The head of the Oxnard police looked at his most recent visitor.  He had seen too much of the kid since he had blown into town on a busted car that lit itself on fire.  Thankfully he wasn't a troublemaker but the strangest things happened to the boy.  He stared at him.  "Why bring this to me?  Usually you tease them to increase your paychecks," he said dryly.

"Because this one has three kids with him and he's been talking about burying people recently."  Xander Harris grinned.  "I'd rather not have the kids killed."

"Me too," he decided.  "Where is he staying?"  Xander gave over what he knew.  "Even a miniature background check," he joked.

"Yeah, I learned that trick early on," Xander said dryly, getting comfortable.  "Oh, and you'll have another one tonight beyond him.  That nice rapist is promising to come in tonight."

"We can have that officer hang out with his girlfriend tonight," the chief said smugly.

"The boss said it sucks for her because it reduces her paycheck."

"Then maybe I'll send one of the smarter ones in for a birthday or something."  Xander grinned.  "Anything else I should hear?"

"Yeah, leave Jonnie alone.  He's got stage four cancer.  That's how he's affording his treatments.  The pot helps him."

"I can ignore that then."  He smirked at the kid.  "How soon before you leave?"

"New car will take another two weeks and then I've got to head back to Sunnydale."  The chief dropped the papers, staring at him with his mouth slightly open.  Xander grinned.  "Born and raised there.  Going back to help on that unofficial protection patrol that kept the Mayor's mischief down."

"He was?" he demanded.  "I know he got blown up during a gas explosion...."  Xander stared at him.  "No way."

"Yup and tried to blame shit on us," he said dryly with a smirk.  "Even accused me of weapons dealing.  Now wouldn't I be driving a better car and not stripping if I was?"

"Probably," he agreed, shaking his head quickly.  "The next time you get one of those sort, you can lift their wallets."

"I do."  He grinned.  "Which is why I'm getting a better car sooner.  Otherwise I'd be here for the next month and a half."

The Chief shook his head.  "That's all good.  As long as I don't hear about you having special clients, I don't care.  Just keep turning them in, kid."

Xander blew a kiss as he stood up.  "We have commandos in town."  He walked off.  He needed dinner.

The Chief held his head.  "Myers?" he called.  That officer brought in a new cup of coffee for him and a packet of advil.  "Thank you."  He took them and gulped the coffee.  "Here."  He handed over the papers.  "That rapist is coming back tonight and the club's manager said that it's wrecking Sid's wife's paycheck.  Also, he said we have commandos in town."

"Got it, boss."  He walked off to hand those over to the other guys.  They had good plans in place after the last month of insanity of all the bad idiots in lower California coming to Oxnard.  Their federal stats were going to look insane.

***

Xander smoothly danced, testing the men in front of him.  Most of them didn't meet up to his expectations though one seemed fairly nice.  But married.  He smirked at him and winked, turning around to dance back toward the dangerous ones.  One of them was growling as he teased him with a small smirk, even using the pole to brace as he slowly slid to his knees, dancing for him.  The commando growled a happier sound and it was nicer.  Xander winked at him and popped up for the next song, strolling off to dance for the other side of the stage.  There the growling was dangerous.  Xander slowly took off his shirt, making the men snarl.  Xander leaned down, blowing a kiss at one.  "I can change and dance for someone else," he offered.  "If you like to watch."  He strolled off.

"No, you're mine," he shouted.  He lunged at the stage and the boy defended himself fairly well then kicked him off the stage.

Xander stared down at the sobbing man.  "Really?  Am I?  I could've sworn I was still single.  I don't see a ring," he said, looking at his hand then at the commando.  "Though you're cute enough to offer me one."  He winked and walked down the stairs, the married guy helping to steady him on the narrow little stairs.  Xander hauled the guy up, staring at him.  "I'm not yours.  Because you don't have manners.  I demand at least some manners and some wooing, dear."  The bouncers came over.  "No, I can handle him."  He walked him out.  The waiting officer smirked at him. "Lunged at me on the stage and declared I was his," he said dryly.  He shook him.  "What's your name?"

"Peter!" he shouted.  He rattled off his serial number.

"Oh, yay," Xander said dryly.  "Have fun with him.  The other commandos have manners and are nicer."  He strolled back inside.  The two he was expecting were scowling.  He stared at one, then kissed the other on the cheek.  "Quit scowling, you'll get wrinkles and pretty little boys like me won't like that."  He walked past them, going to get a drink.

"Nighthawk, can I buy you one?" a guy called.

"Sure.  I don't mind.  Pay for this one if you want."  He winked.  He strolled over.  The next dancer was already working it.  He sat down with the commando.  "How did you end up with such an idiot on your team, boys?"  They stared at him.  "Yeah, I'm kinda sure you guys are commandos of some sort or another but not with the other ones in here."  He sipped his drink.  "I'm also pretty sure that your geek, because he seemed like a geek to me, is overcompensating for a tiny dick."  They all laughed.  Someone screamed and came at him.  Xander ducked, using the chair to block the attack.  The guy tripped over it.  Xander stared at him.  "Yup?  You needed things?"

"I'm going to make you mine.  You'll submit and I'll make sure of it," he complained as he got up.  Xander just stared at him.  "No pithy quips?" he sneered.

Xander socked him in the jaw.  "No, I don't need one this time.  Boys?"

The bouncers came over to get him.  "Another like the last guy?"

"No, this one's got kids."  They nodded and removed him.  Xander looked at the others.  "Well?"  His other got up and slinked out.   The cops out there got him.  Xander sipped his drink as he kicked the chair back up.  "Sorry."  He smiled.  "I'm sure you guys are much better than that."

"Usually," the growly one said with a smug smirk.

"Then we're all good."  He smiled.  The manager stomped over.  "What?"

"Did you forget to pickpocket them?"

"No, I got them earlier."  He smirked.  "I was tired of playing with them."  His boss groaned as he walked off.  "So what brings strong guys, who I'm guessing are Marines?  To a little podunk town like this?"

"Army," the married one said.  "Downtime."

Xander nodded.  "Downtime is great.  I'm supposed to be on the great American road trip but my car exploded."  He finished his drink, rolling his eyes.  "The fire department was real nice when they answered the call."

"So it literally went up," the married guy said.

"Yeah.  Some jackass on the highway was firing fifty caliber shells," he said dryly.  "Hit my trunk.  Hit one of my weapons.  And I noticed it about ten miles later.  At least I got most everything out."

"How did that set your car on fire?" the growly one asked.  He was the epitome of big, black, mean looking man.  Including scar down his cheek from his eye.

Xander grinned.  "It hit the crossbow, which poked the grenade.  Which leaked and when the spare gas mixed it went chemical.  I saw the first set of smoke curling out so I managed it before fire fully started."

"Why did you have a grenade?" the tougher looking white guy asked.

"Because I needed it."  He got up and strolled off.  "Going back on stage, guys."  He winked at the married one.  "I won't tease you too much, dear.  Taken is sacred to some of us."  The guys in hearing all laughed and he stroked one's cheek.  "At least you're not mean like the earlier ones."

"No, Xander, I'd never be mean to you."

Xander stared at him.  "How did you learn my real name?"

"Oops?"  He got up and tried to hurry out but the cop in there got him to talk to.  Xander rolled his eyes and shook his head as he walked off.  "We're army," he wailed.  "C'mon!  I'm not a freak like they were!  We'll be seeing him soon anyway!"

Xander turned, staring at him.  "Why is the army interested in Sunnydale?"  A few others gasped.  "Yeah, I made you guys too.  Not all that subtle," he quipped.  "Tell me now or I'll have someone less polite ask."  A few stomped out so Xander grabbed the bar phone and called someone, speaking in another language.  The manager gave him an odd look.  "It's probably a bad thing."  He looked back there.  "Sit, boys.  I can tell real soldiers from pussies with stripes."  The silent one snickered.  Xander strolled up onto the stage, turning on something country in the jukebox.  He was in the mood to dance.  He got great tips too.  Because he got down to his thong this time and the guys were all happy with the 'ride a stripper' thoughts he built for them.  He got done and gathered his tips, winking at the guys at the stage.  He went to change and came out in tighter jeans and a t-shirt.  He sat down with the guys again with a grin.  "I love it when the psychos come early.  They tip great."

The married one stared at him.  "You're not normal."

"That depends on who you asked, Married Boy.  I know two girls and a librarian who'll tell you differently.  They'll insist that I'm normal and throw girl fits if you try to counter them."  The bartender brought him a drink.  "Aww, who bought me one?" he called.  That one waved.  "Be back, boys."  He got up and went to chat with him for a few minutes.  He was old, lecherous, and pouted that Xander didn't do *privates*.  So he went back to the military guys.  He sat down with a sigh.  "I'm so glad I don't have to dance in heels like the girls do."  He sipped his drink.  The growly one cackled, shaking his head.  "Yeah, exactly.  It'd do bad things to my hips."

"Heels make girls' asses look fantastic," the other hardnosed guy said.

"Yes, but my ass isn't built like theirs."  Someone screamed as they ran in with a knife.  The military guys got up to disarm him and kick him around.  "Thank you, boys."  He stared at him.  "Hi.  How're you?"  He smiled.  The man whimpered.  "Did we need something?"

"People want you to use whatever skill this is to help the government," he sneered.

Xander leaned down, swatting at the hand feeling his ass up.  "No touchies."  He stared at the guy again.  "I'm already serving our country by making sure the bad things don't get out of Sunnydale, dear.  I think that's a higher calling.  If not, they wouldn't rush me with a knife."  He smirked and stomped on his chest, making the military guys wince at the bone crunch noise.  "There, that should stop any and all plots.  Remind them who I really am, dear."  He blew a kiss.  He strolled off.  "Boss, I'm cashing out for the night," he called.

"That's fine, Harris."  He cashed him out and Xander got his bag, winking as he strolled past with it.  "Laundry?"

"Yup, need to do the evil things.  That way I can draw more people who want to own my ass."  He smiled.  "Have a nice night, guys.  If you like 'em sweeter, talk to Joshy."  He walked out.  The lights that came on amused him.  "Yes?"

"Mr. Harris," a male voice said.

Xander stared.  "This is so cheesy and I'd know."  He walked around them, going to his car.

"Sir, you're being recruited."

"I'm not going to sign up for anything.  I have a duty," he said in a sing-song voice.

"They don't want or need you back," the voice sneered.

Xander snickered.  "Really?  That's fine.  Then I'll go do wonderful things with my life."  He got into his car, locking the door.  He started the engine and backed out.  When one of them followed him he casually opened the window and grabbed something from the glovebox, throwing it out.  Their tires busted a minute later but Xander was nice enough to call and report himself.

"Hi, Marge," he told the 911 operator, smiling at the familiar voice.  "Some yahoos just tried to recruit me by force and were following me so I kinda popped their tires.  Yup, there.  Thanks, dear.  Probably some mess left, yeah, and I'm pretty sure they're with the commandos that got removed but not the tech geek.  Thanks, Marge.  No, laundry," he sighed.

"Tell the bigger guys that the tech geek that got arrested, his team's okay.  They were very helpful.  Laters.  They're trying to ram me."  He hung up and dodged the clumsy attempt.  "Really, people?" he demanded dryly.  "I've seen vamps do that *so* much better."  He spun into a lot that he knew led to the back police parking lot, which was probably full tonight.  He spun out, letting the smoking cops know there was a problem.

The truck barreled through to hit him.  Xander got out of the way, barely, and parked, getting out and grabbing his bag while the truck turned around.  He emptied the glove box, the trunk, and grabbed his cellphone too.  They had time to turn around and slam back into his car.  "You're paying for the replacement," he called, waving and hiding behind one of the bigger, meaner officers.  "They're Army.  They want to recruit me."  He grinned.  "Aren't you so proud of your service?"

"Thankfully I was a Marine," he said dryly.  He pulled his gun.  "Get the fuck out of there before I break in with the best 'hoo-yah' ever!" he shouted.  "And I do mean now, greenies!"  They tried to start the truck but Xander shot the engine.  He looked at him.  "I keep forgetting you have a gun."

"I like guns.  Guns nice.  Guns hot."  He grinned.  "Guns pretty."

"You need better taste in men too," he assured him dryly.

"Before I started to strip I've never even teased a man."  They all laughed.  "Seriously!  Bad girls but never guys.  So maybe some of that love is the whole virgin thing to gay sex.  Who knows."  He shrugged.  "Can I buy you breakfast?"

"No, my wife would mind if I brought you home, Harris."  He got the punks out of the truck, letting his coworkers helping him.  "Yup, military ID's."  Xander smiled.  "I'll get the accident report ready too."

Xander blew a kiss.  "I'm going to do laundry and hide."

"Let us escort you since your car won't drive now," another officer said.  "Just in case they're there."

"Sure."   He followed him to his squad car.  "I'm sorry I cause so much trouble."

"No, it's good someone's arresting them," the officer assured him.  "I don't know why they like you so much.  You don't get near as naked as the other guys at the club and you're not built like the body studs most clubs have."

Xander shrugged.  "No clue.  It's always happened.  All the girls I dated are deadly too."

"Huh.  Maybe it's a hormone thing then."  He pulled into the motel's parking lot and stared.  "What the hell are they doing?"

Xander watched.  "One's packing my shit, the rest seem to be packing their own shit."  He looked at the officer.  Who called and got their people to all come stop them.  Xander got out.  "Does this mean I can have their shit?  I could do such a great number with camos."

The Chief looked at him.  "Don't be a smartass, Harris."

"Sorry, Chief."  He grinned.  "Want me to sort it out?"

"For all we care, he can have it," the mayor said as he joined them.  "What is the military doing invading our small town?"

"They said they wanted to recruit me against my will," Xander said dryly.  "I don't know why, Mayor Thomas."

The mayor, who was a full blooded demon, stared at him.  "Anything else to add?" he asked dryly.

"Yeah, they know about Sunnydale.  They looked me up before they got here."

"There's rumors of a commando action in Sunnydale," the mayor admitted.  He spotted another guy.  "They with them?"

"No, that team is on downtime and they were very nice to help me earlier.  They are not part of those idiots.  Married Guy, Silent Guy with the Hat, Growly, and Tough Guy there are their own team."

"Got it."  The chief smiled at them.  "That geek yours?"

"He was stupid and being changed out," the growly one said.  "Want us to call someone higher up in our people?  We're army.  We feel dirty that they wear the same uniform but it's not us."

"Please," the Chief said.  "I have no idea who to call about them."

"We do," Tough Guy said.  He pulled out his cellphone to call.  "Colonel, Clay.  We're in Oxnard on downtime.  There's a commando unit here that is bothering civilians and trying to recruit by force."

"And we've heard there's some in my town too," Xander called.  "It has to do with Sunnydale, I've never been anywhere else."

Clay repeated that.  "Please.  The local PD does.  Oh, and would you please get us a geek that doesn't try to attack strippers?  Thanks."  He hung up.  "By the morning, Officers."  They went to their room.

Xander grinned.  "So, can I at least sort out my stuff and check for my money stash?  Oh, and they crashed the car."  The chief whimpered.  "I say they pay for it."

"I say so too," he agreed dryly.  "Have it for all I care."  Xander grinned and went to loot.  He tossed that other team some things and took the rest.  Though they nicely confiscated the weapons.  The chief and mayor shook their heads.  The boy had a thing for weapons.  And dangerous people.  It was probably a bad sign for a long life.

***

Xander came back from doing laundry and found the huffy car dealership guy.  "I did not do it."

"I know you didn't.  I got the report and your insurance company was having a fit."

"Sorry?"  He shrugged.  "I did what I could."

"I know, Harris."

"I still say they have to pay for it."

"The army disavowed them working within the US."

"Because that's treason," Xander said dryly.

"I guess.  They're going to jail for attempting to kidnap you."  Xander grinned.  "The insurance paid off the whole car."  Xander beamed.  "So you have your whole car fund back right now."

"I need one."

"You do and apparently you need something faster."

"Well, I could go tease the drug dealer in town into give me his," he offered.  Married Guy walked past and nodded.  "Thank you."

"Welcome, kid."

"I need something faster, right?" he told the dealer, who nodded.  "If I can tease him to death, he has a souped up Barracuda."

"No," Married Guy said.  "That's not the car you want.  It's not real protective."

"Yeah but I can't afford a hummer.  Even if I do pickpocket him."

"Good point, and can you do that?"

"Yeah.  The local Chief of Police said it was just fine of me to do it to the ones they're arresting."  The car dealer nodded.  "Speaking of, I found their wallets.  Need them?"

"Please," Married Guy said.  Xander got them for him.  He looked at the ID's.  "Crap."

"They're going to jail for attempted kidnaping," the car dealer said.

"They won't make it to jail."  He walked off to tell his team leader.  "Kid, for now, just stay calm and we'll figure out what's best for you.  I'm a genius with cars."  Xander grinned.

"He has twenty-five handy," the dealer told him.  "That's what the insurance paid for the last one minus the last two payments on it."

"I can help him find something under that."  He grinned before knocking and walking into a room.  "Damn, what did you eat," he complained as he shut the door.  "ID's."

Clay took them to look over.  "They're Special Ops too."  He called their higher up to let him know that.  And that it had to do with that small town so they might have one there too.  He vowed to get that stopped and hung up on him.  Clay handed them back.  "The kid have fun looting?"

"He said the local cops let him whenever he ran into a psycho.  Also he's thinking about his next ride."

"Boys his age it should be about cars and girls or boys," Clay agreed.  "Did we look up his town?"

"If the stats are to be believed, it's hell," Roque said from his bed.  "Literal hell.  It has a higher death rate than some countries having civil wars.  Which has went down in recent years."  Clay and Pooch both stared at him.  "That's what they reported."

"Who'd report that?" Clay demanded.

"I have no idea.  Go ask the kid."

Pooch went to do that.  He came back confused but odd looking.  "He said that half the things that *eat people* in town we'd never believe."

"Probably why the Army set up a special project," Roque said.  Pooch nodded.  He looked at Clay.

"I'd like tech support to hack them if we have to."

"Shouldn't they be being ended?" Pooch asked.

"Fuck no," Clay snorted.  "That's why they're getting quick jail sentences.  So they can't talk and I doubt they'll spend any time there."  They shared a look.  "Find us someone good for tech support this time."

"I'll ask around," Pooch agreed, going to his room to do that.  Cougar was pacing and uptight.  "What's gotten into you?"

"Something's wrong," he said.

"Beyond that group being army?"

Cougar looked at him.  "Yes."  He walked out, going to get a drink from the machine.  He saw the people watching the motel.  He saw clear sign of it being agents.  He knocked on the kid's door, nodding back.  "Agents."  He opened his soda, taking a drink.

"Play along, dude."  Xander pulled him inside and packed quickly.  "This has to relate and I'm getting that creepy feeling."  Cougar nodded.  Xander called his boss.  "There's more of them here."  He hung up.  "Okay, I'm going to disappear into the night.  You guys are free to do whatever but I'm going back to my own personal hell to hide because I know that town better than anywhere else."

He smiled.  "All you have to do is wait a half hour after I'm gone and then go back to your room like I was great at it.  Okay?"  Cougar nodded, he could understand and go with that plan.  "Tell Married Guy I said thanks for the car advice."  He checked out the back window and snuck out with his two bags and backpack, heading to the office first by the back door in the laundry room, and then to the car dealership.

Cougar waited the half hour and then went back to his own room.  With a stop to tell Clay what had happened.

***

Xander stopped at a diner for dinner, looking at a map.  He knew there were less obvious ways into Sunnydale.

"On a trip, sweetie?" the waitress asked with a smile.

"Well, I was, but I'm on my way home now, I just wanted to figure out an alternate route because I've heard some strange things are going on nearby.  Like military drills."

"Huh, I haven't heard a thing 'bout that."  She put down the glass of ice water.  "Got any idea what you want tonight?"

He smiled.  "Burger, fries, malt vinegar to spritz, and soda, no ice?"

She smiled.  "Every boy's dream but vinegar?"

"I picked it up from our school librarian.  He's a Brit."

"Ah."  She nodded, walking off writing that down.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, sweetie."

Xander watched the parking lot once he had the map folded again.  His slaying patrol senses were tingly.  So yeah, something was going to happen.  "Um, can I get that to go?" he called when he saw a car pull in.  "That's seriously strange since they arrested that guy last night for trying to follow me to my motel room."  She brought him the box and he paid her, smiling at her.  "Thank you."  He walked out, sliding into the car and locking his door as fast as he could, then he had to fight the person in the back.  He finally managed to get out, panting, glaring at whoever that was.  They got out, with a needle.

"So not going to work.  I'm not the average person."  Forget the manners he had learned as a stripper, it was time to be *Xander* again and Xander didn't put up with shit from anyone anymore.  She lunged with the needle and he kicked it then her.  Then knocked her down and stood on her throat.  "Who do you work for?  What do you want with me?"  She was gasping.  Her buddies were getting out of the car so he pulled a gun.  "Don't think I won't," he ordered, pointing it at her.  "Who do you work for and what do you want?"

"We want you to work for us.  You show some excellent skills," the driver said with a smile.

Xander stared at him then shot him in the leg.  "They're not for your use though," he said calmly.  Officers came screaming in and he put his gun on the hood, leaning against his car.  "That bitch was in my backseat with that needle," he said with a point.  "Her buddies," he said with a point at them.  "Have been stalking me.  I had to leave Oxnard really fast earlier because of them."

"Federal Agent," the other one said, holding up his ID case.  Xander shrugged.  "We're trying to bring him in."

"No you're not.  Because if you wanted to arrest me, she wouldn't have been in my back seat and you wouldn't have an army ID like the ones arrested in Oxnard last night."

"Sir, for now, hand me the gun please," the officer ordered.  "Handle first."  Xander showed it had the safety on and handed it over after discharging the clip.  "Thank you.  License, sir, and driver's if you have it."  Xander nodded, pointing at the car.  "Slowly."

Xander got into the glove box and pulled it out, putting the knife on the hood too.  "So you can't freak."  He tossed over his wallet.

The officer looked, nodding at what he saw.  "Why were you in Oxnard?"

"Exploding car.  I was on a road trip.  I ended up stripping."

"All right.  That is a nice car."

Xander smiled.  "I draw psychos."

"Huh."  His partner got off the radio, getting back out of the car.  "Ambulance?"

"On the way.  Mr. Harris?"  Xander nodded.  "They're with the same people?"

"As far as I can tell since they said they wanted to recruit me."  He bent down.

"No, let me," the officer said firmly.

"Okay."  Xander got his lunch and sat on his hood, eating it.  He crossed his feet, watching the ambulance get there.  "Guys, I was using silver tipped," he called.  "Never know when something's evil enough to need silver."

The officer with his gun looked at the clip.  "They are."  He looked at the kid.  "Where did you find those?"

"LA."  He grinned.  "Special order but good for the general evil things that seem to want to date me."  He ate another fry.

"That figures," the officer decided.  He stared at him.  "How can you eat?"

Xander paused between bites.  "Six weeks ago I had one guy who wanted me *so* much he kidnaped me from the club, tied me to an altar, and proceeded to kill small animals overtop of me, gradually working his way up to a whole family and then me."  He ate another bite.

"Eww," the other officer said.

"Yeah.  Basically.  This...."  He shrugged.  "I've seen worse.  Especially since it was my graduation ceremony that had the gas explosion."  They both stared.  "I was on my way home too."  He finished his burger.

Their shift supervisor showed up in his pickup.  He got out.  "He's eating?"

"I've seen worse," Xander admitted.  "And I date psychos.  Just another day to me, Sergeant."

He looked at his sleeve then at him.  "How do you know ranks, kid?"

"Relative was."

"Oh."  He got the report from his people.  "What ID are they carrying?"

"One has an Army ID and the one that got shot glared at him like he was going to roast him against a wall.  The one he said was in his backseat doesn't have any.  The other has one for the FBI but the kid's right, Sarge.  If they were here to arrest him, they wouldn't have been trying to drug him from his back seat."  He pointed at the bagged needle.

"No, they wouldn't.  Where was he before?"

"Oxnard.  I called.  They told me about the ones last night that they're never supposed to mention again and about how they've arrested thirteen different serial people and other psychos thanks to them wanting him."

"All psychos seem to want me," Xander quipped.  "These ones included."  He watched a car speed towards them.  "Guys, I may be from a small town but doesn't that look like the start of a...."  Bullets started to fly.  "Drive by?"  He dove backward, grabbing his knife as he rolled.  Not that it'd do much right now but his keys were with the officers.  So he couldn't get into the trunk.  "Can I have my damn gun back please?" he called.  It was tossed over and then the clip.

Xander reloaded, checked it, and came up firing on the car.  He got a small graze to the shoulder.  The sergeant's truck got two flat tires and a few around the gas tank.  The ambulance got one as it sped off.  Xander hit the tires, then the driver's side window.  Bulletproof glass was nice.  The officers were firing too.  Xander took more careful aim.  He only had two bullets left.  He caught one in the open window, a lucky shot making someone yelp, and one in the gas tank, creating a poof of noise, smoke, and light.

He and the cops ran over to pull people out before it finished going up.  Xander stared at them.  "Fucking idiots," he muttered.

"Car please, sir," the sergeant said calmly.  Xander nodded, going back there.  He got his keys on the way and reloaded too.  "Does this happen to you often?"

"Only this summer."  He shrugged.  "It never happens to me in Sunnydale."

"Jesus, you're from that town," he muttered, crossing himself.  Xander smirked and nodded.  "So that was your graduation?"  Xander nodded, smiling less.  "Understood."  He patted them down.  "No wallets."  He looked at the merrily burning car.  There was no chance they had survived.  Or the gun....  He looked back, and the kid produced them.  "How did you learn that?"

"Stripping.  My car did that earlier this summer.  Oxnard's guys said I could do that all I wanted to the ones they were arresting for wanting me."

He took them to look over and confiscated the rifle he hadn't seen the kid sneak past him.  "You wouldn't want it anyway, it'll be in the system soon."

"That's fine.  I confiscated some of theirs last night.  The Chief down there was happy to let me."  He grinned.

"He said they crashed your car."

"They did.  In the police station parking lot because I was getting away from them."  He smiled.  "Brand new, still making payments on it...."  The officers all winced.  "Thankfully the insurance people were real nice this time too and speedier."  He petted his present one.

"A lot speedier than mine usually is," the sergeant said, scowling at his truck.  "Maybe it's the whole stalker thing though."

"Maybe or they knew they could get the army to pony up faster than normal people to make this all go away," Xander quipped.  The sergeant looked at him.  "Yeah.  Last night's they already charged with attempted kidnaping."

"So you think these are going to be covered up too?"

"Yup.  Probably."  He looked at the two that were awake.  "Aren't they?" he asked dryly.

"Probably," he sighed.  "They're not going to be happy with us."

Xander smiled.  "I'm not happy with you and I'm going to ask favors of people."  They scrunched back away from him.  "Why are you trying to recruit me and I know this isn't normal Army recruitment so who wants me?"

"Our project needs someone like you so we can tell the dangerous ones."

Xander stared at him.  "Where might your project be?"  The guy stared at him.  "Ah, you're from the problem I've heard got started in Sunnydale."  The man whimpered.  "Don't worry, I'll work on getting that shut the hell down too.  Because clearly you're doing something wrong."

"If they're caught working inside the US and they're not National Guard, that's treason," the sergeant said.  Xander grinned at that.  "You're right, if they're going for attempted kidnaping, there's a plot.  Damn it."  Xander nodded.  "We'd like better statements."

"Sure."  Xander strolled over to give them all that had happened, just in case more happened.  The fire department got the car put out.  Xander was a bit too calm but they figured he was used to getting threatened by the reports from Oxnard.  They let Xander go on his merry way and warned the state boys that it had happened in case it did again.

***

Xander ended up in LA, finding a few people he wanted to talk to.  Both agents.  "Agent Cheese man," he said dryly, making him flinch and turn to look at him.  "Got ten?"

"Are you being stalked by someone else?" he demanded.

"Yup.  This time they're a special project out of the army and my town."  He grinned.

"Why?" he asked.

"I don't know.  Well, I do know some things and what I know means the higher up are involved in a crackhead moment.  So got ten?"

"Yeah, for that, I can have ten minutes."  He walked the kid off, away from his teammate.  The kid drew dangerous and you never knew about them.  Xander told him everything he knew, starting in Oxnard.  "So that other team helped."

"Yeah, and then they hit me again at this little diner by the other guys.  They admitted it there."

"What are they doing in your town?"  Xander stared at him.  He had been sent up to investigate the explosion at graduation and had been overruled by his superiors about what happened.  "No way."

"Yup.  Pretty damn sure.  All my contacts in town have said the same thing.  They capture and never release."

"Okay," he said, thinking quickly.  "Clearly the higher ups are involved."  Xander nodded.  "I have no idea what I can do beyond note it."

"They've been trying *really* hard to get me 'recruited'."

"So you said."  He considered it.  "I'm putting you into the database as a kidnaping risk.  That'll be DNA and things."

"Okay, but I do have to admit to some DNA warping."

"From?" he asked dryly.

"Our swim coach trying *really* hard to win."

"Steroids can do that?"  Xander gave him a pointed look.  "He used something?"

"Yeah, and then they ate him."

"That's disgusting."

"Yeah."  He nodded.

"We can do it anyway."  He took him to the labs.  "Guys, this is Mr. Harris.  There are some people who would love to own him."

"They only arrested seventeen psychos this summer," he said with a pout.  "That left three or so."

"I don't want to know why you draw serial killers and the like," Agent Colby Granger said dryly.  "We need to put him into the system as a high risk of kidnaping."

"We can do that," one of the lab techs said cheerfully.  She got some tweezers and a swab.  "Sit here please, sir."  Xander obediently sat.   She plucked a few hairs, did a cheek swab, and took a picture.  "There, that'll be in by tonight."

"Thanks," Granger said, walking him up to his desk.  "Let's make it official that you're reporting a problem."  Xander nodded.  "That way it's somewhere in the system even if the higher ups do react."  He went into the reports and started one on this contact.  As soon as he typed in the word 'Sunnydale', a warning box popped up saying that town was off-limits.  "That's new."  He canceled it and got back into it.  When it popped up again he got the regional boss.  He came to look and talked to Xander about what he was reporting.  He had come from the office in Texas so he wasn't infected with Sunnydale paranoia yet.

His team leader looked.  "The last time I did a report with that sort of box popping up I had to call an analyst at the BAU who is a hacker to get the report put into the system."  He called her and she said she'd do that for him.  "It'll go in when you save it."  Colby finished typing it up and his boss added his section.  Xander got sent on his merry way and the report went in.

"Why go to a hacker?" his boss asked.

"I'm told not even the president can have that box removed.  She wasn't sure who started it."

"I didn't have it when I filed mine for the gas explosion that the higher ups said it was," Colby said dryly.

"They were going to change that on you anyway," Epps said bluntly.

"What?" their boss asked.  So Colby told him about graduation, what really happened and what hadn't happened but the FBI said had happened and the ATF agreed with them about it.  He went to look that up.  That was wrong to change findings that way.  Later that night, his house was burned down with him in it.  Though he was mysteriously tied to a chair and full of holes when they found his body.

***

Xander was at a bar that night, playing with some of the contacts who had run after graduation.  LA was a lot bigger than Sunnydale.  He heard someone commenting on something and looked over.  "They did what?"

"They just signed their death warrant.  They pulled something huge," the vampire said with a smirk.  "Pity about the slayer," he finished with a quip.

Xander called.  "Giles, me.  Get the girls, get Joyce, get out of the city.  Now.  Because whatever strange project is up there just pulled something huge.  No, I'm in LA."  He hung up and called Joyce.  She wasn't going to argue.

"Oh, come on!" another vampire complained.

Xander stared at her.  "I know you figured out the calling goes through Faith, but that means the Council will wetworks her and you'll get one of theirs, who hits everyone."

"Damn," the other demons muttered.

"Yup."  He went back to his hand of poker.  All his stuff in storage was outside city limits.  And he had nothing in there he couldn't replace.  He had brought the special stuff with him.  His phone rang and he answered it.  "Hey, Buffster.  No, I'm in LA on my way back and I heard that whatever strange and freaky project that has been trying to get me for the last week just summoned something really huge and destructive.  You and your mom, and the others, need to go now."  He rolled his eyes.  "Hey, stay and die," he offered.  "The demons here wouldn't mind."  He hung up.  "Why?"

"We've never really figured out how you could stand their whining anyway," one of the vamps said.  "They tried to get you?"

"They so tried for the last week to get me.  They called it recruiting."  The demons snickered.  "Yeah, exactly.  Oxnard's PD is really nice though."  A few stared at him.  He grinned.  "The car blew up."

"You're.... aw, damn that so figures!"

Xander grinned.  "Heard about the club?"

"Yes!  Damn, boy!"

"Yup.  But I had some fun baiting."  He shrugged and got back to the poker hand.

An hour later, reports came in that the college had imploded and there was a lot of damaged areas.  Xander stared at the small tv.  The bartender noticed and turned it up.  He called Joyce, who was sounding a bit hysterical.  "Did they all get out?"  He nodded.  "No, I'm in LA.  How bad?"  He winced.  "Wow.  That's a lot of destruction.  Everyone all right?"

He nodded.  "Want to come where I'm staying and just get rooms tonight?"  He listened.  "That's what part of the city I'm in, yeah.  No, she argued with me but I'm tired and I hung up when she got pissy, Joyce.  You know how she gets sometimes.  She tried to argue with me about why she didn't have to leave.  No, I have a headache.  No, I'm not drinking.  I'm having a nice diet soda.  Playing kitten poker.  Then that's her problem."  He hung up.

"Fuck it."  He went back to the hand, shaking his head.  "It's PMS day up there."  The demons all shuddered.  "They're all synched too."  He tossed down his cards and cashed out, heading out to a real bar.  "Why did I want to go back?" he muttered as he walked.  Someone jumped out with a knife.  Xander stared at him then shrugged.  "I've seen worse wanting sex, dude.  Get a life."

"Give me your money!" he shouted.

Xander backhanded him then walked off.  "Whine, dude.  Try it with someone else."  He found a dirty, down low club, and got entry, going onto the floor.

***

Joyce huffed as she hung up.  "I think you pissed him off for good, Buffy."

"He's...."

"If you say normal I'm going to paddle you," Joyce said firmly.  "You should be thankful you have friends beyond Giles.  The other girls haven't."  Buffy gaped.  "They didn't have anyone to take over for them on their nights off; they didn't get nights off.  They didn't have witches helping.  They didn't have parents.  You're spoiled.  A lot of the girls would've killed to have the support you have."

Buffy backed down.  "Jeez, mom, I was going to say he's not that good at it."

"Sure, because he hasn't learned anything in three years?" Joyce snapped back.

"Okay.  Sure.  I get that."  She backed away.  "I know things are bad looking... but I didn't do it."

"Go sit down."  She sat down to stare at the town.  She did not need this tonight.

***

Xander walked around the people complaining the next morning, handing Joyce a chocolate laden latte.  "You sounded like you needed it last night," he said dryly.  She scowled.  Xander stared back.  "At least I heard."

"Good point."  She patted his cheek and took a sip.  "Mmm, chocolate, thank you."

"If it's too much, hand it to your daughter, who also clearly needed it," he said dryly.  She smiled at him.  "For the last week someone army has been trying to supposedly recruit me by kidnaping and things."  Joyce stared at him.  He pointed.  "From what I heard in LA they were under there."

"Oh, dear."

He looked at her and grinned.  "There's two police departments that got some of them."  He smirked.  "They weren't happy."

"I'm not happy!"

He smirked.  "You got to miss my car going up in Oxnard."  She stared at him.  He nodded.  "Ended up working at a strip club."

"Oh, dear."  She looked him over.  Jeans that were clearly new.  "That bad?"

"Actually, there were serial killers."  She cackled.  He nodded.  "Oh, yeah.  I made good money teasing the serial guys."  He looked at Giles as he came over and pulled out the candy bar to hand him.  "Because you sounded like you had PMS too."

"It's rather upsetting to have that sort of notice coming in suddenly."

Xander stared at him.  "Not like we didn't know the city could fall in at any time."

"True.  At the very least from the earthquakes."  He opened the bar and took a bite, then smiled.  "Thank you.  Raspberry."

"I know you like those more."  He looked at Joyce.  "Insurance guys?"

"Already," she agreed.  Giles nodded.  "Fortunately the storage area was outside the destruction area."

"It was," Giles agreed.  "My apartment is mostly still standing."

"Our house is leaning," Joyce sighed.

"Thankfully most of my weapons were at Giles' place," Buffy said as she joined them.  Her mother handed her the coffee.  She sipped and moaned.  "Chocolate, thank you, Xander."

"You sounded like you needed it."  He looked then at Giles.  "Army."

"We've heard stories about commandos," Buffy admitted.

"They kept trying to recruit me by force."

"Huh.  Why?"  He stared at her.  "Oh, you dated?"

"No."  He rolled his eyes, turning around.  "The press are watching."

"Oops."  Buffy moved closer to her mother.  "I haven't seen Willow this morning."

"She's probably trying to get her parents to answer the phone so they can do things."  He found his phone.  "There it is."  He dialed the pager and left his number and an emergency code.  A few minutes later he got called back.  "Mr. Rosenburg, Xander Harris.  Yeah, her friend Xander.  Did you watch the news today?  Because most of Sunnydale is destroyed and your house is in ruins.  No, last I heard she was fine but she's probably been trying to find you this morning.  Well, there's insurance stuff," he said dryly.  "Packing up anything that might be left."  He snapped his fingers.  "There she is.  Willow, your father."  She took the phone to walk off.  He looked at Joyce.  "They have a pager."

"I didn't even think to grab my phone," she admitted with a sigh.

Xander nodded.  "Phones usually come after family photos."  She smiled and nodded.   "Or weapons," he admitted.  Buffy snickered.  Willow came back.  "They tell you who to talk to?"

"Yes and they'll fax permission over to handle things because they're out of the country in Panama."

Xander nodded.  "That sucks but...."

"Yup, a lot."  She looked around.  "There's the insurance guys huddled together."  She walked over there.  "Excuse me.  My parents are faxing over permission to work on their stuff for them since they're in Panama."

"Miss Rosenburg," one said.  "Where is it going to?"

"I have no idea."  Their insurance guy smiled.  "Xander called their pager."  He nodded and led her off to check the faxes set up for residents to get things sent off.  Willow got the number from Xander's phone and sent the pager the fax number.  A few minutes later it came out with orders.  "They're excited, I can tell," she said dryly.

"Clearly.  I wonder if they realize that was the only branch of that bank and it was totaled too."

"No clue."  She shrugged.  "I'm not sure if they remember what their address is."

"We'll deal with it, Willow."  He got their files and settled at the card table to go over what he had.  The bank manager had their backup copies and he got him to go over that with her as well.  Willow faxed things back and got signatures sent back.  Then the new bank wouldn't let them set up a new account.  Willow winced and nodded.  Xander got them the name of a private bank somewhere a bit farther away and it worked.  They set it up with them.  Willow finally relaxed and found the group smiling and happy.

Xander looked at her then at Joyce.  "I'm at a cheap motel in LA."

"We can do that," Joyce decided.  "It'll be days before they let us into the house or apartments."  Giles nodded.  "Where?"

"About two hours away."  Xander handed over a card.  She smiled.  "Let me go back there and get a nap.  I was up at the club last night blowing off stress."  He strolled off.  "Hey, Doug, do I get to do a happy dance?" he called.

"Half, Harris."

"Hey, cool!"  He smirked.  The insurance agents stared at him.  He shrugged.  "I'm not paying for anything for them."

"You sure?" one called.  "That means you can't inherit.

"Yup.  Absolutely certain."  He looked at him.  "They wouldn't do it for me."

"Well, no, they wouldn't.  They tried to cancel your policy."

"Did I remember to pay?"  The agent nodded.  "Cool."  He smirked.  "I don't care if they're billionaires."  He headed for his car.   He saw the agent and shrugged.  "I got a warning and called someone."

"Not the police?"

"They wouldn't have done anything," Xander said bluntly.

"Good point."  He shrugged.  "Any idea?"

Xander smiled.  "The same one I told Agent Cheesy about from what I got told."  He got into his car and got out, staring at it.  "Get them out of my car please."  The agents came over to get the guy.  Who shouted he was there to recruit Xander.  "I'm not interested."  He smiled and waved.  "Get over it."  They checked his car and he got to drive back to LA.

Buffy stared.  "Huh, he wasn't exaggerating.  Did he date?" she asked her mother.  She got swatted for it too.  "Ow," she complained, rubbing that spot.

"Shut up, Buffy.  There's clearly a problem since he's also claiming he's army."  Buffy shuddered.  "Let the agents handle it."

Buffy nodded.  "I don't need to talk to army guys.  It might be bad for me."  She walked off to bother Giles.  Who shot her a dirty look.  So she had to pipe down.  The world was against her working off stress today.

***

Xander looked up from his poolside lounging when Joyce plopped down next to his chair.  "I thought you might like this place."

"For being inexpensive it's a decent place.  Nice pool too."  She swatted him when she noticed him staring.  "They're not your sort."

"No, not with the herpes sore."  He looked at her again.  "Buffy taking a nap?"

"Yes.  She needed it."  She put on her sunglasses.  "I have no idea what we're going to do."

"No clue but I'm wondering how long it is before British people show up," he said with a point.  "Yo, British dude," he called, making him flinch.  "She's taking a nap."  He gave them a confused look.  Xander got up and strolled over.  "I'm Xander.  I work with Buffy."

"Oh," he said flatly, nodding.  "She's resting for patrol?"

"I think she's just resting right now.  That's her mom."

He looked then at him.  "We don't usually deal with parents, or friends."

"Yeah, that's why Buffy's lasted so long and told most of you to blow her," Xander said bluntly.  "Joyce, is Giles in yet?"

"He'll be here in an hour."

Xander walked him over there by force and sat down again.  "So, where are you posting her this time?"

"Well, first we wanted a report on what happened."

"As I heard last night, there was a military group up under the college trying to figure out things we already knew by the neat things called torture."  The Council rep gave him an odd look.  "They found some remains in really bad shape that wasn't from the explosion.  Which was caused by someone they summoned.  Ladies," he said with a smile.

"My friend thinks she saw you stripping."

"She might have if she was in Oxnard over the last month.  My car kinda blew up.  Literally."  He grinned.  "Had to do something to make the rent and things."  She giggled and ran back.  He looked at the Council rep again, who was looking disgusted.  "Literally, fireball.  Had to pay for a room and a new car somehow.  And hey, I got to bait serial killers a lot."  The rep shook his head.  "I made twenty-thou without letting anyone grope in a month and a half."

Joyce looked at him.  "How on earth?"

"Seventeen psychos."

"Ah."  She nodded.  "That makes more sense with the way you draw them."

"Yeah, it worked well.  Anyway," he said, looking at the Brit.  "They apparently got something summoned or summoned him.  He created the explosion in revenge for all the torture they had created."

"Okay," he said cautiously.  "So do we know who it was?"

"The army was running it.  I heard the name 'Walsh' associated and it's a female.  One of the ones that came after me said she wouldn't be happy."

"All right.  I hadn't heard anything about that.  We have no idea of which one it was?"  Xander shook his head.  "Can we find out?"

"I asked earlier before heading up, no one had any idea.  Just that he lost his temper because of the torture they were doing.  They kept saying 'usually he's so nice'."

"Did it have a title?"

"No one mentioned one.  If I had to guess, there's only a few classes of beings it could be.  Yes, dear?" he asked with a smile when she came back.

"Are you dancing now?"

"No, my town got blown up last night and my friend's mother and I are making plans of where we're going next and what we're doing.  I haven't even looked at any of the local clubs.  If I do, I'll put around some notice."  She beamed and bounced off again.  He looked at the Brit again.  Then at them when they both bounced over.  "Yes, ladies?" he asked with a smile.

"We think you should dance now," one said, pulling a knife.  Xander leaned up and grabbed it, tossing it into the pool.  "Hey!  That's mean!" she whined.

Xander stared at her.  "Threatening me makes me want to spank."  They shivered.  "Not that way, ladies."  The manager came over and looked in the pool then grabbed the girls to walk off.  He wiggled his fingers.  "Have a good night!"  He looked at Joyce again.  "It'd be strange to dance at a place that was mostly women."

She shook her head.  "It's nice they didn't grope either."

"I had no problems until the army kept trying to recruit me by force."  The rep stared at him.  "Three times in two towns."

"Oh, dear.  No wonder she keeps you around."

"You can join the knife in the pool," he said dryly.

"Fine."  He looked at Joyce.  "When is Mr. Giles due in since she apparently listens to him?"

"She listens to me," Joyce said dryly.  "I am her mother."

Xander looked.  "Giles?" he called.  He came out of the office and over to join them, scowling at him.  "He thinks that Buffy will only listen to you."

"No, she barely listens to me."  He went to get his room keys and came back.  Buffy was down there by then as well.  "Is there a decision on where to post her next?"

"We could let her stay here," he offered.

"Small problem.  Angel's taking over LA's safety," Xander said.  "Heard that last night. The Powers said so."

The rep huffed.  "Who is that?"

"The Powers That Be?  The ones over the girls?" Giles said dryly.  "Did they send you because you're an intern?"  The man stomped off.  "I'll call in a while.  Buffy, do some laps to calm down."

She nodded, diving in to do that.  "Hey, there's a knife in here."

"Yeah, I took it from a girl and tossed it," Xander called.

"Please don't date."

"Shut up, I didn't even flirt with them."  He looked at Giles.  "Willow still arguing?"

"Oh, yes.  Her parents are not happy."

"They're not happy with anything."

"I've noticed that," Joyce agreed.  She adjusted her sunglasses.  "Did you put on sunscreen, Buffy?"

"Yes, mom.  It's in my daily moisturizer because I stole yours."

"Thank you.  You'd be miserable with a sunburn."  She looked at Xander.  "You can go play."

He smirked.  "I played last night."  Joyce scowled and swatted him.  "She was nice!"

"Go do laps."

"She'll run into me and drown me."  He shifted down so Giles could sit next to her.  He stretched up and then out.  "Better."  He spotted someone and grinned, nodding at them.  Married Guy nodded back.  "They're nice guys," he said quietly, noticing Giles had noticed them.  "They helped me get away."

"That's fine."  He and Joyce went back to talking over the problem areas.

Xander worked on his tan. It was time to work on the simple things and pleasures.

***

Xander looked up from his dinner when someone sat across from him.  "Hi, Growly."

"What happened?"

"I'm from the town that got sucked in."

"I saw that on the news.  You good?"

"All my important stuff was out of there.  The rest is in storage anyway."

"That's good.  What're you doing here now?"

"Resting.  Though I'm tempted to go show my ass in a club without stripping."

"You can do that?  I didn't think you had that sort of rhythm," he taunted with a smirk.

Xander smirked.  "You'd be surprised and it depends on the motivation."  He ate a bite.  "Want dinner?  I won't even tease about a date."

"Nah.  We're going drinking."

"Have fun with that.  I can't drink that much.  I'll start hating myself.  Then bad things will happen."  He looked at the guy who teased the back of his neck.  "Hi, friendly.  Who're you?"

"I am Pedro," he said with a heavy accent.

Roque looked at him.  "He's busy for the next twenty while we figure out if we need to protect him from others since I helped save him from some idiot soldiers."  Pedro smiled as he walked off.  Roque leaned closer.  "Word of warning.  He's a drug dealer.  He's a well known drug dealer in the upper levels."

"Figures.  That's the sort of guy who likes me," he said dryly, staring at the one staring at him.  "Know him?"

Roque looked and shuddered.  "Assassin.  C'mon, I'll make sure you get back to the motel."

"Thanks."  He bagged up his dinner and followed him out.  "Think middle america is safer?"

"With your luck, they'll follow your ass," Roque said dryly.

"Possibly."  They ran into the FBI team.  "Are you here about the drug dealer or the assassin who was flirting with me?"

Epps shook his head.  "Neither, just dinner."  He considered leaving again but... "Can we prove it?" he called.

Roque walked over and took his phone from him, calling someone.  He said two names and, "Look them up," then handed the phone back.   He walked the kid off, having to take him from a woman, of all strange things, who was trying hard to suck out his tonsils.  "Is she that bad?" he quipped.

"She was my prom date.  Who used to be in vengeance.  She's the one that girls called on to torture their bad boyfriends.  She *really* enjoyed it before she got fired."

Roque stared at her.  "Now I'll know if she comes near Clay.  He dates batshit insane chicks."  He drove the kid back to the motel and handed him to Joyce.  "Here.  We didn't want to interrupt our drinking tonight to save him from an assassin, the drug dealer, or his prom date."

"Anya's back?" Buffy asked.  "Huh."  She looked at Xander.  "At least he's big and kinda cute."

"He's on the team that saved me from the other army guys.  Thank you, Growly."

"Welcome, kid.  Try to stay in tonight instead."

"Yeah, I'll try to stay safe.  You guys too."  He went to his room.

Roque went to talk to Clay, who was watching.  "The bad boy club is circling around him already.  And I met the girl that punishes guys just like you."

"So we're doing tequila tonight?" Clay guessed.  "And we ran into the kid again?"

"At dinner.  Yeah, that's all good."  They left, giving Pooch all their room keys.  He was the designated driver for everything, including missions.

***

Xander sighed and looked down at the pool, then at Giles.  "I saw Anya."

"Joyce told me.  How was she?"

"She only liplocked me and kept sucking at my lungs."

"Ah.  You could go out.  I'm sure whoever made you flee is now gone."

Xander stared at him.  "Giles, do we know how many psychotic people there are in lower California?" he asked dryly.  "If I ran into seventeen in Oxnard, which is a bit larger than Sunnydale was."  Giles gave him a horrified look.  "Taunting and teasing them is how I afforded the new car without spreading my ass cheeks.  Though there was that really nice one who was  kinda a bit creepy about bringing me home to his mother."

"That sounds like it might have been suspicious, yes."

Xander looked at him.  "He was nicer than the guy who kidnaped me from the club to tie me down and sacrifice small animals overtop of me."  He smirked at the horrified look he was getting.

"Oh, dear.  For what rite?"

"He was supposedly raising power.  He was moving up to a whole family and then me."

Giles stared at him.  "I believe we should make sure no extra magic is on you.  Perhaps that's why you're drawing them."  He led him back to his room to look at that.  He found spells form Willow but not any others.  Though he did remove them.

Buffy looked at Willow, who was staring at herself.  "Why are you glowy?"

"I don't know.  I got some power from somewhere."  She shrugged and they got back to their board game.

Xander knocked and leaned in a few minutes later.  "Giles said if you ever magicked me again he was going to bind you and let me sacrifice you to something," he told Willow.  Who shuddered.  He smiled.  "If you're the reason I've been attracting psychos please stop it."  He closed the door and went to get his stuff so he could go out.  He really needed away from the group.  He walked out of the motel's parking lot to find a cab and found an agent waiting.  "What?"

"No, hell no!" Epps ordered with a point.  "Get some beauty sleep."

"Why?  Is there a convention?"

"Apparently.  Go back inside, kid."

"I was going to club."

"No!  Go inside."  Xander nodded, heading back inside.  Epps called that in.  That way they wouldn't have to deal with whatever was pulling people up to his city.  Though, if he could pull them and find out....  No, that would be using the kid.  Which was always a bad idea.  Plus his father would kill him if he heard.

***

Xander went out for breakfast the next morning, with orders from everyone else, and ran into his friend from last night.

"You avoided me," Pedro said, moving closer.

Xander looked at him.  "I had to get back to the group I'm with.  Right now I have to get them breakfast because they're mostly lazy girls."

"I could help."

Xander looked at him.  "One's a former cheerleader.  She's picky."  He smiled at the cashier.  "Two egg white mcmuffin thingys.  Only fat free cheese," he said with an eye roll.  "One egg white with veggies."

"Mustard on that?"

"No, she'd freak out."  The cashier smiled.  "Girls, ya know.  Two regular biscuits with ham.  One with jam, something other than grape if you can, and a tea bag, and three hashbrowns plus two of the number 2's please."  The cashier rang it up.

"Did you want tea tea or we do have sweet tea?"

"He's British."

"We have earl gray and the lemon stuff."  Xander pointed.  "Yes, sir."  He took the cash and gave him a number.  Pedro got his own and moved to wait with him.

Xander smiled at him, hoping he got to get back.  "Our whole town sank recently."

"I saw that on the news."

"Fortunately they all got out.  Just in time to nag."  His number got called.  "Have a good day, Pedro.  Maybe I'll see you sometime soon."  He hiked the block back to the motel.  He was pretty sure he was being followed but oh well.  He made it back, handing Buffy the bag that had hers and her mom's.  "Giles' tea bag is in there and his are in this bag with Willow's and a spare hashbrown for your mother."  Buffy smiled and took it for herself.  He and his food went back to his room.  Someone was leaning in front of it.  "Hi, Hat Guy."  He grinned.  "Long night drinking?"  He nodded.  "I have some hash browns if you want one."  He nodded and followed him inside.  "So why the guarding?"

"Two assassins and a weapons dealer," he said as he closed the door.

Xander smirked, handing over the hash browns.  Then he took one back and gave him one of the sandwiches.   "They all wanted me?"  Cougar nodded.  "Huh."  He dug in, shaking his head. "I have no idea.  I ran into the guy that Growly saved me from last night at breakfast.  He said his name was Pedro, Growly said he was a drug dealer," he said at the curious look.  Cougar just nodded once and shook his head.  "Are they having a convention?"  Cougar nodded.  "All the arms dealers?"  He nodded again.  "I like weapons but..."  Cougar stared at him.  He shrugged.  "Still have no idea if gay sex is fun, dear."  He smiled.  Cougar smirked back.  "Though, I'm not sure if it'd stop if I did."

"Probably not," he admitted.  He ate a bite.  "Plans?"

"For today?  We're figuring out where Buffy's going, and see if I want to follow her to help her with her duty."  Someone knocked and he got up to answer the door.  "Yes?" he asked the man he didn't know.  "Did we need something?"

"I think that's my room," he said.

"I think this has been my room now for three days."  He closed the door.  He looked at Hat Guy, who shook his head.  Xander sighed and got his gun out, getting a dirty look.  Xander grinned.  "Not exactly a boyscout but my town was kinda dangerous.  I'm not all that nice when I have to be."  He smiled.  "Anyway, how was you guys' drinking last night?"  Cougar nodded.  "Good.  I was bored.  I couldn't even sneak out later."  The door was kicked in and Xander pointed his gun at them.  "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I think you're coming with me, Mr. Harris."

"I think I'm not unless you can produce a warrant, and I've done nothing wrong."  The man snarled.  "I'd go before I kill your ass too."  The guy lunged and Xander tangled him in the blanket.  He punched him a few times then picked him up and carried him out, tossing him over the railing, aiming at the pool.  "Hey, three points," he said dryly when he splashed.  He saw the manager.  "He decided I was his.  Sorry, I'll wash the bedspread."

"Probably needed it anyway, Harris.  Thank you.  Any damage?"

Xander looked at the door.  "Little bit but it looks solid."

"Thank you.  Go back to bed."  Xander nodded, going back in there.  He went to talk to the guys he *knew* were tough guys.  "I know you guys know Harris," he said bluntly when Clay opened the door.  "It's nice one of your guys is having breakfast with him.   I have no idea who the guy Harris just threw in the pool was but do you think you can warn him off your bitch or whatever Harris is?"

"He threw someone in the pool?"  He pointed at the guy getting out.  "Yeah, let me talk to the arms dealer," he said, walking out there.  "Pooch, call someone official."

"Already doing it," he said.  He got put through to the agent that they had heard knew about the kid's problems.  "Agent Granger, I'm a military guy staying at the same hotel Harris is and he just had to throw an arms dealer in the pool.  The manager asked my team leader to go talk to him.  Thank you, yes, there."  He hung up and walked out to help.  "He'll be here in twenty."

"That's fine.  I'm sure we can have a *charming* talk."

Roque walked out holding his head.  "Mother fucker," he said, staring at him.  "I'm going to make your ass beg to open wide for all the cons in prison to do you at once!  You're gonna wish for the Brothers to gang bang your ass."  He hauled him over, and the guy sneered but he quickly went to whimpering.  "Good idea.  Begging is always so sweet," he sneered.

Xander bounced down the stairs and pounced him, staring down at him.  "Now that you have my attention, what did you want it for?"  The guy started to move but Xander had a good grip on his throat.  The guy was struggling.  "Tell me the fucking truth or I'm going to sell you to someone who'll *love* to use you as a tentacle toy."  He eased up some.  "Name, rank, serial number, why me.  Now!" he snarled, letting the hyena come forward.

"Oh, shit, what are you!" he shouted.

"Special."  He stared.  "Now, who in the fuck are you and why the fuck are you after my pretty ass?"

"You're wanted!  Everyone wants you!  They all think they can have you as a good lover because you know and like weapons!"

"I do like weapons but I've never done more than stare at a naked guy."  He blinked his big brown eyes at him.  "Who are you?"

"Simon DeTars!"

"Who is he in the employ of?" Roque asked, staring at the kid.

"I'd answer him.  He's a big mother fucker and very sweet to a pretty little weapons nut like I am."  He smiled at Roque then stared at the guy.  "I might even let him break me in."

The guy wiggled.  "C'mon!  We can do better than a black guy!"

Xander stared at him.  "I've seen strippers bigger than you both.  It's not always about the size."  The man pouted.  "Who do you work for?"

"Delacroix."

Clay groaned, shaking his head.  "Psychotic assholes be gone," he muttered.

Xander looked at him.  "Then who would stalk me?" he quipped.  He heard the cough and got up, hauling the guy up and handing him over.  "Here you go, Agent Granger.  He tried to break into my room so I threw him in the pool."  He grinned.  Then he looked at Roque.  "How many more are in LA?"

"There's some sort of arms dealer meeting."

"I love weapons but I'm not ready to suck on a barrel of one yet."  He walked off.  "Hat guy came to breakfast if you're wondering."

"That's fine," Clay said with a wave.  "I trust him to protect you."

Xander looked at him.  "Gee thanks," he said dryly.

"He's trained, kid.  Let him hit some of them."

"Fine.  He can protect my virgin ass very nicely if he wants."  He went back up there.  Buffy was giving him an odd look.  "Arms dealer."

"Never mind!"  She went back to her room and slammed the door.

Xander snickered, going back to his own room.  He sat down on the bed and finished breakfast.  "Arms dealer."

Cougar nodded.  He handed him the rest of his hashbrown.  Xander grinned and dug in to eat.

"Xander, we're going to the kitten poker place," Buffy called.

"Let me change.  I'm in jammies."

"Yup, I saw that.  You have ten minutes."

"Is that ten girl minutes or ten real minutes?" he quipped.

"I'm already dressed."

He went to wash his hair, put on some deodorant, and put on real clothes.  He smiled at Cougar and waved, heading out with her.  He followed more subtly.  The whole team did and were horrified at the bar they were going into.  A lower class, grungy dive and that girl?  They looked and found a lot of strange creatures.  Xander walked out and pulled Roque in.

"They're decent people, they helped save me from idiots in Oxnard.  Leave them be, people."  They all nodded and let the newbies in.  Xander taught Growly how to play kitten poker.  The rest of the table was staring at them.  "He's good.  He helped this morning when an arms dealer tried to get me.  And helped in Oxnard."  He looked.  "Did you send your geek off?"

"Hell yes.  He was out the next morning and sent back to Bragg in disgrace."  He looked at his cards.  Xander leaned over to help him with the few strange rules.  He nodded and they played well.

"This one cheats," someone called.

Xander looked over.  "They'll eat you if you cheat."  He nodded, not cheating this time.

"Sorry, he's used to playing with army guys," Clay apologized.  He didn't want to know how any of these...beings would *eat* them.

Buffy looked over from her hand.  "Okay, guys, where's the place that needs me?"  They all groaned.  "Angel's got LA and he's right, it's best if we don't get mixy right now."

"Cleveland has a hellmouth," one said.  "But yours is still active."

"Ours is in a hole," Buffy said dryly.  "It'll be years before we get people back there.  I'll be really ancient by then."

"There's the remembrance tonight," one told Xander quietly.

He looked.  "When and where?"

"By there, at dusk."

Xander nodded.  "I can do that.  Buffster, remembrance?"

She looked at the table's dealer.  "When?"

"Tonight, dusk, at the boundary."  She smiled and nodded, texting that to her mom and Giles.  Her mom would tell Giles.  "We can be there."  They smiled and relaxed.  "The Council's already gotten huffy, guys.  I need to have a few good choices.  Cleveland and where?"

"New York?" one offered.

"Traveling like Kendra had?" another one said with a smile.  "She was very sweet and helped my clan by taking out the hunter that was bothering us."

"I'm glad she did," Buffy said, patting him on the flipper.  "I might do that if Mom lets me.  Is New York really heavy?"

"Some but they're like here, mostly settled with young punks that show up now and then," the dealer told her.  "Miami is the same way.  So are most of the older east coast cities."

"Anything overseas I should hear about?" Xander called.

"Did you know there's some arms dealers in town?" one asked.

"Yeah, they already tried to make me the girlfriend," Xander said dryly.  "I had to point out I've never slept with a guy."

"Maybe you should," Buffy quipped.  "It might stop them like the bad girls did."

Xander looked at her.  "Buffy, Anya was *after* my first time."  She gaped at him.  He stared at her.  "Really."

"I didn't know that."

"You didn't need to know that."  He went back to his hand of poker.   He put down two cards and got two back, increasing his bet.  "Sorry, guys."

"That's all right.  She distracts many," the dealer said dryly.

Buffy pouted at him.  "I'm not mean today.  Xander even got us the breakfasts we wanted.  Even with stinky onions for Willow.  Thankfully she sleeps in another room."

They all smiled at her.

"Guys, Oz?" Xander asked.  "Is he still local?"

"Nearly so," one said.

Xander called his phone.  "Oz, me.  No, FYI.  Sunnydale fell in.  We're all in LA.  Playing kitten poker.  She's at the motel.  Yeah, just a head's up, dude.  Have a safe and good trip, man.  We'll miss you until you get back."  He hung up.  "He's leaving later today."  Buffy smiled and nodded.  "He's going to Tibet."

Buffy looked at him.  "Like with the mountains and the news people say that Chinese are mad over?"  Xander nodded.  "Huh."

Xander grinned.  "Maybe you should dye your hair red?"

"I don't dye my hair," she said.  Everyone in the bar snorted.  "Hey," she said weakly.  "No fair picking on me."

"It means they like you," Clay said.

"Then I guess it's okay.  I pick on Xander because he's a friend."  She didn't look over.

Xander smirked at the others at his table.  They all smirked back.  He folded and the game went on.  It was a long morning with Buffy trying to find a place to move to until Sunnydale came back.

It was broken up by two men in serious suits showing up and stomping over to Xander.

"Not again," Buffy complained.  "Xander, can't you turn that drawing bad guys thing off?"

"I don't think they're that sort of serious," he said, staring at them.  "What's wrong, guys?"

"Mr. Harris?"

"Yes.  Why?"

"Sir, we wanted to ask a small favor of you."

"Ask."

"In private."

Xander stared at them.  "Do you think I'm stupid enough to go with two armed guys without knowing why?" he asked dryly.

Roque looked over.  "They're Secret Service."

Xander looked at him then at them.  "Really?  Is this about the guys that kept trying to kidnap me with army ID's?"

"No, sir, but fairly the same reason," the one in the lead admitted.  "Is there a private room here we can use?"

"Speak.  I'd probably complain and there's not many links in common."

"I'd rather it be private."

Xander got up and Buffy followed him to the back room.  "Guys, we need to talk to the agents," he said.  The higher demons stared.  Then at the agents.  They all got up and left their cards there.  Buffy sat on the edge of the table and he looked at them.  "What's on your minds?"

"Sir, how do you draw those sort?" the other agent asked.

"I have no idea."

"None of us do," Buffy admitted.  "It's always been dangerous girls since I met him."

"We have the school's dossier on your group, Miss Summers."  Buffy stared at him.  "How did that mummy come back?"

"Someone broke her seal," Xander said.  "I really felt sorry for her."

"I do the same," he admitted.

"Who did the dossier?" Buffy asked.

"Mr. Giles' reports.  We ...intercepted the people who intercepted them."  He smiled.  "They're the same people who just blew up your town."  He looked at him.  "We would like to see if your unique ability can draw more of the arms dealers in town."

"Beyond the one this morning?" he asked.

"This morning?" the lead agent asked.

"Yeah, I threw one into the pool.  You can ask the military guys out there."  The other one went to talk to one of them.  Xander shrugged.  "I'm not against that.  How did you guys want me to do that?"

"Well, there's the club approach."

"I cannot act high class.  I tried while working at the club in Oxnard and it didn't work.  I got laughed at."

"Okay," the agent agreed.  His partner came back.  "Who?"  He showed him the e-file on him.  "Huh.  Who got him?"

"Granger.  FBI."

"I met him over one of the psychos in Oxnard," Xander said.  "I reported all that to him so he could be aware that they had tried to take me a few times."

"Good idea," the agent said.  "What about a regular club?"

"I can do that.  I often do that."

"You stripped?" Buffy asked.

"Few times."

"Wow.  Why?"

"The car exploded.  Boom," he said, making the hand motion.

"Pity."

"The army guys crashed into my new one the day after I picked it up, with two payments still needed."  She shuddered.  "Which is why I have mine."  He looked at them.  "I can do that or I can do a turn on the stage.  I don't mind helping this time as long as you guys watch my back."

"We would be doing that, yes, and you can even pickpocket them if you want."  Xander grinned.

"Xander!" Buffy complained.

"Bad habit I learned on patrol.  How do you think we paid for the pizzas?  Not like I got an allowance."  He looked.  "Which one of my parents died?"

"Both but your uncle's alive."

"Huh."  He nodded.  "I have the stuff I danced in before but I'm guessing Oxnard was a lower rent area."  They nodded.  "Is the club you guys liked leather, jeans, music type?"

"The one you did with the teasing down to your jock was good," the lead agent said.  "I saw that one.  Music is vast and varied but not country.  Leather ... up to you.  Not my choice."

Xander smiled.  "Got it.  I need to hit a store.  I know I don't have something I need because they ripped."

"Go for it, sir.  Do you need anything gear wise?"

"I want someone in the club," he said.  "I know I'm decent but I'm not that great.  I can't take on an army of drug and weapons dealers."

"Drugs?" one asked.

"This guy named Pedro, who Growly said was one, showed up at dinner last night and breakfast this morning."

"Growly?"

"The big black guy with the hangover."

"Captain Roque," he said, going to ask him.  He told him who the guy was and the assassin.  He came back, staring at him.  "What do you think about them watching your back?"

"They're on leave."

"We can get them more downtime, Harris."  He called that in, getting permission.  He waved Clay in, getting a scowling Colonel.  "For tonight, we're using the kid to draw some."

"That's probably a bad idea.  He's not trained."

"We have nightly patrols in our town," Xander told him.  Buffy hit him on the arm.  "I'm not great but I'm not that green.  Beyond that, I'd be stripping."

"You weren't bad.  So you guys want what?  Him to have backup?"

"Yes.  We'd be in the club as well but better safe than sorry with the ones who've already wanted him."

Clay nodded.  "And in return...."

"You get an extra week of downtime and can go wherever."

"Pooch would appreciate seeing his wife."

"Good.  This club," he said, showing him the profile in the system.

Xander looked.  "If it's in the system, won't they know about it?"  The agents asked.  Xander leaned out.  "Guys, which strip club have the arms dealers been in?  I need a new rifle and I'm going to sweettalk one out of a discount."

"Reggie's," they called.

"Or the Pillar but it's a bad place."

"Thanks."  Xander pulled in and shut the door again, staring at him.

"I wouldn't ask this team to try to survive the Pillar.  So Reggie's...."  He looked that up and nodded.  "Harder music, scungy floor, badass needed."  He looked at him.

Xander smiled.  "Okay."  He shrugged.  "Let me shop to get some new jeans, guy."  He walked off.  He cashed out and waved.  "Laters.  Let me find something pretty that Buffy will want to steal to pet."  They all laughed.  He left, going to find the shop he needed.

***

Xander turned his first turn on the deck, staring at the guys.  Whole lots of navy guys tonight.  He moved closer to tease them, seeing the sneers.  "Then why are you here, baby?"  He winked.  "I don't care what your style is."  He moved on, dancing for one of the others up there.  There were a few in there, in the back areas, the darker seats.  Xander moved out to draw them.  Just like usual.  They made the best tippers.  He did okay and came off, going to get a drink.  He smiled at one, who shook his head.  He walked off, going to sit with the navy guys.  "So, did they bring you because they wanted to see what you'd do or because they're picking on you?" he asked as he sat down.

"Probably to pick on me," he said sullenly.

Xander patted him on the wrist.  "Some of us aren't gay here.  I'm here because I have to move since my town just got sunk.  So I need money."  He smiled.   "Beyond that, smile.  Half the guys in here will see your uniform and treat you like candy and the others will shy away because they know the military rules."

"I've never been thought of as candy."

"Everyone should be candy to someone.  A good woman will treat you that way someday."  The navy guy smiled.  "And for this, you get to razz all the guys for *weeks* because they knew where a gay strip club was."

"I don't care if they are."

Xander smiled.  "Then get back on the pony, Corporal.  You're moping and it's only getting you pity looks and no drinks."  He got up and strolled off.  He looked at the manager.  "What did I do wrong?"

"We prefer more...boytoy but hardass here."

Xander smirked.  "Let me try it again.  How do we feel about country?"

"Shitty."

"How do we feel about jazz?"

"Better.  Most of our people love heavier metal."

"Yeah but I can't get naked to that."

"Naked could help."

"Sure.  I can do that."  He winked and went to get ready.  He stretched this time.  He ached for some reason.  Maybe the drink had been laced.  It had tasted like it was E so he was fine with that.  Not the first time this summer.  Everything would just be...happy.  He went back out for his next one, which usurped a usual dancer, who glared.  He kissed him to start off his set since that's what the music called for.  Then he smiled, winked, and strolled out to dance to it.

This time, the guys were more interested.  He got a lot more showing of his ass.  He was down to the thong by the second song of the trio.  The third, he did mostly swaying his ass and teasing until he went down.  A few of the guys moaned.  He smirked and leaned down to kiss one then hung his thong off his finger, over his shoulder, and strolled back to kiss the next dancer again.  The guy smirked.  Xander smirked back and strolled off, his butt cheeks flexing.  He got a few hoots that time.

So his third and final dance tonight he'd kill.  The drink this time, he looked at the bartender.  "Can I have an undoctored glass this time?"  The guy gave him a scared look.  "I don't mind E but really."  He smirked and blew a kiss.  "It'll take more than some cheap drugs to make me learn how to blow.  It'll take some special incentives."  He winked and walked off with his new drink.  One of the dealers was smirking at him.  He smiled.  "Lonely?"

"Not fully but you seem ...interesting."

"Sometimes.  Sometimes I'm just...a bit naughty."  He sat down.  "I'm Alex."

"Intera."

Xander shook his hand.  "Where are you from, Intera?"

"How do you know I'm not from here?"

Xander smiled as he leaned closer.  "LA is the home of the pretty people who want to be seen.  Everyone here is about the pretty.  You're hiding in a shadow.  Your clothes are expensive but not flashy.  Your jewelry couldn't be classified as bling.  And your haircut is practical, not fussy."

"Not everyone locally is like that."

"Most of 'em.  I'm from up the road and even the guys who work fast food are wannabe actors and models."

"Good point.  Are you?"

"No, my town just had an issue so I have to move.  I'm making money to move on.  I did some really nice work in Oxnard when my car exploded this summer, earned a new car, so it's nicer this way."  He smiled.  "I get paid much better than I would for fast food."

"I can agree with that.  How much do you think you made in tips just now?"

"Maybe a hundred, hundred and thirty maybe."  He smiled.  "This is my first night here and I'm still getting the feel for this club.  I'm hoping my third set tonight is magnificent and I get really good tips so I can pay for the motel for the next week."

"You know, there's faster ways to earn money."

Xander blushed, but smiled.  "I've never done more than stare at nude male art, Intera.  I have no idea what to do if I'm given that choice."

"Hmm.  Full virgin?"

"No, I've had a few women but my town was tiny and a college town, plus I'm a bit geeky."  He grinned.  "It was slimmer pickings than it is here in LA.  That's why I went on my roadtrip and got stranded in Oxnard.  But it was a nice town."

"I've heard that."  He smirked.  "So, Alex, how much do you like weapons?"

"I love weapons.  Especially the rocket we had to fire off last year."  The man moaned and shifted.  He grinned.  "I'm very lucky someone gave me some...codes."

"You had codes?"

"About four days out of date," he admitted.  "That was actually my best date in high school."   He grinned.  "That ex-girlfriend's a wannabe actress."

"Interesting."  He stared at him.  "What would you do for a new toy?"

"That depends on the toy.  And the tempter, wouldn't it."  He got waved at.  "Sorry, let me go get ready.  As for a new toy, I'd definitely bark.  I'm not sure if I'd roll over or not though."  Intera growled a happy sound.  Xander went to see the manager.  "Better?"

"Much.  Got something a bit harder and less drama?"

Xander nodded.  "Yeah but I'm told I look pissed off and mean."

"That's fine."

Xander went to put on his new jeans and a looser t-shirt.

"That's too loose."

Xander smiled.  "It's getting ripped off anyway.  Thanks."  He found the right shoes and stretched.  He popped his neck and it was better.  He got out there and found the navy guy at the stage again, winking at him.  His music came on and he shifted, scowling at him.  "Bad boy," he said.  The navy guy shivered.  He tempted him into grabbing him and then walked off, letting him rip the t-shirt.  He was totally dancing a girl fit on stage but the crowd liked it a lot.  He was getting more tips.

He shifted closer to one to 'nag him' and winked at the end.  When the line 'you may've bought it but you're a fool to think you can take it back' was sung, he pulled a knife and cut the jeans off, making the crowd groan.  Xander was down to a very nice velvet thong, which was kinda see through-ish.  When the lights hit him, it was shadowed.  When it wasn't, it was more solid.  He danced back toward one of the military guys.

Growly was smirking at him and he winked.  He pulled his own knife and stripped the thong from him, keeping it.  Xander finished dancing the last half a song that way, getting a lot of hoots and hollers.  He finished up with a bend over to grab his clothes, and the crowd went nuts.  He had a lipstick print drawn on the inside of an ass cheek.  He winked back at them and walked off humming.

The manager stopped him.  "How did you get that there?"

"Tape."

"Never mind.  That was good.  Can you do more like that?"

"I'm not sure how long I'm in town."  He considered it.  He was bored shitless waiting on orders.  "As long as you never try to coerce me into the back room and no one doses me again."

"I can do that, though you'd make good money."

"Never touched a guy."

"Damn.  Well, that'll work then.  You sure?"  Xander nodded.  "Four days a week.  Starting tomorrow."  Xander nodded, accepting the tips from the bouncer.  Xander paid him, paid the DJ, paid the bartender, then came out with his bag, sitting with Intera again.  The manager stared and Xander gave him a pointed look.  He knew why he was here.  So he could bait.

Xander smiled.  "Better?"

"Much better.  That was quite an enjoyable show."  He smirked.  "Are you feeling better?"

"Much.  I sweated most of it out."  He saw someone move.  "I'm officially off for the night.  I was going to go to Temple."

"That's a fairly low class club."

"It has its points.  A lot of the locals don't go there but it has a world class VIP lounge and a great floor.  Come with?  I need to drop my bag in my car but ....  I think it's an underused club."

"I can see trying it."  Xander smirked and got up, heading out.  Intera paid his tab and followed.  That had been a nice tip.  A few of the others heard and followed.  He found the VIP room charming and decent.  Multiple little nooks and a lot of strippers went there.   The ones who wanted it could talk the pretty strippers into table dances.  The club's management didn't really care about anything.  They even blatantly put out condoms on the lamp bases.  Xander was in his element, teasing blatantly.

Two of the younger thugs were trying to get him but Xander wasn't letting it happen.  He finally let one of the guys closer, earning a scowl from the other one.  "He has things I could learn to like.  You're just...bling."  The guy huffed off to talk to his boss.  Who laughed and agreed.  Xander got the guy good, he was seriously wanting and hot.  Xander was teasing and he knew it was a tease.  Though he had already pickpocketed him.  And most of the others.

One of the bigger guys came down, making the littler thug huff off.  "Boy," he said, smirking at him.

Xander smiled.  "Not quite that young."

"I saw you pickpocket him."

"He was groping without permission.  Are you going to spank me for it?"

"No.  Everyone's a bit mercenary."  He pulled him closer.  "I think you'll be coming home with me."

"I think there'd better be a really good incentive because I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now."  The gun against his side clicked.  Xander looked down then at him.  "Huh.  That's nice.  I could use a new one of those."  He moved.  The guy pulled him back.  Xander let the feral nature come up.  The man shivered at his stare.  "I'm not looking for a boyfriend."  He moved the gun.  "And if that comes near me again, it's mine."  The guy snickered.

Xander had already lifted his wallet and two of his passports.  He got the last one and held it up, reading the name.  "Victor Ortiz."  He looked at him.  "Clearly a fake."  He tossed it on the table and took the gun from him, looking at it.  "Weak gun too."  He tucked it into his waistband, earning a few looks.  "I love me some weapons.  I'd probably even learn to suck cock for weapons, but not yours."  He blew a kiss and walked off.  "Thanks for the gun."  Most of the others were watching and Xander smirked.  "If I ever go for a man, it has to be a *man*.  Not...  Well, someone tougher than me let's put it that way."  He strolled out.  A few tried to entice him but his play time was over.  He ran into one outside, who kissed him and tried to claim him but he got pulled off by Growly.

"So, you need a real man, huh?" he said with a smirk.

"If I'm gonna go for a guy, it's gotta be someone tougher than I am.  I know I'm decent but not the full badass I can be yet, but that doesn't mean I'm going to agree to sex for rescues or faint in someone's arms going 'my hero'."  Roque smirked at that.  "Though, if you can disarm the blinky thing I can see on my car I'll give you a kiss with tongue.  It'll be my first real one with a guy."

Roque looked and used a knife to slice the right wires.  "Done."  Xander kissed him and Roque enjoyed the hell out of it.  "When did you get peppermint candy?"

"Schnaps."  He grinned and winked.  "Maybe you can show me some new weapons?"

"I probably could, yeah."  He got the kid into his car and watched him head off.  The rest of the team gathered and went back to the motel too.  Xander had already sorted out the wallets.  "Don't take the credit cards.  They can track those."

Xander smiled and held up an ID card.  "Isn't that Pentagon?"

"It is," Clay said, taking it to look at.  "Official and real too."  He put that into his jacket pocket.  "What else did you get?"

"The one I tossed said Victor Ortiz."  He took that down.  Xander added in the other information.  Then he handed over the passports.  "Will that help?"

Clay smirked as he read them.  "Quite a lot."  The agent in charge walked in and shut the door.  "Passports, wallets?"

"That last one?" he asked.

"The one outside or the one I scared?" Xander asked.

"The one outside."

"Apparently really wanted a kiss."

"What did you get given at the club?" Pooch asked.

"E.  Not the first time this summer.  I tend to get chatty and pouty and cuddly."  He grinned.  "The bomb?"

"We got it," the agent assured him.  "Nice catch."

"It was twinkling on a dark street."

"It was."  He looked at the information.  "A few aliases we didn't have.  Anything else?"  Clay held up the passcard.  "That's interesting."

"Real too."

"Who had it?"  Xander pointed at the passport.  "Get anything else?"

Xander got his dance bag and looked, handing over those wallets.  "I didn't get the chance to strip the money."  He found something and held it up.  "And bling."

He looked.  "Keep it or sell it, kid."  He smirked.  "Nice work."  Pooch stripped all the wallets for him and they searched them.  "Hmm.  One has a picture of someone who looks like your friend Willow."

Xander looked.  "That's her cousin Bethany.  She's from upstate New York."

"Interesting."  He smirked.  "Thank you.  Where is she?"

"Her room."  He pointed.

"Even better."  He went to ask her about that girl.  Even a little bitty thing like an address might be important.

Xander took the money.  "Thanks, guys."

"He offer you a full time?" Clay asked.

"Four days a week."

"Shave," Pooch told him.  "You were more furry than the other guys."

Xander grinned.  "I know.  And I need to do more situps."  They all laughed.  "Thanks for watching my back, guys."  They nodded and left.  Xander got comfy and made a few plans.  He had made nearly six hundred in tips and another sixteen grand in pickpocketing.  Plus jewelry.  So a good night and he could get a decent breakfast.  Though he would be staying away from the places he had already been since they seemed to find him there.

***

Xander was found the next night at work by Cougar, who was at the front of the dance deck.  He smirked at him and nodded politely, but didn't tease him that much.  Even when he held up a five dollar bill.  Xander winked at him and moved to the really dangerous fucker who had shown up.

"You did better in Oxnard, Nighthawk."

Xander stared at him while he danced.  "Maybe.... I could play different music there."

"Clearly.  Maybe you should switch to a better club."

"This one has nice security."  He smiled and wiggled for him, earning a sneer.  "But anyway."  He moved on to tease Cougar now, getting a smirk back.  Then he moved on again to someone who wanted to think he was a big tipper offering tens.  Xander teased him for a second then moved on again.

"Oh my fucking god," a female voice said loudly.

"I'm not the one you're thinking of but if you wanna switch I'll gladly help you build me an altar," he called, cracking most everyone up.  He finished up on a harder tune, which made the dangerous one growl.  Xander winked at him and leaned down to kiss him on the forehead.  "You need to take something for the growlies because it can cause even worse upset stomachs."  He walked off.

The manager was snickering.  "Know him?"

"From Oxnard.  They arrested him twice on homicide charges."  He smiled.  The manager moaned.  "Yeah."  He went to change and stroll out.  He got a nice mixed drink.  "No drugs this time, right?" he asked.

"No, Alex."

"Thank you."  Xander walked around the women.  "Ladies night is tomorrow," he quipped.  "We all love dancing for the ladies."  He winked.  "They like us more."  He went to sit with Cougar, who was smirking at him.  He glanced at the other guy, getting a slight nod.  "I have got to figure out some better music.  Before I could intermix some country, some lighter, but not here."  He sipped his drink and glared at the bartender.  He put it aside.  "I hate drugs."

"I do too," Cougar agreed.

The dangerous one came over.  "Not liking the drink?"

"I'm not liking the drugs in it," he quipped, smiling at him.  "Was that you?"

"No."

"Hmm.  Cool."  He smiled.  "I need music suggestions."

"You need more rhythm.  A good, long fucking will cure that."

"Yes, but you still tied me to an altar that once and I'm not into pseudo-religious stuff."  The blinked his big brown eyes at him.  "I require dating."

"Fine.  Dinner?"

"Not tonight but see me tomorrow.  I'm off."  He smirked and walked off.  Xander looked at Cougar, who pointed.  Xander looked and sighed.  "Figures."

"It could help," he said quietly.

"Yeah but I haven't picked up anyone recently."  He shrugged.  "I'll do that later."  Cougar nodded.  The manager walked past.  "Here.  He did it again."  The manager sniffed the drink and went to chew on the bartender.  "Maybe I should switch clubs.  There's that new one."

"Only girls."

"Not that one.  The one by the classy strip joint with all the rock stars."  He got a confused look.  "The one with the Nirvana symbols."  Cougar shook his head.  "Yeah, that's guys.  I checked when I was passing through before I went to Sunnydale.  They seem to do more mellow nights too."  Cougar wrote down an address and handed it over.  "I'm not old enough to work there," he said dryly.  "They insist on twenty-one."

"True."

"I'm not," he said quietly, getting a grin.  "If I knew how I did those things, I'd perfect it."

Cougar nodded.  "Natural scent."

"Could be, yeah."  He got up to get a soda and came back, lounging again.  "I'm being a lazy bitch tonight."  Cougar smirked at him.  "I dance again in about an hour."  He looked back.  "Ladies, since there's not much activity tonight, what do you want to hear me dance to?"  They giggled and said something.  "I can do that.  I do a really hot country number."  They grinned and he went to get ready for that one.  The DJ scowled but Xander handed him a CD from his tape player.

He sighed because the girls were chanting so he played it.  Xander did get happier to that music.  The manager was whimpering but the girls were tipping heavily.  When Xander got down to the thong, the ladies were reaching for him.  He let one stroke then backed up a step and let it come out.  They shrieked and giggled.  He smirked and finished up then leaned down to kiss one on the head.  "Thank you, ladies."  They grinned.  He gathered things and went back to change again.  His soda was still waiting on him.  The ladies called him over so he went to tease them some more.  It was cute of them.

***

Xander was at the new club, which he liked a lot more.  He could be his goofy self here and they allowed country music.  They didn't allow heavy metal but he could play some rock when he wanted to.  And he got to play on the mechanical bull.  Which was where he ran into Roque and Clay.  He was doing a show on the bull, which was making the people in the bar hoot, holler, and yell.  Which made him good tips.  Xander rode it the whole way, mostly naked, and shaking it to the music.  The ladies loved it.  The guys were cheering him on.

When the bull finally stopped everyone cheered and Xander winked as he slid down the side to stroll off.  He kissed one lady who was panting.  "Hi, baby."  She moaned and kissed him for real.  "Thank you.  Cute lipstick."  He winked, going into the back to get into his patrol kit for an antidote.  The head bouncer looked in at him.  "Poisoned."  He gulped the potion with a grimace.  "Eww."

"You good?  Need medical?"

"I should be fine.  That cancels out most poisons unless it's something real exotic.  Just tastes nasty," he said with a shudder.  He got dressed and leaned back in his chair.  "Can't drink for twenty with it."

"Sure."  He went to tell the manager, who had her detained and searched.  The kid got the antidote and he was happier.   He finally got to go out, get a drink, talk to people.  Swat the guy trying to grope him until he got off him.  The bouncers pulled him out and tossed him.  Xander smiled at the pouty woman.  "Sorry."

"No, he shouldn't grope anyone else but me."  She pulled a knife.  Xander pinned her hand to the bar and popped her on the jaw.  The bouncer got her.  Xander threw it into the wall with the other weapons, earning a few claps.  "Weapons are not permitted unless they're personal carry," he quipped.  "And easily disarmed."  The crowd laughed.  He noticed Clay and smiled at him.  He even bought them beers.  Then he strolled off to find something new to dance to.  A few songs intrigued him.  One really got him moving so he selected it and did his next dance.  And two others he kinda enjoyed.

The crowd appreciated that and paid him handsomely for his ass's skin being shown.  He disappeared into the back and then came out for the last dance of the night.  It was his fifth, he was tired, he was sore.  He needed to pep himself up.  So he'd work the crowd up.  Which he did well enough to need to be saved.  The bouncers weren't able to stop the surge toward the stage when he did the lipstick kiss print showing.  Xander managed to save his own ass and get to the back room, staring at the other dancers.  "I think they like me."

"I think they want to steal you."

"Yeah, I think so too."  He got his stuff together.  "I'm going to cut now."  One of the bouncers managed to get in and looked at him.  "Sorry?"

"No, it's a good thing.  They're buying beers in sorrow that you're gone for the night."

"Sure, I can sneak out a window.  Gladly."

"Please."  He helped the kid get outside and the bouncer waiting out there escorted hi to his car.  Where someone was leaning.

"Kid," Roque said.  Xander gave him a sheepish look.  "Damn."

"People seem to like that."

"Uh-huh.  Too much."

"How drunk are you?" the bouncer asked.

"I've barely had three beers."

"Are you guys at the same motel?"  Roque nodded.  "I'll give you a lift back, Growly.  Your wife with you?"

Roque snickered.  "Yeah.  He's inside with the next crazy chick."

"Didn't I throw her out?" the bouncer muttered.

"Different one."

"Huh."

Xander got into the car, letting Roque get into the passenger's seat.  Xander sild in to drive.  "I'm off tomorrow, right?"

"Hell yes.  Manager said you're off until Friday," the bouncer assured him.

"Killer."  He drove off with a small honk.

"They ever straighten out where you're going?"

"Buffy's in Cabo handling something.  Willow's parents made her switch to a school overseas so she'll be back in about six months, and I'm doing this and saving up money for something bigger."

"New car?"

"Maybe a house."

"That'll tie you down."

"Yeah but sometimes it's nice to have a safe place you can hide all your guns."

"I prefer knives."

"Knives have an allure but after three years of staking people... I'm not sure I like knives all that much all the time.  I'm ready for some long distance weapons.  Keep my ass from being thumped."

"You guys...staked?"

"How else do you kill vampires?"  Roque stared at him.  Xander nodded.  "All over Sunnydale."

"I know it had a high death rate...."

"Because of the vamps," Xander agreed.  He pulled into the parking lot and stopped the car, smiling at him.   "Like all the demons at the bar we let you follow us to.  Most are peaceful, some aren't.  Vampires aren't, except for Angel, who's the town's problem solver."

"Huh," he said, shaking his head.  "Okay."  Xander grinned.  "All good little boys should be in bed by now."

"Who said I'm a good boy?"  He gave him a look.  "The one that kissed me used poisoned lipstick.  The crazy bitch with the knife had an ATF badge in her purse.  I'm still drawing them."

"Clearly, kid."  He got out, letting the kid get out and lock the doors.  "You make good tips tonight?"

"Fairly decent.  Four hundred I think."  He shrugged.  "Could've been better but it's the end of the month and a Tuesday."  He headed for his apartment.  "Need walked home?"

"Do you?" he snorted.

Xander smirked.  "Not the damsel."

"You'd make a good one."  He followed.  Xander gave him a look.  "Making sure there's no boogeymen under your bed."

"No, I killed the last one."  Roque laughed.  "Seriously."

"You should move into a place."

"I can't find one that doesn't require at least three grand for a deposit plus rent.  Usually plus utilities."

"You'd have to live farther out," Roque agreed.

"Which is a problem."  He opened his door and looked.  "Good instincts."  Roque growled and the bed shook with the guy underneath it.  "Hey, it's the one from earlier."

"You're moving tomorrow then," Roque ordered.

Xander blew a kiss.  "Not your girlfriend.  I'll find somewhere decent to hover."  Roque growled and moved closer.  Xander stared at him.  "I'm still not fainting at your feet."

"Maybe later.  I hate fainters."  He hauled the guy out from under the bed and threw him out, into the pool.  Then the guy in the closet and the one in the bathroom.  "Do they think you're a slut?" he taunted, slamming the door and locking it.

"It's possible they do.  The whole job thing does throw some people."

"Uh-huh.  So how's the *weapons work*?" he asked smugly.

"Still nothing with it."  He shrugged and looked a bit nervous.  "Posturing aside."

Roque pulled him closer to kiss him.  "That's even better."

"Um...."  He was kissed again and it was nice.  His head was swimming but it was...decent.  And hot.  And moist.  And then there were hands.  Nice hands.  Firm hands.  Stroking hands.  Hands could be nice.  As it turns out fairly nice.  And warm on his skin.  Even the calluses weren't that strange to him in the moment.  Even when he got nudged down to get closer to the warm skin, he wasn't really worried.  The pressure on his head gave him indications of what he was supposed to do.  And it wasn't bad.  Roque clearly liked it.  He got one back and it was really much better than his attempt.  Xander went limp after he came, grinning a bit.  "For a first time, that's not bad."

"It's not a first time until your cherry pops," Roque said in his ear.

Xander turned his head to look at him.  "I have *nothing* to help with that."

"I have something in my kit."  He got up and put on pants, hiking over to his room and back.  The kid hadn't locked him out so clearly he was interested.  Or as it turned out, asleep.  He checked, still alive.  Bit warm.  Roque got comfortable.  The kid would wake up pretty soon.  Him staring at people did that.  Though the boy just sighed and snuggled into his chest instead.  He stared down at him.  "I'm not exactly into cuddles, kid."

Xander bit him and he hissed.  "Cuddles are elementary to Xanders and if you want in my ass that much, you'd better learn.  At least for tonight."

Roque snickered.  "I can let you cuddle later."  He moved to tease him some more.  He knew he'd have to work his way back up to it, the same as he would for any woman that had a break in the center of the sex.

***

Roque got up in the morning to someone pounding on the door.  "Fuck off," he called as he got up to answer it.  He stared at Clay.  "What?"

"You...."  He spotted the body on the bed.  "You came back to do him?  Is he suddenly desperate?  Are you that dangerous now?"

Xander sat up, looking at him.  "Do you mind?  He just got done popping my cherry a few hours ago.  I'm trying to sleep."  Clay glared at him.  Xander threw something at him, making him yelp and start patting himself down.  Xander blinked at him.  "Yes, I think I picked the better one and I'm sorry your husband there left at you the bar, Wifey Colonel, but it wasn't really planned."

Roque looked at him.  "It was actually pretty good."  He smirked.  "Calm down.  He's always cranky when he doesn't get any."

"Then he should get on his knees like a proper wife."  Xander got up and went into the bathroom.  "Let me clean up."

Clay glared at Roque.  "He's a little shit."

"Actually he's not.  Or else you wouldn't have been putting out small fires."  He smirked.  "What's the matter?  The crazy chick bad at it?  Or did you find crabs again?"  He slammed the door and went to calm the kid down.  Normally he wouldn't care but he respected the kid.  Xander was pouting but he slid into the shower with him and it was easier.  "He's sorry he's an ass."

"It's fine.  I knew you were taken."

"He's not...."

Xander looked at him.  "If he didn't, he wouldn't nag like one."

"He'd never let me," Roque said quietly.

Xander hugged him.  "I'm sorry your wife won't bend over."  Roque swatted him but he was smiling.  "So I guess I have to find a safer spot to squat later on."

"Yeah.  You could probably afford an apartment."

"I probably could but here's easier.  There's a housekeeper, I don't have to pay cable or utilities.  All I have to do is buy food and I'm not eating that much."

"I noticed you lost weight."  He looked at him.  "Look at an efficiency by the colleges.  They're usually cheaper."

"That's still farther away."

"There's one five miles from your job."  He helped him and they got out, drying off together.  Xander went for breakfast, running into Cougar, who gave Roque a pointed look.  "Back down, kitty cat," Roque ordered quietly.  "Clay's already went psycho this morning."  Cougar rolled his eyes but left them alone.  Roque got a paper and went back up there.  Xander came back with breakfast.  "You need to eat better."

"I know but it's cheap."

"Clearly."  He handed him the paper.  "I'm sure you know the areas."

Xander nodded.  "I've been looking.  I even talked to a few but they didn't like my job.  I even said I bounced at the club, not danced."

"Then let's look on the commando set list."  Roque took the paper back to look over while he ate.  "Can you cook?"

"Yeah, slightly.  Had some fast food jobs when I was younger."

"Huh."

"Cooked at the place in Oxnard for the buffet.  I started out washing dishes."

"Huh.  I thought you started out drawing psychos."

"No, they were short one night and the manager ordered."  He shrugged.  "I sucked at it.  So I watched the others and my second time was less frozen road deer and more better and I kept getting better."  He pointed.  "I looked at that one."

Roque looked then shook his head.  "Too big and too flashy."  He found a few he circled and one he called right off because the number looked familiar.  "Tim?"  He smirked.  "I served with him before he got shot."  Xander grinned.  "Helping a young guy who's helped the team in the past.  Nope, young stripper.  Male," he said, rolling his eyes.  "Nighthawk still?"  Xander nodded.

His former teammate moaned.  "I take it you've seen him?"  Tim described him.  "Yup, him.  No, at a residence motel where others have broken in to steal him.  That's what he was looking for yeah.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "We can go over in two hours and look at what he has open."  Xander grinned. "It might be under mom standards."

Xander shrugged.  "My parents were drunken assholes, Roque."  He finished his breakfast.  "Thanks for the help."

"Not a problem.  For some reason I like you."  Xander smirked.  "Get something that's about what you make a week."

"That depends on the time of the month.  The first week, I get two, three grand usually.  This week, I'll be lucky to get six."

"Split it in the center.  No utilities there."  Xander grinned at that.  "And don't pick up a sugar daddy."

"I've turned down two.  One who I woke up next to in his apartment.  Which he offered me."

Roque shook his head.  "You need to quit drawing guys like that."

"His wife wanted me."

Roque snickered.  "What did she do?"

"High up in the FBI."

"Figures.  You turn her in?"

"Swore to if she ever tried to have me kidnaped again."

"Good."  He helped the kid pack things and then they went to look at it.   His former teammate nearly drooled on the kid.  The kid smiled and acted all nice back.  The apartment was scummy.  Really scummy.  But it had nice space.  It just needed cleaned a whole lot.  And a new carpet.  And some tile work.  Tim apologized.  The last tenant had just moved out and left it in that condition.  Xander negotiated cleaning it to knock off some of the security deposit.  Which was fine with him.

Xander asked a question about self defense weapons rules.  Tim snorted and said he didn't care as long as the ATF didn't raid.  Xander grinned.  He signed and paid out of his checking account.  He and Roque carried up the bags and then Xander took him to his storage area.  Roque figured it had some extra clothes, maybe pictures, maybe some tapes.  Which it did, but it mostly had weapons.  Roque stared then at the kid.  "I don't have this many."

Xander shrugged.  "Nature of the hunting?"

"Clearly."  He looked.  "Nothing larger?"

"I'm not supposed to collect artillery."

Roque stared at him.  He was trying too hard to act innocent.  Which he wasn't.  "What did you lift?" he demanded with a smirk.

"If I tell you, you'll want to turn it in or use it."

"Yeah.  Probably.  It is the law."  He smirked.  Xander sighed and they packed all that and went to his other one.  Which didn't have video cameras or security.  But the storage area had two locks and inside was horrifying.  Roque stared at them then at him.  "Lifted?"

"Poker debts."

"Yours?"

"Theirs.  I play a great hand of kitten poker."

"How many cats does one of those equal?" he demanded.

"About fifty bucks per kitty," he said, closing the door when he noticed a station wagon driving their way.  "Hmm, they're worried I'm corrupting you."

Roque looked at Pooch.  "They paid him in higher gear."

Pooch looked and moaned.  "Damn."

"Yup."

"You can't move this to your new place," Pooch told him.

"I can so."

"You can't.  They'll definitely know and hear."

"Yeah but we have yearly apocalypses here."  They both stared at him.  Xander nodded.  "Every spring," he quipped.  "Just like Sunnydale."  He closed and locked it again, smiling at them.  "It'll be used this spring I'm sure."

They stared then shook their heads.  "If it is, call," Pooch ordered.

"I don't have anyone's phone numbers."

"Uh-huh," Roque said.  "Let's go put up the rest of your collection."  Xander nodded, letting him lead the way back to the car.

"We'll talk as a team and figure out if we can do something to help with that problem," Pooch said.  He got into his borrowed station wagon and drove off calling Clay.   Maybe the kid was Roque's type after all.  Pooch had always thought he was a nice, goofy, sweet kid with bad taste.  Clearly not so much.

If the team had a competent tech, maybe they'd look the kid's past up better.

***

Xander finished putting up guns and swords and crossbows, which confused Clay.  Then he went to shower.  "I've got patrol tonight, guys."

"Patrol?" Roque asked dryly.

"Yeah, as in going to handle the newly coming up and those things."  He leaned out.  "We did it every night in Sunnydale.  Even while we were in high school."  He ducked back into his shower and finished up then went to get dressed.  He came out pulling on an overshirt.  "You guys can order a pizza if you want."

"I don't think so," Clay said.  "We need to talk."

"No, I need to do this.  We can talk later if we need to talk."  He shrugged.  "Otherwise the death rate goes up again.  And we get notice."  They all stared.  He waved.  "I'll be back in about four hours if you guys want to order dinner.  Or hook up the tv, ya know?"  He grinned and grabbed what he'd need, heading out before they could really figure out how to stop him.  That would let someone follow him, which he was sure was going to happen, and see that he wasn't an innocent bystander sort who liked weapons a bit too much.  It'd also give them time to talk amongst themselves and come up with a plan to talk him out of his babies.  Which he wouldn't be giving up.

***

Cougar came back from following the kid, shaking his head and muttering in Spanish.  "Bad?  He knock over a liquor store?" Clay quipped.  Cougar sat down and told them what the kid had done tonight.  They all stared.  He had also recorded a lot of it for them because he didn't have enough words in any language to describe seeing a person turning to dust.  Xander came in with a gallon of milk and a box of Frosted Flakes.

"Thought you could cook," Roque said.

"I can but this is for dinner."   He shrugged.  "What?"  He put them up and cleaned up, then cleaned his weapons so they could be put up.  He came out to staring.  "Guys, kinda freaky with the freak staring contest."

"You and the blonde did that every night?" Clay asked.

"Most every night, yeah.  Though she has a bad habit of thinking I'm normal."  He sat down.  "Sorry if it freaked you guys out.  I know it's not exactly the same thing you guys do."

"Not hardly.  We use guns."

"Buffy hated guns.  We could only use stakes.  Here in LA I use some guns but I can't find wooden bullets."  Cougar moaned and shook his head, covering his face with his hands.  "Sorry?" he asked, getting up to get a bowl of cereal.  "Anyone want some?"

"Sure," Clay said, getting up to get himself some cereal.  He sat down and watched the kid be wary but eat.  "Calm down.  We're not going to bitch you out for doing a dirty duty like that one."

"It's really necessary."

"I get that."  He ate and the kid nibbled too.  "The storage area however....."

Xander moaned and got up, getting something.  "It was a present."  He sat down to find the files he had Willow steal for future looking back reference.  He let them see that.  "This spring in LA."

They watched the battle, Roque grimacing.  "What is that?"

"A law firm's idea of fun."

Cougar looked at him then at that.  Then back at him.  "Not that bad."

Xander switched video clips.  "My graduation."  They watched and all four of them shuddered.  Xander nodded.  "So yeah, it happens.  It's needed.  I wish I'd had those then."

"I would too.  Who planned that?" Clay asked.  Xander slowly raised his hand.  "How?"

"Way back in tenth grade," he said dryly.  "We had a chaos sorcerer show up.  He decided we should become our costumes."

"You went in uniform," Clay guessed.

"BDU's from the thrift store and a toy gun."  He ate another bite.  "I'd weed it down but we might need it."

"Aren't there official people who could handle it?" Pooch asked.

"Angel."

"No, I meant like agents."  Xander shook his head.  "At all?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"They don't like to see demons."

"Good point, neither do I," Roque admitted.

Xander shrugged.  "I know more of them than I do decent people.  I like some of them a hell of a lot more than some people I know too."

"I fully agree," Clay said.  "But that's still too much."

"And too unguarded," Pooch said.

"Best I could do without getting my ass busted."

"I agree," Clay said.

"We'll talk to that agent you know," Roque decided.  "He's clearly been in town for a few years.  Does he know about up there?"

"I'm pretty sure he does."

"Good.  Then we'll talk to him.  I'm sure he's realized those things happen here too."  Xander nodded at that, relaxing some.  "Thank you for being reasonable."  Xander shrugged.  The guys broke up for the night, going back to the motel.  Though, Roque gave Xander a pointed look, getting a shrug back.

"Go grocery shopping tomorrow," Roque taunted with a smirk.

"I will."  He grinned and settled into his new bed all by himself.  "I should've asked about pets."

***

Agent Granger showed up at the park that afternoon, as requested.  He found two military guys waiting.  "I thought I was supposed to talk to Xander."

"He's here somewhere getting an ice cream cone so we could talk," Clay said dryly.  "The kid's been getting paid in weapons for the upcoming spring problems."

"I know we have a slight case of apocalypse every spring."

"The kid's ready for that," Pooch said.  "And paranoid."

"He should be."  He saw him coming back.  "You have what?"

"Half of what I wanted in Sunnydale."  He stared at him. "Kitten poker debts."

"How much?" Granger sighed.  Pooch pulled out a list, which made him tense up.  "This is insane."

"This year's going to be bad," Xander said.  "The whole underground is saying there's some neo-nazi demons and things.  Including a huge weapon."

Granger looked at him.  "How about we work out a way to store it for you guys?"

"Angel doesn't even realize I'm in town," Xander said bluntly.  "Supposedly it's his duty.  He's just ignoring things."

"Yeah, I've seen him a few times.  We like you more.  You're less freaky and have more sense."

"Yeah, for over two hundred, he broods a lot."

"I don't want to know."  He stared at the guys, who all shrugged.  "Good idea getting me involved, guys."  He looked at the kid again.  "All right.  I'm going to talk to my boss, who does know.  He's from here.  We'll figure out a way to keep them safe and out of destruction in case we need them, and if we do need them you'll be telling us and letting us help."

"You guys hate demons."

"I know the government hates demons.  I'd rather remember that demons were around instead of having half the city destroyed."

"Wolfram and Hart," Xander said, taking another big lick.

"Good to know.  That's a law firm, right?"  Xander nodded, going back to cleaning up his dripping cone.  "Are you doing that on purpose?"

"No, but only the dangerous ones like me," Xander quipped.

"Uh-huh."  He walked off shaking his head.  He went back to the office.  "Don, we need coffee.  The store was out," he said as he walked past him.  He grabbed something from his desk and walked out again.  His boss and teammate followed him down to the garage.  "I'm driving."

"Sure."  They got into his personal car, not the agency issued one that has cameras.  "What's going on?" he asked once they were on the street.

"Remember....  Let's start this another way.  Do we have any plans for spring?"

"Another one?" he demanded.

"Yup."

"Does someone else?" Don asked.

"Yup."  He drove them to the storage area and found it.  No locks.  He called.  "Which one was it?"  He found that one, different building number, and got into it after picking the locks.  Don Epps whimpered for the first time he had known him.  Colby stared at him.  "Spring plans."

"How?" he asked.

"Poker debts."

Don stared at him.  "Kitten poker?"  Colby nodded, closing things up and locking it again.  "Harris?"

"Yup."

"Why?"

"Spring."

"Does the other guy know?"

"No, he said he doesn't even realize he's in town or that he's probably continued to patrol.  I'm guessing the military guys did."

"What military guys?"

"That same commando team that helped with the identity getting last time."

"Interesting."

"So we need to decide what to do."

"It's not staying here."

"Can we find a way to store it in case of emergency and then maybe loan if necessary?"

"I've been looking.  We have an anti-communist invasion vault from the fifties.  It's under FBI control.  I'm trying to get the boss to put it under mine."  He called him, walking off talking about that and that they had the modern version.  He came back.  "We can steal all this for that.  We need to check because he thinks no one's updated it since it got moved there."  Colby nodded, calling them to tell them that.  They'd move the weapons to wherever for them.  Colby smiled at the 'you owe us dinner, kid' response one gave.

Epps drove them over, using the code he had been given to get into the storage warehouse.  He stared.  "Yeah, it's all ancient."  The team pulled up and put everything inside but one of them was staring at things.

"We can fix those up," Cougar said quietly.  "Not that hard."

Epps stared at Xander.  "Anything else and it goes in here, kid.  Automatically.  No matter what.  If you need to use it, you call as far ahead as possible."  Xander sighed but nodded.  "How many do you have at home?"

"Small gun collection, some swords, some crossbows," Clay said.

"Swords?"  Xander nodded.  "Never mind, I don't want to know."  He walked off.  "It's my job now to watch over this.  So no borrowing the other stuff without permission either."

"Yes, mom," Xander said.

"Thank you!"  He left once they had the new stuff concealed.  He and Colby went to have a headache.  Xander went to grocery shop and make dinner.

***

Xander looked up from his dancing a few months later, finding a curious looking man staring at him.  "Back up, sir.  You're not allowed that close."

"I think you'll find I am."

Xander looked at the bouncers, who looked scared.  So Xander kindly pulled up a boot dagger and got the guy in the stomach, staring down at him.  "No you're not."  He walked over him.  "I'll get back when the trash is cleaned up, people."  They clapped and a few cheered.  He reached over the bar to call someone.  "Epps, I have one of your people here I just stabbed in the stomach because he assured me he could stand right next to me when I was dancing.  Club."  He hung up and strolled over to get a soda.  "So anyway, who is he beyond that?"

"He said he had a warrant."

"Then he wouldn't have been standing there.  When the FBI wants to arrest you they don't just stand and stare at you like they're stunned stupid."  He sipped and walked back, waving at the officers.  "Did he tell you that bogus warrant story too, guys?"

"Sir?"

"He somehow scared the bouncers and told me he had the right to be on stage within threatening distance to me.  It's a minor flesh wound though."  He smiled.  "I'm very paranoid about my safety."

"Is that because an arms dealer nearly took you the other night?" the bartender called.

"Yup, definitely."  He smiled, leaning down to frisk him.  "Bad fake FBI ID."  He tossed it aside.  "Which has the wrong motto.  I don't think Gonzo's noted at this point in time."  He found a few other things.  "Hmm, contract on my life."  He held that up.  The officer took it and gently moved him out of the way.  "Want me to question him?  I do a really good job."  He smiled.

"No, that's fine, sir.  We can."  Someone else stomped in.  "Um...."

"He's a real agent.  I've had to hide behind him twice because of things."  The officers smiled at him.  Xander got the ID case and looked at it.  "When did you guys start swearing your loyalty to Gonzo and his chickens?  Since the Motto reads 'Gonzo will Protect and Service the Chickens' in Latin?"  He let it be taken.  "He had a contract out on me too."

Epps took that to look over as well.  "Not just you.  Which one's Oliver?"  Xander leaned over to whisper in his ear.  "Is he here tonight?"  Xander went to get the new kid and bring him out.  "Sir, this man had a listing for a contract on your life," he said, letting him see it.

"I have no idea why."

"Me either, sir, but we need to talk about this."

"Don is an actual agent," Xander told him.  "He's the guy I hid behind when the arms dealer took me."

"Okay, sure."  He went with them.  The officers nicely helped out.

Xander waved.  "Have a nice night."

"No, I was at home watching the game," he complained.  "Can't you send the bad guys who like you to New York or Houston for a while?"

"Why do I need to move?" Xander complained.

"Good point."  He left.  Tonight was going to be a long night.

Xander shrugged.  "I say we give me forty minutes to slip into some body paint."  He grinned.  The people watching moaned.  "Maybe a real strip off?"  He strolled off.  He had some nice peel off body latex/paint stuff that was excellent and a really long show.  "Guys, I'm doing the latex thing," he said as he walked in.  They grinned and one went to dance while the others went to sell drinks.  When Xander came out, he had a really long set peeling little pieces of latex off every few minutes.  The crowd got to help with some and they liked that a lot.  It came off in bigger chunks tonight so it was a faster show but the crowd still liked it.  The long show gave the other dancers time to sell drinks, which made them better paychecks.  The boss liked it too because it sold drinks.  A lot of drinks.

***

Xander opened the door to his new apartment, he was moving up in the world, to find a familiar guy and an unfamiliar guy.  "Hi, Hat Boy.  New teammate?"  Cougar nodded, walking in with the other guy.  Xander shut the door.  "I'm trying to mangle dinner if you guys wanted to join me."  They were staring around.  "Don't ask," he said dryly.

"We've heard rumors," Cougar said.

"Me too.  Mostly about me suddenly taking over for someone huge in the underground but it's not true."

The blond guy with glasses was staring around.  "This is a really nice place.  Not as nice as my sister's house but still really nice.  But you know an apartment can never be a house but still really nice."

Xander grinned.  "You guys finally found a tech like me."

Cougar nodded.  The blond grinned.  "Clay said we should visit."

"That's because only the dangerous and deadly like me in that special kidnaping way.  The last two have been dweebs who had that draw.  This way he's sure whether or not you're one of them."

"Well of course I'm dangerous," he said dryly.  "But you're not female and pretty."

Xander smirked.  "Thank God, breasts cause problems."  Cougar snorted, shaking his head.  "They do!"  Xander stared at him.  "You guys missed it.  I had to go drag to get away from one of them.  He stalked me for six damn week."  Cougar stared at him.  "I had to do drag for a week and a half to throw him off and wait for him to leave the city.  I told Roque that and he said he wanted pictures."  Cougar nodded.  He pointed at the wall.  "I asked a real Queen to help."  He hugged him.  "Thank you for shooting his stupid ass when he left LA."

The blond guy snickered.  "Jennings?"  Xander smirked and nodded.  "No, I'm nowhere near the dickwad he was."

"Which is cool."  He walked into the kitchen.  "Roque tells me I'm a crap cook for anything beyond basic stuff so if you're hungry, cook and clean up."  Jensen followed to see what he had.  Cougar was still staring at the picture.  He looked at Xander a few times then shook his head.  Xander walked behind him.  "Double sided tape itches," he said in his ear, cracking him up.  He went to change.  "Are you guys just hanging out before the rest get here?"

"Probably.  Clay said they'd be in for a few days of downtime on Tuesday."

"I'll clean the bathroom then."

The blond grinned.  "That's cool."  He looked at the sniper.  "He seems like a nice guy.  Is he related to Roque?"

"Not quite."

"Huh."  He went back to making them breakfast and handing them each a plate.  Xander kissed him and sat down to eat.  "Welcome, friendly one."

Xander grinned.  "Only sometimes."  The blond grinned and nodded he understood that.  "You might warn Clay that the new female dancer is his type and likes arson.  She's just out of jail for setting her cheating boyfriend on fire for sleeping with her teenage sister.  While they were together."  He nodded.  Jensen texted that for him.  "That way Roque can't growl at his duty wife."

Jensen snickered, nodding.  "They do act like it at times.  So how did you meet the team?"

"They were saving me from other commandos who wanted to kidnap me and use me."

"Huh.  For what?"

"That draw."

Jensen nodded.  "It could come in handy."

"We've already seen him once," Cougar said, digging in.  "Peppers."  He got them some milk.

Xander ate, he liked it.  "I needed some spice.  We're doing cowboys and Indians tonight at the club."  Cougar stared at him.  "I'm due to be a cowboy because I'm the only dancer who can do the bull.  I thought about making it a dual stripper show on the bull but that would be bordering on pornographic.  The boss said no."  They both smirked at him.  "Simulated only.  I'm not that sort of boy either."  He ate a bite and went to answer the door.  He saw Roque and Clay, who had the package from DHL delivery guys.  He took it to look at.

"Who gives you rubies?" Roque asked.

"Some guy who really wants my ass to be his.  I've sent them back but he's not getting a hint."  He shrugged and tossed it on the table, going back to eating.  "He made breakfast."

"We usually appreciate that," Clay admitted, sitting down.

"Peppers," Cougar warned, eating a bite.

Roque sat down.  "Which stupid mother fucker is this one?"

Xander grinned.  "I want to kill him myself."  Roque gave him a pointed look.  "You're good but I don't need a spouse, dear."  He blew a kiss and got finished, going to load the dishwasher.  He came out to kiss him hard and fast.  "Help me get ready for tonight?  I have no idea how to be a cowboy."

Roque growled.  "You and that damn bull."

"Well, yeah."  He smirked.  "I might even have to save the damsel later."  He winked and strolled off.  Roque followed to 'help' him.

Clay shook his head.  "It's a casual thing," he told his new tech guy.  "Xander only draws the deadly and dangerous."

"Did you get the text?" Jensen asked, finishing up.

"I did.  Sounds nice."  Cougar glared but he just smirked.  "Cowboys?"

"And indians."

"Jesus!  That's cold!  My ass does not need ice cubes!"

"He's louder than Jolene," Clay called with a smirk.

"Bite me," Xander called back.  "Of course he is.  I'm fantastic."

"It's a sometimes thing," Clay told Jensen.

"It's all good as long as it's willing and fun."  He shrugged.  "If he likes the scary man with the big knives, I'm all for it.  Must make Roque happier to be around for a few days."

Xander strolled out to grab something and went back in there.  They heard the distinct sound of a whip and Roque cackling in glee.  Then someone came running out whimpering and trying to hide behind Clay.  "He thinks you're doing a crappy job as the on-duty wife, Clay."  He slammed the door.

Clay glared at the idiot, who shrank down and nearly under the table.

Jensen looked over the edge of the table at him.  "You giving Clay a blowjob probably won't help anything but his bad mood you caused."  Cougar swatted him.   "Or Cougar's bad mood you're causing."

"I have standards," Cougar said bluntly.  The man started to bawl but moved closer to Clay.

"No thanks.  Crying does not get me off."  He kicked him.  "Out!  Now!"  He sucked in the tears and gave him a hopeful look, mouthing him.  "You fucking freak," he said dryly.  Cougar got up and pulled Jensen with him.

"We'll go ...grocery shopping," Jensen announced.  They left them to their ...fun or whatever.

***

Jensen had tracked the present to this guy, who was a big, black, dangerous guy.  If Xander was looking to switch, he'd make a heavyweight bad boy boyfriend.  He stared at him.  Then he smirked.  "Xander's mine and I don't share."  Xander didn't know they were having that talk.  Though the hangover from watching him tease in lewd positions from the back of the damn mechanical bull only added to the growl.

"He could trade up to a man with money."

Roque smirked as he pulled out a knife, testing the edge.  "He doesn't need to trade up.  He has all he needs and wants."  He looked him over.  "Clearly, you disprove the brother stereotype."  He smirked as he walked off.  "Only warning you'll get."

"I have the weapon he wants," the guy called.

Roque smirked.  "I'm the one who taught him weapons maintenance.  He doesn't need to trade to a smaller barrel."  The man glared.  Roque smirked.  "Your loss, but find a ho instead.  They're satisfied with anything tiny as long as it has a wallet."  He walked out of the restaurant and back there.  Xander was napping before his job that night.  Maybe he'd teach the kid something new.  He had taken it easy on the kid, mostly.  He got back and found Xander on his knees in front of a pantsless Clay and Clay hissing and moaning.  "Didn't I teach you not to use your teeth?" he asked dryly.

"It'd feel better for him if I was blowing him instead of cleaning the bite marks.  Did she have a cactus, Clay?  There's a tiny tear hole like a cactus spine."

"No.  Canines," he sighed.  Xander looked up at him.  "Wannabe, not real.  I'd never fuck a corpse."

"Then you're one up on Buffy, who used to date Angel."

"Eww, don't make me puke," Roque complained.  He looked.  "She bit you, Clay?"

"Twice," Xander quipped.  "He couldn't stand to clean it."

"I can't really stand to watch you clean it."  He shook his head.  "Sucked to be you," he quipped.

"Cute," Clay growled.  "Xander, can't you bite him?"

"I did, his skin didn't break.  You made him too tough."  He smirked.  "Or else he'd have an interesting scar on his chest."

Roque nodded.  "He got paid back for it too."

"I had to call off tonight because of that bite mark.  Todd, the manager, wanted proof it was that noticeable.  I went in to show him on the way to get stuff to clean this.  He said you're clearly a hungry man and to never let you do it again.  And to get a tetanus shot because you never know where your mouth has been."

Clay snickered.  "I'm pretty sure I know where it's been."

Xander grinned.  "Not really.  He didn't even offer me a handjob, Clay.  You need to teach him better manners in the field."  He looked up with a nasty grin at the swat.  "If he does it for you...."  Clay was growling.  Xander smirked and stood up.  "Go soak in the epsom salt to make sure you don't get an infection.  Otherwise people will call you stumpy instead.  Then you'd end up a basic training lecture to the new boys and girls."  He got out of grabbing range.

Roque grabbed him.  "He already is.  Too many of them think his taste is ideal."

"Clearly someone did last night."

"I meant in women but she clearly did.  Didn't that hurt?" he asked.

"Hell.  Yes."  He got up with a moan and went to soak in the tub he'd made Jensen clean earlier for him.  "You need a maid, kid."

"They're expensive, even if they're illegal."  He looked at Roque.  "You really shouldn't bite me.  You might scar me and then they won't pay as much to see my pretty ass."

Roque spanked him lightly.  "Yes they would.  All the psychotic mother fuckers on this coast travel to see you."  He smirked.  "He was as big as me but not as built as me."

"I've never met the man.  He just heard."  He shrugged as he walked off.  "I told you I was handling it."

"I'm having Jensen check to see if he's in weapons."

"No, I think he was n pros."  He smirked from the kitchen.  Roque growled.  "No, I don't get paid for that," he said dryly.  "I'm still not that sort of boy."  He heard Clay going 'owowowowow' and went to look.  "Did she bite you somewhere else?"

"For some reason a feather came out."

"Quill pen to scratch for blood probably.  Where?"  Clay glared at him.  "Fine.  Roque, your on-duty wife needs you to remove a quill tip."

"Coming."

"I'm not sure if he'd appreciate that or not."  Xander got out of the way.

Roque walked in.  "Who in the fuck uses a quill?"  Clay pointed at the scratch marks on his chest.  "Uh-huh.  Where is this tip?"  Clay growled.  "Flip the fuck over."

"I'm not that sort of boy to quote your thing."

"Yeah you are.  If it's insane you'd pretty well do anything for them."  He helped Clay shift over, seeing the feathers.  "Did she use the whole bird?"

"Damn well feels like it."

Roque pulled on the feathers.  They came off the center shaft.  Clay was wincing.  "How did you not notice this?"

"I think she slipped me something."

"Yeah, I'd say she did."  He went to get some lube for this.  He'd have to go in and get it since it was tip up.  "We think she drugged him."

"Probably LSD or something similar.  The local group she hangs with likes it a lot."

"Charming."  He went back in there with the tube, working one finger in.  Clay was groaning.  "Shut up.  This is hard enough without you getting happy."

"I'm not!  Did your fingers swell?"

"Yup.  That's why they're perfect for going up any ass or pussy ever."  He found the end of the quill and pulled it out.  "It's broken."  He went to get the rest.  Which meant he had to switch up to two fingers to grab it.  "Damn it.  Xander?"  Clay groaned, shaking his head.  "He has smaller fingers."  Xander came in with gloves on.  "There's a piece."

They switched spots and Xander gently lubed his fingers and inserted them, making Clay stiffen.  "Easy, Clay.  If you tense, it moves farther up and I'll end up fisting you."  He found it and gently pulled.  "And of course it stuck in."  He gave a gentle shift of it and it came out.  "We might have to flush the feathers out."

"Is this humiliate a Colonel day?" Clay demanded when he saw the hose.

"Only if you want it to be," Xander offered.  "Do you want to keep the feathers up there and that small puncture has to be cleaned.  Which means you need a liquid diet for a few days."

"I was going to drink myself into a stupor anyway," he said dryly.  "Fine, whatever.  Can't be worse than when a nurse does it."

Xander smirked.  "If you want, I'll make it more fun."

"Don't you dare," Roque complained.

Xander gave him a shove and got Clay out of the tub and against the sink so he could run the water.  Clay tensed when the tube was inserted but Xander was massaging his lower back to make him relax.  Clay was moaning and gripping the side of the sink.  "Just relax."  He checked his stomach and then turned off the water.  "Work those muscles he says so much about," he said.  Clay swatted at him.  "Poor thing."  He tickled him, making him tense up and wiggle.  Xander grinned.  "You need to make sure that area's clean.  And later if you ask really nicely I can even put some of the inside the body antibiotic ointment on it."

"He ripped you?" Clay demanded.  "He knows how to be gentle with a virgin.  I'll kick his ass if he did that."

"No.  Stretched me pretty wide but not ripped me.  It was for a deep cut on an arm."  He hugged him.  "Thank you for being an overprotective harem wife of us lesser wives."  He got swatted again.  Xander removed the hose.  "There you go.  Then soak."  He left him to go to the bathroom by himself.  He tossed out the gloves.  Jensen was back with Cougar, looking confused.  "His girlfriend of the evening hurt him."

"From what I understand they all like to hurt him," Jensen quipped.

"No, this one had pointy teeth," Roque said smugly.  Jensen whimpered, gripping himself.

"Hand him that cream when he's done, Jensen."

"Sure, Xander."  He smiled.  "You're not a bad field medic."

"I learned from Willow, who had learned from her mother's textbooks.  That was how she used to play doctor."  Roque burst out laughing.  "She did a lot of my early stitches too."

"I should kill those bastards," Roque said with a smirk.

"Why?  They're dead.  Only an uncle left.  I never see him."  He sat down and got pulled into Roque's lap.  "Am I lap candy?"

"Yes."  He smirked.  "Later on, can I get a private show?"

"Maybe."  He smirked.  "We'll see what sort of mood I'm in."  Roque smirked.

Jensen looked over.  "Xander, we got cupcakes for your birthday tomorrow."

Xander stared then started to sniffle.  "That's the nicest thing I've had happen in years, Jensen."  He got up and gave him a hug.  "You're better than a girl any day."  Jensen hugged him back.  He heard Clay swearing.  "Something else sharp and pointy?"

"Getting back into the damn tub.  The epsom salts burn."

"That means they need to clean stuff," Xander said.  "I could've suggested the ocean."

"No thanks."

Jensen tossed in the cream.  "For the bite marks."

"Thank you.  Go away please?"

"Sure."  He grinned at Cougar.  "I want to go to Disney."

"Disney?" Xander asked, looking at Roque.

"I'd kill every single screaming kid there was," Roque assured him.  "Jensen, take good care of my boy.  Don't let him make himself sick.  Cougar, watch out for more of his type of people."  Cougar gave him a dirty look.  Roque stared back.  Cougar huffed but let the boys change and lead the way to Xander's car.  When they were gone Roque called Pooch.  A panting Jolene answered.  "We all lost the best.  She bit him.  He has two bite marks, with fangs thank you, and she poked his ass with a quill we had to pull out."

She cackled and hung up.  Roque settled in to watch tv.  His goofy bitch was going to do whatever he wanted.  He'd call it a birthday present for him.  Though it did mean he'd have to find something for his goofy bitch.  Lap candy always got something for each leave time.  He got up and decided to taunt Clay.   Maybe his next girlfriend of the hour would be better to him.

***

Roque watched Xander.  "Why don't you crawl over here and show me how well you slick yourself up," he said, patting his naked thighs.

"Because that's a boyfriend's job?" he taunted with a smirk.  He turned to dance to the mirror instead.

Roque growled.  "Good bitches should slick themselves up for a good, hard ride as a birthday present."

Xander looked back over his shoulder.  "I'm not that sort of bitch.  Because it's only a good, long ride if it starts off with foreplay and a suck."

Roque smirked.  "I might indulge that."

"Then you'd prep me not have me do it.  Because lube tastes nasty."

"Yes it does."  He stared, patting his lap again.  "I want a lap dance, Xander."  He smirked and danced closer.  Roque pulled him onto his lap.  "I meant a real one."  Xander knelt around one thigh and danced for him.  Roque smirked, liking that.   He spanked and got bitten for it.  "Ow!  Bitch!"

"No spanking."

"Fine."  He watched him move and get him hard.  He kissed him and ran his fingers over the hard cocks.  "I'd like to see you ride my bull."

Xander smirked.  "We'd have to see, huh?  I prefer being ridden."  He rolled over onto his back, spreading out.  "You can even be on top instead of behind."

Roque smirked.  He usually took Xander doggy style but that wasn't such a bad idea.  "Fine but if I do you're being tied down."  He looked at the tanned, soft, yet strong flesh.  "What do we have to do that with?"

"Not a damn thing since I don't usually appreciate being tied up."  Roque smirked and looked in his toybox.  Not even play cuffs.  Jensen leaned in and tossed over a bag.  "Hey!"

"We got them to tie Clay down when he was drunk."  He left them alone.  "He's really well built," he told Cougar.

Xander stared at him.  "I'm not into the really kinky things."

"I'm sure you're not."  He checked in the bag.  Pink fuzzy cuffs.  Clay would've been mortified to see them.  Including ankle straps.  Those had some promise.  He left his hands free for now but tied his thighs apart and to the headboard.  That gave him a nice open play area.  Xander was groaning.  Roque dipped down to lick up his cock and that made him happier.  There was medical grade lubricant too.  That was nice of him to need.  The thing in the bottom of the bag was cute too.  He wouldn't need an enema kit tonight though.  He dipped down to tease his boy for not giving in.  Xander was wiggly and he liked that.  He also grabbed his ears when he was taunting him and scratched.  That got him bitten lightly and the hands cuffed but put on the pillows.  "Next time they're behind you."

"That'd hurt."

"You'd enjoy it after a few minutes."  He went back to his tormenting.  If Xander had just went along with his plans there wouldn't have to be torment.  Xander was loud too.  He liked that about him.  He dribbled some spit on the waiting hole, using that with a single thick finger.  Xander winced and shifted.  "Want the medical stuff or the slick stuff?"

"Slick stuff.  You're still huge."

"Want me to work you more open this time?" he taunted.

"I'm not saying it's bad and if I said yes I'd end up with your hand in me."

"Probably not tonight."  He got the slicker lube and poured some in since the hips were nicely tipped up.  He massaged the butt cheeks to get it deeper and into the hole, which made Xander shiver.  "I should take you now."

"You rip me and I'll make you suffer," Xander promised quietly.

"I'd never do that.  It's no fun for me if I do that."  He stared at him and smirked.  "Or you."  He'd lose his good thing if he hurt him and he knew that.  Xander was just dangerous enough to kill his ass if he did something wrong.  He teased the outside of the hole with both thumbs, making his boy shiver and twitch.  "Better than a blowjob?"

"Mostly."

"Good."  Roque got into position and slowly pressed in with just the head.  Xander was panting and wiggling.  He held him still, letting it get used to that depth.  Then he slowly inched back and slowly in again.  He'd only had Xander's ass about six times and his boy clearly didn't play without him present.  He was still really tight and that was great.  "I should've done this your first night," he said with a smirk.  His boy tried to scratch him.  He let him.  It was more thrill.  He slid in deeper and deeper, leaning down to kiss him before he slammed in that last inch.

"So damn tight," he said.  "New boy tight and then some.  I like that."  He pulled back and slid in again.  "It's clear you're only my bitch."  He started off slow but deep.  Which he knew Xander liked.  He worked up to fucking him like he would be if he was on his knees.  Xander was keening and clawing up an arm trying to find purchase.  "How's this for a present?"  He slammed in a few times, going as deep as he could.  Then he pulled back and released his handcuffs.   He shifted against the footboard.  "Ride me, Xander."

"This is some macho bullshit ownership thing, isn't it?" he panted.  He got himself free and got to his knees.  "What if I say I'm not yours?  I'm not ownable."

"That'd be playing with fire," Roque growled.  Xander smirked and shifted.  "On the lap or I'll see if someone wants to help me."

Xander stared at him.  "I'm not for rent."

"I never thought you were. " He pulled him over.  "You are my sort of volatile though."  He pulled him closer, making him straddle him.  "Slide down me and I'll give you a ride you won't forget for days."  Xander moaned because he was teasing his cock.  "Be my bitch tonight, Xander.  You know you want it."

"What if I don't want to be the bitch?  What if I want to be held and stuff since it's technically my birthday now?"

"Your present is coming tomorrow night."  Xander stared at him.  "This is all my present."  He teased the hole.  "Slide down me and take control, Xander."  Xander pouted but did that.  "That's my boy."  He shifted so Xander could ride him.  "I'm better than any bull."

"Are you jealous of a mechanical bull?"

"Yes.  It seems to get you hotter than me," he quipped dryly.

Xander stared at him.  "Stupid."  He kissed him and rode him gently, which drove Roque nuts.  The gentle rocking of his hips, the not intense up and downs.  Roque was growling.  "You wanted ridden like you're a bull."

Roque bucked up and Xander went with it.  He had to set a harder pace before the boy drove him nuts.  "Most girls would do this for me."  Xander cut him.  Roque snarled but smirked.  "Is that my knife?"

"No, it's mine."  He put it back under the pillow and smirked.  "I'm not a girl."  That got him flipped onto his back and ridden harder again.

"You're still my bitch, Xander.  If you admit it, we'll both be happy."  He growled at the clawing his side was getting.  "I'm clipping those on you tomorrow."  He kissed him hard and rode him harder.  Xander was appreciating that.  He was nicely loose and happy.

Clay slammed the door open.  "Some of us are trying to sleep," he complained.

"I'm not sharing so unless you're here to get into Roque's ass...."

Clay kicked the door shut and walked over, finding the lube.  "Sure, I can do that."  Roque growled and tried to grab Clay but he smirked and still got two fingers into him.  He found the prostate too by the look on Roque's face.  Xander clamped down around Roque, making him growl in pleasure.  "Hmm.  This isn't the birthday present I expected him to give you."

"He's in ownership mode."  Xander stared at him.  "Well?  If you're going to rub him off...."

Clay smirked and rubbed better over the prostate.  Roque went stiff and whimpered a few times, trying hard to thrust before coming.  "He lets you go bareback?  That's really trusting of him."

"No, he's supposed to use a condom," Xander complained.  He smirked at Roque, grabbing the handcuffs and hitching him down.  "My birthday present."  He stared at the body underneath him.

Clay smirked.  "You could teach him better manners," Clay said.

"Yes I could."  Xander looked at him.  Clay leaned down to kiss him.  "I'm not a toy to be shared."

"You need a better man to play with you."  Roque as growling in a whole new key now.  Clay smirked at him.  "Didn't teach him what good foreplay was?"

"He doesn't need it like that, Clay.  Go back to bed."  Clay smirked as he walked off.  He stared at Xander.  "Rinse out those bad boy germs."

Xander leaned down to kiss him.  "They taste surprisingly like yours."

Roque smirked and stared at him.  "You could climb on top here."

"I don't think so.  I have to clean up all the messy stuff."  He got a baby wipe from the bedside table to do that.

Roque watched.  That was pretty.  "Dip it inside slightly to catch some more, Xander."  Xander stared at him then shook his head but did it for him.  It turned into an erotic cleaning and the boy was *real* good at it.  He even cleaned him and then laid down on his chest.  "These cuffs won't stop me," he warned when he was stared at.

"Uh-huh."  He teased him with an evil smirk.  "I'm not a bitch.  An occasional lover but not a bitch.  Bitches have collars or bling, depending on the type."  He stared at him.  "So I'm not either.  I could easily go find a replacement all those months you're gone and I haven't."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Good.  You'd better not.  Teasing in the middle is one thing.  Treating me like your possession and ass candy is another."

"Fine."

Xander kissed him.  "Want me to continue what Clay started?"

"No, I want you on top," he said smugly.  "Or letting me watch you finger yourself."

"I can't get a good reach."  He smirked meanly.  "That's why I always play with toys."  He got out his favorite lube toy and settled in to use it on himself.  Roque was nearly drooling.

"That looks like most white boy cocks I've seen.  Tiny and stiff."  Xander kicked him.  "You're bigger.  I'm sure the new tech boy has one that size though."

"Not from what I saw when he came out of the shower."

Roque was growling again.  "You looked?"

"He was in a towel and we passed in the hall."

"So he rubbed against you?"

"No."  He smirked.  "I don't flirt with your team."

"Hell, I wouldn't care if you did.  Others I'd mind but not them."  Xander stared at him, the toy stopping.  "I trust them with everything in my life, Xander."

Xander nodded.  "I get that but I'm still not a rentable bike."

"No, you're clearly not."  He watched Xander tease himself and then the toy got taken out.  The hole was nicely flexing in the open air.  He felt the toy touch him.  "I'm a top, Xander."  Xander smiled and licked over him, using the toy to fuck him while he sucked him.  Roque was growling and liking that.   He got the cuffs free and wound one hand into the short hair.  He could appreciate this little bit of intrusion when he was getting such a good blowjob.  "I taught you well."

"Yes, you did.  I had someone offer me six grand the other night for a blow job."

Roque flipped them over, ignoring the toy.  "Did you beat his ass?"

"I graciously said I don't do that and I had a boyfriend who was deployed."  He smirked.  "He said that I clearly needed someone to step in when you were gone."  Roque dove back into his ass and rode him hard and fast, making them both sweaty.  Xander saw the toy fall out but he also saw Clay sneak back in.  Xander flipped them a bit so he was in a better position.  Clay had found the toy box and found what he wanted, slicking it up and sliding it into Roque's ass.

"Clay!  I'm going to kill your ass!" he complained loudly.

Cougar walked to the door and shut it, walking off shaking his head.

"You look pretty and volatile like that," Clay taunted, stroking him.  "Very nice ass, even if the rest of you is ugly as hell."

"He is not," Xander said.  "He's a very manly man."  Roque kissed him hard and got off, trying to get Clay.  Xander laid there and stroked himself.  His boyfriend with the big black dildo up his ass was kinda hot.  Clay pinning him to taunt him was hot.  Roque looked over at him.  "You look good with that up your ass, dear."

Roque smirked at him.  "I'll fuck you to death later."  He got Clay out of the room and took out the toy, tossing it aside.  "I want to see that in you later."

"Only if you clean it."

"Yeah, I can do that."  He laid back down and nipped Xander on the neck, earning a swat.  "I know, no visible marks.  You're off tomorrow."

"You being all claimy will last for days, not one day."

"If I'm doing it right, you'll feel it for weeks," he promised, sliding three fingers into his boy's ass.  Xander let out a happy noise and wiggled with their intent.  Roque was happy watching him do that.  His boy was sensual and fun.  Roque considered spoiling his tightness but he enjoyed it too much.  "I'd handball you but then you'd never be tight again," he growled in his ear.  "I love watching you on my hand."

Xander panted.  "You do and I'm swatting.  With the knife."  He gulped air.

"This is sexy and hot on you," Roque said.  He did add in his little finger.  Xander did swat him and reached for the knife but he stopped him.  Roque shifted them so Xander could see in the mirror.  "Look how pretty your ass is, Xander.  Riding my fingers.  Greedy, flexing and sucking at them."  Xander was still panting.  "Watch," he ordered.  Xander watched himself.  "It'd be so easy but you'd never be this tight again."

"Kegels," he panted.

Roque looked at him.  "Was that permission from my bitch?"  Xander shook his head.  Roque kissed him hard, fast, and shifted his fingers in deeper.  Now he was at the third knuckle.   "Someday I'll handball you," he promised.  "I'll tie you down like earlier and watch my hand get eaten by that tight, hot ass.  I'll miss the tightness but it'll be so good.  Not that I'm not about that size anyway but I love you tight."  He tensed when he felt a touch to his ass and looked back.  Clay was parting his cheeks.  "What are you doing?  You're fully drunk and out of your mind."  He yelped at the hot tongue that hit his cock.  "Oh, damn!"  He was happy with that tongue and was happy with his fingers too.  Xander was looking a bit oddly at him but he kissed him.  "He's drunk."

"Not my favorite thing."

"He'd never touch you without my permission."  He leaned down to suck on the head of Xander's cock.  Xander moaned and whimpered, arching into it and his hand.  "If it's tonight, you're not going to be doing much tomorrow beyond asking for a plug, Xander."

"It won't be tonight."

"That's fine."  He kept it there.  Xander was liking it and he was adoring his fingers being sucked at.  He shifted position and hands, letting that one have it since it could do his prostate better.  Xander let out a happy shriek of pleasure.  "Is this place soundproof?"

"No neighbors," he panted.  "Damn it!"

"That's right, damn him to hell for being such a sexy bastard," Clay agreed.  He slicked himself up and slid in hard and fast, making Roque stiffen and try to hit him.  He rode him quickly, finding that spot easily enough.  "He looks pretty on your fingers. Roque."  He heard the moan and winked at the kid.  "You're a big boy, Xander."

"Yes I am."  He shifted around.  Roque pressed his cock into Xander's mouth and sucked him while making him ride his fingers.   Clay was draped over his back giving him the fucking of a lifetime and then reached down to tease Xander's hole too.  "No," Xander ordered.

Clay bit Roque on the neck.  "Is he still tight?"

"Very tight," he panted.  "Xander!  Damn it!"  Xander was going to make him come and come hard.  He started riding him faster and harder, but his boy didn't mind.  Clay didn't mind either.   Clay shot off.  "No stamina," he taunted.  Xander played with his ass and he came.   "I taught you to swallow," Roque said, making sure he did.  Xander even cleaned up the messy remains.  Roque got him to come too and it was better.  Xander was limp, sweaty, panting hard.  They shared a kiss and Roque looked at Clay, who was staring in the toybox.  "You're buying your own."

"I'll replace his."  He found a nice sized one and held it up.  "Do you take this, kid?"

"It was a gag gift from another dancer."

"That would gag a man."  He smirked at him.  "Do you think you could?"  Xander nodded.  "Did you try it?"

"On stage for Porn Night."

Roque looked then at him.  "Not much bigger than I am."  Xander smirked at him.   "Give me some recovery time, Xander, and I'll prove it so you can compare."

Clay looked and found something else, bringing it over.  "Here," he said, nudging Roque with it.

He saw the plug and smirked, sliding it into Xander's body, making him wiggle and shift against it.  "It'll keep you open for later."

"I like the foreplay."

"It'll help you ease down to more tight," Roque said smugly.  Xander sighed and let it go.  Roque got one too.  "I'm going to kill you, Clay.

"No you won't.  It's good for you."  He smirked at the kid, taking his own kiss.

"I'm not the team game."

"No, you're not."  He smirked.

"Would you try that with Pooch and Jolene?" he demanded.

"Jolene was really fun and it was her idea that I fuck Pooch to hell and back for worrying her.  He came so hard I thought he was having a stroke," Clay told him smugly.  "Her too.  Her boy was not up on oral sex techniques."

"I miss oral sex with women," Xander admitted.  Roque swatted him lightly, getting hit back for it.  "I do."

"That can be fun," Roque agreed.  He let his boy cuddle, smirking at Clay, who slid in behind Xander.  Xander looked at him.  "Let him sleep it off."

"As long as he's not the one poking me in the morning."

"Sometimes you gotta live a little, kid.  Try some kinky shit now and then."

Xander looked at him.  "He nearly had his hand in my ass earlier.  Isn't that kinky?"

"It was beautiful," Clay assured him.  "If he could do it and let you stay so tight, it'd be the best thing ever."

"He's still really tight," Roque said smugly.  "It didn't stretch him much past what I do."

Xander nodded.  "Just a bit."  He yawned.  "I need recovery time."  Roque nodded.  Xander fell asleep.

Roque looked at Clay.  "I don't share."

"I know you don't share.  You don't play well with others either."  He smirked.  "You're still a great ride."  He stroked over Xander's back.  "He's nicely built, very warm, very flexible.  He's got a sweet looking ass too."  He looked at it.  "I can see the bite mark that got him called off."  He ran his thumb over it, making Xander hum.  "He's very sensual.  Like what a female Cougar would be."  Roque growled.   "I'm not poaching."

"You're trying."

"Not really."  He smirked.  "You're still my favorite volatile bitch."  Roque slapped him on the head.  "See?"  He snuggled into Xander's back.  "Very warm and nice to nap with."

Roque shoved him out of the bed.  "Not yours."  He let himself rest with his boy.  Clay was snickering and clearly slightly drunk.  But he knew Clay would never poach his good thing without permission.  He had been asking for permission all night.  He felt Clay climb back in and flipped them so Xander was on top of him.  Which made Xander purr in his sleep.  Clay liked that and cuddled up.  He even got the wet spot on the bed.

***

Cougar tapped on the bedroom door but there wasn't any answer.  He looked at Jensen and shook his head.  "That's fine.  I made enough that can be warmed up later."  He got them both breakfast and settled in.  It had gotten loud and he had heard Roque complaining that Clay had snuck in a few times while drunk.  "Is that... normal?"  Cougar shook his head.  "I meant on Clay's part."  Cougar shook his head again.  "You sure?  Because I wouldn't want to touch Roque's boyfriend.  Even with permission."

"No."  He heard two yelps and then Clay rushed out and so did Roque.  "See?"  He ate more.

"I made eggs," Jensen called.

Xander walked out and kissed him.  "I need a nice guy like you instead of mine."  He got himself breakfast and went to his room.  "I'm soaking in the tub."  He slammed and locked the door.

Jensen looked at Roque.  "Special birthday present go bad?  I can show you where the local stores are so you can get him something nice as an apology."  Roque shot him a dirty look so he stuffed his mouth and ducked his head.

Cougar looked then at Roque, nodding.  He saw him clench his naked ass and moan, going to take that plug out in private.  Cougar officially had reached his point of he didn't want to know.  Though if those two had their things then maybe he'd talk the Hacker into being stress relief while in the field?  It might work.  He had a nice looking mouth.

An hour or so later, Clay went to talk to the kid.  "I'm sorry I got so drunk."

Xander looked up from his reading.  "I am not a toy."

"I know you're not.  Roque wants to kill me this morning."

"Well, you did sneak in and invade his ass."

Clay smirked.  "He has a nice ass.  You should try it sometime."

"He'd freak out."

"Probably, yeah."  He smirked.  "Really though, you're not badly built and you do need to loosen up sometimes."

"I deal with drunks all the time at work," Xander said dryly.  "I see plenty of them every night who want to try to possess me."

"Good point."

"You're still replacing those toys."  He went back to his book, ignoring the staring going on.  "Not yours."

"No, he's not," Roque said from the doorway.  "Though I should make him pay for last night."

"You're still replacing those toys," Xander reminded him.

"Uh-huh.  Be a girl and order them on my card, Xander."

Xander looked at him.  "Do I really look like a girl to you?"  Roque smirked.  "Keep it up, watch me take up with one of the people that want me instead.  I'm not a bitch, I'm not a girl.  I may occasionally play lap candy but I'm really not."

"I know."  He looked at Clay.  "Why are you kneeling next to his tub?  Were you going to offer to scrub his back?"

Xander looked at Roque.  "Go change the sheets or fuck him on them and then change the sheets."  Roque snickered.  Clay shook his head but Roque pulled him around to 'help with a little problem coming up'.  Xander rolled his eyes and went back to his book.

"Looks like he's not interested," Clay taunted.

"My ass is sore.  It's your turn to be the wife," Xander quipped back.  Clay growled but Roque smirked and shoved his dick in Clay's mouth.  He got a dirty look for it but his boss and friend played along well.  Xander wasn't watching but he was still hard.  It was nice. He could fix Clay's dirty mind once and for all and make his boy happy on his birthday. "How old are you anyway, Xander?" he asked as he plowed the talented mouth.

"Twenty."

"Still a babe," Roque taunted.

Xander blew a kiss.  "Yes I am."  He looked.  "You're going to choke him."  Roque looked and let him up a tiny bit.  Then he got happy with his mouth again.  "Don't forget to change the sheets.  They're sticky."

"I'll do that in a while."  He hauled Clay up and spun him around, bending him over the sink's edge.  "I should do you right here for last night."

"Remember that poked spot he had," Xander quipped.

Roque looked then bent Clay over the tub instead.  "Suck my main bitch's cock.  You wanted it last night."  Xander moaned but it was good.  And so was Clay's ass when he got into it.   Clay moaned at that but his mouth was full.  Xander tossed the book out of the way of harm and let him do whatever he wanted for now.  Though someone still owed him a birthday present if they were actually celebrating it.

***

Roque looked at his boy, staring at him.  "Can you try to stay out trouble while I'm in God's Asshole of the universe?"

"I always try."

"Uh-huh.  I've heard."  Xander smirked.  "I also noticed the new scars.  Try harder."  He stared at him.

"It's nearly spring."

"I know, that's why I'm ordering you to try harder."

"Not in that sort of service either."  He smirked.  "I always try.  Try not to get shot?"

"Yeah, getting shot fucking sucks."  He took a kiss.  "Watch out for the suicidal mother fuckers who think they deserve you.  I scared off another one last night."  He left.

Xander waved.  "Have a good trip, boys."  He watched them go, going upstairs to see if he could cover the hickey he had smacked Roque for doing.  He needed to get back to work and make the rent this month.  He liked having savings and wasn't going to dip into it if possible.  Let it make baby money for him for now.

***

Xander heard the problem and the begging, running to get something off someone he hated.  But hey, easily killed.  Even if he was a human he was a shithead.  He grabbed it to put into a bag and hurried out.  He got there in time.  "Get down, Doyle!"  He opened the bag.  "Angel, grab him.  Now.  Get him to hazmat or something."

"What?  Harris?"

"Now!"  Angel grabbed him when he saw the weapons tube.  Xander used the mini rocket system to blow up the bomb.  Which spewed less material.  Then he pulled out another one to handle the demons.  "I was having a nice day.  Why did you have to do this today?" he demanded as he shot them.

"Knight!" one shouted.  He tried to fire back so Xander had to give Cordelia a shove since she was stunned.

"No, really?"  He killed him and moved on.  Within minutes LAPD was there.  Xander held up his gun, and a hand.  Shooting one of the demons running toward him shooting.  "I was told earlier these guys had a bomb," he said with a point.  "Who were going to kill my ex girlfriend.  Get a radiation sensor?"  He put down the guns.  "Please."

"Why are you here, sir?" one demanded.

Xander pointed at the debris.  "Only I get to endanger my ex's life," he said dryly.

"What the hell are they wearing?" one demanded.

Xander looked at him.  "It's not a costume.  Can we please get a radiation sensor since I had to blow up the bomb?"  They called for SWAT to bring one.  For that reason they kept him there.  Xander looked around.  "If you see a really pale guy, a fashionable brunette, or a guy who's probably sick because he was trying to disarm it, they were hostages.  Which is why someone told me."

"Sir, the LAPD can handle these matters," one said firmly.

Xander pointed at the dead bodies.  "Really?  Because I had to use blessed silver."  They stared at him oddly.  He nodded.  "I'm from Sunnydale."

"I've heard of that town," one called.  "They get strange .... damn it!"  He looked at the kid.

"Hey, I'm glad there was an arms dealer who was trying to kidnap my ass earlier this week so I could get these off him."

"Is he alive?" one officer asked.

"No comment?" he said with a wince and a head shake.  "But there's a bounty on his head."

"We don't much like vigilantes," that one said dryly.

"I don't much like having to be one."  He shrugged.  "It happens.  Sometimes you gotta do the job that no one else will."

"True.  Barely."  SWAT came in and their meter was already off the chart.  "Bad?"

"Fairly so but dissipating."  He looked at the debris.  "What did that look like?"

"Like an old time water mine with the spines," Xander said.  "One of the real team in town was trying to disarm it but it would've killed him.  This close to the water it'd dissipate within hours to a safe level."

"It would," the SWAT guy said.  "How would you know?"

Xander grinned slightly.  "The person who told me that they were hostages and trying to fix it."

"I see."  He looked at the demons then at him.  "Aren't you a stripper?"

"Usually.  I'm also from Sunnydale."

"Their vigilante team?" he guessed.  Xander nodded.  "They hated you guys."

"Feeling was mutual with the way they kept trying to pawn off their dirty laundry on us."

"Huh.  The blonde?"

"Cambodia I think."

"Huh."  He looked then at the guys.  "Cut him loose."  They stared, mouths slightly open.  "That was nuclear, guys.  Those aren't humans and our bosses forbid us from dealing with them at a hostage situation last week."

"Those guys were like neo-nazis," Xander said.  "Anything not pure and oldline."

The SWAT guy nodded.  "We heard.  The hostages?"

"Doyle was trying to disarm it.  I told Angel to get him help."

"I can make sure of that."  He stared at him.  "Shoo."

"Do I need to find a good ER?"

He tested him.  "No.  You didn't suck any up.  How did you get the weapons?"

"Remember the guy on Monday that you guys had to save me from?"  He nodded.  "Him.  I played bounty hunter and disarmed his safe, but I did leave a shitload in there and the cameras on after I left."

"He was a huge arms dealer, kid."

"Yeah, I seem to draw guys like that for some reason."  He shrugged slightly.  "I can really go?"

"Stay a stripper.  I don't want to see you ever again."

"Only if they kidnap me for wanting my pretty ass.  Thanks, guys."  He got his car keys out of the bag and jogged off.

The SWAT guy held up a hand.  "The mayor said if anything like this happened this spring, whoever dealt with it got a pass."  He called the Chief's office.  "It happened.  The spring thing.  It happened.   Nuclear device got blown up.  Demons killed.  Yes, sir."  He hung up.  "They'll be here soon to burn them all.  Scatter, guys.  Thank you for your help."

"That arms dealer?"

"On Henry.  In that pretty gray and white building."  They nodded, going to check on that.  He waited until the higher ups got there.  "That Angel guy got his ass saved by a stripper from Sunnydale."

"Nighthawk?" the Mayor asked.  "He's a very engaging stripper."

The head of the SWAT team nodded.  "Yup.  He blew up the nuclear bomb."

"Will it matter?"

"No.  It's already reading down toward safe levels.  No contamination."  They smiled.  He pointed.  "He made a mess though."

"He has a free pass for this incident," the Chief of Police said.  "Did you warn him?"  He nodded.  "What did he say?"

"He'd see us the next time someone tried to kidnap his pretty ass," he said dryly.  "And he killed the arms dealer to get what he needed."

"The one from the club standoff?" the Commissioner asked.  He nodded.  "Good.  There was an international bounty on him."  He walked off.  "Never again."

"We'd all like that, sir."  He got the right people in to clean things up.  He knew demons who'd love the fresh bodies.  His mother's clan had a lot of them.

***

Angel stomped into the club, watching Xander dance.  He stared, growling at him.  When he came off, he stalked him.  The bouncers stopped him.  "I need to talk to Xander."

"You can wait until he gets dressed, sir.  No one in the back but employees."

Xander came out a minute later dressed.  "It's cool, guys.  I knew him from high school."  He stared at him.  "What?  Not like I'm traveling with her.  I probably should.  The last I heard she was having real problems in Cambodia."

Angel stared.  "You have no idea...."

"Shut up, Angel.  I have a better idea than you did.  If there had been more time, I could've disarmed that."  Angel gaped.  Xander stared.  "Is Doyle all right?"

"He'll be fine," he said dryly.  "How long have you been in town?"

"I haven't left yet and I've been holding patrols on this side of town the whole time."  He walked off.  "I'm going out for some air, Peter."

"Sure, kid."  He watched the huffy, really pale guy follow.  He knew the kid wasn't going to screw him.  The kid had been talking down to him like he did the idiots who wanted him.

Xander made it to the alley and leaned against some crates.  "Cordy fine too?"

"How...."

Xander stared at him.  "Did you think that those new ones rising mystically got dusted?  I mean, seriously.  The whole circuit knew I was here.  If they didn't tell you there was probably a good reason."

"You're normal."

"Everyone's normal.  Some just get some training.  Like on the job training, memories downloaded into their heads...."  He stared.  "Beyond that, I've been letting you do your little thing atoning.  Cordy's happy enough so I haven't gotten in touch with her.  Doyle seems like a nice guy and he knew I was here.  We played a hand of poker the other day."

Angel growled.  "You can't...."  He vamped out.  "You smell different."

"No, I don't.  I don't have the taint of Sunnydale's hellmouth smarming me to keep down my natural scent."  He stood up, walking closer.  "I'm a lot better than you ever gave me credit for.  Or Buffy.  Or Willow."  He stared.  "Secondly, I got asked to save your bony, undead ass by seers.  Who knew Doyle would die."  Angel backed down.  "You might thank them.  Apparently they think you'll be a bigger prick without him.  Now, anything else?  Because I'm not really in a good mood now like I was earlier."

"Stripping?" he sneered.  "How much do you charge, Xander?"

"I don't.  Never have."  He shrugged.  "I'm not that sort of boy."

"You're not pure."

"No, I've had a few real lovers, none of them related to the club at all.  All commandos."  Angel gaped.  "None of the weaklings that were in Sunnydale but yeah."  He shrugged.  "What did you expect to happen?  Me to cry on you.  Me to sob that of course you're the big hero?  Please!  I've stopped international drug dealers and arms dealers.  You do your little thing and if something huge ass happens, then you can have someone ask me to help if you need it.  Otherwise, get over yourself."  Angel attacked him and Xander threw him into the crates.  He stared at the shards poking him.  "You knew better.  I told you before.  Some day you'll die and I'll be there."  He stared at him.  "That hasn't changed, even with a peace treaty."  He walked off.  "I hope Doyle gets better.  He seems like a nice guy."  He went back inside.

Angel groaned as he pulled himself out of the broken shards of crates.  He plucked most of the wood out of his body, silently thanking the Powers that none had hit his chest area.  He was still growling and scowling.  He stomped off, going back to his place.  Doyle had been released and was on the couch.  Cordelia was fussing over him.  "You knew he was in town," he told Doyle.

Doyle nodded.  "He handled half the stuff you haven't," he said bluntly.  "Or couldn't."

"Of course he did.  Xander's like that," Cordelia said dryly.  "Is he still stripping?"  Angel glared at her.  "I'll take that as a yes and you're nasty enough to see his appeal," she said dryly. She looked at Doyle.  "You sure you're fine?"

"They said so."

She walked off.  "Fine.  Let me check on things."  He smiled at her.  She stared back.  "I'm still mad that you did the Xanderish thing."   She left them to growl at each other.  Doyle wasn't in a pleasant mood.

Doyle stared at Angel.  "It's not just your duty, it never has been.  Besides, the city's too large for just us."

Angel glared harder.  "He's a normal human."

"So is she."

Angel gaped.  "What?"

"So is Cordelia."  He shifted on the couch.  "Are you going to say she can't help?  I actually got a vision of his past from the Powers after I met him and started to wonder.   They always wanted his help for things and then put him down because he's normal.  Which is why he never told anyone and he's done more dangerous things than you have," he said with a glare of his own.  "Without support like you get."  Angel backed off.  "The Powers don't seem to mind him."  He firmly closed his eyes.  "I'm to rest."

"Are you gambling?"

"The kitten poker circuit has a firm 'no IOU' system in place."

"Whatever."  He stomped off again.

Doyle shook his head.  "He acts like a teenage girl half the time."

"I do not," Angel called.

"Yes you do.  You're the princess Cordelia always wanted to be."  Angel let out a bitter snort and went to brood on the roof.  "Idiot vampire," Doyle muttered.  "Can't even admit that same draw was what caught him and Dru."  He made himself sleep.  He was exhausted and sick, which he hated being.  He was going to be a prick for days on end.

***

Xander looked up from stretching and stared at the person back there.  "Um, you're not supposed to be back here, sir."  He hit the panic button because he did not know that guy and something about him scared him.  "What are you doing in a restricted area?"

"I don't think they're going to mind too much."  He pointed his gun at him.  "Let's go, sir."

Xander stared at him.  Weighing his options.  Smartass vs handling it.  The gun was clearly loaded.  The bouncers should've been here by now.  Xander grabbed his bag and hit the button Jensen had given him.  It had a tracker built in, he knew that, and a microphone.  "Why?"  He needed to stall.

"Because I want you and no one is going to tell me no."

"If you hurt anyone else...."  The man laughed.  Xander stared.  "I'll fucking kill you myself."

"LAPD!" someone shouted.  The most nice sound at the moment.

"Back here and he has a gun!" Xander called.  The man walked back.  "I don't know him."

"Sir, have you been out front?"

"No, and if he hurt my coworkers I'm going to kill him."

"Sir, sit."  Xander sat on the table.  Well in range of a few weapons.  Not that either of them knew that.

"I did take your gun."  The man smirked at him.  "I planned this very well, boy."

Xander pulled out his from his bag.  "Really?"  The man stared.  "I'm not the light little boy most people think.  Not like I haven't fought for years.  Officer, what sort of mess was there?"

"Gassed, sir, and I've already called an ambulance.  Please don't."

"I'm not unless he does."  The officer called in backup.  "I'm not the nicest hostage.  Sorry."

"No, it's usually good when the hostages fight back," the officer assured him.  Xander nodded.  The idiot was still smirking.  Xander was not in a good mood.  More got there and went toward Xander.  "Not him.  The guy was trying to take him."

"He has the bigger gun."

Xander looked at them.  "I always have a big gun.  I draw psychos, like him."  The officers got the guy cuffed.

"You won't win."

"You'd be surprised."

"You'll be mine."

"No, not even if you kidnap me and rape me.  Then I'll just kill you harder."  The guy smirked and kicked one of the officers back into the group.  Xander threw a knife at him and scored a direct hit to his neck, making him gurgle for a minute until he could pull it out.  The officers took the opportunity to get him down and cuffed better.  Xander waved.  "Have fun.  I hear they like guys like you in prison."

"I'm charging him with assault."

The officer holding him stared at him.  "You must be psychotic.  Boy only defended himself."  He looked at him.  "Sir, stay back here?"

"Is it worse than the gas explosion at my graduation?"  They nodded.  "Then he'll pay."  They walked him off.  Xander unhit the button in his bag, taking a deep breath.  He looked at the officer waiting with him.  "What's his name so I can do a background check on him?"

"Guys like him...."

"He's not the first insane idiot who wanted me."

"His ID was clearly fake since it gave William Wade and the last name was French something with marks."

Xander nodded.  "American?"

"Canadian."

"Huh.  My first from there."  He sat and scowled, then decided to finish stretching out for patrol.  Now he needed to kill something.  Maybe some demon club bouncing tonight.  He had an open invite there.

***

In Iran, Jensen shut down the feed from the emergency button, looking at Roque.  "Know him?"

"Yeah, real well.  We did a joint op mission with the asshole."  He went to tell the others.  And get a friend to go drive Wade off.  Xander couldn't kill him.  Hell, Roque himself might not be able to kill him.  "Clay, we have issues at home."

"Why?"

"Wade showed up wanting Xander."

Clay stared at him.  "You can warn him."

"He apparently took out some of the club."

"Huh."  He nodded.  "Call and tell him about him?"

"I was going to do that anyway."

"I'll tell Pooch to tell Jolene to watch out for him."  He went to do that.  Wade hated Pooch for some reason.  They weren't sure why and neither side was saying.  Roque walked off to talk to Xander about him.

***

Xander walked into the police station.  "You guys arrested the guy that gassed my dance club to get me."  The desk guy nodded.  "This was left in my apartment, probably by him."  He put the package down.  "In my weapons cabinet."

"Legal?"

Xander stared at him.  "I'm seeing an army commando."

"Never mind.  Don't need to know."  He looked at it.  Then at him.  "Thank you for the gloving, sir."

"Hey, if his fingerprints are on it...."  He waved a hand.  "I figured you guys would want to know.  He also put some almond milk in my fridge for some reason but I've already tossed that yuppie trash out."

"That's fine."  He got one of the guys who had arrested him to come get that present to open it.  "Do we think it's explosive?"

Xander looked at it.  "Looks like a rifle case."  The desk guy stared at him.  Xander smiled.  "Yeah, I do know a bit about them myself."  The officer came out, giving him an odd look.  "He left it in my weapons cabinet at home."

"Huh."  He came over to get some of his own gloves and help him open it.  "That's pretty."

"I have better."  He shrugged.  "Want me to taunt him?  By the way, he's Canadian Special Forces."

"They have an army?" the officer asked.

"Yeah and they're some pretty bad guys from what my boy tells me," Xander said dryly.  He rolled his eyes.  "He said if I called him a boyfriend again he was going to shave me bald and then put a for rent sign on me."

"Sir, you know relationships like that aren't healthy."

Xander looked at him.  "My last three girlfriends all tried to kill me."

"Oh, never mind."

Xander smirked.  "He's army."  He shrugged.  "Beyond that, I'd kill his ass if he ever tried.  I nearly did for a hickey."  He looked at the officer.  "But thanks for the worry."

"With the ones you said you draw...."

"He's more than dangerous enough, yeah."  He looked at the gun then at him.  "Since I have better, you can tell him I'd only use it end his life then it'd end up in the harbor."  He smiled and walked off.  "Oh!"  He snapped his fingers and came back.  "There's a convention of weapons dealers in town."

"How do you know?"  Xander held up the pretty thing that had been in his pocket.  "Wow."

"Yeah.  So fair warning."  He walked off.  "Want me to tell my friend in the FBI about him too?"

"Please."

"Can do."  Xander walked out.

"That is the toughest gay boy toy I have ever seen," the officer said.

The desk guy shook his head.  "He's not."  He looked at him.  "Remember the thing at the harbor this spring that got stopped and we aren't supposed to remember?"  He nodded.  "Same guy.  I was one of the responders."  The officer stared at him.  "He's a whole different sort of commando."

"Good!  It might save him."  He went to log the rifle into evidence and taunt the commando in lock up.

***

Xander walked up to Don Epps' desk, staring at him.  "Not now," Don moaned.  "There's a lot of problems and Colby's in trouble."

"Yeah, I looked stuff up first."  He held something up.  "What would the NSA paying him to pay that guy mean?"

"What?"  He took that information.  "David!"  He came over to look with Charlie and their boss.  "Boss, this is Xander Harris...."

"I heard."  He looked at him.  "You know former Agent Granger?"  Xander nodded and pointed at the paper.  He looked and went pale.  "Damn it!"

"Yeah, they tried to invade my town too," Xander said dryly.  "Only they were torturing people."  He grinned.  "I don't trust anyone NSA to not be fucked up."

"I worked with some that aren't," Charlie chided gently.

Xander looked at him.  "Really?  Are they analysts or field guys?"

"Analysts," he admitted.

"Other geeks so they probably got sucked or blackmailed in."  He looked at Don.  "Also, if you look at that guy he was supposedly getting paid by....  The money's never hit his account."

"He's on assignment," Don said.  Xander nodded.  "You're sure?"

"Yeah, my contacts all said he was."  He grinned.  "Also, to add to your daily stress and his because that could complicate his."  He held up the necklace.

"That arms dealer is back?" he demanded.

"I got news earlier that they're all back.  Oh, and I got a new one, who is psychotic beyond what normally occurs, and is former Canadian Special Forces.  LAPD has him."

One of the other agents stomped over.  "Wade's in LA?"

"Yeah, he gassed my whole club and left me a shiny rifle as a present.  Swore up and down I'd be his."  Xander shrugged.  "I got him in the throat with a knife to help the officers.  Who're you, sparky?"

The man swallowed.  "Who are you, sir?"

"Xander Harris.  Formerly of Sunnydale."  He smirked.  The guy looked him up and his eyes went wide then he gave Xander a doe eyed look.  "Hell no I'm not baiting that one for you."

"I wasn't going to ask.  The Secret Service said you're helpful."

"I was that time.  Right now I'm being helpful by telling you that they're in town."  He looked at Don.  Who shrugged.  "I've clearly got to move again."

"I thought you bought that place," Don complained.

"I did.  So if you know someone who wants a nice condo...."

"Maybe."  He shrugged.  "Find somewhere with security?"

"That's going to cost me millions of dollars.  Which I'd probably only get quickly on my back, which I'm not going to do.  I have had my eye on a place but it was outside call-in for the club.  Though that may not be a problem.  I may be banned."

"Possibly since he did gas your whole club to get you," Don agreed.  He stared at him.  "Any of those sort of things you've kept?"  Xander nodded.  "Sell them."

"If I do that, they'll probably come back."

"Tell the guys who send them that the scary commando is making you have to move and see if they'll buy you a place.  Use them like a girl would," David said dryly.  "Someone might give you one they already have.  Though if you find weapons, we want to know, kid."

Xander nodded.  "Fine."  He looked at Don Epps.  "Which means I'm going to a hotel to sulk."

"Wear a wire since we can't split focus like that?"

"I'll do it," the other agent said.

Xander stared at him.  "I don't trust you to save my ass."  The agent gaped.  "These guys, I know would stop someone if I said 'no I'm not screwing you'.  You might let them.  One of the Secret Service guys did."  He looked at Don again.  "Want me to go later since you're probably going to find him today?"  Don looked at the back of the paper and nodded, heading out with his team.  "Okay."

The regional supervisor looked at him.  "I know a few very good agents who could sit the surveillance and not let you get taken."

Xander stared at him.  "You also have two in your office from the program that got shut down and ended up sinking Sunnydale."

"We do?"  Xander nodded, pointing at them.  "How do you know?"

"They were both arrested for trying to kidnap me."

"Oh."  He glared that way.  "I can sit someone else."

Xander shrugged.  "Fine.  If they find it, it's from my boyfriend.  Who might complain at that word again but...."

"This Wade guy?" he asked.

"Bad.  Very bad," that other agent said.  "It's a very bad sign."

Xander nodded.  "I'm about to kill his ass if he comes near me again."  The agent smirked at him.  "Yes, I can.  I'm not the best, but I'm not that damn bad."  He waved a hand.  "I've kept in practice from Sunnydale things."  He walked off.  "Give me an hour to get prettier."

"Sure."  He waited until he was on the elevator to look at that other agent.  "I want his full dossier and on this Wade guy."

"I've got them both coming.  How does someone straight like Epps know him?"

"He met Granger when he got sent to investigate the gas explosion at their graduation.  I'm told that the agency overruled Granger's assessment about what caused it and that's why the last regional director died."

"Huh."  He nodded.  "Sunnydale has that rep.  Let's check the system to see if they've been emailed."  He nodded, going back to the office.

***

Xander walked up to someone, dropping the necklace on them.  "I do not need this stress right now.  I have an insane motherfucker of a commando from Canada who took down my whole club to kidnap my pretty ass."  The arms dealer gaped.  "I really do not need this stress.  I have to move.  I don't need to be wooed since the one I'd lean on to watch my back is out of town.  Just...  Not right now."  He walked off.

"Xander."  Xander looked at him.  "Which commando?"

"Wade?  Light brunette.  Insane.  Left me a sniper rifle," he said dryly.

"Hmm.  I know you like bigger things.  Why are all your weapons under FBI review?"

"Because I know Agent Granger and he said so."

"The one that got found to be dirty?" he asked.

Xander shrugged.  "I stay out of all that mess.  I went to talk to him about Wade earlier and he wasn't there.  So I'm finding a new place to live."

"Hmm.  You look stressed.  You have a pimple."

Xander felt it and popped it then took a napkin to wipe that off his fingers.  "Thank you for letting me know but I can't dance right now.  The club's closed."

"Most pretty ones like you would have sold that."

"Do I look like a girl to you?" he demanded.  "If you want me to I can."

"No, I'd rather you didn't."  He saw the looks his way.  "Sit and talk to us.  Have you seen the new rocket launcher system?  It's nicely concealed."

"Yeah, it shoots rockets that look like tiny baby pensises."  The arms dealer snickered.  "And are about as effective."  He sat down.  "I really do have to find a new place today."

"Where are you now?"

"Down by the little technical college."

"I've seen that area.  It's not bad."

"No and I have a few views that aren't other buildings and homeless guys.  The other apartments are going to apparently look really nice when they finish and worth about six times what mine was.  I bought mine before they upgraded them.  But now I have to move thanks to the insane guy."

"Yes, you probably should.  Wade is not one you screw with," he soothed, rubbing his arm.  "Don't pickpocket me this time?" he asked dryly.

"How else am I going to afford a new place?"

"Good point."  He smirked.  "Calm down.  Perhaps someone has one they can trade out for yours."  Xander pouted but nodded.  "You'll be safe here."

"I'll be safer if I use his present to snipe him."

"Well, yes, but can you really do that?"  Xander looked at him and nodded.  "You can?"

"Yeah, I've been taking range time.  That way I don't fall out of practice."

"How did you train yourself?"

He grinned.  "We had a self-defense patrol in high school."  The man moaned and nodded.  "So I learned from there."  Others came over and he stared at one.  "If Wade is still with you, I'm going to kill him if he comes near me."

"No, I fired him for taking out two of my guards for hating his shirt."

"Wade has set his sights on him," the first arms dealer said.  They all winced.  "He's not wanting to sell anything he's been given."

"Or the babies.  I'd miss my pet weapons since I can't have pets."

They all smiled and settled in to cheer him up.  A pouty lap candy boy was a sad thing to see.  And hey, the new ones didn't know to guard their wallets.  So Xander made some money too.  One even had a nice place he could switch with Xander.  A lot nicer, a little bit farther out, water views.  Big, uncovered windows only on the water side.  That would keep any surveillance off him for a while and somewhere like that one he could toss away.  Or burn.

Xander considered that and said he'd need to look at it to see if it needed a lot of work.  He'd only watched DIY shows and read the books.  They went to see it and Xander switched his for it and went home to pack.  The guys sent some minions to help.  Who reported back on the weapons he had hidden around the place that no one ever found for some reason.  Including a few bigger things.

***

Xander handed over the wallets to the head FBI guy.  "Here you go.  The ones I could get."

"That's fine, Xander.  Why do none have money?"

"The Secret Service said I could keep any money."  He grinned.

"That's not FBI rules."

"It's already went to a new couch," he told him.  "Because Epps would too."

"I would," Don agreed.  "Not like he's employed right now and we don't need to know what sort of wallet they were carrying.  Anything like buying would be done by wire transfer."

"They did wonder about where I had mine."

"I heard."  He smirked.  "Those others....  For some reason the wire went out?"

"Yeah."  Xander nodded.  "Because you guys could decide not to let me borrow for this upcoming spring thing.  Never put all your eggs in one basket."

"Good point.  What do you have at home?"

"No comment while your boss is standing here."  He looked at him.  "You won't be able to find it anyway."

"Are you selling them?"

"Hell no!  They're the only pets I have!"  He scowled.  The head guy gave him an odd look.  Don walked him off talking to him about spring things and weapons nuts.   He also promised to weed things down to humanly allowed things.  Xander shook his head and walked off.

***

Xander looked up from his fixing a t-shirt rip to see someone twinkling into the room.  "How in the hell?" he muttered.

"I think it's a problem."

"I know it's a problem, Cordy.  Though, you're not Cordelia."  He called Angel.  "It's Xander," he said in greeting.  "This floating Cordelia isn't Cordelia.  Well, gee, I've known her for years, Doyle.  We started kindergarten together and I dated her for a while."  She snickered.  "That's not Cordelia.  And it's a bad thing if it's taking over her."  He hung up and went to find one of the reference books he had, coming back.  She was in a trap.  She was complaining about that.  "Cordelia would complain about things other than her hair."  He chanted, reading it from the book.

"Latin, really?" she complained.

"Yes, Latin, really.  You'd know that if you were actually Cordy."  He went back to it.  She shrieked and faded.  Xander took the book with him to go to the hotel Angel had taken over.  He found them fussing over her.  "Is it actually her this time?"  Angel glared at him.  "Before it wasn't."

"How would you know?" Wesley asked.

Xander stared at him.  "I heard you were here.  I've known Cordelia since I was five and she used to be friends with us, Wes.  I can tell Cordelia's moods from across the room.  That wasn't Cordelia that floated in to see me."  Wesley gaped.  "There's some people I do know that well.  Willow's not one of them."  He helped her up, staring into her eyes.

"She said her name is Jasmine," Cordelia said.

Xander stared at her.  "Your voice is wrong.  You're inflecting on the wrong syllables.   Your cadence is off too."  She gaped.  "So, Jasmine, let's talk."

"Puny hellmouth knight," she sneered.  Xander did the exorcism again and she shrieked.  Angel got out of the way.  "You won't win.  This is my body now."

He stared at her.  "No it's not.  And if I have to destroy it to get you out of it, she'll thank me."  He found another one and did it instead.  This one he mostly knew by heart.

"Wrong word!" Wesley said quickly.

Xander looked and showed it to him.  "No it's not.  The next one was."  He went back to it and she laughed, then started to smoke.  She looked at herself, wailing and screaming as the smoke traveled up her.  She finally screamed and went up.  Then a brighter light hit and came down.  Xander stared at her.

"Dork.  Latin?  Really?"

"Yeah, Latin, really," he said with a smirk.  "Have a happy being me for a bit?"

"No.  She had bad ideas."  She stared at Angel.  "That sort of exorcism probably wouldn't hurt your soul."  She stared at Xander again.  "You're in such trouble."

"From the idiot who wants me or otherwise?"

"You have weapons and they know."

"They have known.  Epps knew damn well I didn't hand over everything."

"Uh-huh.  They're at your place."

"I'm not."  Xander called.  "If you're at my place, I'm not."  He hung up.  He stared at her.  She stared back.  "And?  Any other words of wisdom?"

"Yeah.  Things are going to go to hell sometime next year for your boy.  He'll go to the psycho one to get free."

"I'd kill his ass."

"Kill the psycho first?"

"Gladly."  He walked off.  "Have fun."

"Thanks, really."  She waved.  She looked at Wes.  "We had to resort to that one to get one of his out."

"Still didn't work," Xander said before leaving.

"Figures."

"That's the guy the poker circle was talking about?" Gunn asked Doyle.

"Yes.  That's Xander.  He's mostly a nice boy."  He smiled at her.  "Good to have at your back."

"Not your fault they treated you like Xander and didn't listen."  She glared at Angel.  Who walked off scowling.  "I know, you hate it when Xander has to show up," she quipped.  "He's got to rob you of your manliness points since he's so tough."

"No he's not," Angel called.

"Bet me," Doyle said.  They pulled Cordelia to the kitchen to test her with holy water and fuss at her.  They were guys, they did that.

***

Xander walked up behind the agent at his door.  "Hi."  He smirked and held up the warrant.  "Did you actually find anything?"  He grinned.  The agent growled.  Xander walked inside.

"I could've sworn we said you had to turn it all over," Epps said dryly.

Xander looked at him.  "Outside of my closet of stuff I was putting up earlier, what do you think you'll find?  I did mark one as being the guy's stuff."

"We saw and it was very nice he gave it to you."  He smirked.  "The rest?"

Xander shrugged.  "What rest?"

"Kid."

Xander stared at him.  "You broke the deal."  Don growled.  "Because when I needed something I couldn't get it."

"I heard about this spring."

"Hmm.  And it was locked against me."

"That was the higher ups."

"I don't care."

"Fine.  Whatever.  You still can't have artillery."

"Did you find any of mine?"

"Nothing beyond guns."

"Which are all registered."

"All but one."

"Yeah, I found that on the couch earlier."  He shrugged.  "I have the form e-filed."

Don walked off shaking his head.  "You're dangerous."

"Only if you fuck with me."  He grinned.  Epps glared.  Xander stared back.  "Hey, you guys deal with it.  I could use a vacation this spring."

"Is there going to be another one?" he demanded.

"There's always another one.  Especially with Wolfram and Hart still around."  Don glared.  "They're the bad things' lawyers and why does a law firm need a bio lab?"  Don gave him an odd look.  Xander nodded.  "It's on the second sub-basement floor."  He found that file on his computer and handed it over with a grin.  "That's also the names from their payroll, including two agents in here."  He grinned.

Don got to that part and had them arrested.  Then he looked at the other stuff.  "That is a biohazard lab."

Xander nodded.  "Yeah, it is."  He smirked.  "Now, get out of my house."

"You still can't have artillery."

"And you still broke the deal we had.  The lives of the people in LA and the world are more important than some piddling little laws made by people who paid part of themselves for power.  I don't care what any demon cocksucker said about anything, Epps.  At all.  By the way, you guys will have an 'ignore me' spell going for me soon."  He grinned.  "All but your team."  It went off and the agents wandered out.  "Have fun."  Don copied the files.  "I have it on DVD."

"Anything extra?"

"Don't know."  He shrugged and handed it over.  They left.  Don went to complain to his teammates but they agreed, sometimes the law had to ignore someone doing the same job that they couldn't.  Because the FBI could not deal with demons.  Though Wolfram and Hart clearly had issues that they needed to look in.  The higher ups hated that and shut it down on them within hours.   Don checked that list of names and sent things to the head of the FBI and a complaint that it had been shut down.

The next morning they came in to the head of the FBI, who was scarily pissed that it had been shut down and what they had on them was bothersome.  Though Xander was given permission to hoard anything he felt was reasonable as long as it was kept from normal people.  That wasn't given an explanation just a letter to give to him.

*** (sent to mytryk to here)

Xander took aim and sighed, calling.  It was nearly spring and it wasn't even the usual spring problems.  That was in a few weeks.  "I'm going to solve a problem for LA.  Because the seers said this guy is going to detonate a sonic nuclear device in about six months and we can't allow that.  Airport.  So incoming screaming TSA people."  He hung up and shot the plane's fuel tank with an explosive round.  It went up and the guy still inside died.  Wade was looking around, trying to spot him so he shot him too.

"I told you to leave me alone, fucker."  He cleaned up and headed off, calling Jensen.  "There are three seers here in LA that say whatever op you're on in Bolivia is a trap that will get you declared dead," he said in greeting.  "This is Xander.  Then put Clay on, Jensen."  He did that.  "It's a trap.  Three seers, one of them Angel's."  He listened.  "The guy that ordered it just died when his plane went up."  The fussing going on was loud.

"No, it's a trap.  It's meant to kill you.  Because if you do get KIA this time, and you won't be literally, Roque's going to turn on you.  Oh, and tell him I shot Wade but it wasn't fatal.  Unfortunately."  He hung up and faded into the shadows to get away from the sirens.  This was not a good day yet it was a pretty decent one.  He dropped a tape on someone's hood, giving him a pointed look.  That agent was a half-demon and knew him.  He got a nod back.  "Even Doyle saw it," he said quietly.  He left with only him having seen him.

***

Clay hung up and looked at them.  "It's a trap.  Someone's setting us up to die."

Jensen was looking at the source of the intel.  "Who is Max?"  He got into a file that was sealed.  "Huh.  Yeah, it's a trap."  He let them see it.  They all growled.  "So do we do him anyway and then fade back home?"

"Yes.  He's still a drug dealer," Clay said.  "We'll change the op though.  No flight support."  They nodded and set up a smoke screen to give them the cover they needed.  A small fire.  It was easy enough for them.  The pilot wouldn't know any different when they called in the no go orders.  Clay pulled Roque aside.  "Xander also said that you'd be betraying us."

Roque stared at him.  "I don't know why."

"You'd better not."  He stared at him.  Roque shook his head.  "Good."  They went to do their job.

Roque thought about that, and later that night sent a message to Xander, who apparently sent it to Doyle.  Because it was Doyle who answered.  He stared at the details and nodded.  "Damn it."

Clay looked over and snatched the phone to read that.  He looked at Roque again.  "It would've been temporary and using her."

"So?"  He took it back.  "I...."

"We'll work that out," Clay said firmly.  "When we go on leave in LA."

"Reports out of LA say that a sniper took out a private plane carrying a big name weapons dealer," Jensen said from behind his screen.  "And injured Wade.  It was a chest shot but a few inches too high, hit his lung."  Cougar grimaced.  "Xander said he didn't account for enough wind resistance."

"Excuse me?" Roque demanded.  "Xander?  Our Xander?"  Jensen nodded, letting him see that report.  "Find out why."

"According to a tape one FBI agent logged in," he said, getting into that system to find it again.  "And this is higher up eyes-only.  The guy on the plane, who was Max, was going to set off a nuclear device in LA in a few months."  Clay stared at him.  "And frame us."  He let them hear that report.

"That's Doyle's voice," Roque said.

When it was done, Jensen got into another file.  "He apparently had enough weapons in the plane that when the tank went up, it all went up and it dented the tarmac but it was away from anything but an empty garage.  They think explosives rounds were used on both of them.  But Wade was wearing body armor."

"Should've done a head shot," Cougar said bluntly.

"Probably," Roque agreed.  He took it to look over, grimacing.  "When did he learn how to do that?"

"I'm guessing here, but since his range qualifications listed with his firing range list him as a short range sniper that makes qualification level shots...." Jensen said dryly, taking his laptop back.

"It does?" Pooch asked.  Jensen nodded, letting them see that file.  "Damn, he is.  Short range, not long range.  He's one tough damn stripper."

"He's been bouncing recently because the of the way Wade gassed the club," Jensen said.  "He was complaining about that the other day.  Of course part of that was that he's making less money now and has to deal with higher level idiots who use the underground bar."  Clay moaned.  "Yup."  They unsetup camp and left.  It was a long drive back to the US.  They had already told their check-in person that they were compromised and had handled the mission another way, plus that they knew someone was trying to trap them.  The higher up had hung up on Clay so Clay had called in someone who they had worked for in the past, who agreed and said it was safe, all the plots were being exposed.

So they were on their way home.

***

Xander looked up from his stretching for a jog when he heard, "For a stripper, you're one tough guy."  Xander grinned at the voice's user.  Clay moved closer.  "That was stupid and way too open."

"The other dealers rewarded me nicely."  He grinned.  "I'm out for my daily run."

"You need to lift weights.  You don't have the muscle mass that most bouncers do."

"I don't take steroids either."  He stretched his other side.  "Joining me?"

"Keeping Roque from growling at you."

"That happens."  He finished his stretching.  "I'm doing three miles."

"Only three?" Clay snorted.

"Extra resistance running on sand."

"Good point."  He ran with him to make sure he wasn't bothered.  And so he could chew on the kid some more for being so open about things.

When they got back, Xander showed him the new place, which was a lot nicer.  Roque and the others found them once Clay told them where it was.  "Why did you move?" Jensen asked.

"Because Wade broke in and left me a rifle."  He smirked.  "I traded with one of the arms dealers.  He used it to take out six rivals and burned the building."

"This is a lot nicer and safer," Pooch said, looking around.  "The only good vantage points would be from the water.  Bigger kitchen."  He opened the pantry.  "Nicer gun cabinet too."  He closed it.

Xander tossed him a bug finder.  "Please?"

"We have better," Jensen said, getting theirs out.  "Why are we paranoid?"

"The FBI went back on that deal you guys set up."

"Shit," Clay muttered.

"Right before I had to find something to blow up the nuclear bomb."  He smirked.  "So, no, not trusting them.  And the last time they were here it was because of Wolfram and Hart.  Speaking of, Cougar, light that candle beside you please?"  He did and someone somewhere shrieked.  "Anti-scrying."  He grinned and walked into the kitchen.  "Am I mangling dinner since Roque said I can't cook?"

"If you want," Clay agreed.  Jensen came back with two.  Clay looked at them.  "Both private issue.  You can find them at spy shops."

"There's a spot of magnetic interference," he said quietly.  Clay went to look with him.  They found it and made sure it wasn't harmful.  Roque was too tense to deal with it if it was a bomb.  It was a jammer of some sort.  "Xander?"

"That was original to the house."

"Okay."  They searched the other areas, finding the artillery pantry too.  That... was a bit scary but Jensen just nodded and walked off.  "Hey, they're not under the couch anymore."

"What?" Clay complained, following him.

"They used to be under the couch."

Xander took the bug jammer to look in the bedrooms.  He found another few and two in his.  He handed them over and the finder back too.  "Three are FBI issue," Clay said, stamping on them.  They froze the others.  They could retune them and use them for their own jobs.

Roque looked around and came back.  "Nice view."  Xander grinned.  "Did you ask?"

"I pouted.  They offered to switch with me.  Even they didn't like Wade."  Roque nodded he agreed, moving closer, running a hand around Xander's side.  "Ow!"  He flinched away.  "Sorry, new stitches."

"I thought you'd be working a safer job," Roque said dryly.

"I would have if we hadn't had gang kids in last night trying to prove they were badass."  He got away from the groping hands.  "Let me finish dinner?"

"Hell no.  Pooch, come cook."  He walked him to the bathroom, Clay following.  Xander's side was stitched.  A lot.  "Tell me it was some over-eager young resident," he demanded.

Xander looked then at him.  "I would've used less.  Or staples."

"I probably would've used more per inch," he said, staring at them.  "Any idea how Wade heard about you?"

"Yes, but if I kill his stupid brooding ass, the Powers will punish me," Xander quipped.  Roque stared at him.  "He also told them I like weapons."

"Hmm.  What do you think would happen if I killed his stupid ass?"

"They might make you the new protector of LA?"  He shrugged and winced.  "It's time for aleeve."

"I didn't notice that at all when you stretched or when we ran," Clay said.  He looked at them.  "Last night?"

"Night before.  I was off last night."

"Huh.  They're clean and in good shape."

"I know how to take care of stitches, guys.  Really."  They both scowled and he sighed.  "You're treating me like lap candy again."

"You are," Roque assured him with a smirk and a kiss.  "C'mon, learn how to cook better from Pooch and Jensen."  Xander huffed but went to the kitchen.  "He's mine," Roque told Clay.

"Sure, I can back you up, but we're still going to talk."  Roque walked past him, going to look at the large walk-in closet.  Plenty of room for weapons and a nice non-locking case for his knives.  That was sweet of his boy.  He even had some clothes in his size in the closet.  "You went shopping for me?" he called.

"No.  It got sent from Jolene.  She said you left it there and she wasn't your wife."  Pooch cackled.

Roque walked out.  "They still have the tags on them."  Xander shrugged, looking clueless.  "Seriously?"

"It might be the clothing fairy.  She's shown up once or twice with shirts for me."  He shrugged again and got back to chopping things for Pooch.

"Was it your ex the clothing fairy or some other one?" Jensen joked.

"No, I think it was some other one.  Cordy would wake me up if she walked into my bedroom and put stuff in my closet.  Since I woke up and they were in there nicely hung up I'm guessing it might be a literal present fairy."

"Is there an ammo fairy?" Clay asked.

Xander looked at him.  "Want me to summon one to ask?"

"No thanks."  He got something to nibble on and went to check out the cable.  "You don't pay for cable?"

"No, I don't.  Not on that tv.  I do on the big one downstairs."  Clay went to look and sent up a 'football game jesus' prayer.  Xander grinned.  "He left it because it's four years old."

Roque went to look, staring at the large screen projection tv.  "Damn."

Clay nodded.  "With nice, comfy seats."

"If we're in the states for the Super Bowl, we're coming here."  He checked out the rest of the downstairs and then went back up there.  "Who gave you the motorcycle?"

"Won it in a raffle on the beach."  He pointed.  "Some tattoo shop was holding a raffle."

Roque stared at him.  "They gave away a soft tail?"

"Yeah.  Papers on it are in the drawer beside your nuts."  Roque found them and read it over.  "Now, the car was from the present fairy but I think I know which one put it down there.  I'm pretty sure it was a thank you present too."

Roque looked at him.  "Why do you think that?"

"The email I got said it was one."

Roque walked off shaking his head.

"Did they pay insurance?  That's got to be really high," Jensen asked.

"Actually, not that much.  It's still a sedan, just a really nice one.  And new.  The insurance for the motorcycle, if I ever drove it, would be outrageous."

"It's your age," Pooch told him.

"I know."  He handed over the onions.  "All yours."  He washed his hands and the knife.  He called his boss.  "What's my schedule like for the next week?  Because I have some friends who're just in on leave.  Army.  No, not grunts.  Because I can't tell you that."

Jensen took the phone.  "We're Special Forces."  He handed it back.  "That solves that."  He grinned and got back to helping cook.

Pooch shook his head.  "I would've figured you for a showier job than bouncer, Xander."

"Yeah but I can't be a model.  I'm not vain.  And I can't be a boy toy because I'd have to comment."  His boss cackled at that.  "I would.  Anyway... I know I have tonight off?"  He winced.  "Yes I do.  I usually have tonight off.  No, I didn't get any such call.  I was off on my evening run and the answering machines isn't blinking.  Maybe you called Michael because you get us mixed up."  He rolled his eyes.  "No, this is Xander.  The other young one.  Yeah, the one that got stitches...."  He huffed.  "Really?  Cool.  Thanks, boss."  He hung up.  "The ER said I couldn't work for a week."  He grinned.

"How did you get stabbed?" Pooch demanded impatiently.

"Some young gang kids wanted to prove they were badass and tried to rob the bartender.  I was the only guy not on break and the LAPD said I did a very nice job making them fucking sorry."  He walked off.

"According to the news there were five gang members with knives, one with a gun, and he took them out with their knives and a barstool," Jensen told him.

Pooch looked over at Xander, who could only grin.  "Uh-huh.  Are you infected with some of Roque's people skills?"

"I don't think that can be passed on that way."  He made sure the phone was off and strolled back to change the sheets.  Those were...fragile.  They might rip easily.  Of course, that meant he had to do laundry.  Which he really needed to do anyway.

Pooch and Cougar shared a look and Cougar shook his head, stalking the kid for now to keep him out of trouble since Clay and Roque had wandered off on a beer run or something.

***

Roque pushed Angel against a wall, holding him up.  "I heard what you said about my bitch."  Angel vamped out and struggled.  "I know, supposedly tougher and all that.  Yay."  He slammed him against the wall again.  "I will fuck you up if you ever come near Xander again.  No tempting others to take him.  No tempting people to arrest him.  Nothing.  Am I clear?" he growled.  He slammed him against the wall again.

"Boys," Doyle called.  "Play nicely before I get another vision headache."  He walked out to look at Angel.  "You even act like a teenage girl sometimes.  Are you that jealous of him?"

"He's nothing," Angel snorted.

"Really?  Because I'm pretty sure my boy can beat your ass.  If not, I sure as hell can and then all your brooding goes to waste."  Angel gaped.

"Personally I think he's channeling Buffy," Cordelia said as she joined them.  "Want a stake?"

"Why?  It's over much too soon," Roque said with a smirk for her.  "Did you buy him new clothes?"

"I've wanted to but I'd never spend money on Xander.  Even when we were dating I'd never have spent money on him.  That's not how it works."  She smiled at Angel.  "Even I got the vision that you're going down the wrong path."  Doyle gave her a pat on the back.  "Yes, I'm still mad at you for passing them on."  She looked at Angel.  "Maybe you're not Angel.  You're Buffy in Angel's body."  She shrugged.  "I don't care.  Straighten up or the Powers are going to find another champion."  She walked off rubbing her head.  Clay nudged her and handed her something.  "What's that?"

"Commando strength advil."

She smiled, taking two and handing it back.  "I'm sure his ugly shirts will be doing it to you too."  She went back inside.

Doyle looked at him.  "If it works, we might both kiss your feet," he said in his gentle brogue.   He looked at Angel and walked off.  "I've had enough.  I'm going to the bar to drink myself into a coma."  Gunn went with him.

Wesley leaned out.  "If you're going to stake him, remember that anything on him will go to dust as well and we might need something on him."  Roque let Clay pat him down for things and toss them to him.  "Thank you, boys."  He smiled.  "Xander called and said that was his fun and dinner's nearly ready."  He pulled back inside.

"I can go hungry tonight," Roque decided, pulling out a knife.

***

Xander blinked awake, staring at Clay.  "I'm not sleeping with you."

"Roque's back."

"Tell him blood is for the job, not for bed.  I can stand it on the job but not that personally."  He covered his head again.  "Have fun?"

"A lot."  He went to tell Roque that.  "He said blood is for the job, not for bed."

"I can agree with that."  He finished the jug of milk and walked that way.  "Later."

"Have a good night."  Clay found an open spot to sleep and laid down.

Roque climbed into bed and yelped when he got bitten.  "What was that for?"

"I told you that was my fun."

"I left him alive so you can torture him."  He settled in and Xander lounged himself across his body.  "Am I a pillow?"

"Yup."

Roque smirked.  "You might pay for that tomorrow."

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm fucking sore."

"What did you do to get sore there?"  Xander stared at him.  "Did you tear some of the stitches?"

"Yes, when I ran to get away from the hot peppers Pooch fed us."

"So you shit fire all night?" he teased.

"Yes, damn it."  He snuggled in.  "Comfort me."

"If I must."

"Yeah, if you ever want laid this trip, you will."  Roque snorted but let him cuddle.  Xander clearly felt terrible with the way he was cuddling.  Once Xander was asleep Roque heard a fart and winced.  "What did he feed you?  Damn!"  He removed the blanket and sheet, plus pulled over the air freshener can.  "I'm going to get Pooch back for both of us."  There was another one and he stared.  "No wonder you felt like you shit fire all night."  He got Xander up and pointed.  "You need to take something for that."  Xander sulked at him.  "I know it's not your fault but damn!"

Xander huffed and went into the bathroom.  "I'm going to sleep in the damn tub."

"Go sleep on Pooch to pay him back for those peppers."  He sprayed the air freshener.  Once Xander was done he took him to the room Pooch was taking up, kicking Pooch out to go sleep in their room in punishment.  He also got Xander something for his gas problem and the upset stomach.  Gas-x and pepto, it was the field cure when you couldn't just let out a fart because people might find you and kill you.

Pooch complained and sprayed more air freshener.  "Boy needs to toughen his insides up," he complained.  He opened all the windows too.  "He's worse than Clay."

***

Cougar kept Pooch from the kitchen the next morning, shaking his head.  "It wasn't that bad.  Jolene likes it," Pooch complained.  Cougar shook his head again.

"No way in hell your woman eats that fire you fed them," Roque said dryly.  "I called and told her and she said there's no way you ever fed that to her.  Or else she would've skinned your balls."

"My wife loves me more than yours does."

"I don't see a ring," Xander said as he stumbled out.  "Nor am I hoping for one.  If I want one that badly I'll buy my ass one and flash it all over town to get away from people who want me."  He walked around Cougar.  "There had better be soda," he growled at Jensen, who handed him his.  Xander hummed, walking off drinking it.  "I'm going to shower."

"Sure," Roque agreed.  He shook his head.  "He's a grump this morning.  Clearly it's because he shit fire all night."

Pooch glared at him.  "The Poochman did not make it that hot."

"Bullshit," Jensen said dryly.  "Even I shit fire and I can eat nearly anything.  The Pooch made mustard gas in beefy form."  He got into the fridge.  "What happened to the milk?"

"Suck it up," Roque told him.

Cougar rolled his eyes, finding the keys and taking Jensen to pick up soda and milk.  "Xander, what type of soda do you want?" Jensen called.

"Diet Pepsi."

"Sure."

"Get some regular coke too," Clay complained as he came out.  "Some of us don't drink diet."

Jensen nodded, leaving before he said something.  Not that Xander needed to watch his figure but he guessed he was building muscle or something.

Clay looked at Pooch.  "What did you cook?  It stinks."

"Burritos."

"Uh-huh.  No wonder," Roque said, opening up more windows and finding the air spray can.  Even after nearly ten hours the house stunk.

"It's not that bad," Pooch complained, calling his wife.  She'd sympathize with him.

Clay leaned next to the phone.  "He made his super hot burritos and it kept Roque from getting laid, Jolene."

They all heard the cackle and her chewing on her husband's ego.  Cougar and Jensen came back with the requested soda and other staples that Xander hadn't had.  Then Jensen got to work on breakfast.  It was always safer to let him cook.

Clay carried in a plate and a fresh soda for the kid, getting a grin instead of a pouty look.  "You feel that bad?"

"I feel like crap."

"Just the peppers?"  Xander shrugged.  "Cougar," he called.  He came in.  "Check his stitches."  Cougar nodded, coming over to check the stitches and his forehead.  The boy got glared at.  "Some snap?"

"Last night when I ran to the bathroom.  They're not bleeding or really the deep ones."

"You need your antibiotic," Cougar said.

"They didn't give me any."  Cougar gave him a dirty look.  "In my med kit, which is in the other bathroom because it's easier to clean up in there, I've got an older one."  Cougar went to get it and came back shaking his head.  "Too old?"  Cougar nodded.  "Damn it."

"Got a doc you like?" Clay asked.

"You can ask Gunn if their doc can get me some."  Clay nodded, going to do that.  "Thank you for breakfast."

"Welcome, kid."  He and Cougar walked out.  Gunn was barely up but he said their doctor hated Xander's blood for some reason.   "What's wrong with your blood?" Clay called.

"Mermaid taint," floated out.

"What?" Roque demanded.

"Swim coach."

"Does that mean someone exposed you to mermaid blood and stuff?" Jensen called.

"Yup.  They detoxed most of it."

"We can go to a quick care place," Clay decided.  Xander moaned.  "Eat.  We'll go in an hour or so."

"Yes, mom."

Clay rolled his eyes, looking at Roque.  "I hate going to the doc's just as much," he quipped.  "Or don't you remember having to hold me down?"

"Yup, I do."  He walked off shaking his head.  "You two are a lot alike."

Cougar nodded, getting out of the way so Jensen could put bowls on the table.

***

"What sort of work gets you stabbed, young man?" the doctor asked as he looked at the stitches that remained.

"I'm a bouncer at a bar."

"Like that movie _Roadhouse_?"

Xander smiled.  "Little bit less classy.  There were some gang kids trying to rob the bar."

"Hmm.  Which hospital ER did these?"

"UCLA."

"They're crap at it but that's a teaching hospital so I guess it's reasonable."  He gently touched.  "No antibiotic?"

"No."

"You clearly need one."  He smiled at him.  "A few could be replaced."

Xander waved a hand.  "If I need to I can redo them.  I have other scars."

"I can see them."  He looked at him.  "Fight club?"

"No, not really.  I got into a few.  I was bully bait and things."  He shrugged.  "I stripped for a while too but the LAPD hated rescuing me from the arms dealers I drew."  The doctor gave him a strange look and he grinned.  "It happens."

"Sometimes.  Anything of note I should hear?"

"No, why?"

"I've heard of someone like you that has some...shall we say DNA abnormalities."

"There was a swim coach in high school that infected us with strange DNA to make us swim faster.  He basically put it in the sauna so we'd soak in the blood.  They detoxed all mine.  I'm still human."

"Are you sure?  It could matter to drug interactions."

Xander nodded.  "It's less than three chromosomes, Doc.  I may be a mutant but I'm not a demon."

"Why would he worry?"

"Because some people are judgmental asses?" Xander guessed.  "He hates me anyway because I hang with Gunn's people and do the same job but from a different viewpoint."

"Huh.  So you are that Xander."  Xander nodded.  "Bouncing?"

"Yeah.  After the last psycho gassed the club I was stripping in I can't go back."  He shrugged and winced.  "Not my fault.  As for that doc, he hates me because I'm not part of the gang basically.  He considers me spoiled for having two alchie parents.  Apparently having my best friend and soul's light taken by a vamp and then later people I knew isn't a good enough reason to fight."

"I think it is," he admitted.  He wrote out the prescription.  "Anything you react to?"

"No.  Not yet."  He grinned and took it.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Try to find a better job?"

"Unless I start hand-making weapons, there's not a whole lot I'm really qualified to do."

"Good point."  He smirked at him.  "Try to take it easy."

"One of the visitors made burritos with peppers.  I ripped them running for the bathroom."

The doctor laughed.  "That's bad."

"So was the stink."  The doctor nodded and let him go.  Xander walked out, paying for the visit.  He had insurance but it wasn't great.  It was cheap and it covered major injuries, which is what he needed.  Clay walked him out to the car and drove them to the pharmacy.  Fortunately it was a cheap antibiotic.   They went back to the place, finding Epps waiting on them.  "You get that all straightened out?" Xander asked.

"Yup.  He said thank you for the help."  He stared at the kid through his sunglasses.  "If you *ever* do what you did at the airport, I know people who would love to recruit you and will be."

"You think they'd let me hunt bad things there?" Xander asked dryly.

"I don't think you could make it through Special Forces training," Clay admitted.  "It's meant to break you down and you'd fight it."

"Did his team teach you how to do that?" Don asked.

"No.  My uncle took me deer hunting when I was seven.  I got mine, he didn't but he claimed mine."  Don stared at him over the edge of his sunglasses, giving him a dirty look.  Xander shrugged.  "And I've kept in practice at the gun range."

"I saw your qualifications they keep.  Which is why I know someone in Fugitive Recovery who'd love to recruit you for a few years in the service and then to follow him."  He stood up instead of leaning against his car.  "You could've warned me further ahead."

"No I couldn't.  You guys would've stopped me and that would've gotten this team dead on purpose.  He was playing games to get the US back into a few wars.  Your current boss let him go a few years ago for supposed lack of evidence."

"You sure it was supposed?"

"Your boss knows a lot of contacts in that world who would love to get Max out of their way.  That's why they paid me rewards."

"I saw your bike."

"I won that in that Venice Beach drawing."

"They ran two," Don said dryly.

"I know.  They ran a second because a non-biker won it and someone donated another one.  The sedan was though."

"Whatever.  Don't do it again."

"Sure, next time I'll find some other way to kill the psychotic mother fucker arms dealer and the psycho minion who wanted me."

"He's not dead."

"No, but he's still in the hospital," Xander quipped back.  "And I'll be warned when he gets out."

"It should be next week," Don said dryly.

"He comes after me to woo me in his special way and I'll send him back," Xander promised.

"On a joint mission, Wade's team killed a whole village and we were ordered not to stop him," Clay told him.  "We did, and got our asses busted for it."

Jensen leaned out.  "If we're talking about Wade, he tried to call and Roque told him how happy Xander was being his.  So we'd all kill him really hard for him."  He grinned at Xander.

"I can kill him," Xander promised.  "I can go ask a few poker contacts for some blood and turn him into goo."

Jensen looked back inside then at him.  "Roque's got that pleased growl going.  I think you're going to be pounced."

"I'm still sore from the peppers."  He looked at Don.  "At least I warned you.  I could've let you guys wonder and investigate with the way you guys broke that deal."

"That was not my call," Don said firmly.

Xander looked at him.  "You're a cog in the machine that did it, Don.  Why should I trust any of you?  Not like you guys did anything when Angel told you I had more weapons dealers after me.  Or when Angel tried to sell my ass to a higher demon who was running drugs.  I can only guess he was sure I could take him out."

Don scowled.  "When did this happen?"

"Few weeks ago.  Some of you guys heard about it and didn't even tell me.  I found that out later.  Apparently they go on the 'even one drop' principle since I got infected with some demon blood in high school."

Don relaxed some.  "I won't lie and say that some of them aren't idiots.  Or lazy.  If I hear about that, they'd be having a long talk with one of my team."  He stared at him.  "If I hear, I'll tell you."

"You're one team.  And not all of your team would."

"Megan...."

"Not just her."

"Damn it."  He nodded.  "We'll be having a talk about that later, kid."  He stared at him.  "When's the upcoming big problem?"

"Few days."

"Who is going to be there?  Can we help?"

"No.  It'll take artillery.  I can handle it."

"Will Angel let you handle it?" Clay asked.

"Do I care?"

"No, probably not.  Though Angel's in bad shape."

"He can sip a few people's worth and heal nearly anything," Xander told him.  He looked at Don again.  "I trust most of the underground more than I do you guys because I know that they'll give me information when it's critical and they won't try to stop a battle without a reason."

"If we see a battle going on and we think there's a reason we wouldn't."  Xander stared at him.  "Some might fire on both sides."

"Most of them.  And most of the ATF."

"Yeah, they mostly would too.  So tell *me*."

"I did tell you."

"Thank you but give me more warning?"

"Sure, if I can."

"Thank you."  He got into his car and drove off, going back to talk to his teammates.

Clay looked at him.  "You good?"

"I'm pissed off but it happens."  He shrugged and walked inside.  Pooch handed him a glass of milk.  "Thank you."  He drank it and two of his antibiotics, heading downstairs.   "I'm going to watch the news."

Roque watched him go.  "I don't like him being pissed at the government."

"He has every right to be pissed with the government," Clay assured him.  "They broke that deal.  They knew he was going to be taken and did nothing by what he just said."  Jensen waved a hand, letting him see that file.  "Sent that to Epps?"

"Did."

"Thank you."  He looked at Roque.  "Maybe he needs more than a strong shoulder to claw up during sex.  Even I know that and I'm rotten at relationship stuff."

"I didn't think we were in that sort of one," he muttered as he walked.  He found Cougar down there with him and the kid not being happy but not really unhappy either.  He sat down and Xander leaned over to put his head on his shoulder.  "You still feel miserable?"  Xander nodded.  "Why?"

"I'm sore and I suck."

"You don't suck.  You bite."  Xander hit him.  "Ow," he joked, smirking at him.  "I should spank."

"I'd probably break and bleed if you did."  He resettled himself on Roque's shoulder.  Roque relaxed and let him but didn't cuddle.  Xander looked up at him.  "You're a failure at comforting, you know that right?"  He put the arm around him and Roque huffed but let him.  "Even I need cuddles sometimes."

"Fine."  Xander got up and went up to the tub.  "What?" he complained.

Cougar stared at him.  "When one's amor needs cuddles, the thing to do is give it to them."

"Not like I'm used to women who want more than a long ride."  He went to talk to his boyfriend but found Jensen in chatting with him about something geek related.  Roque went to make lunch.  His boy needed to eat.  He had lost weight.

Clay looked at him.  "He's a lot like Jensen's darker side," he said quietly, walking into the kitchen.  "You've seen Jensen calming down more than once I'm sure."  Roque nodded, still chopping lettuce for a sandwich.  "Same thing."

"Cougar doesn't cuddle him."

"Cougar doesn't need to cuddle him.  Your boy grew up surrounded by girls.  Jensen didn't."

"Whatever," he muttered.  He finished up and brought in the lunch, getting a smile.  "Still sore?"

"Yup.  I don't even want to think about eating stuff that'll make me crap."  He nibbled on a chip.  "Thankfully this'll take days."  He gave him a slight smile.  "Thank you for lunch."

"Welcome."  He left him alone to soak.  He looked so *young* in there.  It was almost making him feel dirty for debauching him.  He went down to watch the news.  Jensen was good at that soothing shit, he could help Xander.

Jensen peeked in.  "I bought ice cream earlier."

"I'd kiss you but it might get you stabbed," Xander joked but he was grinning.

"I'll take my chances.  I can outrun him."  He handed over a bowl and a spoon.  "You still crapping fire?"

"It feels like it."  He dug in, ignoring his lunch for now.  Ice cream always came before food in his book.  Jensen came in to chat and cheer Xander up.  It was nice.

***

Xander looked at the current huge problem.  "Clearly I needed the bigger one this time," he muttered.  He spotted Angel and Buffy fighting it and sighed.  He plucked something different out of the rental car's trunk and slammed it, making sure it locked before heading down to help.  Doyle was giving him an odd look so he undid the case and pulled out something.

"Yo, duck," he called.  Buffy dove out of the way.  Angel took the time to glare at him.  Pity.  He blew the small rocket into the demon's stomach, making it scream and flail, which knocked Angel out when it slapped him.  Buffy jumped up to kill it.  Xander dropped the tube.  "That's a beheader, Buffy."  She nodded and did that.  He looked at Doyle.  "Next time warn me it's huge and I'll bring something to splat the sucker all over the city if I have to."

Doyle smirked but Wesley snickered.  "I'm sure you could."

"It's under the couch."  He walked down there, staring at her.  "You need a shower."

"Yeah, I do.  Were you late?"

"Angel never told me."  He shrugged.  "Apparently he's still on his kick where he tried to sell me to a demon recently."  She gave him an odd look.  "Drug lord demon actually."  She shuddered.  "Apparently he thought I needed to kill the fucker hard."  He pointed.  "Rental car?  So I don't care about the goo?"

She looked.  "Cops."

"Yay."  He shrugged and walked up there.  "Hi, guys."  He grinned.

"It's you," one said flatly.  He looked down at the mess then at him.  "Is that this spring's thing we have to ignore?"

"Yup."

"Can you kinda go home now and go back to being a stripper?"

"I can't.  After the one psycho gassed my whole club, they won't let me.  I'm too dangerous."  He grinned.  "But I'm bouncing now."

"Yeah, I remember your last night of work there," one said with a wince.

Xander looked down at his leg then up at the officer.  "I'm fine.  My boyfriend growled like hell though."  He smirked.  "Anyway, we're going to fade.  Can I have the rental car?"

"We got told there's weapons in the trunk," the second officer said happily.

"Well, yeah, but it's a rental car.  Who knows who cleans these suckers out."

"Is there a dead arms dealer like last time?" that officer asked.

"No, this time I heard ahead and got some from a contact."  He grinned.  "He was very happy to pay me the poker winnings he owed me that way."  The three officers stared at him.  "Really."  Buffy walked up there.  "I can give you guys the weapons but can we fade?"

"Sure," that officer that knew Xander decided.  "That'd work.  The higher ups don't want to know about any of this."

"Cool."  Xander popped the trunk.  "The two assault rifles are legal.  So's the grenade gun."  They nodded, taking them anyway.  "Hey," he complained.

"Find a safer job, kid.  One that doesn't draw psychos."

"Then he can't date," Buffy said dryly.

"My boyfriend would hate that," Xander agreed.  "Especially since he kinda runs into them on military oriented assignments."  The officers all moaned but let them go.  Xander looked at Buffy.  "Want my shower or the Hyperion's?"

"I was staying there but sure you can make dinner."

"Okay.  Wes, I'll bring her back later."  Wesley smiled and waved at that.  He got in and drove off.

Wesley looked at Gunn.  "I never realized that how poorly we treated the boy caused him to lose his mind."

Gunn snickered.  "Yeah, I think he has."  They looked at the mess.  "I say we leave it."

"We should probably at least attempt to burn it."

"It's dry and we're under a burn advisory, English."

"Good point.  I don't know of many things that could eat a corpse that size."  He looked at Angel, who Doyle and Cordelia were fussing over then back at Fred.  "Do you know anything that would eat the body quickly?"  Buffy showing up suddenly had sent them out of the field of battle to rest so they could jump in when Angel or she were tired.

"Not right off the top of my head, unless we got an industrial sized vat of hydrochloric acid from somewhere and used it that way."  She shrugged.  "That would ruin the field though."  She pushed her glasses back up.  "I don't know.  Maybe we should just call in the body and let the officials do it?"  She pointed at the watching person.

"Brilliant idea, Winifred," Wesley decided.  "Let's all go home," he called.  They nodded and got Angel into the car.  "We'll have to find a way to get him some blood to make sure he doesn't linger with the head injury in case there's repercussions."

Cordelia looked at him.  "There won't be many.  And if so, I'll point them at Buffy."  She smiled.  "Maybe his year of living dangerously is done with."

"We can all hope Xander's boy doesn't come back," Gunn said.  "Because that guy, he's scary to me.  I've seen some badasses but that guy....."

"He's Special Forces in the Army," Wesley said.  "I asked and Xander bragged on him."

"With a lot of knives," Cordelia agreed.  They all nodded at that.  "How does he do that and not clink when he walks?"

"Special holders.  The same way Xander does I would imagine," Wesley said.  Angel moaned.  "No, stay down.  You probably have a concussion again."  He looked at her.  "Xander's known to carry at least four to six weapons on him at all times.  Even when he was stripping.  I got told a charming story about how he did one with knives in the open one night at that heavier club he started out in.  Apparently it was well liked."

"Yeah, they were very blood play," she agreed.  She shuddered.  "Ewww.  Xander needs someone nicer."

"If he suits Xander, then so be it.  We cannot judge that Xander has found someone who not only will protect him but also adore him."

"Xander asked why men don't cuddle," Fred said, smiling at them.  "Apparently he was feeling miserable after some extreme peppers someone put into their dinner one night and his boyfriend wouldn't cuddle."

Cordelia snorted.  "See, there's a good indication.  He needs someone a touch nicer than that one.  Black, green, or purple, just nicer!"

"I think we'd all like it if Xander dated someone more nice and decent," Doyle said.  "Though his tastes don't tend to run that way."  Cordelia pinched him.  "Hey!  Not while I'm driving, wench."  She pinched him again, getting swatted by Fred.  "Thank you, Fred."

"Welcome, Doyle."  She smiled.  "Don't make him wreck.  They'll throw Angel in the morgue and you know he'll be cranky when he makes it out of there."

"Yeah, I know," she said dryly.  They finally got home at the hotel and found Agent Epps waiting on them.  "What do you want?" Cordelia demanded.  Her hands went to her hips and one foot started to tap.  Universal woman language for 'answer me now, mister, or die'.

"What happened, what did he use, and I heard they confiscated something?" Epps asked.

"We were fighting it and Xander showed up with a weapon," Cordelia said.

"The demon was killed but we couldn't figure out how ta make the corpse disappear," Doyle said.

"Can't burn right now," Gunn agreed.  "As for confiscated, the cops that showed up said they were ignoring it and took the spares Xander brought.  I heard him whine about one of his assault rifles."

"Isn't his boyfriend in town?" Epps asked.

Fred smiled and nodded.  "He's probably back there.  Xander never tells them anything beyond he's going on patrol.  Xander doesn't ask about what they do on assignment and they don't ask what Xander hunts in town."

Don nodded slowly.  "I'm going to have a talk with his boyfriend, see if they can calm Xander down."

"If you wreck it for Xander, he'll kick your ass," Cordelia said smugly.  "Just look at what keeps happening to Angel."

Epps nodded.  "I'd never do that.  Where is it?"  Fred showed him on the map.  "I'll have someone go burn it if they haven't.  Any others for the next month?"

"Smaller things," Doyle said.  "One larger demon but he's in to try to buy slaves."

"And I *so* saw Xander ending him and his boyfriend pouting that he didn't get to rescue him," Cordelia said, rubbing her forehead.  "Last night."  Epps nodded, leaving them alone.  "Did I tell him?"

"If not, make sure you do today," Doyle told her.  She nodded, going to make that call while they put Angel onto a couch with an ice pack.

***

Xander opened the door and let her inside.  "Guys, this is Buffy if you don't remember her.  She's going to clean up.  Anyone in the guest bathroom?"

"Cougar is," Jensen said.

"That's fine.  You can use mine then."  He led her that way and let her use it.  He came out.  "I realize that the last owner probably wanted to get rid of this one for lack of bathrooms."  He went to get a snack.

"How bad was the battle?" Jensen asked.

"Bad before I got there.  I fired something that wasn't big enough and it gave Buffy and Angel an opening."  He got himself some milk and went to pull stuff out of his closet, tossing it in at the vanity for her.  He came back out.  "That way she can put something on."  He flopped down.  "I lost the new assault rifle.  The cops took it even though it was legal."  He sipped his milk.  "And I dumped the rental car back on them.  We cabbed back from there."

"Good," Clay said.  "More subtle, thank you."  He stared at him.  "You didn't get messy?"

"Maybe some blow back."  He looked at himself and shrugged, going to change.  He could run his and Buffy's clothes as a load of laundry.  He grabbed her things since she was in the shower.  The washer was started and he put in the super goo removing cleaner they had.  Then he went back to the living room.  "Anyway," he said as he sat down.  "Did they decide to burn it, Jensen?"

"Yup.  LAPD has a fire crew there to do a controlled burn of something that looks like a rabid large animal, or so they claim, and they're watching it hard but not letting any camera crews near there."  He smiled.  "How's Angel?"

"The thing batted him on the head.  That's why Buffy's goo covered."

"You could've asked for help," Clay said.

"Why?  I didn't need help.  Next time I'll ask for help."  He grinned.  "Or in three years when they're saying we're going to have an invasion."

"Oh hell no!" Roque complained.  "Invasion?  Like Mexico's coming harder?"

"From what the underground's said, there's some bad idiots who want to rule the world and return it to higher demon authority, and they're going to do that by inviting another realm here to take out the humans."  He finished his milk.  "So three years, huge invasion."  He grinned.  "For that I'll call."  The house phone rang and he looked at it.  The answering machine caught it and they heard Cordelia reminding him that the slave taking demon was going to be coming soon if she had already told him about it, and if not to call her.  Then she hung up.  He shrugged.  "Just another one to me."  He got comfy, looking at Roque.  Buffy padded out in his sweat shorts and a long t-shirt.  "They're in the wash."

"I heard you steal them."  She sat down in a chair, curling a leg up to her chest.  "So, how's everyone?"

"As far as I know they're okay," Xander told her.  "Cordy just called about a vision she had last night."

"Yeah, I heard about the slave trader."  She shrugged.

"Have you heard that in three years, the demon circuit is anticipating an invasion of LA?"

"No, I hadn't," she admitted.  "That's a lot of warning."

"They're working on it now.  They're saying it's going to pour another demon realm onto this one through a portal."

Buffy stared at him.  "That's sucky.  So.... we'll need that three years to build up a stash?"

He nodded.  "Probably."

She nodded.  "I'll tell Angel and them about that later.  Are you still mad at him?"

"Yup.  He tried to sell me about a month ago."

"Huh.  I didn't hear about that."  Xander got the note he had been sent and gave it to her.  She read it, grimacing.  "Why is Angel acting like a girl with PMS?  I know you two had some jealousy issues before."

Xander shook his head.  "I grew out of mine.  But I was right, he was bad for you."

She glared.  "Quit."

"Fine."  He shifted.  "It seems like he's being a toddler because he thinks it'll make him take longer to atone."

"Oh, that stuff."  She grimaced again.  "I'll beat him upside the head later."

"He was flirting with Cordy from what I heard," Xander said.  "Which pissed off Doyle, who took a cricket bat to his head."  Jensen snickered.  "Not too hard, didn't want to really hurt him before a battle, but Wesley apparently stood up for Doyle."

"I like Doyle.  He has sense.  I need a boyfriend more like Doyle than Angel."

Clay smiled.  "It's hard to date a soldier.  It's why only Pooch is married."  She pointed at Xander and Roque.  "No, they're casually screwing."

Xander nodded.  "He won't cuddle."  Roque growled but pulled Xander closer, letting him cuddle.  "This is nice.  Thank you," he said quietly.  Buffy grinned.  "Don't let Pooch cook unless you're sure he can't add hot peppers."

"I had enough of those in Cambodia for two months of hell."

Jensen grinned.  "We haven't been there in years."

"I had to keep assuring men that I wasn't for sale as a wife."  She shuddered.  "Some didn't have any teeth and some stunk and most of them were older guys."

"Older guys are more able to provide for a family," Clay said.  "But younger women can give them a larger family.  In that part of the world it's often a older man/younger woman thing."

"I like older guys, I don't like guys that're older than my dead Grandfather."  Clay laughed.  "I mean, you're not near there yet or nearly at the stage of tragically old, but you'd be like their grandson's age."

"You know, you should spar with him," Xander said with a grin.  "Clay's pretty good."  Buffy grinned and then at Clay, who shrugged.  "Use the yard.  It might wear some of the tension out."

"Have you heard from my mother?" she demanded of Xander.

"Yup, yesterday."

"Huh.  Is she at the apartment?  She didn't answer the phone."

"She's been looking over the remains of Sunnydale to see if she wants to go back."

"I think they're going to post me there, no matter what."  She went to spar with Clay in the garage.  The bike didn't take up all that much room and he moved it for them.  He was pretty decent.  She was a bit hyped.  And it was good.  The car was even unlocked for when she pounced him.  Xander hinted too broadly but he was good at it.  He made her squeal in ways she hadn't before.

Xander smiled at Roque.  "Just dangerous this time."  Roque laughed, patting him on the arm.  Cougar came out.  "Buffy and Clay are sparring."  Cougar just nodded and shut a window to block out any giggling.

Xander looked at Roque.  "If and when we go back, we might need some backup for our coming back day.  There's been vamps breeding up there the whole time thanks to the sewer system's being huge and open.  Plus having the apartments down there."

Roque looked at him.  "There's an apartment complex underground in your town's sewer system?"

"Yeah and it's on the other side from the collapse so it's still there.  We're going to have to clean it out someday soon.  So if you guys want to back us up...."  He grinned at his boyfriend.  "It'll be staking instead of stabbing."

"Not that much different.  Just less sharp and you have to be more precise."  He considered it.  "If we're around.  We're supposedly getting things cleared up and might get called back at any given time."

Xander smirked at Jensen.  "You can help.  It's more than big enough for you not to have to bend over.  The old mayor built them as an underground highway for the demons."  Jensen shuddered.  "Most are peaceful but even the peaceful ones are complaining about the vampires."  He heard a bang.  "If that was my bike, you're a dead woman, Summers," he yelled.

"It was a goat crashing into the garage door," she called back.  "I'm avoiding the thoughts about making it food."

"It's the neighbor's lawn goat probably," he called.  He rolled his eyes.  "Green freak," he explained at Pooch's odd look.  "Half the stuff in his house is off the grid and on pedal power."

"That's one way to get exercise in," Pooch decided.  He shook his head quickly.

"You can rent goats for lawn care?" Jensen asked.

"Yeah, there's a whole company that just started," Xander told him.  "It takes a while and they don't get things even but you can.  There's another startup that's using sheep too."

"It's being in California," Jensen decided, shaking his head quickly.  "My sister said she wants to meet you sometime."

"I leave that up to you guys."  Xander waved a hand.  "Jolene and I have talked a few times because she called."  Pooch quit giving him odd looks.  "Mostly about how to handle you guys when you're in on leave.  The drunk tank talk was amusing."  Roque shook his head.  Xander smiled and cuddled in better.  Someone knocked.  He looked back.  "What?" he demanded.

"Delivery for Mr. Harris," they called.

Xander got up and went to look outside, looking at Roque and pointing.  Roque got up and grabbed his biggest knife.  The door got opened.  "Didn't I tell you he's not on the market?"

"I'm being perfectly polite."

Xander looked at him.  "I had to give up stripping thanks to you.  I make crap wages as a bouncer."  He stared at him.  "You do realize next time it'll be a head shot?"

"You paid to have someone shoot me?" Wade asked with a smile.  Xander shook his head.  "But....."

Buffy and Clay came up, Clay growling.  "What does he want?" he snarled.

"That's what we're figuring out.  Buffy, this is Wade, who was the guy that gassed the strip club."

"Hi, I heard you're a psycho so I'm going to keep my prettiness over here."  She leaned on the couch.  She noticed the rest of the team moving into a better position.  "Why do you guys like Xander?"

"He seems like the perfect lap candy.  He can understand the job, won't stress if we come home injured.  He's a really good boytoy for a commando.  As Roque knows."  Roque punched him.  "Awww, come on.  He should trade to someone better in bed."

Xander coughed and grabbed something, unhiding it and pointing it at him.  "He's bigger than you'll ever be.  And I'm finally training him to cuddle."  Wade stared at him.  "Shoo.  Now.  I told you if you showed up I'd be sending you back to the hospital."

"Your neighbors....."

"I bought this off a weapons dealer."  Wade purred at that.  "Go.  Now."

"But...."  The Losers attacked as a group, each taking a side.

Buffy stared.  "Wow, we need to get Willow into self-defense classes if that's what geeks with training can do," she said, watching Jensen help kick his ass.

"That kinda goes against the whole Willow thing," Xander reminded her.  "Is this like a Musketeer thing?  Why send one when five can go?"

"All for one and all for one," Jensen quipped back, punching Wade again.  It distracted him for Roque to slice into him.  "Hey, no fair using knives already."

"Shut up, Jensen.  Xander, put that up and go sit down," Roque ordered.  Xander huffed but did that.  "See, mine," he smirked.  Then he broke Wade's nose.

Wade was fighting back and trying hard to keep all five of them off him.  "But I have more money and I can protect him.  I can even get the FBI to quit keeping tabs on him and his guns."

"Uh-huh.  So can we," Clay pointed out smugly.

"Remove me from the IRS, please," Xander quipped from inside.

That was the scene Don Epps drove into.  He watched and called in that the psycho stalker was back.  Granger and the rest of them just moaned and said they'd be there soon.  Epps got out, walking around the melee.  He looked at the two young ones.  "What did he do?"

"He showed up," Xander said with a shrug.  "They won't let me help."

"Let them.  That's a soldier's job," Epps told him.  He stared at him.  "Thank you for letting them confiscate something.  It made them feel better."

"It usually does but I really liked my assault rifles."

"They're working to ban them," Epps said smugly.

Xander shrugged.  "Sometimes you have to be able to spray a whole street.  Like the planned invasion in three years."

Don stared at him.  "By what?  If they're warning this far in advance, they've got to need weapons building time."

"Yup, basically."

"I only got it from him," Buffy said with a small shrug.  Xander found his notes on it and handed them to her.  She read and handed them to Epps.  "Well, shit," she muttered.  "That's a bad habit I picked up, sorry."

"Also, the peaceful guys are saying the vamps are driving them nuts," Xander said quietly.

She looked at him.  "They do me too."

"I meant in Sunnydale."

"Ditto."

"Like now."

"Yeah, we can," she sighed.  "Give me a day to rest and find my jeans."  He nodded.  "Think we can get Faith a weekend off for it?"

"Maybe," Xander said with a small shrug.  "Don't know.  Ask the Fed man there."  She smiled at him.

"Where is she?" Don sighed.  "And how bad is it?"

"If the peaceful demon community is whining about the vampires in Sunnydale bothering them, there's probably thousands," Buffy assured him.  "Because no one's been up there to thin the herd."

"I go up every Sunday to do some," Xander admitted.  "I got about eighty this month."  She stared at him.  "Just sniper picking them off sort."

"Damn."  She covered her mouth.  "Sorry, another bad habit thingy."

Clay walked in.  "Xander, come refute his claim?"

Xander walked out, looking down at Wade.  "Did you enjoy my boyfriend?"  He grinned.  "You come back next time and I won't use an explosive round to the chest."  Wade moaned, staring at him.  "I'll make sure you need a closed casket too.  Because you'll be in itty, bitty pieces."  He walked in and got something then came out, holding up the capped needle.  "Three types of demon blood mixed together.  It'll make *quite* a mess."  He stared at him.  "Which I don't want to hose off the front yard today.  So I'm going to be generous.  Leave.  Now.  Don't come back, don't stalk me, don't send me shit, nothing."  He stared at him.  "Am I clear?"

"You're not that sort of man," Wade said through his bleeding mouth.

"Yes he is," Buffy called.  "He does what's necessary.  That's why he's a white knight."  She leaned out.  "Huh, nice job, guys."  She looked at him.  "Xander likes knives just as much as his big, badass boyfriend does, and he likes explosives too."  Xander grinned at her.  "Him branching into taking people out with demon blood?  Not that big a stretch."

"I tried it on a vamp.  He went from pustules, to bulging in various areas, to exploded," Xander said proudly.  "His arms and legs both exploded and then his cheeks."  He grinned at Wade.  "It was so cool looking."  Wade moaned, sounding pleased.  "It's going to be used on you next.  Now, get up and go.  Shoo.  I don't want your tiny dick."  He kissed Roque on the cheek.  "If I leave this one, I'd probably have over fifteen suitors within a day.  You just can't compare on the dick size at the very least.  And no, a fat wallet doesn't make up for a skinny dick."  He walked back inside.  Buffy was cackling.  "Seriously!  Roque's really well built.  I'd let you see but I'd have to smack you when you drooled," he told her.

"Clay's not badly built," she said.  "Much better than Angel.  Maybe it's commando drugs they get during training."

"Maybe guys in the old days were just smaller," Xander offered with a shrug.  "They say they're shorter too."

Buffy nodded.  "Yeah, could be."

"Oh my god, there's a Clay sort of woman who's sane!" Jensen told Cougar, who laughed but swatted him.  "Keep her, Clay," he said with a grin.

"Please keep her," Pooch agreed.  "Jolene could like her."

"My sister too," Jensen agreed, kicking Wade again.  Wade tried to grab him but he fought back.  He was a fully trained soldier, not just a geek.  Epps came out to pull him off him and get him back to the ER before Jensen did more than dent him some more.

"We'll let him disappear until I can find something to arrest him on."

"I have a full file started," Jensen offered with a smile.  "Really good stuff too.  All true and all that."

"Hand it over and I'll arrest him if it's that good."  Jensen bounced inside to get the laptop and bring it back out.  Epps read it over then nodded.  When his team got there, he let them arrest him and take him to the ER as a prisoner.

Buffy smiled at Clay when he came in.  "Need me to find the first aid kit for scratches and bites, guys?"

"No, we're good," Clay assured her with a smile.  She smirked back and followed to help him clean up.  She had learned a lot about how men thought and what real men needed and did.  So she'd have a happy today.  A lot of happy and he could have some too.

Xander grinned at Pooch.  "Unconventional but nice."

"Very.  She's sane.  Much better than the usual one," Roque agreed.

"Don't pout about the on-duty wife getting loud," Xander teased.  Roque stared at him then picked him up and carried him off.  He needed to 'clean up' too.  Plus claim his boy.  Now he could bite him and only get swatted for it.  He didn't have to worry about no marks showing.

"No biting, no hickey's," Xander ordered as he was carried off.  "I'm not a fucking princess you can ride up and claim."

"Uh-huh.  Shut up, Xander."  Roque kicked their bedroom door shut.

Pooch looked at Jensen and Cougar, who shrugged.  "We don't need to know," Jensen assured him happily.

"Me either.  Jolene would be upset."  He walked Epps off to tell him more about Wade.  It could only help.  Jensen and Cougar went down to watch tv.  Though Jensen did send the goat back home.  It trying to get in to play was annoying.

***

Xander laid out the old maps they had saved, looking over things.  He then laid out the new ones from the demon community center he had copied.  "Three months old," he said.  They all nodded.  Buffy pointed at one are that was a well known living area that was blocked off on both ends with a frown.  "No, they did dig them out fairly quickly."  She smiled at him.  "That's this tunnel here."  He looked at it.  "Last complaints I heard were six roving hunting groups here," he said with a point.  "Another large nest here and here.  And we had enough going around through the sewers that it was bad."  He looked up.  "They're saying there's over a thousand vampires now."

Buffy moaned.  "Really?"

"Yup.  They found some injured and dying up at the college.  They found some trapped."  Buffy slumped but nodded.  "That's not our fault.  That's the guys doing the saving didn't get there fast enough.  It's always a factor in Sunnydale."  She nodded.  "Also, the ones with the undamaged houses tried to stay."

"Da...dirt," she said.  "Mom?"

"She's back at the apartment tonight.  I told her you were looking for her so you're going over for dinner and we'll tackle this tomorrow night.  After a lot of stake carving."  She smiled and nodded.  The guys all nodded at that.

"Where's the bigger and easier entrances?"  Buffy and Xander pointed them out.  "What's this?" Clay asked.

"That's a National Guard base that's closed," Xander said.

"Entries?"

"No, they locked theirs down."

Clay nodded once, looking things over.  "It'd make the most sense if we went in this way and then went up this main pipeline.  Are there any other species of demons that're human looking, Buffy?"

"There's a few but they're not all bad.  And most you can't stake."  She called Giles to ask him that.  Xander called the demon community center.  They came back to the table.  "Giles said there's six species that are and some that're half breeds."

"Who are all going to be quietly warned to stay inside that night," Xander told her.  She smiled.  "They're not going to tell the vamps.  They nearly went to ask Angel to handle it."

"They hate Angel."

"Yeah, they do, and they were going to personally ask him to go up and handle it if we didn't."

She nodded.  "Okay.  So even if a few vamps hear, we couldn't get them all anyway.  As long as we don't have to kick in doors."

"We won't," Xander said.  She nodded and they got back to things.  Xander added to the plan Clay and Roque made because he knew Sunnydale better.  They agreed with most everything but didn't want him to bring holy water grenades.  Too much risk of sinking a tunnel on them.  Buffy went to hang out with her mom.  Xander sat down in the garage to make stakes.  Cougar and Jensen came down to help.  "You want a good, sharp point or it's like trying to push the stake through cinder block," he told them.  They nodded and it was good.  A few were lopsided but it didn't really matter.  As long as it had a point.

***

Clay got the call they had been waiting on while driving up there.  "Clay."  He listened.  "General, no can do tonight. We're promised to help a hunt situation.  By dawn and then clean up time maybe.  I can tell the others, yes.  That's fine.  Thank you, sir."  He hung up.  "We're to report at eleven-hundred to talk about things."  They all nodded.  Xander too.  "On this coast.  They know we're in LA, Xander."

"That's cool.  Pooch, did you call Jolene?"  He nodded, tapping his bluetooth since he was driving and California was huffy about those things.  Xander relaxed and let his mind flow.  He hated mass hunting in nests.  There were always more than you expected.  They got out and found a few up and roaming.  Xander shot them.  Cougar took the rifle from him and made more shots from a longer distance, which Xander didn't excel at.

Xander looked over as another car joined them.  Don Epps and Faith got out with a prison guard.  "Hey," Buffy said with a smile.  She hugged Faith.  "We have a major growth spurt."

"I heard."  She grimaced.  "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Yup," Xander agreed.  He released her cuffs and tossed them to the staring prison guard.  He opened the box of stakes, letting her pick her favorites and a few spares.  "We're going tunnel hunting."

She grimaced.  "It's always been overrun down there.  Even the Mayor hated going down there," Faith said quietly.

"There's over a thousand now," Buffy said.  "Xander's only been doing that since it fell in."

Faith watched then nodded.  "Get the one in the park."  Cougar looked and got them since they were in feeding face.  She stretched and limbered up.  "Who's the muscle patrol?"

"This is Clay," Buffy introduced.  She grinned.  "He's a colonel and really decent.  This is their team.  That's Jensen, who's one really tough geek."

"We are all Special Forces," Jensen said dryly.  "We all got the same training."  He smiled at Faith.  "Nice to meet you, Faith.  We found out all this when we saved Xander from the program that sank the town."

Xander nodded.  "A few times."  He grinned at Pooch.  "You nearly done?"  He nodded.  Roque had the scary game face on.  Xander kissed him.  "Guard your neck and anything else that's open.  I don't want to see you eaten.  I can't pull a Buffy and sleep with a vamp."

Roque smirked.  "I'm too tough for them to bite too."

Xander looked at Clay, who nodded.  Cougar put up the rifle.

"Let me," Don said.  "I have someone else showing up who can do sniper jobs."  They nodded.  Xander handed him the spare box of bullets too.  "Thank you.  All of you be safe.  We'll see you at dawn."  They nodded and headed down into the underground highway.  Within an hour his buddy Ian Edgerton showed up.  Don waved him over.  "See the guys down there attacking others?"

Ian stared, taking the scope to look through.  "What's with their faces?"

"Shoot one.  They're not human."

Ian took the gun.  "Are we talking vampires?"

"Yup.  Town's overrun and people want to start moving back soon."  Ian took up the nice sniper spot Xander had created for them.  There were plenty.  They went to dust, which was much nicer than a body.  "We have a team underground right now taking down a lot more."

"I'd rather be up here, thanks," Ian said dryly.  "This isn't a bad gun."

"Belongs to Harris."  He handed him the ammo box, getting a smirk.  "I'm guarding your back and making sure one of them makes it back to the jail in the morning."

"That's fine."   He went back to work.  "Granger with them?"

"Nope.  He asked not to have to go.  Fell down some stairs to get a concussion to make sure of it."

"Nice of him."  He watched.  "We have people running from underground looking scared."

"Only hit the vampires," Don ordered.  "That's all we're allowed to do."

"Got it."  A few of them came up after the fleeing ones and he got them.  The formerly screaming demons all stared and then cheered.  He smiled.  "They're happy."

"They probably think you're Harris.  He's underground."  Ian nodded, shaking his head quickly.  They watched, waited, and let Ian hit the ones who needed it.

At dawn, the team came back up dusty, bloody, and limping for the most part.  Cougar was holding his side.  Roque looked like he needed blood.  Xander was nagging him while holding onto something on his side.  Don called an ambulance for them.  Clay gave him a grateful look.  They found out Xander was barely holding something together when the paramedics tried to get him to move.  They got Roque to the ER with Xander still holding onto his insides.  The others got field treated there by Pooch, who was injured but Buffy helped him and Cougar did his stitches.

Jensen leaned against the side of the car, sliding down it.  He looked at the ladies.  "I'm in awe," he said quietly.  "I've been in some bad shit with these guys.  I've been in insurgent camps, hell I was in Iraq with the team a few months ago.  It was not this bad.  Hat's off, ladies, even Cougar's hat is off to you guys.  Because *damn*."  Faith grinned.  Buffy smiled.  "Is that usual?"

"No, that was apocalypse level of vampy vamps," Buffy admitted.  "Usually I got ten, twelve a night and Xander got a few, Willow floated a stake at a few."

Faith nodded.  "About the same when I was active in town."

Clay patted them both on the shoulders.  "Good work, ladies."  They smiled.  "Let's get you cleaned up too."

Faith looked at him.  "I'm not really into touchy feely shit."

"So?  You still need stitches."  They got them on the car's hood and handled it for them.  The girls relaxed and Buffy was clearly twitchy.  Clay smiled at her.  He was too so they could cure that.  Faith was too but her guard might mind that.

"How bad?" Don asked.

"Seven hundred of over three thousand," Buffy said.  "The local demons only found a thousand of them annoying so they only reported that many.  And one really huge ass demon, which was what got Roque from behind when he was trying to check one of Xander's new injuries."

Ian Edgerton looked over at them, nodding at Cougar, getting a nod back.  "I've gotten about thirty tonight."  They smiled at him.  He got up and put the rifle and ammo can back into the car.  "Hopefully they'll flee?"

Buffy snorted.  "They'd never do that.  I'm not that lucky."  She looked at Faith, then at Clay, then back at Faith, then at the prison guard, who was glaring at them.  "Can she have an hour of calming down time?"

"Maybe," he complained.  "I'm getting paid by the hour."

Faith looked at her.  "B, has your mind gone?  I can calm down all by myself.  They don't really like me to mix and mingle too much because I tend to stop fights by breaking arms."

Buffy hugged her.  "You need better calming down than that."  She gave Clay a look, getting a smirk back.  "Good."  She hopped off the hood and pulled Faith and Clay with her.  "We'll be back."

Pooch and Cougar shook their heads.  "I'd do the same if Jolene was close," Pooch admitted.  He called her.  "I survived."  He walked off talking to her.  She was happy and pouty he wasn't there.

Cougar and Jensen shared a look.  "Go talk sniper stuff with the scary guy," Jensen teased.  "I'm going to start my new rituals of morning prayers that the sun came up."  Cougar smirked but walked over to talk to Ian and Don.  Jensen got a text from Xander.  "Roque's in surgery but the docs said it was a clean slice and pretty easily fixed."  Cougar nodded.  So did Pooch, who passed that on.  "Tell her we need cookies."

"She's got some ready to hand over," Pooch said with a smile.  He stiffened.  "Really?  Hell.  Guys, get in the car.  Jolene's in LA."  They heard Clay bellow and Buffy laugh but Faith squeal.  That was happy sounds.  "I'm driving us back in twenty minutes!" he shouted.  "My wife's in town."

"Coming," Buffy called.  They came out fifteen minutes later redressed and calmer looking.  Buffy smiled at Faith.  "I'll come visit in a few days."  Faith smirked and nodded, getting into the car.  The guard put the cuffs back on and drove her back to the prison.  Buffy looked at the car.  "Do we have the keys?"

"There has not been a car yet that the Pooch cannot hotwire," Pooch said dryly.  "Plus I drove up."  They got in and drove off.

"Roque's easily closed according to Xander," Jensen told Clay.

"Good.  That means less time in the hospital for him."  They drove back and Clay took over the driving duties once they had dropped Pooch off on his wife's doorstep.  Clay dropped everyone else back at Xander's and went to the meeting.  He walked in and saluted the waiting general.  "Sir."

"Your team?" he asked dryly.  "I did expect them."

"Seven hundred vampires."

"How many injuries?"

"Roque.  We've all got minor things.  Pooch's wife flew out to cuddle him so he's with her.  The rest are finishing the clean up."

"I need to talk to them about their options."

Clay called and put his phone on the table on speaker.  "There you go, sir."

"Fine.  What sort of condition is Captain Roque in?"

"Surgery," Xander's voice said.  "About to come out.  The doctor said it was easily closed, it was a clean slice, and didn't do any organ damage."

"That's fine.  Which one are you?"

"Xander.  This is Jensen's phone but he's in the shower and Cougar's in mine.  Give them a few minutes, General Hardiet."

"How do you know me?" he asked dryly.

"You gave me your wife's wedding ring by accident once," Xander said dryly.

"Oh.  You're him."

"Yup.  This team heroically saved me from the douche patrol that was the Initiative recruiting team in Oxnard."

"I heard about that.  Thank you, Mr. Harris."

"Welcome, sir.  Guys, General Hardiet is on the phone," he called.  "Though he's Air Force so I don't know why."

"Sir," Jensen's breathless voice said.  "Cougar's nearly out.  Let me put on clothes.  Clay hates it when I do things in my boxers."

"Jensen, enough," Clay ordered.  He looked at the general.  "I know you're the assistant to the Joint Chief Chairman, sir.  That's why I didn't question."

"Thank you for that knowledge.  A lot of people don't keep track of the higher ups."

"We get passed around so often we need to know who has the authority and who's just trying to bum us for an unauthorized romp," Clay said dryly.  "You'd be surprised how often that happens."  He sat down.

"Okay, Cougar's here too," Jensen said.  "Pooch isn't answering his phone.  Jolene growled."

"That's fine, Corporal."  He went over the options they had at this moment.

***

Clay walked into Roque's hospital room with a candy bar and a smirk.  "We have two days to make a decision on things."

"So we really have about an hour?" Roque guessed.

"Yup.   Xander's going to be up in an hour."

"He'll fuss."

"You bet."  He handed him the candy bar, getting a nod in thanks.  "Do we want to stay Army?"

"It's the only thing I've ever been good at," Roque said before taking a bite.

"We can move to paid commandos."

"Crappy benefits."

"If we stay Army, we're going to have the crap jobs for a while because we proved there was a problem among some of the higher ups.  So more CIA jobs."

Roque grimaced.  "They never go right."  He took another bite and thought.  "What's the consensus?"

"None yet."

"Desires?"

"Jensen hacked Max's stuff and found his off-shore accounts.  So we're all millionaires.  Cougar wants something quiet for a few days but we don't have time for that.  Jensen wants to visit his sister and is pouty that he won't get the chance this trip.  Jolene nearly took the general's head off for pointing out that truth that we'd get the shit jobs."

"He kiss her and go 'that's my baby' again?" Roque joked.  Clay smirked and nodded.  "The general impressed?"

"That she nearly managed it.  I warned him that we were protecting Xander from Wade and the general shuddered.  He remembered hearing about him.  That explained why we're at his house instead of the family homes.  Oh, he called Xander insanely useful."  Roque scowled.  "He suggested we might be able to bring him on ops when we need that drawing power."

"He'd get killed."

"Jensen thought he'd be kidnaped."

"Jensen just hopes he's not the next one so he can win that bet against Pooch," Roque snorted.  He finished his treat and tossed the wrapper onto the bedside table.

"He offered a bunch of non-military ideas.  Like the security companies that work in the Middle East."

"Are you feeling old?" Roque taunted with an evil smirk.

He smirked back.  "No.  I still have a few good battles in me."

"I will once I get out of here."  The nurse came in and scowled at the candy wrapper.  "It's a hero's treat when he's in here."

"Hero?" she snorted.

"Yes, him," Clay said dryly.  "As in highly decorated Army Captain, *Nurse*."  She glared at Clay.  "Why don't you switch for someone who doesn't need a nap?"  She attacked him.  "Huh."

"Clearly not a nurse," Roque said, moving to trip her.  The IV came out because it let him move more freely and he trapped her with Clay against a wall.  Roque and Clay shared a look.  "Did you date?" he demanded.

"No!"

"You killed my father!" she said, struggling.

"If I did, your father deserved it."

"Clay, let the officials handle her," Xander said from the doorway.  "That's the one I was to warn you about."

Clay looked at her then shrugged.  "I've seen prettier and more volatile."  Xander tossed over cuffs.  "You saw her?"

"Yeah, she knocked out two officers outside while I was playing games on Jensen's phone."  He smirked.  "That's theirs and I told their radios they were taken out by a psychotic bitch in nurse's scrubs."  Officers stormed in.  "That's the one I saw knock them out, guys."

They got her from Clay and Roque.  "Any idea why?" they asked, looking at Roque.  "Sir, did she put you in here?"

"Her father's a drug dealer," Clay said.  That's what the information Xander had given them said.  "We're army."  The officers nodded and walked her off struggling and kicking.  "She was slightly pretty at least."  Roque hauled off and hit him.  "Ow!  Bitch!"

Roque got back into bed.  He stared at Xander, who handed him a bag from a burger place.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  You need meat to replace the blood."  He took a quick kiss after glancing outside.  "Did you rip anything?"

"No.  I'm good."  Xander turned off the IV and put the needle back on the pole.  Clay went to tell a nurse.  Xander handed him a card.  "Who?"

"Jensen's niece faxed it to him."  He grinned.  "She said it's mean of the bad guys to put you in the hospital and she's sure the others on the team can hurt them really a whole lot for you."  He grinned.  "Especially her Uncle Cougar, who could just shoot 'em."

"She's a little firecracker," he admitted, putting it beside him.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  He grinned back.  "So, I'm told I'm to keep you sedate and on your back for the next three weeks?"  Roque groaned.  "The doctor said you were to be relaxed, not exerting yourself, and you were to be very careful.  So basically he told me I could tie your ass down."  He beamed.

Roque snorted, shaking his head.  "No way in hell."

Xander looked at his side.  "NURSE!" he shouted, bringing one running.  He pointed.  "That's blood from his incision, which had been a vein that got sliced.  That's more than should be and he was just attacked by that crazy chick."

She paged the doctor as she checked, nodding some.  "Let's get you downstairs, Captain."  She put the bag on the sidetable.  "You can have that later.  Just the candy bar and the jell-o earlier?" she asked as she and Xander got the bed moving.  "What happened to your IV?"

"I pulled it because she was attacking," Roque said, glaring at Xander.

"You die, I'm having someone bring you back so I can yell."

"Fine, whatever.  Thank you."  Xander smiled and waved.  The doctor came running to check.  He was heading back to surgery and the doctor was cutting some of his stitches on the way to make sure the vein hadn't burst open again.  Because if it had he wouldn't make it to surgery.  He'd bleed to death in the elevator.  He weakly waved at Clay as they passed him by.

Clay walked into the room, taking the bag.  "We'll get him a fresh one in a few hours."  Xander nodded.  They went to wait in the surgical waiting area.  It wasn't a long one this time either.  Just a popped stitch on the interior muscles that had torn a bit of tissue thankfully.  Xander updated Jensen and went to get him a fresh burger once he was out of recovery.  That was a full day for them.  Xander and Clay went home to collapse on the couch and nap right there.

***

Clay looked at the new general the next day.  It had been turned over to one of the higher Army ones.  "Roque popped an internal stitch when that guy in Bolivia's daughter attacked."

"I heard.  Is he going to be all right?"

"Yup.  Xander threatened to have him turned into a vampire if he nearly died again.  He's real motivated not to do that in LA now."

The general snorted.  "Vampires?"

"Yes, sir, as we found out that's why there was such a high death rate in Sunnydale.  That's where we all got injured."  The general stared at him.  Clay moved his shirt sleeve to show a bite mark.  "We were helping weed out the ones that grew up since it sank so people could move back in."

"How many were there?"

"More than four times the amount we killed."

"Which was...."

"We, the whole group, got seven hundred and thirty-two counting the sniped ones an FBI sniper got watching our backs."

The general stared at him.  "Seriously?"

"Yup."  Clay took off his t-shirt to show off all the new bites, scratches, and claw marks.  The general moaned, shaking his head.  "That's one reason why the army had a totally illegal program there, which was what ended up sinking the town.  Since I heard they were into torture for fun and science, not a huge loss."  He put back on his shirt.

The general stared at him.  "That's insane."

"Yes, sir.  Which is why we got asked for help."  The general snorted.  "The team hasn't reached a full consensus.  We'd like some calm time instead of paranoid, looking over our shoulders time like we've had in LA since that happened, waiting for CIA people or someone to show up."

"They did."

"They did and we handled it without letting anyone know."  Which sucked because Xander had only told them that this morning when Jensen was wondering why they hadn't shown up.  "Captain Roque's going to require at least another few days in the hospital and he's off for three weeks after that to make sure the vein heals fully."  The general nodded.  "We don't mind being army and we realize we'll be getting shit jobs for years."

"That arms dealer?  Who shot his plane?"

"Someone local.  That's all the FBI told me."  Which wasn't a lie.

"Interesting."  He stared at him.  "We can arrange for you guys to be on medical stand-down.  Not like we can give you a quick replacement for your second-in-command."  Clay smiled.  "That would hopefully keep your transportation expert's wife from being pissed off."

"Sir, she just had a baby recently."

"Congratulate him for me, Colonel.  Go home, relax, report back to Bragg in four weeks.  By then I'm sure we'd have something in the crapper for you."

Clay smirked.  "We never expect anything better, sir.  They don't like us enough to give us sweet jobs."

"No, they never have."  He left, going to tell his bosses that.  They were at least realistic.  Plus look up that closed project.  Maybe it needed restarted?

Too bad his helicopter to the local base for his flight back got shot down by Wade.

***

Xander walked into the San Diego base commander's office, smiling at him.  "I know who shot down the general's helicopter.  A few of my less than savory contacts told me it was someone who hated that team."

"Who are you, sir?"

"Xander Harris."  The guy looked him up.  Then stared at him oddly.  Xander looked at the monitor and snorted.  "That was a long time ago.  I'm out of practice.  They've been at my house helping me stay away from a Canadian former commando named Wade, who was in the employ of the arms dealer who got blown up at the airport.  Which was who fired on the helicopter.  He hates that team a lot."

"Where is he?  Do you have any idea?"

"He's about to be in the morgue because I'm going to kill his ass.  He's stalking me," he said dryly.  "The whole team beat his ass recently to make him leave me alone and he did it anyway to piss off the team."

"I see.  Can you corroborate that?"

Xander handed over the folded papers from his back pocket.  "Emails to his minion to bring him something large."

He read it and nodded.  "Where is he now?"

"In Mercy.  In psych no less.  He had himself checked in that day and was up for some air supposedly."

"Ah.  That would throw off suspicion or keep him out of jail."  Xander smiled and nodded.  "Why does he want you?"  Xander pointed at the monitor.  "Oh, I see.  Are you...."

"I believe you're not supposed to ask those questions and I'm not military," he said dryly.  "Even if I have a whole harem, it wouldn't really matter.  I don't want anything to do with that one.  If you guys don't arrest him, I'll gladly deal with him, but according to the news you guys really wanted him badly.  So I thought I'd be nice and charitable by giving him to you as a present."  He smiled.  "If you don't want it, regift and I'll have him handled."  He left.

The base's commander called his higher ups.  "We got handed who it was."  He read the email.  They said they'd investigate.  "The person who handed it over said he'd handle it if we didn't because the guy is stalking him."  He hung up and looked up that name.  He sent that to the man he had called.  Who sent back a shudder.

***

Three days later, Xander was watching the hospital's psych unit.  Nothing was done.  Justice was being cranked.  The military had failed.  He checked his scope.  Wade was up and pacing, muttering about needing a drink by what his lips said.  Xander got him when he turned.  The red splotch that bloomed across his crotch was very nice.  They might even get to save his life since Mercy was a full hospital.  Xander dumped that gun through some gang members he had met after making sure it was clean and didn't have a single fingerprint or spot of DNA on it.  Then he went to get some ice cream and home.

***

Jensen walked into ICU with a cactus and a smile.  "I'm just checking on someone for family."  They were tired and overworked so they let him.  He put the cactus down.  "Xander said if you ever come near him again, use this as a sex toy."  He smiled.  "So, Stumpy, how's it hanging?"  He left.

Wade growled.  "I'll get that sniper yet.  There's other ones that will get him for me."  He looked at the cactus.  He liked to use them during torture.  The quills ripped nice holes when they were removed.  He carefully plucked the card off it and looked at it.  "It wasn't Cougar," he read.  "Huh."  He considered things.  Xander wasn't that exact.  Or supposedly wasn't.

Maybe Xander was dangerous enough to be his wife instead of his lap candy boy.  Interesting.  He liked the ones that fought back.  Thankfully it had only damaged his penis but they had been able to fix most of the damage.  He had a scar, a large dent that they said they could later fill in with a fat injection, and a really pissed off happy mood.  Even when the MP's showed up to arrest him with the agents, he was still in a happy mood.

Xander was definitely wife material.

Maybe for fun he'd take that hacker too since he had gotten a few of Max's accounts.   He looked like he'd be fun to play with.

***

Pooch stared at Xander a few days later.  "Who made that shot for you?" he asked quietly.

Xander looked at him.  "No comment," he said.  He went back to his puzzle.  "I have to hit work right after I bring Roque back here.  Aren't you supposed to be with the wife and son, Pooch?"

"She's napping on my bed and he's learning to cuddle like a pro."

Xander grinned.  "Babies and kids scare the shit out of me, but hey, you're going to be a good dad.  You've already got the scowl down."  Clay walked in and he went back to the puzzle.  "Let me finish this then I'll put on clothes so we can pick up Roque."

"I already did.  He's limping in."

"Okay."  He smiled at Roque.  "Hi.  I can baby you until I have to go to work."

"Who shot Wade?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Rumors state you're becoming an underworld power," Jensen quipped.

"If I am, I wouldn't be bouncing at a club."  Xander got up and helped Roque onto his warm spot, getting him a blanket, a pillow, and a beer.  That made his boy happier and Xander went to get dressed for work.

Clay stared at Xander's back then at Jensen, who pointed.  "He might want you more for that."

"If he does then he's sicker than you said," Xander called back.

"It was a nice shot," Cougar admitted from his seat.

"Didn't take it fully off but it created a hell of a lot of damage," Jensen agreed.  "His medical records say that they think he might now be deflated for good."  He looked up.  "He has a five inch scar that may need some filling in with fat from his thighs or ass to make it look more normal and healthy.  The bullet lodged in his pubic mound.  If he had used a higher caliber it'd be gone.  So would Wade probably."

"Anything else to note?" Clay asked dryly.

"Yeah, when they arrested him, he was musing how nice a wife Xander would make.  He's moved from boytoy and arm jewelry to wife material."

"We'll kill him next time," Roque said dryly, sipping his beer.  Xander came out and gave him a deep kiss.  "He wants you more now."

"He can't have me and he doesn't work anyway so I'd just laugh."  He took another kiss.  "Rest, watch tv, listen to Buffy jump Clay when she shows up later."  He left, going to work.

Roque shook his head.  "Sometimes I worry he's more crazy than I am."  He finished his beer and smiled.  "That was needed."

"Your pain killers are already filled, "Clay told him.  He helped him up and into bed.  Xander could tie him down later.  He had promised to if Roque didn't rest.  That was something they wanted to see.  Roque took a nap, which his injury prompted as well as the sedative in the beer, and they all got to relax for a bit.

***

Roque woke up to someone sitting next to him on the bed.  He stared at the baby.  "Hi, baby Pooch."  Jolene smiled.  "He's hefty."

"They're like that."  She smirked at him.  "So, Xander seems nice enough but a bit insane."

"He's a nice kid," he assured her quietly.

"I know.  We've talked a few times.  He's a very nice boy.  You had better not hurt him."

Roque smirked.  "Is he a relative now?"

"No but apparently no one he knows will give you this talk."  She stared at him.  "Remember, I tamed Pooch.  I can beat your ass even if I do have to ambush you.  The baby will cheer me on since he's his daddy's boy."  She smirked.  "Now, how about some dinner?"

"I could use something.  They fed me mush."  She handed over the macaroni and cheese, homemade and baked style, and fish.  "Better than the mush," he decided.  He dug in, smiling at her.  "Just don't whip out a tit to feed him."

She swatted him.  "I'd never do that in front of any of you but Cougar.  You'd all want a taste."  She got up and took the baby to the living room.  She found a black man she didn't know.  "Relative of one of the boys?" she asked dryly.

"Gunn.  I work with Angel and sometimes Xander.  He said to meet him here later?  Any idea why?"

"He's at work for the next thirty," Clay said.  Gunn nodded, heading for the kitchen.  They stared.

"Yeah, I respect the kid.  And I brought Buffy since she shouldn't drive.  She drives like a teenage girl."  Buffy bounced in.  "Your mom good?"

"I was talking with Willow but Mom's just fine."  She smiled.  "Willow's starting at UCLA or UC Hellmouth this December.  She said Oxford's boring."

"Probably since they created stuffy people like English and Giles."  He sipped his milk.  "Xander's not back yet."

"I called, he's on his way.  Traffic's messed up near Alameda again."

"As usual," he quipped back.  He shook his head.  Xander walked in and slammed the door.  "Bad night, princess?"

"Slightly since I got to break up the three demons who came in, got drunk, started a fight, and ate two people."  He looked at Buffy, who was snickering.  "Not why I called, no.  I found out more about the invasion."

"Invasion?" Gunn demanded dryly.  "When is this?"

"Three years," Buffy said.

"Next year.  They moved it up."  Xander stared at her.  "Part of the favorite law firm and a few other higher ups."

She shuddered.  "Ooh."

"Including a general."

"Bad," she said.

"A leading judge."

"Kinda bad."

"And a Vice President of another country."  She groaned, shaking her head.  "They need a human sacrifice soon.  They're looking at the group for it.  From what I heard, they were thinking Fred, which was why I called Gunn, or one of us from the Sunnydale group.  Oz is safe, mostly."

"Willow's coming back in December.  When do they need one?"

"She's already in town.  On a magic high, which is why I'm pissed off.  She showed up at the bar to tell me I was normal and I shouldn't be doing that."

"I talked to her earlier."

"She was at the bar an hour ago unless her vamp twin returned and quit wearing leather."

"Shoot," she muttered.  "How?"

"No clue."

"Damn it!"  She stamped a foot.  "So... is she still on our side?" she asked quietly.  He lit the candle so no one could scry.  "That's handy."

"Anti-scrying herbs in the wax."  He looked at her.  "I don't know.  I think she's a bit scary with it."

"So...."  He nodded.  "Well, I heard rumors that there was a big time witch going junkie," she admitted.  Xander nodded.  "Think we should chat?"

"No, I think she's here."  He pointed at the lit up sign above the door.  "Security system says a powerful witch."  The door was knocked on.  He grinned.  "She's tracking you."

"We're best friends," she agreed, giving Clay a look.  He nodded.  Jolene took the baby back to where Roque was.  They'd be protected.

Buffy opened the door.  "I thought you were in England, woman!"

"I was."  She hugged her.  "Then I decided I felt homesick so I popped around to check on people, finding Xander doing bad things."

"I'm a bouncer.  I'm supposed to break up fights," he said dryly.  She snorted, glaring at him.  "You can get out of my house if you keep it up.  I have zero patience after earlier."

"Yours?" she said dryly.

"Yeah, mine."  He smirked.  "All mine.  I own it."  She glared at him.  He stared back.

"Have you seen Giles yet?  He might like to talk to someone else who was in England," Buffy asked to divert her attention before she did something stupid.

"No, not yet.  He wasn't home."  She walked in and looked around then gave Xander another dirty look.  "This is really nice."

"It was really cheap.  I traded up with someone who wanted to use my last one for something."  He shrugged and went into the kitchen, which was handily by the panty, which had a door that opened toward the living room.  He and Gunn shared a quick look and Xander glanced at the pantry.

"I can tell Wes you're in too.  He might like a taste of home that wasn't Giles," Gunn said, calling him.  For some reason his phone shorted out.  "Huh, I know I charged that."

Xander handed over his with a grin.  "Jensen got me an unlimited plan for cheap."  He shifted so his knives were closer to where Gunn was.  That phone shorted out.  "I know it was charged.  I always have it charged for work in case I need to call an ambulance."  He looked at it, turning it off and back on.  Yup, it had a charge.  He pushed the button, which was always on silent.  He saw the call connect.  "So, Willow, why the early trip back?  Don't you have tests and classes for the next few days since it's spring?"

"We're on spring break."  She smiled.  "Did Buffy tell you I'm transferring back in December?"

"She just did when I came in," Xander told her.  "Clay, did you guys eat dinner?"

"Jolene cooked.  Your plate's in the fridge."

"Jolene?" Willow asked.  "Girlfriend, Xander?"

"No, Pooch's wife," he said with a point.  "My boyfriend's resting in the bedroom after surgery."  He smiled.  "They're getting downtime so she showed up for some husband time."

Willow stared at him.  "Boyfriend?" she asked dryly.

"Yeah."  He grinned.  "I even taught him how to cuddle better."  He looked in the fridge.  "Real food?  Wow.  No hot peppers, right, Pooch?"

"She would not let him touch the dinner," Clay said .  "She knows not to let him do that to us."

"I learned."  He shut the door.  "I'll eat later.  I need to stretch out before I cramp up after the fight earlier."

"It wasn't much of a fight," Willow said.  "Clearly something you could handle."

He stared at her then at Jensen, who had his back most of the time.  Jensen coughed.  "Willow, a few weeks back he took down part of a street gang trying to rob the bar," he said dryly.  "Xander still needs some fight training but he's not that bad.  Even on our standards."  She snorted, shaking her head.

"He's actually very decent," Clay agreed.  "If he wanted to go military I could easily get him into Ranger training."  Buffy stared at him.  He nodded.  "We had to go Ranger and then go further," he admitted with a smile.  "I don't think he can do that but I can see him doing Ranger."

Xander grinned.  "Thanks but I suck at following stupid orders.  I'd end up fighting back at the wrong time when an order made no sense."

"Yeah, we have too," Clay said dryly.  "Or I'd have a higher rank."  Cougar laughed and nodded.  "We all would.  But it got the job done."

Xander nodded.   "I've had that feeling."  He got a soda and took a drink.

"Why are you drinking diet?" Buffy asked.

"Because this is LA."  He took another drink.  "I got infected by it at the club."  She smirked at him.  "I made good money until the one psycho put them to sleep for a few hours to get me."

"Figures you dated another bad girl," Willow snorted.

"No.  He's Canadian Special Forces," Xander told her.  She gaped.  "He's in the hospital right now."  He took another drink, getting Gunn a can.  "One of the few regular ones."  Gunn smirked at him.  "Clay insisted."

Buffy nodded.  "I would too.  I work off way too many calories most of the time to worry about my diet.  It's amazing, you go overseas and the women don't always shave, and they don't worry about their weight because a bit of pudge means that the winters are easier and healthier.  They have whole other standards of beauty.  It's amazing.  I felt really out of place in Cambodia being blonde."

Clay nodded.  "It's been a few years since I was in that part of the world.  I always felt too tall."

She smiled.  "Thankfully I'm compact but powerful."  He smirked back.  She grinned at Willow.  "Clay's a really good fighter.  We sparred a few times."

"Uh-huh.  Why are you hanging out with a bunch of military guys, Xander?" Willow asked.

"My boyfriend's friends with them."

"Oh.  So that nasty law....."

"Doesn't apply," he said dryly, staring at her.  "And if you should try to make it apply, I'd kill you."  He smiled sweetly.  She snorted again.  He calmly put a knife on the counter.  She glared.  He smiled again.  "You're being bitchy in my house, Willow.  I don't do it in yours."  She glared.  He stared back.  Roque walked out.  "You should be in bed."

"I know.  I needed some water."  He walked around her and got a bottle out of the fridge to drink, looking at the redhead.  "Rosenburg."   He opened it, taking a drink.  "Bad night at work?"

Xander nodded.  "Yup.  Three demons came in to get drunk and ate a few people.  But the doctor said you're supposed to be staying calm while you heal."  He smiled.

Roque shrugged.  "I can be calm.  Sometimes."

"We'll see later."  Roque nodded and went back to bed.  Now that he knew the threat, he could find someone to help them deal with it.  Xander grinned at the horrified looking Willow.  "Boyfriend yes.  He's very good to me.  I even let him talk me into special sex for my birthday."  Clay coughed, shaking his head.

Buffy waved a hand.  "You would not believe what I saw when I had to hunt a master vampire in Thailand."

"Yes I would," Clay admitted.

She smiled.  "You've been there?"  He nodded.  "Wow.  Did you get sucked in?"

"No, we were on duty," Jensen told her dryly.  "No sucking or fun on duty."  She laughed.  "They try to take you?"

"Once.  And someone tried to talk me into taking a package back to the US for him.  So I said I would and went to the police station.  They were more than happy to hear that and I got his picture in my phone as his ringtone."  She smirked.  "Not a bit of a problem at all.  They nicely got him at the airport and all that."

"Even better," Clay agreed.  "Nice thinking."  She grinned.  "Upper or lower?"

"Somewhere the trees were bigger than the houses and I had no idea what part of the country I was in.  The local Watcher guy brought me out there.  Then I told his girl about free will and thinking for herself and how friends had helped me so much.  He hated the hell out of that.  I even answered dating questions because she was thirteen and wondering."

"That makes you a good big sister slayer," Xander said with a grin.  "I'm sure the girl, if she's called, will have a much easier time."

"Hopefully."  She smiled at Willow.  "All the traveling was really good for me.  There's actually watchers who fought worse than Xander did in our first year."

"Actually, Rupert's one of them," Clay said.  "He can barely street brawl."

"It takes a lot to provoke the Ripper response," Buffy agreed.  "Usually chaos mages."

"Saw him recently," Xander told her.  She stared at him.  He nodded.  "I kindly escorted him to the airport and suggested he leave because everyone was going to have a bad mood on him.  And I called Giles while I gave him the 'go away and don't come back' speech."

"Wow.  He didn't say that."

"He didn't have to bitch at Ethan at all."  He grinned.  "He scowled at me for that part.  I gave him the name of a fight club if he wanted it."  Buffy laughed.  "It's nice.  I've earned some extra money there now and then."  He shrugged.  He stretched.  "Ow.  Waited too long."  Gunn helped him.  "Thanks, Gunn."

"Welcome, white boy."  He looked at him.  "Your boy scared half of the street gang the other day when he was scowling at his gun."

"Someone splashed him with mud and it got mud on it?" Xander guessed.  Gunn nodded.   "He takes very good care of his guns but his knives are his babies."

"It's good you two weapons nuts understand each other," Buffy quipped.

"Yup, sure do," Xander agreed happily.

"So that makes one girlfriend, a bunch of bad girls who wanted you, and one boyfriend," Buffy said.  "Right?"

"Yup.  Just him."

"It's nice to see someone's settling down within the group."

"Cordy and Doyle are back at the 'not staring at you' stage," Xander told her.

"I saw.   It's nice he handles her snark so well."  She grinned at him.  He smiled back.  "And nice to see Gunn and Fred happy too."

Xander nodded.  "Definitely.  Fred deserves it after all that stuff.  J, if you ever get taken to a demon realm that has no music and they call you a cow, it's because they took you as a slave.  Not a crack on your weight."

"I'll keep that in mind," he quipped.

"Things like that only happen to you," Clay said.  "I've talked to Fred about that.  Well, I walked in while she was talking about it and let her babble at me about it because she clearly needed to get it out and we might have to rescue him from there some day."

Willow shook her head.  "You guys are all acting like this is nothing to you."

"It's not," Clay said with a shrug.  "So there's demons.  So what?  I'm not going to freak out about more peaceful people.  Even if some of them do eat cats.  I can do without the vampires....."

"Amen," Buffy muttered.  "But hey, we got over seven hundred with the sniper guy helping."

Clay nodded.  "I was really happy with our count and that we did save that creche."  She smiled at him.  "Pooch's son is still cuter."

"No!  The baby with the little purple tentacles that kept waving them at you was *so* adorable," Buffy cooed.  "All tiny and cooing and waving.  Thankfully I can't have kids."  Gunn stared at her.  "I can't do that with the calling, Gunn.  I had the little sticks put in my arm and I make doubly sure by taking the every three month shot because it takes care of my cycle too.   I hated drawing vamps those months."  She shrugged, looking at Willow.  "It's really handy.  I haven't had a cycle in a year."

"We talk about that in front of guys?" Willow asked.

"Yes, because I'm still a guy and you both told me all together too much about those sort of things," Xander said.

"Is that why you have a boyfriend?"

"No, it's because he's a nice guy underneath the growl and scars," Buffy said firmly.  "Leave Xander alone about his boyfriend, Willow.  I like that he's finally got someone supportive who can back him up if he needs it.  He even helped when the super psycho guy tried to court Xander.  He beat the crap out of the guy for him but Xander just handed him a beer, gave him a kiss, and went to work."

"And then later *someone* shot him in the dick for trying more things," Jensen quipped.  "Pity they used a small caliber rifle."

"I'm guessing that's what was in the closet?" Buffy said, looking at Clay.

"Not me.  I would've used a larger caliber and made sure he died from all the blood loss."  Cougar nodded he'd do the same.  "Though yeah, it's what was in the closet."

Buffy nodded.  "Sometimes you gotta use what you have."  She looked at Willow, who was giving her a horrified look.  "I ran into demons that not even artillery would puncture."

"Water demons?" Xander guessed.  She nodded.  "Salt."

"I got told that by that Watcher.  It's his speciality."

"Something is clearly not right here," Willow said.  "You two aren't like this."

Xander looked at her.  "You haven't written in over a year, Willow.   Yes, we grew up.  Buffy learned to appreciate people and about a lot of different ways when she was off hunting overseas.  I learned a lot more about people."  He shrugged.  "Didn't you change at Oxford?"

"But...but... you're not gay," she said.  "Buffy's not being happy."

"I'm fully happy," Buffy assured her.  "I could use some sex, but otherwise I'm fully happy.  Mom's good.  Giles is good.  No one got seriously hurt the other night when we went to clean out some of the vamps in Sunnydale.  I'm all together good.  Faith and I even talked a lot and got some stuff straightened out and we're good again.  Speaking of, Xander, are you going up to visit?"

"I try to each time but I missed last time.  I can drive you."  Buffy smiled.  "Did you like naturally driving on the wrong side of the road?"

"Yup, I pretended I was home and there weren't any demons on the sidewalks," she quipped.  "I so needed a driver on the trip."

"It was probably part of a Watchers' job description," Gunn said dryly.

"Probably," she agreed happily with a smile for him.  "You need to bum Xander's sedan.  It's a very smooth ride."

"It was a reward for taking down an arms dealer," Xander quipped with a grin.

"It's a very sweet ride," Clay agreed.  Buffy smiled at him and winked.  He smirked back.

"This is so wrong!" Willow shouted and started to pull power.  Gunn threw the unopened can of soda at her, making her shriek and flail.  "What was that?"

"No magic in my house," Xander said.  "He knows that rule."  He stared at her.  "Stop it."

"You're not... you're being brainwashed."

"Getting really good blowjobs and my ass plowed now and then does not lead to brainwashing, Willow.  I waited a long time before deciding to let any guy try stuff and found a growly one that suited me.  Why are you so down with that?"

"He's not your type," she sneered.

"He's plenty dangerous when he needs to be," Clay said dryly.  "He's just more sane than most of his past ones."

"You know, he and Anya had a talk," Xander told Buffy, who cackled.  "Yeah.  He said he realized now why I missed oral sex on women."  He shook his head.  Willow tried to blast him with something.  So he shot her in the leg.  She screamed and fell down crying.  Xander looked at Gunn.

He put the phone next to his ear.  "Angel, we need someone who can undo Willow.  She's seriously broken."  He hung up.  Xander tossed Jensen his phone.  Jensen smirked at him.  "You had a missed call when he handed it to me," Gunn told him.

"Thanks."  He looked.  "My sister."  He called her, walking off to get away from the wailing.  LAPD showed up before they could call anyone.

"She tried to hurt Xander for having a boyfriend.  Apparently she thought they hadn't changed any after her year in Oxford," Clay told him.  "He was keeping her from trying to hurt him."

The officer nodded.  "That's fine, sir.  Miss, are you going to press charges?"

"They're both so wrong and the military guys are leading them to evil.  The Goddess would be upset if I didn't fix them," she sobbed.

Xander looked at Buffy, who shrugged.  "We can treat that.  It's only a graze," he said.  "Maybe we can get her back to normal since she claimed she was in England earlier."  The officer gave him a strange look.  Xander shrugged.  "We can.  I'm a bouncer.  I've had worse than that."

"Maybe she should have a quiet weekend in UCLA?" the officer offered.

Xander and Buffy shared a look then Buffy nodded.  "Yeah, that could help but warn them her parents were lecturing shrinks?"

"You can tell the ambulance guys."  He called that in.  They got there a few minutes later and loaded her.  Buffy pulled one aside to talk to them about her and what had happened.  The officer gave his report.   They made notes for the later shrinks to deal with and took her away to bandage her leg.  The officer finished his report and left too.

Xander cleaned up the small mess then looked at her.  "Are we visiting?"

"Let her calm down.  We'll visit in 2 days."  Xander nodded.  "My phone beeps when I dial."

"You can turn off the key noise on most of them," he assured her.

Jensen took her phone and did that for her, making he grin at his back when he walked off chatting.  "Wow.  Major helpful geek."  She looked at Clay.  "If he was a bit older, I might have to tempt myself."  He smirked at her.  "But he's much too young for me.  Older men always know better about a woman's body."

"You'd think," Xander said dryly.  "Some still suck at fifty and sixty."

"No, that's tragically old."  Clay took her to his bedroom to calm her down.  Like she had hinted.

Xander popped his neck, looking at Gunn.  "Do we think we can work on the problem for the invasion or should we just plan for the invasion?"

"I'd like to think we could stop them.  Let us talk about it."  Xander nodded.  Gunn left, heading back to the Hyperion to talk to the others.

Xander finished stretching.  "Let me go destress too.  I'll try to keep him quiet when I tie him down since the doctor said he was to lay on his back and be quiet and restful."  He headed for the bedroom.  He paused, staring at the baby and Jolene resting against Roque's side.  "Aww," he said with a grin.  Roque scowled at him.  Xander went to get Pooch, who took a picture but took the baby to change and then came back for his wife.  He wanted some wifely attention too.  Xander leaned down to kiss him.  "The doctor said you weren't to be active.  So it's your choice: you can only get a blow job or I can tie you down."

Roque stared at him.  "I don't like being tied down."

"Neither do I.  So just a blowjob tonight?"

Roque snorted.  "I'll be fine."

"I do not want to tempt that to break open again.  I didn't like the last time we had to do the ride to the hospital with me pinching it shut thing."  He stared at him.  "That's your only choice for tonight.  Next week you can have more participation."

"Fine.  Tie me down," he smirked.  "Do your worst."

"Not probably that bad."  He got things and tied Roque down then stripped off and climbed up to kiss him.  He was very careful of his side.  Roque was happy with what he was doing to wear out his own stress.

"Xander, cops are back!" Buffy called.  "The lights interrupted."

"Thanks for the warning."  He took another kiss and walked out there.  "Yes, Officer?"

"We have two demons trying to get into City Hall and that Angel guy is out somewhere he can't be found.  Can you...."

"Definitely.  Describe them."  The officer did.  "Someone load me some silver tipped."  He went to put back on his clothes.  "Keep it warm, dear.  I'll be right back.  Two demons trying to eat the mayor."  He took the gun Cougar handed him and let the cops take him to City Hall.  The demons were screwing and biting at the building.  "Guys, not a snack.  The people of the city will get pissed if they have to replace the building for biting it to death."   He got them broken up and found the name of a stone quarry with one of the officer's help.

They were happier because no one would interrupt or watch them out there.  Of course, vampires attacked.  Including one of the officers.  Xander staked them and looked at the officer once he had knocked him down.  He looked a this partner, who was giving him a horrified look.  Xander got off him.  "I don't want to deal with that issue," he told him.  "He's your partner, you handle it however.  Angel knows how to be one and not hunt if you ask him."  That officer nodded slowly.  "Can I get a ride home?"

"Sir, you attacked peaceful citizens."

Xander stared at him.  "Is this really the best plan you can think up?" he said dryly.  The vampire officer popped up and opened his cuffs.  Xander stared at him.  "It won't work."  He pointed.  The mayor coughed.  The officers stared.  "Sir, the two that were nibbling for a beddy-by snack are at a quarry."

"That's fine.  It's much nicer than watching them procreate on the stairs, Mr. Harris."  Xander stared at him.  "Of course I know.  I know the names of the whole little group.  Not that I mind.  It keeps things quiet around here.  We don't need demon problems on top of gang problems."  He stared at the intense young man.  "Go home."

"They gave me a ride."  He got a cab and headed off.

The mayor stared at them.  "Whose bright idea was this?"  The vampire officer raised his hand.  "You idiot.  The slayer would bring his boyfriend to destroy everyone.  Not to mention the one that wants him instead of his boyfriend."  He stared at him.  "Quit and flee the city."  He stomped off.  His partner followed.  The mayor told the head of the department their names so he could make sure of it and why

Xander got home and shut the door, putting the gun back.  "It was a plot by one of the officers who was a vamp."  He went to wear himself out on Roque's body.  Roque would appreciate that nap inducing sex and he needed to clear his head.

Jensen and Cougar shared a look.  That figured in a lot of ways they silently decided.

***

Buffy walked into the bar and looked around.  "What was it and who was behind it?" she asked.

"The vamps were going to turn him and use him to bait you," one of the demons called without looking.  "You're too big of a pain in the ass of Wolfram and Hart."

"After all the plots I stopped I'm not?" Xander joked as he walked in.

"Yup but they think you have more potential by being turned and coming to their side."

Xander shook his head.  "I'd kill them all."  The demons laughed.  "Cordy had a wishverse and I was a badass vamp there," he quipped with a grin.  They all moaned.  "That's where that extra Willow came from that time.  I had turned her so we could both treat Angel like a fun toy."  That got a happier sounding moan.  He smirked at one.  "They moved the invasion up?"  That one sighed and told Buffy and Xander all that he knew about that.  They took good notes to pass on before going to see Willow.

Willow's mother sneered at Xander.  "You shot her in the leg?"

"She was attacking me because I dared to be happy by having a boyfriend."

"You should be corrected for that," she sneered.

"Fuck you, bitch.  You were never home and you left Willow to raise herself into that insecure, bitchy girl in there.  You and your husband were gone so often Willow couldn't even pinpoint your country.  The last time you saw your daughter in person you tried to burn her at a stake.  Such great role models for those books you write about how to raise kids."  The nurse pulled them apart.

"I don't want him visiting my daughter," she demanded.

Willow came out of her room.  "I don't want to see my parents," she said.  "I don't care about anything else but I'm not talking to my parents."  The shrink came out to back her up.  "Please make them leave," she told the shrink.

"Mr. and Mrs. Rosenburg, your daughter is competent to make that decision.  She just needed some calming down and reflecting time really.  Not a full committal."  They stomped off glaring at Xander.  The shrink looked at him.  "Not everyone will...."

"Shut up," Xander told him.  "I don't want to hear your shit either.  I'm only here as a courtesy to let her know that someone wants to kill her.  We heard it earlier."

Buffy nodded, letting Willow have the notes.  Willow grimaced.  "Maybe coming back was a bad idea."

"Maybe the 'I'm always right thinking' was the bad idea," Buffy told her gently.  "You turned into your mother."  Willow shuddered.  Xander nodded to back her up.  "If Xander's happy, then I'm all for it since his last few girlfriends tried to kill him," she told the shrink.  "Just because you're a judgmental ass doesn't mean anything."

"She really could use supportive friends," the shrink said firmly.

"We are.  Just as soon as she agrees she can't control our lives," Xander said.  "That her own biases got in the way of her vision and that's why she attacked."

Willow looked at him.  "He's black."

"So?"

"He's scarred.  Has that huge one."

"Beauty is more than skin deep," Buffy said.

"Xander doesn't need someone like that," she complained.

Xander stared at her.  "Why wouldn't I need someone who understood what I've been doing for years, how hard the job is, and that I'm actually not all that bad in my own right?"  Willow gaped.  "Yeah, you added back in that touch of 'you're normal' again."  He stared at her.  "We're waiting on this side of grown up for you, Willow.  It's time to see people for who they are and what they can really do, not your bias about how the world should be."

"Enough," the shrink said.  Xander glared at him and he backed down.  "I'll have you banned from up here."

"Please do," he said dryly.  "That way I don't have to deal with people like you."  He looked at her.  "Up to you totally."

She considered that.  "You two have changed a lot," she said.

They nodded.  "Yeah, I've traveled to some of the backwoodiest places on this planet," Buffy said.  "That does change the way you view things.  I don't even want to shop right now.  After seeing people starving, worrying about a new shirt became really weak of me."

Xander nodded.  "I've seen some of the worst humanity can do to itself, Willow.  It makes you grow up."

She nodded.  "It's still not right.  You're not like that, Xander, and he's brainwashing you to like military things and think that you're better than you are."

Buffy stared at her.  "Willow, looking back, every time we did that, Xander saved our butts.  We asked him to some of those times and then put him down for being a guy."  Willow gaped.  "He's just as normal as Giles is, only with different training."

Xander nodded.  "Yup.  Thank you," he told her.

She punched him on the arm.  "You're still inferior for being a male."

"Of course I am," he said dryly, smirking at her.  He smiled at Willow.  "It's up to you to let that petty shit go.  We still like you as a friend and all that but I'll be damned if I'm going to let you attack me or my boyfriend.  I went through years of hell and needed someone like him at my back.  Now that I have him, I'm pretty secure in the knowledge that I have him and that I deserve him for putting up with you two as teenage girls."

Buffy snickered.  "I was a pretty shallow thing, even after all that."  She looked at Willow.  "We'd love to have our Willow friend back.  I kinda missed having you with me all the time.  It would've been a lot easier.  You could've driven when I messed up.  We could've talked to native women who had a lot of things happier than we have but had a lot less than we do.  You could've seen the one giving birth and they had shunned her for who the baby daddy was.  I helped.  It was gross.  I really could've used you or Xander there to help me then because I had no idea what to do."

"Catch, make sure it's breathing, block and then cut the cord," Xander said bluntly.  "We had a female stripper at one of the clubs I worked at deliver on stage.  She hadn't called off because she needed the paycheck and thought it was false contractions until her water broke and EMS couldn't get there for an hour."

Buffy smiled.  "I'll keep that in mind for the next time."

"I have that textbook at home to study in case I needed it.  I got it after that."  He looked at Willow again, who was staring at him oddly.  "When you're an adult you have to pay the bills somehow, Willow.  That's not the most pleasant way but she wasn't one of the ones that did the back room.  She just needed to provide for herself and her baby.  Buffy could've easily ended up on one when she ran away."

Buffy nodded.  "One of the girls at the shelter suggested it for easy cash.  I freaked out majorly."

Xander nodded.  "My first time too.  Filling in that night was really weird and I froze."  He stared at Willow.  "You're not the Goddess."

"No, you're right, I'm not," she admitted.  She sighed and let the magic go.  That unfroze the shrink and nurses so they could move again.  "I..."

"We'll be here in December too," Xander pointed out.  "And I'm sure they have less judgmental shrinks in England."

"How did you get here?" Buffy asked.  Willow waved a hand.  "Is that healthy?"

"I...  I, um...."

"You saw your power like you saw knowledge when you were younger," Xander said quietly, staring at her.  "You treated it the same way."

She nodded.  "I think I did."  She looked at the shrink.  "Can I have one that's not such an ass?  Or can I go home to think?  I can find one by the college."

"I think you need some more time to reflect on things.  Clearly you're still not clearly thinking if you think God is a female."

"Of course she is.  Women give birth to things," Willow said bluntly.  "Men can't.  That means the Higher Being has to be female.  There might be a piddling, whining male in there somewhere who only wants the sex."

"I always thought he might be more of a poet and hey, hunter Gods," Xander pointed out.

"Good point.  Nature in the natural state is poetry when left alone."  Willow nodded.  "Protective, nagging, a bit confining...  Yeah, sounds like most guys."  She shrugged.  "Thankfully Oz wasn't like that."  She disappeared.

Xander looked at Buffy.  "I call fudge."

"Fudge?" she asked, eyes wide.  "I like fudge."  They walked off.

"How did she do that!" the shrink shouted.

"She's just like that," Xander quipped.  "Though her mother would probably say you had delusions based on your feelings of inadequacy due to how less worthy than ethnic males you are in the bedroom.  But then again she likes Freud so it's all about your dick."  Buffy laughed.  "She did.  She actually tried to Oedipal me once.  Then she met my mother.  She decided I had no desire for her to be anything but normal and switched theories."  They left, going to the tiny, upscale, organic source fudge shop Xander knew and then back to the Hyperion.  He handed Fred and Cordy some, getting dual smiles.  "Willow's back in England.  She's calmed down.  She heard that she's not the Goddess."

Buffy nodded, nibbling on a corner with a moan.  "Oh, damn, Xander.  You know the good spoiling spots."

"Yes I do," he said happily.  "I got extra for Jensen's birthday."  He grinned.  They went over what they knew on the invasion, which helped a lot.  Angel had an idea on how to infiltrate them.  Xander left them alone, going home.  No one was there.  He called Jensen's phone.  "I got you a birthday present.  Should I ship it?"  He smiled.  "That's cool.  It'll be in the fridge in a bag.  Happy birthday!"  He hung up and went to find the tied down Roque Clay had left him.  Roque was scowling so Xander kissed him.

"Fudge?  You were eating fudge?"

"Yup.  I have two whole squares of really excellent, decadent chocolate mint fudge," he said smugly.  He stripped and smirked at his boy.

"Don't hit my side," Roque said.

"I'd never do that, baby."

"And don't channel Pooch either," he grumped.  Xander let him have one of his pain killers so they could go for a while and got happy.  And naughty.  He loved being naughty.

***

Jensen walked in from his birthday dinner with the team and found his bag in the fridge.  "Fudge," he cooed, petting the nice box.  "Oh, so sweet fudge."  Clay was giving him a funny look.  Jensen pulled out the box, showing it was the *large* box.  Cougar let him open it, get three pieces, then he firmly put it back into the refrigerator.  Jensen got to walk off cackling in glee as he moaned at the taste.  "I love you, Xander.  If you give up the scary one, I'm adopting you as mine."

"You'd better not even *think* about it," Roque panted.  "Clay, I need saved!" he called.

Clay leaned in the doorway, seeing Xander smirking at his boyfriend as he rode him.  "Too tired from the injury?" he taunted with an evil smirk.

"No!  It's been three fucking hours and I can't get out of these damn cuffs!" he complained, rattling them.  "Help a teammate out!"  Clay tossed him a lockpick kit Cougar handed him.   Xander even nicely handed it over.   Clay watched Roque try but it wasn't working.  He came in to pick one open for him.  "Be nicer to him, Xander."  He patted him on the head.  "Remember, he's injured."

"I've been very nice.  Nothing too hard, too fast, too strong....."

"Which is probably what drove him nuts," Clay decided, heading out.  Maybe Buffy needed a break.

Roque got the other cuff undone and growled at his boy.  "You're going to pay for that girly, slow, gentle ride shit."  He flipped them over and pounded into his boy's ass until Xander begged him to take off the cockrings he had put them both in earlier.  Roque did his and let Xander come.  But he had some energy left so he was going to use it.  Xander was extra sensitive but he had plans to make his boy give in to him more often.

Roque was finally done and undid his own cockring, coming and nearly falling over.  Xander helped him lay back down on his back.  He was panting and nearly blind from the white-out lights in his eyes.  Xander handed him a can of diet soda and a pain killer.  "I'll do you harder tomorrow."

"Need to keep up your stamina," Xander teased.  He kissed him and finished off the can.  "Now, aren't I fantastic since the doctor said no sex?"

Roque nodded, swallowing.  "A lot of fantastic, even if it was girly and soft."  Xander pinched him on the neck.  "I'll pay you back when I can move."  Xander snuggled in, getting all the cuddling time in he wanted.  Roque couldn't move to get free of his human limpet.  He'd have to pay him back for that in the morning as well.

***

Jolene knocked before opening the door, staring at the two tangled on the bed.  "I never knew you'd cuddle, Roque."  She smiled as she brought in the bed tray Pooch had found for her.

"I don't.  He has me pinned and I'm too tired to move him."  He looked at the food.  "That's all mine, right?"

"That's half yours and if you eat it all, you can have more."  She smiled.  "He's nicely built."  She kissed him on the head and gave Xander the same treatment, making him gasp awake.  "Easy, Xander.  Just me."  He blinked at her.  "Breakfast?"

"I could eat.  I got all sorts of sweaty last night," he said with a grin.

"I know you did, baby boy.  He looks good sweaty.  That's why I make him do the yard work for Pooch."  She handed the trays over.  "If he wants more, I've got more for him.  They all eat like horses."  She left them alone, going to make one for Jensen and Cougar.  Cougar had tied Jensen down after a few hours of bouncing from the sugar.  She'd be feeding Jensen and Xander fudge later to see how they bounced together.  Sure, it was mean but fun to watch and the boys probably wouldn't mind getting too bouncy together.  Even if Roque might growl.  Xander seemed to like him like that though so not a huge problem.

Xander wandered out in boxers, smiling shyly at her.  "He nearly ate me too."

"Did he steal yours?"

"Yes.  Said I was too big and needed to lose weight, that's why I drink diet soda.  I reminded him I got infected by the need for abs from my last job."  She laughed and refilled both plates for him, letting him wander back that way.  Cougar came out shaking his head with the empty plates.  "You should probably let him up, Cougar."

"No.  Not yet."  He went back in there.  Jake had somehow gotten free while he was taking that short trip and was now in the shower.  He could hear him singing badly in it.  He could hear Xander nagging Roque he had to eat too, to leave his breakfast alone.  Cougar walked in there and hauled Roque up, pointing.  "Check your stitches."  Roque huffed but finished his breakfast in the bathroom so Xander could eat.

"Xander, can you teach me to strip?" Jensen called as he got out of the shower.  "That way one of us knows in case we need it on a mission?"

"Sure.  Let me shower and put on something clean.  Meet me in the garage."

"Okay."  Xander got up after finishing, taking the plates out, kissing Jolene on the cheek.  "Thank you for cooking real food, unlike your husband Pepper Man."  He went to shower and put on something clean yet loose.  He found Jensen waiting and showed him how to put up the temporary pole.  "For male strippers this is usually just a placemarker."  Jensen nodded and Xander taught him a few of his routines.  Jensen was having fun.  Jolene even let them have some of the fudge.

Roque leaned in, watching Xander teach Jensen the right way to pelvic thrust.  "Must we really do this?"  He was not going to be jealous of Jensen.  He wasn't.  The geek had nothing on him.

"Some day we might need it on a mission and then you'd have to if I didn't learn.  Or Cougar."

"Cougar already knows how."  Jensen paused to stare at him, mouth slightly open.  "We had to use him once way back when we were a new team."  He disappeared.  "No touching, Jensen, or I'm cutting all your fingers off and you'll have to hack with your toes."

"Not like I poach."

"You'd better not.  No touching."

Xander bounced over to kiss him.  "You're still cute even when you're insecure and growly."  He grinned.  "If I had wanted to pounce Jensen, I'd have already dumped you and pounced him.  Not like I didn't have plenty of opportunity when I could've.  Quit treating me like a trifling ho, dear."  He went back to helping Jensen learn.  Roque walked off shaking his head.

Jensen grinned.  "It would be one bouncy, fun bed."

"Yes it would," he agreed with a grin.  "Which is why my growling thing with the sharp and pointy addiction had to beg for help last night."  He beamed.

Jensen cackled, leaning on Xander shaking his head.  "You're so bad."

"Yes I was."  They got back to it.

Clay came to the doorway, staring at them move and turn.  "Why are we doing this?"

"In case it comes up on a mission," Jensen quipped with a grin.  "Plus, hey, great workout."

Clay stared, shaking his head.  "You two are going to turn into evil things, aren't you?"

Xander beamed.  "I was thinking about taking Jensen out clubbing later.  That way Roque can get some rest without having to beg for less sex.  Plus if I bring Jensen and maybe Cougar, you three old guys can complain about your lap candy and I'll be safe from whoever might try to get me from my boy's sharp and pointy addiction."

Clay walked off shaking his head.  "Cougar, the boys are talking about clubbing later."  Roque moaned.  "Without us so you can sleep, Grandpa, and Pooch and I can complain that our women wore us out."

Buffy cackled.  "I'm not that mean."

Clay smirked at her.  "You can try if you want.  Xander made Roque beg for mercy last night."

"I do not need to visit that mental neighborhood.  I saw plenty of gay sex in Thailand that looked like something I didn't want to try."  She smiled at Roque.  "Sorry."

"He's teaching Jensen how to do stripper moves, Cougar.  Make sure they don't get broken in on?"  Cougar gave him a dirty look.  "I'm not saying go watch, just listen to make sure the neighbor's lawn goat doesn't try to steal them this time."  Buffy cackled and let Clay walk her off.

Roque looked at Cougar.  "I told Jensen no touching."

Cougar got up and went to watch tv.  That was next to the garage and what he could see through the doorway made him mentally swear at his cock to calm back down.  He wasn't a teenage boy and he hadn't come in his pants in over a decade and a half.  Pooch came down too with Jolene.

Jolene watched with the baby.  "You need to spin more slowly, Jensen.  Be more flashy and let the girls see what they need to drool for.  Good strippers make their crowd wet and happy without having to do more than tease."  Xander changed routines, which helped Jensen some.  Jolene *definitely* got that happy feeling.  Pooch was growling like Roque.  "Flex more, Jensen," she ordered.  He did that with a grin.  "Shy boy grin, not happy boy grin.  Make them think you're a pure little stud looking for a lover."  Xander smirked at her.  "Or really naughty like that one."

"I didn't start sleeping with Roque until their second leave in LA," he told her.  "I'd only had two and a half women before then."

"She was trannie?" Jolene guessed.

"Blow jobs only."

"Ah, that sort of girl.  They're good that way.  Xander, why are you arching your back...."  She trailed off when she saw why.  "Damn, you're nearly as well built as my man."  She had to shift her position.

Pooch took the baby, kissed him on the head, and handed him to his uncle so he could walk his wife off and finish that happy mood off for her.  "Thanks, boys.  Didn't need help with the prep work though."  She swatted him.  He kissed her.  They made it as far as the stairs and she was still loud.  Which the Pooch enjoyed a lot.

Cougar looked at the baby, who was giving him a confused look.  He shrugged.  He didn't know why he had been handed the baby.  The baby was snuggly and warm, which was nice.  Cougar could still see them teasing each other and heard how Jensen was starting to pant.  Clearly Xander teased him too much as well.  Cougar got up and handed the baby to Roque then took Jensen out for some air... or something if he could finally talk him into it.

Jensen smiled at Cougar.  "About damn time."  Cougar stared at him so Jensen kissed him.  "Seriously, about damn time, Cougs."  They went to the more wooded areas and had some sex outside.  It was more private than anywhere in the house.  And less loud.

Xander shrugged and finished his workout then went out the garage and up to the front door.  Where he found someone waiting.  "They're all busy," he told Wade.  "Pity I'll get to stab you this time."

Wade stared at him.  "You're so hot when you're pissy."

Xander shrugged.  "A lot of people think that.  That's how I afforded my own house as a stripper."  He stared at him.  "Go.  Away."

"I could be good to you.  Give you things Roque can't."

Xander shrugged.  "I got a three million dollar bonus for killing your boss," he said bluntly.  "Why do I need anything?"

"If I had known that I might've killed Max myself."  He stared at him.  "You'd make an excellent wife."

"No I wouldn't.  I hate housework."

"I have a housekeeper at my hideaway."  He smiled.  "No housework, just a lot of really good sex."

"No.  Sorry but no.  I should introduce you to my ex though.  Anya was all about the orgasms."

Wade grimaced.  "No thanks.  Women break way too easily."

"Sometimes, yeah.   But no, I'm sorry but no.  I don't dump those I'm with for someone else.  Even if the offer is a bit charming no.  Sorry.  Ask when I'm single."

"I can...."  Xander pulled out a gun.  "Where were you hiding that?"

"Stripper trick."  He smirked.  "Go away, Wade.  I'm not going to be yours."

"But...."  He pouted.  "I'd be nicer than I was to my last girlfriend and Max isn't here to kill you."

"No.  I'm not breaking up my good thing for someone else.  That's not the man I am."

Wade sulked.  "He calls you his good thing?"

"Sometimes, why?"

"Because that's like soldier code for an off-duty spouse, kid.  If you're just a fuck, they call you that.  If you're a good thing you're more than lap candy and just below an officially noted girlfriend."

Xander nodded.  "I call him my boyfriend most of the time when he can't hear me.  Thank you for telling me that though."  He smiled.  "It's nice to hear.  Try again when I'm single."  Wade sulked as he walked off.  "There's someone out there for you."

"Maybe he'll die soon."

"Don't make me shoot you again.  Third time will be the charm."

Wade smirked.  "That might be fun to test, see how good you really are.  I'll be semi-patient for a while."  He got into his car and drove off.

Xander opened the door, walking inside, then shut it and banged his head against the nice, solid surface.

"Xander, you're interrupting my sex life, stop it!" Buffy shouted.  "Or if it's the goat, go home!"

Xander walked back to his bedroom, laying down beside Roque, who was staring at the baby.  "If you really want one of those, I can find you a good surrogate."

"Hell no."  He looked at him.  "Why were you banging your head on the door?"

"Wade said he'd wait semi-patiently for me to be single."

"He's here?"

"He drove off," Xander said before he could move.  "I noted you called me your good thing and talked him out of curing my dating problem since I don't dump people to go with someone else."

"That's nice of him.  Why?"

"I don't know."  They shared a look.  "Maybe a tiny little bit of honor?"

"Maybe he's got spy cameras and is taping?" Roque guessed.

"That's more likely since I found another FBI bug the other day."  Roque moaned, getting up to check places while Xander stared at the kid.  "You scare the shit out of me, kid.  You really do."

Roque snickered.  "Me too."  He found the camera and bugs, holding them up.  "He had it in stereo sound."

"He said it was nice, Max wouldn't be there to kill his next lover."

Roque nodded, walking off.  He dropped the camera on Clay's bed next to him and then went back to calm Xander down.  The guy was a bit freaked out but Roque agreed that was a good reaction.

Clay looked at the gear and got up to check their room.  He turned off that one.  "Jensen!" he called.

"Out," Xander called back.  The baby fussed.  "No!  Don't do that!  I have no idea what to do if you do that!  Please don't do that!"  The baby quit.  "Hey, thumbs.  I like mine too."

Clay slammed the door and went back to teasing Buffy.  "The last psycho who wanted him."  She nodded, letting him do whatever he wanted because he made sure she got off nicely.  And then he did.  Clearly the difference between a Victorian era vampire and a commando was stamina and depth.  Because it was too good to pass up and she might lose *her* soul if it kept being that good.

***

Buffy slid into the chair across from her sister slayer with a grin.  "Clay said hi."  Faith actually blushed and ducked her head.  "They had to go be commandos last night so he sent that."

"You two...."

Buffy nodded.  "I nearly lost my mind and packed myself," she sighed.  Faith snickered.  "My mother lost her mind yesterday too.  She called me *mature* because of all the stuff I learned on my trip."

Faith smirked.  "That's good.  No boytoy?"

"He can't walk."  Faith gaped.  "It's not even his boyfriend's fault.  He was at work and someone started a real fight in the bar he's bouncing in.  Someone shot him on the butt.  So he can't really sit.  Or walk.  And he's leaning when he stands.  But that guy.... messy when Xander finished with him.  Then apparently he said ow and started to whimper in pain."

"I guess some guys are tough that way."

"Yup, which is why the super psycho commando wants him as a wife.  Pity though, Roque was already on the plane back so he didn't get pity cuddles.  Roque wrote Wes an email saying to cuddle in his place.  Then the other one that wants him said he'd be more than happy to cuddle him.  Xander forwarded it so Roque can tell him that himself."

Faith snickered.  "I see drama's still around."

"Yup, but it's LA and all the pretty people like drama.  It gets them noticed."  She smirked.  "So, Mom can't send you cookies unfortunately.  She was going to but she checked with the people here and they said no cookies.  Sorry."

"That's okay.  I'm not at the stage when I'd kill for cookies."  Buffy grinned.  "Any other good news?"

"Well....  Next spring might have a bad thing.  We're working on it but who knows."  Faith nodded once.  "Worse than the other night."

"Xander said something about it during the thing."  She leaned on the table.  "Any happy news?"

"Willow got straightened out when she showed up."

"She's back from the land of 'oh dear' and glasses cleaning?" Faith asked.

"No, she just showed up to tell Xander he shouldn't have a boyfriend.  She threw a fit.  She attacked Xander and Xander ended up winging her leg.  Then she got a weekend of calming down at UCLA's shrink unit.  She finally realized there was a problem and went back home after telling the shrink that he was judgmental, which he was.  He tried to tell Xander he shouldn't have a boyfriend too."

Faith shook her head.  "With what I saw of his dating history, the boyfriend is safer."

"Yup.  I appreciate his boyfriend a lot.  He even nags the Xander about getting into trouble.  Though they don't hear anything about the duty or patrol."

"Figures."

"His boyfriend has to beg for mercy."  Faith smirked.  "Yup, he needed it.  Clay had to go pick the handcuffs for him.  His boyfriend's doctor said that he had to stay on his back so Xander was nicely keeping him there."

Faith cackled.  "That's so evil."

"Yup."  She smirked.  "Hey, guard lady, do I have to hand you the books and magazines or can I hand them to her?" she called.  She came over to get them.  The Maxim got a strange look.  "One of our friends has a picture in there."

"That's borderline not allowed.  We don't allow anything too racy, miss."

Buffy found the picture and carefully tore that page out, handing it to Faith.  The rest got handed to her with a smile.  "Thank you."

"It's not a problem.  It's always better to ask than to get her thrown in solitary for having them."  She walked off.

"The career fair back in high school thought I'd make a good one of her," Buffy told Faith.  "I think I like traveling more because it's got to be a hard job."

"It is," Faith agreed.  "People give them hell in here."  She looked over the books.  "Shakespeare?"  She looked up.  "Wes?"

"Giles."

"Ah."

"But it's all the funny plays.  That way you have some laughs."

"I could use laughs."  A bell rang and Faith sighed.  "Time's up."

"I'll be around for the next month I think.  So I can come back next time.  Of course I'll call first so I can make sure it's still on."  She got up with a grin.  "Be safe.  Protect yourself.  Don't take any shit from anyone because I saw bad places in Asia that made this look like a kindergarten, okay?  I had to help get a potential out because she was female and thinking."

Faith nodded.  "That truly sucks."

"Yeah, so she's going to school."  She smiled.  "I so threw a fit with her watcher for that.  And then Travers for allowing it.  He agreed, she could go somewhere nicer."  She winked.  "Maybe Clay'll write."  She walked off.

Faith shook her head.  "I'm not sure if she's happy or just slightly kinked."  The guard came to get her and she brought her magazines and books back.  The guard looked at them.  "Picture of someone we know and stuff to read that're funny."

"That's always a welcome thing.  Remember your limit of how much you can have."

"I know but I only have a library book.  Want that one?"  He shrugged and took it for her.  "Thank you."

"Welcome, Lehane.  You don't give us trouble."  He walked off, handing over the library book.  "Someone gave Lehane Shakespeare's plays."

"Some of those are funny," the other guard said.  Everything was calmly going the way it was supposed to.  At least until light's out.  Then they found an extra woman.  "Who's she?" the guard demanded.

Faith looked at her.  "She just walked in.  I knew her from high school.  I told the new blonde lady but she acted like I was invisible."

"How did she sneak in?" the guard asked calmly, radioing for some others.   They showed up.  "Miss, please step out of the cell."

"Is it really that illegal to visit a friend when you need to talk?" Willow demanded.

"Yes, miss, when she's in jail and you're not, it is," one guard said.  "Lehane?"

"I told the new blonde lady," Faith defended.

"Don't blame Faith.  I showed up," Willow said.  "I needed to talk about some mutual friends because they're acting strange and I'm worried that it's not them, it's me."  She pouted.  "You guys are wankers.  I'm sorry, Faith.  I didn't mean to get you in trouble."

Faith waved a hand.  "You needed to get that fixed anyway, Red."

"Yeah, I do."  She shrugged.  "Maybe they were right and I need to finish maturing."  She disappeared again.

"How did she do that?" the guard demanded.

Faith shrugged.  "Not my skill.  She's from Sunnydale.  She got it there.  If you talk to the guys that sometimes shows up, Wesley or Rupert, they'd be able to tell you more and yell at her for you.  It was not me.  I didn't call, didn't ask, didn't summon."

"Was she a demon?" one snorted.

"Witch, but Sunnydale, ya know?"  She shrugged.  The guards all groaned and they called that in.  The block tapes were checked.  Lehane had told two different guards about that and nothing had gotten said.  So she wasn't in trouble.  The warden heard and went to ask her questions but she still had no idea how it was done.  Faith pointed out if she could do that, she'd run out for a burger some nights.  The warden snorted but called those two men to get some answers so they could make sure it wasn't going to happen again and no one could use it to escape.  Faith laid back on her bed, reading one of the MAD magazines.   It was nice to have some humor stuff.

***

Giles walked into the Hyperion the next morning, finding Buffy nagging Xander about having driven over.  "Why are you standing wrong?"

"Bar fight got me shot in the ass," Xander said dryly.  "I ache like hell.  How was your night?"

"I spent most of last night yelling at Willow for popping into the prison.  Does the girl no longer have sense?" he demanded.

"With the way she attacked Xander for having a boyfriend?  No," Buffy said.  "We had a talk about it though."

"She popped into Faith's cell?" Xander asked dryly.  Giles scowled but nodded.  Xander burst out cackling.  "Is Faith all right or did it get her put in solitary?"

"She's fine.   She had warned someone when it happened so she wouldn't get into trouble."  Giles was still scowling.  "I really should paddle that girl."

"When she had her weekend off in UCLA, her parents showed up," Buffy said.  "I pointed out she was turning into her mother."

Giles stared at her then rubbed his forehead.  "I fear my brain might explode.  Do quit."  Wesley and Gunn came in already arguing about something.  "Wesley, do you have a rather large hammer so I can strike myself on the head repeatedly?"

The duo stared at him.  "Why?" Gunn asked.

"Willow went to visit Faith in her cell by magic," Buffy said with a smirk.

Gunn rubbed his own head.   "She's clearly lost her ever-loving mind," Gunn complained.

"Rupert, have we talked to any of the covens?" Wesley asked quietly.

"No, but I fear I should.  They can paddle her when I can't because I'm not in England at the moment."

"Willow!" Xander called.  She appeared, staring at him.  "Giles and Wes wanted to talk to you about a coven they found so maybe you can make some new witchly friends."  She beamed at them.  They walked her off, Gunn following to make sure she couldn't run.

Once they were out of sight, Buffy leaned over.  "That was so mean," she said quietly, getting a grin back.  "Mom's going to love that story."  She called her.  "It's your favorite daughter.  Willow's back.  No, mostly normal."  She walked off telling her what had happened.  Her mother moaned and cackled but promised she'd be coming soon.  "Mom's coming," she called, not going in there.  "She wanted to hear how Willow's doing in college."  She escaped, helping Xander go to breakfast.  It was much safer for all their butts.  Joyce would be paddling Willow a lot.  She'd probably even tell Willow's mother so she could point out what a failure she had about passing on common sense.

***

Xander looked up from his crossword puzzle when someone came into the bar.  They were dead tonight.  "Hi," he said.  "Bob, customers," he called.  The bartender came out.  Xander kept an eye on him since he was young and twitchy.   Something was off.  Xander kept one eye on him while doing his puzzle.  He heard the door open and grimaced at who came in.  "Must you?"

"Yes, I must."  He smirked.  "Would you reward me for not taking out their team?"

"By not shooting you?" Xander offered.  "Sure, I can do that."  Wade smirked at him.  "Why are you telling me this?"

"They ran into another former minion.  I'm told they're alive because Max *really* thought you were hot."

"I am hot."  He smirked.  "That's why I danced and made a lot of money."  He glanced at his puzzle, filling in a word he figured out.  Which didn't fit so he erased it.

"I can't believe they let men like you in decent places," the young thing at the bar complained.

Xander stared at him.  "Excuse you?"

"Men like you are disgusting to real men."  He sneered.

"Really?  And yet I'm sniper qualified and fairly good.  I can handle any piece of artillery competently, and gee, I'm a combat vet."  The man glared harder at him.  "Now, anything else you want to spew before I pick you up and throw you out?"  The bartender laughed.   "I dated tougher women than him.  So many of them tried to kill me."  He shrugged.

"You mean you're not just a *stripper* but you're gay?" the guy demanded.

"Some of the toughest guys are," the bartender quipped.

The guy pulled a gun and opened fire.  Bob the bartender fell first.  He shot at Wade, who moved out of the way.  He got Xander as he was tackled and Xander yelped then punched him.  "Get off me!" the guy shouted.  "Gay mother fucker!"  Xander hit him again, this time he gasped and wailed in pain.

Xander looked up.  "PIP!" he shouted.  "Shooter!"  The bouncer outside on smoke break ran in to check them.  "Get Bob."  He tried to move and couldn't.  "Okay, stay calm," Xander told himself, trying to move again.

Wade came over, staring at him.  "It's locked your hip.  Stay still."

Xander looked at him, his eyes watering.  "I don't like these bullets in me.  This is the second time in a week and a half.  I'd rather never be shot again.  Can't I go strip?"

"I might mind but I'd gladly watch," he offered.  "Since you're not mine."  He smirked and walked off.

"No, if my boy did that, I'd have killed him when I got out of the ER," Xander called after him.

Wade just smirked.  "You said you can't be mine until you're single."

"I'm so shooting you again."  Pip the bouncer laughed nervously.  Police ran in.  "He shot me as I tackled him.  I think he did a bad thing to my hip, I can't move," he said.  The officer nodded, calling that in.  "I've knocked him out and I'm going to kill his ass.  Pip, Bob?"

"He's....  no.  Lucky shot, Xander."  Xander hit the guy again.  "Can we move him?"

"No, not yet.  The paramedics will do it."  They rushed in.  "He's gone, guys."  They nodded and helped Xander.

"Ow!" Xander yelped.  "Owowowow!  Damn it," he muttered.  He was gritting his teeth.  "My hip is not moving," he said bluntly.  "Get me to standing or on my knees and then move me.  Please.  Before the bullet shifts."  They nodded, helping him up and then onto the gurney.  Neither one looked pleased at the injury.  Xander looked down.  "Damn."

He leaned his head back.  "Ow.  This is my second one this month and I'm really tired of being shot."  He swallowed.  "Check my stomach please?  I'm tasting blood."  The paramedic gave him a strange look.  "I'm field medic trained."  They nodded, checking his stomach.  The blood from the puncture wound had been hidden by the other blood.  Xander looked.  "No wonder I'm nauseous.  Can I have pain killers now?  Before I start to blubber like a littler boy?"

"Sir, you're taking this very well," the paramedic said as they moved him.

"Real men can take injuries and only swear or retaliate.  You cry when you're being stitched."  Xander took a deep breath.  "My boy's going to kill me."

"Sir, do we have to worry about anything in your blood?" one asked more quietly.

Xander stared at him.  "Just because I've finally found someone decent who doesn't try to kill me during dates doesn't mean I'm a druggie whore or have anything," he said, staring at him.  "Hell, I used to strip and never used drugs.  I'm about to break that.  Please don't make me beg?"

"You'll be at the ER very soon.  They'll have something for your surgery."

Xander nodded.  "Okay.  Make it a really fast trip?  Unlike the last one that took thirty minutes?  And by that way that's on my right ass cheek.  I stupidly was handling another problem in the bar."

They got him loaded and one climbed into the back with him.  They told the nurses that he wasn't crying, blubbering, begging, or anything, that he was conscious and mostly rational, so something was clearly wrong.

The nurse looked at him.  "Sir, have you taken anything today?"

Xander stared at her and pointed at his chest.  "I got that when I was seven," he said dryly.  She shuddered.  "I've had worse than this.  Okay?"  She nodded.  "I've been in combat.  Real men only start to cry and beg after the battle's over with," he said slowly and clearly.  "I ache like shit from both wounds and the old one from a week and a half ago.  Can I *please* have something for it?"

"Sure," she said, going to get him something very light while his blood ran.  She checked, so far the machine was reading nothing.  She came back and injected it into his IV.  "It's not as bad as it could be."

He pulled her over and put her hand over the other wound.  "What is that?  It's making me physically nauseous and has since they helped me up."  She checked and shook her head.  "Knife, smaller?"

"Probably a round looking thing that was about a screwdriver's worth?"

Xander lifted his head to look at it then at her.  "Am I bleeding internally?"  She looked.  He pointed at the blood pressure machine.  She looked and it was going down.  She checked and there was some.  His hip was worse.  She called for the surgeon again.  "I can stitch many things on myself, that isn't one," he said, keeping his focus on the ceiling.  "And if I tried, someone would be yelling.  Did you find my phone?"  She nodded.  "I need to send two text messages.  One to Buffy.  The other to Jensen."  She got it for him and he slowly tapped out messages to both of them.  "Am I at UCLA?"

"No.  General."

Xander added that and sent it then he passed out.

"Oh, dear."  She got more help in there.  "He was lucid until he sent a text message to let someone know something had happened."

The attending looked.  "He's been shot."

"Yes, and stabbed.  He was a bouncer, someone shot them."

"If he was lucid and not screaming he's not...."  The nurse pointed at the machines.  She stared.  "Was he on something?"

"Tests say no," a nurse said as she walked in with some blood units.  "Test's done and he's not on anything.  No sign of anything in his system outside of caffeine."  The doctor gave his body a look.

The first nurse pointed at a scar.  "He got that at seven."

"Oh, dear.  So he's an abuse survivor and can probably withstand torture."  She checked.  They were bad.  "Let's get him upstairs."

"I've called for a surgeon twice," the first nurse said.  "He said he could stitch many things on himself but not those."  She pointed at the stomach wound.   The blood got hooked in and things still looked bad.  New blood was flowing but out of his stomach.  "That's a bad sign."

The doctor checked.  "I'm not a surgeon."  She called for one.  The head of surgery complained until she told him why.  He stomped down.  "He's a bouncer.  He got shot on the job."

"That sucks for him," he said dryly.  He looked at the stomach wound.  "That doesn't look that bad."  The nurse unblocked the IV line and it started to bleed again.  "That's bad," he decided.  He checked his hip.  "That's a mess.  Are there no other surgeons?"

"I called twice," the nurse said.  "They're not that busy tonight from us.  We've only had two auto accidents."

Buffy stomped in and shoved someone trying to stop her out of the way.  "I want him moved to a really good hospital.  I have authority to treat from his medical contact, who is in Central America on a mission for the army."  The doctor stared at her.  "Can we safely do it before surgery?"

He nodded.  "Barely.  It's not a good idea.  Who are you?"

"Buffy Summers."  She handed over the paperwork Jensen had sent to her.

The doctor looked it over.  "It's a risk."

"Is he going to have to wait?" she asked.

"Probably.  It's bad but not horrible."

"Could he be paralyzed if he's not operated on soon?" she asked.  The nurses nodded.  She called.  "Giles, where?  Then ask Wesley, damn it!  Xander got shot on the job."  She listened.  "He was at UCLA before.  He's been at that one downtown before."  They nodded, calling there.

A nurse smiled.  "It's a good choice, next time have him tell the paramedics," she said quietly.  They got him sent to UCLA and Buffy rode with him.

Buffy patted him.  "Jensen's throwing an ungodly fit," she said quietly, stroking over his hair.  "So you stay down and we'll be there in minutes."  The paramedic with them nodded.  "I'll make sure the psycho one doesn't come up to taunt you too."  They pulled in and she held up her paperwork.  "I have his authority to treat."

The nurse looked it over.  "His family?"

"Parents are dead.  Uncle's a drunken shithead."

"Okay.  Two wounds?"  She walked her back there.  "Doctor, they sent the records as well," she said, handing them over.  "Oh, dear, I remember taking care of his last one."

"The notes said he was lucid until they started to probe his stomach wound," the doctor said, looking at it.  "What is that?"

"Whenever they add blood, it starts to seep," the paramedic in there said.  The doctor nodded, looking at something else.

Buffy was pushed out of the room.  "I want to know so I can update people."

"Of course.  Just stay there," the nurse ordered.   "Why switch him?"

"No one could find a surgeon and when the head guy came down, he was huffy and not happy to help him."

"They have been overworked," the nurse said.  They got Xander to surgery and let her wait up there and call people.

***

Jensen's phone rang.  "Buffy," he said, putting it on speaker.  "We're all here outside of Cougar.  He's walking the perimeter."

"Xander pulled through surgery very well.   He has a whole lot of stitches.  I've seen quilts with less stitching than his hip.  His stomach had a small seep on a vein that meant whenever it was full it seeped.  They fixed both.  Xander is on goofy drugs because he was talking to his curtains."  Roque snorted but moved closer.  "He was being a tough guy in the first ER but I had him moved to UCLA."

"Good choice," Clay said.  "How long are they going to keep him?"

"He'll be hopping for six weeks or so with that hip wound.  He'll be in here for a week or until his stomach is mostly sealed."  Her voice turned away from the phone.  "Xander, lay back down!  I'm telling Roque that you're being a good boy."

"I'm a very good boy," he said, sounding slurred.  "I didn't argue, and I was politer than last time, and I even waited to pass out until I got to the ER," he finished with a pout.

"You did and I'm very proud of you," Buffy said.  "So is Roque."

"Yes I am," Roque agreed.  He took a calming breath.

"Wade was there and ducked then said he would've helped me if I was his but he walked out because I said I was a taken man," Xander babbled.  "I was a good boy."

"You were," Roque agreed, his fists balling up.

"Roque," he cooed.  "I'm a good boy."

"Yes you are, Xander.  Be a good boy and take a nap?" Roque said.  "Like I needed."

"Okay," he whined.  "But I'm not tired and there's all sorts of light fairies in here.  They're in the folds of the curtains."

"What light fairies?" Buffy asked.

"The little twinkling things that aren't from shiny glass stuff."

Buffy sounded confused.  "I'll ask Giles if they're dangerous for you."

"They're not coming over so they clearly don't like me and therefore they're not dangerous," he babbled, sounding happy.  "Just pretty."

"Very pretty.  Why don't you nap?  Roque wanted you to take a nap."

"I ache."

"I know but you have medicine."

He shook his head.  "I still ache."

"You will for a few days but I know you can handle it," Roque told him.

"That's right," Clay agreed.  "You handled worse before, Xander.  Sleep it off for us and we'll see you real soon."

"If you're sure," he said.  "The pain killers aren't really killing the pain.  They're just making me happy.  Even the nurses said I'm happy."

"You're very happy sounding," Jensen agreed.  "You should try to rest so they don't have to worry about you."

"True, that way they can go help people who're really sick.  Night night, Roque Bear."

"Night, Xander."  He shook his head, rolling his eyes.  Jensen was grinning at him.  So was Pooch.  "You rest and I'll be there soon."

"Good.  I could use cuddles."

"I know.  I needed some and you gave me good ones, Xander."  Xander yawned and purred, then started to snore.  "Buffy?  Honestly?" he asked when he heard the beep.

"Honestly they're really nice and they smile at him a lot because he's so nice and happy.  The injuries looked really nasty but cleaned up it still looks nasty but not as bad.  As for the psycho thing, no clue.  He was at work."

"All right.  Find out and tell us," Clay said.  "That way we know before we can get up there.  It might take us as much as a week."

"I can do that."  She hung up with an 'oooh, bad'.

Roque and Clay shared a look.  "I say we kill all the fuckers tonight."

"Hostages," Pooch reminded him.

"So?"

"It's good to see you in goofy love, Roque," Pooch said with a grin.  Roque growled and pulled a knife.  "Easy, boy.  It was a compliment."  Roque stomped off.

Clay nodded.  "Plan it for later."  They got the rest of the info they needed to bust in and save the hostages.

***

Buffy hung up, staring at the man standing there.  "Hi, Xander's uncle."

"You're not his family."

"No, I have his authority to treat him," she said bluntly.  "As given by the holder of it since he's in Central America."

"Him?" Xander's uncle sneered.

"Yes, him.  He's a big, badass guy that's fairly nice."  She stared at him, glancing at a nurse.  Then back at him.  "Xander said his family wasn't to make any decisions and he's lucid enough when he's awake.  Xander?"  Xander snorted and woke up, blinking at her.  "Your uncle's here?"

Xander stared at him.  "It's been over a year and you visit now?" he demanded.  "How hard am I to find since I've been in here twice."

"I wasn't on duty those days," he sneered.

Xander stared at him.  "I saw you one of them.  I thought you made yourself very clear."

"I heard you're living on a rich person's arm," he sneered.  "We taught you better."

"No, I bought my own house with my own money," Xander said.  The man gaped.  Xander stared at him.  "I may have a special thing but he'd look at you and sneer."

"Him?" Rory demanded.  Xander nodded.  "You fucking...."

"Enough," Buffy snapped.  "I don't give a damn but get away from Xander."  Rory glared at her.  "Nurse, please?"

"I'm not happy and it still hurts even when I am," Xander called.  "Can I be less happy and less in pain?"

The nurse brought in something.  "The doctor changed it on you, dear."  She injected him.  She looked at the older man.  "Xander, who do you want to make a decision for you if you're passed out?"

"My boyfriend but he's in Central America.  Buffy's good enough to do it and if she needs to she has people she can ask questions with."

"I'll make sure your charts says that."  The boy nodded, drifting off again.  "You rest.  You need rest to heal."  She looked at the maintenance guy.  "You're upsetting him and he got shot on the job earlier.  He does not need this.  You may be an uncle but he's made his choice for now."  Xander mumbled something.  "No, there's no reason that she should have to turn machines off on you," she soothed, patting his hair down.  "We'll go over that the next time you wake up, Xander."  He nodded, shifting some with a wince.  "No, stay flat."  He pouted and curled up anyway.  Buffy helped by putting a pillow between his knees.  She looked but his uncle was gone.  "Try not to make such a scene," she told Buffy quietly, getting a nod.  "We have a waiting area you can yell at him in if he comes back."  Buffy smiled.  "Thank you.  Was it helping the pain any?"

"No but apparently he found sparkly fairies in the curtains."

"We've always wondered about those."  She walked off to make notes about all that in his chart.

Buffy walked over to look.  There was clearly something sparkly but she thought it was a sparkly thread.  "Huh."

***

Buffy walked into the Hyperion.  "Xander's being a butthole about wanting to go home already."  Giles shook his head, taking off his glasses to clean them.  "Part of that is because his uncle showed up to yell at him and he doesn't want another round of it.  I apparently slept through one."  She stared at him.  "They're talking about firing his uncle for that."

"Good," Gunn said.  "How is he otherwise?"

"Good painkillers.  Anyone talk to his boss?  He wanted to but they wouldn't let him use his phone in the hospital.   It's locked in some sort of personal object locker downstairs."

"Not yet," Wesley admitted.  "You could go talk to him.  I know where he works."  Buffy grinned at him.  "He'll be all right?"

"He's bordering on cranky because that one psycho was there and taunted him a little bit.  Xander's pouting he should've shot him then."

"I can see Xander being in pain and doing that, yes," Giles said dryly.  "He has gotten a bit tougher."

Buffy stared at him.  "He would've done it in Sunnydale, Giles.  Really."  He gaped.  "I took a lot of looks back at things in high school.  I made some crappy decisions and people followed me anyway.  That was one of them."  She looked at Wesley, who was smiling at her.  "You're driving."

"Of course I am, you're horrid at it," he teased with a smile.

"And not on the bike either, Wes.  I don't need the Buffy panties problem before going into a bar."  He cackled but nodded, getting Gunn's keys from him.  "We'll be back in a bit."  She followed him out.  "Should we tell the demon bar so they're nicer?"

"No, it may lead to a few people trying to break into his house."  She nodded.  "There is an agent we should tell however.  We can do that on the way back."  She smiled.  "He knows Xander has weapons."

"I heard about that sitch.  He complained.  A lot."  Wesley laughed.  He drove her to the bar, following her inside.  She stared at the older guy behind the bar.  "I'm Buffy, Xander's friend."  The older man stared at her.  "He'll be okay, out in a bit but hopping for a bit."

"I saw the statement the police took.  How okay is he?"

"The guy apparently had something round and pointy that got him on the stomach and the bullet hit his hip in just the perfect spot to get into the joint."  The older guy winced.  "So he'll be fine.  UCLA cleaned it up and they'll be releasing him soon.  He wanted to call but they won't let him use his phone."

"That's fine, Buffy.  Thank you for letting me know.  Where is he in UCLA?"  Buffy wrote down his room number.  "I'll pop around before we open."

She smiled.  "He might like that.  They have him on better pain killers so he's a bit growly and scowly thanks to his uncle but not happy anymore.  That night he talked to the curtain fairies."

"Real ones?" Wesley asked.

"He called them twinkly light fairies."

"Ah.  Those are rather pleasant to see."  He shook his head.

The old guy shook his head.  "Xander's a hell of a kid."

Buffy nodded.  "Yeah he is.  Anyway, just an FYI.  Laters."  She walked out with Wes.  The old guy, who was the owner's bodyguard, took the coffee back to tell him that.  He'd go talk to Xander later.  The boss hated being scowled at, though it was probably a good reason to scowl.  The drive to the Federal building wasn't too long but traffic was rotten again today.  It seemed like LA had whole weeks like this.  "The traffic in Bangkok when I overnighted there was slightly worse than this at two in their morning."

"The traffic in most Asian cities is atrocious," Wesley assured her.  "There was a problem on a Chinese highway in the news recently that led to a four day traffic block."

She whimpered.  "Four days?  How did they eat and go potty?"

"The side of the road for the last I'd assume.  Otherwise, no clue."  She shuddered.  "Much easier for gentlemen, yes," he teased with a smirk.

"I learned how to properly use a tree while I was in Cambodia."  He laughed.  "Seriously!  The outhouse was disgusting.  Even the villagers wouldn't use it.  I texted back for an idea and Xander suggested they get some lye to put down it."

"I believe that was the way they did things from what I've read, yes."  He pulled into the parking area in front of the building.  "There you go.  I'll wait out here."

"Okay.  Hopefully it won't be too long.  Which agent?"  Wesley showed him the picture on his phone he had accidentally taken during a questioning period about demons.  "Name?"

"Granger."

"That's cool."  She got out and went to the receptionist.  "Hi, I need to FYI an Agent Granger about a mutual friend," she said with a smile.  The woman called and nodded, handing her a visitor's badge.  Buffy clipped it onto her belt and let the security guys scan her.  She got onto the elevator as instructed and went up there.  She spotted him and sat down at his desk, staring at his tired look.  "Bad day?"

"Summers?"

"Yup."  She stared at him.

"It's been a hell of a week.  Another battle?"

"There was a guy at the bar who hated male strippers.  He shot the bartender and Xander got one in the hip."  Granger moaned, rubbing his face with his hands.  "He's going to be okay.  He'll be out soon.  He said that psycho guy Wade was there and taunted him, plus didn't help, because Xander wouldn't fuck him."  Colby stared at her.  She smiled.  "He's somewhere in LA still probably."

"Wade?"

"Psycho Canadian army guy?"

He thought back and leaned back.  "Don?  Who's Wade?"

"The wannabe he shot in the crotch," he called back dryly.  "That commando."

"Oh!"  He looked at her.  "You think he's still in town?"

"Yup.  Probably.  I woke up at three when he snuck in to visit."

Colby smirked.  "There's a restraining order.  We nicely filed one for him."

"That's cool.  I don't think the nurses would be of much help though with the way he was mean before."

"No, probably not."

"And he still thinks Xander's a really good wifey candidate.  He offered him a ring last night and all that."  Colby moaned, shaking his head.  "Xander was all babbly on his painkillers and joked that he'd have to be part of Roque's harem if he accepted it."  She stood up.  "So, anyway, you guys can handle that.  Xander's got his alarm system on.  I told his boss.  Now I'm going to get some real sleep.  I kept getting woken by nurses, him, and his uncle, who showed up to whine about Xander having a boyfriend and not taking care of him.  Xander had the nurses make a note his uncle is not to make any decisions for him."

"I'll keep that in mind."  Buffy smiled and left.  Colby got up and went to talk to Don.  "Wade visited Xander in UCLA this morning to offer him a ring."

Don Epps stared at him.  "If the nurses tried to interfere he'd probably hurt them."

"Yup."  He smirked harder.  "He's probably in the city."

"Find his ass.  We can go remind him of the restraining order and make sure he hates violating it."  Colby nodded, going to do that.  Don called some other sources that might have an idea.  Including one of the arms dealers Xander liked to talk to.  "Tell Arnold it's Agent Epps."  He got put on hold and then passed over.  "I just talked to someone who said that Wade's in town bothering Xander."  He listened.  "No, offered him a ring.  Xander's in UCLA."  He listened, making notes.  "That'll help him, yes.  Thank you."  He hung up and handed that to Colby.  They got their vests and guns, and a few other agents too.

You brought extra guys with big guns when dealing with someone like Wade.  And possibly Xander.

***

Roque walked off the plane and saw the pissed off look Pooch had.  "Jolene swear at you?"

"We've got an immediate ship out," Pooch said dryly.

"Can't," Roque said, pointing at Jensen, who was limping.  "He needs a cast."  The higher up sneering at them glared at him.  Roque stared back.  "Not like we can do a job without comm and tech support."

"I can get you a sub."

"Like hell," Clay said dryly.  "What you outlined, he should be able to do once he gets a cast put on.  It can wait two hours?"  The higher up sneered again but nodded.  "Thank you.  Guys, let's hit the ER, do the report while waiting on hop-along there, and then we ship to Georgia."

Cougar looked at him.  "Ours?"

"Theirs," the higher up snorted.

"Charming, it's winter there," Jensen said dryly.  "That'll just make it *so* much fun.   Hopefully we have time to repack since our all stuff was for our last mission in South America."  They helped him to the waiting jeep.  Even if it was the higher up's ride.

Roque called out to LA while Pooch was on the phone with Jolene.  "How is he?"  He listened to Buffy babble at him.  "What?  Mother fucker I'll kill his ass," he assured her.  She cackled, they could all hear it.  Then he burst out laughing.  "He'd be pathetic at it but thank you for that mental image and him for turning him down again.  Europe.  Thanks, Buffy."  He hung up.  "Wade snuck into Xander's hospital room and proposed."  Clay stiffened and growled, his eyes narrowing.  "Xander said if he accepted it, it'd mean Wade was part of my harem too."

"He'd make an ugly wife," Clay said dryly.  Roque nodded, smirking at him.  "I'd never let him come near your other wife."

Jensen looked down.  "If you do take Wade in that way to train him better, we'll shelter Xander until he's fucked too stupid to do anything."  The nurse glared at him.  He glared back.  "He's a psychotic guy who likes to kill.  A lot.  Especially innocents."

"This....Xander?" she demanded.

Roque looked at her.  "Mind your own business, lady.  Just get him a cast.  We're shipping out again in a few hours."  She huffed off.

"Unwise," Clay said quietly.

"Damned if I care.  I can make better money going private.  Plus get permission to go kill Wade."  Jensen grinned at him.  "You, stuff it.  Even with the goofy drugs."

"Yup, sure I will," Jensen quipped.

Roque pulled out a knife.  "I can make sure you can do laundry."

The base commander stomped in.  "Who is Xander?" he demanded.

"Do I ask you who any of your trashy little girlfriends are or their sisters that you fucked, sir?" Roque demanded.  "Xander is the guy we were protecting before."

The base commander sneered.  "Are you admitting you're in a relationship?"

"No, I'm telling you it's none of your business.  The same as I don't care that you had to use nerve gas on someone last year to get them into bed after the base-wide Holiday party."  The base commander sneered more.  Roque shrugged.  "Not like I care."  He looked at Cougar.  "I'll let you borrow a few extra shirts since whoever sent me clothes gave me so many long sleeved ones."  Cougar nodded his thanks.  The doctor came back.  "Finally!  We ship out in a few hours, Doc."

"Not if I don't say so," the base commander sneered.

Clay looked at him.  "Hey, talk to Poindexter," he offered.  "He was just ordering us.  And there's nothing wrong with us guarding a young guy from a psychotic mother fucker who killed whole villages for fun."  The base commander backed down at that slightly.

"I think it's nice Xander offered Roque to retrain Wade so he could be a better human," Jensen agreed.  "It might make them both less growly and maybe even make Wade sane."

"I doubt that'll happen," Pooch said dryly.

"Me too," Clay agreed.  "There's not enough sex in the world to make Wade sane.  Even if you fed him anti-psych drugs first."

Buffy showed up in a glowy light, looking around confused.  "This is not my bedroom in LA.  How in the hell...?"  Her phone beeped with a text message.  She read it.  "Oh, Willow."  She nodded.  "Okay."  She looked at the huffy and staring people.  "Not my idea."  She shrugged and kissed Roque on the cheek.  "He's still babbling at the curtain fairies."  She kissed Clay properly and smiled.  "Willow said you may not go to Georgia because it's actually a demon problem.  Something about a demon gang uprising."

"Demons?" the doctor snorted.

Buffy slapped the base commander and stole his image projector.  "Yup, just like him."  She looked at Clay again.  "She also said they're cannibals, they would eat you for fun, and the only one they'd save is Jensen and Roque because for *some* reason they respect Xander a whole lot.  I'm not sure what he did to earn it though."  Roque moaned, shaking his head.  "You know, that agent guy did the same thing when I told him about Wade."  She smirked.  "And when you come back, he said only he can kill his uncle."  She looked at Clay again.  "So if you go, they won't let you stop the uprising and I doubt you can kill them since it takes a very tiny amount of uranium in a small patch of skin on their hips.  Which they wear armored patches over from what I saw when I met some in Cambodia."

"Who are you?" the Doctor asked.

"Demons are my job to handle when they're being bad."  She looked at the base commander.  "Xander likes them a lot."  She smiled.  "Did I forget to introduce myself?  I'm the Slayer Buffy."  He backed off looking scared.  She looked at Clay again.  "I have no idea why they're uprising and by the time you get there most of their targets will probably be stew."

"That's a disgusting thought.  Can I get the information on their species in case we still have to go?"

"Ask Wes.  He can fax it and all that stuff since Giles thinks fax machines are as evil as computers."

"I can do that," he said with a smile.  "Thank you, Buffy.  Tell Xander to relax and not kill his uncle, just snub him and have him banned from his room."

"He can't.  His uncle's doing the floors up there.  He asked last night when the nurse interrupted his uncle nagging him about not taking care of him since they're blood."

"Did Xander remind him his father always thought a man made his own way unless he leaned on his son?" Roque asked.

"Yup, which was when the 'we're blood' thing started," she admitted.

Roque shook his head.  "Let Xander work out some stress."

"What did the ring look like?" Jensen asked.

Buffy grinned.  "Three carats of round, brown diamond and two one carat blue ones beside it.  It matched their eyes.  Platinum band.  Really pretty but way expensive."

"Wow.  Box?"

"That special store in the Hills that even I can't drool enough on.  HW, Jenny."  She grinned and texted Willow.  She got back one.  "No, I can't go on assignment with them but if I need to I can travel and lurk if they want me to," she answered.  She got taken back to LA.

"Do we think he bought or stole from Harry Winston?" Pooch asked quietly.

"You buy the special things.  You steal the things for hos," Roque said dryly, staring at Clay.  Who shrugged.

"That ring wasn't in the store when Jolene took us to fantasy shop," Jensen said.  They all stared at him.  "She wanted to fantasy shop for a fiftieth anniversary piece."  Pooch grinned at that thought.  "There wasn't a single piece in the store that looked like that.  No brown diamonds that I remember."  Cougar shook his head too.  He had escorted her and the baby.

"So it was custom," Roque said.  Jensen nodded.  "Shut up, it keeps getting worse."

"He dropped large," Pooch said.  "I looked at a blue diamond pendant and it was twice what a normal one was."  Roque glared at him too.  He looked at the base commander.  "We don't care about peaceful demons, sir.  We learned a lot about that side while helping Harris.  And how to stake vampires when we went to hunt in Sunnydale with the slayers."

The base commander shuddered.  "Harris?"  They all nodded with a smirk.  He looked at Roque.  "Then I wish you luck if that's your taste.  I won't put in papers against you."

Roque shrugged.  "Can't prove anything anyway."

"Whatever.  I'll see if that demon uprising is the mission.  You will need a slayer for them."  He left to go shudder in peace.  Harris had taken a boyfriend?  Damn, he hadn't heard that rumor.  Probably because he was military and so was his boyfriend.  He wondered if that meant he'd have to give Roque and Harris a present when they married.

Clay looked at Roque, shrugging.  "Who knows."  Roque nodded back.

The doctor got done.  "I'm going to forget seeing you boys.  Go away."  They left, Jensen hopping along on his new crutches.  He checked, his scales weren't showing so the slayer had known who to nag.  It was good she was still going and growing up.

***

Xander woke up to find Wade staring at him.  He looked around the overly spacious room, then back at his captor.  "You kidnaped me from the hospital the day they were going to let me out?"

"It was easier than trying to get you at home and having you reach for artillery."  He smiled as he stood up.  "The housekeeper made breakfast."

"I could eat but I'm still not letting you fuck me."

"That's for after the wedding."  He walked off looking smug.

"I didn't say yes," Xander called.

"You will.  I'm fantastic."

Xander groaned.  "Damn it and we have to plan for that invasion," he complained to himself.  Wade came back, giving him an odd look.  "I'm part of LA's defense team, you know that right?"  Wade nodded.  "Within six months we're having a demonic invasion."

Wade tipped his head.  "Seriously?"  Xander nodded.  "I hadn't heard that.  Who?"

"Black Thorn.  We've been working on stopping them.  I'm the one planning the defense for when they do it.  So I need to get back to LA really soon."

"I'll have to look that up."  He walked off to verify that information.  It could be a cheesy ploy to get free of him but no... there was one and one of other former Minions of Max was involved.  He made plans to kill him in a few days.  Xander would like the calming down time and his housekeeper loved him like a son so she could tell Xander how good he was when he wanted to be.

***

Xander waited until he was alone that night.  He got up and limped to the bathroom again.  Because he had something in there and he could blank out all the cameras.   He wasn't stupid, he had been learning electronics in his downtime.  And he had found something sharp and pointy.  If Wade had cameras in there, it'd just make it a bigger fight.  He could handle that.  Xander looked around.  Then he breathed on the mirror and inscribed symbols in the steam, getting a nice picture of Fred.  "I have no idea where I am."

"Neither do we," she said.  "Buffy?  It's Xander."  She came jogging in.   "How are you doing that?"

"Something I picked up in Oxnard."  He looked at Buffy and shrugged.  "Wade.  This is his hideout with his housekeeper but he doesn't like Black Thorn either."

"Then I guess it's pretty universal.  Now if only your mirror had GPS," she said dryly.  He pointed at his hip.  She smirked and nodded.  He had that locator chip implanted because Roque had ordered Cougar to stick him with one.  "I'll work on that.  They're at Bragg.  They were almost sent to a demon uprising but they decided it would be really messy because they heard you had been captured and Roque was pissed.  Are you good?"

"He said I'm not under obligation to screw him into the bed until the wedding," he said, giving her a look.

She stared back.  "Now I have that mental image of you in the big poufy dress," she complained, rubbing her forehead.

"With his body, he should go for a mermaid style," Fred quipped with a grin at Xander, who grinned back.

"Fred," Buffy complained.  "Eww, push up bra and all.  Bad."  Xander blew on the mirror again since the picture was fading.  "Let me...  Go get this image out of my head before I need Giles' big hammer."  She walked off rubbing her forehead but calling.  "Jensen, Buffy, found Xander.  Wade's got him at his hideout with his housekeeper.  Xander said he hasn't tried anything funny and won't until after the wedding."  She hung up on the loud swearing.  "I thought Clay and I had potty mouth," she mumbled.  "Giles, I need your headache hammer."

Fred shrugged, looking at Xander.  "Protect yourself and rest.  You need it to heal."

Xander nodded.  "Yes I do."  He blew on it again.  "I'll call again tomorrow."  She smiled and waved.  He wiped off the steam with a towel and limped back to bed.  He ached like shit but he wasn't taking the painkillers that had been left beside his bed.  He didn't trust anyone there.

In his room, Wade turned off the video camera's feed.  "Smart, sensitive, and crafty; very nice," he decided, laying down to get happy with the thoughts of his new wife.

"Eww, you're loud!" Xander shouted a while later.  "And I'm not that flexible!"

Wade cackled, changing his fantasy a little bit with that information.  He'd help him work on that flexibility problem.  It'd be good rehab for his hip.

***

Jensen stomped/hopped into the other room in their off-base house.  "Wade has him."  Roque looked at Jensen, still sharpening an older knife.  One of his favorite ones.  "He somehow got word back to Buffy.  He's at his hideout with his housekeeper.  She said he hasn't tried anything and won't until the wedding.  But he doesn't like Black Thorn either."

Roque nodded.  "Do we know where that is yet?"

"There's six possible places.  I have the name of a contact who might know and he's easily talked to."

Roque gave him an evil smirk. "How easy?"

"Depends, how fast can we go get a senator's aide?"

"Very.  Tell Clay?"

"I was hoping he was in here calming you down."

"He tried really hard but I'm going to kill a whole lot of people."

"I'll hop behind you with pom-poms since I like Xander a lot too.  He's a nice guy and could really be a good friend."  He hopped back to his room.  "All of them are in nice, warm places."

"Good.  Remember to pack a good med kit for him."  This extraction was going to be hard with Jensen on crutches and Xander still needing some.  But if they killed everyone there, it'd be easier.  He could appreciate that plan and Xander would be the sort to reward him this time.

***

It took over a week.  Xander was in better shape and could walk easier.  That was a positive.  Xander had almost made it off the grounds on his own the night before but there was a huge snake and Xander only had a kitchen knife.  He had killed the snake but it had slowed him down and that housekeeper was one tough Russian lady.  She had picked him up and carried him back inside, nagging the whole way in her native language.  She put him in his room, handing him some clean towels with a smile and a pat on the cheek, then left him alone.  Apparently she approved of him.

So when he heard a chopper the next night he was happy.  It might be a rescue party, though that was a very open plan for the Losers.  He heard it land and went to the windows.  No line of sight.  Xander climbed out onto the roof to watch, laying on his stomach.  The one he saw didn't amuse him.  Xander snuck back down and left the house again.  This time he was more stealthy.

Everyone was focused on the general in the chopper.  Who he recognized as Black Thorn.  He heard a shot and sighed.  "Maybe it'll help stop the invasion," he muttered.  He made it over the fence this time but he was in pain now.  He took one of the painkillers and snuck into the trees.  He was out of practice for woods tracking but the hyena was purring in his head.  They were plains hunters but she could appreciate trees.  He figured out which way was North and walked that way.  He had to run into a road or a town eventually.  Right?

There was no indication of being on an island so he was probably okay on that plan.

***

Wade finished with the general who was causing his new wife some stress.  "Supposedly so tough," he said dryly.  "Burn him," he ordered.  "Send his uniform back with a note."  The guards nodded.  He looked around, mentally counting.  "Do I have to kill whoever left Xander unguarded?"

"The house is locked, sir," one said.  He was new though so he was still stupid.

Wade shot him.  "From the inside, idiot."  He walked off.  "Maman!  Is he still here?"

"No, dear, he snuck into the woods."

"Goody.  I could use some hunting," he said with a leer.  He packed a backpack of necessary supplies.  New knife, very sharp.  Blanket.  Clothes.  Medical kit in case his wife tore some stitches.  Lube.  Condoms.  Handcuffs.  Gag.  Blindfold.  Extra socks.  The standard things in his pack.  Then he went to find him.  Wade considered.  Then he started south.  That was the closer road and town.  If not, he'd drive along the road looking.

Xander wasn't trained that way.  His dossier said nothing about woods training or survival training, even if it had mentioned he talked about camping once.

He was a nice, soft Southern California boy from a bad town, but not that bad.

***

Xander found a bar and walked in, leaning on the bar with a wince.  "May I use the phone?" he asked in Spanish.  "I need to call someone to come rescue me from someone who kidnaped me."  He blinked a few times.

"You are not local," he said quietly.

"No, I'm supposed to be in LA."  He spotted someone and looked.  "I know you, you got a phone?"

"We do not piss that one off, Harris."

Xander stared at him.  "Would you rather my boy shows up?"

"No."

"Then let's get me back there or let me call him?  That way I don't have to help World War 3."

"He will find out and torture us."

"Apparently me being this way means he likes me more," Xander said dryly, glancing outside.  Then at the demon.  He looked in the mirror, spotting his tail.  "Huh."  He turned and threw his knife at the guard outside who was pulling out his phone.  "Thanks."  He walked over and took the phone, leaving the guy begging for mercy.  Xander stared at him.  "I'm in pain but I might have mercy."  He frisked him, finding his wallet, keys, and an extra phone.  He looked at that one.  It only had his wife's number in it.  "Go home to her.  Someone like him will kill you quickly or someone against him will."

He tossed that back down and went to look over the car.  He knew what a GPS system looked like.  His sedan had one and he had it looked at by a mechanic to make sure it wasn't a problem device.  He found it and ripped it out then got in and drove off, calling Clay's phone.  "Okay, well, I've stolen a car, I've stabbed a guard.  Um..."  He looked around.  "Leaving a dinky town to the north of the compound he had and he took out the Black Thorn's general."  He heard the static and looked at the phone then put it back against his ear.  "I feel like shit.  How's your day been, secondary wife?"  The phone went dead.  Xander kept it on though.  Jensen could track it.

***

Clay threw his phone against a wall.  "Xander managed to escape at least partially."

Jensen grabbed the phone to get the number, pulling it up on the scans.  "Huh.  They're in Canada."  Roque looked over his shoulder.  "It's pinging these towers."  Roque nodded and grabbed his bag.  "That narrows the compounds down to two."

"He was heading north from it," Clay said.

"That would weed out both of those."  Jensen got into a property search as the others grabbed bags.  He let it run while they moved out to the jeep they used on base.  He looked.  "Bingo.  Only large property up there belongs to ... I'm guessing that's his housekeeper."  He showed Clay what they had on record for it.

"I'm betting he had it remodeled after those plans had to be put on file," Clay said, taking the laptop to look over.  "That way no one could get an accurate layout.  Any cameras?"

"No, not that I can hack into.  As far as I can tell it's a satellite system and there's no telling what one he's using.  I can check some but it'll take forever with how many satellites there are."

"Six hour trip," Roque said.  He got the number from Clay's phone and called.  It was real staticky.  "Xander, head southeast.  You're going too far west."  He hung up.  "Staticky."

Jensen sent a text message with those exact words in case it was a code.  "Think we can get any help from the Canadians?"

"No," Clay said.  "Or they would've dealt with him by now."  His phone rang.  "Clay."  He listened.  "That's very nice.  We can be there in thirty.  Heading that way now.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "Pooch, head west to that private airfield that business guy uses."  Pooch nodded.  "We've got a private flight offered by someone."

"Human or demon?" Pooch asked.

"Don't know," Clay said.  Pooch nodded and they made it there in great time.  Traffic was light this time of night.  They were all very motivated to break the speed limit.  When they got there, they found a guy in a suit.  Clay stared at him.  "Mr. Hasar.  I saw your picture in the paper last night."

"I have the utmost respect for Mr. Harris, even if all my uncles and Father don't," he said in a light British accent.  "And would gladly help that man with his plans."  He smiled.  "Many of us think that the group of that trio plus any others they bring in or rope in can solve nearly any apocalypse.  No matter what the rest of the Council thinks."  He pointed.  "It's going to Canada, are you going that way?"  He walked off.

"Thank you," Clay called.

"Just make sure the next one doesn't end us all."

"We're working against the plans for the invasion of LA," Jensen called.  Mr. Hasar turned to stare at him.  "Black Thorn...."

"Bloody hell, already?  That's not due for years last I heard."

"They moved it up because people knew it'd be in three years," Clay said.

"Then I'd get that boy back into shape.  That last wound is probably fairly bad and that little trainee watcher twerp was quite stupid."

"Is Wade's family from the Council?" Jensen asked.

"No, Travers just thought him a fitting reward for stepping in where he wasn't meant to go."  He smirked as he walked over to his car.  "Have a nice flight, boys, and don't harass my stewardess too much please.  She's fragile and prone to killing people."  He got into the back and his driver drove off.

They got onto the plane.   Jensen showed the pilot where the tracker was at that moment so they could plan.

***

Xander had to rest and let the pain die down.  So he had rented a room in the scummiest motel he could in the biggest city he had hit so far.  Even the check-in guy had prison tats.  He had looked at Xander like he was a meal.  "I have to give the gunshot wound time to heal before the rest of the commandos and arms dealers show up," he said dryly.  The man gaped at him.  Xander smirked.  "Key?"  It was handed over.  "Thank you."  He blew a kiss.  "Like the dragon on your ear.  Very sweet work."  The guy grinned at him for that compliment to his tattoo.  Xander went up to stretch out.  His hip was killing him and the pain killers clouded him too much to be able to drive.

He patted his thigh and dug out the small chip Cougar had hit him with, tossing it down the drain and running water after it.  If anyone was using it, it'd send them off on the wrong path.  Wade would figure he had dropped it and then taken off after a bit of minimal care.  Unfortunately his hip was going to cause him issues for weeks on end.  He had spent far longer in the car than he had wanted to.  But it was imperative he got to safety.   He didn't want to be married to Wade.  Roque would kill him.  Well, both of them really.  Xander let himself drift a bit on the haze of pain but it was all bad so he couldn't really sleep.

***

Roque snuck into the motel room, staring at his boy.  He had given them fits making it that far.  Xander wasn't asleep, which he thought was a good idea, but he was clearly spaced out on something.  He snuck closer to the bed.  Xander came off the bed with an older hunting knife he had found somewhere and sliced at him. "Whoa, boy," he ordered.  Xander attacked again.  He picked him up and slammed him onto the bed, getting slightly cut.  "You need to sharpen that, Xander."  Xander blinked at him.  "Hi."  He smirked.  "Clay's expecting you to faint at my feet this time."

"Ow."  Roque let his leg go.  "Thank you.  That hurt like fuck."

Roque stared at him.  "What?"

"Roque, a-hundred-thirty-eight stitches, dear."  Roque shuddered.  "Hurts since the pain killer I took is wearing out."  He nodded.  "Can we go home?"

"Yeah, that's why I came in to rescue your stubborn ass."

"Pot, kettle," Xander said dryly, moaning as he stood up.  "How far behind us is he?"

"At least an hour by his phone."  He helped Xander down the car.  "Jensen, scoot."  Jensen moved closer to Cougar, letting Roque sit with Xander in his lap.

"Can I go in the trunk?  I ache.  I sat way too long."

"Yeah you did," Clay said dryly, looking back at him.  "How did you manage eight hours sitting with that injury?"

"I'm stupid."

"You are not," Jensen said firmly, helping Xander shift onto his lap instead.  Roque glared at him.  "This way he can stretch his leg across yours to ease the hip injury.  You know I'm not going to fondle him or anything fun like that."  Roque shrugged but let it happen.  Cougar was looking.  "How healed are you?" Jensen asked.

Xander looked at him then at Roque.  "Did you pick up those painkillers for me?"

"Yeah, I grabbed the bottle, the wallet you had, and the other two things in there on the way out.  Why?"

"What other two things?" Xander asked, blinking hard at him.  He was going to fall asleep soon.

"The knife and the ring....."  Xander shook his head.  "Shit."  He looked.  "Damn that is nice."

Xander moaned, putting his head down on Jensen's shoulder.  "So he found me and left me there?"

Jensen texted that to someone he knew locally, who asked.  When they got back to him Jensen shook his head.  "No.  He had it sent ahead so you could stare at it.  He sent it with a minion who was at the motel making sure you couldn't escape again.  He headed in the other direction."

"I figured it was the sort of place no one would mention anyone without a warrant," Xander said through a yawn.

"Ten more minutes," Pooch said quietly.  Xander nodded.

"I always thought it was sweet when my niece did this," he teased, checking Xander's stomach.  "That healed nicely.  What did he have?"

"He had an awl in his pocket from work."  Xander grimaced.  "Hurt worse than my hip did.  I was doing okay until they added some blood and it started to seep.  It was making me nauseous," he said through another yawn.  "And wobbly headed.  I was lucid until then and I was even nice to the nurses."

"I'm sure you were," Roque agreed.  "Buffy said you refused to be whiny because you were a manly man sort."  Xander nodded, staring at him, pouting slightly.  "We're taking commercial flights back but there's four layovers back home.  At least an hour each one.  Each flight is no more than three hours."  Xander grinned at him for that.  "You can rest on the flight."  Xander nodded.  Roque checked the ring box.  No bugs, no tracking chips.  Or in the ring itself.  He put it into his pocket.  He'd talk to Wade about his desires for his good thing later.  When he had more knives than usual on him.

"I was a good boy, I even asked for painkillers instead of begging," Xander told Jensen, who hugged him.

"I probably would've begged, Xander, and they thought you were too tough because you didn't."  He watched the pouty one fall asleep, smiling at him.  Roque shook his head.  Pooch pulled into the parking lot and they got out, Roque helping Xander.  Jensen on his crutches.  Cougar following the group and watching around them.  They got to security and the guards gave them dirty looks.  "He's still got stitches from being shot, guys.  Including at least a few staples.  Hip and stomach.  There's no brace under my cast and no metal parts on it.  Cougar can help me through."

They hand-wanded them and let them through after checking ID's.  They had been sent Xander's from LA.  One guard spotted Clay's dogtags, getting a pointed look back.  Clay smiled as he put them back on.  Jensen got himself, Cougar, and Xander something to nibble on the plane.  The guy's wallet was nicely stuffed.  Must've been payday.  They settled in to wait, Xander napping against Roque's arm.  The gate check in stewardess gave them odd looks.  Jensen grinned and pointed at his crutches, getting a nod.

She walked over.  "Do we need to call ahead for wheelchairs, sir?" she asked Jensen.

"I can hop along and Xander's had recent surgery on his hip so standing would be easier on him.  He'll probably need that time to stretch."  She nodded and smiled.  "But thank you for asking," he said with a happy grin.

She smiled back.  "We get a lot of elderly people from the resort through here."  She winked and went back to her station.  When it was time for pre-boarding of families with children and those disabled, they got to go in first.  They arranged themselves with Roque and Xander in two seats, Roque on the aisle.  Clay and Pooch in front.  Cougar and Jensen beside them.  Roque put down the window shade and let Xander nap against his arm again.  Once they were in the air, Roque carefully moved, putting an arm around Xander's body.  It let him snuggle better and the armrest got put up for him too.  It was...nice.  Very comforting.  Though he removed the arm anytime anyone came near them.

***

They finally got back to North Carolina and Xander was back in pain.  Roque promised they'd let him take a painkiller and lay down at the house.  It was only twenty minutes away.  Xander nodded and yawned, following him out to the cab area.  Xander even paid for it so they could use the bigger, private cars instead.  They got home and Clay found his note on the door for anyone showing up to get them for meetings or a mission now had a note written on the bottom.  Underneath the 'off rescuing a friend in Canada' was written 'report at ten am the morning you got back or else - General Harmrick, Base Commander'.  Clay checked, it was about fifteen minutes 'til but he could run to the base that quick.  Driving was faster.  He let Pooch take his pack and headed off.

Roque got Xander some water to take his pill and put him into bed.  Xander snuffled the pillows and smiled, falling asleep.  Roque sniffed but they smelled normal to him.  He had no idea why Xander was smiling.  He went to shower, change, get food that wasn't in a wrapper, and then came back to rest with him.  On top of the sheets in case someone from the base broke in.

Clay walked into the base commander's office.  "We're just now back, sir," he said, saluting.  "Within twenty minutes of us getting back."

"Good timing," he said dryly.  "That was a very vague note when I came to talk to you about the problems with the last proposed mission that got canceled."

"Wade had stolen Mr. Harris to Canada."  The base commander gave him an odd look.  "That one you busted our asses about in Peru?"

"Oh, him," he said with a grimace.  "Why did he steal your contact in LA?"

"He was planning on coercing him into marriage, even though Mr. Harris has told him no many times.  There's even a restraining order against him because of that.  Hell, Harris shot his ass twice and he can't get a clue."

"That's pathetic," the base commander said.

"Also, Harris was doing a pretty good job of saving himself, but he was taken the day of his discharge from the hospital for gunshot wounds.  Somehow he managed to drive a car for eight hours with a still healing gunshot wound to his hip."

The base commander shook his head quickly.  "I did some research on him.  With what I found out, I'd say he'd make him pay that pain back."

"Possibly.  He nearly stabbed Roque when he snuck in to rescue him."  He grinned.  "You didn't call for a mission, sir.  Was there one we missed?"

"No.  That uprising was taken care of when we heard why.  Though we agree with the demons' reasons.  So we fixed that too."  He stared at him.  "I want to know more about LA's upcoming issue.  I heard rumors."

"We're still figuring things out and trying to stop them.  Xander did say that he had ended one of the members that was trying the invasion."

"Invasion?  I heard a law firm was going to summon something huge to take down LA."

"Black Thorn is planning on opening a portal from another demon dimension so they can kill us all."

"Huh," the base commander said.  "Does anyone else know that out there?"

"Yeah.  Harris has FBI contacts who hate him having weapons."

"Good!"  He smirked.  "Is he local?  Or did your second-in-command escort him home?"

"He's resting on Captain Roque's bed at the moment.  Roque fed him a painkiller he had available in the motel room and he drifted off again."

"Even better.  You might call out there."

"I'm sure Jensen has."

"Good."  He stared at him.  "You five are a good team, Colonel.  Though it seems you've gotten a bit ...nicer over the years."

"Take that back, sir," Clay growled.  "I'm not nice, never have been nice, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be insulted that way."  The base commander laughed.  "We still kick ass and kill very hard for the Army."

"I know you do, Colonel, but someone NSA thought you might want to switch to a different sort of team?"

"Why?"

"I don't know but I believe they had Harris' file too."

"If so they'd know not to go near him.  He has a pathological hatred of NSA agents after that one group they sponsored sank his hometown.  Who knows what those torturing sickos would've done."

"I hadn't heard rumors about that."

"A mixed group but mostly Army, called the Initiative."  The base commander looked that up and grimaced at what little information wasn't fully classified.  What little he saw showed that the classified parts were probably stomach-turning.  "They summoned or had something summon a very high demon, who got offended at the way they were torturing the lesser species.  So he sank the town."

"Oh, dear."  He went back to reading.  "Huh."  He looked up.  "That I've heard rumors about too.  It was noted he took you vampire hunting."

"Over seven hundred out of more than three thousand.  All in those nifty underground highways the original bad guy in that town had built to win him friends and allies."

The base commander shuddered.  "Sounds like a smuggler's dream."

"There's an underground condo complex," Clay told him.  The base commander whimpered.  "Never been to Sunnydale, sir?"

"No, my mother's people would be driven insane by the power there."

"I nearly scratched for two days."  Clay ran a hand over his hair.  "Sir, do we have to switch?"

"No.  Someone higher up thinks it'd do you good though."

Clay shook his head.  "If we want to quit going to the ends of the earth into situations that remind us of looking under Satan's tail, we'll go private security, sir."

The base commander smirked.  "You are due for a reup this year.  All of you are but Jensen.  He's got an extra two months.  He's due in February."

"I'll let them know that, sir.  Is this because of Bolivia?"

"I think it's because they think your second-in-command deserves some happiness, or Harris does."  He shrugged.  "Let me know, Colonel.  I have paperwork I need to pass to the officer over that."

"Yes, sir."  He saluted and left, going back to the house with a quick stop for some minor groceries.  Even if Jolene had picked some stuff up he doubted she got soda for Xander's habit.  He walked in and found Jolene and Pooch kissing.  The baby was staring from the recliner Roque usually sat in.  "Hey, baby Pooch."  He patted him on the head, picking up Jolene and moving he out of the way.  "I can't get by you and I have ice cream."  She swatted him and went back to kissing Pooch.  "You should see the ring."  He went to put things up.  Jensen and Cougar were in the kitchen playing cards.  "Jolene's here."

"The baby squealed when he saw his daddy," Jensen said with a grin.  Cougar grinned.  "Ice cream?"

"For later.  Base commander wanted us to have a team talk too."

"Roque, team talk," Jensen shouted.

"Let him sleep," Clay ordered.  He went back to the living room.  Pooch had his wife and son both in his lap.  Roque came down scowling.  "I got him ice cream."

"He'll hug you later.  What's the topic of the meeting?  Mission?"

"Two topics.  Someone NSA wants us to switch what type of team we are.  They also thought we were becoming nice.  No reason given but the base commander thinks it may be a 'playing nice with the team out there' thing or maybe not.  He's not certain.  Second, everyone but Jensen reups this year.  Jensen, you're due in February."

Roque nodded, walking off.  "Hell no and I'll consider that."  He went back up to sleep.  He was exhausted.  He hadn't slept on the way up.

Jolene looked at Pooch, who shrugged.  "I don't know, baby."

"All right.  We'll talk and the team'll talk to make that decision."  Clay nodded.

Cougar shrugged.  "Nothing better to do right now and hell no."  He walked off.

"No peeking at my cards, Cougs," Jensen complained, hopping after him.  "I'll consider it and hell no I'm not going to work for the NSA.  I've turned them down every six months for the past eight years."

Clay smirked at Jensen's back because he had figured someone tried but didn't know for sure.

"I agree on the no, I'm army or we'll go private security.  I don't want to be NSA," Pooch said.  "Otherwise, make a decision and I'll consider things."  Clay nodded, going to his own room.  "We should get the box so Roque can quit staring at it and being pissed off," he said more quietly.

"Jolene should see it," Clay agreed, going to take it and show her.

She cooed.  "That's beautiful but 'spensive," she said in awe.

"More than 'spensive," Pooch agreed.  "Jensen said there wasn't anything like it in the store when you went fantasy shopping."

"I don't remember any colored diamonds outside a few yellow ones."  She looked at him. "He blew a wad.  Is Xander all right?  Does he need a shoulder?"

"Wade said he wasn't going to touch him until after the wedding."  She shuddered.  "So he's still good."  He hugged her.  "Thank you for thinking about him."  She kissed him.  The baby let out a squeal, scowling at them.  "Is it your turn?" he teased, smiling at his son.  He kissed him on the forehead, cuddling him too.  The baby tried to latch on so Jolene had to shift to feed him.  Pooch watched.  "I don't ever think I can see enough of that."

"I can," Clay said, hurrying off.

Roque came down to get the ring box, walking off shaking his head.  "I thought it was only hippie chicks that whipped out a tit and slid a little sucker to it in public," he complained.  He went back upstairs.

"You can put it in the gun safe," Pooch called.  "That way you're not staring at it."

"I'm going to put it into mine."  He closed his bedroom door firmly and locked it.

Pooch kissed her on the cheek.  "He's so jealous."  She smirked and nodded.  The baby belched and took a few pants before diving back in again.  Pooch patted him on the back, making him a happy baby.

***

Xander made it home and found someone waiting.  He stared at them.  "What?"  Granger gave him an odd look.  "Tired, sore.  What?"

"Invasion?"

"Fuck if I know?"  He gave him a confused look.  "Blonde lady named Buffy?"

"She's coming over.  We're holding the meeting in your house."

He nodded, unlocking the door and opening it.  "Damn, that stinks."  He opened a few windows and checked.  It wasn't the fridge.  Or the trash.  He went downstairs and called the neighbor on the way up.  "Peter, Xander Harris, the guy on your right.  Are you missing a lawn goat?  Because I just got back from my trip and found it dead behind the house and rotting.  Yeah, little brown and white goat.  The one that liked to come try to get into my garage.  No, I don't think it bashed its head in.  Though I can't tell from the decomp.  Well, I'd suggest a shovel and a garbage bag maybe?  Maybe drop them at the vet's if you want to have it cremated or buried?"  He hung up and found the air freshener.  Jensen hopped in.  Xander gave him a confused look.

"I can't go into the field for another five weeks," he said dryly.  "They're making due with some lesser geek."  He sat down.  "What died?"

"Goat."

Jensen just nodded, shuddering some.  He sprayed some more.  Then he flopped down and stretched out with a sigh of pleasure.

Granger looked at him.  "Stitches nearly out?"

"Another week," Jensen said.  Granger nodded.  Someone knocked.  "Who is it?"

Buffy walked in.  "Making sure someone was here."  She looked at Xander, who was now asleep.  "Awww."  She flopped down next to Jensen.  "Are you the team's appointed placeholder and note taker?"

"Today."  He pointed at his foot.  "Can't go roaming around dealing with bad guys with that."

"Poor baby."  She patted him on the arm.  "You'll be okay soon.  Just like Xander will.  What's that stink?"

"Dead goat."

"Eww."  She went to look and found a garbage bag and a shovel.  It got cleaned up and put on the side yard next to that neighbor's yard.  Then she went inside to wash her hands.  She sat down again.  Gunn came in from his check-in.  "Okay."  She reached over and nudged Xander's foot, waking him.  "I talked to the bar.  They're missing two people but it's not enough."  Xander grimaced.  "We think they found someone for their sacrifice but they still want one of us, particularly you because of the hellmount taint stuff."  Xander nodded once.  "Backup is Willow, then Fred."

"I'd kill them all," Xander said.

"I know.  So would Willow.  We'd all kill them over Fred."  She looked at the agent and Jensen again.  "It'll happen."  Granger groaned, nodding and leaning forward.  "No one knows an exact date but we have a good idea of month."

"That'll help."  Granger looked at Jensen.

"No idea if we'll be in the US.  That can change within hours."

"I remember," Granger admitted.  He looked at Buffy.  "Which month?"

"May.  They were thinking middle but not perfectly sure."

He nodded.  "That gives us three months."  He looked at Xander, who was asleep again.  "Long flight?"

"The only flight with an opening for him was non-stop so he took a pretty good painkiller," Jensen said quietly.

"What's the priority that we need to gather things for?" Colby Granger asked Buffy.

"Drop the portal.  That'll keep them from adding more.  As for their type, bullets will work but it's iffy if we don't hit them in the single five inches."  Colby winced.

"What about magnesium rounds?" Jensen asked.  "They'd set them on fire from the inside."

"I've never seen those used," Buffy admitted.  She looked at the notes she had.  "From Wes."  She looked it over.  "He doesn't say that they're impervious to fire."  She shifted and it woke Xander up.  "Magnesium flares?"

Xander called.  "Magnesium flare rounds, Wes?" he asked.  He listened to him ask someone at the club.  "You're sure?"  He winced.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "Blow the heads clean off.  So large caliber to blow the brain out or do it with swords."

She huffed.  "That's going to be a lot of beheading.  Worse than the zombie thing last year."

Xander grinned.  "I heard about that and you wanting my axe."

"Yeah, it's got a better grip than my sword did.  A hundred zombies," Buffy told the two guys.

"How big is this portal going to be?" Jensen asked.  "Are we talking as big as the sewer system we hunted in?  And how big are the demons coming?"

Xander smirked.  "They're about five feet tall and have you seen that show _Stargate_?"  Jensen nodded once.  "That size at the least probably.  It'll have to have a hard boundary to help steady it or it'll kill whoever's casting it."

"So, like in that book with the white horses," Buffy said.  Jensen moaned, slumping down in his seat.  Xander nodded.  "So we're going to have a full army."

"We can blow something into them to stem the tide and hopefully the portal will snap shut."

"What will shut it?" Colby asked.

"Neither of us is great in things like that," Xander said.  "Ask Agent Grumpy's brother."

"He'd need references."

"Giles has three," Buffy said happily.  "And if you need to expose him to magic and demons, I'll take him to the demon club."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," he said.  He made his own notes, taking Buffy's to look over and copy off what they needed to know.  "Xander, how much stuff can we count on from wherever you're hiding things?"

"At least eight or nine things if we can use medium level instead of the upper levels."

Colby made that note with a nod.  "Where could they be putting this up?"

"They'd need a structure and Giles said there's very few places in LA that you could set up a portal this strong without interference.  LA apparently has a lot of areas that magic is wrong."

"It's spread from Sunnydale," Xander told her.  "Radiation spreads no matter what you do.  Between that, the original native protections out toward the old tribal lands, and all the holy areas from the damn missionaries there's only sections of Hollywood, two neighborhoods in Beverly Hills, and downtown by Wolfram and Hart's building."

"So I'm going to guess it's going to be near there," Colby said, making that now.  "Are you sure?"

"You can unholy the ground but it takes a lot of blood being spilled," Buffy said.  "I asked that part myself in case they were going to since they don't seem to care about bodies piling up."

Colby nodded, adding that at the bottom, then looking at the kids.  "Are they all going to be one type?"

"No," Xander said.

"Yes," Buffy said, looking at him.  He shook his head.  "Giles said it's probably going to a non-mixed one."

"That'd be great but there's no realm that's totally pure.  So we'll have at least a few different ones but most likely the beheading still rocks for them."

"Is there an easier way to behead?" Colby asked.

"Really large caliber shotgun," Jensen said.  "Blow it off."

"Otherwise, we all have a really good sharp and pointy collection," Xander offered dryly.  "Then Wes suggested we burn the bodies."

"Yeah, I think that's almost a given," Colby said.  "Anything we have planned so far?"

"How long would it take if you called the military as soon as they started to pour out?" Buffy asked.

"Somewhere between ten minutes by chopper for the primary guys to thirty or forty for backup troops," Jensen said.  "San Diego would take an hour on a good day unless they choppered them up.  Our base commander was told by Clay.  He asked about something he heard about Wolfram and Hart trying to take down LA by summoning something higher."

"He a partial one?" Xander asked.  Buffy nodded.  Xander gave her a confused look.

"Willow."

"Never mind."

"Buffy, switch with him so he can lay down," Jensen said.  "He can't stretch out there."  She nodded, getting up and helping Xander up so he could lay on the couch.  Xander stretched out.  Jensen rubbed Xander's ankles, getting a grin.

Buffy smiled.  "It's good he has guy friends again.  We clearly warped Xander way too much back in high school.  He could name tampon brands."

"I could do more than name them thanks to you two," Xander said dryly.  "I could identify them by wrapper and in your back pocket."  She swatted him with the notes. He smirked at her.  "Plus I found out *way* too much about boob weight gain, hair issues, and shoes."

"Too bad you can't match clothes," she quipped back with an evil smirk.

"Black, goes with everything," he said dryly.  "As does gray and most shades of brown."

"Good point.  Clearly we had a good effect, even if you do wear ungodly shirts."  She stared at Jensen's.  "And it's spreading."

Jensen looked down then at her.  "I've had this shirt for five years."  She shook her head quickly.  "It's a geek thing, Buffy."

"That's probably why I'll never get it," she quipped.

Colby stood up.  "I'll let you guys tease and play.  Gunn, anything to add?"

"My guys are going to be trying to help but a lot of them will be guarding the shelter and things."

"Agreed.  That's important and they're vulnerable.  Thankfully I work in a building full of agents who can fire guns."  Gunn smirked at him so he left.  He went back to the office with a quick stop for really good coffee.  They'd all need the treat while they made plans.  Too bad Clay or Roque wasn't answering their phones.  He walked in with the tray.  "Break room," he ordered.  "And the boss if he's being read in."

"That bad?" Don asked.  "You got whipped cream."

"Worse.  I got chocolate sprinkles and real caramel in Megan's."  He walked in.  "Guys, we're talking about this spring's issue."  They fled.  "You'll be told later.  It's really horrible this year."  A few others showed up to listen.  Including the boss.  Colby put the papers on the projector screen, looking at them.  "May.  We don't have a definite day."

"Beheading?" Don asked, sipping his coffee.  He needed this.  It was keeping his stomach calm.  "What's the odds we're blowing this out of proportion?"

"If they manage it, we're screwed," Colby said.  "Anywhere from ten minutes to an hour for more than the agents and the local team.  Clay's team may or may not be in the US at all.  Also, we need to know how to bring down the portal.  Giles has references for Charlie and Buffy said she'd escort him to the club to show him things safely."

His boss raised his hand.  "We don't know where?"

"Few locations that're more likely.  Most likely is near their building.  Apparently there's some sort of interference that blocks most of the city.  Outside a few neighborhoods or the desert."

"What's the chance of them moving it?" Don asked.

"Zero.  Huge ass altar according to Gunn last night.  They're all in and out of the city all the time.  We'd all *love* to stop them before they do it.  Three have died and it hasn't stopped them; Buffy had notes that the General that was a member died somewhere in Canada and two are missing, presumed dead.  They're going to try for one of three people for the main sacrifice but they apparently have a backup on hand just in case they can't do it.  If they can do that, Wesley said that they've got it made and it's baby steps from there.  They can do most of those anywhere and it'll still happen here."  He smiled.  "Which is why I got the good stuff for this talk."

Megan nodded.  "Thank you, I needed it."  She took a drink and pushed her hair back over her shoulder.  "Any idea when in May?"

"They think middle of the month, can't be certain.  No one's sure."

"So, we'll be on guard during May, slip some news to the local bases," Don said, looking at their boss.

"One positive.  The base commander at Fort Bragg asked Clay because he heard something was going to happen.  So they know some."

"So there's probably higher ups who know," Don said.  "Good.  So we need to know how to take the portal down as quickly as possible."  Colby nodded.  "Can it be destroyed?"

"I'm told it has to have a solid barrier or it's too hard to hold steady for long enough.  If I had to guess, I'd say if we break the sucker, it dies faster but I'm not sure."

One of the other agents raised his hand.  "Like a magical gate sort of portal?"

"Yeah, from what they said it sounded like the one in that Lackey series."

"Weapons?" Don asked.

"Xander said he has eight or nine bigger but not totally huge things.  We do have those things that we made him put into our storage that we then pissed him off by not letting him have when he needed it.  Plus the rest of that vault."

"Beheading?" Megan asked.

"As Harris put it, sharp and pointy collection or really large caliber shotgun was Jensen's idea."  She nodded.   "Also, some of Gunn's people are going to be guarding the shelter and the things that they protect."

"Agreed," their boss said.  "I'd rather the professionals do it instead of a demon hunting and protecting street gang."

"We have a whole building full of people who can fire guns," Colby said dryly.  "We have bases nearby.  If we have to, we can bomb the building if that's what it takes.  An airstrike, whatever.  Harris suggested we start by blowing something into the portal to try to stem the tide.  He said they're about five feet tall.  The smallest the portal will be is about eight feet high probably.  Maybe a bit shorter.  He compared it to that show _Stargate_."

One of the extra agents looked up from his note taking.  "If I see an Asgard around Harris, I'd probably only walk off shaking my head.  Clearly the strange loves that boy."  The others all nodded.  "Can we get more however he does or go kill a few more arms dealers?"  Don Epps looked at him.  "That first one?  He had to kill one of them with a large bounty on his head to get what he used.  But the guy had been pissing him off all week anyway."  He went back to his notes.  "Are we talking the sort of shotguns that shoot gas canisters or something slightly smaller?"

"I'm going to say as big as we can get them," Colby said.  "Just to make sure the head comes off."  They all nodded.  "Also, burning at the end," he told the boss.

"Of course.  I don't want to know what germs they might carry.  We'll arrange to have the sanitation guys gather the parts to a central location so the fire department can burn them for us."  He made the note to arrange that.  "Do we think City Hall knows?"

Granger grinned at him.  "Before he got shot, last time that team was all in on leave, two officers asked him to handle a pair screwing on the steps of city hall.  The two officers turned out to be one turned one with a plot and his partner, who claimed he was in thrall.  Apparently the mayor told them to go away."

"So he knows about demons," the regional boss decided.  "Good."

"Wolfram and Hart loves him.  They contributed a lot to his last campaign," Don told him.  He turned to look back at him.  "Plus the last judicial campaign they contributed large to six of them and minorly to three others, one of which they seem to hate now."

"On the subject of the evil law firm," Megan said dryly, standing up to look at the agents.  She smirked meanly.  "Someone nicely mailed my team tapes of them sacrificing some people."  The agents all smirked.  "Including three on a jury that their lawyer was handling.  We've put them in for a warrant and the judge told us not to bother, they'd have it slide off them and kill the lawyer responsible.  We pointed out that they had killed some judges as well and he snorted, telling us that's how some judges finally got to move up the ladder and some prosecutors got to be judges.  So we've turned him in.  We've turned the evidence to the higher lawyers to handle.  They're now pissed and seeing how deep the corruption goes in DC."

Don snorted.  "Half?"

"So far, six.  Including one of our state senators.  So, if you know someone who wants to run for public office...."  The guys all laughed and left.  She looked at her team.  "How hard is it to get those sort of guns from the ATF?"

"That would depend on them realizing it and understanding," Don admitted. "The local ones are brass monkeys."

"The DC office?" David asked.

"No clue," Don admitted.  "I've been casually mentioning things."  Buffy strolled in.  "Huge problems?"

"I have to go back to Sunnydale to handle things.  A lot of things."  Don shuddered.  "Yup, and I have almost no backup."  She smiled.  "Know anyone who wants to take a trip?"

The team stared at each other.  "We need to get the local ATF out of their blindness."

"No.  No going to Sunnydale for that, guys.  That's way too dangerous.  If Clay's team nearly died a few times, and they had to evacuate Roque while Xander was holding onto a vein to keep it closed, no.  Around town, yes."

"Xander's in no shape," Colby said, considering it.  "Gunn's crew?"

"Maybe some but not all.  They're mad that slayers exist and there wasn't one in their face before."

"Hmm," Don said dryly.

"Also, the Council wants me somewhere in Central America for the next month.  I've pointed out I have to reduce the huge ass threat.  They said the huge demon down there is a problem.  I told them to call Clay.  They didn't like that answer, especially the part where I'm pulling in more people that shouldn't be part of this war according to them.  So I told them to get Faith out of jail.  They hated that one even more."  She sighed.  "And I know if I go, Xander's going to get up off the couch, grab some weapons, and go handle things."  Colby nodded with a smirk.  "Which he's too injured to do."

"Yup," Colby agreed.  "Why can't they handle a single big demon?"

"Because some of them are wooses.  They fight worse than a teenage Xander did."  Don snickered.  "Seriously!"  She pouted.  "So I need to either be in two places at once or I need to get some backup for Xander going up there."

"When do you have to go?" Don asked.

"Tonight.  But I need to hit Sunnydale within a few days and that's going to be a sucky long trek through the jungle to find the thing."

"Go ask and see if that one's really a problem," Megan told her.  She beamed at her for that suggestion and bounced out.  "Think the ATF guys could handle it?"

Don shook his head.  "No.  Last time, the group got over seven hundred of them."  She moaned and curled inward some.  "Plus the ones Edgerton got... " He snapped his fingers and called her, walking off.  He conferenced in Ian when she said that the demon could be shot with special rounds.  Ian was busy for the moment but agreed he could go once he got the dirtbag he was presently hunting in the mountains.  Buffy offered to help but he said he'd get him tonight.  Buffy conferenced in Giles, who told him about the demon, and it was dangerous, and Buffy told him the plan.  He agreed that'd work.  That plus a lot of ATF agents going to Sunnydale....  Yeah, that'd help and with the apocalypse coming up.

They hoped.

***

Xander walked into the demon bar and up to someone.  "We're going up tomorrow."  She smiled at him.  "You know the drill."

"I do.  Is that team back?"

"No but the ATF here in town needs to get a wakeup smack."  He smirked.  "The FBI said so."  She whimpered, shaking her head.  "So we'll be using flare rounds.  That means anything, and they'll probably be jumpy down there, can get caught."

"I can agree with that.  We'll let the non-vampires know to hide."  She patted him on the hand.  "If not, there's about ten large nests."

"I need maps, that's the other reason I showed up today."

"Boy, you're injured," she said dryly.

He stared at her.  "And?"  He shrugged.  "I'm able to walk.  I'll be in pain later on that night but it'll go."  He looked at her.  "Same as always."  She sighed but got him what he needed.   He scratched her ear, earning a smirk and a swat, before he left.

***

Xander, who was on a very nice painkiller patch that was time released so he didn't get too goofy or out of his mind, unrolled the maps.  He pointed.  "See the red dots?  They're nests."  Buffy strolled over.  "Ten huge nests."  She moaned.  He pointed at the bonfire they were holding.  "I say we start there, free the hostages, then move."

Buffy looked through the binoculars.  "Yup, they've got at least ten hostages and one's my mother."  She handed it back and strapped on weapons.

"Wait on me," Xander ordered, handing one of the guys the map.  "Follow.  We'll be underground after this."  They followed, used to hostage things.  They were trained for this sort of situation.  Though the bonfire was very cult-like and they didn't usually have to deal with that in the LA office.  A few guys had though.

And then the vampires attacked.

Some in game face.

The ATF agents freaked out and started to shoot people.

"You shoot my mother and I'm going to kill your ass," Buffy ordered, moving ones' gun.  "I will make you wish for death while you're fucking that gun."

"Guys, regroup, only hit the vampires," Xander snapped.  He got a few more.  "If I can fucking do this with stitches, you can as agents."  They regrouped and moved in again.  It was freaky but bad.  Very, very bad.  One evacuated the hostages while the rest moved underground.  Two hung back to guide that one once the ambulance took the hostages.  They found more of them in the tunnels.

One tapped Xander, pointing.  "What's that?"

Xander looked then at him.  "A child with a parent who needs their ass kicked or a very high demon who took over a kid.  Take your pick."  He walked over and stared down at her.  "Shouldn't you be inside?  It's dangerous out here."

She gave him a pouty look.  "My mother's boyfriend is being mean and told me to wait out here."

"Show me where you live, dear.  Guys, I'll catch up."

"But..." the head ATF guy said, looking panicky at Buffy's back.

"Dude, I grew up in Sunnydale.  I was born here.  I did some of this in high school."  They all whimpered.  "I'll catch up."  They nodded.

"Be safe, Xander.  Remember your leg."

"I am.  Quit nagging, woman."  She smirked and led them to a nest.  He smiled at the kid.  "Where do you live?"  She pointed.  Xander walked her home.  He put her aside then kicked in the door.  "I'll be goddess damned if you leave a child out there when we're hunting!" he shouted.  The male demon jumped up and looked scared, backing away, babbling.  The mother was crying.  He pointed.  "Go hug your mother.  Ma'am, with all due respect, not even some of my ex's would've found him worthy of wiping their shoes on.  Cordelia would've skinned him for new boots.  You can do better."  The mother hugged her daughter and sniffled.  "The only one?"  She shook her head.  "How old?"

"Nine," she said quietly.  "I think they've already gotten him."  She looked up.  "Knight.  You're hunting?"  Xander nodded.  "The slayer?"

"And some ATF guys we're training.  Which vamps got him?"

"The one by Sunny Rest.  I heard Borkin and he's the main vamp there."

Xander nodded.  "Kick the loose ass out.  You need better."  She smiled.  He left.  "Have him fix the door too since he's an idiot and an asshole."  He went to scope that nest.  Yup, they had the kid.  They had a bunch of kids and he couldn't use holy water because half of them could be killed by it.  Xander checked his load and concentrated.  He knew they could smell human blood.  They were all sniffing.  So he kindly stepped in and shot them with flare rounds.  He did wing one but it went into the wall instead.  That left about seven vamps and some coming up the pipeline.  Xander stared at them.  "Let the kids go and I won't call the slayer here."

"She's weak," he sneered.  "There's two now."

"There has been since we were in tenth grade when I did CPR.  Now, let the kids go."  He threw a holy water grenade back, and winced at one kid screaming.  He tossed some powder on him to sop that up, calming him down.  "I'm sorry."  The little boy sniffled, hugging the back of Xander's leg.  He stared at them.  "You can let the kids go or I can end you here.  The screams mean that the slayer is coming."  The vampires started to look nervous.

"I can easily gas you all and let the parents come get the kids.  I can stake you while you're all down.  I have sleeping gas that will not hurt them."  A vampire screamed and rushed so Xander shifted and staked him, letting the kid hide behind him.  The vamps tried to rush, all but one.  Xander got most of them, got a few bites, and then got backhanded into a wall.  So he came off it and let loose with the hyena, who had some fun.  That last one was sobbing.  Xander shot him.  He went up.

"All right, let's drop you kids off at home or somewhere safe."  They nodded.  Xander led them off.  That little one had parents looking for him.  "Yo, Momma Cursava."  She looked and ran over.  "I had to holy water the vampires who had him but I put on some neutralizing dust," he said quietly.  "He's okay but he's fairly traumatized."  She nodded, hugging her boy.  "You guys should've heard to stay inside tonight."

"We were but they broke into our clan's housing area."

He nodded.  "I understand.  He's a bit dinged and probably a bit traumatized since I handled the menace in front of them."  She nodded quickly.  "Let's get them home?  Can you help?"

"Yes.  Even if one's a mortal enemy of my clan I wouldn't see any child injured."  They got them to a central, protected location, spotting the slayer and the agents.  "They are not the ones from last time."

"No, they're ATF agents being broken in for the spring apocalypse."

"We've heard."

Xander smiled.  "Stay up here that day.  Stay safe.  And if you know what day it is, let us know.  Buffy's usually at the Hyperion or Wesley or Cordelia or Gunn or Fred will take the call."  She nodded.  Buffy stared, mouth slightly open.  "Nest by Sunny Rest."

"Ummmm."  He waved the gun.  "Oh, okay.  I see dust so you holy water grenaded some?"

"Yeah, they were coming up to reinforce and had him."  He smiled at one.  "Your mother is worried sick and she's dumping her boyfriend."  The other mother snorted.  "He made the kids stand outside.  He's going to be in deep shit when I grab him."  He walked the little one off.  "Give me thirty, Buffster."

"Yup."  She helped the mother get the kids safely inside and made sure the door would stand.  "Xander's kind of in pain," she explained with a smile.  "About three weeks ago, he got shot where he was working in a bar."

"We heard.  He's still in pain?"

"Oh, yeah.  It was an unholy mess."

"Poor thing."  The agents stepped in to help and guarded them while parents showed up.  One vamp showed up in gameface.

Buffy looked.  "You can't have kids."

"My girlfriend has two, slayer."  Xander came back dragging a demon.  The vampire stared.  "Can I have him?  I need a snack."

"He's got a kid," Buffy said when he raised his gun.  "We'll let the kid decide."  The girl tugged on her shirt so she looked.  "Is he your stepdaddy?"

"Mommy's nibbling boyfriend," she said.  She was fully human.

Xander pointed.  "Take her with the vamp to make sure they get home safely."  The agent he had pointed at escorted them off.  Xander hauled the demon up in front of Buffy.  "He was trying to kill his girlfriend for daring to care about her kids."

"If we had prisons," she sighed.  She stared at him.  "She good?"

"Bruised badly.  I let one of the healers in and told him about this."  Buffy nodded.  "She wanted him killed and said to please hand this girlfriend abuser to you."

Buffy nodded and stabbed him, making him moan and clutch the wound.  "He's bait.  I'll be damned if I'm going to let any demon hurt any kid.  Or abuse their girlfriend.  I have Willow level of girl anger now, mister."  The demon tried to run but Xander carted him off.  She looked at the staring agents.  "There's no prison.  If we left him, he'd kill her, her kids, and then go on to do it again.  Or she'd kill him.  Or pay a vamp to eat him.  This way at least he's useful."

"Hunting's got loose ethics," Xander told them.  "We know vampires used to be people.  The used to be people now eat others.  That's why it's called hunting."  They all nodded.  "If you guys want to arrest him...."  They all shook their heads.  "Good, then he's bait."   He shoved the demon into the next nest's pipe and they came out to investigate, giving the team ample time to shoot them.  And one got the demon too.

Buffy stared.  "Over too soon since he stuck his girlfriend's kids out to be eaten or hurt."  She walked over him.  They went to finish the nest.  Xander found something pretty hanging up and took it but she just rolled her eyes.  "Your boy won't like that.  It's too fancy."

"I was thinking it's cursed since it was glowing with its own light.  I was going to have Wes or Giles disarm it."

"Good idea.  We can come back to get that stuff for them to disarm."  They kept going.  By dawn, they were covered in dust, bites, scratches, various types of blood, and ichor.   They had packed up all the magical things for Giles to handle with Willow or Wesley.  They were tired, sore, Xander could barely stand, and it was a long day ahead of them with a three hour drive back to LA.  Buffy looked at Giles when he showed up.  "Your crates."

"Thank you, children."  He looked.  Xander held up the pendant and he gasped.  "That's a powerful Light artifact.  What were they doing with it?"

"Dangling from an overhead lamp," Buffy said dryly.

"That's not good.  They were probably using it to torture each other."  Xander was now on his hood, which was warm, on his stomach.  "Does your hip hurt, Xander?"

"Yup.  Your overly warm hood makes a great heating pad.  Thank you."

Buffy looked at the agents.  "Anyone up to driving?  I've been banned since I tend not to do it so good."

The lead ATF agent let out a snort.  "You can't drive?"

"I can drive.  I just pay attention to the sidewalks in case I run into harmful demons.  Literally."

"She also drifts lanes," Xander called, sounding tired.

"We'll drive," the head ATF agent decided.  They went for the vans and found Epps there with Granger.  He stared at Epps.  "They're nuts," he said once everyone had gotten in.  Xander in the cargo area so he could stretch out some.  "They're brutal, they have loose ethics about things, and this is going to drive them nuts."

Don nodded.  "For those who do it, it's a duty.  Like those officers who have a reason to join the force.  And Summers got tapped to do it mystically at fifteen."

"Damn."

"Yup.  This spring there's an invasion of little things that need beheaded."  Don smirked.

"We'll...  I guess we can shoot those?"

"We're pretty sure."

"Thank God.  You're driving."

"That's why we showed up, Philip.  We knew you guys wouldn't be able to.  Last time, Edgerton sniped from up there to get the ones in the open.  They took a commando team down, a Delta team, and got about seven hundred."

"Yeah, that's about our count tonight," he admitted.  He got in to ride back.  Granger and Epps got in to drive the two vans.  His was without the natives.  He looked back.  "Apocalypse this spring, guys.  That's why we know."

"May sometime we think," Don said.

"Yay," one said flatly.  "Can you drop me at a church, Epps?"

"I can drop you at the office so you can cab to one.  There's a nice church up the street and they do know about demons and hunters.  Harris refills his holy water stash there."  They all whimpered.  "The one with all the blue stained glass?  That one."  He turned onto the main road and sped up.  It was getting brighter and the agents were all relaxing slightly.  Though a few looked ready to cry.  Not that Don blamed them, he would too.  "The higher ups wanted a report," he said when he dropped them off.

"Yup, while we're in church."  They went to shower in the locker room and change, then head over there as a group.

***

Roque hung up on the call from a snitch in LA.  "I swear I'm going to beat my boy's ass," he decided, stomping off.

"What did he do?" Clay called.

"Went with Buffy to clean out the tunnels.  With some ATF agents."

"Jensen said he's still in a shitload of pain," Pooch said, looking confused.  "Is he suicidal?"

"No!" Roque snorted, glaring at him.  "That's like us finishing a mission while injured.  He had a time release painkiller patch and a lot of guns.  Saved some kids."

"Good," Clay said.  "At least he took precautions.  ATF?"

"Epps wanted them read in for this spring."

"Jensen said May, probably the middle," Clay told him.  Roque grimaced but nodded.  "And probably downtown."

"Oh, charming," Roque said dryly.  "All sorts of food for the biters who are too stupid to run."  He stomped off again muttering about his boy's stubborn and heroic tendencies that were going to get him dead.

"I'm sure he'd feel the same way about yours," Pooch called after him.  "Jolene does about mine."  He glanced at their temporary tech, then at Clay, who rolled his eyes.  "Four more weeks and Jensen gets his cast off."

"Yup, and then we need to make sure it's working and he won't need rehab," Clay quipped.  "So that could be another month."  Pooch huffed.

"Rumors state we'll be training," Cougar said quietly from where he was cleaning his gun.

Clay stared at him.  "What rumor was that and where are we training?"  Cougar smirked at him.  "Oh hell no I'm not taking a team full of green as fucking grass newbies onto one of our usually fucked up missions!" he shouted.

"Rangers," Cougar offered.

"Still hell no!  Or our own!"  Roque came back looking confused.  "Cougar heard we'll be team training."

"Fuck, I'll retire and go work for a private company," he muttered, shaking his head.

Pooch nodded.  "Yup, definitely."  Cougar shrugged.  They looked at Clay, who was still huffing.  "If so, maybe it'll be in May?  That way we can bring more?  Since Jensen mentioned how to blow off heads."

Roque grimaced.  "Hopefully it won't take swords or Xander's extra axe."  He rolled his eyes.

"What's going on then?" the tech guy asked.

"Something bad is planning something in LA," Clay told him.  "We've been working with the agents trying to stop it."

"Are the higher ups in the Army in the know, Colonel?  I can pass that to other hackers."

"Jensen has to those who already knew something about the threat, kid.  When we have very concrete details we'll be spreading it more openly."  The temporary tech nodded at that, going back to what he was doing.  This was going to be a really long mission and this tech was silent.  It was creepy after hearing Jensen babble for years on end.  Even Cougar didn't really like the kid.  He was *okay* but he wasn't great.  He could do what was necessary, barely, and met qualifications.  That was probably the nicest thing they'd ever say about a temp tech support guy.

***

During May, everyone got more and more uptight.  By the last day of the month, someone was seriously going to break out in a party at midnight on June 1st.  Of course, they'd have a hangover the next morning when it was reported they were starting.  Xander had conveniently found a coffeeshop just near Wolfram and Hart's building to visit and read in every day in May.  He came out with his new mocha latte and paused, gulping it as he speed dialed.  He'd need the calories later.

"They decided June was a beautiful day to start a new world order," he said in greeting, running for his car.  They were already running behind.  The others were gathering and Xander saw the normals actually react and flee.  Which he appreciated a lot.  It was nice some people in LA had sense, though they clearly didn't drive since none of the drivers had sense on the highways.  He grabbed shotgun, shells, and his axe just in case.  He could carry it on his back.  He loaded his pocket with more shells and closed the trunk, heading forward.

***

Granger hung up and stood up.  "It's now."  They grabbed the prepared kits and headed out.  They were only a few blocks from Wolfram and Hart and demons were already by them.  It was a really bad sign.

***

Roque hung up and growled.  "It's now."

Willow appeared.  "Let's get there, people."  They grabbed the supplies they had packed, and the new team's supplies, because they were looking confused, and took them with her.

"Guys, the heads come off," Clay ordered, heading to help.  "Shit fucking hell," he said in awe, staring at all the demons.  "Roque, get the damn portal down."  He nodded, moving forward.  "Jump in, Greenies."  They ran forward to help while Clay called contacts.  Jensen had given him that neat bluetooth thing so he could fire and talk at the same time.  "It's Colonel Clay.  I'm in LA and it's now," he said firmly.  He took another shot.  "Close to two hundred by estimates at the moment and it just started, General."  He hung up and they moved forward.  Jensen was cackling about something.  "Jensen, head in the game!" he shouted.

"They need to burn anyway and the magnesium flare rounds do work," he called back.

"Good!"  They kept going, moving toward the building.  Willow was getting others to help.

***

Willow popped into Traver's office.  "Hi, we have a small emergency," she said dryly.  "There's a demon invasion right now in LA."  She turned on the news station on the tv in his office.  She had connected with them while she was in college over a few of their people needing witches to do bad things.  So she had bound them and brought them to Travers.  "Can Buffy borrow some people?"

He stared then started to call around.  "Beheading," he told them over and over.

"We're using shotguns to blow their heads off," Willow said cheerfully.  "Then we'll burn the suckers.  And look, ATF and FBI are helping.  So you won't have to do the coverup."  People ran in and she brought them back.  They ran forward and she went to help Buffy.  She couldn't use a gun and hated the things but she could sure throw fireballs.

***

Xander ran out of ammo and growled, shrugging and pulling out his battle axe.  The gun went into the back quiver he had for it.  It was awkward but he could handle it.  He moved forward.

Buffy looked over.  "You brought your axe?"

"I ran out of bullets."

"Oh.  Cool.  Did you bring another sword?  I'm about dry too."

He tossed over his keys and pointed.  "We haven't gotten much past it yet."  She ran to get one and came back.  "Someone slam my trunk shut," he called.  One of them did that after handing out swords.  "I want those back.  They're expensive."  He growled and got another one, moving forward.  And they kept going.  "C'mon, someone bomb the damn building!" he shouted.  He looked around to check on people between hits, staring at one.  "Huh," he said, blinking a few times.  He shook his head and decided he needed to move forward.  "Buff?"  She looked over and he nodded.

She looked and huffed then they moved forward.  "It's nice your stalker's being handy," she quipped tiredly.

"Yup."  They heard a jet scream in and Clay was calling frantically to Roque but Xander could only breathe right now.  He'd puke later.  He knew things wouldn't last because of the demons.  Hell, either one could've been shot again on the job and this time not made it.  He was mentally praying that Roque made it out in time but he wasn't holding out hope because that's the way his life went.  The jet shot something at the building, which made it explode and the demons stop coming.  They moved to clean up the remaining mess.  Xander and she even went after the ones that had split off the main group.  That way he could get away from Wade.

Roque found his team and the greenies staring at the mess.  There were a few left.  Cougar shot most of them while the greenies stared in horror.  "Welcome to LA," Roque said dryly.  "Bad shit happens here every spring.  You should see Sunnydale."  He looked at Clay.  "Where's my bitch?"

"He went with Buffy to track some of the last ones.  Because he wasn't sure how someone knew the date and time."  Clay pointed.  Roque turned and looked, then pulled out a knife and headed that way.

"Should we stop him?" Pooch asked.

"Hell no. I think it's fitting Wade decided to give up his misbegotten life by sacrificing it for a demon apocalypse."  They walked off.  "C'mon, kids.  There's ones hiding and lurking who'll cause more damage for weeks."

"Belay that," Epps shouted.  "The military sealed off this area within ten minutes.  There's only ten that got past them and they shot them.  They're moving in to do a building-by-building, Colonel."  Clay nodded at that, taking his trainee team to the higher ups for orders.  He looked at the complaining people.  All of which sounded British.  "How did you guys know?" he asked more politely.  His boss probably didn't want a call from the British consulate and he didn't want to deal with diplomatic crap today.

"Miss Rosenburg brought us."

Willow looked at them.  "It'll take me a day to rebuild enough energy to bring you guys home," she said.  "Sorry."

"We expected to fly back," the team leader assured her.  "Nice work however, even if you are butting in."  He walked off.  "We'll be at a motel and then fly home, Agent whoever."

Don rolled his eyes.  Willow grinned.  "They're the ones who train girls like Buffy.  Aren't you glad Giles is sane?"

"Most of the time, yes.  Was he here?"

"I couldn't get him from Thailand."

"Damn.  Summers and Harris?"

"Faded to finish them off?" she guessed, looking around.  "Isn't that the guy who kidnaped Xander?" she asked with a point.  "I hacked to find out what he looked like.  The rest was uber sealed."

Don Epps stared then nodded.  "And his boyfriend."  He whistled, getting Megan's attention.  She looked where he pointed and shuddered, shaking her head.

"I'm too tired to pull those two apart," Colby admitted.  David nodded he agreed.

Willow walked over, staring at him.  "If you want Xander that much, you have to get past all of us," she told Wade bluntly.  "Because if you're not good enough for him, we'd kill you, even if you were asleep."  She smiled and manifested a small fireball.  About all she could do at the moment.  "Have you even dated my Xander shaped friend?"  Wade was laughing, shaking his head.

Roque looked at her.  "Go sit down, Rosenburg.  This is guy work."

She snorted.  "There's no such thing except sitting on the couch watching sports with a beer.  That's why the Goddess created women."  She glared at Wade.  "Remember, I can have fun destroying you."  She walked off.

Epps walked over.  "Thank you for your help," he told Wade.  "Now please get the hell out of my city."  Wade burst out in new cackles.  "I can have the boy kill you," he offered.

Roque snorted.  "Hell no, that's my fun."  He attacked and Wade fought back.  They had been taught to fight while tired.

Buffy got escorted out by two of the military guys.  "Xander said stop it before he shoots you both," she called.  "And I mean now."  They didn't so she threw the stakes she had hidden on her.  They both yelped.  "Military people are cleaning up things, Roque, and wanted reports from you as well."  She looked at Wade.  "I don't care what sort of hard-on you have for Xander."  She gave her best glare.

"Anyone who would leave him shot on a floor of a bar doesn't deserve him and we girls who are his friends would have to take you out."  She smirked.  "Faith said prison's really nice and I could have a vacation if I join her for killing you."  He walked off snickering.  She rolled her eyes.  Roque was still snarling.  "Down, puppy.  Now.  Military guys are trying to get Xander to join up."

Roque stomped off.  "Where?"  She pointed.  "Is he injured?"

She snorted.  "Aren't we all?"  She looked at Epps.  "They insist it's their job."

"Let me talk to them."  He followed her that way.  "Guys, it's her job."  They al stared.  "It's her appointed job to deal with these things.  Harris helps her with it.  So does Rosenburg.  So let them go if you have them so they can fade, like usual.  It happens every spring, this year was just really bad."  The military commander was spluttering.

"Yeah, two years ago Xander had to blow up a nuclear bomb," Buffy said with a shrug.  "Last year it was a huge demon.  This year we couldn't really use artillery."  She smiled. "So let my people free, to blatantly steal a line."

"You could do good work in the military," the commander said.

"No, thanks anyway.  My mother hates that I have *this* job.  She'd hate me being in more danger more.  Beyond that, there's a whole group in England that'd kill you if you tried."  She took his assault rifle and bent the barrel, smiling as she handed it back.  "They'd better already be heading home."

"Actually, they argued about our medics patching them up."

"Yeah, we don't really like most of the military since a secret project that was military sank our town."  He shuddered.  "Though we like Colonel Clay a lot.  He's really hot and really good at what he does."  She smiled.  "We have plans all set up.  Have since we started to hear rumors about this."  Don nodded.  "We go to FBI man here and he makes them while Xander makes our battle plans."  That colonel shuddered.  "So, want us to finish the house-by-house?"

"No, ma'am, we're doing that," he assured her.  "The president said so."

"Okay.  Have funsies.  Watch out for vamps.  There's some in this area.  Most are stakeable but not all.  Beheading works on anything though.  Also, there's some homeless people in this area.  Please distinguish.  One of our people works with them a lot and his gang will show up.  Fair warning because they can be hard asses."

"Gunn's a good guy," Clay agreed as he walked over.  "Xander's pouting at the butterflies Cougar's doing."

"I usually let Xander and Giles do mine," she quipped.  She walked off with him.  "Is everyone all right?  Don, did we lose anyone?"

"Lots of injuries, one fell to a missed shot," Don admitted.  "But that was in his shoulder and he's all right."  She stared.  "One of the ATF guys."

"That's why I don't like guns as much.  It's easy to hurt others by accident."

"You can do it with a knife too," Clay reminded her.

"I know but at least that'd be in person and you can apologize.  Not from across a parking lot."

"Cougar can get them from nearly half a mile away," he said with a smirk.  "It's very useful on the job."

"I'm sure it is but I can't do that with demons.  They don't usually die that way."  She grinned.  "How long are you doing reports and who's going to order dinner?"

"We're ordering dinner," Pooch assured her.  "And then I'll brave my wife's temper to call her and the son."  Buffy patted him on the arm.  "Thanks.  Why don't you two head back to Xander's house?"

"Yup, we can do that.  Anyone coming with?" she called.  "We're going back to Xander's."

"Me," Xander called.

"Your car has four flat tires and a few claw marks on the trunk," Clay told him.

"I'll have it towed later," the head military guy said as he walked in.  "That black sedan?"  Xander held up his keys, getting a nod.  "Where to?"

"I use the garage on sixteenth and wherever.  Ask Gunn.  He's the bald black guy that's lurking.  His friend runs it."

"Okay."  He made that note as well.  "What if someone wants a debrief?" he asked Clay.  "The Joint Chiefs are swearing heavily."

"I got taught by Xander," Clay told him with a small shrug.  "We helped him weed down some of the problems in their town."  Buffy nodded they had helped.   "She's been doing it since fifteen and him sixteen."

"Damn," that guy muttered, making that note.  "Anyone they can debrief?"

"Rupert Giles," Buffy said with a smile.  "He's my Watcher.  Unfortunately he's in Thailand handling something."  She shrugged.  "Payback for not showing up to die with us," she quipped with a grin for Xander.  Who chuckled and nodded.  Then winced and tried to get away from Cougar.  "Quit being a baby, Xander.  It can't be worse than when you got shot at the bar."

"Yes it is!"  He plucked out the piece of claw, holding it up.

"Eww."  She walked off with Clay again.  "Do we have to watch for Wade?"

"I hope not.  We shouldn't."  She smiled and nodded, leading him somewhere more private.  Most of the guys caught a ride back with them and it was nice.  Pooch ordered dinner with Jensen.  Clay and Buffy got some stress relief to make them rest.  Roque was growling at Xander, who was ignoring the growl and getting a cuddle.  Pooch was avoiding his wife's phone calls.  Jensen wasn't answering his phone either since it was his sister, though he had sent an 'I'm okay' message to make sure she didn't worry.

***

Gunn showed up, handing Xander his keys.  "I drove it back.  Bobby said you owe him close to two hundred."

"I can do that."  He grinned.  "Thanks."

"Welcome, white boy."  He looked around.  "No trainees?"

"They went back to Fort Bragg."  Xander grinned.  "The whole team got recalled for some strange reason.  There wasn't even time for post-apocalypse stress relief."  Gunn laughed, shaking his head.  "Buffy's pouting hard though."

"Who was that guy your boy attacked?"

"Wade.  The guy that kidnaped me to Canada."

"The one that was going to marry you?" he asked dryly.

"Yup."

"Why did he show up?"

"I don't know but Roque got *so* pissed off when I got roses with a nice card saying I looked ultra hot with the sword and battle axe."  Gunn burst out cackling, shaking his head.  "I thought he was going to have a stroke his blood pressure went so high."

"That has to drive him nuts."

"Yeah, just a bit.  He has the ring too, put it in a lock box so Wade can't get it back.  It's pretty but I require wooing.  A lot of wooing.  Wade hasn't gotten his woo on and I don't touch others when I'm taken."

"Good!  Hate to think you were a trifling ho."  Gunn looked around then at him.  "You good?"

"I don't think I can drive and they emptied every scrap of food in the house.  Wanna drive me to go grocery shopping?"

"I can do that," he decided.  Xander got money.  "What happened to your check card?"

"Jensen said someone got into it so I'm cash only for a bit.  Beyond that, I have to find another job.  The boss at the club shut it down."  That got a nod and Gunn took him to the cheaper grocery place, earning a grin.  They shopped, and Gunn got stuff for Angel's crew to eat too.  Then he drove Xander home and cabbed back to the Hyperion.  Xander put things up and laid down again.  He was damn sore.  He hated apocalypse battles where you couldn't use artillery.  "I need to get back in shape.  I could do that a few years ago and be less sore."  He yawned.  "I'll start after a nap."

***

Jensen turned off the feed, staring at Roque, who was smirking at him.  "See, he's just fine."

"Fine."  He walked around the room they had been stuffed into for the debriefing.  He fully hated this.  The higher ups were giving them bad looks.  They might retire them or something.  Or even worse, send them to deal with demon threats all the time.  That would suck.

Clay came back from the debriefing looking worn out.  "That bad?"

"They wanted to know why we brought the trainee team with us.  I pointed out we were down people, they were Special Forces trained too, and they had to be able to handle a sudden battle.  Plus they were there.  I wasn't going to ignore an asset that way."

"They complained?" Pooch snorted.  "We were tougher when we went through."

"No, they didn't complain.  The trainers complained."  Clay grinned.  "The trainees looked at them and told them to suck them."  Roque cackled, nodding.  "They nominated them for Losers 2 and 3 teams."  He sat down and stretched.  "The Joint Chiefs are in and nagging.  They apparently found Rupert and called.  What they heard didn't make them happy.  They aren't happy that the main Council is British."

"Some of their Spec Ops people are good," Jensen pointed out.

"Yeah but the Council doesn't hire them," Roque said dryly.  "They're hereditary."

"They have some commandos on their retrieval and extraction teams but they're for getting girls that act up," Clay said.  "So they're talking with them about taking them over.  Because no one thought to stop press coverage."

Jensen shuddered.  "It's on youtube, Clay."

"Yup, they said that."

"Xander told Gunn about the roses," Pooch told him.  Roque was growling again.  Clay laughed, smirking at them.

"Buffy's already left for Albania for some reason.  Faith's had herself put in solitary to get away from people since some of the Council decided to visit.  She asked and one of the guys somehow managed to sneak in a vial of poison so they're protecting her," Jensen told them.

"It's going to suck when they get nationalized," Pooch said.  "They might make the researchers come out of the library."

"For some reason I keep seeing James Bond showing up with a stake," Jensen said, rubbing his forehead.

"Did you eat puffer fish again?" Pooch demanded.  "The was the last time you hallucinated."

"I had food poisoning from the other stuff, not the puffer fish, and no, I didn't.  I had the same stuff you guys did last night."

"I felt sick all morning because of all the shiny things in formal uniforms I got nagged by," Clay admitted.  "No clue if it was dinner or not."

"I'm fine," Cougar said.  "Wasn't the food."  Roque shook his head, trying the door subtly.  Still locked.

"They're making sure we stay around for questioning," Clay said dryly.  "It might take days."

"Then I'd be bringing in food," Jensen said dryly.  "Before I decide to sacrifice one of you and eat them."

Cougar looked at Jensen, then pulled out the holy water Wesley had gotten him to splash.  Jensen yelped.  "Possessed."

Roque sighed and came over to help hold Jensen down while Cougar did the exorcism.

One of the generals knocked then walked in, catching them doing it.  "Why are we torturing your teammate?" he asked, slamming the door.

"He's possessed," Clay said dryly.  "Cougar learned the exorcism rituals for our team."  Jensen growled and glowed then whimpered and went limp.  "If you sucked up an incubus or succubus, it goes too," Clay ordered firmly.  It mewed at him, trying to bat at him but Cougar got him free.  Clay sighed, looking at his problem-drawing tech boy.  "That's it.  We need to get him something to eat and rest."  He got up and looked at the General.  "We're done for the day, sir.  You can call us back tomorrow."

"We wanted a scan, Colonel."

"Sir, it's out of him and I'm told it doesn't show up on scans."  He wrote down a number.  "Wesley Wyndham-Pryce.  His father's high up in the asskisser portion of the Council."  He let the boys walk Jensen out to their shared ride.  They got Cougar more holy water from the base chapel and went home to make sure nothing else decided to take up root in Jensen's pointy brain.

The general called him, walking off to let the others hear about possessions.  That was very strange.  But apparently they did know a lot out in LA.  Must be why all the strange things were said to happen.

***

One of the generals the next morning looked at just Roque.  He had separated him out for this talk.  "Captain, someone said that you were cohabitating with the person you were staying with?" he asked bluntly.

"Sir, do you remember Wade?" he asked dryly.

"Quite.  I remember you pouting when we got you from the airport because you didn't get to kill him."

"He wants Mr. Harris a whole lot.  Kidnaped him."

"I remember your team going off base without orders to retrieve him."

"We've been protecting him from Wade."

"So, not a relationship?"  Roque stared at him, giving him a funny look.  "I know the rules, the same as you do, but there's all sorts of rumors about date nights and check-ins....  I wanted your take on it."

"We are friends.  I do hang at his place whenever we're out there."

"So no sexual initiations?"

"Sir, I'm not going to out anyone, including myself, even if it was happening.  If I was, I'm not saying a word.  Beyond wondering who I get to thump and kill for spreading such rumors."

The general stared at him.  "All I wanted was to know if you needed time off to visit him?"

"I'll probably visit him a lot.  LA's pretty safe for us to get lost in for downtime.  It has a bunch of stuff to do.  Xander works in the bar industry so he knows the best places to quietly get lit most every night.  He and Jensen go to the theme parks.  The whole team likes to hang at Xander's house."

"It's said he has weapons."

Roque nodded.  "He has an impressive collection," he agreed smugly.  "We adore it when we need to bum something."

"Don't the FBI worry about him?"

"He knows a few agents and they know he has hidden weapons.  They confiscated some before he needed them to blow up a nuclear bomb a few years back.  He's still pissed off about that."

"How....."

"He killed an arms dealer that was trying to woo him," he said with a smirk.  "Xander only draws the really deadly and dangerous.  Which is why Wade thinks he's a pinup."

"I can see that reasoning," he decided.  "But you're not together?  No upcoming nuptials?"

"I've heard some of the peaceful demon communities were taking bets on that but no.  I'm not the marrying kind, sir."

"That's fine.  If the rules should change..."

"Then it'd be a happy day for a lot of commandos I know who are gay," he said dryly.  "Anything else, sir?"

"No, Captain.  How is Corporal Jensen?"

"Tired.  He has a headache.  Apparently the succuba he inadvertently sucked in gave him a migraine."

"Is it gone?"

"Yup.  No taint left.  We nearly drowned him in holy water getting all that out of him."

"How did you meet Harris?"

"Remember Clay calling in some commandos picking on a stripper?"  The general nodded.  Clay had made that report to him when he was the base commander.  "That was Xander."

"Oh!"  He nodded once.  "Is he still...."

"No, because of people like Wade trying to get him.  Mostly because of Wade actually since Wade nearly killed a whole club to kidnap him."

"Huh.  I didn't think a man like Wade was gay."

"That's a stereotype, sir.  Through Xander I've met some of the toughest gay men ever.  And then I've met some of ours that're tougher than some of them."

"Fine.  Thank you, Captain."  Roque nodded and left.  The general made notes.  Rumors from an underground community and a law firm that was evil and on the FBI's list of people they wanted to bring down wasn't enough to take action on a report of a commando being gay.  Even if they had pictures of Mr. Harris being happy and squealy with the whole team.

***

Pooch finally made it home and stared at Jolene for a minute.  She looked pissed off.  "The generals kept us in a little room for the most part.  They asked us insane shit for days, sweetie."  She still threw the vase she had been dusting at his head.  "Hey!  It's not my fault!"

"It's not his fault," Clay called from outside.

"Get your asses in here," she yelled.

He leaned in.  "I'm dropping Jensen off at the airport then we'll be back."

"Is Roque already on a plane?" she asked dryly.

"No, he's coming later on.  The former base commander asked if he was gay."  He left, taking the sleeping Jensen to the airport.

Pooch stared at her.  "I wish I could've been home sooner, Jolene.  It wasn't my idea to lock us in a little room and let Jensen be possessed."

"Why?" she asked calmly.

"No idea, he had three, and one was a succuba."

She snorted, walking toward the kitchen.  "Go play with your son.  I'll beat you later.  When I can get the rest of you."  She called Jensen's sister to warn her that he was on his way up.  Then she called Xander to talk to him.  He was clearly in a bar since it was loud.  "Working already?" she asked, checking the clock.  "Huh.  That's nice of them, Xander."  She smiled and walked outside to talk to him.  It was a pretty day to beat the hell out of her man for worrying her.

Pooch went into the nursery, smiling at his son, who was playing with his feet.  "Hi, son."  He picked him up, hugging him.  "You're so much better than every single general there is."  His son smiled and pulled on his ears, happy to have him back.   "I missed you too."  They sat in there to cuddle so he could avoid his wife's temper some more.

***

Clay walked into the meeting room and nearly turned and marched right back out.  Three generals, and the president, without Secret Service guys.  Charming!  He saluted once he had the door closed.  "You requested to see me today, sirs?"

"Do you think that the bigger threat to the US is the demon threat, drug lords and arms dealers, or Wade?" the president asked.

"Wade, because he's a good minion with a lot of contacts but I'm sure Roque's going to be killing him soon for stalking."  He considered it.  It sounded like they were trying to decide what his team was going to be doing for the next little while.  "Otherwise I'd put them about equal, sirs.  The demons with plans are fairly strong and hard to kill, some even take special weapons.  Some are law firms that has government contracts."  The president stared at him oddly.  "Wolfram and Hart?"  He nodded a bit with a slight smirk.  "They're the lawyers for the evil ones, sirs."

The president wrote down that name.  "I'll have to look into them."

"I'm told that they have their people sign contracts for their souls, both their employees and clients. The team in LA has been fighting against them for years."

"Wonderful," he said dryly.  "How many more might be making plans, Colonel?"

"Sir, anyone can make a plan.  It matters if it's a good plan, an idea fairy plan, or a crackhead plan.  Some of the vampires in Sunnydale had crackhead and idea fairy ideas.  They usually got handled quickly by the team out there.  The ones doing things in LA and Sunnydale for the true apocalypse battles in the spring aren't usually vampires and are usually higher demons.  None of them have wanted to touch the area of terrorism however, they'd like to rule the earth and make it a demon world again.  I'm told that's how it started out.  And then some higher ups or someone created slayers."

"I've seen their history," one of the generals said.  "I went home and got drunk.  Broke ten years of sobriety for it."

Clay nodded.  "That's about what my team did too.  Though one of my guys added in a drunken call to his wife."

The president smiled.  "If you're guessing we're thinking about training issues, you're right, Colonel."

"Sir, I suck at it.  Ask the greenies I was just forced to mangle."

"They said you gave better advice than the trainers," another general told him.  "They said all that hunting training you gave them helps a lot with urban combat situations.  Especially that tunnel work you put them through in Sunnydale."

"Fortunately I only had to smack one for being a 'let God sort them out' sort, sirs."

"I would've beaten the shit out of them," the first general admitted.

"That was Xander's correction method as well.  And then he lectured."  He smirked.  "We all learned a bit from his mistake."

"How trained is the Council?"

"A lot of them are the white guy researcher stereotype.  I'm assuming most field watchers get more training than the research guys.  Both Rupert and Wesley were pulled out of the library to go to Sunnydale.  Wesley when Giles got fired for treating his slayer like a daughter instead of a warrior.  Apparently there was a mystical birthday present test according to Miss Summers.  One that robbed her of her gifts and stuck her in a house with an insane vampire without a weapon.  And her mother hostage."  They all glared.  "They apparently don't like them to get too old, it means they're not as fast and bendy as Buffy put it, sirs."

"Huh," the president said, making that note as well.  "How are slayers trained?"

"One watcher, one slayer, somewhere in the world."

"Her family?" one of the generals asked.

"No.  Buffy was missed."  He smirked.  "Faith was missed as well but her upbringing was bad and so was the torture she underwent before going to Sunnydale, which was what led to her slip to the darkside.  She's apparently got her head on straight now.  She'll be out in about a year we think."

"I looked up that incident," one of the generals admitted.  "It seemed it wasn't just her fault."

"Buffy admitted that much, yes.  But Faith was also led astray and joined the former mayors' team for a bit."

"Ah!  So that's why they charged her," that general said with a smirk at the others.

"Yes, sir, but a year before she and her watcher, who had saved her from the streets of Boston, had been tortured by a very old vampire.  She had watched her watcher die from it."  They all nodded at that.  "Faith can come back, she's showing signs she wants to stay straight and narrow now."

"Would you think that the military might help by taking in the trainees?" one of the generals asked.

"No, sir.  I don't.  I think Summers has proved that the best way to do things is to have a supportive team like my team.  People who cover the major duties, back each other up, help you when it's a really bad day, and who'll watch your back.  I believe if the military takes them over, they'll ruin the girls just as much as the Council does, only slightly less emotionally stunted.  Buffy met one of the Council raised girls.  She had never talked to boys, didn't know how to shop, had one outfit, and had put all her life's frustration into hunting.  Her lone, favorite possession was a stake she gave Buffy that she had carved.  I think the military would end up doing about the same thing only less emotionally distancing.  Also, I doubt the military wants to teach the girls how to deal with magical things."

"No, I don't," the president admitted.  "How much of that crap is there in hunting?"

"Loads.  From protections to summonings you have to counter or use sometimes, to spells you have to interrupt.  It was a spell that opened the portal that allowed that demon plane to vomit into LA.  I'm just glad it was LA.  Most cities would've been more traumatized.  LA and San Francisco are too used to weird things to do more than quietly fix the damage."

"Are there demons up there?"

"I'm told there's a whole peaceful hippie commune of them," Clay said with a grin.  "They have kids, their own school and med clinic, all that.  They just 'ohm' all day and meditate to the Goddess."

The president shook his head.  "No deaths?"

"Not many.  I've heard there's some vampires but they let their brethren in LA know to warn them if Miss Summers showed up so they could all flee to the east coast."

"I can see that point, I'd run too," one general admitted.  "If she was going to kill me for existing."

"Summers and her team, and Lehane, *all* pride themselves on only hunting the hunters.  Though I believe that the vampire in charge of the LA team will someday grow up and quit taunting Xander into staking him, or beheading him, the rest of them know that killing people brings a slayer.  Feeding slightly from hospital discards, club kids but not killing, or even the butcher shop keeps a slayer away from them.  Minions are cannon fodder.  They're dumb and cannon fodder, sirs.  Of course they do stupid things that draw a slayer.  The older, smarter ones lived so long because they didn't do dumb things."

"Is it an automatic transition if you're fed on?" the president asked.

"No, but having an army of minions is like having your own personal army, sir.  It's a status and power thing."

"I can fully understand that.  I felt very powerful the day they told me the Army was mine to lead," the president said dryly.

"Beyond that, sir.  They consider minions easy pickings and can always make more.  You have more sense about not throwing us at unreasonable things."

"Thank you for that compliment, Colonel," he said dryly with a smirk.  "I'm glad I don't rate on their scale."

"Oh, no, sir, you have your days but you're usually yelling at other world leaders."  The president cackled, nodding that was true.  "Beyond that, the system is broken but fixable.  Stepping the military in as more than training for hand-to-hand, because the slayers are faster, stronger, and have more stamina, as proven by Buffy formerly being able to shop all day for a perfect pair of shoes, or so she said.  Fortunately she's grown up thanks to her traveling for her duties."

"She was?" the president asked.

"Yes, sir.  When Sunnydale fell in, most of her team settled in LA to help out there while she traveled to handle some of the issues the potential slayers were having.  She also told them about free will and self decision making.  Plus how backup had helped.  I'm told the head people at the Council loathe her for that and upped the price on her head again because of it.  To those sort, slayers are useful tools.  Some are better at it however."

"I don't much like Mr. Travers," the president admitted.  "I met with him and I wanted to shoot him in the head.  How much is his price on Mr. Harris?"

"He loathes Harris more than he hates demons, sir.  Harris created the two-slayer situation thanks to CPR.  He warped prophecies.  He stepped into what they thought was a single girl's battle to help her.  They blame him for the root of all evil.  If he was Satan they'd like him more.  So they're offering a toasty and cool half a mil for him and about sixty thousand, translated from Pounds, for Slayer Summers.  They're scared to death of Rosenburg so they won't do more than shoot her on sight if she's acting up.  She had some issues with her powers becoming more important in her life than her brain.  Tried to enforce her will on people, that sort of thing."

"I got those notes as well from him," the president sighed.  "He thought them all very worrisome and very bad for humanity."

"No, I like Xander.  He's a good kid.  He draws psychotic mother fuckers who want him.  I always know anyone who dates him is dangerous, deadly, and should mostly be shot on sight.  My whole team is looking forward to doing that to Wade the next time we run into him.  Though we have all agreed that Xander gets to keep the ring Wade bought him," he finished with a smirk.

"Huh," the president said.  "He's still in lust with him?"

"He believes Xander is the perfect wife.  Xander has pointed out repeatedly he's not a wife.  Or a girl.  When Wade stole him from UCLA's hospital the day he was being discharged for the severe gunshot wound he got at work, which was bouncing at a bar, he healed long enough to get free, then escaped.  Somehow, with a slightly open wound and stitches, he managed to sit up for eight hours in a car to drive as far away from Wade as possible."

The president blinked.  "I think that's a fairly good sign he didn't want him, yes.  I heard you went to rescue him?"

"We helped extract him from Canada.  My whole team likes Xander."

"Good.  Is he... team fun?" the president asked.

Clay stared at him.  "No, sir, I'm usually found fucking Summers," he said dryly.

"Oh, I see.  All right.  Is it..."

"She's very squealy, yes, sir."  He smirked.  "And she'd probably want to spar with me for saying that."

"That's good then.  Is it serious?"  Clay gave him an odd look.  "We were thinking about gathering the potentials and creating a training area for them."

"I'm told they're all over the globe to handle minor things that're happening wherever they are, sirs."

"Interesting.  Even though they don't have the full gifts yet?" the president asked.

"According to what we've heard, yes."

"Huh.  I'm going to kill Travers."

"Buffy would like popcorn since he endangered her mother."

"I'll see if we can arrange that then."  He smirked.  "Training yes?"

"Training would always be a good thing.  I'm not sure who would be best to do it though.  It'd have to be someone who was excellent at hand-to-hand and weapons, modern and ancient.  Before she traveled, Summers hated guns.  She wouldn't let any of her team even carry one for self defense.  Now she sees the point of them but still doesn't favor them.  She favors stakes and swords.  Harris favors guns, artillery, and battle axes."  He shrugged.  "You use what works."

"Yes you would," the president agreed. "So good hand-to-hand, good sword and gun skills, and tracking," he said, making note of that.  "Could your team take a slayer and train them competently?"

He considered that.  "In everything but demonology.  We only know the basics and whenever we asked Rupert Giles anything he lectured.  Wesley put it in shorter lectures."

"So, that'd be something that she'd need to learn outside of commando skills," one general said.  Clay nodded.  "What if we put teams in the Council, or at their help?  Put a girl with a team and a person who knew demonology?"

"I think it'd help a lot but there's only usually one called at a time so they'd have a lot of pre-teen girls to train.  Summers got called at fifteen.  At eighteen if they're called they get that sucktastic test.  Most of the girls don't last long, and that would solve some of that, but girls have been called as young as eight according to Wesley.  Fortunately it's now usually older."

"So if Summers dies," the president said.  "It's only Lehane and whoever?"

"No, Summers died, it moved to Kendra, but Buffy retained it.  Kendra died and activated Faith, and Buffy's still surviving, sir."

"So, Lehane dies and we get a new girl and Summers if she's still living," he said.  Clay nodded.  "And a bunch of preteen girls who've been raised like little underground militia members."  Clay nodded again.  "What if they're not dying young?"

"They keep going until they die, sir.  That's what slayers do as I'm told.  Buffy thinks she'll never make it to retirement and if she did, something would come for her.   She's already having things hunt her down to test themselves against her.  Some day she'll be too slow, a bit too achy, not as flexible as she was at fifteen...."

"The same as the really strong commandos never make it to retirement because we throw you guys at the harder stuff," the president sighed.  Clay nodded.  "What if something happened to Lehane and they did CPR?"

"I'm assuming the same as last time but I'm not totally sure.  I know that when each girl is called, the spiritual resonance of the prior girls is passed into them to gift them with the special gifts and knowledge.  Faith has admitted she has some of Buffy but as far as I know it won't matter.  Though there's some that insist having two is why Faith went dark."

Willow appeared, clearing her throat.  "No, it wasn't.  The spirit's not all that strong in Faith.  Hers was her upbringing.  The same as Xander's a bit darker."  Clay slapped her on the head.  "Ow!  Mean shit!"

He glared at her.  "Shut up about things you don't know about, Willow.  You've never even sat down and talked to Faith.  You have no idea what she's been through in her life."  She gaped.  "You're turning back into a judgmental bitch again."

She glared.  "I should make it so you and your *team* have to train the girls," she sneered.

"Sure, we can remove them to another country," he said dryly.  "One with a lot more natural space.  Xander too."  She gaped.  "You'd be shot on sight."  She pulled up power and he pulled a gun.  "Mine's faster.  Go get right with the Goddess again, Willow.  Before we put you back on seventy-two hour confinement."  She huffed off.  He put his gun back.  "And that was Miss Rosenburg's magic addiction speaking," he said dryly at the horrified looks.  "I wouldn't let them stay in the US, sir.  Too much risk of people trying to help in the wrong way.  They'd have to have time to adjust and we'd need room to train."

"That's actually reasonable," the president agreed.  "Plus it'd keep the Council and the army out of it."

"Mostly, yes, sir.  We'd arrange for people to help without having everyone in to help."

"That's a good plan.  Where would you put it?"

"I don't know.  Mexico?  It's got a lax government, no CPS people to look in on them and try to interfere with training times.  Plenty of varied hunting environments for training and work purposes.  Easy travel to handle things.  We'd definitely be able to clear the drug dealers and other assholes out of an area and take it over."

The president nodded.  "How about cold training?"

"Most of them don't like the cold.  But we can travel anywhere to do that.  There is a lot of activity right now in Central and South America from what I hear.  Summers had to travel that way frequently.  Europe is too crowded but we can set up in the jungles down there quickly and easily enough."

"With the right people it can be self-sustaining," the general who hadn't said anything agreed.  "Helping the villagers would get you a good support group locally."  Clay nodded.  "Good planning, Colonel."

"Thank you, sir, but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that.  If she does create that sort of situation, we'll help the LA team through the mourning if permitted."

"That'd be fine," the president agreed.  "There's rumors, and she brought this up as well, about Harris and your 2IC?"

"Rumors, sir.  We do tend to stay at his house.  He has a huge tv, doesn't mind the company, and my whole team treats him like a little brother.  Though if Rosenburg's plan does happen, him and Summers would both not be totally helpful with the other training.  They're scarily self-trained for the most part.  She had an earlier watcher that helped but all hers is instinct and things.  All Harris has is self-training."

"Huh," the head of the Army said.  "I was wondering how he learned to use a battle axe that way."

"At one point in time he was possessed by a PFC in the Army," Clay offered.  "It left him with a lot of information but also expiring base codes when they needed it to kill something huge in a mall."

"I saw that report.  I wondered if that base was that lax," the head of the Army said with a smirk for him.

"No, Xander said that was his best date in high school actually."

The president shook his head quickly.  "I think the boy's insane."

"They took a friend."

"I understand why he did it.  It's fairly classic and the fact that people call him a White Knight is telling, Colonel," he said dryly.  "I still think he's insane.  I'd hate to have that job."

"Me too, sir.  It keeps giving me headaches when vampires go to dust instead of die like proper bodies."

The president smirked.  "Smartass."

"Often, sir."  He grinned.  "That's why they gave me who they did."

"I like your team, Colonel.  Let us talk for a few minutes.  Go get some coffee."  Clay saluted and left.   "Well....  We have a semi-professional opinion since he knows more than most of the military people do about this topic.  I want ideas."

***

Clay came back to LA with his team.  Who was looking anxious.  Xander picked them up and brought them back to the Hyperion.  Buffy was sitting on the old check-in desk doing her nails while Cordelia bitched about the bills.  Everyone else was standing around waiting.  Clay let his team file in.  "There's some news from the higher ups."

Buffy looked at him.  "We confined Willow again."

"Good."  He looked around.  "The president wants to put the pre-slayers with a team."

"As in..." Xander said with a wave.  Clay nodded.  "Why?"

"That'd be supportive teams they could use," Buffy said.  Clay nodded.  "No watcher though."

"They'd learn to train together and they'd all get the same lectures.  There's apparently a lot of pre-teen slayers but not any in the 2-5 year-old range."  She looked confused.  "We don't know either.  There's another gap in the 8-12 range.  There's only two.  The rest are between the gaps."

"Huh.  Okay.  So they missed more," Buffy said dryly.  "That figures.  We're fantastic though."

Clay smiled.  "You're getting our team."  She gaped.  "Because we've worked together, and when Faith gets out, she'll get her own.  Here or not.  Sunnydale or not."  Xander scowled.  "No, you don't get shoved aside.  None of us know swords or battle axes.  We're in for the big things.  And if she has to travel.  Also, Sunnydale is being reopened in a few months."

"We're going back," Buffy agreed.

"Good.  We're all going back."  She gaped, dropping her nail polish brush.  Cordelia grabbed it and put it back into the bottle.  "The president wants Sunnydale under military authority and the firm hand of you or Faith when she gets out.  Or Faith could travel like you have been.  I'm not sure."  She nodded once, then slumped.

"We found a demon bar in DC and talked to them.   They said as long as it's not the Initiative restarted, it'd be mostly fine and would give you more backup so Xander could find a job he really liked," Jensen said.  "Plus we'd help out with the whole Willow issue and other issues.  Including clearing up a lot of the hell of the vampire menace up there.  The younger ones are going to be taken from the Council, which the UK government is having issues with.  They're moving back to research only because they talked to some of the pre-slayers."  Buffy winced.  "Travers is going to jail for a few things, including putting a contract out on you and Xander."

"Okay," Buffy said.  "So....  I'll have you guys and Xander helping?"

"Here and LA," Clay agreed.  "We can help with both areas.  Even in the spring.  As long as they're not minutes apart."

"Huh," Cordelia said.  "So you'd be our backup team too?"

"Yup.  We're close enough and all the other girls are very young.  If any don't get called, they'll have ways of protecting themselves, education in place, and might be encouraged but not shoved to go military later on by their teams.  Someone on each team will be adopting the pre-slayers.  Because no one kept records of who their parents were."

"That's in the genetics lab," Wesley told them.

"No, we raided that too.  They burned it," Roque told him.  "They burned the whole lab down."  He looked at Xander.  "Also, the weapons you've been working on, we're supposed to field test and pass along."  Xander grinned at that.  "So, we're all moving to Sunnydale.  We're officially on detached assignment.  The same as the guys who get to guard embassies are."

"We're to keep things peaceful and see if we can tweak any clans or whatever that might cause problems so we have peace treaties," Jensen added with a grin.  "Cougar and Pooch are our diplomats."

"I know most of them," Buffy said with a small shrug.  "What's the bad?"

"Us always being underfoot," Clay said.  "Possibly getting a bit restless."

Xander snorted.  "We got at least ten vamps a week, guys.  It's never boring in Sunnydale."  The others all nodded.  "Is Spike coming back with us?" he asked.  "Since we finally found him and he's chipped by the bastards who sank the town."

Clay shrugged.  "That's up to you guys.  We're here to lurk, help, and shoot vampires in the tunnels for you."

Buffy nodded.  "That'd be a really big help," she agreed.  "What happens if we get it calmed down?"

"By then it'll probably be spring," Jensen quipped.

"Oh, yeah, then."  She nodded.  "Okay.  We'll get you guys more hooked into the kitten poker circuit.  They're putting up new houses now.  I'm not sure which one Mom wanted or if she's moving back too."

"I'm meeting with one of the bars up there to talk about a bouncing job," Xander said.  They all nodded.  "I'm getting an apartment on the east side."  He found the information on the new housing developments and maps.  "Here, I've got one here.  I'm selling my place and buying there."  They all nodded.  "We might have some problems here and here.  With the way things fell in, it destroyed two cemeteries so they razed them and built housing projects over it.  One poor people houses."  He looked up.  Clay nodded at that.  "If you guys want outer ring instead of closer to the hellmouth, I'd suggest these areas."  He pointed.  "Some are houses, some are apartments, whichever way you guys wanna do it.  Pooch, is Jolene and the baby coming?"

"Outside town.  I don't want my son to glow from hellmouth radiation.  Also, they've got meters to warn us when it's starting to act up."  Buffy and Giles both smiled at that.

Xander shook his head.  "Half the time it's someone wanting to open it, not a bursting open like a zit thing.  And it's back under the new high school too."  Buffy stared at him.  He handed over the maps.  "It's under the gym this time."

She stared and whined.  "Why?"

"Mayor's cocksuckers took over?" Xander guessed, shrugging a bit.

"Good point I guess."  She put it down.  "We'll figure that all out."  The guys smirked at her.  "When are you moving, Xander?"

"Six months.  I'm talking to agents right now about selling the house."

"That'll work," Clay agreed.  "Bigger, smaller?"

"Condo.  Four bedrooms."

"Why can't you get a house?" Pooch asked.  "It'd give you more room for weapons."  Xander smirked.  "Oh, no."

"Oh, yeah.  My storage area's still up there."  He smirked at them.  "I'll introduce you when we all get up there.  Want to go play some kitten poker?"

"Sure," Clay decided, letting the kid lead the way.

"Sometimes I worry that we made Xander too strange and he's compensating for all the girls around him," Buffy sighed.

"It's possible," Clay admitted.  She smiled at him.  "The team we were training will go to Faith when she gets out."

"They were kinda nice.  Mostly polite.  They learned not to destroy the peaceful things."

Clay nodded.  "He's still remembering that beating."

"Good.  It's always good when they don't hurt the harmless things."  She grinned.  "I'll see where Mom's putting us or I'm going tomorrow."

"That'll work," he agreed with a smug look.  She grinned back.  He'd have to make sure it could get loud.

***

Pooch looked at the people who were selling the house.  "How steady is the basement area?"  They looked clueless.  "When the sinkhole happened that got most of the town, how did your house do?"

"We barely felt it," the wife said.  "Are you moving in to work at that new tech program?"

He smiled.  "Actually, my wife, son, and I are retired military.  I'm going to be teaching a few things up at the college and so will she.  She's teaching in the Economics department."

"Aw, that's wonderful," the wife said with a smile.  "You hear such bad things sometimes about military personnel but you seem very nice.  When is your wife going to be able to come see the house?"

"She'll be out day after tomorrow.  Today I'm previewing since I'm giving her the final decision," he said with a smile.  They smiled back and showed him around.  The housing in Sunnydale sucked badly.  The basement had huge cracks in most of the ones he'd seen.  Not from the 'quake' that had happened when the base sunk in, but because they were cracked.  He came out calling Jolene to tell her about that house.

Buffy smiled.  "Hi, Mrs. Johnson.  Xander Harris said to say hi too."  The former fourth grade teacher smiled and waved back, going back inside.  She looked at him.  "Want to look up the road at that other house?"

"Please."  He let her navigate.  She had gotten a suggestion from her mother.   It was in the next school district.  Thankfully.  It was a nice older house.  He got out and looked it over.  "How long has it been abandoned?"

"Before we moved.  Barely.  Mom said that she was told the owner committed suicide thanks to the ghosty ghost in the attic driving her to it."  Pooch stared at her.  "I'm told we can fix ghosties."

"I'd hope so."  He went to look in the windows.  "Is this area stable?"

"Yeah, even when we have massive quakes hardly anything in this area shakes.  That's why Mom thought about that house."  She grinned.  "The realtor's still alive," she said with a point at the sign.  "I don't know how since he likes to party all night at the Bronze and pick up underage girls."

Pooch called and talked to them about that house.  It was large.  More than large enough for his family, which would hopefully be growing soon.  He wanted the kids to be close together so they got along most of the time.  He was smiling so what he heard was good Buffy decided, looking around the area.  She looked up at the attic, staring at the ghostly figure staring back.  She smiled and waved.

The ghost floated down to stare back at Pooch, who only looked back.  The ghost smiled and faded.  Pooch asked about the haunting and they said it was rumored to be but it was mostly a polite spirit.  That they could have the house blessed or whatever.   He agreed he could do that and they agreed to come out to let him look around.  He hung up and walked back.  "I think it liked me."

"I hope so."  She smirked.  "I'll ask Giles just in case."  He grinned back.  The realtor got there a few minutes later, giving Buffy an odd look.  "I'm navigating while he looks since I'm helping his group settle in."

"That's fine, Miss Summers.  I saw your mother recently."

"I saw her last night for dinner."  She grinned.  "She's kind of excited that Sunnydale's reopening."  The relator smiled and showed him the house.  He came out babbling at his wife and son about it.  The ghost had liked him a lot, patting him on the head.  The realtor had ignored it in finest Sunnydale fashion.  So it was good for everyone.  And the house was cheap, which was a great bonus.

***

Xander walked into the Bronze that night already scowling.  "Roque, can I have the spare couch for a week?"

"Why?" he asked with a grin for his good thing.

"Because the guy who was selling my condo building just set it on fire for the insurance money."  He sat down.  "They're *really* very sorry.  They also said I'm getting my money back tomorrow because I promised I was going to shove a grenade tube up his ass and fire it."  He smiled.  "I even pulled out the one in the trunk to demonstrate."

Clay looked at him.  "Won't that get you in trouble?"

"No, probably not.  Hey, Officer Paul!" he shouted, getting his attention.  "The whore that was building where I was going to be living set it on fire.  I saw him do it.  I'm the one who called the fire department.  He's promising we're all getting our money back or else I vowed I'd find something to kill his stupid ass."

"Sure, Harris."  He smirked at him.  "How are you affording there?"

"I'm selling my semi-beach front in LA."

The officer whimpered.  "Did you become a boytoy?"

"No, I dated an arms dealer," he said dryly.  The officer whimpered.  Xander smiled.  "I'm *sure* I can get something to deal with him if the police don't."

"I'm fairly certain we can do something about him," he decided, calling his boss.  That would let them have some fun too.

"Any idea where you're going instead?" Clay asked.

"Three ideas."  He looked back at the officer.  "Make sure he pays us back first, Officer Paul.  His wife's a whiny thing that's blessed herself to Artemis and Athena."  Paul shuddered, he knew about her.  He turned back around with a grin.  "It's nice that real estate up here is *so* much cheaper than in LA."

"It is," Pooch agreed.  "Or around Fort Bragg.   I could get three houses for what ours there sold for."

"My real estate agent in LA thinks I can get really huge ass money for mine," Xander said with a grin.  "Especially if I want to leave the tv."

"No, bring it with you," Roque said.  "That way we can bum it for games."  Xander shrugged but nodded.  He sipped his beer.  "Why is it a place like this has to give out shitty beer?" Roque asked.

"Because they usually serve college kids and below, but it is technically all ages," Xander said dryly.  "They do have microbrews available if you ask."  He went to get one and came back, letting Roque steal it.  "That's my favorite."

"No ID checks?" Pooch asked quietly.

"Yeah but they know me here.  And my former parents."  He grinned.  Buffy came strolling over.  "Did we see the pretty fire?"

"I did and nearly had flashbacks to villagers dancing around fires like I saw on school filmstrips," she said, sitting down.  "Where are you going to park yourself instead?"

"No clue yet.  He did promise I'd get my money back because I vowed I'd kill his dumb ass."  She grinned.  "I even proved I could."  She laughed.  "Beyond that, I have a few places in mind."  She nodded. "Pauletra's house is open."  She whimpered.  He grinned.  "He was our resident drug dealer back in high school.  We know he's got a basement sealed area."  Clay shook his head at that.  "And a paranoid bunker."

"And a sauna," Buffy added with a smile.  "And a pool."  Xander nodded at that with a slight grin.  "Any luck on the bouncing thing?"

"Three really good prospects.  Or I can bartend instead."  She nodded.  "The Phoenix wanted me to bartend."  He took his beer back from Roque to get a drink.

"The demon strip club?" she asked dryly.  Xander nodded.  "Um.... no!"

"Pays good," Xander said.

"Hell no!"

He shrugged.  "It might do better than a few other things."

"No because then you'd draw all the evil ones there."

"Which would increase my tips," Xander said with a grin.

"Huh, but still tacky with what we do after hours."

"Good point, which is why I turned them down."  She reached over to hit him on the arm, getting a smirk back.   "I'm going to Andrew's new hole of a pub."

"That's a dark, dirty place," she sighed.

"That pays ten an hour," he shot back with an evil grin.  She grinned back.  "They're trying to lure more adults in.  It's not somewhere my family would be caught dead in."

"That'll work and maybe be less dangerous," Clay said.  "Plus a good hangout."

Xander grinned at him.  "Including two new pool tables."  Clay smirked back.  "And it's a college kid bar about a quarter of the time.  The rest it's mostly teachers and guys who work on the construction crews or at the docks."

"Even better," Clay decided.  "We'll stick out less."  He finished his beer.  "That is watery."  He took the bottle of microbrew to drink.  "That's pretty decent," he said with an appreciative look at the bottle.

"Also only a buck-fifty," Buffy teased with a grin.  "Unlike your watery tap beer that's three bucks."  Jensen went up to get the next round for them, all of the microbrews so they could taste them.  "Don't get the one with the black and silver label," she called after him.  "It sucks and it tastes like table pepper."  He nodded at that, smiling at the bartender.  "Give him the frat boy special, Roy.  They want to pick a new favorite."  The bartender grinned at her and did that.  Jensen came back with two trays of bottles of beers and went back to get another one.  Buffy took one back, getting a refund.  "Bad, nasty stuff."  She bounced onto the floor because she felt a vampire come in.

Clay watched, sipping his beer.  "She's really good at that."

"That's baiting," Xander said dryly.  He sipped his own, smirking at Jensen.  "No one but six people in this town drink this because they say it's too sweet."  Jensen took it to sip, nodding when he looked at the label.  He was making notes of which ones he liked.  Xander got them some clean glasses so they could pour some from each type.  That helped a lot and they all found a few nice microbrews they liked.

***

Wade hung up the phone in his rental in LA, considering the information his snitch had given him.  Xander was selling his house to move back home.  So probably more time with a sword and a stake but Sunnydale was a place Wade could shoot as many people as he wanted and no one would really notice.  As long as most of them were vampires or evil shits, they'd be fine with it.  Plus it had a nice weapons pipeline through the demon community.  A good money laundering system.  A lot of very high quality specialty goods from other realms being snuck in.  Property was pretty cheap when he looked it up online.

Within ten minutes he had a lead on a good realtor who dealt with underground housing needs.  He had him hacked and found out Xander was going through him too.  Probably so his friends didn't realize he had saved a good bit of money and he'd be banking a lot after selling his house.  Speaking of, he knew someone who needed a new place in LA so he pointed him at that one.  Him being *that* Xander meant that the guy pissed him off but he was willing to pay major bucks for the place's benefits.

Wade looked over the listings that agent had and found a nice mansion with an overgrown garden and a wonderfully archaic mediaeval kitchen.  Used to belong to Angel from what the listing said.  He considered it.  His housekeeper would like it after he renovated.  Or there was a larger one that used to belong to the Mayor, who was apparently an evil shit who liked plastic with the way everything in the house was wrapped.  He looked him up and burst out laughing.  So that's who had been blown up during Xander's graduation!

Yeah, he wanted that house.  It was a good statement, it was a good size, and his housekeeper would adore cutting all the plastic off so he could use it to wrap bodies in.  He'd have to save a really big piece for Roque someday but that was fine.

***

Xander got the check back from the former place's owner's wife, staring at it then at her.  "It's drawn on a bank that doesn't exist?"  She glared.  He stared back.  "The offer of me doing harm to someone still stands," he said, smiling at the officer stomping his way.  "Are you here about the check drawn on the Second National Bank of Sunnydale?"

The officer shook his head.  "No.  That doesn't exist."

"He threatened me," she said firmly.

"Because you tried to pay me in fake money."  He held up the check for the officer.  "I'm going to hurt her and then I'm going to sue her.  And then I'm going to tell the arms dealer I used to date."  She whimpered, shrinking away from him.  He looked at the officer.  "Is that legal?"

"No, that's not a legal check, Harris.  How did you get money?"

"I'm selling my semi-beachfront place in LA.  It's three blocks from the beach but overlooks the water.  Has a huge play area downstairs with a big screen tv that the last owner left."  He grinned.  "Six bedrooms but only two bathrooms."

"How did you afford that?" the woman sneered.

"I traded up when my ex wanted to use my old place instead."  He shrugged.  "It's a really nice place."  He grinned.  "And I paid for the one he traded me for."  The cop moaned.  Xander smirked.  "I was stripping then but it paid for a really nice condo downtown."  She moaned.  He smirked.  "And you still tried to pay me in fake money.  I can easily go ask for a favor to get something."  She turned and stomped off.  "I get it by today at five or I'm filing the paperwork.  I already have it filled out so I only need to pay ten bucks and drop it off."  He looked at the officer, handing him the check.  "Officer Paul was supposed to move out into the same building."

"I'll warn him.  This arms dealer...."

"I know a few very nice FBI agents who came over a few times."

"Oh," he said flatly.  Xander grinned.  "And the ones you've been seen with?"

"Helping things."  He walked off.  "Have a better afternoon."

"I saw you on tv."

"I am that pretty," Xander quipped back.  "I should be a pinup on every girl's wall, especially the ones that want to be wicked and naughty."

The officer went to tell his coworker about that fake check so he could look at his.  And that Harris was now evil.  That wasn't a good thing for Sunnydale.  Summers might get mad.

***

Buffy walked up to the new mayor later, smiling.  "I heard what's going around about Xander but he's not evil.  The evil ones want to own him."  She grinned.  "That's part of the reason our friends are moving out here, since he has a Canadian commando who's a bit psycho wanting to marry him."  She walked off again.  "If he becomes evil, I'll let them spank him."

"Whatever," the mayor said, sneering at her back.

Buffy smirked back at him.  "It could be worse.  Willow actually went fully evil."  She went back to her strolling off for patrol.  She had to get to know the new layout of the town.  They had built some things to block people running across town in emergencies so she had to find ways around them.  Or learn from Clay how to get over them easily.

The mayor went to talk to her people about that information.  Rosenburg was unpredictable with her upbringing and if they wanted Harris, more would show up in Sunnydale.  Which might be a bad thing.  They didn't want another version of the Mayor.  She managed to start making plans before the building blew up.

Buffy looked back, staring at it.  "Huh.  I wonder what happened."  She turned and staked the vampire then moved on shaking her head.  "Welcome to Sunnydale, home of the Strange," she quipped to the next vampire she staked.

***

Xander walked up to someone the next morning, staring at him.  "I was out by the Gulf Club," he said dryly.  "I wasn't anywhere near City Hall last night."  The Chief of Police stared at him.  "I have sixty guys who were watching me strip at the time.  I made six hundred bucks during that number.  I was actually on stage when it went up because it interrupted my music."  The Chief slumped.  "Buffy was doing Buffy things."  He smirked.  "She had told the Mayor that I wasn't evil.  Because she, like the others who want me, decided I'm great lap candy."  He walked off.  "Look at who benefitted or who she pissed off.  Since she tried to tell the people at the place I was buying that giving us back funny money after their insurance arson was a good idea."

"They did what?" he demanded.  Xander pulled out the papers to show him.  He read and grimaced.  "That bank hasn't existed in twenty years."

"I know that," Xander said dryly.  "Which is why I promised I'd talk to an ex who was an arms dealer."  He grinned.  "And no, they're in Central America the last I heard.  Want the name of a few good FBI agents to investigate?  I've met a few."

"No, we have it," he said, handing them back.  "She's left town."

Xander pointed at the woman who had roots for feet in the park.  "Really?"  He looked and moaned.  "Not me either," he chirped, heading for the courthouse.  "I'm going to sue your ass," he called as he walked.  "You tried to pay me with a bad check."  She was whimpering but he just grinned.  Her mouth was partially barked over.  She could get liquid from rain water since her bottom lip was sticking out but otherwise she was a tree woman.

The court clerk took the forms, checked them, took the ten bucks, and stamped them, then pointed.  Xander went to hand them to the next person and she nodded, stamping them and handing them off.  The last one glared so he held up a photocopy of the check.  "I have the original and the documents of what I paid."

She grimaced.  "I heard she left town."

"No, she's in the park.  I just walked past her."  She grimaced but handed it to the clerk for the local judge.  Who was heard laughing in his office.  Xander grinned, heading that way.  "I'm hiring a really tough lawyer too, Your Honor."  He smiled at him.  "Because I've had a whole lot of enough of this."

"You could stay in LA," he said dryly.

"Yes, I could, and date even more evil shits."  The judge stared at him.  "Last night, I was at the Phoenix."

"Oh, dear."

"On stage."

"Oh."  He grimaced.

"In the middle of an act.  There were sixty people there begging for me to flash them some dick."

"You're unpredictable and dangerous."

"Only when you screw with me," Xander quipped, leaning in the doorway.  "She did."  He handed over the photocopy of the check and the forms from the sale.  The judge looked it over.  "She did it to an officer too."

"Do you know anything about the explosion, Mr. Harris?"

"I could tell that the bomb they used was in the back area, that's from the way the outer walls fell.  Looked like it was in the old stash room the old Mayor had.  I could tell it was probably on the second floor, because of the way the roof fell."  The judge stared at him.  He grinned.  "Dated people who told me things."

"Oh, I see.  Some of us are aware of what your...friends used to do."

Xander grinned.  "Aren't you glad I'm the good boy and bait?" he asked dryly.  "Since Willow started on an addiction?"

"Do we think....."

"No.  She hates weapons.  If I hear I'll turn it in.  I know my civic duties."  He smiled.  "Can we please get me the hearing soon?  That way I don't have to bum a couch?"

"Fine," he muttered.   He looked at his schedule book.  "I have Monday."

"That'd be nice.  Thank you.  I'll see if someone can free her from the park by then."  He walked off.  He saw a nice car outside and got a really bad feeling about that.  So he walked off, heading for where Clay and the guys were scouting.  That was a bad thing in the making.  He heard the car start, no other car in town would be a diesel.  And yeah, it was a bad thing.  Xander ducked into the back roadway and down into the sewer, heading to where the guys were.  He had no idea who that was but it was probably really bad.

***

Buffy saw the guy planting the bomb and pounced.  "He's got a bomb!" she shouted, bringing people running.  Including an officer, which was strange for Sunnydale.  She guessed he was out at lunch since he was out of the station.  She pointed.  "He just dropped it in the sewer."

They looked and had to evacuate the area.   It had very little time on it.

Roque looked and went down to disarm it, carrying it back up.  "The things you learn in the army," he said dryly, handing it to the officer.  He stared at the guy.  "Reginald Marison."

"Who is a what sort of dirtbag?" Buffy asked.

"Drug dealer.  My team caught most of his people but he took over after they were killed in a hostage situation they had planned."

"Huh," the officer said, looking at the bomb then at him.  "You were army?"

"Demo expert, Special Forces," Roque said smugly with a smirk.

"Oh, I see," the officer said.  "Are there others?"

Buffy nodded, looking at Roque, who shrugged.  "I was out by the Phoenix last night and saw him leaving with three other guys.  And Wade."

"He's fucking here?" Roque demanded.  "That psychotic mother fucker?"  A mother covered her own ears, not her kid's.

"Could that one be who blew up City Hall?" the officer asked.  Buffy pointed at the guy in custody.  "We're sure?"

"He may or may not have the knowledge.  Wade could only use premade.  I'd have to look at the bomb fragments to tell you anything about it and who could've done it."  The officer nodded, calling in for someone to pick up this bad guy and to take Roque to look at the bomb.

***

Roque looked at the Chief of Police.  "It's not a new bomb."  The man glared at him.  He held a piece up.  "No one makes bombs that hold year readouts.  Notice the eight spots?"

The Chief took that bagged piece of material to look at.  "That is eight spots."  He counted.  "Seconds, minutes.  Days.  Years.  So it was Wilkins," he said.

"Probably.  I asked the residents we know about him.  They think it's possible."

"All right," he said, putting it aside.  "That one we caught earlier?"

"Call the FBI agents I'll give you the number to.  He's on the list to be arrested on sight."  He wrote down the number.  "This is Agent Epps, he's the team leader of one of the top teams out of the LA office.  He met Harris and Summers in LA."

"So he's not going to freak out about anything," he said.

"He's the guy that got the agents into the battle," Roque said more quietly.

"Good to know."  He called him to talk to him about that guy.  Roque left.  He got the drug dealer out of his jails in the morning, if he survived the night.  Epps had almost promised to find out who else had shown up since his officer heard there were others in town.

Apparently, Harris was drawing dates again.

***

Epps looked at the tape from the strip club, staring at the men he knew from their wanted posters.  "And Wade never caught a clue," Colby said from behind him.  "Charming."  He walked off.  "They still up there?"

"Apparently they're having a convention and Xander's working it," Epps said dryly.  "I wonder how much he made this time."  They gathered what they needed and more agents, heading up there to arrest them all.  Sunnydale might be a lax local police force but that didn't mean they could hold a bad guy convention up there.

Even if Xander did pickpocket everyone and get some neat new weapon pets.

***

Xander walked into his new place.  It was really nice.  It was super nice.  It was decorated for some reason and not with his stuff.  He looked around.  The kitchen had food.  He had a plate waiting on the counter.  There was very masculine furniture in the living room.  A very decent sized, new tv in there as well.  He could see into the room where the old tv was.  It had nice two-person couches in there.

At least four of them.  He looked toward the bedrooms.  They were in there.  His bed from the other place.  He stared, moving back toward the doorway, finding his phone.  He called Buffy.  "Did I have things moved up here?" he asked quietly.  "Please do if you're on patrol with Jensen and them.  Well, I have a new couch, someone made me dinner, and someone decorated fully, Buffy. And it's not Willow's style.  It's all real masculine.  Brown suede."

***

Buffy looked at the guys.  "Xander wants to know if you guys decorated on him?"

"Yes," Jensen said.  "We got stuff moved and Roque picked out the couch."

Buffy put her phone against her ear again.  "Yeah, Xander, they decorated.  Jensen and Roque."  She hung up.  "He said thank you to whoever made him dinner."  Jensen shook his head.  Roque strolled off checking his knives for sharpness.  Buffy sighed.  "Who do we think it was?"

"Few good ideas," Jensen told her.  "Wade left though.  He's back at his compound gathering and packing."  They followed.  The vampires would still be there in an hour.  They got there and found Roque kissing Xander and Willow pouting.  "Did you make the dinner, Willow?  Because he's got a really bad psycho stalker who wants to marry him."

"Yes," she said dryly.  "I like to cook."

Roque growled at her so she slunk off, hiding behind Buffy.  He went back to kissing Xander.  "I like the couch."

"It looks comfy and stain resistant," Xander teased with a smirk.  "How did you guys find that stash?"

"Jensen," he said with a smug look.  "That's what he does."  He walked Xander into the bedroom to christen it.  He'd be doing this for the next few days.

If Wade had them bugged, he could jack off to the pretty noises his good thing gave to him  because he wasn't giving him up.

The End.