THE INCIDENCES OF THE BLIPPY DOHICKEY

ARC 1

Voracity

Xander gets a blippy dohickey that changes his life and a lot of other people's too.  You never know where or how a Xander will show up in the universes, but he's there somewhere.

What started as a very long story ended up being a multi-arc series of shorter stories which kept going even after the first was done with.  It may be an immortal universe, one never knows with the Doctor around.

Crossover with Stargate/Atlantis, Dr. Who/Torchwood.

Table of Contents

Arc 1

1: The Beginning Of It All

2: New DIgs

3: Atlantis And Beyond

4: Atlantis, We Have A Problem

5: Home Again

6: Reminiscing

7: Asses And Assholes

8: Showing What You Have To The World

9: Hosting

10: Ancient Blunders

11: Making The Bad Guys Bend Over And Take It

12: Back At The Starting Point Again

13: Space Sagas

14: A Debating Family

15: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

16: Sometimes You Can Tell, And Show

17: You Can't Return It

18: Battles At Dawn

19: Revealing Lines

20: Not the Usual Apocalypse

21: Traveler's Dilemma

22: Renewal And Revenge

23: Dick Teases

24: Not So Teasing Dicks

25: The Dawning Of Owen

26: Water Cities

Arc 1

Note:  I did not see the episode _The 11th Doctor_.  Sorry.  While the events are included as much as I could go back and add in, it's not how it happened there.  Also, most sex scenes in this story were left up to the reader's imagination so whatever pairings you like could happen however you wanted. <G>.  Happy Reading.

1: The Beginning Of It All

In Wales, a young man accepts the small package and few pieces of junk mail from the post man with a smile and a head nod.  He looks at the mail before tossing it, but the package was addressed to him.  He knew he hadn't ordered anything, and he certainly wouldn't have had it sent to him at work.  He carefully checked it over before opening the wrapping paper.  Inside was a note on top of a smallish box.  He opened the note.

Dear Mr. Jones.

I do believe this blippy dohickey belongs to one of your coworkers.  Please assure him that the being who took it from him cannot and will not be able to steal it from him again.  Also, tell him to quit staring at the rollerblading sluts and he wouldn't get jumped the next time.

Ianto gave the letter a strange look.  That was definitely not what he was expecting.

He kept reading.

You can also tell the ass that I had the broken wrist strap fixed.  I also had that limitation fixed so now it works for up to three people - the certain being who had blocked it realized that blocking it again would leave me somewhere he didn't want to deal with.  By the way, you might let him know that it takes an impression from the wearer whenever it's used.  Like our modern police cars have cameras running during traffic stops, and probably for the same reason.  I've cleared his from there.  I've cleared mine from there so he doesn't get psychic bleedover the way I did when the demon gave it to me after we trapped it trying to kill others with some supposed death ray it contains (which it doesn't, but it's very handy when you don't goof up and accidentally hit the wrong button).

You should also tell the ass to treat you better.  You're not his secretary to tempt into chasing him around his desk, Mr. Jones, unless you want to be.  You're worth more than your cuteness in your suits or your coffee making God-like fingers.  If he doesn't appreciate you, I know a few dozen people who would.  You can also remind him that being alone to save pain is dumb.  Life is pain.  Otherwise we wouldn't have proof we're alive.  Even by denying yourself that expression of life, you die a bit more each day.  Oh, before I forget, tell him even in the wrong time zone he is aging, just very slowly.  Probably around the rate of a day every two or three years.

On a more personal note, tell him his friend the Doctor said hi and said to tell him he was a major fuckup for getting mugged.  Donna said the same, but that he was adorable.  I told her he couldn't be as cute as I am and she agreed. <G>  Also, if that snarky doctor friend of yours wants to come to the US, does he like boys?  If so, does he like oral sex?  Because he's my type to put it bluntly and fairly handsome.  A bit smart.  Hellishly better than all the women in my life right now as well.  Just an offer if he'd like to take me up on it.  I'll be moving soon but it shouldn't be that hard to find me.

Do be well and smack him upside the head.  At his age, he should be able to ignore the braless, bouncy rollerblade sluts in booty shorts.  Really, don't they have stripclubs in his time zone?

Much affection and please don't panic.  I'm not going to out your program.  I've worked on a similar problem in the past that's not really related.  Do have a good day.  Xander.

Ianto folded the letter and reached for the door lock button but someone came in.  "Do you know the train and bus schedules, young man?" she asked, sounding faintly Norwegian.

"Yes, ma'am."  They did front the main office by pretending to be a tourist help office.  He dug out the schedules and handed them over with a smile.  "This one goes by most of the big commercial hotels and restaurants."  She beamed at him.  "There's the one up to the castle as well."

"Thank you, young man.  Cardiff is full of such polite, cute young men."  She walked out with, waving them at her waiting friends.

He waited until he was sure she was gone to push the button and head down to the main office.  "Team meeting," he called as he walked in.  "It's highly important."

"You're nearly panicking," Jack teased with a smile.  "Are we under attack?"

"No, but I was told to slap you around because you got mugged."  Jack glared at him.  Ianto walked into the meeting room, smiling at the others.  "Owen, this nice young man wanted to hit on you if you'd go to the US."  He tossed Jack the box once he was sitting down.  "Missing something perhaps?"

"I got knocked out," he complained, pulling out his time jumping wristband.  "How did you get it?"

"The man who got it off the being that knocked you down said it won't be able to do it again and a man of your age should be able to ignore the braless, booty shorts wearing rollerblade sluts as he called them," he said in his normally genteel voice.

"How did he know what knocked me out?"

"He said it takes an imprint, like with a cruiser's video camera."  He handed over the note.

"We need to retcon him," Owen said.

"It says he's not going to out us, that he's doing something similar," Jack told him.  He reread the letter.  "I treat you very well," he complained.

"Apparently he has higher standards," he said dryly.  "When did it go missing?"

"Earlier today."  He groaned, shaking his head.  "He probably set it off by accident."

"Apparently."  He stared at his boss.  "Do we send Owen to take one for the team since he seemed to want to get to know him better?"

"Retcon might not work if he was gone for a while," Jack admitted, looking at Owen.  "He did proposition you."  He put the letter in his shirt pocket.  "How did it get here?"

"Post."  He handed over the wrapping.  "Sent from the states."

"So that probably took a good week," Toshiko said.

Gwen nodded.  "Probably closer to two.  I had a penpal in New York when I was in primary school.  It took nine days for her to get anything from me."

"We need to find out what he did, and what he's using it for," Jack said.  "This is too dangerous to get out.  And if we see Donna, tell her she's wrong, he can't be cuter than I am."

"What do we know about him?" Toshiko asked.

"He signed his first name, Xander," Ianto said.  "Otherwise I have no idea."

"Could he be with UNIT?" Owen asked.

"If he's doing something similar and he's in the States, wouldn't he have to be with them?" Gwen asked.

"No, there's been a few rogue, semi-legal groups through the years."  He grimaced.  "We know he, now or before, had some electronics knowledge.  He said he fixed what the Doctor did to jam it.  If I could get hold of him or Donna, I'd ask," he complained.

"I'll see if Martha Jones knows him," Ianto said.  He went back upstairs to call her.  Jack was not in a good mood thanks to being mugged and the butt nibbling in that letter.

"Owen, if we find him, and he can be retcon'd, I'll let you administer it since he wanted to flirt with you," Jack said.

"That's fine.  I can flirt and dope him then walk off even if he is a bagger."  He went back to his desk.  Gwen and Toshiko worked to find the boy at their own desks.  Jack went upstairs to see if Martha had given over any information.  "Well?"

"She said hello and giggled madly."

"That's probably a bad sign," he sighed.  "How old was he?"

"Twenty-one.  He's from Southern California, and how did a demon manage to knock you out?"

Jack stiffened.  "Demons?"  He nodded.  "Oh, shit!"  He hurried back to the Hub.  He had access to some sealed files thanks to bribing someone in UNIT.  He typed in the passcode and did a name search then sent the enclosed picture to Miss Jones.  She nearly purred back.  Her email sounded very smug and did note that he was immune to retcon.  "Fuck!"

"Now?" Toshiko teased with a smile.  "In here with all the cameras?"

"I think he found him because that wasn't a happy sounding suggestion," Owen said dryly.  "Who is the mystery man?"

"An ass."  He let them read the file.  Plus the newly added note at the bottom that apparently the Initiative's profiler was a moron who had gotten half of his file inaccurate.  They all groaned.  "Martha said he's immune to Retcon.  Sorry, Owen."

"He's not a bagger," he said dryly.  "What're we doing about him?"

"I don't know."  The email beeped with a new message.  It was from Martha.

The Doctor got up to answer his cellphone.  He was not happy to be woken up this time.  He said to, bluntly, leave the boy the bloody hell alone.  Before his next bit of bad luck destroyed the universe.  Or saved it.  He wasn't sure which it might be.  Remembering Xander, it's not that far fetched.  He said he'd see you sometime in the future, Jack, and to please not meet with Xander.

He managed to keep you two apart when you guys were traveling because the one time it almost happened, the boy had told the Doctor what was going on and he decided he didn't need the paradox.  Even now.  We're going to be sending someone to recruit him into a program that we don't work with, and absolutely hate, but could use him desperately since apparently he's had a gift for languages and sucking up spectral resonances.  Damn kid walked into a cemetery once and we nearly spent a week getting all them out of him.  He kept wanting one of the former children's dolls.  Even the Doctor wanted to give him a hug for it.

Anyway, I called him and he was most happy you got it today before you *needed* it for something.  He said the spectral imager was in the band, not the main body.  He also said it was fairly easy to unblock.  Only needed a jumper wire.  The Doctor will have to work harder next time to block it on you apparently.  You might tell someone that if they need the Sword of Gadrius again, he's got it in his room.  His newly former girlfriend wailed and moaned while we were talking.  She's a former vengeance demon.  Hates you because no one wants to curse you for being a bastard and dumping them.

He sends his love, asks that if you're going to send someone to retcon or recon him, to please make it Owen because he fancies him, and to treat Ianto better.  A man like that should be worshiped for more than his coffee-making skills or how he looks in a suit.  That if you didn't watch out, he might steal them both from you if they wanted.  He also said to tell you Spike is not Captain Hart, just the bastard offspring from when he loitered too long.

Anyway, have a better day, Jack.

Martha Jones.

"Vengeance demons?" Gwen asked.  "They're real?"

"Fairly rare," Jack said grimly.  "More open about two centuries ago."  He groaned.  That was not good!  "Toshiko, see if you can find the spectral imager, let's see if it has a backup in it."  She took the wristband to carefully examine and scan.  He looked at Owen.  "I still might send you."  He walked off pouting.  Mentally he was swearing.  This was horrible!  If the kid got possessed by his spectral image, then there was no telling what the kid knew.  Or how this would change the timeline.  Though, the Doctor having taken a personal interest in him was probably the best sign that the kid wasn't going to screw up too many things.  He hoped.  Especially not with his memories!  Though he wondered how deep they went when they scanned him.  He looked up from his sulking when Ianto walked in.  "New information?"

"Martha sent you a private message.  Toshiko told me to tell you that."  Jack opened it and put in the password, read it, and burst out laughing.  "Good news?"

"Slightly better."  He closed it and looked at him.  "Can we find anything else out on him?"

"His town is horrible.  It's got a very high death rate.  The police department there suspect him of many things but can't seem to find any proof.  Though I'm not sure if that's because they don't seem to ever solve anything."

"Really?"  Ianto pulled up the information he had found.  "I know that town.  No, that's not what's going on.  Hold on, Xander?"  He typed in something and groaned.  "Little fucker," he muttered under his breath.

"You do know him?"

"Heard of him and his team.  He's backup on the team actually."  He leaned back.  "I'll let Martha recruit him."  He sent her a message about it.  She sent back a smirk.  "Good!  Though I still want to know what he did.  Toshiko, anything?" he called.

"Yes.  Quite a lot.  It's eighty percent done downloading."  He went down to confiscate that file so she wouldn't see any of his more personal memories if they were in there.  This was going to be amusing if his reputation had been right.  Probably a bit tragic but Ianto wanted to see so he wouldn't mind him at least leaning closely.

"He's right you know," he said quietly.  "Pain is how you tell you're alive, just like every other emotion."  He started the replay, tipping his head to the side.  "He doesn't look that old."

"He's not."  They watched.  Jack didn't want to admit it but the kid was like a mini him sometimes.  "Languages, huh?"

"From what it caught he already knew a number of ancient ones.  Why?"

"Research."  He pulled up another file.  "A secret society in England.  He works with one of their people."

Ianto read it over.  "I've run into these cranks before.  They tried to recruit me."

"They're not cranks, just assholes," Jack said bluntly.  "He worked with one of the girls."

"Oh, dear."

"Oh, yeah.  There's a *perfect* program for him to be part of too.  They could use those skills and his military skills too."  He smiled.  "I'm sure he'll have a lot of fun."

"Probably not."

"He'll have a whole base to irritate."

"Then perhaps if he's anything like Owen."  He walked off shaking his head.

Jack sat back to rewatch it.  The kid had *horrible* luck but it was funny in too many points.  Plus he never knew Donna had a birthmark.

***

Xander looked up at the man who came up to him that night on patrol.  "What?  And you do know it's not real wise to be sneaking up on people at night?  They think you're trying to mug them."

"You know who I am?"

"I got warned someone was going to be coming to recruit me heavily."

"Here I am," he said smugly.  "Doctor Daniel Jackson."

"Xander Harris, but you knew that."  He shook his hand.  "First, gotta say, military things are going to be bad for me.  I'm very bi, very open, and I don't hide it for anyone.  I also don't really respect the military after their little farce of a group that had been here."

"That wasn't us.  We're doing the same sort of important work you are."

"Yeah," he said dryly, throwing a stake and hitting the running vampire Buffy was chasing.

"How did you do that!" she demanded.

"Possession."  She growled and stomped off when he pointed at their 'guest'.  He looked at him again.  "I'm not going to hide who and what I am for anyone.  I won't tell anyone anything.  Mostly because I don't want to hear them complain and bitch."

"You're twenty-one.  How did you learn so many languages?"

"Research."

"Beyond that?  I'm told there's a story?"

"I managed to rescue a blippy dohicky from someone who had mugged a time traveler."

"Oh, no," he moaned, taking off his glasses to stare at him.  "Please tell me you didn't create a paradox?"

"Hell no!  I know better than that.  I'm a sci-fi fan," he said dryly.  He glanced around then at him.  "I did do a lot of talking to some very smart people trying to figure out how I had accidentally set it off.  And how to get back here to be nagged by my friends."

Daniel nodded.  "How many languages did you speak before then?"

"One.  Giles said less than that since I'm from here and speak my age.  Reading, I read about five thanks to our research."

"Why?  I've read the files but it didn't mention that."

"Yeah, they were kinda idiots about some things.  Do you know what the Watchers Council is?"

"Vaguely and what I heard disgusts me."

"One's here."

"Oh, damn," he muttered.  "Okay."  He looked at the boy, who looked very amused.  "Anything else I should know?"

"Yeah, the demon behind you seems to think you smell good.  She's in heat though."

Daniel looked at her.  "I will zat you," he told her.  She pouted and sniffed at Xander before walking off to pounce Willow since she smelled nice.  He looked at the boy.  "Is it always like that?"

"Sometimes.  Sometimes it's an apocalypse."  He smiled at his friends returning.  "I cleared it already."

"How?" Giles asked.  "And who is this?"

"This is Doctor Jackson.  He wants me to go build things for his project.  Apparently my skills came highly recommended."

"How did you clear the problem?"

"Not that hard since I was kinda talking to one of your brethren at the time."

"Were they here?" Buffy demanded.

"No.  Remember that blue thing that gave me the wristband and told me it was a horrible thing?"

"Yes.  Did you nearly destroy us all with it?" she demanded.

"No.  Not in the least.  It was a blippy dohickey."  She groaned.  "I got someone to help me clear it."  He smiled.  "But now I do know more things about some subjects.  Including architecture."

"Whatever," she sighed.  "Are you going to be more freaky again?"

Xander stared at her.  "Why would it matter to you?" he shot back.  "Not like you pay attention to things or you'd realize that you were flashing nipple."  She looked and blushed, fixing it.  He looked at Giles, who was staring at him.  "What?"

"That was uncalled for."

"Really?  How many languages did I read by graduation, Giles?"

"English I would assume."

"Has it escaped your attention that we researched in the same books you did and they're mostly in Latin, Greek, and some are in Sumerian?  Including the one from last week that I was quoting out of?  The same as I did the last time that thing showed up?"  Giles looked horrified.  "Yeah, had to find a translation dictionary," he said dryly.  "Thank God for Amazon."

"What does the rainforest have to do with it?" Giles demanded.

Daniel coughed.  "It's a very large online mega-store that started out as a bookstore.  It has one of the largest catalogs in the world."

"Oh.  I don't use those dratted machines."

"I fully understand.  I prefer handwriting out my translations.  Xander, can we speak in private or should you not deal with the thing behind you?"

Xander looked then at him and shrugged.  "He's staring at Buffy's breasts again.  Right, Spike?"

"Yeah.  Nicely see-through there, Smuffy."  She stomped off in a huff.  He looked at Daniel.  "Wanker."

Xander looked at him.  "Non-Initiative, military, linguist wanker, Spike, get it right."

"Eggheads," he complained, shuddering as he walked off.  He could blackmail Willow with the way the demon was trying to hump her.

Xander looked at Daniel.  "Looks like we're pretty alone since Giles is in 'oh dear god' land again.  There's no way in hell the military would take me, Doctor Jackson.  I'm no longer willing to bend my personality.  If I feel like flirting, I do.  Men or women."  Giles squeaked and went pale.  Xander stared at him.  "What?  I'm not allowed to be bi since Willow's gay?" he sneered.  Giles huffed off too.  "Good!"  He looked at Daniel again.  "Even if I could help, and I have heard underground rumors about you before I got hold of the blippy dohickey, they'd never accept me."

"We're a pretty open program on that circumstance," he offered.  "We know we have a few openly gay officers who're in committed things."

"I'm no longer dating my former fiancee," he said dryly.  "That means I will probably be flirting with the fine man and woman flesh you guys have.  I doubt you guys are that open."

"You can't hold it in during work hours?"

"I believe in work *hours* unless there's a necessity.  One of the major rules is that we take time to enjoy ourselves before we burn out."

"I can understand that," he agreed.  "Though it does seem that you've burned some bridges tonight."

"No, I just got fed up with being treated like a zeppo."  Willow stomped over.  "Good, go give Giles a sensitivity lecture."

"Why?' she demanded.

"Because he decided to be horrified that I'm bi."

She snorted.  "No you're not!"

"Yeah, I am."  He smiled and pulled up his t-shirt to show off a small tattoo.  "My last one."  She gaped then shook her head.  He smirked and nodded.  He let his t-shirt fall.  "Yeah, I am, and I'm tired of hiding things.  If you want to be horrified, I don't care."  She burst out crying.  "Oh, no!  Not going to work.  Spike!"  He came over.  "Give her to Tara.  Let her sob on her girlfriend."

"A bit callus," he taunted with an evil smirk.

"Yeah, because I'm tired of being treated like we treat you."  Spike growled.  Xander stared him down.  "Haven't they?"

"True," he admitted.  "At least you treat me like I could break bad."

"I know you can. You're manipulative enough to get a minion to do it for you," he said dryly.  "She's in shock because I've had boyfriends."

"Could tell that.  You reappeared smelling like sperm," he said grimly.

"Greek bathhouse," Xander said dryly.  Spike shuddered, walking the witch off.

"Old Greece or later Greece?" Daniel asked.

"Later.  Athens for the fifth time, but spread out over a few decades."

"Learn anything else?" he asked with a smile.

"Some.  Had a lot of very interesting talks.  I even finally learned math.  It only took three thousand years," he said dryly.

"Come with me.  Meet the general at least.  Jack's my former team leader.  You'll be able to tell him everything and he'll be able to see if you can fit into the program, even if you do flirt in the office."

Xander looked around.  Then he shrugged.  "Fine.  If I don't, are you going to have Miller over there trying to hide pounce me and put me in cuffs?"

"He's not our doing.  UNIT sent him."

"UNIT's a bunch of fuckheads," he said quietly.

"What blippy dohickey did you get hold of?  A tardis?"

Xander smiled.  "I met him.  Really interesting guy who moped sometimes.  Though I can understand it.  It sucks to be him."  They walked off.  "Miller, if I had wanted to make people panic, I would've kept it," he called.

"Don't even threaten, Harris," Miller complained, coming out of his hiding spot.

Xander smirked at him.  "If I hadn't been such a geek, we'd be living in the United Empire of Xander.  Being the concubine of Caesar can be that way."  Graham Miller lost all color in his face.  "Good thing I'm a sci-fi geek, huh?"  He nodded quickly.  "Like I said, if I had wanted to do something, I would have.  Since you guys had *no* realistic idea who I am or what I'm like, even with your idiot profiler, well.... oh well.  I didn't have to give it back to him."

"He called our doctor and nearly gave her a heart attack."

"I heard Martha was there.  She's a nice lady with a bit of steel when you piss her off.  The Doc said Rose was the same way.  Donna was fun though."  Graham whimpered.  "Now, go be a good soldier *somewhere* *else*.  Threaten me, watch me do something stupid that'll make you guys wish you were dead."

"You don't have magic," he complained.

"I always have, Graham.  Willow blocked it for me.  It was very nice of her, don't you think?"  He smiled sweetly.  Graham took a step back.  "I spent *years* studying it.  I even finally learned the purpose of a simile."  Graham turned and ran.  "Tell Riley I said to stay there," he called after him.  "I haven't had twinkies in a while."

Daniel coughed.  "You don't like him?"

"I hated his former project and he's got a way to earn his way back to the level of human."  They walked off again.  Buffy had changed shirts because they ran into her.  "I just made Graham Miller flee," he told her as they walked past her.  "He's scared that I haven't had any sugary goodness in days."

"Who else did you scare?" she asked snidely.

"Willow and Giles because apparently me being bi is more wrong than our lesbian friends," he said, making her growl.  "Don't believe me?  She burst out crying.  He walked off stunned stupid."

"I don't care what you sleep with."

"Good.  Then you can have Anya since she decided she didn't like me being smart now.  She decided me actually learning the math I should've learned in school was bad."

Buffy snorted.  "How long did it take you?"

"Years.  The same as the magic stuff did."  He stared at her.  "The nice mage I ran into took all sorts of Willow spells off me where she blocked it."  She groaned.  "Giles was horrified I actually did research when we were researching.  So I'm tired.  How about you?"

"I need popcorn," she decided.  "Any other good news?"

"Yeah, the demon in heat tried for Willow's butt crack."

She let out a small smile.  "That had to be cute."  She walked off.  "How many more tonight?"

"Six.  Restview."

"Thanks for remembering.  You going to talk to him?"

"Yeah.  They sent Graham to arrest me if I didn't.  UNIT is really pissy."

She snorted.  "The Council calls them pussies."  She shrugged and walked off.  "Have some sugar to improve your mood, Xander."

"Sure, you go extricate Anya from my apartment?"

"I can do that."  She went to do that instead of patrolling.  It'd be more fun anyway.  Plus she'd learn a lot more of what was wrong with Xander from her.

Xander smirked at him.  "Yeah, we're like that as a group."

"I've met others."  He led him to the local IHOP, sitting him down next to Jack.  "Jack, this is Mr. Harris.  Xander, this is General Jack O'Neill."

"I've heard of you," he said, holding out a hand.  "I'm still flamingly bi, hit on people, and have a smartass gene that I'm not willing to give up."

Jack shook his hand.  "I don't care as long as we don't catch you."

"Gay bashing?" he asked bluntly.  "Uncomfy coworkers?  I seem to have inherited the spectral image's libido and he's hornier than I was at sixteen."

Jack coughed but nodded.  "Make it more subtle than in the hallway.  Make sure you pick your targets; people who might be receptive or who absolutely need it to be loosened up.  What do you know about Ancient?"

"Which version?"

Jack stared at him.  "There's more than one version?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah, the Greek pantheon used a slightly different version.  Local words and things."

"That may be those words we weren't sure of," Daniel said to Jack.

"Could be," Jack agreed.   "What have you heard about us?"

"More than enough to respect the unit but I still don't trust the military after the Initiative crap."

"I don't blame you," Jack admitted.  "Especially not with what their notes had on you."

"Yeah, all wrong even then."

"I figured it wasn't very good since they never talked to your girlfriend."  He leaned his elbows on the table.  "I can offer you a job that'll drive you insane."

"They might need me for apocalypses."

"They might," Jack agreed.  "But I can exchange you for two or three grunts who had to retire due to lesser injuries and burn out."

"They'll have the same thing here."

"Maybe but it'd give her occasional backup and for the really bad things."

Xander considered it.  "You'd have to talk to her about that.  We're wary of new people."

"I would be too," Daniel agreed.  "How many languages do you read now?"

"Something like thirty-five.  I think."  He shrugged.  "Full immersion was a bitch when you don't know how to ask where the porta-potty is."

"I can definitely relate," Daniel admitted with a small smile.  "Think you can get free of your job?"

"Relatively easily.  The boss's wife works here.  Hey, Gladys?"  She looked up then came over to refill their coffee cups.  "These nice guys want me to come work on their out-sourced construction crew for base housing."

"Wow.  That's a great job, Xander.  Does it pay better?"

He looked at Jack.  "Relatively.  It's based on military pay grades, ma'am.  At the least he'd make E-5 pay."

"Would Anya like that?" she asked him.

He shrugged.  "She decided to fuss that I've been learning something."

"Shoot, Xander.  I knew she was freaky."

"Yup.  She even threw out my hohos."

She gave him a hug around the head.  "I know you like your chocolate, sugar.  You guys eating or just sipping?"

"Probably just sipping," Xander admitted with a smile.  "Payday's tomorrow."

She laughed.  "Want me to tell my boy?"

Xander looked at Daniel, who smiled.  "Give him a head's up I'll probably be taking it."

She nodded.  "I can do that."  She dropped a kiss on his hair and strolled off.  "Let me know if you boys want food."

"Yes, ma'am," Xander agreed.  He looked at them.  "UNIT's coming if I don't?" he guessed, speaking quietly.

"Most likely you'd be helping Martha," Daniel sighed, staring at him.

"I liked Martha, she's sweet, but she won't let me flirt.  It sucks.  Anya's loud and blunt.  Apparently bluntness is contagious," Xander quipped.

Jack smiled.  "You'll fit in well.  Half the people on our base are sarcastic and smartasses."  Xander beamed at him for that.  "What?"

"His type," Daniel told him.  Xander nodded.  "So?"

"Pay me better than an E-5 so I can afford the sudden desire for new books?"

"You'll have on-base housing," Daniel offered.  "That saves you a lot of money."

"If I could have six weeks I'd have money but I'd need a lot of bookcases," Xander said dryly.

"Danny's office is *filled* with books leaning in piles that should fall on top of him," Jack said with a smile.

"Why would you need six weeks?" Daniel asked, ignoring the slight to his office.

"I have a few souvenirs stashed around some places.  Getting it moved back will take that long."

"Please don't suddenly 'find' pristine artifacts," Daniel moaned.

"I'd never sell them.  Maybe the coin collection but nothing like my books.  Or the lounging couch I picked up in Athens.  Or the togas from Rome.  Or the oil from Rome," he admitted.  "I need to get some of that remade."  Daniel stared at him.  He smiled.  "I decided I'd rather remember, Doctor Jackson."

"Warehouses full?" he guessed.

"Small storage areas.  The magic time was one of the first places I blipped into by accident and he nearly freaked out from my native energy signature."  He flicked a hand in the air.  "All this."

"I know there's a good bit of energy built up around here," Jack said.  "Weapons?"

"Some.  I like weapons.  Swords pretty.  Though I am more fond of battle axes."

"Hear anything about ours, kid?" Jack asked.

"Yes, and confiscated one from something using it on a someone.  It's local."

"Wonderful."  He smiled.  "Bring it with you."

"I can do that.  I need Spike to get me a passport."

"You need a legal one," Daniel corrected.

Xander stared at him.  "I'm only paid up until the end of next month.  It'll take too long and I only need mine updated to the new standard."

Daniel stared at him.  "They'll catch that."

"No they won't.  That's what minor fascinations are for.  That's how three assassins get through customs without being caught all the time."

"I want names," Jack ordered.  Xander took his pen and wrote them on a napkin.  "Thank you.  Any way to tell?"

"Yeah, use a magic dampening system since they all go through Seattle.  Willow can help with that."  He smiled.

"You're so getting a nice little office without any windows, kid."

"Cool.  Will you mind my scaley friend?"

"Iguana?" Jack guessed.

"Baby dragon."  He beamed.  "His species isn't invented yet."

"Yeah," he said dryly, nodding slightly.  "We'll have to see."

"Okay."  He beamed.  "Cool.  So I can go gather my stuff, pack here?  Go...."

"We'll pick you up in Denver in eight weeks?  How big of a truck will you need?  We can help you find a decent apartment off base if you want."

"I've got three u-store it bays.  Small ones.  My couch is going in my office one way or another.  I can manage it in the office.  So just a medium U-Haul?"

"I can do that," he decided.  "Having it shipped work?  We do that for foreign science geeks."

Xander considered it.  "Yeah, probably.  I can arrange that with whoever.  Because a few have shielded areas and my scaley baby will pout if I don't get him soon."

"Sure," Jack agreed.  "And if you give us too much trouble, you're going to Atlantis."

Xander nodded.  "Cool!"  He beamed.  "Armand will love it.  He loves water."

Jack moaned, shaking his head.  "Keep him out of trouble, out of any ally's way, and don't let him bother anyone else, kid."

"I won't."

"Good!"  He smiled.  "Need anything in particular for your office?"

"I can find the stuff to do the expansion spell."

"Fine."  He nodded.  "Will it bother anything like hallway cameras?"

"Nope."

"Even better."

"If it works that well I might ask for a small one so I can put in more bookcases," Daniel said with a smile.

"That'll be fine," Xander agreed.  "I'll get enough for three just in case someone else gets jealous."

"Wonderful.  So.... what's left to discuss?"

"Anya.  I did dump her, well she dumped me because I had suddenly learned things, but she'll try to track me down sometime I'm sure.  I'd like to remain friends."

"We don't mind but if she gets annoying we reserve the right to zat her," Jack said bluntly.

"Sure.  I'm sure she might like that.  Being a former demon can be that way.  I can come back if Buffy needs me?"

"Yup.  If we can get you here in time."

Xander smiled.  "That may never be a problem."

"Don't you dare," Jack ordered.  "We've had enough problems with parallel worlds and quantum mirrors."

"Ewww.  No, not my thing."

"Good!"  He stared at him.  "With permission only."

"Yes, General."

"Thank you, kid.  Now, anything else?"  Xander shook his head.  "Good.  Go sleep, go pack, we'll have paperwork for you to do when you get back."

"I can do that."  He drained his coffee, leaving a nice tip.  "Tell him I liked working for him, Gladys, and I'll pick up my last check tomorrow."

"I sure will.  Be safe, Xander."   He winked then walked out.  She pulled out her cellphone to call her husband.  He'd pout but oh well.

2: New DIgs

Jack came back from a meeting in DC to find Daniel had gotten the kid settled in his office, with his things, and his dragon was a fierce little four foot long plus tail green and black beast.  "Hi," he told it when it growled at him.

"Armand, that's General Jack.  He's a friend and allowed to bother me," Xander said from somewhere that sounded distant.

Jack squatted down, letting it sniff his hand.  He got a little bit steamed but the dragon nudged his hand so he petted him.  "Good guard dragon."  He stood up.  "Can I come in?"  He got out of the way.  Jack walked in and stared.  "Wow, this is impressive since this used to be the size of a closet."

Xander looked over from a bookcase.  "I saw that."  He smiled.  "The couch is comfy."

"Thanks."  He sat down on it, nodding it was comfortable.  Armand hopped up to sniff him some more.  "Do I smell strange?"

"He's a very tactile dragon."  He shelved a few more books and walked back to sit on his newly imported stools of mahogany and wrought steel.  "He loves to nap on you too.  Fair warning."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He petted him, looking around.  The room was now about football field sized.  Lined with bookshelves.  The couch was next to the desk.  The main work tables were down the center.  The desk was against the original back wall across from the doorway.  There were already table lamps on the desk, between the bookcases, and the overhead bulbs had been changed to something less glaringly bright.  "You decorated," he said dryly.

"Not fully.  I still have to unpack a few more books and then the weapons."

"Can I see?"

"Sure, I don't mind."  He got up to walk down to them.  Two medium sized shipping cases got nudged out of the pile and opened.  Jack stared down in there.  It was black inside.  Xander grinned.  "Very handy since most companies won't ship scythes and things."  He pulled out the weapons, laying them on the table.  The zat that got pulled out was looked over quickly then put aside.  "I had to improvise a way to charge it with a solar charger," he admitted, pulling out a long tube.  That got opened and the sword put on the table.  "Holy and magical," he warned.  "It was a gift for saving a priestess."  He pulled out a few more things then checked.  That one was empty.  He opened the other and pulled out the rest of the swords, the guns, and a few larger things.

Jack moaned and opened them to check them over.  "We're confiscating these," Jack said firmly.  "You shouldn't have them."

Xander looked at him.  "They're for apocalypses."

"I don't care."

"Fine.  As long as I can pet them now and then."

"Yup, some guys will let you."  He went to the door and got a few of the Marines.  "Get the armory master up here."  They went to find him.  He came back.  Armand was on top of the holy sword.  "Should you be sitting on that?"

"Yeah, he's like that," Xander said dryly, pulling out the rest.  He searched, coming up with a stuck thing.  "I knew I was missing that case."  He struggled but it came out with only a bit of banging.  Then one last thing when he turned it over to shake.  He put it down and dropped the dragon in it.  "Let me know if I forgot any of the sharp and pointies, Armand."  The dragon made happy sounds as he disappeared.

Jack opened that case, staring at the various axes.  Xander beamed and started to hang/lean weapons all around the room.  His favorites went near his couch or his desk.

The armory master walked in and saluted.  "You needed to see me, sir?"

"This is Civilian Specialist Harris and his weapons.  Including the artillery.  He wants petting rights."

He looked then nodded.  The look on his face said he clearly decided Xander was a weapons freak.  "I'll let him.  Thank you, Specialist Harris.  We could always use new ordinance."  Xander smiled at him.  "Tell me when you want to pet them."  He glanced at the other weapons but if he was a civie then he was probably a geek so the swords made sense to him.  His assistants came to help him carry the artillery.  They'd have to make sure they'd work.

Armand nosed up another few things and went back, coming out with a dagger in his teeth.  "Good boy," Xander praised, scratching him.  He wiggled out and to the other box to search it.  He nosed up another big case and Xander took it to put up too.  It was his armor collection.

Daniel walked in.  "Wow.  I definitely need about half this extra space in my room.  Will it end if you go through the gate?"

"No.  I have it anchored permanently."  He smiled.  "Armand, there's a new friend to meet," he called into the box.  He came out dragging a whip and went to investigate him.

"Hi, Armand," Daniel said.  The dragon sniffed him.  "Can I pick you up?  My knee hurts from my last mission."

"Sit then," Xander ordered.  He sat and the dragon crawled all over him to sniff him.  "He approves," he said when the dragon ended up on Daniel's head and fell asleep up there.

Daniel smiled.  "I can tell.  He's snoring."

"He's very cuddly."  He put up the rest of the books and looked around, ending the spells on the cases.   "Good!"  He smiled and clapped.  The hangings and banners were put up to soften the metallic walls.  "There, perfect."  He came over to sit down on his stool again.  "Feel free to bum, Daniel."

"Thanks, Xander."  He carefully handed him the dragon.  "I might come bum your couch too."

"Sure."  He smiled.  "Oh, that oil."  He found the small jar.  "Works wonders as a muscle rub but it doesn't heat up.  It was one of those multi-purpose oils.  Post workouts to sex to hair to bathing to all sorts of squeaky uses."

Daniel sniffed.  "It smells nice.  Can we duplicate it?"  Xander dug into a box of scrolls, coming up with it.  He read it over, nodding.  "That's not that hard.  I can see if we can get you the stuff so you can make some."  He looked around.  "This used to be a closet."

Xander snickered.  "I saw that."  Someone else walked in and stared in awe.  "Welcome to my humble dungeon and abode, fair one," he said dryly.  "May I assist you in some meaningful or naughty way?"

She flinched, staring at him.  "Who're you?"

"Harris," Jack told her.  "This is Colonel Sam Carter."

"Hi."  He smiled and waved.  "Less shocked?"

"Did you take over extra rooms?" she demanded.

"No.  It was like this when my bookcases got here."

"There's no way they renovated this for you," she said firmly.

"They didn't," Daniel agreed.  "Xander fixed up the space very well.  Is that Chinese armor?"

Xander looked then nodded at him, smiling some.  "Yes.  Han dynasty."  Daniel went to look.

Armand woke up and blinked at the new person.  He made inquisitive noises.  "This is Colonel Carter, Armand."  She flinched away.  "He's a nice baby dragon, Colonel, really."  He held him out.  "Let him sniff you.  He's very friendly and won't bite unless you're mean or he's starving."

She hesitantly let the beast sniff her then backed off when it bleeted at her.  "Um, hi," she told it.  "This is really weird."

"That's kinda what I'm used to anyway," Xander quipped.

"Xander, what language is this in?" Daniel asked, holding up a book.

"Pre-Ancients."

"Furling?"

"No.  Pre-them too."

"Okay."  He flipped through it.  "It's science."

"Yeah, they were a culture long before the Furlings quit going 'fire pretty'."

Daniel stared at him.  "Seriously?"

"Yeah, although I have no idea how to reconcile the maths."

"They used a different math system?" she asked.

"Yeah, in theirs, three plus two equaled eight and a half."  She groaned, shaking her head.  "Literally.  I can figure out how to do theirs, especially with the formulas, but I can't reconcile it to human maths.  Sorry."

"I know someone who would be frustrated and love you to death," Daniel said.  "Can we scan it?"

"Yeah, you should be able to."  He shrugged.  "That whole bookcase has a few more in one of the boxes.  From the bright purple book down, it's all really more ancient than you should realize."

"You act like you met them," Sam said.

"Someone of them," he admitted.  He smiled.  "It took me forever to learn it though.  I am very much a hands-on learner.  Which worked well since they went on a very strict mentoring system.  Including that you were expected to serve your teacher any way they wanted for the knowledge.  If you couldn't, you clearly didn't want to learn from them."

"That's barbaric," she said.

He shrugged.  "It worked for them for eons.  He was kinda nice though.  Told me I was a little shit a few times.  Decided I was evil once and tried to beat the evil out of me.  Otherwise we got along pretty well and I didn't play any more pranks."

"This purple one?" Daniel asked, holding one up.

"No, that's Roman."  He found the very obvious purple book and held it up.  "That one, yeah."  Daniel flipped through that one, humming in interest.  Fortunately Xander had put two nice chairs down there and one was a recliner.

"How did you meet one?" Sam asked.

"I got given a blippy dohickey."  He smiled.  "I learned a lot using it by accident."

"Kid, why did you leave the space?" Jack asked, spotting it.

"In case I have a visitor."

Jack stared at him.  "Is it likely?"

"No clue, but UNIT keeps one for him too."

"Keep him hidden if it does," he muttered.  Xander nodded at that.  "Danny!"  Daniel started, looking at him.  "We were going to do this to your office?"

"Later, Jack.  This is fascinating and on their culture.  He's right, they did go on a strict mentor system with a strong sexual aspect to it."

Xander nodded.  "Yup, they did."  Sam groaned and walked out.  Armand sniffed.  "She'll get used to you, Armand, I promise.  It was just shocking to her.  That's all."  His dragon sniffled him and went to curl up with the reading one.  He wouldn't be moving for hours probably.

Jack shook his head.  "Okay then."  He smiled at the kid.  "Got the map?"

"Got the tour."

"Decent.  Phone card?"

"Magical cellphone?  Why yes I do."

"Even better.  Will it always work?"

"Sometimes eclipses or really strong, nearly-reaching-earth sunspots will affect it."

"Good to know.  I want briefed on anything else special in here.  Anything magical, anything strange, anything holy or that might look odd to the average grunt."

"I can do that."

"Good.  Watch him and make him eat when you do."  He left, going up to the office.  "Cam," he said, smiling at him. It was good to run into his successor.

"General."  He snapped off a quick salute.  "I heard we have a new civie to torture?"

"He's not the average specialist.  He knows trouble, it loves him more than it does Daniel, but he is at least slightly skilled with weapons."

"I heard something about swords and battle axes."

"And guns," Jack promised.

"Good, we use them a lot more than we do swords.  What's his speciality?"

"Languages.  Maybe some maths or science.  He's a unique case."

"Clearly if he has swords on base.  Why did Carter freak out?"

"He's a bit blunt.  Shocked her out of her staring in horror at his office by flirting."

"Ah, one of those."

"Yup," he said with a smile.  "Set up sparring times with him.  I need to know what he can actually do.  He's spent some time training recently and I have no idea how good he is."

"Yes, sir.  Anything else I should know?"

"He's met species that're more ancient than the Furlings."

"Interesting."

"Wait until you see his office.  Where Daniel is sucked into his book collection."

"Standard boot camp?"

"Not a problem.  Tell him to do a military level history report too, Cam."

"Yes, sir."  He saluted and walked off.  He knew where they put the new civie.  "Harris," he said, walking in.  He heard a hiss and looked down at the thing rushing his way.  "What are you?"

"Armand, that's Colonel Mitchell.  Daniel likes him.  He's on his team."

Armand stared at him then climbed up him, making Mitchell flinch until the little dragon rested on his shoulder so he could stare in his face.  "You're a bit odd.  They let you keep your pet?"

"Yeah, his species hasn't been created yet.  What's up, Colonel?"

"How did you know who I was?"

"Daniel."

"Huh?" Daniel asked, smiling when he spotted them.  "Aww, the cuddly dragon likes you."

"He's cute," he said, carefully putting the dragon on the table.  "The general wanted a military history report from you and we need to arrange for physical testing and sparring time."

"Okay.  Today?  Or can we wait until tomorrow?"

"I can arrange it for tomorrow so you can finish unpacking.  I didn't know we did some construction down here."  He looked around.  "Cute armor."

"Thanks."  He smiled.  "You can bum books too.  The fun reading collection is on the first two bookcases by the door."  He pointed at the ones behind his couch.  "And if you ask nicely I allow naps on the couch or in the recliner."

"Good to know."  He stared around again.  "This is very interesting.  I can see why Carter got stuck.  Let me arrange for the sparring times while you do that report for the general.  I'll let you know when by dinner time."

"I'll be here."

"That's good."  He left, going to put the newbie on the schedules.  Range, sparring, gym to see what sort of lifting power he had, and then a run should be good enough.  Range time might be tonight.  That'd ease his burden a bit tomorrow.  He went back there at dinner because there was no way Jackson was being pulled from the books for food.  "Harris, range time at 2000 hours."

"I can do that.  Which weapons?"

"If you pass, we'll issue you a side arm."

"He has six or seven," Daniel said from his seat.  "Rifles too, Cam.  Plus he had a zat."

"And I can use a crossbow," Xander said with a grin.

"Good to know.  Bring a sample of each type of weapon."

"I can do that."

"Sparring tomorrow at 0800, gym after lunch to make sure you can do the lifting requirements and don't have any problems."

"I can't climb ropes very well," Xander admitted.  "I have the upper body strength but it never goes well for me."

"I'll keep that in mind.  After that, a leisurely two mile run?"

"If I must," he sighed.  "With a pack or not?"

"Without this time."  The kid handed him something.  "For O'Neill?"

"Yup."

"I'll hand it to him.  Dinner time, kids."

"Aww, daddy, how did you know I needed caffeine," Xander cooed.

Cam walked off shaking his head.  Yes, the kid was a smartass.  He caught him and Daniel in the mess later, which made him happy since he was pretty sure Jackson had missed lunch.  He sat down with them.  "So, where are you from?"

"Sunnydale.  It's a few hours from LA."  Cam stared at him.  "Yeah, I knew about it and was on the group that helped stop it," he admitted dryly.  He stuffed his mouth.  "I still don't like Riley and Buffy dating."

"I've only heard rumors."

"Before I got recruited, I heard the same about you guys."  He smiled.  "Sword practice tomorrow too?"

"I'm not bad."

"I'm a little bit better than not bad."

"Good."  He smirked.  "We'll hopefully see that when you spar with Teal'c."

"Sure.  Not a problem."  He ate another bite and looked around.  "This is so going to suck.  Before I could date."

"There's non frat regs," Cam agreed.

"We assured him if he found someone willing that was fine," Daniel told him.  "Xander's...fairly unique."

"And needy.  Anya was *so* bad about that."

"We heard," Daniel said dryly.  "She showed up to yell at us for taking you."

"She didn't want me."

"Apparently she wanted you conveniently nearby to see occasionally."

Xander looked at him.  "I knew Anya talked about orgasms, Daniel.  That's one of the few things she liked to talk about.  Very loudly usually."

"I remember her," Cam said with a grin.  "You dated her?"

"She was my fiancee."

"Wow."

"Yeah, and she was a bit needy.  I so need to find a brothel."  He shook his head and stuffed his mouth.

"Don't ask me, I wouldn't know," Daniel quipped.

"I get mine in the clubs," Cam admitted with a smirk.

"The last time I did that she tried to eat me."  Cam's fork fell out of his fingers.  "Literally.  I had to get her off my throat.  But I seem to draw girls like that."

"That was mentioned in the profile that problematic program did," Daniel said.

Xander smiled.  "They probably had no idea.  How far back did they go?"

"A Miss Chase and then Anya."

"Before her was Ampata."  Daniel stiffened.  "Oh, you saw her traveling show?"

"Was she ...Incan perhaps?"

"Yup."  He smiled.  "Someone broke bad on her seal by accident.  She was kinda sweet.  Didn't want to be there but got chosen for it.  She hated it and what went on."  He ate another bite.

Daniel moaned.  "You're so going on a team that has very good fighters."

"Armand will help save me."

"I'm sure he will," Cam agreed.  "Have I met her?"

"No, I don't think so.  You didn't want to go with me when I went to see her show," Daniel said.

"Before her was Mrs. French.  Leggy, beautiful woman who killed our biology teacher after having his virginal self fertilize her future spawn.  Then she went after the other virgins in the school."  Daniel whimpered.  "Thankfully, she didn't like bats and Buffy drove her off with some before she ripped my head off after sex."  He took a drink of his soda.  "So, what sort of allies should I try not to hit on?"

"All of them," Daniel said.  He looked around, not seeing any of his language geek squad, so he switched to Latin.  "What was she?" Daniel asked.

Xander smirked, giving back the proper name.  Daniel whimpered.  "Exactly."  He beamed.  "I really have got to find someone new."

"What about when you were...blipped?" Daniel asked.

"Well, there was....Octy.  There was....SiSi.  Though that's a bit of a longer story.  That one teacher.  Masters Nycroft and Nycom.  Julian.  He was kinda sweet but very strange.  Wanted to sculpt and had a *terrible* eye for it.  I'd have to go over the book with you.  Some are in...sensitive areas."

"I'm sure they were."  Daniel stared at him.

"Personally, the base is 'we don't care as long as we don't have to see it, but only hit on people who'd be receptive'," Cam said quietly.

"Jack told him he could bait people who needed it," Daniel said.

"Okay, and them."  The boy let out an evil cackle.  "You can't build things like death rays, right?"

"Don't know, never tried."

Cam moaned.  "How science oriented are you?"

"Buttons pretty.  I could probably be more interested and maybe understand a lot more now, but I like weapons."

"Good!  We like that.  Though, I'm seeing a scary future of finding you your own team.  It's bad enough Jackson's team had to be so warrior heavy."

Daniel swatted him.  "It's not like every super geek we have needs a personal bodyguard team."

"Yeah!" he snorted.  "I have you and Carter with Teal'c.  We need another heavy bodyguard type now and then.  McKay has Sheppard as his bodyguard and regular grunt person."

"Sheppard's very smart," Daniel said.  "He's very into math."

"I don't care.  Every super genius we have gets their own guard team.  This one's going to be hard to find."

"Make sure they aren't too uptight or I'll drive them nuts," Xander said with an angelic smile.

Cam stared at him.  "Yeah, you will.  I can already feel some sanity slipping.  Especially since I think your pet followed you."  He looked down.

Xander looked under the table.  "C'mere."  Armand crawled up beside him and took a good bit of food off his tray and onto the spare roll plate he had gotten.  His baby dragon nuzzled him and hummed as he dug in.

"What is that?" one of the scientists demanded as she came in.

"His name's Armand and he's mine," Xander told her.  "He's usually friendly but wait until he's scarfed down his food."  He dug in again, looking at Daniel.  "So, I saw your office's piles.  When do I get my own?"

"I want notes on the books you have and any languages I might not know."

"Okay.  Already done."

"Good!"  He smiled.  "Then we'll get to work sorting some of my piles onto you once I made sure you're as good as they said you were."

"Even better.  After the run tomorrow or tonight?"

"I can do that tonight."  She moved closer.  "Armand is very cuddly.  He helped me read a new book earlier," he told her.

"Is he deadly?" she asked.

"He can bite," Xander admitted.  "He usually doesn't unless he feels threatened.  He's more friendly than some cats."  She stared at the dragon when it looked at her.  "Tell him your name.  He's very smart."

"I'm Doctor Lantana."  She let it sniff her hand.  Then the dragon yawned and leapt, climbing up her arm to sniff her face.  "Huh.  You are very friendly."

"Yes he is."  He clapped his hands and Armand leapt back to him, letting himself be sat in the lap.  "He snuck off."

"That's okay.  Can I take some x-rays of him and things...which one are you?"

"Harris.  Linguistics."

"I'm in xenobiology.  I won't hurt him."

"I don't mind x-rays.  He likes to laugh at them."

"That's wonderful.  Does it shed?"

"Not often.  Now and then he'll have a scale that sticks and comes off."

"Can I have one to test on?"

"Sure."  She beamed and went to get her own dinner, then take it back to the lab so she could tell her coworkers they had finally gotten a pet on base that wasn't a Marine who needed ear scratches for carrying things.

"Think I can bribe someone to get me some pots and some soil the next time someone runs into town?" Xander asked Daniel.  "I forgot to pick some up."

"Sure.  Give me a list of what you need.  What are you planting?"

"A couple of helpful meditation herbs and a few things that I got from a special conservatory.  They're in stasis right now."

"Make me a list, Xander."

"Can I bribe you to pick me up some two-liters since I live on soda?" he asked with a cute look.  "I might share some of my twinkies with you."

"I might be able to be talked into it," he said dryly.  Xander beamed at him.

"Why is it you super geeks live on sugar and caffeine?" Cam asked.

"It brings our giant brains into focus and lets our bodies work as fast as our brains do," Xander quipped.  Cam snickered.  "Though I'm not a super geek.  I just happened to learn a lot during some strange things."

"You learned it, that makes you a super geek," Cam said firmly.  "Most of us would've ignored it."

"You can't really when you're dropped in the middle of somewhere and you don't know the local language."

"True but most of the ones we recruit for are long dead."

"Yeah," Xander agreed.  "They are."

"Are you a Highlander?" he teased.

"Nah, mine's a side effect of the blippy thing I got given."

"I don't need to know," he decided.  "Even if it's something that downloaded into your brain, that still makes you a super geek."  He finished up and left the two super geeks alone.  He'd see him on the range in a few minutes.

Xander finished up and went to gather weapons with Daniel's help.  The range wasn't that hard to find.  He closed Armand in his office this time.  That way he couldn't help on the range.  Or get taken by a xenobiologist.

***

Cam Mitchell looked at the two generals the next night, sighing in frustration.  "Who is he?" he asked when they stared back.  "There's a huge enigma about him and how he knows what he knows.  He's used a lot of temporal reference quips.  He's clearly military trained.  I want to cut him to see if he has a bit of immortal healing."

"He's not an immortal," Jack admitted.  "The 'blippy thing' he talked about was a time traveling device that got set off by accident."

"No wonder!"

"By his report, he's been in four wars, a few more minor battles, and hated most of them.  Also, in his hometown, before then, he was on the local protection society.  So he had some training from all that.  How were his range scores?" Jack asked.

"Damn near perfect.  Handgun, P-90, rifle, zat was a bit to the left.  He said the one he had found was a bit awkward and he was used to it.  Staff weapons too.  He and Teal'c sparred with a staff earlier today.  Teal'c said he's not bad.  Self-conscious but he can drop into 'fuck this' mode as the kid put it when I asked him about it.  When we were on the run in the woods, which was a bit slower than I'd like, he managed to track down an injured guy who had fallen while running and broke his ankle by sound."  Jack nodded at that.  "Then straightened it for him and did a splint until the docs could get him."

"Sounds about right," Jack agreed.  "How slow was his running?"

"It was clearly an easy jog.  I pushed him to all-out run like something was going to eat him.  He quipped and said if they were fun he might not run from them.  That was almost normal.  On muscle and lifting mass he's above average."

"He was working construction."

"Wonderful!  How are you going to find a colonel to pair him with, sir?"  Landry choked.  "What?" he defended.  "Each of our super geeks have a highly tolerant, overprotective colonel on their tails for when they wander into trouble.  Jackson had him then me.  McKay has Sheppard.  Carter is kinda my backup and kind of Jackson's on that issue so we have the other super warrior on our team."

"I'm still looking," Jack said blandly.  "Did Doctor Lam test him for the ATA gene?"

"Yup.  She said he's fairly strong.  Sheppard might kill you for sending him a second super geek."

"The kid would sleep with anyone who didn't like them and then they'd have more allies," Jack quipped back.

"Yeah, he censored himself about that topic a few times," he said dryly.  "Speaking of, Armand has been seen by a xenobiologist.  She's taken scans and Harris went with him to make sure she didn't hurt his pet.  He's worried more will covet him."

"He can kick their butts," Jack assured him.  "And I do mean the dragon."  Landry gave him a horrified look.

"He said his baby dragon's species hasn't been created yet," Cam told him.  "Is Armand being geek sat when he's on missions?"

"By his report, Armand's been in a few battles with him," Jack said.  "If you find a team to suggest, let us know."

"Make them *real* tolerant of the smartass gene, General.  I think he could out-snark McKay sometimes.  He definitely managed to get Carter.  He made her blush, which I didn't know she could do."

"It takes a lot to get her."

"He offered her a twinkie so she walked off in a huff."

Landry coughed.  "This is my new linguist?" he asked.

"He's like some curious cross between Jackson, Sheppard, and some oversexed guy in the clubs," Cam told him.

"I'm not sure if Sheppard likes weapons as much as the kid does," Jack said, considering it.  "I know our arms master was amused."

Landry looked at him.  "What did you bring me in him?"

"Thirty-five languages and knowledge from a culture that was pre-Furling."

"That's helpful," he decided.

"Who's a classic white knight, has been in battles both before and during his blippy phase as he calls it, loves weapons from the simplistic up, and who might be a bigger brain but he doesn't do well in classroom learning.  He's still soaking up knowledge when it's given to him in other ways."

"So, if we could get Carter to teach him physics?" Cam asked.

"He doesn't learn well from lectures.  She'd have to put it in more practical terms."

"What was he doing before his...blippy phase?" Landry asked.  Jack pulled up a file on the kid.  The Initiative had taken a lot of film of the group when they found out there was one. Landry stared then at him when the first vampire went poof into dust.  "Excuse me?" he demanded.

"Protecting that town, Hank.  Him, two girls, a former member of a certain society in England that makes Danny boy steam at the ears most of the time for the way they hoard information."

"Can I know?" Cam asked.  "Maybe I'll be able to find a good Colonel to set on the new super geek."

"It's not exactly classified.  This part.  The group he helped shut down is."  He let him see it. Cam stared, one eyebrow quirked up, arms crossed over his chest.  "So he was partially trained before then took some more while he was blipped."

"Uh-huh.  So he can handle it if something goes FUBAR?"

"That's the only word to describe his town," Jack agreed.  "Though it was nice they didn't try to keep Daniel."

"Odd too," Cam quipped back.  The next film was played and he moaned.  "Why does he have an axe?"

"He seems to favor them," Jack said with a small shrug.  "You didn't see them all over his office?"

"Yeah."  They kept going and he had to sigh.  "Crap!"

"Yeah," Jack said dryly, letting Hank have his monitor back.  "Keep him away from the Tok'ra.  I have the feeling they're not going to get along.  Especially not Anise."

"No doubt unless he hits on her.  He said he used to date evil women," he said at Landry's opening mouth.  "Apparently Daniel knew one.   He seemed fairly shocked to hear her name in the discussion."  He scratched the side of his neck.  "So he's like a lighter, fluffier, funnier, gayer version of Jackson then."  Jack nodded with a smirk.  "There's no way unless your clone is coming in sometime soon, sir."

"I doubt Jon would be able to handle him," he admitted dryly.  "The kid jokes when he's under stress.  Plus he's a Monty Python person instead of a Simpsons one."

"I'll look," he offered.  "Maybe Major Lorne from Atlantis until we can find him one of his own?"

"I might consider that but it'll be a while before he goes trekking through the gateway."

"Good!  Think he'll have Sheppard's problems?"

"Oh, yeah," Jack moaned, nodding.  "But more allies."

"That's a good thing I guess.  Can I have popcorn when he meets Sheppard and McKay?"

"Sure, you and me both," Landry said dryly.  "I heard rumors he renovated?"

"No, he magically expanded the closet we gave him," Jack said.  "Literally."

"Magic isn't real," Cam said.

"Then you explain how he has little glowing light balls attached to his walls between his bookcases that aren't biological," Jack said.

"Carter's going to have a fit," he complained.

"Yup."  He beamed.  "It'll do her good to lose her mind for a bit.  It did the rest of us."

"Clearly I'm better for losing mine too," Cam said dryly.  "I won't tell her magic is real, sirs.  If you want her to know, you tell her."  He saluted and walked off.  He sent a letter off to Sheppard to warn him.  Maybe he knew someone who could be his soldier/guard/anti-geek.

Landry looked at Jack.  "What, exactly, does blipping consist of?"

"The kid got hold of a temporal artifact."

"Oh, dear lord," he muttered.  Jack handed him the bottle of antacid.  "Thank you.  How bad?"

"He learned a lot but some of it was refining skills.  He did warn me that he's not going to hide his personality any more.  I told him to make it subtle when he flirted."

"I heard about something from UNIT," Landry sighed.

"Yeah, he's got a space set up in case one of them visits suddenly."

"He ran into the Doctor?"

"At least twice."

"Hell."

"The kid's not bad, even before he blipped.  I would've recruited him as a soldier then.  Now, he's got language skills and UNIT made it clear if we didn't want him, they were going to corrupt him."

"No, we need him more.  There's no telling what he learned that could help us.  Back in time?"

"I think forward and back since Armand isn't supposed to exist for a few centuries."

He smirked.  "That might be very helpful on Atlantis."

"His answer to having to spend some time there was 'cool'."

"He'll drive Sheppard and McKay nuts," he realized.  "Woolsey too."

"Woolsey would probably go mental if he had to deal with the kid for too long.  He'll definitely pick at a personality that doesn't get along with his.  Mitchell was right about something.  He is like the demented child between Jackson and Sheppard."

"Don't give the Asgard any ideas, please!" he begged.  Jack walked off laughing at that.  Landry went back over the file.  He'd meet his new linguist later that night.  Better to be forewarned than stunned stupid at the wrong time.  The kid had to learn to respect him.

***

On Atlantis, John Sheppard got the weekly emails and stared since he actually got one.  He opened it and smiled.  "Mitchell's in so much trouble."  He considered it.  "McKay," he called, bringing him into his office.  "The program has a new super geek."

"Are we getting him?"

"Maybe sometimes.  He's a linguist."  He let him read the email.  Rodney glared at him.  "The soldiers all know that any of the super geeks get their own teams for a reason.  You guys get into trouble while being geeks."

"It says this one's like a cross between you and Jackson.  Maybe he won't need a team."

"Bet me," he snorted.  "Did you not see how much trouble he gets into?"

"Multiplied by your own?" McKay said dryly.

"Exactly!  If he has the luck their team has and our team has, they're going to need another one like O'Neill and Mitchell plus a Jaffa."

"So three soldiers?" he taunted.

"Maybe.  If he comes up here, I'm giving him to Lorne's team.  He deals with you and Radek enough to know how to get geeks to do important things, like stop studying."

Major Evan Lorne leaned in.  "Did I just hear myself sacrificed?"

"There's a new super geek in linguistics," Sheppard told him dryly.

"He's supposedly like a cross between this one and Jackson."

Lorne shuddered.  "With all due respect, sir, unless this one has sense, I'd hide from him."

"He has physical fight training.  Cam said he likes swords and battle axes."

"A ren faire geek, that's even worse," he complained.  Sheppard let him see the email, earning a whimper.  "I'd need a leash, Colonel."

"Maybe," he admitted.

"At least you have some warning," Rodney said sarcastically.

"And it says he's an ATA carrier.  Joy!" Lorne said, walking off shaking his head.  That meant they'd definitely have the new super geek on the base sometime.  He was doomed.  He went to warn the other people Major or above.  That's as low as super geeks ever got given to.  You needed real experience to herd a super geek around the galaxy without letting them get into *too* much trouble.  He found most of them doing mandatory range time.  "Bad news, guys, there's a new super geek in linguistics," he announced.

One moaned.  "Did Jackson pop up with a clone finally?"

"No, from the email, this one was recruited after an incident left him with over thirty-five languages."  That got a mass moan.  "He is apparently slightly weapons and physical combat trained, though he's got a ren faire and sword bent, and he's an ATA carrier."

One stiffened.  "I used to know someone who had that sort of luck."

"Was his name Harris?" Lorne asked dryly.  The guy banged his head against a wall.  "I'll take that as a yes."

He looked at him.  "He's got more than physical combat training.  He and the group he was helping out to protect their town helped take down a covert military unit I was assigned to.  Whoever gets him should know he's a goofy, sarcastic bastard who draws women with issues.  His last one, the only one I personally know of, talked about sex *constantly* only she called it orgasms."

"Mitchell said he was like a kid between Sheppard and Jackson," Lorne offered.

"With the ability to do the improbable like O'Neill did."  He walked off, going to confess to Sheppard about that project so someone on base was warned.  The kid was going to warp the SGC.  They'd have to see Carter dressed like Summers and Cam Mitchell in ugly hawaiian shirts.  He walked into the office.  "I know the new super geek tangentially, sir.  If you put me anywhere near him, we might lose him and he might want to kill me because I was part of a covert program his cohorts helped shut down.  Also, warn Colonel Mitchell that the boy only draws evil and problematic women from what I know and have heard.  He's the captain of the improbable happening more than O'Neill was when he was on a team.  Tell him to watch out for ugly shirts too.  The boy wore some really ugly hawaiian shirts."  He walked off shaking his head.

"Okay, that's interesting," John said, staring after his major.  McKay hummed.  He sent that message back to Mitchell.  Fair warning was always good since he was the prime colonel who might have to train the new super geek's team to deal with him.  It wasn't usually automatic that super geeks could deal with military mindsets.

***

Xander bounced into the gateroom, smiling and beaming at SG-1.  He was going to an old temple the linguists were working on as a trial run to see how he handled himself in the field.

"Caffeine, now," Mitchell ordered.  He knew that the kid needed it to quit bouncing.  He had learned that when he had Carter cut off his soda habit for a weekend.  The resulting weapons were very evil.  Sweet, destructive, but evil.  Especially when it was nearly used on them for cutting off his caffeine.

"I just had some."  He beamed.  "Armand woke me up a bit late since he did something to my alarm clock."

Daniel shook his head.  "Your pack's leaking."

Xander took it off and looked.  "Oops, my can got ruptured."  He pulled something out of a baggie while gulping the rest of the soda.  The sponge inflated to soak up almost all of the mess.  Some still remained in the fabric.  "Here, Armand."

"That's a sponge, not food," Carter complained.

"Yeah, he can pretty well eat anything protein."  He let him have the sponge, making him belch at the fizziness but he was happily purring.  Xander blotted the rest with a spare t-shirt, letting him have that too.  Then he repacked everything.  "That's why I keep things in tightly sealed plastic bags.  It looks like my dart got free and punctured it."

"You're carrying a blow dart?" Cam demanded, looking amused.

"Can you think of a better silent weapon?"

"No," he sighed, shaking his head.  It was scary how some of Xander's common sense ideas worked.

"That's why I have it."  He looked.  Then he pulled out a small bag and a few extra things to put in there.

"Most of us carry things like rations, extra notebooks, and a spare change of clothes," Daniel told him.

"Eww, ration bars."  He unpacked.  "Let's see.  Sixteen shrunken sodas so I don't go into caffeine withdrawal and caffeine pills if we go long.  First aid kit, chocolately goodness for sudden energy needs because protein bars are disgusting.  Pemican in fish, deer, and goose.  Shrunken camp stove and gas canister, plus two pots and a pan in the bag, but I think I forgot the utensils."  He put that aside.  "Two extra t-shirts.  Extra pair of pants and socks."  He put that aside.  "Sealed notebooks in plastic."  That got put down.  "Three fun books in case I get bored and can't sleep but I'm not on watch."

He put those aside too.  "Cellphone that has worked to see if I can find signals since it can pick up subspace signals."  Sam shook her head with a moan.  "And has proven useful," he noted.  He put that aside and pulled out the weapons case  "Blow dart and pipe.  Traveling kit for swords and battle axes."  He looked, it had two swords and his favorite axe in it.  He put that aside once it was closed.  "Oil in case of cramps."  That got put into an inner pocket.  "Two candy bars because someone asked me to give them to Doctor Davis for his birthday.  And the six cards for him too."  He put those aside then looked.  Then up at them.  "Good enough?"

"No extra guns?" Cam asked blandly.

"I've got three on me plus my P-90.  Do I need more?"

"No," he said, walking off to kick the wall and moan about it.  "Repack, Harris.  That'll give the caffeine time to kick in."

"Yes, mother."  He repacked while Daniel snickered quietly into Sam's shoulder.  She was slumped and shaking her head.

"It is a wise warrior who packs extra weapons," Teal'c said.  "Especially when two highly intelligent people are going on the same mission."

Cam came back.  "Unload the artillery, let's see what you're carrying so I know how to grab it when we need it."  Xander shrugged and disarmed himself.  Collapsible metal rod in his pocket.  Three knives, the mentioned three guns, two on his back waistband, one in an ankle holster.  One dagger he had taped to his back under his shirt.  Necklace that apparently was very sharp because he took it off.

"I saw a charm bracelet in your bag," Sam said.  "Memento?"

"No.  But don't touch it.  They'll grow."  He checked himself and patted himself down, taking out his extra ammo clips from his jacket pockets.  Cam stared at him.  He beamed back.  "Just in case, boss, really.  I figured out what I'd take in case we ran into a threat."

Cam nodded.  "Yeah.  Good idea.  Put it back on and leave the dragon in your office."

"Armand likes to travel and he's very useful.  He can tell gou'ald larva."  Teal'c stiffened.  "It took me a bit to realize while he kept giving you long stares, big guy.  Sorry, if I had realized I would've told him you were a good guy.  I have since, that's why he's trying to eat your bootlace."  He rearmed himself.   The alarm went off overhead and the iris closed over the stargate as 'unscheduled offworld activation' went out over the loudspeakers.  "I do what beyond stand here and greet whoever?" he asked Daniel.

"Stay out of the way."

"It's the team on PX-2254x, sir," Chuck said.

"Release the iris."

He hit the button.  Then again.  "It's stuck.  Captain Tolliver, the iris is stuck, do not enter the wormhole," he sent.

"We're under attack!" he complained.

Xander looked at it then climbed up onto the railing around the ramp.  "Are there supposed to be magnets holding the center, Chuck?"

"No, Xander."  He took them off and the iris opened.  "Thank you.  Gateway is clear, Captain.  Incoming, people.  Medical team to the gateroom."

"Move, Armand.  Out of the way."  Xander moved his pack too so it wouldn't be in the way.  "Need my help?  I can at least do first aid."

"Medical team has it," Carter told him.  "You can do it for us in the field."

"Sure."  People came limping through and one collapsed half in the wormhole.  They moved up to move the poor guy, handing him back to his teammates.

"Anyone left there?" Cam asked the security leader.

He looked around.  "James and Patrick should be behind me."  He counted noses again.  "They're not here."

"Okay.  Teal'c."  They grabbed weapons.  Xander too.  "You, stay."

"Shut up.  I've been in more wars than you have, kid."  They went for the wormhole but a gou'ald came through.  Armand hissed at it.  "You fucking idiot," he said, shooting him.

"You are all ours now," the Jaffa said.

Xander kicked him.  "No, I'm not.  You're not cute enough for me."  Another one came through and then his boss.  "Si."

"Xander?" he asked, staring at him.  He huffed.  "Why are you with them?"

"They're my people."

"It is...."

Xander glared, tapping a foot.  "Shut the hell up.  I'm not having this argument with you.  You're a bastard and if you don't back off you know damn well I'll take you out."  The Jaffa moved toward him and he kicked him back through the gateway.  "What wimps you're surrounding yourself with, Si."

The gou'ald groaned.  "I know you are still angry but you can come with me.  We can be together again."

"Except that your newest body isn't up to my standards, and you never told me about that little problem you have with the host.  I only like one soul in any given body."  The man glared.  His eyes flashed.  Xander's flashed back.  "Get off my planet.  They're my people now.  We will fight."

"I want you back," he complained.  "You were my perfect mate.  I will not even offer you as a host because it would destroy the mind that drew me, just leaving me with the body that I desired."  He stepped forward.  "We were an exciting match that invigorated many to worship us."

"I don't need worship and I don't like your host or the reason you have one.  What makes you think I'd take you back?"

The godly wanna be pouted.  "We were good together.  We had much fun.  Feasted and helped many prosper."

Xander raised an eyebrow.  "Then you didn't tell me that you're a host.  I don't like that.  One soul per body unless it was a possession and you got rid of it."

"You would dump me for them?" he demanded.

"Um, yeah.  They're honorable and don't lie to me."

The gou'ald's eyes narrowed.  "I can take them hostage.  Make you come back to save them."

"Dear, even if that were true, I'd take over and we'd have the Empire of Xander problem again."  His former boyfriend shuddered.  "Now, hop in your pyramid and scoot!  You're bothering my new people."

"Just one try?" he begged.  "You can bring them as your harem.  I will not mind you having ones since you needed much more than even this younger, more strong body could give."

Xander looked him over then shook his head.  "That body's not really to my tastes, Si.  Sorry.  No.  I respect them.  They respect me.  If you try this shit again, we're going to have a war."  Armand grew and growled at the gou'ald.  "Didn't I tell you not to do that?  It makes you starving for days on end, Armand!"  The gou'ald stared at it in awe.  "Yeah, that's the baby."

"He is still very pretty and very serious in your protection.  I have liked Armand for that."  He let it sniff him.  "I was there when you hatched."  It snapped at his stomach.  "Fine, I will leave your human father alone."  He stared at Xander.  "This is not done."

"Yes it is.  I might even go back to women."  He pouted all the way back through.  "You have ten minutes to clear it before I come up there and take over," he shouted after him.  The gou'ald shuddered right before crossing the gateway.  He turned to stare at his dragon, hands on his hips.  "Down, now."  He shrank.  "Thank you!  I can protect myself from my former lovers.  You don't need to growl at them.  Make Teal'c pet you."   He sighed, leaning on a railing.  "Doc, can I help bandage or anything?"

"No, I think you're going to be debriefing," she said bluntly, looking at him.  "You slept with that?"

"I had no idea he had a larva.  I don't like it when you have more than one soul in a body.  It usually gives you bad ideas."  He came down to lift someone up that they were having problems with.  He got him the candy bars and cards.  "I was supposed to carry those to you," he said with a gentle smile.

"Thank you, Harris."

"You're welcome."  He waited until they were gone to look at Cam.  "I was working in an architect's office.  Someone had decided I was a prize to steal from early Athens.  I managed to beat their asses and get free so I was working to pay for passage back home.  The next thing I know, the royal architect's office was invaded by guards and then Si.  Si flirted.  I flirted back.

"That body wasn't that horrible in bed, but this new one looked like a gym rat and I can't stand gym rats.  They talk about their muscles more than what they've read or watched.  He didn't tell me he had an extra little bit to him and when I found out I got *real* pissed and nearly destroyed him.  I did go through most of his guards that tried to protect him.  I destroyed a good bit of his personal quarters throwing them at him.  Then he offered me the chance to join him.  Well.... I probably shouldn't have pulled the hand grenade out back in ancient Egypt... but it was kinda satisfying to watch him flee."

"We definitely won't let them take you," Daniel said.  In his mind he was cackling.  He knew Xander could pull out the diva act.

Xander looked at him.  "Like with Octi, I would've made it the Empire of Xander, Daniel.  We'd all be having a lot more fun."

"I can agree it would probably be more fun than the Roman empire."

"Oh, I don't know, Octi's court was pretty fun.  Lots of really good food."

"Octi, like Octavius?" Sam asked.

"Octavian, but yeah.  Why?"

"As in Caesar?" she demanded shrilly.

"Yeah.  He was pretty decent in bed.  Treated me as a favored mistress."  He shrugged.  "Had people come in to tutor me in things like philosophy, because I had no idea why I was so confused.  I'm not really the lecture learner."

Sam flopped down, giving him a horrified look.  "You ...slept with a Caesar?"

"Yeah."

"But.... they...."

"Yes, sweetie, some of us are *bi*," Xander said dryly, staring her down.  "Though I'm a bit picky in some things.  I like me some pretty, some brains, but not overly much of either or it gets annoying, and I hate gym rats.  Use hard is one thing, bowflex ripped is another.  Most gym rats really don't use their minds all that much."

"It is true, one who works for his muscles or trains in fighting to gain them respect them more than those who irrationally bulk up to say they have muscles," Teal'c agreed. "I have never understood those body builders you see on the tv."

"Me either."  Xander shrugged.  Sam was still staring at him in horrified shock.  "What?" he asked finally.

"You...  But then...."

"Blippy. Thing," he said dryly.  She groaned, flopping onto her back.  He shrugged at Cam's confused look.  "Sue me, he treated me well and I was lonely."

"No, not that.  Could you really take them over?"

"Possibly.  Might take me a bit to get the higher ups to see things my way.  Ra was always so amused Si had me."  He shrugged.  "Anyway, it's been ten minutes.  Can we make sure they fled like good minions?"

"No," Cam said.  "I want a list of every gou'ald you ever ran into.  We have a problem with Ba'al.  Are we going to have a similar scene?"

"Eww.  I have taste."

"Good!" he said.  "Will you end up kicking his ass?"

"Most likely if he tries to pinch me again.  Because, yeah, I like *minds* that don't screw with others."

General Landry coughed over the loud speaker.  "Harris," he said calmly.   Daniel burst out cackling.  "Doctor Jackson!"

"Sorry, General, but the last time I heard that tone of voice, General Hammond was trying very hard not to yell at Jack for blowing up something."

"I heard about that mission," he said bluntly.

"I read it," Cam muttered.  "Why me?" he asked the ring.  Sam started to come back around.  "Hey, Carter, you done being a girl?" he called loudly.

Xander hauled her up and handed her to a waiting Marine.  "Here.  My magnificence stunned her giant brain.  Coming, General."  He walked out, going up there to be chewed a new one.

Cam looked at Armand, who walked over to Teal'c and climbed him.

"You are heavier than usual," he complained.  But he did lighten over the next few minutes so he petted him.  "It was very nice of you to protect us from your father's former keeper.  Thank you, Armand."  The dragon meeped at him and snuggled in to be adored.

"He definitely needs at least two anti-geeks on his team," Cam said.  Daniel nodded, bursting out laughing again.  "I so want to see him slug Ba'al though."

"With the way he draws bad girls, Adria," Daniel laughed.

"Oh, god, no," he moaned, shaking his head.  "Eww, Daniel!"

"If, as has been stated, his past dating history is full of evil women, then she may be what he is looking for," Teal'c said.  "He may even convince her to be on our side."

"I'll suggest it," Daniel snickered.  Xander came back.  "Are you okay?" he asked since he looked a bit embarrassed.

"He wanted full disclosure of anyone else I slept with.  So I gave him my book.  He's presently having a headache."  He put on his pack.  "Can we go?"

"Chuck?" Cam called.

"Permission granted, Colonel.  General Landry gave you a go."

They left, going to check the site to make sure the gou'ald had fled.  They ran into Si but Xander glared and sighed, pulling out a weapon.  The guards fled.  Si pouted.  Xander cocked it and pointed it at him.  "I said no."

"Please?"

"No!"  He shot at his feet, making him sulk but stomp off.  "Get in your little ship and flee!  Before I go talk to the higher ups and make them beg the same way."

"I would like that," Si said with a smile.

"I'm sure you would but they'd be mine, not yours."  The gou'ald slumped at his vision of taking over being dashed.  "Shoo!"  He got beamed up and took off.  Xander growled.   "I hate clingy ex's.  Anya's going to be bad enough!"

Daniel patted him on the back.  "Everyone has one sometime, Xander.  Calm down."

"I need ice cream," he complained.  He followed Daniel to the site.  The invasion had knocked down a few walls and destroyed a few more into bits and pieces.  "This is going to suck to put back together."  He sighed and they started to pick up pieces and any leftover gear the group had left.

Sam Carter came over to help.  "I don't mind if you're gay, Xander."

"I'm bi, Sam."

"Sure, that's fine."

"And I flirt, always.  I won't flirt with you though.  You're too much brain and not enough fun."  He smiled at her.  "I need more fun in my life."

"I get that.  Thank you for being honest.  I'll let you flirt when you're having a bad day or I am."

Cam was muttering about how not even Sheppard would be able to guard the kid.  Teal'c was ignoring him.  "Perhaps another Jaffa will sign on to go with a team," he decided.  Cam smiled at him, nodding some.  "I foresee many amusing trips for his team like ours had over the years."

Xander looked over.  "If you're sure."  He smiled.  "I wouldn't mind fun."

"By any chance you don't know any ascended, do you?" Sam asked.

"She was ascended by the Powers That Be to be their messenger.  She's glowy squid girl."

Daniel stared at him.  "Cordelia?"

"Yeah.  We dated in high school."  He smiled.  "Yes, the fluke was just that if she told you.  And they all blamed me even though I wasn't the only one there.  I'm damn sorry it happened though."

"Yeah, she mentioned you.  Called you an ugly shirt wearing dork a few times."

"Hey, I like my hawaiian shirts," he complained.  "Even if she was miss fashionable cheerleader."

"I understand so much better," Daniel told him.  "She told me once that you were the butterfly in the chaos theory."  Xander beamed at that description.  "Also that you got into some of the strangest, most warping trouble.  I should've listened to her."

Xander laughed.   "I still love the glowy squid girl but yeah, we were all snark and closet groping.  Did she tell you she broke up with me on valentine's day, right after I gave her a present, so I cast a love spell that backfired and had the whole town's women after me?"

"Yeah, she did," he said dryly.  He shook his head.  "Please don't do it again.  We have enough problems with the gou'ald queens sending out pheromone bombs."

He waved a hand.  "I can still kick their asses through it.  They don't really pick them for pretty."  He got back to work.

Cam stared at him.  "Been there, done that?" he guessed.

"Twice.  No t-shirt, sorry.  Or I'd share."  He smiled at him.

"If you get one, give it to Jackson."  He rubbed his forehead.  Sheppard was going to cackle himself into the infirmary over this trip.  Maybe they'd make a five person team for Xander?  Four non-geeks and him?  That might keep the chaos around him down, right?

***

On Atlantis four days later, John Sheppard opened his email from Mitchell.  He burst out cackling.  "Yeah, that's bad."  Lorne looked over so he waved him in.  "Harris' first gate mission.  It got interrupted by someone he slept with."

Lorne came in to read over his shoulder, snickering the whole way through it.  "I won't let them steal me, Colonel."  He walked off happier, shaking his head.  They might have an emergency soon but maybe...  "Think we could get him up here to help us?"

"Don't tempt me," John called back.  "I'd unleash him on the Genii."

Woolsey walked out of his office.  "What are you two cackling about?' he demanded.

"The new super geek on base, Harris," Lorne said dryly.

"I didn't know we had found another expert.  What field is he in?"

"Linguistics."  Lorne got back to work.  "Colonel, do we think we can ask him if he knows anyone around here too?"

"I might."  He made suggestions back that had helped him with McKay.  Each geek needed their own strategy for dealing with their moods, their innate sense of trouble, and their personality flaws.  Though, he wasn't sure being a flaming flirter was a bad one.  Woolsey came into his office.  "The new linguist is supposed to be like a cross between me and Doctor Jackson.  Their first away mission with him and SG-1 was interrupted by someone he had slept with."

"Invading the base?"

"Literally through the stargate.  Mitchell blamed it on a blippy thing that he said he had access to for a while."

"Blippy thing?"

"Ask General Landry, that's all we were told."

"Fine."  He went to send him an email in the weekly packet.   Plus one to the IOA board to see if he should request this new linguist on his project.

3: Atlantis And Beyond

General Landry groaned, paging the geek in question.  Xander came in with Armand riding on his shoulder.  "He's that bored?"

"Yup.  The cafeteria ladies won't let him steal any more plates to nibble on.  Even though I paid for the others.  What's up?"

"This is IOA representative Childers."

Xander looked at him.  "Oh, hey, I shot at you on the Initiative base."  He smiled.

"What are you doing here, Harris?  You're not a giant brain."

Xander said something in Ancient, making him gasp and back up.  "Yeah, I kinda am.  Actually, I knew some of that language before I got given the blippy dohickey that the demon stole off someone in Torchwood."

"Torchwood?" he gasped.

"Yeah."

"Jack Harkness' special wristband!" he demanded.

"Yeah, a demon mugged him.  The demon claimed it had a death ray when he threatened a few normals.  I took it from him when I scared the crap out of him in payment for letting him flee the city.  He was a minor pickpocket and we warned Angel.  Then it activated."  The idiot groaned.  "So yes, now I'm here.  It was here or UNIT.  They sent Graham to try to get me to UNIT."  He beamed.  "It's great.  Armand and I have already run into an ex.  I've managed to get people to accept me for who I am, and none of them ignore me.  By the way, you should've fired that profiler for fucking up so badly.  Now, anything else?  I was in the middle of a Summerian translation for Doctor Jackson."

"You can?" he demanded.

"I could before this.  Some of the Watchers books are in that, Latin, and Ancient Greek."  The man whimpered.  "Do you maybe need the doctor?"  Armand purred at him.  "No, you can't suck up to the doctor, Armand.  She'll want to stab me with the needles again."  He petted him.  "Anything else, General?"

"He wasn't sure you should be working here."

Xander smiled.  "Have I mentioned recently that if former Initiative people don't leave me alone I'm going to the press?  That would take care of the Watchers Council sending me threats by email and regular mail this week and them being putzes both."  He stared at the former solider.  "Get out of my way.  I'm happy here and I can go back up Buffy for apocalypses since apparently half of you were too weak and scared to do the job four teenagers did."  The man gaped.  "Didn't see *you* at graduation.  Or fighting against the torture you guys did, even to your own people, or against the Judge, or any of them."

"I...."

"I don't care," Xander said when he stuttered.  "At least I put my life on the line for what I believed.  That gives me the right to look down on all you former Initiative assholes who went along willingly like sheep.  Now, you're bothering the General and I'm sure he's having a headache finding me a team to sit on."  He smiled sweetly at the shuddering going on.  "You can tell the glory hole whore Travers who sits on both that leaving me alone is a very good idea since the blippy thing allowed me to train my magic *very* well.  Plus I can now build advanced weapons that can be magiced from here into his lap.  Gondra did tell me how to use qualinick to make compact, powerful bombs."  He nodded quickly.  "Leave me, this program, and Sunnydale the hell alone."

"Sure, I can do that," he promised, nodding quickly.  "Please don't out anything."

"I wouldn't out anything around here.  Buffy wouldn't mind though because it'd mean she'd get more dates.  Plus more backup probably."  He whimpered.  "Shoo."  Armand blew some smoke at him, making him start to whimper and curl up again.  "Like him?  I got him on my blippy trip.  His name's Armand."  He smiled. "He's my baby dragon."

"Sure," he said weakly.  "Of course you have a baby dragon."  He nodded.  Xander walked off looking happy.  He looked at the general.  "I'm so sorry.  Would you like us to confine him?"

"No, we want him.  He fits in real well around here," he said dryly.  "Let me escort you out to the elevators."  He walked him that way since he was still a baby step from going into a full blown panic attack or nervous breakdown.  He wasn't sure which one it would be.  On the way back he stopped in Harris' office, looking around.  "No wonder someone claimed favoritism."

"I expanded it by magic."  He looked up.  "He safely somewhere he can crash his car?"

"Probably.  Death threats?"  Xander pointed at the pile of papers on his desk.  "Reports as well?"

"Including a few for Daniel from translations."  He got back to work.  Armand belched.  He looked under the table at him.  "Next time, don't eat the pillow."  His dragon went to curl up on one of the chairs.

"That's a nice couch, son."

"Thank you, General.  I got it back in Athens, before I met Si.  It was just polished wood then with a hide cover and a few throw pillows.  I had the padding made specially to not mar the wood."  He smiled.  "It's very comfortable and I've offered it to people I like for napping during emergencies.  Plus the recliner and other chair."

"That's fine.  I don't mind that.  What's qualinick?"

Xander looked up and smiled.  "Not that rare or hard to make actually.  It's like space plutonium."  He looked around and pointed.  "Green glass jar."  He went to look at it, taking it.  "I'd unseal it under a fume hood.  It's been sealed for a few thousand years."

"I can do that.  Will it radiate?"

"Nope.  No radiation."  He grinned.  "It's very handy.  I can use that lump there to take out about the same area as a nuclear device taking out six city blocks."

"Interesting.  How hard is it to make or find?"

"Fairly easy.  It's found naturally in a lot of asteroid dust."

"Good to know.  Anything else Colonel Carter might like to look at?"

"She knows she can come in and ask what things are."

"That's good enough then.  I'll handle the IOA.  Try to lay a bit lower."

Xander smiled.  "I hate Initiative people."

"I don't much blame you after I got into their files."  He left, going to hand that to the science department.  "Harris called it qualinick.  He said it's like space plutonium but doesn't radiate.  That amount there would make the same radius explosion as a nuke that took out six blocks.  He said it's probably got some fumes with how long it's been sealed."

"Sure," the chemist said with a smile.  "Thank you, sir."

"Welcome."  He went back to his office to call the president.  "Sir, I have death threats to my newest linguist from the IOA and some group called the Watchers Council who are known to kidnap young girls, turn them into guerilla fighters, and then not care that they're used as tools," he said.

"A lot of them are signed by the same person.  Quentin Travers."  He listened to what the president said on him.  "Exactly, sir, and my new linguist can make explosives.  Harris, yes.  Him.  Yes, he's from Sunnydale.  We just had words with an IOA rep that was from the Initiative.  He also said that their profiler got things wrong."  He leaned back, listening to him.

"Sir, we ran into a gou'ald he had slept with before he realized he was a gou'ald.  To be frank, sir, I've never seen one that whipped and begging to have someone back," he said dryly.  "Yes, we're trying to find him an effective team right now, sir.  Exactly.  That's fine.  He made them leave a site alone.  I'm very thankful the boy happened onto some sort of temporal technology."  He smirked at the muttered swearing about that.

"Can I leave this in your hands, sir?  Because he has threatened to turn all those skills of his onto them and he's looking forward to destroying them if they keep threatening him.  Of course I can.  I'll have it to you by tonight, sir.  Thank you."  He hung up and bundled up the kid's file, the new, more accurate profile, test scores - both physical and psychological, and the threats.  His liaison with the Pentagon was leaving later on.  He had no idea why the guy liked Harris but apparently they got along very well after their long talk so Xander could calm him down about possible future destruction.

***

"All right, Captain Stick-up-your-ass, let's try that move again," Xander said blandly, twirling his staff idly.  "C'mon.  You let a twenty-one-year-old civilian beat you.  C'mon.  Get up and wear the uniform, Captain.  They're looking at you to be on my team."

"No way in hell.  You're mean," he complained.

"I'm mean?"  He snorted.  "Please!  You could be training with Teal'c.  The last time I got knocked down, due to someone sparring with another person and getting shoved at us, he poked me hard until I got up.  I still have a few bruises from it.  You want him instead?"

The captain stared at him.  "Can I try him?  I'm not used to my opponents *bouncing* on me, sir."

"I've had caffeine.  I'm not that bouncy today.  Sure.  Cam, want to switch?  He thinks I'm mean."

"Sure, kid," he called.  He ducked Teal'c's blow with a grin.  "C'mon, Captain.  Do the uniform proud.  You just got knocked down and whined at a super geek linguist."

"I'm not a super geek," Xander complained.  "I just happened into the blippy."

"Super geeks get into trouble the same way you do.  They do incomprehensible things that most military guys just stare at in confusion the way you do.  They think odd thoughts the way you do.  They get into trouble like you do too.  Yes you are," Cam told him.

"If that's the criteria, I was a super geek with a D average in high school," he said dryly.  "After all, who else could get mermaid DNA and not change?"

"I should tell Doctor Lam that.  She thinks you're a cute kid," he teased.

"She's a sadist who likes poking me way too much," he said back sarcastically.  "If she liked me, she'd want to do other things than poke me with *needles*."  Cam burst out laughing.  "Though it's nice the nurses only giggle and blush when I flirt."  He twirled his staff.  "Ready?"  He attacked before Cam could agree.

The captain looked at Teal'c.  "Sir, we heard rumors that you had to beat the kid, survive a mission with him and bring him back intact, and then get his pet to like you to advance to colonel," he said quietly.  Xander cackled at that, nearly tripping over Cam, who was laughing too.  "Not true?"

"Xander is a warrior," Teal'c said, trying hard not to laugh himself.  "It is admirable for those who can beat him, but it is not mandatory to advance in rank.  Bringing him back intact is highly encouraged and his pet likes most everyone who is not mean to him, unless they're female and mean; then he tries to get her to flirt with him."

The captain looked at him.  "You're sure?"

"Very," Mitchell said, getting down to snickers.  "I got promoted before this but it's not mandatory.  The dragon likes you if you feed it or pet it, or sit for a long time so it can nap on you as long as you're not a xenobiologist or botanist.  Yeah, anyone going with him is expected to bring him back intact and hopefully not let him create spawn in another culture."

"I'm infertile!" Xander said proudly.

"Doesn't mean we're going to let those natives that flirt with you have you, kid."  He walked off shaking his head.  He had to share that rumor.  He told the general and Daniel when he ran into them in the hall, making the General cackle and Daniel laugh so hard he slid down a wall.

"I have to tell Jack that," Daniel said, going to email him.  The one he got back made him cackle again.

The Initiative weenie on my staff said that surviving Harris should come with a MoH commendation and a purple heart for all the mental disease he causes.  Good luck with that and finding him a team.  Jack.

Daniel shared that with everyone at dinner.  They all cackled at it.

"I'm not that bad," Xander pouted at them.  "I wouldn't mind having my own team so I'm not borrowing Daniel's leash holder."

"I don't need a leash on him.  General O'Neill trained him to follow vocal commands," Cam said sarcastically.  "Most of the time he gets the heel command very well as well as the return one.  Now and then we need a muzzle to stop the baiting problem he has or an invisible fence to keep him from getting lost in a library, but most of the time he's a well trained doggy."

"I'll bite you on the next trip," Daniel assured him.

"With our luck, the Ori will decide you're sleeping with him and start to shout at us again," Sam quipped, stuffing her mouth.

Xander looked at her.  "Am I ever going to get my own team to pick on?" he asked Cam.

"We're working on it, kid.  Give it a few more weeks.  You're still training for field work."

"I know."  He sighed, digging in again.  "Oh, Morticia and Gomez are coming along just fine."  They all stared at him.  "I got nursery clippings from a very pretty botanical gardens when I was blipped."

"Is Morticia a man-eating tentacle plant?" Cam guessed.  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Then what's Gomez?"

"He's like a venus flytrap but he puts out this really sweet smelling smoke that'll attract nearly everything.  It's very carnivorous and likes fingers a lot.  Well, he likes wood too.  Now and then I let him sharpen pencils because he doesn't like the graphite but he loves the wood."  He ate another bite.

Sam stared at him.  "Has botany seen them yet?"

"No.  Why?"

"They'd probably water them when you're on missions."

"If I left Armand, they'd probably try to take him and use him in experiments too," he said dryly.

"Well, they have discovered that the plants he likes to eliminate on are growing at a fantastic rate."

He shrugged.  "It's his diet."  She snickered at that.  The little thing ate nearly anything that wasn't metal.  "He's a growing baby."

Sam shook her head.  "I want to see them later, Xander."

"You know where my office is."

"Good point."  She finished dinner and went to check on them.  Armand woke up to meep at her.  "I'm looking at the plants, Armand, go back to your nap."  He put his head back down.  She looked at the man eating vine and watched as it came up to stroke her cheek.  "Hi to you too, friendly."  A sucker attached and she had to get it off because it was trying to eat her.  "Xander's bringing you meatballs."  She dodged another tentacle, going over to the other plant.  It let out a small puff of smoke so she smelled it.  It was wonderful smelling.  It enticed her to pet it, which let it have her fingers.  It bit, hard, making her yelp.  She stared at it.  "Oh, you're so dangerous," she said dryly, waving her hand.  She walked up to the infirmary.  "Doc, I need a few bandaids."

"What happened?" she asked, looking her over.  She wiped at the wet stuff on her cheek.  "What is this?"

"Xander's plants Morticia and Gomez are growing very well."  She held up her bitten fingers.

Doctor Lam sighed, sitting her down to clean off her cheek.  "He named them?"

"Yes."  She let her hand be bandaged.  It didn't really hurt.  "The plant must have a numbing feature.  It doesn't hurt.  The smoke is almost hypnotic.  That's how it got my fingers."

"The spot on your cheek?"

"Morticia wanted to pet me before eating me."

"Ah."  She got some alcohol and a few cotton balls to clean off that spot in case it was going to continue to eat her.  She went to get the head of botany to bring to Xander's office.  She liked the kid.  "Hi, Armand.  We want to see the plants," she told it, petting him.  The head of botany was staring at Morticia in awe.  At least until the tentacles tried to pull her in.  "Oh, no, you can't eat her.  We'd end up getting the one from Atlantis and McKay would put lye in your roots, Morticia.  Why am I talking to a plant?" she muttered as she got her coworker free.  They found Gomez on a table and sniffed.  Doctor Lam then had to bandage both their hands.  Xander came in while they were trying to get free.  He tapped the top of Gomez's bulb and he let them go.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Hi, Morticia.  I got chicken tonight."  He tossed her a few pieces.   One tentacle didn't come up so he checked it over.  "Oh, shoot, you did get bruised.  I'm sorry, baby.  But you'll grow a new one soon enough."  He snipped it off before it could infect other parts.  The head of botany snatched it.  He picked up that piece of chicken to put around the pot with a few more.  The rest he tossed at Gomez, who caught them all with more puffs of smoke.

"Do you have any other plant samples, Harris?" the head of botany asked.

"Yeah, why?  Mostly things like meditation herbs."

"Can I take a cutting of anything unusual?"

"Take the dry leaves at the back or he'll wither," he told her.  She did that and used a glass swab to get some of the 'spit' the plant was putting out.

"No poisons, right?" Doctor Lam asked him.

"Not out here.  It might bite me, Doc."  He pointed at a small cupboard door.  "A few in there."  They moved to look, seeing the large conservatory full of plants.  The head of botany climbed in and went to take all the cuttings she could.  "Try for dead leaves.  I can't replace most of those," Xander called.

"I am.  Are the orange flowers pickable?"

"No!  They'll wilt and kill the plant.  Use the silver sheers."

"I see them.  Thank you."  She noticed they all had cards with care instructions.  That helped her a lot.  She took pictures of each one and the card.  When she climbed out, Xander presented her with a little glassed in box with a tiny vine.  "What's that?"

"An air vine.  If it's released from here and put onto something like a ship, it'll suck all the air out of it."

She blinked a few times.  "Interesting."  She took it too.  She could safely scan that one before they had to kill it.  It clearly needed the warning sticker on the back not to release it outside of an emergency.  She started with the spare vine, finding the infected spot.  She opened it and puss came out.  As it did, the vine started to move.  She planted it and it was nice.  If she had to, she could hand train it to love her like the original had liked Xander.

Doctor Lam looked at Xander, shaking her head.  "Any other shocks?"

"I don't know," he said, grinning at her.  "What do you consider shocking, Doc?"  She groaned, walking off shaking her head and cradling her poor fingers.  He finished feeding his plants and closed the cupboard door, getting back to work.   Some days he really loved being on base, even if he did need laid so very badly that he was about to explode and let the plants do it for him.  There was that one in the cupboard.....  He had found a real, live function bush.  It was so cool.

***

Xander got beamed down, box, dragon, and bags.  "So I brought a hosting gift and a letter from Mitchell for you, Colonel."  He had to be Sheppard.  Cam had described him pretty well.  "I also have samples here for McKay and botany."

"Sure.  Harris, right?"  Xander beamed and nodded.  "That's fine.  Come this way, kid.  What's that?"

He looked.  "What?"

"The lizard," he said, staring at it.

"Armand.  He's my baby dragon."  He beamed.

"I heard about him, kid.  Come on."  He grabbed the box and let the kid get his bags and his pet.  One floated behind him.  "That's neat.  When did we get that?"

Xander looked then at him.  "It's not that hard.  Takes a lot of concentration.  Besides, that's samples; it's heavy."

"Good to know.  We can start in my office."

"Sure."  They walked up there.  "Armand, leave the nice Marines alone.  These ones don't know you yet.  You can meet them later."  The dragon hopped up the stairs after him, running past Woolsey.

"What is that?" he shouted.

"My baby dragon.  General Landry loves him, he purrs at him when he has a migraine," he called back.

John darkened the windows and shut the doors.  "Let's let him recover for now."

"Sure."  He sat down, putting down the bags beside him.  "I have those samples for botany, and one for him.  I have sixteen other books Sam Carter and Daniel wanted him to look at, plus the translation guide, and one other thing that I thought he might swear at me for giving him.  Plus I know you guys need chocolate so I made you brownies."

John smiled.  "They're always welcome."  He looked in the box.  A lot of brownies.  All right!  "McKay to my office," he called over the comm.  "You have samples."

Xander let the dragon hop up into his lap, staring at John.  "That's Colonel Sheppard.  Cam told you about him."  The dragon hopped up onto the desk and walked over to sniff him then belched in his face.  "Armand!"  The dragon nuzzled him, curling up around his neck.  "Sorry, he's a baby."

"It's okay.  Is he deadly?"

"Only to some of my ex's."

Rodney walked in and paused.  "I heard about that beast."

"He's very friendly but beaming upset his stomach," Xander said.  "You can pet Armand if you want, Doctor McKay."

He let it sniff him and got in a few good pets, getting purred back at.  "You are very friendly."  He looked at him.  "I heard you had books."

"From a pre-Furling society."  He dug them out, handing them over, a notebook on top.  "Inside the top one is a letter from her.  They're in the order to be read because they're school books.  Sam did say to warn you they use a math that is presently driving her nuts because it makes no sense in relation to human math."

"How bad?" John asked.

"They actually have a number for the square root of negative one."  John whimpered.  "Also, those are priceless and I can't get new copies."

"Have we authenticated them?"

"I got them from one of them."

"Oh."  He nodded.  "I suppose that's good enough then.  The samples?"  Xander pointed at the heavy case he had been floating.  "Radek!"  He came in.  "Samples."  They walked out together, Radek glancing back at the dragon.

"Armand, don't show off," he moaned.  "Please?"  The dragon meeped at John, getting a laugh and a pet.  "Fine.  So, I'm yours for the next three weeks and I made sure the botanists would take care of my plants, Daniel would not steal all my books, and no one would touch my weapons.  I'm told you guys have a database and a few other things I might help with.  Do I have a room and where do you want me to start?"

"First, did Cam send your file up?"

"No.  But he did say he wanted me to spar with someone named Teyla and Ronon to see if I could beat them since I'm consistently tying or just barely being beaten by Teal'c now."

"Good to know," he decided.  "We can arrange that.  She uses bantos sticks."

"Cool.  Are those like kendo sticks?"

"Something like it."

"Decent.  I'm not great in that form but I'm willing to learn."

"Good.  Don't date while you're up here."

"Damn.  It's three weeks!  What if I find a willing marine or someone?"

"Then you can go for it.  Don't date any natives while you're here."

"I'm infertile."

"I don't care.  Please don't."

"Fine.  I can agree to that.  Can I have my baby dragon back?"  He handed him back.  "Thanks.  It's not nice for you to suck up to others," he told him.  Armand belched and got comfortable on his lap.  "Fine.  Beaming upset your stomach."

"We can get him some pepto."

"I do not want to clean up the pink foam puke of doom.  Please?" he begged.

"Crackers?"

"He'll eat anything that's not metal.  I'll feed him in a while."

"Okay.  I can accept that.  Let's get you into your quarters and then I'll let Rodney show you the database problems we're having."

"That'll work.  I can leave him on my bed for now."  John nodded and helped him carry things down to his room.  Xander got three things and left Armand there, following him back to the labs.  "Wow, you guys have windows."  Rodney snickered at that, shaking his head.  "I'm on level three thousand and something of hell," he said dryly.  "I'd have to get permission to make windows.  Since one of the possible members of my team just decided he wanted to a priest after two gou'ald tried to hit on me the general probably won't grant it right now."

"No, probably not," John agreed.  "One linguist.  Doctor Radek Zalenka, Doctor Midori Ishi, and a few others you'll probably hear Rodney yell at soon.  This is Civilian Specialist Harris, our linguist."

"Not a doctor?" Radek asked, shaking his hand.

"I hate classrooms."  He smiled and shook the other person's hand.  "Hi."

"Welcome to Atlantis."

"Thank you.  It's pretty up here.  I miss the ocean sometimes."  He looked at Rodney.  "Did I include notes on the ones that came from my office?"

"I did see notecards, yes."  He looked at him.  "How fluent are you in Ancient?"

"I speak it but I learned the Greek Pantheon's version.  Some of it's slightly different based on regional words."

Rodney blinked.  "Interesting.  Sit there and log him in, John."  John got the boy logged in.  "We need this section translated."

Xander glanced it over.  "It's in math babble.  I'll have to do it straight word-for-word."

"That's fine.  I don't expect you to understand it."

Xander looked at him.  "It took me a while to get math but I did learn ours and that one," he said with a nod at the books.  "I may not understand physics all that well but I can use it practically.  Especially when it comes to tactics and weapons."

"That would be on energy flows," he said smugly.

"Ehh.  Fine."  He got to work.  "How far down do you want me to go?"

"Anything you can on that subject," he ordered.

"Want me to print it and work on it in my rooms?"

"We're not short of paper."

"There's over six thousand pages based on the search criteria on power flows."  He stuck in a USB key drive he had modified to his specification.  It downloaded them all.  "Let me go work.  Check on me around dinner."  He left, going back to his room.

Rodney gaped in horror at the kid's back.  "He's pushy."

"You pushed first," John told him, giving him a look.

"Clearly he shouldn't be in the same category I am."  He turned back.

"I don't know why not since he brought six gou'ald to drooling and begging on their knees," he said bluntly.  Rodney gave him a horrified look.  "He chatted back at a Prior teaching the Book of Origin to ask him technical questions under the guise of wanting to convert.  The prior got very frustrated and nearly converted to paganism I'm told."  Rodney let out a small whimper.  "I think he's tired from the trip.  His dragon too since it was napping on my neck.  Now, anything we can use?"

"I think so.  I'm hoping so."  He got into it.  "What was in the box on your desk?"

"He brought me a hosting gift," he said dryly.

"Of?" Radek asked.  "More samples?"

"Brownies."  He walked off looking smug.

"We'll raid that box later," Rodney assured him.  "Since we're actually doing the hosting."  His second-in-command smiled at that.  They all needed chocolate on Atlantis.

***

Xander looked up when someone coughed from behind him.  "I didn't know dragons answered the door.  Usually he bites anyone who comes in."

"He loves me," Sheppard said dryly.  "How's it coming?"

"I've got the first six of the searched pages done.  Including the original he gave me."  He showed him the laptop.  "Some of the later search terms looked more promising by what Sam Carter told me he needed."

"It might be.  How long will it take you to do the rest?"

"Probably by the end of the week.  There's over six thousand pages and about half of it I already know what it'll say.  There's a lot of restating.  Also, this place," he said with a point.  "Do we know what it is?"

John looked then shrugged.  "We've found a few but they're all stripped."

"Okay.  So it's something to think about.  I'll see if I can get a list of it out of there."

"Cool.  C'mon, dinner.  You can even bring the dragon."

"He's probably already off making friends since I didn't let him out earlier," he said dryly.  "If his stomach makes a mess, I'll clean it up."

"Thanks, kid."  He walked him and his laptop to the dining hall.  They got food and went to sit with the rest of the team.

"Did you get anything done?" Rodney demanded.

"Your original that said basically jack shit, and a few other things.  It'll take me to the end of the week to finish all the searched pages under power and energy."  Rodney gaped.  "There's a few that look more promising by what Sam said you were looking for.  The original says nothing."  He let him see it.

Rodney read it over, grimacing.  "You're right.  I was hoping for better.  What's this part that you didn't do?"

"The diagram and math equation."

"That's fine."  He handed it back after going through the other windows.  "Only a week?"

"I read Ancient fairly well," he admitted.  "Plus I'm leaving it in word order.  If you want to rearrange it, that's up to you.  Sometimes, depending on which area it was, the word order was more important than others."

"We've run into that before," Rodney admitted.

"It mentions some sites that might be helpful.  I'll see if I can pull up a list of places with them to make sure you've gotten all of them."

"That's fine," he agreed.  His lap was invaded by a huffy little thing.  "What?"

"His stomach's still upset," Xander admitted.  He took his dragon back.  "Here, cuddle me to feel better.  Tomorrow you can go make new friends."  He settled in to stare at someone and growl.  Xander looked.  "Huh.  How in the hell did you guys get a gou'ald up here?"

"We did?" John demanded.  "Point him out."

"Armand, find John the snake belly."  He put him down.  "Go pounce the snake belly like SiSi."  The dragon looked at him.  "Well, go."  He pointed.  The dragon sniffed and growled at two people but pounced another one, purring at him.  "No, not pick out someone for me to flirt with.  The other reason you growled at him."  The dragon steamed and got down, going to nip someone until they yelped and then nuzzled another's butt hanging over the edge of the seat until it shifted and he could bite the other side.

John smiled.  "Doc?" he called.

"I saw.  What am I looking for?"

Armand crawled up on and stared at him then sniffed his stomach, pawing at it.  The airman yelped and tried to get away but Armand threw up on him.  Then he belched a few times and looked at the other one before going to curl up on daddy's lap again.

"That's ruined my appetite," one Marine said, dropping his fork.  "Doc, need help carting him off to clean him up?"

"Yes, and to check for gou'ald," she said dryly.  "You too," she told the other one.  He nodded, following to help her.  She came back to look at the dragon then at him.  "Pepto?"

"Pink foam of doom puke?  No thanks."

"Rolaids?"

"Maybe.  Beaming's bad for his tummy.  I was going to try some grains later.  He likes bread."  She got him some and handed it over.  He smiled.  "Thank you.  You're nicer than Doctor Lam.  She keeps trying to poke me."  She blushed but walked off giggling.  He held up a piece of bread.  "Hungry again?"  It took it to nibble on, humming in displeasure, but ate it.  "If your stomach wasn't upset I'd feed you something else.  Until then, eat."  It finished the bread and decided to sleep on the railing of the balcony.  It was sunny there.  Xander dug back into his own food.

Ronon walked past the dragon without wondering and sat down to inhale his food.  He grunted at the new person.  "New soldier?"

"Linguist.  I was sent to help by translating some of the database."

Ronon nodded.  "Boot camp then."

"No, I'm only here temporarily and I've had Colonel Mitchell snickering over me many times," he said dryly.  "But he did say he wanted you to spar with me if you're Ronon."  He nodded, staring at him.  He smiled.  "I've had some training."  He frowned when he saw the snout over his shoulder.  "What are you doing, Armand?"  The dragon huffed and batted at a dreadlock.  "No, you leave his hair alone.  Sorry, he's a very inquisitive dragon with an upset tummy."  He handed him some bread.  "Can you feed him that before he pukes again?"  Ronon handed back the piece of bread.  The dragon snatched it from his shoulder and went back to examining his hair.  He nosed under a few pieces, patting a few.  Steamed one.  He pawed at them but they didn't come off.  He finally decided to curl up underneath them around Ronon's neck.  "Armand!  If you can't behave I'll have to leave you in the room," he complained.

"He's comfortable," Ronon said.  "Pets are a sanity saver most of the time."  He stuffed his mouth.

"Sometimes.  Not always."  He heard the growl when someone came near them.  "No."

"She's not mean enough for him," Rodney told the dragon.  "She's much too nice and sweet."  The dragon huffed and went back to hiding.

"What is that?" she asked.

"He's Armand and he's my baby dragon," Xander said with a smile.

"They let you have a pet?"

"And swords."  She stared at him strangely.  "Yes, they're pampering me because I can tell some members of the IOA to fuck off since they sent me a death threat again."

"Oh.  I see."  She backed off.  "Has it been cleared to be around people?"

"He's been around people since he hatched, lady.  Get away from my dragon before *I* bite you."  She huffed off.  He shook his head, looking at Rodney.  "Did you find her in the TSA?"

"Probably," he admitted.  "Or Customs."  He dug into his dessert, shaking his head.

Woolsey stomped in.  "Who told you you could bring that creature up here?" he demanded.

"Generals O'Neill and Landry."  The man gaped.  "By the way, you have absolutely no authority over anything I do, Mr. Woolsey.  The IOA does *not* own me and I'm only a subcontractor for the SG base.  For that matter, certain members of your board are in deep shit for sending me death threats again.   Touch my dragon, watch me bite."  He backed up at that.  "Yes, he's been around people his whole life.  Which is a lot longer than you think."

"He's clearly sick," she sneered.

"Yeah, beaming did it to him.  It gave him acid reflux."  She sneered.  He stood up and moved closer.  "Beyond that, lady, he's smarter than you are.  They actually found an IQ on him and he rated very intelligent, including in people sense.  Now, back the hell down."

"Now see here," Woolsey started.

Xander stared at him.  "What part of the IOA doesn't own me didn't you hear?" he asked.  "The only one who has a right to say jack shit to me is Colonel Sheppard.  Or Doctor McKay.  I'm a *civilian specialist*.  Not military, not a hired PhD.  Not yours.  He travels with me because he helps protect me from those things that want to date me."  He sneered at the idiot scientist.

"Enough," Rodney said.  "I say the dragon stays as long as he's on good behavior.  The base's biology department has done extensive scans of him.  He's very good usually.  He's gone on missions even.  A lot of beings like him as an emissary.  Harris has travel lag and so does his pet.  Leave them alone."  He looked at Xander.  "Who on the IOA keeps threatening you?"

"Travers and his lackeys.  I had the misfortune to run into their people in high school by helping save her life a few dozen times."  Rodney gaped, staring at him.  He smiled sweetly.  "So, yeah, I kinda don't need the boot camp."

"I heard about them," he said bluntly.

"I lived there."

"Oh, dear."

"Yeah, basically."  He shrugged.  "Travers actually has a small contract out on my life.  Since the blippy thing incident it was the SG or UNIT."  He shrugged.  "I like you guys better."  He stared at Woolsey.  "You could have been more calm and I wouldn't be so reactive.  I'm very nice if you are to me.  If you're going to bitch me out, I can turn into the biggest diva there is."

"Your sort isn't allowed in the military."

"I'm not military."  He shrugged.  "And O'Neill knew I was bi when I signed on."  He stomped off.  "Bye now," he said with a wave.  He growled at her, making her run after him.  "Oh, god, she's probably sleeping with him.  They might have socially retarded babies."  He sat back down.  "I'm sorry," he told John.  "But I'm no one's bitch and I've been surrounded by girls most of my life.  I'm not putting up with ManMS either."

"No, I wouldn't have either.  Travers is which one?"

"The idiot Brit," Rodney said with a sneer.

"Yup, him.  I had no idea doing CPR was going to cause him so much heartburn."  He ate a bite of dinner while Rodney choked.  He finally looked at him.  "So I take it you *heard*?"

"My sister used to do some freelance work for them," he gasped and wheezed.  The dragon pounced, cooing at him.  He patted him then handed him back to his father, taking his water to gulp.  He looked at him.  "You're that Xander?" he asked once he could breathe.

Xander beamed and nodded.  "Yup."

"Crap."

"Basically.  Travers will shit in public before he gets me."  He gave him a dry look, making Rodney burst out laughing.  "By the way, I did put that note not to put the electrical current to the small silver thing in the green jar?"

"Yes, I did see that warning.   How...."  He waved a hand.

"Blippy dohickey."

"From?"

"Um.... a good few eons away."

"Oh, dear."

Xander beamed.  "Exactly.  And I set it off by accident.  So anyway, here I am."  He looked at the MP's walking in.  "Touch him and die."  He finished his dinner.  "I'm going back to my room."  He took his computer, putting his dragon under his arm.  One got in his way.  He stomped on his foot, making him yelp and hop off.  "You never expect the simple attacks.  What did you expect me to do, turn into Bruce Lee with my hands full?"  He walked off shaking his head.  "Hi, Caldwell."

"Harris.  Armand."  The dragon belched.  "Still?"

"Yeah.  We just fed him some bread.  He only needs to rest some.  Someone got huffy though."  He gave him a dirty look.  "I think it came as a shock that I'm not under IOA review."

He smirked.  "I know why.  I've already told Woolsey why."

"You know, with the way she's got her nose up his ass, someday she'll have socially retarded babies from him."  Caldwell laughed at that.  "Let me go back to my room unless they're kicking me off the base."

"No, they're not.  Landry said to stay here until they can send Anya away again."

"Oooh, I'm sorry for them."

"Mitchell's on a mission.  Teal'c got her."  Xander snickered all the way back to his rooms.  "Stand down," he told the MP's.  "Don't touch the kid either."  He walked back to the control room and to Woolsey's office.

"You're taking him back with you."

"No I'm not.  General Landry said he's to stay here until my next run."  Woolsey glared at him.  "For that matter, you don't have a say in anything that the boy does.  He's exempt from the IOA rules because he's not covered.  He's not a doctor.  He's not a soldier.  He's a conscripted volunteer we pay."  Woolsey slumped at that, shaking his head.  "Secondly, the kid's decent.  If you don't put his back up, he's a joking, goofy little kid who flirts.  His dragon loves everyone but the beaming is not good for his system.  He was starting to get settled down halfway here.  It basically gives him regurge."

"I saw that on the airman he threw up on."

"Yeah, the gou'ald?  He's already in my brig."  Woolsey stared at him.  He stared back.  "The dragon can tell them.  The Asgard love him too.  I've never seen one of them play with anything but Armand had them playing fetch."  Woolsey cracked a smile.  "He'll be decent if you are.  If you put his back up, he's used to combat.  A little too used to combat, and he will bite.  He bit one of the women on the ship that tried to get him to bed her and she ended up confessing to how she tortured someone a few years back."

"Oh, dear."

"Yup."  He smirked.  "The main base loves the dragon.  He drove off a few gou'alds from some sites.  He scared the crap out of a prior.  He likes to pick up people for the kid to flirt with."

"He was fascinated by Ronon's dreadlocks," John said from behind him.  "Why the hiatus order?"

"They wanted him off base.  He doesn't go off base outside of some minor shopping," Caldwell said.  "That and his ex girlfriend Anya showed up to demand they give him back, very loudly, because she was missing sex."

"I noticed he was happy there was light."

"He's usually in his office.  He's picked up bad habits off Jackson.  Landry said to keep him until my next run.  It'll take that long to make his ex go away and leave the whole base and city alone.   This is his vacation."

"I can understand that.  Anything on how he does on missions if we need him to woo some nice folks?"

"Yeah, he'll flirt."  John smiled at that, shaking his head slightly.  "They mostly like the kid.  He's sweet, goofy, nice.  They like the fact he travels with his pet.  It makes him look less dangerous, even if he is carrying an arsenal.  By the way, one of his bags has soda.  Let him have it.  He's very bouncy when he doesn't have caffeine.  He's fairly heavily ADD too."

"I heard that from Mitchell."

"That was the other reason they had to evacuate him.  The Ori prophetess Adria decided she wanted to meet him.  Considering he made a few gou'ald walk off pouting, including the ex he had that he hadn't realized was snaked when he took up with him, we're not sure if that's a good idea or not."

"When did he take up with one of those?"

"As he put it, when he was blipped.  During the *first* war."

"Oh, shit," John said, straightening up.  Caldwell nodded.  "Soooooo...."

"Apparently he didn't know for a bit.  When he found out apparently there was the mother of all domestic disputes.  Which he won again when the idiot showed up on the base to try to take over after taking down a research site.  He made him huff off in a sulk.  He said even if he took him back, he'd take over and make his own empire.  Also, if you can and you want and he finds someone, go for it.  The kid has the libido of a fourteen-year-old in a Hustler outlet."

John snickered.  "I've heard from Mitchell on that one too."

"They all adore him and want him back," he said dryly.  "Let him make more friends and see if McKay can figure out a way to calm Armand's stomach down for the trip back.  Do *not* give him pepto.  We tried that.  It took us seven hours to clean up the pink foam that was eating through deck plates."

John walked off laughing.  "Sure, I'll get him and Keller on that."

"Thank you."  He looked at Woolsey again.  "The kid actually speaks Ancient.  He's also a fairly strong ATA carrier but we have it slightly blocked right now with an inhibitor.   Apparently they had something on base activate when he was four floors away and muttering about his computer malfunctioning."

"Thank you for that small mercy."

"Leave the kid alone and get to know him.  Have her go jump in the ocean.  He's right, if she gets further up your ass, she'll get knocked up."  He walked off to finish the unloading process.

Woolsey deleted his former emails back to the IOA about the boy.  Why didn't they have authority over him?  They had authority over all SG personnel.  Though, if he was conscripted, he wasn't personnel.  Which meant that he had happened onto something that was too big to hide.  "Probably that thing he calls blipped," he decided.  He stopped the xenobiologist when she came back to complain.  "I have checked, he has full authority to have the dragon.  Apparently the regurge problem is from the beaming.   Colonel Caldwell said it was slowly dissipating on the way here."

"We have no idea how it'll react to the local fauna."

"I doubt he'll let you give him samples," he said dryly.  "Also, according to what I've heard about it, it can eat nearly anything but metal."  She slumped.  "They have scans on the main base I'm sure.  You can write and ask them about it.  Leave Harris alone."

"He shouldn't be here!  He's not a scientist."

"No, he's a linguist.  He knows Ancient as well as he does English."  She slumped again.  "Leave the kid alone!  He's one of their top diplomats and all the people there love the little beast too from what Caldwell shared."

"Fine."  She stomped off.  She'd be watching it.  There was no way that creature was natural.  When she spotted the kid without his *pet* she moved to his room to get the little thing for some testing.  She touched the door and fell down asleep.

Xander walked the glass box carefully into the dining hall.  He got a soda and sat down, carefully putting it in front of John.  "This is best served up here."

"What is it?  It's very tiny."

"It is an air vine.  As in you open that on a ship and within a few hours there's no air on it."   John looked horrified.  Xander stared.  "That's why it's kept in there and Caldwell had it locked in a very secure, airtight vault on the trip up."  He sipped his soda.

"Where did you get it?" he asked.

"I found a few in different places," he admitted.  "It cannot go through a stargate but it can be beamed.  A stargate will crack the casing unless you can find something that's warp-proof to put around it."

"That two hour estimate is on a ship of what size?" Rodney asked, taking it to look at.  "Crystal?"

"Yes.  It was the only practical thing I could think of when I took the sample.  Unfortunately the gate's destroying you to send you part destroys the crystal a bit too much.  The people on base cracked it and it took over a full lab within two and a half minutes.  That two hours was on something the size of the Enterprise."  Rodney moaned.  "It can be killed with fire.  That's a cutting off the one they opened.  There's nineteen others on the main base."

John nodded.  "I might be able to use that."

"It's damn handy as a last resort to wiping them all out.  It also has small spines that like to stick to things like people."

"Where would you put it on a ship?" John asked.

"Air vents.  That way it'll grow all over the ship but be contained.  Unseen most usually and that's where it'll get more oxygen."

"How long after it's freed does it die?" Rodney asked.

"It doesn't.  It can live without air.  It'll get it instead from rusting the metal around it or any bodies it runs into."

"So theoretically there may be a few of these floating in space somewhere?" Rodney asked.

"I think it's possible but it does breed like ivy on a planet I've been to.  There they use it on wedding wreathes to promote protection of the family.  There it's nearly holy, which was why I was only allowed a cutting."

"Does it have a maximum growth?" Rodney asked.

"No.  As long as there's oxygen in the air, it'll grow.  It'll stop when it's eaten it all."

"Does it return CO2?" he asked.

"No.  No exhalation that the botanists on base could find."

"I'll write them for what they found," he said.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  I'd write Doctor Blair.  She's still on bedrest from the broken leg it gave her.  She's likely bored and willing to complain about it.  Doctor Kondara is presently feeding Morticia and Gomez for me, plus the other samples I have and my herb garden."

"Morticia and Gomez?" John asked.

"I heard about them," Rodney said with a smirk.  "One's a man eating tentacle vine and the other's a strange version of a flytrap like plant.  It likes to eat fingers but it gives off hypnotic smoke that makes you want to feed it."  Xander smiled and nodded.

"What do they eat?" John asked.

"Whatever I bring back from the mess."

"Good to know."

"Sam's probably still working on one finger to get rid of all the numbing venom Gomez gave her when it bit her about a month ago.  She has no feeling in the pad of that finger.  Doctor Lam got all of hers back and so did the other.  They think they know why so they're working on hers."

"Definitely offensive herbology," Rodney said dryly.

"Yup, makes people swear all the time," he quipped back with a smile.  "I consider it like my personal herbal pokemon collection.  I choose you to grow and defeat my enemies."  They all cracked at that.  He smiled.  "Anyway.  You might be able to plant that.  Generally if it's planted immediately upon release, or before release and then released into the ground, it's a lot more tame.  It grows like ivy on a hillside.  For the crowns, they kept the roots on."

"We know a few uninhabited planets we might put a small one on," he admitted.  "Fire will kill it?"

"Yes.  They tried staff weapon fire and zat fire and it only soaked it up and glowed for a minute."  He stood up.  "Let me go back to babying his regurge.  I'll see you guys tomorrow."  He left.  When he got back to his room and found her on the floor he stepped over her and went in, locking the door behind himself.  It released the spell and let her wake up.  He curled up around his poor baby.  Armand belched but snuggled against his stomach.  It was nice of him.

***

Xander watched the sparring.  "Just pounce already," he complained to one Marine.

"Pounce?" he asked.

"Yeah, pounce.  Like tigger or tackle.  If you do it right, you have your weapons, you're on top after knocking the wind out of them, and they dropped their weapons.  It'll let you smirk, sneer, or whatever you want to do or gives your teammates time to tie them up for you."  He moved him and pounced, showing him.  The other Marine made a nice oof as he dropped his weapons.  Xander stood up to look at him.  "See?"

"I do but it's not usually called for."

"It can be handy.  A lot of you guys miss the obvious and weaker attacks because you don't think they'll work.  Like last night, stomping on a foot has some effect.  Especially if you can break bones."

"He's right," Ronon agreed.  "It's not one I often use, but it can be of good use when you're that close together and need to back up to take a strike."  He looked at the boy.  "What else could you have used that would not leave you as open to a counter move?"

"Foot sweep.  In that fight's case I would've went for a throat blow because he wasn't guarding it or his thigh.  Striking against the right shoulder that was left open all too often would've provided a minor pain but no injury to let you win."

"I would have done those," he agreed.  "It is your turn."

"Yay," he said with a smirk.  He took the Marine's sticks.  "Guys, I'm an all over fighter."  They gave them more room.  He weighted the sticks.  "Not much different than kendo sticks.  Bit shorter."  He swung them.  "I can improvise."  Ronon attacked and he blocked, taking a blow to the side of his arm as he turned but managed to get Ronon's lower stomach.  They moved back and forth.  Ronon nearly pinned him to a wall.   Xander pulled out a dagger and realized it, tossing it aside.

"That would have given you an edge," Ronon said.

"I'm learning this form.  I'll incorporate other styles later."  He ducked a blow, got Ronon on the ear as he turned aside another fake out move.   He smiled at the grunt of pain, moving in to go like he would against Teal'c.  Who said fighting vampires wasn't applicable to other fights?

"Hold it," John ordered.   He mentally commanded the city to start taping this fight.

Xander ducked a blow and blocked one, looking at him.  "What?"

"Disarm, both of you.  I want to see him beat you with just the sticks and hand-to-hand."  Xander nodded, walking over to put things down beside his baby dragon.  He also left his t-shirt.  Just his BDU pants riding a bit low since he had left his belt there.  John stared.  "Barefoot too.  I know Ronon has at least one dagger in his boot."

"I usually forget it's there," Ronon admitted.  They stripped those off.  A few Marines got away from their boots but oh well.  "Clear the area again," he ordered.  Xander grinned.   "You're a good challenge.  It's a nice change."

"I love helping Teal'c whip the new kids.  It's satisfying to watch Marines go 'he's mean' to Teal'c about me."

John laughed.  "I heard about that one who asked about advancement."

"He's on the ship after taking telemetry courses."  He looked at Ronon, gauging how tired he was.  Then he attacked with a small shrug.  Ronon grunted.

"Go for real," John ordered from his safer spot.  "Speed or slowness and all.  TKO or pinned, no killing moves."  They both nodded to accept those terms.  They went all out, getting sweaty and tired.  Xander was panting when he lost a stick but he did a perfect heel strike to Ronon's ribs and back flipped to his fallen stick, wiping his hands off on his pants before grabbing it again.  Ronon had followed but he was just as sweaty and panting.

Xander felt himself slipping.  "Crap.  Um, really don't mean to hurt you, big guy."  Ronon looked at him oddly, taking a blow and blocking another.  "Battle nerves."  Ronon backed off, bowing to him.  Xander bowed back then fell down.  He was breathing hard, trying to control the urges.

John came over, squatting down.  "What happened?" he asked quietly.

Xander looked up at him.  "Battle training 202.  When you've reached the end of your energy, where do you go?" he asked quietly.

"Into a battle rage," he sighed.  "Good to know, kid.  Good job too."  He helped him up.  "Stretch to cool down."

"Permission to swim?"

"I have no idea how you'd get back up onto a pier."

"I'll keep a tether line."

"Granted then."  John watched him walk out.  He was really shaky so he wouldn't be in there too long.  He looked at Ronon.  "Good job."

"He's well trained.  I was trying not to reach for that last reserve as well."  He handed over the sticks.   "Let me shower."

John nodded.  "Go for it."  He let him go, telling the tape to stop running.  He looked at the horrified marines.  "Harris has some training from multiple sources.  He's right, at the end of your stamina you give up or you reach for that touch of rage everyone has and use it instead."

"But he's a geek," one said.  "One of the science patrol."

"Yeah, but he was in combat before then," John told him.  "Light, protecting other kids, combat.  It's why he took lessons and probably why now and then he went into helpless mode and earned his keep in other ways so no one would suspect he was dangerous.  Beyond that, he's not a doctor, not a PhD.  He's a linguist but not a scientist."

"That's probably why he joined the program," one said.  "To use his skills and to protect him from the things like his exs that we heard he had."

"It's possible," John admitted.  "I think he showed he was too smart and they didn't give him much choice but I'm not sure if exposing his brains was intentional."  He shrugged.   That was an interesting thought.  Why expose himself knowing that they'd come for him?  He'd have to ask the kid that.  "Class dismissed, go to team practices."  The did that.  He gathered the discarded things, including the dragon, putting them in the right rooms.  He saw the sleeping botanist on the floor, touching his comm.  "Doctor Keller to hallway B-7."  He put things on Xander's bed and closed the door behind him.  She came up, looking confused.  He pointed.

"Is she unconscious?"

"I hope not since it looks like she's dreaming."  He shrugged.  "That's why I called."  He went outside to check on where the kid was.  He was still doing laps.  He stared at him.  He was pretty slow.  "Just float for a bit," he called.  "Before we have to haul you up."  He sat down to watch over him.  Cam had made him take responsibility for the kid.  He'd be dead and a pile of dust from a zat if he let the kid drown.  The kid finally gave up and climbed up the line, letting John help the last few feet.  "Feel better?"

"Calmer definitely.  Thanks, man, I needed that."

"Not a problem.  There's plenty of us who have done the same thing off one of the lower piers."

"This is a better dive."

"True."  He smiled, walking him back to his room.  "So, the unconscious annoying scientist that I found?"

"Sleep spell if someone takes Armand or tries to.  It saves me from beating someone who takes the only kid I'll probably ever have."

"Why are you sterile?  Radiation?"

"No, a few years back I was exposed to some chemical DNA cocktails thanks to a coach at school.  I'm not really compatible anymore from what someone told me."

"I'd have that checked out before a lot of allies have little brown eyed, bouncy kids."

"I don't think it'd happen.  I'm always condom boy because you never know what sort of funky VD they might have."

"Which is wise of you," he agreed.  He let him into his room.  "There, go rest.  Finish more of the translation when you get up."  Xander nodded, going in to nap beside his pet.  John locked the door for him and walked off.  He went to the lab.  "Rodney."  He glanced up then went back to whatever he was doing.  "Did you or Keller get anything from Doctor Lam about him being exposed to a DNA cocktail a few years back?" he asked quietly.

"No, I haven't.  He was?" he asked, stopping work to look at him.  "When?"

"High school."

"An illegal experiment?"

"Apparently by a coach in his high school."

"I'll check with Doctor Keller.  If not, we do have the geneticists here."

"Please.   He's got 'my pet is my baby syndrome' too."

"That might explain someone's sudden nap," he said dryly.  "Did he gas her?"

"No.  He said it was a sleep spell."

"Magic isn't real," he said dryly.

"I'll let you two argue that out," he said, walking off.  He wrote Mitchell an email about the sparring match and attached the film to it.  It had been impressive.

***

Rodney walked up to where the boy was working on a public balcony.  "Magic isn't real," he said bluntly.  Xander held out a hand and created a light.  "Excuse me, how did you do that?"  He snatched the laptop.

"Hey, specially fixed!" he complained, taking it back and putting it aside carefully.  He decreated it and then recreated it.  "Imagination and concentration plus an access to power flows."  The wall behind him sprouted a long tube that he let get near the light.  It blinked then disappeared.  He smiled at Rodney.  "I'm not sure if that was good or not."  He made it disappear again.  "It also helps that I was born and raised on a peculiar spot of energy radiation."

"All radiation is energy," he said, starting to squint.

"Ah, but there's *power* and there's energy.  I'm not talking half-life radiation.  There's a spatial rip in my town," he said quietly.

"Oh, dear lord.  That hole those cranks talked about."

"Yeah, I was born very near it, raised near it, went to school overtop of it, researched right on top of it, fought it's pretty toys, all that."  He shrugged.  "Which is why the council hates me for jumping into what they considered their battle, and why not a whole lot makes me do more than go 'huh' and shrug."

"This...taint?"

"Mermaid," he mouthed.

"Why?" he moaned.

"Unwinning swim coach.  They detoxed me as best they knew how.  Otherwise I'd be black, slimy, and swimming around trying to eat people and fish."

"I think you've given me a migraine," he complained, rubbing his forehead.  Xander held up the dragon, letting him pet him.  "Thank you, that's very helpful."  The dragon purred and climbed over onto his shoulder to purr in his ear, making him relax.  "Okay, maybe you are helpful."  He petted him gently then looked at the boy.  "Doctor Keller got told."

"This is why Doctor Lam likes to poke me so much," he said dryly.

"Ours is just as much a vampire."

"No, if she was, I'd dust her," he said dryly, making Rodney look so confused.  "Bad habits of my high school years."

"Quit before my head hurts worse," he said.  Xander nodded.  "Also, I want to know, personally, about this...blipped thing."

Xander quirked an eyebrow up.  "It was a temporal displacement machine," he said quietly.

"That explains how you have a gou'ald as a former lover," he said dryly.

"And a Caesar."

"What?" he demanded.

"Octi was very good to me.  He even had to steal me back a few times from a few Councilors and the Germans once."

"How do you do such things?  Do you set out to screw up the current world order?" he asked blandly.

"No, but someone did tell me I'm the butterfly in the chaos theory.  It took me *years* to have that explained so I understood it.  I still don't get philosophy."

"Are you insane?" he asked.

"No.  I'm more a probability negator or generator according to what I've been told.  In the phrase 'that could only happen to one person, ever, and it'd be a long shot' I'm that one person."

"Clearly."  He stared at the boy, who only stared back.  "We have a way of downloading memories," he said finally.

"Which'll suck if you pick up any from the guy that wore the bracelet before I did like I did."

"I can censor those out," he said.  "I want to know exactly what you did."  He stared at him. "Then I'm going to administer tests so we know what you can do in the sciences in case they post you up here permanently."

"If I do that will you tell the General I was good so he'll let me try the flight simulator?"

"You'll need it to understand how the chair works since you're strong enough to operate it," Rodney said.  "Definitely.  I'll have Sheppard nag him since so far they're the only two strong enough to call up the weapons and things."  The boy got up and did a dance.  "Oh, dear lord, you Snoopy Dance," he said.  Xander beamed at him.  "Fine.  Come."

"On command without foreplay?  I'll at least need a minute to psych myself up, Doctor McKay."

McKay smirked at him.  "You're much too hyper for me.  I'd end up tying you down to correct that."

"Bondage can be fun now and then."  He grabbed his laptop and shut it down, taking it to the infirmary with him.  "Hi, Doctor Keller.  Mean Uncle Rodney said that you're going to do the pokey things with me.  Should I start telling him if you bad touch?"  He hopped up onto a bed.  She stared at him in open-mouthed horror.  He grinned.

"You complete asshole," she said, shaking her head.  "No, if I touch you that way it'll be an act of God."

"Well, there is that one place that considers me one because I told them how to plant better," he offered with a smirk.  Rodney smirked and smacked him on the head.  "Ow!"

"Shut up, Xander."  Xander snickered.  "Behave or I'll wait a few days before I tell the good colonel that you need tutoring in the chair."

"Yes, Colonel Klink," he said in a bad German accent.  Rodney walked off shaking his head the whole way to the office.  He looked at the doctor, giving her a little boy look and a shy grin.  "Must we do the bad pokey game?  Really?"

"Yes, we must.  Blood DNA is done faster."

"Damn."

"Only for some of those jokes," she shot back.

"No, if I'm damned I have more sins than that one," he said dryly.  "He said you were going to download my memories of my blippy time too."

She called him to confirm that.  He told her why.  She groaned but did pull out that machine for Rodney.  "We can do that," she assured him.  "You can work during it."

"Cool.  You know, when I sent back the blippy thing I had been given I erased most of the memories in it, leaving a few select ones."  She stared at him.  He smiled.   "He didn't need to know how much sex I got."

"I don't either but apparently McKay does."  She pulled out a needle and some test tubes.  "Anything I should know?"

"They gave me a gene inhibitor so I couldn't turn on anything because something in the lab a few floors away got turned on when I was muttering at the SG crap desktop computer they gave me."

"Did they say when it'd wear off?"

"Sometime when I was up here."

"I can check on that.  There's only a few things that will inhibit it."  She called up the medical file she had been sent in case he got injured up here.  "Interesting.  This DNA taint?"

"Mermaid."

She looked at him.  "Excuse me?"  He shrugged.  "How since they're mythical?"

"They're not.  You guys have some in the waters here too.  I saw a few when I was swimming.  They came up to sniff me."

She stared at him.  "I'll let you tell Sheppard about that."  She got the tubing to help her draw the blood and he let her.  "Thank you, Mr. Harris."  She drew out four good sized test tubes to run various tests that weren't listed plus a DNA comparison.  She looked at a machine that came down.  "What are you?" she asked.

"It came out to see the little fairy glow I created on the balcony."  He created it again and the thing attached to his hand.   "Oh, hey."  He dropped his shield, realizing what it was for.  It was testing him.  He dropped all his shields and closed his eyes.  It beeped a few times.  "I know, I was born on one," he muttered.  "Not my fault."  A suction cup hit his forehead.  "Nice shot."  He felt something tingling in his brain and then it retreated and he rebuilt his shields.  It was much easier now.  He sighed in pleasure.  "That's cool.  I need that at home."  Something popped off.  "Aww, are you an energy filter?  Good boy."  He petted it.  She got another set of test tubes to compare to the last set.  He sighed but let her.  Then she attached the electrodes to his head and let him get back to work.  The machine kept reading an error so he shrugged and lowered the shield that kept out possessions.  That made it work, though it'd probably pick up more of his surface thoughts from what he was translating.

4: Atlantis, We Have A Problem

Rodney came out of the lab finally at dinner that night, staring at him.  "How do you manage to get into those situations?"

Xander shrugged.  "I don't know.  It's always happened around me."  He got back to work.  "Do you have Armand?"

"Yes."  He put the dragon on the table, keeping it out of Ronon's plate.  "He'll eat you if you eat his food."  Xander shifted his own plate and his baby decided to eat his dinner for him.  "What are you working on?"

"Apparently the ancient chronicle account of the last birth on Atlantis."  He went back to it, letting him see it.

Rodney sat down with a sigh, reading it over.  It was a fascinating account.  John walked in and got them both food trays, putting Rodney's down in front of him.  He ate absently while he read it.  "I can't believe they censured her for having a child herself instead of letting the system handle it," he complained.

"I know, very unfair," Xander agreed.  "I'd have kicked butt."

"She's a woman."

"All the women I know can kick some serious butt."

"She's not like your friend or else she might have."  He finished reading and looked at his plate then at John.  "What did you feed me?"

"It's liver night," he said with a smug look.

Xander nodded.  "If you say so."  He belched.  "Tasted more like moose tail to me."  He belched again, taking an antacid.  "So, any other conclusions that were reached?"

Rodney looked at him over the top of the laptop.  "Yes.  You need to settle down."

"Hey, help me find someone," he said dryly.

"That one...Baxter?"

"Very cuddly.  Very warm too.  Never a cold night, even on the ship."  Rodney just stared.  "What?"

"He was a bit hairy."

"Yeah but so were all his people.  I go by personality, brains, and similarities, not body hair or muscles."

"I can see why," he admitted.  He handed back the laptop.  "Have you gotten anything else on what you're supposed to be doing?"

"Yeah, about half done.  This was in that same search."  He put his laptop back into his bag by his feet.  "Anything else you figured out?"

"You probably shouldn't go home."

"I'm only on for apocalypses and bad things like funerals."  He winced and rubbed his head as the vision hit.  "So *that's* what he had blocked out."  He watched it unfold as he and Landry had a showdown about Joyce's funeral.  Then an apocalypse right afterward and possibly Buffy's funeral.  He took a deep breath, banishing the images.  He pulled out his laptop and wrote out an email to General O'Neill since apparently Landry was going to panic or throw a fit on him.  He put it into the queue for the outgoing mail.  He had a few weeks.

"What was that?" John asked quietly.

Xander looked up, shutting down his computer again.  "Apparently my teacher put something on to block a small gift of foresight."  His dragon was staring at him, head tipped to the side. "Did you know about that?"  It meeped.  He shrugged.  "It's all right."

Rodney stared at him.  "Why did you bring a cellphone up with you?"

Xander stood up, sliding his bag over his shoulder.  "Thank you Goddess for reminding me, McKay."  He dropped a kiss on his head and took his dragon with him back to his room.

"That's unexpected," he decided, unmessing his hair.  Some of the Marines were staring at them.  "I kicked a thought into place.  I'm too smart and not toned enough for his tastes."  They all groaned and went back to eating.

John looked at him.  "So, how did the memory viewing go?"

"I started out at ten years.  When that encompassed barely a few things, I had it go back all the way.  I want to kill his family, sink his whole town after burning down their wretched school, tie his female friends to burning poles to finish the job that the psychically manipulated parents started, and then I want to keep him away from my sister but give him a good portion of your castoffs.  Do you think they'd mind?"

John nodded.  "Probably.  That bad?"

"Yes and you need to give him chair training since he's nearly as strong on that gene sequence as you are."

"Crap."

"He's not a pilot either.  Mitchell didn't see the need to put him in the simulator or Landry."

"Double crap," he muttered.  "I can do that.  Has he found anything you can use yet?"

"Quite a lot of the theory.  The books he leant me are even more strange.  I'm about to see if he could bring us both back there to be taught.  Even knowing what they would expect in return."  He stuffed his mouth again, going to get seconds on the decent things on the line tonight.  Not the liver though.  How disgusting.

***

Xander paced while he waited for the call to connect.  "Cam, Xander.  It's a problem.  Just shut up and listen for a second."  He paced in the other direction.  "I am on Atlantis.  It's my cellphone, dude.  No, huge ass problem at home and apparently I have a slight gift of foresight.  Well, you can come visit me on a beach in Bermuda after I leave over my might-as-well-be-mother's funeral."  He listened to the groaning.

"So, I'm going to give you a specific message.  Because I can't get Buffy's cellphone and it won't do voicemail right now.  Or Willow's.  Please?  She'll die, Cam.  Take it down verbatim.  It's Xander.  There's a huge ass problem with Joyce's treatment.  She has an aneurysm.  It will blow because her doctor is Glory's host.  I know about Dawn and if I have to, I'll set up somewhere in town for her to hide in.  Get your mother to a specialist outside of Sunnydale ASAP or you'll walk in and find her dead on the couch in about two weeks.  If she argues tell her I had a vision.  Thank you!  You're a life saver, literally.

"Well, yeah, it's enhanced, Cam.  I told you that.  Thank you!"  He hung up and flopped down, heaving a sigh.  Armand was still giving him a funny look.  "What?" he asked finally.  "Not my fault.  It's probably the damn hellmouth's fault."  His dragon slid into his lap, cuddling him.  "Thanks, baby.  We'll get through this.  I know we will," he said quietly, petting him.

***

Cam Mitchell came back from his current short mission that night, looking at the general.  "I need a link to Sunnydale now.  Xander called."

"He can do that?"

"Yes, he can, and we're going to have a problem if I don't get this message to them."  He walked off, letting the people take his gun and pack, then letting the doctor look him over before he went to debrief.  He found the phone waiting and no one in there.  "Miss Summers," he said once he undid the hold button.

"Who're you?" Buffy asked.

"I'm Colonel Cam Mitchel.  I'm on the same team as Xander about half the time."

"Did he get hurt?  I'll kill all of you if you got him dead."

"No, he's not hurt.  He said he had a vision."  She moaned a 'no' sound.  "About your mother's cancer."

"Excuse me?" she demanded.  "Why is this important?"

"Let me read off what he told me," he told her, reading her the message.  She choked up at one point.  "He won't be back around this base for about three more weeks."  He let his own feelings wash over him.  He'd been given this news about a friend in the past.  "There's a few very good specialists in LA.  You need to take her tonight."

"I don't know one that would trust a vision."

"Do you have contacts who could find one?  Or even lie and say she's been faint headed and her cancer treatments aren't going as you'd expect, you think she may have missed one because the doctor was a fuck up," he told her.  "Just get her to a real ER.  It's not a painful death but he was nearly crying."

"I...  Yeah, tonight.  Tell him to tell me directly."

"He said yours and Willow's phone wouldn't even do voicemail.  That's why he called mine.  Even if you have to get an underground doc to order the CT, do it somehow."

"I am.  Thank you and tell him I'll think about his offer because this is really bad.  I might need him back."

"I'll tell our general that, Miss Summers.  I know the generals arranged for some of our people to be near you."

"They're neat guys who can't tell me what you guys do."

"It's beyond classified but it's not bad and if I see anyone from that project you guys had to stop I'm beating their asses."

She sniffled.  "Let Riley live.  He's just now married as I found out."

"See if his people can scan her."

"That's an idea.  Thank you!"  She hung up.

Cam hung his head, taking a deep breath as he hung up.  The general walked in.  "Thank you."

"I figured it had to be important."   Cam handed over the message he had taken down.  "Oh, hell."

"He said we could visit him on the beach in Bermuda after you two had a fight about going to his might-as-well-be mother's funeral," he said quietly.

"I have no doubt he would," he decided, sitting down.  He handed back the message.  "How did he call?"

"That cellphone of his.  It wouldn't connect to them but it did to mine for some reason."

"That's good to know.  Why did you have yours?"

"I had it from my hike yesterday.  I never took it out."

"Oh.  That's fine."  He stared at him.  "We need someone to calm the boy down.  He's been acting out."

"That's because Woolsey has not a clue what's going on and he's going to react badly to anyone IOA, plus from his last email Woolsey and someone tried to get into his face about the pet."

"They do have authority over him."

"No they don't.  He's not SG personnel.  He's a civilian conscript."  Landry moaned, shaking his head.  "He's paid out of the subcontractor budget.  I got curious and saw his paycheck the last time, sir.  He's paid out of the same budget Daniel said his used to be paid from.  He may be one of us but he never signed on that way.  He was signed on to do a specific job, to translate things.  Which he's right, he can do from a beach in Bermuda.  Technically, by the paperwork in his office, O'Neill signed him on.  In his contract it stated he was not given a choice, it was here or UNIT, and that he was O'Neill's staff, not SGC.  It's a fine line but especially with those death threats restarting, I doubt he won't pull it on someone like Woolsey.  He's got his head up his ass half the time."

"That is a good point and one I did not know.  Where is that kept?"

"Second desk drawer on the left the last time I knew but he's locked his office so no one can steal it on him."

"Magically?"

"Except for the people taking care of his plants."

"I'll get one of them to get it for me," he decided.  "You think he'll react?"

"I think we're all kinda disappointed he has bombed them yet, General.  The thing I'm wondering is why he raised his head that way."  Landry looked confused.  "He sent back the thing, with a note.  He signed his first name.  He should've known someone was going to show up.  Daniel said he was expecting someone like him."

"Then why did he do it?"

"I don't know.  I'm wondering that and I'm wondering if McKay might now know since he did the memory machine."

"I'll ask him."

"Sir, with all respect, don't.  The kid likes you well enough but don't.   Let Sheppard do it if he figures it out.  Or I will when he comes back.  Maybe Daniel.  You and the kid don't really click all that well."

"Is that because I'm keeping him out of the fight simulator?"

"You know, that bugged me all day until I got an email from McKay reminding me he's a strong ATA carrier."  Landry moaned.  "And he could make the chair work, but he's not trained in how to fly things."

"Damn it."

"Yup.  He said he'd prompt Sheppard to give him some tutoring in that area."

"Good.  He's more experienced than anyone but O'Neill.   Did we figure anything else out?"

"Not yet.  I think, if I saw those memories, I might get very close and see the kid as a little brother, which I'm not sure if he'd take or not.  I know Sheppard said he's working outside most of the time up there.   Said he went for a few tethered swims.  The email I got today had a huge sparring time with Ronon.  The kid looked excellent.  I showed it to Teal'c and he was proud.  I think the kid's probably not the sort to have had a decent family.  If his friend's mother was closer than his own....."

"There's probably a problem in his family.  His background check showed an uncle who has an astounding number of DUI's."  He leaned back.  "Anything else you've picked up?"

"Yeah, I think he needs someone to settle him down but I don't know who it could be.  I honestly don't.  The kid's very open.  I wouldn't be surprised if he had slept with some aliens if his blipping time encountered anything off world."

"All right," he decided.  "I'm going to send a message that I want to talk to McKay about any results he got from the boy's DNA scan.  That extra taint bothers me."

"Apparently the mermaid taint wasn't as fully dissolved as they thought," he said.  "We still need to set the kid a permanent team.  I like having him but trouble likes him more than it does Jackson.  He's better equipped to get himself free.  He's better able to handle combat.  That may be the reason he popped his head up."

"He's got battle fatigue."

"He did seem to have the 'oh, not again' thing going on."

"I can see that.  Let me talk to McKay.  I'll see if he and Woolsey made peace yet."

"I can understand that.  See if McKay can figure out how his laptop has sixty terrabytes on it running windows."

"It does?"

"Yup."

"I can do that too if he can not destroy it."  He went to send that message and send the data burst early.

Cam went to shower, change, and calm down so he could think.  He had to get Xander a good, supportive team sometime soon.  Someone who could keep up with him and someone who could calm him down when he got upset.  Because he had no doubt the boy was wearing off some stress on Atlantis right now.

***

Buffy hung up and looked at her mother.  "That was one of Xander's teammates, Mom.  We need to get you to another doctor.  Xander had a vision.  Willow, her doc, the cute one, is Glory's host."  She called Riley's phone.  "It's Buffy, I need a huge ass favor, Sam.  No, Xander had a vision."  In the background she heard Riley choking.  "He saw Mom's doc is Glory's host, Riley.  That he's possibly missed something important on purpose and if we don't, I'm going lose it when I come home in a few weeks and she's dead.  Please?"  She relaxed.  "At home.  Thank you."  She hung up.  "C'mon."

"Buffy," her mother said.

"I don't care!  You're not dying!"  She pulled her mother to her feet.  "Dawn, hospital trip!" she called.

"Already?"  She came bouncing down the stairs.  "Bad news?"

"Way bad news.  Mom's doc is the host."  She walked her mom out to their car.  Dawn got in.  Willow had the house well in hand for them.  She drove them to where Riley's people were staying, being very careful.  She wouldn't hit any demons on the way there, even if they were evil.  She saw Glory and sneered.  "She'll be mine soon."  She sped up when she spotted Tara.  "In, now.  She's hunting."  She got in and they sped off.  Riley met them at the car.  "I'm a wreck."  She got into the back, squeezing between Dawn and Tara.

"I'll be back, Sam."

"Sure.  I hope they figure it out.  We'll be planning how to capture him."

"She's hunting down on eighth," Buffy called.

"Good deal, Summers.  Thank you.  I hope she'll be okay."  She watched Riley drive her off to see the nearest medic.  She hated this town.  She liked some of the people in it, she respected Buffy and them, but she hated this town.  "Gear up," she ordered.  "We're stalking."  They grabbed things, tossing her the stuff she needed.  They went to find the insane one.  She was draining someone.  They tracked her back.  One of her team took that victim to the ER.  They tracked her back to her lair and set up surveillance.  This was the break they needed to stop this apocalypse.  When she changed back, they got it camera.  They knew who to capture now.  They had a concrete vault with her name on it.  It was airproof and no one would ever have this problem again.

***

Xander got out of the water, finding John staring at him.  "Sorry."

"No, it's cool.  What's up?"

"The vision was my near-mother's death and then an apocalypse."

"Shit."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "That's going to upset you.  You should have a tether."

"They bit it in half.  They were trying to free the bait."

John shook his head.  "Okay.  That makes a scary bit of sense.  Rodney and I have been called back to talk about the IOA issue.  Did you get any new threats?"

"Yeah, on my laptop."

"Rodney has it."

"Why?"

"To see how you modified it.  He's not taking it apart, just scanning it.  He does it to his own often enough."  Xander relaxed.  "Can't get replacement parts?"

"No.  It's not exactly standard issue.  Even when it was made."

"That kinda sucks.   We'll make sure he doesn't hurt it.  C'mon."  Xander wiped some of the water off himself as they walked inside.  "Want to change?"

"No.  I'll shower before I go to bed."

"Where's Armand?"

"Probably in Ronon's hair.  He walked off as soon as I dove in."

"That's fine.  I can check on that."  He gave him a sideways look as they walked.  "I took tape of that sparring match.  Mitchell's email tonight said he was proud and so was Teal'c."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"Cool."  He smiled.

"Why pop up?  Cam figured out you didn't have to."

Xander looked at him.  "Did you watch that?"

"Some of it."

"What was I doing before I got that?"

"Nightly patrols....  Battle fatigue," he sighed.

"I don't mind now and then but not every night, bitchy friends who never gave a bit of a damn it seemed like, and all that.  It was that, Anya, them, the Council's threat of taking us out, the demons thinking I'm a big ass prize.  There's betting pools about which one was going to take me out and if it'd be turned, kept as a toy or concubine, or just killed.  The betting on me being turned because one of the team had handed me over to stop an apocalypse was nearing ten mil."  John shuddered.  "I just... couldn't.  Then the wristband fell in my lap.  Almost literally.  It was an accident to activate it, but it was... it was almost like it was freeing.  I had people who gave a damn about *me* and what I thought and did and looked like.  No nagging, no bitching, no whining about PMS.  Someone who respected me for what I could do and had been doing all along."

"So when you got back, you decided you couldn't handle them knowing the truth because they wouldn't care," he said quietly.  Xander nodded.  He stopped the kid, turning to look at him.  "It's not exactly the same but the base is a family in a lot of ways.  Dysfunctional, egos exploding all over the place,  the threats about every two weeks, all of it."

"It's not bad.  Not the same but not bad.  Maybe in a few years I can slip off and find someone really there for me.  I need a pack of my own."

"I get that," he agreed.  "I have a pretty impressive one here myself."  He gave him a shoulder squeeze.  "You're cold."

"No I'm not."

"You are to the touch."

"Eh, I don't care.  I'm not chilly.  Thanks."

"Welcome.   Starting over is a good answer to the problems you had.  From what I saw I would've paddled them both back in high school."

"Don't tempt me to go back and do it to them," he said dryly.  John smirked, shaking his head.  "I know, paradox but it won't be."  He walked on, going to the labs.  "I hear you have my electronic baby?"

"I do.  When did she come from?"

"The thirty-something century."

"That figures."  He handed it back.  "Your other one is helping Ronon meditate."

"He's good at that."  He smoothed a hand over it.  "Going to talk about me?"

"About which program you're going to end up at," John agreed.  "Because if you're staying, Lorne's getting you."  Xander blushed, but shrugged.  "Not that way probably.  I'm not going to say a word as long as it's mutual though."  Xander beamed.  "Go shower and go to bed."

"Yes, sir."  He went to do that.

John looked at him.  "You done?"

"Yes."  He packed up what he needed and walked out with him, going to the midway station and then from there to the SGC.   They came down the ramp and McKay shook the general's hand.  Then John did after saluting.  "You needed to confer?"

"I did.  Let's go to my office."  He led them that way.  O'Neill was in there.  "When did you get in?"

"About twenty ago.  I came to see if the kid was going to make it home for the apocalypse.  Our guys there said one was coming heavy."

"He called," John told him.  "McKay prompted a thought about that special cellphone of his.  I heard him talking to Mitchell."

"Good.  Hopefully it'll be stopped then."  He leaned against the wall.  "What did we find out?"

"Is he outside the IOA's control?" Rodney asked.  O'Neill nodded.

"You're sure?" Landry asked.  Jack nodded again.  "You did it on purpose?"

"Yeah.  I knew the kid would destroy them.  The simple background check led back to the contract Travers had on his life.  Which he's upped through his lackeys by the way."

"Woolsey decided the kid had a point," John admitted.  "Though he hates the idea of a conscript."

"I have him put in the same way I put in political refugees that work for us.  That way no one from anywhere has any hold over them."

"I didn't even consider any defectors we had working here," Landry admitted.

"There's about eight total.  Mostly in the sciences.  One on the diplomatic staff."  He looked at the other two, then Mitchell and Daniel walked in.  "Morning," he said dryly.  "Crashing the party?"

"Sure am," Daniel said dryly.  "Because it's going to take all of us to find him a team on either project."

"I can tell you that he does have battle fatigue," John said.  "I can tell you that half of it was because of what was going on at home with his friends."  Daniel snorted at that.  "I saw your meeting."

"I wanted my zat," he admitted quietly.  He sat down.  "So?  Anything good?"

"Six things," Rodney admitted, handing him the memory tape.  "He's been both backward and forward.  Mostly by accident.  He was aiming for home but never quite got there.  He had a lot of sex I went past very quickly.  The Empire of Xander was nearly done but Octavian was a wise man who decided Rome was more important even if Xander did have good ideas.  He implemented them and gave himself credit.

"Xander shrugged it off but he was hurt.  Then again, he was a concubine to protect himself.  There were a few others there who saw him as a major threat to the timeline and other problems.  He had no idea who they were at the time.  When they finally caught up to him he told them what had happened and they told him how to get home, which he overshot by about twenty-eight centuries."  Jack moaned, shaking his head.  "He slowly zeroed in.  That gou'ald was prettier back then than his last meeting."  He shifted.  "Secondly, Xander is not exactly fragile but he's looking for a home.  Insane dragon who likes liver, Ronon's hair, and all."

"He can make one on either base," Landry assured him.

"No, he can't.  A lot of the people on the base view him as 'he's a bit strange'," John told him.  "Especially after that sparring session.  It blew some Marines minds that a geek could beat most of their asses, Generals.  Lorne and I both pointed out it was so he could rescue himself when his team failed to in the future.  They sulked but knew it'd happen because we're human and they're not sure he's not an Ancient sometimes."

"Well, he did sleep with two," Rodney admitted dryly.  "Merlin was one."  Daniel leaned forward, covering his face with his hands.  "You knew?"

"I briefly had Merlin's memories in my head; I thought I recognized the boy when I saw him.  I wasn't sure why."  He looked at them.  "Who was the other?"

"I can't tell you."  He smirked.  "It's intensely personal and nearly drove her insane.  Though, he did spot Vala somehow."  Cam stiffened.  "She didn't appear to notice him and he didn't realize who she was.  No one told him?"

"No, I didn't even think about it!" Cam complained.  "That side trip the idiots took him on?"

"Yes."

"We're going back there later then," he decided.  "The trail can't be that cold.  It was only two weeks ago."  Daniel gave him a shoulder squeeze.  "Any other good news?"

"Well, his weapons proficiencies are above standard for our design team but I would expect that," Rodney said.  "He cannot learn a thing by lecture.  Showing him how to do it and making him learn it that way works, though if he's bored you have a shot in hell."

"I've seen that," Cam said dryly.  "Where does the tracking skills come from?"

"Back when he was possessed by a hyena.  Now and then his eyes will glow because of it," John said.  "I saw that part and nearly flinched.  Green glow, not yellow."

"Wonderful," Cam said sarcastically.

"He never fully sheds any possessions.  Keep him away from repositories or he might keep it," Rodney warned.  "He did the former holder of the temporal jump band.  It changed his brain chemistry but not that much."  He looked at Landry again.  "I do want to ask permission to see if he can recreate it and take me to that pre-Furling society, even knowing what they would expect to teach me.  I can grunt and bear it to get the new math down and their sciences."

"I'll consider it," Jack told him.  "They might not be able to spare you for that long, McKay."

"I could be back within an hour of when I left."

"We'll see," he repeated.  Rodney grimaced but nodded.  "Next point?"

"The boy's mind is fairly scary.  He's got a switch that says 'someone has to do it'."

"He also has the last step of battle rage," John said quietly.  "That showed up during the sparring session.  He called it quits when he was about to reach for it."

"Have I seen that?" Landry asked.

"I have," Cam admitted.  "I can pull it up, General."  He nodded, letting him have his keyboard to get into the email and put it on the bigger screen.  They all watched in silence.

"He has an aggression problem," Jack said.

"Not surprising since his parents made me want lye soap for my brain," Rodney said.  "Plus to sink his town with a huge explosion.  He nearly managed it during the hellmouth battle during his graduation.  He considered adding other sites to the explosion but decided against it."  He shifted.  "That brings me to my next point.  The boy will think tactically and then consider the emotional impact."  He ran it back to a situation and they all groaned.  "They knew he had to be stopped.  No, Xander didn't like him very much, but he knew it was necessary.  Later that night he drank himself nearly into a coma.  Thankfully he has drunks for parents so his tolerance was higher than the fifth of jack he shoplifted."

"I think that one and the looking for the home problem will be solved together," John said.  "I honestly think if we could get him a good team, one that was supportive the way my team is or SG-1 is, it'd be helped.  Maybe not stopped, but it'd help him when he had to think tactically and it'd help when he had those days when he's growling and ready to blow shit up."

"I saw that one day," Daniel admitted.  "I got him out of the mountain before something activated from it.  We went to the park and he hit the swingset."

"That and water seems to be where he goes to think.  I found him swimming earlier tonight.  The merpeople we have around us apparently decided to untie their brethren they felt was bait."  Landry moaned, shaking his head.

"The fourth issue," Rodney said, "is that his self esteem has apparently never shown up outside of what he can do, and then someone discounted him again and again and again."

"Which could be helped by having a good team around him," Cam pointed out.

"Far in the future.  It even happened a few times during his trips.  He saved most of an army from an ambush by attacking someone and breaking their cover.  Guess who got yelled at," John told him.

"When?" Jack asked.

"Fighting against the Moorish army.  He had a wife then.  She basically came onto him, got knocked up on purpose, and he married her to help her out.  He saw her and her child die of old age before he managed to make himself move on.  She died childless due to a fever," John said.

"The original owner of the wristband had the same thing," Rodney admitted.  "He'd take one and last as long as he could, then lose them and start to hide from life.  He's presently hiding," he admitted.

"I met him.  He's still growling that the kid told him to treat his boyfriend better and respect him more, because life was pain or else you were already dead," Jack said.  He considered it.  "How many?"

"Seven spouses," Rodney sighed.  "Only the one child though.  He wasn't sure how since Doctor Keller's scans do say that he is indeed infertile due to the DNA corruption from his town's energy leak.  Are you sure we can't bomb it?"

"Not totally," Jack admitted.  "I've listened to the former soldiers who moved there on my suggestion.  They want to and one has a plan on how to do it."

"So does the kid," John told him.  "Using the conveniently placed sewer system that was never meant to carry anything."

"I heard about that."  Jack smirked.  "That was about theirs too."

Cam coughed.   "The kid does have his violent moments.  Do we have any idea how to handle those?"

"Spar," John said.  "Let him pick a way to wear out the frustration that seems to cause them.  If it's a case of he's flipped the switch to warrior geek, let him go with minimal orders.  He's got a decent mind for tactics."

"That showed up in that battle at graduation," Rodney said, running that scene.  They watched and Daniel whimpered.

"I think the blowing up part is every teenager's dream," Cam said finally.  "But that's horrifying and a nightmare.  Did he calm down afterward okay?"

"Drunk off his ass and got nearly killed by his parents for it.  Then he left for a roadtrip," John said.  "Where he got drunk and ended up stripping.  That Jack guy's memories really did loosen his inhibitions a lot.  I think the old Xander would've probably broken and snapped sometime soon instead of bending one last time.  Or he would've ended up walking away until he realized that he had to so less people died.  So he'd die in their place."

Cam nodded.  "We've been attacked and I saw that 'oh well maybe it's today' look."

"That's the battle fatigue," John agreed.  "He really does need people who can keep up with him.  I won't offer Major Lorne, Generals.  I think he and Lorne would be scary and brother-like within weeks but I think they'd develop the wrong sort of closeness.  The sort that keeps you up at night when your little brother is in trouble."

"I can understand that.  Though the last one we liked decided to become a priest," Landry said dryly.

"You need more of the commando mindset than you do the more rigid military one," Cam said.

John nodded.  "Definitely.  He's used to small, covert group with not a whole lot of structure.  It was very much a 'this is your job and this is mine' thing with their team.  He's also hiding a lot behind the smartass.  That seems to have been going on for years though."

"So we put him with a very wild team?" Landry asked.  "One that gets into trouble anyway?"

"Put him somewhere some of his skills are needed and he's not overlapping too much.  Some teams have someone who can plan, do explosives, those things.  It leaves him feeling left out and like he's tagging along again," John said.  "Lorne figured that out when we took him on a trial mission to some friendly natives we trade with.  They had a good rapport, they had the greater majority of the bases covered on the team.  He hung back and had to be pulled into the discussions."

Cam nodded.  "I've seen that when I have both him and Daniel with me," he agreed.  "He could probably lead but I don't think he wants that sort of responsibility.  He will question decisions.  He has mine in the past.  Including why we were walking down a hill instead of taking the stairs."  Daniel stifled a snicker at that.  "We had a chain of command talk down that hill," he finished dryly.

"So a team that can spring ideas and the leader will go 'yeah, I like that one' even if it's not his," Jack said.  They all nodded.   "What was the sixth point, McKay?"

"The kid's going to have some adjustment issues.  He's physically twenty-one.  He's lived through about seventy centuries of time."  They shuddered.  "Half of that time he spent protecting himself on his back or in a battle.  He feels he should be better but really he's probably as good as he can be without learning new methods of fighting.  He's had to censor himself a few times from giving advice that was outside this century."

"What's his medical skills like?" Daniel asked.

"We're behind enemy lines, and I've been shot," John said bluntly.  "He can pull it, pad it, seal it, and help evacuate.  He's not up to surgery but if we taught him you never know.  He's not a quick study sometimes but he'll pick things up."

"I caught many signs of a learning disability that his deplorable excuse for an institution of learning never cared to see.  He's mildly dyslexic.  He's greatly annoyed at book learning because it doesn't leave him more than bored.  He's learned weapons, construction, and sexual intrigue in a more practical manner so it's all stuck to him.  I would encourage him to quit dating women since each one is worse than the last."

"I kinda felt for Anya," Cam admitted.

"So did he.  That's why he nearly married her," John told him.

"Each one has basically taken a little bit more of the young man from him.  Earlier Xander was a lot more happy and carefree.  Even in his first year of fighting," Rodney told them.  "Then the girls started on their thing.  Then the girlfriends started on theirs.  It got to the point where he was losing himself.  If he had been able to finish that roadtrip, it probably would've been better for him.  Unfortunately his car broke down and he ended up stripping."

"That's a thought that might make many of his ex's very happy," John said blandly.  "Though most of them treated him like the good puppy he was.  I'm wondering if he made it home with some of the stuff he got from them."

"We've seen some things in his office," Jack offered.

"Yes, I wanted to see his office," McKay said dryly.  "And have him explain the totally irrational thing that is magic."  Cameron snickered.  "Plus he asked that I get something off his desk for him.  Apparently he left a favorite dagger."

"You can do that," O'Neill agreed.  "Get the passcard from Botany."  They nodded.  "Watch out for the tentacle plant and the smoking one."

"I can definitely keep him from them," John said.  "We have enough of those in Pegasus."

"They're nice plants once they like you," Daniel offered.

"Still, it's best to stay away from anything with tentacles.  Including his ex," he said when she faded in.  "Yes, Miss Chase?  Did you have something pertinent to the discussion to unload on us?"

She stared at him.  "He told you about me?"

"That and I saw you," he said blandly.  "Why?"

"Don't give Xander the dagger.  He has seven with him."

John shifted.  "He and I are going somewhere tomorrow with Ronon."

She gaped.  "How dumb are you?  You're taking him places?"

"He's actually very skilled," Rodney said.  She snorted.  "Clearly you didn't see the boy for who he was."

"I saw plenty of who he was."

"Really?  Before and after his trip?"  She growled.  He smirked.  "Because we all see him as very skilled, very necessary, and very well liked even if he did kiss my hair once."  She huffed and left.  "Can we block ascended beings from him?"

"No," Jack said.  "We can't block ascended from the base."

"I don't think I had tentacles," Daniel said.  Cam gave him an odd look.  "She did!"

"I don't remembering seeing any," Jack admitted dryly.  "But that's a whole 'nother topic, Danny."  He looked at his colonels.  "Who do we think would be good on his team?"

"Someone like Thomas," Cam said.  "That same sort of strength yet openness, but his team's full and complete.  Plus he hates the kid for being a smartass."

"If you're putting a scientist on his team you either need to give him someone who can talk back, like I get," John said dryly, glaring at McKay, "or someone like Zalenka that he'll end up plotting with to drive everyone nuts."

"Fieldgrass," Daniel said.

"If they can get along.  He seemed a bit...wishy washy," Rodney said.  "Easily run over.  Even Radek did it."

"But, I've seen him start to stand up for himself and Xander encourage him to beat the Marine that was picking on his hair over the head with a bat," Daniel told him.  "David nearly did it."

"A bit stronger and he's not cleared for field duty," Cam said.  "Maybe Camera but she hates him for flirting.  They can work well together though."

"He's got a botany bent," Daniel reminded him.  "You need someone in the hard sciences, someone he can talk to about rewiring things with them and the like since he knows a little bit of electronics."

"Which comes back to Perick," Rodney said dryly.  "Though I doubt they get along."

"No they don't," Daniel agreed  "He said something snide to the boy about being bi and we nearly had to peel him off the wall after Xander went evil on him.  We still have not filled in the gouges his nails put in the metal walls," Landry said.  "Speaking of, would you like him back, Doctor McKay?"

"I'm going to drown him.  He keeps picking on Miko and Radek.  They're the only two competent people I have."  He snapped his fingers.  "Jindry."

"Not coming back," O'Neill said.  "He went home to be a father."

"Which Xander might like," John said.  "It'd give him someone else to hover and be an uncle for."

"He's a single father now.  He knows it's dangerous.  That's why he retired.  Though....  McKay, Paulsberg?"

"Rachel or Antony?" he asked.  "She might try to turn him into her submissive."

"Antony's got some self esteem and suicidal issues from his sister," Cam said.  "I've asked Xander to keep an eye on him for us, told him that we were worried about the guy.  He snarled at her a few times when she tried to interrupt.  She laughed once but he did the same thing he did to Perick and she spent the night curled up in a corner crying.  Antony yelled at him but he got him calmed down with some ice cream.  He's a lot stronger.  I'd trust Antony to start making his own decisions again."  He crossed his feet and linked his hands on his stomach.  "We need someone more like you were when you were younger, General.  That 'I'm in charge' sometimes but also that 'we're screwed, and you have ideas' thing too."

"Feretti loves the boy," Jack said.  "Just for being him."

"Yeah but he can't stand him on the team," Daniel said.  "The last time they went anywhere together was that place we didn't know had a temple to Aphrodite."

Jack moaned.  "Don't remind me, please."

"I heard the beer was very good," Cam said dryly.  "Who's got a lieutenant colonel spot that could be moved up?"

"Scalen," John said. "He's getting antsy with his team leader."

"Perkins," Rodney said with a grimace.  "Though not for this.  I'd put him with a group of amazons and make them train him."

"He is down on women in the military," John agreed.  "I was going to ask to send him to those amazon Jaffa's world to be trained."

Cam snickered.  "Istha would kick his ass."

"Good.  He could use it.  Also, I think Xander did him good kicking him around in sparring practice the other day after he said gay men were like women and should be treated the same way."  Jack smirked at him.  "It solved that problem fairly quickly.  Send him to help Buffy, sir."

"That's mean."

"Yup."

Landry snickered, making that note.  "I might send some people to help.  I know she said Captain Finn was back out there."

"Fuckhead," John muttered.  "Is he more human now, sir?"

"Barely, apparently recently married," Cam said.  "I did a slight check on him when I talked to Buffy earlier."  They all smiled at that.  "His cellphone reached mine."

"I want that plan," Rodney said dryly.  "Think I could reach my sister's phone?"

"No clue."

"I'll have to test that then."  He made that note for himself.  "Plus figure out if the shrinking and space spells he uses can be adapted scientifically."

"You'd be scary if you could do magic, Rodney.  Please don't," Daniel said.

McKay just smirked at him.  "You'd be amazed at what I'd do."

"Probably and then the whole world that might beg you to be their God King would sacrifice you."

"Well, possibly.  My luck on such things seems to have worsened since I got to the Pegasus galaxy."

"I still want to see Xander go after the Genii," John said dryly.  "By the way, we tested that vine on a wraith hive ship.  It works very well and the vine will grow in space.  It took three days to erode the ship so much it started to fall apart.  Then we burned the sucker before some other ship accidentally ran into it.  Can we have the other samples if we can put them in airproof vaults?"

"Definitely," Landry agreed.  "We're keeping some for that very reason.  How long before it took over the ship?"

"An hour and a half but it was a small hive.  About the size of Manhattan.  We beamed it to the air vent like he thought would be best.  Very unseen and it'd spread all over.  It did. Only one pod managed to get free and we shot it down."

"Sweet," Jack said.  "We needed those when we were taking down mother ships."

"Now we'll let Xander be pouted at by them when they want to use him to take over," Daniel said.  "Cam, did we run into Ba'al with him?"

"Yes and the first thing he tried to do was to pinch Xander.   Xander turned, slapped him, then went off on him in Egyptian.  Ba'al backed up and let out a few subtle whines then huffed off like he had been insulted.  Apparently Xander called him a sheep fucker among other things."  John burst out laughing.  "The kid has a mouth on him."  He snapped his fingers.  "Scalen and that new guy."

"Scalen I like," Landry said.  "He's a bit rough around the edges but getting a team settled in will help.  I'll talk to him about the boy.  The new guy?  Which one?"

"Dickhead?"

"Oh, him."  He rolled his eyes.  "Dickenson."

"Bald guy with the thick neck?" Jack asked, looking confused.  Cam nodded.  "He won't let the kid play and he hates geeks."

"Scalen I like for the team," Landry decided.  "Fisher for the scientist?  He's diplomatic.  He's a bit bouncy and hyper himself.  He's got experience with Xander in the mess.  They've played poker a few times, though I don't want to know why Xander was teaching him the rules of kitten poker.  He's not going to react to anything too strange."

"I like him," Daniel agreed.  "He's mostly calm.  People like him when he shows up as part of a team.  I'd also suggest Tilla for their other soldier.  He's used to female warriors with Buffy so she won't have to kick him around to retrain him to let her do things.  He'll be able to deal with her 'I'm a woman, get over it' thing that she's had to pull on some of the Marines."

"He's stuck up for her in the past," Cam agreed.  "Isn't Scalen a Major?"

"Yes, but he's seen real combat," Jack said.  "We stole him from Afghanistan and black ops.  Make sure he's not Initiative."

"No, he's not.  He was sneering at someone who was exposed as one," Landry said, looking at him.  "He's a good leader though.  Very calm, very used to a broad range of personalities.  Tilla's good at that too."  He looked at Mitchell.  "That wouldn't overlap too much with him."

"No.  It wouldn't.  She's a fairly tough Marine.  He's a fairly tough Marine.  Fisher's diplomatic.  Xander would be the only one with bomb, medical, linguistics, and electronics knowledge."

"If not, he could be used to train them into a team," John offered.  "Even if they wouldn't mesh well later on."

"Good point," Jack agreed.  "What about a fifth member?"

"I think they might pick one up like you did, sir.  I don't know why I think that," Cam admitted.  "We picked up Vala.  You guys picked up Teal'c.  They picked up Ronon and Teyla.  Sometime they make the best additions."

"Good idea," he agreed.  "Let's get those people here," he decided.  "Tilla's got a little sister in the program, right?" he asked.  Cam nodded.  "Is she a soldier or scientist?"

"Soldier," Daniel said.

"Think she'd want to go to Atlantis for training?  You guys have almost no female soldiers."

"I can handle that," John agreed.  "Teyla would like having other tough women to spar with."

"Good."  Landry told his assistant to get them to his office.  Once they were all gathered he looked at them.  "We are forming a new team.  Scalen, team 25 is yours.  It's you, Fisher, Harris, and the older Tilla.  The younger is going home to Atlantis because they have very few female soldiers and could use some."  She smiled and nodded at that.

Her sister looked at her.  "Make sure they don't give you shit or you give it back."

"Teyla needs more female warriors around her," John told her with a smile.  "She'll welcome her openly."

"Good.  I like that.  Harris, as in super geek Harris, Generals?"  They smirked and nodded.  "Well, this'll be interesting."

Scalen shook his head slowly.  "I'd hate to give up my chance to command a team, Generals, but I don't like the kid.  He's bouncy, he's violent, and I don't understand him."

"Try it out," Jack ordered.  "God knows Carter and I didn't always get along because I don't do science myself."

"I can try, sir, but a lot of the time I want to put Harris in a corner and make him sit and watch."

"Harris has had extensive training and combat," John told him.  "That time he spent blipped, a good quarter of it was in a war."

"Yes, Colonel, that's why I want him to sit in a corner."

"Having you on his team would let him go more toward geek," Landry told him.  "He'd be able to protect himself but not *have* to as often because you and Tilla are both very good at that.  It'd let him fall to a backup status."

"I fully agree with the concept, sir, but I've watched Harris.  I don't think I could get along with him.  Even though I'd trust him in the field I think he's probably going to have a few problems and I can't relate to that point yet.  Unlike the general when he came in already being battle fatigued, I'm not at that point yet.  I can't ... I can't really connect to him on that level to put it bluntly."

"That's a good point to worry about," Jack agreed.

"Though I am doing paperwork to see if I can transfer to Atlantis myself."

"You and Tilla, the younger one, can be put on the same team?" John asked.  He nodded, smiling at that.  "We can do that.  Tilla, suggest someone.  We've run out of ideas."

"Henry Miller-Thomas."

They stared at her.  "He's insane," Cam reminded her.

"Which Harris might get.  And if he doesn't work out, then it's bye bye for him, right?"  Landry nodded.  "He could settle down.  Personally I'd trust Harris to give us more tactics than him."

"We'd like him to be the backup for the military matters," Jack reminded her.  "Fisher, any ideas of your own?"

"No, sir, and I like Harris a lot.  I can easily work with him.  Plus her.  I don't mind female soldiers in the least and we all know I'm not one of the disrespectful ones or she'll turn me into an ogre pretzel."

She nodded.  "Yes I would."  Scalen laughed at that.  "Thomas Perish?"

"Idiot," Cam muttered.  "I have no idea how he became Air Force with his lack of brains."

"He tests well probably," John said.  "I know he got extra points for being an eagle scout."  He sat up suddenly.  "We need a junior you, General."

"Not old enough.  But otherwise, yeah, I can see the mini me on his team some day.  He'd probably scarily get where Harris is coming from."

"It'll be like us the next generation," Daniel said dryly.

"I'll tell him you said that."  He looked at them.  "He's got another year before he can join up.  Or we'd have to fudge paperwork."

"Start him training with the team now so they get used to him," Cam suggested.  "It'd help him a lot."

"Yes it would.  I'll talk to him later."  He looked at Scalen.  "You have a name for us."

"Kissen."

Daniel shuddered.  "That's going to be explosive.  He's like McKay's mouth and brain meets Conan."

"Which Harris might like," he pointed out.  "He's tough, he's a smartass too.  They both get drawn to dangerous women.  And if they don't work out, by then the younger O'Neill will be ready, right?"

Jack nodded.  "Probably, yeah."  He looked at the female member.  "Well?"

"I can kick his ass."

"Good."  Landry got him in there.  "New duty assignment Major Kissen."

"Yes, sir," he said, smiling at him.  "Where are you sending me this time, sir?"

"Team 25," Landry said.  "Team leader for Harris, Tilla, Fisher, and eventually Jon Tyler-O'Neill."

Kissen, who was a tall, bald guy with light colored eyebrows and almost strangely blue eyes gaped.  He looked overjoyed.  "I get Harris?  Really?"

"Really," Jack agreed.  "We'll try it.  You'll be training on Atlantis for the next two weeks.  Anyone have any troubles going now?"  Fisher raised his hand.  "How long to clear it up?"

"Two hours, sir.  I have to feed his plants too."

"I wanted to see them," Rodney said, standing up.  "Let's do that."  They left.

"The rest of you, pack," Landry ordered.  "I'll cut orders."  They saluted and left.  "Sheppard, standard evaluation then I'll hand them to Mitchell to make sure they're good together."

"I can do that, General.  Not a problem.  There's a younger Athosian that wants to help like Teyla does on a team.  I can try him with the new group as well."

"That'll work," he agreed.  "Anything else that needs to be discussed?"

"Not yet, sir," John admitted.  "I'll let you know and keep you updated on missions, Mitchell."

"That's fine.  See if Ronon's willing to teach him a new form."

"They're very cute.  Oh, Armand *loves* his dreadlocks.  Thinks they're the neatest thing.  He crawled over to bat, nudge, and play with them the first time and every chance he gets he does it again.  Also, we found out what happened with the beam and his stomach.  No wood before the trip."  They all nodded at that.  "So now we know."  He stood up.  "Let me check out his office too if I may?"

"Dismissed," Landry said.  They saluted and walked that way.  He looked at Jack.  "That's  a crazy and insane team."

"Which Harris will fit right in with," he pointed out.  "Let me tell the mini me."  He walked off happier.  Jon had wanted to get back sooner but his age was a problem.  He found him at his apartment and thankfully not on a date.  Jon opened the door when he knocked.  "You ready for orders?"

"I have some?"

"Yeah."  He walked in and looked at his young clone.  "You're going on Harris' team once he gets back.  You'll start training with him soon enough as the backup grunt.  The team leader is Kissen."

"Oooh," he said with a shudder.

"He likes Harris.  Harris is an anomaly.  He was...given a temporal device a few months back."

"Oh, god, no," he moaned.  "A quantum mirror thing?"

"No.  Had to bounce back and forth until he made it home.  He's physically twenty one."

"So, a lot like I am."

Jack nodded.  "Quite alike.  We're expecting it to be like me and Danny between you two.  He's even a linguist and super geek."

"Runs at trouble?"

"He doesn't have to, it wants to sleep with him.  He's got battle fatigue so he's the backup on his team, no matter what, but he's got tactical thought.  I'll get you his dossier this week.  Mitchell's been making sure he could handle it in the field.   Right now we're sending his team to Atlantis to train."

"I can go."

"No you can't.  You're not eighteen yet.  The president would throw a fit."

"Yay," he said dryly.  "Anything else I should know?"

"Harris lifted his head by giving the temporal band back."  Tyler moaned.  "We don't blame him for that.  He's basically conscripted so no IOA oversight on him."

"I get that.  Because of the battle fatigue?"

"No, his former teammates weren't really appreciating him.  It's an odd situation and I want you to talk to the boy."  He considered it.  "Pack.  You can go talk to him, get used to him, and then start training after you hit eighteen."

"Sure."  He did that while Jack told Landry to wait on sending them back.

***

Jon came out of the stargate last and looked around.  "Jeez, could it get brighter up here?" he complained, putting on sunglasses.

"After the dimness of the mountain, it's very bright," John said with a smile.  "We're even on the ocean.  Woolsey, get Teyla please and Harris."  He walked them up to his office.  "Lorne, this is Team 25 and two extras, plus their future member."

"Morning," he said.  "Coffee?"  He pointed at the pot and disposable cups.

"Blessed mother of god," Kissen moaned, getting himself some.

Xander walked in, staring at them.  "Did I screw up?" he asked.

"No.  Morticia had another sore," McKay told him.  "Fisher released it so she's fine."

"I don't know why she's getting those."

"I do, chicken bones," he said with a smile.

"I'll remember that.  No bones for them.  Hi, Tilla.  Kissen.  What's up?"

"This is your new team, Xander.  You're now Team 25.  Technically SG-25 but you guys will be bounced back and forth now and then," John said.  "Kissen is your team leader, with Tilla and Fischer with you.  You'll get Tyler once he hits eighteen."

Xander looked at him then grinned.  "You're Jack's clone.  Sam and Daniel told me about you."

"I am."  He shook his hand.  "Jack said you're my version of Danny."  Xander beamed at that.

"Lorne, get the team rooms near Xander.  The other two are starting a new team.  Teyla, I want your helper to go on their team for now," he told her.  "This is Scalen and Tilla's junior sister.  She's a Master Sergeant.  He's a Major."

"I can tell him that and introduce them.  If you'll come with me I can do that now."

Lorne found them rooms and handed over the forms.  "That's theirs."  She smiled and nodded, taking them down to the gym.  He found other ones.  "Here we go.  Rooms on the same hallway.  Xander, Armand was in the mess the last I knew."  He smiled.  "Playing with Ronon's hair again."  He rolled his eyes at that.

"We'll be picking out some missions for you guys tonight," John ordered.  "Go get some rest since it was early on the main base or get to know each other better."  They left.  Xander hung back.  "What?" he asked more quietly.

"What if I totally fuck this up and we never mesh?" he asked quietly.

"Teams are built, not instant, kid.  You build that rapport.  They're supposed to be at your back the same way you are theirs.  Like the team you had before you blipped, only nicer and more supportive."

Rodney snorted.  "Do not get me started on my urge to burn them at the stake," he complained.

Xander looked at him.  "Why?"

"Because friends should do that, Xander," Lorne said.  "That's the purpose of having real friends."  The kid looked confused.  "It'll go.  Trust me.  You and O'Neill get along so you'll get along with his clone.  Kissen is a caffeine addict so you guys can bond over Mountain Dew.  Tilla's a lot like a nicer version of Buffy."

"I've met them all before."

"Now they're your team," John told him.  "It'll be okay.  I promise.  It took us six hours to figure out who to sit you with."  He smiled.  "Go get your dragon and show him off.  Tyler's never seen him."  Xander nodded, going to save Ronon's hair.  He looked at Lorne, then at McKay.  "Ditto."  He smirked back.  "Anything explode while we were gone?"

"No, not yet."

"I half expected to get to Midway and not be able to dial in," McKay sighed.  "Because that's the way our luck has ran recently."

"I swear I'm going to ask Xander to go evil on the Genii."  Lorne cackled at that, shaking his head.  "What?  He needs the exercise."  He walked off to get himself something to eat and look over how the new teams were integrating.

***

Tyler looked up as Xander flopped down in the middle of the balcony that was off their hallway.  He stared at the thing in his arms.  "What is that?"

"This is Armand.  He's my baby dragon."  He held him up.  "This is Jon Tyler, Armand."  The dragon sniffed then gave Xander a funny look.  "I know, he smells like Jack.  He's made that way."  The dragon meeped at him, letting Jon pet him.

"He's cute."

Xander smiled.  "When he wants to be."  Kissen came out with a large cup of coffee.  "I brought soda and I travel with caffeine pills."

"Good idea," Kissen promised.  "We both need it, kid.  Relax."

Tilla came out with a danish, sitting down as well.  "Hi, Armand."  He meeped at her and let Jon go back to his rightful worship.  "Has he had many problems?"

"Not since the upset tummy from the beaming cleared up."

"McKay said no more trees," Jon told him.

"That's cool.  I can remember that.  He has no problem with gating."

"Even better."  He sat down and the dragon crawled over and onto his head, settling in for a nap.  He looked up.  "You're a heavy hat, dragon."

"Here, move against the railing.  He's been seeking sunlight."  Jon shifted over to sit next to them.  Armand sighed in pleasure and got onto the railing to stretch out and bask.  "He has a heat lamp in my office."

"I saw that," Kissen agreed.  "So, what have you been up to up here?"

"Mostly just translating, though I did spar with Ronon.  He's really good."

"You're excellent at it," Jon told him.  "We saw the sparring video while we waited at Midway for the quarantine time."

"Really?"

"Yeah.  I could never, older or younger, go that long with Teal'c.  I'm told you tie with him sometimes.  That's consider amazing."

"Wow."

Tilla smiled.  "Got a message from your home as well.   Cam called to check since we were coming this way.  Buffy did get her to one of Finn's medical contacts."  Xander relaxed.  "Sam Finn, Riley's new wife, got Glory's host in a cage and is sinking her."  Xander beamed and fully relaxed.  "So no apocalypse, they found the aneurysm, and she's been gotten to a very good doctor.  Also, Landry said that he knew it was important and yes, if something bad happened, you could go.  He knew you'd panic and fight if it was sprung on him and he tried to have time to think for a second."  Xander leaned against her shoulder.  She patted him on the head.  "There, all fixed?"  He nodded, smiling slightly.  "Good boy."  He purred like his dragon did.  "Get off me if you're going to do that.  You might make me want to have lofty goals, like setting up an empire for you to warp."  He laughed, kissing her on the cheek.  "Ewww."  She gave him a mild shove but she was smiling.  "Hugging I don't mind, kissing is for boyfriends and you're too butch for my tastes, kiddo."

"Sure, I get that," he agreed.

"Don't even think about it," Kissen ordered.  "I like my girlfriend, Harris."

Fischer smiled.  "You can flirt with me but I can't promise to flirt back."

Jon smiled.  "I don't mind flirting either but not my thing most of the time.  But if you need to lighten things up, go ahead."

Xander beamed.  "Wow.  They picked really well."

"Yup," Jon agreed.  "We definitely tried."  The dragon nibbled on his hair so he looked up.  "What?"  The dragon purred and stretched out once Jon had his head back.  "Oh, you needed a footrest.  No wonder you like me."

Ronon walked out.  "Xander, can I borrow the beast and see if he'll eat stupid people?"

"Ooooh, can I have the stupid person?" he asked.

"Gladly.  He's making my brain hurt worse than McKay when he's going off on string physics."

"Yeah, I don't get that either," he admitted, standing up.  "Be right back, guys."  He bounced off beside him.  "They think I fight pretty well."

"You are an excellent warrior who has seen twenty too many battles.  That's why they gave you warriors to let you backup," he agreed.  Xander beamed at that.  "That way you can be smart, quip, and draw the rest of the bad girls in the universe."  He pointed.  "Him."

Xander walked over to him.  "Hi."  The man sneered.  "Ronon wanted me to spar with you."

"You're one of the geek corps, right?"

"Linguist actually.  Not scientist."  He beamed.  "He said I need work."

"You should before we take you off base," he sneered.  "Otherwise you're a danger to your team."  Xander went to the sticks.  "I doubt you can use those yet."

"Okay.  They seemed to be the majority weapon trained in up here."  He stood his ground.  "Here good?"

"There's fine, kid."  He walked over, gauging how he was standing.  He attacked.  Within a second he found himself on his ass, staring at the kid in shock.  "How did you do that?"

"I don't know.  Wanna go again?"  He beamed at him.  The guy grumbled something and got up.  He attacked faster this time.  He also went father when Xander kicked him.  "What's wrong?" Xander asked.  "Are you okay?  Did I hurt you?"  He moved closer.  One of the guy's buddies attacked and Xander kicked him around too.  And the other two that came over to help.

Ronon watched, nodding.  "He's a very good warrior."

Jon and John walked in.  Sheppard shook his head.  "Idiots?" he asked Ronon.

"They made my brain hurt.  Xander, that's enough.  They're going to be going on missions soon."

Xander pouted.  "Fine.  They won't play with me anyway."  He pouted at Jon.  "Can you spar?"

"I'm rebuilding that skill."

"Cool!"

"Tilla spars," John said with a smile.  The boy bounced out to talk to her with Jon behind him.

"He is like a hyper version of Danny," Jon realized.

McKay walked past them.  "Everyone else thinks that he's like a cross between O'Neill and Sheppard, but who got a brain download from Jackson."

"That's a bad mental picture.  Thank you very much for it," he said sarcastically.  Xander giggled, smiling at them.

"Caffeine, Xander, no more bouncing," Sheppard called after him.  The people in the hall and the nearby gym all shuddered.

"I'm fine.  I had coffee."  He sat down again on their balcony.  Jon sat under the dragon. Who purred at him for it.  "Idiots be broken in."

"Good job," Tilla said.  One of the airmen carried out a thermos and two more cups, walking off.  A few more brought offerings of caffeine too.  She was highly amused.  "You were bouncy, weren't you?" she asked dryly.

"Yeah, he was," Jon agreed.  Xander beamed, adding some sugar to his coffee and letting Kissen have some more then letting the other two fight over the other cup.  He knew Fischer hated coffee.

Woolsey came out, staring at them.  "Meeting?" he asked.

"These are my new team," Xander said with a smile.

"Wonderful.  Can they keep you from beating up on the Marines?"

"Ronon asked."

"I heard.  Please be more gentle with them.  They have missions today."

"I'll try."

"That's all I ask."  He walked off.  Things had been clarified for him.  He almost felt sorry for the kid being a conscript but the new team might help him a lot.

Evan came out.  "Sheppard said you guys who aren't tired are going with the team going today.  They've been known to trade with the Genii and we're worried there might be trouble," he said, looking at Xander.  "He said you can be as mean, wicked, and evil to them as you want if they start it."  Xander nodded at that.  "Any of your team that's not too tired can go with you but we know they're resetting their biological clocks."

"I can go," Jon said with a small shrug.  "Strictly as an observer of course."

Kissen looked at him.  "Don't pull anything too heroic or SG-1-ish.  Am I clear?"  Jon nodded.  "Good.  The Genii are pains in their asses from the mission briefings I got given when they thought about sending me up before.  Then I broke my ankle."

"That's fine.  Gou'ald level?"

"Militant amish," Lorne said. "They want weapons.  There's a splinter group that's basically very militant.  They've kidnaped people in the past.  Xander, if they know you have the ATA gene, you're in danger for that."  Xander nodded.  "The people you're going to see are pretty friendly.  We've traded with them since our first year.  Please don't upset that," he begged the kids.

"I won't," Xander said.  "Are we going to see Milacan?"

"No.  Kovel."

"I heard about them.  It's cool."

"Good.  While there, you're going to be allowed to ask to see if you can check out the old outpost.  They don't hold it as holy or anything but they do want to scavenge it.  We agreed we'd trade with them for anything useful they found.  You know the list of needs and wants, plus what would make McKay dance the Snoopy dance in the middle of the mess hall."  He smirked.  "If you can do that, I'll get it on film for you."

"Sure, if I find a ZPM, I'll watch and time it very well."

"Good.  You guys leave in two hours.  Tyler, you can borrow gear from our armory."  He walked off, leaving them to decide who was going.

"I can go," Fischer said.  "I'm usually on night shift anyway."

"I'm beat," Tilla admitted.

Kissen nodded.  "I'm about to crash too.  Behave, kids.   We'll see you tonight at dinner?"  They nodded and went to put on gear to go with the team.  He looked at the dragon.  "Xander's going through the gateway."  He hopped down and ran off to help his daddy get into trouble.  "I like the dragon.  He makes a good teammate."

"He does," she agreed.  "He's a good diplomatic envoy too because most everyone wants to pet him."  She stood up.  "I'm off for bed."

"Night."  He gathered up things to put back, keeping the coffee thermos.  Then he went to bed too.

***

Xander and Jon walked in that night, staring at Rodney.  He put down a ZPM.  "It's very little," he admitted.  "Their cloning chamber for herbal stuff and trees isn't that complicated.   We made them apple trees and a few citrus trees but reminded them you were allergic.  John, the Genii people said hi.  One went crying when he tried to pounce the tree making stuff."

"I didn't know Armand could grow," Jon said dryly.

"He's not supposed to, it makes him ravenous for days."  He walked off shaking his head.  "It's all good and they love us because we made them trees they could eat from.  It'll run on a generator if they want us to do it again."

"They wanted to give Xander two kids too," Jon told Sheppard dryly.  "Not his kids, they kinda looked more like kin of Ronon's by skin tone and hair, but they wanted him to be their stepparent.  He promised he'd be an uncle while he was around."  He walked off.  He seriously needed a shower.

Sheppard nodded.  "Yeah, that team'll work."  McKay was petting the quarter-level ZPM.

5: Home Again

Cam Mitchell was waiting when they got back.  "Welcome back, SG-25," he greeted, shaking Kissen's hand.  "Anything to report on your training missions?"

"I can't take the kids anywhere," he said dryly.  "They snark when the natives are dumb.  The priestesses thought they were fertility idols and wouldn't save any for the rest of us.   The wraith are scared to death of Armand and think dragons are our new allies.  If we go back to Atlantis, Xander and Jon are not allowed to explore together, or singly.  Sheppard sent you mission reports with the data packet so you can cackle too, Colonel."

"We're not *that* bad," Jon said dryly.

Cam looked at him.  "Compared to what?"

"No mother ships, no pouting ex's, the priestesses that we met are definitely more than happy to trade with Atlantis now, and we found a bunch of stuff McKay hadn't."

General Landry cleared his throat from the control room.  "Let's debrief, people."

"I have a file for Doctor Lam, sir," Xander called.  "The genetics people on Atlantis were highly amused."

"I can get her up here too, son.  Meeting room, people."  They walked up there.  Cam printed out the mission reports, cackling as he read it and walked in at the same time.  He looked up.  "That good?" he asked, holding out a hand.

"One of the piers decided to help Xander play with the merpeople by lowering a pier into the water when he was tired."  He put things down, staring at the boys.

"I was just catching my breath.  The city wasn't sinking again.  No matter how much Rodney panicked and threw a fit.  I'm also not the one that told the pier to let him slide into the water when he was throwing the fit."

"Uh-huh.  And the fact that Sheppard's pouting because it loves you so much?"

"Well, I was nice to it.  Now and then he'll kick a wall or something.  I usually petted it and it likes me because I can speak to the AI."

"That's a good reason," he decided, sitting down.  "Kissen, anything you want to add?"

"They make good coffee."  Landry shook his head at that.  "It's important."

"I want Jack's personal coffee god," Xander sighed.  "His is so great people might kidnap him for it."

"I doubt he'd let you," Landry said dryly.  "Anything on the missions to report, Major Kissen?"  He got a shrug back.  "The incident with the wraith perhaps?"

"One tried to cull an area, I accidentally got sucked up getting some kids out of the way," Xander said.  "Armand was with me and he was not a happy dragon."  He looked around but Cam pointed where he was napping on his feet.  "Oh, thanks.  He did the size change thingy and they all stared at him like he was a horrible creature.  Especially since he was getting pissed and smoking some.  They couldn't feed off him and when one came near me, he growled.  Then I pulled up a spell and kindly punctured their hull.  They had to land and the other ships were gotten by the jumper that the other team called.  The Marines training with us were not happy.  Mostly that we kinda rendered them obsolete for a few minutes because we reacted faster."

"Sheppard looked at the pouting Marines and told them next time to grab people to get out of the way and start shooting at darts faster, General," Jon agreed.  "We managed to save all but one villager there and the wraith were mostly all killed in that engagement.  They had a watching dart for backup that fled from the baby dragon."  Armand cooed at him.  "I like you too, scaly.  I'm still not feeding you any trees.  I heard about the pink foam of doom incident."

"I told them not to feed him pepto," Xander said dryly.

"I heard about the one on the ship," Landry admitted.

"No, Doctor Lam snuck him some when he ate some sort of bunny rabbit looking thing that didn't agree with his system.  It gave him the runs.   She got to clean up the acidic pink foam of doom and the crap after he nearly exploded all over her and the infirmary bed."  Tilla snickered, shaking her head.  "I told her not to feed it to him and was taking him out to the nice trees on a pier because it stunk.  Not even the botanists could use it."  Fischer nodded at that.  "Not my fault, General."

"That's fine, Xander.  I know how those things happen."  He looked at the dragon then at him.  "Is he better now?"

"Yes, sir."

"Excellent.  The botanists are looking forward to walking him some more."  He looked at the mission reports.  "Tree making facility?"

"Their tree cloning lab," Jon said.  "It can be run on a generator.  They're very interested in trading with the city for the new produce and the botanists told them how to nurture apple trees to plant later on.  They did remember not to feed Rodney anything with citrus."

"That's wonderful."  He looked over the other ones.  "Did you really *have* to hit on the priestesses, boys?"

"It was them or me, sir.  Or else we'd be dead," Tilla said.  "I love the military and my life but I can't wrap my mind around lesbian sex.  There's no dicks," she said bluntly.  "I wouldn't know what to do without one."

Xander looked at her.  "Oral sex."

"I think that's more your kink than theirs," Kissen complained.  "Since the holy watchers kept going 'I didn't know you could do that'."  He looked at the general.  "They were going to flog us for visiting if we didn't, General.  Xander grandly got some stress relief, so did Jon.  I claimed I was infertile and couldn't get it up.  She's female.  Fischer nearly passed out.  I've got to take you to the strip bar, kid, that way you're more used to naked women."  He sighed a bit.  "They're now willing to trade but we did warn them that there might be greeting rituals expected.  Sheppard quipped that was the third culture up there that had those."

"Wonderful," he said sarcastically.  He looked at the others.  They looked normal by SG-1 standards.  Which might be a bad indication of future headaches.  "Are the Genii going to cause less or more problems to the city do we think?"

"I think their splinter group is very dumb if he tries anything," Xander admitted.  "I ran into them with SGA-1 before you sent up my new team.   John warned me quietly then and Lorne warned us before we went out on training missions.  We ran into the regular Genii once and they were wary but I stitched some injuries they were being bothered by.  Apparently the plants up there were mean to them and had pushed them down a hill.  The local healer watched me and praised my stitching, said it was prettier than his daughter's.  I said thank you."  He smiled.  "The regular ones decided that our team is decent enough folks but that we're slightly insane.  I was humming."

"That's enough to drive anyone nuts," Cam said patiently.  "They almost stoned you to death because you got a song stuck in your head and made it spread."

"It's not my fault," he complained.  "It's a catchy song."

"Don't you dare," Jon ordered.  "This time it was something from Aladdin."

"It was last time too," Cam agreed dryly, staring at the kid.

"Not my fault!  The team movie night had it the night before!"

"Fine," Landry said.  "Did the natives kick you off the planet for humming?"

"No, but the Genii like it.  They asked me what it was about.  I sang it and they liked it a lot."

"Still sick of your mind, Xander," Jon complained.

"Hey, it could've been Brave New World or even a Celine Dion song since one of them was being played repetitively as a punishment for that one team."

"Woolsey was mean to do that to them," Kissen agreed.  "It did get Disney banned unless it was an individual watching it in their rooms alone, General."

"I can agree with that."  He straightened up the reports.  "Go rest.  You all have a day's downtime.  Xander, Joyce Summers pulled out of the surgery to correct it very well.  She's resting in an LA hospital."

"If I had a picture, I'd go over," he said quietly.  "Can I call?"

"Yes you may, son."  Xander beamed.  "Go.  Take a day of downtime."  They fled.  He looked at Mitchell.  Kissen came back.  "Any changes you can see that need made?"

"No, sir, and I appreciate the hell out of having O'Neill's younger half on the team.  Tilla and I agreed if I fall, it goes to him.  I like the boys.  They lighten each other up, a lot.  Tilla's complained about the squishy maternal feelings she claims started about the boys.  Fischer just watched it all, being amused.  I am a bit worried about Fischer in the field.   He's hearty enough but I don't think we've tested is limits yet."

"You guys still have training with my team," Cam assured him.  "For at least another month."

"That'll work.   He needs more varied time in the field.  Harris was apparently very good on Atlantis, even if he did find hidden rooms and the like."

"That wasn't mentioned," Landry said.

"That's why they're not allowed to explore without a full team backing them up, sir.  Xander got a bit lost looking for something the AI told him to find.  Instead he found a room with the memorial for the lost ones.  He found the very ancient, pre-wanting to ascend, wedding chamber.  He found someone's quarantine suite.  Something about they were sick minded but still useful so they gave him a suite and kept him in there to design things.

"Xander compared him to an insane seer vampire he once knew.  He has a real affinity for water, Mitchell.  Probably even without the mermaid taint.  By the way, he helped them make contact with Rodney.  They have a 'we won't fish off the piers and disturb your hunting' agreement with them.   Apparently they were a creation of that insane one.  That's why his suite was in one of the minor underwater spires.  The AI up there gave him full maps of everything so he could translate it.  Including hidden areas.  McKay's in geek glee over new toys."

"That's good to know.  So it went well?  You're integrating well?" Landry asked.

"Fairly well.  Harris is still a bit worried and bouncy sometimes.  I think the visit home will help."  He left after a quick salute.  Jon and Xander had already disappeared off base somewhere.  He knew where Jon's apartment was.  Tilla was probably in the woods.  He went to take a nap.  The boys had been bouncy for the last day.

***

Xander knocked on the hospital door, then stuck his head in.  "Hi, I'm back in the US."

"Xander," Joyce sighed, smiling at him.  "Get in here."  He walked in and gave her a hug.  "Thank you.  Now I can watch Dawn grow up."  He sniffled but nodded, pulling back to look at her.  "How is the military thing going?"

"Not bad.  I've got my own team now.  We're training to make sure we mesh pretty well.  I have someone on there who understands me and a female Marine."

"That's good."  She stroked down his hair.  "It's getting long."

"No one's told me to get a haircut."

"You probably should anyway."  She smiled when Dawn and Buffy came in.

Buffy punched Xander on the arm.  "Thanks."

He rubbed it.  "You know I wouldn't let her be hurt."

"I know."  She gave him a quick hug, looking him over.  "They feed you there."

"Yup, it's a pretty good caf.  Plus I blip out sometimes for soda and snack cakes."  She smirked at that.  "She's gone?"

"Fully.  They checked to make sure.  They sealed him in an airtight room and left him a knife."  She sat down on the foot of her mother's bed.  Dawn pounced Xander.  He grinned and patted her.  "So, how's the apartment?"

"I'm living on base but if we need me to, I can set up something off base for Dawnie protection."

"We should be okay now," she promised with a smile.   "Are you staying for a bit?"

"I just blipped over to check on you guys."

"Like magic blipped?" Dawn asked.

He nodded.  "Yeah, when the master mage unblocked it, I'm fairly powerful and he made sure I had ethical uses down.   With some of the spells he pulled off me, he *really* wanted to meet Willow."

"Oh, she's in trouble anyway," Buffy assured him dryly.  "Graham caught her doing magic on Riley.  She's going to be talked to."  Xander took out a pen and wrote out an address.  "Where's that?"

"A very ancient coven that's been going on for centuries.  The master I trained under was affiliated and they're not Council related."

"That'll hopefully work," she decided, texting that to Sam Finn's phone.  Sam got nervous when Buffy talked to her new husband since they were ex's.   She got back a response.   "Xander, Sam Finn wants a sit rep on how things are going."

"I'm doing good there.  They like my book collection and my pet."  He smiled.  "I can't give them anything else and if they want to know, talk to General O'Neill."

She replied that and Riley sent back a growl.  "Riley didn't like that answer."

"Yay.  It's beyond their classified status," he said dryly.

"You have a pet?" Dawn asked.

"Yup.  Armand."  He held up a finger and pushed her back slightly, disappearing and coming back with the dragon.  Who belched.  "Sorry.  He ate a toxic bunny."  He held him up.  "This is Dawnie, Buffy, and Joyce," he said, pointing at each.  The dragon sniffed Joyce, meeping at her.  He meeped at Buffy, then he stared at Dawn before yawning and pouncing her.  "He likes you."

"I like him.  He's adorable."  She smiled at him.  "So, you know, huh?"

"Yeah, I can feel it radiating off you," he admitted dryly.  "You need shields.  Badly.  Can Tara, Buffy?"

"I'd trust Tara.  It'd help hide her."  She looked at her mother, who nodded.  "Good."  She smiled.  "Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome.  Most of the time I'm only a phone call away.  Hell, I've got an enhanced cellphone that might be able to reach me most anywhere," he said dryly.  She laughed at that, batting him on the arm again.  Armand glared at her for it.

"You behave.  I'm allowed to beat up on him."

Armand looked at Joyce.  "Don't look at me, I tried."  The dragon huffed and snuggled in with Dawn again.  He gave Xander a possessive look.  "Is that a problem?"

"No," Xander assured her with a smile.  He pulled something out of his pocket and held up a finger, taking off for a minute then coming back with something.  He handed the small rock to Dawn.  "For when it's older.  It'll take sixteen months to hatch.  Keep it warm and rotate daily."

"It's a rock."

"No, it's a small egg.  It'll soften as it gets older."

"Cool."  She looked at her outfit.  Then it went down her bra for now.  Buffy moaned.  "What?  It won't show!"

Armand sniffed then licked her on the nose before putting his head down and belching.  "I can take you home," Xander offered, taking off the bracelet.  He put it back into his pocket.  The dragon grumbled and snuggled.  Dawn cooed and let he let himself be petted.  Xander looked at Buffy. "They'll be expecting Willow tonight when they kidnap her."

"Thanks."

"Welcome.  It's not a problem."  He smiled.  "The one who'll come take her will come help Tara put on shields."

"Even better.  Are they strong, ethical witches?"

"Very.  They're the backbone of ethics and even the Devon Coven answers to them."

"Cool."  She smiled.  "So what are you doing?"

"Translating."

"Eww.

"It's not hard.  I just do a lot of it."  His phone rang and he looked at it then answered it.  "Hi, Jon.  Visiting Joyce.  Why?"  He smiled.  "That's fine.  No, leave the plants alone.  Why did they pull you to look at my plants?"  He rolled his eyes.  "Make sure Morticia is moving well and don't inhale the smoke of Gomez."  He laughed.  "Yeah, that's why.  Tell Carter I said I'll be back soon.  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  "Jon tripped my protections on my office by accident.  Carter's now bright pink with orange polka dots and ready to cry."  Buffy cackled.  He smirked.  "I know who's been in my office.  There's biologists who want my pet too.  They seem to take sudden naps."  He hugged Joyce.  "I'll be back as soon as I can.  Get better?  Please?"

"I am, Xander."  She stroked his cheek.  "I have to threaten anyone you settle down with."  He gave her a sad smile.  She stared at him.  "This time at least."  He nodded, hugging the girls.  He had to pry Armand off Dawn.  "She can't have a pet until hers hatches," Joyce told him.  He meeped sadly, snuffling at Dawn, who gave him one last pet.  Then they disappeared.  "Be good to your egg."

"I will."  She smiled at Buffy.  "Maybe I'll go work with him if they're good people.  It's definitely safer than Sunnydale."

"Yeah, it might be."  She ruffled her sister's hair.  "Go get me a latte?"

"Fine," she huffed, going to do that and get her mother a treat too.  She needed it to feel better.

***

Xander reappeared in his office, scaring the crap out of Jon.  "What?" he asked.

"Don't do that!"

"Fine, I won't teleport around you," he said dryly, putting Armand on his couch.  He had to move it back by a foot.

"Cleaning crew," Sam said.  "Can I be changed back?"  He undid the spell.  "Thank you!"

"That way I know who breaks into my office."

"The other two are hiding in theirs," she said.  "Doctor Lam laughed too hard to try to find a cure."  She left to tell them that news.

Xander came over to look at his plants, feeding them things.  "Maybe I should see if you guys like the toxic bunny rabbit Armand ate."  Gomez's bulb seemed to sway at that suggestion.  "I know, you guys are meant for live meat.  Some day I'll take you guys into the woods and let you catch some."  They both got happy with that thought.  He opened his mini fridge to feed them some beef he had put in there earlier.  They eat it greedily.  "Did someone forget to feed you guys?"

Cam leaned in.  "I didn't know you were the sort to talk to your plants, Harris."

"They're waving and wiggling back," Jon told him.

"Of course they are," he said dryly.

"They're starving, Cam.  Help me carry them topside to the woods so they can catch their own for a while?"

"Hell no, they might try to eat me."

"They like you."

"Yeah, which is why they'll try to eat me," he complained.  "Have Jon help."  He walked off shaking his head.  He paused at the belch, looking back.  "I hope that was the dragon and not the plant."  He kept going.  If the plant ate Jon he wanted to be far away when O'Neill heard.

Daniel walked in with the two polka dotted people.  "Xander?"  He looked and undid the spells.  "Thank you."

"Whichever of you guys took my sword, I want it back," he told them.  One groaned, going to get it.  "Thank you.  Daniel, help me and Jon carry these two up to the woods so they can hunt?"

Daniel stared for a second.  "Let me see if we have another alternative."  He called the general from the desk phone.  "Sir, Daniel.  Harris needs to feed his plants since no one else did.  Well, I was thinking about the complaints of the giant mosquitos."  He smiled.  "We can do that.  Thank you, General."  He hung up.  "C'mon.  Grab some bug spray.  Coming, Armand?  It'll be outside."  The dragon followed while the boys carried the plants.  Jon got the safer plant.  Carrying it meant Gomez couldn't eat him.  Morticia was wrapping herself around Xander's waist.  Xander stiffened and did something back at his office doorway, then walked off.  He could handle that later.  They went through the gate, seeing the irritated SG-3.  They put down the plants and both of them seemed to come alive.  They were snacking off whole new realms of prey.  So was Armand.  Who got a bit sick but he covered it nicely with some kicked dirt.  He ate more bugs and it was good for them.

The leader of SG-3 looked around.  "Damn they're handy even if they are creepy."

Xander smiled.  "You don't like plants?"

"House plants are fine.  Addams family plants aren't.  They're creepy and kooky."

"Fine.  We'll be back in a while to get them.  Armand?"  He purred and caught another bug.  "Fine, ask if they can babysit you."  The dragon nuzzled someone, crawling up him to eat the bugs that were buzzing around his hair.   He sniffed, it did smell good.

"Don't eat the mousse, dragon," the guy said.  "I can watch him, Harris.  We're waiting on someone to meet us."

"Cool.  Thank you.  Be back soon."  They went back through the gate,  smiling at the general.  "They love the bugs.  Thank you."

"It's a handy thing to have," he agreed.

Xander smiled, going back to his office to find his teacher waiting on him.  "Hi."  Jon left when he saw he had a visitor.  "So, visiting to check on me?"

"I did."  He looked around.  "I see you made use of your skills for your own comfort."

"Just to give myself a work area.  If I was going for my own comfort, I'd have a pool."

"Good point," he admitted with a smug look.  "How are you handling things?"

"I'm okay.  I'm not stretching myself by any means.  This, some concealing spells, a few warning spells like a sleep hex and things."

"Excellent.  The coven said you gave them a name?"

"Willow.  She's having a lot of problems.  I also wanted them to look over Buffy's sister since she's the Key made human."

"Oh, no.  The Beauteous One?"

"Gone.  They handled it recently."  His master relaxed.  "Which is why I wanted her to have a guide."

"I can agree with that.  What pet did select her?"

"One of the smaller, new ones.  It's still rock hard."

"Wonderful."  He clapped him on the arm, seeing the wince.  "Fight?"

"Buffy slugged me on it."

"Ah.  She forgets her own strength."  He smiled.  "I can accept this is not a misuse.  No dragon?"

"We just found somewhere with *huge* mosquitos.  Do we have a book on dragon eating habits and stomach problems?"

"There is one such book.  It's in Ilendil though."

Xander grimaced.  "Damn it."

"Faintly," he admitted with a smile.  "At least it's not a full hellmouth.  Why?  What's wrong?"

"He's had an upset stomach a lot recently.  A toxic bunny and things."

"Yes that can happen.  For all that they can eat nearly anything they do have sensitive systems."

"Who's this?" Daniel asked from the doorway.

"This is my former teacher in magic, Master Nycom.  He popped in without warning when we were carrying the plants.  Did you like my conservatory?"

"The door needs to be bigger but otherwise, yes."  He patted him on the head.  "You should go to Ilendil to get that book and other things.  Some day he'll need a leash."

"Why?  I'm training him."

"Never mind," he said, shaking his head.  "I'll go see the young one myself."  Xander nodded at that, grinning some.  "I'll suggest a good one to mentor her more gently than I did you."  He patted him on the arm.  "Also, get your things out of my closet, young one."

"Oops."

"And the other two closets you set up."

"I did?"

"You did and clearly you've taken too many blows to the head again," he said dryly.

"They were destroyed centuries ago.  The buildings are gone."

"The closets you set up still stand.  That's the way I taught you."

"Oh.  Okay.  I can do that.  Thank you for nicely chewing on me this time."  He smirked.  "And not that way either, yes.  Thank you."

"Welcome."  He disappeared.

Daniel blinked.  "That's an interesting skill."

"It takes a shitload of power," Xander admitted.

"How did you sneak him in?"

"He showed up in here to look over what I've done."

"Oh.  Okay.  Next time, warn people."

Xander looked at him.  "Can you really keep out a non-ascended being with the same sort of power?"

"No," he admitted.  "Who was he?"

"I told you that."

"Beyond that.  Any other aliases in history?"

"Hellgate."

"I heard that word somewhere."  He went to look it up in Xander's books while Xander searched for something.  "What are you doing?"

"Finding money from Ilendil.  They have books to help with Armand's touchy stomach issues.  It'll only take me a minute."  He put on the bracelet and went back there.  He had a lot better control with his version of Jack's blippy.  He visited those two closets too.  Then he went back to pick up his order and home again.  He put down the stack of books and the two large bags with a sigh.  Daniel stared at him.  "What?"  He pointed behind him.  He looked.   "Hi, General Landry."  He put the bracelet back in his pocket.  "Sorry, my teacher showed up and told me where to get the touchy stomach manual for my pet."

"We had some power surges reading down here."  He looked at the bags.  "Presents?"

"He told me the closets I had stuff in that I thought were destroyed weren't."

"Interesting."  He stared at the boy, getting a sheepish look back.  "Was this a magical trip or another blip?"

"Um, kinda both?" he said hesitantly.  "But I didn't want someone to accidentally activate it and find something that I had stored from the future."

"Good!"  He smirked at him.  "Get another laptop?  McKay has envy."

"I could go get one."

"Don't you dare."

"Fine.  I won't."

"Would that break laws?" Daniel asked.

"Not with the mishmash of tech you guys have around here.  Besides, I made sure it can't be told apart from the others unless you look at the properties.  It's even running XP."

"If you do, Carter wants to compare it to some Asgard tech but she knows not to touch your laptop," Landry told him.

"Rodney took a lot of scans."

"I'll let her know."  He left.

Xander looked at Daniel, who grimaced and shook his head.  "No, don't."

"I could use a backup.  I have a ton of stuff on that one."

"Fine.  Make it very quick and very subtle."  Xander changed clothes into something tighter and grabbed his machine and USB key, heading off again once he had his bracelet on.  Daniel came over to look at the books.  One was on dragon care and breeding.  That was good to know.  The kid came back stumbling under a huge box.  He helped him put it on the table and he left again, coming back with a few more floating and one being carried.  He helped with those.  "What's all this?"

"Not a lot really.  He put his bracelet back and changed back into something that wasn't crawling up his butt crack.  His personal laptop got put down and the USB key got locked up again.  "This one is Sam's," Xander said, handing it over.  "I didn't shield it from magic, it won't write until she can figure it out on her own.  He did it on purpose.  It's a few decades behind mine."  Daniel smirked at that.  "Not as compact."  He unloaded the other boxes and magically sent one box to Cardiff.  Jack needed freaked out and a treat.  The Doctor had told him what to pick up and give him when he was getting his sonic screwdriver fixed.  He had put a note in too.  The rest he unpacked, including some pictures he had left.  The bags got unpacked last.  Daniel stared at what was in there.  Xander just beamed.  "No, she can only purr and coo at it."

"Sure, I get that," Daniel said, staring at the ray gun.  Compact, handgun sized ray gun.  "Modern there?"

"Ancient.  They got tired of it."

"Ah."  He went back to the books.  It was safer for his mind.  Then he carried the things down to Sam.  "Xander had to get a backup drive for his laptop," he told her, handing her the heavy box.  "That's a few decades from before his.  It won't work until you can make it work."  He walked off.  His head really hurt now.  Xander was usually nicer to him than that.  He stopped by Cam's office.  "Check on Xander's weapons collection."

"What did he pull out this time?  A death ray?"

"Buck Rogers' pistol."  He walked off, going to lay down for a nap.  He'd have to get Xander back for the headache.

Cam went down there, finding Xander nibbling on something while reading an older book.  "What's that on?"

"Dragon tummies."

"Good!"  He looked around.  There were pictures and a few other things.  He stared at them then at the kid.  "Who's that?"

Xander looked.  "Um...Ten in that one."

"Okay."  He wasn't going to ask.  He really wasn't.  He looked at the weapons.  "Laser pistol?"

Xander looked up.  "You can't have it."

"I want to try it out, not keep it."

"Bottom desk drawer.  I replaced my H&K with it."

Cam got it out and took it to the range to try out.

"If you tell me that thing came from Harris' stash, I'm kicking you out and reporting you for mental health violations," the range master warned after the first shot had burned the pretty hole in the target.

"Then I won't tell you that."  He shot another time.  It wasn't too bad.  Fairly accurate.  He found a button and turned it since it didn't push or slide.  Then he tried it again.  "Hey, adjustable width," he said, looking happy.  "Yeah, he can carry this."  He went to hand it back.  "Nice, kid.  Any other new weapons?"

Xander looked at him.  "I was cleaning out stuff I thought had been destroyed.  Oh, shit that means Helsinki isn't destroyed," he realized, going to get that.  He came back with a few more things and then went back for the big things.  Another chair and a long box.  Then another trip and he landed with another few boxes.  He left again and came back with a big door.  He hung it up over his and went into it to finish unloading it.

Cam looked inside, then at him.  "Unless you can add more room, I doubt you have room for these books."

"I'm going to reanchor it but I need them out of here to do that."

"Let me get Jackson so he can bum."

"Get me some grunts," Xander complained.  "Please?"

"Fine."  He backed out of the doorway and looked at it, sliding around the side.  He found two lieutenants staring at it.  "He needs help moving books so he can move the door."

"No way in hell, sir," one said.  "That's Harris.  There's no telling what might eat us."

"It's all books.  He already moved the other stuff."  They moaned but went to get him some grunts on the shit list.   Landry came back to look over their shoulders.

"What was so important you had to grab this one?" he asked Xander.  He pointed at the long box.  He looked.  "Artillery?"

"Not from this century."

He went to look at it, staring at it for a moment.  "What does it do?"

"Umm....  I confiscated it because it was too powerful for normal folk and the person who had it was a bad guy?" he offered.  "Before he kinda destroyed the earth?"

His teacher showed back up.  "That was impressive."

"The confiscating or the moving?"

"Both.  You forgot one."

"I don't have room for it.  I'll get it later."  It was handed over.  "You can shrink them?"

"I can.  You never read that book," he said dryly.  He put it up in a corner and reattached it.  "There."  He looked at the boy.  "Your one from Athens."  Xander beamed at him.  "Also the link to the other closet from Mysenis."

"Oops."

"And the one to the large library in Arvada.  Oh, and your one to Toler's shop."  He put those up.  He held up one last one.  Xander snatched it, knowing that one held personal mementos.  "Good.   Make yourself another room, Xander."  He disappeared.

Landry looked at him.  "What's that one?"

"Mementos from past boyfriends and girlfriends."

"I don't need to see it," he decided.  "Try to put it inside one of those."

"You can't do that because then you create a universe inside another and it leads back to a void if it's done wrong.  I'm not that good.  If I could teach Rodney how to do it, he might be able to help me figure it out."

"No teaching McKay magic," Cam ordered.  "It'll make him scarier."  He let the grunts unload the rest of the books.  Then the two bookcases and the one low table.  Xander put that on top of his couch for now.  The door was destroyed and he created a new one on the spare wall to stuff with the rest of the things he had to pull out of the older ones.  Cam watched as he ordered the grunts in how to move things.  The general locked the artillery again. Pretty soon everything was settled and Xander put that new table down by the two good chairs and spare one.  "Kid, it's too crowded," he said.

"I'll let someone steal the blue chair.  Not the recliner."

"That'll work," he decided, helping him move it into the hall.  He put a note on it that said 'free to a good home'.  Then he came back to look around the new room.  It had a ton of books.  Xander went back to look at the general, letting Cam sigh.  "Jackson would do this if he could.  O'Neill would kick my ass if he taught him to."

Xander looked at Landry.  "It was that or let them destroy everyone, General.  The person who was overseeing me that part of my trip said it was a good idea.  It solved a lot of problems and he told them that he had sent it into the sun.  Which I'm supposed to if I ever get the urge to use it."

"Can it be used to destroy a super gate?"

"The explosion might take out a solar system on either side if you toss it in and detonate it.  It's made with qualinick."

"Okay.  What if we fire it at a super gate?"

"Then it goes boom as it disintegrates."

"Okay.  What about open wormholes?"

"Hell no.  Please don't create a sucking void?  I'll get blamed and the Doctor will take my ass out."

"We'll lock this up in a way that means no one will get it, son.  Quit stressing.   We'll make sure no one touches it.  If they try, we'll send it into the sun."

"Thank you.  I don't want to face down the Doctor if that gets out."

"I can agree to that.  Can you disarm it?  Will it work if they use naqquadah?"

"No.  It won't."  He opened it and looked it over.  "I need a bomb tech."

"We have a few."  He had one summoned, making them all paranoid when it came from Harris' office.   One leaned in, in full gear.  "He managed to confiscate a higher weapon that is dangerous enough to destroy the solar system if it's set off wrong.  We're disarming it so it can be stored somewhere safely."

"Sure," he agreed, coming in to look over it.  "Do we have schematics, Harris?"

"Yes."  He pulled them out, handing them up to him.  "We have to remove the qualinick and then disable it."

"I can agree with that.  It even looks like it's dangerous."  Cam leaned out.  "What's that?"

"Library."

"I don't want to know," he decided.  Xander grinned at him.  "Any others?"

"Nothing this big."

"I want to see them all, son," Landry said firmly.  Cam came out to let him into that doorway.  He stared.  "Any artillery goes to the armory, Mr. Harris."

"I haven't had time to unpack it yet, General."

"I don't care."

"I'll do it once we get this thing done."

"Anything to note with this qualinick?" the bomb tech asked.

"Don't put a charge to it."

"I can do that.  You go unpack that.  Please?  Before you blow up the mountain?"

"It wouldn't do that."  He walked in there to sort and unload things.  Some of it got marked and was going to be put in special storage for him.  That way if they needed it, they could grab it but none of the scientists could get into the advanced weapons.  Xander did pout and pet his guns.  He was allowed to keep those.  Anything below a bazooka since he had a few of those.

The arms master gave the pile he was getting a dirty look then the boy who collected them.  "I'll make you a special room, Harris.  How about that?"

"That's fine.  Make sure it locks and only I can authorize anyone getting into it.  Especially not the design teams.  We'll be putting some things that are too advanced and dangerous in there," Landry ordered.

"I have a vault for those.  It has that glowing crystal that tried to take over people."

"I don't want them near these.  It might take them over."

"Good point."  He nodded and they went to set up the room then carried off the boxes.  The bomb tech got finished with that one and the box was labeled plus a note was added inside about what had been taken out but Xander recopied it in Linear B.  They all smiled at that.  Almost no one read that language but Jackson.  That'd work.  They left him to finish redecorating his new library with Mitchell watching over his shoulder.

***

In Cardiff, Ianto looked over as a box appeared.  "Interesting."  He paged Jack up to him.  He came up to stare at the box.  "It appeared.  I don't know what it might be."

"Neither do I."  He picked it up.  "It's not heavy.  Let me open it in quarantine."  He carried it down to the hub.  "Owen, set me up a quarantine area," he called as he walked in.  "It appeared."

"Sure."  He did that.  It was them and Gwen, and she didn't know how to do that yet.  He looked over the box before it was put into the field.  Jack opened the box carefully, finding a letter on top of a few bags and things.  Jack pulled out the letter to read, giving it a sad smile.  "Good news?"

"The Doctor had the little bastard Harris send it to me."

"So how did it appear?"

"Apparently he can do that," he said dryly.  He looked inside.  It was some of his favorite treats through the years.  A few new shirts too.  And one sparkly thing.  He held it up.  "Aww, the kid gave me a thermal grenade."  The tag on it said the Doctor didn't think the kid needed *more* weapons.  He snorted.  "I'll let his boss know he has some.  That's so sweet of the Doctor."  He took down the field and opened the top bag.  "Snack?"

Owen took one, eating a corner hesitantly.  "That's strange."

"It's a hybrid fig."  He ate another one.  "I craved these things for months on end sometimes."  He carried the box up to his office to unpack.  The shirts were appreciated, even if one was a bit...sparkly.  The tag on it said it was from a space cruise.  "No wonder," he told it, putting it aside.  Maybe Ianto would rip it off him.  That'd be a good use of it.  He unloaded the other snacks.  Owen came up for another one.  "They're not addictive."

"No but they're good."  He walked off nibbling on his handful.

Jack ate another one.  He had missed some of these.  It was a nice birthday present, even though his wasn't for months yet.  Then again, not like Tardis would land on a certain date most of the time.  He covered up that sparkly shirt before it caught his attention again.  It really was very bright.

6: Reminiscing

Xander had meant to land back in his office but apparently the General *really* wanted to see him.  "You summoned, sir?" he quipped.

"No, I had your teacher block you from going or coming back in your office because each time you do, you create a power flux in the lab above you," he said dryly.

"He was here earlier?"

"He did pop in.  He nearly scared the crap out of Doctor Jackson by doing so.  He look ed at that blank corner of yours, said 'interesting' and let me talk him into blocking that for the very good reason of saving a decent physicist's mental capacity since he was losing it over that power flux."

"I'll apologize.  I didn't realize it put off that much power."

"It doesn't.  Just enough to make his machine hiccup."

"Oh.  Okay.  Good to know.  Sorry about the trip but he needed someone who understood what living for so long and seeing so many things does to a soul."

"That's fine.  I realize that someone who's done what you have is probably not going to be easily understood by the average person."

Xander nodded.  "Not likely.   It does put a crimp in my dating habits too."

"So he showed up?"

"Mostly to see what I was doing here.  When he realized he knew who Daniel was, we went to have a beer and talk about why I was doing this.  I pointed out that you guys needed me.  He agreed, but thought I should probably have a long vacation.  That I looked a bit tired. We had a playful argument and he decided I was being naughty.  I agreed and got him back to the box, got Armand.... who may be in Cardiff," he said, considering it.  "I hope."  He shook his head.

"He decided I was being wrong-minded, I pointed out he was lonely and that's why he came looking to remember.  I basically bullied him into taking me this time by setting the machine off to pick up someone else to cheer him up.  He started to splutter and complain.  I pointed out I'm officially just over seven hundred years old.  He's nine hundred and some.

"Yeah, I understood what was going through his head.  He threw a fit.  We landed anyway and the doctor glared.  I stared back, tapping a foot.  He sighed and said at least he didn't usually run into my ex's anymore.  I told him if he didn't quit moping I was going to kidnap Martha too.  He got *so* pissed.

"So we kidnaped Jack, told him it wasn't going to create a paradox because we weren't going to visit ourselves in the twenty-ninth century, and then we took off to cheer him up.  He's happier.  Jack's happier.  The doctor's still probably going to glare at me for being pushy.  Probably for many years to come.  We talked about what I'll do after I leave here.  I told him I had a nice beach picked out, I'd move all my books there and read or surf.  I could blip to the nearest club planet whenever I needed to.

"Jack complained that I got to travel and he didn't.  I pointed out I fixed his blippy dohickey.  The Doc got one of mine but not the other," he said, holding up his arm.  "Though he tried really hard and had to have Jack steal the other one."  He smiled and held up Jack's band.  "So I took his.  I also left a note saying I'd give his back when I got mine back since mine's powered differently.  And works well, and can even pinpoint down to the hour, unlike his.

"The doctor was very upset that I had created one.  I pointed out I needed it to go retrieve all my books since he's the one who turned me into a book nerd.  It was a long, good, traveling complaint and teasing session.  Jack got him calmed down, settled back into a better mind frame, we hope.  Jack'll be back at his post in a few weeks probably.  I kinda blipped back on my own since I nearly walked in on them making out again.  So it was a good trip."  He smiled and turned.  "Like I didn't feel you come in."

The Doctor held up Armand.  "You forgot your sacred egg."

"No, I figured he was still trying to figure out if Jack was a hermaphrodite or not."

"He was."  He smirked.  "Bracelet."

"Hell no."  He smirked back.  "Because I'll do it magically instead."  The doctor huffed.  Xander stared, smiling still.  "I love you like family.  Unfortunately even Rose could think up situations where I'd need it."

"She wasn't that bad," he sighed.

"She decided she was queen of the universe until I showed her one of my ex boyfriends."

"Well, yes, but she got tolerable after that."

"Yeah, which was nice.  You two made a good couple."  He stared him down.  "It sucks, Doc.  I agree.  Not like I'm not looking at the same thing.  You can get something.  Others do travel."

"You're awfully nosy," he complained.

"Yes, and *who* taught me that?"

"I did it frightfully well I think."

"Quite," he replied in kind, making the doctor smile.  "Anyway."  He put down the dragon.  "I left Jack a note saying he could have his back when I got mine back."

"I have your other one, not him."

"Prove it."  The doctor patted himself down.  Xander smiled.  "Jack's every bit the survivor we all are, Doc.  Survival comes with hoarding things that you'll need.  In my life I need weapons and ways of escape thanks to the former lovers.  And now books."

"I don't like to encourage you to travel around the universe or the time line."

"I'm dealing with ascended," he complained.

The doctor grimaced.  "How annoying."

"Exactly!  By the way, Atlantis is very pretty."

"I haven't been there in years."  He smiled.  "Where is it now?"

"Pegasus."

"Hmm.  I might stop in."

"If you do, you'll probably blow the head scientist's mind.  They're part of the same project.  The wraith are there."

"I bloody hated that experiment!" he complained.

"How do you think I feel since the brother of my former boyfriend made them."

"At least that one hasn't shown up to threaten anyone to get you back."

"Si did."

"Really?"  He grimaced.  "How is his new incarnation?"

"Not my type.  Too gym rat.  He wanted to take over the base."

"Ah.  Well, the gou'ald are like that as a species."

"Yeah, which is why I'm here.  Then, maybe, I'll find someone who might understand a little bit," he said quietly.

The doctor nodded.  "Before you build your own Tardis.  It's unfair mine listens to you."

"She likes me and Jack and Donna."

"Well, if I could..."  He sighed.  "I told you she had problems, right?  Soaked part of me up?"

"Yeah.  Which is why I haven't visited her.  I did see Jackie recently."  He smiled at that.  "She wanted me to spank you or pinch you on the ass."

"I would've swatted you if you had."

Xander moved closer.  "You need Jack," he said quietly.  "He gets you, the more philosophical sides, and all that, more than anyone else could.  Including the times you lose your temper and have to act.  He's had a few of those."  He stared at him.  "He needs you just as much.  He's forgotten how to *live*.  The same as you have."

"Like you have?"

"I'm picking my reasons but I realize what I'm missing.  Remember, I'm common sense man."

"Yes, you usually are."  He sighed.  "I still don't like letting either of you travel."

"You'd rather I be stuck in something that could kill everyone?"

"No," he admitted.  "I don't.  With you that's almost certain I know."  He scowled at him.  "You don't need two."

"Backup."

"Well, yes.  I suppose."  Xander gave him a hug and he relaxed, hugging him back.  "You're still pushy."

"You taught me well, Obi Wan."

The doctor popped him on the head.  "I hate that movie.  Anakin was a little snot."  Xander beamed at him.  "Fine.  For now I will leave you both able to travel.  Make me correct something and I'll ground you both somewhere nasty."

"Nastier than the planet with the sludge geysers?"

"Well, no.  I can't do that to anyone."  Xander grinned.  "Fine.  Give me Jack's band."  Xander gave it to him.  He gave him back his other one.  "I took out the power crystal."  Xander dug it out of his pocket and held it up.  "Figures.  Rose did teach you how to pickpocket," he complained.

"It helped me get that poison from the guy who was going to kill you.  Again."

"Good point."  Xander kissed him, making him smile.  "No, I'm not mad at you.  Peeved slightly but I realize I turned you this manipulative now and then."

"Slightly.  That and being surrounded by girls."

"Probably.  What is with that younger sister of hers?"

"Dawn?"

"Yes, her."

"The Key?"

"Oh, shite," he muttered.  "Why?"

"Glory."

"Gone?"

"It was handled.  Her host is gone."

"Thank God."

"I sicced my master's coven on her to mentor her and enforce a shield."

"Excellent work, padawan."  Xander grinned at that.  "Fine, you're both right, but I have no idea what I need in a new companion."

"I'd offer you Doctor Carter.  She's a physicist."

"No, I don't believe she'd probably enjoy it."

"Doctor McKay would love you forever and ever if you took him somewhere to learn a safer power source than a zero point module."

"I can't believe those stupid Lanteans used those dangerous things," he complained.

"I'm trying but unless I take Rodney with me back to Josele I can't help that much.  I don't know science stuff."

"I dare say not," the Doctor said firmly.  "That's outside human evolution."

"Yeah and I went there by accident, trying to get back to this time zone with Jack's band.  At least mine's precise."

"How on earth?"

"I visited all six," he defended.  "I learned a shitload, even if I didn't really like Josele most of the time."  He brushed his hair back.

"You need a haircut."

"I know.  I'll do it soon.  I don't know but you need someone fun, who wants to learn.  Someone that needs to explore to have that fun.  The only one I know right off the top of my head is my team leader though."  The Doctor gave him a look.  "Sir...."

"Is this going to be a long term thing?" he asked.

"No, he can probably come back within a few months."

"Then I'd leave it up to him."  He had him summoned.

Xander waved him in.  "C'mere.  This is...."

"You're a myth," Kissen said, staring at him in awe.

"No, if I am it's his fault," he said with a nod at Xander.  "I keep having to rescue him from his lovers."

"I've seen a few of those."  He glared at Xander.  "Don't date."

"Shut up," he complained.  "I'm not spending the rest of my very long life alone."

The Doctor stared at him.  "You figured out what happened to you and Jack both.  I thought I knew but you knew I was wrong somehow."

"Yeah, I do.  It's an energy warping.  Otherwise Rose would be immortal too."

"Oh," he said flatly.

Xander smiled.  "Remember Baxter?"

"Quite.  Very nice chap.  Bit too furry for my tastes though."

"Remember the thing in Baxter's people's temple that they were fighting over?"

"Yes."  His face lit up.  "Jack touched it later.  Baxter had you hiding it."

"It's basically like a contained hellmouth in energy.   All in a little ball the size of your fist."

"That's why none of the priests could touch it," he realized.  Xander nodded.  "So you're...."

"Really need to find out why I draw bad girls and guys.  Yeah.  Anyway, Kissen, he's bored.  He and I get into a lot of quibbles."

"You made me eat slugs."

"They were good slugs," Xander reminded him.

"Well, yes."

"And it's something you hadn't done before, right?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you complaining about it still?"

"They were coffee flavored *slugs*."

"You had me eating frog parts."

"Good point.  They were good."  He smirked.  "How do you feel about Barcelona?"

"I loved the city but I've only been there on a layover to the Middle East, Doctor."

"He's also a *huge* history buff," Xander said.  "He's slightly scientific, has my caffeine habit so you have an excuse to pick up Grootz berries and drop me off some?  Please?"  The doctor smirked but nodded.  "And I think you two will get along great.  He and I do."

"I can't see as it'd hurt," he said, looking at him.  "You're probably needed to keep him sane."

"He has Jon O'Neill."

"I know that name from somewhere."

"You probably know Jack's name," Xander said dryly.  "Since you knew about Daniel."

"Oh, him, yes.  Well...."  Kissen smirked.  "You even look like him.  I did have fun with him.  He made me do all sorts of odd things.  I should warn you about games of hide and seek in native marketplaces."  He walked him off.  "No blipping, Xander, unless necessary."

"Yes, Doc.  Want me to give Jack his bracelet back?"

"Please."  He tossed it to him.  "Do you have the spare sonic screwdriver?"

"I have two of them downstairs."

"Never mind.  You hoard some of the strangest things."

"We disable most of them and lock them in a very secure vault," Landry assured him, getting a happy smile back.

"That's probably wise.  Do watch out for what wants to date him.  The more they covet the worse they are."  He and Kissen disappeared.

Xander looked at the General.  "Permission?"

"Go.  Come back by in the morning."

"Sure.  Armand, wanna go see Jack and his snuggly?"  He purred, hopping over to sit on his shoulder.  Xander disappeared, reappearing in the hub.  "Well, this is very industrial and grungy.  I would've at least expected paint."

Jack's head slowly came up.  "What're you doing here?"  He came out of his office to stare at him.

Xander smiled.  "I came to hit on Owen in person."  He held up the bracelet.  "He's traveling with my team leader."

"You said good things about Kissen."  He came down to get the wristband.  "He still have yours?"

"Hell no."  He smirked.  "Mine's *accurate*."

"Mine is if you know how to use it."

"All yours needed was a jumper wire and he couldn't undo it."  He stared.  "He said he'll paddle us both if we screw something up."

"That's fine.  You coming for an apocalypse?"

"Damn I hope not.  I'm dealing with Lanteans."

Jack reached up to scratch the dragon's head.  "Poor baby.  An ex?"

"Yeah.  And some of them made psycho experiments like the wraith."

"Pity."

"I've been asked o take someone back to Dragas."

Jack stared at him.  "How did *my* band get you back that far?"

"I don't know, I was aiming for about 2001."

"Shit, kid.  You really do have bad luck."

"Sometimes."  He heard a squawk and a flap of wings.  "Don't even think about it, bird.  He'll change and bite you back."  He looked at Jack again.  "I pointed out he wasn't actually alone and he did have someone who understood how lonely being over a hundred was sometimes.  So he'll come back sometime.  Probably just snatch you off the street during the middle of something."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"How do you know this?"

"Twenty-ninth century."

"Ah.  I'll look forward to it," he offered with a smile.  "You're still a bastard."

"Probably literally.  Not like my mother would've realized."  Jack snorted at that, shaking his head.  "Anyway."  He smirked at the men watching him.  "Ah, hotness."  He smirked at them.

"He said you're much too wild for me," Ianto said.

Xander snickered.  "Sure I am."  He looked at Jack.  He decided to put it into code.  "If and when it does happen that you have to make the most painful choice ever, call.  You know you only have to call," he said quietly in a language he knew the boys didn't know.  It hadn't been invented yet.

Jack nodded.  "Thanks for the warning, kid."

"No one should have to go through what I did with Majera."

Jack shuddered.  "I'll call.  Or send."

"That'll work too."  He kissed him on the cheek then looked at Owen.  "Can I steal that one?  He'd be much nicer when he poked me than the docs on base.  Cuter too."

"No, you can't steal my staff," he complained, giving Xander a shove to the head.  "Behave.  Go home."

"Why?"

"Martha's coming over later."  Xander leered.  "I don't want to hear it."

"Fine.  Spoil sport.  You know where I am, translating away and running off ex's."

"Which one did you run into *there*?"

"Si."

"I remember hearing about him."

"Now we have Priors."

"Ori?" he mouthed.  Xander nodded.  "I'm damn sorry."

"Ehh, the other place I could be has wraith and replicators.  I'm about to take a sobvernt to them.  It'd be *so* much easier."

"Yeah, probably.  Too bad that's future tech."

"They're on the city."

"Really?"  He hummed.  "Then it might not get you in trouble."

"They know.  They asked to do a memory review and ignored all of yours."

"Thanks for that."

"You know, if I hadn't been possessed by your spectral image stored in that thing, I wouldn't have loosened up enough to learn anything on Dragas."

"Probably from what I've heard about them," he agreed with a smirk.  "Or date Baxter."

"Speaking of, remember the Conedal?"

"Yeah, the little ball."

"It's a hellmouth compressed."

Jack considered that.  "But...  That's what warped your energy signature....  Oh, that's what did it!" he shouted.

"Yeah.  I told the doc and he pouted a bit."  He shrugged.  "If it was what he thought, Rose would be too."

"That would suck for her, stuck in another realm."

"Yeah, it might.  Anyway...."  He looked Owen over again.

"I'm only for fun, not for stealing."

"There is a great, long tradition of stealing the best mates," he said smoothly, moving closer.  "Taking them back to your clan so they can have the best of the best to help them prosper and grow."  Own growled.  Xander smiled.  "I like that."  He shifted closer.  Armand sniffed him and leapt over to Jack's head.  "Sure, he can dragon sit for a few hours or so.  I know a beach where all you can see are waves and the sand is soft enough to sleep on.  I have a small cabin there."  Owen moaned.  "Is that a yes, I'll let you make me scream your name?" he purred.  He took Owen with him.  He was *definitely* his sort of man.

"The kid needs smoother moves," Jack told Ianto.

"If someone purred at me like that, I might take them up on the offer too," he said dryly.  Armand leaned down, purring at him.  He smiled.  "You're adorable but a bit too tiny for my tastes."  He petted him gently.  The dragon continued to purr.  Jack moved closer so he wouldn't have to reach.  "How long are we dragon sitting?"

"Probably not too long since he took him out of time I think."  He took a kiss.  "You look very staid today."

"It's new."  The dragon walked over and let Ianto hold him, cooing at him.  "You are very friendly and adoring.  The boy must love you."  He petted him gently.  Jack was growling.  He smiled at the beast.  "Come on, we'll make him something to settle his stomach."

"I have what I need to settle my stomach."  Jack caught him and walked him off to his office, closing the blinds.  The dragon waddled out a bit later and went to talk to their pterodactyl.   They were distantly related.  Jack got his fill of his ...stomach medicine.  Ianto looked a lot less proper afterward, which just made him hotter.  Maybe the little bastard was right.  Giving this up so he wouldn't hurt again would rob him of Ianto.  He didn't want to lose him to someone like Xander.

***

Jon looked at his watch then at the general.  "I can't believe Harris is off base, much less late."

"He went to return something earlier."

Xander appeared in a sparkle of light.  "Sorry.  Forgot what time it was.  Had to return Owen."  He sat down, putting his bracelet into his pocket.  He smiled at Jon.  "Kissen is talking and traveling with my old friend."

"The one in the picture?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"He was lonely," he said quietly.

"I can kinda understand that.  So.... how long?"

"Probably within the month."

"That's fine, I can handle this team."  Tilla moaned at that.  "Not like I don't have all my memories."

"We'll be SG-1, the return," she complained.

Xander smirked.  "Not quite.  I'm not exactly Daniel.  We maybe SG-1 the party years some trips though."

She snorted.  "Yeah, that's not going to happen, Xander."

"Oh, come on, you know you *love* meeting some of my ex's."

"No, please no more ex's," she moaned.  "Pretty please?"

"Fine."  He smirked at Cameron since he was at the end of the table.

"I take it Owen was good?" he asked dryly.

"Very, and gave killer backrubs when you could bribe him into it."  He beamed.  "I needed one."

The general coughed.  "Talk about that in your office, Harris, not at a debriefing.  You are going on the training run to an ally who has some technology but not a lot."

"Gotcha, no making them superior weapons," Xander said.

"Please don't and anything you make is now our property, Harris," Landry said.  "Coffee's in the corner."  Xander got up to get some.  "Thank you.  Next time dose yourself before you show back up."

"Yes, sir."  His phone beeped so he looked at it.  "Huh."

Cam stole it to look at the message.  "Next time don't leave him so limp and begging right before work.  I need him able to pounce on my command, not yours," he said dryly.   "Does this one want to destroy the earth?"

"He works in Torchwood."

"Never mind."  He tossed it back.  "That poor guy."

"Owen's very snarky."  He beamed.  "I like him."

"Enough," Landry sighed.  "This is an off-topic that should not be mentioned in my presence."

Xander shrugged.  "Jack knew I was bi.  I pointed that out heavily when they showed up for me."

"Daniel said that," Cam agreed.  Landry moaned.  "Okay, back on topic.  These people are a bit above the Genii in tech.  They're about as socially retarded as the Genii too."

"Lacking women's rights?"

"Grew out of a dark ages society so yeah."

"That's fine," Xander agreed.  "Are we expecting trouble?"

"We hope not.  We're going to warn them about the Ori's newest threat being in their section of space.  They know there's other planets with life.  We get along very well with them usually."

Xander nodded, sipping his coffee.  "Okay, so we go, warn them, check on things to see if we need to update the trade agreements."  Everyone nodded.  "What'm I doing?"  He finished his coffee.

"Looking cute so no one tries anything," Jon ordered firmly.  "If they come for you, let us know.  We know they have a few women who have questionable morals."

"Sure.  I can play bait."  He smirked.  "I'm very good at it."

"I realize that, kid.  Get your gear.  No ray gun."

"Shoot," Cam muttered.

Xander stuck his tongue out.  "I never go anywhere without enough weapons, Jon.  You should know that by now."  He went down to get his pack.  Armand followed.  He got himself geared up and came back drinking a can of soda.  Jon stared at him.  "What?" he asked between gulps.  He finished it and tossed it in the recycling can they had in the gateroom for last minute gulping before crossing the gateway.

"Was it that bad?"

"No, it was very good.  Such a nice, hot, smartass in a leather jacket."  He moaned and shook himself.  "He said I could visit sometimes."  He grinned.  "Shall we?" he asked when the gate whooshed to life.

"Let's go, campers," Jon agreed, putting on his sunglasses.

"Have you been watching CSI: Miami again?" Xander quipped.

"Yup, sure have.  Got bored waiting on your exhausted ass."

"It's not that tired.  Just like after a good workout."  They walked through the gate and came out the other side.  "Hi," he said with a smile.

Jon looked around.  Mitchell came out after him.  "Normal?"

"No.  What's wrong?  Is there something we can help with?"

"There's a sickness," the old man in front of the group said.  "It is not safe."

Xander stepped forward.  "I'm a pretty decent field medic.  Let me look at it and we can send for a healer?" he asked Jon, who nodded they could do that.  Mitchell sent that back too.  "Lead me to the sick."  The old man smiled and led him off.  He walked into the building a few minutes later, walking over to one that was getting a face sponging.  "Let me," he offered quietly.  She flinched.  "I'm a medic, they're sending for a healer."  He moved her gently aside, squatting down.  "Aww, I know what this is."  He patted him on the head.  "You need to keep them out of the light," he told them.  "If the sores pop around their eyes they can be blinded."  They nodded at that.  He clicked his earpiece.  "Jon, me.  Tell them it looks like measles."

"We have had such before but these look different," the woman sponging said.

"There's a few different types of measles.  Who was the first case and what did they run into?"   She pointed and he went to look.  He got a sponge to clean off his face.  "You need to boil the rags after they've been used a single time.  The puss spreads from it to another one."

"That would be why they got sick after starting to get better," the old man said.

"Probably," Xander agreed.  His earpiece came on with a report from Mitchell.  "That's fine.  Tell her she might need some clean cloths for sponge baths.  They're reusing right now.  It looks just like it.  Sure, I can do that.  One of the team leaders asked me to take pictures for the healers."  They nodded so he did that.  He sent it back.  "There, Cam."  He listened.  "That's wonderful.  Yeah, we can do that."  He hung up.  "Do we have anything like an antiseptic to add to the water?  Or even a really strong liquor?  Something you would clean infections with?"  They shook their heads.

"Cam, no alcohol available."  He dug into his medical kit, coming out with something.  "Ah."  He held up his bottle.  He shook it.  "This will numb it," he told them and the patient.  "It's got a lot of alcohol in it to clean wounds as well.  I use it in the field for scratches."  He put some on a cotton ball and dabbed it on the sores he could see.  One burst but thankfully he had put on gloves.  He smiled.  "It'll be okay.  We'll help.  There's a doctor coming."  He cleaned up the mess and moved to the next one to help there.

Doctor Lam came in a half hour later.  "Xander?"

"Measles, doc."

"I saw that."  She came over.  "Ambesol?"

"Seventy percent rubbing alcohol and it numbs it so it won't itch.  I don't have any calamine."

"Then that's logical."  She settled in to treat them.   "This is really bad."

"That's what I was thinking.  I'm wondering if something's not egging it on."  She looked at him.  "They said it looks different than their last outbreak," he said quietly.

"It's probably a different strain.  Did any visitors come through the ring in two weeks before the first one got sick?"

"No," the old man said.  "None for months.  We have these epidemics every few years.  The fevers start and we set guards on the ring to warn any travelers."

"That's very wise," she agreed.

Xander felt someone's forehead with his wrist.  "The fevers aren't so high thankfully, just the pustules."

"I'm going to send some back to be tested, make sure it's measles and not something unexpected," she said.  They both nodded at that.  "Here," she said when her team came in.  "One of you get this back to the lab."

"I will," Xander promised.  "I'll be back in about a half hour, let me tell them," he offered the natives.

"All help is appreciated.  This is most of our village."

Xander nodded.  "We'll do what we can to help."  He took the swabs and left them there.  He ran into Cam on the trail.  "Most of their village is sick."

"One just collapsed."

"I'll take him, get those back to the lab for the docs?"

"I can do that."  He let the two soldiers hand the guy to Xander to help him back there.  He took it back and sent it through the gate.  A while later a paper was delivered.  "Shit."  He jogged back to the village.  "Doc!"  She came out.  He handed it over.

"That's not good.  Figure it out, Mitchell."  She went inside, handing it to Xander.

He stared at it.  "The Ori?"

"We had one of them visit us almost a month ago," the old man said.  "You know of them?  They claim they can do miracles."

"They kill people, whole cities, who don't convert," Xander told him simply.  "They're false Gods and they're not good people."

He nodded.  "We did not believe.  They said the ones who converted would be saved.  I was sick when I was young so I did not get it because I know I did not convert."

Xander shook his head.  "No, they did this so they had something to heal to prove their points."  The old man nodded, leaving the building.  He looked at the docs.  Who all nodded he was right to tell them.  He got back to work on his current patient.  "What if we released them and gathered the puss on things we can burn?" he asked.

"They'll scar," Doctor Lam told him.

"Better that than having them burst and get into their eyes."

"I'd leave that up to the patient," she said.  "No pins."

"I know.  No pressure, no pins."  He looked at the very pustule ridden one he had.  "Up to you."

"Please.  I ache and itch."

"I understand."  He got to work releasing some of them for him, especially on his face.  "When I was younger, we have a disease called chicken pox.  It's a lot like this one only you usually get less sores.  They're kind of yellowish.  They itch *so* much," he told him with a smile.  "I had to have mittens tapped over my hands.  My parents complained for *days* when they had to take care of it.  Eventually one of my friends came to check on me because I hadn't been in school for a few days.  They got their parent to come take care of me instead since mine had no idea what to do.   She was so good to me.  She made me all sorts of soup to drink.  She gave me this really nice pink stuff to put on them so they quit itching."  He moved the hand away.  "Don't scratch."

"Do you have any of this pink medicine?"  The doctor tossed over a bottle and a bag of cotton balls.  "That is very pink."

"It is but it helps a lot.  Also, oatmeal baths.  Putting some in the water can soak the puss out and help the itching.  You can even use it to wash your hair."  He covered the ones he wasn't releasing.   The man moaned and shifted but he was happier.  Xander got one on the buttcheek that was bothering him and he sighed in pleasure.  "I know.   Laying for so long sucks.  You feel weaker instead of stronger, even when you're getting better."  He covered that with the antiseptic cream.  "Doc, I have a bed sore starting."  She came over to look, pulling out another tube of cream to put on it.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  She smiled.  "They have to move off their backsides sometimes or they get sores like the people who are bedridden."

The nurse nodded.  "I know of such.  I have tried."

"It's okay.  I'm not criticizing.  Just telling you so you know in the future."  She smiled and relaxed at that.  "Come help."  She came to help, learning how to put on the pink liquid and how to gently ease the pustules open if they wanted to.

Xander touched his earpiece.  "Shit.  Incoming Ori Prior."  The docs all groaned.  He took off his gloves.  The rest of the team had hidden so they wouldn't get into a fight with him.  They didn't have the sort of ordinance they'd need to take out a prior.  "You guys stay in here."  He got up and walked out, leaving his tactical vest and main gun in there with the head doc.  It'd make him look less threatening.  The prior stared at him when he came into view.  "This village has a sickness.  You must leave before you are infected."

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" he demanded.

"I'm a field medic.  I'm treating these people.  Measles sucks that way."  The prior sneered and raised his staff.  Xander shot it with his backup gun.  "I said go.  Before you spread the sickness to others."

"The faithful do not get sick."

"Neither do those of us who got the vaccination."  He stepped closer.  "You are not welcome here."

"They will burn!" he shouted.  He raised his slightly warped staff.  Xander snorted and took it from him, breaking it and tossing it aside.  "How dare you!  Heathen!"

Xander yawned.  "You're so fucking boring."  He poked the guy in the chest.  "I am Xander, also know as Tias Diamalan."  The man flinched at that name.  "I have seen what you and yours do to your converts.  The ascended should not accept the Ori."  The prior backed up again at a new poke.  "You were wrong to sicken these people and I will make sure it does not happen again.  Even if I have to pull up something that will destroy the Ori for this.  Leave this village and never come back."  The prior took another step back.

"I'm waiting," he sneered.  The prior roared and tried to rush him.  Xander pulled up a weapon and shot him.  "I'm feeling merciful so you can bring a message back to your supposed powers.  Tell them those of us who know what is truly right have decided to enter this battle.  To keep themselves within their borders.  It will not be pretty if there is a war.  I did learn *much* from my travels."  The man gripped his leg, nearly crying.  "Those who know the truth would not be expecting a true priest to be hurt that way.  Now, leave.  Before you offend me and I hand you to something to own you."  He got up and limped off.  Xander stared.  "Tree fucker," he muttered.

"Xander," Doctor Lam said.  "What did you call yourself?"

"A name I earned when I was traveling, Doc."  He took his vest back and put it on.  The prior saw him doing it and whimpered.  "I said go!" he shouted.  "Before you piss me off some more!"  He limped faster.  He took his gun back and holstered it, going back in there to help out some more.  "Sorry, prior's are fucking morons sometimes.  Oops, kids, don't swear like me.  It's bad to swear unless you're a warrior and old enough to have earned that right."  A few giggled weakly.  He got them some water.  "Is someone feeding them?"

"We have not had enough energy," the nurse said.  "We have given water and what we could."

"I can cook, kinda," Tilla said as she walked in.  "You shot him in the thigh?"

"Yeah.  I used a name I earned when I was blipped too.  He wasn't happy to hear it was me.  Can you make broth or soup?"

"Definitely."

"Please?"

"I can do that."

"Boil the water," Doctor Lam reminded her.

"We have water stores, doc, just in case that's where it came from."  She went out to the town square.  She saw a curious people coming up the street.  "Halt, the people of this village are ill."  They stopped and stared.  "We're taking care of them.  They have a disease with spots and high fevers."

One stepped forward.  "Our village has had the same but many got better faster," he said.  "Can we help?"

"We're lending our doctors to them.  They might use the help.  Otherwise, I'm making them soup."  The others went to gather things for her to use.  The guys brought her some firewood and one found a huge kettle to cook in.  That'd work.

***

Xander came out of the building and stretched later that night.  "Ow."  He winced, stretching side to side.  He had spent hours squatted down.  Doctor Lam smiled at him.  "They'll be okay I think."

"They should.  The ones that came in to help were warned."

Xander nodded.  "What about others around here?"

"Cam's called to tell them I'm sure so they can be warned.  So, what was he scared of?"

Xander smiled.  "Doc, I fought in many wars when I was gone and I was all over history," he said quietly.  "Pre Furling to the future."

"What did it mean?"

"Warrior King."  He grinned.  "I do lead impressively when necessary."

"But you're tired."

"I am.  Which is why I have Jon and them."  He beamed at Tilla.  "Right?"

"Yes it is."  She handed them some soup.  "They sent up some ramen noodles to add to it for the later dosings so they get more carbs for energy."

"That'll help," she agreed.  She sipped.  "Nice job, Major."

"Thank you, Doctor Lam."

Xander gave her a one-armed hug.  "You spoil me with real food."  He walked off drinking.  "Bunk area?"

"Main Council building, Xander."  He nodded, going that way to clean up and sleep.  "He really is a goofy kid most of the time," she said quietly.

"I realize that.  If he has to go into warrior mode, I'm doubting the enemy won't be begging for mercy."  She finished her soup and handed back the cup.  "Thank you.  Let me bunk down.  We have a second shift set up."  She nodded.  Doctor Lam went in to get the local nurse.  "You have to rest too.  Come on.  Let my people handle it for a few hours.  Eat and rest."  She nodded, going to get something to eat and bathe, then sleep.  Doctor Lam found a bedroll saved for her.  She laid down, crashing within seconds.

***

Jon woke Xander up when he had a nightmare, staring at him.  "This rep comes from where?" he asked quietly.  Xander groaned and got up, taking him outside.  "Just a general time frame might help."

"Back when the Ancients were around, and wanting to live, there was a fairly heavy war.  There was a precursor to the Ori culture."  Jon nodded at that.  "They wanted the technology the Lanteans had."

"Okay.  So Merlin and all them were attacked?"

"Not just them.  The ones on Atlantis too.  They really wanted the city.  Called it a holy city.  I had just been blipped in, was injured in fact, and was being healed off the city by Janus and a few others who wanted to know what had happened to bring me out of time."  He stretched then lifted up his shirt, showing a scar.  "I showed up with that; it was highly infected and nearly punctured my stomach."

"It looks painful."

"It was."  He put his shirt back down, tucking it in.  "I won't lie.  I did take up with one of them.  When they got attacked, I helped.  That name comes from the other people's culture.  During a battle I noticed they had some slave warriors.  Basically chained together and handed short swords."  Jon shuddered.  "I pointed this out to my lover of the time.  He said they didn't have time to worry about that.  So that night, I snuck off, freed them, and got them into the battle as real warriors.  I led their force of newly freed slaves against them.  Half of them couldn't fight but they really hated them and would help anyone who would help them get free.  They were just as brutal back then.  In the original Book of Origins it talks about the fight being when the Ori were formed and forged into what they later became."

"I've heard that," he admitted.  "Nothing in detail though."

"It's taken out of most of the modern ones from what we've heard from their people," Cam said as he joined them.  "That was you?"

"That was them.  I was arm chair generaling.  I told them how to sneak, how to break people out.  They freed the rest of the conscripted slaves from the other side.  Even if they weren't their people, they agreed to fight together then.  When the lines finally broke and ran, they captured a ship and crew.  They made them take them back home to free the rest of their people.  The Ori fought against them for years before finally subduing and wiping them out."

Jon nodded.  "Okay, that explains why he looked like he was ready to piss himself."

"I broke his staff."

"That's nearly impossible to do," Cam said.

"Um, Cam, I am Mr. Impossible sometimes," he said dryly.  "And I do have magic.  I sucked it out of the staff.  It wasn't that hard.  They're all low level, barely floating and things."

"Good to know.  I want a full report on that war once we leave here."

Xander nodded.  "Okay.  I can pull up my journal from back then.  He's one boyfriend I haven't run into.  I almost expected it when I was Atlantis but apparently he was being peeved at me somewhere else.  Needless to say, we broke up because I did what was best to drive those people off, not to help the city defend itself.  They were fairly big assholes sometimes about their superiority.  Called me a barbarian a few times until I pulled out something from far beyond their range of tech.  Then scared the crap out of them with magic.  Which I'm pretty sure is why the city kept sniffing me with that little probe that came out."

"I noticed each time you did something with your gifts it came out," Jon agreed.  "So, they hated you for that?"

"I think they were disappointed that someone like me couldn't see the inherent good.  I also think that my boyfriend took some blood samples and I spent some time knocked silly somewhere fairly white.  So I'm not sure if they didn't do a full scan on me at the very least."

Jon considered it, looking at Cam.  "I want to see that journal.  Just us and Landry.  It could help."

"It wasn't the Ori then."

"No but the original Ori were ascended during that battle?"

"I think one did.  I think the rest just formed their desire to do the same.   Then again, I can't see why anyone would want to spend eternity floating around, watching things, going 'I'd do that differently'."

"Daniel said he got to watch a lot of things happen," Jon offered.

"Which is boring.  You have to watch, not interact, not talk to people, not dance, sing, play, laugh, any of it.  What's the point of it?  It's not life.  It's a version of hell."

"Maybe that's why some of them started religions," Cam said.

"To amuse themselves?  Maybe."  Xander shrugged.  "Doc and I agreed on that point.  They have to be bored."

"I can see that very easily," he agreed.  "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You were having nightmares," Cam said quietly.

"I always have nightmares, Cam.  Since I was sixteen there's never been a night I haven't had nightmares."

"I get that."  He patted him on the arm, seeing him wince.  "What happened to that?"

"Buffy hit me on it that day I blipped to see her after getting back from Atlantis.  Cracked it a bit and it got strained today."

"You didn't get it checked?" Jon asked.

"Why?  It didn't need a cast.  I could comfortably do my pack or fire if I needed to.  I have kept away from sparring.  I took reasonable precautions."

"What if I had needed you to use it?" Jon asked.

"Then I would have and went 'ow' all night."

"You really do need to quit doing that," Jon told him.  "You have to take care of yourself for your team, kid."

"Jon, I'm older than you."

"Not really."

"I've got over seven hundred years, Jon.  Yeah I am."

"Okay, that's a point.   It's sad you never learned what a team was during that time though."  He walked him off to talk to him about that stuff.  He knew the kid wasn't used to the concept of more than friends and being there beyond what you'd do for anyone in your unit.  SG teams were closer and he had to get that.

Cam smiled at their backs.  "I knew they'd fit."  He went to check on the docs.  "Need anything?" he asked quietly when he caught one outside having a smoke.

"No, not yet.  You okay?"

"Fine.  We woke up to ask Harris how he had made him run."

"He broke his staff and scared the crap out of him.  He does it to many Marines on the base," he said dryly.  "Half of them think he's one of the Ancients that descended."

"No, and he called their existence boring."

He shook his head.  "I can see that but it's a bad indicator."

"He had a few temporal trips."

"I know that but they still think he's one of them."

"He wasn't on Atlantis before that trip."

"That's going to ease that.  I'll let that be spread around."  He finished up and went back inside.

Cam checked the rest of the town.  He had to think about Harris and what he went through.  The boy clearly needed someone who could get into his head and calm him down.  He doubted anyone on his team would do but someone had to ease that pain he had been carrying around for way too long.  Five years or seven hundred and twenty-one years was too long.

***

Xander walked away from the group, going to his office to grab something.  He walked back into the debriefing, handing the General his journal.  "Mitchell said to give that to you, General."

"What is it?"

"The Lantean/Cervana war."  The general stiffened, staring at him.  He shrugged.  "Accident, injured.  Never been in the city before."

"I can understand that.  There's a few accounts of that told in stories and myths."

"Yeah."  He smiled.  "I know."  The general snorted, putting it aside.  Xander sat down in the free seat.  "Did we find out how they dosed the people?" he asked the scientists.

"Yes, it was put into the water," his team geek Fischer said.  "We were able to use a filter to get it out of there.  We taught them how to run it and it's helping a lot.  The filter runs on solar power, we taught them how to clean the filters every few weeks so they won't have to replace it, and we can check on it whenever we go up to do trade visits."

"Excellent," the general praised.  "How are their people, Doctor Lam?"

"They'll heal.  This generation will have a lot of scars but their children should gain a natural immunity.  Anyone that was pregnant did miscarry because of the measles.  You see that on earth too, that's why they get the measles booster."  He nodded at that.  "Most of the sick ones lived.  They lost maybe ten percent of that village.  Others that had already caught it fared slightly worse.  I'm fairly certain it was engineered to be bad, but not totally fatal to prove the Ori's point."

"Probably," he agreed.  "We've heard rumors from the teams going to warn the others around that planet."  She grimaced but nodded slightly.  "Other than that, anything else I should hear?"

"Did you already hear that Harris shot a prior?" Jon asked.

"I did and I commend him for it."  Xander shrugged slightly, looking at his hands.  "Maybe they'll be scared of what's in there?"

"The way they recorded it I was like a version of Satan and a boogey man against them stepping out of line.  I freed people from the earlier righteous path, which led to the Ori finding the truth path.  I know one of their seers wrote that when the battle reappears with ones of our skill, the Ori were going to have to change again.  They didn't like it but it's in one of the versions of the Book."

"I had someone look that up for me," General Landry said.  "You're right, it does.  It doesn't mention you by name."

"No, it calls for warrior kings to reappear."  He looked at Cam.  "I heard something about Excalibur?"

"Yeah."

"Wouldn't that make you a technical king?"

"Yes it does and I am a hell of a warrior.  Plus O'Neill."  Jon smirked at that.  "So you're saying we can capitalize on that."

"Yeah," Xander agreed.  "If you pulled it, you're basically the heir to Camelot.  Now, if their people agree, I have no idea."

"One hinted that we warriors were just as strong as before," Sam Carter said.  "Did you know them?"

"No, I knew Asha."

"Oh, him."  She shivered.  "I found his works in the database when I was on Atlantis."

"How far beyond a scan did they go?"

"I didn't realize that was you.  Appeared in a flash of light, a serious injury infecting your mind.  A lost traveler who had compassion beyond what they thought was necessary."

"I freed the slaves they had chained together in battle.  Did he mope too?  I know a few others have."

"Yup," she said dryly.  Landry moaned.  "He said he created a probe to catch whatever you could do so if you found the city they could figure it out.  That it might be helpful."

"Yeah, it came out to sniff me a few times," Xander admitted.

"Wonderful."  She smiled.  "That ball in your office started to beep and the spell started to feel wrong from your doorway so we removed it."

"I fixed that when I was in there.  Thank you."

"Welcome.  Why didn't you give me those books?"

"Their funny math drove you mad?" he guessed.

"Not those.  The other one Rodney said he found in your office."

"From...."

"Blue and green?"

"I'll have to check."  He shrugged.  "And ask him.  "When was he in my office?"

"He's the one who found the ball beeping and tossed it into the hallway.  I have no idea how or why he was back."

"Huh.  Okay."  That raised an interesting question about whether or not he had taken McKay somewhere.  Apparently he had.  He looked at the general, who looked confused.  "Some geeks show up in the damndest of places, sir.  I prove that rule."

"Yes you do," he agreed dryly, shaking the thought off.  "Anything else of note I should hear?"

"The locals have gathered a planet-wide council to talk about how to handle it if a prior shows up again," Cam told him.  "We told them how to defeat one.  About the shields some can pull up.  About Adria in case she shows up."

"Wonderful.  Good work.  Doctor, you made sure no one might be contagious?  Including the dragon?"

"I didn't scan him but the rest of us aren't, General.  I'll do him in a minute."

"That's fine.  Dismissed.  Downtime today."  They left.  Xander let her take Armand.  He could waddle back when she was done with him.  He settled in to read that journal.  It wasn't a happy time, though the boy seemed to be happy yet frustrated with his boyfriend of the time.  Why was it all his male lovers wanted him back and moped but his female ones were evil?

***

Xander came back from his latest mission and flopped down on the end of the ramp, looking at the general.  "Can I have a vacation on that beach and translate there for a while?"

"Why?  Sick of us already?" he asked dryly.

"No.  Though I'm going to kill the next person who asks me if I'm an ascended being."  A few Marines flinched away at that.  He looked around the general at them.  "I only screwed one, people."  He looked at him again.  "You'd think that was stranger than an emperor," he said dryly.  "No, I really want a vacation from Adria."

"She showed up?" he demanded, staring at him.  "You were supposed to be negotiating."

"I heard and saw the beginning of their battle unit.  I got the town cleared.  A few wanted to stay.  I chewed them a new one and told them exactly why they were going to stay with the people.  I went back to monitor and they spotted me.  I led them away from the town and to an open clearing.  I stood there and she propositioned me.  I told he she wasn't evil enough to be one of mine and suggested she talk to some of my ex's.  She snarled.  I cooed and called her a cute, fluffy puppy."

He smirked.  "She's not happy.  I think she's a bit confused."  He stood up with a groan.  "She claims I can't be me.  So I teleported across the field and shot her battle unit.  She shrieked.  Wasn't fond of me.  Screw her.  Well, no, I have taste so I won't."  A few guys laughed.  "We were staring at each other.  She pulled some power bullshit.  I pulled some power bullshit.  She tried to float me.  I called lightening.  She glared, I blew a kiss.  I think she wants me more now.  She threw stones at me too.  Which still hurt like a bitch, but then I gallantly picked her up in her leather outfit and tossed her ass in the river up the road a bit.  By about a mile.  Could still hear the shriek.

"I walked off cackling past where she was climbing out in wet leather.  Told her if she wanted a man like me to quit being such a bitch to the normals.  Killing those that don't convert only makes her a bully and no one would sleep with them or anything else.  Apparently one of the Ori said she should be looking for an heir for when she ascends."  He walked around the general.  "I'm going for my tylenol stash then I'll go back there to make sure she's gone."

"I'm sending a bigger team," he ordered.  "You go to the infirmary."

"I'm fine," he complained.

"That's not the way this military works, Harris.  Infirmary, now."

"Fine."  He trudged that way.  He walked in.  "Doc, I need tylenol.  Adria got pissy and threw stones at me."

"What?" the doctor on duty demanded.  "Adria?  The super Ori prophetess or whatever?"

"Yeah, Doc.  Bad girl, I'm a Xander.....  She got huffy after I nearly fried her because she was trying to be all tough and bitchy."  She stared at him, mouth open.  "Doc, I didn't know you were the evil woman type," he said dryly, making her hit him on the shoulder.  "Ow!  I'm already in pain from her and her hissy!  Treat me better or I'll ask you out!"

She huffed off to get him some tylenol.  Plus what she needed to scan him.  "Shirt off, Harris."

"Yes, dear.  I keep hearing this from evil girls.  Are you sure you're not one?"

"I can make you believe I am," she assured him.  She scanned him, finding the bruises.

Daniel walked in, staring at Xander.  "You ran into Adria?"

"I managed to get the village cleared in time.  She spotted me reconing her group."

"Okay.  Then what happened?"

"I led them away from the village so they wouldn't burn it.  I shot her battle troupe.  I pissed her off in finest Xander fashion.  She tried a jedi trick.  I pulled from D&D; I called lightening.  She threw rocks at me, which is why I'm here.  She threw another 'how dare you thwart my will' fit.  I threw her ass in a river.  Then I came home cackling."

Daniel patted him on the arm.  "Good job, Xander."  The doctor glared at him.  "He kept her off balance and from attacking."

"He did stupid things to make her lose her temper on purpose."

Xander stared at her.  "Yeah.  Every woman needs to throw a fit sometimes.  It helps more than crying does."  She huffed off again.  He put on his shirt.  "So anyway...."

"We're going.  You're staying here."

"Fine."

"Landry wants to see you to debrief."

"Yup."  He went up there, shaking his head when he saw his team.  "Did I screw up again?" he asked.

"No, we want you somewhere safer."

"I'm one of the few that can go head-to-head with her powers."

"That's why I want you to see if anyone on Atlantis can learn, Xander."

"Sure, I can go stare at the sea," he said dryly.  "Any other objectives since that'll take about a day?"

"Translate more of the database.  Don't piss off their natives.  See if you can do something about the replicators."

"Maybe, but it's future tech."  Landry stared at him.  "You confiscated it."

"Go get it, brief me on what it does, how it does it, and have McKay duplicate it if it works."

"Yes, sir."  He went to find it in his special room of pleasure.  He waved at the armory master.  "I'm taking the pink thing to Atlantis for McKay."

"That's fine.  Pet away."  He waved a hand and went back to his paperwork.  "We did an inventory earlier so it's unlocked."

"Cool beans."  He walked in and found the case, checking it over.  They had removed a part for safety reasons so he found it and put it back in the case but not installed.   He petted the other cases and walked out, kicking the door shut behind him.  He made note of what he took then Xander walked it up to the office.  "Why can't we just infect one with a trojan worm?"

"Carter couldn't figure out how," Mitchell said dryly.

"Can't we ask Rodney?"

"Go ahead.  If he can, Carter might allow him to flirt again," Mitchell shot back.

"Sure.  I'll ask."  He put the box on the table in there.

The general came over to look it over.  "What's it do?"

"Disrupts all computer pathways.  Organic and electronic based systems are both vulnerable."

"Can it be used on people?" the general asked.

"No.  Non-carbon based lifeforms.  Will that work on the replicators?"

"Probably.  Permission to take it to Atlantis granted."

"Cool."  He smiled.  "Are you sure you don't need me to beat her back?"

"No, we got it," Mitchell promised.  "You and yours, hit Atlantis.  We want you safe so you can kick her ass when we need you too."

"Okay.  Tell her I sent a blown kiss."  Mitchell smirked.  "She's probably still complaining she's wet from being tossed in the river."

"No dragon?" Cam asked, looking around.

Xander opened the door.  "Armand!  We're going to see Ronon's hair!" he bellowed.  His dragon came skidding around a corner and running for him.  "Good boy.  I knew you wanted to see him."  He looked at the general.  "Let me pack."  He left to do that and came back with a duffle bag and his usual backpack.  Armand jumped up to ride on his back.  "Sure, you do that and Jon can carry the weapons."

"That'll work," Jon said as he walked in.  "Why did you pack half of everything in your office?"

"How long are we going to be up there?" he countered.

"We can do wash."

"Yay."  He shrugged.  "So can I."  Jon just nodded, grabbing the case.  "Anything else we're taking, sir?"

"No.  Go.  Shoo," he said, waving a hand.  "Behave.  No annoying that galaxy, boys."

"I'm not like that," Jon complained.  "Tell Xander!"

"You're both like that and worse than your older self and Jackson," he said dryly.  "Both of you behave!"  They nodded and let out a sigh as they walked.

"Remember, we gave them Tilla and Fischer for common sense," Mitchell said dryly.  Landry laughed, nodding.  He gathered his team, walking down to the gate room once they gathered.  "Adria showed up to hit on Xander."  Carter moaned.  "They traded some power shots.  He threw her in a river.  Let's go see if she's still pissed off."  They grabbed extra weapons and headed out.  Adria would hopefully be pouting like most of his ex's.

***

Xander got out of the beaming area, looking up.  "Why can't we put a trojan worm into a replicator?" he asked Rodney since he was staring at them.

"We can't crack their programming so one would work."

"Oh.  At all?"

"No."

"Damn it.  Well, I guess the method of last resort is then the disruptor beam that'll work if they're organic or electrical."  He pointed at the case.  Rodney smirked.  Armand had spotted Teyla and hopped down to go greet her.

"Why are you back?" Woolsey asked.

"They didn't want me to bait Adria the next time.  Just throw her in a river directly."

Rodney smirked.  "You threw her in a river?"

"She was throwing a Buffy 'eww' fit."

"Ah."  He came down to take the weapon.  "Is it operational?"

"Chip's out but in there."

"Wonderful.  Let's get this to the lab," he ordered.  "Did you bring anything else?"

"Not yet," Xander admitted.  "Where do you need us beyond the database?"

"We'll find you a spot," he promised.  "Sheppard's off at a local thing with the Athosians."

"Cool beans."  Armand growled and pounced Ronon, making him laugh.  "Be nicer," Xander called.  He shook his head.  "At least he's not belching and puking this time.  Same rooms?"

"No.  We'll get them soon."  The rest of the team followed.  "Fischer, check in with Radek.  He could use you."

"I can do that," he agreed.

"Me?" Tilla asked.

"I'm sure we'll find a spot for you, the mini General, and Xander outside of his laptop."  Xander smirked at him.  "What?"

"Sam has an older version of mine."

"That's cruel to taunt me," he sneered.

Xander snickered.  "I might have gotten a spare USB keydrive for you."

"Is that all?"

"It holds eighty gigs."  Rodney's face lit up.  "And I may have brought something else."  Ronon went jogging past, the dragon getting tossed to him.  "Need help?" he called.

"No!"

"Okay."  They walked into the labs.  "Hi, Radek."

Radek spun, staring at them.  "You're back?"

"Yeah."  He smiled.  "For a bit."

He smiled.  "Good!  I think I have found something I want to teach."

"I'm stupid about classroom teaching, Radek.  I can't learn a thing from a lecture."

Radek nodded.  "I can work with that."

"Okay, then you can try."  He smiled.  Jon put the weapon on a clear table.  "New toy."

"Wonderful!  Sheppard will quit pouting."  He came over.  "What is it?"

"Power line disruptor for electronic or organic computer systems."

"Ah!"  He hugged him and Xander hugged back.

"Please no more flirting," Rodney complained.  "If you want him that much, take him on his own time."

"You never give him a day off," Xander quipped back.  He looked at Radek, smiling.  "You are adorable."

"I'm much too old for you."

"Not hardly.  I like my men a bit smartass."  He winked.  Radek laughed, walking off shaking his head to look at the weapon.   Xander opened his duffle, tossing something at Rodney's head, making him catch it.  He pulled out another two cases and put them down and another longer box, putting it aside.

"Did you have to pack geek gear?" Jon asked.

"Yes, I'm among the super geek crew.  Sam won't play geek games with me and Daniel is too busy because everyone makes him do their work for them."

"We have lazy geeks?" Jon asked.

Fischer nodded.  "Yes we do.  Where is Kissen?"

"Traveling with an old friend."  Rodney stared at him.  "I offered to introduce you."

"Damn."  He went back to looking it over.  He was nearly ready to coo.  He might even sleep with Xander if this thing worked.

John strolled in.  "You're back again?" he asked dryly.

"Yeah, the General wanted us out of the way since bright boy there threw Adria in a river," Jon said dryly.

"She was throwing a fit!  I was having Buffy flashbacks."

Rodney snickered.  "I can see you doing that."  He held up the gun.

"Oh, that's shiny," John said, staring at it.

"Replicator Be Gone gun," Jon told him.  "We think."

"Hell yeah."  He took it to hold, looking it over.  "Wonderful."  He smiled at Xander.  "I love your hosting gifts."

"Oh, I brought more.  Including something I found in my closet.  My ex's paper journal."  Rodney spun to stare at him, mouth slightly open.  He pointed.  "I never made it to the city back then.  Sorry."

"You knew an ancient?"

"I knew a few ancients.  I was kinda in one of their battles too.  That was before they gave up on life and wanted to ascend though.  He wasn't that bad in bed."

John held up a hand.  "Don't.  Please?  I'll have thoughts about the Asgard, who don't have sex organs."

"That's a bad decision in my book too," Xander admitted.  He genuflected at the boxes with a huge smile.  "Rooms?  That way Armand can plan his assault on Ronon's hair."

John snickered.  "I'm sure he'll appreciate it.  Teyla too."  He walked them off, finding them rooms.  He got them settled and they all headed back to the lab, but Jon, he went to the gym.  John met them back there.  One of the other linguists were looking over the fragile scrolls.  "Xander, let him do it."

"Sure."  He moved over to the weapons design station, looking at the thing they were working on.  "Wouldn't it make more sense if you...."  He turned it upside down.   "Since that's the user end and the shooty end?"  He looked at them.  They groaned.  "And wouldn't that be more sensible if they had increased the barrel size since it's too small to fire the size bullet it calls for?"  He looked up at them.  They slumped.  "If you want it to fire .22's you could do it that way."

"No, we need a higher caliber bullet," one sighed.  "Why are you back here, Harris?"

He smiled.  "I threw a super Ori into a river."

"Ah," they said in unison and nodded.

"I didn't know we were the stargate program's version of the FBI office in Iowa," one said dryly.

Xander glared.  "It's not.  You know, I could not translate the rest of the database."

"You do that and I'll paddle you myself," Rodney warned.

Xander blinked his big, brown eyes at him.  "Promise?"

"Not you!  Them!  You two morons!" he started, making them sit and sit down to let him yell at them.

Sheppard shook his head.  "Xander, can you give him an alternate idea on that?" he asked politely.

"Of course.  You guys know I like you.  You're a good big brother."  He beamed.

"I like you too, kid."  He smiled.  "Do that and let them do the translating on these scrolls while we play with the new shiny thing.  Fischer, help Radek if Rodney wants you to."

"I already told him that."

"Good.  Tilla, want gate room duty for a while?"

"Sure, I can do that.  Jon?"

"He's in the gym making Marines sorry."

"Better him than me.  I hate it when they sob because a woman just kicked their butts."

"Don't make me suggest we let them spar with Buffy," Xander quipped.

"No thanks."  She gave Sheppard a look, getting a smirk back.  "Have fun, sir."  She went to check in and see what they needed her to do.  Guarding, geek support, or telemetry.

John whistled, breaking into Rodney's tirade.  "Let's test this baby."  Xander came over to insert the chip and beamed at him.  "Find me something we can blow up, McKay."  He lifted it and walked out following him.

Xander smiled at Fischer.  "Need help?"

"Nope.  It's real science, Xander."

"Okay."  He grabbed a pencil to chew on while he looked it over.  Then he drew lightly around the plan.  One of them made a protesting noise.  "I'll retrace it in a minute."  They sulked.  Xander looked at them.  "Got any others before he yells at you again?"  They got him a few more and went on break.  Xander shrugged, sitting down to work on things.

"What are you doing in the labs?" someone shouted from the doorway.  "You're not science corps, Harris!"

"McKay wanted me to look over the weapons design plans," he said without looking up.  "They had problems like inaccurate barrel sizes."

"How would you know?" she sneered.

Xander looked at her.  "Because with the right stuff, I can build weapons, woman.  What's your problem this time?"

"You're not one of us."

"Then take it up with McKay.  He's with Sheppard.  I can call if you want."

"Just get out of the labs."

"Shut up, I am having headache!" Radek shouted.  "I want them here!  You, go do something less whiny!"  She growled.

Xander kept himself from purring.  "Is she an evil girl, Radek?"

"Unfortunately she is only annoying," he said, glaring at her.  He had activated his comm.   "Go away!"

"He should not be in the lab!  He's not a scientist!  He didn't even go to college!"

"And yet one of the biggest math stars currently in the magazines is a guy from India who never went to school and couldn't read," Xander said dryly.  "Just because teachers make me bored as shit, like you, doesn't mean I didn't learn anything.  I learn best by hands-on methods.  Doing it instead of being yammered at by people who have no idea that they aren't important to anyone but themselves."  She let out a shriek.  "Anything else you want to complain about or can you follow the second-in-command's orders to go away?"

"You're not supposed to be in here!" she shrieked.  "Get out of my lab!"

Rodney walked behind her, grabbing her by the hair to walk her off.  "Let's discuss this," he ordered snidely.  "Harris, back to work for my pleasure."

Xander purred.  "Oooh, man of snark!"  Fischer burst out cackling, shaking his head.

Radek turned off his comm.  "It would help his mind and mood much.  We would appreciate it if you would."  He got back to work, nudging Fischer before he fell onto the floor from the stool and bruised himself.  "Back to work before McKay comes back and yells at the rest of us for enjoying that."  They smiled and got back to work.  Xander just grinned at him.  "You especially.  The more you please him, the happier he will be with the rest of us."

"Sure, Radek."  He got back to work on the plans.  He heard a scream of frustration and went to check on them.  "Didn't it work?"

"No," John said.

"It was in the armory.  Landry made me give the babies over."  He looked it over.  "Get me a soldering iron?"  Rodney went to get one.  Xander fixed the broken line and handed it back with a grin.  "Slipped wire."  John put it back together and fired it.  This time it worked.  The running motor stopped with a grinding noise.  McKay went to look it over.

"It looks like it should work," he said.  He tried, it wouldn't restart.  Xander walked off happier.  "Steal Andrew's files too, Harris.  Make me happier than normal."

"I brought chocolate with me."

"I'll mug you later."  He went back over the motor.  It wouldn't start but he wasn't sure why.  He tore the thing apart, finally finding the fault.  He beamed.  "That'll work."

"On replicators?"

"Yes.  Or possibly on a ship's drive."

John smiled.  "Don't make me beg you to add one to a jumper."

"I'm sure I could sell tape of you begging and make a lot of chocolate money," he said dryly.

"Hell, I'll buy you chocolates," he said dryly.

"Then I suppose I might be able to handle that demand."  His comm clicked on again and he heard her screaming some more.  He stomped of to grab her.  Xander was holding her off the ground so she couldn't take a swing at him.  "Who started it?"

"Her.  She took a swing at me and I didn't hit her back.  I'm only holding her up."

"Thank you.  Put her down."

"I can carry her anywhere.  It's safer."

"He's groping me!" she shouted.

"I can't hold you up and grope at the same time," Xander told her.  "Besides, you're evil enough for my tastes but you're ugly.  I only like pretty evil ones."  She burst out sobbing.  He handed her to Rodney and walked off shaking his head.

Rodney stared at her.  "Are you done?" he sneered.  She shook her head.  "Pity."  He walked her to the infirmary.  "She was throwing a raging fit at Harris for doing what I told him to, twice.  The last time he had to levitate her to keep her from hitting him since he didn't feel like beating her back."  Keller groaned at that.  "She claimed he was groping even though he said he doesn't have the control to do that.  She burst out sobbing when he said he wouldn't touch her anyway because she was evil enough but not pretty enough."  She nodded.  "And she said she's not done yet."

"I'll sedate her."  She got into the medicine cabinet.  Rodney glared, arms crossed over his chest until she could stick her with the needle.  "There, that should be good.  What started her fit?"

"I have Harris looking over some weapons designs."  He walked off.  "Make her sane or put her out of my misery."

"If she doesn't end up sane, I'll tell Woosley," she decided.  She went to warn him.  "Do you have a minute?"

"I heard the screaming.  Did he grope her?"

"No.  He told McKay he can't do it and hold her up."

"Good."  He looked at her.  "What happened then?"

"She decided to throw a fit because he was doing what McKay wanted in the labs."

"Is it the same one that had the problem with his pet?"

"Her lab partner."

"Is she staying?"

"He ordered me to make her sane or put her down mercifully."

"If she's still raging when she wakes up, she can pack tonight to make the ship tomorrow."  She nodded and went back to make sure she was all right.  When she woke up, she was still complaining so she delivered her to Woolsey, who listened for ten minutes then told her to pack.   She huffed off and threatened to tell the IOA.  He shrugged and sent the email himself.  He went to find Harris in the mess with the others of his team and SGA-1.  "She's going home."

"Thank you.  I'd hug you but you might like it."

Woolsey smirked.  "Hugs are elemental comfort actions."  He walked off.

"Huh?" Xander asked Jon.

Sheppard smiled.   "Hugs make you feel good."

"Oh.  I guess."  He shrugged and stuffed his mouth.

Tilla looked at Jon, who was trying really hard not to react to that.  John and McKay were too.  Ronon was frowning like he didn't understand and Teyla had that look of 'aww, he needs one' on her face.  They'd spar with him later, they knew Xander liked sparring and it would be a good thing for him.

***

Rodney cornered Xander the next night.  "I need to know what they taught you and it didn't come through exactly in a way that I could understand since it came through in their language."

"Jack and Landry denied the request."

"I think they're being short sighted."

Xander sighed.  He knew that having Rodney show up in his office out of the blue was a good indication that they had been traveling and had gotten one of his bracelets.   "They can send us both to UNIT for this, Rodney."

"They'd send me back to Area 51," he said dryly.  "You'd go to UNIT."

"Yay."  He sighed.  "If I gave in, and I'm not saying I'm not since you're wearing a scary copy of Willow's resolve face, you do know that the teacher will demand sex and servitude.  They won't put up with egos.  They won't teach you anything unless they think you should know."

Rodney swallowed. "I'm prepared for that."

"So you've had receptive anal sex?"

Rodney sighed.  "No."

"Neither had I then."  He stared at him.  "Yeah, he got pushy.  Which is why I don't really like him but I respect him and his mind."

"Can we bring him forward?"

"Beyond kidnaping?"

"Oh."  He paced a few steps in each direction.  "I still think I need to do this."

"And I agree, Atlantis needs safer power alternatives.  We're going to run into the same situation no matter what.  You're going to be on your back begging for them to teach you something and I'm going to be doing the same thing while expected to control your ego because they'll see it as I gave my teacher a new student."  He curled up some.  "They weren't sure they wanted to teach me when I showed up but they decided I needed to know and Master Josele was the one who they gave me to."  Rodney stared at him.  "Yeah, I had to consent, and they were telepathic enough to get the point across.  I was confused, scared, and wanted to cling to someone *real* badly when I did that.  I was sick as hell too because going that far back is supposed to be impossible.  Which was how I did it four times."

Rodney nodded.  "I understand that.  I can control myself."

"Rodney, be honest.  If he tries to teach you something other than you want to know, your temper will start.  He'd probably do it to provoke you because they consider egos to be a sign of a flawed mind."

"Oh."  He sat down, looking at the boy.  "Was it that bad?"

"Not when you like it.  After a while I grew to respect him, even if he was crap in bed and a pushy top."

"I saw a lot of that."

"Yeah, exactly."  He looked at him.  "If I could find a different set of people to bring you to, I'd break that order."

"But that one is too much for either of us to take," he said.  Xander nodded.  "I can understand that.  What about going forward?  Or even back to the Furlings?"

"Didn't they use ZPMs?"

"I believe so."  He considered it.  "What about going ahead?"

"I can't take you too far ahead and you wouldn't be able to look at anything that's going to happen here or anytime around your life."

Rodney looked at him.  "Its your life too."

"Technically, I'm kinda going to live a lot longer than you, Rodney.  Some of the energy I got touched by warped things."  He shifted, letting his knees down so he could cross his legs on the cushion.  "I don't know.  I'm still trying to figure that out.  There's rumors of three places that might work but I have no idea where or when they were."  Rodney nodded.  "The Doctor didn't either when I asked him, and I did tell him it was to get a safer power supply up here before you guys ended up destroying universes.  He agreed that was a noble goal but he had no idea when they were.  Not his thing."

"Is there any way to see if his people know?"

"They're all dead, Rodney.  There was a war that cost both sides almost all the lives."

"Oh."  He considered it.  "What did you know of power structures in the future?  Or can you get me textbooks that might help?"

Xander nodded.  "I did."

"The funny math ones?"

"Those are their textbooks.  I struggled my way through it.  I can do their math better than ours."  He shrugged.  "I've also got the ones from when I got my computer.  I gave them to you last week on the ship."

"I haven't unpacked that package yet."  He smiled.  "Let me do that.  You tell me if you find evidence on when they were."  Xander nodded.  "Thank you."

"The same rules might still apply."

"I understand and I'd gladly bark and beg for that information, Xander."  He left, going back to his room to unpack that box.  Sure enough he had three new textbooks, still wrapped in cellophane, and a huge block of good white chocolate.  The kid had spoiled him, it was sweet of him.  He settled in with the textbooks.  They were *far* beyond what they had now, but maybe....  "Crystal resonance energy?" he muttered as he read, biting on the hunk he had broken off a corner.  He moaned.  That was good chocolate.

***

John looked up as one of the scientists walked over to where he was staring outside at the oncoming storm.  "Um, Colonel?" she asked quietly.  He looked at her.  "Um, I don't want to interfere with your relationship with Doctor McKay but you guys got a bit loud last night."

"I'm not dating him," he said bluntly.

"I know the frat regs and don't-ask-don't-tell stuff, Colonel.  Most of us don't mind since you apparently put him in a good mood last night, I just wanted to warn you that you two got a bit loud last night."  She fled before he could answer.

John sighed, shaking his head.  He hated that rumor.  He walked toward the cafeteria, finding Xander sleeping on a couch with Armand on the back.  "Harris!" he snapped.  Xander woke with a start.  "Didn't I give you a room?"

"I was watching the stars and thinking.  Sorry."

"That's okay.  Go clean up, it's breakfast."

"Yes, sir."  He went to do that, Armand following at a trot.

John shook his head, going to find Rodney to see who he had gotten loud with.  Since apparently it wasn't Xander hitting on him this time.  He found him in the mess and sat across from him with his own tray.  "I got told you got happy last night?"

"He sent me white chocolate and new textbooks."

"Ah.  One of the engineers decided we got loud."

Rodney snorted, shaking his head.  "It was excellent white chocolate."

"What's the textbook on?"

"Crystal resonance energy flows."  John looked at him.  "ZPM energy isn't safe."

"No it's not," he agreed.  "If you could find one, could we recalibrate everything?"

"Yes.  It'd take a few months but yes."

"Hmm."  He ate a bite of breakfast quiche, then shrugged.  "Then that's up to you as long as everything would work, it was safer, and logistically sound to upkeep."

"That's what I'm trying to figure out."  Xander came in, still with damp hair, and sat beside John.  "What does *his* ship run on?"

"Huge crystal that pulses.  Why?"

"One of the textbooks was on crystal resonance energy."

"Yes it was."

"Do you know how he calibrated his?"

Xander looked at him.  "Do you really want to turn Atlantis into a Tardis?  Because Doc would paddle my ass."

"Well, no," he admitted. "But to be able to draw that sort of energy."

"He has to recharge his in a rift now and then.  Which means a quick trip to Cardiff every few centuries."

"Can we link it to a rift?"

"Sure, if I create a hellmouth sort of structure."

"No, I don't want that."  He considered it.  "Are there other things that it could be linked to?"

"A spot of true void maybe.  But that can cause a black hole as you know."

Rodney nodded.  "It could, yes."  He went back to thinking.  "I don't know."

"And you know I'm not the science sort, Rodney.  I'm sorry, I wish I was."

"I know.  I can figure it out with what you do remember.  After all, I am a genius for a reason."

Xander smirked.  "Much better than I am.  I keep protesting that I shouldn't be in the super geek category."

"Xander, you learned three dead languages by the time you graduated high school to help with the research.  It took Jackson three years to learn Summerian.  Yes you are," John said.  "Even before you blipped.  As you pointed out to the loud one, schooling doesn't always matter to super geniuses or super geeks."  He stuffed his mouth again.  "McKay, if you turn this city into a tardis, I will beat you," he promised.  "Then him for helping you."

Xander shrugged.  "It wouldn't be the first one."  Rodney gaped.  "He beat me for wanting to play pranks.  Decided it was evil."  Rodney moaned.  "So....  I need to start looking at things in the database about that meeting."  He finished up and went to log in and do that.  The AI room had a chair he had pulled in last time so he could sit and talk with her.

John looked at Rodney.  "Find a *safe* method."

"I'm going to."

"Good!"  He finished up and tossed out his tray, going up to do his paperwork.  Xander seemed down.  He went to find Jon first.  "Why is Xander down today?"

"I don't know," he admitted.  "I caught him sleeping on the couch but for once he wasn't having a nightmare so I left him there."  He glanced around then at him again.  "I don't know.  I think he's trying to help McKay and is upset with himself because he can't, he's not into science."

"Which I understand.  I feel the same way sometimes."

"You don't have advanced knowledge."

"Good point.  Did they ever talk about a trip if he can still travel?"

"Landry turned it down and Jack agreed on the basis that it might be too dangerous and lose them both."

"I can agree with that," he decided.  "What if they break it?"

"I'm pretty sure Jack realizes it could and might happen.  The kid's eager to please since we like him and accept him.  Plus he's getting frustrated because he knows that some things need to happen but it'll be hell in the upcoming war if they don't get fixed first."

"I can agree with that.  I'd feel the same way."

Jon shrugged.  "I don't know how to help them and it's getting frustrating watching them both be frustrated."

"Maybe Radek will come out with a good idea soon.  It happens a lot when Rodney's stuck."  He went to talk to him.  "Radek."  He came out of the lab to talk to him.  "Rodney and Xander are looking at alternative power sources that're safer."

"It would be appreciated but Xander is not scientist."

"No, he's not.  So it's frustrating them both.  Xander can't spit it back out and Rodney didn't pick it up from his memories."

"Then the best thing would be to link them like you two were during the crystal nightmare creature thing."

John smiled.  "Tell them that.  It could help."  Radek nodded, going to find Rodney to talk to him.  John felt much better even if he did have to do paperwork.

Radek found Rodney muttering into a new textbook.  It still had that new textbook smell to it.  "What if we linked you two?" he asked.  "Like we did during those nightmares?"

Rodney's head popped up, looking at him.  "That might be like one of us possessing the other and Xander keeps possessions."

"It wouldn't work anyway," Xander said as he joined them.  "Radek, my brain's chemistry isn't fully human anymore."  Radek groaned at that.  "Not just because of the taint but because of all the traveling I did.  Being exposed to that sort of energy changes a body.  I got it starting at home because of the dimensional rip in my town all the way through all the traveling I've done."  He looked at Rodney.  "Beyond that, I'd probably never agree because that would leave you with a direct copy of my brain in yours and yours might explode.  Not a whole lot of regular, even genius regular, brains can handle an extra seven hundred years."

"You're miscounting," Rodney said. "You went through seventy centuries, Xander.  That's seven thousand."

"Some of it was nearly in the same time zone.  Or out of our direct time zone."

"It doesn't mean your body didn't go through it."

"Yeah, but it's depressing to be older than Doc.  It's my last sanity saving attempt."

"I can understand that.  What he's suggesting isn't that though.  It'd basically put one of us into the other's dream state."

"Rodney, I got Jack's memories pretty much the minute I put on the wristband.  My mind sucks in other's energy.  Nothing we've found can stop that.  That means one of us would have copies of the other's full life.  Which means I'd finally quit being so math and science stupid."

Rodney sighed.  "I understand the reasoning and the wariness," he said patiently.  "Can you do this sort of math?  Maybe give me hints where it's not going right?"

"It took me nearly three thousand years to learn our math, Rodney.  I am math stupid.  In the extreme end of math stupid."

"You said you do this other form easier."

"Yeah," he said cautiously.

"So help me through the textbooks."

Xander stared at him.  "I can't teach."

"Have you ever tried?" Radek asked.

"No, because I know I can't teach."

"So do the exercises with him, that way you don't lose knowledge," Radek suggested.  "Be study friends."  He left them to it.

"I guess," Xander offered.

"That would work.  The crystal resonance or the older?"

"I'm better at the older.  It helped me learn the later ones easier.  It's like human math is a stumbling block a lot."

"Then we'll start with the older ones," he said, grabbing some pencils and notebooks to start on them together.   He picked the first exercise and pointed.  "Start there."  Xander zipped through it and beamed.  Rodney looked at it sideways.  "Now do it slower with all the steps?"

Xander showed him on his paper.  Rodney nodded, using those steps to do the next exercise set.  "Wow."

Rodney smiled.  "It's not often I'm at a disadvantage in matters of math."

"You know, they had a lot of people that showed the same sort of energy warping I have.  They told me that once I had learned the native language."

"If I thought it'd help, I'd sit a jumper too close to a star," he said dryly.

"No, I don't think that would help and you'd get a nasty sunburn."  He got back to it.  He had an idea.  But he sighed.  The Doctor would beat his ass.  Rodney looked at him since he had apparently sighed out loud.  "I could, possibly, take you back to the hellmouth before even the Native Americans got there."

Rodney shook his head.  "Too dangerous."  Xander nodded, relaxing at that.  He noticed Xander skipped a chapter. "We're meant to?"

"I have never been able to figure that one out.  It's in geometry curves."

Rodney looked it over, building on what he had just learned.  "This may be the most helpful chapter," he said.  "This is on energy flows."  He showed him how it was in their math then how they were describing it in terms that the boy would understand, weapons fire arcs.  Xander beamed at him for that and they did that exercise.  They were kind enough to give an answer key in the back for that chapter's exercises so they went back over the one that they had both gotten wrong.  "Ah!  An extra variable that would warp the curve and flow."  He showed him and the boy hugged him.  "Get off," he said but he was smiling.  The boy beamed and they got back into it.  They made it through that book by breakfast.

John strolled in with two overly full trays of food.  "What are you two doing this time?" he asked, putting the trays on top of the notebooks so they had to eat.

"Food," Xander moaned, digging in.  Then he started to write something that hit his mind.  He had no idea but it might be important.

John took Rodney's notebook when he held it up.  He looked through it.  "That looks like flight patterns," he said at the stuff that Rodney had to figure out.

"I had noticed that.  It's energy flows," he said between bites.

"It's different values but it looks like resistance formulas."  He turned the page and kept going.  "This is interesting."  He looked at the last few pages then what Xander was doing.  "Rodney."  He came over to look, taking the pencil to input the numbers as he knew them.  Xander shook his head, putting in his own and finishing the problem.  Rodney beamed at him and redid it in human numbers, then related it back.  "A multiplier formula," John said, patting them both on the back.  "Will that help?"

"Tons," Rodney said, beaming at the boy.  "Good job."  He finished his breakfast on the way to his white board.  He got onto an energy formula on how to power a generator, moving up from there would be easiest.  He input the one for naqquadah.  Then the one for a ZPM, then the new one.

"What about water breaking down ones?" Xander asked.

"That's cold fusion and it's a myth," Rodney said.

"No it's not."  Rodney stared at him.  Xander shrank down some.  "They had big power bubbles on lakes.  The undrinkable lakes.  It always rained there so people moved away and let them harness it there."

"I'd like a textbook on that."

"Master Josele took me to see them once.  I had mentioned hydro electric turbines or wave generators."

"Why did it always rain?" John asked.

"The mist that drifted up had to come down," Xander told him.

Rodney stared at him.  "Is there any chance he told you more about that?"

"He tried to explain it to me but that's when he realized I was atomic science stupid."

"Hmm."  He handed him a marker.  "Draw out what you remember."  Xander got up and came over to draw out the stuff he remembered seeing.  It was crude but he put in the story that his master told him.  Rodney could translate that language easily enough now.  "How would they get from that to cold fusion?" he muttered.  Xander shrugged.  He added little droplets of mist.  "You know, that rain might be a natural cooling effect," he admitted.  He considered it and started on the cold fusion energy formula with the new math.  That made it made more sense to him.

"It hummed," Xander told him suddenly.  "I remember the rain hummed.  A lot.  Loudly.  It's what drove wildlife and things away from there."

"Did he say if it was the energy or the metal they used?" Rodney asked.

"No, I didn't ask.  I remember it gave me a headache after two hours of it."

"How musically inclined are you?" he asked.

"I like country, some modern pop.  They had some really neat xylophone like stuff at one place I went.  Rome had a lot of flutes and trumpet like things."

"Modern or older country?" John asked him.

"Older.  Pasty is a goddess of misery."

"Yes she was."  He patted him on the back.  "Was the humming musical and on pitch or off key?"

"All I remember is it felt like my brain was going to melt after two hours.  I think it started out on pitch but then it gets to you, ya know?"

"Definitely."

Jon leaned in.  "Xander, your pet is feeling ignored."

"Sorry, we were doing old culture math stuff to help Rodney."

"That's fine.  Ronon said he's in the gym with him."  Xander nodded, going to get Armand and cuddle him all the way back to the lab.  "McKay, we like him being a language geek."

"We're talking about alternate power supplies for Atlantis.  Something safer."

"Might be a handy thing," he decided.  He left them alone.  He'd nag the kid later if he hadn't slept or ate yet.  He had done it to Daniel often enough.

Xander came back cuddling Armand.  "You could have helped me do math, silly," he told it as he walked in.  Armand nuzzled him so Xander sat down.  He ate a bite of breakfast then looked at the board.  "Is that helpful?"

"Quite," Rodney promised.  "The future math, what sort of relevance does it have?  Do I have to use this multiplier formula on that and then another one?"

"I usually took the future math and multiplied by two and a half.  I got the right answer by that one most of the time.  Again, not on that stuff.  Nothing geometric."

"Geometry and the related trigonometry is a different form of math than formula driven things," John said.  "One's spatial and one's theoretical really."

"That's odd though since I used to do carpentry," Xander pointed out.  He stuffed his mouth again.

"Those you probably learned in a more practical manner," Rodney said, waving that concern off.  "Even if you can't do the formula to find an area of a room, you know how to figure it more practically.  Trigonometry has more in common with this since it deals with frequency curves and the like."

"You lost me at 'area of a room', Rodney."

Rodney smiled.  "That's fine."  He got back to work, coming back to get his breakfast to gulp while he wrote.  He got the crystal resonance book and did as Xander suggested.  The two and a half ratio didn't work but two-point-633445 did.  He did it backwards to make sure.  Yes that worked wonderfully backward and forward.  He added in another generator comparison and found that one much higher in output.  "What sort of crystals wold you need to use?" he muttered.

"Theirs looked like fluorite and simple gamma crystals," Xander said.  John stared at him.  "Like what made the Hulk," he explained.  He stuffed his mouth again.

Rodney stared at him.  "I remember reading that."  He looked up types of crystals.  "That one," he said, pointing at it.  "Find me one of those, Sheppard.  Today."

"Sure," he agreed, going to find him a sample.  He had no idea what he was going to do with it.

Xander ate another bite, offering Armand some of the bacon.  His dragon nuzzled him.  "Sure, I'll eat it.  Daddy forgot dinner."  His dragon meeped at him.  "I know.  I'm sorry we didn't snuggle last night."  He yawned and finished breakfast.  He got really tired suddenly so he sat on the stool in the corner.   His dragon curled up around him and it was nice.  He wasn't in the way.

Rodney looked over at the first snore, smiling.  He got Jon back there.  "Put him on the floor," he said quietly.  "Then make sure only Radek comes in.  It'll wake him if I have to yell at anyone else."

"Sure."  Jon moved over, whispering in Xander's ear.  "I'm getting you back onto your bedroll, Xander.  Rest."  The boy hummed and nodded, letting him help him into the actual corner to nap on the floor.  Armand purred at him and curled up in the daddy's arms.  Jon opened a window because he was going to close a door and Xander slept better in a light breeze.  Then he shut them in and stuck a note on the door saying Radek only today.  He ran into John carrying a large crystal.  "Xander crashed."

"That's fine.  They were up all night doing really old math."  He handed it in and then closed the door and left them alone.  Rodney would gloat if he got it to work.  He stationed two Marines outside the door to enforce the 'Radek only' order too.  Rodney might destroy them all if he broke his concentration.  He had enough power bars stashed in that lab to survive for a few days at the least.  If not, he'd beam in food.

***

Rodney stomped into the office two days later.  "This will never work on earth!" he complained.

John looked at him.  He was sweaty, hadn't bathed, and his hair was sticking up all over.  "Take a shower, a nap, and get back to it," he ordered calmly.

"I can't!  I'll never figure it out!"

"Wouldn't each galaxy have different energy waves underneath everything?" he asked.  "You told me that sometime in the past when we were talking about why some plants wouldn't thrive even if the soil composition was the same."

Rodney stared at him.  "That's a point, and it must have been right if I said it."  He considered it, stomping off.

"McKay, shower and nap," he called after him.  He called Radek to talk to him.  "Radek, John Sheppard.  Make McKay and Harris take a rest.  Today.  Rodney hadn't showered yet."  He smiled.  "Thank you."  He hung up and shook his head.  Xander had been translating in there while helping Rodney.  Even Armand hadn't wanted to come out last time.  This was getting insane.

***

Rodney snapped that night, looking at Xander.  "It keeps leading me back to ZPM energy," he said, sitting on a stool, looking defeated.

"No, it's leading you back to void energy," he corrected.  "A live void feed, not a ZPM and destroying another realm's energy."  Rodney's head popped up.  "Even as it sucks it lets off energy."

"It does," he agreed.  "Tremendous amounts that can break down normal things so it's sucked in easier.  How would you harness that?"  Xander pointed at the crystal then shrugged.  "Have you seen it working?"

"No but I remember someone thinking that void energy was the highest source.  I argued something like a time vortex was but he said that a void could break a time vortex's pattern so it was stronger."

Rodney blinked.  "That is true," he said, looking at his board.  "That's almost bordering on the mystical though."

John walked in with Jon.  "Boys, shower.  Sleep in a bed tonight," he ordered.  "Come back to it tomorrow."

"Huh?" Xander asked.

"It's been four days," Jon told him.  "You haven't eaten unless we slipped food in front of you.  Either of you."

"I've had many power bars."

"If you live on them too long, you get the runs, McKay," John said firmly.  "Go to your room, bathe, and sleep.  Then eat breakfast and come back to it."  They groaned but they knew an order when they heard one.  He had the guarding marines march them to their quarters and locked that lab under his lock and authority.  They wouldn't be able to get back in there without him opening it.  He made sure Xander had his dragon before locking him in his room for the next ten hours.  Rodney got locked in his room too.  Then the Air Force soldiers walked off to have a drink and complain about super geeks.  They really were the most annoying things sometimes.

***

Xander teleported into Rodney's rooms, waking him up.  "We need to go to Ilendil."

"What's in Ilendil?" he asked, sitting up rubbing his eyes.  "What time is it?"

"Really early but Ilendil is a unique place that has the largest bookstore ever.  They're a very future tech society but they gave up all the things that everyone considers to go with that."

"They're the one that looks like the Renaissance," he said, looking at him.  Xander nodded.  "You think they'd have books?"

"I know they'd have books and they do both tech and magic.  The only problem I have is that the money I have for Ilendil is in my office and I can't blip into my office anymore thanks to my former teacher.  I can only hit Landry's office."

"Which means he'd know and might not approve," he said, sighing.  "Is there a way around it?"

"Maybe.  I'm not real sure.  I think so though.  And I think it depends on Armand.  Get dressed."  He teleported back to his room, getting dressed and picking up his dragon to put him into his backpack.  Armand grumbled, curling up to go back to sleep.  He teleported back, making Rodney grunt since he was pulling on a shirt.  "We shouldn't need anything else."

Rodney looked at him.  "How do you do that?"

"Magic.  Takes a lot of energy."

"Can you teach me that?  Just that particular spell or whatever?  It'd be damn handy when we're in a cell."

"If you have any gift toward it maybe, but it's not a newbie thing so you'd have to go through all of it."

"Damn.  I don't have the time to learn all that."  Xander smiled.  "Is there a shortcut around it?  Like your bracelet?"

"That's a temporal one, not a localized blippy."  He took his hands.  "Close your eyes, you'll get nauseous."  He set it off and they landed a minute later.  "Hey, Loay."

"Xander!" the shopkeeper cheered.  "You're back!"

"I am."  He smiled, nudging Rodney.  "This is Rodney.  He's trying to teach me higher maths."

"Is he a god?" he asked, looking at Rodney.

"Not hardly, just very good at physics."

"Ah!"  He nodded.  "We have many books in your field, Sir Rodney."

Xander gave him a gentle nudge to the arm.  "All scientists here are sir," he said quietly.

"All right.  Xander thinks you have some books that could help us."

"Including on void energy," Xander said.

"Hmm.  Those are fairly rare these days."

Xander took off his backpack and smiled at Armand, who was glaring at him.  "Be nicer.  You'll like Loay."  He pulled him out.  "My sacred egg hatched."

"Oooh, is that Armand!"  He looked him over.  "He's a very rare type.  No wonder you needed the book on stomach care for them."

"If he eats trees and gets transporter beamed, he gets a tummy ache."

"That's reasonable."  He scratched the eye ridges, getting a purr back.  "If I could have a scale, that should cover the cost, and I know someone who might come talk to him for another one.  Especially tail ones."

Xander looked him over.   "He's starting to shed some," he offered.  "Would that be okay?  I don't want to hurt him."

"That'd be wonderful."  He took a picture of the dragon and the scales then let Xander carefully remove them.

"Sorry," Xander said.  "I didn't mean to take that one too, Armand.  It just stuck to the other ones.  What did you get on your scales?"  He handed them over.  Another picture was taken.  "Are those good?"

"Those are wonderful!  For this many you can have half the store!"  He put them onto a special pad and summoned the scientist he knew, telling him why.  He knew Xander very well.  Xander got himself a few new books and a graphic novel.  Loay got Rodney into the physics sections.  They came back when someone walked in.  Xander sniffed then tipped his face up, getting a deep, moan inducing kiss.  "Sir Tiasl."

"Xander," he said with a smile.  "A new teacher?"

"He's been helping me with the math stuff while I'm translating on their project."  He smiled.  "Rodney, this is Sir Tiasl."

He looked at him, then shook his hand.  "A physicist is a precious thing for the world."

"I'm hoping so."  He sat down with him to talk about the ZPM issue and looking for something safer.  Tiasl agreed that would be a good idea.  Rodney told him what he had been able to figure out and the other scientist was pleased, telling him where to start.

"Get him the books on the magic side.  They have a lot of math involved too," Xander called.  Armand yawned.  He petted him.  "Hey, Loay, do we have anything on the Ori?"  He shook his head.  "Or anything on that part of the time stream?  Or the pre-Cutva cultures?"

"Many," he admitted.  "But they are very rare and very expensive."

Xander looked at him.  He petted the dragon.  "I'm doing language stuff.  We're dealing with the Ori.  They have a super prophetess who likes me."

Tiasl looked over.  "Xander, I would gladly take you back," he offered.

Xander looked at him.  "You never give me backrubs.  I need someone who wants to be with *me*, not just my skills."

"I agree, you do deserve that," he praised.  He smiled at Rodney.  "Are you enjoying him?"

"We're not like that.  I'm a coworker.  I enjoy his mind since he's translating things for me."

"Hmm.  Interesting."

Rodney smiled.  "I prefer women anyway."

"Ah.  That's more reasonable."  He went over the problems with him, including the ones in the magic books.

"That would take a lot to create," Rodney admitted.

"But you'd only have to create one every eon or so," Xander pointed out.

"True, we would.  We'd have to do it off the city."

Xander nodded.  "We might," he agreed.  "Can we?"

"Yes.  Easily."  He got back to it, smiling as the dragon came over to be nosy.  "Hi, Armand."  He petted him.  Armand sniffed the other man, staring at him.

"You must be the thing that hatched from his sacred egg."  He petted him.  The dragon gave him a smug look.  "You're very pretty."

"Yes he is," Xander agreed.  "His name is Armand."

"Welcome to Ilendil, Armand."

"He was shedding some tail scales," Loay told him.

"Wonderful."  He smiled and patted it on the head.  "Go back to the father."  Armand crawled up to sleep on the back of Rodney's chair.

"He loves to nap in my lab as well."  He got back to it.  "He led me through what he learned with Master Josele."

"That would help."  He went over the concept he hadn't seen him use yet, getting a nod.  Rodney did another problem to make sure he had it.  "Then you can combine that with this one," he said, adding another formula.  "Then you do this," he said, adding another one. "That will give you the output you'll need to worry about capturing."

"Which I can do this way?" he guessed, drawing it out.

"You could but you'd need the output end to be curved.  Which would depend on which galaxy you're in because it would change."

"Wouldn't it change by solar system really?  Each star system is different due to the weight and size of the star.  That can shift the power of gravity, time, and the length of rotation," Xander said.

"It would," Tiasl agreed.  He smiled at Rodney.  "You have taught him well.  He didn't have this much gift with science when we were together."

Rodney shrugged.  "He's  a very special mind that needs nurturing and respect.  Most of us he works with respect his mind more."

"How odd.  Xander is very suitable as a consort or mate."

Rodney shrugged.  "We like him for his translating skills.  Usually we groan when we run into his former boyfriends.  They seem to want him back in a bad way.  You seem to be an exception."

"I would not mind him back.  He felt I was more enamored of my studies than him."  Xander nodded.  "I do mis you, Xander."

Xander smirked.  "I miss you too but you still decided to ignore me waiting at home on our anniversary to go do simple math that your assistant had solved six days earlier.  Your assistant offered to take me that night."

"I would have beheaded him," he assured him firmly.

"Which is why I didn't take him up on it."  Tiasl walked over and took another kiss.  Xander licked his lips, smiling at him.  "You wanted your math and science more.  Some day I'll find someone who wants me more than their work."

"If they are not good to you, you will come home."  He kissed him again and walked out of the store.

Xander sighed, looking at his dragon, who meeped quietly.  "I know.  If he had actually loved me, I might've stayed."  He stood up.  "We ready, Rodney?"

"I am."  He gathered up everything and walked up to the register desk.

Loay looked at them then at Xander's small stack.  "You're going to be short."  Xander sighed, kissing him.  Loay sighed and smiled.  "Fine, I will give you a discount.  You'd still have to choose.  That series is the more expensive one."

"It's sad that comics and graphic novels are so expensive these days."  He petted Armand, getting a toenail sliver off.  Loay moaned and Xander went to get a few more.  "Three?"

"Two and you'll have a bit left."

"Give me a break, Loay.  I know how much those are worth."

He moaned.  "Yes, that is fine.  You will win."

Xander came out from between the rows, staring at him.  "Tiasl will kill you."

"Perhaps but you would have offered."  Xander stared him down.  He swallowed.  "You are right about how much they are worth."  He leaned on the counter as Xander came back with a few more books and a handful of graphic novels.  Plus one under his chin and another under his arm.  "Xander," he moaned.  "You're going to make me go broke.  I won't be able to make any profit."

"You sound like one of my ex-girlfriends," he said dryly.  Loay pouted.  "You do.  You sound just like Anya."

"You told me about her.  She sounds like my type of woman.  A bit mercenary and fun in bed."

"Now and then," he admitted.  "But still.  I could be *mean*."

"You could ask Tiasl to buy it for you."

"Then he'd make Rodney late for breakfast wanting some fun."

"Hmm."  He counted.  "Even with that nail you'd be over budget with those two very expensive ones."

"Graphic novels are what young boys read in our society," Rodney told him. The man gaped.  "Comics and graphic novels are considered a young man's reading."

"In ours it is highly revered as both an art form and for those with larger scientists.  It's good that you're training your young early."

"We do try but even the common ones read them."

"Interesting."  He counted it up again.  "That would only let me make twenty gold."

"Better twenty than ten," he offered, putting down another book.  "On the smaller power flows."

Loay sighed, but nodded.  "Fine.  In the name of science."  He bagged them up and Xander put Armand back in his pack, letting Rodney get the books for them.  He took his hand and they blipped home.  Right into an ambush by Sheppard.  Xander checked his watch.  "It's still four am.  Sorry, I didn't mean to break into anything you guys had going on tonight," he said, edging away.  "Let me give you guys some privacy."

John grabbed him by the wrist, taking the bracelet.  "So, we went where and started a small alarm that got me woke up?"

"Ilendil.  It's got a huge bookstore and a large emphasis on science."

John held up the bracelet, looking at it.  "Your current blippy thing?"

"Yup.  Well, my backup blippy thing."  He took it back with a grin.  "He got a lot of help from someone and a lot of books on that new power source."

"They consider graphic novels to be a high form of art and for geniuses," Rodney said.  "Armand still with you?"

"Yes," Xander said, taking off his pack to let him see.  "See, dragon."

"Hi, Armand," John said.  He got meeped at and a yawn.  "I agree, it's damn early."  Xander sighed and held the pack closer to him.  "Oh, no, you can walk.  That way you don't set off another alarm."

"Sorry."

"I don't care.  Warn me."

"Yes, John."

"Thank you!  Walk."  He walked off shaking his head, then came back to get his books. Then he went back to his room again.

John looked at Rodney.  "His team leader can yell at him while yours yells at you for waking him up at 3 am."

"He took me to meet a decent ex-boyfriend of his, who helped me with the void power problem.  This one did mope but didn't want to turn evil.  He ignored him once too often."

"That's good to know.  You still left the city without telling anyone.  We might've had an attack or anything that could have needed you."

"Radek would've filled in.  It was less than an hour."

"That alarm got up every single ATA carrier."

"I'm sorry about that.  I'll find it and shut it off.  Now, can I get back to sleep."

John glared.  "We'll be talking about this."

"That's fine."

"Landry didn't want you to two travel together because we might go missing both of you.  There's no telling who or what you could have run into."

"They didn't have any idea about the Ori or the wraith.  They were also in another galaxy."

"I don't care!"

"Fine!   Now can I finish the sleep you demanded I get earlier!"

"Yes, you can.  Then you both get to reappear at breakfast for an ass chewing."  He walked off.  Jon met him in the hallway.  "Xander tucked in?"

"Yup.  He pissed you called him on it?"

"Yup.  I don't care.  There was a reason for that decision...."

"He found the answer to the problem.  Even with that damn alarm."  He glared.  "Can't you turn it off now?"  It went off.  He sighed.  "Thank you!"

John smirked.  "We get those a lot and have no idea why half the time."  He walked around him.  "Breakfast, my office.  Both teams."

"You sure you want full teams?"

"Yup.  That way we can work out some things."  He went back to his own bed.  It was much too early for him to be up and aware unless there was an emergency.  He ran into Lorne.  "Harris took McKay to get some better science texts," he said.

"Wonderful!"  He yawned.  "Any orders or can I collapse, Colonel?"

"Collapse.  I am.  If you see them first, team meeting in my office for breakfast, both teams."  He went to his own bed.

Lorne smiled, going back to bed too.

***

Xander walked in last, grabbing another cup of coffee before sitting down.  "I had no idea about the alarm."

"According to what I could pull up, it's because you used magic," Fischer told him.  "The Lanteans apparently really hated magic."

"It made no sense so probably scared them," Xander said.  He took another drink.  "Rodney, did we get everything you need?"

"And more than.  There's some things that are so theoretical it'll give work for years."  Xander got them both more coffee.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  I had the sudden thought and didn't think to check the time."

"It happens and it was a good trip."  He sipped the coffee and choked.  "What is that?"

"The new cook made it," John said, taking it to sip.  "Keller to my office with an epi pen ASAP," he called over the comm.  "Xander, he's allergic to citrus."

"There's citrus?"  He sipped his coffee and handed it to John, who shrugged and shook his head.  "So it's his cup."

"I'll find that out."  Doctor Keller jogged in and hit Rodney with the epi pen, making him gasp and slowly calm down.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Come on, McKay.  You can nap in the infirmary."  She helped him up and down the stairs.

John poured the coffee into Xander's cup, finding the rim of the cup had been washed with citrus oil.  "Let me trace this back in a few minutes.   Harris, what part of 'no you can't bring him anywhere' didn't you get?"

"That was about the ancient cultures trip, not to the bookstore planet in the future where science is revered and they use something like what we were thinking.  Plus I had a fairly tolerant, yet sad ex who might buy the books for him."

"You'd use an ex that way?" Tilla asked.  "Usually that's a girl thing."

"The man ignored all my plans, plots for his happiness, and all that.  If he hadn't ignored me that way then yeah, we might've been happy.  He actually almost appreciated me for something other than what my ass gave him."

"TMI,"Jon said dryly.  "Please?"

"Whatever."  He looked at John.  "There was zero risk.  I had no idea that they had set up an alarm.  Did it go off when I 'ported into his room or just when I left?"

"When you two left.  So it wasn't set off by the magic."

"General Landry said that me blipping back to Ilendil the last time set off a minute energy spike in a lab above my office."

"That's probably what did it then," he decided.  "It was still dangerous."

"No it wasn't.  It wasn't like I took him to a cannibal's island."

"You traveled how far trying to get back home?" John countered.

"That was with Jack's band, not mine.  Mine's actually accurate."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I had real super geeks help me build it so I could actually get home.  Some of Doc's people before the war."

Jon looked over at him.  "Seriously?"

"Yeah.  I was in... I wanna say Berlin at the time.  I think.  Somewhere in Germany being an ass to the Nazis."  He shrugged.  "I ran into one who was doing the same thing and he agreed the band was screwy thanks to whatever Doc did to it.  So he helped me build my own.  That way I'd quit interfering in the time line.  That was just after I shot a high level German commander."

"Did it create a small paradox or change anything?" John Sheppard asked.

"No.  The guy who I was supposedly fell a month earlier in a bar brawl.  I was in the town and they all wailed about it until I spoke up and corrected the 'we have to finish our mission and he's the only one who could plan things' part.  I pointed out the flaw in his plan.  Especially the one where he wasn't sure who his contact was since it was me.  So I took his ID and dog tags and handled it.  His body got shipped back with a note saying he fell in the process of a mission but his tags were taken to hide his body from the Germans who invaded the town the next day.  They would've tortured locals looking for more soldiers.  The cops knew and signed off on that note home to his commanders.  I also included a note saying that the team was going with his contact to finish it.  Which was taking out that commander."

"Good to know.  So that's when you met that blonde guy?"  Xander nodded.  "Even better.  So it wasn't dangerous at all?"

"No."

"No threat from this ex?"

"No.  I might've stayed if he had appreciated me for more than a warm place to park it."

"I get that," he said calmly.  "There's plenty of your exes that you should've walked away from for that same reason, Xander."  Xander shrugged again but grimaced.  "You do deserve better."

"He asked Rodney if we were together and Rodney told him he appreciated me for my mind.  He thought it was odd since he was teaching me stuff."

"Plenty of us appreciate you for more than your ass," Tilla told him.  "I appreciate your dirty sense of humor."  He grinned at that.  "So, no threat, nothing?"

"No."  John looked at him.  "What?"

"No more blipping anywhere without prior notice and hopefully approval.  Not off Atlantis.  We have no idea if the wraith could pick up the energy signature of you leaving or not."

"We'd be able to tell a wraith that was close enough."

"Yes we hopefully would but we have no idea if other beings around here could be cloaked."

"If they're that bad, I'd probably have seen their females by now," Xander quipped.

"Maybe," John agreed.  "But you could have an ascended stalking you too."

"Hey, you see my ex, yell at him for being an ass with an ego the size of a mountain."  He stood up.  "Anything else?"

"No.  Go.  No blipping."

"Yes, sir."  He snapped off a salute and went to check on Rodney.

"Am I that big a smartass?" Jon asked.

"Yeah, you are," John assured him.  "Go calm him down."  They went to do that.  Teyla looked at him.  "What?  It's not safe for him to do."

"No, but not why I am concerned.  Do you think I could introduce you to nice women?"

"I'm not sure if he'd take a fix-up or not.  Ask him.  He might like that."

She smiled.  "Thank you."  She went to talk to him.

"I'll spar with him later," Ronon said.  "Make him feel better."  He left before more mushy feelings came out about the boy.

John groaned, rubbing his face.  Woolsey came up the stairs.  "Good morning.  I heard we had an alarm last night?"

"Harris took McKay to an off-world bookstore that let him get some books on alternative power supplies."

"Did it have anything on the making of a new ZPM?"

"I don't know but they're also looking at safer alternative power supplies," he said, looking at him.  "Ones that won't get us a second Rodney whose world is being destroyed by us making one."

"Oh.  That could be a problem."

"Yes it's considered one by all thinking beings.  So they've been working on something that's safer.  I have to find out who dosed Rodney's coffee cup with citrus oil."  He got up and went to check out the video tapes of the morning's goings on.

***

Xander walked into John's office scowling.  "What?"

"It looks like you dosed Rodney's coffee cup, Xander."

"No I didn't!"  He let him see the tape.  "That's not me.  I don't own an Atlantis t-shirt."  John stared at him.  "Also, do a height comparison.  In that room I see into the microwave."  John groaned, comparing it.  "Also, he's floating."  He looked at him.  "I was never ascended and shorter."

"Shit.  Can they shape shift?"

"Depends on which one you're talking about.  Asha!" he bellowed, looking up.  A ghostly being appeared.  "What the hell are you doing!"

"What are you doing back here?"

"I'm working with them."

"This is our city."

"If you were *alive* it might be.  Since you're not, it's an archeological find.  That's what you said about Quan-Dil even though there were some natives left who were too primitive for you to want to bother with."  The ascended glared.  "Wasn't it?"

"It's not the same."

"Because you're a ghost?" he sneered.  "Not hardly."

"He is destroying our works."

"I'm going to destroy all of you."

"You cannot."

Xander smirked and called up power.  "Really?  You sure?"  The ascended gave him a horrified look.  "Yeah, Xander took lessons there too," he said sarcastically.  "He's trying to make your former city safe.  You do not pretend to be me."

"You are not meant to be one of us."

"I don't want to be one of you.  Ascended are pathetic because they float around watching things.  I'm sorry, I have a life to live and things I gotta get done before I pass on in a few dozen centuries."  Asha gasped, staring at him.  "So no, I don't need your pathetic excuse for ghostdom nor do I want to be one of you.  You guys were arrogant, stupid, and annoying in life.  You didn't give a bit of a damn about your fellow people.  Most of the beings around you were considered like science experiments by most of you.  Why would anyone want to be one of you?  For that matter, if I wanted to ascend and be bored for the rest of eternity, I could do that.  Why do I want to?"

"We have power."

"No you don't.  You sit on your thumb and let it fuck you while you watch life."  Asha floated backward and Xander advanced.  "You leave these people alone.  They're cleaning up your fuck ups.  The same as I am.  I can and will find a way to keep all ascended off this city if I must.  I'm not the sick puppy I was when I appeared in your garden by accident.  Since then I've been in plenty of places and learned a hell of a lot."

"You are still tau'ri."

"No I'm not.  Thanks to the traveling and a few other taints, I'm not fully human.  Don't believe me, test me."  Asha ghosted a hand over him and made a whining noise.  "Just because we're doing things your people couldn't and you're jealous does not give you the right to try to kill someone.  I will end all the ascended if you come near my friends again.  After all *they* appreciate me as more than a cheap piece of ass you got to feel mushy for because you healed an injury," he said snidely.  "Now, get off *my* city and John's city and Rodney's city.  When you ascended, you gave up all claims to anything of this world.  That's part of the deal."

"It's ours."

"Only if you're alive," John agreed.

He glared at him.  "You are weak and can't control anything."

Xander looked up then smiled at him.  He said something in their native language and a beam came down to trap him.  "Really?  You so sure of that?"  He walked off, going to sulk in peace.  He hated his ex's.  A lot.

John smirked.  "Welcome to Atlantis.  Did you think pissing him off now was any different than pissing him off then?"  Woolsey finished lurking in the doorway.  "This is the one who dosed Rodney with citrus oil.  He was pretending to be Xander."

"I thought ascended were beyond jealousy."

"So did I.  Pity we're wrong."

"He should not be here.  He's not one of us and not one of you.  Even though you have messed things up."

"We're saving the beings you spread throughout this galaxy from the wraith your people created," John said firmly.  "That's not messing things up."

"That is natural selection."

"There won't be any beings but the wraith within a year if we don't stop them.  That's not natural selection.  That's not caring.  You played God and then left it.  Did you expect other peoples that found out to not help them?"

"It's not your war."

"It is now.  We're here uncovering what you guys did when you were seeding the galaxies.  When we uncovered that one trying to eliminate every living thing around here, of course we stepped in.  Having seen Xander, you saw what we were like."

"He cannot be both one of you and advanced," he said firmly.

"He was one of us who accidentally traveled.  We're mostly like him around here."

"Other ascendeds have met people on the project," Xander said from behind Woolsey.  "You should talk to them."  He walked in and stared at him.  "Did you ever care for me beyond the sex?"

"Of course I did!  I could have had anyone."

"Then why try to kill my friends when we're completing what you did not and could not?"

"He is going to change our glorious city!" he said fervently, floating closer to Xander.

Xander nodded.  "Because there's no spare ZPM's.   Making them are endangering alternate realities off this one.  We've had people show up to help stop the process because it was destroying their realm.  Wouldn't having a safer, easier power source be better for all, including the city?"

"But that one is a myth!"

"No, it's not.  I've been places that had it working."  He moved closer.  "I'm going to protect these people.  All of them.  Including the natives that you spread around and left to be food for that misbegotten project that created the wraith."  Asha looked down.  "I wouldn't stand slavery then, and I won't now.  I also won't let you hurt the people here."  Asha looked at him.  "I don't care what the others want.  You guys gave up on life, on all that made you guys special, to float around and complain about things.  You lost everything that made your race special.  Rodney and the others here are completing things that you had hoped to do.  A lot of it to protect our own people since the gou'ald problem and then the Ori."

Asha winced.  "The Ori are a pain to all cultures."

"I've seen places where they burned *everyone* because they weren't of their faith!" he shouted.  "I'm not going to let my people have that done to them!  Since the gou'ald and you guys both seeded galaxies with the offshoot of earth's seed, it's our job to protect them.  Now, you can help us or you can get out of the way.  And if you *ever* touch one of my people again, I will make sure that no ascended of *any* race can come near this city again."

"You cannot, Xander.  You are not that skilled."

Xander smirked.  "Really?"  He looked up.  "AI?"

"Yes, Xander?"

"The ascended are trying to harm the city, especially the scientists.  Is that program ready?"

"Yes, Xander.  It is ready," she said.  She appeared, looking at him.  "Master Asha."  She bowed.

He sighed.  "He cannot.  Tell him he cannot."

"He can," she corrected.  "Your own people, especially Master Janus, made sure that no ascended could ever harm the city."  He gaped.

"Enact that program to keep all ascended out," Xander said quietly.  "Please."

"Yes, Xander."  She bowed to him and smiled at Asha.  "I am sorry."

"No," he murmured but he was forced to fade out.  The forcefield faded.  Xander took a deep breath.  "Xander, please," he begged.

"You tried to kill someone for making your city great and protecting your works.  No.  Leave.  Before it sets fully."  He left.  He slumped into a chair.  "Thank you, AI."

"You are welcome, Xander.  Master Janus said that you were always his favorite vision of what humanity might become."

Xander smiled.  "The godly one likes me too."  She smiled at him.  "How is Rodney McKay?"

"He is resting comfortably by my scan."

He beamed.  "Thank you.  Did the vegetation manufacturing machine work on the ones I wanted?"

"Yes, all seven are done, Xander."  He pouted.  "The aging and the making of the last will take more power than is advisable to use, even with that generator powering it."  He pulled out something, holding it up.  She absorbed it and smiled.  "That will do nicely."

"Just for that.  I need that back."

"Yes, Xander."   She looked toward a wall then handed it back, making him happy.  "They are appropriately aged and ready to be cultivated.  Is anything else needed?"

"Can you pull up the war with the Cervana for John to read over?"

"Yes, I can."  She looked at his computer and it came up.

"Thank you.  Have a good rest."  She smiled and left.

"I didn't know the AI could manifest in other rooms," John said.

"It takes some extra power and we had to fix a few image projectors.  In this case, it was too important to risk.  I hooked it into a generator with Radek last week.  I figured one would show up since Cordelia showed up trying to tell the generals that I wasn't that good."  He stood up.  "That's going to make a lot of people happier in a few days.  I'll bring Rodney down later to make him feel better."  He walked off, going to check on him.  Rodney was mostly awake when he got down there.  "I got the cultivator working."

"You did?" he asked, still sounding sleepy.

"Yup.  It made something to make the group happier.  Then you guys can plant them and use it for less frivolous things."

"I'd like that."  He got up.  "Thank you," he called into the office area.  He let Xander lead him to the room off Botany.  "It's here?"

"Yup."  He smiled.  "Isn't that why you put Botany here?"

"Not exactly."   He walked in and looked at the new trees and a few bushes.  He frowned, walking toward the first one.  "Almonds," he said, smiling at it.  He moved to the other ones, avoiding the lemon tree.  "I know you had to."

"I know you're allergic."

"It's all right.  They'll adore that."  He moved to the last one and beamed at him.  "Is that a hybrid cocoa plant?"  Xander smirked and nodded.  "You really did spoil us.  The generator?"

"Is a bit run down from these seven but we used a weaker generator."

"That's fine.  We can figure that out."   He looked at the chocolate bush again then back at him.  "It needs to be dried, right?"

Xander nodded.  "Yeah.  Dried, sometimes roasted."

"Hmm."  He walked out, locking the door so no one could get into it.  "Let's go look that up."  Xander walked him back to the lab.  "What happened?"

"Asha decided you guys weren't supposed to be here.  We had a talk and no ascended can currently get onto the city."

"That's interesting."

Xander smiled.  "Helpful too since Asha pretended to be me."

"Did we tell your ex off?"

"Quite.  Including talking about their God complex."  Rodney snorted but he looked happier.  "I'm sorry."

"It's okay.  I know it wasn't you.  You like me."

"Yeah, I think of you like a big brother most of the time."  They turned a corner.  "Did you know Teyla wants to set me up on a date?"

"Maybe they'll be nice."

"That would be nice."  They came out on the lab area and a few people glared.  "It wasn't me."

"It had to be you," one sneered.  "The cameras said so."

"Unfortunately it also showed me three inches shorter and floating off the floor.  Have you seen me doing that?  Or with the longer hair I had in it?"

"When did you get a haircut?" Rodney asked, looking at it.  "It's too short."

"Three days ago."

Lorne walked over.  "He's right, it wasn't him.  It was something pretending to be him.  One of the ascended are mad that McKay had a plan to take care of the power problem."

"Get it right, Major, they wanted you guys to give up because in their arrogance they decided no one could do it better than they could," Xander said dryly.

"True, there was that too," he agreed.  "Thankfully he found the way to block them out of the city."  The scientists all relaxed.  He smiled at Xander.  "You and Radek have been doing botany things."

"I got the cultivator to work with a nearly worn out generator," he said with a smirk.  "Rodney's going to look up something to use what I had created."

"I'm looking forward to it."  He smirked.  "Do you need him, McKay?  If not, we need him to train the new grunts that're coming in today."

"Ooooh, did I miss that we're supposed to go back today?"

"No.  Not today."  He nodded.  Xander walked with him.  "Let me know what I can do to help with the new stuff, McKay."

"I can do that."  He walked into his lab.  "Radek, pull up that site you were sighing over."  Radek smiled at him.  "It looks like a good first harvest if we can decide what we're doing with it."  They got into the recipes and picked a few.  Rodney wouldn't get the lemon one but everyone else would be most happy.  They called the cooks to the room and let them harvest, handing them the recipes.  They smiled and hauled off their goodies.  It was going to be a good dinner for the next few days, and in about a week they'd have Atlantis chocolate.

7: Asses And Assholes

Xander looked at the new marines, staring at one.  He knew him fairly well.   He had shot at him a few times.  "Aren't you ...army?" he asked dryly.

"Yes.  I volunteered."

Xander stared at him.  "You volunteered, Sterling?"

"You know which one I am?"

"Yeah, not like Buffy did her own gathering of info all the time if she couldn't threaten it into giving in."  He stared at him.  "You know there's natives and one enemy species?"

"I'm not like that.  I was only following orders."  Xander stared him down.  "I'd never do it again, even if ordered," he said calmly, lifting his chin.

Xander looked at him.  "Sheppard knows about it."

"I heard that."

"I want you to disclose that."

"Landry....."

John came off the wall and walked over.  "I need to know that *my* people aren't going to overreact," he said calmly, staring at him.  "Anyone who has any other controversial unit histories or memberships I'd want to know.  Even if you changed.   The same as I got a full disclosure of what Xander did before and after his learning trips."

"He went on a what?"

Xander smiled.  "I'm here as a linguist."

"Oh.  From the research on the group?"

"That too."  He smiled.  "Haven't talked to Graham?  He was there to try to make me go to UNIT."

"I'm sorry.  That would be a sucky position."

Xander nodded.  "Basically.  If you guys didn't meet him, this is Colonel Sheppard, military head of this program."

"Does anyone else have anything to disclose to me?  Any group memberships or past assignments that may impact how you deal with the natives in the Pegasus galaxy?  We do deal with one full enemy and one that's part enemy and part ally depending on which part of the group it is.  We have a lot of more simple cultures that have been preyed on for centuries by the main enemy.  I need to know if anything you have done will affect that."

"I was SCA," one guy offered.

"That may come in very handy," John admitted.  "A lot of the cultures in this galaxy are about that level for technology."

Xander nodded.  "With guns when they can."

"You go on missions?" Sterling asked.

"People like Xander," John told him.  "We send him on a lot of diplomatic missions.  Him and his dragon.  Hi, Armand, looking for daddy?"  Armand crawled up him instead and purred at him.  "What?"  He petted him.

Xander sniffed him.  "He was in the kitchen."  He smiled.  "Special treat for tonight."  Armand meeped and nuzzled John's neck.  "Are you sucking up to him?"  He swished his tail, looking over the new people.  "These are the new soldiers to the program."

"What is it?" Sterling asked, moving closer.  Armand stared at him then meeped quietly.  "Hi, little guy."

"His name is Armand and he's my baby dragon," Xander said.  "He's well liked on a lot of missions and he loves to play with any kids.  They chase each other around for hours on end."

"That's wonderful," Sterling said, stepping back.  "How widely know is the project, sir?"

"Not very.  The higher ups in both projects know.  We did a memory review on Xander so we could figure out how to use him best."

"I'm still not the super geek people think I am," Xander said.

"Shut up, Xander.  Yes you are."  John smirked at him.  "Keep it up, I'm going to make Ronon take you on a run again."

"I'm not a great runner," he complained.

"It's good you make the rest of us feel better at something sometimes," John said with a smile.  Xander blushed and shrugged a bit.  "If I get as much practice as you've had, I hope I can kick Ronon's ass too."  He handed over the dragon, who curled around Xander's chest and neck.  "Okay, today we are going to start you training with Xander, Ronon, and Teyla.  Ronon and Teyla are natives to this galaxy.  They are both highly trained in different fighting styles.  Xander has a lot of training that means he can routinely at least tie with Ronon.  I won't lie, I can't beat Ronon most of the time and I tie with Teyla a lot.  I've been training with them since we joined up with them."  They nodded at that as a group.  "Because of the wraith and the Genii, we need you guys in as good of shape and able to protect yourself as possible."

"The wraith will usually swoop down in a ship called a dart.  They'll beam anyone in their path into it.  Your main job is to clear any civilians and then get your own ass out of the way," Xander told them.  John nodded.  He petted Armand's back.  "The wraith don't care which group they take.  To them, we're all nummy.  They like to get the soldiers more because we fight back and piss them off."

"He's right.  Your job is to protect who you can, rescue the rest, and keep your ass from being taken by them.  I'm not going to say it's easy.  Half the project has ended up taken by a wraith sometime."  Xander nodded.  "Including him.  They do not like Armand by the way.  Armand scared the piss out of them."  Armand let out a quiet meep, getting a pet and a smile from John.   "We'll be briefing all of you tomorrow about all that.  Today, we're going to test you, sort you into skill groups for sparring practice, and see if you have any other skills that we could use.  Like Xander's skills in botany."  Xander beamed.  "Got it?"  They all nodded.  "Good.  Since there's no females, Teyla, you take the right half."

"I can do so," she agreed, stepping forward.  "Split there.  Ronon will go through them faster than I will."

"Yes he probably will."  They split up and Xander got out of the way since he had the dragon.  John looked at him.  "You good?" he asked quietly.

"I'm okay."

"Liar."

Xander shrugged, petting his dragon again.  "I'll be fine.  Some day I'll find someone who wants me for more than my ass."

"I'm sure you will."  He looked at him.  "Then what?"

Xander shrugged.  "Life's pain or else you're walking dead."

"What about someone who's been there?"

"They do much better together than I do with either of them.  Maybe short term but not lifelong.  Jack actually has someone that I nagged him to treat better."  John patted him on the back.  Armand shifted to get John to pet him too.  "You're so spoiled," he told him.  Armand meeped happily.  "I know.  I miss my plants too."

"The last email packet said that Morticia and Gomez are both fine.  Daniel's taking care of them and your library.  You guys are going back on the next run back."  Xander nodded at that.  "This was an unscheduled trip but they got out of SG bootcamp quicker than we thought due to their pasts."  He gave him a slight nudge.  "Kissen showed back up too.  He was nearly bouncing and floating."  Xander beamed.  "He said your buddy was happier and had found a new cute girl to go with."

"That's cool."  He watched the group.  "They're wiping the floor with them."

"They are," he agreed, grimacing.  "They're going to take a lot of work."

"Yeah, they are."  He handed Armand to John and walked out there.  "All right, everyone who's recovered, you get me."  They lined up and Xander got to work on their problems.  They had so many problems.   Sterling got passed into the intermediary group and so did two with commando experience.  Xander sparred with them and one of the commandos lasted more than a few minutes so he got moved into the top group.  The other two stayed in the intermediary.  The rest John lined up to help them.  They'd need to hit the ground ready to move if they had to.  There was no planet in the galaxy that was totally peaceful and nice to them.  Even if the people were, the plants and animals weren't.

***

Xander walked in that night and paused at the applause, looking down at himself then giving them an odd look.  "What?"

"The new treats," Evan called.

"Wait a week," Xander said with a grin.  They all laughed.  He got dinner and sat down, smiling at Rodney.  "Sorry they made the lemon bars first."

"It's all right.  I have that white chocolate you gave me."

"Yes you do."

"Why did you get white chocolate?" Ronon asked, pouting slightly.

"Before we knew we were going to come up, I sent him a few new textbooks and a hunk of white chocolate."  Xander dug in.  "The new guys will come along."

Ronon nodded.  "If they don't run away.  Why is Armand expanded?"

Xander looked over the balcony, down at his dragon.  "What are you doing?" he demanded.  Armand cooed at something in the water.  "Okay.  What is it?"  He meeped then purred at the water.

John looked down.  "Don't invite anything up unless they're friendly, Armand."  Armand snorted and got back to talking to his new friend.

Xander shrugged.

Jon came over to look down then at Xander.  "It's nice he's making friends."

"I'll check on it after I eat."

"Thanks," John said.  He smiled at the watching people.  "Armand's found a friend in the water."

"There was that large creature when I was sunk," Rodney offered.

"That could be," he agreed.  A large scaly head came over the edge of the balcony.  "No, you can't eat unless you shrink," he told him.  "You're too big to beg in that form."  He heard a quiet, mournful meep and looked at him.  "You're too big, you'd need to eat Ronon."

Armand shrank and came running in, pouncing Xander to get half of his plate.  Xander groaned.  "You weigh a ton, dragon."  He handed him half and Armand happily munched, waving his tail around.  When he was done he went to suck up to some other friends but Xander saved them from the begging by grabbing him and carrying him back to the table.  "John, either of you, are we doing anything beyond me translating and training while we're here?"

"Yes you are," John Sheppard said with a smug grin.  "Your team, my team, and a few select others are going to attend a conference with some Genii from the main group."

"Oooh," Xander said, shivering.  "Cool.  Tomorrow?"

"Next day."

"Really cool!"  He beamed at his team leader, who groaned.  "What?"

"No fights.  They're the peaceful side of them."

"I know that."  He petted his dragon, then watched him wiggle down and head over to one of the females from the medical team.  He frowned.  "He doesn't usually go near the nurses."  Armand patted her on the leg, staring at her.  She frowned at him.  He meeped and climbed up to sit in her lap, resting his head on her shoulder.  "Awww, he's giving you a hug."

"He's very comforting," she said.  She patted him and he purred in her ear, making her smile.  "I like you too, Armand.  Thank you."  He stared at her.  "I'm okay."  He cuddled her some more.

"I think my dragon's a bit empathic," Xander said quietly.  He glanced at Doctor Keller, who was watching and frowning some.

Keller walked over to talk to her, getting a sniff and the dragon being cuddled harder.  He didn't seem to mind.  She walked her out to talk to her.  With the dragon who wouldn't let her go.

"I believe you're right, the dragon's an empath," Tilla said.  "Huh, good to know."

"What next, water sprites coming up to shine his scales?" Jon asked dryly.

"No, let's not have water sprites anywhere," Xander said quickly.  "Please, Jon?   I'll beg."

Both Johns looked at him and shook their heads in the universal 'I don't wanna know' way.

Rodney shuddered.  "I agree, I don't particulary want to see those mean things up here either."  Tilla and Fischer gave him an odd look.  "I'm the one who watched the memories we did for his disclosure."

"I only saw about a quarter," John agreed.  "Did I see the water sprites?"

"Did you see me fishing on that place that had the green sky and purple moon?" Xander asked.

"No."

"Probably a good idea if you want to keep eating," Xander said dryly.

"Sure, no water sprites."  He stuffed his mouth.

Teyla came in and sat down, staring at Xander.  "She said you are very dangerous but fairly cute.  But she does not feel the necessary things for you."

"I didn't figure she would since only bad girls like me, Teyla."  He patted her on the hand.  "It's okay.  It was nice to go out on a date with a nice girl."

She smiled.  "Thank you for understanding."

"Not a problem."   He ate another bite, noticing Armand sneaking back in.  "You start begging others and I get to spank," he warned.  The dragon let out a pitiful meep.  The Air Force nurse next to him cooed.  "If you feed him, he'll keep coming back to beg you some more."

"It's nice to have someone beg me for things," she assured him, feeding him a bite of her meatloaf.  Armand nuzzled her leg, earning a smile.  "You're a charmer, Armand.  You probably learned from your human parent."  He meeped and nuzzled her again, walking under the table to get back to Daddy and the hairy friend.  He climbed up Ronon's back to play with his hair.

Xander looked over.  "What is your fascination, Armand?"

"I do not know but it's different than having a woman play with it," Ronon joked.  Armand licked him on the ear.  "Eww."  He got a purr and the dragon went back to playing with his dreadlocks.  "If only women liked me like he does."

"Amen, brother," Xander sighed.  "There's not that many evil girls left in the universe."

Jon looked at him.  "Maybe we'll start on the slightly naughty ones then?"

"No, I've dated plenty of them.  Taught some of the strippers some new moves too."  Rodney choked.  "What?" he asked.

Rodney walked off choking.  "Need help?" John called after him.  Rodney shook his head, before he banged it into a wall.

"I think that was 'my mind is now scarred'," Fischer teased Xander.

Xander shrugged.  "Should've seen it when my car broke down before I blipped, Fischer."

"TMI," Sheppard said firmly.

"Yes, Oh Great One of the hair."

"Are they still calling him that?" Teyla asked.  John moaned, shaking his head as he walked off.

"Yup.  They wanted to invite him back for the planting festival.  They thought he might help promote fertility among the crops."

"For the crops or the women?" Ronon asked.

"The way she said it?  All seed is good seed that night."

"Hmm.  Perhaps we will go.  Weir said it was good to understand cultural rituals."  He stuffed his mouth.

Teyla looked at him.  "I will not comment on that.  That is clearly something for males to enjoy."

Xander launched into a story about a spring planting festival back during druid times, without mentioning the sacrifice of an enemy that had been captured.  She blushed but stared at him through it.

Rodney came back.  "Human sacrifice?" he asked dryly.

"An enemy.  Not part of the later celebration."

"Uh-huh."  He took his plate up to throw out.  Ronon got John's and they went to hide from Xander and his strange mind.  Teyla decided to talk to him more about other strange spring planting rituals.  Her people had nothing like that.  They had a feast, not feasted on their partners in the middle of the fields to help fertilize the ground and their wives.

***

Rodney walked up to where Xander was yet again asleep on a couch in an atrium.  He sighed in displeasure.  The boy clearly needed some mentoring right about now.  But that wasn't why he was there.  He carefully slipped the bracelet the kid wore off and walked it off to scan it in one of the advanced labs.  He found Armand wandering back inside.  "Daddy's on a couch by Sheppard's hall."  The dragon trotted off, finding Daddy and snuggling into his arms.  Xander smiled and cuddled him.

Rodney set the bracelet in the cup and started the scan while he finished the math equations he would need to know by heart to make the thing work.  The power structure was a problem but perhaps they could use naqquadah?  At least temporarily?

***

Woolsey walked into John's office the next morning.  "Why is it that Harris is yet again sleeping in an atrium?  Did we not give him a room?"

"I think the noise is helping him for a bit.  He's spent a lot of time working in that atrium.  Last night I think he worked until he passed out again actually."  He looked up at him.  "He's fine."

"Others are giving him mushy looks."

"Super geeks work until they drop and then get up and work again, Woolsey."

"Does his room not have a balcony?"

"I think it's got a small one but I think in this case it's more that he's needing to hear people.  The first time he was ...there's stages to burn out," he decided to start over.  "At first, Xander needed the peace and quiet to finish calming down.  Now that he's done that he's having to reconnect to people.  The noise of others, even if they're not really around him, is good for him.  He's napped a few times in the lab, even with McKay throwing a screaming fit at some of the botany crew."

"That's strange."

"No it's fairly reasonable.   He spent a long time alone.  Or with ex's who wanted him for his body, not for him.  It's not going to get better for months but he is getting better."

"So we should let him sleep out there?"

"If we could get him up when he slept without threat of being stabbed or shot, I might intervene but I doubt it'll help him.  Beyond that, we can't make him stop working until he dropped, like last night.  We've seen McKay do it in the lab and end up on his desk."

"I have seen that.  So that's his version of it?"

"That and I think the sounds of people are helping his burnout a lot.  That's why he picks those places to work.  Since he doesn't need a lab."

"Why didn't he just be the goofy kid he was?" he asked dryly.

"Who would have respected a twenty-one-year-old civilian with a lot of languages?" he countered.  "We would have all wondered.  None of the soldiers would have relaxed around him.  They would still be wondering if he was a plant or a threat."

"I didn't think about that."

"Exactly.  This way they had a good reason why he knew things he shouldn't know.  It let him make himself comfortable and kept the people that would bother or piss him off away for a longer time.  It also let people come to him for specific reasons, getting them used to him.  Then he could relax back into the goofy kid he is underneath.  None of the soldiers would've trusted him in the field on missions if we didn't know he had experience.  We would've demanded he be put through boot camp.  Even knowing that he had helped out in his former town and it was commando-vigilante style action there."

"I suppose that does make sense.  It's still disturbing to see someone napping on a couch."

"Others have done it.  Sometimes not being alone is the best thing you can have."

"Is he having PTSD issues?"

"I don't know but I'm sure he has some.  I don't know why.  I haven't asked why.  I know Jon O'Neill was twitting him about nightmares again, and why he had one every single time he slept since he was sixteen."

"That's bad."

"That is but plenty of us have them.  He's never had a being that gave a damn about *him* and he's still learning what real friends are because his are bitchy."

"Is he staying?"

"If they didn't have the Ori threat, probably.  Unfortunately he's got to deal with Adria since he's about the only one who can defeat her when she moves to draw on power."

"I can understand that."

"That's why they're going back in two weeks."

"I'll warn Caldwell he'll find him sleeping in the mess or something," he said grimly, going to his own office.

John shook his head, walking down to where Xander liked to work, and therefore nap.  Jon was already there staring at him.  "Where's his bracelet?"  Jon held it up.  "Fell off?"

"McKay removed it."  He put it into his pocket.  "He's not having a nightmare."

"Having someone there can help," he reminded him quietly.

"Yeah, I guess.  Mine never got helped by company."

"Yours were from different sources."

"Good point."  He coughed loudly.  It woke Armand, who glared at them and put his head back down.  "I think that was a dragon version of 'let him sleep'," he said dryly.

"Me too."  He sighed.  "Xander?" he called loudly, making him jump.  "Hey, calm down. You fell asleep on a couch.  People were having mushy thoughts about you, kid."  He helped him up.  "You okay?"

Xander nodded, rubbing his eyes.  "Yeah, I'm good.  Thanks, John."

"Welcome.  I don't want to tempt any of my people to go that evil," he said with a grin.

Xander smiled.  "I'm a good reason to go bad."  He looked at his wrist.  Jon tossed it over.  "It fell off?"

"One of the scientists wanted to see what it ran on.  Go shower and hit your own bunk for an hour, then sparring practice."  He walked off.

John patted him on the shoulder, feeling how the muscles bunched up underneath his hand.  "It'll be okay, Xander."  He got a brown eyed, confused blink up at him.  "It's kinda clear that being out here helps sometimes.  I get that.  Pick the one by the lab so you don't get the soldiers cooing at you later?"

"I....  That's not..."

"Xander, I've had burnout before.  I was well at the point where all I wanted was silence," he said quietly.  Xander nodded at that.  "I know how much it helps sometimes to hear the noise.  I don't mind.  I had to explain it to Woolsey because he was confused, but I get it.  Just pick a less accessible place so the Marines don't go gooey minded."  He smiled.  "I can't afford to send them all back for wanting you as a teddybear."

"I doubt they would."

"Some might."  He helped him up.  "Go shower, eat, whatever."  He nodded, going to do that.  He stared back at the dragon since he was staring at him.  "What?"  Armand nuzzled him and purred then hurried after his father.  "I like you both too," he said, smiling at the sight.  A mother henning dragon.  Was that really strange when you're standing on Atlantis in another galaxy?

***

Woolsey stopped Xander that night when he caught him working in the labs.  "Shouldn't you hit your bunk?" he asked quietly.

"Not tired yet."  He went back to typing.  "This has to get done soon."

"It's waited thousands of years.  I'm sure it will last another night."  He moved closer.  "Your work habit is commendable, Specialist Harris, but it is scaring the crap out of some of the others," he said quietly.  Xander gave him a confused look.  "Everyone realizes that you working in crowded, public areas probably has a meaning.  Most of us believe it's because you've been alone for too long.  A few of the scientists have wondered if we're going to have to have another run-in with one of your former paramours."

"Not likely.  The shield will stay up and it's not taking that much power."

"Good to know.  What about the others?"

"One might check on how Rodney is doing with his alternate power research.  He's not mean, just pouty because he didn't respect me so I left."

"That's always a wise move in a bad relationship.  Plenty of people are wondering if you and your team had a falling out?"

"Not yet.  They're off being busy doing their assigned things.  I spend most of my time on the main base either in my office or in the mess."

He considered it.  "Does no one burst into your office?"

"No.  Because I shortcutted the respect train by not coming in as the former Xander.  No one would've respected a twenty-one-year-old kid with homegrown commando experience and they would've put me in a cell most likely once Landry wasn't looking."

"Good point."

"So if I wanted any respect I had to come in being...me.  That scared some people.  Sam Carter still doesn't like to walk into my office because she can't figure out how I put up multiple new spaces or increased the space in my office since they gave me a closet."

"A closet?"

"Yeah, a seven by thirteen closet."  Woolsey moaned.  "Jack knew I was going to expand the space."

"I suppose that's reasonable."  He stared at him.  "So you don't make many friends on the main base?"

"I have some.  Some are still trying to hide and I have to keep defeating the rumor that I'm an ancient.  Because, who really wants to be that boring?"  Woolsey smiled.  "Frankly, Landry told me it was creepy how I was working in a corner of the gateroom.  Everyone decided I was expecting my ex to come back and attack the base to kidnap me," he finished dryly.

"I understand the allure of being around people, even if they are ignoring you," he promised.  "But you can't sleep in the atrium.  Others have been giving you mushy looks.  Some of the Marines have found themselves confused as to why they wanted to take pictures of you cuddling your dragon when you sleep."  Xander shrugged a bit, looking down.   "Pick a more discrete noisy place than an atrium."  Xander pointed at the lab corner.  "If McKay doesn't mind," he sighed.

"Radek swatted the last one who did."

"I'll make sure tomorrow.  Tonight, find your bunk.  You could probably use the softer sleeping surface and the ability to stretch out for a change."  He walked off.

Xander shrugged, getting back to work.  He had to get this done before his mission tomorrow.

Radek came on shift an hour later and kicked him out of the lab, walking him back to his room and locking him inside.  He kept his laptop so he had to rest.  "You need rested before your mission," he ordered.  He went back to the lab to see what new things he had been translating.  They hadn't asked for anything specific so he was doing whatever sections caught his attention.  There were some interesting things on there.  "I had no idea they had a spring festival."

***

John Sheppard looked back at Xander.  "Be calm, behave," he ordered quietly.

"I am!  Damn grumpy people this morning!"  He stared at them.  "Major," he said, making Lorne jump.  "You have my medical kit.  Can I have it back?"  He dug it out and handed it over.  "Thank you."  He walked closer.  "I'm a field medic.  We can stare at each other for hours on end but let me stitch their wounds," he told the leader.

"You are not one of them."

"Yes I am.  Can't see the patches?" he asked dryly.  "I may not be a full doctor but I have stitched many injuries, including my own.  It makes no sense to make your people suffer."  The man looked at his people, who stepped forward.  "Her too.  I can see the cut bleeding from here.  I know she's only a local liaison but she's still in pain."

"She got scratched by some plant," one of them told him.  "We have to test it for things."

"My scanner can detect poisons," Rodney offered.  He stepped forward to scan her.  "Not poisonous."

Xander looked.  "It almost looks like my plant back in my lab got you," he said with a smile.  "Long, waving tentacles?"  She nodded.  "Suckers on them?"  She nodded.  "It thought you'd make a good meal."  She groaned.  "The spit isn't poisonous but it does block feeling sometimes.  Rodney, want to be my nurse?"

"That's fine," he agreed.  He handed him what he needed to stitch her injury then the others' from helping her get away from the plant.

The Genii leader looked at them for a few minutes then looked at John.  "Is he a nurse?"

"No, he's a linguist.  His past field experience made him take medic classes for field treatment."

"That's not a bad idea," he admitted.

"We find it very handy," he agreed.  He smiled when Xander finished up.  "Xander, Armand found a friend," he said with a point.

Xander looked.  "Armand, no trees.  We'll be beaming again soon."  The dragon grumbled.  "And no mushrooms.  They make you puke green foam.  Especially ones on trees.  She'll give you pepto again."  He walked over grumbling but stole Rodney's powerbar, getting a swat.  Xander handed Rodney his spare one.  "Not like I eat those, they're gross."  He got back to cleaning the injuries.  "Don't you guys have field rations?" he asked at the amused looks.

One nodded.  "They are not tasteful," she agreed.

"Exactly.  Even the ones that're flavored with chocolate or other tasty things.  They taste like the wrapper."  She nodded.  He finished up and looked them over.  "Any others?"  No one said anything.  "I can do anything short of surgery, including removing poisoned thorns, bullets, that stuff."

One coughed.  "I have one that needs removed but it is in a delicate spot so would need a real doctor."  Xander pulled him closer so he pointed at it.  Xander looked at the scan Rodney did.  "Hmm.  Not a bad placement."  He could shift it manually.  "I can get it out. The problem would be an infection.  Do you guys have antibiotics?"

"Yes.  Our doctors said it was growing into my backbone."

"No.  It's still real loose.  Close to it but loose."  He looked at his kit.  "Jon?"  He tossed him something, making Rodney catch it.  He pulled out the scalpel and stuff to numb him.  "Are you allergic to anything?"

"No.  Including your medicines."

"This'll burn for a second."  He injected it and rubbed the spot, then used the scalpel to make the small incision.  "I need forceps," he said quietly.  Rodney handed some over.  He pulled it out and dropped it into the guy's hand.  "Sponge or gauze."  He packed it and put a bandage over it.  "In two hours, and before six have gone, have someone stitch that," he ordered calmly.  "That gives it time to scab but no time to infect.  It should seal with a very small scar."

The soldier nodded.  "Thank you."

"It's not a problem.  I hate seeing injured people."  He packed up things and used a plastic bag to put anything dirty into.  "There.  No others?" he asked the leader.  "Is that a boil?"

"It was released last night."

Xander pinched it and more puss came out.  "It needs drained again."  He walked off after handing him a wet wipe.  The containers got put back into the packs and he looked at John.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  We're at peace with them.  I have no problem with humane aid."

The Genii leader nodded, pressing on his boil.  "Pull it apart instead of squeeze," Rodney ordered.  "Those are caused by skin infections."  He nodded and did that.  The guy helping him grimaced at it but even the solid stuff came out this time.  He looked at John.  "We can start the negotiations?"

"We can."  They set out camp chairs so they could get comfortable.  This was going to be a long talk.

Xander was watching the area around them instead of listening to the negotiations.  He stiffened as Armand sniffed then grew in size.  "Wraith!" he said sharply.  The camp got broken quickly and they moved into the trees.  Xander got Lorne out of the way of a beam and fired on it.  Armand swatted the dart down.  Another two showed up with a third behind it.  He fired on them, ducking out of the way of a beam.  Armand swatted another but it didn't crash, just got forced off course, and the rest open fired.

The last one was brought down first and wraith came out.  Xander took them on, moving one of the idiots out of his way.  He pulled something off his armband and threw it after pulling the pin.  It expanded on the way over to the wraith then blew them and a big damn crater.  He pulled off another gun and shot the one coming back for another time.  John took another gun from him and Xander muttered the growing spell, tossing one at Jon too.

They fired and the wraith went down.  The last one headed back for the gate but McKay had stuck a remote dialer on it and dialed it halfway so it wouldn't get away.   They went chasing after it, finding it trying to dial out.  Xander pulled off something else and threw it at Armand.  "Bat it, baby."  He batted it at the dart, making it explode just above it.  It went down and they picked off the remaining wraith.  Xander stared.  "That was easy."

"Too easy," Jon agreed.

"Search 'em," John ordered.  They went onto the ships and shot any of the hiding wraith.

The Genii helped get the ones closest to them.  When they were sure, they met again in the clearing.  "What sort of weapons are those?" he asked John.  "You have bigger guns than those you usually carry?"

"Only him," he said dryly.  Xander smiled and waved.  "He gathered them illegally on a few trips before he joined the program."  Xander nodded, still grinning.  "It's good he likes us sometimes."

"Landry confiscated the rest for program use," Xander quipped.

"He should look at all your miniature ones," Jon assured him.

"You nark and I'm *so* cursing you to impotency."

"Not like I'm dating," he shot back with a smirk.

"And I can make sure no little ones ever come into being.  A permanent cockring spell."

"Ow," Lorne muttered.  "Stand down, you two."  He looked at the Genii, who were looking amused.  "He's his team leader," he said with a point.  "Xander clearly needed more coffee this morning."

"I had some."

"We have heard his name talked about," the female Genii said.  "When I was scavenging that outpost, the locals talked of him."

Xander beamed.  "Did I fix dolls there?"  She nodded.  "The kids needed the happiness."

"I agree.  It made them happier."  She looked at her leader.  "They say he is not the normal Lantean."

"So I have heard," he agreed.  "What are you?" he asked Xander.

"I happened to run into a machine that gave me memories of someone else and led me to travel some more."

"Ah.  A machine of the ancient's?"

"Not around here but something like that, yes."

"No wonder you know more languages so young.  Does he need to pull out the medical kit?"

Xander nodded.  "That is why.  Guys, any more injuries?" he asked.

"Just scratches on our side," Lorne said.  The Genii nodded at that.  "So let's get back to talking.  We need Xander to translate more about an ancient spring celebration later on."

"Interesting," the head Genii admitted.  They sat down to work out the trade agreement.  They would honor this one because that one being was scary and might go against them.  There was no telling what he could do if he could make weapons tiny and yet still useful.  He did ask Sheppard, who admitted they had no idea how he did it.  It was a gift from how and where he was born.  They decided to think about that matter.  For now.  They would have to plan how to get that one on their side instead of the Lanteans.  He could do much to help them wipe out the wraith.  The dragon creature had went back to lap sized and was playing with the one they called Ronon.  Maybe he was his and they could ask how he was created after they studied what they had seen.

***

Xander looked up from his packing when the door beeped.  "Enter."  Ronon walked in with Armand cheeping at him.  "What are you doing?" he asked his dragon, taking him back.

"He seemed quite insistent that I come see you," Ronon said.

Xander looked at his pet.  "What are you doing?"  Armand nosed his necklace then at Ronon.  He gave him an expectant look.

"Did he just want you to shrink me so you could take me with you?" Ronon asked.

"I think he did," Xander admitted, staring at his pet.  "He can't come back with us, Armand.  He needs to protect up here for now.  You can ask John Sheppard if he can visit sometime soon."  Armand went limp, looking pitifully at Ronon.

"No, if I go to earth, it will be for a reason, not packed as a present."

The dragon made pitiful noises at him.  "Go ask Sheppard."  The dragon hopped down and went to talk to his favorite begging subject.  He would help him!  He looked at Ronon.  "Sorry," he said quietly.

"It's good to be adored.  I'll have to tell a woman sometime about this so she'll want to pack me the same way."

Xander leered.  "I might offer but I know you like girls, big guy."

"Yes, I do.  Otherwise I would have taken you in, paddled you into better behavior, and made you train more than translate.  My mate must be a warrior."  He walked out looking smug.  Armand had grown and was carrying John by his collar, making Ronon stop.  "No, I cannot be packed that way.  We will visit the next time one of us is in the same galaxy."  Armand dropped John, making him groan.  "Are you all right?"

"I wondered why he pulled me out of my office."  He stood up.  "What's going on?"

"He wants to have Xander shrink me so he can pack me."

John looked at the dragon.  "I need him to protect us.  Otherwise the mean things like the wraith will take me, Rodney, and Teyla.  Or Lorne.  They really want him so Ronon protects him."

Armand shrunk, making pitiful noises at Ronon.  Ronon picked him up to hold.  "I will see you as soon as we are back on earth or the next time you show up here. It will not be long.  Your father is more enjoyed up here."  The dragon nuzzled.  "Harris?" he called.

He came out, taking his dragon carefully.  "You know we'll be back in a few months," he said dryly.  "Until then we have to go kick Adria's ass.  She's a mean and evil woman."  Armand growled at him.  "Not one I'm going to date," he sighed.  Armand cheeped at that, seeming to grin.  "We'll be back up once we've beaten Adria again.  Okay?"  He nuzzled is friends and let Xander walk him off shaking his head.

Ronon looked at John.  "I didn't think he was that strong."

"He's very strong.  He pulled me across my desk."  They walked off together, him going back to his office.  He waved at the Marines gearing up to rescue him.  "Armand wanted me to convince Ronon to let himself be packed."

One of the marines went 'awww' and the rest cackled.  Lorne looked at him.  "You okay, sir?"

"I'm fine.  He was very gentle when he was carrying me off like a toy."  He went back up to his office, settling down to rearrange things on his desk.  He might never live that one down.  Or Ronon.

***

Ronon woke up that night to something chewing on his hair.  He looked up at the dragon.  "How did you get into my room?"  Armand went back to gnawing on one of his braids.  Ronon realized what he was doing so he got up and cut that one off, handing it to him.  The dragon cuddled it, curling up next to him.  "You should be with your human."  Ronon got a warm blast of smoke against his side, but not too hot.  It was like a heating pad.  "Thank you."  He petted him and it was nice.   He hadn't had a pet to sleep with in a while.

***

Xander got handed Armand by Ronon.  "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"He wanted one of my braids."  He shrugged.  "That's fine with me."  Xander grinned and gave him a short hug then let Armand nuzzle Teyla, Rodney, and John.  Xander put the braid into the small pack on Armand's back and it was good enough for them.  "Behave, dragon, and we will see you soon," Ronon told him.  Armand cheeped happily and waved his tail, snuggling around daddy's neck on the way through the stargate.

Once at Midway, Jon looked at them.  "Is he okay?"

"He misses Ronon.  He even went in to chew one of his braids off so he could keep it."

"Aww," he said dryly.  "I heard he carried Sheppard off."

"He wanted me to shrink Ronon so I could pack him too."

Jon snickered.  "I'm not sure if the general would like that or not."  They got passed back through to earth and Armand ran through first, being his bouncy self.  They came through and found him climbing up Cam and meeping.  "What are you doing?" Jon asked dryly.

"I think he wants to show him his Ronon braid."  Cam opened the bag and Armand pulled it out to hold up and show him.  "Yup."

"It's very nice of him to give you one," Cam promised, petting him.  He carefully put it back.  "There you go.  Now, go play with daddy?  You're a bit heavy."

"Backache?" Xander guessed.  He took his dragon back.  "We'll put that in your bed."  He petted him.  "I give killer backrubs if it'll help."

"No, I'm good.  A bit of a strain.  I took some aleeve."

"You sure?  No strings attached."

"No, I'm good.  Go help Jackson with his stacks of translations?"

"Sure, I can go make them do their own work," he said dryly.  He went to drop Armand and his braid into the office.  He dropped his own bags and went to Daniel's office.  He had a foot high stack of necessary work to get done that he was napping beside.  Strange how none of them was originally his.  He gathered what he wanted and went to hand it back out.  One gasped.  "I don't care," he said patiently.

"Daniel is not the translating God and he does not need to do your work as well.  He has to go out and threaten the Ori and the Gou'ald so he can't do your work too, lazy bitch."  He kept going.  "Singers!"  She snapped awake.  "Good!  You know Summerian too!"  He handed her that paperclipped together thing.  "Yours.  Daniel is too busy to do your work too."  He walked off, taking the rest back to the other people in anthropology.  "Yo!" he shouted as he walked in.  "Daniel and I have more important things to do than to carry lazy bitches who can't do their own work.  We have to go out and threaten the universe now and then so we can't take the stuff you don't want to do."

He put the stack down.  "That's yours.  Not his."  He walked off again.  He got to work on his own things.  When he was done with his six projects he went to check on the others, casually wearing his laser pistol on his hip.  They groaned and got back to work.  Any work that appeared magically back on Daniel's desk got handed back with a glare.  He didn't care who complained, they were too busy to carry the rest of th department.

"Those who are behind *clearly* need to get their brains flowing again.  Anyone who is behind can join me on my daily five mile run if you'd like," he said with a smug look.  That got a mass horrified look.  "Because we can put more geeks on teams you know.  Then you have to be in shape.  Because if Daniel and I can do it, so can you!"  He gave them a winning smile.  "Then you guys can do your jobs and go out to get into trouble in the universe!"  They got back to work.

One scowled.  "I'm second-in-command in linguistics, Harris," he complained.

"Then you should be able to do your own work without pawning it off on Daniel.  Because we're *busy*," he said slowly and clearly.  "We have more than this to do.  If I can go to Atlantis with a clean desk, even with more projects than you guys do, and come back with a clean desk, even with being sent some projects, then you can at least do your own work."

"You never come out of your office," he complained.

"And?  You sit in yours all day on Facebook!"  He moved closer.  "Daniel and I are both *really* tired of pulling everyone else's weight as well as our own.  We already get at least double the amount of work they ask you guys to do.  Then you sit on your ass updating your personal notes.  She sits there to talk to her virtual girlfriend.  He sits there and leers at his porn.  I can make sure Sam Carter blocks the internet if it'll help you guys get your own work done.  Because I have better things to be doing than your work on top of my work.  So update your little friends on Facebook that your boss is mean and if you don't do your own work, there's going to be daily 5K runs so you guys can get your brains back in working order.  Because my stop after Carter's abode of hell, is the Caf to ask her to limit all sweets to linguistics that aren't doing their own work.  Your choice."

"I'll go to Landry," he sneered.

"General to Linguistics," Xander called over the intercom.  He came in a minute later looking confused.  "I believe it'd be a good idea for those who can't find the time to do their own work in between their online lives to go on a daily 5K run, sir.  Because we do need more of them on teams.  None of these ones are ready."

Landry looked at the horrified faces.  "He's right, we do need some of you to join away teams."  They groaned.

"It can't just be me and Daniel going out to threaten the universe and make us new enemies," Xander quipped dryly.  "Since clearly some of you need some head clearing time, some time across the gateway running away from natives with weapons should help!  Jon said trees are very good for your brain."

Landry smothered a smirk.  "Did they give you more of their work again?"

"I walked into Daniel's office and found nearly a foot high stack of things that weren't his."  He looked at him.  "I gave them back, sometimes to someone new, and went to do the six projects I kept."  He handed them over.  "They're still not done with single ones.  I think their brains are stuttering thanks to the online porn, the virtual boy and girlfriends, and the Facebook/Twitter issues."

"I can see that point being valid," he agreed.  The linguists were starting to look like they were going to throw up a mutiny.  "But if they're doing their work they should have free time if nothing else has come in."

Xander looked at the stack of things on a table that needed to get done then at him.  "I decoded a third of the non-virtual Atlantis database in six weeks."

Landry looked.  "I agree, that's a bit backlogged.  A brain clearing run through the woods around the mountain might help," he admitted.  "We do need them in better shape too."

Xander beamed.  "If they keep slacking, I'm going to ask the caf to not let them have sweets.  I'm tired of being their sled dog."

"I agree.  You do more work than they do plus you're on an away team.  They should be able to do normal levels of work."  A few gasped.  "So we'll monitor the internet usage and the amount of work that gets handed in.  The more handed in, the more free time we'll allow.  Those who are totally slacking, we'll look at for away team usage since clearly quiet lab work isn't your thing.  I'm sure I can get Colonel Mitchell or Major Tyler to help you get ready for away team work."  He clapped Xander on the back.  "Where is Doctor Jackson?"

"Still asleep on his desk."

"Good.  Check on him.  I'll expect a progress report later tonight," he told the official second-in-command.  Who was seething.  "We've been waiting over six weeks on some of this."

"No, that's in mine," Xander told him.  "There's no reason to wait that long for anything with twenty of us on staff."

"I agree," he said.   "Go help Teal'c with the new recruits once you lock Doctor Jackson's door."  Xander nodded, going to do that.  He stared at his geeks.  "If you guys don't push your work off on others, they don't get upset.  Jackson himself had suggested that we dump some of you who never seem to do any work."  He left, taking the translations up to his office.  The kid could defend himself if the linguists got mean.  A few hours later he got called down there about Armand nearly snapping a few of them in two.  They weren't happy linguists and Cam Mitchell was handling it.  They got to go on that promised 5K run after all.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  They tried to break into Xander's office."  He looked around, finding Daniel wandering and muttering.  "Jackson," he said, getting his attention.  "Hit your bunk."

"I just got up," he mumbled, blinking a few times.  "Why are we all in the hallway and did Xander take some of my work from me again?"

"No, he handed it back to the rightful owners," Cam said dryly.  "Go get some coffee, Jackson."  Daniel nodded, heading for the pot.  He glared at the others.  "Go back to work unless you want to join them topside."  They stomped off.

Carter looked over from where she had joined them.  "The internet's going down," she decided.  "Daniel hasn't slept in days again apparently and Xander's ready to kill them I think."

"He suggested a good 5K run to get their brains working," Landry told her.  "And that their internet and sweets allowances be cut for a bit."

"Good!" she agreed.  "Because now they're making me cranky."  She walked off to set that up.

Cam shuddered.  "I'm sorry she has PMS, sir," he said quietly.

"It's better that than a team-wide sugar rush," he said dryly, walking off again.

Mitchell shuddered.  "That's a bad mental thought, sir."  He walked off.  Harris was helping train the newbies.  Jon was watching those doing their runs.  It was maybe a better day.  He ran into Jackson and his large mug of coffee.  "Range time tonight, Jackson."

"Yes, mother," he said dryly.  "I won't bait anyone for days."  He went into his office and looked at his desk.  Then he shut and locked his door so they couldn't overload him again.  It was nice of Xander to remind them that he had other work to do.  He settled down to sip his coffee and do things he hadn't been able to do for months.  Of course, he couldn't get into his email at the moment.  He went to get Xander's laptop.  He could *always* get online.  He really had to learn enough magic to learn how to do that, his cellphone thing, and how to teleport ten feet out of a cell.

***

General Landry looked at the base the next day.  "I am looking to make a few new teams and fill in some spots that have been vacated for one reason or another," he announced.  "That means there are now eleven science spots, twelve for linguists who enjoy translating on the go, and seventeen sergeant or better military spots."  He waited while a few people cheered.  "You will of course have to test up to our standards for the regulation skills.  If some of more academic people don't step up, I will take recommendations from unit heads."

Jon raised his hand.  Landry pointed at him so he stood up.  "I think the geeks going on digs and other off-site scientific missions should be able to meet up at least most of the way to qualifications, sir.  We know they're an easy target otherwise."

"I can agree with that and I was about to announce that myself, Major."  He looked around.  "He's right.  Anyone working off-site from the Mountain, either on digs or Atlantis, have to be able to meet up to mandatory requirements.  It's been too often we've mourned members of the science and other academics' staffs because an exploration site got attacked.   The answer is not more guards to watch over them, but the scientists themselves being able to protect themselves if necessary.  That is why I am putting up new requirements for going off-base on missions.  If you cannot meet them, you cannot go."

Xander raised his hand.  "Sir, even I fall short on one of those."  He got a stunned look.  "I can't climb ropes."

"You have other skills and if they prove to me they have ways of compensating for that weakness, they can be passed."  Xander nodded.  "As such, our PT and boot camp instructors are going to be going over certain things with everyone who wants to apply for off-base missions.  Starting tomorrow.  This does go for Atlantis but Colonel Sheppard has them all do a boot camp when they get up there.  Things are too dangerous to let the academics off-base and into danger if they can't take care of themselves."

"I can't see McKay doing anything like that," one protested.

"He's on Sheppard's team as his geek," Jon told her.  "You know very well they make him do PT, range time, and all that.  Radek Zalenka too."  She slumped back in her seat.  "We've had every single exploration site attacked.  There's not enough Marines to go around so therefore you're going to have to take some responsibility for your own safety."

"Jackson's not the most military updated geek, but he does know how to fire if he needs to, how to run, has enough stamina to run, and can make himself useful in a fight," Cam Mitchell told them.  "The academic's standards are half of what the military's are.  Yes, we colonels agree that this is necessary.  Some of you have no sense sometimes when you're attacked.  We need to train that into you so you do things that won't make us waste our lives trying to keep you from going back for a single pebble."

Landry nodded.  "I've heard many complaints like that over the last few months.  It's too dangerous unless you can take care of yourself.  I've got six projects waiting on authorization.  If you're behind one of them or wanting to go, you have to be cleared before I assign personnel.  Or else you'd have to go later or to another project."  Everyone sighed.  "This goes for every branch of the academics."

"Sir, some of us can't compare to our super geeks," one youngish guy complained as he stood up.  "I can't compare my physical fitness against Carter's or Harris'."

"We're not asking you to," Cam told him.  "Carter and Harris live up to military standards.  You guys have lower standards.  They have to be able to handle it like a member of the military would.  You have to be able to hit the broad side of a barn with a gun if necessary, be able to run to save your own lives, be able to follow orders when necessary, and if you have to, handle an emergency like an earthquake."

Xander raised his hand.  "On that note, I'd like to suggest that all base personnel, even down to us geeks, get at least advanced basics of medical treatment.  Bandaging, splinting, CPR."

"I won't make that mandatory, but I can see how handy it is.  Especially when you can't get to the gate right away," Landry said.  "I'll make it highly suggested.   Too many people could have been at least bandaged on site and helped then instead of letting them bleed on the way to the gate."

"Please add animal and plant bites, sir," Mitchell said.  "Because if I hear Harris say 'I don't know how to treat that' I tend to freak out."  Xander smirked at him.  "We've had plant bites that have infected and things.  We needed medical then, not to wait an hour for the enemy to give up searching for us and stomp off plus however long it took to get to the gate, and back with medical support, probably under fire."

"It's also helped make allies," Xander agreed.  "I've made friends even among the Genii from taking care of some injuries."

"I heard that report.  Good job," Landry told him.  "I agree, nothing to the point of stitching but the basics of bandaging and field treatment so you can move them to a medical person.  I'll make that highly encouraged."  They all nodded at that but some looked unhappy.  "I know some of you faint at the sight of blood.  I'm hoping like hell none of you have to see your own in the field beyond a papercut.  Unfortunately accidents, natural disasters, and attacks do occur.  We lost one of the anthropology department last month to an earthquake and then a rockslide.  If someone there had been able to bandage her leg and help her move, they might not have been in that area when the attack came and she might not have decided to stay behind to give them more time to escape."  They nodded at that.  "Any further questions?"

"How soon if the project is awaiting approval, sir?" one physicist asked.

"I'd test soon to see how close you come, and then let me know that and how you'll fix it before any project gets a go."  She nodded, sitting back down.  "It's not a high ring to reach, people.   We didn't set the bar that far above where it should be for incoming recruits.  You should all be able to do that."  One sighed and raised a hand.  "I know about your leg," he told him.  "You have to prove to me that you can function in the field.  Which you've done a few times.  You should be able to meet everything but the running one."  He nodded at that.  "Any other questions?"  No one said anything.  "Dismissed."  Xander waited until everyone left.  "Doctor Lam is going to complain about the extra work."

"She'd probably rather see a splint than a compound fracture sticking out of a leg," Xander pointed out.  "Or a bandaged wound that was cleaned for her and ready for surgery instead of one with mud and blood caked in it."

"She probably would," he agreed with a smile.  "She's still going to complain to you, Harris."

"Let her.  It's very helpful."

"It has been," he agreed.  "That was good work with the Genii.  How many had weapons?"

"Concealed?  Four."  Jon stared at him.  "I got my hands on most of them that way, Jon.  Plus if they're injured, they're cranky at that time."  Jon nodded that was true.  "So yeah, I'd rather spend the time showing that we're compassionate, wise beings who are willing to help others until you piss us off."  He stood up.  "How many of the linguists are going to have problems?"

"Probably about half," Cam said.  "They are the sweets and nibbling patrols most of the time."

"Don't remind me.  Someone has a very bad scorched popcorn habit."  He walked off shaking his head.  Daniel and a few others gave him a pointed look when he came out on their hallway.  "I did not suggest it.  He and Sheppard have been talking about it since PX-368 had that earthquake and then rockslide.  That was the sixth person we lost from the science and humanities corps in three months."

"It was," Daniel agreed.  "By the way, Vala's back, Xander."

"Cool."  He looked at them.  "If you want, I'll help you guys meet minimum requirements.  It's not that hard.  Basically, if you can last through an aerobics class, you can do this."  They sighed at that, shaking their heads.  "Also, recruitment's down and we need the marines on teams, not guarding excavations."

"That's true," Daniel agreed.  "As much as I hate to admit it, it's true."  Xander shrugged.  "Who do we test with?"

"PT instructors I think."

"Okay, those who have projects waiting, test for a prelim soon," Daniel ordered.  "Carter agreed to this at an earlier meeting of section heads."  They sighed but went back to work.  He looked at Xander.  "Technically you're not the twic, Xander."

"I know that, Daniel, but I also know I'm not their sled dog."

Daniel smiled.  "That's a nice way of putting it."

"We're so backlogged and there's no reason for it.  I know I worked all day doing construction before and then went on patrol.  I know I've got a good work ethic, but that just bugs the crap out of me.   We do more than three times the work of some of them," he said quietly.

"We do," he agreed.  "I agreed on those points.  Giving them runs.... not so much."  He smiled.  "That was mean."

"Jon said a walk or a run through the trees can clear a mind," he quipped.

"It worked.  They're doing their own work."

"No they're not.  I came in to all the Summerian texts on my desk this morning."

"I got all the Ancient ones again.  Want to switch?"

"I can do Summerian."  He shrugged.  "Not a problem."  Daniel smiled and clapped him on the arm.  "I'm only doing my own work from now on.  Unless you give it to me personally or Landry does or it's an emergency."

"Agreed.  I'm feeling the same way.  Though I never thought of myself as a sled dog.  Maybe the mule pulling the cart."

Xander smiled.  "I'm cute and fluffy."  Daniel burst out laughing, and they went back to their offices.  They cleared their stacks and made sure no one from the department could give them more work to do.  Xander walked in a few hours later to look through the back stack of translations.

"Xander, can you check mine?" one said.

Xander came over to look at it.  The original was stapled behind the translation.  "These don't go together."

"Yes they do," he said smugly.

"No they don't.  That's Linear B and you translated it in Greek."  He looked at him, handing it back.  "Try that on Daniel."  He grabbed his pile and went back to his desk.  He went to tell Daniel about that trial so anything that had to be handed in went through him as a filter.  Xander handed him a red pen with a smile.

Daniel found that one and went back to the guy.  "Did you mix up originals?" he asked.

"No.  Why?"

"Because this isn't Greek," he said, holding up the original.  The guy only smirked.  "Get it right or be fired."  He handed it back then went back to his office.  He wasn't putting up with it.  He found a new pot of coffee and sniffed.  "Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome."

Daniel got a large cup and sat down to check translations before putting them into a stack to go to the general.  After the sixth crap translation he decided to snap.  He walked in there.  "Let's go," he ordered.  They stared at him. "Now!  I'll be damned if my department is going to be this lazy and stupid.  Let's go!"  They followed him topside.  He pointed.  "Five miles is to the stone marker and back.  Make it in under an hour."  They stared at him.  "Or I'll have the MP's help you pack your desks.  I'd go now, people."  Xander came up behind him and took off jogging.  "You didn't screw up on purpose, Harris," he called.

"I know, boss, but if we're all doing it, I'm not exempt.  I'd go, guys.  His watch started when you got on the elevator."  They groaned and most started off at a slow jog.

A few Daniel got MP's to get them down to Landry.  Two of them had handed in wrong translations.  The other three were just lazy and he kept getting their work.  There was no way Daniel was putting up with this.  He took off jogging.  He knew he could make that mark easily.  Xander was pushing himself and was turning around by the time he got halfway there.  "Slow down, Harris.  You're making me feel lazy," he teased.

Xander smirked.  "I might have a date tonight, boss."

"Go for it.  You need one.  It's been too long."  Xander beamed and finished his run, going to clean up in his apartment and take the night off.  He had a pass from Landry.  He heard the screaming and looked at the general's assistant.  "Walter, I'm using my pass tonight," he said quietly.  "I have a date."

"It's a miracle.  Have fun, be safe, don't make little Xander's," he quipped with a smile.

"I'm still infertile, Walter.  Can't happen."  The general opened his door.  "Sir, mine are done and I have a date in about an hour.  Can I use my pass?  I can finish the rest of the Summerian ones I opted into tomorrow."

"Go."  Xander beamed and bounced off.  He looked at them.  "You have one week to turn your ways around, people.  The military needs to trim the budget and taking out slackers does that just fine.  It won't create more work since you don't work anyway."  They huffed off.   He went to talk to Carter.  "These five have no net access for the next week."  She coded it in.  "Thank you."

"Daniel or Harris throw a fit?"

"Doctor Jackson snapped after a lot of intentionally wrong translations.  The rest of them are on a run.  Harris has a date."  He went back to his office.  He found Jon waiting on him.  "Harris has a date."

"About time."

"Is there a problem?"

"The geeks are a bit upset."

"I don't care," he said bluntly.  "Your older self had to train the right responses into Jackson.  Harris came in jumpy.  Even McKay learned how to deal on a field team.  They can too."

"I heard a lot of chorus's of 'that's unfair just because we're smart'."

Landry shook his head.  "I should get Sheppard and McKay down here to run geek bootcamp," he muttered.

Jon smiled.  "He might if you asked.  Or send Lorne."

"He might like the time down here."  He sent that email into the package to go up on the next delivery.  "The field medic class?"

"Doctor Lam is swearing but admitted it might be helpful.  She has no idea when she'll have time to teach it."

"We have others who can teach medic classes," he said.  Jon smirked and left after a salute.  He called the infirmary.  "Doctor Lam, General Landry.  Would you rather I bring in someone to teach the field medic lessons to the boot camp people?"  She said something smart.  "Gladly.  Then you can do an updated later one?"  He made that note.  "That'll work.  Thank you."  He hung up and emailed Jack O'Neill to arrange that.  That would work and their people wouldn't have to die needlessly over a scientist going back for a pebble with a single letter on it.

***

General Landry walked into the police station the next night, looking grim.  "What did my linguist do, Captain?" he asked once he was shown into his office.

"Nothing really, sir, but she drugged him so we wanted to make sure he got back to base and you knew what had happened so he wouldn't be in trouble for missing call this morning."  He handed over the report.  "We have him pacing in a cell because he's on a goofy high still.  We weren't sure he wouldn't hurt himself during it."

"Thank you for that kindness.  Harris said he drew evil women," he said dryly.

"This one clearly was his sort then.  He looked at someone else we had and said you might need to look at them because they were one of your snake unit?  Something about covert ops rescue team?"

"I'll see if they are," he agreed, knowing what Harris had meant.  "Is he in trouble?"

"Harris?  No.  He seems like a nice, goofy kid, General.  I'd be proud to call him mine.  When my boys burst in to answer the calls from her neighbors that said he was complaining loudly about being tied up for her pleasure, he kicked her at them so they could take her down easier.  He did everything right and reported his name, rank, and that he was at the local base before he passed out.  The paramedics said he was high as hell but the ER released him back to us so we could take a statement.  That's when we realized he was giggling and not real coherent.  We got the basics of a statement but she confessed when he kissed her in the halls and she agreed she could confess so she could beg him for more later on."

"Yup, that's his luck," he sighed.  The captain smiled at that.  "Let me get him and the other one off your hands."

"That one was breaking into somewhere."

"I'll hand him to NCIS if he's a marine."

"Gladly, sir."  He walked him down there, showing him the snaked one first.  General Landry stared at him and the guy's eyes flashed.  "Is that from radiation?"

"No, probably whatever he took to get this dumb."

"That's fine.  A few of the boys were worried."

Landry smiled.  "It's not a problem.  I promise."  He took hold of him once they had the cuffs on him.  They went to retrieve Xander, who was humming again.  "Harris," he said firmly.  "No humming."

"Ooops," he said quietly.  "I didn't mean to, General."

"I know, son.  Come on.  We'll let Doctor Lam watch over you for a bit."

"But she'll poke me and not in the fun way," he whined.

"Tough.  C'mon."  He sighed but nodded, following him out.  When the gou'ald tried to break free Xander hissed something in his ear, making him stiffen and suddenly behave.  Once he had them in the car he looked back at his linguist.  "What did you tell him?"

"That I'd fuck the pouch and make his symbiot like me more.  That they all did, just look at SiSi."  He shrugged, slinking down some.  "I'm sure I can go sleep it off in my rooms, General."

"Fat chance, kid.  If you get drugged, you got to the infirmary."  He drove them back, waving the MP's over.  "This one is to go right to the brig," he ordered, handing him over.  "I'll lead the other to the infirmary."  He walked them down there.  He ran into Teal'c.  "He ran into a gou'ald in the jail."

"I will alert people for you," he said.  "Why were you in jail, Xander?"

"She was mean to me, Teal'c.  Gave me funny stuff and tied me down for the bad reason."

"Ah."  He nodded once.  "You dated."  He walked off to tell Mitchell they had another gou'ald in custody.  "Xander's time in jail after a date allowed him to find a gou'ald.  He is in the brig."

Mitchell moaned, handing Daniel the five bucks.  "I didn't think it'd go that badly.  Where is he?"

"The infirmary but he was clearly in an altered state.  He said she was mean to him and tied him down for the bad reason."  Daniel cackled at that, going to collect more winnings.   Mitchell went to complain at the gou'ald.  Teal'c shook his head.  He did not understand why some people bet against something that was sure to happen.  He probably never would.

***

Daniel walked into Xander's quarters that night at his yell.  "I didn't know you had a room," he teased.

"They won't let me put a bedroom in my office," he said with a shrug.  "What's up?"

"Are you feeling better?"

"Mostly.  Problems?"

"No, one of the guys that got pissed that he bet against you getting in trouble threw me into a wall and I remember you said you gave good backrubs?"

"Sure.  Take off the shirts and come sit in front of me, Daniel.  Lean on the footboard."  Daniel did that and Xander got the oil he liked out to work on that for him.  At the first moan he put up a silencing spell.  That way no one would say anything about him and Daniel being together.  There was that rumor among the physicists.  Someone pounded but they didn't hear.  Cam stomped in and they saw his mouth move but no sound came out until he stepped closer.

"What the hell did you do!" he demanded.  "No one can speak out loud on the base, kid."

"Ooops.  I switched the silencing spell so no one would gossip that I'm working on his back."  He corrected it.  "Sorry."

Cam stared at him.  "You can't do that shit."

"I didn't mean to!"

"What would keep that from happening?" Daniel asked.

"You're not my type, you're not evil," he said dryly.  "It's too much energy.  I'll work on that later.  I'm sorry."

"Fine.  Don't do it again," Cam said, stomping off.  He slammed the door.

Xander shrugged at Daniel.  "I decided to try celibacy since none of mine wanted me in a good way."  He got back to his backrub, easing all the tension.  Daniel's moans were pretty but Xander knew he didn't have a shot there.  He finished up, leaving the sleepy linguist on his bed.  He went to his office to find something he wanted to read and then retreated to his library for the night.

Vala walked in, staring over his shoulder.   "What's that one about?"  He flipped the page to the former one, which was explicit in the extreme, but a nicely drawn picture.  "Oh!"  She stared.  "Is that two men or one man and a woman?"

"One man and a hermaphrodite," he said, grinning at her.

"What language is it in?"

"Latin."

"I didn't know that they had porn back then."

"Yeah.  There's been porn since there were people."

"Interesting."  She sat down beside him to read it.  "How do you translate it."

He kissed her on the cheek.  "Vala, I was wanting personal time to deal with the issue of why my silencing effects went backwards."

"Oh!"  She got up, smiling at him.  "I'm told I'm not naughty enough for you."

He grinned.  "You're plenty naughty but I'd never hit on you.  Cam would try to kick my ass again.  Then he'd have to pout when I defeated his macho, big protector kick."

"He doesn't."

"Yes he does.  He totally threatened me to not hit on you."  He grinned.  "He decided I might make you strange."

"I doubt that."  She smiled at him.  "Do you have any in english?"

He got up and found her three, handing them over.  "Het, het, and gay smut."

"Male or female?"

"Het is male/female.  The gay one is male on male."  She beamed and took that one to read outside his door to annoy him.  She didn't need that sort of protection.  Xander closed his office door and locked it then his library door, laying back down on his couch in there to go back to his smut.  He needed a good smutty thought or six to cure the built-up energy in him.  Then the magic would quit going so screwy again.  That had been embarrassing but at least it hadn't switched it so he was broadcasting.  He heard someone come into his office and stared at the door.  They were clearly checking on his plants so he let out a fake moan.  They fled and slammed his office door behind themselves.  "That works too."  He got back to his smut.

***

The General walked into Xander's office the next morning.  "Harris."

"Yeah, boss?"  He held up something. "Report?"

"I did need that but I came to talk to you about your office's use last night."

Xander looked at him.  "Not like I brought a hooker in, General."

"Not the point, Harris.  We don't allow things like that on base."  Xander gave him a 'get real' look.  "If they're in their rooms, that's one thing."

"Daniel was crashed on my bed after I worked the knots out of his back.  I was in my library and I had locked the office door.  No one should've been able to hear me.  Beyond that, it was a fake moan."  He got back to work.

"You still can't do that in your office, son."

Xander looked at him, then smirked.  "General, we do realize I'm twenty-one and I haven't been on a date in *months*?  I haven't gotten laid since the last natives that decided I was special that way, on my first trip to Atlantis."  The general moaned.  "Unfortunately that's what caused my silencing spell so no one would talk about Daniel getting a backrub for the tension in it to go oddly last night.  Also, I clean up after myself.  Not like the cleaning crew comes in here anyway."

"It sets a bad example."

"I can say I was translating it.  It's in Latin."

"I don't need to know that."

Xander grinned.  "If they hadn't broken into my office, they never would've known."

"Still not the point, Harris.  It sets a bad example."

"Fine, I'll go sex up the natives the next time we travel, sir.  Not a problem."  He got back to work.

"Why can't you hold that in like others?"

"You don't, and neither does anyone else on this base.  You have a wife," he said dryly.  "My last boyfriend used me for the piece of ass he thought I was."  He looked at him again, then smirked.  "I could be totally evil and go let the geeks who flirt back have me."

"No, please don't.  Go off base more often."

"Then you get a call from someone saying I'm off base, do you know where I am, like the last time."

"I didn't...."  Xander gave him a knowing look.  "I did," he sighed.  "From your friend."

"Yeah, Willow's being a bit nosy."  He shrugged.  "I've got to relieve that urge somehow, sir.  It's either I go pounce someone and make them my boyfriend, I go make a new girlfriend suitable for me, or I take it in hand.  Which do you want?"

"You to do that in your quarters, not your office."

"I was in my library!  Not in the office."

"I don't care!  Have some decency."

Xander pulled out a picture.  "Half the rest of the universe doesn't believe in clothes like we do."

He shuddered at the simple, thin, pants the boy was wearing.  They were nearly see-through.  "Don't wear those around base or I'll ground you."  He stomped off.

Xander smirked and posted that picture on his door, in the nametag holder.  Then he got back to work.

Cam walked past, pausing to look at the picture.  He took it out and put it on the desk.  "Be more discreet."

"I just got chewed on for reading smut in my library instead of my rooms.  Blow it out your ass, Mitchell."

"I'm so giving you an appointment at the local whorehouse."

"The last one I went to they nearly paid me to teach a few things.  Apparently oral sex wasn't well liked in the twenty-fourth century anymore," he said, going back to his translating.

"I don't need to know that!" he complained.

"Yay!  It's got to come out somehow since I've decided to be celibate for a while to hopefully break that streak of people who only want my ass for it's tightness."

Cam walked off wiggling his fingers in his ears.  He ran into Vala in Daniel's office, finding her reading something and Daniel trying hard to ignore her.  "Vala, hand it back to Harris."

"He said I could borrow it."

"I don't care!"  She pouted but went to get something even worse.  She was sure he had something.

"Thank you," Daniel said quietly.

"Want to escape?  There's a short diplomatic mission."

"Sure."  He slammed the book shut and grabbed his gear, sneaking out so Vala wouldn't see them.

***

Landry walked in a few hours later.  "Harris, take your smut to your rooms," he ordered.

"It is in my room, General."

"This office...."

Xander pointed at the doorway.  "That's mine, General, not yours.  It is in my room and if people keep annoying me over being a sensitive, sexual being I'm going to start walking around naked!"  Landry fled at that.  Vala giggled from where she was reading the het smut.  He sighed.  "I so need laid."

"I'd offer but I'm not that bad."

"No you're not.  Like oral sex?"

"I don't know.  I don't think that's something I've ever had."  He got her a different book.  She read it and giggled but stared at the pictures.  "You can do that?"

"Yup, and it's fun."  He got back to work, carrying the last page as he worked on the last few things.  Then he dumped it on the general's desk.  "I'm trying to be celibate so I don't get any more pouting ex's who only liked me for my ass's abilities.  The least you could do would be to support me in this!" he said firmly.  "I still have to relieve that pressure because I'm twenty-one and it builds up energy so my magic goes screwy.  If you don't like me having my library, the offer for me to translate from Bermuda is still open."  He walked off again, grumbling the whole way.  Maybe he really did need laid worse than he thought.

Landry listened to Jack O'Neill's advice.  "I can't do that.  He was in his little library.  Yes, that one.  Someone walked in to look at his nursery and he groaned to make them run away.  That and he's spread it to Vala, who was reading outside Mitchell's door last night to annoy him and just now in Jackson's office to annoy him, making them both run on a short off-world diplomatic mission."  Jack gave him more advice.  "I can't do that.  He might make them go bad too."  He grimaced.  "No, he was working on a knot in Jackson's back and let him nap in his bed."  He nodded.

"Exactly.  I don't know.  He's pouty.  I know he's twenty-one.  The Marines...  No, you're right, he's not.  I know they take care of it but they're more private about it.  I wouldn't care but I don't need pouty Marines or evil scientists.  He said since his first trip to Atlantis."  He grimaced.  "That probably is.  I know we were warned about his libido being that strong and his flirting, Jack.  What do you want me to do?  I can't do that.  We might need him at a moment's notice because of Adria.  No, he's fully corrupting Vala.  If I let him go out, I'll have to retrieve him from the jail, Jack.  I did his last date.  She confessed to torturing three different men.  Exactly!"

He sighed.  "I told him to take it to his rooms.  He pointed out the library was his room."  He smiled.  "Please talk to him.  Thank you."  He hung up and took some tylenol.  He didn't want to know about anyone's sexual habits that way.  Of course when he got into the translations it was all about Aphrodite's Temple.  He groaned, putting it aside for now.  He didn't want to see that.

***

Jon walked into Xander's office, finding Vala digging through a trunk.  "More special stuff?"

"He had picture magazines that would give me a better idea of what the people in the story are doing."

Jon stared at Xander, who was working.  He kicked his chair, getting his attention.  "Like a college dorm, you have to be discreet, Xander.  No one wants to hear you."

"Which is why I put up the silencing spell that went wrong," he said dryly.  "Too much energy and I get screwed up."

"Then deal with it in private."

"I can't get much more private than in my locked office in my library."

"You do have quarters, right?"

"Yeah.  Daniel was sleeping on my bed after I worked a knot out of his back.  That's why I locked my office door but someone decided to come in to look at the plants."

Jon sighed, shaking his head.  "Even in your quarters it's just not done to get loud and active."

"Jon, respectfully, I'm not going to change who I am ever again.  I like myself.  I like my sexual habits.  I may be celibate right now so I don't have to go through another breakup at this time, but I don't care!  If they don't like it, then they can come blow me.  I've been in orgies before."  Jon growled.  He stared back.  "Listen, I don't care.  I did try to do a silencing spell so no one would talk about how I finally got that lower knot out of Daniel's back.  You saw how that went.  What more do you want me to do?"

Jon sighed.  "I know you're trying."

"It's not like I can get an apartment off base.  I'm not fucking allowed."  Jon flinched at that.  "Even if I did, I'd have Willow there in about two seconds."

"You could, we do."

"I'm on call at all times in case of problems."

"Good point.  Still, can't you keep it down?"

"No!  I can't!  I'm who I am and if they don't like it, screw them!"

"Boys," Vala complained.  "Being quiet while having sex means it's terrible."

"Exactly," Xander agreed.  Jon shook his head.  "There's no one on two sides of my quarters.  Upstairs is a maintenance closet.   You're on the other side and you don't use yours so who's going to know?"

"You were in here."

"No, I was in there," he said with a point for the doorway.  "With it closed.  And my main door locked.  Beyond that, I'm not the only one who tosses off in their office.  Shit, dude, half of chemistry had a wank the other night."  Jon shuddered at that mental picture.  "If I'm locked in my library, I don't want anyone to bother me, if I'm having dirty personal time or if I'm just sulking.  If whoever doesn't like it, I'll gladly go translate from a beach somewhere so I don't bother anyone else.  Now, get out of my office!"

"Fine.  Calm down.  I'll mediate between you and the general."

"Tell him to go blow his wife, it'll make him feel better."

"Fine."  He walked out, closing the door since Vala had come over to give him a hug.  He ran into the general halfway up the hall.  "He had a point.  He's not the first who did it, he was locked in his personal space, and he has a right to his own needs."

"He told me to do what?"

"What I would've told you if I was that pissed," Jon admitted, staring at him.  "Even on base, he does have the expectation of privacy in that space he created.  It's not like we own it, General.  No, no one should've broken into his office.  The rest of our offices get respected.  If we close our doors, no one breaks in.  His was closed and locked."

"Still...."  He took a deep breath.  "He could live off base."

"No he can't.  He's right, we call on him all hours of the day and night.  The same as Danny's place off base is mostly for show.  He makes it home maybe once every 2 weeks if nothing is going on.  Mitchell and I haven't seen our off-duty places in weeks either.  Probably a month in Cam's case."

"You could."

"I might, but the others can't.  They get both of them out of bed for translations and emergencies."

Landry considered it.  "I can see fit to let him find one."

"Even if he did, that person who calls you would cause him problems."

"I'm sending someone to talk to her anyway," he admitted.

Xander came out.  "Fuck it.  I'm going to go back to the eighteenth century, find a slave filled whorehouse, buy it, free the slaves, and then teach the ones who want to know how to do it better."  He walked past them.

"Xander, this just appeared on your desk," Vala called.  She held up the notecard with the simple 'you'd better not' in a flowing script.  "I don't know from who."

Xander smirked.  "The same nagging bitch that keeps irritating me each time I go off base, Vala.  Willow Rosenburg."  He looked up.  "Fine, I'll just teach them better and then find a way to free them."  He looked over as a redhead appeared, glaring at him.  "What?"

"You can't do that!"

"I can so do that!  I've done it plenty of times."

"You're not going to be allowed to screw things up, Xander!"

"Excuse me?  I haven't screwed anything up and I never got stopped from possibly causing an apocalypse."  He moved closer.  "I'm also a hell of a lot more responsible since I had the ethics coven on my ass from day one, after they removed all those spells you put on me.  That's why they wanted to talk to you."

"They're...."  She let out a shriek and stomped her foot.  "They're not right!"

"Bullshit."

"They aren't!" she shouted.  She tried to hit him but he slapped her back, knocking her into a wall.  "How dare you!"

"You're getting hysterical and I doubt you want to show your ass on a military base, Willow."

"I know what they do," she sneered.  "You fell into Riley's trap."

"No, I'm helping them defend us from a bunch of enemies who want to take over.  We're not torturing anyone."

"I saw what's down in the brig and those unnatural things!" she shouted with a point.

"Yeah, they took them in," Xander said dryly.  "That's why they were captured.  The little snake things are the enemy!"

"Classified," Jon shouted.  "And quit yelling."

"Fuck off," Xander told him.  "She hacked and found it anyway."  He stared at her.  "Those people got taken over by the enemy, Willow.  We didn't implant them.  We already knew they had them.  For that matter, they're immature.  The older ones take over the being.  As I found out with a boyfriend."

"You aren't gay," she ground out.

"No, I'm bi.  You're stopping me from going and getting laid, Willow.  Do you mind throwing this fit later?  I haven't had sex in weeks."  She tried to hit him again but he smacked her back again, this time in the middle of the forehead.  "I've fought in numerous battles, Willow Rosenburg, and I will hit a girl.  Even you when you deserve it.  So stop it!"

She pulled up magic.  "I'll undo whatever they did to you!"  She threw it at him but he caught it, staring at it before dissipating it.  "How did you do that!" she shrieked.

"I got *training*," he said dryly.  "By the same people who need to finish yours."

"They're mean and evil!"

"No, they're ethical.  Something you haven't found yet," he shot back.  "Perhaps you should before you do something I have to fix and then have to kick your ass over.  Because they'd expect me to fix you, Willow.  And I'm tired.  Really tired.  So just stop and go home."

"You're coming with me!  We'll fix you," she said, moving closer.  "You know me, Xander.  I'm Willow."

"Yeah, I know that, Willow.  I have known that.  I knew that all through the centuries I spent traveling."  She gaped.  He nodded.  "Yeah.  So no, I'm not putting up with the bitchy thing anymore.  I'm too tired to do it and you're interrupting my necessary sex time.  You going to go home or should I send you there?"

"You're not like this!" she said coldly.

He looked at her.  "Excuse me?  I'm not what?  You haven't actually talked to me in more than a year, Willow.  I've only been here eight months and you didn't talk to me before then.  I talked to Spike more than I did you or Buffy.  So no, I am like this.  Especially now.  And right now, you're keeping Jon and the General from checking to make sure the enemies that want to take us over and use us as slaves aren't closer.  I've got to blow off some stress before I blow up at my teammates and the general again.  Do you mind?"

"Yes!"  She pulled up more power.  "I can't let this go on."

Xander smacked her on the head to knock her out magically.  "Let me handle that."  He waved a hand at his office.  "Vala, you're the only one who can see those."  He picked up Willow.  "Let's see what Martha thinks of you."  He disappeared with her.  He landed beside Martha, dropping her onto a table.  "Yours."

She looked.  "We sent someone to talk to her about how she was annoying your general, Xander.  Stand down, this is Civilian Specialist Harris from the SG base."  The soldiers all grumbled but stood down.  "What happened?"

"She decided I'm not like that," he said dryly.  "And that she the right to try to pull me home to put up with her bitchy problems."  She sighed, staring at him.  "Seriously."

"What else happened?"

"I had fun in my specially created library.  Someone broke into my office so I groaned to make them flee in terror since they're all afraid of dicks in the office."

"Your team leader?"

"The general.  I'll be damned.  I can translate from Bermuda and they can call me for major battles."  He pulled her in for a hug and a kiss.  "Have fun with her.  I'm going to find a whorehouse to liberate and then teach better."

"You shouldn't.  You don't know that it won't change the time stream," she reminded him.

"I'll do it on an island that doesn't get freed, how about that?" he offered.

"No!"

"Fuck."

She smiled.  "We're in New York, go find one, Xander.  There's plenty of brothels up here."

Xander relaxed.  "You sure?"

"I'm positive.  Two wanted me to work for them."  He beamed at that.  "Mind out of the gutter, Harris."  She swatted him on the arm.  "The Doctor would be ashamed."

"It's been almost two months."

"Oh, damn.  Your powers are going funny, aren't they?"

"Last night," he said dryly.  Willow moaned.  "Let me flee before I beat her.  She landed on the base.  She's hacked to find out and scried."  He left, heading out of the building.

"Sir, who are you and did you sign in?" one of the security guards yelled after him.

"SG sent me," he called, waving back at him.  He skipped outside, getting a cab and heading off.  He might call Owen up for a bit of fun but the telltale he had on him showed he was busy.  He called his bank to make sure of his balance.  It was very healthy.  Yeah, he could handle this neediness with a few mil.  Very easily.  The cabbie dropped him off in front of a fairly clean looking building and he walked up to the bouncer.  "How much for entry?"

"Membership."

"Can I sign up?"

He got the madam for him.  Xander talked to her quietly and she sent him to a better place. One that had men, women, and understood those needs.

***

Martha Jones walked up to where Buffy was, handing her the handcuffed Willow.  Willow was glassy eyed and pouting.  She had retcon'd her within an inch of her mind, then used something UNIT had developed to enforce it.  "Miss Summers."

She looked at her then at Willow.  "Are you from that coven that wanted to beat her for the unethical conduct and the magic addiction?"

"No, I'm from UNIT," she said, pulling out her ID.  Buffy moaned.  "She has been tampering in classified projects.  Scrying and other things."

"Xander's?"

"That too," she said dryly.

"Oh, crap."  She sighed, looking at her friend.  "Will she stay that way?"

"No, she gave me lip," she said, her British accent coming out more.  "I would not put up with it.  I gave her something to make her stop being so flighty and bitchy."

"Okay.  Will it wear off?"

"Yes, but the other things we did to make sure she could not tell about those programs won't."  She handed over the lead attached to the cuffs.  "I believe you can handle her now.  She will not disbehave again, will she?" she asked Willow.

"No, ma'am," she said quietly, looking down.  "I'll behave.  I won't cause any more problems or you'll feed me to Torchwood's pterodactyl."

"Good!  That's what I'd expect."  She smiled at Buffy.  "Xander is fine, even if he is a bit frustrated because there's no one there to date."

"No evil people?" she quipped.

"No, they weed those out," Martha said dryly.  "He's still in New York at a brothel and playing around."  She pulled out a card.   "If the retcon should break down, let me know."

"What's retcon?" Buffy asked, taking it to put into her pocket.

"It's a memory blocker.  So she won't remember what she saw of the classified projects."

"Oh, like her memory spell?" she asked.

"Something like that, only on purpose.  Did that coven hear of that?"

"No," she said, wincing some.  "They already paddled her in front of Giles, then him for not paying attention to his student's education and actions."

"Good!  They should have and probably will when they hear of that issue.  The Doctor would never stand for such selfish actions and neither would Xander or Jack."  Willow flinched at that name.

"Who's Jack?  Someone Xander works with?" she asked.

"In an associated project to mine," Martha said.  "He's traveled and was the original owner of the band that Xander accidentally used."  Buffy shuddered, shrinking back some.  "He was not pleased.  I believe they had a talk as well, that's how she knows about his pterodactyl."  She smiled.  "Now, you let her nap off that cocktail of sedatives.  If she starts to break into classified materials again, I can find her a good paying job.  Permanently."  She shook Buffy's hand.  "Do be safe, Miss Summers.  There's not enough of us on this side of the fight."  She left.

Buffy gave Willow a sad look.  "Let's get you to Mom.  She's strong enough to deal with you tonight and Tara's there babying her."  She walked her off, keeping her in the cuffs.  Willow didn't seem to mind them at the moment.  She ran into Riley and his wife.  "A very nice lady from UNIT named Martha Jones handed her back."

"Good!" Sam Finn said firmly.  "Did they do something to make sure she'd quit annoying people?"

"Yup.  Retcon?"

"Memory blocker," Riley said.  "To keep her from remembering or talking about what she butted into.  You're lucky they didn't conscript her, Buffy."

"I know.  She said next time.  Xander's in New York at a brothel?"

"Probably," he said dryly.  "Where are we going?"

"Mom's.  Tara's there.  They have a pet pterodactyl?"

Willow whimpered.  "I won't ever be a bad girl again, Jack.  I promise," she whined.  "Please don't make me go back to the sludge geyser planet or leave me with the biting water sprites or anything!  I promise I'll live up to the time lord ethical code!"

Riley looked at her then at Buffy.  "If that's the Jack I'm thinking of, yeah, he was mean enough."  They walked with her.  "Did they sedate her?"

"Yup.  Miss Jones said she was cranky on the flight.  She said it should wear off soon."

Riley nodded.  "Probably."  They walked in and he nodded at Joyce.  "We came to confiscate anything she has on the classified projects she hacked and scried, Mrs. Summers."

"Are we going to lose her like we did Xander?"

"No, ma'am," Sam Finn said.  "Not this time."

"I'll remind her of that."  She looked at Willow.  "Do we have a universal key to those cuffs?"

"I don't," Riley said, looking at his wife.  She pulled out her keys to find hers and undo them but Willow pulled away and hid them away from her.   Riley moved closer.  "Willow, it's Riley.  Let us remove the cuffs," he said calmly and quietly.

"No!  Jack said it's bad to fight them," she whined.

"Jack's not here, Willow. You're at Buffy's.  You're back home."  Willow blinked at him.  "Let us remove the cuffs," he ordered.  She made whining noises but he took the key to release her, handing them to his wife.  Willow pouted at her hands.  "I know he was mean but as long as you're a good girl you won't need them again.  If you're a bad girl, you'll need them again.  Okay?"

"I won't be bad," she whined.

"I know you won't.  If you are, Buffy will put them back on."  Willow nodded.  "Good girl, now curl up on the couch for a while so you can rest."  She did that.  Buffy covered her with a blanket.  He looked at Joyce and Tara.  "She should be fine," he offered quietly.  "They scared the crap out of her probably."

Buffy nodded.  "If it helped her magic addiction I'm all for scaring straight."

Her mother nodded.  "I am as well.  We know the ordinary methods weren't working."  She gave Tara a pat on the arm.  "She'll be fine, dear.  They probably gave her something to ease the traveling."  Buffy nodded.

"No, not a slime geyser!" Willow moaned.  Tara walked over to cuddle her.  "Jack said you're a goddess I should worship, that you'd keep me safe and help me," she whispered, cuddling her.

"Of course she is," Sam agreed, smiling at them.

"It's good he didn't say anything against them," Buffy said.

"He's fairly...a slut," Riley said.  "I don't think he'd turn down anything."  His wife swatted him hard, making him yelp.  "He wouldn't!"

"He's taken," she said firmly.

"He is?" Riley asked.  "How do you know?"

"I saw how he looked at his assistant."  She smirked.  "Who looks much nicer in a suit than you do."

"Sure, let me turn gay," he said.  She got him again and so did Buffy while Tara glared at him.  "Sorry."  He shut up and let his wife handle it.

Sam Finn smiled at the ladies.  "I'll train him better later.  If she starts down that path again, call us or call her, Miss Summers.  Understood?"

"Thank you," Buffy said, shaking her hand.  "Good luck getting Xander out of the brothel."

"He picked up bad habits from Jack's traveling band," Riley said dryly. "We've heard he had a number of male and female lovers while he traveled.  Not all of them fully human."

Buffy shrugged.  "You know we wouldn't care as long as they're not harmful," she said dryly.  "Look at who I dated."

Sam smiled.  "At least Riley's civilized now."

"You did a good job.  He was okay before but he belched now and then."

"He's much better now," Sam promised, putting her arm through his.  "We'll leave you alone with them.  Let us know if you need more help."  She walked Riley out.  "You have been nicely civilized recently, Riley.  Thank you for not belching in front of my family."

"It was an upset stomach from the nightly hunting," he complained.

"I know, dear."

Buffy looked at her mother.  "They were clearly mean to Willow."

"Probably enough that it broke through her spoiled moment."

"They're going to end up taking her too.  Then I'll be alone."  She knew she was pouting but she didn't want to be alone.

"They won't as long as she's a good girl, Buffy, and maybe they'll do like they did for Xander and send you a few more helpers in exchange for him.  You said you liked the ones that Xander sent back here."

"I don't mind them.  They're decent guys.  They don't joke or wear ugly shirts though."

"Xander is unique but it was nice they sent two to help you."

"Yeah, it was.  They even have battle experience and planning skills.   They've got all of Xander's skills but the joking and the ugly shirts."

"I saw one wearing an ugly printed t-shirt," Tara offered quietly.

Buffy smiled.  "So maybe they're getting into the Xander mindset after all."  She went back on patrol.  Her mother had Willow and Tara's situation well in hand.

***

Jon looked at his watch then at the general.  "Did no one tell Xander he was due back today?"

"I don't think I did call him," he admitted.  He called his cellphone.  "Harris, report for duty," he ordered into the voicemail.  "You have a briefing in ten minutes."  He hung up.  "I know he's dented his bank account at an electronics store and a few other places that weren't listed as more than company names."

Jon shook his head.  "So he bought a tv and porn, General?"

"Possibly," he sighed.  "Give him ten minutes.  If he's late I'll beat him myself."

***

In Wales, Ianto looked over as a new box appeared.  "Why does he send them to me?" he muttered, picking up the smaller box to look at.  It was only half the size of the last one.  It barely rattled.  It had a note on the top next to his name and the shop's address.  He plucked that off to read it, mentally snickering.  Outwardly, he was simply amused.  He called down there.  "You have a new present."  He put the note up.  Jack came up to get it and took it down there.

In the meeting room, Jack put the box on the table.  Gwen looked at it.  "Who sent something to Ianto?"

"Harris," he said dryly.  "He's the one who forwarded the Doctor's birthday present to me."  Owen and Tosh came in last.  "Present."  He took Owen's knife to open it then handed it back.  He opened it and something popped up.

Owen stared at the bobbing dick.  "Apparently it didn't like being stuffed in there."  Tosh giggled.  Gwen looked horrified.  "He did suck up some of his memories," he reminded her.  "He knows how much shagging he's gotten."

Jack glared at him.  "Not half as much as some people.  He gets more than I do."

"That's because he's young, firm, and very open to nearly anything," Owen taunted with an evil smirk.

"I was a few years back."  He carefully opened the rest of the flaps in case anything else sprang up at him.  He stared in the box.  There was chocolate body paint, and strawberry.  Plus various lubes, condoms, and other toys ranging in size from finger shaped to 'must be a party favor' though a few had names written on the ends. He looked underneath them and closed the box.  "I'll spank the little brat."

"That's one hell of a birthday present," Gwen said, clearing her throat.

"Sounds like he expected him to have fun," Tosh agreed, trying not to blush.

"I'm wondering why he named some," Owen said.

"I don't want to know," Jack told him.  "I might get a headache."  He carried it into his office.  He had a use for most of those.  Clearly the kid was sharing *way* too much.  Ianto looked up when he walked into the shop a few minutes later.  "Was there a note?"

"He told me to use them to give you a happy birthday."  He let him have it.

Jack growled.  "The little bastard."  Ianto smiled at that.  "I should spank him."

"He might like it."

"You never know about him," he agreed.  Ianto smiled.  "It's definitely different.  He even named some."

"I'm sure they were good memories for him."  Jack walked off shaking his head, going back to ignore the box.  Ianto got back to what he was doing.  It was so fun to watch Jack be flustered by a gift of dildos at the office.

***

Jack O'Neill walked into the brothel.  "Is my linguist here?" he asked the bouncer.

"Who is that, sir?"

"Harris."  The guy looked clueless.  "Xander."

"Upstairs on two, sir.  He's running a clinic in how to use a tongue to better use to tease and get people off faster."

Jack sighed, shaking his head.  "He was due back on base two days ago.  Does he not have his cellphone?"

"No, sir, it wasn't in his pants."

"Wonderful."  He waited there.  He did not need to know those tricks.  The bouncer got him when the lesson let out and he went up there to interrupt his fun.  "Harris!" he snapped.

Xander blinked at him.  "Hi, Jack.  What're you doing here?"

"Did you not bring your cellphone?"

"Nope.  I brought my pager though."  He held it up.  "Why?"

"You were due back two days ago."

"Really?  Oops."  He got up and kissed the girl he was with.  He gathered things and walked down with him, not ashamed of being naked, sweaty, and a bit tired.  He kissed the madam on the cheek.  "Do I owe anything?"

"No, dear.  Those classes were *wonderful* for my people.  Thank you for doing that for me and come back the next time you're in New York."  She showed him out.  O'Neill was glaring but oh well.  She sighed in pleasure.  "Such a nice boy and he tipped very well."  The bouncer nodded.  She went back to her office.  Even she had learned a few new tricks.

Jack had them beamed up and down to the briefing room.  Landry covered his eyes.

Jon stared at him.  "Xander, I can't let you through the gate that way.  We might make new enemies when they steal you.  Can you at least put on underwear?"  Kissen, Fischer, and Tilla were all staring in horror.

Xander looked at himself then shrugged and put on pants and a t-shirt.  "I'll go find clean clothes in a minute.  I had my pager, General.  Why didn't you call it?"

"I didn't have the number."  He looked at him.  "You have ten minutes to change, arm up, and then you have a mission."

"Okay."  He strolled off to change, arm up, and came back still without underwear on but heavily weaponed with knives and a few guns.  Plus the dragon.  He handed General Landry the braid.  "That has to stay here so you don't lose it," he reminded the dragon.  Who nuzzled it a few times then put it into his backpack that Tilla fastened for him.  He purred at her and curled up in Daddy's lap.  "What're we doing and where are we going?"

"A planet the Ori had visited recently," Jon said.  "You have a pager?"  Xander slid it over to him.  He found the number and put it into his phone.  "That way someone else has it."  He slid it back to him.  "You better?  Less edgy?"

"He was running lessons," Jack told his clone.  "Just go!"  They fled the generals.  Xander was still looking comfortable and calm.  He flopped down in his clone's chair.  It was his when he was briefing for missions.  "Hammond would've screamed for weeks."

"I can't blame the boy.  He never gets off base."  He looked at him.  "Did he wear underwear?"

"No."

"Damn idiot.  What if something happens?"

"They'll think he's easy."  He shrugged.  He sighed.  "The madam said he didn't owe anything thanks to those classes."

"He spent a good quarter of a million on things."

"Jon told me he had a tv delivered and a few other things."

"I heard," he said dryly.  "Vala offered to unpack it when only she could see two of the boxes."  Jack shook his head with a sigh.  "It's nice she can see his pornography."

"At least he's getting his work done," Jack said dryly.  "Half of the geeks don't once they find a porn site."

"That is true, he does do more work than most of the rest of the group," Landry said.  Someone knocked and Daniel walked in with Vala.  "Xander's back."

"Wonderful," Daniel said with a smile.  "Where was he?"

"Whorehouse giving lessons," Jack said dryly.

"Reading his collection has taught me many things," Vala assured him.

Daniel looked at her.  "Don't start."  He looked at Jack again.  "Is he all right?"

"Lank, refusing to wear underwear," he said dryly.  "I'm letting Jon yell at him.  Mini me can blast him the whole trip."

***

On Atlantis a few weeks later, John Sheppard opened his email, staring at the complaint from Jon Tyler-O'Neill.  "Why is the dragon a fertility idol?" he mumbled.  He read how that had happened and sighed, shaking his head.  "Ronon, come to my office please?" he called over the comm.  Lorne, who had been doing paperwork, leaned over to read it.  He burst out giggling.  "I don't want to know," John decided.  He let Ronon read it, making him laugh loudly.  "I have no idea why they had a female dragon statue but they're insane."

"It's where Harris needs to settle down," he said, handing it back.  He walked off to share that with the tiny, yelling doctor.  "Armand has proven a useful member of the team," he said to interrupt the screaming match.  Radek gave him an impatient look.  "It seemed one town that had been started by Camelot's ancients had a stone dragon statue that they revered as their protective idol.   Armand became ...excited and happy at the sight of her and grew to full size, trying to copulate.  That night, the drought broke and a tremendous rainstorm fell in time to get crops into the ground.  They now consider him a fertility idol."

Radek snorted, walking off shaking his head to tell Rodney that.  He needed to lighten up as well.

***

Xander walked out of the stargate, tossing John something.  "Yours."

"Why are you wearing leather pants and why did they send you this time?" he asked.  Armand came trotting through in his bigger form carrying a larger case.  "Is that the explosives?"

"Yup."  He floated the other six cases and then one last one with a pat.  "For someone who needs them."  The gate shut down behind them.  He checked, Armand's tail tip was out of the way.  "Good job, Armand.  Put it down and shrink."  He did that and gave them a happy meep.

John looked at the cases.  "That explains the cases.  Why are you wearing leather pants and an Atlantis leather jacket?"

"Down there I have to dress in BDU's.  Up here I got told I could wear leather again because it's light body armor."  He beamed.  "General Landry said I had to bring my evil leather pants up here to wear them on missions."

"We'll see," he said dryly.  The fact that they were evil probably had a story behind it.  He looked him over.  "You will be wearing more than that if I allow it, Harris."

"Of course, I'll have weapons."  He beamed.  "So, am I just translating since Jon has a migraine from the plants that hit on him?"

"Yup.  For now.  By the way, I heard that story."

"I brought you guys a sample," he said proudly.  "And of my function bush."

"Like in Xanth?" he asked dryly.

Xander beamed and nodded.  "I even brought the special fertilizer."

"I don't want to know what you and Botany create."  He came down to check the cases, blinking at one.  "Why do we need those?"

"General Landry said the IOA was very upset that so many sexual liaisons happened.  They said military personnel weren't to get laid anymore.  We protested and I had a magical accident in their offices to prove it was better if I did," he babbled.  "They agreed you could but it would be rare so those are to take the place and to help those that don't get to go on away missions to those nice places."  John covered his mouth, staring at him.  "He said so," he said behind the hand.

John removed it.  "General Landry told you to bring those up?"

"General O'Neill quipped and said that was the only other way unless they wanted you guys to break frat regs.  The IOA authorized the buying of them and the tapes in the black case.  Woolsey should have an email from them.  So I'm a good leather delivery boy today."

"You certainly are."  He heard choking and looked at the office area.  "See if that's Woolsey on the IOA's suggestion on how to get around frat regs?" he asked Chuck, who went in there and came out nodding but blushing.  Xander beamed at him.  John sighed.  "Take those to his office," he ordered.  "Let me sort out the explosives, and then you can take the samples to Botany.  How about that?"  Armand sniffed his hair.  "I know, I need gel," he said dryly.  He got a lick.  "Thanks, Armand."  Woolsey came stomping down.  "They ordered them to pick up surrogates?" he asked dryly.

"They think some people get too much from the natives."

"It's that or breaking frat regs," Xander said happily with a smile.  "I got to help pick some out.  Oh!"  He unhid something in his pocket, putting them down and unshrinking them.  "There you go.  Vala and I are generously donating those since we're bored with them."  He beamed at John.

"What does Vala have to do with it?"

"Who else was going to help pick them out?" Xander asked him.  "She's not squeamish and some of the soldiers on our base haven't even heard of the concept and have no idea why there are frat regs."

John shook his head.  "Okay, this one and that one," he said with a point, "go to Woolsey's office.  Take the trunks too."  The Marines carried them up there.  He checked the other ones, sending up another case.  That left three of explosives and one with samples.  "There, take that to Botany, Xander."

"Sure."  He bounced off with Armand.

Woolsey sighed.  "Is he lacking caffeine?" he asked quietly.

"I think that's the 'I just got back from the whorehouse' bounce," John said quietly.  Woolsey whined.  "Sorry, but he is human that way."  He got the explosives to the armory.  Woosley brought in a few more that apparently had been packed with the dildos.

Woolsey even had to call the base-wide meeting.  He looked at them from the command center in the gateroom.  "The IOA does not like that sometimes people are made to...dally with natives," he said.  "They think it's harmful to our diplomatic missions."  A few guys groaned.  "They said only in cases where it is mandatory, not for fun, people."  He cleared his throat.  "The point of all of us being so far away from people that are more...compatible was raised by many on the SG base, including O'Neill.  They have relented and decided that someone may need alternatives to that issue."

"Then sent us porn?" one marine asked.

"Yuppers and surrogates that they only expected the females to need," Xander told him.  "Vala and I sorted through my stuff so there's some older mags too.  The IOA literally ordered you guys to not even wank off but we talked them out of it by proving the point of post-combat problems and other needs, even with papers from the shrinks so they had to give in."  The whole group moaned.  "So of course that's what they had me bring up with the explosives.  Because they know all you Marines will either blow it up or screw it."  That got a few laughs.  He grinned at the ones who weren't.  "Or pet it sometimes if it's cute and cuddly like Armand."

"That's why we only pat you on the head, Harris," one female said dryly.  "Sir, are you saying the IOA actually ordered them to buy us porn?"

"I am," he sighed, putting up a copy of the memo on the bigger screen so they could all see it.  The marines moaned.  The females giggled, though a few looked pissed, and one of the guys stared at Xander, who shrugged.  "He only helped prove that us being without any needs was a bad idea."

"If I'm too long without my magic goes screwy," Xander said dryly.  "That's why I spent a week and a half teaching some very nice people some tricks I learned over the years."

"TMI!" Rodney said quickly.

"Sorry, Mean Uncle Rodney."

"And don't you forget I'm the mean one," he shot back with a grimace.  "Are they joking?" he demanded.  "It's not April on earth, right?" he asked Xander.

"June."  Radek let out a swear in Czech.  "You should've heard Landry's when they ordered him to buy porn," he teased with a grin.  "That's why Vala and I got sent.  Though a few were suggestions of Daniel's so they're more multicultural."

"Ethnically diverse?" one asked dryly.

"Yes some are."  He beamed.  "And the toys too."  The one really pissed woman stomped off.  "Yell at the IOA," he called after her.  "They decided it and funded it."

"I am!" she snapped back.  "How dare they!"

Xander looked at Woolsey, shrugging a bit.  "I got a good assortment so no one should be bored.  They upped your budget by six grand a quarter to replace anything that gets worn out or if you need new things.  I also asked them to up the food budget so you guys can have a more diverse diet because you guys were nutritionally complete but it's the same ten things over and over.  They agreed to up it slightly so you guys could get real meat now and then." The crew cheered.  "Plus new recipes.  They got passed through in the packets."

"Wonderful," Woolsey agreed.  "How much did it go up?"  Xander shrugged.  "I'll check into that.  It would be nice not to have pseudo-liver for a few months."  Everyone nodded at that.  "Let me know," he told one of the cooks, who nodded.  "Any other astounding things, Harris?"

"Caldwell might be bringing up treats.  You guys deserve a good anniversary party for your third one."  They all beamed at him.  "Including cake mixes and the stuff for it."  That got a bigger cheer.  He'd let them discover the ice cream themselves.

"Did anyone tell you how we were supposed to let these materials out?" Woolsey asked him.

"Up to you, Hoss.  Library, your office and signing it out, Keller signing it out, the shrink squad doing it, whatever you think is best."

"We have a blank, empty room that doesn't have cameras on the entrance," Rodney said.  "I say we pile them in there and let whoever wants sneak whatever out.  That way we don't have to wonder about anyone's proclivities."

"I like that idea better than making myself or Doctor Keller deal with it," Woolsey decided.  He smiled at the new head shrink.  "Can you organize that?"

"If I must," she said, grimacing.

Xander looked around, pointing at three of the worst offenders.  "Guys, there's a few cases, can you help her carry?"  They nodded and smirked at him for that offer of having first pick.  She smirked at him.  "They're young and strong."

"Fine.  Why are you wearing leather?"

"General Landry said I had to wear it up here instead of on base.  There I have to wear BDU's or other camo gear, nothing less."

"We'll talk about him wearing leather later," John assured her.  "And how his guns would be hidden in that outfit."  Xander pulled off his back gun, waving it then put it back.  John shook his head.  "I don't want to know."  He looked at Woolsey.  "Anything else?"

"No.  Go be traumatized somewhere else.  I will be."   Those Marines got the cases and trunks to carry off for the psychologist.  She let them set it up because she blushed at the magazines.  Even the Playgirl's.

Rodney caught Xander before he could walk off.  "Is that my jacket?  I know Armand stole it."

Xander took it off to show off a muscle shirt, looking at the tag.  "It might be."  He handed it back.  "I never noticed he packed it.  Are you sure it's not under your bed again?"

"I've looked multiple times."

Xander muttered and flicked a finger.  A little glowing dot floated off.  "Follow it."  Rodney carried the jacket off.  He came back with his and handed Xander's to him, walking off shaking his head.  Xander reabsorbed the spell, grimacing at the skylights.  "I'll have to beat Jack for not taking better care of him," he sighed.  He went to mope about losing Owen.  Not like they were in love but he was nice to hang with.  Armand was showing Ronon he still had the braid he had been given, while laying on Ronon's shoulders.  He plucked his dragon off him.  "I need a cuddle."  He got one then Armand got down and went back to fawning over Ronon's hair.  "Be careful, some planets now consider him a fertility idol," he quipped, walking off to get a room from Lorne.  "Oh, great Lorne being, where am I bunking?"

"Depends, will you be sleeping on a couch this time?" he asked dryly.

"I won't promise not to."

"No bags?"

Xander looked around.  "I could've sworn I had it," he muttered.  He patted himself down, finding it.  "Yup."  It expanded in his hand.  "Better?"

"Much, kid."  He got him a room assignment, up the hall from McKay this time, and left him to unpack.  He got him a comm earpiece too since Sheppard had called for him.  Xander jogged up to the gym, walking in.

John looked him over.  "That's not much better than wearing the jacket," he said dryly.

Xander shrugged.  "I'm comfy.  They're well broken in.  I had forgotten them but someone gave them to Jack to get back to me.  He didn't even keep part of it."  He smiled at the people giving him worried looks.  "Hi, guys.  Are they mine?"

"Yes."

"Cool beans!"  He walked over to see what they could do.  He corrected a lot of stuff and it was better.  He was useful up here and not the linguistics sled dog pulling the lazy people.  He needed to talk to the other language people up here to get their support.  Maybe rotate out a few so Sheppard could beat them or Rodney could?

8: Showing What You Have To The World

Six weeks later, Xander looked up while on an away mission with his actual team.  "Crap.  Jon, I've gotta go save someone."

"Here?" he demanded.

"No, London.  Something's been going on and I have a way of knowing when someone important is in trouble.  If I don't save him, it'll mean a massacre later."  He left, heading back to the earth.  He didn't care that he had his tactical vest on, or his BDU's.  Or even that he had his rifle on him.  His bracelet was getting tired but it could rest later.  "No," he ordered, pulling Ianto away from Jack.  "Not this time."  He stared Jack down.  "Not in there."

"He needs," Ianto started.

Xander shook his head.  "No.  You'll die.  Then someday Jack will do something incredibly stupid," he said quietly.  "Go," he told Jack.  "Take Martha, take anyone, but not him."  He stared Jack down.  "You don't even have to ask."

Jack nodded.  "Take him."  He watched Ianto leave, and decided to get some more backup.  He took two guys from UNIT in with him.  They were trying to help.  He knew it was going to be bad if Xander had popped in that way around normals.

Xander landed them in Landry's office and Ianto turned to glare at him.  "What was that about?" he demanded.

"I'm saving you," he said quietly.  "Otherwise you'd die today from a plague they're going to release."  Ianto gaped.  "Then later on, Jack's going to use the rage from that to kill a shitload of people in a few centuries."

"That's changing the time stream," he complained.

"Doc can shit!  It'll be a massacre."  He looked at the staring General.  "I don't care what you do, let him do a book inventory everyone's been wanting for all I care."  He turned on the tv so they could follow it.  He felt it the moment it went bad, heading back there as the seals slid into place and didn't hold.  "Get a biological containment field up," he ordered, throwing up a shield.  One of them tried to stop him.  "They released a biological contaminant inside!" he shouted at him.  "Get a fucking field up!"  The soldier ran off to do what he was told.  Xander was draining his reserves.  Martha came running.  "They released a plague," he told her.

"Good job, Xander."  She patted his back but he moved away.  "Okay, I won't touch.  How long can you hold it?"

He swallowed.  "Thirty maybe.  Jack's in there with two of your people.  I stopped him from taking Ianto."

"Jack will survive, he's like that," she reminded him quietly.

"I know.  Get the field generators set up now.  Please?"  He was starting to feel shaky so he handed off his bracelet.  "Hold that for me.  It's my version of his wristband."  She nodded, tucking it into a pocket.  He concentrated, pulling up his reserves and linking into the local power.  It wasn't much.  The soldiers were setting up the force field system around the building.  They were short two for the back side.  "Guys, hurry up please," he shouted.  "I can't keep this up forever."

He felt himself slip into the reserves only and concentrated, letting it all be pulled out if he had to.  He felt himself start to shake.  Then he felt the bright, sharp pain in his chest.  He closed his eyes.  Time to test the immortal theory.  He felt the bright flash of light and then he was back, still himself.  He pulled up that energy that had been released, forcing it into his shield.  Finally, fifty minutes after it had started, the last shield generator was in place.  It turned on and he turned his off, collapsing onto the street panting, sweaty, heaving in nausea.  Martha checked his wrist.  "I'm wiped," he whispered.

"You glowed like you were transforming," she said back. "Like the Doctor does when he regenerates."

He shook his head.   "No, I was more likely to go ascended and I'd hate it.  It might be the only good thing they did blocking me," he said weakly.  He let her help him stand up and walked him over to an ambulance.  They gave him some juice and checked his blood pressure.  "I'll be okay with some rest."  He looked at Martha.  "You'll need to get him out of there."

"Within two days," she agreed quietly.  She went to talk to the local commander.  "Captain Harkness of Torchwood is in there."

"It's a pity," he said with a sigh at the end.

"Jack has a gift for healing himself after being exposed to something," she said very quietly.  He looked at her.  She nodded.  "The Doctor himself found it."

"Oh, dear.  Who was that?"

"Harris.  He's SG personnel."

"That's fine.  We can get him back there."  Someone appeared.  "General O'Neill," he said, nodding at him.

"General Claphorn."  He shook his hand.  "Do you need Harris?  I'd rather have him away from the press."

"Take him.  Do you guys have a way to get someone who's still alive out of there?"

Jack considered it.  "Only if you guys have a containment bubble or something."  Martha got one set up.  "Daedalus, this is O'Neill.  Scan the building for life signs."

"There's one who reads like I do," Xander said as he came over sipping his juice.  "He's like Wolverine in a lot of ways."  The captain found him and beamed him into the containment bubble.  The rest of the bodies were gotten out the same way.  Xander was weak kneed but making himself stand up.  He nodded at Jack, who nodded back.  "They gone?" he mouthed.  Jack nodded.  He looked at O'Neill.  "General, can we help them?"

Claphorn nodded.  "UNIT supercedes US policy, O'Neill."

"I agree.  Daedalus, beam us to the mountain.  UNIT is taking control of the situation.  You're under General Claphorn's orders."

"As soon as they're safely away, engage," he ordered.  "I want those beings out of our atmosphere one way or another."  They got beamed off and the ships moved away to engage the enemy.  Martha was looking at Jack.  "You know him?"

"We traveled together a few times," she said with a small smile.  He mouthed something.  "He's going to be pissed at that."  He mouthed something else and she nodded.  "I agree, it's necessary.  He's good at figuring that out.  They'll yell at him later."  He nodded her closer and said something.  "Of course I'll take care of him.  You rest."  He passed out. "General, his second was taken by Harris before this happened to spare him and a future problem," she said very quietly.  "He's at the SG base."

"That's fine.  Get Harkness to our infirmary."

"Yes, sir."  She walked him to the transport and took them all back to the infirmary.  They had to make a vaccine for this plague just in case and Jack's blood might have the antibodies they'd need.

***

Xander reappeared in a flash of light and hit the floor, hugging his knees, breathing hard. "What the hell was that!" Landry shouted.

"They released a plague in the building," Xander said into his knees.  He caught his breath and his stomach, looking up at Ianto.  "If I hadn't, he would've lost you today, watched you die, and then in a few decades, he would've destroyed a full race using that rage."

"I understand," he said quietly.  "He's going to complain."

"He can bite me and the Doctor too."  He tried to get up but it wasn't working.  He tried again and made it this time.  "I'm okay," he said at the stares he got.  "Permission to rejoin my team while the most excellent archivist and coffee maker ever does a book inventory for me, sirs?"

"Not in the shape you're in," Landry ordered.

"Sir, my team's short handed with me here playing cowboy.  I'm recovering and being around nature will help more than being here under so much earth, surrounded by things that I can't pull energy from."

"Go," he ordered.  "Tell them to come back if possible.  If not, I want a full report the *second* you come back, Harris."

"Sir, they released a plague in the building," Xander said calmly.  "The shields were going to fail within minutes.  I was saving billions of lives and the kids that they wanted to steal and sacrifice for whatever reason.  If I had known this was going on, I wouldn't have went on that mission.  I would've positioned myself in London to be of more help."

O'Neill patted him gently on the back.  The kid tensed up.  "Go."  Xander nodded, heading out after a salute.  "Walter, let him go!" he called.

"Yes, General."

O'Neill looked at Ianto.  "Fill us in on what we missed.  I heard some of it and railed that they kept us from helping.  I was fighting the Pentagon for days over this."

Ianto cleared his throat and gave a concise report.  They both were glaring.  "I know why he had me spared," he said quietly.

"I know why too," Landry said bluntly.  "To spare that future massacre.  The kid knows probabilities."  He considered it.  "You're Torchwood?"  Ianto pulled out his ID.  "That's fine.  Go do a book inventory while you worry about your boss.  It'll help everyone.  If you wouldn't mind?"

"Not at all, sir.  Thank you for not arresting me."

"The kid usually has his reasons for such things," O'Neill told him simply.  He walked him down to the office in question, letting him see it.  "I thought he anchored that."  He found the ball and tossed it up the hallway, away from Daniel's, then he shot it.  It exploded.  The spell went back to normal.  "Good."  He smiled at the stunned man.  "This was actually a closet.  He did it.  There's also the library," he said with a point. "Notebooks are on the table.  Computer is crappy government issue."  Ianto smiled at that.  "Good job."  He left him alone.  Landry met him back in the gate control room.  "He's working on the office.  I blew up that little ball from Atlantis."

"Good.  It's a pain in the ass when he has to fix that spell," he said dryly.  "Anything yet?"

"Not from the ships."  He heard the phone ring in the office, looking back.  "It's the red phone."

"That's why I'm out here."

"Good idea."  He looked at Walter.  "Pull up the space screen.  I want to know how it's going."  Walter did that and they watched the battle.  Two of the enemy ships were down and in pieces.  "That  debris is going to be a problem."

"We can do some clean-up shots later on," Landry reminded him.  They watched.  Theirs had a shield failure but still hit the enemy ship.  The one helping them took it out.  They turned on the last ship and they saw the shield flickering back into life.  The other ship took off but they blew it out of the gravity well before they could leave it.

O'Neill turned on his comm.  "Good work, ships, now clean up the debris if possible."  They shot the debris to make it pieces that would hopefully burn up upon entry.  The red phone quit ringing and he sighed in relief.  Then it started again.  "Rock, paper, scissors?"

"You're higher in command," Landry said dryly.

O'Neill groaned but went in there.  He sighed as he picked it up.  "Yes, Mr. President, I'm here.  The battle is done, the aliens are destroyed, and UNIT ordered the attack."  He listened to him rant.  "Sir, that was not my call.  By our charter, we devolve to UNIT control for this sort of situation.  General Claphorn was in charge of the situation in London.  He ordered the attack when they released a biological contamination."  He listened.  "No, sir, that one was Civilian Specialist Harris, who was keeping that plague inside that building."

He listened.  "No, he knew that the shields on that building were going to fail.  He stepped in to hold it in there until UNIT could get a shield generator up.  No, sir, someone in Torchwood was in there.  He had some advance knowledge....yes, that same guy, Mr. President."  He rolled his eyes while his commander complained.  "Sir, not to be rude but Harris is wiped and had to go recharge himself while on a mission.  The ships are needing some support, and we have to figure out what to do with any survivors of the plague.  Yes, sir, I'm sure we'll be having a talk with all of us," he sighed.

"I can do that if he's not in a mission at that time, yes, sir.  No, sir, I can't.  What he's doing right now is very important.  Sir, to be blunt, I wouldn't want the aliens that wanted our children here anyway.  The only reason I didn't order an attack before was because you wanted to negotiate," he said bluntly.  "I would've blown them away at the first hint of aggression toward our species.  It's our job, sir.  That's what we were created for.  You can ask the IOA.  They would've agreed.  I'm sure they'll be at that same meeting, sir.  I'll see you there, sir."  He hung up and muttered at the phone.

"Am I being called?" Landry called.

"Nope.  Not yet."  He walked out there.  "Any word from the mini me?" he asked Walter.

"No, sir, not yet."

"Hopefully it'll be okay."  He stared at the specs for the teams that were out.  "When are SG-1, 25, 3, and 5 due back?"

"Tomorrow late, two or three days, later tonight, and next week," Walter responded, pulling those up.

"See if all but 25 can come back by tonight," Landry ordered.

"Yes, sir," he dialed out to each of them, contacting their comms.  "One and three can be back by tonight, sir.  Five has just made contact, they'll make it as fast as possible.  I told them about the alien problem, that it was possibly ended, they'll be on alert for recalls as a second wave to handle it."  He looked up.  "Do you want me to check on the status of 25, General?"

"Check on them through Kissen only.  Give me a status report."

Walter dialed them, asking for a report.  He told him about the alien menace, glancing at the generals, who shook their heads when he got to they might need backup as a second wave.  Kissen's report back apparently wasn't good.  Walter was scowling and asked if they needed backup.  He nodded.  "Let me ask, Major, hold on.  Generals, they need backup ASAP, CS Harris apparently spotted a prior and his troupe coming toward their location.  CS Harris apparently lost his temper and pulled a battle axe."  He swallowed, listening to the report.  "They've since gotten Harris out of his battle rage.  They hope.  He's fallen down and is basically not moving but is responsive enough to kick Major Tyler off him when he tried to check on him."

"Get SG-1 back here and send them to back them up in case Adria is coming too," Landry said.  "What's the chance they're there by accident?"

"None.  The Ori have put a price on CS Harris's head, SG-1, and Major Tyler for some reason, sir."  He looked at them.

"Tell them they have backup coming," Landry said.  "Who's here?"

"Six is on base waiting on a mission later, four just came in from a diplomatic mission, they're waiting on debriefing.  Eight and 11 are both on base as far as I know."

"Get six and eight there, now, with medical backup."  He took the comm, telling Kissen about earlier with Xander.  Kissen reported that he still looked wasted, sweaty, and about to fall asleep.  "We're sending you backup, wait for it," he ordered.  "Feel free to disarm him to protect yourself.  Need anything else?"  He nodded.  "Done."  He hung up and called the armory, getting them reinforcements.  The two teams geared up so he turned on the microphone.  "Boys, and lady, the prior that just attacked SG-25 apparently has a bounty on them.  Go back them up.  They're approximately 2 klicks from the gate to the east.  Harris is unable to help very much because of earlier."

"Saw that," one said, adjusting his vest.  "He safely napping?  He looked like he needed one by the time they put up that shield."

"No, they attacked and he lost his temper, pulled a battle axe, and destroyed that troupe.  He's presently down but not injured."  They nodded.  "Good hunting, expect trouble."  The armory personnel brought up two cases for them to take with them.  Someone waved a candy bar when his commander looked at him.  The teams trekked through the gate.

***

Kissen hung up, looking down at Xander.  "Xander, are you back out of your temper?" he called from a safe distance.  He heard a quiet moan.  "Okay, kid, sit up.  I know it hurts, do it anyway.  Don't kick Jon this time."  He nodded and they helped him sit up.  Xander leaned forward, proving he was flexible when his forehead touched the ground.  Tilla and Fischer looked at him.  "Apparently the day we traveled, aliens showed up who weren't friendly.  Earlier they were demanding a sacrifice of children."  Jon glared at him.  "Someone from Torchwood went to protest and block the sacrifice.  They released a plague in a building and when Xander left, he went to hold a shield on the building so it didn't get out."  Xander moaned and nodded, thumping his head on the ground a few times.  Jon squatted down to check his pulse but Xander shrugged him off.  "Xander?"

"Damn tired, boss," he moaned.  He blinked at him.  "I feel like shit."  He put his head back down.

"I've never been there, but I'm guessing he drained his powers fully," Tilla guessed.  Xander nodded, thumping his head again.  "I've never been that flexible.  I need to take yoga."

Kissen looked at her.  "There were people who heard I knew Xander and asked if I was just as fun.  They were sadly disappointed, especially Baxter."  Xander smiled a bit, he could tell.  "I can't believe you're that open minded."

"He was soft," he mumbled.  "I hear boots.  Lots of boots."

Jon tapped his comm.  "We're here, is that you guys?" he asked.  He got a response.  He then mugged Xander for his weapons, getting handed a dagger by him.  "Thanks, kid.  Stay there.  Backup just came through the gate."  They arranged themselves and fired on the prior and the battle troupe behind him.  "Oh, yeah, here we go again," he said when he heard the groan.  Xander dove in with his axe, getting the prior and a few of the others.  From behind them, finally, came fire from a P-90.  "Thank you!" Jon called.  "Harris, stand down!"  Xander growled and his eyes flashed.  He took another swing and got shot by one of the new guys.  "Guys!" Jon complained.

"He'll be fine, it was only a rubber one," one of the guys said, reloading with real bullets.

"What was with the glow?" one of the other team leaders said, letting the docs move Harris out of the way.

"Past possession by a hyena," Kissen told them, yelping as a bullet caught his leg.  The other teams pulled out the bigger guns and shot the troupe.   They went down but another one was coming.  "How many more are there?" he demanded.

"Apparently they sent out the whole crappile to get some of us," Tilla joked.  "Damn glad I'm not Jon or Xander."

"Me too," Fischer agreed.  He was holding a new wound on his arm.  He handed someone his guns.  "Take it."  They fired back.  He checked Xander, but he was back to growling.  "Xander, come on, come back to us.  We could use a bit of your mind instead of your hyena taint."  Xander sprung up, kicked his axe up to catch it, and went back at them.

"Damn it, it's the American Ninja," Jon said.  "Someone tie him down before he gets dead!"  Xander ducked his attempt to knock him out.  He had to duck a blow back at him.  He shot the guys Xander was going after.  Xander snarled but it sounded happy.  Then he heard the chattering.  "Yup, she's in control.  Oh, doc?" he called dryly.

The new teams shot the rest of them, letting Xander pant and stare around.  He spit on the prior.  He looked around.   He sniffed.  "Pack," he said, sniffing Kissen.  "Pack."  He looked at him.

"Of course we're your pack, Xander," he soothed, pulling him closer.  "Calm down.  We'll protect you.  I promise," he said, trying to calm him down.  Xander yawned under his petting.  The Doctor had told him how to do this when he had asked about Xander's temper.  He hadn't known he had a temper like this until the Doctor had told him.  He got him down, curling up around him and Jon.  The doctor sedated him.  Xander was snoring within minutes.

The leader of team 8 looked down at him.  "He's cute when he's sleeping."  He got snuffled.  "It's okay, Xander."  He looked at Kissen.  "Bounty?"  He pointed at the paper they had found on one of the bits and pieces Xander had created earlier.  He picked it up by a clean corner.  "How much is this in people money?"

"Probably a lot," Jon admitted.  "Let's go, guys."  He stroked over Xander's hair.  "Let's move back to the safe lands, Xander.  Back to pack lands."

"I sedated him pretty heavily," the doctor said.  She was not looking at the injured people, or the pieces Xander had created.  Xander was purring at Jon's petting.  "Okay, let's see if he can walk then."  They helped him up.  Jon was being cuddled most of the way back to the gate.  Xander was yawning by then.  His axe came back to him before too long and the guns all showed up within a few seconds.  They caught them and dialed home, sending through the gate code.  They walked through and down the ramp.  "Doctor Lam, he's partially sedated.  He's purring at Major Tyler."

"Hyena possession," Kissen told her.  "Xander, the doctor wants to look you over."  He growled.  "C'mon, you like her.  You tease her."  He sniffed and growled more, moving Jon behind him.  "Okay, how about we go see the generals?  You like General O'Neill, right?"  He waved off the doc and walked him up to the general's office.  Jon got used as a pillow after a few sniffs.  Jack got a greeting noise given to him.  Landry got a sniff but ignored.

"You okay?" Jack asked his clone.

"Small graze on my thigh."  Xander sniffed it and licked over the blood on his pants, chattering at it.  "No, we can bandage it.  You're not cleaning it that way."  Jack sat down and Xander sniffed him again, shifting over to sniff him better.  He petted him like Jon had been, and it worked.  The boy let himself pass back out.  The doctor came in and bandaged his thigh for him, then used one of the hand scanners from Atlantis on the boy.  "He good?"

"He's fine."  She looked at the general.  "Doctor Moira said he lost his mind?"

"He's got that battle rage step," Jon said quietly.  "He got pushed past his endurance and reached for a battle axe."  It got brought up by Kissen, and grabbed by Xander to hug.  "Where is the dragon?"

"Tilla has him on her back.  He got one of those sedative darts on the side."

"Good."  Jon looked at the ball of boy and axe.  "Thank you for the rescue."

"Not a problem," Landry said.  "This bounty?"  The other soldiers came up, one handing him the bounty sheet.  He read it.  "That's not good."  He heard the gate whoosh.  "Which team is that?" he called.

"SG-1, sir."

"I want Vala to translate some of this."  He reread it, handing it to her when she walked in.

"Is that blood on it?" she asked.  Xander purred.  She looked for the dragon but he wasn't there.  Jack pointed at Xander.  "Did they get their minds changed?"

"His possession came out.  He cleaned up a troupe and a half with his axe," Jon said, pointing at it.

She sighed.  "He told me something about that."  She read it.  "That's enough to buy a small city."  She kept going.  "They want him alive, but injured so he's easier to control.  They want Jon dead or alive.  SG-1 they want alive so they can kill them symbolically, all but apparently Daniel and Cam."  She handed it back with a grimace.  "That's good to know my daughter wants me dead symbolically."  She stared at Xander.  "Is he all right?"

"He'll be fine," Jon assured her.  "As long as it settles and we get the human boy back."

Kissen stared then squatted down, petting Xander's head.   "Xander, the doctor will be here soon," he murmured.  The boy hopped up and ran to his office, shutting himself in his library.  Kissen stared after him.  "That wasn't what I wanted."

Jon groaned, getting up and limping off.  He came back a minute later.  "He's locked himself in his library.  There's no way we can get in.  The plants are in there with him."  He flopped down with a moan.  "Ow."  The doctor hauled him up and off to the infirmary now that Xander wasn't protecting him.  Fischer got taken too.  So did everyone else with injuries.

General Landry looked at the remaining people.  "All right, what do we do about this?  Did we leave any warriors living?"

"No, sir," the leader of team 6 said, turning green.  "I never considered Harris scary until I saw him chopping six soldiers into bait chunks."  Landry shuddered.  He found a seat and sat.  "That was scary enough that I'll have nightmares, even with liquor."

Mitchell looked at him.  "He used his axe?"  Jack pointed at it.  "Damn."

"He growled, pounced, and made them damn sorry," Tilla agreed.  "I was about to puke."

Kissen nodded.  "After seeing that one sparring session where he knew to back down because he was reaching that battle rage step, I'm not surprised he can go there.  I'm a bit surprised he can do it with the hyena taint.  He called us pack and that's how we got him to stand down.  The doc tried to sedate him but we proved once again he doesn't react right to drugs."

"Did the first group surprise you?" Jack asked.

"They appeared, sir, like Adria does but without her."  He shrugged.  "I have no idea where the hell they came from.  What about earlier?"

"It didn't get out," Jack assured him.  "The only one still living is Jack Harkness from Torchwood 3.  The boy left to get his assistant out of the way because of some future massacre he knew about."

"The Doctor is definitely going to have words for him then," he said dryly.  "Is Harkness here?  I've wanted to meet him."

"He's being brought to our infirmary because we have more experience with strange alien diseases," Landry admitted.  "His assistant was doing a book inventory of Xander's collection."  He looked over them.  "No sign of Adria?"  They all shook their heads.  "Okay.  Go rest, get cleaned up, we'll try to get Harris back to normal and out of hyena mode."  Jack smiled.  "And then we'll have a meeting with the Pentagon and IOA."

"Sorry to hear that, sir," Kissen quipped.  "Why?"

"UNIT said to attack, finally, and we did," Jack said dryly.  "They're in chunks."  He stood up.  "Mitchell, we're sorry we cut yours short."

"We were done anyway, General.  They understood about the Ori threat and this one."  That got a nod.  "Are we sure it's gone?"

"Unless they can survive atmospheric reentry.  You guys may be on loan to UNIT for a few days to make sure things are going to be okay.  25 as well since so many of you are so open minded."  Kissen smiled.  "What?" he asked dryly.

"I got to meet some of Xander's ex's that we haven't.  Including one that was a bit hairier than I'd expect."

"I saw his picture.  Someone warn Atlantis.  Just in case they show up there."  He went to check on the kid.  He found a blue police box in the blank corner and left it with him.  He did not want to know.

***

Xander blinked at the door rattling.  He growled.  He heard someone note that the sonic screwdriver couldn't get it open and someone fainter, from the door, note that he had a few in his desk drawer.  He groaned, putting his head back down.  The door was opened by his one that he had rigged for magical matters.  He growled when a hand touched his head.

"You reverted to the possession?" the Doctor said dryly.

Xander blinked up at him.  "Nine?"

"Yes.  Ten sent me a nice note saying I should intervene about now.  I saw it on the telly from Jackie's flat."  He closed the door and sat down across from him.  "You have some explaining to do, young man.  You changed the time stream."

"Only one thing."  He got up with a moan, grabbing a book to hand him.  "The original one."  He laid down again.  "I feel like shit."

"Why?"

"I burned my reserves holding that shield."  He went limp.  It hurt too much to try to sit up.

The doctor looked up the event, seeing what had happened.  From his own future hand.  "Which incarnation of me?"

"Twelve."

He looked over, running his screwdriver over him.  "You really did screw the pooch."

"Had to.  Saved most everyone," he said quietly.

"I don't disagree with that.  The stealing of a certain archivist and Torchwood member...."  He stared at him.  "What else happened?"

"Attack," he groaned, looking at him.  "I went primal."

"Ah.  I remember the last time you did that on Dresdra."  Xander shook his head.  "Worse?"  Xander nodded limply.  "Hell, boy."

"They wanted to capture me for a bounty anyway," he said dryly.  "Ori."

"Ah!"  He nodded.  "Those plonkers."  He reread it then put it down, going out to get a book that wouldn't have been shielded from the future changes.  "Ianto, nice suit."

"Thank you," he said, staring at him.  "Aren't you...."

"Nine," he said smugly.  "Ten's a bit busy with some blonde companion on the other side of the Vega galaxy."  He shrugged and went back in there, shutting the door again.  He sat down to read that section.  "It did help more."

"I couldn't let anyone go through that," he said quietly.  The Doctor stared at him.  "I've been there   I know how it destroys you."

"Been there myself," he admitted.  "You're right.  You were right to do this."  Xander gave him a shocked look.  "Did you think it out first?"  Xander nodded weakly.  "Good.  Now, why are you so sick?"

"Burned my reserves?"

"Beyond that?"

"Attempt at sedating me?"

"That could help the problem, but there's another one."  Xander took the sonic screwdriver to run over himself.  "I can't believe you had your own made."

"I know very well sometime I'll need to sneak you one."  He groaned at the end.  "Fuck."  He tossed it back and pulled a pillow up more comfortably.  "My dragon's around here somewhere."

"It hatched?" he asked, smiling at him.  "That's wonderful.  What is he?"

"Armand is a baby green and black dragon.  He's somewhere."  He looked at the door then at him.  "Did you leave Rose at home?"

"I remember you two didn't get along too well," he said dryly.

"She reminds me of Buffy."

"In some ways," he agreed.  "In others she's sweeter."  He stared at him.  He crossed his feet.  "You've been carrying around more pain than I have."

"Yeah, well, kinda been there and done that syndrome," he admitted.

The Doctor snickered.  "I've had that."

"Did you have my ex's that only wanted my ass?"

"No, I had companions that were nicer."

"And wars?"

"Not as many," he admitted, seeing where this was going.  "How long have you been around?"  Xander grimaced.  He checked.  "Oh, dear Lord," he muttered.  "I'm starting to sound like her."  He sighed.  "The human mind isn't meant to...."

Xander held up a hand to stop him.  "Not human, Doc."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not.  The hellmouth changed me, the mermaid taint changed me, the possessions changed me, and then traveling changed me, including making me immortal."

He scowled, pulling out something else to run over him.  "Well, damn."

Xander smiled.  "That seems to be my unofficial title," he said dryly.  He yawned.  "Are you staying?"

"For a bit."  He watched the boy sleep, smiling sadly at him.  The boy was older than he was.  He was so tired.  If he got to that point, maybe he'd park the tardis somewhere with a nice companion or Jack.  He put his feet up, considering the boy.  He knew Ten would get the memories so when he showed up to chew him a new one he knew about this talk.  He decided the kid had done the right thing, and had helped save the world.  Jack might not be totally appreciative, but with Ianto still living, he might be.  It was good to see him happier.  He decided to go talk to Ianto.  Sometime they'd be talking to Jack about his memories of him.  He locked the door behind himself, smiling at the loud snore that came out.  "He's the most compassionate, screwed up person I've ever seen," he said quietly.  "Totally burned out, willing to die for the protection of everyone, and yet wanting to live in a way that means he's not just watching."

"He's nagged Jack about that a few times.  So, you're the Doctor?"

"The ninth one," he said with a smile.  "Ten will be in to nag later I'm sure.  Xander interacted with him more often.  Of course, the last time I saw him like this, he had just wiped out a battle field with a sword.  It was necessary, but he spent the next two months hiding from everyone."  Ianto smiled and nodded.  "He's very compassionate."

"I figured he was when the first note to Jack said to treat me better."

"That figures.  Sometimes Jack needed to be reminded of why we're still alive.  He's done it to me too."  He clapped him on the back, looking at the person staring at them.  "Yes?" he asked patiently.

Kissen walked in.  "I saw your picture when I was traveling with Ten.  Xander introduced us."

"Wonderful."  He shook his hand.  "Is his boy here?"

"Just got brought in with Martha."

"Brilliant!" he said, walking him that way.  "Lead the way, Kissen."

"You know about me?"

"Ten sent a note."  He smirked.  "I ran into Xander the last time he went primal with a sword."

Kissen shuddered.  "I hope I never see it again."

"You probably won't.  He has to be down to a last resort sort of situation."  They got onto the elevator and went up to the infirmary.   He walked in, seeing Jack in an isolation bubble.  Ianto walked closer, staring at him.  "Well, this is a happy ending."

"Why?" Jack asked him, staring him down but he kept looking back at Ianto.

"Xander believes in some happy endings."  He smiled.  "I think you deserve it, even if you are an asshole."  He scanned the wristband.  "I let you keep that open this time?"

"Xander jammed it."

"Ah.  No wonder.  That doesn't really surprise me."  Someone popped in and he took his bracelet to disable.  "I doubt you're trained in the use of that.  Thank you."

"Who're you?" Rodney demanded.

"The Doctor."  He smirked.  "Naughty you, but there's a handbook you have to read first."

"Does Xander have it?"

"Yes, three copies in various languages.  We had to make him read it a few times.  Jack as well."  He looked at the pair.  "Good, that's going along well."  He clapped his hands.  "I'll leave you two to stare at each other.  Rose is going to be getting impatient."

Jack looked at him.  "So when will Ten be here?"

"Probably within a few hours.  He's in Vega."

"The sand place?"

"No.  Probably not.  Though I have wanted to go to that beach planet Xander found by accident.  It sounds pretty."

"It is.  He took Owen there a few times."

"Wonderful."  He smirked.  "Take better care of each other.  Ianto, if you didn't know, Jack has a temper and he's also got a burr up the bum.  Often."

"I've seen both of those states," he admitted dryly.  He looked at Jack.  "Thank you."

"I..."

"I know.  I know why too."  He smiled.  "We'll deal with this after we get out."

"We're closing the hub, taking everything we can out, and moving it.  It's too well known."

Ianto nodded.  "We can do that."  He looked but the Doctor was gone.  "He's a bit creepy."

"Ten's better."  He smiled.  Then at the doctor coming over.  "This is Ianto."

"I met him earlier to scan him for problems.  He seems nice and didn't give me any problems.  If you do, I'll treat you like I would Xander."  Jack snickered.  "I'm not joking," she assured him.  "Time for more blood to be drawn."

"How long will he be in there?" Ianto asked.

"Until I can be sure he's not infected, won't spread it, and won't die from it."  She looked at him.  "Since we were told he was like Wolverine....  Probably a few days."  She drew another few vials of blood and walked off.  "No touching the bubble outside of those glove holes."

"Yes, Doctor."  He looked at Jack, who pointed.  Ianto smiled and stuck his hands into it so he could check that Jack was real.  "You're okay," he sighed.

"I'm fine.  I'll be okay.  Have you checked in with anyone?"  He touched the gloves and Ianto gave him a subtle smile.  "I'll be okay."

"I'll call Gwen to have her start emptying leftover things.  Before we get into another contact situation."

"Go use Xander's desk phone or his cellphone."  Doctor Lam looked over.  "His cellphone is enhanced and can get a signal down here."

He nodded, staring at Jack, who smiled and nodded.  He went back to his office to do that.  Kissen followed.  Xander was still locked in his library.  The police box was gone.  He called.  "Gwen, Ianto.  We're good.  Jack will heal, like usual.  No, we're where UNIT stuck him to make sure he's not contagious and to see if we can make an antidote from him.  I can't, but we're in the US.  We'll be back soon.  Jack's worried about a possible attack on the hub.  He wants us to clean it so we can move it."

He listened.  "That was Xander, Gwen.  He's here as well.  He's resting and recovering from that.  That's fine.  We should be back within a week, possibly a week and a half."  He saw the notes on the desk and the fact that the gray screwdriver was back in the drawer.  He looked over when a whirring started and a box faded into view.  A man in a pinstripe suit walked out and he tossed it at him.  "He has history books in there and he's resting.  Jack's in the infirmary but they say he'll be fine, Doctor."

"Of course they will but someone has some explaining to do."  He looked at the screwdriver.  "What sort is this one?"

"The sort that can open that very odd door.  The last one needed it."

"Ah."  He used it and walked in, slamming the door.  The boy snored in a different key.  He saw the two open books, glancing at them.  Then he read deeper on the new version.  "Well," he sighed.  "I suppose that was a good idea, but it's still wrong to mess with the time stream."  Xander moaned and flipped over, but moaned in pain.  He stared at him.  "Didn't I say not to make that noise at me?"

"Sore," Xander moaned.

He ran the screwdriver over him, sighing at the end.  "I can see that.  No wonder you're sore."  He walked out, getting the oil from his desk.  "Anyone else who comes looking, I'm beating him severely for this."

"Doctor, he really was trying to prevent a future pain.  He said he knew how much it would hurt him."

The Doctor nodded.  "I fully agree with that statement and why he did it, but he still should not warp the time stream.  It's dangerous."

"I think he figured out how far that one would spread."

"Quite possibly," he sighed.  "I love the boy like a son sometimes but I want to beat him others."  Xander slammed the door.  "That won't help you."  He undid it again and walked in, kicking it shut.  "Shirt off."

"You're not Donna," he complained quietly.

"No, but I can use this and heat it to help the soreness.  It's this or a heated mud bath."

"Eww.  I'd be washing mud out for months," he complained.  He sat up slowly, with help at the end, and got his t-shirt off.  The doctor looked him over.  "What?" he asked, sounding a bit defensive.  "I've been working on things."

"I can tell that."  He sat behind him, working the oil into his muscles.  The boy groaned and went limp under his fingers.  "I'm not doing this for that reason."

"I know.  Still feels nice."

The Doctor sighed.  "We really do have to find you someone who likes you for you, not as a commodity but as a human being."

"Not exactly human anymore, Doc."

"I noticed that.  That was Ianto, wasn't it?"  Xander nodded.  "It was a good thing, a kind thing, but you know better."  He slapped him on the back of the head, getting a whine of noise.  "Did you go primal?"

"Yes," he whined.  He laid down, head on the Doctor's thigh.  "I'm sorry.  If you're going to kill me, do it quickly?"

The Doctor stared down at him.  "I should punish you but you're in horrible shape."  Xander almost managed to shrug.  "How soon after the shield did you go primal?"

"Within minutes.  Maybe twenty," he mumbled, yawning.

The Doctor watched him fall asleep again.  He considered it.  He really had to kick his butt over this.  Or else he might do it again and warp something else.  Though he couldn't fault this one.  It was too important.  If he had been able to save Jack that sort of torment, and the massacre later on, he might have.  He considered it deeper, then nodded.  The boy was already suffering.  That depletion of his personal energy was going to haunt him for a few months probably.  The pain would be with him for days if not weeks.  The worry about things would haunt him but they both carried too many of those.  He got a sudden thought from his last incarnation and ran a screwdriver over the boy, scowling.  "How on earth!" he demanded.  He nudged the boy until he woke up.  "You're older than I am?"

Xander nodded.  "It sucks so I ignore that last zero."  He yawned.  "Sorry."

"You shouldn't be able to handle that."

Xander nodded.  "Yay.  I am.  Just a bit burnt out."

"I can tell."

"Battle burnt out."

"Oh, that."

"I even tried celibacy."  The Doctor whimpered, shaking his head.  "I messed up a silencing spell.  So I spent a week and a half teaching at a brothel."

"Wonderful for you.  Did it help?"

"They knew and treated me like the customer I was.  It was what I expected."  He almost shrugged again.  "It's not like I can find someone who appreciates me for who I am."

"I think you could if you looked."

"Half the people I work with don't respect me for my language skills or my weapons skills," he said quietly.

"Has it gotten better since the last time we talked?"  Xander grimaced.  "I agree that you had to come in that way to keep yourself out of problems, but I don't want to hear about you pulling an ex into this time zone."

"I haven't yet.  I saw Asha when he was trying to kill a person I work with on the other project.  Then I locked him out of there because he was pretending to be me."

"Hmm."  He stroked over his head.  "You're going to be in pain for months, young one."

"I know, Obi Wan, but damn it was necessary."

"I know.  I saw."  He stroked over his hair again.  "You still cannot do this again.  I should punish you most harshly."

Xander snorted  "I'm not punished enough by burning my reserves and then going primal in front of people who aren't on my team?"

"Yes that is a punishment," he said quietly.  "I should still beat you for doing that.  Even if it was the right thing.  You cannot change the time stream.  You know that."

"I do.  I don't usually."

"I know, that and the fact it was compassionate to Jack is keeping me from paddling you like a child."

"I know."  He shifted.  "If you want to, go ahead.  Not like I won't feel it for weeks."

He hugged him.  "I worry that you'll do something stupid and then I'll have to take you out."

"Doc, if I'm doing something that stupid, tell me and I'll take myself out."

"I know."  He gave him a squeeze, hearing the whimper.  "Still?"

"Yeah."  He heard the screwdriver come on again and moaned.  "Must you?  I can feel it vibrating."

"Yes I must."  He scowled.  "That's not good.  I need to get you into some water."

"It'd be unethical and indulgent of me to make myself a pool."

"Not like you have the power to do that presently.  Shower?"

"In my rooms.  Nicely filtered."

"No, I need you in a real pool."  He got up and helped the boy up, walking him out of the library.  "I'm glad you're all right, Ianto.  Jack was miserable with the way you died before."  He got Xander into the tardis.   She reacted.  "I know, but he won't get frustrated and kick your door again, dear.  We're taking him to heal him."  He set the engine and took him to that beach world.  It was nice.  It helped some.  But it wasn't enough.  The boy was healthier but not fully healthy.  He considered it.  "Let's go meet your friends.  I like the sound of that scientist.  He sounds like he's annoyingly nice."  He got him into the tardis, naked and wet, slightly sandy from the walk up from the water.  He set it for the city of Atlantis, landing on a pier.

***

"SIR!" Chuck shouted.  John came out of his office.  "We just had something appear on a pier.  I have no idea what it is.  It's square, but about three meters high."

"Let me go look.  McKay!  Get Ronon and meet me at the west pier."  He jogged that way, taking his gun out of his holster as he came out of the transporter.  He stared as he walked out onto the pier.  "Tell me that's not a police box," he said quietly to the Marine next to him.

"I can't do that, sir.  I'm hallucinating so apparently you got exposed too."  He walked inside.  McKay and Ronon ran past him.  "I hope they don't get exposed too."  He went to the infirmary to lay down.

Rodney paused then walked out there.  "Does this mean I can have my bracelet back?" he demanded dryly.

"I'll think about it if you can prove you read the handbook," he said dryly.  "Help me get him into the water."  Ronon came forward to help him.  "It's refreshing to meet people who never heard what Jack spread around in a fit of pique."

John walked over carefully.  "Sir, Doctor, what are you doing *here*?"

"Xander needed better, more similar water, to heal the burned out reserves he has.  He's still bruising from it."

"Okay.  He did...what?"

"Saved the earth by keeping a plague from spreading."

"I heard about that," Rodney said, being stunned.  "He needs a tether."  He let John jump down to tie it around him.  Rodney shook himself out of his shock.  "So you brought him here?"

"Yes, he's showing a lot of energy that's similar to here."

"We like him too," John said dryly.  The Doctor smiled at him.  "He's our second favorite  geek.  McKay keeps us from sinking so he's first."

"I can fully understand that.  I think he left something of yours in the tardis the last time we traveled."  He went inside and came out with two books.  "Yours?"

Rodney moaned, taking them.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He held up the bracelet.  "We have read the book?"

"I have, twice.  I was going back to try to help him."

"That's noble but do not unless it is an emergency.  Am I clear?" he asked, staring him down.  "I will make him take you out, and if he can't, Jack or I can."

"I understand."  He got his bracelet back.  "I need a better power source."

"Well, yes, but you'll figure that out, the same as that one did."  He walked over to look down at Xander.  He was glowing slightly.

"In the teleplay, he glowed for a second," John said.  "Was he regenerating?"

"No, that wasn't the right sort of glow.  I think he was almost ascended and it got blocked.  Which is supported by his scans.  That's why he needs things to ground him again.  The fact that he went to sit in the woods helped him tremendously.  Even if he did end up in a battle almost immediately."  He checked his watch.  "I do need to pick up Donna in a bit," he muttered.

"Anything we need to be aware of in his medical treatment?" Rodney asked.  "Anything in particular beyond letting him soak up sun, water, and energy?"

"Not at the moment.  As he rebuilds the things he burned, he might go primal again.  He did that right after that incident.  I'm told his axe was nearly as bad as that time with a sword." Rodney shuddered.  He stared at him.  "You saw?"

"We did a memory review to see what we could trust him to handle in a military way and what had happened to him.  I saw all of it.  John saw about a quarter."

"That's not a bad idea.   Though probably a bit smutty."

"I skipped most of those because I wanted to beat them severely," he said firmly.

"So do I," he admitted with a smile.  "Good man."  He clapped him on the arm.  "Let me pick up Donna and we'll be back soon.  For now, let him soak.  His cabin on the beach was good but this place's energy resonates better."  He walked into the tardis and then leaned out.  "Oh, his dragon is probably still on the base."

"He's been gone for two weeks and Daniel has him right now," John assured him. "We can have him sent up."

The Doctor smiled.  "Donna would love to meet him."  He closed the door then stuck his head out again.  "You know about his sensitivity to sugar and his caffeine needs?"  They all nodded with a smile.  "Excellent."  He left that time.

John called their doctors.  "Doctor Keller to the west pier.  Bring a scanner that can do long distances."  He hung up and looked at Ronon.  "Get me a wet suit.  You can take a later shift."  He nodded, going to find one in the stock rooms.  He gave it to John about the same time Keller got there.  "Running late, Doc?"

"Woolsey wanted to know what's going on."

"Apparently when Xander was having that issue putting up a shield he damaged his reserves.  It's making him bruise a lot."  She nodded once at that.  "He's floating but asleep."  He slipped into the wet suit and headed down to check on him.  Ronon tied off his own tether and tossed it down.  "Thanks."  He tied himself to it and accepted the scanner, then handed it back up.  The pier had lowered slightly for them.  Rodney was looking nervous but it would be fine.

She grimaced.  "He's basically in shock but not.  It looks like he's soaking up nutrients, possibly energy."

"The Doctor said he was," Rodney agreed.  His bracelet got put into his pocket.

"Which doctor?" she asked.

"*THE* Doctor," he said bluntly.  She went pale.  "Xander traveled with him now and then.  He brought him here to heal, said his usual cabin on the beach wasn't working very well this time.  That his energy was more aligned to here's."

"Okay," she said slowly.  "I'll... accept that for now."  She sighed, looking down at him.  "He is bruised."

"Yes he is," John agreed.  "His back was just as bruised.  Get me a sponge?  He's got some sort of coating on him."

"Probably that oil he likes," Ronon said.  He got him a sponge and a soft brush from Teyla's room.  He tossed them down.  They floated.  John got the boy cleaned off and he sighed in pleasure but started to sink.  John got some floaters for supplies and put them under his back, chest, butt, and head.  Xander moaned and shifted.  "Shh, lay still, you're in water," he said quietly.  Xander sniffled.  "No, no hyena.  It's John.  You know me."  Xander mumbled something and he smiled.

"Yeah, pack.  You're safe.  The Doctor brought you to us, Xander.  Just relax.  You're floating."  He smoothed a hand over his head.  Xander mumbled something else.  "Armand is fine.  Daniel's watching him and your plants."  He mumbled something else.  "No, he's not mad at you.  I promise he's not."  Xander went limp again.  "Good boy, Xander.  You're safe and it's all right.  You're on Atlantis again."  Xander mumbled.  "No, the merpeople won't come talk this time.  We need you to rest here and I'll protect you.  When I can't, Ronon will."  Xander nodded, shifting onto his side.  The floaters held.  He held his head so he wouldn't drown.  Keller took another scan and nodded.  "Better?"

"Much.  He said to leave him in the water?"

"He's always calmed down in water."  He looked up at her.  "If we had a way to lower a lounge chair or something that might be easier and safer."

"I'll see what we can rig up," she promised.  "Think I should get him some tylenol?  His body is reading like it's in pain."

"Xander, want Doctor Keller to get you a painkiller?"  Xander mumbled and shifted.  "He said no, it won't help.  It's his reserves being burnt out."

"Okay.  I don't understand but okay."  She left with her nurse.  She ran into Woolsey.  "Someone delivered Harris to us.  He's in the water and it's helping.  He's already stronger."  She jogged back to the infirmary to look up something.  There had to be something they could do.  Making him soak made no sense.

***

Landry's incoming email beeped and he sighed, smiling at it.  "That's good news."  He paged the infirmary.  "Can your patient be released?"  He smiled.  "Please."  He hung up and paged the others.  Daniel and Armand was the last one to join him.  "He finally brought Xander back to Atlantis.  Apparently he's still mostly out of it.  He had him sank into the water and Doctor Keller said it's helping immensely."  Daniel smiled and petted the dragon, which crawled over to cuddle Ianto.  "I think he likes you."

"He has since we met," he admitted, smiling at the creature.  "So Xander's fine?"

"He's going to be fine but it might be weeks."  Everyone nodded.  "Mr. Harkness, I know of your plans.  I can't say as I blame you.  Do you have a plan in place?"

"I'm picking an area."

"There may be some help for that."  He tossed over something.  "Xander left that for you should you outlast him or in case of him disappearing."  He stared at him.  "I think it may have something to help you."

He looked and nodded.  "It does.  He has us a new setup."  He smiled.  "I'll thank him when he gets back."

"Do you know if we will need any precautions later on?"

"I'm fairly sure that his reserves will be gone for about a year," Jack said.  He tucked that letter into his inner coat pocket.  "It'll have to rebuild slowly.  He'll be able to do some, but at first it may hurt to do anything and later on it may wear him out.  As it rebuilds, like any energy supply, he'll have it to call upon."

"I can understand that," Landry agreed.  "How long do you think he'll be out of it?"

"Probably another few weeks, General.  If he's that bad right now, after three weeks of the Doctor fussing over him, then he's got a few weeks at the very least to go.  Is he responsive?"

"Mumbling to comments."

"Then he might be a third of the way there."

"That's fine.  I can understand that.  Jon, do you want to move your team to Atlantis or stay here?  There is that death threat from Adria on you."

He shrugged.  "Either one's fine with me, sir.  Kissen?"

"It's good with me," he admitted.  He smirked at him. "You make a good team leader."

"Thanks, but you still have the team when you're here."

He smiled.  "Someday it'll be yours again."  He looked at the general, who looked a bit sheepish.  "I don't care either way, sir.  We can function as a team for them or for here."

"There may be safer," Landry offered.

"Sir, with the wraith, it's just as dangerous."

"He had some book that mentioned the wraith," Ianto offered.  "I thought it strange it was talking about spirits in open space."

"I think I've been over that one but just in case can you get it for us?" Daniel asked.

"Of course.  Any of the others?"

"No, not right now," Landry said with a smile.  "I wish I could keep you.  The linguistics department could use you, Mr. Jones."

He smiled back.  "Jack would be lost if I didn't make him coffee."  He left to get that book, the dragon clinging to him.  He brought it back and one that had appeared.  "I have no idea what that one is."

Daniel looked at it.  "Probably meant for McKay or Carter."  He handed it to her.

"I'm not sure," she admitted.  "But I'll look it over."  She smiled at him.  "Are you sure you want to go back to Cardiff?  We could really use you.  You've made Daniel's coffee habit bearable to steal."

He smiled.  "I'm afraid I can't.  They need me.  We're already down two team members."

"Then I wish you all the luck in the world, Torchwood 4," Landry said, shaking their hands.  They smiled.  "Let me get you escorted back."

"Can you beam us there?"

"Probably but Miss Jones wanted a word."

"Ah, the lovely Martha Jones," Jack sighed.  "What a temper she can have sometimes."  Ianto gave him a look.  He smiled.  "She can."  He shook the others' hands.  "Tell Xander I hope he gets better soon."  He left with Ianto.  UNIT met them topside and took them to a meeting.

***

In DC, Jack O'Neill was being shouted at.  He finally had enough.  He stood up.  "Listen," he said bluntly.  "In our charter, it states that UNIT has control if something like an invasion of earth starts.  They're Homeworld Security.  Or else we would've acted sooner!"  He stared around at the horrified bureaucrats.  "There is no way our program, which has fought other invasions, would have sat by and let you people sacrifice *children* for god's sake!" he shouted.  "I don't care if you don't like it!"

The head of UNIT cleared his throat.  "I agree."  They all stared at him.  "General Claphorn had the right and the responsibility to call up support at that time.  We were hoping for a more peaceful settlement than blowing them out of the sky or we would have called sooner."  He looked at Jack.  "I agree, in hindsight, we needed to call your teams in days sooner."  Jack nodded at that.  "The battle that happened was appropriate to us and it's our decision.  We are the ones who call that matter into order."

Richard Woolsey coughed.  "The IOA brought me in because I know more about what certain individuals can do than they do.  Or they ever will.  I understand now why we're protecting that one.  The IOA has no fault with what happened.  We wish that we had been given permission to attack sooner but UNIT fussed and then the President fussed.  Thankfully, the smaller units were able to handle things while we were being diplomats."  He tapped his papers into order and looked at General O'Neill.  "I am to tell you that he is doing better.  The Doctor has shown back up and approved of how he was healing, said he'd check on him in a few weeks.  Donna cooed over him.  We were all mostly amused.  Ronon got a cheek pinch and he almost thought it was a threat but Doctor McKay got him calmed down before he swung on them.  The Doctor suggested anger management for him," he finished dryly.

"I'd possibly interpret that as a threat.  I do from my aunts," Jack agreed.

"He was very amused.  The other woke up enough to almost laugh.  We're looking toward him waking up in about a week."  Jack nodded at that.  He looked at the others.  "The only people who can complain about the attack have already agreed we should've called sooner.  The only thing the IOA wants is a report on how he held that shield that long."

"That's why he's unconscious."

"Who are we speaking of?" the head of UNIT asked.

"Civilian Specialist Harris," Jack told him.

"Ah, the one who held the shield until Doctor Jones could get ours into place."  He nodded.  "Is he going to be all right?"

"I'm told a year until he's fully healed probably.  Until then he'll be a bit tired and rebuilding that skill."

"That's reasonable by what we understand of those skills," he agreed.  "All right, anything else?"

"I won't fund projects that don't answer to me," the president said firmly.

"Sir, they were asking for children.  Were you going to give yours up?" Jack asked bluntly.  "Because if mine was still alive I sure as hell wouldn't and no one I know would."  He flinched back at that.  "In this case, an invasion, UNIT supercedes everyone, even you.  Even us.  We wanted to go when they first showed up.  We've never had an invasion that was peaceful."

"Or any other alien action on earth," Woolsey agreed dryly.  "Mr. President, we were formed so you didn't have to worry about it."

"That is not why the IOA was formed," he said firmly.

"We were formed as oversight," Woolsey reminded him.  "Because situations had necessitated them doing outrageous things to save us all.  The IOA asked them to wait until their intentions were clear but the higher ups on the IOA board were taken out by a contract from someone who wasn't protesting.  The same people also tried to take out Torchwood 3.  Thankfully, Harkness is stronger than most people give him credit for since he lived through the plague they released."  He stared him down.  "I don't like that we had to do it, but I'll be damned if any of my nieces or nephews were going to be handed over.  It would have went something like that old miniseries _V_."  The president shuddered.  "Exactly, Mr. President.  The IOA is the oversight committee over the Stargate program.  We see no fault in this case.  We fully expected them to jump the gun anyway and most of the higher ups were surprised when they didn't."

"We thought UNIT had it," Jack said.  "They said they did.  By the time we realized they were trying to negotiate, things had gone too far, we had a small attack on the base.  Harris was off world and made it back to put up that shield.  We were damn lucky, Mr. President.  We managed to break up the pieces so they wouldn't create too much damage down here.  When one ship's shield went down they managed to get it back up.  We managed to win before they released that plague over a wider area.  We would've been screwed if any of those happened."  The other higher ups complaining shuddered.

"Fine," the president said.  "It will not happen again."

"No, sir, it won't," Jack agreed.  "We'll be blowing them out of the sky if they show the least little bit of a threat next time, UNIT complaining or not."

"If they show a threat, you can't get us, and you feel there's a necessity, you warn us, then fire," the head of UNIT ordered.  Jack smiled and nodded.  "IOA have a problem?"

"Not unless they're really peaceful and we mistook something cultural," he admitted.

"In that case, we'd apologize and we do have anthropologists on staff too," Jack reminded him.  "More than you do on your project, Woolsey."

"True.   Harris was complaining to our linguists that he wanted some of them back because they worked?"

"Harris said he was feeling like a sled dog," he said dryly.  "He and Jackson keep getting pawned work.  Jackson took them on a delightful five mile run the last time they tried that.  We fired six over their slacking habits.  I'm sure Harris does want yours back since they actually *work* instead of play online."

Woolsey smiled.  "We'll gladly keep Harris and his whole team.  We need a tertiary team for the worst situations."

"We're considering it."

"Good.  Though I have no idea how he'd move his books."

"The same way he did to the base.  Though he won't have the energy to put them up."

"Good point.  We'll see.  Someone is taking care of his plants?  He mumbled about Gomez and his nursery the other day."

"Yes.  Fischer is being his plant's stepparent."

"Wonderful."  He smiled.  "Let us know within a month about their placement."  He stood up.  "I suppose we're dismissed unless we're talking about future planning options in case the next one isn't peaceful?"

"No, go," the president said.  Everyone but his guards left.  He looked at them.  "Who the hell is Harris?"

"The Initiative project ran into him, they stated their profile was incorrect.  Apparently he is a linguist, natural born since he did horribly in school.  He backed up the problems in Sunnydale by backing up the Watchers Council's girl out there.  We have anecdotal evidence that he planned and led a battle during their graduation when that filthy Mayor Wilkins decided to show his true demonic self."  The president moaned.  "Then somehow he got hold of a temporal device which allowed him to learn more languages.  He was handed to the SG program instead of being sent to UNIT by his own choice.  He has a pet on base that is well liked and is used often on diplomatic missions.  It's said he has some medic training, he has some weapons training, and some he handed over, and he has a book collection the size of Jackson's."

"That shield?"

"Clearly magical in nature but we have nothing on him being able to do magic."

"Find that out."

"Sir, his whole personnel file is beyond classified now and there's nothing in it either.  I bribed someone at SG Command to look.  There's nothing on any skill sets in his files.  Perhaps in the General's personal files but nothing stated in his official one.  He does not live off base at this time.  His pet is said to be a baby dragon.   It's said somehow he took a closet and turned it football field sized then added a separate library somehow.  He does have a bent towards offensive botany."

"What's that mean?  They swear?" he asked dryly.

"No, sir, the one they were talking about, Gomez, is a human eating plant."

"Oh."

"It's also said he found a very offensive plant that tends to suck all the life out of a space ship.  They said that Atlantis has most of those samples and the one they tested was extremely effective."

"Interesting.  Anything we can use or lure him with?"

"No, sir.  He's a do what's necessary sort from way back.  The rumors from Sunnydale call him a white knight.  It did mention that he was put into the program even though he is very openly bi and they have run into a few of his ex's who were pouting to get him back."

"Interesting.  Can we use any of them to get him on our side?"

"No, sir, and he's presently at odds with certain members of the IOA and the Watchers Council.  Apparently they hate him enough to have put out a contract on his life."

"Oh, wonderful!" he said dryly.

"He said if they didn't leave him alone, he was going to the press.  Apparently that stopped it fairly quickly."

"Even better.  Anything else of note?"

"There is a second slayer but she is presently in jail for killing someone during a melee."

"That's interesting."

"Harris may or may not be in touch with her.  We do think he's sent her physical mail a few times.  I think he might try to get her recruited when she does get out if she's not needed down here."

"I can agree with that.  What would their Council want?"

"To kill her.  They've had a few attempts at the jail."

"Those morons."

"Quite, but they're like that, sir.  Secret society sorts."

"The Masons aren't that blunt," he said impatiently, standing up.  "Can she be gotten out?  If so, see if they'd like her.  Or UNIT.  It might win us points with them.  Plus she'd be safer."

"I can do so."  He stayed behind to make those calls then go to see General O'Neill in person.  He wanted her in SG, protecting them, not in UNIT doing research that would probably bore her and lead back to another combat accident.  "General."

"What now?" he asked, looking up at him.  He got handed a file and read it over, then looked up at him.  "Why tell me this?"

"There have been attempts on her life in jail and before."

O'Neill considered it.  "I want to talk to them first."

"Granted, let us know.  It was left up to me who I offered her up to because they've been pushy.  I figured she'd get more use out of the SG program than UNIT."

"Probably, yes," he agreed.  "Thank you."

"Welcome, sir."  He left, going back to his post.

Jack booked a flight to LA.  This was going to be an interesting talk.

9: Hosting

Jack walked up to Buffy later one night, shooting one of the things trying to eat her.  "Are the boys falling down on the job?"

"They're both injured," she said, pushing her hair back.  "I could use about ten more right now but not permanently."

"I'll see what I can do."  She beamed at him.  "I got handed a file."

"Mine?" she asked, looking amused.  "I'd look sucky in a uniform."

"No, your other half's."

"Faith's?" she asked.  He nodded.  "Well...."  She sighed.  "I don't know.  I don't know if she'd want to, if she could even."  She walked him off.  "Flesh eaters are going to be getting him soon."  Jack shuddered.  "Why her?"

"There's been some attempts on her life in jail.  They want to offer her something like what Xander has."

She considered it.  "I don't know," she admitted.  "I have no idea if she'd take it."  She looked at him.  "She's been doing a lot of therapy and stuff."

"That's fine.  We've seen kids with worse backgrounds."

She nodded.  "I can see why.  I can introduce you, tell her you're cool, tell her about Xander, but in return I want a favor."

"Which is...."

"Dawnie."

"She's what, fifteen?"

"She's gifted in research stuff.  It's way too dangerous here.  We're looking at a fall apocalypse soon."

"Xander's not on base right now.  He's off on another project."

"I know.  That nice Colonel Mitchell called to make sure we knew he was okay after I left a semi-frantic voicemail about the shield thingy."

"He's barely conscious most of the time," he admitted.  "But it looks like he wore himself down too far.  Apparently he nearly died."

She nodded.  "That's what we figured that bright light was."   He nodded.  "I can get Mom to go to LA or something but Dawnie gets in trouble.  She gets kidnaped, she gets stalked, all sorts of stuff, and I can't spare anyone to watch her."

"I have an archeologist like that," he said dryly.

"Doesn't it drive you nuts?"

"Often when he ran at problems."  He sighed.  "I'll see if we can find a volunteer to maybe be a safe haven."

"Thank you."  She gave his arm a hug.  "I didn't want to ask Riley or them."

"I can understand fully.  Actually, we're getting a few of them, not them personally, but a few of his lieutenants in."

"I'm sorry."

"We're getting Graham and two others I think."

"Graham's not bad.  He was decent when he was here.  Stuck up for Riley when he went rogue to stop that shit."

"Good.  I like to hear that."  He smiled.  "I can call about it but can you and I meet about Faith tomorrow?"

"Will they let us visit?"

"Yes.  I can make sure of it."

"That's wonderful.  I'll see if Mom wants to write her a letter, or Willow or even Tara or Giles."  She beamed.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome.  I'll get on that and some more temporary help for you from the hotel outside the town."  She beamed.  "Go home."  She jogged off.  He headed back to his rental car and to the motel.  He had some calls to make.

***

Jack met the people in LA at the spot Buffy said she had to pick up some letters to Faith at.  "Soldiers."  They saluted him.  He smiled.  "How many of you know who I am by reputation?"  A few looked confused.

"He's General Jack and he took Xander in," Dawn told them.

They all raised their hands then, a few even smirked.

"Good.  All of you are coming to my project in a few weeks.  Until then this is Tillick.  He's helping Miss Summers.  She's about to have an apocalypse so you'll be helping her and then come to us.  She'll be giving me an evaluation of your strengths and what annoyed her during it so be yourselves."  They all nodded.  "Good."  He looked at Dawn.  "You packed reasonable things?"

"Of course.  Can I see Xander?"

"He's off on another project or I'd let you."

"Shoot."

"He might be better by the time it's done."

"Good."  She beamed.  Buffy came out of the Hyperion.  "We ready?"

"Fully.  I got letters from Wes and Angel."  She smiled at Jack.  "Thank you.  This is a huge weight off me."

"I understand fully.  I've wanted that myself in the past."  She beamed and they got into the car.  "Miss Summers will be back in about three hours.  All of you gear up and be ready to head up there by then."  They nodded.  "She'll set you with my former people who're already up there."  He slid in to drive them to the jail.  Dawn would be with him until he could hand her to Daniel to see where her gifts really were.  He met the warden, shaking his hand.  "Thank you."

"It's irregular but I understand why she's being promoted to a special program after those death threats."  He looked at the two women.

"I worked with Faith before," Buffy said.  "Jack's evacuating my sister for a bit."

"I suppose that's normal."  He led them inside and through security.  The younger one had to take out earrings but she didn't seem to mind.  She was a bit bouncy and happy, looking at everything.  He walked into his office.  "Please get prisoner Lehane," he ordered his head guard.  "They're here to talk to her."  He nodded, going to retrieve her.

Jack stood up when she walked in, looking her over.  She was quiet, almost subdued.  "Miss Lehane."  She stared at him and he could see the energy and the fire in her eyes.  It was good that this hadn't broken her, just forged her into a different shape.  "I'm General Jack O'Neill."

"Why did you want to see me.  B?  And I take it this is Dawn?"

"It is," Buffy said with a smile, handing over letters.  "From me, Mom, Willow, Tara, Wes, Giles, and Angel."

"Wow.  It's not my birthday."  She looked at her.  "The military dude?"

"You heard what happened with Xander?"  She nodded slowly, Buffy and shared that story.  "He's over that.  They heard about the Council's crud."

"The death threats or the actual attempts?" she asked.

"The attempts.  We can stop the threats too though," Jack promised.  She stared at him.  "We can offer you the same deal we give Xander.  Training in any area you're lacking in, team status, no one caring about all this."  She continued to stare.  "I won't lie, it's not easy work but it's damn helpful."

"I saw X on tv.  He's not here?"

"He's still recovering from that," he admitted.  "On an associated project where he's very safe and they like him a lot.  You'd have that option if that's where your skills lay."

"So you want me to do what?  X wrote me a letter about the amazing things but didn't describe anything."

"He's not allowed, it's classified," Dawn admitted.  "But his baby dragon is so *cute*!"

"You have your egg, right?" Buffy asked her.

"Of course.  Right where he always is."

Faith shook her head.  "He has a pet?"

"Armand is very useful on diplomatic missions," Jack admitted.  "So is Xander."  She gave him an odd look.  "Everyone likes him."

"Yeah, they do," Buffy agreed.  "Even when I wanted to be mad at him, I liked him."

Faith sat down.  "So what's the real deal here?  I get out, go into a lifetime sentence of your program?  What about the stuff with B here?"

"We've given her some help in return for Xander."

"That's good," she agreed.  "And I'd be doing what?"

"That depends on where your skills lay," Jack admitted.  "Personally, I can see you on a team like he is."  She gaped, shaking her head slowly.  "We're protecting everyone, Miss Lehane."  He handed over a folder.  She read through it then gave him the oddest look.  He smiled.  "You'd be safe.  No one could touch you.  Especially not them.  Xander nearly took their heads off for them trying him."

"Uh-huh.  Are you sure you're normal?  B, he's straight, right?"

"Yeah, he is.   Xander said his project does amazing things.  He even talks math with people once they helped him learn it."

Faith blinked a few times.  "I'd be there how long?"

"Your sentence is five more years," he said.  "I can see that being your enlistment and if you want you can reup.  I won't lie, it's a strange, threatening, wonderful job.  Someone needs to do it and you do have the skills.  If you show other skills in the sciences or languages," Faith laughed.  He smiled.  "Xander actually has quite a bent for botany.  Somehow he has some deadly, fun plants."  She gaped again.  "He also is our linguistics expert outside of the person who used to be on my team."

"You were in the field?" Buffy asked.  Jack nodded.  "Wow.  So then they promoted you?"

"I have bad knees," he said dryly.  "Thankfully they promoted be me beyond the main program's base to DC.  It was driving me nuts dealing with teams' paperwork."  Faith let out a small snort.  "Half of us seem insane but we're good at what we do, Miss Lehane.  I think, even if you can't be the best at it, you'll be good and we can find you a spot that fits you best.  If you want."

"No chains, no cells, no bars?"

"On-base quarters are a small suite.  Basically a hotel room sort of place with a locking door you control.  Your own bathroom.  Work areas are labs.  I will tell you our part of the program is all underground.  If you go to an associated project, we have one in Antarctica."  She shuddered.  "I know you're from Boston and you've seen snow."

"I like warm."

"We also have another one that's farther away, mostly warm, on the ocean, and they like Xander a lot there.  He jokes that the head scientist is his mean uncle."  She cracked a smile.  "He's used to threaten and train the newbies too."

She sighed, looking at Buffy.  "He's really happy?"

"Oh, so happy.  He's being a book nerd sometimes, he's got deadly plants, he's got weapons he gets to play with all the time, he's got his pet, and his pet plants.  There's a few threats he said.  One who's apparently a bad, wicked, evil girl who keeps trying to kill him instead of sleep with him."  Faith grimaced.  "You did?"  She nodded.  "Wow.  Was he good?"

"Very for his first time.  Why?  Gonna try?"

"He's very bi now.  Flirting and everything bi.  Pouty ex's bi too."

"Some of his ex's have been the poutiest things ever," Jack agreed.  "They all want him back but none of them respected him as a person."

Faith nodded.  "I've seen that happen."  She looked at Dawn.  "Why did you come?"

"It's that time of year and Buffy wants me safer.  I'm going back with him tonight to see if I might want to join some year too.  Maybe take Xander's place some year."

"Ah."  She looked at the folder again.  "You guys are insane," she pointed out.

Jack nodded.  "Sometimes.  Yeah.  But it works."  He smirked.  "Want to help us make sure everyone's protected, be safe, and we can even let you wear leather pants now and then?  Xander does."

She cracked, bursting out laughing.  "Sure, I could use less chains.  Just to try it out."

"You're more than welcome to tell us you can't handle it," he assured her.  She nodded.  "Then we'll move you somewhere more mundane."

"I can handle that."  Jack handed over the official paperwork transferring her and they took the chains off.  He drove Buffy back to LA so she could be driven up by her temporary helpers.  Then he, Dawn, and Faith went to the airport.

***

Jack walked onto base, letting Faith stare around. "Dawn, you know the rules, right?" he asked.  Again.

"Of course," she sighed.  "Really!  I'm not two."

Faith looked at her.  "I heard."

"Riley's people got her."

"Good!"  Dawn smiled so she gave her a shoulder nudge once they were in the elevator.  "Where will she be?"

"My former teammate is taking her in.  He's an archeologist and linguist.  He's actually Xander's boss.  He's also taking care of Armand while Xander's recovering."

"That looked like it was hard," Dawn admitted.

Jack nodded. "He was basically unconscious after that and then a battle."  They got off the elevator and were met by Daniel, Landry, and Mitchell.  "Daniel, this is Dawn Summers."

"Hi," he said, smiling and shaking her hand.  Armand jumped over to nuzzle her.  "Aww, you met?"

"Yup, he likes me."  She petted him, cooing.

Faith stared.  "What is that?  It's wiggy."

"It's Xander's baby dragon Armand.  He introduced us when Mom was in the hospital," Dawn said, letting Faith be sniffed and pet his head.  "He's very nice and very protective."

"I'm sure he is."  She nodded.  "Okay.  That's strange."

Daniel smiled.  "Just wait until you go through the gate, Faith."  She blinked a few times.   "Come on, we can use Xander's office.  I wanted to test Dawn on her language skills."

"I sucked ass in school," Faith told him.

"But, being what she is means a higher level of hand-eye coordination and weapons skills," Dawn quipped happily.  She bounced behind them.  Armand was happy too.  "How is Xander?"

"He's still responding to cues but he's still in the water most of the time sucking up the native energy to heal what he burned out," Cam told her.

"Shoot, I was hoping to see him."

"Maybe.  We're not sure when he'll wake up," Daniel offered.  "If he hadn't run into that battle with his team afterward, he might be here, making dirty jokes and telling the other linguists to do their own work."  She smirked at that.  He let them into Xander's office.  Faith whistled.  "He did it."

"X can do this?" she asked, looking around.

"Clearly," Dawn said, sitting at the work table.  Faith glared at her.  "It feels like Xander to me.  I can feel magical currents."

"Because of the thing?"

"Yeah, and the hellmouth," she admitted.  "I've also gotten in some practice that was approved by the coven Xander trained with."

"Your sister knows and didn't freak?" Faith asked.

Dawn sighed.  "Buffy's had to be a lot more open about the magic stuff since Willow went magic addiction.  It got so bad she even broke in here to tell Xander he couldn't be gay, he had to come home, and they were only humoring him.  Or that's what she wrote in her journal that Tara was reading through to see what she had done."

Mitchell nodded.  "He dragged her off to hand to someone too.  He can be very protective of some of us on both bases."

"He said you guys were neat and kept wanting to burn the teenage Buffy and Willow at a stake.  Do I get to meet Mean Uncle Rodney and his big brother, Sheppard?"

"They're on the project where Xander is, watching over him.  Same as Ronon and Teyla are if he mentioned them," Daniel said.

"Ah!"  She nodded.  "Okay."  She looked at Armand.  "I know you like them."  He meeped and nuzzled her.  "You're a good boy dragon," she cooed.  "Very loving.  I'm sure you miss the daddy and you'll get to see him soon."

"I'm bringing him up in about a week so you'd be sat by Sam Carter that two days," Daniel told her.  "I know you might not need one but just to be safe."

"Sure, I get that.  Do you guys get NID freaks around here too?"

"Sometimes but we call them targets," Mitchell said with a smirk.  Jack and Daniel both laughed.  Landry shook his head.   "Why?  Are they bothering your sister?"

"They kinda found out about Glory's crap and why, and decided I was the reason.  We have no idea who in Riley's unit told them but he's threatened to eviscerate whoever it was.  Buffy tied two to a tree the other day and left them there at dusk.  She was not happy they woke her up by breaking into her room by accident."

"I might've slayed," Faith admitted quietly.

Cam left and came back with something, which made Faith back away and grab one of the swords Xander had on the walls.  "Our main enemy and they take over people.  The other one are major cultists who want to convert everyone in their paths or they kill them.  The other project has these things," he said, putting a jar with the blood of a wraith on the table.  She growled and swung at it but he saved it.  "Plus insane people who want nuclear weapons that you only have to shoot at if they bother you but you can wound instead of kill if you can get to that level with a gun."  He stared at her.

"No hurting people?" she asked, staring at the generals.  They both shook their heads.  "You're sure?"

"If they invade the base, and you can shoot to wound, do so," Landry told her.  "We will be testing you to see if you have any academic skills or interests outside of what you've known so far.  We've had to learn a lot watching Xander learn new things that weren't given in a lecture format.  That program actually has a physicist who's been working on Xander's teaching in a more practical manner.  He's gotten him rather far in theoretical physics."

"Can he help me get my GED?" Faith asked.

"It sounds like you'd fit better on that project," Landry admitted.  "So I'll definitely ask him."  She beamed.

"How fast is your hand-eye coordination?" Cam asked her.

"Fairly.  Why?  I'm out of practice."

"I want to try her in the flight simulator," he told the generals, getting a smile and a smirk back.  "They could use more pilots."

"Also with the mandatory training rules now in place, we'll have to do her medical training," Daniel pointed out.  "Faith, will you be squeamish at the sight of blood or injuries?  It's now mandatory to take some field medic classes."

"I can see how helpful it'd be.  I've had plenty of my own that needed it.  X did some of them himself."

"He's the one who raised the need, plus it looks good on diplomatic things," Cam agreed.  "Xander got us a whole new peace treaty with the Genii, the one with the splinter faction up there, by helping tend injuries at a meeting then pulling out weapons to defend the group when they were attacked by the wraith.  They consider him good, but too scary to cross.  The same as Armand there has made us a lot of friends."

"So I should be subtle?" she asked.  "'Cause I'm not really."

"Tilla!" Jack yelled.  She came jogging up the hall.  "This is Faith Lehane.  She worked with Xander.  Faith, this is Major Amanda Tilla.  She's on Xander's team."  They shook hands.  "Tilla is our answer to Xena."  Faith beamed at that.  "She beats up on the Marines, makes them cry, all that."

"Later on you can spar with her then with Teal'c," Landry told her.  "That way we know where your physical limitations are.  Then we'll test you on the basics of physical boot camp training.   Tomorrow we can do educational and skill testing that way."  Both girls nodded.  "Dawn, if you wanted, you can join in on the boot camp tests."

"Buffy won't let me train or learn self defense, General.  She's a bit panicky about that or me dating."

"Bullcrap," Faith said, looking at her.  "Every girl should learn how to defend herself from those leaches called men."

"I pointed that out.  She talked to Mom about a chastity belt and an all girls school."

"While you're here, I'll work with you.  It might help your Tuesday luck," Faith promised with a smile.  Dawn squealed and hugged her.  "Thanks, little bit."

She pulled back.  "Spike calls me that too."  Faith shuddered.  "So I shouldn't mention Buffy's current boyfriend?" she guessed.

"Eww!  Again!  Fang was bad enough!"

"Riley's people put a chip in Spike so he can't hunt.  He's been getting his chaos and carnage fix by helping her."

"Still gross.  I'm going to toss my cookies."  Cam kicked over a pretty trash can.  "Thanks."  He just grinned back.  "Did you guys know about this?"

"Unless she's ours, we can't complain," Jack told her.

"Damn!  That's still gross."

Tilla coughed.  "Who is Spike?"

"A vamp," Dawn said.  She shuddered too.  "He's helpful.  He thinks he loves her."

"Just stop," Faith begged, holding her stomach.

Dawn went back to petting Armand.

Daniel smiled.  "Why don't you guys take Faith to the flight simulator.  I'll see if Dawn knows any of the languages we use around here?"

"Can I try it?" Dawn asked, begging with puppy eyes.  She had learned that off Xander.

"I hate it when the kid does that to me," Landry sighed.  "Fine, we should see if your interests lie in that direction so we can talk to you about the Air Force."  She beamed and wiggled.  Armand meeped and they led them down to the flight simulator.  They set it for helicopter flights and Dawn had a great time missing birds, telephone wires, and houses.  She was a bit rough on the landing but she was having a ball.  When Faith got in there they had to explain some extra things to her but she got it and it was nice.  She had to restart after hitting a wire, but then she got the hang of the controls.

"Ever play video games?" Cam asked, lounging in the opening.

"Nope.  Never had a system.  Why?"  She glanced back then went back to flying.  This was pretty cool.

"Most kids who do so well usually grow up playing video games."  He reached around.  "Okay, it's going to get faster.  This is a combat simulator.  Still in helicopter mode."  She nodded.  "Listen to the verbal cues.  Ask if you don't understand the code," he said, realizing she wouldn't get it.  He plugged in his own headset.  She lifted them off, flinching at the first explosion but she got that determined look on her face.  She asked about a few but he told her a few more, giving simpler directions.  She nodded and kept going.  It was one of the longest logged flight times.  He got them some food and set her up in the jet simulator.  This one was harder and faster.  She did fantastic and remembered the codes from earlier.  She got put into the puddle jumper and X-302 simulator and was whooping up in joy when she got into space.  When he finally shut it down he found a post-it from Landry with a room number for her.  He stuck her in Xander's room.  She looked around.   "Xander's since he's not using it tonight."

"That's cool.  I won't touch his stuff.  Nice tv."

"He got that the same time he imported porn," he said dryly, cracking her up.  "He didn't have any fun for about two months and got jumpy.  Then he hit a brothel for a week and a half.  He came back with that stuff."  He smiled.  "Shower's through there.  Rest, we'll come get you at 0700?"  She nodded.  He left, hearing her lock the door behind him.  He went to report to Landry.  "Can Sheppard teach flying?  I know he has been helping Xander so he understands drones and the chair."

"I'm fairly certain he can," Jack admitted.  "He taught the kid hands-on in a puddle jumper.  Then with a drone."

"She can do all the way up.  Whooped like she was riding a bull in the X-302 sim."

"Excellent," Jack agreed. "They have one up there so the pilots can keep sharp with things they don't have locally."  He beamed.  "I'll let him know.  How was Dawn's?"

"I didn't get past helicopter but she did good.  Steady, not real fast, but then again she doesn't drive yet."

"How were her languages?"

"Danny quizzed her over dinner," Jack admitted.  "She knew Latin like Harris does.  She knows some Greek, some Summerian, like him that's what the books are in.  She knew some Ancient somehow.  Recognized some of the words.  He said at her age she's very trainable.  She needs more background in sciences.  Then again, McKay wanted to bomb their school.  Again."

Cam snickered.  "I can agree with that.  So we can get Faith taught all the flying she wants?"  Jack nodded.  "Good.  I think she'll do good there.  Can she do off-site academy classes?"

"Yes," Jack said.  "We have an arrangement thanks to Jon."

"So she needs her GED, then that," Landry said, making notes.  "Let's see where she tests tomorrow.  With her background I'm not expecting she was a straight A student.  Probably a more practical hands-on learner like Xander is."  He looked up.  "Dawn's education?"

"Air Force," they both said.  Landry smiled at that.

"We can definitely teach her to fly," Cam said casually.  "Maybe she'll be the next cross between Jackson and me or Sheppard."

"Maybe," Jack agreed.  "She settled in?"

"Yup.  She's in Jon's rooms.  Faith's in Xander's rooms.  Jon does know, right?"

"Yeah, he knows.  He headed home last night for a break."  He looked at Landry.  "If they're that good we're going to end up fixing that school or letting her home school."

"If she's home schooled I can have Carter looking over her shoulder."

Rodney leaned in.  "We can just bomb their pathetic excuse for a feeding barn until harvest."

"Did you use that bracelet again?" Jack demanded.

"Yes.  I need two books from Xander's collection because he's been panicking about something and we don't know what."  He went in there to get them and then went back to Atlantis.  They had no idea what was making Xander panic.  He was about to find the Doctor and ask him.

Jack looked at Landry.  "I'm going to ban all time traveling devices from the scientists."

"He's powering his with bits of naqquadah," Cam said dryly.  "It doesn't last for more than two or three jumps at a time."

"Good!  It's freaky that Rodney McKay is becoming Doctor Who!" Landry said impatiently.  "Jack, confiscate it."

"I'll tell Sheppard.  He did say that he and Xander were conspiring on the power problem and Rodney wanted to know what the tardis was powered on.  Xander asked him very bluntly if he was going to turn Atlantis into one."  Everyone else in the room shuddered.  "Exactly.  Sheppard can confiscate it when I bring them to Atlantis.  Are we letting Summers go there?"

"No, not yet," Landry said.  "She's too young to take in if she talks.  Since she's a teenage girl, she'll talk."

"She keeps other secrets," Mitchell pointed out.  "About her sister and things."

"Good point, but no.  Not this time."

"Okay."  Jack went to make plans to move Faith to Atlantis after the testing.

***

Faith came out of the ring.  "Shiny," she said, blinking at all the sudden sunlight.  "Will that thing do the freaky and make a third?" she asked Jack, turning to look at him.

"No.  We checked.  One of the IOA idiots is a watcher.  He knows and is sworn not to blab to Travers that you're with us.  If he does blab, I'm letting Xander have him since he's mean."

"If you're sure."

"I am."  He smirked, looking down at Armand.  "Watch the tail, Armand."  She scooped him up and Chuck shut down the gate.  "We're here."  Sheppard came jogging down the stairs.  "First, confiscate the bracelet.  It's creepy."

"Xander's?"

"McKay's."

"His is working?"

"Yup.  He popped in for books."

"It's going to be sunk then.  The Doctor is here."

"Good.  We can go ask him when Xander will be better.  This is Faith Lehane.  She is gifted in the same way Summers is."  They walked off, her carrying Armand until he spotted Ronon and leaped at him.

"Hey!"

"He loves Ronon's hair," John said with a smile, holding out a hand.  "Colonel John Sheppard."

"Hi, Faith."  She shook it.  "You guys really are on an ocean."  He grinned.  "So, how're we going to work this thing, O'Neill?"

"That's what we're going to talk about outside."  He walked out with him.  "Doctor."  He flinched then smiled at him, shaking his hand.  "This is Faith."

"He told me," he said, shaking her hand.  "You're wiser than he said."  She gave him an odd look.  "I think the problem is that there's a storm coming.  Storms would upset the water and the denizens, which are apparently still talking to him."

"The mermaid stuff?" Faith asked.  "B told me about that."

"Indeed," Doctor number nine said with a smile.  "I told you you were wise."  He led her over.  "He's still mostly out of it, absorbing to replace some of the energy he burned out."

"I get that," she agreed.  "Dawn really wanted to see him.  Xander, I brought your pet," she called quietly.  He snorted and blinked up at her, waving one hand then falling back asleep.

"That's the most we've gotten out of him in days," John admitted, smiling at her.

"He usually hates to sleep around people."

"I understand why," the Doctor promised.  "Been there myself a few dozen times.  Xander.  Armand!" he shouted.  He came loping out and grew, leaning down to nuzzle his father.  Xander cooed back and petted him.  "Come on, time to get up and hit your bed, young man."  He helped Doctor Keller pull him up.  Xander blinked at them.  "Good morning.  It's been three weeks since you collapsed."  Xander hmmed and leaned on Rodney's shoulder.  "Get him to bed."

"We should rinse him off.  There's no telling what's in the water," Rodney complained.  Armand stole him to lick him clean, carrying him back inside like he would a cub.

"That's so cute I wanna puke," Faith said, cracking John up.  She looked at the Doctor, who was staring at her.  "What?"

He smiled.  "I remember the whole thing he told me about you, including that he saw you later on in life when he was blipping around as he put it."  He winked.  "You'll be fine."  He got back into his tardis and left.  They had it again.  He did come back and looked at Sheppard.  "Bracelets."

"His or McKay's?"

"McKay's.  His if you can manage it but he gets into the damndest trouble.  I'd rather have him have an escape route than have to do this again when he teleports."  He ducked back in and left.  Then he came back to look at Faith.  "Would you like to see Wales with me?  I have to go check on Jack and Ianto.  Then Gwen."  She shrugged and looked at Jack.

"Within two days, please."

"That's fine."  He took her and she squealed when he shoved her inside.  Then they left.

Jack handed Sheppard the list.  Then he took McKay's bracelet from him and handed it over too.  "McKay, Dawn Summers will end up linguistics or chemistry.  She's a decent flier in the simulator on helicopters.  Unfortunately she's in Sunnydale."  He growled at that name.  "You, Carter, Jackson, are home schooling the girl.  Am I understood?"

"Greatly.   Are we sure chemistry?"

"She's fourteen, nearly fifteen, and has a good hand at mixing weird foods and seemed to get the chemistry parts better.  If you can warp her to physics and she likes it, go for it.  Those are her proficiency scores along with Lehane's.  I want her to sign up under Radek's teaching schedule.   She's another hands-on learner and she's got to get her GED first.  Sheppard, her natural slayer ability showed up in her sim test.  All the way through 302's.  She squealed in space."

"Okay, I can work on that."  He smiled.  "Any other areas?"

"She's not bad in the field.  Turn her into a mini you, but she doesn't want to shoot people."

"I heard why from Xander's memories."

"Good.   She does react to wraith and gou'ald.  Strongly to both."  They both nodded.  "She seemed to get a lot of the basics of the medical training Doctor Lam gave her earlier today."  He helped Doctor Keller up.  "Thank you, Doc."

"Welcome.  Am I getting her?"

"Give her as much as she wants, it can only help her.  Harris as well when he's better."  She nodded at that, walking off trying not to pull the wet suit out of the crack of her butt.  He smiled at the two heads of Atlantis.  "Harris can continue to soak up whatever he wants.  It might help him in the future.  If possible I want him here the whole time he's healing.  His team will be up in two weeks."  They nodded.  "Jon wanted to kick some gou'ald butt again."  John chuckled.  "Yeah, I know.  Like original, like clone," he joked dryly.  "McKay, do you think you can help with her lesser education without scarring her?  I know you and Harris can work that way.   If you can, then I won't complain if you help."

"Of course I can."

"Good.  GED, then whatever you can of military theory, Sheppard.  We have an off-site agreement with the Academy."

"I can do that, General."

"Good."  He shook their hands.  "Let me take a picture of him for Summers.  She's a bit...squealy but nice.  She has oh my God syndrome right now but they'll train it out of her."  He left, going back to take that picture then home.  Dawn pounced him for it and hugged him until he begged then bounced off to call her sister and tell her.  He told Sam and Daniel that McKay would help with her education.  It was all good to them.  Things could get back to normal.

***

Later that night, the tardis landed on the same pier in the rain.  He smiled and brushed her hair back behind her ears.  "You have a great destiny beyond slaying, Faith," he said gently.  "Now, go run it down, pounce it, and make it beg for mercy."

She smiled.  "Thanks, Doc."

"You're welcome."  He kissed her on the forehead.  "Go inside.  Someone's bound to be up."  She nodded and headed that way.  He watched until she got inside then he left again.  Rose was going to be very pissed at being left alone that long.

Faith walked in, smiling at the guard.  "Faith Lehane, reporting for duty again.  Colonel Sheppard was supposed to assign me tutoring time earlier."

"Colonel Sheppard to the west pier for a visitor," the guard said over the comm.  "We can't be too cautious, ma'am, even with who dropped you off."

"I get that."  John walked out yawning.  "Sorry.  Is it that late?"

He shrugged.  "I was reading in bed anyway."  He walked her off.  "Thanks, Grady, Sterling."

"Welcome, sir," they said in unison.

John led her to the science labs first.  "Radek?"  He looked up, nearly jumping.  "This is Faith.  Did Rodney show you her scores?"

"Yes, he did," he said, shaking her hand and saying something in Czech.  She blushed and responded.  He beamed and kissed her on the cheek.  "It is good to hear my native language."  He looked at her.  "You will do just fine and mean Colonel will teach you how to fly."  She beamed at that.  "I will have you in here in the mornings to go over things.  Rodney may interrupt to complain and give you more information than you'll ever need."  She grinned and nodded.  "Then lunch, then he can assign you military homework or flying time.  Good?"  She nodded.  "Excellent.  Get her a room, Colonel, and clothes.  Women cannot have only one outfit.  Makes them go mad."

"I'm used to it," she said quietly.

"You hush.  You are not there.  Now you are here and will prove yourself."  She nodded at that.  "Good.  Now go rest.  Must be tired."  She let the Colonel walk her off.  He sighed in pleasure.  He did like teaching sometimes.  Xander was getting better.  This one was getting a good education from them.  It would be fine.  The others were staring at him.  "That is Faith.  She's a special admit due to other skills we can use.  She has the makings of a good Air Force person.  Very quick reflexes as well."  He got back to work happier.  Maybe she would pick on him like Xander picked on Rodney.

***

Xander woke up in a bed being stared at.  "Huh?" he asked Teyla.

"You were having a nightmare."

"Sorry.  Have those."

"I know and I understand why."  She smoothed over his hair.  "You were sweaty too."  He groaned and got up to take a shower.  She smiled.  "Should I tell people you're up?"

"It's the middle of the night, Teyla."

"Fine, I'll wait until tomorrow.  Your team will be here then."

"Are they mad?"

"No, they're not mad.  They understand."

He came out.  "How can they when I don't."

"It was explained to them."  She didn't look at his nakedness.  "Go bathe."  He nodded, going to do that, moaning at the feel of the water.  She blushed but let him come out in his own time.  She tucked him in, smiling when he yawned.  "Sleep again, Xander.  No nightmares."  He nodded, curling up around Armand, who had snuck into bed with him.  She petted his hair until he started to snore then left him alone.  It was nearly dawn so she ran into Ronon.  "I woke him up when he started to have a nightmare."

"That's a good sign.  It means he's getting closer to normal."

"I made him take a shower because he was sweaty.  He was up to complaining."

"Even better."  They went to the mess for breakfast.  Faith was in there, staring in the direction of the sunrise.  They sat down next to her.  He grunted.  She passed the sugar without looking.  "I'm training you well," he joked.

She looked at him.  "I'm not the dragon."  She went back to watching the sun rise.  It was comforting in many ways.

"The sun always rises," Teyla pointed out.

"Not always and not forever."  She shifted to look at her.  "If girls like me don't win, some day it won't."

"I have heard of such from Xander, but I did not understand why."

"It's a lot like what you were made to do against the wraith," Jon said as he joined them.  "Yeah, we're early.  Adria really wanted Xander but she was upset that he was sick."  Faith snorted.  "Exactly."  He smiled at her.  "Jon Tyler-O'Neill."

She shook his hand.  "Faith Lehane."

"I saw Dawn."

"She still squealing over Teal'c to try to make him blush?"

"Yup."  He dug in.  "Xander?"

"I woke him from a nightmare and made him take a shower.  He complained a bit," Teyla admitted.

"That's great news."  He looked at Faith.  "I can work on the flight simulator with you if you want."

"You fly?"

"Kinda."

She stared at him.  "Why do I get that strange feeling from you?"

"'Cause I'm not exactly normal.  Cloning is strange."

"Huh.  Well, no stranger than D," she decided.  She stuffed her mouth.  "Ronon, when do I get to spar?"

"Today," he decided.  "I will tell Radek to let you out a bit early."

"I can do it after lunch if there's a training group," she offered.  "I'm out of practice."

"You can start with me then," Teyla told her.  "I'll work on that then the bantos sticks."  Faith nodded at that.  "Then Jon can work on your flying skills if John doesn't mind."  She ate another bite.  "What is this sauce?"

"Yogurt," Faith said.

"It's odd."  She ate it anyway.

Radek sat down next to Faith, smiling at her.  "Good morning."

"You worked all night, didn't you?" she asked.

"Was unfortunate but a window burst in one underwater tower."  He stuffed his mouth.  "Still, you have a test today."

She grimaced.  "Do I have to?"  He nodded.  "Fine."

"You'll do well and I'll be proud enough to sneak some of Rodney's power bars for you."  She beamed at that.

"Didn't Xander make you guys cocoa plants?" Jon asked.

"Yes, is very good.  But locked up for the mean cafeteria ladies."

Jon smirked.  "Good thing I brought up some, huh?"  Faith hugged him.  "Thanks."  She beamed and got back to her breakfast.  "Okay, so test, who's going to grade it?"

"Rodney will," he assured him.  "Then sparring then flight simulator?"  Jon and Teyla both nodded.  "That's a good, long day.  How is Xander doing?"

"Closer to waking up fully," Teyla said, smiling at him.  "He's back to having nightmares."

"I wouldn't wish those on anyone but I know it is a good sign in his case."  He stuffed his mouth again.  Rodney came in and got food, sitting down at the end of the table.  "You will grade Faith's test for me?"

"Of course I will.  Come in and give it to me.  Even if you have to break me out of whatever I'm doing."

"Are you going to yell this time?"

"I'll try not to."

"Thanks.  Last time I nearly punched you."

He smirked.  "You can try if you want to.  Just don't hit me in the face."

"I won't.  That might make you too unpretty for the colonel."

Rodney choked.  "Not here even two weeks and you've already heard that rumor," Ronon said, smiling but shaking his head.  "Gossip is too heavy.  They need more porn."  Teyla hit him on the arm. "Then they wouldn't have time for gossip."

"You guys have porn?" she asked dryly.

"The IOA decided they didn't want the soldiers diddling the locals," Rodney said dryly.  "Xander even got to pick some out."

"Anything warped like demon porn?"

"No, the worst we got was one hermaphrodite and a lot of two on one action," Ronon told her.  "That way the secretly gay could have their own fun.  He brought up a lot of fake dicks too."

"That's wonderful," she said dryly, cracking Ronon up.  "I'm wearing looser pants."

"If they touch you, you beat their asses," Rodney said firmly.  "Then tell someone where you left them bleeding.  Unless you want it."

She nodded.  "I'll remember that."

"Good."  He stuffed his mouth again.  "Which subject is your test on?"

"English?"

"Well, I'm Canadian and we do speak it," he decided dryly.  He finished up his plate like a vacuum.   "See me when you're done."  He left, going back to the lab.

"I'm so glad they took the bracelet from him," Jon said dryly.

"Bracelet?" Faith asked.

"He made his own version of Xander's time blipping bracelet," Jon said.

"I know the Doctor said that he had traveled with him and seen him trying to get home," Faith said dryly.  "Did he warp the great mind that eats like a horse?"

"He gives him lofty ideas of new power systems," Radek said with a smile for her.  "To power all that we do here more safely."

"Ah."  She nodded slowly.  "Okay then."

"Is helpful," Radek promised.  "But very strange."

"Yeah, I can see that being a problem," she agreed.   He smiled.  "It's freaky, even when he did it."

"True.  Man is not meant to travel back and view our mistakes in more than books."  He patted her hand.  "Eat more."  He got up and tossed out his trash then went to bed.

Faith finished her breakfast and looked around.  "Did they throw the ugly ones overboard?" she asked quietly to Teyla, but it made Ronon laugh loudly.  "Hey!" she complained.

"There are many good soldiers, them being easy to look at is oddly the fault of the main base."

Jon nodded.  "Definitely.  I have no idea why we hired pretty geeks."  Faith pinched him hard, making him yelp.  "Hey!"

"You deserved it.  Xander clearly warped you."

"Yup.  He did."  He listened as his comm came on.  "Speaking of, he's sleep wandering and he's naked."  He took one last bite, tossed out his trash, and headed off at a jog.  John Sheppard and Rodney were there too.  "Hey, Xander, why are you naked?" he asked calmly.

"Bad people coming," he muttered into Armand's side.  He was cuddling him like a teddybear and getting purred at in response.  "Bad, mean things.  Have to slay."

"No, we can do it for you," Rodney said patiently.  "Come on, before you scare anyone into thinking they should run around naked too."  He tried to lead him but Xander shook his head, looking out a window.

"He did have that vision up here before," John said quietly.  "Xander, is this a vision?"  Xander blinked at him.  "C'mon, tell me which bad people are coming."

"Buggies.  Mean roaches."

"Replicators," Jon sighed.  "Okay, we can handle them, Xander.  C'mon.  You're naked and giving people ideas.  They might try to pounce."

"Armand will save me," he pouted.

"I know he will.  You're still naked."  Xander growled but Rodney at least got him laying down and covered with a blanket one of the marines gave him.  He curled up, purring back at Armand until he fell asleep.  Then they moved him back to his room.  Jon looked at John once they had detangled from the octopus Xander and were back in the hallway. "Can we defeat one?"

"McKay, shields?"

"I need another half an hour to get that power source online and then however long it takes to calibrate just the shields to it."

"Will it endanger anyone?" John asked quietly.

"Not unless they walk into the black hole."  He left to deal with that.  Miko and Radek both got recalled to help him.

Jon nodded.  "Plans?"

"I don't know yet.  Give me ten."  He went upstairs to the command center.  "Team leaders now."  Lorne called them and joined him in the office.  He told them what Xander had said, which could take place anywhere from today to a month from now.  They settled on who would get which section.  Jon came up with Faith.  "Faith, I want you....  How are your weapons skills?"

"I can shoot.  It's part of the gifts."

"Jon, know where the range is?"

"I can find it."

"Good.  Make sure of her proficiencies.  Faith, I want you guarding the geek squad."

"Sure, I can do that.  Last line of defense?"  He nodded.  "Decent."  She followed him down to take that test.  "I'm used to crossbows, knives, that sort of thing."

"Replicators are little leggo bugs," Jon told her.  "That destroy everything."  She nodded at that.  "Not human, not made by a human, want to wipe us out."

"I can handle that.  Humans I might be squeamish at," she admitted quietly.

He looked at her.  "I saw your folder, we'll work on your skills so you wound on purpose."  She relaxed at that, nodding slightly.  "I know it's a hard bar to hit, but you can do as good as Xander without the pulling out futuristic weapons of mass destruction."  She snickered, shaking her head.  "He has a few times.  Shrank down so he could carry more then pulled one, used it, and then grinned.  He's going to drive me nuts some day."

"He was warping B that way anyway."

"I heard."  He got them into the armory, nodding at the armory master.  "This is Lehane."

"Pleasure," he said, shaking her hand.  "I heard you were a special admit for raw skills."

"She is.  We need to test weapons.  Sheppard wants her in front of the geeks.  Harris had a vision of a possible replicator invasion."

"I'll check our weapons stores," he promised.  He got her the standard issue gun, watching Jon go over it with her.  He had it well in hand so he left them alone.  She wasn't bad, but she could do better.  Jon ran her through the same exercises until she could hit the center of the target.

"I'm better in hands-on," she told him.  "Knives especially."

"Won't work on these unfortunately.  Also, wraith can feed on you if you're that close."  She grimaced.  "We'll work on it, Faith.  We don't expect you to be perfect or really great right at the start.  You'll grow into your skills."  He patted her on the back.  "Let's do it again."  She nodded and went back to the practice rounds.  Bullets weren't wasted on targets up here.

***

John saw the replicator ship on the telemetry system.  "McKay, they're here."  The shield went up, strongly blue.  "Nice color effect," he said dryly.

"That's its choice, not mine," he said from where he was working.  He tapped his earpiece.  "Radek, pay attention to the output and make sure it shakes down safely."  He got a response over his comm.  "He said it's holding inside established safety parameters."

"Good!  I like that."  They watched as the ship slowed down and scanned many planets.  It passed over them.  They had evacuated the Athosians on the mainland to the city for their safety.  The ship turned slightly to head to another planet.  "Is that new disruptor working?"

"Yes."

"Send it," John ordered.  "The life vine too.  It won't matter to them but it will destroy the ship."  Xander purred from his seat.  He was still asleep, naked, and every time they put him to bed he came back.  So they had covered him with a blanket and gave him a corner, which was fine with him.  Faith was giving him funny looks but oh well.  They were used to Xander being a bit odd.  "Attack."  The teams ready left the city to attack.  John went down to the chair to work on the city's defense.   Xander stumbled after him.  "Xander, bed," he said firmly.  "Or wake up!"

Xander blinked at him.  "Bad roaches."

"Go back to bed, Xander.  We don't have time for this."

Xander put a hand on him then grinned.  "Bad roachies be gone."  He walked off, trailing the blanket.  Faith got him back to his room and locked him in with the dragon.  Armand settled them down and cuddled.  His daddy was still sick.

John looked at his glow.  "I have no idea what this is."  He got into the chair and turned it on.  Yeah, that's what he needed.  Rodney had hooked the chair into the same power grid as the shields.   He found something marked manufacturing center and turned it on as well.  "Hey, more drones," he said dryly, asking the city mentally to connect those two areas to the new power grid.

"Did you connect something?" McKay called over the comm.

"The thing that's marked manufacturing center."

"That's fine.  We're still within safety limits.  Warn me please!"

"Fine."  The chair swung and he watched the battle.  He sent drones out to help out.  The life vine was beamed over.  The display showed the ship in trouble, going into the red slowly.  Then it shattered.  "Clean up the little roaches," he muttered.  They fired on any that may move and destroyed the whole cloud of replicators.  Lorne's ship had the disruptor beam and it got fired.   They were listed as red and he muttered a command to his people.

They gave them the equivalent of a shove, which put them into an orbit toward the sun instead of a planet.  That way if they could fix themselves it wouldn't do them any good.   He relaxed and the chair powered down to standby mode.  He watched the last few clean up blasts and nodded.  "Good job," he called over the comm.  "Is that the Daedalus behind you, Lorne?  It's not marked."

He got an affirmative from the ship itself.  "Welcome back."  He got up and let the remaining drones hit their bays.  The manufacturing center was something McKay was going to stare at for weeks on end.  He went to check.  Xander had defeated the lock and was sleeping on a couch in the atrium.  "I've got to staple at least boxers on him," he decided.  "McKay, how did the power source do?" he asked as he walked into the gateroom.

"Good enough.  I definitely need to move it further away since it does hum."

"Good.  Then can someone please work on Harris' sleepwalking problem?"

"Can't get him to wear clothes yet?" Rodney taunted with a smirk.

"No, not yet.  He's in the atrium by your lab."  Caldwell beamed down.  "Morning!"

Colonel Caldwell stared at him.  "How are you doing the shields?"  John pointed at Rodney, getting himself some coffee.  "Okay.  McKay, how are you powering the shields?  They look different."  McKay launched into an explanation that even his geeks wouldn't understand.  A few of the other scientists were staring at him strangely too.  "Isn't using a void or black hole to power things science fiction?" he asked.

"Indeed but it can be made to work."

"Sure.  Is it dangerous?"

"No.  It's fully contained."  He smiled proudly.  "We do have to move it.  It hums."

"Sure, you do that," he agreed.  "Don't put it underwater.  Water conducts sounds."  He shook his head.  It suddenly hurt for some reason.  He saw Harris wandering in with a blanket around his shoulders and Armand in his arms like a teddy bear, but naked.  "Harris!" he snapped, waking him slightly.  "You're naked in public, kid.  I don't want anyone to get any ideas about your bedroom.  Go put on clothes!"  Xander hummed, going to do that.

"I tried that a few days ago and he didn't," John complained.

"I'm more commanding and you're more friendly," Caldwell said dryly.  "Where's Woolsey?"

"Due back soon.  The IOA wanted him at the meeting to chew General O'Neill a new one.  That way if they got into Xander's abilities he could tell them to screw themselves."

Caldwell nodded.  "Wonderful.  So the replicators?"

"Hopefully dead and gone," John said.

"That's what we showed too.  That beam?"

"As they said, a replicator be gone gun."

"That makes even more sense."  Xander came wandering back in sweatpants and clearly nothing else.  He sighed but the kid found a corner out of the way and curled up.  "Is this part of his recovery?"

"I'm guessing so.  He's sleepwalking," John said.  "He had a vision about the attack."

"Then I'll hope this stage will be ending soon.  Let me beam down supplies?  If the shield will go down."  Rodney flicked it off.  "Thanks."

Xander belched. "Pretty ocean."  Armand licked him.  "Nice fishies too."

John looked at him.  "They say to never wake a sleepwalker, right?"

"Yes," Rodney said.  "XANDER!"  He flinched but woke up.  "You're mumbling.  You're sleep walking.  Thank you for finally putting on clothes though," he finished more gently.

"Why'm I in here?" he mumbled.

"You were sleepwalking," John said.  He pulled him up.  "How do you feel?"

"Sucky.  Like I have the flu."  He stared at Faith.  "Am I hallucinating?" he asked her.  She shook her head.  "You're on Atlantis?"

"Yeah, I am from now on, boytoy."

Xander hugged her and held up Armand.  "Armand, this is Faith.  We like Faith."  He licked her on the cheek.  "Aww, he likes you."  He wobbled off.

"Hit the infirmary, kid," John ordered.

"Yes, big brother John."

"Thank you."  Faith smiled, walking him that way.  He shook his head.  "It's not boring anymore."

"No it's not," Rodney agreed.  "But was it ever really?"

"No, not most of the time," he decided.  He watched the beaming down of supplies.

Caldwell came over once the beaming started.  His head was hurting less so he could ask the more detailed questions now.  "How did we come up with this new, futuristic power source?"

"Harris gave McKay the idea for it.  So far it works well.  The only problem we have is that it hums."

"How bad is the hum?"

"Constantly," John said.  "The east pier is now the punishment spot."

"How big is it and what does it run on?  I didn't get more than 'black hole' last time."

"It's a triple source power source based on a black hole," Rodney said from where he was scanning it.  "We get turbine power for lower powered needs from the sucking.  We get energy capturing from the hole itself, and then we have a breakdown system being caught by placing certain types of materials in front of it."

"Interesting."

"A lot of the future textbooks Xander had used crystal resonance source."  He smirked.  "I tried to merge them and came up with this one."

"Dangerous?"

"No.  Very safe," he said, looking proud.  "Even making the black hole."

"How big is this black hole?" Caldwell asked.

"Pinpoint.  The material we're breaking down is a fluorite crystal that we hit with a zat a few dozen times."

"Interesting.  I'd like to carry a report back to Carter if I can."

Rodney held up a USB keydrive.  "Copy it."

"Agreed."  He took it so he could copy it into his personal computer.  "Anything else new?"

"All the replicators gone?" John asked.

"A few were in space but stranded.  As far as I can tell they were dead."

"Good," John decided.  Xander came wandering back, wearing sweatpants still.  "Bed, Xander."

"Figured something out," he said through a yawn.  He pulled up something in the database, pointing.  "The Ori."  He blinked.  "Hi, Caldwell."

"Xander.  You okay?  I know you were asleep for a long time."

"I feel like I have the flu."  Caldwell smiled.  "How long was I asleep?"

"Two and a half weeks," John said, staring at him.  He rolled over to look at that information.  "Hmm, that is the Ori.  It's their home world.  Someone questioned one of the pre-Ori during that war."

Xander nodded.  "I remembered them capturing him."  He yawned.  "I feel like crap."

"You spent two weeks lounging in water to help you," Rodney pointed out.  "You barely woke up the other day.  You can go sleep, Xander.  Really."

"I will later."  He yawned again, looking at Caldwell, who waved a hand in front of his face when he caught the end of the yawn.  "Sorry.  Armand fed me stuff last.  I think it was that toxic bunny again."  He gave him a sheepish look.

"Scope, kid.  Really."  He clapped him on the shoulder.  "Is that helpful?"

John smirked as he pointed.  "Their home world?"

"That could help most likely."

"Also cultural notes.  They haven't changed a whole lot since then," Xander told him.  He shifted and ended up leaning on Caldwell's shoulder.  It got him a dirty look but oh well.  He yawned again and fell asleep slowly on him.

"Sheppard?"  He waved a hand at Xander.

"We know.  He's spent a lot of time sleeping in corners."  He pulled Xander over, letting him curl up next to Rodney again.  Xander mumbled something and snored.

Rodney gave his head an indulgent look.  "Of course we'll celebrate tonight," he said dryly.  "We always celebrate wins."  He got back to what he was doing.  Faith came bouncing up the stairs.  He pointed.

"Sure, I'll be a boytoy wrangler again," she said dryly.

"You'll find, super geeks need wrangling more often," John said dryly.  "Jackson runs at trouble, gets lost in rocks and pictures on walls.  McKay can have his face glued to a scanner so badly he might fall off a cliff," he said dryly.  "And the allies like Xander *so* much that they'd like to keep him for many reasons."

"Of course they do.  He draws bad girls."

"You have *no* idea," Rodney assured her.  "He helped fix a village's main building while we were visiting.  It was kind of him, they were working on it so he stepped in while the team negotiated.  They claimed him doing that meant that he had betrothed himself to *seven* young women in the village.  Xander had to tell them he was infertile.  Again.  This was the second time they tried to claim him and they still want to have him."

She nodded.  "You guys heard about the mummy girl, right?"  They both nodded.  Caldwell groaned, shaking his head.  "The weird and dangerous *loves* him."

"Most of his former boyfriends are just pouty," John told her.

"He's got boyfriends?" she asked.

"He slept with an emperor of Rome," Rodney told her with a smirk.

"Aw, shit."

"He kept him from having an empire of Xander."

"Thank you, Goddess," she muttered.  She lifted Xander up and carried him off.  His dragon was pouting when she dropped him on the bed but he fussed over his human so it was okay.  She went back there.  "Hey, Kissen."

"Faith."  He smiled at her.  "I saw you carting our super geek off."

"He fell asleep in a corner of the command center."

"Ah.  Wonderful."  He walked back with her.  "Sheppard, do I have anything to do today?"

"Yup, we do.  Faith needs the standard bootcamp. I got sent her physical tests," he said, earning a smirk from her.  "So let's concentrate on the 'this is how you handle this' situation.  You and Jon.  You're used to working with Xander.  She probably thinks along the same lines thanks to Sunnydale."

"I can do that," he agreed.  "Any geeks or soldiers who need it?"

"One new geek.  Geek bootcamp is less intense.  It's basically 'this is how you follow orders and don't get shot in the field'."  He called up their file.  "Good?"

Kissen nodded.  "Decent."  He walked Faith off chatting about California and the Doctor.

Caldwell pointed.  John nodded.  "For a few hours."

"Okay then," he decided.  Rodney snickered.  "Faith is...."

"Like Miss Summers," John said.

"I heard something about that.  We should be done unloading in a few hours."

"That's fine.  You guys take as long as you need to," John assured him.  "I know you usually give your guys a night on base so they get to sniff fresh air.  That's fine with us."  Caldwell smiled and went to tell his crew that.  Xander was found wandering around later but Tilla got sent his way and she just walked him off telling him a joke.  He smiled.  You had to like the kid.  He was likeable and adorable like that.

10: Ancient Blunders

Xander blinked a few times as someone faded in.  "Huh, the shields aren't working on you because you're ascended for a different reason.  AI, ascended," he called quietly.  The computer system that ran Atlantis froze her.  "RODNEY!" he called.  He and John came in from up the hall.  He pointed.  "She showed up at Cheyenne to tell them I wasn't any good."

Rodney and John sat down, John putting his feet up.  John ordered the city to release her.  "Good morning, Miss Chase," Rodney said.  "Is there a reason for this visit?"

"Who're you?" she demanded.

"These are Rodney and John," Xander said.  She spotted John and stared at him.  "So, how is being a glowy squid girl?"

"What are you doing *here*?" she demanded.

"I'm translating.  I do it very well."

She snorted.  "You?"

"Yeah, me.  Know something like forty-five languages," he said sarcastically.

Rodney patted him on the arm.  "Don't worry.  Miss Chase, did your entrance today have a reason?  Or did you just stop by to irritate an ex-boyfriend?"

"How do you know me?"

"I did a memory review of Xander's life.  I saw a lot of you."

"Excuse me?  You guys wasted technology on him?"

Xander snorted.  "Yeah, because I can use most of it.  I'm an ATA carrier too."  He beamed.  "Plus, was kinda here before.  Almost."

She stared at him.  "What are you smoking?" she demanded.

He snickered.  John shook his head.  "Not smoking, Miss Chase.  We have proof he was with the Ancients before."

"No wonder they stopped you from ascending," she said, staring at her boyfriend.

"Yeah, but the one I slept with wasn't too bad.  More of a thrust and grunt sort than really good but, well, you know you take what you get sometimes."

"You did....."

"Yeah, I've had a few boyfriends."  He beamed.  "Why?"

"You fucking pervert," she said.

"No, I was protecting myself.  I did get a lot of ass though.  Male and female."  He grinned.  "You were still the one with the most fire."

She glared.  "I hate you."

He shrugged.  "They love me.  I can live with that and my pet.  And someday I'll get a new boyfriend."

She sneered.  "You'll never ascend."

"I don't want to ascend.  How fucking boring is your day, Cordy?  You watch, you float, you moan and bitch that you'd do it differently."  He grimaced.  "I'd rather *live* life.  And hey, you can watch me do that for centuries to come."  He grinned.  "Because I'll be doing things I wanted to do, and people I want to do, and all that for a very long time."

"You're not a time lord."

"I don't have to be.  I traveled more than enough when I was trying to get home."

"You did have some amazing skills at missing your time zone," Rodney agreed.

Xander looked at him.  "Did they confiscate yours?"  Rodney nodded.  "How did you power yours?"

"Naquadah."

"Not very effective."

"I can't shrink a star," he said dryly.

"Neither can I for the next year."

"Boys," John said.  "We love our super geeks, they have a lot of interesting talks," John told her with a smug look.

She sneered.  "He's not as smart as you think."

"He works, he's on away teams, he makes friends and trading partners very easily.  His pet too.  We love Xander around here, Miss Chase.  I don't know why you decided to show up to nag but get to the point.  He has things to do before he sleeps again."

"I shouldn't," Xander complained.  "Nothing's getting done."

"You're still doing more than three quarters of our linguists," Rodney assured him.  "We can let you slack while you recover."  He patted him on the knee then looked at Cordelia.  "Now, you had some sort of whiny, womanly complaint that we'll laugh at?"

She stared at him then at Xander.  "Are they your choice?"

"I love both projects.  My real office is in Colorado but I love it up here because of the ocean.  I spent a lot of time talking to the local merpeople."

She rolled her eyes.  "You really are the fuckup's answer to a mistake in action."

"Maybe, but I have friends that don't discount me anymore," Xander shot back.  "They appreciate the hell out of me, even when I'm sick from burning out my reserves.  Not like you guys or Buffy and Willow would've spent a week with me when I was in the water rebuilding enough that I'd be able to survive and not flame up in the infirmary.  You might've visited, maybe cried, but they actually stayed with me.  In the water, made sure I was comfy and got an IV to feed me, watched over me, petted me when I had nightmares, put up with Armand being fussy.  I like them a hell of a lot better than I do you guys.  They even try to understand stuff about me.  Rodney wanted to burn the school and all of you."

"I can see her having a legitimate case for an argument," Rodney admitted. "But that was way too much to create an alternate universe.  Especially for just mixing up your names.  I mean, his love spell was bad, but yours...could've killed a lot of people."

"And it did in that realm," Xander agreed.  "I'm going to call that one even," he said, staring her down.  "So why the visit?"

"You're an asshole," she assured him.

He nodded.  "Yup.  I have that right after seventy centuries."  She groaned.  "So, why the visit beyond to chew me a new one?"

"You don't know what's in your immediate area, Xander.  You lost your patrol touch."  She stared at him.

"No, not fully.  We're scanning the local space.  We can do it better if you want.  Am I going to have more visions?  Since I've now had two."

"That's the freaky magic shit and the hellmouth.  How would I know?"  She sneered.  "You're still a fuckup."

"Yay.  That's why I passed mastery tests in *sixteen* fields, right?"  She glared.  He stared back.  Then he yawned.  "Sorry, still healing.  And?  Any other messages from on high?"

"They won't be happy to see you."

"No one is if they're fucking up.  Were you?"

She snorted and faded out.  "Pain in my ass."

"I can shift the pain forward, I did learn a *lot* about pleasure," he called.  She let out a snort before she disappeared.  He looked at Rodney.  Who shrugged.  Then at John.  "There's other ancients around?"

"We'll look," he decided.  "McKay?"

"Of course."  He got up.  "You're right, now I want to burn her for being intentionally such a bitch."  He walked out.  "Radek, pull up our scanning abilities," he yelled as he walked.  Radek started to swear about being interrupted.  "We think there's ancients still around.  Xander's ex is ascended and said so."

"The one who nearly killed you!" he complained.

"No, his from high school.  She even has tentacles."  He shuddered and they worked on it until someone had to get approval for their project and didn't meet up to any sort of scientific principles or math ones.  Then the yelling kept Xander awake for another hour.

***

Xander strolled to where the ancients in stasis had been pulled onto the city.  They were awake and yelling at them to get off their city.  "No, they won't," he said firmly.  He'd kiss Jon later for telling him about this.  The ancients stared at him.

"Xander?" one asked.

He nodded.  "In my right time zone."  He crossed his arms over his chest.  "All your brethren ascended or died.  This became an archeological dig site basically."

"It's our city," the other said firmly.

"Then next time, don't fuck up that way," he said back, staring him down.  "And don't make me paddle your ass.  I've already had words with Asha after he tried to kill someone while pretending to be me."  He moved closer, pushing one on the chest.  "I can understand why you guys ran from the wraith but it's our job now.  Since these people out here are kin to us thanks to you guys.  Plus, you guys made the fucking problem!" he shouted.

They both flinched back.  "You will respect this city and it's present inhabitants.  Or else I will  crawl so far up your asses you'll wish you had ascended."  He moved closer, staring at them.  "Remember me as I was because I've had a few more years since then, boys."  They both shrank back.  "Now.  All the ascended are presently banned from Atlantis after Asha pulled his shit.  We have wraith and a new problem in this galaxy that we're handling while rebuilding things."

"How?  We did not have the energy to fight," one said.

"The Stargate program is more stubborn, has more people, more weapons, and a shitload of experience after the gou'ald," John told him.  "You can help us or we can let you gate somewhere you want to go.  I'll have to tell you that half of the worlds have been culled bare though."  They shuddered.  "Now, are you going to be peaceful and less of an asshole to us?"

Xander snorted.  "They were all arrogant because no one else could do what they did," he said dryly.  "I twitted Asha on his ego many times.  He called me a barbarian and I pulled out something from the future."  He stared at them, noticing they were both pale.  "I've had enough.  I'm recovering from burn out.  I'm tired.  I feel like crap half the time and I need a lot of naps.  This is now *my* city with them.  This is the military commander in charge," he said with a point.  "Colonel John Sheppard.  This is Rodney McKay, he's the chief science officer.  If you can be *polite*, I'll leave you with them.  If not, I'll see if my dragon can eat you both."

"Your sacred egg hatched?" one asked.

"Armand!" he yelled.  He came trotting in.  "These are Asha's people."   The dragon grew to sniff them, making them gape in awe.  He smirked.  "I love my baby dragon."  Armand shrank and crawled up Rodney, getting glared at but petted.   "That's fine.  I'll take you in a minute."  He looked at the two junior scientists.  "Now, let's talk like civilized beings."

"You're still barbarians," one said.  Xander grabbed him by his collar and walked him out, no matter how much he and his friend complained.  He pointed.  "Do you know what that is?" he asked.

"An ugly storage shed on our beautiful pier," he complained.  Xander opened the door and he gasped.  "There's no way!"

"There is a way," Xander chided.  "And Doctor McKay would like to talk to you about how and why you harnessed ZPM energy."  He kicked the door shut, then looked at the ancients. "Now, are you going to behave or can I feed you to our newest power source?"

"No one can end the wraith," the one not in a hold said.

"We've done a pretty damn good job of it so far," John said.  "We've wiped out about a quarter of them.  We've protected the city when they invaded.  Now, you can stay if you're willing to be civil."

"You accept Xander as yours?" the one in Xander's hold said.  Xander let him go.  "He was an anomaly when he was with us."

"Yeah, he's like a little brother.  We trust him to translate things," John told him.  "He's helped us with a lot of things.  We're his people."

"Oh.  I see."  They shared a look.  They looked at Xander.  "You fought in the last war for the city."

"And the rest of the project is dealing with the Ori, who they became," he said dryly.  "This is my right time and my choice to fight with them."

The ancients nodded, looking at Doctor McKay.  "We would like to see information on this power source as opposed to our ZPM's."

"Gladly.  We've been looking at ZPM's for power networks on earth but couldn't make one safely."

"We will exchange then," one said.  "It was a project I worked on but I was not the main one."

"That's fine.  My lab is this way."  He noticed Xander yawning.  "Go rest."

"I'm fine."  They walked back inside.  He waved off the guards.  "They've agreed to be civil.  We're going to the labs."  The guards nodded and followed.

"You are in good standing?" one asked Xander quietly.

"I'm their translator geek," he said with a smile.  "On both bases.  I now know about forty-five of them."

"It's good that you made it home, Xander, and that they understand you."  He looked at John once they were in the transporter.  "You know he is a warrior and a lover?"

"Yes.  I've seen him in battles with the wraith.  I've seen some pouty ex boyfriends too."

"Yes, Asha did pout when he stomped off."  He sighed, looking at Xander as they beamed and landed.  "He is fragile," he told John as they walked up a hallway.  "He can but he needs stability.  Asha could not because he was interested in other matters."

"We know he could use a good boyfriend but for now he has friends who like and respect him.  We expect him to do some of the strangest things.  Including going into a battle rage right after saving the world."  He smiled back at Xander, who shrugged.  "With a battle axe against guns."

"I was lost in the haze of the power drain.  I had a migraine, and I was at the point of passing out when I got back there.  I was absorbing energy and then suddenly I got grazed, and well...it slipped."  Both ancients stared at him.  "Yes, like that battle.  My axe and I had a good, long migraine that day.  Then I went purring hyena."

They both shuddered.  "We could not remove that taint from him," one told Rodney.

"Us either but we accept him for it.  Even when he has nightmares and sleeps in an atrium.  Or in the corner of my lab or the command center."  Xander shrugged at their odd looks.  "We're just pleased he's now doing it clothed."

"No one put boxers on me," he pointed out.  "And I wasn't in any shape to put them on myself."

"I realize that now," Rodney said dryly.  He walked them into the lab.  "Radek, Miko?"  He waved.  Radek bowed slightly and said something in his native language.  Miko did the same.  "These are my two competent ones.  Unlike half of the rest."  He stared at the board someone had messed up.  "That's not human math!" he shouted up the hallway.  "Leave it alone!"

"It makes no logical sense!" a female shouted back.

Xander leaned out.  "I learned it long before the ancients were grunting, pointing, and going 'fire pretty'," Xander called.  "Since they had space drives it apparently worked for them."  That got a mass groan.  "We know it doesn't match to human math.  There's a multiplier."  He smiled at Rodney.  "Sorry to take your complaining time."

"I believe I have more important things to do today than complain.  Go rest."

"I can...."

"Go rest?  Yes, you shall," Rodney interrupted.  "Colonel?"

"Xander, go nap."

"I'm fine," he nearly whined.

"Jon?"  He came to get him and take him back to his room.  "Thank you.  Armand too if you would."  Armand growled.  He glared.  "You can go rest with the daddy.  I promise they won't be mean to the city."  Armand settled himself on a bench and watched.  "Fine," he sighed.  "No one can reason with you but Xander."

The ancients smiled and one shrugged.  "He is his sacred egg."   He pointed at the board.  "May I?"  Rodney handed him an eraser and they got to work writing out the power formulas they knew.  Rodney pulled up his research on the ZPM's, including the accidents that had happened.

"We had one such," the other ancient sighed.  "We had a way to make it safer."

"If I could have found it, I would have.  That's why I let Xander show me other energy sources when I found out he knew some."

They smiled.  "He is very likeable, even if you can't agree with him."

"Yes he is.  I consider him like a mischievous little brother."

"I wish he had attached himself to me instead of Asha.  I might've been happier," the one not doing the math admitted.  "Asha was nearly ill with his possessive nature."

"I saw that," Rodney said.  "He wouldn't have minded if Asha had liked him for himself, not seen him as some sort of gifted toy that fell from the sky into his garden."

The other one nodded.  "Xander needs someone who is there for him and only him."  He wrote another formula.  "Have you seen this one?"

"I have and it's when we had the accidents."

"Hmm."  He corrected a few things and let him know where the manufacturing process was.

***

Xander wandered in three hours later and took the laptops away from everyone.  "The city says that someone was trying to undermine the shield."  He yawned.  "Don't fuck with the shield.  I don't want to have to destroy an ascended being today."  He stared at the one who probably had done it.  The man gaped.  Xander stared harder.  He shrank back.  "Thank you."  He handed them to Rodney.   Then he wandered off.  "Armand, dinner."  The dragon hopped down and followed him.

"Shoes and shirts are mandatory in the caf," Jon shouted after him.

"I am!"

"Good!"  He walked into the lab.  "Sheppard wanted to make sure you didn't need an ATA carrier, McKay."

He smirked.  "Probably later."

"Yay," he said flatly.  He walked off, going to make sure Xander ate this time.  He hadn't eaten in days as far as he knew.  He walked Xander into the caf, filling a tray but getting a grimace.  "You have to eat.  If you don't eat, I'm going to sit your ass in the infirmary."

"Yes, Jon."

"Thank you."  He put him out on the balcony since there was a breeze.  Armand liked that too.  The moons were up.  Xander was eating slowly but eating.  Eventually he put the whole contents of the tray down and sighed in displeasure.  Jon stared at him.  "It's been too long since you did that and you need to so you finish healing.  I can't take you on missions until you're a hundred percent."

"I know."

"How's your rebuilding going?"

"It'll be a year before I have serious magic again."

"Okay, good to know.  The shrinking spells?"

"Independent, same as my office is."

"Excellent."  He pushed over an extra glass of soda, getting a grin and the boy drinking.  Then suddenly he heaved and moaned, holding his head.  "What?"

"The wraith."  He got up and ran to the labs.  "Rodney!"  He came out to stop him.  "Wraith are nearby."

"How can you tell?"

"I have no clue."

"Okay, we'll scan."  He did that from the labs.  "There's no signs."

"They can cloak," Xander reminded him.

"This should pick that up."

Xander shook his head.  "No, it won't.  Jon?"  Since he knew he was following him.  "Puddle jumper?"

"We can do that."  He went to get one checked out.  Sheppard gave him a dirty look.  "Xander somehow thinks he sensed wraith."

"How?"

"No clue.  Nearly made him puke dinner."

"Go for it.  Let me know."

"He said they can cloak?"

"Barely.  We should be able to pick that up."

"Maybe space will help him settle down."  He filed the plan and got the jumper ready while Xander got some things.  Including the little crystal box.  "I want that inside something airtight, Xander.  Just in case."  Xander put it in one inside the puddle jumper.  Jon took them out and low flying across the ocean to the mainland, then up.  That way no one could find the city from space.   They made it and he scanned.  "No strange energy signatures."  Xander pointed.  He scanned that area.  "No."

"Yeah."  He stared then activated something on the flight controls.

"Jumper 3, what are you doing?" Sheppard asked.  "It looked like you just cut life support."

"I did not," Xander retorted.  He restarted something and then activated something else.  "There," he said, pointing at the energy spot.

"That's a wormhole," he announced.  "We do have an incoming wormhole, Colonel."  He scanned it again.  "Looks bigger than the Daedalus's version."  It opened and a smaller ship came out.  "That's not right.  They have more than one."

"We have a mega hive if that's any indication," Xander said.  Another one came out and then a third, huge one.  "Yup, we have spotted a huge ass hive, Colonel.  And even I'm ready to piss myself."

"We can't lead them back to the city," Jon complained.

"Beam the life vine to the big mutha," Xander ordered calmly.  "Then we ... probably have no weapons?"

"Very few," Jon admitted.

"Fuck me," Xander muttered, staring at it.  Jon did beam the life vine into their ship.  The power dropped considerably.  "That won't work," he said in a quiet sing-song voice.

"No, that vine's still really potent," Jon promised.  They tried to beam it off the ship but oh well!  Soon that ship was shaking and a few pods came out.  "Damn it, we could use the space ships."

"We can't.  The shield has to be up on the city."  He considered it.  "What do we have for weapons?  Anything the size of a tactical nuke?"

"No.  Those are special ammo, not regular ammo," Jon said dryly.  "Are you carrying anything spectacular?"

"I didn't stop to put anything on."  They watched as that ship disintegrated.  "That didn't take long."

"It's probably really old."  They watched as one half got power restored.  They shared a look but the scanners said the plant was on that side too.  Pretty soon, no more power there either.  "I might be able to beam a sample of the plant onto the other ships," Jon said, trying that.  It worked partially.  The smaller ship went down.  The pods were still a problem but they could shoot at them.   They ran out of ammo fairly quickly but Xander reconfigured something and an energy beam came out to cut the pods open.  That left one bitty ship.  Xander thumped his head against the head rest.  "We don't have power to do it again."

"We're out of real ammo."  Xander checked himself, coming up with something.  It glowed.  "Xander, what's that?"

"Practical, stored energy.  I won't have to do more than rest later."  He went into the back and fed it into the tube that would fire it.  It powered it nicely when he reconfigured it.  "Now."

Jon took the shot when it was in range and perfectly centered.  It blew up too.  "Atlantis control, this is Puddle Jumper 3, we're good.  Any other signs of wormholes coming up out here?"

"Negative that we can see.  Do another scan," John Sheppard ordered.  Jon did that and fed it back.  "Good work.  Get back here.  Does he need a doctor?"

"No, I need a nap and some ice cream," Xander said as he sat down in the copilot's seat again.  "And more flying lessons."

"When you can stay awake for a whole day," John said patiently.  "Since you can use the chair too."  A few people around him apparently choked.  "Get back here."

"Coming in," Jon agreed, setting that course.  They landed inside the city a few minutes later and he walked out with Xander.  "Here you are," he said, handing him to Doctor Keller.

She scanned him then handed him back.  "Just tired.  Make his dragon fuss."

"Sure, I can do that.  Ronon, take him to your petting buddy?"  Ronon snorted but took him with him.  Armand still loved his hair.  He handed the expanded dragon his human, getting a hair nuzzle.  "He's fine.  Just needs a nap."  The dragon cooed and pulled Xander onto the bed, shrinking down to cuddle him.  "Good."  He left, going to the control room.  "Any hope they were alone?"

"I'm hoping that really ancient, huge hive wasn't an indication," John admitted.

The ancient watching looked at him.  "What did they beam over?"

"It's something called a life vine.  Xander found it during his travels.  If you put it on a space ship, it sucks all the air out of it."  He stared in horror.  John shrugged.  "It's very useful."

"I can see why.  It is very cruel."

"They feed on people.  They were going to attack us and cull us as food.  I'm not going to let that happen."  The stargate opened and the computers all beeped.  Then it closed.  "Must be new email day.  Chuck, what came in?"

"A lot of emails, sir, and two for you.  Official from General O'Neill."

"Thanks."  He went into his office to open them.

Rodney smiled at the ancient.  "I created a compression formula so we could send information back to earth without using a lot of energy."  He walked him off.  "I'll check mine in a bit."

The ancients shared a look.  This was not their ways.  It was almost obscene.

John came into the lab a bit later with Kissen and Jon Tyler-O'Neill.  "I have news and I have orders."  Faith peeked in.  "C'mon.  It involves you."  She walked in and stared at him.  "First, Kiseen, you're being moved from team 25 to SGA-14.  You have half a team already, and you're adding this one," he said with a point at Faith.  She gasped.  "They are mostly diplomatic but you know how things are."  He looked at Faith.  "As you get better and pass boot camp, you can start going through the gate but you have to keep up your classes.  Agreed?"

"Yeah," she breathed.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem," he assured her with a smile.  "You're a huge help up here, Faith.  We like you for who you are, not what you can do."  He looked at Jon, then at Kissen.  "As for your old team, SG-25 is on temporary assignment up here for the next five months.  Lieutenant Colonel Tyler, you're now in command and there is news from the Pentagon."

"Beyond my rank raise?"  He took the email to read, then burst out laughing.  "He might run."

"I figure he might," he agreed.  "We're doing it there in a week."  He looked at Kissen.  "Due to the plague shield, Xander was awarded a commendation and a Medal of Honor."  Kissen beamed.  "For that little battle afterward, he received a purple heart and another commendation.  If he was enlisted, he'd be jumped a few by now.  You, Tilla, Kissen, and Fischer were all also awarded medals, which is why you jumped rank."  He handed that one over too, smirking now.  "You're to show up in a week for it."

"Yes, sir, I can do that," he said dryly.  "I hate medals."

John smirked.  "I should tell them about earlier."

"You do and they'll make Xander go back to Colorado."

"Good point.  By the way, Miss Summers will still be around then.  Apparently this apocalypse isn't a one-shot one."

"I can go help," Faith offered quietly.

"She has two SEAL units and a unit of Army Rangers, Faith."  She beamed at that.  "Yeah, the private email I got said she's hitting on all of them."  He saluted and Jon and Kissen saluted back.  "Tell the others."  They went to do that.  He smirked at Rodney and Radek.  "How is her school stuff going?"

"Excellent," Radek promised.  "She has made good progress."

"Good.  Keep me in the loop."  He walked off.  Xander could swear when he woke up.  Though he'd probably have a clothing fit since he didn't have a dress uniform.

***

Xander looked at the mini-general the next morning after he quit swearing about the medals.  "What do I wear?"

"Clothes?"

"I was ordered to continue doing that anyway," he said dryly.  "To get the medals?"

"Uniform?"

"Civilian Specialist," he pointed out, then sipped his soda.

"Suit, tie?"

"Fuck no and fuck no?  Well, I own a few but no."

"Leather pants are always appropriate," Ronon said as he sat down.  "Why are we arguing about clothes?"

"I have to accept medals, Ronon.  They're going to *reward* me."  The bigger warrior laughed, clapping him on the back.  "Since I don't have a uniform to wear because I'm not enlisted, I have to figure out what to wear.  And who is going to take care of my nursery in that time?"

"You don't have the energy to undo and then redo your office," Jon pointed out.

"I know, and that sucks.  I miss my nursery and my books and my lounging couch.  And if I find that one bitch on it again I'm going to beat her ass."

"Daniel said he was feeding your plants, even the ones in the tiny nursery.  Dawn's been helping him," Jon assured him.  "So has Fischer's crush."  Xander shuddered.  "What did she do to your lounging couch?"

"She had dirty, nasty dreams on it.  I'm the only one allowed to do that.  It stunk too.  She sweated and got female fluids on it and all that."

"Eww, TMI over breakfast," Jon complained.

"You asked."

"I'll quit if you will."  Xander smirked at that.  "They should give you enough time to change, hug Dawn, and check on your office."

Xander sighed.  "If the spells are warped because of something I might have to take them down and redo them.  I think Willow was trying to help," he said at Jon's look at him.

"Perhaps," he admitted.  "We'll see."  Xander nodded, getting back into his food.  That was good to see him doing on his own without nagging.  "What sort of suits do you have?"

"The Doctor said I needed suits so he sicced Donna on me to buy some."  He stuffed his mouth.  "That's strange.  The telltale I have on my office just went off."  He checked his wrist, then sighed and went to find it.  It'd make him ache but oh well.  "Going to see who just fucked up in my space," he called into the lab as he walked past it.  He got outside because he couldn't mute the flash this time.  He landed in the general's office.  "Who's in my office?"

"I don't know," he admitted, staring at him.  "Are you better?"

"Slightly."  He walked down there, grabbing someone by the back of their neck.  "What the hell are you doing?"  She screamed.  He slammed her forehead into a wall.  "Bitch."  He walked in there and sighed, sending everything to a new doorway.  Then he sucked in the spells and redid them, giving himself a bit more room this time.  His chairs had been cramped.

"You can't!" she shouted.

He took off his shirt and pointed at a mark on his shoulder.  "Really?  You think?"  She gasped, backing away from him.  "My training master didn't see a problem with it.  So shut your hole, bitch."  He pulled everything back from that temporary doorway and it all settled nicely into place.  He checked, his nursery was fine.  He checked his library.  Dawn and Daniel were fine.  Dawn gave him a rib crushing hug.  "Hey, munchkin."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too."  He kissed her on the head.  "But I'm not supposed to be here."  She pouted.  "One week and then there's a medal thingy."  He shrugged.  "Take good care of my plants.  I can't replace most of them outside of the ones in Botany."

"I will."  She beamed.  "You have latin porn?"

"Yeah, and got in trouble for moaning in here to drive someone off."  He went to stop her before she did it again, taking the small instrument and tossing it to the floor so he could stomp on it.  Then he smiled sweetly and pulled out down a single headed axe.  "Why are you in this facility?  You're not wearing military clothes.  Are you supposed to be here?"

"No, she's not," Landry said from the hallway.  "Guards."  The MP's stepped forward to take her.  "Xander, she's Area 51."

"Ah."  Xander smiled sweetly at her again.  "I'll destroy your petty project and then cackle.  I can buy your whole base and then fire every last one of you that doesn't have ethics."

"You can't do this to your office!"

"I can so.  They gave me a closet for an office.  It wasn't very comfortable."  She sneered.  He smacked her on the cheek with the axe, knocking her unconscious and to the floor.  "That's better.  Now let's see who you really are."  He unhid her spells, making the MP's give him horrified looks.  He waited until she woke up and smiled, wiggling his fingers.  "Did you not hear I was Buffy's backup?"

"You'll fail," she sneered, standing up again.  "We won't let you succeed."

"You've already failed, demon.  Really."  He swung and took her head off.  It was still trying to talk.  He smirked and punted it up the hallway.  Then he got the spot on the body that killed it.  The head was still alive through and trying to swear at him.  "Dawnie?"  She came out.  "Burn it."

"Sure.  Head and all?"

"No, let it swear for a bit.  She might regenerate her body in a few months' time."  He cleaned the axe off on his t-shirt and looked at the stunned MP's.  "Demon," he said with a point.  "I used to hunt the bad of their kind.  They *really* hate to see me succeed."  They nodded and took a step back.  "Chill, guys.  I'm peaceful if you are.  She was trying to ruin my office."  He put the axe back and looked at the general.  "I hate suits and ties and medals."

"Tough."

"Leather?"

"Decent clothes," he said with a sigh.  "How many more are on base, Harris?"

"Twenty-three and they're all peaceful sorts.  Most of them are Marines."  That got a grimace but a nod.  "She's a bitch.  Her whole species are bitches.  They're going to get me up their asses in a few weeks."  He smiled sweetly at him.  "I hate bitches."

"No wonder you let someone else deal with Willow then," Dawn said dryly.  "Should I burn her here, General?"

"No.  We have an  incinerator.  What about her head?"  He looked at it.  It was still swearing.  "Should we take any precautions?"

"It might grow a new body," Xander offered.  "No idea otherwise.  If she wants to she can toss it in with the rest."

"I'd rather she didn't."  He looked inside.  "Nice job, Harris."

"Thank you."

"Xander, you have a suit," Dawn pointed out.  "I did your laundry for you."

"From the twenty-ninth century."

"Never mind."

"Leather."  He nodded with a grin.  "I need a new pair.  I lost weight."  He sighed.  "And I need to bring stuff up there.  I don't even have my brand of soap."  He gave the general puppy eyes.

"Take her with you.  She wanted to hug you some more probably.  Jackson too if he's not busy."

"I'm looking for a reference," Daniel called.  "I don't go into leather shops since Vala dragged me, General."

"Take Vala," he decided.  "Do not let her shoplift."  He nodded ad they went to gather her once the pieces were in the incinerator.   Landry went to have a few tums.  The MP's asked for the day off to get drunk, which he approved of, and it might go okay.

***

John Sheppard looked at the boy as he reappeared in the control room.  "That was a long trip to save your office," he said dryly.

"The Doc didn't even bring me shampoo.  I'm clearly borrowing since it smells like flowers."  He grinned.  "Dawn helped.  We even picked out something for the medal ceremony.  Without war paint."  He carried his six bags off.  The last one he had to come back and get.

John shook his head.  "It's good he's feeling better," he decided.  Doctor Keller got sent to check him over about twenty minutes later when Rodney found him sprawled, still dressed, on his bed.  So maybe he was still in the napping phase of recovery.  Though, shopping with a teenage girl could do that to a body.

***

Xander came down the ramp at Stargate Command, nodding at those gathered.  "Sirs," he said, doing a perfect salute.

The general blinked.  He was in dark brown leather pants that were nearly too tight to look at comfortably.  A black t-shirt.  And an earring.  "Body jewelry?"

"It marks my status as an adult.  One of the places I went made me take a manhood test.  Talk about pain."

"Would you like to change, son?" Landry asked.

Xander looked at himself then at him.  "No.  Why?  It's a hunting outfit.  Suitable for off-world missions because the leather will act as light body armor and the packs fit easier on it.  I was advised not to wear my weapons today, General."

The general nodded.  "That's a good idea.  You sure?  The boots comfortable?  All that?"

"I broke them in earlier."

"Fine."  He looked at the rest of the team.  They were in dress uniforms.  "Meeting room."  They went up there.  He walked off shaking his head.

"Good, you put back on those five pounds," Dawn said with a grin.  "Ooooh," she said, staring at the rest of the team.  "Wow."  Xander pinched her.  "Hey!  I can appreciate!"

"Do it without the drool," he said dryly.

"Nope, won't happen."  She wiped it off though.  Jon just smirked at her.  Yeah, she had her first real swooning crush.  "Are you single?"

"Very at this point in time but I'm not looking."

"Damn."

"Sorry.  There's things you don't know."

Xander nudged him.  "Remember when I told you about that thing that you might have to guard for me some day if I'm on Atlantis?"  He nodded slowly.  "That's Dawn."

"Oh!"  He shook her hand.  "Then I'm still single and not looking at this time but you're too young for me being jailbait."  She beamed at that.  "When you've joined, then see me if I'm single."

"I can do that."

Jack cleared his throat.  "Do I get to know?"

"No," Xander said.

"Fine.  Do you want to change?"

"It's a good hunting outfit.  Even Ronon and Teyla liked it."

"That doesn't really surprise me," he sighed.  "Fine."  Everyone else came in and he preformed the medal ceremony.   The kid's went on his Atlantis leather jacket.  It went well with the outfit.  The brown was just dark enough to go well with the black leather.  He saluted, they saluted, Dawn squealed and pounced Xander.  It was a good day.  They went to the mess to eat.

Cam Mitchell and Sam Carter walked in together, chatting.  "Wow, dress clothes," he said.  "And Xander in leather."

"Medals," Xander said.  "You can join us.  I'm not biting today."

"Protect me from the young one there?" Cam teased.

She looked him over.  "You are fine but so much too old for me," she said with a smile.  "Even if you're like God's gift to virgins, not happening."

Cam laughed.  "Not hardly though I am a pilot."

She shrugged.  "Top Gun was gay."  He nodded at that, letting Sam get them food.  "He's had a lot of gay movies.  Interview with the Vampire, which totally sucked on the illogical side."

"There's no such thing as vampires," one of the linguists said.

"Don't make me take you to Sunnydale," Xander said bluntly.  He knew the crew that had been helping Buffy had reported for briefing and begging for help.  He huffed.  "So, have you actually done your own work?  Or do I have to find my very special panther skin whip?"  The linguists all shrank down.  He beamed.  "Because I'm not going to be back for months.  Someone's got to do the work."

"Why do you have something made in panther skin?" Cam asked.  He took his tray from Sam, who sat a bit up the table on Jon's other side.

"It was a gift at my manhood ceremony.  The tribe that made me do one decided I was more than good enough for it and marking."

"I saw the earring," Dawn teased.

"Same people.  I nearly got a huge tattoo too."

"Spike got one recently," Dawn told him.  "It's a small stake with blood."

He rolled his eyes.  "How is his thing with Buffy?"

"People told me it was gross so I couldn't talk about it."

"Good point."  He dug in.  She looked and moved things before eating.  "It's really good food, Dawn."

"I got into the dried snacks," she said.  "Eww, Xander."

"They're kinda tasty," he admitted with a grin.

"I noticed that but still...ewww."

"Eating," Cam and Jon complained.

"Fine, I'll share that later."

"If it's that bad, don't," Cam ordered.

She stuck her tongue out at him.   "Spike told me I'm an evil, torturing wench."

"Is that why you had the crush on him?" Sam asked.

She glared.  "No!  It's because he's nice, sweet, very good to his girlfriends that I've seen, and he's a nice guy.  Every woman should have a man like Xander in their lives.  That way they could balance out the work stuff with the pleasure stuff and the life stuff to make them happier.  Like Anya was when she wanted to be."

"We drove Anya away once," Cam told her.

"We heard.  You took away her orgasms.  She was not a happy former demon."  She looked at Xander.  "I saw Cordelia."

"Yeah, we did too.  Apparently her bosses aren't happy."

"Yay them," she said sarcastically.  "They need to be on Anya's orgasm plan too."

"Eww, no one would have them."

"Probably true," she admitted.  Then she added ketchup and pepper to her eggs before eating them.  "So, going back?"

"Six months."

"Damn."

"I can get emails.  Quit swearing too."

"That's good!  We miss your tired, oversexed butt."

"Yeah, I need a new boyfriend or girlfriend," he admitted, digging in again.

She looked at Cam.  "Well, you said you're a pilot so therefore you do gay things with joysticks, right?"

"Not, not really."

"Crap."  Jon was choking.  Sam was trying to help him.  "If not, can you find him someone decent?"

"We've been looking," Sam assured her.

Xander looked down at her.  "Teyla introduced me to a nice young woman but she decided that since I couldn't have kids she didn't want me."

"I don't blame her.  Their society is too small to have non-breeders."

"I think her thing was more that she wasn't feeling the bad girl vibe," Xander admitted.

Cam shook his head.  "We need to find you a good, steady, someone," he agreed.

"Speaking of, is she giving you problems again?" Xander asked.

"Who?" Sam asked.

"Adria."

"We haven't seen or heard about her in weeks," Cam admitted.

"Good.  Hopefully by the time I get back I can handle her again."

"We all hope so," Daniel promised.

Jon finally calmed down.  "Dawn, most pilots aren't gay.  No matter how bad that movie was."

She shrugged.  "All I know is you guys play with joysticks a lot.  Flying, video games."  She stuffed her mouth at Xander's look.  "Buffy's new tape said they are."

"When did your sister loosen up enough to buy smut?" he countered.

"I don't know but Mom giggled her butt off about it."  She stuffed her mouth again.

"Really, pilots are often the most wanted of all military guys," Jon told her.

She shrugged.  "How would I know?  Buffy doesn't even want me to date.  Plus I had to hear Anya tell me *six times* what boys are good for."

"I think we can correct that," Sam said firmly.  "Clearly she gave you the wrong talk, young lady."

Dawn looked down at her.  "I did get a lot of opinions on who's more fun.  Plus not to get pregnant because it'd suck and screw up my life majorly."

Xander nodded.  "Yes it will when I lead you both to the altar at gunpoint."  She sighed, shaking her head.  "Not kidding," he assured her.  She pouted.  He stared back.  "Not even Joyce will stop me if you get knocked up.  I'll let her sob about how pretty we make you but you'll go with a nine mil in your scalp.  He'll go the same way."

"You make such a good big brother," she teased.

"Yes I do."  He smirked.  "The same as if Daniel or Sam will introduce you to nice guys I'll make sure those boys know not to touch you yet."

"I'm sure they won't," Sam assured him.  "There's a few younger sons of the soldiers around here.  We can see where they let their kids go for clean fun.  Because I'm not going to let you date.  Your mom would be pissed."

Dawn shrugged.  "Not really.  Buffy would be pissed but she was going on dates at my age.  She had a boyfriend she didn't sleep with."

"You're fifteen.  You're a few months younger than when she met Angel," Xander said quietly.

"No thanks.  Love like that maybe.  Angel dating, no.  I'm not into Angel's angsty type.  Broody does not do it for me."

"Back then he was dark, mysterious, popped up to give cryptic advice then disappeared.  He wore a leather jacket.  He was the broody bad boy figure."

She snorted.  "Give me a cleaner boy who doesn't use that much gel any day."

Xander nodded at Cam.  "Talk to him about any friends' sons."  She pouted at him.

He smirked.  "If you behave, maybe."  She gave him a hug.  "Thanks, sprout."

"I'm not that short.  Buffy's shorter than I am now," she said proudly.

"Yes she is," Xander agreed.  "Is that my shirt?"

She looked then nodded.  "Yup."  She beamed.  "Your cologne smells good and you are just like my nagging big brother."

"Good point.  As long as I get it back sometime."  He ate another bite.  "Daniel, I got to teach Teyla's people how to make pemican."

Daniel looked down at him.  "Ancient power bars?"

"The modern ones are gross."

"Yeah, but pemican isn't much better," Cam pointed out.  "We had some on that one trip when we got trapped in that cave."

"Next time, bring more food then," Xander said dryly.

"I will next time."  He ate another bite.  "I know there's a teen club downtown."

"We have an all-ages club in town," Xander told him, looking at Dawn.  "But when I clubbed in town, they thought I was too intense."

"I learned how to dance like Buffy."

"So you dick tease?" Xander asked dryly.

"Yes."  She looked at him.  "I'm sensing a Scoobie story?"

"She did it to make Angel jealous."

"My sister is not always the nicest creature on the earth," she pointed out dryly.  Then she ate a bite of meat.  "I'm nicer and yet a bigger protective bitch of what's mine."

He smiled.  "Good.  A woman should be protective of what's hers."

"Any girl steps up on what's mine, I'm going to beat her," she agreed.  She smiled at Sam.  "I'm sure you're like that."

"I haven't dated in a while but yeah, I am."  She smiled at her team.  "I've had to beat up on a few things to protect the team."

"Good.  That's a smart woman trait.  Now all I need to do is find someone to be mine."

"You're fifteen," Xander reminded her.  "You've got years."

"Fine."  She dug in again, concentrating on her plate.

Cam patted her on the back.  "There's a lot of men out there and most of them will grow up to be decent."

She looked at him.  "Yeah but at our ages, they suck.  They're more concerned about panty points and bases than a real woman-to-be."

"Yeah, you'll get that through college," Cam assured her with a grin.  "Men start realizing panty points are boring and pathetic sometime in their undergrads."

"Promise?"

"Yup."

"Damn, I guess I'll have to play until then."

Xander snorted, shaking his head.  "Hell no."

"Sam, did you have that problem?"

"My dad was career military, Dawn.   I only dated military boys and he met them with his sidearm and they knew he could kill them.  I was in college before a boy was anything but respectful to me."

"There's respectful groping?" Daniel asked.

"They asked permission and took no for an answer," she said dryly.  "Mostly because they knew my father would beat them to death."

"We have the shovel method in the Scoobies," Xander assured her, smiling at Dawn.

"I know," she assured him.  "You'll beat whoever doesn't treat me well with a shovel."

"Yup."  He ate another bite then looked at his tray.  "What is that?"

"Citrus," Cam said dryly.  "I know Atlantis has to not serve any."

"They do, they just keep things separate for Rodney's sake."  He looked at Dawn.  "You'd like him and John.  John's like a big brother and Rodney's like a fun, mean uncle."

"Cool.  I hope I meet them some day."  She smirked.  "And anyone cute up there."

"Plenty of cuteness who'd see you as jailbait," Jon assured her.

"I'm not *that* young," she complained.

"Yeah," he snorted.  "I'm sure.  You're fifteen."

"I could be a mother twice over in some countries and married too."

"Don't make me go defend those women's rights," Xander said dryly.  She smirked back.  "Thou shalt not marry yet.  Or have kids."

"I'm not ready for them yet," she assured him.

"Good!  Because I'm not ready to be an uncle."

She smiled.  "Of course you are since you're like my big brother."  She noticed a few people watching them and tapped, then nodded.  He rolled his eyes.  "You sure?"

"Very."  He stood up.  "Guys, this is my near-little-sister, Dawn," he announced, pointing at her.  "She is fifteen but may flirt.  Assholes who treat her badly will be sparring with me.  Those who she likes and flirts with, as long as they're nice and decent to her, I don't care.  She could use more people to be around who're decent.  Her sister's a warrior, her mom's wonderful, and she's not used to a lot of people."  She smiled and waved.  "Let me know if there's a problem."  He sat down.  "There, that takes care of any problems."

"So we can flirt with her?" one guy called.

"As long as you don't plan to follow through for at least a year," Xander called back.  "You're decent, not pushy, and don't upset her."

"Thanks, Harris.  I knew you liked us," another guy called.

Cam looked over.  "She thinks all pilots are gay like Top Gun."

A few guys moaned at that.  "So let's teach her better."

"She's been in the simulator and might have some skills there," Sam offered.  They cheered.  "But she's Daniel's protégé."  That got a few boos.

"Oh, please!  She'll be the next me," Xander said dryly.  "Multi-skilled and will learn self-defense along with other skills that'll come in handy."  He looked around.  "There he is."  He got up and nodded.  She followed.  He walked her over.  "Teal'c, this is Dawn.  She's like my little sister.  As you can tell, she's pretty and needs to learn how to beat the boys off her hip hugger jeans now.  Before she's legal."

He looked her over.  "I have seen her working on a punching bag.  She could use some pointers."

"I'd consider it a favor if you could help her while I'm gone."

Teal'c nodded, smiling at her.  "I will treat her like my own daughter."

"Thanks, big guy."  He hugged him then walked her back.  "Starting tomorrow, you start working with him at least an hour," he told her.  "That way I don't have to worry when you go home too."

"Yes, big brother."  She smiled.  "You really are overprotective."

"I will go back to Sunnydale and blow the hell out of all the harmful things," he assured her quietly.  "I can build something that will take out vampires.  Every last one."

She hugged him.  "I love you too."  She sat down again, smiling at Daniel.  "Would that be okay?"

"I think it'd be a good idea," he assured her.  "Teal'c is very good and helps a lot of the Marines on base."

"Good.  I hope we can make me good enough to come up here and push all the space bimbos off Xander's butt."

Xander smirked.  "Mostly it's been ex's."

"Pity.  You need cuddles."

"If we can find someone, we will," Jon assured her.  She beamed at him.  "Eat before you shrink."  She snorted but did dig in again.  He saw Carter and Daniel share a look but it'd be fine.  The kid had just kept a lot of the more morally loose people on the base from touching Dawn.

***

Xander came back and took off his jacket, holding it up.  John Sheppard smirked at that.  "Boxing is appropriate?"

"Yeah.  They make medal boxes for showing them off.  Anything else happen?"

"I warned the whole base Dawn is 15 and they'd better be respectful or we'd be sparring."  Faith cackled at that.  "Seriously.  Though she does think all pilots are gay after Top Gun and Buffy's pilot porn."  He walked off.  John was groaning.  The others were coming behind him.  He held up his jacket when he ran into Rodney, earning a smirk.  "Way too many."

"Probably.   You need a way to display those."

"Box in a drawer?"

"That might work but it would be respectful."

Xander nodded.   "I hate being rewarded for things that had to be done."  He went to drop his jacket in his room.  The medals were all carefully stored in a fabric pouch inside his bag.  Then he realized it had spell supplies so he took it out, wiping off one before it finished corroding.  They went into his underwear and sock drawer once he was sure they were cleaned off.  He pulled them back out to make sure of it.  Then he looked around and blipped back so he wouldn't insult anyone by leaving it in there. That was better and no paradox.  Even if that would be considered selfish.   He laid down and let Armand nuzzle him.  "Okay, let's nap then we'll see if we can visit."

Someone pounded on his door.  "Harris!" they called.

"It's open," he called back.  They stomped in.  He stared.  "What?"

"You got *medals*?" he demanded.

Xander nodded.  "Yeah, for that shield thingy and then for losing my temper with my battle axe on a few units of Ori."

"Excuse me?  You're not enlisted!"

"I still kept a biological attack from spreading."  The soldier stomped out.  He shrugged, then shook his head, mentally ordering the door to lock.  He and Armand got comfy again.  He didn't care if the soldier told everyone he used Armand as a teddybear or not.

***

John Sheppard came out of his office to stop the screaming.  "What the hell is your problem!" he shouted over them.

"Harris got *medals*!" one of the people yelling complained.  "He's not even military!"

"Yeah, he held a shield over a building where an alien plague had just been released for nearly an hour until someone could get containment shields up."  John crossed his arms over his chest.  "Then he came back from that, went back to his off-world mission, where they ran into Ori troops, where he went into a battle rage and wiped out *two* troops with a battle axe."  The soldiers shuddered. "He didn't want it.  They made him take it."

"He's still not military," the soldier huffed.  "He uses his pet as a teddybear!"  He pointed toward that tower.  "He's a geek!"

"Geeks get medals too," John assured him.   "He got a Medal of Honor.  That's *congressional* not military."  The soldier slumped.  "Get over it.  If you want one, go do something like that."  The soldier stomped off.  He looked at the other one.  "I expect better."

"I was trying to get him calmed down, sir."

"I don't care."

"Yes, sir."  He walked off too.

John went to check on the kid, getting him something from the lab.  He knew the kid wouldn't take care of the medals.  He tapped on his door when the 'doorbell' didn't get answered.  "Xander?"   The door opened.  He walked in.  "Hey."  Xander blinked sleepily at him.  "Medal polish.  If you let them rust, it's an insult."

"I made sure I didn't put them in the spell herb bag."

"Let me see them."  Xander pointed.  He dug them out of the boy's socks, looking them over.  "You can put this stuff on them and put them in a show case or a covered box and only look at them once a year."  Xander came over to look.  "Was that rusted?"

"Spell bag bad."  He got a spare toothbrush and helped him.  They put them on a pair of socks and that would work.  He got patted and grinned.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  Find a nice box.  Like a velvet lined box."

"I have one but it's had spell stuff and might keep eating through it."

"Didn't you get any others?"

"Nope."

"Damn."  He smiled.  "I've got a few if you want to see how to hide them in a sock drawer without sacrificing socks."  Xander grinned.  "You okay?"

"Just tired."

"Good.  Nap."  He clapped him on the back, leaving the polish there.  "Put more on that spot of rust later so you don't have to later on."  He went to send a message back to the main base that the kid needed a box to store them because one already had a little bit of rust.  He got back a suggestion and said he had done that.  He got one from O'Neill saying he'd send him a box.  John settled down to deal with other jealous people.  He did not want to deal with the anti-geek sentiments.

***

Xander turned while sparring with Teyla when he felt someone coming up behind him in the gym.  He blocked the attack and kicked them back, attacking now.  Teyla was calling for help.  A few more marines came in and helped that first one attack him.  John rushed in as Xander took down the next-to-last but that one tried to get in a lucky blow from the side.  Xander ducked it and got him in the side with the stick he had been sparring with.  He panted, looking at them.  "Why were we this fucking stupid!" he demanded.  "I could've killed your asses!"  Teyla moved up behind him.  "Don't," he said quietly.  She backed off.  He stared at them.  "What the fucking hell were you thinking, Marine?" he demanded.

"I don't answer to you," he said with a wince and a hiss as he tried to move.

"You do answer to me," John said coldly.  "I'd like that answer too."

"He's a geek!" one of them panted loudly.  "Not a soldier!"

"I've been in more wars than you have."  Xander turned and threw the sticks then took off his t-shirt.  "Do you think people earn scars like this some other way?"  He unhid them and they all winced and looked away.  "When I was traveling, I got into more than a few wars.  Including one to save this city from the Ori.  Even if I wasn't here then."  He kicked one of them over, staring at him.  "Do you think I'm still *just* a geek?" he asked dryly.

The guy tried to do a foot sweep but Xander managed to keep his balance and stomped on his chest, making him gasp and then keen in pain.  "Xander!" John ordered.  "Stand down.  Let me handle this."

Xander backed up.  "Please."

John looked at him.  "What happened to your right ribs by your armpit?"

He looked then at him.  "Claw."  He rehid them and put back on his t-shirt.  "Teyla, I'm sorry, I'm a bit pissed and I don't want to hurt you in sparring."  He bowed to her and gathered the sticks, handing them to her.  He walked out.

John got the doctor down there.  "Doctor Keller, these idiots just attacked CS Harris, who kicked their asses.  That one got stomped very hard."  She checked him first.  "They're going to be talking to a general as soon as you're done."

"That's fine.  It'll be days for this one."  She called her staff to come get him.  The others could walk.  That one had a broken breastbone and it could kill him if one of the ribs punctured the lungs or the heart.  She followed.

John stared at their backs then looked at Teyla.  "You okay?"

"The one he stomped on snuck up behind him and he felt it somehow.  He turned to defend himself and beat them badly."  She wiped down the sticks and put them back, looking at him again.  "Xander is very upset."

"He's in the lab.  Rodney called to let me know.  If we need you to, can you testify?"  She nodded.  "Thank you."  He walked off.  He went to the labs.  "Xander, write me a report for their charges," he said from the doorway.  Xander looked at him.  "Please."

"I think they learned," he said quietly.  "We can't lose five Marines for this."

"I can get them replaced.  Write me a report."  He walked off.

Rodney handed him a pen and a notebook from Radek's stack.  "Sit in your usual spot and write it.  He was serious."

"He didn't look like a renegade wizard," he said dryly.

"If anyone's a wizard, it's probably him," Radek joked back.  "What happened?"

"Some of the Marines thought I was too much of a geek."  He sat down to write it out for John.  Though he did state that he didn't want to press charges because they couldn't replace the Marines immediately so they might need them.  Rodney took it and corrected a few words then handed it back with an evil smirk.  "Yes, Mean Uncle Rodney," he sighed, redoing it so it was more grammatically correct.  Then he tore it off and took it up to the office.  John took it, glancing over it.  "I don't think we should press charges."

"One tried to say you attacked him unfairly.  He was only there to help break up the fight."

"Well, they were rushing at us, so yeah I attacked.  If they were there to break us up, it didn't look like it to me."

"Or Teyla."  He put it down.  "Are you all right?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just advertised that you've spent more time than humanly possible."

Xander shrugged.  "Most of the guys know that."  He heard stomping and looked back at Jon.  "We're okay."

"What happened?" Jon asked John.  "Is Xander in trouble?"

"No.  He was defending himself.  He was just brutal in it."  He looked at them.  "Go do team training.  It's been a while so make sure he's ready for off-world things.  We're going to a world where Genii might be."

Jon nodded.  "We can do that."  He pulled on Xander's arm, taking him with him.  He paged Fischer and Tilla to work with them.  Xander pointed at a balcony.  "Sure, we can do that."  He got them routed there.  "Let's start with hand code," he said once they were there.  "We're going to a place Genii trade too."  They all nodded.  Xander kept getting one mixed up but Jon associated it better and it was better.

11: Making The Bad Guys Bend Over And Take It

Tilla came through the gate the next day, stumbling.  Fischer followed and the gate shut.  He groaned and passed out.

"Medical team to the gateroom," John called, going down to check on them.  "Tilla, report," he said since she was awake.

She blinked at him.  "Genii wanted ATA carriers," she said in a near-hoarse breath.  "They're being taken to the fringe group's world.  Xander is beyond pissed but Jon told him not to do anything."

"Why?" he asked, moving for the doctor.

"That way they'd know where it was."  She swallowed.  "Ow," she said when the doctor touched her shoulder.  "Take Fischer.  They weren't nice.  I can walk, he can't."

"Okay," she agreed, checking on that one.

Tilla looked at John.  "I don't know what they had planned, sir."

He helped her stay sitting.  "We'll find them."  She nodded.  The doctors got to her and took them off.  He called the top teams to meet with him.  Woolsey was looking worried.  "The Genii have Jon Tyler-O'Neill and CS Harris.  They wanted ATA carriers.  They're taking them to the splinter group's present world."

"We can gear up."

"We don't know which one is theirs," another one said.

"Yet," John corrected.  "Rodney, can we go there and get it off the DHD?"

"Yes.  I hope."  John nodded at that.  The others went to gear up.  They were meeting to go to the place they had been taken from when the stargate opened and Jon got shoved through.  He was cut up, bloody, and nearly unconscious.  Medics that were going with him got him out of the way.  "Where is it, Chuck?"

"A world they use for blind trading," he called down.  "Colonel, they're sending an audio feed."

John jogged up there to get it.  "This is Colonel John Sheppard.  You have our linguist.  I want him back, now, alive."  The person laughed and told him it was not going to happen.  "We will not allow you to keep him.  If we have to launch a full assault, so be it."  He heard something in the background and winced at the screaming.  "Go!" he ordered, heading down there to help.  There were about twenty Genii around the gate.  Not for long but they had been there.  They let the guy that got grazed stay there to hold the gate.  They advanced to the main base.  They ran into a few more.  They made it to the base and Ronon winced.  "What?" he asked him quietly.

"Xander's gotten a bladed weapon I believe.  There's a lot of screaming and some of it is his."  They advanced once the guards were down.  They ran in and found the guy who had called.  He was still screaming in fear.  Xander had went through a few guards with the two knives he had.  One was slightly longer than the other but he held them like they were natural to his hands.

"Ronon, get him, evacuate him.  The rest of you, destroy the base."  He grabbed the supposed leader and handcuffed him.  They'd deal with him or hand him to the main Genii.

Ronon walked carefully toward Xander, seeing him in that special, scary mental place.  "Xander?" he asked calmly.  Xander looked at him.  "You're injured.  Come so Armand can fuss."

"He's not right if he has no woman!" one of the barely living complained.  Xander threw one of the knives and killed him.

"Nice shot," Ronon said, moving closer.  Xander snarled but sniffed.  "C'mon.  We'll get you treated."

"They have Jon and the others," he snarled.  "They'll learn not to fuck with my team."

"We have them back.  They sent them through the gate."

"They still probably hurt them."

"We can check," John promised, moving closer.  "C'mon.  Time to evac."  Xander sighed, then he shifted and winced.  "I know.  Ronon, he's your only priority, even if we get wraith suddenly."  He nodded, helping Xander out of the area.   John looked at the medics.  "Any living ones?"

"A few hiding."

"Leave 'em.  Their people can have them."  She nodded, walking out with him.  They retreated back to the city.  He went to the infirmary.  "Keller, did they do something to them?  Xander thought they were hurt beyond being beaten."

"I can scan them."  She did that and grimaced.  "Yes."  She scanned the others, then Xander.  "He's free, just in really poor shape."

"Can you handle it?"

"No," she said.  "Not with what we have here."

"Okay.  Get the main base," he ordered over the comm.  "What?"  She showed him.  "They have implanted explosives.  Any sign of triggers?"

"How would I know?  I know nothing about explosives."

"Good point."  He went back to the main area.  "Are they on?"

"Yes," Rodney said.  "Why?"

"General," he said, looking at the picture.  "Lieutenant Tyler, Major Tilla, and Dr. Fischer were taken by the splinter Genii a few hours ago.  They were beaten fairly badly and implanted with an explosive device.  Doctor Keller said she cannot handle it.  We need a bomb tech and some help if you can."

"CS Harris?" he asked calmly.

"Beaten fairly badly but he also managed to lose his temper with two daggers."

"I'll get them as soon as I can," he agreed.  "Give me an hour.  Send me the information or scans."

"Doctor Keller, we have a connection to the main base."  The computer beeped.  "From her?"

"Yes, sir," Chuck said.

"There, General."

"I have it," he said.  "Give me an hour, Colonel."  He hung up.  Chuck shut down their connection.  "Let's put a shield around the infirmary.  Initiate the things we put in order from when Carson got killed," he said quietly.

"Already done, sir."

"Good."  He left, going to find the others.  Ronon was in there.  "Ronon, all non-essential personnel are to be out of here in case they go off," he said quietly.

"No."

"We need everyone safe, Ronon."

He looked at him.  "Xander will not leave either.  That is his team.  I'm making sure he doesn't go off again, at his request."

John sighed, nodding.  "Fine.   Step back and away from the ones with the bombs.  Him too, Doc."

She nodded.  "I have a shield around their beds, Colonel."

"He said an hour."

"Thank you."  He nodded, staying for a minute.  "You're violating your own orders," she pointed out.

He nodded.  "I'm in charge, I can do that."  She grimaced.  "Will he go off again?"

"No."

"When he's done, move him at least to safety."

"No," Xander said.  "They're my team.  I'm not leaving them."

"They could explode," John pointed out.

"And?"  He shrugged.  Then he hissed.

"Let me finish your stitching, Xander."  He nodded, staring at them.  "They'll be fine."

"Maybe," he said quietly.  "Thank you, Ronon."

"I can stay.  They deserve it."  He looked at John.  "You are too valuable to risk."

"I'm the military commander.  I need to be here."  He stared at Xander.  "I'll be here, Ronon.  Get them away from the door.  I know too many are too close."  Ronon nodded, staring at Xander.  "I can handle him," he said quietly.

"Xander?"  He nodded.  "All right."  He went to shoo everyone else away.  "They were implanted with something explosive," he noted.  "Sheppard said to clear the hallway.  Now."  They left.  He waited, staring at Xander.  The boy's temper was still high and he wanted to kill someone for doing this to his team.

***

O'Neill looked around as he appeared in Landry's office.  He put his coffee pot on the heating coil in there after pouring himself some.  He looked at Landry.  "Bad news or worse news?"

"The splinter Genii implanted Jon with an explosive device before tossing him back through the gate to Atlantis.  They tried to keep Harris but Sheppard said he lost his temper."

"Good for him.  Who'm I going with?"

"The doctors and our bomb squad person is going."  He nodded, finishing his coffee on the way to the gateroom.  He saw Cam kicking a wall.  "It'll be fine.  His team is tougher than this."

Cam stared at him.  "What?"

"Why are you kicking the wall, Mitchell?"

"Vala is pushing my buttons today and it's this or I take a swing at her."

"Ah.  That's fine.  I've done the same thing thanks to Danny.  Try a punching bag."

"I would but she just pounced the self-defense coach."

"That happens too."  He walked off, putting his coffee cup on the sill in there.  The doctor came in with two pull carts and a bomb tech getting into his gear.  "We have everything?"

"Yes, General," Doctor Lam said.  "Are you coming?"

"Of course."  He grabbed one of the cases.  "Let's go, Walter."  He dialed them to Midway.  They passed through and then immediately to Atlantis.  They walked out of the gate, seeing the Marines really tense.  "They try again?" he asked.

"The regular Genii are asking for the former leader back, General.  Colonel Sheppard told them they'd talk about it after he was done in the infirmary, by tomorrow."

"That's fine.  I can chew them a new one myself," he promised.  "Lead the way, Soldier."  He took the doctor's case and led the way to the infirmary.  He walked in and the doctor grimaced.  "Technically I am his medical contact," he said dryly.

"That's fine.  Xander, you can go.  We'll take care of them."

"With all respect, doc, fuck yourself.  They're my team and I'm going to be here," he said firmly but quietly.   "General."

"What the hell happened, Harris?"

"The Genii were waiting in an ambush."  He swallowed.  "We got most of them but one of them had some sort of smoke grenade thing.  All I saw was the canister before I was knocked down by the flash and then out.  When I came to, we were still there.  They were bending over Fischer and Tilla.  I kicked up a fit, getting free of the ropes, and going after them to protect my teammates.  At that time, Jon was still unconscious.   They tossed them through the gateway and took me and Jon.  I noticed they had some sort of ball, looked like a light-up ball for exploring."  Jack nodded at that.  "Apparently they were going to use them to attack Atlantis.  We were told that they wanted the city for themselves even though they're not carriers so can't use anything."

"That's what I've heard too," Jack agreed.  "So they took you two to another planet?"

"Yes, sir, and dropped another light thing on Jon's chest.  When it only lit a little bit, they dragged him off.  I was fighting but it took me a while.  By the time I got there I couldn't find Jon and he was talking to the city.  I should have focused on getting Jon first."

"By then he was already sent back here," Sheppard told him.  "It was a good twenty from the time they switched planets.  They sent the audio feed right after sending him over.  We went after I told him I wanted Xander back and I was going to stomp their brains."

Jack nodded.  "So you made your way up to free the both of you," he said, looking at Xander.

"I should have concentrated on getting him instead of getting us out of there and doing carnage," he said quietly.

"No, once you had gotten free, you could have found him," Jack told him.  Xander shook his head.  Jack caught his chin, staring down at him.  "You have to get yourself free to get out of there, kid.  Jon could've protected himself for ten minutes.  Beyond that, you were following the same path.  It takes longer to kill someone in your way than it does to drag someone unconscious.  You did the right thing."  Xander's shoulders slumped.  "Then what happened, Sheppard?"

"I heard him fighting back over the audio feed they were gloating over, General.  We rushed through the gate, took out the ambush at the gate, left a few people with grazes to hold it while we moved on.  When we got there, Harris had two knives and was making them damn sorry.  We mentioned Armand to calm him down and one of them protested that he might be gay."  Xander snorted, shaking his head.  "We cleaned up the living, brought him back, and checked with Doctor Keller since she had all three in the infirmary. When she found the explosives, I called, set up the control features we planned out after Carson, and worried my ass sick for the last ten minutes."

"Good job, both of you," he said.  "Xander, not even you can defeat a gas grenade.  Not even Superman can defeat that."  Xander slumped more.  "I don't care if you could have blipped out of the way or not.  You still couldn't have defeated a sedative gas.  You did what you were supposed to.  You got your ass free, you were ready to get Jon free.  You were getting free.  That's the right way to do that."  Xander stared at him.  "Jon'll tell you the same thing, kid.  Now, does he need medical, Doctor Keller?"

"No.  He refuses to leave because it's his team."

"I agree with the sentiment but tough," Jack said.  "You and I, and Sheppard, are all going to hang in the doorway."  He pulled the kid up, giving him a hug.  Xander choked but kept it in.  "You did good, kid.  You did what you needed to.  You had no idea they had already sent Jon off."   He walked him off, Sheppard coming after them.  "Let us know what you need us to do."

Doctor Keller looked at Doctor Lam.  "Are they that stubborn at the main base?"

"Sometimes.  I hardly ever see Xander for injuries."

"I check him over whether or not he likes it."  She smiled.  "Let's start with the oldest first."  The bomb tech guy quit studying the scans and came over to disarm the thing.   They were nervous with people staring at them but they knew they weren't going to get any privacy until they were all healed.  "I did all the stitching while we waited," she admitted quietly.

"That's always a good move," Doctor Lam agreed.  "I know you're a good surgeon."

"I didn't have all the things I needed, including him.  Cadman's not on base."

"I understand that fully."

"Usually I'd ask Harris and he'd tell me how to disarm it and hold the person's hand.  We had someone who had an explosive ankle cuff put on them."  She put on her sterile gear and moved back to the bed.  "Can I cut?"

"You can," he said, pointing.  "There please."  She did it for him and let him remove the device and take it across the infirmary to disarm.

Keller sighed in relief.  "It looks like they just cut and implanted."

"Good," Doctor Lam agreed.  They got that one closed and then each took one of the others.  Everyone watching took a deep breath when they were done.  Doctor Lam closed up Jon's side.  She looked at the injuries then at the others.  "They wanted him more?" she asked.

"He's an ATA carrier and they desperately want some," Doctor Keller agreed just as quietly.

She nodded.  "That's good to know."  She took off her mask, checking for other injuries.  "Xander."  He came in.  "Jack."  He came in too.  "Why don't the ATA carriers have transmitters like ours do?"

"I didn't even think about it," he admitted.  "I can do that."

"I'm not sure if it won't interfere with my skills," Xander said.

"I get that.  You can wear one," Jack ordered.  "Instead of having it implanted.  A watch, a hair thing, whatever."  Xander nodded at that.  "Vala too."  He looked at his clone then at the doctors.  "Major hurts?"

"Beaten a bit.  They cut, implanted, then sealed it and dropped him after a few more hits or kicks."  Xander growled.  "You, sit," she ordered firmly.

"I'm not a dog, no matter how many other linguists think I'm their sled dog, Doc."  He walked over.  "I don't want to ask," he told Keller quietly, nodding at Tilla.  "I have no idea how long we were out."

"I looked briefly, there's no sign of it, Xander."  He sighed and nodded.  "Should I check you?"

"I was awake and struggling most of it, I think."

"Okay."  She patted him on the arm.  "Sit, behave, don't give me shit."  He pulled a chair over to sit at the foot of one of the beds.  She pulled the curtains around the three, leaving the ones between open.  "There."  She shook the bomb tech's hands.  "Thank you."

"Welcome, Doctor Keller."  He put the final lid on the bomb box.   "Let me get these to a safe place to disarm them."  He walked out with the box.  "McKay, I need a safe disarming spot that won't require beaming or too much bouncing on the way."

He considered this.  "This way."  He led him out through the gym and pointed.  "Take the small one to the right.  The one on the left has the new power supply."

"I can do that.  Thank you."  He walked it that way, as far out of the way as he could.  He could ignore the hum with his earpieces in.  He got done and carried them inside.  "Not real technically proficient, sir.  At the level of a package bomb."  Jack nodded, still staring at the beds.  "Want me to take it back?"

"Do so.  Take pictures for the others so they can be used in any trials."  He nodded, doing that and then going to the gate room.  Jack walked John off talking to him about the Genii.  He called them, going with John's team, the pictures, and the idiot prisoners.  He stared at the leader of the Genii.  "I'm General Jack O'Neill.  I head the project that Atlantis is under."

"It is nice to meet you," the head said carefully.  "You have our prisoners?"

"We're going to talk first," Jack assured him.  He held up the pictures.  "We pulled three bombs out of SG-25's bodies."

The head of the Genii swallowed.  "They had implanted bombs?"  Someone hissed in his ear.  "That is Harris's team?"

"It is.  Xander was getting them free when they stupidly called to brag after sending the last member of the team through the gate."

"No wonder we have so few left," he said quietly, frowning.

"Yes, Xander was a bit pissed," John agreed.  "He had two knives."  The other Genii backing up their leader shuddered.  "Xander lost his temper like he did on the wraith the last time they captured him.  Without having Armand there."

The head of the Genii winced.  "That is bad news.  Are they all right?"

"Now," Jack agreed.  "Our doctors are amazing and so are our bomb techs."  He changed his stance.  "Now, I think you have a problem that keeps trying to bother my people.  I know you're different than this splinter faction.  I know they're more militant and pushy.  I would hate to have to have this talk again with the rest of my soldiers.  All sixty platoons and teams."

"Understood, General," he said quietly.

"As long as it is understood.  We have had plenty of wars already thanks to the Gou'ald.  The Wraith are pissing us off.  If we can maintain a civil relationship, that would benefit most of us."

"It would," he agreed, realizing this general could call and have their whole race wiped out.  "I apologize but I had no control over their actions."

"As long as it cannot and will not happen again, we have no problems with *peaceful* relations," John assured him.  He waved and the prisoners were brought forward.   They were handed over.

"I look forward to years of peaceful relations with the Genii," Jack told them, getting a nod back from the leader.  "Then we'll leave you with them."  They left, being beamed onto the ship again.  It was a flashy, intimidating exit.  It made their point very well.  They went back to the city and he found them all awake but groaning.   Xander wasn't there.

Jon looked over, yawning some.  "Go make Xander quit blaming himself.  He's probably in the gym."

"I can do that.  You good?"

"Enough."

"Good.  Tilla, Fischer, you guys okay?"

"Kinda sore," Tilla admitted.  "We'll live.  The Genii?"

"Xander lost his temper," John said quietly.  They all smirked.  "Let me get him, General."  He went to find Xander, finding him on the pier.  He walked up behind him, laying a hand on his shoulder.  "You did the right thing."

"They got hurt because of me."

"Jon's an ATA carrier too, Xander.  They wanted him just as much but yours was stronger."  He patted him on the back, watching him flinch.  "Pain?"

"I don't des....."

"Shut up, Xander."  He moved to stand in front of him.  "You.  Did.  The.  Right.  Thing.  I hate repeating myself so learn it this time."  He stared the boy down but he looked away.  "Can you think of anything you could've done differently?"  He shook his head.  "Do you honestly think that they wouldn't have found out you're an ATA carrier sometime?  You and Jon?  There's plenty of people who would've tried and not been able to get free.  There's ATA people all over the base who have to be just as careful as you and Jon.  Including me.  It could've just as easily been Lorne and his team.  Remember, he doesn't have a superior warrior like my team and your team does."  Xander shrugged, wincing a bit.  "You should let the doc check you over again."

"I hate doctors."

"I know.  Me too.  Still has to be done before you're too injured to go on missions."  He moved closer.  "You did the right thing.  It wasn't your fault.  I don't know how they found out one of you was a carrier."

Xander sighed.  "Maybe that's a good point."

"Of course it is.  If you doubt me, go ask Rodney.  He's a genius and he'll remind you of that fifty times in an hour at the top of his lungs for being so stupid."  He stared him down, getting a small smile back.  "By the way, did you hear that one who complained about Armand and you?  He decided you being bi was wrong."

"I'm not sleeping with my pet."

"He didn't realize it's the dragon."

"Clearly.  Eww."  He shook his head, then held it.

"C'mon.  Let's let them check that over too."  He walked him back to the infirmary.  "He's wincing when he shrugs and his head hurts."  Doctor Lam growled at him.  Xander disappeared.  Literally.  John looked up.  "That won't save you."  He got a call from Rodney.  "He's hiding in Rodney's supply closet."

"I'll let Rodney drag him back," Keller decided, calling him to tell him that.

Radek dragged him in.  "He is keeping Rodney from saving the universe again."  He handed him over to Jack.  "Keep him this time before Rodney has to explain things to him again about human friends instead of dragon friends."  He left.

"I know about human friends," Xander pouted.

"Not enough," Jack told him.  "Doc?"  He handed him over to Lam.  Who sighed and glared, tapping a foot.

"Don't give me that look, I'll go to Bermuda to translate.  Or another brothel."

Jack snorted.  "You can't do either without permission, kid."  Xander snorted.  "Really.  Work ethic and that stuff?"

"I do more work than everyone but Daniel."

"We noticed.  We've been trying to fix that."

"I have whips and other mean things in my office."

"I might borrow some then.  Or let Vala do it since she's pouting that Daniel's always busy."  Doctor Lam walked Xander off by his arm, getting whining noises because of it.  "Suck it up, kid."

"I doubt she'd like that."  He yelped.  "OW!  Mean fucking wench!"  She smirked and nodded.  "I'm not going to let you play the pokey game with me anymore if you're as mean as Buffy is."

"I can be meaner."  She took off his shirt to look over the injuries that had been fixed.  "Why did you break stitches?"

"I don't know.  Maybe they wanted to be something different or they decided they didn't like me."  She pulled out another stitching pack and he disappeared again.

John looked up.  "AI?"  The virtual picture of her appeared in front of him.  "Where is Xander hiding?"

"In the holy room."

"What holy room?" he asked.

"The holy room."  She put up a map.  "I do not know how people got in there."  She faded out.

John looked at Jack.  He ignored the laughing of the people in the beds.  "Want him back?"

"Not yet.  Anya showed up again."  He looked at Jon, who was still snickering.  "I should tell Carter so she can fuss at you."  He walked off shaking his head to call the main base.

***

Cam hated this assignment.  He really, truly hated this assignment.  With everything in him he hated this assignment.  He hated it so much he wanted to blow these people up.  But he was here to get information and he had to play nicely.  Even if it was going to make him do things he'd rather not think about.  Oh, he hated this man in front of him!

He got summoned to the front door and his salvation walked in behind him, looking around casually.  "I'm very sorry my student left my teaching because I was ill," Xander said quietly.  "He panicked and it was reasonable at the time but we do not want to appear to have put out a half-trained person, my lord."  He bowed.

The gentleman studied him.  "Why did he leave you?"

"I caught a tau'ri fever that had spots.   It was very precarious but he was worried that me being so sick might infect him."

"I see."  He looked over him.  Simple, tight pants like the locals wore.  Soft shoes.  Very soft, plain shirt that was open at the collar.  Dark hair, brown eyes.  "There have been rumors of someone who looked like you reappearing from history itself," he said, sounding amused.

"I have heard those same rumors.  They say he is dark eyed and haired.  I cannot deny that I do share those traits but one could not imagine that someone like Tias Diamalan to be employed as I am.  Nor would anyone expect someone like me to be a great warrior," he said softly, looking at him.

"You are well informed," he said, mildly pleased by his expression.

"People talk around one such as me and share their problems in the times of need because I listen non-judgmentally."

"I have used such as you in the past.  This one who came to me through mutual contacts is not fully trained?"

"Unfortunately I did not get to the point where I could finish his training.  I can do so now if you would prefer.  He has not felt the touch of a man yet outside of my instruction on how to give massages."

"That is an interesting proposition.  Two for the price of him and him being trained to my specific needs."  He considered it.  "You would look very nice together.  Would you need any care for that sickness?"

"No, I am healed fully.  Now and then I still get a little bit tired, but any man can get that tired and need naps, my lord."

"Master," he corrected.

"Yes, master."

"Good.  You will train him to enjoy my touch by what I use you for?"

"Of course.  That would be the best way to ensure that your new boy is pure to your touch."

"That is a thrilling thought," he admitted, adjusting himself in his pants.  "Very well.  You two can share a suite as well."  Xander nodded at that.  "What is your name?"

"Roalf."

"After the famous courtesan?" he asked dryly.

"My parents were of the class that knew about this training being good for the family.  When I was born pretty, they decided my future for me."

"Wonderful of them," he agreed dryly.  "Prove your skill so your student may learn."

"Yes, master."  Xander walked over and knelt beside him, staring at his chin.  "What would you have me do to prove that I am skilled and able to teach him?"

"For now, relieve my pressure."

"Yes, master."  He undid his pants and got to work sucking him.  It wasn't a big cock, and personally Xander realized why he needed a live-in prostitute.  No one would want something this small with the bend at the tip.  His 'master' came and he swallowed like the good whore he was pretending to be.  He leaned back after cleaning him up and tucking him back in.  "Did that please you?"

"It did quite a lot."

"Master, if I may, there are massages and oils that can help relax that one overly tight muscle," he said, looking down.  "I have known another who had great pain from his and I would see no man suffer."

"We'll talk about that sometime."

"Yes, sire."  He got hit.  "I'm sorry, master.  My last one believed himself worthy to be a king or a prior himself."

"He was arrogant and I am not."

"No, master, you are not."

"Good.  You'll do.  Take him to your suite," he told Cameron.  "I will see you both at dinner."

Xander stood up and bowed.  "How would you have us dress?"

"I will send pants in to you.  Oil yourselves down so you're nice to look at."  Xander nodded, bowing again and backing away then taking Cameron's hand to walk him out.  He stared at them.  "That is an interesting addition.  He was very good."  He leaned back, relaxing and thinking for now.

Once they got up there, Cameron looked at Xander.  "What are you doing?"

Xander smiled.  "Not like you're ready to do this yet, my student."  He quirked an eyebrow up.  "Camelle, we will teach you well."  He moved closer.  "And you can do what you need to do so you learn while I keep him pleased during your lessons."  He stared him down.

"You just..."  He waved a hand.

Xander nodded.  "Life is always paid for one way or another," he said quietly.  "Even when your lover is powerful.  Especially when your lover is powerful."  He stared at him. "Because I know you couldn't," he muttered.  Cam shook his head.  "So....  Is there anything I should know?"

"No bugs," he muttered, using the tiny scanner to look again.  One had appeared but it got tossed outside.  He checked the bathroom.  Xander found a few spots that had spy holes.   He groaned.  Xander smiled while chin-nodding out at the mini-forest outside.  Cam nodded that would work for privacy.  Xander checked out the bathroom, finding another spy hole.  Cam followed, turning around when he found him in the shower.  "Must you?"

"Before dinner, yes.  We want him to be happy with us.  Happy masters let us explore things so we can find new things to please him with.  Like walks among the trees."

"Point."  He got in after Xander was done, watching him oil himself.  "I don't like this plan," he said once he was sure no one was spying on them.  "It makes him use you."

Xander looked at him, smiling sadly.  "He would not be the first, Camelle.  All men are used sometime for something.  Whether it's their brains, their muscles, or their bodies.  Life is not free."

"That's a sucky philosophy," he muttered.  He took the oil and let Xander do his back.  "Is this your special blend?"

"Yes.  It's good for many things, including keeping muscles limber."

Cam turned to look at him.  "How did you know I was here?"

He tweaked him on the cheek.  "Someone told me that you had left your training too soon and they could not talk to you when they needed to."  Cam groaned, nodding that he understood that.  He hadn't been able to check in.  "Now, we will rest.  Dinner should be within hours."

"It should be," he agreed.  They laid down together and Xander shifted closer to talk to him in a language he had been teaching him.  They needed to share intel and why Cam had been put into this very bad spot.  There was no way Landry could've known he sent a straight officer to do this job, right?  Landry had apologized to him about it a few dozen times when he had asked him to help Cam.

***

Xander looked over at their 'master' then at his dinner.  "I have not had this meat before.  What is it?"

"It's a local delicacy.  Some sort of lizard that lives around here."

"Interesting flavor to it," he said, blocking out that thought.  Armand was safely with Jon, he had not followed him.  "Is it rock living or forest living?  I was going to take my student out to appreciate the beauty of your woods tomorrow."

"It's rock living.  About two feet long.  Red tail and head, blackish body."

Which meant it really wasn't Armand.  He sighed in pleasure in his head.  "Interesting.  I'll have to look for one.  If you'll allow it?"

"Of course.  You need time to teach him all your secrets."

Xander smiled.  "Each of us develops things that only we can do.  It's a marker of who we are.  He may not be able to do those."

"Still, he will need to learn."

Xander nodded.  "I can see that but the teaching can take up to two months, master.  He'll have to learn how to please you orally, with his body, and then be stretched so he doesn't tear the first time."

"I believe that's reasonable.  Two months?"

"It took him nearly two weeks to perfect his method of pleasing a woman.  Since then, they all are *quite* pleased.  Some even make obscene amounts of noise."

"Women are taken by that sort of thing," he agreed.  "It would be easier to teach him how to please them first."

"Many widows and women who were married for something other than joy have hired such as us," Xander added.  He ate another bite delicately.  He had learned table manners a few times.  He looked at Cam.  "I thought he would go to one of those.  They seem to find him charming.  Outside of my little sister, who thought him in the favor of men."  Cam broke and snickered, shaking his head.  Their master smiled as well.  "She's the sort to watch men with other men and enjoy it."

"Many do.  I can think of many who would like such spectacles, even though we could never advertise it.  As a newly converted world, you know it's illegal to put on such spectacles."

"Yes, the Book does forbid it but there are many that will still do so."  He ate another bite, nodding.  "Your cook is excellent."

"I hire only the best."  Xander smiled at that compliment.  "I would need you to serve me tonight before my meeting."

"Of course, master."

"Good."  He finished up and let Xander come with him once he had rinsed his mouth out with a final drink.   "You can come," he offered to Cam since he didn't look too pleased.

"No, I'm hoping he'll be giving me teaching time tonight."

"Of course he can.  Once I'm sated."  He walked Xander off, taking him to the overly opulent bedroom.  "The Book said greed is wrong but I find this is not greed, it is comfort."

Xander touched the folded edge of a silk banner.  "It does make the room warmer and feel more like a happy room."  His master smiled.  "Though that statue is fantastic," he said, stopping in front of a jade statue of the Mother Goddess.  "Is she done by a local craftsman?"

"No, from a world that we converted years ago.  They foolishly believed in a goddess but they were converted and are happier now in the afterlife."

Xander looked at him.  "It's a pity they aren't still around.  Such work is magnificent."

"Yes it is."  He walked Xander to his bed, watching him strip the covers off.  "Very nice of you."   He got a towel so nothing from Xander would drip onto his expensive sheets then sat beside it.  "Are you prepared for me?"

"No, master.  Some men would rather do that themselves.  I decided you would tell me your preference tonight."

"I would prefer you to be prepared."  Xander nodded, finding the oil on the bedside table.  He waved it, getting a nod of consent.  He watched him prepare himself and get onto th bed.  "On your knees.  It is the most fit position for one of you."  Xander did so and he smiled, mounting what was his by their contract.  He moaned.  "Very nice, even after all the times you've done this."

"There are exercises."  His 'master' laughed and rode him.  Xander wasn't really that far into it.  He could barely get hard and his master didn't seem to care.  He could excuse it as not being ordered to.  His 'master' was pleased anyway and left, leaving him to make it back to his room.  Cam was waiting on him.  "Was your night productive?"

"Slightly."   He looked him over.  "There's a tub."

"He wasn't that bad at it," he admitted.  But he did take the offer, smiling at Cam for it.  They walked in there, Cam looking him over.  "Are you all right?" he asked quietly.

"I'm fine."  He gave him a hug.  "It'll be okay.  You'll find it."  Cam nodded.  "Did you find your center again?"  He slid into the warm bath with a hiss.  "Very nice, thank you."

"Welcome.  I added a bit of your oil into it like you did to Daniel when he threw his back out."  He sat beside it, not staring at Xander.  He looked up at the spyhole but Xander shook his head.  He twiddled his fingers.  Xander shook his head again.  "You can't?"

"Still worn out.  It'll be weeks."

That sucked but they could talk outside tomorrow.  Xander had bought them two months.  "Did you bring anything with you?"

"Of course.  My charm bracelet and a few other things.  Including a good supply of caffeine."  Cam smirked.  "Landry had that pinched librarian face when he called me down too," he said quietly.

"He did when he sent me too.  I don't think he realized."

"He did when he sent me.  That's why he sent me."  Cam glared at a wall.  "It's all right."  Cam made himself relax.  "I'd like to find out more about the people who made the jade statue in his bedroom.  They sound like my sort of people.  Beautiful statue of the Mother."

"If you can.  He might let you use the library."

"Maybe."  He settled in deeper.  "Si had better style," he muttered, cracking Cam up.  "All thrust and no pleasure."  He shrugged.  "Find it soon."

"I'm trying."  Xander nodded.  "I'm not liking this."  Xander patted him.  "Do you need anything?  Ice pack, anything like a cream to put on stuff?"

"He's not that bad," he admitted.  "Not too rough."  He shifted.  "It'll be fine, Cam."

"If you're sure."  Xander nodded, staring at him.  "I can't even imagine...."

Xander smiled.  "If we don't start your teaching he'll complain."

"I know.  Which sucks."

"It'll make you better later on."

"Maybe."

"No maybe about it.  It'll make you better later on."  He smirked.  Cam gave his head a soft shove.  "Let me nap in here for a bit."

"Fine."  Cam got up and went back to their rooms.  He saw someone watching from that spyhole and stared at them.  "We can tell you're there.  There's light."  It was shut.  This was not the position he wanted to be in.  He hated this assignment and he was going to chew someone a new one for sending them here.  Xander really didn't need this!  He sat down to think.  He had never personally done it but he had known others who paid for their housing on their back.  It wasn't something he was fond of seeing but he knew it happened.  He just had to work harder and faster.  And even if Xander did teach him something it'd be okay.  He could probably use it on his women.

***

Xander and Cam walked outside in the woods, followed by a bodyguard.  Xander moved to distract him while Cam called the ship in orbit.  If they didn't need this information they'd be out of there today.  Unfortunately they did need it.  The ship agreed to keep a closer eye on them.  Xander came back so he signed off quickly.  "We good?"

"We're fine.  He wanted to learn how to please his new wife better.  I told him what I would do and he's happier."

"Good.  Well, not great, but...."

"I know.  Been here, done this," he sighed quietly.  "It'll go but you..."

"I know.  If we have to."

"Yeah, you have to.  He's got spies all over the house.  Even though it's not your usual playing field."

"No, not one I really thought about either."

Xander smiled.  "At least I'm fantastic."

"You are.  I'd be a wreck."  Xander patted him on the arm and they kept walking.  Their guard was back.  He subtly checked the feed, turning it off once the guard started to babble about the favored concubine position.  How the last one had left.  They both knew she had been killed.  They weren't sure why though.  Not that it was important at this moment in time but it would help them be more careful.

They finally went back inside and Xander got himself ready while Cam ignored it because it was bothering him.  Cam finally stared at him when he came out of the bathroom.  "I'm fine with it, Cam.  Not the first time," he said quietly.

"I guess but...."

Xander patted him on the cheek.  "Behave."  Cam nodded.  Xander when he was summoned.  Cam brooded and ignored the people watching him from the spy holes.  Xander came back shaky and he got him into the bathroom to bathe.  It had seemed to help.  "He's got an amstrie."

"A what?"  Xander pointed at his hand.  "A gou'ald hand thing?"  Xander nodded.  "For what?"

"Energy."  He let himself be helped into the water.  "I have to soak it in instead of letting it affect me."  He concentrated and the shaking slowly stopped.  He came out of his semi-meditative state, finding Cam staring at him.  "It'll be okay."

"I really don't like the fact he used one on you."

"It's fine.  I'll channel the energy into myself instead of letting it affect me that way."  Cam gave him a shoulder squeeze.  "Dinner is when?"

Cam looked at his watch.  "Maybe four hours."

"Then we should rest."  He got out and grabbed a towel.  Cam touched the bruise on his side.  "I slipped and called him something other than Master."

"That's not fair."

"To them it is."  He put on a robe and walked out with him to find the bed made nicely but turned down for them and a tray with fruits and a carafe of juice.  "Thank you," Xander called.  He slid into the bed, pulling Cam down.  Cam got up to sniff and test the food and drink.  Undrugged so he brought something back for Xander to nibble on.  "That's nice.  Very juicy."  Cam grinned.  "You make a good mom."

"I don't like to see people injured."  Xander pulled him so he laid down with him.  Xander leaned on his shoulder, not cuddling just laying on his shoulder.  Carter had done that a few times too when she was injured.  Xander grinned up at him.  "I know."

"Yup.  Could use the cuddle.  Get under here."  Cam got under the covers with him, letting Xander cuddle.  "You're not Armand but you're not bad."

"He would rip heads off."

"Now and then, yeah."  He sighed, finally warm again, and fell asleep.

Cam looked down at the snoring, smiling some.  "You've only done that since you got sick.  I'm getting you some of those nasal strips.  Jon would like that I'm sure."  He patted him, avoiding the bruised area.  That would be going with them if he had any say.  After he used it on the fucker repeatedly.

***

A few days later and Xander was slightly an emotional wreck to anyone who knew him.  Cam walked up behind him.  "What?"

"Adria's here, I can feel her," he said quietly.

"Damn it."

"Yeah."

"We won't be introduced."

"Probably."  Cam gave him a hug.  It came naturally between them now.  "It'll be okay."

"I hope."  He nuzzled the back of Xander's neck and realized what he was doing.  "Sorry."

"No, it's okay.  It's like Stockholm."  He grinned.  "Perfectly natural."

"If you're sure."  Their suite's door opened and he bowed, Xander turning and doing the same thing.  "Master."

"Boys.  I am being called away on a problematic conversion."

"May we use the library so I can learn more about the people who made that jade statue?" Xander asked.

"Yes you may.  Stay out of my office while I'm gone."  They both nodded.  "I'll be leaving most of the staff here."

"That's fine.  I'm sure no one will dare approach your house," Xander said calmly.

"No, no one should," he agreed, staring at him.  "Come here."  Xander came over.  "You look cute being held by him."

"I was missing someone in my past."

"Hmm."  He looked him over.  "Give me good luck on the trip."  Xander fell to his knees without a question.  Cam watched, he knew his job was to 'learn'.  "I will have someone telling me of your progress.  When I get back, hopefully you will be as skillful."

"I'm still fighting my throat," he admitted quietly.  The man moaned but let Xander finish him off.  "Have a good trip, Master."

"You two will behave."  He patted them both on the head.  "I have noticed you do not have the appropriate clothes for a homecoming celebration.  Someone will fix that."  They nodded.  "Good."  He left.  Then he came back to put something on the bed.  "When he is ready, he can wear this.  It will mark him as a consort for now."  He smirked at Cam then left.

Xander got up after looking up the hall.  He was gone.  He looked at the seal then at Cam.  "Those are hardly given."

"No, they're not."  He came over to look then shut the box.  "Don't those dig into the skin?"

"Yes.  They seal themselves to the skin," Xander said quietly.  "We'll go down for dinner in the kitchen?"  Cam smiled and nodded.  When someone came up with food he smiled.  "We can eat with the rest of the help so we don't create more trouble."

"The master would never agree," the server said quietly.  "We are house staff, not personal staff.  The fitters will be here tomorrow."  He left them, closing the door behind himself.

"Okay," Xander said.  He sat down to nibble on some things.  "The cantaloupe looking thing tastes off."  Cam nodded at that, and they both avoided it.  The juice too.  Once it was night time, they snuck down to kitchen to find the sedatives.   Xander found a few other things and gathered them.  The cook caught them.  "I was ordered to use a mash of these and honey on my skin if I should start to break out in a fever again," he told her.  "After that last sickness."

She nodded, looking at them.  "There's better berries."  She got them for him with a smile.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome.  We want you to be pretty when the master comes back."

"Did he tell you how long it'd be?" Cam asked.  "He didn't tell us."

"He thought four months."  They both nodded.  "Shoo."

"Really, we can come eat with you.  We are not above the other servants," Xander told her.

"It's fine.  Gives us something to do since you two don't make a mess."  They smiled and left her kitchen.  She noticed the missing sedative but she figured they must be having trouble sleeping without him there to help them nightly.

Xander set up in the bathroom to mix a few things.  "Cam, come help me."  He came in.  Xander held out the jar of goop.  "Put that on my back for me?  It'll suck out any puss and zits.  I noticed I was getting a few."

"Sure."  He spread it over his back with his fingers, earning a smile.  Xander did his own face.  "What do we do about...."  He waved his clean hand around.

"We're allowed down to the library and outside.  He only ordered us to not touch the office."  They shared a look.  "I was going to see if we got paid so we could go to the marketplace.  I could use some mind-clearing herbs."  Cam beamed at that.  Xander could do some amazing things with herbs.  "Plus maybe they have a local cheeseburger.  I could use some meat.  All this fruit is making my ass hurt."

"TMI," Cam complained but he was joking.  It was his job to look after Xander.  He even let the guy cuddle.  Of course, the thing they needed probably went with their pain in the ass owner.  He called from inside the closet.  There were no spyholes and Xander had been able to shield it.  They agreed the power signature had left.  Ellis ordered them to stay there for now.  He'd get orders.   He came out with a robe.  Xander came out of the bath with a slightly blue tinge but his skin was very soft.  "That's interesting."

"I learned that from a few people."  He took the robe to put on since he was naked.  "Library?"

"Library," he agreed.  They went down to raid it.  Xander found the _Book of Conversions_ and sat down to look up that planet.  They listed their heresies.  He finally found it and got up to look them up in the other books.  If they had magic, he wanted to go there.  He had more things he could learn.  Xander found a book on local herbs and pulled it down too.  Just in case there was something more potent than he knew.  He had been taken shopping a few days back so he knew the marketplace and the small herb sellers there.  Including spotting the shady one who could probably get him anything he wanted.  He looked at the one.  'Four month death' had a promising sound.  Like they'd have a good, long time to explore and find anything else of value, including that damn gou'ald hand unit before it got used on him again.  Though it was nice he could envelope it and add it to his personal power after it had made him miserable.

***

Xander answered the pounding of the door a week later, bowing to the official there.  "Sire, what may we do for you?"

"Are you the only one here?" he asked, looking him over.  He was shoeless, shirtless, and a bit dusty.

"No, sire, my student is also here.  The rest, I believe our master put into a deep sleep for a bit."  He let him in since he was clearly an official.  "Camelle?" he called, bringing him out of the library.  They had been ordered to scan in a lot of the books since no one could get to the guy off-world either.

The guards went to look at the others.  Cam showed them where they were sleeping.  One came back.  "Four month death," he murmured.

"This one has herbs," another said, holding up Xander's bag.

"Yes, I find them useful when teaching my student new skills so he can please our master," Xander told him.  "It lets him relax and concentrate on what I'm doing so he can replicate it instead of worrying about how it looks.  None of those are whatever you just mentioned."

The head guard looked it over, shaking his head.  "He's right.  These are food and meditative herbs."  He handed them back to the master.  "What is your position in this household?"

Xander smiled.  "I'm teaching his future pleasure."  The guards all blushed.  "It is a natural urge.  Did he not put them down for a nap?"

"No, he did not, but we will tell him that someone did.  He has many enemies that might have."

Xander nodded.  "As any courtesan can, I can defend myself.  I do have a knife."  They snorted but left them there.  Xander stared at the doorway.  "Can we disable the alarms to rebuild them better?" he asked quietly.

"You're looking at that," Cam reminded him.

"Then I think we can."  He looked at Cam.  "I need to do something outside.  I'm going to soak up energy.  Go back to the book project."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah.  I'm feeling strong enough to do that.  It'll take me a few days, a few hours each day, Cam."  He walked out, pulling it to him.  The planet's energy leapt at his control.  Yes, they used to have magic here.  When he was sucking it up in the forest, by sitting under a tree on the ground, he saw a spirit coming toward him.  He bowed to her.  She bowed back.  Then she smiled and held something out, a small idol.  He took it in the dream and she disappeared.  He woke up and went inside to find that idol.  "Oh, that's so pretty," he moaned.  Cam looked at him.  "There's magic here."

"Why?"

"They used to have it."  He held up the book for him to read, smirking at him.  "It's not that far away."

"Have Ellis beam you?"

"Maybe.  Sometimes you can't get into those sort of areas without playing their rules."

"I saw that with Merlin's things," he admitted quietly.  The guards could have put up new bugs or something.  "Ask."

Xander nodded, calling Ellis.  He got beamed to the spot, bowing to the three women who met him.  "Mothers."

They stared at him.  "You are not one of us."  He lit the torch beside them and they smiled.  "That is a dangerous skill."

"I'm not the nicest of all men when I have to be, but usually I am."

"Come," they said, leading him in to their fire to talk to him.  She smiled when she saw him admiring the carving.  "Yes, I gave that one to you, Tias Diamalan."

Xander smirked at her.  "Thank you for letting me know that you are here, Mothers.  What can I do to help you?"

"What are you doing here?" the others asked.

"The person I'm supposedly working on has something that he should not.  I'm playing Indiana Jones on my back."  They gasped then one pointed at something on the carved walls.  He walked over to it.  "It's in Ancient," he said with a beaming smile.  He read it from the start and they moaned.  He got to the current part and nodded when he finished with the future one.  He looked at them.  "Of course."  They bowed and got him something.  He opened the box, smiling at the wooden sticks in there.  "Thank you."  He bowed back before taking them.

"The one with me is a chosen warrior of them," he said with a point.  "Another heir to a warrior king.  He pulled excalibur."  They moaned and made him tea.  That would work and they would not tell because their own secrets would get them killed.  Seers and witches weren't welcome in the Ori.  He sipped it and it was good.  He hadn't had it in a while.  He stared at them.  "You're from the coven?" he asked.  They nodded.  He took off his shirt and they squealed at his master's mark.  They knew of him and they would definitely keep his secrets.  He got beamed back and handed Cam the sticks.  "My coven."

"They got pulled?" he asked.

"Apparently way back when."  He put back on his shirt.  Cam was testing those.  "We need to free something from the temple," he said quietly.  "They have an orb that's pure power too."

"Okay.  Can we do it subtly?"

"There's a celebration coming up."

"Priors," he pointed out.

Xander nodded.  "I know."  He took the sticks back.  "Find anything?"

"No, not yet.  Maybe on your orb."  He let him see the book he had found.  It was on local history.  Xander read it over, nodding.  They left that night to break into the temple.  They had been in it for celebrations.  It was open, only had one prior guarding it, and he was easily knocked out.  They freed the orb and other things, sending the orb to the witches.  Xander felt it be used wrong and winced.  "Adria," he muttered, summoning it to Armand.

She shrieked, he could feel her frustration through the ground flow.  He knew how to guard himself so she didn't sense him though.  He mourned their loss that night but it would be avenged.  Adria was a bitch and her time was nearly up.  He went back to his healing.  It was necessary.  Especially if she was local.  He heard a doorbell and sighed, going to answer it.  It was one of the guards.  He wanted to make sure they were all right since someone had broken into the temple.

He gasped and acted like it was the biggest sin there was.  The guard agreed and told them to call if they spotted someone since they were vulnerable.  Xander let him keep thinking that they were vulnerable little boys.  Pretty soon, it was going to be a different opinion.  Xander got an idea and snuck out that night under the cover of 'praying before the celebration' to slip some of the herbs he had into the smoke givers for the celebration.  When lit, it'd create a mass hallucination.  For those who were zealots, they would interpret it as a sign from the Ascended.  Yeah, that could help them.

***

Cam watched as the whole town went nuts.  Then he looked at Xander, who looked a bit funny around the edges to him too.  "Why do you look like you're melting?"

"I don't know," he said.  He said one last prayer to the Goddess, though he left that part off, and walked Cam out.  The guards were there.  "They are having religious visions."

"That has never happened."

"The Prophetess herself is in there having one," Xander told him with a point.  "I'm taking this one to rest because his is disturbing to him."  They nodded, letting them go.  Others were walking off sobbing.

"Why is he not affected!" Adria demanded, stomping their way.  "You are not affected?"

Xander bowed but shrugged.  "Mine was minor and showed others burning.  One such as I am does not show such defeated feelings in public, Prophetess."

She sneered.  "I do not like your occupation."

"Yes, but without ones such as me, men who help you do not have the outlets for their emotions so they're clouded by them.  That leaves them less able to do your will suitably."

"True.  Are you from here?"

"No, Prophetess, we are both from a newly converted world."  He glanced up at her.  She was still too clouded to realize it was him.  "We have had many such as me who have come from there."  Cam snorted and he elbowed him.  "Please excuse my student.  He believes that not many who come from us are worthy."

She sneered.  "Who owns you right now?"  One of the guards told her.  "I know of him.  Why does he need one of you?"

"Because he is widowed and does not wish to shame a female by possibly giving her a child out of wedlock.  The Book says it is foul."

"True."  She walked off.  "Get out of my sight."

"Yes, Prophetess," Cam said quietly, bowing to her again.  They walked off.  Xander paused to buy some fresh food from the market then they went to the house.  Cam waited until they were inside to look at Xander.  "What was that?"

"Normals get an LSD sort of vision from what I saw, but anyone who has something like the Sight got a true one."  Xander stared at him.  "I've seen it in use before."

Cam stared at him.  "You're scary in what you've seen and know."

Xander beamed.  "Thank you.  Go check in?  I'll do lunch then we can deal with the last few things?"  Cam walked off shaking his head.  Xander did their lunch, which wasn't much but it was nice, and then they rewired the office's alarms.  Of course, the town was having a riot.  So they could say that they were just protecting their master's things by moving them somewhere safer.  Cam kept looking at Xander since he was looting as well.  "You pay for your ass one way or another.  Dates, pretty things, sharing a house, paying your courtesan.  I am a very practical one when I turn into one."

"That's fucked up," Cam pointed out.

Xander looked at him.  "Don't you pay on dates?"  Cam nodded.  "If you were living with a woman, wouldn't you be putting out some expense to keep her happy?"  Cam nodded more slowly.  "Same thing only he thinks he owns us and my asshole isn't really for rent that way.  Therefore, he's got to pay."

"I still say it's a fucked up viewpoint," Cam said quietly.

"Well, look at my past relationships, Cam.  Not like I had a good one that wanted me for more than my dick or hole anyway."

"Did the lunch you made include blunt candy?" he asked.

"No, I'm just tired."  He shrugged.  "It's nothing."

"It is something."

"No, it's not."  Cam moved closer.  He had gotten used to being physically comforting with Xander.  "Fine.  It's that Landry decided I'm the whore of the base."

"I don't think he had any idea, Xander."

"He did when he sent me.  He told me that you had been taken in as a pleasure slave."

"So he was being practical."

"And my name came up first?  Not Carter's?  Not Daniel's?  I know both of them have been taken as one in the past."

"No, you're right, that sucks."  Xander relaxed.  "For that you should loot."  Xander smirked and held up a piece of jewelry.  "That's pretty."  They packed it into the bag that shrank things.  "What about the others?"

"They're in a fireproof, invasion proof vault.  I made sure of it last night.  It can be opened but not if you're in a blind panic.  It opens from the inside with just a lever."

"Good.  They were decent to us."  He finished looting the desk's contents.  He had a lot of stuff to hand over.  A fleet commander would.  He looked around.  "Anything else?"

"Three things.  Get that box.  It may come in handy.  Let me get that jade statue, and then something from his room."  They split up and headed to get those.  Cam got their spare clothes too.   Xander had popped the safe.   They met at the front door.

"We don't have a code bracelet," Cam realized.   "Ellis won't be back for a week."

Xander held up the statue.  "I know, almost, where we're going then."  He nodded and they left, heading to the stargate.  It wasn't in use.  This planet was barely in their galaxy.  Xander input the first six and then the seventh he stared.  "We have eight options."

"We don't have time to try," Cam pointed out, looking around.

"Most of them won't connect."  He tried them, getting two that did but the second one felt like it had magic.  "The mother is crying.  Let's go."  Cam followed him through, coming out into a desert.  Xander shut off the wormhole and then knelt in the ground, putting the statue there.   He said a prayer.  He felt he got an answer.  "We go west.  I have no idea where the survivors are beyond that.  As we get closer, we can narrow in on them."

"We need to be near the gateway since you can't blip us back to earth or Atlantis."

"I can get us to a world where we're friends.  But we need to do this, Cam.  These people were devastated."  Cam sighed.  Xander put up a shield for them in a cave.  Then Xander got to work making spears.  They found the temple the next day.  The jade statue went into it and the temple came alive.  Lights came on.  Dust seemed to fade away.

"This is very Tomb Raider," Cam said dryly.

"Yeah, because one of us wrote that," Xander said with a smug look.  He took off his shirt and cut just under his mark from the coven and his master, letting the blood drip onto the altar.  An older man appeared.  He bowed to him.  "I felt this needed to be given back."

"It did.  Who had it, boys?"  He moved closer, touching it.  "She's still whole."

"A fleet commander of the Ori," Xander told him. "We tau'ri fight against them."

"That is a brave, foolish, and suicidal thing.  We tried."

Xander smiled.  "I'm not the usual warrior and neither is he, Father."

He looked them over.  "No, you're not.  Interesting."  He stared at them.  "You will come with us?  Learn our ways so they're not forgotten?"

"If you wish," Xander agreed.  Cam made a protesting noise.  Xander stared at him.  "It's the least we can do, Cam," he said quietly.  "It won't take that long and we're hiding in case he guesses we came back here.  Not like Ellis will be anywhere near here for days.  I could use the rest of the time to recover too."

"No, he won't be," he agreed.  "Fine."  He bowed as well.  The old man smiled.  "I'm used to fighting, not this stuff."

"Warriors are warriors, but there are many ways of many wars.  We can teach you much."  He took them in the shiny light.  Cam kept his shock inside.  "We are not ancients but we are nearly as ancient."  He led them down from the temple to the main floor where people were.  He put the jade statue on the altar and people cheered.  "The Ori tualas kept it."

"It was in his bedroom," Xander admitted quietly.

The old man looked at him.  "You touched him?"

"We were trying to get something from him before it hurt others."

He smiled.  "Many have tried things like that."

"Mine was working but he took it with him," Xander admitted.  "I was sent to save Cam.  In the past I have been both warrior and whore for necessities."

"Each one is called by the Goddess," the man said.  He smiled at the women.  "Take them.  They are to be trained."  They nodded and walked them down to the village.  He stared at the back of the young one.  He was clearly skilled.  Healing but skilled.  He wondered what had happened.  It would have taken a lot of battle to wear one like him out.  He would find out in the morning.  Those two clearly needed to rest.

***

Cam hit the ground and got up with a groan.  "You're better than I am," he told the one sparring with him, getting a smirk back.

"Tias Diamalan would need warrior kings around him.  Others who know things would benefit him."

"I have others," Xander told him.  "Ronon's the last of his people.  Teal'c started a Jaffa rebellion that has now brought down the gou'ald.  Cam here is very skilled.  John back on base is learning more every day.  Teyla is very good and teaching him with Ronon."

The teacher nodded.  "That is a good force."

"I fought with a chosen."  He stretched a few times.  "Is it my turn so Cam can rest?"

"He is not done yet."  He attacked Cam and Cam fought back better this time.  It lasted nearly ten minutes.  He knocked him down.  "You'll learn."  He pulled him up.  "Rest, watch the warriors go at it."

"I'm better with a weapon in hand," Xander admitted.  He stepped into the ring.  He closed his eyes and dropped into his mind.  He blocked the first blow.  Then it was on.  He had taken the time to learn many fighting styles.  The warrior looked pleased when he started to get tired.  He did eventually knock Xander down but found himself injured, truly injured, by his dagger.  "Good!" he praised, helping him up.  He pulled out the dagger and handed it back.  "That is what I want to see you do," he told Cam.  He walked off to get that bandaged.

Xander panted, calming himself again.  "Seventy centuries and you lean some things," he said quietly.

Cam gave him a shoulder squeeze.  "Too many things, Xander.  You need to drop some of the stuff that you learned the wrong way.  Like all that hurt from the putz's you slept with."  Xander shrugged.  "Really.  Rebuild that one.  Keep the languages, the skills, and the knowledge, just not them."  He walked him off, going to get a shower.  Xander sat down to meditate.  He was cool with that.  He took the sticks out there.  "Xander were given these and I know John and Teyla use them.  I would like to learn how to use them better," he told their trainer.

He nodded.  "It is a good weapon.  We will start on staffs tomorrow then work you up to that."

"I did take some staff training with the Jaffa."

"Excellent.  Then we'll work on your stamina and your unarmed combat again."  Cam nodded, going back to watch over Xander.  He smiled.  "He is nicely fussy."  The woman helping him smiled.  "It is good to see."

"They may be close but it is comfort."  She tied off the bandage.  "There."  He nodded, walking off.  She got them food and brought it to the young one.  She approved of him meditating so she left it with the other one.  He would learn that soon enough.

***

Xander came back from a long fight bloody, sire, and sweaty.  He flopped down on his straw mat.  Cam looked at him.  "I ache like fuck."

"I can understand that," he agreed.  "I've had that feeling more than once."  He got the oil from Xander's bag, coming over to work on his stiff muscles before he cramped.

Xander flinched away.  "Cam, I'm tender and got exposed to something that made me horny.  Don't unless you mean it."

Cam sighed.  "If you need me to, Xander, but we're still only friends."  He went back to his massage.  Xander was nearly purring by the time he got done with his shoulders.  By the time he moved down to his legs, he couldn't lay on his stomach.  He had seen enough at that last place to know what it was about.  Xander was making needy noises and it was getting to him.   Fuck the frat regs since Xander wasn't military.  He poured some more oil out, moving to his butt cheeks.  Xander went onto his knees but Cam stopped him, pushing him back down.  "That's for those who use you, Xander," he said quietly.  He dipped a finger down to tease him.  Xander growled.  He smiled at that.  He hadn't heard that growl in a  while.  Xander had seemed so defeated at the manor house.  He dipped it inside to move around a bit.  He got a bit more oil and switched to two fingers.

"Three," Xander moaned when he pulled out.

"Sure."  He used three fingers to stretch him.  It probably wasn't the best one he'd ever had but it would hopefully do.  He pulled Xander into his lap, letting him sink down on him.  Xander got a good cuddle and he could nibble on him.  That oil made him taste good.  Smelled good too.  He inhaled it as he thrust and Xander rode him.  It was slow, sensual, and for his first having a man, it was very good.  He kissed him, earning a shocked look.  "That's why this is a favored position."

"Because the one on top is doing most of the work?" Xander teased with a true, happy smile.

"That helps too."  He kept them going, making Xander one happy boy for a bit.  He finally came when Xander went over and squeezed him into the little death.  He panted, resting his head against Xander's.   "That..."

"Was good," Xander promised, kissing him again.  Cam took it over and pulled back slowly, staring at him.  "Friends?"

"Yup, friends."  He took another kiss and helped Xander off him.  "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Cam.  You weren't brutal or anything."  He pulled him down to cuddle.  "I need cuddles."

"I know."  He let him.  "I'm worried the asshole will show up."

"He can't show up here.  He believes it's a dead world and everything in the house burnt.  I set it off."  Cam smirked at him.  "I'm mean that way."  Someone came in and he only waved.  "Time for more practice?"

"No, young one.  Time for you to finish building your reserves."

"I'm going to do that tomorrow."

"Good.  We will bring your other warriors then."  Xander nodded and put his head back down.  She smiled at Cam.  "That is important.  He needs that comfort."

"I know.  We're still just friends."

"Sometimes that is best."  She left them alone with the bowl of warm water and washcloth.  They could bathe with that.

Xander looked then at him.  "I think that's our allotment of bath water."

"Possibly."  He pulled it up to clean himself up then to wipe Xander down.  Xander was a happy, purring boy again.  No one ever seemed to take care of him so he would.  Though he wasn't getting a boyfriend.  They were just friends who took care of each other.

***

Cam looked up as the warriors who had disappeared reappeared.  He waved.  "Hi."

"You needed a rescue that badly?" John asked, glaring at him.

"Well, no IDC.  They've been working on my skills.  I can't beat them."

"Tias Diamalan must have true warriors around him," the old woman with Cam told them.  She looked at Jon.  "You may do."  She walked them off.  "Come.  The young one is off meditating."  They followed, glaring at Cam.  Cam glared back at Jon.

"What?" he hissed.

"Next time, stick up for your teammate, O'Neill.  He's not the courtesan of the SGC."

Jon stopped to turn to look at him.  "Excuse me?"

"When I got stuck, Landry sent Xander."

"Yeah, to get your stuck ass out."

"I got taken as a pleasure slave."

"Fuck," John said, turning to look at him.  "Are you okay?"

"Xander got there before he got pushy.  Told him I was only half trained and he was my teacher who had been ill."  He stared each one of them down.  "We're finding him a real boy or girlfriend."

"I agree," Jon said.  "Hell, I've been looking!"

"So, Landry sent him knowing that he'd have to...." Teyla asked.  Cam nodded.  "That is wrong."

"The general is thinking in terms of expedience, not harm," Teal'c said.  "He was upset when Ellis had to move to help that battle."

"Yeah, leaving us there because he left with the power thing," Cam told him.  "So, no, we're taking some training time because I can't beat these guys and Xander can't really without a weapon."

"Understood," Ronon said.  "We can fight for you both."

"I doubt even you three can beat them," Cam told him.  "But we're going to finish the training time.  They assured us it'll be fine."  They all nodded.  "Good.  Xander's meditating, rebuilding what he lost due to that battle."

"Good.  The last time I saw him he looked like a wraith had gotten him," John admitted.  He followed Cam back to the camp.  Xander was there floating.  "That's something I haven't seen."

"I saw it once but he can't connect to the earth in the base," Jon sighed.  "He was doing it on a pier on Atlantis because he could connect to the water."

"I like water," Xander mumbled.  "And your merpeople are nice."   He came down and stood up, stretching some before opening his eyes.  "Hi, guys.  Welcome to our spot out of time."  They stared.  He grinned.  "I realized that earlier because I'm kinda attuned to time now and then."  He bowed to the elders, who smiled and bowed back.  "I know I need to refill it but I need to brief them more right now."

"No, you need to finish that," Cam ordered.  "I can't have you at half power, Xander.  It's too important."

"You sure?  It's rude to ignore people."

"Do it," he ordered.  Xander nodded, dropping back down and finding his center fairly easily.  Within minutes he was floating again.  He led them into their hut.  Jon looked around then at him.

"I have slept in similar while I was in training," Teal'c admitted.

"Ours was an academy," Ronon admitted.

"I know many cultures who sleep this way," Teyla told them.

"We'll handle it," Jon agreed.  He sat down, looking at Cam.  "Okay, spill.  All I know is that Landry needed Xander for a special assignment."

Cam sighed, sitting down on his bedroll to tell them everything, including that Xander had looted.  John and Ronon though that was practical, vindictive, and useful.  Teyla frowned but decided he deserved it.  Teal'c scowled and Jon just shrugged.

"It is time to spar," the trainer said as he walked in.  "You said the new ones were better than you."

"They are."

"Good."  He nodded at the training area.  He looked them over, picking Teal'c first.  He lasted a good, long time but was defeated.

Jon stared.  "Damn."

"Very," Cam agreed.  "This is why Xander agreed we should stay here for a bit.  To learn."

"Granted," John said.  "Since Landry isn't here and I'm the highest ranking."  Cam punched him on the arm.  "Hey!"  Ronon went out next.  He was very good.  He lasted a good, long time.  He also fell.  Teal'c helped him up and praised what skills he had shown.  Teyla didn't last as long.  He overpowered her most of the time.  John was watching and he used the skills he had grown over the years, and been handed by the bug thing.

He could move faster, he could move in lighter ways than the trainer, who must have been six inches taller and about twice as wide as he was.  He too ended up on his back but it wasn't a bad showing.  He had lasted as long as Ronon did.  Jon stepped in and took a page from John's book.

He managed to get around him but it was at the expense of him eating some dirt a minute later.  He groaned and got up.  Cam walked into the ring and got to show what he had learned.  He used all the dirty tricks he had.  He got tossed into the group for kneeing him in the balls but Ronon and Teal'c made sure his landing was cushioned by catching him.  "Xander?" John called.

Xander hit the ground with a thump.  "Huh?" he asked, looking at them.

"Your turn," Jon ordered.

Xander got up, dusting off and coming over.  "Okay, big guy."  He rushed and Xander defended.  Not very well.  His mind was still cloudy.

"You must be able to use both skills at once, not let one take you over," the trainer chided once Xander was on the ground.  "I do not know how you survived so many wars."

"Weapons," Xander said dryly.  He got up and focused.

"Go like Sunnydale," Cam ordered.

Xander nodded at that, attacking in a chest strike.  The trainer looked pleased and fought back.  The boy was decent.  Almost.  Jon tossed Xander a staff.  The trainer got tossed one. Ah, that's where he excelled.  With weapons.   No wonder he had that reputation.  He did knock the boy down but he got tripped as well and the boy kept getting back up.  When his stick broke, he improvised with two sticks against his staff.  That was dangerous for him.  He would carry many bruises.  When he finally lost one, he almost staked him but Cam stepped in to bring him back from the edge.  He bowed.  "Better," he decided.  "You need to be able to drop into that state without losing yourself though."  He walked off to get those treated.  "Clean up.  The women said we're having a special dinner tonight."

"Sure," Cam agreed, looking at Xander.  "Anything beyond bruises?"

"No," Xander admitted.  "Thank you."  He hugged him.  "That's the first 'good job' I've gotten in a while."  He walked off.

Jon and John shared a look.  John led Cam off to get a full sit rep on how Xander was doing while Jon went to talk to him.  Teal'c, Ronon, and Teyla cleaned up first.  Then they joined them.  Xander was much more willing to talk about some things.  It was good for the boy.

12: Back At The Starting Point Again

Cam appeared on Atlantis, looking around.  The others appeared behind him.  Xander with his bag.  Xander checked and pouted.  "They said it was mean of you."

"So?"  He pulled out the painting.  "There, so someone can cut it up."

He smirked at that.  "Put it back."  Xander did that.  "We should probably call home."  He checked his watch.  "What time is it?"

Chuck looked at them.  "Three days after Colonel Sheppard disappeared from that same spot," he said.  "You worried us sick!  Was it ancients?"

"Something like that," Xander admitted.  "As old but not as technological."

"Okay.  The General wanted told if you guys reappeared."

"Let us get medical checks and we'll hike back there," John promised.  Rodney came storming in.  "We're fine."

"I doubt that!  You're covered in dust...  Xander?" he breathed.

"Yeah.  I know, Landry's special project took for fucking ever."

Rodney stared at him.  "Get checked over so I can yell at you for worrying us!"

"Yes, Mean Uncle Rodney."  He walked off.  "Guys, let's let the doctors do the pokey thing."  They groaned but headed to the infirmary.   "Docs, we're back."

"What were you doing!" Doctor Keller demanded.

"Well, let's see.  Landry decided I could go save Cam by going on my back, then we found some people to train us a bit better."  He stared at her.

"Excuse me?  You had sex while gone?"

"Not fully by choice but it sure beats being killed," he said dryly.  He hopped up onto a table.  "Now, can we get this done so I can go bitch, whine, complain, and let Rodney rant so he feels better?"

She got a scanner to run over them.  She stared at one result then glared at Cam.  "Really."

"That was relief, and private," he said firmly.  She growled.  "I'd never hurt Xander.  The Ori fleet commander might if they didn't blow him away."

"I did do a good job of taking that whole planet out," Xander decided.  "Started a zealot panic, which started a riot."  The ones who had been with him smirked at him.

Cam nodded.  "You did do good with that, Xander.   How's your reserves?"

"About eighty percent.  I need native energy to help with the rest."  They all nodded at that.  She released them with a grumble.  He stared at her.  "Please don't report that?" he asked quietly.  "He helped me a hell of a lot."

"Fine.  I won't."

"Thank you."  He left, dropping the bag in his room.  He looked around then at Rodney when they ran into him.  "Where's Armand?"

"With Daniel.  Landry wanted him somewhere safer."

"Hmm."  They walked through the gate to Midway and then to the SGC.  "Armand!" Xander bellowed.  He came running.  Xander looked at Landry.  "I'm not doing that again.  I don't care who's going to die."  He picked up his dragon, petting him.  "Hi.  I missed you."  The dragon cooed and leaned on his shoulder, snuffling him.  He snuffled Cam's hair, getting a pet back.

"The main objective was destroyed in space, during the battle," Landry said.  Cam handed over the papers.  "Thank you, boys."

"Never again, sir.  I agree with Xander.  I may love you guys and this job but never again."

"I had no idea you were going to be...."

Cam held up a hand.  "Respectfully, sir, you knew you were sending Xander up to do that.  Which was causing him problems.  He had burnout over that too.  Thankfully I'm a good person to help him."  He looked at his team when they walked in.  "There's one Ori planet down.  Xander caused a panic when they all got visions during a religious celebration.  They rioted."  Sam Carter smirked at that.  "You can go on the next one, Carter."  He looked at the General, who was looking disturbed.  "Sorry, General, but I'm not in the mood.  Really."  He petted the dragon again.  "Also, we ran into a long dead civilization."  He looked at Xander.  "Were they remnants?"

"Temporal spell left them there and out of time so that anyone who came to them would be taught.  That's why the six months was only three days on Atlantis."

"I liked that," John admitted.  "It was good training."  He patted Xander on the back.  "I'm glad your battle rage state is a bit less berserker and a bit more calm and reasonable."  Xander smirked at him.  "I know.  It helped."  He patted him again.  "So, General, anything interesting happen while we were gone?"

"Where did you go?"

"Their gate is destroyed," Jon admitted.  "We hiked back to look at it.  It was broken."  Xander nodded.  "Your doing?"

"Their doing."

"Then how?" Cam asked.

"The statue."

"Oh.  Okay.  The magic stuff still freaks me out a bit," he decided.

The general stared.  "Go to the debriefing room."  They walked that way.  He followed.  He sat down in his seat, looking at them.  "All right.  Let's start from the mission that went slightly off."

"No, sir, the person who helped me get into his household knew he wanted a pleasure slave," Cam told him.  "He said you knew it too."

"I would not...." Landry started.  Xander stared him down.  "You could have taken him out."

"Not really.  They would've realized it.  Especially with Adria on the planet."  He put the dragon into his lap.  "Thankfully the program pissed them off enough to get him out of the house.  We put his staff down for a long nap in a safe and secure vault.  Then we started to ransack things."

Cam tossed over the USB drive from Xander's stash.  "The library."  Daniel snatched it to look over.  "Xander got vindictive and took souvenirs."  Xander smiled sweetly.  "Including the gou'ald hand device."  Sam moaned at that.  "It only bruised."  Too many times and he would have nightmares about that.

"It's wearing out of power," Xander said, tossing that down from his back pocket.  She got it to look at.  "And just in case we think you're missing out on the presents, we did bring everything we had from his desk on their troop movements, staffing of their fleet, and all that," Xander finished.  Cam pointed at the papers.  He leaned back, petting his dragon.

"That is a lot of information," the general said calmly.  "Then what happened?"

"The riots started, Ellis and the ship were out of orbit so we took a small statue I had noticed had power stored in it and went to their home world, general.  That's where we were training for six months."

"They decided to steal us so there were warrior kings, as they put it, sir, in the battle," John added.

Jon nodded.  "It was nice we found people who're tougher than Teal'c and Ronon together, sir.  I learned a lot for all the time that I spent on my back in the dirt."

"Indeed, they are very good warriors," Teal'c agreed.  "I learned new techniques myself and some on how to train better."

Ronon nodded.  "They were tougher than I am and got Xander's battle rage calmed down to a more reasonable point."

Xander nodded.  "Taught me how to use the sticks Teyla was teaching me before.  Showed her a few things."  She nodded at that.  "I got to rebuild a bit more of my reserves as well."

"That's a good thing to have happen.  Are these people going to be allies?"

"They're stuck in a temporal bubble.  If they came out of it, they'd probably turn to dust because they haven't really been there since before the Ori came to wipe out the rest of their planet.  They've been in there since Camelot was thriving."

"Oh I see."  He looked over the papers.  "This is very useful information."

"I was hoping so, sir," Cam agreed.  "You know, I don't ache as much as I did the first day."

"Training is like that," John agreed.  "I learned a lot on how to use the skills I have, sir.  It was good to take that extra time after they stole us.  They knew we'd be on the forefront of the war with the Ori and the wraith."  Everyone nodded.   "Speaking of, we want Harris and his team permanently.  They seem to fit better on Atlantis because our linguists don't make him do all their work.  He can also sense the wraith.  The Genii are scared to death of pissing him off thanks to the last episode.  And we really like the goofball."

"Awww, thank you," Xander cooed.

"Welcome."  He looked at the head general.   "When we get rid of the wraith, we're going to be bringing Atlantis back here, right?"

"That is the plan," he agreed.  "If McKay can solve the power problem."

"Those asshole ancients we were hosting taught him how to make safe ZPM's and with ours it's very safe and useable.  He did a test lift-off and it went well, didn't drain the power hardly at all."

"Fine," he agreed.  "Are you sure?  Harris has ties down here like Summers."

Daniel coughed.  "Sir, she'd be safer on Atlantis.  Especially since she's learning from Xander's books.  By the way, I took the smut in Latin from her, Xander."  Xander shrugged.  "Fine, but still."

"It's fine, Daniel.  Not like she doesn't know.  How's her family?"

"Buffy's got 'I lived too long' syndrome," Carter told him.  Xander scowled.  "Her mom's still in ill health.  The chemotherapy wrecked her immune system, which it does to most people, but she's in relatively stable shape.  She caught a cold and ended up in the hospital for two weeks."  Xander nodded once at that.  "Buffy did ask that you take custody of Dawn because she and her mother could not handle it yet."

"Which means you can't go to Atlantis," Landry finished.  "She's not cleared to be on a classified project, no matter how bright she is."

"And the fact they were hiding things in the sister of a slayer.  Yes of course I'll take Dawn if I can.  However we can work things out."

"How did they do that?" Landry asked.

"They were trying to protect it," Xander told him.  "There's not a whole lot safer places from an insane goddess than a slayer's home."

"I like the mouthy little brat too," Cam said.  "Even if she does think all pilots are gay."

"There may be another way," Xander admitted.  "At least until we can get Atlantis back here."

"How would you move your office?" Daniel asked.

"The same way I moved it last time.  I'll pack it up, carry it up there on the ship, then unpack it in a closet they find me."  He shrugged.  "By the way, I'm finding mentions of another mythical city, an older one."  Daniel stiffened.  "I have no idea and I was working on it while I healed."

"If you do, I want to know the minute you have anything on it," John ordered.

"Of course, big brother."

"Thank you."  He looked at the others then back at the general.  "There's not many ATA carriers who might be able to activate it if we do find one."

Xander nodded.  "Me, Dawn.  Does Faith have it?"

"Lightly," Daniel admitted.  "I'd like to see it too, Xander."

"Is my laptop still up there?"

"Yes, Faith guarded all your stuff until you came back.  She said you came back from things she thought was hell, that you could come back from this too."  Xander grinned and let out a one-sided shrug.  Dawn was let in and flung herself at Xander, getting hugged back.

"I want to learn how to handle things," she said, looking at him.  "I know Mom's sick again.  I know Buffy's got issues."

He kissed her on the head.  "I think I can work something out as a preliminary training area."  She beamed.  "It's overseas."

"Foreign hotties?"

"Some."  He gave her a cuddle and Armand let her into his lap for now.  He just sat on top of both of them.  She petted the dragon.  "So, I need to find anything else about that."  They all nodded.  "We need to find a way to kill off the wraith for good.  Then we can move Atlantis somewhere safer.  Teyla, Ronon?"

"I do not know," she admitted.  "My people are there."

Ronon shrugged.  "There's not much for me outside of the wraith."

"Ronon, this is Dawn.  Once she joins us, I want you to help me train her.  Teal'c agreed to act as her protector when I'm not local."

He stared at her then at him.  "She's adorably young."

"She's almost sixteen.  That's the lesser stage of adulthood age.  You can drive, have sex in some states, date, all that stuff.  In two years she'd be a full adult."

"I can see why you would worry.  She is pretty, wiggly, and wears tight clothing like Faith does."  Dawn stuck her tongue out.  "That does not make you seem more innocent."  Xander beamed at him.  "I can work on her self-defense when she becomes local to us."

"Cool.  Sam, Daniel, where did you guys want to do her education?"

"The US is getting more dangerous," Sam said quietly.

"What about... Wales?  Or England if I can keep the asshole Watchers away from her?"

"That might work.  There's a good college up there, some excellent schools," Daniel admitted.  Dawn squealed and leaned over to hug him too.  "We want you to be able to follow Xander's impressive footsteps."

"Of course I will.  Would Mom agree, Xander?"

He pulled out his phone to call her.  "Joyce, Xander.  Of course I want her but small issue.  I'm going to be out of the US on a classified project for about six months but I do have a way.  A very good friend could use her skills I do believe.  It's safer.  It's in Wales.  Yes, as in by England.  They do a lot of the same things and he could use a big brother moment, plus there's an excellent school that Daniel and them can work with.  Would it be okay until I get back?  Being debriefed and I'd introduce them myself.  Please?"  He grinned.

"Definitely.  Jack loathes the Council.  Thanks, Mom.  Feel better?" he begged quietly.  "I'll try to stay out of trouble and away from bad girls if you try to get better."  She laughed but it was weak and she agreed.  "Cool.  I'll bring her back for a bit then over there.  I can do that.  Why are you in our hole of a hospital?"  He groaned.  "I should kick their asses too.  That's nice of them, yeah.  We'll be there soon."  He hung up.  "She agreed as long as the Watchers could not get you.  I don't think you'll have a problem."  She hugged him around the neck.  "That's my Dawnstar."  She grinned.  "General?"

"Permission granted.  I'd like to see her safely somewhere as well, Harris.  Then perhaps we should talk?"

Xander looked at him.  "No talking needed, General.  My ass only goes to ones I like from now on.  I'm tired of being a whore for things I need now and then.  It got old back in Rome.  I don't want this one showing up pouting and I really want someone who wants me for more than what my ass can give them."  He stood up.  "Going to see Ianto.  Armand?"  Dawn cuddled him.  He took her to visit her mom, then to Wales.  He appeared, looking around.  "I still say you guys need paint."

Jack came out of his new office, staring at him.  "Are you giving tours now?"

"Not quite.  This is Dawn Summers."

"Hi," he said, waving at her.

She smiled and waved.  "Why does your office have protections written in Ancient?"

He looked then at her and smirked.  "How much do you know of that language, young lady?"

"Some.  I'm learning from Doctor Jackson and them.  I'm going to follow Xander."

"But I'm going to be wayyyy far away for the next six or seven months," Xander said bluntly.  He stared Jack down.  "She'll be enrolled in a local school of Daniel's choosing."

He came down the stairs.  "What else can you do?"

"I've watched my sister hunt every night."

"Which is why you'll never be a watcher," Xander told her.  She looked at him.  "You couldn't handle the field watcher position, Dawn, so you'd end up being a research watcher."  She nodded that was true.  "Which means watching girls that you come to care for go out every night of their lives."  She shuddered and shook her head.  "So, liking this better?"

"Much better."  She smiled at Jack.  "I need someone to shop with me and to teach me things that I can't learn in school but I might need following him."

"She is learning a lot of languages," Xander offered.  "She doesn't care if you and Ianto get it on in front of her because she'd probably sit there and watch.  She's got my dirty mind.  She was reading my Latin smut the other day."

"It's good she's open minded," he said dryly.

"She's seen her sister hunt.  She has very little self defense.  You need someone to handle the office while you're off handling things and she's used to the weird since her sister's a slayer on the hellmouth.  All I ask is that you take care of her for me, teach her how to handle things because she's going to the SGC, and you guys act like big brothers."

Jack considered it.  "We do need someone to watch the computers."

"You can't be serious," Gwen complained.  "She's underage!"

"Sweetie, my sister hunts down demons.  Has since she was my age.  She and this one here have faced *so* many apocalypses."  She looked at Jack.  "Can you keep the idiot Council from me?" she asked quietly.

"They think we're imbeciles," Ianto said from his desk.

She smiled at him.  "I feel the same way about them."  She looked at Jack.  "I'll try my best not to be a problem.  Maybe now and then I'll beg for help shopping.  Gay men are supposed to be able to shop."

"Ask Ianto for that," he said with a smirk.

"That's fine, I can do that."

"Won't your mother mind?" Gwen demanded.

"Maybe, if she weren't laid low right now by an infection since the chemo lowered her immune system."  Gwen shrank back.  "I'm not the usual fashionable girl, ma'am.  I have sense.  I've seen combat, even though I was too young to participate.  I've been kidnaped, I know why people would take me for power.  Frankly, I'm safer over here because you guys only have the idiots at the Watcher Council over here."

"Now and then we get aliens," Jack admitted.

She looked at him.  "I saw that."  He grinned.  "Good job."  He beamed.  "I can make brownies in reward and handle things like tracking duties.  The guys who came to help my sister showed me how to use their systems for location updates and things."

"I think we can," he told her then looked at Xander.  "You sure?  It's dangerous."

"She's from the hellmouth, Jack.  She had to stake a vamp after walking out on the porch one night.  The demons all want to take care of her or kidnap her.  She's a lot safer over here, aliens, Watchers, and all."

"I can agree with that.  That town's a cesspool of problems.  We have a rift, Miss Summers.  It's a temporal and sometimes dimensional rift.  Things come through."  He pointed up at the pterodactyl.

She smiled and waved.  "Willow said you were going to eat her if she fucked up."  She smiled at Jack.  "Do you guys have demons?"

"No.  We do have some harmful species that we capture."

She scowled, hands going to her hips.  "You don't torture them like the Initiative did, right?"

"No.  We do lock them up to keep people safe.  We don't experiment, torture, or have fun with them."  She relaxed and nodded.  "How is Spike?"

"Moping over my sister's period."  Jack burst out laughing.  "Yes, I'm still blunt.  Vala enjoyed me this way."

"I can enjoy that as well."  He looked at Ianto.  "Do you think we can be surrogate big brothers for six months or so?"

"I think we can manage and perhaps make her skirts a bit longer."

Dawn looked down then at him.  "What's wrong with my skirt?"

"It's fairly short," he pointed out.

"Yeah, because boys like them that way."

"Yes, but those sort, you don't want."

"Why?" she asked.

"They want panty and pussy points," Xander said bluntly, staring at her.  "Your sister went out in clubbing clothes and half the times they wanted to rip it off her.  Have some taste and learn how to be subtly enticing.  That way you don't look slutty but you get more play.  Classy women are chased and wooed.  Sluts are bedded in the backseat of a car."

"I guess."

He smirked.  "Teal'c will be a good big brother.  So will Ronon."

She sighed.  "Oh, please!  I'll never get a date."  Jack smirked and nodded at that.  "Damn.  Did you date at my age?"

"He's a slut," Ianto told her.  "He dated many things."

"Ah.  My sister's one of those.  She dates vamps."

Jack patted her on the shoulder.  "We'll get along just fine, Dawn.  Tell me what Xander painted around my door?"  She muttered it and he burst out laughing but Armand and Xander had left.  "I need to spank him someday."

She grinned.  "We just want him to date better bad girls."

"How is he doing on that?"

She lost the smile.  "The general there just asked him to save that nice guy Cam by going on his back in Cam's place."

"Shite," Ianto muttered.  "No wonder he looked upset."

Jack nodded.  "I can agree with that.  So, what can you do?" he asked her.

"I'm a pretty good spy.  I can handle a computer and Daniel promised if I passed physics, I could learn hacking from Rodney.  I'm doing good learning languages and self defense.  Teal'c was making sure of it."

"She's still underage, we can't put her in the field," Gwen complained, coming over.  Dawn got her off her feet and out of breath from hitting the floor.  "How did you...."

"Teal'c.  He knew every woman needs to know how to defend herself.  Especially the pretty, young ones."  She smiled.  Ianto burst out laughing, shaking his head.  "Do you really think this skirt is too short?" she asked Jack.

"I don't usually wear skirts but yeah, I think so.  Especially for Wales since we have weather and your part of California doesn't."

"Oooh, weather?  Like rain and snow?"

"Definitely."  He called Xander's cellphone.  "She needs stuff to set her up."  He hung up and a few minutes later Ianto's computer beeped with a new email.  He looked it over.  "Housing, food, and clothing allowance.  Now, what can you do with a communications system, young lady?"

She looked it over and turned it on, including the trackers.  She smiled at him.  "I can call and pass messages too."

"We can teach you the rest," he decided.  "By the time you go, you can be our liaison to the SGC and possibly UNIT."

"You guys were really mean when you got Willow."

"She deserved it."  Jack smiled but stared her down.  "Will you have such problems?"

"No, I have a coven on my ass thanks to him."  She gave him a look back.  "Beyond that, I don't need more power.  I have plenty, thanks.  Unless you can introduce me to Draco Malfoy?  I'm in my bad boy phase."  Ianto shook his head, walking off cackling now.  She beamed.  "At least I won't be following my sister's lead and screwing the vampire with a soul that went bye-bye because of said screwing.  He's really broody and emo is just *not* my type."

"You and I will get along just fine, Dawn," Jack decided.  He walked her off to get a full history.  It wasn't much but yeah, he knew that already from questioning Willow.  She was very observant so she could tell him about the former Initiative people and their new unit too.  He knew Martha Jones hated them.  Ianto came back with coffee and Dawn nearly swooned on him.  "I don't share," he told her, taking his own coffee.

"Hey, my sister had gay porn that I watched, I'm all for being gay.  You, Xander, whoever.  It's all good," she said, taking a sip and moaning.  "Do you have pilot porn like Buffy does?"

"I don't need it," Jack assured her.  "I have Ianto."  Who smiled slightly.

She gave him a pat on the arm.  "Way to go.  You got a medal in the man olympics.  Help me find a bad boy I'll enjoy?"

"Not a chance we'll agree to have you debauched for less than the possible end of the world."

"Shoot."  She shrugged.  "Maybe introduce me so I can drool and stare then?"

"Maybe," Jack agreed, walking them off to talk about some of things they had.  She could translate some things Tosh hadn't gotten around to.  Xander was being sneaky in her education.

***

Xander walked into his office and pulled everything into a temporary trunk.  "There," he said, looking around his closet.

"Did you finally quit or did they fire you for being so flaming and a pain in the ass?" one of the other linguists said snidely.

"Neither.  I'm going to Atlantis."  She growled.  "Maybe if you did your work you could go too."  Daniel walked up to them. "Problems?  You don't look happy."

"I'm perfectly happy.  I'm going with you to look over this new mythical city stuff."  He looked at the other linguist.  "While we're gone, try to get something done for a change."  She huffed off.

"She asked if I got fired for being flaming."

Daniel said something that basically translated as 'let her fuck a goat' in Chinese.  Xander replied the goat would be pitiful for years and would need to be put down in Korean.  Daniel nodded.  "True.  I'd pity it."  He went to his office.  "You have to pack your room."

"Going."  He went to do that, floating his trunk after him so no one bothered it.  So he had two trunks. Plus his carry-on bag with shampoo and stuff since he had forgotten the bathroom.

"I want that skill," Daniel complained as he packed.

"I want a way to travel like a tardis so I don't have to worry about packing."

"If you build one, you're taking me," Daniel said.

"Sure, boss."  He put his trunks down and helped Daniel gather what he might need, including a few books he knew came from his own library.  Daniel smiled at that.  "The ship?"

"Ellis is in orbit waiting on us to pack."  He grabbed some clothes and followed.  Xander let him put his bags on top of his trunks and they got floated to the gate room.  He saluted the general.  "I'll be back in a few weeks."

"Call me if Adria shows up," Xander told him, shaking his hand.  "I'll blip back."  That got a nod.  He put his comm earpiece in.  "Colonel Ellis, Harris and Jackson to beam up with a small pile of stuff."  They were beamed up without the stuff.  That got sent up afterward.  Armand got beamed up when he ran in.  Xander looked at him.  "I thought you were with me."

"From the look on his mouth, he was stealing hershey's from the botanists again," Daniel joked.

Colonel Ellis walked into the beaming room to meet them.  "Harris, I'm sorry we were pulled away."

"I'm not fully.  It was good to go train with those others."  He shook his hand.  "Can we bunk down?"

"Of course.  Hi, Armand.  Will you have an upset stomach?"

"As long as he hasn't been eating wood he should be fine.  If he does, don't feed him pepto."

"I heard."  He led them to their quarters.  "You know it takes a week."

"That's fine.  I could use the rest," Xander admitted.  He got smiled at.  "We're cool.  Thank you, Colonel."

"Welcome."  He left the two super geeks alone to talk since they were sharing a bunk room.

Daniel looked at Xander.  "Are you okay with the last mission?"

"No, I feel pretty used.  Landry knew I was going for that."  He tossed his comm earpiece on Daniel's bed.  "I guess he decided once a concubine to save your life, the next time's easier or something."

"I don't think he thought of it that way, Xander.  Just that you could handle it if it went bad."

Xander shrugged.  "Cam and I spent a lot of time talking."

"I noticed you're happier.  Smiles are brighter and go to your eyes again."  He gave him an impulsive hug.  "It'll be okay.  I promise."  He laid down.  "Take a nap?"

"Yeah, it's a good time for a nap."  He and Armand curled up together.  He had missed his baby dragon while he was gone.

"Are Jack's team going to be able to handle Dawn?"

"Yup and I think she'll get a lot of the practical experience she'll need without going military that way."

"That's good."   He shifted, watching Xander curl up tighter.  He got up and went to sit beside him.  Cam had told him it helped his nightmares.  He petted the boy's head and it helped him drift off.  Yeah, this had to be handled.  Landry couldn't have meant for Xander to use his ass for currency, right?  Or Cam's?

***

Xander smiled as his earpiece connected with Atlantis' main channel and Rodney chewing someone a new one.  "Fine, I won't bring more books with me," he shot back.  Rodney spluttered and told him to get down there.  "We're nearly there.   Ellis is driving, not me.  I don't have the experience to drive something this massive."  He hung up and they gathered things back together so they could be beamed down.  He smiled at Ellis.  "See, I'm not a bad backseat driver, no matter what Caldwell said."

"He didn't, kid.  You guys ready?"  He checked the floating furniture and dragon.  "Good."  He beamed Daniel down.  Then Xander and his trunks and the dragon last.  Then he went to have a cup of real coffee for a bit.  The kid had been having nightmares for days.

***

Xander landed and looked at his trunks than dragon appeared.  "Daniel, your stuff all here?"

"I think so."  He looked at the staring people.  "What?"  Sheppard got beamed down with Jon and Ronon.  "We thought you guys came back through the gate."

"Midway was having power problems.  So we spent the trip being bored while you two rested."

"I did need a nap.  So, Major Lorne, I need somewhere I can totally corrupt into my office."

"We're not sure if you can do that up here, Xander."

"I can at least try."

"Sure.  Let me look it over.  You still have the same room."  Xander grinned.  "Doctor Jackson, are you staying?"

"For a bit, Major.  Xander thinks he found mentions of another city."

"Wonderful.  I wonder if they have wraith there."  He found him a room.  "Here you go," he said, coming down to hand him the slip.  "All yours, Doctor Jackson."  Daniel smiled at him.  "Have a good rest."

"We slept the whole trip," Daniel admitted.  He took his bags and went to find his room with Jon following to talk to him.

Xander saw the unhappy looks.  "What?" he asked.

"You asked to be switched off the main base?" Woolsey asked.

"Yes.  Because my ass isn't currency."  Woolsey gasped.  "So I need an office."  He smiled.

"I'm sure we can find an empty one.  What did you find on a new city?"

"I found dual mentions of different versions of Alexandria before it was a city. Then they started calling it Nila.  They said it was sunk as well but I'm trying to figure out where."

"That's fine.  Being here means you are under my authority."  Xander pointed at John and then Rodney.  "No, I'm the head of this base."

"The offer still stands for me to translate things from Bermuda.  I'm not going to change who I am for anyone, Woolsey.  Deal with me as I am, caffeine addiction and all."  He walked around them.  "Let me unpack in my room.  Atlantis has a few funny areas about magic."

"No magic on the city," Woolsey ordered.

Xander looked at him then snorted.  "I have more books than some college libraries.  I'm going to set back up my office so I can get into them when I need them.  Like on the main base, feel free to give me a closet and I'll make due."

"No magic and no blipping."

Xander stared at him.  "Woolsey, I'm here because I traveled that way and because I can do magic.  I'm one of the few who can win an all out argument with Adria."  He shuddered.  "I don't use it for bad things, even when you piss me off, but I won't allow myself to be fucked with.  I'll gladly go back on the ship and hit Bermuda.  That's not a problem."

"I don't want that stuff up here."

"Too late."  He walked off.  "I'm still listed as a political conscript.  That means the IOA doesn't own me.  If I'm not, I'm going to retire.  Find a good boyfriend, all that."  He waved over his shoulder.  Armand hopped up to get a ride, earning a smirk.  "Lazy," he teased.  Armand yawned and curled up.  Xander found his room a mess.  He sighed and straightened it then unpacked the bedroom trunk the easy way, stretching his own room.   Ah, nice, big, empty bed.  Armand hopped up on it and Xander put down the trunks for now.  He could unpack the other one.  The rest of the things that had been in here he let drop into this new version.  Even though he knew he wasn't that messy.  He'd deal with whoever had searched his rooms later.

***

Xander looked around his space and shook his head.  "No, this one's shielded."  He looked at Lorne.  "That one to keep out ascended is going to screw with it."

"Damn.  I wanted to see your office."

Xander shrugged.  "Move me somewhere outside the main tower then."  Lorne gave him an evil smirk.  "It worked in my room.  My bed's very comfy to rest on.  Much comfier than the one you guys gave me."

"Where's yours?"

"Shrank in a corner as a seat."

"I guess that works."

"Who was in my room?"

"Faith."

"No wonder it was messy," he said, cracking the major up.  "Okay, whisk me away to a beautiful place with a view and maybe a window that opens?  I'd even take an eyrie."

He grinned.  "I know a room that might be useful then.  It's tiny.  It's above the metal shops."

"I can bang out a pretty decent sword but it's not my best talent."  He and his trunk followed him through the transporter.  Though the trunk had some problems so Xander just sent it there ahead of them.  Lorne walked out and around it.  Xander caught it and they walked into the small office area.  It was decent by Atlantis standards.  Xander beamed, opened the trunk, and threw his library up.  Including the spare door that got put into the main room.

The weapons were all there.  His couches.  The books Daniel had confiscated.  The extra trunks of porn from his room that Vala had said she had locked in his office away from the nosy sorts.  Though she did admit she had taken two or three for herself.  He beamed at Lorne, who gave him a stunned look.  Xander switched the couch down by the window and the chairs.  He petted Morticia and Gomez.  They had been in stasis.  His plants were fine in his nursery.   He closed that door and opened the balcony, sighing in pleasure.   "Ah, better."

"Wow," Lorne said, looking at the books.  "Hey, normal english books."  Xander grinned at him.  "Can I?"

"I never mind as long as you guys don't ruin them."

Lorne got a few and looked around again.  "Wow, Xander."  Xander beamed.  "McKay's going to be jealous."

"He's been in my office before."

"That's cool.  The linguists won't want to come up here."

"They're allowed as long as they don't ruin my books too."  He looked and plugged in his mini fridge.  He tossed the bad stuff out the window and into the water.  Where it was eaten by some of the fish.  He tossed out the toxic milk into the recycler and then smiled at him.  "Sorry."

"It's okay."  He shook his head when the sodas from Xander's stash got put in there.  "Can you actually run out and get more?"

"Yeah, but I'd have to pick a safe target on earth."  He shrugged.  "I usually pick Times Square.  No one notices anything there."

"You'll get in trouble."

"Probably."  He grinned.  "It's cool.  I can get milk some other way.  The other stuff was for Morticia and Gomez from the mess."

"I can see why.  Is she...reaching for me?"

"Yup, she thinks you'd make a wonderful snack, Lorne."  He laughed and left the room.  Xander settled in to open his laptop and get back to what he had been doing.  "Good afternoon, AI."

"Good afternoon, Xander," she said, her image appearing beside him.  "Did you have a good trip?"

"Not necessarily but it was productive.  I'm up here for at least six months so let's see what we can do, focusing on Nila today please."  She moved that to his computer and then disappeared.  "Thank you."

"You are welcome.  You have visitors."

"I don't mind.  Even the huffy ones," he said when he spotted Woolsey with Daniel and John.  "I moved the sub-library out here."

"I noticed."  He looked.  "Are you going to move your stuff to that closet?"

"I'm contemplating most of it."  He grinned.  "This is what I have so far on Nila, Daniel."

John plucked a few books off.  "Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome.  Don't let anyone move Morticia into direct sunlight.  She withers."

"She's an Addams, of course she does," he agreed dryly.  He petted both plants and avoided being eaten.  "Botany wants to compare Morticia to some tentacle plants we found up here."

"Not a problem.  Tell them to bring her some meat without bones.  I'll start saving part of dinner."

"I can do that."  He left before Woolsey could finish losing his temper.

"I did not want this up here, Mr. Harris."

Xander looked at him.  "Woolsey, do you want me to be polite or blunt?"  He flinched.  "I don't care what you want.  I'm up here to translate.  I'm not going to leave this stuff somewhere someone can get into it or my plants will die.  Most of my collection is priceless.  So no, I'm not going to leave it in a box either.  Then I'd never be able to find it.  I do work in a logical method beyond expanding my office."

"Others will get jealous."

"Then they can buy the stuff to let me expand theirs.  I bought my own and they can buy theirs.  If they do and they're not in the main building where the ascended shield is, I can do that."

"We keep everyone down there for power reasons."

"I gave you guys a massive power source," he said dryly.  "The two pouting Ancients you have around here gave you safer ZPM's.  Beyond that, there's times I work by candlelight."

"The other linguists won't want to come up here."

"It's not like I'm some princess in a tower.  You don't need to climb up my hair.  I can also go down for meetings.  Besides, I don't think that's a problem.  They had no problem on base coming up a flight of stairs to get into mine and Daniel's offices.  It's easier here."

"I don't like it," he said firmly.  "I am the head of this expedition and you will do as I say."

Xander chuckled.  "Woolsey, you're not the head of this expedition, O'Neill is.  He can complain to the IOA and get you removed."  Woolsey glared at him.  "Since he hasn't I guess you're decent at this.  But I'm not under IOA control.  I haven't been under IOA control.  I'm not going to be under IOA control or I'll go to the press."  Woolsey flinched at that.  "Especially since three of them have sent me death threats again," he finished blandly.  "I could care less what your opinion is on anything.  My job is to translate things.  If I'm on a field team and going to do something, that's one thing."

"You could be vulnerable if we get attacked."

"I'll probably be beating the hell out of them and I can shield my office, Woolsey.  I can put up a shield that no wraith will ever get through.  Or Genii.  Or even a replicator.  I can make it so the only one who can walk in is me and Sheppard.  Because I *trust* him."  He stared him down, seeing when he got it.  "I've already had my fill of assholes who want to use me.  I'm doing my job.  I created this extra space and when I go it'll go with me.  The same as my bedroom will.  All I ask for is a bit of quiet now and then.  That's not too much to ask, right?"  He shook his head.

"Good!  Then don't bitch at me because you feel the need to top anyone new!  I'm not your bitch.  I'm not Landry's bitch!  The only one who has any say over me is O'Neill and he turned over that right to Sheppard and Daniel, or McKay if Daniel isn't up here.  I might go alone now and then when I want to or when I think it's necessary but I'm not going to bend things to your will.  The IOA is not getting any future tech.  They're not getting any past tech, or future knowledge.  So you can tell them to tongue me.  I did before I left."

"Others will complain."

"Half of everyone doesn't want to be around me anyway, Woolsey.  They all know I'm a bit weird thanks to blipping and being around for seventy fucking centuries."  Woolsey gasped.  "In the gym, I get the new guys, not the experienced ones.  They all know I'm going to kick their asses.  The new guys hear I'm a bit strange thanks to that and they back away too.  The military mindset doesn't allow for differences," he said dryly.  "Now, anything else you wanted to whine to me about that I don't give a damn about?"

"Your office is shrinking."

"AI, please remove the ascended shield from my office and above.  I don't think we have anything above me, right?"  Woolsey shook his head.  It was removed and Xander expanded it out again with a sigh, then locked it down.   He locked it every way he could and felt the city protest.  He had a silent battle with the city and he won because it was a computer and was programmed to obey.  It quit fighting the magic in that one tower.   He sighed and locked things down again once he had it perfect.  It stayed.  He beamed.  "I even got the AI to quit fussing at magic.  I'll have to check my bedroom later."  The AI appeared. "Is my bedroom still all right?"

"Yes, Xander.  We extended the benefits of your office to your bedroom.  It will be vulnerable during an attack."

"I can shield it better than even yours, so that no one but me can walk into it," he told her.

"That is wise then.  Someone is in there right now."  Xander blipped and came back twenty minutes later.   "Is it fixed?" she asked.

"Quite, thank you."  She bowed and left.  He looked at Woolsey.  "Had to deal with the same shrinking problem but Faith was in there looking for a shirt.  I needed to take her shopping."

"You did what?" he asked.

"Took her shopping and got stuff for the plants."  He put the bags down and loaded his mini fridge with the lunch meat.  "There."  He tossed the extras over since he hated putting them in stasis.  They gobbled up the meat and Gomez was smoking happily again.

"Has Botany seen them?" he asked.

"Yes.  The one on Earth has one of Morticia's old tentacles planted.  Lorne said the local ones might want to look at them.  I don't mind."

"Is that blipping dangerous?"

"It's nice you care, Woolsey, but this is my blippy.  It's not going to run out of power and strand me somewhere, or I have a backup.  It's running on the power of a harnessed sun."  Woolsey shuddered at that fact.  "No, it's not dangerous in my hands.  In others, it may be but they won't be getting it."  He sat down at his work table and felt Atlantis probing his office.  He called his laptop over and ended that subroutine to sense magic.  It stopped.  "I turned off the subroutine to sense magic since I know it's gotten Faith at least once."

"That's fine.  Can it call other things or pinpoint our location?"

"It's a very minute energy output when I blip through time and space.  None when I just teleport back to earth.  Which is why it's better I'm up here in case I need to run out for more soda."

"We have coffee."

"Ick."

"Fine."  He stared at him.  "I don't want you showing off.  Others are feeling that you're getting special privileges."

"I do but I'm also conscripted."

"I'll point that out."  He put the book he had been looking at back.  "Smut in Greek?"

"Yeah, I have smut in most languages I know.  It's easy to learn on because you know what it's saying."

"I don't want to know."  He left.

Xander looked through his porn stash.  Then he called a few Marines he knew in person up.  "These go into the porn closet please."

"Gay smut?" one asked, grimacing.

"Het smut, gay smut, bi smut, even some anime smut."  He looked at him.  "Even something with tentacles, though I'd never let Morticia play with my heart that way."  They snorted but carried them off.  "Thanks, guys.  I kept my favorites so that's free game."  They nodded at that.  Xander got back to work on the translation, moving back to his couch.

Rodney walked in and looked.  "You made it bigger?" he demanded.

"I moved the sub library out into the open."  He smiled at him.  "Come see."  Rodney came over to read over his shoulder.  "Is that not another city?"

"It sounds like it."  He frowned.  "What did you stop in the computer?"

"The anti-magic sub routine.  I need to check my bedroom again.  Do you have Armand?  I left him sleeping on the bed."

"No, I don't.  Go check."  Xander teleported down there and fixed things, including finding the dragon and bringing him back.  "With Ronon?"

"On the bed that Atlantis was trying to banish."  He got into another section of his computer and fixed that problem for good then went back and fixed his bedroom, even though Jon was standing in the doorway.  He sighed and went back to his office.  "There."

"You hack?" Rodney asked dryly.

"No.  Not quite."

John Sheppard strolled in.  "Your bedroom's still fine.  What did you just end?  It pinged the command center computers and created a glowing dot."

"The anti-magic stuff."  He let Rodney look over his shoulder and fix whatever he had done.  "Thank you, Mean Uncle Rodney.  I don't know how you guys sleep on those beds."

Rodney gave his head a shove.  "You get used to it."  He looked at John, who was calling.  It worked and the light had went out.  They moved Xander's bedroom and dragon up to the suite at the end of the hall and it was better.  Everything worked well.  The stretching stayed.  A few people stared at his huge personal tv.  Especially Faith.  She even made a quip about porn.  Then they went to his office and groaned about it.  Faith played with Gomez's affection by not letting him bite her fingers but teasing him with them.  She stayed away from tentacles as a rule so Morticia got to watch.

Xander beamed at them.  "Welcome to my office," he told his fellow linguists when they appeared.  "Yes you can borrow books but they're priceless first editions.  Most in original printing.  Got it?"  They beamed and went to look.  One took a Summerian smut novel and the other took a Latin one with a blush.  "It's easier to learn to translate on smut."  He grinned.  They agreed this was fine and they could come help him with whatever soon.  Rodney shooed them off finally to go work.  He and John shared a look and he left.

John sat down on the foot of the couch, looking at him.  "It's probably one of the best views in the city," he admitted.

"It's fresh air and a breeze."

"It is."  He looked at him.  "I understand about you and Cam," he said quietly.  Xander shrugged.  "I know it was casual.  If you're going to flirt up here, be cautious.  Some of our Marines are uptight."

"I heard the last time I was here."

"Good."  He stood up.  "I know it's hard, Xander.  We all agreed, all of us who know you pretty well, that you need a real boyfriend sometime.  Preferably soon."  Xander gave a small shrug at that, not looking at him.  "If you find one up here, then I'm all for it.  Let me know and I'll help protect you two."  Xander blinked up at him.  "I know why Cam came to you too.  I couldn't stand watching you do that to save my ass either."  He patted him on the head.  "Just relax and if it happens it does.  We like it when you relax.  Even when you don't spoil us by letting us borrow books."  Rodney brought two back in.  "Were they mistreating them?"

"No, they were translating smut on work time instead of working."  He scowled at Xander.

"There's some in the database."

"Don't tell them that!" he complained, walking off again.  "They can have it back after they're done for the day."

"Sure."  He smiled at John.  "I gave up hiding who I was after all that, John."

"I can agree with that.  You should be able to be yourself.  You've earned that right, just by being in the project.  I'm sure Landry's swearing at himself over that."  He sighed, staring at him.  "If it happens, let it.  Even if it's just for fun.  It could help."

"Maybe.  I don't know anymore.  I'm more screwed up after that, though Cam helped a lot."

"I know.  It helped to have someone who was there because they liked you, not because they wanted to use you.  Personally I think Landry should've gotten someone from the CIA who's used to it."  He left, taking the books back with him.  He gave them back to the linguists.  "For after work, guys.  Xander said there's smut in the more ancient sections of the database."

"Who's this Nila we keep running into?" one asked.

"Xander's working on that with Jackson.  Send all those to him."  They nodded and sent him section mentions so he could include it.  John went to his office, stopping in Woolsey's.  "We're his healing spot.  Leave him alone."

"What did Landry do?  He seems more bitter now."

John walked in and had the door close behind him.  "Landry sent Cameron Mitchell on a mission to infiltrate an Ori Fleet Commander's home by pretending to be his staff.  They had a contact who could get him in.  Landry swears he didn't know that it was to be his pleasure slave."  Woolsey went pale.  "When he found that out, you saw him summon Xander, who had to deal with that issue in the past and sent him after Mitchell."  Woolsey threw up.  "I think that was about Xander's reaction.  He's had to protect himself before and this brought up bad memories.  Landry lost his unwavering support from Xander by basically having him sell himself to save Mitchell.  Those two got closer during it, mostly to help Xander.  Cam didn't... he saw him the four days the commander was there using him for his own pleasure and then a few others who tried to interrupt while they were looting his house of information.  I couldn't have held back myself," he finished quietly.  "The last of which Keller caught when we came back from that training thing."

"I can fully understand that.  No wonder he's more hard now."

"You put his back up, Woosley.   You know better.   You tried it the first time and it didn't work then."  He left him to his misery and upset stomach.  John knew missions like that happened.  Or you got captured and used.  Things like that happened and you just had to persevere and heal then move on.  He agreed with Cam.  Xander had seen too much of that in the past and needed to heal.  The only way he'd find that healing was with someone who liked him for himself.  Not for what he could give them, make them, translate for them, or even build for them.

If he liked boys, he'd adore having Xander as his.  Unfortunately boys weren't his thing and he wasn't sure even if it was he could handle all the knowledge that Xander had tucked in his brain.  It would be like dating a super McKay.  Which was a bad thought.  Maybe Ronon?  That would be purely physical and good for the boy.  They could both use the healing time with another person touching them.  He'd have to subtly suggest it later.

***

Xander looked up as someone walked in.  "Hey, Ronon."

"Xander."  He came over to where he was sitting.  It was a good hike but the view was wonderful and so was the breeze.  "No wonder you picked up here."  Xander smiled and nodded.  "You're missing sparring practice."

"Let me finish this one section."

"What is it on?"

"I think we found mentions of another city."

"Hmm.  Interesting."  Xander beamed and finished up, then closed his balcony doors and followed him.  He locked his library with a thought as they walked to the transporter.  "If there is a new city?"

"I'd like to be the one to find it.  I was never on Atlantis before this project and it's nearly magical but not.  Something in that new one is calling on me to find it."

"Maybe they built it after you visited?"

"Maybe.  Or maybe before.  It was the prototype for this one."  He shrugged as they got into the transporter.  They came out by the gym.  "Think I should play weaker so the others actually spar with me?"

"No.  That's an insult to what you can do."  He gave him a dirty look.  "We've all noticed and it was stopped."  He walked him inside.  "Major Lorne, warm him up for our later sparring."

"Yes, Ronon."  He grinned at Xander.  "Came out of your office?"

"I do need to keep in shape."  He shrugged and took off his t-shirt and sneakers.  "Staffs, bantos rods, or just hand-to-hand?"

"Hand-to-hand.  You're weaker there and I have a chance of winning," Lorne's teammate teased.

Xander grinned.  "I don't mean to be so rough on you guys."

"We know but it makes us better," Lorne assured him.  He and Xander fought.  It was a great workout and Xander helped him where he had a few weak spots.  The rest of the team tried a pile on and even Ronon had to wince when one hit a wall.  "Oops," Lorne moaned as he got up.  "Guys, we keep forgetting Xander's like the intellectual version of Teal'c and Ronon's love child."  He rubbed his shoulder.  Xander pulled him over to look at it for him.  "Just banged it," he said quietly.

"I gave you a hell of a bruise and I'm sorry," he said, smiling at him.

"No more piling on you," Lorne teased.  Xander beamed at him.  He gave him a gentle shove.  "Let me get some tyelenol."

"I made some more of my oil if you wanted to borrow some."

"I might later, before a long soak."  He left, going to the infirmary.

John was in there by then, Jon too.  "Let's rumble," Jon decided, taking off his own shirt.  John did too.  Ronon was already without his vest.  John attacked Xander, since he was partially tired.  Xander got him and backflipped to a weapon.  "No fair using tricks off Buffy's repertoire," Jon complained.

"Whatever works," Ronon told him.  "Though that does look handy."  He caught Xander's ankle when he moved and tossed him at a wall.  Xander bounced and groaned but got up and came back to beat his ass.  John and Jon attacked as a unit, piling on Ronon, who groaned.

They turned on Xander, who was still pretty damn good.  And running a bit hot.  John's rods got found and tossed to him by Teyla.  Jon took a staff and Ronon got his own rods.  Then it was really on.  The others in the gym were watching.  Teyla had moved out of the way.   She didn't want drawn into that.  Xander got past Jon's staff and got him on the side, making him yelp and move.

Which left John's arm open.  He corrected but Ronon did get in a lucky blow to his shoulder.  John grimaced and kept going.  Jon was holding his side and swearing.   He needed more work but O'Neill hadn't been that sort of warrior.  He had been a higher weapons master, not a lower one.  John and Ronon nodded and turned on Xander, who ducked a blow to the head and got Ronon's leg pretty hard.  Then his stomach when he winced and shifted because of the blow to his thigh.

He came back but Xander spun-kicked him in the chest, making him groan and move out of the way.  John and Xander moved around each other a bit but then John lunged and Xander blocked.  The bantos rods weren't his best lower tech weapon but he was pretty decent.  He fell for a feint and got a good hit on the shoulder himself.

"Payback," John smirked.

"I have my oil, I'll be just fine rubbing out muscle soreness later," he quipped with an evil smirk.  John knew that look and braced himself but the attack didn't come immediately.  He attacked and Xander defended then he attacked with a spin to avoid a new hit and getting him in the leg twice, then knocking him off his feet and getting him in the side, before jumping out of the way of John's strike so he could get up.  He was panting and it was good.  "Going to lay there?"

"I give," John moaned, standing up.

Xander pouted.  "Already?"

"Yes, already."  He smiled.  "Good job."

"I'm going to be bruised for weeks," Ronon agreed.

Jon snorted.  "Me too.  I need more physical weapons practice."

"You were always a higher tech weapons master before, Jon."

"I know.  Give me a bomb and I'm a happy guy," he complained, straightening up.  Doctor Keller, who had been summoned and had seen a good bit of the fight, came over.  "Hey, Doc."

"Jon."   She scanned him.  Then the others.  "Xander, do you need something for your shoulder?"

"No, Doc.  I've got my oil and a tub."

She looked at him.  "Uh-huh."  She walked them out, letting them hand their weapons to Teyla.

"Okay, I want to learn that," one of the new Air Force guys said.

"I can teach you the bantos rods, but with practice comes that level of skill," Teyla told him.

"Please.  I know you taught Colonel Sheppard."  He moved forward once she had picked out lighter rods for them.  "Ma'am, that was super geek Specialist Harris, right?" he asked.  She smiled and nodded.  "He's the toughest geek I've ever seen."

"He has been in other wars, just not here."

"He's alien?"

"He had temporal travel from what I'm told."

"Oh!"  He nodded.  He let her teach him how to block and attack with the rods.  They moved up to a pretty good practice.  At the end he was a pile of sweat and shaky muscles.  "How many times a week do you teach?" he asked her.

"I teach any day I'm not busy.  Simply ask.  I'm in here for myself three times a week."

He grinned.  "Thank you, ma'am.  I'll be back very soon."  He went to cool down with a long stretch and some yoga.

Teyla walked over.  "How do you do that?  I do not know of any method of stretching that way."

"It's called Yoga."  He smiled.  "Here, do this," he said, helping her into the first position.  "If you can't do it fully, that's fine.  You'll work your way up to it."  She beamed and they went through all the positions he knew together.  Then they both needed showers.  He got her the tape and book he had bought before coming up, letting her have it over dinner.  "So you get a fuller experience than I can give.  I'm not a master," he said with a shy grin.  He went to get his own dinner and sat with his friends.  She read the book over dinner.

John came out, finally released from the infirmary, and sat across from her.  "Yoga?"

"It looked beneficial to be that flexible."

"It is," he agreed.  Ronon came in and grunted as he sat down with his tray of food.  Jon did the same but he had something in his mouth already.  Xander and Rodney walked in, with Daniel following, all arguing.  They got food and pulled over a table to eat with them.  "What now?" John asked sarcastically.

"The new city is definitely sunk," Daniel told them.  "It said to be at the scene of their greatest failure.  I don't think that's earth."

"We have two here locked in their rooms working on ascending," John reminded them.  Daniel rushed off to talk to them.  "Xander?"

"They won't tell me anything.  They still hate me for not fighting exactly the way they wanted."  He shrugged.  "I'm fine with that because I think ascending is the best way to run away ever."

"It does seem that way," Ronon agreed.

McKay nodded since his mouth was full.  He swallowed quickly.  "It makes no sense to want to ascend when you're healthy, young, and have things that you can still learn and do."

"They gave up," Xander pointed out.  "In a lot of ways, what they did was like suicide, only they went to a higher plane to be energy and watch over things.  I may never understand that.  No matter how long I live, I can't see the point of ascending to float around as energy and go 'I'd do that differently' like they do.  Especially since most won't interfere in daily things to teach.  I mean, if you can't laugh sometimes, what's the point."

"It does seem to be a miserable existence," Ronon agreed. "Not one I'd choose."

"The same can be said for those masters who give up all worldly gain and influence so they can go to the next level of evolution," Rodney pointed out.

"Which I think is great and all but they do teach before they get there.  They teach how they're doing it but I can understand what sort of comfort that brings.  It brings you to a final ending place that's supposed to be nirvana.  I get that.  I don't get not teaching it, giving it all up before then, and just ascending to a higher plane of energy where you're bored all day and can't really do anything but watch.  That's not my version of an after-life."

"Mine either," John agreed.  Ronon shook his head since his mouth was full.

"I don't see that any life where you can't laugh, learn things, and then sometime find someone nice to be with," Rodney admitted.

Xander shrugged.  "On that last one I'll find someone sometime.  Maybe."

"I'm sure you will," Rodney said firmly.  He stared him down.  "There's many people who would love to get close to you."

"For my mind or what I can do, Rodney.  I need a person who's there for *me*, not for my brain, my ass, or anything else.  I can't take having another boyfriend that wants to hold me on a leash to show me off.  Or thinks he'll protect me because I'm his toy.  I just can't do it again."

"No, you shouldn't," he agreed quietly.  "The last time was bad enough."

"Can we not talk about that?"

"Sure."  He saw Ronon's look at him.  "Surely your people know about such things."

"Yes, many have taken spouses for that benefit.  I cannot see Xander doing that though."

"Sometimes you can't really help it," Xander said dryly.  "Especially when you have no idea what's going on and you get snatched by people sellers."

"Oh.  I'm sorry then."  Xander shrugged.  "Are you all right?"

"I'm tired of people wanting me as a thing, Ronon.  I'd like a man, or a woman, cause I'm not picky anymore, who wanted *me*."

"I can understand that and I know you'll find one sometime.  I found a mate and I'm more stubborn than you are."

Xander smiled.  "That you are.  Hasn't Armand pounced you?"

"He was feeling a bit warm to the touch so we let him nap," Rodney told him.

"Must be a growth spurt.  I'll bring him into the tub with me later.  He likes to soak."

"Dragons are hedonists?" John asked with a grin.

"Oh, so much.  He's so spoiled too."  He ate another bite of dinner.  "So, anything good on the team mission front?"

"Not right now," John admitted.  "Just some trade things that need to go through so we're training the new guys on them.  Lorne's team is going on one."

"We can go on a few," Jon offered.  "Not like I have a secondary job up here or in the Mountain."

"I'd like for you to work with Faith," Xander told him.  He waved her over.  She came over to sit beside him.  "You remember Jon right?"

"Yeah," she said, shaking his hand.  "What's up?"

"You know what he is?"

"Yup, got that filled in for me by Kissen."

"Well, he used to be a pilot and special ops commander," Xander told her.  "Do you think you can keep him from being bored by working with you on that stuff?  I know Radek's so happy he's wiggling over teaching you."

"I can do that," she agreed with a grin for Jon.  "You sure you're up to that?"

"Yeah, I can boot camp you, Faith.  That's not a problem.  I know about your unique skills and that'd free up Sheppard for more mundane things that he has to handle.  Plus I could use some time in the flight simulator myself," he finished with a grin.  She beamed at that, punching him on the arm.  "Ow.  Easy on me, I sparred with Xander, Ronon, and John earlier."

"I downloaded the film; it was impressive," Rodney offered.

Xander beamed.  "I know I am.  Thank you."

"You can only have an ego like that if you save the universe," he shot back with an evil smirk.

"I saved the earth, is that good enough?  That would be a solar system."

"No, not until it's a galaxy," he shot back.

"Shoot.  Now I'll have to do that.  But, hey, I gave you pretty things to help save the galaxy from the wraith and the replicators."

"That may count," John admitted.  Xander beamed.  "Still, egos are bad.  It means you get less dates.  Like him."

"I've had some very nice attention," Rodney complained.  "It's not my fault I'm on the same team as the manslut of Pegasus."

"I am not!" John complained.  "I never *ask* for their attention, McKay."

Xander pouted.  "Can I aspire to that title?  At least it'd be fun playing."

"No," they said in unison.

"He'd hate it if you took all those priestesses away from him," Rodney said dryly.  "They simply refuse to leave him alone."

"Doesn't Teyla scowl good enough?" Faith asked.

"Nope," Ronon said dryly, looking at John.  "We need to go to that planet with the nubile princess that had the coffee-like stuff."

"We can send Lorne's team."  Ronon pouted.  "Don't start."

"They had a few guards  there who liked to challenge me."

Faith snickered.  "I find you big and cuddly, Ronon, but only a small threat to chastity."  She ate a bite of dinner.  "Maybe if you scowl more?"

"Ha ha," he said sarcastically.

"I find him more imposing when he's happy.  Then he usually has a plot and is up to no good," Teyla told Faith.  "Do you know this discipline?"

"Yoga?  No.  Getting bendy and meditative was never my thing.  Sorry.  X?"

"I've tried it a few times but I was never that bendy.  Maybe sometime you'll invite me down for a new trial."  She beamed and nodded, getting back to her reading.  He finished his dinner and looked at his tray.  "Didn't I blackmail someone into getting us a bigger food budget so we wouldn't have liver again?"  The others laughed but nodded.  "Damn."

"We get hotdogs more often," John offered.

Xander stared at him then shook his head.   "I know there's a people that use a goat for food.  It's a very evil goat."

"No, thanks," John said dryly.  "No living things please."

"Damn."  He drank his milk then Faith's milk, then went up to get some more.  Because that aftertaste was just nasty.   Though the milk had an aftertaste too so it was clearly fake milk.  He did get Faith a new glass of milk.  He sat down again.  "Okay, what do we have on Nila beyond that she's sunk and was the prototype to Atlantis?   Ask me questions so I can think."

"How big?" John asked.

"Smaller than here.  Maybe half as big at the most."

"Does it have a shield?" Rodney asked.

"Not that I've seen.  It's where they experimented on all their tech for here by what I've seen.  They mentioned a few failed trials of the AI and things."

"I'm hoping Jackson can tell us which planet it's on," Rodney admitted.  "Is it made of the same material?"

"Yes.  I think so.  It has a stargate too I think.  They mentioned traveling to it once."

"Is it unretrievable?" Faith asked.  "Why did they toss it away?"

"They finished building this one and planned on recycling it but then didn't get around to it," Xander admitted.  "As for unretrievable, that may depend on which ocean it's in or if that ocean dried up."  He scowled.  "I don't know."

"Well," John said, considering it.  "Is it up here?"

"All I've heard was at the scene of their greatest failure.  Which isn't earth I don't think.  Daniel thinks it was because they ran from that plague.  I don't think it's up here because they ran from the wraith in other ways."  He looked at him.  "When they left Pegasus and Atlantis sunk, I know they took the stargate back to earth.  Where did they go?  The outpost?"

"We think so," Rodney admitted.

"That makes no sense.  The outpost couldn't handle that many people.  There's got to be others."

"We have no idea how to find them," Rodney admitted.

"Can you scan from space for a specific metal?"

"We've thought about that but it would clue in the others," Rodney admitted.

"So get one of our people into NASA on a space flight to do some scanning.  Or send up a roaming satellite?"

"We've tried both.  It hasn't worked yet."

Xander leaned on the table.  "Why would the Ancients build in Antarctica when they didn't seem to like cold?"  They all stared at him.  "None of the planets we've visited were ice planets, were they?"

"The outpost was storage you think?" John asked.  "A last resort, for the last few to live on after the rest had ascended?"

"I'm guessing so," Xander admitted.

"They seem to like trees," Jon offered.  "Half of everyplace we've been looks like Canada."

"Back then there would've been more trees," Xander pointed out.  "I'm betting we can probably skip the desert areas.  Possibly on purpose."  They all nodded, some of those areas were in war zones or in countries that were only semi-friendly.  "Okay, so, they had to be able to get to Atlantis.  Any evidence of puddle jumpers on earth?"

"Not that I ever saw on the outpost," Rodney said.  "I was assigned there for a long time and I never saw anything like a docking station.  Though I can see the point that it was storage and the chair was there because they moved it.  It's not at the deepest layers of the ice and we always wondered why."

"Rodney, we have scientists from all over.  How many can visit home with a scanner?  Would a scanner be able to tell within the same region?"

"We have one that might be able to tell within a continent."

"So someone has to write a paper and then go lecturing?" he suggested.

"That's not a bad idea," John agreed.  "But risky in some places."

"Well, then let's use the IOA.  They have to be good for something beyond making plans that nearly get good soldiers dead."  They all smirked at that.  He looked around for Woolsey then shrugged.  He tapped his earpiece.  "Woolsey, we're going to use the IOA, if you want in, come to the caf."  He turned it off.  Woolsey stormed in.  "We think there's more than the one outpost on earth," he told him.

"We've considered that.  We have no idea how to tell."

"We can ping for certain metals," Xander offered.

Rodney nodded, sketching out what they'd need to do it.  "We need to get them to scan areas.  Things like Canada."

"We're going to rule out deserts right now," Xander offered.  "Since they seemed to like trees."

"I see."  He considered it.  "I can get with Landry over those plans."

"Sometimes we won't be able to get somewhere.  Have the non-stupid, non-greedy, not Watchers Council related IOA people do it," Xander offered.  "Or have Dawn do it.  She's with Torchwood 4."

"What happened to three?" he asked.

"They're still in Cardiff.  Jack shut that one down after everything that happened in the last invasion.  I made sure they knew they had a safe area in another spot just outside Cardiff.  It let them be less industrial and expand more."

"I suppose that's reasonable.  Does UNIT know?"

"Torchwood isn't run by UNIT," Xander said dryly.  "And I'm sure some do.  After all, Martha Jones and Jack both used to travel with the Doctor."

"Good point.  I can suggest that with Landry to a few who might be more open to helping.  Why not Watchers Council related?"

"Because they're greedy information hogs who turn girls like me into single tools to be used, then tossed," Faith told him.

"Oh, I see.  We didn't think they were that bad."

"I have a bomb with their name on it," Xander assured him.  "Because I hate those people more than I hate the Initiative."

"That's probably reasonable with your past.  I'll see what we can work up.  What are you working on now, Harris?"

"There's a prototype to Atlantis, they called her Nila."

"Oh!"  He stared at him.  "On earth?"

"No.  I don't think so."

"Huh.  Here?"

"No.  They said at the site of their greatest failure.  I don't think it's on either planet.  I know it could have been docked with Atlantis for a bit but they moved Atlantis after they finished it."

"Hmm.  What other planet did they work on directly?"

"I don't know," Xander admitted.  "Plenty have outposts."

"Good point."  He left to send that suggestion back to Landry.  It would keep the IOA and SGC busy for years probably.  Which would mean Atlantis would lose some rank in their priorities but have less oversight too.  "As long as they give us what we need to fight the wraith," he decided.

Daniel walked into the caf, walking over to the table to sit down in the free chair he pulled over.  "It's not on earth, here, or in Pegasus.   They have a manufacturing plant for the bigger things."

"Of course they did, it wasn't forged by hand," Xander said, considering it.  "Do we have any idea?"

"I've run into a mention and neither of those were old enough to know.  They abandoned it after they got Atlantis built.  The greatest failure was another plague that they couldn't stop among their own people, possibly started by them.  It sounds like the influenza."

"Which humanity never grew an immunity to," Rodney said.  Daniel nodded.  "So where is it?"

"It's in the Milky Way they think."

Xander considered it.  "They have more outposts in Pegasus."

"I raised that point.  They wanted to spread out this time, make sure that if it happened again, a bright mind wasn't lost by being in so close.  I also got a few places that your random dialing pattern should've caught."

"We never instituted it," Rodney admitted.  "We're still working on our lists."  He looked at Xander.  "What galaxy did Morticia and Gomez come from?"

"Um...this one I think.  From Perantha if I remember right.  But that's...that's future....  Shit."  Rodney smirked.  He called that journal to him.  "Here it is.  It's an outer rim world."  He let him see it.  "It's far enough ahead that there might not be people there yet."

"How did you know?" Ronon asked.

"I've seen ones that looked just like Morticia only smaller and less healthy.  The suckers are smaller and less vicious.  I figured it was evolutionary.  The same as we've seen the big brother of Gomez, without the smoke."

"I was wondering if Gomez was from the same species as the one that nearly ate me," Teyla admitted, putting down her book.  She took the book to read.  "As far as I know, we do not have people that far out.  That's wraith space."

"So, in the future, there's no wraith there, so people moved in and started a city," Ronon said.  Xander nodded.  "How far in the future?"

"Don't know.  I got them in the twenty-ninth century.  They were a present," he said quietly.  Faith gave him a shoulder nudge.  "It's okay.  I spent a lot of time healing but they were a 'you're welcome and remember us' present from Jack and the Doc.  They agreed I had to try to get back to my own time.  That's when I built my own blippy.  But you knew that, Rodney."

"He snuck them into your storage area with the note.  I saw when you found them.  I saw you overshoot your time zone by a few decades and end up in 1890's.  Then land 3 weeks before you got it.  I saw you follow yourself and realize when you couldn't do it anymore.  I saw when the paradox was fixed.  I think you made the right decision.  We're a good way to heal and rest from all those battles and things."

"If a group I hadn't trusted hadn't shown up I would've went to offer Jack my services," he told the others.  "It would've been more dangerous but I would've volunteered to help him build for the next set of problems.  Someone's got to get him weapons.  I would've run into the others who wanted me but not as often."

"When's the next one?" John asked.  "So we can tell others to prepare?"

"Um...  What's today's date?"  He looked at Jon's watch.  "Six weeks we'll have one that's supposedly friendly.  Oh, and don't vote Saxon if it hasn't happened.  He's a fuckhead who's going to endanger and enslave the earth.  Um....  Oh, the next major one is in nine months?  Or six months.  I don't remember which."

"I'll let them know and send Torchwood and UNIT both personal emails," John assured him.  Xander smiled.  "What's the one in six weeks?"

"A guy who seems really confused.  Keeps saying he wants bathtub water.  That's really blood.  The slayers will take care of him because he's the First Evil."  Faith stiffened.  "Not just you."  He grinned. "Or just you and Buffy.  You do have backup."  He smirked.  She batted him on the arm.  "Then the next one is .... hmm.  Annoying.  Wants to be the queen so keeps trying to change into her.  Of course, he thinks the queen rules everyone so that would give him better control."

"Gotcha, we've got to stop them before they get to earth," John said, getting up to write those messages.  Rodney had looked up the people Xander talked about in case they became security risks.  Those files had their emails and phone numbers.  He grabbed Xander's cellphone too.  It could even do conference calls.  Their numbers were even programmed.  He initiated it, closing his doors with a thought.  "This is Colonel John Sheppard," he said in greeting.

"We were just talking to Xander about where he would've been and he let out that we're going to have a few problematic alien intrusions soon.  He wanted you two told as well as my bosses."  He leaned back.  "He's not happy at the moment, Jack, but he's getting there.  It's a long story and you should let him rant it at you to feel better.  No, let's just say they sent him on a sexpionage mission."  Jack growled.  "He's fine.  He transferred up here to be with us instead for the next six months. Yes I am.  How did you know... oh, when it became public.  I know you've traveled like him so I don't want to know what you know unless we're all dead when we land."  Jack quipped something.

"Good enough then.  We have one in six weeks.  He said it was actually a demon in disguise and the slayers would need some backup since it was the First Evil?"  Martha said something about that.  "Exactly and he plans on being there.  Said he acted confused, wanted bath water of all things.  The next one was either in six or nine months and they were going to be in your neck of the woods, Jack.  We're informing Martha because he said to.  Something that wants to be the queen because they think she rules everything.  Exactly.

"He wasn't sure if it was six or nine months from today.  You know, he said he would've come to you for a job if too many projects he didn't like came for him.  That way he could help you prepare and you could shield him from them.  Exactly.  How's Dawn doing?  He'll want to know."  He smiled at that information.  "That's fine.  I'm going to tell O'Neill next.  That's fine, Ms. Jones.  Whatever your chain of command wants you to do.  I would personally get with O'Neill over that yourself.  Set up his library and bedroom, Jack.  He's better.  I can do that.  Thanks."

He hung up and called O'Neill, finding his number in there.  He wondered why he had the Secretary of the Navy, the President's personal number, and the one for the control room at UNIT in there but knowing Xander he had needed them.  "General, Colonel Sheppard.  Xander's cellphone, yes, sir.  Good reason, yes sir.  Xander just told us that we're going to have a few more invasions soon.  One in six weeks that's a demon that the slayers need to deal with.

"One in six or nine months that's going to go for the queen of England.  Exactly.  He asked me to talk to Ms Jones at UNIT and Jack at Torchwood.  Both friends and fellow travelers.  Yes, the last to know," he said dryly.  "I didn't know if I could do a three-way call, sir.  The one in six weeks is a demon, not an alien.  The slayers need to deal with it.  The First Evil."  He laughed.

"That's why they need to, yes, General.  The next one is going to want the queen for control purposes.  Yes, that's Torchwood's job but this way you're on alert and we may be able to meet them in the solar system to scare the crap out of them.  I can do that.  Thank you, sir."  He hung up and went to hand Xander his cellphone.  "Jack said he wants to beat you for letting on about future events, you know better.  Jack O'Neill said the same thing."

"My original can blow it out his ass," Jon told him.

"Take him with you when you blip," John ordered.  "So he can tell the general that in person."  He smirked.  "Dawn's fine.  She's got jealous girls all over her at school."

"I can do that."  He took Jon's arm and they left from there.  They got some burgers and fries too.  Liver was gross!  Pseudo liver was even worse!

***

Xander reappeared, handing Rodney a huge bag.  "Share at will."  He walked off.

"Where's Jon?"

"He'll be back on the supply ship.  He held them hostage to get us no more pseudo liver."

"Can't blame the boy," Radek admitted, looking at the bag.  "It smells nice."

Rodney opened it and moaned.  "Croissants."  He handed two to Radek, one to Miko, then hoarded the rest himself since they were stuffed with cherries and chocolate, depending on which one it was.

Xander walked into his room and had to turn when someone rang the 'bell'.  He opened the door and stared at Evan Lorne.  "Hi."

"Hi.  No treats for the rest of us?"

"Jon's holding the supply ship hostage over the liver things."

Evan grinned.  "Seriously?"

"Seriously.  Jack agreed with him.  Liver's gross and pseudo liver is even worse."  Evan beamed at him.  "So probably more hotdogs but maybe preformed burgers.  They're cheap."

"Thanks, Xander."

"You're welcome.  I gave Rodney filled croissants."

"I don't rate on his gift giving list."  He looked around.  "That's a nice tv.  You could play a huge game on it."  Xander turned on his gaming console.  "Seriously?"

"Seriously."  He nodded him in.  "You can help.  It's no fun playing by yourself."  He blushed.  "I did not mean to make that sound dirty, sorry."

"I don't mind if you flirt, Xander.  You're the nicest guy on base."  He came in sit on the foot of the bed with him and play the racing game.  He even won a few.  A few hours later someone rang the bell and walked in.  So it had to be an ATA carrier too.  "Hi, Colonel," he said without having to look.

"Hi, John," Xander agreed.

"Boys.  You brought a Playstation?"

"Yup."  He beamed at him.  "I needed it for downtime on the Mountain.  When I got any.  The linguists there were mean, Evan, they kept trying to pawn their work off on me."

"They're dumb," he said.  "I know you got them back."

"Yup.  Including their food turning to frogs whenever I got too fed up."  Evan laughed and turned the corner in the game, leaning slightly.

John sat on the bed behind them.  "What other games do you have?"

"Six or seven," he said with a point.  "I wasn't sure if I wanted first person shooter games or not."   John gave him a pat and moved to look at them.  "Yeah, I got hockey because of Jon."

"It's a good game," he promised with a grin.  "You need more so we can come bum it sometimes."

"Only if you're moving the tv too."

"We have some tv's but nothing this big."  He sat up again.  "You spoiled yourself."

"Yes I did because I deserve it, even if I don't use hair dye."  Evan laughed at that, shaking his head.  It made him miss a turn slightly and run into a barrel, so therefore groan.  Xander beamed at him.  "Are you the sort who talks on your phone while driving?"

"Nah, I have bluetooth for that."  He got back into it and kept it up.

John stood up.  "Where's O'Neill?"

"Food supplies so we don't get more liver."

"Thank god," John muttered.  "He complain?"

"He held them and Jack hostage until they got better supplies in.  Plus more tampons and chocolate pudding for the females."

"They'll thank him I'm sure."  He left, going to make notes on that.  He wouldn't tell Lorne it was nearly morning.  Let him have some fun and he was nice if Xander wanted to date him.

***

Jon got beamed down with two MP's who handed him to John then disappeared.  "I heard you made an ass of yourself."

"Yeah, but it was worth it."  He smirked at Woolsey.  "No more liver.  O'Neill agreed with us."

"I like liver."

"The rest of us don't so have it once a month instead of every week.  Before we go on a hunger strike."  He walked off.

"Are you in trouble?" John called after him.

"No."

"Fine.  Go give Xander whatever he called you for."

"It's coming down in a bit."  He waved over his shoulder, going to take a nap.  Caldwell had kept him up most of the trip asking questions about being a clone.

The food supplies got beamed down and the whole city rejoiced at not having liver anywhere in it.  They had actual *beef* again too.  Plus chicken.  They were going to be parties all over Atlantis that night.  The case of tampons in various sizes got a few laughs from the men but the women beamed at the supply crew and gave them hugs.   The chocolate pudding got them more and from the men too.  He guessed dinner was going to be great tonight.  Yeah, they could handle Xander on Atlantis.

13: Space Sagas

Xander woke with a start from the dream-ripping sound of air raid sirens to the one on Atlantis going off.  He grabbed things and hopped up, heading for the control room, putting in his comm piece first.  "Are we under attack?" he asked.  Lorne gave him an order.  "That's John's spot.  Oh.  Okay."  He headed for the chair at a dead run, running into Jon down there.  They were both strong ATA carriers.  The chair responded better to Xander but if something happened, Jon could do it.  He sat down and immediately called up a display.

"Oh, fuck me," he muttered, making Lorne snicker over the link.  "I'm seeing three huge ass ships and a few darts?"  He nodded, mentally sending drones at them.  They were locked so he had to get the city to unlock it.  That took a few precious seconds but she realized they were under attack so it was necessary.  He sent them up and ordered the shield up.  John and Rodney were somewhere else.  He muttered something else and started that process going, tapping virtual air keys.

"Major, we are not sinking but we are lowering the most vulnerable piers for landing into the water.  I already shut all the windows I think."  He did that and agreed it was a good idea.  They got settled and he watched the fighters, sending the drones at the darts first.  They were more use there.  He provided support for the jumpers attacking the bigger ships.  One of the jumpers started to show red slowly and he groaned, telling the city to fix it.

The ship and the city interacted, sealing the leak but it kept the jumper out of the fight for a few seconds.  Someone would probably hate that.  "We need the bigger weapons up there," he complained quietly.  One raised and he smirked.  "Thank you, Ancients.  Charge the weapon."  It wouldn't.  He ran over the schematics and plugged the sucker back in, this time into the new power source.  It balked but after a second it charged and he fired it at the biggest sucker they had out there.

"Yes, please charge it again," he whispered.  Jon had settled next to him to take over some of the drones.  He checked but he had it.  He moved one that wasn't attacking, sending it at a dart that was injured.  Just to knock into it.  That sent it into a spin that exploded against the main hive ship.  Someone fired on that spot, exposing the hull to space.   Wraith had to breathe and even hibernation wouldn't stop that death.  He got a blinking dot that the weapon was charged and warned the jumpers, who got out of the way, the injured one slower than the others.

He fired and it went 'splody as he muttered to himself.  The other one fled.  Xander fired on the wormhole as they were leaving.  The ship exploded in the wormhole and it was pretty.  He sighed, recalling the weapon down and the city to rise fully again.  It came back up and he relaxed.  Jon recalled all the drones.  Xander helped that injured puddle jumper into the city and to land outside.  It was safer until the navigation system was working properly again.

The last one flew in and he scanned, seeing a small wormhole opening.  He nudged John, letting him watch it.  They were both shocked by the wormhole next to the city but the display said the stargate had just activated.  They'd let that one unless it was an emergency.  That tiny wormhole was bothersome.  When John and Rodney ran in they put up the display and Xander pointed.  "We have no idea.  That's a wormhole terminus point by the display."

"The Daedalus isn't due for a few weeks," John said.  "Out, kids."  They got out for him and he sat down.  "Hey, the cannon works."

"I linked it to the new power source but it should probably be looked over," Xander agreed.  He looked at Rodney.  "One of the jumpers got exposed to space but I linked in and got it fixed remotely.  I landed it outside because the pilot is apparently at least slightly alive, I hope, and it was limping badly.  I didn't think it could land in the bay."

"That's fine."  He looked at them.  "That was very nice work."

"Jon handled most of the drones while I got the other things going on."

"Thank you for not sinking us again as well," Rodney said dryly.

"It makes sense to sink the piers," Xander defended, looking hurt.  "That way they couldn't land on them."

"I'm not disagreeing," Rodney promised, making Xander happier.  He sent a medical team to the pier to look at the jumper pilot, who hadn't emerged, which Jon realized.

"The seat needs to be wider," Jon complained lightly, punching Xander on the arm.  "Good job with that jumper."

"Thanks."  He looked at John as he sat up.  "That terminus?"

"It's Asgard."  They grinned and nodded.  "Good work, boys."  He smirked.  "Now, go calm down."

"I need to check on that pilot," Xander admitted, heading that way.

John brought down the shield and looked at Rodney.  "They're damn good together."

"They are," he agreed.  "Is everything all right?"

"The cannon reads a bit hot.  I disconnected it and it discharged into the air for the last of the charge."

"I'll get on that today," he promised, interfacing with the chair to take readings.  "That's very good."  They went back to where they were supposed to be.

Xander jogged out to the pier, looking at Doctor Keller.  "Did I plug the leak in time?"

"He's alive but weak, Xander.  Thank you."

"Not a problem.  Need help?"

"No, we have it."  They walked the gurney out.  The pilot glared at Xander, mumbling something.  Xander stared back and mumbled back, getting down next to his ear, getting a nod instead and a happier pilot.  "Did he say you were slow?"

"Yeah, I think he did.  I wasn't aware I still had control of the jumper after I fixed it.  But as long as he's okay that's fine.  I'll make sure of the pilot and bring it back if I have to next time."  She smiled and nodded, walking after her patient.  The other pilots were a bit banged up but nothing serious.  Xander stayed out there to unwind and calm down.  "I hate the wraith.  I need to build something bigger so we can get their planet," he muttered to himself.  He walked off thinking about how he could do that.  He knew bombs.  He had known bombs for a while, but now he knew bigger bombs.  Rodney did too.  Maybe....

***

John looked at his pilot, staring at him.  "You're telling me the chair fixed your ship and forgot to let you go?"  He nodded, swallowing hard.  "Okay, I'll work on the kids on that."  He patted him on the wrist.  "At least you're alive."

"I am.  Harris has crap concentration, Colonel.  You could tell there were two of them doing it."

"Yeah, Harris has no flight experience beyond what I've been able to give him."  The other pilot moaned, shaking his head.  He grinned.  "Jon O'Neill handled the drones."

"They did good together."  He swallowed again.  "That was the scariest shit of my life, sir."

"The air leak?"

"That and the later, slower battle reflexes."

"He said next time he'd make sure he had let the jumpers go.  I'm just glad he could fix it on you."

"I am too.  He needs more experience."

"Landry wasn't going to give him any," he said dryly.

"Please break that order."

"I am."  He patted him again.  "Get better soon, Sergeant."  He left, going to talk to Xander about that.  It was the only flaw in the battle that anyone had seen.  That they had worked together was wonderful.  Jon had admitted he wouldn't have even known how to link the shields in or anything else.  Jack had done that after he had been cloned.  They both needed serious training time.  He found them waiting on him, as requested earlier.  "Let's go over a few things.  Not criticizing but this is what more experienced people in space battles noticed so we can train you guys in how to do it."  They both nodded, relaxing.  "Xander, you forgot to release that jumper?"

"I thought I had after that leak but the cannon needed kicked in so I guess I forgot in that.  Was he in control?"

"He was but he said everything was sluggish with the chair in charge.  So next time, if you have to take one over, which we all love now that we know we can do it, remember to check that."  Xander nodded.  "Plus you're getting more flight time.  They all knew it was you in the chair by the way the drones hesitated and didn't fly like I would.  That's an experience thing so you're getting more training in that.  Jon, you as well, plus more chair time because you said it was very much outside of your attention range?"

"There were things going on that I had no idea about," he admitted.  "But I've never sat in the chair for more than the tutorial McKay gave me."

"Which I fully get, boys.  That's why you both have flight time to work on that."

"Really, it should be a two-person job anyway," Xander pointed out.  "I kept losing track of the drones when I was calibrating the cannon and things.  That's why he wiggled in next to me."

"I can agree with that.  I have to let a lot of things go past me when I'm in it too."  He smiled.  "If I could link up a secondary chair I would have.  I would've sat Lorne's ass in it by now."

Xander nodded.  "Can we?"

"Figure it out with McKay," John told him, getting a beaming smile.  "It was overall a good plan.  Even if the partial sinking did freak some people out, especially in Botany."

"I remembered the windows."

"Which they love you for," he promised with a smile.   "Otherwise we'd have some really pissed, flooded out Marines."

"I know.  I should've warned people."

"It's all right.  That's something that's actually good strategy.  It's a lot harder for them to get down here if they can't land.  You need more strategy lessons in advanced combat.  You're hell on field combat from what Jack O'Neill tested you at, but space combat and aerial combat are slightly different and that's not a problem.  We have a lot of things we can teach you about that, Xander."  Xander smiled and nodded.  "Now, you two had a suggestion?"

"Why can't we bio bomb the wraith's planets?" Jon asked.

"Because they'd know if we got close enough.  It'd be a suicide mission," John pointed out.  "It has little chance of success.  They have sensor arrays that would tell them of an incoming ship.  It'd get stopped and eaten before it got anywhere near the planet."

"Damn," Xander muttered.  "Can we beam one back aboard a ship that conveniently gets away?"

"That plan may work," he said cautiously.  "Though I hate to let any of them get away."

"Me too but maybe sending one back with it might help?  I know they had that other one."  John grimaced but nodded.  "So can we send something better?  I'll donate blood to see if they can get any of the diseases I've had out of it.  Some of them won't work on full humans."

"We'll think about that," John decided.  "Though the docs will want to know more specifics about all those first."  Xander nodded he understood that.  "So you both now have flight sim time this week.  Jon, you're taking more chair training from Xander and, Xander, you can learn aerial combat from Jon?"  They both smirked at that.  "Good.  Then teach it to Faith too.  Got it?"  They nodded.  "Good.  Dismissed.  Go get pudding or something."  They went to do that.  They deserved it after earlier.  John went to check on Rodney and that cannon.  "Will it work again?"

"Yes, but the power source needs a buffer between it and the cannon," he complained from under it.  "Xander did the right thing in setting it up but didn't realize it needed an intermediary, which is of course broken."

"Can it be fixed?  I don't want to have to use it and have it blow up part of the city."

"I can easily fix it if you can run to Ancient Radio Shack," he said dryly.

"What do you want to cannibalize?"

Rodney came out from underneath the cannon.  "There's a few blown crystals.  We'll need to try to regrow them in the specific shapes and then possibly a few more wires.  If we have a month, I might be able to get it fully operational."

"Please do.  By the way, the boys said the chair shows the incoming stargate wormhole."

"Really?  That's wonderful."

"They both said it's fairly shocking and bright right off to the left of the display."

"Even better.  Any other good news?"

"I agree with O'Neill, it should be a two-seater, not a single one for combat."

"I'll see if I can find mentions of it in the database for Xander to translate."  He stared at him.  "Go see what's wrong with him.  He hasn't translated anything in days."

"I can do that."  He went to find the boys.  Xander was back in his office, alone except for the dragon cuddling him.  He tapped then walked in, hiking down to his seat.  "We need to put one of those airport people movers in here," he teased.

Xander gave him a weak smile.  "Did I do something you didn't want to mention in front of Jon?"

"No.  Wondering what's up.  Someone told me you haven't been translating at your usual rate recently."  He sat down, glancing at the view.  "They thought you might be a bit upset or depressed?"

"It's nothing.  Just thinking and remembering."

John looked at him.  "Remembering what?"

"A few things."  He sighed, petting his dragon.  "It's nothing, John, really."

"It is if people are noticing that you're unhappy.  So tell me.  Maybe we can figure something out."  Xander shrugged but he stared at him until the boy looked at him.  "People getting annoying again?" he asked quietly.  "The moping about all your exes being asses?  Give me a hint so I can help, Xander."

"It's that and other things.  It's nothing, really.  I can shake it and get back to work."

"If we didn't like you, we wouldn't have let you heal up here, kid.  Really."  Xander looked at him.  "What's wrong?"

"Partially?  I feel so *alone*.  Even before I had friends or I had people who wanted me so they paid attention to me."

"I get that.  Up here you do have friends."

"Who do a lot more all day so we never get time together to talk and play around."

"Good point."  He considered it.  "We could all use a day off."  Xander nodded.  "I know that they do come up to see you."

"Anytime I go to see them people start rumors that I'm sleeping with them."

"I heard those and bluntly told the people that if you were, as long as it was respectful, the rest of us were fine with that.  It stopped a lot of that.  Those two old ones dragging on you too?"

"One told me that I was fine, for a barbarian, again. That he'd help me translate the database if I slept with him.  I pointed out I've done a lot of it and I spoke Ancient too so it was easier than considering him a decent bed partner, plus didn't he need to lose that urge to ascend.  He huffed off and the marines who saw it started on the 'he's an ancient being' again."

"In some ways you are, but in too many ways you're twenty-two," John said.  He paused.  "What did you do for your birthday?"

"I think I translated the latin smut again."

John shook his head.  "Beyond that?"

"Not like they have ice cream cakes up here so I can spoil myself.  I don't really celebrate it anymore."

"That's sucky, Xander."

"Yeah but the girls weren't interested in celebrating it.  My parents weren't either.  Hell, half the time they tried to curse me for being born that day."  John reached over, giving his upper arm a short rub.  "It's cool.  The next time I'm downside, I'll get an ice cream cake to spoil myself."

"Sure, I get that."  He looked at the plants.  "Why do they look tired?"

"It's hibernation season for them.  Botany said so.  I've got food around them and they eat it but they're probably gearing up to produce spawn."

"If so, they might like it."  He smiled at him.  "You know, you could come down."

"I don't want to listen to the hissed rumors about me.  Having an ex show up as a gou'ald really didn't put me on the right footing with the base."

"No, probably not, but hey it wasn't a recent boyfriend."

"No, not by any means.  I don't know.  I'll find another one sometime.  This celibacy crap is annoying though."

"No one says you have to.  There's plenty of people on base who'll play, Xander.  Most of them respect you for your mind too.  You might hint that you're getting to the point of needing cuddles at night."  He gave him a smile.  "It's still comforting, even if it's just for a night."

"They'll be the same sort.  Then they'll spread it around."

"Not all of them.  I know a few of the scientists play."

"They all think I'm overly violent and a version of Conan half the time, then a translating machine the rest."

"We need to have a base-wide fun day.  That way they can see everyone else as they really are," John decided.

"That'll be the day something attacks."

"Maybe, but maybe not."  He smiled.  "C'mon, dinner, kid."

"Yes, John."  Armand meeped.  "Sure, let's go eat."  He stood up and they left together.  "I'm going to put a repelling line off the balcony."

John smiled.  "That would be fun and a lot faster than a transporter."  They went to the caf together and he noticed a few people got quiet and watched them.  He seriously needed to have a talk with his marines if O'Neill didn't.  The other air force guys were better but not great about hiding it.  Lorne smiled and gave Armand a head scratch.  Xander smiled back at him.  That was a good, healthy relationship.

"Did you get the new video game, Xander?"

"Yup, both of them."  He smirked at Lorne.  "Think you can do Grand Theft?"

"Maybe.  Been a while," he admitted with a smirk of his own.  "We'll see later."

"Cool.  I'll bring up stuff to nibble on."  Lorne nodded that was good and Xander went to get dinner.  John smiled at Lorne, who went back to eating.  "Major, I think we need to have a base-wide day of relaxation.  I've noticed a lot of us are on edge."

"We'll get attacked that day," he complained lightly.

"So we'll kick their asses and then go back to doing more fun stuff.  Arrange it and have me approve the games and things."

"I can do that."  He stuffed his mouth, thinking about it.  Yeah, they could definitely use some time off.  He noticed the stares when Xander and John sat together at their usual table outside.  Surely they didn't think those two were an item?  He'd have to set that one straighter.  Radek came in and went to talk to Xander, who babbled back happily at him.  That was another good thing to see.  The scientists all seemed to worry that Xander was going to get pissed and pull out a sword to chop them up into pieces.  Xander's rep seriously needed a make over.

***

John looked at the duty meeting's roster then smiled at them.  "Wednesday, duty assignments are suspended for our first annual day of relaxation.  Food will be do-it-yourself sandwich lines.  The ones with food allergies can have theirs in a case off to the side so they don't get infected from the eggs in the mayo or the lemon from the iced tea."  The cafeteria ladies all smiled at that.  "Major Lorne has sign up sheets of various activities.  Including movies a certain young woman shipped up to her big brother recently.  We're having badminton, soccer on a pier, with Armand for ball retrieval if it goes into the water.  A few other things.  We'll have some balls and clubs for some golf swinging practice into the water."  They all beamed at that.  "We deserve it."

"Sir, will Harris be coming out of his aerie for that?" one of the team leaders asked.

"Xander's up there because he can expand it so he has all of his books laid out, not to be anti-social.  He doesn't usually mind visitors unless he's frustrated with something he's working on.  He even has some free-time reading books for those who don't read other languages."

"So that wasn't him being superior?" another asked.

"No, guys.  Xander's twenty-two.  He would love it if you guys came up to bum books.  Unfortunately he needs his office expanded because we didn't have another library to let him use.  He needed access to all his books.  On the main base he's on the translators' area like everyone else.  He's not stuck up, superior feeling, or anything else.  He'd love for you guys to treat him like one of the guys."

"But he's ...got swords and things," the scientist in charge of chemistry said.

"Yeah, he likes swords.  He'd also like to go to a Ren Faire thing sometime soon.  Since a lot of the cultures they've run into on the main base are about that level of civilization it's been helpful."

"We heard about that battle," one of the team leaders sighed, grimacing.

"Xander's been in a shitload of battles, most of them field battles."  They all shuddered.  "Yeah, he's got that final step of his temper.  That day, he was so worn out that all it took was a graze while he was trying to keep himself from being sick after throwing up that shield for so long.  That's also why Xander's not his team's leader."  The other team leaders took notice of that.  One sat up straighter.  "Xander's been in *many* battles."

"About five too many," Jon agreed from his corner seat.  "That's why I lead, Tilla is in front of him, and Xander's our geek."

"You don't rely on him for military help?" one of them asked.

"Not unless it's an emergency.  Then he's got ideas out the ass.  For normal things, he's our geek.  The same as Jackson is unless there's a problem."

"All the super geeks are that way," Rodney agreed dryly from his seat.  "We all have our geek roles unless it's an emergency.  I've pulled weapons to help the team, Harris does the same thing, Jackson as well."

John nodded with a smirk for them.  "They're *all* like that.  It's one of the definitions of a super geek."

"He growled at me last time I went up there," the chemist complained.

"You interrupted his smut time," John and Jon said in unison.

"Since no one's thought that he might like to have someone up there with him some nights," John added.

"I think the guys who might play that way consider him a bit ...weird," the team leader who that would apply to said.

"He's not weird.  He's actually very decent."

"He's pretty cuddly," Jon added.  "On camp outs while on missions, he's a cuddle monster if you're in his tent.  He's a snore seeking missile."  They all laughed at that.  "Armand stops him if he's there, he's all warm and cuddly.  I make him room with Tilla.  She appreciates him snuffling into her back."

"Is he actually straight?" that team leader asked.

"He's very bi, he said he goes on personality and how good they cuddle," Jon told him with a small shrug.  "He and Tilla are like siblings.  She even gets flu nagging rights."

John smirked.  "I heard that she tied him down and made him drink soup."

"Definitely.  Nagged him until he gave in."

"I've heard he had alien toys," that team leader said.

"One was," Rodney agreed.  "But he was caring, holding, respected Xander for his whole being instead of just an ass.  He might've stayed with him if he hadn't been killed in a battle to protect his planet."  They all groaned.  "He's not expecting anything totally special, but decent and respecting him instead of seeing him as easy and open."

That team leader nodded.  "I know a few I might send his way then.  He's open to playing?"

Jon nodded.  "Yeah.  That's part of his problem right now.  By the way, I've asked Caldwell to pick up a cake for his birthday, Sheppard."  John smiled at that.

"We missed his birthday?" Rodney asked.

"Yeah, it was last week," Jon said dryly.

"Damn it," he muttered.  "When will it get here?"

"Data packet went out today, Caldwell gets back in about a week.  If he checks his email, which he said he does for last minute requests, he'll have it when he gets in this time."  He shifted.  "Beyond that, we're having a fun day?"

"We all need it."

"We do," Rodney agreed.  "Soccer?"

"We can't get field hockey stuff that fast.  I'm thinking, if it's good for the base, and we're all having the relaxation, it's going to happen maybe every six months?"  Everyone smiled at that.  "Good.  Get on that, bring me any problems," he ordered.  They all left.  He grabbed the one team leader's arm, staring at him.  "He's open to it but don't let anyone play with him," he said quietly.

"I can agree with that.  I heard about the reason their team switched to us instead.  It sucks Landry turned on him that way."  He smiled and left, going to talk to his grapevine of open people.  Harris might be a good lay, if he was then it might help them all.

***

Radek watched the flirting airman teasing Xander, making him laugh.  Though he was looking at someone else's ass.  The boy clearly realized it because he quipped something and the guy blushed but nodded, going to hit on that person instead.  Radek sighed, going over there.  "He was an ass," he said quietly.

"He wanted a tighter ass than mine, Radek.  That's all that was."

"You deserve better."

"Yeah but I doubt I'm going to find a real boyfriend up here," he said dryly.

He patted him on the hand.  "I have missed teaching you physics."

"I needed more simulator time.  Plus we're rigging a second seat into the control chair."

"I heard and it is a good idea," Radek said with a smile.  "Would take some stress off whoever is in it."  He patted him again.  "I am working on Faith's chemistry tonight.  We are doing explosives."

Xander beamed.  "I'm there."  Radek beamed back and left.  Xander finished up and went to take part in the classes.  He sat down next to Faith with a grin.  "'Splosives."

"Cool.  Explosives are wonderful."  He grinned at that.  Rodney walked in with Radek.  "Big problems?"

"No," Rodney said, sitting next to her.  "I'm going to go over some things Radek can't."  He smirked at them.  "Xander, don't you know explosives?"

"Some.  I should know more.  That way others think I'm even more scary," he quipped.

"I think you're scary enough," Radek told him with a smirk back.  "We think you should turn more fluffy sometimes."

"That way you can be all sweet and nice, and then scare the crap out of them by suddenly pulling out the warrior side," Faith quipped.

"He has that down," Rodney assured her.  "We'd love to see him quit hiding behind that and just be himself."  He patted him on the back.  "The Genii we ran into asked about you."

"Bad asked or good?"

"Good.  He wanted to know if you were coming to stitch more wounds."  Xander beamed at that, wiggling some on his stool.

Radek shook his head.  "You spoil them and they'll try to take you to keep you for that reason."

"That's not a bad reason to want me.  I miss spoiling someone with attention.  Though I'm never going down the path I did with Anya ever again."

"That's a healthy sentiment," Rodney said.  "You should never be the only one spoiling in a relationship."  Xander looked at him.  "I've had a few I thought about it with."

Xander smiled at him.  "You'd make someone a hellishly fussy, distracted husband, Rodney.  You'd have to check their PhD's."

"I would," he agreed.  "I can't abide by stupidity."

"I can agree with that," Radek agreed.

"There goes my chance," Faith quipped.

Rodney pinched her.  "You have a good mind, you simply didn't have the chance to train it.  The same as he didn't."  He smiled at her.  "Though I do think you're a bit too wild for me, Faith.  I would die keeping up with your affections."  She blushed.  "Unless you've gotten more calm since then?"

"How...." she asked Xander.

"Memory review," he said dryly.  "He even wanted to bleach his brain after seeing us as kids."

"I'm sorry you saw that," she told him.  "I was...."

He patted her on the hand.  "We've all had post-combat urges, Faith.  Even me."  She stared at him.  He shrugged.  "We get attacked a lot in case you hadn't noticed.  Some people seem to find natives who fling themselves at them and some of us have had to make due with what's at hand.  Do not let them talk you into that unless you want it," he said quietly.  She nodded and he smiled.  "Because I do feel quite brotherly and I would hate to get scowled at for blowing them away for disrespect."

"You'd do that?" she asked.

He nodded.  "I'm probably not the only one."  Xander shook his head.  Radek too.  "See?"

"I'm not usually the one that people protect," she said, looking at them.

Xander shrugged.  "You're one of my girls, Faith.  Same as Dawn is."  He stared her down.  "You're like a sister; any jarhead that disrespects you gets me up his nose and out his ass."

"I...  This I'm not comfortable with," she decided.

He grinned.  "Sure, I'll make sure they're fun but not disrespectful behind your back," he quipped.

"You're serious?" she demanded.

He nodded.  "Yup."  Rodney and Radek nodded too.  "The same as Mean Uncle Rodney there and Big Brother John threatened anyone who I played with."

"They told you?" Rodney asked.

"Yeah.  Not that I mind you guys reminding them I'm human."  He shrugged.  "If they do, it's cool.  If they don't, I can blip my ass to a brothel."

Faith gave him a shoulder-to-shoulder nudge.  "Was it good?"

"It was decent enough."  He shrugged.  "It was sex but no cuddling or anything."

"Pity."  He nodded.  "So, Radek, we get explosives?"  He nodded, putting up a formula.  She groaned but he went over each part and Xander told her what it was.   It went well and when Rodney got to his part it was more lecture but Xander asked a lot of questions to break it up on him.  They got down to making some explosives instead and it was a lot more fun.  Xander bounced back to his room, finding Lorne up there.  "We made plastique," he said with a huge grin, holding up his lump.

"That's very cool, Xander."  He let him into the apartment and he watched as Xander stored it in a plastic tub.  Then he put in the game and they sat down on the foot of the bed to play.  Radek came in after an hour so Xander sat him down and taught him how to play the game.  They all relaxed and it was good.  Lorne and Radek shared a few looks but Lorne only winked before handing over his game controller and excusing himself because he had an early shift.  He smiled as he walked to the transporter.

Xander glanced at Radek, then let him win.  Radek groaned.  "Do not let me win to be nice, Xander."

"I'm not," he said innocently.

"You are a sweet boy."  He gave him a hug.  Xander sank into him.  "You need more holding," he said quietly.  Xander gave him a small shrug but Radek settled them up the bed.  He turned off the game and blinked at the dvd that restarted.  "That is interesting."  Xander groaned, turning it off.  "You do what you must when there's no one around to think about."   He pulled Xander back up to the pillows and Xander snuggled into him.  Radek smiled.  This was comfortable.

***

Faith stopped Radek the next morning, staring at him.  "Don't hurt him," she said quietly.

"We are friends.  He needed a cuddle."  He smiled at her.  "Though it is good to be threatened.  It means you appreciate and like him."  He walked around her and went to the labs.

Faith shrugged, going to eat.  Ronon grunted since his mouth was full.  "Nothing.  Just making sure it was all kosher in some areas."  He gave her an odd look, stopping chewing even.  She smiled.  "It's cool."   He nodded, understanding that saying.  She got breakfast and sat down again.  "I'm so glad they got rid of the liver."

"It's once a month now," he warned.  "Tonight."

"Think X has cheetos or something?"

"I have no idea what cheetos are," he admitted.  "But one never knows about his treats.  I heard he has a very large television to play games on."

One of the other air force guys looked over.  "Harris brought up a big tv and a game system with all the books?  And we still don't know how he got them all up here."

Faith nodded with a smirk.  "Yeah.   Plus his dvd player.  He bought it after a week at a brothel."

He groaned.  "We need that for our fun day."

"He only has a few games," Lorne called from his seat.  "Racing, hockey, and Grand Theft auto.  A few others."

The major stared at him.  "Can you talk him to donate it for the fun day?"

"We'll see."  Xander strolled in.  "Xander, they wanted to know if you could donate the tv and game system for the fun day."

"If the transporter won't break it," Xander said with a small shrug.  "Or else I'd have to pout."

"You can't move the game system that way," Rodney called.  "We found that out with the one someone else brought."

"Mean Uncle Rodney said you'd have to carry them by hand," Xander told him with a grin.

He considered it.  "We'll see if we can do that."  He ate quickly and went to talk to John about that.  They had people who needed punishment duty.

John Sheppard walked into the cafeteria, walking over to Xander's seat.  "Would you donate it if we can guarantee it won't be damaged?"

"Sure, as long as it's still in very good condition when I get it back."

"Thanks, Xander."  He patted him on the head, getting a grin.  "No being the only one who wins."

"Of course not.  I barely get any practice time in.  I usually play with Evan and he's been busy."

"That's fine.  We're doing soccer."

"I wasn't any good at sports in school," he said sheepishly.

"Half of the scientists are playing," Rodney called.

"Then I might play.  They won't laugh when I trip over my feet."

"Good."  John smiled and walked off.  He had just the people who could carry that tv down all those stairs.  "Perkins, Masters, Tuesday you two are going up to Harris' rooms and getting his tv and game system to bring down to the rec room," he said when he ran into them.  "You can't take them through the transporter because it'll screw them up."  The groaned.  "Get all the games too."  He smirked as he walked off.

Perkins went into the cafeteria, finding Xander finishing up.  "How big is your tv, Harris?   We might need help."

"It's a LG 55 inch LED-LCD HDTV."  He grinned.  "It's *amazing* for playing games on."

"Damn," Perkins said, looking depressed.  "How much does it weigh and what size is it?"

"With the stand or without?"

"With," he said, slumping more.

"It's thirty eight inches high by just over fifty-four wide by almost eighteen inches deep."

"Weight?" he asked, sighing at the end.

"About eighty-six and a half with the stand."

"Could you not find something bigger?' he complained.

"There were two that were more pricy and a few that were supposed to be bigger but this one has wonderful speakers and stuff built in.  It was actually the cheaper of the three I looked at.  One was about five grand after taxes and it didn't have the same features.  This one was only about two and a half plus taxes.  Though I did hear rumors of an 82 inch tv, but I don't have that much wall space."

"Are you sure it can't be beamed?"

"If you want to buy him a new one when that one screws up," Rodney said, coming over.  "Don't shake it either.  The LED styles are prone to quit working if shaken too hard.  It's also very energy efficient."  Xander nodded.  "It's one of the better tv's out there.  And no, you can't use the transporter.  Asgard beaming maybe but not the transporters.  And remember, if you break it, you're buying him a new one."  He walked off happier.  "Xander, flight physics lessons with Faith this morning instead of simulator practice."

"Yes, Mean Uncle Rodney," he sighed.  He finished up and went to the lab.

Perkins went to whine at his friends about having to carry that thing down the stairs.

***

Radek hooked up the tv and game system then plugged it in.  He turned on the tv, staring at the blank picture.  He turned on the game system and it worked.  The guys cheered.   "There, we are set."  He smiled.  "Tell me when we get to Grand Theft.  I am going to play soccer."  He left them to their games.  Xander was out there warming up with a few of the other guys.  Including Jon.  He smiled and stole the ball, making Xander laugh and try to get it back.  They ended up tangled together but that was fine.  The referee called for the teams to be formed and they ended up opposite each other.

He did like Xander.  Not in the boyfriend sense but in a casual lover sense.  So he could make him impressed today.  Armand was sunning himself in his larger form and snagged any balls that went off into the water, tossing them back to the referee.  They were having a lot of fun.   When Radek's team won and were crowned with paper medals, they went inside to get a snack and check on the video games and movies.  Most of them went to the movies but a few ended up in the video games.  Lorne was kicking butt.

John looked at the game being played.  "All right, my turn to beat my XO," he teased with a smirk at Lorne.

"It's probably been a while since you *drove* something, Colonel," he taunted back.

"Maybe, but it can't be harder than a jet."  He took the controller and sat down, letting Lorne show him what each one was for.  That worked well and he let Lorne pick the course.  It was curvy, F-1 style.  He winced when he overshot one corner but at least he didn't crash.  The guys behind him were jeering and catcalling but he did better on the next round.  Lorne was laughing but he did good.  Lorne was still kicking his ass.  "Radek, come beat him," he told him.

"That is not one I'm familiar with, Colonel.  Xander and I were playing that corrupting game."

"He has what?" one of the lower scientists asked.

"Grand Theft Auto," Lorne said, holding it up.  They all hooted.  He beat John across the finish line and the guys all cheered at that.  John shook his hand.  He changed the game and they all snickered as the music stated.

Radek took one controller, playing against Evan.  He managed to get one of the special points and Evan groaned.  "I do not know any women like that one," he complained.

"We've all seen plenty of them," one of the marines quipped.  "They hang around bases, but none of them were that pretty."  The other guys laughed and Radek handed over the controllers when he got tired of the music.  The other guys hooted and trashed and shot, and had a lot of fun being bad this once.

Jon's comm went off and he hurried to the control room.  They had a single guy on gate duty.  He was in trouble anyway.  "What?"

"General Landry called, Lieutenant Colonel."

"Crap."  He hurried up to the main control area, smiling when he made it.  "Sir," he greeted.

"Is everyone asleep?"

"We called a relaxation day, General.  Everyone was wound a bit tightly."

"Oh, I see.  That's not a bad idea.  What were you doing?"

"Watching people pretend to be gangsters."

"Huh?"

"Video games, sir."

"Oh, never mind.  SG-1 has been running into a lot of priors and they wanted Harris warned he's going to be called back soon to deal with Adria."

"That's fine, sir.  I'll warn him tonight.  How soon do we think?"

"I have no idea yet.  How are you handling it up there?"

"We're doing good, sir.  It's going very well.  Xander's gotten a lot of necessary training for chair duty and they're figuring out how to put a backup chair into the system so you can have a helper firing."

"That's not a bad idea.  Let us know how that goes."  He cleared his throat.  "I heard there was a special request?"

"Xander's birthday was last week."

"Oh, I see."

"His twenty-second."

"I understand, Jon.  That's not a problem.   Let us know if you need anything else and we'll call if we run into problems only he can handle."

"That's fine, sir.  I'll warn him.  Thank you."  The link got cut and he turned off the gate.  Rodney came out looking inquisitive.  "SG-1 has been running into signs of Adria."

"Charming."

"He wanted to know how you're doing the co-pilot chair for the command chair."

"That's fine."  They walked back together.  "You mentioned his birthday?"

"He asked why the cake was being brought up."

"Hmm."  He grimaced.  "Do we think he'll throw a fit?"

"No.  I think he's realizing what he lost when Xander decided up here was more important."  They walked back into the video game room then he went to find Xander in the movie viewing area.  He leaned down next to his ear.  "Mitchell and his team have been running into a lot of Ori," he whispered, getting a look from the boy.  "Landry said to be ready in case."  Xander nodded at that.  "Good."  He smiled.  "This is goofy, right?"

"Very."  He pulled him down, making him watch with him.  Jon grinned at the stupidity of the movie.  You had to, it was extremely stupid.  Xander was leaning against his side and it was comfy.  Like frat brothers or back in the academy.  They clapped when the movie was done and he helped pick the next one.  Yeah, this was a good day.

***

Xander walked out of the gate, looking at the team in front of him.  He stared at them when they stared back.  "What?"

"Why did they send you this time?" Mitchell asked.

"Because the math people said there's a high probability of her showing up here."  He grinned.  "So, it's an expanded team today, guys."

"Sure," Mitchell said, nodding.  "We're visiting for the first time."

"Yeah, and the math people said you're going to have Atlantis style luck."

"Okay, we'll be on our guard then," Daniel decided.  They walked down the path together.  "So, how was your weekend off?"

"Huh?"

"We heard you guys got a free day?"

"Yeah, a Wednesday before Caldwell got there."  He smiled.  "It went pretty good.  Even if I did have to swat one of the guys carrying my tv up and down the stairs for bumping it."  Daniel snickered.  "Rodney said you can't transport those."

"No, you can't."  He smiled.  "How's it going on Nila?"

"Not bad.  I think I've narrowed down the area."  He beamed.  "Jon and them got me a birthday cake," he said quietly.

Daniel smiled.  "I heard.  That's a great thing."  Xander beamed and nodded.

Mitchell looked back.  "When was your birthday?  No one told us."

"A few weeks back.  Jon asked Caldwell to pick me up an ice cream cake because that's usually what I got myself."

"The girls didn't celebrate?" Cam asked.

"No.  Why would they?"

"Friends do that sort of thing."  Xander nodded.  "Okay, well....  If you're coming back to the base, you're getting cake tonight, Xander."  Xander grinned at that.  "You're what, barely legal?"

"Twenty-two."

"Like I said, barely legal and able to shave," he teased.  They walked on.  The flash of light took them all by surprise.  It was nice that they got to wake up in a very blue place.

Xander looked at the people who had him.  "What are you doing?  We came to visit and set up friendly relations."

"We do not allow visitors," the person in front of him said.  He was blue, finned a bit around the neck.  Had pointy ears and a few scales.

Xander nodded.  "Then next time, put up a sign and we wouldn't have.  We don't mean to upset anyone."

"Yet you carry weapons?"

"Do you know how many times the vegetation on planets has attacked us?" he countered.  He held up his arm, no matter how much they tried to stop him so he could show off a scar.  "From a tentacle plant."  Morticia had been mad at him that day for feeding her fish.

The being in front of him grimaced.  "Those are very high powered projectile weapons."

Xander nodded.  "It works against bad trees too.  We're here to set up peaceful relations.  That's all.  If you guys don't want us to, then we'll go.  No harm, no foul, no intent of harm meant."  He looked at the one on his right.  "Can I at least scratch my neck?  Whatever you guys tried to give me made an itchy spot."  That one sneered.  He shrugged.  "Fine."  He got free and scratched it anyway.  "Do you really think they'd send me, a linguist, and Daniel, a linguist, along with a physicist and two guards to do anything but talk peacefully?"

"Yet you shoved him off."

"Yeah, because I didn't want him groping me anymore."  He looked at the other one.  "Get your tentacle off my ass please," he said firmly.  "I'm not your toy."  He gasped and moved away.  Xander looked at her, he had decided she was female.  "We wanted to be peaceful."

"You are not of our type," she said firmly, moving closer.

"No, we're not.  Though I do have some fish DNA corruption due to someone doing something wrong when I was younger."  She glared at him.  He stared back.  "If you don't want to set up peaceful relations, that's fine with us.  We'll lock your gate from ours."  He shrugged.  "We've done it with others who didn't want to be peaceful with us."

"The Book says that we should not allow unconverted minds," she sneered.

Xander sighed mentally.  The Ori had already been here.  "My mind's converted just fine, lady.  Really."

"The Orici will want to talk to you."

Xander nodded.  "We've talked a few times.  Did she tell you I threw her in a river once?"  She gasped.  He stared at her.  "So, no, we'll be going."

"You will not.  I say you will not."

Xander sighed and pulled something off his necklace, holding it up.  He pushed the button once it was enlarged.  "This will destroy your whole base.  My people won't be hurt."  She gasped, backing away.  "If you don't want to be peaceful and won't let us go home, then we'll have to be mean."

"You are not linguist!"

He pulled out his ID, holding it up.  "Linguist," he said, pointing at that word.  "That doesn't mean I can't protect myself."

"Who are you?" she sneered.  "You are not normal."

He considered it then shrugged.  "Daniel?" he called since he heard them being brought out.

"Got our packs," Mitchell said.

Xander looked.  "Including mine?"  Mitchell held it up.  "Good."  He looked at her.  "Do you think she's worthy of the truth?"

"Sure," Cam said.  He took the bomb to look at.  "Sweet.  We missed your artillery, Tias Diamalan."

"Aww, you make me coo," he said with a grin.  The people around him gasped and started to wail.  "Now, let's get us back to the surface so we can leave."  He looked the head person over.  "There's no way I want to stay somewhere with minds so closed and weak."  He walked off, taking his pack back.  "Weapons?"

"Got 'em," Sam promised.

"Good."  He looked at the people guarding the tube to the surface.  "Let us up."

"I will not!" one shouted.

"I will blow you up," Xander said firmly, pointing at the bomb.  "It won't hurt us.  We're fully protected."  He smirked.  "Now, let us up."  He whimpered and the people behind them nodded so they let them into the tube's ship so they could hit the surface.

Sam looked around once they got up there.  "Xander, why are you carrying that?' she demanded in a hiss.

Xander stared at her.  "I always carry that, Sam."  She groaned.  He shrugged.  "I know you're female so you don't understand about weapons but it's good of me to do," he said dryly.  He heard the sound of beaming and looked.  "Huh.  Cam?"  Cam handed back the bomb.  Xander finished arming it and threw it at the main group of Ori soldiers.  They all grimaced at the spray of parts.  "I thought that'd be bigger," he complained to Daniel.

"Me too," Daniel admitted.  "Huh."

Cam gave them a dirty look.  "Guys, plan?"

Xander nodded, pulling off something else.  "Sure, here."  He smiled.  "I'd run for the gate once you have it set."  He looked around.  "Good morning!" he shouted, making them cringe.  "If you want to save your lives, just leave now.  Send her if you want, but if you're here, you're bits and pieces like those."   They stayed.  Adria showed up.  He blew a kiss.  "Morning to you too.  Let them go."

"No.  They're wrong.  As are you.  You can't be him."

Xander stared at her.  "You didn't see the painting?  Or hear the hymn they were working on as they left?"  She glared more.  He stared back.  "Mitchell has a bomb that will devastate this planet for the next fifty years.  I'll stay.  You guys can fight me.  Let them go."

"They'll be killed too," she pointed out.

Xander touched each one, putting a shield over them.  "No they won't."  She shrieked in anger.  He shrugged.  He shot the troops around them.  A few more beamed down.  He snickered and threw a smaller bomb at them, turning them into goo.  He looked at the remaining ones then got them down.   "Mitchell, take the bomb to the gate," he said quietly.  "I can get home."

"But...." Daniel said.  Xander held up his bracelet.  "Okay."  He took Xander's pack and they headed off.  Not many troops were getting in their way this time.  He texted Xander's phone but heard it ring in the pack.  "Shit."

Cam shook his head.  "Dial out, send our IDC.  We're here until we get him back or we get orders.  And I don't mean to set it off and let him die."  Sam dialed out and sent their code through then called over their comms.

"Xander, we're here," Daniel called over it.

"Good.  Go home, Danny.  I'll be there soon."

"But...."

"Now."

"No," Cam told him.

***

Xander hung up on his comm, staring at her.  "Noble beyond belief."

"Of course they are.  The same people spread the genes but ours were clearly superior."

"Not really," Xander told her.  "Being ascended is boring.  Who wants to do that?"  She shrieked and tried to attack.  He sent it aside.   She tried again and he did it again.  "Did you learn nothing since the day I threw you in that river, Adria?" he sighed.

She growled.  "Of course I did!"  She threw something heavier at him.  He caught it and looked at it then tossed it back at her.  "How dare you!"

"Ori and other ascended ran away from life, Adria.  They're failures," he said, moving closer.  "They're not worth following, much less worth worshiping.   How fucking boring is their life?  They've given up on everything that makes life interesting and special."  He moved closer.  "There is nothing in their existence that matches up with waking up in the morning and smelling the trees or flowers around you.  Or a walk outside in the sun on a warm day.  Nothing worth making it a *life*.  You've built a faith around the dead."

"They are not!" she said firmly, trying to physically hit him this time.  He grabbed her wrist.  No matter how much she struggled he had her and she could feel her power draining.  "What are you doing!  Let me go!"

"I'm going to.  If you want to ascend, I'd work really hard now," he said quietly, staring at her.  "I can save myself.  You won't be able to and any soldiers left are going to be killed here too."

"They know it's in the glory of the Ori," she sneered.

"We have our own religions that're just as bad.  Most people laugh at them too."

"We have converted many worlds."

"Yeah, you overran worlds of technologically lesser people," he said dryly.  "What great bullies you are, Adria.  You don't get worlds where they're just as advanced as you are.  That makes you pathetic in whole other ways."  He let her go.  "If you're going to live, I'd go now.  This whole area to those mountains won't be around later on."

"You'd kill these people?' she asked.  "After what you just said?"

"They're under the water.  That'll cushion them.  Anyone up here is toast.  Beyond that, they're Ori corrupted."  He tapped his comm.  "Daniel, set it off and run.  It has a three minute timer.  I'll be back in a few."  He hung up.  "See you sometime, Adria."  He teleported off.  He felt Daniel's shield closer than it should be and groaned, going back to grab him and take him to safety.  The bomb went off while they were in the mountain area.  He felt the rush over him and concentrated.

The blippy took the picture on his mind and took them there instead of back to the base.  They landed surrounded by water.  Daniel had the shield so he could breathe.  Xander concentrated on the thought of 'shields on'.  They came up and the water was drained out of the area.  He panted, taking the shield off Daniel.  He waved a hand.  "Nila, do you have an AI?" he called.  Three images showed up in the water outside the shield and wavered then failed.  Another two showed up and one stayed.  "Ah."

"This is Nila?" Daniel asked, looking around.  It looked familiar but not exactly like Atlantis.  He looked at the AI.  "Are you Nila?"

The image nodded, coming into the shield.  "I am.  One of you is a child of us," she said, staring at Xander.

"I am."  She came closer and tested him.  "I know we have some extra energy.  There was an explosion thanks to the Ori.  What the Cerevan became."

"I have records of that war," she admitted.

"In it, I'm listed as Tias Diamalan."

She bowed.  "Welcome to the first home, Tias Diamalan."

"Call me Xander and this is Daniel."

"Is he your mate?"

"Coworker.  We're tau'ri."

"I understand."  She smiled at him.  "How did you get here?"

"I got us out of the way of the explosion."

"I see.  That is natural."

"Where are we?" Daniel asked.  "What planet?  Is there a gate address?  Xander and I have been looking for you for months.  We have found Atlantis and wanted to recover you as well."  She rattled off a series of numbers and he wrote them down.

"I thank you," Xander said.  "If we come, do you have the power to raise?"

"I do," she admitted.

"To fly to Pegasus to meet with Atlantis?"

"Yes."

Xander beamed.  "That's so cool.  Thank you, Nila.  We will be back soon.  Daniel, can I send you off?"

"No.  Landry is going to throw a fit if I show up without you."

"I was going to use the stargate so we had a reciprocal address."

"We can do that.  I have an IDC."

"What is an IDC?" Nila's AI asked.

"It's a code so our people know it's us coming through instead of someone like a gou'ald.  We were at war with them."

"That is reasonable.  The gate will not work to gate out.  It would take too long and you would drown.  For safety reasons I cannot create a bubble shield that close to the gate."  They nodded at that.

"Is there somewhere on earth, our planet, that would have more information on what they created for you?" Xander asked.  "We know there's more than the Antarctic outpost left on our planet."

"There are many."  She let Daniel find his laptop and added files to it.  She smiled.  "You have come far."  She faded out.

Xander let Daniel put things safely back then blipped them back to the conference room.  He took a deep breath.  "Okay, we're here," he said, making Cam jump up to check on them.  Xander flopped down.

"Why are you wet?" Sam demanded.

"The explosion radius was a bit further than I thought.   We blipped to Nila."  He looked at the general.  "There's more outposts on earth."

"Are you sure?" he demanded.

Daniel pulled out his computer, then the paper he had written numbers on. "I don't know the reference point.  That's her answer to where they were."  He opened his computer to find the new files.  "There's sixteen smaller lab sort of places."  He let the general look at it.  He smiled at Xander.  "You found her."

"I did.  She's also got a few different AI attempts," he told Sam.  "It's not a single one.  We saw about three I think."

Daniel nodded.  "The last two that manifested did look like the first three."  He looked at Sam.  "So we have one.  It didn't look exactly the same but fairly similar to Atlantis."

"Did Adria survive?" Landry asked.

Xander nodded.  "I felt her 'port out but she's real weak.  She also lost a shitload of soldiers," he said.  "She won't be back for a while and I think.... she got the point that ascended aren't worthy of worship.  I made her think."  Landry stared at him.  He shrugged.  "We fought and had a talk at the same time.  I pointed out how worthless that life is because you aren't *living*.  She looked a bit defeated at that time.  The merpeople or whatever are protected by the water they're in."  Landry sighed and nodded.  "Also, the first place I made it to, before going back for Daniel, was crashed ships."

"Ori?" Sam guessed.

"Gou'ald.  Not pyramids but their style of decorating, a lot of glyphs."

"Interesting.  Are you sure?"

"No and they were real ancient.  Like the one dig with the worms that kept trying to flirt with Daniel."

"So maybe a testing ground of their own," she said.  "Do you think they'd let us scan from space?"

"I didn't see any evidence that they had space capabilities so could they stop us?" Xander asked.

"No, probably not.  I'll talk with Ellis about that, sir."

"Please," Landry agreed.  "Well, for a total fuck up of a mission it ended well," he decided.

Xander looked at him.  "They're in this solar system, right?"  Cam and Landry both nodded.  "They've been converted long enough to not be scared but being proud of being Ori."

"Damn it," Cam muttered.  "So they've been converted for years."

"Probably generations.  They had lost all fear of priors and Adria.  Called her 'her'."

"So probably at least a century, so they've been sneaking," Daniel realized.  Xander nodded.  "Crap."

"I'm guessing there's a missionary troupe, not a real ship but maybe just a small group with a prior.  Probably going gate to gate.  Doing it more subtly or we'd have heard and seen mass extinction signs.  A few years here and there to convert then move on.  The Ori Tent Revival, let us heal what we caused," he finished smartly.

"We can look for that and warn others," Sam said.  She made herself a note.  "They're on the outer rim of this galaxy."

"So would they work in toward the center directly or around the edges?" Cam asked.

"I'd say the edges.  There's a lot of less advanced societies out there," Daniel pointed out.  "Plus that would give them a point of support no matter where they came into the galaxy.  I'm guessing at least a few out that way."  They all nodded.  He considered it, looking at Xander.  "Have you guys heard anything about the super gate that they're trying to rebuild?"

"Yes.  It's up."  Landry moaned.  "I sent that bit of intel back a few weeks ago."

"I know you did," Landry said.  "I'm waiting to see what we can do about it."

"We need a heavier war cruiser sort of ship to take it out," Xander told him.  "Something like a super carrier instead of the ones we have."

"We won't have it out of the docks for a year," Sam told him.

Xander sighed and nodded.  "I don't know then.  You guys have the advanced weapons."  They all nodded.  "Personally I'm all for seeing if we can put a password so they can't use it from their side," Xander said.  "Like our iris."

"That....  You know, I'm not sure which side the processor for the gate dialing is," Sam admitted.  She made another note.  "I'll get into that, Xander."

Landry nodded.  "Let me know first, Carter."

"Of course.  He's just an idea generator."

"My project of the moment is the database on Atlantis and then Nila," he said.  She handed over that string of numbers.  "I'll ask Rodney about that when I get back."  He looked at the general.  "With permission to go buy a few new video games, check on Dawn, then head home?"

"Go for it," Landry said with a smile.  "Thank you, Xander."

"Call me if she shows back up."  He blipped off to check on Dawn, landing in Jack's desk chair and putting his feet up.  He heard Dawn squeal and come running at him, letting her climb into her lap to hug him.  "Hi."

"Hi!"

Ianto leaned in.  "He'll be mad if you put your feet on his desk and I won't be fond of the mud on the paperwork, Xander."  Xander moved his feet, grinning at him.  "Thank you."  He went to tell Jack that Xander was there.  Gwen was wiggling a finger in her ear.  "Xander's stealing your chair to catch up with her.  He looks a bit damp so she'll probably need a moment to change as well."

"That's fine.  Don't get mud on it!" Jack shouted.

"I'm not!"

Jack smiled.  "Maybe he'll take her shopping instead."

"I have gotten a good education in skirts and shoes," Ianto said.  "If I ever chose to cross-dress, I'd have it made to sultry and flirty instead of slutty."

Jack smirked.  "Some day, I might see if that's fun."

"No you won't," Ianto assured him with a smirk.

***

Xander landed in the control area of Atlantis, looking at Chuck.  "Where's Rodney?"

"Off world."

"Damn it!  I kinda need his brain.  We found Nila."  He went to find Radek, handing Evan the bags he carried.  "Save my fries for me.  And a burger."

"Sure, Xander."  He looked in the bags, grinning at the games.  Plus the junk food.

Xander walked into the lab, pulling Radek away from his current project.  "We found Nila kinda by accident.  Her answer to 'where are you' is a set of numbers."  He dug it out and let him have it.  "Where is that?"

Radek looked at it, frowning.  "That's nothing I understand."  He smiled.  "Is it pretty?"

"Yeah.  She's got multiple AI attempts."

"Wonderful!"  He grinned.  "Anything else?"

"She's definitely sunk, has no shields because Daniel and I nearly drowned, and has enough power to get here by flying."

"Even better."  He settled down to look at the numbers.  "It can't be galactic center.  They didn't measure that way."

"Is it like GPS?" he asked, sitting down.  Evan brought in the bags for him.  "Thanks, Evan."

"Welcome and thanks for the new game, Xander."  Xander beamed at him.  "I took a nutty bar."

"You could've gotten more."

"I'll come poach later," he promised.  "When we try out the new game."

"Sure."  Evan left them to think together.  Xander handed Radek a hershey bar, getting a moan and a hug.  He beamed.  "You need it because Mean Uncle Rodney is off-world."

"He'll be thrilled too, Xander.  Did you check on Dawn?"

"I did and told her that if she was going for flirty, it was two inches lower."

Radek laughed and nibbled his candy bar, glancing in the bag.  "New game?"  Xander let him see it.  "That is very nice."

"And I splurged so they didn't have to steal my tv again," he said dryly.  Radek laughed.  "That way you guys get downtime fun."  They went back over the numbers.  He smacked himself on the forehead.  "AI?" he called.  She appeared.  "I found Nila.  She's here.  Where is that by planet or stargate please?"  He let her see the numbers.

She looked at him.  "I can tell that you found her.  Your hair radiates of the chemicals in her water."  Radek snipped some immediately.  She looked at the numbers and rattled off another set.

"What's the starting point of that set?" Radek asked.

"Here."

"Is she in the Milky Way galaxy?" Xander asked.

"I believe she is.  You do radiate like her, Xander.  You should bathe."

"I will in a minute.  Thank you."

"You are welcome."  She disappeared.

Radek got what he needed to take samples of his skin and sweat.  In case it was necessary.  They ran it and compared it against the Milky Way galaxy database.  That set of numbers gave them a good start however.

***

Rodney came back dragging his pack.  John was tired.  Even Ronon was looking tired and Teyla was all but sleep walking.  Radek came walking in.  "Xander found Nila."

Rodney dropped his pack.  "Where is she?"  He followed him back to the lab.  That was better than a double espresso.

Xander had left him with the problem since it was nearly the middle of the night.  "She's at this address using this city as a starting point.  But there's no planets there."

"AI?" Rodney called.  She appeared.  "What measurement is this address in?"

She looked then smiled.  "Local light years," she reported.

He beamed, refiguring it.  He pointed at the map Radek had put up.  "She's in this solar system?"

"Yes, she is."  She faded out.

"Thank you," Rodney called.  He put a pin in it.  "We have an idea."

Radek smiled, logging into the system to look at the planets.  "There's six habitable planets, fifteen total including a large asteroid like planet on the outer edge.  A weak, orangish sun.   We can't compare the contaminants he came back with because we don't have scans yet."  He looked at him.  "He found it by accident and nearly drowned.  They have multiple AI's there."

"Tester ones and they put the most stable here," Rodney said, considering it.  He looked at the report Radek pointed out.  Daniel and Xander had both written one.  Daniel's was emailed.  He hummed.  "Too bad Adria survived."  They went back over the database entries again.

***

Xander looked at Caldwell when he reappeared from looking at that galaxy, getting an unhappy look.  "Not even an ATA carrier?"

"No, not even with O'Neill."

"She likes me," Xander said.  "I should've went."

"Probably," he agreed.  "We can swing by there on the way back if you're quiet about it."  Xander squealed and hugged him.

"You learned that off Dawn," Jon called as he walked past their position up the hall.

Xander beamed at him.  "Are you sure?"

"Yup.  Though you're taking some breathing equipment."  Xander beamed.  "It's fully shielded from an air search."

"That makes sense.  They wouldn't want an enemy finding it," he pointed out.  He sighed.  He looked at his bracelet.  "I got forbidden."

"I know."

John came out to look at them.  "Take air gear, take McKay, take Caldwell," he ordered quietly.  Xander beamed.  "Be back within a week."

Xander jogged off to get Rodney while Caldwell got what he wanted to bring.  They came back and Xander put on his scuba pack.  Rodney got his on.  Caldwell had his but he looked almost resigned.  Xander took them, which was his maximum number of people, to Nila's room.  The shield came up and he beamed, looking around.  "Nila?"  The AI's fought again and a new one came up.  "Hi, did the other one tell you?"

"What is known to one is known to all, Xander," she replied.  "Who are these?"

"These are Doctor McKay.  He is the chief scientist on Atlantis.  This is Colonel Caldwell, he is an important figure in our space fleet."

She bowed to them.  "Nice to meet you both."  She looked at him.  "It is dangerous to be here.  There are bad things in the water."  She wavered and another one appeared.  "There is radiation in the waters."

"I know, which is why we want to move the ship back to where Atlantis is," Rodney told her.  "We're still learning about the city since they all Ascended."

She nodded.  "We knew they were going to.  It is a shame they did not leave more notes than my construction."

"They did and I've been decoding it," Xander said in ancient.  She beamed at him.  "Can you put up the shields and pump out the water?"  A bigger shield came up and the water slowly fell around them.  "Thank you."  He looked at Rodney, who grinned and hurried up to look at the controls.  "Nila, are we able to raise to the surface of the water?"

"The air is more dangerous."

"The shield should keep it out?" he asked.

"I had not thought of that.  It should," she agreed.  She raised them up.  They all smiled at the strange suns on the horizon.  She looked at the fragile humans.  "We should not stay in this solar system.  It is dangerous."

"We're not going to," Rodney assured her.  "We want you back with Atlantis."

"I would like to rejoin my child," she agreed, then wavered.  "We should leave soon."

"Are we flight ready?" Caldwell asked, moving to look at things.  "Show me the flight schematics please?"  She did that and he made a few changes.  "We need a shield the whole way."  She nodded.  "Even if it's just in here."

"I can do so."

"Do we have defensive weapons in case we run into asteroids?" Xander asked.

"Yes," the other two said together.

"Okay, just checking.  Can you plot the fastest way to Pegasus galaxy for him?" Xander asked.  She did that and Caldwell beamed at her.  "Good?"

"Excellent."  He input a final destination and she nodded, changing one of the earlier stages so they could make it there easier.  "Thank you, Nila.  Are there sentient beings on this planet?"

"No, Colonel Caldwell."

"Then let's lift off now."

"I will need the child in the chair."

"Show me where it is," Xander said with a grin.  She showed him by lighting up that way and he sank into the chair.  Shields came up around him and she lifted off.  "Guys, are we good?" he called once they made it into space.

"We're fine, Xander," Rodney called.  "Coordinates set?"

"Input and we're going," Caldwell sent back.

"This is *so* cool!" Xander called.

"It's definitely different than being on a fully enclosed ship," Caldwell agreed.  "We have an ETA of about six days."  He heard Xander giggle and sighed.  "What, Harris?"

"The only time I've flown the pilot said that."

"I'm much cooler than any airline pilot," he said dryly.

"Of course you are," Xander agreed.  "But you do a good impersonation."

"Thanks, kid.  McKay, did you think to bring anything like food?"

"I always have something on me in case my blood sugar drops," he admitted, sounding like he was concentrating.  "We'll make do."

"If you're sure."

"I am."  He smirked at him.  "Because I said so."  He got back to work.  There was no way he'd starve to death after this big of a find.

14: A Debating Family

John Sheppard looked up when Chuck squeaked, walking out of his office to look at the same display he was.  He tapped his comm.  "McKay, is that you?  If it's not, I'm going to scramble jumpers immediately."

"We deserve chocolate," Xander called back.  "A lot of chocolate."

"I'll have some done for dinner, Harris."  He grinned, patting Chuck on the back.  "Are they going to dock?  Where do I need to clear?"

"Nila says the east pier with the new power supply is her dock and she'll be very gentle with the new power supply until I can move it somewhere more shielded," Rodney said.  "And I agree, we deserve chocolate.  And a long bathroom break."

"I'll keep that in mind," he agreed patiently.  He went down to wait on them to land.  The ship landed itself, because none of them, even Caldwell, could land something that ungainly that delicately.  He walked over and jumped down to walk onto the city for the first time.  "Good afternoon, Nila, and welcome to the Pegasus galaxy," he said quietly.

An image wavered in front of him.  "Thank you for bringing me back to my child."

"I'm Colonel Sheppard, I'm in charge of Atlantis's military people.  I protect you and them."  The image wavered again, almost seeming to bow.  "Can I have my people to check on them?  They deserve a good dinner."

"They do.  They are heading for the bathroom I believe you humans call it."

John smiled.  "We'll come look around tonight then."

"That is reasonable.  Let me power down fully."

"Please do, but do whatever Doctor McKay told you to do in regards to the databases and things."

"I already have."

"Excellent.  I'll see you in a few hours with Xander."

"As you wish."  She faded out.

He climbed back onto the pier with the help of a Marine and a rope, heading for the nearest bathrooms.  "Guys?" he called as he walked in.  "Is there a problem with hers?"

"They never built one," Rodney called from his stall.

"Peeing into space, very surreal," Xander agreed.

Caldwell moaned.  "They're insane, Sheppard."

"I knew that already.  Thanks for the warning.  Once you guys are done, have a shower, and a meal in my office, we'll talk about what you found out and then inform the main base."

"Got it," they called.

John walked out, smiling at the marines staring at the new, smaller city.  "That is Nila.  She's the prototype for Atlantis.  Xander and Daniel were looking for her."  They smiled and wandered off.  "For now, let's leave her off limits until we can do a bit of exploring.  Post guards so the scientists don't do something dumb."

"Yes, sir," a few said, going to guard it so they could get a good look.

John went up to his office.  The three of them showed up damp from showers, in generic clothes from Supply that still had creases, and with huge trays. "Did we forget food?"

"McKay thought to bring about seventeen power bars," Caldwell said.  "I agree with the kid.  They're gross."

"They do when nothing else is around," Rodney said.  "Though I'm glad it's not liver night.  Even though I'd probably eat it today."  He dug in, moaning.  "Flavor."

"Much flavor," Xander agreed.

John waited until they had inhaled most of the food on their trays.  "Okay, let's talk," he decided.  They all looked at him.  "Good job."

"Thank you but peeing into space while you're moving is very strange," Xander told him.  Rodney moaned and Caldwell shook his head.  "It is!"

"It was," Caldwell agreed.  "Also she wouldn't fly if he wasn't in the chair.  Asleep was fine but he had to be in the chair."

"Good to know.  Is Atlantis going to have that problem?"  Xander nodded.  "For sure?"

"Probably.  I asked and she said that was a safety feature."

"Excellent to know."  He made that note.  "Anything else of note?"

"The AI's are merged but separate.  It's like MPD," Rodney told him.  "They all know the same thing but they'll change now and then.  They all like you to be polite and clear when you ask things.  Some of them will not respond to none ATA carriers," Rodney told him.

"Okay," John agreed.  "Their database?"

"I've downloaded it and the AI to Xander's computer since I thought to grab it from the lab.  It has a lot of construction notes.  Also, she has a set of stored ZPM's on it."  John smiled at that.  "Third, she's a bit...fussy.  They were clearly using her as a living lab.  That's why there's no bathrooms or food areas.  Or botany."

"What areas do we have?"

"Building," Xander said.  "It looked like  a few chemistry labs?"

Rodney nodded.  He pulled the computer out of his bag, turning it on to show him the schematics.  "This is very interesting," John said, smiling at them.  "Great job, guys."

"Thank you," Xander agreed.

"We did tell her not to merge the two AI's," Rodney said.  "I wasn't sure if hers were a bit virused or could corrupt ours.  I did get a good bit of it settled into english and now know what the problem is with the bottom tower."  John smiled at that.  "Otherwise," he sighed, looking at Xander.  "She has a crush."

"She's much nicer than the usual women who like me."

"I'm happy to hear that," John assured them.  "Anything else I should report?"

"Yeah, she likes Daniel.  Rodney had a talk about Sam Carter and Nila told him not to bring her onto the city.  She has a thing against female scientists.  Apparently one screwed up something."

"Okay," John said, taking that note down.  "Rodney, you and Radek?"

"Definitely.  We'll introduce her to Miko.  She might like her since she's good, quiet, and not bouncy."

"Please do.  Caldwell, anything you noticed?"

"She's a compact little ship.  Could use some updating and renovations.  Could definitely use a caf and a bathroom or six.  She has a stargate, but she's got no ramp up to it.  It looks like they moved heavier materials through it onto a lift or something."  John nodded, making that note as well.  "We couldn't do much exploring."

"We can take video of her to send back," Xander offered.

"I can definitely help you guys do that," John agreed.   He smiled.  "They're going to be ecstatic."

"She will throw someone off a pier," Caldwell noted.  "Rodney got a bit rude from hunger and nearly got ejected one night.  Xander had to beg her to quit trying to buck him off."

"I'll keep that in mind," he agreed.  "I'll make sure everyone who goes knows that they're to be absolutely polite.  Xander, Armand has been living with Ronon."

"I saw him and he snubbed me but he cooed at my damp hair.  He's waiting and looking at the new city."

"Wonderful.  Let's get a video camera and then we'll go explore."  They got up and took their trays back to the cafeteria, Xander and Rodney getting something to nibble on the way.

Xander picked up Armand, sharing his popcorn with him.  The little dragon was happy with that.  They paused at the joining area.  One marine was in the water.  "Nila, I'm sure he was just anxious to see how pretty you are," he called.

"He does not have permission yet," she said.  She appeared.

"Okay.  Can we come on with John?  He's like me.  You met him earlier."

"Of course.  Please come back."

Xander hopped down, letting Armand sniff.  "This is Armand, he's my baby dragon."

"He is adorable," Nila said after scanning him.  "Is he supposed to have a bent scale under his tail?"

"No," Xander said, looking.  He wiggled it and took that part off, earning a pouty, hurt look.  "Sorry but that'll catch and rip out, Armand.  You know I want you to not be in pain."  He kissed him on the head, carrying him around.  John followed with a camera.

"Nila, can I join them?" Jon asked.  "This is Ronon, he's from Sateda, which was a local planet, and this is Radek, he's Rodney McKay's second-in-command."

"And you are?" she asked.

"Jon O'Neill."

"You feel like an Asgard, Jon O'Neill."

"One cloned me from the general over this project."

"Interesting.  Yes, you may come but that thing behind you may not.  I do not like their type."

Jon looked back at Teyla.  "Her?"

"Yes."

"What don't you like about her?" Ronon asked.

"She is female."

"Okay, we can deal with that problem," Jon agreed.  "Teyla?"

"I do not mind.  There must have been something horrible to make her hate women."  She bowed to the image that popped up where they could see.  "I will respect your privacy, Nila."

She stared at her.  "Do you like her, Xander?"

"She's a very close friend, Nila, and she only wants to explore.  She's a guardian of her people, not a scientist."

"Then I will allow it this once or I will throw her off if she is not nice."

"Thank you," Teyla said, smiling at her.  "I would never mean any disrespect to any city of the ancients."  They climbed down and walked on to join the others.  John was taking a lot of film.  Jon started his own in the control area.  Xander grinned and pointed so he went to look at other things.

"Rodney, I was thinking," Xander said, petting Armand's stomach for him.  "Can we send a signal to any possible leftover earth outposts, having them send a locating signal to the ships?"

"We probably could," he admitted.  "I have no idea how we would do that."

"What frequency is this ship on?" Nila asked.  Caldwell dug out his comm piece, letting her scan it.  "I can send that order once contact with earth is made."

"We'll be contacting them through the stargate in about an hour," John told her.  "Thank you for that help."

"It is no problem.  Why are you filming my insides?"

"So the other people on the project can see how amazing you are," Xander told her.  The AI smiled at him before disappearing.

Both Johns looked at him.  "You're very sweet," John Sheppard told him, getting a shy grin back.  They finished taping and he went to the main control area.  He nodded at Chuck.  "Dial Midway, tell them we're sending through information.  I need a direct link."

"Yes, sir."  He did that.  "General Landry is coming," he said, putting it on the bigger screen.  Rodney uploaded the file and Nila sent her command as well.  "Sir," he said, saluting when he came into view.

"Colonel Sheppard, is it an emergency?"

"Sir, if you'll look in your system, we just sent you the first film taken from Nila's insides."

"Excuse me?"

"She's presently off our east pier.  She is very nice, very helpful, very sweet, but does not like females for some reason, especially not scientists.  McKay thinks that she had a bad run in with one during construction or testing.  She does have multiple artificial intelligences melded together, though they will switch form now and then.  She does not like non-ATA carriers on her but has decided that Radek is very nice as well."

"How did she get there?"

"They went back to find her when Caldwell said that they couldn't find it from space due to the heavy radiation on that planet."  Caldwell nodded from his seat.  "I authorized Xander to take Colonel Caldwell and Doctor McKay back with him.  They flew the ship back and it is now parked off our east pier."

"That's amazing and I thought I ordered it to be retrieved from space."

"She won't fly without an ATA carrier in the chair," Caldwell told him.  "We had some interesting pauses when Xander had to use the bathroom, sir.  It was very odd."

"I see."  He got into the video then smirked at him.  "I would like to see her."

"We're here, sir, but she does like ATA carriers."

"I'll bring O'Neill with me.  What is going on, Walter?"

"Sir, Colonel Ellis said that they are receiving signals from various places down here."

"Yes, those are the other labs and/or outposts left on the planet," Rodney said with a smile.  "We asked and Nila sent that command so they could be found."

"That's...absolutely amazing," Landry decided.  "Good job, Atlantis team.  We'll be there in a few days.  Anything we should be aware of?"

"They deserve chocolate, sir.  They really do."

"Agreed.  We'll bring some up."  He hung up and John had the gate shut down on his end.  He called Jack.  "Get here now."  He hung up, looking over the film again.  Jack got beamed into his office.  "They found Nila, Ellis is compiling a list of where all the labs and outposts down here are."

"Excuse me?"

Landry called the ship.  "Colonel Ellis, I want a list of all those nice outposts that Nila found for us.  ASAP."

"Beaming down to you now, sir."

"Thank you."  He hung up and let him see the film.  "We can't send Carter.  She reacts poorly to females," he said quietly.

"I heard her talking to Teyla," he agreed.   He went back over it again until Ellis stomped in.  "How many labs or outposts?" he asked after waving off the salute.

"Seventeen, sir."

"Any problematic?"

"Mostly allies, one that's pretty neutral to us.  One in Africa."  He handed over the list.  "How did they do that?"

"They asked nicely for the prototype city to send them that command," Landry told him dryly.  "Sheppard said the trio deserves chocolate."

"They deserve medals as well," he agreed.  He nodded.  "Okay, me, have Lam join us to check out the infirmary on it.  I'll get her cleared."  Landry nodded.  "There's no bathrooms."

"Caldwell said peeing off into space while moving was very odd," he said dryly.  "They had ration bars."

"That's good to know," Jack said dryly.  "Didn't we order it found from space?"

"Apparently it had some native radiation so it was hard to find.  Sheppard made him take McKay and Caldwell."

"Interesting.  We'll go and I'll get them each a good box of candy."

"McKay's allergic to citrus."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He looked at the list Ellis had for him.  "Very interesting.  Did they register what they were?"

"They sounded off, sir.  We have two more outposts and a few more labs."

"Good.  One's in Boston harbor?"  Ellis nodded.  "Okay.  Tell the IOA about this, not Nila for now," Jack ordered.  "Let Woolsey tell them when he gets off vacation.  By then we should know a great deal about her."  He handed the list over.  "Good job to them and you.  I'll be back in two days to go up with you, Hank."  He got beamed back to his office.

Landry smiled.  "This'll be an interesting time."

"Very.  Glad I'm in space.  There's going to be some screaming, preaching, and bitching, sir."  He left, going back to his ship after a quick stop in the on-base store.  He needed a bit of chocolate himself.  And toffee.

***

In Boston, a pair of brothers stared at the harbor when lights from underwater started to blink.  "Holy fucking God," one breathed.  When the other didn't smack him on the head with a reminder not to use God's name in vain, he looked at his twin.  "You alive?"

He nodded, crossing himself.  "I'm not sure what that is but I think it's something huger than Angels appearing."

"Aye."  They walked off smoking.  They didn't want to be caught anywhere near there when officials showed up.  Because someone would call about the water suddenly lighting up that way.   They went to church to pray that it wasn't armageddon.

***

Jack walked through the stargate, tossing McKay his box of chocolates.  "Citrus free, doesn't have a citrus warning on the back."  Rodney smiled at that.  "Where's the kid?"

"Fussing at Armand's scales in the group shower.  He's got some shedding and scratching so he's giving him a bath."

"He can't do that in his room?" Landry asked as he joined Jack.

"No.  Armand's refusing to go down to lap sized at the moment."  He sniffed.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  Jack headed that way.  "Kid, introduce us to your new friend?"  Armand meeped at him so he petted his nose.  "We need him, are you nearly clean?"  Armand yawned and wrapped around his father's side.  "Armand, you can have him later."

"I'm nearly done," Xander promised quietly.  He finished the last bit of scrubbing and Armand yawned, shrinking again.  "Want to go see Nila?"  Armand got up and waddled out, letting him shut off the showers.  "Sorry."

"Not a problem," Landry assured him.  "All pets need a bath sometime, kid."  They walked out and they paused to look at the smaller construct.  "Nila, may we board?" he called.

"Who are you?" she asked.  She appeared in front of them, changing forms.  "A child."

"I'm Jack O'Neill."

"Jon told us about you.  He told us why he smelled of the Asgard."

"Yup, that's me.  This is General Landry.  He and I head over this project and the others.  He heads over the main base if you got information on that."

"I have.  Welcome aboard.  Hello, Armand.  You look very nice."  The dragon meeped and purred at her.  They all hopped down and walked inside.  "I can provide a ladder if it would help," she offered.

Jack grinned at her.  "I might take you up on that on the way up."

"You're welcome."

"Thank you."  He let her lead the way to the control room where Radek was working.  He nudged Xander and handed him his box of candy, getting a hug back.  "You deserve it, kiddo."  He came over to talk to Radek while Hank looked around.  "How's it going?"

"She is amazing but they really did test various methods of construction on her."  He smiled up at the general.  "She is easily fixed if there are problems beyond a few lights."

"Does that mean you can put in a bathroom?" Xander asked, opening his candy and inhaling a piece with a moan.

Nila's AI reappeared to stare at him.  "Are you ill, Xander?  The ancients never made that noise around me.  I am unsure of how to process it."

"It's pleasure," he promised with a smile.  "Pure pleasure.  Jack got me very good chocolates."

"I see.  Pleasure?"  He nodded so she scanned him and nodded.  "I will put such noises in that category.  A few of the scientists Radek brought have done the same but they do not answer when I ask."

"They're too involved to realize anyone else is there," he promised.  She beamed.  "Thank you for asking, Nila.  It's very good that you watch out for me."

"Someone must beyond Evan and Radek."  She faded out again.

Jack smiled at him.  "She's sweet."

"She's very sweet."  He ate another piece, letting Radek have one.  "Since you found the plumbing."

Radek took one with a smile.  "Thank you, Xander."  He ate it and moaned.  "Oh, so good, General.  Thank you."  He finished it and got back to work.

Evan strolled in and saluted, getting waved off by Jack.  "Sir, did you need a tour guide?"

"Please," he agreed.  "She's obviously amazing."  Evan nodded and led him off, collecting the other general on the way.

Xander got down to helping Radek.  Evan came back to get his own sweet and walked off smiling again.  They all clapped as one of the scientists got ejected into the water.  "I told you not to be rude," Xander called.  "Next time, use manners!  We're guests!"

Radek patted him on the shoulder.  "It is good you learned manners even though your parents were horrid."

"Willow's mom made sure I learned them."

Radek smiled.  "She did a good job on that."  Xander grinned back and they got back to looking at the wiring she had.

***

Jack looked at John Sheppard.  "Good reason to deviate from orders," he said quietly.  John nodded at that.  "I know you never got told directly so I'm going to say it's a good job, reward them, and let you learn all you want.  Sam's presently in Boston in the one there."

Xander leaned in.  "Is there any indication that ATA carriers come heavier around the outposts?  I was wondering about that.  Maybe some sort of energy warping that unlocks the possibility more often?"

"Not that we've seen but I'll have someone look at that, Xander.  Though, I'm guessing yours would be the other sort of warping?"

"Probably.  Doctor Keller said I showed a few different genetic anomalies she thought might be merpeople related but she wasn't sure."  He left them alone.  "And I don't want a medal!"

"Fine."  He smiled at John.  "That's something to consider."

"It is.  Is Carter upset?"

"No, she's got a new boyfriend.  She'd rather stay down there."  He sipped his coffee, waiting on Landry to come in.  "So, good news?" he asked.

"Very good news.  Good job, Sheppard.  Even though I said not to."

"Sir, I never got that order," he said honestly.

"Caldwell did."

"He did not share that with me, sir."

"Fine.  I can't blame them."  He sat down.  "When is Woolsey due back?"

"About a week."

"Wonderful."

"The IOA?"

"Is very content with the new outposts that we won't let them enter yet," Landry said with a smirk.  "Citing that there's the possibility of long dead germs or traps."

"In one case we were right," Jack admitted.   "Sam set it off and then swore for an hour at the AI."

"ATA carrier related?"

"Genetic to the maker only."

"Is she all right?"

"Fine," Jack assured him with a smile.   "Swearing but fine."  He kicked back.  "So, how are things otherwise?"

"No attacks this week.  Rodney made sure the shields will go over Nila.  Xander's had a happy week.  He, Lorne, and Radek Zalenka have a video game playing society going."

"He bought you guys one," Landry said dryly.  "It's on the next ship out."  John beamed at that.  "He thinks you guys will break his tv probably."

"He doesn't want us to steal it from him or have to listen to the people who had to carry it down the stairs from the bedroom he has above his office."

Jack snickered.  "I saw his tv.  Don't blame them."  He smirked at John.  "How's things otherwise?"

"Excellent.  The Genii like Xander.  We ran into a few who only asked about him recently.  I wasn't sure if they were looking to steal him or not but they were decent at the time.  No wraith cullings that we've heard recently.  Not since the last time they tried to attack us."

"Good.  How is the second chair going?"

"Actually, I think Rodney was all-but done on that.  McKay to my office," he called over the comm.  He came trotting in.  "Co-pilot chair for ours?"

"It needs to be hooked in, tested, and then it's done.  It has the same sensors, logs into the main chair's output, and is focused solely on the display and drones."

"Will it rob the primary chair of function?" Jack asked.

"Not that I've seen."

"Good.  I know it was needed the last time I was in one.  That cannon the kid found?"

"It now does have a power supply set up properly.  We tested it, it's working."

"Even better," John agreed.  "Anything else we found up there?"

"A few new drones that needed to be stored after minor finishing work.  They were carried down to the drone maintenance area and put in there."

"Anything big we should hear about?" Jack asked.

"Two things and I think Carter is going to run into it."  He pulled it up on his laptop, letting them see it. "That looks like the one in Boston."

"It does," Jack agreed.  "She said that's the maker of that lab.  Copy that for me."  Rodney did that and handed the papers over after they printed.  "Thank you.  Anything else you can think of?"

"I pity the ones going to Africa.  It was their botany area."  He left.

John shook his head.  "Glad I'm up here, sirs."

"Us too," Jack admitted.  "I can't see too many of our people who can handle the wraith threat."

"Xander wanted to biobomb them."

"I don't blame him," Landry admitted.  He took that paper to look over.  "Mitchell wanted to come up for a bit, see if they could help against the wraith."

"I don't mind Cam, sir.  He's a good soldier and a decent guy.  Plus he'll make people quit fussing so much."  He looked out in the command center.  "What?"

"Sir, Daedalus said it's nearly here," Chuck called.  "For some reason two Marines started to argue about it and made Major Lorne stop them by smacking them on the head.  Then one scientist burst out crying and ran from the room."

"Which one?" he sighed.  "And who said what to her?"

"No clue, sir."

"Where?"

"Bathrooms."  He pointed.  Jack waved him off so he went to find out.

John came back twenty minutes  later.  "Doctor Keller is going to ask that we arrange to get a new tertiary head of botany since she's pregnant."

"Granted," Landry agreed.  "I can send one up in the next trip."

"Please don't send up someone who'll set off McKay's allergies on purpose or who'll make him scream at them?" John asked quietly.  "I shipped one back for that last trip because they decided McKay was standing in their way."

"That's something that I say 'fuck 'em' about and let them go to court martial," Jack assured him.

"Thank you, general."

"Any personnel you think you could use?" Landry asked.  "Since we're on the subject."

"I could use someone who had farming experience.  A few places are having some tired ground problems.  It's creating lags in our trade situations and food shortages for them."

"I can make sure the botanist coming up does or give them an assistant."

"Thank you, sir."

"Not a problem.  That makes us good and humane people," Jack assured him.  "Anything else?"

"We need our armory reevaluated and restocked?  If I get SG-1 for a bit, I won't need a new team but otherwise I could use one sometime in the near future.  We've had a few very serious injuries that got people sent home.  Thankfully no deaths."

"I've seen those," Landry promised.  "We can do that, son."  John smiled.  "Anything else?"

"Don't send us any of Doctor Jackson's linguists?  Please?  I don't want to see if Xander picked up anything from McKay's mouth."

"Are they...." Jack asked, waving a hand.

"No.   He's still Mean Uncle Rodney to him.  The same as I'm a big brother.  I know Xander has a biting wit at times and I know he has a temper.  With what we've heard about the other linguists, I don't want to encourage him to use them together and make someone cry again."

"Again?" Landry asked.

"One of the chemists tried to pick on him."

"Serious?" Jack asked.  "Since you're avoiding it?"

"A bit of gay bashing, a bit of pagan religion bashing, mixed with an insult to his intelligence.  Xander basically cut him down and made him stomp off crying.  He started a bit slow but it took about three sentences and ended with a promise to burn him at a stake if he ever tried that again so they could roast marshmallows to his screams."

"Sounds like the kid," Jack said dryly.

"Jon tried to help but Xander made him very sorry.  I believe he's transferring back to somewhere people aren't sexual beings."

"Half the soldiers on base get more ass than I did when I was married," Jack told him.  "Mitchell is in that group."

"Xander does miss Vala, sir."

"Granted," Landry said.  "She's been pouting too."

John grinned.

Jon leaned in.  "Xander wanted me to run in, pounce you, and squeal 'daddy'," he said dryly.  "And he won't share his chocolates."

Jack laughed, shaking his head.  "There's more pudding on the ship."

"Sweet."

"No liver either."

"Woolsey liked liver," John said dryly.  "Xander threatened to turn him into a cow if he made him eat liver one more time this year."

"I threatened to have him teach McKay magic so he could do it," Jon told him.  "Lorne agreed with me."  He walked off.  "Thanks, Dad."

"Welcome," Jack called, smiling and shaking his head.  "Xander has been good to the mini me."

"He has lightened him up," Landry agreed.

"Yeah, he has."  He smiled at John.  "The kids giving you any fits?"

"Sirs, if you try to take Xander from Atlantis, we'll have a riot," he said, looking totally serious.  Both generals smiled at that.  "We love Xander, even when he's pouty at his dragon, even when his plants are mean to him because they're trying to breed.  The new city having a crush and all, we want Xander.  For that matter, we'll gladly keep Mitchell, Vala probably, and Jackson too if you'll let us."

"Hell no," Jack said.  "Vala maybe.  SG-1 stays on earth."

"Fine.  We could use another good team though."

"You can borrow, you can't confiscate," Jack told him.

"Sure.  We'll put them in the tower by Xander.  That way Vala and he can gush over things."

"With your luck, she'll bring up more smut," Landry told him.

"The IOA sent me an email," he said, pulling it up on his computer and printing it out to hand it over with a smile.

Landry glared at him.  "Not cute, Sheppard."

"They are our oversight committee, sir."

Landry handed it to O'Neill, who read and snickered, putting it into his pocket.  "I'll have Vala work on that."

"Have Woolsey work on that, sir.  He's a bit tense too probably."

"I know he's got a stick up his ass, Sheppard, but that's just evil of you to make him go find your marines porn," Jack said with a grin.  "You might get victorian stuff where no one gets any."

"Harris introduced Vala to anime smut," Landry told him.  "She's been taunting Mitchell about hermaphrodites with tentacles."

Jack burst out cackling, shaking his head.  "What did Teal'c do?"

"Asked her to please introduce him if she ever met one because he was curious how they came to be."

"Yeah, me too," John sighed, shaking his head.  "Poor Radek's going to be blushing for days then."

"So that's who?" Jack asked casually.

"As far as I know, they've formed a good friendship that does involve all night marathons of video games and junk food.  Xander is the queen of somehow getting cheetos," he finished dryly.  "He's even hooked some vegetarian scientists on them."

"They're cheese and puffed wheat.  Unless they're the sort that don't eat cheese?" Jack asked.  John nodded.  Jack snickered.  "Good job."

"McKay has trained Armand to steal hostess products for him so he doesn't have to leave the lab.  He's even gotten the tentacle plant to love him.  She won't try to eat him anymore."

Jack shook his head.  "Then Atlantis is very good for him.  We brought him up some more work in case he's bored."

"The same linguists down there that don't want to work?" John guessed.

"Yup," Landry agreed.  "We're now missing a few more.  Can he do Sanskrit?"  John nodded.  "Good!  We need some of it done."

"If you brought it, I can get him back here."

"Please," Landry said, pulling out a CD carrier.

"Harris to my office for more work being piled on you," he called.  Xander came jogging in and nearly panted at them, beaming.

"Sanskrit?" Landry asked.

"Okay!"  He took it and jogged off.

John looked after him.  "No more pixie sticks!" he yelled.  "At all!  All day, Xander!"

"Yes, Big Brother John!" came back from up the hallway.

"Sparring!" he called.  He looked at them and smiled.  "I'll wear that out of him yet."  He tapped his comm earpiece.  "McKay, get your little elf helper to go steal Xander's pixie stick collection for the day please.   He's smiling while jogging."  He hung up.  Jack was snickering quietly.  Landry was smiling but shaking his head.  Yeah, Atlantis did that to some people.  "You know, he got people to put up a wish list for gear," he offered.  "It's in the cafeteria."

"Saw that, little chance of the surfboard or the wave runner unless someone buys it and talks Caldwell into carting it up here," Jack said with a smirk.

"I'll let them know that by amending the heading."  He walked off.  "Let me go wear him out sparring."

"I'd like to see that," Jack decided and both generals followed.  "Mini me, sparring," he called.

"Twenty minutes.  Kinda gotta hike."

Ronon strolled in next with Xander under his arm.  "He was bouncing."

"Pixie sticks," John told him.  "I had McKay steal them."

"Good!"  He shuddered.  "They don't even taste that good."  He let Xander go.  "Stretch."

"Yes, Ronon.  I'll kick your ass again today."  He beamed and took off his shirt and then his shoes, stretching against a wall.  He saw a flicker and smiled.  "Hi, Nila.  We're going to be sparring for a bit.  Want to watch?"

"If I may," she offered.  She seemed to look over his shoulder.  "Like fight practice?"  He nodded.  "That's very interesting."  The others warmed up until Jon came in and stripped off his shirt so he could warm up too.  She saw John taking out sticks to toss them at Ronon and himself a pair.  Jon got another and Xander got a staff.  It was his weaker weapon and he'd have to work harder.  Since he had so much sugar, it'd do him good.

Xander pouted but John only smirked.  "Fine."  He spun it around.  "Get me the other one?  This one's weighted like a broom handle."  That one was taken by the gym guard and the other one tossed over.  Xander nodded and stretched using it then attacked.  John managed to get him off and Ronon deflected another hit.  Jon piled on and it was on.

Jack watched, hands clenched.  "Jon looks good," he said quietly to Landry.

"He does.   It's clear he's been working out too.  I doubt you ever had muscles like that."

"Oh, jeez," Jon complained, glaring at them.  "Eww."  He ducked a blow at his head and got Xander on the leg since he was behind and beside him.  Xander kicked back and got him then got the other two.  They all came back to do it again.

Rodney sighed from the doorway.  "Must you really do this every few days when I need him to do other things?" he complained.

"Yes," Ronon called.  "We must."

"Fine, give me O'Neill and I won't shoot you three.  Thereby proving I'm the better man."

Jon ducked a blow, laughing his ass off.  "Sure, McKay.  You'll win that round."  He grabbed his shirt and shoes, following him off to sit in the chair on Nila for him to do a program update.

The other three kept going, hoping to wear out Xander's sugar rush.  Ronon finally landed on his butt after having his feet swept out from under him again.  "This isn't sugar, is it?" he asked, staring at the boy.

"No, this is celibacy," he said with a cheesy grin.  "Because my wrists are sore!"  John walked off shaking his head, taking the towel someone threw at him to wipe off the sweat.  Xander bounced over to get his own, taking the weapons to wipe down and put up while Ronon made himself get up groaning.  "Too much energy makes Xander's magic go strange too."

"Don't remind me," Landry called.  "Can't you fix that?  I mean, that closet full of stuff?"

"Sore.  Wrists.  I've been trying, General."  He walked off putting on his t-shirt again and carrying his shoes.  He went back to Nila and listened to her praise the sparring to Jon.

Jon came out of the chair room, staring at him.  "Do you need me to switch teams, bend you over something?" he asked quietly.

Xander looked at him.  "As charming as that offer is, Jon, you're not really my type all that much and I need someone who wants more than to cure the bounciness.  I need someone who wants *me*."

"I know but playing might help, right?"

"Maybe but I'm tired of playing."

He leaned down to get closer to Xander's ear.  "Then maybe you should flirt more with your video game team."  He walked off.

"They won't," he pouted.  He picked a nice corner to work on the new translations from.  It was comfortable, in the sun but not directly, and had a nice breeze thanks to the open nature of the city.

Evan looked up from helping Radek.  "There's more than a few guys around," he said quietly.  "Even if just playing would help."

"It's not the same.  They don't cuddle and stuff."

"I have," Radek pointed out.

"You give great cuddle, Radek, but sometimes...you gotta have more than the cuddle.  You know?"

Radek blushed and nodded.  "Definitely.  I know that very well."  Xander looked at him.  He subtly shrugged but grinned back.  "There are those of us who do know.  More than a few on base.  Most of whom are not scared of your temper with a sword."

"I like axes better," he admitted, grinning some.  "So, would you maybe like to come ...play a game later?"

"I could enjoy that," he agreed.  He smiled and got back to work.  "Nlia, what is that file you just sent me?" he asked.

She appeared, smiling at him.  "My creator's wife had many moments on me before I banned women."

He got into it and paused.  "Really?"  He looked up.  "Was that before the ascension idea?"

"Yes, a few years before.  She was one of the last to embrace it."

Xander looked.  "That's not her husband, is it?"

"No, it is not.  Her ways made my creator sad."

"I understand why you don't want female scientists on you now," Radek said patting the stair he was on.  She beamed and faded out.  He looked at Xander.  "You are still sweaty."

"In a manly way or in a gross way?"

Radek looked.  "Shower before dinner."

"I can do that."  He went back to his translating.  "You know, there was a time when I was blipped that I forgot English.  I had to relearn it.  Doc was not happy that I had been that assimilated at one point.  I did slowly get back to it, just had to be reminded basically, but I was speaking four different languages mixed when he found me the first time."

Radek stared at him.  "That is much too long to be on your own," he said.

"I know.  He was good about reminding me to use English.  Though he did speak a few of those languages himself so he caught a lot of words, especially when I banged into something and got a bruise.  He laughed whenever I started to swear and especially when I called him the child of a mountain goat and a codfish."

Radek grinned.  "It sounds like you had good times with him."

"Often.  But he needs someone who gets the more philosophical stuff.  Jack does that and they fit together better."  He shrugged, getting back to work.  "Nila," he called.  She appeared, wavering some.  "Do you have any records on The Doctor?  I know he visited

Atlantis once but I couldn't find those records."

"They are in personal records," she admitted, unlocking those and sending a command at Atlantis to release those records to him as well.

He beamed.  "Thank you."

"You are welcome, Xander."  She faded out again.  She was listening to the generals talking about if they were going to keep her with Atlantis and let Xander be in charge of her.  When they started to go in another direction she locked them in the room and shut off the lights on them.  One of them complained so she dropped the temperature as well.  She would not have that.

Xander got the call to come to the office and sighed, getting up to head that way.  He walked into the gate area and paused, rushing up the stairs.  "Nila!" he complained.  "You can't hurt them!"

"They were going to bring me back to earth without Atlantis.  She is my child."

"I know that but they wanted to see you around an outpost, see if you could integrate and if it could help you any more than being here did."

"That is not what was said."

"They're generals, they give orders.  Now let them go!"

"They were going to take you away from me."

Xander sighed, looking at her projection.  "Even if they put someone else in charge of you, I'd still be there.  I'm the best translator they have."  She let them go and let the systems she had confiscated go as well.  "I'm not leaving right now.  Okay?"  She bowed and left.  He looked at the generals.  "She's been alone a long time.  You tend to latch onto people after something like that, make sure that they don't leave you too," he said quietly.

"I saw that in your history, kid.  We were going to put Ellis in charge of her."

"I'd have to keep count of how many times she'd throw him in the water," Xander said dryly.  "Ellis won't even think about her being sentient."

"True," Jack agreed, blowing into his hands.  Chuck got them some space blankets to wrap themselves in.  "I'd say she was just as possessive as some of your other women and nearly as dangerous."

"You tried to take her first friend in centuries away," Xander pointed out.  "That's something that would make anyone fight, Jack."  He walked off.  He went back out there because it kept her calm.

John came jogging up the stairs.  "Are you both all right?"

"We're fine.  We were thinking about who to put in charge of Nila in case we move her back to earth.  She didn't like those ideas," Landry said.

"Xander's going to be clung to until she forms other bonds," John agreed.  "Chuck, go start my coffee maker."  He did that and brought them cups a few minutes later.  "Please don't say Ellis.  He won't even respect her as an entity."

"That's what the kid said," Jack admitted, sipping his coffee.  "She's a lot like his ex's."

"She is very protective of him," he agreed.  "Do you two need the infirmary?"

"No, we'll be fine," Landry promised.  He looked at Jack.  "SG-1?"

"I think that'd be a good solution.  She likes Daniel already."  He finished his coffee, walking out to the new city.  "Nila, may we come talk?"  She nodded so they walked onboard her.  "We had wanted to bring you to earth for a bit to see if you could interface with the outposts and if it would give us more ideas about things."

"I understand that, it is logical," she agreed.

"We know that you like Xander, and we like Xander.  He's happy to have you here with him."  She nodded at that, hands clasped in front of her.  "But, if he's up here, we need him up here decoding and translating things.  So, if and when you come to earth, because we do have future plans of moving Atlantis as well, would Daniel Jackson's team do for you?  I know none are ATA carriers, we'd give them one for the trip."

"I did like Daniel Jackson.  He seemed a lot like Xander," she admitted.

"We'd let you be introduced to them, get used to them," Landry promised.  "His team leader's name is Cam Mitchell.  He's a pilot and a lot like John Sheppard is."  She smiled at that.  "So can we introduce you?  Because if we do move Atlantis and you back to earth we might need to put weapons on you.  This would give Cam the better weapons platform."

"I would like to meet him."

John hopped down, smiling at her.  "They'll be up later tonight.  They called, General.  The IOA is sending them."

"They heard?"

"No, they want Carter out of the Boston lab and forced orders."  He handed over the note that had been sent.  "Carter's threatened to lock them out of the Boston lab and she has definitely locked the weapons capability so no one but her can authorize them.  She gave them a short list by the note but she didn't say who."

"That works well with our plans," Landry decided.  "Would that work for you, Nila?  I know Xander is like your bear."

"What sort of bear?  I do not understand that comment," she said.  "Most bears are dangerous and Xander is only dangerous when threatened."

John pulled up the information on his hand-held, letting her scan it.  "A teddy bear.  A comforting thing to hold onto.  We know you've been alone for a long time, Nila, and Xander's had that in his own past.  We agree that you can have as much time with Xander as you want while you're up here, but sometimes we will need him for missions.  Even the Genii like him."

She considered it.  "I do consider him comforting and of my family," she decided.  They all smiled.  "I will meet with these new people.  Daniel Jackson did ask many questions that were good."

Xander walked over, smiling at her.  "You're doing wonderful rebuilding your family, Nila."  She beamed at him.  "You'll love them.  I adopted Cam as family with their team."

"Then I would like to meet them."  She bowed and disappeared.

Xander beamed.  "Cam's being given to Nila as commander?"

"He is," Landry agreed.  "We do want to fix the systems here and make her able to protect herself in a fight if it comes to it."

"Rodney's already working on that," Xander promised.  "She has some odd places where the structures don't mesh well.  We had to pause on the way here so Rodney could put some pieces back together because they were shaking apart.  Caldwell started to pray."

"I can understand that," Jack agreed.  "Do you think she'll like Vala?"

"I think Vala will tickle her for years asking questions."

"Good.  I want plans soon to retrofit them.  The Boston lab is now shut down by order of the IOA."

"They're fucking puss suckers," Xander said dryly.

"Literal or figurative, Xander?" Nila asked.

"Figurative.  They're human, not demon related.  Some of the ones that made the Slayer  Born are on that council though."

She reappeared.  "Those sorts are not welcome on my decks," she told the generals.

Xander grinned.  "I fought with a slayer.  Helped her a lot."

"I noticed the inter-realm opening radiation you hold, Xander."

"Faith to Nila," he called.  She came out, looking down at her.  "C'mon."  She came down.  "Nila, have you met Faith yet?"

She scanned her and beamed.  "A slayer born!"

"You know about us?" she asked, giving her an odd look.

"I was on earth still when your kind were created.  The ones who did so... Xander's word for them is more useful than others I have seen.  Bastards."

"Yeah, they were," she agreed, grinning at her.  "Buffy would love talking to you."

"We did have to summon the First Slayer to help us take down the Initiative," Xander told her.  "Sineya was not happy."

"I can agree with that," Faith said.  "Can we talk about this, Nila?"

"Yes, we can talk.  I like you.  Like Xander I will adopt you as family.  You, him, Radek, Evan, and the one tiny scientist that is quiet.  I like her even though she is female."

"What about Rodney McKay?" Landry asked.

"My child has adopted him and needs him.  I will let him heal me and then my family will have me."  She faded out.

"That's really cool," Faith said, beaming at Xander.  He beamed back and showed her around.

"Not a huge problem after all," Jack said with a smirk at Hank.

Landry smiled back.  "No, not really.  Let me go call them up sooner."  They went back to the control room to send Walter that message.  Unfortunately when they came, they came with an IOA member who wanted to know what was going on up here.  He warned Harris, who could tell the others.  Nila camouflaged herself.  "Welcome, SG-1.  Harris is going to be here in a minute."

"That's fine, sir," Cam said, nodding at him.  "He insisted."

Xander strolled in shirtless and without shoes.  "It's a good thing I was warming up to spar."  He hugged them and stared at the IOA guy.  "So, are you going to follow Traver's orders and try to kill me?"

"No, Harris, I won't.  What are you doing here?"

"I'm a linguist.  What do you think I'm doing up here?"

"We were not told that."

"Huh, that's odd since I made another of you have screaming nightmares for trying me," he said dryly.  "And do remind Travers that just like that feather pillow, I can send other things into his lap."  He smiled sweetly.

"Yes, he decided you were too dangerous to cross when the note pointing out you had explosives experience to add to that teleporting trick was read."

"Good!"  He looked at them.  "You guys are getting rooms in my tower."  He hugged Vala again.  "Let's get you guys settled in so we can talk?"

"We wanted to know how the new outposts were found."

"Rodney McKay found a subroutine command that got sent through with another message."

He blinked.  "You don't have to call him by his title?"

"No, usually I call him a friend," he said dryly.  "I work very well with both Doctors McKay and Zelenka."

"Oh.  Well, I suppose they have tempers and you're used to Summers' temper," he said weakly.

Rodney glared from his spot in the command center.  "No, I appreciate him for his skills, including his combat skills and his language skills.  Do not push me today."  He backed down at that.  He also sent a message to Faith to stay hidden for a bit.  He hated Watchers.  Ever since he had seen Xander's memories of them, he loathed the whole organization.

"So, how is Buffy?  She hasn't answered my last email yet," Xander asked.

"She's fine as far as we know.  Things have slowed back down again.   I was also sent to search the database for any mentions of slayers."

"I haven't decoded anything on them yet," he lied.  "If I do, I'll send it on."

He stared at him.  "We don't like you, Harris.  Why would we trust you?"

Xander threw a dagger at him, pinning him to the gate.  "Because I don't like you either," he said bluntly.  "And yeah, I'm able to out your whole group.  Secret society and all."  He smirked meanly.  "Anything I find like that I'd send to Rupert Giles.  Ask him."

"I see."  He let someone get him free.  "I can have you removed."

"I can set off the self destruct," Xander said dryly.  He smiled again.  "So....."

"Oh.  The city...."  Xander shut down the lights in their area.  "You're an ATA carrier," he sighed.  Xander turned the lights back on.  "I see, and the city has adopted you?"

"The city likes all ATA carriers," Jon said as he walked in.  "Hey, guys.  Let's get you to your rooms."  He gave Cam a pointed look.

"Sure.  Xander, please, no destroying him.  They'd make you clean up the floor."

"Fine.  Not like I have a sword or an axe on me."  The council member gave him a horrified look.

"Yes, that battle was him," Jon told him.  The guy backed up.  "As for slayers listed in the database, there's a small bit but he'd clear it with Landry and send it to one he trusted and liked."

"Especially since we had to summon and then deal with the essence of the First Slayer.  Sineya was not a happy camper."  The guy whined.  Xander just stared at him.  "It's how Buffy beat ADAM."

"We were not told of that."

"Then ask Giles."

"I shall when I get back."  He nodded.  "Are you satisfied being up here?"

"Yeah.  They gave me the choice of here or UNIT."  He shrugged.  "I like it up here.  The ocean, the sunlight, the interesting peoples."

"Very well.  I will leave you alone.  I would like to have those notes as well."

"Talk to Landry.  I send anything to him first."

"That's is the way it's supposed to be," he decided.  He saw someone and gasped.  "Lehane?"

Xander looked at her.  "Weren't you supposed to be out of sight?"

"Nila beamed me over.  She said you needed backup, boytoy."

Xander shrugged.  "We came to an understanding."

"Well, you are known as one of the badasses of three galaxies," she said dryly, coming over to stand beside him.  "Yeah, I'm up here now.  O'Neill had me sprung.  Turns out I'm a kick ass pilot, can sense wraith, and I'm needed up here."

"What about your calling?" he demanded.

"B's got that for now and right now they need me up here to make sure the wraith don't get near earth.  Isn't that more important?"

"I suppose.  I'll have to report this."  Xander pulled another dagger.  "She'll be needed once Summers falls."

"Ya know, there's others who do the job," Xander pointed out.  "And yeah, there's another slayer called.  Because you gated," Xander said.  She looked stunned.  He beamed.   "I don't think that they got it right that you wormholing wouldn't call another."

"Oh," the watcher said.  "But none of our girls...."

"None of your girls last," Xander pointed out.  "It probably went to a potential that got dead within a few hours because her watcher was sending her out like she had already been called."  He went pale.  "And then it went to one that you didn't find."

"Vision?" Faith guessed.

"Yup.  Her name's Sarana.  She's a lot like Caridad.  From the same area.  I'm sorry about Caridad though."  He looked at the watcher again.  "So, yeah, and I've already sent Buffy that email because I had it weeks ago.  Joyce is going to offer her a spot and all that."  He looked at Faith.  "She did apologize," he said quietly.

"I heard.  I don't blame her.  We were all sorts of screwed up back then, every one of us."  He gave her a hug.  She pushed him off but was giving him a fond look.  "Goofball."

The watcher moaned.  "Fine, I will let that be known."

Xander looked at him.  "Probably too late."

"I realize that now.  I'll talk with Rupert in the next week to see if you've sent him anything."  He looked at the generals.  "May I go?"

"Sure," Xander said, looking at them.  He smirked and cast a compulsion before he left.  Then he grinned at the generals.  "He won't be able to tell about Faith.  Or me, or anything he finds from this project."  He looked at her.  "Have you met Mitchell and them yet?"

"Slightly."

"Cool."  He led her off to go reintroduce her to them and talk to them.  Then he took them out to meet Nila.

Jack looked at Landry.  "Well."

"He's a lot like that.  I've seen him send one into a panic attack."

"Good!  I don't like the watchers."  He walked off.

"We could out them," McKay offered.

"Yeah, maybe," Jack agreed.  "If it wouldn't endanger girls like Buffy, Faith, and the new one."

"Then we'll have to check with her," Rodney decided.  He went out to Nila.

Xander walked them down there.  "Nila, you remember Daniel, right?"

She appeared.  "I do.  Welcome back, Daniel.  Is that your proper method of naming?"

"Daniel is my first name and you can use it," he promised with a smile.  "This is Cam Mitchell and Vala Mal Doran.  Teal'c didn't want to come up this time.  He's a Jaffa that helped us bring down the Gou'ald empire.  He led the Jaffa rebellion."

She wavered, looking them over.  "None of them are children."

"If we have to, we'll send Evan with them," Xander told her.

"That would take him away from you, Xander," she protested.

He shrugged.  "We're buddies and it's fine, Nila.  I know you'll protect my friends."

"Yes I will."  She let them on.

Vala looked around.  "This is amazing."

"Thank you, Vala."  Vala smiled at her.  "You smile like Xander, I like you."

"I like you as well.  It's nice to have a female I can talk to.  Sam Carter doesn't do girlish things."

"I do not like female scientists.  They are not good to me."

Vala patted a nearby wall.  "I've never been scientific a day in my life."  Nila beamed at that and disappeared.  She let the two kids take them on the tour and it was fascinating.  Atlantis was wondrous but this was simply charming and it was simpler, so it didn't make her think bad thoughts about the ancients or heavy thoughts about her own people's pasts.  It was simple but elegant.  "What about where Rodney was saying they needed new structural support?"

"I'm not sure how we'd do that," Xander admitted.  "Can we gate them or beam them to a ship and bring up?"

"I haven't worked out the logistics yet," Rodney admitted from his spot.  "We do need a lot of welding done though."  He looked up.  "I hear congratulation are in order, Mitchell."

Cam looked at them, then at Xander.  "What?"

"She needs someone in charge of her," he said with a smile.  "A military head, a chief science officer, someone who can help get the right information out of her, and someone to talk to."

"Really?" he asked.

"Pretty sure," Xander admitted.

"Huh."

"She'll be back on earth eventually and they want her to interact with many of the outposts and labs."

"Some of them are not built to interact with me or Atlantis," Nila told them.  She reappeared.  "The child Jack assured me that I could meet and learn to like whoever was put in charge of me in the human sense.  I do like you and your team.  They are... I think the word is nice and decent?"

"Those are good words but we're also experienced in combat," Daniel told her.

"We'll be making sure she can protect herself," Rodney assured him.  "Even if she doesn't end up in space fighting.  We're talking about those options later," he told the image.

She beamed and changed to the one that liked Rodney better.  "I think it is thrilling but scary.  I know the city can."

"Some day you'll be able to defend yourself," he promised.  She smiled at him and faded out.

"What about the Ori?" Vala asked.

Xander shrugged.  "We'll keep doing that as needed, Vala.   Like some of us fight against those ultra Christian sects on earth."

"I saw some of their shows," she admitted.  "It reminded me much of the Ori."

"Yeah, it can," he admitted.  He shrugged.  "It's cool and it'll be a while before you guys will have her back on earth.  Or Atlantis."

"So this is what's after SG-1?" Cam decided.

"No, this is SG-1," Jack said as he walked up to them.  "We can hope we won't have enemies forever."

"I do too," Cam agreed.

"We've all said that within ten years we'd have to retire from fighting due to injuries," Daniel reminded him.

"Good point.  So this is the final job of SG-1?"

"Yes," Jack said with a smile.  "Eventually.  It'll take at least a year to retrofit her."

"Huh.  Then we'll be science heavy."

"If you're on earth and not cloaked, you'll have people trying to pilgrimage or destroy the city for what it represents," Xander told him.  "Plus, setting it up now means that the UN can't butt in and neither can the IOA.  Nila's too sentient to give to someone that'll see her like a big machine.  That's why we turned down Ellis."

"I get that," Cam agreed.  "She's clearly very sensitive."  He shrugged.  "I can see watching over the city.  Then whenever you need us you can call us back."

"Exactly," Jack agreed.  "It'll let Sam do a lot of investigating that the IOA can't really take over."

"Being given them did rankle," Rodney agreed from his spot.

"That's a word I haven't heard used in a while," Xander teased.

Rodney looked at him.  "Don't make me spank you, Xander.  Why are you still shirtless?"

"I was going to spar."

"Then take Mitchell and go spar."  Xander nodded, dragging him off so they could do that.  Ronon and Teyla were giving lessons again.  Vala trailed along because she wanted to watch.  Shirtless, sweaty, panting men?  Yeah, that was up her alleyway of dirty thoughts.

Jack shook his head at Daniel.  "You think?"

"I'm pretty sure but I'm not sure if she'll accept Sam, Jack."

"I think it'll be fine."  Radek came in.  "The wife of her main creator was cheating on him.  Carter is not like that."

"No, she's not," Jack agreed.  "Sam can't keep a date without them getting killed."

"We'll introduce them and see if they can get along," Rodney promised.  "If Nila doesn't like her, there's an ejection system."  Radek smirked at him.  "I'll ask her to send you too, Radek."

"She likes me.  I ask good questions and do more than poke at her."

"I talk to her all the time."  He got back to work, shaking his head.  Nila shifted the plates under both of them and they had their laptops stolen by a beam before they got thrown off.

Daniel smiled.  "Thank you, Nila.  They both needed the swim I'm sure."

"They both need to do things that would make them happier than work.  Neither one has even eaten today," she said primly.  "Then they should go do other happy making things.  Maybe even with Xander since he is bouncy again."

Jack blushed, walking off shaking his head.  "I'll suggest that to the kid when he's done sparring."

"If you wish, I can," she offered.

"Sure, go ahead," Daniel said with a smile.  He went to help those two back onto the pier.  "She said you two haven't eaten lunch yet, and you need to do things to make you happier for a bit, including making Xander unbouncy."

Rodney's mouth flopped open.  "I'm not...." he started in a screech.

Radek patted him on the back.  "Has been a while for you.  Yes?"  He walked off smugly.  He knew how good Xander was at rubbing out cramps and helping him have happy, calm thoughts.  He found Evan cackling and looked at him.  "What has happened?"

"Nila interrupted the sparring match to tell Xander that you and McKay were bouncy like he had been so he should cure it to make you both do something other than work.  Faith cackled her ass off against Vala's shoulder while Xander shrugged and said if you guys wanted to, all you had to do was ask him and he'd consider it."

"Hmm, was nice," he admitted quietly.  He went in there.  "Xander, she threw us and my back is sore."

"I'll work on the backrub after this, Radek."

"Thank you."  Cam stared at him.  "He does give excellent massages."

"Daniel said that," he admitted.  He ducked a flying thing, looking at Armand.  "Hi, Armand, are you helping the sparring?"  The dragon meeped happily.  "Let us finish then you can cuddle."  Xander quit giggling and they got back to it.  Radek saved Armand, sitting by the women to pet him.  Faith scratched his head when it popped over his shoulder.  Vala cooed at him and petted him too, earning a purr from the dragon.

Vala sighed.  "That is a sight to behold."

Faith nodded.  "Definitely one I like seeing."  The guys all shot smirks at them.  "Sweaty is a good look on you guys.  Whole lots of muscles too."

"Yes there are," Vala agreed.  "Why didn't I hit on Xander when he was on base?" she sighed.

"Don't know but boytoy needs more friends than ex's or even casual things."  She shrugged.  "He was damn good, even that first time."  She petted the dragon again.  Vala reached for him but ended up petting Radek instead.  He gave her a pointed look.  "Doc, you're just as fierce as the dragon is and just as needy of petting," Faith told him.  He blushed but let the dragon go play with the girls.  He noticed all the others who had come in to watch.  Including the doctor.  Yes, the women on base had a fine appreciation of that sight.  Jon walked in and sighed, taking off his shirt to join in.  "Wow, mini him there has muscles too," Faith said.

"I wonder if his original one does," Vala said.  "He's much too young for me.  I'd break him."

Faith grinned.  "I doubt that.  He looks sturdy."

"Should see us all in shorts," Xander quipped, cracking the ladies up.  Even Armand snuffled at that.  He tossed Jon his weapon and got his usual sticks.  They groaned but John Sheppard got called in to help even it out.  Xander grinned at Ronon.  "They're watching your butt."

"Not mine.  Yours and Jon's perhaps.  You're both young and feisty."  He ducked a blow by Cam and then one of John's but got John back and Jon got Cam.

"Guys, not leaving me any," Xander complained.  So they attacked him.  Yeah, this was a good match.  The horny women were just a plus in his book.  They got him pinned this time using teamwork and he grinned.  "Awww..."  Jon covered his mouth before he could make a smart quip about them being on top of him.  John and Ronon laughed but Cam helped him up.  "Good job, guys."

The women hooted and clapped.  Someone took a picture and Faith looked back at her.  "What are you doing?"

"Making a Men of Atlantis calendar; this is December's because it's a present," she said with a smirk before running away.

John sighed, shaking his head.  "We'll stop that one somehow."  He looked the others over.  "Injuries?"  They all shrugged.  "Doctor Keller?  Before I get chewed a new one?"

She came over.  "O'Neill, that only needs a bandaid.  You too, Sheppard.  Report to have them cleaned up."  They stomped off.  "Mitchell," she said, looking him over.  "I want to scan that bruise on your calf in case it might clot and cause a problem."  He grumbled but he knew an order.  She looked over Ronon and Xander.  "Why is it you two take so much damage in sparring?"

"Because we can ignore it?" Xander guessed, looking at Ronon.

"True," he agreed.  "I can ignore minor cuts if I have to during a fight.  It's how I was trained."

"Uh-huh.  Report for stitches."  They trudged off together after cleaning and putting up the weapons.  "Teyla, can you please find them something they can't really kill each other with?" she asked as she followed them.  She grabbed them both by the ear when they tried to divert to another area.  "You can shower after we clean you up.  We can even put on the pretty waterproof bandages for you."  They groaned but had to follow where their ears led.  It was really painful otherwise.

Vala looked at Faith, grinning.  "I want one of those calendars."

"Me too," she admitted.  She let Armand wiggle his way down so he could follow the daddy.

"Radek, who was she?" Vala asked, smiling sweetly at him.  "I've got orange candy you can have if you help us get one."

"Do not open those when McKay is even in the room.  He is highly allergic," he instructed.  "Even the hint of it on your fingers could send him to death."

Vala pouted.  "I can understand that.  All citrus?"  He nodded.  "Then I'll keep that in my room and make sure I wash everything very well.  I have those cookie sticks with the chocolate in the center that sound french."

He smiled.  "Xander has his own stash, ladies."

"So who was she then?" Faith asked.

"Doctor Greenburg in psychology.  She's the most junior member of that area."  They smiled at him.  "Make sure I am not one.  I am pretty, but not that pretty and I would hate to know that they snuck naughty pictures of me."  He got up and went back to work.

Faith and Vala giggled, going to find that woman and get a calendar off her.  She wanted the orange chocolates and promised to keep them away from McKay and everyone else.  She gave them computer copies for their laptops and printed copies as well.  They went to hang them up in their rooms.  It was only stapled but that was fine with them.  It started in the current month and went for two years.  Lots of cute guys in tight t-shirts, camo's, and shorts.  Or while sparring, showering, and lounging in the sun.   Even one from the soccer game and Evan from the video game day.

***

Jon looked at Sheppard.  "You know she's been selling copies."

"She claims it's helping morale," he said dryly.  "I've already ordered her to eat her spoils and to not distribute any more of them."

"Am I more worried that she got a picture of Ronon showering outside?" Jon asked.

"Really?"

"I caught a look at Vala's.   She was showing Danny."  He smirked evilly.  "A few other shower pictures too."

"Hmm."  He went to find Faith.  "I want to see your copy."

"Why?" she complained.

"She didn't get consent and there's shower pictures?"

"Two or three," she hedged.  "C'mon, Colonel.  Not like you guys mind being drooled over."

He smirked, shaking his head.  "Only at my consent, Faith.  Let me see it."  She sighed and gave him her laptop.  He moved through it, sighing in displeasure.  "I don't know how she got into the showers."

Rodney rolled over to look then grimaced.  "Digital camera it looks like from the picture quality.  It's not a capture from a live stream."  He stared at it.  "Am I in there?"

"Who'd want to stare at you?" one of the other scientists asked dryly.  "You're noisy and you wear baggy things."

"Twice," John said, letting him see those.  Rodney spluttered at one.  He was clearly overseeing something from above it, had his arms crossed over his chest, his most superior smirk on, and a t-shirt and pants.

"I do not remember anyone taking my picture that day," he complained.

"They've been trading since that outdoor shower picture of Ronon was taken during a mission and she's never been off-world," John told him.

"We really should stop that underground before it gets out of hand."

Faith grinned.  "Jealous you only got two pictures?"

"Insulted that they didn't ask," he shot back.  "The same as you would be, young lady."

She shrugged.  "I let people admire all they want.  It's touching they don't get to do."

"I'd rather have people focused on things instead of drooling over their pictures during meetings," John told her.  He smiled and handed it back.  "Consider it a very limited edition.  You might also warn Xander that he's in there three times."

"Only three?" the other scientist said, grimacing.  "Pity."

"One of him swimming, one of him on the pier that almost looked posed, and then one group one of the sparring session the other day," Faith told her.

"Hmm, sweaty and wet.  Pretty?"  Faith let her see and she nodded.  "Very pretty.  I see one of Carson when he was in after-hours clothes.  McKay for *some* unknown reason."

"All that PT does do a body good," Faith assured her with a smirk.  "He's got abs now."

She shook her head.  "Not my thing.  Younger and cuter, not noisy and arrogant."

"I can throw you in the ocean," Rodney offered.

"You do and you'll have to finish this yourself."

He looked then at her.  "I'd have to anyway since your mind is clearly deficient due to the smut running through it today.  You're wiring backwards."  She huffed off.  He rolled his eyes.  "Dumb.  Simply stupid."  He took the laptop to look at the other pictures.  A few of Jon.  A few of Cam that had to be new or from Vala.  An older one of Daniel in a head scarf and a sleeveless t-shirt that was very tight.  One of O'Neill in dress blues.  He looked at John.  "Do you look like that in yours?"

"Only younger and less distinguished, yeah."

Faith sighed.  "Maybe we should add other pictures then."

"Fat.  Chance," John said dryly.  "No more underground of pictures."

"Fine.  Spoil a girl's solo fun."

He patted her on the back of the head.  "I'm picky about how I let drool on me, Faith, the same as you should be."

She looked at him.  "No one here drools on me."

Rodney snorted. "Then you haven't seen the female version of this mental smut, have you," he said with a smirk at her.  She stared at him.

"There is?" John asked.

"Yes, put out by the same smutty mind I'm afraid."  He found Radek's laptop and got into that file.  "He filed a formal complaint about her doing that to you and others."

Faith took it to look over the images.  Hell, she had one closeup from when she was on a pier, letting the wind blow her hair around, that made her look stunning.  Even if it was in black and white.  "When did they take this?"

John shrugged.  "How often do you watch sunrise on the pier?"

"Good point."  She kept going and found another one of her sparring and one of her in her leather pants and Atlantis leather jacket before a mission.  A few of others.  "Teyla's going to be pissed."

"She knew and was upset, but told her to stop it," Rodney admitted.

She kept going, finding one of a semi-naked Xander, which made her squeak.  "Yeah, I don't think he's on the female's calendar."  She handed it back.

John looked.  "He's very well built."

Rodney nodded.  "Quite, and I have no problem with him and Radek or him and Lorne.  They're making Xander more content and I can only consider that a good thing."

"Me too," John assured him.  "Faith?"

"Hey, if he wants to be a boy lovin' guy, so be it."

"Actually he's bi and he's not flirting as much as he used to," John admitted with a grin.

"Yeah, that's freakiness I don't want to hear about," she admitted.  She left them alone while going to talk to the person who had done the calendars.  She didn't mind owning one but tell her if she was in one!  And share the profits!

***

Nila led Xander to a room he was familiar with.  "What's wrong in here, Nila?"

"There is not enough strength to her signal, Xander.  It is wrong that my child cannot talk back when you talk to her most of the time."

Xander nodded, letting Nila show him what she wanted done.  Rodney came running in.  "What the hell are you doing!" he shouted.

"Freeing my child so she can answer you," Nila told him.

He glared.  "We are short on power, Nila."

"We have enough if we divert from the lamps in botany that they don't need to use," Xander offered.  "Because they have sunlight.  They don't need sunlamps for most things."  Rodney stared at him.  "They don't!" he defended.  "They have a whole lot of sunlight and mirrors to tip more into it."

"They do?"

Xander nodded, pulling that up to free those by turning off the stupid lamps and putting the energy toward the mirror controls and toward Atlantis's projection system.  "A few projectors are reading down too."  He kept going, finding a few other wastes of power.  Like six empty rooms somehow had a power drain for some reason.  "Are we using them to recharge something?"

Rodney looked.  "They're not supposed to be.  I'll yell at them later."  He reconfigured what Xander was freeing up and a few other things that had bothered him.  "Why are we using a freezer setting on one room on the west pier?"

"Botany has a few ice plants."

He groaned.  "Are they huge?"

"No but they wanted the room anyway."

"I'll be screaming about that as well," he decided and got them a different room started.  Then he called Radek to take a few people and fix projection nubs.  Including Xander.  Xander pouted.  "Go.  It's your project."

"I can wire."  He got an idea and did something else with a grin.  "Radek told me he was looking over something the idiot ponytail was doing but it had wrong math.  He fixed it the other night when he couldn't sleep."

Rodney stared at it then at him.  "Showing off?" he asked dryly.  "You supposedly can't do those sort of things, Xander."

"Bite me but don't tell anyone," he muttered.  He fixed a few other things and smirked as he fixed the drain off the ZPM for 'sleep cycle' that hadn't been turned off.  "Do we have any active cryo chambers outside of the one for Beckett?"

"Just that one, why?"

"We've supposedly got ten active."

Rodney shifted to look, turning off any that didn't have an actual body in it.  Beckett's failed for a nanosecond then restarted and it was listed as working better.  "Thank you.  I'll be checking on that too."  He gave Xander a push toward Miko when she came in.  "Take him to check those projection nubs."

"Yes, Rodney."  She led him off.  "What were you doing?"

"What Radek taught me while he was working on it."

"Oh.  Kavanagh's flawed power program."

He nodded.  "Yup, the idiot ponytail."  She giggled, swatting him on the arm.  They went to rewire the projection nubs no matter who gave them odd looks.  It let Atlantis start to come out better.  Which they'd probably like, even if she did fixate on Xander too.  Nila was very nice and having an image to talk to was nicer.

Back in the room, Rodney was muttering to himself about idiot future scientists that he had to give more tests to.  Apparently Xander had skimped on telling him some things he knew how to do in an emergency.  That was not going to be allowed to keep going on.

***

Radek cornered Xander, staring at him.  "You implemented my program?" he asked quietly.

"Yup."

"It was still theoretical."

"We had a lot of wasted energy anyway, like the freezer room for Botany and their sun lamps when they had focusing mirrors."

"Hmm."  He gave him a pat.  "Rodney is pacing and swearing about you doing so without his authority."

"We need to find out who had been using things to recharge things."

"We will.  The list?"  Xander handed it over with a sheepish grin.  "We'll start with the containment chambers so we can check on Carson."  He walked him down there.  It was well away from Rodney's temper.  He hoped.  Xander didn't deserve that yelling.  Plus he could tell Xander about Carson.  He had been an amazing person and someone who would have mother henned Xander until he gave in and simply pouted.

Three hours later John looked at the staff on his base.  "Does anyone recognize these?" he asked, holding up the chargers for batteries, shavers, radios, and all manner of things.  "We seem to have found them in some strange areas they shouldn't have been.  We can't be sure they didn't decide to become sentient and move themselves but we thought we'd check first," he said sarcastically.

One raised her hand slowly.  "That goes to my razor, sir; it exceeds my limit because my room's on the poor energy side but I love my room.  So I was using a plug in the room next to mine."

"We can up that," Rodney said, glaring at her.  "Doing things like that throws our energy projections out of whack and we have no idea what's taking up so much energy.  Also, the people who so *cleverly* plugged into the cryovac units?  You're in deep shit if I have to fix them during an emergency so they can be used to save someone important's life.  You nearly got Beckett's unit shut down as well."  They all flinched at that.  "That one, you're due for a long discussion on how and why you did it for mere rechargeable batteries.  We now have specified areas, people.  Even we have to use them if we're in a lower energy tower.  Even me."  They backed away, they could tell he was pissed off.  "So, give, who did it?  Before I ask and get it in living video."

"We don't have video there," someone said.  "We all tried to check on Carson when he was put in there."

"Atlantis, who did it?" he called.  She put up video and he smirked as those people tried to hide.  Ronon swatted four of them into the open.  The leader sank down and was not a happy camper to be outed.  "Good, thank you.  Did we miss any?"

"Two from my tower.  I have them in the hallway but they're good things like doorbells," Xander offered.

"You regulate your own power usage, Xander, even with your tv.  We all realized you're not sucking off the main power base and I will be looking at your version of the generator to see how."  He looked at those four and his scientists.  "I'd run to the office and hope like hell Sheppard gets you first," he ordered.

"I have the right to spank if you're endangering the city," John said dryly.  "Come get your shit and consider this a write-up, people.  Xander, we're going to be checking yours for power drain.  McKay?"

"I already did.  He uses less than one lab's worth for his office and room.  That's within standard limits with his computers and those things."  John nodded.  "Plus he supplements his own."  He walked up there to yell at others.  The rest of them got their chargers and slunk off.

Atlantis appeared in the control room.  "They did not look happy," she said quietly.

Rodney smirked.  "They knew they were doing wrong by being morons.  They deserve to get yelled at for it."

"I suppose that is true."  She left, going to talk to Nila and Nila's new family.  She liked her brother Xander.  He was sweet to them.

John shut them in his office so they could both yell at them.  That sort of fixing was not allowed, especially not when so much of the city really needed fixed.  Recharging your MP3 player was not more important than the cryogenic storage units.

15: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Xander ran into the medical bay, looking around.  He was seeing things he didn't want to see.  He loved orgies but really!  Eww!  He grabbed a scanner and ran it over the nearest couple.  He got growled at so he walked out and down to the regular lab.  "Atlantis, what is this?" he asked as he walked.

"I do not know, Xander."

"Do you know the cause?"

"I believe the cause of the mating is in Botany.  There seems to be spores in the air."

Xander looked up.  "Can you identify the plant?"

"No I cannot."

"Nila, can you identify the plant that's causing the rutting?" he called.

"Yes, I can.  It is widely known for such problems.  It is in my database, Xander," she said over the speaker nearest to him.

It came up on the scanner and he grinned.  "Cool.  How do we stop it?"

"I do not know," Nila admitted.  "Short of removing all the spores, this behavior will continue."

Xander walked into Botany, finding the damned plant easily enough.  He locked a case over it, pulled over a post it to put a note on it, then taped it down and sent it off magically.  "Okay, that'll help," he decided.  "What if we vent the air from the city?  Will that help?"

"You would have to vacuum the air," Atlantis offered.  "The effects are widespread."

"What about the people on the mainland?" Nila asked.

Xander considered it.  "Are they in the path of the wind for the next few days?"

"I believe they would be tomorrow," Atlantis told him.  They both materialized once he got into Radek's lab.  He bowed to both of them and they bowed back.  "It is not hard to do, but I would suggest we vent it into the sea instead."

Xander read over the plant's peculiar nature again, nodding.  "Can we do that without hurting anyone?"

"Yes," Nila said.  "The system is in place on both of us to vent harmful atmosphere in case of chemical accident or other harmful gasses being released into the air."

"How long... four days?" he asked Nila.  That's what the file said and he was thinking this sounded vaguely familiar.

"That is usually how long it takes.  The spores' biological imperative makes sure that the people who they attach to do roll around on the ground and leave biological deposits in the form of sweat and semen to nourish it."

"I get that."  He considered it.  "Okay.  Atlantis, where does the infirmary stock all the tylenol, aspirin, and advil?"

"It is in the second storage closet, which is presently clear of people."

"The muscle rub?"

"The same closet, on a lower shelf.  I can move them out for you if you wish."

"Please."  He looked at Nila.  "Can you do the venting while she's doing that?"

"That would mean a level of interaction that Doctor McKay did not want me to use yet," she said, wavering her image to another one.  "The gate just activated and I believe there is a call."

Xander rushed out to the gate room, jogging up the stairs, transferring the call to Chuck's station.  He was presently under the desk with himself.  "Yes, sir," he said.

"Harris, where's everyone else?" he asked.  "Another fun day?"

"We had an unfortunate plant spore problem start earlier, sir."

"Are they passed out, son?"

"No, sir, they're screwing," he said bluntly.  "According to Nila's database, the plant does this every six months to reproduce itself.  In humans it creates a mating urge to reproduce so their spores get little biological deposits to help it after we've rolled them all onto the ground."

Landry winced.  "How long has this been going on?"

"Nila started to giggle about..."  He checked the time.  "Under an hour ago.  I asked her why, she told me about all the mating going on.  I've got plans in place to vacuum the air like we had a chemical release so we can send the majority of the spores into the water."

"Good!  Are you sending the plant to us?"

"No, sir, you don't have a good containment system if you wanted to keep it alive.  Nothing that would allow you to feed and water it."  Landry moaned.  "Fortunately, since I set it up myself, I know that Torchwood 4 does.  I sent it there to Dawn.  With instructions to put it into the quarantine system and what it does."

"Why them?  They're not cleared for classified material."

"Sir, Jack's traveled like I have and I'm pretty sure he's run into it before.  When I was traveling, the Doctor pulled me out of a marketplace quickly after mentioning a plant going off.  I saw a few people falling down to oral sex right then and there.  Jack was with us at that point so I'm pretty sure he knew since he was smirking and took in a big lung-full before going back into the Tardis."

"I see.  They're still not...."

"I trust Jack to protect people more than I trust anyone, sir.  He's protected the people for a very long time."

"I understand that."

"Plus they did have the necessary containment system, which the base didn't.  Once you have one set up I'm sure he'll be handing it over."

"I'll call to make sure in a few minutes.  Anything else on this plant?"  Xander sent the file to him.  "That does look nasty."

"Sir, if you wanted to make the program money, you can make an herbal viagra that's better than anything in the system presently," he said dryly.  "Even the people who can't have sex are having sex.  I saw the Marine that was so scarred from an explosion that he doesn't work anymore and has no feeling down there, screwing a nurse."

"Oh, dear."

"Exactly.  Plus, hey, if it affects Jack, he won't really mind," he said dryly.

"What other plans do you have?"

"Tylenol, muscle rub, reminding them not to use it as a lube.  The normal things I'd do after an orgy.  The shrinks can deal with any aftermath but the file doesn't say that it makes you take non-consensual action.  It does say that it promotes fertility actually."  Landry shuddered.  "So I don't know, sir.  Do you have any other suggestions?"

"Is it really that bad?"  Xander hit a few keys and typed in a command to log the cameras from the mess hall into the feed.  Landry's face went bright red.  "Cancel that."  Xander did that.  "Walter, did he cancel that feed to us and Midway?" he called.

"Yes, sir."

"Thank you."

"There's three massive orgies going on, sir.  There, the infirmary, and the atrium by Botany.  I'll figure it out, I always do, but if the ships are coming, don't let them dock."

"I'll call them, you send out a note as well.  They should be on your end."  Xander nodded.  "Then make sure no one gets too injured."

"I'll do what I can, sir.  Do we have condoms?"

"You should yes."

"Then I'll put them out in bowls and prompt the usage."

"Good.  I'll get with Harkness later on once I make sure we have a containment system set up."

Xander shook his head.  "They were talking about when Morticia and Gomez end up spawning and that they didn't have one set up that would allow them to feed and water the plants.  Just to quarantine it away from everyone like a new power source."

"I'll arrange that then.  Let Sheppard give me a report when he's done."

"Probably six days until they get fully back to normal.  The file said it took the Ancients four but we're all a bit wound from the combat up here."

"Good point.  Do you see anything that might be raise review forms?"

Xander went into the office, coming back a minute later.  "I see about eight done, maybe nine, one's sticky.  I see a few that have to be done."

"That's fine.  Have him send those with his blunt report about this."  Xander made that note and held it up to the camera, earning a smile.  "Good job.  Get hold of the Apollo."

"Ellis?"

"Unfortunately, yes."  Colonel Ellis was not going to be amused.  Things like this would drive the man nuts.

"Yes, sir.  Thank you for calling, sir.  Have a better day and take something for the headache I can see throbbing."  He hung up and pulled out his magical, mystical cellphone while the gate shut down and cycled through the self check.  "Dawnie, me.  Did you get the plant?"  He grinned.  "Good.  No, it's already done that today.  Get it into quarantine, call Jack, then let Landry call him to tell him when they can handle it."  He beamed.  "Good girl.  Love and miss you too, sprout."  He hung up and put out a call to the ship.  It was a bit wide and he winced but he couldn't get it narrowed down.  "How in the hell do I do this?" he asked it.

"Blue button, sir, then the two green buttons, select the ship with the mouse," the tolerant sounding answer came back.  "Unless it has to be private."

"Just to you guys."  Xander did that.  "Still reading me, Apollo?"

"Yes, sir."

"I need Ellis please?  This is Atlantis and we have a biological contaminant floating around right now."

Atlantis shimmered into view.  "I can do the venting now, Xander."

"Will it hurt anyone?  Anyone in the way that'll be deprived?"

"No.  No one is in a critical or sealed area that could be overly affected."

"Then please vent it, Atlantis."

"Harris, what are you doing?" Colonel Ellis demanded.

"There's a plant that vomited spores into the air that's ...."  He read off a technical name.  "Look that up.  We have that problem all over base due to the plant."

Ellis groaned but apparently did it because he swore.  "Seriously?"

"Yeah, I just had a talk with Landry too.  I'm about the only one not affected."  Chuck moaned.  "Rest, Chuck.  I've got tylenol and stuff sitting out for you guys when you need it."  He looked back at the system, finding the video was on.  "There you are," he said with a smirk.  "How do I send the video feed?"

"I've already plugged in and I'm disgusted."

"The plant..."  He sent that file to him.

"I see it's unavoidable," he sighed after reading it.  "How long?"

"Spores last for four days, I just vented the city into the water to get most of them.  Six days at the most to be back to their chipper selves."

"All right," he decided.  "Need medical support?"

"Tylenol, muscle rubs, make soup," he said bluntly.

Ellis snickered.  "Yeah, that's a good idea too, kid."

"Been in a few myself over the years, Colonel.  Watch our asses for us?"

"Gladly.  We'll be above and waiting on Sheppard or someone to regain sense.  By the way, we have Woolsey."

"Do you really want to infect him with this?"

"No.  He'd be horrified.  Why aren't you affected?"

Xander shifted.  "Biological and DNA contamination."

"I heard about that.  It's keeping you from succumbing?"

"It's making it react slower at the very least.  Though I can withstand a queen Gou'ald.  This is basically the same level.  So yeah, I'm a bit hit but I'll be hiding the last few days of mine."

"What about..." he started.

Xander held up a hand.  "If I get volunteers, go me," he said bluntly.  "If not, I know how to handle it.  I'm a big boy, Ellis."

"Okay.  Keep us informed."

"Can do."  He hung up and looked at the two images.  "Is that hung up?"  Atlantis finished cutting the feed and he grinned.  "Wonderful."  He took his scanner off, taking into the caf.   He laid out sandwich stuff on the cold trays, turning off the burnt stuff in the ovens.   He checked everything else, it was out too.  Nila pointed at one so he turned off the dishwasher too.  "Okay.  That'll do."  He considered what else he could do.  "Condoms and lube?"

"I did pull it out and put it in various locations," Nila said proudly.

"Thank you for thinking of that.  Atlantis, is there a totally unused room that we can turn into a swimming pool?  It could help a lot."

She ran over her schematic then nodded.  "Room B-13."

"That's the bomb room," he said, considering it.  "High doorway, sunken floor.  The quarantine room?"

"There's no pipes into there," she said.

"Okay, let's move everything out of the bomb room?  Or do I need to go do it?"

"I can," she promised, doing that for him.  "It's going up the hall into the storage room."

"Some padding is left," Nila told her.

"That was already there, Nila."

"Is it waterproof?" Xander asked.  She nodded.  "There's nothing left?  Not tools, nothing else?"

"No."

"Okay, flood it to make it into a lounging pool and heat it to just below body temperature please."  They both smiled and did that for him.  Xander walked out, going to the first area, in the other side of the mess.  "Guys, there's a pool in the basement," he called, moving the condoms closer to people.  "Plus we have food set out for you when you're tired."  A few grunted at that.

Nila 'wrote' a message on the wall, getting a nod from Atlantis for that thought.  "That is very reasonable," Atlantis told her.

"Thank you," she answered, smiling back.

"Good job," Xander praised.  He walked off, going to tell the others.  "Guys, food in the mess to make sandwiches and the bomb room has a pool now," he told them.  He got a few who were panting up and found the tylenol bottles to hand over.  The female smiled and took two.  "Food in the mess, pool in the bomb room."

"Sure," she said weakly.  "Why aren't you affected?"

"I'll get hit later."  She nodded so he walked groups down there, bringing down a tray of meats, cheeses, and breads for them.  Plus bottles of water.  He got a few more down there, smiling when one kissed him.  "Hi to you too."  He let them into the room, smiling when they slid down the padding into the water.  There were steps but this would help a lot.  "Atlantis, bathrooms down here?"

"Six," she promised, making them light up.

"Good.  Referee down here, make sure no one drowns.  Let me help the others."  They nodded and one took each end of the pool to watch over the frail humans.  Xander went up to the atrium by Botany, sighing.  "Hi, guys.  I've got food, tylenol, muscle rub, and a warm pool set up."  They groaned but let him hand them stuff and walk them down there.

Radek pushed him against a wall, kissing him hard.  "What is this?" he asked in Czech.

"This is the pretty plant with the star-shaped flowers, Radek.  It's a spore."  He took another kiss with a smile.  "Go rest.  You need to rest."

"They..."

"You can have me later.  Go rest in the pool for me."  Radek nodded, helping another few people down there.  Xander went to break up John.  The Marines were skinny dipping in another pool that had been set up by the city.  The gym had hopefully been cleared of everything.  He saw the weapons cabinet and waded in to check it, carrying it out after he ripped it off the wall.  Everything else was gone and the floor had been sunk down by about five feet.  Enough to stand up in for most people.

He led more people in there and it was better.  He put in trays of food, water, tylenol, muscle rub, and condoms with lube on a shelf the city had created next to the door.  "Guys, food," he called with a point.  "Condoms, food, water, tylenol."  A few went to get what they needed and he left to search out the others.  Poor Chuck got taken to the second room since it wasn't full.  The other military guys went into the gym.  They probably played a bit rougher than the scientists.  Xander took a break to eat something and have some water.

"Okay, ladies, can we find any stragglers not in there and not in their rooms?"  A map was sent to the scanner and he went to check on them.  He put food in the rooms with people going at it.  Then he went to collapse in his own bed.  He was tired now.  Armand was having fun in his bathtub.  Nila was having her own fun in her city, he could hear that.  "My laptop," he moaned.  It was beamed in.  "Thank you, ladies.  Tell me if I have to handle anything."  They sent virtual pats to the scanner and he went limp again.

Radek stumbled in with Lorne, walking over to the bed.  "You left."

"You guys needed privacy."

Radek snorted and leaned down to kiss him.  "You would wear this out better than anyone, Xander."  Evan got his other side.  "Do you mind if we take your help?"

"I'd love to help you two."  They beamed and he put the scanner on the free pillow then let them do whatever they wanted to him.  Or whatever they wanted him to do to them.  Radek was a pushy bottom as it turned out.  Evan had a slightly kinky side.  It was all good though.

***

Xander woke up from a nice rest, looking at the two with him.  Then at the man at the foot of his bed.  "Rodney?"

"She's going to complain that you flooded the bomb disposal room."

"We needed it."

"We did," he said, rubbing a hand through his hair.  "I....  How long?"

"Four days for the spores but I vented it into the water so it wouldn't hit the mainland too.  You guys should be back to normal in six."  Radek was teasing his stomach, making him smile at him.  "Awake?"

"Quite.  Rodney, why are you asking?"

"He's not as affected."

"He is," Evan moaned.  "He got hit more slowly due to the merpeople DNA stuff."

"Damn it," he complained.  Xander grinned.  He sighed, looking at them.  "I ...I can't find anyone."

John walked in and looked at him.  "Xander?"

"Six days at the most, John.  Four days to kill the spores."

"Okay.  Thanks for the pools and the food.  Most of us can almost think now."  He looked at them.  "You guys look very pretty together."

Evan smirked at Radek.  "I am jealous," Radek said firmly.  "But this is not normal and will not happen again.  Right?"

Xander kissed him.  "Not without knowledge and consent, Radek."

"Then so be it.  Is a shame that we won't use the whole bed."  He shifted over.  Rodney climbed on and John got the other side with a smirk.  "Ladies are not jumping on you?" Radek asked him.

"No, it's making me think really bad thoughts about babies."

"It says it does that," Xander admitted.  "That's why I put out condoms."

"Good idea."  He took a kiss and they all fell together.  Mouths of sin.  Fingers of doom.  Asses that inspired creation fantasies.  They were probably loud enough to be heard up on the ship in orbit but oh well.  The scanner beeped and Xander panted, looking at it.  "Atlantis, is it a problem?"

"Mr. Woolsey did beam down but has been taken by the spores," she admitted.  "I have pointed the way to the current playing areas and he is involved.  Ellis did not want to send him but did so at his insistence."

"Yay him.  It'll make him happier," he said dryly, cracking the others up.  "Thank you."

"You are welcome."  She turned herself off.  She and Nila agreed, they didn't want to see anything that the humans were getting up to this time.  They were watching each pool area.  Atlantis also had a link back to the infirmary so she could move more necessary things out when they ran out.

***

Dawn called the SUV.  "I have you on speaker, Dawn.  What's wrong?" Jack asked.  He was driving toward a problem.  As usual.  With Ianto beside him logging into the system and Gwen in the back dealing with the police.

"Xander just sent you a screwing plant from the city.  He said it vomited spores a bit ago, you knew about them because of some marketplace.  I've put it in quarantine like the note said and he said when he called.  He said Landry will be calling sometime soon."

"Can you send us a picture of it?" Jack asked.

"Maybe," she admitted, hitting a few keys.  "I'm getting 'blocked access'."

"I'm trying to get in, Dawn," Ianto said.  "Let me."  He logged in again and let Jack see the image.  "Do we know it?"

"Yes, I do," he said with a smirk.  "It's a procreation flower as some people called it.  It makes you want to find the most fertile woman and screw her into the nearest surface.  Xander sent it from the city?"

"Yes," Dawn said over the speaker.  "His penmanship was a bit shaky too."

"I don't doubt it.  The Doctor kept him from being affected the last time we ran into it."  He turned a corner sharply.  "Keep it in that quarantine unit, even though it's already mated and sent out spores.  Just in case some hung onto the leaves.  I'll call Landry in a bit to talk to him, and to get Xander out of trouble for sending it to us.  Though I have seen that pretty little flower all but destroy some civilizations where there weren't enough women."

"What if they're gay?" she asked.  "Like firmly gay."

"I've seen guys who couldn't get it up do so with this.  That is the herbal viagra of the universe," he said bluntly.  "So if you're feeling affected, go ahead and steal a few things from my bottom desk drawer and hit the bathroom.  We'll be back in hopefully an hour."

"Nothing on my end yet," Dawn said, sounding miserable.  "Maybe it's just me though."  She hung up.

Jack shook his head.  "Log me into the SG phones, Ianto."  He nodded that it was up.  "This is Jack Harkness of Torchwood 4.  Please connect me with General Landry."  Hold music came on and he was connected to someone who sounded upset.  "General, I'm sure you've heard that Xander sent that damn plant to me for safety reasons."

"What sort of containment system do you have over there?" he asked.

"We have a variety due to the things we deal with.  Including one with waldos and an entry port for water and things.  Also, Xander knew that putting it on your base was probably the worst idea unless you wanted to be doing what his city is probably doing."

"I hadn't thought about that."

"Around the office, we don't much care," Jack said dryly.  "Dawn has it in quarantine for you.  Let us know when you're ready for it and we can give you coordinates to beam to for picking it up."

"I can agree with that.  Are you sure it'll be safe?"

"We've hid many alien things in the past, General."  He turned another corner and muttered at traffic as he went around something.  The general laughed at what he had said.  "I've also seen that thing start wars because it creates a procreation urge, not just a mating urge."

"I saw that in the file he sent me.  I'll talk to you within a week to get that from you, Harkness.  Be safe and I'm sure he'll want to hear from Dawn soon."

"That's wonderful.  She just sent him an email yesterday gushing about this new boy who thinks she's exotic because she's American."

"Wonderful," he said blandly.  "I have daughters."

"She's not a bad one to have," Jack told him.  "A bit fussy.  She even kisses injuries."  He slammed on the brakes.  "Talk to you in a week, General."  He hung up and they rushed toward the scene to handle it.

***

Xander walked down to the infirmary the next day, grabbing a few pills of tylenol and a few bottles of water, going to hand them over to his guests.  They were all exhausted and ready to nap it off.  He made them take them and went to check on things.  Not that Xander didn't feel like limping but he could handle this.  He ran into Woolsey muttering and almost walking, taking him to the food line.  Woolsey fell on the food and made himself a double layer sandwich.  "I told them not to let you down yet," he told him.

"I heard, but it's my people.  I should be here, Harris."  He looked around, shuddering at the screwing going on.  He took a bottle of water too.  "How long?"

"Four days to kill the spores, six to probably be fully out of it.  We have pools set up if you'd like."

"No, I think I'll visit our closet," he admitted, going to do that and then hide in his suite.

Xander walked around with food, making sure everyone got something, even if they were in the middle of something.  He put more in the pool areas, smiling when the people fell on them.  He noticed the condoms were getting low and called the ship.  "Colonel Ellis?"

"Yes, Harris?  Problems?"

"Some.  We're starting to run out of muscle rub, condoms, and advil.  Do you guys have any in our shipment?"

"We don't have condoms I'm sure," he said blandly.  "Why do you guys?"

"Alien VD and the IOA said that they'd rather we had porn than alien VD."

"Oh, that memo," he said, grimacing.  "I saw that."

"We have a closet," he said dryly.  "None?"

"No, not in the manifests.  Tylenol we have some of in the infirmary.  Let me ask them.  Hold on."  He put him on hold.  Xander smiled when Evan walked up to where he was.

"Let me get some supplies," he said, taking a kiss.

"Gladly."  He looked him over, smoothing a hand down his back.  "You've been slacking in PT," he teased.

"It'll be okay.  It's not like I can't spar."  Evan beamed at that.  "Do you like watching it?"

"You look very hot doing it, Xander."  He took another kiss.

Ellis cleared his throat.  "I don't need to hear that, even under the influence of alien plant spores, gentlemen.  The infirmary has a few things, they're sending them down, Harris."

"Thank you.  See you soon for unloading."  He hung up and went to grab the few boxes, carrying them with his help to the infirmary.  He got trapped to a desk and smiled, letting Evan have him then and there.  "Evan!" he moaned.  Yeah, that man was an artist in more ways than one.  His mouth....  He heard the alarm and groaned.  Evan groaned too.  "Atlantis, what is it?"

"Wraith."

"Shit!"  Evan laughed, sucking harder to get him off faster.  "Okay.  I'm clear headed.  Evan?"

"Not even close, Xander."

Xander beamed.  "Come watch me be brilliant in the chair?"

"Of course."  They walked that way and found John already in there and Rodney hooking up the second chair.  "Will it work?" he asked McKay.

"It has to.  It did earlier."  He looked at them.  "Xander, are you clear headed?"

"Yes.  Evan's not."

"Major, sit in the second chair.  Xander, can you...." he waved a hand at John's lap.

"Maybe," he said coyly.

John pulled him closer to kiss.  "Please, Xander?  You're amazing and I know I respect you for more than this."  Xander nodded, falling to his knees on the footrest while the chair tipped John back for him.  "Oh, god, yes," he moaned when Xander sucked him down.  "Evan, take the drones on the west side.  I'll take the others and the cannon.  We'll support the Apollo."

"Yes, Colonel."  He panted but Rodney came over to kiss him so he could concentrate better.  He heard John get off and whimpered.  But Xander came over, naked, to sit in his lap.  Xander undid his belt and pulled him out then sat down on him.  "Oh, pretty, Xander."

"Make sure they don't come get me," he whispered in his ear.

"They'd better not."   He and John worked well together, backing each other's plans up.  Xander slowly wiggled on him and it was more than he needed.  He was going to explode soon.  Xander kissed him and he let go finally, exploding two of the drones next to the ships.  It worked and they weren't expecting it.

"Pretty," John promised.  One dart made it through and he shot it down with the cannon, moaning into Rodney's hand job.  "That's not bad, McKay."

"It's not like you're my usual type," he said.  John pulled him down to kiss him.  "What did I do to deserve this?" he asked, smiling some.

"I'd never fuck someone I can't kiss."  He pulled him down, using the tilt of the chair to help him.  Evan let out another groan and Xander kissed him, getting off his lap.  "You two are pretty together but Xander needs a haircut, Evan."

"I'll deal with that soon, sir."  He checked then shut down the shields and let the chair turn off.  It didn't sit up because John wanted it tipped back.  Rodney was going to be begging to see the universe a whole different way soon.  He walked him off, taking him back up to their room.  Radek was pouting so Xander climbed up him to make him happier.  Yeah, that was good.

***

Evan woke up from a desperately needed nap clear headed for a change.  He blinked, looking at the warm, comforting body between him and Radek.  Radek blinked at him and shrugged slightly on his free side.  Xander shifted some and Evan grabbed the lube, working to prepare him.  Xander needed to know it wasn't just this that had them coming to him.  Xander woke up, grunting in displeasure because he was tired.  "Shh," Evan said in his ear.

"Again?" he asked quietly.

"No, not the spores," Radek assured him, taking a kiss.  The boy stared at him.  "We came to you because we wanted to.  We were both that much in our right minds."  He took another one and Evan teased the poor boy.  "We would be honored to have you when you needed and wanted us to, Xander.   With the military we cannot make it official, but whenever you or we need it?"

Xander sniffled.  "I could like that."  He hugged Radek then turned to hug Lorne.  Which let Radek do wicked things with his fingers.  "I'm probably still stretched, Radek."

"Hush.  I'm having fun."

Xander beamed back at him then wiggled to his knees so he could tease Evan's chest.  Radek growled a tiny bit but it allowed him to play more.  Xander was moaning now and then as he teased all the spots he had found on Evan's chest over the past few days.  He nearly gagged when Radek pulled his fingers suddenly and slid into place, gripping him tightly.  He looked back with a grin.  "Are you being the naughty scientist?"

"Yes, I am."  He thrust in and Xander moaned, moving down to tease Evan some more.  He leaned down, kissing across Xander's shoulderblade.  "Tease him mercilessly, Xander," he whispered.  "I want to see you make him whine for more.  So much so that he's willing to push me out of the way."  Xander moaned, shifting so he could suck on Evan.  Evan clearly liked that, he arched into his mouth and made needy noises.  "That is very pretty."  Someone pounded on the door.  Evan locked it for them.  Then sent the command to seal it until they were done.  The person went away after a few minutes of trying.

Xander pulled back from blowing him to kiss him.  "You're very protective of me and I like that."  He kissed him again, moaning into it because Radek had done something wicked.  Evan wiggled to get into position underneath him so they could rub against each other.  The boy let himself go over pretty fast and it was nice.  They all got off and cuddled.  This was going to be the best part of their time on Atlantis for them.

Xander was finally relaxed, down off his spore high as well, and lazily tracing figures on their chests.  "Atlantis, who was that knocking?" he called.

"That was Colonel Mitchell, Xander."

"I'll find him in a bit."

"He is in the mess."

"Tell him to make sure people ate."

"He is making soup."

"Even better.  Thank you."  He snuggled in better and they let him drift off for a while.

Someone came up and rang the bell.  "Not yet," Evan called quietly.

John got let in anyway.  Being the military commander and the strongest ATA carrier had some advantages.  "Did I imagine a space battle while we were down?"  He looked more in control, like he had bathed, and done his hair.  Basically a bit sweaty still but mostly normal.

"Nope."

"Huh.  Okay then."  He smiled.  "Not like I mind, Rodney doesn't mind as long as you don't hurt him.  Faith doesn't mind.  Ronon doesn't mind.  Some of the other guys might but yay them."  They both smirked at him and Xander purred in his sleep, stretching back against Radek's body while one leg went over Evan's leg.  "Anything I should know?"

"I think the Apollo is waiting," Evan admitted.  "I remembering hearing him and Atlantis telling us Woolsey was back."

"Good deal.  Be safe, show up later if he's better."  He left, locking the door behind himself.  He went down to the caf to check.  Cameron was in the kitchen.  "Need an apron?" he teased with a smirk.

"Probably should before I have to do laundry."  John showed them how they did soup up there, getting a nod for it.  "I saw Woolsey.  He snuck in for food without looking at anyone."

"Yay.  Anything else going on?"

"Two pools.  He flooded the gym and the bomb disposal room.  The weapons were on your desk."

"Thanks.  I'll get that cleaned up if someone doesn't shriek at him."

"I needed that warm soak," Cam said impatiently.  "Cause damn I'm sore."  John grinned and nodded at that sentiment.  "Did I imagine a space battle?"

"I checked on Radek, Lorne, and Xander.  Evan said no, we didn't imagine it."

"Wonderful."  He let it finish warming up and put soup out in serving size bowls.  People came over sniffling.  "Soup," he called over the intercom.  "Eat before you pass out, people."  He served the rest who came in while John got the system to empty the dishwasher.  They left the soup there for any stragglers and went to check on everything else.  They found Ellis in the gate room.  "Ellis," they said in unison.

"I know it said the spores died in four days, I figured our docs could help with the clean up if necessary."

"Please," John agreed.  "I have no idea where Keller is."

"She is in the soaking pool in the gym," Atlantis told him.  "Most of her staff as well."

"Thank you, Atlantis.  You were wonderful while we were incapacitated."

"You are welcome."

Ellis stared.  "She's that reactive?"

"Her and Nila both."

"Is Nila that little addition someone built?" he guessed.

"The prototype city, yes," Cam said.  "O'Neill and Landry said it goes to SG-1 when she comes back to earth.  Once they fix some retrofitting problems with the structure and put on weapons for her own safety, plus a bathroom."

"Sure," he said, nodding some.  "I thought we couldn't find her."

"Xander took Caldwell and McKay," John said.  He yawned.  "Ow."  He rubbed his jaw.  "Sorry if we screwed up that battle I thought I had hallucinated."

"No, you and whoever did a good enough job, Sheppard."  He smirked.  "Let me help clean it up."

"Ellis, we're going to go on the Vegas rule on this situation," John said bluntly.  "What happens due to plant spores, stays a memory that makes you grin stupidly at odd times."

"Agreed.  I'm damn glad I don't have to cart the thing back to earth."

"Where is it?" Cam asked.

"Torchwood."

"Figures, they would have the containment system," John decided.   "Let's start rounding up personnel.  Thankfully we had some condoms on hand," he sighed as he walked off.

"I saw a note on your desk," Cam admitted.  John went in to look and groaned.  "What?"

"Landry wanted a blunt report about what happened."

"Well, how blunt do you want to make it?" Cam asked.  "A socially acceptable version and then the truth?"

"Maybe."  He walked off, taking Ellis to the infirmary.  Some people were still affected and the doctors were putting them in closed off cubicles.  "Let's get them to their rooms," he decided.  They smiled at him.  "Or the pools."

"We've taken those over for the people who're sore," one doctor told him.  "It was a good idea.  I'll send back a requisition for the used pain relievers, muscle rub, and condoms as well, Colonel."

"Thank you.  Do we have the morning after pill for those who might want it?" he asked.

"A few doses but it only works for 72 hours after unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy, the sooner the better.  This...incident did last longer.  If it is wanted, I'll dispense it on an as-needed basis."

"Thank you.   Let me find some other moving people to help get them to their rooms."  She nodded and he went to search.  He found Ronon and Teyla staring in horror at the gym.  "It was necessary and the things were all moved.  The weapons case is on my desk."

Teyla smiled.  "That is excellent news and probably very handy."

"It helped when you're sore," John agreed.  "We've got to move the still affected back to their rooms."  A nurse turned her head to look at him.  "The Apollo is here and her docs have it, people.  Don't worry about it.  Soup in the mess.  Mitchell made it."  She smiled and went back to lounging.  Between them they got the cum-scented, -depleted, and -covered back to their quarters for now.  The rest wandered toward food when told or the pools to soak out the pain from over used and stressed body entrances or exits.  They found Chuck, the gate tech, in a room with a lot of Marines and he was looking like the pack's bitch so John got him out and to his quarters, sitting him in the bathroom and turning on the shower for him since all he could do was whimper.  Then he went to get the others out to their own rooms.

***

John looked at the mass of people later that night.  "Do you want to know what caused it?" he asked.  A few didn't nod but most did.  "Who remembers the pretty silver, star shaped flower that Botany found?"  Most everyone groaned.  "It's safely in quarantine on earth.  It does it every six months.  We have the file if anyone wants to look at it."  He looked around.  "The main base and the Apollo do know," he admitted.  "They've agreed we were overcome, could not do anything about it, and are going on the Vegas principle.  What happens while spored stays while spored."  Everyone relaxed.  "There are extra medical personnel if anyone, especially women, want to check on things," he said delicately.  "I'm sure we'll all glad that the condoms made their way to us as well.  I know most of the women are on birth control but we'd miss you guys."  They smiled back.  "For now, the pools will stay up for one more day.  All weekly PT is canceled but not range time."

Ellis snorted.  "You're excusing PT?" he asked dryly.

John looked at him.  "Ellis, I, personally, had sex seventy-eight times in four days.  I did so much cardio work this week it's not funny."  Ellis went pink and ducked his head.  "I think that probably holds true for everyone on base.  If they want to go for a run or something, they can do that."  He looked at the group, smiling.  "For now, clean up the areas.  We'll be pumping the pools at dawn on Saturday."

"That's tomorrow," someone called.

"Okay then Sunday," he decided.  He shrugged and checked his watch.  "Everyone make sure you're physically able for duty by Sunday, please remember to eat something since some of us probably only had a sandwich or two.  Who put out sandwiches and the condoms?" he asked Ellis.

"Harris.  He called us, took the call from Landry, and had the plant moved too."

"I figured he had the plant moved."  He nodded.  "Any questions or remarks?"

"What happens if someone does get knocked up, sir," one female Marine said.

"The usual rules apply to you and you can deal with the issue or not," he said honestly.  "I know that's putting the burden of choice on the women.  Sorry."

"It's one we've had all along," another said.

"There are limited amounts of morning after pill packs," John offered.  "I know most of you are on something to help you with that issue anyway."  She nodded at that.  "So I'd see a doc."

"I can do that.  Any other orders?"

"Eat something.  Be fit for duty by Sunday at dawn.  Back to schedule then."  They all nodded and left.  He looked at Ellis.  "Thank you for the good timing."

"Not a problem.  I'll beam down stuff mid-morning on Sunday so you guys have time to make sure everyone on duty is fit."  He walked off grinning.

"Colonel Ellis," one of the women in Botany said, jogging up to him.  "We found seventeen seedlings of that plant in the lab."  He gave her a horrified look.  "They'll need to go back to earth for testing, sir."

"Put them in a containment system?"

"We don't have one you can feed them in.  They're too young to do that to you though."

"Promise?"

"Mostly.  They hopefully don't have any spores on them."

"Fine.  They're going in stasis then."

"I can handle that.  Sunday?"

"Please."  She beamed and walked off.  He grumbled but went back to his ship.  It was more sane up there.  Before he beamed he saw Harris walking up the hall in tight jeans and no shirt, plus barefoot.  He groaned.  He looked like an oversexed godling today in the hallway light.

Xander walked in and looked at him.  "Hey."

"Thanks for the weapons."

"It was stuck to the wall so they hadn't moved it.  It shouldn't need dried out though."

"Good.  You okay?"

"I'm fine.  Radek and Evan are both in the mess.  We're pulling together a big table so come eat."

"I am."  He came down to join him.  "Shoes?  Shirt?"

"Shoes I'm working on."  He held them up then dropped them and put the slippers on.  The shirt was nowhere to be seen.  John gave him a pointed look.  Xander turned and even John had to hiss at his back.  It was a mess of scratches.  "Sorry.  Can't."

"Get that cleaned?"

"I have.  It's got bandages on it.  Just hurts like a bitch."

"Sorry," he said quietly.

"Actually, I think most of them were from ...him."

"Yeah, I have a few of those.  He needs to do his nails," he agreed quietly.  They walked into the mess together.  He paused by a table with Kissen's team.  "Faith, are you okay?"

"I had a hell of a ride then locked my happy ass in my room," she said bluntly.  "Before I got too screwed."

He smiled.  "That's fine then."  He patted her on the shoulder.  "Let me know if you see any problems."  She nodded, eating a bite of dinner.  "O'Neill?"

"I'm fine," Jon said.  "Did I hear the alarm?"

"Yeah, we were almost attacked.  It was fairly surreal and I thought I was hallucinating."

Jon nodded once.  "Good job, sir."  He smirked.  "Xander, did you get attacked by a beaver or something?"

"Nails," he said with a small shrug.  He grinned before going to get dinner and heading for their expanded table.  He sat down in the space between Radek and Evan.  Evan looked at his back and winced.  "It's cool," he said quietly.  "You have very short nails.  Radek too."

Radek moaned.  "A few are probably mine since they're bite marks," he said quietly.

Xander grinned.  "Those I don't mind as long as I don't change or get possessed by you."  Radek grinned back, relaxing again.  "So, Ronon, did you hide?"

"With every bone in my body," he said.  "It still wasn't enough."

Teyla coughed.  "The plant?"

"Gone," Xander told her.

"Good!  I do not want to think about that on the mainland."

"According to the plant's file, many places like to have them.  It doesn't just encourage the screwing that went on, but it creates a biological response to find the most fertile female and have her."

"Oh!"  Her eyes went wide.  "So it's meant to increase a population?"  Xander nodded with a slight grin.  "Oh, dear."

"Teyla, go to the infirmary if you're not on birth control," Xander said quietly.  "Now.  We have medicine to keep you from getting pregnant hopefully."  She went to do that.  He dug in.  Rodney came over, wincing at Xander's back.  He sat down in his usual spot.  John got his.  Armand waddled in and climbed up to snuggle his hairy friend.

"Hi, Armand," Ronon said, petting him gently.  "Were you okay?"

"I remember hearing him splashing in a tub," Evan said quietly.

Ronon looked at them.  "Good.  It's about time."  Radek gave him a dirty look.  "You too."  He went back to playing with the dragon.  Cameron, Daniel, and Vala came over to join them.  Teyla came back and took a pill as soon as she sat down.  Ronon looked at Vala.  "It was meant to make people bear children."

"I'm on something since the last time I gave birth," she said bluntly.  "I don't want to have another Adria."  Xander stood up and gave her a hug across the table then sat down again.  "Thank you, Xander."

"You're welcome.  It sucks when your kids go bad."  He grinned at her.  "The pool's still up."

"I plan on enjoying it later," she promised him.  "Where did the spores float to?"

"I had the city vent it into the water," Xander told her.  "Like we had a chemical gas leak."

John stood up.  "People, no swimming in the ocean until we're sure the spores are all gone.  It got vented into the water," he announced.  A few people shuddered but everyone nodded.  "Make sure it's well known."  He sat down.  "Thank you for that warning, Xander."

"Sorry, John."

"It's okay.  Really.  You did a great job handling the emergency."

Cam nodded.  "You did everything we would have."  Xander beamed at them for that.  "Even making sure people ate.  That was killer and needed very much."  He patted him on the arm.  "That really does look painful," he said, nodding at his back.

Xander shrugged.  "I've had more scratches than this from fights, Cam."

Daniel leaned over to look then winced.  "I'm so glad that's not my fault."

"I've had worse," Xander said with a slight grin.  "Even if someone does need a manicure."

Rodney stuffed his mouth.  He knew he had longish nails right now.  So most of them were probably his fault.

Vala swallowed her current bite and looked at Xander.  "So, will any of them be dreaming of how you made them scream later?" she asked Xander.

"No, I stayed out of the way.  I didn't want to ruin them for people with normal stamina, ya know?"

Rodney choked.  He glared at Xander but managed to get his airway clear and wiped off the tears that came out.  "Really, Xander."

"I heard from Anya," Vala said with a smile.  "She was still moaning about losing your tongue and the orgasms you gave her.  I had to have her explain that to me.  I thought they were mythical."

"No, not hardly.  That time in the brothel I was teaching them tricks to bring one faster or how to fake one if their client was running out of steam."  The other guys gaped in horror at him.  "What, guys?"

"How?" Radek asked.

"Better oral sex.  It's a wonderful thing," Xander said with a grin.  Cam gave him a dirty look.  "It's helpful."

"It was," he agreed.

"And for other things," Xander assured him.

"I guess.  You sure you're okay?"

"Yes, Cam, I'm fine.  You're a wonderful big brother though."  He gave him a short hug around Radek.  "Quit worrying.  Anyone with me now respects me for who I am, idiot parts and all."

"They'd better.  I will beat their asses if they try to use you," he assured him.  The ones at the table who reacted he smiled at.  He liked Evan and Radek.  Yeah, they'd do Xander good.

Xander smiled.  "It's cool, Cam."

"If you're sure."  He stuffed his mouth, looking at Vala.  "Did you hide too?"

She shook her head.  "I had quite a lot of fun.  I learned whole new things that can be done.  Again, something I thought was only done in stories."

Daniel coughed.  "Not hardly but not everyone is that kinky either, Vala."  He stuffed his mouth.

She smiled.  "Sometimes a bit is fine with me.  Especially that tongue thing."  Teyla moaned, ducking her head, shaking it.  "Sorry, didn't get any?"

"That is not something my people do," she told her.  "Or talk about openly."

Vala smiled.  "I'm happily blunt."

"Yes, you are," Teyla agreed.  "You and Xander both."

Xander shrugged.  "Sometimes it's so good you gotta talk about it."  He grinned.  "Especially when you have that 'it was good' glow about you and you're limping."

"No bragging," John ordered.  "Even if you do look like a debauched sex god right now."

Xander grinned at that compliment.  He glanced at Evan then at Radek, who were both looking down but happy with that compliment to their skills.

Woolsey walked in and over to them.  He stared at Xander.  "Thank you for handling that emergency," he said quietly.  "I erased the interior surveillance tapes of the battle."  He walked off, trying not to blush.

"From what I remember, probably a good idea," John admitted quietly.  He winced a bit but stuffed his mouth.

"What I remember was fantastic," Evan admitted.  Rodney blushed.  "Your memories of hooking in the second chair?"

"Quite...pleasant and decent.  I'd much prefer that sort of thing when my mind wasn't clouded like I had taken drugs."

Xander sighed.  "Don't remind me of that week, please?"

They all stared at him.  "Really?" Cam asked with an evil smirk.

"It was the eighties, guys.  Clubbing in the eighties."  They all moaned.  "But yeah."

"Safety stuff?" Evan asked.

"Fully taken care of," Xander assured him.  "Pre epidemic."

"Thank god," he muttered.  "How bad?"

"Let's see.  Coke made me a bit more mellow.  Not bouncy but I did get a paranoid stretch later on.  Hash gave me the giggles and the munchies and so did pot.  Really bad munchies.  I nearly went cannibal when we didn't have any chocolate for a bit until the people I was with got some.  I got kitty flipped once."  They all stared at him.  "X and ketamine.  That wasn't really my intention but someone had nicely crushed it up and put it into the enema.  I was freaked for hours and thankfully didn't have access to weapons."

"Who were you with?" Evan demanded.

"Raves.  Goth kids at a rave.  I was feeling lonely so I hung."  He shrugged.  "It was a learning experience.  Which is what I wanted."

"Goth kids in the eighties?" Rodney asked.

"They're a bit different than new millennia goths but yeah, there were some.  They were more metal goths.  I learned a *whole* lot about heavy metal that week too."  He grinned. "It really was the learning experience.  And a lot of sex.  Though I flipped out at one point and activated the blippy to get out of there while absolutely smashed on scotch and LSD ice cubes."  He shook his head, eating another bite.

John stared at him.  "Is there anything you haven't done?"

Xander shrugged.  "I don't know yet.  Someone would have to tell me that it existed so I could see."

"Good point I guess," he decided.  "You're not that wild now, right?"

"No.  That was early in the trip, and I was lonely.  I made bad decisions," he said dryly, smiling at his friends.  "But I did learn a lot about myself."

"Clearly," Evan agreed.  "No more after that?"

"Some strange fume things in Athens to help me get in touch with my inner philosopher.  They insisted.  While I was eating."  He shrugged it off.  "Things like that.  Drugged wine a few times.  Octi was bad about that when he thought I'd be...busy."

"Doing?" John asked.

"Anything but worshiping him," he said dryly.  He ate another bite.

"Can we murder your ex's?" Radek asked quietly.

"As long as they show up here and they're done with their timeline," he said with a grin.  "If you pull a Bill and Ted, then you have to make sure they were nearly dead anyway."

"I'll consider that," he muttered.  "Bill and Ted?"

"You've never seen Bill and Ted?" he asked with a grin.  "Cam?"

"I don't have it in my collection but I know someone who does and can send the thing up in the next shipment."

"Too much time," he said, considering it.

"No blipping.  You're not fully recovered," John ordered firmly.

"Yes, Big Brother John."

Cam laughed.  "I thought it was only me."

"No, it's not just you," he assured him.  "That's Mean Uncle Rodney over there," he said with a fork point before stabbing something and eating it.  "Thank god we have meat tonight."

"Plenty of people probably need the less drinkable protein," Vala quipped, making the men besides Xander choke.

Xander shrugged.  "There's not all that much protein in it that can be absorbed by the body," he told her.  Rodney gave him a horrified look while he choked.  "I said that once and got a lecture," he defended.  "Nearly spanked too."

"The Doctor?" Vala asked.

"No.  He would've given me funny looks again.  He thinks I'm worse than Jack sometimes about that stuff."  He shrugged and ate another bite.  He wouldn't mention that it was a good source of iron according to his ex.  They needed their food too much tonight.

Nila appeared next to Xander.  "Xander, I just ejected two very rude people who did not get introduced to me when they walked into my city."

"Grunts or otherwise?" John asked.

"Soldiers I believe by their uniforms, John.  They wear different patches so I don't know where they serve."

"Can you beam them up here or should I go fish them out?" he asked.

"I can beam them.  Will you be chastising them?"

"Greatly.  They should know better."  She beamed at him and brought the two up.  "Thank you, Nila, and I'll make sure everyone remembers."  She bowed and left.  He glared at them.  "Oh, you're Apollo crew," he said grimly.

"John, I can feel the spores from here," Xander said.

John got up.  "Get me seconds on meat and potatoes please."  He hauled them off to his office to yell at them and then at Ellis for letting them.  He made it very clear about how to treat Nila and then handed them over with the remark that they had been in spore infested water.  Ellis groaned but took them off to deal with them himself.  They could screw in locked quarters.  John came out, running into Woolsey.  "Nila does not like certain people," he said calmly.  "You have to be polite, you have to be introduced, and she has a very high fondness of Xander and his gathered friends."

"I saw her but I didn't feel well enough to go out there.  That's the prototype city?"

"Yes, she's Nila.  She has a very sentient AI.  She's more human than some of the people we've met on other planets.  She's also been alone for a very long time."

"I can understand that.  Who is going to be handling her?"

"Right now, Xander and Daniel are decoding her database and when she goes to earth she'll be SG-1's responsibility.  She's already met them and likes them, especially Vala."

"Wonderful," he agreed.  "Is touring her allowed?"

"Be polite, introduce yourself, do not bring female scientists.  She hates them since her main creator's wife cheated on him on her decks.  Nila?"  She appeared, wavering into another image.  "This Richard Woolsey.  He's from the IOA and he's fairly decent.  He's the civilian head of Atlantis at this time."  She bowed to him and he bowed back, smiling at her.  "He wanted to know if you could do a tour with him early tomorrow?  Since it's so late and you don't have a whole lot of lights right now?"

"That would be most acceptable.  Will Xander be back then?  I miss him and Daniel."

"I think he's strong enough to come out tomorrow, yes.  He's unspored so he should be fine."

She beamed.  "Thank you, John.  I'll gladly lead him on a tour tomorrow."  She faded out.

Atlantis faded in.  "We do need Xander to decode some of our more private journals as well," she said quietly.  "I do not feel jealousy so he can work on them from her if he wishes."

"I'll tell him those are open to him now," John said with a smile and a bow.  "Thank you, Atlantis."

"You are most welcome.  The last few in the pools are going to their rooms."

"Remind them of diner and let them go.  We'll let the people who are still sore soak tomorrow then drain it at dawn on Sunday."

"I can do that," she promised with a smile.  "Did it help?  Xander said it would."

"It helped a whole lot.  A lot of us are sore because we're not in relationships right now."

"I noticed that.  If I find a room that may do, I'll mention it."  She disappeared.

John smirked at Woolsey.  "Nila considers Atlantis her child and Xander too.  Jon and I are considered family of Atlantis.  Xander is Nila's family so his friends are mostly her family as well."

"Understood.  Does earth know?"

"O'Neill and Landry know.  The IOA is very busy with all those new outposts," he said with an evil smirk.

"I understand perfectly."

"One of the watchers on the council showed up here.  Xander nearly spaced him."

"I heard."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Let me put my tray up and go rest some more."

"You can use the pools too, Woolsey."

"No thank you.  I know what went on in them.  I have a shower."

"Okay."  He went back to dinner, finding his plate and glass both refilled.  He grinned.  "Thanks, guys.  Woolsey's going to be touring Nila tomorrow, and she's missed you, Xander."

"I'll be out there first thing," he promised with a grin.

"Atlantis said she doesn't feel jealousy so you can work on the private journals out there too."

"Gladly," Daniel agreed, smiling at him.   "Thank you."

"She'll see if we can find a soaking pool room once those are back to normal."

"I'd love a real pool," Ronon said.  "That one was nice to soak in.  Even if I did have to watch some people in odd combinations doing things I never would've thought of with my wife."

"Humans have many ideas I never thought of either," Vala told him.

"Do not even mention the anime," Cam ordered before she could go on.

"I like anime," Xander pouted.  "You never have to worry about if they're clean, if they have fake parts, or if they're cute."

Evan shook his head.  "I'm not joining in this conversation."

Radek cleared his throat.  "Many of us in the scientists watch anime.  They were very appreciative you got them some for the closet."

"Always happy to help," he quipped back with a grin.

"It was disturbing to listen to them talk about them for *weeks* on end," Rodney pointed out then ate his last bite of food.  "And please don't tell them if you have more.  Especially not the exotic stuff.  I think half the botany department saw one of the tentacle ones."

"Trying to eat here," Cam complained.  "I get enough of that from Vala.  Thank you."  He stuffed his mouth and went to get seconds.

Radek and Rodney shared a smirk.  "Are there more tame ones?" Rodney asked.  "Since I don't indulge in that proclivity."

"Many.  Including some that are just fun."

"I have Excel Saga," Xander said with a grin.  "No porn but mental crack."

Rodney cackled.  "Next movie time, we're doing that."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Finish up.  Let's all get some rest so we can start work again tomorrow.  If we can move," he said, looking at Radek.

"I move just fine."  He heard Xander's mumbled 'yes you do' into his water and patted him on the arm.  "Let me cream that for you?  Your back looks nasty still."

Xander smiled.  "We can go play games afterward.  Evan?"

"Not tonight, guys.  I've got overnight shift tomorrow and I need a nap."  He smiled.  Xander gave him a shoulder-to-shoulder nudge.  "But I agree, have Radek put something on those.  They look bad."  He ruffled the kid's hair and got up to toss out his trash then went to get some sleep.  Xander was cuddly, warm, and wiggled.  He kept waking up at the wiggling.

Radek finished up and so did Xander.  "We'll be playing indecent games with crap music."

"Rap music," Vala corrected.

"I was correct the first time," he assured her, earning a laugh and a smile.  He walked off with Xander, taking him to the infirmary.  "Did you give him anything to put on those later?"

"I have liquid bandage on it," Xander told him patiently.

The doctor looked then got a small tube of cream.  "Use that.  Some woman on base has claws."

Xander looked at her nails then grinned.  "Manicures aren't all that needed.  Marine chicks, ya know?"  She blushed and walked off giggling since she was one of those.  He walked Radek off.  "So, just Grand Theft tonight?"

"We'll see what might get played."  He smirked once they were in the transporter.  Armand showed up right after them.  "Did we forget you?"

Xander picked him up with a groan.  "I thought you were going to worship Ronon's hair tonight, Armand."  He got nuzzled.  "Sure, we'll cuddle while Radek puts that stinky stuff on me."  Armand meeped at Radek, who let him sniff the cream.  Then he settled back in.  They took the second transporter and then up the flight of stairs after a glance in the office.  It was still okay.  Xander's room smelled like a brothel so he opened the windows for a bit.  Armand went to stare out one while Xander laid down on his stomach once the bed was changed.  Radek gently rubbed the cream on, earning a few moans and one quiet 'ow'.

"I will make sure his nails stay trimmed," Radek promised.

"Not like he usually gets to grope me, Radek."

"I know."  He kissed the back of his neck.  "I am sorry for my own contributions."

Xander grinned.  "I'm not."  Radek laughed, spanking him lightly.  Xander sat up and took another kiss.  "Want to play a game or *play a game*?" he asked with a teasing grin.

"Let us relax tonight.  I'm feeling disquieted by the spores."  Xander gave him a cuddle and it was nice.  They settled against the headboard to play a game and it was even better.  They fell asleep during it, Xander on his shoulder.

Armand looked over and carefully climbed in between them.  He loved the Radek friend.  He wanted to cuddle them both.  He also carefully removed the clicky things that they had been playing with.  No biting the cords this time because Daddy pouted.  They hit the footboard when he tossed them so that was good.  Xander shifted and Armand got trapped under his arm but against Radek's chest.  Right where he wanted to be!

***

Daniel walked into John's office the next morning.  "I couldn't get Xander or Radek up.  It looks like they fell asleep playing video games," he said quietly.

"I know.  They've done that before and none of us mind."

"I don't mind or care really but someone will probably try to say something.  They did in the past, John."

"I heard.  Those three play games all the time and I'm sure it's happened before."  He smiled.  "It's okay, Daniel.  We're not all that intolerant up here.  The wraith eat those ones faster."

"Eww."

"Sorry."  He smirked.  "Want to take Woolsey on his tour?"

"Sure."  He went to get him and take him out to Nila.  "Good morning, Nila."

"Good morning, Daniel.  Is Xander up yet?"

"No, he's still napping.  He's got Armand as a pillow right now."  She looked up there and smiled.  "He'll be down in about an hour probably.  He's got a game that's been going all night it looks like."

"That's very cute."  She followed them around, explaining things.  She was thrilled that Rodney was going to be putting a bathroom on her.  Woolsey just nodded and smiled at most of it.  He agreed a bathroom was a good idea too so he was clearly kind at the very least.

16: Sometimes You Can Tell, And Show

"Sir," one of the Marines said, walking into John's office.  John looked up at him, his pen being put down.  "Can I have a quiet administrative talk with you?"

"Sure."  John closed the doors.  "What's up?"  He leaned back.

"I know the spore thing created some strange...relationships for lack of a better word."  John nodded at that.  "The same as I know that Don't Ask, Don't Tell is in force for us.  But, some people do tell.  Or it's very obvious.  Some of the guys aren't real comfortable with that."

"Which one?"

"Harris."

"Harris isn't under DADT."

"Why not?"

"He's not military.  He's a civilian contractor."

"So are the scientists and they're not that flaming."

"A few are," he admitted.  "But Harris isn't like them either.  See, Harris... he ran into things that he shouldn't have."

"Oh, shit, they conscripted," he said, sitting down.

"Yeah, basically.  It was here or UNIT."

"Eww.  I'm sorry for the kid."

"Also, the kid, spent a hell of a lot of time traveling."

"We guessed at that part.  Especially with who brought him back to heal him after that one battle," he admitted.

"Xander informed General O'Neill when he went to sign him up that he was very bi, wasn't going to hide it, and will only hit on those he knows are appreciative or who need the torment to loosen up."

"Which we don't all mind, but today, he's been glowing and bouncy, and well...kinda disturbing.  A lot of guys are spreading rumors about who he was spored with."

"I don't want any talk about anyone on that matter."

"Some guys were comparing and they think that maybe...  Let's just say some guys are staring at Major Lorne a bit funny today, sir."

"Got names?"

"I'd hate to be beaten," he offered.  "I like Major Lorne, but it was clear what he got wasn't normal."

"Corporal, whoever he wants to sleep with, he's allowed.  If they're military, I'm not going to ask.  I don't want them to tell me.  I don't care who anyone on this project sleeps with as long as they're consenting adults or species."

"Okay," he said quietly.  "So those of us who're uncomfortable?"

"Most of us who're tolerant or who have gay friends, have long ago decided that that's your point of view and you're entitled to it.  But if you make someone miserable or cause problems then they're going to go diva on you.  Before you ask, yes I do know a number of gay pilots in the Air Force."

"Oh."  He considered that.  "So we should basically quit speculating?"

"I'd do that, yes."

"And the fact that Doctor Zelenka came down from the aerie this morning?"

"He and Xander were playing video games.  He, Evan Lorne, and Xander all get together to play video games."

"Really?"

"Yeah.  He even bought the hockey game so Jon Tyler-O'Neill could come play on his system."  He smiled.  "While it's speculation, I do not want anyone to go for confirmation."

"Do you think he'd let more of us play them on our downtime?" he asked.

"I think, and I have confirmation from Ellis, that he bought us our own system so no one would have to carry his tv down the stairs ever again."  The corporal grinned at that.  "Though, and I will stress this, I don't want to know if anything more is going on.  If they were spored together then what I said holds true.  I don't care who it was unless it was non-consensual."  He was frantically pushing back the memories he had of his time up there with them.  Before he started to grin in a goofy, got laid manner again.  It tended to freak out some of the Marines.

"I get that, sir."  He cleared his throat.  "Perhaps you should make note that we're a tolerant project?  I know a few are ...worried to put it nicely that they're going to be infected."

John grimaced.  "I can definitely point that out.  I can also point out that there's only twenty women on the base for over a hundred men.  I personally don't care what they get out of the closet, or what they do in their downtime as long as it's not *criminal*."

"That can be."

"No, it won't be.  Because I will not take any DADT complaints.  I don't care.  Woolsey won't take them either.  The same as Weir wouldn't have taken them.  We have enough shit on our plates out here with the wraith and the replicators to deal with people who're homophobes.  You can quote me if you like."

"I can understand that, sir.  So...if someone is?"

"Then as long as they're keeping it subtle and quiet, I'm good with that.  If I see a domestic argument in the mess hall, then we'd have problems.  From any sort of couple."

"Gotcha.  I think it would be a good idea if you made that point clear, sir."  He stood up.  "Personally I don't care if Major Lorne is all but singing and can't sit."

"Corporal, even if what you think happened did, what makes you think he was on the bottom?  I know he can't sit.  He slid down the stairs earlier.  He's got some wonderful bruises and Doctor Keller excused him from sitting duties for the next two days."

"Oh.  I didn't hear that gossip."

"That's fine.  I'll make that noted today."

"Thank you, sir."  He left once the doors opened.

John groaned, rubbing over his face.  He went to talk to Woolsey, who was writing a report.  "On Nila?"

"No.  On the spores in case they hit somewhere else."  John got his own and let him see it.  "General Landry wanted that sort of detail?"

"He said to make a blunt report."

"I guess that's reasonable."  He looked at him.  "Problems?"

"Some of the soldiers are going to complain about the spore happenings and who they ended up with."

He sighed.  "I don't care."

"My feeling was as long as it was consensual and a species that was compatible neither did I.  I wanted to warn you that someone may try to make complaints.  Especially about our video game trio."

Woolsey smiled.  "It's nice to see him bouncy for a good reason.  What happened to Major Lorne today?  He was fine then limping."

"He slid down some stairs."

"Ow.  Poor man."

"Bruised."

"Even worse.  I personally don't care."

"Good.  I'm going to make sure that is known and that I don't care as long as it's subtle.  I don't want to see any domestic arguments but I don't care.  It appears we may have gotten a few homophobes in the last trip as well," he said more quietly.

"The military is your job, Colonel.  Make sure you have someone to cover for them if you have to correct them too strongly."

"Thank you."  He smirked.  "I'll do that today during mandatory training time."  He left, going to put that note on everyone's calendar.  Though he had said no PT this week.  So he made it tomorrow.  That was the next week.  And only a few were going to be in practice.  He went to walk the halls and listen to the gossip.  He ran into Evan limping and paused by him.  "You may want to complain more loudly about that injury," he said in his ear.

"I've been complaining since I got out of the infirmary, sir.  I think it's highly unfair I'm the one who slipped and fell on my ass down those stairs with how many have run down them before."   He looked around then at him.  "Why?"

"DADT rumors," he said quietly.

"Fuckers."

"Yes, they think you are," he admitted.  "I don't care if you are."

"Thank you," he said with a small smile.

"Not a problem.  Don't make him go diva during a fight."

"Gotcha and not an issue."

"Good."  He walked off, hearing the complaining people in the gym.  For once, it wasn't the Marines.  It was the Army guys that had just been transferred in.  They still had to do sparring practice too.  How sweet.  He went to talk to Ronon about that problem.  He could scowl anyone into fleeing for their lives, but Xander.  Then he went to talk to Teyla.  Then Faith because she was the youngest woman on base and the most vulnerable to that sort of issue.  He found her in the weight and equipment gym hanging up the heavy bag and walked her off.  "There's been thoughts by some of the new guys that they have the right to say how things go, no matter who might think that," he told her quietly.  "If you have *any* problems, you do not take shit, you tell me.  Even if you have to kick their ass and then call me.  Got it?" he told her.

"Sure," she agreed.  "I did that earlier and handed him to the nurse for pinching my ass.  That's why I'm putting back up the heavy bag."  She smiled.

"Good.  I want to know anyone who does that but I'll be correcting some assumptions tomorrow.  During sparring, and no you're not immune to that practice time.  At least twice a week, Faith.  Me, Xander, Ronon, Teyla, whoever."

"Got it."

"Good."  He smiled.  "Who?"

"One of the dweeby Rangers."

"I'll go find out.  Let me know.  Make sure the other women know to let me know.  Some of the scientists aren't all that tough bitch like you are."

She nodded.  "I can help there too probably."

He grinned.  "Thanks."  He walked off, going to the infirmary.  "Which dweeby Ranger got it for trying to pinch Faith?"  The nurse handed over the folder.  He read it and smiled.  "Thank you.  We're sparring tomorrow."

"I'll make sure we have more bandages out."

He walked off to find that person.  He was off duty but easily found complaining to the other Rangers.  "Let's talk," he said, walking him off by force.

"Why?"

"Because the women on this base are here to do a job, the same as you are, and they're not here to get a date, or a boyfriend, and sure as hell won't put up with any disrespect.  No one will."  He walked him up to Woolsey's office and shoved him inside then walked in and closed the door.

***

Xander walked into the gym.  "Yeah, Colonel?"

"It's time for sparring.  Some of these guys still need tested.  You and Cam do them?"

"I can do that," he promised, taking off his shirt to put it aside.  "Sticks or hand-to-hand?"

"You're weaker in hand-to-hand.  If they beat you, send them at Ronon."  Xander nodded and walked his newbies off.  John had specially separated them.   They were about to meet one of the toughest gay men in existence.  Pity about their asses being handed to them.  He worked over his crew.  Ronon made a few of his cry.  So did Teyla.  So did Cam.  Xander was making them sorry for their birth's today.  At least until one of them started to get pissed that he was being beaten by a gay man and shouted that he was cheating because no fag would ever be able to beat him.  Then he pulled a gun.  Cam was closer but Teyla had a knife that she threw to try to disarm him.  Cam tackled him just after the knife hit.  The gun still went off and Xander yelped but held his side.

Xander put pressure on it, not looking pleased.  "Get off him.  If he thinks he can beat me, let him up, Cam.  Now."  Cam knew that tone of voice.  That wasn't Xander.  That was Tias Diamalan, the time traveler.  John almost winced as he walked over.  "No, back," he ordered.  "Him and his little pack, if they think they can beat me, let them.  Clearly their view of their skills is highly overrated."  The man on the floor growled and came at him without his gun.  Xander hit him then spun kicked him into a wall, making him slide down it whimpering at his newly broke jaw.  "Any of the rest of you?" he asked that pack.  They backed up.

"Please calm down," Cam said calmly.  "Please, Xander?  Let us look at the wound?  It's bleeding."

"It's fine," he said firmly, staring at him.  Then at the idiot.  "Well?  You still think you can handle it?  C'mon."  The guy started to cry, shaking his head.  He looked at the others.  "Which one of you thinks the same way?"  One rushed him, he had picked up one of the dropped Bantos sticks.  Xander blocked his hit with it, broke his wrist to disarm him, then used the stick on his back to knock him into his buddy on the floor.  The stick cracked over his back and even Ronon had to wince at that.  He looked at it and tossed it aside.

"C'mon, you thought you could take it.  Own up to it or shut the fuck up.  Because no one here wants to hear your shit.  You might want to fuck gorillas or horses or whatever; we don't care.  No one on this base cares.  For that matter, the universal truth of the universe is that they don't care who you fuck as long as it's consensual, done for a power relationship, or it's really fun."  He stared them down, walking over there.  "Now, are you done with your girlish hissy fits?   Because I know some teenage girls you just put to shame."

The one with the newest injuries got up and Xander beat him a little bit.  Enough to make him remember it.  Then he knocked him down again.  He stared down at him.  "Got some more?"  He was sobbing in pain over his wrist, which he had landed on.  Someone tried to attack Xander from the back.  They went crunch into the wall.  Xander just stared at them then turned around.  "Not very sporting."

"Shit," Cam muttered.  He stepped in front of Xander.  "Enough."  Xander stared at him.  "I need to look at your injury, Xander.  It's bleeding a lot and I'm going to start hissing in sympathy."

"Huh?"

"The wound," he said, putting a hand over it.  "It's bleeding.  Heavily."

"It's fine.  I can't really feel it."

"Xander, that's battle rage," John said, moving closer.  "Remember, that's not a nice thing in sparring."  He looked at the wound.  "That does look like it needs stitches.  C'mon, I'll walk you down there."

Xander stared at him.  "Why give them to me?" he asked too calmly.

"Because I thought you should correct their assumptions on what you can do since they've been calling you weak all day," he said honestly.  "That's your right and only you could do that, even if I lectured."

Xander nodded.  "I appreciate that."  He looked at his hands.  "Who's bleeding?"

"You are," Cam said.  He looked around.  "Get me a fucking bandage!" he snapped.  "Don't just stand there!"

"I'm okay.  I've probably had worse," Xander said with a small shrug and a wince.  "Ow."  He looked down.  "I've had worse."

"I don't care!" Cam told him.  "You still got shot!"  He took the bandage and put it over the injury.  Doctor Keller ran in.  "Thank you, whoever called her.  Doc, he was shot in the side."

She looked.  "Walk him to the infirmary.  What happened to them."

"The one with the broken jaw shot him," John told her.  "The one holding his wrist and crying tried to stick up for the first's gay bashing ways.  By then Xander was down and the third attacked him from behind."

"Fine.  Walk him down there."  John nodded.  "Ronon, make them do something useful since they're standing there stupidly.

Ronon touched the nearest one's comm earpiece.  "McKay to the gym," he ordered.  "For lecture duty."  He let it go with a smirk for her at her laugh.  Rodney stomped in.  "Xander was given the group of Army people who thought they were better than a gay man.  Xander lost his temper after being shot in the side.  These ones mostly stared in horror."

Rodney glared and most of the smart ones backed up.  The rest....well, not even reports would do that tirade justice.  By the time his throat was sore, Xander would be well onto healing.

***

Landry looked at the people in his office a few days after those Rangers had been sent back as defective.  "Okay," he said bluntly to stop the glaring.  "Colonel Sheppard, what the hell happened?"

"It was brought to my attention that some of the last set of people we were sent were disturbed that the spores had made some people find a way to deal with the gender imbalance on base.  Those same people went after Civilian Specialist Harris's reputation and tried to get him written up on charges.  Since he was the majority of the complaints by the gay bashing Rangers, I decided some sparring time was in order."

John tweaked his formal uniform jacket some.  "As you know, Civilian Specialist Harris is very well trained in self defense.  I thought it would be beneficial to show them exactly how competent he was so their problematic thoughts could be fixed.  Perhaps it was a bit mean," he added when the Army general opened his mouth.  "But I find it works well on the Marines who have such minor issues at the start.  It was going well, and Xander probably had a good idea why he had gotten that group since some of them had been spreading rumors all day about him, when one was dissatisfied that Civilian Specialist Harris beat him in a hand-to-hand match."

Landry nodded.  "How dissatisfied did he become?"

"He pulled out his sidearm and shot at Xander.  Also, he is a crap shot.  I thought Rangers were supposed to be better shots but he only hit him on the side."  He tossed over that medical report.  "As some people know, Harris does have a battle rage issue."

"I've seen that in the past," Landry agreed.

"This time, the same as last time was set off by a graze, he lost it.  Rightly so in my opinion.  That one he challenged to do it again.  Bleeding heavily I might add.  He then kicked him and broke his jaw during their next match.  One of his friends attacked with a single bantos stick that had been dropped when people rushed to stop the problem Ranger.  He got it taken from him, which was from his wrist being broken during the disarming process.  Then he got tossed at his buddy."

John shifted.  "The third decided to attack Civilian Specialist Harris from behind while he was talking down to the first two.  He got a very nice shoulder throw into the wall which made him fracture his skull and broke the guy's shoulder upon impact."  Landry winced.  He handed over the DVD.  "The tape from the gym, General."

Landry put it on his system, letting them all see what had happened.  The Army general winced at the shot, and then moaned at Xander's later conduct.  Landry looked at that general, who outranked him admittedly.  "Yes, he's the same one who got a medal for going into that same stage and killing a few other enemies with a sword," he said quietly.

"Battle axe, sir," John corrected.  "Colonel Mitchell's report said he used a battle axe."

The Army general looked at him. "Why did he have one of those on a mission?" he demanded.

"Because he favors them," John said honestly.  "That one has been with him in a lot of battles.  It's like a good luck charm of sorts."

"So he's like one of those ancient berserkers you hear stories about?"

"It's under better control since that earlier fight," John told him.  "We've had him take some specialist training from some people who could help him be more reasonable than just lost during it, sir.  I was there during it.  So was Colonel Mitchell.  He's now much harder to get into that state and much more clear minded during it.  In that earlier fight, as you saw, he attacked some of his teammates trying to get him down."

"I see."  He considered it.  "What position does he play in this organization of yours, Landry?"

"He's actually a wonderful linguist, General Hawthorne.  He knows many languages, brought in some exceptional knowledge beyond that, and he's been a credit to the base since he got here.  He's also got a strong inclination toward strange botany."

"That spore I heard about?"

"No, that was found by another team.  Harris tends to like things that like to kill people."

"I see."  He considered it.  "I could use a person like that."

"With all due respect, sir, he won't work for anyone but us," John told him.  "He's had others use him for his skills and he's very exhausted from it.  He's got severe battle fatigue now."  The general moaned at that.  "That's why mostly what he does now is translate things.  There's very few military people he trusts.  He's still not sure if he's mad at me for giving him that group."

"Hmm.  So he's of use here?"

"He's of great use here," Landry assured him.  "We send him on digs for his linguistics skills.  He's wonderful backup on his team.  He's got field medic skills that have helped us keep allies."

"Even some we're not really allies with respect him," John added.

"I know about your project, Colonel."

"Xander has been instrumental in bringing us at least ten new treaties and making the Genii leave us alone for a bit, sir.  They all think he's scary but nice and efficient because he saved a few during a wraith attack.  Earlier he had taken care of some of their injuries, which gave him access to check for concealed weapons."

"Interesting method."

"Xander's so well liked that some planets want to keep him," Landry told him.

"I would like to see how he did with real training."

"Um, no," John said, sighing at the end.  "I'm sorry, General, but Xander will disappear before it ever comes to that."

"With his status...." he started.

John held up a hand.  "He's had the experience of Sunnydale, General.  He was on the team that took down the Initiative."  The general gave him a horrified look.  "That same Harris, yes.  He will not work for anyone in the military but us.  He's assured us of it and he has escape plans if necessary."  The general opened his mouth.  "Sir, Xander was alone for a long time, that same time that caused the battle fatigue.  He doesn't really respect the rest of the military because he knows that they can be ordered to start a similar project at any time.  He might respect the guys he's on a team with, maybe, if they're good at things and don't pick on him or anything.  He does not respect the higher ups for letting that go that far."

"He can't choose," he sneered.

"He can choose," Xander said from behind him.

"You brought him, Colonel?" he asked dryly.

"No."  Xander teleported across the room, making the General flinch.  "He didn't."  He stared at him.  "No, you're not getting me.  I don't give a fuck how much you want me, how wet you are to get me under your yoke, or how much you think I can go kill people for you.  No.  Right now, I'm about an inch from leaving this whole damned country behind.  I have other offers.  I have enough money in the bank to set myself up nicely anywhere I want.  And they won't know who I am.  If you try to make me, I'll send my friends here postcards."

"You're in the military.  That means you signed up, Harris."

"No, I got conscripted for my language skills," he said dryly.  "I'm under contract with the SGC, not with the military.  I'm a civilian specialist.  Not military."

"I can correct that."

"No you can't because I won't hide my flaming bi nature any longer," he said bluntly.  "O'Neill knew that."

"We all agree that it's better for him to be himself since he is a civilian and he's always acted appropriately toward those who are straight," Landry assured him.

"Not that I care about anyone's whiny assed opinion about where my dick goes," Xander finished dryly, staring him down.  "Sir, I have the knowledge now to bring down *your* people as well as these people and the IOA.  Do you really want to send me into crisis and apocalypse mode?  Considering what I pulled the last time?"  The general shuddered.  "I'm sorry as hell your boys never learned how to suck it up and accept people as different.  Apparently someone did something wrong to make them bigots.  Maybe it was your people, maybe it was their parents, no clue.  Don't care."  He shrugged.  "I really don't care about any of you.  For all I care, I can go build a nuclear weapon right now."  He smiled sweetly.  "I did learn how."

"How..." he spluttered.

Xander shrugged but was grinning.  "I don't care.  I can save my plants, my pet, and me.  I can hatch a plan to save up to twelve people.  Or more if I just do it down here and then leave Atlantis alone."  The general shuddered.  "You're trying to put me into a corner and I don't like it.  I do have claws.  I do bite.  And I'm not going on any special black ops missions.  Never.   So get over it and find someone else to lust after."

"You injured my men."

"One shot me!" he sneered.  "He's damn lucky he's such a shitty shot.  I thought you guys were trained better than that.  Goddess knows the Marines and Air Force guys are.  Hell, even our science geeks can hit a target better than your people!"  The general got up and stomped out.  "Good!  Leave my ass alone!  I'm where I want to be and I will bite next time!" he shouted after him.  He kicked the door shut, looking at John.  "Yes, I'm still pissed at you."

"I thought you wouldn't mind, Xander.  You usually don't."

"I was in a good mood that day."

"I know."  He pulled him closer to hug him.  "I'm sorry."

"It's all right, I guess.  Next time, warn me."

"I thought I had."  He smiled.  "Please?" he asked quietly.

Xander nodded.  "Nila would kill you all if I left," he sighed.  He sat down in the empty chair, looking at his general.  "Do I have to go kill him now?"

"I really would rather you not," he admitted.

"Fine."  He picked up the phone and called someone.  "It's Xander."  He smiled.  "Nice to hear you too, sweetie.  No, some Army bigwig just tried grab me from here.  Hawthorne?"  He smirked.  "I thought you might know it.  Yeah, wanted me to black ops after I trashed some gay bashers.  No thank you.  Thanks, man."  He hung up, seeing the curious looks.  "One of the guys helping Buffy in Sunnydale who used to be Army."

"Ah," Landry said.  "What can he do?"

"His last name is Perkins."

"As in Admiral?" Landry sighed.

"As in Admiral, his godfather's the Joint Chief, two other uncles are high up....  And one's a weapon's designer," he finished with a grin.

"Okay," Landry said, sending that film from the gym to that Admiral.  With a note saying he'd probably need it after he talked to his son in Sunnydale.  He got back a grouse ten minutes later and smiled.  "Yes, his son did call immediately.  His son also told him why he couldn't steal you for black ops work either.  He's agreed, they weren't any good and Ranger standards have fallen drastically."  His red phone rang and he sighed.  "Damn it."  He picked it up.  "Yes, sir?"  He listened and nodded a few times.  "Yes, sir.  That is what happened.  Gay bashers, yes sir.  They shot him, sir.  Of course he took them on.  Yes, sir, the same one with the battle axe, sir."  He sighed.  "Of course, sir.  When?  Of course I can have him there."  He looked at Xander's clothes.  "He's not very appropriately dressed, sir.  Yes, sir, within the hour, sir."

Xander sighed and stood up.  "Be right there."  He disappeared, landing in the Oval Office.  "Sir, you wanted to see me?"  He threw the Secret Service guard that tried to pounce him.  "Shitty form, dude."

The president looked him over.  "Hank, was he wearing leather pants and a t-shirt?"  He nodded.  "Thank you.  Yes, please do forward that directly to me."  He hung up the red phone.  "Harris?"

"Yes, sir."

"You don't salute?"

"I'm not military and I didn't vote for you," he said bluntly.  He looked at the other guard inching his way.  "Sit!" he ordered and the guy sat.   He looked at the President once the guard realized he had done that.  "So, you wanted to chat about me beating the gay bashers, sir?"

"I did, Mr. Harris."  He stared at him.  "We do have a policy in place."

"Sir, I don't care and I'm not military."

"You're on a military base."

"I've been on plenty of military bases, Mr. President, and I'm not going to hide who I am.  I don't hit on the stupid ones like them.  Anything I do recreationally is nothing but subtle."

"I've heard you have two special friends?"

"No, I have two people I play video games with after hours."  The president moaned.  "Which was their problem.  Frankly, their problem became mine when one of them shot at me.  Then yes, the same thing that happened with that battle axe, happened again."

"Are you even sorry?  You could have killed them."

"That one that shot me could've killed me and I'm a hell of a lot more useful than another grunt who can't even hit a target less than a hundred feet from him."

"You're sounding like McKay," he complained.

"I like and respect Rodney.  I have since I met him.  He respects me back.  I find that fairly rare among today's people and especially among the military.  I don't care if you don't like me but I do expect respect for what I've done, what I've been through, and how badly I can fuck people up when they piss me off."

"Was that a threat?" the guard on the ground asked as he stood up.  He had his smaller gun from his ankle holster in his hand.  It was more subtle and easier to hide until he needed it.

"No, it's a statement of fact since I'm dealing with the IOA idiots who think they own me," he said dryly.  He looked at him.  "You're a bit dusty."  He helped him dust off then smiled.  "I'm perfectly nice, sociable, get along well with others most of the time, until you disrespect me or you try to hurt me.  After all, I saw plenty of that in Sunnydale," he told the president.

"I forgot you were from there," he said.  The file was transferred in and he got into it. Watching it silently.  He did wince at the shot.  "We apparently coddle you, Harris."  He turned it off.  "You have a special office?"

"No, I have an office I magically expanded."

"Magic?" he snorted.

"Did it look like I beamed in, sir?"

The president gaped.  "You can't be serious."  Xander teleported back against the walls.  "How in the hell did you do that!" he shouted.

"I told you that," he said, walking back.  "That's also how I got here."  He stared at him.  "So, no, that's not a perk.  I expanded my office so I had all my books.  I expanded my bedroom so I had a bed I could actually sleep on.  The only perk I get is my pet.  Though he's useful when I go on diplomatic missions because most everyone likes him."

The president stared.  "Pet?" he sneered.  Xander pulled out a wallet and showed him a picture.  "What is that?  A mutant iguana?"

"No, he's a baby dragon."  He smirked and put it back.  "The wraith are scared to death of him as well, and the kids like him on diplomatic missions.  It puts their parents at ease to see that we keep pets and we're decent people.  The same as me treating field injuries does."

"I suppose that's useful," he decided.  "I should throw you in the brig."

"Then I'd leave, take all my experience and knowledge with me, move somewhere nicer to me, and set up shop there without letting the locals know a thing."  He stared at him.  "I have an open invitation to my apartment in Cardiff.  Or my one in London."  The president gaped.  "And if I get really bored, well, there's more things I can translate with the money I have to travel to them."  He shrugged.  "Plus no one there will mind a bit about who I flirt with when I'm off duty.  Or even who I play video games with."

The president sneered.  "You can't do that."

"You won't find me to bring me back," he said dryly.  "And there's other places I can work with, including UNIT.   Watch me go to Doctor Jones.  She's an old friend."

The president swallowed.  "Your file doesn't state that, Harris."

"Why would it?"

"It should," he sneered.

"No, it shouldn't.  The same as you shouldn't know.  Because I don't want you to know."  He smirked.  "Though I will say, that at least O'Neill and Landry run an operation that I could have seen myself running in any of the battles I've been in."  Jack was let in.  "Hi."  He looked at the president again.  "They shot me.  That makes me the victim.  Why are you yelling at me for their stupidity?"

"You nearly killed two of them," he said firmly.

"Did I make them attack me?  No.  Did I make that one shoot me?  No.  That's their own choices.  It's pitiful that personal responsibility has left this country.  I didn't ask to be shot.  I may have dared them but they knew I was going to kick their asses and they did it anyway.  Then they whined like teenage girls.  They got what they deserved."

"One may not be fully capable of resuming duty."

"He attacked me from behind, sir.  What would *your* people do?"

Jack coughed.  "After a review of the footage, NCIS and CID both agreed that no charges should be brought, sir.  JAG was also consulted and said that they'd only charge the people who attacked him, especially the one who shot him.  That Xander was in no way at fault, even if they were sent to him to be broken because they were gay bashing and he's known to be bisexual."

"Any port in a storm?" the president sneered.

"No, I like personality," Xander sneered back.  "Funny, sweet, caring, likes oral sex."  He shrugged.  "They're hard to find these days."

The president looked at them.  "I can change my mind about Lehane's placement."

"I'd like to see you get cops up there to arrest her," Xander said dryly.  "Since they'd have to go through the stargate and it's classified."  He stared him down.  "And for that matter, I can take her with me."

"Did you know he had escape plans, O'Neill?" the president asked him.

"Of course he does.  He's generaled in at least six different wars and operated in at least ten others.  If he didn't, I'd be looking for suicidal thoughts."  He looked at Xander.  "I saw that nice apartment in London."

Xander grinned.  "Thank you.  I thought it'd be a nice place to stay for a while."

"Definitely nice.  Killer bathroom, kid."

"I like water."

"I know."  He patted him on the back.  "Calm down. "

"I am calm.  I just hate people trying to back me into a corner."  He stared at the president.  "It's up to you, sir.  I can easily go out half the IOA as being part of a secret society that believes in demon hunting.  Especially since they'd like to kill me."

The president moaned.  "That would endanger your project when they asked what the IOA was."

Xander shrugged.  "That's not my issue.  For that matter, I don't even have to mention the IOA to do it."

"Xander, please," Jack said quietly.

"No.  I'm tired of being the bitch here.  This bitch bites when he's attacked.  Or backed into a corner.  Or being put down.  I put up with enough of this shit from my family and friends.  I'll be damned now.  And if I have to go into diva mode, so be it," he told the agent moving closer to him.  "I'm not even armed, junior."

"I'm older than you, sir."

"I've spent over seven thousand years alive.  You're barely an ovum."  The guard winced.  "So back the fuck off."  He did that.  He looked at the president again.  "At least you're surrounded by cute guard dogs."

The president smirked.  "I hate you."

"I don't care.  Why would I care?"

"There's a senator that wants to destroy your project."

"Yeah and I've had enough of him too.  Pity about his mistress going to the press today."  The president gaped.  Xander stared back.  He took the remote control from the desk and turned it to a local news station.  "I told her to go to a non-frustrated news person who could use the hugest story ever.  She thinks this weatherman is cute.  It should be soon since she's not a morning person."

She walked up to where one was doing his hourly weather report and tapped him on the shoulder.  "My lover is disrespecting me and he's a senator.  I like your anchors so I'll talk to you," she said smoothly then smiled.

"Why come out now?" he asked, putting the microphone in her face.

"Because he's being an ass, taking bribes from certain secret society sorts, and then he decided to try to screw my fifteen-year-old maid."

The weather person smiled.  "What's his name?"

"Kinsey.  Senator Kinsey."  She smiled at the camera.  "I won't be disrespected by something so close to a creature that crawled from the ooze."

He nodded.  "I can fully understand that," he promised her.  "No one should ever treat their girlfriend, mistress, or wife that way."

She beamed.  "I knew I liked you for a reason."  She pinched him on the cheek.  "You have morals."  She put his arm through his.  "I have notes from him in the car, film and tapes he's sent me of disgusting things, and some things marked classified that he showed me and kept in my office that I'm not supposed to see."

The president made a call quickly while the secret service guys did the same through their communication person.

Xander smiled at Jack.  "Five hundred thou," he said quietly.  "Plus she'll get to keep or sell the house he bought her, the Jaguar, and the jewelry."

"Not a bad bargain," he agreed.  "Is she?"  Xander smirked and nodded.  "The classified stuff?"

"No clue, didn't know about it."  He turned off the tv when cars with lights in the front windshield showed up.  Then he put the remote on the desk.  He smiled at the president. "She mentioned someone named Miss Betty I should also meet in town.  That she might like the same sort of deal.  She said something about the VP."  He shrugged and looked at Jack.  "I need chocolate."

"You need less sweets, not more, Xander."

"I'm having a good day.  I found the rest of my ex's private journals and decoded them.  He moped for ten years about me and it kept him from ascending for a time."

Jack gave him a pat on the back.  "I love it when you get evil on your ex's.  How are the plants doing?"

"Ooh, you didn't hear?"  He pulled out his wallet to open to the new picture.  "That's Wednesday and Pugsley.  He's more like his daddy and she's got her momma's vines but her daddy's teeth."

"S'cute," he said with a grin back.  "Are they both man eaters?"

"Yeah.  Wednesday's got little flytrap like mouths on her vines instead of suckers.  Pugsley's got a few vines at his base and a slimmer head.  He's too young to smoke though."

"No Pubert yet?" he asked with a smile.

Xander flipped pictures.  "Yup.  The one in Botany on the base sprouted him.  He's bright green due to the food they've been feeding him."  He let Jack take it to look at.

"Definitely his momma's tentacles," he agreed.  He handed it back, letting him put it up.  "How's Armand?"

"He's good.  He's got scale itch from the spores.  He's done nothing but soak for the past three days."

"Poor guy."

"I need to have him expand and scrub him in the main showers again.  I will but I'll have to make sure the spores don't spread."

"Please.  Last time was bad enough."

"Did they get it from Jack?"

"We have.  Dawn was pouting because it didn't give her any special lusts."

"She's too young."

"She's getting close to sixteen."

"I know.  She's still too young and I expect Jack to at least taze anyone who tries to get panty points with her."

"I think that's Ianto's job," he admitted.

"Maybe, but he is nice."

"Very."  He patted him again, giving him a direct order look.  Xander grimaced but almost shrugged, getting a smile back.  He could quit showing his ass now.  He looked at the president.  "So, sir," Jack said.  "Is there a problem with him and the Army?"

"No," he decided.  "No more beating up on people, Harris."

"I'm on to train some of the newbies, sir.  How else are they going to learn and if I'm the toughest thing they run up against, good for them."  The president grimaced.  "I don't drop into that state every day.  I'm actually quite well trained to defend myself and others.  If I can make sure that they live through their tour of Atlantis, wonderful.  The same as Ronon does.  I'm not as tough to beat up as a wraith usually.  They need the skills but I won't put up with bitchiness.

"You want to be a bitch, I know a place where you can rent the dog costume and all that.  For that matter, earlier in the day, one of them had made it to the infirmary for pinching one of the female civilians when she didn't want him to."  The president groaned, shaking his head as he leaned back in his special chair.  "The Marines don't do that.  The Air Force guys don't do that.  The Army had better not do that because some of the females can't fight for themselves and I will.  Or Ronon will or Colonel Sheppard will.  Or even Rodney McKay will.  He chewed them a new one for us that day for at least two hours."

"So I heard," he admitted dryly.  "Are you content to stay there?"

"For now."

"Good.  O'Neill, can you make sure he's not going to be in any danger that might make him drop into that state again?"

"Not unless I lock him in a lab and half the linguists on base decide to do more of their own work, sir.  A few have tried to poison him when he protested them sloughing their work off on him and Doctor Jackson.  Fortunately he's immune to a lot of them."

"Can't you straighten them out?"

"We did.  We fired the whole damn lot of 'em."  He shrugged.  "There's still some dissatisfied people no matter what you do."

"A lot of them don't have personal responsibility either," Xander told him.  "It's epidemic I think.  If I fuck up, I take responsibility.  If they do, they whine and make excuses.  Then they try to hurt my pet or my plants or my books.  Which means I get to bite."

"Yes you do," Jack agreed.  "That's part of his contract, sir."

"Fine."  He waved a hand.  "Do whatever you did to get here and go.  I'll tell the head of the Army it's his own people's fault."

"It was," Xander pointed out.  "Even middle school kids know not to go at the really pissed off kid that just trashed another one.  Or to bring guns to gym class."

"Good point," one of the agents muttered.  Xander grinned at him.  "You're very forceful."

"Son, I fought Nazis, other aliens on their worlds during civil wars, in our civil war, a few wars in Rome, and a bunch of other times.  Yeah, I'm this way now."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "But I'm nice if you don't fuck with me.  People forget all about all that most of the time until they fuck with me and then they remember the really bad things and decide that I'm not the nice, sweet, fluffy sort that I usually am.  For the next month, everyone on Atlantis is going to be *real* nice to me just in case my temper comes back.  Even though it's not likely.  The same as I'm very good at what I do and when I have to do the bad things to protect others; sometimes people flinch for weeks because they don't understand that.  Most agents do."

"I do," he agreed.  "Work is one thing and if you have to fire in the line of duty, then you have to without hesitation and you'd better be the best you can be at it."

"Exactly," Xander agreed.  "While I'm a linguist most of the time, sometimes I have to go into the field and fire in the line of duty.  These guys, they fired on me first."  He shrugged. "Literally."

"I get that," he agreed.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem."

"I meant for that service."

"I'm a white knight, kid.  I can't see people suffering without stepping in.  Or a fight for a good reason without helping."

"I understand that urge fully, sir.  My brother is one and he's in Iraq."

"Then I hope he's okay and he comes home mentally and physically okay as well."  He shook the other agent's hand.  "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, sir."

"Good.  I didn't want to hurt you and I know it's your job, but I can't take people grabbing me anymore."  He looked at Jack.  "Beaming or blipping?"

"Beaming.  Blipping isn't safe."  He beamed them back to his office to chew him a new one in private then took him back to the mountain.  "Senator Kinsey's mistress is on tv," he announced once they landed.

John cackled, coming back in with a salute and a grin.  "I saw that.  How much?" he asked Xander.

"Five hundred thou and it meant she could keep everything he got her."

"The classified stuff?" Jack asked.

"No clue.  Honestly no clue.  Ask whichever agency got to her first."  The vision hit and he moaned, holding his forehead.

"Shit, Xander," John said, making him sit down and rubbing his shoulder until he could refocus.  "Something bad?"

"The FBI agent who got there first is going to be fired because someone's going to overreact.  He had personal files on you guys and the IOA."  He blinked a few times, wiping the tears off his cheeks.  "I hate those."  He gave John a weak smile.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  What's with the FBI guy?"

"If he's fired, he's going to become vindictive and he's seen enough to start researching as a private person.  When Travers, the watcher moron, hears somehow he'll have him killed and all that will be outed by his partner.  It'll be like Mulder and Scully went public with proof."

"Walter, get Harris some soda please," Landry called.  He picked up the red phone to tell him what he had heard.  That way he could stop it.  "Will he not out it?"

"No clue," Xander admitted.  "Talk to the man."

"I can do that," Jack agreed.  "Whose did he see?"

"Yours, Anise?  Two of the lesser IOA and Woolsey's.  Travers'."

"I'll go," Jack promised.  Walter brought in a cup of soda.  "Thank you, Walter."

"Not a problem, sir."  He left again.  He had no idea why Xander had that pinched, headache look on his face.  He stepped back in a few minutes later.  "The mess is wanting to know if they can prepare for a party later since the main bane of the base is now in ruins, sir," he told Landry.

"I think it'd be rude," he said dryly.  "Keep all parties private, Walter."

"Yes, sir."  He walked back to his seat to call and tell them that.  Then to start the gossip chain.

Jack beamed back to DC, getting the identity from his 'secretary'.  Who was former Initiative and decent even with that black mark on his soul.  He drove over there, getting out and walking up to the agent's door, knocking on it.  The disgruntled agent glared when he opened the door.  "Agent Peers, General Jack O'Neill."  The man gaped.  "I need to talk to you about those folders."

"Why?" he demanded.

"Let me in and I'll tell you."

"You can tell me out here," he said firmly.

"What did you see of mine, Agent Peers?"

"Enough to know that the government is keeping secrets."

"Quite a few," he agreed.  "Do you really want to see people become paranoid about it?"  Peers let him in and he let him ask questions.  Within reason.  This man could be very dangerous to them.  He did tell him gleefully about Travers.  He hated the council.  Just as much as Xander did.  He hated to deal with IOA asshole Travers on anything.  So that, that was sweet.  The man mentioned a battle and he sighed, nodding to agree it had happened.  The man slumped down in his seat, drinking from a bottle of beer.

They talked about why he couldn't out the project.  Humanity wasn't ready yet and they couldn't do what they needed to do, yet, if they were more open.  Someday but not today.  Probably in their lifetimes though.  He did pass on a warning about Travers being vicious enough to have him taken out then he left, leaving him to sulk and do more background work on that.  Buffy wouldn't mind if the Council was brought down, right?

***

Buffy looked at the tv her mom was watching.  "Hey, um, Mom?" she called since Joyce was getting a snack.  "First a senator and somehow that led back to the Council."  She called Giles.  "Turn on CNN right now, Giles.  Because they're profiling the abuses of the Watchers Council."  He choked and dropped the phone while rushing for his tv.  She could hear it come on.  They both watched it and sighed.  She hung up and called the tip line.  "Listen," she said.  "Some of their work was necessary.  I know that for a fact.  I'm not one but I'm kinda one of their charges.  Yeah, the head people suck for many and varied reasons, but not all of them are bad.  Some of them were actually fired for being good."  She hung up and leaned back.  This was horrible!

***

Xander came out of the stargate with John, shaking his head.  "And still, no applause for us."

"What took you so long?" Woolsey demanded.  "Armand has bene moping around McKay for days."

Xander grimaced.  "We kinda got called into a Senate hearing after Kinsey's mistress outed him.  Then the FBI agent that confiscated the classified files he had, including yours, somehow got slightly outed on the Watchers front.  Congress was not pleased with Sunnydale or the Council."  Woolsey gaped, looking ready to cry.  "You weren't outed.  The IOA wasn't outed.  The Council is... well, deep shit is putting it mildly.  Buffy was *so* pissed.  She had to save some reporter that followed her on patrol and everything."

Woolsey whimpered.  "Why?" he asked.

"It got Kinsey out of our panties," he said.  "I had no idea he had classified files."

Woolsey sighed, shaking his head.  "What is the IOA doing?"

"Mostly cowering," John told him.  "It's fine, Woolsey.  They focused on the Council.  Anyone who needed to know about you guys does."

"Good point."  He went to find something for his stomach.  He hated this point in his life.  "Harris, Nila has been pouting for days as well," he called as he walked off.

"Going," he promised.  "Nila, I'm back," he called, bringing Armand running and leaping at him.  "Oof, heavy ass dragon," he complained, cuddling him.  "I should've brought you with me.  Buffy could've petted you for days."  He walked out to Nila, finding her pouting at him.  "Don't do that.  I had to free some of the pressure off the program."

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"Because the guy was trying to climb into our panties with us and it wasn't comfy with them trying to claim top."  She gave him a confused look then accessed his files to find the meaning.  She burst out giggling, patting them both on the head.  "I'm glad to be back."

"I'm glad you're back too.  Some grumpy female scientist tried to board me and I just would not have it.  She was rude."

"I'm sure she was.  Did anyone tell you who she was?"

"Carter something."

"Sam?"  She nodded.  "She's part of Cam's team and the top scientist on the main base right now.  I can introduce you formally if you want."

"She didn't listen to me.  Acted like I wasn't here."

"She's not always aware of what's around her.  Like Rodney when he's walking, eating, and mumbling over whatever he's reading."

"Oh, that.  I still don't like her.  Can't I keep Rodney and Miko?"

"That's between you guys and John."

"I'll ask him then."  She smiled and appeared to him in the office, ignoring the ranting woman.  "Can't I keep Miko as mine?  I like her.  She treats me well and very courteously."

"She does, and I like that about her," John promised with a smile.  "But Rodney might need her."

"I won't be leaving for a while so would that be a problem?  I like Xander's family.  They respect me."

He nodded.  "I know.  You're going to be seeing a lot of them during the retrofitting.  Has Rodney gone over his ideas with you?"

"Yes and I'm quite pleased.  He's giving me a wonderful bathroom," she said happily.  "It was very odd seeing them taking breathing equipment to the pier to pee into space through a minor break in the shield created at the end of a funnel."

"I'm sure it was," he agreed.  "It would've freaked me out a lot."

"I understand that saying," she said proudly.  "Was the bad person defeated?"

"Oh, so defeated and some others too.  That's what made us late.  His downfall led to others."

"It usually does.  People with power gather people around to kiss their hiney's."

"Who taught you that?" he asked with a smirk.

"Radek.  He's very good at explaining.  Faith said it first though."

"That sounded just like her.  We'll see what we can do.  Now, have you met Colonel Sam Carter yet?"

"I have and she was rude.  She acted like I was only a hologram."  She disappeared.

John looked at her.  "Nila is very sensitive, Sam.  She's been alone for a long time.  We all respect Nila, and treat her with respect," he said firmly.  "Xander and Rodney both pat her now and then too.  She's very sentient."

"She's a program!"

"Actually, she's a merge of five programs," Rodney said as he walked in.  "Senate hearings?"

"The Watchers Council fell from Kinsey's personal notes."

"Ah."  He beamed.  "Good."  He handed over something.  "Personnel problems."

"Woolsey?" he asked with a point.  "He's technically over the scientists."

"Not them.  Some of your neanderthals."

"What now," he complained.  He read over the report and sighed.  "They broke one of the stored ones on purpose?"  Rodney nodded.  "At least it was empty."

"They didn't seem to see that point when I lectured them but I'm not sure how they're functioning with only a brain stem active."  He crossed his arms, staring at him.   "I asked Ronon to beat them because they could've blown us all up.  They were being malicious on purpose.  Then they trashed chemistry and tried in Botany but they had the two baby plants in there to suck up to them.  Pugsley nearly ate his first Marine.  Wednesday has attached herself quite firmly to the new botanist.  Sucks on her all the time."

"Names?"

"In there," he said with a point.  John downloaded it and handed the laptop back.  "Thank you," he said as he walked off.

"Hold on," John called.  Rodney came back.  "Nila likes Miko and Radek to keep working on her."

"That's not a problem.  Radek is more than eager to work on her fittings and the bathroom.  Miko as well.  She considers Nila just as beautiful as Atlantis is, and I can see that point of view myself," he said, noticing the projector was active so one of them was listening in.  He smiled at John.  "I'll keep the stupid people off her anyway.  Miko and Radek can be in charge."  John smiled and nodded.  "Thank you for letting me know."

"Not a problem.  She likes you too."

Rodney smirked.  "She's smart enough to know true genius when she meets it."  He strolled off.

John looked at Sam.  "You have to treat both AI's with respect, Sam.  They're not dumb.  They're very human.  They're very advanced, and they're very kind.  Even if now and then they do eject people into the ocean for some reason."  She huffed off to Woolsey's office.  He sighed, looking at the projector.  "Hi," he said quietly.

Nila appeared.  "I don't like her for many reasons, beyond her being rude."

"I know."

"She acts worse than Rodney does on a bad day without coffee."

"I know.  She's the head scientist so she gets to boss him around."

Nila snorted.  "He has more skills."

"She's very skilled," he corrected.

"Rodney was teaching me Ancient's math.  From before my people."

"He learned that from Xander," he said with a grin.

"It's very helpful and now I understand that ugly little power supply box."

"I think he's planning on putting a cloaking device on it or something."

"It still hums."

"I know.  If I had another place to have put it, I would have."  She smiled and nodded.  "I'm making out orders back to Earth.  Do you need anything material wise?"

"Can I have a few sleeping rooms put in so those who work themselves to sleep can?  It's cute seeing them sleeping in corners but probably not good for them.  I can beam them onto a cot."

He smiled.  "I can put bedrolls on you for them.  Then they can find a better spot."

"That would be acceptable.  And something to eat?  They keep forgetting to eat.  I had to eject Daniel this morning for that because he refused to listen to Cam."

"I can have some stuff put out there in a closet for them."  She beamed and patted him on the head before leaving.  He made notes for that, sending them to supply.

Woosley walked in.  "She won't accept Carter?"

"Carter sees her as a machine.  She said she was rude to her," he said, looking at him.  "She likes Miko and Radek.  They're quiet, respectful, talk to her like she's a person, all that.  Sam apparently pushed past her like she was a hologram."

"I know.  I saw," he sighed.  "Can we fix it?"

"I'll see if Xander or Cam can."

"That's fine.  I'll talk to them myself.  Anything else that she wanted?"

"She wanted to keep Miko and Radek.  She wanted to keep Daniel.  She likes Daniel but had to eject him when he refused to listen and go eat.  She asked for some stuff so they could sleep more comfortably when they fell asleep out there while working.  Plus some food stores."

"That's reasonable."

"She's very excited she's getting a bathroom.  Said it was a bit strange when they had to put on breathing gear to go to the end of the pier and pee."

"I don't even want to think about how nasty that must be," he decided, walking off.  He walked out to the dock.  "Nila, can I come talk to you please?"  She appeared and nodded.  He walked down the stairs and looked at her.  "They would like you to give Sam Carter a chance.  She's very brilliant and she's been learning from Ancient tech too," he said quietly.

"She's rude."

"I'm sure you've noticed some of the scientists on Atlantis see you the same way.  That's a common problem among scientists.  If it's not walking on two legs, without body fur, and firm to the touch they don't believe it has true sentience."

"In your case you're not corporeal enough for her," Xander added as he joined them.  "She doesn't understand that you can be just as smart as she is, and just as great as Rodney is."  She beamed at that compliment.  "Because she's kinda anything but human-phobic."

"She had been a Tok'ra host," Woolsey told him.

"They're still human based, Woolsey.  What would she do if she ran into a talking furry people race?  Or even the Ewok's?"  Radek snickered at that.  "She'd probably treat them like they're not really human too.  It's a common problem," he agreed, "but one she can overcome."

"I might like her but she pokes too hard and she didn't listen to me.  She was talking to herself about what something did and I told her but she ignored me."

"You notice the really smart ones often don't listen to anyone?" Xander asked her.  She smiled and nodded.  "She's got that problem too.  Just like Rodney does."

"I noticed but he is still nicer to me.  He talks to me, not about me most of the time."

"Which we love about him," he promised with a smile.  "But they would like her to take over the chief scientist spot when you get to earth.  She's part of Cam's team and he hates breaking in new scientists."

"Can't I keep Miko and Radek?"

"I don't know," Xander admitted.  "We can ask the generals."  She beamed at him for that.  "I'll make sure John sends that off in the next data packet for you."  She kissed him on the cheek then patted Woolsey on the head before disappearing again.  He looked at Woolsey.  "She does treat her like a thing," he said quietly.  "I like Sam, I liked working with her, but it's a blind spot of hers."

"I agree.  Nila is too sentient to not be seen as such.  I'll make sure they hear about the amended rotation she wanted."  He left.  He felt sorry for the city.  She had been alone and sentient for a very long time.  Millions of years.  Of course she got to be a bit picky and not wanting mean or boring people or even rude people on her.

Xander went back to the work area Daniel had created.  "Hey, Cam, what do you think about her wanting Miko or Radek for her CSO spot?"  He sat down in front of his computer again.

He considered it.  "I know Radek's been in the field a few times but I'd want someone who I knew could handle it if something broke during a situation or an attack.   She won't take Sam?"

"Have you noticed Sam doesn't consider anyone not human human enough?"

"Yeah, I have," he admitted.  Daniel nodded from his seat across from him, looking up.  "Plus Nila said she was muttering to herself about what she was looking at and when Nila told her what it was for, she ignored her and poked really hard."

"You cannot poke her.  Some of the wires are fragile from water damage and age," Radek told him.  "I thought her smarter."  Miko smiled at that.  "I can channel Rodney."

She giggled.  "I almost miss him snarking all the time."  Cam looked at her and she blushed.  "He's been nicer this last week because there's donuts and coffee again."

"I'd hate to see him without coffee too," Daniel said dryly.  "He drinks more than I do."

"Those days, I share my caffeine pills," Xander said dryly.  They all giggled at that.  "There's days when I feel like a pirate, out here on the floating city."

"Not _Water World_?" Daniel teased with a smirk.

"No, it was crappy."  They all laughed and nodded.  "So, Radek, while I was gone, did you get the Excel Saga DVDs?"

"I did and we all went mindless from that.  It is a happy mental drug," he said.

"Vala said she'd join their movement," Cam said dryly.

"Some day I've got to go to an anime con and bring her with me," he said with a sigh at the end.  "I'm sure I can get her to go as a schoolgirl and she likes pigtails already."

"She'd think it'd be more like porn," Daniel said dryly.

"I got her to watch Inuyasha.  She wanted to be Kagome for a bit."

"A school girl with powers?" Miko asked.  Xander smiled and nodded.  "Some of that one is for sappy girls."

"Yes it is," Xander agreed dryly.  "But he's a bad boy wannabe so they like it for him too."

"Exactly, for sappy girls," she said with a smile at him.  She said something in Japanese, making Daniel snicker.  Xander shot back and she cackled, falling onto her side since she was sitting on the stairs.  Daniel snickered at that too.  He grinned.  She shook her head.  "So bad, Xander."

"I try sometimes."  He got back to work on the journals Daniel had put in his list.  "Weren't a few of these yours, Daniel?"  He looked over at him with a grin.  "Did those lazy linguists give you bad ideas?" he taunted.

"Quite, but I'm nearly done for the day or she'll send me into the water again."

"Thank god the spores are gone," Cam quipped.

"Yeah but the baby plants are all on the main base," Xander said dryly.  "I checked, they're not in quarantine yet."  They all moaned.  He grinned.  "I'm staying up here because some of those guys there."  He shuddered.  "Eww."

"Very," Cam agreed.  Rodney came stomping back.  "What now?"

"Problems."  He looked at Xander.  "Landry said that Travers saved himself by handing up the IOA."

"Who didn't talk or had him killed?"

"They tried to have him killed.  There's some very curious journalists."

"I had no idea he had classified files, people.  Sorry, no idea.  I had the vision so they'd know how bad it would be if that agent had outed more things."

"Fine."  He shook his head, telling John that.  John relayed that the generals, who complained but apparently it was fine for now.  He shrugged.  "They're dealing with it but no one in the IOA has mentioned the project yet."

"More hearings?" he guessed.

"Yes.  Unfortunately we think."

"Damn it.  I just got back."

"Bring Armand this time.  Maybe he'll scare them since they are soul sucking too," Radek offered.

"I made sure the reporters didn't follow us back to the base," Xander told him.  "Or else they'd be asking more questions."

Rodney smiled.  "Landry said thank you for that."

Xander grimaced.  "It'll be fine.  You guys will be fine.  Even if not, there's been other alien invasion attempts," he pointed out.  They stared at him.  "At least in England."

"So us being covert doing that probably won't be seen as too bad," Rodney decided, walking off talking to John about that idea.  Landry apparently liked it too.

Xander shook his head.  "If I had known, I would've had her hand over the files first."

"We know," Cam promised, patting him on the back.

"Xander, I am picking up a subspace fluctuation like you had at home," Nila reported.

"Hellmouth here?" he demanded.  "Why?"  She showed up and pointed.  He looked.  There was a bright spot twinkling and getting bigger.  It could only have one cause and only two people could probably pull it off.  "Oh, shit, catch her."  Nila caught Dawn and pulled her gently onto the deck.  "What the fuck!" he demanded.

"Mom will soap your mouth, Xander," she said, hands on her hips.

He stared at her.  "What are you doing here?  In another galaxy?"

"Willow."

"Ah, shit."  Cam was already calling John to warn him.  "Why?" he asked, looking resigned.

"She was trying to protect me because someone started to ask if Torchwood knew anything about the Council.  Ianto called Buffy to warn her.  Gwen called her back to tell her I wasn't safe because reporters were sniffing around.  So Willow sent me somewhere safe.  To you."

"I'm not in Colorado."

"I noticed there's sunlight and water and air."  She gave him a sheepish look and he sighed, getting up to hug her.  She sank into his arms with a sigh of relief.

"We'll deal with it."

"Thanks, big brother."

"You're welcome.  You know that."  Woolsey came stomping in.  "Richard Woolsey, IOA, meet Dawn Summers, my successor and Daniel's protégé."

He stopped to stare at her.  "I heard someone complaining about you to the Council members on the IOA."

She looked over Xander's shoulder at him.  "Are you one of them?"  He shook his head.  "Good then I won't kick your ass."  She went back to her cuddle.  Armand bleeted so she picked him up to cuddle too.  "Hi, Armand."

"Your egg?" he asked.

"Safely in my bra, like usual."  She floated it out to show him.

He checked.  "Nice job so far."  He let her tuck it back under there.  "Okay, we'll figure it out.  You know Daniel and Cam, right?"  She smiled and nodded, wiggling her fingers at them.  "These are Miko and Radek, part of the science team.  Rodney's second and third, the ones he doesn't often yell at."

She smiled.  "Hi.  Sorry.  Willow *way* overreacted."

"Just a bit," John said dryly.

"This is John Sheppard, he's our military head here," Xander told her.

She smiled.  "Xander said you were young and a hotshot pilot.  So are you as gay as _Top Gun_ too?"

He burst out laughing while Cam moaned and shook his head.  "No.  Sorry."

"Damn.  But hey, like them barely legal?" she asked with a happy grin.

"Nope."

"Well, shoot, the hot ones never hit on me so I had to start flirting."

Xander shook his head.  "You're not quite old enough for that yet."

"Buffy had Angel by my age."

"Yeah and look how that turned out."

"I've got a bunch of emo guys in my school so I'm bored shitless with the selection."

"Get Spike to go eat some then."

"Don't tempt me.  He really and truly freaked out Jack and Ianto.  Gwen just stared in horrified shock.  Jack had a real, long rant at God about why him.  He said he finally understood what you meant about him being an offspring."  Xander beamed.  "I know, it was cute to watch.  He swore at you for nearly an hour."

"Yay."  She giggled, hugging him again.  Armand got squished between them but he liked it like that apparently.  "So, guys, any word on if Willow is presently being beaten to death by someone?"

"Jack told me he told her he'd feed her to our pterodactyl," Dawn said with a happy smile.  "Or leave her on the planet with the sludge geysers."

"That's almost cruel," Xander said with an evil smirk.  He even let out an evil chuckle.  "Did she learn?"

"Yeah, Miss Martha kinda retcon'd her enough that she decided Tara was a saint and Jack was Satan when he showed up."

"He can be if you piss him off.  The Doctor too."

"He showed up to recharge and said hi."

"That's cool.  How is he?"

"Doing better.  New cute companion that reminds me of you."  She shrugged.  "Anyway."  She poked him on the chest.  "Where's Faith?"

"Faith to Nila for a visitor from home," he called over the comm.  He went back to holding her.  He had missed her.

She hopped down, looking curious until she got a squealing, wiggling armful of girl and dragon.  "Red?" she guessed.

"Yeah, Gwen convinced her I might be in danger.  It wasn't even Tuesday," she quipped, waving a hand.  Armand snatched it with his tail and put it back around him.  "Aww, did you miss me, Armand?" she cooed.  She beamed at Faith.  "Hey, I'm nearly your size now."

"Nearly," she agreed.  "X?"

"Going to chew Gwen first and then Willow?  Sure.  I can do that.  Armand, want to go with?  We'll see Jack and Ianto."  He hopped down and came over to climb up his daddy so they could go.  He pulled out his bracelet and popped down to earth.  He stared at Jack, who was growling at Spike.  He bopped Spike on the head.

"Oi!" he complained, turning to look at him.  "You," he said with a light sneer.

"Yeah, because Willow just sent Dawnie to me because Gwen convinced Willow that she was in danger."

Jack moaned, shaking his head.  "No," he moaned.  That made more sense than Spike taking her.

"Yeah," Xander said dryly.  Armand spotted Ianto and hopped down, going to nuzzle him.  "Hi, Ianto."

"Xander.  Can you take the undead clone there before Jack has flashbacks?"

Xander looked at him.  "Scram until Dawn comes back?"

"No fun here anyway," he muttered.  "They don't even scream."

"Spike, are weevils demons?" he asked.

"Nah, not quite.  Nasty little trans-dim shits who take all the good prey and don't even play kitten poker."  He lit up.  "You sure she's fine?"

"I left her with my big brothers and mean uncle.  Plus Faith."  Spike choked.  He grinned.  "Shoo."  He huffed but left through the sewer entrance.

"Let me get a torch to seal that," Ianto said, walking off petting the dragon.

Jack looked at Xander.  "I love Dawn.  She's like a mini-you some days, kid."

"Yeah, she can be."  He shrugged.  "Nearly time."

"I know."  He straightened up.  "Gwen, go home for the night so he has to hunt."

"I love me some hunting," he said with an evil grin at her.  She fled.  He looked at Jack, then shrugged.  "She nearly landed in the water too."

"That would've gotten a very loud shriek," he complained.

"Yup."  He smirked.  "So, how is she doing?"

"She hates all the emo boys.  She's crap at flirting but I'm working on it for when she's of age."

"As long as she's legal," Xander pointed out.

"By our standards, she is."  He smirked.  "I've met one of her schoolmates and he's a sad example of manhood.  Those files?"

"No idea she had them," Xander sighed.

"Pity but cute work."

"They threatened to kill me again."  He grinned.  "So, anything else we need to exchange for a bit?"

"I'm taken."

"I'm...casual."  He shrugged.  "It's nice."

"Good.  You need more of that and less emo time yourself."

"They play video games with me."

"Ah."  He came down to give the boy a hug.  "Send her back when the squealing causes migraines."  He clapped im on the back.  "The Doctor's new companion?  Almost exactly like you only perky breasts."

"I don't think I ever did that," he said, considering it.  Jack gave him a head nudge and a grin.  "So, Willow?"

"Oh, so mine," he promised.

"You know, if I was being bad, we could make an herbal viagra knockoff from the spores and then run a spa from the geysers of mud.  We'd make millions to fund our other work."

"He'd kill us both."

"Probably, which is what's stopping me."  He grinned at Ianto, taking his dragon back.  Armand leaned over to nuzzle Jack's neck a few times then cuddled the daddy again.  "Let me go back to Miss Squeal.  Let Buffy know I have her?"

"I can do that when I go kick in Willow's door."

"Spank Gwen for me?"

"She'd like it," he said blandly.

"Let the Doctor spank Gwen for us?"

"Don't tempt me.  He liked Dawn.  Called her plucky and fun but tragically too young to travel.  Said he reminded her of Rose."

"Rose reminded me of Buffy."

"Yeah, kind of."  He shook that thought off.  "Anyway, go watch over your own sister for a bit.  I'll get her excused from school for a few days."

"Thanks, Jack.  Let me know if you need stuff."

"I could use a generator," he said with a smirk.

"For that, talk to Landry or Rodney."  He and Armand disappeared.

Jack took the torch and turned it on, lighting it easily.  He sealed the sewer entrance and went to find any others they had.  He did *not* want Spike in the hub ever again.

***

Xander reappeared, getting an armful of Dawn.  "Jack will get you an excused absence, will tell your sister where you are, and then will kick Willow around for a bit.  And I sent Spike away."

She grinned.  "They are *so* big brothers."

"Mine too," he promised.  "And Mean Uncle Rodney too."  He pointed.  She smiled and waved.  "So," he told John.  "Anything?"

"Let her work with you as a mini test," John ordered, but he was smiling.  "She can sleep in your office or in Faith's room."  He left them alone to send that update back.  This was going to be interesting.

"Hey, no demons," she said.

"Spike said weevils aren't.  They're trans-dim sorts."

"Yeah, which sucks.  I'd like to stake 'em all.  Jack said that's mean since it won't kill 'em."

"Beheading?"

"Does work like a charm," she admitted, taking his arm and sitting down in his spot to go over what Daniel was working on.  She smiled and started to type.  She was getting much better at Ancient.  Xander only had to correct a few words on her.

Xander smiled at Radek, who winked.  He'd invite Xander down for some ...tea later on.

Dawn looked at him.  "If you like him that way, Radek, I'm cool with it," she assured him.  "I'm all sorts of cool with it since Jack and Ianto are pretty much in the sort of gooey minded love that it makes me sigh because I no longer need to read books."  She went back to it while he cackled and Xander blushed.

"You're still conjugating Is strangely," Xander noted.  "The one after it is a name.  Apparently she was cheating and a ho."

Daniel snickered.  "I ran into that mention a few times too."

"What's a ho?" Nila asked, appearing.

Dawn stared at her, head tipped to the side.  "Wow, I want to do that when I die."  She beamed at the ghost.  "Hi, I'm Dawn, I'm like Xander's little sister."

"This is Nila and she's the AI for the city," Daniel told her.

"That's very cool, cooler than being a ghost, Nila."  Nila smiled at her.  "Don't worry, I babble.  I'm at that age, ya know?  So has Xander been good?  Because if he's not, I'll find someone to spank him."

"No you won't," Xander assured her.

"Jack said that's why he's my big brother.  So he can paddle me if I show that bad of taste in my boys."  She stuck her tongue out at him.  "I don't know why he didn't like the sporty type."

"Ah, the future rapist.  Yeah, heard about him."  He patted her on the back.  "I'm having you married off to someone I respect."

"Fine."  She smiled at Nila.  "Never, ever get big brothers like him.  He's *totally* overprotective and won't let me date or have the sex."  She smirked at the guy coming in wearing just sweat pants and a pair of sneakers.  "Hi, Little Jon."

"Not cute, Summers, and still not going to put on a free show for you."

"Shoot.  Vala agreed it would be cute."

"Vala likes watching us spar more," he shot back with an evil look.  "Speaking of, Xander and Cam."

"We can take a break for that," Daniel agreed.  "Nila, want to come watch with us?"

"I may," she promised.  "I don't like seeing you boys hurt each other though."

"Each whack means you get faster and better," Dawn told her.  "It means you learn to duck or avoid too.  Jack's mean about that stuff.  Teal'c too."

"Wait until you see Ronon," Jon taunted.  Armand's head popped over the edge of the table from her lap.  "Of course you can come watch.  Don't try to join in though.  We don't want to hurt you by accident, dragon."  He walked off and they followed.  Even Miko.  She was trying hard not to drool over them.  Her calendar was not this informative.  Jon waved Dawn in.  "Dawn, this is Teyla and Ronon.  They're natives to around here."

She smiled and shook Teyla's hand.  "I've heard you were really good and I should get you to finish my self defense training."  She looked at Ronon, who was shirtless, of course.  The universe was clearly laughing at her.  "Do you like younger women?" she asked with a shy grin.

"He's a widow," Xander said patiently.  "Though he is one of the few I'd consider acceptable to date you."  She bounced back to a seat near Miko and Nila, cuddling the dragon.  "Yeah, she's that Dawnie," he told them.

Ronon shook his head.  "She's very...bouncy."

"She squeals and asks all pilots if they're gay too," Jon told him.  "Staffs or rods?"

"Rods," everyone else agreed.

"Good, I could use more work," Jon decided.  He tossed their favored sets out.  Teyla took hers and smiled.  "I know, we'll be perfect gentlemen since you're joining in today," he quipped.  She swatted him.  "Hey!"

"Hush," she ordered with a smirk.  "You are not that mannerly no matter what you claim.  I have seen you eat."  She changed rods with Xander.  Then again with Jon.  That was better.  Xander changed with Jon and it was better for him, a bit heavier.  He and Ronon changed then changed back.  John changed with him and it was all good.  Teyla looked at them.  "On four?"  They nodded and Dawn called out 'four'.  They attacked.

Dawn stared, mouth slightly open.  "Wow, Xander has really trained a lot.  I remember my sister saying he tripped before."

"That was probably growth spurts or something," Miko said quietly.  Vala plopped down behind her with Doctor Keller.  Armand crawled up Dawn's chest to meep at them, getting head pets.  Then he settled back into his girl's lap.  She was the daddy's sister so of course she was his aunt.  He meeped and growled at one blow that seemed to send Xander back.

"Relax, Armand.  It's sparring," he called out.  He dove back in, getting Jon out this time for that unkind blow to the ear.  Jon fell with a groan and Teyla joined him after a few more minutes with him and Ronon ganging up on her.  John was holding steady.  Cam was starting to pant.  "Cam, you need more practice," he teased.  "You're not in shape."

"Bullshit," he countered and got Xander on an unguarded part while he was attacking John.  "Sometimes you gotta be sneaky."

Xander smirked and tripped him then blew a kiss.  "You look hot that way."

Cam snickered but made himself get back up and join in after catching his breath.  Jon too.  The only way you built stamina was to push it.  Xander ducked under a blow of Ronon's and did a flying kick to knock him down and out.  "Hey, no fair learning off ninja movies!" Cam complained.

"Really," Jon agreed.  He got Xander from behind and Xander got him back then Cam and John.  He was giving them an evil smirk too.  "New plans?" he taunted.

"Yup, sure am."  He ducked one attack by John but Jon muscled in to get him when he was more vulnerable, making him grimace.  "Really, Jon, playing with my balls that way is just unkind if you're not doing it for real."  The women watching all cackled at that.  He got them both back and this time John won.  Barely.   They were all sweaty and panting hard.

"No pictures," John ordered.  A few women groaned.  Xander and Jon gave him a curious look.  "The underground smut railroad made a male and female calendar.  We're all in there and there's a group sparring shot too."

Xander shrugged.  "I can be someone's fantasy but they can only touch if they ask nicely and I like them."  He wiped down and put up his weapons then walked over to Dawn, pulling her up to hug her.

"Eww, sweaty and not like I have other clothes!" she complained, pushing at him.  "Eww!"

He grinned.  "This, for those who don't know, is my kinda little sister Dawn Summers.  She's going to be following Daniel and I."  They all waved and smiled.  "As you can see, Armand thinks she's very snuggly but if anyone disrespects her I get to beat an ass grandly."  He walked her out.  "C'mon, let me shower and we'll get back to work."

"K.  Is Jack going to go alien mediaeval on Willow?"

"Yup, sure will."

"Cool.  I want film."  He took her up to his room so she could call and tell him that.  She wandered around cuddling Armand while babbling at Jack, especially about the sparring.  Sweaty men were nice as long as they didn't make her sweaty without her consent.  "Xander, Jack said to quit teaching me to go for jocks."

Xander looked out at her.  "I don't care about jocks.  Some of my favorite people are military."  He ducked back into his shower.  "Thank god I don't have minutes," he called.

She giggled and told him that so he hung up and went to set up a camera so Dawn could share his disgust at Willow's current problem.  And how he was going to get Gwen too.  With her gone it meant he had to do more paperwork and listen to Gwen complain more often.

Xander came out in a towel, grabbing some pants to put on in the bathroom.

Dawn turned while pacing and talking to her mother, finding someone at the door.  "So that noise was the doorbell?" she guessed.  She shrugged and went back to babbling.  She finally had to hang up when Xander took the phone from her and blew a kiss before hanging up.  "Who's he?" she asked with a nod at the guy in the doorway.

"Hi," he said with a wave.  "What's up?"

"Um, Harris, who's she?  And does the Colonel know you snuck up someone underage?"

"She's my little sister, not a hooker, and yes, he's seen her.  He was there a few minutes after she appeared.  Woolsey too."

"Oh, okay.  Um, there's a fight in the mess and we can't get it stopped.  Can you come be your scary, badass self?  They wouldn't even listen to the colonels."

"Sure."  They walked down there with him.  He walked in and Armand hopped down, growing big suddenly.  He picked the two idiots up and shook them.  Xander stared at them.  "Good afternoon!" he said loudly, making them flinch.  "I'm told *someone* is not playing nicely?"  He smiled.  "Who might that be I wonder."

"Please let the dragon eat us," one of them begged.  "Please?  I don't think I can take sparring with you, Harris."

Dawn snickered.  "You know, he's not the mean one in the family.  That's my sister on PMS."

"You hired the colonel a hooker for his birthday?" one pouted.  "I need to go up in rank."

"She's my sister," Xander said dryly, glaring at him.

"Oh, please, let the dragon eat me instead of him," he begged, looking at Armand.  "I'm tasty and I dripped sauce on me earlier."  Armand licked the sauce but unfortunately didn't eat him too.  He started to cry.  "Please don't maim us, Harris!"

"Geez, wooses much?" Dawn asked him.  "You're not that scary."

Xander grinned.  "I am now."  Colonel Mitchell strolled in.  "These two want to be eaten, Cam."

"I head about the fight and John getting pushed into a doorway and nearly off the balcony."

"I thought she was a birthday present for Colonel Sheppard," one of the guys said.  "The dragon won't eat me.  Please?" he begged.

"I don't eat people.  I don't want to start a bad trend.  Teal'c might be too stringy and Daniel would taste like coffee."  Sam snickered. "She'd taste like blue jell-o."

"I would, of course, be soft, tender, and delectable," Vala said smugly.

"Sure, if we have to eat someone to survive, we'll cook you," Cam assured her.  He looked at the two idiots.  "I'd go confess right now to Woolsey."  They ran for it.  He patted Armand.  "Thanks, big one."  He snuffled his hair then shrank and walked beside Dawn through the food line.

Xander looked at Cam.  "You took my fun."

"You can beat them up later."  They got their own food and sat down to chat with the hyperactive mouth of doom Dawn.  Armand was trying to hold her down by sitting on her head since she was in the sun.  It worked for them apparently.

Woolsey stomped in.  "Harris, no more using the dragon to threaten them.  Even if they did want to rent your sister."  He got some milk and went back to the office.  More idiots, it just made his week.

Xander shrugged.  "Wasn't part of the plan, he did it on his own.  He's clearly very protective of you."

"That's because he has good taste."

"Yes he does," Vala agreed, coming over to join them.  "Hi, Armand."  He gave her a sleepy meep then stretched before getting comfy again.

Dawn looked up.  "You're a bit heavy."

"Sorry," Xander said.  "Armand, hit the railing.  Like you do with Jon."  Armand groaned but moved down to stretch out in his own patch of sunlight on the floor.  "Fine.  Don't let yourself be stepped on."  He dug into his food.  "Why are we having this?  Eww."  He put down his fork.  "We should riot over this.  What is this?" he called toward the line.

"Stew!" one of the lunch ladies called back.  "Shut up and eat it, Harris.  Or you won't be strong enough to make women pant while you spar!"

"Eww."  He ate everything else.  That stew was toxic looking.   He walked up there to get a piece of fruit.  "Did you make it from the toxic bunny that gave Armand heartburn?" he asked as he grabbed an apple.  Rodney took it from his hand.  "Hey!"  He got a banana instead and went back to his seat.  Rodney was eating very fast so he stole his fork.  "Slow down before you choke and I have to do CPR.  I'm not sure if I'll make another scientist be called or not," he said dryly.  He handed the fork back and peeled his banana while Dawn choked and laughed.

"I'm fine and I doubt you doing CPR could create another great scientist such as I am," he complained.

"Why not, it made a second slayer," he said dryly, stuffing his mouth.  Rodney gave him an odd look so he grinned.  "Kendra."

"I forgot about that.  Though I'm sure there's no list of potentials to be called if something happens to me."  He stuffed his mouth again.

Dawn took it this time.  "My mom would swat you majorly for gulping like you're at the breast, dude.  Slow down and enjoy the food.  Even the toxic bunny stew."

"Is it?" he asked.

"I don't know but I wouldn't eat it."  He ate another bite of banana, glancing at Armand then around.  "Okay, something's got to be going on somewhere.  I'm feeling twitchy."  His cellphone rang.

"I want that calling plan," she sighed.

He smirked and stuck his tongue out while he pulled it out of his pocket.  "Magic.  You can learn it too.  Hey, General Jack, what's up?"  Jon's head popped up from his seat with the pilots.  "Really?  Let me put you on speaker."   He did that.  "Okay, I've got Rodney, Cam, and Dawn here with me.  Plus Vala.  JOHN!" he shouted.  "Jon!"  He waved him over and Evan came too.  John came jogging in.  "Okay, we're all here, go for it."

"I do not know how you brought down a boil on our asses and uncovered a multi-planetary terrorist organization, Harris.  I have no idea how you did it, but damn it, I didn't need the extra work."

"Woolsey to the caf, now, for an emergency briefing," John called, then let go of his earpiece.  "How bad, General?"

"How did I uncover the intergalactic version of Al Queda?" Xander asked.  Woolsey walked in quickly and he waved him over.

"In Kinsey's crapload of files he shouldn't have had was a good few files on people called The Trust.  It's apparently a group that wants the tech for themselves for business purposes."

"Jack, my Jack, got me away from them when they came to try to sway Gwen," Dawn told the phone.  "They wanted what Torchwood had stored too.  Jack blew him off and had him arrested for something."

"I can ask him about that, Dawn.  Thank you.  Why are you up there?"

"Willow."

"I talked to her Jack, he's going to chew her a new one for us," Xander told him.  "Beyond that, she's getting a lot of Daniel time in so she can be his protégé of doom."

"That's fine, kids.  I knew she'd do that someday," he sighed.  He sounded tired.  "All right, all we know right now is that some of these idiots are former NID.  Fired for being violent idiots.  There's apparently a higher council that's business people.  Xander, Dawn, Travers was part of that."

"Fuck," Xander said.  Then he ate the rest of his banana.

"Eww, him?" Dawn asked.

"Hell no!"  He swatted at her.  "Behave.  Is he down?"

"Yes.  The Brits have the Council in custody and are not happy with them.   We do have one scientist here that's trying to expose things but that's a whole different problem."  He cleared his throat.  "Then we have the gou'ald that's helping these violent idiots.  They do not play nicely.  They believe in shoring up their viewpoints by assassination.  They're all for questioning at gunpoint and with torture.  Dawn, I want you to stay safe.  Xander, they've went after Buffy once; Riley Finn heard and got her evacuated in time.  She's in their guest room at the moment."

"Okay.  I'm sure his wife isn't liking that," he said dryly.  "What can we do to help?"

"We have got to find the other members.  I know you have some strange contacts.  I've already called UNIT to warn them that they want future and alien tech.  Martha Jones said she'd call Torchwood herself.  We're on base lockdown today because of that."

"Okay," Xander agreed.  "I can call some people I know."

"General, is Tunny involved?" Rodney asked.

"No, he's not.  Another of your level of genius is but he's a minor issue wanting to out things."

"Remind him of the prime directive," Xander said dryly.  "And how people will fucking panic.  Though, they've seen other harmful aliens."

"I know.  We're going to have a small conference to talk about this issue.  I need you to attend, kid.  Since you're the source of future tech outside of Harkness."

"Gotcha," he agreed.  He looked up.  "John?"

"I can watch Dawn for you and squash any rumors about my birthday that we're not celebrating."

Xander snorted.  "Sure we're not."

"I said we're not," he told him.

Xander stared at him.  "Didn't I say that and you guys got me an ice cream cake and stuff?"

"Yeah," he sighed.  "Nothing too huge?"

"I'll see."  He looked at his phone again.  "When?"

"Tonight."

"Be there soon," Xander promised.  He hung up and looked at them.  "Okay, apparently we need to ferret out the little bastards and make them realize how fucking dumb they are."

"Oooh, demon snot bomb?" Dawn asked him with a happy, manic grin.

Xander smirked.  "I love your filthy mind, Dawnie.  Never change."  He leaned over to kiss the tip of her nose.  "C'mon, Armand, we're going to DC to talk to Jack and General Jack."  Armand got up with a groan.  "Let me go get a few things out of the office.  Dawn, take my bed tonight."

"Yes, big brother."

"And no having anyone in it either," he said dryly.  "The only one getting some in my bed is me."

"Yes, Xander," she said, giving him a dirty look.  He smirked back.  "Whatever."

"Good."  He looked at Woolsey.  "Anything?"

"Not a thing that I've ever heard of," he admitted quietly.

"Okay, you have contacts."

"I'll send emails out tonight," he promised, walking off thinking about it.

Xander looked at Rodney.  "I'll send you guys an email with tonight's load of stuff."  That got a nod and Xander got up, heading up to his office with the dragon following him.  He got into a box that he hadn't gotten into since he had been in the eighties the second time.  Armand gave him a strange look so he smiled.  "It's cool, Armand," he said quietly.  He grabbed a few more things.  "Let's get some clothes."  Armand nosed a closed trunk.

"You're right, that is in there."  He got into it and pulled out some more things.  He touched his comm.  "Dawn, feed the plants tonight please.  They might eat the stew but they might plant puke too, not real sure."  He let it go and grabbed a backpack.  His mission backpack.  It had a lot of what he might need.  He grabbed a few more things, including his tool kit for emergencies, and hesitated over one thing then stuffed it in there too.  He looked at his dragon.  "Let me change," he promised.

He stripped off, dropping the clean clothes on his desk chair then grabbing two things from the same trunk before kicking it closed.  The pants were soft, moved with him, and were so much future tech it wasn't funny.  He kept it willed to look like black silk.  The shirt he willed the same.  He ran a hand through his hair and changed his shoes to his boots then grabbed Armand and his pack, then his other bag and left.  He landed in Jack's office.  "Okay, we're here."

"You made good time," he joked.  He looked him over.  "Fancy.  Date too?"

"Nah, favorite hunting outfit."  He put Armand into a chair, put his pack on better, and the other bag over his shoulder.  "Meeting?"

"In about two hours.  You can go find someone for some short fun if you want."

"Nah.  I have someone I need to talk to later."  That got a nod and a smirk.  "Not that way.  Though one guy did ask if Dawn was Sheppard's birthday present."

Jack burst out laughing.  "That's so evil."

"Armand and I had just broken up their fight.  When I said little sister he begged Armand to eat him."  Armand meeped, waving his tail around.  "I know, you have better taste than dumb Marines."  He sat down, looking at him.  "Do we have anything new yet?"

"No, I've called others and they have no idea either."

"How multi-planet is this?"

"Very with the gou'ald involved.  They had control of most of this galaxy before we kicked their butts."

Xander nodded.  "Good to know.  Okay, I'll talk to some of my contacts after the meeting."  Jack nodded.  "Including maybe... if I can find the bastard, Ba'al."

Jack smirked.  "You hate him."

"Yeah, I do.  But I'll let him flirt if he'll give me info.  I won't smack him around this time."

"Fine.  If you're comfy."

"I won't bare it for him but I'll let him try to talk me into it."

"Hmm.  If you're comfy.  I won't even suggest it unless it's vital, Xander."

"I know, Jack.  I like that about you."  Landry and Harkness both landed behind him.  Armand roared and leapt over to cuddle Jack.

"Hi, precious."  He petted him, getting nuzzled.  "You smell like Dawn."

"He's so protective of her," Xander assured him with a grin.  "We holding it here?"

"Martha's coming the normal way," Jack said with a smirk.

"Cool.  Let's go have lunch, Jack?"

"Sure."  He nodded at the two military guys.  Xander took his stuff and Jack kept the cuddly dragon since he wanted to snuggle him instead for a bit.

"Do we have any idea what he's up to?" Landry asked quietly.

"No," he admitted.  Jack smiled.  "But it'll hopefully be helpful."

"I can't believe we have another one."  He sat down.  "What about that other person?"

"I sent McKay a fact file on him so we can call him down to discourage the guy."

"They might be after him too," Landry said.

"He has security.  I'm going to send the kid to talk to him.  He's the best advocate we have for keeping to the prime directive as he put it."

"He is," Landry agreed.  "Get a drink too?"

"I could use a beer," Jack agreed, leading him down to the officer's club so they could have one before the meeting.

***

Xander looked at Jack then around the private restaurant they were in, then back at his friend.  "Okay, I need some help."

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to end up pulling out future skills I've never admitted to," he said quietly, glancing around.  "Rodney's going to kick my ass."

Jack smiled.  "Is that a desired outcome?"

"We have clones," he murmured.

Jack moaned.  "Why?"

"Asgard."

"Aw, shit," he complained quietly.  Armand snuffled so he petted him again.  "On your side or against?"

"On but someone else has it and he's an enemy and possibly involved or will know."

"Great.  What do we think is going to happen?"

"I have some clone-be-gone that I'm not willing to admit that I made," he offered.  "And I have some fraquint made that might come in handy too."  Jack nodded at that.  "Though I agree, people are ready for *some* information since they all know about the stuff you helped handle."

"True.  I'm not thrilled but a careful one might help.  What else do you have?"

"If I have to, do you really think they can black ops it?" he asked.

"Your general, yeah.  O'Neill is known for it on his missions here and there."

"Yeah but he's getting older, and this is going to come down to us because the Doc is going to throw a fit if he hears."

"Yeah, he will," he admitted, sipping his water.  "That's an interesting aftertaste."

Xander sniffed then waved their waiter over.  He grinned.  "Can you please tell whoever slipped the drugs in our drinks we're immune."  He beamed.  The waiter gave him a horrified look.  "Better yet, just take me see the bastard.  Jack, can you watch that?  I'll be right back.  I know who owns this place in secret."

"Sure, have fun."  He petted the dragon.  "Bring me a good ale?"  The waiter nodded.  "Undrugged this time."  He hurried off, taking Xander to the office then getting the scary man a proper ale.

Xander strolled into the office, staring at the arrogant bastard behind the desk.  "You tried to drug us?  How dumb are you, Ba'al?"

"Xander," he said with a smirk.  "What brings you here?"

"Meeting."  He strolled over.  "I was going to come see you anyway.  Someone asked me to find some information on a new group that you've probably been watching."

"What would be in it for me?"

"Well....  I won't smack you into the ground the next time you try to flirt but I won't give in," he said dryly.  "Beyond that, they're probably in your way too."

"Which group?" he asked, looking Xander over.  "That is not normal fabric."

"No, it's not."  He smirked, sitting on the edge of the desk.  "The Trust?  It came out in some of Kinsey's crap.  If I had known his mistress had those files I would've asked for them before she went on the air."

"You....  Oh, you are so evil."

"He was in my way," he said with a grin.

"Hmm."  He stared at him.  "I do know of them but I don't think the incentive is good enough."

Xander leaned down.  "I have clone-be-gone."  Ba'al laughed.  "A nice little retrovirus that reacts to the energy signature in cloned cells."  Ba'al quit laughing.  "It got so bad that we had to make sure Mini Jack was out of the way on Atlantis."

Ba'al hissed.  "You wouldn't."

"Try me, baby.  You know I would."  He smiled.  "I can be nicer and not give what I have over."

Ba'al stretched back.  "I don't believe you.  Beyond that, I'm enjoying what my people do."

Xander hummed.  "Pity.  But good to know."  He stabbed him with the dagger that had been on his wrist.  "I'll get the clones later."  He blew a kiss as the asshole died, getting his symbiot when it tried to escape the dying body.  He called Jack.  "I got Ba'al.  Promised before he went insane and tried to entice me to join him again that I'd get his clones.  His office is a wealth of shit since he was in charge.  Club Nara."  He hung up and looked around, finding the file he needed.  Jack would need it but it wasn't a problem.  He felt comfy enough to deal with this committee thing.  It'd be a good birthday present to Sheppard since they apparently wanted his ATA gene one way or another according to the file.  Someone knocked and walked in.  He smiled at the man who was staring at the dead body.  "I'm Xander."  Ba'al had a hard-on for him so his people would know.

"Lord Xander," he said, bowing to him, not looking directly at him.  "I know Lord Ba'al talked about you often."

"Yes and it's a pity he pissed me off.  I'll transplant him into a better, prettier host."  The man nodded.  "I'm expecting guests."

"They are here."

"O'Neill?"

"Yes."

"Show him in.  Ignore us."  He bowed again and left.  Xander smiled.  "They want to kidnap John to work for them."  He held up the file.  "I'll handle this group of morons?"

Jack took it to look over, then nodded.  "You sure?"

"Yeah and I think I know someone who was working on something that might help with his many other bodies," he said dryly.  "He told me they were his people."

"We'll raid," Jack promised.  "Go have lunch, kid.  You didn't sound too happy with dinner."

"It was toxic bunny stew.  It was gross."  He walked out with the folder, sitting down next to Jack and his dragon again.  "Ba'al really was a pain in my ass," he said.

Jack nodded.  "I've had a few of those.  Ex?"

"Not hardly.  I have taste.  Si was at least *pretty*."

Jack smirked.  "I love hearing about your ex's and how much they mope.  The Doctor said that another one moped at him about not having you anymore."

"Hmm.  Which one?"

"The one on Ilendin."

"Ah, him.  Yeah, Rodney told him off for only liking me for my ass's effect on him and for ignoring everything else I could've given him.  Told him he respected me for my mind, not my body.  He was totally shocked at the concept."

"We don't like people like you here," one of the other patrons called.

"Idiot, I'm worth more than you, I can make you fucking miserable and beg me to let you commit suicide if I want.  I'm talking to a friend.  If you don't like it, don't eavesdrop."  He turned around, bright pink.  "Ah, narrow minds."

"You could move to the apartment you're letting Dawn use," Jack pointed out.

"I told the president if he didn't quit pissing me off I was going to.  Or the one in London."

"That is a pretty place.  We borrowed it on a case recently."

"I heard.  It's cool.  How did you like the bathroom redo?"

"Ianto loved it.  He went into hedonistic glee fits."  He grinned.  "Gwen slept on the couch."

"Did you put a slipcover on it?" he asked dryly.

"She's not that bad."

"She's snarked at Dawn a lot."

"Yes she has but she's getting more used to her.  Gwen thinks she's too young."

"Dawn may be young but she's not really, not with the family and group history or with hers."

"I understand that but Rhys is making her a bit conservative recently.  She did protect Dawn when these morons showed up."

Xander nodded.  "I like that about her but someone I know sent me an email saying that they had to lock Dawn's trust away from Gwen's hacking attempt."

Jack grimaced.  "She's hopefully trying to protect it."

"I don't care.  I'm not going to be rude to her, but damn, Jack."

"She would never hurt her."  He cleared his throat.  "I'm fairly certain she overheard Dawn and Ianto talking.  She was filling him in about how she got a paper cut and something happened."  Xander winced.  "So she's not seeing her as something other than a case."

"Can you cure it?"

"I can," he promised.  "We've talked a few times."

"I noticed she was jealous of Ianto too."

He groaned.  "I'm not doing that."

"I don't blame you."  He patted him.  "He's napping on you?"

"Apparently I smell like Ianto since this is his shirt."  He grinned.  Xander grinned back.  "Anyone up there?"

"Friends.  It's nice to have friends again."

"That's a start."

"Casual friends."

"Even better.  You could still use your own version of a companion."  Xander moaned, holding his head.  "I had no idea you had those too," he said, stroking over his hair.  "Bad?"

Xander blinked at him, sipping Jack's ale.  "Yeah.  We have stupid scientists and they're going to try to turn Nila into a Tardis."  He called the phone he had left on John's desk, getting Woolsey.  "Get me McKay please.  I just has a vision about Nila."  Woolsey summoned him and it was clearly put on speaker.  "Rodney, I had a vision about Nila.  The idiot wannabe is going to be looking over crystal resonance energy."  He listened.

"Yeah, for that cause.  He's looking at it to help Nila."  He heard the babble and winced.  "No, like she'll need to be a police box, Rodney.  Soon.  And we'll be trapped on her going around like pirates since I don't know how to pilot one of those.  About when I get back.  Please stop him?  Yes, him."  He sighed, rubbing his forehead and taking another drink.  The waiter came back with their lunches and another two bottles of good ale.  "Thank you," he said.

"You are most welcome, Lord Xander, and the one responsible earlier is quite sorry already.  Let us know if you need anything else please."  He bowed and left.

Xander listened to Rodney think.  "Yeah, that guy, Rodney."  He sipped his own ale, grimacing.  "Middle ages beer, all right," he sighed.  He took another sip and then checked his food before digging in.  "Well, I'd stock food this time," he said dryly, "and finish the bathroom quicker."  He took a bite.  "Exactly.  Thanks, man."  He hung up and tossed the phone back into his laptop bag.  "I do not want to hear the fit if he sees a small city traveling that way," he said quietly.

Jack burst out laughing, shaking his head.  "I can't even imagine his face if he saw it, Xander."

"I'm thinking I'd better run and hide even if it's not my fault."

"You, me, Martha, all his remaining companions had better hide.  Oh, we would be so screwed."

"Yup and he wants to do it.  Oh, god, I'm going to be so dead if he does it anyway.  And there's no bathroom right now."

"You'll be fine.  Remember to tell him you're trying to bring it back, you did not cause the problem, and hand him the guy who did."

"Yeah, definitely!  I'm not taking that beating alone.  Or the trip to the sludge planet.  You know, if we went and got a lot of that and the crystal serum goo from that other place, we could set up a killer spa."

"You know better," Jack taunted with an evil smirk.

"You think he'd really mind?"

"Yeah, I do.  I suggested letting people have some of it for mud baths.  His reaction wasn't pretty."

"Shit."

"I'd say he would, yes."

"Fine."  He stuffed his mouth, watching Jack and Landry carry out files.  He waved and they got waved off so they went back to eating for now.

***

Xander opened the door to the meeting of this committee bullshit with a kick and strolled in looking like he owned the place.  "Gentlemen, I do believe we have forgotten something important.  I'm here to correct that."

"Why?" one sneered.

"Because I know things that can make you boys drool over the tech, but you guys forgot the prime directive.  Do not give a race technology they can't handle yet.  Including the greedy ones."  He put something down on the table.  "You completely and totally forgot that there's those of us who've fought for a while too.  Pity.  Congrats on your death day." He walked off.  Behind him the bomb went off, vaporizing the carbon life forms.  Xander shook his head, leaving a message behind.  They were that stupid and it was annoying.  He went to see the scientist who was being a pain in the ass.  He got an interview fairly quickly on name alone.  He stared at him.  "Listen, I'm who I am, and I'm the nice one."

"Going to threaten me?" he asked sarcastically.

"No, I'm here to have a logical discussion.  The Trust assholes aren't that nice and they're coming too.  So I'm also a warning.  Because they're formerly NID."

The scientist across from him shuddered.  "I've heard."

"Good.  So let's talk.  Because, I do agree with some of your points, but not all of them."

"You're from them though."  He looked confused.  "You're Harris, right?"

"Yeah, a linguist and other stuff."  He smiled.  "They didn't send me.  They were going to send General O'Neill but he's a bit busy since the Trust is partially off-worlders."  The scientist moaned, shuddering.  "Exactly.  They're going to kill you.  I'm here to talk.  Because like I said, I agree on some points."  He sat down in the chair facing the desk.  "But not all of them and I think we can work something out."

"You do?"

"I do.  And that'll leave you to negotiate with the right people."

"Who would that be?"

"You know how much and you don't know who's in charge?" he asked dryly.

"Of course I do.  Do you know what you're hogging?  There's untold medical and scientific discoveries that are being kept secret!"

"Yes, but think about what the knowledge will do to the rest of humanity," Xander said quietly.  "Yeah, I agree, they already know some about aliens.  Knowing that there are friendly ones might ease some worries and stop some cults.  But... and this is a big but, there's ones that aren't friendly and they're coming our way first."

"They are?"

"Two.  One's like crazed right wing fundies that've destroyed *hundreds* of planets for not converting."  He tossed over something.  "Their book of converted planets."  He looked through it, giving him a horrified look.  "They want this galaxy as well as their own.  They're trying really hard and we're fighting them.  Plus the project I'm on has a race of beings that think of us like cows.  We have to fight them first.  I agree, we should be slowly getting people ready.  Especially with what's happened in England," he finished dryly.  "I know some of them and they agree.  People have to be prepared.  There's more things coming on our heads every year the more we explore."

"But the discoveries could help," he told Xander.

"Not really.  The Trust started out as assholes who wanted the tech for themselves to make loads of money."

"I don't."

"And that's why we're talking instead of someone having to be louder and yelling.  Or threatening.  I agree, some of it should be let out slowly.  But remember the prime directive.  Humanity isn't ready for wormholes.  They're ready for some alternative power sources or even some of the medical discoveries, though most of those take a specific gene to operate and that's found in less than one percent of the population."

He considered that.  "I understand that worry."

"Thank you."  He stood up.  "Right now," he said, taking the book back.  "It's not the right time.  Some, yes.  Work that out when Rodney McKay shows up or O'Neill or Landry or Sam Carter.  Yeah, the people are ready for some things.  They're going to freak and it'll change humanity too much at this point in time to learn too much.  We'll go militant, we'll destroy whole wonderful civilizations because they're different.  Not to mention the fundie backlash against this new stuff.  If they don't like the internet they definitely won't like faster than light communications or weapons that can protect us."

He swallowed.  "I can agree to that point but it's time for some of it to come out."

"So talk to the people.  Bring a concrete set of ideas that humanity is ready for.  That we can handle, it'll make life better, people won't panic about."  He heard a door open behind him and looked  "Hey, Rodney."  He nodded him in.  "We've been talking about the prime directive."

Rodney smiled.  This was an interesting turn since Xander was the main 'no, it's too future tech' complainer on their base.  "It is important."

"He's right, we may not be ready for everything but some things surely.  You're a scientist.  Surely you want to expand our field and our art."

"I do," he agreed.  He put down a folder.  "Which is why some of us are going to start announcing some things in this next year."  Xander beamed.  "They got the point.  Speaking of," he said, looking at him.  "There are some people who're panicking right now."

"The higher ups know," Xander told him.  "I guess it never trickled down yet?"

"Possibly.  The general wanted to see you."

"Greatly in a few."  He looked at the guy.  "Make small steps.  We don't want a hunt for scientists or gene carriers."

"No, I agree that would be bad," he said.  He nodded at the book.  "How long?"

"We're working on it now.  We're doing everything we can to keep them somewhere else.  Maybe three years if we can't stop them."

He nodded.  "What about space defenses?"

"We are working on that," Rodney assured him.  He looked at Xander.  "What's that?"

"The Book of Conversion."

"Our copy?"

"I kinda lifted it from that fleet commander's home during that mission."

"Good, hand it over," he ordered.  He looked at the scientist.  "He's a linguist."

Xander grinned.  "Did we stop him?"

"God I hope so.  He'd beat us all if he caught the idiot doing that.  Go.  That's an order."

"Yes, Rodney."  He gave the other guy a comical look.  "He's a slavedriver," he hissed then disappeared.   He handed the book to Jack.  "Didn't I give you guys that?"

"No, what is it?"

"The Book of Conversion."

Jack smiled.  "Sweet, thank you."

"Come with me to the people who actually know?"

"Sure."  He got up and locked the book in his safe before taking Xander over there.  "Same outfit, kid?"

"Special camo material that I can't tell you about."

"Uh-huh.  Useful?"

"Damn useful.  My favorite hunting outfit."  He changed it so it looked better and grinned.  Jack moaned.  "Way too future tech."

"I guess.  Some day?"

"Maybe."

"Fine."  He turned on the radio, making the kid relax.  This was a mess.  He wouldn't yell at the kid for it, he had understood why, but it was a huge ass mess.  Though it had solved a lot of problems.  They got to the Secret Service office and were let in to see the director based on who Jack was.  Jack smiled and shook his hand.  "Thank you for seeing us."

"Not a problem.  Is there a problem with this young man's security?"

Xander shook his head.  "No, the problem is that many people know I went to do something helpful but not legal, and the lower ones are throwing up a panic in the press because no one told them."

"That situation," he sighed.  He waved at the seats and sat in his own chair.  "We would rather that it be unsolved forever."

"I realize why," Jack said.  "But Xander is a citizen of earth and this country."

"I understand that.  I have no problem with what he did.  Especially not after I saw the things that they were doing.  That being in Club Nara?"

"Classified," Jack said.  "One of our projects is involved."

"I would've beamed him into space but I wasn't sure if someone was around," Xander muttered in his ear.  "And the others too."

Jack nodded.  "I might've done that too, kid.  So, what's the best in this situation?"

"I think in this situation, that we'd rather let it be known that they were an industrial espionage and semi-terrorist organization," he said.  "The director of the FBI agrees with me since they were."  They nodded at that.  "We will eventually put out that it was a covert operation to take out the cell that was going to bring down parts of industry and technology."

"Actually," Jack sighed.  "With the people in charge of them, they were going to use it to take over the world."  Xander squeezed his wrist.  "What?"

"Huh?"  Jack gave a pointed look at his hand.  "Sorry.  Rough briefings recently with Jon."  He removed it.

"S'okay, kid.  I know you and Jon work well together and I like that about you guys.  That's why I let you corrupt him away from hockey."  He smiled at the director.  "He's actually one of my linguists."

The director stared at them.   "I've heard some very strange rumors about your project, O'Neill."

"Still classified."

"I understand."  He wet his lips.  "How bad is it going to be?"

"Maybe three, maybe five years before it's blatant and UNIT is going to have work to do," Xander told him.

"Crap."

"Basically," Xander admitted.  "We're working on it though.  We've done shitloads so far."

"Thank you."  Jack grinned at him for that.  "So, do we have a plan to subtly introduce the topic before people have to panic?"

"I think England's doing a good job of it," Jack admitted.

"I've seen.  Even I panicked, gentlemen.  What can we do to protect the normal and the more important people?"

"The president already has plans in place," Jack told him.

"We do more than guard the president."

Jack nodded.  "Most of them can follow the same plan," he pointed out.

"I think the scientist dude did have a point," Xander admitted.  "We need to slowly up the level of the sciences.  Who knows where the next super geek might come from if they're allowed baseline access.  Especially if they can take stuff Sam and Rodney were doing a few years ago and then work up from there."

"I'm not against that point, Xander.  The IOA is."

"Because it keeps them in power," Xander said.  "Which we all hate because they're power hungry assholes.  That's why Woolsey isn't reporting about Nila."

"He isn't?"

"No.  He saw the point of not talking about her when John pointed out what had happened to her and all that.   He does wish she'd learn to like Sam Carter but Nila's so down on her that Dawn said she's only calling her the rude one.  She *really* likes Miko and Radek though."

"That's something we can work through later on," Jack decided.  "You've tried introductions?"

"Yeah, Sam's still seeing her as a program.  She even ignored her when she told her what she wanted to know."

"Crap.  I hate her in those moods," he sighed.

"Nila hates her period.  She keeps throwing her in the ocean."

"Good.  Any idea which base would integrate?"

Xander beamed.  "Boston."

"Shit, that's hers."

"She'll like the lab down in Antarctica better."

"There's a lab?" Jack asked bluntly.

"Yup."  He beamed.  "A full, working, with generators and all that lab.  For the weapons and theory stuff."

"She'll hate me for suggesting it."

"It's what she wants."

"True."  He considered it.  "I like Radek.  He's a good guy and he's put up with McKay for years."

"Miko's quiet but she's got steel and Rodney does treat her like he does Radek.  She's only walked off crying once that I've seen and then Rodney found himself without his passwords for a day."

"Ah, I heard about that.  Yeah, she's a little tigress."  He nodded  "I'll consider it, kid.  Will that bother you?  If Radek's there?"

"Jack, Atlantis is going to have to come back this way sometime."

"Good point.  Yeah, so we'll work on that."  He looked at the stunned director.  "That's years away."

"The other problem, beyond the ones that I deal with weekly, are like fundamentalist assholes who destroy cultures and people who don't convert and agree with them."

"Oh, crap," he muttered.

"We've been fighting them for over a year," Jack assured him, shooting the kid a glare.

"The Ori are more likely to get here first, Jack.  Even that missionary troupe."

"Good point."

"And they'd have to start with someone who had control.  I read the latest mission reports and they have been focusing on people in control to convert.  Like in the days of old, if a king or a queen converts, the whole country converts."

"True.  That's a future problem, probably at the range of two or three years."

"I want to know the *minute* they get here if they get here," he ordered.  "My successor will as well if I'm not sitting here."  Jack nodded.  "Thank you for that warning.  The other?"

"See us like cows," Xander said bluntly.  "We're tasty."

"Brain eating like on the movies?"

"Life force sucking.  Directly from you."

"Eww.  Okay.  The minute, please?"

"Gladly," Jack agreed.  "We're going to need help."  He looked at Xander.  "Since you're idea boy today.  Where are we starting with the leak of sciences?"

"The energy stuff can be dangerous but what about the chemical stuff?  The extra elements?  Say we found them in comets?  Provide proof.  Or the lower level energy stuff or even theoretical wormholes."

"I'll get McKay and Sam into a room to argue about that," Jack decided.  "Anything else you want to share?"

"Rodney has a clone-be-gone?" he said quietly.  Yeah, it was a lie.  He didn't want them to know that about him.  Rodney would scream and rant at him but oh well.

"As in...."

"Retro."

"Interesting."

"I promised to use it on Ba'al."

"Please.  That's annoying the crap out of me."

"Sure.  How many more does he have?"

"Sixteen left."

"I can do that.  I also think there's a way we could seed clouds with things like 'prior-be-gone' crystals."

"I hadn't thought about that.  Below a bomb I don't usually."

"Making it rain and making them melt will make a hell of an impression on the people they're freaking out and killing."

"Yeah, it will."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "Good idea."  Xander beamed.  They smiled at the head of the Secret Service.  "Still classified."

"I realized that.  We'll help however we can, General.  We want this planet to be just as safe as you do."

"We'll work on it," Jack promised.  "We're hampered by the IOA."

"Some of which were arrested," Xander said happily.  "For being fucking Watchers."

"Language," Jack ordered.

The director stared at him.  "You know about them?"

"I backed up Buffy for three and a half years."

"Oh, damn."

Xander smirked and nodded.  "Yeah, basically."  He stood up.  "So, are you going to help the lower guys quit going on CNN?  It's freaking me out, dude."

"I'll work on making that flow more subtle, Mr. Harris."  He smiled as they left then had his panic attack.  He had no idea how to handle this stuff!

***

Rodney smiled at Jack as they came out of the wormhole.  "Everything fixed?"

"Mostly.  We need to slowly leak some of the science stuff."

"I've already decided what can go.  Sam likes half of it.  She hates a few of the ideas because it could prove to be dangerous if a new super genius shows up."

"They do show up in odd places," Xander pointed out.  "Hell, we had three in our school that can build fully human looking robots that're voice responsive and lifelike."

"I'm destroying your town," Jack assured him.  "Names?"

"Andrew, Jonathan, and Warren, who the last I heard was going a bit psycho.  Ask your guys, Jack."

"I will.  Then we'll be doing something to that hellhole."  Rodney beamed at him for that.  "You made clone-be-gone?"

Rodney blinked.  "I've been working on the formula for years," he said slowly.  He looked at Xander.  "I noticed a tester vial was missing from my lab."  They were *so* having a screaming fit in a few minutes.

Xander shrugged.  "I went to go pick on Ba'al."

"Ah."  He smiled at the general.  "Did it work well enough?"

"Very well.  Harkness had someone who could reproduce it quickly for us too."  He smiled.  "I'm sure you want to tell him how Dawn did."

"She and Daniel have all but camped on Nila to get the journals done."  He smiled at Armand.  "Hello, dragon."  He steamed at him.  "No, the plants are in the office."  Armand hopped off Xander's back and walked off to go check on his family.  He nodded at the exit.  "They're on Nila, General."

"Thanks, McKay.  You two have a good talk.  I don't wanna know what you and the boy are going to get into next.  Super geeks scare me."  He walked off happier.

Rodney smiled at Xander.  Who disappeared.  "That won't save you," he called, looking up.  "You can't make it to the mainland because you don't know what it looks like."  He went to find him in his office or his bedroom or on Nila.  He found him hugging Dawn and walked over to pull him off by his collar.  "What is this?"

"Advanced camo.  Don't rip it," he complained.

"I think we should have a talk about that vial."  He smiled at Dawn.  "You can have him later."  He walked Xander off by force, taking him to his office.  He never used it.  He kicked the door shut behind them and stared at the boy.  "Clone-be-gone?" he asked dryly.

"Yeah," Xander said cautiously.  "Why?"

"I don't remember working on that formula."

"Um.... really?  I'm sure you did it."

Rodney pulled him closer.  "I want to know *exactly* what you can do, Xander," he said slowly and clearly.  "Future crap and all."

"I still can't do physics or math."

"I don't care!"  He let him go so he could grab something off Radek's desk then a few other things and walked into his office, stopping Xander from sneaking out.  "Oh, no!"  He put them on his desk and pointed.  "Sit."  Xander made a whining noise.  "I don't care!  You showed other skills we didn't know!"

"I don't want anyone to know," he complained.

"I don't care!" he shouted.  "At the very least *I* will know!  How dare you try this weak minded crap on me of all people!"

Xander slumped down. "Yes, Rodney," he said quietly, looking down.

"Good!"  He opened the books and pointed.  "Do those."

Xander looked then at him.  "They're math.  You're still fighting me on geometry."

He huffed and flipped them.  "There."  Xander sighed but picked up a pencil and a notepad to do the problems he selected.  Rodney paced, watching him.  He saw what he skipped and what he apparently knew a lot of.  "Engineering, not surprising with your past in construction and the love of it."

"Chemistry's the same way," Xander muttered into his test.  "You have to build things solidly, but it's different building materials."

"Yes it is."  He paused to stare at him.  "Chemical engineering?"

"No, chemical screwing around."  He pouted.  "Please?"

"Hell no!"  Someone tapped and walked in.  "Radek, did you know that Xander was hiding skills from us?" he asked once he was in and the door was shut.

"Yes.  I've seen hints of chemistry and building theory now and then," he said blandly.  He looked at the boy.  "Blew your cover?"

"I let Rodney take credit for the clone-be-gone."

"Ah."  He kissed him on the top of the head.  "What else did you do?"

"The last time I'm going to black ops anything forever and ever?"

Radek sighed.  "You did not have to."

"Yes I did.  They wanted to violate the prime directive."

Rodney huffed at that.  "Work.  Coo later."

"Shut up."  Radek glared at him. "You're putting too much pressure.  He did not want anyone to know."

"I can't talk about it if I don't have the notes," Rodney said firmly.

"I'll give you the notes," Xander promised.  He looked at Radek.  "They're not a problem and I got Ba'al again."

"I'm proud but there is no need for you to be doing that.  You are a language person, not a SEAL."  He smiled at him.  "Be a geek for now.  Let him know what you can do because he will be impressed and not yell for a few hours," he said with a wink.  "Then we will have dinner on Nila with Dawn?"

"I'd like that."

"Good.  Finish that.  I will hear from your lips later when we talk during games."  He left, going back to check and see what everyone else was doing.  He got to be the meany of the labs since Rodney was creating hell with Xander.

"If you had warned me," Rodney said, kicking the door shut again.

"I thought Jack would've mentioned it before now."

"I'm not in the habit of taking credit for things I didn't make."

Xander shrugged.  "I don't want to admit I know it.  You guys will expect too much out of me."

Rodney sighed, sitting down.  "No, even if you test out at Nobel level of chemical genius, you're a linguist, Xander.  I don't want a reluctant person in my lab, but it would let me come to you for emergencies when my own people are stunned dumb."

"I...."

"I know," Rodney admitted.  "I've seen the self esteem problems you have.  More than most people I've recognized where they came from.  You don't get to be me without interacting with people who're scared of their own brains and have been terrorized in school for years.  Half the geniuses I worked with were like you."  He stared the boy down.  "Now, finish that so I know what you can really do."  Xander sighed and pulled out his backup computer, getting into a few files to let him see them.  He sat down to read them over.  "Not very elegant but sturdy."

"It was screwing around."

"I can tell.  Whoever taught you chemistry had a good hand at it."

"The Doctor asked me to fascinate him so he couldn't build something dangerous that way."  He sighed and handed it over.  "Anything else?"

Rodney gave him an evil smirk.  "Confession."

"I'm not catholic."

"I don't care.  Every.  Little.  Thing.  Mechanical, chemical, biological, and medical if you have any."  He stared him down.  "I will not out you," he said firmly but quietly.  "Though I think you did out yourself with O'Neill since I had no clue and got ambushed with that knowledge.  I won't let anyone else know about it but I need to know what I can count on you to do when it's a crisis and everyone else is down."

"You saw...."

"I apparently missed some things," he said dryly.  Xander groaned.  "So let's go over them.  Now."

"It's in there," Xander said with a point.

Jack knocked and leaned in.  "Ask him how he created the bomb that didn't leave any signs of remains and didn't touch the furniture."  He walked off, letting the door close behind him.

"What did you use?" Rodney asked, looking bemused.

"Way too future."

Rodney held up a hand.  "I know, Xander.  I don't care!"

Xander ducked his head.  "I can't.  I'll get my ass kicked."

"Xander, I could probably figure it out on my own anyway."

"But I can't."

"I don't care," he said bluntly.  "It's not like I haven't already seen some of it."  Xander groaned.  "I can get you permission if you want."

"He'll kill me."

"Xander, you, me, Harkness, Faith, and a few others are in a rare group of being exposed to things outside our own timeline," he said impatiently.  "We, more than anyone else, can use what we have to help others."  Xander nodded, looking miserable.  "Even weapons.  I will not let it get farther than I am."  Xander stared at him.  "Really, I won't.  The math things got a bit out of my hands but no one else understood it anyway.  I'm not going to let it go but perhaps I can use the principle to make something that can help us against the wraith or Ori."

"But if I tell you and it gets out, then I'm in deep shit with the Doctor.  He'll beat my ass for that thing anyway."

Rodney stared at him.  "He knows about me.  He....  Cellphone," he snapped.  Xander gave him a clueless look but dug it out to hand over.  He looked, finding a number for someone.  "Martha Jones, Rodney McKay.  Yes I know I'm on Xander's cellphone.  No, I need to let him talk to someone who can convince him that telling me things is not going to get him into trouble.  That would be fine.  Thank you."  He waited while she used the special cellphone to call the Doctor.  It was handy he had one.  "Yes."  She connected them and he walked off to talk to him in a more private spot.   Including why and what he already knew.  He was already eons beyond most scientists and he could use the building blocks to learn his own things.  He came back and handed Xander the phone.

"Hi," Xander said, sounding tired.  He listened to the ass chewing the Doctor was giving with a wince.  "They were using future tech to try to take over the world, Doc.  Yeah, that's what I did.  The Trust."  He smiled.  "Yeah, that's what I did.  And the clone-be-gone."  He nodded.  "I'm letting Rodney....  Yeah, that's why.  Yes, him."

He grinned.  "He remembers you."  He listened.  "Exactly.  Which is what he wants me to do, Doc."   He listened to him.  "Well, I did have that one guy you wanted me to get into.  And then Jarol."  He nodded, making notes.  "That's what Rodney wants and I know he can't spread it beyond him.  Well, yeah but he's like an uncle kinda thing.  Well, I do like Radek, but that's... yeah, that's Radek."

He grinned a goofy grin.  "The other?  Oh, talked to Jack.  Evan Lorne."  He nodded.  He made another note.  "Are you sure?"  He nodded.  "That's what they're talking about.  Yeah."  He made another note.  "That's not a bad idea.  Thank you, Doc.  How's the new companion doing?"  He beamed.  "Good!  No, I'm here and so is Dawn since they tried to get near her and Gwen, Jack's coworker, convinced Willow to send her up to me.  Yup, up here.  Thanks, Doc.  I know, I'm a problem...."

He listened to his kinder, more peaceful words.  "Really?" he asked quietly.  "Thanks, Obi."  He beamed and hung up.  "You can't release this," he said with a point. "There's a super geek that can turn it into a weapon that he doesn't want to see."  Rodney nodded.  "The rest I'm allowed to tell you or Radek if I stay with him."

Rodney stared at him, smiling some.  "That's more than good enough.  Is the bomb part of that? " Xander pointed.  "The clone-be-gone?"  Xander pointed.  "Good.  When did you get this one?"

"A while back.  There was a program through the school so we could do our homework.  Willow signed me up and totally arranged everything then told me afterward because she wanted me to be connected.  Though she told me she didn't know what I'd do with it but it would hopefully help me do homework.  It embarrassed the hell out of me."

Rodney snorted.   "I'd still like to see her back on that burning pole."  He patted the boy on the head.  "Let me have those and we'll go over them later.  He liked you with Radek?"

"Jack told him and Doc said he remembered them, they were both very nice when he showed up to check on me.  But I can only do it if I'm staying with them."

"I understand why.  You did major in dangerous things."

Xander shrugged, looking tired.  "I can't teach you weapons at all.  But if I make one that's fine as long as it's used or destroyed.  I can't even let you watch me build them."

"I understand," he assured him.  "That's dangerous and could make him come kill us both."  He patted him on the head.  "Let's start on the first one."  Xander handed over a spare vial of clone-be-gone.  "What's this?"

"Anti clone."

"Shit," he said, putting it into a better sealed environment.  "It might hurt Jon."

"Has to be within ten feet."

"I'll make sure of it."  He walked it out there, finding Jon complaining.  "You can't get near this."

"Jack told me about the clone-be-gone," he said dryly.  "That it?"  Rodney nodded, letting him look at the outside of the vial.  "Now I know what it looks like so I'll let you guys go over that nasty shit.  Tell Xander we're doing team exercises tomorrow."

"I can do that."

"Good.  And Jack said he wanted to know about the stuff he's wearing.  It changes and it's like invisible cloth at times?"  He left.

He put the vial down in front of Miko, staring at her.  "It's a retrovirus against clones."

"I will keep it safe," she promised.  "It will not hurt him."

"Good."  He looked at Radek.  "C'mon.  You can help me with this strange new fabric he called camo fabric."  Radek grinned, going in there with him.

"Radek, the Doctor said I can't tell you anything about future tech really.  Not beyond this level.  He's making me go by the prime directive unless we're together for a good, long time.  I can't even teach Rodney that much."  He gave him a miserable look.  "Though he did say he liked you and you were nice.  That if I wanted to make a go of it with you that he'd celebrate you or Evan."

Radek stroked over his hair.  "He is quite right to do so.  What are you going to be showing Rodney?"  He saw the list and moaned.  "I would like to know some things."  He pointed.  "Those are in my fields."

"That one leads to weapons," Xander admitted with a grim look.

"Like the carbon destroying bomb he used the other day," Rodney told him.

"Dear God," he muttered in Czech.  He patted Xander.  "I will not pry.  I'm not like that."  The boy beamed at him.  "Though I will be working on chemistry with you if you want."

"Doc wanted me to go flirt with the guy because he was creating biological problems."

"Stupid of him.  You deserve better."  Xander beamed at him for that.  "Even if it was important.  Send Harkness.  You are too pretty to be a prize."  He stroked over his head.  "Now, off with the shirt.  I am going to confiscate this stuff so we can look it over."  He smirked.  "Then we can talk about that later, over games and movies."  Xander took off his shirt.  "Let me test it."

"In my office is a trunk of clothes that're special to me.  It came from in there and the label and info packet was in there."

"That will help.  You will show me later?"

Xander nodded.  "I can do that."

"Excellent."  He walked the shirt off, going up there to look at the trunk.  He found Faith in there moving things around.  "What are you doing?"

"I got told to put some of this stuff into the small storage area.  That it looked cluttered."

"No.  Leave Xander's office alone.  Who told you so I can make someone go scream at them?"

"Woolsey."

"Screw him," he said in Czech, making her laugh.  "All safe?"

"Of course.  I'd never hurt X ever again."

"Good.  Let me go yell at him."  She smiled.  "The plants are fine?"

"They woke up earlier to eat for D."

"Good.  What storage area?"  She opened the door and he sighed.  "No.  Pull it back out please, Faith.  That's not something he constructed.  I have no idea where it came from."  She nodded, pulling everything out with his help.  The door disappeared.  He smirked at her.  "Want to help me yell at someone?"

"Nah.  X," she called over the comm.  "The sudden door just appeared then disappeared again.  Thankfully all your stuff was out of it."  He appeared a minute later, looking around then at the spot.  He glared and fixed it.  He looked up and muttered something.  Rodney came jogging in a minute later to see what had happened.

"A suddenly appearing door?" Rodney demanded.

"Woolsey said to pick up his office's clutter and put it in there.  It only ate a pillow from a chair."

Xander grimaced and pulled out his spare blippy.  His main one was feeling a bit tired.  He accidentally brought them with him to bitch out the coven.  They decided he had passed everything and were going to leave him alone after his rant, then Radek's rant, then Faith growling at one that tried to knock her out.  Then Rodney let them have it when they tried to be mean to Xander with Radek.  Xander nearly sniffled.  He hugged Radek and got a pet back.  Faith went 'aw' and it was nice.  They left them alone and told Xander he was officially not under their training anymore but to come back if he had problems.

While they were there, Faith wandered off to look at a pretty stone garden they had against a wall.  She realized they were like Dawn's baby egg that she kept in her bra to keep it warm.  "X, is this where Armand came from?"

"Yup."  He came over to point.  "That's going to probably be the same species as Dawn's.  Those are bigger species.  And that one's like Armand's was."

Rodney came over to look, letting Radek do a grand impersonation of him.  He had coveted the dragon.  He had nearly kidnaped it a few times when it had come to cuddle him because he had been in a foul mood.  He missed his cat.  He had been very comforting when he needed to do something or sit and think.  He looked over the display, because it clearly was.  "They're all going to hatch?"

"Sometime," Xander told him.  "Most of the time, the eggs will glow to react to someone that they'd fit well with and then it'll depend on how old they are.  Some might hatch that day, some might hatch in months like Dawn's."   He looked then pointed.  "I nearly got that one.  It liked me too."

Radek looked but didn't get nearer to them.  He wasn't really the sort to nurture the sacred egg like Dawn did.  "It is pretty.  Are the lights special?"

"They're holding the eggs as eggs.  That way they don't suffer without a special person."  He turned away.  "Armand does beat a cat or a dog."

"Cats are nice," Rodney said.

"They're also particular, opinionated, and don't like me," Xander told him.

"There is that."  He looked it over again but turned away.  He wasn't magical, none of them would ever accept him.

"Um," Faith said.  "I heard a crack."

Xander looked it over, shaking his head.  "I don't see one."

"Let me move before I get a pet," Radek said.  "I'm much more used to vicarious pet ownership."

"You don't like my pet?" Xander asked him.

"I like Armand fine, but I have never wanted to own my own pet beyond raising pigeons."

Xander shrugged.  "I can understand that.  Armand was a surprise to me."

Faith backed away.  "I don't need a scared egg.  Thanks."  She stood behind Radek.  That way if something was coming it'd impress on him first.

Rodney shook his head.  Those two were strange.  Their brother/sister relationship was strange to him too.  He might never understand them.  He saw a bookcase and went to look at that.

Radek gasped when he saw the little thing.  "Xander," he said, waving him over.

Xander came back to look at it.  "Wow.  I haven't seen one of those yet."  He petted the soft nose.  It had soft, short, dark sable hair and large, tufted ears but it was the same overall shape as Armand.  Except it had wings.  "Sweetheart, I don't think you were supposed to hatch," he told it.  It sniffed at him then moved around to sniff at the other people.  She found her people and climbed up him, making him stiffen until she nuzzled the underside of his chin.  "I think it likes you."

Rodney carefully moved it with Xander's help so he could look it over.  "You're beautiful, what are you?"

"It's a crossbreed by the same people who made Armand's species."  He petted it after Rodney did.  The thing purred.  "It really does like you."

Rodney looked at it, then at the underside.  "Is it a girl?"

Xander looked under the tail, earning a hiss.  "He wanted to know if you're a girl.  Yup."  He petted her to calm her back down with her daddy.

Rodney smiled.  "I don't think I could keep her."

"Rodney, you've saved the universe," he pointed out.

"I know."  He let her snuggle into his arms and purr at him while he scratched her soft fur.  "Do you think she'll be able to fly?"

"I think so."  He scratched her ears, making her a happy cat dragon.  He looked around.  "Desmira?" he called quietly.  She came out of her rooms.  "Cat dragon?"  He pointed.

"When did that hatch?"  She hurried over to check the others.  "They're all fine.  Were they touched?"

"No," Faith said.  "I heard a crack and we all backed off fully.  She hatched and sniffled then found a human feeding slave."  Rodney glared at her for that description.

She looked then at him.  "Hmm.  Well, you're interesting."  She walked off and came back with some papers.  "Here, on the species from the people who created them."  She smiled.  "How is your egg, Xander?"

"Armand's wonderful.  Everyone loves him.  Hey, question.  Since I know that these little guys were created by the Dorsians, did they know anything about pre-human cultures?"

"Some.  Why?"

"Nila.  Furlings."

"Oh."  She nodded, finding him a few books.  "Here, but I want them back."

"I'll do that."  He smiled and kissed her on the cheek.  "No more fussing, right?"

"No, we won't."

"Good."  He gathered everyone and took them back with him.  Usually he couldn't do more than three but to the coven he could do more.  Armand leapt on him and climbed up, leaning over to sniff the new beast.  They both snuffled and that one purred, liking the daddy.  Armand nibbled her ear and snuggled his own daddy.  Xander smiled.  "Jealous?" Armand meeped and snuggled in better.  "I know.  You're not the only baby.  We'll get you used to it."  Armand purred, the new baby purred.  "So, what're we calling her?"

"I don't know yet," Rodney admitted.  He took the books and walked off with them and her.

Woolsey stomped his way.  "What are you doing?"

"Shut up!"  He walked past him and went to the lab.

Radek smiled at Xander.  "It is nice he got something to be fussy over.  Might leave us alone."  He took a quick kiss.  "Behave and come make him drool over other things."

"Maybe later."

"Hmm.  Then we'll play the new game?"

"I didn't get to pick up any," he admitted.  He looked at himself.  "You still have my shirt."

"You have no reason to hide behind a shirt, X," Faith said, walking off.  "Hi, Woolsey."

Xander looked at Woolsey as he stomped in.  "What?"

"What is that thing McKay is carrying around?"

"It hatched and decided it owned him."  He looked.  "Someone spelled you badly, dude.  Want me to remove it?"

"No!  The only one around her who can is you!"

"No, because the coven I trained with was just trying to screw with me."

"How did they get up here!"

"They're everywhere.  The planet where I had the assignment with Cam?  There were three there."  He growled and moved closer.  Xander handed Armand off and froze him then walked around him removing spells.  Lots and lots of spells.  He took the last one and unfroze him, watching him pant and look around in confusion.  "Yeah, some of the people that they trained went rogue," he said dryly.  "They don't often like me because of where I was born.  They were trying to fuck with me using you.  They can't do that now."

"You're an incredible amount of trouble."

"Yeah, well, my risks outweigh my benefit," he snapped back, making Woolsey stomp off.

"I like trouble," Radek said gently, moving closer.  "Was there anything they could have stolen when it was in there?"  Xander gave him a horrified look and dug, coming out grimacing.  "What?"

"Two spell books and a picture.  He apparently doesn't like Willow either."  He summoned them back and put them on his desk with a slam.  The person who had done it was now very sorry.  It had interrupted his spell.  Pity.  He took Armand back to cuddle him.  "Stupid sorcerer idiots," he muttered.  Radek gave him a stroke down the arm.  "It's fine, Radek.  Thank you for considering that.

"Someone always wants to bring down someone better than them."  He smiled at Evan when he walked in.  "We must make Woolsey sorry."

"I'm all for that, but why now?"

"He told him he's too much trouble."

"Bullshit," he said dryly.  He came in and smiled at Armand and Xander, giving him a gentle hug.  "You're not trouble at all.  You're fun and bring excitement."  Xander relaxed.  "Now, let's go talk about McKay's new pet before Sheppard gets back from the mainland."

"It hatched without him being near it and went right for him," Radek said.

"That's good."  He listened to the report.  "Let's go.  He's started on him."

Xander popped them down there.  "Is handy but nauseous making," Radek complained quietly.  "We walk more often?"  Xander grinned and handed off Armand.  "Yes, I will keep him."

"Those were sacred and holy gifts by a culture that predated the Ancients," Xander said as he walked over to them.  Woolsey stiffened.  "No one can predict who they will bond to, just that they do tend to bond to those who have a relationship with power flows mostly or with time lords.  Half the eggs wanted Doc the one time he saw them.  He recognized the egg I had and told me more about them than the coven had."  He stared at Woolsey.  "No, you can't get rid of her.  Even if you wanted to she's bound to him.  By her own choice.  She picked him and it's like imprinting a dragon on Pern.  I don't care what you like, or who likes it, but no, he could not have prevented it."

"He shouldn't have been there," he said firmly.

"Watch me knock you on your ass," Xander offered.  "Do not take that tone of voice with me or I'll lock your ass out of this city for good!"  Woolsey sneered.  Xander looked up.  "Atlantis?"  Her hologram appeared.  "Would you please make sure Mr. Woolsey gets to somewhere he can calm down before we both lose our temper?"

"Yes, Xander."  She bowed slightly.

"Don't do that to him!" Woolsey yelled, pointing at Xander.  "He's just a linguist!"

"There have been subroutines in my system since he left after the war to protect and honor him because he would be back," she told him simply.  Woolsey glared at her.  "According to our systems' files, he is our version of a Chosen One."  She smiled at the pet.  "Aww, a Sabra."  She scanned over it. "She is adorable.  One of us found the records and made his own.  I can release those records to you, Doctor McKay."

"Please," he agreed.  "Does she eat meat?"

"Yes.   She'll eat about what Armand does."  She smiled at Radek then at Woolsey.  "The Ancients knew Xander would be back some day and made appropriate plans.  Though they did not want him using magic on the city, I can understand why he does.  He needs his office and his bedroom.  Other than that, the city is a haven according to the mission profiles."

"Whoa!" Jack called, walking out to them.  "Problem is?"  Rodney shifted.  "Awww.  What is it?"

"A Sabra, child Jack.  A mythical creature that was created by a prior race," Atlantis told him.  "She is every bit like a furry dragon in some regards to put it simply since our files state that you prefer things that way."

"One of the sacred eggs hatched and she decided on Rodney," Xander told him.  "You can't change that.  No one can change her choice.  She's imprinted on him."

"Like a baby duck?"

"Closer to what Armand and I have."

"Okay," he agreed.  "And the problem is?"

"I took off a shitload of spells from Woolsey from the coven I trained with," Xander told him.  "He called me names then came down here to attack Rodney."

"Okay," Jack said.  "Woolsey, why are you attacking McKay over being chosen by a slightly empathic pet?"

"We don't need pets here!  They're a distraction, they're dangerous, and if something happens like another food shortage, they're in danger."

"Armand doesn't eat Marines," Xander said dryly.  "And if we run into a food shortage, I'm pretty sure at least some of us could solve it.  Maybe even by farming."  Woolsey's face went red.  "We know unclaimed places.  We could set up a farm for the city.  It's not that hard.  The botanists might even agree to it."

One of the botanists nodded.  "We'd like that.  It'd mean less gross dinners."

"That's a plan I don't see a problem with," Jack agreed.  "It'd let you guys store food for thinner times too.  I can get that cleared," Jack promised.  Woolsey glared at him.  He stared him down.  "It's practical."

"It's a distraction!  We can't be off..." he waved a hand, "farming when the wraith attack!"

"Technically, we might be able to ask the Athosians to help us with that, giving them part of it.  Like a barter and trade system," one of the social scientists said.  "They would like the extra things and the botanists can easily go over there whenever needed."  The botanist who had spoken up nodded quickly.  "Doctor McKay?"

"I would see that as a good use of time and it would mean better dinners at least half the year."  They all smiled at him.  "I do like salads now and then."  His pet shifted so he smiled at her.  "This is General Jack O'Neill," he said like Xander had taught Armand.

The sabra raised her head, sniffed a few times, then let out a bleeting noise.

Jack scratched her ears.  "You're cute.  Furry too."

"I used to have a cat," Rodney told him.

"I remember.  A huge fluffy thing that put enough fur on you to make half of Area 51 sneeze some days."  He smirked.  "Harris, no chance of stopping it?"

"No.  She wasn't supposed to be able to hatch."

"She?" Jack asked.  Xander nodded.  "Cross-breeding?"

"No clue.  So far Armand's only humped a dragon statue."

"McKay, find that out before we have baby furry dragons.  Will she fly?"

"Yes, we think so," Xander said.

"Have Sheppard help her to make sure she doesn't hurt herself.  Have him finish Lehane's and Harris's flight training too so they can use the chair better.  Woolsey, let's go talk since you're about to stroke out."  He walked him off.  When he started to complain, Jack made sure he walked off.  Maybe even a sedative was in order.

Xander looked at Rodney.  "I took everything I found off."

"Could someone do something that you wouldn't find?" Rodney asked.

"No.  Things like that leave a trace.  Unless it's chemical."  He considered it.  "There are drugs that can do that and with a suggestion planted...."

Rodney snapped his fingers at someone.  "Go take blood and search.  See if Keller can scan his brain too.  Most of those leave traces."

Xander smiled at the sabra.  Armand leapt over and curled up around his neck to coo at her too.  "She's a little, tiny one, Armand.  You used to be that young."

"Please don't," Rodney moaned.  "My mother told me the same thing about my sister."  He walked off.  "Xander, heel."  He pointed at his left.  "Radek, join him!"  He walked off shaking his head.  "And someone get me something to eat?  Traveling by blippy makes me nauseous."

"Yes, Doctor McKay," Miko said.  She pointed at one.  "Get it some light fruit and maybe some hamburger.  Armand will eat both of those."  That one ran off.  Her word was law when Rodney and Radek were missing.  She went to get some cooing time.  It was a very cute pet.  She wanted one so badly.

17: You Can't Return It

Xander looked up from his Rodney-given torture when someone whistled.  "Yes, I am that cute," he quipped.

Evan smirked.  "Not why I whistled.  Woolsey was drugged.  Keller found indications of it and he's horrified.  They've knocked him under hypnosis to find it and counter it they hope.  Also, O'Neill called Landry."  He handed Rodney something.  "As long as she's peaceful, isn't poisonous or anything, you can keep her.  Even if someone claims an allergy like they tried to do with Armand and then they'd have to prove it to make the complaint."  Rodney beamed and the furry one bleeted at him.  "Hi, sweetheart.  I'm Evan."  He let her sniff him and she nuzzled him then went back to sucking up to the daddy.

"She can probably smell food on you," Xander told him.

"You don't want a power bar, do you?" he asked, breaking off a piece of one to hand her.  She nibbled and bleeted for more so he fed her the rest in little pieces.

"I still don't see how you can eat those," Xander complained, going back to his torture.

"He likes MRE's too," Evan told him.

"Eww!  That's disgusting."

"They are not," Rodney told him.  He smiled at his pet.  "You'll learn to like them too I'm sure."

"If she's anything like Armand, nothing but trees and metal is going to faze her," Evan quipped.  He came over, looking at the book.  "Chemistry?"  Xander groaned and nodded, giving him a pathetic look.

"You can't save him until dinner time," Rodney ordered.

"Fine, I'll come save you then."  He smirked and walked out.  He went back to the control area since he was military head with Sheppard off base.  So he was there when he finally got in.  "Welcome back."

"It was a good day off," he said with a grin.  "No big disasters happened, right?  Please tell me no even if they did."

"Few things, one good, one strange which might be bad sometime.  Xander's back."

"Is that the good or the strange?" he asked with a smirk.

"I'm not like that!" Xander yelled from the hallway  "Mean shit!"  He kept on his way to the caf.

"Okay," John sighed.

"Sir, with the day and the fit Woolsey threw at him, go apologize," Evan said firmly.  "Now."

"Okay," he sighed, holding up his hands.  "So I take it today was complicated?"

"No.  Xander, Radek, Rodney, and Faith had to talk to his coven.  Rodney came back with a pet.  Woolsey's under the influence of drugs and suggestions that made him attack them."

"Shit."

"We're working on it.  Please, before he stays in hurt mode?"

"I am.  I know he's not like that."  He walked to the caf.  This time of day, that's where they'd be.  He found them and stared at Xander.  "I did not mean it that way, Xander.  It was a joke.  I came back in a good, goofy mood."  The boy still looked miserable.  "Hey, I know you're not like that.  You know that about me, right?"  Xander shrugged.  He gave him a pat on the head.  "I know none of the strange stuff is your fault.  It's from where you were born and most of the time you don't cause it, it just happens around you.  I know that."  Xander looked up at him.  "Who else said shit to get you this upset?"

"We had to talk to his coven earlier because they were screwing with him, and then Woolsey told him he was too much trouble," Faith told him.

"Well, he's wrong.  Xander knows I value him as a team member and as a friend.  Even if I do tease him now and then."  He looked at Xander, who shrugged.  "Now, I heard rumors about a new pet?"

Rodney coughed and pointed.  She was lounging on the railing, nose-to-nose with Armand.  "I haven't named her yet."

"She's a furry one."  He moved over to sit in the chair next to them, looking her over.  "Flying?"

"Probably."

"Sight?"

"She doesn't seem to have great mid-distance sight yet.  Very close or very far," Xander told him.

"Wonderful."  He held up a finger.  "I'm John.  I work with Rodney.  Will you like me like Armand does?"  Armand meeped and he petted him, earning a happy look and tail wave.  She yawned and snuggled back into the sun but didn't protest when he stroked a hand down her back or petted her ears.  "She's adorable, Rodney.  What're you going to name her?"

"I don't know yet.  She hatched when she wasn't expected to and climbed up me."

"I know you missed your cat."  He petted her some more.  "Very soft.  Even softer than deer fur, but about the same texture and length."  He grinned at the table.  "She good with everyone?"

"O'Neill got them both permission," Radek assured him.  "Armand is legally safe as well now."

"Good."  He looked at them.  "What does she eat?  And what species is she?"

"Atlantis called her a sabra," Xander told him.  "And said she'd eat like Armand.  Rodney fed her power bars."

"We'll feed her good food tonight," John said.

"Not from here we're not," Xander said, shoving his tray away.

John looked and grimaced.  "Not good."

"We suggested an off-base farm," Radek said.

"I like that idea," he agreed.  "On the mainland or somewhere else?"

"Debating it," Rodney said, stuffing his mouth again.  His baby lifted her head and sniffed then grimaced and laid back down.

Dawn stomped in.  "Xander, dinner, us?  Faith, coming?  Awww!" she cooed.  The new baby's head popped up and looked around.  "Who's the tiny, cute thing then!" she squealed, coming over.  "Aww, you're so adorable!"  The thing sniffed her.  "Whose?"

"Mine," Rodney said.  "Quit squealing before I go deaf.  This is Dawn," he told it.  She got sniffed and the thing crawled up her to sniff at her chest.  "Hmm, I thought you were female."

"She smells my egg," Dawn said, pulling it out to let her sniff it.  The beast nosed it then nuzzled her.  "Aww, thank you.  I'm hoping it'll be just as pretty as you are, sweetie."

Xander took the egg to look at.  "Cracking."  She squealed and sat down, the dragons coming over to look.   She let Xander hand it back to her, petting the shell in her hand. She tapped the crack a few times.  "Don't."

"Sorry."  It came open in her hand a few minutes later.  Both of the dragons nosed it in greeting.  "What are you, lovie?"  It uncurled and blinked up at her, making her fall in love even though it did look like a snake.  "Awwww."

Xander looked.  "Hmm.  A winged snake."  It looked at him.  "I'm Xander.  She's my pack."  It sniffed him using his tongue then slithered up Dawn's arm to her neck and settled there.  "Cool."

"Very cool.  I need to tell Mommy and Buffy."  Xander sighed but handed over his phone.  "I'll tell Ianto too.  He won't tell Gwen so she can freak out."  She walked off.  "Xander, dinner, Nila.  Faith, you can join us too."

"Coming," Xander said.  "Armand?"  He nosed her.  "Sure, you can help Rodney with her for now.  Come see me tonight?"  Armand roared and leapt to nuzzle him.  "I know, she's like a sister to you.  Your pack."  She nuzzled him too so he smiled and petted her.  "Good job."  She went to climb on her daddy again. Armand leapt at Jon, who caught him barely and let himself be cuddled.  Xander got up.  "Jon, remember to tell us if that gets out."

"I am, Xander.  Quit fussing and go eat with your pack."

"Fine."  He smirked.  "Not that you're not my pack too, O'Neill."  He strolled out there.  Dawn had made *real* food, not toxic sludge pretending to be food.  It was great of her.  He loved her for that.

Rodney smiled and let his pet sniff the food and turn her nose up at it.  "I agree.  Let's get some fruit."  Someone brought some over to suck up to her.  She let him worship her, as was her right, then ate and made him go away.  Like the daddy would.  She was so his!

John was smirking at him.  "She's a little sister?" he guessed.

"Perhaps.  Jeannie would love her."

"You can email her about it but you've got to pick a name."

"I'm doing that tonight."  He finished his sludge and got up to get something he could actually digest instead of crap out later.  She nosed something so he got that too.  So what if it was the last banana.  She nosed at something and he pulled away.  "No, I can't have that.  It'll kill me."   Armand hissed at it so she hissed at it.  He smiled.  "Exactly.  That's bad around me."  She nuzzled him and they walked off.  She hissed back at it but that was fine.

John smiled at Jon.  "Cute."

"Very cute.  Good of her though.  Maybe it'll help keep him out of citrus stuff.  Is that a fake one?" he called.

"Yes," the lunch lady called back.  "Of course it is.  I don't like pets in here."

"Oh well," John called back.  She grimaced but stomped off.  "I guess we're in for another week of that stuff," he said with a grimace at the tray.

"Apparently," Jon agreed.  He let Armand nuzzle John.  "Listen, Xander pulled out a clone-be-gone vial for them to test," he said quietly.  "We told Keller, we're telling you in case."

"Got it.  From where?"

"No idea," he admitted.

"Huh.  The thing with Woolsey?"

"No clue.  I was with Jack on Nila."

"Okay, I'll figure it out."  He went back to his own toxic plate and sighed, taking it to the General.  Something really had to be done.  He was with the shrink helping Woolsey so he waved him out, handing it to him.

"There's no way in hell I'm eating that, Sheppard."

"Us either."

Keller came out and grimaced.  "I've had a few people who're starting to lose weight, sir," she said.  "I can't make them eat that.  I gave them extra power bars and MRE's.  They ate those instead."

"That's sad," he decided, tossing it out.  "I'll figure that part out too.  Xander?"

"Dawn."

"Good.  Any names yet?"

"Nope."

"Fine.  Let me know."   He went back in there.

John looked at Keller.  "And?"

"Bad."

"Let me know."

"I will.  We'll meet later."

"Fine."  He left, going to see if Dawn made extra.  He had been having such a good day too!  Dawn and Xander were talking and she was giving his bracelet a coveting look.  "Xander, I will pay you to go get us real food.  Even just salad stuff.  Please?"

Xander smiled and pointed.  "You mean that stuff?  I taught Dawn how to teleport."

He looked and moaned in pleasure.  "I love you like a little brother, Xander."  He gave him a short, quick, manly hug and called Marines to come get the bags.  He took some things for himself and went to his quarters to make his own dinner.  This made the day better.  And hey, he wouldn't have to deal with Woolsey's issues really since O'Neill was there.  So yeah, happy day with a salad at the end.

***

Xander appeared next to Jack in his office, Dawn appearing a second later.  "That's a neat trick," Jack said, smirking at her.  "Welcome back, princess."

"It's good to see my loyal subjects who get it on in front of my perverted mind," she said with a beaming grin.  "Come meet Clover."

He got up and came over, staring at the thing.  "Your egg hatched that?"

"Yeah, he hatched the same day Rodney got his."

"His is a furry dragon," Xander said, letting Armand out of his pack.  Armand roared and bounded out to cuddle Ianto, making him laugh and hug him.  "Dawn's back."

"I figured she was."  He came in and looked at her.  "Interesting jewelry."

"This is Clover.  Clover, this is Jack and that's Ianto," she said, pointing at each.  The winged snake sniffed each and let them pet him.  She smiled.  "Can I come back?"

"Sure," Jack agreed.  "Xander blew up most of the problem."

"I heard."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "So can I show Clover around?"

"Go ahead," Jack agreed with a smirk for her devious look.  He petted Armand, waiting on the scream.

"What the bloody hell is that!" Gwen shouted and came running.  "Weapon!  You have my gun!" she complained, searching for it.

"Clover is her pet," Xander said firmly, staring at her.  "If you touch Clover, she'll turn you into a chowchow for Ianto."  She stared at him.  "By the way, nice hacking job, Gwen.  Thankfully my people caught it in time."

"She's not human!" she said firmly but quietly.

"She is human.  She simply used to be energy," he said firmly. "Energy that people fought and died over."  She flinched back.  "Energy that drew a hell goddess onto this plane to capture and try to use it.  So blow it out your ass and leave Dawn alone.  Because I am not as nice as Jack.  Really."

"He's not.  The Doctor called him his favorite asshole more than once," Jack agreed.

Xander smiled.  "That too."

"That was the most common name though."

"Yeah, I know."  He stared Gwen down, making her flinch away.  "I have fought and nearly died for this world.  I have been in battles for this world, Gwen.  I have the patience of a hyena on a hunt.  Am I clear?"

"She's...."

"Human now, yes."  He grabbed her and took her with him to Sunnydale.  It was dark there since it was mid afternoon in Cardiff.  He gave her a shove after handing her a stake.  Then he walked off.  "Dawn and I did this for years, as well as her sister and our friends.  Now perhaps you'll learn."  He hopped up on top of an above-ground coffin vault like you saw in New Orleans.  It wasn't long.  The demons could smell him and newbies.  "Hmm."  He tossed something at her feet.  "The green one needs that.  You can stake the others."

"Excuse me?" she demanded, picking up the dagger.  Something rushed at her and she reached for her gun but didn't have it.

"I'd stake that.  It's starving," Xander called.

She stabbed it but it didn't work.

"In the heart," Xander called helpfully.  She got it this time.  She panted and another one showed up to sniff around her.  Then she got attacked and it was bad.  She was nearly crying.

Buffy walked up to him.  "What's up?" she asked, shooting a few with a crossbow.  "Too uneven of odds."

"That's Gwen.  She works with Dawnie."

"She told me about her."

"She thinks Dawn's not human."

"Bullsnot.  She's very human.  Mom said so when she showed she was able to shop like a Summers woman."  She walked over, taking the stake and getting the others.  She got the one that needed steel with the hairpin she was wearing.  "Hi, I'm Buffy.  Big sister to Dawn."  She smirked.  "Welcome to the supernatural.  I'm the slayer."

"Um...  How?" she asked.

"Mystically chosen female warrior.  That's why they made Dawn my sister."  She looked over.  "Xander, what is Clover?"

"Black winged snake.  White stripe over his head from ear to ear."

"Giles said they're mythical bad things."

"It's very protective of Dawn.  Dawn is his mommy."

"Oh."

"Bonded to her like Armand is to me."

"Can you tell him that?"

"I did tell him that."  He gave her a look.  "We popped in for a second and he had an 'oh bloody hell' fit, followed by some glasses cleaning, and then nearly passed out when Clover let himself be petted by him but didn't ask for a sacrifice of more than the bagel he was eating.  He decided he must be Ethan turned into a beast."

"Where is Armand?"

"She's going to send him back since I'm here.  Doctor McKay got a furry version of Armand so he's been helping him by nuzzling the baby and making sure she eats."

"Aww.  Baby dragon love?"

"She's a girl."  He grinned. "Armand likes to curl around her and stuff too."  He smiled and waved at one thing.  "Hi, Spike.  Dawn's back."

"I'll go over sometime soon."  He looked at Gwen then at Xander.  "Wussely called from LA.  He said that order was in for you."

"We have had the *grossest* food recently.  I mean, even the lunch lady that wanted to kill us all fixed better food than that sludge.  Even the planet of sludge geysers was better than that stuff."

"Eww," Buffy said.  "Jack showed us pictures of Willow in one."

Xander smiled.  "I wanted to bring a lot down here and open a spa."  He heard a familiar whoosing and looked over as a police call box appeared.  "Hi, Doctor."

"Xander," he said, getting out and coming over.  "Gwen.  Buffy.  Agent Hart?"  He got a very confused look.

"No, spawn of," Xander said, hopping down to get a hug.  "Did you come to recharge?"

"I did indeed and saw her.  Jack said that you had taken her to show her why Dawn was human."

Xander pointed at the remains.  "They're not human."  She burst out crying.  "Hmm.  Spike, is she...."  He waved a hand.

"Up the duff?  Yeah."  He took out a cigarette to light and puff with a sigh.  "Pity the sprout."

"She'll go into cooing overdrive," Buffy assured him.

Xander smiled at the Doctor.  "I did as ordered."

"Good.  I like it when you follow orders.  I got told there was a certain thing that went off?"

"The Trust."

"Disgusting of them."

"Painless," Xander offered.

"Very.  Quite nice of you."

"They were coming after the program.  No one saw."

"Even better."  He smiled at him.  "Did I hear you making evil plans?"

"Maybe going to the planet of sludge geysers and bringing some back for a spa?  Maybe that crystal syrup stuff too?"

"No," he said with a smile.  "No bloody way, Xander."

"Damn.  It'd give Dawn a good shopping budget."

"Speaking of, I was looking for you.  Why do I have a closet with your name on it?"

"Ummm....  With Nine, drunken celebration on Abraxis and Seleta?  Um....something like New Year's and Beltane together?"

He thought back.  "I don't remember that," he said.

"Yeah, we were kinda...drunk.  Beyond drunk.  I think you nearly regenerated you were so drunk but then you puked up the alcohol and went back to it."

"Oh, well I do remember that sensation."  He considered it, shaking his head.  "What did you get?"

"I don't know but I have to pick up some stuff in LA to bring back to the base.  We have gross, disgusting food."

"Worse than the slugs?"

"So much worse than the coffee-flavored slugs."

Buffy gagged.  "Eww."  She walked off with Spike.

"So you're off to grocery shop?" the doctor asked with a smirk.

"I've got some stuff waiting for me in LA.  Dawn knows to make Ianto take her to get some more stuff to bring up for a minute.  Did you see Clover?"

"I did.  He's very sweet and highly protective of her."  He smiled.  "Come on then, before you wear out your bracelet."

Xander beamed and pointed at Gwen. "Buffy?"

"I'll call Dawn," she called.  Jack appeared and took off with her.  "That's handy."

"Non magical too," Xander called.  He walked with the Doctor back to the tardis.  "So, how is the new one?"

"She's back with her sister for a bit.  Her sister's getting married.  Can't really stand either one.  They're a bit mealy minded."

"I still say you should bring Rodney with you."

"No because he'd ask questions about everything technological.  I can't have that."

"I know."  He grinned as they shut the door, giving him a hug.  "Just make sure I get back there by tonight."

"I think I can arrange that," he said with a grin.  "Naughty padawan."

"Well, yeah, what else did you expect since I cut off the hair?"

"Hmm, I do almost miss the middle ages hair you had.  Nice handhold for when you were getting into trouble."

"Did you bring us away from that silver, star shaped plant more than once?"  The Doctor stared at him.  "They found some and the botanists were looking it over.  Got the whole damn base, Doc."

"Oh, god, that must've been a mess."

"I got to give out food and stuff between things.  We even had an attack so I got to have sex during it while we fought it."

"You're amazing, Xander.  Never change."  He got them started, picking up the stuff from LA, and then they were off to do a bit of naughty exploring while Xander got his things out of his room.  The tardis had made him his own room.  With a huge bed.  It was really unfair to his new companions.  Though she did let Jack use it.  And his sex toys.  And even his clothes.  Jack had looked wonderful in those special camo pants of his.  Xander came out wearing less and with his hair messy, earning a smirk.  "You really are naughty today."

"Yup.  It's been days."  He strolled over to cuddle him, sliding a hand down his stomach.  "You haven't been eating."

"I have so."

"You have not."  They smiled at each other because this was a familiar argument.  "Want me to make you lunch?"

"If you wouldn't mind."  Xander strolled off and the Doctor let them go wherever for a few hours.  He did like how Xander made him happier.  It was almost better than Jack sometimes.

***

Xander walked out of the police box and looked around then stuck his radio in.  "Evan, come get this stuff if you want to eat," he called.  "Now."

John came jogging out.  "We thought you had abandoned us."

"Isn't it the same day I took Dawn home?"

"Yeah.  But it's been hours."

Xander smiled.  "I had to stop and get things for the botanists to use."  John hugged him and went inside.  "How's my office?"

"Just the same, Xander.  Your bedroom too.  Evan's up there on downtime since he nearly kicked one of the new kids."

"They deserve it?"

"Yup, so I gave him a day off playing your game system.  Hi, Doctor."

"Colonel Sheppard.  Wonderful to see you again.  I swear, he shops like a girl sometimes."  Xander smirked at him.  "Though, you're right, those pink snoballs were wonderful."  Xander beamed.  "I still miss the hair though."

"We'll see."   They got the things out of there and Xander got his bedroom's stuff.  Well, most of it.  He knew Jack liked some of it.  And so did the Doctor.  He walked that out too, stopping to grab a bag but the doctor took it back.  "You said I could give that to Rodney."

"I also said I wanted to talk to him about it first."

"I'll get him down here," John promised.  "Xander, this green plant is for botany?"

"That's an aloe plant, John.  The purple things?  They're constantly self producing.  It was a failed experiment since it won't stop.  The guy let me buy both from him.  They taste like a cross between eggplant and broccoli."

"Cool.  We can try that.  McKay to the pier to talk to Xander."

Rodney came out with both dragons, letting them both cuddle the Doctor and Xander.  "What is that?" he asked.

"Later," Xander called.  He dropped his stuff outside.  "Mine and only mine but I might share the sex toys."  John gave him a dirty look but got Evan down to carry them up for him.  He took Armand to cuddle, making him a happy dragon.  "Did you have fun today?"  He shut the door and sat down next to the Doctor, getting a hug from him and they settled in to talk about the thing in the bag.  Which would destroy the wraith.  It was something Xander had spotted and worked on but it was so far over the line of 'too far from the current timeline' that he wasn't sure.  Rodney made valid points and was a bit officious but that was Rodney.  The Doctor ended up deciding to leave it with him, to be used at Xander's discretion since he had made it.  Rodney nodded he understood and it was fine.  They could handle that.  He let Xander go with one last hug for him and the dragon.

"Next apocalypse, you call me," Xander said, staring at him.

"If I can."

"Remember, I can get there."

"I know."  He stroked his cheek.  "So, human life, then cabin?"

"Yup.  Oh, Nila's here."

"That's wonderful."  He walked out to look her over with him.  He spotted something.  "Xander?"

Xander looked then sighed.  "I had a vision and called to stop him.  Rodney!"  He came jogging back and he pointed.  "Didn't we stop him?"

"I thought I had," he complained, coming over to make sure it did not and would not work.  "We thought we had stopped him."

"Because I knew you'd find out and beat me even though I had nothing to do with it," Xander said.  "Especially since I don't know how to fly one of those.  I did not want to see your face if you saw a small city in the time stream."

"If he should I'll get him, because I know there's people around here who probably could by fusing some of the city's technology and their own strange brand."  He looked over it.  "It's not very powerful.  You'd get stranded a lot.  It also looks like the center crystal is cracked so you'd probably end up in another reality."  Rodney gave him a horrified look and found something, swearing as he disconnected it.  "Bad?"

"Alternate reality engine," he said, holding it up.

"Thank you, I think that's dangerous," the Doctor said, snatching it to look over.

Rodney looked up.  "The me in another reality made it.  I had to fix it to save us.  I had it stored in a safe."

"Charming.  Thankfully this you has more sense."

"Yes I do."  He finished destroying the engine and sighed, standing up.  Mira meeped at him.  "Yes, that was a good job to break it," he told her.

The Doctor smiled at Armand meeping back at her.  "I do love the pets."  He kissed Xander on the forehead, staring at him.  "If he does break it, call."

"If I can," Xander said dryly.  "Sometimes you're a hard guy to get hold of."

"Well, yes.  Especially around some supernovas."  He shrugged.  "Let me get her going again."  Faith came in and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  "Hello, Faith."

"Hi, Doc."  She smiled at him.  "Did you see Mira?"

"I did and she's quite lovely."  He smiled at her.  "Have you been doing all right?"  He walked them back out.  The AI came out to stare at him.  "Hello there.  I'm the Doctor."

"I have you in our database, Doctor.  You are most welcome on both of us."  She smiled.  "It is good that Xander and Faith are close to you.  You must have helped Xander immensely when he was alone, as I was."

"I did.  Jack as well."

"I have him in our records as well.  Very nice man who flirts."  She smiled at them.  "Thank you for saving Xander so he could save me."

"It's no problem.  People like you and him should be saved."  She beamed and faded out.  He looked at Xander.  "You're turning into a young me."

"No accent and I'm from the south, not the north.  But maybe some year."

"Hmm.  Perhaps," he agreed with a smirk.  Xander smirked back.  "Behave.  Before I spank."

"Again?" Faith teased.

He laughed.  "You have no idea."  He heard a groan from his box and looked.  "What the hell," he muttered, walking that way.  Rodney followed with Mira.  Faith came too.  She had been in there before.  She could help because he said she was a good mechanic's assistant.  "What did you do?" he asked the engine.

Xander looked.  "It looks like...  Hey, Rodney, can we have that blue crystal?"  He went to get it and brought it back.  "Will that work?"

He looked it over.  "Yes it will.  I never burn those out."

"Well, maybe she wants to stay," Xander said with a shrug.  "Faith said she liked her too."

"True."  He and Rodney got it installed and she took off.  "Now see here," he complained, staring at it.  "You're not supposed to do it on your own!"  He went to find his mallet.  This really would take some banging to fix.

Outside, John watched it fade, sighing in displeasure.  "That's going to suck.  Radek, you're in charge of the scientists.  The Tardis took off with the three of them in there."

"Oh, dear," he sighed.  "Xander told me she was alive and like Atlantis."

"I think this is her idea of making the Doctor happier," John said.  "He did look very pleased to see Faith too."  The tardis reappeared and Rodney walked out with Mira, who was cooing back at them.

Xander came out with longer hair, shaking his head.  "Christmas, Obi."

"Yes, padawan."  Faith snickered and got a hug and a kiss.  Jack walked out as well.  He looked at John.  "I don't know.  She decided I was moping I suppose."

"You're welcome here whenever you want, Doctor.   Especially since you saved Xander and he's saved us a number of times."

He smiled.  "He's rather like that.  You should see him joust."  Xander blushed.  "I meant on a horse, not like where Faith got you and Jack into, young man."  He took another hug from them.  Armand came out with something.  "Yes, please, all of you get the things.  I feel like a storage bin sometimes."

Xander smirked at him.  "Not like you don't enjoy some of them."

"Well, yes, I did.  Especially those grapes.  Tell me you left them there?"

"Hell no.  There's some growing in your garden."  He smirked.  "I should take a cutting."

Jack popped him on the back of the head.  "No way in hell.  Those are worse than the damn plants."  Xander squealed and went to save his plants.  He sighed, looking at the Doctor.  "He's so young."

"He's older than we both are combined."

"He's still so young."

"It's good to see him that age."

"Yeah, it is.  It's damn good to see him that age," he agreed.

"He was too adult even way back when, guys."  Xander came out with a few more trunks and one really strange looking box.  "The garden?" she guessed.

"Nope.  Though I do need to get those."  He went back for those.  "The strange one is your boots, Faith."

"Cool."  She took that one.  She checked the others, handing Jack one.  The other was hers.  Xander came out with a bag.  That was all, a bag.  "Plants?"

"And my stuff."  He gave the Doctor another hug, under his trenchcoat and all. "You call."

"I'll call," he promised with a smile.  "You or Jack.  Now, I should go pick up Rhonda."

"No," Jack said.  "She's frustrating you, Doc."  He poked him on the side.  "Want Dawn?"

"I'd never have enough room for the shopping," he complained.  "Though I might pop in and steal Ianto."

"Take Martha.  She could use some fun," Xander said quietly.  "Or... well, no, the memory thing can't be reactivated, right?"

"I wish but no."

"Well then, there's Kissen."  He was bouncing around and got his own hug.  The Doctor smiled and stole him for a bit too.  Xander grinned as they took off.  "That'll help."

"He'll find another one soon," Jack promised.  "I should head home."  Xander took him and his trunk then came back to get his bag.

John was looking inside it.  "Xander, why do you have rubies on a plant?"

"Because it's not rubies.  They're called blood berries and they're very tasty."  He looked around.  "Armand?" he called.  He meeped.  "Thank you.  I know he's a great babysitter.  That's why we got him Benne and Donna."  Rodney laughed, shaking his head.  "He'll treat them very well and they'll love him for years."  He walked off with his bag, helping get Rodney's stuff back to his rooms then went up to his.  "Hi," he said with a happy grin.

Radek stared at him.  "You went looting?"

"Nah, Doc wouldn't let me when we ran into that wreckage."  He shrugged.  "But, I did get you two some presents."  Armand cooed at them, curling up on the bed.  "Hedonist," he teased.  He dug things out, including his plant samples.  He loved offensive herbology.

"What're the ruby things?" Evan asked.

"Blood berries.  Very good but they're a mild relaxer."

"I should have Keller check those for Woolsey," Radek said.  He took his wrapped thing.  Evan got his.  Then Xander pulled out the rest, which made the room a bit hard to walk in or move at all for about ten minutes until things got settled into place.  "Xander, this is," he breathed.  It was a crystal scarab that matched his eye color.  "Safe?" he asked, looking up at him.

"Yeah, it's just pretty," he said with a grin.  "You needed a new paperweight."

"I did."  He took a kiss and a hug.  Evan smiled at his.

"I knew you needed some pigment so you can mix those, right?"

"I definitely can."  He took his own hug and kiss.  Then a deeper kiss.  Radek got his own.  Armand grumbled but moved to the dresser, making them all smile.  "We  should hit botany."

"Later.  I'm sure nothing will eat us," Radek promised.  They put their presents safely out of the way of them and the dragon then got happy together.

John walked in about twenty minutes into it and paused.  "I don't wanna know," he said.  Evan squeaked and groaned.  "Sorry.  Next time lock the door."

"Your present is in Rodney's stuff."

"I saw that.  Thank you.  Anything going downstairs?"

"Botany but it has to be carried."

"I'll let them know to come up in about three hours.  Be happy, guys.  We like you guys together."  He walked out smiling and made sure the door locked behind him.  He stopped Jon at the transporter.  "No, you don't need to walk in on them too."

"Oh, jeez," he muttered.  "Bunnies?"

"Hyper bunnies."  They shared a look and locked the transporter too once they were out of it.  Xander could unlock it from his end and he had the only room up there.

***

Xander walked into Botany and stared.  He had been back for three weeks.  Something was not right and it wasn't his plants.  He stared at the snogging botanists, who hated each other and two of them were gay but kissing opposite sex scientists.  He tapped his comm.  "McKay to Botany please."  He hung up and looked around.  "Atlantis, is this a new spore?" he asked calmly.

"No, my sensors don't indicate anything of the kind, Xander," the nearest image projector said.

"Hmm."  Rodney and Radek walked in and paused.  "Does it seem strange to you guys that the very gay lesbians are kissing the very gay guys and the two that can't stand each other because they're ex's are snogging?" he asked them, unable to look away.  "Atlantis said there's no spores."

Rodney cleared his throat.  "This is not acceptable lab behavior!" he said loudly.  They ignored them totally.  He blinked.  "Well."

"Yeah," Xander said.  "I'm ready to gouge my eyes out here, guys."

"Yes, as I am," Radek agreed.  "People, is disgusting!" he shouted.  One moaned.  They all backed out of botany.  Rodney took air readings and then went to look at the plants, coming out shaking his head.  "Fire hose?" he suggested.

"I'm not sure it'll work," Rodney complained.  "Usually I'm enough to make anyone quit lusting.  Unless they're after me of course, but others I meant," he babbled.

Xander gave him a hug.  "You're more than worthy to lust over.  They're just scared of your mind, Rodney."

"I know they are.  Hug Radek.  He's more your type."  Radek snickered, taking his own hug.  He activated the sprinklers in there.  No change.  He called the infirmary.   She showed up looking curious.  "We've tried cold water, there's no plants causing it, no air quality issues."

She looked and covered her eyes.  "That's bad."  She went in to break them up.  They pulled her in and within a few seconds she was happy too.

Xander looked at Rodney.  "I'm not that brave.  They'll all want me.  'Cause this is clearly evil."

Rodney sighed, calling Sheppard down.  Just requested his presence.

"Thank you for sparing me some paperwork but what's wrong?" John asked.

Rodney pointed.  "They sucked Keller in when she tried to physically break them up.  Two kisses and she was involved.  We've tried water and it's warping Xander's brain.  Plus mine.  I don't mind thinking about lesbians but really."

John looked and groaned, calling a few people from the infirmary.  They came jogging down with help.  "We don't know what's prompting it," he said.

"It's clearly touch oriented since it sucked Keller in," Xander told him.  "I was in there for three minutes staring in horror and it didn't get me."

"You have that funny mutant blood," one of the nurses told him.

"It's not like I'm Wolverine or something," he said dryly.  "Even the spores got me."

"Really?" she asked.  "I remember you bringing around food."

"I've had a lot of experience controlling those desires, even when drugged and needy.  I could take twenty to feed you guys while the place I was recovered."

"Oh.  Place?"

"No comment."

"Pity.  There's a bet you know."  She went in but they sucked her in with a single kiss.  The other nurses backed away.  John got them Marines to lead the whole group to the quarantine room.

"Xander, blood work," Radek said.  "Us too probably."  Rodney groaned.  "Just in case it is a subtle infection."

Rodney looked at him.  "Needy today?" he asked dryly.

"No.  Not today."  He smirked back.  "Some of us had quite a lot of fun to cure that need.  You should someday soon so your temper lessens."  Xander looked at him.  "What?"

"Did you get up and play the stripper subgame on GTA without me?" he asked.

"Yes.  Was fun.  Could not sleep with Armand trying to snore into my stomach after we fell asleep during the last game."

He nodded.  "He does that to me sometimes too.  Or I get tail tip rubs that drive me nuts and makes it hard to sleep.  I keep thinking it's Anya's nails."

"Should we move that couch up to his room?" John asked him quietly.  "So falling asleep during games isn't a problem?"

"He has huge bed.  I can sleep on the foot and not run into him.  Though he is very cuddly when he falls asleep during games."

"Good to know.  Go get blood work since you're not usually this blunt."  Radek sighed but did it, dragging Rodney with him.  John shook his head.  Evan Lorne was laughing across the hall.  "What?"

"Armand is the cuddliest little thing," he assured him with a grin.  "If I end up sleeping up there, he's usually snoring in my ear and wrapped around my shoulder."  He walked off too.

"I think he needs a cot for show," John decided.  He went up to check and got him some extra blankets and things to put on the nice, comfy, cushioned bench that ran along the footboard.  That way they could pretend to do that instead.  Though it was a huge bed and it had been very comfy.  He blocked that thought out and went to the infirmary.  It wasn't his right to sleep in it anymore.

Xander stared down from the observation deck, grimacing.  "They have the spores somehow," he decided.

One of the Marines nodded.  "Looks about how I felt."

"I'm wondering how and why," Xander sighed.  He went to check the lab with Rodney.  He could feel the little things radiating.  He felt it and paused.  "Shit.  It was on purpose," he said quietly.  Rodney's head popped up from his scanner.  He pointed.  "Labeled even.  Baby lotion."

Rodney came over to scan the bottle, grimacing.  "Why did they want to do this again?"

"I'm guessing here but since that bottle isn't usually baby lotion someone wanted the intended side effects."

Rodney got into another file on his computer.  "The three females had requested to go back to the mountain in four months," he sighed.  They shared a look.  "So it's touch sensitive.  Let's get the others checked."  He walked off to tell the doctors that.  Xander carefully put it into a bag.  Then he made sure it was sealed.  He did not need it on him.  He didn't need to know if he could get pregnant.  He walked it up to the infirmary.  The second-doc-in-command took it from him.   She had gloves on up to her elbows and a mask.  "I made sure it didn't get on the bag itself."

"I don't care," she told him.  "I don't need kids."  She put it into their hazardous material vault and wrote the log entry then sealed it in.

Xander walked off.  Rodney was off complaining to John and Woolsey so he decided to join him.  "It's locked in the hazmat vault in the infirmary," he reported.  "Were they fully aged spores?"

"Yes, apparently they saved some samples during their admittedly crappy scrub-down after the event," Rodney complained.

"Rodney, some people would do anything to have a kid," Xander reminded him.  "I'm not one.  You may not be one, but some people spend *millions* trying to have a baby instead of adopting or even becoming a foster parent," he said quietly.  Rodney grimaced but nodded.  "And for those who swing my way, there's even harder things since most egg banks won't help the gay guys and most sperm banks won't do lesbians."  He sat down.  "I'm guessing the married couple wanted one even though they couldn't stand each other.  Or one part did and talked the other into and said they'd take full custody."

Rodney looked.  "He did ask to transfer back stateside as well," he said with a grimace.  "He's been out here since the first year."  He sat down with a groan.  "It's insane."

"I agree with Harris," Woolsey said.  "I know people who've spent thousands of dollars on fertility treatments, shots, sperm banks, all that, and still ended up without a child, but scoffed when someone mentioned adoption because they had to have one of their own."

"Which I see as pretty selfish," Xander pointed out.

"Are you going to adopt some day?" Rodney asked him.

"I'd warp a kid otherwise I might.  If I did, the kid would turn into Ronon."

"He would," John said but he was grinning.  "You'd have the best kid in all the disciplines of fighting and then tops in his college classes."  Xander smiled at that.  "You have to admit, it costs a lot less to do that for four days than it does to take shots, go through fertility treatments, or IVF, all that, Rodney."

"It may," he agreed.  "But if they had told me I could have covered for them.  Put them off the duty roster or something.  No one told me anything so we're short most of Botany."

"Women have a very short fertile period," Xander pointed out.  "You'd be short most of botany anyway.  Someone needs to go stick Keller with an anti-baby potion."

Rodney called the infirmary.  "Jacob, McKay.  Who did you stick with the anti-fertility drugs?"

"No one yet, sir.  Why?"

"Because it appears the original group was doing so to get pregnant.  Only stick the later ones."  He hung up.  "That way they don't have to do it again."  He grimaced.  "I hate hiring for botany.  I never get people I can trust."

"So ask Doctor Brown to do it for you," John said quietly.  "She doesn't hate you."

"No, she doesn't.  I might."  He looked at Xander.  "You didn't touch it, right?"

"No, I don't want to know if I can get pregnant," he said dryly.

"Is your basic anatomy skill that low?" Rodney demanded but he was smiling.

"I've been surrounded by DNA warping energy all my life have merman DNA added to mine, and in case you forgot I'm the one who's warped every single prophecy I run into and half the other situations too.  What makes you think it's outside of any possibility," Xander countered but he was smiling.

"True, some fish do change genders," Rodney said, considering it.  "I have no idea how we'd figure that out for you."  He wrote an equation on his tablet PC and hummed.  "No, that'd only work for John and his bug DNA."

"Gee, thanks," John said dryly.

"I figure the universe wants to play more games with me," Xander said with a small shrug.  "Thankfully I use condoms.  Almost always."

"If you should get pregnant, you're going to be watched very closely," Rodney said impatiently, glaring at him.

"No, if I do, I'm hiding my ass so I can't be seen by anyone."  Evan walked in, giving him an odd look.  "Pointing out if there was a single possibility point of a chance of any male getting pregnant it'd be me."

"You do the impossible," he admitted dryly.  "Are you out of condoms?  I thought I heard you mumbling about that the other day."

"Oops."  He pulled out his phone and called Dawn.

"How does that work from another galaxy?" Woolsey demanded.

"Magic," he said simply.  "Dawnmeister, me.  No, small issue.  Use some of your shoe shopping money to get me some condoms and lube please?  Thank you.  Yeah, I'm about out.  No, we were talking about me being the only possible male who could get pregnant from those spores.  Someone was using it for that effect."  He grinned.  "Good!  I'm glad it didn't affect you, young lady.  Because you're surrounded by little shits, that's why.  Well, if Owen had been around ...."  She shuddered and hung up.  "She'll make sure I get some in case I want to play sometime."  He put his phone back.  Woolsey took it look over with Rodney's scanner.

Rodney gave him a pointed look.  "That doesn't pick up magic."  He took them both back, handing Xander his phone.  "Did they say you were still too fucked up to get someone else pregnant?"

"Yup."

"Good.  I'd hate to see that with who you play with."  He got up and walked off.  He'd miss Radek if he got pregnant.  He'd have to break in a whole new second-in-command and toughen them up.  Miko wouldn't be pleased.

"I'm so glad too," John said, smirking at Evan.

"I'd be adorable if it was me," Xander quipped to break that train of thought.  "That's why I'd hide.  So no one got tummy petting in."

Evan looked at him.  "Go eat and then get some sleep, Xander.  You clearly need some sleep.  Too many video games and not enough sleep makes you go strange."  Xander shrugged, walking off to follow that order.  "Let's not find out, sir.  Please?" he begged.

"There's no way I want to see him pregnant, Lorne.  Relax."  Evan gave him a pointed look.  "Or anyone by him.  It'd freak everyone out.  We'd have Rodney walking around pulling at his hair again."  Evan shuddered, walking out to go to his own office.  John looked at Woolsey.  "What?"

"I think we'd have him screaming and ranting first."  He left to take something for his headache.  Now he knew why Weir had advised him to bring up headache pills of his choice.  He had known before but this proved why she had liver toxicity from tylenol poisoning when she died.

John sat back, smirking at his work.  Yup, everyone now had bad mental thoughts.

***

Xander looked at the scientists he was bringing dinner to that night.  He stared at them.  "Doctors Keller and Borden, you two should probably go find a nice spot like your rooms.  Guys?"  They came in to get them and take them to the infirmary.  He handed out trays of real food, from the stuff he had brought up.  He looked at them.  "Rodney said to warn him, because he was now short in botany."  They groaned, stuffing their mouths.  "I understand why, guys.  I saw the label on the bottle."  They all stared at him.  "That's why only the two docs got the anti-fertility shots."  The women smiled at that.  "Or did they hit you?"  They shook their heads.  "We don't mind if that's the reason, but warn someone.  I have nightmare images of walking in on you guys."  He tossed down a few tubes.  "Wifey lube."  He walked out.  "Can we block out the observation deck?" he asked the watching nurse.

"I have.  I've only got monitors to make sure no one's hurt and we put a call button in there in case of emergency, Xander.  It's sweet of you."

He shrugged.  "Everyone else deserves the right to have spawn.  I certainly don't think I want any.  I have Armand for that."  She smiled.  He went to eat dinner.  "Mission accomplished, John."

"Thanks, Xander.  They good?"

"They're fine and the doctors are back in their quarters or somewhere safe.  They have food in there.  The nurse is only monitoring."

"Even better."  He patted him on the back.  "They wanted it."

"I didn't mind that time I was dosed myself," he said.  "But I don't want kids.  Right now, Armand is plenty."

Radek looked at him.  "In the future?"

"I'd have the most warped kids ever," he admitted with a sigh.  "Maybe I'll be the second-daddy.  Because my DNA is still screwy."

"It is true," he agreed, considering it.  "That might be decent some day."  He smiled and buttered his bread before eating it.  "You can tell they made the bread."

John nodded.  "And the supposedly steamed veggies.  Rodney," he said, spotting him walking in.  "Don't eat the vegetables.  They taste like lemon."

Rodney looked at them.  "Anything that hasn't come in contact with that?"  They got him two sandwiches from the fridge and a large carton of milk.  "Thank you."  He walked off, going to the table.  "Anyone touch it and then the table?"  John shook his head, pointing at a covered spot.  "Thank you."  He moved the cover and sat down so he could eat.  "I hate having an allergy."

"It's never fun, but those of us with extreme powers or genius are always physically hampered somehow," Xander told him.

"Yes we are," he agreed.  "Mine's my allergy.  Radek is his eyesight and nerves."

"They are not as bad anymore," Radek told him.  "Some of us are physically perfect."

"Then they have mental issues.  They go all sorts of crazy," Xander reminded him.  "Or they're not true geniuses."

"Good point."  He looked at Rodney.  "The ship is nearly back and sent ahead notice of new staff.  Including two botanists and Kavanagh."  Rodney choked.

"Why is he coming back?" John asked.

"We do not know but the file said he requested to come back," Radek told him.

"Hmm," John said, pressing his lips shut.

"Is that the dweeb that Rodney wanted to space?" Xander asked.

"Yes," Rodney said, looking grim.  "He goes back with the ship, Radek.  I don't care how or why.  He goes back on that same ship."  He ate a large bite and drank some of his milk to wash it down.  "Bread's a bit tough and dry but otherwise decent."  Xander got a packet of ranch dressing.  "On turkey?"

"Hot peppers?" Xander offered.  "It's that or Italian tonight."

"No, that'll do," he decided, adding the ranch dressing.  He had eaten grosser things from this cafeteria.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He looked at Radek.  "So, can I play with the geek?"  He smiled sweetly.

"Yes," Radek and Rodney said in unison, cracking John up.

"As long as you make him go away and hopefully give up science," Rodney finished.  "I have no idea why he came back since he found everything wrong before."  He ate another bite.  It wasn't too bad after all.

***

Xander met the new guy on Saturday.  "Who're you?" he demanded.  "I know you're not one of the scientists."

"No, actually I'm the chief linguist up here," he said dryly.  "I'm the one who translates all that shit you need out of the databases."

"No one called for you."

"Sparky, sit and shut it.  I'm not here for you.  Radek's working on my advanced chemistry today.  Then he's got time with Faith on her flight physics."

"He's teaching?" he sneered.

Xander smirked.  "Those who have something to pass on should teach."   Kavanagh glared.  Xander stared back.  "Radek has an amazing mind.  Of course he has plenty to teach and we're more than willing students.  Even Rodney's taught a few lessons.  Especially about explosive properties of certain elements."  Kavanagh swallowed.  "So why don't you go back to whatever Rodney assigned you to do in your menial little way before I toss you into the ocean?"  He smiled as Rodney and Radek walked in bickering, again.  "Guys, don't do that.  Radek will lose more hair."

"Which would be a pity I'm sure," Rodney said sarcastically.  "Why are you in?"

"It's Saturday."

"Oh, that's right, you're learning more chemistry today."  He looked at Radek.  "I can have Miko take over so you can fix those wires."

Xander sighed.  "He can teach me while I go fix the wires if I have to," Xander pointed out.

Rodney looked at him.  "You are handy that way," he admitted with a smirk.  "And I never have to correct your work."

"We did find more of that lotion if it would improve your mood again," Radek shot back.

"You do and I'm so making sure you can't play video games for weeks on end," Rodney said, glaring slightly.

Xander whistled.  "If I can't relieve the stress I go weird, remember?  The next time, that lotion's stated usage might actually come true, which means I'd be hiding in my cabin."

"It was a pretty beach, even though I do loathe them," Rodney admitted.  "Fairly rustic though."

"It's good for me.  It's relaxing.  Speaking of, want me to work on that sore shoulder that's put you out of sorts again?"

"Could you?" Rodney asked.

"Sure.  Get me something slippery."  Kavanagh spluttered.  "It's not like I'm going to fuck him.  I'm going to work on the sore shoulder he has.  If I was going to use the slippery stuff for other purposes, it wouldn't be in the general lab.  That would mean people would want to help."

"Not with him!" he sneered.

Xander popped him one on the forehead.  "You've clearly never appreciated him for any of the right reasons.  He's very toned, a genius, and doesn't mind it hot and heavy from the rumors I've heard."  Kavanagh stomped off.  Xander took the oil from another scientist's hand, pointing at the stool.  Rodney took off his jacket and let Xander remove his shirt since the t-shirt wouldn't go up far enough over his shoulder.  "That's even swollen this time, Rodney.  What did you do?"

"Hit a wall," he mumbled, reading things he needed to go over while Xander worked on it.

Ellis and Woolsey walked in together.  Kavanagh was following.  "Harris," Woolsey said.

"He hit a wall, Woolsey."

"Why can't the infirmary do something?" Ellis asked.

"When was the last time you knew they had something for joint inflamation?" Xander asked, glancing over.  "I'm only doing his shoulder.  It was that idiot who acted like I was going to throw him on the table and make him scream like a soprano being goosed."  Radek snickered at that.  Rodney let out a soft moan so he worked on that area.  "Too many more times into a wall and that shoulder's going to separate.  Hit the wall with the other side," he complained lightly.

"I did try but the blast did it, not my intention," he quipped back.  He looked up.  "Why are you two staring at me that way?  Are the spores back since you two don't usually appreciate my bare chest?"  They fled.  Kavanagh stomped off too.  Rodney looked down the table at the others in there with them.  "I don't want him to stay," he ordered.  They all nodded.

"Oh, we have a good thing," Xander said, smirking at him.  "He tried to hit on Faith."

Radek snorted.  "He is too tiny dicked to ever meet up to her expectations and too stupid to ever meet up to her new brain requirements," he said in Czech.

Xander said something in Chinese, which he had been teaching Radek.  Miko gasped then burst out cackling, running off to hide them.  Rodney looked up at him then hit the translate button on his tablet PC.  It provided a written translation and he smirked at the boy.  "He's not even that good.  I know dogs that had better taste than him."

Xander grinned.  "Don't tempt me."  They all cackled.  Xander got the shoulder eased, checking the range of motion while Rodney read more things he had to go over and berate people about.  John walked in.  "Make him hit the other side, John.  This one's getting too sore."

"I tried," he complained.  He watched Rodney put back on his shirt and smile at the boy.  "It help?"

"Quite a lot.  Thank you, Xander.  Radek, go teach him chemical and biological weapons so he can make test units, or something equally mean," he ordered with a hand-wave.

"Of course I can.  Will go well with flight physics later."  Xander beamed at him and they went to the office to work on it so they were out of the way.

John leaned on the desk.  "Ellis was laughing about him."

"Xander and Radek agreed, he doesn't have a dick a fish would like."  Miko came back.  "They're in the office."

"That's fine.  I'm sure they have blinds," she said calmly.

"They'd better not in my office," he said firmly.  She blushed.  He held up something.  "It has your name and it's far below your standard so who put your name on it?"

She pointed.  She was glad not to be yelled at.  Yet.

John sat down in a corner, watching it go on.  He didn't want to get anywhere near Kavanagh or Ellis right now.  He might break and tell them what he thought of them.

***

Xander smiled as he sat down, putting something on the table.  "Blunt candy."  He beamed.

"Like it takes the restraint from your brain to your mouth off?" John asked, looking at the tiny spray bottle.

"Yes."

"Lock that in a safe," John ordered.  "Before it becomes dangerous."

"On the planet that created it, they used it for marriage contracts.  So no one could lie."

John looked at him.  "That's even worse.  Put it away."  Xander looked at someone then back at him.  "Oh, no, I don't want to see that."

"Pity."  Xander handed it to Rodney when he walked in, who smirked at him.  Radek had already briefed him.  They got food and sat down again.

"Harris, I borrowed a King book from your regular collection," one of the Marines called.

"That's cool.  Just don't damage it."

"Thanks.  What's with the books on your desk?"

"The brown, handmade looking ones?"  He nodded.  "Stuff you probably don't want to get into.  I haven't put them away yet."

"That's fine.  Morticia was more lively."

"Yeah, I put her on the balcony last night.  She and Gomez had a great time catching bugs.  And a fish since one jumped and she caught it."  The marine biologists cheered at that.  "She's fully recovered from spawning Wednesday and Puglsey."

"Good for her," Rodney praised.  "Though I'm not sure I want to keep those two in Botany.  Wednesday seems to be very enamored of the botanist she keeps trying to eat."

"I think she's mostly hugging.  She knows Doctor Glenda is too big to eat."

"If you're sure," he said dryly.

"Doctor Glenda, how's my plants' babies?" he called.

"They're wonderful, Xander.  They're happily waving their tentacles and all that.  Wednesday is very cuddly and doesn't even usually suck on me for more than the paper in my pocket now."  She ate a bite, smiling.  "Those new self-reproducing plants are very tasty.  Thank you for finding them.  They're able to be replanted and bred from too."

"You're welcome."  He dug in, eating happily.

Rodney shook his head.  "At least I'm not allergic to this one."  He stuffed his mouth.  "It is good."

John nodded.  "Very good.  Non fattening, low calories, and they make good replacement for eggplants."  He stuffed his mouth again.

Xander moaned and nodded, digging into the other stuff.  That was good.  He paused.  "Rodney...  Don't touch the orange stuff."

Rodney looked then pushed everything else away from it.  "You're sure?"

John ate it, then nodded.  "Grapefruit.  Woolsey!"  He came over.  "Did no one tell them Rodney's allergic to citrus?  That's the fourth meal this week with it," he asked quietly.

"Crap."  He went to talk to them.  One of them screamed but he wore them down.  Two of them huffed off.  He went to talk to Ellis to switch out his cooks.  They were always good.   They got transferred out and briefed by the only old member that was left, but off duty due to a broken foot.  He came back.  "There'll be no more problems, McKay."  He smiled.  "Do we have any others?"

"One of the marine biologists is allergic to mayo," Xander told him.  "I think it's the eggs in it but not real sure."

"I'll check on that.  Which one?"

"Doctor Marbel."

"Thank you, Harris."  He went to talk to her, and she readily told him.  He went to tell the cooks, who noted her then said they'd make sure it wasn't around her.  They knew how to treat allergies.  Especially the truly bad ones.

Xander looked at the others.  "Here, Rodney, pass it over.  The orange stuff is decent enough."  Rodney gave it to him and one of the cooks came out with a clean plate for him.  He nodded his thanks.  She took the old one back to clean.

Rodney looked around and Radek spotted the boil on their asses.  "We need to do something."

Xander smiled.  "I'm going up to my office later, Radek.  Want to come up and help me play with Armand and the plants?"

"Of course.  Where are the pets?"

Xander pointed at them lounging.  They smiled at the sleeping dragons.  "They were on Nila all day, napping on top of the top balcony."

"It's good for them," Rodney said.  He finished up.  "Mira?"  She woke up, staring at him.  "Want to go back to the lab or up to Xander's office?"  She yawned and climbed over to nuzzle him and get him to carry her.

"Armand, office?" Xander asked.  He groaned, getting up and popping his knee joints.  "Are you hurting?" he asked, pulling him over to check his knees.  "Is that normal?"  Armand snuffled and snuggled in too.  "C'mon, sleepy."  He got up and threw out his trash, putting the stuff in.  "Oh, ladies?"  They looked over.  "This is Armand.  He'll eat anything but trees and metal.  That is Mira, who is Doctor McKay's.   She's the same way.  She'll hiss at citrus stuff too."

"That's good to know," the closest one said.  "He's cute, Harris."

"Yeah, he's a good baby dragon."  He smiled and walked out happier.  He got stopped by Nurse Brown, who wanted to pet Armand.  He yawned.  She sniffed and frowned at him.  "What?"

"He smells off.  McKay, let me see Mira," she ordered.  He walked over.  She sniffed her breath too.  "They smell off.  Scan them for me."  They nodded, going to the exobiology lab.  She walked in.  "Sheppard, I'm having both pets scanned.  They smelled off."

He grimaced.  "They were napping on the railing.  They were on Nila napping all day."

She sighed.  "That's not good.  Nila?" she called.  Nila liked her.  She appeared, making a few of the newbies gasp.  "Were either dragon given anything funny?"

"Someone gave them some fruit earlier, but otherwise not that I have seen.  They did rest all day on my top balcony."

"Who gave him the fruit?" John asked.

"The new scientist from Biology.  Should I check on them?"

"Rodney's scanning them," the nurse told her.  "You tell on anyone who hurts them.  I'd hate to see Harris' temper if someone hurts him."

"Of course."

"Thank you, Nila.  We know you consider Armand family," John promised, smiling at her.  "Thank you for letting me know."  She nodded and disappeared.  He stood up.  "Who fed Mira and Armand what today?" he asked.  "I'd better be told because whoever hurts them gets my foot up their ass and possibly spaced."  They all ducked down.  "Confess or I'll go find security footage."  One slowly raised her hand.  "What was it?"

"The melon like stuff.  We were told we could feed them," she said weakly.

"You can but they appear to be sedated," the nurse said.

"Oh no!  I would not do that!  I like the little guy!  He ate that water rat for us!" she said frantically.

Xander walked in.  "Okay, who gave them a sedative?" he asked.  "We know it was a shot."  They didn't say anything.  "I'll find out one way or another and telling me now means I can't kill you.  If I find out on my own, Sheppard won't stop me."

"Why are you so huffy?" Kavanagh asked sarcastically.  Xander threw him into a wall, making him whimper as he slid down it.  Of course, he had done it without touching him.  The others who knew just backed away.

"Anyone?" Xander asked.

"I pulled blood from Mira yesterday," one of the lesser doctors offered.  "To check for problems and compare against Armand's."

"No, it wasn't that.  You do those on their necks, not under the tail into the muscle."  She shook her head quickly.  "Anyone?"

Ellis walked in.  "Harris, please stay calm.  What happened to him?"

"He smarted off," John said.  "He'll recover quickly enough.  People, I'd tell us.  Today.  We all know Xander is not going to let this one go."  Someone coughed and pointed at the idiot scientist.  "Seriously?"  She nodded.  "Anyone else see him?"  A few others raised their hands.  "Why?"

"He wanted to scan them," one of the biologists said.  "We told him we had plenty of scans, they were great and nice pets, all that.  He stomped off.  I didn't see him inject them though."

"Are they going to be okay?" Ellis asked.

"Probably tomorrow since he gave them a Ronon sized dose," he said grimly.  "Mira's too young for that."

"Agreed," Ellis said.  "I'll deal with the ass myself.  He will not do it again."

John looked at him.  "Just take him home before I throw him into the ocean and watch him drown," he said.

"The IOA wanted him here."

"McKay wants him spaced.  Which one do you think will get their way?"

"McKay accidentally on purpose with a gate malfunction," Ellis admitted.  "Pick him up and take him to the office," he ordered a few of the Marines.  They finished eating quickly and did that for him.  He walked off.  John followed.  This wasn't going to be allowed to go on.

***

Rodney walked into Xander's office, looking around.  "Someone's been in here."

Xander looked then did something, then he did something to the door.  He put an intent clause on it then let it go above the door.   He went back to straighten things out.  "Too bad the plants didn't get him."

"Same person?" Rodney asked.

"Yup."  He looked.  "He's got some of the latin smut and ... one of my journals."  He teleported down to the office.  "Where's my journal?" he asked.

"You believe in magic?" he sneered back.  Xander levitated him, making him scream.  "You're an Ancient!" he shouted.

"No, I'm just really damn good at what I've studied.  Now, where in the fuck is my journal before I use this to rip your molecules apart."  He stared him down.  The idiot whimpered.  "Where in the fuck is my journal?"

"Put him down," Ellis ordered.

Xander looked at him.  "No."  He heaved him higher.  "I can start slowly by breaking bones against the ceiling.  I have no tolerance for fucking idiots or morons."

"Xander, temper," John ordered.  Cam came jogging up with Jon.  "O'Neill, search his rooms.  He's got one of Xander's journals."

"Okay," he agreed.  Atlantis beamed them in front of him.  "Even better.  Thank you, Atlantis."  She smiled at him.  "Is that all he has of his?"

"Yes.  Though he does have a journal from Doctor Zelenka."  She handed that over as well.  "Xander, that is tweaking the power flows above you," she said politely.

Xander let him drop, making him scream when something cracked.  "Sorry, Atlantis.  Did he read them?"  She nodded.  "Then I owe him more than that."

"You're a fucking monster," Kavanagh said, glaring at him.

Xander stared at him.  "I've been in more wars than our country has, Kavanagh.  I may be a linguist but I'm still damn good and you just fucked with me."  The scientist moved back.  "Now, anything else in my past you want to comment on?"

"You're gay," he sneered.

"Actually, I'm bi.  So?  General O'Neill knew that when he signed me up."

"I doubt he knew that about others."

"Scientists are immune from DADT," John said.  "And we don't care on this base.  I'm not going to take those reports because it causes problems among the staff.  We have to be tighter than that and we all know that you have to be open minded out here.  I don't care who fucks what as long as they're consenting and a compatible species."

Ellis coughed.  "I don't want to hear those things, Sheppard," he said calmly.

"I don't want bigots up here.  It'll make it harder, Ellis," he said, looking at him.  "If they get that pissed about people doing consensual things in their own rooms, they can come to you."

"I agree with that decision," Woolsey agreed.  "We don't need the problems that would cause.  With what we deal with, we have to be ready to accept any options."

"I can agree with that point.  I don't like that regulation but I have to follow it," Ellis said.

John shook his head.  "No.  I don't.  I'm in another galaxy.  They didn't make regulations that would cover out here.  If they're that desperate to put in a complaint, they can come to you.  Then again, half of the soldiers and almost ninety percent of our scientists aren't US citizens and aren't covered by it anyway."

"That's a good point," he agreed.  "I'll make that allowance."  John smiled.  "What are you going to do about him?"

"Can you space him before he tries to blackmail Harris or Zelenka?  Since they're both scientists and not covered by regs?"

"There's another one in with them," Kavanagh spat.  "A soldier."

"Yes, they play video games together," Woolsey said dryly.  "Out here, comfort is good, Kavanagh.  We're alone, surrounded by enemies, and facing extinction every few weeks.  If someone wants to find safety, security, and love in someone's bed, it's good for them psychologically and physically.  I don't care if they're up there playing video games, going at it like wild rabbits, or just sleeping together so they get hugs."  He shrugged.  "Neither does anyone else.  Get off my base.  I've had enough.  Armand is a critical benefit to the diplomatic missions.  Mira will be soon probably."  Elis opened his mouth.  "People like us when they show up.  Us having pets makes us seem nicer, more friendly, and less military."

"Good point," Ellis agreed.  "Mira is McKay's furry dragon?"  John nodded.  "She's a sweet little thing.  She crawled up me to sniff me and nuzzled my ear then hopped over to investigate Ronon's hair."

"Armand loves his hair too," John said with a smile.  "Do you have a brig?"

"Yeah, I do and a few medics who can handle whatever Xander broke.  Harris, which journal is that?"

He looked inside, then grimaced.  "Pre blippy."

"Damn," John muttered.

"Yeah, the bad years when the friends got bad for me."  He closed it again, looking at Woolsey.  "I'm not sorry and if you want to fire me, so be it."

"Go back to your office.  Give Zelenka back his journal.  I find no fault with that since he attacked your pet and stole from your office."

"I put back up the deterrent spell if you're up there for a bad reason."  He walked off, followed by Cam.  "Sorry," he said quietly.

"I'm not," Jon said.  "It's good that you stick up for them."

"Me too," Cam promised.  They went back to the office.  "Radek, he got into your room too."  Xander handed over the journal then shelved his.

"He also tried to out the video game thing," Jon said quietly.  Radek shrugged.  "Woolsey said he didn't care.  John doesn't either.   Ellis said he understood and he didn't seem to care."

"Thank you for letting me know."  He stopped Xander from pacing.  "Calm down."

"He read mine and at least glanced through yours."

"It will be fine.  No one will believe it."

"It's the one from Sunnydale," he said quietly.

"Ah."  He gave him a hug.  "No one will believe him about that or you doing magic either. They will make sure he cannot talk."  Xander looked at him.  "I know your group hurt each other greatly.  Them to you, you to them at times, and things were very bad often," he said quietly, staring at him.  "He will not make it worse or Buffy will rip him apart."  He grinned at that.  "Good boy.  Now, let us watch the sunset with the little child?"

"Sure."  He sat down on his lounging couch, Radek with him.  Armand curled up on them and it was nice.  The others pulled the chairs out to do that.  Cam had to move Morticia's table some because she kept stroking his hair but that was okay too.  She loved him like a pet bunny for some reason.

***

Evan walked into the office about thirty minutes later.  "You wanted to see me, sirs?" he asked, saluting Ellis.  John didn't make him.

"There's been a problem tonight that you should hear about," John said.

"Something to do with the drugging I heard about?  Because I'm barely keeping my temper about that, sirs."

"Slightly," Ellis said.  "Dr. Kavanagh did that but he also stole journals from Dr. Zelenka and Harris."

"Hmm," Evan said, pressing his lips together.  "From?"

"Radek's recent one and Xander's from Sunnydale," John told him.

Evan nodded.  "Permission to kick his ass, sirs?"

"Denied, Harris did it already," Ellis said, sounding a bit pleased.  "He's in the brig.  There is the chance that he'll try to talk."

Evan nodded.  "Hearsay is not admissible in a court of law, Colonel."

"We don't care," Ellis assured him.  "And I think some people will be unhappy if he does, but this is to warn you that he might try since you are military."

Evan nodded.  "If he tries can I beat him then?"

"Go for it," John promised.

Evan nodded.  "Thank you for letting me know, Colonels and Woolsey.  Let me know if something happens due to this."

"Major, there's a whole lot of people who are both scared and begging for Harris," Ellis told him.  "The Army general is still trying to get him for black ops.  Some of the Marine commanders want the same.   They're both willing to overlook him bending over for whoever, as is the CIA from rumors I've heard from O'Neill."  Evan swallowed and nodded.  "He has made himself clear but others are very wet for the boy."

"I'll make sure he realizes it, sir."

"Good.  For now, we don't care if you guys are playing video games or not," Woolsey told him.  "For all we care it's a spore night every night."  Evan cracked a smile but shook his head.  "The only thing that would end that lack of concern is if someone ends up unable to do their job some day or something else happened."

"Yes, sir, understood," Evan agreed.  Ellis waved so he saluted and walked off.  He went up to the office.  They had made sure to tell him they were up there.  He walked in and looked at Xander.  "Even the CIA wants you?"

"They tried to recruit me during our high school career fair," he said quietly.  "It wasn't very enthusiastic.  My personality profile came up with something they could use."

Evan smiled.  "Ellis described them as wet according to O'Neill."

"Not me," Jon said dryly.

"The other one," Evan said, shooting him a dirty look then smiled at Xander again.  "The Army and Marines too."

"No, I'm only here."

"Good.  They said as long as we're able to work, no one cares," he told Zelenka.

"Of course.  It relieves stress and pressure of nearly dying every month."  He shrugged and Evan slid down to cuddle Xander and Armand with him.  The others wouldn't mind.  McKay did when Mira came over to cuddle them.  "You have a father," Radek reminded her.  She yawned, curling up with Armand.  "Awww."

"Very," Faith agreed as she strolled over.  "That's so cute.  X, I heard you went off?"

"The asshole drugged them with a sedative."

"Excuse me?" she demanded.  "He still around?"

"In the brig on the Apollo," Evan told her.

"Good!"

"With a few broken spots," Xander said quietly.  "Atlantis asked me to stop."

Cam looked over at him.  "I wanted to hit him myself and you wouldn't leave me any."  Xander smiled at that.  "Come sit, Faith.  I won't hit on you and this one's wide enough for two."  She sat down and he shifted some, making her grin at him.  They stared as the two moons came up.  It was a beautiful view.

John walked in and sat down on the floor against the lounging couch.  Mira leaned over to pat his hair down.  He smiled at her.  "It's fine."  She kept patting so he petted back.  She was trying to get the spiky parts down.  He smoothed it down and she purred, sliding down to sit in his lap.  "Sure."  Rodney pouted at him.  He poked her and pointed.  She roared a tiny roar and pounced the daddy.  Rodney smiled, settling in to pet her better.  She did love him.  Even if she did use her tail to try to get John's hair to quit sticking up.  "You've taught her the wrong things," he joked.

"She knows your hair looks dumb sometimes," Rodney shot back.

"Kids," Cam complained.

"That only works on your base," John said with a smirk.

"Fine.  Xander, got any music on your computer?"

"My computer?  Yeah.  The main one no."  Cam got up to look, turning on some quiet classical music so it wasn't silent.  Then he sat down again.  Faith yawned but he could only grin at her napping on his shoulder.  He respected her.  He wouldn't do more than tease her tomorrow to watch her blush a bit.

Sam Carter walked in.  "What are we doing?"

"Watching the moonrise," Jon called.  He looked back.  "Why?"

"Kavanagh is in the brig?"

"He stole mine and Radek's journals and then drugged Armand and Mira," Xander called.

She huffed.  "He's probably not used to having pets and thought they were strange."

John looked back.  "One of the botanists told him they had plenty of scans if he wanted to study it.  He did it anyway."

"Oh."  She grimaced.  "Can you let Nila approve me to look at her database?"

"It's all downloaded to the main system," Rodney told her.  "What did you need to look for?  He and Jackson are nearly done with all of it."

She hiked over.  She hated Xander's office.  It was too large.  "I'm looking at power supply and weapons bases?"

"Power supplies were standard ZPM's," Rodney told her.  "Nothing on how to make them or anything.  Weapons were for emergency usage, basically to blow some asteroids aside.  Directional jets as well."

"Nothing else?"

"She was the prototype," Xander said quietly.  "They didn't think she'd need to defend herself more than that.  Miko and Radek have a good plan for her future weapons once the retrofit is done."

"That's good.  Then we'll take her to earth?"

"I'll be taking her to earth," Cam corrected.  "She still doesn't like you, Carter."

"She's a program!"

Xander looked at her. "Who evolved all those years she was alone," he shot back.  "She's more human than Kavanagh."  She groaned at that.  "Do you really want her to throw you while in flight like she does into the ocean?"

"No."

"She's sentient, so is Atlantis, Sam.  They both deserve respect for being sentient, even if you can't touch them.  Even if they were new AI's, they deserve respect for being a starting sentience.  You give dogs more respect than you give them."  She slumped.  "You ignored her when she was giving you what you wanted to know.  She's a very special being and just as special as any Ancient or Ori."

"Fine, I'll treat her like she's sentient."

"The rest of us who work on her don't have to make ourselves," Rodney told her.  "She's very wise.  Let Miko and Radek handle the retrofitting and weapons placements."

"If she's being given to SG-1, I'm part of that team," she pointed out firmly.

"We're not saying you're not," Cam assured her.  "But there's labs that you're needed to figure out unless we bring McKay back with us.  This is our lack of battles position, Sam."

"Whatever."  She stomped off to find O'Neill.  He was leaving on the ship back so he was around somewhere with Daniel.  "They won't let me near Nila."

"Because you treat guard dogs better," Daniel agreed.

"Are you and McKay infected with something?" she demanded.

"No.  I noticed it as he did."  He looked at Jack then sighed.  "Sam, you don't really expect to be able to deal with her in flight when she hates you that much, do you?  She'll throw you into space."

"I'm part of SG-1."

Jack nodded.  "You are, but you're also our chief scientist and we've got a lot of work to be done, Colonel.  You and the team are going to be apart for non-battle times.  Frankly, we need you doing that more than we need you figuring her out.  We have seventeen new labs and outposts to look over.  We need someone to scout them, figure out the uses of them, and make sure they're safe for the teams you'll be sending."

"Most of our best people are up here."

"But not forever," Jack told her.  "Because we'll be bringing her back with Nila eventually."

She sighed, shaking her head.  "I should be involved."

"We know most everything about Nila due to our time on Atlantis," Daniel reminded her.  "You have to make the other labs safe to examine and explore.  I don't want to step into them knowing what the people up here have found in some labs and some of the problems that we've had."

"I know about those."

"Good!  We can't lose many more of you to exploding machines and things," Daniel told her.  "Especially not with the hint of Assurans showing up again."

Xander appeared.  "We have a problem."

"Assurans?" Daniel guessed.  Xander looked at him.  "You only have visions when something prompts it, usually a word or a phrase that's the subject of them."

"Yeah, it's fun when I read a dictionary," he said sarcastically, looking at him.  Daniel smiled back.  "I should tell her where you are."

"Please don't.  I don't need a stalker."

"Stalker?" Jack asked.

"He foresaw someone finding out and thinking I'm the next coming."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "We'll give you security, Danny.  Xander?"

"Battles as we fly back," he said, shuddering.  "Nila's behind Atlantis.  She's going to run low on power.  I'm .... going to go expedient," he said, glancing at Sam's back then at Jack.

"Come tell me in more detail.  Did McKay hear?" he asked as he walked him to a private room.

"Yeah, Radek questioned me and I babbled it in Czech.  Rodney does speak a good bit now."  He locked the door behind him.  "We're running out of power.  Nila's a bit behind Atlantis.  We lifted off about a day later due to a structural issue."  Jack nodded at that.  "Nila picks out them massing for an attack.  I had given the power source of both of my bracelets to her for her power needs."

"Okay, I know they're powered by something big," he said.

"Yeah, I split a supernoving sun into them."  He stared at him, watching him shudder.  "We have enough weapons and shields for maybe an hour, but we'll be out of power then.  We'll die," he said, his voice cracking.  "Radek's with us."

He patted him on the shoulder.  "What did you see yourself doing?"

"Recreating my bracelet's power sources," he said quietly, looking up at him.  "To stop them cold, literally."  Jack shuddered.  "I went down in the jumper we asked for to come with us.  We got most of the ZPM's.  A few were taken back because they needed to power a shield and heat source," he said, starting to pace.  "I make it back to Nila with a shitload of ZPM's.  I hand them over and send the power back after a few minute's thought but, I....  I'm horrified at myself."

"They want to kill you, Xander."

"I know but to wipe out their sun!" he hissed.

"You handed it back."

"I hesitated."

"I know you did.  You've been in too many battles and you're starting to see the end result is all."  He pulled him closer to make him stop pacing.  "I know you'd hand it back."

"I'm not sure."

"I am."  He stared him down.  "We'll be working on the Assurans.  If they have that many ZPM's, they're getting stolen," he offered with a small smile.

"I brought back 85," he said quietly.  "They're massing them for an attack."

"Good!  We need to know that."  He gave the boy a small smile.  "You won't do it.  I know you won't because the endline of your morality is *him* and he'd be disappointed."

"Yeah, he would," he said quietly.  "Which is why I'm about to bash myself in the head or make myself sick."

"No, don't.  Just because you saw a *possibility*," he said firmly.  "It doesn't mean you'll be doing it."

"But, if it's necessary...."

"We'll get the ZPM's before then," he said.  "We'll see what we can do."  He smiled at him. "Maybe we'll let you cloak or something.  That way you don't have to face that *possibility*."  He made the boy look at him again since he was looking down.  "You always give them out in time to handle things," he said quietly.

"I do," he agreed, sighing at the end.  "If I do, and I hesitate...."

"Radek will spank you," he reminded him.  "Or Cam or Jon."  He smirked.  "They know you've been around the block too many times, kid.  I'll be thankful when you're back on earth so you don't have to deal with these things."  He let the boy go.  "Now, on the more practical point, make sure Radek knows about the problems that made sure you left later."

"Atlantis has stronger engines."

"Can we fix that?"

"Don't know."

"For right now, concentrate on the absolute things."  He watched the boy grab his head and pulled him closer, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.  "What was it?" he asked when he groaned.

Xander blinked up at him, his eyes wet.  "Another alternative to get home, the guy who was building the resonance time engine."

"No way in hell."  Xander relaxed.  "Last resort only.  We'd all get beaten."  Xander nodded, swallowing.  "That bad?"

"Few years going around.  Ten weeks in this time."

"That's bad.  Stop him again."  He patted his back.  "Okay?"  Xander nodded.  "Good.  You're a good planner.  Go make plans.  Make sure the problems can't happen.  Also, Sam's feelings are hurt."

"I can't help her with that problem and I'm agreeing with Nila.  Atlantis is pissed at her too."  Atlantis appeared, nodding.  "For the same thing?"

"She treats me like I'm not there or sentient," she agreed.  "Others treat me better.  Even the people who don't talk to me."  She looked at Xander.  "That small warping around you was a vision?"  He nodded, swallowing again.  She sighed.  "You poor thing.  Go back to your room.  Walk and take the transporter or you'll throw up and your boys won't like that."  He gave her a weak smile and he left.  "Nila's engines are not strong enough," she agreed.  "I noticed that when she came in."  Nila appeared.  "You need to give them a list of what you need to be space ready.  They are talking about moving both of us back to earth within a year."

Nila nodded.  "I can do so.  Miko has most of it already."  She bowed to Jack.  "Child Jack, where will we be resting?"

"I don't know yet.  Maybe on one of the labs."

"That would be acceptable.  Though most of them will not integrate with me.  Could we build a new one?  Somewhere like this?  Most everyone likes it here."

"I'll see," he told her.  "We're not sure."

She nodded.  "If we can move a few of them, it might help.  Even the one in Africa, which can be moved, would be helpful."

"I'll do what I can."  She smiled at that.  "How long would it take to up the engines?"

"Perhaps six months but I do need structural work.  Right now the bathrooms lead to bare space instead of something like a reclamation tank."

"We'll do it," he promised.  She smiled and disappeared.  He looked at Atlantis.  "Do you agree with her list?"

"I do.  My parental figure is quite wise."

"Good.  Let Miko give me a list before I leave tomorrow."  She nodded, going to tell the timid scientist that.  Jack left, going to talk to Ellis.  "We're foreseeing a problem," he said when he found him.

"Foreseeing?  Harris?"

"Yes.  On the trip back, Assurans."

Ellis nodded.  "We need to stop them."

"Yes we do, since they're making ZPM's to stockpile."

Ellis considered it.  "I have a small group of 302's, General.  They have jumpers."

"They'll know.  Can we launch cloaked?"

"Yes."

"Can they be cloaked?"

"Mostly."

"Give me a battle plan by tomorrow.  Ask Harris where they were stored."  He nodded, going to find Harris.  Jack went to think and relax.  This was going to be a bad sign.

18: Battles At Dawn

John came back from the mission for the ZPM's happier.  He had lost one of the jumpers and that pissed him off but otherwise it had been a good mission.  He sat down in his desk chair, panting.  Ellis walked in and looked at him.  "You need the infirmary, Sheppard."

"I will.  Let me calm down," he said quietly.

Ellis nodded.  "I understand."  He shifted.  "That was an inspired battle plan."

"You did good."

"Yours wasn't made by me."

"No, I worked with Jon O'Neill and Harris," he admitted.

"Excellent.  How many did we get?"

"Seventeen got lost in that explosion.  We have almost ninety.  I think."

"McKay?"

"And Radek."

"Excellent."  He hauled him up.  "C'mon.  You need checked out.  You took a few good hits while flying as a distraction."  He walked him down there.  "Doctor Keller, Colonel Sheppard's jumper took a lot of fire and he spent at least a minute out of it."

"Sit down, both of you," she ordered.  "It's mission protocol."  They did it with a sigh of displeasure.  She got them both checked over.  John had a small concussion.  Ellis was fine but his blood pressure was through the roof from his battle nerves.  John's was coming down.  Mira ran in and pounced John, earning a hug and a cuddle.  That helped them both a lot.  Even Ellis petted her a bit.  She left them alone.

***

Rodney walked into the meeting that night.  "Both cities are going to stay cloaked for the rest of our time here."  He put down his computer.  "Ninety three ZPM's.  All at least partially charged.  Most of them full.  Fifty-eight full to be exact, and the rest are at least half."  He sat down.  "We have enough to get both of them working and most of the outposts probably."

"Earth will want some," Jack O'Neill told him.

"We can safely give you twenty," he said.  "That way you'll be able to activate those outposts and Antarctica.  If and when we get back, we can share the rest."

"Agreed, "Jack said.  "Twenty-five maybe?"

Rodney did a calculation.  "If you'll take fifteen of the half-full?"

"I can do that," he agreed.  "I know you guys need them more with all the attacks.  Or the payback."

"It won't happen," Rodney said.  He looked at Ellis.  "Their core?"

"No longer a problem, General.  It went up very prettily.  I agree that our enemies get no mercy if they attack us first.  They did it originally."

"Good.  Any chance of payback?"

"Slight."

"Even better."  He looked at Rodney.  "Don't be smug."

"I'm not but we do have a problem getting supplies to retrofit Nila up here.  Xander pointed out if we'd be passing it through the gate or fly it up we might have some problems."

"Good point," he admitted.  "I'll figure that out.  Ellis, could you carry it?"

"If we do nothing else."

"Can you tow one?" Rodney asked.

"Not through a warp."

"Damn," Rodney muttered.

"We'll figure it out," Jack promised.  "Within a month.  I need the list?"  Rodney beamed it to Ellis's computer.  Then another two files.  Jack took it to look over.  "Materials for structural... the bathroom...and that'll work," he agreed, getting into the last one.  "Materials for weapons?"

"Yes."

"Good."  He nodded.  "Is this Nila's list?"

"It is but it's expanded with Miko and Radek's plans."  He beamed that over.

Jack smiled.  "That's a good, compact system," he agreed.  "It's clear Radek is loving the jumpers."

"They're his baby.  I have too many other things to do so he's taken care of them."

"It's a wise split," Jack assured him.  He handed the tablet back.  "Make sure I get copies of those in hardcopy, Ellis."

"Yes, General."

Woolsey coughed.  "I've heard from the IOA that they can't activate outposts without gene carriers."

"You need them more up here," Jack told him.

"We do but they would like at least a single one down there.  They asked for Harris."

"No way in hell," Jack told him.

"There's a high probability of them wanting him for revenge of him taking out the power behind the Trust," Rodney agreed.  "Someone sat down to figure that out last night when they couldn't sleep."  He wouldn't say it was Sheppard.  It was nice he used his math degree sometimes.  "Besides, if you took him back there will probably be an apocalypse he has to handle or Adria showing back up."

"Slight news there," Jack sighed.  "Ba'al had her.  One of the clones, and gave her his symbiot.  We removed it but she ascended when it killed her."

"I'll warn Xander and Mitchell," he said, making himself a note.  "Any idea if she's coming after them?"

"We haven't seen evidence of her yet," Jack admitted.  "We suspect it's coming though."

"I'll definitely warn them."  He looked up.  "As a side note, we're having to defeat the rumor that he's a descended being again."

"They don't have sex according to Daniel."

"Sucks to be his girlfriend then," Rodney muttered.

"He's back to human, not descended," Jack said sarcastically.  Rodney smirked at him.  "Vala said so when she tried to jump him."

"We did try to break up the unholy alliance of Vala and Dawn."

"I'm sure her coworkers will thank you for that," Ellis said.

"She's working at Torchwood.  I think Vala's too wild even for them," Jack said dryly.  "Though if she decides to blast porno soundtracks over the PA again, I'll send her.  As a question, farm plans?"

"Started on the mainland, we worked it out with the Athosians so they'd take half.  It's also giving them better farming skills.  When we leave we'll have some on hand unless we have to suddenly leave before six months is up."

"Good plan," Jack agreed.  "Meat too?"

"Plans for it."

"Good.  Let me know if we need to ship more up than usual," Jack ordered, looking at Ellis.  "You too."

"Agreed."  He coughed.  "What are we going to do about the people that knowingly took those spores?"

"They wanted to have children," Rodney said.  "They all did it after putting in their transfer requests to go back to the mountain in four months."

"I can't blame that desire," Jack told them.  "Though I do agree that they should have warned someone so they didn't create a problem.  Or drag others in."

"I did yell about that," Rodney admitted, then coughed.  "Though I do agree, I can fully understand what they did.  Especially with a few of them not being toward men at this time."

"They're gay?" Ellis asked.

"They're scientists and yes," Jack said.  "Two were and the other are former spouses."

Ellis groaned.  "I guess it makes sense then."

"They did get reprimanded formally for not informing us of a planned action that ended up endangering others," Jack told him.  "I can't bother someone about wanting kids.  I was there a few decades back."  He shifted.  "They're going back this time?"

"Next trip," Rodney said.  "By the way, it worked."  They all smiled at that.  "The former couple have planned for him to raise it.  So she might be back sometime."

"Maybe," Jack said.  "We have to figure out what to do if they want to keep working.  I'm not sure about the pregnancy regs on the main base."

"They might be able to go to the outposts if they're safe," Rodney offered.  "None of them were total idiots.  I know there's a botany based lab?"

"In middle Africa," Jack said.  "Too dangerous."

"Can it be moved?" Rodney asked.

"We'll be seeing."  He shrugged.  "If so, I might not mind it."  A new file appeared on Ellis's laptop and then Rodney's.  "What's that?"

Nila appeared.  "If you could have that built, I could interface with it and we could move all those labs and outposts somewhere safer," she said, looking at Jack.  "That way Atlantis could rest wherever you wanted and I could be somewhere safer but it would be somewhere you could send international scientists that should not get near the mountain or the weapons.  That would leave the weapons oriented ones that could interface with Boston or Atlantis herself."

"I like that idea," Jack decided, smiling at her.  "Good job, Nila."

"Thank you, child Jack.  I had Radek and Miko help me with the design, plus Xander."

"They did good work.  I like that overall design but I might move some of the labs around.  That way some things are closer together.  Our best botanists are married to chemists."

"That is most reasonable.  Any of the labs could be moved but there may be space issues."  She wavered to a new form.  "It would also give me a safe place to dock myself that would be supported in case something happened like a tsunami as your people call it."

"That would be a good idea," Rodney agreed, looking it over.  "Botany will clearly need a bigger area thanks to Xander's plants."  She giggled.  "I'm sure he'll be wanting to bring back all manner of flora that might eat someone someday," he told her, making her cackle at that.  "Do you have Mira?"

"I do.  She's napping on Daniel right now.  I think she'll miss him because he pets her while he reads."

"I'll need more reading time then."

"She likes you for who you are," she reminded him.  "Or else she would have adopted Faith or Radek."

"Good point," he said, smiling at her.  "Is there anything you needed to add to the list?"

"I would like more food stores so I can remind the naughty ones to eat."

Jack laughed.  "You're a great mother hen to them, Nila.  You take very good care of the people who get lost doing things."  He smiled at her.  "Even when you do throw them into the water."

"They need to listen and sometimes not work.  They'd be happier then."  She faded out.

Jack grinned at McKay.  "She's mouthy but good and nice."

"She's very good to us.   Even when she doesn't like me complaining at Miko and Radek so throws me off her."

"Next time, rant less," John quipped as he walked in.  "She just got Xander because he was humming again.  Cam asked her to before he beat Xander on the head."

"He's nearly been killed before for humming," Jack assured him.  "Cam and Jon both have come back wanting to gag him for it.  They've been run off planets for that."

"I can see why.  I have no idea what he's humming," he admitted, sitting down.  "So, we have plans?"

"We have good plans," Rodney agreed.

"Even better."  He looked at him.  "That thing in the bag?"

"Beyond classified by Xander and the Doctor."  Ellis snorted.

"Xander traveled with him and so is Kissen right now," Jack told him.

"But he's a myth!" Ellis complained.

"Who saved Xander while he was traveling.  Faith went with him too.  He's been here a few times," Rodney told him.  "We've also had to stop someone from making Nila a Tardis," he said dryly, looking at Jack.  "Please drag him off by his small tortoise cock if you can get enough of a handhold."

"He annoying you?" Jack asked.

"He's still trying, even after I dismantled the last one.  Even the Doctor told him not to last time."

"Wonderful.  Who?"  Rodney sent it to him and the pictures of it.  He groaned.  "Will it work?"

"Yes and we'd have to blip back and forth for years because none of us know how to drive it."

"I heard that possibility," Jack admitted.  "Try not to let it happen."

"I'm going to."  He looked up.  "About the other?"

"Unless he needs it," he said calmly.  "Find another method?"

"I'm looking."

"Good.  Don't make your own again either."

"He gave me mine back," he said smugly.

"You use it without permission in a way that's not beneficial to the group and you'll have it taken again," Jack assured him.  "It's bad enough Xander pops down to Cardiff sometimes."

"Someone has to keep Dawn from the evil asses," John told him.  "She told us about them.  I'd never let a sister date anyone that lame or emo."

"Emo?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, apparently her school in Wales is full of emo little bastards," he said dryly.  "Smart ones."

"Losers," Rodney snorted.  "She needs really smart people around her.  I still say she should keep hitting on Jon."

"She's too young for him," Jack said impatiently.  "He won't date anyone that young because he still feels my age."

"Dawn's not exactly the normal girl," John pointed out.

"That's a good point," he agreed.

"She still needs less trendy boys around her.  There's a better school in Cardiff than that one."

"Daniel liked hers because it offers more languages," Jack said, looking at him.  "Have her go where they hang out."

"Their basement?" Rodney asked.

"Good point.  Talk to him about it."

"I have.  He'll talk to her about it since she's having to beat boys off her skirt.  Though I'm not sure why the spores didn't get her."

"No idea," Jack said.  "Don't really want to know."

"Ditto," John said.  Nila appeared.  "What's up?"

"I had to remove that idiot with the substandard light and time stream engine again.  He was going to create a paradox and Xander wasn't there to beat him this time."

"We'll go fish him out in a minute," Jack assured her.  "Did you notice anything about Dawn?"

"Yes.  There are traces around her like there were around Mr. Woolsey before Xander fixed him.  They seem different but...."

"Shit," John said, touching his earpiece.  "Xander, check Dawn for spells."  He listened to the quip that of course she had some.  "Nila said she felt some like were on Woolsey.  No, we'll fish him out in a minute.  Throw him a rope."  Xander said he was heading.  "Good deal."  He hung up.  "He's going to check on her."

"Fine," Jack agreed.  "She's family."  He shook his head.  "Maybe he'll bring back food or something."

"Hopefully.  We're out of vegetables again," John complained.  "Though, the Apollo's cooks.  We're keeping 'em," he told Ellis.  "They're amazing.  They make it taste good even when it's native roots and things."

Ellis smiled.  "We'll see."

"Some of the marines are wiling to shoot you if you don't let us keep them."

"We'll see," Jack ordered.

"Yes, sir."

"Good."  He got up.  "Let me gather Daniel and that idiot.  McKay, go disable that thing again and use the parts to do something else so he can't remake them and no one else can either."  He walked off, going to torture the moron.  He loved torturing the morons.  Sometimes.  Sometimes he wanted to shoot them.  It all depended on how much of a headache they caused.

***

Xander landed behind Ianto.  "Where's Dawn?  I think we figured out why the spores didn't get her," he said quietly.  "And if I'm right, Jack can go beat Willow again."

"She's due in soon," he offered.  He winced at the new screaming.

"So, what, you're just going to go off, do this shit to save the world, and if you're lucky you won't miscarry.  If you're captured, *maybe* we'll be able to bring the baby back from them?" some male was screaming.  "That's my child too and I want it to live, Gwen!" he yelled.

Xander sighed, looking at him.  "I can help maybe."

Jack looked at him.  "It's trans dimensional."

"Demon?"

"No.  Pity or we'd kill it."

"Can we kill it?"

"No idea how," Jack admitted.  "They're like a plague."

"Good, then let's you and I handle it," he said, giving him a pointed look.  Jack smirked at that.

"He's not allowed to," Ianto said.

"Shut up, Ianto.  Plagues are bad and some of us won't die."  He walked around him.  "This is immortal hero type stuff, not normal guy hero type stuff.  Or else I'll have to beat Dawn for her taste in boys myself."  He walked into the other room, whistling sharply.  "How about this!  I'll take her damn place!" he shouted back.

"You're not trained!" Gwen shouted back.

"Fuck you!  I had four years on the hellmouth hunting and all my life there before that!  Sit down, shut up, and cry about something on him.  It'll make you both feel better."  He walked off, closing the door behind him.  "There.  Plague how?"

"Don't know," Jack admitted.  "We don't have the faintest clue what it's doing since we don't have a doctor."

Xander stared at him.  "I'm good enough to make some chemical weapons," he offered.  Jack beamed and pulled him over to look at a sample.  Xander sighed and called something down to help him.  That worked and they got a cure.  It was fairly simple.  "Ianto, can you make things that will throw peroxide?"

"Like bug sprayers?" he asked.

"Souped up bug sprayers."

"I can probably," he agreed, going to look at their gear.  "Though I'm coming with you two."

"Sure," Jack agreed.  "Not," he muttered.  He looked at Xander.  "So, why wasn't she affected?"

"Nila thought she felt magic restrictions and compulsions around her," Xander said with a smug look.

"That fucking bitch," he muttered.

"Yup, think so."  He beamed.

"Well, guess we'll have to have the 'be careful' talk again.  It's wonderful Ianto and I don't have to use a surrogate or adopt."

Xander pinched him on the arm.  "We'll be back in about a year."

"I remember."  He gave him a look.  Xander just grinned.  "Fine.  Will she be ready by then?"

"College.  Though Rodney wants her to switch schools to the geek school."

"The boys there would only stammer at her," Ianto said as he came back.  "She's met a great number of them and they stared at her like she's mythical."

"She is."  He looked around.  "We need peroxide," he called.  "Shitloads of it."  Someone in the other room that had been fighting slammed a door on the other side.  He sighed. "Good."

"I had no idea how to handle that," Ianto said.

"Let them cry," Jack said.  "It's a mood swing and she's hating to be protected."

Xander snickered.  "So she's turning into Buffy?"

"Possibly.  I'd hate to see her stuffed up," Jack admitted.  Ianto smiled at him.  "Or Dawn."

"Her powers," Xander said in a sing-song manner.  "Labor would be a problem."  Dawn came strolling in.  "Let me see."  He pulled her closer, looking at her magic.  He sighed.  "Damn it.  She used the hellmouth."

"Willow?" she guessed.

"Yup, to keep you pure, innocent, and able to be sacrificed," he said dryly  "Because Glory did mark you as one."  He took that off first and the others started to 'droop' to him.  They unraveled them together.  Dawn had a sudden temper fit and he fixed that too.  That was a more insidious spell and he had to kill it.  Before she killed him.  He looked at her once he was done, sweating lightly.  She stared back then hugged him slowly and carefully.  He gave her a pat on the back.  "Don't kill her in front of Tara or your sister."

She snorted.  "Fuck them."  She pulled back.  "Am I supposed to have more evil thoughts?"

"It's backup," he said with a smirk, shooting her with a spot of power.  "Coven."

"Yes, big brother," she sighed.

"Date more geeks.  Rodney wanted you to date some too."

"I can do that.  Jack, I'm going to the coven before I kill someone."

"Sure, kid," he agreed quietly.  She disappeared.

Xander sighed.  "She's going to die this time."  He called Buffy's phone.  "Should I show up for the funeral?"  He listened.  "The one that kept a certain sister marked as a virgin sacrifice, even in the face of something that made Marines and multiple cultures fall down and screw."  He listened to her.  "Used the hellmouth."  He smirked.  "No, she's with the coven.  They're controlling her temper.  Exactly.  Oh, I think she's got a good outfit to kick ass in, Buffy.  Handling something with Jack.  Yeah, expect her later.  Give Tara my condolences?"  He smiled.  "Thanks."  He hung up and put the phone back.  "Yeah, they're going to need a mop."

Jack nodded.  "If she doesn't I will be.  She's caused too many problems."

"The coven considers her a rogue and is semi-waiting until she causes a fatal problem.  If she kills with it, she's a goner."

"That's going to take too long."

"Well, she has been hunting with it," he admitted.  Jack smirked evilly and sent that message to them.  Dawn showed back up and went for her bag in the closet.  "Apocalypse outfit?"

"Yup."  She took it to the bathroom and came out.  "New boots though."

Xander looked at the two and a half inch spiked heeled boots that came up to her knees.  On top of that was a slim skirt and a jacket with a peplum that came down farther in the back than the front.  The jacket was buttoned up to just below her breasts.  Underneath the jacket was a scoop neck shirt of some sort.   Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and she had leather gloves on.  He nodded.  "The boots might be a problem if you have to chase her."

"I'll summon," she said.  She looked at Jack.  "Need me for the demon virus?"

"No.  It's killed with peroxide.  We've got sprayers."

She smiled.  "Thanks.  I'll be back later to mediate world war preggy."  She snapped her fingers and left.  She appeared in front of her mother, leaning down to hug and kiss her on the cheek.  "Hi, Mommy."

"You look very grown up today," she praised.

"The blood won't show when I kick someone's ass."  She smiled.  "Then we can have dinner?"

"We can do that.  I have heard and she's hiding."

Dawn laughed.  "Yeah, that's not going to save her."  Buffy walked in and paused, staring at her, head tipped slightly to the side.  "Like it?  It's an apocalypse battle outfit."

"I love those boots, but they're not going to be good for running."

"I don't run after things, Buffy.  You run after things."  She smirked.  "I've taken on Xander's method.  I like weapons."

"New cops in town."

"Boo hoo."  She hugged her mother again.  "Let me go talk to her about her keeping me a virgin sacrifice.  Even around that stupid spore plant."

"I heard about that," Buffy said with a grin.

"Xander's whole base fell down and fucked for days because of it and I didn't even twitch," Dawn told her.

"Language," her mother sighed.

"Yes, mommy."  She walked out, taking Buffy with her.  They ran into Spike and Tara.  "I'm sorry for your loss, Tara," she said, giving her a hug.  "Xander said the same."

"Again?" she moaned.

"Kept me a virgin on purpose with a sacrificial marking."  Tara whined.  "And the coven said that she was trying to drain off my natural power."  Tara shook her head.  "So yeah, it's them or me.  Since it's keeping me from dating?  It's me."  Tara gave her a hug.  "I love you.  You should come help me.  Cardiff is really pretty.  There's a kicking gay culture.  Jack and Ianto go out all the time and no one says anything to them."  She pulled back.  "You'd love it and it even has winter so you can dress up as a snow bunny and things."  She smiled and blocked off the feed.  "It won't save her, Tara.  The coven's coming if I don't."

"Shoot.  Please?"

"No.  She's been killing with her powers.  She nearly killed me with her powers.  She sent me to another galaxy without knowing where I was going and what it looked like."  Tara winced and released the small drain she had put on to try to save Willow's life.  "Sorry."

"I know.  It's not your fault."

"She's at my crypt," Spike said quietly.

Dawn pinched him on the arm.  "Thank you."  She walked Buffy off, talking about the various problems she had run into over there.  Her sister was finally seeing her as a knowing young woman and it was heady for her.

***

Xander came back with goo.  He went to shower it off.

"What is that?" Evan called.

"Dead trans dimensional being that wanted to be a plague.  It was killed with peroxide."

"Any chance of it spreading?"

"No.  It's dead.  That's why it exploded.  They all seem to explode when they die."  He sighed, going to scrape everything and himself off.  He came out of the shower and found Doctor Keller there.  "It was dead, that's why it exploded."

"Any chance of a little bit being alive?"

"Doc, it was a full creature that was pretending to be a cloud," he said dryly.  He saw her look and he stared at her.  "Yeah, I'm not badly built."

"I more wondered about the scar."

Xander looked down then at her.  "They didn't want to pay extra to circumcise me."  She shuddered.  "I was only six months old."  He grinned.  "It's cool."

"I'm taking it to check."

"As long as I get the clothes back," he sighed.  "I'll clean them when I get them back so you can't ruin them."  She nodded and put them into a bag and walked off.  He pulled over a towel to dry himself off.  If she wanted to stare, so be it.  It wasn't like she was the first.

***

Radek looked up as Xander came in without a t-shirt on.  "What is wrong?" he asked quietly.  Xander turned to show him and he winced.  "Gel?"  Xander handed it back so he smoothed it over the scratches.  "What did that?"

"The cloud thingy that Jack and his people were fighting.  Since Gwen's pregnant and her husband's panicking, I stepped in after siccing Dawn on Willow."

"What was it doing?" he asked, closing the tube and using a lens wipe to clean off his hands.

"The usual, destroy humanity with a plague, take over the planet, blah blah blah," he said dryly.  He pulled on his t-shirt.  "Pretty wimpy since it was killed with peroxide."

Radek cleared his throat.  "You fought something that could carry a plague and you're already out of the infirmary?"

"It was dead when it sent goo at me," he said dryly.  "Keller already stole my clothes and all that, Radek.  Besides, kinda not going to spread it or anything," he said quietly, staring at him.

"We will make sure."

"Of course you will," he sighed, sitting down so he could take the tube back.  "So I should go to my office?"

"Infirmary would be better," he said firmly.

"I'm fine.  It's not like it gave it to us.  We killed it before it could surround us enough to make us sick."

Radek stared at him and called the doctor.  She gave him the right information and he sighed in displeasure.  He looked at his boy.  "You are right, had no sickness left in the goo.  Goo is disgusting though."

"It'll come off when I soak it."  He shrugged a little bit.  "I'm pretty decent at getting goo out of things.  It was kinda a necessity before."

"What did you bring back?" Rodney demanded as he stomped in.

"I got gooed when I helped kill the thingy," Xander said.  "It's all dead."

He pinched the bridge of his nose.  "What was it?"

"Some evil wannabe cloud monster that was trying to hug everyone to death."  Rodney gave him the dirtiest look he had ever seen.  "We killed it before it could infect others."

"How?" he asked a bit too calmly.

"Peroxide.  And the goo was it's insides, not the disease."

"Yes, I heard she found bits of organ tissue."  He swatted Xander, making him yelp.  "Behave.  For one day?"

"I had to go save Dawn and then Jack's coworker was arguing with her husband because she's pregnant and he didn't want her to go into the field."

"That's wise of him," Radek agreed.  "That sort of thing is dangerous."

Xander looked at him.  "Sometimes you gotta do the job, Radek."

He stroked his boy's hair then smacked him on the head, earning a smirk from Rodney for stealing his move.  "There's others now.  Let them."

"He's right.  You're not on the front lines any longer.  You're now a linguist."  He smacked him too.  "Doctor Keller is fascinated by this problem."  He walked off, going to tell her what he now knew.  That way they could weed the peroxide out and recreate the disease so they knew how to handle it if it showed up again.

Xander looked at Radek.  "If you're going to keep swatting me I'm going to say you're too mean to me."

"I am not mean to you," he said, staring him down.  "Simply reminding you of the fact that you are not the only knight."  Xander sighed but nodded.  "Good.  Now, go do something less insane."

"It's our day for physics," he said quietly.  "Where's Faith?"

"She turned her ankle."

"Oh.  So lessons are off?  Because I find you hot when you teach."

Radek smiled.  "I like that about you.  I truly do.  I will teach you more later."  Xander beamed.  "And you will teach me more words in Chinese."  Xander nodded, getting up to get something to eat.  Radek sighed.  He was giddy and stupid in love or else he should have turned the boy over his knee for going and getting into things like that when he didn't have to.  Maybe Lorne would like spanking games for him?  He went to find him since it was his day off.  They had to stop Xander before they all lost him.  He found him in his room, getting let in after a moment.  "Evan."

"Radek.  What's wrong?"

"When Xander went to help Dawn, he got involved in something down there with her people."

"A fight?" he guessed.

"With something he called a cloud monster that spread a plague."

Evan snorted.  "That sounds like him."  He sat down again.

"It is dangerous."

"Radek, he's a knight.  He's going to jump into things that he can help with."

Radek walked around to stare at him better.  "He came back covered in goo and who knows what else.  Rodney said Doctor Keller identified organ parts."  Evan grimaced.  "Exactly."

"You can't do more than talk to him about it because he'll become defensive.  We both know why he has to do those things," he pointed out.  "He's like that.  That's how he got involved at home."  Radek nodded, grimacing at that.  "Even though he's feeling some burn out from all that stuff, he'll pout, get defensive, and then feel miserable and like we turned on him."

"Can we work something out to help him?"

"I have been but you never know.  We'll figure it out between the three of us.  I know he probably felt it was his duty since he was there and I heard him say that one of her coworkers was pregnant."

"Probably," he admitted, sitting down in front of him.  "I don't want to go missing him."

"We won't.  Remember, Xander's really hard to kill."

"Not to make sick.  That one carried a plague."

Evan nodded.  "Then we'll be concerned, let us make sure he's all right.  If we fuss, he'll react.  I don't want him to stomp off."

"I swatted him on the head like Rodney does.  He didn't appreciate it."

"I'm sure he doesn't.  You don't."

"No but I don't do heroic stuff like that."

"You have."

"I try not to.  It ruins my nerves."  He looked at his hands then up at him.  "I don't want to make him go away in any fashion, but it ruins my nerves more than being on a mission with Colonel."

"That gets mine too," Evan admitted with a grin.  "They get into some of the damndest shit."

Radek nodded.  "Too often.  Will end up frying Rodney's brain and leave me in charge, which I do not want."

"Then we'll talk to him later on."  He looked at his door and went to check but no one was hanging outside like he had felt they were.  He sighed.  "Let's go find him.  I think he heard some of it."  Radek groaned but left with him.  They found Xander in the cafeteria eating pudding.  "That is not a healthy dinner," he said, sitting across from him.

"I deserve it."

"Yes you do."  Evan sat down across from him.  "What did you hear?"

"You both hate me."

"We do not.  We're worried we're going to lose you to something that you felt you had to take on."

"Same thing."

"No, it's what concerned people and friends do," Radek told him.  He stared at the boy.  "You would be concerned if he did such things."  Evan and Xander both stared at him.  "I am brave, but not that brave.  I know this about myself."  He looked at their boy again.  "We do not want you to foolishly waste yourself when there are others who can jump in."

"She was pregnant.  Her husband was throwing a fit."

"You kept Jack's boy out of it too probably," Radek pointed out.

"He's fragile."

"All people are.  Even you."  Evan stared him down.  "We don't want you to do anything dumb and get hurt.  Or even anything smart and get hurt.  It'd hurt us if you got hurt," he said quietly, glancing around.

"I put up a privacy barrier," he said, stuffing his spoonful of pudding into his mouth.

"Thank you.  You know how some of the military guys can be."  Evan looked at him.   "We don't want to have to mourn you, Xander."

"It was necessary."

"I know it was," Radek agreed.  "But still, you worry us.  Any boyfriend would be worried.  Were not the others?"

Xander snorted.  "Why would they be worried?  Even the ones who saw me in battles weren't worried."

"Then they were dumb and had no idea of your true worth."

Xander grimaced.  "Maybe I'm not cut out for these things."

"Whoa," Evan said.  "So not the issue, Xander.   You're more than ready and we love having you.  You're a good boyfriend."  Xander looked at him, looking confused.  "Really, you are."

"No I'm not.  I don't remember things.  I have to keep myself from spoiling you like I did the last one.  Hell, sometimes I have to keep myself from reacting the same way."

Evan stared at him.  "Neither of us have been in strong, strict relationships before but what we have is good, yes?"  Xander nodded, looking miserable.  "We don't want you to be anything other than yourself but we're allowed to worry because we're with you."

Rodney glared at the thing that kept him from his usual seat and it let him through.  He sighed as he sat down.  "It was rude to block off the table all for yourselves."  He settled himself into eating, looking at them.  "Why are you two making him miserable?"

"We're worried about the things he does sometimes," Evan said.

"I'd worry too," Rodney agreed.  "They have a high chance of getting him dead."  He looked at Xander.  "Are you suicidal?"

"No."

"Are you certain?"

"Yes."

"Then why do things like that?"

"Someone has to.  Jack was down a person."

Rodney chewed his present bite then shook his head.  "He could conscript police officers to help."

"They wouldn't because it was them and the thing was making people sick."

"So like a knight you rode into battle, handled the situation, then left again," Rodney said.  Xander nodded.  "Which is consistent with the way you did things at home.  Though it's a bit unnecessary if they announced themselves."  He ate another bite.  "If they were going into battle, wouldn't you worry?"

"It wasn't a battle," he hissed.

"Bullshit.  You came back with organ parts on you," Rodney said, looking at him.  "That's a battle, not a fight.  A fight, you come back with scratches or bruises, not bits and pieces."  He ate another bite.  Mira and Armand came running in, chased by Ronon.  They both ran to their parents and hopped up, curling around their necks to hide.

Xander looked at Armand, then at Mira.  "At least you already have one of those," he told the dragon, who purred at him.  Ronon glared.  "They got your hair?"

"Yes, while I rested."  He glared at McKay.

"You know they find your hair fascinating.  I think she wanted a braid to snuggle with at night like he has."  Ronon stomped off in a huff.  "It'll grow back," he called after him.  He looked at his dragon.  "No more sneak attacking.  I don't want him to hit me."

Mira cooed and nuzzled him, curling around her braid to cuddle.  Rodney petted her.  Xander patted Armand. "You two can suck up to him in the next few days to make it up to him."  He patted Mira too.  "Be a good girl.  Ronon might scare the daddy if you're not nice to him."  She curled tighter around her braid then hopped down and went to coo at Ronon.  He brought her back.  "I told her to apologize."

"She's very adorable at it," he said dryly, handing her off.  He picked up the braid to hand over.  "At least she won't try to pack me."  He walked off again.

"See, he forgives you and loves you," Xander told her.  She cooed at her daddy.

"Of course he does.  You're loveable.  He adores you as a litter mate or whatever you would consider it.  Nestmates?"  Xander shrugged.  "Hmm."  He petted her and she went back to happy dragon baby with newly gotten prize.  "So, are we going to see more incidences of you helping the bored Marines with things?"

"What things?" Evan Lorne asked.  "I haven't heard any new boredom activities."

"It appears our bungee jumping club is reformed," Rodney said, stuffing his mouth.  "And I caught him off his tower."

"I let them jump off the balcony and they showed me how," Xander defended.

"And the one off the top tower?"

"Isn't that more BASE jumping?" John asked as he sat down.  "Which technically isn't on the forbidden list."  He looked at Xander.  "We won't talk about those guys doing endurance swimming."

"I nearly made it to the mainland in one go," Xander said proudly.  "I only had to rest for a few minutes before finishing it."

"Have we not realized that there may be nasty things in the water?" Rodney asked.  "Like creatures?"

"Most of them like me because I nearly became one of them."

"There's something huge because it nearly ate Rodney," John told him.

"Yeah, I saw it on my swim about a mile from here.  I think it's lonely."

Radek stared at him, fork halfway to his mouth, Evan was choking.  "You did what?"

"What what?" he asked.  He ate another bite, letting Armand have some of it when he meeped.  He cooed and nuzzled.  Xander fed him another bite then ate two last ones and put Armand on the table, pointing at his tray.

Radek dropped his fork.  "You swam to the mainland from here?  Not from some artificial starting point?" he asked.  Xander nodded.  "Why?"

"Because I needed to keep up my endurance."

"And you can't jog?" John asked.

"I do that every week.  This is once a month.  A few of the guys go with me.  We get one of the guys flying by us in case we cramp.  That way no one can say we're not using safety precautions.  Or in case of an attack so they can pick us up and we can come back."  He petted Armand, getting lapped.  "You're welcome."  Armand yawned and stretched, looking at Evan and Radek, then daddy.  He climbed up Daddy and got comfy since the daddy friends didn't seem too happy by their scents.

"When did we do this?" Evan asked.

"We go once a month."

"Not the question I asked," he said quietly.

"We go again next week."

"Why didn't anyone put that on the list of missions?" John asked.

"I don't arrange those things."

"Good point.  Guys, who's doing the endurance swimming?" he yelled.  "Nothing's on the list and you have to check out the jumper if you're taking one."

"I was going to put it on tomorrow, sir," one of the Marines called.  He looked over.  Clearly they were nagging the kid again.  "Everyone's been cleared by medical.  We bring one of the nurses with us as well."

"Put it on the list sooner so I can work that around missions," John reminded him.

"Yes, sir."

"Thank you."  He looked at Xander, then shook his head.  "How many miles are you up to?"

"I made it within sight of the mainland, had to take a break for about thirty minutes of floating, and then finished.  The first time I only made it an hour and then had to be brought up."

John blinked.  "This has been going on how long?"

"Five months," the guy said, coming over.  "He's not bad, sir.  He keeps up with those of us who're triatheletes."  Xander beamed at him.  "But he still can't run a marathon."

"My running sucks," Xander agreed.  "But I'm better."

"You are better, kid.  You ran like a girl before."

"I was surrounded by girls and Sunnydale didn't want to teach us to get away."

"I know."  He patted him on the head to stop that topic before he got a headache.  "We go once a month.  Everyone has to have medical clearance before we go.  No missions the day before, the day after, and we take precautions, sir.  I promise we're not risking ourselves."

"I know you're not.  It sounds like you have good plans, but I wanted and needed to know about these things so I can maybe move missions more than a day after."

"That's only been a problem once and his teammates said he snored that night," he said honestly.

"Good.  Any other activities you guys are doing?"

"We like to jump off his balcony."  He shrugged.  "We've been teaching him proper jumping skills.  Including parachute jumping in case it ever comes necessary.  Really, he's one of the few that makes it all the way there.  We have two others who do but they're special ops trained.  They said his times needed to improve but he's good."  He smiled at the boy and pet then at his commanding officer.  "Was there a problem?"

"I need to know about all sports that could hurt people," John reminded him.

"Mostly we're just keeping ourselves fit, sir.  In case of a long run.  You need to work on that some more, kid."

"I'll go jog on the treadmill tonight."

"Good.  Have O'Neill help you.  He knows how to run."  He patted him again and walked off happier.  He could have stopped it totally but apparently he was going to let it go on.

John stared at Xander.  "I'm impressed."  The boy blushed and ducked his head.  "I can't make it that far."

"I figured since I have fish DNA I should get more comfortable in the water."

"That's more than comfortable."

"But it's good and it gives me time to clean my mind."

"I get that," he promised, smiling slightly.  "Still insane."

"It is not."

"Yeah, it is," Evan said.  "It's *miles* to the mainland."

"I know that.  I swim better than I run."

Radek stared at him.  "I think that is insane but I understand why you do so," he said finally.  "Though I would worry about all this jumping and things."

"Me too," Evan said.

"It's fine," John assured them.  "It's not like he's suicidal or anything.  He's under watch of people who're more experienced and can train him."  He looked at the boy, giving him a clear message of he was under watch.  Xander shrank down some, but went back to petting Armand.  "I can't disagree with him doing it. Though I do want his jogging to get better.  There's not many times we'll be swimming on missions.  Running we seem to do every week."

"I've been trying but I suck at running," Xander told him.

"That's fine," he promised.  "Let's still build that skill.  I don't care about marathons but running for your life is good."

"I'm trying."

"Good.  That's all I can ask for, Xander."  He smiled at him, watching him start to relax.  "But no more bungee jumping.  It's dangerous."

"We have safety gear.  Armand checks it each time and pats it before we go."

"That's wonderful but it's very dangerous.  We'd hate to lose you to squishing when something happened."

"It's less dangerous than riding a motorcycle."

"Maybe but I still worry."

"Too much," Xander shot back.

"It's my job as military head and I'll be talking with him about cutting out the jumping totally.  Even with instructors, people die in jump school every year."

Xander huffed.  "We're fine.  It's not like I'll squish."

"They might."

"I'd try to help."

"Good!  Still too dangerous.  If we were at the mountain, I wouldn't mind if you guys went to do it at a reputable firm.  Here, we don't have anyone licensed to handle these things."

Xander slumped.  "I guess."

"Thank you.  I'm not asking you to stop totally.  Just to stop the dangerous shit that'll drive everyone nuts if we lose you.  I wouldn't let Rodney do it either.  Though if you want to, you can make him run with you.  He needs some more running practice."

"I hate jogging," Rodney said.  "Mira gave me the strangest look when I did some treadmill work then used the bike."

"It's wonderful for her but I need you to keep up so you're not a liability on a mission," John said.  He nodded at that, digging in again.  "Thank you both."  He finished up and went to talk to the guy about any other activities.  He understood the concerns about jumping and agreed it was dangerous but said that some of them needed the jump training.  John cut that part out but left the other stuff they had planned.  They didn't need to go missing any people from that.  Even if it did let the guys release some pent up feelings.   He'd rather they boxed.  Kickboxed.  Anything other than bungee jumped or BASE jumped.

***

Xander settled into his bed, putting in a movie.  Armand looked around then at him.  "No, it's just us tonight," he said quietly.  He patted his lap and Armand roared, pouncing him.  He smiled, rolling around and playing with him.  He hadn't gotten to play in a while.  Armand was finally panting and lapped him, then they settled in to watch the movie.  Armand snuggled against the daddy's side.  Since there were no daddy friends tonight, he got all the cuddling he wanted.  No fun giggling though.

He looked up at his daddy, seeing him staring at the tv.  He wiggled down, making Xander blink.  He went into the bathroom but Xander was back into not staring at the movie so he left and headed to the transporter.  Daddy wouldn't mind.  Daddy needed more human giggling time, even if it meant cutting into his cuddling.  He went down to the nearest room, nosing the door.  All the doors in the city reacted to that like he had pushed the silly human buttons.  The door opened and Radek stared down at him.

"What are you doing down here?"  Armand stared at him.  "What?  I do not read dragon minds."  Armand huffed and meeped then walked off.  Radek stared at him.  He didn't seem to be panicking.  Xander wasn't hurt because Armand got frantic when he got even a paper cut.  He grabbed shoes and followed him.  Armand nuzzled him in the transporter.  "Where are we going?"  The dragon huffed again.  "Your father's upset with us."  The dragon gave him a look like he was stupid.  "I get enough of that from Mira's parent," he said dryly.  "Quit picking up bad habits off him."

Armand gave him another dirty look and nosed the wall with the silly human buttons.  It went up.  It knew where he wanted to go.  He gave Radek a smug look.

"You are very odd, Armand."  They got off and walked over to where Xander's door was, him ringing the 'bell'.  Xander came to the door, looking confused.  "Armand came to get me."

"Huh?"  He looked at his smug looking dragon.  He gave him a dirty look.

"I thought he learned that off Rodney," he said dryly.

Xander shrugged.  "Maybe I learned it off Rodney."

"Maybe.  I think I did too."  He walked in, looking at him.  "He wasn't happy."

"I don't know what's wrong with him."

"I think I do," Radek said, giving the boy a hug.  Xander was stiff.  "We will not fight.  Fighting is useless waste of time.  You do what you must do but we wish you wouldn't do it so often so we didn't have to worry so much."

"It was necessary."

"That's fine," he agreed.  "Next time tell us so we can worry."  He sat down with the boy, looking at the movie.  "Are you watching the girl movie?"

"Huh?"  Radek pointed and he shrugged.  "I was more wanting noise."

Radek changed the movie and they settled in to watch it together.  The boy was still stiff but he slowly relaxed against his side.  He noticed the door opening and looked down, no Armand.  "I believe he left again."

Xander grimaced.  "He's probably hungry."

Radek wasn't sure but he'd let the boy think that for now.  Until the pushy little beast brought someone else up to comfort Xander.

***

Armand hated the silly human buttons tonight.  They were too high and he didn't know what they were for anyway.  This door didn't go off at his nosing.  He huffed and saw a small light.  He followed it and found two of the three he wanted.  He smirked mentally.  He hopped up on top of the first one, staring him in the eye.

"Hi, Armand," John said, petting him.  "What are you doing?"  Armand nodded.  "What?"  Armand gave him the dumbass look.  "You learned that off Rodney," he complained.  Rodney looked over.  "Isn't that the look you give your minions?"

"It is.  He's clearly learning from the best."  Armand bit him and nodded.  "What!" he complained.  Mira cheeped and got down, going to help her friend.  She got the missing uncle friend.  "Where are you going?" Rodney asked.  Armand nipped again and nodded again.

Atlantis appeared.  "I believe he wants you to go watch movies with Xander," she said.  "He's recently gotten Dr. Zelenka."

"Ah," John said.  "We're watching movies down here," he told the dragon.  Who gave him that dumbass look again.  "Bring Xander and Radek down here.  They can cuddle up with us."  Armand looked at the others then at him.  "He could still join us."  Armand nipped him again, making him sigh.  "Why me?"  He got nuzzled.  Mira came back with Evan.  "I think they're conspiring to get us to go up to watch movies with Xander."

"I think so too."  He looked down at the dragon huffing at him and heading for the transporter.  "McKay, she's wandering off to the transporter without you."  He got up to save her from the devices that might hurt her.  She got them sent off.  "I think she thinks she won."

"She's a woman, of course she did," one of the Marines said.  "They might have a point, sirs.  Harris didn't look happy at dinner.  I don't know why you two chewed him a new one but you made him look like had been caught screwing the pets."

"That's a disgusting thought," Evan complained.  "We didn't chew him a new one."

The marine looked at him.  "Sir, what's the definition of a knight?" he asked dryly.   "Because my little brother is FBI and when I asked him to look at Harris' file it said his common underground name is The White Knight.  Capitalized."

Evan moaned, heading that way.  Armand roared and made John get up by chewing on his ear until he did what he wanted.  Finally!  Armand got them moving and they both stared at him.  He gave them pointed looks back.

"Am I surprised that Atlantis lets them use the transporter?" John asked.

"No.  She likes them too."  They got off and walked into Xander's room, settling down to watch the movie with them.  Rodney was on the foot bench, stretched out with Mira.  Who was huffing.  "McKay, that's a womanly sound of disgust," he told him.

"How would I know?  My sister doesn't make those at me."  He looked at her.  "What?"  She nosed at the bed.  He looked back, giving Sheppard a dirty look.  "No, I don't think we need to cuddle with them."  She nosed him then at the bed.  "No, we'll be cuddling down here.  They don't need or want to cuddle us."  He held her better, making her meep pitifully.  He grimaced.  "Behave."

Xander smiled.  "She can come up, Rodney."

"She wants both of us to come up."

"There's room against the headboard," John offered.

"We're fine."  Mira nipped him hard on the chest.  "Ow!"  He sighed and got up, doing as she had ordered.  He'd swat her if she looked smug though.  She was so much worse than a cat!  She purred and curled up in his lap, nudging John's hand a few times to make him pet her too.  "You are so spoiled," Rodney complained.

John smiled.  "Just like your cat?"

"Worse.  He'd only let me pet him."  He petted her, making her a happy dragon.  Armand was stretched across the daddy's lap, letting the daddy friends pet him too, looking blissed out.  The last movie stopped.  "Who gets next pick?"  Someone rang the bell.

"Who is it?" Xander called.

Ronon walked in with Teyla.  "Since our team movie night seems to have switched up here at the urging of the beasts."  They settled in.

"Someone pick something then," Xander ordered.  They got into his stash of movies, finding one they liked.  It was put on and everyone relaxed.  "We need popcorn," he said quietly.  A bag got beamed into each of their laps.  "Thank you."  He dug in, smiling when both pets went to suck up to Ronon again.  Teyla got some love too.  Mira was nice that way because she had good nails.

***

Miko came down from Xander's room blushing.  "I believe we are on our own this morning," she told the scientists.  "They took their team movie night to the aerie and Xander's tv."  They all smiled at that.  "All of them are still asleep."  She walked out to talk to the third-in-command.  "Excuse me," she said.  He smiled at her and she cleared her throat.  "They moved the team movie night to the aerie and they're still asleep," she said quietly.  "Including Major Lorne."

"I'll make sure things go on.  Thank you, ma'am."  She nodded and left.  He went to check the security footage, staring at the picture.  Ronon and Teyla were on that long foot bench he had.  She had taken up on his hip to use it as a pillow.  The other four were on the bed, curled in a puppy pile.  He nearly went 'aww' but saved it down and then cleared the search and turned the camera off.  He erased all footage from the start of them showing up.  It was cute the dragons had insisted from what he heard.

Woolsey walked in with a printout.  "Where's Sheppard?"

"Still napping, sir."

"Major Lorne?"

"Ditto, sir."

He looked at him.  "Where are they napping and are they together?" he asked dryly.  He showed him the picture.  "Oh."

"Movie night."

"Uh-huh."

"The dragons came down to insist from what I heard."

He nodded.  "Fine.  Let them sleep.  I need to see someone about this scheduled jumper use.  Swimming?"

"We have some people doing endurance swimming, sir," he said.  "That's the safety precaution in case they wear themselves out."

"Endurance swimming?"

"Yes, sir, they make it to the mainland."  He got a strange look.  He shrugged.  "It's good for them.  A few of the guys are triatheletes."

"Like the Iron Man competition?"  He nodded.  "Okay then.  That's fine.  Sheppard knows?"

"As of last night in the mess.  From what I heard, he did cancel the bungee jumping they were also doing to keep in jump training."

"I believe I'll go have a headache at that thought."  He walked off shaking his head.

The major smiled, that had been easy.

***

John woke up with a groan, pushing at the hair on his face.  It clearly wasn't his since his wasn't that long.  Unless someone had grown his hair out to princess length overnight.  He blinked at the color of the hair, looking at the head then the one on his stomach.  Someone was snoring into his belt.  He smiled and yawned.  He started to get free but he got bitten on the side, making him hiss and tense up.  He looked down.  There he was.  And Radek was on Evan's back.  He petted Xander's head, making him calm back down and let him go.  He shifted a knee to nudge him and Xander shifted and flipped over to nibble on Evan's stomach instead.  Evan moaned and petted him.  You had to smile at their cuteness.  He moved Rodney off his stomach gently and wiggled out from the pile.  Rodney patted and shifted once he ran into Xander's back.  He snored hard and Xander wiggled, taking him as a pillow, sucking on him.  John smirked, sneaking out.  It woke Ronon and Teyla.  He nodded silently, getting a nod.  They snuck out after a glance at the bed.

In the transporter, Teyla yawned.  "They were adorable curled together that way but will Rodney mind the mark he's being given?"

"Probably not," John said.  "Until he realizes how big it'll be.  They deserve to sleep in today."  He got off on the main floor, letting them head to their rooms while he went to his.  He showered, changed, and went to his office.  "Major."

"Sir."  He smiled.  "I blocked out the cameras and erased the feed from last night."

"It's cool."  He held up the picture.  "He's adorable that way."

"You all are, sir."  He smirked.  "Not to blackmail you.  Just cute."  He walked off.  "Woolsey wanted briefed about the endurance club.  I told him what I knew.  He walked off with that headache look."

"That's fine.  He has that often these days."  He logged into his computer.  "Did you turn off the cameras?"

"Yes, sir, because I'm not sure how they'll wake up but it was gaggingly cute.  You guys looked nice together."  He walked off smirking.

John smirked and put that guy's team on a trade mission the next day.  It was good payback for calling him cute.  After an hour of not having anyone else appear he checked in.  They were still cuddled together.  Rodney's hickey was visible from the camera.  Xander had done a good job on it.  And it looked like he had a second one from Evan being done right now.   He turned off the camera and erased the records.  He heard a noise and looked down.  "Hi, Mira.  Hungry?"  She gave her mini roar and gave him the hurt, pouty look she had learned off Dawn.  "I hate it when you do that to me."  She did it anyway.  "What?"  She nosed at the hallway.  "No, I have to work right now."  She did it again then roared.  "No, I can't go sleep again.  I'm up now and I need to work.  I'll see them again later."  She bit him and he yelped.  "Hey!"  She did it again.  Then gave him the pouty look.  "I have to be here, Mira."

Woolsey came over, looking at the small dragon.  "Did she bite you?"

"She wants me to go back to sleep."  She gave him the pouty look.  Then she roared and jogged off.  He sighed, following her before she got into trouble.  He ran into Miko.  "Mira's being unreasonable."  Mira climbed up on a table, looking around before nosing something and looking at Miko.

"That is very mean," she said, petting her gently.  Mira pouted at her.  "I did not know dragons could pout."

"She learned it from Dawn."

Mira leaped at him.  Miko considered it then sprayed him with the plant extract spray.  Mira nuzzled her and then looked around, roaring.  Atlantis appeared.  "Of course, since you're such a good and thoughtful sabra, Mira.  It's very thoughtful to make your human feel better."  She beamed him away, beaming at Miko.  "She is very firm in her belief that humans need to nest now and then.  They all are."

"She was quite sure of what she wanted."

"Her father petted her while watching you work on that.  She's got a good memory."  Atlantis disappeared.

"Thank you," Miko called.  She smiled and logged into the computer system.  She nearly cooed at the cuteness of Radek and Rodney cuddling on Xander's chest with Evan on Radek's lower back, petting his stomach.  John was on the bed and hadn't been pulled in yet.  But Xander was wiggling that way.  She watched until Xander nuzzled and John flinched so he got bitten.  Then it was better because John flipped over to cuddle him.  That did get a coo and she turned off the camera after downloading the video.  It wasn't going to get any further than her computer.  She needed such sappy sights to make her happy during the bad times.

***

Rodney finally woke up and moaned, stretching and popping his joints.  He ran into someone and looked back, totally confused before his coffee.  "What are you doing?" he asked the warm body.  He realized one was against his stomach and looked then groaned.  "No," he complained.  Xander pounced him.  He gave up to the sucking on his neck, falling back asleep.  He woke up a few minutes later at the feeling of someone rubbing against his leg.  "Xander," he sighed.  He petted the boy's dirty, sweaty hair.  "It's all right.  There, chew on Radek," he offered, nudging him at Radek.  Xander shifted over and it was better.

Now he had to get away from the grabby one Sheppard, who pulled him closer.  "Bathroom," he murmured.  John grumbled and held him tighter.  Rodney grimaced, getting free and climbing over the footboard.  He looked at his watch and sighed.  "We're late!" he called.  John snored louder.  Rodney sniffed him.  "Plant spray," he sighed.  He went to the bathroom and came out more presentable.  He checked the others, just asleep.  Evan woke up when he touched him.  "It's nearly noon," he said quietly.

"Shit," he muttered, getting up to stretch and clean himself up.  He stared at the bed.  "Any hope?"

"Sheppard got hit with the new plant spray.  The other two..."  He grimaced.  "Tired."

Evan looked at Rodney.  "I think they were hungry."  Rodney gave him an odd look so he moved the collar further out of the way.   Rodney went to look, sighing in displeasure.  "You can cover most of it."  He stared at it.  "I'm sorry if any of that is mine."

"It's fine.  Clearly I taste good."

Evan grinned.  "You might."  Rodney blushed.  "Want me to get Radek up?"

"No, let those two sleep.  Sheppard will be out for hours.  The boy clearly needs it too."  They walked out together, going to clean up and report for duty.  He walked into the lab and took Miko's computer, erasing the video feed she had going.  He stared at her.  "That was evil."

She smiled.  "Mira wanted me to."

"I'm sure she did.  She's not the head of science, I am.  No more using the damned plant spray."  She nodded, trying to hide her smile.  "And quit staring at it."  She looked away.  "All right, now that I'm fully rested, what have you screwed up this morning?" he demanded.  "Because it's clear someone's done something wrong!  Thankfully nothing exploded."  He kept Miko's computer.  "No.  I don't think so.  There will be nothing left."  He stared her down, getting a sheepish look.  "Tough."

"Did you taste good?" she asked.

"Clearly.  Which means they showed excellent taste while asleep," he shot back.  "Just for that, perhaps you'd like to join the team going today to that nice planet with all the swamps?"  She groaned, but knew it was an order.  He looked a the others.  "Who else fucked up?"

"Sir, is that a hickey?" one of the new ones asked.  The others groaned and got out of the way so Rodney could yell at him and not them.  That one would be checking out the sewers.  It was a necessary job they'd all been avoiding.  They knew better than to do more than mildly speculate.  Not that they thought anyone would have him while awake or unspored....

***

Radek woke up, blinking at the feeling of someone sucking on his nipple.  He used a finger to break the suction.  "Clearly you need something to eat," he teased, running a finger down Xander's nose.  He looked over.  "Colonel?" he called.  John just snored a bit louder and flipped onto his side.  Radek noticed he had his gun on and grimaced.  He shifted and carefully removed it slowly then put it on the foot bench.  He sild out, letting Xander cuddle up to John.  They weren't going to wake up anytime soon.  He checked Xander's forehead.  The last time he had slept like this, he had the flu.  He was a bit warm but okay.  He left, going to clean up and head to the lab.  "Why did you not wake me?" he demanded as he walked in.

"I couldn't," he said dryly, looking at him.  "You're awake now?"

"Mostly.  I could use some coffee."  Rodney pointed at the pot some scared Marines had brought him to make him quit screaming at the tactless people.  Radek got himself a cup and turned, staring at his neck.  "You could be just as liable."

"No, that is not something I'm guilty of.  The other two yes.  Apparently the colonel?"

"Miko.  Mira got her to drug him with the plant spray.  She's helping the team going to look in the swamps."

"That is mean," he decided, taking another drink.  He looked at the hickey again, reaching over to twitch the collar higher.  "There, is better covered."

"Thank you.  I erased her files from the video feed."

"Thank you."  He finished his coffee and settled down to work.  "We need to watch Xander for a fever later.  He's still sleeping.  Would not wake up."

"Like when he wore himself out?"

"No, like when he had the flu."

"That's fine.  It should be at least another four hours for the spray to wear off.  If he hasn't reappeared by then, I'll call John to tell him to check him."  That got a nod and they went back to work.  "Radek, that's backwards."

"Is not."

"Is too," he said, pointing at the schematic.  Radek turned it around.  "See, still backward."

Radek looked at him.  "There is no reason to put the pipe on that way.  There's no difference."  He got back to work.  No matter what he said.  Rodney fussed and argued; it was the asshole he was.

***

John woke up, again, and yawned.  "I'm going to make her do PT for weeks," he muttered.  He heard a grunt and looked down.  "Hi, Xander."  Xander whined, moving closer.  He petted him gently.  "Ah, you're sick."  He tested his forehead.  "That's not too bad."  He flipped them both over, checking him.  A few hickeys.  He had complained about Evan doing it to him before so that was fine.  There was a bruise though.  He gently touched around it and the boy flinched.  He stripped him down, finding more bruises.  "Shit."  He got off the bed and made sure he was fine.  He could feel the wet spot of a hickey on his arm and one on his shoulder through his shirt so he'd deal with those later.  He had to find his gun.  Then he called the doctor.  She came up quickly.  "Doc, look at those bruises.  Half of them are from needles it looks like."

"I haven't drawn blood from Xander."  She checked him over, getting a sleepy pat and a grab attempt.  "Sit and distract him."  John sat next to Xander, letting him curl up around his thigh and coo, pet, and lick his gun.  "Awww, that's so.... very kinky, Colonel."

"He likes weapons," he quipped.  "Any idea?"  She shook her head.  "Atlantis?"  She appeared, looking at him, smiling some.  "Who's been drawing blood from Xander?"

She sighed.  "There are three that have drawn blood recently.  Doctor Keller, if you look you'd find Doctor Bordin had.  The other two are in biology."

"McKay," John called over his comm.  He got connected to him.  "Biologists are pulling blood from Xander?"  Xander hummed.  "Sleep, Xander.  Jennifer, look at his side.  There by his liver," he said quietly.

She looked then grimaced.  "That's from a biopsy."  She saw him wince.  "McKay?"

"I haven't heard language like that since the hooch blew up the spare lab," he said quietly.  "Can you find out who, McKay?"  He hung up.  "Let me know what you find, doc."

She scanned him, letting him take the scanner to use it under her orders.  He'd open up programs she couldn't because of his better ATA gene.  She saw the results and looked at him.  "Someone needs to die."

"Bring them to me," he ordered.  He moved and Xander blinked at him.  "Xander, are you aware that people have been taking blood from you?" he asked.

"No they haven't."

Doctor Keller coughed and pointed at mark he should be able to see without having to bend funny.  "Yeah they have."  He looked then scowled at her.  "Not my people, Xander.  Some biologists."  He growled.  "Rodney's looking for them.  I want you to finish resting."  Both dragons scurried up to curl around him.  "That's good pets."  She petted them both.  "I want you to rest.  Let us bite them then you can have them later, okay?"  He nodded, yawning and falling back asleep.  "That's not natural."

"He has been taking a nap about this time every day," Atlantis said.

"Drugged, or something like a hypnotic suggestion?" John asked.

"I think the latter but I cannot be sure."

"Thank you," Keller said.  "Let me know of anything else you see like that.  Who took the liver biopsy?"

"Doctor Komara."

"That's a good place to start," John said.  "Thank you, Atlantis.  Watch over him and let us know if something happens."  She bowed and he bowed back.  Then she left.  He looked at the doctor.  "Me first."

"We'll see."  She stomped off.  He followed, locking the door behind himself.  They couldn't find him but Evan stopped him when the base-wide alert he wanted that one in front of him within minutes.  She stared at him.  "What did you think you were doing performing medical tests when you're not that sort of doctor?" she asked, deceptively calm.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said, huffing.

"Really?" she asked dryly.  "Because the city has record of you doing a liver biopsy on someone."  He flinched.  She moved closer.  "How dare you," she growled.

"He heals in some freaky way!  We can use that!" he shouted back.

"No he doesn't!  He's got a higher pain tolerance so he hides it after it's done!" she shouted back, making him move back.  "You could have killed him, you fucking moron!"

Rodney walked in and grabbed the idiot.  "So it was you and Doctor Cautrell?"  The man swallowed, looking down.  "Let's talk in the office, shall we?  Then the nice, explosive doctor can talk to you before the colonel throws you in the brig until the next ship gets here."  He walked him off by the back of his neck.  A few tried to stop him.  "Do not," he ordered at one of his people.  "He was performing unauthorized medical tests on Harris.  Anyone else, I'll know within an hour and they had better confess to someone else!"  They went scurrying to ferret out the others.  He walked him past Zelenka.  "You, sit, stay."

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked.

"He did a liver biopsy on Harris."

Zelenka stood up.  "There is no way I do not want some of this yelling."

"After me," Rodney said, throwing him into the office so hard he hit the desk and moved it.  He looked at Radek.  "Then you get yours, then the doctor, then the colonel."

"He's mine, I get first yelling.  You get later."

"I'm the head of this department."  He walked in and slammed the door, locking it so Radek couldn't disturb the screaming the man would be doing.  Radek picked the lock and came in, locking them all in there and started off.  Rodney smirked at his style.  "You picked that up from me," he said dryly.

"Is not the only thing since you're making my hair fall out."  He kicked the idiot and went off on him again.  Half of it was in Czech but oh well.

Doctor Keller huffed when she couldn't get in.  "They're going to drive him to suicide before I get even a bit of yelling," she complained.  Miko came in covered in mud and bites.  "What happened to you?"

"Tiny swamp creatures," she said calmly.  She heard the screaming and sighed.  "Someone blew up a lab?"

"Someone decided to do things to Xander.  Drew blood and did a liver biopsy."

Radek opened the door.  "Why would they draw blood?"  He kicked the man when he tried to escape.  "You, stay," he sneered at him.

"He claimed he healed faster," she said dryly.  "That he wanted to distill it so others could have that benefit."

"Idiot!" he said, glaring at him.  "Xander only hides that he is hurt, he does not heal faster!"  He slammed the door and went off on him again.

Doctor Keller got Miko what she needed to treat the bug bites.  "Let me know if any get infected."  She sat down to wait her turn, checking the system's records to find anything else on Xander.  "John?" she called quietly.  He came over to read over her shoulder, getting a nod.  That was not a good file by Woolsey.  He was keeping track of all that stuff.

"Miko, get me this full file," he ordered, getting out of her way.  "Then erase the shit."  She nodded, glaring at the contents.  "We need to know anyone else who helped."

"Of course.  They're stupid."  She looked then at her.  "Radek?"  Jennifer smiled.  "Good!  It's about time he stood up for his man," she said quietly.  She found all the traces and got rid of them.  They were all downloaded to Rodney's special USB key.  She handed the computer back and sat down to get back to her report writing.  She would not be upsetting either of them today.  They might send her back there.

***

"Sir, it's Midway," Walter called.  "Unscheduled but they sent through the code and said it's personnel."

"Video?" he asked, walking out there.

"No, sir."  They watched as the iris opened and he sent that to Midway station.  Three people came rolling out of the stargate and then one very calm woman.  The gate shut down.

General Landry walked down there.  "Doctor Cutler.  What happened to them?  Were they attacked?"

"No, we felt they should be off Atlantis before we kill them, General.   Those of us in the society to protect competent linguists who talk to us like human beings have decided with our science head to hand these failures of breeding back to you."  One moaned so she kicked him again.  "Shut up, plebe, before I take over your punishment.  I do have plenty of means at my disposal before I feed you to Wednesday and Pugsley."

"Doctor Cutler, I know you're the heady of botany.  I don't remember these three being yours," Landry said calmly.  He reran the greeting and sighed.  "What did they do to Harris?"

She handed over the files.  "From a very huffy head and second of science, sir.  And my leave orders because my mother's a bit ill."

He flipped through the files then looked at her.  "You can go once you brief me, Doctor Cutler.  I hope she's going to get better."

"We all do, sir.  She's the backbone of her garden club and half the volunteering in her town."  She kicked the one that dared to get to his knees, making him whine.  "Shut up.  Like the other, I can make you plant food."  He fell back down crying.  "I think you'll find I'm about the only unpissed scientist we presently have over this situation."

"Infirmary, check them, then have them arrested," he ordered the doctor standing by.  "Let me hear the charges before I decide if we'll hand them to someone as an experiment."  She nodded, getting the Marines to drag them off for her.  He walked the usually very sweet botanist up to his office to hear what had happened *this* time.  She handed over another file during it and he read it over, grimacing.  At the end he nodded.  "I'll handle it, Doctor Cutler.   Thank you."

"Not a problem, General.  They would've died in captivity if they had been left there."  She stood up and nodded.  "Let me go nag my mother, sir."  She walked off, looking very calm and pleased with herself.  She never got to be the bad girl.  It had felt very good.

General Landry read over the files Woolsey had gathered, then sent them to Jack O'Neill.  Who sent back swearing.  So it wasn't a happy day.  He sent the other files and that got even more swearing and a general appearing in his office a few minutes later.  "They're in the infirmary. Doctor Cutler, the one who usually only talks to her plants in the cooingly sweet voice or baby talk, kicked them through the stargate and kept them down before she fed them to her plants."

"I can understand why.  She still here?"

"Her mother's ill."

"That's fine.  Those things happen," he agreed.  He read the original files, nodding some.  "The IOA isn't going to get the kid."

"No, they're not, and we're moving them back here within a year."

"I know."  He handed them back.  "Those three shits?"

"Infirmary.  They looked a bit worse for the wear."

"Excellent.  And that Zelenka finally stepped up to protect his man.  I like that about those three."  He crossed his arms over his chest.  "Out them?"

"We can't yet.  Things are too tenuous."

"I know."  He considered it.  "Let me talk to the higher ups."  Landry handed over the file Woolsey had created.  "This is not going to go well.  Who do you want in his place?"

"Is Carter less huffy?"

"No.  She's still complaining the city won't accept her because she won't treat it like it's alive."

"Sir, updates from Midway," Walter called.  "Material requests and things."  He brought it in.  "Plus extended leave paperwork for Doctor Cutler."  He handed them over, smiling at the other general.  "Sir."

"Hi, Walter.  Walter, who do you think should be the physical head of Atlantis?"

"Sheppard.  He seems to do half the work anyway, sir."

"He's already military head."

"Yes, sir, and the scientists' head should be able to work with him.  Colonel Carter was decent I suppose but I've heard rumors that she's not liking it right now.  Perhaps yourself or Doctor Jackson for a bit?"

"I might do that," he agreed.  "Not like we don't know how to handle emergencies."  He smirked.  "What else have you heard?"

"The endurance team is going very well right now.  Some of them are making it all the way to the mainland with only breaks."

"They're endurance swimming?" Landry asked.

"Yes, sir, some are special ops and some want to be special ops so they're taking some accessory training.  From the rumors I heard, Colonel Sheppard stopped the jump training using bungee and BASE jumping."

"Good of him," he agreed.  "I can send manuals if it'll help."

"They might like that, sir."  He went back to his seat.  He came back.  "I have heard that there was someone who tried to break into the sealed spore lotion up there but they were beaten by someone.  Possibly the intended victim.  I have not heard the identity of either."  He went back to his seat.

"Good to know," Jack agreed.  "Send that email as an enquiry."  He left, getting beamed back to his office and then going to the White House.  "Sir, do you have twenty minutes?" he asked the President when he ran into him walking his dog.

"Is it going to make me miss my next meeting by pissing me off or giving me a migraine?"

"The IOA has been gathering an information file on someone, sir."  He handed it over.

The president glanced over it.  "Bring that to me at 1400, General.  I'll have time then to chew someone a new one.  The boy all right?  He's got brass balls and I appreciate that.  Even if he does scare the crap out of me."

"They did an unauthorized series of tissue samples, sir.  He's presently a bit ill from that."

The president stared at him.  "Knocked him out?"

"A subroutine had him knocked out.  The three responsible came rolling through the gate a bit ago and got kicked by the reporting doctor, who was leaving for some family time."

"Good!  1400."

"Yes, sir."  He saluted and left, going to gather some more information on who wanted this file.  Someone was going to pay and pay hard.  The kid was one of theirs now.  There was no way he was going to be taken out.

19: Revealing Lines

Sheppared walked into the infirmary.  "Someone on the main base heard rumors that someone got into the spore lotion?" he asked Doctor Keller.

"Yes, they did try.  They were muttering about how they deserved a prize like a certain someone, and the person who overheard them beat them severely, which we didn't treat in the least since the ship was in orbit and Ellis took them immediately."

"They think they deserve Xander?" he asked.  She nodded.  "Does he know?"

"He's been made aware of it I think.  I know there's a few others who consider him worthy.  I doubt it'll happen."

"No, Xander will kill them," he agreed.  He sighed.  "Who?  I don't remember any sudden personnel changes."

"One of the scientists who believes he's Radek Zelenka's reward for putting up with Rodney McKay for so long."

John shook his head.  "No.  Not happening."

"The Marine who found out and beat him should have told him."

"I'll make sure of it and make sure they're going to be fixed too."  She smiled at that.  "It's still safely stored, right?"

"Still locked tight as of the inventory last night."  She got into the vault and stared, then opened the other boxes.  "No, I'm wrong.  Find it, Colonel."

"Got it."  He walked off.  "Team leader meeting, now!" he ordered over the comm.  "I'm by the infirmary, meet me."  They all came running along with those on guard duty.  "Someone has the lotion the botanists created.  It was stolen from the hazardous materials vault in the infirmary."

"The spore lotion?" one asked to make sure.  John nodded.  "What was it in?"

"A silver and white bottle with a label marked 'baby lotion'," Jon told him.  "Who would be that stupid?"

"Someone tried," another team leader told him.  "He got the hell beaten out of him for it, O'Neill."  Jon nodded at that.  "We'll do a search, sir.  Then start in the scientists' quarters after that."

"I'll have two teams assigned to help McKay with that," he said, pointing at two leaders, who nodded.  "I'll tell him, you guys help him search anything he wants to."  He walked off.  "Rodney," he said, walking into the lab a minute later.  "The lotion was stolen out of the infirmary."

"What lotion?" he asked, not looking up.

"THE lotion?" Radek demanded.  John nodded.

Rodney looked up.  "The spore lotion?"  John nodded.  "Where in the hell is it?"

"No idea yet.  These two teams are going to help you search anywhere you need them to.  If we have to move to personnel quarters searches, they'll be with your people."

"Agreed," he said firmly.  "Radek, go gather the minions."  He went to gather the other scientists.  This was horrible and keeping him from doing important things.

***

Xander looked up from his translating when someone squatted beside him.  "Major Peters, what's wrong?" he asked since the guy was staring at him.

"Harris, you were alerted that someone tried to steal that spore lotion because they thought they deserved you more than Zelenka right?"

"No, I wasn't."

"Okay," he sighed.  "Someone under Rodney was caught breaking in because he wrongly decided you were given to Zelenka for all his hard work."  Xander snorted, shaking his head.  "We know better, he was stupid.  He was beaten and sent on with Ellis.  They just checked; it's missing and that guy hadn't gotten that far."

"Oh, shit."

"Basically, yeah.  So be pretty careful.  All right?"

"Agreed.  Think they did something like dose my office?"

"I don't know.  Let's check it."  He got up and helped him check there and his room.  Not there or the transporter.  He was coming back down when he found it.  "Shit, it's on the pets," he said in awe.  That was nearly an evil move with how many of them petted the dragons.

Xander stared.  "Oh, damn it!  Atlantis, who put that on the pets?" he called.

"I could not see, Xander.  They did it out of my view."

"Okay.  Who's in charge of the search?"

"Who do you think?" he asked dryly.  "Two pissed off colonels."  He called it in.  "Sir, found the lotion on the dragons," he reported.  "Atlantis said she could not see who did it.  That it was blocked from her view."  He hung up and John got up there a few seconds later.  He pointed.  Armand was shiny with it.  Mira's coat was slicked back too.  "I can feel the itch starting and I haven't even touched them, sir."

"Good job," he said, patting him on the back.  "Put yourself off the schedule at least for tonight and go handle it."  He looked at Xander.  "They clearly wanted you."

"I was just told about the first one."

"They handled it without letting me know too," he said dryly.  "Can we get this off them?"

"Yeah, we can scrub.  We'd have to use the bigger shower."

"That would expose you," John pointed out.  "Or whoever was scrubbing."  Ronon came off the transporter.  "Someone got them with the spore lotion."

"Did they hope to make them breed?" he asked.

"No, they hoped to make Xander breed," he complained.  "Xander, can you check your things?"

"We just did."

"Good.  Okay, dragons, come on.  We're going to bathe the shit out of you today."  Xander ran up to get something and came back down in the wetsuit looking outfit.  "That'll work," he decided.  "C'mon. Let's take a shower."  He walked both pets down there, herding them after Ronon.  He also locked the transporter from going to Xander's office or rooms.  "Jon, make sure our path isn't spored," he ordered when they ran into him.  "And find out who oiled them down with it so we can beat someone."

"Sure," he agreed, going to talk to the mistress of the computer.  Miko was known to be able to find any sort of footage.  "Miko, someone put it on the dragons."  Rodney stiffened and stopped yelling.  "Xander's giving them a bath in the large group showers.  He's got a wetsuit on.  We need to check that transporter and their path."

"Good."  He snapped at someone, making them go do it.  "Miko, find who did it."

"I do not know who oiled them down," Atlantis said, appearing.  Miko bowed and she smiled, bowing back.  "They were out of any camera ranges."

"Where were they?" Miko asked, getting into that system.

"B-198."

She got into that camera.  "Nine people walked that way, the dragons were waddling on their walks," she told her.  She looked at him.  "Test them for it.  Even with mask and gloves I'm sure they got some on them."  Rodney send the Marines helping him to do that once she had made a list of names.  Apparently Xander cleared one because he had been with him.  She found a subroutine and got into that one, narrowing it down further.  She sent that update to the commanders.  Rodney came over to watch, then huffed off.  "Thank you, Atlantis."

"You are most welcome.  Nila is pouting a bit."

"We'll go out after the storm is over with," she assured her.  She beamed and went to tell Nila that.  Miko went into Rodney's office to throw a fit.  Xander was a nice man, he was not a present to be given for extraordinary work and she doubted any of them had done anything warranting him anyway!

Radek leaned in.  "That's my job."

"How dare they think he's a concubine to be won by good work!" she spat.  "He is a good man."

"He is."  He smiled.  "Thank you, Miko."

"You're welcome, Radek.  I like you with him, even if he did decide to decorate Rodney's throat."  She went back to her seat and he laughed all the way back to his workstation.  "It's still there."

"It'll probably be a week.  He does it to me now and then too.  He also wiggles a lot."  She smiled at that, shaking her head.  "He is not the only one though."

"I noticed," she said with a grin.  He gave her a dirty look.  "I kept it from general view but McKay deleted it on me."

"Good!  Is private."

"Is cute," she countered.

"Yes I am," he assured her with a smirk.  She threw something at him but was smiling.   "How many are conveniently nearby to stare at Xander in his swimming costume?"

She logged into that system.  "A quarter of the men and most of the women."

"Hmm."  He called Evan, who went to break that up.  They all pouted at him and a few called him overly possessive but he didn't care.  He came over to watch that feed.  "Why is that tighter than spandex," he muttered.

"It looks good on him.  It's clear he works out."

"It's clear he's naked underneath," he countered.

"That's why they're drooling."

"Eww.  Drool is nasty."  He went to help.  He had some of the good lab soap that could help.  It might dry them out but they could condition the scales and fur later.  "Xander."  Xander smiled at him.  "Lab soap?"  Xander took it with a blown kiss and got back to the scrubbing.  "I do not have waterproof things to help you do that."

"We have wetsuits," Jon said as he walked past with Cam.  "Xander, did that thing shrink?"

"No," he said impatiently.

Cam came back to look.  "Guys, get me a wet suit please," he called.  One was brought to him so he changed in the nearby changing area and came out to help scrub the dragons.

"You'll get it on you," Xander warned.  "Wear gloves."

"It's diluted, Xander.  Calm down.  Vent later."  He took Mira, who purred at her shampooer.  He smiled.  "Hedonist."

"Both of them are," Xander agreed.  "I'd hate to take them to a spa."

"A pet spa?"

"No, a real one.  They'd never get less than the best."  He finished a side on Armand, looking at him.  "Move to the end and get big."  He huffed but did it for his daddy.  "Thank you.  We need to get all that nasty stuff off you."

Cam smiled at Mira.  "Can you do that?"  She meeped quietly and expanded.  He had to wince and get her off his foot but okay.  "Good job!"   He got her scrubbed down and it was better.  Much easier even if it did take all the soap and shampoo.  Rodney tossed in something, making him look at the bottle.  "You want me to use conditioner too?" he asked dryly.

"She needs it."

"Get a wetsuit and get in here then."  Rodney huffed but went to put one on and come help since Mira was his.  "They get it?"

"Yes.  Thankfully before he spread it anywhere else."

John walked in holding his comm.  "General, he's not exactly dressed for it.  Giving Armand a bath since he got that spore lotion put on him.  I know what immediately means, yes, sir.  Xander, General O'Neill wants to see you ASAP."

"In this?"

"Yes.  Cam, can you take Armand?"

"Sure.  McKay can condition his own dragon."  He walked over to help scrub Armand.  It was easier with flat scales than hair.  Not as soft though and the scales might cut you.

Xander handed off his brush and rinsed off before blipping down there.  "Sir, you wanted to see me?"

The president blinked.  "Swimming?" he guessed.

"Someone put spore lotion on the dragons.  I was giving them a bath," he said.  "Sir."

"Harris, some disturbing things have come to me about people wanting you."

"I was just told today about the person who got carted off by Ellis for wanting to spore me into some sort of reward for themselves.  Of course I would have killed them."

"There was?" Jack asked.

"So I was told.  Today was apparently another episode of that.  That's why they soaked Armand and Mira."

"Not what we're talking about."

"What am I, the wanted ass of the universe?" he asked grimly.  He looked at Jack.  "I'm not taking on any sexpionage missions.  I don't care.  I've had enough of being used by my ex's."

"I agree and I chewed Hank a new one for sending you after Mitchell, kid.  Calm down.  Don't sit, you're damp."  Xander huffed, taking the folder to look over.  He saw the rage building and moved closer.  "We're handling it."

"Can't I kill them?"

"No.  Not until after we move those other labs."  Xander looked at him.  "Nila was right, we need to make her a good dock and move those there.  Especially the ones in unfriendly countries.  We're working on that."

Xander nodded.  "Okay.  Can we go back and move them then store them somewhere we can conveniently get to today?"

"No."

"Damn."

"We can move them easily enough.  We have a few ATA carriers to help us.  We need a good design for her city."

"I've been working on that."  He concentrated and his laptop came to him, his original one.  He got into that file and let him see.  Another two things popped into existence.  "Ah, I was trailing my headset and my other USB keychain."  He put that on the hinge and the headphones were plugged in.  "How does that look?  It mimics some of Atlantis but is more her own.  More graceful, more arching."

Jack looked it over.  "It's pretty.  What are those overhead arches?"

"Bridges to the upper spires and labs."  He let him see the fuller plans for it since he had liked it.  "This way we can do a sorted lab and put safety systems between them since a few of the machines are degraded so far they can only explode.  Possibly killing people.  This way they'd be safe and no one lab would be smooshed for space.  Each lab down here would have their own full floor to explore it on.  We could almost slit them into place since Nila said they were meant to be moved around."  He looked at him.  "Apparently these are the sort that were one whole and then got spread out."

"Good to know."  He considered it.  "So they'd be docking bays basically."

"Yes.  Plus safety gear in place in case of explosion or fire.  Rodney wrote a program to let Nila fly them out if the whole lab is going to be a danger to the others."

"May I?" the president asked.  Xander let him see it.  "Pretty.  It matches Atlantis?"

"Partially but it matches Nila better.  Her style of spire and tower."

"That's good then.  And she'll slit into this part here?" he guessed.

"Yes.  That way she connects to all the bridges.   They'll extend the last few feet or retract so they won't break.  They're built up to earthquake standards.  I know you'll need to talk to someone who has more experience in building on the water like they have in Dubai."

"That's not a bad idea.  Or even in Japan," Jack agreed.  "Built it to hurricane and typhoon standards too."  He patted the kid on the back.  "Excellent ideas, Xander."  He smiled at the boy, who beamed back.  "Now, back to the files?  We can't expose them until that's built."

"That'll take six months to nine months to build and then move the labs," he said.  "Or move the labs sooner and then build it around them.  There's a few larger islands that don't have people that you can borrow for a few months I'm sure."

"For military training, probably," the president said, handing it back.  "Jack, print those out.  The few people I trust with this project will want to see it."  He did that through the assistant.  "Harris, we want to handle them for you.  Right now, it's not the right time but it's coming closer.  We need to slowly peel them away."

"Sir, we have the possibility of wraith hitting here within two years.  That's why we're moving Atlantis and Nila here."

"I know.  Which is why I want to do this once the labs are safely removed from places we don't trust.  Frankly I'm not sure what the one in Africa is going to do but it's not safe there.  There's a lot of warfare up continent.  They could want to break it down."

"Nila said that's a botanical one."

"Hmm.  O'Neill, can we move them sooner?" he asked.

"I need at least one strong ATA carrier who has flight experience.  Xander doesn't."

"Jon does," Xander reminded him.  "And he's bored.  Tilla broke her ankle so we're off missions for the next three weeks unless we take in someone who's from another team or train a newbie and Jon nearly had hives at that thought."

"Good."  He smiled.  "I can get him and Sheppard.  Can we get it from the chair?"

"According to Nila no, but you can sneak in and activate it once you have a power source."

"So sneak in, lock it down, activate it, fly it off to somewhere safer for now."  Xander nodded.  "They'll fly like a brick, won't they?"

"Yeah and they might not all have cloaking."

"We can handle that from the ships."  He patted him again.  "I knew you were more than just a soldier."  Xander beamed at that compliment, hugging him.  "Let me keep this for now.  You go back to scrubbing them before they infect anyone else."  Xander left in a flash of light.  "His bracelet is getting tired I think."

"How does he do that?" one of the guards asked.

"That time, it was his special bracelet, which is a time transference device.  Or as he calls it, a blippy doohickey."

The agent moaned.  "No wonder he said he had spent more time than I had."  Jack smiled and nodded.  "Good job recruiting, sir."

"I appreciate the hell out of the kid."  He looked at the president.  "I don't know what to tell you, sir."

"Plan that series of raids.  Go on it personally if you need to.  Take whoever you need.  I'll authorize it.  Start with the lab in Africa and the one in the Middle East."

"Yes sir," he said, saluting him and walking off with the computer and a copy of the plans in case the computer decided to shut down.

***

John looked around the mission briefing he, Lorne, and Jon had been called to.  It was all the ATA carriers.  This wasn't looking good.

Jack walked in.  "Good morning," he said, standing at the podium.  "This is a mission briefing.  I know most of you were on critical parts.  Sheppard, I left Loudres in charge temporarily but we have removed Woolsey from his post citing treason.  Since Xander is now listed as an asset to the US and the world, what he was doing is now classified that way.  The IOA does not know that however and he is not getting emails out at the moment.  We are not sure if this is related to the drugging he took."  John nodded at that.  "I have sent up Doctor Jackson as the temporary head of Atlantis.  Because I know he draws trouble but if the shit hits the fan he can handle it."

"Yes he can, sir.  I trust him."

"Good.  Today, we're going to tell you your places in the moving of the outposts and labs that we have down here."  They all stared at him.  He saw a few looks around.  "Yes, everyone in this room is an ATA carrier.  We have seventeen labs and outposts.  Three we know we probably cannot move.  Thankfully one's in Boston, one's in Antarctica, and one's off England."  He smiled.  "And that one has a few very interesting guards thanks to a younger sister.  Tell him thank you for me, Sheppard."

"Dawn babbled that she felt it and it felt like talking to her, sir, but sure."

"We'll talk to her later then."  He clicked the projector control.  Walter had set it up for him.  "These are the outposts and labs we have to move.   From our scans from the ships, we can move them.  Jackson's last trip off-world to Atlantis got us the directions for how to fly them.  It will take a two ATA carriers per lab with power.  We have enough power to move them and then move them to their new dock once it's done.  It was only slightly improved from Harris' plans."

"He can plan buildings, sir?" one of the other Air Force men asked.  "I thought he was some super geek linguist and warrior."

"He used to work construction," Jon told him.  "It's always been something he likes."

"Good to know."

"But a decent question," Jack admitted.  "The new dock for Nila is being started in six weeks.  We are moving those labs this week."  They all nodded.  "All of you have flight experience.  We will put one experienced pilot on each team and then a less experienced one to back them up and watch their asses.   We are generously borrowing a base in Canada to put them on for now.  Canada are our allies and we have let them know about this already.  They're excited to be able to poke around in the labs once they're on their main docks.  Until then they agree that we need safety teams looking them over thanks to all the problems Atlantis has had looking at labs."

"Are there going to be safety protocols for explosions?" John asked.

"Built in to the docks."

"Thank you, sir."

"Welcome.  For now, don't worry about that.  Worry about getting in, getting it active, and flying it out.  We will be sending a trained scientist who has worked on the labs on Atlantis and other outposts.  Sheppard, I know you prefer McKay, he's going with Jon's team because we don't think his is going to be operational enough and he's going to Africa."  John nodded at that.  "You are getting Zelenka."

"That's fine.  Radek's good at the stuff too."

"Good.  I have selected each of you going overseas a strike team to help you get in and then hold it safe while you get it able to lift off.   Jon, you're going to take longer, you've got two teams."

"Thanks."  He shifted.  "How non operational?"

"We'll brief you on what we know about each lab before you go," he said.  He changed the projection to the base.  "You are to land here, people.  We'll give you coordinates.  At this point we do not have a specified landing order.  Just get it there as quietly as you can.  A few are in friendly countries that know about us, through the IOA, but don't know about this specifically.  Some of those know about the outposts but not the plan to move them."  They all nodded.  "They will be upset.  The president said he can tell them to blow him with the recent problems the IOA has been causing."  He changed pictures, looking back then smiling.  "The proposed docking center for Nila."

John smiled.  "He did an excellent job.  That'll match her well, sir."

"I know.  The president agrees.  She'll be in international waters.  She will not have full international access.  We'll be guarding it very closely and will be installing access controls so even if you're working in one lab you can't necessarily get to another without an emergency going on.  Any present questions?"  No one said anything.  He turned off the projector.  "Good.  Let's go meet your geek and then your teams."  They filed out with him and he introduced each one to them.  John knew his strike team and geek so it was fine.  He helped smooth things out with the other geeks since he had worked with most of them.  A few he gave Jack incredulous looks for picking.  Like Kavanagh.

"We were running short, Colonel."

"Him, sir?"

"No other option."

"I can get Miko.  Hell, I can get Xander."

"No.  Too valuable and you need someone up there who can handle it.  Otherwise I wouldn't use him or Seelen."  He shrugged.  "They're going places that are operational and they can't hurt.  One's going to Wales and I'll be going over to talk to Jack and Dawn myself," he said quietly.  "That way they have backup and Kavanagh can't cause them any problems.  The other is going to Norway.  Their teams were already introduced to their problems so they understand."

"If you're sure, sir."

"No other choice this time."

"More power to their teams' weapons then," he muttered.  Jack smiled at that.  "The last three we kicked off?"

"In the brig, waiting on trials."  He smirked as he walked off.  He briefed each team about their lab, their timing, their terrain, and anything they had about the area.   Then he left for Wales.  He got off the plane looking exhausted and found a familiar face waiting.  "Dawn."

"Hi, General Jack.  C'mon.  Our Jack said you can have dinner with us.  He knows you're tired."  She walked him off, taking his arm to walk properly and hold him up of necessary.

"You're not driving."

"Shut up.  You're too tired to drive and Ianto made sure I could drive.  Then he made Gwen take me over the police driving course."  She smirked.  "Get in."  He groaned but slid in and she got into the front.  Someone tapped so she sighed and got out.  "Hi, Rhys.  Were you out of town?"

"Jack sent me for you two.  He said you have to call your sister."

"Bad news?"

"Sunnydale's having issues.  Again."

"Damn it.  Always.  Every spring."  She got into the back and logged into the phone system to make the call while he drove.  She chatted for a bit, hearing the problem.  She got into the database the Watchers had and sent the information to her as well.  Buffy cheered up at that news and hung up happier.  She leaned back, rubbing her forehead.  She logged out of the computer system totally back there and let out a large sigh.

"Bad?" Jack asked.

"Angel's thing is sucking her in.  Another attempt to end the world by making it go dark forever and ever.   I gave her some new information she didn't have.  Graham's people are going to help her.  Riley's out of the country on a mission.  She'll still have backup and Angel's agreed it'll be handy."

He smiled.  "They manage it, Dawn.  You know that."

"Yeah, I do.  But I hate spring.  I have hated spring since I realized it's apocalypse season.  Why can't they have them in winter?"

"Spring brings new energy," he said dryly.

"I know.  Fuckers."  Rhys gave her a dirty look in the mirror.  "Gwen taught it to me."

"I don't care and I'll be making sure she doesn't teach the baby."

"Can I teach the baby how to be fashionable since she's not?"

"Sure, Dawn.  When she's older you can teach her how to be fashionable and find sales."  He pulled into the parking lot and got them all out, heading down to the new hub.  He liked this one a bit.  He stopped her.  "You okay?  You look a bit peaked."

"I'm fine.  It's just a cold."

He rested a wrist against her forehead.  "Take something.  You're warm."

"I'm hot, get it right," she quipped.

He swatted her.  "You're learning the wrong things from Jack."  He led her in.  "Ianto, she needs something for a light fever."  He handed her over.  She muttered but took what he gave her.  "Jack, what can I do to help?"

"They're going to be moving that shiny lights place," he told him.

"I am and the scientist I'm sending is a weapon of last resort," Jack told him.  "We almost spaced him."

"Good!" he agreed.  "I heard."  He smirked.  "UNIT is going to be hands-off on those though they do have guards on that one at my request.  Martha agreed she wanted it safely away from people."

"That's not the weapons lab.  That's the one we can't move in Boston and the other one in the Antarctic.  This one has a small chance of being able to move with the way it was grown into the sea floor."

"Eww.  Chilly service," Dawn sighed.  Ianto pulled her closer to look her over.  "I'm fine."

"You're not fine.  Go lay down."

"Yes, big brother," she sighed, taking her warm tea that way.  She grimaced but drank it anyway.  Ianto could fuss over her, Xander had said so.  She sneezed and groaned.  Jack came down to check on her too.  She felt her magic coming and looked around.  She knew what this was.  "Shit.  It's magical," she announced.  "I'm hiding because it's going to come out."  She disappeared with the last of her tea.  She instinctively went to the old hub.  It was safe to her.  Only the dead were still there.

***

Xander looked up as a telltale went off.  "What the hell?" he muttered.  "That was on Owen."

"Who's Owen?" Faith asked.

"He worked with Jack and Dawn but he got killed in the line of duty."  He scowled.  He called up the telltale on Dawn.  That wasn't good.  He groaned and finished his dinner.  "Armand, watch Faith.  I need to help Dawn.  She's sick."  Armand purred at Faith, who petted him.  He looked around.  "Loudres, I've got to help Dawn.  She's sick."  He waved a hand since his mouth was full.  He went to grab a few herbs and disappeared.  "Oh, Dawn," he sighed.  He handed the herbs to Tosh.  "Make a tea."  He helped her down onto the bed, stroking over her sweaty hair.  "How did that happen?"  She shrugged then coughed.  "Crap.  Owen, her blood?"

"There's some strange chemicals in it."

Xander looked at the printout, grimacing.  "Fucking people."  He summoned Jack O'Neill, who gave him a pointed look.  "Find out if it was the IOA or the Watchers?"  He handed it over.

Jack read it over, groaning.  "That's poisonous."

"Which set off a chain explosion of her magic.  Hence the dead coming back."  He waved a hand.  He sent him back, looking at Owen.  "So."

"So," he agreed, smiling at him.  "Taken?"

"Kinda, but casual.  I don't know," he sighed.

"It's cool, Xander.  We were the same way.  Not for real."

Xander relaxed.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Maybe I'll meet them and you'll find out I'm better."

Xander smiled.  "You'd fit in really well with us."  He took the tea and made her sit up to drink it.  "It'll be okay, Dawn.  This'll take down the poison you have."  She groaned.  "Drink."

"Eww.  Need's Ianto's touch."

"I can call him," Tosh said.  "Did we close?"

"You moved to Torchwood 4 after some issues," Xander said quietly.  "I had it set up for him."  Dawn turned and gagged.  Ianto appeared, looking confused.  "She got poisoned."

"From Clover?"

"No, it was either the bastard Watchers or the asshole IOA.  Take your pick," he said dryly.  "It's an ancient herb that demons can't use."  He made her sip more of it.

Ianto took the tea, grimacing.  "Cure?"

"Yes.  I know it tastes nasty."

"There's ways around that."  Tosh showed him what she had done to distill it.  He made a new one and it was better.  He looked over, then sighed.  "How?" he asked quietly.

"There was a huge flash of light.  No idea."

"It caused an explosive build up in her magic," Xander said.  "With what she can do, I'm glad it's only this breach in the worlds."

Ianto sighed, nodding.  "I'd pray but I'm not that sort of man."  He called Jack.  "I'm here in the old hub with Dawn, who had an explosion of skills."  He looked over.  "Because Tosh is being very helpful and so is Owen.  Xander's here helping as well."  He brought the tea back over.  Xander fed it to her and she didn't gag this time but it helped.  Her fever broke.  Owen helped him sponge her off.  "No, we'll be fine, Jack.  I think it's coming down now.  Clearly poisoned."   He nodded.  "Exactly.  So can you watch Clover?  I know he still freaks out Gwen.  Yes, that's where we are.  He's here too.  He's given her a cure but it's going to be a long night.  I know he told someone."

"O'Neill knows," Xander said.

"She told the other Jack.  Yes, it's going to be fine.  I can do that."  He hung up and sent the results to him.  Then he came over to help.  "Would Clover's poison help or hurt?"

"She's immune to Clover's poison by their bonding.  The same as if Armand gets some, I'll be immune."  He sponged her forehead again.  His phone beeped so he pulled it out to look at it.  "O'Neill said it's the Council."  He called Buffy.  "It's me and it's bad news.  No, the Council apparently tried to poison Dawn.  I'm helping, she'll be fine.  If the coven show up, tell them to call me."   He hung up and called them.  "Dawn is poisoned," he reported.  "Yes, that was her.  We think the Council.  No, she's massively sick.  I've given her the cure but ....  Yeah, it was that crap.  Who?"  He wrote that down.  "Council?  Rogue?"  He nodded.  "Both, cool.  I'll tell Buffy.  You tell them?"  He smirked evilly.  "Oh, they're getting my foot up their ass.  Thanks, Tiris.  Soon."  He hung up, calling her back.  "Mr. Tueet Voranelle.  Watcher and Rogue sorcerer."  He hung up.  "That one's going to pay badly.  She will or I will."  He patted her stomach.  "Hardness is normal."  She groaned.  He smiled at her.  "You're going to be all right."

"I'll kill him."

"Not with magic."

"No with my bare hands," she complained, curling up around her stomach.  He hugged her.  "Kill him really a whole lot?" she begged.

"Of course we will.  I'll even be creative," he assured her, making her whine.  He held her, letting her puke but it was normal.  She finally fell asleep and the magic floating around eased.  Xander looked up, grimacing.  "She was poisoned," he called.  "She's not ascending."  The energy feelings left.  "Fucking nosy people," he said dryly.

"Ascended?" Ianto said.

"Yeah.  I kinda dated one of them before they went up."  He shrugged and soothed her.   "We'll make the idiot so miserable he'll beg," he whispered.  He backed off.  "Owen, she'll keep puking if I'm right.  We need to set up a containment system so no other energy can get near her.  She's too weak to hold shields and mine won't hold her in.  They'll find her and some will want to come back one way or another.  I doubt she's going to want that."

"Possession?" he asked.

"Pregnancy.  Which I will kill," he assured him.  The others smiled.  "I will.  Fuck them and their desires.  They can go ask a normal person."  He smoothed a hand over her head.  "Okay, let's do something that'll get me yelled at by her and Jack."  He helped Owen set up a containment field and then added onto it.  Owen smirked at it.  Then he left to change and talk to someone.  He landed in a field, staring around at the markers.  "I can feel you.  You might as well appear."

The ball of light floated in front of him then spread into a person shape.  "You cannot interfere this time.  She should not be in that form."

"She was put into that form to protect her from Glorificus."

"She is gone."

"So?  Others still want her.  And you can't interfere with a human life since she's now human."  She snorted.  "I'll call justice on you."

"They already know and approve."

Xander sighed and pulled something off his keychain, holding it up.  "I don't.  She's under my protection.  I don't care who disagrees."

"She is not meant to be in human form."

"Really?  Neither are you."  She gasped.  "Leave her alone."

"The Others do not like it."

"The Others can kiss my ass."  He moved closer.  "You have no sway over us.  We are hellmouth children."  She whined.  "You can tell them I said that."  Another form came down.  "Elder."

"Xander," he said, moving closer.  "She is not like you."

"She was created there, made the sister of a slayer to protect her.  She is human now.  When and if she dies, that's up to her about going back to energy.  The Key is not of your control anyway."

"It's not our fault," he said.

Xander snorted.  "Really?  She wanted to take her over or kill her.  Or maybe just make her pregnant to bring someone back."

"Which we will get her for.  You have protected her."  He got a nod at that.  "Please be calmer.  You could destroy much with that."

Xander smirked.  "Which one was it?"

"The watcher is worried that she will bring power to the wrong side and give the other Ascended more power."

Xander snickered.  "No.  We're not aligned with the ascended of any form."  They both gasped.  He looked behind him.  "Asha."  He looked at the Elder again.  "Ain't no way.  Sorry, but no.  We are not going to give anyone in any ascended form any bit of help.   If anything, those of us with the real power are more aligned to the Time Lords."  They all groaned.  "I got saved and trained by the Doctor.  So did Jack, so did McKay."  He smirked.  "So did the current Slayer Called."  Asha whined.  He turned and blasted at him.  "Do not touch my sister."

"She is not yours."

"Actually, with the way the monks made her, it's possible she is.  Though I do know who her father is.  If he hasn't figured it out, someone's going to pop him upside the head soon."  He looked at the Elder again.  "I don't care who used my ass before.  I owe allegiance to my teachers and those who help me and love me.  No others."

"I agree."  He looked at him.  "She is to be protected until she makes her choice to ascend or not," he ordered.  The first ascended gasped.  He looked.  "Traveler."

"Jack," Xander said without looking.  "So?" he asked Asha.

"We were good."

"You used me for what my ass gave you.  If you loved me, you would have treated me better.  There wouldn't have been barbarian comments.  You wouldn't have turned me aside for freeing people and winning the war for you."

He nodded.  "We understand."

"Go.  I just...."

Asha nodded.  "I see now how bad I was to you."  He touched his cheek then left.  The first ascended went with him.

The elder looked at Xander.  "You can take that one out if you wish."

"I'm about to take out the whole council," he said dryly.  "Not just him.  You don't touch my pack."

"Agreed," he said calmly.  He looked at the other one.  "You are good for the child.  Your pack will be safe once you are back.  Soon," he promised quietly.  Xander nodded, slumping some.  "Those who like you are good for you.  Before, they weren't.  Asha was a horrible thing in your life with the others."  He touched him again.  "Some day you will join us?"

"The Powers don't want me to."

"They do not control everywhere."

"I'm still a born hellmouth baby," he said quietly.

"True.  Your pack will be strong for years, even when things happen and you have to rebuild."  He disappeared after bowing to Jack.

Xander turned to look at him.  "So."

"She's my daughter?" he asked.

"You didn't figure that out before now?  She had to be of a strong fighter and someone who could handle all that power exposure daily."

"I didn't even think of that."  He sighed, moving closer.  "How long have you known?"

"Since I met you.  You remind me so much of her only you don't squeal and bounce."

Jack smiled.  "She is like a mini me sometimes."  He shifted, shaking his head.  "Is she like us?"

"She's the physical embodiment of a powerful trans-dimensional key, Jack.  No one can be sure of that until she's hurt."

"She's been hurt."

"Not mildly hurt, Jack.  Majorly hurt.  When she got cut, it was bad.  She has scars."

"So do we."

"Her energy does read like yours.  Atlantis said so."

Jack considered that.  "So....  Probably?"

"Possibly.  More than likely.  Only the Doctor would know for sure unless you stole one of my screwdrivers I have hidden for a time when he needs one?"

"I can't fully read one yet.  Next time I see him I'll ask."  He shrugged.  "Who?"

"Watcher."

"Grand.  Let's go."

Xander smirked.  "You sure?  I'm going to be creatively pissed."

"I hate it when you do that.  I always need a shower."  He shrugged and they left together.  They were not the ones to fuck with and the people who got in their way learned that.  Fast.  The one they were looking for begged prettily as soon as they blew in his office door.  He was a hiding ascended too so Xander got to use his nifty little disruptor weapon on it.  It screamed as it unformed and went to pure energy then dissipated.

Jack looked around.  "I do believe I need some of those," he said, taking Buffy, Faith, and Dawn's files.  He found one on Joyce and a few others, taking them too.  He handed Xander his and they walked out together.

"Who are you to come in here," someone started.  "We are the Watchers Council."

Xander lowered the folder he was reading.  "I know that.  The idiot we're here to see poisoned the sister of  a slayer, who happens to be a pretty powerful witch.  Thankfully her magical explosion only brought back some people from the dead."  He walked around him.  "Pity if the next one touches the Summers or Faith.  Because then I'll get pissed.  This time, I was only mildly peeved and creative.  Next time, I can make the world end."

"He'd hate that," Jack joked.

"I'd restart it for everyone else.  What do you think, a nice temporal fold?"

"That's very evil," Jack said dryly.  They walked out together and it was good.  Xander got the file on Faith too.  They blipped back to check on his people.  He walked in. "Tell me Suzie didn't come back," he said as he walked in.

"No, she's still dead," Tosh said.  "Jack."  She smiled.

"Of course."  He smirked at her.  Then at Owen.  "How is she?"

"Still sweating but I'm fairly certain she'll be fine."  Xander strolled in.  "Are they gone?"

"Yeah.  The ascended wanted her and I'm going to destroy a whole lot of them before I let them have her."  He leaned down to kiss her on the forehead, muttering the calming spell.  She flinched but fell asleep.  "Good girl."  He smiled, backing out of it.  "Jack, no magic for her for weeks."  One of the coven's witches appeared a bit away.  "Good evening, Clorisma."

"Xander.  How is she?"  He pointed.  She moved closer, checking over her.  "Sensitive to magic.  That's normal.  Her pet?"

"Being snake sat," Ianto said.  "Is there anything else we can do?"

"No, I think the cure got to her in time.  She'll be fine."  She smiled at them.  "So you're who they used," she said quietly.  "At least you're cute enough."  She pinched Jack on the cheek, getting an odd look.  She smirked.  "Relax.  We cannot blame being poisoned on her unless she did it to herself."

"No.  She didn't.  Did she bring back more than these two?"

"She could only bring back those who were haunting."  She looked over them.  "They'll be fine."  She smiled at Xander.  "Armand?"

"Very good now that we took the spores off him that someone used to try to get me to be their concubine."

"Release that temper.  You know it is your weakness."

"Sometimes it's the thing that's kept me going."

"True."  She patted him on the cheek.  "Dawn will be fine."

"We had a question," Jack asked.  "Is she more like me or her mother?"

She looked at him.  "She is quite a lot like you but I do not know.  That is beyond what I could tell.  I can only tell those who have broken out in their gifts."

"It's not always."

"No, but usually it is."  She smiled.  "Even during the darkness, there is a dawn."  She left.

Owen sponged her forehead and looked up.  "So, the hint?" he asked.  "We're pretty sure that she's yours, right, Jack?"

"Yes, apparently she is but I wasn't realizing it."

Xander snorted.  "It happens.  Once her fever fully breaks, she can go home," she told Ianto.  "Or go nap on the couch so you guys can hover."  He nodded, smiling at that.  "Let me get back there.  Tell me if she needs me, Jack.  She is my pack."

"Agreed."  He shook his hand.  "You bring such craziness into my life."

Xander smirked.  "You're welcome."  He disappeared.  He walked into his office, finding Faith where he usually did, watching the moons rise.  He tapped her with the folder.  "Yours from the Council.  One of them was a hiding ascended who tried to kill her."  He sat down.

She opened it, grimacing.  "They had plans of knocking me up in prison.  They think I'm still there."

"If you are, this is a pretty cool one," Xander said quietly.

"Yeah, it is."  She smiled at him.  "So, what're you doing without any of your boytoys?"

"The same thing I always do, try not to take over the world."  She cackled, hitting him with it.  He smirked.  "I could."

"Yeah, you could, X.  They're stupid to try you.  How is D?"

"She's going to be fine.  I got her the cure to the poison.   I got the ascended who wanted to fuck with her or maybe just fuck her to knock her up so someone could come back.  And well, then I went to be creative."

"Ooooh.  Pretty?"

He smirked.  "Only a few times."  She beamed.  "The new head demanded to know what we were doing.  I told him if he didn't quit fucking with the Summers and you I was going to lock them in a time loop."

"Whoa, that's going to be bad."

"Yeah," he agreed dryly.  "But easier."  He looked at the pets.  "C'mon, kids.  Let's go lounge in bed."  They followed him upstairs to nap with him.  He was good to them.

Faith went over her file again.  That really sucked.

***

Jack appeared on Buffy's doorstep, late for him, early for her.  "Mrs. Summers, Jack Harkness," he said with a smile.  He shook her hand.  "Dawn is just fine."

"Why wouldn't she be?" she asked.

Buffy came down the stairs.  "Dawnie?"

"Xander got the antidote down her easily enough.  The magical explosion wasn't too bad; we got back a few lost teammates."  She relaxed, sitting down across from him.  "During it, we found out that the Watchers who did it were higher beings who wanted to make her turn back to energy or do so after she gave one a new body."

"Eww."

"Very."  He handed over the files.  "We found those on his desk actually."

She looked through hers, then handed her mother's to her.  "Just us?"

"Yours, hers, Faith's, Xander's.  Xander took Faith's to her."

Buffy looked up.  "Can't we wipe them out?"

"No, that might be horrible for the later girls."

"Good point."  She closed hers before she got pissed.  "Who else had this idea?"

"I do not know."  He smiled at her.  "But I'm sure someone will be finding out."

"Yeah, I can ask someone to look.  Maybe that nice general."

"He's a bit busy right now moving some things that are in delicate places."

"Then I'll ask Graham to look."  She cleared her throat.  "Mom?"

"This isn't a huge surprise," she said, closing hers.  "How did they know?"

"I have no earthly idea since I didn't figure it out until earlier when Xander himself told me."

Buffy snickered.  "I've had bad revelations myself from him."

"No, this isn't bad," he assured her.  "Though a bit strange."

"The monks used him," Joyce said.  "Dawn is my daughter with him," she said, staring at him.

He nodded.  "I had no idea why.  I've never squealed in my life."  Joyce cackled at that.  "Though it is nice that she's being allowed to mature naturally now.  Ianto is certainly concerned about her flirting skills.  I had to improve them because she was dreadful."

Buffy closed her mouth.  "Why you?  We expected it was someone involved in fighting demons.  Possibly Xander because he has that sort of problem."

He cleared his throat.  "Buffy, I'm not exactly normal," he said gently.  "What I am means that I can withstand any power destruction from her energy."

"Demonic?" she guessed.

"Traveled like Xander did.  Exposed like he was."

"Oh, so immortal?"  He nodded once.  "So... they used you because of that?"

"Yes.  Because that would mean that they Key couldn't overpower her human body.  We're still not sure if she'll end up like me or like you and your mother.  She might have only gotten that small benefit and I only know of one person who could tell.  He's not here right now."

"The phone box guy?"

"Yes."

"Okay.  Well, if I see him, I'll tell him to come see you about that."

"Thank you."  He smiled.  "She used to shyly smile at men and ask if they liked them younger."

"She told me where Xander is working is full of hotties who spar shirtless who she wanted to lick the sweat off of."

"Yes he is," Jack said dryly.  "Anyway.  She's fine.  She's a bit pukey at the moment.  I left Ianto cleaning up.  He's going to spank me later."

"I'm sure you'll enjoy every minute of it," Joyce said with a smirk of her own.

"Probably," Jack agreed.  "I would like to let her come home sometime.  She has been homesick."

"She can pop home whenever she wants," Buffy assured him.  "After this current apocalypse."

"I agree."  He shook their hands.  "I'll let you start your day while I go get spanked."  He left, going back to the new hub.  "Anyone not okay?" he asked as he walked in.

"At least I'm not a zombie," Owen called.  "Though my medical area is for shit."

"Get the machines from the last hub, Owen.  I hadn't found someone I liked yet."  He looked at Tosh.  "Yours?"

"I love the new hub.  It's much cleaner."  He smiled.  "Where's Gwen?"

"At home with Rhys.  I have to tell her.  It's probably bad in her condition to be so shocked."  He looked at Ianto.  "Date night?"

"Later," he promised.  "And you're getting beaten."

"Of course and I'll pay for the dry cleaning too.  Her?"

"Your office couch for the night with Clover."

"Wonderful.  We can keep an ear out for her."  He skipped off.  He had to tell Gwen.  He found her apartment and walked up, knocking on it.  Rhys answered.  "She's going to be shocked and horrified."

"That's fine.  Better than a mood swing."  He let him in.

Jack walked over to stand in front of Gwen.  "Dawn got poisoned."

"Is she all right?" she demanded.

"Yeah.  The guy who did it is gone.  Xander made sure of it."  He stared at her.  "The poisoning made her vent some excess magic.  A lot of excess magic.  A shitload as she'd say."  She blinked at him.  "She hid at the old hub to protect us."

"Did something happen?  Something released?"

"Tosh and Owen."

"They're...."

"Alive and Owen is of course complaining."

She stared, mouth open slightly.  "Really?" she asked quietly.

"Yup."  She got up and he helped because it was pitiful watching her try to stand on her own.  "You can see them tomorrow."

"I can see them tonight!" she said firmly, finding her sneakers and stepping into them.  She hurried out to the SUV.  Jack waved as he followed.  He took her back there.  She walked in and stared then rushed at Tosh to hug her.  "Oh, you are back!"  She pulled Owen in too.  "You're really back."  She sniffled.

Owen looked down at the nudge he just felt.  "It's not mine."

She hit him on the shoulder.  "Of course it's not!"  He smirked.  "I missed you, asshole tendencies and all."  She hugged them again.

"How far?" Tosh asked, running a hand over the bulge.

"Six months," Jack said.  "Right in the middle of mood swings."  She threw something at him.  "See?"  He went to woo Ianto out of the hub for a few hours.  They needed dinner.  "I have had a lot of shocks today so I need some grounding."  Ianto smiled at him.  "Did you figure it out and not tell me?"

"Yes, a few weeks back.  She gave me that same look you do when you're peeved at me," he said quietly.  He grabbed his jacket.  "Dawn, we're going to dinner.  You rest and the others are here tonight."  She moaned and waved a hand.  They walked out together.  "It's good she brought you back, Owen.  I was worried about her delivering here and me having to birth it."  Jack snickered all the way to the curb.

Owen looked at her.  "Not a chance.  I do not deliver babies since I didn't make the babies."

Gwen hit him on the shoulder again.  "Hush before I make sure of it by demanding Jack bring you."

"I'll let you break my hand but I'm not catching it."  He saw the stomach move.  "It's a little footballer isn't it."

"Yes he is," she complained, rubbing her stomach.  "Is Dawn all right?"

"She'll be fine," Tosh assured her with a hug.  She got another belly pat in.  "I'm almost envious."

"You can have your own now," she said with a smile.

"Maybe some day."  She smiled.  "What else is new beyond Dawn's new pet?"  She pointed at it.

"Clover," she said, staring at it.  "I can't go near it.  It's poisonous.  It also hates me."  Clover hissed at her but let Owen pick it up.  "She's in the office I'm sure."

"It'll be fine," he promised.  "You just have to know how to talk to the things."

"It's strange and I do not like it," she said, backing away.  "Owen, it could make me miscarry and die," she complained when he held it out toward her.

"Fine."  He took it in to sleep with Dawn, letting it curl up in her hair.  "So that was the egg thing?"

Gwen nodded.  "Yes.  It eats a lot too.  Loves Myfwny."

"Of course, they can fly together," he said, shutting the door.   He came back down there.  "Rhys happy?"

"He wants us to move to somewhere bigger and to put up the nursery already, all that.  I'm waiting in case something happens.  But Xander did take my place during one thing."

"That's good," Tosh said, making her sit down.  Rhys walked in, grimacing at them.  "Good evening, Rhys."

"Evening, Tosh, Owen."  He looked at his wife.  "Come on.  Back to bed."

"I can catch up."

"You'll have weeks to catch up but you'll snap and eat them if you don't rest."  She pouted.  "That won't work and I made dinner.  What you've been craving."  He helped her up.  "She'll see you lot tomorrow?"

Owen nodded.  "Please get her a doctor so she doesn't want me to deliver it."

"She has one.  He's fairly decent but a bit strange."  He walked her out, taking her home.

Tosh smiled at Owen.  "She's glowing and he's fussing so badly."

"Babies turn people's mind to mush," he reminded her.  "I like mine not dribbling out of my ears."  He went to check on Dawn.  Clover hissed but he tapped it on the head.  He settled down and let him check her over.  Then he locked her back in there again.  He went back down to the medical area to make note of what he needed.  Tosh was cooing over her new computer.  They'd find apartments and things tomorrow.

***

Daniel stepped off the ramp and looked around.  "Good morning," he said, smiling.  "Chuck, I need a meeting called please."

"Scientists, Doctor Jackson?"

"General please."  He nodded, doing that.  Daniel walked up onto the stairs, waiting until everyone got there.  "I know things are strange right now," he said calmly.  They all stared at him.  He smiled again.  "The scientists and ATA carriers are off moving the labs on earth to a safer spot.  They'll be back in about a week."

Miko raised her hand.  "They had enough scientists?"

"Barely if they used ones we wanted to beat to death.   We would have taken you, but we needed someone competent in charge of science in case something happened."  He clapped his hands and grinned again.  "All right, who has heard that Woolsey is confined to quarters?"  Most of the people raised their hands but a few looked clueless.

"Unfortunately he was gathering a file that the president felt was treason.  So he has been removed from his position.  Until a new one is picked, I am taking his place."  A few people clapped.  He grinned at them.  "I'm happy to be back here myself.  I know the scientists and I can work well together.  The same as I know how the military people will work if something happens.  You learn pretty fast working with Jack O'Neill."  That got a few more laughs.  "So, for now I'm yours and Colonel Sheppard will be back in a few weeks."  Xander wandered in with a yawn.  "Sleepy," he teased.

"Nightmares all night."  He looked at him.  "They named you?"  Daniel nodded.  "Good.  I found a section that's in Furling I think.  I can't translate it."

"I'll gladly go over it for you, Xander.  Does anyone else have something I need to look at right now?  If not, I'll be doing administrative duties in the morning and my actual, beloved job in the afternoons."

"A week to move those labs, sir?" one Marine asked.

"Some of them aren't in good working order for moving.  That's why each team went with two pilots and a scientist who had experience."

"And Kavanagh," Xander said grimly.  "He's going to Wales though so Dawn can kick his butt or puke on him."

"I'd like film if she did," Miko told him.  "Are you sick?"

"Doctor Keller's had me in bed for the last few days.  I don't know why."  He shrugged.  "I'm fine.  Just sleepy."  He yawned again.  "Anything changing rule wise?"

"No, not right now.  If you think there's one that's unfair that Woolsey created, bring it to me this week," he said.  "I'll look it over and see if it's reasonable.  I'm one of you, guys and ladies.  So let's get along and it'll be fine."  He smiled.  "Any other questions?"

"Woolsey wanted me to bring down the anti-ascended shield," Xander said.

"No, let's leave it up for now."  Xander nodded.  "Is your office covered?"

"No, the shield hinders the spell that expands it.  It ends in the metal shop."

"Are they creating a problem?"

"One of them had Dawn poisoned.  He's now little motes of energy."

"Have Keller check that," he ordered.

"We found a slight herbal poison in his system but he had just went on a mission," Doctor Keller told him.  "He's healing but it's slow.  Let me scan you again in a minute, Xander."

"Yes, meany."

"Thank you."

Daniel laughed.  "He usually swats Doctor Lam."  He looked at the others.  "Any other questions?"

"The idiot who had the lotion?" Xander asked.

"First he got dangled off a tower and then he got locked in the brig until Ellis gets back, Harris."

"Cool.  Swim?"

"Not like that you're not," Keller told him.

He stared at her.  "Don't threaten me.  I'll spank you."  She huffed and moved toward him.  He teleported and swatted her, making her yelp.  "Told you so.  I'm fine."  He looked at the swim leader.  "When?"

"Tomorrow and you still need medical clearance.  You're a braver man than I am, Harris.  She's got huge needles."

"I'm feeling like the time they put me into a leach pit," he muttered.

"Xander, medical clearance," Daniel ordered.  "Swim team?"

"Endurance swimming, sir," the leader told him.

"Walter told me about that.  That's wonderful."  He dug something out and tossed it to him.  "The updated Special Ops requirements for each service branch."  The guy beamed.  "Anyone going from the program would get some consideration.  Landry can help you with that."  He clapped his hands.  "So, meeting over.  Let me know what's going on.  I'm going to be wandering around for a few hours.  I have a comm earpiece," he said, holding it up.  "We'll hear things from the moving in a few days.  Have a good day at work.  Any missions, Chuck?"

"Two to known trading partners, Doctor Jackson.  One's a known Genii trading partner."

Xander looked up.  "Which team is that?"

"Kissen's, Xander."

"Kissen's back?"

"His second is taking over."

Xander looked over.  "Want me?"  They all nodded, smirking at him.  "When?"

"10," Faith said.

"Okay.  Let me go change and stuff."  He looked at his pajama pants and slippers.  "Give me thirty."  He went to change, get a shower, and come out in better clothes.  The leather pants made him feel better.  His pack had the medical kits and other things.  So it was good.  Doctor Keller stood in his way on his way back to the gate room.  He stared at her.  "I'm fine."

"Shut up, Xander.  I hate that saying."  She scanned him.  "You're healthy enough I suppose.  Any dizziness or puking, come back immediately."

Xander snorted, walking around her.  "If I feel that bad, I'll let Faith bring me back."  He went to the armory.  "I'm going with 14."

"I heard."  He handed him his usual kit.  "Got the axe and things?"

Xander looked in his pack, nodding.  "Yup, and some higher weapons."  He put on his guns, then took last thing and put it over his head.  It was emergency weapons.  He put his pack on again.  "Armand?  Are you staying with Mira or going with me?  We're going through the gate!"  They both came.  "Mira, your daddy would kill me if you even got a bruise."

Daniel walked down.  "Mira, come help me today?  I need to get into things."  She growled.  He stared at her.  "That's why I want you with me, to keep me out of trouble."  He scooped her up.  "Let the Xander uncle go on a trip and come back.  You and I can hang.  I have power bars."  She cooed at him.  He walked off feeding her.

Armand looked at Daniel then back at Xander.  Then back at Daniel then back at him.  "We're going to possibly find the Genii."

Armand climbed up, perching around his neck.  The daddy would get into trouble and have to shoot people if he wasn't there.  They went to meet with the team.  Armand roared and nibbled on Faith's ear.

She looked at him.  "You're adorable but not exactly someone I can do more than cuddle," she teased, petting him.  He cooed and purred at her.

The temporary team leader shook his head.  "C'mon, let's go."  They walked through the gate.

Xander paused when he walked out.  "Go back!  Go back go back go back!" he ordered, pushing Faith back through.  Then the rest.  He stared around then backed away slowly.  Something came rushing up at him so he shot it.  A few more hurried and he dove back through.  "Iris!" he shouted as he came out.  It went up and a few things hit it.  One had made it through with him but it was half dead.  The guards shot it.   He sighed, looking at the team leader.  "That's bad."

"Fuck," he said bluntly.

"Yeah," Xander said.  "Daniel to the gate room," he called.  He held up the thing when Daniel and Mira walked in.

"That's a replicator."

"That's an Assuran.  Some survived."

"Damn it," he said.  "Okay, we'll handle it as good as we can.  The last planet?"

Xander looked at his watch.  "How long do they usually take?  Do we have a weapon to get them if we're on the same planet?  It's been a minute since we came back."

"No idea and no," the team leader said.

"Slightly," Daniel said, "but it's not out of testing.  I don't have it with me either."  He looked up.  "Can we open it just enough to scan it?"

"No," Chuck said.  "We can't open it in a minor wormhole without exposing ourselves."

"Puddle jumper," Xander said.  "Maybe?  Cloaked?"

"Not many pilots," Daniel countered.

"Faith and I have been taking training.  We've both logged more hours in the simulator than most of the pilots, and we do have Amandale.  With my ATA gene, we can improvise."

"Amandale to the gateroom immediately," Daniel called.  He limped in.  "You're on injury leave?"

"Slightly, sir.  I've been being a good lesson to some people in boot camp this week."  Xander held up the dead body and he shot it.  "I hate those things."

"Full planet being overrun," Xander offered.  "You, me.  Jumper?  It's been about five minutes."

"Get me one of the jumpers down, Chuck," he ordered.  He limped to get things.  "Make sure it has a cloak and full weapons."

"Jumper One ready to go," he reported a second later.

"Let's hope I pull some of Sheppard's luck out of it then," he said as they jogged to the bay.

They flew through the gate.  Two more Assurans got through but got shot quickly.  The jumper was easily cloaked and they went to find the attacks.  Amandale let Xander pilot while he did the weapons.  Xander upped their available power when they ran into a ship.  "Life signs," he offered.  "Not many."  He nodded and they shot at the ship.  It peeled off and they drove it off.  He fired something at the mass on the ground.  They scattered.  Xander growled.  He prepared something himself and shot it off.  "Tester of Radek's," he said happily.

"I love you being in goofy love, kid.  It's good for you."  He shot at the ship trying to come back and they moved the ship so they couldn't be tracked by the firing.  Xander even rolled them at one point and got them underneath the ship.  "Not the Death Star, Xander."

Xander concentrated and the ship opened when he pulled a panel out magically.  "You sure?  The force is with me.  Even the Doctor believes that."  Amandale laughed and fired off into their ship.  It crashed.  They set off a pulser bomb, killing the damn replicators of the Ancients.  A few were left when they landed but Xander had bombs.  He knew how to use bombs.  And guns.  He loved bombs and guns.  They checked.  Nothing else registered as a non-human life form.  Xander looked at the people.  "Good morning."

"Xander!" one shouted, coming for him.  "You came."

"You should have called," he told her.  "We would've been here sooner with more ships."

"We knew you would feel it and come."  She hugged him.  He patted down her hair, calming her down.  "We are going to be cleaning for days."

Xander smoothed her hair down again.  "Amandale?"

"Not Sheppard or Lorne?" she asked.

"No.  They're off moving some lab equipment.  I brought Amandale.  He got hurt last week in boot camp.  Someone who can't shoot got him in the foot."

"Oooh."  She went to hug him too.

Xander looked around.  "Any injuries, people?  Let me see what I can do.  Gather all the survivors here.  We'll see what's going on.  He'll call back for help."  He was taken by one of the older women in the village to a tent, staring.  "Please tell me she's alive," he begged.

"Her child is, I do not know how, Xander."

"I know some.  Amandale, we need Keller!" he yelled.  "I've got a post-death C-Section!"  He settled in to do it.  He said a gentle prayer to her god, making the old woman smile.  He felt, feeling the movement.  He cut above the baby this time.  There was no blood.  She was truly dead.  He pulled out the baby.  "Did her water break earlier?" he asked, not spotting much.

"Yes, her water broke when the attack happened."  She looked at him.  "I could not."

Xander nodded, finishing excising the baby.  He got it breathing and cuddled it a bit.  "There we go."  He checked.  "Baby girl."  She smiled.  "She'll hopefully be strong."  He handed her over.  Then he covered up the mother's body. He stood up.  "Let me see any more injuries.  The doctor will be here soon."  She nodded, leading him to the injured they had gathered.  Amandale had gotten a few more ferried back with the help of the girl.  Xander checked, making notes on a few.  Keller walked in.  "Those two, gut shots, this one's a chest shot, I can see muscles but he's still going.  He's slightly awake.  The baby she's holding was born after the mommy went."  He moved.  "I've got a few with stitches and broken bones.  Want me to prep to help you or do them?"

"Do those.  I can prep and I have a nurse coming with more supplies."  She grimaced, evaluating them. "This one first," she ordered.  The nurse came in.  "Him, then her, then him."  They got to work on them.  Xander was stitching and putting on removable casts.  She nodded at that.  At least until one was a compound fracture.  "Xander, that needs put in place."

"I'm holding it in place so I can straighten it, doc.  He doesn't have the strength to hold his arm up."  He felt gently, then hooked it.  He looked at him.  "It will hurt worse than women have when they give birth," he said quietly.  "Screaming alert," he warned.  The man nodded, turning his head.  Xander felt again then yanked and twisted.  The bones ground back into place.  He checked then did it a bit more.  The man started to cry.  He felt.  "That farther one is a bit off," he warned, pushing on the broken area.  "There, that feels right."  He hitched the cast tighter.  Then he wiped off the tears.  "Even I scream and cry when I have one of those fixed."  The man smiled.  "Now, can you help her with the baby?"

"Was the mother alive?"

"No," he said quietly.  "She was halfway through birth."

"It is a bad omen."

"No, it's not.  It's a miracle.  I wasn't supposed to be here today.  Just Faith's team."  He nodded, going to help her with the baby girl.  He went to help the nurses after wiping down his hands with the disinfectant wipes.  "What can I do?" he asked.  She pointed.  He worked the portable suction and helped by holding things for her.  She finished up and closed his wound.  They bandaged it and moved to help the other two surgeries going on.  Keller smiled at them.  They got finished and moved them to a better place.  This hut was about to fall in.

Keller came out wiping off her hands.  "They weren't badly injured but they'll live," she told the older ones.  She nodded at the Genii who had shown up.  She knew it was them by their clothes.  "Gentlemen."

Xander kicked a part.  "Them."

"I'm sorry to hear they were attacked," the leader said.  "Xander."

"Cata."  He shook his hand.  "Is this all that survived?" he asked the elders.  They nodded.  "On the planet?"

"We think so," he agreed.

Xander looked at Amandale.  "The other jumper went up to scan, Xander."

"Okay."  He looked around.  He looked at Keller.  "Most of them are injured."

"Yes, and those three I'd like to see in the infirmary."

"The Athosians?"

"I don't know," she admitted.  She moved to the jumper to call back and ask Teyla that.  She came out shaking her head.  "Their main village is full right now.  They don't think they can support anyone else at the moment."  She looked at the head Genii.  "What about your villages?"

"Our people may be able to absorb them," he agreed.  "How many injured?"

"Three we had to do surgery on.  Most everyone else has scratches or broken bones," Xander admitted.   He petted the baby's head.  "She was born just after the attack was won."

The genii leader nodded at that.  "Her parents?"

"Her father died in the fighting and her mother died while trying to deliver.  Xander got her out.  He's right, she is a blessing and a sign our people will go on."

"We have lands you can inhabit but I need to check before I make a formal offer," he said. She nodded, letting him go do that.  A few more stragglers were brought down by the jumper.  Xander checked them over because they knew him and fussed at the doctors.   They had been hiding so they were mostly fine, just some scratches he bandaged.  Cata came back.  "Our government agrees this would be acceptable.  We have villages that are falling in population so you can join them or make your own.  Those that need medical help can find them at the bigger villages."

"They only need post-surgical care," Keller told him.

"That's wonderful," he said, smiling at her.  "We have heard you are a great doctor.  Better even than Beckett was."

"He was more research oriented and I was a surgeon before I got up here."  She held out a hand and he hesitated but shook it.  "Can you move them or do you need help?"

"We can.  Thank you for your timely intervention.  What are these pieces?  I see Xander did a good job on them like he did on the wraith."  Xander smirked and pulled up the file on them so they could see the basics.  "They can change shape?"

"Yes, but they're all mechanical.  We call the ones that were made near us Replicators.  These call themselves Assurans."

The Genii nodded.  "I will bring this back to our people."

"You have to disrupt the electrical systems," Xander told him simply.  "Like any machine it has a power source and if you kill it, it dies."

He nodded.  "I will report that and take a few back as example."  The Lanteans left and he looked at his people.  "They go to the main village on planet 6.  They'll have plenty of room there if they want to form their own village and the head village has doctors."  They nodded, helping gather them.  He patted the baby on the head when it fussed.  "You can get milk there for her."  She smiled and nodded.  The people gathered a few things that were important to them and left with the soldiers.  He and a few others looked for whole ones to bring back.  Some pieces were good but Xander was very effective in destroying threats.

They found some father out toward the gate.  They got loaded in a locking box.  Just in case they tried to get out.  The people were taken and he went to the main council.  "We have a new threat," he said as he walked in.  The council stared at him.  He opened the box and put one on the table.  "They attacked the planet we were visiting to set up a harvest trade arrangement.  The Lanteans and Xander brought them down when they found them attacking the people.  They are machines."  He let them all look it over carefully.  "Xander said to destroy the power systems, to disrupt the electric."

"How prevalent are they?" one of the older men asked.  "I heard rumors of Assurans being bug monsters who were more machine then being."

"That is them.  Xander let me see their files.  They also go by the name Replicator in their galaxy."

They passed the creatures back.  "Bring us a way to defeat them if they come.  Do it quickly.  How many are left from that planet."

"Under thirty.  Mostly injured.  A few were hiding.  One newborn.  A girl."  He smiled.  "She is going to be fine.  Doctor Keller had to operate on three of them."

"Go make sure they'll be fine.  Get us those plans for them and what we're going to do about them," the head of the council said.  "We accept refugees."  He nodded, going to hand those to their best scientists on the secret base.  "I do not like these things," he told the others.

"Hopefully the Lanteans will destroy most of them for us.  After all, Xander would not like them attacking his people."

The head nodded.  "We will ask them about things we can do as well.  Xander has always treated us fairly.  Who is in charge?"

"Richard Woolsey.  Unless that has changed.  They do change civil heads often.  Military heads never seem to change.  Sheppard will deal with us."

"Good.  We will send a message later today.  Give Xander time to check in and calm down.  He is not good when he has battle nerves.  His pet must calm him down first."  They smiled and nodded, going to write out their request.

***

Xander walked into the office.  "The five minutes we had scrambling and arguing meant that there's not much more that could have been saved.  They were already on the ground.  They'll live and were taken in by some of the Genii."

"Any that we'll need to talk about?" Daniel asked.

"Not really.  Keller had three.  I fixed a few broken things.  Cut out a baby."  He shuddered.  Then grimaced.  "There's about fifty left overall."

"Good job of saving them," he said quietly.  "Are you okay?"

"One of them knew I was going to show up.  She was certain that I was going to show up."

"Isn't that why you went on the mission?" he asked.

"No, it was more to back Faith up since the Genii seem to want to marry her or beg for her."

"Good of you."  He smiled.  "Go cool down by doing katas or whatever."

"Shower first," Xander said.  He walked off.  He ran into Faith.  "We managed to save about fifty of them."

"Good work, X."  She patted him on the shoulder.  "Go shower, then calm down.  I can contain Armand for a bit."  He nodded, going to do that.  Keller tried to waylay him but he got warned by one of the Marines so he teleported to his room to shower.  He came down in sweats and sneakers, pulling on a t-shirt.  Keller got him coming off the transporter.  "What?" he asked.

"Post-mission check."

"I was there for all of thirty seconds?"

"Then you got out of the jumper," she pointed out.  She pointed.  He huffed.  "Don't task me, Xander.  I'm calming down too."  He trudged that way and she got him onto a table to look over.

"She needs to do your medical clearance for tomorrow's swim," Amandale offered from his seat.

"True.  Doc?"

"No way in hell, not with that poisoning."

"I'm fine."  She popped him on the shoulder, glaring at him.  "I've seen tougher vampires, doc."  He stared back.  "I can fake it."  He smirked.

"I'll kill you when you get back."

"I doubt that."  He pulled her closer to hug her.  She struggled but eventually sighed and let herself relax.  He let go.  "Thank you."  She swatted him again and ran all the checks she could.  Including pulling more blood.  She had to admit he was in good shape.  "Go run today and then I'll see."  He nodded, going to the gym to use the treadmill.

One of the other guys watched him.  "Try to run lighter, kid.  You kinda stomp.  Run lighter."

Xander looked at him.  "How do I do that?"  He showed him and Xander watched then mimicked his stride.

"Run less on your full foot, kid.  You've got to be killing your ankles."  Xander nodded, trying that.  He found a comfortable stride and went back to it, grinning at the other guy.  "Good job."  He got done and let himself get off.  "When's this sparring I heard about?"

"Ronon teaches today.  Teyla too.  I teach after them.  They start usually around 3."

"You teach self defense?"

Xander smiled.  "I'm the advanced 'get past me and call yourself the king' guy."  The other guy laughed.  "Usually I spar with Ronon and others after that."

"Good to know.  I'll see them first I guess."

"If you're any good, ask to be tested.  Ronon's tough though."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He left, smiling.  That kid was a good fighter?  When he couldn't run?  Later on that day he showed up for his first sparring practice.  He watched a few people, looking awed.  That woman was excellent.  Ronon was almost scary.  Then the kid came in.  He watched.  It was his turn and he walked up to Teyla.  "I've had some hand-to-hand training, ma'am."

"We will see how good you are and send you to an appropriate teacher," she promised, earning a smile.  "We also use bantos rods.  I can train you in that."

"I'd like that.  Any weapon is a good thing to learn."  He took off a defensive stance and she attacked.  He blocked a few and had to duck one and barely managed to score on her arm.

"Hold it," Xander called.  He walked down.  "Chief, your back foot is unsteady," he said, walking toward him.  "Take up your first position again."  He did and Xander kicked at his foot until he moved it in.  "You're throwing yourself off balance and making yourself lunge too far and overbalancing."  He moved out of the way.  "Go."  They did that and he nodded it was better.  Xander looked at the other guy then at Ronon.  He picked up a bantos stick and smacked each and every form flaw he saw, making him yelp.  "Do it better.  If you're taking on Ronon, you've got to be better than that.  He still kicks my ass sometimes."  Ronon laughed, smacking the boy on the head when he moved.  Xander blew a kiss.  "Keep it up, watch me help them steal more braids."

"I like my hair where it is."  The dragons came running in and he stopped his opponent/victim before he stepped on them.  "What do you two want?  We're sparring."  They tried to hide inside his vest, crying.

Xander took Armand carefully, getting snuggled.  "What happened?  Did someone hurt you guys?"  He calmed him down, looking around.  "Nila?"  She appeared.  "What scared them?"

"The person with the knife who threatened to cut them up."

"Were they doing something?" Ronon asked, petting Mira.

"No.  They were lounging on the pier.  He walked up to them and said they'd make good specimens."

"Who?" Xander asked.  She gave him an image.  He nodded.  "Go tell him to report to boot camp.  Today."

"Yes, Xander."  She disappeared to order that.

Xander took Mira to pet as well.  "I'm going to kick his ass for scaring you two.  You two are safe and protected.  Rodney will make him sorry when he gets back."  He petted them on the way out to where boot camp was held.  "He here yet?"

"Who?"

"The bastard new carver."

The guy stared at him.  "Not yet."  He watched him come out.  "Him?"  Xander nodded.  "I can hold them or give PT."

Xander smirked.  "Can you guys go glomp on Miko?"  They ran inside and the idiot watched, looking covetous.  "Yo, you," he said, pointing.  "Have you not gone through boot camp?"

"I'm a scientist."

"Atlantis personnel all have to go through boot camp," the Marine in charge said.  "Orders of Sheppard and our first head.  It has not been overturned.  So get in line."

"I'm...."

Xander put him down, keeping hold of his wrist, one foot in his kidney.  "Really?  You do know that your life is in danger out here every day?  All scientists have to be able to protect themselves."

"I can shoot," he growled.

Xander let him up.  "I doubt that."  The man lunged at him.  Xander kindly made him choke when he got him by the throat and then kicked his feet out from under him.  "That had to hurt."  He stared at him.  "Still think you can handle it?  Wraith can kill you with a touch.  Assurans are replicators.  Do you really think you can handle that?  Or if the Genii decide to attack again?"  The guy got up and attacked Xander.  Who kindly kicked his ass then tossed him into the water.  He stared at him.  "Are you done thinking you're the hot shit on this base?  Because you're not.  The head of science may be on earth right now, but the third-in-command's name is Miko.  She's the deceptively delicate looking physicist.  She can kick your ass too.  Now, get your ass back up here and listen up.  You have a shitload of things to learn in this galaxy."

"Those mutant creatures caused this," he sneered as he climbed up.

"Yes, you going after my pet and the pet of the head of the science department did piss me off.  That's why I'm so hard on you.  Because I'm sure you're stupid."  He hauled him up the last few feet, staring at him.  "Do not touch the pets.  It will be your life that I take.  The rest, sit down, shut up, and listen to the Marines.  Before something out here kills your stupid ass."  He walked off.  "All yours.  Do I need to get any others?"

"Not that I'm aware of.  I'll make sure later," he said calmly.  "Thank you, Harris."

He nodded and went back to the sparring.  He walked in.  He spotted Miko.  "I usurped.  You can spank me later.  He's out in boot camp after I showed him the error of his stupidity for daring to touch the pets."

"He did what?" she demanded.

"Scared them so much by coming at them with a knife they came in and hid," he told her.  "I kicked his ass, called him stupid, and gave him to the Boot Camp leader.  You can spank me if you want, Miko."

"Radek would be more mean to me," she said quietly.  "I do not mind.  They might not listen to me because I'm female.  They will listen to you."

"Miko, sometimes you gotta wear the boots Dawn helped you buy and kick some ass.  Then they'd leave you alone and quit being so dumb when Rodney wasn't here to scream at 'em."

She smiled.  "I may do that tomorrow then."  He grinned.  She pointed.  "Daniel walked in."

He looked over.  "Am I being spanked?"

"No, I viewed the footage.  He's in the wrong and I told him that too.  Including that they were protected beings.  He huffed.  I also assured him that every scientist had to go through Atlantis boot camp."

Xander bowed with a smile.  "Thank you."  He went to join back in with the sparring.  "Mira, Armand, to Miko.  This is sparring."  They ran over to get cuddles and pets.  He looked around.  "All done?" he asked with a pout.

"Until you are ready to deal with us," Ronon said with a smirk.  Xander took off his shirt and sweat pants, showing his bike shorts.  He kicked off his sneakers too.  "Are you doing that on purpose?"

"I was going to swim around the city later."  He stretched then took his sticks.  He changed with Ronon.  Then he went to get the heavier ones.  "I need the heavy ass ones, Teyla.  It helps build up my endurance and arm muscles."

"Of course.  It does make you a bit clumsy."

"But that gets less as I get used to them."  He swung them and winced, putting those back.  He got a slightly lighter set, John's usual.  That was better.  He came back, wincing as he moved.  They stared.  "Nothing."  They nodded and Daniel shouted 'go' for them.  They started off slowly, him and Teyla against Ronon for now.  Then Xander ducked to the side and ended up on his knees, holding his side.  "Okay," he said, getting back up.

"You're hurt," Teyla said, looking at him.

"It's a cramp.  It's nothing.  Easily worked out."  He took a deep breath and started off again.  Ronon was trying to avoid the area so he got him on his last bruise.  "Like you were taught, Ronon.  It makes you tougher."  He nodded and they went for real.

The new guys all gasped and stared.

"He's not as good as usual," Miko told Daniel.  "That side is still bothering him."  Daniel nodded and quietly called the doctor.  He winced at one hit to the area Xander took then he growled and fought back stronger once Teyla was down.  He and Ronon were sweaty, bruised messes.  They kept going, and Ronon won by getting him on the side again.  "Enough," she called.  "Doctor?"

Keller walked out there, looking Ronon over.  "No blood.  Thank you, Ronon.  Go get something for the bruises."  She checked Xander over, seeing the big bruise.  "What happened?"  She touched it and he hissed, moving away.  "That's not a cramp."  She pulled out a scanner and sighed.  "Xander, appendix?"

"Burst when I was seven."

"Then it regrew sometime."  She led him off.  "Daniel, watch the pets or you, Miko.  Protect them."  She checked his forehead.  "You've got a fever again, Xander."  She made him sit on a bed and looked him over again.  "Your appendix is swollen and ready to burst. Why didn't the usual check catch this?"

"Is that like I killed an organ?" Ronon asked.

"The appendix is an unnecessary organ that's off the intestines," she said with a smile.  "In humans it breaks a lot.  We remove about a third of all people's appendixes' in their lives."

"Mine was removed when I was seven so I don't know why it's acting up now," Xander quipped, holding it with a grimace.  "Doc?  Any idea?"

"Sometimes some of the healing technology can regrow missing things," she offered.  "I've seen it start to regrow a toe on someone that had part of it missing."  She looked at him.  "Make sure the pets are all right if they're not with Daniel or Miko."

"Of course.  They still like my hair."  She smiled and knocked Xander out from behind.  "He's going to spank."  He slid off the bed and walked off.  "Miko, are you going to dine with them?"

"You can dine with me," she said graciously, petting Mira.  Armand was in Daniel's lap.  "What happened?"

"It regrew his appendix."

"Ah."  They got up and went to have dinner.

The dragons stayed with them and went to bed with Ronon that night.  He felt them leave and followed them to the infirmary, where they curled up with the daddy/uncle figure.  He sat down with a grunt.  The nurse smiled.  "Some idiot wanted to experiment," he said quietly.

"He'd come off that bed and kill if someone touched either one," she agreed.  "I can watch them, Ronon."

"I will.  We don't have a mission tomorrow."  She nodded, leaving it with him.  She got Xander an extra blanket to cover those two snuggly ones.  It made them happier.  It was better.  She saw the person walking in and walked over.  "Sore from sparring earlier?" she asked, noticing the bruises.

"No, I was here looking for the pets.  I was told to come retrieve them for the head of science."

"He's still on earth," she said.

"I got sent orders, ma'am."

"It's Nurse, and I doubt that.  McKay is presently fixing an outpost."  She stared at him.  "I think you should take this up with Doctor Jackson."

"I don't think it's necessary."  He shot something at her then at Ronon before he could move.  "Aliens," he sneered.  He moved to the bed, shooting the man on it with the same sort of dart.  Xander came up off that bed and kicked him around, snarling the whole time.

***

Security got an alarm.  He rolled to the view screen.  "Emergency in the infirmary, weapon discharge," he called, starting everyone running that way.  "Oh, shit, he darted Ronon and Harris, but Harris is primal!"  He got up to run and get Jackson.  Maybe he could help?  He hoped.  He got Faith up too.  They were tight.  "Harris got shot with a sedative dart and went primal," he panted.  "The idiot shot the nurse and Ronon."

"Damn it!" she shouted, running that way.  "Get Mitchell up!"  He went to do that.  She ran in and found Xander had another Marine up against the wall by the throat.  "X!" she shouted.  "Let him go!"  He did and attacked her.  She fought hard, but he was now better than she expected.  She decided to fight dirty.  She got him on the side that was hurt.  That only got a snarl from him. "Okay, didn't work.  Mitchell," she said, spotting him.  "Help!"

He came in and pinned Xander.  "Xander, it's your pack," he whispered in his ear.  "Calm down.  I'm here.  I'm pack and I'll protect you."  He petted him but got growled at.  He heard the light chuffing noise and leaned closer, letting him smell him.  "C'mon," he whispered.  "Its all right."  He petted him.  "What did they do?" he asked firmly but quietly.

"The fucking moron decided to dart the nurse, darted Ronon, and then darted him," one of the guards said, helping his fellow security detail marine.

"I saw it on the cameras as I was calling the alert, Colonel," that guy said.  "He got darted and then came off that bed like he was going to rip the guy's throat out."

"Xander doesn't react like normal people because of his DNA contamination."  He turned back.  "Shh, Xander.  Come on.  You know me.  I'm pack."

"He's dangerous," one of the Marines said, rubbing his throat.  "He could've killed someone."

Faith looked at him.  "He's fought in more wars than you've had years," she told him bluntly.  "He's special ops trained.  The only reason you're still alive is because he controlled himself."  He went pale.  "Xander's been a killing machine since he was sixteen.  That's why he's a *language geek* now.  If he hadn't controlled himself, none of you would've been alive or me either.  Feel lucky that even drugged he has some control."

"He worked hard on that," Mitchell said, walking Xander over to the bed.  He found the cowering dragons and sat Xander down, letting them crawl all over them.  He cooed and purred at them.  Cam got him laying down and covered back up, petting him some more.  "There you go.  They're safe.  I promise you're safe.  No one else is going to attack you," he said quietly.  Xander crooned at him too.  He smiled.  "It's cool, Xander.  I'm here.  You're safe.  I'll watch.  Someone get Ronon into a bed."  They moved him for him.  He sat down.  Xander snuffled so he ended up beside him with Xander petting him too.  "I am a dragon, yes," he said dryly.  He petted him back.  "Daniel, clear them."

"Doctor."  She pushed past and came to check Xander over.  "Faith?"

"I got woke up when you did."

"I know.  C'mon."  He led everyone else out.  "From the top.  Who started it?"  They all pointed at the scientist that Xander had been beating when they got there.  "Okay, why?"

"The tapes said he had orders," the video one said.

"Find it," he told him.  He left.  He looked at the others.  "You guys know better than to jump Xander.  Even if he's in the middle of hurting someone."

"He was snarling!" one said.

"Yeah, because he was possessed once by a hyena."  He shrugged.  "Those who have sparred with the group or watched him spar know that."

The rest nodded.  "Sir, I jumped in to get him off that one," he said with a point back at one guy who was still knocked out and being put into a bed. "I've seen him before but that was... that wasn't human."

"No, he does go into a battle rage," Daniel agreed.  "We've seen it before.  We've seen it in the gym up here as a matter of fact."  They groaned.  "Xander is not dangerous unless he's in that state.  You guys have seen it before.  Why did you jump him?"

"To save the scientist's life."

"Xander didn't kill anyone," he pointed out.  That one guard came back with something.  "What's that?"  He took it at the grim look.  "The IOA wants to dissect the dragons."  He handed it back.  "It's evidence."  The guy nodded.  "So that's the guy he got earlier for trying it?"  Daniel couldn't tell through the swelling and bruises.  They all groaned.  "I'm sorry you guys tried to intervene.  Usually Xander is not that far gone.  Even during sparring."

"I saw him the day that idiot shot him," the video guard said.  "He was more intense this time."

"Because more people jumped in," Daniel agreed.  "In the future, just let Xander have them.  He stopped himself, even though he's in an altered state from whatever that supposed sedative did to him.  He is not the normal reacting person due to that DNA contamination."

"I've worked with Harris," one of the guys who had jumped in said.  "I trust him in the field, all that.  I was trying to bring him down and get him off the others."

"Do like Cam did.  Talk quietly, being reasonable, treating him like he's just overly excited.  Xander didn't kill someone this time.  He's taken a lot of training to get out of that.  I'm damn sorry, guys.  Rotate out guards and have the day off."

They nodded.  "He's really not dangerous?" one of the new guys asked quietly to another one.

"Nah, Harris is one of the most cool people around here.  He spoils us.  He's there for us when we need stuff.  He's the sort to pull out a joke when we're tense or a weapon when we need it.  Faith was right, he's been in too many wars."  They walked in to get their bruises babied.  "He's cool with most of us."  He smiled at the doctor.  "He okay?"

"He won't let me near him."  She checked them, giving them something for the bruises.  She smiled at the new one.  "It's very rare, only when he's hurt, and you have to threaten someone he likes.  This time it was his pet."

"So he's like those old berserkers that would do it at the sight of blood?"

"His own.  Not always even then.  I've seen him come in covered from some injuries and he hadn't lost it."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure.  He's got it under control most of the time.  This is the third incident in a bit over a year.  The other two, he had gotten shot."

"I heard rumors about a battle axe," he hissed.

"Yeah, that was him.  Then he took some calming down training.  If you heard about some army personnel shooting him?  That was him too."

"I did hear that, yeah.  I agreed with that."

"Next time, don't jump him.  Walk up slowly and calmly, if he growls look down so you look submissive.  Ask him if you can have the idiot yet.  Be calm, be quiet, don't seem threatening."

"Yes, Doctor."

"Good boy."  She pinched him on the cheek.  "You'll do fine and I'm pretty sure he's going to apologize."  Ronon woke up with a start.  She walked over to hold him down.  "Relax.  Xander went primal."

Ronon groaned.  "He drugged us?  He was complaining that he had been sent to gather the dragons for the head of science.  When it was pointed out he was working on earth he insisted and I started to get up but I felt the pinch in my shoulder."

"He shot you with a dart."

"I should kill him for that.  The nurse?"

"She's almost awake."  She patted him on the wrist.  "It'll be okay."  She walked over to check on her nurse then shooed the watching people out.  That idiot, he was in quarantine with another doctor.  Before she killed him.

***

Xander woke up with a gasp.  "Daniel!" he yelled.  The nurse came running. "I need Jackson."

"You're just fine, Harris."

He glared at her.  "NOW!"  She called him and tried to calm him down.  Both dragons cheeped at him.  He petted them.  "It's okay."  Daniel came jogging in.  "Daniel, the Assurans weren't."

"What?" he asked.

"They were in *bug* form.  They weren't Assurans."

"They were replicators from our galaxy," he groaned.  "Thank you, Xander.  I'll let them know in the report.  For now, you lay down and rest."  He soothed him until he laid back down.  Mira and Armand helped him.  "I'll make sure they know.  It could have been just a single ship.  We'll go back there to look it over."

"Take the gun," he said weakly.

"I am.  You rest.  I'll bring SG-1 with me.  Okay?"  Xander nodded, yawning.  "Good job figuring that out."  Xander smiled and fell asleep.  He looked at the nurse.  "That's important.  Thank you."  He walked out, calling Cam out of bed.  He got a sleepy, grumpy Colonel.  "Xander woke up and realized something."

"What?" he asked, sounding grumpy.

"The Assurans?  They were in bug form."

Cam stopped stretching to look at him.  "What?"

"The ones that came through were in *bug* form."

"Shit!" he muttered, stomping off.  "Get me who you can.  We're going now."  He jogged  back to his room.  He gathered with the team in the gate room, nodding.  "Slight issue," he said, getting full attention.  "Xander woke up and realized those weren't Assurans."  They all stared.  "They were our galaxy's replicators.  They were in bug form."  Amandale groaned, rubbing his face with his hands.  "So we're going to go back, we're going to search the wreckage.  We're going to get what we can to look it over.  I'm hoping like hell this is a lone ship that was exploring."  They all nodded and headed through.  They ran into scavenging Genii.  "People," he said loudly.  "Stop."  They looked at him.  "These weren't Assurans.  They were our galaxy's version and we need to find their data crystals so we can make sure they're the only one."

"How can you tell?" Cata asked, stepping forward.

"Assurans are bugs in human forms," Cam told him.  "Mechanical people most of the time.  Usually copies of others."  They groaned.  "Our galaxy's versions are bugs.  Xander woke up off a medical bed realizing it."

Cata nodded.  "You can look at what we've scavenged."

One of the scientists stepped forward.  "I've worked with their programming before."  Cata led her over to their stored things.  "No telespace information, Colonel, but..."  She held up something.  "That's a piece of weapon I think and this," she said, holding up something else, "is really not good.  It's alive."  They moved.  Cam took it to stomp.  It died with a whine of noise.  "Nice shot," she joked weakly.  She headed for the downed ship, looking at the main display.  "Colonel?"  He came in with Cata.  "Main display...."  She traced it with a hand.  "Corrupted crystals.  Here."  She pulled a panel off with a yank and found it.  "Telemetry crystal."  She interfaced with it.  "They were originally a paired ship but...  It looks like the other one got taken out by a flare, maybe."  She let him see.  Cam relayed that and relaxed.  "We have to look for that one."

"We can have the Apollo look for it."  He looked around.  "Anything we should look at more closely?"

She looked.  Then she nodded, taking them down to the 'replication bay'.  She looked at Cata.  "This is where they made more of them.  If this is activated, it will overrun any world they can get to."  He nodded at that.  "It needs to be destroyed.  Intact.  Or else they can make more."

"We can blow this ship without touching this room," he promised.  She smiled and shook  his hand.  "Are there records of how to fight them?"

Cam walked him out, looking at one mostly whole piece.  "This is their power supply.  They're fast little shits.  They're harder than hell to hit.  We created something, with Xander's help, that knocks out their power supply."  Cata nodded, taking notes.  He dropped it and picked up another one.  "This type, can shape shift."  He looked up.  "We have a human toy called Legos.  They're building blocks that you can put together in multiple ways to build things, whatever a child's imagination wants."  She pulled up a picture.  He grinned.  "She's building pirate ships with hers."  He showed him.  He did smile at that.  "These things are like that.  The nanites....."

"Nanites?" he interrupted.

She pulled up that information so he could see it.  "It's fairly advanced, even for us.  Even for Rodney and Xander."

"Interesting.  That requires things we won't be able to do for ages."

"The average scientist among us can't either," she admitted.  "Very few know how to harness them, make them, anything.  These things are made of them.  Lots and lots of them lego'd together to create a form."  He shuddered.  "In some humans, we use them to repair cells that have been damaged and to fight diseases inside the blood and body.  These ones, not so much."

"Can we have a copy of that report?"

"I can authorize you getting the bigger information file about them," Cam agreed.

"Are you in charge of the City now?" Cata asked.

"No, Colonel Sheppard still is.  He's off helping with some ancient labs.  I'm going to be in charge of the prototype city that Xander brought us.  I'm Colonel Mitchell."

Cata nodded.  "There is a prototype?"

The scientist smiled.  "Nila.  She's very nice.  She fusses over Xander when he's hurt and things."

"A city?"

"Her AI.  Artificial intelligence."

"Oh."  He nodded, not understanding that.  "Are there others?"

"Not that she knows of."  She patted him on the arm.  "She did say that your people managed to get into a lab the other day that has a failsafe that will destroy half that planet."  He stared at her.  "The one on the planet with the blue trees?"  He radioed that back to his people.  They would pass that on.  She smiled.  "We like the main force of your people."  She walked off.  "Colonel, let me download that for you."

"Please," he agreed.  He smirked.  "She's not bad for being about sixth in command."

"She is good at what she does.  McKay, Sheppard's pet, babbles."

"So does Xander when he hasn't had caffeine," Cam admitted.  "And he bounces."

"I have seen that," Cata admitted.  "It scared all our people for weeks."  She came back with the file and he nodded his thanks.  "How do we read this?"

"You put that disk into a computer and the computer will read it.  That's a disc.  That's all it'll do.  It has two files on it.  One has video of the attack we filmed of them when the earth project fought them last.  The other is the fact file on them and they're in the same format as the last one Rodney McKay gave you."

He smiled.  "I trust you.  You are too nice to double-cross anyone."

She smirked.  "Not totally but I'm nice enough if you're pleasant and since you guys like Xander you must have good points."  He beamed at that and went to gather the rest.  "Remember to blow up that room fully, Cata."

"Can you help?" he offered.

"Sure, I'm all for a good explosion to celebrate the sun coming up," Cam said dryly.  He waved his explosives people over to handle it.  They finished looting near the ship and the soldiers blew it up for them.

"What does that?" Cata's second asked in awe.

"A new chemical explosive Sam Carter worked up."  He smirked.  "It does work very well.  Better than the stuff she blew up a sun with."

"A son, as in someone's child?" one of the Genii asked.  "She did not seem that mean."

Cam pointed.  "No, a sun."   They looked, a few whimpered.  "It kept the gou'ald from taking over our planet."  He smiled.  "They're mostly in rubble now."  They all nodded at that.  "She'll be back on earth soon and it hasn't been necessary up here."  They all beamed at that.  "If your people have more questions, Sheppard and McKay will be back soon."

"You said Xander was on a medical bed," Cata realized.  "Was he hurt?"

"Humans have an organ that does about nothing called an appendix," the scientist said, pointing at her stomach.  "It's about here.  It likes to get infected and burst."

"We have the same," he agreed.  "We have many who need to have theirs taken out."

"Xander had his removed, then something in the city regrew it.  It burst during a sparring match with Ronon.  Of course, Xander ignored it in finest macho guy fashion during the match.  Doctor Keller had to yell at him for hours.  Had to sedate him from behind too."

Cam nodded.  "I still pity the guy who came in to try to hurt Armand and Mira.  Dumb idiot."

"Did he hurt Armand?" one of the younger soldiers asked.  "Armand is a wonderful creature who likes to nibble on my hair and lets me pet him," he said at his elder's odd look.

"They're both fine.  Xander came out of his sedation, nearly killed him, nearly killed a few Marines trying to get him off the idiot, and then nearly got Faith."  The Genii looked stunned.  "He's back asleep again."

"Who is Mira?" the young one asked.

"McKay recently got an egg of his own.  It hatched a young furry dragon he named Mira.  Xander's dragon sitting from the infirmary when Ronon isn't.  They like his hair."

The young one beamed.  "I can see why.  I hope he'll be okay."

"He'll be fine.  He's stubborn and back asleep.  He'll be in his own bed in a few days."  They all smiled at that.  "Then we'll find the thing that grew it back and turn it off."  They laughed and nodded, finishing the looting.  The soldiers helped and then they left since they had what they wanted and needed.  It was so much nicer dealing with the true Genii since they had decided to be scared shitless of Xander.  He came through last.  "Fixed," he announced, heading for his bed.  "Blew up the ship.  She has the crystal's information."

"Thank you," Daniel agreed.  "Have a good rest, Cam."

"Welcome."  He smiled as he walked.  They'd like McKay more for Mira than they would his brain.  It might make them more scared of them too.

***

Daniel looked at the video feed.  "General, I don't know why the IOA wants to dissect Armand and Mira.  I don't really care.  I care that the moron was a plant with orders and he decided to sedative dart some people in the infirmary to get them, and it made Xander go primal.  Some of the guys are a bit wary.  It's been three days and a few are still wary."

"This is the fifth one they've lost due to Xander."  He sent the file over.  "Oh, crap."

"It's not Xander's fault, it's the IOA's fault," Daniel pointed out.  "They're pushing their luck and Xander has had to defend himself.  In this case he was protecting his and McKay's pet from some horrible torture."

"I agree with the cause," he said.  "Why did the sedative make him go off?"

"It was the one that was used on Cadra."

"They have access to that file."  He grimaced. "Which means it's a backup plan."

"Possibly," Daniel agreed.  "I don't know, sir.  Oh, matter of record, something up here regrew Xander's appendix and it burst again.  He was only a few hours out of surgery when that happened.  He got that guy, four Marines, Faith, and didn't kill a one."

"He did on Cadra.  One of his captors."

"He didn't here.  Faith even tried to get him down by kicking him on the incision."

"Damn," he said, looking pleased.  "Serious injuries?"

"That one.  Faith had mild bruises.  One of the Marines got held up by his throat for a few seconds.  He had also jumped on Xander to get his fellow marine free."

"Reasonable then.  Want him to take a vacation?"

"I'd rather have him safer from the IOA."

"I can agree with that," he decided.  "Any other plants?"

"Not in the original crew.  Not in the people who came later.  This appears to only have started in the last half year."

"I'll look into it from this end, Doctor Jackson.  I'll scan the others coming up a bit more carefully too.  Since Sheppard will be back by tomorrow, I'll have him look into it."

"Thank you, sir.  Tell McKay Mira is fine."  She snuck into his lap, looking smug.  "See?"

"I do.  Hi, Mira."  She looked at the screen and snuffled then roared.  "I'm not a threat.  I'm the one getting daddy back to you in a few days."  She was happier about that.  "I'll let them know."  He hung up.  He left to look at the returned teams.  "O'Neill, is Sheppard or McKay back yet?"

"McKay just got back," he said with a point.  "He's sucking down coffee.  They only had caffeine pills.  Problems?"

"Some.  IOA plants."

Jon nodded.  "Can't we destroy them yet?"

"Soon, son.  Soon."  He went to find him in the mess.  "McKay."  He looked up.  He held up the memo.  McKay snatched it to look at then at him, still drinking.  "He was defeated by Xander, who was post surgery when the person used the drug they used on Cadra."

"Anyone else?"

"No deaths."

"Good for him."  He smirked.  "They all right?"

"I just saw Mira.  She snuck into Jackson's lap and roared at me."  McKay smiled at that.  John walked in and poured his own coffee.  "You two need to check for more plants."  He left it in their hands.

"Xander's?" John asked.  Rodney showed him the orders.  He snatched them to look at.  "He dead?"

"No, and it's surprising since they used the drug from Cadra."

John nodded.  "We'll start screening."  They walked off together.  "Yours in one piece?"

"Fortunately.  Barely but fortunately."

John smirked.  "I spoiled you."

"Perhaps."  They went to look over the personnel coming their way.  Rodney started his pile of morons that he wouldn't accept.   It was a much larger stack than the rest.  Landry walked in and noticed the piles.  "Here, these are acceptable.  We can check them for being IOA plants."

"You have twenty-eight spots to fill," he said patiently.

"Yes but I doubt I can fill them with people who had an undergrad GPA of 2.0.  Clearly their later degrees had some intervention like sleeping with their committee."  He found two.  "These two were fired, by me, from Antarctica for being incompetent and nearly ruining it."  He pulled out another one.  "Discredited.  Twice.  Do you know how hard that is to do?  It's nearly impossible.  It's so impossible I'd have to actually do the math on a calculator to figure it out!"

"Calm down," John complained.  He held up three.  "Tight ties to the IOA, General.  These two," he said, handing those over, "all served them as assistants or some other close employment status.  This short pile here may be clearable but I'm not sure."

He nodded.  "Thank you for reasonable sorting."  Rodney snorted.  "There's not that many coming out these days, Doctor McKay."

"They are but they're going straight to corporate hellholes that will pay off their loans."  He sipped his coffee, writing out a list.  "I've been tracking what these ones have published."  He starred four.  "These ones have ideas and may be acceptable if they haven't learned to toe the line too much and can still think.  The rest had innovative ideas."  He handed it over after ripping it off the pad.  "We need thinkers under fire and when it's calm, those who want to look ahead and behind.  Not those who can simply follow orders."  He pointed at his moron pile.  "Like most of them."

"I'll try.  That still leaves you botany poor."

"Xander's temping in there," John pointed out.  "We have three?" he asked Rodney.

"Four, ones's sick.  Plus Xander and a few Marines who like plants and are taking the opportunity to learn from some of the better minds.  For that matter, go ask them who to hire, General."

"All those were recommended by former Atlantis people.  None of the fired ones though."

"To be honest, I'd rather have a genius that went to Iowa State than I would a mediocre one from Harvard or MIT."

"I can agree with that," he said, walking those files off, turned so he knew which one was which.  Sheppard had post-its on top of each of his piles.  At least one of them was being reasonable.  He came back with two of the rejected folders.  "From your own mentors and on your list," he said, handing them back.

Rodney looked them over again.  "I thought I was reading his sister's."  Landry waked off moaning.  He looked his credentials over more closely then switched to the other.  "She's another dabbler," he complained.

"In her original field or a new one?" John asked.

"In her original field she might have a clue.  She was a computer specialist.  Now she's dabbling in mathematics."  He made notes and put them in each.  Including that the one was the son of an IOA member.  He went to hand them off and get some more coffee.  It was abysmal what they were limited to.  Maybe the CIA had people they might be able to steal.  He sat down with his laptop, doing a search using his very high criteria.  He came up with a list of people who were already being hidden by the government.  He weeded them out and came up with a better list to look at, going to hand that in as well.  "Already in government service.  Meets up to my criteria as someone who thinks and innovates or problem solves instead of just reverse engineers or tinkers.  Most of them are already on covert projects, a few are CIA, and we could use their various areas on the trip back especially."

"A quarter of these are from DARPA.  Do you know what sort of failure rate they have?"

"That's because the people usually realize what they're handing over and fudge things so they don't get something too spectacular."  He gave him a look.  "They're the sort who live for the work, not for the notoriety.  The ones in the CIA might welcome being saved.  Most of them have weapons experience that they're probably regretting signing up to do.  The ones in the other areas, we can probably steal faster.  The ones in DARPA have less than a year left on their contracts or are newly released."

"So they're used to secrecy."  He sighed.  "Any ties to the IOA?"

"I did not search for that," he admitted.  "Have a profiler in on the interviews."  He walked off sipping his coffee.  "Walter, you have gossip.  What's been going on?"  He reran the report from Jackson.  He smiled at his pet's sneaking.  "She's getting good at that."  He took another drink and kept watching.  Yeah, that was not going to work.

Walter looked up.  "I did hear that someone here got an email from someone up there complaining that your third-in-command turned into a dominatrix when they decided to piss her off."

He smirked.  "She may be quiet, meek, and gentle, but she will give someone hell when they deserve it."  He walked off smirking.  "Miko pulled out those boots Dawn had her buy."

John smirked.  "They piss her off again?"

"Apparently.  Mira snuck into Daniel's lap to roar at Landry.  Daniel didn't seem to realize it."

"Wonderful of her."  He went up to the PX on the base.  His phone rang with a text message and he sighed, responding.  "Yeah, I can pick you up that," he decided.  "If I can get off base."  He got what he wanted and went to pay people bribes to learn what had really been going on.  There had been an email exchange since he had been gone.  What he heard nearly made him swear but he could handle it.

"Radek, it's about time," Rodney complained from up the hallway.  "They're trying to give us morons who can't do more than tinker.  And you need to calm the AI down.  I'm sure Nila is pouting by now with Xander in the infirmary."

John joined them.  "Cam said she's been sitting vigil."

"Why is he in the infirmary?" Radek asked calmly.

"Something regrew his appendix," Rodney told him.

"Hmm.  Not good.  He lost it when he was seven."

"He lost it again after a sparring match popped it," Rodney told him dryly.  "Then someone from the IOA attacked him."

"Oh, dear.  I am sensing another thing with his axe?"

"Bare handed," John said quietly.  "Bad.  But no one died."

"Excellent.  That calming down training worked then."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Eat before you pass out so we can go back sooner."  John nudged him, showing him the text message.  "I may be able to do that," he admitted, blushing some.  "We will talk."  He left, going to calm himself down.  Xander was clearly better if he was thinking of such things like hohos.

***

Xander heard the notice of people coming back and looked at the dragons.  "The daddy is back, Mira."

She scrambled off the bed, down to the transporter, but Atlantis took pity on her and beamed her to the gate room.  She went running and leapt at her daddy, climbing up him to cuddle and nuzzle.

"Yes, I came back," he promised, petting her.  "Calm down."  He got her calmed and cuddly.  He smiled at her.  "Such a good girl.  Thank you for missing me."  She cooed.  He grinned.  "Good girl."  He petted her.  "Okay, what got destroyed while we were gone?"

"I have a full briefing for you," Miko said, smiling at him.  "She has been pouting for the last few days.  We told her a week."

"My outpost was barely operational even with a full ZPM."  He took the report to read, sitting down once they got to the lab.  He could still pet her and read.  She liked it when he did that.  He grimaced.  "The Assurans?"

"Milky Way replicators.  Defeated there.  The Genii took in the survivors."

"Excellent news."

"They have requested information on them and how to defeat them.  They were told the Colonel was handling an Ancient issue so it would be a few days.  We gave them the last fight's video and a few other things."

"Good."  He looked up as he kept going.  "Including the idiot?"  She nodded.  "Is he alive?"

"He is in the brig the last I knew.  He is under guard."

He nodded at that.  "Check on it."  She moved to do that.  He kept reading.  He would not put it past the IOA to have planted more people.  "Nila."  She appeared.  "Where is Xander?"

"He is resting in bed as ordered, Doctor McKay."  She smiled at him. "She has missed you."

He looked up.  "Someone changed Xander's gender?"

"Mira, not Xander.  He is pouty for many reasons."

"Good.  I'll go see him in a bit."  She beamed and left.  He kept going.  No one had blown anything up.  He was shocked.  Radek stomped in.  "Bad news?"

"They have grounded Xander."

"Nila said he's resting."

Mira popped her head up.  Radek petted her gently.  "He is not, Daniel grounded him because he found him swimming."

"Xander is like that."  He petted her.  "Do you want to show Radek where Xander is?"  She roared and leapt at him, nuzzling him and waving her tail.

"Thank you, Mira."  He walked her up there.  She pointed.  He went up to his room instead of the office.  She ran off once he was up there.  She had some daddy time to make up.  She got beamed into the lab and pounced him since he was standing up again.  She snuffled at Miko's cheek.  She adored the auntie.  Especially those cute boots that nearly stepped on her.

Teyla walked in.  "Welcome back."

"Thank you.  Are you here to report?"

"Xander is pouting."

"Radek went to check on him since he had surgery."

She smiled.  "That is a good idea.  He had a bad day a few before then too."  She petted Mira, getting a meep.  "She has been lonely."  She smiled at Miko.  "Or trying to cuddle up to her leather boots."

"She does like them," she agreed happily.

"Girls and shoes," Rodney complained, but it was light fussing so they ignored it.  He took Mira off to see John.  He and Daniel were meeting so he barged in.  "How is Harris?"

"He's upset with himself," Daniel admitted.  "He's upset with his body for regrowing such a useless stupid part, as he put it.  He's pouting but he wouldn't rest so I had to make him."

"That's sometimes a problem he has, taking care of himself," John said.  "He'll take care of everyone but himself.  Even during the spore thing, he ignored his own needs for over an hour so he could make sure everyone ate, got the stuff they needed for muscle aches, condoms.  Talked to Ellis a few times."  Rodney stared at him.  "Did you get an hour free and clear every day?"

"No, I didn't."

"And he did the same when he was younger.  He took care of the girls.  He took care of Anya, and he ignored it when they didn't reciprocate.  On the trip, all those boyfriends that were using bastards, he gave and they didn't.  Here, he's gotten us food and stuff.  We haven't paid him back for it."

"I don't think he's ever submitted receipts," Daniel said.  "Landry was confused about that."

"I don't think he's run into a nurturer before," Rodney admitted.  "Xander is, isn't he."

"Quite a lot and what's the one thing they all have in common beyond fussing over you?"

"Not taking care of themselves because ... it's that damnable self esteem issue," Rodney decided.

"Probably," Daniel agreed, looking out there.  "I don't really feel comfortable talking about him this way, guys.  You should talk to him."

"I will," Rodney said.

"No offense, but you're not exactly a people person," John said.  "And you might upset him more.  Or seem like you're attacking him."  Evan leaned in.  "Have you noticed Xander's a nurturer?"

"Yup.  I heard he was grounded.  Not taking care of himself?"  Rodney nodded.  "Radek?"

"Already up there."

"Thanks.  Permission?"

"You're not on shift until tomorrow," Daniel promised with a smile.  "None of you are once I get checked in with and any reports that might've been sent back."

"I'm going to treat the whole lab like the imbeciles they are until they tell me what I want to know," Rodney said, strolling that way.  Mira roared and waved her tail but she was happily being cuddled.  That's all she wanted right now.  Later she'd want food but the daddy usually did too.  Or maybe she'd eat another beaker again - they made great snacks.

***

Evan walked in on Radek letting Xander sleep on him.  "He okay?"

"He's fine," he said quietly.  "Just worn out."

"I'd expect that since he won't rest."  He took off his boots and jacket, laying down on Xander's other side.  He got a snuffle then he shifted back to press against him.  He rolled over carefully, holding them both.  "Let us take care of you," he said in his ear.  Xander mumbled something.  "No, I'm not Wonka," he sighed.  "I know you're feeling better now; you're thinking about candy."

"It's from the same sort of indigestion that led to the stripping hershey kisses," Radek said.  Even smiled and nodded.  "How was your lab?"

"So broken but we made it back.  O'Neill said the one in Africa was terrible and Rodney had to jury-rig systems the whole way back.  They kept blowing."  Radek shuddered.  "Yeah.  It was not good.  He said a few pirates tried to fire on them but they were too high at that point.  Their lab nearly hit the ocean at one point until he got one thing fixed good enough.  They're going to have to rewire that whole thing."

"I pity the poor scientist.  I do not think it will be me."

"Not going to the labs on Nila?"

"I think that will depend on if I want to make Rodney scream at a new helper.  He does enjoy it but he's been mellowing."

"Hmm."  Xander blinked at him so he smiled.  "Hi."

"Not grounded," he mumbled.

"You're not a kid, you can't be grounded," he agreed.  Xander beamed and put his head back down.

"Though you do need to rest," Radek added.  He gave him a gentle squeeze around the chest.  "If you rest, you do get rewards.  We even bought a new game."  Xander moaned, shifting back against him.  "Not for a few days, Xander.  We can only hold you.  The doctor left us an email that said so."

"Knew she was mean."  He pouted.  "Nothing?"

"Nope.  You're to be resting," Evan said.  "So let us take care of you.  We're here for more than the great sex, remember?"  Xander gave him a shy smile they hardly ever got to see.  They snuggled in better and it was good.  Even with brick-shaped flying labs.  "I say SG-1 gets Atlantis so Sheppard and McKay get Nila's labs, with his chosen geeks," he told Radek once Xander was asleep.  "That way you two won't get called over all the time."

"Perhaps we can work something out," he said with a smile.  "SG-1 is not ready to settle down yet.  There's many battles to be kicking butt in.  So maybe he will once we're back there."  He yawned.  "Moving them was tiring."

Evan nodded.  "Those are contagious."  He shifted, kicking the blanket up to cover them.  Radek snuggled in too and it was nice.

Nila appeared and smiled, adjusting the heat in the room then leaving them alone to sleep.  They were so adorable!  And they had very good ideas.  She didn't want to lose any of her family back on earth.

20: Not the Usual Apocalypse

Xander looked at the text message he got and groaned.  "Guys, gotta go," he said, looking up.  The mission wasn't critical thankfully.

"Is this like the gotta go that made you put up a shield?" Jon asked.

"Worse."  He left, going back to his desk to grab three things.  He petted Armand for a moment, smiling at him.  "Daddy's going to be brave and noble.  You stay here and adopt someone if I don't come back."  Armand roared so he gave him a hug then he disappeared, wiping the tears when he landed.  "You summoned?" he asked the person next to him.

"It's bad," he said quietly.  "I need help."

"I know."  He looked over.  That man stomping their way was a very bad sign of the world ending.  He'd rather see a union of hell gods again than this man.  "Fucking hell."  He walked out.  "No, you don't get to do this."

"And who're you to stop me?" he asked, laughing.  "You're no time lord, boy."

"Not all that travel through time are time lords.  There's Time Agents, those who just travel, Ascendeds.  All sorts of beings travel through time."  He stared at him.  "Though I've seen some worse than you.  You're definitely in the top ten but not the worst."

He sneered.  "Who are you?"

"The protector of this planet."

"Then you should've shown up earlier."

"Sorry, was a bit busy on another one helping out."  He shifted.  He looked at the clones then him.  "Not even they will save you.  Not even if you changed every single being on earth."

"You can't stop me."

"I can and I will stop you.  The Doctor, he's nice.  He's a decent guy.  He's not a warrior.  He's a philosopher.  He's a scientist.  You're just psycho."  He shrugged.  "It falls to warriors to end psychotic threats to the universe."

"You won't stop me," he shouted.

Xander clapped.  "And the award for over-dramatics goes to you," he said blandly.  He saw someone moving, nodding to her.  Then at the Doctor.  He looked at the things in his hand, tossing her one.  "Donna."  She caught it, smiling at him.  "I knew he'd need an extra some day."

"Oh, that's really fair," he sneered.  "Three against one?"

Xander shrugged.  "I don't believe in fair fighting, only fair warning.  Though I can toss you one and it still won't help you any."  He looked at the ball of light coming down behind him.  "Asha."

"Xander.  This man is a threat to all of everything."

"Then help or get out of the way, Asha."

The Master turned, staring, head tipped slightly.  "You're an Ascended."

"Yes, I am.  You're about to die.  I have seen many that Xander has ruined, rightly so.  He saved Atlantis at one point as well."  He changed from a ball into a human shape, almost ghostly version of what he used to be.  "You will not win.  Even if your people come back."

Xander shrugged.  "They might hate me too," he sighed.  "Oh, well."  He looked at Donna, then at the Doctor, getting a slight nod back.  "Any last statements you wish to make?"

The Master sneered.  "I'll have your pretty little ass sold for parts."

"Hmm.  Probably not.  Others have tried and failed."  He looked at his wrist and took off the bracelet, breaking it.  The light show coming out of it was fantastic.  The power it had contained was blinding.  Now, it had a higher purpose.  He stepped through the corona and everything stopped as the spell set.

"How did you do that!" he shouted, looking around.  "There's no way!  Nothing can stop time!"

Xander smiled.  "It's moving very slowly but again, not all beings that travel are Time Lords.  Some of us aren't."  He fired on him.  The Master pulled out his own weapon and fired back.  Xander didn't move.  The other two fired on him.  They kept going.  Xander was using his nice, pretty, magically enhanced sonic screwdriver.  Donna had one of his normal ones and the Doctor had his.  "You won't win," he called.

"Why aren't you falling down!" he shouted.  "You're injured!"

"Because I'm not like you."

"Ha!  You're human!"

Xander shook his head.  "No I'm not.  Not any more.  Partially, yeah."

"Ooooh, a time being and human cross," he sneered. "How cute."

"Hey, bite me," Donna called.  "Some of us fantastic this way!"

He stared at her.  "A half human/half timelord?" he demanded.  "How in the hell!"

Xander shifted closer with a hidden wince.  "Not that hard.  Regeneration and stuff."  He fired off another blast and hit him lower this time, in the chest.  The Master went sailing but he took the chance to fire at the Doctor.  Xander moved forward, expanding his axe.  Donna had the Doctor's well being in hand.  He stood over him, axe in one hand, sonic screwdriver in the other.  "Reverse it," he ordered calmly.

"You'll still die!" he gasped, then coughed.

"So be it."

"I can regenerate."

"Not without your head."  He swung and chopped it off.

"I was done this way by a single hand," Donna complained.  "Come help him, Xander."

Xander walked over, staring at him.  "Hey, Doc?"

He coughed.  "Xander, I'm going to regenerate soon," he gasped.

"I'll guard eleven until he's steady on his feet, Doc.  Don't worry about it."  He pulled at Donna but she was crying on him.  "Donna, move."

"No!" she shouted.  "There has to be a way!"

"Donna, I don't want to leave," he chided.  "You have to move."

He tried to pull her back again but then the light show started.  He backed out of the way, bowing his head in respect.  Donna disappeared, eaten up by the energy she gave to him.  To heal him.  A new body was forming.  A new person was also appearing.  Xander looked at the new one.  "Elder."

"Who are you!" he demanded, stomping forward.  "What have you done!"

"Saved humanity."

"You stopped time!"

"I know that.  Though it's really just moving very slowly and it'll slowly start up again," he said quietly.

"Who are you?" he demanded again.

"Xander.  A traveler."

"You can't be.  No one...."  Jack appeared.  "A Time Agent?"

"Yeah and that's the White Knight."  He looked at the new body.  "I was on a whole different planet."

"Me too.  Donna was here."

"Damn it," he muttered.  "I liked Donna, even after he had to block it off."

He shrugged.  "She got unblocked."  Jack looked at him.  "She went with him."  He looked at the Master's body then snapped and set it on fire.  The Elder gasped, staring at him.  He stared back.  "As I said, I'm a Traveler.  Accidental at first, admittedly.  Then I learned.  He helped mold me into the being I now am."  He looked at the new one, smiling at him.  "Doctor?"  He got a groan.  "Okay, we can wait."

One of the coven appeared, two more behind her.  "Xander, this is a rogue action," she said.

Xander held up the Master's head before tossing it into the fire too.  "No, it wasn't."  She gasped.  "It'll restart in about five minutes I think," he told her.  "Calm down, no hissy needed."  He took a deep breath, limping over to him.  He was magically pressing on the injury to help stop the bleeding.  He squatted down no matter how much it hurt him to do it, nudging him gently.  "Hey."

"Who're you?" he asked once he had blinked awake.

"I'm Xander.  I knew you before."  He helped him sit up.  "How do you feel?"

"I'm confused.  I'm awfully sore too."  He looked at the thing in his hand then around.  "What is this place?"

Xander smiled.  "London.  Your prior incarnation helped save London and the universe."  Asha came over.  "Don't touch me, Asha."

"You're bleeding."

"I know I'm bleeding.  He damn near severed my hip joint.  Leave me alone."

"I will not."  He looked at the other being, who was about the only one Xander ever listened to.  He merged with him, getting sucked into the powerful core, freeing him from the damage.

"Hey!" he said, jumping up.

"I think my ex was trying to help," Xander told him.  "Sorry."  He looked him over.  "Can you force him out?"

"No, he entered then he turned squiggly then he kinda turned to dots.  What is going on?"

"You're the eleventh Doctor," Xander said formally.  He bowed slightly then winced.  "That's going to leave a scar."  He sighed, looking at the elder as time restarted, slowly moving back up to normal time.  "Jack, this is a street."  Jack got on the phone to block it off.  He looked at the elder then the coven.  "Do you doubt my intentions?"

"No," they agreed.

"Just your sense," one of them said dryly.

Xander raised an eyebrow.  "I'm one of the protectors of his planet, even though I am off gathering things to help us more.  Get off it."

"Settle down!" that one counter ordered.

"I'm kinda seeing two people," he offered with a shy smile, then winced when he tried to move.  "I hate sonic screwdriver injuries.  They never heal."  The witches laughed and let themselves go home.  "Elder, did you have a problem with us stopping that bastard?"

"He was one of us."

"Then you should've policed your own psychos," he shot back firmly.  "It's not my fault or this planet's fault that you didn't stop him before he caused harm!" he shouted with a point at the fire.  "Do you know how many people he killed!  That does go against your much vaunted non-interference laws, doesn't it?" he demanded in a sneer.

"So has the one behind you."

"No, this one is innocent.  The past lives of him saved people.  Including doing your dirty work during the Time War."  The Elder stepped back at that.  "So don't fucking tell me about that.  He saved lives and made lives better.  He protected the integrity of time even when it meant his own traveling companions suffered, or he himself.  You brought back the Master, you and your Council did so, and then you let him loose like some hunting dog.  Only he didn't hunt your enemies, he hunted our people.  He created paradoxes that had to be solved.  He killed countless millions of others.   He nearly ended time for good today.  So I will not hear you bitch, whine, or complain about this shit!"

"He is one of us."

"I can put out the fire so you can grab the bones," he offered dryly, wincing as he stepped closer.  "I may be a traveler but I'll be damned if I'm going to see this planet destroyed after how many times I've helped protect it."

"They both will face charges."

"You bring the Master back and your whole species will face me," he said bluntly.  "I am not the traveler to fuck with."

"The one who entered me said that he knows many weapons," Eleven offered, still looking confused.

"Xander!" Jack snapped.

"Fuck off."  He glared at him then back at the Elder.  "I can destroy your whole planet just for shits and giggles if I wanted to.  The only reason I don't, and the reason that healed me so I wouldn't become like that pitiful attempt at a being, is that one," he said with a point at Eleven.  "Even if his actions weren't perfect, you guys started the fucking problem by bringing the Master back and letting him loose."

"We were desperate."

"Now you're not.  Now you're paying for it.  Go tidy up your planet and watch your reality soap operas."  He looked him over and sneered.  "This planet and the ones he's saved over the generations want to keep him.  We could care less about you and yours unless he wants to talk about it."

"How did you get one of our screwdrivers?"

"I made three of them," he said dryly.  "This one's extra special."  He held it up, letting him scan it and give him a horrified look.  "Yeah, I'm with the coven."  He stepped back.  "Leave Eleven alone.  What Ten did saved us all.  Including you frosty assed beings.  So get over it."

"How did you stop time?  We felt a sun being born here."

Xander pointed at the remains of the bracelet.  "Yeah, well...."  He shrugged then winced again.  "I so deserve spa time this time."  He stared at him, seeing the awe.  "I'm a person who accidentally traveled.  Was human, though I was born on a dimensional thin spot.  Got given DNA warping things, radiation poisoning, then I traveled.  By accident.  I went all the way back to the beginning of time.  Three times."  The Elder shuddered.  "I was trying to home in on home."  He smirked.  "Didn't quite work that way.  Fortunately, when it got to the point where I was going to break, the Doctor stepped in," he said more calmly.

"We have those who would want to see your memories of him."

"I need to get him settled and my other bracelet is on Atlantis with my dragon."  The man gaped in awe.  Xander stared.  "Yeah, I know, I'm a fucking myth.  Yay me," he muttered.  "It's things like this that create it."  He looked at his screwdriver, then pointed it at the dying fire.  He fired and it waved then seemed to fade.  Until it popped.

"That's a time bubble," Jack said.

"I noticed that.  It'll be fucking difficult to get him free of it, right?"

"Impossible," the Elder agreed, nodding some.  "Get him settled."

"I don't know how to work the Tardis," he complained.  "Jack?"

"No clue," he admitted.  "The Doctor didn't let me drive either."

Martha coughed from where she had appeared.  "The rest of humanity is returned."

Xander nodded.  "Thank god.  Who'd want to be a clone of that asshole."

"Xander, you're injured."

"Duh, Martha.  Obvious much?"

She glared at him.  "I'll tell your General if you sass me.  He'll paddle you."

"He'll have to wait until I'm healed."

"Good point."  She walked closer.  "Is that another Time Lord?"

"Yeah, from their council I think."  He sighed.  "She was a companion of his as well."

"We would like to see what he has done in our absence.  We will vow no harm will come to you because he is right, he could destroy us."

"Xander, way too many weapons," she complained.

He smirked.  "Me, weapons?  Nah, Martha, why would I have weapons?"  He looked.  "We'll take the Tardis?"

"That would be acceptable.  Bring her home.  By then he'll be able to function hopefully."  He left.

"Road trip," Jack called.

"Oooh, me!" Dawn shouted.  "It sucked having to watch that."

"Yeah, well, it does suck," he agreed.  "Jack?"

"Dawn, watch Ianto for me.  Handle things, I'll be back in a jiffy.  Doctor, into the police box."  He walked in and looked around in awe.  They got in and Martha thankfully knew how to work the engines and set coordinates.

Dawn huffed.  "That's no fair!" she shouted.  "Damn it!"  Ianto came jogging up.  "They took the new Doctor with them."  The head of the coven appeared, a very old man.  "Master Nycom."

"Dawn.  Are you throwing a fit?"

"About Xander."

"We've all had that one I believe."  He walked over.  "They'll be right back.  That is the nature of time, child."

"I know, still sucks ass."  He glared at her.  She stared back.  "It does."  She looked around, picking up a few things.  "Xander's screwdriver.  Xander's magical sonic screwdriver.  Ianto, that's the remains of one of his blippy bracelets.  That's going to cloud the energy that's coming off around here."  Soldiers came running up with guns, pointing them at them.  "Freeze, Torchwood," she shouted.

"That's a good job.  Jack has really worked on your delivery," Ianto said with a smile.  "We are Torchwood."

"UNIT, freeze," their leader said, pointing guns at them.

Dawn pulled their guns from their hands and stacked them over the time spot she could feel.  It was still slightly open so they went there too.  Hey, if the Master regenerated, he could shoot himself a few dozen times.  "Really?"

The one in the lead pulled his handgun.  "Who are you!" he demanded.

"Dawn Summers."  She walked closer, staring at him.  "Torchwood.  Linguist.  Martha knows me but she had to travel with the new Doctor."  She disarmed him, knocked him down, and looked down at him.  "You're such a pussy.  God, Teal'c doesn't fall for that move."  She handed the gun to Ianto and went back to cleaning up.  "Ianto, if I touch that bracelet and the magic around it, it's possible I'll flare up and call more people from the dead."

"Of course," he said, pulling out a sealed vacuum from his bag to pick up the small pieces.  He measured the energy as well.  "What was he powering it with?"

"Half a supernova.  The other half's in the other bracelet."

"Wonderful," he said dryly.  "Owen?"  He came over with Tosh.  "Here, finish this, Tosh.  Owen, clean up any trace while I help her with UNIT?" he said quietly.

"Looks like she's got them scared."

Dawn smirked.  "They're not even as bad as demons."  They all backed off, giving her awed looks.  "Yeah, Buffy's my sister," she said dryly.  "Xander's my big brother though."  She smirked.

"Harris?" one asked.  "You're with him?"

"Well, he's kinda with the SG.  I'm kinda interning at Torchwood at his orders.  But yeah, he's just like my big brother.  Nags worse than Ianto here does.  Especially about skirt length.  I mean, how bad is it to wear a short skirt now and then?  Not like I'm wearing them ho short or anything.  Maybe 'jump me in the club' short but not that bad."

"Hell no!" Owen told her.  "You're not going to turn into the slut your father is.  Your mother would be appalled."

"Xander gets more than I ever will."

"So?" he countered.

"So does Jack."

"So?" he repeated.  "You're female, they're not.  They can be sluts, but you'll end up a mother."

"We don't think that's possible," Ianto offered, cleaning up another area.  "At least not physically."

"Yeah, kinda sucks, but hey, more fun," she said with a happy grin at the soldiers.  Who all whimpered.  "So, Martha will be back shortly.  Xander's going to manfully be babied for nearly dying inside a time dilation field.  Eleven will be fine I'm sure."  They all groaned when the police box reappeared.  "Martha!  We've just been having a *lovely* chat with these nice soldiers of yours who are *way* overprotective.  Do they let you go out on dates or are they as bad as Owen is to me?"

"They don't care who I date as long as I'm fit for duty," she said with a pat to her back.  "Xander's on Atlantis."

"Good!  Since he nearly fucking killed himself this time."

"Knights are like that," she pointed out.

"Dawn, I do believe your language is out of hand," Jack said, coming out of the Tardis with something.  "Modulate it into a more professional sounding one," he ordered.

"Yes, Herr Capitan!" she said in German, saluting him.  He glared.  She switched to calling him stupid names in Hebrew, making him snicker as he walked off.  "Is he going to live so I can beat him?" she called.

"He'd better.  I get his ass first," Jack called back.  "Master Nycom."

"Jack."  He looked him over.  "You were late?"

"I was somewhere else."

"Pity.  The boy could use help.  He's still locked in the battle."  Jack groaned but Dawn got them and the Master Mage up there to handle Xander's injuries.

One of the UNIT guys nudged Martha.  "That was Summers, from Sunnydale, right?" he asked quietly.

"Buffy's little sister, yes.  Why?"

"The one who sneezed up a unicorn?"

"Oh, well, yes.  I don't think we told Xander that story," she admitted.

He swallowed.  "And that was Harris?  The same one that did the disease shield?"   She nodded, smiling.  "Is he one of ours?"

"SG personnel."

"Can they maybe keep a leash on him?"

"No."

"Why not?" he begged.

"Because he's not that sort of boy."  She saw the running others.  "It's all right now!" she called.

"It bloody well isn't!" Mickey shouted.  "Where is he?"

"Eleven's in the box."

"Eleven?"  His face fell.  "He regenerated?"

"Yes, but he has the full memories," Jack told him as he reappeared with Dawn.  The mage was going on his own speed.  The other elders were in trouble because Xander had found the crystal holding them and had broken it.  So the time lords were in a bad spot.  If not destroyed again.  He wasn't going to ask.  Both the doctor and Xander were in a bad mood.  Mostly about Xander's injury.   He sighed, patting her on the head.  "No more blipping.  Now I'm using his term," he sighed, shaking his head.

"Xander can wiggle his way into your mind," Martha agreed with a smile.

"Yes he does, and other places."  He looked at them.  "Eleven?"  He leaned out.  "Companions?"

"Oh, hello," he said with a smile and a wave.  "I have a pounding headache from one of Xander's ex's trying to take over.  Bloody ascended."  He went back to getting him out of him and then sighed in relief when the main crystal of the Tardis dissipated him a bit more.  "There, better."  He went out to talk to them.  "What?  Do I look that strange?" he asked dryly.

"Just...different," Sarah Jane said quietly.  "Welcome back."

"Thank you.  Jack, Xander?"

"Better now that the injuries stopped growing."

"Hmm."  He saw the extra screwdrivers in the bag.  "I wondered how he did that."

Dawn took it after he scanned them both.  "One's more magically based.  The other's a spare for when you need it sometime."

He smiled at her, scanning her.  "I wondered about that."

"Me too," Jack said, coming over.  "Doc, is she immortal?" he asked quietly.

The Doctor smiled.  "Isn't that going to be a bitch to find out."

"She's my daughter.  Please?"

He scanned her again, looking at something different.  "Half and half.  She could go either way.  I'd say, she'd have it kick in or she'd ascend and therefore come back to bother you at various points when you need nagged."

Jack smiled and relaxed.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Try to keep Xander there for a bit?  He's showing radiation again."

"He stepped through the bracelet he broke to start the time stop, Doc," Dawn pointed out.  "That's a supernova.  Though, the new one using negative space... very much prettier."  She smiled.  "So?"

"Ascended or," Jack told her.  "Might depend on when and if it happens."

"I'll be young and cute for a long time then."

"Still not getting any," Owen called.  They all stared at him.

The Doctor looked at her.  "You sneezed up a unicorn?"

"It was an accident; I had cold medicine in my system thanks to Rhys.  I was loopy, high, and dizzy.  Then I sneezed and started a bloody nose."  She shrugged, looking sheepish.

"Where are you going once you graduate?"

"I'm going to follow Xander and Daniel Jackson."  She beamed.  "Whole bases full of cute people.  Some even sweaty.  Lots of people I can make sure like us."

"I'm having her fitted with a chastity belt," Owen told Jack, handing him something.

"She's my daughter, why are you so worried?" Jack asked.

"Hate to see you as a grandfather and if a nosebleed pulls up a unicorn, what will the childbirth do?"  He looked at the blank spot.  "So he's all gone?"

The Doctor scanned it.  "Xander is brilliant.  He created a time loop."  He shrugged.  "Why are there guns?"

"Because the soldiers pointed them at me," Dawn said patiently.  "I didn't like that.  I hate being scared that way.  So he can commit suicide over and over again if he manages to regenerate."  She walked off to help Ianto.

The Doctor shook his head.  "I'll get her ice cream in a few," Jack promised, earning a smirk.  The other companions piled onto the new Doctor to talk to him and make sure he was going to be all right.  He looked around.  "Donna?"

"No, the bastard awakened it," Dawn said, looking at him.  "I felt it explode from the dormant stage."  She shut down all the video cameras and erased them and their feeds.  She looked at him.  "She was there with Xander and him."  She pointed.  "There.  The energy from the regeneration is there and so was hers," she finished quietly, coming over.  "I'm sorry."

"No.  She died helping him.  That's what she would have wanted."

She patted him on the arm.  "We'll see her again."

"Yeah, sometime," he sighed.

"Xander pointed out that even immortal, you are very slowly aging, Jack," she said quietly.  "A few days a decade."  He smiled at that reminder.  "So some day I'll catch up and then we'll see what happens."  She swallowed.  "After we kill Xander for nearly dying this time."

"Agreed," he said, giving her a one-armed hug.  "Ianto, do you need my help?"

"We're nearly done," he said, coming over.  "Are you all right?"

"I'm good," he admitted, smiling some.  "We'll all be fine."  He helped pack the cleaned up things and sent Dawn back with the others.  He was a companion too.  UNIT got them all somewhere secluded for a bit so they could talk and mourn the loss of one of their own.  Then argue who was going to help him for a bit.  He looked like he needed feeding.  He was much too skinny and all the female companions wanted to mother hen him.  He could see the distraction starting and tapped him.  "You have a cellphone," he told him quietly.  "It can reach you anywhere.  Xander made sure of it when it broke."

"I had wondered."

"We all have phones these days and some of us can get wherever you are if you're having a crisis or an apocalypse.  Xander and I especially."

The Doctor smiled.  "He is a Traveler now."

"Him and me both, Doctor.  He's another that'll fuss over you though."  He smirked.  "If you need any of us, you call."

"I'll do what I can."

"We spank if you don't," one of them said smugly.

"I'm not getting into that conversation ever again," he said firmly.  A few cracked up.  He looked at Jack.  "You sure?"

"Yeah, for now.  Maybe some day I'll be ready to go again.  I'm hearing great things about the twenty-ninth century with me and Xander."  He shrugged.

"He's a myth."

"I heard.  You heard.  He knows and he laughs.  Thinks they blew it out of proportion.  Then again, Xander somehow accidentally went back to the beginning of the time stream three times with my bracelet.  We have no idea how."

"I should fix that thing."

"Can't."  He smirked at him.  "Xander stuck it."

"Damn.  I'll need to confiscate his."

"He'll just build a new one, Doctor."

"I know.  Maybe the next one won't have a sun in it."

"Only half."

"Hmm.  Go play with your daughter before that Owen turns her into a nun."

"Owen's a slut but he's good to her."  He gave him a shoulder nudge.  "Be safe?"

"You as well.  Torchwood isn't exactly sane."

"I'm in charge, so no, it's not."  He winked and got up, strolling out.  Ianto was sitting in the SUV reading.  "You waited?"

"Of course."  He stared at him.  "Where else would I be when you were moping?"

"Thanks, Ianto."

"You're welcome.  We have to go save Dawn from Owen.  Even Gwen is telling him to lighten up and let her play.  She's going to end up on a pole or something to push back at him."  He started the engine and they drove off.  "How is Xander?"

"He'll be fine.  Hopefully.  He might limp a little but he'll be fine."

"Uh-huh.  How many years?"

"Few weeks probably with his healing."  He shrugged and got comfortable.  "He's still an asshole though."

"Yeah, he is.  Spoils her horribly too."

"It's that or he's going to make more weapons.  I pity his whole city with him bored in bed."  Ianto snickered.  Jack was horrible enough, a hyper Xander had to be worse.

***

Doctor Keller came out of surgery, looking at them.  "He'll be fine.  He'll walk.  I'm fairly certain he won't limp if he doesn't want to."  They all sighed in relief.  Armand roared at her.  "Tomorrow.  You can see him tomorrow.  Tonight I need him to be flat on his back, not curled around you."  The dragon pouted.  "You can pout?"

"They learned it off Dawn," Rodney said quickly.  "What happened!"

"I don't know.  They didn't tell me when they showed up."  He huffed.  "Go make contact with Earth or something."

"They don't know," John sighed.  "But he'll be fine?"

"He's going to drive everyone nuts for a long time.  Especially since I don't want him walking for *days* at the very least.  And then it'll be supported walking."  They all groaned.  "So, yes, he'll be fine.  The cut was very clean.  It parted along the cell lines, there was no indication of cutting or burning tools used.  I have no idea how."

Rodney snapped a few times.  "His screwdriver," he said.  Someone went up to check.  "We could've asked," he said dryly.  They came back a minute later, holding up one.  "He has three."

"Only this one was in there, sir, and the drawer was open."

Armand gave out a pitiful roar and tried to push past her.  "Fine," she said.  "On his chest only, dragon."  She picked him up and put him into place. "No moving or wiggling."  He snuggled, letting the daddy snore at him.  She put his IV-free hand over him and they both relaxed.  She turned and found a very old man standing there and a lot of people watching.  "Yes?" she asked.  "Do we know you?"

"I'm one of his training masters," he said with a toothy smile.  "You're quite pretty to be a doctor."

"Brains come in all sorts of packages," she said dryly.  "What happened?"

"A great evil got brought back and taken out.  The battle was short, painful, and then ended in a time loop.  He stopped time for the whole planet with one of his bracelets.  Thankfully the new ones are easier to keep powered."  He smiled at her.  "You do have quite a powerful mind."

"I'm also about to pounce someone into a date."

"If it doesn't work out, think of me, child.  I may be old, but I am powerful."  He chuckled. "He'll be fine.  The Master is no more and cannot be again.  The old ones are back nagging each other about doing nothing.  Time moves on as it always has while there was a guardian."  He disappeared.

She looked up.  "Did anyone else see him?"

Everyone in the doorway nodded.  "Yup," Rodney said, walking in with the screwdriver.  He checked it and ran it over him.  "He's showing some radiation I think."

She snatched it and ran her scanner over him.  "The same as you get off people who were through a quantum mirror."  She gave him a dirty look.  "Go do something else, McKay."

"Not likely," he said, sitting down.  He snapped and pointed.  "Come on and quit moping."  Mira ran in to sit in his lap, cheeping quietly at Armand, who let out another mournful meep.  "He's fine, just sleeping, Armand."  Xander shifted and Armand got all sorts of excited.  "I told you so.  Next time, listen to me.  I do know everything that I talk about."   Keller pulled him off the body and put him in McKay's lap.  "Yes, fine, we'll take turns holding him."  She walked off shaking her head.  Others came in to sit with him but Radek.

Nila found Radek in Xander's office the next day.  "You don't want to visit him?" she asked quietly.

"I'm mad at him and trying not to yell."

"I think that's a normal human emotion, Radek.  That is part of worry, the anger that he had to put himself into danger."

He looked at her.  "I want to beat him to death for that."

She smiled.  "I do not have human emotion and I want to spank him and then cry on him."  He groaned.  "Did I share too much?"

"No, it was good sharing," he promised, giving her a weak smile.  "Thank you, Nila."

"You cannot love him for who he is and want him to change at the same time, Radek.  He wouldn't be our Xander if he changed.  Though I don't think he'll have to do it again for a while.  There's not many truly great evils left in the universe."

He nodded.  "Thank you for making me feel better."

"It's no problem.  Evan felt the same so he was using the heavy bag.  He and I talked as well.  He's down there now with the dragons if you wanted to be with him."

"I think I will."  He walked down there, taking the stairs so it'd give him more time to clear his head.  He walked into the infirmary and sat down.  "How is he?"

"Better.  She still won't let him wake up.  The wound is sealing pretty well," Evan said quietly, petting Armand.  Mira cheeped from on top of Xander's feet.  "Doctor Keller said you're not supposed to be on there.  That she's going to make Rodney put a leash on you."  Mira growled and curled up again.  Armand slithered up and curled around her, head facing the daddy so he could stare at him.  "He'll wake up when the doctor lets him, Armand.  She's making him sleep.  Like the plant spray."  Mira meeped.  Armand growled but she licked his ear and he was calmer.  "If they get together, would that make Rodney and Xander in-laws?" he asked.

Radek let out a tired sounding laugh.  "They are already uncle and nephew."  He looked at him then at Evan.  "Are you upset as well?"

"Yeah, I am.  I don't know why it's got to be him."

"Because none of the other ones have his skills," Cam said as he walked in.  "Buffy can fight and does.  Faith's the same way.  Jack's got cunning and some weapons but not what Xander has.  Dawn has magic but not what he has because she's not training it very hard.  She doesn't want to.  None of us can do what he does either.  So he's the perfect person to send when you really need a team that won't be able to work together.  Sam about threw a fit the first time he used magic on a mission.  That was just to light a fire."  He looked at them.  "He'll probably only have one other major thing this decade.  We've defeated most of the big bads.  So the next one has to be demonic.  There he'll have more backup."

"That doesn't understand or want to understand him," Evan said quietly.  "How do you know?"

"I picked up the book on his desk.  It's a biography."  He held it up.  "It said the next big thing he'll have to help with is a demon invasion and that'll be a weapons use while we're getting ready to land Nila."

"Where did that come from?" Radek asked, taking it to look over.

"I don't know.  Maybe he belongs to an Ancient Book of the Month club?" he said dryly.  "Maybe someone wanted him to have it?  Maybe he preordered it from the future.  No clue."  He stood up.  "It was kinda interesting though.  Who made his laptop?"

"Some smith in the twenty-third century," Radek said.

"That smith?" he asked with a point at the bed.  "Probably because he couldn't get some stuff back here as easily."  He walked off.  That would totally blow the kid's cover and they'd get closer.  Even if they did want to shake him to death.

Radek looked at the book.  "We should not."

"No, probably not," Evan said, snatching it to read it.  "Forewarned and all that.  Like his visions."  Radek smiled, shifting his chair so they could both read.

Xander finally woke up while they were working their way through a few chapters in the future.  He blinked at the book they were reading and mentally groaned.  "I hate that book.  They said I came from a crater and didn't even mention my parents."

"That is so no one would go back and kill them," Evan said dryly.

"They're the reason I'm the man who could turn into the man I am today."

"True," Radek agreed.  "You made sonic screwdriver?"

"Yeah, but he doesn't know that.  It was after I had seen his when he lost it one day too.  He got to the point where he got it and he didn't because no one had created it yet.  So I kinda created it for him."  He shifted, looking at his ankle warmers.  "Hi, guys.  I'm awake," he said quietly.  They rushed up to lap him.  "I love you guys too."  He petted them and they settled down.  He looked down at himself.  "How much damage?"

"Shitloads.  You're lucky Keller's so excellent."

Xander nodded.  "Yeah, I am."  He looked at them.  "So I guess you saw why?"  They nodded.  "It would've destroyed everyone and he didn't have the help.  That's my job, guys.  I'm sorry."

Evan sighed.  "No you're not.  We could've lost you and not have even known.  If you had told us, we would've went with you."

"You couldn't have done much."

"We could've laid down fire to distract him.  Thereby making you not as injured," Radek offered.  "Or blown him up."

"The Doctor chewed on me for not letting him do it honorably."

"Someone like that, you don't have honor.  You have stopping it," Evan agreed, shifting in his chair.  "You didn't even tell us, Xander.  You had the time since you used your bracelet."

"That's an hour, not a minute accuracy."

"So?"

"You're right, I should have," he said quietly, looking at the pets.  "I'm sorry about that."

Radek shifted over to touch his leg.  "I should spank.  I want to spank.  I want to beat and scream and yell."  Xander flinched.  "Then I want to know how you created the computer."

"I couldn't get some of the stuff back here," he said quietly, glancing around.

"Cam knows.  It appeared on your desk," Evan told him.  Xander let out a sigh then winced and shifted.  "We read it."  He stared at him.  "The weapon for the invasion?"

"What weapon?"

"It used the resonance of the portal to eliminate any demon that came from there within eighty miles.  They called it Thor's Thunder or some such," Radek said quietly.

"No idea but I can figure it out from that."  He looked at them.  "I'm sorry!"

"No, don't be.  This is the real you."

"I'm the real me.  Just sometimes I have to go into the secret identity stuff," he said weakly.

Radek smiled sadly.  "We're not Alfred but you could have told us."

"You're not my butler, Radek, you're my boyfriends," he hissed, glancing around.  "And I don't want people to hurt you.  Not because of something that I stepped into at the right moment.  Half of those, I was there at the right time and did something that was dumb.  Sometimes, like this time, it was noble and had to be done but still fairly stupid of me.  I'm lucky more often than I am good and it sucks because someone can twist that and come after you guys."

"That's noble and all but let us worry about that," Evan said firmly.  "That's our job."

"But I'd jump off somewhere if you guys got hurt because of this," he whispered.  He looked down at his pet and friend's pet, getting dual licks.  "Thanks."

Radek and Evan shared a look.  "Remember when we had talk about your self esteem?" Radek said patiently.

"I got nagged, yeah."

"Same thing."  Xander stared at him.  "It is.  We can take care of ourselves and being a hero is lonely work, even when you do just end up at the right time somehow."  He stood up and walked to the other side, staring at him.  "We would like to see more of the real you.  The goofy, bastard, flirty you.  You hold it inside."

"If I'm like that up here, no one respects me."

"They're all scared of you anyway," Evan said dryly.  "The fact you can beat Ronon sometimes earns you that."  Xander slumped and had to shift some.  "We do respect you, Xander.  Even when you flirt.  Even when you fuss over us because we're sick or something.  We respect you for all that, and even this noble, hero part.  It sucks that you don't trust us enough to let us see that."

"I do.  But you'll get hurt."

"Fuck that, that's my thing to worry about, not yours.  I know very well someone's going to say something sometime, Xander.  That's my job to worry about it, not yours.  Hopefully by then the regs will change.  Though, they're not going to ask me outright because they won't like the answer."  He stroked his knuckles down Xander's cheek.  "I knew someone might fight me some day because they wanted you.  The same as I knew that not all the military guys were going to like us hanging out and things.  I realized I didn't care."  He smiled at Radek.  "He has it a lot easier.  A gay scientist is nothing new.  He doesn't have to worry about regs.  You and me and him?  We'll work this out once you're out of here since we have no privacy," he said, spotting John in the doorway.  "He's up."

"She said she was going to let him wake up today."  He came in, looking at him.  "Someone found out what happened and told O'Neill.  His remark was 'next time, call for backup.  You do get the perk of that as well as the dragon'."  He stared at him.  "I'm blown away because O'Neill told me and Jon what he had heard happened.  This is from Dawn, who had to rant to someone because everyone she works with basically shrugged and said 'another day at work and go put on a longer skirt'."  Xander cracked a smile and shrugged a bit.  "I know.  You got that attitude too after all that time in Sunnydale.  Stake and move on.  Handle what you have to.  Next time, tell us!  We'll come back you up.  You know that about us."

"You'd have been vulnerable."

"You're vulnerable too," Radek pointed out.  "Or you'd be in your room with a movie right now instead of in here with a nearly severed leg."

"He thought I was the normal one so he focused on me.  He screamed at me 'why won't you fall' or something like that.  Oh, saw Asha again.  He helped get Eleven back into kicking order sooner."  He sighed and shifted then winced and held his hip.  "That's going to take some work."

"Which we don't have the facilities for up here," John said quietly.  "Keller wants to send you back for therapy until you're healed."

"I have to slowly work back up to walking and then running," Xander said dryly.  "You limp with support, you limp without support, you slowly work your way up, with some water work if you're lucky, until you're not really limping, then you work on that final bit of conditioning."

"How many serious injuries have you had like this?" Radek asked.

"I got advice on PT for my arm and I did do a lot of training over the years," he admitted, glancing around.  "I'll go see a specialist but walking around the halls isn't any worse than walking around on a treadmill down there.  And I'm a hell of a lot safer.  No demons that'll think I'm weak to attack me.  Or the Council's price on my balls."

"I had forgotten about those threats," Keller said as she joined them.  "I still need you to see a specialist.  I have no idea how to help you."

"I can get a book," he offered with a grin.

"No you can't," she said with a smile.  "If you leave that bed before I say so, you won't like it."  She walked off.  "I'll arrange for you to see someone, who will give me orders.  Which you will follow, Xander."

"Yes, mother," he called after her.  He sighed.  "I put a pool into Nila's new docking area inside the free time lounge and gym."  He looked up.  "Hey, Nila?"  She appeared.  "Do we have an area in the external parts of the city that I can use for water PT?"

"That area is not explored," Radek said firmly.  "Who knows what could be there.  Could be giant Xander eating spiders."

Xander looked at him.  "Don't give me nightmares, Radek.  Please?" he begged.

"I suppose we could recalibrate the Lanar."  Atlantis appeared.  "Is the Lanar in good shape?"

"I had not thought of that because they only want to work with rooms inside the specified radius they had explored.  That whole complex is very dusty but still whole," she said, checking over it.  "It is very easily dusted and fixed, Xander.  Why?"

"Because I'd like to do some water PT to help rebuild my leg."

"It has stairs," Nila admitted.  "But there is a secondary transporter on the top floor so you'd only have to go down a flight instead of up three."

"What's a Lanar?" Evan asked.

"A lounging area, used for pleasure and relaxation," Nila told him with a smile.  "It would be perfect.  Or there is the personal one to the South," she told Atlantis.  "Does it have less stairs?"

"Yes, it does," she agreed.  "Both are suitable for use as far as I can tell."

"Then that'll give me a project too," Xander said with a happy grin.  "Before I drive everyone nuts while I'm on my back."

"How are you going to get up to your room?" Radek asked.  "The transporter ends at stairs.  Eight of them between your office and your room."

"Well.... first I'm going to beg Rodney to go get into my storage areas in Dallas and Vancouver.  I'm pretty sure he'll be able to find the working prototype for a floating chair there."  They both groaned.  "I am and always was a comic geek, guys.  Also, if Rodney wanted, I'd let him browse through all the crap I have stored that I probably need to sell off.  There's very few things in there that I really *have* to keep."  They nodded, looking numb.  "Then I can do stairs.  Or go plant things.  Or even make it to meals."

John stared at him in awe.  "You have how much stuff stored?"

"Way too much but I need to go through it in person to sort out what needs to go because it was spiteful taking and what I want to keep."

"How many storage areas?" John asked.

"Um...."  He counted mentally, tipping his head side to side.  "Including the weapons storage area in the apartment in Cardiff that Dawn and I share?"

"Yes," he said patiently.

"Four.  No, five.  There's a small one started in Paris.  That's where Armand was waiting until I could grab him because I didn't want to see Buffy slay him.  Or see him eat a vampire."

Evan gaped.  "Then all that stuff in your office?"

"Came out of Paris's but it's mostly empty.  I think there's a few boxes left."

Radek whimpered.  "What is the other things?"

Xander stared at him.  "Do you really think the ex's didn't have to give me pretty things when they pissed me off or used me?  Or that I didn't get vindictive?" he asked quietly.  "You can ask Cam.  I looted on that assignment.  It's in Dallas."

Radek swallowed.  "I like that idea actually," Evan decided.  "That you didn't let them use you."

"You pay for it one way or another if you're not a real, true boyfriend.  Then it's more equal and I pay for dates, you pay for dates.  We both do nice things for the others."

"I never thought about it that way," John admitted.  "Guys do pay for it in many ways.  Being nice, paying for dates, buying treats."

"Is immoral," Radek pointed out.

Xander looked at him.  "You didn't pay for dates?"

"Yes.  I never expected them to put out."

"And neither do I but if they piss me off or I find that they're using me, they're fair game.  I'm sorry if that upsets you, Radek."

"No, it is practical," he admitted, looking at him.  "You never ask us for things."

"No, I don't," he agreed.  Radek beamed at him.  "Though I wouldn't mind a candy bar from my stash."

"Rodney already emptied it," Evan said.  "I found one but I had some stress nibbling."

"That's cool."

"Why send Rodney to get into them?" Radek asked.

"Because it's got a security system that'll zap anyone who's not ever traveled through time and he has."

"Ah!" he said, getting it.  "The rest?"

"Numerical and then password I'll have on my USB key.  Or he'll have to spring Dawn."

"That is most reasonable and safe," Rodney said as he walked in.  "I heard my glorious name mentioned?"

"My flying chair is in either Dallas or Vancouver."

"You must be joking," he said flatly, staring at the boy.

"Comic geek?" he pointed out dryly, smiling some.

"Oh, dear god!" he complained.

"Well, there is that planet I helped with the farming stuff," he offered with a grin.

"I will beat you," Rodney said.  "Why me?"

"Security system set to time travelers and an invisibility shield so no one can take it."

"Fine," he agreed.  "I can do that and chat with my sister for a few days.  Tell her you need a mother hen."

Xander pointed at Armand then his boys.  "I have three."

"Clearly they need you to tell them when you're being heroic."

"The biography that may or may not be wrong said that he's done for this decade.  Only one more miraculous thing that got noted and it was a weapon he fired off during an invasion of LA by demons," Evan told him.

Rodney stared at him.  "You're making my brain hurt.  Stop it."

"Sure," he agreed.  He grinned at Radek.  "We never did figure out if those two mated would they be in-laws."

"Probably.  You'd consider it that way when your dogs marry."

Rodney let out a shriek and stomped off.  "Give me the codes and addresses, Xander, before my brain leaks out my ears.  Mira?  Come on before they warp you too."

"Daddy has a headache, Mira," Xander told her.  She scurried after him, cooing the whole way.  "They're in my journal from before I moved to the base."

"I'll get 'em," Evan promised, smiling at him.  "That way I can peek?"

"Go ahead."  He took a kiss on the forehead.  Radek stayed and John patted him then left.  "Are you disappointed?" he asked quietly.

"No.  I'm glad it was that instead of just killing them or leaving in shame or defeat."  He leaned closer.  "You do amazing, scary things," he said quietly, staring at him.

"Sometimes.  Most of the time I'm in the right place at the wrong time."

"The others, you are very noble.  Very much the knight they call you."  Xander grimaced.  "You are.  That is why it is very scary when you say you have to leave suddenly to handle something."  He stroked the back of his hand.  "I would have liked to been there."

"If I fall, because I know I will some day, even I'm not that good or lucky, I don't want it to be witnessed by someone who would have that branded on their mind, Radek."

"It is better than wondering."

"Being told blunt facts is always nicer than having to see it happen, in person, watching the blood spray out and all that."

"True, but some of us do not want to hear the little things.  We want to see it, to know it is true."

"Radek, he could've vaporized me."

"Which would have left us not knowing what happened."

"The Master came back," he said very quietly, glancing around.  Radek moaned.  "Like that year time loop that got canceled out for being a paradox."

Radek nodded.  "He was evil and deserved it.  He deserved you to take him out.  But I'd rather be able to rush over and hold your limp body, hoping for revival or ascension than I would hear it on the news."

Xander nodded.  "I understand."

"Good.  Then next time..."

"There won't be a next time, Radek.  Probably not for a long time."

Radek smiled, stroking over his boy's hair.  "I would hope not.  Remember this though."  Xander nodded, staring at him.  "Good."  He planted another kiss on his forehead.  "When you are out, we will watch movies and I may help you with your therapy."  He winked.  "Somehow."  He stood up.  "You need to rest."

"I'll nap soon."

"Rodney will be screaming soon for something since you gave him a migraine."

"Point."  He shifted and winced.  "That didn't feel good.  Hey, Doc?"  She came walking back.  "Should I pop and then feel damp when I shift my leg inward?"

"No."  She uncovered it and took off the dressing, grimacing. "That's possibly not good."  She scanned it.  "Not good.  Radek, take Armand."

"He had shifted a few times to get comfortable."

"He didn't move any of the stitches this time, his hip partially dislocated and opened a new one."  Radek moaned.  "Let me take him to fix it."  Radek stole the dragon and helped her get Xander into the operating theater.  "By the time that special chair gets here, you should be able to get out of bed," she said dryly.

"Yay me," he said flatly, waving at Radek and Armand.  "I'll be fine," he called.   He looked up.  "Hey, Nila, can you make a list for Rodney for me?  That way I know what to pick up in the way of cuttings?"

She popped in.  "There are some plants in stasis, Xander, but not many.  As for the lanar, there are some very big pots and one that has a huge crack thanks to some bigger than average roots."  He smiled and rattled off a few things in ancient, making her gasp and clap her hands in glee like she had seen one of the airmen do.  She beamed at the doctor.  "That is a wonderful plan!"  She went to tell Atlantis, who helped her make the list after looking over the area.  It could definitely be done.  Especially if Xander could get there.

***

Rodney came out of the stargate, handing over the files.  "From Xander's other doctor.  He's got a plan hatched to do his PT up there."

"He blipped and came back?" Landry guessed.

"He had to, he still can't really move from the bed."

"We can switch a wheelchair up there but there are stairs," he pointed out with a sigh at the end.  "He'll have to move his room."

"He has a flying chair in storage," he said dryly.  "That's one reason I got sent."  The general rubbed his head.  "Think how I feel."  He walked past him.  "Mira?"  She hopped on his shoulder, nuzzling him and cheeping, staring at the new person.  "This is General Landry.  He runs this base."  She sniffed delicately then cheeped at him and waved her tail.

"She's cuter than the pictures said," he said with a small smile petting her ear.  "You're adorable."  She preened.

"Yes, you're as cute as I am smart," Rodney agreed, making her purr.  Landry laughed and quit petting her.  "Anyway.  Dallas, Vancouver, two other places to pick up plants because we don't have the right sort of plants that he wants to work on, and then he'll have a nice relaxation area set up and we can work on the one we found hidden in a tower we haven't explored yet."

"I thought you had a map."

"We do.  Radek never asked about relaxation areas and apparently this was used for something like a formal relaxation area.  Plants, tea, small water feature," he said with a hand wave.

"Their version of a koi garden?" Landry guessed.

"Apparently."  He shrugged.  Mira cheeped at him.  "Sorry."

"She does you good."

Rodney smirked.  "Quite.  She also sucks up to Miko's leather boots."  He walked around him.  "Let me get that chair so it can go up on the ship.  Hopefully with his plant samples."  He looked at his dragon.  Then at the general.  "Inside are also mission profiles for the replicator attack and what they found out."

"Assuran?" he asked, finding the disk.

"No, ours.  Xander woke up out of sedation demanding to see Jackson because he realized they had been bug replicators, not people replicators as he put it in his report."

"Crap."

"It gives Ellis their trajectory so he can do a scan however you want him too."  He waved a hand.  "Come, Mira.  Let's be traumatized by human flight."  He left.  A few of the people on base stopped him to look at her.  She was sucking up the attention but he didn't let anyone too dumb pet her in case it was contagious.  You never knew what you'd find around the base.

***

Ellis beamed down, looking at the waiting people.  "Xander's chair is seriously strange."

"He's a comic geek," John said dryly.  "Look like the Professor's?"

"No.  I expected it to but no.  It's got some futuristic hovering, mag-lev technology."  Xander grinned from the stairs.  "They finally let you out of bed?"

"Yup, barely.  Did you get my plants?"

"I have three boxes for you on your chair, Harris."

"Cool!"  It got beamed down and they helped him up and over to it.  He had a work table for the boxes that was sturdier than it looked.  He opened them and beamed, having Atlantis beam them to his room or the Lanar.  Then he floated it and they all groaned.  It looked like a wheelchair, front uncovered, table across the lap, pack on the back of it.  Wheels too so he could do it the normal way.  He maneuvered and beamed.  "Thanks, Ellis."

"Welcome, kid."  He shook his head. "Landry wanted to know if you'd let others who needed it borrow it after you were done."

"Sure.  Let me know who needs it.  Even Jack after they finally replace his bad knees."  He smirked.  "I'm going to do things.  Need me?" he asked John.

"Go."  He smiled, watching him putter off.  It did seem to send out soft noise.  He shook his head.  Armand leapt up and snuggled on him too.  "At least he won't be stuck in bed driving everyone nuts."

"Not hardly, he'll drive you nuts in person," Ellis said with a smirk.

"I heard that," Xander called back as he rode off.  "If you like me, you never go nuts."

"Uh-huh."  He looked at Sheppard.  "McKay too."  He got beamed down with the rest of the stuff.  "There, have him."  He walked off to oversee unloading and have dinner.  Since they had good cooks and no Woolsey there wouldn't be liver.  Probably never again on Atlantis.

John looked at Rodney.  "What are you reading?"

"Another of Xander's multi-billion books he has in storage," he said dryly, looking up at him.  Mira yawned.  "Yes, the person who wrote this is rather boring," he agreed.  She leapt at John, cooing and nuzzling him.  John petted her, making her happy.  "She hated riding in the carrier on the planes.  My sister adored her though.  Wanted her own."  He walked off.  "Radek, your boy is mobile," he called.  "And I found a few new books for you to bum too."  Mira cheeped up at John, who followed.  She was happy with how she had trained them.

21: Traveler's Dilemma

Evan got off duty a few days later and looked around Xander's room.  Neat and clean so he hadn't been herein hours at the least.  The tv was cold.  His office was empty.  He looked up.  "Atlantis, where is Xander?"

"In the Lanar," she reported, appearing.

"Where is the Lanar?"  She led him to the transporter and pushed the correct button for him, making him smile.  She led him up the hallway.  "What're those?"

"Those are former student rooms, Major."

"You can call me Evan, Atlantis.  You and Nila both."  She beamed at him.  He grinned back.  He opened the doors she pointed at and stepped inside.  "Wow, how did he do this in four days?"

"There is a quick way of growing them," she reported, leading him over.  Around the covered area were plants and trees of all sorts.  Some with nice smelling flowers, some without.  Above them was a plexiglass like shield.  In the center was a lounging chair, a table, and a few other chairs beside a fairly deep pool.  Xander was asleep on the lounging chair.

"Did they swim here?" Evan asked.

"Before they had ornamental things.  This one, you can swim.  In the bigger one there are more pools to be rehabilitated.  It will be fantastic once he's done with it."  She nudged Xander's seat, making him wake up.  "Evan is finally free of the mission."

"Hi," he said, smiling at him.  "You like?"

"I adore," he said, looking around.  He recognized some from Earth, and some from local planets.  "Aren't some of these hothouse varieties?"

"Each planter has its own temperature control," he said.  "Atlantis, can I have the black tea set?" he asked quietly.

She beamed.  "Of course, Xander.  That's a wonderful idea!  I'll see if Radek's busy too."  She left to find him and tell him where the tea set was.  That way he could steal the right sort of things to nibble on.  Lanteans hadn't done it exactly the same way but she knew humans liked to nibble with tea.  A few of their people were Japanese and she adored watching their tea ceremony.  She would have to show them how they did it in the Lanar in her former days.

Evan got up to look at something.  "What's this, Xander?"

He looked and smiled.  "A peanut plant."  He smirked at him for it and moved to the others to look.  "Wait until you see the bigger one."  He smiled as Radek came in with Rodney and John.  "Hi."

"Hi."  John looked around.  "This is a fantastic job, Xander.  When will you be done with the larger one?"

"A few weeks.  It needed a lot more cleaning since I found a few rats."

"That's cool."  He patted him on the arm, smiling at the clear pool then back at the plants.  "It's going to be fantastic.  Invite me up, okay?"  He took Rodney away from the temperature controls on a planter.  Now that they knew how to find him....  It should just be the trio this time.

Radek set down the tea set.  "Atlantis told them what to make.  I stole cookies too."

Xander beamed.  "Cookies are good during tea.  You can go look."

Evan came back.  "We'll look later.  Did the Ancients have a tea ceremony?"

"Something very close to it," he admitted, sitting up slowly so he could do that.  They smiled at it and let him serve them.  It was a different taste but they liked it.  It was very calming.  Very sweet too.  They relaxed and it was wonderful.  They talked about the city and the other lanar.  They talked about books.  Xander giggled at Cam's idea of an Ancient Book of the Month club, but assured them the two new books on his desk were ones that Rodney had brought up for him.  When they were done with the tea and cookies they slipped into the pool, skinny dipping actually.  It was very nice, just the right temperature, and long enough to get a few good laps in.  Evan asked about them swimming and Xander shook his head but said it was up to them to warp the old ways into ones that fit them better.  They smiled and helped him swim for a bit.  He was slowly working his way back up.

***

Miko rushed into the lab.  "Atlantis found video of a tea ceremony on the Lanar," she said excitedly, beaming at them.  "The anthropologists are going nuts over it."

"Of course they are.  That's their part of the soft sciences," Rodney agreed dryly.  She pouted and he realized Dawn had taught her as well as the dragons.  "Fine," he sighed.  She showed them the file.  He had to admit it was ceremonial.

"Xander does his slightly different," Radek admitted.

She blushed.  "I asked and Atlantis said that his was more for intimate acquaintances or very close friends."

He smiled.  "Then I do not mind."  He smiled at her.  "He has been working hard on the other lanar."  She beamed at that.

"More like he's been driving Botany insane," Rodney said, sipping his coffee.  "I have no idea why he has to have that specific purple and red flower."

"It's what tea is made from," Radek said quietly.

"Ah!"  He nodded.  "That makes more sense.  At least he's picky for a reason."  They let her rerun it.  "How many other video journals are there?"

She shrugged.  "I don't know.  Atlantis?"  She appeared.  "Are there other video journals?  The Anthropologists would adore to see them."

"There are some.  No one had asked for them before."  She went to see Daniel, who was in a friendly debate about the tea ceremony.  "It is to relax," she told them.  "Not for formal greeting."  They all stared at her.  "You use it to shed everything else so you can relax."  They smiled.  "You even do it in private.  There is a more personal version for those who are close to you."  She looked at Daniel.  "Miko offered up a question about other journals and you wanting to see them?"

"I would adore that, Atlantis, and if I could hug you, I would."

She beamed.  "I wish I could be hugged as well.  It looks like it's very nice."  She opened them up for him and showed him where they were stored.  He beamed at her.  "Nila has a few but they are mostly construction ones."

"Wonderful!"  He beamed at them.  "There's a whole lot of them."  He looked at her again.  "When will Xander be doing the tea to open the other lanar?"

"As soon as he's finished planting and they find the fish for the smaller ones."  She bowed and he bowed back then she faded out to watch over him.  He was itching to get into trouble.  He'd be doing something soon.  She knew he would be but Evan was helping him plant right now so maybe that would help.

The Anthropology department was dancing in joy, literally, over the videos.  That had been a good thing to find for them she decided.  It made them all happy.

***

"C'mon, I need to get the fish.  It's meant to have pretty fish to stare at.  Please, Evan?"

"You're in a chair, Xander.  That means it's dangerous."

"I'll have guns on."

"That's a Genii trading world."

"It's not like they're going to try me."  Evan groaned, shaking his head.  "We need it and the purple flowers.  Please?"

"What is with the purple flowers!" he demanded, looking defeated.  He knew he had already lost.

"They're mandatory.  Also, they're kinda good for you."

"Sheppard won't agree."

"I'll have Armand.  I'll have guns.  John's off duty today."  He grinned.  "Therefore no fussing.  Please?"

"You'd have to have a whole team."

"No.  I only need one person to help me carry."  He gave him a begging look.  Armand was doing the same because he was bored.  "Please."

"I'm insane."

"But I love you that way."

"Good to know."  He filed a plan for it.  Daniel gave him the oddest look.  "That purple flower and fish."

"It's good to know he has something to occupy his time."

"Yeah, otherwise we'd all be nuts instead of me."  He walked back down there.  "Guns?"

Xander let him check them over on him.  Then he floated the chair up.  "See?  Armand."  He came trotting back and hopped up on the daddy's lap.  They got dialed through and Evan made sure he had weapons and followed him.  He was going to regret this.

Xander found the fish he needed and the flowers nearby.  "Here."  Evan came over, looking.  "See, fishies and the flowers that everyone says they can't find."

"Thankfully I brought specimen containers."  Xander pulled out his shrinking bag and the ones he carried.  They were gathering the fish when the Genii showed up.

"Xander."

Xander looked over and waved.  "I'm setting up one of the old lanar's.  We need fishes and the flowers."

"Xander, why are you sitting in that?" the head of the team asked.

"Injury."  He grinned.  "I was stopping an ass of the universe who wanted to kill everyone everywhere."

"Did it hurt your back?"

Xander stood up slowly and shifted his shorts out of the way, showing the top of the incision.  The Genii all gave him horrified looks.  "It was nearly severed."  He put it back into place and sat down, letting Armand and Evan help him fish out the pretty ones.  "Don't touch the purple flowers please.  I need them too."

The Genii looked at each other and came over to help him.  It must have been a bad battle.  "What sort of weapon does that?" one asked him quietly.

"It's a future tech weapon from another race.  A friend called me to help defeat the bastard because he couldn't do it alone.  He was trying to destroy everyone everywhere.  The guy had one.  I had one.  He yelled at me 'why don't you fall down'."  He shrugged.  "He lost.  Badly.  I got him down and cut off his head.  Then we kinda lost my friend but he's kinda in a new form now.  And I talked to Asha, who I used to date but is ascended.  Or was.  He helped my friend heal."  He smiled.  "It was bad but we won."

"It must have been bad if the other warrior was nearly killed and he's as strong as you, and you were hurt that way," the head of the team told him.

Xander nodded.  "That one was stronger, especially mentally and emotionally sometimes. He doesn't have the temper I have.  We lost one fully but it'll be okay.  Someday others will come."  He patted that one on the head.  "Get the blue one?"  He did that with a grin.  "Cool.  Thank you."  They sealed the containers of water and fish for Evan to put away.  Then he got to work taking plant samples.  He held one up.  "You need to dry this part out," he instructed.  "Then grind it and seep it.  It makes a wonderful, calming tea."  They all beamed at him for that.  "It's amazing and part of the tea ceremony of the lanar."

He dug them out carefully and wrapped the roots up.   Then he got a few other samples.  Then a few more of the purple plants.  He pointed.  "Get me that green one."  They helped by digging it up.  "Watch the roots.  They're a bit poisonous."  They dug around it.  "Thank you."  He wrapped that one up carefully and handed it off too.  "Thanks, guys."  He beamed at them.  "What are you guys here for?"

"Scouting the locals," one of the team said.  "Why did you want that one if it's poisonous?" he asked.

"Only the roots are.  The top shoots go into heat once every three years and smell wonderful, plus are tasty if you catch them at the right time and have some vinaigrette.  They also help clean the air and water.  We can put them in with the fish to keep the water clean."  They nodded at that.  "Guys, good job.  Thank you."  He floated the chair and they all stared at it.  He grinned.  "I built it."  He waved and they left.  Armand roared back and waved his tail at them.  Evan had the samples containers and it was okay.

They got back and Evan waited until the gate was shut down to look at him.   "That was probably the most calm I have ever seen the Genii."

"They were very helpful."

"They were.   Which is nice since I didn't have to lure the nibbling fish into the jars."  He helped him get it to the public lanar.  Thankfully the city could adjust the water to the fish's needs.  Xander got to get into the water to plant the plants.  He climbed out slowly but Evan came over to help.  Xander waved him off.  "I can help."

"I'm fine."

"Xander, you still have stitches," he pointed out.  He helped him back up into the chair, staring at him.  "I want to help."

"I don't want to feel helpless and the more stubborn I am the faster I'll get back to being chased by someone who wants to kill me."

Evan took a kiss.  "I need to feel that I'm helping so let me."  Xander nodded.  "After this, how about a shower and a cuddle to a movie?"

"I could like a cuddle but maybe more?" he asked hesitantly.

"Xander, I'd love to but Doctor Keller scares the crap out of me and she said no stressing that joint.  No sex because that'll make that hip joint work a lot and I'm not one to tie you down and make you beg me."  Xander moaned at that.  Armand got out of the water and they released the fishes.  Evan went to release the higher fishes.  The first one set the needs of the pool and it was good.  "There."  He pointed.  "Come on."  Xander pointed at the other plants so they planted them quickly.   Then he got to take Xander back to help him shower and then rest.  They needed a rest.

John came up a few hours later.  "You went where with him in that chair?"

"To get things for the lanar.  The Genii were very helpful.  He taught them about the tea flowers and they helped gather fish and plants.  They talked about the battle a bit.  They respected the injury and loved the chair."

"You're both insane," John complained.  "We could have taken it from the other rom."

"We invited O'Neill up for the opening," Xander said, sounding half asleep.  "He'll probably have to bring someone official."

"Good point, but still a sucky plan."  Evan pointed at Xander's head.

"Fine, blame me," Xander muttered.

John shook his head, walking back down there to check it out.  It was looking wonderful.  He closed it up again and headed back to the control center.  Daniel had told him and he had been amazed Evan was that lax about giving in to pouting - boy or dragon's.

***

Jack walked out of the gateway.  "Danny?"  He looked up from his watching something.  "I brought someone."  He pointed at the present head of the IOA, who wasn't an ass surprisingly enough.  A bit dumb but not an ass.  He was also the Canadian representative.  "What's up?"  He came over to watch over his shoulder, whimpering.  "Is that Ancient?"

"Yeah.  The last child born on Atlantis.  His mother was censured but she wanted to do it on her own and it was filmed a few different times."  He waved the other guy over, letting him see it.  "This is of his first time wandering down a hallway.  The city taped him because he wasn't supposed to be out.  The others didn't really like him but they couldn't do anything about it once he was born."  They watched as he patted doors and cooed and people, then went into another room and got shoved out before it got shut on him. "That's where we have chemistry.  His mother was a botanist."

"We have other videos?" the IOA rep asked quietly.

"Many."  He smiled.  "Atlantis found them for us.  We have hours of celebrations, the tea ceremony in the formal version, and all sorts of things."

"Wonderful, Doctor Jackson."  He beamed at him.  "Good find."

"Thank you, but Miko asked, not me."  He stood up.  "We are going to the lanar that Xander's just finished with."  He handed Chuck his laptop.  "Put that on my desk for me please."  He nodded, doing that.  He walked off with them.  "Lanar are places of relaxation.  They had a formal and a more intimate tea ceremony that they always did, to help them distinguish between the outside and in the lanar.  Xander's doing ours.  John and Rodney are going to join us there."

They both nodded.  He got them into the transporter and there, earning a gasp.  "It is amazing," he agreed with a smile.  He walked them to the double doors and opened them.  "Welcome to the main lanar on Atlantis, gentlemen."  John and Rodney smiled, looking at the various plants.  "Xander even broke the rules and had Evan Lorne steal him across the gateway to a planet with an outpost to look for some of the specific plants he needed.  Some are earth varieties, some are even practical," he said with a point.  "That's a squash plant I think and he put peanuts out too."

They walked around to look at things.  Xander had put names on stakes in the pots.   He went to look at the pools.  There were steps of pools.  The top one was fairly warm but not too hot.  People could sit and lounge in it.  It was self contained.  Half a floor down was a smaller, shallower fish pond.  They had brightly colored fish.  "Are those the ones that liked to eat toes?"

"Cousins of, these eat fish food," Xander said, floating over to him.  "The toe eating ones are lower."  He smiled and they moved to the next level down.  Another soaking pool, this one chilled and it was a bit bigger.  The half step down had another fish pond and it wasn't connected to the upper one but the lower one seemed to recycle water through it.  This one had more plants and the toe nibbling ones.  "Yeah, these are the toe nibbling ones.  Evan complained for days about helping me get some."  He grinned at him.

"They're beautiful fish," Jack agreed, walking down to the last one.  It was the largest soaking pool and had a few cracked seats on the ledge.  "Was this originally a soaking pool?"

"Yes.  Filtered and all that.  I've had it heated to just about body temperature.  The fish really like it and it recycles through the plants to clean it."

"Good design."

"Theirs," Xander admitted with a smile.  He floated back to the table to check things over.  "Councilor?"  He came back, staring at him in awe.  "What?"

"There's been a call to find you, young man.  England wants to thank you."

Xander shrugged.  "I'd rather they didn't but I had no idea about that.  I'll tell someone to tell them I'd rather not."  He smiled and set out things, smirking at Rodney.  "Yes, the formal one."

"I think it's beautifully done, quite relaxing, but the one you've converted to take your PT in is more intimate than this one."

"Mine was meant to be a private one.  This was a public one."  He smiled and performed the ceremony, handing out cups.  "And something they never did on Atlantis before, cookies," he said, putting out the tray with a smile.  "They didn't bake that way."

The councilor beamed at him and sipped.  He moaned.  "This is spectacular."

"It's from that plant," Xander said with a point.  "It has mild effects on the body of causing relaxation and a lowering of blood pressure by about five points."  He smiled.  "Which is probably why they engineered it."  He smiled and nodded, sipping it.  He took a cookie too.  "Our wonderful cooks made them."  He sipped his own.  John and Rodney sipped theirs.   Even Jack looked pleased and he wasn't really a tea guy.  "I've posted a rules sign off the transporter," he told Daniel.

"I saw.  It's a good idea."  He patted on his arm.  "Good job."

"Thank you."

The councilor looked around then at him.  "There are smaller ones?"

"Some families had their own.  I have taken over one shamelessly to help me with my PT," Xander admitted with a smile.  "It's got a pool big enough to swim in."

"You were injured that badly?"

"Yes, during that fight.  He nearly severed my right leg at the hip."

"Oh, dear.  They said you were injured."  Xander nodded.  "They said it took a day to clean up the blood and things."

"Sorry," Xander said quietly.  "I wasn't about to let him kill humanity."

"No, I agree.  Thank you."  He sipped and looked around again.  "This is a horticulturist's dream."

"Thank you.  Doctor Cutler in Botany helped me with some of the earth plants.  Her mother's a huge person in a garden club and knows more about exotic plants than she does.  She knows the how and why, her mother knows the pretty."  That got a smile and a nod.  They heard a splash and looked back.  One of the upper fish had jumped out and was swimming around the next pool down.  Then it jumped to the bottom tank of fish.  Where it became food.  "That's nice of it.  We won't have to sacrifice any hotdogs tonight."  Jack choked, laughing and shaking his head.  "The cooks agreed to give them about four a day.  There's fifteen fish in there.  Fifteen was an important number to them for social things."

Rodney nodded.  "I haven't noticed many other instances of numerology but in social matters it was clear they favored a few by the way they built their pods and how they built their homes."

The councilor nodded.  "That's very interesting.  I'm sure the social scientists have written loads of papers."

"Reams," Daniel agreed.  "Which I've went through and weeded out the ones that actually made sense."

"I did not pick that corner of the sciences," Rodney admitted.  "Elizabeth did.  That was her area, not mine."

"I remember, Rodney."  He smiled and took another cook to nibble while he relaxed.  "A few of them don't live up to expectations but they're diplomats, not social scientists really.  So that's reasonable for their skill level."  He ate another bite, looking at it.  "Gingerbread?"

"Yup," Xander said with a grin.  "They decided it went well with the tea."

The councilor took one to nibble, nodding.  "It does compliment the flavor quite well."  He finished his tea and then went to look around some more.  "Why peanuts?"

"They're a hardy plant that doesn't have to be replanted often if you're careful how you unplant the nuts, they have their pretty moments, and they're a snack later on.  You'd have to roast them but they can be eaten in a few months."

"Wonderful.   Less food they have to order."

"Barely.  It's not going to be much but some did get planted in the new garden on the mainland."

"The Athosians are very pleased with it so far," Rodney agreed.  "The botanists have even dragged one of the cooks over to teach them how to can and preserve things in other ways.   With our half, we should have staples for at least a few months."

Daniel smiled.  "That's a good plan," he agreed.  "Anything frivolous and nice?"

"Yes, we did end up planting some more nuts over there," he admitted with a smile.  "Xander had the botany replicator make nut trees and some berry bushes as well.  We'll get half of those."

"Excellent idea," Daniel praised, smiling at Xander.

"I like berries.  And it means that Rodney can eat dessert."

"It does."  He patted him on the arm.  "Good job."  Xander beamed.

"When do they come out?" Jack asked.

"Another month," Rodney said.  "Then they can plant another crop if they want.  I wasn't sure about our timetable so I said I'd have to check before planning that.  I got pouted at because the botanists are excited to get their hands dirty again."

"How big is this farm?" the councilor asked, coming back to sit down again.

"About one hectare," Rodney told him.  "The Athosians watch over it for us and they get half the harvest."  That got a nod and a smile.  "It also showed them some better planting techniques.  It should last them a good, long time and their future offspring can take those skills with them."

"They even went over mediaeval cooking," Xander added with a smile.  "How to preserve things for longer, fruitcakes for preserving cakes."

"That's a wonderful idea," he agreed, happier with that.  "That way they can have it for months instead of a few weeks."  The all nodded, smiling.  "Whose idea?"

"One of Doctor Cutler's minions suggested the farm the day I got Mira.  Mira, Armand, no eating the fish, they'll eat you back," he called.  Xander whistled and they came running.  "Thank you.  It's nice to know you trained them both," he said dryly.

"I'm still working on hers but I was going to teach you those this weekend," Xander said with a grin.  "If you were finally unbusy."

"Thank you."  He petted her while Armand snuggled into Xander's lap.  "The introduction of mediaeval preservation techniques came from one of the cooks."

"Thankfully I did have a few cookbooks," Xander said.

"Your book collection is huge," Jack told him.  Xander grinned at him.  "I had Dawn go get everything of yours in storage to move to somewhere more secure."

"Including the stuff in the apartment?"

"No, that I let her boss handle."  He gave him a look.  Xander smiled sweetly.  "You could auction some of that stuff off."

"I have plans of it.  Most of it was vindictive."

"Good."  He finished his tea, looking around.  "I needed to bring my trunks."

"I have a spare set," Daniel offered.  "You can bum them, Jack."

"Thanks, Danny."  He patted him on the back.  "How many more of these are there, Xander?"

"Two more big ones.  Three smaller ones that're still whole.  Still no real swimming pool for those who would like it."

"Maybe we'll find one," Jack decided.

"Are those the two pets that had someone so stupidly paranoid?" the councilor asked.

"Yes," Xander agreed.  "This is Armand, and that's Mira.  I've had Armand now for centuries.  Literally."

"Oh."  He smiled at them.  "Don't they cause problems?"

"No."

"Jealousy among others?" he asked.

"No," Xander assured him with a smile.  "They suck up to anyone who wants to pet them usually.  Armand's actually identified a nurse who had a pretty severe case of depression and stayed with her until Doctor Keller got her settled in with help for it.  They're also damn helpful on diplomatic missions.  The Genii love to see me with him because it means I'll probably be calm and if there's an attack he'll help."  The councilor gaped.  He smirked.  "I've had Armand through some wars too.  Even if someone didn't like it, Armand and Mira are staying or we'd be leaving since they're bound to us.  And the next idiot who tries to hurt them?  I will get up out of this chair to kick their asses.  Even if I'm not supposed to be walking yet.  Keller will forgive me for it.  She'll probably stitch them up and hand them back."

"She would have handed the last person back but you were in bed with the post-surgical for your appendix," Rodney said.  "They've also been helpful scaring the wraith, and helping people calm down after battles."

Xander nodded.  "They have been.  Armand's also the begging king of the caf.  I've got to break the marines of feeding them."

John smiled.  "They might get mad if you take their spoiling time."

"Maybe but he's going to get fat."  Armand gave him a dirty look.  "You will.  Not like you're chasing people around right now."

Armand sighed and laid down, looking at Mira, who meeped at them all.  They all smiled at the pets.

"They are quite lively," the councilor said.

"The exobiologists on the base measured how smart he was.  They came up fairly high in intelligence and they're empathic as well," Xander said with a smile, petting Armand's back.   "We'll go back to the other lanar later so you can swim and not have to worry about mean fishes trying to nibble on you."

Armand looked up at him and purred then sniffed the others.  He looked at his human then the new person.  He cheeped quizzically.

"This is IOA Councilor Marks," Rodney said.  Both dragons sniffed him and then cheeped at him.  Then they went back to being spoiled.

"I like them more than I do some of the diplomats I've run into," Councilor Marks admitted, petting Mira's head.  She stretched out and he smiled.  "She's very friendly.

"She's sucking up so she can steal your last cookie," Rodney said dryly.

He broke it in half to feed her half, making her a happy dragon.  Armand leaned his head over too.  "Behave," Xander said, feeding him a few bites of his.  Armand settled back looking smug.  Mira growled at him.  "No more," Xander ordered.  They both cuddled in again.  "You two are going to be shocked when we get Dawn and Clover."  They both purred at that.  Mira gave the new guy the pouty look, earning the last half of his cookie. Xander shook his head.

"They learned it off Dawn," Jack said.  Armand pouted at him.  "I don't have any cookies left, Armand."  He climbed over to cuddle him.  "Thanks, dragon."  He petted him, earning some purrs.  "You're better than a dog or a wife any day."

John nodded.  "Less nagging from him."

"Bet me," Rodney said.  "If I'm not doing what she wants she'll come annoy me until I do."

Councilor Marks looked at him. "Were you ignoring her needs?"

"No, she wanted to go eat dinner.  I was busy.  So she sat on my head and chewed on my ear while banging her tail against the other shoulder until I gave up.  That way she could beg.  Anymore I hand her to Miko or Radek if she's in that mood.  They let her go with them and she gets to suck up to whoever will let her.  Then Mira will come back and nag me to come eat in about twenty minutes."  She purred at him then climbed on John to give him attention too.  She sat on his shoulder, nibbled on his ear, and patted down his hair again.  Jack laughed at that.  "She doesn't like his hair."  Armand leaped over and greeted the councilor then climbed up to nip Mira on the neck.  "Hey," Rodney complained.  Mira hissed at him and batted him with the tail.  Then she got down and went to swim in the pool without the mean fishes.  They could chase each other while the humans did strange human things.

Xander shook his head.  "They're like siblings."

"Yes they are," Rodney agreed.  "I'm hoping they can't mate."

"Well, since I probably can't have kids, they'll make interesting grandkids," Xander said, finishing his tea.  He smiled at John.  "She's going to sneak in some night to flatten your hair on you."

"I'm sure she will again.  I woke up a few days ago to her petting me."  Rodney shook his head, groaning some.

Jack smirked.  "Atlantis lets them in rooms?"

"She'll pretty well let them anywhere that's not locked or dangerous," Xander told him.  "She even helps them when they go to fetch people to watch movies with me."  The others laughed at that, nodding some.

"What happens when we have the cities back on earth?" Marks asked.

"Atlantis is going to have her area and Nila's being built a docking station where all those labs will be sitting," Xander told him.  "How is that coming, General?"

"Good.  We have the base constructed and are starting on the bridges and docking stations.  Atlantis is going somewhere in one of the oceans.  We'll have her in US waters but Nila will be in international waters so others don't feel as left out."

"We were thinking," Xander said.  "Someone who knows how dangerous the labs can be should be in charge there," he said.

"We're working on it, Xander.  We're taking Nila's concerns into account and all that.  I know Cam doesn't always understand scientists.  We'll work that out."

"They're going to be doing some fantastic things," Rodney admitted.  Xander grinned.  "I do like Atlantis but Nila has her own charm.  Those labs are going to be the deciding factor really."

"It's going to take years for some other scientists to get up to speed so they can use the labs," Xander pointed out.  "Plus ATA carrier bypasses."

"I hadn't thought about that," Rodney admitted.  "I can start working on that idea.  I'll let Radek figure out what to teach them since he does like teaching you and Faith."  Xander grinned.  "You're right though, they're mostly years behind where we are."  He looked at Jack.

"I've agreed to start releasing the stuff working up to everything, that way they're not shocked and horrified.  That should ease it some," Jack said.  "I still need information on what's coming out."

Councilor Marks coughed.  "Shouldn't we be approving that on the council?"

"No," Jack said.  He looked at him.  "You guys have refused to let anyone publish anything that might lead this way and there's people who are already getting paranoid about what we'll bring out."

"I've always went on the prime directive," Xander told him.  "Too much too fast is bad but nothing is going to make fundies scream in horror and other scientists feel obsolete when it's suddenly outed by a problem.  We need to get something out there so they don't have to catch up to eons of information."

"I can see that," Marks agreed cautiously.  "But if we release too much, we're going to end up outing the project."

Xander stared at him.  "I think humanity's ready to hear some of it.  Like that there's some that're friendly and some that aren't."

"They can't be," he said firmly.

"You mean you managed to fully hide all the stuff that's happened in England for the last few years?"

"Well, no."

"UNIT isn't known about?" Xander pressed.

"No, they're not fully known about but some do."

"Do you think that the current people in Rodney's field are ready to hear that there's bigger and badder science that they've only dreamed of in geek wet dreams, but they're decades behind?"

"Oh, I see."

"Yeah," Xander agreed.  "So they need to get *something* out there to build upon when it comes time to introduce them.  Because we won't be keeping the labs as SG only, right?"

"No, we won't be," he realized.  "So we will need to be hiring from multi-country forces for lab personnel."

"No, you need to take applications," Rodney corrected.  "Most of them will want to be in on the new things.  Even if it will bring them back to basically intern level.  We've done things that most scientists can't even have wet dreams about.  Including that new power source."

"Which we do need to camouflage the hum on," Jack told him.

"We do," Xander agreed.  "Even the guys on punishment detail are saying that's too mean."

"Why do they talk to you?" Daniel asked.  "I haven't heard any really loud complaints."

"Some of the guys come up to talk to me.  I'm easy to talk to and I've got the ability to see flaws in thought.  Plus they like me more than they do some of the base shrinks."

"That's not a bad thing as long as you're comfortable with it," Daniel told him.

"Most of the time I don't mind."  He looked around.  "Leave those fish alone too," he told the dragons hanging over the edge of the pool to stare at them.  "If you eat even one you have to go collet them with the Genii."  They went back to paddling around.  Jack was snickering.  "They were very helpful," he assured him.

"I heard about that.  No more until you're at least walking."

"Yes, Jack."

"Thank you.  We don't want to upset Keller by making you hurt them more and get injured again."

"I don't want to be either and I did take precautions.   I had guns.  I had Armand.  My chair is more than usually mobile in case the wraith had shown up.  We were less than a mile from the gate.  Evan had his guns.  The Genii were very helpful.  They were respectful, they helped gather the fish and plants."

"I know they were," Jack agreed.  "It was still fairly dangerous.  It's something anthropologists would do," he said with a head-nod at Daniel.  "Which is why I have white hair.  Okay?"

"Yes, Jack."

"Thank you.  Before I go as bald as Hammond was."  Rodney and Daniel smiled at that.  "Okay, we good?"  They all nodded.  "Then let us get back to work.  McKay, the list of things that are being put out?"

"I forwarded my list last week.  Sam doesn't like half of them."

"She is the head of science," Marks pointed out.

"Who is really in a snit that Nila won't accept her sometimes," Xander said dryly.  "Since both AI's are very sentient, more so than some people we've met, we need to take their wishes into account.  Nila?  Atlantis?"  They both appeared. "This is Councilor Marks from the IOA.  These are Atlantis and this is Nila," he introduced.  Both dragons roared.

Nila smiled and waved.  "Good afternoon, Mira and Armand."  Atlantis waved and the dragons went back to playing.  She smiled at the councilor.  "How is my dock coming along?"

"It's going fairly well," Jack told her.  "We have the base built.  We're working on the rest of the base-line structure starting next month."

"Wonderful," she agreed with a beaming smile.  "Rodney, Radek said that the lab is still in one piece and he has suitably yelled at the idiot who decided to do an illegal chemistry experiment on something that he thought was a hallucinogenic.  They're in the infirmary so you can beat them when they come down according to Miko."

"I'm going to beat them all," he assured her.  "How bad?"

"Just him.  They walked in and found him doing it; it was him being startled at being caught that made him slip up.  Though, Radek is going through his notes and wanted to talk to you.  He just bellowed that at Atlantis."

She nodded.  "He does not look happy."

Rodney put back in his earpiece.  "You bellowed?"  He listened.  "Yes, they can.  We're in the public lanar, Radek.  Bring them to me.  High and all.  He can feed the nibbling fish."  He hung up and looked down at the councilor.  "You can take another planted scientist back with you when you go since he was trying to infect the whole lab with it."  He put his earpiece back in his pocket.  "He'll be right up, General."

"Thank you for letting us know there was a problem," Jack said.  They beamed at him.  "Anything else going on I should hear about?"

"Only if you can stop the one who Ronon is yelling at," Atlantis said. Nila looked and giggled, nodding.

"Where?" Xander asked.  He pulled out his comm.  "Ronon?  Problems?"  He listened then swore and stood up with a wince, disappearing.  He leaned on Ronon's shoulder as soon as he landed.  "GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE NOW!" he shouted.  Everyone flinched.  "I WILL COME UP THERE AND FUCK YOUR ASS UP IF YOU DON'T!  NOTICE THE STANDING!"  The guy looked and whimpered, shaking his head.  He pointed.  The guy shook all the way back down.  "What did you do?" he demanded, staring at him.

"He decided to try to hurt Faith and two others," Ronon said quietly.  "You should be sitting."

"I can't kick his ass nearly as well when I'm sitting.  Though it was wise to climb up to somewhere you could jump from for that.  Are they okay?"

"They're fine.  Faith attacked back and drove him off when he found him going after two of the chemists," Ronon said more calmly.

"We're in the public lanar, Ronon."

"Where?"

"Tower 4 on the east, just ask."  He glared at him and he shrank back.  "Any other idiots trying this?"

"They're women, they have to be needy," he complained.  Xander punched him and kept going.

"Whoa!" Evan said, coming out to break it up.  "Xander, chair.  Before you pop something and have to spend the night in the infirmary.  Ronon, take them both there since the General is there."

Ronon nodded.  "Fine."  He dragged the moaning one and helped Xander into the nearest transporter, letting Xander hit the right button.  They landed and he helped steady Xander all the way up to his chair.  He handed the idiot to the general.  "He decided the women were lonely against their wills.  Faith had to beat him off when he tried it on her then on some others.  Xander kicked his ass for that after getting him off a high spot he was going to jump from."

"Good!"  He glared at the pitiful being.  "I'll make sure he goes back in chains, Ronon.  Ronon, this is Councilor Marks of the IOA."

He nodded at him.  "Are you as uptight and political as Woolsey started out being?"  Both dragons came running over and climbed up him.  "You're both wet," he complained, but he was smiling.   They nestled under his hair.  "Spoiled."  He walked off, taking them back to the command center and Evan.  Who smiled at them since Faith took Mira to cuddle.  "The general said he'll be going in chains."

"I can send MP's up there to wait on him," Evan promised.  "Xander okay?"

"Shaky but moving slightly better today."

"Good."  He smiled at Faith.  "Want to make a formal complaint to the general or to me?"

"Can I go kick his ass?"

"Sure," he agreed.  He led her up there.  "General, she wanted to make a formal report."

"He touch you or just try?" Jack asked.

"Tried really hard.  Only got one pinch in and I smacked him so he started on the other ladies who didn't want him.  He tried to grope one of them so I kicked him out of the lab and made his ass run," she said bluntly.

"I kicked his ass again," Xander told her.

She beamed.  "I like that about you, X."  She handed Mira back, but the dragon crawled back up her and nuzzled with a purr.  "Okay, sure, I'll pet you.  You're good to help me calm down, Mira."  She walked off.  "General, there's two MP's waiting on him out here," she said when she spotted them.

"Boys, cuff him," he called.  They came in to cuff him and walked him off to sit semi-quietly in a corner.

"Thank you," Daniel said.  "We have that other one too if you want him."

"Please.  How many more plants are there up here to cause problems?"

Xander did something and looked at the image in the air.  "Four.  Three are in labs right now and one's in my office."  He did something and they were sorry now.  He marked the other three then erased it and smiled.  "They're going to be easily found.  Especially the one that was in my office."  Marks was staring at him.  Xander stared back.  "I'm from Sunnydale."

"I heard about that stuff from Travers," he admitted quietly.

"I really still want to kill Travers for setting a price on my head.  Then he tried to fuck with me.   Hopefully he's learning his lesson in jail?"

"He's still awaiting trial but he is very sorry.  They've even confiscated his bank accounts."

"Yay.  It should go to the girls."  Marks swallowed.  "Yeah, I backed her up before all this."  He smirked.  "That's why I'm such a stubborn bastard."

"That's good to know," he agreed.  "Are you sure you won't talk to anyone about the awards they want to give you?"

"No.  I don't want awards, medals, being well known, none of it.  If anyone's trying, you can tell them I have a paranoia about my personal life being well known.  That I'd consider it an insult to those who lost their lives in the battle and me to be awarded for that."  He stared him down.  "I'm not the average guy and I can go hide somewhere they've never heard of me."

"The whole world saw that battle."

"I can hide on another planet," he pointed out dryly.  "Plant a huge garden, move all my books, kidnap a boyfriend or two...."  The man swallowed.  "Got it?"  He nodded.  "Jack?"

"I've pointed that out, Xander.  They say it might help enrollment in militaries around the world."

"I'm still bi and they hate us," Xander said dryly.  "Beyond that, I don't want to be known.  I don't want to be used, and if someone wants to give me a medal, they can shove it.  You know I'm paranoid about my private life."

"I know.  I've told the president that.  He's disgruntled."

"I can pop in if you think it'll help."

"Please don't.  He's just started a new rotation of guards."

"He'd have to expand the open area in front of his desk for your chair anyway," Daniel said.

Xander stared at him.  "Maybe I can use a walker...." he sighed.

"Call," Jack ordered.  Xander summoned his cellphone to him.  He found the phone number and handed it to Jack.  "Sir, General O'Neill.  I'm talking with Harris.  Yes, that Harris.  No, this is his cellphone.  No, sir, he's pissed about any attempt to reward, award, or medal him for that battle.  He's very paranoid about his personal life and safety.  Sir, he's just threatened to leave and go to a nice beach he knows.  Not in the pegasus galaxy but somewhere he knows, where he can sit on the beach and read all day."

"The sand's so soft and white, the water's wonderful.  He can ask Owen over in Torchwood about it," Xander said dryly.

"Xander said he's taken Owen from Torchwood to it if you need a description."  He listened.  "He said he's heard Harkness talk about it recently.  That he stuck up for you being left alone because you're a private guy and you'd hate it."

"He's right and I will."

Jack listened.  "Sir, that would be hard since he's not going to hide he's bi and presently dating a male."   He smirked at Xander.  "He hates that."

"Ask me if I give a damn," Xander said dryly.  "I told you I'm not going to hide who I am anymore.  Never again."  Jack listened and groaned.  Xander smiled at Daniel.  "Let me participate...."  He and his chair disappeared and reappeared down there.  "You rang?" he asked dryly, freezing both guards.  "I'm too tired to talk them down today.  Hi," he told the guard running in.  "Sit down and shut up.  You can be a witness later if I have to sue."  The guard gaped in horror at him.  "Yeah, it's me again."

"They're...."

"Frozen.  Until I feel like them moving."  He looked at the president, who was gaping in horror at him.  "What?  You thought I could only get from Colorado?  I've been around the universe a few times.  For that matter I've been forward and backward in time."  He stared him down.  "No, I won't be your poster boy.  I will not do interviews, I will not accept any credit or any notoriety for anything that may have happened that day."

"I can make sure you will," he said firmly.  "You're a good inducement to join the military, Mr. Harris."

Xander snickered.  "Really?  Would that be because I violate Don't Ask, Don't Tell every day?  My stunning 1.3 GPA when I graduated?  The fact that I killed unnatural beings for years before all that traveling?  Which one do you think makes me a good poster boy?"  The president gaped in horror.  "I don't care who wants what.  I do what I have to do."  More guards came rushing in.  "SIT!" he snapped and most of them did.  Two pulled guns and the other one waved them down.  "Good job," he told the guy he knew.  "Do you have any idea why I'd be a good role model for future soldiers?  I'm fairly certain you've done a background check by now."

"No.  I don't.  Frankly, I'm shocked you managed to graduate."  He moved closer.  "Injured during the fight?"

"Yeah.  It nearly severed my hip joint from the front."  He shrugged.  "It happens sometimes.  I've expected to die since I was sixteen."  He looked at the president then at him.  "Can you please brief your boss so he leaves me the hell alone before I take everything and go somewhere or somewhen else?"

"Sir, he's a knight but he's got drunk parents, a very bad scholastic record, more lovers than Harkness at Torchwood is supposed to have had, and he slept with an ancient gou'ald at one time."

"I didn't know he was snaked.  When I found out, well...  It was nice he ran from the hand grenade I had with me."  The president swallowed.  "The last time I ran into him I nearly fired on his balls for wanting me back."  He stared at him.  "I have slept with more powerful people than you.  An emperor of Rome comes to mind."  The president shuddered.  "So I'm not an innocent at these games you're trying to play.  I'm just bored with them.  But I also know that you trying things against me, even though I am all but conscripted, means I get to sue.  A lot.  And out the program, the IOA, and all that."  The president shook his head.  "Oh, yeah, I can."

"We can have you hidden in the CIA," he offered.

"You can't move me from the SG system because I'm signed up with them and I'd destroy anyone else from the inside."  He smiled sweetly.  "I'm not exactly pleased.  My healing doesn't need this stress."

"I can have you recalled to earth."

"You can try," Xander corrected.  "You won't manage it.  Because I'll just bring Nila down now."  He groaned.  "I'm not the bitch of this incident.  I'm not going to talk to anyone.  I'm not going to do anything you want.  So just give the fuck up."

He cleared his throat.  "You will or I'll confiscate what you have in storage and your bank accounts.  As you said you are basically conscripted."

Xander stared at him.  Then he smirked.  "Sure, let me go do an interview and out every last little thing I know," he sneered.  "Like your so-called moral friends?  And their boyfriends."  The president groaned.  "I am vindictive.  If you force me, I'll have a grand old time."

"You're prevented by contract."

"My contract also said that Jack and the SG base cannot confiscate anything that I own."

"You're a national asset," he said firmly.  "And a world one too.  UNIT named you that."

"I don't care what UNIT said and I can easily go make my own country."

"Not while we have your money," the president countered.

"Sir," the rational guard said.  "He's known to create and bring weapons everywhere.  We can't find them all even if we did a body cavity search.  Can you maybe quit pissing off the person who could create a space ship to redo the scene in Independence Day?"

The president stared at him.  "How dare you!"

"Fuck off," Xander said bluntly.  "He's right, I could.  I might need some help with some of the engineering specs, but hey, I'm dating a physicist.  Who is a political refugee."  The president whined.  "Jack would not like that though, either one.  So your choice is for me to be forced to do things to make your little plot obsolete or you can actually quit trying to screw with me before I out everything you want to hold secret for another ten years."

"You can't."

"I can so.  I can go on tv and do it today."

"I'll have them rescue your funds."

Xander stared at him.  "That's not making me want to cooperate.  That's making me want to plot.  Or possibly go back and make sure you didn't get elected."  A notecard popped in and he smiled.  "Jack and Dawn don't like that idea.  Pity."  He put it beside him, staring at the guy.  "I'm not the one you fuck with without consequences."

"I'm already on my way out," he said smugly.

"Really?  And you think all those people in Congress who know are?"  He went pale.  "Or all those nice people who are a bit fanatical about aliens aren't going to be happy?"  Jack and Rodney appeared.  "Hey."

"Stand down," Jack ordered.

"Fuck off, Jack.  He's saying he confiscated my stuff."

"Over his deleted body," Rodney said dryly.  "I can atomize you.  It's not that hard."  He looked at Xander.  "I hate your bracelet."

"Why are you using mine?"

"Mine needs another power chip."  He handed it over.  "Keller is fussing that you stood."

"Yay."

"Calm down," Jack ordered more firmly.  He stared at him.

"Jack, if he tries to force me, oh well.  I'll out every damn last thing.  I'm not going to be backed into a corner.  At all."

"I agree," he said.  "And the outing.  I'd do the same."  He looked at the president.  "Sir, please quit threatening him.  He's going to react and it won't be pretty."

"What?  He has an axe on him?" he sneered.

Xander took off his necklace to look at the shrunken weapons.  "No, the closest I have right now is a sword.  The other seven are artillery."  He put it back on and the president whimpered.  "I even wear it to bed in case of an attack."

"He does, his boyfriend complained about that once.  Got tangled in his dog tags."

"Really?  He never told me that."  Xander pouted.  "I'll have to ask."

"I want you on this planet," he said firmly, pounding a fist on his desk.

"Even if I am, I won't be here.  I've had enough.  I'll be in Cardiff."

"No, you'll be where we need you."

"No, I won't," Xander assured him.  "At all.  Ever.  For all I care, I don't care."  He shrugged.   The guards all moaned.  "Have fun with that, guys.  I'm done with my major battles this year outside of the two problems our base has."

"Xander," Jack sighed.

"I don't care!  I'm not going to be pushed into shit.  I'm not going to be backed into a corner.  And I'm sure as hell not going to let him confiscate anything of mine.  Or else I'll go make a shitload of money really fast selling slightly advanced weapons like I'd give you guys.  I wouldn't care.  I'd be a bit pissed at that time too."  He stared at Jack.  "I.  Am.  Not.  The.  Bitch.  To.  Fuck.  With," he said slowly and clearly, staring at him.

"No, you're not.  I've learned that.  Landry's learned that.  I agree, you should not be doing anything like that because we don't want you exposed or your traveling."  The president sighed, shaking his head.  "Or Sunnydale.  Or anything like that."

Xander nodded.  "And I'm not exactly the greatest role model either."  He smirked.  "Bad grades.  Bad attendance record, violence issues.....  Yeah, that's just what we want little Billy and Suzy to aspire to, right?"

"No offense, kid, but if my son was still around, I wouldn't want you two hanging.  You are a bad influence."  Xander smiled sweetly.  "You might teach him to use a sword or something."  Xander snickered.  "Just calm down.  Please?"

"Make him stop and I will."

"Sir," Jack said.  "I'm not going to lose our second-best linguist and diplomat, plus problem solver, because you're pushing him into a corner.  He can make a home in nearly any galaxy out there and bring people like McKay with him."

"He's under contract," the president said, smirking at him.

"Yes, sir, and it ran out three weeks ago," he said bluntly.  The president gave him the most horrified look.  "Which means you've illegally confiscated his things in storage and his bank accounts.  Sir, he's very vindictive and he's in pain.  Do you really want to push him?"

"Why can't he do just one phone interview?  It'll make us look good."

"Why would I want to make you look good?" Xander asked.  The president growled and started to stand.  "You're trying to force me into doing something I equate with personal space rape.  No, I don't want to do an interview, I won't accept an award, and I'll find a lawyer today since I apparently need one.  I did save the life of one a few years back... maybe him."

"One and it can be done by phone," he said firmly.

"So I can talk about my boyfriends?  And the projects?"  He stared at him.  The man growled.  Xander snarled.  "I am a pack alpha, sir.  I bite."  He backed off.  Rodney petted him.  "I find this whole topic distasteful.  So I guess I'll be going to them to talk about this instead.  Rodney, where did you want to start with the new technology leaks?"

"Not yet.  Give me a few more days."  He tried to calm Xander down.  "Just calm down."

"No.  I'm sorry, I'm paranoid about my personal space after Sunnydale.  There's no way in hell."

"I'll release them all if he agrees to do one phone interview this week.  Otherwise I'll have him charged for appearing in here.  That would be against the law, Mr. Harris."

Xander nodded.  "Probably.  But then again I don't need technology to go somewhere and we needed to have this conversation in private instead of over the cellphone I have that can reach Atlantis."  The president went pale.  "So yeah, jail, probably not going to be there too long."  He stared at him.

"You do that and we'd have to take you off the city," Jack pointed out.

Xander looked at him.  "Fine, I'll pack."

"No, don't pack," Jack sighed.  "Kid, we want you.  I want you on the city.  Safely away from all this crap."

"Please make it so then.  Because all I'm seeing is the crap."

"I know.  Just calm down."  He looked at the president.  "Would you please get the legal counsel in here?" he asked one of the guards, who called for him.  "Thank you.  I promise he won't hurt anyone."

"Touch me and I'll bite though," Xander offered.  He looked at Rodney.  "You're petting me like you would Mira."

"You need the calming down.  If I had thought I would've brought them."

"Probably not a good idea, they'd react to how pissed he is," Jack told him.

"Probably."

The legal counsel for the white house walked in.  "General O'Neill.  What's wrong.  And you're the guy from the video," he realized.

"He illegally confiscated my money and things."  He smiled sweetly.  "They're trying to force me to be their poster boy."

"Okay," he sighed.  "Sir, you can't confiscate anything of his."

"He earned it while in service."

"No, I earned it because I sold some stuff I found while traveling," Xander said dryly.  "I don't think I make a paycheck at the SG base.  If I do, I haven't seen one since my first month."

"Oh."  He looked at Jack.  "Maybe he should transfer."

"Sure, I'll go to Torchwood today," Xander said firmly.  The president flinched at that.  "Don't fuck with the general either."

"Calm down please," the counselor said.  He looked at his boss.  "Sir, that's illegal and he can sue us."

"And until then I can go make weapons and sell them, right?" Xander asked.

"Yes, you probably could, but that would be dangerous."  Xander shrugged.  The man moaned.  "Oh.  You don't like the US?"

"I don't really care about the US anymore.  Because of this shit."  He smirked.  "He sneered the first time I met him.  I didn't vote for the man and I think the last guy would've been a better choice to clone.  So no, I'm not real fond of this problem of his.  The last time I outed a senator's mistress."

"Oh, dear.  That was you?"  Xander smiled sweetly.  "Just stay calm for a minute, please, sir?"  He looked at his boss.  "Sir, if you make him go to the press, he's going to destroy a great many reputations beyond the ability to repair.  We'll never get candidates again," he said quietly.  "The whole party may go down.  You know they hate O'Neill anyway."

Xander looked at Jack.  "Any names that've been annoying?"

"Not recently.  Stay calm."  Xander stared at him.  "Really," he said firmly.

"I am calm."  He grinned.

"Okay, calm and less plotting."

"Probably not."  He looked at Rodney.  Then at the president who was watching him.  "What?"

"He's petting you."

"Yes, he's trying to keep me calmer too.  He's doing what would work on his dragon."

The president whimpered.  "Dragon?"

"Yes, Mira."

"Oh."  He looked at his counsel.  "He's saying he can sue us."

"Yes, sir, he can and he'll start on an interview that you don't want him to make."

"I don't really want that sort of personal space rape," Xander said bluntly.  "That's what this fight is about."

The lawyer nodded.  "I can understand that."  He looked at his boss, walking him off to talk to him quietly.  He came back to look at him.  "He will release everything back to you but he does want you to either accept an award...."

"Hell no.  I don't want awards and I don't want medals.  That's not why I stepped in."

"No, I know it's not.  What about a single interview where you say that."

"I'm going to out everything he holds sacred and Jack does too," he said bluntly.  "I don't want attention."

The lawyer sighed, looking at the general.  "Would that really be bad?"

"Yes."

"Oh."  He looked at the president, walking back over there to talk to him then coming back.  "I realize you don't want to be well known.  You can use it to ask for privacy.  You can point out that you did what was necessary.  That you're not the sort of man who does that.  We can arrange it for today even.  I'm sure the press secretary could do that."

"I'm not going to go on 20/20 for anyone," he said bluntly.  "Even if I was in the mood to capitulate, which I'm not, I'd be picking who I went on."

"I can understand that.  As long as they were a legitimate news source.  After all, outing wouldn't work too well anywhere else."

Xander snorted.  "Really?"  He looked at Jack, who was giving the president a look.  "I swear to god that's a bad look."

"He's going to try to cut the program."

"Hmm."  The president looked smug.  "Then again, outing it would solve that, right?"

"Might make us look insane," Jack said.

Xander smirked.  "Really?  With all the attacks England's had?  People are wondering why the US doesn't have a group."

"Oh."  He winced.  "True.  Those sort are fanatics though."

"Yay."

"Good point."  He walked the boy off to talk to him.  "It sucks."

"I'm not happy."

"I'm not happy," Jack agreed.  "But we have to do something, Xander.  And your anger is going to get you arrested and sent to Gitmo."  Xander stared at him.  "Really."

"They're going to try more shit if I give in."

"No they won't."

"Yeah they will.  They have before."

"So out all their dirty laundry," he hissed.  "That's fine.  Let us out the project."  Xander stared him down.  "I don't want to ask, kid.  You know that.  Hell they didn't even catch a good look at you.  Just a side shot and a shot where your face was turned away.  Just compromise and plot behind their backs.  Please?"

Xander stared at him.  "I want every little thing I had back, Jack, and since you didn't move them all....."

"Not a problem, kid."

"Really?"

"Really.  We're still paying the rent on them for right now, until you can check them.  Dawn said she couldn't be sure that you couldn't hide things from her."

"This sucks badly."

"I know and I'm burning my credit with you.  But he's already hinted he wanted to cut the program and this will get him to do it."

"I'm still going to make his life fucking miserable."

"Go for it.  He brought it on himself," he said, looking back there then at him.  "One phone interview.  Short, to the point, tell them to leave you alone because you did what you had to do."

Xander stared.  "Not with their people.  I'll be damned if I'm going to face down one of their plants ever again."

"Agreed."

"No more IOA hiring people either."

"If I can."

"They can."

"True, they could force that."

"Or I move and there's a good chance I can get Nila to go with me."  Jack moaned.  "I'm not going to be used, Jack.  At all.  Ever."

"I agree.  You shouldn't, but this time it'll save a lot of problems and you not having an arrest record."

"I already have an arrest record from when I was on my road trip."

"I saw."  He stared at him.  "Please?"

Xander sighed.  "I hate you.  I absolutely loathe you and this country right now.  I don't care if they go to hell or not."

"I know.  It's going to take a while before you change that feeling."  He sighed.  "Over a barrel here, Xander."

Xander stared at him.  "I pick, because I'll be damned."

"Agreed."  He backed off.  "He said he'll do one he picks, one phone interview, if everything is released today, the IOA quits hiring plants to try to kill people, and he can switch to Canadian citizenship.  Because he hates this administration that much."

The president winced.  "That'll look bad."

Xander stared at him.  "So?"

"I could make things less comfortable for him."

"And I can still out the program and all that.   Plus half the dirty laundry in this place."  The Councilor winced at that.  "I truly do not care if the next apocalypse is won at this moment.  Which is sad since I've bee in every single one but one since I was sixteen."  The president shifted in his seat.  He wasn't looking so smug now.  "For that matter, I probably won't be stepping into most of them and since I heard one of them is going to start with an invasion from a demon plane....  Oh well.  You'd better hope your military is that good.  Which they might not be."

"We would like help with that," one of the guards said.

Xander shrugged.  "I don't care.  I'm hating this country more and more at the moment."  He looked at the president again.  "For that matter, I'm not going to let your person set up jack shit.  I don't trust you people.  Any of your people.  Including O'Neill.  So no, I don't really care.  My things will be back by tonight or the deal's rescinded.  Period.  I'll go on GMA the next day, do that one interview, and out where I've been for the last year.  After all, have pictures.  Have proof.  Can make futuristic things to prove it.  And hey, have film of the assault over the Antarctic.  Have since it happened.  We wanted to make sure it wasn't a demon invasion then."

"Oh, god," Jack muttered.  "Willow?"

"No.  Me.  It wasn't that hard to find for about the next five days, Jack."  He looked at him.  "I don't care anymore.  At all.  You can all die for all I care at this moment.  The mountain can clear itself to the alpha site."  He looked at Rodney.  "Think I'd like Canada?"

"I do sometimes.  Become a British citizen."

"I'd have to deal with the rest of the council."

"Good point.  But they're in deep as well.  Especially over their treatment of the girls.  We've been keeping that from Faith so they couldn't hurt her."

"Thank you."  He looked at the president.  "You've burned your last bridge with me.  I don't care what happens."

"You won't let one go by," he said bluntly.  "Your personality won't let you."

"I went to the program because I had battle fatigue so bad I was burnt to a crisp.  What makes you think that's changed?"  The president moaned.  The guards swallowed.  "I don't care.  I've fought battles for them and didn't care.  I'm sure as hell not going to force my ass off my couch to go fight one for you people.  Not in Sunnydale or anywhere else.  Your military had better be on its toes because Sunnydale can fall within an hour and then overrun the US within three days.  Half of them can create demon viruses and things.  Your only protection is the guys Jack sent and Buffy.  One very tired slayer.  And ya know what, the next one that got called, she's already fallen.  The other one is in Cuba."  He smirked.  "Good luck on that."  He disappeared.  Rodney could keep his bracelet.  He went to seethe.  He locked everyone out of his lanar and seethed by himself.

Rodney looked at Jack.  "He's not going to help anyone.  I'll see what I can do about demon behavior modeling for those incidences so you can train people."

"I can agree with that," Jack said.  "Thank you, sir, for making sure I lost one of my best assets too.  We'll be stuck when the Ori come or when the wraith make it here.  Congratulations."

"He wouldn't."

"He would.  I would.  McKay would."  Rodney nodded.

"He's overreacting!  It's not like it's such a hardship!"

"Some people don't want attention," Jack said firmly.  "He didn't want the medals he's already gotten.  They're attached respectfully to a pair of socks in a drawer."  The president slumped.  "He's going to leave the project and leave us stuck.  So good luck when they show up.  We'll be lucky to evacuate half the people to the alpha site.  Much less than half the people we'd need to."  He walked off with Rodney.  "Let's go."  Rodney put back on the bracelet and touched him on the shoulder, taking him back.  They landed in the lanar.  "Where's the kid?"

"Sulking," John said quietly.

"No, he's very pissed and he just told them to handle their own apocalypses," Rodney said.  "He's very upset."

"He's in his lanar," Nila said.  She appeared.  "He's not happy.  His body is all over the place and I can't help him.  I don't know what to do."

"Let him seethe," Jack sighed.  "There's nothing we can do to calm him down.  The higher ups decided to try to use him.  We're going to be very lucky if he doesn't leave the project and the US, just hide from all of us."

Nila pouted.  "Why would he do that?"

"Because the president's a using ass," Rodney said bluntly.  "One of the few who hasn't wanted the boy as his own.  This time he wants him as his vision of what the US should be."  He sneered.  "Why can't I hit him?"

"Because you throw a really weak punch," John said dryly.  "I've got to work on that with you."  He finished his current cup of tea.  "So, are we losing him to the universe?"

"I don't know," Jack admitted.  "The idiot confiscated his things too.  Forcing him to do an interview.  The kid put it bluntly that I've lost all respect with him too."

John nodded.  "Rodney, tell Evan to go calm him down."

"Xander would want to be alone.  He'd rather not vent on others."

"So?"

"He did ask me politely to go away because I didn't need to hear what he was going to start screaming soon," Nila said quietly.  She was all but wringing her hands.  "I don't know how to make him feel better."

"Right now there's nothing anyone can do until he calms down," Jack told her.  "I wish there was."  He looked around.  "Marks and the prisoner?"

"Left," John said.  "Well, I guess this is a fitting good bye to all of us."  He looked around the room then sighed.  "Evan Lorne," he said, touching his comm earpiece.  He got connected.  "Evan, Xander's seething in his lanar.  No, the president screwed him over a barrel.  We're not sure he's not packing, Evan, so he's going to be pissed for days.  Yes, I do believe that is your job as his boyfriend.  No, just get him calm and let him make his own choice, Evan.  If he can't stand us because of the president so be it.  We'll miss him but I can't do that to anyone."  He hung up.

Rodney called Radek.  "Xander's back and he's so angry he's going to kill someone," he said bluntly.  "His lanar.  Let him rant and rave, Radek.  It's up to him to make any decisions for right now and he's probably about ready to cry."  He hung up.  He looked up.  "Atlantis, can I please have the bottle from my desk?" he called.  She beamed it to him and he poured them a drink and gulped his, getting a second.  "Today's been a shitty day."

"Yes it has," John agreed.

"He did ask if he'd like being Canadian."

"You tell him they try to pull the same crap on you?" John asked.

"No."  He poured Jack another one.  "Don't fall in the pool."  He put the bottle down and sipped his second one.  They'd let the others in later tonight.  After they had heard what Xander was going to do.  Because it would hurt to lose him.

***

Evan pushed on the bell but there wasn't an answer.  He saw Radek come off the transporter and pointed.  "He's locked it."

"Hmm.  Nila?" he asked quietly.  "We'd like to help him calm down."

She appeared.  "Xander said he wanted to be left alone, even from you two and me for right now."

"Xander doesn't make decisions on Atlantis, John and Rodney do," Radek reminded her.  She beamed and opened the door then relocked it once they were inside.  She 'saw' Radek fixing the lock so it couldn't be opened by anyone for a bit then left them alone.  They would make Xander feel better.

Xander looked up.  "I wanted to be alone."

"That's not going to happen," Evan sighed, sitting in front of him.  "What happened?"  Xander snapped out the whole situation.  Radek groaned, sitting next to him on the lounging couch.  "So?"

"I so hate the country and all of them."

"So destroy them," Radek said.  "I did when I left."  Xander shook his head, rolling off.  Radek and Evan waited.  He'd come back soon.  "We are here to help you, Xander.  Not them."

Xander looked at them, turning the chair around.  "I'm not going to ask either of you to give up your lives, Radek."  He rolled off again.

Evan looked at his buddy then at Xander.  He sighed.  "You wouldn't have to ask," he called.  "That's our decision to make if you're leaving."  Xander stared at him, looking confused.  "That's what boyfriends do, Xander."

"How would I know?"

"I know.  Come cuddle?"

"No.  Not yet."

"Okay.  Go swim?"

"Keller will have my ass."

"Fuck her," Radek pointed out.  "You need it and your body won't let you hurt it too much."  Xander slumped, shaking his head.  He got up and walked over, taking him to the pool.  "Swim.  It's like pacing since you can't."  He stared down at him.  "Neither of us like what they've made you do."  He sat down again.  "We will be here waiting for when you want to talk.  Or cuddle."

Xander shrugged but decided maybe he was right.  Though he'd rather have the ocean right now.  Maybe an endurance swim....

"Don't even think about it," Evan ordered dryly.  "You're in no shape to go all the way to the mainland.  You can do that many miles here in the pool though.  That way nothing can hurt your leg without us finding it."  Xander slumped.  "I know, you'd probably rather go get into a fight."

"Yup."

"Once you can walk you can do that.  For right now, come talk or go swim.  That way you can work these things out."

"Why do you guys want to hear this?" he asked.

"That's what boyfriends do," Radek reminded him.  "They talk to each other and help them work out problems or plot revenge."

"Do you think I could become Canadian?  They seem nicer."

"They do try to get Rodney to do things for them now and then," Radek offered.  "England would do the same.  I know of no country that wouldn't crow over having you right now."  Xander slumped more.  "Which is why it is better if you stay up here."

"I...."

"We're not part of that, Xander.  We like you for the goofy, spoiling, loveable guy you are up here," Evan pointed out.  "Even the Marines like you when you kick their asses."  Xander looked at him.  "C'mere?"

"I'll struggle."

"I know."  Xander rolled back over and they got him comfortable, cuddling around him.  Xander went limp, trying to relax.  Radek petted his back, Evan let himself be held for now.  When Xander got too restless, he went to the pool.  He made himself walk it too.  "Good job," Evan called.  Xander smiled slightly at that.  "Weeks ahead of where you should be, Xander."  Someone pressed on the entrance bell.  "NO!" he shouted.  "NOT RIGHT NOW!"

Atlantis appeared.  "It is Doctor Keller."

"Tell her we're taking care of him and he's fine."  She disappeared and came back with three things.  "What're these?"

"Two doses of pain killer and something to help when he has nightmares," she said, putting them down.  "She's went back to the infirmary to swear at people like Doctor McKay does his minions."  Radek smiled at that.  "He does call you such."

"Rodney thinks anyone less than his own genius is a moron," he agreed.  "Some days I agree about some of our people."  He went to the side of the pool and stripped, sliding in to sit and watch.  Xander gave him a curious look.  "I'm lifeguarding and appreciating the art of your body in the water."  Xander blushed, shaking his head.  "Is truth.  Not meant to help anger."  Xander stopped swimming to stare at him.  "No one told you that before?"

"No," he said quietly.

"You are."  He pulled him over to kiss.  "Swim some more.  I will watch and she sent painkillers for when you need it."  Xander nodded, going back to swimming.  Evan sat beside him and it was nice.  He flicked the tags.  "Those will rust."

"Yeah."  He took them off and put them aside.  Xander looked up at the noise.  "Taking off the tags."

"Why?"

"Because they're not important right now."  Xander sniffled but let them cuddle again.  It was longer this time.

***

John walked into Xander's office the next morning.  No trio.  Not in his rooms either.  He went to the lanar, finding it still locked.  "Atlantis?" he asked quietly.

"They will be up soon," she promised, appearing beside him.  "Xander is still upset by his body signals."

"I would be too."  Rodney came off the transporter with food for all five of them.  "Can we?"  She nodded and let them in.  She could override what Radek had done but Rodney refixed it.  She smiled and went to open the other one for anyone who wanted to play today.  Both dragons were with Ronon and Teyla, sucking up to her.  "Xander is barely up," she told them.  "John and Rodney are with them."

"It's better if children don't see their parents fighting," Ronon said.  "Is he okay?"

"He's still very upset."

"What happened?" Teyla asked.

"John said their leader decided to try to use Xander like Landry did, only without the sex.  Just to show him off like a prized possession."

"That is not good for him," she pointed out.

"Which is why he was seething when he reappeared," Atlantis agreed.  "It took hours for them to do more than momentarily hold him."  She left.  She had other things she had to watch.  Like the lab.  She shut down a few of them on the idiots in there.  Rodney would not be pleased with what they were doing.  Miko hadn't come in yet either so she'd leave them swearing until Miko could do it at them.

***

Rodney set the food on the table and looked at the trio.  He walked over and covered them, which woke Evan.  He nodded at the table, getting a grimace back.  "Breakfast."  He walked over to hand out plates and sat down again.  Xander moaned as he shifted.

"Shhh," Radek soothed, stroking his bad hip.  "It's all right."  He helped him onto his back, even though it was a bit cramped.  "Evan, the painkiller?"

"I'm good," Xander complained.

"You are not.  You are still tired and sore," Radek countered.  Xander took the pill with a grimace but it let him move more comfortably.  They got him up and into the chair.

"We don't care if you three eat naked," John assured him.  "It's your private room.  We're just invading for breakfast and to make sure you're all okay."

"He go back?" Xander asked dryly.

"No, he's hanging out with Jackson moaning about having to do it to protect the program."  Xander groaned.  They got him settled at the table and John handed over the soda.   Xander gave him a weak smile and sipped it.  "Whatever you decide is right for you three, Xander.  We're not going to be pushy.  We like you for the guy you are."

"If I don't they'll keep everything I have."

"Then you sue them," Rodney pointed out.  "Your contract is up."

"It is?" Evan asked.  Rodney nodded.

"Three weeks ago," Xander agreed.

"You should have told us, we would've thrown a party," Radek said.  "Then you could have decided to negotiate for a new one or not."  He stroked his boy's back.  "Eat.  You need to eat."

"I am."

"You're drinking," he corrected, adding eggs to his plate.  Xander smiled at that move.  "Eat.  Please?"

Xander dug in slowly but he did eat.  Evan and Radek ate too.  "Sir," Evan said.

"In here, right now, I'm just a friend, Evan."

"Any new word?"

"Not yet.  The general's called but otherwise no.   He did warn Dawn about this since you're funding her shoe shopping.  She had wondered why her last pair of shoes got declined and she had to pay for it out of her paycheck."  He sipped his coffee and grimaced.  "Eww.  Bottom of the pot."

"Sorry," Rodney said dryly.

"Not a problem."  Xander looked up.  "I've had worse up here.  Root stew, pseudo liver."

"Eww," Xander agreed.  He smiled a little bit.  "So, what's the news going around?"

"None.  No one's heard anything," John admitted.  "A few people have heard from siblings about half of everyone wanting to talk to you.  The general told them that you were a private guy and would decide that sometime later on.  Not right now."  Xander shrugged.  He dug in again.  "Xander, don't do if you don't want to."

"If I don't, I'll have to sue and it'll take years."

"So?" John asked.

"They threatened to cut the project if he didn't," Rodney said quietly.

"That... that...  Radek said something in Czech that Xander countered with something even worse.   "No, I do not believe even a goldfish would want him.  He has less brains.  They would consider him like a blonde."

John choked at that, shaking his head.  "That's really mean, Radek.  Thank you."  The man smirked at him.  He saw both scientists stiffened.  "Problems?"

"Atlantis shut down three labs for them being idiots," Rodney said.  "Thank you, Atlantis.  I'll go beat them severely later."  He dug in again.  "Xander, don't do it if you don't want to.  The program can't fully be cut.  We'll out it and they'll panic.  They'd rather not make UNIT responsible for everyone's safety and they hate Torchwood for having a gay head."

"I'm sure Jack hates them back just as much."

"Probably."  He patted his hand.  "You do what you want to do."

"I'd like to go back and smash the cameras but I don't think I'd be allowed."

"Probably not," John agreed.  "Or Jack would've already done it.  Or Dawn."

"Dawn's not skilled enough to jump time yet," Xander told him.

"She'd steal Jack's band and do it," he said.

"Maybe.  Ianto would probably stop her though.  I don't know how they knew anyway."

"Right as the time stop spell fell, they caught a few pictures before you left," Rodney said, sighing and leaning back at the end.  "The rest UNIT filled in.  They have no idea who you are.  They all know that you don't want noted.  UNIT doesn't want you noted because you're a civilian and they don't want to set a precedent.  Torchwood either."  Xander nodded that was wise.  "But they also can't stop your world leader.  Who is apparently an ass of a higher magnitude than I thought possible."  He sipped his coffee, grimacing.  "They did give me the bottom of the pot, didn't they."

"There's some in my office I was going to give you for your birthday," Xander offered.  Rodney beamed and got Atlantis to bring it and the maker to him.  There was a fountain he could get water from and Xander's machine filtered it.  They sat down with cups of the good stuff a few minutes later.  Xander looked at them.  "I...  I don't know.  I don't want to be noted."

"Definitely tell them that," Rodney told him.  "That you did what you had to do when someone asked you to help them.  That you don't want noted, medaled, or anything; just left alone."  He waved a hand.  "Then you can come back up here and rest from the ordeal."

"I don't want to go down there to do it."

"I agree," he sighed.  "But an interview usually has to be done in person."

"Unless it's done by phone."

"They'd want to know how you could prove it was you," John said.

"We might get one of the people in UNIT to intervene and set things up since we don't want the asshole to do it," Evan offered.  "Your friend Martha could ask."

"Maybe," Xander sighed. "I don't want to."

"I know," Evan agreed.  "Then don't."

"Then they'll shut you guys down."

"Not for long," Rodney said dryly.  "We'd out the program."  He stared at him.  "And all the work we've done over the last few years."  Xander shrugged a bit but ate a bigger bite.  "Doing so beforehand might make more sense.  It'd make it easier on you.  They might forget you in all the media circus."

"I could see that happening," John agreed.  "General Landry might have to hide in the mountain for a bit though."

"It's his own fault for not sticking up for his people," Rodney told him.  "We'd all look like cranks unless we leaked internal documents and they found out on their own."  He considered how to do that.

"I have film of the battle over Antarctica," Xander offered.  "Uncut from a few of the paranoid sites if it hasn't been eaten from the hard drive."

Rodney went to get the laptop and find that footage.  Daniel was in there.  "Erasing things?" he asked dryly.

"No.  Looking to see how much of the battle he had covered.  Because there's a few full copies floating around.  If he had the lesser copy, I was going to give him the full copy."  He looked at him.  "How is he?  Jack's torn up and Jon's spent the last few hours screaming at him about it."

"He's still torn up."  He looked at it. "The full copy?"

"Looks like it."  He let him have the computer.  "I'm all for outing it," he said bluntly.  "And screwing whoever is trying to force him to do things."

"He's plotting that later."  He smirked.  "We should release some internal documents about the battle as well so they can't call it a nice film."

Daniel wrote down some codes.  "Those files are locked by this and the last battle that nearly got the earth dead was there."  He handed over the pen.  "Find someone good to leak them to."  He walked off after grabbing a book.

"Not that one.  It's a biography of Xander from a few decades from now."

"Sure."  He put it back and then got another one to read while Jack and Jon fought.

Rodney locked that book up and left with the computer and codes.  The time for secrets may be over.

22: Renewal And Revenge

Xander sat down in front of Rodney's secondary backup computer and finished uploading from his stick drive.  All the files unzipped easily and installed themselves.  He beamed at his good work.  Radek came in and gave him a pointed look.  "Daniel said Keller told him Rodney has to have a day off or else."

"I would hide," he ordered.

Xander smiled at Radek.  "We will be."  Radek gave him a pointed look.  "She reamed me a good one for moving without my chair again too."  Rodney walked in reading.  "Good morning."

"It's not a teaching day," he said.

"No, I'm following orders."

"What orders on whose authority?" he asked dryly.

"The highest on high."  He grabbed the laptop, his backpack that he had made earlier and made Rodney walk beside him.  "C'mon."

"Where are we going?"

"To sit somewhere."

"Why?" he asked impatiently.

"Because Keller said your blood pressure was in orbit and told Daniel to make you take a day off."  He grinned.  "I got designated as your annoyance monitor of the day to make sure of it."

"What did you do?" he demanded.

"Well, I put up a tent," he said, walking them into the gate room and up to the gate.  He pushed him through then went after him.  He came out the other side and it shut down.  "I set up a nice cabinish area for today.  I have to make that damn phone call too."

"You don't have to."

"Yeah I do.  But I picked someone nice enough who won't ask me dumb questions."

"Are you sure?"

"Quite."  He walked him off.  He pulled out his phone.  "Damn, no signal."  They moved back closer to the gateway and Xander added some magic strength to the antenna.  That worked.  He handed over the laptop.  "All the work things are locked with a new password. As ordered.  I did give you a few games."

"Games!" he demanded.  "I can beat games with an algorithm!"

"Not some of these."  He pointed.  "You can look.  That way you can rant before I have to make the dreaded, life ending phone call."

Rodney huffed but sat down on a log to look at the games.  "Saqqarah?"  He got into it, snorting at the back story.  "This is too damn easy."

Xander smiled.  "You do four on each temple to unlock the next one.  The second one is logic puzzles and the fifth puzzle was hard enough that I couldn't ever get it.  The others are different types of puzzles.  Spot the chain, make the chain, switch it to create the triangle, those sort."  Rodney glared but he did the first four and moved to the logic puzzles.  He got the first four easily then the fifth stumped him.  He tried it a few times then glared at him.  Xander grinned.  "Still think you can write an algorithm?"

"Yes," he muttered, going back to it.  The other temples weren't *bad* but fairly simplistic.  Though he wasn't doing very well on the rotate one.  Or the moving it temple.  He hated some of these he decided.  "Can I play just each temple?"

"Yes.  At the end there's no prize.  After you complete all of the first ones you get an annoying screensaver that Daniel hates.  It's a long walkway of pillars with symbols that show up now and then.  He hated it when he got it."  Rodney moaned, doing the temple he liked.  "There's a few others.  Luxor is a shooting game to make chains with cheezy graphics."  He grinned.  "I almost put JoJo's Fashion show on it but I doubted you'd like it.  I did put three hidden object ones: both Samantha Swift games and Margrove Manor.  I put Turbo Pizza on there too.  That's a time management one.  That way you're not totally bored on your day off."

"I could be sleeping."

"We will once we get to the camp."  He winked and dialed the number he had been given.  "Hi, it's Xander Harris."  He smiled.  "No, not really ready."  He put her on speaker.  "There, that way the guy who I was told to take on an enforced vacation can tell me to stay calm."

"Sure, if that's what's needed," the female said.  "Let me start the recording on this end.  This is really good reception.  Where are you?"

"Classified but out of the US.  I'm on my cell."

"Like a satellite phone?"

"Something like that."

"Hmm."  He could almost hear the smile.  "Still good reception.  Okay, I've got the recording stuff started and my editor is listening in to make sure the quality is good.  That's all that's on this side, okay?"

"Sure."

"Good.  Now let's start with the harder questions.  Are you military?"

"I'm a civilian specialist on a classified project.  A linguist."

"So not military?"

"No, just pretend military."

She laughed.  "That's good to know.  I know you did not want to do an interview."

"No, I don't.  I'm being forced to do an interview by the higher ups who have confiscated my money and my stuff in storage."

"Ah, I see.  So why come to me?"

"You won't ask me dumb questions, you won't mind if I talk a bit about my boyfriend, and you're nicer from what I've seen."

"I do try.  So you're gay?"

"Bi."

"Wonderful.  How do you feel about the current rules about us?"

"I think it was a last minute compromise and it kinda sucks, but some day people will actually not give a damn where you stick it except when it's a kid or a dog.  I hope I live that long."

She was smiling.  "How do you feel about gay marriage?"

"If you want to be married, go for it.  I don't think it's my thing and I don't think anyone I'm involved in would be more than wary of the idea."

"So, just a boyfriend?"

Xander looked at Rodney.  "He said it was okay."

"Two boyfriends actually.  We kinda suit each other.  One's a bit snarky, I'm a smartass, the other's very sweet and nice to us."

"Hmm.  I'm going to guess one is real military?"

"Yes, the other's a scientist."

"Okay, I won't ask more about them so it can't get them in trouble.  I wouldn't want to out anyone."  She shifted.  "What are you doing today?"

"I have a friend who I jokingly call a mean uncle that got told to take a day off so I'm making him go with me to a relaxing spot that I've set a tent up on and put up food for the day.  I even downloaded games on his computer.  I might've done porn but I don't think he'd like that."

"I would've killed you," Rodney assured him.  "I may still for these games."

"I told you it was harder than you thought."

"Definitely."

She laughed.  "It's good you have friends.  I understand you're a California boy?"

"Yes, a few hours from LA."

"Family?"

"Made-family, yes."

"Okay.  Anyone you want to shout out to?"

"Nah.  My might-as-well-be little sister is in Cardiff going to school.  She's going to follow me into the languages and the school system we were in sucks ass.  Badly.  Sorry about the swearing but it's the only way to really describe Sunnydale's school."

"I've heard about that town," she said.  She coughed.  "Is she liking Wales?  That's Wales, right?"

"Yeah.  She's not liking too many of the boys at school.  She said half the ones who hit on her are emo.  We think she should date more geeks but they're apparently in awe of her beauty.  She's interning over there and has some very fussy big brothers who keep wanting to put her in granny skirts and long sleeved sweaters with turtlenecks."  Rodney laughed at that.  "They do."

"They do," he agreed.

"She's sixteen."

"That's a good age to be nagged about that stuff," she agreed.  "So, languages?  How many do you speak?"

"Um... last count was something like forty something I think?  I mostly read, I only speak about six of them fluently."

"Wow.  I know you didn't learn that in that school system."

"Actually I learned a few off our high school librarian.  He's the one who taught us Latin, Summerian, and ancient Greek."

"That's odd."

"We were kinda like that."

"I can tell.  So, my editor wants me to move onto the harder question again.  That battle?  You okay?  It looked like you were bleeding."

"I had a hundred ninety something stitches in my hip joint to keep it on."

"Hundred ninety-eight or nine," Rodney said.

"What he said."

"Ow," she said with a hiss.  "Are you going to be able to walk?"

"I'm breaking rules a lot to stand right now.  I can kinda shuffle but the doc wants me in the chair for another few weeks.  I've been swimming to keep up muscle tone and things."

"Wonderful.  I hope it's a stress-free recovery and you get full function back."

"I'm a bit stubborn," he admitted with a smile at the phone.

"So I've been told.  How did you get involved?"

"A friend asked for help.  I showed up to help him."

"Just like that?"

"For that friend, yup.  He was there through some bad points of my past and he needed help.  It's the sort of guy I am."

"But that's a rare and special thing in today's world.  Today you're lucky if you can get your friends to help you move across town."

"Yeah, I know a few of those but they'd be at my back if it was a serious thing like that."

"That is how you tell true friends," she agreed.  "I know we were told we lost someone."

"We lost one fully and kinda lost the other but he's not dead.  We'll miss her and him."

"Okay."  She shifted again, you could hear the chair squeak.  "It sounds like they were good friends?"

"Yeah, some of the best I've had."

"Then I'm sorry for your loss.  So, anything else that you do?"

"I tinker with weapons."

"I guess that came in handy then."

"Around us too," Rodney said loudly.

She laughed.  "I'm sure it would on a military base.  Make the guys respect the geeks."

"Some of our geeks are pretty tough," Xander told her.  "We beat them all the time at soccer and X-Box."

She giggled.  "Those are tough geeks.  Do you play games?"

"Yeah, it used to be just my X-Box until I bought one for the rec room.  And a tv so they wouldn't have to carry mine down ten flights of stairs."

"Ah.  That's generous."

"I like most of the guys on base and they spoil my pets very well."  A whoosh went off and he looked.  "Speaking of, I think they were upset we didn't bring them, Rodney."  He looked and whistled.  They came running over and the gateway cut off.  "Sorry, our pets just got sent."

"I heard the airlock sound."  She heard a cheep.  "What is it?"

"It's a lizard.  Some people have looked at Armand and called him a mutant iguana but I think of him like a baby dragon."  He petted him.  Armand nuzzled and stared at the phone.  "Behave, Armand.  Hi, Mira.  She's Rodney's pet."

"Aww.  It's good they let you have pets wherever you are in the world."  Armand purred at her.  "He sounds very friendly."

"He is."  Xander moved him away from the phone, petting him with his free hand.  There was an awkward pause.  "You'll be able to edit the stupid stuff, right?"

"Yeah, we'll be able to do that.  If we get about an hour's worth we can edit it down to the forty minutes or so.  If we do less time I'll add in another guest."

"Thanks, I'm not used to this.  Really, I just want my personal space.  I consider them making me do this like personal space rape."

"I can understand that fully.   Not everyone thrives in the limelight."

"I never wanted it."

"Even when you were younger?"

"I used to fantasize about being a guitar god without groupies."

"Ah.  So no wanting to be the leading man on a movie?"

"Nope.  I can't act."  Armand nuzzled him so he petted him better.

"I can fully understand that and I'm really gratified that you chose me for your first one."

"Like I said, you wouldn't ask the totally dumb stuff.  I heard someone put forth a petition to put me in for a Nobel."

"I heard that it got quashed."

"Cool.  Thank you whoever did that."

"What did you do before joining that project?"

"Construction.  I like working with wood and my hands.  It was really satisfying.  Plus kept me in great shape."

"I bet.  You guys have good arm and back muscles.  So, I heard rumors about a sword?"

"I can use a sword.  And a battle axe.  Some people on the project have seen me use one."

"That's probably where that came from.  What are you going to do if they get pushy to reward you?"

"Hide for my life.  I don't want medals, awards, none of it.  Just let me fade into obscurity.  Please?"

"I know it's disconcerting."

"Thankfully I won't be anywhere people can see me for months."

"That may help," she agreed.  "So you're a homebody?"

"I am."

"Can you cook?"

"Somewhat.  I had some fast food jobs before finding construction.  One at a Hibachi.  I did dishes at a strip club so I learned how to make wings."

"They have food at those?"

"Some of them."

"I did not know that.  Huh.  I'll have to go check that out with the wife."

"She is pretty but she looks like she spanks hard."

Ellen laughed.  "Yes she can.  Yours?"

"They pout if I'm that bad.  But they did get me calmed down when this got sprung on me.  Kept me from leaving, all that."

"I know it's tough.  What are you going to do after this project?"

"That depends on what we do when we get back to a more normal locale.  Then we'll decide that.  I don't know.  I know I have a cabin on a perfect little beach with beautiful white sand.  I can move all my books there and hide for a bit.  Other than that, I don't know."

"I heard you have an apartment in London?"

"Yeah, I bought one recently and one in Cardiff for my little sister to live in while at school."

"That's really a nice thing to do."

"She needed it.  I didn't want her to live somewhere scummy or dangerous.  Somewhere she'd get tempted to be a bad girl."

"I can understand that.  It's hard to have a teenager."

"She's not bad.  A bit squealy but she wouldn't be her any other way."

"True.  You have to enjoy those years."

"Otherwise you end up twenty-three and looking back going 'damn, I didn't do that, why'," he agreed.

"Didn't get to do all the wild stuff you wanted to do?" she asked.

"I think going to Disney Word and all those places would've been more cool as a teenager than it would be now."

"Possibly but you can get into all the exhibits now without anyone complaining about your age," Rodney said.

"I could've then."

"Good point," she agreed.  "You two sound like close friends."

"That's my mean uncle."  Armand cheeped and Mira cheeped louder.  "And the pets."

"They sound very smart.  I'd like to see them some day."

Xander smiled.  "Maybe I'll send a picture."

"Sure.   So, college?"

"I hated school.  I had like a 1.3 GPA in school."

"So why do they want you to be the new poster boy for the military?"

"I have no clue and when I pointed out that I was loudly bi, I flirt, I had a horrible school record, and a bunch of other things, including that I do not follow stupid orders, they still thought I'd be perfect.  Apparently we want different things in a military these days," he said dryly.

"Clearly they want more like you who jump in, but more obedient," Rodney asked.  "Put a general on after this.  Try for O'Neill.  He's supposedly hip," he told the phone.  He beat another level and found the next overall level was the same but there were more challenges.  "A blocking one!" he complained.

"I put saqqarah on his computer," Xander said happily.

"It's frustrating," Rodney complained.  "Not relaxing."

"So later on you can make the minions solve it too."

"I may at that.  It'll help me weed out the lesser minds easier.  Before I have to yell."

"What does Rodney do?" she asked.

"I'm the head of the science department."

"Oh, so you have real minions."

"Incredibly dumb ones sometimes," he agreed.  "I get to yell all too often."

"We like watching it.  It's like a soap opera.  What was that one guy doing?"

"Trying to make a hallucinogenic steam from some local plants that are mildly mind relaxing," he said dryly.  "Which is why I nearly killed my vocal chords."

"I would too," she agreed.  "Are they high schoolers?  Still in college?"

"No, though you can't prove it by the yelling sometimes," Xander admitted.

"Yours?"

"Isn't dumb but sometimes gets it," he admitted.  "When Mean Uncle Rodney wants to yell at others for littler things."

"Ah, he's that sort.  That's cool sometimes.  Everyone needs to vent."  Xander snickered.  "So, seriously, how are you doing?"

"I'm okay.  Mostly.  My hip hurts a bit."  He saw people come out of the gate.  "Um, I'm going to have to put you on hold for a second.  Someone who's not supposed to be here just showed up."  He put them on hold.  "Can't hear me, right?" he asked.  No answer.  "Guys, what are you doing here?"

"We were told you were here and wanted to ask you a few questions," Cata said.  He sat on the log, looking at the screen.  "Is that a puzzle of the ancients?"

"Game, meant for relaxation," he said, looking at him.  "He's doing a vile interview so you'll have to quietly wait about thirty minutes."

Xander put it back on.  "Still hear me?"

"Yeah, I can."

"Cool.  Guys, sit," he ordered.  "Sorry, some people we've worked with before just showed up."

"I know that's got to be odd since it's your day off.  Do you think O'Neill would show up?"

"I think the same people who wanted me to do this interview will want him to do an interview."  He smirked at the phone.

"What is that?" one hissed to another.

"It's a phone," Xander said.  "I'm talking to someone by where I'm from."

"Oh!"  He nodded.

"Sorry.  Rodney, you can probably access the 'net too."

Rodney paused the game and got into that feature to send one to the base.  It'd get the mountain but they could call or something, right?  Or let them know somehow?  He got onto another site and decided to watch a tv episode.  It was good to distract the Genii too.

"So anyway," Xander said.

"Anyway," she agreed, sounding happy.  "Anything big in your project since it's got science and languages?"

"Sometime soon.  Maybe.  That's up to people like O'Neill."

"I'll ask him that then."  She shifted again.  "I'll end this one here.  We'll have plenty to use for your interview, and then we'll talk to General O'Neill if I can get him, or one of the more uptight ones if I can't.  Thank you."

"Just kinda make sure that they leave me alone?" Xander pleaded.  "I really don't want to be the subject of anyone's attention.  Ever.  I really hate this."

"I get that and I understand.  This will hopefully stop all that.  You have a good day off with your mean Uncle."

"Thank you, you too."  He hung up and put it into his bag.  "So, guys, we were going to have a day off.  What's up?"

Rodney looked up when Mira and Armand both migrated to one of the Genii's new dreadlocks.  "They're still fascinated by those things."  Mira cheeped at him and he let her play with them.

"They're very gentle," the youth said with a smile.  "They're just pawing and nosing them.  Not pulling."

"They've both chewed off one of Ronon's," Xander told him.  "So, what's up?  We were going to go where I set up a tent for his day off."

"We needed to ask a technical question," Cata said.  "How are you running that chair?"

"It's not hard."

"Those mystical poles of energy, the ZPM?" he asked.

"No.  It's run on a rechargeable battery.  I can plug it in and recharge it in a few hours.  It can run the levitating function for a few days."

"Interesting.  So not a ZPM?"  They both shook their heads.  "Can you make new ZPM's?"

Rodney looked at him.  "The Assurans could but no, we can't," he lied.  He went back to his show.  "Can we do this on the city?"

"Maybe.  Why?"

"Someone would kill and beg for this feature," he pointed out.  "You'd have your choice of chocolates for you three."

"Maybe."  He smiled at the Genii.  "Sorry, guys.  I'm a weapons guy, not an energy flow person."

"You could make a gun that would help us keep power from the wraith," the one with the dreadlocks said.  "We would be willing to trade for it."

Xander stared at him.  "In our society is a theory called the prime directive.  It states that you do not give any technology to a society that is not ready for it yet.  Some of the stuff I have done in the past is beyond even McKay's understanding."  They all slumped.  "I cannot and will not give that over.  I'm sorry but even if I could, I can't because of that.  It's one of the laws I live by."

"We would probably be able to have something lesser?"

Xander considered how to put it because if he refused outright they'd be taken hostage.  Which was just his luck.  "Would you give a society that only found fire recently guns?"  They shook their heads.  "Would you give a society that barely had guns something bigger, something that could ruin whole cities?"

"No, not if you're an honest man," Cata said. "But you know how to make things in between."

"No, actually I don't.  When and where I learned it was weapons far beyond our present understanding.  I traveled through space and time."  Cata gasped.  "What I know I cannot share with anyone.  I can't even share most of it with McKay and his people.  I can't even tell my boyfriend these things.  I can't give you weapons because I can't make the things that would be useful to you without making it too futuristic.  I don't know how."

"McKay does."

Rodney looked up at him.  "I only know how to make laser weapons and other higher ones.  They aren't something to carry around.  Some of them are too big even for a jumper."

"I see," Cata said.

"That and with the way the wraith took out Sateda for being so technological, it's a danger," Xander added.

"But you're going to end the wraith," Cata pointed out.

"Yes but it'll be a while," Rodney pointed out.  He closed the laptop and put it into the bag.  "We can't do it immediately and we're still trying to find the best way to do more than take out single wraith hive ships."

"The air vine is a good start," Xander said.  "But planting it is dangerous."

"Air vine?" Cata asked.

"On my trip, I found a vine that will suck all the air out of a spaceship.  It's very dangerous."

Cata licked his lips.  "It sounds it.  What if it's on a planet?"

"If it could be planted safely, it's safe.  I don't think it would take over a whole planet.  I know it took over a lab within minutes."  They all shuddered.  "It's killed by fire.  Nothing else works on it."

"So very dangerous," he decided.  Xander nodded.  "You have samples?"

"A few but they're safely stored in crystal so they can't broken into," Xander told him.  "We're looking for a way to transplant it so we can plant it on a few worlds as self defense if we can't get all the wraith or some are hibernating in a place we don't find.  That's a real possibility since they've got many worlds they're working on.  Plus the worshipers."

"They are not normal," Cata agreed.  He considered it.  "Would you give us a single sample to try to plant?"

"Only if we can make sure it won't be used on us," Rodney said.  "We don't want anyone going toward Koyla's ways.  There's others who would if they could get hold of things.  None of the other planets need someone like that.  Even now, you probably have people who would support it.  Even if you yourself don't or your council doesn't."

Cata nodded.  "That is true.  A few of the council miss him actually."  He considered it.  "Would you still give us an idea of it?  Let us look at a sample?"

"That may be arranged," Rodney agreed.  "We're all for planets being able to help themselves if the wraith come."

They beamed at their leader.  "But that would help," one of the young ones said.

"It has," Rodney agreed.  "We can arrange for you guys to look at the air vine and what we've found out about it."

"That would be very helpful.  Could it be shot into a dart?" Cata asked.

"With a special capsule that would break apart once it was inside the ship," Xander said.

"So possible.  What about better hand weapons?"

"Not my area," Xander said.

"Or mine," Rodney said.

"Darn," the young one the dragons were playing with said.  "I would really like it if I could have a version of Ronon's gun."

"So would Sheppard," Xander said with a grin.  The boy grinned back.  "Sorry, guys.  Not our fields."

"Have you examined it?"

"We scanned it once, but we still can't fully recreate its power source," Rodney said.

The Genii nodded at that knowledge.  "What of other things we could carry.  Like his shrunken weapons."

"That's something only people like him to do," Rodney said dryly.  "I can't."

"That takes magic," Xander said.

"Magic?" the youngest one asked.  Xander lit a ball of fire in his hand, making them all scream and back away.  He made it go away.  "Is that magic?"  Xander nodded.  "How does creating fire from air shrink things?"

Xander smiled and pulled off a sword.  "You have to know the thing that you're working on, have it in your hand.  You have to feel the energy in it and warp it to your will."  He let the young one feel the sword as he shrank it.  "Did you feel a difference?"

"Maybe a small tingle."

"That was the spell working on it.  For me I can feel the metal warming up as it moves.  It's a rare skill.  Even more rare than having the genes to activate ancient things."  Rodney gave him a look.  "Some people can't."

"Some people can't," he agreed.

"Can you make it so more can?" Cata asked.  Rodney shook his head.  "Why not?"

"Genetics is what makes each person different.  It's part bloodline and part what makes you different than anyone else you know," Xander told him.  "Your genes identify which family lines you come from.  You share genes with them.  Even your great-great-great grandparents, but the further you go, the less you share."  That got a slow nod.  "The same as they're what gave you brown hair, your height, your green eyes, all that comes from genes as well.  It's also why some children are born with certain problems."

"We haven't found too many incidences of things like Down's Syndrome," Rodney admitted.

"Really?"

Rodney nodded.  "We can't even theorize why.  Maybe the culling is weeding out those who have the gene.  We aren't sure."

"Interesting."  He looked at Cata.  "We can compare genes.  We can compare you to your parents and grandparents, or any children they had.  They can compare yours to mine and find differences and similarities that we all share.  We can't yet input genes into you from someone else.  It would kill you."

"So no bringing it to someone who hasn't had it."

"Like when you breed animals, bloodlines weaken the longer from the main source," Rodney said.  "Your people are so far from the original bloodline that it's basically been bred out of your people."

"So like a meat beast that's been given to a different breed, after a while the offspring will not look like either of them," the young one with the dreads said.

"Exactly," Rodney agreed.  "That's how you make a new breed."

"So that's why none of us show it," he said.  Rodney nodded.  "And it can't be given to us?"

"No," Rodney said.  "It's very dangerous to even attempt."

"That is a pity," Cata said.  "Is there any chance?"

"Doctor Beckett was working on that."

"Pity."  He sighed and stood up.  "We would like to talk to you more."

Xander stared at him. "It's our day off, Cata.  We both need to relax.  I've been pissed at our higher ups recently."

"Higher ups who make stupid decisions that hurt their people?" he guessed.  Xander nodded.  "Those that make more reports necessary and the ones who are dumb?"

"Exactly.  Which is why I had to talk to someone earlier."

"Hmm.  I know of those very well."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "We would still like to talk to you."  The one with the dreads opened the vial and threw it at them.  They both succumbed very quickly, before they could protest.  "Make sure you take the things.  Two of you go check that camp, see if anything shouldn't be left here."  They did that and the one with the dreadlocks kept the dragons occupied.   They knew Armand would destroy them for this.  Mira was probably just as protective even though she was young.  They respected and feared Xander too much to ever upset him by hurting his pet or leaving his things somewhere they could be destroyed.  Especially things they didn't understand.

"We will not hurt you two.  We're taking you with the parents so they can rest," he crooned, walking toward the gate.  They brought the others.  Xander's chair rolled nicely even when it wasn't floating.  They needed those for the people who had injuries.  The ones going to the camp got there a few minutes later and they went through.  Traveling woke Rodney up slightly and he saw the symbols on the gate.  He woke up once they were in a cell.  He had no idea where Mira and Armand were.  He noticed the bag was with them and pulled out the laptop to send that message as well.  Then he went back to watching tv until Xander woke up.  He was not happy and he had to calm down.  Before he built another bomb and blew them all to hell.  Xander might pout for not being able to help.  Xander woke with a groan.  "No idea where the pets are.  Told them by email."

Xander shifted with a grimace and sighed.  "I ache like shit.  Couldn't they sit me up?"

"Apparently not."  He looked over.  "Seinfeld?" he asked when he saw him staring at the computer.

"Sure."  He leaned closer then moved the chair closer and set it down.  He looked at his bag, finding the thing he wanted.  He handed it to Rodney, who smirked.  "I only have the necklace."  He patted himself.  "Still there."

"They're not being too pushy," Rodney said.  "Yet."

"Good."  The door opened and they stared at the man there, who put the pets down and gave them a back pet to make them run to them.  "What?  They crap on someone?" he snarked.

"They were quite pissed that we wanted to keep them from you."

Xander smirked.  "I have had Armand in wars."

"Mira has been learning much from him then.  She killed five people."  He left, closing the door behind himself and locking it.

"Good girl, Mira," Rodney said, getting a coo back.  "You need a bath.  You have their blood on you."  Armand leaned over to lick her.  "No, that's disgusting."  He took them to the sink in the corner to wash them.  They loved that.  They came back to sit on the bed with Rodney while Armand cooed at the daddy until he got petted.  They settled in to send emails and watch tv until then.  Xander sent a text message as well.  Rodney put in the code from the gate and it was better.  "Sheppard will get that," he assured him.

"I'm sure he will."  He petted the dragon.  They brought in food.  "Get that out of here," he ordered.  "McKay's deathly allergic to that yellow thing.  If he inhales it or it touches him, he'll die."  The man backed out quickly.  He sighed, looking at him.  It came back without those things.  "Not touched that plate or anything?" he asked.

"No, Xander," he said quietly.  "We did not know," he told McKay, leaving his on the bed and two more for the dragons.  He left in a hurry.

Xander looked at the food.  "I haven't seen those roots fried before."

"Me either."  He nibbled on one.  "Not bad.  I do have a pen on me."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."  He patted it. Then the other pockets.  He found it and waved it. Then it got put back into the usual pocket.  "They searched us."

"Clearly."  He patted himself down.  "I have my wallet and things."  They dug in.  It wasn't bad food.  "Go ahead, guys."  They ate the other ones, tray and all since it wasn't metal.  Mira belched.  "Stop that.  Have some manners," he said dryly.  She purred at her daddy when he did the same thing.  "And they call me a barbarian?" he joked.

"You're not a barbarian.  Neither am I."  He finished up and put the tray down.  Xander's got put down.  The dragons ate them too and settled in to keep the daddies calm.  Rodney tried to restart the video and it wasn't working.  Xander added to the antenna's signal and it got the signal back.  He switched shows and it was fun for a while.  Then someone came in from the capture team.  Xander shot him with the taser.  He screamed and thrashed on the ground.  He tried to retract them but one stuck.  Rodney got it free and came back to watch some more tv.  "It was very rude to knock us out and kidnap us.  Though, this is probably the nicest kidnaping I've ever been in."

"Me too.  No women trying to sleep with me or kill me."  He shook his head.  "Or demented men who think they own me."  They smirked at the absolutely scared men as they drug the poor guy out.  "Touch our pets again," Xander offered.  "Really."  He smiled.  They locked the door and hurried off.  Xander handed Rodney the taser.  Rodney checked it and handed it back.  He put it on the recharging spot he had built into the chair.

Rodney looked at it.  "That is a good accessory."

"I thought it might be handy," he admitted with a smile.  "I can do the laptop too."

"Good!"  They looked over at a familiar whirring.  "Really?" he asked.

"Apparently."  He repacked the bags and got the dragons.  "Hi, Doc."

"Xander, Rodney, I showed up to check on Xander and got told there's people who want to own him again?"

"No they want us to make weapons," Rodney admitted with a grimace.

"Ah.  Well, come on then."  They headed for the door.  Rodney made it in.  Xander's chair wouldn't.   He stood up and shrank the chair, wincing at the twang.  "I think it broke a mag lev pad."  He handed it off and made his way inside.  "Got the pets?"

"And your bag," Rodney said, grabbing it.  They checked and closed the door.  The doctor smiled.

Xander looked him over.  "Thank you."

"You needed it."  He got them back to the city.  Xander gave him a hug.  "What are you doing?"

"You're not eating," Xander said quietly, staring at him.

"I...."

"Want me to make you a sandwich?"

"No.  I'm fine."

Xander stared at him.  "Uh-huh."  He looked at Rodney then around.  "Kids?" he called.  They came out belching, dragging a vine out.  "Ah, grapes of headache wrath."  Rodney snickered.  "They are."

"We need to get Radek some of those."  He looked at the Doctor.  "Xander, he doesn't look comfortable being held."

"I'm fine," he promised.  "It's awkward sometime."

Xander looked at Rodney.  "Can you?"

"Of course."  He opened the door, staring at the Marines, Evan, Rodney, Kissen, and Faith.  "Faith, Kissen, he regenerated."

"I know that."  He came in to get his own hug.  "Hi, Doctor."

"Joel."  He smiled.  "Good to see you again."

"It's good to see you at all."  He stared at him.  "Good, the limpet has you.  He's sensitive that way.  Let me know if you need me for anything, all right?  You know I can go or help or anything."  The Doctor smiled and nodded.  "Good."  He left.  Radek and Evan came in then Rodney dragged John in.  The tardis decided to take off without them prompting.

"Not again," he complained, looking at the center crystal.  "Why must you do that?"

"She's alive and knows you."  Xander took him back to the bigger bed.  The Doctor started to open his mouth.  "You need it, Doc.  You're disassociated again," he said quietly.  They all laid down.  They piled around him and he sighed but slowly relaxed.  Xander wiggled closer, making the Doctor hold him.

Evan moved, holding Xander from behind this time.  Radek got the back of the Doctor.  Evan looked over at him.  "Xander needed this too," he said quietly.  The Doctor smiled.  "It'll be okay.  I promise."

"I know."

"This is a lot of 'I've been doing this a long time'," Xander told him quietly.  "I know that feeling."  He wiggled and pulled Faith in to get between them while John got whatever he could.  He decided to have Radek's back. The guys all smiled at that.  The Doctor cuddled and it was better.

Faith petted him.  "It's all good.  I know you're not staring down my shirt so you go right ahead.  They're not getting any other use anyway."  He laughed, giving her a squeeze.

Xander looked at him and concentrated, starting a spell.  He ran a hand over the black hair, making the Doctor look at him in an odd way.  "Asha was causing some of this."  He did it again and smiled.  "It's only going to mute her for three days.  That way you can find yourself without her nagging."

The Doctor smiled.  "I do feel better without dual nagging sources."

"Donna could nag when she had a head of steam," he agreed.  He smiled.  "In three days she'll be back nagging."  He nodded, snuggling in again.  He watched over him, letting Evan and Radek switch off to cuddle him.  It was nice.  Xander even got the Doctor's back for a while.  It was good for them.  When it got too late he got up and made food.

"It's odd to see him in clothes," the Doctor said when he brought in food.  "Half the time he wore these little shorts that used to drive Jack nuts."

"Why do you think I did it?" he joked weakly.  They ate and he got pulled down, while Faith took his back and Radek got Xander's back.

The Doctor looked over.  "You're good for him, Radek.  You and Evan both."  He leaned over to kiss him on the forehead.  "My naughty padawan that makes me want to beat him sometimes and cuddle him the rest needs someone like you."  He smiled and relaxed again.  He was much more centered and finding it easier to be himself again.  They reappeared on Atlantis and none of them moved but it was comfortable.  Armand and Mira came running in and jumped, wiggling their way into the cuddles.  He laughed.  "Hello, Armand."  The dragon roared and patted him.  "You're a wonderful friend to both of us."  He petted him gently on the head and the dragon belched into Daddy's shoulder before falling asleep.  "I wondered why I had kept some of those grapes," he said dryly.

"I didn't dig them up," Xander quipped.  "That way you could have a few days when you needed it."

"They are good but they're overtaking your garden."  Xander sniffed but smiled and nodded.  "I'm not making you take all the demented plants but perhaps Nila could use some?"

"I can't until we move her back to earth.  It might get exposed in space."

"Good point."  He took a gentle kiss.  "You are wonderful to me."

"I know."  He grinned.  The Doctor pinched him.  "It's cool, Obi."

"Hmm.  Maybe.  Sometimes I'm too odd to be cool or hip."  Xander pinched him and he laughed.  He sighed and snuggled in again.  It was definitely better.  Someone knocked.  "Armand, go shoo them off?"

Mira raced out to do that.  She grew and roared at the rude person who interrupted the cuddles going on.  The marine pulled back, giving her a horrified look.  She had the door close and went back to her rightful cuddles.  Daddy loved her and he proved it with cuddles.

Xander pulled his head up, hearing something.  "I swear I'm going to kill them," he noted.  "Go the fuck away!" he yelled.  "Before I come out there!"

"Yes, sir!" he shouted back and ran.  He got his partner too.  They knew Harris' voice of doom.  They knew what sparring meant.  Even injured he could beat their asses somehow.  He might even pull out a light saber since the Doctor called him a padawan.

Xander shook his head.  "They need kitty tails."

"No magic, Xander," John ordered.

"Why?"

"Because it's been three weeks and you're starting to go odd."

"Oops.  Sorry about her but yay.  She tried to cuddle me."

"Uh-huh."

"He upped the antenna on his laptop so we could watch tv," Rodney offered.

"Don't let that get out.  They'll steal it to watch soaps."

The Doctor snickered.  "It's clear he's made a good family."  He petted Xander's head.  "That blue plant is mean."

"It's a function bush," he said with a grin.

"I noticed that.  It's still rude and mean."

"Jack likes it."

"That makes it worse.  Give it to Dawn.  Gwen could use it since she's so far along."

"Dawn would freak out and kill it," Xander complained.

"I'm sure Jack wouldn't let her."  He petted him gently.  "You've been upset.  I can tell."  Xander broke into another language to tell him why.  He grimaced.  Xander finished up and he groaned.  "You're right, he's a moron," he said in English.  Faith looked over.  "They tried to threaten you to make him do things."

"No way," she said.  "X, you can't let them...."

Xander held up a hand.  "They threatened the program too."  She growled.  "Exactly.  So, no, I'm not a happy Xander.  I'm about to show some of them why I'm known as the First Destroyer, not like Angel's son."

"How did Deadboy have a son?" she asked, grimacing.

"Long ass story," he sighed.  "I heard it from Dawn and I'll show you the email."  She nodded at that.  "Yeah, it was that bad.  But I gave my first and last interview."

"Wonderful."

"Now I get to go torture people with my presence if my funds and things aren't back."

"I can find B's cheerleader costume," Faith offered.

John looked at her.  "No more smutty thoughts, please?"  She just smirked.

"You are a very pretty girl but even my mind went places I felt wrong about since I see you like a little sister," Radek said, kissing her on the head.  She blushed but they soothed her too.  It was a good cuddle session.

***

Xander appeared in the corner of the building, smiling at the shocked and horrified receptionist.  He rolled over.  He couldn't fix the mag lift pad.  He had no idea how he had done it since he was drunk when he made it.  He smiled at the woman behind the counter, pulling out his phone to find who he needed.  "This person illegally locked my bank accounts on the order of a putz in a high spot that wants to use my gay ass.  Can I speak to him please?  I promise I won't do more than scare him because I'm a gay man."

She smiled at him.  "I don't find you that threatening, sir."  She looked at the name and looked him up.  "I see he's listed as being in.  Sign in please?"  He signed in and she gasped.  "It's you."  He smirked.  "Why...."

"The putz on high wants me to use my ass for him and I disagreed.  I'm about to destroy a lot of people's reputations for that.  Just like someone's mistress coming out did."  He rolled off.  "Which floor?"

"Three, sir."  She watched him go.  He was a hero and someone was doing that to him?  He got through the metal detector with a hand wand.  They hesitated over his necklace but they were cute little miniatures of swords and things.  No harm with it.

Xander came off the elevator and went to the right area, finding a receptionist.  "Hi."

"Sir.  I got called and told you were on your way up.  Why did you want to talk to him?"

"Because he illegally locked my accounts on the order of a pig cocksucker's mouth."  He smiled sweetly.  "And someone found the tape before you ask.  Hell week will haunt you," he quipped with a smirk.  "I want it back."

"Oh, dear.  Why did they do that?"

He smirked.  "Because I'm not in a good mood and I wasn't going to be used as a poster boy.  I promise, he'll only be scared of me because I'm gay."  She nodded and let him in there.  "Good morning," he said loudly and slammed the door.  The man gave him a look.  He pulled out his ID, letting him see it.  Then the phone's display.  "I believe that was you?"

"We think you'd want recruited."

"I think you guys tried when I was in high school and I told you to blow yourself then.  Look at the town's name."  He looked and shuddered, backing away.  Xander just smiled.  "No, you can't have me.  I don't want to work for you.  I will never work for you and even if someone, by some option of blackmail, manages it, I'd destroy it from the inside.  Because that would be fun to me.  Now, can I have my money back before I decide to leave the US and go make weapons and translate things somewhere else?  I'm assured that I'd have an open invitation to nearly any country but France or Iran."

"Umm.....  With your history..."

"You guys trying to blackmail me means that even if I do walk again, I'll never show up for another apocalypse.  I don't give a damn.  And once I've reached my point of 'I'll be damned', bad things are known to occur because people want to own me."  He grinned.  "Now, can I have my shit back?  And who is the other one?"

"Let me work on that," he said, getting into his computer to reverse that.  "The higher ups...."

"Are in for deep shit.  Did you know that someone kept Hell Week photos?  And that a drunk president is a bad thing, even when he's twenty-two?"

"Ummmm....."  He stared at him.  "How bad?"

"See Inside Edition later."  He smirked.  "Or, well, maybe TMZ has it up now."  He noticed the guy got into that site and he laughed but he looked horrified.  "So yeah, I'm not through yet."

"Were you behind Senator Kinsey's mistress, sir?"

"Yup."

"Oh, dear."

"Then he was an annoying side note.  Now, you're fucking with me."  Someone came in.  "Graham."

"Xander," he said respectfully, closing the door gently.  "Our boss has the other one and I had no idea until this guy sent the email.  He sent me over to apologize and if he had any idea he would've stuck up for them not using you."

"It won't save the higher ups."

"I know."  He sighed.  "I saw the TMZ video.  The boss's secretary sent it over."  He stared at him.  "How many more?"  Xander just chuckled.  "Oh, god," he moaned.

"You might want to warn your people that I no longer care about apocalypses going on.  Unless it's my ass on the line, do it yourself.  I don't care," he said quietly.

Graham looked at him, and nodded quickly.  "I understand, Xander.  They were wrong.  They were horribly wrong.   I'm sorry."

"S'okay, yours was one of the few that didn't want to screw with me."

"My boss was told to by the higher ups."

"I'm aware of that.  Wonder how he's liking that video."

"He's probably hiding in his office."  He moved closer.  "Are you going to be okay?"

"A hundred-nighty-eight stitches, Graham.  The doctor is telling me I have to stay in the chair for a few more weeks before I work my way back up to walking.  I'm kinda frustrated because she told my boyfriend no sex at all until I'm able to fully move.  It's making my magic go funny as well as other things.  So, no, not having a happy day."

"I get that."  He hesitantly reached over and patted him on the arm.  "Buffy's in town."

"I'll see if I can get Faith sprung so we can have lunch then."

Graham smiled.  "She's been moping.  Dawn too."

"Dawn has something coming from my personal pokemon plant collection."  He smiled at the other guy.  "Who knew that tentacle plants and man eating ones liked me."

The guy moaned.  "Are you going to turn into an evil genius?"

"Rodney McKay told me that was his later job, not mine."

"You know him?" the other agent asked.

"Mean Uncle Rodney?  Yeah, he's helping Radek teach me physics."

"Oh, god no," he muttered.  "You're *there*?"

Xander beamed.  "Chief linguist."

"Oh, shit."  He finished up.  "I've removed the locks on your storage areas, and the ones on your account, Mr. Harris.  Thank you for bringing this to our attention, sir, and I hope you have a very stress free rest of your long life."  Xander smiled and rolled out with Graham.  He leaned back, wiping off the sweat.   He filed a report for the higher ups.  That guy was not one you screwed with.  Anyone who had survived Sunnydale, had fought with the slayer, and was now one of O'Neill's crazy bastards deserved respect.  A lot of respect.  Especially since his file said he could create weapons.

***

Xander and Faith came back from lunch, smiling at the waiting people.  "Did someone try to invade without us?  You all look unhappy."

"The botany creation lab had to do the grapes instead of any other part.  The rest were nice but just grapes.  We have both now," Daniel said.  "How was lunch?"

"Good.  What happened to make the long faces?" Faith asked.

"Jack wrote."

Xander beamed.  "Aww, did he see TMZ too?"  He rolled off.  "I hope he has fun with the rest of the interview too."

"That's why he wasn't happy," Daniel said.  "What's on TMZ?"  It was probably a bad sign that Faith walked off moaning and going 'wrong, just so wrong'.  He went to find Rodney, who still had Xander's laptop in punishment for loading his with games of all things.  Not that he didn't play them every lunchtime but still.  He got onto the TMZ site and stared.  "Oh please let that be a manipulation," he begged.

"It's not," Radek said.  "I saw the original footage and checked."  He looked up.  "He's not happy."

"I know that but that's so bad."

"It's a good example of why you shouldn't drink," Rodney said dryly, smirking at him. "There's worse."

"Worse than doing a pig?"

"Yes."

"Let me warn Jack.  Is it all going here?"

"Yup.  Probably.  Or to the one he interviewed with."

"Let me warn Jack."  He went back to the command center and wrote out a short email to Landry and Jack.  Then he had the data burst sent early.

***

General Landry heard his computer beep when the stargate opened from Midway so he went to look at the email he had been sent.  A few were administrative ones he had been waiting on.  One was a personal one.  He read it and groaned, going to the site.  What he saw made him sick.  He turned it off and went to have that site blocked from the servers.  He knew Jackson had sent it to O'Neill.  It was probably viral around the Pentagon.

He didn't want to see the VP in charge either.  This was going to suck.

***

Landry looked over the newspaper two days later and choked.  The VP's polygamous spouses had been introduced to each other and were fighting about both of them wanting specific things as all four divorced him.  He had just stepped down.  The President was hiding at Camp David after that video and two others that had shown him drunk and cross dressing.  The whole of congress was trying to hide in case any more videos came out.  He made a sign to put on his office wall so everyone would remember.  "DO NOT PISS OFF HARRIS, HE BITES."

He looked up at his tv as Walter came in to turn it on for him.  "I am here to tell you all today," the First Lady said.  "I have reformed my husband from his wild youth.  From his past stupidity has come the man that he is today thanks to my loving and firm hand on our family."  She looked around the press.  "He has not had a drink since his third year of college, outside of that one incident that the press made so much of during the election, and he will continue to stay sober.   There is no way those sort of incidences can happen again because I won't allow them."  The press people clapped.

"It is too bad that whoever started these malicious attacks couldn't do so in person.  I would like to know what he did to deserve this sort of retribution."  Her face turned cold then she let it relax again.  "I can assure you all that it will not and has not happened since then and I do hope that you will not hold this against the other fine members of our country."  She walked off.

Landry called on the red phone, smiling when she picked it up.  "Ma'am, General Landry.  How serious are you in wanting to know why the young man did this?"  She said she wanted to know and needed to know.  So he ran down the entire situation.  She was growling at the end.  "He is safely on Atlantis but he considered this like raping him, ma'am.   No, ma'am, he said if they had left him alone he wouldn't have done a single thing.  Your husband brought this on himself and we're about to lose him too because we ended up breaking his trust by having to stick up for your husband.  I'm not sure yet.  He's still trying to decide since he doesn't want to hurt his boyfriend who is military."

He smiled.  "Exactly.  Yes, that Harris.  The one in the battle, yes, ma'am.  Well, you took his personal space and ability to hide from him, ma'am.  Of course he paid it back in kind."  He nodded.  "I have been trying.  Unfortunately I had a mission that I needed him to go on as a pleasure slave to get information."  She moaned.  "So, no.  He doesn't give a damn as he puts it and he's ready to jump countries with the way your spouse and others tried to make him.  I'll have a word with his boyfriend to see if he'll try to calm him down further but I'm not sure anyone can right now.

"I have no idea how he got it, ma'am.  I'll ask him but I'm not expecting much luck considering how he spent the next two days so angry that they couldn't calm him down.  He doesn't want that.  He's a construction worker and attention means that he can't do what he has to do.  Beyond that, he hates attention.  We rewarded him for something and those medals are on some socks.  No, it's not ungrateful, it's the fact that he hates people noting him, ma'am.  Ask the guards, they did a nice background check on him.  Or Jack O'Neill.  Yes, him."  She hung up on him and he relaxed, hanging up his end.

Someone had to stop that boy.

***

John Sheppard walked into the caf and looked at his target.  "The First Lady asks that you please quit ruining politicians.  Or at least switch to the other party.  She also said to man up and take your rewards like a real soldier."

"Fuck her and the bitch she screwed to get into office," he said bluntly, stuffing his mouth with some pudding.  "She ripped my privacy away; I replied in kind."

John nodded, biting his lip so he wouldn't retort.  "We'd like to have some sort of government though."

"If they retire, they clearly can't and don't want the attention either," he said snidely.  "Now they know how I feel."

John reached over to pet his hair.  "I agree, they should be screwed in public for this," he said quietly.  "But you're destroying too many people.  We'll end up with a hardass who'll close the program."

"We'll be back on earth by then.  And hey, maybe those old guard changing will lead to a better working congress."

John nodded.  "Possibly.  Want me to send a message back to Landry?"

"Remind him I'm not only a bitch; I'm a vindictive bitch.  And that since she had taken mine, I did the same.  How does she like it?"  He nodded, going to tell him that.  Landry would put it more politely.   The First Lady was apparently not one you screwed with.

Doctor Keller looked over.  "Have more than pudding, Xander.  You usually eat better."

"I'm fine."

"You need to eat better or you're going to be healing for longer."  He glared and she backed down at that.  "Fine.  One more day and then eat some vegetables."

"Whatever."  He went back to his pudding until Evan came over and took his spoon.  "I can have pudding."

Evan stared.  "You've had nothing but sweets for the last few days," he said quietly.  "Want to talk?"

"No."

Evan sighed, staring him down.  "Please?"

"No."

"Fine, then we can't break rules tonight," he said quietly.

Xander slumped.  "I hate them."

"I know."

"But I can't..."

"I know you can't actually follow through on all those threats.  Moving countries would put pressure on us and you won't.  Not handling apocalypses is dangerous to everyone and you'd never do that."  He reached over to touch his hand, seeing the flinch.  "Hey, it's me."

"I know, it's just...  I don't want to put you guys in the middle of this.  They can use things to hurt you."

"That's our decision," he said.  "Not yours."  Xander stared at him.  "Real men and real lovers, make their own decisions about when they think a relationship is too hard, Xander.  Unlike what you've had in the past, real lovers, real men, and real friends don't run when it gets to be too hard.  Only when you've screwed up something too majorly and you're going to jail for it."

"So what do real fishes do?" he asked to break some of the tension.

"I guess they flop around and make fish faces at each other to make the other one laugh."  He smiled.  "That's our decision, not yours.  As a matter of fact, Radek is up cleaning the room.  He said all of us were slobs this week."

Xander relaxed, nodding.  "A bit.  I've been tired."

"It's all the pudding you've inhaled instead of regular food and the sulking without doing anything else.  You're going to make yourself sick.  Then we'll have to fuss in our off time instead of doing anything more fun."

"She said I can't have fun until all the stitches have healed and a few haven't."

"That's her opinion.  I think you're just fine to curl up around us."  Xander stared at him.  "Aren't you?"

"Weeks ago."

"So eat a real dinner.  It'll give Radek time to finish the laundry."

"He is?"

"Yeah.  I think that shows a lot of love with how sweaty I was the other day from sparring."  He grinned.  "The guys miss you.  They said Teyla was mean."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"Wow.  They never spar with me."

Evan leaned closer.  "That's because they do what I do and watch you in motion."  Xander blushed.  "Now, go get real food and maybe Miko can fix that lev panel tonight?"

"Maybe I can go down to a cane?" he countered.

"Possibly.  I can't wait until you're back to normal though."  He smirked.  "Then we'll all get a chance to help you work your way back up to your usual Conan self in the gym."  He winked.  "Go get real food."

"Yes, Evan.  Thank you.  You didn't have to go mushy but thank you."

"It's the truth.  That's why I stare.  Remember, I paint."

"Yeah, you do."  He smiled a shy, good grin and went to get more real food.  The ladies were all very nice about it too.  Gave him soft stuff and some nice meat.  He rolled back and got comfy again so they could talk until Radek joined them.

"I know it is more than friendship when I deal with sweaty underwear that is not mine," he said in Xander's ear, making him blush but smile at him.  "But it is all clean and put up.  Though some of the things in your closet are very strange.  Why do you have blue harem pants and should I make a way to go back and kick their rearends?"  He sat down with his tray.

"Those were a gift from Dawn.  Jack helped her pick them out.  Ianto growled at him about not getting him a pair or else."  He ate a bite and smiled at them.  "Where is Armand?"

"He's staring at the stargate for some reason," Evan said.

"I'll check on him then we'll go up in a bit?"

"Yes we will," Radek assured him, getting a grin.  "Find out what is bothering him."  Rodney came in with Mira fussing.  "Is she staring at the gate too?"

"Yes and I'm wondering why."  He got food and sat down with them.  He stared at Xander.  "That was so evil."

"They took my privacy."

"Yes they did."  He fed Mira a bite but she hopped down and went to stare at the gate.  "Do you think the Genii had them long enough to extract eggs?"

Xander considered it.  "I don't know enough about dragon reproduction to know."

"We can check.  That grape is fascinating and frustrating me," Radek admitted.

Xander smiled.  "You can press it into wine or you can use it to flavor other things, like your stuff."

"I've pressed some into a wine.  With some aging it will be perfect.  The lesser juice isn't too bad but has an aftertaste from the alcohol."

"Filtering?" Evan suggested.

"I need to, yes.  What else came out of the garden with you?"

"The pecan like things."  Radek moaned.  He smiled.  "A few other things.  You know, you can press those nuts and it makes a really creamy oil for things."

"I suppose you could."  He scratched the back of Xander's hand lightly, earning a shiver.  "Eat."

"I am."  He ate another bite, trying not to blush at the stares he was getting.

John walked in with both dragons.  "That's it, we're going back there to see if they did something to them."

"They had them for a few minutes but they said that they killed some soldiers," Rodney said, taking Mira.  Armand curled up next to Xander and cheeped pitifully. "Fine, we'll ask."  They cheered up.  "Tonight, Colonel?"

"Tonight's fine."  He patted Xander on the back.  "That was really mean."

Xander smiled.  "At least she looked cute in the hippie gear."

"She was prettier when she was younger."  He left, going back to the gate room to call them.  He got Cata as soon as he asked.  "Why have the dragons been moping at the gateway since they came back?"

"I do not know."  He looked behind him.  "Why would they?"

"Did you guys take eggs or anything?"

"No!"

John stared at him.  "I'm sending Xander.  Tomorrow.  With Armand."

"Okay, fine!  We did but they are not doing well!  They are very hard!"

"They all start that way and you have to keep them warm."

"I...  They are much work."

"Yes they are, for about 2 years."  He stared at him.  "Bring them to a neutral planet.  Tomorrow.  By noon.  Or else I will unleash Xander and Armand and he's been in a bad mood with our leaders.  He's shown photos of them with farm animals and a lot of other mean things."

"Yes, Colonel."  He shuddered.  "I will take them to where he had the camp so he can get his tent."

"Thank you!"  He hung up and went back to the cafeteria.  "There are eggs.  They're going to the tent you set up, Xander."

"Thank you," he said quietly.

He looked at them.  "You guys go hide tonight.  You need to cuddle and that stuff.  We'll go get the eggs tomorrow."  He left, going to eat in his office.  He hated paperwork.  So of course he had tons of it.  Evan strolled in.  "Didn't I say to go hide?"

Evan opened the door to the storage area and got something then the bottom most desk drawer and pulled out a tube of lube.  "I am."  John blushed.  "I don't even want to know, sir, but we were out.  I'll replace your stash when we get some more."  He left, hiding the tube inside the extra t-shirt he had picked up.

John shook his head and asked God who had put that in his drawer.  He decided it was probably someone who wanted him with McKay again.  Lord help them all.  Though, if Xander ever got single, he was going to push them together even if he had to use handcuffs.  Faith strolled in.  "Hiding from someone or here to put me out of my paperwork induced misery?" he asked.

"Wondering why Evie found lube in your desk.  Are you really that kinky?"

"Hell no.  I didn't put it in there."  She smirked.  "I didn't.  Evan might have.  Radek might have.  Xander might have.  Or maybe it was one of the people who wanted me with McKay.  You maybe?"

"Nope.  Some of us are going skinny dipping into the ocean.  Wanna come with?"

He stared at her.  "Do you know what sort of creatures are down there?"

"X introduced me to the merpeople."

"Who kept untying him because they weren't sure he wasn't bait."

"They try to steal us and I'll smack 'em around.  C'mon, you could use the break."

"I could but I own a swimsuit."

"So do I now.  So?"

He groaned.  "Maybe later."

"Uh-huh."  She hauled him up.  "If you're begging for death instead of doing paperwork, it's time for some funsies."  She walked him out and grabbed Rodney on the way.  "C'mon, Mira can play lifeguard."

"Where are we going?" he demanded.

"Skinny dipping."  He gasped.  She smirked.  "You need the funsies too."  She shoved them both outside, letting their helpers deal with them.  Xander was clearly having fun by the needy sounds so it was good and he didn't need swimming time.  She strolled out there, taking off clothes as she went.  She noticed Rodney had on boxers but that might change later.  She slid into the water and got splashed, laughing and splashing back.  It was a good water fight.

Of course it got interrupted by someone.

Faith got out without any clothes on and grabbed a gun, shooting the idiots.  The marines were staring.  "What?  Not like you haven't seen it before, perverts."  They all looked away and went back to it.  That ended it and those who had been unfortunately drugged were taken to the infirmary.  Those Genii who had drugged them... well, the brig was comfy.  She shook her head all the way back out there.

John looked up from his restrained position.  "This isn't a gun mag," he said dryly.

"Stupid people drugged a few to bring them back home to daddy.  Pity."  She dropped the gun and dove back in.  She was underwater so didn't get to hear the group moan for that.  John glared and they all ran back inside.

Rodney stomped back out.  "Those stupid fucking morons!" he shouted.  One of the chemistry department pulled him back in, making him splutter.  "Are you trying to make me drown?"

"No, getting information so I can figure out what they did and how.  That way I can work on an antidote."  Rodney glared but she smiled.  "Besides, it'll make you happier.  Like it does Xander."

"X was having happy people noises," Faith offered.  The group mostly cheered for that.  Maybe it would make Xander quit moping and relax again.  He was a lot more fun before the injury.

***

Upstairs, Evan walked in and locked the door.  He kicked off his boots.  "There, all found."  He put the spoils of his hunt on the bed, earning a pleased look from Xander.  "I had to tell two of the linguists that they couldn't steal books because you weren't leaving right now.  If you are, that'll still keep them out of your collection."  He stripped off his t-shirt and then his pants, folding them onto the dresser.  Then his boxers and his socks.  "Better."  He stared down at Xander.  "You're still dressed?" he pouted.

"It's going to be an ugly scar."

"So?"  He leaned down to kiss him.  "That's fine with us, Xander.  We respect the injury and why you got it.  It won't make us not look at you.  Just be a bit more careful for now."  He laid down, pulling him closer to kiss and cuddle.  He ran a hand down his back.  "Has Radek been distracting you?" he teased when he felt the slickness.

"Yup.  He was very distracting."  He took another kiss, moving his hands over Evan's body.  He leaned down to kiss a scar but Evan stopped him.  "Bad memory?"

"No.  I want you to like all of me, not just the indications that I wasn't Superman."  He let Xander go back to playing while he shifted so he could help with some of Xander's stretching.  Radek always took his fun.  He played and teased, making Xander whimper and shift.  "Legs together, Xander.  Flip over."  Xander did it and it was good.  He slid into him with an easy, slow push.  This position worked well with his injury and gave them all what they wanted.  Radek slowly teased Xander's front and it was good.  Xander tried to shift and spread a few times but Evan had to stop it.  It definitely made it tighter for him.

Xander was groaning and it was good noise.  Radek was stroking himself against Xander's front so they were all happy.  So happy Evan got off and Xander didn't.  He moaned but nibbled on his throat, letting Radek and him switch positions.  Xander was clearly close and Radek was insane.  He sat up and pulled Xander on top of him.  "No, same position," Radek ordered, letting Xander lean back against Radek's chest.  It kept him deep and only left him a little room for movement but it was fine with them.  Xander finally got off with a muttered swear.  Radek laughed, letting himself go.  Xander was limp in his lap.  Evan was against their sides.  It was good.  Xander finally moved and shifted, wincing at his hip's movement.  "I don't know why she didn't use the healing wand," Evan complained.

"I don't think she can use it," Radek admitted.  "Not much gene in her if at all.  I can't remember if she does have it."  He stretched and stroked over Xander's back.  "Oil?"  Evan got the special oil out for him, letting them relax Xander with that.  He couldn't take a hot bath with the stitches.  Probably not for another month.  No matter how much they'd like that.

Xander winced and shifted again so Evan threw on sweats and went down to the infirmary.  He knew they hadn't hurt him.  He walked in and went to the cabinet of ancient tech.  "Doc, this'll heal the incision some?" he asked, pulling it out.  "It's basically idiot proof, right?"

"Watch the incision to make sure it closes well."  She handed him the scanner.  "He all right?"  He stared at her.  "It's obvious, Major.  You smell like lust."  She glanced around.  "I was going to ask one of you or Sheppard to help him later this week.  I know it's not good on serious vein injuries and that had to heal first."

He nodded.  "I'll do my best, doc.  Fully charged?"  She nodded.  "Thanks."  He walked out, getting a few things to nibble on from the caf.  He went back up there.  "Radek."  He smiled.  Xander gave a sleepy grunt.  Evan sat beside Xander, letting Radek help him move a bit.  He ran the scanner over it and slowly worked the wand over it.  "It's not healing the vein injury at all.  The incision is closing though.  So it'll be a deep injury, Xander."  Xander purred.  He smiled.  "Vibrating?"  Xander nodded.  "Figures."  He poked him on the side with it.  "Behave and I'll help you take a hot bath."

"I'd love a hot bath."  He watched as the incision slowly mostly closed.  It was a lot nicer to look at now.  He relaxed and let his hip spread.  It didn't hurt nearly as much.  Evan stole a kiss and Radek stole his own from them.  Xander moaned and stretched.  "I can move."

"You sure can," Evan agreed, winking at him.  "Let me give this back."  He watched Radek take it back.  "Sure, you can do that.  I'll go start the bath."  He went to do that.

"I feel like a spoiled princess."

"You're not a princess unless you're wearing the hat and a pair of falsies," Evan called.  "Spoiled is normal when you're being doted on by your lovers."  He came out to look at him, taking off the sweats.  "But you know that."  Xander raised a hand.  Evan leaned down to kiss him, then looked in the bathroom before kissing him again.  Xander hummed and tried to pull him down.  "Tub," he reminded him.  He helped Xander up.  "How's your range of motion?"

"Better.  Tomorrow I think I can go down to a cane."

"Good."  He took them in there to check the water.  Xander tipped in bubbles and he smiled at it.  He had that look of boyish glee again.  He almost wanted to hand him some toy boats and things.  Radek came back.  "You don't look happy."

"Ellis just announced the Apollo's engines broke," he said quietly.  "They're on their way here so it'll be late."

"Should we go find them?" Xander asked.

"No.  They're closer to Midway and they have help there.  I'm not being asked to go.  Rodney probably will be."

"Then you'll be the brilliant and mostly nicer head of science," Xander said with a smile.  "I'll bring lunch."

Radek kissed him.  "I'd like that."

"Staff meeting?"

"In about an hour.  For now I can soak."  They all got in and got arranged.  Xander was happily lounging and batting at the bubbles.   Evan and Radek's hands ran into each other while they were teasing Xander's chest.  They kissed over top of him, earning a pout.  "You'll get yours," he promised with a smirk.  "We do not want to strain that wound any more than we have to so we have to be gentle."

"Gentle is very nice."

"Hmm, we do require your pleasure as well as ours," Evan agreed, stroking over Xander's stomach.  He found a ticklish spot and Xander wiggled to get him away from it.  He grinned.  "Ah, ammunition for later," he teased, stealing another kiss.  He pulled Xander into his lap, letting him rub against him.  "How is it?"

"Better.  Stretchy but not too sore."

"So we'll be gentle.  Because I can wait for a few more weeks until you can willingly stretch yourself across my lap and ride me until you're tired," he soothed, running a hand up the warm cock.

"I'm glad it's working," Xander admitted quietly.

"Xander, even if you were so limp and tiny you couldn't do anything to a fish, we'd still like you," Radek said.  Xander sniffled and hugged them.  It wasn't glamorous or mushy but it had been what he needed to hear.  He watched while Xander and Evan teased each other then stole him.  "My turn before I get jealous and have to pounce you both for being pretty together."

"You'd pounce us both?" Evan teased.

"Definitely."  Evan smirked at that.  "And spank you for being so cocky."  He indulged in his Xander feeling and rubbing time and it was good.  The boy was warm and there, which was what he needed.  He shivered but Xander hugged him and it was better.  Evan was there too.  That helped a lot.  His comm beeped so he put it into his ear.  "Is not time yet," he said firmly.  Rodney snarked it was.  "Give me twenty.  Am getting cuddles."  He hung up and went back to it.  He needed this.  They all needed this.  Xander gave him a kiss and so did Evan so he got up and got dressed, heading down there.  He walked into the lab.  "You have horrible timing."

"I heard you were in the infirmary?" Rodney asked dryly.

"It was far enough along that we could heal some of the opening.  Still bruised veins that need to finish healing and slight incision.  Much better."

"I'm guessing that's why you have a few bubbles in your hair," he said.

Radek ran a hand through them and smiled when he felt them pop.  "Xander wanted bubbles.  Looked adorable in them."   The rest of the department came in.  "Why are you damp?" he asked Rodney.

"Swimming off the pier by force."

One of the chemists smiled.  "We made him."

"Thank you.  He needed the uncranky time."  They all saw the grumpy look.  "Why did they break down?"

"We're not sure yet.  Ellis hasn't sent a reason."  He went over what they knew and picked out his team to go with him.  They went to pack, change, and gate to Midway, where they could get a shuttle to the ship.  Radek was in charge and he could deal with the drugged people and the chemist that had been causing him problems.  Or have Xander scare them straight maybe.

***

Xander walked in the next morning on his new cane.  A few people clapped.  He smiled at them.  "Six more weeks according to the doc.  Then I get to rebuild up to sparring."  They all hooted.  He got food and sat down at the usual table, nodding at Ronon and Teyla.  "Are you guys coming to help us pick up the eggs the Genii took?"

"They did?" Ronon asked.  Xander nodded.  "Are they near hatching?"

"No.  Dragons take about a year and a half to hatch."

"Good, then I have time to find a hat before they all decide I'm their best friend and chew off the rest of my hair."

Xander patted him on the wrist.  "That's how the Genii got them to cooperate."

Ronon grunted.  "We'll train them off it.  Mine and only mine."  Xander grinned at that.  "You aren't going."

"Bet me."

"You're still injured," Teyla pointed out.  "If they fight...."

"I have weapons."

"Good point," she said, looking at Ronon.

"I would go too if they were mine."

"Fine.  I'm sure John will disagree."

"We'll tell him that later," Xander said dryly.  He dug in.  "Anyway, the incision's healed most of the way.  Evan got the ancient healing beam thingy to work."

"That is nice for smaller cuts," Ronon agreed.  "Fully closed?"

"Not yet.  Few more weeks.  Then I can work back up to sparring."

"Then it's better than it could have been."

"Yup, I could be one-legged Xander," he agreed.  "And impotent Xander too."

"That sort of injury would cause a problem for a while, but your men would make due and still stay," Ronon told him firmly.

Xander smiled.  "They said that too."  He dug in and grimaced.  "Oatmeal masquerading as sausage?"

"They were making it stretch by putting oats in the meat," Ronon said.

"Hmm.  Well, full meal right there."  He finished up because he'd had worse.  Then he got some soda to bring with him to the meeting area.  John had just called both prime teams and his.  John smirked at him.  "I'm going because they're my grandkids."

"I know but you're getting an honor guard of your team."  Xander sat down beside Jon.  "That good with you, O'Neill?"

"Fine with me.  Tilla's back to walking too.  Fischer and Xander can look over the eggs."  He looked him over.  "Fully sealed?"

"Mostly."  He took another drink and put his soda on his thigh, holding it in place.  "The tent is about 2 klicks from the gate.  It's in a clearing so it's safer.  I doubt it's blown over unless they've had a massive storm.  It's a long ago culled world so no people and no threat of wraith.  By the way, did Rodney tell you they asked about seeing the life vine?"

"He did.  Both reports were very comprehensive.  How did they get the dragons?"  He pointed at Ronon's hair.  "They had one do dreads?"

"Yeah and when they knocked us out that one had it.  One of the really young ones we hadn't seen before."

"No wonder they destroyed others then," Ronon said, petting Mira.  "He did not take you?"

"He's going to be stuck in the engine tubes for days," John said.  "I'm formally dragon sitting but we all know she'll go wherever she wants."  They all nodded at that.  "Jon, your team is Xander's guard.  Nothing else today.  Cam, they're not scared of you yet.  Make sure they leave with the impression you're the bitch of the universe right behind Xander."

"Got it," he agreed.  Xander took off his necklace and handed him two things that grew then put it back on.  "Thanks, Xander."  He grinned at the weapons.  "Will they work?"

"Those two I had to fix.  I'm hoping so.  If not, the armory has some that're just as big."

"That's good," he decided.  He handed one to Teal'c, who had only gotten there the other day, and kept one for himself.  "Jackson?"

"I'm going," he promised.  "I'll be damned and you'll need help getting them back.  There's no telling how many there are."

"We need a scanner," Xander said.  "So we can do the ultrasound thing."  That got a note made.  "If they're not healthy we should probably bury them there so neither one will be in a rage over it."

"Agreed, "John said.  "So they're staying?"

"Yup.  Amrand's still sleeping in.  Mira, go sun on Nila."  She ran out, cheeping happily.  He looked at them.  "Nila, can you keep an eye on the dragons?" he called.

"Of course.  I will see you once you get back with the eggs," she said from Daniel's laptop speakers.

"Thank you," John said.  "Xander, when we get back, go dust your office and play with your plants?  They're looking droopy again.  Even though I know you fed them yesterday."

"I can do that and steal all my books back too," he agreed.

"They might pout if you did," Cam told him.  "I had to stop some that wanted to ransack and loot in case you were leaving."

"Evan said the same thing."

"Probably the same group," John decided.  "We can point that out later."

Xander shrugged.  "I'm not under contract."  John stared at him.  "I'm not."

"I know.  You good to go today?"

Xander sighed.  "I can walk, I'll just be slow."

"You can use the chair today," Daniel offered.

"Still broken."

"Huh.  Okay.  Never mind."  He looked at John.  "When's the next databurst?  Tonight?"  John nodded.  "Anything shocking coming?"

"Not that I know of."  He looked at the kid.  Xander was like a lost little kid who was pretending to be brave all to often.  "You can sit out."

"I didn't know you had a lot of experience with eggs."

"No, I don't," he admitted.  "Okay."  Faith walked in with Kissen.  "What's up, guys?"

"Going with," Faith said.  "That way I can make sure none of the eggs like me."

"If they do, it might be good for you," John offered.

"No thanks.  I'm not exactly able to pay that much attention to anyone or anything right now."

Xander patted her on the hip, all he could reach.  "They pick their owners based on what they feel from them as I was told.  Mira's a smartass who likes coffee so she went to Rodney."  The rest of the group laughed.  "And they're very cuddly when you need one."

"I can rent one for an hour," she reminded him.  She moved the hand.  "No petting either."

Xander grinned.  "You're just as exotic and rare as a dragon, Faith."  She blushed but walked off shaking her head.  He stared at Kissen, getting a grin back and him following.  He'd do her good he decided.  Jon poked him so he looked at him.  "What?"

"That was nice," he said quietly.

"She is.  She's a smart, in-touch, strong woman.  Those are rare."

"They are."  He looked at John again, who was staring at them.  "What?"

He smiled.  "We all know that you two look at Faith like a sister."

"Yeah, we do," Jon agreed.  "Though, the next one who tries to set me up with Dawn, stop it before you even start.  She's jail bait."

"Only part of the time," Xander said.  "Ianto said she came out with wisdom of the ages the other day that made Jack cackle."  He took a sip of his soda.  "So, when do we go, boss?"

"An hour."  Xander nodded.  "Cam, do what you can to appear as caveman, 'shooting fun' as you can."  He nodded at that with an evil smirk.  "Teal'c, you can be as impressive as you want.  It took them this long to think that Xander isn't scary."

"They still treated us very well while they had us," Xander said.  "Both Rodney and I agreed it was the nicest kidnaping.  I had my pack with me.  He got to watch tv on my laptop.  They handed back the pets when they killed people.  They kindly took the food back when I noted Rodney's allergy to citrus.  Gave us whole new trays and full trays to the dragons.  Didn't scream at us when I tazed one.  They still know I'm scary and I'm betting they were hoping for some more cooperation."

"Possibly.  Be mean today, okay?"

"Gladly.  They stole my grandkids."  He gave him a dirty look.  "I wonder if I can change my cane for an axe today."  He went to look at his axes.  A few might do but they might bend under the pressure of his full weight for a long hike.  He tested another one he didn't like as much.  Even weaker.  He looked at the last one.  It was a heavy ass axe.  Cold iron.  Ancient as anything.  That might do.  He pulled it down and shined it, making sure it was sharp too.  Then he gathered guns.  He walked down there doing up his tac vest as he waited for the others.  John gave the axe a look.  He smiled and used it as a cane.  John smirked back.  "It'll work and it'll hold me."

"Sure."  They walked through the gate and headed out to the site.  John looked around.  "This is a good site for off-days," he decided.  "Xander, can we bum the site?"

"Sure, but there's no fishing."

"That's cool.  If we want fishing we can do it off the north pier since your friends have migrated."  He looked around, nodding.  "Nice set up."  He spotted the tent, which was still standing.  "Very nicely done, Xander."  He beamed back at him.  "Yeah, definitely stealing this for a vacation day."  They arranged themselves.  Xander had brought his whet stone so he sat down to sharpen the axe.

Teyla looked at it.  "Aren't those ancient symbols?"

"Yup."  He pointed at each one and told her what they meant then went back to his sharpening job.  Finally they heard the gate open.  He gave it one last stroke and stood up, leaning casually on his axe.  Cata gave him a horrified look.  "They're my grandchildren, Cata.  Not like I can have kids."  The Genii leader shuddered.  "Hand 'em all over."

"We can't keep even one?"

"No.  You stole them.  They'll pick someone who they like to bond to so even if it was a present it doesn't mean they'll go to them."

"Oh."  He called and the other three were brought.  "Ancient technology?"

Xander stared at him.  "No, pissed off."

"I'm sorry but the higher ups wanted them."

"So your higher ups were like our higher ups?" Cam asked, cocking the huge gun he had in his hands.  They all swallowed.  "Good to know.  John?"

"They have a lot of innocents," he admitted.  "But we did have a treaty."  Cata looked horrified.  He stared back.  "I remember General O'Neill made that one, right?"

Cata swallowed.  "We will honor it.  Those higher ups will be exposed."  He bowed and they ran for it.  The Genii didn't flee but they knew their lives were about to end.  Xander was going to lose his temper by the look on his face.  The others with weapons would give them a merciful death.  Xander would chop them into pieces before they died.  Then after they died.

John looked at Xander.  "Calm down."

"They aren't warm or protected."  He sat down with a sigh, pulling over the scanner to look each egg over.  Jon took a second look to verify his views.  "The three they wanted were duds," he announced.  He put the others into the carriers they had brought.  The last one was a dud too but Jon shook his head.  "You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm seeing something."

John took them for a last look.  All three showed up as having something in them to him.  "Stronger gene, stronger equipment, but I don't think these three are dragons unless they start out looking like tadpoles."  He let them see it.  They went into a separate carrier and were marked.  Xander had already marked the 'saw wings' group.  They went back to the city, where Atlantis set them up a nice nesting area in the lanar.  It was warm, sunny, and someone had put some faux fur down in the bed.  They marked the ones with wings with stickers and the four others with another color sticker then arranged them.  "Turn them daily?"

"Yup, turn them daily, keep them warm.  They'll slowly soften as time goes on."

"We can do that," he agreed.  He gave one a last pet and they left.  When they were softer they'd drop bug netting around them to keep any pegasus insects off them.  They went back to Xander's office, which was missing books.  Xander did something and all his books flew back in and reshelved themselves.  A few were more stubborn.  Xander patted one spot.  "You're good."  Daniel's current book quit struggling.  A few others had to be released from drawers or rooms.  They restored themselves and he smirked, doing a cleaning spell as well.  It dumped the dust off the balcony.  The plants perked up for some petting.  He had a few meatballs in the mini-fridge so they played catch with them then got sat outside for some sun and bug time.  It was a pretty good afternoon.

John shook his head, looking around.  "I'm going to miss this once we're on earth."

Xander smiled.  "You can visit.  They might even make Rodney the chief scientist since so many of the labs are probably broken."

"No, I'm told Radek is getting it and Miko is getting whichever one she wants.  Unless Cam and his team want to switch off.  Then we'd see."  He patted the boy on the back.  "Not like we're not close.  It's just a beam away," he joked.

Xander grinned.  "Some day I'm going to have to build a personal teleporter using that stuff."

"You get it working and people will kiss your ass," he promised with a smile.  The boy blushed.  "For that they'd get beaten by Radek and Evan, Xander.  They're possessive."

"Yeah, they are."  He grinned and tossed another meatball out there.  Gomez caught it and smoked a bit.  He looked at him.  "If you need a day off you can borrow the tent too."

"I'm going to do that this weekend."

"You can borrow the laser pistol too."

"Thanks, Xander."  He gave him a pat on the arm.  "Rest.  It's a big day."  He left, going back to his dreaded paperwork.  He found the wormhole from Midway closing.  "Data burst early?"  Chuck nodded.  "He set up another politician?"

"No, sir, the IOA just got blown open."  He let him see the base-wide announcement.  John sighed.  "Not through his meanness to those who upset him but because of the slow leak someone went looking and ran into them."

"Okay.  Warn anyone heading back for a break.  Do not take anything with a patch.  That's standard but put out a reminder.  Anything else come from the leaking?"

"They said they thought the footage was a hoax but they had proved it with another government's tape that it wasn't," Chuck said, looking at him.  "The semi-legitimate press is having a field day."

"World Weekly News?" he guessed.

"Them too.  We're not sure what's going on yet.  Landry is in a snit."

"Yay.  Deny until you can't deny anymore is the military's motto.  He knows it too."  He went to his office to finish up on that paperwork.  If Landry was in a snit he needed to get it done now instead of in a few days.  He sent it all back with the data burst going back and it was better for him.  They had gotten one from McKay saying the ship was limping their way and what he needed Radek to do so he called him up.  "An official request from Ellis and McKay, Radek."

He read it over then printed it.  "I'll try."  He left, going to do that.  He went up to Xander's office.  "Xander, do you know anything about spaceships not named Enterprise?"

"A few.  Why?" he asked cautiously.

"Would that be forbidden for anyone to know?"

"Don't know.  Why?"

"Because we have problems with the Apollo."

"I know that.  What's wrong?"  Radek let him look at it.  Xander sighed and grabbed his bracelet, taking Radek to his storage area.  "Look for a blue box."

"Blue?"

"Blue.  Ensign blue."

Radek smiled and looked.  He found a few boxes and they were all on space travel and ships.  He found a few with a blue sticker and they were the same.  He gathered them together to look through.  Xander got a few other things to go back with him.  Including one very pretty thing.  Radek came over to look.  "Formal collar?"

"My one from Octi.  I was going to offer it to John so he could give it to the planet where they wear that sort of thing."

Radek stroked his cheek.  "Sell it and make Octi sorry he wasn't better to you," he said quietly.  The door opened.  "I thought you got that straightened out."

"I did.  Hi, guys."

"Sir, who are you?" the obvious agent asked.

"This is my shit.  Who in the hell are you?"

The man in the lead coughed.  "ID, sir?"  Xander called his wallet and held up his Sunnydale ID.  The agent winced.  "Then this is your storage area, yes, sir, and the one next to it has some art and other books I think.  Plus some furniture that wouldn't fit in here.  We're adding to our area from a local office, sir.  Just being cautious."  They left, closing and locking the door behind themselves.

Xander grinned, taking a kiss.  "See?"

"I like you being scary and he man."  He went back to his books, finding what he needed and wanted.  "Can we take all these?"

"No.  Not all of them can get out, Radek."

"I know."  He found what he wanted and looked up.  "Specific boxing?"

"Usually.  Spare boxes in the back probably."  Radek got one and put them in there and got two more since they'd fit.  Xander pointed at one, shaking his head.

"It's the Asgard part of the engine," he said quietly.

"Crap.  You need the brown and blue book then," he sighed, finding it for him and handing it over.  Radek smiled and they gathered up what Xander wanted and took it back with them.  Radek went to the lab.  Xander walked the small bag down to the office, nodding before walking in.  "Got ten?"

"Gladly."  He walked with him.  He knew Xander needed to walk to work on his hip.  "Want to go to your office?"  He looked tired.

"No.  I don't really want these up there."  They ended up sitting on a public balcony and he handed the bag over.  "You can use those if you need to."

John poured the bag out, gasping at them. "Xander?"

He pointed.  "My collar from Octi.  I know one planet wears them for status."  He pointed at another.  "Two other gifts from bastard boyfriends."  He pointed at the last one.  "Asha gave me that pin."

John looked at him then shifted closer.  "You're not depressed, right?"

Xander shook his head.  "No, I shouldn't have them when I have someone better now.  Or even two someone's better."

"True, but they might let you talk about it."

"I don't need the therapy, John."

"You sure?"  Xander nodded.  "These are expensive, Xander."

"I know, but I have prettier in there.  Even a prettier bastard boyfriend set of presents and collars."  He gave him a look.  "That one's fairly simple but it was for everyday wear."

"Then thank you.  We could use it."  He gave him a hug before putting things up.  "You sure you're okay?  You look tired."

"I'm fine.  I took Radek to get into my books on ship design," he said quietly.

"Uh-huh.  Figures such a sci-fi geek would have some," he teased with a grin.

Xander smirked and nodded.  "Definitely.  Some even Rodney can't see yet."

"Ah."  He patted him on the knee, feeling the tremor.  "Leg tired?"

"I'll go swim and it'll be fine."

"Build slowly, Xander.  Even if we have an attack, you're going to either be in the chair or helping.  Remember, you're a geek now, not a Marine."  He stood up and helped him up.  "Got it?"  Xander nodded.  "Good.  Now go rest.  You could use the rest.  It's your first full day back at work."  Xander smiled and walked off slowly.  "Take some tylenol," he called after him.

"I will once I'm up there."

"Good."  He watched him go all the way to the transporter, then it was only a matter of ten steps to the office and wherever he wanted to lay down in there.  John went to talk to the diplomats.  The collar wearing people were upset with them because they didn't hold to their version of status.  Maybe a gift would help.  They were happy with it.  One of the diplomats nearly danced with pleasure.  They had uses for the other two too.  They were pretty and not highly valuable but things that weren't available in this galaxy.

Evan walked into the office just after John got back with two cups of coffee.  "They're already reusing grounds," he warned.

"Hmm, dishwater coffee," he complained, taking a sip.  He moaned in pleasure.  "You stole from McKay's personal stash from Christmas?"

"No.  Xander's stash."  He smirked.  "He is a hedonist."  He stretched then sat down again.  "He's also napping on his couch."

"He was shaky earlier but he decided he was fine.  I sent him up to rest."

"He's resting curled around Armand.  It was so cute I had to take a picture."

"You have it so bad," John taunted with an evil smirk.

"Yeah, I kinda do.   So, what was he doing today?"

"He took Radek to get into some of his future engineering books for stuff to help McKay and got a few things we could use as trade."  He tossed over the last one.  "I want to have that one examined more.  It's from Asha."

Evan looked it over.  "Looks like a normal broach."  He put it on the desk and it lit up.  "Ah, it's tech."

"I think so.  I'm not sure why though."  They stared as it went out.  "So we'll look it over.  We are going back to the collared people's place.  See if Xander can watch the tapes and figure out their social structure?"

"I can do that."  He grinned.  "One was his?"

"From Octi."

"Another bastard I'd like to beat."  He took a drink of his coffee.  "Paperwork?"

"Done.  Landry was in a snit over someone finding the IOA."

"Pity."  He took another drink and palmed the broach.  "I'll see if Miko can look at it for us."  He got up and took it down to her.  "Miko, are you busy for McKay's project?"

"No, not yet.  I'm looking things up.  Why?"  He put down the broach and it glowed then went out.  "What is that?"

"Asha gave it to Xander," Radek said, looking over.  "It glowed?"  Evan nodded.  "Not for carriers of the gene?"

"Tables so far," he admitted.

He sighed and nodded.  "Very well then.  We will put it on list."

"Since Xander gave it over, we wanted to make sure it didn't mean anything."  He took another drink then handed Radek his cup.

Radek moaned, getting attention.  "Breaking into sacred stash of coffee will get us both beaten.  He will know," he said with a smile.

"It's from Xander's sacred stash.  Not Mean Uncle Rodney's."  He took his cup back and walked out, leaving the broach there.

Radek looked at Miko.  "We may have to break into our hoarded supply as well."

"I got us better coffee," she offered.  "Last time I was on leave."

He beamed.  "I do adore your mind.  You would make us beg for it."  She laughed and nodded.  They found what they needed and had no idea how to make it.  He sent that to Rodney's computer, which had somehow popped up with an IM that worked like Xander's, nearly anywhere.   He loved it when Xander spoiled them.  He'd have to spoil him back once they got things fixed on the Apollo.  Xander did a lot of little things that no one seemed to realize.  He smiled as he typed in that remark, and got back a snide one from Rodney that he had put it on at the same time he had infected his hard drive with frivolous games.  Radek pointed out they helped his concentration to take a break finally.  Rodney didn't know how to machine that part either.  Radek sighed and said he'd be back, going up to wake up Xander.  He looked so adorable cuddling Armand he had to take a picture.  The noise roused him enough to grunt.  "Xander, by any chance you don't have a space ship sitting around, do you?" he asked.

"Why would you think I would?"

"Because you always want a way to escape."  Xander held up his wrist with his bracelet.  "Beyond that."

Xander blinked at him.  "I don't own a tardis of my own," he said with a pout.  "They hate me too."

Radek took a quick kiss to erase that pout.  "Are you certain?"

"Why?"

"We have no idea how to make necessary part."

Xander sighed, getting up to come down with him.  "What blew?"  He sat down with Armand on his lap.  Armand cheeped at them but was sleepy and cuddly right now.  Miko gave him a pet and Xander one too.  He grinned at her.  "He thinks I have a secretly hidden space ship somewhere, Miko."

"I wouldn't doubt it about you, Xander.  Nothing would surprise me sometimes."  She smiled and went back to work.  "Do you have any idea how or why this broach glows whenever it touches the table?"

"He told me once it was so I could find my way to him."

"Hmm."  She put it on a wall and it lit up on one side.  "Ah!"  She traced it all over Atlantis, finally finding his part of the city with a bit of help from the AI herself.  The broach also keyed the entry when she got close so she got to step inside.  She looked and gasped.  Furniture!  She called Radek babbling and then Daniel babbling the same thing.  They came up with Xander in tow to look.

Xander pointed.  "You sat on those and you slept on those," he said bluntly.  He yawned again.  Armand sniffed and grimaced.  "It's stale air, I know."  He petted him.  He walked off, going to lay down after being amused about them thinking he had a hidden spaceship.  Not like he owned a space cruise ship or something.  He had lost that poker bet.  And had to sleep with someone nasty because of it.  He laid down with a yawn, going back to sleep on his couch in his office.  This healing stuff sucked.  Armand yawned in his face so he grumbled about dragon breath but it was okay.

Daniel walked around the room.  "Toss it to me, Miko?"  She did and it opened a drawer in the desk.  He looked, a letter in a sealed package.  Some other things.  He smiled.  "We'll keep these for Xander."  She nodded, coming over to look.  She went to look at the other things.  The clothes were all but crumbling.  The linens too but it did give them enough to establish a pattern on the fabric.  They filmed it and then had that AI preserve everything she could in a stasis field for now.  The anthropologists were going to adore this find.  Daniel got the AI to open the other rooms near there.  Most of them were empty.  They hadn't done more than check this tower for livability since it was so far from the command center.

23: Dick Teases

Xander yawned as he came in for dinner.  "I feel like shit," he told Evan.  Doctor Keller walked up behind him with her scanner.  He pouted.  "Mean, hurts."

"Does not," she countered.

"Does too.  I can feel that beam today."

"You shouldn't be able to."  She scanned deeper and nodded.  "The fishman taint is a bit stronger than it had been," she decided.  She took another scan of his hip area and glared at Evan, who stared back.  "I said none of that yet."

"Blow yourself," Xander said, turning to look at her.  "I needed it.  Thank you for making sure I still work," he said, giving her a sleepy hug.

Her scanner beeped so she had Evan use it on him.  Then Jon since he was trying to eavesdrop.  She stared at him.  "What did you eat today?"

"Breakfast, coke during the meeting.  Why?"  He yawned again.

"Sedative.  Lots and lots of sedative."  He growled.  Armand growled and quit being so sleepy too.  She scanned him.  "Him too.  Huh."  She walked around him, finding the spot.  "Evan, he has a small nodule there that's a lot like a drug capsule."

He looked.  "No scar."

Xander looked at his arm then took Evan's knife to open the spot and pop it out.  No matter how much she fussed and gasped about it.  He looked at it.  "I didn't put that in there.  I wonder which ex did it."

"Not the Genii?" Keller asked.

"No.  They wouldn't want me sedated.  Then I couldn't use my brain for them."  He yawned again.  "This sucks."

She found a few others and the city beamed them out of Xander, and another two things.  "What are those?" she asked.

He looked.  "Mayan sacrificial disk that grew into my skin.  And...."  He picked it up to look at.  "Huh.  Something Asha used to wear on a pendant."  He handed it to over to her.  He felt better.  "Thank you, AI's."  He blinked at the doctor.  "I'm still tired."

"It's still in your system, Xander.  Evan, make him eat then take him to bed.  Cuddles only," she ordered firmly.

"He needed it," he assured her.

"I don't care!"

"We were careful."

"I can tell.  Still."  She walked off after gathering the capsules.  She wanted to know what they were and if she could make that sedative for their use.  A few got put into a sample container so the main lab could try it their way too.

Xander sat down, still cuddling Armand, and looked at Evan's tray.  "Soup?"

"Soup," he agreed, letting Xander have it.  He drank it, only letting Armand lick the stuff that dribbled out.  "Go rest and I'll be right up."

"Radek thought I had a hidden space ship," he said dryly.

"Nothing you pulled out of a hidden box or area would surprise me, Xander."  He grinned.  "Go rest, we'll come up to see the sunset?"  Xander beamed and nodded, going up to his office again.  Evan finished the rest of his dinner and got some more soup, heading out to watch over him.  Radek was still in the lab trying to figure out how to make that part.  They had asked Nila about the construction facility but still nothing usable.  He'd have to ask Xander about any manufacturing areas he knew about.  Maybe he knew one.  Nothing would surprise them any more.  Even walking in and having Xander sleeping on his CO's chest.  "Sir," he said dryly.

"He pulled me down when I checked on him," he said quickly.  He tried to move but Xander bit, making him hiss and wince.  "He won't let me move."

Evan sat on the other side, patting Xander's back.  "I can cuddle since he's got to get up for a few minutes and answer a call."  Xander shifted over, cuddling him.  Armand had to quickly move his tail before it got trapped under him but it was good for them.  He smirked and settled in to watch the sunset.  "Can you bring in the plants?"

"That's a mean punishment," he complained but he did it.  No matter how often Morticia tried to grope him with her tentacles.  No matter how much Gomez smoked to entice him to offer up his fingers.  The plants grew on you sometimes.  He left, shaking his head while wiping off tentacle drool.  Well he guessed it proved he was hot after all.  Even plants wanted him.

Radek met him at the transporter.  "You missed a spot from Morticia."  He pointed at it.  Then he walked past him, seeing them cuddled up.  "Xander awake?"

"No.  They found little capsules in his body that were releasing a sedative."

"That was mean."  He nudged Xander gently.  "Do you know anyone who could make such a part?" he asked when he got blinked at.

"I'd get in trouble for going to the twenty-third century again."

"Perhaps but we do need one and there's no one on earth either.  The original group that made it has closed and they confiscated all their machines to destroy them."

"The last time I talked to him, we played poker and he cheated so I lost and had to sleep with him instead of getting a yacht."

"I will not let that happen this time," Radek assured him.  "Please?"  Xander handed over his bracelet.  "I have no idea how to work this thing."

"Concentrate really hard."

"I have no idea what it looks like."  He petted him.  "If not, Rodney will have to be on there for a month.  They will space him."  Xander groaned but took him and Armand, and accidentally Evan, with them.  They came back thirty minutes later with the main part, a new ship for Xander's pleasure, and the designs to six others because Radek could count cards.  Xander smiled at Evan.  "He's very wicked when he wants to be."  Radek hurried off.

"He seems so mild mannered most of the time," he agreed with a grin.  "Bet me how long before Sheppard's up here?"

"Nah.  It'll be tomorrow before he comes up."

"If it's earlier you lose and I get a blow?  If it's later than breakfast, I get to give you one?" he teased.

Xander purred.  "I could like that.  A whole lot of liking it."  Evan kissed him and he snuggled in.  "Thankfully the sedative wore out."

"True.  And we got your traveling work area on the ship."  He called the command center.  "Chuck, it's Evan.  If you're seeing an unmanned, unidentified ship, it's Xander's.  He won it in a poker game when Radek begged him to go fetch that part McKay needed.  Don't blow it up."  He hung up and put his comm aside.  It beeped but he ignored it because he was kissing and it was good.  He'd win this bet.

Xander nibbled on his lip then looked at him.  "You could've asked.  That was cheating."

"I'll give you one anyway?" he offered with a smirk.

"I could like that.  Mutual?"

"Gladly.  I'm only greedy making sure you get yours.  Radek keeps trying to hog you."  Xander grinned at him.

Jon walked into the office and over to them.  "Sheppard is about to blow the top of his brain off.  What did you two do?"

"Radek begged prettily to go see someone who could make the part they needed," Evan said dryly.  "It might not be exact though."

"They can figure it out then.  So you came back with a ship?"

"The guy who could get it for them wanted to play poker for Xander's butt.  We didn't like that so he made it a condition of getting the part.  He hated losing to Radek, who can be a bit evil when he wants to be.  So he got a ship."  Xander grinned at him so Evan kissed him.  "I think you were evilly teasing too."

"Only you."

"Yeah, teasing me to distraction."  He kissed him.  "That was evil playing with my leg when I'm trying to concentrate."  He took another kiss, running hands down Xander's back to pull him closer with a butt-grab.

Jon walked off shaking his head.  "Groping like teenagers," he complained.

"You are one," Xander reminded him.

"Bite my shiny ass," he called back, heading for the transporter.  He went to the command center and cleared his throat.  "Zelenka, will that part work?"

"Is a bit big and too strong but we can fix that I think."  He smirked.  "You do not look pleased."

"That's because I heard how you won him a ship."

"He wanted Xander instead.  We would not allow it."  He shrugged and smirked at them.  "Won plans as well."

John growled.  "Really?"

"They're involved," Jon warned.

"Yay."  He called.  No answer.  He went up there.  They were indeed involved.  He had no idea that lounging couch was low backed enough to give mutual blow jobs.  He sighed and coughed.  Loudly.  Nothing.  He moved closer and sat down, ignoring them to stare outside.  Evan finally pulled off with a slurp to glare at him.  "I want to see it tonight, Major Lorne."

"Bite me.  We're busy and it's Xander's."

Xander pulled off, nuzzling Evan.  "Maybe tomorrow, John."

"You're doing this to taunt me, I know that," he said firmly.

Xander looked up.  "No, Evan cheated to win the bet of when you'd come demand a look over it."

John groaned.  "You two are so bad."

"I like being slightly evil," Xander said with a grin.

Evan smirked back.  "I like you being naughty.  You being slightly evil is too distracting."  Xander purred and went back to his reward.  Evan smirked before going back down on his own reward.

John stomped off, growling.   He got into his jumper so he could go up to look at it.  Jon walked in before he could take off and sat down in the copilot's seat.  John shook his head, closing the hatch door.  It was a nice ride up there.  The ship wasn't too huge.

"Is that an air leak?" Jon asked.

John scanned it.  "No. It's an exhaust vent from the nursery."  They both nodded.  Of course Xander's ship had plants on it.  They slowly toured the outside.  It had a docking area but they wouldn't be able to use it with a jumper.  It had a vacuum air lock system.  He scowled.  "I want on that ship.  He said he had plans too."

"So he told me."  They considered it.  "How would we get on there?"

"Beaming?"

"He might have security on it."

"Good point.  Annoy Xander until he gives up rewarding Evan for cheating on their latest bet?"

"That's mean," O'Neill said dryly, smirking at him.  "So very mean."

"That won't work," Radek said over the communications system.  "By the way, all of us can hear you.  Might want to turn that feature off."

Jon shrugged.  "Radek, we want a tour."

"Not my ship."

"Please?" John asked.

"Still not my ship.  Am going to send this to McKay now."  He did that so they had to go back unsatisfied.   Radek he went to baby his boys.  They had been playing without him so they must be ready for him.  They were napping cutely, naked, and Faith was petting Armand from her usual chair to watch the sunset.  "I should be jealous," he complained.

"When I came in, X had just slurped up from being throat deep on Evie," she said with a smile.  "When they napped I covered them."

"Good.  Thank you."  He patted her on the head.  The lab beeped on his earpiece, making him swear as he went back down there.  McKay didn't like that one.  It might burn out again.  "It should get him back here.  Now we know what it should look like so can make another one.  Have the Asgard core do it."  He walked in looking more disgruntled.  He wanted to play too.

***

John walked into the aerie, looking down at the napping duo.  He nudged them awake.  "You're dick teases.  You bring a brand new toy that you know is going to make someone wet and then won't let them play with it."

"How is that a dick tease since you'll get it sometime this week?" Evan asked.

"It is because you know how pilots crave the new machines."  He stared at them.  "I should get some of those spores and lock you three in separate rooms.  O'Neill agrees with me."  He stomped off.

"Clearly not used to delayed gratification," Evan complained, holding Xander better.

"Maybe a long term cockring spell?" he offered.

"That's evil.  Stay at the slightly evil stage so I can enjoy it without having to find a camera.  That way I can participate."

"I can magic one onto him," he offered.

"Make him wear one when he goes up there," Faith said from her seat.  They looked at her.  "I covered you two.  It was pretty hot looking though."  She smirked.  "I can see why D likes watching the dynamic duo of flirting down there."

"I wonder if Joyce knows she's watching them.  Jack might get Momma Summers up his nose if she does."

"Don't nark.  It's just how she is, Xander."  He kissed him.  Faith grinned.  He looked over at her.  "Unless you wanna see the whole show when I make Xander beg for me, I'd go cuddle Armand in the lanar, Faith."

"Gotcha.  Gay sex goin' on," she said dryly, walking off with the dragon.  Who pouted and snuffled.  "The daddy's gettin' some, Armand.  They don't need dragon assistance."

He snuggled in, helping her look over the eggs.  Ronon came in chasing Mira.  She laughed.  "They're particular."

"They can be," he agreed.  He looked her over.  "You're blushing."

"Am not."

"Are too," he assured her, smirking some.  "It makes you look cute."  He walked off.  "I'm going to bed," he announced.

"Is that an invitation?" she taunted with an evil smirk.

He stared at her.  "Many covet.  Only a few succeed."

"Tell me how to earn it.  I know some women who'd like that secret."

He smirked.  "Only those who come at me directly can earn it."  She strolled over and threw a punch, making him laugh and swat her back.  She wasn't bad but she knew he was better.  Though he seemed to be giving her an opening here and there.  She took one and tripped him, landing on top of him.  "Tripping seems to be a Sunnydale tactic."

"Let's not talk about X.  He and Evie are going at it hot and heavy if he's lucky."

He smirked.  "Gladly."  He kissed her and she responded.  "Come.  We can have fun but nothing serious unless you are going to woo me.  Xander told me a man such as I am should be wooed by the best women who could beat me in a fight."

"If you were for rent, I know whole worlds that would get together to pony up for a single hour," she told him.

He groaned.  "I hope I never come to that."

"Me either, but I might be willing to take you in if you do.  That way you have a warm spot at least on a couch."  He smirked and walked her out.  "Kids, go see Miko," she called.  They ran to see the auntie.

"They never listen to me that way."

"It's because they want to yank on the hair, Ronon."  She gave one braid a test yank.  "I can see why they're fascinated."  He growled.  She smirked.  She got carried the rest of the way.

Teyla spotted them and shook her head.  "Perhaps it is spring's rush," she decided.  "Like in that festival Xander told me about."  She ran into the pouting trio of pilots.  "You should be happier like everyone else," she told them.  "I left a present in your desk, John.  So you could ease that."

"Evan and Xander needed it more.  They're in his office."  She blushed and nodded at that, deciding not to go up there to watch the sunset tonight.  "It's not fair."

"What isn't?" she asked.

"Radek won Xander a space ship and he won't let us look at it until tomorrow."

"Was he not being scanned by Doctor Keller for little dots full of sedative?"

"Yes," John complained.  "He's fine now with the way Evan's sweaty."

"It's good for his conditioning so maybe he'll be able to spar soon," Cam said.

"If you break him too much I have to do my own paperwork," John complained.

"Not to mention Xander's pout," Jon agreed.  "He'd make us miserable."

"Maybe Ellis will talk him into it," Cam offered.

"He won't be back for three days if they get it fixed.  The end of the month if not."  They all groaned.  He pouted, brooding about the fact that Xander had a new class of ship and wouldn't even let him on it.

Radek came walking past them.  "Why are you three pouting this time?" he demanded impatiently.  "Things break when you three pout.  The city does not like it.  I have important plans that I do not want to ruin with fixing things that the city breaks because of your pouting."

"Xander won't let us go up to the new ship," John told him.

"Are you a child that you cannot wait a single day?  If so, perhaps you should be put in restraining device so you learn how to delay gratification."  John shook his head quickly.  "Are you sure?"

"Very, thanks anyway, Zelenka."

"Then wait until Xander is awake."  He walked off again, looking smug.

"I really should get some of those spores and lock those three in separate rooms," John complained.

"Radek and Xander could get them all free," Jon pointed out.  "Then they'd probably go at it in an atrium."

"Not my thing to watch," Cam said, standing up.  "Let me know when we can go up."  He walked off.  Maybe he could talk Xander into letting them go sooner?  He went up to 'watch the sunset' but turned around when he heard the breathy moans.  He didn't want to know what those two or three did in their bedrooms.  He got off and noticed John stomping his way.  "Lock off the aerie for a bit?"

"Still going at it in the office?"

"Yup.  Loudly."

John ordered them locked off outside of Radek and the AI agreed so they could go do something else.  Radek had added some of those grapes to his hooch so maybe it'd taste better now.

***

Jack O'Neill watched as the beam dropped two people in his office.  "What are you two doing back down here?" he asked patiently.

"Zelenka's mean," Cam told him.

"Why is your science second-in-command mean?" he sighed.

"He won a ship in a poker game and said it's Xander's.  Xander said it's his, it's only Xander's if they marry.  Which made a certain Major cackle and said that they could do a prenup, but Radek is pouting and said that what will happen will and doesn't believe in prenups, and they won't let us into the new ship until they decide who owns it," John explained.

"Ship, like on the ocean?"

"Ship, like Ellis nearly had a cow," Cam corrected.  "And plans.  Which may not be of much help but Rodney got a good look and threw a fit."

"I think I know why on that part," John admitted.  "Since it's kinda from a bit from now, from where Xander went to build stuff, I think maybe Rodney had some hand in the ship's design."

"So we have a new space ship that Xander and/or Radek own?" he asked to make sure.

"And plans," John said.

"Ooookay," he sighed.  "Why won't they let you two look before then?"

"Because they don't want us to touch stuff before they know who owns it," Cam grimaced.  "They've 'worked on the discussion' a few times."

"Hmm."

"I'm ready to spore them," John said quietly.  "Not that they need it."

Jack snickered.  "Young love is cute."

"Radek said it's Xander's because he does so much for us.  Xander said it's Radek's because they're not married so no community property and he won it in the card game."

Jack tapped his fingers a few times.  "Are they good plans?"

"I don't know.  The outside looks a bit ungainly," John said.  "Rodney said that things weren't what he expected."

"Yeah, let's go look," he decided.  Both pilots grinned at him.  "Jon?"

"Begging for us.  When we pouted they made us wait; Radek threatened to put us in cock rings."

"Figures."  They got beamed back and walked through to Midway, waiting the quarantine time so they could go to the city.  "Xander, Radek?" he called as he walked down the ramp.  They came out of the control room still bickering.  "Good, you can both show us," he ordered.  They stared at him.  "Now.  And McKay too.  C'mon."

"We don't have an appropriate docking structure," Radek told him.

"Can't the Apollo dock with it?"

"It's got an extension airlock," Xander offered.

"We can figure it out," he promised.  "One of you head over there to manipulate it from that side."  Xander sighed but did that with Radek.  They got beamed to the Apollo.  "Let's dock with them, Colonel," he said, scaring the crap out of the bridge crew.  They saluted.  He waved them down.  "We're going to the ship Zelenka won in a poker game."  Ellis moaned.  "McKay?"

"Fussing on Atlantis.  On threat of being spaced," Ellis sighed.  He got him beamed up, mid sentence.  "Good, now you can go."  They walked down to the airlocks to watch it happen.  They manipulated things until it made a tight enough seal and then walked over.

Rodney headed to the bridge, getting into something.  "I knew it."

"The Nambia.  Designed by R. McKay," John read over his shoulder.  He patted him on the back.  "Nice job."

"Not bad.  I can do better."  He smirked.  "I should beat them."

"Probably."  He walked him off.  "Nambia?"

"Couldn't think of a better N name."

"Ah."  They went to look around.  It was a compact, two or three person ship.  Two state rooms, one bathroom.  Small oxygen recycling center and garden to help that along.  A lot of plants that only Xander might know.  The bridge was small and useable by a single person.  The engineering center was decent enough.

Rodney found the boys in the mess, having a drink.  "Did you have any idea?" he asked.

"Not until that night," Radek admitted.  "It is not a bad plan.  Bit fussy on the decorating though."

"They're sound and vibration baffles," he said dryly.  "What plans?"  Xander pointed at the rolls spread across the tables.  He looked.  "Six of my older ones.  None of the new ones.  Pity."  He looked around.  "I can clearly do better."  He looked at his minions.  Because Xander was a minion even if he wouldn't agree.  "What are you bringing back down?"

"I can't bring all the plants," Xander said.  "We have nowhere to plant them safely.  They'd be exposed when we're flying back."

"Shields," Rodney said impatiently.

"And they'd be the first to go if we had a problem and had to draw them in to protect the people."

"Good point," he sighed.  He considered it.  "Can it travel?"  Xander nodded.  "Do you have somewhere set up to actually plant them?"

"Cardiff?"

"You have a planting area in Cardiff or are you going to overload Dawn with plants?" he asked dryly.

"Both?" he guessed.  "She'd like Morticia and Gomez."

He groaned, shaking his head.  "Get samples for Botany of anything useful.  You can have some time off to go run Dawn ragged with plants."

"Sure."  He held up the sample containers on the tray behind him.  "These?"

"Good.  Any other personal items in case we get hit with an attack?"

"She can land," Xander said.  "'Cause she's got no weapons."

"We can land her?" Cam asked, popping out of nearly nowhere.

"Yeah, but taking off is going to heat the land."

"We can do that away from the Athosians."  He looked around.  "She can be landed," he called.

"Put her where the tent is," John called.  "It'll be safe there and we can put a cloak on her."  He hit that setting.  "It's built in."

"The Genii might find it," Jack reminded him.

"I can make sure they don't," Xander offered.  "But that's kinda far away, guys."

"True," John agreed.  "McKay probably wants to crawl over it."

"Someone did do a decent job of interpreting my genius," Rodney told him.

Xander handed him a cup of stuff.  "Try it."

Rodney did and looked at him.  He felt the caffeine kick in and nodded, drinking again.  "Not bad.  Juice?"

"Yup.  The air purifier plant's sap."

"Interesting.  Bring a sample of this as well."

"Yup, did."

"Thank you."  He walked off drinking it.  It wasn't half bad.  Tasted a bit odd.  An after taste after he finished.  A flap opened next to him and he put the cup into it.  It flashed and the cup was gone.  "Hmm."  He went to check on that system too.  He had designed it and apparently it worked.  He had to do better on his next one.  Since he had a working prototype to test from.  Because he knew Radek would let him and Xander would as long as he taught him what he was doing.  They decided to land her on the continent, well away from the Athosians.  John and Cam brought her down slowly and carefully.

"This is burning the ground the longer you take," Xander pointed out.  "And you have landing gear, people."  He flipped that switch and they landed a few minutes later.  He looked at them.  "See, I'm not making you wait any longer.  Even if I do think you guys need to learn how to wait until the morning.  You must've been pouty hell Christmas Eve."  He walked off, opening the door so they could get outside.  The air port tipped down to give them a walkway.  He got onto the ground, shaking his head.  A jumper landed nearby and he looked over.  "Hi," he said with a grin.

"Xander, did you make a spaceship appear?" the Marine asked.

"Radek won it in a poker game."

"Okay.  So you infected him in your acceptance of doing the impossible.  Is our CO in there?"

"And Cam and O'Neill," he said dryly.  "They're all but cooing 'toys'."

"They're pilots.  Won't that guy in the box be pissed?"

"Radek won it."

"Uh-huh.  If he spanks you can we watch?"

"No.  He probably won't spank.  Me.  Radek...."  He grinned.  "Are you the ferry master?"

"Isn't that someone else's title?" he asked dryly, giving him a look.

"I'll let you ask him that after I tell him."  The Marine groaned.  "Buck up, he's not as bad as Ronon is yet."

"Thank God for small favors."  He walked inside.  "Sirs.  Doctor Jackson and Colonel Ellis would like a report too."

O'Neill looked at him.  "Later."

"They said now, sir."

"Uh-huh.  I out rank them both," O'Neill said.  "The mini me doesn't."

"I'm pretty sure they won't bitch too much, *sir*," Jon said dryly, smirking at him.  "But I remember what you did on leave in Hawaii the first time."

"That's good since I don't," he said dryly.  He walked off.  "Tell them we'll be back there by dinnertime, Marine."

"Yes, sir," he said, going to radio that back.  He got sworn at.  He went back.  "Sir, Vala Mal Doran said that it's mean to make pilots that hot without porn."  The guys all laughed.  "And said if you don't show up for lunch, she's going to have the cities ground you all for being so bad to yourselves.  Atlantis came on the line and agreed you all had to eat.  You were setting bad examples for the dragons and the eggs."

"Eggs?" Jack asked, looking at John.

"The Genii had them for a few hours and took some eggs, had them fertilized," he said. "They're in the public Lanar."

He nodded.  "I'll see that later.  Tell the cities I'm a general, they can't ground me."  A force field showed up around the ship and froze them.  So maybe the cities *could* ground them after all.  Xander was outside giggling, they could all hear it.  The force field got released and the speakers came on.

"I said all boys have to eat," Nila said.  "Even the children of ours."  The speech cut out.

Jack looked at John and Jon.  "Mother henning cities.  I thought you were joking."  They smirked and shook their heads.  "Fine, we'll have lunch," he called.  "Then we'll come back."

"Go ahead, bring me back something," Rodney said, waving a hand.  "Radek?"  He came out to look over his shoulder.  "That looks like your ass backward coding."

Radek gave him a dirty look.  "Was not operational, I had to fix your genius so it worked."  He would ignore the insult.  "You're just jealous I got it to work before you did."  He walked off happier.

Rodney glared at him.  "I'm sure it would work."  He walked back there, taking Radek into a private corner.  "How did they get my plans?" he asked quietly.

"Long after your death."

"My heirs sold them?  Jeannie's family?"

"We were told that long after your death it was decided to be owned by the country since you were so important a person.  It was put into a museum.  We saw pictures and only had this and some wormhole work.  Was after your great-nieces went."

Rodney nodded.  "There weren't more?"

"No clue.  Did not hear if someone fought them or not."  He looked around.  "This was probably a bad idea.  Creates a minor paradox.  Xander said he was going to hand me over if someone complained to the Doctor."

"That might save his ass."  He sighed, running a hand through his hair, looking around.  "Now I know what I need to fix on my next design."  He heard a much liked voice yell out 'hello'.  "We're back here," he called.  The Doctor smiled as he walked in.  "Radek won it in a poker game while they were at Xander's workshop finding out how to make something for the Apollo that broke."

"We did not realize it was his until we were on the way back," Radek sighed.  "I have hidden anything but plans he's already created."

The Doctor stared at him.  "Xander!" he bellowed.  He came bouncing in.  He stared at him.  "Your workshop?"

"The place where I made the extra screwdrivers?" he said.

"Ah, the place where you made your laptop."

"They busted me on that," he sighed, noticing Rodney staring at him.  "Well, Radek did.  I had no part and had no idea.  All I wanted was the part for the Apollo so it wasn't stranded in space limping along."

"Do I detect the hint of an ex boyfriend?" the Doctor asked smugly.

"Wanna be who tried to cheat and get him," Radek said grimly.  "He bet the ship before I could protest and the betting computer agreed to it.  He ordered it to take Xander as a counter bet so I could not lose.  I realize this is bad and will take spanking."

"I should," he sighed.

"We found out Rodney had designed it a few years ago on the way back," Xander said.

"You couldn't leave it there?" he demanded.

"No, it came with the air purifying plants and a few other things," Xander said.  "I couldn't directly bring them through the time stream."  The Doctor stared at him.  "They're your crap."  He opened the closet and pointed.  "Leather jacket from Nine.  Your suit from ten.  Trench coat too."

"Oh, bloody hell," he complained, moving to look at them.  "They still radiate time energy."

"Yeah, the same guy was trying to make a temporal engine.  Radek took it out and put it in the back storage area for you."  He walked him back that way, making the Doctor whine at the paradox engine that was sitting there.  "I decided bringing it forward was safer to the time stream than leaving it back there and possibly getting it stolen or anything else.  Since I couldn't bring them back directly...  Rodney designed it about five years ago," he said quietly.

"Forward knowledge?"

"Radek let on that about a hundred years after he died, Canada confiscated some stuff for a national treasure."  He shrugged.  "He can't get there because of the nature of the stream."

"I realize that."  He sighed, looking at the engine.  "I need to get that somewhere safer."

"Safer here than then when I couldn't directly watch over it before you could get it."

"True."  He looked at him. "Your workshop?"

"You said I can't teach Radek that stuff."

"Are you two staying together?"

"I'm leaving that up to him," he said quietly.  "We're not married.  It's not really possible at this time anyway."

The Doctor grimaced.  "I would rather have all of your little hidden areas moved somewhere safer, Xander.  You knew that before."

"And you agreed to leave them there last time because of the advanced things that might be hiding in there."

"I know and I agree with myself but someone might steal it without you checking on it as often as you used to."  He considered it and tapped his fingers a few times on his thigh.  "All right, Radek, move this to the tardis.  If she fusses, put it into the back room.  Not the control room please."  He nodded, getting help to move it.  He stared at Xander.  "It's hard not telling them."

"Radek," he said.  "Not me."

"He has to read the handbook too.  Plus your other one, Sheppard, and O'Neill just in case."

"Yes, sir."

"No more telling."

"I won't.  I didn't this time."

"Hmm.  You should have erased that mention."

"He would've realized it anyway."

"Good point."  He grimaced, looking around. "This is a bit ungainly."

"He can use it to design better things since he worked on this five years ago and his later one was the 302."

"I saw film of that battle."  He gave Xander a pointed look, getting a shrug back.  "Fine," he sighed.  "This time I won't spank.  What else did you find?"  Xander smirked and led him to one of the bedrooms, locking the door so he could open the panel in the back of the closet.  He stared at it.  "Pirates?" he guessed.

"This had been a personal cruiser that got an air leak and got fixed.  No one found it in sixty years.  The asshole told me how he had gotten it.  A young girl was running from her family's idea of marriage."

"Interesting."  He pulled out the pieces to look at, stuffing a few in his pocket.  "Not seen yet."

Xander took one back and held up the center stone from the back.  "Look familiar?"

He looked then gaped in horror.  "It's yours from your bracelet?"

"Different sun."

"Dawn?" he asked quietly.

"From Jack's family so probably."  He held up something else that he had already put into a drawer.  "Look familiar?"  The Doctor's shoulders slumped.  "According to the journal I found in there, she stole it from him, thinking it was a good luck charm, when she ran."

"So, we're thinking it was Dawn's great-grandchild?"

"Probably."

"He'll shit."

"He'll shit anyway since I traced the line and Madra is of the same line."

The Doctor snickered.  "He will kick his own bum for that."  He took the band to look at.  "It's still disabled at least."

"Jack's isn't."  He stared.  "So I think maybe that paradox engine worked at one time and then blew.  I can't be sure.  I have no idea about those things.  I didn't ask Radek."

"Thank you for that."  He put that into his pocket and the journal page with the charm.  "All right," he decided.  "Are you giving those to Dawn?"

"I was going to let her pick among four things when she comes of age."

"That's sensible."  He stroked his cheek.  "You rode the line well this time.  How far off ours do you think?"

"I think at least two realities over since that's locked up.  I know Jack's will work probably for good now."

"Hmm.  There's a way to tell."  He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and ran it over the page of the journal.  He nodded.  "Three over actually.  And you're right, that's Dawn's energy signature.  It passed down through her children."

"We're not sure if Dawn's going to be able to have kids here."

"I can check," he offered.  "But I'll tell Jack."

"I was going to bring him up and tell him, but if you want...."

"No, I'll bring him here and tell him."  He stroked his cheek again.  "Spank Radek?"

Xander smiled.  "He won't let me."

"I'll swat him myself then.  Good job riding the line.  Keep him from finding out."  He considered it, staring at him.  "Bring it back but hide it on Nila in a doorway, Xander."  He nodded at that, looking down.  "I'm not mad.  You did good."  He gave him a hug and a kiss on the temple, getting hugged back.  "I'll talk to him, make sure he knows where the line is drawn.  It's not good for you to keep secrets from him."  He kissed him again, giving him a squeeze.  "You're better?"

"A lot.  Still sore but I'm rebuilding."

"Excellent."  He smiled, getting a grin back.  "I do adore the challenges you give me."

"I found more of those slugs."

"Don't you dare," he said with a smirk.  "Feed them to Jack and Dawn."  He kissed him on the forehead, flipping the lock with a finger twitch.  "Radek."  He came in.  "Come, we will talk on the way to picking up Jack to talk to him about that stash."

"Stash?" he asked.

Xander nodded.  "Yeah, what I found in the closet."

"Oh.  He would not tell me."

"Excellent.  Come on, and bring Sheppard, and all the others who might end up traveling with him by accident."  He nodded, going to get them.  He walked them out to the tardis, talking to them about future laws and where the line was drawn about sharing things with the present.

They agreed so he landed at Torchwood and left them looking at the paradox engine for now.  "Owen, a pretty princess like always," he said dryly.  "Where's Jack?  It's important."

"How important?  He's with Dawn making her sorry for going out on a date with someone."

"Very.  Bring her too.  I need to scan her for a possible future event that might have warped back here."

"Sure."  He called him.  "The Doctor's here asking to scan Dawn for a future event warping back and needs to see you too.  Yes, in the office."

Rodney leaned out.   He looked up and tossed the handful of slugs at the pterodactyl.  She caught them and screamed in pleasure, munching them.  "Before he makes us eat coffee flavored slugs too."  He went back inside.

"He's your new companion?  Not as hot as the last few," Owen said.

"No, I'm reminding him of the future tech problem."  Jack walked in with Dawn.  He scanned her then looked at her.  "You won't be able to have children until your form finishes settling in.  That's why you're still having those charming flare ups, young lady."  He put the screwdriver away and stared at her.  "Probably about another five years."

"Did my mother ask you to check?" she asked.  "Or Xander."

"No, Xander managed to run into a ship off this time stream that related back to you."  He pinched her cheek.  "You look adorable today."  She beamed at Jack, sticking her tongue out.

"You still dated the loser bastard last night," Owen told her.  "So you're still grounded."

"She can help Xander plant if she wants."

"No thanks.  Taking him for long?"

"Just to look over this one.  We think it's off another reality."  He pulled Jack with him.  He waved before shutting the door behind himself.  He came out and scanned Gwen then looked at her.  "Those aren't fake pains."  She groaned.  He went back in there.  "Don't make me deliver it please.  I'm not that sort of Doctor."  He shut the door.

"Get her somewhere," Owen ordered.  "I'm not delivering her here!  There's no telling what might attack."

Ianto, calm as ever, got the keys while pouring his current cup of coffee into a travel mug.  "Shall we, Gwen?  We can get Rhys at the same time."  She nodded so they walked her out to the SUV.

Dawn looked at Tosh.  "I can rift watch if you want to go."

"I'll go later, when it's closer.  Labor can last for days."

"Okay."  They sat down to work together.  "He's really overreacting to a single date."

"He was a bit slimy."

"He's the only one who hasn't been scared off by Owen.  I don't know why since I'm not dating *him*."

Tosh smiled.  "I wanted him at one time but then I realized he's a snot."

"He can be.  Then again, he and Buffy, a lot alike.  Maybe that's why he and Xander had those few weekends."

"Could be.  I wonder how Xander is in bed."

"No clue.  He's like my big brother.  He cuddles really nice though."  She gave her a nudge and a grin.  "Right now, Xander's got two guys so he's not drawing evil girls.  We should all be thankful."

Tosh laughed.  "Quite possibly."  The monitor beeped but it was nothing.

***

The Doctor let the rest go after one last lecture.  Radek agreed with his points and apologized for spilling that future information.  He'd let Xander spank him for it too.  Might help them have some fun anyway.  The Doctor walked Jack onto the ship and to the room, finding Xander looking over the other stuff for energy signatures.  "The rest?" he asked, pulling it out.  He pointed.  Then he pulled out the journal page and crest, plus bracelet.

Jack saw it and looked at his then groaned.  He took the journal page, sitting on the end of the bed.  Xander moved something from under him but he didn't notice it.  "Here?" he asked finally, looking up at them.

"Three over.  Which is why I checked Dawn."  He stared at him.  "You have some spunky offspring."

"I do but none have been quite as bouncy and eat like a pregnant woman like she does."  He looked at Xander.  "You had no idea?"

"Found it on the way back."  He shrugged.  "No idea if there's others around the ship."

"We can scan it," the Doctor decided.  He walked out to do that, bringing in a few other things from that reality.

Jack looked at the rest of the journal and then the crest.  "She...."

Xander pointed.  "I bought that one to give me a good nursery area," he said quietly.  "I'd leave it to Dawn if she outlasted me."

Jack gave him a hug.  "She'll squeal and eat peanut butter on her ice cream again."  He let him go.  "Can I?"

"It's future to that line," the Doctor told him.

"I was going to let Dawn pick out a few of mine when she hits eighteen," Xander told him.

"That'd be nice.  She'd like that."  He looked at them again.  "Want me to hide them?"

"I'm fairly certain we're leaving that up to you," Xander said.

Jack nodded, sorting out the ones he liked.  Xander held up one.  He touched it.  "That's like your bracelet?"

"Different sun."

"Oh, damn.  Only Dawn..."

"Or you had another mage child.  The other things show taints of Dawn's energy weakened down."

"Shit."

"Basically."  He stared.  "If and when, I'll be there to hold her magic in."

"Please."  He ran a hand over it.  "Box?"  Xander pulled one from his office, taking the stuff out of it.  He looked at the miniature.  "Who was she?"

"Majera."

"Sorry."

"Not a problem."  He grinned.  "Go ahead and use it."

Jack got the letter in the bottom out, glancing at it before handing it over.  "Future events for me."  Xander nodded.  "The twenty-ninth century?"

"You're the reason I have Morticia and Gomez," he said quietly.  "You knew I was going to get home and you snuck them in on me."  He gave him a hug.

Jack hugged him back.  "Thanks, Xander."  He got everything together and sniffled.  "I don't want to tell Dawn about this."

"So don't," the Doctor agreed.  "It wasn't in this reality."

"Did she look closer to immortal this time?"

"Still even between that and ascended.  The same as Xander usually reads."

"I nearly ascended while holding that shield over the building, but they blocked me.  The Powers That Be still hate me."

"Then they're frightfully dumb," the Doctor said.  "Clearly they didn't appreciate what they had when they had it."  He kissed him on the head, getting a grin.  "Come in, Evan."  He walked in.  "Good."  He smiled.  "We found out this was from an alternate reality."

"McKay told us that."

"It was one of Jack's great-great grandkids," Xander told him.

"Wow.  No wonder you had to get him."  He punched Jack on the shoulder.  "You good?"

"I'm fine.  Dawn dated a slimebag last night so I was reminding her that the family had standards, even if her mother had slummed to date her former husband."

"Yeah, truly with the way the douche cheated on her," Xander agreed.

"Then we'll handle it," Jack decided, closing the box.  "Thanks, guys.  This ship?"

"Is from a design Rodney made five years ago," Xander said.

"Ah.  So he's in geek love?"

"He's spotting things he could have done differently."

"Wonderful."  He hugged them both and patted Evan on the head.  "Quit being so jealous.  I'd never take him until after he had moped and grieved for your loss."  He walked out with the Doctor.  "Thanks, Doctor."

"Not a problem.  I wouldn't hide something like this from you unless it was from this time."  He grinned at that.  "He has to go pack up all his little hidden spots too," he called back into the ship.  "Before someone breaks into them."  He walked into the tardis.  "Giving you a ride back?" he teased with a grin.

"If you could.  I'm still a bit shaken and might land somewhen else."

"Of course.  Tardis Cab Service and all that," he teased.

Jack smirked.  "She likes me."

"Yes she does," he said, hearing the tardis purring in his mind.  "You and Xander."

"We do make a good team."  He stroked his arm.  "Thanks, Doc."

"You're welcome, Jack.  It was right to do."  He kissed him and turned on the engines, taking him home.  It was a nice homecoming.  Jack had to rush off to join them at the hospital.  The Doctor sat down to talk to Dawn for a bit.  She was almost a time traveler, with the way she was formed from an ancient set of energy.   It was going to be okay though.

***

Evan looked at Xander.  "How many little work areas do you have throughout time?"

"Three, four, something like that."

"Uh-huh.  Bring them home, Xander.  We'll help you hide them."  Xander beamed and took him with him.  One had been gotten into but they hadn't gotten anything important that Xander couldn't summon back.  One thing was still warm from use but it was a cutting head so no idea what it was for.  They left and it was back to the office.  He put the doors up and Evan asked the AI to cloak them.  Radek was in there eating lunch so he saw where they were.  "All his future stuff."

"I was given the rules," he promised, taking a kiss from each of them.  He patted Xander on the butt.  "I'm told you should spank me."  Evan moaned, sitting down to stare at them.  "I told Rodney some future events from around his great-niece's time."

"You notice he didn't ask about his kids," Xander said.  Radek smirked.  "So we'll see."  He looked at Radek.  "I can spank you now or later."

"Do it now so we can play later."  Xander sat down and he assumed the correct position.  Xander paddled him hard, making it a lesson he would remember, even through his pants.  He yelped at the last one.  Then Xander stroked over the soreness.  "Mean teasing me now."

Xander kissed him.  "He'll take one of us out if he has to, Radek," he said quietly.  "Even me or Jack, or one of his companions."

"I understand."  He took a kiss.  "Thank you for protecting me."  He took another kiss then sat down with a wince.  "We're decent," he called, knowing someone was listening.

Faith leaned in.  "You sure?  I can wait."

"He opened up some cans of worms and the Doctor ordered," Xander told her.  "That wasn't play."

"If you're sure."  She walked in and handed them food.  "Nila ordered."

"Thank you.  And thank you, Nila."

"You're welcome," his computer's speakers said.

Faith sat down next to Evan, looking at the hidden spot and scratching her arm.  "That feels like magic."

"That's because it is," Xander admitted.  "It's cloaked."

"Good deal."

He beamed.  "I could make another room up here I guess.  Store them in there."

"It wouldn't have the balcony or the view," Faith told him.

"True."

"You could move it out to me," Nila offered.

"Before we leave I will," Xander said.  He ate a bite before she nagged.  "I won't be unpacking everything in case we have to narrow the shields back down to a limited area."

"That's fine.  I look forward to it, Xander."  She went silent again.

Xander took another longer kiss, only looking up when Jack made a moaning noise.  "What?"

"Not in the office!" he complained.  "Anyone could walk in."

"They're of the opinion that they calm me down more than Armand does."  He looked around.  "Nila, where's Armand?"

"Looking at the eggs with Mira, cheeping at them."

"Thank you."  He ate another bite.  "They think Evan will keep me from grabbing another axe.  They consider Radek a god for making me hand over more information."

Jack smirked.  "Cute, kid."  He sat down and looked at him.  "You're out of contract."

"I know that."  He ate another bite.

"We should sign one or the IOA will say you're not supposed to be here.  Right now I know you're pissed at us."

"How did you like your interview?" he asked dryly.

"She made it pretty easy and realized I was a lot like you.  I hate attention.  I heard yours before I went on and she asked some really strong questions I wish like hell I had been free to answer honestly instead of giving hints."  He looked at them then at him.  "Major Lorne's time is up in another two weeks as well.  He has to reup if he's staying in the military.  Doctor Zelenka's is due in another six months."

"I can do an eighteen month reup like the specialists do," Evan said.  "That'll get us through the time back on earth and will let us make some choices then."

"That would," he agreed.  "You'd still have some lag with Doctor Zelenka's but I can rewrite his standard one for a year so you're all done at the same time.  Would that suit you, Xander?"

"I want Radek and Xander on me," Nila called.  "Not that dreaded woman."

"I know, Nila.  When you're on earth, Zelenka will be your chief and Miko will choose between the two cities."  Radek beamed at him.  "That means you'd be under Mitchell, Zelenka."

"I know.  Though, it may be that they might want to switch sometime and SG-1 will get Atlantis while SGA-1 gets Nila."

"It could be that we'll build another city and we'll all end up there," Evan quipped.

"Not yet we're not.  Her docking area is expensive and people are wondering," Jack noted.  "Her dock will be done in seven months.  We're moving you guys about then.  If we have to do it earlier, so be it."  They all nodded.  "For right now that's how things are going to stay."  He looked at Evan.  "That would leave you open to military head on Nila."

"That might be a conflict of interest though," Evan said.  "If we fight, it'll affect the city."

"True, but I doubt you guys won't keep it professional with the way you have up here."

"I'd have to think about that, sir," Evan admitted.  "I wouldn't mind but sometimes geeks drive me insane.  And wouldn't Mitchell be in charge?"

"He'd be governor, you'd be military head.  Like Weir and Sheppard had when they started.  The only problem is one you've seen.  The geeks may not like that and demand to have McKay, which would push you guys back to this city or secondary on Nila."

"Or we could build our own Atlantis 2 for spatial combat," Xander said.  "And then they'd want SG-1 there with geeks overtop of Nila."

"Which is a future option," he agreed.  "That may suit everyone.  Because the geeks are starting to gather, scenting the new tech."

"They're years behind," Radek pointed out.  "Thanks to the IOA not letting us publish."

"Please, God, yes, publish soon," he agreed.  "I've heard every geek whine about that."

"I write sucky papers," Xander admitted.  "But I was going to submit something for someone to help me."

"Get it," Jack ordered.  Xander got his copy over and handed it to him before sitting down nearly in Radek's lap again.  Evan grinned, rubbing Xander's leg since it was shaking.  "Post injury?"

"It shakes when it gets tired," Evan admitted.  "It's totally therapeutic, sir."

"I don't care," he told them.  "Just keep it at less touchy-feely and gropy around me.  I'm not used to anyone suddenly starting to make out, boys."  He read it over.  "It's understandable by everyone, so it needs put into academic language."  He kept going.  "Yeah, that's not a bad thing to put out.  Radek, help him with that?"

"Of course."

"Thanks."  He handed it back.   "Radek, do you have anything you can write up?"

"Ten or twelve dozen.  What topics should I start at?"

"The beginning, Radek.  You have to let them build up their own ideas instead of starting at the top," Rodney said as he walked in with food.  "See, I'm eating," he told the computer.

"Not yet you're not."

"Fine."  He sat down and stuffed his mouth, looking at the paper.  Radek handed it over at his stare.  He swallowed.  "Have Jackson polish that.  It's his field almost."  He handed it back.  "The people who called him a crackpot are going to shit when they realize he was right."  He ate another bite.

"Do you have any?" Jack asked.  Rodney held up three fingers.  "Fully done?"

He swallowed.  "All theoretical and ready to be printed."  He smirked.  "Based on work I was doing before we found Antarctica."

"That's fine," Jack agreed. "That's not too far ahead."

"Less science, more eating," Nila ordered.

"Why are you being so strict today?" Faith asked.

"Because long range sensors show another ship coming this way.  You'll need that food and might have to push dinner back."

Rodney gulped his lunch and headed down, Jack behind him.

"It won't be like the attack during the spores," Xander quipped.

Evan took a hard, fast kiss.  "Had better not be."  He left.  Radek followed with the remains of their trays.

Xander took Faith into his magic area to show her the garden area for magic herbs and the fountain.  She sighed in pleasure, walking around the area until the alarms went off.  Xander came out and closed off his office and bedroom formally and magically then went to help.  He was backup for the chair.  Him and Evan since John and Jon both flew.

Evan looked at the display.  "Shields up," he said.  "Drones ready."

Xander opened what was available to him.  "Cannon charging.  ZPM backup unit switched out.  First and third are still at around eighty percent."  Evan nodded at that.  He called down there.  "Radek, that one reads as less than twenty percent.  Yes, that one."  It got switched.  "There we go, that's at seventy-five.  It's perfect."  He signed off and let him do whatever he had to do.  "Shut all exterior access on the lower seven levels," he ordered the AI.

"The labs are overridden.   Botany and biology are wide open.  As is chemistry and the jumper bay," Atlantis told him.

"Override those."

"I cannot.  They are physically blocked."

"Botany, biology, chemistry, and the jumper bay, you are in danger if we have to sink down a bit due to physically blocked open doors.  Shut them now," Evan ordered.  "This is not a drill."  Two of them shut.  The jumper bay closed once the last one had launched.  "Botany and chemistry are still open."  He tapped his earpiece again.  "McKay, make Botany and chemistry close.  They're physically blocked open if we have to sink a bit."  He heard him snap orders and people run to make sure of it.  "AI, which opening is open in Chemistry?" he asked when he heard the report.

Xander complained but pulled up the internal display and magically moved the offending things.  He realized his plants were still outside and moved them into his magical area.  Then he panted and caught his breath for a minute.  "Closed?"

"Closed," Evan agreed.  "Thank you."  McKay reported they were going to be written up and the three things that had needed it were turned off.  "Shut down anything non critical or that could explode, McKay.  The display still isn't reading what the ship is."  He turned off his comm.  "Xander?"

"Undoing the internal display."  He finally got it banished and concentrated.  His mental shield went back up and it blocked more of the merman taint.  "Hey, it works better with my anti-possession shield up," he said dryly.

"Good to know," Sheppard said.  "Where is the ship, people?"

Xander looked.  "One pie slice to the right of you," he said.

Evan gave more precise directions.  "I've got to work on that with you, Xander."

"It's what the display shows," he complained.

"Focus," Evan said quietly, taking his hand.  He was sweating.  "What's wrong?"

"I feel light headed.  It's nothing."  He cleared his mind and everything came back into sharper focus.  "I have the drone repair and making facility back online."

Evan looked at him.  He was glowing.  "AI, raise the ascended shield in this room," he ordered.  She did so and Xander went limp and got back to normal.  "Keep it up if you can during the battle."

"Yes, Evan."

"Any ID on the ascended?"

"It appears to be one of the strange ones with tentacles."

"I'll beat his ex later," he decided.  She laughed.  "Colonels, ship ID is coming through, it says it is the US Pegasus?"

"Can't be, won't be made for another ten years," Xander said, scowling at it.  "Scan for the temporal energy signature," he ordered.  The AI found it for him and ran that subroutine.  "Aw, shit, we have a full time rip.  Mitchell, two slices ahead of you, scan for energy, but do not fire any weapon into it or it could close."

"Gotcha," he said.  "Found it," he called.   He sent that to the other jumpers.

"US Pegasus, this is the City Atlantis," Evan broadcast.  "In the year 2008.  It appears you are in the wrong time zone.  Halt engines immediately."  They halted.  "City Commander Sheppard is in one of the jumpers, the rip is behind you.  Let us know if you need support, Colonel."

"I will, Major, thank you."  He took over the talking.  The captain was one he knew now as a major on the base.  He was horrified and told him how the new weapon against the last few gou'ald had done this.

Xander got them turned around and made sure it was safe.  The guy greeted him by name and thanked him for the kick in the ass he needed to prove geeks could be warriors.  Xander said a quiet 'you're welcome' and let them go.  Once they were back through it wasn't shutting.  Xander scanned it again and figured out how to do it.  McKay had to calibrate the weapons by hand so John came down to get him while the other Jumpers guarded the hole.  They got it closed and it was better.  Xander relaxed.  Evan relaxed and brought down the shields.  They both winced at the incoming wormhole for the data burst.  It was still nearly blinding.  They sat there until John stomped in.

"AI, remove the ascended shield and zap her if she tries to possess him again," Evan ordered.

She huffed.  "Like I want in his head."  She smirked at him.  "You're being tapped," she said in a sing-song voice.

"I can't be tapped, Cordy.  I'm not under their authority by their very own admission.  The first time I blipped I was no longer theirs.  Atlantis, block off all communication from this room.  We can still hear it but not broadcast out please.  I'm about to yell at an ex."

"Of course, Xander."

Cordelia looked around.  "Another psycho girlfriend?" she asked.

"No, the highly intelligent, advanced, empathic AI for the city."  He smirked.  "She's smarter than Willow and a better friend."  She growled and narrowed her eyes.  He shrugged, still smirking.  "So, you came to lie some more?"

"They said you're being tapped."

"They have no ability to tap a time traveler, Cordelia, even one born on the hellmouth."

"You can't have," she said firmly.

He held up his blippy.  "Really?  You so sure about that?"  Whistler faded in.  "You know very well you can't."

"They need you, kid."

"I'll be damned."

"The world may end."

"If you're talking about the invasion in LA, we already know and have plans to support the teams there," John told him, leaning on the back of the chair behind Xander's head.  "It's shown in one of the later biographies of this time that he'd be finding a weapon to help since we'll be nearly home then."

"You looked at a book from the future?" Whistler asked.  "How?"

Xander held up his blippy to him.  He tested it and then groaned.  "As I said, they have no right to do or ask anything of or to me.  It's bad enough they keep sending her to annoy me and lie about me.  I've really had enough of the Powers, Whistler.  Recently the government made me pissed enough to want to say I'd never help in another apocalypse.  You guys, you're following the dance nicely."  Whistler blinked and sighed.  "So, the Powers, Ascended Lanteans or Ori?"  They both stared at him.  He waved a hand around.  "Welcome to Atlantis," he said sarcastically.  "Which one are they?"

"Ori," she said quietly, staring at him.  "You knew?"

"Yeah, I know.  You're a crap liar, Cordy.  You always were.  You apparently always will be."  He stared at her.  "So, yeah, not going with that plan and if I have to, I'll do to them what I did to Adria."  He beamed.  "And then drive them fucking over the edge until they decide to move on."

"Ummmmmm....." Whistler said, apparently his brain shut down.  "You can't do that."

"I can so."

"You're not one of them."

"No, they kept me from ascending," Xander said dryly.  "Pity."

"Oh, shit."

"We have a former ascended here.  Another one who nearly ascended for more than a few minutes, and then you have Xander," John told him.  "I think, between them, that things aren't going to be happy to keep fucking with him."

Xander kissed Evan, making him moan.  Then he smiled at Cordelia.  "See, that's what you missed."

"I moaned plenty."

"Xander, baby, I'm sore," Evan whispered.  She whimpered.  "Bubble bath?"

"I like bubble baths."

"You can tell me about that run down estate garden you bought."

"Sure."  He beamed at him.  Evan smiled back.  John had to cough to bring them out of it.

Cordelia sighed.  "Fine.  So we've lost you."

"Depends on what I think is necessary," he admitted.

She nodded.  "Good to see the backbone."

"You didn't see it earlier when I saved their asses against their wills?"  She moaned.  He smirked.  "So, anything else?  Because I'll be letting Faith and Buffy know."

"Damn it," she muttered and they left to tell the higher ups their plans were banished to the depths of the sewer system of the universe.

Xander looked at Evan.  "It's actually not run down.  It wasn't when I bought it."  He beamed and got up.  "We got a data burst."

"Cool."  He checked him over.  "Go rest."

"I'm fine."

"Go rest anyway."

"Bite me."  He went to grab the paper and talk to Daniel.  "As a matter of point, who is the chief linguist?" he asked him.  "Peter said he was and I said I am.  He got pissed when he heard me say I was."

"I don't know," he admitted.  "He has more time in.  You have more skills and do more work.  Still.   He does all the staff meetings."

"No one ever tells me."

"Good point.  Is this a matter of I'll have to yell at one of you?"

"No.  Just settling the point."

"Well you weren't second-in-command on the base, but we fired her twice for mistranslating on purpose and slacking.  We have six linguists left on base and only two are above you for time in.  Peter has more time in, most of the people up here do, but you're better and do more work, and have better skills."  He considered it.  "I'll ask Jack."

Xander nodded.  "Okay, that way we can settle it."  He tossed over a paper.  "Jack said to publish."

"Ah."  He looked it over.  "Needs language help.  Formatting some too since you wrote it like a high school paper.  We can work on that tonight?"  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Good.  Go rest."

"I'm fine."

"So?"  Xander walked off rolling his eyes, going to check on his plants then back down to the lab.  Daniel picked up a pen and got to work on the notes they'd need to tighten this paper up.  It was a good paper.

***

Daniel looked over the linguistics department before dinner.  "Xander asked a pertinent question about things.  Peter, do you really want to be in charge?"

"I do all the paperwork.  He never does."

"You never tell me," Xander said.

"That's because I thought I was the head guy."

"Enough," Daniel said.  "I can see how this is a problem.  Xander, you're basically the liaison between a lot of offices and the cities.  You work in physics with McKay, you work in botany,  you work on Nila's reconstruction, you work on the areas of this city that need it.  You translate more than the guys up here seem to.  For some reason they see you working and like the main base quit."  He glared at them for that.  They all gave him sheepish looks.  "You're more than a linguist.  You're really your own department so I'm going to move it that way.  Technically you're a linguist but you're so much more to the cities and projects.  So I'm going to name you the liaison officer between the military and the science corps."  Xander beamed at him.  "That means you have to listen to the whining when they feel the military is picking on them."

"And I'll teach them how to stop it."

"Even better.  You'll have to attend meetings."

"I've been bored.  They can't be worse."

"Yes they can," Peter said dryly.  "So he's still a linguist?"

"Yes, and do more of your own work," Daniel ordered.  "He and I are busy out making enemies."

"Or 5K runs," Xander quipped.

"That's how we did it at the mountain when they decided to slack.

"Or boot camp if they want," Xander offered.

"Get with Sheppard to make sure they're meeting demands and needs on both sides."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Good.  Explain the city to the newbies too.  Some are very confused when a voice comes out of nowhere."  He closed his notebook.  "Also, we're in the pre-move phase.  We're being encouraged to publish.  Xander has submitted one for review and tightening.  Anyone else close to anything?"

"What is his on?" Peter asked.

Xander handed him a copy.  "A hypothetical linking language that we'll call Ancient for right now."  He grinned.

He looked it over.  "You even noted when it came from a discussion among us and who said it.  Nicely done."  He nodded, handing it back.  "I'll work on something to support that."

"Work on something linking other languages to it," Daniel ordered.  "He's got Greek and Latin.  He adds in some Egyptian and Summerian.  Add more to those or go with others that link in somehow."

Peter nodded.  "I can work on that tonight, boss."

"Thank you.  Now, any other problems?"  They all shook their heads.  "Xander, wield your new power gently please."

"Yes, Daniel."

"Thank you."  They all left for dinner.  Xander bounced around, wincing the whole time, to tell Evan and Radek that news.  Radek got him sitting down so his injury would quit hurting.  John came over to join them and talk about the boot camp situation.  They planned a refresher course for a day each month unless it was critical.  That way they would keep up on skills since none of them did range time.  Peter went to tell the other science heads about Xander's new job title so they were warned.  They had heard he was mean when Daniel wasn't there to lead the languages department on base.

24: Not So Teasing Dicks

Xander walked into Botany the next morning, finding the one of the new botanists.  "Good morning," he said, smiling at hem.

"Are you one of my coworkers?"

"Unofficially.  A good third of the plant samples in here are mine."  She smiled at that.  "Have you met Pugsly and Wednesday yet?"

"The man eaters?" she asked, grimacing.  "Why do we even have those here."

"Briony!" he yelled.  She came trotting in with her coffee.  "New people."

"Hi, I'm Dr. Briony Walters.  I'm the head of this department.  You must be Rachel."  She shook her hand.  "Xander, what's on your agenda since I heard you're our new liaison."

"Well, she has to be set up for geek boot camp, as you well know.  John and I are talking about 'reminding you' days so everyone keeps up with the skills like shooting."  She grimaced but nodded.  "Rachel here just wondered why we had man eating plants and I don't see Pugsley to introduce her."

"Pugsley's in my office."  She went to get him and bring him out.  Then Wednesday since she had migrated.

"But they're deadly," Rachel said.

"We've run into exactly seventeen plant species in this galaxy that can't kill us."  Rachel gave her a horrified look.  "Xander is a wonderful culturer so we let him help us in here since a good third of the samples are his."  She fed both of them and they both refused to eat.  She sniffed the meat, then let him sniff it.

"Lye," he said, scooping it out.  "Did you doctor that?"

"I saw the other new one adding what he said was fertilizer," she offered.

"No, it's not."  He put the container on the desk and looked at her.  "These two are actually hybrids off things we have in this galaxy."  She shuddered.  "Welcome to Pegasus, everything here wants to kill us, dear.  And I do mean everything.  From the more violent fish in the ocean outside to the plants and animals, to the people, the Ancients put the vicious stuff here."

"Oh, good, you're here," the other new guy said as he walked in.  "Doctor Walters, *what* are plants like those doing here?" he demanded.  "They're dangerous."

"They're a hybrid of two types of plants that came from a world around here," Xander told him.

"I was told you weren't a botanist," he sneered.  "So hush."

"You're so going to love boot camp. I can already tell."  The man looked horrified.  "Everyone on Atlantis goes through boot camp when you get here.  Even the snotty ones I'll throw off the balcony into the ocean."  He smiled sweetly.  "Guess what, I can claim this lab and Briony, and throw your stupid ass out, so shut up yourself."  The man backed away.  "I wouldn't.  That plan shoots poisoned darts.  They brought back another sample the other day because this one had a different poison than the last one.  You clearly didn't hear that every single plant in this galaxy wants to eat you."  He huffed off to go scream at McKay, who only gave him an amused look and let Radek yell back at him because his time was more valuable.

Xander smiled at her.  "Boot camp isn't that bad.  It's to make sure you can save your own ass if it comes to it.  Got it?"  She nodded quickly.  "You'll also go over more of the specific threats we have out here.  I know they told you about the Genii, we'll be telling you more about them and introducing you to profiles of a few specific ones.  We'll be making sure you can shoot, run when you're being shot at, duck appropriately and not hurt yourself if a wraith dart is coming your way.  The Marines in charge are badass but not that hard if you're nice and you don't have an attitude.  Those ones, they get special treatment."

"Got it," she agreed.  "So you're in which department?"

"I'm the military to geek liaison.  I'm technically a linguist but I temp in here, I sometimes temp in physics to help McKay. I temp in chemistry sometimes to brighten their lives."  McKay walked the still complaining man back.  "He tried to poison Puglsey and Wednesday."

"Just throw him into the ocean to be eaten.   His whining is giving me a headache and he's annoying."

"Sure," Xander said, picking him up and tossing him out the window to the ocean below.  "Hardy, man overboard, and he's huffy," he called, bringing the guy on watch out there to toss him down a rope.  "Set him up with boot camp too."  He looked at her.  "The only way you're allowed to have that big of an ego around here is if you've saved a galaxy.  I've only saved a planet so even I'm not allowed."  He smirked at Rodney.  "You know, that battle....  It did save all of humanity, including here, and he probably would've moved on."

"They'd hate your ego if it got bigger, Xander.  Retain the sweet, natural boy you are so they are amazed and amused and want to spoil you the way you spoil the rest of us."  He walked off shaking his head.  John met him in the hallway.  "I told him to."

"I heard.  Is he out?"

"Hardy probably got him already."  He went back to the lab.  "He poisoned the pet plants."  Radek growled.  "I had Xander toss him out a window."

"Good!  Did he save anything like pocket lint?"

"I saw him deposit it on the table underneath the window."  He sat back down.  "Now then...  Oh, he said he saved humanity and probably the rest of the universe with that battle.  I told him he still couldn't grow a bigger ego.  You wouldn't like it."

"I'll help calm him down later."  He got back to work.

"That's backwards."

"I'm following what they did."

"Then they did it backwards."

"It's facing that way so I can solder easier.  Hush!"

"Fine.  When it breaks you can stay up to fix it again."

"I do anyway.  They are starting to mind how often I have to crawl out of bed when you do not."

Rodney glared at him.  "I do so."

"Do not."

"Boys!" Xander called from the hallway.  "Fix it once and for all so no one has to get out of bed, including me!"  He walked past the doorway.  "Doctor Chores, meeting."  She followed.  The other was fuming up the hallway and Rachel was with him.  "Good."

"You lost my wallet."

"It's on the table under the window.  Let's go introduce you to the plan for your week."  He walked him off.  "Major!" he called when they made it outside to military PT.  He snapped a salute.  "I didn't sign up that way," he teased.

"You deserve it anyway, Harris.  Who're these?"

"Two new botanists and one new physics person.  This is Doctor Rachel Ampres.  Doctor Mikale Sorventis, and Doctor Wilhelmina Chores.  She is McKay's."

"Sorry to hear that, ma'am.  We all know he yells."  He smiled.  "Boot camp?"

"Yes please.  I've already told them that it's mandatory, told Briony Walters about the updating times, which we can schedule later?"

"Agreed.  It's a good idea to keep in practice for those things."

"Good.  Have them, let them know the schedule, and let me know if there's any issues."  He nodded.  "Have a good day, Major."  He looked out there.  "Phillips, you're burning.  Put on sun screen before Keller has a fit!"  He walked over there and sprayed him with the stuff they used on base.  "I don't want her mad when she looks at me later.  I'll get bitched at and then won't be allowed pudding."  He laughed, breaking his jumping jacks.  Xander limped off happier.

"People, I am Major Kendricks, head of the PT and boot camps.  As he told you, it is mandatory for all new personnel.  Later this week you'll be seeing all the new military guys as well.  We'll have you all morning, them all afternoon, but next week you'll be joining for range times, practical lessons in field teams and how they run, and that stuff.  Got it?"  They all grimaced but nodded.  "Our geeks go into the field most of the time.  Even the quiet, nice ones.  Botanists get called all too often to release some of us military boys and girls that got stuck by a plant and nearly eaten.

"I swear, we have the bigger version of Gomez, Pugsley's father, on half the planets and they are man sized eating plants.  They've tried to swallow a few of us whole.  You botanists will be getting your own talk about that so you get the more technical stuff.  We'll get the 'don't touch that' lessons."  He smiled.  "Tilla."  She came over from her spot in line.  "This is Major Tilla.  She is on a field team, Team 25.   She is second-in-command of that team.  She works well with Harris because it's his team and they run into the damndest shit ever.  Ladies, she'll be doing your PT for the next week.  Tilla, one's a botanist and one's McKay's team."

"Good to know.  C'mon, ladies.  You can go with him," she said with a point.  "That's Lieutenant Colonel Kissen.  Leader of Team 14.  He's damn good, gets on well with geeks, and likes history so you have something to talk about."  She walked the ladies off, showing them where to report and going over the basics of what they would have to learn.  How fast they'd need to run, how good they'd need to shoot, and what they needed to know before they passed out of boot camp.  They nodded at that and she released them for the day with the order to be back there one hour after breakfast in the morning.  The other new guy was still fussing.  She smirked at Kissen when she walked past him.  "I'm doing PT testing in the morning.  Want me do his too?  I know you've got a mission for trade."

"That'll work or I could leave Faith."

"You need Faith."

"I'm going to the planet with the kids.  She'll be mobbed and patted again.  You know she hates that."  Tilla smirked because she did too.  "Fine."  He walked him out there.  "Faith?"  She looked up.  "Trading mission tomorrow to the kiddy planet."

"Let me sprain my ankle today, Kissen," she quipped back.  "I don't wanna play mommy."

"Tough."

"Yay me," she said flatly.  "Can't you take X?"

"Not with him limping."

"Damn it."

"Tough.  Suck it up."

She smirked at him.  "No way in hell.  You're not my type."  He burst out laughing and she smirked.  "Nice and big though.  Too cuddly but big."  He patted her on the back.  "Welcome to Atlantis.  Faith Lehane."

The man stared at her.  "Soldier?"

"Kinda in between.  Training as a pilot actually.  Emergencies and rescues are my usual duties."

"I see.  We need that?"

Kissen laughed.  "We've had to rescue two teams from plants this week and one from the Genii," Faith said.  "Plus X had to totally go kick some wraith ass when Team 2 was nearly eaten.  Welcome to the end of the world.  It's all pretty but deadly."

"Just like you," Kissen teased.

She pinched him on the arm.  "We could bring B out in her shorter skirts and heels.  The plants might like her."

"She'd cry the first time a tentacle groped her," the major in charge said dryly.  "Get back to it, Lehane."

"Yes, Major high pants."

He looked down then at her.  "They shrank.  For that, do an extra ten of each."  She only smirked and did that.

The botanist went to talk to his bosses.  He carefully stayed away from the tentacle plants Harris was reading Latin to while he worked on their pots.  "Are they going to eat us?" he asked finally.

"Only if you stand still for Wednesday to nibble on and suck to death or offer your fingers to Pugsley.  They're still little."  Xander looked up.  "The real ones are on that picture behind you.  That was taken from the one that tried to eat a jumper.  It was a medium sized sample on that planet."

He looked and whimpered.  "Why would anyone plant that!"

"They're good protection," Briony said, pushing her curly black hair back behind her ears.  "I need a trim."

"You need a scrunchie," Xander retorted.

"Women of my bearing don't use scrunchies, Xander.  Even the black ones."

He looked at her.  "Scarf?"

"Maybe but still tacky."

He shrugged.  "I don't think I have more than a hair comb up stairs.  Want me to find it?"

"No thanks.  No telling which of your ex's it belonged to.  I might go evil too."

He smirked.  "Nah.  You're not the right sort of evil for me."  She pinched him but went back to work helping on Wednesday.  She came alive for some new food and it was better.  The other plants got fixed too.  He stared at one when he got to it.  "Ah, Walters?"  She came over and looked then moaned.  "That's what I think it is, right?"

"Yes, and it's looking pregnant.  People, out of this lab now!" she ordered.  They ran.  "McKay to Botany with the containment system you worked up.  Now please!" she ordered.  He came jogging in and she pointed.  "Spore flower."

"Who sent that back?" he demanded.

"I don't know but it looks like it's going to vomit soon," Xander said.  Rodney worked to get it set up.  "Atlantis, please isolate this wing of the city from the rest before the spore flower vomits more spores onto everyone.  Turn on my office's security system as well."

"Done, Xander, but I do read some spores already in the city."  Rodney whined, slumping down.  "It is coming from the cafeteria I believe."  Xander thumped his head against a wall.  "That is not good for you, stop it."

"Who put the flowers there, Atlantis?" he asked, sounding tired.

"I do not know yet.  Let me check."  She paused then came back.  "It appears that the new male botanist brought them with him and the new cafeteria workers decided they were pretty so put them out."

"McKay to Sheppard, go find the spore flowers and confiscate them," he ordered.  "Then the new male botanist and scream at him like I would please."

"Shit, O'Neill's still here," Xander realized.  Rodney gave him a horrified look.  "Aw, crap."

"People, we are on spore lockdown because a botanist brought some back," John's voice announced over the general comm.  "They have been sighted in botany and in the cafeteria.  If you are feeling that urge, go to the infirmary first to gather supplies, then had to the designated spots we have set up for your ease of not moving.  That is the public lanar, though do not touch the eggs, and the infirmary.  The cafeteria will have sandwiches out if this becomes a mass event so try to remember to eat and drink this time.  We'll see if we can find a room for a pool again.  Would that botanist please report to my office ASAP so I can find out who sent them back?  The general would like to know as well."  He hung up.

"So far the spore rating is only half as bad as it was last time," Atlantis told them all.  "I do not know why."

"If we can't get containment up around this one, it's going to get worse," Xander told her.  "If he's not in John's office, make him go there, Atlantis, please?"  She made an agreeing sound and quit broadcasting.  He sighed and they got it into a box a bit too late.  It was spewing.  "Shower," he ordered.  They went to take one in the group showers, with curtains between them and Briony.  He could already feel it working and moaned, leaning against the wall.  "Ow."

"You'll be okay, Harris," McKay said.

"No I'm not.  It's killing my hip."

"You've been standing all day.  Go run yourself a tub of bubbles and pull someone into it."  Xander trudged that way in a towel.  Walters went to the infirmary to get a shot for birth control then went to hide in her room.  McKay went to his room.  But he was miserable alone.  Even Mira was hiding.  "Why me!" he demanded.

"Evan and Radek are not available right now," Atlantis offered.  "Xander is in pain."

"His hip?"

"He stretched it a bit too far I think.   His body has been in pain since he threw that botanist out the window earlier.  I should tell the doctor?"

"You should."

"Very well.  Should I ask him to give you some of the things he has stored for fun?"

"No thank you."  He grit his teeth because his erection was worse than before.  "The undiluted stuff is worse," he decided.

John's breathier voice came back on over the comms.  "People, it is now a full lock down for contamination.  We have had six plants go off, last time there was only one."  He gulped and moaned.  "If you don't have to be somewhere, find somewhere friendly.  Same rules as last time apply.  What happens while spored stays while spored."  He hung up and soon was banging on Rodney's door.  "Do you mind?"

"I'm going to die.  It spit right on me," he moaned back.  "It clearly hates me."

"They clearly love Xander.  Two were put into his office and got Evan right in the face."

"Me too," he said weakly.  "I'm going to die."

"No you won't.  I'm excellent."  He took off his shirt, getting to work on their mutual needs.

Later that night, Jack and Daniel hadn't made it off his desk yet when the data burst came through.  "Go kill whoever sent those spore flowers," he told the horrified looking generals on the other side.  "We had six vomit today on purpose thanks to the new botanist we got sent."  He hung up and Daniel moaned weakly when he touched him.  "Let me get us food, Danny."

"Please," he agreed, laying there.  He was tired.  He was sweaty.  He had more than enough cum on him to make a sperm bank.  He wasn't sure how Jack could walk, but damn he wanted his stamina right about now, and when he was his age too.

Jack ran into Cam Mitchell in the hallway, trying to eat and not touch himself.  "Lanar?"

"Overcrowded.  People tried to screw in the smaller tank that held the biting fish."  Jack winced and leaned against a wall.  A petite little captain came over to work his magic on them but they shook their heads and pointed at another one.  He went to play with him instead.  "We need to set up another designated play area before the Marines pounce on the younger guys, sir."

"I know."  He shifted and winced.  "Danny's too strong for his own good."  He considered it while Cam had a little fantasy.  They felt the venting going on and smiled.  "Thank you, Atlantis.  Hey, is Nila open in a way that would let people go play on her?"

"Yes in some areas but we would have to enforce a force shield so no one went swimming," Atlantis said.

Nila appeared near them.  "That man was mean.  You should spank him."  Jack grinned.  "I have three rooms that are bare of all but a torch or two that I can move and flood, child Jack.  We can make sure no one drowns again."

"Thank you.  Scan for any more of those flowers.  I want them in quarantine or dead."

"Yes, child Jack," she agreed.  She smiled.  "Will you be coming?"

"Later.  Much later.  A guy my age only gets it up a few times a day," he said, sounding his age now.  Cam handed over the rest of his sandwich.  "Thanks, Mitchell."

"Want me to move Jackson?"

"That's up to him but I'm not up for kinky shit."

"Half the universe decided you had dumped him," he teased.  "So I got him instead."

"Fat chance."

"Daniel now has a plug from the special closet so he can decide that," Nila soothed.  Cam laughed all the way to the command center.  Chuck was hiding under his desk again.  Nila appeared.  "Come, Chuck, well take you somewhere safe so they can't do what they did last time."

"You sure?" he asked.

"Not unless you want them to."  She led him down a back way to his rooms and let him inside.  He ran inside and went to his bathroom for a bit.  She went to prepare the new pool area.  It was very nice.  Just exposed beams mostly.  A soft enough floor.  She picked up everything and used the air venting system to pick up any little bolts or anything.  Then she flooded it with clean water.  Not the stuff that had the spores in it.  She let people onto her and guided them that way by closing off all the other options.  A few decided they only made it to her control room.  A few sat in her control chair and had fun with each other.  One even made a bad joke about feeling like Kirk or Sheppard.  The rest went to soak and play, and then play some more.  Humans were fascinating when they coupled or tripled.  Even more so if they added others in.  She didn't know human bodies could do that.

***

Xander moaned when someone pounded on his door.  "Sore!" he shouted.  John wobbled in and stuck something in his arm.  "Antidote?" he begged.

"Painkiller for your hip."  He took a kiss.  Radek gave him a shove.  "Try to be gentle, guys."

"We are," Evan complained.  "Get your own."

"I have my own.  He's nearly having a heart attack.  Xander, are you feeling chest pains?"  He only moaned so he scanned him.  "Damn it.  I think they modified that plant to be stronger."  He stroked over his hair and called one of the nurses up.  The Apollo was still in orbit and had donated medical staff once theirs had went down.  One in decontam gear walked in and took the scanner to read, nodding.  "He's going to be all right?"

"The painkiller I gave you for him should help that as well, Sheppard."

"Briony was with us," Xander whined.  He shifted and winced.

She let John scan that area for her then hand it back.  "People, let him top or keep his legs mostly together for now."

John went down to the infirmary and came back with the healing wand and another machine.  Plus Rodney.  He used it on Xander's hip, undoing all the recent problems and the rest too.  It was smooth, flawless skin within minutes.   His chest got it next and Xander moaned and shifted, almost whimpering as he worked on the damage.  Then he moved to Rodney's chest.  Radek was teasing Xander's cock for him so he was still wiggling and begging for it.  He handed it back with a grin once Rodney was reading as fully healthy.  "Thank you."

"I'll check on Doctor Walters."  She left before she had to see more things that would disturb her.  She had no idea how a man like Harris, a tough, strong man, took cock that way.  It was clear he was open.  She could see it by the way he was laying.

Rodney whined as John stroked over his chest.  "All better?" he asked.

"All better."  Rodney smiled and kissed him.  "We should go back to our room."

"Fuck it.  Xander, mind if we take up this half?"

"No," he moaned, spreading out.  "Hey, it doesn't pull or hurt," he said, liking this.

"Good because I want to do unspeakably kinky things to you," Evan said, biting him on the chest.  Xander hissed and held him down.  "Would you like to do something kinky, Xander?"

"Maybe."

"Want us to quit sharing and passing you off?"  Radek looked at him and he winked.  "It's possible."

"In those dirty films."

"I read how to do it in the _Joy of Sex_."

"Hmm.  Then perhaps."  He went back to his teasing Xander's cock, finding Rodney watching.  "We don't care what you two do."

"That is incredibly kinky," Rodney said with a smile.

"John, distract him?" Evan begged.

"Gladly.  I need my own cock pleased."

Rodney pulled him down and flipped him over, pushing his way back inside the moist hole.  "Really?  Did you?"  He pounded into him, making them both feel better.

Evan looked at Radek, taking a kiss.  "Hmm, Xander flavored."  He took his own lick of the hard cock then of Radek's since he was so close.  "Want him with one of us on our backs or him in our laps?" he asked, looking up at him.

"Laps.  It sounds more intimate."  They arranged themselves and pulled Xander over.  Evan pushed back in, making him a bit looser and happier again, making him relax and beg.  Then he pulled out, making Xander whine and claw up Radek's chest since he was facing him.  Evan wiggled closer and grabbed both of them in his hand, guiding them into Xander's body at the same time.

"Full," he moaned, tipping his head back.  Evan teased his neck and they pushed up a bit farther.  Finally they both popped in and he whimpered.  "God, this is nirvana."

Radek kissed him and they both held him.  "We are with you on that."  He shifted.  Evan shifted against him.  It felt wonderful.  Like they were all connected.  They shifted together next time and Xander wiggled down.  They pulled him down and held him there, as deep as they could get.  Xander was rocking on them and it was good.  It was wonderful.  Radek could feel Evan's cock leaking onto his.  His was slicking up Evan's.  Xander's body was flexing and tensing but couldn't fully get a grip on either of them.  They pushed up together and then started to ride him separately again.  Oh, the friction against each other!  And inside of Xander was so warm, so willing.

John looked over then nudged Rodney and nodded.  "That is hot."

"That is very hot."  He took a kiss and leaned over to kiss Evan's shoulder, making him flinch and look at him.  "Appreciating the move.  It's beautiful."

"It is," he agreed.  "Absolutely wonderful."  He went back to it, kissing Radek, teasing, biting, and sucking on Xander's neck.  Xander came but Radek had his balls in hand so he couldn't shoot off.  Evan moaned at that move.  "That is good, Radek."

"Is very good.  Want to stay here."  He moved harder.

Xander whimpered and let them do whatever they wanted, he was mostly limp but his lower half was on fire from wanting to come again and the stretching going on inside him.  He had never felt anything like this before.  He was begging in multiple languages but Radek soothed him and they sped up even more, making the burn better and yet it was going to make him come again.  He wanted to come again but Radek still had him in hand.  Evan reached around to take control this time.  "Evan!" he begged.

"When we do," he whispered in his ear.  "Turn around."  Xander got to his knees carefully and turned around, letting them plant themselves in him again.  Now he got to kiss while Radek got to play and tease him.  It let him tease Xander's cock more.  "This is what we needed.  This connected spot."  He kissed him again.  "This is as kinky as we get," he said when he caught the couple watching.

"I know but it's still beautiful," John told him.

"Hmm, feels it too," Radek agreed.  He reached around to tease the head of Xander's cock, making him shout and wiggle.  They felt him tighten like he was going to come and nothing happened again.

"Oh, god, guys!  Please!" Xander begged.

"Soon," Radek said, whispering to him in Czech, calling him all sorts of pet names that would normally get him teased back.  Xander babbled back at him in Ancient.  Even kissed him to stop it.  He switched to Greek and they both kissed him to stop it.  He started in Russian and Rodney laughed.

"He called you a nesting doll set," he said at their curious looks.

"Well, we are nesting inside him," Evan teased.  "English, Xander.  Beg us in English so we know what you want," he said in his ear.  "Or else I'm going to ruin our special moment and have someone's cock gag you.  You do look so pretty when you suck us off."  Xander whipped his head around, shaking it.  "Then tell us what you want."  Xander babbled nonsense and they stopped, making him calm down, no matter how much he tried to get it back and wiggled or writhed on them.

"Please!" he begged in English.

"Please what?" Evan asked.

"Let me come?  Please?  I'll get it up again by the time you two are done."

"Seeing you go over always brings us over, Xander," Radek assured him.  He thrust up hard and Evan moaned doing the same.  Xander was back to rocking on their thrusts.  He looked at Evan and nodded, they synched up again and Xander let out a keening wail.  This time Evan let him come and they followed.  They had to.  Xander's lower half was sucking better than his throat did.  They panted, coming down still joined.  Arms around Xander, resting their heads on his shoulders.  Evan rubbing gently on his hip where he had been injured.  Xander let out a quiet moan and they shifted, still inside him and slightly hard. "Xander," Radek moaned.

"Radek, Evan."  He kissed them both, leaning back to get one from his other lover.  "That was amazing."  He flexed and they gave little thrusts to stay inside.  He whimpered.  "I'm so full."

"You are," Evan agreed, grinning at him.  "Beautiful like this too."  Xander leaned forward, resting on Evan's shoulder.  Radek sucked on his shoulder blade and bit delicately around the marks he had made earlier.  They both continued with little thrusts.  Gentle little thrusts.  Not to turn him back on but so they didn't lose this yet.  They looked over when John finally got off with a moan and Rodney flopped down, nearly asleep.  Evan smiled.  "Maybe some day someone will do this to you," he teased.  He pushed up some.

"This is only the third time I've had a cock in my ass, Evan.  I'd need a lot of babying before that."

Evan shrugged.  "Xander's always tight."  He took a deeper kiss when Xander sat up.  "Don't move.  Not yet."

Xander smiled.  "I'm not.  This is almost better than a cuddle."

Radek gave him a squeeze and pulled him back against his chest, which tipped Evan in deeper.  "It is a cuddle during sex."  He kissed him again.  "You are still so very tight around us."

"I'm going to be sore.  We're going to have to use the plug on me."

Radek took another kiss while Evan got his front throat to lick, bite, and tease.  Xander arched into one of them and they both pushed up.  "We want to see you enjoy this."

"I'm so enjoying this, Radek.  It's wonderful.  I can feel you both and you can both feel each other.  No more having to swap off or Evan pouting because he always gets me second."  He took another kiss.

"I don't mind that, Xander.  You're a good merged taste like that.  I get to taste both of you."  He blew across the wet spot he had just made, getting shivers.  "Relax, let us do this.  We'll go over like this again.  If you want to."

"I so want."  Evan worked him harder and a bit faster.  Radek was panting in need now.  Xander was getting back toward hard.  Xander whined and leaned toward Evan, letting Radek play more deeply.  They were having a great time doing this.  It felt wonderful together.  Xander was feeling connected again and it was magnificent.  They wouldn't let him touch his own cock but he could live with that.  He panted, bouncing some at their encouragement.  "Guys, play with me?  Please touch me?"  They stroked over his chest, his back, his cock only got a few light brushes of fingertips from Radek.  "Guys!"

"Later, Xander," Radek soothed.  "We are enjoying this.  Yes?"

"Yes," he panted, relaxing and letting them be evil teases.  They finally, after another few hours, worked their way back up to frantic and coming.  He panted, going limp between them.  They cuddled.  It was nice.  He had needed that.  John helped them lay down and cuddle that way.  They were asleep within minutes.

Rodney smiled.  "That was special to see."

"Yeah, it was."  He smiled at Rodney and they settled in to watch something dirty for now.  The damn spores were evil.

***

Jack woke up from his last bout of 'being the general' and moaned in pain.  "Ow."

"Tell me about it," Daniel complained.  "Cam, get off me.  Please?"  Cam snored at them.

"He's clearly out of shape if I could go longer."  Jack shifted with a wince and smacked Cam on the head.  "Wimp."

"Shut up!  I'm in perfect shape."  He stood up and stretched.  "Want me to get you guys some tylenol?"

"Please," Daniel agreed.  "And some water?"

"Of course."  He strolled off to do that and check over the people.  Some were wandering around.  A few were in bad shape.  Chuck looked happier this time so apparently the Marines hadn't done anything he hadn't wanted.  Though he had missed a few spots up near his hairline. He walked into the infirmary, not finding anyone.  He grabbed a few packets of tylenol that were laying out and three bottles of water, going to find anyone since he was one of the ranking members and had been with the other two.  He found them in Botany with a few points from Nila.  He walked in.  "Whatever you guys didn't hurt the plants?  Harris will be pissed."

"No, not these," one of the decontam suited nurses said.  "I was examining the original plant."

"It spews every six months.  After the last time, all the ones got moved back to the mountain, including the babies."

"This one appears to have been genetically modified.  Though the anti-spore we have worked well."  She looked him over.  "Hid?" she asked.

He smirked.  "Youth and in good shape.  Are we all coming down?"  She nodded.  "Cool.  Walters?"

"She's fine.  McKay decided to quarantine themselves up with Harris since they both got directly sprayed."

"That's cool.  They're friends.  Anything the General should know?  I can tell him on the way back."

"Not yet.  Have him check in tomorrow morning."

"That's cool.  The local rules say 'whatever happens while spored stays while spored," he told her.

"We're not going to report, Colonel.  We like our asses unbeaten by Harris."  He smirked at that.  "Go rest."

"Going to.  Thank you."  He went back to the room, ringing the bell before walking in, even though they were in his room.  "They put out an anti-spore.  The spore plant was modified this time according to the nurse, and we should all be back to normal by in the morning.  I reminded them of the 'don't spread it' rules."  He handed over the medicine and water, keeping the last water for himself.  "People are starting to wander around."

"That's better than last time," Jack said, taking his own drink.  "Did I talk to the main base?"

"I think so," Daniel whined.  He sat up with help from Cam.  "If we ever do this again, you two are going to play and I'll hide."

"Hey, we took it too," Cam said with a smirk.

"Shut up, Mitchell," Jack ordered.

"Yes, sir.  I can't tease my geek?"

"Tease him after coffee.  He'll bite."

"Oh, yeah, forgot about that."  He poured the rest of his water and Daniel's water into his coffee maker, starting a new pot.  Daniel came out from running himself a bath to get the pot and a mug.  Cam grinned at his back.

"Stop smirking, Mitchell, before I kick your ass and then tie you down for the rest of the Marines," Daniel told him.

"Sure, Jackson."  Daniel slid into his bath with a sigh of pleasure and a hiss of pain.

Jack looked at the bathroom doorway then at Cam.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  Not a problem, sir."

"Don't be smug."

He smirked a little bit.  "Want helped in there?"

"No. I'm fine."  He stood and stretched.  "Daniel needs more time working out," he said quietly.

"I heard that," Daniel called.  "You guys didn't get half as much as I did."

"True," Cam admitted.  "Or we just hide it better."

"That's also a possibility," Jack agreed.  "The kid?"

"I got told McKay had quarantined himself up with him.  So it's probably the full quint up there like last time."

"That's fine.  Let's go check on his office.  He'll kill someone if it hurt his plants."

Cam held up a hand, grabbing his comm.  "Lehane."  She came on after a few seconds.  "Go check Xander's office, make sure the spores didn't hurt anything.  No, he's in his room.  Thank you.  The anti-spores are working, yeah."  He hung up.  "They like her.  She feeds them too."

"Good idea."  He stretched and winced, Cam doing the same.  They'd never let Daniel see it though.  "We're probably going to have to drain and clean the lanar's pools."

"I feel sorry for the people I saw trying to soak in the biting fish's pool."

"Ow," Jack agreed.  "Girls?"

"Not all of them."

"Very ow."  They went to shower in their own rooms then look things over.  Jack was the ranking member, even with Sheppard in charge.  They found him in the caf looking after some of his people and making sure they ate.  "You good?" Jack asked.

"I'm fine," John promised.  He grinned.  "Can we kill him, sir?"

"If he's not dead yet, he will be," he promised.  "Daniel would like to have a word with him too."

"He won't save us any."  He walked out with them.  He spotted Ellis stumbling out of somewhere and ignored it.  "Chuck," he said when he spotted him, wiping at his own hairline.  Chuck did that and blushed, going to shower.  "Report for duty tomorrow," he called.

"Can we kill him, sirs?"

"Later, us first," Jack ordered.  "If we can get him from Daniel."

"Damn, you guys won't save us any."  He went to take a shower.  He clearly didn't clean up well enough.

John walked into the infirmary, finding Doctor Keller in there giving someone a shot.  "Anything too bad I have to hear about?"

"Some fish bites from those overcome.  One's a pretty bad bite, I had him evacuated to earth."  She looked him over.  "You good?"

"Bit sore, nothing else.  You?"

"Decent enough.  The ship's nurses are all in decontam gear."

"I remember.  We finished healing Xander's hip, and both of their's chests.  Check on Walters?"

"She's fine.  They left me a note."  John nodded at that, crossing his arms over his chest.  "Tylenol behind you, sir."

"I'm fine."

"I should scan Xander's injury."

"Give him until tomorrow, Keller," he said more quietly.  "They had a...profound moment."

"With a ring?"

"No, something special."  She stared at him.  He stared back.  "I'm not sharing."

"Fine.  I'll wait until tomorrow for him and McKay unless they come in."

"I'll bring them some pills."  He got them and brought them up to the group.  He smiled at the sleeping, cuddled pile, with Rodney underneath Evan's head.  He put down pain killers and bottles of water where they'd spot them then left, locking the door behind himself.  He checked in the office.  "Faith, they good?"

"They're fine.  Bit limp but just hungry I think."

"Okay.  We're going to try to get dinner together.  Duties start tomorrow."

"Gotcha."  She looked at him.  "You okay?"

"Better than some probably."  He left, going back down to the caf again.  He and Cam could make dinner again.  Cam was already working on something so he joined in.  Jack helped.  "Atlantis, how many people are in the lanar?"

"Sixteen.  One of the eggs was accidentally knocked out but they put it back and patted it.  One may need medical intervention.  He was soaking in the biting fish pool and doesn't seem to realize he's been bitten multiple times."

"Keller to the lanar for fish bites," Cam called.  He heard her groan back.  He hung up.  "How many people are on Nila?"

"Maybe thirty.  I keep losing track of one."

John walked out there, going to the command center first.  It was the first open, big enough space.  "People, dinner time," he called.  "Clean up and go eat."  They groaned but slowly got up and limped that way.  "Infirmary has tylenol."

"Harris left some out for us," one complained.

"He was busy too."  He went to the pool room.  "People, dinner.  Time to clean up and eat," he ordered. "Mitchell and I are making dinner."

"Why can't you bring some out?" one begged, trying hard not to move.  "Harris did."

"Harris was busy and he's napping.  You're a military woman, you can get up," he assured her, helping her out.  "Go bathe and eat tonight.  Tylenol in the infirmary but I'll ask some to be put in the caf too."  She nodded, trudging that way.  He helped a few more out and the rest were sleeping so he had Nila write a virtual note on the wall.  He went back to helping cook.  "They all wanted to be babied like Xander did."

"So did I," Cam admitted.  "I had them move some drugs in here."  He pointed at the box.  "Um, you might wanna change."

John looked at himself and went to change.  That pool had apparently been infected by sperm.

***

Xander got up and stretched, wincing some.  Radek was staring at him, smiling some.  "It's more than worth the soreness," he promised, kissing him.  Evan moaned from behind him.  "Morning, Ev."

"Xander."  He purred, pulling him back to kiss his neck.  "Why don't you sleep on me?"

"Because you wiggle like I do," he teased.

"Good point I guess."  He let Xander flip over and kiss him properly.  "Are you sore?"

"Just a bit.  I'm okay and it was amazing."  He took another kiss then leaned back to kiss Radek, earning a smirk.  He looked at the snoring one then at them.  "Should we?"

"He'll complain."

Xander leaned over to hug Rodney.  He woke with a start and hugged back, giving him a sleepy hum of noise.  "Morning."

"Morning."  He yawned, covering his mouth.  "What time is it?"  He checked the clock.  "Dinner."

"Someone left us water and tylenol," Radek noticed.  They all sat up and took some.  Radek gave Rodney a pointed look.

"Let me go shower and change.  You three...reconnect.  It was amazing to see that," he offered.  "Absolutely amazing.  It even broke through the haze for us."  He left.

Radek pulled Xander to his knees to look him over.  Evan was checking his hip while Radek checked his backside.  "You're very open."  He touched it, earning a small hiss.  So he kissed it.  Xander whimpered.  He tongued it and it was good.  Xander was wiggling and making pleading noises.  Evan sucked him down and it was good.  Xander came and went limp again.  Radek kissed them both.  "Behave.  I will go get us food."

"We should all appear," Evan said.

Xander made a protesting noise.  "No brains."

"Sure, we can wait," he promised.  Radek cuddled again, running a finger over his hip.  "It's all healed."

"Excellent news."  He kissed the area.  "Remember to work your way back up to sparring."  Xander nodded, thumping his head on the pillows.  He smiled.  "You without brains is just as cute as you being cuddly."

Xander pulled him down to cuddle, yawning some.  "It's no fair.  I just woke up."

"Hmm, that's still fine," Radek promised.

Evan laughed, smirking at him.  "Sometime we should all do that.  That way we all feel it."

Radek moaned and shifted.  "I did not need that lack of blood or thinking."

Xander kissed him.  "It was incredible feeling.  I felt joined."

"We were."  Evan pulled him back against him.

"I should make you guys happy again so you're just as tired."

"I'm already exhausted and can't even think about getting it up," Radek admitted.

Evan looked down at himself then at Xander.  "Later tonight, when we're back in bed."  Xander nodded, stroking him until he got off.  "Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome.  Should be limp and sated like I am."  Evan took kisses and held him.  Radek got Xander's back to guard them for now.  No one interrupted them.  They finally managed to make it into a shower and got cleaned then dressed.  Though Xander did look at the plugs he had.  Radek selected one and slid it in for him so he wouldn't have to unstretch all the way down without help.  Xander put on something loose and comfortable.  They put back on jeans and shirts.  Then they went to dinner.

"Wow, I can see why someone wanted him to be theirs to own with the way he moves sometimes," one Marine hissed to his friend.

Evan smacked him on the head.  "They were all wrong.  You can't own a person."

"Yes, sir, sorry, sir, just saying he moves differently around you two."  He ducked his head.

"Yeah, so you get to go see Ronon too," he said dryly.

"Yes, sir," he said, slumping down.

"Someone clearly sat on something," one of the women said, staring at that table.  John got her and she whined.  He glared.  She ducked her head down and finished dinner quickly.  The others at her table snickered.

"Remember the rules, people.  What happens while spored stays while spored.  No gossiping, no suggesting, and if you want to continue that with someone you ask them on your own time," John announced.  They all nodded and a few groaned.  He sat down at Xander's table, across from him.  "That was the most incredibly touching thing I've ever seen.  It was more special than even some weddings that I've been to," he said quietly.  Xander smiled but blushed.  He patted him on the hand.  "I'm sorry I slightly broke the mood."

"It was okay.  We needed a breather," Radek promised.  "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm good.  McKay?"

"Showering," they all said.

"That's fine."  He smiled at them.  "Duties start tomorrow if you can.  Xander, you can check over Nila."

"I'll need to clean that room," he agreed.

"Just hose it down."  He grinned.  "There's the General and Cam, and Daniel too."  He got up and put Daniel into his seat, getting a grin for the warmed seat.  "Soup?"

"Please," Daniel agreed.  He got them food and came back with it, then sat down with his own.  Rodney came in and got his own, coming over to join them.  Ronon and Faith came in too, with the pets.  Who jumped the daddies and cuddled.  "Hi, kids," Daniel said.  Mira leaned over to lick his ear.  He petted her.  "Thank you, dear."  She roared and snuggled in again.

Rodney smiled at her.  "Hungry or just lonely?"  He fed her a sandwich and ate the rest himself.  She ate the paper bowl though.  Armand didn't want food, he just wanted cuddled so it was good for them.

"Aww, he looks like a little kid who's cuddling a stuffed toy," one guy said quietly.  Faith threw something at him, making him duck, yelp, and run.  "Sorry!" he shouted as he ran.

Xander shook his head, looking at the sleepy dragon.  "They don't have pets, do they?"  Armand snuffled and went limp again.  Xander smiled.  "It's good you're cuddly.  I couldn't stand an uncuddly pet like Mira."

Armand sniffed at Mira then at him, grumbling some but he did love to cuddle the daddy.  Xander finished dinner and they went up to the bedroom.  Armand sniffed the bed and refused to lay down.  Evan came in to help so that was fine.  He tried to romp under the new sheets, but it still smelled like daddy mating scents and uncle mating scents.  He made a pouty face at them and nosed the bed.

"I think we need to febreeze the mattress," Evan said.

"Maybe.  We have had a lot of sex on it."  He found the febreeze while Xander saved the dragon.  He sprayed the mattress, then they flipped it over.  That was better and the dragon was happier to romp while they remade the bed.  "Spoiled," Xander teased, laying down to cuddle him.  Evan put in a movie and they snuggled together.  Radek came in with something to nibble on.  "I thought we had snacks."

Radek checked the hidden drawer of food.  "We do, pity."  He sat down and handed out food.  "Evan, Faith moved your easel into the magic room.  She said it was going to rain."

"That's fine.  I wanted to draw the room in there anyway."  They settled in to watch the movie.  Until someone rang the bell.  "What?" he called.

Teyla walked in.  "Can we watch as well?"

"Sure," Xander said through a yawn.  "Guys?"

"Good for me," Radek admitted.  "I am too tired to do more than cuddle."

"Amen," Evan agreed, poking Xander when he yawned.  "Quit that."  Xander kissed him during it.  "Still.  Quit yawning."  Xander grinned and snuggled between his boys again.  Ronon and Teyla got the footboard.  John and Rodney came in a few minutes later with their own snacks and took up the other half of the bed.  Faith came in and got the floor by the footboard and it was better when she got tossed a pillow.  They watched two movies, Teyla being the last up, but even she slowly fell asleep in there.

***

Jack got up in the morning and went to the command center before breakfast.  "Anything else happen that'll give me more gray hair?"

"Sir, we can't exactly find Colonel Sheppard and he has a meeting in an hour," Chuck said quietly.

"You can't *exactly* find him?"

"I'm pretty sure I know where he is, but if I break into it, that's going to get my butt in trouble, sir."  Jack gave him a 'get on with it' look.  "I think they went to have team movie night in the aerie."

"The office?" he sighed.

"His tv is in his room, sir."

"Ah.  Why do you think this?"

"There's been no sign of Ronon being up at dawn like always.  No Teyla being up at dawn like normal.  No sign of Faith watching the sunrise like usual.  No sign of McKay grumbling without coffee or Sheppard, or Lorne or Radek."

"Can we subtly check?"

"If I want to invade their privacy and turn on the video camera that the colonels agreed would stay shut off until it was an emergency.  It would mean others could get into it."

He sighed.  "Let me go check."

"Thank you, sir."

He went up there, ringing the bell.  No answer.  He winced and asked the door to open.  He wasn't going to say anything.  His team had ended up napping on the same couch a few times.  Teal'c made a decent enough pillow who never moved.  He walked in and stared.  Faith was sleeping on Ronon's hanging arm, cuddling it almost.  Teyla had taken up a spot on Ronon's hip.  The quint was on the bed.  John was being a pillow for Radek.  Rodney was underneath John's head, and Mira was patting down his hair.  Armand cheeped at him.  "Hey," he said quietly.  Evan was all but laying on top of Xander's head and chest.  Xander was snoring and now and then he'd suck on Evan's chest.  Evan's mouth was sucking on McKay's arm.  Yeah, this was cute.  He took a picture it was so cute.  Mira growled.  He stared at her and she settled down with a meep of discontent.  He coughed.  "People?" he asked.  "We don't mind but it's breakfast."

"Movie night, sir," John moaned, trying to move.  He glared at the dragon.  "I like my hair."  She purred at him and patted it some more.  "He needs to train you better," he complained, sitting up.  He looked at Jack.  "Team movie night, sir."

"My team did the same thing many times, Colonel.  Teal'c doesn't move so he and Daniel became the favorite pillows."  He smirked as he walked out.

"Is he gone?" Ronon asked.

"Yeah," John said.

Ronon carefully extracted himself from the women, no matter how much Faith tried to keep him.  He picked her up and put her on the bed.  She cuddled up against Radek's back, taking John's warm spot.  Xander snuffled her and shifted closer to hug her.  And suck on her shoulder.

John shook his head, helping Teyla up since she was groaning at her former position.  "C'mon, we'll let them wake up on their own."  She nodded and they left.  Mira bounced after them, going with John back to his room.  He took a shower and she patted down his hair when he came out.  "Leave my hair alone today," he complained.  "It's fine."  He fluffed hers up, getting a pouty face.  He smirked.  "Then go get daddy to fix it."  She ran off to get him to fix it.  He got dressed and made it to breakfast quickly enough for food instead of the 'late riser' line.  "Thank you," he said, taking his tray out to sit down and eat at their normal table.

***

Evan woke up and blinked.  "No wonder it tastes different this morning."  He gave Radek a gentle nudge and nodded.  Radek blinked at the two cuddling together.  He sighed and woke up Xander, who nearly flinched. " Shh," Evan whispered.  He pointed.  Xander grinned at the sight of Faith cuddling Rodney and trying to hide from them under his shoulder.  They got out of bed carefully so they wouldn't wake her.  Xander got the huge, fluffy quilt and put it over them.  Rodney moaned in pleasure and shifted.  Faith was by herself now so they could wake Rodney.  Xander stroked over his hair, nodding when he blinked at him.

Rodney glanced back and nodded, though he scowled when he saw his shoulder.  "Must you two suck so often in your sleep?" he demanded in the transporter.

"Yes, you eat as much sugar as Xander so you taste good," Evan shot back with an evil look.

"I suck as much as you do," Xander said, coming off and heading for the caf.  "Sorry, Rodney."

"I'll wear a turtleneck next time."  He went to clean up, finding Mira dashing around his room so she could rub against his brush.  "Who messed up your fur?" he asked her.  She patted her head.  "I'll beat him later."  He brushed her down and she was happier and calmer.  He got to take a shower.  He was sweaty from trying to fight off the mouths all night apparently.

***

Xander walked out to Nila, looking around.  "Morning, Nila.  I'm here to clean up after the spores."

"There are still two people sleeping in the pool," she told him.

He went to look, staring at them.  "Were they like that when they went in?" he asked, backing out.

"Let me review, Xander."  She paused.  "No, they were not."

"Hey, the weird and impossible didn't happen to me this time!" he said happily.  He went rushing off.  "Doc!  The weird and impossible didn't happen to me this time!" he said when he ran into her.  "I managed to not be the statistical improbability!"

She calmed him down.  "I need to scan you."

"Sure, make sure I didn't get knocked up too."

She gave him an odd look.  "What?"

Jack walked up to them.  "Kid, you look too happy.  Calm down before you bounce us to death," he ordered, looking fond of the boy.

"I managed not to be the statistical improbability this time!"

"Wonderful.  Did Danny manage to miss it?"

"I'll scan him for the funny mental disease too," Keller sighed.  She scanned Xander.  "No, you're not pregnant and your hip is looking good.  Slowly work the stretching and all that back up and you can spar in a few weeks probably."  He kissed her on the forehead.  "Thank you.  Now, who was pregnant?"

"Two guys on Nila from Faith's team."

Jack moaned.  "Doc, go check Danny please?  He manages to do the same sort of improbable things as the kid does."  She went to do that.  "Show me, kid."

"John should."

"I outrank him so I get the pleasure of dealing with strange stuff."  He walked him out to Nila.  "Morning, Nila."

"Good morning, child Jack."

"Nila, why don't you call Xander that?" Jack asked.

"Because he is not our child, he was with us."

"That makes sense."  Xander led him back to the pool area.  He walked carefully around the used condoms and wrappers, the spots of cum, and a splashed out water.  "Someone had a lot of fun," he decided.  Both men woke up.  "Gentlemen."

"Oh, shit," they muttered and sank down.

"At ease, guys.  I think we have a problem.  I'm not talking about you guys being in that water, which I wouldn't want to touch right now, but I think if you look down you'll see it."

They both stared down, then one started to laugh hysterically.  "Fucking ancients!" he cackled.

"Exactly," Xander agreed.  "C'mon.  Out of the spermy water, guys.  Before it hits you a second time."

"Why couldn't you get hit!" the other one wailed.  "You always get the strange stuff!"

"I know and it was mean.  We'll figure it out," Jack promised.  "C'mon.  Let's take you guys to shower in the infirmary so Keller can check you over."  They got out and Jack handed them towels that had been teleported in.  "Thank you, Nila."  He walked them to the infirmary while Xander got the pool area drained and cleaned up.  Daniel met them in there.  "You weren't caught, right?"

"No.  No I wasn't."

"Why not!" the hysterical one shouted.  "You and Harris *always* get hit with the strangest shit!  This should be you!"

"I know," Daniel said calmly.  "I know it should be.  We'll figure out how it happened after you two take a shower."  They pouted but did that.  "Atlantis?" he called.  She appeared, looking attentive.  "What did Team 14 get into right before the spores hit?"

"They were digging around in an unopened lab."

"What did they touch?"

"I do not know."  She stared at him.

"Was there anything in that lab that could've made two men pregnant?" Jack asked.

She scanned it and beamed.  "Yes."  She disappeared.

"Fucking ancients!" Keller shouted.

"Yup," Jack decided.  "Thank god it wasn't you or Harris," he muttered.  Daniel hit him on the arm.  "Just sayin'!" he complained.

"Shut up, Jack.  Go arrange for them to take the ship back."

"Yeah, sure, I can do that."  He hurried off.  "Colonels, join me in the office," he called on his jog that way.  This was weird even for Atlantis.  They all stood when he walked in.  "Sheppard, find that lab Team 14 was in, and keep it away from everyone else since you're losing two people due to male pregnancy."

Ellis gave him a horrified look.  "Sir, are you mentally incapacitated?" he asked.

"No."  Doctor Keller came in.  "Well?"

"The same father.  Though I'm not sure how with as much sperm was in that water out there."  She scanned them all.  "Thank God the rest of you didn't touch that machine."  She looked up.  "No gating so they'll have to beam back.  We know beaming is okay for pregnant women when we didn't have a choice one time.  Gating we can't be sure of."  Jack nodded at that.  Ellis whimpered and sat down.  "Apparently they were in a lab in the tower under Xander's office.  In a storage area that hadn't been explored.  One of the machines in there was for asexual reproduction."  She looked at John.  "I'm damn glad McKay delegated them to go look at it for him."

"Yeah, me too," he agreed.  He sighed.  "Two people?"  She handed it over.  "You've looked at the other two on that team?"

"I can't find Faith."

"She's sleeping in Xander's bed.  We put her in it after we all fell asleep watching movies," John said.

"That's fine.  I'll check on her.  Kissen isn't."

"Good," John agreed.  "Just to make sure, the ones who get into trouble aren't?  Xander, Daniel?"

"No and no.  Xander was so happy he was bouncing that he missed the statistical improbability."

"Thank you!" he called up to the ceiling.  He smiled at her.  "Okay.  Let me break the news to the father."  She handed over who it was.  "You guys arrange how to get them back, and Cam, find me two people to take their place please since you do so good making teams."  He nodded, going to do that with Kissen.

"I'll bring them back with me, sir," Ellis agreed.  "Let me get my head doctor down so he can be briefed."

"Please do.  It's advanced it to five months," Keller said.  "Past the point most pregnancies have problems."

"Even better," Jack decided.  "Not as many months of angsting and decorating."  She walked off snickering with Ellis calling his head doctor down.  Jack looked at John.  "I asked her to scan Jackson too."

"I don't let him through the gate without at least Mitchell, sir.  Even if they're friendly."

"Thanks, Colonel."  He left, going to make his own plans so he could go home soon.

***

Faith woke up with a moan, pushing back her hair.  She stretched, realizing she wasn't in her bed because she didn't have a fluffy blanket.  She looked around.  Plants.  "Must be boytoy's room," she decided, sitting up and stretching.  She looked around.  No one.  "I was on the floor," she muttered.  Someone rang the bell again.  She checked.  "Yeah, I'm dressed," she called.  John and Keller walked in together.  "I was on the floor," she complained, still half-asleep.

"We moved you when Ronon wanted his arm back," he said, smiling at her.  "Let the doc scan you, Faith."

"She just gave me a shot.  Why?" she whined.  She let the doctor scan her and something apparently worked because she was happy.  "Am I gonna live?"

"For a good, long time," she promised.  She left them alone.

John helped her out and gave her one of Xander's soda stash.  She gulped it and looked at him.  "More awake?"

"Kinda, why?"

"Well, when we got up, the trio was still asleep and so was Rodney," he offered.  "You kept trying to hide from the two who give hickies underneath him."  She growled.  "Nothing happened," he said, pointing at her arm.  "We knew they wouldn't touch you."

"Yeah, they all think of me like a sister.  Even spored I didn't get a second look from them.  But I get to get them for the hickey," she decided.  She looked at him again.  "What else and what was with the doc visit?"

"Two of your team tripped the asexual reproduction unit in that lab."  She stared at him, confused as hell.  "You and Kissen aren't pregnant."  She nodded slowly.  "The other two aren't that lucky."  She burst out laughing.  "They're all but crying, Faith."

"I'm so glad I wasn't in that lab!"

He patted her on the back.  "Us too.  Your mood swings would be horrible."  She smirked and nodded.  "Anyway, your team's on stand down until we can give you two more people.  They're in the infirmary and Kissen was there nagging them too.  They knew not to touch ancient technology."

"Yup."  She walked out with him, going down there.  She saw Evan and punched him on the arm, hard.  "That's for the damn sucking."

He grinned at her, rubbing the sore spot.  "You looked cute under the quilt."  She hit him again.  "Ow!  Be nicer or go on a team mission with Jackson."

"Mean shit," she said, glaring at him.

He smirked.  "You're still like my sister, no matter how much I do that in my sleep, Faith."

"Clearly.  Even spored I didn't get any looks from you guys.  Don't do it again."

"It could've been Xander."

"I know.  I'll beat him later."

"He'll make you clean the pool on Nila," John said dryly.  "He did two other guys who asked about his hickey."

"Poor schmucks," she said.  She walked into the infirmary, looking at her teammates.  "Didn't they tell us all not to touch the strange machines without a geek telling us what it was?"

"Yes and apparently we were dumb," one sighed.

"Clearly," she agreed.  "But hey, maybe we can give that one to the Genii."  They smirked evilly at her.  She patted the bellies, getting kicked.  "Damn you two are unlucky.  Worse than X and Jackson since I heard they didn't get hit."

"Don't remind us," one said.  "We apparently were incredibly evil in our past lives."  He looked down.  "My parents are going to kill me.  I must've done something like torture for Caesar in my last life."

"You'll be fine and you can tell your parents that an ex left you the baby and died," Keller said.  "Or take up with the father.  Your choice."

"No thanks," the other one said.  "Who is the father?"  She showed them and they groaned.

Faith glanced.  "At least he's not ugly.  He's big.  Strong.  The kids will make kick ass Marines."  They both glared at her so she smirked.  "Damn glad I took the shot a few days ago, guys.  Even if I wasn't there."

"You're a godmother," they said in unison.

"That comes with babysitting duties," one quipped with an evil smirk.

"You guys want *me* to babysit?"  They smirked and nodded.  She wouldn't sniffle.  She wouldn't.  Even if she was, they understood and hugged her because they had mood swings now too.

Keller left them alone.  They needed privacy.  She dragged Kissen with her to make sure.

***

John found his target in the gym and grabbed his arm, nodding.  "We have to talk."  He led him to a quiet atrium up the hallway.  "I know the rules about sporing apply but this time something strange happened and you have to know," he said quietly.

"This is looking like a bad talk," he said quietly, glancing around.  "I wasn't with one of the girls, Colonel."

"I know that but Team 14 was in an Ancient lab right before then."

"Lehane?" he asked with a wince.

"No.  The two junior members."

He sat down.  "So why come talk to me with this bad looking talk?"  He showed him the scans.  "Um....  Ancients could do that?"

"Yup."  He sat down beside him.  "It's up to you guys what you do about it.  Claiming it, all that stuff is between you three.  They're leaving for the mountain on the ship tomorrow so you guys need to talk today.  Keller has them in the infirmary," he said quietly.  "Because this isn't exactly normal."

"How do I read this thing?"

He pointed.  "How far along in days, healthy both of them, both girls."  He looked at him.  "Before you ask, Xander found them and thanked God it wasn't him for once.  Jackson too," he offered with a grin.

"Gee, thanks."  He sighed, leaning back.  "I don't know what I want."

"Then talk to them.  You guys need to talk about this soon."  He nodded and went to talk to them.  John handed a nurse back the display unit.  "Hand that only to Keller."  He cleared it for her and walked off.

She went to the infirmary, seeing why they were having a private discussion in the atrium now.  This wasn't normal even for the SGC.  Keller took the display from her limp hand.  "Ma'am."

"Go rest," she ordered quietly.  She walked over to the other doctor, who had just made his unhappiness known.  "I don't care what you think they should do.  That is their choice,  Doctor Horace.  On Atlantis, we do not force such decisions."  He flinched.  "I can make sure Doctor Lam feels the same way."  He nodded, shaking his head as he walked off.  "Gating isn't safe or we'd do it that way," she told them quietly.

"Can Harris move us?"

"It's just as dangerous I think.  I can ask."  They nodded and pulled the curtains around them so they could talk to the father of their daughters.  She walked off, hearing him yelling at Ellis.  "Shut up before you spread confidential information," she ordered.  Both of them stiffened and quit arguing.  "We do not spread patient info around needlessly," she reminded them.  She looked at Ellis.  "I don't see a danger to their health at this time.  The scanners don't either.  Yes it's strange, but the machine made accommodations for them apparently."

Ellis sighed and nodded.  "So they're perfectly healthy and able to keep going?"

"Yes.  They should deliver within weeks of you getting back to base if you're fully operational."

"I am."

"Good."  She smiled.  "I can ask if Xander can move them instead."

"Please do.  That might get them to a more supportive medical environment sooner," Ellis agreed.  "Ship travel can upset your body."

"Still safer than gate travel, Colonel."  She stared at him.  "Do you trust your people?"

"I have some restless first tour people, ma'am."

"I'm sorry to hear that.  It'll be fine."  He nodded at that.  She went to talk to Xander.  "Xander, would beaming them to the base via your bracelet hurt them?"

"No.  No more than beaming would.  It might give them some temporal radiation but it'd leak off in days."

"Good.  Ellis isn't sure some of his people won't have a problem."

He nodded.  "I can do that.  I can usually only take three at a time so give me stuff for Doctor Lam and I'll take them singly."  She nodded, going to get that ready for him.  He looked at Daniel.  "Higher purpose and all that," he quipped, getting a grin back.  He made sure his bracelet was charged and ready to go again.  He had tested his new one but this one he was sure wouldn't strand them halfway there.  He hadn't tested that one in that sort of range.  He got his bracelet and walked down to the infirmary.  "Okay, guys."  He grinned.  "This means I get to get some more cheetos too."  He made sure he had his wallet and winked.  "C'mon.  Files?"  She handed them over to the first one going.  "Okay, hold on."  He stepped closer and held on around his waist, one hand over his stomach to make sure the child came too.  He sent them down to the infirmary on base, which was a madhouse.  He sat the guy on a free bed out of the way and pulled a nurse over.  "Is it bad, can I help?  He needs to see Lam once she's free."

"Incoming team," she said.  She got free.  "Carolyn, you have Xander waiting on you."

She looked over and Xander waved files so she went back to what she was doing.  Finally she got done so she came over.  She noticed the guy trying to hide behind him.  "Internal tumor?" she guessed.  "Parasite?"

"That kicks," Xander said, handing over the files.  "I've got to get the other one.  I figured I'd wait."

"Thank you.  Go get him while I read this over."  Xander left and came back with the other one, who puked in the trash can.  She read it over, then stared at them.  "Ancient machine?"  They nodded.  "Okay."

"We were just spored thanks to that idiot botanist who did it on purpose," Xander said.  "John said he told the father."  She nodded at that.  "Ellis's doctor was still complaining they should terminate and Doctor Keller looked meaner than usual about it."

"Good to know.  Go get treats, Xander."  He walked off.  She looked at them.  "What do you two want to do?"

"We just got told this morning, ma'am, and Doctor Keller said both girls are growing at an advanced rate," the pukey one admitted.

She stared at them.  "Okay, we can talk about that.  Let me scan you again so you can rest."  She pulled over the scanner and it told her what the machine had done, which machine had done it, how well they were, and that the daughters both looked fine.  She saved it down for Landry's FYI meeting later. "There we go.  Lay down for now.  I'll leave you two over here.  Yell if you need anything."  They took off their boots and laid down for her.  "Good boys."  She walked off, taking that printout to Landry, who was arguing with Xander.  "Of course he can go get snacks," she said.  "It's not like he won't be back there within an hour or so."

"We don't have a new contract with him, Doctor."

She looked at him.  "General, with all due respect, he could've just blipped off base and not told us.  If he's willing to stay even though you guys pissed him off, he's more tolerant than I am."

"I like Nila and Atlantis," Xander said quietly.

"Good!  Now go get snacks, Doctor's orders."  He grinned and skipped off to do that.  She handed him the forms.  "He brought them down on orders of Doctor Keller because Ellis's head doc wanted them to terminate without asking their opinion.  The father has been told according to Xander."

He sighed.  "What now?"  He read it over and stared at her.  "They're what?"

"About six months along.  I have them resting.  With the rate they're growing they're due in about eight days."

He groaned.  "Wonderful."

"We'll do what we can but you need to tell them their enlistment status so they can make plans.  The father may be coming back as well."

"That's fine," he agreed.  "I'll look at their files."  She smiled at him.  "He's being spoiled."

"Before he left and blipped back."  She shrugged.  "He could've done that but he decided to be respectful and ask."

"Good point.  Thank you.  I was still trying to get him to sign on again."

"O'Neill is up there, he can do that."  He smirked at that.  "I'm sure he's talked to them about it since more than one contract would be involved."

"I forgot he was dating."

"I'm told they're very tight, sir.  Got him calmed down after all that and everything."  She left.  She had patients to make sure they were healing.

***

Xander reappeared.  "Okay, and I got the three texted requests as well," he said firmly.  He handed the bags to Chuck.  "Since you sent them."

"Thank you, Xander."  He smiled.   "You're real nice to us."  Xander smiled back.  "The general was wanting to know when you got back."

"I'm heading for the lab to give Rodney his stuff."  He walked that way.  "Rodney."  He handed over the bag of desired chocolates.  He handed Radek his bag of spoiling.  Evan walked in with the general so he got his with a grin.  "General, why is the fucking idiot botanist who spored us on purpose walking around the main base like he owns it?" he asked.

"I don't know.  Did you point that out?"

"Landry said he wasn't under arrest."

"Bet me," he said dryly.  He put down three contracts.  "Major Lorne, that one is yours for reupping.  Doctor Zelenka, that one is yours.  Yours and Harris's both have generous out clauses if you get that pissed at us again.  Major, you'd have to make due and visit for a bit."

"That's fine, sir, I understand."  He signed him.

Radek read and signed his.  "Thank you, General."  He handed it back.

Rodney glanced.  "Eighteen months?"

"That'll get us back to earth and we can all make decisions then," Jack told him.  "Yours is up about a month before we plan to get you back there."  Rodney waved a hand and shrugged.  "Fine.  Harris."  He handed over his.  "I changed three terms."  He pointed at them.  "Including where your pay was supposed to go.  Some of it did get to your account but Dawn apparently shoe shopped.  The rest that did not get given to you by our records will be going into your account, not hers.  I have changed your listed power of attorney up here and your benefits have the three of them listed equally," he said quietly.  Xander nodded at that.  He looked at the last clause.  "That is a non-disclosure on both sides.  We can't talk about you, you can't talk about us."

Xander smiled.  "Do I get to keep my plants and things?"

"Yes you do."  He made sure that was in there, pointing at it.  "Any herbology, mineral, or other samples you collect are yours as long as you give us some of them to test for dangers, which you'd do anyway.  Also, anytime you find anything on your travels, they are yours as well.  That was also in Zelenka's about the ship.  He looked at the boy.  "Or if you loot somewhere.  It says we can't confiscate anything of yours at all without a trial and we'd give it to Dawn as long as it wasn't a harmful weapon."  Xander nodded and smiled.  "That should head off any more problems and I will be reminding the IOA board of what you did to the Trust's board.  They're annoying the hell out of us right now and need that reminder."  He ruffled the boy's hair.  "Good enough?  It'll give you one day past Radek's so you have time to pack the room and the office."

"That'll work," he decided, signing it.  He handed it back.  "Thank you."

"Welcome, kid.  You know I like you."  He walked off happier.  "Going home now," he shouted as he walked into the command center.  Daniel came down to give him a hug and ask him for a few things.  Mitchell shook his hand and asked for a few things.  He made notes so he wouldn't forget then headed home with the staff that was changing out, including the baby's daddy.

"Eighteen months?" Rodney asked.

"Depending on how things go," Xander agreed quietly.  "Because I'm not liking the prior trend of screwing up my life on purpose."

"I can agree with that then."  He got back to work on his newest design.  "How many jewels have you looted?"

"None."  He smirked.

"This week?" he taunted.

"Yeah.  I have to test the new bracelet too."  He walked off happier.  At least it was settled for now.

***

Jack walked out of the stargate from Midway, looking around.  "MP's."  They snapped to attention.  "I believe I sent back a botanist in disgrace and under arrest.  Is he not?"

"No, sir," one reported.  "General Landry said he was not until he had the paperwork.   He did advise him to stay in his quarters."

"Apparently he doesn't take advice.  Go arrest the bastard for intentionally causing harm to the hundred and eighty-seven people on Atlantis.  Including intent to cause rape of all of them."  They winced.  "And making military officers act in a manner that's unbecoming."  They rushed off to find him.  He walked up to the office.  "He was under arrest."

"The president said he wasn't," Landry said quietly.

"I'll tell him to kiss my ass myself.  He is."  He walked off.  "I have new contracts on Harris, Lorne, and Zelenka since they were all running out, plus seven others."

"Thank you."

Jack went to file them with the liaison to the Pentagon.  "There," he said once he was back in DC.

"Thank you, General."  He looked.  "He wanted Harris stateside, sir."

"Harris said no.  It's his decision.  And I'm going to make sure that the president knows he's in deep shit for sending those spore plants back."  Colonel Davis shuddered.  "Exactly."  He took a ride over there, getting out and heading inside.  "He busy?" he asked the secretary.  She nodded. "Important busy or blowing his aide busy?"  She gasped.  He smirked.  "Truly busy?"

"Paperwork busy, General.  I can make you an appointment."

"I can beam him to my office," he offered.  She moaned.  He knocked then walked in there.  "Sir, I'm going to press charges against a certain botanist you sent to Atlantis that do including intent to cause rape of a hundred-seventy-eight people.  Do you realize that?"  He gasped and his wife did too.  "You knew what those spores did the last time."

"He modified them so they're weaker."

"So it only lasted two days," he sneered.  "Ask Generals Landry or Philips since they called in the middle of it while *I* was overcome.  I'm sure they didn't like what I was doing at that time," he said dryly.  "Also, Harris' contract states that we have him working on Atlantis and Nila, not on the main base.  That's where he wanted to be and where he will be."

"General O'Neill," the first lady started.

"Ma'am, with all due respect, shut up.  You're not in charge of the military and not many of us respected him before we knew about his college days because we all knew he had a drug sniffing dog put down for finding his weed."  She moaned and he looked at his boss again.  "It may be insubordination, sir, but perhaps you should look at the Trust's board's file.  Harris isn't like everyone else.  I find the kid's a lot like me actually.  In his contract it does state that if we try to force him to do a job he does not feel comfortable with again, such as the time we made him go be a pleasure slave to get information from the Ori, he can quit at any time.  That would include pulling him back down here against his will.  For that matter, he doesn't want to work for the CIA, he told me about their attempt, he won't work with the former Initiative idiots since he helped bring them down and considers them pig fuckers too, and he won't trust Landry ever again because of that incident.  Now, are there any other questions about *my* linguist?"

"He is a national asset," he said firmly, standing up.  "How dare you talk to me that way!"

"Sir, he's no longer American.  He's given up citizenship."  He handed over a copy of that letter.  "He's applying to be a citizen of either Canada or Wales."  He smirked.  "As for firing me?  Yay.  I can go fish.  We'll have another invasion in about six weeks.  Have fun with that."  He walked off again.  He went to the Pentagon and handed Davis the copy of that paper.  "Harris."

He looked it over.  "I'll talk to the liaison to England and Canada for the program, General.  Are you all right?"

"It felt really good to yell back for a change."  He walked off.  "Philips, did you need something important since the president sent that botanist up there with the spores that did it to us on purpose?"

He gave him a dirty look.  "He did?"

"Yup, and pressured Landry."

"I got asked to file conduct unbecoming charges and declined, Jack."

"Thank you.  I don't care right now but thank you.  I have a good defense."  He leaned on the doorway.  "So what did you need?"

"Some of my guys in Iraq found a few artifacts we think are in your area but almost all your good linguists are there."

"I can send it on.  Jackson's up there."

"Please."  He handed him the file.  "Landry was horrified."

"Hank was ordered to let the Botanist go free."

"Fucker," he muttered.

"Yelling back felt *real* good."  His shooting range buddy smirked at that.  "Let me see if we can help with this."  He saw Colonel Davis coming his way.  "Problems?"

"The president wanted me to tear up his contract.  I said I could not tear up a signed and filed contract, General.  Especially not from that program."

"He's going to hate this but he's had some personality changes recently," Philips said.  "Stick one of your doctors on his medical team and call him in for a medical check with his wife."

"I've already got that started, sir.  I thought it might be necessary.  General Landry as well."  He saluted and left.  "I'll meet with them later."

"I can call Xander down to translate something," Jack promised.  He texted Xander's phone, getting the boy ten minutes later.  "This is General Philips."

"Sir," Xander said with a nod.

"Some of my people in Iraq found some things that they think lead back to your project.  The translators were given key words that they were to hand on if they found."

Xander took the file.  "Can I work in your office, Jack?" he asked quietly, glancing around.

"Sure, kid.  Thanks, Philips."  He walked him off.  "Davis is talking to people today."  He walked him past his assistant, who gaped.  "Shut it," he warned.

"Yes, sir."  He got back to work.

"Let me know when Davis comes back."  He closed them in and let the kid have his computer.

Xander looked it over.  "Children of Io.  She was Zeus's girlfriend that got turned into a cow if I remember right."  He got deeper into the translation, finding the mythology reference in the other screen.  He finally looked up.  "Canopic jars I think but they were buried by Hera for her spouse cheating again.  The cow thing, they apparently fed on her."  He let him see it.  "She wasn't a happy scorned woman.  Someone Anya would've loved helping."

"I'm sure she was."   He went to find out where the seals were found.  That was his people's job.

Colonel Davis brought in the people who would need to talk to Xander.  He had his reasons for talking to those two and they were most happy to have him, even with him stating he was tired of being in battles, did not want any attention on him whatsoever, and he was going to be working on Nila for a few years probably.  They worked it out based on what problems they had with the program and other issues.  Xander decided to join his Mean Uncle as a Canadian and they agreed that Dawn could be a dual citizen thanks to her father being over there.  That rep knew Torchwood very well.

***

Jack Harkness looked up a few days later when someone was let into his office.  "Ianto, why did you let a government person in without warning?"

"I'm here about your daughter's citizenship, Captain."  He set down his briefcase.  "Mr. Harris was interested in shifting countries and thought of us due to his involvement and his property over here.  Both the apartment and the estate."  He sat down.  "He did mention that his charge was interning with you, her father, which would give her dual citizenship but those papers had not been filed.  This way we can make sure she's all legal and won't have a problem when she wants to attend one of our fine universities."

"Did Joyce agree?"

"She did agree she could take up her dual citizenship and agreed it would protect her more since their next issue is going to be bad.  By the way, I'm the liaison between our people and the special program Mr. Harris works on."

"Ah.  That's wonderful then."  He smiled.  "Dawn's in school."

"Yes, but she is a minor child.  Therefore I need to go over the paperwork with you first."  Ianto left and came back with some coffee.  He moaned.  "Some of the best I've had, sir.  Thank you for not making me suffer through military coffee again."  He smiled.  "Is Dawn interning?"

"She's on a paid internship so she can afford her own shopping habits."  Ianto left them alone.

Jack smiled.  "She's a fashionable sort."

"That's fine.  Those girls can often hide their brains to appear less vulnerable to the thugs that don't like smart people.  It gives them a hidden advantage.  I suppose she learned that from Harris since he looked like a comic book geek."

"And her sister," Jack agreed.  "So we're filing full dual citizenship with her?"

"Yes."  He pulled out the papers to hand to him.  "That is the US State Department's copy, that is her amended passport, and that is her papers for us."

Jack looked them over.  It wasn't obligating her to anything.  It was simply amending an oversight.  He signed where needed and called the school to tell her to come in as soon as she got done with her last test for the day and her science class that she hated.  He left and came back two hours later when she got there, going over the papers with her.  She sniffled but signed it as well.  Jack smiled at her.  "Did Xander join us here?"

"Canada actually.  We'd have to make him sign a new agreement and might have a problem with his security rating due to the issue of his former job and that military project.  Someone had tipped off the Canadian liaison so they had pre-cleared him.  Though I suppose he'll be more happy there with some made family that can support him.  He and Doctor McKay are apparently a lot alike sometimes.  Though he seems to have less temper."

"Unless you're a major screw up near him," Dawn agreed.

"Good to know."  He smiled at her.  "Now, you're all legal, you can pay local rates for tuition if it's applicable, and you can pick a doctor, young lady.  Are you in a suitable housing situation?"

"Xander setup an apartment for me.  I'm two blocks from Ianto.  It's *huge* and has a lot of his plants in it."  He smiled and nodded.  "They're over most of the time to nag me about clothes and things though."

"Excellent.  Then I'll leave it in your father's sensible hands since he told us you're not like most young ladies.  You're the sort that moves ahead by grades and goes to college early.  Which is always looked upon kindly by us."  He stood up after stowing the paperwork.  "Your passport as well."  She smiled at that.  "I know it'll come up sometime.  No matter how you got over here."  He left with a wink and got to have tea with his coworkers in the main office while filing those papers.

Jack looked at her.  "That'll probably help his taxes on the places since they're part of the empire."

"Probably.  Have you seen his estate?"

"Not yet."

"Me either."

"We'll see it soon then."  She beamed and nodded.  "Good. How did science class go?"

"Can't I zat her?"

"No.  Even if she is teaching things that don't make sense, no you cannot fire an energy weapon into her."

"She told me today that wormholes were only science fiction, no matter what some demented physicists said."

"You know better though."

"Yes, but in a few years, I have people in my class that could work with them."

"So get them the journals."

"I did.  That's why she went off on it.  Called him a crackpot too."

"She's wrong," he sighed.  "We all know she's wrong."

"The languages teacher called me a smartass again too."

"You are beyond her range," he admitted.  "Have you talked to them?"

"Daniel's on Atlantis."

"Carter's down here."

"I wrote her and haven't heard back yet."

"Write them?"

"No recent databurst.  Soon hopefully."  She smiled when Tosh came in.  "Did I get a new email?"

"From Doctor McKay this morning.  Two from Xander, one from John Sheppard, two from Faith."  She squealed and went to check it.  "Her school really does need some work."

"The only other option is college and she has to pass the tests."

"Which she can do outside of science."

"I'm looking it over."

She smiled.  "You're doing good as a father, Jack.  We all worried you'd take her to clubs and let her party but you've done very good."  She left, going back to bugging Owen about something to make him growl.

Dawn looked up at the growl.  "You sound like a vampire with insomnia when I pounced him."

"Did you at least bathe?" he asked her.

"Why?  Spike used to babysit me, Owen."

"Your sister is nutters."

She gave him a hug.  "There, feel better?"  She went back to her email.  "I'm officially half American now."

"Congrats.  Maybe it'll make you less insane like them."  He grimaced, going back to his work area to fuss at something.  Ianto smiled when he brought him coffee.  "Why are you so happy?"

He turned on the tv.  The president had been admitted to a hospital for various tests and they caught sight of Doctor Lam on the replayed film.  "I do believe they found out why he was tasking Xander."

"Xander's already Canadian," Dawn called.  "Too late."  She bounced in.  "But he did have someone send that spore plant back there on purpose."  She went back to her emails.  Faith needed a hug.  Rodney had ordered her to change schools.  Daniel had sent one as well that had agreed that it wasn't fitting as well as it should and he'd put her on home schooling instead.  She could do everything but science so he'd talk to Sam about that or Rodney and Radek since Radek liked to teach so much.

25: The Dawning Of Owen

Dawn strolled up to Buffy that night, staking the two vampires who were trying to grab her.  Buffy got the other one.  "Hi."  She handed over the cup of coffee she had carried.  "Ianto sent it."

She sipped and moaned.  "I need that man."

"Argue with Dad."

Buffy smiled.  "So how's it going?"

"Good."  She walked off with her.  "They all agreed that I could become half Welsh so I could do school easier."  Buffy nodded she knew that.  "Xander's now Canadian thanks to that crap."

"I heard he was switching from his email."

"They worked it out the other day."

"Wonderful."  She took another drink.  "What other news is there?"

"Like the new shoes?" she asked, letting her see.

"Pretty, stylish, and sensible.  Good job."  She gave her a hug.  "What other news is there?"

"Well, two things.  I'm nearly done with school.  I only have to pass science and Radek taught me physics so that might count.  I have to take that test for those who were home schooled."

"Wonderful.  So college?"

"In another two months.  I'll have a few months free if I get it."

"Even better.  Then what?"  She drained it.  "That is so good."

Dawn smiled.  "I thought you might like some.  What do you do if you figure out you have a major crush on someone and they treat you like you're retarded half the time?"

Buffy stared at her.  "Abusive?"

"Owen."  She sighed.  "He was being all grumpy earlier so I hugged him and it felt right, ya know?  Before he was just like the most nagging big brother ever who hated skirts and heels."

"Yeah, I do," she sighed.  "I felt that with Angel.  Damn, our love life isn't normal."

"No, it's not."

"Have you noted this to him?"

"I hope not.  He was treating me like a kid earlier."

"Have you talked to either of your two dads?  Or mom?"

"Mom was fast asleep when I popped in.  I made sure it was just sleep too."

"She's getting stronger.  They said within a year she'll be back to Mom strength."

"Good!"  She sighed.  "I'm so screwed!"

"Only if you're lucky.  Didn't he sleep with Xander?"

"Yeah," she sighed, slumping some.  "The whole office is bi."

"You are?"

"I can find some pretty but never tried it to make sure I liked it.  Well, that one kiss at the rave and then Owen broke it up real quick."

"So maybe he's treating you like a kid because he doesn't want to get close?"

"Maybe," she said, considering that.  "He did seem a bit jealous that night."

"Hmm, maybe," she agreed.  She smiled.  "If you do, I want to meet him better."

"Of course.  I'm sure Xander and Dad would give him the shovel talk."

"Yup, we will be."  Buffy patted her on the arm.  "That's a huge demon."

Dawn looked and waved a hand, killing it.  "Not anymore."  She looked at Buffy.  "The coven's really strict."

"I heard."  She smiled.  "Go talk to your dad.  He's known Owen longer."

"True."  She hugged her then blipped off.  She changed into jammies, because showing up in real clothes in the middle of night in Wales would cause a panic, and went to climb in with them.  Ianto woke up to blink at her and the clock.  "I have the mother of all crushes and have *no* idea what to do about it," she whispered.

He hugged her.  "Knock Owen down and kiss him stupid."  She giggled and snuggled in.  It was nice.  Jack was against his back.  Dawn was cuddly.  It was a good family night.

Jack waited until he made sure she was asleep to clear his throat.  "If she does, I get to beat him to death," he whispered.

Ianto laughed.  "They do suit each other."

"Fat chance.  He wouldn't protect her like she needs."

Ianto shifted to look at him.  "He seems to already."

"True."

"He appreciates her mind, he gets extremely jealous when she's flirted with."

"She's still a virgin."

"He'll be gentle."  He took a kiss with a smile.  "It'll be fine."  Jack grumbled but hugged him too.  "You're an excellent father to her genius little self."

"I am," he agreed.  "I haven't warped her too badly yet."  He stroked over Dawn's hair, smiling when she pushed up into the petting.  "Hedonist."  She snored and he laughed.  "That too."  They fell back asleep, comfortable with the snuggly one.

The next day, Dawn went into work instead of to school.  She had to take that test later.  She had changed into something more adult today and low heels.  Pants and a nice top.  Hair back.  She walked in and found Tosh and Owen having a screaming match.  "People, do not make me turn you into frogs!  Ianto didn't make any coffee yet this morning."  Tosh gave her a dirty look.  "He hasn't."

"You look very grown up today," she said dryly.

"Well, I turn seventeen in three days so yes I do."  She smiled and dug something out of her purse, handing it over.  "Here, you need it."  Owen walked off laughing.  "Then share with him."  Owen quit laughing to glare at her.  "Oh, please!  I saw worse from Buffy early in the morning, Owen!  Like you're the king of scowls.  Hell, Angel scowled better."  She looked at him.  "Though I still don't see how Buffy slept with him."  She walked off to make begging kitty noises at Ianto until he made her something.

He smirked at her.  "Addict," he teased.

"Quite pleased about it too.  Buffy offered you a date if you'd dump Dad."

"Not in my plans.  I don't really know what I'd do with a girl like her outside of the bedroom and I never go there on a first date."

"True, it took Jack a lot longer," Owen snarked.

Dawn looked at him.  He sprouted a dog's tail, making him yelp and glare.  "I can make it a kitty tail since you're hissing."

"Not ethical," he shot back, hands on his hips.  "I'll report you to the coven."

"They'll want to date you instead," she shot back and changed it to a fox tail.  "Better?"

"At least it's more like me."

Ianto handed out coffee.  "I can see it's going to be one of those days.  Dawn, test?"

"Two, school."

"Thank you.  Sit and do something so you quit worrying.  Owen, you need to not knock things over with that."  He handed Jack his since he was giggling.  "Gwen comes back tomorrow."

"I remember.  She sent me an email."

"How is her spawn?" Dawn asked.  "Last time I called, Rhys sounded like he was exhausted."

"She has colic," Tosh said.

"Aww, poor spawn.  That's the crying, always a tummy ache thing?"  She nodded.  "Well, I'm sure she'll grow out of it sometime.  Hopefully before she dates."

"Not with the way her mother bitches about things," Owen shot back.

She smirked at him.  "Catty, really."  She waved a hand.  "I can change it."

"Just take it off."

She looked at him.  "You told me I couldn't ever touch a man that way, Owen."  She gave him a pointed look and he blushed.  She did remove the tail but it'd come back when she went to take her test.  That would serve him right.  Though only Ianto would be able to see it.  He walked off looking smug so she gave him kitty ears instead.  He would notice that later.  She was harmlessly doing paperwork when her chair got tipped backward by a pissed off Owen.  "Yes?" she asked, looking smug.

"Take them off, Dawn Summers."

She scratched behind one, making him swat her.  "You look so adorable!" she cooed.

"Bitch."

"That's witch, thank you."

"I'm fairly certain I had that right," he shot back.

"Not really.  If I was being a bitch, you'd be in a lap being petted."  She smiled sweetly.  "Maybe being given to Cassandra as a pet."

"Don't you dare."

She smirked.  "Why would I want a kitty to pet, Owen?"  He blushed.  She poked him on the chest.  "And you thought I was nice and innocent before?"

"Yes!" he said firmly, letting her chair go.  He stomped off.

She followed, hopping up onto his table to look at him while he paced.  "While I'm innocent in some things, do you really think I don't know anything?  I mean, hello, only club in town was all ages and a vamp feeding spot.  Not to mention, average death age in Sunnydale was twenty-eight so yeah, we got it younger.  I'm a statistical anomaly for that town.  Hell, I had friends who got knocked up at fourteen.  We're Americans, we have smutty minds and HBO or Showtime."  Owen gaped at her.  She stared back.  "The same as I've seen it happen in front of me before.  In the club there, in the club here."

"You went clubbing alone?" he demanded.

"Hello, teen club."

"So?  It's still dangerous.  What if someone cut you or drugged you."

She leaned over.  "I have an automatic spell set up so if I'm ever hurt, I'd go somewhere safe.  That's why when I was poisoned I went to the old hub.  I reset it so it's here."  She pulled him closer.  "Remember, I'm not just nearly seventeen, I'm also a millennia old artifact of great power used to breach realms and dimensions.  I've seen wars, centuries of people living and dying, and got held by really solemn monks for a bit.  I'm the most screwed up person you'll ever meet because my sister has a duty to kill supernatural bad guys like an assassin, my mother loves art, and I know about aliens, even before I got here."  He nodded at that.  "So yeah, not normal.  Quit treating me like I'm two.  I may be a virgin, and have to take that into consideration some day soon, one way or another, but I'm not a little kid and I'm not that innocent."  She hopped down, looking at him.  "You fuss like you own me and I'd only wear a collar if I thought it was fun that day.  Some day I'll want to try that."  He was still gaping at her.  She walked off.  Jack motioned her closer.  "What?"

"You will take precautions when it happens, Dawn.  I don't need another dimensional rip in Cardiff," he ordered quietly.

"Unless it happens suddenly I will."

"No more clubbing alone either."

"Usually I go with Melissa and them."

"She's not a great role model since you came home smelling like pot and said it was her fault."  He stared at her.  "Go out with that one girl, the one who likes the knee socks."

"I do and she's a bit kinky since she was at the S&M club last week on the cross and begging for the whip."

"Oh.  Well."  He sighed.  "You're going to hopefully be like your mother."

She poked him on the side.  "Too late.  I inherited your horny bastard genes too.  Either that or Anya gave me old stuff that wore out too easily when she dropped off her old toys."  She walked off, going back to her desk.

"You wore one out?" he demanded.  "Not even I'm that bad, Dawn."

She smirked.  "I'm not bad, but I have no idea if I'm doing it right."  She smirked at Gwen since she was there.  "Anya said she knew you."

"Anya?" she asked, looking hesitant.

"Anyanka?"

"Oh, her; the horny, frustrated, demoness bint who wanted your friend Xander back.  What about her?"

"She was?" Jack asked.

"Many times a day," Dawn said dryly.  "Every day.  Even on Sunday since Xander had it off.  We all heard a lot about what he could do for a girl.  She told me a lot more too so I'd know how those boy/girl things went."

"No, I don't think she's a good role model," Owen complained.

"Mom and I talked a few times."

"Good!" he assured her.

"She even agreed I could go on the pill when I was fifteen in case I got stupid one night and decided to hit it in the club.  Which, you know in Sunnydale, probably would've been a vamp too."

"Eww," Owen assured her.

"Look where I was raised, Owen.  Not much of normal outside of Xander."

"He's considered normal?" he asked.  She nodded.  "You need help."

"Well, I could use some help buying new toys.  Anya's old ones wore out."  Tosh and Gwen walked off moaning at that.  "I'm not sure if it was her or me.  It seemed more fun when she talked about it."

"Then you're not doing it right," Jack said, going to hide in his office.

"How would I know?" she called.  "You guys won't even let me go flirt!"

"I think you do plenty of that," Ianto told her, patting her as he walked past her.  "I'd say it was her wearing them out, not you, dear.  She seemed more needy than most whorehouses."  He went to file things and giggle.  The ladies were hiding too.  Oh well.  At least they hadn't brought in the baby.

Dawn looked at Owen.  "Want to go with me to the toy store?"

"You're going to be the death of me," he moaned.

"Anya said that was a myth, that not even Xander could kill someone that way unless they had a heart condition."

Owen stared at her.  "You're insane."

"That's a matter of opinion."

"That's mine and I'm sticking to it."

"You're not that sort of doctor," she said smugly.

He glared.  "I should paddle you."

"That's not something I think would be fun.  How can spanking be fun?"  She shook her head and got back to work.

He growled then tipped her chair back again.  "If you're doing it wrong, you could hurt yourself."

"I don't use it *inside*.  That would cause a problem that would need magical safekeeping," she said quietly.  "It's still not as good and my wrists get sore."

"That's a problem with masturbation," he said dryly.

"It's all I've got right now unless I want to adopt Melissa or her master."

"Please don't."  He moaned, sitting down in a casual slump.  "Take your father with you."

"He said he doesn't want to know what I do in my bedroom the same as I shouldn't know what he does when he comes out wearing that goofy, happy grin."

"I don't want to know either."  He sighed.  "Take Gwen."

"I suggested that once.  You had to do CPR," she reminded him.

"Is that what made her choke that badly?"  She nodded.  "Hmm.  Should do it again."

"That's mean to Cassandra."

"Probably.  Don't really like kids."

"The Doctor said I'm infertile for probably another five years.  That I'm still having form fluxes."

"Would that be why you glow some days?" he asked her.

"Yup."  She got back to her email.  "Faith said I should try something called a rabbit."

Owen whimpered.  "Most women like them, yes."

Jack came out and tossed paychecks at them.  "Don't forget your test later, Dawn.  I'm looking forward to having to be soothed because I have a college-aged daughter."  He walked off to give the others theirs.

"You are?" Owen asked.

"If I can pass the home schooling test, yes.  I take it at two and the only part I might not get is the science."

"Hmm.  That's good then."  He stared at her.  "You're barmy," he said quietly.

She smirked.  "And you're an ass."

"True.  That's killed many a relationship."

"Oh, please.  My sister is the queen of bitchy snark sometimes.  My older brother is too, and look at my dad.  He's almost the time lord king of snark."

Owen laughed, shaking his head.  "Some days, yeah.  Where have you been clubbing with her sluttishness?"

"Heathrow.  She goes to Horse but I don't.  The little club around the corner from the pub you guys like to drink at."  He gave her an odd look.  "It's got a good sound going.  Nice floor."

"Fake ID?" he guessed.

"Yup."  She grinned.  "Oh well."  He grunted in displeasure.  "Last week Melissa took me and Carny to Dial."  He growled at that.  "What?"

"That's a dangerous place.  It's been in the news."

"I pointed that out.  She decided he'd moved on.  I turned his ass in when he hit on me.  She gaped and I shrugged and pointed out that bad boys loved me until that taint got worn out somehow.  Xander's apparently has.  No bad girls have hit on him since he took up with Evan and Radek."

Owen shook his head.  "You're still insane."

"The PD loves me."  She pouted slightly.  "They don't even ask how I get into those places."

"Jack should paddle you for getting into those places," he assured her.

"I get a lot of hot looks and many offers that I don't take.  I mean, how fun is it for me to blow them?  That's not my fun."

"How many arseholes have you turned in?" Owen asked a bit too calmly.

She realized that trap.  Xander did it to her too!  "A few.  Mostly in the clubs Melissa likes.  I'm doing good at keeping her from being a victim."

"Her master would be peeved," Ianto said as he walked past them to get more files.  "I do believe Jack's calling him today to talk about his girl's club habits.  You'll be spanked later for the nineteen people you've turned in, dear."  He walked off with the files.

"Shit."  Owen stopped her from moving.  "What?"

"Nineteen?" he asked a bit too calmly.

"Seven in one club.  She really liked it and it was like pack hunting that night."

He stared at her.  "I'm going to beat you myself."

"I'm not yours," she quipped.  "Unless I am, that's not your right."

Jack walked around Owen, pulling her up.  "Come talk to me, daughter."

"Melissa wanted to go!" she complained.

"If you're an adult, take it like an adult," Owen called, waving and smirking.

"Keep it up, my people do believe in arranged marriages and I'm sure I could get Xander to agree."

"Mom won't," she complained.

"I can talk her into it.  Or moving you into my place."

"Hell."

"Yes you're in for it," Jack agreed, shutting them in the office to talk to her about her crush, which he clearly needed to do, and her very bad friends.  Melissa was going to get the girl dead.  He'd have to kill her for that if it happened.

***

Jack walked into a club later that night, smiling at the man Dawn had described.  "Good evening."

"Do I know you?"

"No, but your girl knows my daughter and I believe we should talk about her going to places like Dog."  He groaned.  "Since my daughter has now turned in at least nineteen criminals and rapists, and she lets your girl Melissa pick the clubs, I believe you need a tighter leash.  Especially since Dawn came home smelling like pot one day and said it wasn't hers, and her drug test came out clean."

"I had no idea."  His face was clearly reading the interior monologue of 'crap' over and over.   "I'm sorry she's dragged Dawn into trouble.  I've met her and she seems like a sensible young woman."

Jack smiled.  "Thank you.  I've only recently gotten custody of her for schooling reasons.  Her mother never told me to be honest."

"I know she lives alone?"

"Her sister's best friend has an apartment.  It's two doors down from my own.  It's worked out well but I've been working too long apparently.  That's about to stop as well."  The master smiled at that.  "So, anyway, I don't mind them being friends," he offered, pulling out a list.  "But these are the clubs she's had someone arrested from.  Including a few from the news."

He looked it over, nodding and putting it in his pocket.  "She and I will be having a discussion.  Has anyone else been going?"

"Sometimes Carny, I've heard Jamara went a few times until her mother found out she had a fake ID and she got grounded.  Pila went once but the hangover convinced her to stick to the teen club."

"She's so in for it," he decided.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem.  I'm about to hand Dawn to someone I'd prefer her to date anyway."  He smiled.  "Do have fun with that."  He walked off.  He had to talk to Owen about his crush on Dawn now that he knew what she felt.  Owen was at his place, sulking, staring out the window with a drink when he let himself in.

"You don't knock?"

"I was going to surprise you."

"With what?  A strip-o-gram?" he snorted.  He swallowed the rest of his scotch.

"No.  I talked to her about her very blatant crush."  Owen stiffened.  "I think, if you two do decide to go for it, I could accept that."

"I slept with Xander too."

"I remember.  So does she.  I think that means she moved you to the list as safe since you clearly weren't evil."

"How many have tried for her?" he asked quietly once Jack was sitting down to stare at him.

"Twenty-seven over all.  A few were in the grocery store or the Chinese place.  She caught a white slaver getting food there."  Owen growled.  "Which is why, if you thought you could handle her, even if it didn't work out, you have my blessing."

Owen looked at him.  "With our age difference?"

"Yup."

"Her inexperience?  All that mess?  She'll start crying if it doesn't work out."

"Dawn doesn't cry.  She hasn't in a while," he sighed.  "As for when it ends, then it ends and she'd deal with it like every other woman, Owen."  He fussed with his jacket then looked back up.  "At least I know you'll be nice to her, it won't be in a club's back room, because she has dangerous tastes.  She's still drawn to things that would be considered normal for Sunnydale, instead of normal for Cardiff.  That's why she goes to the teen club where there's been a few rapes recently.  Or the more adult clubs where there's been a few weevil attacks, things like that.  If we don't stop her soon, she'll turn into the white knight Xander is."

Jack stood up.  "So if you want her, truly want her, then that's between you two.  Just ...don't hurt her.  She knows you can be an ass and sulky.  That's not a problem for her.  Mine is the first real relationship she's seen though.  Buffy's love life is a wreck.  Willow's went downhill with her magic addiction, all the way to magical girlfriend abuse with memory spells.  She still believes in some of the hype of a real relationship but she knows that it's not all like that.  She still gives Rhys funny looks for getting demanding with Gwen too."

"I can understand that.  I don't know what I want."

"Well, figure it out before I have grandchildren."

"She told me the Doctor said she can't yet."

"I heard.  I asked actually.  The last time he picked me up, there had been a ship that had crossed dimensions with her great-grandchild running away from an arranged marriage."  Owen shuddered.  "She had packed her jewelry, the family seal, her journal, and left.  Xander managed to get it into his hands through Radek and a bet, so he gave those to me."  He stared.  "I have no idea who she ended up with there.  The journal says that when she knew her great-grandmother, when she was little, she was sad that she was alone again but that she had a great love earlier in her life.  It didn't mention who."

"I'm not that guy for anyone."

"I think you're selling yourself short.  Especially since she thinks normal people are like Xander and Spike's a good guy for her sister."

"I'm as good as Xander."

"Yes you are," he agreed.  "Otherwise I would be kicking your ass because you're lusting over her."  He smirked.  Owen sneered.  "Just be good to her the first few times.  She thinks she knows and she's still not sure if she's right."  He left, going home to Ianto.  Dawn was grounded and she knew that.  He checked to make sure by pausing at her door.  Ianto was talking to her so he went to change into something more comfortable then come back.  Hopefully he had broken up the unholy alliance of his daughter and the future victim.  Even if she was doing a fantastic job of protecting her from herself.

***

Xander walked into the lab.  "What's up?"

"Email from Dawn to the both of us."  Xander sat down to open it, grinning at the news.  "She made it."

Rodney beamed and took it to look over.  "Excellent news."  He paged Daniel, letting him see it.  It had her plans for college, which Daniel had approved because it had a great many of his teachers there.  It was also just up the road.  So Dawn could commute daily.  Rodney got his laptop handed back and looked.  "Hmm, did you know she was dating one of her coworkers?"

"Yeah, we had a talk about him.  I agree, he's a good, safe, exciting first man for her."  Xander grinned.  "He'll treat her well, she'll make him play more so he's happier again.  He won't freak out at any first time precautions she'll take to stop any magic leaking out to cause issues.  It won't be in a club, in a backseat, or anywhere else because one of her friends was asking for a quick, messy death recently."

"She's that bad?" Rodney asked.

"Barely seventeen, already has a slave-master contract.  Which I don't mind.  He's apparently very lax because he let her go play at other clubs without his knowledge.  Let's just say, Dawn turned in twenty-seven assholes to the local PD, nineteen in clubs."  They moaned.  "Protecting that friend from herself."

"She'll have college friends soon," Daniel reminded him.  "College friends will be better."

Rodney gave him a look like he was insane.  "Not even close that first year.  Even *I* got into college parties at my tender age."

"Don't tell me that, I'll go buy her a chastity belt and a gag," Xander ordered.  They laughed.  "Then find the caveslayer beer recipe."

"What?" they asked.  Radek had chimed in too.

"Before I came up here, I worked in a college bar."

"So you know about the parties," Rodney said happily.

"It was a pub type bar but we did have frat boys, who irritated the owner so much he had his sorcerer brother-in-law make an herbal recipe he could put in the tap beer that would turn them caveman.  Brow ridge, grunting, lower than usual IQ...."  Daniel whimpered.  "I know this because I saw it turn the group that Buffy was drinking with, and her, into one."

"I'd like to see that in action," Miko said dryly.  Rodney snapped at her so she went back to work but she was smirking at them.

"I can dig it out," Xander said.

"If you do, please dose a certain colonel," Rodney said.

"I'd like to dose Mini-Jack," Daniel said.  Then he sighed.  "He'd kick my ass.  He'd recruit to kick my ass."  He walked off happier.

Radek patted Xander on the head.  "You are not running a fever so please quit thinking demented thoughts in the lab."  Rodney burst out cackling at that, going out onto their balcony to calm down.  "Before it is more contagious."  Xander just smirked and walked off.  Radek got back to work, sharing a grin with Miko.  Hopefully he'd get Rodney too.  That way he calmed down again.  They needed to dose him with the spores regularly so he kept calm and decent but it had been too long.

***

Jack looked at his new email a week later.  The story was cute.  It even had a picture of Buffy that way.  The recipe was included.  But that was mean.  "Owen?" he called, bringing him up.  "Xander sent a recipe in case she starts to really party in college."  He let him see it.

Owen paged down through the email, eyebrow going up.  He smirked.  "With our luck, shed' stay that way."  He walked out.  Dawn was giving him a curious look because she knew they had something going on for her birthday later on that night.  "Xander sent an email to Jack about partying during college."

"What did he send?"

"A recipe."

She shuddered.  "Cave slayer beer.  Yuck."

"He gave us permission to dose you if you got too party infested," he said smugly.

"Give me a new language book, I'll quit," she promised.  He laughed and she checked her own.  No email from Xander.  He had forgotten.   Well, no, Xander didn't forget those things.  He'd send it to her later on, by teleport.  Sure enough, when she got back that night, gallantly walked by Owen because two guys had tried to steal her to grope, she found it waiting on her.  "Wow."  She opened the package.  "Of course, a plant."  She took them out.  One was grapes.  One was a plant with square red berries.  It had care instructions on them so she wouldn't kill them.  She nibbled on one of the red berries and it was like a good buzz.  She fed him one.  He hummed and smiled as he relaxed.  She nibbled on a grape and moaned.  "Wine grapes.  Literally."

He ate one and nodded.  "They are."  He sat down.  "What's in the card?"

She opened it, grinning at the information.  "He gave me my own shopping account so I'm not in his."  She leaned back, totally relaxed.  "Those are really handy plants."

"They are."  He had another grape.  She did too.  "You can't get drunk either."

"You can.  The instructions say a whole bunch will give you the hangover."

"Hmm.  Enough for us then with the drinks earlier."

"It's been three hours."

"No more drinking."

"I'm not.  Want one of the red ones?"

He shook his head.  "No, they're good.  Go put them where they need to go."

She took them to put on her windowsill for tonight.  She'd plant them tomorrow after work.  She came back and sat down, toeing off her shoes.  "I don't do it often."

"I know.  Still not good for you."

"I know."  She smiled.

"You're still a prat about things."

"I thought prat was restrictively a male domain."

He poked her on the temple.  "Not always."  She smirked at him and poked him back.  He got up.  She pouted at him.  "Now?"

"Now?"

"Are you dense?" he asked with an evil smirk.

"Only sometimes."  He hauled her up and she beamed, dragging her back to her bedroom.  He stepped over the figures she had to keep any magic flashes in while she slept.  "It'll hold."

"I know why you did that."  He took off his jacket.  She took off hers and her socks.  He laughed.  "It needed to happen anyway," he decided, moving closer.

***

The Doctor looked up as the tardis whined.  "What's wrong with you?" he asked, moving to the control panel.  He had been watching the time stream go by since he couldn't sleep.   He took a new reading, noticing the extra energy.  "Well...."  He considered it then homed in on the source.  "Ah, Dawn must've had some fun then.  If she had died it would've been more than that.  I hope he was good to her."  He smiled and took his cocoa from the stash Xander had put in his cupboard, he'd have to spank him sometime later on, and went to bed to read a book that Rodney had left by accident.  That group did liven up his life immensely.  Maybe he'd check on Joel again sometime soon.  He had left a few shirts in the closet.  And somehow Xander's indecent pants had ended up in there as well again.  He'd really have to spank that boy the next time.  Well, if Evan and Radek didn't want to anyway.  He sipped his cocoa and slowly let himself drift off on the ancient art of string physics.

26: Water Cities

Xander looked around his room then out at Nila.  Something bad was going on somewhere.  He could feel it.  He knew if he kept feeling it, he might even have another vision, which sucked.  Thankfully he had found a way to move Radek's ship to Cardiff for Dawn to watch over.  He went to the chair room and sat down, scanning the night sky.

"What are you doing?" John asked, strolling in.

"Feeling unsettled so I'm doing a scan."  He sent it wider.  "That's a warp drive hole past us."

John pulled him up and sat down instead.  Xander got in the second chair so they could look it over.  "That is.  Huh."  He told the computer to identify it.  "The wraith."

Xander plotted another imaginary one.  "That's the supply ship's one," he said quietly.

John scanned for remaining energies from it.  There had been a huge one that way about an hour earlier.  "That's more than one ship."

"Yeah, it is."  He stared at it.  Another warp engine trail was going that way.  Xander considered something then had the cannon charge and fire into the energy field.  That ship blew up.  "I thought that might work."

"Mean.  It could've been anyone."

"In a hive ship?"

"Good point."  He watched.  There was another one coming and it was coming at them.  "Oh, no.   Shields up."  They went up and Xander retracted the cannon.  The wraith passed by them but more openly.  "They're moving somewhere."

"Moving is probably a bad thing," Xander agreed.  They shared a look.  "Nila needs more energy and some more structural work."

"Can you do it in orbit?"

"Yeah."  He got up and went to pack everything of his.  "Up," he shouted to wake his boys up when he got to them.  Everything got enclosed into a trunk like the other one.  His plants were in theirs in stasis.  His office too.  He went to put it on Nila in the bedroom he had picked out down there.  Nothing got unpacked so he could move it if he had to.  "Nila, beam some beds down here to any free rooms."

"Are we going?" she asked.  "I saw you tracking the streams."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we're going soon."  She nodded, beaming down some beds.  "Get us some food too please."  She did that and a few other things to finish off the structural work while they traveled.  "ZPM levels?" he asked.

"Thirty percent."

He clicked on his comm.  "John, I need ZPM's.  A few.  Plus the rest of the stuff to finish arming her and shoring her up.  Pick me a good staff."

"Cam's in charge," he reminded him.

"Cam's back on earth and she has to have an ATA carrier in the chair.  Jon O'Neill, pack," he ordered.  "Come to Nila now."  He turned it off and went to meet Rodney with the carrying cases.  "Thanks."

"He showed me," he admitted.  "How air ready is she?"

"The bathroom still goes to an unfinished tank," Nila reported.  "With those I'll have enough strength to get to Earth and land, maybe fight."

"I've included four full ones," Rodney told her.

"Then I'll gladly make it.  They can do some structural work on the way.  I am outwardly sound.  With the exception of the air leak into the refuse tank."

"We'll deal with that later," Xander promised.  "For right now, slap a shield on it that'll keep it from hurting us and send the crap into space."

"Yes, Xander.  I'm filling all my water tanks as well."

"Thank you."  Jon came out with his bag.  Radek and Evan followed shortly after with Miko and a few others.

John came out, staring at them.  "Evan, since Cam's on earth, you're in charge.  Take turns in the chair, you guys have beds, food, that stuff?"

"I am beaming more aboard now," Nila assured him.  "Plus some of the canned things and a few pots and pans plus a few gas canisters for the camp stove."

"Thank you," John said.  "Anything we haven't thought of yet on anyone's list?"

"Torches," Miko ordered.  "Tools."  They got put into the area with the stuff that was supposed to be shored up this week.  She checked everything.  "First aid kit beyond Xander's?"

"Medicine too," Radek said.  "She may be air worthy but it'll probably be a fast, bumpy, nauseating ride."  That got beamed in by Atlantis.

"Doctor Keller made that," John said, touching his earpiece.  "Okay.  Nila, I want you to keep us on open channels.  Got it?"

"Yes, child John."

"Good.  We're lifting off at dawn. Make sure you guys have everything."  Xander jogged to botany to get the rest of his plants.  John had to smile at that.  He came back with a few other things from the armory.  "Good idea."

"We want a jumper," Jon ordered.  "Just in case."  John nodded at that precaution and sent one over.  It'd be used to evacuate people if something happened.  "Nila, start plotting a course.  Sheppard, call the main base?"

"I am in about ten minutes."  He walked off.

Rodney brought some other things down.  "Yours," he reminded Xander.  He nodded, tucking them into a bag to be unpacked later.  "Safe trip."

"You guys too.  You guys are the heavier ship.  We'll hit your jet stream to avoid lag," Jon said.

"Agreed. "  He left to make his own plans.  He had done the calculations and necessities for it.  He came back out.  "Xander, the structural...."

"I can help when I'm not in the chair."

"Thank you."  He left.   Nila was a small city without much room for extra people but a few headed out to help from the sciences.  He stopped the botanist.  "They won't be unpacking things," he pointed out.

"Good point."  She went anyway to hug Xander before going back to her lab to shut things inside for the trip.  No open windows or any open ports.  She looked at her single, smoking team member.  "Get one last one, we're leaving at dawn."  She nodded, going to do that.  The others who smoked on base were doing the same thing.  Rodney put up the shields and they took one last one while they lifted off, tossing them off the end of the pier before going inside.  The piers that could retract were and the others folded up during travel.  That made it more streamlined.

"Jon, take first round in the seat," Xander ordered.  "You have the flight experience we don't.  Miko, sort things for ease of grabbing.  Evan, handle the mundane things.  I'm going to work on the construction stuff to make sure it's ready for us to grab and use."

"I'm still in charge," Evan reminded him.

Xander smiled.  "I know that.  That way you're in the command center."  He walked off.  "Nila, shields up."  Shields went up and they were pretty.

Jon smirked at Evan.  "Yeah, he does this during emergencies too," he said quietly.

"Figures."

They went to do their assigned jobs and Jon lifted them off without any problems.  They followed Atlantis into the travel stream.  Jon saw evidence of the Apollo and shouted out to them.  "Apollo, this is Jon O'Neill.  Atlantis and Nila are both following major evidence of jet streams heading toward the Milky Way galaxy," he said calmly.  "Please ride support and herd."

Ellis came on.  "Now?  We're going now?  Things aren't finished!"

"Doesn't much matter," John Sheppard said over the same band.  "We saw a huge travel hole of wraith heading down your ship's usual path."

"Crap!  Nila's not air worthy!"

"She's sound but she's got some interior decorating to do," Jon said dryly.  "We can do that on the way.  We're leaving the solar system.  Catch up."  He muted it so he could hear the feed from Atlantis.

Xander bounced in.  "If we need them, we have six mountable cannons, smaller ones, that can be put on in about two hours but we need to shore their mountings up first."  Jon nodded at that.  Xander pulled up the interior diagram for him.  "We'll be starting here since it's a weak spot against the shields. Move to those, then the cannons because that should be about when we hit the void between galaxies and some possible asteroids."

"Got it," he agreed.  "Good plan."  Xander beamed.  "Calm down.  Remember, you're our geek, not our general."

"I know."  He went back to help with that.  Miko was good at planning but only a few of them had ever done more than solder things.  He hadn't worked steal construction too much but he knew the basics.  "Nila, let us know if you find any structural integrity issues like you did on the way up or anything else that might be ready to fall apart," he ordered.

"I will, Xander.  They were working on this beam last and only had it half done," she said with a light pointing at it.

He looked it and the plans over, starting there since it was logical.  Radek came over to help him weld and move more things into place.  They could reduce the gravity in this room, which saved power, and move the beams easier.  It'd help a lot.

Evan came in to switch out for Jon.  "Make sure the construction crew eats," he ordered quietly.

"I will."  He went to check on them.  "Kids, eat," he called into that room.  Watching them do low gravity work was interesting to watch.  He got sucked in to help hold too.  Xander's stomach rumbled so he left them to get some stuff into place to be welded later while he went to make dinner.

Everyone but Evan came in when they smelled burning meat.  "Is that a steak?" Jon asked.

"No, it's a roast, I just grilled it."  He cut off pieces.  "Probably a bit chewy, sorry.  No crock pots."  A few of the people laughed but it went well with the vegetables he had opened and warmed.  He had to open another can for the rest of them to eat but that was okay too.  He got the next-to-last piece and made Evan a plate, bringing it to him.  "Roasted cow and veggies."

"Thanks, Xander."  He looked and let Xander have the veggies back.  Xander smirked.  "What?  I don't like those."

"You'll get weak and I'll have to feed you by hand," he said dryly.

"Then we'll see how much you like spanking and bondage," he shot back with an evil smirk.  Someone choked.  "Sorry, sir, were you calling?" he asked.  "Xander's trying to feed me cabbage."

John moaned.  "Tell him to behave.  Concentrate, Major."

"I am, sir.  We're still on course.  How's the construction going?"

"Good.  We're doing good.  We've got one whole section done and we're doing low gravity moving."

"Even better," John agreed.  "Major, eat the cabbage so you can stay big, strong, and healthy.  Xander, behave."

"I was only bringing him dinner," he complained.  He stuffed some in Evan's mouth, making him splutter but eat it.  "See, not bad."  He handed it back and walked off again.

Evan ate it because he could foresee Xander being pissy later.  Even though he didn't like cabbage that much.  Sometimes being a boyfriend was hard work.  Even for a major.

***

Radek looked up as he walked into the area they were working on today, sighing in displeasure.  He knew Xander hadn't made it to bed.  Apparently he hadn't made it to sleep at all.  "You cannot sit in the chair like that.  You can't pay attention."

"I only got up an hour ago, Radek."

"Uh-huh.  You did not sleep all night, again," he noted.

"I did so.  Nila, didn't I sleep?"

"He did sleep for over three hours, Radek," she reported.

"Evan leaned in.  "Then he can get another two or three before it's his shift in the chair.  C'mon."

"I have to get this done," he pointed out.

"No, *we* have to get this done," Radek reminded him, hauling him up and handing him off.  Evan walked them to their shared room and laid down with him for now.  Radek got back to work.  They still had a lot of work to do.

Sometimes Xander made no sense to him.

***

Atlantis called the alert that they had found the wraith and Jon slid into the second chair, letting Evan have the primary one.  "Xander, cannons, now," Jon called.

"Two are installed but not hooked up," he called back.  He moved to do that with Radek and Miko put the next one on and hooked it up.  Xander moved to hitch it down.   They got the fourth one hitched down before it became critical.  "Nearly done," he called.  He did not want to look out a window and see a wraith hive ever again.  Or six or seven.  He hitched that one into the power supply, letting Miko check it while he moved back to the first.  "Orders?" he called out.

"Keep them off us," Jon ordered.

"For that I need a space suit," Xander muttered.  "And a shitload of my former luck."  Radek gave him a horrified look.  He stared back.  "What?"

"Did you take the future weapons from the main base?"

"Yeah.  Every last one of them."  Evan moaned.

"We have no suits," Radek complained.

"I know."  They got to work firing on anything that came near enough to them.  A few darts got punctured.  They could see beams from Atlantis.  So the air vines were in play with the way a few ships bulged out. Still one mother of a hive out of firing distance.  Xander went to get the future weapons.  He loathed the wraith.  He got the star destroyer.  There wasn't a star out here to worry about hitting by accident so the hive was going to buy it.  He carried the case out, opening it and making sure it was reconnected.  It only took a minute with the soldering iron they had been using on the cannons.  "Nila, I need you to open like on the trip to Atlantis when we had to whiz off the pier."

"In a battle?" she asked.

He waved a hand.  "Weapon, Nila."

"Oh!"  She got him to a good spot and shielded behind him too in case there was any exhaust stream.

Xander targeted.  The thing wasn't going to auto target today.  He shifted position and it auto targeted on a dart.  Xander jogged off, going to the top spire, letting her guard him up there.  He fired on the big hive that was only sending out darts.  The beam shot.  Xander got knocked on his ass by the power.  The weapon heated in his hand and he had to toss it.  She beamed it farther away and took out the fuel cells for him, putting them in his hand.  The weapon exploded next to a dart, disintegrating it.   The main hive ship turned into jelly then slowly faded as it was eaten.  Xander walked back down there, handing over the fuel cells to Radek.  "They're a bit warm."

"More like burning hot!" he complained, putting them down.   He checked him over.  "Nila, is he all right?"

"A bit of radiation and a bit of motion sickness, Radek.  He's fine.  He said so when I asked."

"I am fine."

"Shut up," Evan said as he came out.  "Future weapon that's supposedly on base?" he guessed.

"Yeah, I removed them all when the president tried his crap.

"Good to know."  He went back to report that.  Atlantis had the other hive down and the last few darts were dying.  Which was good because they were on the edge of their solar system within minutes.  Evan and Jon got them sorted into slowing down, approaching earth.  Evan tapped his comm.  "Apollo, Nila needs landing coordinates."

"Coordinates are...."  They read off a string."  Evan read them back.  "Exactly."

"Thank you."  He fed that in.  Jon brought her down carefully and landed her at the dock.

"The dock has four connectors and I have three," Nila told them.

"The fourth is a connection for your sewer and we'll settle it once we're there," the person on the Apollo told her.  "Atlantis, land in North American waters."

"Looks like we're hitting Frisco, Apollo."

"That's very far away," Nila said quietly.

"Beaming, Nila," Evan reminded her.

"Good point.  I can do that now as well."  She shifted into her dock, latching on.  A team of divers connected the other one and she sighed.  "That is much nicer than letting that go into space."

"Yes it is," Evan agreed.  He relaxed.  "Nila, cut engines if we're safe and go to city mode please."  She extended things and dropped the shield.  "Good job, people," he said over the comm.  "Nila is docked and ready to be fussed over."

"Atlantis is sitting pretty just off San Francisco and is back in cloaked city mode," Sheppard reported.

"Roger that," O'Neill said from the base.  "Congrats on the wraith, gentlemen and ladies.  Stand down, stay on board for now, we'll come check you over shortly for any damages.  Have me a list ready.  Apollo, take orbit and hang for now."  He hung up.

Evan leaned back in the chair.  "Nila, any damages from the battle?"

"A few burn scars, nothing more since the darts only harassed us," she said.

"Any personnel damages?" Jon asked.

"Xander is sleeping against the work area again but he is not in the way."

"Good to know," Jon sighed.  He looked at Evan, who shrugged.  "I'm his team CO, you're his," he said quietly, taking out their comms.  "Flip ya for it?"

"Let him nap until O'Neill chews on him for removing those from safe storage."

"That's mean."

"He knew better."

"It was probably safer," Jon pointed out.

Jack was beamed on.  "No, we knew."  He turned off both comms.  "I had you on a private channel.  Not even the other ships heard.  Landry didn't know he removed it but the kid told me."  He smirked.  "Nila, download recordings of the battle for later going over please?"  She did that.  "And whatever Xander did."  She added that in.  "Thank you. Let's go look and see how much you guys have done."  They walked around and Jack coughed to wake Xander up.  "Morning."

"Fuck off."  He rolled over and went back to sleep.

Evan walked over to check on him, he'd bite Jon again.  "Fever.  Nila, scan him please?"

"He's fine, he said so."

"Scan him anyway," Jon ordered.  "Because he's not fine."

"I am not allowed to.  Subroutines from Atlantis state that I am not allowed to medically scan him if he insists he is fine," she told them.

"Who input that?" Jack asked.  "Since I know he can't hack."

"Doctor Keller did it, General child Jack."

"Thank you.  I override and outrank her, do it anyway."

She scanned him.  "He took a bit of radiation from the firing deck but it is not harming him any.  This is probably his lack of sleeping on the way here."

"Probably," Evan sighed.  "I got him to sleep about twice, sir."

"He's like that," he agreed.  "Drop him into his room, Nila."

"The bed is occupied or I would have already."

He grimaced.  "Who's in his bed?"

"Miko.  She has not slept either and is using Armand as a teddybear."

"Sure," Jack decided.  They walked off.  "The city will float.  It is counter balanced and it should be fine."  They both nodded.  "Good."  He clapped them on the back.  "Nice job, people.  Stand down.  Let the city's construction crews work on the retrofitting.  You all have quarters in the city.  Nila, would that be okay?  Their quarters are on that curved section right above your third deck.  That would let us turn those rooms back into work labs for the main people like Miko and Radek."

"If that's what they want," she said, sounding pouty.

He smiled.  "You're going to be in control of the whole complex, Nila.  It's like we expanded your docks into something bigger, like Atlantis is."

She checked.  She had to connect some things they hadn't yet.  "There, now I can talk to them and track things."

"Thank you.  Let me get the room assignments."  He got them sent to his phone.  She scanned them and put their things in their rooms.  All but Xander.  "He can go too."

"No he can't.  I can't move his things and he's asleep."

"I wanted the construction guys to come in and look at the work that was done on the way here," he reminded her.

"Can't they do it tomorrow?  He's asleep.  He'll wake up if I beam him."

"Let me and Evan get the trunks."

"He won't let you.  Or him.  He's going to be pouty and I hate being pouted at."

Evan walked back on with Radek.  "Let us, Nila.  He won't pout at us."

"If you're sure."

"I'm certain," Radek said.  They carried the trunks for Xander then came back to be beamed with him.   Miko still had Armand but they left her a note.  They had nice, new communications and computer systems on their desks.  Xander got beamed onto the bed and they were all happy to lay down with him, even though it was a tiny bed.  Xander pulled Evan down on top of him and Radek got to cuddle them both that way.  It worked for now.

Jack looked around.  "All right," he called, waving in the head of construction.  "Welcome to Nila."

"Thank you, General."  She appeared, staring at him.  "You have an AI, that's cool."

"Child Jack, who is he?"

"This is Martin Ramirez.  He's the head of the construction crew working on your city, Nila."  She wavered through all of her forms.  "I'm going to have him looking over what you have done and then going over the city's plans so you can make sure you like it."  She smiled at it.  "Then we'll work on other things like getting the labs here."

"I do like the overall design.  The bridges are very pretty and so are the spires."

"Xander designed it for you," Jack said with a grin.

"He is very good to me.  Can I keep him?"

"Probably."  She beamed.  "Miko will have to decide but for now you are.  If and when we have to, we'll switch SGA-1 and SG-1 out to man the cities in command."

She squealed and clapped.  "I like that idea.  The grumpy Rodney is good at fixing things like the labs."

"Yes he is," he agreed, smiling.  "I hadn't seen you do that before."

"Contara did it all the time," she said.

"I saw her tapes."  She beamed.  "So, let's let him look."

"I have lowered gravity in that room," she noted.  "For ease of moving things."

"That's wonderful," he agreed.  Jack led him back there and showed him the plans they had made.  "It looks like they've gotten a good bit done, ma'am."

She smiled at him.  "You are very nice and polite.  I like you."  She disappeared.

Mr. Ramirez smiled at Jack.  "I think I'll like working on her city, General."

"She's very sweet.  Nila, can we move the food to the kitchens?"  She did that.  Including the stored MRE's.  "Thank you.  Any weapons of Xander's, there's a locked room on the third floor since that lab will be there."

"Will it not be stacked by size?" she asked.

"Yes but I have the biggest lab on it's own sub-dock and another two smaller ones back this way to counterbalance that weight," Jack told her.  She scanned things and found the locked room, moving all the weapons there.  "Great job," he praised.  He walked back to the command center and sat down in the main chair.  "Nila?"  She appeared.  "In a few days, there's going to be world leaders who are going to want to come on tour."

"Even the rude one?" she asked.

"Yes, even him, and you can't throw him into the ocean."

"Pity."

"I know."  He smiled.  "It won't just be him.  We'll be having a few of them.  That day, be polite even if they are dumb, and don't change forms if you can.  We want them to think you're a nice, reasonable, gentle, sweet AI that can't really do everything for yourself because they're a bit scared of computers sometimes."

"I understand.  I saw Xander's anime Big O."

He grinned.  "Exactly, they're scared you're going to do that.  So we want you to appear nice and sweet."

"Yes, General child Jack."

He beamed.  "Good and very good job getting here.  If you could eat chocolates I'd give you some."

She beamed.  "I wondered what about them made people like Xander moan."

"If I had a way I'd show you."  She giggled.  "Just relax, we'll be doing a the finishing for the next month."

"Yes, General child Jack."

"Good girl, Nila."  He stood up.  "Let us know if something is going wrong."

Ramirez came out.  "She doesn't have a refuse tank?" he asked.

"We were going to be putting one in this month but didn't have time."

"It was fun watching those things create streams into space," Nila said with a smile.  "Especially on the first trip when I had to open the shields a tiny bit to let them pee into space."

"That must've been one hell of a trip, ma'am."

"It was."  She looked at Jack.  "When will I get the bathroom like Xander was telling Evan about in his apartment?"

"You'll get betting bathrooms like Atlantis, not like his," Jack told her.  "Those go in houses, not fantastical, mysterious cities of the ancients."

She pouted.  "I wanted a tub like he described.  It sounds fun."

"They can be but spa tubs are for houses, not for cities."

"Fine."

"We are giving you guys a lanar for Xander to upkeep," Jack told her, making her squeal and clap again.  "And a PE area that has a normal pool for non-spored times.  For swimming like they did off the pier."

"Will it have places to dive?  I know a few of them liked it quite a lot."

"We'll see," Jack said.  "That'd have to come later."

"Will it have a game system like Xander's?"

"In the recreation room," he agreed.

"They're both on this bottom floor of the dock," Ramirez said.  "The gym and that area is on the north end, the recreation room is in the center by the transporters and elevators."

She looked and nodded.  "That will be nice for them."  She looked up then at them again.  "My child had a momentary problem but she's safe now and still cloaked.  That city she's near is very big."

"It is," Jack agreed.  "You're not as near the US because we know other countries will want to send their brightest here and they won't do it if it's in the US," Jack told her.

"Can I be on the same ocean?"

"We're trying to spread it out so they don't find out about Atlantis," Jack told her.

"Oh!"  She nodded.  "Okay.  I won't talk about my child then."  She smiled.  "Will I have to have more female scientists like the rude one?"

"Maybe in the labs but not on you.  SG personnel only and administrative stuff only."  She nodded at that.  "Why don't you rest and watch over your people while he makes plans on how to finish your upgrades and the rest of the dock."

"Yes, child Jack."  She faded and let them walk the rest of the docking area so she could see it too.  She checked on her people and they were all sleeping so it was good.  They really did need bigger bedrooms but Xander would pull out his soon she was sure.  Even if he couldn't pull out his office yet.  They'd have to figure that out for him.

***

Evan saw Xander starting to wake up and poked him, getting a sleepy glare.  "Better?"  Xander nodded.  "Good.  We should talk.  You did dangerous stuff without warning me, Xander."

"Had to be done," he said through a yawn.

Evan waited then kissed him.  "When I'm in command, you have to follow orders."

"I did."

"Most of the time.  You didn't rest like I needed you to.  You took weapons I didn't know we had to the wraith.  You embarrassed the hell out of me with the cabbage thing."

"Sorry," he sighed.  He sat up.  "I couldn't rest.  If we had been hit with a real shot, we would've crumpled on the back end."

"Which would've been dangerous," he agreed.  "But we could've helped."

"Evan, you had to be a military guy.  I could do more of the construction work because I knew how to do some of the stuff Radek and Miko didn't."

"Yes you did," he agreed cautiously.  "But you still could've slept."

"We were barely able to take off," he said quietly, glancing around.  "The retrofitting revealed some structural weaknesses we were working on."

"I heard that during the update meeting you never made it to because you were fussing at her."  He stared at him.  "She's not just yours, Xander."

"I know that!"

"No you don't.  You treat her like you would Dawn."  Xander slumped.  "A lot of us share her with you and wanted to help too.  We were tired and worried too."

"It was all welding and stuff."

"Which none of us knew how to do but you and Miko," he agreed.  "You taught Radek."

"He was working on the slimmer things.  The stuff that was more like soldering with a huge iron."

"I get that."  He petted him.  "You didn't tell me you had those weapons.  Or Shep.  I asked him."

"Rodney knew."

"Why did you remove them from the safe storage?"

"Because I wasn't sure they weren't going to use them."

"Okay, I understand that.  O'Neill said he knew."

"I didn't tell Jon."

"The general, not ours."

"Oh, yeah he did.  The guys reported that to them.  I told them to."

"Good.  That's sensible but I'm sure Landry might be a bit upset."  Xander shrugged.  "Good point," he sighed.  "Are you still okay with us?"

Xander pouted.  "You're dumping me because we're back on earth," he sighed.

"No!"  He pulled him closer.  "Not in the least.  Radek either.  He's taking a shower so we could go over these things."  He kissed him.  "No, I wasn't with you just to be there because we were in Pegasus."  Xander relaxed.  "Why would you think that?"

"Don't know," he muttered.  Evan poked him until he looked up again.  "There's women here and ..."  He sighed.

"We're not like that, Xander.  I know that's still taking some getting used to but we're not like that.  I have to put my foot down and I should've spanked over the cabbage thing, but I'm not going to abandon you because my options suddenly got wider."  Xander relaxed.  He wouldn't admit he had been slightly worried about the same thing.  "But you still have to trust us.  Remember, the whole SG base isn't like that."

"The linguists hate me for being good."

"They hate you for pushing your weight around."

"I was right to complain when they started to shove their work off on me!" he complained.  "Daniel and I were doing all the work in the department most of the time!"

"So you made them go for runs?"

"No, I just suggested it after they decided to keep doing it.  There was months of that before then and even Daniel got frustrated.  Hell, the second-in-command kept shoving her work off on Daniel too.  I had a stack on my desk like Daniel did that wasn't my work for nearly a month."

Evan petted him to calm him down.  "You could've used formal complaint procedures."

"Yeah, go running to dad," he said dryly.  "That's real manly, Evan."  He shifted away.  "I handled it within the department by handing it back.  And Daniel's.  A few times before I snapped that day and Daniel gave them runs, not me.  I just suggested it might clear the problem because I had been bitched at earlier for not getting something that wasn't even my assignment to someone that needed it.  The whole base decided that since I was there most of the time I could of course do all their work for them too."

"I would've snapped sooner and had some sick days," Evan sighed.  He hadn't heard that part.

"I did.  I had a three day migraine.  Doctor Lam ran off nineteen or twenty people who came to bitch at me for daring to be sick while they needed something done while the rest of the department sat and played games or twittered or played on facebook with their virtual girlfriends.  She reported it and it didn't do a damn bit of good either.  Apparently the last time they had a general that listened to the scientists for problems, Jack was in charge."

"That's a problem then," he agreed. "What did Sam Carter say?"

"She was busy fucking around with a machine that ended up being ancient porn.  Which I told her that's what the first page it kept freezing on said.  She scoffed and sneered."  He shrugged.  "I'm used to that from the base."

"What if we want to go back there some day?" Evan asked quietly.

"You can visit?  I'll play military spouse?"  Evan gave him a hug.  "It was a bunch of little things and then the damn assignment came up.  Like I was getting fed up at home and Jack's band hit my lap.  A painful blessing."

"You could've asked for a transfer."

"I got told there was too much work to do on the base because no one else did any.  They needed Jon and Fischer there.  I started to feel like the Zeppo again only there weren't demons who wanted to kill me.  It was aliens."

"If you had told us this stuff, it could've been handled faster."

"At that time, Rodney barely liked me.  John went on his opinion, and no one gave a damn about anything I did before that shield.  I was getting weekly threats from the watchers in the IOA.  No one stopped them when I complained.  Hell, Landry yelled at me for being in my sub library room, locked in it, and having a personal moment with my main office door locked.  Because it was my fault someone broke in.  Half of my department did nothing but watch porn at their desks and no one said a damn thing to chemistry when they had a group wank."

"I think part of all that was that you confused them and scared them a bit, Xander.  They're used to military people and really smart geeks.  You're beyond both and I'm pretty sure no one had any idea what to do with you or why you were there," John said from the doorway.  "We didn't when you first came up.  I had all of Cam's reports and you confused the hell out of Rodney that first day because he pushed at you and you walked off.  He wasn't sure if you were weak or just avoiding him like half the new geeks do because they've heard about his rep."  He came in and sat on the foot of the bed.  "On my end I wasn't sure if I should boot camp you like everyone else or if you were a bit fragile from the way you didn't fight against McKay, or even if you were scarily all that Cam had said about you and more.  A few times he wanted to know if you were an immie."

"All the swords?" Xander asked dryly.

"In a lot of ways, you're like our version of Methos," John pointed out.  "You've seen things we can't even imagine.  You've had to change yourself to suit others yet you're still the nice, goofy guy who occasionally has to jump into a battle."  Xander nodded at that, looking down again.  John petted him too.  "I wasn't sure how to treat you beyond letting you at the database.  I had no idea how you were going to react.  The linguists on base had sent up reports that you were a spoiled primadonna, which is why I sent you at McKay your first day."

"He said that problem that made him snap back at them had went on for months," Evan told him.  "That some people complained when he got a migraine because apparently he and Daniel were the only ones doing anything."

"I heard that from one of the nurses a few weeks later.  She hadn't realized he had been sent to Atlantis."  He smiled at the boy.  "You earned your place on Atlantis, Xander, through all the rumors and all that.  People are pouting that you're here right now."  Xander looked at him.  "Including Faith.  She's already missing being able to sit on your couch and watch the sunset to calm down."

"Maybe...."

"Nila would pout," John pointed out.  "She'd miss you too much and we can beam over for movie nights once you get your room set up again."

Xander shook his head.  "I can't in here.  It's cold iron."

Evan grimaced.  "I wonder if that was on purpose."  He hugged Xander.

"I see we need to make the bed bigger again?" Radek asked as he walked in.

Xander gave him a horrified look.  "You know I'm not like that, Radek."

Radek dropped a kiss on his head.  "I was teasing, Xander."  Xander relaxed again.  "Finish relaxing.  The idiots on base will not be allowed here."

"You knew what the linguists were pulling before then?" Evan asked.

"I am good friends with Doctor Morans from Anthropology.  We used to have lunch.  She kept me informed of all that was going on among the sciences.  Including when he got there, that first boyfriend that showed up, all of it.  She said she was about to beat them too.  They do the same thing to her but she was too busy.  Landry did not seem to care so we had to handle it on our own.  Carter was too busy with her machines that she desperately wanted to be weapons that were not.  In many ways, working under McKay is easier.  He is louder, more picky, yells when you are not super human, but easier to deal with and he makes sure you pull your own weight, not that of everyone else unless he is too."

John nodded.  "He does.  Our team works better than the main base's one outside of the few screw ups in botany."

"Only two real screw ups there," Radek reminded him.  "Rest wanted to have babies, is noble to create the next generation of people to follow us."  He sat down on Xander's backside and hugged him, making him relax.  "You are still tense.  Why?"

"He slipped back into the old mindset," Evan told him.

Radek swatted him gently, barely moving his hair, and called him a dirty name in Czech.  "We do not only have you because you are beautiful ass who needs touched, Xander.  No matter who says it."  He stroked a hand over his head.  "We like you for beautiful ass but for other reasons that mean looking at others is annoying.  Would rather have one complex, slightly mean, overly bright, warrior geek who loves weapons too much."  Xander blushed but hugged him.

"Now that we have that settled," John said.  "There's a huge ass meeting and we need you guys there."

Xander groaned and dug into his trunk from the old bedroom, finding an outfit.  "We cannot unpack?" Radek asked.

"Cold iron, Radek, it'll block it a lot.  Like the shield did.  Maybe they'll build us real apartments and I can do it then."  He pulled on clothes but Evan sent him to shower quickly while he got dressed too.  John beamed with them to the meeting once Xander was out and dressed.

"How was this...Nila found?" one of the people asked General O'Neill.

"Some of our people found her, Director."

Xander coughed and stepped forward.  "Jack?"

"Xander.  This is Xander Harris.  That would be his question to answer since I cannot fully answer it and have been avoiding it for the last ten minutes."

Xander stepped up beside him.  He looked at Jack and nodded toward the west.  He nodded that they knew.  "In the database for the other city, I found mentions of her.  She had originally been off Alexandria at one time.  Then I started finding mentions of her name, Nila.  Doctor Jackson and I had been trying to find her location out of the records but hadn't succeeded at the time when she was found."  He moved some to rebalance his weight.  "There was a battle on a mission that his team and I were on.  I was sent with Jackson's team because I could better handle a problem they kept running into named Adria."  That got a few nods.  "As it was an overwhelming force I decided to use some hidden gear I had on me.  Namely a few bombs."

"How did you carry hidden bombs, young man?" one woman asked.

Xander took off his necklace and let the sword on it expand.  Then he reshrank it.  "It used to sit next to it, ma'am."  She stared in horror at him.  He shrugged.  "It was handy.  I threw a few of them and gave Doctor Jackson one to set off to protect themselves once they had gotten back to the gateway while I distracted Adria.  I had a way home that was faster anyway.  Daniel came back and the bomb went off.  I moved us both and that was the primary picture in my mind.  So we ended up on her command center under the ocean she was in.  We talked, she gave us her location, and we went back to the base.  I went back to my base and asked the scientists there to interpret where she was.  They finally figured it out but she would not raise off the sea floor from the ship we had.  So myself, Doctor McKay, and Colonel Caldwell all went down to secure her, raise her off the ocean floor, and get to her join the other city."

"So, really, you found it and brought Doctor Jackson along as a helper to save his life as well," the director of the board said.

"It could be seen that way, yes, ma'am."

She stared at him.  "Why did you not claim it?"

Xander looked around, not spotting any cameras, then looked at Jack, who coughed.  "Xander was under strict contract with us due to something he had run into in the recent past."

"I see.  So he was basically conscripted?"

"For a bit.  He's now under regular contract," Jack told her.  "He has another year on it I believe."

"Eleven and a half months," Xander corrected quietly.  "Then I have no idea."

The director stared at him.  "I recognize you from that battle in London."

"Which one?" he asked.

"Both."  He shrugged.  "That doesn't bother you?"

"I made myself pretty plain that I wanted to be left alone about that, ma'am.  I did what I had to do because a friend needed me.  It's the man I am.  It's also the root cause of the president going spastic, locking my accounts and my storage area, and all that good stuff like handing me to the CIA to recruit against my will; I shot back by finding his Hell Week photos."  She gagged.  "And other things that were hiding.  Since I value my privacy that much, I decided that since they had ripped mine from me they deserved the same.  We've now come to an agreement that we're going to ignore each other thankfully."

She cleared her throat.  "You're the one who found those?"

"Yeah."

She sighed.  "I can see why that incident happened."  She looked at her fellow members.  "Tell me about Nila," she ordered.

"Nila is smaller, she's only a few blocks in distance really.  She's got four levels, she's got an amazingly real AI system that's very responsive, caring, and a bit mother hennish if you haven't been eating or something.  She has ways of kicking us off the city if we're rude or not eating sometimes.  She was alone for a very long time but she's made a lot of friends from the project.  She does not like female scientists because one of her main creators' wives cheated on him in her command center and other areas.  Nila and I have a lot of long talks, she reads over my shoulder, she doesn't like to watch us practice fighting because we might hurt each other.  I don't know what you want to know.  She's more amazing and more human than some of the humans I know.  So is the one on the other city."

"That much interaction was never reported," one who had an IOA sign in front of him said.

"Yes, but she spoke Ancient and they didn't.  It's hard and frustrating when you can't talk to the people using you.  Trust me, I've been there."  Jack patted him on the back.  "As I do speak Ancient, she let herself come out a lot more and I taught her more english.  She'll come out and help us when we ask and we're polite.  She'll nag if you're working and not eating.  Nila considers Atlantis her child really.  Calls her such as well."

"She pouted that they weren't in the same ocean," Jack agreed.

"Is she what would pass for emotionally fragile?" the director asked.

"She's shown a great range of emotion," Xander corrected.  "She was alone for millennia.  Of course she wants those that she's friendly with around to help her get used to the modern world and these new people who aren't like hers were, ma'am.  The same as you hang with your family and friends after a long trip.  Hers has been even longer and she's very friendly so she likes having those she likes around her."

"Did she bond to you as a surrogate?" she asked.

"You mean like am I her teddy bear?  In the first few days, yes, but she's learned to appreciate a lot of other people.  A few scientists, some of the Marines and Air Force guys on base, some of the support staff.  Her gathered family is now around forty people."

"Do you consider that healthy?" she asked.

"Having been in a similar situation a few times, being totally cut off from everyone and everything I knew, yes.  She made more friends than I did and faster than I did.  It took me ages to let more than a few I implicitly trusted close.  That's one of the reasons I'm so rabid about my privacy."  He looked back.  "Turn that fucking camera I can hear off or eat it."  It got shut off and put down.  He looked at her again.  She stared in awe.  He stared back.  "Were there more questions, ma'am?"

"Who is in charge of her now that she's down here, General?" she asked Jack, clearing her throat at the end.

"He's actually very nice and sweet, ma'am, and right now, Colonel Cameron Mitchell is going to be her head officer.  Major Evan Lorne is going to be her military head.  Doctor Radek Zelenka is going to be her science head.  Colonel Mitchell and Doctor Zelenka will also be over the labs.  Major Lorne will be overseeing any military issues and staff on the base to protect them."

"We're going to need more housing then," Xander said quietly.

"I know."

"Maybe some that aren't cold iron?" he asked quietly.  "Please?"

Jack looked at him.  "It's been suggested that some of you may be moving to a boat so you could be off the city and away from the labs sometimes."

Xander shrugged.  "I haven no idea about that but I'll think about it."

"Please.  It'd make things easier with your library too."  Xander smirked at that mention.  "Any other questions, ma'am?"

"Where is Atlantis?" the IOA member asked.

"Off the west coast.  Cloaked."

Xander touched the comm he had put in from habit, smiling.  "Nila's moved herself too, General.  She wanted to be nearer to her child.  She's off a small island in the Pacific.  Uninhabited, part of the Marshall Islands.  She's nuzzled it so her backside is to it and a dock could be built and the island itself could provide more housing or in the waters around it easier.  That's very close to her child and she likes it there.  Said it's warm and they're friendly to most everyone."

"Said...." Jack asked.

"Colonel Sheppard.  He's the one that got me here."

Jack nodded.  "The dock?"

"They moved it all.  I'm pretty sure Atlantis had to help."  He nodded at that, then shook his head with a small moan.  Xander smiled at the awed committee.  "She wanted to be closer to her child and her new family."

Most of them nodded at that.  The director stared at him.  "You don't sound surprised, young man," she said.

He shrugged.  "We knew there'd be a lot of traveling between the two, ma'am.  Fixing the labs that we found and all that."

"Good point."  She considered it.  "Someone get their UN representative on the phone please?"  Her assistant went to do that.  He brought back the phone and she walked out talking to them.  She came back ten minutes later.  "They were shocked and awed but said it's fine where it is, General.  She planted herself on the eastern side, close to Hawaii, on an atoll they weren't using."

"Nila wouldn't want to upset anyone, ma'am," Xander told her.  "She just wanted to be closer."

"I can see why.  The supplies?" she asked Jack.

"It'll take a week to reroute them but we have two more that need to be sent out that can be done almost as easily from the west coast," he admitted.  He pulled out his phone but Xander took it and texted faster than he could and let him pick who to send it to.  "Thanks, kid."

"Welcome, General.  We know you're not fully hip with the techno crap."  Jack cuffed him on the back of the head.  "Sorry.  No disrespect meant."

The director smiled, looking like it was against her will.  "It's clear you two work well together."  They both nodded.  "What position were you on the other city, Mr. Harris?"

"I'm a linguist but since I work in botany and hang out in physics to learn some stuff and help in there since I'm a pretty good hand at wiring, and I know construction so I did that, and helped with self defense training I got made the geek to military liaison.  Basically, making sure everyone got their mandatory boot camp done, their recerts when needed, stopping it when one side picked on the other.  Because some of our geeks could be mean to the military boys."

She swallowed.  "That's apparently a good spot for you."

"He's also been known to handle emergencies on his own," Jack said.  "Very well I might add."

She nodded.  "Excellent.  So he'll be the chief linguist on Nila?"

"Yes," Xander agreed.  "And the geek to military liaison."  She smiled at that.  "We'll have a lot and some military guys to defend them, ma'am.  We know they won't understand each other.  Some days it's another form of translation."

"Wonderful."  She looked at Jack.  "You agree?"

"I do."

"Even better.  We would like to tour them once things are set up."

"Due to circumstances we had happening, we had to move a bit early," Xander told her.  "The docking facility is still being finished, ma'am.  That means you'd have to wear a hardhat and sensible shoes for a bit."

"I understand that risk, young man.  That's not a problem.  Some of us are too old for heels."  He smiled and nodded at that.  "Can we go tonight?"

Jack shrugged, looking at the kid.  "Things are being settled but I don't see why not."  Something was beamed in front of him.  "What's that?" he asked Xander.  They all moved away from them.

"That is a projector.  Hi, Nila or Atlantis."  They both appeared.  He smiled.  "Nice work and excellent beaming on target, ladies."

"Thank you.  Your furniture can be quite odd and angular these days," Atlantis told him.  She looked at the people and bowed.  Nila did the same.  Most of them bowed back.  A few were still staring in horror.

Xander stepped forward.  "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Atlantis's AI and this is Nila's AI."  He pointed at them.  "As you can see, they can speak for themselves."  The others bowed and they beamed at them.

"Nila, are you settled where you?" the IOA member asked.

"I am.  It is closer in case something happened, it's safer in case of storms.  The negligible risk of tsunamis or ocean floor earthquakes aren't very big where we are.  It's a pretty, small island and has beautiful waters.  It was also chosen because it is a friendly country in the UN, has no known enemies that want to attack it, but will probably let the forces of the SG base hold the docking station safe without much trouble.  It's also easy to get materials to for the rest of the fixing and most of the people on the work crew said that they're from that coast anyway.  It was mean to make them stay so far away from their families.  They all enjoyed the move quite a lot."

"Nila, is my stuff still safe in my room?" Xander asked.

"Yes, Xander, I put a shield over then when we moved them just in case."  He beamed at her.  "You need to take out the plants soon."

"I will.  Once the botany lab is up and I have a place to put all the books and stuff."  She beamed at that and nodded.  They stared at him.  "Like the sword earlier, I have some stuff for my rooms and my office."

"Like a college library's worth of priceless books," Jack added with a nod.  They smiled at that.

"We would like to put IOA member Woolsey back in charge of Atlantis," the IOA member said.

"Denied," Jack ordered.  "Because he was doing experiments on Harris and others.  Illegal ones that were being counted as treason."  He flinched.  "Right now, Doctor Jackson is in charge of Atlantis and it's working well."

"I do like Daniel," Atlantis agreed.  "He is very kind unless you irritate him and he has no coffee.  He asks good questions.  He's always excited when he finds something new and he does not make Rodney yell.  Much."

The IOA member stared at her.  "We're in charge of the program."

"And I can lock myself so no one can get on," she said simply.  "Except the children."  She smiled.  "We do not like rude people.  Our people were gentler beings."

"I can throw them off the decks," Nila agreed.  "Or when they've been naughty and not taken care of themselves.   Or fighting.  Because I will not put up with it on my decks."

The director beamed at them.  "You two sound a lot like my mother," she told them.  "I think for now, Doctor Jackson is a splendid choice since he's careful yet very excited over new discoveries.   I have read his dossier from the program and he appears to have sense and compassion as well."

"When they were docked together, we had them sharing military and science heads," Jack told her.  "We've since split those duties up based on who Nila liked working on her."

Nila looked at Xander, who shook his head.  "I do like them for many reasons including that they treat each other well.  They play video games together you know."

The IOA member gaped at Xander.  "You're playing *games* with who?" he demanded.

Xander stared at him.  "I haven't had caffeine yet."  The man flinched back and ran from the room.  "Ah, another member of the Watchers Council I see."  He growled.  Jack smacked him again.  "Sorry for my rudeness.  I was only going to offer to make him a pet of someone nicer."  He got another bat.  "I fully need caffeine because I woke up just before this."

The director smirked at him.  "That man has annoyed many, Mr. Harris."

"At least he's not as bad as Travers was."

"No, not in the least."  She considered the other members.  Then him.  "Will you be moving off the docking station so you can put up you library?"

"Yes, probably somehow."

"That's fine then.  However you decide to do those things.  I think video games are an excellent way to unwind after a hard day.  I'm known for a spot of Mario Brothers myself."  She banged the gavel.  "We'll take a tour tomorrow if you don't mind, Nila.  Atlantis, may we come next week sometime?"

"Yes, of course," she agreed.  "I would suggest earlier in the week because our infirmary has to give out a great many shots later that week to the females on base."

She smiled.  "I can arrange that.  Anyone disagree with Tuesday?"  No one said anything.  "Then we'll be touring that day.  Thank you for your indulgence, ladies, and your time today.  I hope you can find a good and pleasant home again here on Earth."  She banged her gavel and they left.

"You think they'd mind if I set up a doorway to a new place?" Xander asked Jack.  "I'd bring an image projector with me."

"I wouldn't care," he admitted.  "Where would you put it to though?"

"Don't know," he admitted.  He looked at the ladies.  "Atlantis, remember to tell Rodney that means he has to clean up the lab.  He may fuss but still."

"I will."  She bowed and they bowed to her.  "Remember to link in your old office, Xander.  It's facing the city and it seems quite lively there."

"It is," he agreed with a grin.  "I'll see you soon, Atlantis.  Nila, let's go home so I can start that?"  She squealed and took him back with her.  He landed in the command center.  "People, we have VIP's touring tomorrow," he announced.  They all groaned.  "They know it's in construction though."  He looked at Evan with a grin.  "The Marshall Islands."

"We had to have her find us."  He patted him with a smirk.  "What's in that devious little mind of yours?"

"A few things.  It means I might have to share a secret though."  He walked to his new room and then down to soda machine.  He *really* needed caffeine and all his was packed with his bedroom.  He came back up and worked on the doors.  They weren't metal.  They swung instead of sliding open.  So that worked well.  He created the link to his home with the coven.  Then he walked through and looked around, doing a cleaning spell.  "That helps."  One of the witches showed up and he smirked.  "We're back."

"I noticed."

"I'm settling up links from Nila to here.  It's cold iron."

"Pity.  This is your house, boy.  Do what you want."  She left.

He pulled his trunks in, putting his bedroom back in the bedroom it had come from.  He opened the windows and smiled at the fresh breeze.  Then he went to get the library and unpack it too.  The other rooms that had been in there all got put around where they needed to go to fill up blank doorways.  He got a cold soda since his was now empty and went to link Evan's room and his old office.  Then Radek's room since he was pouting in it.  He walked him through and pointed.  "My place that I made with the coven."

Radek went to look and sighed in pleasure.  "This is not Europe."

"No, it's not.  We're a multi-planet, multi-ethnic, multi-temporal coven."  He smirked.  "This is my haven, Radek."  Radek gave him a hug.  Evan walked up behind him and hugged too.  "Welcome to my real home," he whispered.  Evan squeezed.  "I opened the wall in the bedroom.  And I promised Nila and Atlantis could come sometimes."  They went to get their things and the image projectors.  Then Xander made one from Rodney's room.  And John's room.  That way they didn't have to travel.  Then Faith's room too.  That left two open doorways.  He created one to the apartment in London and one to the apartment in Cardiff.   Dawn squeaked and jumped.  He waved and shut the door again.

He searched for Evan, finding him staring at the mountains out the bedroom's sliding wall.  Xander walked him into the bathroom.  They had a huge sunken, square, cast iron tub that would fit about four people lounging - six or seven if you got cuddly.  It had an enclosed toilet area, a vanity for his mirror and vain needs, and a double sink setup.  A walk-in closet too.  He opened the window beyond the tub and Evan moaned.  He grinned.  "That small building with the smoke coming out is the coven's main building.  Where the eggs were."

Evan hugged him and kissed him.  "Tell me it's not illegal."

"The only ones here are the coven, and we're all for it as long as it's fun."  He grinned.  "We have to watch the eggs soon."

"We can check on them later."  He took another kiss.  "There's no spores here, right?"

Xander looked at the plants under the floor-to-ceiling windows.  "No, I didn't plant any of those.  Love vines but not those."  He plucked a leaf of that and pulled back through the large window.  He rubbed it on Evan's hand, making him shiver.  "It's wonderful and the oil from it can be pressed for massages.  It's a wedding night rite on some worlds.  I planted some in Pegasus."  He walked him out, going to pounce Radek and show him the leaf.  He shivered too and took another kiss.  "They taught me herbology."

Rodney walked through with John right behind him.  "Where is this?" he asked, looking out the open archway to the foyer.

"The coven's home plane/world/whatever.  This is my place.  A full mage has to create their own work area and safety.  Somewhere that's just theirs.  And since they're the ones who taught me herbology, it's got a garden.  Also, Mira can fly around here if she wants."  He scooped up Armand.  "Did you have a good nap with Miko?"  He purred.  "Look, home!"  He ran outside.  The others followed.  Armand dug up something and brought it back.  Xander laughed.  "Sure, I'll make you rhubarb tonight."  He took it inside and got out a jar he had canned, spooning him some into a dish.  He and Mira both attacked it.  "Rodney?"

"No lemon?"

"It's tart enough and didn't need citric acid for coloring."  He let him taste it and got a nod.  "If the nice one that showed up was really nice there's bread and stuff too."  He looked in the fridge and emptied the bad stuff.  "Nope."  Faith walked in and looked around.  "Faith, knock on Dawn's door there," he said with a point since she was closest, "and ask her for some stuff to put rhubarb sauce on."

"Where is this?"

Xander smiled and pointed.  "See the smoke?"  She nodded slowly.  "That's the coven's main building.  Where he got Mira."

"Wow."

"This is my house.  I built it, I designed it, I planted the garden because they taught me herbology when I was sick."  He shrugged.  Armand nuzzled his leg so he gave him more and pulled down another few jars.  "I need to make some more soon."  The door to Dawn's apartment opened and Jack stared then beamed.  "Nila's new dock is all cold iron and really tiny rooms."

"Ah."  He handed over some stuff.  "Rhubarb?"  Xander let him scoop out some.  "Thanks, kid."

"Welcome, old fart."

Jack smirked.  "I could call you that."

"Earlier I told him he was like our version of Methos," John said dryly.  Jack cackled all the way back to Dawn's.  John set up the image projectors for the ladies.  "There we go."  They beamed and went to look around.  "How far does your yard extend, Xander?"

He went to look down the hill.  "To the river unless someone else picks my hillside."

John smirked.  "Winter?"

"Yes we do."

"Brr," Faith complained, shivering.

"I'll buy you pretty furs.  Speaking of, I think you can borrow mine if you get that cold."  She stared at him.  "I went places they wore fur," he said dryly.  He walked her into his bedroom, smiling when she moaned at the view.  He looked.  "It looks like one of the younger ones is going to be pretty close."  He zapped the constructor and waved with a grin.  The guy groaned and moved his farther away, to the other side of the mountain.  "There, better."  He walked her into his closet.  She gave him a dirty look.  "Seventy centuries, Faith."

"Why do you have stuff stored on earth then?"

"Most of it's stuff I hadn't carted here or stuff I thought I might need, like the books."

She sighed.  "Why don't you go bring it here?"  He created the space to do that and sucked them all through.  And a few things that were in other hands.   He sent one back since it had been mid-cutting up but he noted that it was his.  They got stored wherever they needed to go, all the books shelving themselves.  She watched then looked at him.  "Flashbacks to the library?"

"Yup."

She shook her head, walking off.  "You guys will have plenty of room for clothes," she called.

John walked into the bedroom.  "Oh.  My.  God," he said in awe.  Xander beamed at him.  "Guest bedrooms?"

"Upstairs."  John went to look and came down to hug him.  He shrugged.  "Even I get bored without company."  He walked him back out there.  Ianto had come over with Jack.  Dawn's doorway was open but she was apparently hiding or something since she was making squeaky noises.  They were enjoying this a lot.  Jon and Jack walked through.

"Hi, sir," John said.

Jack looked around.  "Huge garden.  Lots of trees."  He looked at Xander.  "Did you claim an empty world?"

"No.  This is the coven's."

"Ah!"  He nodded.  "Good to know.  So this is your real home?"

"Yup."

"Even better, kid.  Hi, Atlantis."

"Nila is watching the view from the bedroom."  She went back to staring.  It was beautiful and not something she had seen before.

One of the witches walked in with a basket.  "Here, fussy," she told Xander.

Xander kissed her on the cheek, having to bend down to do it.  "Thanks, Grandma Herby.  You guys, this is the one who made me learn plants when I was sick."  They all grinned at her for it.  He smirked at her.  "I have more."

"I felt.  You're insane."  She pinched his cheek.  "Go play with your boys."

"After we don't have company."

"Good!"  She left.  Then she came back.  "Did you make him move?"

"He was on top of my fence.  Yes!"

"Fine.  Where did he go?"

"Backside of the mountain."  He pointed.  "Catty corner."

"Thank you, Xander.  We only have three mage potential students right now."

"The twins I identified and who?"

"Colaris.  He's the one who annoyed you."  She left.

"Huh."  He spread out the goodies, letting most of it go into the fridge.  "So, General, can I commute from here?"

"Granted," he agreed quietly.  "This is amazing.  Is it temporal?"

"It's kinda more out of time.  Not real connected to the time stream."

"Oh.  Okay."  He went to get Daniel, who was fussing.  He came back and Daniel quit complaining as he looked around in awe.

He went to the library, realizing what a double set of doors probably meant in that house. "They shelve themselves!" he said happily.

"I hate shelving and dusting books, of course they do," Xander called.  "Come eat before you get lost."  He came out to get a sandwich and went back in there.

"If it's out of time, could we spend a whole day here and go back after eight hours has passed there?" Faith asked.

"No, you're living time hours there and here.  It's more it's not connected to any one physical time.  Like the here and now.  The twins that I identified for training were Roman and they're here.  Their portals would get them to their time, mine get me to this time unless I change that."

"Oh!  Okay."  She nodded.  She looked at Evan and Radek.  "Did you two see the tub?"  They smiled and nodded.  "Good!  Have fun with that."

Xander winked.  "I can still swim around Nila.  The endurance swimming is good for me."

"Xander, armory?" John asked.

"No comment.  The other stuff is back there."  He ate a bite of sponge cake with rhubarb sauce on it.

Jack stared at him.  "Can you lock those doors so only the chosen few can get in?"

"I did.  All but the one in my former office.  I'd let Miko get here too.  Once all the ones I keyed into it are here it'll be closed that way.  So her, Ronon, Teyla, Kissen, Tilla, Fischer, and Keller just in case something happens and we panic."

"Good," Jack decided. "I'll give them the tour tomorrow."  He got his own nibble of vegetable.  "Do you grow these?"

"They grow those.  My garden's out back."  Jack and the others went to look.  He smirked at Faith when she walked out.  "No tentacles."

"Thank you."

"Those'll go out front," Xander decided, taking them to plant.  There were all manner of bugs and small rodent like things for them to nibble on.  Gomez was really pleased and Moriticia loved it as soon as she touched the ground.  They were across the small path but that was fine.  He put protections for the witches with peaceful intent then went back inside to free them from the crystal fountain.  It was a beautiful sound to relax to.  So pretty it kept you there if you weren't prepared for it.  Faith was glaring at it.  "It's just harmonics," he promised. "Not magic."  He nudged the others and they woke up too.  "Fountain," he said with a point.  "Shoots pretty water, makes pretty noise."

Evan groaned, shaking his head and going inside first.  "Get down, you two.  No being on the counters."  They scrambled away from the food.  No wonder Xander had metal plates.  He'd have to get him to carve wooden ones.

***

Evan stretched out, watching the tv that came up out of the table about ten feet away from them.  His smaller one was now in the rec room here.  This one was nearly theater sized.  It had good sound too.  They were watching cable by some way he didn't want to think about.  Radek was giggling.  Evan was staring mindlessly while stroking the stomach he was laying on and Xander was petting him for it.  Evan finally looked up.  "You made this house?"

"Yup."

"Magic or physical?"

"Both.  Mostly physical whenever I got frustrated and then I magiced things indestructible and the like.  Created the extra spaces.  All that."

"How far is the coven?"

"About a mile and a half.  Other side of the river is where all the witches have theirs.  Those of us with more power need to spread out more so that if we have an accident we don't destroy others."

"How many other mages have homes here?"

"We all do."

"Not what I meant," he asked.

Xander smiled.  "With the three current students?  Seven total.  Dawn would be eight if she wanted to be."  He ran his fingers through his boy's hair, making Radek smile at him too.  "We're not real crowded."

"How many will there be?"

"Nine."

"Any of them but Dawn yours?" Radek asked.

Xander gave him a sad smile.  "We don't know how I had the one kid way back when, Radek."

"The future one?" he asked.

"Is actually off Dawn's line I think.  I don't know."  He petted them again.  Armand came out of the bathroom.  "Turn off the faucets," he ordered.  Armand went to do that then came back to snuggle in with them.  He grinned.  "That is a bit more futuristic.  Advanced waste receptacles that self-mulch and things."

"Wow," Evan said.  "Any shortage of water?"

"Only if we turn into a desert.  That's happened once due to a mage's accident.  My teacher did that and had to fix it.   That's one of the reason I got taught herbology.  So I could fix anything I blew apart by accident."  They snickered.  He looked out at the noise.  "C'mon, Dawny."  She came in to snuggle and talk to them.  "What's up?"

"Jack's upset about something in a journal."

"Hmm.  Radek, do you want to talk about that?"

"No."

Xander took a kiss.  "You played."

"You found out."  He kissed Evan.  "Did you sneak more sauce?"

"Yup."  He grinned.  "It's good."

"Guys, way more mushy than most people, even girls," she teased.

"When we went to pick up something for the Apollo," Xander told her, "we had to go to my work area in the twenty-third."

"Okay," she said.  "Is that the place you complained about the grody smith that cheats at cards?"

"Yeah.  We had to go to him this time too and Radek played him this time.  He bet a ship, space ship, and made Radek have to counter-bet me or we'd lose the part the Apollo desperately needed since they were hanging in space.  Radek can play some poker."

"Not much else to do in college in my former country," he pointed out.  "No bars at the time."

Dawn smiled at him.  "Do you miss it?"

"Now and then.  I have better and happier now."  She beamed.  He nudged Xander to go on.

"The ship was from about three realities over," Xander told her.  "It had been used by a young woman of good birth and standing who had decided to go against her family's wishes in her taste of marriageable men.  She had packed her jewelry, her journal, and run away from home without any real idea about keeping up with ship maintenance.  So when an air leak happened, she kinda croaked."  Dawn nodded at that.  "Now, fairytale thing here, it popped into our reality and the slimy smith had it so Radek won it.  We brought it back, freaking people out and making Sheppard call us cock teases because we wouldn't let him immediately go play on it.  The Doctor showed up then about the ship and a few other things so I showed him the journal.  I knew it wasn't from this one because it was far ahead."

"How far?"

"Few generations.  He agreed, got Jack to talk about it since it's off one of his lines, and he's moping over that."

"Oh.  So....  He has other kids?"

"Mostly died out, princess," Evan told her.

"Damn, that sucks."  She cuddled again.  "So, that journal is hers."

"Yup."

"Huh.  Well, maybe I'll tell Ianto then."

"That's something he should tell him," Radek said.  "That way his lover knows he needs comfort."

"Jack's like Xander.  He never asks.  He might silently get a cuddle but if you can't read him you don't know when he needs one."  She kissed them all on the cheek.  "Thank you."  She got up and went home, finding Owen was asleep.  She grinned, tucking him in better.  Then she snuck up the hallway.  Jack's place was absolutely silent but the spell she did from the doorway showed only Ianto was asleep.  Dawn considered sneaking in but decided to do something like her mom.  She went to make cocoa and cast a small spell to draw him to her.

Jack walked in and sniffed.  "Cocoa?" he asked quietly.

"Mommy started the tradition.  She's even had cocoa with Spike to let him vent about Dru."  She handed him a mug.  "Right off Mommy's recipe."  He took a sip and moaned, nodding.  She sat on the bar stool and she sat beside him.  "I asked Xander why you've been angsting and he told me about her."

"Did he tell you it's off your line?"  He took a sip.

"No but that's not shocking since we all know that I'm either like you or an ascended in the making," she said quietly.  "Especially if that stupid weevil breaks into the car again."  He patted her back.  She looked at him.  "So you won't be losing me like them.  You know that, Dad, even if it does suck that they didn't keep going."

He sipped his cocoa.  "You're very perceptive."

She smiled.  "I learned from reading Xander.  He used to have the best 'I'm fine' shield of anyone."  She squeezed his hand.  "It's not like you're the Doctor.  You're not the last.  You're not the only anymore."

"True.  Xander's immortal too," he admitted.  She smiled.  "Then there's you being a troublesome brat for years," he teased.

"Yup," she agreed with an evil smirk.  He smirked back and they drank.  "Have you told Ianto?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's personal."

She gave him another squeeze.  "Dad, he knows you had others before him.  Including other families.  He might like hearing about them as long as they don't all look like him."

"You know, the first time I knew your dad had traveled, when he sent me back my band, he told me to treat Ianto better and that life was pain, that's how you knew you were alive."

"Yup, or at least kicking around.  Otherwise you're a zombie or fully dead."

"How is he doing?"

"The trio is very cute.  They're on a foot of bed all curled together."  He grinned at that.  "You know, even the Doctor needs comfort.  Faith said they had a hug-a-thon to help him feel connected again.  He was so detached he wasn't sure what he was doing and why.  Though she did say that Xander had to take Asha out of him and make Donna quit nagging for a few hours."

"That doesn't surprise me," he admitted.  He took a longer sip.  "Really?"

"Yeah.  Spent two days just floating in the time stream and hugging."

"Huh."  He finished his mug.  "That's not a bad thing sometimes.  I've been in places where I would've given anything for a hug."  She gave him one.  "Not now," he assured her.

"It still hurts you and gives you nightmares."

"Like Xander, I have one most nights."

"I know.  I know some of why he has his too.  I kinda snuck his journal."

He snorted.  "Doesn't even cover some of it.  The first time I met him while traveling with the Doctor, he was so scruffy.  The Doctor had run into him at a few events and helped him once.  At that time, Xander had been so isolated by everything and so shell shocked he wasn't speaking in english anymore.  Doc said he had about four that he would speak and he... well, some of them took him in."

"I figured like some of his bad girls, some of his ex's only wanted his ass."

"Yeah, and they were mostly good to him, but kept him like some prized toy from another area.  Doc said Xander was so shell shocked that he bowed to him the first time and went to his knees.  He had to correct that and figure out what the hell he was doing all over the time stream.  It took him a bit once he realized when and where he was from.  Xander took about three weeks to start using English again.  I'm almost shocked he doesn't use an accent."  He put an arm around her shoulders.

"He got him healed, sent him on his way home, and apparently he missed it by millennia.  He made it back to the start of history, which isn't supposed to be possible for any being, even a time lord.  The next time, Doc was in a foul mood.  Repairing the tardis, the crystal was cracked, it was sucking badly that week, and it wasn't my fault but I was there so he was snapping at me.  Xander walked around the corner, looking at the crystal that we had laid out, and snapped his fingers, adding energy so it fixed.  Then he looked at the Doctor and told him 'pissy moods are for girls and he clearly wasn't yet'.

"The Doctor growled for the first time I've ever heard him.  Martha was there too and she gaped in horror.  He asked him what he was still doing in the time stream.  So Xander told him how pretty the beginning of time was."  He stroked over her hair.  "Doc was so stunned, just mouth hanging open stunned stupid.  Martha came over to check him over but he backed away from her.  Doc told him to let Martha look him over so he did.

"He came over to run the screwdriver over him too and scowled at him.  Xander shrugged and pointed out he was the master of the impossible.  Doc complained about temporal radiation.  He looked at himself then at him and said 'from my hellmouth at home, from something coming off you, he mentioned you by name and we didn't understand then, or from then.  Then he got a bright idea and said he knew what it was and dug out his clearly ingrown bellybutton ring with a little pink crystal and handed it over.  'It's from that thing right?' he asked and Doc growled but sighed at the end when Xander scratched him behind the ear.

"Martha and I thought the Doctor was going to smack him for that.  He would've killed us.  Xander got away with it though.  He used it to repair some things and Xander started to go but Doc said he'd take him home this time.  We hit a temporal vortex."  She snickered.  "Yeah, not good news and Xander growled now.  Got tardis sick on Martha.  He muttered, sulked, chin down, all of that, and then pulled out a book, two plants, and another crystal and boom, no more tardis spinning in a whirlpool of time," he finished quietly.

"I think that's the first time the Doctor looked at him like he was an equal, but incredibly scary.  He didn't even give the Master that look, Dawn, but Xander proved himself.  He's shown Doc a few things about being resourceful and Doc likes him like a son most of the time.  Now and then he's got that urge to beat him to death for something but he's also had him use his special skills to help with things."  He kissed her on the temple.

"I think we all underestimated Xander a lot.  He's like the one that can make you see reality.  I did see him totally sneak up on Doc and Donna once.  I saw it in a memory crystal, not in person.  Donna shrieked at him for daring to touch him.  The Doctor just stared at him then told him to get a haircut.  Xander quipped back that if he did that the current temporal bastard would hate it.  He liked the handhold, and did Doc want to hold the time stream destroying weapon or would he prefer Xander keep it."  She cackled quietly, shaking her head.

"Doc was most displeased that someone had created one.  Donna still didn't like him then.  Doc told her about him because apparently it changed when they got him away from that ex and his weapons.  Half of which are probably in Xander's armory still.  The Doctor took out that time agent gone rogue and huffed about it but Xander gave him another hug and he relaxed and smirked at him.  Told him to put on some real clothes.  Xander said 'give me ten minutes'.  Doc nodded and waited.  They tried to take him back then too.  I think the closest they got was the sixteen hundreds.

"Donna came to appreciate Xander because he got to do something none of the other companions did, nag.  Doc would brood, Xander could pull him out of it.  Doc would be working so hard he'd forget to eat, Xander conveniently made dinner.  Doc would fuss about a hole in his favorite suit coat and Xander would drag him through multiple markets until the Doctor huffed and let someone fix it and told Xander to quit being a girl about clothes.  Xander found some real interesting stuff in some markets.

"Doc didn't used to have a garden in the tardis.  I was with him then.  He walked back there to see what Xander was doing.  The last time we had left him alone too long, Donna nearly fell through the secondary exit wormhole he had found by accident while exploring and into a harem.  Doc wasn't happy.  Doc nearly paddled Xander that day and then Donna.  Xander got the wormhole fixed.  Put on protections, and then somehow talked Donna into dressing up for dinner.

"He served berries and some sort of cream sauce and the Doctor was giggling for a good, long while.  I think they forgot about him for about six weeks.  Then Doc walked into the garden area one day and found him digging.  Doc said they couldn't have a garden.  They didn't get any sunlight and how did he get dirt?  Xander showed him.  Doc sent him closer to his time zone.  Which was back before human evolution or the Ancients apparently.  Doc cannot work my band at all."  She snuggled against his side.

"The day he managed the garden, Doc actually knew he was there and was hurt.  He was sulking because the Doctor had said something smartass to him, which had hurt him more.  I went looking and couldn't find him.  You know the tardis is infinite inside, right?"  She nodded.  "Well, he figured it out after checking the bathroom the tardis put in for him and the nice bedroom that only seemed to appear when Xander was there.  Usually right before he showed up so the Doctor realized he was going to run into him.

"He found him planting something and sighed, sitting down next to him but Xander floated him off something delicate.  The Doctor didn't complain but let him finish it.  It was good for him and the tardis, plus us.  Then he got him to talk and Xander was burned out then.  He realized it and told him all he had to do was want to go home.  Xander and he ended up in a shouting match.  I heard it in the control room and the garden's a good few hallways away.

"I pointed out if he had my band it wasn't related to anything mystical, it was mechanical.  I tried to set it but that's when the Doctor realized that whatever he usually did to block it kept Xander from hitting the right century but it was too long going on to clearly fix it.  So we worked on it.  The Doctor got so frustrated with him sometimes but Xander kept pointing out it wasn't his fault.  Hell, Doc fixed Xander up on a  date.  He ended up being a shithead who liked genocide.  Doc asked Xander how he did it.  Xander pointed out he hadn't picked him after we saved him from being killed.  Sometimes I think Doc had this love/hate relationship with saving Xander from his lovers."

"Buffy did too sometimes," she admitted.  "Which I always thought was wrong."

"After the fiftieth though...."

She shrugged.  "How many of those were his choice and how many of those were someone else choosing?"

"He always seems to have that happen and can't get unstuck."

She pulled back to look at him.  "Did you?"

"No," he admitted.  "Either time.  Which is what I reminded the Doc about and he sighed and said it probably wasn't that hard.  Xander gave him to one of the people that wanted him and walked off in a snit.  It took me three days to save him.  Oh, Doc was pissed."

"I would be too but I could see that point from his side too."

"I did too and I pointed that out.  That he was growling at being in the same position Xander was.  Even with all the fights Xander got into, all the wars, and it happened.  Doc couldn't believe it would happen to him without someone interfering.  Our next place?  One of Xander's ex's showed an unnatural interest and Doc fled.  He kinda left me there to handle it but Xander showed up to smack him around for me.

"Doc realized he had left me and showed back up to find Xander in a battle over his ass being his own.  Didn't like it.  Tried to break it up.  They decided if they won they got all three of us.  Doc evacuated us and Xander kinda blew some of them up just as we left.  Doc glared at him but Xander pointed out all he had done was walk past them.  Apparently the later parts of the universe forgot the word no.  Snarked that apparently someone in the time lord's people had forgotten to include that in their dictionary.

"The Doctor just looked horrified so Xander went to his garden.  He followed to see what he had meant.   Xander explained it to him, including how much it had hurt that he had given him to the future's version of Hitler.  Doc had to learn to think a bit because of that.  He thought he had been teasing.  That's when he realized yeah, Xander's a lot like him and me.  He can be a bit scary and powerful, he can do some amazing things, but now and then he needs a hug.   Which I think Doc taught him were good after that talk."  He tweaked her ear.  "Xander made me talk about the family stuff whenever I needed to.  He absorbs all that."

"Yeah but now he has Evan and Radek to make him talk about things."  She smiled.  "Radek will apparently hold him down until he talks if he needs to."

"Good.  I like that."

"So, are you going to talk to Ianto?"

"I don't know that he'd want to hear about it."

"I wouldn't mind and I don't know if he'd mind at all."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "Mention one tomorrow, see how he reacts."

"I might sometime soon.  You should be in bed."

"I know," she sighed.  She grinned.  "Go clubbing with me?"

"Hell no," he said, giving her a fond grin.  "You have a chaperone for that now."

"Yeah, and he's been thinking about gay sex.  I need to go buy a strap on."  He snickered, shaking his head.  "I do."

"No you don't."

"Yeah, I think I do.  Wanna help?"

"Oh, no.  You get Xander to.  He's good at that."  He tweaked her ear again.  "Rest.  We have another day of rift madness and weevils."  He went back to his own bed.  He felt better.  Dawn would understand some of Xander's secrets.  And probably his too.   He slid in and cuddled up to Ianto.

He sniffed.  "She makes hot chocolate?"

"Joyce taught her how.  She's done it to help others talk, Ianto."

"Hmm.  Talk about what?"

"Mostly about Doc and Xander tonight."

Ianto looked at him.  "So, is the girl in the journal Dawn?"

"No, her great-grandchild in that reality."

Ianto smiled.  "Good.  I don't want to lose the mouthy thing anytime soon.  It's about time you got to enjoy having a family."

"Did you eavesdrop?"

"No.  I knew it was family related.  I saw the seal for Xander's estate."  He took a kiss.

"She suggested I tell you about some of them."

"If you want we can over breakfast and tea."

Jack smiled.  "This is really domestic sometimes."

"Hmm, yes, it is, isn't it?"  He wrapped himself around Jack.  "Sleep.  You've stayed up too long."  Jack nodded and let himself drift off.  Ianto mentally praised Dawn for her good work.  Jack needed to let some of that out to someone beyond the Doctor and Xander, who had enough of his own traumas to think about.  He heard a squeal and blinked a few times.  "What did she do to him this time?" he muttered.  If Owen was upset he'd stomp up to complain to them.  Since he hadn't, apparently he had liked it.

***

Xander walked out into the mother of all arguments in the morning.  He stared at the insane people.  "Who in the fuck are you people?" he demanded calmly.  They all stared at him.  "Hi, I'm Xander, geek to military liaison."  A few flinched back.  "Good idea since you guys just ruined my happy mood."  Radek came out of his room up the hall and Evan out of his.  "Do we know these people, Evan?"

"No.  I don't.  Radek?"

"Not in the least."

Someone stormed up the halls.  "Who are you three?" she demanded.

"That is the head of science, this is the head of the military people here, and I'm the geek to military liaison," Xander told her.  "So who in the fuck are you?"  She gave him a horrified look.  "Nila?  Who in the hell are these fucking morons who just ruined my good mood?"

"These are some of the new scientists, Xander."

He looked at them.  "Then you're mine and Radek's people.  As far as I know you weren't  coming until tomorrow."

"Are you a doctor?" the new huffy woman sniffed.

"No, I'm the head linguist."  She went pale.  "So shut the fuck up.  You're giving women everywhere a bad name."  Radek snorted at that, walking off shaking his head.  "Radek, meeting room?"

"Please.  Let me find you caffeine."

"I have one."  He opened his can.  "Meeting area, people, that was the head of science here.  Follow his commands."  He waved.  They fled.  He took a sip.

Evan patted him on the back.  "You're turning into McKay," he said in his ear.

"If I must," he sighed, cracking Evan up.  "Nila, are the others here?"

"Yes, Xander.  All ten new scientists and your new language minion as well."

"Cool.  Are the labs here?"

"Yes, they were moved last night.  One will not lock into place and they're not sure why."

Xander sighed, going to help with that before he lost his temper.  "Guys, the end hanging off needs to go up, not down."  They used a winch to pull it up.  Xander sighed and gave it a magical push and it locked into place but bent a support.  He looked at the scowling construction guys.  "Sorry."

"No, it might've been a bit narrow," he admitted.  "Should we be building support docks?"

"I planned on it," he admitted.  "No idea.  Ask Nila."  He nodded, going to do that.  Xander went back inside to see round two of the mother of all fights starting.  Xander took a drink of soda and handed it to Radek when he paused to take a breath.  "People, this is your head of science here," he pointed out.  "We can shoot you and let your body fall into the ocean."  They all quit arguing.  "Thank you!"  He looked at Radek.  "Which labs are safe?"

"Six of them are deemed safe to enter.  The rest need some repairs and work done to ensure they won't blow up or anything."

"Okay."

"The beam will not work, Xander," Nila reported as she popped in.  "I don't know why."

"Radek, go move the ZPM to the docking area's power supply?"  He went to do that with the spare one.  They all noticed when it came on.  She beamed and nodded, then left.  Xander looked at the list.  "All right, it looks like some of the labs were severely damaged so you'll learn Ancient tech the same way we did, fixing it."  He looked up.  "For those who don't know, I'm Xander, I'm the chief linguist; hi, Paul."

"He agreed with you this time, Xander."

"Cool."  He smiled.  "I'm also the geek to military liaison because we will be having some people here to guard us."  He got a soda beamed in front of him and opened it.  "Thanks, Atlantis."  Since it was one he had left there.  He took a sip.  "As of right now, we have how many threats?" he asked Evan when he spotted him being amused.

"Six countries don't like that we have them and are pushing to have it taken out of US control."

"And they won't win because we can't be sure they won't use things to damage others," he agreed.  He looked at them.  "All of these labs are Ancient in more than design.  Most of them have spent thousands of years alone.  Nila, do any have independent AI's?" he called.

"The botany lab has one but she isn't feeling ready to come out yet, Xander.  I have talked to her."

"Cool.  I'll go talk to her in a few then."  He looked around.  "Most of you are personnel from our various missions, I realize this.  Some of you are from Atlantis.  Most of you worked in the Antarctic outpost.  Wonderful.  Nila is sentient, she is emotive, and she sensible.  We treat her with respect or she has permission to throw you off into the ocean.  Got it?"  They all nodded.  "Good.  Today, you're to go to your labs, see what condition it is in.  Some of them are worse than others.

"For those who don't know me, I do temp in botany.  I do help out Radek now and then.  I also help when things happen.  As this is technically under military authority because the SG is a base, we'll be doing drills later this week.  You guys don't need the extensive boot camp some of the projects got, but you'll damn well be able to handle it if we are attacked by some people who want the tech for themselves.  Understood?"  Everyone nodded.

"Good.  I'll set that up with Major Lorne later today."  He saw Cam walk in.  "For today, we are going to go lab-by-lab.  We are going to make sure of what is safe and what is not.  We have lost too many people to degrading machines blowing up.  We don't want that here.  I will throw the mother of all fits if you do something stupid."  They all nodded, settling in.  "Good.  Now, our official head is here.  This is Colonel Cameron Mitchell.  He's over all of us."  He let him have the podium.

Radek came in when he turned around.  "Radek."  He waved Evan up too.  "These three are my lieutenants, people.  Major Evan Lorne," he said with a point.  "He is in charge of our military presence.  This is Doctor Radek Zelenka.  Doctor McKay's second-in-command.  Yes, he has lasted for years, even with the yelling.  This is Xander Harris.  He is our chief linguist and geek to military liaison."  He looked at Xander.  "They aren't supposed to know about the other one."

"Sorry, I thought they all knew since they're all our project."

"I think only one of us didn't," one woman said, raising her hand slightly.  She pointed at her.

Xander looked at her.  "In?"

"Chemical engineering.  I was recently recruited by the SGC."

"Good," Cam agreed.  "For right now, this is the first day of the most frustrating and rewarding career ever.  Things will be broken, slightly work, not work at all unless a gene carrier gets close to them, and might work perfectly until you hit the wrong button.  We have lost sixteen scientists to exploding machines in the last five years."  They slumped.  "Therefore we're going to be cautious.  You guys are going to be the backbone of the labs, even when we start accepting non-program scientists.  They're going to be giddy about tech but you guys know what it can and has done.  Including the two beautiful baby girls that are at the main base."  Xander grinned.  "All three of the fathers are amazed with them by the way."

"Three fathers?" one woman asked.  But she was new.  The rest of them had seen stranger than male pregnancies.

"They walked into a lab and found an ancient machine that was for asexual reproduction," Xander admitted.  "The first rule is do not touch a machine you don't know the purpose of.  If you have to, take precautions because half of them are damaged or do things that you might not like."

"Like bring another version of McKay to this universe," Lorne said.

"Or make two men pregnant," Radek offered.

"Or even turn you into things," Xander said with a grin.  "We got a few pets a few months back that I had to help change back."  They groaned.

"Secondly, the Ancients thought different things were important," Cam said.  "They thought ascension was the ultimate good thing.  There's machines to help you with that.  One we don't want to touch ever again."

"It's got a huge sign on it," Xander told him quietly.

"Good!  If we find it here, put another one."  He looked at him.  "Any other AI's?"

"Nila said botany has one.  I'm going to talk to her later."

"That's cool.  You're a good first friend to have."  He looked out there.  "We'll be sending a few soldiers with you the first time you go.  Just in case it does something really screwy and so they can help you evacuate if you have to.  Before it was a full team and a scientist at the very least."

The new doctor raised her hand.  "Genes were mentioned?"

"Did anyone tell you anything at the ATA gene?" Radek asked her.

"Oh, yes, I was told I had it very weakly."

"Ancients encoded that," Radek told her.  "So we could operate their things if we ever got this far.  Some things will only respond to ATA carriers, some will work for everyone.   Did they teach you how it worked?"  She nodded.  "Good.  Do not think anything on when you first get into a lab.  If something immediately comes on, look it over carefully.  It could be a watchdog program.  Not all labs had an ATA carrier go through them yet."

"Yes they did," Cam admitted.  "We kept one of the lesser ones to go through things and mark them.  We have a list."  He handed that over.  "We have no idea if them being joined will alter that any."  He looked at them.  "I will expect the same sort of behavior we have on the base.  Without the slacking and the bickering we sometimes have.  If you have problems, see Xander or Radek.  If the military guys have problems, they see Evan or myself.  Got it?"  They all nodded.  "Then welcome to the most frightening, rewarding career of your lives, people.  We'll be making new sciences together for years."  They smiled.  "Let's all start in the first lab, Evan."

"I'll need two or three to go with me to botany," Xander told him.  "Maybe I can talk to the AI alone for now.  She might be scared."

"Got it," Evan agreed.  "Xander, you have team 5.   Teams 1-4 are ready to escort into labs.  That leaves two teams on stand down for base guarding and rescues," he reported.

"Good plan," he agreed.

"Geek bootcamp?" Xander asked.

"Shouldn't be too intrusive.  Could probably become preparedness drills," Cam decided.  "Evan?"

"Later this week, sir.  Let's get the first few emergencies out of the way."

"Agreed.  Go to it."  They left.  He stopped Xander, staring at him.  "You usurp beautifully," he said dryly.

"They were arguing, again.  We walked out into one this morning."

"That's a good reason.  Remember we're in charge, not just you."  Xander nodded.  "Go."

Xander left, going up to botany with team five, who he all knew.  "Guys, going to talk to the new AI," he reported, leading them up to botany.  Someone handed him his ID card on a lanyard necklace.  "Thank you."  He went up and scanned it then walked in.  The guards stayed at his back.  "Hi, Botany," he called.  "I'm Xander."  Something lit up.  He smiled and scanned the lab with the handheld unit by the door.  It was okay.  He thought it on and everything lit up and came alive.  Everything was in stasis but a few panels were open.  "Ah, we had to do some rewiring to get you out of danger."

A small figure appeared on a console.  "You talk to us," she said.

Xander sat down in front of her.  "I do.  I'm Xander.  I talk to Nila and Atlantis too."  She stared at him.  "Do you have a name you prefer we use?"

"No, Botany is fine."   She looked around.  "You have guards like the ones who stole me?"

Xander sighed and pulled out his PDA, getting into the files he had prepared in case they ran into any AI's today.  He held it up.  "Scan that.  That's what's currently going on."  She did it and then nodded, bowing her head.  "We think you're amazing and we're still learning about you and from you."

"Then why move me?"

"Did you notice that things were dangerous there?"

"Yes, but humans have periods like that."

He nodded.  "They can but we wanted all the labs together."

She scanned and smiled.  "We're not in our proper positions."

"That's because you're docked to Nila.  Go ahead and talk with her if you need to."  She did that and beamed at him.  "All right?"  She nodded.  "Good.  Now, I need a list of what is not working and if you know why, so we can have someone fix them, and I need to know anything that you need in here."  She sent it to his PDA.  He sent it to Radek.  He beamed.  "Wonderful."  He pointed at the plants.  "I have some of my own.  I'll be bringing in some samples and we'll be learning about those.  I'll also be setting up the public lanar that we had built into this docking station.  I'm only a part-time botanist."

"She said you have many plants."

"I do."

"I like plants."

"So do I."  He showed her pictures and she giggled.  "I have a whole garden at home.  I'll get some clippings for here later on."  She beamed and nodded.  "Okay, for now, do we have any of these plants," he asked, sending over both lists.

"I have the tea flowers and a few others.  I don't have..."  She scanned the second list.  "I have two on that second list."

"That's the dangerous list."  She nodded at that.  "Show me where they are so I can check their condition?"  She put a brighter light over them and he went to look.  "Okay, we'll leave these in stasis for right now.  Were your other rooms cleared to this one?"

"Yes, Xander."

He went to look, finding them mostly empty outside of built-in benches and tables to work on.  A few floor-level planters.   He had eight rooms to fill.  "Let's start by moving some of the harmless, flowering things into the next room," he told the soldiers, pointing them out to them.  They helped him carry them and arrange them for working on.  That left a quarter of the other things.  "Botany, do any of the rooms have a good light exposure to natural light?"

"The walls on them are all UV sensitive so the light can shine in.  We do have a lot of light here."

"We're near the tropics in the Pacific Islands."  He pulled up a map on his PDA and she nodded she understood.  "So it shouldn't be too hard."  She beamed.  He looked at the rest and took the ones who could be dangerous to the third room.  The rest fit nicely around there and gave a good selection to start with.  "Okay.  We're going to remove the stasis on these one at a time," he ordered.  She nodded and started where he pointed.  He checked the plant's health with the scanner, logged in the type, condition, if it was young or old and about to spawn, and then made sure it had water and plant food.   Botany came out to a larger, human sized to help them.  The other two botanists came in and he waved.  "Botany, these are two other people who will be working in here.  They're official botanists."

"Pleasure to meet you," she said, bowing slightly.

They beamed and bowed back.  "Good to meet you too," the head female of the two said.  "I'm Doctor Culter, this is Doctor Walters.  We were both on Atlantis's team."  Botany beamed at that.  "Xander?"

"Going over each one since they're in stasis.  Radek has the list of what she said needs fixed."  They nodded, coming over.  "I put the flowers in the next room and the more dangerous and exotic in the third room.  They have enough room in them to teach and there's six other rooms beyond that. These are mostly food and ornamental plants."

"I noticed.  Good work."  She smiled.  "We can have Wednesday and Pugsley back, right?"

"Sure, later on.  I'll have to pull them out of storage."  They nodded and got back to work.  Then Xander ran home to get the plant samples for the labs so they could plant those.  Botany was ecstatic over some of them.  She was a lot like a teenage girl.  The soldiers got to help him move stuff to the lanar for planting down there.  It only had ornamental ponds.  Sixteen smaller separate ones around the area.  "I need some of the fish from Atlantis," he decided.

"Please don't make us get the biting fish, Harris," one of the soldiers begged.  "I saw the guy that got in with them thanks to the spores.  I nearly puked."

Xander smiled.  "It'll be fine, really.  I know they're both overcrowded and you can fish them out with a net."  They beamed and he called Rodney over the comm to make that note.  Nila got them the water set up just right and a few bags of fish were beamed over.  He emptied them into their proper areas.  A few in each one.  Alternating biting and normal fish.  The left three without by design.  "We'll get koi or other pretty fish for those."  They beamed and nodded.  Xander got the rest of the lanar planted.  Whoever had set it up had done an excellent job.  There were planters and earth waiting on him.  By dinner time he had them all planted and it was ready except the koi or other pretty fish and furniture.  He sacrificed some fish food and hotdogs to the fish before leaving.  They went to the mess and he sat down with Evan with a grin.  "We need a few handful of pretty fish or koi for the lanar and it's set up outside of furniture."

"Good work."  He handed him a glass of milk.  "Real milk."

"Wonderful."  He sipped.  He hated powdered milk so hadn't drank any on Atlantis for months.  "Cutler, how's Botany looking?  Need anything?"

"No, we're looking excellent.  Her main wiring needs some help but McKay was with her so it was fixed reasonably well as a patch."

"Cool."

"Lanar?"

"All but furniture and three small ponds that need fishies.  I got some from the over abundance we gave the other city."

"Wonderful!"  She wrote her mother that email.  Her mother knew ornamental fish and could send her suggestions.

Cam came over with his tray and sat down.  "Good evening, my people."  They grinned at him.  "Xander, I saw the lanar on the cameras.  Nice job."

"Three need fish and we need furniture."

"We're getting it later this month.  Don't forget to check on the eggs."

"Armand's been there all day," he said dryly.

"That's fine."  He dug in and moaned.  "Fresh food."  They all grinned and made pigs of themselves.  He relaxed.  "Recreation rooms are almost done.  Pool needs to be finished.  Need a pool table.  Need a tv but that's coming.  We'll make it, kids."

"You're sounding more and more like Jon," Xander teased.

"Some days you gotta learn from the best."  He smirked.  "Radek, Nila's upgrades?"

"Twenty percent complete.  The structural is about fifty percent."

"Decent.  You guys make me wonderful things."  They all smiled.  "Chemistry is a total wreck?"  Radek nodded.  "Are we getting help?"

"Definitely.  I sent the specs to Rodney as our technical head.  He sent back swears.  We examined the other labs and interfaced with the systems to run a check.  Some are worse, some are just mildly bad.  Botany Rodney patched on the flight over so they wouldn't crash."

"She's got a short list of fixes," Xander agreed.  "Then we'll be ready to accept others."

Radek nodded.  "In six months we will be."

"Thinking about it," Cam said.  "Will they know what to do?"  Radek shrugged.  "Can we do a class for them?  This is Ancient tech: know it, fear it, love it, crave it?"

"I will put in a suggestion," he promised with a smirk.  "Though I am not up to teaching that and those two things."

"That's fine.  Sam can do that.  Hell, Rodney can do that.  It'll make sure we won't have any fainters."  Cam stuffed his mouth while the others laughed.  "Evan, disasters?"

"Two.  Both beamed back to the main base for treatment.  One pleasure boater who wanted to know if we were a hotel.  We had to produce military people and they fled as fast as their yacht could take them."  Cam grinned and nodded.  "So we're good so far."

"Excellent news.  The VIP tour went well.  Only one wasn't respectful and he was IOA.  He got thrown.  They were all impressed with how she did that."  He ate another bite while they laughed.  "So we're good?"  They nodded.  "Good.  'Cause damn I'm glad I didn't get Atlantis from the start."  They all beamed at him.  "I would've went insane out there.  I like this insanity much better.  Not a bad posting at all."  He finished up and went to walk his halls.  It was something all commanders knew they'd end up doing sometime.  Even if the arguing chemists were going to drive him nuts.  Nila sent them both into the ocean, making him smirk.  "Nice shot, Nila."  He walked off.  Yeah, this was a good final posting.

The End of this story.

Table of Contents

Arc 1. 1

1: The Beginning Of It All 1

2: New DIgs. 17

3: Atlantis And Beyond. 43

4: Atlantis, We Have A Problem.. 70

5: Home Again. 99

6: Reminiscing. 116

7: Asses And Assholes. 176

8: Showing What You Have To The World. 224

9: Hosting. 251

10: Ancient Blunders. 277

11: Making The Bad Guys Bend Over And Take It. 304

12: Back At The Starting Point Again. 335

13: Space Sagas. 370

14: A Debating Family. 400

15: Don't Ask, Don't Tell 436

16: Sometimes You Can Tell, And Show.. 463

17: You Can't Return It. 529

18: Battles At Dawn. 568

19: Revealing Lines. 602

20: Not the Usual Apocalypse. 653

21: Traveler's Dilemma. 678

22: Renewal And Revenge. 713

23: Dick Teases. 757

24: Not So Teasing Dicks. 787

25: The Dawning Of Owen. 823

26: Water Cities. 837