Note: Major character death past page 200.

Xander walked up to the supposedly abandoned warehouse and managed to get inside without anyone realizing.  His minder was stuck doing some paperwork so he had snuck away from him.  Some people, even military trained, forgot that there were alternative entrances beyond doors and windows.  He found his target and walked up to him, seeing the horrified look on his face right before he hit him.  "I'm *so* going to kill your ass.  How *dare* you leave me there!"

"Whoa!" the oldest man of the team said, jumping up to stop him.  Unfortunately this target hit back, and managed a lucky shot to a recent injury, taking him to his knee.  Then he laid back into the blond hacker, who was still unable to defend himself for some reason.

"I didn't know Jensen was gay," Roque complained, trying to grab the kid but he was at least a bit trained, though not professionally like they were.  The sniper got between them and the new one just kicked him in the knee and then pushed him out of the way.

"Don't get between me and my god damned brother again, asshole."  He stomped after his brother, who was backing away looking scared.  "You'd better have a *damn* good explanation for that shit since someone military had to tell me you were still fucking alive."

"They told us that a cult had taken you and killed you!" he defended.  "Neither of us knew, Xander.  I promise!  Please, God, I would've been there if I had known."

"You fucking didn't check?  Some hacker you are," he sneered.  "Hell, even Dad figured that shit out."

"Yeah, well, Dad's an ass in case you didn't know," he shot back, starting to glare now.  "What're you doing here?"

He smirked.  "I'm here to fuck up your life, Jensen.  Why else would I suddenly reappear?  I mean, it's not like you guys might watch the news or anything, right?  So when the end of the world comes and some government sort tells me both my siblings are alive, then I just decided to pop in and beat the shit outta you for the hell of it."  He sneered.  "I'm *so* going to rip your ass to molecules."

"I deserve it," he agreed, stepping closer.  "Why is the world going to end?"  The other member of the team squeaked and looked, then groaned.

Xander turned because he knew that sound.  "Oh, great, it's one of you assholes.  Didn't I shoot at you once?"  He glared at him.  "Back the fuck down, sparky, because not in a good mood."  He glared at his twin again.  "How's your stomach doing?"

"Um...  I've had the flu...  She's not pregnant, I didn't get her morning sickness last time, Xander."

"Duh, not the leap of logic you were to make."  He glared at him.  "I'm still highly pissed off."

"How should I have known?" he demanded.

"Let's see, was on the news when the town fell in.  Was on the news when I got a medal of honor for saving one of your sort of teams in Africa, twice," he said bitterly.  "And wasn't that a mistake."  He stared at him.  "Was actually on the news during the last bad thing not three months ago, and then there was the missing persons reports for the last three months."  Jensen swallowed.  "So I take it you don't watch the news, ever?  No newspapers, nothing?  Nothing prompted you to maybe get a *hint* that your fucking twin brother was actually alive?  Because I knew you were but apparently you were too fucked up to come save my damn ass so I had to do it my own goddamn self!"

"Shit, Xander.  We ended up with Dad and a whole new level of fucked up ness!"

"The hell with that!  I saw Dad more than once in Sunnydale!"

"Oh, shit," that other guy said.  "Um, can we maybe calm down?"  A gun was pulled and pointed at him by that guy.

"That's enough," the one getting off the ground ordered.  The gun got pointed at him.  "You won't, you're not that cold."

"Yeah, I actually would.  I actually ended up taking out that team that I saved those times for killing little kids."  He stared at him.  "Butt out.  There's one of your sort showing up to ruin your life for good too.  Go be good soldiers *somewhere else* while I finish killing my damn brother."  He glared at Jensen.  The guy moved and Xander did graze him then hit him with the gun.  "I'm not the nice fairy.  I gave up being the nice fairy when I had to kill someone at sixteen to protect others," he growled.  "Back the fuck down."

"All of you back down," a male voice ordered.  "Harris!"

"Bite me."

Jensen took the gun and put it down.  "It's not my fault, Xander!  Dad told us you were dead!  Jess and I thought he had sold you or something with how fucked up he is."

"No, he didn't.  He left me with *her* and her new husband."

"Who in the hell sunk down that low to marry her?" Jensen asked, grimacing.

"Remember Tony?"

"Guy with the shitty camaro up the street?"  Xander nodded.  "Eww."

"Very."  He glared.  "I'm not going to be forgiving you even if the world does end."

The other guy stepped forward.  "I knew I should've recognized Jensen's level of fucked upness when I met him thanks to seeing you in action, Harris, but Jensen's our teammate and only we get to kill him."

Xander stared at him.  "Go.  The.  Hell.  Away," he growled.  Everyone around them shivered at the feeling coming off him.

Jensen sighed and hugged his brother, even if he did struggle.  "Hey, it's me.  I'm not going to hurt you."

"Corporal, let your brother go," the higher up demanded.  "We barely rescued him from three months of torture."

"Who in the hell had my brother?" he demanded, easing up some.  "Are they dead yet?"

"No, we can't kill them all.  Unfortunately."  He stared.  "Harris, stand down.  You have months before the world could end to beat the hell out of him.  I only have a few hours to explain things to his teammates and then ruin their lives for good."  He glared at the team leader.  "You especially don't growl at the kid."  He gave him a visual order and Clay realized what half the problem was.  The kid was in pain and had PTSD or something like it from the torture.  "For right now, Corporal, take your brother and sit in a corner.  Do not move, do not fight, even if you don't talk he needs to stay calm because of his condition."  That calmed the kid down again and he took a deep breath.  "Thank you, Harris.  Sit."

"I'm not feeble."

"I don't care, sit anyway," Jensen ordered.  He did something on his computer then pulled a crate over to sit next to him.  The others were being pulled a bit away.  "You know, I need to know too."

"I'll brief you specially in a few minutes, Corporal.  Just keep your brother calmer.  I need him to stay calm and healthy."

"Fuck, just keep the girls from feeding me tofu again," he muttered.

"Not a problem.  I doubt any of these guys know what tofu is."  He led them to the other side of the warehouse.  "You're being pulled off your present assignment."

"We're halfway done," Clay said.

"Good, make sure you can hand it over because his life is more important right now.  He wasn't joking about the world possibly ending in about six months."   He looked at Pooch.  "Yes, your team is being assigned this task because of your history and his.  It was down to two others and yours until someone doing some DNA testing found that they're twins.  Fraternal but still twins."

"We've met Jess, his sister," Clay said.  "She never mentioned a brother."

The higher up sighed.  "That's because they were apparently told he died when he was about six."  They all nodded at that.  "Their parents split.   Their father took them and left him with his mother for some reason.  I'm not sure why but I believe there's going to be some hell to pay for it.  You may be needing a new tech guy because if he wants to kick his ass, Harris is to remain calm and healthy but he's allowed.  We're going to allow him pretty much anything at the moment as long as he stays perfectly healthy.  Am I clear?"  They all grimaced but nodded.  "Good."  He looked at that one.  "Pooch, what do you remember of Harris?"

"The same problem that leads back to Jensen's 'this can only happen to him' issues," he said dryly.  The others were staring so he cleared his throat.  "My assignment before this team was a super classified suckfest of the NSA fucking up," he said bluntly.  "All the way to torture.  Capturing natives and torture.  Experimenting on their own people sort of torture.  And one really bright, scary woman who was making a super soldier out of parts.  It killed her shortly after it got woken up."

Clay shuddered.  "I managed to get enough of those records to know it was the Island of FUBAR in a town."

"That whole town is the Nation of FUBAR," Pooch corrected.  "We were just adding a psycho twist to it."  He looked at the higher up.  "Which agency are you?"

He smirked.  "Secret Service."  He pulled out his ID case to show them then put it back.  "For the next seven or eight months, until we're sure everything's all right, you are guarding Harris and his ...extra passenger.  Because if you don't, your team will be dying along with the rest of us in about a year."  He smirked.  "Because if he doesn't stay healthy and it doesn't stay healthy, then a whole lot of people who protect us all from things we'd never want to think about are dying."  Pooch stiffened.  "That's right, if he doesn't come out of this alive, that child is your responsibility to train, raise, and make sure she starts a new line of slayers," he told him.  "And yeah, there's going to be some problems.  His father knew.  His father warped it so his son was the only thing stopping humanity from dying.  We're pretty sure it's a girl."

"Um... he's what?" Clay demanded quietly.

"I've seen weirder," Pooch noted.  "Who?"

"Wolfram and Hart's latest attempt to end the world.  Two step plan.  Torture the one that the girls all lean on, making them weaker because they're angry, confused, and scared, and then destroy the lines by having him bear some sort of prophesied shit of a child that his father warped when he found out.  I'll have the whole information file to you later on.  By the way, he is not to go to Sunnydale for this year's remembrance.

"He is not to go to Cleveland *at all*.  He can anywhere in the world you think is safe enough but about ten places.  That will be in the information file I'm going to give you in about an hour.  I figured it'd take that long for him to finally quit trying to kill his twin brother."  He looked over.  Xander was ignoring his twin's attempt to talk to him.

He looked at Clay.  "Secondary objective, if possible, he's got burnout very badly," he said quietly.  "He's at the stage of 'fuck it, I'll sacrifice myself' and has been for years.  If you can talk him down off that point, good.  Later on, since you'll all be honorary uncles thanks to his brother, you can even work on his training if you want.  He could probably use some."  He stared at him.

"There's over a thousand young women who can literally rip you to pieces by hand who will kill you if he gets so much as a bump and they hear.  They're all panicking, they're all frantic, and they're all worried.  We're trying to keep them calm but some may show up to check on him.  If so, don't dent them either if possible.  Some don't have tact and some are like his sisters."

"I'm not sure what we're totally talking about, sir.  Men can't have kids," Clay said.

"Unless something weird like my last posting is involved," Pooch added.  "Wolfram and Hart's problem nature?"

"Everyone is working on it.  If those two want to, go for it.  Rosenburg can hack and can help Jensen with whatever he needs for access.  They had full access in the LA office for a while and she rigged something I'm sure.  If you can make them suffer for this, go for it."

Clay nodded.  "I'd like that information file."  He went to get it.  Clay looked at Pooch.  "I don't know much about your last posting."

"We were stationed in Sunnydale, out by LA.  Small town, tried really hard to be perfect to draw people for the really high death rate thanks to the things my project was having fun taking apart."  He grimaced, shrugging a bit.  "I didn't participate.  I didn't want to be there.  Hell, I even turned them in to the Pentagon's tip line.  It got ignored.  I managed to get myself sent out before I lost my soul.  Literally in a few cases."  He sighed, looking back there.  "That boy is *exactly* like Jensen and I should've realized that when the weird things started to happen around him.  They're scarily alike, Clay."  He looked at him again.  "Harris was helping with a protection group at sixteen."

"Criminal?" Roque demanded.

"No.  Necessary.  They had a thirty-five percent homicide rate that year."  The whole team shuddered.  "Mostly, supposedly, due to animal attacks, barbeque forks eating people, and PCP gangs who went around biting."

"There's no way that's not a coverup," Roque complained.

"A really bad one but the reason for it died on his graduation day.  When he and the team, plus half their high school class, blew him up in the school to save everyone.  I'm sure we can get some highlight reels or something from the town."  He glanced back there then at them.  "He dates like Clay.  He babbles like Jensen, or used to.  He has low self esteem because his friends I'd have tossed aside long ago and went somewhere more sane.  Even if I was called to the duty I wouldn't have done it with them."  They all nodded at that.

Pooch glanced back there then at his team again.  "When I was there, he was dating a girl.  Didn't try to kill him, which everyone joked was abnormal.  She was a money grubbing bitch who criticized everything in public.  There was talk about them possibly marrying some day on her side."  He looked at his team again.  "He's way too quiet.  The eye patch is new.  There's a lot we need to know and I know who to contact but not where they are."  He walked off, going over there.  "Where's your girlfriend?  Do we need to contact her, give her any info?"

Xander glared at him.  "She died in the battle that sank Sunnydale."

"I...  I didn't know about that.  Sorry."  Xander shrugged.  "Do you need medical right now?"

"I'm not going to trust you to do a damn thing around me," he said bluntly.

"I nearly got myself dishonorably discharged to get out of there."  He stared at the kid.

Xander snorted.  "And yet, there was a rebellion in place and you didn't help it a bit."

"No, I didn't.  I was newly married and they had blackmail on me.  And my wife's mother in custody."

"Damn that sucks," Xander said.  "I'm sorry you did that."

Pooch sighed.  "I'm not like them, kid.  Jensen can tell you that when you two start to talk.  I've never been like that, I tried from my second day there to get the hell out of Sunnydale.  I'm the reason that person you guys turned over got free since it was wrong of him to do that."

"Well, convenient ethics on Giles' part," he said dryly.  "They've tortured and tormented each other for years."

"Figured it was something like that.  I can find us an underground doc."

"I can find a true healer."

Pooch stared at him.  "Let's not go the demonic route?" he asked quietly.  "They'll all freak."

"Demons?" Jensen demanded, looking at Xander.

"Yeah, you guys left me on a nice, sweet, pretty hellmouth.  Which I got to help protect until the slayer I was working with and the rest of the crew sank it a few years ago.  It was all over the news."

Jensen shuddered.  "I...  I don't tend to watch the news.  I read the _Enquirer_ and things."

"Unless we're on an op, he never does," Pooch agreed.  "We have six to seven months together.  Can we maybe work some of this shit out?"  He stared at him.  "We need Jensen in top form and there's a chance he can help get the bastards back for what they did to you.  We got permission to do that as long as you're not injured."

"I'll be fine.  I could've stayed...."

"Hell no!" Jensen said firmly.  "I was there when Jess had our niece.  And hell, if I had known you were alive, I would've come to get you when we got free of Dad."

"I saw him when we were sixteen.  He got me possessed that night."  He shook his head.

"Yeah, well, the man's a pain in the ass in many forms," Jensen sighed.  He stared at him.  "Can we talk?  Maybe?"

"No.  I'm not into that touchy-feelly crap.  I get enough of that from the slayers.  I'm not a girl, even if I'm always surrounded by them."

Jensen stared at him.  Then he hugged him.  Xander tried to get free but he held on.  "I missed you," he said quietly.  "If I had known, Xander....  Dad said you were dead."

Xander slowly relaxed.  "This doesn't mean I won't kill your ass."

"Sure, you can do that."  He pulled back to look at him.  "Does Jess know?"

"I'm pretty sure she tried to check into things.  Willow said someone was."

"I'll kill her myself for not telling me."  He got up and stomped over to his computer, sending a very pissed off email to his sister.

"Family drama later," Roque ordered.  "Pack up so we can move since we're handing this op off."

Jensen looked up.  "I'm in their system.  If we can go tonight we can finish it."  The higher up pointed at his twin brother.  "I don't have to go in.  Cougar can run comms if we have to."  Clay nodded that was doable.  "I'll be the backup force and watch Xander.  I need to let him beat me half to death anyway."  He stared at them.  "You're all taking this very calmly."

"We're freaking out mentally," Clay assured him, sounding sarcastic.  He looked at the thick information folder.  "Who got most of his dossier?  It's sloppy."

"Some of it probably came from my last posting," Pooch said.  "So yeah, sloppy as hell."

Xander snorted.  "Half of it probably came from Wolfram and Hart.  At least they used multiple sources instead of the 'but you're normal' that I hear all too often."

Jensen looked at him.  "There is not a one of us that is normal, Xander."

"Tell that to Willow," he said dryly.  "According to her I'll always be normal."

"Willow?  Redheaded, shy, babble patrol Willow?"  Xander nodded.  "Like Jesse and Willow Willow?"

"Yeah."

"Where's Jesse?" Jensen asked.  Xander shook his head.  "No what, Xander?"

"He died when we were sixteen, Jensen.  Something ate him.  Then there was an apocalypse fight.  My first one," he said dryly, staring at him.  "I saved the Bitch Queen's life by accident."

Jensen swallowed, then nodded once.  "I should go kill people for making you do that."

Xander shrugged.  "The guy who turned him is dead.  Buffy ground him into itty bitty pieces."

Jensen stared at him.  "We need to talk."

"Fuck, you're back in touchy-feelly land," Xander muttered.  He stood up.  "Let me get a burger."

"Sit," Clay ordered.  Xander barked but walked off.  He looked at the higher up.

"Yeah, we know.  And he's been surrounded by girls for much too long."  He noticed Jensen following.  "That's a better sign.  Don't fight in public," he called.  Xander flipped him off before walking out the other door.  Jensen jogged to catch up.  He looked at Clay.  "I'd suggest GPS.  The boy has had a bad habit of walking off when things get too emotional.  He was grieving so he went to Africa to train some of the slayers.  A few died and he went to China to beat up on a few of their thugs and train some of their slayers.

"The slayers all decided, thanks to Buffy, he was their mascot, and Xander kicked her ass, then walked off and went to the jungles in Africa again.  No one heard from him for six months until he showed up at the last apocalypse and then promptly got kidnaped."  Clay moaned.  "By the law firm for Hell."  He smirked.  "You'd be doing the government a great favor taking them down for him.  His father might even reward you."

"Who is their father?" Roque asked.  "You're acting like he's a higher up in the government."

"No, Ethan's a really big name in the strange circles that boy lives in."  Pooch gaped, staring at him.  Then he glared at the doorway.  "Oh, yeah.  He's not all that decent.  I have no idea if his friends know that or not actually.  If they did, they'd probably shun him because the head of the group, Mr. Giles, hates his father for a lot of reasons."  He smirked.  "Apparently Xander got left with his mother, while Jensen and his sister got taken by their father.  Then whatever happened to them to cause those two to leave him did.  Xander's mother died when Sunnydale sank along with her second husband."  He looked at Clay.

"The boy is a *classic* white knight.  If he hears someone shouting 'help me' he'll beat you there, solve the issue, and then stomp off when you tell him he should've waited two seconds for some help.  That is because of his friends.  You can get your tech support kid to download any and all files on him that you find if you want.  I know there's some from battles and some where the girls conveniently forgot to recall him to help.  They said it was like leaving one Cabinet member out of the State of the Union Address just in case something happened there."

"How long ago on his eye?" Clay asked quietly.

"2004.  Spring of."

"Medical beyond the obvious?"

"He'll probably shy away from doctors.  He tried to escape the ones working on him six times.  Made it five of them but Rosenburg handed him back.  With motherish nagging and girlish swears at him for being so stupid and macho.  The first time he was barely out of surgery, still groggy from the anesthesia, and only made it halfway down the stairs before someone found him on their way out for a smoke break.  We think that was a lucky coincidence."

"How much crap is in the dossier?" Clay asked.

"Probably about eighty percent," he admitted.  "We can't be sure.  We don't have the resources to ask.  If I had that truth serum from the Harry Potter books, I'd use it on the kid."

"Anything from mine, we had observation that went to the profiler.  They were looking for a weak spot in his group.  They had one they wanted to join them and they started the group breaking with him.  He was considered an accessory to the group," he finished quietly.  "Then he helped save all our asses.  Half the time those girls treated him like he was their puppy."

"They still do about half the time," the Secret Service agent assured him with a grin.  "That's a secondary reason for not letting them watch him.  Our profiler who was working on his healing said there's a really good chance he'll snap and kill most of them sometime soon.  Xander shot back that he hadn't yet and had been avoiding that thought for ten years."

"Were they a group or a team?" Cougar asked.

"Group most of the time.  Even if they're in the midst of the worst personal fights, they'll still fight whatever's going on and then start in on each other while healing," he told him.  "Which would be a pretty good third reason we wanted him guarded by a team.  I'm hoping, since I'm sure you've all been in that same battle weary, yet too uptight to relax state, that you can help him snap out of his before it breaks him.  Because then the girls will try something and he'll fight back, probably unintentionally killing some of them.  None of *his* girls, but some of them.  Especially in his condition."

"How did that happen?" Roque asked.  "Just to make sure it can't happen to his brother."

"Actually, the law firm did it, and then his father warped it.  Which... I'm not sure his twin isn't mirroring it or having his own thanks to his father.  Ethan doesn't often consider some things more than fun.  Things like this may be considered necessary to save his son's life but he wouldn't take into account his twin.  I have no idea if they're the linked sort."

"Practical things?" Clay asked.  "Passport?"  The file was pointed at.  "Funds?"

"He has some money.  He's not a Gates by any means, but he's not totally poor.  They paid him back pay and severance pay right after the last time he left the hospital.  They decided he couldn't come back with his daughter.  It'd be too dangerous.  The head guy joked they couldn't afford all the stuff the girls would buy for the baby.  Oh, don't let us catch him selling his weapons stash.  Half the government wanted to cover him up by making him miscarry and/or killing him, even if it meant we all died.  The head of the ATF and the president both thought it was too unnatural to keep going and hate the slayers anyway.

"The Council offered to let them do all the apocalypse battles but the last time they jumped in, they mostly died.  They didn't follow directions, they didn't use what they were told would work, and the Council's people that had briefed them had it on tape that they told them how to kill things.  At Xander's orders."  He smirked.  "The ATF really hates him a lot beyond that because he seems to be able to find an underground river of weapons that they can't even touch and he's not inclined to hand it over."

"Is the UK safer?" Pooch asked.

"Possibly.  They know more about the Council but hated their guts.  Though the Queen loves Xander.  He saved one of her dogs from being hit by a bike messenger and berated the guy while holding the little dog under his arm for nearly running over an innocent animal.  She found him yelling at the poor guy.  He looked stunned then kissed the dog on the head and handed him back with a goofy, sweet boy grin after saying he was just fine, he had made sure the stupid human hadn't touched him.  Then he had went back to yelling at him."

"Anywhere off limits?" Clay asked dryly.

"No.  Wherever you need to go, you go.  He lived rough before but I wouldn't suggest getting too far from a hospital.  They're not sure if he's going to *adapt* or not."

"Eww," Roque said, shuddering.

"Quite.  That thought made the whole White House go get drunk."  He grinned.  "The president needed it though, he was tense and uptight."  He looked at Clay.  "Any other questions?"

"Anything he needs to pick up or pack for?"

"Not yet.  They have his stuff in storage.  Rosenburg said she could arrange to have it moved wherever or you can do it instead so they don't know.  You can meet with Summers, Summers, Rosenburg, and Lehane tonight.  Mr. Giles will try to be there but no promises."

"Do Jensen and his sister loom more like their mother?" Pooch asked.

"Yeah.  Xander looks a lot like his father.  If you should see his father, watch out for him.  He only follows the ethics of chaos and has touched Xander's life more than once.  He's not above things."

"I'll let the twins hit him," Clay assured him.

"Jensen will stab him," Cougar said quietly.  "His training?"

"He's scarily self taught according to him.  He jumped in.  Of course, he can't spar right now, but if you guys wanted to teach him, it might save his life later on."  He looked at them.  "All the slayers will say he's normal but he's theirs and their mascot, their normal guy.  They consider him too important to risk.  He's fought against that for years by jumping in when they told him to fetch things instead."

"So, basically, if we work on all the battle trauma, it'd help," Clay said.  He got a nod.  "If we can work a bit farther, it'd help even more."

"Yup.  We could all use a guy like him in our lives.  I would've left the girls ages ago.  He's loyal to a fault.  If I could have ten guys like Xander was six or even five years ago, I'd sell my soul.  If I could have two like him now I might.  He's very much the guy to pull a plan out of somewhere south of his beltline, have it work, and then expect to be yelled at for it.  There's some really unbelievable reports out of Africa of him handling issues that I'd want a team for.  No one's certain if they're truth or not and the boy won't tell you."

"We can work with that and protect him," Clay said after looking at his team.  Cougar was glaring at him from underneath his hat.  He'd talk to him about it in a minute.  "Anything else to drop on us?"

"Yeah, ask him where his secondary accounts are.  We know there are some somewhere.  We don't know why."  He smirked.  "Have fun.  Keep in touch with me," he said, handing over his card.  "I'm pretty sure everyone's going to forget about this stuff if they weren't directly involved.  Rosenburg threatened to even if it was a bit dark as she said."  He left them alone.

Clay looked at Cougar.  "I know you're freaked out, but he is Jensen's brother.  You'd do it for his sister," he said quietly.  Cougar said something in Spanish.  "I know that.  It's not our fault he does things that go against everything in your soul, Cougar.  He's just like us only his battles are a bit less sanctioned apparently.  Let us look things over and if we have to, we can sit you off-site to watch our backs."  Cougar nodded.  "Get Jensen to do a real work up on him," he told Pooch.  "I'll talk to the kid about his choice of hiding location.  We'll do that op before the meeting tonight or right afterward."  They broke apart and he went to find the brothers.  Roque was following.  "You might upset him," he warned.

"I'm not going to beat the kid's ass for getting captured.  Even if it was because he was in the wrong spot."

"Thank you."  They found one brother at the pretzel shop, dunking his pretzel sticks into something greenish.  Clay sat down, staring at him.  "That's got to be a craving."

Xander looked then at him.  "It's jalapeno cheese.  I'm from near LA."  He ate another bite.  "So the verdict is?"

"Where do you want to hide?"

Xander shrugged.  "I'd like to go somewhere without phones and email but my brother would freak out.  It probably wouldn't stop Willow either."  He ate another bite.  "I'm not rich or anything so somewhere low rent but safe.  Not Germany or Siberia?  I had a few too many run ins with the Russian mob when I was there training one of the girls."  He ate another bite.

"Where have you been that you liked?" Roque asked, stealing a chair from another table and sitting down.

"I found a lot of peace in Africa but it's highly unlikely that I wouldn't have problems.  The ultra conservative sorts would dearly hate me and try to kill me for this not being my choice.  I can't see going to many of the Catholic countries either.  Nowhere too well known or too touristy, which will suck since I'd like things to do beyond DVD's and netflix."  He ate another bite.  "I don't know," he decided, looking at him.  "Not too hot because I'm told I'm going to be sweating to death anyway in a few months?  Right before summer."

"So a city but not a major place that can draw trouble and is mostly safe," Clay said.  "I can agree on those points.  Are there any cities to avoid due to high...activity for lack of a better word?"

Xander nodded.  "There's a whole list.  Which is one reason why I hated Germany and Rome.  Buffy loves Rome.  Switzerland has a neutrality clause in that manner as well.  So does the upper north countries the last I heard.  I can plug into the community and see where the top bets are being placed so we don't go there."  He finished his last stick.

"Let's not have you do it.  Can someone else do it?"

"Faith might be able to get that information but they'll talk to me where they won't the girls.  They're rightfully scared of the girls if they're doing bad sh...stuff."  He glanced around, there were kids.  He looked at them again.  "I can hide and you guys just keep tabs on me.  I know this'll freak you guys out."

"No can do," Clay noted.  "Tough."

Xander slumped.  "It'd be nice to have some peace and quiet.  Ya know?"

"Definitely.  Been there, done that," Roque assured him.  "All of us, including your brother.  Speaking of, where did he go?"

"He's off yelling at Jess."  He pointed.  "I don't rightly care now."  He looked at them.  "I can get you a list of the Council's houses too.  That way we're not too close.  It's like a vortex with them being the eye."

"Good to know," Clay agreed.  "Do you have any plans set up yet?"

"Hiding like hell from everyone I've ever met so I don't have to hear the snide comments about this being something only I could do.  But I got overruled," he said sarcastically.  "They sedated me to get me from the clinic to the plane.  Agent Craig promised to deliver me sedated if I gave him any shit."  He slumped, leaning his elbows on the table.  "That's not what I'm worried about.  I know I can slink into the shadows nearly anywhere and hide.  I can find a healer to help me when I need them to.  I've pinpointed a few who won't be too freaked out after hearing why it happened."  Jensen walked back to them.  "They wanted to pick a spot."

"New Hampshire?" he offered.

"No," Clay said.  "Outside the US.  Some of them wouldn't mind the outcome if he got injured or killed."

Jensen sat down, staring at his brother then at Clay.  "Jolene's going to bitch."

"There's kids," Xander said quietly.

"Sorry.  I didn't mean to swear," he said to the table and Xander's stomach.  Xander hit him on the arm.  "Ow!"  Xander pointed at the kids staring at them.  "Oh, those sort.  Sorry for swearing."  He looked at Clay again.  "All I know is that I'm freaked out, I really want to get drunk until my mind can process that he's still alive, and then we can talk."  He looked at him.  "Jess said she saw you when Sunnydale fell in."

"Yeah, they covered the natural disaster and us being on busses was seen."  He shrugged slightly.  "I know I got pictured at least twice.  Dawn framed one for my birthday one year."  He looked at Clay.  "All my stuff's been in storage for years.  I'll need to be able to get bigger shirts and pants in a few months," he sighed.  "But otherwise, just not too hot please."

"We can work on that," he agreed.  He looked at Jensen.  "Not Germany, Siberia, or anywhere with a Council House."

"Dad has a house in the UK."

"He's living in it," Xander said dryly.  "It's bad form to burn him and the house down together."

"Good point."  He thought.  "He has that beach house."

"Hurricane two years ago.  I was healing from a broken leg and pelvis when the hurricane hit."

Jensen stared at him.  "I want to hear more about that."  Xander shrugged slightly.  "Please?  Not like I'm not used to the strange stuff too, Xander."

"Yay.  I think I beat even Dad's standards too often."  He finished his ice water.  "We should head before someone else spots us."  He used his cup to point behind them.  "That's Agent Brice, ATF.  He likes to stalk me because he thinks I'm a naughty boy for liking guns."

"We were warned about that," Roque admitted.  "Canada?  Plenty of wilderness.  It's nearly summer so not too cold for Cougar."

Clay nodded.  "We can pause there and make plans.  That way we're sure nothing's on our trail."  Xander nodded at that, getting up.  Jensen was next to him.  Clay gave him a pointed look to ease off.  They walked back together.  "We're going to hit Vancouver for a week, make plans, then go," he said as they walked in.

"We're all packed.  Cougar got your room, Jensen."

Jensen nodded, checking his bags.  "Where's my clothes?"   He checked the other bag of stuff and finished the packing Cougar hadn't.  Cougar hated his shirts sometimes.  He looked at his brother.  "Clothes, gear?"

"Storage place?" he guessed. "I probably have a bag somewhere in Kazakstan.  I was near Alma-Ata training one of the girls.  I'm not sure if she sent it on or gave it to her brother since they're a poor family."

"Some of the Council people will be in town tonight.  We can ask them," Clay said.   Xander shook his head.  "You don't have to go," he said quietly.

"Thank you.  Did they give you my passport?"  Clay found it in the folder and held it up.  Xander looked at the folder.  "That's not mine.  Mine's not UK.  And that file is awfully thick."

"It's got the profiles from the Initiative and other dossiers included," Roque said.  "You can read it on the plane."  Xander nodded.  "That way you can refute the bullshit."

"That's probably a good two-thirds at the very least."  He sighed.  He took his passport, looking at it.  "That's not mine.  That's my father's backup ID."  He looked up then shook his head.  "You'll have to get it from Willow probably."

"I'll see if they have it.  If not, we can get you a fake."

"If not, we can find a way to hit my storage area in Chicago," he said quietly.  "I have a fake one in there somewhere."  Clay smirked at him.  "Sometimes I had to sneak into places.  A lot of them hated the Council.  We do things they like to deny exist."

"I can understand that.  We've had to do the same on missions where everyone ignored we had ever been born," Pooch said.  He looked at him.  "My wife wants to know if you'll let her come.  She's pregnant too, about six months."

Xander shrugged.  "I don't care.  Will it be safe?"

"I hope so.  You probably shouldn't be too stressed."

"Yeah but there's nothing like the smell of napalm in the morning," Xander quipped, staring at him.  Roque choked, shaking his head.  Clay just groaned.

Jensen snickered.  "Good one, Xander."

"Thank you."

"How did you get to Kazakstan?"

"I went from the one in China over.  She's in the northern part."

"So you're well traveled at least," Jensen said.  "No troubles with Customs?"

"Yeah, the full body scanners probably aren't a good idea," he sighed.  "We had to have that fight on the way here apparently.  Touching would probably be a bad idea too in case it was someone with a gift who meant harm.  It's not that hard to replace one as a sub from another office for a few days."

"We can get you a medical card stating you have an implant of some kind," Clay said.  "That'll get you hand wanded."

Xander nodded.  "I do have one.  I have a screw in my hip.  It's embedded thanks to a battle where someone slammed the board that contained it into me."

"They couldn't take it out?" Roque asked.

"No.  It's embedded in the bone.  They didn't want to bother and I didn't want eight weeks in Cleveland healing the broken pelvis.  Unfortunately my other side broke that last time," he said at Jensen's stare his way.

"We'll do a full medical history for whichever doc we decide on," Clay said.  Xander nodded.  "Anything we should know right away?"

"Do not let anyone take my blood," Xander said.  "There's no telling what they'll do with it."

"All right.  You hear stuff about magic using blood," he decided.  He called an underground doc, who could get him that card for the airport within an hour.  "Pooch, we move after the meeting.  Make plans."

"Already on it."  He was calling someone they knew up there.  "Kid, want your own room?"

"Please."  Jensen was still staring at him.  "I can't sleep with other people around anymore.  I haven't been able to do that in years."

"I get that," Jensen promised.  "I usually room with Cougar.  Clay and Roque room and Pooch gets his own."  He grinned.  "C'mon.  We'll buy you some t-shirts to tide you over."

"You two hit Chicago today to pick up anything necessary," Clay ordered.

"Half the stuff's by Cleveland," Xander said.

"They said you weren't to go," Clay said.  "Did you absolutely need something there?"

"Not unless they found my storage area and had it moved.  It's a very Willow thing to do."  He found his phone in his pocket and walked off calling someone.  He came back a few minutes later.  "Spike had them all moved to somewhere safer in the UK.  So I need to hit a Sears or something for some clothes."

"That's fine," Clay promised.  "Go ahead."  Jensen nodded, taking Roque with them.  Clay found the note for the meeting and went to stake it out.  The file had a picture of the girls in his life.  He found one already there and looking upset.  "Miss Lehane," he said quietly, making her jump and grab for a weapon.  "I'm Colonel Franklin Clay."

She sighed.  "I got briefed about your team when X escaped the last time and they decided who'd get him."  She stared at him.  "Is he all right?"

"He threw a fit at his brother, though now I'd expect it to be worse.  He's grabbing some clothes."

"Red packed him a bag but she admitted it might not be his favorite things.  Just stuff she thought he'd like."

"I can add that bag to his," he assured her, making her relax.  "The others?"

"On a later flight.  I had to come up from Atlanta.  Dawn's coming from LA in about an hour.  The others will be in from Cleveland at ten."

"That's late for a meeting."

"We tend to work the night shift," she said dryly.  "I can get them here sooner.  They're flying Wicca air."

"Please."  She nodded, setting it for six.  That would give Dawn an hour to stress and unwind again.  "He'll be okay with us."

"Good!  He'd better!  I may've treated him like shit at one point in time but he's like a brother to me now, Colonel.  I will destroy anyone who hurts him and it wouldn't be my first one."

He smiled.  "His brother's looking forward to catching up on all the stuff he missed thanks to his father telling him he was dead."

"Only Dawn and I know," she warned.

"Good.  From what they said, it might not be welcome news."  She smirked and nodded.  "So give me your take on the boy."

"I've got the room prepped for the meeting," she offered.

"That'll work."  He followed her up there to talk to her about the boy.  He needed a good grasp of him.  There was something...subtly off about the boy.  It wasn't the torture or the being pregnant part.  It was something different.  Which she knew about and explained the hyena possession.  Then the other issues she knew about.  It built a picture in his mind that looked like a more dark version of his hacker.

***

Clay walked up to the boy later, walking him off.  "DNA taint?"

"Mermaid," he said with a smirk.  "Are we playing word association?"  He looked around them since they were in the airport.

Clay stared.  "Is that why you don't want people taking your blood?"

"No."

"You wanna tell me why?  The redhead told me there was one."

"Yup, there is, and no, I'm not.  Ever.  Especially not in public. Not even with a Cone of Silence.  Because there's people who will listen in magically.  That's how they spotted me at the battle."

"Can we trust the Council?"

"Depends on the person.  A lot of them are loyal to it because they're family.  That doesn't mean they'll help me.  They'll help it, not me."

"That's what I figured.  Anything else to declare?"

"Vitamins taste gross."  He walked off to get back in line.  His brother looked at him and he shrugged.  "No comment."

"Fine.  For now."   They got scanned.

Xander got hand-wanded because of his card.  The metal detector beeped over his hip, his eye, which he had warned had some metal pieces in the eyepatch from debris.  They made him take it off, the TSA guard wincing at the sight of the hole.  They let him put it back on after seeing the injury.  They doubted he was hiding anything in the empty socket.  They found another beeping spot and Xander looked, pulling up his pantsleg.  "Oh, piece of the IV line broke," he said.  "That'll come out later."  He let them see the tiny needle piece in his leg.  "Cheap shit they used at Bethesda."

The guard made note of it but his supervisor said it was clearly part of a needle and not a threat.  Like shrapnel.  They let him go through.  The others produced military ID and claimed shrapnel.  They got hand-wanded too.  It went much faster.

"Harris!" someone shouted, running for him.

Xander paused, stared, then shrugged.  "Don't touch."  She stopped to stare at him.  "You good?"

"I'm fine.  Why are you in an airport alone?"

"I'm not alone."

"Yes you are!" she said, looking around.  "I knew we should've demanded the right to guard you."

"I would've killed you all," Xander said dryly.  She nodded that was true.  He pointed behind him.  "There's a whole group of me not being alone, Sam."  He heard the cleared throat.  "Samantha Finn... this is the team guarding me."

"Any relation to Riley?" Pooch asked, staring at her.

"His wife."  She smirked.  "You were with him?"

"Against my will."

"Good."  She looked at Xander.  "You can still go recuperate with Riley in Mali."

"No thanks.  If you want to be a widow that badly, use a local poisonous spider.  They're all over there."

She snickered.  "Figured you'd never let him go."  She smiled.  "Where are you heading?"

"To his storage area and then somewhere safe," Pooch said dryly.  "It's very need to know."

"We can help protect him."

"No," Clay said, shaking his head.  "The less that know the better, ma'am."

"Captain," she corrected.

"Colonel," he said with a smug look.

"Fine, sir."  She smirked at Xander.  "They're rabid.  That's good.  Are they going to let you date?"

"No clue, not sure if I want to," he admitted.  "I'm not really in the mood right now, Finn."

"Sorry, Xander, I forgot how we found you."

Xander shrugged.  "It's fine.  Anything else I need to hear?"

"The higher ups were here."

"I heard.  I was resting."

"Oh."  She nodded.  "Fine.  Want me to give any messages?"

"I'm fine.  Thanks."

She nodded and left them alone.  "I'll tell Riley you said hi, Xander.  Let him know that he's not the only miserable one with healing injuries.  He turned into a big baby, but I know you wouldn't."  She gave him a pointed look.  "They look mean."

Xander nodded.  "They probably are."  She smirked as she strolled off.  He waited until she had disappeared into the crowd.  "Let's not do that again," he said quietly.  "I don't like her, her husband, or their people."

"No doubt that's ever going to be a problem," Pooch said quietly.  "We don't like them either."

Xander looked at him.  "Are you royal?"

"The Pooch is many things, but not real royalty to anyone but his wife."  He gave him a smug look.  "C'mon.  We'll handle things."  Xander nodded, heading to get a milkshake before they boarded.  It ended up with Clay next to the kid.  Jensen was on his other side.  Xander was squirmy so Clay and Jensen switched places and Xander got the aisle seat after all.  That meant Clay had to sit in the middle seat but neither of them were hefty and squishing him.  The stewardess came back and said something to Xander, who stared at her.

"You can't do that, ma'am, because you have to take the last passengers off first," he said bluntly.  "Beyond that, the Air Marshals probably won't mind me being on here."  He looked at him.  "Hey, Howdy."

"Xander?  They finally found you?"  He nodded, then head nodded at Clay.  He looked. Then nodded once.  "No, he stays and gets wherever he's going, Miss," he ordered quietly.  "We need him in a safe spot somewhere unknown because we just rescued him from a sacrificial cult."  He smiled.  "We all like the boy."

"That's fine, Air Marshal."  She went to talk to the last few boarding.  They fussed but got free upgrades on the flight leaving in an hour and didn't have connections.

Howdy the Air Marshal looked at Clay.  "Protect him, okay?  The kid finds some of the weirdest people to have pizza with."   He went to his new seat.

Xander shrugged when he saw the others staring at him.  "It was a date and she wanted to assassinate a mayor."  Jensen moaned, shaking his head.

Roque leaned over to look at Jensen.  "He might break your record, Jensen."

"Bite me, Roque."

"Fine."  He smirked as he leaned back.

Xander shrugged a bit when he saw a normal person staring at him.  "What?"  She turned back around quickly.  Xander settled in.  Once they were in the air, the light above him dinged.  He looked up then shrugged at the air hostess.  He pointed behind him.  He nodded for her to step off and watch.  She scowled but did that.  Sure enough, the kid behind him did it again.  The stewardess said something to the mother, who scowled at her son.  She turned off the light and moved back to her seat.

Ten minutes later it happened again.  She caught Xander catching one this time and scowled at him.  He turned it off for her with a sheepish grin.  The kid hit it again.  The stewardess scowled harder at the kid.  She walked off and heard it bing again.  Now others were looking.  They saw him turn it off and the jawbreaker candy go flying again.  It missed and hit the person in front of Xander, who turned to scowl, but Xander pointed at the kid behind him who hit the call button again.

The stewardess took his home-made slingshot from the giftshop at the airport by what it was made of.  She flicked off the call button and turned off the button in the front, putting the slingshot down.  "There's a kid behind the row of scary looking men," she told her fellow stewardess.  "He's being delightful."

Roque looked over at the next one, then got up and towered over them, his dog tags out.  "I'm going back overseas," he growled.  "I need to rest, kid.  You're such a good shot, I'll have someone come recruit to take my place."  He smirked.  The kid shrank down and handed his mother the box of candy.  "Wise idea."  He sat back down.  Surprisingly enough, the kid was well behaved the rest of the flight.

Clay shook his head at that move.  It was effective and worthy of a laugh.

Xander looked over at him.  "I don't take you for that scary," he quipped with a grin.

"I'll prove it to you sometime later, kid."

Xander snickered.  "Sure, if you're sure."  He leaned back slightly, all the seat would allow him.  The kid kicked Clay's seat so he glared back at them.  He didn't have to resort to a threat.  Drinks came around and they all got theirs.  Xander got a glare from Pooch about his soda.  "I need caffeine to calm down the bounciness."

"Fine.  Regulate it so you don't bounce."  The air marshal laughed at that, shaking his head.  He looked at the kid.

"He saw me on a two-pound candy bar."  He grinned and sipped his drink.  The rest of them got comfortable and settled in to do their usual flight rituals.  Jensen was tapping away at some game that didn't require internet access.  Xander was meditating.  Not too deeply because he didn't want to affect his body, but deeply enough that it was mimicking sleep.   He'd never be able to sleep with people around him but he could mimic the rest he needed.  It'd help some.  He was exhausted.

***

Clay checked them into the hotel and came out to hand out keys.  "Pooch."  He tossed him his.  "Jensen, Cougar."  He tossed that over.

"He can go with his brother if he wants," Cougar said.

"I can't sleep with other people around," Xander said quietly.  "Besides he said he usually rooms with you."  He walked off after being handed his.

"Your rooms adjoin," Clay told Cougar.  "That way they can talk and you can be on guard."  Cougar nodded, not liking it by the look on his face but oh well.  "So does mine."  He handed Roque their key and grabbed the bags.  The kid had his.  That left one and he checked.  "Jensen, you forgot one."

"Coming."  He came down to get it and went back up there.  He opened his door.  Xander hadn't opened his yet so he sat down and stared at it.

"Do the profile," Cougar said quietly.  "That way you know what to talk about."

Jensen nodded at that wisdom, pulling out his computer and getting online.  The motel was cheap but had wi-fi.  He went trolling for all the information he could gather on his brother.  What he saw did not amuse him.  He was scowling by the time he started to find videos.  Someone knocked and Cougar got them extra towels.  The housekeeping woman walked on, knocking on Xander's door.  "He might be asleep," he called.

She moved onto Clay and Roque's room.  They got a few extra towels too.  Xander came out to get one from her and went back to bed.  Jensen kept searching, getting more and more pissed.  He wasn't sure if he was mad at his brother, at his brother's friends who had dragged him into that world, or his father for abandoning his other son for some reason.

He wrote him a nasty email demanding to know why he had been lied to.  He went back to searching, finding all sorts of things he didn't want to believe or think about.  He finally got up and went to Clay's room, knocking until Roque let him in.  "Clay."  He let him see what he had.  "Either my brother is like Roque but hides it better, or he's some sort of scary other sort."

Clay read it over, skipping the videos for now.  He found the more reliable the source, the more respecting they were.  "The demons respect him more than his friends," he said quietly.  He kept going, ending with the videos.  He blanched, letting Roque and Jensen watch with him.  "Why no guns?"

"Wouldn't have worked," Xander called.  "The walls are thin and it'll explode around minute twenty."

"Good to know.  Thanks."  They kept watching.  Yup, it did explode in minute twenty-two.  They kept going and it was worse.  It kept getting worse.  The news report about Sunnydale had been found.

"That's what my sister saw and didn't tell me," Jensen said quietly.  "He apparently lost the eye a few months at the most before then."  Clay nodded once at that.

"Jesus," Roque muttered during the next one.  "He's not there."

"They never recalled him for that one and the next one," Clay said quietly.  "The girls said it was so he was protected."  Roque growled, shaking his head once.  Jensen was tense and stiff.  "Relax," he ordered.  Jensen and them watched.  "We were in LA not three weeks later.  They cleaned it up very well."

Jensen sighed, flipping to another screen.  "The same day as that one he was doing that."

Clay read, grimacing.  That was on an underground network the covert commando teams used to pass intel about areas.  He did make a note to one team wondering that he wasn't in Africa.  So they were safe.  The tech support guy on that team opened a private chat room to tell him what they had heard since Clay said they had spotted him.  Just a friendly warning that made Xander look like the 'godzilla of that ain't right' as the tech support guy put it.  His team leader typed in his own message and put his name after it.  Clay nodded, making a note of that and thanking them.  He signed off, letting Jensen have it back.  "Now we know what to ask," he offered.

Jensen looked at him.  "He's seen more combat than I have," he said.  Clay nodded.  "And we've seen shitloads."

"We have," Roque agreed, sitting on his bed.  "He'll expect you to shy away from him over this."

"No, he's my *twin*, Roque."  He got up and went back to his own room.  He picked the lock on the other door and walked in, shutting them both before he sat down next to Xander.  "A commando compared you to Godzilla."

"Tell Barry I said hi."  He blinked at his twin.  "I don't want to talk about it.  I did what was necessary."

"That's how I feel usually too.  Even during those moments when it all catches up to you and you have to think.  Then I remember I'm protecting Jess.  I never knew I was protecting you too.  I missed you like hell," he nearly whispered.  "They even put me in therapy, Xander."

Xander looked up at him.  "Willow's parents tried a few times."

"Did you know we were alive?"  Xander nodded.  "What did mom tell you?"

"That Dad was a shithead and had left me there on purpose because I wasn't any use to him."

"I sent a nasty, swearing email at him to demand answers."

"He's in Omaha this week.  The Council keeps track of him."

"Yeah, I saw where your head guy handed him to Pooch's former unit.  That whole issue was fucked up."  Xander nodded, relaxing again.  "Are... are you good?  I mean, mostly good?  No usual issues that make you flinch?  No phobias?"

"I got rid of the clown phobia a few years back."

"That's good."  He slid down to lay down and face him.  Like they had when they were kids.  It felt safer and more comfortable.  "How did you get into that mess?" he asked quietly.

"Jesse got taken.  I demanded Buffy take me to help find him."

Jensen swallowed.  "Damn, Xander.  I know Jesse was closer than I was most of the time."  He reached out and hesitated then brushed some of his hair off his forehead.  "Jess wanted to cry on you."  Xander shook his head.  "You sure?"

"She knew.  She didn't send one single letter, card, email, phone call.   I'm... not for a good, long time, Jake."

He nodded.  "I understand.  I wouldn't want to either.  Actually, I told her I didn't want to talk to her at all at the moment.  We have a niece.  She's wonderful."  He pulled out his wallet to show him a picture.  "That was her last birthday."  Xander grinned, touching it.  "She does look so much like Jess, she's almost a clone."  He grinned, putting it between them.  "I spoil her rotten.  I told her about you last year."  He looked at Xander.  "She was so sad.  She said you sounded neat and nice."

"I probably was back then."

"We were both little hell raisers, Xander."

"True.  I eventually grew out of that."

Jensen shifted closer but Xander looked uneasy so he just shifted his position.  "Want to talk about any of it?"

"No."

"Okay.  When you're ready, I want to hear."  Xander nodded.  "Got any plans for him or her?"

"No.  Not yet."  He shrugged a bit.  "I'll figure it out eventually."

"We, Xander.  We.  Now that I know you're alive, you're not getting that far out of my sight for a while, even if I have to stalk you."  Xander snorted, shaking his head.  "I will.  I'm a good stalker.  The army taught me well how to stalk and capture and then make you feel miserable for trying to get away."

"Relax, Jake."

"I am.  You're not."

"I'm fine."

Jake stared at him.  "I say that all too often," he admitted.  "Pain?"  Xander shrugged.  "Too much pain?"

"I took some advil."

"Good.  You have to let us know these things.  That way we can make plans for them in case something happens."

"If I can hide, nothing should unless they're mystically tracking me.  Which I wouldn't put past Willow."

"I'm pretty sure Clay told her it'd make you less safe."  He shifted again, stretching out this time.  "Can I...  Just a hug?  Then you can beat my ass later?"  Xander shrugged again so he hugged him.  Xander slowly hugged back.  "I missed you so much," he whispered.

"Don't make me emo, Jake.  We'll have many months of that coming up."

Jensen laughed, pinching him on the arm.  "If you're sure."  He stared at him.  "Need anything specific for eye care?"  Xander shook his head.  "No rinse or anything?"

"No.  It's good."

"Okay.  All you have to do is let us know."  He stroked his cheek underneath the patch.  "If it wasn't dead I'd go kill it for you."

Xander grimaced.  "It got fully dead."

"Good."  He moved his hand and grinned.  "We should get a pizza tonight."

"Let me rest first?"

"Of course."  He hopped up, leaving the picture there.  "I'll find the other pictures of her I have hidden in my kit and on my computer.  I even have a birthday video I think," he offered.

"Yeah, I might like that."  Jensen grinned and went back to his own room.  Xander looked at the picture of his niece.  Things were getting back to scary, emo range again.  He put the picture on the other pillow and drifted off, resting as much as he could.  He wouldn't get much sleep for the next few years and he knew that he needed it to finish healing too.

***

Jensen walked in with a pizza.  "Xander?" he called quietly.

"Shower."

"Cool."  He sat on the bed, smiling at the picture.  He put the box down in front of him, waiting on his brother.  When Xander came out he was only wearing a towel around his waist.  Jensen gasped, pulling him closer.

"Jake, let go," Xander ordered.

"Hell, Xander!  You still need to be covering those."

"They're fine.  Let.  Go."  Jensen let him go.  "Thank you."

"Sorry, I didn't even think about the grabbing stuff."  He gave him a hug.  "Any others?"

"Few others," he admitted.  "I'm fine.  They're mostly healed."

"Xander, you have more scars than Roque does."  He stared at him.  "Want me to get the first aid kit so I can put neosporin on them?"

"Nah, they're almost gone."  He put on clothes quickly.  "What'd you get us?"

"Cheese because I don't know if you like anything on yours."  He grinned.  "But we can order a second one later."

"Cheese is always good, especially since I'm told I'll have cravings later on."  He sat down and handed the picture back.  Jake looked hurt.  "That's yours."

"You can have that one.  I have another."  Xander grinned and put it into his wallet. Jake smiled at him and they dug in, talking about sports.  Neither was great but they had both come to appreciate soccer.  They could get closer again.  Slowly but carefully.  Jensen wasn't going to pry about Xander's hunting stuff.  If his brother wanted to talk to him he'd talk.

***

Clay spotted the kid sneaking off, grabbing a jacket to follow him.  "What is he thinking?" he muttered.  He glanced over the kid for weapons, not finding any obvious ones.  Maybe a knife holster.  Xander checked before breaking into a place and heading to a back area they could hear music from.  Clay followed, staying in the shadows.

The kid wasn't really worried about being followed, which was stupid of him, but he was being very careful not to be seen.  The music got louder when a storage area's door opened.  Then he saw the blow gun tube come out of the boy's jacket.  He timed it well.  Two of them disappeared before their buddies were aware of it.  They went to dust, which was a bit freak worthy but otherwise not bad of the kid.

"Man, they must've already left on that beer run," one of the other vamps said.  "I was going to ask them to get me a twinkie too."  He grimaced.  "It's a good thing the local slayer's in Regina this week for her sister's wedding."  The other vamp belched as he put down his empty can, nodding.  "Think they're still pissy over losing Harris?"

"I heard they found him but strange things happened," his buddy said.  "Something about chaos sorts and if he came back he'd be bringing an apocalypse with him.  So they retired him."

"Aww, that's so sweet of them," Xander said, stepping into the light.  "Yeah, the whole 'last of the slayer line' child thing is killing my kidneys right now."  He stared at them.

"Shit, Harris!" the one with the beer can yelped, backing up.  "Dude, it's our stuff.  We're not stealing!"

Xander stared at him.  "I gave Merissa that tape."  The vampire whimpered.  "And while I know you're her ex, didn't I warn you not to piss her off?"

"Yeah," he said cautiously.  "I didn't."

"You tried to nibble."

"Oops?  It's instinct but I didn't get more than a sip.  I can see why Angel and Spike dated Buffy.  They were strong enough to not get addicted to her taste and put up with her."  His fellow vampire rushed the kid and got staked very casually.  "Man!" he whined.  "He's my sire."

Xander stared at him.  "Go learn how to do it the non-drinking way."

"That's not fun."

"If you don't, Merissa's going to be single."

"Oh."  He considered that option.  "Butcher shop blood tastes nasty."

"Yeah, Spike would agree with you on that," he said dryly.  "Get out of Merissa's shit."

"But...."  He vamped out.  "You brought backup for a change?"

Xander sniffed then shook his head.  "He followed for my brother."  He stared at him.  "Well?"

The vampire whimpered.  "It's gross."

"Hey, go to LA.  Maybe Connor can find you some nice cons or something."  The vampire moaned, nodding happily.  "Shoo."  He walked past him.  Xander pulled down the door and locked it.  The vampire came rushing back to eat him and Xander staked him.  "I warned you."  He walked off.  "I can do that, Clay."

"It's too dangerous in your condition," he said impatiently, stepping into the hallway.  "You're not supposed to do that while you're that way.  It could kill you both."

"That's why I did it long distance.  I know what I'm doing."

"Go clubbing to relieve the stress," Clay ordered, staring at him.  "It's safer and your brother or someone can go with you."

"I'm not really interested in that stuff right now."

Clay nodded.  "I can understand why, kid, but you still need to not do dangerous things.  Otherwise there's no real reason for you to need guarded."

Xander huffed.  "Fine.  Whatever."

"Thank you."  He led him back to the motel.  Pooch was giving them a long stare.  "He went for some stress relief."

"Merissa asked me to check on her stuff because she thought her boyfriend might try to jack some of it."

"How did she know you'd be local?" Pooch asked.

"Willow told her," he said dryly.

"I'll get onto her about that," Clay assured him.  "That's not safe."  He walked the boy into his room, sitting down at the small table to look at him.  "How much of that profile your brother pulled up was fact?" he asked quietly.

"I didn't really go over it."  Clay went to get the computer and brought it back so he could read it over.  Xander huffed as he read.  "They were watching when no one else was apparently.  Though I've seen two inaccurate things, mostly who I didn't sleep with."  He kept reading, sighing at a few things.  "I wasn't there.  They assumed I was."  He showed him.  "I was in the hospital with malaria.  The girls assumed I was there because they knew I'd be there if I could.  None of them really paid any attention when I got sick."

"You need better friends."

"It's a calling, not a game, Colonel."

He nodded.  "I figured it'd have to be."  He looked at him, watching him read the rest.  "I'm going to have a doc *I* trust do a full workup.  That way we make sure you're healthy and that nothing like that could damage either of you."

"Bethesda did a good job," he said quietly, looking up at him.

"I saw their records.  They barely did any bloodwork after that one test result came back positive."

"That's because we had to block some things being looked at," Xander told him.  "Because they could have leaks or hackers might find things."

"Mine won't.  He's underground, has his own lab.  He can run his own tests.  He will not tell because he's seen about everything.  He knows enough people with strange things that can get them killed to make a fortune and he doesn't.  Plus we need to check the health of the newest little hellion in there."

Xander swallowed.  "I don't want him running certain tests on my blood.  Yes he can check me for the routine problems but that'll come with more issues.  There's people like Willow on the other side too."

"I get that," he said, thinking about it.  "What else did you have beyond malaria, kid?"

Xander smirked.  "That's a whole different matter.  I wasn't sick for that long."

"Something like super measles?  Ebola?"

"No, they ruled out ebola when I got really sick once.  That was right before that thing in Antigua.  I was recovering down there actually when that happened."  He sighed.  "I...  Got exposed to some long dead viruses."

"Dangerous ones?" he guessed.  Xander nodded.  "Jensen, is there a hunt order on your brother's blood?" he called.  The walls were thin enough that he didn't have to shout.  If Jensen wasn't awake, Cougar would wake him and tell him to look.

Jensen walked in and sat down, taking his computer back to look it up.  He stared then at his brother.  "How did that happen?"

Xander looked over his arm.  "DNA taint.  Swim coach."  He looked at him.  "Look at that rebellion group down in the eastern, middle part of Africa."  Jensen knew who he was talking about.  So did Clay by the way he was staring at him.  Xander shrugged slightly, ducking his head.

"Aramon," Clay said bluntly.

"Kinda," he hissed.  He shrugged a bit.  "They had my slayer?"

Jensen glared at him then went back to looking.  "Shit," he muttered.

"They ruled out ebola."

"We're lucky no one bigger has heard about that," he said, staring at his brother.  Xander looked then shrugged.  He let Clay see it.  "You're a virologist's wet dream, Xander.  How did you do that?"

"I fell into a burial chamber while I was working."

Jensen groaned, leaning forward to cover his face with his hands.  Then he looked at his brother.  "We're going to make you disappear.  It'll be a complete wipe of all the online traces."

"If you do that you'll compromise the slayer network."

Jensen considered that.  "We can work around that and make sure there's no obvious information about you."

"The Council has some and they knew that before the majority of them got killed, Jensen.  That happened back before we took down a special ops group in Sunnydale."  Clay nearly dropped the computer.  "They were torturing people!"

"Fuck," Clay said.  "I know someone who was out there beyond Pooch."  He went to talk to him.  He came back ten minutes later, staring at the kid.  "The weapons?"

"Were in Chicago," he said dryly.  "They're in the UK now.  Mystical transport company thanks to Spike."

Clay blinked a few times then nodded.  "Jensen, someone in the government did get some of his blood to test, thanks to that bastard vampire they were sheltering and using."  Xander huffed.  "Find any and all reports and delete them.  Wipe him as clean as you can without compromising the slayer network.  We'll work on the whole new identity thing tomorrow, kid."  He went back to his room.  The brothers needed to talk.

Jensen stared at him.  "At least you'll be able to retire.  No one should come looking for you in that special way."

"It sucks ass.  I'm scary so people don't attack me.  It's not like almost every demon can't tell I'm a hellmouth born child."

"Why didn't I get that same sort of problem?" Jensen asked.

Xander shrugged.  "You got evacuated soon enough maybe?  That's something to ask someone like Dad since Giles claims he knows nothing about that."

"When I beat the hell out of him, I'll leave him living enough to answer then."  He gave his brother a hug.  "Why are you in street clothes?"

"One of the slayers wanted me to check on her stuff because she's at her sister's wedding this week.  Her ex was a douche who was turned."

"That sucks."

"I gave him the chance, he attacked."  He shrugged.  "They do that."  Jensen hugged him harder.  Xander wiggled free.  "No clinging."

"Shut up, Xander.  You're my brother and I need to cling and stalk right now since I finally got you back."  He stared at him.  "You've been alone a long time, and I get that, but it's making me feel highly overprotective and even Jess gets this treatment sometimes after bad missions."  He hugged him again.  "We should rest."

"I can't sleep with people."

"I'm not a people."

"You're a human that makes you a people."

"Do you kick your girls out of your bed?"

Xander nodded.  "It's been a long damn time since I let anyone screw me and stay over.  Since before I walked away from Anya actually."

Jensen swallowed, nodding.  "We need to find you a nice girlfriend."

"Eww."

"Or boyfriend," he offered.

"Ehh, no.  Not even thinking about that stuff right now."

"Okay.  I get that."  He helped Xander back into bed and went back to his own.  Tomorrow he'd obsessively stalk his brother again and see what was wrong with Cougar.  Because he was acting stranger than normal.

***

Jensen and Cougar were off getting breakfast stuff.  "Okay, spill," Jensen said once they were in the car and headed for the store.  Cougar grunted.  "I know something's wrong.  You've been giving me dirty looks.  Is it because you didn't know I was born a twin?"

"He is wrong," Cougar said in Spanish.  "You can feel the wrongness."

Jensen sighed, slinking down some in his seat.  "The town we were born in, the one he grew up in, was on a hellmouth.  That's a spot of thinness between realms and dimensions, Cougs.  It's a lot like space radiation.  That's why all the bad things were drawn to Sunnydale.  Apparently I didn't get as much as he did.  He thinks he's still got some stored somewhere in him."  He looked at his best friend.  "Or are you talking about how they tortured him and did spells on him?"

"That is a further wrong."

"Would you rather he had miscarried and all the slayers died?  Because apparently the line dies out with the one he's carrying if she's not healthy."  Cougar shuddered, shaking his head.  "Then you wanna talk about this?"

"It's against God's laws."

"Yeah, well, the ones who did it to him are demons," he said dryly.  "Wolfram and Hart are like that.  That's why they keep trying to end the world."  Cougar shot him a look when he had to pause at a stop sign.  "They've been behind some of the major apocalypses in the last few years.  They're also government contractors," he said with a smirk.  "The same people that pay us to stop the hell pay them to start the road to hell."

"What does he plan on doing with the child?" Cougar asked as he pulled into the parking lot.

"He said he's not sure but I'm sure he's not giving it up for adoption.  He's been lonely and needs the time off anyway.  I have *no* idea what our father is going to do since he changed the curse on him apparently."  He unbuckled and got out, looking at Cougar across the roof of the car.   "If a british guy who looks a *lot* like Xander shows up, wing him.  We both need to kick his ass and he's evil.  I'll show the picture I have of him later.  There's no telling what sort of complications we'll have from him."  He walked inside.  "Twinkies.  Xander always liked twinkies."  He headed for that area.

Cougar went to get real food, not Jensen food.  He had a lot to think about.  How could God let something like that happen?

A priest in the store looked at him.  "My son, sometimes God has plans that are not ours.  Including needing oranges ripened during a festival to one of his saints where they're presented in honor."  He picked a few that were mostly ripe and walked off.

Cougar stared at the priest for a minute.  If that was his answer, it was too cryptic for him but maybe he understood.  Not like the kid could've protested.  He was being tortured.

***

Jensen sat down next to Xander on the bed, staring over his shoulder at what his brother was doing.  "Not that I mind but nothing I've seen shows that you can hack," he said quietly.

"I'm not hacking.  I'm chatting to set some things up."  He looked at him.  "Tell him we're going to Malaysia if we can.  That way we have a house waiting near a beach?"

"That's not a bad idea.  Anything on the area?"

"Yeah, actually, it used to belong to the Council.  Giles suggested it by telling Willow to turn the deed over to me.  She said she's sending Spike to get my stuff there."  Jensen nodded, going to tell Clay that.  Xander got back to chatting with a few underground friends.  He was having visions of grandeur that he shouldn't have.  Clay and Jensen came back so he typed in a 'brb' and switched windows.  "That's the old Council house.  It's got ten bedrooms, seven bathrooms, is mostly private, about a mile from a town.  There's a tiny hospital about thirty minutes away and half the docs are listed on the underground as knowing something, or there's some really good underground surgeons nearby.  It's warm, it's soothing with the ocean, it's fairly well protected, and Giles gave it to me."

He nodded.  "That'll solve a lot of issues.  Security system?"

"Wards against demons.  Willow went to do that and Dawn promised to do a memory spell so she won't remember where it is.  Giles told her to."  He smirked.  "Dawn has always protected me and Giles said it was the least he could do since I'd have to train her or him in how to be a slayer.  Also, our fucking father isn't allowed in the country.  Wolfram and Hart only have two allies in the area, and one of them owes me majorly so we probably won't see him.  The other I can take artillery to if it shows up.  Plus, very low cost of living so cheap to hide there.  And hey, when I'm hugely fat and round I can wear a sarong or Indian pants with ties."

"That's not a bad plan, kid.  Are you going to keep it?"

"Depends on what they try after I give birth."  He looked at his brother then back at Clay.  "Also, it'll let what's-his-name bring his wife if he wants because that area's not in turmoil like some areas."

"That'll work," he decided.  "Airport?"

"Within forty miles of the house.  Roads might be a bit bumpy, not totally sure by google earth."

Jensen looked.  "Cougar?"  He came in.  "You had a mission over there, how's the local atmosphere and roads?"

Cougar looked then shrugged.  "Roads are like South American roads.  I was on another island but the locals were nice.  The cities are their problem."

"Then we can do that," Clay decided.  "If we have to, we can head from there."  Xander nodded at that.  "Do you have a backup spot?"

"Yes, but I don't really want to go back to Russia.  I technically own the apartment a slayer is living in, but she's sick right now.  She has a version of demon pox and they're not sure if she'll make it."

"Which would be covering your rear but still in your name," Clay warned.

"No, it's in my backup ID.  Which no one at the Council knows outside of Faith and Dawn.  So is this house.  Dawn made sure of it.  Giles had her handle the paperwork so he could sit with Mya."

"That's even better," Clay agreed, smiling at him.  "Any other plots?"

"Yeah, I'm thinking about becoming the Lex Luthor sort against Wolfram and Hart.  Someone has to now that Angel's passed on."

"We need you to lay low," Jensen reminded him.

Xander grinned.  "If I give you three names can you make them miserable?"  Jensen nodded.  He wrote them out and handed them over.  "Let me finish my chat and I'll give you your laptop back."

"Sure.  Who are you chatting with?" Jensen asked.

"Some guys I met in Africa.  One I met in Hong Kong when I was getting free of his asshole cousin."  He grinned.  "Because I want the baby's birthday present to have fireworks."  He got back to it.  "Oh, if we're going into my storage area, yeah I hold the backup armory for the Council.  I'm the only one who likes things beyond the sharp and pointy sort.  The girls like to pet them when it's necessary but don't like maintenance work on them."

"Okay," Clay said, walking off to consider that.  He told Pooch that information, letting him call some people he knew in that part of the world.  A few hours later, Clay came back to find Jensen hacking in Xander's room and Xander asleep.  He nudged the kid, staring at him.  "You have a what sort of nuclear weapon in storage?"

Xander blinked at him.  "No, it's not in storage."  He tapped the earring he wore.  "It's embedded mystically so I can pull it out if it's ever that bad.  Since I've been pulled to a few demon realms over the years and they seem to like me a lot."  He shifted.  "It's my third one."

Clay stared at him.  "You used...."

"Yeah, the demon realm wanted to gang rape me.  Hell yes!"

Clay stared at him.  "Anything that way I want and need to know about, before they're pulled out, kid."

Xander looked at him.  "Some are embedded in scars?" he said sheepishly.  "I have one in my scalp I can never find?"

Clay stared.  "Why didn't the hand wand pick those up?"

"Hellmouth taint?"

"Uh-huh.  I think we need to do a better debrief."

"I'm immune to truth serum," he said quickly.

"I wasn't even going to think about it.  It might kill the baby."  He stared at him.  "We're not that sort of team usually."

"Sure you're not.  That's not what Barry and Chris said."

Jensen looked up.  "Chris hates me because he cheats at poker and Cougar beats him by cheating better."

"Why does that make him hate you?"

"Because I taunt him about it," Jensen said with a grin.  "Like your rep, don't believe everything you read, Xander."

"They got most of mine right."  Jensen stopped typing to stare at him, mouth open.  "They listed two people I didn't sleep with that they thought I had, and a battle I was sick during but the girls were certain I was there and had disappeared too fast afterward so no one could bitch me out."

Jensen swallowed.  "You were in Guarnja?"

"Yeah, for about two weeks and that was an accident.  I was on vacation, Jensen.  They just happened to show up and try that temple while I was in the marketplace buying souvenirs."  They both stared at him oddly.  "There were only three of them to stake!" he defended.  "I get plenty of that 'you're normal, quit doing that' from the girls," he said firmly.

"We're just fucking amazed, Xander," Jensen assured him.  "We're normal guys with training too.  Really.  I'd never lecture anyone who did anything unless it was totally stupid and risked their lives without any training or reason.  Though there was that time some kid picked up a fallen gun and shot someone who was trying to stab me.  I did remind him that doing such things lead to a bad life like that guy's or mine."  He stared at his twin.  "Weird things happen around me too.  Clay dates really dangerous women who want to kill him."

Xander looked at him.  "At least mine quit trying to kill me?" he offered.  "Mostly?  Outside of Ellenna Beth?"

"Mitcherson?" Clay asked.  Xander grinned and nodded.  "You need better taste in women and that says something coming from me, kid," he said dryly.  "Not even I'd date that."

"I was really lonely and she just happened to be where I was the last time.  Well, the last three times."  He cleared his throat.  "She's really good in bed.  Even if she did threaten to sell me to someone if I didn't get back to the oral sex and I did kinda free her supply line," he babbled.  "Because selling people is *bad* and wrong and all that good stuff.  So yeah, I had to break in and get those people out of there.  And well, the guards were very amused when I beat one.  They told her when she got better and she still came back for more sex but she quit selling people for a while because I upset them by freeing her captives and they don't like her as much anymore."

Roque leaned in through the adjoining door.  "Kid, you babble worse than your brother.  If you're going to date while we're around, we'll pick you up someone nice and hopefully sane."  He went back to talking to Cougar.  He was clearly uneasy and something had to be done about that before he hesitated.

Jensen stared at his brother.  "I'll teach my niece or nephew how to pick up better women and men," Jensen decided, getting back to work.  "Why do we want them destroyed, Xander?"

"Two of them were there during the ritual that knocked me up and the other wants to sacrifice Dawn.  I promised to kill him really hard but then I got captured."

"Huh.  Sure, that's a good reason."  He added his own devious twist to the destruction.  They needed to be miserable and suffer first.  And hey, the baby needed a college and shoe shopping fund.  All the slayers apparently shopped like teenage girls.  Even if they weren't.

***

Xander found his storage area was now in the garage of the house.  Which was nice since Dawn had expanded it and put up overhead signs to show where things were.  Xander closed the garage door and went to get the car keys.  "Groceries?"

"Might be a good idea," Clay agreed.  "Pooch?"  He nodded, taking the kid with him.  "Jensen, any problems for comms or tech gear?"

"No.  We have a good backup generator and a supply of gas.  We might want to add some more because we only have seven five-gallon containers.  All the rooms have electricity and cable.  There's a cable modem already set up, and cable tv.  All the beds somehow have fresh linen too."

"Dawn left a note saying she had cleaned up the place," Clay said.  "Cougar, security?"

"Good.  Plenty of areas."

Roque nodded.  "The gate is good and sturdy.  It'd take a tank to break through it.  The house looks solid enough.  There's gear down by the beach, balance beams and exercise stuff.  The kitchen looks like it works.  The bathrooms are nice enough."

"Good," Clay said.  "Set up a rotation and, Jensen, do cameras on the roads and things."  He nodded.  "Then with your brother go through his storage area so we know what he has that we can count on.  It'll give you two some time to talk alone."

"I can do that.  I also notice we have five brand spanking new toss away phones in the kitchen.  All with various serial numbers and local sim cards."  He smirked.  "I can reup the minutes on them online or in person at most every store locally."

"Good.  Whoever did that plan helped a lot."

"Xander asked Dawn since she'd never betray him."

"It's good to know he has an ally."  Clay went to check his room.  Roque had tossed his bag into one.  It was nice.  Full size bed was going to be a bit short but he'd handle it.  The bathroom nearest his room was nicely set up.  Shower and tub, toilet, bidet, sink on a pedestal in a clamshell shape.  It was sand and really light pink but he'd deal with that.

***

Xander slid away that night, going to his storage area's side door.  He snuck in and closed the door again.  He locked it and put on the chain, then went looking for specific things.  He needed some things to get some people back for doing this to him.  Though when he had called Dawn earlier she was upset because it was apparently apocalypse time and annoyed at her sister so she had taken it out on him.  He had said a nice thank you and let her go back to her stuff.  He found the box of documents he needed and it was better.  She hadn't bothered to repack anything, just moved it.  He felt the magic shift and winced.  Something had happened.  He felt it start to undo the stretching spell and did something stupid.  He had ignored that for so long it hurt to do but he was fine.  The crunch was a minimal one and then it went back.  He smiled, getting back into his digging.  The main door rattled.  "It's nothing."

It was opened by Roque.  "I heard a crunch."

"Yeah, the stretching spell wasn't fully anchored so it undid for a second.  Sorry to wake you."  He got back into the box, pulling out what he needed.

Roque walked between things, looking at what he was pulling out.  "Your fake ID files?"  Xander nodded.  "That's going to be a good thing to have."

"Also the bribe money for when someone tries something."  He pointed.  "It's over there somewhere.  I'll get it in a few minutes."

"Okay.  Anything break?"

"I hope not."  He looked around.  "Anything on the bottom is heavier and probably in a padded case if it's a weapon so probably not."  Roque looked at him oddly.  "What?"

"Never mind."  He left, closing the door after himself.  He heard the twang of a crossbow and reopened it.  "What was that?"

"Rat."  He pointed.

Roque got the carcass free and tossed it into the bush, handing him the bolt back, getting a grin.  Roque went back to his room deciding that Xander was the scary twin of the two of them.  Jensen could be cold and mean when necessary but Xander was downright strange and probably really dangerous.  He'd have to tell Clay about the overhead signs.  The whole 'weapons' section was probably a good thing to go over.

***

Jensen walked into the garage th next morning, handing Xander a cup of coffee.  "Iced."  Xander grinned, sipping it before putting it aside.  "What are you looking at?"

"Slayer related documents to see if I need to shred anything.  I haven't done a shredding job in a while.  And I still need to talk to her in Kazakstan, see if anything of mine is still around."

"I can email her," Jensen offered.

"She's computer phobic.  I'll call if I can find my spare cellphone."  Jensen looked and went to a likely looking section, finding one.  "That's it.  Thanks."

"That's older."

"It's nearly indestructible."  He called.  "It's Xander."  She squealed and he pulled the phone away from his ear.  "Hey."  He smiled.  "Demon lawyers.  Yes, the ones I warned you about.  How are we?"  He listened.  "You can stake those usually.... oh, in heat.  Yeah, that'll take silver but I left you the silver stakes in that little case."  He grinned.  "Yup, the other are cold iron."  He listened to her give a report.

"No, I can't go back right now.  Because the lawyers tried to use me to end the slayer line," he said bluntly.  "No, I'm pregnant."  She gasped then babbled something in her native language, mostly praying he was joking.  "I wish.  No, I'm safe.  I had to retire of course, and they're still hunting me so I'm hiding really good.  That's why I was calling, yeah.  Please?  I can give you a local address and pick it up.  Thank you, dear.  I know you wouldn't.  Otherwise I would've had Faith call.  No, they had me for almost three months.  No, I hate food."

She giggled and said something.  "I know.  I helped a few of you through your own."  He sighed.  "But some day she or he will be part of the slayer line.  You call me if you need me.  I can at least give advice and that stuff.  Yup, I'm certain.  There's no way anyone can trace this line.  That's why we set it up that way.  Thank you, dear.  You be careful and make sure I hear how you're doing.

"Spread it to the others of my girls you talk to.  I'm okay and it'll be fine.  I just had to retire.  No, Buffy didn't force me to but I can't really be in a battle this way, right?"  He grinned.  "Exactly.  Thanks.  Be safe, make me a great uncle some year, Ella.  I mean it."  She laughed and promised she would get to work on that, her mother would like that too.  "I know.  Be safe, dear."  He hung up.  "I had someone very clever set up an untraceable email and phone system among us."

"That's always a helpful thing," Jensen said, taking the phone to look over.  "Magic?"

"Slightly."

Jensen looked up.  "I felt magic last night?"

"For some reason the anchoring spell came undone."

"Oh."

"I just held it.  I don't practice or anything."

"Good!"  Jensen stared at him.  "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"No, I'm still freaking out."

"I can understand that."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "Let's get the rest of the stuff you need inside there and then we'll come look over the weapons?"

"Sure."  He got the clothes and papers, plus some money in there, then they came back to do some weapons petting.  Jensen found something and took a picture, sending it to Clay's phone.  Clay came in a few minutes later to look that over.  Xander looked up.  "It crunched a bit but it looks all right."

"Why hasn't someone arrested you for that?"

"What else are you supposed to use to take down demons when they're as big as a trailer or larger?  Everyone may hate the Council but they hate it when we don't show up in time even more or when we make a mess fighting something.  They'd much rather we once off it and then fade to the shadows again."

"Good point I suppose."  He helped them go through the weapons.   "Is this all your gear?"

"No, Spike didn't move the one in Chicago or the one I keep in Fez.  He didn't know about the one in Fez and the one in Chicago is mostly slayer related stuff.   I need to sneak and look them over."

"I thought Spike moved the stuff in Chicago," Jensen said.

"So did I.  All this was in my main storage area in Cleveland though."  He called Spike.  It was dinner time, he might be up.  "Spike, me, didn't you say you moved the Chicago stuff?"  He listened to the complaining.  "Well, yeah, I'd like my weapons since a huge demon just appeared outside."  He opened something and shot the demon, making it crack into little pieces and crumble.  He listened to him again.  "So, what's the huge problem?"  He listened, then snorted.  "Spike, put me on a really loud speaker.  Please."  He mumbled something rude but had Dawn amplify it.

Xander said something, sounding perfectly reasonable, in a demon language.  He could hear Spike cackling.  Yay.  He finished up with a spat phrase.  "I've had enough, people.  Don't make me come back there right now.  I'm not really in a great mood thanks to Wolfram and Hart.  You're taking me away from their destruction.  Now, are there other problems?"  Spike said something else.  "Well, yay.  I tell you what.  Dawn can do a mimicking charm so *everyone* can feel how it is to be knocked up," he snarled.  "That way you can all have morning fucking sickness with me."  Buffy yelled about his language.

"Yay, Buffster.  You can show how very well it works."  She walked off shuddering, he could hear it.  "Now, is there really an apocalypse battle?  Because right now I'm in a *charming* mood," he said with a smile.  "I've just met up with my twin brother again after quite a while.  I'm having to consolidate things from everywhere back to where I am.  I'm not a happy Xander and I'm coming up there to prove it!"  The demons fled.  "Thank you for your cooperation!" he called.

"Very sweet of you.  Tell Hubert I'm fine and if he sends another guard down I'm going to freeze them next time just to switch things up.  Spike, can you please talk to Barry and what's-his-name in Fez that's a fucking idiot who I wanted to bury in the sand?"  He listened.  "No, the other one, Spike.  Yes, him.  He has the emergency keys to my storage area there.  Thank you.  Sorting out the stuff from Cleveland and making my brother give me very worried looks.  Yes, Willow, Jensen.  I'll have him send you a picture," he said dryly.  He hung up.  Then he threw the phone.   "I'm so glad I picked the unfragile ones."

"Xander," Jensen asked quietly.  "Want a hug?"

"No.  Don't touch."  He walked off, going into the woods and down toward the beach.  Roque gave hm an odd look.  "My friends are judgmental bitches.  Even the male ones."

"We were told that."

"It's a good thing they don't know who our father is."  He went to play in the surf, hoping the sound would calm the anger and the nausea.  He had to run to a bush to puke but that was something he expected.  He went back to playing in the surf, getting comfortable.  He decided to get naked and frolic.  It was time to frolic and play.  And if some water sprites showed up to play and pat his stomach, that was fine.

Jensen followed after a few minutes, giving his twin time to calm down.  He watched him play with the water sprites.  He took off his shirt, pants, and boots and socks, heading down to join him.  "Is it safe?"

"They're water sprites.  As long as you respect them they're friendly."  He grinned.  "This is my twin brother, Great Ones."  They floated over to look at Jensen and poke him, getting a grin and some frolicking from him too.

Roque watched, then looked behind him when he heard a footstep.  "Clay!" he called over the comm.   He stared at the redhead.  "What do you want, Rosenburg?"

"Why is he naked?"

"He's having fun."  Clay walked up behind her.  Roque nodded at her.

"Rosenburg," Clay growled.  "Didn't we point out how dangerous it was to pinpoint him?"

"Why is he naked?" she asked.

"The baby apparently wanted out."  She shuddered.  "They did it to him, not like he did the spell to do it to himself," Clay said dryly.  He stared her down.  "Is there a problem?"

"He's naked and playing with water sprites?" she demanded.

Xander got out with a sigh, walking over to them.  "Why yes, I am.  It's keeping down the anger issues I have right now."  He smiled.  "Before I work on destroying more people."  She gaped.  He stared.  "I felt you pinpoint me three times," he said dryly.

"You were working!  I thought you had tripped or something!"

He stared at her then pointed at the tiny tattoo every single member of the Council wore.  "Really?"  She blanched.  "Are you working with them, Willow?"  She glared.  He stared back.  "I'm really not in a good mood," he said calmly.  "And you're being a grumpy bitch because I handled something that you didn't want to.  Again.  The same as I did in Vladina's house."  He stared at her until she huffed.  "Now, since nothing can be *done* about this, or else all the slayers die, I have to accept this and so do all of you."

"You didn't have to," she sneered.

"You're right, let me grab a knife," he said, getting one off Roque.  He looked at his stomach, pressing the tip into the flesh.  "I can stop all the morning sickness really quickly.  And then no more stress in my life."

"You'll kill Buffy!" she shouted.

"Make up your damn mind, woman, you can't have it both ways," Roque said, taking the knife back.  "Kid, go play in the water."

"I'm not happy anymore."

Jensen walked up and walked Xander back down there.  "C'mon, we'll do some swimming.  Jess spent half the last two months in a pool."  He glared at Rosenburg.  "Unlike him, I'll torture your ass until you beg Janus for mercy," he vowed.  "Leave my brother alone."

"Jensen," she said, staring in awe.  "He did find you?"

"Yeah, my commando team got assigned to protect him."  He smirked, still staring her down.  She shrank back.  "Just because our father told us he was dead doesn't mean he's not still my twin."  She squeaked.  "Now, anything else?  You're upsetting him and that's not good for him."

Dawn appeared with a sigh, blanking Willow's mind out.  She did the memory charm and sent her home.  "Fucking bitch sometimes," she said dryly.

"Dawn, I reanchored that spell," Xander called.

"I felt; sorry, Xander.  I'll anchor it permanently later."  She smiled at Clay.  "Giles just found out.  I think this is his bitchy mood.  Fez, Xander?"

"Yeah.  And Chicago.  Plus the bags in the safe houses if you could have them shipped."

"I can do that.  That's not that hard.  UPS is good."  She looked at Clay again.  "He's in pain," she said bluntly.  "He'll never tell you.  I've seen him in that same mood because of broken ribs, when his pelvic bone broke, and on and on.  So yeah, he's bitchy and in pain."  She disappeared, going to chew Giles a new one.  He found Buffy shouting about 'how it figured'.

"Oh, yeah, because his father left him in Sunnydale to fucking die," she shouted over her sister, making her flinch.  "His twin brother said that their father told him Xander was dead."  She stared at her sister.  "It's not like it mattered before.  His father plagued him before and did this time by changing the damn baby to be the end of the slayer line.  He.  Does.  Not.  Need.  This!" she shouted.  She glared at all three of them.  "Fuck yourselves if you think he *wants* this.  He nearly stabbed himself in the stomach."

"How could he do that to us!" Buffy shouted.

"Because all his friends are bitches," Dawn said bluntly.  "As you proved yet again, sister dear.  Are you going for wicked stepmother?  Maybe feeling some lusties for him because you're going slightly evil?"  Faith cackled at that.  "You wanted him gone and now that you got it, you're hating it.  Deal with it.  It's your damn choice."

"It's not safe," Giles said quietly.

Dawn stared at him.  "Oh and you're *so* much better because of his father?"  Giles flinched.  "Grow the hell up.  I'm younger than all of you and more mature."  Faith nodded.  "I'm going to arrange for all his stuff to get to him so he can sort out anything Council related to send back.  He might need something he had stored to protect himself -and the future slayer he's bearing."  She stared around the group.  "It sucks when I'm the adult here."  She walked off to start that calling circle, getting Spike's help.  "I'm going to college in another country to get away from all of you!" she yelled as she walked.

"Whatever," Buffy sighed.  She looked at Giles.  "It has to...."

"No, his father abandoned him," Willow sighed.  "I forget that I had seen his father before. Maybe it's a memory spell, not totally sure."  She sat down.  "I remember him and Jensen and his little sister, being around for about eight months before he walked off with the other two."  She looked up.  "Ethan never tried anything but his mom remarried his stepfather.  I don't remember him trying anything that I'd think now was mystical."

Giles finished polishing his glasses and put them back on.  "It might not have been noticeable."

"Would that be why Xander attracts such trouble?" Buffy asked.

"No, that's the hellmouth," Willow said dryly.  "Where he sucked up so much more than I did."  She looked at Giles again.  "Are we being bad to him because of that?  He thinks I found him a few times."

"You had," he told her.  "You always said he got hurt helping train."  He stared at her.  She slowly shook her head.  "Yes, you did.  I even watched you do it once.  I don't know why.  We need to figure that out."

"Well, they were high demons," Faith said.  "Or her magic addiction shit is coming back to bite her now."  She looked at them.  "Let's cut him some slack.  If it was one of the girls we'd be 'poor babying' her to death."  Buffy nodded.  They did do that to the girl that got attacked.  "It's not his choice.  Xander was tortured for months before they did that.  It's no wonder he didn't want to talk to you three."  She glared at Giles.  "Quit blocking things."

"I'm not... oh.  Well perhaps I am."

Dawn walked back in, dropping a bag.  She lit a candle and undid all the magic in the house.  Willow shrieked and went limp.  Giles passed out.  Buffy flinched.  Dawn smiled at Faith.  "I think we found the problem."  She walked around to repeat the spell.  Someone knocked on the door while she was doing it.  She opened it then slammed it in his face.  "You're not going to cause your happies here today."  She walked off to finish her task.

Outside Ethan sighed, walking off.  He'd try to talk to Ripper later about how his son was doing.  He felt what the little bit was doing and finished unraveling everything for her.  She clearly needed some chocolate and a nap.

***

Xander looked out from his staring at the ceiling, feeling the magic going off.  He went to check the garage.  Everything was there.  He stared at the blond vampire.  "Got fed up?" he asked quietly.

"Definitely.  Red managed to magic everyone without realizing it."

Xander pointed.  "Devon's that way," he said dryly.

"She's already there."  He walked closer, sniffing him.  "You even smell up the duff," he taunted.

Xander nodded.  "I should.  Can you tell if it's a girl?"

"She'll be a slayer," he said dryly.

"Ethan fixed it."

"Point," he admitted.  Ethan did sow chaos.  He shrugged.  "Ask me in a few months.  Too  early for it to choose."

"I know.  This is seriously going to suck ass."

"Could do that instead," Spike said with a smirk.  "Heard there's a time when it's like being a succuba."

"Yay," Xander said sarcastically, cracking Spike up.  "Anyway...."

"All the safehouse stuff, all the stuff from both warehouses and that one in LA no one ever talked about."  He smirked.  "Gonna stay retired?"

"I'm not sure I want my future hellspawn to know some of them."

"I get that.  Some drive me battier than Dru."  He lit up.  "Beyond that, you good?"

"Mostly?"  He shrugged, shifting some.  "I'm told I'll survive."

"You hope," Spike countered with an evil smirk.  "Could turn you."

"Yeah, you could but my brother might stake you.  He's a bit possessive right now."  He pointed over his shoulder.

Spike looked.  "He looks more like your mum."

"We're fraternal twins.  Any other notes I need to hear?"

"Not yet.  Oh, yeah.  Saw your sperm donor in Cleveland."

"Yay.  Let him and Giles thump each other.  If I see Dad I'm going to kill his ass for doing this to me.  They were going to kill me until Dad knocked me up.  Then changed it.  I think being a blood sacrifice might be easier."

"Probably.  Over sooner.  No eighteen years of whining," Spike said.  "If you really wanna...."  He went to game face.

Jensen growled and pulled up a knife.

"Jensen," Xander sighed.  "He's the guy who killed the asshole who got my eye.  We worked together for years.  Even if he'd love to torture me."

"Hey, no more slayers are good for the community."  Spike smirked, licking his lips.  "You're a bit nummy too.  I could have two new fun toys."  Jensen moved closer to his twin.

Xander swatted him on the head.  "Even if you turned me, Spike, I'm not going to bottom for you.  Your demon's demented from taking care of Dru."  Spike laughed, going back to human face with a grin.  "Your demon's defective."

"Probably, yeah.  Between Angelus and Dru...."

"Yeah, they'd drive me nuts too.  Anyway...  You sure it's all of it?"  Spike nodded, rolling his eyes.   "My stuff from Kazakhstan?"

"There," he said with a point.  "Including your computer.  Giles wanted any reports you haven't filed.  He said to shred anything Council related or dangerous."  Xander nodded.  "Should take you a month or something."

"Probably, yeah.  At least to sort out the weapons."  He grinned.  "Let me know if they need some."

"I will.  Nibblet's going to school in Brazil."

"Good!  I hope she'll be safe.  Or else I'll go destroy some gangs, but good!"

Spike snickered.  "She said the same thing.  Took Faith with her for some bikini time."  He sniffed him again, taking big, deep sniffs this time.  "You smell even more nummy."

"I only get better with age," Xander quipped smugly.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  Let me disappear before someone tracks me."  He walked off smoking and happy.

Jensen turned Xander around, checking him over.  "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine.  I roomed with Spike for a while, Jensen.  We have an understanding."

Jensen stared at him.  "You're insane."

"Yeah, the girls did it to me."

"Clearly."  He locked the garage and took Xander back to his room, crawling in the bed with him.  He put him on his back and an arm over his brother's chest.  He snuggled in.  "He's not going to hurt you."

"He hasn't hurt me.  He nagged me, he taunted me, he tried to rip my self esteem further, but he never hurt me."

"Shh."  He nuzzled him on the shoulder.  "I'm going to protect you."

"He won't hurt me."

Jensen stared at him.  "So?  It's making me feel better."

"Fine."  He let Jensen 'protect him' all he wanted.

"What's in pain?" Jensen asked quietly.

"It's the stomach stretching stuff.  I'm guessing it's normal."

"Probably.  We can make sure.  I'll make sure Clay makes an appointment."  He nuzzled him again.  "Sleep, Xander.  You need to sleep."

"I..."

"I know.  Try anyway?  Please?"

"Fine."  He shifted onto his side facing away from his brother.  Jensen curled up against his back, one arm over his side.  Xander moved it.  "Not there."

"Sure."  He snuggled up better to hold him however he wanted.  He stayed still, making himself relax and rest, but not fall asleep.  He saw Roque peek in and shook his head slightly, letting him go on his rounds.

Roque went to Clay's room, which woke him up.  "The rest of his stuff is here.  He's in some funky stomach pain but he thinks he's probably being normal.  The blond guy with the strange face left up the road toward town."

Clay blinked.  "We'll call our chosen doc in the morning.  We can sort stuff tomorrow.  Blond guy?"

"The kid called him Spike."

"He's Council."  Roque shuddered.  "Bad?"

"I don't think he's normal."

"No, he's not."

"He's a bit ...evil sounding."

"We'll talk to him tomorrow."  Roque nodded and left him to go back to sleep.  Cougar switched with him at two, letting Roque go to bed and hope he never ran into something like Spike again.

Cougar glanced in the overcrowded garage, grimacing.  The boy had too much stuff.  He knew whole, extended families that didn't have that much stuff.  He checked the rest of the grounds and it was quiet.  Peaceful.  It gave him time to think about that boy.  He seemed a bit...spoiled.  He'd have to talk to Jensen in the morning about him.  Something wasn't right beyond what was done to him.

***

Jensen watched Xander run to puke and looked at Cougar, who was silent.  "What?"

"All this is his?"

"A lot of it was stuff that he had to file or hold for the Council.  That's where the books came from."  He pointed.  "He also holds their backup armory.  Plus it appears my brother has a comic collection."  He smiled.

Xander came out with a glass of ice water.  "I also have some of Anya's stuff.  A quarter of this isn't mine; it's Anya's former stuff.  Which is mostly sex toys probably.  Or stuff from her millennia of life."  Cougar gaped.  "She was a former vengeance demon.  She put her stuff in my storage area before Sunnydale fell in and she died.  Other things are souvenirs of my travels that I meant to hand over and didn't get around to or things I wanted to remember them by.  There's also a few pictures of the girls I've trained and a few other things I'd hate to lose."

"I understand," Cougar said.  So maybe he wasn't such a magpie about collecting.  "The rest?"

"We're going to weed down the reports and things," Xander said.  "The books I might keep packed for now.  The comics need to go to a better storage area that won't have humidity."

"I know a few of those," Jensen said.  "How many do you have?"

"They're not all pristine but a few are.  I have about a thousand I think."

"That's cool."  Jensen smiled.  Xander grinned but sipped his water.  "Your stomach is really upset?"

"Morning sickness happens.  I need a t-shirt with that saying."

"We can see if we can find one."  They got back to the weapons boxes.  He opened a trunk and whistled.  "Cougar, can you take this to Clay?"  Cougar looked and blinked then went to get Clay.  He wasn't going to be able to lift that.

Clay came out, handing the boy some buttered toast.  He nearly dropped it on his head when he saw the contents of the trunk.  "Jesus," he said in awe.  He sat down to go through the guns, checking each one.  Each one was in a slim plastic case that kept the dirt and dust out of it.  Underneath the pile of guns was more guns.  And a few take-apart rifles.  Cougar got those to look over.

Xander grinned at his twin.  "I love weapons."

"I can tell."  He grinned back.  "Nibble."  Xander nodded, trying to soothe his savage stomach monster.  He was hating this sickness stuff.  Jensen looked back then at him.  "Bullets?"  Xander looked then pointed.  Jensen nudged Clay, pointing.  "Bullets?"

Cougar got into that one to check them over.  "Small company made."  The boy had decent taste.  Most of them were good bullets.   They found the rest of the higher weapons so he looked them over with Roque's help when he finally got up.  Pooch was napping right now.  Jensen started to moan when they ran into Anya's stuff.  Cougar looked then shook his head.  That was just insane.

Roque looked over at one loud moan, blinking a few times.  "Kid?"

"Anya.  My former fiancee."

"She didn't want them back?" Clay asked.

"She died in the battle that took Sunnydale," Xander said quietly.  Jensen smiled at him.   "It's been years, I'm okay."  He looked.  "That was some of her favorite things.  She put some clothes in another one I'm sure."

"Can we donate most of that to a thrift store?" Clay asked.

"I was going to but I never got around to it.  The last time I planned on sitting down to do that, I ended up in China."

"We have time now," Clay told him.  "At least until ten, then the doc gets here."  He stared at him.  "We need to know about problems."

"I'd expect a lot of adjustment pains.  It's not like my body's used to being pregnant or having a uterus.  There's going to be some pain.  Even women get pain."

"We need to make sure it's that and not something wrong," Clay told him.  "He's only going to check the normal things.  He's not going to take blood beyond that."

"I guess that's fine.  He won't tell anyone?"

"No.  He heard through the underground.  He called me."  Xander gave him a funny look.  "We trust the guy with everything, kid."

"He's the only person I like around me when I'm unconscious," Roque said.

Xander nodded.  "Fine."

"Thank you," Jensen said.  "I like him.  He gives me lollipops."  Xander grinned at that.  They got back to work in the small area they were sitting in.  "Xander, did you want to keep anything of hers?"  Xander looked and nodded.  He found a few favorite things and put them aside.  "Okay.  Jewelry too?"  Xander nodded.  Jensen found the ring and stared, looking at it.  "You have really pretty taste," he said quietly, holding it out.  Cougar looked at him, gasping at that.  Xander took it with a sad smile, staring at it before it went into his pocket.  "Were you two happy?"

"Mostly.  But we would've been miserable so I walked."  He looked at his brother.  "Her friends showed me how miserable she'd be.  So it let her get her job back until her conscience got the better of her."

"What was her job?" Cougar asked quietly.

"She was Vengeance over Women Scorned."  Cougar gaped.  Xander nodded with a grin.  "We broke her power center so she kinda decided we had to help her.  I took her to the prom but she left for graduation.  Then she came back after my road trip.  It was nice, she didn't try to kill me.  It was a turning point for me.  After that most of my girlfriends or easy times didn't.  Before then it was almost all of them."

"Are you sure you're not related to Clay?" Roque joked.

Xander shrugged, looking at Clay.  "Not as far as I know.  It's the mark of a special man."  He smirked.   Xander laughed then hopped up and went to puke again.  He tipped over his water but Jensen got it cleaned up with his own t-shirt.  Xander trudged back out, flopping down again.  Clay smiled.  "It'll go away."

"You hope.  If not, with a good hospital she or he will be viable at 26 or 30 weeks."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He heard the honk and got up to check.  "Doc's here."  He hauled the boy up and out there.  "Doctor Witherspoon, Xander Harris."

"Hey, Doc Neil."

"Xander."  He hugged him.  "I saw him when he had malaria."  He smiled at Clay.  "I love this boy.  He made Gretchen laugh just like Jensen does.  I should've known."  He pushed him back to look at him.  "Pregnant?"

"Yeah, between Wolfram and Hart and Ethan Fucking Rayne."

"He's having some pains," Clay said.  "He's been puking all morning.  I saw him do it yesterday."

"That's about normal."  He walked him into his bedroom to look him over, including checking for an opening.  He came out an hour later making notes.  "All right, three issues.  Clay, he needs vitamins and to try to eat.  If he eats a little bit now and then it'll be easier."

"Like Joyce when she had chemo?" Xander asked, joining them and flopping down.

"That's a good idea.  Calcium and iron over everything else."  Xander sighed but nodded.  "Second, sleep, Xander."

"I'm trying."

"I know.  Who did the treatment on the wounds?"

"Bethesda."

"Fucking idiots," he muttered.  "They should've stitched them shut."

"It was too old," Xander said.

The doctor grimaced.  "I can understand that but it'll scar a whole lot."  Xander shrugged.  "And on the topic of your scars, get all the little things we found by accident out of them.  And any other things on you that are magic.  There's no telling what it might do to you or them."

"Them?  A litter?" Jensen asked as he joined them.

"The baby's too young to be either yet," the doctor said patiently.  "Third, Xander," he sighed.  "We have no idea how it's getting out."

"No one was sure if I'd adapt."

"We'll keep in touch with that.  I'm actually over here doing some foreign treatment for the next eight months."  He smirked.  "So I'll be doing your prenatal."  Xander nodded, relaxing.  "You have a whole list of things you can't take."

"I figured I did."

"Including some herbal stuff."  He smiled.  "I've got a list in the car."  He went to get it and came back.  "All right, here's your list of stuff you may not take.  If you do start to grow...an adaptation, no swimming in the ocean.  We'll talk about baths if you do."  Xander grimaced again but nodded.  "Try some flexibility work.  No jogging, no lifting a lot of weight.  I know you're very strong but it's pressure on your back."  Xander nodded.

"And watch for swelling or any other odd symptoms.  At which time I want to hear immediately.  With the way the baby's laying, it might rest on his kidneys or bladder more than usual, meaning he can't pee.  It might crimp his colon or press too much on his lungs.  Watch his blood sugar but don't be paranoid.  I know Xander lives on sugar sometimes.  No more than four cups of coffee a day right now and at the seventh month it's two or less."  Xander whimpered.

"Sorry.  Unless you're breastfeeding you can go back once she's born."  He smiled.  "On the topic of breasts, no idea."  Xander curled up around his stomach.  "Lastly, I want you to *rest*.  No hunting, no fighting, nothing.  I'm going to make that clear to Mr. Giles as well."

"I got forcefully retired."

"Even better.  You're going to be too fragile to risk in a few months.  She'll still have that big ball of water protecting her but you don't want to rely on that.  No poisons, no fighting, nothing like it.  You let them take all the challenges and all the bullshit that comes into your life.  If and when you get that neediness, they can pick you up someone or something.  Use Anya's stuff since you babbled about her when you had the fever."  He smiled.  "If you do, be careful not to get rips.  Just take it easy for the next six months."

"He's three months along?" Clay asked.  "Did they torture him after knocking him up?"

"Only for two weeks and it wasn't the bad part," Xander admitted.  "Then it got changed right before I got rescued."

"I don't think he'll make it to nine months," Doctor Witherspoon said, running a hand through his dark hair with a few gray strands sprinkled through it.  "I'm anticipating about the middle of his eighth month.  I also heard that he was in Bethesda for almost a month."  Xander nodded.

"He still has some scabbed over wounds," Jensen said.  Xander nodded. "Damn it!"

"Calm down," Xander told him.  "I'm going to destroy them even if I have to turn evil."  He looked at the doctor.

"As long as you can do it from the couch," the doctor said with a smile.  "Understand?"  Xander sighed but nodded.  "Thank you.  Daily multivitamin and however extra calcium and iron, Clay.  A sensible diet is fine.  He can do mild exercise but nothing jarring.  Very low impact.  If an ...adaptation should grow no ocean."

"Are we going to call it that?"

"Well, I hope it goes away again," the doctor said dryly.  "Or else we might have to close it for him."  He smirked at the boy, who shuddered.  "And if he does grow one and wants to try it out, he'd better be gentle.  Sex can set off contractions.  If he starts some of them, call me immediately.  Get him laying down and get a tape on lamaze."

"I can meditate away the pain," Xander assured him.

"That's good.  You still might want to learn that and yoga.  It'll help your temper and patience.  Plus make you more limber for the delivery."  Xander shuddered.  "Boys, bone up on a c-section and delivery just in case I'm too far away."  Clay nodded.  "Whichever is best and a backup.  Just in case."  Jensen nodded.  "Good.  Do whatever you have to do to keep him calm and resting.  No pinching clothing, though I'd doubt I'd have that problem with you."

"Sarongs," Xander said dryly.  "And if I suddenly grow breasts I'm going to go with saris."

The doctor grinned.  "That'd be cute."  He leaned over to hug him.  "Don't worry about things like money or anything else."  He stared at him.  "Got it?"  Xander nodded.  "Good."  He kissed him on the head.  "Be a good boy and I'll see you in a month."  He left, going back to his current post.

Xander shrugged at their stares.  "No one's sure if I'll suddenly grow one of those."

"If you do, we'll find you someone decent to date," Clay offered.  Xander grinned at him for that.  "For now, go back to sorting out stuff we can send to a thrift store in the US."  Xander and Jensen went back to it.

***

Clay came out with dinner.  The boys hadn't reappeared.  He had heard Xander vomiting in the bushes once but he hadn't come in.  He took Jensen's watch to set the alarm on it.  "When this goes off, you eat with him," he ordered.  He handed it back, getting a sheepish look.  "Did we find new things?"

"A lot of new things and we've been talking about some of the places we've been."  He looked at Xander, who was actually napping on top of an artillery case.  He took the plates.  "Thanks, Clay."

"Welcome."  He went back inside.  Pooch was talking to his wife online.  Roque was sharpening a knife he had found in the stored stuff.  It was a large, scary looking knife.  It was also very sharp now.  "The kid's napping."

"So does Jolene," Pooch said, looking up.  "I haven't told her."

"That's fine.  Is she coming over?"

"She said we might have a problem with citizenship," Pooch sighed.

"Not with two legal parents," Jensen said as he walked out.  "Xander turned green so I'm getting ice water."  He got some for both of them and went back out there.  "Oh, my god, is that a dragon skeleton?" he yelled a few minutes later.  Xander's cackle got heard and they all grinned at that happy sound.  "You do insane shit, bro."

"Yup."

They went to check.  It looked like a small dragon's skeleton, including horns.   So Xander was the more insane member of that family.

***

Roque looked at the kid the next morning when he was trying to meditate and failing.  "Which one is the real last name?"

"I have no idea where Jensen came from.  We were both born Raynes.  The my stepfather took custody of me."  He opened his eyes.   "You'll have to ask Jake where Jensen came from."

Jensen stumbled out rubbing his eyes.  "He changed our names when we left so they couldn't get us too supposedly," he mumbled, heading for the coffee pot.

"So you're keeping your present last names?" Roque asked.  Xander shrugged.  "Jensen?"

"It's been mine so long you guys would get confused and so would I," he muttered.

"Besides, that would mean we'd have to acknowledge the shithead donor," Xander quipped.  "I think I'm ready to give him the sharp and pointy treatment and in a few months I'll be more than ready to torture him.  And hey, if I do grow an adaptment, then I'm definitely finding him and torturing the hell out of him until he begs everyone for mercy and Janus tells me I have to stop."  He went back to meditating, liking that thought.  It was a good thought.

Jensen snorted.  "I'll supply the ropes and car battery."  He sipped his coffee.  Xander sniffed and moaned.  "He said four cups," Jensen reminded him.

"That's why I'm complaining.  Beyond that it's turning my stomach and giving me heartburn."

Jensen grinned and finished his first cup, drinking a second one to drain the pot so Xander wasn't tempted.   He went to shower and put on clothes then came out to look at the food situation.  "Xander, food?"  Xander gagged and ran to get sick once Roque helped him up off the floor.  "Want some eggs?" he called after him.

"Hell no!"

Pooch came out of his room, grimacing.  "I'm glad we were out of the country for Jolene doing that."  He started breakfast.  "Slightly salty stuff and easy to digest stuff that'll melt in his stomach quickly."

Jensen nodded, making some scrambled eggs and toast, plus some bacon.  He found something in the cabinet and added it to Xander's single egg, two pieces of toast, and piece of bacon.  He carried it in there.  "I found orange marmalade in a cabinet."

Xander blinked at him.  "Who found that?"

"I guess Pooch did since he shops.  It tasted good."  He waved the plate.  "Rinse and spit."  Xander got up with a groan, doing that once the toilet was flushed.  Xander brought his plate out to eat.  Jensen grinned at Pooch, slugging him on the arm.  "Are we going to do more sorting later, Xander?"

"Sure."  He ate the bacon and toast, staring at the eggs.  He tried a bite and gagged, drinking Clay's juice to keep it down.  Clay took his eggs for him and let him keep the juice.  "Thanks, Jensen."

"Welcome."  He grinned at him.  "We'll do that and let Roque and Pooch do the food run later."

"We can pull out some of the emergency cash," Xander offered.  "All of the emergency bags should have some unless the girls stole it."

"We can check," Clay said.  "You had other money stashes too."  Xander nodded and finished the juice.  He got more and went out to the garage area.  Where he yelled.  "What happened?" he called.

"The moving elves came back."  He came in to get his phone and walked off calling someone.  "Put.  It.  Back," he ordered.  "Sure, I can miscarry too, Buffy.  Put it back now!" he shouted.  The things suddenly reappeared.  "All of it.  That's what I'm doing, dear.  That's supposedly keeping me calm.  Because I'm under orders not to stress myself out by showing up to shoot your ass."  He hung up on her complaining.

He looked up and called someone else.  "Please go steal all my things from the wenches.  Yes, I'm calling in that damn favor.  Because right now, I have those three curses and I'm about to use them.  Well, I'm not supposed to be stressed," he said dryly.  "Yet I am.  And I'm going to throw really big fits.  Then I'm going to sell all my artillery and guns to renegade demon clans."  He grinned at the doorway.  "Yeah, exactly.  Well, there is the Ba'dan clan...."  Suddenly everything that was ever his reappeared.

"Thank you, dear.  Yeah, the doc said I'm mostly healthy but I need to avoid stress.  You know what?  Maybe someone should tell Buffy about Africa or even Bangladesh."  He cackled.  "That would be very cool.  Thank you!  And for getting my stuff back for me, dear."  He blew a kiss.  "My twin brother said thank you too.  It's keeping me happy telling him about Anya and things."  He hung up and went to put his phone back on the charger cord.  "Everything's back."

"Bangladesh?" Jensen asked.  "Seriously?  That won't make you look good."

"Yup."  He walked off happier.

Jensen found that file and sent it to Willow's email address.  When Xander's phone rang, he stared at it.  "Xander, it's them."

"I'm puking on them."

Jensen answered it.  "Xander's phone."  He smirked.  "No, he's presently vomiting up breakfast, Buffy.  He can't come to the phone.  Because pregnant people do that."  He hung up and sent another file that made Xander look very heroic.  He even labeled it 'what Xander was doing while you guys had a battle'.  He got back a shriek and a babble.  "Aww, Willow didn't like that."  He shut down her email account a few minutes later on her and then went to help his brother.

"Do we think Xander or Jensen is more vindictive?" Pooch asked.

"I think it might depend on why," Clay said, looking amused.  "Right now they're being evil together."

"It's bonding," Roque agreed with a smirk of his own.

"Eww, Xander, that's buffalo!"

"If he can eat it and it's not spoiled, let him," Pooch called.

"Thank you," Xander called.

Jensen came out to get himself something to soothe his stomach.  "It's goat and water buffalo teriyaki jerky."  He walked back out there.  "Let me find the other food stuffs so we can inventory it."

"Please, something smells bad."

"Yup."  He got into those boxes, sending what was still good to the kitchen.  It'd be less things they'd have to buy.  Halfway through the last box of food he ran into a stash of Thai money.  He stared and then at his brother.  "Thai money stash?"

"Huh?"  He got up with a groan, looking in the box.  "I don't take money for others.  I haven't been in Thailand for eight months either."  He considered his only two trips there.  "I have no idea."  He went to get his laptop and do a search for it.  "No, I have no idea."

"Found a card," Jensen called.  "It's from Ba'ta?  For thinking about his clan and for a happy and healthy baby present for her future dowry."

"Awww."  He grinned.  "That's really nice of her."  Jensen grinned, going to hand it to Roque.  They came out to go through more boxes.  There was a lot of stuff that was scary out here.

"Um..." Roque said, staring in a box.  "I don't know how to disarm that."

Xander looked over and flipped it off.  "I thought I disarmed that.  Must've turned itself back on during the moving."  He went back to searching.

"Let's focus on the weapons so we can make sure of what we have," Clay said.  Before they found something else that was running.

"I disconnected that," Xander said.

"Yes but we still need to know what we have and what we need to get bullets for, Xander."

"I guess.  But I get cleaning time later on."

"Fine."  They got into the weapons section, finding a lot of things that they didn't expect.  Including actual *swords*.

"Wicked," Jensen said, taking one to look over.  "Is that rust?"

Xander looked.  "No, it's ink."  He wiped it off.  "The wrapping around it must've gotten damp."  He checked in there, making sure nothing else was in bad condition.   Then the box underneath it and one other that had water stains.  He checked.  "Jensen, check that one," he said with a point.  "It's got water stains too."  Jensen got into it.  "Pictures?"

"No.  Tapes but old ones."  Xander pouted.  "It might be okay.  We can check and maybe find them on DVD now."

"Maybe but I had some obscure stuff."

"Half of that you can find on youtube."  He carried them inside to look over them.   The others were busy playing and fondling the weapons.

"Where did the water damaged stuff come from?" Clay asked.

"The one that had my comic collection but I had that up off the floor.  I thought I had them all off the floor."  He looked at those boxes, none showed any water stains.  They probably thought he had his priorities out of whack but he knew what was important and he had other weapons around him.

Clay coughed.  "Those...hidden things on you?"

Xander paused, staring at him.  "What about them?"

"The doctor wanted them off you?"

Xander sighed.  "I have no idea where they all are."

"Can a scanner detect them?" Roque asked casually.

Xander went to dig into another box.  "We need some batteries."  Pooch took it to look at and put them on his list for shopping.  They finished with the smaller weapons and let Cougar handle the larger things, they'd need more going over and he could do it outside in the shade if he wanted since he was still avoiding getting too near Xander.  Xander had noticed and went outside, helping him carry something.  "You know, it's not contagious."

"I'm still wrapping my mind around it," Cougar said in Spanish.

Xander stared at him.  "I have no idea why Jensen is getting my morning sickness since we're not that sort of twins."  He walked off.

Cougar went inside to tell that to Clay.  Pooch got that added to his list too.  He went to the store immediately.  He could go back for other things later.  They had to know if Jensen was going to need medical attention.  Pooch got back with those two items and handed one to Jensen.

"Why do I need a pee stick?" he asked.

"Because Xander thinks you're mimicking his morning sickness."

"I did with Jess," Jensen admitted dryly.

"There's no telling what he was thinking," Xander called.  "Or if he was considering that it might hit you too."

Jensen went to take it.  Then they called the doctor to show up and check him over.  The doctor got there and came out twenty minutes later with a smile.  "His is a fictitious pregnancy.  It is mirroring Xander's but there's no baby.  So basically he's like a mirror image of what he's going through."

"So that's why I've had heartburn and gas pains," Jensen muttered.  "Will this happen during labor?"

"Yes, probably."  He left, going back to work much happier.

Jensen looked at his team.  "Does anyone mind if I play with the patricide idea?" he asked dryly.  "Just for a few weeks?"

"Only if I get to stab him too," Xander said from where he was looking at a comic.

"Sure, you can stab him a few times, Xander.  And then I'll rip him to fucking pieces for doing this to his own family."  He walked off, going to his laptop to see if he could find the asshole sperm donor.  He *really* wanted to talk to him now.

Xander looked over and shrugged.  "I'm not having mood swings yet," he said proudly.

"Jensen has plenty of his own," Clay promised.  "We'll deal with it."  So maybe Xander was the scary one after all.

***

Roque woke up to the sound of Xander running halfway across the house and outside then puking.  He got up to check on him.  "Kid?"  Xander waved a hand.  "Need help?"  He nodded, still throwing up.

Jensen came jogging out with a needle.  "We had a poisonous spider," he said in a sing-song manner.  He got Xander with the general antidote.  Xander calmed down, slowly, but did eventually quit puking.  "You biting it was probably worse for you than you being bitten by it."  He walked him back inside and put him in a shower.

"He *bit* a poisonous spider?" Cougar demanded.

"As long as he spit the poison it wouldn't infect him," Jensen said.  "Him being bitten would send him to the ER.  I gave him the general antidote just in case.  They're safe for pregnant women as far as I know."  He went to help his brother.  Xander was probably at the weakest point any of his friends had ever seen him hit.  He had to take care of his brother.  They were twins and even if Xander fussed he had to take care of him.  He told him stories about how amazing their niece was to keep him calm and make sure nothing too bad happened.

Clay walked in, staring at them.  "The doctor said it was stupid to bite it but better than being bitten, yes the anti-venom is safe.  He knows what Xander carries when I read off the name.  You did a good job, you can calm down.  It won't hurt the baby at all, Xander."  Xander nodded, rinsing and spitting again.  "When you're ready to get out, we'll get you something to settle your stomach, he said to give you some pepto."  He went to pour a small cup out for him.  That would definitely take the taste out of his mouth.

Jensen got Xander out and handed him the pepto, smiling at his grossed out face.  He helped Xander dry off, staring at his stomach.  "You're starting to show," he said, sounding awed.  "I wasn't with Jess when she was this far along."  He put a hand over it and grinned at his brother.  "I am a spectacular uncle."

"I'm going to be the world's worst parent," Xander sighed.

Jensen kissed him.  "No you won't.  I'll help.  Jess will help if you decide to talk to her again."

"She'd never let the baby see me like this."

"I doubt we'll tell her."  He gave him a hug.  "You're my brother."

"I am."  He hugged him back.  "Even if you are still bossy."

"Of course I am.  And don't forget handsome, really smart, and highly overprotective."

"I wondered where my half of those traits went," Xander joked weakly.

Jensen pinched him.  "You're very handsome.  You're fairly smart.  I mean I'm a genius and we can't all be but you're still very smart, especially in your areas.  You were reading *Sanskrit* earlier!  That takes a whole lot more brains than hacking does."  Xander slowly shook his head.  "Yeah, it does."  He kissed him on the forehead.  "You got more than your fair share but you never got the option of polishing those skills.  We can do that now."  He tucked him into his bed and sat beside him with his laptop.  "I'm going to e-call Jess if you want to stay awake."

"I..."  He flipped over to face the other way.

"Okay."  He called. "Hi, Jess.  Hi, beany baby!"

"Hi, Uncle Jensen.  Where are you?" his niece asked, bouncing some.  "Mommy said you had great big news for us."

Jensen tipped the computer to look at Xander then grinned at her when he put it back in his lap.  "That is your uncle Xander.  The one I told you about?  It turns out your grandfather is a moron who needs to be paddled and put in time out somewhere with straight jackets."

"OOOH!" she said, starting to bounce up and down faster.  "He's alive?  Can you wake him up?  Please?"

"He's a bit sick right now so let him rest.  I'll try to get him home when I come home next time."

"For my birthday?"

He considered it.  Xander quickly shook his head.  "I don't think he'll be able to travel then but by next summer I can bring him home."

"Is he under arrest?" she demanded.  "Because Uncle Cougar could probably break him out of jail.  I heard him say that he did that for you."

"No, but he's working on an important project and when I do bring him home, we'll have a cousin for you."  She let out an awesome squeal that probably woke the neighborhood.  It woke Cougar, he leaned in.  "Cougar's here."

"Hi, Uncle Cougar!" she called, getting closer to the camera.  He walked around and waved with a grin for her.  "Did you know I have another uncle?  It's *so* cool!"

"It's very cool," Jensen agreed with a smile.

"It is," Cougar agreed.  He watched the girl bounce and cheer.  Cougar went to make coffee, bringing Jensen back some.  He pulled over a chair to talk to her as well.  He noticed how Xander was laying stiffly not facing the computer and wondered.

Finally, the niece had to go to school so they were left with Jess.  "I'm not sure this is such a good idea, Jake.  What happens if he gets sick with all this?"

Xander looked at her.  "Why would it matter to you now?"  He flipped back over.  Cougar stared, mouth slightly open.

"She knew.  She never said anything but she's known since Sunnydale fell in."  He looked at his sister again.  "There's nothing that's going to happen to Xander, Jess.   He's faced down multiple demon attacks and won.  He blew one up the other day."

"I don't want her to know about that."

Jensen stared at her.  "She's already seen it on tv probably."  She slumped.  "It's not like he's some raging psycho.  He's not going to teach her how to hunt, even if he does have to teach his own child."

"It could still get her hurt by association."

"So could knowing me," Jensen said bluntly.  His sister blanched, shaking her head.  "Yeah, it's not often we leave an enemy alive but now and then one does pop up.  Beyond that, more demons respect and fear him than not, Jess.  He's handled a lot of things since he was sixteen."  She shuddered.  "Including invasions and all sorts of attempts.  He's so well respected for protecting them and us, some of them are sending baby presents."

"Oh," she said weakly.  "Xander, I'm sorry," she said.  "I'm a worried mother."

Jensen looked then grinned.  "He's finally asleep," he said more quietly.  "Earlier he bit the poisonous spider that nearly got him."

"Poor guy.  Shots?"

"Just the one and some pepto.  He threw up anything in his mouth."  He sighed.  "We'll work it out.  I'll try to be back for her birthday.  He'll be showing by then, pretty obviously showing by then.  He's due somewhere between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  So by Easter we can be back.  We should get some time off to hang out.  They told us to stay with him until he's able to protect himself again.  Then we might get some time off and then a new assignment.  Not that this isn't so cherry it's like pie."  He grinned.  "We've been going through his stored stuff.  I learned about the woman he nearly married over the last few days."

"He did?" she asked.  Jensen nodded.  "That sucks."

"Yup, it does."

"Did he know?"  Jensen nodded.  "So Dad didn't tell him the pretty lie?"

"No.  Not in the least."

"Damn it."

"So yeah, you hurt him a lot more.  I'll let you guys talk in a few days or so when he starts having mood swings."

"That'll be good.  I want to be here for this.  Even if I don't want to expose my daughter to that very brain warping thought."

"You did get told that Dad had a hand in this?"

"Oh, I heard.  I heard it from Dad actually.  He said he did it to save Xander's life.  Otherwise having the baby would've killed him."

Jensen snorted.  "They might've killed him for having the baby," he countered.  "But otherwise, no."

"Does he need anything?"

"Not right now.  Maybe later on he'll have questions or something."  He reached over to rub the stiff shoulder.  Xander drifted off again.  "I've been stalking him all over the house."

She smiled.  "You did it to me when every time you come home from a bad assignment."  She smiled at Cougar.  "Are you okay with this?"

"It's not my baby."

"True."  She smiled at Jake.  "Hug him for me?"

"Of course."

"Thank you.  I'll expect you both to call in a few days."  He nodded and hung up, putting his laptop aside.  She had a lot to think about.

Jensen looked at Cougar, staring at him.  Cougar shrugged back.  He had taken a bedroom as far away from Xander's as he could on purpose.  This was bothering him quite a lot and he wasn't sure how to deal with things.  Even though it wasn't his choice.  Xander moaned and they both stared at him.  He suddenly sat up panting.  "Shit," Xander muttered, grabbing his phone and calling.

"Meribeth, Xander.  Got a head's up.  You're about to be attacked, sweetheart.  Yeah, like at home or wherever you are.  I saw your boyfriend and you together."  He listened.  "No, that clan we mostly wiped out but they ran?  One of them survived, hired some people.  You've got three Gavros, him, and two of the rhino looking ones.  Maybe a few others stalking them."  He listened.  "Yeah, that'll take them all out.  Remember to use a silencer or warn the locals.  Looked like tonight.  Are you wearing the santa jammies?"  He grinned.

"Are you with the dirtbag?"  He nodded.   "Then it'll be soon.  The clock said two."  She looked and said it was past that but she's tell the local officers in case they panicked at her firing on them.  "All right, you let me know if you need stuff.  I can find stuff to ship to you, dear.  You be safe and be careful.  Remember not to end up like me."  She giggled, the other guys could hear it.  "Be safe."  He hung up and laid back down with a sigh.

"What was that?" Cougar asked.

"Vision," Xander said, looking at him.  "They got activated when my eye got popped."  Jensen shuddered.  "Basically, yeah.  It's like a preview that I can't always change."  He snuggled in again.  "Are we having a party?  I'm not really up to party standards right now.  I feel like crap and I'm not really feeling sexy."

"Nah.  We were just talking to the sprout and Jess," Jensen said with a grin.  "She adores Cougar.  Keeps trying to steal his hat."  Xander grinned.  "Rest.  I'm going to go back to bed."  Xander nodded, covering himself up.  Jensen walked out with Cougar, looking at him once they were back in their room.  "Are you still that freaked out by all this?" he asked quietly.  Cougar nodded.  "You know, I can ask Dad to mimic it so you can know what it feels like."  Cougar glared in that 'I'll kill you' way he usually only gave to drug dealers.  Jensen grinned.  "I know it's not usual.  I know it's not our usual team job, but if it was Jess, wouldn't you do the same?"

"Si," he admitted.

"Then why not for my brother?  Because he's a guy?  That might be partially changing, we're not real sure yet."  Cougar shuddered, going to take a hot shower to wash that thought off his skin.  "Think how he feels."  Jensen got ready for bed and laid down.  Cougar finally came out and laid down, his hat on the lamp beside him.  "You know, I have a hard time thinking about it too," he said quietly.  "But I've seen worse happen."  He looked at his best friend.  "If you can't handle it, maybe Clay can let you help some of the slayers or something."

"Perhaps."

Jensen grinned.  "I wasn't there when she was first born.  I didn't get leave until she was six weeks old.  This time, I'll get to do the first week stuff."

Cougar stared at him.  "It's just as messy and loud."

"Yeah but I missed that.  It's not like I'm going to have any of my own."  He flipped onto his side and let himself go to sleep.

Cougar thought about all that.  Jensen was excited.  Roque was creeped out a bit but he knew the kid was a victim.  Clay too mostly, he was ignoring the pregnancy part whenever he could.  Pooch had just shrugged it off as something only Xander could do.  Apparently he was well known for the strange things to happen.  Cougar considered what he knew of the young man.  He was half-trained at best but apparently as stubborn as his twin.  He was a good fighter when he needed to be even if he was unorthodox.

He had taken all this situation in without screaming at God somehow.  They had never said anything about bad reactions to the news.  Apparently he loved weapons, comics, chocolate, and salty things.  He was goofy and trying to be understanding that others were freaking out.  He had heard Pooch say he had threatened to stab himself in the stomach when his friend had shown up.  Apparently all his friends were bitches and worthless in any supportive measurement.  He wasn't sure what to make of the boy.  Then again, it had taken him nearly a month to get used to Jensen.

"Ow," Xander hissed, limping past his room to the kitchen.

Cougar listened to him get something to drink and go back to bed.  Why did the boy not sleep?  He looked at Jensen, who got up to check on him.  Perhaps the boy was deeper than they all thought.  Clay thought he was goofy and nice.  Roque wasn't seeing anything darker in the boy.  But earlier, after that vision, there had been those same shadows that lived in all their eyes.  The boy had seen combat.  Apparently a lot of combat from what they knew about him.

Jensen came back and went back to sleep.  Cougar heard Xander get up again an hour later and followed him outside. The kid had disappeared into the trees but he could follow him easily enough.  He didn't leave much of a trail but some.  He found him staring down at the ocean from the little four-foot drop off they had next to the beach.  He watched him from the trees, leaning on one.  The boy was seeming to breathe and think.  He knew the boy sensed him somehow.  He had no idea how but he knew he did.  He was very much a predator in disguise right now.  Cougar was seeing hints of death in his body.  "Did you rant at people when you found out?" he asked quietly.

"They told me when I was trying to escape Wolfram and Hart," he said dryly.  "And yeah, I killed seven people in about ten minutes.  They had to tranq dart me."  He looked back at him.  "Two with my teeth."  Cougar gave him an odd look.  "My hands were bound, dude."  He went back to looking at the ocean.  "I nearly activated the bomb in my earring.   I came within two minutes of letting it out and setting it off.  I was perfectly ready to.

"Then I heard them saying that they were going to try to pick up Dawn as leverage so I'd cooperate.  So instead I opened a scar with a thumbnail and dug out the little box in it.  Then I used it to destroy three levels of the building I was standing in."  Cougar shuddered, he could hear him moving.  "They decided that was a very bad idea.  They knocked me out again.  That next time I woke up in Bethesda just out of surgery and I snuck off.  One of the people trying to corral me told me I was pregnant and I bitterly replied I knew that fact.  That's why I had killed some of them.  They congratulated me."

He looked at him again.  "I may appear to be calm but I'm not.  Things like this only happen to me.  Not to Jess, not to Jake, me.  I have never known why.  And then to have my own goddamn father help the issue?  That just sealed it.  I very nearly used one of the three curses someone owes me so that *everyone* had the same problem suddenly.  That way I wasn't suffering alone.

"Because I knew the moment I heard that my friends were going to shun me because they're judgmental asses sometimes.  I was going to lose most everything I held dear.  Everything I've worked for over a decade to keep.  All because someone wanted to sacrifice me and had to do it the hard way.  If they had just killed me, everything would've been just fine.  I could've accepted that.  I did accept that I was more likely to die in an attack of some sort than in a car accident or of old age.

"Hell, as far as I know, I wasn't fertile anyway.  And now... now things are suckstastic and I'm going to go bitch on the world if I don't keep my temper.  Because if my father hadn't intervened, then the baby would've been a threat to the slayer line, which would mean I'd have to hunt and kill my own infant.  Because the slayers couldn't ever do something like that."  He shrugged.  "Slaying is a hard life to lead, Cougar.  Harder than yours.  I've had a whole bunch of people die at the end of my stake or sword or any other weapon that I used to know."  Cougar shuddered again.

"People I talked to, people I was liked by, all that."  He shrugged. "And then I went into the wider world to learn and teach at the same time and realized that slaying and demon hunting is less ethical than lion packs hunting gazelles.  We're tougher on each other, we're tougher on ourselves, and we're pretty well all fucked up because of those issues we were gifted with.  Out of all the Council, I'm the only one that actually jumped in and volunteered before I knew I had a reason," he said quietly.  "I found out about Jesse afterward."

"He was close to you?"

"He was my fucking life and life saver.  In some ways my soul."  He grimaced.  "Jesse, Jensen, and I knew each other before we could talk in more than babbled nonsense.  He was the first one I ended up killing because I had to.  It was a demon taking over his body. We had no idea we could rip a soul from heaven and stick it in one or else I might've asked.  This ...health issue of mine?  Compared to all the hell I've been through this is the biggest cursed blessing I'll ever have.  If I survive.  If not, I'll make sure the baby goes to whoever Jensen likes best.  That way he doesn't have to give up what he does with you guys, or you."

He stared at him.  "You had better take excellent care of my baby brother, Cougar, because I am not the person to fuck with.  I have no compunction about blowing you up from afar.  From your car seat.  In a plane if I must.  Because if you *ever* hurt my brother I'll make your last few minutes something that will make all the higher powers puke.  And you're not the first I've done that to."  He stared at him.  "Am I clear?"

"I'd never do it."

"I don't give a damn."

"Thank you."

"Not a problem.  I'm still not contagious though.  Feel damn lucky our father didn't slip and get him too."  He went back to looking at the ocean.  "Yeah, if it wasn't so important, I'd be somewhere recuperating with scantily clad girls.  Unfortunately I can't even pull up the energy to think about that now."  He looked back but he was gone.  Xander went down to the beach to walk.  There was a cliff on each side preventing him from going over a mile away so he'd be safe enough.  Not like he was James Bond and someone was going to drive a boat by and shoot him.  He had actually walked the full mile up and back to the other cliff face, and was starting back again when Roque found him.

"Are you done being fucked up?" he asked.

"No, I'm still pregnant for at least another five damn months," he quipped back bitterly, staring at him.  "I'm thinking.  I'm being safe."

"You're worrying your brother sick."

"I think it's more that his friends are freaking out than me.  On the scale of fucked up things, I barely rate a seven right now, Roque.  You'd think people like my friends who fought the strangest shit would've been used to it and not turned bitchy.  But no, not them."  He walked off again.  "I'll come in later, when I'm tired."

"Fine."  He sat down, watching him walk.  It was a pretty clear line of sight all the way to each cliff.  Clay brought him coffee, watching the kid walk.  "He's mentally fighting with himself," he said quietly.

"Cougar said he threatened to blow him up if he ever hurt Jensen, even with civilians around."

"With some of the stuff he's done that was necessary, are we shocked?" Roque asked dryly.

"No.  Cougar was."  He sat down after checking the grassy area for spiders and scorpions.  It was a long ingrained habit. "I think Jensen would be."

"I think Jensen realizes his big brother is seriously screwed up."  He sipped his coffee.  "Anything other than the boyfriend talk happen?"

"He said Xander nearly cursed all guys into being able to get pregnant."  Roque choked, shaking his head.  Clay took his coffee before he spilled it.  "Apparently he decided that was a bad thing."

Roque got up and stormed down to where Xander was doing the long pace.  "You nearly did what to all of mankind?"

"Misery loves company," Xander quipped.  "That way I'm not the only guy in existence that got the dead bunny test.  All the gay guys would have to be more careful.  All the girls could laugh their asses off.  I figure it's ample payback for when hell tries its next thing and I'm down there to beat their asses in person."

A ghost faded in, her dark hair pulled back into a pony tail, her jeans and t-shirt blowing in a wind only she could feel.  "You need laid, Xander."

He turned to look at her.  "Well, gee, Anya.  I'm not really in the mood right now, dear."

"You're always in the mood."

"Nope, not right now.  Haven't been for months.  It might even be years with the way the hormones are fucking with my body."

"You can't go that long.  I trained you better than that," she said smugly.

"Do you know many girls who're going to date a pregnant guy?" he asked, staying sarcastic so it hurt less.

She considered it.  "A few.  I can see if they're still alive.  It'd be a novelty for them but they wouldn't want to be a stepmommy."  She smirked.  "I'm sure you'll be fine.  Women have gone through it or years.  They have that nice spot in the second trimester and everything."

"The hormones are natural to their body, Anya.  You give a guy estrogen and he quits working."  She slumped.  "Not to mention all the fucked up things in my head."

She stared at him.  "I can't be a therapist."

"Gee, what a shock?" he asked dryly.  "I knew that when I met you and you told me how you had tortured people then demanded sex."

"It was good sex."

"Yeah, it was pretty good sex," he agreed with a grin.  "Doesn't mean it can happen now."

"There's a woman somewhere missing your tongue."

"They're going to keep missing it too.  Especially since it doesn't do a whole lot for me if that's all I can do."  She slumped, shaking her head.  "It's not my fault!" he said firmly.

"I know.  We're thinking up plenty of mean things for your father.  Hallie and I are brainstorming."

"At least there's no mall there," he said dryly.  "Hell, if you want to be mean, have Janus hand him over for some special touchy-feelly event by one of the lightness and happiness patrol higher ups.  Watch him get hives, try hard not to react in a way that makes Janus look bad, all that."

She smiled.  "You always did have some very good ideas about torture, sweetie."  She blew a kiss.  "Just stick two fingers in yourself and play with your dick."

"No hole there, dear."

"You do so."

"Doesn't do a damn thing when the hormones are blocking you being able to get it up."

"Viagra?" she offered.

"Hormones?  Baby.  Keep it up, watch me curse them all.  I'm owed three curses and that would be suitably double edged."

She considered it.  "That would be really mean.  Almost as mean as making Buffy a mother."  She shook her head quickly.  "That'd be the biggest, gayest son ever.  Always in pink.  Wanting to wear heels.  He'd be more gay than Prince."

Xander snickered.  "Only if I could make Willow the daddy."

She cooed.  "That's the spirit!"  She smirked.   "You could use it against them."

Xander nodded.  "Yes, I will be."  She gasped, having heard that thought.  He smirked. "I'm working on the wording and need to find that box.  But hey, now I know why women go evil when you have PMS."  He grinned.  "How's things over there?"

"Not great.  Ethan's freaked a lot of the higher ups out because of how he helped you."

"Hmm.  I can include them in that wish."

She looked up then at him.  "D'Hoffryn said if you made it so male demons could get pregnant too he'd torture you in the most unfun way possible and would make what you went there though look like a cakewalk."

"If I die from this, I'm going to come up there and I'm going to take over," Xander said with a smug look.  "Hell will have a whole new boss and we'll have a better bureaucracy too.  I'll make sure it's run *real* well."  She shivered, rubbing her hands up her arms.  He smiled sweetly, making her float back a few feet.  "Thank you for trying to cheer me up.  I miss you and I told my baby brother all about you."

She sniffled.  "I hate being emotional, Xander.  You know that."  She disappeared after patting his belly.  "Ethan did more than screw things up."

"Yay me."  He looked at Roque.  "Anya."

He nodded slowly.  "She was dead, right?"

"Yeah.  Died a few years back."  He shrugged.  "Ghosts aren't that unusual."  He walked around him and went back to his walk.  He figured by now Anya had spread the warning that he was going to destroy everyone for all this happening to him.  And he'd have fun doing it, which was the important thing.  Taking over hell was a big job and you didn't want to do it unless you were having fun with it.  If you weren't, the paperwork would kill you.

Clay watched the boy's face and how what he was thinking was showing.  "Don't include me in that wish thing, Xander," he ordered.

"You're probably about menopause age anyway, Clay," he quipped as he walked past him.  "Sucks to be your boyfriend though."  He kept walking and thinking.

"You try it, I'm siccing Cougar on you," Roque called after him.

"He thinks I'm contagious, won't get within shotgun range of me in case I make his gun pregnant."

"I guess that explains why he spent most of yesterday up a tree watching the road," Clay said dryly.

"He does look a good game of tag and one good 'you're it' will catch him," Roque agreed, sitting down again.  "That was Anya's ghost."

"She looked like she was a pretty girl," Clay said quietly.

"She ordered him to get laid but he complained the hormones were stopping that.  We still need to disarm his scars too.  We forgot."

"We'll do that later since Doc's coming back."  They watched Xander walk back past them.  "Why don't you go eat?"

"Not hungry, thanks."

Jensen walked out onto the back stoop.  "Breakfast."

"Not hungry," Xander called.

"Yes you are.  I made super special Jake pancakes," he said smugly.  Xander whimpered, turning to look at him.  "With chocolate chips."

"Shit."  He walked up there to get a few.  Jake had always made good pancakes.  Xander could barely cook.

Roque and Clay followed him up to the house and to breakfast.  "Thanks, Jensen," Clay said.

"Not a problem.  I put little dried out strawberries in yours after I soaked them in rum."  He sat down with his own plate.  "So, what happened to put you in a bad mood?" he asked quietly.  Pooch was staring at them.  Xander shrugged.

"Anya just showed up to nag from beyond the grave," Roque said, moaning as he ate a bite.  "Those are damn good."

"Thank you," Jensen said with a grin.  He looked at his brother.  "What was she nagging about?"

"Sex.  My lacking of sex."  He stuffed his mouth.  "I agree, you're still really good with pancakes.  Even though it's been decades since Grandmother taught you."

Jensen grinned.  "Yes I am."  He dug in and ate.

"Did you know that your brother nearly killed everyone in the building?" Cougar asked him.

"Is this really a breakfast conversation?" Xander asked him.  "Because I've talked about many fucked up things over meals thanks to hunting and being surrounded by girls, but usually the only torture we talk about is their periods."  Clay choked, shaking his head as he sipped his juice to clear his throat.

"I'm tattooing a warning sticker on your forehead since that's the second time today you've made someone choke," Roque told him, looking totally serious.

Xander shrugged.  "You're welcome to try but that means I get to cut off your balls."  He smiled.  "I have some *delightful* recipes I learned in Africa."

"Eww," Jensen said then stuffed his mouth.  "If you had I still would've been proud," Jensen said quietly, earning a slight smile, nearly a grimace from Xander.  He hugged him.  "Jess sent that."

"You're getting emo.  Am I having a mood swing since you're mirroring me?"

Jensen considered that.  "No, this is just me pre-coffee.  I get a bit grabby."  All the guys nodded with a smirk for him.  "If I'm half asleep, I'll grab someone to cuddle too."

"I don't really cuddle all that often anymore, unless my girls are watching movies and pull me onto the couch."

"Girls tend to do that," Pooch agreed.  "My wife does sometimes."  They finished breakfast and went back to sorting stuff.  It was highly amusing what they found.  A few were newly given as happy baby presents, but most were just Xander's warped sense of collecting nice things to remember areas by.  And yeah, some of the strangest things were the baby gifts.  "Why did someone give you a gold snake with tiny gemstone eyes?" he asked, holding it up.

"Putting that in with the baby will probably protect it from snake bites," Xander said.  They all gave him odd looks but shrugged and put that with the other baby presents.  When the doctor got there, Clay handed him the scanner Jensen had gotten to work.  They found a whole bunch of little things on Xander's body that he had to pull out, including some debris.  The one on his scalp got a long look but it was easily cut out too.  Then they did his exam.

Clay looked at the kid once the doctor had given him a sit rep.  "How do you expand them?"

"Open both the locks.  The second shrinks it."

Clay had to get a magnifying glass to do that but got it open and suddenly he had a rather large artillery case in front of him smashing down a chair.  He opened it and whimpered.  "Did you use this one?"

Xander looked, taking off the stuff that looked like cobwebs with a grin.  The artillery was hidden underneath.  "An extra layer of protection if they get it open."

Clay was staring at it.  "Roque?  Cougar?" he called.  They came walking in and stared at the piece of artillery.  "The second lock is the shrinking thing."  They got the others outside and wiped the blood off them before opening the locks.  What they found, they hoped no one was watching the house via satellite or surveillance gear.  Cougar locked it all back up and put it away in a box.  Which he addressed and mailed off to someone he trusted.  On the inside flap he wrote the instruction about the locks.  Then he went back to sorting out things the kid probably didn't need.

Clay decided it was his duty to talk to the kid about his weapons collection.  He was the team leader and his brother was probably just going to agree he could probably use it during an apocalypse.  Clay wasn't that forgiving.   He might even spank the kid for some of that stuff.  He walked Xander off to talk to him outside.  They needed to check for surveillance gear and a watch on the house.  Jensen could check the satellites.

***

Two days later in DC, an agent got a box and stared at it.  He knew the sender's fake name.  He walked it down to the lab.  "I have no idea what this is, Abby.  Can you scan it for me?"

She did that and looked at the image.  "Tiny little boxes?"  She shrugged.  "They look like tiny building blocks maybe?"

He nodded.  "That's too strange for that sender."  She opened the box and spotted the instruction.  She pulled out a box to look at, pulling on her magnifying headset.  She jimmied the lock and had to move it off her table as it grew.  The agent stared at it.  "Shit," he said in awe.

"That's stranger than what I'm used to," Abby admitted.  "That's Council stuff."  He shuddered.  "So whoever sent it to you got it off someone Council."

He nodded.  "You can give that to Gibbs if you might?  Tell him a commando I know personally, I was trained with, sent it to me please?"

"Of course I can."  She smiled.  "Thank him for us.  I always wanted to test some of the spellwork against science."  He nodded and left her to it.  She called one-handed.  "Come see me, Gibbs.  I got given presents for you."  She hung up and pulled out a nice looking box to put on top of the first one.  He walked in and stared at the box.  She held up a hand and got that lock open, watching it grow on top of the first one.  She smiled.  "A commando Perkins knows sent it to him.  With that sort of work on it, that means it's Council."

"They need that sort of equipment?"

"Maybe.  With some of the stuff they handle?  Possibly.  I have a whole box to log in," she said happily.

He looked in the box, groaning.  "Let's get it down to the bigger work area."  She nodded, helping him move things.  He opened one.  "It's empty."  His team walked in due to his page.  "Abby got sent some stuff from the Council but this one's empty."

Tony DiNozzo looked and lifted off the cobweb.  "I'm immune to most magic thanks to something I had when I was younger, boss."  He grinned, looking in the box.  "How?"

"The second lock," she said.  "I'm guessing if you break it, it stays tiny."  He nodded, coming over to help her.  She looked.  "I don't know why this one has blood on the hinges."  She looked at the others.  "So do they."

"Maybe, with how small they were, they were smuggled on a body?" Ziva guessed.  She snapped her fingers, remembering.  "Harris.  He showed up to teach the girl who was Mossad for six weeks before she moved back to Cleveland to get jungle experience.  She said she saw him do that.  He pulled one out of an old scar when something attacked them.  It was beyond swords and guns both."  They all stared at her.  "He was their roaming trainer.  Their arms master as well."

"Most of the Council people do prefer low tech," Abby agreed.  "Crossbows, swords, the special scythe.  Stakes.  Artillery is for apocalypses."

"Where did he collect all that?" McGee asked.

"Well, this one I just opened is showing a German writing," Tony said dryly.  They all stared.

"This one's US," Gibbs said, considering it.  "So is that one.  Ziva, would he have bought overseas?"

"Quite possibly, according to her stories, he could have raided and kept."  She got onto Abby's PDA to look up the Mossad file, using her password and user name.  She let him see it.  "That is all we have on him and half is probably incorrect.  They all thought he was older and the analysts thought there was no way it was possible for one man to do that."

"So why didn't he send it back now?" Tony asked.

"A commando Perkins know sent it to him," Abby said.  "Is it possible that team ran into him and he's injured or something?"  Gibbs was groaning so she looked over the information.  "Half of that is crap.  The Sunnydale team makes up most of the upper Council and he was born on the old hellmouth, Ziva."  She got into another site.  "This is a demon hunter's site."  She looked at it.  "No, he's not dead.  Fuck."  They all stared at her, she did not swear, hardly ever.  She looked up.  "According to the demon hunters sites, Wolfram and Hart got him to torture him and tried to make him bear a child that would destroy the slayer line until a chaos sort changed it to a slayer that has to grow up or else they all die.  He's somewhere hiding."

"He's...pregnant?" Ziva asked to make sure.

"I'm betting there's a follower of Janus around in that story somewhere, because only them, of all the chaos sorts, would like that idea."  Tony shuddered.  He looked at Ziva.  "It's a really hard spell but yeah, he can be.  Especially with as tainted as he'd have to be from the hellmouth he was born and raised on."  Gibbs was giving him a pointed look.  "One of my cousins is Council.  Survived the explosion and the First Evil by being in a coma."

He walked off calling them.  His cousin had lasting damage that meant he blurted things out no matter who could hear the secrets.  He came back ten minutes later.  "My cousin said he is pregnant so whoever probably made him disarm.  All his stuff went to his new residence, which is hidden, and there's a team guarding him from the people who'd love to see that child die.  Also, the chaos sort is his father, who is the high priest to Janus."

"Who, beyond demons, is hunting him?" Ziva asked.

"Our president hates the Council has to exist," Gibbs said, looking at Tony, who nodded.

"The French government's stance is that demons don't exist, even when they were rioting in Paris.  The slayer assigned to France had to flee to save her life after stopping that riot.  French agents were going to kill her and have tried to kill the top two slayers a few times.  Then Rosenburg nearly sank Paris under a tidal wave that moved up the river without hurting anywhere else somehow."

"So there's higher ups who're pushing to have him killed," McGee said bluntly.  "Including ours.  What sort of team is guarding him?"

Tony grinned at Gibbs.  "You remember training an Army sniper, boss?  Quiet guy, Mexican?"

"Cougar, yeah."

"Jensen's his twin brother."

Gibbs considered that.  "They're a good team.  They can protect him and Jensen's scary in his own right.  What about whoever had him hostage?"

"Secret Service had that I'm told."

"Huh."

"He healed from the injuries in Bethesda."  He pulled Gibbs closer, hissing in his ear.  "I'm not sure if they know that or not, boss.  They've been keeping that absolutely silent.  Plus whatever sickness he had twice in Africa."

Gibbs nodded, going to find a way to contact them.  He had liked and respected Cougar.  He had to know what sort of problems the kid was going to have to deal with.  That way they could make concrete plans.

***

Clay looked at the information that had gotten passed to Cougar.  "Xander?" he called, bringing him out.  "I know you had malaria and I know you got exposed to something deadly in Africa."

"Yeah, that's what they ruled wasn't ebola."

"The smallpox?"

"Thanksgiving a few years before Sunnydale fell in.  I fell onto some native remains and ghosts can affect me.  I'm better shielded now thankfully.  I didn't get hardly any sickness from it outside of when they were active.  That, syphilis, and probably a strain of influenza possibly.  We never wanted to do the tests, just in case."

Clay stared at him.  "I'm having someone *I* trust, absolutely trust, do the tests."

Xander stared at him.  "If it gets out, my usual target gets a lot bigger and from badder sources," he pointed out.

"I know that.  If I could run it myself I would."  He stared at him.  He let him read the letter.  Xander grimaced.  "His cousin is Council.  She's well known to the teams as being someone who can help if we need it in DC.  She has connections all over the city."

"We know about Abby.  And I've met his teammate Ziva.  I was training one who ended up in the Mossad.  She had to retire."  He handed it back.  "As long as it's kept totally quiet, including from your own people higher up."

"Granted," he said.  "Cougar, draw some of his blood for testing."  He nodded, grabbing the medical kit the kid carried to pull out what he needed.  When he got the vials he packed them in styrofoam and an ice pack, then inside a double layer box.  He went to send it through the hospital by pretending to be a doc sending the blood for an identification of a patient.  They knew how to ship it fastest and best.

That hadn't been in the information file.  For a good reason, which he appreciated, but it meant there were still gaps related to Sunnydale.

***

Abby came in the next morning to the blood work.  The box said 'for identification purposes' and 'medical products' so she handled it carefully.  Inside the styrofoam was a note from him.  She smiled.  She had met Clay and crushed on him a bit.  She ran the tests, calling Tony and Gibbs only down.  What came up amused the hell out of her.  "When did he get a rabies shot?"

"He got bitten by a hyena in Africa and they made him take a half-series as a precaution," Tony said.  He pointed at the results.  "Sunnydale Thanksgiving.  Africa, Africa.  No clue," he admitted at the last two.

She looked then shrugged.  "I have no idea how he would've gotten dead strains."

"He fell into a Native burial chamber," Tony said with a grin.  "The spirits gave it to him.  According to my cousin the old head of the Council, Travers, cackled and all but danced around when he heard that report.  He hated the kid so much for jumping in he tried to have him killed.  That was before he was legal to drink.  Or vote."

"I'm running the sample against the one left at Bethesda for identification purposes but under a made up case number and name, Gibbs," she said.  "That way we're certain."  He nodded once.  She got to work on the other antigen test.  There was antigens from vaccinations, from minor things, and one screwed up DNA test when she ran that because she had heard he had screwed up DNA.  "What is that?" she muttered, looking it over.  Gibbs looked up from the reports Tony had pulled for him.  "Fish DNA?"

"Mermaid," Tony said bluntly.  "Back in high school."

She shook her head.  "He's stranger than I am.  That says something."  She got back to work and it was definitely not good news.  She bundled up the reports for Gibbs to look over and hand back.

"Can we get this to him subtly without anyone knowing?" Tony asked.  "Outside having someone magic it to him?"

"Did I hear someone say magic?" a redhead asked as she appeared.  "Why are you looking at Xander's blood sample, Miss Scuito?"

She smiled.  "Because the team guarding him heard there might be blood hunters.  He wanted to make sure which ones might be coming if they heard.  Because being pregnant and having some of these is probably a bad idea."

"He's not on any treatment."

"Pregnancy wears out a body," Gibbs said quietly.  "Runs down your immune system.  Which means he might have a relapse."  She shuddered.  "Therefore they have to know to prepare for a worst case scenario.  Those weapons?" he asked.

"What weapons?"

"Tiny shrunken boxes that Xander used to carry," Tony said dryly.

"I don't like weapons," she said, looking clueless.  "Xander did weapons and Paul does weapons.  We stole him from the FBI.  We had to teach him how to handle a crossbow but otherwise it went well."

"So Xander was probably carrying a spare apocalypse closet?" Gibbs asked dryly.

"Who know with him?" she said dryly.  "Ever since he went to Africa he's been strange."

Abby gave her an odd look.  "I think it's more he became a soldier instead of a hunter.  We see plenty of them here."  Willow huffed but disappeared.  Abby added a nice note to the reports and got into a hacker's chat room.  She found Jensen logged in but idle so she poked him until he answered her summons.

***

Jensen looked at his laptop as it beeped, putting back on his glasses and sitting down on the bed even though he was damp from his shower.  He smiled at who was reaching out to poke him.  "I love Abby."   He saw the coded message and made a single use secure email account.  She sent it all over with a note saying she wanted to crush more on Clay and Jensen so to not get dead.  Then she signed off and cleared off her system.  Jensen got into that file and printed it then deleted it, and hacked the company to make sure it was deleted properly and no copy was stored anywhere in cyberspace.  Including at NCIS.  He took the printed things out to Clay.  "Abby said she wants to crush on you some more so we can't get dead."

Clay read the information over, eyebrows going up.  "Huh.  Xander, it's probably a good thing you never tested your blood."  Xander looked over his arm, whimpering at what was there.  "I'll make sure with Doc that you being worn down won't make anything pop back up."  He called him to ask that question.  If so they had to set up a quarantine room.  Fortunately the doctor knew some of Xander's past and said it wasn't likely.  But to set up a surgical room just in case.  He hung up and looked at Cougar and Pooch.  "He wants us to set up the surgical suite soon.  A totally sterile room, boys.  If they have to do a c-section it'll have to be done within minutes so drape the doorway."

"What if we have to move?" Jensen asked.

"Then we'll figure it out," Clay assured him.  He looked at Xander.  He was asleep sitting up, with people in the room so clearly they were making some progress on his burnout.  He suddenly jolted away and looked around.  "Easy, kid.  Just a short nap," he said quietly.

Xander shook his head.  "Someone's nearby.  The wards woke me."  He got up to grab his wallet and Council ID case, heading out to figure out who was at the gate.  He walked up to it, staring at the young woman.  "Yes, miss, do I know you?"

"I'm here to talk to the new owner," she said with a smile.  "I'm with the local film bureau."

Xander stared at her.  "Ma'am, this is a private residence and I'm fairly sick right now," he said dryly.  "I'll be in treatments for months."

"Oh, I didn't know.  The locals said there were soldier types out here?"

"That would be my brother's friends."  He stared at her.  "What did you want to see me about?"

"We wanted to shoot some footage from your beach.  It's a perfectly secluded beach for a nice romp in a movie."

He considered it then pointed.  "That way three miles.  The owner's ...not really normal but I heard he's having tax problems and he has a cove sort of beach, much smaller than mine yet some caves and things."  She beamed at him for that.  "Just ask to talk to Juan, his assistant, not him."

"I can do that.  Thank you, sir."  She smiled.  "Are you moving here permanently, Mr. Harris?"

"How did you know who I was?"  She blinked and then backed the car up but Pooch shot the engine as a warning.  Xander grinned.  "So who are you really?"

"I'm Estravella Marquez."

Xander stared at her.  "The hitwoman out of Spain?  I was going to ask you out when I was over there the last time," he said dryly.  She gaped.  "Only dangerous women like me, ma'am."  He grinned.  "Why are you in Malaysia?"

"My government is very interested in what's going on with you."

"You can tell them the high priest of Janus made sure we'd both live, be healthy, and it'll be a slayer."

"Oh.  We didn't hear that part."

"You shouldn't have heard any of it," he assured her, staring her down.  "Just because I had to slightly retire for a bit doesn't mean I'm not the same badass little shit that showed up to handle that spirit while everyone was on pilgrimage."

"I heard," she sneered.

"Hey, I could've let it eat people," he offered.  "I was actually on vacation for once when that showed up."  She swallowed and nodded.  "Your orders?"

"Make sure that the child did not come to be if it was going to endanger the slayers."

Xander snorted.  "At least your people recognize that the girls couldn't do it on their own. No, the high priest that tweaked it on them decided I'm having a slayer."

"Fine.  May I go?"

"That's up to the big guy," he said with a point behind him.  Roque let out a growl of happiness.  "And his boss."  He walked off.  "Also you might tell them that I did remove the stuff from the scars so it can be used."

She blinked a few times.  "Is that what happened to the bomb you took off that idiot?"

"Yup."

"Oh, dear."  She looked at Roque.  "May I report that?  That way no one else comes after him?"

"We'll consider it."

Clay walked out.  "Estravella."  She spat his feet.  "Now now, no being so touchy."  He smirked.  "The kid's a lot like my son would be."

"I heard," she said dryly.  "So your team guards him?"

"He's Jensen's twin."  He smirked.  She looked alarmed, shaking her head.  He nodded.  "They weren't raised together but yeah."

"No.  Is not possible," she said quickly.

Jensen bounced out, grinning at her.  "Aww, did you nearly get hit on by my brother?" he teased.  "Dad would be *so* proud."  He beamed.  She swallowed, starting to make small whimpering noises.  He beamed.  "We're doing great things together even if Xander has promised to become Lex Luthor at some point."  She let out a weak sounding snort but was still looking horrified.  "So, boss, are we letting her go?"

"I don't know yet," he admitted.

"I will report it will be a slayer," she promised.  "That he has competent guards who are quite mean and willing to go toward evil for him.  I might even let the boy hit on me."  Xander walked back out and kissed her, making her moan and go weak in the knees, her hands going to his shoulders to hold herself up.  By the time he pulled back, one of her hands was in his hair and she was feeling suspiciously floaty.  He grinned and kissed her again.  She moaned and moved closer.  "I should not.  I will dent you and clearly the father must be yours," she whimpered, backing up.

He kissed the back of her hands.  "As far as I know the baby doesn't have one.  I need an exciting mate who knows how dangerous I am to her and to others.  One who likes oral sex and perhaps even long massages?"  She kissed him again.  He nibbled on her ear.  "See me in six months?" he whispered.

"Si, I will do so."  She got back into her car and drove off, taking the time to enjoy the lustful feelings he had created.

Xander grinned.  "She's cute.  Did you date her?"

"Went out once, but she had orders to kill me."

"Huh.  I might like that."  He walked off happier.

Jensen looked at his brother then at Clay.  "Did you somehow swap spit or sperm and infect him with your bad girl powers, Clay?"  Roque burst out cackling, walking into the woods to laugh himself sick against a tree.  Jensen followed his brother.  His poor demented twin brother who clearly needed better taste in women.  Anyone Clay had dated should automatically be off limits to the general breeding pool of sane people.  Jensen looked back at Clay.  "Did you sleep with our dad to make him?" he asked.  "I've been wondering if his bad taste in women just missed me."  He went inside to hear his brother laughing in the bathroom.

"I'd never fuck something as evil as your father, Jensen.  I prefer mine prettier and slutty with tits, not evil."

"That'd be a nice change," Pooch said dryly.  "Jolene's going to cackle about that."  He went to write her an email, making her day.  He stared at the one he got back.  "Jensen, make me some cheap flight reservations please?" he called.

"She in labor?" Jensen called.

"Having practice contractions and the doc said within two weeks."

"Go," Clay agreed with a smile.  "It'll be fine."  Pooch nodded, going to pack so he could head home and greet his first child.  Jensen handed him flight information on his way out the door.  He even got a taxi from the local town to meet him on the road.  That would help protect the boy enough.

***

Xander came out the next morning in a sarong and a loose t-shirt.  He sat down with a grimace.  Roque was looking confused.  "My pants no longer fit."

"That happens," he agreed.  He sipped his juice.  "Is that really the manliest fashion statement though?"

"Local guys wear it."

"Fine.  If you're comfy."  He finished his breakfast, letting Xander finish his toast and marmalade by himself.  Jensen was already off climbing trees for PT.  Clay was exercising on the beach.  "He's showing," he reported when he made it next to Clay.  "He said his pants don't fit."

Clay nodded.  "That happens to all mothers.  He taking it okay?"

"He's wearing a skirt."

"Sarong," Cougar corrected as he walked around him.

"Local guys do," Clay said, accepting that choice.  "It's probably more comfortable for him."  He finished up his PT and stretched.  Xander came down to play listlessly in the water.  "You could go back to bed, kid."

"My stomach's aching like hell again," he complained quietly.  "Apparently she's growing again."  He grimaced and played in the water.  Jensen came down to help him splash around.  He grinned.  "What do you think about Alexia?"

He considered that name.  "I don't know," he admitted.  "Jess kept with the whole 'J' thing they had going on for Bethie's middle name.  That'll go well with yours."  He shrugged and smiled.  "Do you like it?"

"Maybe.  I don't know.  I know Buffy threw a fit about me thinking about naming her after Joyce.  Said her mother would hate that.  I'm wondering how hard it really is to bring her mom down for a chat and a long spanking session since I hadn't really thought about names until I got her email."

Jensen gave him a nudge.  "At least it's not twins."

"Thank Janus," he said dryly, cracking Jensen up.  "Where's Pooch?"

"His wife's starting labor pains so he's at home."

"That means he can tell you guys what to do then, huh?" he said dryly.  He splashed his brother, getting it back.   They got back to their splashing contest.  Then Xander fell down gripping his stomach.  "Ow.  Stop it, dear, before I come in there and kick your ass," he muttered through gritted teeth.

Jensen helped Xander up, letting Clay help him get Xander into the house so he could lay down.  Jensen called the doc, who said it was probably an expansion pain if he wasn't showing anything else for a symptom.  Jensen was in high babble mode about things.  The doctor promised he'd be out there that weekend for the ultrasound.  Jensen hung up and got Xander a heating pad for his stomach then curled up behind him to fuss over him.  Xander tried to push him away but yay.   He was the prototype for the overprotective big brother boob robot.

***

Rupert Giles frowned at his phone when it rang, putting it on speaker absently.  "Giles."

"Is it a bad thing if we find a mole on her during the ultrasound?" Xander's voice asked.

"No, not in the least.  That is the most desirable outcome since it means the lines will be protected as long as she's born alive."

"What about a mole and a penis?"

"Are you sure it's the same mole?" he demanded.

"I identified how many of them?" he shot back sarcastically.

"Good point.  There was that one though."

"She had the spirit but it hadn't stayed due to her health; they later found lymphoma."

"Ah, that's the entry you made next to her name."  He considered it.  "I haven't heard a prophecy but I shall ask and beat your father quite severely for you."

"Jensen and I are going to commit patricide so leave some for us."  He groaned and moved. "Sorry, he's growing."

"I'd assume that's something all of you pregnant people would do, Xander."  Faith leaned in, looking pointedly at him.  "The first ultrasound did show the slayer mole but it's a boy."

Faith considered it.  "So is that an Ethan issue or does that mean that there's equal chance for boys to be called now?"

"I don't know," he admitted.  "I'll have to research that."

"If you need anything I have, let Jensen know.  Oh, and please swat the bottle blonde for not only panicking that I might recognize Joyce somewhere in her name, but also for telling Dru where I am.  Dru cooed over my stomach for hours before someone finally got free of where she had tied them up.  My brother was all for staking her but she mind fucked him for a bit and danced off up the coast."

"I'll make note of where she is and have Spike become noticeable."

"She said he's going to take the spot that Spike might've or Robin might've if they had been called."

"Oh, dear.  I'll be talking to your father later."

"Let me know how that goes for ya," Xander said dryly.  "Here, talk to my brother."  He handed it off and went to curl up again because the pains were back.

"Sorry, Mr. Giles, but Xander's having a lot of expansion pains.  So we'll be doing what we do best.  Any idea on how to deal with the insane vampiress who thinks my twin's a kitten? Because none of us can really see him as the fluffy, cuddly, kitten sort."

"Not a lot.  Mostly we hand her to Spike or Angel to deal with.  She's a bit...problematic since she's a seer as well."

"Yeah, we've seen a few visions out of Xander."

"He's still having them?" Giles demanded.

"Two since we hooked up."

"Oh, dear.  Most pregnant slayers don't get slayer dreams and most seers' gifts leave them.  It's thought to be dangerous for them to have them while pregnant."

"It's the reason I have them," Xander called faintly.

"That's fine then.  I'll research that as well and call in a few days.  He does have his phone?"

"Yes, he does.  This is his."

"Then I'll talk to him in a few days.  Do take care of him.  We worry quite a lot."  He hung up and got up, heading for the library, calling all the other research watchers in.  "The child Xander is carrying does have a mole as well as a penis."  One of them groaned and got a book.  "Dru said something about him being the same sort that Spike or Robin could've been."

"I know that one," another one said, handing that book over.  "It's not actually a bad omen.  It means that boys may be called at times if they're exceptionally strong on one of the needed gifts.  It might complicate some training issues but unless the child is a clone it should be fine.  I can't see him being a slayer."

"He's done the job often enough," Faith said as she sat down to stare at them.  "Any chance someone will think this is a horrible thing and try to hunt him down?"

"No," they said almost unanimously.

"There's one," one of the oldest left alive noted then sighed.  "It's been discounted."  He got that book and brought it back, reading it off.

"So basically a male slayer would have more trouble controlling the slayer urges," Giles said, looking at the senior slayer.

"So did I," she admitted.

"We believe that the girls who have that problem have a genetic XXY issue.  We had some geneticists staring at that problem so we could predict future girls with problems."

"So it's something that a strong upbringing and training could overcome but ...  Well I doubt Xander's son will be anything but strong willed," he said dryly, cracking Faith up.  "If he inherits his father's issues of drawing demons....  That could be fairly helpful."  Faith nodded, starting to giggle again.  "But it doesn't sound like something horrible."

"No, but it is a possible issue, but again they all discounted a male one would ever be born," he said.  "We thought that since Robin Woods wasn't born one then there was little hope.  Apparently it took Janus."

"Actually, it could've just taken Xander," Dawn said as she walked in.  "He is hellmouth born."

"Many are," that old one said, staring at her.  She got a book and found her idea, handing it over.  He read it and gave her a horrified look.  Giles took it to read.

"Well, it appears Xander was foretold," he said dryly.  "I'll have to see if that's what caused his father to be so disastrous to his son when I kill him later on."  He looked up.  "Again, nothing horrible."

"No, not in the least but that would make more sense with the male slayer being born finally," the old one said.  "You really can find a prophecy on nearly everyone."

"Speaking of, X said he's still having visions," Faith said.  "Why is that dangerous?"

Dawn swallowed.  "For the same reason Cordy died," she said quietly.  "He's more vulnerable now."

"Then again, Xander's aren't sent by the Powers," Giles said.  Faith nodded.  "We have no idea which higher power gave him his visions or activated the latent talent."

"I have the feeling we know now," Faith said dryly.  Giles gave her a confused look.  "Daddy's friend?"

"Oh, dear, I hadn't thought about that.  It's possible it was one of those."  He looked at his phone.  "How do you send those text message things that you use, Dawn?"  She took it to send one to him.  She got back one a minute later.  Giles took it and smiled.  "That's a good thing.  It was not Janus who activated it but it was one of the other higher powers.  Apparently they had a talk once during the one that sent him to the ER with a seizure."  He smiled.  "He said that the hellmouth had held it down and with the loss of his eye, his energy rebalanced suddenly and let that talent surface.  Whatever Caleb was doing or casting helped with that."

"Is that why now he gets dangerous women but not deadly ones?" Dawn asked.

"Quite possibly.  Aren't you supposed to be in Brazil?"

"Yeah, in about an hour," she said dryly.  "Buffy called up frantic and now I can't find her.  I don't know why."

"Buffy!" Giles shouted, tipping his head toward the door.  She walked in scowling.  "You panicked enough to need Dawn?  Can I help?  Or Faith?"

"Xander is going to put *Mom*'s name in his little spawn's!" she shouted.

"Calm yourself.  She did impact his life quite a lot by being his first true mother."  He stared at her.  "Beyond that, he said he hadn't thought about it until you mentioned it."

Dawn looked at her sister.  "Are you possessed?  You're suddenly the wicked stepsister sort and it's creepy.   Don't make me find a way to call Mom back to bitch your ass out, Buffy."  Buffy gaped at her.  Dawn just stared.  "How petty can you be?  Really?  Mom would be honored and cry on him.  She'd be all over him to help him, make sure he ate, all that.  I don't know why *some* of his *friends* are panicking so much.  It's dumb."

"What if the child isn't a slayer?" she demanded.

"They did an ultrasound today and spotted the mole," Giles said with a smile.  "Though they have spotted something irregular, but we were making sure it wasn't a problem."

"It's sick?  Can we beat Ethan now and get Xander back?"

"No, the future slayer will be a male," Dawn said with a grin.  "We have the mole spotted firmly.  Jensen sent back that they had used a tiny camera when they did the amnio draw.  So they have it on camera."

Buffy swallowed.  "Oh.  So he's not coming back?  What are the girls going to do without him?  More of them like him than us."

"That's because he gets out there, treats the girls like his sisters," Faith said.  "You complain.  You shop.  You do some of the training but he gets into their lives and sees where the slayer gifts are going to screw things up."  She stared at her sister slayer.  "Beyond that, you'd hate to have a baby underfoot all the time."

"It would be dangerous."

"Can't have it both ways," Dawn said.

"He doesn't have to raise it," Buffy said.  Dawn hauled off and knocked her down, and out when her head hit the wall.

"Really?" Dawn asked.  "You just said that?  I'm *so* calling Mom back.  You clearly need your ass straightened out."  She did the summoning, pointing at her sister.  "She needs a mommy talk."

"Do you?" Joyce asked dryly.

"She's been being a panicky bitch about Xander being pregnant."

Joyce cooed.  "We've been watching over him.  Xander is so cute like that.  And his brother is so protective over him.  I know he missed his brother.  Though they're not getting him calmed down, he's just taking a vacation."  Dawn texted that to Xander's phone, including that Joyce said that.  Jensen sent back a 'thank you, he's napping'.  Joyce smiled at her daughter.  "I'm proud you're standing by him and helping him.  Remember, mood swings are worse than PMS because then he'll cry on you."

"If I was closer he could but...."  She waved a hand around.  "I'm in Brazil right now."  She disappeared.  "Thanks, Mommy," floated back.

Joyce sighed, looking at her older daughter.  "Is she possessed or just freaked out?" she asked her old friend.

"I can check," he promised.  He got the things to do that, letting Faith leave to take a nap before patrol that night.

***

The team was on the beach, talking about ideas to help Xander's battle fatigue and other issues.   Roque said that it was really up to the kid.  Jensen said that he knew that Xander was clinging to his old life instead of moving to reserve status.  Cougar was staring at the house.  Clay finally got fed up.  "Cougar?" he snapped.  "Do you have any good ideas?"

"The garage door is up."  They looked and headed up there.

Xander was picking weapons.  "Hand me that box of bullets please?" he asked calmly.

"Why?" Clay demanded.

"Because I had a vision of a horrible attack in the country, a few islands over, and I have to  handle it," he said, looking at him.

"You can't do that," Clay told him.  "It can kill you both."

"Not like I can mystically create an army."

"We can help," Jensen said.

"You're not my army," Xander snapped.  "You're not trained for this.  There's really not a lot of chance that it'll be able to be shot but I'm packing in case.  If you guys want to come, you can.  I might like someone making sure that no one else joins in."  He finished packing and grabbed some stuff to change into.  He walked out of his bedroom in jeans and a loose t-shirt.  He grabbed his bag and headed out.  "I'll be back in two days I hope."

"We," Clay said firmly.  "We may not be your private army but it's our job to protect you."

Xander looked at him.  "If I'm right, I'll need my axe.  Can you use a sword?"

"Why can't we shoot it or blow it up?" Roque demanded.

"Because some things take steel or silver.  And need beheaded."  He shrugged.   "It's the wacky world of demon hunting.  Half the time you can't shoot anything unless you're making some really special bullets, like wood and silver, and some with silver shot but blessed.  I can usually make a few but not enough for a full scale battle, which this might be."  He walked around them.  "I'm driving."

"Fat chance," Cougar ordered.

"Not with your cramps."

"I..."

"Hush," Jensen ordered.  "Let us pack a few things.  Will it be a full battle?"  Xander shrugged.  "Odds?"

"What I saw, if we can stop the lesser five demons they can't summon the bigger one, which can destroy most of the island by sneezing.  That one will be able to be shot with lead.  Which I packed.  The lesser ones, the only thing they're not immune to is stone.  Specifically granite and quartz.  Which I haven't figured out how to make into bullets.  If you can, I'll learn from you.  I can behead them though."  He looked at Cougar then at Roque.  "You guys don't have to.  Demons freak most normal people out.  It's not what you guys are trained for."

He looked earnest, like he was giving them good reasons.  Jensen stared at him.  "At the very least we can get normals out of the way," he said dryly.  "And our job is to guard your ass.  So therefore if you go, we go."  He smirked.  "And beyond that, I do kinda know how to use a sword.  I took lessons in high school for SCA."  Xander hugged him.  They got their travel bags and headed off with Xander.  Clay activated the security system they had put up.  Roque drove.  Xander was meditating in the back seat.  "Where specifically?" Jensen asked.

Xander drew out a map.  "I called a boat owner I know so we can use it over.  Then we'd have to find a way back.  I never think to make return plans in advance.  Because I know some day I won't need them and half the time I have to head off in another direction entirely."

"Well, this time we don't," Jensen said, making those plans.  "We can ship the weapons on the way back."  He finished the plans, saving them down.  "Clay, we need to hit the boat docks in the next town to the east."  Roque nodded.  "How big is the boat?"

"Small yacht."

"Who owns it?" Clay asked.

"One of the fathers of a former slayer.  She died during the First's issues.  Her little sister is a passed over slayer."

"So he knows and understands," Clay said, nodding slightly.  "That's good."  They readied themselves for the trip and the upcoming battle.

***

Xander looked at the demons, sizing them up.  "Bigger than I saw.  They've fed recently."  He got stopped by Jensen's hand on his arm.  He looked at his brother.

"Be careful, don't let it hit you in the stomach or the head.  If it hurts you I'm killing it and then yelling at you."  He kissed him on the forehead.  "Don't get dead or hurt."

Xander smiled.  "I haven't heard that in years.  Thank you," he said quietly.  He got free and snuck over.  He noticed one staring at him.  "I'm just a tourist," he quipped with an evil smirk.

"I sense a blessed object so you brought that cursed axe of yours that we all like to make fun of?" he sneered.  Xander threw it, beheading him.

"Why, yes, I did," he sneered back.  He grabbed it on the way past, attacking the other demons before they could do more than stare.  He got another one injured before they tried to hit him.

"This will be a pleasure," one sneered.  "We can sacrifice you and play with the others."

Xander snickered.  "Hasn't happened yet."  He killed that one and moved on.

"People, this isn't a sideshow!" Clay shouted.  They ran.  They dove in to get the others at least injured.  Cougar was praying hard.  Roque was growling in pleasure since he got to stab things.  Clay was thinking about things he needed to learn how to do.  He saw the kid fall to one knee but he beat the crap out of the demon before getting up and killing it.  That left two.

"Jensen," Xander shouted, tossing his axe.  He pulled a large knife and went after it.  Jensen had caught the axe and was using it fairly well.  "It's a staff with a blade," he shouted.  Jensen nodded, shifting his hands and helping his brother.  Xander and Roque killed another one but it was trying to groan.  Jensen blocked a fist to his chest and swung the axe, letting it roll in his hand so the blade hit him.  He kicked it back to get them on firmer ground that wasn't slippery with blood.

They followed.  Roque got knocked down.  Cougar got knocked across the road.  Clay got hit but stayed standing and they attacked again.  The demon tried to get Xander's stomach with a claw, scratching him but Xander grabbed the axe back, ducking down and spinning, taking out the demon's knee as Xander slid onto his.  Then he popped up and beheaded it with two swings.  Xander looked at him then at the altar.  "Free the hostages, get them help," he said quietly.  "They're probably drugged and possibly poisoned.  I have to clean up this mess."  He pulled something out and pulled the pin, tossing it onto the bodies.  It went up suddenly and with the sound of popping popcorn.  Then the demons dissolved.  Xander hit the others with the same thing, watching them dissolve.

"Halt," someone shouted.  "Put down the weapons."

Xander stared at him, pulling out his ID.  "Watchers Council."  The officer paled, stepping back.  "We're going to fade.  Check the victims for poisons and drugs.  Check them for torture as well," he said firmly.  He grabbed his bag, using a cloth inside to wipe his blade clean.  They walked off.  "We're going back on vacation, Officer.  All yours now."

"My superiors will want a report, sir."

Xander grinned.  "I had a vision.  You can tell him that killing them kept them from summoning the one that would have destroyed the island simply by peeing or sneezing.  I only heard earlier.  Sorry about the lack of warning."

"Are they Council?"

"They're trying really hard to help me retire."  He smiled.  "Before my family's started."  That got a nod and the officer backed off.  "Have a better life, Officer.  I hope no more come into your life that aren't peaceful or helpful."  He walked off with the team watching him.  They got into the car and Xander slumped, closing his eyes and moving his neck.  "Are we sure I can't drink?" he asked as they drove off.

"No more than two beers a month," Jensen said.  He shifted to look at him in the back of the minivan.  "Pain?"

"Slight scratch.  No poison on the claws," he reported.  "A bit of fatigue since I'm not in the same sort of shape I was months ago."  He yawned.  "I need a nap but that's usual after a battle."  He yawned again, making Cougar do the same thing.  "I'm sorry I dragged you into that stuff."

"Shut up, kid," Clay ordered.  He rolled his eyes.  "We volunteered, get it right."  Roque snorted.  "That was more messy than I thought it would be."  He shifted but the minivan was comfortable.  "Jensen, the weapons?"

"They need to be cleaned.  They're going back as a personal collection."  They nodded, pulling over to clean all the weapons.   They went to the airport, dropping the minivan off before they moved to the UPS stand.

Xander held up a hand when the man started to babble about weapons.   He held up his Council ID.  "I'm going to my new post."

The man looked, then gave him an awed look.  "Of course.  Where is it going, sir?"  Xander and Jensen filled the forms out while the man reverently helped Cougar pack the weapons.  "Thank you for thinking of us."

Xander smiled.  "I liked you guys in the past too.  You guys didn't even lose my special, blessed axe on the way to Africa, finding me in the middle of nowhere to deliver it to me."  He smiled.  "Thank you."  The man beamed and nodded.  The box got put in for processing and they went to check in and fly the puddle jumper plane back to the other island.  While they waited to board, Jensen checked Xander's stomach in the bathroom.  It was just a scratch but Jensen was keeping himself from freaking out.

Jensen looked up at him.  "All the scars?" he asked quietly.

"About two-thirds," he admitted.   "I learned how to fight by jumping in."

Jensen hugged him.  Someone in there glared at him.  "He's my brother."  The man left.  He looked at Xander.  "Please retire?" he begged.  "I'd hate to miss you again."

Xander sniffled.  "Don't make me mood swing, Jake.  I hate crying."  They walked out together, seeing the disgusted look.  "He's my twin brother," he said in the native language.  "He was checking on an injury for me and is worried sick since I'm Council."  The guards nodded, backing away.  "I'm sorry if that person got the wrong idea.   He wasn't hugging me for other reasons.  I'm not into him."

"Thank you for clearing that up, sir."  He walked off.

Xander and Jensen got back to the seating area, watching as Cougar stood up.  "We on?" Jensen asked.  Cougar nodded so they boarded and got settled.  It was only a twenty minute flight.  Xander settled in to nap.  Cougar tipped Xander's head in the other direction, letting it rest on Jensen's shoulder instead.  Jensen stared at him.  Cougar shrugged and let himself rest as well.  Jensen wrote his sister an email about the fight.  He'd hack some footage later to include.  He looked back at Clay and Roque, who were talking.  He raised an eyebrow.  Clay smiled but shook his head.  Jensen went back to his observations about Xander.

His sister was going to have a fit.

Jensen was keeping his inside before he made his brother cry again.

***

Three hours later in New Hampshire, Jess Jensen opened her email.  "One from your uncles."  She got into it.  "Um, dear, this has adult stuff in it so don't read it and go to your room please?" she asked calmly.  She heard her daughter walk off.   She got back into the video.  She didn't hear her daughter come back.  "Oh, shit," she muttered, watching it.  "No one told me my brother was Iolaus and Thor's love child."

"Mommy, is that Uncle Xander fighting those icky demons?" she asked.  Her mother flinched, glaring at her.  She smiled.  "The teacher told us about the invasion that let us know about demons and slayers the other day.  That way we know why they're important and why not all of them are bad people, just the bad guys among them."

She hugged her daughter.  "Your uncle is actually on the Council but he's newly retired because of your future cousin," she explained.  "But something happened and Xander had to help with a small fight.  Which is what your Uncle Jake sent.  They're both just fine."

"Of course they are, Mommy.  I did a research project on Uncle Xander.  He's been hunting since he was sixteen and only is missing an eye.  He's been in every battle but about three known ones because he was off training some of the slayers that didn't get hurt by that First Evil poopy head.  He's one of the people on the senior board."

"Can I see that report?"  She nodded, jogging off to get it and bring it back.  "An A+, I'm very proud, dear."  She hugged her and settled in to read the report.  Apparently they needed to handcuff Xander to Jake for a while.  That way he didn't get hurt again.  She sent her daughter off so she could rewatch the video.  "My missing brother is an insane idiot," she decided.  "Who really needs to retire.  Before we end up mourning him again."

***

Jensen answered the phone.  "Yup?"  He listened.  "Hi, Doc Witherspoon.  What's wrong?"  He listened to the results, taking notes on what the doctor was saying.  "A question was raised, who's the daddy?"  He heard that.  "Okay, please do if you find out.  I'll let him know.  Thanks, Doc."

He hung up and walked out to where Clay and Xander were talking about how you retired when you had to retire from combat without slipping casually back into it.  He flopped down next to Xander.  "That was the doctor."  Xander looked at him.  "The amnio results are back.  It's all good.   He's healthy, he's developing normally.  He's already active as a slayer."  Xander flinched, giving him a horrified look.  "That little drop test you put on their hands or blood?  It came up positive."

"I'm not sure if that's normal or not.  We've only had two pregnant slayers who survived."

"I can check," Clay told him.  Xander beamed at him for that.  "Any other news?"

"He's testing parental donors."  Xander hugged him.  Jensen cuddled back with a grin.  "That way we know.  Maybe it's someone you'd like to date."  He grinned.  "The only anomaly it has is the XYX genome, which means they have an extra X chromosome.  It won't do him any harm but he's going to be low testosterone probably when he gets older."

Xander grinned.  "So not really tough?"

"He can be tough but he won't be horribly tough and badass unless we make them.  He won't look like Roque.  He'll probably be more skinny like we are."

"That's good to know."

"And he'll call with the parentage even if he does have to ask someone to run it."

"Thank you."

"Welcome."  He grinned.  "Jess said you looked like Iolaus."  Xander cackled, shaking his head.  "She said our niece saw it and asked some questions because her teacher had told them about the LA invasion so she had done a book report on you."  He grinned.  "She still says you're neat."

"I don't want to dirty her, Jensen.  If she knows she'll never be innocent."

Jensen nudged him with his shoulder.  "She doesn't really know what I do either, Xander.  She knows we're in the army and we do important missions that occasionally get dangerous.  She found out you're one of the top people in the Council, that you've been in most of the major battles, but Jess said she knew that there's a difference between the peaceful sorts and the rest."

"That's good."  He winced and gripped his stomach.  "Ow.  Don't kick, son."

Jensen squealed, stroking his stomach.  "Just one more, nephew, then let Daddy rest?"

"Ow," Xander muttered when Jensen got kicked.  Jensen hugged him.  "Hey!" he complained weakly.

"Hush."

"If I die, he's yours."

"Of course he is."  He cuddled his brother, smiling at Clay.  "He kicked."

"I'm told they do that a lot until you push them out."  He watched Xander struggle against Jensen being clingy but not hard enough to upset Jensen.  Jensen even got to nag him into eating something and taking a nap.  So clearly Xander was feeling good with his brother again.  That would help the kid a lot.

***

"Alexavier?" Xander offered.

Jensen hummed and looked up from his present hacking.  "What?"

"Alexavier?"

"The kids might pick on him," Jensen said with a grimace.  "It's cute though I guess."

"What's with the 'Lex' names?" Roque asked.

"Once he's out I'm turning into Lex Luthor," Xander said dryly.  "That way I can beat the asses of Wolfram and Hart for good."

Roque gave him an odd look.  "Wasn't he the bad guy?"

"Kinda, but I can be that bad to the side of evil."  He grinned.  "I'm good at it.  I'll start a research firm or something.  Maybe some training for swords or people who want to hunt with the slayers."

Jensen grinned, getting into another window.  "I've been meaning to get into those fuckers.  Let's see where you can go against them easiest, Xander."  Xander hugged him, letting him pat his nephew.  "We'll figure out the name too.  That way he's not picked on too much like Pooch probably was."

"Pooch has a real name?" Xander asked.

"Linwood."

"No, I'd never do that to my son.  I like the guy, but the jocks can be mean."

Roque nodded.  "Yes they can be.  Have we made out primary documents?  In case you're in the hospital after the birth?" he pressed when Xander gave him a confused look.

Xander pointed at Jensen.  "He gets the baby and my money.  My stored stuff goes to the kid, not my friends.  Dawn gets my pictures and the comic collection goes to Andrew."

"Put it in writing, that way none of your friends can protest."

"I probably should."  He opened his computer up to get into the programs.  "Ah, here we go, the legal paperwork maker."  Jensen looked confused, pushing his glasses back up.  "Sometimes we needed some for the girls."

He nodded, that made more sense.

Xander got into the will maker to use the template.  It wasn't that hard.  He had filled out paperwork for Power of Attorney, custody, and other things in the past for some of his girls.  "Do I fill it out for US courts or other courts?"

"Depends on where you're going to keep your primary residency," Jensen said absently.  "If you're keeping US citizenship, yes.  Though the baby's citizenship might be in question depending on who the daddy is."

"If I have to, I can have someone magic his files in," Xander admitted.  "That's how Mom got the shitbag to change my birth certificate so she wouldn't have to pay for the formal adoption stuff."

Jensen's head came up slowly.  "She did what?"  Xander went into his room and came out with a document.  Jensen read it over.  "That's not a legal switch, it wasn't refiled," he said dryly.  "She's in so much trouble."

"She died when Sunnydale fell in, Jake.  They refused to leave."

"Damn, have to wait for a few years to thump her."

Xander stared at him. "If one of us end up in a hell realm, we're honor and duty bound to try to take over and make it better."

"Wouldn't that be a lot of work?" Roque asked.

"Yeah but you'd be bored otherwise.  Or tortured.  This way you can torment others and not be tormented."

A largeish, human looking demon with wings appeared, staring at him.  "Please don't make that vow.  We'd have to protest and make you immortal, which would mean watching everyone around you die."  Jensen and Roque had guns out within a heartbeat of him showing up.  Cougar had his trained on him from the trees.

Xander grinned.  "If I end up in hell after everything I've done to save humanity, I'm *so* taking over.  I may not vow it but I will."  He beamed.  "We'll have such *fun*!  I'll make it efficient, I'll make it more fun because clearly heaven's cranked somewhere if me or the slayers end up there, and I'll make it so those that shouldn't be tormented aren't.  I'll redo the whole judgement process so it's fair and actually realistic."

The demon shuddered.  "You'd ruin us."

"Perhaps but I'd rebuild it so it was better."

"What is it doing here?" Clay growled as he came out of his room.

"He's trying to convince Xander not to take over hell if he ends up down there."

"The problem is that he's doing unnatural things," the demon said dryly.

"Not my choice," Xander chirped with an evil smirk.  "I tried to not have it but then I got forced because of what's going on.  If you didn't want me having this child, you should've had Wolfram and Hart sacrifice me properly or just not take me."  He beamed.  "And if he confines me to hell, I'll start with the road trip demons I saw.  They're all sorts of fun and we can even start a labor union with them in the lead."

The demon whimpered.  "You'll destroy everything that makes hell wonderful, Harris."

"I'll make it so it's better and people might actually want to join us."  He smirked.  "Like in that Anthony book."

"I read that series," he said dryly.

"I'd even have better lawyers look over the soul contracts so they're harder to get out of and easier to get people to sign than Wolfram and Hart's version."  The demon moaned, shaking his head with a small whimper of pain.  "We love some of you guys.  Some of you are very nice to me.  I got a great baby present the other day from Astri."  The demon gave him a horrified look; even his wings were slumped now.  "Can you take the thank you note?"  He went to get it and came back to hand it over, giving him a hug.  "Don't worry, when I'm there you guys can give me advice.  I listen to advice.  I learned how to lead really well."  He patted him between the wings.  "We'll have *fun*.  Look forward to all the fun."

The demon started to cry, taking the thank you note back to hell.  His boss looked concerned until he showed him why.  That higher up took the thank you note and went to tell the other higher ups the bad news.  They needed to redo the judging process to exclude Harris.  When he found out there was a Harris brother and sister, they got added.  Just in case.

Roque looked at Xander.  "You... you made a high level demon cry."

"Well, yeah.  He wasn't going to hurt me or the baby."  He grinned.  "A lot of them respect and like me more than my friends do.  I met a lot of them through Anya."  He grinned.  "Some of them have really great senses of humor too.  Most of the higher ups really don't want to take over humanity and won't really stand in the way of hunting.  It was really nice when they showed up to complain how dumb their bosses were.  And the other bosses too.  They even all agreed, them being sith or jedi would be more cool and more reasonable.  We had a three day talk and decided that over beers and chips."

Clay gave Xander a look then Jensen.  "Don't look at me," Jensen said, holding up both hands and leaning back in his chair.  "This is from him being left in Sunnydale.  This is not a Rayne family trait.  I'm much more normal than that."  Xander scowled.  "You're kinda warped sometimes, Xander.  Most of us would've sent demons away."

"I've known and worked with plenty of demons."

"I know but still, those sort are probably dangerous.  Really, really dangerous."

"He was doing a nice thing.  Otherwise I wouldn't be able to get that thank you note back to the sender of that really pretty baby blanket with protections on it."

"Go take a nap," Roque ordered, pointing toward the bedrooms.

"I'm not tired."

"Now," Clay ordered.  "Jensen.  Now."  Jensen got up and helped Xander up and into the bedroom.  "Cougar, go watch them," he called.  Cougar came in and went to sit next to Jensen to make sure he wasn't tainted by any more demonic contact.  Clay looked at Roque.  "We can't both be drunk tonight."

"Pooch is coming back in a week."

"Sure, you can wait a week to get drunk."

"I call now, I'll get up and have a hangover for patrol tonight," Roque said.  "That way I'll be hyper sensitive to sounds.  You take tonight for tomorrow morning's patrol?"

"Sounds good.  Do we have liquor?"

"We're in a mostly Islamic country," Xander called.  "Check the boxes."

They went to the garage, finding some really old scotch and some newer stuff.  They decided to save the really old stuff for a special occasion.  For just getting drunk, the newer stuff worked just as well and was easier to be replaced.

***

Xander looked at his baby naming site.  "Did you know someone totally misspelled my name by spelling it 'Alexzander'?" he asked.

Cougar looked at him.  "Why?"

"I have no idea," Xander admitted.  "Probably part of that 'unique' spelling movement to take popular names and change the spelling.  They always seem to end up with a lot of 'y's."

Cougar shook his head quickly.  "I am glad I don't have to do that."

"Suggest away, please.  I might find one I like instead of this."  Jensen walked behind him and reached around him to type in another site.  "Bad baby names?" he read.  He giggled.  "Yeah, that's what I want to avoid.  The dreaded disease of 'y'."

"Huh?" Roque asked as he walked through the room.

"Sinclair," Xander said, reading off the original site.  "Synclayre."

"Not even I spell that badly," he said.  "Or Cougar and English is his second language."

"It's popular to do that," Jensen said dryly.  "This site is actually hilarious though.  So many bad baby names mixed with sarcasm."

"Sarcasm is always appreciated," Xander quipped.  "It's a humor I get."  Jensen stared at Xander's stomach.  His sarong was tied below the baby lump.  "I'm not fat."

"You've lost weight in other areas so no you're not," Cougar said.  "My sisters would complain."

Xander looked at him.  "All women complain about something.  Some nag, some complain, and some whine 'why me' but for some reason every single woman I've ever met, even on the bus, complained to me about something.  That was one good thing about hiding in the middle of the wildness in Africa.  Less women to complain."  Cougar walked off shaking his head.  He sat down behind Jensen's computer to email someone.

Xander looked at Jensen.  "Do they do that to you?"

"Not usually.  Sometimes they avoid me totally because I'm too cute for them to handle."  He grinned.  Xander winced and grabbed his stomach.  "Relax.  You know it hurts more when you fight it," he soothed, sitting beside him to rub his stomach and lower back.  "That's not a kick.  Clay, that's not a kick," he called.  Clay came jogging out to check him with Cougar.

"Practice contraction," Cougar said.  Xander glared at him.  "Happens."

"Shit!"

Jensen cooed, hugging his stomach.  "It'll be okay.  It means it's getting closer to time."

"That means he needs to get baby stuff," Clay noted.  "Diapers, those things."

Xander looked at him.  "Can't I order them?"

"Probably.  Why are you suddenly scared of stores?"  Xander pointed at his very obvious stomach.  "Wear sweats."

"They don't fit either.  So unless I go in drag...."

"I don't want that mental image," Clay said, walking off.  "I'm calling Doctor Witherspoon."

"Tell him to make them stop," Xander called after him.  He slumped, looking at his stomach.  "Just... don't kill me for those, okay?"

"You're fine," Jensen soothed.  Xander scowled at him.  "You are."

"I'm fine."

"I know."  He grinned.  He finished cooing at his nephew.  "This is my first time seeing this too."

Xander slumped.  Jensen was taking a lot of pleasure at all this.  He couldn't ruin his brother's happies.  Even if he was freaked out again.

Cougar was watching him.  "Go bathe.  It helps."  Xander nodded, putting his computer aside to do that.  He looked at Jensen.  "He's scared," he said quietly.

Jensen nodded.  "So am I."  He started to get up but Cougar pushed him back down, shaking his head.  Jensen nodded, relaxing and getting back to what he was doing.  "I need to order diapers."  He found a site, staring at it.  "They're really expensive.  How much does it cost to raise a baby?"  He searched that and found the high six figures.  "And that's before college?" he muttered.

"There's no way Xander can handle that."  He considered it then went back to destroying Wolfram and Hart.  By the time he was done they wouldn't need their funds anyway.  Apparently the agents he was feeding information to weren't the sort to care so he sent it to a different one about different matters.  That got more attention but they got stopped later in the day.  "The president likes Wolfram and Hart," he said dryly.  "Charming!"

He fixed that problem as well.  Interpol wasn't like that.  Interpol hated people who killed people in pagan rites and the Council stopping them.  They'd do about anything to make sure the Council was unneeded outside of battles - which would hopefully happen in the US instead of Europe.  He got back a thank you note from that agent and told him that he was happily destroying them for what they had done to his brother.

The agent said he understood how it was when they sacrificed a family member.  So Jensen told him why.  He'd apparently heard and was shuddering but he wanted him to take whatever he could so they were hampered.  Called it a baby present even.  Jensen said 'thank you' and told him about the other agent's involvement and how he got stopped.  The agent sounded smug when he said he wasn't going to let that happen to him.  Jensen opened up everything for him and stole all the money, including the hidden accounts.

"Turn on the tv," Clay ordered after getting a phone call.

Jensen looked, watching as Interpol agents raided one of the local offices an hour later.  He finished opening up all their hidden files for Interpol.  For being an evil law firm bent on world domination they had really crappy security on their computer files.  It was almost something he could've done back in sixth grade.  Definitely by eighth.  "The side of evil really does suck," he announced.  "They haven't even tempted hackers onto their side apparently.  They keep information on their plans on their computers.  Hell, they even threaten and sexually harass by email!"  Clay shook his head, watching the thing going on.  "Xander?"  Xander woke up and came out, rubbing his eyes and one hand holding his stomach.  "They're taking down Wolfram and Hart."

"Yay good guys," Xander said, flopping down next to him.  "What're you working on?"

"Them.  They're so bad at protecting their ideas."  He gave him a hug.  "I ordered some diapers and a few cute onesies."

"What's a onesie?"  Jensen showed him and babbled about all the cute baby stuff he could wear.  They could even get him baby leather pants.  Xander sniffled and hugged him.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome."  He wouldn't say a word about the mood swing because he was feeling sniffly himself.  Everyone else was pointedly ignoring them.  Pooch walked in with his wife and the baby.  "Hi, Jolene.  Hey, baby Pooch."  He grinned, nudging Xander awake again.  "That's Pooch's baby."

Xander stared, head tipped.  "I have no idea how to even hold one of you," he realized.

"That's why I brought my beautiful wife and son with me," Pooch said smugly.  "That way we could make sure you can change diapers."

"Cool."  He carefully took him to hold.

"Head up a bit," Pooch ordered.  Xander shifted the baby so it was sitting in his lap against his chest.  "That's not a bad position."  The baby was still asleep.  "We'll teach you to change, feed, and hold one of those."  He helped his wife sit then sat beside her.  "What's going on?"

"Jensen helped Interpol," Clay said.

"Good."  He took his son back.  Something had woken him.

She stared at him.  "Being kicked?"  He nodded, rubbing his stomach with a pouty look.  "They all do that."

"He's lost some weight," Jensen said.  "He needs to gain it back before he gets sick."

Xander looked at him.  "I thought you were my brother, not my sister."  Clay cracked, snickering.

"You are too skinny," Jolene agreed.  "Can you cook at all?"

Xander nodded.  "A little bit.  I learned when I was training some of the slayers."

"We can work on that.  I know they have huge stomachs."  He turned green.  "Ah, that's the reason.  Anything that soothes that?"  Xander shook his head and got up to go puke.  He waddled as fast as he could.  Jensen was looking worried.  "You can go help him," she said quietly.

"No I can't.  He said so."

"Yeah, some of you boys are like that.  Like what Clay would be like knocked up."

Clay stared at her then looked at Pooch.  "Is that hormone damage or did you just fail making your wife happy so she's got bad thoughts?"

She swatted him.  "You'd make a decent enough daddy."

"No thanks."

Roque shuddered.  "I can't see Clay in a sarong with that stomach of doom."  He went to get a drink.  "Kid, you good?"

"Hell no.  Go away!"

"Sure, we'll stay out here."  He stared at Jensen.

"Last time he tried to hit me."

"Fine."  He sat down with his laced coffee.  Cougar's mind was still stuck by the look on his face so he nudged him, making him shudder hard enough his hat came off.  Jensen giggled. "At least it's not you, Jensen.  We'd have to freak out if it was you."

Jensen stared at him.  "I'd be just a beautiful as my brother is," he said firmly, glaring at Roque.  "And if something happens to him, you guys can be really spoiling uncles."  Clay opened his mouth.  Jensen glared at him too.

"Jess would help," Clay offered.  Jensen stared at him.  Then he got up and walked off shaking his head.  "Damn."

"That's one translation of that family's name," Cougar said quietly.  He watched Jensen and Xander go into the garage, wincing when the car started.  "I think they're going shopping."

Clay hopped up but the boys were gone by the time he got out there.  "I hate mood swings."

Jolene swatted him.  "That was you insulting the boys.  Not a mood swing.  A mood swing means he would've taken your head off.  Considering what I've seen online of some of his fights, he might do it."  She stared at him.  "If you insulted me that way I would've taken your balls off, Clay."  He nodded, calling Jensen's phone, which rang in the bedroom.  "You'd better fix that before you lose Jensen."

He nodded, going to follow the twins to wherever they were going.  They had trackers on all the team right now.  He found them in the local market with the locals all liking him.  None of them seemed to realize he was pregnant.  He shadowed them, finding the boys stocking up on things that would make them sick if they ate them.  "Clams aren't local," he said, walking up to them.  "That means they had be shipped."

"These are dried," Xander said, pointing.  "They're still cold."

Clay sniffed them, shaking his head.  "No.  Let's not get food poisoning.  It could kill you.  Or us."  He looked at the younger men, who shrugged and bought something else.  He walked off with them.  They stopped to look at baby things.  "Are we planning on a crib?" he asked quietly.

"That's not really easily moved," Xander admitted.  He did pick up a baby carrier system.  The woman selling it smiled and showed him how to adjust it and how to put it on.  Jensen watched too just in case he needed to know.  They kept going, finding a few more neat things for the house.  Then Clay walked them over to where he had seen someone they knew.  "Hi, Doc," Xander said, giving him a quick hug.  "You look like you had a bad day."

"I did," he admitted, staring at him.  "That's cute."  He smirked.  "Feeling all right?"

"I'm okay.  I'm hating a few things," he said quietly, glancing around.  "I don't know if I can put up with these practice things for very long."

The doctor smiled.  "You only have two to three more months of being sick."

"Yeah but that sucks."

"Yeah, it does," the doctor agreed.  "I'll see you this weekend.  Then we'll start seeing you more often until it's time to be better."

"Sure.  But I'm not sure I can handle those."

"I know.  It'll be okay.  We'll talk this weekend."

"Doc, any new precautions?" Clay asked.

"Not yet."  He looked in the bags.  "Don't eat those onions, you'll probably regret it, even if they're cooked, Xander.  Like eggs."  Xander turned green.  "Hmm.  Still?"  Xander nodded, swallowing hard.  Jensen handed over his bottle of water.  "We'll see."  He patted him on the arm.  "Let me find my wife something nice."  He walked around them.  "I'll be out Saturday afternoon."

"Sure," Clay agreed.  He walked the boys off.  "Calm it down, Xander."  He nodded, sipping the water.  Even Jensen was looking a bit green.  Clay got them away from people and strong smells, letting them calm themselves on the way to the cars.  Xander managed to hold it off until they made it onto the road home then Jensen and he both had to stop and puke.  Clay timed it.  That was a long episode.  That had to be fixed.

***

Jolene watched Xander pick at dinner.  "You need to eat.  He'll take it from you even if you don't and if you get weak, you'll end up sick."

"I got sick an hour ago," he said quietly, putting down his fork.  "I'm not really ready to eat.  I'll eat it later."  He went back to his room.

She looked at Clay.  "Ten minutes of it," he told her.

She frowned.  "That's not normal."

"We ran into the doctor when they were shopping, he'll be out Saturday."  He ate a bite.  "It's a bit spicy.  I know eggs don't go well.  The mention was why they got sick."  Jensen ran to get sick.  "And he's mirroring it," he finished dryly.  "Shut the damn door!" he shouted.  It got kicked shut.  Clay ate another bite, then grinned at her.  "Thanks for cooking, Jolene."

"I know you can't," she said dryly, cracking Roque up.

Jolene watched as a glow went over all the men, including her man.  "What is that?" Cougar asked.

Xander came out, staring at them then up.  "Bitch," he called.  "I'm coming back there to stop your damn magic addiction once and for all!"  They heard a squeak and the glow stopped.  Xander picked up a few candles and a dagger.  "Let me go talk to someone."  He headed for the door.

"What was that?" Clay demanded.

"That was Willow."

"For?" Roque asked.

"I have no idea.  That's why I'm going to call on something higher to ask what the hell she just did."  He went outside.  He used the dagger to draw in the hard-packed dirt at the end of the driveway.  He had to get a few more candles then came back out to light them and stepped into the protection circle.  He dropped a few drips of blood next to his feet.  "D'Hoffryn?" he called.  "I know Willow did something."  Nothing.  He intoned the formal summoning and watched as the demon huffed when he appeared.  "What did Willow do?" he asked dryly.

"You summoned me?  Won't that bother the future infant?"  He waved a hand at his stomach.

Xander stared at him.  Then he smirked.  "It's that bad?"  The higher demon nodded.  "Can I kill her ass?"

"There's a fight over who gets her.  This is probably a bad idea."

Xander stared at him.  "What was it?  Because I am owed those curses."

He coughed and muttered something in Latin since someone was watching.

"Excuse me?" Jensen demanded.  "She made men fertile?"

Xander sighed.  "Can I undo it?"

"No.  She put the full power of the hellmouths behind it.  That way you weren't so rare and could come home."

Xander stared at them.  Then at the demon.  "Can I change it with the curse?"

"Yes.  We'd all dearly love that since the higher ups are using this as a new way to prove dominance."

"Then I intone the curse I am owed by Da'Travetlina."  D'Hoffryn shuddered.  That demon appeared outside the summoning circle.  "As I can not *yet * undo what Willow Rosenburg hath wrought, I do use the owed curse to counter her so any man who would use that gift does it with full knowledge and desire.  That it could not happen accidentally.  That it could not happen without intent.  That it could not happen without them knowing it was possible."  He looked at D'Hoffryn.  "And that finally the same conditions apply to demons who were affected because they did not have that gift naturally."

The demon nodded.  "That's a nice counter, thank you.  We were going to prompt you later, but it's bad for it."

Xander looked at him.  "My own hellmouth taint protects him, Da'T."

"Good point.  We keep underestimating you."

"Hmm," Xander agreed.  He looked at his brother then smirked.  "I use my second curse, which is also owed to me by Da'Travetlina.  The entity known as Wolfram and Hart, and all their other various names that they may work under, shall hereby be known to work for the Angels and the Powers That Be *both*, that way both sides have to agree on their future greater and lesser works."  The demons gaped, staring at him.  "And that the demon lords in charge of the entity are now turned back to the level of a Higher instead of their Demon Lord status.  All their earned status is to be removed to the child that they made come into being against the parents' wills."  Both demons moaned.  "And finally that this child shall not be touched harmfully by any Demon Lord or Higher Demon."

D'Hoffryn smirked.  "So it can be a slayer but not touched by the higher demons as part of a plot?"

"Exactly."  He looked at the other one.

He whimpered.  "That would keep all plots and plans down about the child."  He considered it, staring at his fellow demon, who was nodding.  "Fine."  Xander grinned.  "The other one?"

"We'll see."  He kicked over a line, smirking.  "Have a nice night, guys.  Oh, D'Hoffryn, any idea on the father?"

"Your father was warped."

"I knew that."

The demon lord stared at him then smirked.  He and the other one disappeared.

Xander sat down, looking at his twin, who shuddered.  "You think?"

"I know," he sighed.  He went to call Abby to ask her check against his DNA.  She already knew the answer though.  He came out.  "Yup."  Xander got up with some help from Pooch.  "Any idea where he is?"

Xander stared at him.  "We can summon his skanky ass."

"I don't want him to know where you are," Jensen pointed out.

"What?" Clay demanded calmly.

"Abby did the DNA searching," Jensen said.  "It's ours.  Our dad's a fucking moron."

"Well, we're not identical twins so it's not a clone."

"It's still to related and we'll have health issues," Jensen said.  He was building up some good anger, which brought a young woman to stare at him oddly.  He looked at Xander, who nodded.  "Are you over something that could help me get back at my father?"

"Yes.  Why?" she asked casually.

"Our father made Xander's baby ours."

She blinked then at him.  "You're Xander's twin?"  He grinned and nodded.  "I didn't think Ethan was that sick."

"Apparently."

"Your anger is very impressive."

"Usually I'd kill a lot of people."  She hugged him.  He hugged her back.  "Can I wish that the child have a different paternal donor who would make it just as strong as we both are as well as my father being tormented because of this?"

She considered it.  "It's not two wishes when you put it that way."  She glanced at Xander.

"I *so* wish that the father of Xander's child was someone else who could make the boy as strong as we both are while my father suffers for his manipulation in the worst way possible, by making him the main person who has to run a social work group home."

"That's so evil," Xander said, beaming at his twin.  "I thought I was the evil one."

"Not hardly," Pooch said dryly.  "Will he hurt those kids?"

"Nope," she said smugly.  She cackled.  "I adore you two so much."  She pinched Jensen on the cheek, looking around.  "That's fine, we can change the parentage."  She winked at Clay.  "Not yours.  Quit stressing."  She disappeared.

"We'll do a new DNA test," Jensen said, walking closer.  Xander nodded, hugging him.  "We'll kill him later."

"Good."  He was surrounded by a silver glow so he looked up.  "Thank you."

"Welcome," a male voice called.  "It will be a good father.  Even if he would disagree."  It faded out.

Xander nodded.  "Okay.  Let me go get a drink."

"No alcohol," Jolene ordered.

"Doc said I could have two glasses a month," he countered.

She stared at him.  "Yay.  Still not good for him."

He grimaced.  "After this revelation, I really need a drink."  He walked around her, going for a beer.  "I'll stick with very light alcohol."  He went to his room to throw a fit.  They watched him come out to get his phone and walked back in there before slamming the door and starting to scream at someone.

Jensen shrugged.  "It's not a mood swing.  If you're yelling at Dad, I want some," he called.

"I'm not.  I'm talking quite reasonably with Buffy and Giles."  He was quiet for a minute then started to yell again.

Clay and the others shared a look.  "Better them than us.  I would've killed her," Clay decided.

Roque nodded.  "If I become a daddy somehow, I'll kill her myself and it'll be messy in a way I'll fucking enjoy."

"You?" Jolene snorted.  "That girl needs the hell beaten out of her by all the women who just got their special gifts taken away!"  She walked off.  "Xander, where is that menace to humanity?"

"Hiding from me before I find a way back there to kill her dumb ass.  Even the coven won't hide her this time."

Jensen went to look for her.  It was something he could easily do.  Not like she was used to covering her tracks.  They had left anything like that to Xander to handle.   "She's in London."

"London," Roque said, looking at Clay.

"I love London," he agreed.  They went to pack a bag.  "Tell us if someone gets her first," he called as they headed out to the car.

"No, no one else knows yet," Jensen said dryly.  "Remember to tell them what Dad's doing so they can't interrupt it," he called.

"Already did," Xander called back.

Pooch looked at Cougar.  "We're missing out on the ass kicking."

Cougar nodded.  "We're needed here."

"True, they'll kick her for us too."  He went to check on the baby.  His son was sucking on his thumb and looked happy.  "I hope you never have to deal with this issue, son."  He picked him up and walked him out.  Maybe he'd fall back asleep when he couldn't hear Xander quite as clearly.

"I warned Abby the old results weren't reliable any more," Jensen said.  "She'll be expecting another sample.  She was worried there'd be damage done too."  Jensen felt something and looked up.  "Xander, Clay and Roque are going to find her."

"Can't I beat her?"

"No, the rest of us want some and you'd kill her too quickly," Pooch said dryly.

"I'm not certain it'd be fast," Xander quipped.  "It's Willow's research that led to them deciding to take me."  He walked off outside, going toward the beach.  Cougar stalked him.

Pooch looked at his wife.  "I'd kill her."

"I'll kill her if I ever see her," she assured him.  "How dare she!"

Jensen looked up at her.  "Willow has a magic addiction, basically it blinds her to what she wants isn't always right.  She's feening to use it for something she considers a good idea.  Now and then it may be.  Sometimes though she thinks she has the right to take the Goddess' place.  This is one of those because she thinks that he'd get to come back if it was more normal.  Not thinking about the child being in danger or anything, which is why they made him retire, including her."  She shuddered.

"I'm pretty certain that Clay and Roque are going to make Scotland Yard look horrified."  He got back to it.  "The Wolfram and Hart stuff is finished.  Interpol's agent who was working against them is cackling in glee.  I told him about the curse and he's very happy that the baby will have a good school fund."  He got back to searching around.  "I didn't know that was them," he said, smiling.  "It ruined all sorts of evil plans.  I'm so proud of my big brother."

"He was born first?" Pooch asked.

"By about six hours.  I was stubborn."  He looked up.  "They about got to the point where they were going to cut mom to get me out.  Xander kinda slid out unexpectedly.  Fortunately we had our own placentas and water sacs."  He got back to what he was working on.  An email popped up.  "We don't have to redo the amnio.  It changed."  He read that and sighed, taking his computer outside.  "Cougar?"  He walked back up to join him.  He let him see the email.  "It changed so Abby reran it," he said quietly.

"Why?" he demanded calmly.

"It was it's choice but I was hoping it wasn't one of the team.  I was silently begging it wasn't one of the team."

The vengeance demon appeared with a smile.  "Because if it's not someone that he trusts absolutely, the child could die when he has to go handle something and he doesn't have a sitter.  Because we all know that even retired, something's going to happen around him.  That meant it was one of you and my personal thing wouldn't let me make the really violent one be the daddy.  You're a good balance against his nature.  It'd be a good idea."  She smiled.  "It doesn't mean you have to do anything."

"Real men would."

She nodded.  "He could use one of those.  And hey, you're dangerous enough for him but nice enough to be a good guy.  And you can have both twins."  She smiled and disappeared again.  "It'll save the world.  Otherwise someone will try to take the child to sacrifice it if it's Clay's."

"Excuse me?" Xander called.  She reappeared.  "Someone else wants the baby?"

"A lot of people want the baby, Xander."

"I knew that," he growled.

"Aww, a mood swing."  He was glaring now.  "If I had made the baby Clay's, someone is going to sacrifice him.  If I had made it the daddy in there's, it'd be a huge problem for his son.  Who will someday do something good for the world on the normal side.  If I made it the ultra-violent one's, the kid would be like your hyena times."  Xander shuddered.  "Therefore we needed it to be someone you'd let babysit during apocalypses. Someone you could trust.  Someone you could even come to love because you deserve it and Anya did wish that if someone enacted a wish against you that would let you find a true mate you would.  Right before she died."  Xander sniffled.  "So, yeah.  You can share him with your brother."

"I'm not boinking Cougar," Jensen said dryly.

She looked at him.  "Dumbass."  She smiled.  "I can get a higher to officiate."

"Don't you dare," Xander ordered.  One appeared and Xander pulled his dagger again.  "No.  That's his choice."

Cougar glared at him.  "What?" he asked in Spanish.  Xander explained what was going on in Spanish and he nodded, then shot both the demons.  They left.  Cougar took a deep breath.

Xander shook his head.  "He's my son no matter who the daddy may or may not be," he said calmly.  "I'm not going to make anyone help me.  I didn't plan on it anyway."  He walked off again to go back to pacing on the beach.

Jensen watched him go then looked at Cougar.  "That was a 'it's your choice and you'll have to make me agree'."

Cougar walked off to talk to him.  Apparently he wasn't going to be able to avoid the young man any more.

"Cougar, give him time to think," Jensen called quietly.  "He'll snap and bite."  Cougar looked back at him.  "Let him process."

Cougar shook his head.  He walked down to watch him, getting in his way when he came back.  "It is strange," he said in Spanish.  "I'm still bothered by the very thought."

Xander looked at him.  "I noticed you were still treating me like I'm contagious."  He gave him a look.  "I'm not going to expect anything."

"Real men...."

Xander snorted.  "I wouldn't know, Cougar.   I became the man I am today because I did a shitty job raising myself."  Cougar glared.  Xander stared back.  "Not like I had a role model or anything."  He walked around him.  "I'm not talking about this right now.  I need to yell and scream and throw things.  Or kill a few things but I can't fight with him being so damn huge.  So therefore I have to yell and scream and throw things.  I'm in no way ready to deal with a daddy or a sperm donor, whichever you decide to be.  It's going to be *days* until I'm ready to deal with that thought."

Cougar nodded, sitting down to watch him pace.  He texted Clay to let him know.  He had no idea how to calm Xander down.  Jensen finally came down and got Xander into the water, watching him swim back and forth between the cliffs instead.  "He'll wear himself out," he said quietly.

Jensen shook his head.  "He loves the water."  He sat down.  "Like I said, give him a few days before you offer to do anything or tell him how much you want involved," he said quietly.  "He will probably leave that to you.  Dawn said he probably would.  He probably wasn't planning on telling whoever the father was.  He's not going to level any expectations or needs on you.  That's going to be up to you."  He stared at him.  "I'm going to try to get him to move near my sister though."

Cougar nodded, thinking about that.  "I don't know yet."

"I know."  He gave him a shoulder nudge with a grin.  "It'll be a pretty baby and clearly is going to be a badass mother fucker."

Cougar nodded.  "Yes."  He considered what he could do and what he wanted to do.  What he had been taught to do because men were always responsible.  "She hinted at something?"

Jensen shrugged.  "The demon community thinks we'd calm each other down but it's not my thing, Cougar."

"Thank you."  Jensen grinned at him.  They watched Xander pause.

"Want help out?" Jensen called.

"Practice thing again."  He got back to swimming.

They settled in to watch.  Pooch, Jolene, and the baby came out to sit with them.  "Should he be wearing himself out?" she asked quietly.

"He'll be screaming and ranting if he doesn't," Jensen said quietly.  "Let him work it out of his system.  He knows when he's tired."  He looked at her.  "You would've beaned us if we had said something like that to you."

"Good point."  She watched.  "Xander, don't wear yourself out."

"If I don't, you guys won't get any sleep tonight while I pace and rant," he called.

She smiled.  "He gets up every two hours.  We aren't getting any anyway."  Xander paused to stare up at them.  "Really."  He groaned.  Jensen hurried out there to help him.  "Braxton-Hicks already?" she asked.  Jensen nodded, letting Cougar help him get Xander up to his shower to rinse off and then into bed.  She looked at Pooch.

"I was with you."

"True.  We can help."

"I don't think I can rub his tummy like I did yours," he said dryly, kissing her.  "It'd be a bit weird."

"He might not let you anyway."  She got up and took the baby up there.  He was hungry and trying to gnaw through her top.  Pooch followed, brushing the sand off her butt for her.  She smiled.  "You're still not getting any yet.  I'm still sore."  He grinned, putting an arm around her shoulders.

***

Jensen made a list and walked out to hand it to Pooch.  "Things that'll make him puke or not eat," he said quietly.  "Take her with you.  We can babysit."  He grinned at her opening mouth.  "Not like I'm not a bit experienced thanks to my niece."

"Good point," she said.  She kissed him on the cheek.  "He should sleep for the next hour.  Let him."  He nodded.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."   He waited until they were gone then went to find Cougar, climbing up the tree to sit next to him.  He pointed.  "There is an ancient Catholic church about twenty miles that way.  It's had people from all over the world visit.  It has two priests that have fought demons in the past," he said quietly, looking at his best friend.  "They could help you work things out."

Cougar nodded.  "That would leave you two alone."

"We've got the sprout and I'm going to give Xander some baby care lessons where he can't be embarrassed.  We have all the artillery we let him keep too so nothing is going to happen.  Go talk to someone who can help you work out your thoughts."  Cougar nodded, pulling the motorcycle out of the garage and heading off.  Jensen climbed down, going to find Xander.  He was staring at the baby, who was awake.  "He needs changed."

"I'm terrified of that problem."

"I know, Xander."  He patted him.  "Pick up the baby, put him on the padding."  He got what they needed to change him.  He showed him how to undo the outfit, getting a nod.  "Now, see how it's hitched?"  Xander frowned but nodded, making the baby fuss.  "Quit, Junior.  It's all good."  He opened the diaper.  "You want it to be really snug or it'll fall off."  He switched off with Xander so he could mentor and let Xander change his first one.

"Now, when they're older, it's said that they aim for your head.  I'm told if you drop a wipe over their tiny dicks they won't."  Xander nodded more quickly, cleaning up the mess.  "Good job.  Powder."  Xander sprinkled some.  "A bit more is okay.  You want a good coat but not too much."  Xander put the clean diaper under his butt and hitched it.  Jensen checked.  "That's a good enough job for the first time."  He grinned at him, getting one back.  "Put him back down and we'll work on the bottle stuff in a bit since I doubt you're breastfeeding."  Xander shuddered, walking off nearly crying.  "I know."  He smiled at the baby.  "Sleep, little Pooch."

Xander was stretching on the living room floor so Jensen moved to help him.  "Can we cut him out now?"

"No, not yet.  Few more months."  He smiled.  Xander slumped.  "Kicking?"

"Pain."

"Doc will be here in a few days.  We'll see what he says."  Xander nodded, working on his other side.  "Are you doing yoga?"

"No, not quite.  Just the stuff I usually do to keep flexible and mostly in patrol shape."

"If you have to push him out...." Jensen started.

Xander shook his head violently.  "He's coming out with a knife, no matter what.  If I grow a...one of those it had better go away again!"

Jensen grinned.  "I understand fully.  I wouldn't want one either."  He watched Xander's form waver then firmly go back to what it was.  He called Roque's phone.  "Someone just tried to change him into a girl."

"Us," Xander corrected.  "You got glowy too, Jensen."  He stretched forward and moaned, holding his stomach.  "Damn it, stop it, son!"

Jensen hung up.  "Shh."  He helped him flip onto his side and rubbed his stomach.  The baby fussed so he got up and brought him back to cuddle the new one.  It seemed to help.  Xander slowly calmed down.  "I have you.  You're all right.  Was that another contraction?"  Xander shook his head.  "Kick?"

"No," he moaned.  "That was spell related.  I'm going to kill her."

"Roque said that's his job."  He continued to soothe him.  "Calm down.  It's all good."  He smiled at the cooing baby.  "Isn't it?" he asked him.  Xander pulled him up to hug him.  "That's good for him.  We'll figure it out."  He kept with the rubbing because it was helping.

Xander looked at the baby.  "I should probably change that, huh?"  He got up to his knees with a groan, letting Jensen help him up fully.   He changed the baby, letting Jensen check his work.  The baby and Xander went to the couch to watch some tv while he cuddled him.  Jensen sat down as close as he could while writing emails to their sister and Dawn.  That way she could make sure the spell didn't damage them.

***

Dawn appeared in Willow's motel room, sighing at the mess.  "Guys, I need some of her blood," she announced, making them stare at her.  "She just tried to fix the whole daddy issue the hard way."

"It'd help him," Willow croaked weakly.

Clay handed her a cup from the bathroom.  "That'll work," she agreed, taking some and leaving again.  She did not want to know.  Though she did call the cops so they'd have to leave her living.

Clay and Roque finished up quickly, having to leave her living when they heard sirens.  They were back on the plane within three hours.  If she lived, she'd clearly remember their little chat.

***

Dawn popped in, making Jolene flinch.  "Easy, lady.  I'm like Xander's little sister."  She handed him a vial.  "Drink.  It'll block anyone from magicing you for the next six months."  She handed another one to Jensen.  They both drank them.  "Good boys."  She smiled and patted his belly.  "Do we have names?  I was going to get him something cute like a hoodie with his name on it."

"Not yet," he admitted.  "Soon maybe."

She kissed him on the head.  "Keep me informed, Xander.  I want pictures of him being slimy and wiggly."  She disappeared after patting the baby on the head.

"Dawn, Buffy's little sister," Xander explained.

Pooch nodded.  "It's good some of them aren't the bitches we thought."

"Dawn will destroy someone a whole lot if she thinks it's necessary."

Jensen grinned.  "Good."  He took the baby to cuddle since he was fussing.  "The Xander can't feed you like the mommy can."  He handed him over.  "We'll have to teach him how to bottle feed, Jolene."

"Yes we will.  I can pump some.  Unless you think he's going to be breastfeeding?"  Xander shuddered and curled around his stomach when the baby kicked.  "I'll pump some later."  She let Jensen work on his stomach.  "Not too hard and not there, Jensen.  You could start off labor."  He nodded, changing what he was doing.  She went to the bedroom to feed her son.  "Pooch, teach him what you learned in lamaze."

"Yes, dear."  He came over to teach the boys what he had learned.  It'd help over the next few months.

***

On his second day there, a priest sat next to Cougar.  "My son," he sighed.  "I believe your mental language is going to upset God."  He looked at him.  "Would you like to talk instead of mentally swear?"

Cougar shook his head.  "Not yet."

"All right."  He stared at him.  "Someone in the parish noted that they had seen you recently a few islands over."  Cougar nodded.  "Is that your...lifestyle?"

"I am troubled, Father, but it is truly strange."

"Hmm, yes, I figured it was when you were spotted with a member of the Council.  All the priesthood was warned if he showed up, we were to help him get holy water and talk to any girls he had to train."  He shifted.  "So why are you troubled?"  Cougar crossed himself and told him Spanish.  He blinked a few times.  "I can honestly say that I have never heard that problem before.  That has never happened to me before."

He smiled.  "But I have talked to young men who had a woman do it to them."  Cougar told him about the curse that Rosenburg tried and how Xander countered it because he couldn't stop it.  "Oh, dear."  He considered that.  "I would like to note that for the Vatican."  He sighed.  "Come to my office?  I have some nice tea.  I have some coffee," he said at the head shake.  Cougar shook his head again, looking down.  He considered the predicament.  "My son, if it was a woman who had done it without telling you, you'd be angry."

"That is one problem, I'm not.  The demon changed it without telling him."  He looked at the priest.  "I can't blame him," he said in Spanish.  "He is bothered as well."

"I figured he'd be very bothered," he agreed.  "I'd be freaked out and God would have to come down to tell me to quit swearing."  Cougar smiled slightly.  "Especially in that situation."  He sighed, looking at him.  "It is up to you.  God would not be mad if you did nothing more than acknowledge the child.  You did not make him, the mother, for lack of a better word, did not want him to come into being.  He was tortured by it and probably isn't sure about raising it."  Cougar shook his head.

"Then he's a very strong man.  Stronger than many have been.  It's a hard decision to make for those who have been assaulted."  Cougar stiffened.  "Though the father was not involved, it is up to you to decide if you want to be a father or merely another victim that was used."  He stood up.  "I will be back in an hour if you wanted to talk again.  It can only do you good."  He walked off to write down that information and send it over.  Titling the cover sheet 'council messed up' would get it to the right department.  Then he went to clean the altar area while he waited for that poor man to need to talk again.  It was a tough thing.

***

At the Vatican, one of the lesser bureaucratic priests got the fax and frowned, taking it to a tiny office down by the catacombs.  "Father?"  He looked up.  "From Malaysia."  He handed it over then fled.  Half of the priests thought that dealing with the Council would taint their souls.

The Father read the missive, frowning.  "How did that happen?"  He had a contact there and called them.  "Paul, Father Westbrook.  What curse?"  He listened to him talk about Rosenburg.  "The same one that did all those high powered magic things?"  He nodded once.  "And it was changed?"  He smiled.  "That is very kind of him since he could not end it.  Why was he involved?"  He heard and shuddered.  "That poor man.  Well, yes, I would expect someone like him to draw people like Ethan Rayne to him," he said dryly.

"His son?  Really?  That makes him even worse to have abandoned them that way.  It's good his family is helping him though.  I can bring this up but I would like an official account of each of them for our records if possible.  Is there any way to undo her wish?"  He grimaced.  "Then I suppose the counter curse was the best we could do.  Thank him for me.  Yes, if he needs the child blessed, there's two who are exorcists near where the information came from.  Please do.  Thank you.  That's the main number and I can lurk near there to freak out the younger priests who are scared.  Thank you, Paul."

He hung up and went to wait by the fax machine.  When it came out he checked he had it all on his way to the upper offices.  He bypassed the officials between him and the upper offices.  One scowled at him and tried to get in his way.  "Someone at the Council has done something serious that will cause problems," he said quietly.  "He must know."  The other man tried to complain that there were ways of passing up information to the Pope.  "It is not going to be able this time.  It will have to be hidden information."  He walked around him, knocking on the office before walking in.  "Sire," he said, bowing to him.

"Which one are you?" the Pope asked, putting down his pen.

"Father Westbrook, Your Excellence.  I have information that is very bad news from the Council."

"Is there an apocalypse battle?"

"Their head witch has lost her mind again.  That magic addiction she has fought with won her mind for a while the other night."  He handed over the two accounts.  "They could not undo it.  That's why I brought this directly to you."

He read them, sighing.  "This is real?"

"Yes, sir.  Xander Harris is also carrying one who will someday save the slayer line.  It was him who had to counter curse it."

The pope looked at him.  "Why?"  He handed over that report that had also been sent.  He read it, nodding.  "So against his will?"  Father Westbroook nodded.  "It could not be ended?"

"He said they all checked and it could not.  Mr. Harris's curse broke what he could of it and made it kinder."

"I saw."  He considered that information.  "That must be hidden."

"It will come into the news some day."

"I know.  It will cause a large panic when it does."

"Yes, Your Excellence.  That's why I bypassed people to bring this directly to you."

"That is wise.  Are they going to announce it?"

"I don't know.  You'd have to talk to Mr. Giles.  My former college roommate said that so far they had no way of undoing the original curse and the counter did leave an out for if they could cancel it."  The pope nodded, looking happier at that.  "But they have also been known to be open with the knowledge that things like magic addictions do happen to some witches.  So it would not come as a great shock that a supposed hero did something stupid."

"Is she locked away?"

"Paul said he heard some commandos who were guarding Harris went to talk to her in London.  She was in the ICU with over a thousand stitches."

"Then I'm sure God has allowed her to be cured of that demonic taint of hers."  He stared at him.  "You would have us hide this?"

"At least until someone else comes out with the information.  Then we could lay down a statement of whatever.  Because there are couples who would stoop to this because the wife was not fertile."

"There is also those who would be homosexual."

"Also true, but they have always existed, Your Excellence.  Nothing stops them from having one from their prior life before they decided to come out.  I'm told many try a normal life and find themselves miserable."

"So I have heard."  He grimaced.  "I will think on what we will do about this."

"It does have to be done with full knowledge of the mother and they must want it.  It can't be done accidentally, no teenage pregnancies sort of issue."

"Then that is at least reasonable of him.  I will decide where we stand on this.  Where do they stand on this?"

"Mostly freaking out from what Paul said."  He smiled.  "I told my former roommate which priests were near Harris in case he wishes to bless the child.  We have some former exorcists over where he is hiding."

"Why is he hiding?"

"If the child is not born healthy and does not get touched by the slayer spirit, the slayer line dies and humanity is in danger."

"Oh."

"That is why he did not terminate it when he was tortured and magiced.  Or when his own father changed it so he was not bearing a monster who would destroy the line instead, making him hunt his own offspring."

"That is kind of his father though I would worry about what else that sort would do."

"The high priest of Janus?" he asked dryly.  "I'm told he's just started a group home for runaway children and those who need to flee their homes."  He smiled.  "It was said to be another curse thanks to him doing that to his own son."

"Were my father responsible for my torture and unnatural ...issue I would be mad as well."  He smirked.  "It seems more fitting as long as he does not hurt those children."  The priest nodded.  "Do we think Harris will convert?"

"The priest who sent that information to me from Malaysia said that the demon chose a suitable father who had no knowledge of that life before having to guard the boy."  He pushed back his hair.  "He is in turmoil considering what is appropriate for him as the father and asked for advice?"

The pope considered it.  "No one would blame a man for not taking responsibility in that case, but a good Catholic would honor any child he fathered at least by acknowledging it and making sure the mother or whoever was a suitable caregiver, even if it was not financial support."

"I will tell him.  Thank you, Sire."  He bowed and left.

The pope looked out his window.  "The Council does bring such trouble," he sighed.  His aide came in.  "Read those," he said.

He read them.  "Rosenburg, Sire?"

"Yes.  She is presently in the hospital for the torture someone gave her."

"Good!"  He put them down on the desk again. "It will not be long before someone discovers this.  Perhaps within six months."  The pope nodded.  "Was there other troubling things?"

"Father Westbrook told me that one, Harris, was tortured and made to carry a child that would save the slayer line from dying," he said quietly, looking at him.

That priest shuddered.  "I do not wish to know how bad his mood swings are."  The pope cracked a smile.  "I wish him much luck.  The ones he have trained have been like family to him so I'm sure he'll treat this new one the same."

"Probably.  I would expect that," the pope agreed, smiling now.  "We must make a statement when they do about the ethical uses of this cursed gift."  He nodded.  "Father Westbrook pointed out this could help those couples that could not conceive in a natural way."

"Quite possibly."  He sat down to draft out something.  "What do you want it to say, Father?"

***

Cougar came back late the third night, feeling lighter.   The priest had given him good advice and helped him work out what he had wanted to do.  Including telling his mother everything.  His mother's screaming in joy and anger had brought everyone else in the family.  He had to explain it twice more before they quit being mad at Xander and him. It had stopped his mother's desire for a wedding as well.  Now he had to tell Xander, who was still awake.  He could hear him moving in his room.  He tapped and walked in, finding him packing.  "Trip?" he asked quietly.

"Putting up stuff I won't be able to wear for a while," he sighed, sitting down again.  "Want to go to Cleveland with Jensen and me?"

"Why?"  He sat down on the foot of the bed facing the younger man.

"Because Giles was upset that I wasn't going to automatically start some torrid romance with you and make the baby legitimate since the father was now known.  He actually told me it was teaching the younger slayers bad morals."

Cougar smirked.  "Very traditional of him."

"Yeah, especially since I had to point out the baby didn't come to be the natural method.  He cleaned his glasses for a bit and said it might be good for me and him.  So I told him it was originally my twin brother's and he freaked out until I assured him *four times* that it had been changed.   He was having _Deliverance_ flashbacks.  So he wants to meet Jensen.  He wanted to meet you as well if you wanted to show up and be threatened by all the slayers.  He was even going to try to get most of my girls in."

"Before or after?"

"After.  I put my foot down that I did not want the girls to see me fat and bloated this way.   Some of them might cry and then I would too.  Which might mean we'd be invaded by some demons who respect me.  He decided that would be bad so I had to bring the little dear back to be looked over and squealed at sometime after the birth."

Cougar nodded.   "I can.  Depending on missions."

"Giles threatened to have Jensen recruited to the Council but I let him argue with him.  Jensen went to bed with a headache and so did Giles after agreeing that wouldn't happen.  Even if Buffy did want it.  And I still have no name.  She was still grumpy that I might honor her mom.  Giles was vowing to punish me if I added his.  I have no idea.  He's going to be nameless for *years*."  He grinned.  "The nameless horror that all demons fear to feed twinkies.  Just in case he has my hyperactivity."

"Baby name site?" Cougar offered.

"Yeah, Jensen found me one that had Spanish names in case you wanted to do that."  Cougar nodded that would be fine with him.  He showed him the list.  "There's a whole lot of warrior names and I'm not sure I want to test the rule of names that way.  He might *have* to be a slayer but I'm not sure naming him a warrior before we have to will be good for him."

Cougar looked at the list.  He knew the meanings for most but a few were more obscure names.  It was alphabetized because Jensen had copied and pasted from the babynames.com site.  There were a lot of warrior names and a few that were more endearments.  "Incenio?" he asked dryly.

"I like the meaning but it'll sound like I'm casting a spell.  So I'm kinda ignoring that one and Ignacio.  Unless...."  Cougar shook his head with a smile.  "Besides, calling him fiery means he'll have a temper.  A lot of temper."

"Yahir, or Ruben?"

"Ruben would definitely fit since it means 'behold, a son'.  Ruben Mystic?"  Cougar shook his head.  "Yahir was...."

"Handsome."  He smirked.

"Hopefully he'll look more like you than me."  Cougar stared at him.  "What?" he said, backing down some.  Cougar sighed.  "I know what I look like.  I'm not a model.  Even before I was missing the eye I wasn't a model.  I was a bulky, bad haired construction worker with a really nasty after work habit."  Cougar countered him quietly in Spanish, glaring at him.  Xander slumped down.  "You need glasses."

"No, his vision is perfect," Jensen said as he walked in.  "You can't see it because there's people I need to kill for teaching you that."  He kissed him on the head and handed him the cup of tea.  "With honey," he assured him when Xander opened his mouth.  "Less caffeine but still some.  Sweet, herbal stuff that should help with the cramps."  Xander sipped it.  Jensen grinned.  "I got it ordered from some very nice Druids in England and they said it was safe for pregnant people."  He hugged him, grinning at Cougar.  "Did you like any of them?"

"Yahir."

"With all the traveling I've done, it kinda sounds like one I could've picked up anywhere," Xander admitted.

Jensen sat on the bed, looking at them.  "You should've seen the 'American' search results.  Broox."  He spelled it.  Cougar shook his head quickly.  "Yeah, that's why I stuck with Spanish, African, and I glanced at Aztec ones.  Oh, Daemyn," he said, spelling it.  "They said it meant constant and loyal."

"Sounds like an official demon title to me," Xander quipped.  He sat down with a sigh.  "We have to go to a real store soon."

"Why?" Jensen asked.

"The new underwear doesn't fit anymore either.  My butt's huge.  I'm Buttzilla."

"You are not.  You'll be too skinny when she's born because you keep forgetting to eat."  Jensen gave him a light punch on the arm. "Speaking of, want a snack?"  Xander shook his head quickly, covering his mouth.

Cougar stared at him.  "My mother had an idea," he said, getting up to look at things in the kitchen.  He came back with a slight sandwich.  Xander stared then at him.  "It's things you have wanted to eat but it also has a pickle on the side.  My mother said she needed pickles when she had me but not the girls," he explained in Spanish.  Xander tried it, and ate a bigger bite.  Jensen beamed at Cougar.

"Marmalade, peanut butter, and bacon," Xander told Jensen with a grin.  "He's great."

"He is a great friend."  He hugged his brother.  "Eat and then we'll look at the underwear issue."  Xander nodded, eating the pickle too.  That went really well together.  Jensen didn't watch him eat.  Cougar handed over something he had reserved, making Xander moan at the green, slimy looking sauce.  That went really well with the sweet pickle.  "Rhubarb?" Jensen guessed.  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Sure.  It's good for both of you."  He looked at Cougar.  "Got any opinions on the names?"

Cougar went over the names, shrugging.  "Chakotay?  Indian?"

"Star Trek Voyager," the brothers said and grinned at each other.

"Is not Dru a female name when a 'u' is used?" he asked quietly.

"Not always," Xander admitted.  "Though, go ahead and strike that off.  I don't want anyone to think I'm naming him after her."

Jensen shuddered, finishing by shaking his head.  "She comes back we have *got* to stake her."

"Argue with Spike," Xander said dryly.

"Who would name their son 'Dude'?" Cougar asked.

"Jesse," Jensen said quietly.  Xander nodded, looking sad.  "I found Gattaca as a name," he told Xander.

"So someone really liked that stupid movie?" Xander asked.

"I did not," Cougar said.  Roque walked in scowling.  "Names?"

"It's not mine; I don't have to name it."

"You scowl at my nephew and I'll have you giving oral sex to your knives," Jensen assured him plainly, staring at him.  "Even if I do have to talk someone like Dawn into helping."  Roque walked off shuddering.  Cougar swatted him on the head.  "I would!"

"That's a bad thought," Xander said.  "That'd really have to hurt with the type of knives with the serrated side.  Or the one he took of mine."  He shrugged.  "There's a few I'd like to do that to."

Cougar shuddered, shaking his head.  "Not pleasant."  He went back to the names.  It was a good sign that Xander as asking for his opinion.  "Jase?"

"After the drag queen triplet in _Hercules_?" Jensen asked, looking at his brother.  Who shook his head.  "Better than Pooh.  That was a suggestion on the list."

"I don't need drugs quite that much," Xander said dryly.  "As much as I like Pooh, no."  Cougar shook his head quickly.

"Shrek was also on the list," Jensen said dryly.

"My kid's going to be enough of an ogre without naming him one."

"I found Spike and Ryker on the list too," Jensen offered.  Xander considered those then shook his head.  "Studs?" Jensen teased with a grin.

"He will be more than I am," Xander quipped back.  Jensen gave him another nudge.

Clay walked in.  "Boys, you should be in bed."

"What do you think of the name Tavorian?" Jensen asked with a grin.

"I think the kid's going to be stuck up and confused about spelling it.  Bed.  All of you need to rest.  You can find more names tomorrow."

Xander spotted one.  "Xadrian."

"It says 'created name'," Cougar said, turning the laptop so he could see.  "Xadrian Yahir?"

Xander considered it, writing that down.  "Harris?"

"Alvarez," Cougar said firmly, staring at him.

"Settle this tomorrow," Clay ordered.

Xander stared at Cougar.  "I'm not marrying you.  I barely know you."

Cougar nodded.  "Fair enough."  He smirked.  "He will carry my last name."

"Hyphenated?" Jensen suggested.  "Harris-Alvarez or Alvarez-Harris?"  Cougar shook his head.  Xander was grimacing.  "We'll talk about this tomorrow."  Cougar nodded, getting up and taking the plate back.

"Thank you for making me a snack, Cougar."  He smiled and nodded before leaving.  Xander moved the laptop and laid down, letting Jensen fuss at him.  "I'm okay," he said finally.

"Good!"  He walked off, Clay following.  Pooch was up with Jolene, walking the baby.  Jensen took him to hold, cooing in his ear.  "Such a good boy."  He rocked with him, making him a happier baby.  "Xadrian Yahir."

"It's pretty," Jolene said with a smile.  She took her son back.  "Thank you, Jensen."  She walked him back to bed, putting him back down.

"Yahir?" Pooch asked quietly.

"It means handsome in Spanish," Jensen said with a grin.

"Oh!" he nodded.  "Any decision on the last name?"

"Working on it now."

"Remember, he may have to justify the baby having a different last name," Pooch said quietly.  "People like Customs agents would give him funny looks."

"Talk to Cougar.  He wanted the baby to have his."  He walked around him with a grin.  "It's getting so close and I'm really getting excited."

"Are we doing a nursery?"

"He's not sure yet.  He might still want to do some traveling."  Jensen looked back and shrugged.  "He'll be really bored here most of the time and it'll be a few years before he can start training the sprout."

"What he does is dangerous," Pooch reminded him.

"He knows.   He's not sure yet."  He went to his room, watching Cougar get ready to bed.  "I'm going to be a nosy little brother.  Do I need to prepare myself for some serious wooing?"  Cougar gave him an odd look.  Jensen stared back.  "If it was your sister?"

"I'd have killed him if he didn't propose," he admitted.  He laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling.  "I am still thinking on that."

"That's what I wanted to hear.  Because Anya was probably the more normal and happiest relationship he's ever had," he said more quietly.  "And I'd hate to torture you horribly before I kill you in a way that would mean no identification if you hurt him."  Cougar smiled at him.  "Not kidding."

"I know."  He went back to staring at the ceiling.  He had a plan to put into motion.  He needed to know if Xander wanted him closer or not.  If he wanted a proposal or would turn one down.  He didn't even know what Xander's middle name was.  Or if Xander knew what his proper name was.  They had a few months to work that out though.  Jake would help him because he wanted his brother happy.

***

A young brunette woman showed up the next morning, staring at the men at breakfast.  "Have to step in here to give a 411."

"Cordelia?" Jensen asked.  He grinned when she nodded.  "Xander said you two had dated and you helped with all the slaying stuff.  Did you die?"

"Yup, from the visions.  Thankfully his are given by a different source," she said when Jensen opened his mouth.  "You know, I always thought Xander was going to be the bigger geek.  Proved me wrong."  She looked at Cougar.  "The 411 concerns you.  If you take one, you take them both."  Jensen and Clay both started to protest so she held up a hand.

"I am the *Messenger* for the Powers That Be," she said firmly, staring at Jensen, who shuddered.  "Yeah, major suckage.  Your daddy only took a day to realize the lesson you wanted him taught by making him run a group home."  Jensen smirked evilly.  "So he got sneaky and asked a different higher up, one who adores Xander, to make sure *both* his boys were happy.

"If he takes one of you and not the other, that one will be dead," she finished slowly and clearly, staring at Jensen, then at Cougar.  "They're twins, even fraternal twins are linked somewhat from all that sharing of space.  Even these two.  Maybe especially these two.  So, Jake Jeremiah Jensen, Deal or No Deal?"  She faded out.

Cougar sipped his coffee.  His mind was running like a dog chasing his tail and there was no way for him to stop it without more information.  "What could he have done?"

"It's gotta be a curse," Jensen said.  "Can it be undone?" he called.  No answer.  He pulled a laptop over to write Dawn.  She'd know.  "I'm asking Dawn since she knows more about magic than most people think and she's a great researcher."  He looked at Cougar.  "I have no clue yet," he admitted.  Cougar nodded at that honesty.  "If it was our father, the patricide will take *months*."

Xander came out yawning.  "I thought I heard Cordy."

"You did," Clay said, looking at him.

"He did it again," Jensen said.  Xander stopped scratching and rubbing his stomach to stare down the table at him.  "Apparently we're both to be happy or whichever one isn't will die."

"I'll kill the fucker," he muttered.

"Not in front of the baby," Jolene said.

"Sorry, baby," he said, looking at his stomach.  "I'll try to stop swearing as much."  Pooch snickered, shaking his head.  Jolene pointed at her son.  "Oh, I didn't see him.  Sorry, baby Pooch."  He poured himself some tea that Jensen handed down.  "Same stuff?"

"Yup," he promised with a grin.  Cougar handed down the honey and the other things he had put on the table, making Xander moan and fix his Jake Pancakes with the good stuff his baby liked.

"What is your middle name?" Cougar asked.

"Lavelle.  I found out later the donor named me after one of his first teachers, who was very creepy and died because some father caught him teaching his son chaos magic in bed.  Lavelle Portier."  He rolled his eyes.  "Personally, I hated the name even before I knew that."

"Do the others know that?" Jensen asked.

"I can't swear that Willow remembers my middle name."

"Huh."  He nodded and they got to eat.  "Still like the name?"

"Yup."  He smiled at Cougar.  "Thank you for spoiling me."

"De nada."

"No, it's huge to me.  Thank you."  Cougar smiled and nodded.  Xander dug in, inhaling his food for the first time in months.

Jensen's phone rang.  "Yuppers," he answered.  He listened.  "Xadrian Yahir We're-arguing-over-the-last-name, Dawn.  Yeah, spelled like that.  It's Spanish.  Any idea on that curse?"  He listened to her babble, grimacing.  "You're absolutely sure?  And who agreed?"  He nodded once.  "Thank you.  No, he's eating, finally.  No, he's too thin but the baby's been making him sick.  Thanks, Dawn, and I'll pass on that hug."  Xander waved his fork since his mouth was full.  "He sent one back by fork sign language."  He grinned.  "You too."  He hung up.  "Dad actually went to a Higher *good* power."

"The Powers That Be?" Xander asked between bites.

Jensen, being the nicer twin, waited until he had swallowed.  "A fallen angel who took it to his coworkers."  Xander choked a bit anyway and Cougar helped him.  "Yeah, basically," he agreed dryly.  "That also works well with Hell's plans to keep us from taking over.  Apparently the Fallen One agreed it wasn't as nice of a future and they'd have to adapt more, which might cause problems.

"They're already causing fussing over tech toys and those sort of things.  They threatened to throw everyone with a computer out of heaven."  He smiled.  "So we'd definitely have to take over then.  But if we're happy there's a side-step they can use to put us somewhere nice and pleasant with the family so we can't get either side for causing problems."

Xander considered that.  "That's going to suck majorly.  What if we don't have the same tastes in dates?  I mean, you'd probably hate my dangerous woman addiction."

Cougar stared at him.  "She came to talk to me, Xander."

Xander gave him an odd look.  "Huh?"  Jolene pushed the tea closer so he sipped it to hopefully clear his head.  He got up to get some soda and came back, sipping it while staring at him.  "Am I totally missing a clue here?"

"Yes, you damn well are," Cordelia yelled.  She reappeared, smirking at him.  "They said if you ever even *think* about taking over hell again, that single will suddenly become twins and one may be reborn hell spawn."

"Sure, make me go let out some rage," he said with a sweet smile, making her shudder.  "Anything else they wanted to try?"

"No.  Just that and it wasn't us."

"I didn't hear them protesting."

"They're not.  They think you two doing that one will be good for humanity and you guys.  Kinda like a built in reward for everyone."  She smiled and tried to fade but he stopped her.  "How are you doing that?" she asked casually.

"How do you think Willow suddenly got supercharged?" he countered.  She looked up to find that out then gave him the most horrified look ever.  "Apparently it's a brunette thing," he said bitterly.  "I've kept it blocked for *years* until the hormone swings."  He sipped his soda.  "It is up to him to see if he wants one or both of us, and us to agree.  He might not be able to put up with my insane life.  Or the baby being fussy and bouncy.  Beyond that, that would probably screw up Jensen's team's dynamic."

"Um, maybe, but the higher ups were thinking about giving them to the Council since you're still second-in-command."

"Then you'd think they'd pay my ass," he said dryly.  She laughed nervously.  "What was it that Caleb said before he popped my eyeball?  Oh, yeah, he who sees everything sees too much because no one else sees anything."  He stared at her.  "I do have that curse left.  I am at the creative moment in my present mood swing."  He smiled sweetly.  "Take off the damn curse before I come up there."

"That would endanger the baby," she said, sounding nervous.

"He's viable now.  They can take him out, put him in a NICU unit, all that.  He'll be just fine and I'm pretty damn sure his daddy, who had no choice in the matter, can train him pretty well to kick ass.  I already even have a will drawn out," he said dryly, finishing his soda.  He stared at her.

"Let me talk to them, Xander."  She rubbed her forehead.  "Hey, those are easier now."

"There's days I'd like that," he said dryly.

"No can do.  Yours come from a completely different source."  She looked at him.  "It's up to him to make that choice.  If he doesn't take in both of you...  Then you'll live but you're both going to be miserable.  Better?"  She tried to disappear.  Xander smirked.  "Oh, come on!"

"I can put you in a little capturing thing," he offered.  "I know I have one somewhere."

"Eww!  It's probably dusty and had a succuba in it the last time.  That way you could train the girls in what they were and you could have cheap, tawdry sex."

"I never slept with a succuba, that's a rumor," he quipped.  He was still smirking and staring at her.

She slumped, sending that up to them.  "Fine, there's a few other choices.  Even outside his team.  Okay?  Good enough?  You won't curse everyone to death or anything?"

Xander stared at her.  "So I can still curse them all to feel my expansion and practice contractions?"  She shuddered.  "I think that's fitting."

"I think you need a nap," Cougar said.

"That's a really good idea," she assured him with a manic grin.  "Please?  Like right now?"

Jensen coughed, shaking his head.  "Hell no you're not getting free while that curse is going on, woman.  Do we look dumb?"

"Do you really want me to comment on the ugly shirt and the bad haircut?  That's how I knew you two were twins the first time I saw you."  Xander growled.  "Oh, no!  You leave her inside, Xander Harris!"  She backed away.  He got up to sniff at her, making her shiver.  "Please?" she whimpered.

Xander pulled her back against his chest, sniffing her neck again.  "Hmm.  Used to be part of the pack."  He sniffed her again.  "Still scent marked but the dead penis apparently tried too."  She let out another nervous laugh.  "We can go talk to them."

"No way in hell.  They'll kill my pretty ass and that's a waste of beauty."  She looked back at him.  "Let go."

He smirked and nibbled on the spot behind her ear.  "My pack."

She whimpered.  "Jensen, help?"

"You pissed him off," he reminded her.  She went limp when he went back to nibbling and scent marking her neck.  "Xander, please let the dangerous thing go so she can negotiate that curse so it's solved," he said, sounding polite.  "You have to talk to Cougar about pack stuff."  Xander gave her one hard bite, making her shiver and moan, leaning against his chest.  He licked over it then let her go, walking over to sniff at Cougar's hat before sitting down.

"No sedatives," Clay warned.  "They're bad for the baby."  Cordelia had disappeared to warn the higher ups.  Clay was watching what Xander did.  He did sniff breakfast then Cougar then breakfast again before eating. When he was done, Jensen got up and walked over, taking Xander with him to nap in the sun outside.  He apparently liked that idea.  "What the fuck?" he demanded quietly.  Jolene swatted him too.  "He's too young to recognize words," he said dryly.

Cougar shrugged.  "No clue," he said in Spanish.

Clay scowled.  "I don't like that idea."  Cougar shook his head.

Jensen leaned in.  "She just called my phone.  The higher ups will relent as long as Xander gives up his last owed major curse.  Before everyone has to suffer or he becomes Rosenburg."  He went back to the hammock they had found in a closet and put up.  Xander was napping again.  Jensen curled up next to him, considering things.  "You'd think angels would be against incest," he said when he heard someone come out.

"You'd think, yeah," Roque said dryly.  "Maybe they're kinky that way or there's a twin exemption."  He stared at him.  "She said it's undone but still the preferable one.  I think he cast out that curse so they'd have to leave the baby and the rest of your insane family alone."

"They can get Dad for all we care," Jensen said dryly.  "We will be."  Roque smirked.  "It's so going to make cops puke and cry by the time I get done and then Xander can have him."

"I'm meaner," Xander muttered.  "And better at knife work."

"Whatever.  Nap, Xander."  Xander shifted to face the other direction and slightly drifted off again, just dozing.  Roque left them alone so the kid could sleep.   "I can't sleep with him lurking either," Jensen said quietly, patting Xander's shoulder.  He saw something appear on the road and got up to look at it. "Xander?" he called.  "Roque, we need one of you who can do things."  Roque came hurrying out.

Xander woke up with a yawn, walking over to look at the bomb.  He cut two wires and yanked another out with the power source.  He handed that off and went back to his hammock and nap.  "I'll kill the fucker later."

"Sure," Jensen agreed, nodding quickly.

"This is too huge and it'll have to be disposed of," Roque muttered.  "That's a dirty bomb."

Xander sighed and went to get his phone, calling someone.  "Ashelle, Xander.  Yes, I'm still okay.  Someone decided to send the baby a running bomb for a baby present.  Dirty.  Malaysia, yeah.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "She'll get someone she trusts locally to do that."  He laid back down, his phone going beside his head.

Jensen came up to get it.  "I'll take it if she calls back, Xander."  He leaned in.  "The bomb's disarmed."

"What bomb?" Clay demanded.  He followed him out.  "What the fuck?"

Roque looked up.  "A very nasty baby present."  He held up the card.  "He thought Xander would turn it off and shrink it."

"Mother fucker needs to be shot," Clay muttered.  "Is it disarmed?"

"As far as we can tell.  It's not running and Xander did it," Jensen said.

"Good!"  He walked back inside.  "Pooch, take Jolene and the baby and go shopping until we can get that bomb cleared out of here."  She nodded, taking her husband to do that.  He looked at Cougar, who still looked calm.  "Trying to think?"

"It's not working."  He shook his head.  "My madre will yell," he muttered.  Little did he know that Cordelia had already went to talk to his mother.  Who had indeed screamed until she heard why.  She liked Jake.  She'd probably like Xander too she decided.

***

An hour or so later, Roque looked up as the gates opened and someone in a pickup truck drove in.  "Did someone call you?" he asked politely.

"Yes, the little slayer in Libya called," he said dryly.  "My sister is unreasonably dumb.  People don't send Xander bombs, they hand them to him when he kills them."  Roque held up the card.  "Stupid prick, wasn't he?"  He got out.  "Where is Xander?  I heard he's hiding out here."

"Xander?" Clay called from the porch.  Xander snorted and woke up, getting up carefully and walking over there.

The man from the truck stared at him, mouth slightly open.  "How in the hell?" he demanded.

"Wolfram and Hart," he sighed.  "Two more months!" he said with a mock cheerful grin.  "I disarmed it the easy way."

"I can see that."  He was still staring at the moving stomach.  "Does my sister know?"

"They all know."  He grinned.  "They're going to see him once he's born."

"Him?  I heard there was a problem baby...."

"No, he's a slayer."  The other guy's mouth flopped open.  "Basically.  The line's protected as long as he's touched by the spirit and he's already active.  That's why he keeps bruising me."  He rubbed the moving lump.  "Stop it, son.  You don't need to show off."  The guy hesitantly reached out to pat him, getting kicked.  He whimpered.  "Which is why I was forcibly retired to here."

He looked at him.  "You hid all the weapons, right?"

"We took two-thirds of them away from him," Clay said, walking over.  "We left him things he might need and the rest is being kept by some agents who know about the Council and won't interfere."

"Even better!  My mother's mood swings nearly got us all killed by a baseball bat."

Xander snickered.  "I'm going pouty but not that mean.  Well, except for on Cordelia earlier."

"She...."

"Messenger duty."

"Oh.  Poor thing."  He looked at the bomb.  "Anything else you conveniently found?"

"No I think the rest of the stuff we've found are baby presents," Xander admitted with a grin.  He shuddered.  "Think how I feel, man."

"I can only imagine.  All right, let me get this back to the office."  Roque handed over the note.  "Did you need to know who to kill for sending a running bomb?"

"No, it was Jacob."  Roque nodded that was the name on the bomb.

"Who is Jacob?" Clay asked.

"A former playmate out of Russia.  He's just recently finished his operation to change over from being Jannie."  He grinned.  "He's a nice guy.  He knows now and then I need a huge bomb."

The other guy nodded.  "Yeah but not if you're retired."  He and Roque got the bomb into the truck and they let him drive back to the office.  He walked in to look at his boss.  "That slayer gifted child we heard about?  Xander Harris is carrying it himself."  His boss whimpered.  "The bomb was a baby present from a friend."  He smiled.  "He's got two more months left."

"How is a man pregnant?"

"Witches like Rosenburg."  His boss shuddered again.  "Anyway, we have a dirty bomb made by a Russian transexual that recently finished his operations."

"Is Harris no longer a normal man?"

"I have no idea but the baby was quite active and he said it's already a slayer."

"Poor thing.  How is it getting out?"

"He has a commando team with him to protect him."

"Good!"  He shook his head.  "Let's get that bomb.  Is it fully disarmed?"

"Xander ripped some of it out."

"Even better."  They went to get the bomb.  They hadn't seen one of that particular design before so they made good notes and diagrams from it.  "Do we know the maker?"

"Xander called him Jacob, but he used to be Jannie?"

He looked that name up.  "Jannie Malask.  Huh."  He put that down and they destroyed what they could.  "His other supplies?"

"The commandos took them and gave them to the US government."

"That's reasonable I suppose."  He went to get drunk, taking his favorite worker with him because he clearly needed the mind numbing effects as well.

***

Cougar looked over as Xander's phone rang.  He answered it.  "Xander's phone."  He blinked a few times.  "How did you get his number?" he demanded.  He leaned back, listening to his sister tell him what had happened that day.  He swallowed.  "We are working to cancel that curse," he said quietly in Spanish.  He nodded.  "That does surprise me, yes.  Mama would normally scream and swat."  He looked confused, he felt confused, but Jolene was grinning at him.  "My sister looked up Xander's number."  He went back to listening to her complain and plot.  "We do not know yet," he said firmly.  "No plotting."

Jensen snatched the phone.  "Hi, Maria."  He walked off chatting with her about his big brother.  Xander was on the beach taking a walk while complaining at his stomach with Pooch watching him so they could do this behind his back.  He heard what Cordelia had told them.  "No, it's been lessened at the least."  He kept walking, listening to her.  "I know.  He just found out what his middle name was this morning, Maria."

He grinned at Cougar.  "Your mother said there already should've been a wedding?"  Cougar nodded, tipping his hat down some.  "We're seeing if they can be more than tolerable to each other, Maria.  Though he was sweet enough to finally find a way to get Xander eating again.  Yes, I'm certain it'll be fine.  We have to bring the baby to Cleveland about a month after he's born, we can stop in so your mother can see the baby too."  Cougar gave him a strange look.

"She demanded, Cougs."  He grinned.  "That'll work.  No, right now we're working on thank you notes for baby presents.  No, some of them will take secret mail pathways since he knows some arms dealers and people like that.  One of them sent the baby a bomb for a present so Xander could use it later for the Council."  He grinned at Cougar.  "Your mother said an appropriate present was a blanket or clothes, not a bomb."  He went back to chatting with her.  He was diffusing some of the female anger issues going on because that they hadn't done the 'proper' thing yet.  This way none of them would be bitched at.

Jolene took the phone to talk to her.  She and Maria had conspired in the past to get the boys' leave time.  She told her about Xander, who she did like after getting to know him.  They'd probably like the boy too.

Pooch walked in with him.  "He's got weird cravings and I'm not sure why."

"I told you it was a blood clot from a bloody nose earlier, not snot," Xander complained.  "It wouldn't come out any other way."

"Then you wipe it off, kid."

"If it's blood, it's no different than sucking on a paper cut," Jensen told him.  "It's recycling it into the body again."  Pooch shuddered.  "When did you have a bloody nose earlier?"

"Shower.  I blew my nose."  He sat down, looking at his phone.  "One of the girls?"

"My sister looked up your number to nag at me," Cougar said dryly.  Xander patted him on the arm.  He looked at him.  "Cordelia visited."

Xander grimaced.  "I'm sorry they got sucked into the freaky stuff, Cougar."  He shrugged and shifted on the couch.  Jolene finally hung up.  "Are they okay?  Did she scare them?"

"No.  She said Cordelia made you sound sweet and geeky, dear."  He smirked.  "They want to meet you and him when you go back to Cleveland to show him off."

"We can pop around there if Cougar wants," he said, looking at his baby daddy.

Cougar nodded.  "Mama will kill me if I don't," he said in Spanish.  Clay snickered, nodding at him.

Roque was staring outside.  "Guys, we have people at the gate that aren't coming in."

Xander went to the garage.  He handed over spare guns and clips, loading his own.  "Not like there's not people against the Council."  He waited inside, with Jolene and Pooch.  The baby was carefully hidden with her to keep him quiet.  Xander heard the gunshot and winced.  "That wasn't one of yours.  It was too low caliber."  Pooch moved but someone tried to storm the house.  Xander shot them.  And then a head shot because of the body armor.  "Fat chance, dude."

"Someone wants to talk to you to see how you did that," the guy behind him said smugly.

Xander shot him.  "Willow made sure he can do it on his own now.  Tell him he has to want it."  He smirked and shot the others.  One made it in there and tried to take him hostage.  He wasn't moving as smoothly as before.  They managed to grab him around the throat and put a gun to his head.

"I'll kill him," he warned.

Xander struggled.  "Damn extra weight," he muttered.

"Quit or you're both dead," he sneered.  "Our boss wants to know how you did that."

"Rosenburg made sure he can do it on his own now.  She cursed all men able to do it."  He shifted and threw the guy finally then stomped on him.  His hitting was weaker than usual but he got his point across when he made the guy sorry to be alive.  He took the gun and disarmed it, tossing it on the couch.  "You'd better not have hurt my brother, mother fucker.  I can and will do things that will make your life so fucked up angels will fucking beg for mercy and so will demons."

He kicked him then grabbed a knife off Roque before leaning down.  That made him dizzy so he knelt on the guy's chest, making him try to breathe and fail.  "Who sent you?"  The man gasped.  He shifted his weight and started to draw pretty abstract patterns with the knife.  He pressed in really hard just once.  "I can do this for fucking hours and the baby likes it, he's making happy kicks and wiggles."  He smirked.  "Who sent you?"  He didn't get an answer so he moved up to the neck.  The guy started to shout but Xander kept going.  "You might wanna tell me, dickhead."

"They'll save me," he shouted.

"Not from where I can send you," he assured him smugly, staring into his eyes.  "Who sent you?"  He kept going.  The man screamed when it reached his face.  He kept screaming until he finally spit out a name.  Xander called something out and poured it over him.  The scars glowed in the ink, making him scream and writhe because it burned.  "Never touch me, my girls, or my family ever again," Xander said, making the man stare at him.  "Next time I start lower.  Am I clear?"  He nodded, gulping air.

"I will make demons beg for your treatment's pain to end," Xander murmured, leaning closer.  "Rosenburg made him able to do it too.  It has to be intentional, it has to be with full knowledge, and he has to take it up the ass.  Unlike the spell that caused mine.  If you can escape to tell him that, you share that information."  He got helped up by Cougar.  "Thank you."  He looked at himself.  "I should clean up before Jolene sees.  I'll mop that part of the floor in a minute.  Clay, want him to run and tell mommy or not?"

He looked.  "Letting him be a messenger is suitable but we'd need to see who it was."  Xander shrugged, heading to clean up in his room.  He looked at Jensen, who was scowling at his brother's back.  "How?" he mouthed.  Jensen shrugged.  "Roque, let's give him a lift back."

Roque nodded, hauling him up to walk him out.  All the scars were sealed and now blackened.  It looked like it had hurt a lot.  "He's not too bad.  I would've started lower and moved up.  More fun."

"This way's more noticeable," Clay said.  "You can see it even when he doesn't have a shirt on.  Thankfully facial tattoos aren't all that uncommon today.  I wonder if we open one will the stuff come out."  He cut one and no, blood came out.  "Pity."  He got him into their car, taking him back home.  Roque followed in theirs.  The guy was shaking and weak in the trunk for now.  He'd make a great message.

Jensen went to find Xander in the shower.  "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine.  Thank you for asking."  He scrubbed off his back with the brush.

"How did you learn to do that?"

"Spike told some *great* stories, which I then used in Africa when I lost my temper.  I'm sorry you guys had to see that."

"Been there, done that, Xander," Jensen said quietly, earning a dirty look.  He gave him a hug, getting swatted weakly for it.  "Hush."  He kissed him on the forehead.  "It's all good."  He cuddled him.  Xander got free and went back to his shower.  Jake grinned.  "You didn't scare us.  We were wondering.  You usually seem like the nice sort."

Xander looked at him.  "I'm sure they felt the same way about you when you broke out in badass that once."

"Yeah, a whole lot actually."  He watched Xander finish up and then dry off, rubbing the moving lump of baby.  "Calm down.  I know it was a lot of adrenaline but still.  Please?"  The baby kicked really hard and he rubbed the area, making him calm down.

"Thank you," Xander murmured, resting his forehead against his twin's shoulder.

"That's what brothers do, Xander."  He gave him a hug.  "Go get dressed.  You're too skinny and it shows.  Mama Alvarez is going to feed you to death if she sees you like that."   He snorted but went to put on shorts and a t-shirt.  "No underwear?"

"Doesn't fit."

"Even if you put the band under the belly of doom?"

"Then they fall off.  I don't have any of my old strippers thongs so no, no panties."

"You wore a thong?"

"Yeah, I stripped on my roadtrip and then a few times afterward for some extra cash," Xander said with a smirk.

"Huh."  He shrugged.  "Cool.  Teach me?"

"Maybe."  He walked out with him, going to find the mop but Cougar had it.  "It's my mess, I can do that."

"Sit," he ordered.  Jensen tried to take it but he glared.  "Sit."  They sat down, Jensen cuddling but Xander looking relaxed.  Cougar watched.  Jake was still trying to force his way closer again and Xander was ...almost comfortable but still a bit tense.  Pooch was calming Jolene down.  They'd handle this.  Even if he did have to go through Xander's entire book of contacts to warn them off the mother of his son.  Clay and Roque had looked like they'd agree to help him convince the ones that didn't need shot.  He glanced at the brothers again.  Xander was sitting in a position that didn't leave Jensen much cuddling ability but he looked casually sprawled.  Cougar put up the mop once he was done and came out to take Xander's other side.  Jensen shot him a quick grin because it made Xander shift away from him and back toward his brother.

Xander finally looked at him.  "Are you sick?"

"I cuddle when I'm not sick."

"I don't."

Jensen hugged him.  "That's okay.  I'll remind you how to relax too, Xander."   Xander slowly shook his head.  "Yes it will."

"No it won't.  That's why I can't sleep with people."

"Breaking that will help your retiring thing," Jensen said.

Xander snorted.  "I doubt I'll ever fully retire.  Things will still happen around me that need to be handled.  There's always going to be girls who need training somewhere rural that the senior girls couldn't handle.  Hell, half of them can't figure out how to get to another country, even if it's just driving to Canada.  We've had a few that got stopped by Customs for being idiots.  Like valley girl idiots.  One of them told the Customs guy that she was going overseas to destroy an evil despot intent on world domination.  Then showed him her hidden weapons."  Jensen winced at that, shaking his head.  "Yeah.  Which is why I've been on six continents since Sunnydale fell in.  We haven't found one in Antarctica yet."

Jensen gave him a nudge with his shoulder, smirking.  "Even then, you can't jump in like you used to.  You're going to have to be more of a general and less of a foot soldier."  Xander grimaced.  "Unless you're giving him up for adoption?"

"No," he said weakly.  "But there's no one else who can do that.  Hell, Buffy didn't even want to hear about an upcoming apocalypse battle because it was at a bad time for her."

Jensen grinned.  "Then you train someone to take your place.  We can start talking to some of our buddies who want to retire.  Special Ops should be good enough base training, right?  Then learning demons?"

"Yeah.  But they'd still need to know blades."

"I know.  You can train them in that."  Xander relaxed, liking that idea.

"You said once you'd be starting a firm for research and training," Cougar agreed.  He could see both sides and knew that Xander was not ready to retire and having to constrain himself was going to upset him a lot of the time.

"Good point.  We need to train the new Watchers too.  Because they suck."

"All people suck when they first start out," Pooch said as he walked past them.  "It's training that fixes that."

"No, half of them are genocidal because that was the official line for years," Xander told him.  Pooch shuddered.  "The present Council is not.  If they would actually learn from things or experiences, they might agree but they don't.  The other day on the bulletin boards, one was complaining, actually complaining, that a demon saved his life by healing a life threatening injury."  Pooch and Cougar both shook their heads.  "I wisely pointed out he should have thanked him for saving him, since he was going to die, and if he ever disrespected another peaceful being, especially one helping him, I was going to jump so far down his throat he was going to be pissing my feet for *months* on end.  Buffy was on there and agreed but reminded me I was retired."  He smirked.

"Your slayer needs sense," Jensen said dryly.  "A lot of sense."

"She's not my slayer," he said dryly.  "Most of *my* slayers have sense, common and otherwise.  Buffy lost hers somewhere in a mall apparently."

Jensen snickered.  "She can't be that bad."

"She has her serious days and she has her seriously braindead and airhead days," Xander told him.  "Sometimes she forgets that the airhead is an act to throw off the demons."

"I think everyone has those days," Jensen said with a grin.  "Even us."

"Yeah, but she takes it a bit too far.  All the way to asking if she could wear a certain outfit during a battle because the demons were going sickened by humans having sex, their reason for attacking us, and she agreed that was a good plan."

"Who wears a skirt into a battle outside the Scots?" Pooch asked, looking confused.

"Buffy's slayers," Xander told him with a small shrug.  "Mine all wear practical things.  Sometimes native dress, which might mean a skirt, but it's one they can hunt, climb, and fight in.  Buffy's made wearing fashionable clothes into a battle an artform.  I had to assure more than half of my girls they weren't expected to dress like her.  That reminds me, I need to check on the one I trained in Saudi.  Buffy nearly cried over what she considered appropriate clothes."

"Full veil set and outer robe?" Pooch guessed.  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Yeah, that might be hard to fight in."

"We had hers tailored so she could move easier and conceal more weapons.  We had a lot of long talks with her family's mosque, her family, all that.  Took a while to get them to accept things.  Mostly because a demon showed up to propose to her and horrified half of them."  He grabbed his phone off the table and put it on speaker.  The screen was a bit icky.  "Is Mel there please?"

"Who are you to call my wife such an informal name?" the sneering voice that answered demanded.

"I'm her trainer.  Now please put Mel on the phone."

"I do not want you to call again," he sneered.  "My wife does not need you."  He hung up.

Xander smirked, calling back.  "Let me reintroduce myself, I'm Council Member Harris, her slayer trainer," he said at the 'hello'.  "You will put my slayer on this damn phone within thirty seconds or I will show up to prove her father made a very bad choice when I blow up your whole family, down to the pets, the goats you fuck, and your cousins.  Am I clear?" he asked more firmly.

"Xander!" a female voice shouted and came closer.  "My husband is sorry, Xander.  He is not perfectly comfortable with my duty and destiny."

"I can see if Artuk's still available," he offered with a grin for the phone.

"Please don't.  My father nearly died of the stress.  Are you all right?  We heard you had partially retired."

"I'm okay.  Have you been on the bulletin boards recently?"

"No.  Our internet is off in the Kingdom.  Why?"

"You heard about the child that would make sure the slayers stayed strong?"

"I did.  Dawn sent out a notice that you were with the mother."

"I am the mother," he said dryly.  "Chaos sorcerers and Wolfram and Hart."

"Isn't that against Allah's laws?" she asked, sounding confused.

"Hey, talk to Willow, dear.  She did something so *all* men can join me."

"Oh, dear.  Is she to be hunted?  I heard she was in Qatar on a business trip."

"I'm surprised she's out of the ICU already," Xander said dryly.  "Some of my brother's team went to have a talk with her."

"Should I hunt her down?"

"I don't know what Giles is going to do but I'm hoping for retired forcefully the same way I was when this happened to me."  He glanced down then back at the phone.  "Not that I won't come running if you girls need me, but I'd be accompanied by the little sprout and have to find a sitter for battles."

She laughed.  "I can see you doing so.  Did the chaos sorcerer get hunted?"

"Actually, he was undoing the thing that would make the child the end of the slayer line," Jensen told her.  "Hi, I'm his brother Jensen.  Xander's a great big brother to me."

She giggled.  "To all of us girls as well.  Xander, where are you supposedly retired at?"

"Malaysia at the former training camp here."

"So it's nice?"

"Very pretty.  I have a private beach, a lot of gym equipment in the trees, Giles gave it to me."  He smirked.  "I've gotten all sorts of baby presents from some of the clans we dealt with.  Including the one in the desert that wanted you to move closer because something bigger was threatening them.  I might send that thank you note to you to deliver."

"I don't get out there much," she admitted.

"It is not seemly for a woman to do such," her husband complained.

"I'll see if we can get you some backup, Mel."

"Thank you, Xander.  It's good most of the time."

"I know but your people know and understand the calling, Mel.  They can hopefully give you some backup, especially if you ever have kids."

"I haven't even wanted to think about such matters.  We're not secure enough yet for children," she said, sounding like she turned her head.

"If so, you'll definitely need some backup," Xander said dryly.  "I gained thirty pounds so far and lost about five more."

"Poor baby.  You need to eat," she assured him.  "Do the other girls know?"

"The ones in Cleveland do, the ones on the bulletin board have heard me complaining about pre-labor pains and pointy toes of doom.   I was thinking about you earlier when I was telling them about Buffy's reaction to your traveling outfit."  She cackled.  "So I thought I'd check in."

"It's good to hear from you and we all will want baby pictures, Xander.  You be safe."

"Jensen's very cuddly and won't let me do anything dangerous."

"Good.  That's an excellent thing.  You behave.  I have to cook lunch for my husband."

"You be safe and you let me know if you need any sort of help, young lady."

"Of course.  Or else I'll ask Faith to come talk to my spouse again."  He snickered.  "Good day, Xander."

"You too, Mel."  He hung up and called someone else, holding up a finger.  He smiled.  "Hamad!"

"Xander?  I heard you retired."

"Yeah, almost kinda.   What else is going around about me?"

"That you're about to be a father?"

"Within two months.  Have you guys heard about Willow's curse on men?"

"Oh, yes, which is why we do not want to talk to others right now."

"Sorry to hear that, dude.  A different chaos sorcerer did it to me."

"Oh, dear.  Are you healthy?"

"A bit thin.  Nothing too bad."  He grinned.  "I actually have a reason for calling."

"I figured you did.  Do we have more weapons running demons?"

"I haven't heard.  I've been kinda retired in Malaysia."

"Should everyone know that?" Pooch asked quietly.

"Yeah, this is the Council's liaison in Saudi and the UAE.  Did you go to Mel's wedding?"

"She's married?" he asked dryly.

"Yes, and her husband got jealous when I called her Mel.  He said her calling isn't seemly."

"For a normal woman it wouldn't be but those with a destiny are different, Xander.  Sir," he said, sounding respectful.  "Xander Harris is checking on the local slayer and updating me to what he has heard."

"Was that *witch* hunted yet?" he demanded loudly enough to be heard.

"Mel heard she's in Qatar.  Some commandos went after her but they got turned into Scotland Yard."  Hamad repeated that.  "I was wondering if we could talk about getting Mel some help in case her husband has a brain fart or she ends up pregnant."

"That would be bad for her child," he agreed.  He told his boss that, getting an agreeing noise.  "The boss said we can help with that.  There is a female military unit and we can assign them that way.  That would mean her husband would have to put up with her new friends."

"Friends are always good and if he's that big of an asshole, I have a crossbow for that."

Hamad cackled.  "I remember you telling a Prince that when he tried to keep you from hurting someone who needed it."

"I'm thinking that might be another case."

"I'll check on Mel for you.  How retired are you?"

"I'm going to be training the son.  And anyone else who needs it," he admitted.  "I'll be jumping in if I absolutely must or my slayers need me.  I can find a sitter I'm sure."

"Excellent news.  I'll be talking to my boss about helping her."

"You know, we had to tailor her robes and veil for fighting if it would help that unit."

"I remember.  It's very decorous but easier to move.  I'll offer that as well."

"Thank you.  I'll send her the thank you note I need to send that way so she can deliver it for me."

"That would be wonderful.  How soon?"

"Within two months.  And he's a male slayer.  Already active," he said with a wince.  "With really pointy toes.  Have a good day," he said, sounding pained.

"My wife lived in a tub with our last one, Xander.  Do the same."  He hung up.

Xander dropped his phone, curling up around his stomach, his head on Jensen's shoulder.  Jensen rubbed the tension out until he could relax again.  "Ow," he whimpered.  "Can't we take him out now?"

"Soon," Jensen soothed, rubbing his shoulders.  "Really soon, Xander.  Then we'll be able to cuddle him when he wants to kick."  Xander let out a snort.  "Shh, just relax, let it go and flow out of you."  The phone rang and he grabbed it, tossing it at Cougar since the area code was Texas.

"Hello?" he answered.  "No, this is Xander's phone.  He's having a practice contraction."  He blinked, smirking at the confused sounding woman.  "What did you need?"

"Who is it?" Xander grunted.

"Bethany?"

Xander took the phone, putting it against his ear.  "I.  Ache."  He listened to her.  "That sucks major donkey balls, Beth.  Why are you there?  You're assigned to Brazil."  He rolled his eyes.  "Who was handling there?  Ah!  That explains that but put one of the tiny ones on.  Yeah, that'll work."  He spat something when the demon said a cautious 'hello' in his own language.  "I'm having practice contractions, I ache like fuck, and she is still one of my slayers, Hermet.  I know she's supposed to be in Brazil.  Buffy rearranged people after Sana died in Paris.  I have no idea why the slayer from Morocco was in Paris....  No....ow owowowowow, son!" he complained.

Jensen took the phone.  "Sorry, man, practice contraction."  He went back to rubbing.  Cougar helped, getting a grin.  "I can tell him that but it'll be a few hours probably.  Is there a huge problem?  Well, ask her that."  The demon handed the phone back.  "Is it a huge problem?  No, he's having another one.  No, practice ones only."

"Don't tempt me," Xander groaned.  "Damn, whoever has such good fingers, I adore you right now.  He likes you."

"He should like me," Cougar assured him quietly.  "Relax.  The more you tense, the more it hurts."  Xander forced himself to go limp.  Cougar went back to working out the tension.

Jensen listened.  "Xander, the demon clan came to find her to get protection from a Sapharelle?"

"Fucking warrior clan of demons who like to pretend they're so high.  Sapharelle are allergic to sugar," he panted.  "Ow, not there!" he begged.  Cougar moved where he was working.  Xander moaned.  "That's nice.  Thank you."  He leaned back to give him a hug around the throat, taking the phone back, even though he sounded exhausted.  "Beth... Hermet, they're allergic to sugar.  Personally, I'd mine their house with a sugar grenade.  But that's because I'm in pain and it's making me mean.

"No, something like a twinkie is too diluted. Throw rock candy at them or something like sugar cubes.  Hit skin and they'll bubble, scream, and flee.  Oh, without it?  Grenade and she can make one.  That won't blow them up, just blow sugar throughout the house.  Yeah, I'll let her do that.  Beth, go ahead and help them.  They need to go home.  If they're going to be assholes, they don't belong in the US.  Have them go back to Malta, where they come from.  Thanks.  No, baby hurts," he sighed.  "Thanks, Beth.  Two more months unless I find a knife."  He hung up with a moan, curling up again.  "Son, you're evil and mean," he told his stomach, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Are those real ones?" Pooch asked calmly.

Cougar shook his head.  "The baby kicks and starts a cramp."  He and Jensen got back to work on him.  Pooch went to run him a warm bath.  They helped him in there and into the tub, leaving him to sulk and talk to his son in peace.

Xander looked at his mountain of stomach.  "Son, keep that up and come out sooner than you expected," he hissed.  "Quit pissing your father off."

Jensen brought him a cup of tea with a grin.  "It's not his fault.  All he knows is that it's squeezing him and it's not as comfy as usual, Xander.  Don't threaten him for things he can't control."  He patted him on the head.  "Though Jess did a lot of that too.  She nearly got hospitalized."

"Then I'd get good drugs for the delivery, right?"

"Probably when they put you in a psych ward, yeah."

"Damn."

Jensen grinned.  "Just under two months and the doctor said you'd probably be going early."

"Yay."  He gave him a frantic look.  "I have no idea what to do."

"Neither does any other first time parent, Xander.  Relax.  It'll come mostly naturally.  It did when I started to babysit.  Plus, hey, we can ask Pooch and Jolene questions.  Or Cougar, he's got siblings who have kids."  Xander slumped down, sipping his tea.  "Are you going to give him a chance?"

"Would he actually like me if it wasn't for the mountain of whine in there?"

"He and I are best friends," Jensen offered.

"Yeah, but you're smart and trained and all that stuff.  I'm fairly violent and have bad habits and have people who hate me enough to want to kill me in some horrible manner and there's all sorts of drama in my life thanks to the slayers and all that.  Anya couldn't handle it sometimes and she was in Sunnydale and a former demon."

Jensen stared at him.  "Cougar's not going to do anything about all this until you're both sure.  So calm down.  Get to know him."

"I'm trying," he said quietly.

"I know.  So far you've done some really good things."  He grinned.  "Just relax.  That'll help the cramps too.  Everything's going to be okay.  You're owed majorly by karma."

"Things never work out for those of us who were in Sunnydale," he muttered.

Jensen snorted.  "I was born there too, Xander, and mostly mine's been okay.  It's not all Sunnydale or our father or anything like that.  You're scared, and I get that because it's normal.  It's probably the most normal thing you've ever done."  He stared at him.  "Just... relax.   Give him a chance to get to know you.  Other people like you once they get to know you."  Xander shook his head.  "The slayers don't?"

"Some but hell, Willow hates my ass and we were best friends."

"Yeah, well, addicts," he said dryly.  "Buffy doesn't."  Xander gave him a pointed look.  "I'll update everyone that you're okay, just having some cramping."  He left him there to think and worry.  Cougar was making himself a sandwich so he went to talk to him first.  "You know that Xander's got basement level self esteem, right?" he asked quietly.  Cougar nodded, not looking up from his spreading of peanut butter.  "And that he thinks you only like him because of the baby?"  Cougar nodded.  "Can we find a way to help him relax some?  He's getting over being screwed by his best friend and all that."  Cougar gave him a  confused look.  "Willow and us, well until I got removed, have been friends since kindergarten.  With her thing... and her recent rants about him being so unnatural because of our father, he's depressing himself.  I'd like to see him happier.  And I know that he's worried and all but I know that you're not that sort of guy."

"I try."

"I know.  I'd worry more if Clay was the baby's father."  He grinned.  "Just... Can you maybe date or something?"

"Won't help," Cougar said, taking the sandwiches into the bathroom in Xander's room.  He sat down beside the tub, handing him one.  "Yours."

"Thank you.  You're spoiling me rotten."  Cougar shook his head, grinning some beneath his hat.  "Yes you are.  No one else gets me food."

"Not Anya?"

"No, she wasn't really into using the kitchen most of the time.  She kinda hated the kitchen actually.  I did a lot of the cooking.  She could make simple stuff and I hardly ever had time to eat a real dinner anyway between work and patrols and her wanting sex all the time."  Cougar stared at him.  "She was making up for lost time."  He nodded.  "I'm not used to that anymore."  He shrugged and ate a bite.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He watched him eat, handing him half of his but Xander shook his head.  He stared at him, getting another head shake.  Cougar ate his own food and let the boy relax again.  "Did you date while you traveled?"

"Now and then.  Nothing that lasted very long.  I think the longest was about four weeks or so.  Anya and I could measure things in almost years."

"Was she sweet?"

Xander shook his head.  "No, not really.   She used to tell me about her job and what she had done to various guys, then asked for sex.   She had a really bad habit of talking about *everything* we did in public, no matter who could listen.  Then she picked up money as just as interesting.  She was working in the Magic Box.  It was always 'let me help you buy something' with her."

He grinned, shrugging slightly.  "She was real blunt most of the time.  If she didn't like something, everyone knew it.  Usually all over town within hours because the demon network in town watched us pretty carefully to see who was going after what.  And what problems were going on so they knew to get out of the way.  Once the network found out what the problem was, they never told them.  Every now and then someone would slip something but mostly it wasn't told to them.

"And of course whenever we went to threaten the local demon bar's bartender, everyone knew."  He gave a one-sided shrug and rubbed the newly kicked spot.  "It was symbiotic in a lot of ways.  They respected and supported us because we kept the bad things out of their hair and kept them from being noticed by the normals, which would've been bad.  So they liked us for that.  And some learned to respect us because we were fair to them and treated them the same as we do everyone else.  Even if they were being asses and some do still owe me kittens."

"Kittens?" Cougar asked.

"Kitten poker.  One of the best sources of gossip and information there is in the demon world."  Cougar grimaced, shuddering at the thought.  "Yeah but it's good points too.  You learn a lot playing kitten poker with demons.  You learn about them, their habits, their attitudes.  You learn how many vamps there are on any given night who followed Buffy around to get flashed but not get staked.  You found out that she had three stalkers who all wanted to take her former vampire boyfriend's place.  I dusted them quickly because they sucked ass.  A lot.  And not in the way she would've liked."

"She did?"

"She still does.  She and Spike have a now and then thing."  Cougar shuddered.  "Yeah, I feel about the same way.  I don't think I could sleep with anyone who was room temperature.  It was bad enough when we had to camp before an apocalypse and we were the only two guys there so we had to share a tent."  Cougar was staring at him oddly.  "Yeah, things like that happen to us too," he said dryly, then winced.  "Ow.  Owowowowowowo!"

"Relax," Cougar reminded as he got to his knees to help him.  It was another practice contraction.  "Focus on something else."

"Lamaze is shit!"  Cougar laughed, shaking his head.  "It is," he panted but it wasn't doing any good.  He was trying hard not to moan.  Moaning would bring Jensen running and it'd be embarrassing.  Cougar tapped his bottom lip since he was biting on it.  He ended up removing it from his teeth and getting bitten instead.  Finally it ended and Xander went limp.  "Sorry I bit you," he said quietly.  Cougar smiled at him.  "We can take the baby out now, right?"  He shook his head.  "Why not?"

"Not time yet."

"Why not?"  Cougar stared at him.  "I know I'm whining but I'm starting to feel girlish again and I hate that about myself.  That and mood swings that make me sniffly and morbid."  Cougar gave the stomach another pet, making him wince and shift.  "I think he likes you."

"He should."  He sat down again.  "Relax."

"I'm trying."  He pouted at his stomach.  "Take a nap, son?  Please?"  Cougar chuckled, getting up to get him more tea, which Jensen had ready.  Xander stared at his stomach.  "Quit showing off.  Pretty please, Xadrian?"  He rubbed his stomach.  And since he was alone he took the opportunity to clean himself quickly.  He was getting a sweat rash and it felt gross.

He paused while cleaning, considering what he was feeling.  The washcloth went up when he heard Cougar coming, because he was making enough noise to be Jensen.  He'd consider that vile topic later.  Because he had not felt an adaptment growing.  No he had not.  He would refuse to have one grow or acknowledge anything that might grow down there unless it was his penis.  Because hey, at least then he'd feel manly again.  Cougar walked in and handed him some tea.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He sat down again.  He stared at him.  "You look upset?"

"I'm getting a sweat rash because I can't wear underwear anymore.  Sorry if that was TMI."  Cougar shook his head, grinning slightly.  Xander shifted onto his side, sipping his tea before leaning on the edge of the tub.  "Tell me about your family?"  Cougar nodded, telling him simple things about them in Spanish.  "Will they be really weirded out?"

"Mama yelled at Cordelia and me.  She's accepted it now."  Xander nodded, relaxing a bit.  "She still hopes for more."

"I guess good moms would.  I would if it was my daughter.   Or, well, I guess son now too thanks to Willow."  Cougar patted him on the arm.  "Are you really freaked out?"

Cougar stared at him.  "I was."

Xander smiled.  "I know I'm really weird and I'm not the sort you expected to have little baby Cougar's with some day."

"Wasn't going to."

"Really?"  Cougar nodded.  "Huh.  Me either.  I expected to be dead by now from a battle."

Clay knocked and walked in.  "Jensen said you've been having more cramps and practice contractions?"  Xander nodded.  "Have we called anyone?"

"He's out of the country for the next week," Xander said and shrugged slightly.  "It's still in the practice part and they're not really more frequent, they just seem to last longer."

"He had three extra today," Cougar said.  "But stress too."

"Okay, so he knows?"  Xander nodded.  "Do we have any plans set up that I should know about?"

"I got some contacts to send up some meds in case?" Xander offered.  "They should be in the post office box tomorrow."

"Good to know.  Any other plans?"

"Nope, though I am keeping the stuff from my med kit wrapped so it's mostly sterilized."  He shifted with a grimace.  "I'm trying really hard to be practical."

"Good.  That's always better than panicking."

"Clay, I don't give a damn if you cut me open without drugs if I need it.  I'm pretty sure I've had worse pain as long as the knife is sharp and I'm sure Roque would make sure of it."

"Yeah, probably."  He stared at him.  "Any other issues?"

"Sweat rash?" he offered dryly.

"Anything else?  Like we were supposed to watch for?"

"I don't give a damn if I do grow a vagina, it's being cut out," Xander said bluntly, cracking Clay up.  "And if I should grow one, no one else is ever going to know, even if I have to be celibate for life!"

"Calm down," Cougar ordered.  He scowled at Clay, who walked off smirking.  "It would shut again."

"Not a guarantee."

"It would."

"I hope."  Cougar stared at him.  "Let's change the subject.  Please?"

"Favorite color?"

"That misty gray/blue/purplish color as the sun comes up.  It means we made it through another night and another battle.  You?"

Cougar considered it.  "Blue."  Xander grinned.  He shrugged a bit.  He realized Xander and Jensen babbled.  They talked a lot more than anyone but a teenage girl on her cellphone.  They realized Cougar didn't and that was all right.  The longer he got to know Xander the more he resembled Jensen, only darker.  In most manners of speaking really.  "Are you?"

Xander looked at him.  "No comment.  Even if you wanted to find out, I'm fat, gross, sweaty, and I have a gas problem until the baby's born.  So no touching even if you wanted to."  He was trying hard not to pout.  "The doctor even said no masturbation, which sucks grandly."

"I thought you couldn't," Pooch said as he leaned in.  "Need anything?"

"Some of the hormones are down," he said dryly.  "I finally managed to get hard the other day for the first time in nearly ten months and I can't do anything with it or I could set off contractions."

"No pouting," Pooch ordered with an evil smirk.

Xander flipped him off.  "Let's see you go from sex with at least your hand nightly to none for ten months," he said dryly.  "Hell, I nearly killed two girlfriends in Africa, Pooch.  This is seriously killing my stamina."

Pooch walked off shaking his head.  "TMI, Xander."  He found his wife talking to a ghost, and nearly crying.  "Who's this?" he asked calmly.  He had no idea how to deal with spirits.

"Anya.  Xander's former fiancee," she said, sniffling some.  "It's just so tragic, baby."

He gave her a cuddle, glaring at the ghost.  "He's in the tub."

"I know but I can't get near the other one," she said, pouting at him.  "I can manifest for a night or so."

"He can't get off, Anya, it can start early labor," he said.

"I didn't have that restriction," Jolene complained.  "I would've killed you if I had."

He kissed her, grinning at his most precious gift that drove him nuts.  "You had a more normal pregnancy.  They're not even sure if he'll grow a vagina or not, baby."

"If he does, maybe he'll let me try it out for him?  It's been a while since I gave a blow job or did lesbian things."  She faded out, going to where Xander was.  "Xander, are you growing a vagina?"

"Hell no, and even if I was, no one's touching me for months, Anya.  And if I should and it doesn't close it'll be never again."

"Shoot, I was going to manifest for a few hours because I haven't given a blow job in years and I haven't done lesbian things in nearly three centuries.  Hallie and I got really drunk on mead," she said at Cougar's odd look.  "So, are you going to sex Xander up?  He'd look very good underneath you.  All sweaty and needing to be held down so he's not taking control."  She shifted, crossing her legs.

"I can see him starting to shine from the sweat, maybe even starting to make the sheets dark from it because he's being ridden so hard and long."  She shivered.  "Maybe you had some toy sex first.  That was always one of my favorites, and oral sex once Xander showed me what it was."  She stared off into space with a smile.  "I can definitely see that happening and it'd be very pretty.  Very hot too.  Then you can have a good school fund for him and all that stuff.  Buy him pretty clothes so Buffy doesn't have to shop."

"Remember the rule, Anya.  No talking about Buffy and sex in the same sentence," Xander said dryly.  "And what makes you think I'd be on the bottom?"

She smirked.  "I saw you in Prague."

"Did you also see me shoot the fucker because he wanted to sacrifice me and that was his goal because he thought I was a virgin?"

"Well, you did put out tasty virgin signs in the club to draw him, Xander.  What did you expect?"

He stared at her.  "Not the point."

"Fine."  She stared at Cougar.  "You really should put him in a comfortable position so his tummy is propped up on a pillow while you ride him a lot.  Then he'd quit worrying."  She gave Xander a pointed look, getting flipped off.  "You said you can't."

"I can't.  Still not cool, Anya."

"Cordy told me to paint the clue bus bright pink, Xander.  Apparently you ignored it."

"Ya know what?" he said dryly, shifting so he could get out.  He stared at her.  "You and Cordy and the other higher powers and all their bitches go the fuck away.  If he wants me for something more than being the mother of his child, so be it.  He doesn't need the pressure and I sure as *hell* don't need more in my life.  I'm fucked up enough right now as is!"  She floated backwards, looking confused, upset, and a bit scared.  "I don't give a damn which higher power wants to win their bet by hooking us up, but I'm pretty damn sure he has a life and while the baby may be part of it, he's not really gotten to know me enough to know if he wants to hang out with me for a movie night, much less sex or a better relationship.  So take the hormones to the whore patrol and tell them to fuck each other instead."

"But..." she started.  "They want you to be happy."

"How is forcing someone to be with me making me happy?" he demanded.

"Well, they're seeing it like an arranged marriage."

"Uh-huh.  And he's supposed to give up his career for it?"

"Well.... no one's said that."

"So when he's out of the country doing important things for the army for ten months out of the year, I'm supposed to do what?  That's not going to make me happy, that's going to make me miserable.  It's going to make me do nothing but be the mommy.  So if we work it out so we're together, that's all on us.  We got the hint.  Tell Cordy to drive her clue bus up someone else's ass."

"Fine."  She pouted.  "I hate your hormones nearly as much as I hated mine."

"Don't tempt me to start projecting."  She gave him a funny look.  "Yeah, I had it blocked, Anya Bunny."  She squeaked and fled.  He glared at Cougar.  "I'm still leaving it up to you," he said more calmly.  "Though I'm very realistic.  They might think it's a reward but their version of a reward is often sucky.  So if you want that, you can get to know me all you need to and want to until I do something to drive you off like I did the rest of them."  He walked out.  "Thank you for making me dinner and sitting with me tonight."

Cougar looked at him.  "They're insistent."

"That's because half of them are bitches," Xander said dryly.  "They're playing games trying to one up the other higher powers and it's really tiring when you're in their sights.  I think they included you as an afterthought so if you want to run, you can run.  I'll fully understand.  We'll work out visitation and things."  He went to bed to lay down, covering himself up.

Cougar let out the water and came out to turn on the overhead fan since his room was so warm.  "I'll decide that someday."

"I know."  He didn't watch him leave and he refused to get sniffly again.  He really wasn't going to.  He hated being sniffy and he hated the hormones and right about then he really didn't like being pregnant either.  The baby kicked so he swatted his stomach.  "Stop that and go to sleep, son."  He heard someone in the hall and got up to lock the door, going back to bed.  He didn't want to deal with people.  He seriously hated most people right now.

Jensen listened to him fuss and shift and mutter until he heard Xander snore, then he broke in and went to lay down beside him.  Cougar was confused so something had happened.  Cougar wouldn't talk to him so he'd wait for Xander to have a nightmare.  It would probably tell him what was going on in his twin's pointy, darkened head.

***

Pooch and Jensen were checking the house's perimeter after a long rain storm.  "Why is it that your brother will defend all of us to make both the spirits who've shown up leave us alone but not himself until he loses his temper?" he asked quietly.

Jensen snorted.  "Xander always tried to protect me too, even when I was protecting him.  He protected Willow and Jesse, though Jesse always helped me protect him.  I'm not sure if it's something fucked up about being us, because I do the same thing half the time."

"I remember us breaking you of that bad habit after it nearly got you killed," Pooch admitted.

"Probably for the same reason.  Which means his kid will be overprotected for years."

"I'd hate to see it if his kid is bullied."

"We both were.  There were a lot of rougher kids in the neighborhood who thought us being twins was cute."

"So you didn't only get it in high school," Pooch said dryly.

"Hell no."

"Think he ever got to the point of those kids who shot at theirs?"

"I don't know.   He could've put all that into the hunting stuff."

"I guess.  That had to have messed up some things in him."

"Some.  It did teach him to work alone a lot, to trust his own instincts and himself more than others.  The girls taught him that girls were bitches half the time unless they needed something."  He shook his head.  "I know this morning's fit at Cordelia was because she was taunting him that Buffy could really use him right now and here he was.  So he snapped and went off on why he was there and how it wasn't his plan, it was her boss's plans.  That if she didn't like him being stuck in semi-retirement she should go back and make sure he wasn't taken or just simply killed.  I don't know why that made her cry but I think it was all the reminding her of the shit they've put him through over the years."

"Did Cougar hear?"

"I think everyone but you heard because you and Jolene were shopping with the baby.  I heard and I was down by the beach.  Cougar was only up a tree checking the road.  And to think, those two dated for a while," he finished dryly.

"You think Cougar's going to start something?"

"I'm not sure if Xander's in the right frame of mind to accept it.  Right now he's mentally swearing at himself half the time for being too weak and getting captured.  He's trying really hard to accept that the baby won't be like his friends.  A whole bunch of stuff that I'd help with if he'd let me."

"He won't let you that close?"

"He'll let me closer but not into his pointy head of darkness.  He's still having nightmares and they're not battle nightmares or anything like that.  I don't know about what.  He won't tell me.  He's been isolated for years and I'm not sure if we can break that or not," he said more quietly because they were near one of the cameras.  "If I could, I'd help him with whatever."

"I know you would.  I think Roque's getting fed up with his pity party."

"Xander's not having one.  He's never once had a 'poor me' thought.  He's had a 'I'll deal with it and the fucked up things it brings because it will' but not a lot of 'why me' thoughts."

"You sure?"  Jensen nodded.  "You talk to Roque?"

"Nope.  He's been staying away from me for some reason.  I'm guessing he has Tough Guy PMS and I'm setting it off again."  He rolled his eyes.

"Maybe.  He does do that now and then."  They checked that camera and kept going.

***

Roque watched Xander meditating and growled.  "What?  Think it'll make everything go away?" he sneered.

Xander looked back at him.  "Fuck off.  I'm trying to bring my blood pressure back down so we don't have to take him out today.  And quit lurking."  He closed his eyes and went back to it.

"Do you think anyone's going to actually come after that child?" he sneered.

"You mean besides half the governments in the world?" he asked dryly, not opening his eyes.  "The oldline Watchers who want to stop him being born because it might mean the line changes a lot?   The people who have a six million dollar contract on my life if they can get me before I deliver him or ten afterward?  Without him included.  If he's born, the contract said they can hand him to his father."

"Excuse me?" Clay demanded from the porch, walking in.  He glared at Roque.  "Where did you hear that?"

"Jacob sent me an email.  Russian mob thing."  He shrugged and took a deep breath.  "I need to get my blood pressure down."  He got up and went to sit on the beach and meditate there.

Clay got into the boy's email, finding the mention.  "Shit," he muttered, searching in some of their areas for that information.  "JENSEN!"  He came jogging in.  "Find this."  He sat down to read the email and look it up.  He found a few of them.  "Shit, no wonder people wanted him guarded.  Why didn't you find these before?"

"They weren't in the system until recently.  The oldest is only two months old."  He looked at those two.  He found another site he had been tracking.  "The old timers in the Council, the ones that were from before the explosion."  He let them see it.  "Giles has told them that he's not carrying that one but oh well."

"That would change things and they're freaked out," Roque said.

"They've tried for years to make sure it didn't happen because it was easier to control and get control of girls," Jensen said dryly.  "And they did get the girls from the parents at the earliest opportunity.  They raised them as soon as they identified them if they could."

Clay grimaced.  "That sucks."

"Yes it did.  They changed that a lot.  Now the girls that Cleveland trains are more like a military unit.  A lot of them were slayers who were found before the First's purge.  They had years of not being attached to anyone but their watcher.  The no shopping, no fun, just learning and someday it'll be your turn to fight and die.  No dating either," he told Roque when he opened his mouth.

"Xander's are more like a sisterhood.  Or maybe a sorority of chosen girls who have a destiny to do great things.  They know the rules, they occasionally break them but get back in line when he scowls.  They know what they have to do, what they need to do, and how to do it.  They're friendlier with each other.  They know that sometimes the higher ups are idiots and not all Watchers are created equal, as opposed to the ones in Cleveland who are chain-of-command about that issue.

"Xander's girls die a lot less often and more of things that are outside their control.  One has HIV.  A few died of rebel attacks near their homes.  A few had bad boyfriends.  The ones in Cleveland tend to die in battles.  They get more fun and they're slowly getting the girls used to normal things.  They could really use some mothering sometimes."

"How many have died since the First?" Clay asked.

"Ten, twelve."  He found that site on the Council's website.  "Fifteen in battles, twelve from other issues.  There's a new name," he sighed.  "Xander?"  He came hurrying in a minute later.  "I was checking.  There's a new name."  He let him see.

Xander tried hard not to sniffle, logging in to look at that page.  His log-in didn't work so he forced it with his administrative one.  He would not cry, he wouldn't.  He absolutely wouldn't.  He got out and walked off to be alone so he wouldn't cry.

Jensen undid the log-out to look.  "Another boyfriend of dirtbagness."  He wrote Buffy an email.  And Dawn because he wasn't sure if Buffy would answer one.  Jolene came out to look over his shoulder.  "Another one of the girls, but one of the Cleveland girls," he said quietly.  He got back an email from Buffy telling him not to tell Xander.  He had pushed her to come to Cleveland because it was safer and it'd upset him, which he probably didn't need right now.

And gave him a link asking if that was something Xander could use for the baby.  He looked at it and gave his opinion that it probably wasn't but gave her a better idea, which she thanked him for.  He got up and went to find his brother.  "Buffy had stopped her boyfriend when he complained about an upcoming battle taking his time with her," he said when he found him.  He sat beside him.  "She didn't want you to know."

"Of course not."

"She thought it might hurt you.  That you didn't need the stress."

Xander looked at him.  "Is he in jail?"

"Buffy said she beat the shit out of him and the cops had to pull her off him.  Even Giles couldn't pull her off him and Faith wasn't going to.  The cops took about seven of them to pull her off."  Xander smirked a bit, nodding slightly.  "They were in the house.  One of the girls tried to stop him but he knocked her out and sneered.  Which was when Buffy jumped him but they didn't realize she had a punctured lung from a broken rib.  I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."  He looked out at the water again.

Jensen shifted closer.  "I'm still sorry you lost a girl who was like a cousin, Xander."  He got a shrug.   "You know, you could talk to me.  I know we have years of stuff to catch up on but I'd like to be there when you need me."

Xander looked at him.  "I don't talk about those things at all, Jake.  I never have," he said bluntly.

"You can.  I'd listen.  That'd get it outside your head."  He stared at him.  "It's not good to keep it inside, Xander."

"I'm fine, Jake.   If it's a big thing I will, but ...  We all know that slayers don't live to be ancient women with grandkids," he said quietly.  "Even the ones who never got called before never lived to be grandparents.  That's not in their cards."

"That sucks majorly."

"Yeah, well, we all get old, get slow, get weak.  It happens.  Some day all of us won't be fast enough.  You and your team, me and mine."

Jensen considered that.  "Yeah but it sucks when it's a kid we're talking about."

Xander looked at him.  "Buffy got called at fifteen.  She died within nine months and I'm the reason she's still alive.  And then died again at twenty-one, but Willow pulled her out of heaven."

"Are you worried what he'll go through?"

Xander shook his head.  "No, I'll make sure he'll live even if I have to be with him every single minute that he's hunting.  Some of the non-associated hunters live to be forty or maybe early fifties if they're good and lucky."

Jensen patted him on the arm.  "It's something I don't want to think about."

"I know.  Sorry."

"Maybe he'll live to be a grandparent."

"Only if he makes me one when he's real young."

"No, that might not be a good idea," Jensen decided.  He leaned his head on Xander's shoulder, comforting them both.  That was a horrible thought.  It was a curse on a future child.  "We'll train him to be the biggest badass ever," he said quietly.  "All of us on the team will make sure of it."  Xander relaxed and nodded.  "Baby martial arts?"

"Yup.  Especially since he's already active.  They could come for him at any time.  Giles is conveniently ignoring that issue.  That's why they put me here instead of any of the closer houses.  So the girls wouldn't have to see that happen to us."

Jensen sat up, staring at him.  "Excuse me?"

Xander looked at him.  "Demons come to me to beat my ass, Jensen.  They can feel slayers and those who want to end the slayer line don't start with the hard ones.  Giles was being practical and trying to be good to the girls so they wouldn't have to see it if it happened while I was too vulnerable."  He stared at him.  "He did start to thank all the higher powers when someone with sense realized that and had you guys show up to protect me."  Jensen opened his mouth.  "Those baby presents could have just as easily been a demon to take me out.  Taking me out would hurt the girls a lot.  Taking him out would end the slayer line."

Jensen swallowed.  "I didn't even think about that."

Xander nodded.  "That got pointed out to me when I was seventeen by Angelus when he lost his soul and was taunting me.  How it would hurt Buffy."  He shrugged slightly.  "I know I've got a huge ass target on us.  That's why I'm not really into decorating a nursery.  I'm not sure if we'll have to move to protect ourselves."

"That I think we all figured out."  He made himself relax.  "Are we still on to bring the baby to Cleveland and then Cougar's family?"

"Yeah.  I'll have Dawn shield him so the demons can't find him while we're in Cleveland.  That way they can't risk Cougar's family."

"Good idea."

"I have some now and then," he said dryly.  "It's usually not listened to but I have plenty."  He grinned.  "Relax, Jake.  There's enough who respect me that they won't attack this year.  This year's apocalypses aren't interested in doing more than taking over.  They consider the slayers a fun challenge and a game.  There's not going to be one who'll want the slayers gone for maybe three years.  There's actually a cycle of them.  Which means I'll have to be active again by then to keep up my respect."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because...  Think of it like underground contacts.  After six months what happens?"

"They tend to disappear oh," he said, realizing it.  Xander nodded.  "So how long are you giving you two?"

"A year so he can travel easier and then I'll go check on my girls.  He'll be old enough for the shots he'll need to get to Africa and the Middle East.  We'll start out mild with the ones in more civilized areas.  I call all of them every six weeks and I always have.  Giles may not have figured that out yet.  Then again I'm still listed as second-in-command at the Council because everyone would die if Buffy had to run something."  He grimaced, shrugging a bit.  "I guess it's given me at least another year that's almost certain.  Who knows what I'd have gotten up to during this time and what I might've handled that could've gotten me dead."

"I'd have seriously missed you if you were really dead," Jensen said quietly.  "I think I would've felt it.  The shrink they sent me to said that if my twin was dead I would've felt it."  Xander smiled and gave him a shoulder nudge.  "Can you maybe do something more protective like train?"

"That won't save my girls or him."

"It'll save him because you'll be in a more controlled, safer spot if something happens.  Plus you'll have people around to help him.  And some of your girls could come here."

Xander shrugged.  "I don't know."

"If you do, I'm sure they'd like the time off."

"Some of them are the major food hunters for their people."

"I get that," he agreed.  "Switch some of the spoiled ones out there to give them experience?"

"I tried that once and it was a huge failure.  She felt like one because she couldn't do the same things the native one was and it nearly got her dead.  Giles said we couldn't do that.  I have been known to slip them to other houses so they could get experience in other areas, like jungle tracking. Or desert tracking.  Especially the younger ones."

"What if you use this as a training center since there won't be anyone who can travel to the slayers while you're regaining your stamina?  The younger ones are sent here to train them in all that they need to know.  We're close enough to some jungle for a few weekend trips that way.  This area's lower activity.  There's probably not going to be an apocalypse battle here so they'd be safer.  Then you could hand them to a house to get them used to desert and urban hunting methods if you can't find some in a local city.  Your girls could help when they needed some time off from their posts."

"If you get too many of them together, things are drawn to them harder," Xander said.

"How many new slayers are activated every year?"

"Depends on how many died but seven or eight usually.  About a house's worth.  This year there's been twelve.  We've only lost eight girls though so this year's battle is probably going to be huge.  Our years begin on the summer equinox."

"Do we get a party?"

"Yup.  And the next day is usually spent with a hangover for some of the girls," he said dryly.  "It gives us a few quiet weeks after whatever and a quiet month to build back up the usual level of issues once colleges start."  Jensen looked confused.  "Easier hunting in college clubs for vampires."

"I guess I can understand that.  You can't always rely on a homeless person to come by."

"Some of them are protected.  They tend to know each other and figure out if one's gone pretty fast.  Plus there's religious sorts who go down to hand out food and watch over them somewhat too.   It's easier to get campers and hikers for some of them but that makes some thin months out of the year and you have to keep switching areas."

"They don't like to?"

"Think of it like any other sort of hunting.  Wouldn't you rather have an area you knew where things were?"

"Well, yeah.  And for vampires that would be knowing where the vulnerable were.  Too drunk or too stoned, friends who didn't pay attention to you."  Xander nodded.  "We don't hardly see any vampire kills these days."

"A lot of them have learned subtlety because a vampire kill brings a slayer.  A vampire feeding requires her going to the ER and the cops calling Giles, which brings a slayer slower.  The older they are the wiser.  The younger fledges are all the brutal ones."  He winced, curling around his stomach.  "Son, stop it, now," he ordered, trying to stay calm.  "Or else you're coming out today."

Jensen shifted to rub his stomach.  "Calm down, Xadrian.  You can come play with me very soon, sweetheart."  He grinned.  "We're only gone about eight months out of the year.  We get breaks between them for healing."

"Don't tell me that."

"Fine.  I'm not usually the injured one?"

Xander stared at him.  "What would Jolene say if you said that in front of her?"

"She's threatened to make him quit before whenever Pooch got too injured."  He rolled his eyes.

"The same way you feel about me hunting I feel about you getting shot at," Xander said dryly.  Jensen hugged him and walked off happier.  Xander looked down at his stomach.  "Apparently he got all the mushiness as well as all the brains in the family.  Don't worry, you'll be smart like him.  He's infected you already, kiddo.  That way you can go on to do great things for as long as you can."  He went back to meditating.  He needed to bring his blood pressure back down.  It was too high and he had enough medic training to know that wasn't good for either of them.

He had no idea Cougar had heard all that.  He didn't want him to know that stuff.  It was depressing.

***

Cougar had talked to that priest and decided some things.  Now he had questions.  He went to talk to Xander.  It was late at night but the baby was being happy and kicking so he was awake.  He settled next to him on the bed, facing him, leaning down to stroke over the moving stomach.  The baby settled down.  "You worry so he worries," he said quietly.

"Probably yeah.  I've been trying to reduce my stress levels."  He stared at him.  "You look upset.  Bad news from home?"

"Do slayers have to fight?"

"We have some who don't.  We have a few who got too injured and retired.  But the thing is that they're still active slayers so they can be attacked.  Or their families."

Cougar nodded.  "As I thought.  Will he be trained?"

"Yup, everything I can do and if you want to help with that I'd welcome it."

"I will be."  He stared at him.  "Risks to those around him?"

"It's only every few years that things want to try to wipe out all the slayers.  I'm already looking at ways to make sure the uncalled and the inactive ones won't be found.  Dawn is as well.  Willow supposedly was."

"But you said he's active."

"There's active and then there's imbued with the slayer essence.  See, the way the originators of the Council created the slayer line, they merged a girl with the essence of a few demons who had gifts that could help her hunt.  The faster healing, the better stamina, all that."  Cougar shuddered.  "Yeah, we talked to her once to bring down the Initiative.  She wasn't a happy camper by any means and I confused her to hell because even back then it was supposedly a girl alone fighting.  I broke that mold forever more."

He looked at his stomach then at him.  "Originally, when a slayer died, the essence passed on with all her memories and skills.  So each level actually got stronger.  There's a thought that it got too strong and that's what helped snap Faith and a few others.  They weren't strong enough to take the millennia of essence built up without it breaking them so they went dark because the essence teaches you how to hunt, how to kill."

"Makes sense," he agreed.

"But Faith went dark, partially because of her upbringing and partially not.  She even said that the instincts were calling out to her and liked the killing a lot.  That she wasn't always strong enough to filter it down.  So in a way breaking the single line into the multiple lines has helped a lot.  We now have seven acknowledged lines by the essence that they got given.  Multiple girls called on each line but only seven lines.

"Then we have six, soon to be seven, oddball slayers that don't have that same sort of essence.  We can tell because of the psychic imprint, like a possession," he explained at the confused look.  "The essence split into various slayers going into each line.  There's one that's got the really good defenders.  The last line of defense ones.  The slayers that split into that were the best at that.

"There's a line that contains most of the hunters.  Buffy's essence is in that one as well since she had died to create Faith after Kendra died.  A lot of the slayers that worked in native areas were in that one.  We have one line that's excellent at weapons work and I've done a lot of their training because that's my area too.  I suck at bare-handed fighting but give me a weapon and I'm better."

"The others?"

"They got the stragglers, the ones that weren't really fit into any group.  The ones that were pretty equally split between groups or the few research nerd slayers.  They don't always get a full line's worth, maybe just a few that they'd need to help them.  We had one that used to knit.  She taught the current one how to knit.  I've worked with all of them.  Actually I found all but one of them.  She survived the first and showed up."  He smiled.  "I'm fairly certain he'll be one of those.  Almost positive.  I can hear the spirit in him.  The slayer essence likes me since Sineya, the First Slayer, did."

"So he's fully active and imbued?"

"Yes.  But, we know this now, that's how they found future slayers.  All slayers are imbued before birth, and then the spirit leaves them until they're old enough.  That makes sure the baby is strong enough to handle the gifts and there's no physical deformities or things that could make them a weak slayer.  That fact is what the Council used to use to find the upcoming girls."

"So it will leave?"

"Probably.  One we know that it didn't got attacked very young by the First.  It helped her get away at the ripe old age of seven."  Cougar shuddered.  "Exactly.  Then it left her and she's still not called because it won't come to her until she's reached mostly full maturity.  That mystical spot where gymnasts are at their best and so are warriors in training basically."  He nodded.  "Each girl hits it a bit differently.  And then they get training until they're at least seventeen.  Unless it's an all-hands situation they aren't even allowed in apocalypse battles.  We've had a few of those but those girls were put in the rear, most guarded spot because we had no choice."

Cougar nodded.  "Reasonable.  Him?"

"He'll be one of them.  I'm hoping I can give and get him enough training to survive all that and possibly get him to retire after that.  Probably back to training with me.  By then Giles will be ancient if he's alive and I'll be ancient for a hunter by then."

"Do any go military?"

Xander shook his head.  "A few wanted to and Riley Fucking Finn talked them out of it because it was a risk to their unit.  One went against orders and joined but was killed by a half demon already in the service for profaning her gift.  See, slayers are apolitical.  We don't care who runs a country, we have our duty.  If they joined a program like on that tv show, then maybe but not the regular military."

"We take down evil sorts," Cougar told him.

"That's a definition," he said dryly.  "Sometimes not but mostly that's decided by the higher ups.  And what happens if an apocalypse comes while she's on a mission?"

Cougar winced.  That would be a bad thing.  Not even Clay was liberal enough to handle that popping up.

"So they're highly discouraged.  We still train, fight, and die for our people but it's the wider world instead of a country."  He grinned.  "Though we do have a few who learned hacking somewhere and other things.  Our armory and tech support people are half slayers, half former agents."

"Not military?"

"There's been a few commanders who wanted to take over.  Even tried to take some of the girls into custody for the good of the US.  They really hated it when I led six girls and took down their precious base.  Both times.  Then the President told the commanders to stop it because it was needlessly wasting military lives.  He made them go to the next battle to prove to them why the US didn't want them in the military.  Because things like that came for the girls.   The last I heard that commander had spent six months in a monastery contemplating the true definition of evil and then went back to his command a better and saner commander."

"I heard about him," he admitted.  He shook his head quickly.  Xander grinned.  "Normal lives?"

"The girls who are over the legal age are encouraged to go to college, get a career they like, all that.  Some manage it and some don't.  Some manage to get married and become parents and some think it's too risky.  Originally I suggested we put up a sanctuary on holy ground for any pregnant slayers so they'd be safer.  I got voted down.  They take extra precautions, have someone in the covens we work with ward their houses and them for safety reasons, all that, instead."

"Here?"

"Has wards.  Dawn made sure of it.  Also I have you guys.  It's probably stopped a few problems.  See, everyone apparently knew who Jensen's father is.  They never knew about me being his twin.  Mostly because of how they dumped me when I was six."

"Jensen would not."

"I know.  Jess either.  Right now she's reacting like most parents who realize they have a connection to the Council.  She's worried it's dangerous."  Cougar nodded he was too.  "It's understandable.  It's also the ruin of a lot of in-laws liking the new daughter-in-law."  He grinned.  "It's why I'd never push you for anything, Cougar.  I've seen some of them react to the point of forcing a divorce immediately when they found out.  Or forcing the idea of children coming quickly so he'd have something of her left when she was killed by something."

"Are you thinking of such things?" he asked quietly.

Xander shook his head.  "There's an almost perfect certainty that any child I have will be a slayer.  Or magically inclined since it's active in me thanks to the hellmouth taint.  I've kept it locked down for years because of things getting too complicated and I didn't want to deal with Willow pouting or hear what would happen if they found out who my father actually was after that Halloween when he had us all possessed by our costumes.

"He and Giles apparently used to be in the same black magic coven and possibly used to fuck each other."  Cougar shuddered.  "Yeah.  So to say that they're not friends now....  Giles turned him over to Pooch's former unit because Ethan turned him into a demon for a day.  After the halloween thing, Giles beat the shit out of him.  Unfortunately he left before I could add to it.  He was too well guarded for us to have a *chat* when we captured him to hand him over."

"Would you?"

"Then I would've probably stopped, maybe.  Especially if someone tried to pull me off him.  Now....  I'm not sure."

Cougar nodded at that.  "What about visitation?"

"If you want to see him, you let me know.  You can bring him home to the parents and they can call.  If it's not safe, I'll let them know that and arrange it to be safer or plan one in the future, after an apocalypse.  For the minor ones I might let your family have him during battles."

Cougar nodded.  "Mama would."

"Most mothers would."  He smiled.  "Joyce would have.  She'd have spoiled him rotten.  She probably would've taught him to shop like a Summers too."  He looked out at the flash of light.  "Who are you?" he called quietly.  He heard the growl and pulled the knife from under his pillow, creeping out there.  He saw the large demon dog.

"Huffy?" he asked, looking at it.  It sniffed and barked, wagging his tail, tongue hanging out.  "Did Mel send you with a message, dear?"  He put the knife up and petted him.  The dog sniffed his stomach and growled so he bopped him on the head.  "Leave my son alone, Huffy.  Is Mel in trouble?"  The demon dog rolled over for belly scratches.  "Cougar, can I have my phone?"  He went to get it, keeping an eye on the dog.

He called while he petted him.  "Hi, Mel's husband.  It's Xander.  Is there a reason the demon dog that adores your wife's cooking came to find me?"  He listened to him complain but check on his wife.  "Hmm, sick?  Look kinda pale but shiny?" he asked dryly.  "Yeah, that means she's pregnant.  Trust me on that."

He rolled his eyes.  "Tell her to update Giles and Dawn, tell her to talk to the people who help her so they can get her covered.  One of the coven will be over in a few days to ward the house so nothing attacks her while she's injured or weak.  Yeah they will.  We've even had some where I am and I have a whole military unit around me."

He listened to him complain it wasn't part of their religion.  "Listen, dude.  The only way your wife and child are going to survive is if we take precautions.  Any pregnant person can't fight.  They won't attack a slayer that's not sick but there's always someone looking to take advantage of such things.  Exactly.  Beyond that, even the King knows that sometimes we deal in things that take mystical knowledge.  Including your local mosque.  We talked with her natal one when she got found.  Yes, him.

"No, we can make it subtle.  Paint around the doorways as part of a border is the most subtle we usually do.  It's very pretty, we can change some of the patterns so they're not flowery looking since that's against Islamic decorating codes.  Yeah, we can do that.  We did it in Serbia for one of the slayers there.  No, she died when someone blew up a car in front of her work."  The husband shuddered.

"So for right now, let's just relax, have her talk to those people who help her.  Have her get a prenatal checkup because kids are hard on a body.  Remind her to take extra calcium because she'll need it for strong bones.  That all-female military unit should be able to make certain she's protected and give her any ideas she might need about staying in good shape while she's pregnant.  That way she doesn't lose anything."

He listened to the question.  "That depends on the child.  Of the seventeen slayers that have been pregnant, four have managed to give birth, which is why we're so strict on that protecting thing.  Half of them were before the First and the mass calling but the others... not all were demons but enough to worry about.  Of the four that were born alive, it was evenly split boy/girl.  The girls, only one was a slayer.

"So right now we're not sure.  I'd say possibly with a leaning toward not totally likely.  We can look for the mole and do a test on the amniotic fluid to make sure if it is or not.  Slayers all have certain characteristics before they're born.  If we spot the mole and the test comes out negative that means that there's a health issue that would cause the child not to be called.  Also, thanks to one being carried there is now the chance that males can be called if they're exceptionally gifted in that sort of area.

"So make sure she has an amnio done and the best ultrasound possible.  Yeah, we can test the fluid without the ultrasound if it's a problem.  They'll have to do one when they stick the big needle in her stomach to pull out some of the fluid around the baby for safety reasons."  He listened.  "They give a local but it's creepy feeling.  No, it's not dangerous to the child.  It can tell the sex, any big health issues, all that.  They won't have to tell you if you don't want them to.  Though it does make decorating easier."

He smiled.  "Tell her I said congrats and Huffy's here.  Yes, that dog.  It's a hellhound actually.  It thinks she's sweet because she threw tootsie rolls at it when it first appeared to try to drive him off.   He's got a huge sweet tooth because of it.  He likes to show up when she's in trouble.  He showed up the day I got there and growled at me until he realized who I was.  That's why I'm giving him belly scratches."  He smiled at the dog.  "Mel said thank you for telling me."

He listened to her.  "Yeah, he's fine, Mel.  Came to get some pets in.  Hates my stomach.  Yup.  Amnio.  We can test for the slayer essence with the amnio.  Well, my doc used a tiny camera inserted at the same time to do an up close investigation.  We spotted the mole that way.  Kinda, yeah.  Definitely have the amnio so we can test it.  Because if you are, we'll have to add some extra protections around you probably.  Exactly.  No, I'm hoping it's soon.  He's kicking up a storm whenever Huffy looks at him and growls."

Cougar knelt to rub his stomach, making him moan.  "Thank you, Cougar."  He grinned at him.  "Mel said she wanted to meet you.  Yeah, Xadrian's baby daddy, Mel.  He's on my twin brother's team.  The higher ups decided on him instead of Jensen.  Yup, no fraternal.  Thanks and be safe.  Email me later.  Tell them tomorrow once you have it confirmed.  That way they can make plans.  I'll tell Giles so he can get the coven to come paint your doorways for you.  Thanks, dear.  Be safe and healthy.  Talk to me in a few weeks."  He hung up and smiled at the dog.  "Mel's just fine, Huffy.  She's having a puppy."  He barked and disappeared, going back there.  Xander went limp.  "I was hoping it was something small."

"Married women often get pregnant.  It is the cycle of life," Clay said as he walked out.  "What was that?"

"Hell hound.  His name's Huffy.  He guards my slayer in Saudi."  He let Cougar help him up, grabbing his back.  "He weighs a ton."

"You've lost too much weight," Jensen countered.  "That's why he seems to weigh more than usual."  He stared at his twin.  "C'mon.  We can talk to Giles tomorrow."  Xander nodded, letting them help him back to bed.  "I'll call Giles and tell him the good news."  He kissed him on the forehead once he had him tucked in.  He glanced at Cougar, giving him a subtle smirk and left them alone.

Cougar sat on the bed beside him.  "I will wait until Jake is done."  Xander nodded, yawning and curling up on his side.  It was progress that Xander was facing him this time instead of away.

***

A few days later, Xander walked out with a knife.  "He's coming out soon," he said, looking grim.

"Contraction?" Roque asked, taking the knife from the scary guy with the mood swings.

"Just more pain than usual."  He sat down then winced.  "I'll sleep here," he muttered.

Roque helped him back up and watched him walk back to his bathroom while he called the doctor.  "It's Roque.  Xander handed me a knife and said it's nearly time, the baby's causing a lot more pain tonight."  He listened to the orders.  "I can have Cougar check and call."  He hung up and went to wake up Cougar.  He woke up when he opened the door.  "Go check Xander for obstructions.  He's in a lot of pain and the doc wanted to make sure it's not a full contraction."

Cougar nodded, getting up and padding that way to check on him.  He found him curled up on his side looking miserable.  "He said to check you."

"Yay," he said weakly.  "Can't we take him out now?"

"We'll see."  He did what the books had said to do, finding the stomach harder than usual.  He checked his back, finding the same thing.  "Relax?"

"I can't."

Cougar nodded, helping him to shift onto his back.  He did it again and it was easier but not much.  Xander was making whimpering noises.  "What?"

"I need to pee and can't pee when I'm standing up."

"Sitting?"

"Still in the wrong spot."

"If you must, use the tub and rinse it out," he offered.  Xander snorted, shaking his head.  "Bend over from the waist.  It should shift him up."  He looked.  "Should I ask about other matters?"

"I'm not letting you check to see if he's on my colon, Cougar.  I don't know you well enough to let you finger fuck me."

Cougar swatted him with a scowl, walking out to call the doctor back and tell him. He got clear orders and nodded, going back in there with the phone.  "He wanted to know if anything new has grown since he hasn't seen you in two weeks."

"I'm not having a contraction and he's coming out with a knife.  Even if I have to do it myself," Xander said firmly.  "I can do that."

"Calm down."  He listened to the doctor.  "He wants me to check anyway, Xander."  The boy groaned and shuddered.  He closed the door and locked it then came over to feel underneath the sheet.  It wasn't that hard to find.  The boy was gritting his teeth as he probed gently.  "No plug," he reported, pulling out to go wash his hands off.  "A bit damp however."  He listened.  "Thank you."

He hung up.  "He said you can go any time now.  To make sure the room was ready."  Xander nodded, going to clean it.  "I will not tell anyone," he promised.  Xander relaxed and smiled, nodding slightly.  He went to tell the others.  "It's soon."  Clay nodded at that, going to check over Xander's shoulder on what they might need.  Pooch got the textbook they had found on OB surgical procedures down to reread and Cougar took it from him.  He was the backup but he knew he'd be anxious.  It was his son being born.

***

Jensen levitated out of the bed and ran to Xander's room before he could scream.  "It's time!" he shouted.  He got Xander up and into the shower to clean him off.  He was sweating and he had to be clean for the surgery.

"Just give me a damn knife," Xander moaned, clutching onto his brother's shoulder.  "Please?"

"Pooch is going to do it, Xander.  Calm down.  Let's finish cleaning up."  He got them out and dried off, walking him up the hall and then going to change into dry clothes.  He came back to help.  Cougar was taking Xander's attention by holding his hand and talking to him in Spanish.  Xander was panting through a bad pain.  They cleaned the area, draped it, and Pooch said a silent prayer before cutting.  Then deeper.  It took him six cuts to get to the sac.

"Yank it out?" Pooch asked.

"Hell yes."

Pooch smiled, taking the sac out to free the baby and cut it out.  The doctor got there before they were done.  He took over once he was cleaned up and the baby was quickly handed to Pooch and Jensen to get breathing.  He was slimy, he was a bit purple, but he was all right.  He screamed a minute later and went pink under the white and red slime.  "It's a boy," he announced.

"We had hoped so," the doctor quipped.  He cleaned up the area and closed him.  "Nice cutting, Pooch."  He finished with Xander, who had passed out.  He took the baby to look over, checking everything while filling out the birth certificate.  Jensen was busy taking pictures for everyone.  The doctor smiled.  "Here, hold him," he ordered, taking his phone to take a picture too.  "There.  Get him his first bath and dressed, boys."  They nodded, taking him to do that.  He checked on Xander.  He was starting to come around.  "He's just fine, Xander."

"Test the fluid," he murmured, passing back out.

"I will in a few days.  It takes a few days for the essence to leave him."  He petted his hair.  "Get him back to bed, Cougar."  He nodded, picking him up and taking him that way.  "And make him eat tomorrow."

"I will."  He tucked Xander in and went to find his son.  He was screaming at his uncles.  "Let me."  Jensen grinned, letting him into his spot to help the clean up.  That stuff was sticky.  They finally got him cleaned up and put a diaper on him, then a cute onesie Jensen had found.  He got brought back to Xander's room and settled into the playpen.  Unfortunately Jolene and their baby had gone home almost a month earlier.  So they were on their own with the baby.  And the father who was still out.  He looked like he was dreaming.  Jensen watched for a minute then nudged him awake.  "Hi.  Who's complaining?"

"Cordelia called me a drama queen."  He looked at the baby.  "You're bigger than you should be."

"Doc said nearly eleven pounds," Jensen agreed.  "He probably couldn't have come out the normal way anyway."  He took him to hold.  "I took lots and lots of pictures.  Did you still want that name?"  Xander nodded.  Cougar nodded as well.  "Okay, I'll fill it out."

"I almost considered Ruben but people would assume I liked American Idol," Xander said dryly.

Jensen grinned.  "Not my taste either."  He let Xander cuddle him.  "Head up."  Xander shifted him some.  "Do you feel like you're going to lactate?"  Xander whimpered, shuddering slightly.  "Then we'll make him a bottle in a bit."  He stroked over the damp hair.  "He's beautiful, Xander."

"He is."  He looked at Cougar, who was smiling.  "Did you take one for your mother?"  He nodded.  "Cool."  He yawned.  "I'm sore.  I didn't push him out so I have no idea why my butt is sore but it is."

Jensen took the baby back.  "Help him go to the bathroom, Cougar."  He nodded, helping Xander in there.  He cooed and pulled Xander's laptop over to call their sister.  "Hi," he said when she answered.  She gaped.  "Twenty-two and a half inches, ten pounds, 9 oz.  Born about two hours ago."

"Awww."  She stared.  "What's his name?"

"Xadrian Yahir."

"He's so sweet looking.   How is Xander?"

"In the bathroom."

"That's usual.  I did too."  She leaned closer to the monitor.  "He's adorably squished."  Jensen tipped him better.  "I want to hold him soon."

"He can't fly for a month," Jensen reminded him.

"I know.  So?"

"We're going to be introducing him to the people in Cleveland and Cougar's family in a little over a month.  We can pop up there too."  He smirked and hung up.  Roque was coming.  "Jess has cooed and pronounced him handsome."

"He is," Cougar agreed, taking the baby back to hold.  He was making a scrunchy face.  "Is that hungry?"

"Probably," Roque said dryly, holding up a bottle.  "Clay mixed four, they're in the fridge so they can be warmed up.  The kid need more help?"

"A colon cleanse," Xander called.  "And a long, hot bath."

"Jess said she had the same problem, Xander."  Jensen leaned in there.  "It was him backing it up.  It'll all come out over the next few hours."

"Yay," he said weakly.

Jensen grinned.  "At least it was quick."

"Thankfully.  Can I be alone?"  Jensen shut the bathroom door for him.  Xander slumped and went back to cleaning his body out of the stuff it had been holding back while the baby squished his intestine partially shut.  Then he'd get a bath.  Once he was in the warm bath, he looked at the door.  "Can I have him back so we can bond?" he called.

Cougar opened the door, walking in with the sipping baby.  He got him down to his diaper and let the daddy hold him for now.  "He is sweet."

"For now.  Until he wakes up every few hours."

"That is normal."  He sat down, watching them bond and Xander feed him for the first time.  "You'll be a good father," he said quietly.

"I hope so.  At the least he'll be a bit less screwed up than Jake and I are.  I'm just thankful he's not twins.  That might drive me nuts."

"Possibly but you'd handle it."  Cougar stared at him.  "When did you want to go back?"

"I planned it for the 16th of January.  That way he was healthy enough and we had time to get him the passport he'd need."  Cougar nodded that was something they hadn't thought of.  "All the plane tickets are already bought and you guys have a room waiting in Cleveland then too if you wanted to stick around to protect him from being cooed at.  I figured you'd get with Jake to arrange for him to go see your family."

"Did you not want to come?"

"I probably should but they might not like me.  Families don't usually like it when baby mama show up."  A thought came to him.  "What did we put down for the last name?"

"Mine."

"Will nosy officials mind that?"

He shrugged.  "Why should it matter?"

"We'll make sure on the trip back.  I don't want to make it any harder than it has to be."

Jensen leaned in with a grin.  "A guy in San Francisco just started to crow on tv about being pregnant.  They even did an ultrasound on the Today show to try to disprove him.  The doctor was amazed and blamed it on you guys."  He beamed.  "How is he?"

"Sucking hard," Xander said, looking at him.  "So now everyone knows?"

"I'm not sure how Giles is going to explain it."  He leaned in the doorway.  "When are we going to see Jess?  Before or after Cougar's family?"

"After," Xander said, rubbing his forehead.  "Because they're going to try something to keep the baby and it's not going to go over well."  Cougar grimaced, going to call his mother and stop that plan cold.  He and his twin shared a look.  "Can I hit her just once?"

"As long as neither baby can see and realize," he promised.  "I would."  He came in and sat down, watching Xander let him suck at the bottle.  "He's hungry."

"He's getting used to it," Xander said with a small shrug.  He winced.  "That's going to suck for those stitches."

"At least the tub's not deep enough to bother them."  He made grabby hands.  "Can I?"  Xander let him hold him, watching him coo and make goofy faces at the baby.  "I missed your cousin's first few weeks because I was in Pakistan.  I'm not missing yours, Xadrian.  Yes, the uncles all love you."  He rubbed noses with the baby.  The baby burped on him for that gift.  "Aww, eww."  He got up to clean them both up, letting Xander have him back.  He sat down again, looking at Cougar when he came in.  "Your mother get stopped?"  He nodded, sitting down again.  "Good."  He looked at his twin.  "Want me to put him down in the playpen?"

"Maybe."  He let Jensen take him back to do that.  "Burp him again?"

"Yup."  He covered his shoulder with a dishtowel and did that, getting puked on but that was what babies did.  "Your cousin did the same thing the first time I burped her," he assured the baby.  "There's no reason to be self conscious about it, Xadrian.  It happens to all of us and you won't ever have an eating disorder."  He put him down and covered him with a sheet before leaving those two to talk.  Xander and Cougar needed to work out some fine details.  Including things like how he'd get visitation when they were on different continents.

***

A month and a half later, Xander walked into the airport with the team following him.  They got through the check in, security, all that until Customs.  Xander presented their passports.

The agent looked at him.  "You have to give the baby to his father, sir."

"I am his father."

"No, his natural father," he sneered.

Xander lifted his t-shirt to show off the scar.  "I gave birth to him, he's mine."  He glared at the man.  He pulled out his other ID.  "They did to me first."  The man stepped back, looking alarmed.  "So may my son and I go see the rest of the Council now?  They have to meet him."

"Yes, sir," he said, stamping them both so they could go on before he tainted him by being in the same area.  He took a break to go pray.

"Mood swing," Jensen said in a sing-song manner.

"At least the Pooch didn't have to watch too many of those," Pooch said dryly.  "Though the baby is clearly as touchy as the Pooch is because he just made a funny face at his daddy for that."

Xander looked down.   "You need changed now, really?" he complained, taking him to the bathroom to do that.  Of course the male bathrooms didn't have a changing area so he had to improvise.  He came out when they called boarding, handing over all the forms.

"No mother traveling with him today?" the gate girl asked with a smile.

"I am the mother."

"Oh!"  She nodded once.  "That's sweet of you, sir."  She handed back their ticket stubs, letting them get on.  She knew better than to argue with the passengers.

Xander sat down next to Jensen.  They had planned it that way. Cougar was across the aisle with Pooch.  Roque and Clay were in front of them.  The baby was in a stomach carrier so he didn't need his own seat.  Though he and Jensen had bought the extra seat in their row so they had room to put him down if necessary.  The stewardess smiled at him as she walked past.

Jensen and Xander prepared for takeoff, Xander feeding the baby a bottle of water as soon as the door was closed.  That would help with the ear popping problem he might have.  Jolene had suggested it.  It seemed to work, he slept through the first four hours of the very long flight.  The check-in at LAX to change to the flight to Cleveland wasn't as peaceful.  The baby was up and fussy.  The Customs agent sneered.  Xander held up his Council ID.  The guy backed down and nodded, not looking at him.

"You know, it's funny since I'm natively from up the road," he said dryly, smirking as he took their passports back.

"We had an incident the other day," the agent admitted.

"Yeah, I heard he got arrested for being orange and flying to see his sister lay her first egg.  There are peaceful demons.  We can provide you guys with a manual for identifying them if you want."

"We've since requested one.  The local slayer laid into us for that, sir."

Xander grinned.  "I trained her well and Buffy taught her to whine."  He walked off.  "C'mon, son, let's change that stinky thing you're laying and then we can go to Cleveland so all the girls can stare at you oddly."  The baby laid an extra large diaper for that threat.  Cougar was nice enough to take the baby to change though.  He wasn't sure why but hey, if he wanted to change him....  No one was going to complain.  Pooch had to make it across the airport for his flight to get back to his wife and son.  Jensen was getting clingy.  Xander stared at him.  He got grinned at.  "Relax.  I'm the uptight one, Jake."

"Fine."  He took his nephew back when Cougar came back with him.  "You had to change clothes?  Was he messy changing you?"

"He has the runs," Cougar said dryly, sitting down on Jensen's other side.  The baby was liking him.  He was always staring at his hat with a look like his father had before coffee.

***

Xander walked out of the secure section in Cleveland's airport, looking around.  "Did we misplace Clay?"

"He went to the rental car desk," Roque said.

"Cool beans.  I rented us an extra-large SUV that can fit seven.  That way we all fit."  He smirked.  Jake pulled out the baby seat from the checked luggage and they went to wait on Clay to pull up.  Xander put in the car seat efficiently and got the baby settled, sitting beside him.  Cougar got the baby's other side.  Jensen got the back seat all to himself since Roque was driving and Clay was nagivating.  Xander handed over directions.  They drove off, the baby falling asleep on the drive.  "I know, it's been a long day and the aunties will all squeal for hours," he soothed, rubbing a finger over his frown line.  His son was much too serious sometimes.  It took nearly forty-five minutes to get to the slayer compound.

"Bigger than I expected," Clay admitted.

"We're going to the main building.  The big, red brick one."  Roque nodded, putting in the code that was on the directions.  The gate opened for them and they drove in to find a place to park.  "Left."  Roque went left, finding the parking lot full of not-well-parked cars.  Xander looked.  "Zara, Tallie, and Kiko are in.  Cool.  Some of my girls."  He got out and took the baby, walking that way with his bags.  He walked into the main building, nothing.  No sound.  He closed his eyes and listened harder.  "Giles is in the office."  He went that way, taking the baby with him.  Giles didn't even look up when his door opened, not until the baby was put in front of him.

"Oh, my, he's very large."  He smiled at Xander.  "What did you name him?"  Xander handed over the new slayer paperwork.  "That's efficient, thank you."

"I know how much you hate paperwork," he said dryly.  "Xadrian, this is your uncle Giles."  He took him out so Giles could hold him.

"He's got a good bit of height and weight to him.  Healthy?"

"Very and he eats like I do," Xander said with a smirk.

"Are you breastfeeding?"

"Do I look like a girl?"

"Well, no."  He smiled at the baby.  "Your father must be tired from the trip."

"Yes, but I figured I'd get the squealing out of the way then sleep."

"That might be handy, yes."  He put him back into the carrier.  "We'll see him for official training when he's next imbued."

"Why?  It hasn't left him yet," Xander said, sitting down.

"It usually leaves within a week and a half."

"He's over a month old, Giles."  Giles stared at the birth certificate then at the baby.  "He's fully active at the moment.  That's why we had a small fire last night when Mommy had to clear out the demon with a flame thrower.  Which his daddy did not like."  He pointed behind him.  "I brought them too."

"Your brother and his father are of course welcome here and I'm sure the girls will have questions and attempts to talk the others into arm wrestling contests and things."  He smiled at them.  "Which is which?"

"I'm Jake, his twin," Jensen said with a grin.  "This is Cougar, the baby's father.  This is my team leader Clay, our demo expert Roque, and Pooch is at home with his wife and son."

"Wonderful.  Thank you for guarding one of our most precious things and Xander."

"Plenty of us consider Xander to be precious on his own," Jensen said with a grin.  Giles gave him a funny look but let it drop.  "Should we go announce him?"

"You can.  They're in the dorms having a movie night, boys."  He looked at Xander.  "Buffy is in a foul mood once again."

"Buffy needs laid, Giles.  That's the usual cause of the foul mood.  If she'd quit dating stakeable, disposable guys it might help."  He stood up.  "C'mon, Xadrian, let's go let the others squeal.  Dawn?"

"Up.  She helped with dinner."

"Cool."  He carried the baby over, listening to the arguing going on as they got closer to the dorm.  "Shit," he muttered, handing the baby to Cougar.  He walked in first.  "I taught your asses better than that, ladies.  You're creating a bad impression in front of guests."

"Xander!" one of the girls squealed, pouncing him to cuddle.  "No baby!"

"With his daddy."  He pointed.  "That is Xadrian Yahil Alvarez.  His daddy wanted him to have his last name."  He grinned.  "Sit," he ordered.  "We will not pounce the baby.  You'll hurt him."  Cougar put the baby down on the table so the girls could crowd around him.

"What does Xadrian mean?" one of the younger girls asked as she climbed up another one to see him.  That girl swatted at her.  "Not my fault you're a giant," she complained.

"It's a stupid made up name, both of them are," Buffy said.

"Actually, Yahil is a Spanish name," Jake said.  "To honor his father's heritage."  She glared at him.  "Need some chocolate, dear?"

"No, she needs to quit staking the boyfriends," Xander said, glaring at her.

"Whatever!  Is he going to be a slayer?"

"Yeah, he's still a slayer.  The essence hasn't left him yet."  He smirked at her.  "He does have the unknown line and he has a lot of them."  The girls beamed at that.  "Plus he has the essence line from the weapons side.  Which makes sense since his daddy's a gun guy and I'm still me."  He grinned.

"It'll make up for you tripping?" Buffy asked.  Xander popped her on the head.  "Ow!  Bitch!"

"Yes you are," Dawn agreed.  "Go find a toy or something, Buffy.  Your bitchiness is growing again."  She stomped off.  "Sorry," she told them.  "She needs laid really badly and can't find a date."

"I know a few people who'd offer to buy her as a wife," Clay offered.

Xander grinned at him.  "We should compare lists."  The other girls laughed.  "So anyway, that is the son.  He is one of you.  He's making that face again so I'll have to change him in a minute."

"We're in for six days," Jensen told them.  "That way everyone can get a good coo in."  The girls all smiled, taking them to their suite of rooms and Xander's room for him and the baby.  They pulled in a cot for Jake or Cougar to have and let Xander change the baby.  They had seen many gross things but diapers were worse.  Xander came back out without the baby and they let him sit with them to watch movies.  Jake and Cougar came out with the sleeping baby and he got passed around.  Even Buffy slunk back and took her turn holding him.

"Don't worry, I'll teach you how to shop, little guy.  That way you dress better than your father."

"If you put him in pink I'm so beating you to death," Xander said dryly.  "He's going to mostly be a normal boy."  The girls all beamed at him and tried to get the baby back.  Xander watched Buffy and finally texted someone.  He knew someone who had a crush on her.  She was ignoring it though.  That one showed up and knelt beside her, stroking over her hair, earning a funny look.

"I think you are the most wonderful thing ever," he said with a smile.  "I would be honored if you would consent to date me, Buffy.  Not as a slayer but as a woman.  I have admired you for years, even before you were chosen."  She gaped, making squeaky noises.  He smiled.  "Come, we have horses and I'm told girls like horses."  He took her with him.

"Aww," Dawn said, grinning at the girls.  "Twu wuv does happen."  They all grinned back.

"He's the biggest collection of everything about Buffy.  He's had a crush on her since she was a kid," Xander said with a grin.  "I figured it was time for him to make his move."  He took his son back, smiling since he was awake.  "Did the cooing wake you?  Want a bottle?"  He got handed one by Jake.  "Thank you."  They stole him back to feed him.  "Make sure he burps about every two ounces, ladies."  He looked around.  "I figured some of you would be pouncing the guys to talk to them and challenge them."  A few of the older girls went to do that with a smirk of evilness between them.

"Remember to play nicely, ladies, they're normal," Dawn called after them, cracking Cougar up.  "Slay hard, play hard," she quipped, getting a bunch of nods.

The youngest one took the baby to hold.  "I'm not old enough for that.  I just admire prettiness at my age.  Xander, your twin is very pretty."

"And smart.  He's a hacker too."  He pointed.  "Those three and the short stuff there are all IT slayers."  Jensen moved to talk to them about hacking stuff.  Cougar got settled and the girls asked him about weapons.  They loved weapons.  It let the guys relax and Cougar see how insane some of his friends were.

Buffy showed up a few hours later looking pink cheeked and happy but slugged Xander on the arm.  "Next time, just set up a blind date, Xander."  She walked around the baby.  "Those things are contagious, ladies."

"Plenty of us want one some day anyway," Dawn quipped.  The girls mostly nodded and smiled.  "Those that don't are getting in a vicarious thrill and their baby cooing time for the year."  The others laughed and nodded at that.

"Diapers are the reason for birth control," one agreed dryly, handing him to his daddy, who took him to change him.  "Aww, a father who changes diapers!  How cool!"

"Most good ones would," Jensen assured her with a smile.  "If he won't, you definitely don't want him."

"Yeah but they're nice in bed while it lasts."  That got a mass giggle.

***

Cougar drove his little family to his home.  Jensen and the baby were in the back seat.  Xander was napping beside him.  He paused before turning off to wake Xander up.  "We're nearly there."

"They'll squeal just as much as the slayers did," Jensen assured him.  He checked the baby.  "We're damp.  Let me change him, Cougar."  He pulled off so Jensen could do that.  Not like Cougar's sisters or mother would let the baby go for hours.  He buckled him back in and nodded.  They drove up the road to the house, staring at the waiting people on the porch.  Jake got out first, grinning.  "Hi."

"Jensen," Mama squealed, coming over to hug him.  "You came too?"

"Xander is my twin brother."  He gave her a hug.  "We just changed him."  Xander got out and got the baby out, holding him so the others could see him - resting against his chest, one hand under his butt, letting him stare at all the cooing blurs of people.  Jensen let her hug her son and walked her around.  "Mama Alvarez, this is Xadrian Yahir Alvarez."

"Oh, how adorable," she cooed as she took him from Xander.  "You come right inside and sit down, Xander.  You must be tired."

"He's been good today.  The flight wasn't too long and we only had one fussy moment that some pacing cured."  He followed beside Cougar.  "Hi," he said with a polite nod.  "I'm Xander."  The girls all smiled and their husbands scowled.  He glared at one who was glaring at him.  He backed down.  "He ate an hour ago," he called, following his son.  "But he'll probably still burp on you if you do that."  The sister patting him shrugged and settled in to cuddle the nephew none of them had dreamed would come into being.  Xander shot Cougar a look, getting a smirk back.  He got sat down by Jake and they got to watch the whole family coo over him.

"Who will raise him?" Mama asked.  Xander raised his hand.  "You're a man."

"I know that.  He's my son."  He smiled.  "He'll be perfectly safe with me.  He'll be protected, loved on, all that.  I'll even keep most of the slayers from teaching him how to shop."

"You work with them?" the husband that had glared asked semi-politely.

"Yes, I'm the roving trainer and still currently second-in-command."  He looked at Jensen.  "Weren't we going to clear up that issue with Giles?"

"I asked, he said it was keeping Willow out of there.  Or Buffy."  Xander nodded that made sense.  "So you're partially retired."  He grinned, giving him a shoulder nudge.  "You know, he's sweet enough to encourage cousins.  He nearly got some semi-cousins from the slayers."

Xander nodded.  "Two of them cooed so hard they forgot to use condoms.  Thankfully their boyfriends had sense."

"I thought it was cute Dawn was the one who complained at them about that," Jensen said.

"That was a universal Summers woman needs a boyfriend batsignal.  Apparently her school in Brazil isn't full of cute guys like she wanted."

"Is she Brazilian?" Mama asked.

"No, she just wanted to get away from her sister and all the other complaining ones.  Brazil's slayer house has the girls she hangs out with most of the time so she went there."

"Her mother doesn't mind?"

"Her mother's been dead for a few years," Xander said quietly.  "She died before Sunnydale fell in of a brain tumor."

"That poor thing."

"Which one is Dawn?" one of the younger ones asked.

"The brunette fashionable one that's not a slayer.  One of our head researchers.  Her sister is Buffy, one of the two senior girls."

"Oh, the cute one!" she said with a smile.

Jensen smiled and nodded.  "She is very cute, and a genius with languages.  She speaks six?" he asked Xander, who nodded.  "Fluently and she's twenty-one or so."

"Twenty-three and she reads another ten, including four demon languages.  She's working on a special project translating and taking down native languages of tribes in the rain forest."  He smiled.  "We're all very proud of Dawnie.  I've known her since she was a teenager."

"You are retired from all that?" one of the husbands asked.

"Slightly," Xander admitted.  "Instead of roaming to train the girls I'll be getting some sent to me to train them.  Some of the ones who reached that final calling stage early and those who weren't found until they officially broke out.  Plus any guys that're called since I'll have the most experience in their training."

"I thought only girls were chosen," Mama said suspiciously.

"Until him," Xander corrected.  "The ones who mystically got me pregnant made sure he'd be a slayer so he's not going to turn into a threat against the girls.  That opened the way for later boys to be called."

"That's dangerous," Mama said.

"He'll be getting more training than most of the girls since we know about him younger than we did about them," Xander assured her.  "He'll be getting all the theory I can give him and taking lessons when I can, all that.  I'm going to make him as safe as he can be if he decides to go to a slayer house for a few years."

"You would make him go?" one of his sisters asked.

"No, that would be up to him, the same as it is for every slayer when they turn seventeen. Before then every slayer, even those who won't want to go to a house, train with the other girls or with private tutors if their family demands.  Then they spend their last year with us learning more about their areas, meeting the girls down there, doing the more intense, area-specific training.  I won't say we haven't overruled some who really wanted to go that weren't ready or suited to that sort of hunting, but we'd never force anyone to do anything.

"The slayer essence may push a bit but some have retired after training to as normal of a life as they can manage.  They fall back to massive apocalypse battles and self protection or protect their areas.  Some of the girls in more rural areas across the world stay with their villages because they're important to them, they do the majority of hunting and protecting mostly.  By the time he's seventeen I'll be ancient and he may decide to take over my roaming training job.  No one can tell until he's of age."

"That's still dangerous.  What if something attacks you because of an apocalypse?"

"Then I'll be able to handle it and once he's old enough to start learning, the first thing he's learning is how to hide himself should something happen.  Even as an active slayer, which he is, almost no one attacks me."

"Still, apocalypses...."

Xander shook his head.  "I know before them most of the time since I'm one of the main seers at the Council, Mrs. Alvarez."  She gasped, staring at him in horror.  "I'm also a prophecy negator.  There's a lot of higher powers who respect me for the way I've made things go the way they should for the slayers and how I've averted other things by negotiating peace treaties between clans that would've spilled their civil war down here."

He stared at her.  "My son will be the safest he can be with me and if it's a matter of a battle where I have to help, he'll have a reasonably safe sitter with all the protections I can put around them."  She relaxed and nodded.  "If his father isn't off on a mission it'll probably be him or his teammates since he's going to be faster than the average baby."

"All babies are fast," one sister snorted.

"No, active slayers have the speed, stamina, and grace of a professional athlete when they're teenagers," Xander told her.  "We have fourteen-year-old girls who can do under a four minute mile if they're pushing themselves.  Slayers are stronger, faster, have more stamina, and instinctively know fighting styles.  Which is why he won't be allowed in any team sports or anything where he has to compete against normal kids when he's in school.  Maybe a martial arts competition but I'm not sure if that'd be ethical either."

"So when he's called he'll get all this downloaded into him?" Mama asked.

"Most slayers are called in their early teens, as they hit their last growth spurt or just before it.  He's been active since before he was born.  Some of the younger slayers are, that's usually because the area they're in will need them to be able to use the demon sensing abilities or something to protect themselves.  It doesn't take into account that mommy or daddy may be able to protect them," he said at the opening mouth.  "The three girls we have who have demon hunting parents were also activated very young because daddy or mommy has to hunt them.  One who has a mother that works in a demon bank activated young too because mommy was surrounded by demons all the time.  Even if there's peaceful ones around."

"There's peaceful ones?" Mama asked.

"There's a greater majority of them than there are any other sort.  You didn't know that?" She shook her head.  "Yeah.  Less than seventy percent of all demon species are considered inherently evil.  We're actually taking a look at those numbers since some of it was biased by ancient Watchers who thought redheads were evil and things.  Two clans of Scottish demons were considered evil because they're Scottish."  He shrugged.  "The Council was made up of British white guys who weren't always nice."

She made a disapproving sound.  "They needed better guidance from God."

"They're long dead so hopefully they got some sort of instruction."  She smiled and took the baby to cuddle.  He glanced at Cougar, who looked really relaxed but it was his family so Xander guessed he should.

"Are you planning on more children?" one of the sisters asked.

"No," Xander said.  "I didn't plan on that one," he admitted, shifting to cross his feet at the ankle.  "I didn't think I'd have kids and there's days I think it's downright selfish of me to do so."  She gaped.  "We knew before he got put into me that any child I had would have a very high chance of being a slayer.  That plus my duty to help my girls, any real girlfriend I would have would have to be involved in the life or be very tolerant.  Especially since I've spent the last four years traveling six different continents."  She whimpered.  "Yeah, I thought kids were mystical beings.  And he proves it every single time I try to sleep, which makes him scream."

One of the younger nieces looked at him.  "Are you going to marry Uncle Carlos?" she asked.

"I'm leaving that up to him, munchkin."  He grinned.  "If he wants to work out so he just has visitation then that's all up to him."

"That's not how a family works," Mama said.

"And again, he's gone nine months of the year doing his thing and I'm going to be overseas at the compound Giles gave me."  He stared at her.  "You can have as much visitation as you want, Mrs. Alvarez, but I will be making sure that nothing will touch your house."  She smiled at him for that, going back to fussing over the baby.  He handed the nearest husband the diaper bag.  "He's making that face."  He passed it down to his wife, who took the baby to change.  Her mother followed.  Xander was being stared at and he hated it.  But he guessed this was part of the 'outsider to the group' thing.

"What happened to your eye?" that niece asked.

"Before Sunnydale fell in, a minion of the bad guy decided I needed to see differently."  He touched the patch to make sure it covered the hole then looked at her again.  "It set off the visions I have."

"Does it always work that way?" she asked.

"No.  There's all sorts of different ways to get visions.  One of the people we worked with in high school got hers gifted from a higher power.  I think you guys met Cordelia."  They all nodded and looked away.  "I used to date Cordelia," he sighed.  "It was very tough at times."  One of the husbands snickered.  "Seriously, we were either sniping at each other or in a closet at the school."  He shrugged.  "I won't say it was a healthy relationship but it was one of my first."

Jensen looked at him.  "I didn't know you dated the Queen of the town."

"Yeah, and then Willow panicked about being a big girl and things changing, so we ended up kissing.  Which got Cordelia hurt, which made her accidentally give Anya permission to create a wish universe and got me to cast a botched love spell.  It was so soap opera back then, Jake."

"Anya, like your ex?" Cougar asked, looking confused.

"Yeah, her answering a wish for Cordelia was how her power center got broken," he said dryly.  "Which is why I took her to the prom and later nearly married her."  Cougar shook his head quickly.  "She was my longest term relationship," he said dryly.  "It nearly happened and would have if I hadn't been shown how miserable she'd be."  He shrugged.  "Love can make you do the wacky."

"Definitely and I'm so glad I haven't had anyone that bad yet," Jake sighed, making Cougar swat him.  "What?  I'm starting to wonder if we're related to Clay or not."

"I did some searching back.  About seven generations our cousins became in-laws but nothing closer that I could find," Xander told him with a grin.

"Interesting."  He looked at the family again, realizing that Xander was nervous for a reason.  The women came back out without the baby.  "Did the bedroom eat him?" he asked with a grin.

"No, the poor dear is down for a nap.  I pulled down the family crib."

Xander smiled.  "I haven't even thought about what I want for a nursery because I wasn't sure I'd be staying over there.  Right now his room has pale cream walls that need to be washed again probably and a cobweb up next to the ceiling.  He's been in a playpen beside my bed."

"Most babies do live in a cradle in their parents room," Mama assured him.  "Are you going to decorate?"

"Probably at least paint and things.  Clean the walls again.  That stuff.  Think about buying a sturdier crib for the next month because I'm not sure what I'm doing about that yet."

She frowned.  "You can have his here."

"No, that's a family heirloom and I'm sure there's going to be many more grandchildren," he said, looking at one daughter, who nodded, holding her stomach.  "I had morning sickness for *eight months*," he told her.  "I hope yours is nicer to your insides."

"So do I."  Her husband stared at her.  "I was going to announce it at dinner?"  He hugged her with a groan.  "I'm still going to work."

"Of course you are," he agreed.

"You make good money, she could stay home, as is proper," Mama said, glaring at her daughter.

"Then we can't make the house payment, Mama.  Quit.  Modern women can work and have kids."

Xander nodded.  "Mine's going to go to work with me," he quipped, cracking Jensen up.  "All the slayers cooed at him until he probably thinks that's his native language."  The women laughed at that.  "He'd never learn to walk around them because they never let him sleep.  They hold him more than Jake does."

"I thought it was nice most of the ones you trained overseas showed up," Jake offered with a grin.

"It was nice.  Though I might have to go yell at Mel's husband again.  He's being a di...jerk about things."

"One of the slayers is pregnant?" the younger niece asked.

"Yup, the one in Saudi is pregnant.  She's late first trimester I think.  Her husband's being...weird about things.  Especially since half the coven doesn't like him.  They went over as a large group to protect her."  He smirked.  "She's well guarded because she has backup from her government as well.  There's a whole military unit she works with and has brokered a lot of peace treaties with some desert tribes and things like that.  She doesn't have the hardest job so she'll probably be fine but we're still worried because that means she's a bit vulnerable.  Can't really defend yourself when you're carrying an extra thirty pounds."

"No, you can't," Mama agreed.  "Have others?"

"Some.  Not a whole lot since the mass calling.  Some of them got attacked, some had car accidents, some had boyfriend accidents, but the ones who got to give birth are healthy little kids.  One brought her son over to chew on his fingers for him.  He thought he was sweet, even after a diaper change."

"He is very sweet," Mama assured him.  "And quite large."

Xander nodded.  "Very huge.  I'm very glad he came out via my stomach instead."

"Was it the ...gifting of him to you that started off that other man ability to have one?" one of the husbands asked.

"Not quite.  That was someone who had decided it was too dangerous to have me around the center while pregnant and had me forcibly retired having a crackhead moment and deciding I could come back if others had that gift.  I had to blow a favor owed to make sure it couldn't happen accidentally since we couldn't undo her wish to cause chaos.  So now you have to realize it, want it, all that stuff."

"It would be better if people had children that way anyway," Mama agreed, smiling at him.  "That one should not be on the news."

"If you look at it one way, it's practical and telling others that it can happen.  From what I understand he was just wanting a family of his own.  He and his spouse were working on plans to adopt a child."  She shuddered.  "I have no problem with gay people, Mrs. Alvarez, nor will I ever."  He stared at her.  "You'll never hear my son badmouthing them either.  Xadrian is going to learn to be very tolerant because I don't discriminate against anyone but those who hurt people for fun and bigots."

"I can see that point even though it is not my way," she assured him.  He smiled.  "He has been baptized?"

"The priest I talked to did one as well as a few other faiths baptizing him," Cougar told his mother.  "That way he's accepted by all."

"He will be raised Catholic?"

"No, because I'm not," Xander told her.  "He'll be raised to make that decision after trying it out for himself.  Slayers are non-denominational.  We have people of every faith just about.  I tend to lean more towards the Jedi code personally.  Some of the slayers are Hindu, some are Christian, some are Wicca or other nature faiths, a few are Muslim.  We have one from Jamaica who is a great believer in Voodun.  I know there's higher powers, my ex works for one and some have gotten really mad at me in the past for being somewhere they hadn't expected," he finished dryly.  "He'll learn to ask questions of people of other faiths to learn more about them and make his own choice.  Even from his father."

"Like on that James Bond movie?" one of the husbands asked, looking confused.

"The religion side and there's more than that to the religion," Xander offered with a grin.  "I have a great resource in my library about different faiths and I can send you the title if you want."

"No thanks, that might warp the way I see the world."

"It is a lot wider when you get out of where you've always been," Xander said.  "I had no idea there were still cannibal tribes in Africa until I ran into them twice."

Jake leaned over to look at him.  "You can't go back there or Russia," he said bluntly, cracking Cougar up.

Xander stared at him.  "They won't eat me.  They got convinced not to the first time when I shot one and then did first aid to make sure he didn't die.  They treat me respectfully now."

"Fine.  You still can't go back there."

Xander rolled his eyes.  "Sure, and neither can you, Jake."

"Sure, I'm for that," he agreed.  "They might think Roque would make a good stew.  He is kinda tough and stringy so he'd take a lot of cooking," he said when everyone looked at him.  Cougar swatted him on the head.  "Ow!"

Cougar shook his head, looking up to pray for sanity.  "You can tell Clay you made that bet," Xander offered with a grin.   Cougar stared at him then swatted him too.  "Hey!"

"Please behave?" he asked quietly.

"We are."

"We are," Jake agreed, texting that to Roque's phone.  Somewhere in Atlanta, Roque got the text message and went to get a bottle to take that image out of his head.  He showed it to Clay, who took the bottle from him and drank half of it.  Jake smiled and put up his phone.  "Just checking in to make sure they know we're still all right," he chirped.

"You three must be tired," Mama said, getting up.  "Let me get you rooms."  They shrugged and followed her.  Xander got the baby and the other two moved the crib.  She watched, giving them a funny look.  "Of course he'll sleep in your room, Xander."  Xander beamed and waved the sleeping baby's hand for him.  She watched them settle in and Xander rest with the baby.  She went back downstairs to talk to her family.

Cougar was listening and came down to stop the idea again.  Not that he didn't love his mother.... but no.  She was not going to take custody of the baby.  He did not want to see demons invade the family home over the baby at all.  They argued for a good hour until they heard the baby fuss and get up.  Cougar glared at his siblings, who looked away.

***

Two days later Xander got another vision and held his head while it came.  He took a few deep breaths, shrugging off the hand on his back.  "Jake ,we have to go see our sister soon.  If we're not there, she's going to have a car accident and get really injured.  So our niece will have to stay with one of us."

"Sure," he agreed.  He looked at Cougar, who nodded he'd come.  "Cool.  Sorry, family, but looks like we gotta go save our sister from the mean cars."

"A drunk driver idiot," Xander said.  He took the baby from Cougar.  "Let the other daddy eat," he soothed, sticking the bottle in his mouth.  "Then we'll be on the big plane tonight so we can save your auntie tomorrow.  Yes we will."  The baby cooed back so he smiled.  "That's such a big boy.  Finish the baba so we can clean you up."  He finished dinner and took him upstairs to bathe him and get him changed and dressed for the trip.  Cougar came in to stare over his shoulder, making him look up at him.  Cougar rolled his eyes, he knew what Xander had seen.  "You sure you want to come?"

Cougar nodded, going to tell Jake that.  Jake was making reservations.

***

Xander stepped into the body scanner with the baby.  As ordered.  He got out and the guard waved him over.  "What?"

"We have to search him, sir.  There was something metal reported on him."

Xander looked then held up the protection amulet he wore on his wrist.  "That?"  The guard scowled at him.  "It doesn't come off.  I told the guy back there that."

"Why not?  It looks like it ties."  Xander held up his Council ID, getting a glare.  "Oh, you're one of them."

"Yes, and this is my son, who if you grope I'll kick your ass."  He smiled.  "Orange eyes, really?"  The man stepped back, looking alarmed.  "Where did the metal seem to come from?"

"From the area you were holding by."

Xander looked at his arm, then held it up.  "Not my watch, it's all plastic and ceramic."  The hand wand came over to beep on them.  He looked where it beeped and frowned, handing Cougar the baby to hold while he patted him down himself.  "Ah, your brother with the job he wouldn't mention," he said, holding up the bug.

"They are overprotective," he admitted.  He checked the rest of the baby, handing them the bug.

"Sir, can I see your Green Card please?" the guard sneered.

Carlos held up his dogtags.  Then his military ID.  The guy backed down at the look in his eyes.

"Fuck it, I'm tired," Xander said.  He glared at the guard.  "You wanna try a third attempt?"

Jake walked past, taking the baby to coo at.  "C'mon, we'll get your daddy some soda so he calms down," he cooed.  "Yes we will."

A supervisor came stomping over.  "That amulet...."

"Will not be removed," Xander said, holding up his Council ID.  The man stepped back.  "You know very well we do not have to remove protection marks."  He pointed at the bug.  "That I did not know about or I would have left it in the rental car.  I'm sorry his uncle got a bit paranoid about things.  Now, is there anything else?"

"I believe your friend needed to show his Green Card."  Cougar held up his military ID.  He glared.  "Really?"

"Really."  He smirked.  He pointed at clean cut guy in fatigues, waving him over.  "Is this the proper ID?"

He looked.  "Looks like mine only mine's in Florida and I'm in the Navy, Sergeant."  He handed it back.  He smiled at the guards.  "They gave me grief over mine too.  Did you guys not get briefed on what military ID looks like?"  He walked off.  "Have a good flight, sir."

"You too, Corporal," Xander called.  "Thank you."  The guy grinned at him.  He looked at the guards.  Then at Cougar.  "Navy wearing BDU's?" he asked.

"I've seen it," Jake said as he walked back.  "Yeah, he is."  He handed back the baby and the soda, letting Cougar take the baby.  "Is there more of a problem with your racist profiling because his family were Mexican?  If not, we have a flight to catch and I've already grabbed their gear so it's not bothered."  He smiled.

"No, no problem," the supervisor said.

"Don't worry, we'll never come through this dinky airport ever again," Xander assured him.  "There's a bigger one fifty miles away."  He walked off with them, taking his bag back.  He put on the stomach carrier system and put the baby into it.  Cougar took the baby back so he handed over the carrier system.  That worked and Cougar was happy with that.  So was the baby.  Xander refilled a bottle with some juice for him for the take off and they waited.  Xander spotted someone watching them and waved.  "Yes, Officer?"

"Sir, who is that child's mother?"  Xander pulled up his shirt to show the c-section scar.  "Oh.  So...."

"Mother, father," Xander said with a point.  "Higher power made him.  Why?  His mom trying something?"

"She said she's supposed to have legal custody?"

"No, she doesn't even have the formal right of visitation right now," Xander said dryly.  "There is no paperwork saying otherwise unless she forged it."  He pulled out his birth certificate.

He read it, sending that back to that officer there, who said she didn't know the baby's birthday, didn't have a copy, and the paperwork was a bit handwritten.  "A non-binding one even?"

"No," Cougar said.  "My mother is mad," he said in Spanish.  "She wanted to keep the baby.  We would not let her."

"I can understand that, sir.  Thank you for your patience."

Xander smiled.  "I knew she was going to try something.  The vision I had showed it."  He smirked at Cougar.  "You might want to talk to your middle sister about what she tells her child to say."  Cougar called home to talk to her, making her start to shout.  The baby jumped, starting to fuss so Xander took him to get him back to sleep.  Cougar walked off with the officer talking to his sister.  He got them into a corner and put her on speaking so the officer could hear what their mother had told her to teach her daughter to say.

They all said they were trying to protect the baby but Carlos told them why they weren't.  Why he wasn't going to let them see him at all if they kept this up, and that yes, the baby was going to be with them exclusively.  He hung up and looked at the officer, who patted him on the shoulder as he walked off.  Cougar stared at Xander.  "Yeah, that's the vision I had at the table," he said quietly.

Cougar nodded.  "Tell me next time so I can spank."

"Okay.  I can do that if there's a next time."  Cougar smiled and nodded.  Their boarding was called and they got on the plane.  "Did we get the extra seat, Jensen?"

"No, there wasn't any open."

"Shoot.  Are we together?"

"Slightly.  I'm behind you, Coug's across the aisle."  They settled in.

The stewardess looked at him.  "Shouldn't he be in a car seat, sir?"

"No, he's just fine," he said with a smile.  "This way he'll sleep most of it."

"If we have an emergency...."

"The car seat wouldn't protect him either," he assured her.  "He's fine."  She nodded and walked off.  He looked down at the napping baby.  As soon as they were taxiing he stuck the bottle back into his mouth.  He sucked by reflex, but still fussed because the change in pressure hurt his ears.  His seatmates were glaring.  Xander glared back.  They decided to mind their own business.  Cougar handed over the diaper bag, letting Xander dig for something for his own ears.  The baby settled back into his nap and it was better.  When he woke up again, Xander let Cougar have him, carrier and all.  That made Xadrian happy and Cougar got to change a diaper.  Which the stewardess glared at him for.  But yay.  They were never flying this airline again.

Xander sent up his own prayers that things would be stopped before he had a fit and lost his temper.  That helped a lot of things stop bothering them.

***

Jake let them into the house.  It was two in the morning.  All the lights were off.  He let the other two proceed him in and then turned to close the door and turned back on the alarm system.  He pointed at the couch, getting a nod from Cougar.  Xander got Cougar's usual guest room and Jake went to his own bed.  It had been a very long night.

***

Xander felt someone staring at him so blinked at them.  "Yes?" he asked dryly.

The girl stared at him.  "Who're you?"

"Jake?" he called.

Jake leaned in.  "Elizabeth, this is my other sibling, Xander, and the baby is his son.  Elizabeth was staying over last night."

"Nice to meet you, Elizabeth.  Who has the baby?"

"Cougar took him on his run," Jake said with a grin.  "C'mon, I'm making pancakes."

"You don't want to miss those," Xander told her.  She ran out.  He shook his head quickly, getting up to put on more than sweats.  He even put on socks because he wasn't sure how fussy his sister was about bare feet in the house.   He sat down next to the girl he had seen a few times.  "Hi."

"Uncle Xander?" she asked, staring in awe.  He nodded.  She squealed and hugged him.  "Oh!   Mommy said you were coming next week!"

"We were but we needed to let Cougar's mommy rest," Xander said, patting her on the back with a grin.  "Speaking of, he has your cousin."

"Cool!"  She ran around the house to find him, then opened the door.  "Uncle Cougar, I want to see my cousin now please!" she shouted.

"Quit being so loud before you wake the neighbors," Jake called, shooting Xander a look.  Xander shrugged slightly, ducking his head.

"Close the door.  You're letting all the heat out and heat is expensive," a female voice called.

"Uncle Cougar has my cousin and I want him now!" she shouted back.  She walked outside, looking around.  There he was.  She ran over to where he was in the park.  She didn't care if she was only wearing socks and pajamas.  He caught her, keeping her off the baby.  "That's my cousin," she said happily.

"Si."  He carried her back to the house, putting her down once she was inside.  "You're chilled.  Go change."  She ran off to do that while he closed the door.   "Sorry," he told Jess quietly.  She hugged him and kissed the baby on the head.  "My mother tried to claim the baby."

"He's very sweet."  She walked him back there.  She stared at Xander then hugged him as hard as she could.  "Dickhead, I missed you."

He stared at her.  "Uh-huh."  She swatted him but he hugged her back.  She relaxed again.  She sat down, letting Jake make pancakes.  "He spoiled me rotten with them."

"Good!"  She took the baby once he was out of the carrier, sitting him in her lap.  "Aren't you so precious?" she cooed.  Her daughter came back and made Cougar shift down a seat.  "Apologize."

"Sorry, Uncle Cougar, but I really want to cuddle my cousin."  He nodded that was fine, taking his pancake from Jensen.

"Elizabeth, did you want strawberry syrup, blueberry syrup, or regular syrup?" Jake asked.

"Please no fruit.  It makes me have a rash."

"That's cool.  We can make sure you don't get any," he promised with a smile, handing her a plain one with just margarine and regular syrup.  Jess got her favorite one and he offered the other girl the can of whipped cream.  She loaded hers up and handed it back.  Jake sat down on the stool he had pulled in.  "Jess, tip his head up?"  She looked and shifted so he was more cradled against her chest.

"There's days he seems to want to lay in a little ball," Xander told her.  He spotted Huffy and waved for it to disappear for a few minutes.  "Let me check for the paper.  For some reason I swear I heard it hit the back porch."  He got up and went out there, closing the door firmly behind him.  The hellhound reappeared.  He petted him.  The thing was whimpering.

"I'll take care of it," he promised.  "If she's alive, protect her.  Take her if you must, give her to Giles."  The hellhound nodded, leaving with the orders he had given.  He walked in and grabbed his phone from his room, speaking in Arabic on the way back to the table.  "What happened?  I just saw her friendly mutt.  What?"  He listened.  "No, she leaves.  Now.  I don't care what her husband wants.  Do I need to come get her?"  He smirked.

"Bet me."  He walked outside again, looking up to say something in another language.  "There, it's not a problem."  He hung up and called Giles.  "Mel's coming your way and probably needs the infirmary.  Apparently his needs counteracted her duty."  He hung up.  He caught control of his temper before he walked back inside.  "Sorry.  Someone I work with is having an issue with her husband."  He sat down again, his phone going on the counter behind him.  "She'll be fine.  Giles will have her in a few minutes.  But no paper.  I must've heard wrong."  The girls quit staring at him and ate.  He dug in himself.

"Need a sitter while you go check on her?" Jensen asked quietly.

"No, Huffy is going to get her somewhere else."  He smiled.  "I love that mutt for how protective he is."

"Yeah, I can agree he is," Jensen agreed.  "Eat, you're still underweight."

"Nag," he teased with a grin.  "Does he nag you too, Jess?"

"Not that often but I eat breakfast most every morning."

He looked at her.  "He wouldn't let me."

"I heard."  She patted his arm.  Xander ate and it was better.  When a text message came in she handed over the phone.  "Looks like she's safely in the infirmary?"

"Apparently it's a good decision for her."  He sent a message to another number.  "I'm telling her father that so he won't worry."  He sent it and put his phone back.  "Hopefully that's the only crisis this week."

"We all hope so," Jess agreed.  She looked at him.  He leaned over to tell her enough that she quit worrying.  She nodded and dug in again.  "Jake, you still have the touch with pancakes."

"Yes I do," he agreed.  "Do we need to drive Elizabeth home?"

"No, her parents will be here about ten for her.  The girls can play with the baby for a bit."

"He's my cousin," she told Elizabeth with a grin.  "He's very tiny."

"He's not quite two months old yet," Xander agreed.  "So you have to be pretty gentle with him, got it?"  Both girls nodded and smiled.  "Cool.  You guys can play with him in the living room."  Jess put the baby out there for them, letting them cuddle him and tell him stories.  Xander could see and so could Cougar.  So it'd be fine and the adults could finish the really good breakfast.  Xander took the whipped cream to use too.

"Good, you're much too skinny," Jess said.  She heard the fuss and looked.  "What's wrong?"

"He didn't want to wiggle and we put down his shirt, mommy."

"Okay.  Just be very gentle."  They smiled at her.

Cougar waved his fork while he chewed.  He was watching them.   The girls were being very nice and reading to him at the moment about princesses.  His poor son was surrounded by girls.  It would warp him horribly.

When Elizabeth's parents showed up, Jess went out to talk to them.  "I haven't gotten her packed yet.  My brothers showed up a week early with one's new son," she said with a smile.  "Elizabeth has been helping play with him all morning."

"We can come in for a few minutes," the mother assured her, following her inside.  "Aww, he's adorable."

Xander looked up from his reading.  "Thank you," he said with a smile.  "The girls demanded playing rights."

"That's fine.  It's a good lesson for them."  She smiled at her daughter.  "Your father's waiting."  She ran to get her bag and pillow.  She came bouncing back out grinning and happy.

"Mommy, can we have one of those?"

"No, dear.  Your father only wanted you.  That made you more special."  Elizabeth beamed at her for that.  She looked at the watching father.  "You're planning on more?"

"No.  I didn't really plan on him," he said dryly.  "He just kinda appeared out of the blue."  He waved a hand.  She gaped.  He smiled.  "I recognize you from somewhere."

She swallowed.  "You came to talk to my sister, Michelle."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "How is she doing?"

"Fairly good now that she's back home and settled in again.  Things are fairly quiet and her daughter is getting scrutinized."

"Unless she has the mole there's no need to worry.   Also, check the boys."  He nodded at his son.  "He's the one that allowed that to happen."  The mother gaped.  Xander nodded.

"Oh, dear.  She has a son, we can check.  That same mole?"

"Yup.  And if she needs the testing solution, let me know and I'll get her some."

"I can do that.  Thank you, Mr. Harris."

"Not a problem.  We want all of them to have healthy, happy lives for as long as possible."

She smiled and nodded.  "We do hope so."  She hugged her daughter.  "I'm so glad you weren't born with one."  She walked her out to the car, taking her home to call her sister.  Her husband hated to hear about such things but oh well.  That's why they only had the one child.

Xander shrugged when Jess stared at him.  "I was back for all of three days when I ran into her sister being attacked in DC."

"You're retired, right?"

"Fallen back to training," he said dryly.  "At the compound."

"Fine."  She took the baby to hold, making her daughter pout.  "It's my turn.  It's not like Uncle Jake has one I can spoil and love on."

"Uncle Jake, when are you going to give me cousins?" their niece demanded, scowling at him.  "I need more cousins so I'm normal."

He shrugged.  "Whenever I find someone I consider good enough to make babies with."

She pouted.  "You can do like that guy on tv and have one."

"I know but I haven't slept with a guy that way."

"Oh.  You mean guys having babies take two guys?" she demanded.  Her mother nodded.  "But when mommies do it, it only takes one daddy and a mommy."

"Yeah but for men to have babies certain things have to happen and mommies can't actually do that," Xander told her.  "You'll find that out when you're older."

"Is that about why boys and girls are different?" she demanded of her Uncle Jake.  He was really smart and knew everything.

"Yup."

"Well, shoot."  She sat down to cuddle the baby.  "So, Uncle Xander, did you have fun with Uncle Cougar?"

"Mine was done by a witch, sweetie.  Sorry."

"Meanie."

"Yeah, kinda."

She shrugged and stole the baby to cuddle, climbing into her mother's lap.  "Now we can both cuddle him."  She smiled and nodded, cuddling them both.  "I'll make sure you learn about good kid things.  I don't think Uncle Jake knows much about them even though he knows everything."

"It's been a while since we were kids," Xander agreed with a smile.   "You are so much like your mommy when she was little."  The girl beamed at him.

"She is, yeah," Jake agreed with a smirk.  The baby fussed.  "What's wrong?" he asked, tipping his head to look at him.  "Are we ignoring you, Xadrian?"

She sniffed and handed the baby back.  "He's pooping," their niece declared.

"You know, some day you'll have one and have to change all the diapers," Jake teased, taking him to change, but Cougar took him instead.  "Okay.  Thanks."

"Thanks," Xander agreed, looking confused.  Jake shrugged.

"Where is the compound?" Jess asked.

"Malaysia."

"There's none closer?" she complained.

"No.  Not with a private beach, all sorts of equipment, a lot of privacy, mostly safe," Xander said with a small shrug.

"Shit."  She hugged her daughter.  "We'll have to get you a passport so we can visit."

Cougar came back with the baby.  "He may be able to travel some for leave times," he said quietly, handing her the baby again.  The baby let out a squeal, making all of them stare at him.

"Are you happy, son?" Xander asked with a grin, taking him back.  "Did your Auntie Dawn possess you?"  He cuddled him.  "You sounded just like her."

"Is Dawn a literal auntie or a virtual auntie?" their niece asked her mom.

Jess shook her head.  "I think she's one of Xander's coworkers.  She's an aunt like Cougar's an uncle, dear."

"I thought he was an uncle by marriage," she said, scowling at him.  Cougar shook his head.  "Get to marrying the uncles then!" she demanded.  "That way you're not a computer life uncle!"

Jake snickered, shaking his head as he took her to cuddle.  "Sorry, sweetheart, we're not like that."

Xander snickered.  "She's so a little you, Jess."

"Yes she is."  She looked at Cougar.  "We wouldn't mind in the least if you wanted one of them."  He shook his head slowly.  "Pity.  It'd be good for them."  She took the baby back, getting another squeal.  "I love you too, Xadrian.  You're a good boy."  He beamed at her and patted her on the cheek.  "I take it you're not sleepy anymore?"

"I think he's possessed," Xander said.  "He's never been that active before."  He got up to get something from his bag, bringing it back to sprinkle on him.  Yup, the baby fussed.  "Huh."  He took him to the bathroom to put into the tub and do the exorcism.  "Jake, it was Willow," he called.  "She's OOB."

"I'll kill her myself this time," Cougar said in Spanish.

"Get in line," Xander called.  The baby was back to normal so he handed him back to his niece.  "Carefully and gently please."  She nodded, walking him back out there so she could share him with her mother.  Xander called Giles.  "It's Xander.  I just got Willow out of my son's body.  No, she was out of hers.  I don't care why, Giles.  I just had to do an exorcism on my son, who is only a month and a half."  He smirked.  "That's why I'm calling you instead of finding my passport.  Yes.  Speaking of passports, how's Mel?"  He listened.  "You know what?  We can stop there on the way home.  Thank you."  He hung up and walked out there.  "We're going home via the long way through Qatar."

"Did they give her asylum?" Jensen asked.

"I have no damn clue," Xander admitted, sitting down.  He looked through his phonebook.  "Huh."  He called someone.  "Peter, Xander.  I know, she's in Cleveland in the infirmary.  Tell her husband I'm going to kill his ass.

"Xander!" Jess complained.

"Sorry.  Anyway, Peter, Willow's in Qatar.  I just pushed her out of my infant son's body.  She was possessing him.  No, no good reason," he said dryly.  "And frankly I don't really care."  He smirked.  "Thank you.  I don't know but if you get her somewhere more accessible I can handle it.  Yeah but I haven't been to Qatar since Zara died in that car crash.  That would be *wonderful* thank you.  Yeah, tell her father they're both fine.  Giles said she's doing good, but she's complaining about things.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Mel's overseer in Saudi will tell someone where Willow is to go home."

"No violence in front of the kids," Jess ordered, staring at him.

"That wasn't.  I'm just having her expelled from where she's hiding."  He smiled.  "Mel's husband needs to learn manners and if I have to spank him so be it."

"Still, less violent thought around the kids."

"That's right," the baby said.  Xander sighed but Cougar growled.  The baby went 'eep', stiffened, then started to coo happily and wave his fist.

"I think you scared him, Uncle Cougar."

He smiled, taking the baby.  "Hopefully."  He sat down with his son, who was very happy to be up and played with.

***

Jake sat down next to Xander on the back step that night, taking his nephew.  "What're we going to do about the split continent living plan we have?"  Xander shrugged.  "It's going to be hard to visit on leave since leave can be canceled within days."

"We can see if Dawn can put up an emergency portal or something," he offered.  "We have a few of those at the houses that lead back to Cleveland but I'm not sure how stable they'd be."

"That's a good choice.  We'd have to have a set place to put it from."

"I technically have an apartment in Houston," Xander admitted.  "It's something I bought when I went to Africa so I had a peaceful place away from everyone."

"That's good to know.  Where?"  Xander shrugged.  "You don't know?"

"I know the address, I have no idea where in the city it is."

"Huh.  We can work on that," he decided, going to tell Cougar that.  He could talk to Dawn about things and get it set up for their leaves.  Or maybe one from Jolene and Pooch's house.  That might be handy.  Dawn answered the email pretty quickly and said she had already started those being built.  They'd have to put the things that held the portals somewhere in the houses.  Though she did know where his apartment was and sent him a link.  He had one set up from Cleveland.  Jensen brought the computer to Cougar to let him know.

"Doable," he decided.

Jake grinned.  "It is.  Plus she said she can set one up for Jolene and Pooch too."

"Handy," he agreed.  Jensen nodded, bouncing off to tell Xander she had already started and it was going well.  He agreed that was his apartment's address so that was good and Jensen could find it on a map.  It was in a semi-decent neighborhood and they could check on it before they reported for their next assignment.  Clay agreed he and Roque could check it out for them.  Cougar agreed with that and so did Xander when they told him.  Apparently the baby starting to sleep longer was doing wonders for his mood.

***

Clay walked up to the doorman.  "I have a letter from a tenant," he said, handing over the faxed letter.

"We've never seen him.  We know he bought one of the condos and pays things but I don't think it even has furniture."

"He's been working overseas and is getting ready to split his time between here and the office in Malaysia."  Roque walked in.  "So we're taking pictures for him and checking things.  He said he left the keys in the kitchen cabinet above the sink?"

"I can let you guys up there after I call him."  They had a voiceprint on the computer system from him because he had said he'd be out of the country for the most part for years on end.  "Was he military?"

"Council," Roque said quietly.  "Training the slayers."

"Poor guy.  That's a rough job."  He called up that voiceprint and called him.  "Mr. Harris?"  The phone got handed over.  "Mr. Harris, this is Phil, the doorman in your condo's building."  He listened, comparing the two.  "That's fine, we can handle that, sir. Thank you for letting us know.  Should we expect anyone else?"  He nodded, making that note.  "I'll be sure to let her in for you, sir.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "He's also expecting a coven member to look at things."

"That way the protections can be put up," Roque agreed.  The doorman nodded at that and walked them up to the elevator to let them in.

Clay looked around.  "This place is tiny," he said.  "No room for the squirt."

The doorman looked at him.  "He has a son?"

"Just under two months old," Clay said with a smile.  "A little boy."

"Aww.  Though, you might tell him this building is supposedly only for singles."

"It's too small anyway, only the one bedroom," Clay said.  "We'll help him look for a new one."  The doorman nodded and left them alone.  They sent pictures up to Xander, who said he had a bigger one with a south facing view.  He sent all the saved down files he had and Clay took them to the doorman because that wasn't the number on the apartment they had been let into.

That 'mistake' got management called and they winced at it.  So they had to refund his purchase price and fees because they had sold that apartment.  Apparently they thought he wouldn't mind too much since he never visited.  That got arranged within twenty minutes because Pooch played a lawyer when Roque called him.  So they had funds to look for a new one.  Fortunately, housing prices were down even in Houston.

Jensen and Xander both sent two different addresses.  Xander's was in the middle of nowhere.  Jensen's was in the middle of a neighborhood like this one, decreasing in value.  They suggested looking near Jolene and Xander countered with LA.  And why.  That was a bigger reason and would let Jolene have a safer place to escape to in the US.  Or the guys to have a place to camp in a major city.

In the end, they decided on Las Vegas.  A good vacation spot.  Strange things were shrugged off there.  A semi-peaceful demon community.  A lot of foreclosed properties so they could get something cheap.  The area was warm enough for Cougar to enjoy, and the other guys could play all they wanted.  It was within six hours of Cougar's family home if they broke the speed limit a little bit, or three by plane.  Jolene had a safety exit built in to the house.

The exit to the compound was easily set up into the nice, tidy, modern condo with the faux brick walls.  It was left open like another doorway in the house, or like adjoining motel rooms.  Xander and the son came back there to put in beds, tear down the faux brick and put up local stonework, some iron work, and some pretty bronze things.  And a fountain on the tiny veranda.  The quad condo building had been a steal and theirs was on the ground floor so they had a tiny sliver of yard.

The others were all owned by reasonable people who had this as their 'play homes'.   The fountain was pretty and soothing.  The baby loved it.  The one neighbor in residence was happy to meet them and hear that Xander's friends had use of the place when they were in town.  It had been empty for a while.  The three bedrooms were quickly set up and the kitchen as well.

Xander got some shopping done for the compound and sent it over.  Including some new clothes that fit both him and the baby.  The baby had hated the malls.  He had screamed most of the trip until Cougar had taken him to the rented car.  Xander finished shopping on his own.  Which meant everything was a size too big but he'd grow into it.  He stocked up on diapers too.  Then they got dinner and went home.

For formal things, Xander had to fly back but that was fine.  He could leave the baby with the guys for the few hours so he wasn't horrified by the flight. If anyone asked, he could say the baby had been too sick to fly so he had asked a favor from his coworkers.   So when he finally got home, after the nosy people at the airport had been horrified by him being who he was and stating he was moving here most of the time, he was tired.  He flopped down on a couch, shooting the small lizard he had startled into trying to run off.

Jake came over with the baby and diaper bag.  "You have great timing.  Clay's taking a call right now from our bosses."

Xander took his son, smiling at him.  "Did you have a good afternoon with the unclies?"  He let the baby rest on him.  "Thanks, Jake.  Be safe."

"We will."  He kissed the baby on the head and went back through so they could leave.

Xander looked at the baby.  "I have no idea what we'll do all by ourselves for the next six months but we'll work it out, son."  The baby beamed at him.  Xander got up to run the cable through the doorway.  They had it designed so it could stay open all the time.  Las Vegas got better cable than the satellite dish got in Malaysia.  The son loved that bit of noise and fun colors.  Xander got up to unpack their bags and fix dinner.  It was nice that dinner was going to be so much smaller tonight without the stomachs of doom the other guys had.  Xander knew he was still underweight but he'd work on that over the next few months.

***

Jolene stepped through the opening.  "Xander?"

"Outside on the porch," he called.  She walked out.  "Problems?"

"Slightly.  The guys are out of contact and I'm not sure why."

Xander texted his brother, who didn't answer.  "Hmm.  The health reading on Jensen is in the kitchen attached to the cabinet."  She got it and brought it out.  He activated it, frowning.  "He's injured and pissed off.  So apparently something went wrong."  He logged onto the laptop beside him to look.  "Which country are they in this time?"

"Columbia?  I think."  She sat down.  "Where's the baby?"  He pointed in the banana plant beside him.  "Why?"

"He wanted to play with the dirt and I wouldn't let him get down into it so we're compromising.  He's got some dirt that doesn't have spiders or mice and I can watch him make faces chewing on the totally edible leaves."  He went back to typing.  He informed someone of something and they said they'd let them go.  "The demon warlord down there is really not happy."

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"He thought they were going to interrupt his daughter's upcoming wedding by Jensen proving he had the family lineage.  So he took the others hostage to make sure he wouldn't.  I told him very simply they weren't there for that and if he didn't leave them alone and make sure they were nicely healthy his daughter's wedding was going to turn into a massacre because I was still having hormone swings."  He smiled sweetly.

She laughed.  "For about six months afterward," she assured him.  She cuddled the baby.  "You're adorable like my own son is, Xadrian."

Xander looked at her.  "He's got the runs, he's been cranky all day long, and he's hating baths to ease his sore butt."

"They do that."

"Usually he loves baths.  I'm not sure why he hates it right now."  He put the laptop aside and called someone down there.  "What the hell were they doing?"  He listened.  Then he rolled his eyes.  "Tell my brother that they're being handed back and they had better be in good shape or I'll be making that wedding worse than he ever thought might happen."  He smirked.  "No, Jensen isn't the baby's father.  He's my brother, Rubio.  Cougar is the baby's daddy.  Exactly.  Actually, I'm shocked you haven't seen Dawn yet."

He smirked at Jolene.  "Thanks, Rubio.  No, we're still talking.  Laters."  He hung up.  "Dawn had already interrupted things because of that issue.  Jensen is seriously pissed at her.  They're being handed back and had better be in excellent shape."  She handed the baby back, kissing him on the cheek.  "You could've brought yours to play."

"He hates to fly."  She got up and went back home.  Her mother was watching the baby today.  She had to get back to him before her mother warped her poor son into begging.

Xander looked at his son.  "Let's go wash that butt problem of yours."  The baby fussed.  "It'll make you feel better, son."  He put the laptop inside and came back to get him, bringing him back inside to bathe him.  His son wailed but yay!

"Why are you making him stroke out?" a female voice yelled as she walked toward them.

"He's hating the diaper rash from having the craps and that the bath is helping it."  He looked back at her.  "Hey, Faith.  Long way from home?"

"Brought you a new girl," she said with a smug look.

"Cool.  Wanna help?"

"Fine."  She knelt beside him.  The baby sniffled at her, holding up his arms.  "I like you too, kiddo, but you need to take the bath.  Girls don't like boys with dirty butts."

He let her hold him while he bathed the area.  "He's got to go to the doc's soon," he decided.  "Even with the cream it's bad."  She looked and grimaced.  "Yup.  We need to have that looked at."  He looked out the door.  "Which of the girls?"

"Cinderella's biggest fan," she said dryly.

"Hey, Sym," Xander called.  She came to the doorway.  He looked at her.  "You grew!"

"Unfortunately.  That means I'm tripping and things too."

He nodded.  "I did the same thing.  Buffy used to pick on me about it."  Faith cackled, nodding.  "So we'll work on it."  She grinned.  "But first, I need to take him to the baby doc for the butt rash."

She grimaced.  "That does look painful."

"It does, yeah."  He got up, taking the baby to put the rash cream on and then diaper, then redress.  "We're going back to Vegas."

"That's cool," Sym agreed.  "That means I can shop?"

"Only if you're paying for it," Xander said dryly.  "There's a slayer shopping fund, talk to Giles about it."

"Fine," she sighed, making Faith laugh.  They walked through and Xander got them into a cab to the baby doctor's office.  He had picked a nice one that was an older, friendly guy.  He came in smiling.  "Hi, Doc," Sym quipped.

"You're not a patient, young lady."

"This is Sym and Faith, I'm training Sym," Xander told him.  He undressed him and took off the back of the diaper, making the doctor grimace.  "He's screaming at the water.  I've washed it every single time he does anything.  I've been using the cream.  It only seems to be getting worse.  I have no idea what the hell caused the runs."

"Babies get that all the time, Xander."  He came over to look at the rash.  "I can see a good coating of the cream."

"He's just out of the bath," Xander told him.  "I've been trying."

"I know.  Washcloth when you clean him?"

"Most of the time.  I switched to a thicker, more soft wipe when the rash started.  We've used it before so I know he's not allergic.  Unless he's allergic to the rice cereal I've started to add to his bottle?"

"No, that's why we say to start with rice cereal.  Do you have any with you?"  Xander dug into the diaper bag, finding the bag and letting him see it.  "Hmm, it could be the additives."  He let him see.  "His body may not be ready for that yet."

"Sorry, that's the only rice cereal I found where we live most of the time."

"I understand that.  While you're here, pick up some that has no additives."  Xander nodded.  "Does he cry after eating it?"

"He's been nothing but gas and crying at the water.  Which I really don't get."

"It might be that it's burning the sores a bit.  Are you going with overly warm?"

"No, body temperature.  After the first time I made sure it wasn't too hot or cold.  And cold washclothes versus warm when cleaning him doesn't seem to matter."

"Let's clean off that cream so I can look at it easier, Xander."  He nodded, pulling out some wipes to clean him off.  The baby peed on the diaper he had left cover his front.  "That looks normal," he said, looking at the diaper.

"About the same amount as usual and it's not irritating him there," Xander admitted.  "But here's the poo."  He cleaned that off too.  The doctor took the wipe to look over.  "I've kept him out of the dirt, no matter how much he wants to play with it, and all sorts of things.  Earlier I let him sit in a potted banana plant because he really wanted in the dirt and I know they're edible leaves."

"They mostly are."  He shrugged, tossing that out.  He looked at the rash, making the baby fuss.  "That has to hurt him."

"That's why I went to this one, because it has some lidocaine in it," Xander admitted, showing him the cream.  "There's no difference between that and desitin beyond that."

"I can agree with that reasoning.  I'd guess it probably hurt him too."  He put some cream on, watching as the skin soaked it in and nothing happened.  "All right, let's move to a prescription cream.  Let's try a more bland and more natural rice cereal."

"I'm about to start feeding him the stuff the mothers used in Africa.  It was specially ground grains that's boiled really thick."

"As pure as you can and as bland as you can."  Xander nodded.  "Is this the only problem he's had?"

"Yeah.  I've been fighting this now for four days.  It only got this bad earlier."

"That's fine.  If that rice cereal doesn't work, try him with the other major grains?"  Xander nodded.  "It's not celiac disease, that's only with wheat.  That's bad and I'm hoping the runs stop."  Xander found the bottle of stuff, holding it up.  "Definitely," he agreed with a smile.

"Since yesterday and I started him on extra apple juice too."

"Good idea.  How is his drinking?"

"He's slurping gallons."

"Filtered?"

"Of course."

"Good.  You said once you have a house by the ocean?"  Xander nodded.  "Is it possible he drank some seawater?"

"We go sit in the surf sometimes but that's only up to his waist.  He sits on my lap usually."

"All right.  Does he scream at that?"

"No, which is really weird."

"Test your water.  Make sure it's clean?"  Xander nodded.  "I know you live overseas half the time."

"Malaysia."

"Well water?"

"Local filtered well."

"You may need to change the filter."

"I'll check that."

"Good boy.  And smart to have me look at that."  He made notes, wrote the prescription.  "See us in a week if it's not better or sooner if it breaks open, starts to bleed, or anything else really worrying starts."

"I can do that."

"Good boy, Xander."  He handed over the papers and left him to see the next patient.

Xander bundled everything back up.  "We can do two things at once," he decided, looking at Faith.  "Can you do the pharmacy run?"

"Of course."  They walked out and Xander paid his copay so they could leave.   He and Sym went to a whole foods store to find what he wanted and then a few 'natural' food stores.   They met with Faith at the apartment.  They went back through, finding Jensen waiting.  "How did you get back so fast?"

"Dawn."  He smirked.  "What's wrong?"

"Diaper rash from hell."  He put the baby on the couch, putting up the groceries.  Then he grabbed the holy water and splashed Jensen, making him shriek and change forms.  "So how is my brother?"

"He's fine," the demon said, glaring at him.  "You're pushy."

"I can have another mood swing," Xander offered dryly.  "You got paranoid for no reason."

"Fine."  He glared.  "They were in the area and it was reasonable."

"Tell that to them."

"I did.  They're not very nice."

Xander stared at him.  "Are any of us who handle problems *really* nice?"

"Well, no," he admitted.  He looked at the staring slayers.  "His brother's team was in the area right before my daughter's wedding.  I wanted to make sure someone like their father wouldn't interfere."

"We're nothing like the sperm donor."

"Well, you *are* chaos incarnate sometimes," the demon said dryly.  He looked at the fussing baby.  "Diaper rash that bad?"

"Yeah, we're not sure why," Xander admitted.

"Switch to cloth diapers," the demon said dryly.  "My daughter had some that were too rough."

"He has the runs.  I'm going back to native food with him."

"That's reasonable.  I'm not mean to them," he offered.  Xander stared at him.  "Can you make them leave the area?"

"I don't make their assignments and I don't know why they were in the area.  Talk to Jensen."

"Fine."  He looked at the baby.  "Is he ill?"

"I don't think so," Xander admitted.  "We'll have to see."  The demon nodded and disappeared.  He looked at Faith, who smirked at him.  "I have cloth diapers in the closet.  Can you grab some?"  She went to do that.  "Sym, pick a room down the second hallway," he said quietly with a point.  "We'll start on the training stuff tomorrow."  She nodded, doing that.  He got the baby receamed since he had just peed and was fussing at it.

He put on a cloth diaper and settled in to work some of the whole grains he had gotten to mash them to the right size.  That being boiled stunk a bit but that was fine.  He had smelled it often enough.  The baby liked it and whatever was causing the problem might just be eased.  Xander even went to milk the goat he had for the lawn.  That way the baby had fresh, natural milk.  Faith watched but she and Sym went to look over all the training equipment Xander had fixed up.  Some of it had been in pieces due to age.

***

Cougar walked into the portal and through, staring at the fussing thing.  "Problem?" he asked quietly.  Sym jumped.

"Who're you?" she demanded.

Xander leaned over from his spot on the couch.  "That's Cougar, he's the baby's daddy.  I so go clean that before it gets infected, Sym."

"Yes, oh great one," she complained, stomping to her bathroom.

Cougar walked out, finding his fussy son.  "Is he sick?"

"He's still got the diaper rash from hell.  I'm starting to wonder if it's a demon curse."  He handed him over.  "We've done everything to try to get it down."

Cougar let the baby snuggle him and patted him on the back.  "What's that?" he asked, feeling something.

Xander looked and grimaced.  "A spider bite.  I need to check his room again.  I did last night but apparently I missed one."  He got up with a groan to go check.

Cougar stopped him, checking his baby mama's forehead.  "You're sick too?"

"Possibly."  He went to check.  The spider got stomped on.  The bug netting got checked, no holes.  "Must've crawled under," he decided, letting more down once he had checked the bed area.  It was still bug free.  He wobbled, grabbing onto the crib.

"Xander?" Sym asked.

"I'm fine."

"Hush," Cougar ordered.  He called Jensen, who told him what to do to check him for it being mystical instead of physical.  That was the easiest to check and the young slayer could help him.

She grimaced at the baby.  "I'm not mommy material, Xadrian.  Don't get that happy."  Cougar glared at her and she shrank down onto the couch.  "We can have Dawn check."

"Fuck it, I can have someone on that side check," he said, finding something and burning it with a lighter.  A tiny demon stared at him as it appeared.  "Is mine and the baby's illness mystical?"

"Are you turning into Rosenburg?"

"Hell no.  Why?"

"You feel much like her."  The demon went to look at the baby, nodding.  "He has your hellmouth taint?"

"Probably got some during the pregnancy?" Xander guessed.

"Quite possibly.  Huh."  He did something and the baby suddenly got happier.  "Quit feeding him rice all together, Xander."  He looked at him.  "Have someone stop the witch.  She's too powerful for me to work against."  Cougar called someone to tell them that.  "Where is she?"

"Hiding," Xander said bluntly.  "She's still in Qatar, Cougar."

"She moved to Pakistan last night," he corrected.  He finished the short conversation and hung up, coming over.  "I can watch them."

The demon smiled.  "That's always a good thing.  He could use some sleep too.  That's what half of this is.  Half of the diaper rash is the inability to eat rice without it causing stomach problems.  Whatever else you've been feeding him is fine."  He smiled and disappeared.  That was an easy repayment of that debt.

Xander looked at him.  "Want to sit tonight?" he asked quietly.

"That is why I came," he said in Spanish.  "Go rest."  He nodded, going that way.  He looked at the staring young woman.  "Go do girl things."  She grinned and headed back to Las Vegas for a bit.  He rolled his eyes.  He did not understand teenage American girls.  He took the baby to bathe him, wincing when he didn't like the water.  So instead he took him down to the waterfront to wash him in the ocean.  He liked that a lot.  He'd add some salt to the bath water later, see if that helped.  Sometimes it was the little things that the baby fussed at.

***

Jensen and Clay walked through the portal.  "We heard there was a huge problem," Jensen said.  Cougar nodded.  "What sort?"

"Rosenburg."

Jensen grimaced.  "Why?"

"Jealous, mean, stupid," he said, waving a hand.  "All of the above."

Jensen nodded.  "Where might she be?"

"Pakistan.  With Clara."  He smirked.  Clay snickered at that.  "Disconnect the filter."  Clay went to do that.  The water coming out of the tap looked orange and smelled like sulphur so they changed the filter and put on a better one for Xander since he was still asleep.  Jensen went to draw protections around the bed for him.  That eased his sleep some.

Then they settled in to watch the baby enjoy his first bath for the last week.  Sym walked in with a new nose piercing, making Jensen 'talk' with her.  Then he got Clay onto her.  He showed her why it wasn't a good idea when he sparred with her.  So the nose ring got changed to something smaller and more subtle.  Clay worked on her hand-to-hand.  Xander napped.  Jensen worried, and the baby got happier and healthier.

"Rice cereal?" Jensen asked, looking in the cabinets.

"No," Cougar ordered.  "It caused the rash."  Jensen gave him a funny look.  "Use the thing in the jar."  Jensen found it and the directions on it, making some for the baby.  They got to sit down and feed him, which made him a happy little guy.  Xander slept all the way through the morning and he looked a lot healthier when he finally got up.

Cougar stared at Xander the next morning over breakfast.  "Someone handled her," Jensen told him quietly.  "Cougar arranged it."

"Thanks," Xander told him.  Cougar gave a one-sided shrug.  Clay walked out with the happy baby cooing at him.  Xander took the baby from him.  "Are you feeling better?"

"Your filter was too strict.  We let it keep some of the minerals.  We added some salt to his bath water and he enjoyed the hell out of it," Jensen said with a grin.  Xander hugged him and Cougar for that.  "What is that jar of stuff?"

"Naturally boiled down grains.  I need to make some more."

"I saw the bag of them under the sink," Clay told him, sitting down once he had some coffee.  He looked around.  "The slayer?"

"Sym's probably still in bed," Xander admitted.  "Slayers are supposed to work late at night."  That got a nod from them all.  "Yeah, I've been mashing them myself and boiling them down.  He seems to like that when I make it with fresh goat's milk."  Jensen grimaced and Cougar shuddered.  "It's better for him and if he has even the hint of a milk allergy it'll help.  Besides, having it means I don't have to mow."

"That's definitely a benefit," Jensen agreed with a smile.  "Did we get baby goats?"

"Newly weaned but we kept milking her.  I'll let her have another one when she's in heat."  That got a nod and they ate breakfast.  The baby fussed but his bottle of goats milk made him happy.  It made them all happy they were feeling better.

***

Cougar had been ordered to come home by his mother so on his next leave he went home for a few days.  He walked in and his mother hugged him.  He smiled at her.  "Hola, Mama."

"No grandson?"

Cougar shook his head.  "I saw him last leave."  He sat down when she made him.  "We know now that he has a dislike of rice.  It upsets his stomach.  He has no other allergies that we know of."

"You always start babies on rice flour," she said with a scowl.   He shrugged.  "Why?"

"Gave him gas and the runs.  Xander switched to native grains and it's better."

"Fine.  I suppose.  I have not gotten pictures, Carlos.  That boy is keeping him from me."

Cougar stared at her.  "Do you wonder why?" he asked.  His mother scowled.  He stared back.  She huffed off into the kitchen saying he was too skinny.   Cougar wrote that text message to Xander, who said she could see him if Cougar had him with him.  He had to help Sym handle something soon anyway.  Cougar said that'd work and Xander said he'd send him later that night.

His mother came back with a sandwich.  "Xander will let me watch him here while something happens."  She beamed.  He ate because he knew not to argue on that topic.  They talked a bit until Dawn showed up with the baby, two bags, and a small jar hanging off one.  "Hola, Dawn, Xadrian."  He took his son.

Dawn smiled.  "Hi, Mrs. Alvarez.  Dawn Summers.  Xander had me bring him over for him since he's got a huge battle coming up."  She put down the bags.  "The blue is his diaper bag, has spare cloth diapers since he's got a bit of a rash again.  Just the normal stuff and the cream's in there.   He's also got some clothes in both bags.  The jar is the goat's milk," she said, handing it over with a smile.

"It's been helping his stomach a lot.  The jar of oatmeal stuff is in the red bag.  It's got directions on the card on it."  She kissed the baby on the head.  "You be a good boy for Daddy Carlos, sweetheart, and we'll see you in two whole days.  Once we make the bad demon trying to sacrifice virgins no more."  She disappeared from the spot.

Cougar looked at his son.  "She is bouncy like your mother," he said quietly, making the baby squeal and pat him.  Cougar smiled back, letting the baby cuddle him.  "It is good to see you too."  He looked at his mother.

"Goat's milk?  That's what you feed babies with a milk allergy."

"Xander has one for lawn duty."

"Oh.  So it's fresh goats milk," she said, taking it to the fridge.  She dug out the 'oatmeal' to look over.  Simple directions.  Already boiled down.  "I gave you corn when you were that young."  He shrugged.  "Does it bother him?"

"No idea," he admitted.  He texted that and Xander sent one back.  He let her read it.  Xander hadn't been able to find any but he had fed him some thinly mixed masa mixture and that had gone over well.

"Good," she decided, taking that into the kitchen as well.  "Is he old enough for real baby food yet?"

"Few months," he said.  He looked at his son, who was napping and smiling.  Which meant he had probably just crapped himself again.  Cougar checked, carefully changing him so he wouldn't wake the baby.  His mother set up the crib for him and it was nice.  His son sighed in pleasure when he got laid down.  He found his thumb, curled up onto his side, and napped.

"You do make a beautiful baby," she told him with a smile and a pat on the arm.  He grinned back.  "Are you and Xander working on an arrangement?"  He shook his head.  "You should.  That way I get more grandchildren."  He shook his head more quickly this time.  "Yes I will."

He shook his head.  "Not likely."

"You should.  I need more grandchildren," she said in Spanish.

"Unless I carry them...."  She shuddered, walking off crossing herself.  He shrugged and checked the bags for what Xander had packed.  He had a good four days worth of gear.  That was good.  He settled in to let his mother nag him some more.  She seemed to enjoy it and her being happy kept her younger and more healthy.  So he'd put up with the nagging.  One of his sisters came over with her kids.  Who were sick.  "No," he told her.  She flinched, staring at him.

"Is Xadrian here?" she asked.  He nodded.  "Shit.  The kids have chicken pox."  Cougar shook his head.  "I'll keep them apart.  Don't go near the baby," she told her kids.  Cougar ordered it and they listened to him.  They stared from afar at the baby.  Cougar could handle this.  He really could.  He hoped.

***

Xander showed up five days later limping, looking like hell.  Cougar's mom opened the door.  "I'm fine," he said at her gasp.  "Really.  An extra demon showed up to nag."  He walked in, looking at his son and baby daddy.  "He's sleepy again?"

"He has been," Carlos offered.  "Battle go badly?"

Xander snorted.  "Don't ask.  We had an extra one show up to taunt and help."  He sat down beside him, which made the baby wake up.  "Hi, Xadrian."  The baby cooed and patted him, making him wince.  "I know, those are booboos you'll hopefully never have to have."  He took him to hold.  "Did you have a good visit with the daddy and grandmother?"  The baby cooed and snuggled.  Xander patted him gently, getting burped on for that.  But that was fine.

"Xander, you need more time to heal," Cougar's mom ordered.

He stared at her.  "No I don't.  I got discharged earlier.  I'm fine.  I had worse than this when I was first pregnant with him."  She glared.  He stared back.  She backed down.  "Anyway," he said, looking down.  "Is that a rash on your scalp?"

"He got dusted," Mama admitted.  "I didn't see Carlos when I was spraying dusting spray."

He nodded.  "I've done that once or twice."  He cuddled the baby, letting him get comfy and go back to sleep.  "I know, it's a good day to be sleepy.  It's warm and bright and you've got snuggly people."  He patted him again.  "So," he told Cougar.  "Clay called, said he was coming to find you tomorrow."  Cougar muttered a swear word in Spanish.  "Basically, yeah."  He grinned.  "Did you want him to find you here or in Vegas?  I know he's in Seattle right now for some reason."

"Here is fine," he decided, taking his son back.  "Rest."

"I'm fine.  All stitched up and things."  He stared at him.  Then at the nervous looking woman.  "Problems?"

"You'd never let us sit him alone, would you?"

"After what you tried our last visit?  Hell no."   He stared at her.  "I'd never let anyone or anything hurt my son."  She nodded.  "Why do you look so nervous?"

"Your padre showed up last night," Cougar said quietly, looking at him.

"Is everyone all right?  Is someone possessed?" he asked, pulling out his phone to warn his brother and sister.  Jake was up with Jess and their niece.

"He only wanted to see his only grandson," she said.

Xander stared at her.  "My paternal unit isn't really a *nice* person, Mrs. Alvarez.  He's a chaos sorcerer."  She shivered.  "He took my twin brother and little sister with him when he abandoned me at the ripe old age of six.  He told them I was dead.  He's also the reason I've been possessed and why I had him."

"He said that was so you'd survive," Cougar told him.

Xander shook his head.  "Yay?"  He shrugged.  "I don't want Ethan anywhere near my son.  I don't give a damn if he'll stop an apocalypse because of it.  There's no way in hell I want him anywhere near my son to fuck up his life like he did mine.  He's done enough damage to this family."

"He's coming to dinner tonight because Carlos kept the baby in the crib last night," Mrs. Alvarez said.  "Should I worry about setting a place for your mother?"

"She refused to evacuate Sunnydale before it fell in and I didn't have the time or the energy before battle to work up the emotion to care," Xander told her bluntly, making her gasp.  "I've seen some wonderful parents but mine aren't it.  My stepfather died at the same time so why don't you make a nice, tiny dinner tonight?  I'll be sure to drive my paternal donor off and it'll be okay.  Before he decides to hurt someone."  He looked at Cougar.  "Thank you."

"I know how you feel about him," he said in Spanish, getting a nod.  "He sees Jess?"

"If so she's a lot more tolerant than I am."

Cougar shook his head.  "He said if he had not left you there, then you would have been harmed.  Doing so led to great things."

Xander snorted.  "Yeah, right," he said dryly.  "Unfortunately I'm the only seer in the entire family history.  He had no idea who I was when he showed up with his halloween stunt to get us possessed by our costumes and I barely recognized him after the fact because the soldier brought forth the memories I had tried to push down.  He still didn't recognize me when we showed up to stop his plans *helping* the Mayor so he could sacrifice babies for his ascension bid."  He stared at him.  "He doesn't get near our son."

"Maybe he wants to make amends," Mama offered.

"No, he's not like that. This will further some plan of his.  He has no real desire to see my son otherwise.  He made himself very plain when he left me there to die.  He actually made a deal with the former Mayor to leave me there to be sacrificed if he could save the other two, more important children.  I saw the contract my senior year."  Cougar shuddered.  "So no, he's not going to be anywhere near my son."  He took him back.  "Let's go to Vegas, little guy.  Your daddy can beat up on Ethan for me and Unclie Jake," he said.

"Maybe if you talk to him you'll be a happier parent," Mama said, staring at him.  "He does not leave this house, Xander."

He stared at her.  "Who says I'm unhappy, Mrs. Alvarez?  I'm very content and happy with my current life.  It may not be where I thought I'd be but I'm perfectly content."

"If you were, you'd do the honorable thing and let my son propose."

"I left that up to your son," he said bluntly.  "Beyond that, I'm not the sort who'd make myself miserable that way.  Cougar barely knows me.  He's clearly not ready for that step, if he'll ever want it.  That's all up to him."

"You wouldn't accept if I did," Cougar told him.

"That's because it'd make us both miserable.  You're gone most of the year.  I'm going to be training the girls for now and then later on traveling all over the world myself.  That's not really a marriage."

"No, it's not," he agreed.  "Which is why I didn't."

"And I totally respect you for that.  A lot of guys would do it out of duty and make themselves and their kids miserable.  If I wanted to be miserable I could go back to Cleveland."  He got up.  "Let me get his things."  Cougar nodded, helping him gather them.  Mama threw something on them that the boy's father had given her.  She had to rescue the baby and took him back to the kitchen to coo at him.

Xander woke up ten minutes later and nudged Cougar, who snapped awake.  He stared at him.  "That was magical," he said dryly.  "Not just the sleeping beside you part either."  They got up and Cougar finished packing things for him while he went to get his child back.  He walked off with him under his arm, listening to him squeal.  "I'm happy you're good too, son.  C'mon, we'll go home.  That way you can suck up to the goat again.  I'm sure she'd like to play again."  Cougar looked at him.  "He's trying to crawl after her."

"I'm sure he'll make it soon."  They heard a car and Xander grimaced.  He handed over the baby and walked out there, staring at his father as he got out of the car.  "I could've sworn you weren't this stupid, Ethan."

"Not even a hello?  A thank you for saving my life?"  He smiled.

Xander waved him on.  "Come closer.  I don't feel like limping after you again."  Ethan gave him a horrified look.  Xander limped after him anyway and beat the crap out of him.  Cougar came out to pull him off him, handing him the baby so he could take over.  "I'm sorry you had to see that, son.  I didn't want you to know people like that existed for years yet."  He went inside to get the two bags and the carrier, coming out putting the carrier on.  "There we go.  Let's go home.  Let the daddy talk to his mommy about things and see if a priest can check her for magic."  He smiled at Cougar.  "Thank you."

"He deserves the best."  He patted his son on the head.  "I will see you soon."

Xander grabbed his head, holding it.  "No.  You won't.  Don't go to Bolivia, Cougar.  Any of you.  It's a trap.  Come to the compound and I'll fix that shit."  He walked off, using his mini portal to get back to Vegas and then home.  He walked in and found Willow waiting and sneering.  So he punched her.  "Let me guess, you and my father joined forces?"  He called Giles once she was tied up.

"I beat the shit out of Ethan for both of us when he showed up at Cougar's mother's house," he said dryly.  "And I knocked out Willow since she was here and sneering.  No, I'm going to roast her ass."  He hung up.  If someone didn't pick her up in a few minutes, he'd have a cheery witch bonfire.  He checked, undoing what she had been doing.  The poisoned food got put aside as well.  Giles came out of the portal so he held it up.  "Hemlock for the baby?"

"That is unnecessary."

"She did it, not me."

"Oh, dear."  He took it to look over.  "That is hemlock, yes.  Your father?"

"With Cougar, his daddy.  I managed a pretty impressive showing before he pulled me off Ethan."  He stared at her.  "Is she back in junkie phase or is she in league with him?"

"I do not know."  He bent down to wake her up.  "Willow, what were you thinking?"

"That baby will destroy the slayers!"she shouted.

"I think that's why he is one," Xander said dryly.  He nicked the baby's thumb, getting a fuss.  "I'm sorry. You can suck it in a minute."  He smeared some of the blood on some gauze then put the slayer testing solution on it, showing her.  "See?"  She shuddered.  The baby was sucking on his thumb, scowling at them.

Giles smiled.  "He does look quite like you when you're mad."

Xander looked in a mirror, smiling.  "Good scowl, son.  Very good scowl."  He looked at Giles again.  "I'm about at the bonfire stage."

"I can see why," he admitted.  "She is still Willow."

"She hasn't been Willow since she started to kill with her magic, Giles."  She was chanting and trying to teleport off so he kicked her on the temple, knocking her back out.  "No more.  I can't let this endanger my son."  He shrugged.  "I'll do it if I have to.  I knew I'd have to take her out some day."

Giles shook his head.  "There's ways we can block her, Xander."

"So she'll take up hacking instead?" he asked dryly.  "Or she'll suck at the hellmouths?"  Giles shuddered.  "She's still connected to Sunnydale, Giles.  There's no way."  She mumbled a fire spell and he shot her, just once.  That's all it took.  He took a deep breath, fighting down the nausea.  "I....  I can't let her hurt him."

"No, you can't," he agreed.  "We'll have her buried in the Council's cemetery with the fallen slayers, Xander."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "You did the right thing."

"She's already made both of us sick once.  She was trying to kill him this time.  I can't.  I simply can't."

"No, you cannot."  He called the coven to pick her up and bring her home while he got Xander calmed down and able to process what he had done.  "You were right, none of us could have," he said quietly.  "Like on that cliff."

He nodded.  "I knew before then that Buffy would never be able to handle it if it was one of us."

"I believe that's the only good reason that the Council wanted the girls not to have friends," he admitted.  He left, going home to handle things.  Xander could clean up the small mess she had made.  Buffy was sobbing.  "She was trying to poison Xander and Xadrian," he told everyone staring at the body.  "She had put hemlock in his food and in some of Xander's food."  Buffy stared at him.  "He wrote a report when she made him and the baby sick magically the last time."

"But this is Willow..."  She choked down a sob.

"Yes, and she had her problems but now she's at peace."  He stared at her.  "We were going to confine her but she was a danger to everyone, Buffy.  She was still linked to the hellmouth as well.  Possibly both of them."

"Yeah, she is," Dawn admitted, stepping forward to sever those links.  She sighed, looking at Giles as she pulled something hidden off Willow's side.  "Hart's blood?"  He blanched, taking it to look over.  "I know she was looking it up and I warned the head researcher."

"I thought she was going after whatever chaos sorcerer sort was trying to taint her," he defended.

"No, she went after Xander.  Who suspiciously had his father show up to try to take control of his son."  Buffy shuddered.  "He beat him.  With her he was kinder."  He looked at her.  "We'll bury her as part of the Council.  She was until she slipped again."  She nodded, walking off.  Dawn smiled at him but followed her sister to help her.  "Someone test the girls to make sure they're all right."  The other watchers nodded, going to do that.

***

Buffy got sent to where Xander was with the baby.  "I understand why you did it," she said, sitting next to him.

He looked at her.  "Because she was going to kill me and my son.  I couldn't let him be hurt, Buffy."

"I know."  She patted him on the arm.  "We decided we don't hate you for that.  None of us do, even me."  He gave her a weak smile.  "Why are we in the jungle?"

"Someone's setting up his daddy to die."

"Shit," she muttered.

"Basically, yeah.  I have the feeling that Ethan's involved somehow since it was awfully coincidental that he showed up now."  He looked at the compound then at her.  "Cougar's going to be here in an hour."

"That's fine."  She took the baby to cuddle.  He cooed and loved on her shoulder.  It was soothing.  "Now what're you going to do?"

"I'm going to do what I do best, Buffy.  I'm going to solve a problem.  And then we're going to go home."  She nodded.  "I'm sorry I had to."

"No, you had to.  She was involved.  We found a diary from her that said she was helping Ethan get the baby as a powerful sacrifice to keep the slayers all strong."

"Yeah, I found the deal he made with the mayor to leave me in Sunnydale to have me killed as a sacrifice so he could save the other two."  He stood up.  "Let me handle this.  Can you handle him for an hour?"

"Of course.  You sure?"

"Yeah.  I'd rather have this done before they get here.  No need for them to see this.  They think I'm nice most of the time."  He left, sneaking down to the compound.  He had done this sort of thing before to rescue his girls.  Not much different this time only he was saving in advance.  He finished up and left, leaving a direct link modem in the computer's drive for Jensen and leaving a window open for them to sneak in and get the files.  He walked back, taking the time to clean up in a fountain.  He found Jake watching.  "I left his system on and plugged in.  The filing cabinets are next to the open window."

"Thanks.  You didn't have to."

"Yeah I did.  Somehow this was all involved and I'm not sure why.  I'm going to find out why."  He walked around him, finding Roque cooing at the baby.  He smiled.  "He's a good soul's ease for the bad days."

"You left him with Buffy?" Clay asked.

"Hey!" Buffy complained.  "I needed the cuddle.  He had to take out Willow too."  Xander gave her a hug, making her relax.  "They're really sneaky."

"It's part of their job," he agreed with a grin.  Jensen was already logging in and finding what he had left on.  "He had two extra hard drives in a filing cabinet, Jake."  He nodded, letting Roque and Clay go get them for him.  He watched Buffy and Cougar with his son, sitting on a tree stump.  He needed to calm himself and get himself right again.  He finally put the knife up and Cougar looked at him.  "I keep expecting snakes down here."

"There are way too many of them," Jake said dryly.  He listened to the comm.  "There's a guard shift change but they have it."

"I mined the road.  The thing's on the gateway," Xander admitted.  They heard it go off and he shrugged.  "Pretty work when you need to do it."  He looked at the horrified look Buffy had.  "Who do think snuck into compounds to rescue the girls when they were taken?"  She stuttered.  "Someone had to."

"But you're goofy and normal and ...."

He shook his head.  "I'm as much a soldier as they are, Buffy, just in a different war.   I was the dirty little secret fixer anytime we needed one.  This was like my sixth time doing that down here and I had another four in Africa and one in the Middle East."  She shuddered, clutching the baby.  "Not everything that wants slayers dead are demons.  Some would really like to take advantage of the gifts for other reasons.  Speaking of, there's a pre-slayer in the local village."

"I'll pop through there," she promised quietly, handing him back.  "Are you going to keep doing that?"

"Only if I have to."

"Thank you."  He shrugged but nodded.  "I didn't know but... thank you for handling stuff and making us safer."  She hugged him.

Xander's phone went off.  "Huh.  Send Dawn to my place to stun the fuckers, Buffy."  He let Jensen have it to look at the video feed.  "That's the head minion."  Jensen nodded, typing that into the system and telling Clay and Roque.  "No Pooch?"

"Base camp," Cougar said.  He took the baby back.  "Finish calming down."  Xander shrugged.  "We will handle them."

Xander smiled.  "It all depends on what he wants."  He used his emergency beacon to get home, staring at them.  "You needed something with my baby's clothes?" he asked dryly.  The man smirked at him.  Xander shot him in the chest.  He knew he had body armor on.  Two more minions ran in so he killed them.  "Pity you brought minions.  I hate minions."

"Young man.  You are not what we expected," the leader said as he strolled in.

"Hmm, I never am.  What did you want, Max?"

"I'm told you're a seer.  Is that how you know who I am?"

"Yeah, you tried to fuck with my twin brother."

"Hmm, yes, he's in an ...inconvenient spot."

"Pity that plan's stopped.  That drug dealer kinda...croaked."  The head minion laughed at that.  Xander stared at him.  "I know your type, dude.  I killed a few of you in Africa."  He looked at the other one again.  "Make your offer and then die, dude.  You're boring the hell out of me."

"I want you to work for me," he said smugly.  "We can do great things for humanity."

"Hmm.  No."  He said something, then let loose with all the stuff he held in, making the head minion gape in horror as he glowed.  "I don't think so."  He let it loose on them, making them scream.  The demon he had asked to come eat them showed up now that they were nicely cooking for him.  Xander locked it back down.  "Find out what he's doing with my father?"

"New world order shit, Xander."

"Can you tell me where their headquarters are so we can raid it?"

"For a favor I can have your brother told," he said smugly.

Xander kissed him on the cheek.  "You still owe me majorly."

"Good point."

"I've already had to kill some people today," he said with a grin.  "He sent people to fuck with my family."

The demon shuddered.  "That was horribly stupid.  Where's the slayer you're training?"

"Las Vegas again," he said dryly.  "Take them and let me know?"

"I can do that."  He put balls on their heads and handed them over once they were full then left with his snacks.  He did adore Xander.

Xander took the balls back to his son, handing them to Jensen.  "Rememberalls."

"Huh."  He put them into the special case.  "Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome."  He took his son back.  He spotted Clay coming his way.  "Max is no more.  He stupidly wanted me to work on his side."  Buffy snickered.  "You're a seer, we can do great things," he mimicked.  "Fucking idiots."  He walked off, taking his son.  "If I find out more about him, I'll let you know.  Watch out for his daughter."

"Already got a picture of her," Jensen quipped.  "Why?"

"She and Clay were fighting and a hotel caught on fire."  They disappeared.

"I think he's a bit pissed off," Jensen quipped.

"Clearly," Cougar agreed.

"Whenever I get in that mood, he sets me up on a blind date so I get laid," she said, staring pointedly at Cougar.  "Cordelia said that might be a good idea."

"She's cracked mentally too," Jensen quipped.  "Since she wanted Cougar to take both of us in."

"Well, you two aren't close twins," she said with a grimace.  "But still twincest so eww, don't tell us those details.  I'd have to take the baby and be a mommy, which would horrify the demons."

Jensen stared at her.  "I don't think I'd ever screw my twin brother unless the world was going to end, Buffy."

"So, this spring, next spring," she offered with an evil smirk.  "It's always apocalypse season in the spring."  She strolled off.  "Which way to the local village?"

"West," Roque said with a point.  She changed directions, heading for the road.  He shook his head.  "I did not want that mental image."

"Me either," Jensen said as he typed.  "My big brother is a bit tough for his own good."

"It'd be like taming a wild cat," Cougar said.  He looked around.  "When are we due to call?"

"Six hours.  All the files are loaded into the truck Pooch brought for the higher ups."  That got a nod.  "This Max guy?"

"World domination sort," Jensen said with a smirk.  "What I'm finding is that he's an arms dealer who wants to redraw the borders everywhere so the US is the world leader again."

"We'll get into him soon," Clay decided.

"He's dead," Jensen said, pointing at the balls.  "That should be their memories."

"How do we use them?" Roque asked, not touching them.

"That I'm not totally sure of.  It'll take me a bit to look over.  Did you get those two drives?"  Clay nodded, handing it over.  "Did we loot his compound?"  He looked at him.  "Xander sent me an IM telling us to loot it in case we might need the extra money for things.  He had another vision and the realization that since Max sent us on this, someone wants us out the way."  Clay smirked and they went to loot things, including weapons.  They could always use more weapons and Jensen had a spanking new Council ID if he ever needed one.  Cougar had one as a 'parent of a slayer'.  That would help a lot.

***

Xander got called back to the US and went with a complaining son.  Not like he had a sitter and Sym was back in Cleveland complaining he was mean again since she had broken her ankle by stumbling and falling during a jog.  He had told her to quit talking on her phone while she ran.  He drove them to the airport and headed to the headache that was security.  He held up his Council ID.  "Got a meeting, guys."

"Weapons, Harris?" one asked.

Xander handed over the baby.  "I totally forgot.  It's habit."  He put everything into the box to have it shipped.  They did that with the slayers worn weapons as well, just like they did with agents and officers.  He took the baby back with a grin.  The guard closed it and sealed it, writing his name on it.  They hand-wanded him.  "Thank God you guys aren't Customs this time," he said dryly.

"He have problems?" the guard asked.

"Yeah, he has his daddy's last name."  The guard shuddered.  "No, witches did it to me," he said at the curious look.  "They let others do it because they wanted me to be normal again.  We lost her recently."

"Thank you, God," the guard mumbled.  "Figured there was a witch involved in that."

Xander nodded.  "How is he doing?"

"He's fine and his baby was on tv this morning.  They had tape of the c-section online and things."  Xander grinned.  "How did he...."

"Same way," Xander said.  "Middle of the night."  The guard smiled and passed him through.  "Make sure that's going to DC."

"I am."  He made sure the flight time and tag were on it.  He hoped something bad wasn't going to happen in DC.  There were probably too many demons there already.

***

Xander walked into the White House, the son in his stomach snuggly carrier.  He was getting a bit big for it.  He let the guard hand wand him and the baby.  "I have a meeting in twenty minutes or so," he announced at the visitor's desk.  He handed over the letter he had been sent.

"Yes, Mr. Harris.  Do you have ID?"  He held up his Council ID since this was official business.  "Oh, one of those meetings."

"Probably, yeah."  He smiled.  "Who else is coming to it?"

"I haven't seen anyone yet, sir."  They checked the diaper bag but let him go to the room the meeting was going to be held in.  The baby was a bit cranky but he settled in with a bottle.  The check-in guard radioed that he was there.

Xander looked up when people finally showed up an hour later.  He knew the higher ups were busy but really!  "Sirs," he said, nodding at the head of the army.  He looked at his son then at him.  "Problems we can help you with?"  The president walked in.  The baby stared at him.  "That's the president, Xadrian.  Be polite."  The baby cooed and waved, getting a smile and a wave back.

"He's adorable."

"Thank you.  He's trying really hard since he pissed off most of the plane on the way over."

"Long way from Malaysia," he said dryly.

"Long way from the place where I have an escape portal set," Xander quipped.  Then he smiled.  "We have problems, sir?"

"I'm told that you interfered in a team's mission?" the head of the army asked.

Xander stared at him.  "I had a very nice vision of the head arms dealer trying to screw with my twin brother and his team.  It was in repayment for watching me while I was pregnant.  Especially since it led Willow and my father to team up to try to kill my son and Max to actually show up at my house."  The president muttered.  "By the way, I called in a favor and he's dead with his head minion Wade."  He smiled.  "And I helped with that situation down there since it was going to get them declared dead."  He looked at the president.  "Was there a problem with stopping a major weapons dealer, sir?"

"No, Mr. Harris, not really on my end.  They're a bit mad that they found some people in his employ."

"Hmm, yeah, some people will always have a bad idea for easy money."  He shrugged.  "Among the slayers, I spank them out when they need me to."

"How did you know how to take down his compound?" the head of the army asked.

Xander smirked.  "Beyond the memories I got one halloween?  Sir, what do you think I did in Africa, Asia, and the Middle East while training and helping the slayers for the last four years?"  He gaped.  "Do you think he was the first one I had to break into?  Because the first one was someone who was taking villagers hostage as slave labor.  That was within six months of me getting to Africa the first time."

"Why doesn't anyone know that about you?" he demanded.

"Plenty of people know that about me, sir.  Jensen found it fairly easily when he went looking in the underground spots.  He found a whole bunch of shit that no one's ever taken notice of.  Hell, he found whole apocalypse battles the girls didn't realize were fought."

The president coughed.  "I knew the Council liked to ignore you."

Xander grinned at him.  "They all think I'm really normal, sir."

"Not in my book, Harris."  Xander grinned.  The baby squealed.  "No sitter?"

"No.  His daddy's busy."  He picked him up to put him in his lap.  "Are you happy?"  The baby beamed.  "You only do that when Dawn checks on you, son."  He looked at the president.  "I'm down to only training until he's older and we can travel again."

"Wonderful," he decided.  "That guy on tv?" the president asked.

"Willow decided it'd be safer for me with my mystically induced one if it was more normal.  I couldn't undo it but I did counter wish it so it couldn't be an accident."

"Thank you for that small mercy," the head of the Army said dryly.

Xander shrugged.  "I couldn't undo it."

"Where is she?"

Xander stared at him.  "She was trying to poison my son so my father could sacrifice him.  Where do you think she was buried?"

"Oh, dear," the president said.  "So no undoing it?"

"Actually we may be able to undo it in a few years.  We have one of the covens we work with looking at the spell she created to see if it can be undone.  It might take *all* the world's witches since she powered it using both hellmouths, but they're looking."

"Thankfully."  He stared at him and the baby.  "You know you're not supposed to interfere with military ops?"

"I got there long before the military did, sir.  They were over an hour behind me."

"Oh."  They shared a look.  "Your brother's team tends to ... get into trouble."

"I believe that's why you put them together," he said dryly.  "Made them a team."

"Good point," the head of the army sighed.

"Basically they're your version of what I am to the Council," Xander told him.  "And hey, this kept them from being declared dead, having to go after Max themselves, getting tangled in some CIA crap, and my brother nearly getting dead.  It also kept a small yield nuclear device from being bought by Max.  He had a lot of very bad ideas going."

"How detailed was this vision?" the head of the army asked.

"Enough to know who, what, and what I needed to do to stop the progression.  Then I looked him up through some contacts."

"What happened to his body?" the president asked.

"I let a contact I know eat him," Xander said with a smile.  "Him and his head minion.  I even nicely leaked hellmouth radiation on them first.  I don't think he's ever going to come after my son again."

"I know most parents are rabidly protective," the president said dryly.

"I've just got more means, sir."  He smiled.  "Though it was mean of my brother's team to partially disarm my apocalypse stash."

"We heard," the head of the army said dryly.  "Gibbs is keeping it safe for your coworkers."

"That's what I heard too.  They didn't want me to mood swing and blow someone up."  He shrugged.  "That's okay, the baby got a few for baby presents."  He grinned.  "They were so nice to me."

The president looked at him.  "Are you retired from the Council, Harris?"

"Not really.  We decided I'm training in our compound.  When he's older we'll start traveling to train the girls and boys again.  With him being male that means boys can be called."  They both moaned.  "Thank my father for that," he quipped.  "He nearly made him mine and my brother's son instead."

"Who is his father?" the head of the army asked.

"Cougar.  The witches who helped break that chose him."

"That's good.  You and Jensen's child together would be fairly scary."

Xander beamed.  "Thank you.  My twin will enjoy that."

"You're twins?" the president asked.

"Fraternal."

"Oh," he said, looking at the head of the military then back at him.  "You could...teach some of the newer soldiers to do the same things you have."

"Are you going to give the Council some people to help with training, sir?  We could probably use a few but we'd have to make sure they could handle bouncy, hyper teenage girls."

"We were more thinking about putting you in the military."

Xander smirked.  "You can't do that, sir.  Not with my eye being gone."  The president grimaced.  "Also, you don't want to do that because the intake physical will discover that I've been exposed to some fairly dangerous diseases that we don't want anyone to know about."  He grinned at the head of the army.  "Beyond that, I'd ruin people.  Quickly."  He smirked.  "And I'm too old."  He looked at the president again.  "My present job suits me, keeps me from being bored, and gives me plenty of time to train my son, the slayer.  Why would I want to change, sir?"

"You still interfered in a military op," the head of the army said.  Xander sighed and pulled out a hand-held computer, typing into it and showing him the entry.  The head of the army whimpered.  "How?"

"I was there.  It's my job to fix bigger mistakes like that.  That's why I get the visions.  I may not always be so direct, but I do fix things.  That's my real job within the Council, that and training the girls in out-of-the-way spots."  He stood up, grabbing his diaper bag.  "Is there anything else I need to hear beyond don't get caught doing it again, sirs?  I'm sorry I lacked such subtlety the last time.  I'll be more subtle in the future.  Last time I was only a few days post apocalypse battle."

"No, Xander, good work," the president said, staring at him.  "Think about retiring?"

"Then I'd get bored, sir."  He gave him a look.  "Mr. Giles would not like that."

"No, probably not," he decided.  "Your weapons?"

"All safely hidden like they were before."  He smiled.  "I'm very good at all that."

"Fine."

"Also, I saw the report of someone in my house, sir.  They're presently not real happy with the sedative darts that got used automatically on them."  He stared at him.  The head of the army gaped.  "I know you're mad I saved my brother, but really.  If you're in his employ, we'll find you too."  He smiled.  "Don't fuck with me and my family, sir.  It's not real nice and then I get to be not real nice."  He smiled at the president.  "Aren't you so glad they won't find your name sir?  After all, my twin does have all his files by now."  He left.  He smiled at the guards stomping his way.  "What's up, guys?"

"Sir, you're armed."

Xander pulled out his ID to hold up.  One shuddered and backed off.  "Yes, I usually have at least a stake and a knife on me.  Just in case.  I didn't use them or anything.  They're in the diaper bag because I was being a nice guy.  The head of the army just tried to chew on me for exposing a wannabe world dominator arms dealer sort."

"Eww," the agent muttered, walking him off.  "Let me escort you to the cab stand, sir."

"Gladly.  The baby's happy and all that."  He looked.  "I think I left a bottle in there.  It's just goats milk and you can toss it."

"Thank you."  He watched him leave and went to find that bottle.  It was goats milk and did get tossed.  "Sir, he's on his way home," he reported.

The president looked at him.  "Thank you, Agent DiNozzo.  What are you doing here?"

He smiled.  "Abby got a head's up, sir.  We wanted to make sure nothing untoward might be tracking the child.  Especially since one of them gave the baby a Patriot system recently."

The president grimaced.  "That's not good.  How did a demon get one?"

"No clue, but it's been put into the storage area of things that he's not supposed to have access to but the Council might need some day."

"Even better."  He sipped his milk.  "He's a bit too tough."

"Sir, consider him like a younger version of Gibbs," Tony told him.  "Only self trained.  I believe that's why you gave him a medal of honor."

"I did," he agreed.  "Fine.  What do you know about him otherwise?"

"Enough to respect him.  Most of us in the government do, sir."

"I suppose that's reasonable."  He finished his glass of milk.  "Is he heading home?"

"Probably with a stopover somewhere.  I know he has tickets later tonight to go back to Las Vegas."

"Why?  He's in Malaysia."

"He has an apartment there.  That's also where he flew in from this morning."

"Interesting.  You think he side-stepped Customs?"

"Sir, I think they'd give him hell for the baby," he said dryly. "Like they did the last time."

"Probably, yes."  He stared at him.  "Thank you, Agent DiNozzo."

"Just protecting those who protect us all, sir.  Especially since we have another battle in two weeks in LA."  He gave him a pointed look.

"Shit," he muttered.  "I forgot that briefing."

"Yup."  He grinned and walked out.  He went to tell Gibbs what had happened.  The kid had kept himself from being conscripted.  Barely.  But the baby was adorable.

***

Xander undarted the commando team leader, staring at him.  "Hi.  What are you doing in my house?"

"You have weapons," he said, slowly sitting up.

"Yeah, I keep them hidden from my brother's army team."  He grinned, holding up his ID.  "I need them more than you guys do."

"Oh, dear."

"Yeah, basically."  He handed him the short and sweet version of the report on Max. "There were higher ups sucking his cock.  They're a bit mad."

"We were told to take you and your son into custody, sir."  He looked up then at his people.  "My missing person?"

"He's still on the porch.  I didn't feel like dragging people today."  He stared at him.  "You trying to take us into custody would've gotten your whole team dead.  Quickly."  The soldier shrugged.  "I know you have to follow orders, but you might want to check to see if they got rescinded.  If so, I'll let you guys wake up and head back.  If not, I'll send you guys somewhere and let you make your way back.  I'm in a great mood.  My son just learned how to crawl."

"Wonderful of him, Harris."  He tapped his comm.  "It's dead."

"Yeah, that probably happened at the same time my security system darted you."  He handed over his cellphone and went to the kitchen.  "Want some water?  Non drugged or anything.  Bottled spring water even since the local well water tastes gross."

"Please," he said, looking uneasy.  He called the main number for the teams in trouble, giving his code.

"Tell Gretchen I said hi."

He did that and blinked a few times.  "She said hi back, sir, and she wanted a new picture of him."

"It's on the slayer server."  He handed over a bottle of water and went check on the baby.  He was napping.  Xander changed from a dress shirt into a t-shirt and got comfy in the living room.  The soldier clearly got orders he didn't like.  He was scowling.  "They tell you to try to take me into custody?"

"Yes, sir."

Xander shook his head.  "No thanks."  He used the house phone to call someone.  "It's me.  I have visitors the system got."  He hung up.  Then he smiled.  "They'll be nice but they'll deport you."

"Thank you, sir."  He hung up and checked his people.  The guy wasn't trying to hurt him or anything.

Clay walked through the portal with the rest of their team.  "The Goddamn army wants us to retire," he complained.

"They're trying to conscript me," Xander said, pointing at the team leader.  "Pulling the darts alone won't work.  You need the anti-paralytic applied as well," he called.  He looked at Cougar.  "Xadrian learned how to crawl today."

"Wonderful."  He went to check on the baby.

Jesnen leaned outside, grinning.  "Why did you get sent to bother my big brother?"

"Jensen?"

"Yup."  He beamed.

"They watned him in custody so he could be given new orders."

"He's not military.  He's not able to sign up thanks to his eye."

"I realize that but it's our mission."

Clay walked out, shaking his head.  "Someone higher up is sucking the wrong dick, Hendricks."  He smirked.  "They just tried to retire us."

"He gave me an intel file on an arms dealer."

"Yeah, he came after my twin too," Jensen said with a grin.  He looked inside.  "What was that?"  He listened.  Then he smirked evilly.  "Mr. Giles said if you guys were that mean to his people he'd move the main Council back to England and the military could handle Cleveland and any battles here in the US, like in two weeks in LA."

"We know nothing about killing demons."

"I think in that one you'll be able to behead them," Jensen offered.  "If we were local we might've had to show up to make sure Xander didn't."

"It takes your whole team to replace him?"  Clay nodded.  "Damn it!"

"Yup.  And with this problem....  Have fun in LA.  Or if you get sent to Cleveland, wear neck protection."  He walked back inside since the gate was opening.  "Did you call someone?"

"The guy who came to pick up the bomb."  He smiled.  "You guys don't have to go to LA.  It's going to be less than the last one was."

"Uh-huh," he said dryly.  "They could've used it and this way the girls are backed up with competent help."  He patted him on the head.  "Take a nap, kid.  Clearly you're tired again."

"Yeah, well, under attack," he muttered.

"Nap anyway," Clay ordered.  Xander curled up on the couch since Cougar had the baby to hold.  "He good?"

"He's crawling."

"Keep him in here.  We don't want him to bite that other team."  He went out to talk to the guy.  "They might need to be in LA for that battle in two weeks."

"We can deport them by then.  The US has no reason to send teams here," he said with a smile.  "Even if they are mad that Xander handled something for them."  They put the guys into the back of his truck.  "Xander, the usual paralytic?"

"No, the spider one," he called.

"Thank you."  He searched, finding one last one in the baby's room.  Apparently they had just walked over him a few times.  He got tossed in and his commander was put into the back as well then he drove them off to his bosses to talk to.

Jensen turned on CNN.  They could watch to see which higher up was embarrassed and retiring suddenly.  The head of the Army as it turned out and the president apparently knew.  So he was being given the special prosecutor treatment.  He'd be retiring in a few days due to his health.  He had been giving a speech so the heart attack caused by the demon popping in had been well seen.  The Vice President shot the demon and had the local slayer deal with it.  He also got to retire when the demon outed him as the person who had summoned him.  You had to love live tv.  Fortunately there was an election within six months.  Things would go back to normal fairly quickly.

***

The assault team got to the airport in LA the same day as the battle was supposed to happen.  They knew it was planned that way and they were sent to help the girls.  Harris had given them advice before their trip.  The NCIS guys who held the apocalypse supplies were there and they took over that duty as well.  They weren't used to standing battles but they handled it pretty well and were given to the Council because of it.  Though the head guy wasn't really thrilled.  The new president made himself very clear that nothing was to harm those slayers and Harris was to stay as retired as possible.  Fortunately that meant that they got to travel to the out-of-the-way slayers to work on their training.  It was much more sane than patrols in Cleveland with a bunch of teenage girls.

***

Clay reported back to the Pentagon a month after the battle.  They finally had picked someone who could give them orders.  He saluted and stood at attention.

"As you were, Colonel," the new head guy sighed, staring at him.  "Are you enjoying your vacation?"

"No, sir, we're going batshit crazy," he said dryly.  "Jensen's happy that he's gotten to hang out with both his siblings and their children.  Pooch is adoring being at home, though Jolene wishes he'd go away again.  Cougar is having a lot of fun watching the baby try to get into things."  He shrugged.  "Roque and I have been working with the slayers again."

"That's a good use of the downtime."  He looked at him.  "We need the rest of the information on Max and his people."  Clay handed over the hard drive.  "All of it?"

"All his files, his financials, his personnel and paid name lists.  His contacts files.  Jensen pulled it together for you, sir."

"Are there any other higher ups implicated?"

"Three or four within the service and the CIA."

"Shit."

"Two Marine higher ups, one Army, one Navy.  Sixteen CIA spooks.  A few links to NSA ghouls who may be walking undead for all we know.  A bunch of companies he's compromised and things."

"Charming."  He put it down.  "Does your team want to go back into the field?"

"We'd appreciate still having a job, sir."

"I know, Colonel.  The current president said that you're in a touchy spot."

"Harris isn't really that mean."

"No, I know that, he knows that, but they want him to fully calm down.  They know new parents are often over-reacting and jumpy."

"We handle that pretty well and Cougar is an excellent father."

"He is?"

"The witches picked him.  Thankfully.  They might've picked me, and then I'd have to be horrified."

He nodded.  "You could have a family."

"No thanks," he said with a smirk.  "Not ready to settle down with some crazy bitch yet, sir."

"Fine.  Though I know a few female officers who wanted children and were looking for sperm donors."  He shrugged.  "Just an option so your line doesn't die."  He stared at him.  "The president wants you on stand down until this whole Max thing blows over in the press."

"I figured that's why we've had a month."

"You have.  After that, I'm not sure what you'll be doing.  I haven't gone psychic and talked to the probable winner or anything."

Clay nodded.  "Xander's not foreseeing but he thinks the democrat will win."

"Okay, I'll take that under advisement."  He smirked.  "Any problems you've noted among the Council?"

"Half of them have no sense.  The girls go out in skirts, sometimes in heels.  That's Summers' influence.  The researchers are in the library and never come out.  Mr. Giles is one of those half the time.  That's why Xander's the second-in-command."

"That's something we like.  He has the field experience to know what needs to be done without coddling the girls."

"They're very much teenagers, sir.  There's two camps.  There's the Cleveland group, which is military ordered, and his girls, who are more like a sorority."

"Interesting.  Which way works better?"

"Depends on the girl."

"Good to know.  The battle in LA?"

"Mostly the Cleveland girls.  Most of his are the ones still in their native environments."

"Even better.  Can you help them with plans?"

"I can and have since Hendricks volunteered to go overseas to train some of them."

"A few foreign militaries are wary of that but he did give them the same training."

"So did Harris.  Or agents if they asked."

"Wonderful plans."  He smiled.  "An army is always better than a few young women."  Clay nodded.  "Will they go military?"  He shook his head.  "I suppose I can understand that.  Anything you want noted?"

"How long are we on leave for?"

"The election unless there's a massive issue.  You can use the time to solve some minor leaks that Harris might find among his contacts."

"I'll ask him if he has any.  Any other orders, sir?"

"No, Colonel.  For right now you're doing just fine."  He smiled.  "Consider it a vacation for doing a lot of very good, quiet work."

"Yes, sir, but we're going insane."

"I know but we need the Max thing to blow over.  There's some that wanted to send your team on a suicide mission because you outed that problem."  He smirked.  "Protect each other."

"I will, sir."  He saluted.

"One last question.  The Las Vegas thing?"

"He has an emergency evacuation portal there."

"Huh.  Good to know.  Good idea as well."

"Pooch's wife has access to one as well."

"Even better.  I respect your team, Colonel, even if some others are nervous."

"Shitbags should be gone, sir.  That's why you have us."

"Yup, we do."  He smiled.  "Go do something, Colonel, and get a tan.  You look pale."  Clay nodded, leaving him.  The general looked at the video link on his screen.  The future president smiled.  "Well?"

"He sounds like a good leader and a good man.  We'll make sure this does blow over.  How is that team given to the Council?"

"Happily teaching African military people how to handle demon emergencies and teaching them the Council way.  The girls are well trained and only needed a bit of support.  They report it's fairly easy and a lot more sane than Cleveland."

"Even better.  We'll keep with that plan for teams who're too slow to be in the field.  Clay's team....  We'll put them back in the field once all that blows over.  Until then, let them be daddies and uncles.  All of Harris' contacts are worried about what might happen if he gets upset at someone trying for his son again."

"It was probably lack of sleep that was making him that unsubtle, sir.  Or pain leftover from that battle before then."

"Probably," he agreed.  "It's nice he likes me more."  He smiled as he hung up.

"He probably thinks you have the higher demon in your pocket and they'll force their voters down here to vote for you," he said once he made sure it was off.  There were millions of demons who voted.  Especially in LA.

***

Cougar was antsy and nearly pacing, which was unusual for him.  The others had left them alone.  Jake had the baby for a bit because Jess wanted to see him.  The baby would be back in two days.  With the others.  Clay had been giving Cougar looks before they left so he clearly knew something needed to have a 'parenthood' talk.

Xander was outside repairing some of the equipment when Cougar came out.  He walked across the narrow beam.  Xander grinned.  "You're supposed to do it blindfolded while fighting."

"That's hard to do."  He sat down, watching him work.  "We should talk."

Xander stared at him.  "You've been giving me looks like the girls on diets give to donuts, Carlos."

"Si."  He stared at him.  "He is my son."

"I think that's kinda clear.  He has your hair."  He smiled.  "I've never doubted he was yours."

"Not the point."

"Oh!"  Xander nodded.  "Is your mother getting pushy?"  He hauled himself up next to him.

"Si but not the point."  He stared at him.  Xander blinked a few times.  "How do you feel...  About this?"

Xander shrugged.  "It doesn't bother me if that's what you're asking.  I've slept with a few guys in the past and some women.  I took the time to take a road trip after graduation that turned into a version of 'what happens when I do this'."  He shrugged.  "I'm not going to make you do anything.  It's not good for you or for any relationship."

"True."  He considered it.  Xander wasn't telling him he wouldn't.  He was saying it had to be a good relationship for him and their son.  Which he understood.  He only wanted the best for his son but the very thought of Xander even going on a date with someone else was going to make him angry again.  Strangely enough he had the same problem whenever Jake dated.  He sighed.  "I do not know what is going on."

Xander patted him on the arm.  "We'll figure it out.  I know you and Jake are close."

"Si," he agreed.

"Is Cordelia's idea taking root?" he teased with a grin.  Cougar nodded, looking at him.  Xander gaped.  "Um... I was teasing?"

"I know."  He kissed him.  Xander moaned.  It had been much too long for Xander.  He could taste the desperateness.  He pulled back.  "We will figure this out?"

"If that's what you want, we'll figure this out," Xander assured him, grinning at him.  "But I'm still not sleeping with Jake."

Cougar shrugged.  "It will work out however."  He slid down and helped Xander down.  They got back to fixing the equipment.  He was due to get another two slayers for training in a few days.  Two younger ones who hadn't reached the final calling stage yet.  This was their summer vacations.

***

Xander cooked dinner and brought out plates, handing one to Cougar before sitting down beside him.  "How's Jake doing?  I heard the text message."

"His sister thinks he is very smart and sassy."

"He can be, yeah."  He smiled, digging in.  "I tried for the native taste but I didn't have the right sauce."

Cougar ate and nodded.  "Tastes good anyway."  He ate, liking this.  It was comfortable.  Though the baby being there to take their attention might be nice.  He was nervous.  Xander was nervous too though.  His phone rang with a text message, letting him look at it.  He smirked, showing it to Xander.

"No, she can't keep the baby as a show-and-tell device," he said dryly.  "Not that he isn't amazing but his teacher might get very mad at that since he'd have to be there all day."

"Probably."  They finished eating and relaxed, letting Xander tell him about what the baby had been doing.  It was good to relax and talk.

***

The next afternoon, Xander got summoned to where his son was.  Jake was laughing hysterically.  He walked into the classroom, staring at his niece.  "Did you steal my son?"

"Yes, Uncle Xander."  She waved the baby's hand for him with a grin.  "For show and tell.  Uncle Jake was supposed to come pick him up so I could brag on him too."

He took the baby back, earning a happy squeal.  "Hi, son.  Did your cousin do good with you today?" he asked.  "Where is your Uncle Jake?"

"He had a flat tire," the teacher sighed, smiling at him.  "I called them right away, sir."

Xander grinned at her.  "She's a very careful cousin and we know she loves him a whole lot."

"She even showed the whole class how to change diapers," the teacher agreed with a smile.

"Yeah, that's how we convinced her he was going to be an only child."  The teacher snickered.  "C'mon, Xadrian.  Let's go home."  He stared at her.  Jake rushed in.  "You're that late?"

"She had him hidden in her backpack," the teacher told them with a smile.  "I had no idea she had a baby in there until math when he woke up and decided to squeal."

"That meant Dawn was checking on him.  She's the one who called me first.  I was getting dressed when you called."  He looked at his niece, who was trying to look cute and harmless.  "At least he didn't get hurt."  He looked at one kid, who was trying hard to slink down.  "Hi, David."

"Hi, Mr. Harris.  How's my sister?"

"The last I heard she's still in Brazil but she's due some leave time in about a month and then she's switching to Cleveland for a six month stint."  The boy beamed.  "I'll tell her you said hi."  He looked at his niece.  "No more," he said quietly.

"Yes, Uncle Xander.  He was a very good boy for us and the other girls really liked him too.  He was so much better than a doll."

He shook his head.  "We'll talk later."

"Are you staying?"

"For dinner so I can talk to your other uncle to see how you snuck him out."  He walked out.  "Thank you, Mrs. Granger."

"Thank you, Mrs. Granger.  I stupidly slept in today so she took the bus," Jensen said, hurrying after his brother.  He looked at him.  "Are you really mad at her?"

"I'm amazed she managed it and I'm going to have her tested for magic later," Xander said, smiling at him.  "Did she bring the diaper bag?"

"No, I think she packed a bottle and a few diapers."  He pointed.  "I have the carseat and diaper bag."

"Even better."  He spotted an older woman jogging their way.  "I'm guessing she's the principal."

"Yeah.  Hi, Ms. Standards."

"Mr. Jensen.  Mr. Harris?"  He smiled and nodded.  "I have a student you need to look at.  I think she's a slayer."

"Okay, we can do that."  He walked after her, finding the girl locked in the gym and a mess around her.  "Hey."  He sat down, letting the son sin in his lap.  She blinked at him.  "What happened?"

"I just got mad and things happened," she whispered.  "I don't know why."

"There's a few good reasons for that.  C'mon out of the corner.  I won't hurt you.  I'm from the Council and my niece goes here."

"You work with slayers?"

"I train some of the slayers actually."  He smiled.  "C'mere."  She came closer and Xander took her hand, holding it palm out.  Jake got him the tiny zip bag from the diaperbag, letting him drop something on her palm.  "Hmm, not a slayer but..."  He smiled.  "I know why.  We'll talk to your mommy and you after school, all right?"  She nodded, wiping her hand off.  I know, it itches."  He patted her on the head.  "It'll be okay.  For today, I want you to stay calm, go hide in the office or whatever the principal wants you to do.  All right?"  She nodded slightly.

He let her cuddle the baby.  He was more than happy to make new friends and she was cuddly.  It'll be okay.  I promise it'll be okay."  She nodded and let him have the baby back.  "Ms. Standards?"  She came in.  "She's not a slayer but she does have some minor magical gifts.  I'm going to talk to her mommy and then we'll talk with her tonight.  Do we have a way for her to stay calm and non-emotional today?"

"I dare say she's going to be in the office until her mother shows up."

"That's fine.  We can use your office."  He smiled.  "It's all good.  I can help her learn what she needs to know to lock it down.  It's mostly meditation."  She smiled and nodded. Xander walked with her, Jake following them.  "Hi.  Xander Harris, from the Council," he said, shaking the mother's hand.  "Let's chat first.  Can you sit out here with my little brother?" he asked her.  She nodded, sitting down with Jake and the baby.  She took him to cuddle, pouting some when her mother stared at her oddly.  Xander led her into the office.  The principal got nodded out so they could have some privacy.  He stared at her.  "Her father was a halfie?" he asked finally.

"I was... I was really drunk at a party," she admitted quietly, glancing at the door.  "He was?"

"He was.  She's just had a coming out of the natal gifts of her daddy's species.  They're not a bad thing.  W e can help her control them with some meditation techniques but she does need to learn some better emotional control.  If you ever saw the movie _Firstarter_?  She's just like Drew Barrymore."

"Oh, dear.  Will she start fires?"

"Not unless she's terrified probably.  Today I'm guessing it was some picking and she lost her temper.  Started to yell."

"Probably."  She sat down.  "How hard is it?"

"Not at all.  Basically if she's getting into the focused meditation she'll be fine.  I'll see if there's some around here so you can introduce her and make sure they'll accept her as a part of his line.  That'll mean they have to help if she's in trouble.  Because if she's ever hurt by someone, everyone will probably know."

"That's actually a relief.  I can talk with her.  Was that your son?"

"My brother had him to visit our sister and our niece was so brilliant she snuck him out of the house for show and tell."  She giggled.  "She apparently gave some very good lessons in how to change diapers and things too because he had a flat tire."  He grinned.  "Relax, it's not a bad thing.  I've seen six or seven that're half or a quarter.  The full ones tend to be telepaths and that sucks majorly.  It's always a headache, even with shields."

"That's good to know.  Thank you."

"Not a problem.  We even have some of them online."  He grinned.  "You letting it be known...."

"I don't think so.  She's a bit against all of you guys."

"Yeah, I know some are."  He opened the door.  "Jake, we'll need your laptop to look something up.  The beginning exercises are all online."  He took his son back, letting the principal come in with him and the child.  Jake got his laptop and came in to find it for him.  "All right," he said, looking at her.  He put her into a chair so she was comfy.  "What you did earlier came from your daddy's family."

"I don't know him."

"I do know of his family.  So I'll be talking to some of them later.  What you'll need to do to make sure that doesn't happen again, unless you need it to so you're protecting yourself," he said, staring at her, "is some exercises like meditation stuff."  She nodded, smiling at that.  "That's what my brother's looking up for you.  It should be in the other section," he said in Jake's ear.  He got a nod and he found it.  "Yup, those."  He pulled a chair over to go over with her.  He got her through the first one.  Her mother helped.

"All right.  I need you to start doing those daily.  I need you to stay in control of your temper, which this will help.  If you feel yourself slipping, I want you to go back and start doing them.  Once you're comfy with this one, you do this one then add on the second one."  She nodded.  "By the time you start next year, you should be able to do the third, which is kinda hard to visualize and keep sometimes but it's very handy and once you get it down good, it'll snap into place and it'll help a lot more with the temper stuff."  He petted her on the head.  "The only permissible time to use something like that is to protect yourself or someone else who needs it."

"I understand," she told him.

"Good."  He smiled at the principal.  "I'll let some of his family know so they can track wherever her father is so they can talk."  He looked at the mother.  "If you need us, you call us," he told the mother.  "Or my sister because she'll have whatever number I'm using at the time to get hold of me."  She nodded, smiling at him.  "You have a better day.  Work really hard at it because in a few years you're going to be pissed off at the world most of the time and we want you in control by then."  He smiled.

"I won't be one of those teenagers, Mr. Harris."

"Good girl.  Call me if you need to.  You or your mommy."  She nodded.  He looked at the principal.  "Let me find that?"

"Thank you."

"Not a problem.  Sometimes family gifts come out.  I saw one last year in China that had a family heritage of magic show up against after eight generations of being dormant and then had to keep her from military control.  Something like this is all emotional control and it should be easy enough for her to manage."  He waved the baby's hand.  "Thank you for handling this calmly.  You wouldn't believe how some people freak out."  He and Jake left with the baby.  "Demon bar?" he asked in the car.

"Downtown."  They drove that way. "Think it'll be open?"

"Probably.  If not, there'll be a store nearby that'll cater to the community."  The bar wasn't open but the door was unlocked.  Xander walked in with the baby.  "Hola."

The bartender flinched.  "We don't have non-peaceful here, Harris."

"I know that.  We just had a quarter Frola break out at the school."

"Shit."

"Yup.  She got a bit emo.  Tossed stuff telekintetically.  I got her started but someone needs to talk to her mommy.  She's about eight I think."

"That's about the right age to break out.  Any idea who the halfie parent was?"

"Party.  Drunk."

"Ah.  I'll pass it along to the matriarch."

"Please tell her the girl wants to control it so she doesn't freak like the one in Hartford last year?"

"She killed her for that."  He smiled.  "We have six vampires in town."  Xander patted the baby on the head.  "Get us a girl?"

"Yeah, I can do that."  He got into his phone, finding a number.  "Helga, Xander.  The town where my sister lives has about six vamps coming up if you can have a weekend off college?"  He grinned.  "Yup, there.  Thanks, dear."  He hung up.  "She's got finals this weekend but she'll pause on her way back home for the summer."

"Thank you.  We want to stay peaceful."

"Peaceful is nice and keeps everyone out of trouble," Xander agreed.  "Because the President pushed some military guys on the Council to do some of my job."

"Charming of them.  Your niece?"

"We're so testing her later," he said dryly.  "I now she's not a slayer."  The bartender grinned.  "What did you see her doing?"

"She's real convincing when she's whining."

Jake groaned, nodding.  "She did it to me last night after I said no to more ice cream."

"We can stop that," Xander promised.  "The same as I stopped mine."  He grinned.  "Let us know."  He left, taking Jake back to the car so they could head back to Jess's house.  They searched their niece's room, finding the neo-pagan book written by wannabes.  It had just enough to lead her to meditative mind magics.  Xander put it on the desk.  Jake found the other two in the set and put them in the same spot.  Then they called Jess to get her opinion.

***

Xander looked over as his niece walked in.  "C'mere."  She walked over, looking scared.  He sighed, staring at her.  "We gotta talk about some things, sprout.  Including your grandfather."

"Why?"

"Because you're starting to walk down his path."  He put her on the couch and stood up so he could pace while he they talked.  Well, he talked.  She listened, growing more and more scared looking.  By the end he looked at her.  "Which is why you're going to learn some things this summer."  She swallowed, shaking her head.

"You have to have it in control.  Otherwise it comes out and can hurt someone," he said quietly.  "Therefore you're going to learn how to shield the correct way.  Because you are much too young to do anything else."  He stared at her.  "That will protect you and those around you."  She nodded once.

"When you're a teenager, you can get back into the Craft.  In whichever form you choose to learn.  Until then, you are seven.  You are not old enough."  He stared her down.  "That was dangerous.  He could've been hurt a whole lot today.  He could've suffocated in your backpack.  He could've gotten a concussion if you weren't careful."  She slumped, nodding, biting her lip.

"I still love you but it will not happen again," he said calmly.  "We'll help make sure it won't."   He got into the printouts Jake had made for him, sitting beside her.  "This is your new meditation.  This is to put up shields so no one can sense you and you can't be touched by something that could come for you because of it.  None of us want to see that."

"Is that like things come for slayers?" she asked quietly.

"Yup, and they're a lot less nice when they come for kids with gifts, Bethie.  Also, if you *ever* see your grandfather, I want you to scream and yell.  I'll be talking to your mom about that later."  He smiled.

"He's nice."

"No he's not.  He tried to have Xadrian killed."

"Oh," she said, starting to pout.  "Why is he a bad guy?"

Xander leaned closer, pulling him next to him.  "Because he chose to be.  He could have used his gift for good things, the same as you can, but he decided not to.  It was a bad decision on his part."  She looked up at him.  "Giles, the head of the Council, used to play with magic stuff with him until he figured out he was going too evil.  Then he quit.  Your grandfather chose to stay bad.  Like a bank robber."

"Oh."  She sighed, nodding some.  "So I have to make that choice?"

"When you're older.  Right now we just need to make sure you're protected.  That way nothing can come for you while you learn how to shield yourself.  Your Uncle Jake is getting some henna stuff so we can draw protections on your back after dinner.  Your mom will have to redo them every few weeks but that's fine."  He stroked over her hair.  "We'll work on it and it'll be okay.  I need to do the same thing for Xadrian because he got both gifts."

"Is it really a gift?" she asked quietly.

"That depends on what you use it for.  If you use it with ethics, to help people, yes.  If you don't and you go like your grandfather did, no.   Even if unintended gifts come of it, it's not one if you use it for bad things.  Like being super strong, like slayers are.  It can be used to help or used to hurt.  I paddled the hell out of one of them last year for being a bully."

"I guess I can understand that."  She looked at him.  "A few of my friends talked me into trying it."

"If they have gifts, I want you to tell them the same thing about gifts.  Teach them the shielding meditations."  She nodded.  "You don't have to scare them straight but if you find them going wrong, you have to tell one of us.  Even your mommy so she can talk to their parents.  Because you can do a lot of harm and that goes against the first rule."

"Do as ye will but first do no harm," she recited.  He nodded.  "I get it."

"Good.  Start on that.  I'm betting you're probably grounded like hell, niece."

"Yes, Uncle Xander."  She slid to the floor to start on the first meditation.  She needed to be safe to protect her mother and her cousin.  Her uncle was right about that.

Xander watched her, looking up when Jess walked in.  "We had a good talk."

"Did she cry?"

"No.  I told her about her grandfather too."  He stared at her.  She nodded that was fine.  "She has shielding meditations to go over.  We'll be doing henna protections tonight.  Which means you'll have to redo them now and then.  She's not old enough for a tattoo."

"Good.  I can handle that."  She came in to get her daughter and talk to her.  This was a mother's job and she had things to talk to her daughter about beyond what Xander had told her.   Jake and the baby showed up and Xander took his son.  Cougar followed.  "Hey.  Sorry."

"This is a problem," he assured him.  "You must handle it."

"Bethie?" Jensen asked.

"Bedroom with her mom.  I told her about Dad.  We had a good talk about gifts and being good with things."

"Good."  He went to help his sister talk to her daughter while they did the henna marks on her.  Xander had the pattern already set up online for anyone who needed it.

Cougar sat beside Xander, letting him rest his head on his shoulder.  "It will be fine.  She will not turn that way."

"Chaos is sexy and easy," he said quietly.  "It's real easy to slip."

"She has a lot of strength behind her."  Xander nodded that was true.  Cougar smiled, letting Xander take comfort with him.  It was very nice in a lot of ways.  He could learn to enjoy this sensation.  He saw Jensen come out and pause, then turn around and walk off.  "Jake."  He came back.  "Sit."  Jake sat down hesitantly.  He realized Xander was asleep.  "Perhaps the nosy one had a point," he said quietly.

"Huh?"

Cougar smiled and pulled him closer.  "We will work it out."

"Sure."  He relaxed.  He was very soothing.  Very comforting.  He napped on his shoulder too.

Jess and Beth came out, pausing to stare at them.  "Huh," Jess said quietly, taking the baby from Cougar, who smiled at her.  "We'll be talking."  He nodded.  They went into the kitchen to do the henna in there.  It was easier to clean up than her bed or carpet.  Then she and her daughter both worked on the shielding meditations until someone ordered pizza for dinner.

***

Cougar and the baby both went home with Xander that night.  He was exhausted and nearly slept through dinner.  They weren't sure why but he was.  The house had more protections on it so they were safer there.  Xander perked up some once they got home but not very much.  Jake put the baby down for the night.  Cougar pulled them both into Xander's room.

"Um, Cougs, I'm not really into sleeping with my brother.  We're not that sort of twins."  He grinned to take the uneasiness away.

Cougar stared at him.  "I would never ask but we must work this out."

Xander blinked at him.  "Does that mean Jake's your on-duty husband and I'm the off-duty one?"

"That's a filthy thought," Jake complained, sitting on the other end of the bed.  "Really, truly nasty, Xander."

Xander shrugged.  "Looks like it."

Cougar sighed, looking up to mutter a prayer then stared at them.  "They will push soon."

Xander groaned.  "They won't.  They really won't."

"Bet me," Cordelia said, looking smug as she faded into view.  "Good choice, Carlos."  She beamed.  "It'll keep your mother off your back too."  She smirked at Xander.  "The higher ups are looking to replace Willow."

"Her name is Jessica Benelevia.  She's in lower France," he said dryly.  "I spanked her last year for fascinating a whole eatery to get free pastries."

"Huh.  I'll look at her and point her out."  She beamed.  "Yes.  You must.  The higher ups, every single one, even Janus, like this idea to keep your son safe with you."

"My son will be safe no matter what," he said dryly.

"Na-uh.  Not totally, dear."  She blew a kiss at Jake.  "They don't care if you sleep with Xander or not.  Or if you and Carlos are madly in love.  If you are then that'll work for you and you're his harem.  If not, then you're still his harem and you can work that out.  Your team leader already knows.  Janus appeared to them at the other one's house."  Xander growled.  "Down, puppy.  He didn't try anything."

She smiled at Cougar.  "You have two choices.  You can protect both of them, at which point in time your son's going to be pretty safe and will end up taking over Xander's job of training, or you'll have to retire to be a full time daddy in about three years when Xander gets killed in a battle."  She smirked.  "And then you'll lose Jake because they relinked them by fixing what Ethan broke.  By the way, Janus said he's *real* sorry about Ethan being an idiot, Xander.  He apparently thought Jake had the magic gifts."  Jake coughed and lit up a ball.  "Well, damn."

"I never use it and I've kept it sealed up for *years*," he admitted with a grin.  "What if I don't want to be a harem mate with my brother?"

"Yay?"  She shrugged.  "You'll both die when he does.  This will give Xander a reason to calm down and retire slightly more, back to protecting you four and his slayers.  No more massive battles," she said slowly and clearly, staring at him.

"Fuck off," he said, making her cackle.  "If they need me I'll be there."

"Why?  That's their job now.  The president considers it nice.  His mother wrote him a nice letter about having her poor son's unit moved to help the Council so he could see his son more often.  The prototype group is working out so well that they like that idea.  Since you're all getting older...."  She smirked at Cougar.  "This is your new base camp, baby.  The others can move here if they want."   She faded off, but popped back.  "Xander, what did you do?"

He smirked.  "I don't like that idea, dear.  I don't really consider having to fuck my brother a reward and isn't there a rule against incest?"

"Yeah but you're exempt because of all the crazy shit you do.  Now, can I go?"

"No."  He smiled.  "Not in the least."  She glared, one foot tapping in midair.  "I've seen scarier cuddly things.  The son scowls better."

A male voice sighed as he appeared.  The two heads made it obvious who it was.  The scowling head kept scowling but the smiling head talked.  "Though this is not ideal, it will keep you three safest.  The baby, you, and Cougar are very important in a future battle, Harris.  Your twin is very important in other areas and for other reasons, though he'll have a broken leg for that battle.  I'm sure it won't be the first you'll have."  Jensen nodded once at that, still not looking pleased.  "Unfortunately this is the only way we can keep problems from happening.  Because if you're not mated and the baby doesn't grow up well, he'll have to become Buffy instead of you."

"Why would he?" Jake asked.

"We never want him to get to the point where he looks at a battle and thinks 'maybe I'll go back today, it's a good day for it'."  He looked at Xander again.  "We don't want to tempt *anyone* to have to pull him back from his first death."

"He'd better not die," Xander said dryly.

"It would be after you did," Janus assured him.  "He'll have people to cling to but not as much because that one would be overseas on a regular mission that could get him dead.  With his uncle.  His aunt is going to get a bit strange about then because she might *finally* find someone of her own who is worthy of her.  Which may mean you end up with both children if they fight like expected."  He looked at Jake.  "You know her taste."

"Unfortunately.  I'd run off anyone like that."

"You'd have been overseas for the whole thing.  He'd be the one to kill your twin.  That would leave those two alone and struggling to be a fully active slayer at twelve.  On the streets."  Jake growled.  "Do we see why we want to stop that?"

"I do," he agreed firmly.  "I still don't want to share a husband with my brother."

"No one says you have to sleep with him, Jake.  Though your father expects it of you two.  That's why he was so frantic to keep you two apart."

"The sperm donor reads the wrong porn," Xander said dryly.  "You know, you guys keep underestimating me and my skill set."

"No one survives a head shot," Janus said.  "Even with accidental magic helping."  Xander consciously flexed that.  "Interesting but it won't be enough to protect you and your son."  He stared at him.  "If you accept this and don't fight it, your son will be protected and so will you.  He'll have a lot more time with his father.   You might even wish to have another one some year.  Who probably won't be a slayer."  Xander snorted.  "The Powers removed that recently when they realized if you bore another slayer she'd be the standard bearer who would fight against their wishes."  He stared at him.  "It's your choice."

"Deal or no deal?" Cordelia quipped.  "And let me go, Xander!"

"Bite me, Cordy."  He stared at Janus.  "Why are they so interested in the son and me?"

"For me, you're both mine.  You father promised me his first born."  He smiled.

"No wonder I survived Somalia," both twins muttered, then glared at each other.

"Actually," he told Jake.  "That's why *he* survived Somalia."  He pointed at Cougar.  "You survived by the same sort of hellmouth taint Xander has more of."  He smirked.  "Xander survived it because the same person wanted that hellmouth taint and he nearly created a whole new one there letting them have it."

"It worked, and it works to cook some people so demons can eat them," Xander quipped.

"Eww," Cordelia complained.  "Even that psycho, eww."

Xander shrugged.  "It's safer now."

"Yeah, a lot."  She smirked.  Then at Janus.  He sent her home with a wave of his hand.  "Thank you!  I saw plenty of him naked in the past."

Janus rolled his eyes.  "Yes, that's why you dated her.  Your father thought she was a nice, steady influence."  Xander quirked an eyebrow up.  "He felt it after the costume incident."  He grinned.  "He didn't recognize you.  He still didn't until well after Sunnydale fell.  Then he threw a damn fit at me for it."  He patted him on the head then Jake.  He patted Cougar on the cheek.  "All the chaos gods adore these two and if you don't treat them well, we'll show up to play with you."  Both heads smiled as he disappeared.

Xander and Jake shared a look then huffed.  "I hate the higher powers messing in destiny."

"Ditto."  They looked at Cougar.  "You can still run," Jake assured him.  "We know you'd be there for him and find him as soon as humanly possible with me so they'd both be protected."

Cougar took off his hat, putting it on the bedknob.  "Destiny has a place in the faithful."

"Yeah but we're not really faithful," Xander said, looking nervous.

Cougar petted him and smiled at Jake.  "We will work it out."  Jake pouted.  "Tough.  It is better for bambino."  He sat on the bed.  "We will talk."  He stared at Jake, who talked more than his brother did.

"I'm still being creeped out by being your harem with my twin."

"In the old days I'm sure it was considered a powerful thing to own," Xander said dryly.

"Probably.  Twin chaos mage potentials?"  He looked at Cougar.  "Which would make you a Pasha everyone would want to be."

Cougar smirked.  "Many already do."

The twins shared another look and hit Cougar with pillows.  They settled in to talk to him.  He was taking this better than they were.  It might come down to an on-duty and an off-duty wife situation.  Because Jake did not want to sleep with his twin.  Xander was touchy and not into the same level of fun.  He was more intense and more 'pleasure whore' Xander than Jake was.  Or so he had heard.

***

Clay made it to Malaysia, walking through the portal from Las Vegas.  He caught them all sleeping and the baby in his bed looking confused as he complained.  He got the baby out, letting him crawl off.  "Find the parents," he said quietly.  The baby went for the daddy's room so he followed.  Sure enough, asleep on top of Cougar.  "At least they worked it out."  Cougar blinked at him, shaking his head.  "You sure?" he asked dryly.  Cougar nodded.  "Why not?"

"The twin thing," Jake muttered, waking up with a yawn.  "Damn it."  Cougar smiled at him.  Jake got up with a groan, stepping over the baby.  "Let me pee then I'll change where you did, Xadrian.  Xander?" he called loudly, getting batted at.  "I think someone's getting sick again."

"Your sister thinks it's PMS," Clay said dryly.  He put the fussing baby on the bed, watching as he crawled up Cougar to nap on his chest, smiling at the scowl the baby gave him before sticking his thumb in his mouth and putting his head down to nap.  "He has more personality than some kids in basic."

Cougar nodded.  "Very."  He patted the baby's back gently, earning a coo.

Xander blinked at the baby next to his face.  "Morning, Xadrian.  How did you get out of your baby jail?"  He pulled him closer to cuddle.  "Daddy's good boy."  The baby snored.  He smiled.  "That's very talented, son."

"He snores like my mother," Cougar said in Spanish, cracking Clay up.  "We should change him."  Xander got up with a moan, taking the baby to change him.

Jake came out of the bathroom to kiss the baby on the head.  "Cereal, Xander?"

"Yup.  Please."  He got the baby changed, cleaned up, and dressed in real people clothes, bringing him out to his high chair.  He was scowling again until Daddy and his hat came out to feed him.  Xander smiled.  Cougar was a good father.  The higher ups had picked well for his son.   Jake and Xander made breakfast for everyone else.  They sat down once it was on the table.  "So, we saw Janus," Xander said dryly.

"So did we.  Freaked Jolene out."  He sipped his coffee.  "We heard why too."  He looked at the trio, who all shrugged.  "How are you going to work this out?"

"They are my harem," Cougar said simply.  "That way they don't have to touch."

"Fine."  He looked at Xander.  "I'm also told that his mother got us loaned out semi-permanently to your people."

"Yeah, he told us that too," he said dryly.  "I'm wondering if anyone's told Giles yet."

"We called him earlier.  He said that was very nice of the president, trying to keep your family together, and he set us up in the main building for now dealing with the training while Jake helps the IT department and picks on your slayers for you.  His words."

"Giles does think differently than I do about the slayers."  He stuffed his mouth, watching his son stare at his father.  "You don't have to miss him so much, Xadrian."

The baby babbled and cooed at him.  Then went back to staring at the daddy with the spoon.  Cougar smiled and fed him a bite of egg as well.  He didn't know what to make of that so he demanded more.  He got more and that was nicer.  He could learn to like that stuff.  It went well with his cereal too.  His Uncle nicely even gave him a piece of toast to gum on too.  That was tasty and slimy, which made it even better.  So he had a good breakfast.  When he was done, Daddy cleaned him up and put him down.  He went to investigate the new uncle and then mommy, who let him sit in his lap while he finished his food.  That let him steal a piece of ham.  Which was harder to suck on but it tasted nice enough he supposed.

"That's right, son.  Learn to like meat.  You can't be a vegan, you'll be a weak slayer."  He hugged him and finished up quickly, taking him to the porch to get some sun.  The baby enjoyed that and the goat came over to bleat at him.

"His best friend is a goat?" Jake asked, sitting beside him to pet the thing.

"He won't let me buy him a stuffed one.  I tried and he threw an unholy fit."  He glanced inside but Clay was talking to Cougar.  They went back to letting the son coo and fuss at the goat.  Xander remembered to call someone to breed the goat and that was nicer.  They could handle that he guessed.  The baby would like having smaller playthings to coo at too. The goat wandered off, going back to her grazing.  Xander moved her to a new spot that was getting a bit high while Jake kept the baby from crawling to the driveway after him.  "He likes the dirt."

"I noticed."  The baby went to a potted plant and crawled into it, cackling as he petted the leaves.  "Um...."

Xander came back to look.  "That's baby safe.  The only one that isn't is the fern."  He went back to pounding in the goat's tether and milking her.  That went inside and he came back out to sit in the sun on the hammock.  The baby was staring at him.  "Have Uncle Jake get me a book and we can read, Xadrian."  Jake got one and the baby stared in awe at him.  Xander took it and the baby crawled over, letting them put him up with the mommy.  He loved books.  Even the older books that Daddy sometimes read in that funny language stuff.

Cougar came out to stare at him.  "Why are you reading to him in Latin?" he asked.

"He's got to learn it.  He'll be naturally multi-lingual this way.  Yours, mine, Latin, and the local language."

Cougar nodded, going back inside.  He came out with books in Spanish.  Xander grinned, getting into them to read to the baby.  And his brother, who was watching.  "I can," Jake said quietly, taking one of the English ones.  Xadrian watched him, letting him pick him up to put him in his lap to read to him.  Jensen ended up in the hammock by Xander's feet, stretching out so the baby could switch between them easier.  His crawling didn't make it swing too much. He liked it and they were happy to help him.

Cougar came out with lunch for them, making the baby squeal and lunge to hug him.  "Easy," he soothed.  "We will feed you."  He brought out a stool to sit on so he could feed the baby and they didn't have to move.

Clay joined them with his own stool.  The baby stared at him, mouth open, making begging sounds until Clay handed over a piece of bread.  The baby grimaced but gummed on it.  "You'll like mayo when you're older."  He finished up and watched the boys fall asleep while eating.  Cougar put the baby into bed.  Then he got their plates inside so the twins could rest.  Cougar had plans to make.  There needed to be some sort of acknowledgment about their joining, not just some paperwork.

***

The base commander at Fort Bragg, where the boys were usually stationed, stared at Clay.  "What the hell, Colonel?" he demanded, holding up some forms.  "You're gone for over a year and come back with a stack of paperwork that's bigger than most teams do in a decade?"

Clay coughed.  "Harris is the guy from the Council that got pregnant, sir."

"All right."

"The higher ups who helped make the baby made him Alvarez's baby."

"That explains why I have paperwork saying that he has a dependent, even though it looks  a bit odd," he said, putting that aside.  "I have other things that I didn't know we have forms for?"

Cordelia phased in.  "I *am* the Messenger for the Powers That Be," she said firmly.  "We who oversee the slayer lines say that if Xadrian Alvarez isn't in a loving, *tight* relationship, even if it's not the daddy's natural way of doing things in bed, the slayer line will die with him."  She stared at him.  "Also, it will protect the twins."  She smirked.  "So therefore, you can't overrule us, buddy."

"That's general," Clay noted.  "They heard that recently, sir, and had to make plans."

"That explains the forms I didn't think we had.  Who made them?"

"Jensen."

"Figures.  Are they official?"  Clay handed over the letter from the president.  The general gave him a horrified look.  "Why?"

"Because we've relinked the twins.  If one dies, the other dies.  Therefore Carlos gets a sweet little harem.  An on-duty wife and an off-duty wife."  She smirked.  "It's a reward for being the baby's daddy.  We almost named him Clay's but that would've had problems.  Someone might've sacrificed him."  She shrugged and faded out.

Clay nodded.  "Not even an ex-girlfriend," he said dryly.  "For some reason someone thinks I'll do something really important with the slayer line."

The general stared at him.  "I know your unit gives me headaches usually, but did you have to create one *this* big, Colonel?"

"Not my doing, sir.  You can't really argue with someone like Cordelia or her bosses.  Or at least we can't."

"I see."  He stared at him.  "This is very strange."

"I'm told we'll be on permanent loan to the Council soon anyway, so we might as well get used to the strange."

"Yes, that's probably putting it mildly," he said dryly.  "Where is Hendrick's team?"

"Last I heard, Africa working with some local military people and the slayer local to that region."

"Interesting.  All right, I suppose I can't override the president."

Clay shrugged a bit.  "Cougar's mother asked him, sir.  Not Harris, Jensen, none of the rest of us."

"Figures.  She probably wants her grandson closer."  Clay nodded.  "Fine.  Are you moving to a base up there?"

"No clue.  We haven't gotten official orders yet."

"I'll see where they are.  What about Pooch's house?"

"No clue," he admitted.  "Or Jensen's sister."

"Interesting.  All right, do what you can today.  I'll check on that paperwork and file all these.  Do the other higher ups know?"

"No clue, sir.  I'm supposing they got told."  He shrugged.  "Not my job."

"Point.  Thank you for the ulcer, Colonel," he said with a smirk.

"Imagine mine, sir," he said dryly.  He saluted and left, going to talk to the major gossips on base.  That way everyone was rabidly overprotective if they ran into Xander on the job.  Especially if he had the baby with him.  He walked into the mess and sat down with the other colonels and captains.  Roque was already in there being given dirty looks.  "What did you tell them?"

"We're being reassigned."

"To the Council," Clay said dryly.  "Some mystical force of the Higher Beings made Harris's son Cougar's."  A few guys choked.  "It was me or him, guys.  I'm glad it's him."  He smirked.  "Cougar's mother demanded the president put us with the Council for a bit."

"At least you'll get less stressful travel," one of the captains offered.

"Not likely," Clay said dryly.  "We've spent the last two months learning demon classifications and things to help if we have to train one.  Even Jensen begged for mercy."  They all groaned.

"The same higher ups wanted Cougar to be a daddy instead of a baby daddy," Roque told them with a smirk.   "They forced things."

"They've got an understanding going about women," Clay admitted.  "But yeah, they mystically did the paperwork and everything.  The base commander found that *charming*."  That got another groan and most of them having to drink something to keep down the gag reflex.

"Especially since they gave him both twins," Roque added, eating a bite of meatloaf.

"What twins?" one asked quietly, glancing around.

"Jensen and Harris are twins," Roque said dryly.  "We didn't know that; Jensen thought he was dead thanks to his shitbag father."

"Harris.  The guy from the Council who is kinda odd?" one of the guys asked.  Clay and Roque both nodded.  "Figures."

"Imagine our surprise when Harris shows up three months pregnant and the Secret fucking Service tells us it's our job to make sure he carries successfully," Clay agreed with a smirk.  "We've mostly been in Malaysia for the last year."

"A few times we got leave," Roque admitted.  "Then when we left, Harris went into a battle while Cougar watched the son.  Xadrian's a cute little sucker, scowls just like his father."

Jensen sat down and pulled out his phone to pull up the pictures.  "That's my nephew," he said happily.  "Xadrian Alvarez, the first male slayer.  Never, ever piss off chaos sorcerers."

They looked.  One laughed.  "He does scowl just like his father when you threaten to take his hat."

"The baby's the only one that gets to steal the hat," Jensen said dryly.  "Xander's already reading to him in Spanish and Latin."

"So he's going to be a genius slayer?" the top colonel asked as he sat down.

"Yup," Jensen said with a grin.  "He's a good boy most of the time but he really wants to get in the dirt and likes Xander's lawn service and milk goat.  Thinks she's the best pet ever."

"Do you guys not do anything that's normal?" one of the other people at another table asked.

"Hell no!  We're exceptional," Jake said with a grin for him.  "That's why I got an email earlier from the Joint Chiefs Chairman telling me to breed."  He pulled that up for Clay to read over.

"He did."  He glared at him.  "You'd better knock up someone else, Jensen.  I won't put up with you being knocked up and moodier than usual."  He handed the phone back, shaking his head quickly.

"How did that happen?" the top colonel asked quietly.

"Rosenburg," they said in unison.

"She's dead now," Jensen said dryly.  "She tried to poison my nephew and Xander shot her before their plan to sacrifice my nephew came into being."

"Damn," the table agreed.

"I didn't think Harris was that tough," one said quietly, glancing around.  "He seems goofy and nice whenever someone mentions him on tv.  Made a really bad joke when he got his medal."

"Yeah, he does that," Clay said dryly.  "Our last mission before the hiatus, Harris found out that some uppity drug dealer and an arms dealer who wanted to control the world powers from behind the curtain were conspiring.  The arms dealer pulled strings to get us sent to end the drug dealer.  Xander cleared him out, got the arms dealer too, and then cooed at the baby."  He smirked.  "The kid insists he's Batman."

Jensen nodded.  "I'd rather be the Green Lantern or something, it's cooler.  Maybe Captain America... though he doesn't have cool powers."  He stuffed his mouth.  "Eww, what is that?"  He looked.  "Is that supposed to be meatloaf?  It doesn't match up with Jolene's."

"I doubt it ever could," Pooch said as he seat down.  "I take it they told you we're being sent to no man's land in Cleveland?"  They all nodded, giving him pity looks.  "Jolene does not want to move there."

"Have her move to Vegas near Xander?" Jensen suggested.  "Or near Jess?"

"I might do that."  He dug in, shaking his head.  "I am one spoiled husband."

"Did you get a memo email too?" Jensen asked.

"Yup, and I let Jolene answer him back.  'Cause a smart man lets his non-enlisted wife yell at his bosses for telling him to have babies."  He stuffed his mouth again with a smug look.  "Cougar?" he asked once he had swallowed.

Jensen got into his email, nodding.  "Yup, they ordered him to have a few more.  Should I check your email for you, Clay?"

"Please," he said dryly.  "Since you're already in it anyway, Jensen."  He got a grin and the email being held up.  "Oh, charming, he wants me to have daughters."

Roque got into his own, shaking his head.  "Not mine."  Jensen found it in a folder and he groaned.  "They want me to raise some slayer support staff."

"They'd all need demo and knife training," Clay said dryly.  He ate a bite.  "This does suck next to Jolene's."

Cougar walked over and sat down at the end of the table, so he could see everyone.  Jensen held up the memo, getting a nod and an eye roll.  "If you want to, let me know and I'll clear out," Jensen said dryly.  Cougar shook his head.  He ate, grimacing but it was food.  No one joined the military for the food.

The base commander came over.  "Colonel, good news.  There's a house on campus for your team and the other one being assigned this time."  He stared at them.  That captain whimpered, shaking his head.  "Afraid so."

"On the way up, Captain, your tech boy is taking over their armory so stop in to see Gibbs at NCIS.  He got given most of Xander's," Clay told him.  "It makes more sense that you'll be given that side instead of the traveling to train.  Their armory master is a dimwit half the time.  Tried to give the wrong size bullet for a gun."

"I nearly ripped him a new one," Roque agreed.  "He used to be FBI."

"Their tracking and IT department is half slayer, half agent," Jensen told him.  "Most of them are decent enough and the one that isn't makes reports and does things efficiently around the office.  I helped with an upgrade recently."

"Fair warning, the girls pinch," Roque said dryly.  "They don't get to meet too many guys who know what to do with a strong woman."

"They're in awe of muscles," Clay added.  "When we were guarding Harris during his trip to introduce the son, they all kept challenging us to arm wrestling competitions.  They even threw a few so we could win."  He smiled.

"Dating's hard when you've got a duty like that I guess," the base commander said.  Jake showed him that memo.  "I heard," he said dryly.  "There's even been special provisions made for those who did it in a lab so they didn't have to go gay to follow it."  He smirked.

"Sir, the same higher ups that knocked up my twin wanted us both to be watched over by Cougar," Jensen said.  "It might get a bit hard if I'm knocked up."

"That way both his niece and nephew are protected," Clay said dryly at the horrified looks they were getting.  "Janus ordered because it was one of his that had knocked up Harris."

"He's still swearing up and down that he was trying to protect Xander," Jensen said dryly.  "I'm damn lucky it didn't hit us both through the twin bond.  I got *plenty* of feeling from kicks and puking and all that great stuff."  He stuffed his mouth again.

"Your niece would love a new cousin," Roque taunted with a smirk.

"Oh my God, don't get her started," Jensen complained.  "She's already written Cougar to tell him he had to give her more cousins.  She wanted six or seven from each of us and him to go help her get a sibling too."  Cougar burst out laughing, smirking at him.  "Jess's answer was 'I could use more nieces and nephews to spoil, but she's not getting any siblings'."  Jensen ate a bite.  "This is why you never piss off a chaos sorcerer, guys.  Rosenburg used chaos magic to make it so every guy could get knocked up, not just my twin.  Now it's resonating down so innocent kids are being warped and my poor twin brother is going to go nuts.  I mean, seriously, what will six or seven kids do to my wonderful physique and abs?  I'll look like Al Bundy by the time I'm done with her request."

"You'd better not or I'll have to find a new tech and comm guy," Clay told him.

"Tell her that!" he complained.

"I'll write her later."  Jensen found that email and handed it over.  Clay answered her and gave her some good reasons why he couldn't give her more cousins at the moment, including that the army said no.  And so did he.  He handed back the PDA.  "Have fun taking our team's spot, guys."  The other team leaders all whined.  That meant they were going to be the next by the strange things or really bad missions.  That whole team smirked at them.

"We'll look you guys up for apocalypse battles," Jensen quipped.

"He said the next one's in France," Cougar told him.  All the other commanders at the table sent up a quick prayer of thanks.

"But LA might have problems or New York," Jensen added with a grin.  "There's been a few visions about that."  Hopefully the higher ups liked their prayers to keep most of them overseas.   They finished up and walked off to pack up anything that had been left in their bunks.  "Are we driving or flying?" Jensen called.  "If we're flying, we need to ship stuff ahead."

"Driving," Pooch said.  "Be damned if I want to have to ship things to Cleveland and they'd hate to take the weapons."  He looked over.  "If we have to, we can rent an RV."  Jensen nodded.  "How many boxes are you going to have?"

"Three.  Two of gear, one not."  He went back to packing.  "Cougar, I've got some extra room if you need some."  Cougar handed him a few extra small things to be packed.  "We'll get you cold weather stuff," Jensen offered.  Cougar nodded and they finished.  Clay came in with orders.  "Pooch said we're driving."

"We are.  We're taking a troop transport."  He handed Pooch that order.  "Arrange things to sleep in the back.  You and their transpo expert can flip for driving duties while we nap."  They all nodded.  "Jensen, they wanted to know how much gear you'd need."

Jensen smirked.  "Don't tempt me."

Clay shrugged.  "They asked."  Jensen went to get some new toys to play with.  Most of the things they offered him were crap but he did have a sweet wish list.  And they could order him two for his playtime use.  They decided not to argue and got it for him from the warehouses in DC.  They gave him the form to pick it up there.  Jensen gave it to Pooch so they could plan that into their trip.

***

Giles walked out when he heard the heavy truck, frowning at them.  "Colonel," he said, smiling as he shook his hand.  "What's all this?"

Clay handed him the orders.  "You have new trainers and other people."

"I told the president we didn't need them," he said, looking them over.  "Oh, dear, this is in Military."

Jensen walked over to point at the right area.  "Cougar's mom said you needed us."  He grinned.  "The higher ups said that you could use a second team as well.  We'll be switching out with the one in Africa right now as needed."

"That's reasonable I suppose.  We should talk to Cougar and you later," he said with a smile.

"We got ordered by Cordelia."

"I heard.  She told us at the same time."  He patted him on the arm.  "Well, I suppose that's why I got asked to find some spare rooms with locking doors so the girls couldn't pounce."  He smiled.  "This way, gentlemen.  Let me give you the tour."  He paused when he saw a very pregnant looking slayer walk out.  "Mel, dear, shouldn't you be in bed?"

"No.  Xander didn't have to and his was worse than mine."  She smiled.  "Xander said you were his brother."

"I am, we're twins but he's older," Jensen said with a smile.  "We have a little sister too."  He looked at her stomach then at her.  "I know he was worried sick about you."

"My idiot husband," she sighed.

"We saw your pet too."  She smiled.  "Need help?"

"No, I just needed out of the building.  The girls are being gushy teenage girls."  She shuddered.  "I had more sense.  Can I give them the tour, Giles?"

"Of course, if you wish, Mel.  They're in the Green building.  On the fourth floor."  She nodded, taking Jensen's arm to walk him off.  The others followed.  Pooch found the parking lot closer and parked there so they could move their stuff.  Giles smiled because it was good to see her happier.

***

Clay met the man at the gate, staring at him.  They'd been there a month and were settling in well.  "Mel said that her husband was local to whine."  He glared at him.  "You will not upset her.  I do not want to see anyone in labor tonight."

"Who are you...."  Clay growled and he flinched, moving back.

One of the younger girls walked out, staring at them.  She looked at Clay and asked something in Arabic.  He nodded.  She sneered at him and insulted him then walked off after making sure she had ruined his happiness.

Clay smirked.  "Don't piss off the girls.  Women are vengeful.  They get you back."  He let him in.  "Pooch, walk her to Mel."

"Mel's talking to my wife about labor so she knows what it's like."  He looked over.  "They'll be done in a few minutes."  He looked the man over, then snorted.  "Her father should've picked better.  *My* wife never had to run from my temper and I'm Special Ops trained."  The man shuddered.

Mel walked out with the cellphone.  "Thank you, Pooch.  It was good to hear that it's not as bad as some of the young ones think and the tapes say."

"You hope," he said with a smile.  "Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.  We saw one that delivered within thirty minutes.  Jensen's sister went in forty hours."

"I like the thirty minute idea better."  She looked at her husband.  "His son is just under a year old."  She smiled.  "Jolene is very sweet to answer questions for me since I can't get hold of my mother this week.  Did you want some tea?"

"I want you home, where you belong.  They kidnaped you."

She stared at him.  "No, I left with them for a reason.  Because I needed medical attention."  She walked off.  "The baby wishes tea so we'll be in the kitchen for a moment if you wish to join us."  She smiled at Buffy when she ran into her.  "My husband is here."

She looked over her shoulder.  "I can tell.  He's scowling."  She looked at her.  "Want me to ask Xander to show up?"

"I would love to see Xadrian.  He is so sweet."  She grinned.  "The baby wishes orange tea."  She walked around her, heading for the kitchen.  As Xander walked past her, he handed her the baby, letting her coo.  "Come, Xadrian, we'll have tea and you can tell my daughter how nice being out is."

Xander looked at the husband, then grabbed him by the throat and pushed him against a wall to get into his face.  "A real man does not need to threaten women or those who're weaker than him.  I will make an exception to teach you things your father did not," he said in Arabic.  "If I *ever* hear of you threatening your wife again I will make sure you don't have long to regret it and what little time you have will be something Allah begs for mercy for you.  Am I clear?"

"She is my wife."

Xander smirked.  "Not if her father changes his mind."  He let him go, looking down at him.  "Do not upset her."  He walked around him, looking at the people at the gates.  He let them in, smiling.  "Good day."

"Are you Alexander Harris?" one of them asked.

"I am.  I had my slayer removed from your country because she was pregnant and needed medical attention thanks to her husband."

The guard nodded.  "How did you remove her?"

"Huffy?" he called.  The hellhound appeared, sitting beside him.  He smiled, petting him.  "My slayer is well liked by him.  She fed him candy and he has a sweet tooth.  He's always guarded her."  He petted the beast.  "She's in the kitchen with my son."  The hellhound trotted off.  He smiled at the guards.  "Our infirmary has records if you need to see them."

"I would," the head guard agreed.  "Her father wishes her back."

Xander called him with a frown.  "Good morning, Mel's father."  The man on the speaker sounded happy.  "I am here with Mel at the main compound.  She's very close.  Her husband is here.  So are some of the consulate guards?"  He let them have the phone to talk to him.

"She is my wife!" the husband shouted.  Xander threw a knife at him, making him whimper and duck, holding his dick.  "I will not let you take my wife!"

"I like your wife as a sister, not as a girlfriend.  I don't need a girlfriend."  He looked at the guards.

"He said he was not aware of a beast?"

"Huffy brought her," Xander called.

"Yes, Huffy.  He is very odd but very friendly.  He has protected my daughter since she was thirteen."

"I will divorce her," her husband shouted.  "That will make that child illegitimate."

Xander shrugged, looking at him.  "She's giving birth to a slayer.  She'll have a beautiful daughter within a few weeks."  He smirked.  The man glared at him, getting up to pounce him.  Xander kicked him around until he was crying then handed him over, taking his phone back.  The head nurse came out.  "Do you have Mel's records?"

"I do."  She handed over the copies.  "She allowed the consulate guards to have them so they could help her press charges."

Xander heard an unhappy squeal.  "I think the son's upset."  She ran inside, him following.  They found Mel in labor.  "Aww."  He picked her up, taking her to the infirmary.  "Buffy, her husband's being a dick outside.  Get the guards in here so they can note some things."  She nodded, jogging off to do that while one of the other slayers got Xadrian.  "Here we go, Mel."  The guards were let in.  "Please guard her."  They nodded, pulling screens around.  He patted her on the hand.  "Want me to leave?"  She nodded.  "Okay.  I saw Faith.  Faith!" he bellowed.  She came strolling in with some ice water.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  She sat beside her, letting her have the ice water.  "It'll be okay.  Women did this for centuries without pain killers.  You're lucky and you'll get some if you want 'em."

"Yes, please!  She kicks!"

The nurse gave her something as soon as she started the IV.  "That should ease it.  Let me check."  She draped the area and checked her.  "You're within a few hours."  She smiled, calling the doctor to update her.  They probably had two hours.  She gave the guards a chair and let them sit.  One called to update their boss but that was fine.  Her husband tried to come in but the hellhound growled and snapped at him.  He ran off, going back outside.  The nurse smiled at her.  "That's very nice of Huffy.  He's very over-protective."  She checked her again.  "You're going very fast."  She smiled.  "Within two hours probably."  She started a chart for the baby.

***

Xander walked his son into the infirmary, smiling at the sleeping mom.  "Look, Xadrian, that's a baby slayer, just like you," he said quietly, making his son coo and wave.  "That's very sweet of you.  You're going to be a good friend to her and the other young ones."  He kissed him on the back of the head.  The nurse smiled.  "He's still active."

"So is she.  The hellhound probably prompted it.  He's been very protective of the baby as well."

"We love Huffy for that."  He let the baby coo at the new one.  "Some day you two will be good friends and train together.  She might even make you shop like your aunties do me."  He looked at the consulate guard coming in.  "Is there just cause to remove her?"

"No."  He smiled at the child then at him.  "Thank you for telling us before you did it."

"The hellhound told me first."  He shrugged.  "This is my son Xadrian.  He's the first male slayer.  Now more can be called."

"I'll make sure they know that.  Her father pressed charges."  Xander grinned.  "Thank you, Mr. Harris."

"You know the girls are like my sister."  He shook his hand.  "Have a good trip."

"I will."  He walked off, taking their prisoner back.  Xander smiled at his son, taking him to look at the gardens.  Where the other daddy just happened to be waiting.  Cougar took the squealing monster from him.  "We said hi to Mel's baby."

"It's good to know your future teammates."  He cuddled the baby, getting cuddled back and a baby grin.  "He is being good."

"He's trying really hard because he kept trying to breastfeed off Buffy."  Cougar smirked at him.  "I have no idea why.  He tried it with Faith too I think."  He sat down on the grass, letting Cougar do the same.  "So you're here.  There's a portal to the compound.  That way you can just pop around."

"We still must talk."

"I know.  We'll work that out by the time he's three."   Cougar shook his head.  "That'll give you a lot of time to think about things."  Cougar kissed him and shifted the baby, who waved at the mommy.  "Hi, Xadrian.  Are you comfy?"  He yawned, snuggling into the daddy's lap.  "Such a good, smart boy."  He frowned, looking around.  "What the hell is that magic spike?" he muttered.  Jake came jogging out looking around too.  Jake grabbed his hand, putting up a shield around them.  The magic feeling washed over them but didn't touch them. "Giles!" Xander bellowed.  Giles came out to look at things.  "What was it?"

"That's an interesting shield."  He tested things.  "It's from the Powers I believe.  It feels like one of theirs."

"If I end up pregnant again, it'd better be because I participated," he said dryly.

"I'd hope so," Giles agreed.  He tested it again.  "Lower the shield, it's safe."  They did that.  "Thank you."  He nodded.  "I believe we'll have a few others who will be finding a reason to retire."  He went to check on the girls.  "Stay, Xander.  Guard the baby."  He relaxed again.  He went to check the girls, finding a few glowing.  "Thankfully it wasn't Ethan this time," he muttered.  The nurse got told who was glowing and she could test them in the morning.   That meant six girls needed maternity leave.  So the military boys would get some work after all.

***

Epilogue:

***

Xander walked out of the bedroom glaring at Cougar.  Jensen followed him glaring too.  Cougar stared at them.  Jensen punched him on the arm. "Fucking bond," Xander muttered, sitting down with a pout.  Xadrian looked over from his coloring, coming over to hug him.  "Hi, baby."

"Mommy sick?"

"Me and Uncle Jake thanks to them liking us being linked."  He hugged him.  "But you'll get a cousin."

"Is the link making you sick or is it real?" Cougar asked quietly. Xander glared at him.  "We'll figure it out."  He sat down, cuddling his son.  "We will call someone later?"

Jensen snorted.  "I think I should call Clay first.  He's going to throw a fucking fit."

"No swearing!" Xadrian said loudly.

"Sorry, nephew."  He sat down and called Clay's phone.  "Roque, I don't want to know why you're answering his phone," he said dryly.   "Xander and I need to see the compound's doc.  Today."  He listened.  "One of us is.  Remember that situation in Nicaragua?" he asked dryly.  They had been drugged and forced together by a demon.  "Yup," he said mock-cheerfully.  "So yeah, we need them today."  The slayers Xander were working on came in to give them strange looks.  "We're going back to the main compound soon, ladies."

"Cool!" they said.  "Shopping!"  They ran to shower and change clothes.

Jensen moaned.  "What if one of us is carrying twins?"

"What if we're *both* carrying twins?" Xander countered.  Cougar gave him a horrified look and squeezed the baby.

"I'll protect you from the cousins, Daddy."

Jensen hung up.  "Roque heard and he's giggling madly.  He'll tell Clay."  He relaxed and they waited until the girls were done.  Then they went back.  The nurse was waiting on them.  "Stupid ass demon," he told her.  "'Fuck your husband to consummate the marriage or die'," he mimicked.  "Everyone is very disappointed that it hasn't been."

"I think they conspired with mi madre," Cougar said.  He was hoping the baby would save him.  Xander hit him on the arm anyway.  "Ow."  He scowled.  So did his son.

"We need to get him a hat," Clay said as he walked toward them.  "The damn demon in Nicaragua?"  They nodded.  "We sure?"

"You've had him in another country since then," Xander said dryly.  "I'm a fantastic lover and built kinda huge but I can't really do anything from halfway across the world.  I don't stretch *that* far."

The nurse walked them off.  "Let's make sure, boys."  They pouted, but nodded.

Cougar looked at Clay.  "Do I get protection?"

"I think it's a bit late for that," he quipped back.

"Not that sort."

"Yeah, they start having mood swings and we'll protect you.  The same as we do Pooch from Jolene's."  He took the baby.  "You look so much like your father sometimes."  He walked him off.  "C'mon, we'll go wait and duck the thrown things."  He let Xadrian wiggle his way down to go play with Safra in the play area.  He was safe here.  Cougar... might have to go into witness protection to get away from the hormones.

"God fucking damn it!" Jensen shouted.

"Ditto!" Xander complained.  "At least we'll get backrubs?"

"All we need to do is ask," Jensen complained.  "Are you certain it's both of us?"  The nurse nodded.  "Not mystically being shared?"

"No, sorry," she said.  "Let us do the ultrasound, boys."  They took off their shirts.  They might not look alike but they acted like identical twins all too often.  The doctor came in from her snack to do the ultrasounds.

"Cougar, I'd fucking run!" Jensen shouted.  "Right the hell now!"  Xander whimpered so Jensen hugged him.  "It'll be okay.  I promise it'll be okay.  We'll neuter him and all that but it'll be okay.  Think about how happy Bethie is going to be."  Xander gave him the strangest look.  "She will be."

"I won't!"

"I know.  Me either."  They heard the high pitched scream outside and moved to find the kids and protect them.

"Damn it, I don't care if Xander is pregnant, you don't start screaming about it in the middle of the quad!" Faith shouted.  "We don't get up this fucking early!"  The demon squeaked and disappeared.

"We'll make sure you're both safe," Clay said dryly.  He called someone.  "Nicaragua wasn't safe enough," he said in greeting.  "Both.  Already nearly attacked."  He got orders.  "That's what I was assuming.  We'll be at the compound.  C'mon, squirt."

Xadrian patted their stomachs with a grin.  "I'll be the bestest big brother slayer ever!  They'll never be able to date without Daddy saying so and they'll be cute little princesses like Bethie is."  He beamed.  "Thank you, Mommy and Unclie Jake."  He hugged them both then ran off giggling to get the other uncles to tell them.  They'd be all back together again and he'd become the best big brother ever!

Even if Mommy did groan about it.

The End!