THE WRITER

Voracity

Everyone needs to have a hobby.  Especially if they want to retire to happier things than combat some day.  Hunting isn't a life-long job unless you die young so Xander picks up a new hobby back in high school that's just coming to light.

Massive changes are coming and the script is still unwritten.  How will it go?

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: The Start Of A New Day

Out-take 1: Oh, Those Days!

Chapter 2: Mid-Morning Happy News

Chapter 3: Changing Of The Advisors

Chapter 4: Great New Days

Out-take 2: The Greater and The Lesser

Out-take 3: An Interesting Twist To Things

Chapter 5: Traveling Complications

Chapter 6: Tripping Minds

Chapter 7: Bad Omens

Chapter 8: Questionable Friends

Chapter 9: Will Issues

Chapter 10: A Small Addition

Chapter 11: Summertime Foolishness

Chapter 12: Wrecking The Plans

Chapter 13: Damned If You Do

Chapter 14: Damned If You Don't

Chapter 15: Convention in Miami

Chapter 16: The Complications Of Women In Your Life

Out-take 4: It Should Only Happen To Other Authors

Out-take 5: Alternating Xanders

Chapter 17: Housing Roulette

Chapter 18: Location, Location, Location

Pre-Glory and Dawn.

Chapter 1: The Start Of A New Day

When Xander catches Anya cheating on him with Willow, things start to change for him and the group.

Xander walked up the stairs to his and Anya's apartment, pausing when he heard the noises.  He stared at his door for a minute.  Then he called someone, hanging up after the first ring and texting them instead.  //Coming over?//  He heard a phone ring in the apartment.   Well, that answered a question.  He texted another phone with a 'get here now' code and a //I'm at home.  Please.//  He leaned against the stairway wall, staring at his door.  He heard the bottom door slam and waved her up, pointing at his door.

She listened.  Then she looked at him.  "I'm here to keep you from killing?"

"I tried my usual one first and my apartment had the ringtone of _Witchy Woman_," he said quietly but blandly.

"Ah!"  She nodded.  "I'm here to keep you from killing her and her from trying to do something stupid."

He smirked.  "Exactly."  He walked over and kicked in the door, making one of the girls in there scream.  "Good afternoon!" he yelled as he walked in, Buffy right behind him.  He smirked at the duo on the couch as he stared them down.  "Willow, you might want to listen for your phone's ringtone more often.  Like when I have a lifeline call because I wanted stopped."

Buffy cleared her throat.  "Yeah, I'm not sure I'm that strong," she assured them.  "Willow, Anya, would you like to tell us anything?"

"Why would I?" Anya asked.  "She gives very good orgasms."

Xander leaned down.  "Do you remember your former job?" he asked sarcastically.  She glared.  "What would you do to some girl who walked in and found her guy in bed with another person?"  She went pale.  "I'd hike and head out of Sunnydale, Anya.  Because Buffy can't stop me."  He smirked.  "And I'm going to destroy something in about thirty damn seconds."  Willow tried to move away from him.  "Oh, no, you don't get to escape, Willow.  Not until we make sure Tara doesn't want to curse you.  Remember, you have *two* people you just pissed off."  He gave them both a cold look.  "Anya, your time's up."

"Xander, please, not a wish demon," Buffy moaned.  "Pretty please?"

He glanced back at her.  "I've got about a month to decide," he said bluntly.  "So said her rule book that I found."

She relaxed a little bit.  "That's good to know."

"D'Hoffryn won't let anyone hurt me," Anya said firmly, standing up and glaring at him, ignoring her messy, sweaty, naked body.  "They won't do one of their own, Xander."

"You're not one of them anymore, Anya.  You haven't been one for over a year."

"He still won't!" she shouted.

Buffy went to head off the police officer coming up the stairs.  "I'm keeping him from killing his fiancee and the girl, his best friend, that he found in bed together," she said quietly.

The officer stared at her.  "Summers.  Is it one of yours?"

"Yeah, Xander's going to have to be walked off soon."

He stepped back, holding up a hand.  "Call if there's a body."  He walked off.  He was not going to get in between someone who fought like Summers or Harris did and someone who did them wrong.  With Harris' past especially.  Who knew what bad domestic assault ideas he had learned at home.

Buffy walked in, blinking at the demon in there.  "Xander," she sighed.

"Anya called him."  He looked at D'Hoffryn.  "She said you still favor her.  Are you sleeping with her too?"

"No.  She's not one of mine any longer.  Any protections she lost."  He smirked at her.  "You have made quite a mess of things, Anya."

"Oh, she so has," Xander said smugly.  The demon disappeared.  He stared at her.  "Now, I believe I wanted you to *go* before I had to pretend to be my parental donor."  She stomped into the bedroom.  "No, sorry.  Anything bought with *my* money stays here," he ordered.  "Buffy, if you would?"

"Gladly.  Just so I don't have to cover up for a homicide."  She went into the bedroom.  "Anya, if he bought it, it's his, even if you wore it.  Unless you want to end your really long life now, I'd just give up and go."  She stomped off again.  Xander was giving Willow a cold look.  Buffy nearly wanted a sweater and it was July.  "Xander?" she asked quietly.

"Buffy, can you please go be a best friend."

"If you don't kill her."

Xander stared at her.  "It'll be hours before I'm calm enough to get down to murder instead of cellular ripping apart."

She shuddered.  "Sure, I get that."  She fled, running up to the college.  On the way she called her mother and Giles on a three-way call.  "It's me, it's important, Xander found Anya and Willow in bed on the couch.  Xander's alone with Willow and possibly D'Hoffryn because Anya called him.  Anya's running.  I'm going to cushion Tara."  She hung up.  She walked into the dorm, panting a little bit.  She flashed her student ID, getting a nod from the check-in desk.  "Maclay?"

"Haven't seen her."

"Thanks.  Um, ignore the crying."  She took the elevator up there, catching her breath and calming herself down.  Tara would panic if she was panting.  She took a deep breath before knocking on the room's door.  Tara opened it and the kitty came to stare at her.  "Hey."

Tara stared at her.  "What happened?"  Buffy picked up the cat and handed it to her.  "Did someone die?"  She let Buffy into her room.

"Only if Mom doesn't get to Xander in time."

"What happened to Xander?" she demanded.

"He came home from work."  She sighed, sitting on the bed, pulling Tara beside her to hug her.  "I'm sorry."

"Willow did what?" she asked quietly.  Buffy gave her a sideways look and a squeeze.  "Buffy, please be blunt."

"Anya."  Tara gave her a horrified look.  "Xander came home and found them on the couch."

Tara stood up, petting the cat, cuddling it to her.  "She did what?" she said coolly.

"Xander called me to keep him from killing Anya."  She stared at her.  "I'm here for you.  Mom is too.  She had to do this with my dad being a cheater."

Tara paced, cuddling her cat.  Miss Kitty was meowing and wiggling but she'd live - if Tara didn't strangle her.  "How could she do this to me?"

"I don't know.  Neither one offered an explanation beyond Anya's saying she was good."

Tara grimaced.  "I thought she was different."

"This is not the Willow I knew in high school, Tara.  The one then would not have done this."  She pulled her closer.  "Xander made Anya run for her life.  Willow's still there."

Tara shook her head.  "I'll hurt her."  She sat down, letting her cat down to her lap.  She pouted when she jumped down.  Buffy gave her a hug instead, letting her cry on her this time.  "I don't know why people do this to me."

"It's because they're blind to how special you are, Tara.  If I liked girls, you'd be a fabled reward, like that goddess who married the mortal in the one fable."

Tara smiled.  "Thank you, Buffy."

Buffy stood up and pulled her up.  "C'mon, we'll get ice cream and talk to Mom since she's been here too."

"I'm not sure I can.  I might hurt her if I see her."

Buffy smiled.  "If you do, we'll clap.  I about kicked her butt."

"I might be bad.  You'll make sure I won't?"

"Of course."  Tara nodded, letting Buffy walk her out, with a quick stop at the cafeteria's ice cream machine.  Tara really needed ice cream.

***

Joyce walked up to Xander's door, finding the door still open.  "Xander?" she called, walking into the room.  He looked up.  "Dear, are you all right?"

"She's hiding."  He pointed at the small ball of kitten mostly in an unreachable spot unless he wanted to hurt it a lot.  "I'm trying really hard not to grab her and throw her."

She sat beside him.  "I know it's hard."

He nodded.  "A bit.  Want a beer?"

"No, I can't stand beer."  She took his hand to hold.  "I have been here with Hank, Xander.  I know it hurts.  I know how much you want to hurt her."

He nodded.  "Yeah, which is why Anya's running for her life."  He looked at her.  "I was good.  I called Buffy to stop me."

"I'm very proud of you for that.  I had to get the police to pull me off."

"She shooed one off."  He finished the beer and tossed it aside.  Tara stomped in with Buffy behind her.   He pointed.

"Ice cream?" Buffy asked Xander.

"Beer," he corrected.  "Girls do ice cream.  Guys hit the gym and have a beer or seven."  He stood up, walking her over to where the cat was hiding.  It was a cute little red cat.  He looked at Tara.  "So far I haven't picked her up to throw her at a wall or out the window."

She smiled.  "I'm trying really hard not to let my anger out."

He nodded.  "D'Hoffryn got to smirk at Anya when she called him to prove that she was still protected."

Joyce snorted.  "Was she actually that dumb?"

"Yup, that arrogant too," Buffy told her mother, sitting beside her.  "Any new developments?"

"Go sort out her things to go to the charity box?" Xander suggested.  "Anything nice I can yard sale keep."

"Sure, I can do that."  She went into the bedroom, looking in the closet first.  That had the most likely source of 'good' things.  She opened the other closet, staring.  "Xander, where are your clothes?"

"The blue boxes in the corner that're covered by that sheet thingy," he called.  He leaned in.  "Yeah, I know.  I haven't had a drawer or closet space since the end of our first month here."

"And I thought I could shop," she complained.

"You can," her mother reminded her patiently.  She came in to look, staring at the closets.  "Xander, did she pay for any of this?"

"Anya, pay for her own stuff?" Buffy snorted.  "Dad pays for more stuff than Anya does."

Joyce moaned, shaking her head.  "Half of this hasn't been worn.  It still has the tags on it."

"Most of them came from online shopping, which Willow introduced her to," Xander said dryly.  "But I have to work overtime."

"Where did her paychecks from the store go?" Buffy asked.  Xander walked over to open a drawer, making her gasp.  "Is that silver?"  She nearly touched the silver sex toy but she didn't want to.  It might infect her and make her like Anya.

"Yup."  He grabbed something and threw it at the sneaking witch kitten, making her howl when it caught her tail.  He smirked at her.  "Yes, Willow, I have learned things in the years I've been helping out."

"That was a nice trap toss," Buffy agreed, staring at the ensnared cat.  "What're we going to do with her?"  She went back to packing things.

"I will," Tara told her.  Buffy gave her another hug.  "Thank you."

"We like you for you, Tara, not just because of Willow."

Tara pulled back, nodding.  "I'll remember."

"Good."  She smiled at her mother.  "I've got a date with Riley."

"Tell the Weenie King what happened so Anya can't make him her next pawn," Xander said.

"Sure, I can do that.  Want me to start the gossip chain so none of the peaceful demons help her?"

"I'm sure they'll find out when she has to look for a new place to live."  He looked over at the quiet cough from the door.  "Hey, Giles."

"Xander, what has happened?  Anya came into the store and threw a fit; tried to throw things around even."

"I called you," Buffy told him.

"I didn't understand what you babbled, Buffy.  You were panting."  He heard the pitiful meow and looked down.  "I say, Xander, I didn't expect you to be the sort who tortured animals."

"I'm not.  That's Willow, who was in the middle of things with my ex."

"Excuse me?" Giles asked calmly.

"Xander found Willow and Anya ...together," Joyce told him.

"Graphically," Buffy said.  "I had no idea girls got that messy when they were together."  Tara blushed.  "Sorry, Tara."

"She never was with me," Tara said quietly.

Joyce gave her a hug.  "It's all right.  We'll talk with Willow once she's no longer a cat."  She looked at Xander.  "What are you going to do with the clothes?"

"Give Cordy first right for twenty a piece.  She probably knows a good consignment shop to put the rest in."

"I might let Buffy buy some of it," Joyce offered.

"Anya's two sizes bigger than I am, Mom.  Cordy's taller but about the same chest and waist size.  Pity because some of it's really pretty and if we had formals in college I'd be set with my next stunning dress."  She held on up, making her mother stare at it.

Xander looked.  "I think that'll look good on Cordy for when she goes to midnight plays and things."

"It should," she agreed.  Her phone beeped.  "Crap, I'm late."  She stared at Xander.

"I won't kill her or Anya tonight."  Buffy smiled and gave him a quick hug on her way out the door.  Xander stared at the cat.  "Tara, can we force her to change back?"

"It might hurt her," she said, coming out to stare at her girlfriend.  "Or I might curse her to stay in that form."

"It'd fit since she wanted pussy," Xander agreed, getting swatted by her and Joyce.  He stared at Giles.  "I don't care what Anya did, Giles.  She's on her own."

"I can understand that fully, Xander."  He licked his lips.  "Shall Joyce and I give her her things for you?"

"No, anything I bought is staying here.  Since she never pays for *anything*, she has no reason to need anything in here.  She should feel lucky I let her leave wearing clothes."  Giles shuddered at the cold tone to his voice.  "The close to seven grand of things in the closets are going to be staying here until I give them to Cordelia cheaply.  Because then the clothes will be worn by someone with class."

Giles nodded.  "What about her perfumes and things?"

"Not like she used her paycheck to buy anything but sex toys and I'm going to sell those off to get some of my money back.  If she wants them that much, she can sue me."  He glared at the cat that ran off to hide again.  "I'll deal with you later, Rosenburg."  He went in to help pack.

Giles sighed, working on getting the door to shut again.  Xander's temper hadn't been this high in years.  He and Joyce would have to make sure there weren't an accidents.  Or intentions really.  He glared at where the cat was hiding.  "How could you, Willow?" he sighed.  "Tara's a wonderful girl."  He went in to help once he had the door able to shut and be locked.  The trap on Willow had anti-magic marks.   Xander used them to capture zombies.  She couldn't get out of cat form while it was on her.

***

Buffy jogged up to where Riley was, leaning against his arm when she stopped.  "We have major sitches tonight."

"Huge demon rising?" Riley asked.  "I've got my gear for patrol in the jeep."

"No, worse.  Spike!" she called, spotting him.  He looked over so she waved him over.  "Stay out of Xander's way for a bit," she warned the vampire.

"Why?  He and demon girl getting frisky?" he said with a mean smirk.  "Sounds like fun I should want to watch."

"No, he found Anya and Willow doing the nasty when he came home.  I kept him from killing them both so far."

Spike dropped his current cigarette, staring at her.  "She did what?"

"Which she?" Riley snorted.  "There's days Anya's like a succubus."

Buffy nodded.  "Yeah but Xander's like the god of Temper tonight."

"I'll go play poker then," he decided.

"He kicked her out and her stuff is *gone*, Spike.  Fully, down to her tampons gone."

"Hmm.  Good to know."  He lit a new smoke, shaking his head.  "Hate to see the vengeance demons lining up for him.  Glinda?"

"I told her.  She's at Xander's with Mom and Giles."

"I'll stay on this end of town, it might keep me from going boom too," Spike decided. "Thanks for the warning."

"Giles said she trashed the store," Buffy told Riley.

"We can go store sit," he promised.  "Is she leaving town?"

"I don't know but he's hellishly pissed. And get this, she had a silver, like coins silver, dildo."

Spike nodded.  "Multi speed vibrator," he agreed.  "She bragged.  I'll let the others know she's a target for the whelp."  He walked off shaking his head.  He wasn't sure he wanted to know what Xander might do.  It'd be fun to watch but he'd have to be too far away for safety reasons.

Riley looked at her.  "Let's get dinner on the way to store sit?"

"I could like that, yeah."  She walked off with him.  "Xander's almost radiating anger, Riley."

"How well does he know explosives?"

"Um, did you hear about graduation?" she asked.

He nodded once.  "Well, maybe he'll do the whole town at once.  Save you some work."

She smiled.  "That's not a bad plan."  They stopped to get coffees and something to nibble on then went to clean up the mess in the store.  She walked in and stared while calling Xander's.  "It's Buffy.  Should I report that the store's been robbed since the register is open and there's some missing books by how many are on the floor?"  He nodded. "Cool.  Riley and I can store sit."  She hung up.  "Giles is on his way back."

"That'll work," he decided, moving carefully around things.  "She was really pissed."

"That she got caught," she snorted.  "Her defense was 'Willow's good'."

Riley stared at her oddly.  "No I'm sorry, nothing?"

"Nope.  Tried to tell him D'Hoffryn would protect her too.  She even called him to prove herself wrong."

Riley just nodded.  "Clearly Cosmo and Harper's Bazaar ruined her."

Buffy nodded.  "Yeah.  Even Mom's pissed off."  Giles stomped in to stare around the store.  "Cops or should I tell Spike?"

"Go tell Spike, he can turn her in," Giles said a bit too calmly.

"Sure, let me get out of the way.  Riley?"

"Yeah, coming," he agreed, following her out.  "He was more angry than I've ever seen."

"Way back in his Ripper days, I'm sure someone would've been beaten for that stuff," She admitted.  He stopped her to look at her.  "You didn't hear the tales of Ripperdom?"

"No."

"I'll tell you while we walk.  That way I'm out of the explosion radius since Giles does have magic."  They walked to Willie's, her telling him about what they knew about Giles' past.

"He seemed way too uptight for that," Riley said before they got to the bar.

Buffy nodded.  "Yeah, to us too.  We found out during his stuffy days even."  She walked into the bar, waving at Willie.  "Not here for you guys this time."  She stopped in the middle of the bar.  "Anya is hereby a problem for the Scoobie team," she announced.  "She majorly screwed the pooch, or in her case kitty, and is not on the team."  A few cackled at that.  She spotted Spike, walking over to him.  "She stole books and things from the store," she told him quietly, making him stiffen.  "Giles said you get her first then the cops if you want."

"She's still human," he complained.

She smirked.  "He might let you keep some of the money for cigs.  She took books and at least money."

He smirked.  "That could be fun."

"Coolness.  Giles was back in Ripper land.  We're hiding."

"I can agree with that."  He folded his hand, taking his kitten to eat on the way to wherever Anya was hiding.  He stopped in one of the bigger vampire houses in the city.  The door guard sneered at him.  "Messenger duty.  Slayer wants Anya *gone*."

"Why?  She's on her team."

"Slept with Rosenburg, stole from the store."  He finished the kitten and tossed it aside.

The vampire nodded.  "That could win us a favor.  Thank you."

"Just stay out of the way.  Watcher git knows magic.  Used to dabble in London."  He smirked.  "And Rosenburg's still hiding in pussy form probably."  He walked off.  They'd tell Buffy if he missed her at his first target.  This was not going to be a good night for former vengeance demons.

***

Xander walked into the office Angel shared with Cordelia, Doyle, and Wesley with a large duffle bag and two smaller ones, putting them in front of Cordelia.  "Twenty bucks a piece," he told her bluntly.  "The rest give me the name of a store?"

She stared at him.  "What happened?" she asked calmly.

"Anya.  And.  Willow."

She stared at him.  "Excuse me?"

He smirked and nodded.  "When I got home from work."

"Oooooh."  She winced.  "Are they alive?  I'm sure Spike would help you hide the bodies if you asked."

"Hiding and still in cat form so I don't kill her stupid ass, or so Tara doesn't."

She let out a groan.  "I was less pissed than this when I got shived on rebar."

"And I wasn't the only one at fault," he pointed out gently.  She nodded she knew that.  "So, we have everything from comfy bras through formal gowns."

"Where would she wear a formal gown in Sunnydale?" she asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Willow introduced her to online shopping."

"Oh."  She grimaced.  "My size?"

"Depends on the thing.  She's about your size, maybe a size bigger in some things."

"Good deal."  She pulled up the first few bags.  "Mrs. Summers help you pack?  This is clearly motherly packing."

"Yup.  Tara too.  By the way she still has two major demon summoning books," he said loudly enough to be heard in the other office.  "Spike said he's not sure why she needs a work-quality version of the Necrinomicon or the one on how to summon the top Hell demons."

She shuddered.  "Will she try it on you?"

"She already talked to D'Hoffryn about her delusions of being protected."

She shuddered.  "Yeah, that'll work."

He smirked.  "I'm down to the point where I don't need a molecular separator."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "If I never said it, I am sorry," he said quietly.

She smiled.  "With last night, who knows why it happened, but I'm still mad at you."

"I know.  This could even be karma for that, but she'll be the one dying if I see her again."

"Good point."  She stared at him.  "I only wanted to curse you."

He smirked, pulling out something to hold up.  She took it to look inside, then gave him a horrified look.  He nodded.  "Can they test to make sure she didn't transfer anything?"

"Got that this morning in the demon clinic.  I brought that in to explain why.  The nurse read the first page and pulled out *twelve* vials for blood and *six* swabs."  She shuddered.  "Yeah.  Thank God I am condom boy."

Angel came out of the other office.  "What?"

"Anya *so* cheated on him with half the town."  She handed over the book, going back to the clothes.   "The skanky ho had good tastes."

"Buffy said if she needed it and it'd fit her, she'd take that silver gown," Xander said, taking the book back when Angel started to give him horrified looks.  "Twenty bucks a piece since I paid for it anyway," he said dryly.  "Cordy, I didn't include the panties, just the bras.  Even the ones still in wrapping got tossed out."

"Did she wear them?" she snorted.

"I guess now and then her clients liked her in them," he shot back with a smirk.  She smirked back, going back to her pulling out clothes.

Angel shook his head.  "Does Buffy know?"

"She was my phone-a-friend to keep me from killing her and Willow last night.  So by now, *everyone* in town knows that I caught her.  She also robbed the store."

"I heard that part."

"We let Spike get it back for Giles.  He was about to go Ripper."

Cordelia nodded.  "I would have too."  She moved onto the bigger bag.  "Jeez, Xander.  You weren't kidding, it's even my cup size."

"Yup."  He smirked at her.  "She made me buy it so I can sell it now."

"Yeah, I can agree with that.  I would have.  You're making a good vengeful girl."

"Thank you.  I'm still hellishly pissed but Giles told me I couldn't build another bomb today."

She gave him a look.  "You might hurt innocents."

"She probably slept with them too," he said dryly.  "That book is only in the last six months."

She snorted.  "Whore."

"Nah, slut.  She didn't get paid for it.  Or if she did, she used it to shop even more."  He sat down on the edge of the desk.  "So how's LA going?  I ask because we've slowed down now that the Initiative's shit is stopped; it's a lot quieter."

"Some ran this way, some needed a lot of treatment," Angel admitted.  "Mostly it's still pretty quiet.  No problems up there?"

"No, not yet.  Then again, it's July and you know Sunnydale summers."  They both nodded at that.  Cordelia squealed when she got to something.  He looked back at her.  "I remember buying that one.  The rest she mostly picked out."

"It's trashy but cute lingerie," she said, holding it up to the light.

He smirked at her.  "She never got to wear it either.  Unfortunately our anniversary came right before the Initiative stuff."

She nodded, putting that aside.  "That's cool.  Maybe I'll trap a nice guy and wear it for him."  She looked at her pile.  "I should stop."

Angel waved a hand.  "I'll give you your next paycheck too," he promised.

"Twenty bucks a piece," Xander told him.

He stared.  "Who packed it?"

"Joyce and Tara."

Angel winced at that pain in his wallet.  Mothers were excellent at shoving in more than a bag should reasonably hold.

"Whatever she doesn't want goes to a consignment shop she'll recommend."  Xander grinned.  "I'm taking her other love to heart, making money."

"You'll at least get a good majority of it back," Cordelia offered.  He nodded she was right.  She sighed, finding another stack of clothes she wanted and liked.

Angel groaned.  "Give me a final count, Cordelia."  She hugged him and he walked off shaking his head to get his checkbook.  He understood those vindictive urges all too well.  He also understood Cordelia's shopping problem.  It'd save him in the long run.  This way she'd only have to buy shoes.  Which she'd somehow get him to pay for.  When he came back and saw shoes he nearly sent a prayer of thanks up.  Yup, this would keep her from pouting for weeks!

***

Anya pouted into her drink.  She was ruined.  All her stuff was gone.  The locks at the apartment had been changed last night.  No one would talk to her.  Xander was probably giving away her clothes on her.  And her shoes.  And her sex toys.  And her bras, she'd miss her bras.  She sipped the drink the nice lesbian had bought her because she was so pouty.  It wasn't fair!  Others did it!  Why should Xander mind?

Another demon walked up to her, looking smug.  "I heard your boy took your little black book to the clinic this morning."

She gave him a horrified look.  "What?"

"Yup, walked in with it.  Told the receptionist he needed to talk to a nurse because he found you cheating on him."  He sipped his drink with sludge.  "From what I heard, it took nearly an hour to do all the testing."  He walked off happier.

"I'm not unclean or some prostitute," she complained.  She sulked some more but an idea hit her.  She could get Xander back for kicking her out.  She was within her rights to do that.  She'd ignore the thought that popped up about her former clients saying the same thing.  She knew who she had to contact.  Then she'd get the little dweeb back and then have him all to herself again.  He'd like a threesome, right?  That way she could get more orgasms again.

***

Anya walked into the hotel room and finished up the diagram she had been putting down earlier.  She walked into it and heard a sigh.  "I don't have to summon?" she asked.

"No, I got a head's up to be on the lookout for you calling from Hallie," he said as he appeared, staring at her.  "Hallie said you screwed the pooch, Anya."

She glared.  "I did not.  Willow's still hiding in cat form."

The other demon stared at her.  "Are you dumb?  Harris knows explosives, weapons, artillery, and you cheated on him!  You, who used to punish cheating men!"

She pouted.  "One man can't give me enough of what I need."

He rolled his eyes.  "You're damn lucky he hasn't called one of us on you and her yet," he told her.

"He won't be.  He loves me.  We're engaged."

"Not any more you're not.  He pawned your ring last night from what I heard."  She glared.  He stared her down, looking smug.  "You royally pissed off the team, Anya.  Stealing from the store?  Hurting him?  Hell, even that white witch is bitching on his behalf instead of hers.  There's tons of bets about which one of us he calls and how bad it'll be on you.  Even some of the highest are betting."

She slumped.  "But it was good and most men don't mind two women together."

"Pegged him wrong I guess," he said smugly.  He smirked at her, getting a silent glare back.  "So, you called?"

"He unfairly punished me."

"You're lucky he didn't burn your stuff in front of you.  Or you instead."

"It's still unfair.   Most men wouldn't care and would jump in.  Just look at the movies he probably tossed out on me."

"Actually, I think he donated them to some nuns," he admitted.

She wailed.  "He *donated*, like gave it away?" she demanded.  He nodded, still looking smug.  "No, that's wrong!" she said, starting to move.  "I have to curse him for this."

"If you do, he can counter curse for that and the cheating.  Plus get Rosenburg."  He examined his nails, then smiled at her.  "But there's a small loophole, as you know."

"I do!  It's based on the greater majority's ideals instead of that individual's."  She stared at him.  "I want to curse him."  She thought quickly.  What would make Xander hurt the most?  What would make him beg to take her back?

"Okay, then I'm your only hope, Anya."

"I wish that little side hobby of his to get noticed by someone," she decided.  "Someone important who likes it and can pass it on."

He stared at her.  "Making him famous?  That's a curse?"

"Yes, it is, all those shows say so when they talk about celebrities.  Plus, it'll make him leave hunting for good.  He won't be able to help Buffy if he's famous."  She sneered.  "It would serve her right for not standing up for my side and her best friend Willow."

Mentally he was cackling.  Clearly all that sex had rotted her mind.  Outwardly he just smiled.  "That would probably cripple the slayer somewhat," he agreed smoothly.  "Are you sure, Anya?"

"Yes!"  She stamped a foot.  "Then he'll have to beg me to come back because groupies are pathetic.  He won't ever get to have as good as I am in bed or to him.  I even listen when he's babbling about *ideas* and *going out*."  She shuddered.  "Wastes of money."

He nodded once.  "You're absolutely certain?"

"Yes!" she screeched.  "Do it!"

"Fine."  He cast the wish, hearing everyone cackle at that one.  "We'll see if he wants you back once he gets groupies."  He disappeared, going to make himself sick from the cackling and rolling around on the ground.  That was the most selfish wish ever.  To give him happiness?  He burst out in new cackling.

D'Hoffryn appeared, staring at him.  "What did she wish for?"

"Him to be noted for his writing so he'd be rich, famous, get groupies, and want her back because they're pathetic but she didn't make that part of the wish," he howled, rolling around some more.

"That would take him from hunting.  The higher ups might well reward her for that," D'Hoffryn decided, walking off shaking his head.  He used to like Anya's mind.  Now clearly something was wrong with it and it had to be Harris' fault.

***

Xander sat in the bar, in the back, sipping his beer.  "Hey, Jacob," he said as the demon appeared across from him.  He had shown up a few times to see if he was ready yet.  The anger was still getting in his way to think clearly but he knew a lot of higher ups were either betting or having popcorn waiting to see what he'd do to Anya.  "I still can't think of anything vile enough to do to them."

The vengeance demon over scorned boyfriends sighed.  "I know, there's so much out there that you could do to her.  I mean, they violated the pack and all that."  Xander nodded, finishing his beer. "I can tell you that D'Hoffryn gave her one chance."

"So she's got her powers back?"

"No, she wished notoriety on you for it."

Xander stared at him.  "Excuse me?"

"That you'd get famous from that little hobby of yours."

"Why curse me with a good thing?"

"What's she watch every night at seven?"

"TMZ....oh, she thinks it'll bother me."  He nodded.  "You know, I already had plans in case something I wrote got decent attention.  That way I can still hunt when necessary."  He looked at him.  "Can I curse her to change areas?"

"I can't do that unfortunately.  After a rash of cursing their menfolk to be succuba they stopped it."

"Pity.  Though, making a cheating man gay?  Cute, really."

"Her idea whenever she got stuck.  It was the French during the revolution, Xander.  They thought all gay men were imperialistic."

He smirked.  "That's pretty good."

"There is the tried and true 'can't get it up' curse."

"She won't be able to anyway.  I had to get treated for a demon STD she gave me.  Mine was relatively recent.  I doubt she's been checked out."

Jacob burst out laughing.  "Oh!  I so get to tell D'Hoffryn that!  Which one?"  He handed over the note from the clinic.  "Yeah, this is like syphilis.  You get treated and you're fine.  You don't and you go mad."

"Which could explain that curse," Xander said dryly.  "I was wondering, is it you who'd answer Tara or the one who took over Ahn's spot?"

"Melissa.  She's over women scorned now."

"Cool.  I'll tell her that."  He considered it.  He had been itching to make a curse against her.  "What would happen if, not casting a wish here, she got taken in by someone just like her in the hierarchy?"

"Sick?"

"Needy, using, cheating on her, all that."

Jacob considered it.  "That might give her status."

"What if it were someone like that demon Demetra?"

"He gambles.....  How did you hear about him?"  Xander just smirked.  "Never mind.  You play kitten poker and he's been in all the tabloids for losing his harem in a stupid bet recently.  He'd be interested.  She might blunt some of his hunger.  But I hear he's interested in her anyway as an oddity."

Xander sighed.  "This is harder than I thought it'd be.  If she liked affection I could curse her to have any interaction go on what she literally said, which with her mouth would mean only sex and never affection."

"I don't think she'd mind most of the time."

"Yeah, me either at the moment."  He got another beer from the waitress, giving her a pathetic look.  "I want to curse my ex who I found cheating on me with my best female friend.  I can't decide what to curse at her."

She stared at him.   "Seriously?"

"Yeah.  You know, throw off one of those 'may you be miserable' ones."

She considered it.  "She have VD yet?"  Xander nodded.  "She give it to you?"

"Treated already.  Which is one thing I didn't know but her black book was about the phone book."

"Oooh.  Whore."  She grimaced.  "She trying to trade up?"

"No.  Not yet.  I guess I could curse her to have to earn her way on her back."

Jacob shook his head.  "Anya wouldn't mind."

"Anya?" she asked, looking at him.  "You're Xander?  That Xander?"  He nodded.  "Oh, honey.  She tapped my ex too."  She patted him on the head.  "Snap off a curse about her having to sell her soul and her body to slavers or something."  She walked off shaking her head.  That round was free for him.  He needed it and deserved it.  She looked at the bartender.  "That's Anya's Xander.  He just found out."

He looked.  "Oooh, that poor guy."

"You might spread it around, she has something.  He said he got treated."

"Yeah, I can do that."  He texted the others he knew had slept with her.  It was almost all of his friends list - male and female.

Jacob smirked.  "That was nice.  Now they all know."

"Good.  Hopefully they get treated too."  He sipped his new beer.  "What about cursing her to make my mother's mistakes?"

"Do you really want to get Hallie down to beat you?" he asked.

"No."  He took another sip, shifting to get more comfortable.  "I don't know, but that's an idea.  Hallie?"  She appeared, staring at him.  "I need a really bad idea to do to Anya."

Jacob wiggled his fingers with a grin.  "He's got bad but not bad enough."

She sat down beside Xander, looking at him.  "What happened?  I've been in Asia freeing some slaves.  I only heard she screwed up."

"Willow and Anya were on the couch when I got home one night."

She blinked a few times.  "Damn."

"You might want to tell her that she did catch something," Jacob said, handing over the letter.  "Or not."

"There's the idea of having to take care of someone totally needy," Xander offered.  "I wouldn't wish spousal abuse on anyone but someone who was totally needy, clingy, and impotent.  An immortal one that she's bound to so he if starts to get sick so does she."

Hallie stared at him.  "You're meaner than that."

He smirked.  "I know.  You'd get me if I cursed her to be a mom to a dozen or so kids with a poor husband though."

"Yes I would, Xander," she assured him.  "Though that is totally evil and I'll tell Melissa that idea for when she goes to talk to Tara."

"Tara's about devastated.  Willow was her first normal, good relationship."

"I heard," Hallie admitted, taking his beer to sip.  She smirked at him.  "What about the curse of being better than she'll ever be, and happier?"

"She already did that for him," Jacob said dryly.  "Cursed him to have his writing habit noticed by someone important.  She thought he'd go back to her after the groupies."

She snorted, shaking her head.  "No.  I love Anya like a sister but no."  She let Xander have his beer back then took it back.

"I know you need it more.  That had to have been bad," he said, giving her a hug.

"Now I see why she liked you so much," she said, pinching him on the cheek.  She took a longer drink, considering it.  "I have no idea if I can be that mean or not."

Xander smirked.  "She's pretty well ruined a lot of her own life."  He looked at Jacob.  "There is the idea that Anya has to support others.  Or do *charity* work.  Turn her into a nun?"

Hallie stared at him then cackled.  "That is very mean, Xander.  Make her go work with the poor, the sick, be the next Mother Theresa?"

He smirked and nodded.  "She'd loathe that.  She couldn't have sex.  Wouldn't be able to care about money.  Would be doing good for the world."

Jacob stared at him in open-mouthed shock.  "That's very mean, Xander."

"Well, she would know where the evil things in the world are and how they can damage the soul."  He blinked his big, brown eyes at him with a smirk.

Jacob moaned, shifting in his seat.  "Xander, to be blunt, that's mean enough to get me hard, dude.  Thank you."  He kissed him.  "Wish granted."  He disappeared.

Xander smirked at Hallie.  "Thank you.  You're great inspiration."

"You're welcome."  She pinched him on the cheek.  "What're you going to do if you do get really famous thanks to her?"

"I have plans on how to hunt subtly whenever necessary.  Call it research."  She smirked and took off.  He finished the beer and went to pay his tab.  "Thanks, guys."  He left, much happier now.  He could hear Anya shrieking about this already.  He went to find Tara, giving her a hug when he ran into her in the store.  "Hallie likes the idea of her being Cheaper by the Dozen," he said in her ear.

She gave him a horrified look.  "That's evil."

He smirked.  "Well, you should've seen mine," he hissed.  "She'll be doing a lot of good for the world."  He strolled off after winking.  "Giles, Buffy, small sitch we've gotta confab about," he called as he walked toward the back area.

"What happened now?" Buffy asked, coming out with a glass of milk.  "You smell like smoke."

"Jacob, Hallie, and I had a few at the bar."  He looked at them then back at Tara.  "You too."  She came over.  He smirked.  "Anya's favorite show of TMZ and her porn habit made her decide she could get around the wish restriction by pleading that she thought normal people wouldn't have minded me walking in on them."

"That's porno thinking, yeah," Buffy agreed.  "What did she curse you with?"

"Someone noticing my writing so I'd be famous, have groupies, and she decided I'd take her back when I got tired of them."

"You write?" Tara asked.

He nodded.  "I have for years.  Short stuff, but yeah.  It also made extra money for her clothing habit."  He smirked at Giles.  "She won't need her job anymore."

"Is she dead?"

"She's going to be doing some charity work for a while."  He smirked.

"Anya hates charity," Buffy said calmly.

"So now she's Mother Theresa."  Giles gave him a horrified look, backing away slowly.

"Who?" Buffy asked.  "The name's familiar but my mind's still in my nap from earlier."

"The nun who helped the poor and diseased in India," Tara said, pinching Xander.  "That's absolutely cruel, Xander."

"Hmm.  But it's good for her.  It'll expand her view of the world and humanity.  She can even help because she knows the evils that come for men's souls."

Buffy was staring in horror now too.  "Oh, God, she'll kill you, Xander."

"No she won't."  He smirked.  "She'll be finding God very soon."

"Mom's going to cackle for *days*," Buffy decided, going to the gallery to talk to her.

"It's a good thing for humanity I suppose," Giles said carefully. "But still.....  Quite mean, Xander.  Nearly evil."

He grinned.  "Thank you.  I would've cursed her to motherhood but Hallie would've swatted me.  And hey, good for humanity while teaching her better."

Giles patted him on the back.  "Go get yourself a donut or something so you can calm down, my boy."  Xander walked off, telling Tara about that book and the movies.  She could like that idea.  It would redeem Willow and help humanity while making sure she didn't do it again.  Giles went to moan and pray to Janus that the boy calmed down sometime soon.  That was too evil even for Ethan.

***

Xander got the letter from his usual magazine person, calling them back as requested.  "What's up, Ry.  It's Xander."  He listened, kicking back in his chair.  "That's really cool.  Sure, I can find a suit to be there.  Thanks for letting me know, man.  Yeah, that's huge news."  He smiled.  "Thanks.  By the way, when was I nominated?"  He beamed at the answer of three weeks before he had caught them.  "Very cool, thanks."  He hung up and did a snoopy dance there in his living room.  Tara gave him an odd look.  "I got nominated for a young writer's award three weeks before the wish," he said.

She squealed.  That meant he had earned it before Anya had meddled.  He hugged her and it was nice.  "Congratulations!"

He beamed at her.  "If and when I leave, you coming with?"

She stared at him, blushing slightly.  "Xander, you're still a guy."

"Tara, you're like my sister," he said bluntly.  "Even if you liked boys I wouldn't pounce."  She beamed and nodded.  "Good."  He let her go.  "I have to tell Cordy the good news."  He sat down to call her.  "Guess what happened."  He beamed.  "No, I got nominated for an award three weeks before her wish.  Yeah, for my writing.  The twenty-sixth of next month and I need to find a suit.  Thanks, Cordy.  Sure, share away."  He hung up and relaxed, turning up the tv.  Tara settled in next to him.  It was nicer now.  She liked to spend time with him and *talk* to him.  He had missed that with Anya.

***

Buffy walked into the gallery, sitting down beside her mother's desk.   "Things are moving."

"What things?" she asked, looking at her daughter.

"Everyone.  Some day Xander's going to be well known and have book groupies.  Apparently the wish stuck so Willow's going to be finding a guy to date soon.  I can't see her sticking around here either.  Anya's going to going for sainthood."

"What?" she asked, looking confused.

"They didn't tell you about the post-breakup wishes?"

"No."  Buffy explained them to her.  Joyce shook her head.  "I hope Willow's a better mother, or at least more attentive, than her own was."

"I'm sure she will be but she won't be here if I need her."

"I'm fairly certain if you call for a major situation, they'll come."  She smiled.  "Plus they might send you more people who want to help if they find them.  You did get Riley and I'm hoping he'll be a better person some day soon."

"He's better than he was before."

"I'm glad.  Or else I'd have to kick him around."  She patted her daughter on the knee.  "You're not alone, Buffy.  Even if they aren't here at the moment, they're your slayerettes.  If you need them, they'll be there.  Even if it's just in letter form to rant about Riley standing you up."

"I hope so but I can't imagine Xander being all goody-goody with the press."  She shifted.  "I know he takes his frustration and anger out in the hunting."

"Yes but he can also write it out," she pointed out gently.  "Books are wonderful because you can kill people over and over again.  I know one of them was fairly dark.  I think he wrote that one in his senior year."

"How long has he been writing?"

"I asked and he said he started to write after Jesse died.  After the harvest."

She nodded.  "He needed someone to talk to and we weren't there."

"It was good for him to get it outside and you were dealing with a lot yourself, young lady.  You've both moved on from those days."

She nodded.  "We have.  We're much mor friendy now."  She kissed her mother on the cheek.  "Thanks, Mom."  She left.  Joyce smiled.  Sometime she missed her innocent, airhead daughter.  It was a lot easier to give good advice to her than it was to The Slayer.  She got back to work.  She had to pay for Buffy's shopping somehow.  If Anya's stuff had fit her, she would've bought it all.  It would've cost less than Buffy's usual shopping trips.  Thankfully having a boyfriend was keeping down the shoe and clothing shopping, leaving some interesting lingerie purchases.  Someday maybe Riley would pay for her daughter's little surprises himself.

***

Angel walked up to the motel room door, making himself knock on it.  He grimaced because it was filthy.  Anya had really hit rock bottom thanks to her stupidity.  "I need to know what you know about a type of demon," he said.

"Come in."  She let him inside.  "What type did you need to know about and why?"

"They're bothering a cloister up the road a bit.  It's a favor for someone I helped."  He held up a picture.

"They're demonic mafia thugs.  I know the one in the back.  Want me to talk to him?"

"It'd mean going to a nunnery, Anya."

"Angel, I want out of this room," she said bluntly.  "It's creepy, it smells, and I can't even find an easy boy when I bring him back here.  It's bad enough I had to hear through the grapevine that Xander gave me something."

"Um, Anya, I heard about that.  He told Cordelia."  She pouted.  "It was a demonic form of VD."  She stared at him.  "Usually found in slime demons.  It didn't come from him."

"Oh.  I didn't know that."

He nodded.  "Yeah.  Are you sure you want to go?  They're not exactly the sort of people you're used to."

"Please.  I want out of here.  Maybe I can talk to them, see why they're bothering nuns."  He nodded, walking out with her once she had her jacket and had changed into something more...decent.  He made sure he put something down on his seat for her since he told her it'd be cold.  Leather and it was a bit chilly tonight meant she'd get chilled.  In truth, he could wash it easier than he could the car's seat.  He drove her out there, taking her around to the back chapel, or the meditation area as it was called.  It was a pretty outdoor chapel.  Someone had done a mosaic of nuns helping people in simple, colored stones.  It had stone benches and was on a small pond/fountain.  One of those that had the small spray in the center but was a pond for the most part.  Anya slowed, looking around her with wonder.  He smiled at the nun.  "Sister.  May we speak?"

"Of course, Mr. Angel.  Have you found anything?"

"This is a friend of my associate's who knows one of the people who has been harassing you.  She said he's...connected."

She sighed.  "Sister Abigail used to have a problem with gambling.  We had to remove her from fundraising bingo as well."  She sat on a bench, staring up at him.  "If that's the reason I can ask her."

"It might be helpful.  Anya will be asking them when they show up."

She smiled at the young woman staring at the mosaic.  "It's very pretty.  One of our parishioners did this all for us while he worked on his health a few years back."

"It's very quiet," Anya said, staring at the picture.  She felt...something.  She didn't even realize the nun and Angel had walked off and left her there.  She sat down, still staring at it.  She had no idea why she suddenly felt this way but she felt almost connected, like the picture was drawing her in.  It made her feel happier than most orgasms did.  Happier than finding a shoe and bra sale on the same day had.  She sighed in pleasure.  This was very...nice.  She nearly jumped when someone sat next to her.  "I'm sorry," she said quickly.

"The calling comes to us all at different times in our lives.  Usually when we're ready to hear them, Anya.  We have service in an hour, before we go to the homeless kitchen to serve food.  Would you like to attend with us?"

"I know nothing about your religion."

She smiled.  "Then it's a good place to learn.  We're the quiet, helpful sort when you need us."  She stood up.  "Come on.  I'll show you the way inside so you can read some of the books.  Aren't you chilled?  That outfit is a bit thin for today's weather."

"I'm fine, thank you."  She followed her.  She wasn't sure why.  She hadn't liked faith in her original life.  But now, it almost felt like a bit of holy water'd neosporin over an open wound.  Very comforting and soothing.  She got sat in a pew by the nun and handed a book.  She stared at it then opened it.  It had some things wrong.  She knew that because she had been there.  She looked around.  They'd never understand her here.  She wasn't the nice sort.  She had done many things that they wouldn't approve of.  After the service she snuck off but took the book with her.  She knew there were people of faith who deal with demons.   Maybe they would be able to explain it to her?  And this sudden strange urge?

***

Angel got back to the hotel just before dawn, realizing he had left Anya there.  He paused and looked up.  "I hate being an instrument of a wish," he complained.  "Get another pawn."  He went up to bed, shaking his head the whole way.  Wesley stopped him in the hallway, giving him a look.  "The demons bothering the nun have been paid off.  They won't go near her again."

"Then why do you look so distressed?"

"Anya stayed at the cloister to talk to the nuns."

"Ah!"  He nodded once.  "I don't think they're the sort she'd understand but I do know a priest who deals with the supernatural if you think she needs someone to talk to."

"Yeah, she probably does, since the rumors of the wish Harris laid on her for cheating say she's going to find faith and help people."

"A wish to redeem her?" he asked, smiling at that.

Angel nodded quickly.  "From what I heard."  He went to his room.  "She's in the Augustine.  Room 12."

"That's a filthy hole but I'll call him."  He went to call his friend and a snitch to see when she got back there.  She had just come in and collapsed.  Carrying a bible from what they had said.  "Father Joseph please.  Wesley.  He'll know.  No, the matter of a soul who may have just found conversion."  He smiled.  His friend came on the line.  "Joseph, I heard you were local.  Yes, it has been a long time since watcher training.  No, I believe you need to talk to a young woman I know of who has just found faith after centuries as a demon."  He said something quietly.  "No, I believe it's ordained but I think it just hit her earlier when she went to help my coworker Angel with a nun who was being bothered by demons."

He smiled.  "I'll even buy you breakfast, how's that?"  He nodded.  "That's wonderful.  I will warn you we're going to a hovel of a motel.  Yes, the Augustine.  Thank you.  About an hour?"  He nodded.  "That's wonderful, I'll see you then."  He hung up and went to get ready to go out.  He had a few other books that she might like to read through.  If what Angel had heard was true, it might help her decide which order to go to.  He walked out to his car, smiling at the very idea of Xander's revenge being to redeem her.  He drove to the church he needed, waiting patiently.  His friend got in, leather jacket over the jeans and formal shirt/collar he wore.   "Where would you like breakfast?"

"Anywhere's fine," he said quietly with  a stronger accent than Wesley had.  "Tell me of this young woman?"

"Anya is... very unique."

"Why is she suddenly finding faith now?"

"Do you want the truth?"  Joseph nodded.  "From the rumors we have heard, a former lover has made a wish to redeem her from her whoring lifestyle."

"How would that relate to me?"

Wesley smiled, pulling into the drive-thru of the local restaurant he favored.  "She's a former demon."

"Interesting."  He gave his order when the board started to say something.  Wesley gave his and they drove around, letting Wesley pay for it and then get their food so they could be on their way.  "How well do you know this young woman?"

"Not very closely.  She lost her power center a few years back, when I was stationed in Sunnydale."

"The hellmouth?" he demanded.

"Yes, Rupert told the Council to bite him and then I ended up doing the same once they decided I was ineffectual for sticking up for the slayers."  He smiled.  "She had been helping the Slayer Summers' team.  Unfortunately then her boyfriend found her in a compromising position."

"So he cursed her to faith?"

"To find faith and help people from what Angel heard."

"So basically to redeem her."

"Yes."

"Is this considered a good wish or a bad wish?"

"That depends on your point of view," Wesley admitted with a smile.  He shot him a smirk.  "You'd have to talk to Anya yourself to learn more about her.  Angel took her to the cloister on the outskirts of town to help a nun being plagued by some demons.  It apparently caught her attention then."

"So early on.  Has she even read our books?"

"I do not know but I did bring some I can lend her.  I think she'll be helped by them.  One is by Father Octavian Oswerd."

"That may help her more than anything else," he agreed.  He nibbled through his breakfast.  "What position was she in before?"  Wesley smiled at him.  "Higher ranks?"

"We're nearly there."  He pulled into the motel's parking lot and parked, getting out with him and the books.  He walked him to the door, covering his hand with his sleeve to knock.  "Anya, it's Wesley," he called when he heard a grunt.  She opened the door, giving him a bleary look.  "This is Father Joseph.  He's a priest."

She stared at him.  "How did you hear?"

He smiled.  "I'm one that hears many things, child.  May we?"  She got out of their way.  He walked in and looked at her.  "You look tired."

"I was staring at a strange mural all night," she admitted.  "I don't know why it affected me."

"I can explain some things," he promised, sitting down without looking.  She smiled at him. "Wesley tells me you used to be a demon."

"You know about us?"

"I do.  I'm the one who gets sent to deal with demons possessing people here in LA, Anya."

She smirked.  "Anyanka," she corrected.

He smiled and nodded once.  That explained Wesley not telling him.  If she was truly converted, this was the redeeming of the ages.  "I've seen some of your work in the past, young lady."

"I'm not that young.  I'm almost eleven-hundred-and-fifty."

"Compared to the Lord, you're a mere infant," he offered with a gentle smile.  "As I am."

She sighed.  "You have a pretty smile.  For some reason it's not doing anything for me like it was before."

"Hmm," Wesley said, handing over the books.  "Here, I thought those might be helpful while you think about this issue, Anya.  I'll leave you two alone since this is a personal topic.  Joseph, I'll be around the corner at the bookstore.  Call when you need a ride back."

"Of course."  He waited until they were gone then smiled.  "You've figured out what's going on?"

"Someone made a wish," she pouted.  "They must have."

He nodded.  "To help you find a purpose in life, Anyanka.  Something that will be carried through the ages beyond stories of fear of you."

She stared at him.  "Huh?"

He picked up one book.  "We still know about this one priest, even though he died in the twelve hundreds.  We have multiple people studying him and his deeds.  Even though he used to be a feared general in one of the bigger armies of his day."  He handed it to her.  "Stories of his works in the church lasted well beyond stories of him as a warrior."

She stared at the book then at him.  "I never believed in faith before."

"I know how that can be.  I was Wesley's yearmate in the Council's training program until one day, during a hunt, a quiet voice told me that I was more important than helping a girl.  I could help hundreds on my own, counsel thousands of others, or I could die a simple watcher after a bit in the field."

"The mosaic struck me and I don't know why."

"We'll figure that out.  If you have questions about the faith, I'm here to help you.  More than anyone in the current priesthood, I understand where you've been."  She gave him a sad smile.  "I also know the astounding peace that is in front of you if you listen to it."

"There are others like me?"

"A few here and there.  None that were vengeance demons but a few who were possessed and kept a lot from them.  Some that are gifted with magic as well, though they can't use it for more than healing within their duties."

She nodded.  "I've seen those that could heal."

"So have I.  I've worked with a number of them actually.  Possessions do mean things to an innocent body."

"I've seen that."

He smiled.  "Now, how familiar are you with our faith?"

"Not very.  I've heard of it, tormented some supposed men of faith."

"There's always been and always will be men who claim faith that they don't understand or feel.  If you hadn't gotten them for it, then God would have," he said simply.  "That's what He's there for."

She leaned forward.  "I started to read earlier and it had wrong parts.  I was there for some of it."

"The book was written by men, Anya, not a direct account of it either.  The Good Book has many things that people object to.  Including things that would have gotten you called before."

"I saw that."  She tipped her head for a bit.  "Why is it hitting me now?  It could have hit me earlier."

"You could have felt it and ignored it.  I know I ignored it the first few times it happened.  I was downright pissed when I realized I couldn't ignore it and it meant I'd have a calling."

"But you don't get sex."

"No I don't.  Then again, did you as a demon?"

"No," she admitted.  "But I hated that.  That's why I made up for lost time."

"We all try to but we can never reclaim what we've lost.  We have to live in the present and hope for the future.  Dwelling is not good for you."

"I miss my working days," she sighed.

"I know why.  I miss my own days when I was out having fun now and then.  It's a lot easier to forget that the world is a cold place when you can get drunk."

She nodded.  "It would be.  I don't understand."

"About what?"

"Why do this to me?"

"I think they were hoping to help you.  I don't know who did it so I can't say for sure."

"Do you think it might be my last ex?"

"If it was it was because he wanted to make sure you were helped," he assured her.  Though it was probably a lie.  From what he'd heard about her in the rumors she was quite possibly made this way to solve her libido.

"Then maybe it was meant to be a good wish.  I don't know what I'm going to do since I can't have sex and I suddenly don't want to shop."

He smiled.  "We can help others if you want."

"But they're needy."

He nodded.  "You have some of the best experience in seeing what the most hurt and needing need to heal.  You saw them and their children when the mothers called on you."

She stared at him. "It can't be as fun as sex and bra shopping."

"That's fun but helping others is soothing to something inside instead."  He leaned back.  "We can do that whenever you want so you can compare it."

She nodded.  "I'll think about that.  Did you know there was incest in the book?"

He nodded.  "I do."  She sighed, shaking her head.  "Even back then it happened, Anya.  As I'm sure you saw sometimes."

"Yes I did."  She sighed, looking at the other books.  "I still don't know why me."

He smiled.  "Why not you?  You have experience that could be helping hundreds of people a year.  You can counsel couples so they don't make mistakes that would get you called upon."

"The new holder for my job would be upset."

"Anya, be honest.  You were overworked when it was your job.  Wouldn't you have rather let the lighter cases go so you could focus on those who *really* deserved your attention?"

"Well, yes."

"That's who you'd be working with."

"I still don't understand these urges.  It's worse than when I want orgasms."

"Hmm.  That can happen.  There's a small church up the street.  We can see if it'll make you feel better."

She stared at him.  "How would it?"

"You'll see."  He pulled her up.  "Come on."  He walked her up the street, opening the door for her.  She walked in and suddenly sighed and smiled.  "It's a feeling you can't describe but it happens to all who are called to service," he said quietly.

She looked at him.  "It's like a hug after an apocalypse."

He smiled and nodded.  "It can be, yes."

She sighed, staring at the banners in the front of the church.  "This is going to screw up the way I see things.  There's no hope of being rich, or of having orgasms."

"No, but the feeling you get instead is better for you and you'll have what you need even if you don't have extras."

She nodded.  "I can see why."  She took his arm, walking him back out.  "Tell me what I can be doing?"

"Of course."  He patted her on the hand.  "I'll help you find your footing and a place to fit in.  Remember, none of us are perfect, that's why we have confession."  He smiled.  "For non-Catholics, they have therapy.  Works about the same."

"Do I need to?"

"If you become serious, it's part of the faith.  It helps you live in the present instead of dwelling."

"I guess that makes sense."  They went back to her motel room to talk some more.

***

Xander came home from the award.  "Honorable mention."

"That is still fantastic," Tara reminded him.  She smiled and gave him a hug.  "It could have went to thousands of people, Xander.  You did really good."

He grinned.  "Thanks, Tara.  I have a meeting on Saturday."

"Don't you have to work Saturday morning?"

"Shoot."  He called his agent.  "I was wrong, I can't make Saturday.  I have to pull some overtime on the site."  He smiled and nodded.  "Thanks, man.  Yeah, I'm here.  We're cleaning up the former high school's site.  Sure."  He hung up.  "He'll show up to talk later this week instead."  He put her under his arm, making her blush.  "We have to have a meeting.  They're going to rebuild the school."

She shuddered.  "I'd hate to be a student there."

"At least they won't have Snyder breathing down their necks."  He walked her out and down to the car, driving them to the Magic Box.  It was wonderful how not having Anya had freed up his paycheck for other things.  Especially with Sunnydale style overtime from missing people.  "Our people," he said as he walked in.

Buffy stared at him, ignoring the 'wow, he's kinda cute' thought going through her mind over and over.  "Did you win?"

"Honorable mention."

"Which means he still beat thousands of others," Tara reminded him.

"Congrats," Buffy said quietly.  "So why show up in the fancy clothes?"

"Got a head's up on the drive home from my boss.  They're rebuilding the school."

"Let me guess.  They're going to name it after Wilkins and put it on the same spot?" Buffy guessed, sounding sarcastic, yet tired.

"Don't know about the name but yeah.  Once we have plans I'll slip you a copy for future reference."

"It never ends," Riley moaned.

"No, not around here," Buffy sighed, slumping against his shoulder.  "How soon?"

"Probably about two years.  They have to approve a plan, get it passed through City Council.  Pass a funding amendment in the town.  We won't be done with the clean up for another six months so they're doing the plans right now.  Then we'd have to start with the foundations but we'll be done about spring mudslide season.  That'll push that back a bit because we'll have to pump the water out of the holes.  The boss said we'd be pushing for completion and opening for the start of the school year in two years."

"Then there'll be more teenagers terrorized by the hole of doom," Spike joked.  "Can't wait."

"Also on the head's up side," Xander said cheerfully.  "Prom has been announced in the paper if we did not read it today."

"Tell us, Oh Great One, where will I have to guard and worry about having flashbacks at?" Buffy teased.

"Flashbacks?" Riley asked her, giving her a confused glance.

"Yeah, someone was training hellhounds to hate formal gear.  I had to kill three of them, do a quick change and my hair in the bathroom, then go."

Xander grinned.  "You didn't look bad but your hair was a bit messy," he offered.

"Thank you.  The beauty of a slip dress," she quipped back.  "Next time I'll bun my hair beforehand and make sure it can't come down."

"It'll be easier since the town's inviting everyone to sit and watch the prom so they can remember their own youth and happy times.  Ten to whenever in the main park, the gazebo will have the DJ, the pond will have specially colored lights.  Streamers in the trees.  Specially put down floors for the dancing."

"Running vampires.  Pond monsters," Buffy quipped.

"That one that was eating at the mall," Tara reminded her.

"What if it's going to rain?" Riley asked.

"Tents," Xander and Buffy said with a sigh.

"According to the paper, if the adults wanted to dance too, it's allowed," Xander told her.  "It's the start of the big anniversary weekend.  The next day is a parade.  VFW dance later that night with the Council of Founders' Families.  The college will have a dance that night. There will be mass partying."

"Were we running behind on our body count this year?" Buffy asked him.  "We'll have a whole weekend of feasting opportunities right around apocalypse season."

"Adam's College is restarting their Winter Ball," Xander offered.  "Hundred bucks per person to dress up, shmooze, all that."  He sat down, Tara beside him.

"Outside?" Buffy asked.

"Remember the frat where you nearly died?  They've renovated it for the new alumni center.  It'll be in there."

"At least that demon's dead," she decided.

"Demon in a frat house?" Riley asked, looking at his girlfriend.

"The first time I snuck off from my duty for a night off at a frat party," she said dryly.  "Cordy and I nearly died thanks to the giant demon the frat was worshiping to make them powerful and rich."

"Almost beats yours, huh, Riley?" Xander asked with a smirk.

"They probably threw worse parties," Riley shot back with a grimace.

"I don't know, it wasn't too bad," Buffy said dryly.  "Those virgin sacrificing parties can be pretty cool now and then.  I had fun until I was knocked out."

"And what did we learn from that?" Spike taunted with an evil smirk.

"Clearly it wasn't 'frat boys are bad'," Xander said dryly.

Riley glared.  "Not all of us."

"When sober?" Xander taunted.  "Or in general is there a small minority?  Ten, twelve percent?"

"Probably closer to forty," Buffy quipped.  "Some of them don't drink."

"They do coke instead," Xander said smugly.  "Like the two in the paper being buried today?"

"Did it," Riley said quickly, standing up.  Buffy smirked at him.  "Bronze?  Since Xander's dressed up he might even attract a woman this time."

"Anya's wish promised me groupies, I'm waiting on them," he said dryly.

"Did it make you impotent too, whelp?" Spike asked, looking totally evil now.

"Nope, but I still don't want to sleep with someone else who might've slept with Anya and have to be treated again."  He stood up, pulling Tara up.  "Aren't you glad vampires can't get those things, Spike?"  He walked out with Tara, Buffy snickering behind them.

"You did?" Riley asked Spike.  "Was she any good?"

"You're probably one of about ten in town that can't tell from experience," Spike shot back.  He stood up.  "Could use a fight anyway.  Wonder how long it'll be before we have to tell the boy what to do with a groupie."

"I can't believe vampires get groupies," Riley said dryly, walking out too.

"Look at how popular we are and all those goth kids," he said smugly.  "We get plenty 'a tail."

Riley shook his head.  "I'm sure some enjoy it."  They ran into the main group at the Mocha Pump getting fortifications for the six block walk to the club.  He saw Xander muttering at his cup and wondered why but he'd leave it alone if the guy wanted to talk to his iced coffee.  It was probably from whatever funny thing Anya gave him.  When they ran into the obligatory vampire group - because no night would be complete without being attacked by a group of vampires - he saw that it had a reason.

Xander noticed Buffy had lost her stake and took one last sip of his coffee before handing it over.  "Iced holy coffee, Buff?"

She gave him a strange look but took it to splash on the vampires in front of her.  "How did you figure that out?" she demanded since they were screaming as they melted.

"Not that hard.  Coffee is mostly flavored water.  It's really fun when you do it with tea.  Especially with lemon.  Makes them squeal first and the lemon bits stick to the dust.  Which means it doesn't get on you.  Too solid to stain, too liquid to clump like mud," he quipped.

Spike looked over at him.  "You're bent."

"I'm not going to answer the allegation of being bisexual today," he said with his best 'accepting the award' smile he had practiced for days.  "You'd have to catch me out on a date to know for sure."  He ducked a blow from a vampire's fist.

"Xander!" Buffy complained, stopping her butt kicking to swat him at the vampire.  "That's bad!"

"I agree but he looks good in that suit," the vampire she was fighting said.  She staked him.

"No, he can't date anyone that harmful to the group," she told the ashes.

"At least Anya wasn't," Riley agreed.  He'd heard *stories* from Spike.

Xander looked at him.  "Cordelia wasn't either."

"Cordelia was a half-step," Buffy admitted.  "She was still mean and a bit evil back then but not dangerous.  So good job!" she said, patting him on the arm.  She saw another vampire running their way with a victim in front of him.  "Xander, can you do that thing to the coffee again?"  He blessed Riley's cup, since his was at his feet.  He tossed it over the victim's shoulder, getting the vampire in the face.

"Ahhhh!  Cinnamon and mocha, gross!" he yelled as his face melted off.

Buffy staked him.  "I know but he's weird that way.  Blame the military people."  She rolled her eyes.  "Okay, let's go.  We all pretty?"  She dusted off as they walked off again.

Xander had to blot one spot on his jacket.  "Drool," he said in disgust.  He paid his and Tara's cover to get inside.

Tara helped him clean it up, earning a smile.  "There, now find someone pretty to practice groupie things on," she teased.  She and Spike were at a table for now.  Spike would protect her.

Xander shook his head.  He'd still have to make sure they didn't sleep with Anya too.  Maybe he'd put an ad out in the paper to warn them?  No, the demon newspaper had already done that for him.  The humans would realize it eventually.  He found a cute thing to dance with, seeing her appreciate looks.  "Awards dinner," he said with a smirk.

"For what?"  She moved closer.

"Short stories.  My first one.  I'm celebrating."

She cooed and moved closer.  She could use some celebration in her night.  Nicely dressed guys weren't bad ones, right?

Buffy shook her head at the cheesy pickup line she had heard Xander use.  How he got girls with that sort of bad line she wasn't sure.  She winked at a vampire and moved to dance near him.  If he wasn't a vampire, he was a throw-back to the seventies, white boy 'fro and all.  The guy in front of her when she turned around was in 80's gay cowboy gear so he was even if his buddy wasn't.

Riley got Tara and him a drink, sitting down again.  "I can't believe how easy they do that."

"It's practice," she said quietly.  "Plus he does look nice tonight."

"Maybe," Riley said dryly.  "I don't look at guys."

She glared at him.  "Neither do I."  He backed down on that point.  "Buffy's going."  He groaned, going to back her up.  She shook her head, taking a sip of her drink.  She looked at Spike, who was studying the crowd.  "Anything really dangerous outside of whatever is dancing with Xander?"

"Not yet," he admitted.  "But when the door opens I can smell something."  She nodded. He stiffened, looking around.  "Get out now, go out the back way with the whelp."

"We can help."

"Not this time.  Fireheads."  She took her drink with her, tapping Xander on the way past him.  He stared.  She nodded.

He nodded.  "My buddy needs to talk.  Get some air with us?  I promise, nothing funny," he told his dance partner.

She shrugged.  "Sure, why not.  You're too cute to be some serial killer guy."  She followed him out into the alley.  "What's going on?"

Buffy finished dusting the other vamp and Tara leaned over to whisper in her ear, getting a nod.  "Damn, those gangs of arsonists," she sighed, heading inside.

Xander looked at Tara.  "Fireheads?"  She nodded.  "Crap."  He took off his jacket and handed it over, jogging inside to catch Buffy.  Too late, two were inside.  He paused at the bar.  "Those guys set a club on fire by the college," he told the bartender.

"Okay.  I'll watch 'em."

"Watch the crowd, make sure they can get out?"  He pounced one, driving him back outside.  His friend screeched and followed.  "Damn, I could use a weapon," he complained.  He kicked one back at Buffy, knocking her into her demon, and that one fell, rolling over her while she ducked to the side.  "Sorry."

"S'okay, I'll kick you later," she said.  "Could use a sword myself."  He tossed her his large hunting knife.  "That may work but we'll be a wreck."

"Dry cleaning bills, yay," he said flatly, taking a swing at the next one.  Spike had two more that were trying to drive him back.  "Spike?"  He ducked the one the vampire threw at him.  "Good job, behind you, footing."  Spike glanced then moved around the dead body that would trip him.  Buffy finished cutting off the head of the one she was fighting so Xander kicked his newest one.  No moving backward.  He advanced and hit it back, little movement.  He shoved it, that worked.  She got it from behind and cut off the head with less sawing this time.  He dove in to help Spike's fighting, ducking one of the vampire's wide swings.

"Eww," Buffy said, brushing at her skirt.  She heard a bad noise and looked around.  "Company."

"Yay us," Xander said, grabbing the one by the neck that had ducked to avoid a blow and heaving until the demon screamed and went to his knees.  Then he kicked him in the head.  "Dress pants, not good for a fight," he quipped, starting to pant.  He heard the bad noise too.  Not sirens thankfully.  No, this was reinforcements of some kind.  "Crap.  Tara and Riley are in the alley."

Riley came jogging over, tossing Buffy a sword.  He took on one of the ones Xander and Spike had.  "Sorry, had to hit your car, Xander."

"That's fine as long as it's closed back up again."  Buffy's sword got knocked out of her hand so he grabbed it as it skidded nearby, stabbing the other one and tossing it back to her with a grin.  He looked at the reinforcements coming their way.  "Yeah, this is not good.  Riley, did you get anything else out?  Like say a flare?"

"Nope.  Sorry."

"Buffy, leave that one alive."

"They're probably working together."   She looked up.  "Oh, non flamey sorts."  She kicked that demon back into them since he was trying to manifest some fire.  The two nearest to where he landed went up.

Spike lit a cigarette and tossed his spare lighter in the middle of the group, letting them all duck backward as it exploded.  That brought down more of them. None of them screamed, which was odd.  "Suicide pack," Spike decided.

"Yay them," Buffy said, staring at them.  The fire went out really fast and only one was left pouting.  She shrugged.  "Next time, jump into it if you want to go that badly."

"Fine."  She huffed off.

Buffy looked at Xander.  "You're covered."

"I know," he admitted, looking at himself.  "I'll remember this and change next time."  He found his phone, texting Tara.  She came over with his jacket.  "Let's head to clean up?"  They nodded.  This was Sunnydale, no one would mind the dead demon bodies lying there.  Or the ashes.

"I might miss that lighter," Spike complained.

Xander looked at him.  "It cost you two bucks at the pawn shop.  Get a new one."  He handed him two bucks.  "There, from my soda fund."  Spike laughed, tucking it into his pocket.  "How did you avoid being gooed when we didn't?"

"I ducked," he said bluntly.  "Made 'em bleed while bending over too."

Buffy looked at him.  "Not even I'm that good, Spike."  He smirked at her.  She looked at Tara.  "Coming over?"

"Maybe.  Need me to?"

"I don't mind.  We'll have movies.  Riley?"

"Sure, I don't mind, Buffy.  I'm not messy."

Xander kept his mouth shut.  Buffy would kick his ass if he let out the thought he was having.  He glanced at Tara, then Spike.  Apparently they were thinking the same thing by the looks on their faces.  He took his car keys back from Riley and headed for home.  It was closer than the shop or Buffy's.  Good thing Riley didn't know he had weapons there too.  He'd hate to embarrass the poor guy.  Xander walked into his building, finding his manager growling at someone else. "'Scuse me, don't want to get in the way."

"Harris!" he snapped, making Xander pause to look at him.  "We don't allow pets."

"I don't have pets."

He pointed at his feet.  "What are those then!"

Xander looked down then at him.  "There's nothing there."

"There's puppies!"

Xander shrugged after looking again, moving all around him.  "Where?"  He looked at the other resident.  "Do you see dogs?"

"No, I don't.  What happened to you?"

"Car broke down on the way back."  He walked up the stairs shaking his head.  "Puppies?"  He walked into his apartment, locking it back up.  He checked again, no puppies sneaking around his feet.  Maybe it was fumes from the goo?  That made *no* sense, even in this town.  He took off his shirt on the way to the shower but an idea hit him.  He grimaced.  "Let me shower," he told himself.  "Before I smell like this forever."  The idea kept going but he itched, he stunk, and he could type while air drying naked.  No matter what his muses wanted, he was going to get a shower.  He yelled in frustration, going to start the idea going then take a shower so it'd leave him alone for a few moments.  He finally got a shower a few hours later.  Some days his muses were not amusing.

***

Xander slid into the booth, grinning at his usual editor.  "Hi, Donnie."

"Hi," he said cautiously.  "Why do you have that 'up to no good' look most teenagers have?"

"Because if my muses don't shut up, I'm finding them a new home."

"Ah.  One of those marathons."

"We're both damn lucky I didn't get fired."

"Sorry," he offered with a small wince.  "So, anything *good* come of it?"

"Total crap, like usual."  He handed over the USB key.  "One's fairly dark, one's kinda funny."

He ran the stories on his notebook computer, staring at him.  "The third?"

"Muse spew due to finding Anya cheating."

"Then I won't return her calls later after all."  He looked up.  "Speaking of, why was she surrounded by bells?"

"Maybe she went to church," he said with a smirk.

"I don't want to know, do I?"

"Nope.  Though she did make a wish that I'd get really well known, get groupies, and then hopefully get tired of them and take her back."

"There's very few author groupies."

"I know that.  Half of them are at conventions."

"Clearly way too much caffeine, Xander."

"Yeah, well, if they'd let me sleep I wouldn't need so much to function right now."

"Take a benadryl."

"Can't.  Got knocked in the head the other night.  The muses were even more active that night but I had to go back and fix a lot of typos for you."

"Thank you for that."  He glanced over the dark piece.  Yeah, that was seriously dark.  He looked at him.  "Most people want fluffy, emo vampires, Xander."

"I'd like that one to move off my couch so they could have him too," he said with a small shrug.  "His last real girlfriend was like that story.  So are most of the ones I know.  I also included from the human side of things."

"You went to goth clubs for research?"

"No, I went to a goth club to stake a vampire," he said, giving him a look.

The older man looked around then at him.  "I know what you do, kid.  I remember the ulcer I got when you accidentally sent me your journal."

Xander grinned.  "It was work related."

"Uh-huh."  He went back to glancing over it, then at the page count.  "Damn, how many weeks did this take to write?"

"Have you ever heard of those 'hundred page days'?" he asked dryly.

"Twice and both times they were going insane," the editor said dryly.

"Donnie, you have *no* idea and it's all Spike's fault.  That's why I want him off the couch."

"Uh-huh."  He went into the 'muse spew' one and stared at him.  "More of that triumvirate?"  Xander nodded.  "Someone compared it to Kindred."

"I wrote the first one before I learned about Kindred, the card game version.  The second-in-command is based on my ex Cordy's father."

"I remember you telling me about her.  How is she doing?"

"She's working with my friend's ex here in town while going on any auditions she can find open."

"That is the glamorous side of acting," Donnie said sarcastically.  "It's what made me decide I did not want to act and wait tables at the same time."

"I don't know, you probably could've charmed your way into huge tips," Xander teased with a smirk.  His editor smirked back, but looked a bit evil.  "Plus they say waiters get all the good, higher class, easy chicks."  He sipped his coffee.

"I didn't in high school, kid."

"Yeah but back then I doubt you wore Ralph Lauren suits and had two hundred dollar spa treatments."

"That's a good point."  He went back to his glancing over.  The boy was watching around them.   It was an interesting story.  Clearly still a bit dark but with some humor.  He switched to the one that had to be funnier.  That one....  He stared at his favorite near-teen writer.  "Elves?"

"Of little morals.  There's a reason why all those elves were too pretty to be anything but gay, Donnie."

He moaned.  "You're insane."

"It's lack of sleep."

"Someone asked about the romance you write right after you and Cordy broke up."

"Then I was upset.  This time I'm just pissed."

"Is that why she found faith?" Donnie quipped.  Xander gave him a pointed look and the older man paled.  "Xander?" he asked quietly.  Xander tipped his head a bit to the right.  Donnie ran his hands through his hair.  "That bad?"

"Her last six months of her little black book was thicker than your rolodex.  Her and my best friend?  Yeah, I got a bit pissed."  He smiled sweetly.  "Willow's having some fun too."

"Oooh.  I'm sorry."

"Not your fault.  I have no idea why I get women like her all the time."  He finished his drink.  "So, they look okay?  Promising?  Really horrible since it's coming out like a river of word diarrhea?"

"Not bad.  A bit worse than your usual.  Is this going to keep up?"

"Anya did wish fame and notoriety on me," he quipped, standing up.  "Let me know when I can start rewrites."  He put down money for his drink and left him there.

Donnie smoothed out his hair.  Things were never boring when Xander was around.  At least it was being resolved in interesting, profitable ways.

***

Buffy wandered around Xander's apartment, waiting on him to change.  "I don't see any books of yours," she called.  He came out without his overshirt on but in his hand, handing her the magazine he usually submitted to before putting it on.  "I thought you collected those."

"I did, but only because I get those copies free," he said with a smirk.  "Anya and I had to have a talk about that too when she tried to throw them out."

"She decided it made you more money?"

"She decided that some day I could write things that would make more money.  Now I was just practicing."  He smirked.  "You can borrow it."

"I'll do that after patrol.  That way nothing gets slimed."  She put it back and walked out with him.  Riley was going to meet them at the shop.  "How's the school coming?"

"Clean up's half done. The boss hates it when we find new parts of the former mayor.  One guy swore up and down that a part he found moved so I kindly tossed it in the burn pile for that night and set it on fire early."  She smirked at that.  "I don't know whether or not it was but I didn't want to risk him regenerating really slowly.  The guys all felt better so now we burn the parts we find each night."

"I guess that's a good thing."

"Probably, yeah."  He smirked at her then they walked around the corner into an ambush.  Tara was grinning like mad.  "Hmm, looks like the ho ho fairy showed up often in your life today.  Good news?" he asked, smiling and giving her a hug.

"The best news!"  She bounced some.  "My paper got accepted.  That means that I'm able to use it for some of my hours."

"Congrats," Buffy said.  "I'm dreading my senior thesis paper in my major.  I don't know why they make us do the stupid thing anyway."  She walked off, letting them follow.  "I still have no idea what I'm doing it on."

"Mythology?" Xander suggested.  "Female roles in it?"

"That might not be so bad.  I can cite myself," she quipped.

"You can cite some of our more mundane research," Tara added.

"Giles probably has a lot of books," Xander agreed.

"I might do that."  They walked into the shop, finding Riley waiting on them.  "Tara's senior paper got accepted," she said.

"Congrats, Tara.  Mine about drove me nuts."  She beamed at him.  "If you need help finding the right research in psychology, let me know.  I've still got all those books in storage."

"Thank you."  She beamed at Giles, who smiled back.  "I might need a book ordered."

"I'll see what I can find for you."  She nodded.  "Why are we gathered tonight?"

"The oh so fun patrol after the huge senior year's first party," Xander said dryly.  "Which spilled from one house to four others and the cops actually stopped it."

"That had to be really noisy," Riley said with a smirk.

"Yeah, it went from 'just seniors drinking and doing stupid things' to 'even the geeks can come'," Buffy told him.  "Plus some loser college kids who were looking for a party to be at.  We've got at least seven buried today, we need to swing by both funeral homes, and the morgue just in case, and I've still got an english test at two tomorrow."

"You and Riley hit the cemeteries, Spike is at Willie's.  I'll pick him up and make him help me do the funeral homes and morgue then meet you at Riverside?"

She nodded.  "That'll work since the first two only had one or two burials and the rest were there."  She grabbed gear and walked off with Riley, getting his ideas on her paper.  She needed all the help she could get.

Xander looked around.  "SPIKE!" he bellowed.  He came up out of the basement.  "Patrol."

"M'not your lap dog," he sneered.

Xander stared back.  "Time to pay the rent for the couch," he shot back.  Spike groaned.  He smirked.  "At least I'm not making you pay it on your back, Spike," he quipped.  "A guy gets used to daily sex with Anya around."

"I'd.  Kill.  You," Spike said slowly and clearly.  But he was smirking back too.

Xander just beamed.  "You'd have to provide references before I believe you're that good.  Especially since you'd be taking it."

"I believe I want a drink now," Giles moaned.  He went to his office to get away from those two.  "Have a good patrol."

Spike snickered.  "Good one."

Xander beamed.  "Thank you.  C'mon, funeral homes, morgue, then Riverside to get the rest."

"I heard.  You told her I was at Willie's?"

"Yup, sure did.  That way she and Riley could take off."  He walked off with him, going on their nightly jaunt of fun and fighting.  Once they were alone he looked around then at him.  "I think we've got another inter-Scoobie problem," he said quietly.

"Why?"

"I don't want her in Willie's until *after* she finds out that Melissa will be coming to see if she wants a wish too."  Spike stopped to stare at him in horror.  Xander nodded.  "Have you seen his neck?  I did earlier and there's no way he's been bitten that many times on patrol.  On both sides?  Without us noticing?"

"Hell," Spike muttered.  "I didn't notice.  I can smell him, see who it is."

"Please.  We'll have to cushion her."

Spike nodded.  "A lot."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Any other good news?" he asked sarcastically.

"My editor buddy is very happy that I gave him an excuse to duck a family reunion.  The landlord swore up and down that I had puppies again.  Got the letter earlier saying he was going to evict me for it.  So we'll have a short court date."  Spike nodded at that.  "Have you seen puppies around me?"

"No.  Haven't," he admitted.

"Hmm."  Xander shrugged, pointing.  "Snack alert."  They went to save the teenager and kept going on their patrol.

***

Xander looked at the judge, then shrugged.  "I haven't had a puppy since I was four.  I have no idea what he's talking about.  I don't even have stuffed dogs in the house."

"He does have them and they're still around him," the landlord complained.

The judge looked.  "I'm not seeing any puppies, sir."

"It's probably some freaky cult thing!" he shouted.  "We all know he's in one with those girls!  His last ex clearly wasn't normal!" he sneered at Xander.  "Did you kill her?"

"No, I think she's presently at a nun's retreat," he said blandly.  "Do you see any puppies?" he asked the judge.  "I've been trying to figure this out for days.  I shouldn't be held responsible for his delusions."

"No, you shouldn't.  Though I'd advise you move anyway, Mr. Harris."

"I'm finding a place right now but I'll be damned if I'm going to be evicted for things I'm not doing."

"No, I don't believe that would suit the law."  He looked at the landlord.  "It's too bad I can't commit you for a mental health check.  Case dismissed, there is no eviction."  He banged his gavel, shaking his head as the young man left.  He had no idea why that landlord was so odd now.  He didn't used to be.

Xander walked out and found Tara waiting.  "You could have come in."

"It didn't involve me," she said quietly.

"We're good."  He walked her off.  "The judge didn't see the puppies either."

She smiled.  "That's good news.  There's a few nicer open ones in your price range."

"Cool beans."  He grinned.  "My boss heard why and he nearly laughed himself sick.  He warned me not to tell the crew, they'd get me a stuffed dog."  His phone beeped so he pulled it out of his pocket and answered it.  "Yeah?"  He grinned.  "Hey, Donnie. What's up?"  He nodded slowly.  "No.  A few friends played the card game and introduced me in eleventh grade, after that got to you.  Besides, it has nothing in common with them.  There's no other clans, nothing.  It's more based on the mafia idea than not."

He heard him repeat that and the guy groaned.  "Did he not read that?  No, those two aren't related.  They're not in the same universe."  He smirked.  "Hey, I can write them multiple ways, thank you, and they're still not in the same universe.  Because it's my work and I said so," he told the idiot who barged into the conversation.  "That one was to get my frustration out.  Yes, I know that.  No.  Do you know how many people named Nathan there are in the world?" he demanded.

"Fine, I'll rename him but it's still not based anywhere near that concept.  I didn't learn about yours until well after that first one was written.  In fact, that's based in the new longer series, which is in a different world completely."  He smirked.  "Yup, it's in there.  If Donnie hasn't gotten that far yet, it's in chapter seven I think.  Maybe eight.  I had to renumber once."  Donnie said he still missed a number.  "Sorry.  Search it for Tlar."

He did that and read the scene, making the other person moan.  "See, not in Kindred's world at all!"  He smirked.  "Thank you for bringing this to my attention.  Yes, they do tend to live in sire/child bonds and some do live in multi-generation enclaves for togetherness, help hunting, and protection.  Because they'd have enemies too."  The man apparently stomped out.  "Thanks, Donnie.  Anything good come of it?"  He smirked.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "I guess it's good that someone thinks I'm too close to another idea," he said dryly.

She patted him on the hand.  "It'll be okay."  He nodded it would be and they headed to look at new apartments together since he had the afternoon off.  He'd have to make it up Saturday but that was fine.  He could even miss his overtime this week.

***

Xander heaved the last box into the apartment and stopped to stare.  It was all unpacked.  It was arranged.  Not how he'd want it but he knew who had done it.  "Willow's here," he called down the hallway to Tara.

She came in with the last suitcase, looking around with a sigh.  "I think she is."  She put the suitcase into the bedroom.

Xander put the box in the kitchen.  It was kitchen stuff.  That's why it was so heavy.  He put the food away then turned to find her coming in off his small balcony.  "Thank you for unpacking so I can rearrange things later."

"Not a problem.  The placement's just a suggestion."  She smiled.  "Are you going to be okay out here?"

"I'll be fine.  Why wouldn't I?"

"You're further away from us."

"I'm like two blocks from Joyce's."

"Oh."  She sat on his new bar stool, looking at him.  "I'm sorry."  He shrugged.  "Fine, you won't forgive me."

"Nope.  Not yet."

"Fine."  She smiled as Tara came out.  "Hi."

"Hi."  She looked at Xander.  "We still have to clean your old place."

"Tomorrow."

She smiled.  "That'd work.  I sprayed the scrubbing bubbles stuff on the shower before we left since it needed to be done so badly."

"I was about ready to regrout it on the landlord anyway," Xander admitted.  "I can go rinse it off in a few hours."  She nodded at that.  He looked at Willow again.  "So, why show up?"

"Buffy said we're doing the housewarming today."

"Tomorrow, but yeah.  Unless she's buying pizzas today I don't get paid until tomorrow."

"Huh."  She shrugged.  "I don't know.  I can call."

"Sure.  You do that.  Let me go wash off the shower cleaner."  He glanced at Tara, who came with him.  Once outside he looked at it.  "It did save us a lot of work."  She nodded.  He nudged her with a shoulder.  "You okay?"

"I'm fine."  She smiled at him.  "We'll be okay.  I can stay friendish with her."

"Good."  He found a vamp up the street and staked him after knocking him down without warning to pickpocket him.  "Hmm, nothing good on him."  He got the next one, who was wearing a suit and tie.  That one was a lot easier.  Had a lot more cash too.  He held up the wallet.  "Pizza?"

"Maybe."  She stared at him.  "That's wrong."

He smirked.  "They're vampires.  They won't need it in the land of dust."

"They never do," Riley admitted as he walked up to them.  "Pickpocketing the vamps?"

"Yup, since Buffy decided we're having the housewarming tonight and I don't get paid until tomorrow."

"I thought she had that wrong," he admitted.  "Anything going on?"

"Shower cleaner at my last place.  Willow unpacked."

"I got the shower cleaner when I walked in and smelled it," Buffy said, walking up behind Riley.  She smirked.  "Did I get it wrong?"

"Yeah, but I pickpocketed a vamp.  So we can still have pizza while I set up the stereo."

"Cool.  I could use a night off."

"Willow's there," Tara blurted then groaned.

Buffy sighed.  "We'll figure it out, Tara.  You know we will."  Tara nodded, walking off with Riley behind her.  Xander stopped her from moving though.  She stared at him.  He scratched a spot on his neck.  She shook her head.  He nodded.  "No way," she hissed.

"Buffy, I don't even have scars like that and he's got a fresh bite," he said quietly.  "Spike and I suspected but we weren't going to come to you until we figured out what was going on."

She nodded once.  "I'll talk to him later."

"You can talk to him in our place, just don't get me kicked out for the yelling."

"I won't."  She walked off with him.  "Anything good on the vamp?"

"Accountant.  Very organized billfold with about six hundred in it."

"Oooh, shoes," she moaned.

"Nope, sorry," he shot down with a grin.  "Mine.  Get your own."

"I taught you to stake."

"Telling me the pointy end goes in the heart isn't teaching and Giles did that."

"Damn."

He patted her on the arm.  "I might buy ice cream but I know how you shoe shop.  You want to shop that badly, go find an enclave."

"Fine."

He smirked.  "Someone came to my editor wanting to talk about how close I was to some specific books already on the market.  I had to shoot it down."

"Is that good or bad?"

"It means that they can market it toward them better than just doing a general one.  I even based a character off Cordy's dad.  She cackled when she saw that one."  He let her into his apartment.  "We're here."

"Pizzas are ordered," Riley said.  "Plain pepperoni because I know the girls wanted it."

"That's fine.  I have canned onions if I need to add some."

Buffy shook her head.  "Onions, eww."  She looked around.  "Xander....."  He pointed at Willow.  "Let's rearrange things, Riley."

"Big couch goes where the coffee table is.  Tv goes on the wall," Xander ordered.

"It hangs up?" she asked.  He nodded.  "Wow."

He smirked.  "I found it on major sale.  Tara, help me move the desk?"  She nodded, helping him move it where he wanted.  Then they decided to turn it around so he could stare outside but he'd have to turn painfully to watch tv.  That way when he wanted to write he could hear it but not see it immediately and distract himself.

Buffy and Riley moved the couches.  He wanted the smaller loveseat in another spot but she ended up winning that debate because she could move it on her own.  "So, Xander, editor?"

"Yeah.  The guy who sends me info on books that people want to have written for them suggested I sign on with an editing service to polish my stuff.  I'm not the most grammatically correct writer always.  Donnie gets it, I get it back to fix what he fixed, then give it to him for a reread and minor edit.  Then we send it to wherever.  The magazine, the agent to shop around."

"When did you get an agent?" Willow asked.

"After my second publishing thing and I talked to the guy I submitted through about something that was too long for them that I had done.  He suggested it.  Since I had been published, it made things easier.  He knows who to send the longer stuff to so it might be included somewhere like an anthology.  I lucked out and found Donnie first and he told me who to go see.  I went to a few different editors before he and I clicked.  He's even been mugged by a vampire," he joked with a grin.  "He and Chuck work pretty closely trying to make me write stuff that's more 'modern taste' than some of my stuff."

"That would probably sell faster," Riley admitted.

"Maybe but I can't write emo vampires."

Buffy snickered.  "I saw that book advertised."

He nodded.  "I read it, I'm not sure why but Donnie suggested I read it to see what was selling.  I told him where she got it wrong and he groaned but agreed."  He shrugged, taking money out of the new wallet to pick up the pizzas from the delivery guy.  Instead he found an officer.  "What?"

"Mr. Harris, we saw you pickpocketing someone," he said smugly.

"Prove it since that person doesn't exist and never made a report."

The officer gaped.  "Excuse me?"

"I do not know where you guys get your delusions but apparently your cousin's from the puppies have spread.  There was no one there."

"We saw it on tape."

Xander snickered.  This was the new guy to the department, it figured.  Most of the old ones only wanted to ruin Buffy for taking down the Mayor.  "Prove it.  Let me see the tape."  The officer grumbled but he went with him to view it with Buffy.  That way she could nag if he got into trouble.  Xander pointed at the monitor when it was done.  "What pickpocketing?"

The officer growled.  "I saw you.  There was a person there!" he told his boss.  Willow had apparently called him about false accusations and the press coming down on them.  They were under a state review at the moment and jumpy because of it.

"You saw me practicing something for a new story," Xander corrected.  "Not me pickpocketing invisible people."

The head officer glared at him.  The state review guy coughed.  "Clearly there was no crime," he said quietly.  The head officer slumped and nodded.  "Have a good night and I'm sure they're sorry for inconveniencing you based on a sight illusion."

"It's cool," Xander promised.  "Happens now and then."  He walked off with Buffy, shaking his head.

"New guy," she snorted once they were outside.  They walked back to the new place.  "You sure about that, Xander?"

"Yup.  Look at his neck, Buffy.  He has more scars than Spike did from the week he said it took Dru to turn him."

"Damn."

"Get him shirtless later and discover them."  She beamed at that idea.  "Not the first time I'm sure," he teased.

"Nope.  I guess I was more concerned about other things before."  She shrugged.  "We'll see.  Maybe he's in thrall or something."

"Maybe," Xander agreed.  Not that he agreed but it was important for her to have that hope.  Otherwise they'd see her going dark and killing Riley 'I let vampires suck me off' Finn. "Look at it this way, Buffy.  He didn't have Anya."

"Which makes me very happy," she assured him.  They opened the door of the building and locked it behind them, going up to his new place.  "This one is seriously bigger and has more light," she said, nodding in appreciation.

"I'll have light curtains up in a few days," Xander said with a grin.  "Sunlight can be annoying when I'm trying to do things."  He ignored the idea that came at that line, eventually writing it on the pad on the fridge.

"I think it's nice your muses are stronger than I am," Buffy teased.

He smirked back.  "You have no idea."  He looked around.  "Willow, where's the comic and magazine collection?  Buffy wanted to borrow one."

She grimaced.  "They're childish, Xander."

"The comics are worth money," he said impatiently.  "And the magazines are ones I submitted to."  She grumbled but went to get them out of the dumpster before he did mean things to her.  Xander looked at Buffy.

"I'll keep her on a short leash," she promised.  "You know sometimes she acts without thinking, Xander.  We all do."

"The sad thing is that she knew that," Tara said dryly.  "Xander, you might want to mention your *collection*," she said dryly.

He walked out onto the balcony.  "And the smut you threw out too, Willow.  Bring up everything you threw out."  He went back inside to get some pizza.  "Movie?"

"Please.  I want to see that screen in action," Buffy said lightly.  He grinned at that, going to make sure it was properly hooked up.  It was, so apparently Riley or Willow had done it.  "Put in something funny?"

"Sure.  Lethal Weapon?"

"That'll work," Riley agreed.  "It even has a few mushy moments for the girls."

Xander opened the case then a few more until he found it.  "Sorry, case roulette."  He popped it in and handed Tara the remotes, moving the pizzas out to the coffee table for now.  Plus cans of soda so they wouldn't have to get up.  He sat down, watching Willow float boxes up, considering what she had objected to in *his* place.  Someday he'd have to remind her she wasn't his mother.  Who really hadn't cared if he had porn or not.  He mentally counted.  "That leaves how many?" he asked when she sat down.

"None."

Tara sighed and floated up the last three boxes, putting them in the kitchen since it had linoleum and they were messy from the dumpster.  "I think that's all of them.  All that I tagged anyway."

He went to look and grab his other two, of smut of course.  He didn't care what Willow liked at the moment.

"That's dirty," she complained.

He shrugged.  "I'm single.  I can read as many Playboys as I want, Willow."

She glared.  "It's not healthy for you."

"We like him doing it that way.  The next girlfriend might get worse again," Buffy complained.  "If he wants porn and stuff, it's his choice, Willow.  It's his house and I'm sure he won't be sharing with us girls."

"I did give Tara a naked girl pictorial when she was pouting after that science test but she tried to beat me for it," Xander quipped.

"I nearly managed it too but he ducked too often," Tara assured her, cracking Buffy up.

Willow glared at him.  "You're corrupting her."

Xander smirked at her.  "Unless you want dropped off that balcony, I'd behave and not hurt Tara again," he mouthed.  She slumped and turned around again.  He went back to checking.  "I think Spike took last month's."

"He did," Buffy said dryly.  "Mom was cackling about him reading it."  She shook her head.  "Mom's got strange tastes in humor these days."

Riley nodded.  "Definitely."  He put an arm around her shoulders.  She snuggled into his side.  It was nice.  "Which is the new couch, Xander?"

"The loveseat.  That one's had the cushions replaced by some I found in the thrift shop."  He came out with another soda for him and Tara.  "The desk is new.  So's the coffee table.  Both on massive sale.  The tv was on massive sale too since they're discontinuing the brand."  He opened his can and took a sip.  "All together it took about a paycheck worth."

"Not bad considering the tv should've cost that much," Riley admitted.  Xander grinned at that.  "Have Tara help?"

"Of course.  She's reasonable when she helps me shop.  Unlike Buffy, who makes me help her shoe shop.  Or dress shop."

"Mom won't let me shop right now," she said with a small pout.

"Maybe if you donate some of your older stuff or get it ruined on patrol," Xander offered.

"She's really good at getting goo out," she said with a small shrug.  "It means less things get ruined.  I'm almost a full season behind now."

"The holidays are coming.  Maybe you'll get some gift cards," Tara said.

"That could be nice.  Maybe to the mall?"  Tara smiled at that.  "Not to be hinting or anything."

"Of course not," Riley agreed.  "It's very practical and lets you figure out what you want to get on your own."

"Plus you can drag your mom along for some mom/daughter time," Xander offered.  "Without her wincing at the pain in her credit card."

She pinched him but smiled for that suggestion.  "She might like that."  She shifted, snickering at the guys on the screen saying they were too old to be doing that.

"Yeah, I've had a few mornings like that too," Riley assured her with a grin.

"You?  I'm ancient for a slayer."

Xander pinched her back.  "And still don't look legal."

She poked him.  "I am so legal."

"Yeah, because I didn't serve you with your really bad fake ID," he said dryly.

"We will not be mentioning that again," she said firmly.

He smirked.  "Sure I won't."

She poked him extra-hard.  "Meany.  Tara, you need to make him more cookies.  He's getting mean from lack of sweets."

Willow choked.  "That clearly didn't come out right."

"Tara's been my idea bouncer," Xander said dryly.  "And she has been making cookies in my ovens, Buffy.  Just not chocolate chip ones."

"You ran out," Tara reminded him.

"I'll buy some more when I make it grocery shopping."

Tara looked at him.  "Those muses of yours are being mean."

He shrugged.  "I'm making it to work on time again now that the gay elf one is done."  She snickered at that.  "What?  He looks like one, even if he is sleeping with half the universe in his world."

Willow stared at him.  "You write smut?"

"No.  I write sci-fi/fantasy but people still get sex there too.  It means more people, especially teenage boys, want to read it.  I gave them a very good, geeky hero who gets a lot of evil chicks and there's even a temple of Cordy-ites there for him to long after because they're supposedly pure."  Buffy burst out cackling, hiding her head in Riley's chest to smother it.

"It's really sad that the temple's pure little girls pick on him sometimes and then they give him come-on looks to encourage him to 'rescue them' but they get him in trouble if he does," Tara told her.  "It's really funny, Buffy."

"I'll read it sometime."

"I'll give you my promo copy," he assured her with a grin.  "Donnie's still giggling about those three.  Even though he does want me to have emo vampires in space instead of more realistic ones."

"Emo vampires?" Buffy snickered.  "Why?"

"He said they're hot right now."  He shrugged.  "I can't read them without giggling my ass off.  Get this, one *sparkles* in *sunlight*," he said, making her fall onto the floor giggling.  "Yeah, that's what I thought too."

"Are they killable?" Riley asked.  "They may be some strange cross-species that we haven't seen yet."

Buffy snickered, shaking her head.  "If so I'm sure their heads come off."

"I couldn't get far enough in to see how they died.  There are werewolves against them though."

Buffy shook her head, climbing back into her spot.  "I should get Giles that one so he can giggle too."  He got up and found it on the shelf, handing it to her as he sat down with a new piece of pizza.

She flipped through it.  "Looks like something girls would like."

"Yup but the heroine's a bit weak and whiny in my thoughts.  But who knows what girls like to read.  They like Barbie and she's unrealistic too."

"Yeah, I wanted a body like hers once until Mom showed me how bad it was."  She put the book in her lap.  Maybe she'd read it first.  She could use some good humor in her life.  The movie finally ended and the Scoobies clapped.  "Put in part two, Xander?"

"Let me find it."  He got up to find the movie while Tara put the first one away.  "I really have got to quit playing case roulette."

Tara nodded.  "Could help with your CD's too, Xander."  She handed it to him.  He grinned and put it in, sitting down again.  It was comfy, even if Willow was there.  Xander and Buffy would leash Willow if she started to cause trouble or upset her.  If Riley didn't just throw her off the balcony.  He looked like the sort.

***

Joyce walked into her daughter's room, giving her very strange daughter a look.  "Why are you laughing that loudly at two in the morning?"

"Sparkling," she howled, tossing the book while she rolled around and giggled.

Her mother read the first few pages, shaking her head.  Buffy was still snickering as she got up to find a page for her mother, making Joyce laugh too.  "Okay, I agree, this is very funny."

"I should taunt Spike with it," she said with a huge grin.  "Xander got it from his editor person because he said emo vampires are cool right now and wants Xander to write them instead of more realistic, grr ones.  I thought I'd read it and then give it to Giles."

"He could probably use the laugh too."  She handed it back.  "Let me have it first."

"Sure, Mom," she agreed with a smile.  Her mother went back to bed.  That had been a good reason to wake up to.  Buffy climbed back into bed to go back to reading.  It was *funny*!  Even if she did think the heroine should just knock him down, take what she wanted, and then walk off into the sunset with someone more manly.  At least her boyfriends were manly and not wimps.  That gave her an evil thought.  She'd have to tell Cordelia to get the book so she could taunt Angel.  He could use some good taunting time to keep him from getting too happy again.

***

Xander sat down across from his favorite editor a few weeks later, giving him a grin.  "The muses let up enough that I made it to work on time all week, and actually made it to the store to get groceries instead of letting me run out for two days and having to eat take out while defending myself from the takeout delivery boys."

"Congrats.  Does that mean I have more work?"

"If you want," he offered with a grin.  "Tara loved Tral."

"I liked him a lot too.  He reminds me of you," he teased with a smirk.

"Now and then but I only date dangerous women it seems."  He winked at the waitress, who blushed.  "I need a new girlfriend.  Are you dangerous?"

"I'm a good girl," she said, walking off with a swish.

Xander grinned at him.

"You're really happy today."  Xander handed over the USB keychain.  "Thanks.  I sent your agent the last three and he was very happy."

"I didn't get back post-edits?"

"Two of them need some but he wanted to see them before you did this time.  He should be calling this week."

"Cool."  He sipped his coffee, letting Donnie glance over those two.

Donnie looked at him.  "Isn't that your ex Cordy?"

"Yes.  She'd be amused at the temples."

"I'm sure she will be."

"I'm introducing her to emo vampires later on at Buffy's orders.  That way she can giggle too.  Buffy nearly hurt herself with that one."

"I'm glad I could amuse the scary girls around you.  Any other traumas going on?  I see this one has some angst."

"Willow showed up at the apartment welcoming party.  Threw out my smut and my collection of what've I've got published."  Donnie shuddered.  "She had to crawl into the dumpster to fix it too.  Or I was going to throw her into the dumpster because of it.  Buffy's sad but we're not looking forward to her kicking his butt for doing dangerous things on purpose."

"Who?"

"Her boyfriend."

"You guys seem to keep having this problem."

"Yeah, most people in the life do," he admitted.

"I can understand that, kid."  He moved to the second piece.  "Hey, a short one.  Thank you."

"Too many patrols.  It could be longer if someone wanted it to be," he offered.  "Tara loved it."

"I'm sure she did.  It has a strong female lead character.  Who is or isn't a lesbian?"

"No clue," Xander admitted.  "Never went there."

"Ah."

"She's almost like one of the Temple girls in the other one but not quite.  More warrior and less flirty."

"That's fine."  He closed them both, staring at him.  "Your agent was amused that the muses attacked you that way."

He shrugged.  "Unless they're the puppies my last landlord spotted around me, I have no idea."

"If they are, don't tell me that."

"Fine."  He grinned.  "So, anything else good?  Like maybe they sold?"

"No idea."  He shrugged.  "Call Chuck."

"I will.  Thanks, Donnie."  He shook his hand.  "Happy reading."

"Of course.  I'll even remember to not take out any foreshadowing this time.  I had to go back to undo it this last time."  Xander just smirked.  "Go play."

"Fine."  He paid for his drink, winking at the waitress, who giggled at him.  He had to stop at a bookstore.  Then he went to where Cordelia was, strolling inside.  "My beauteous one.  A payment since I have taken the vein of your former sheep in vain."

She snorted.  "Like they'd care."  She looked at the back cover.  "Vampires?  Gee, whatever will I learn from them?" she asked sarcastically, glaring at him.

He leaned down.  "Buffy was cackling so loudly at the first book, the neighbors called the cops and they actually showed up," he said quietly with an evil smirk.

"Really?"

"Yup.  She sends those as well so someone can snort and not get fully happy when you twit him about it," he said quietly.  She gave him a mean smirk back.  He patted her on the head.  "If Chuck calls, since he seems to call you to find me, I'm somewhere.  My phone works again.  The muses have even slowed down for a bit."

She snorted.  "That bad?"

"I handed Donnie three novels in a little over a month, Cordelia.  Only one in something I'd written before."  She moaned.  "Hundred page days," he said bluntly.  "He was amused as well.  Speaking of, Tara loves the new series if you wanted a preview too."  He winked.  "I'm heading home if you hear from him."

"I'll do that.  Are you going to visit Anya?"

"When she wants to talk to me, she'll call," he said.  "You might warn him that Buffy's on the cocoa and ice cream diet for non-cycle reasons so coming up will get angsty, but those vamps, he'll get."  He smirked.  "Donnie wanted me to write like that."  He left, heading for home after a quick stop for a burger.  He was starved since the muses had woken him at four this morning to write some more Tral stalking priestesses.

She leaned back, opening the first book.  She tipped her head to the side.  "Xander does it *so* much better," she decided.  But it was a good enough read.  She didn't like the heroine but that happened.  She was used to stronger women, like her, Buffy, and Joyce.  She kept going, outright laughing at some of the problems that she went through.  Then the part that really made her cackle showed up.  She nearly peed herself.  No wonder Xander had said she could pick on Angel!  Yes, she could do that!

Doyle walked in and looked at her.  "Do I want to know?"  She waved him over, letting him see that line.  He snorted.  "No way."

"Xander showed up with them as a present for me and Angel to read.  Said he'd get the vamps and I'd giggle my ass off like Buffy did."

He checked the cover.  "Some of my students read the first one for class," he said, shaking his head.  "Total shite."

"Well, yeah," she said dryly.  "Can you think about hunting those sort?"

He snorted.  "Definitely.  Plus they do brood.  A lot."  She smirked.  "I'll make sure he reads it," he promised with a smirk.  "He could use the levity."  He walked out to the elevator, going downstairs.  "Angel, Cordelia has a joint present from Xander for you two.  She's reading it now."

"That's fine."  He looked up.  "You look amused and happy."

"That book."  The vampire gave him a curious look.  "You'll have to get it from her.  I don't have a copy of my own."  He went to get a bottle of water from the fridge while Angel went cautiously upstairs.  He could hear the cackling so he knew Angel did.  He smirked at the stairway door.  Yeah, that was a good present.

***

Spike stomped into Xander's apartment, slamming the door.

"You break it, you fix it," Xander grunted, going back to his typing.

"Patrol, whelp.  We've got a lot tonight."

"Six more pages and I'm done.  Get me some stakes and a new t-shirt?"

"Pants too?" Spike prompted.  "Or are you just wearing a t-shirt tonight to scare the demons off?"

Xander glanced down and nodded.  "Could help since I'm in boxers, yeah.  Thanks."  He waved a hand but went back to his typing.  He was nearly there.  Spike pulled the plug on his laptop.  Thankfully his battery was charged.  He saved and went on, finishing within ten more minutes.  He sighed in pleasure.  "That's good but total shit."  He shut down his laptop, putting it in the safe in his desk so he could get dressed.  "Thanks, Spike."

"Wondered why you didn't answer your phone," he said dryly.

"The muses said so.  If it was important, you'd call back."  He pulled on the t-shirt, looking at it. Then he shrugged.  He didn't care if Buffy didn't like his bomber babe t-shirt.  It was comfortable and dark outside of the image.  "I'll tell her you picked it out if she fusses."  He stepped into his sneakers, took the weapons, his cellphone, and walked out.  He came back to get his keys, a donut, and his wallet in case he needed it.  "Sorry, forgot to eat today," he admitted as he walked out, locking the door before bouncing down the stairs.

Spike shook his head.  "We've got to get him some muse venom."

Xander grinned.  "Now and then it's all right.  They agreed they can be this way on the weekends to make up for low word count nights after work and slaying."  He ate his donut in two gulps.  He also ran into the convenience store to get a hot pocket and a soda.  He came out happier.  "That's better.  Good breakfast."

"Only if you're turned," Buffy said from behind them.

He turned to look at her.  "Writing all day.  Missed food."  He finished it off.  He saw her glare at his shirt and pointed at Spike.

"You're letting him dress you now?" she asked.  "Some group news we need to hear?"

"He was only wearing boxers," Spike said dryly.

"Fine.  That stuff still stinks."

"Then it'll draw them since I'm so ham and cheese tasty now," Xander quipped, opening his soda and taking a large gulp.  "Ah.  Much better."  He walked off after Buffy, pulling out his phone to read the missed calls.  "Chuck."  He dialed it, putting it against his ear while he walked and drank.  "Hey," he said between sips.  Buffy looked back at him.  "My writing agent."

"Do you have one for some other reason?" she asked dryly.

"Well, I am handsome enough to act," he shot back with an evil smirk.  "I gave Cordy that set of books."

"I'm sure she'll cackle too.  Probably twit Angel about not being sparkly enough."  She shook her head.  Those two had a strange relationship.

Xander listened to his agent go over what he wanted to talk about.  "Huh," he said.  "Which one did they like?  I like Tral, so does Tara and Donnie, Chuck.  What else did they like?"  He nodded.  "I thought that was absolute crap," he admitted.  "But if they like it that much, go for it.  Yeah, I might be able to but you will be getting more of Tral.  Soon even."  He grinned.  "He gets cutesy too but he does finally get a priestess in part three.  Or he just did earlier.  I have a few more short things that need to hit Donnie in a few weeks and that one.  Yes, on the weekends.  I know it's not good for me, Chuck.  I just ate breakfast and now I'm out helping Buffy."  He finished his soda in two gulps, tossed the cup, and grabbed the stake out of his back pocket to get the one trying to sneak up on him.  "Anyway," he said, seeing Buffy's amused look.  "No Captain Iowa tonight?" he asked her.

She shook her head.  "Nope."

"I am paying attention, Chuck.  Yeah I am.  Isn't that low?  You know what?  Have them test read it before deciding that.  Yes, like the full first three chapters.  Tara said the best stuff was in chapter two.  Thanks, man.  Sure, next weekend?  That'll work.  Thanks."  He hung up.  He checked the missed calls, putting Cordelia's voicemail on speaker, which made Buffy howl with laughter again.  He grinned.  "I knew she'd have fun and he'd understand them very well."  He hung up and put it into his pocket.  "There, all done."

She shook her head, smiling.  "What are you going to do when you get rich and famous?"

"Come back when you need me for major stuff since I'm writing under a pseudonym.  If I get caught, I'll say it's research."

She nodded.  "Cute."

"Yeah, I know, but I'm fun too," he quipped, making Spike groan and her swat him on the arm.  "That was good news."

"From the wish or before?" she asked.

He smirked.  "Before.  That and the award.  Thanks to the award, someone wanted to take a look at some of my longer stuff.  They liked the vampires in space, which Donnie hated and I thought the first was my crappiest piece to date since it was so long ago.  The stuff I like they didn't want to give a test read but I'll get them to do that with the deal for this first one hopefully.  If not, he's got others he can shop that to.  Which means I can update my stereo," he finished with a grin.

"I want a kick ass present if you do make millions," she warned with a grin.

"Of course you do."  He winked.  "We'll see.  I might give you one to the smut shop."

She pinched him.  "Girls don't need smut like that."

He held up a hand with a grin.  "They sent me a letter saying they missed mine and Anya's business.  With a twenty percent off coupon."  She snickered at that, walking off shaking her head.  "Yeah, exactly.  So I can get you one if you want."

"Mom would have multiple cows."

"Joyce could use some good bath time reading too," he quipped.  She snorted, shaking her head.  He grinned at Spike.  "Should I pick you up dirty old man mags or anything?  I know there's a cheesy vampire porno.  I threw out two copies of it."

"No thanks.  Got yours from what you threw out."

Xander shrugged.  "Good for you.  I didn't need it."  He jogged ahead to catch up and get the guy sneaking up on her.  "Oh, hey, Riley," he said once he had him on the ground moaning.  "Next time, tell us it's you so we won't pounce."  He got off him and walked off.

"He's been writing all day," Spike told Riley, hauling him up.  Buffy came back to check him over.  Spike walked off shaking his head.  The sugar was getting to the boy's head.  He hoped that hot pocket kicked in soon.

Buffy smiled.  "He just ate."

"Figures."  He finished dusting himself off.  "Patrol?" he suggested with a smile.

"Sure.  That's what we're here for."  She heard Xander's phone ring and sighed.  "Xander, mind on patrol please?" she asked.  "Before you draw them with that thing?"

"It's Tara."

She sighed and nodded.  "Fine.  She okay?"

He listened then shook his head.  "I'll be there at a run, Tara.  You stay locked in."  He hung up.  "Riley, I need a man's help but you'll do.  Willow's threatening her."  He took off running.  Buffy and Riley followed.

"Spike, tell Giles!" Buffy yelled.  "We might need his help!"

"Okay," he said, wondering what was going on this time.

Buffy outpaced the guys, but she was lighter, faster, and a slayer so of course she did.  She got there in time to hear the campus guards go flying down the hall with a magical hand.  "Willow!" she snapped, making Willow flinch.  "What are you doing!"

"I'm trying to talk to my girlfriend!" she shouted back.

"Clearly, she doesn't feel the same," Xander said as he walked up behind Buffy and around her.  Willow snarled and pulled up magic.  He pulled a gun, pointing it at her.

"Hey, that's mine," Riley complained.

"I know that," Xander told him.  He stared her down.  "Back down, Willow."

"You wouldn't...."

He snorted.  "Really?  You so sure of that?"  She stomped off.  He handed Riley back his gun.  "Go after her, Buffy.  Make sure she can't magic her.  Tara said she was pulling magic to do something."  She nodded, going after their friend.  "Go," he told Riley.  He nodded, moving to help the guards.  Xander knocked on Tara's door.  "Tara, it's me."  He used her spare key; he'd had it since she had kicked Willow out.  He walked inside and closed the door with a kick, locking it.  "There."  She looked up at him, shaking.  "Shhh.  Buffy has her and I nearly shot her."  He carefully moved next to her.  "C'mere."  She started to sob so he pulled her into his arms.  "Shh, I've got you.  No more scary redhead," he soothed, stroking her back.  She was shaking and crying.  He looked at the staring cat.  "C'mon, Miss Kitty."  He picked her up and put her in Tara's lap, letting her cuddle her cat.  She didn't protest too much this time.  Xander let her calm down naturally, just being a good friend for now.  Someone knocked.  "Who is it?" he called.

"I'm the RA on the floor, sir.  Isn't this Miss Maclay's room?"

"She's in shock."  He stood up, letting her curl up on her bed for now.  He peeked outside then let her in.  "Sorry about the disturbance Willow caused."

"It's happened before," she assured him.  "Are you all right, Tara?  We have extra security tonight."

"She'll be coming to stay with me or our friend tonight," Xander said quietly.  She nodded at that.  "Can they keep Willow out?"

"We can try.  I'm not sure if they can do all the entrances though."

"That's why she's coming with us."  She nodded at that.  "Thank you for checking on her.  We worry about her."

"I know I would too.  Boyfriend?"

"Friend.  She's not into me that way.  I see her like a sister."

"Good.  That's always good for a young woman."  She looked at Tara.  "If you want to, there's a form we can help you fill out to report the attempted domestic assault.   It's sad but we have a few on campus every year."

She shook her head.  "They'll take care of her," she said quietly.

"That's fine.  Keep it in mind.  You'll need it to get a DVP against her.  Call if you need help, Tara.  You know where I am."  She left them alone.

Xander locked the door again.  "Pack.  I have that spare bedroom that would look really nice with an anti-magic protective circle on the floor."  She stared at him.  He stared back.  "Want me to pack for you?"  She blushed, shaking her head.  He smiled.  "I can even have cats there."  She smiled, putting Miss Kitty into her carrier.  He called Giles.  "It's me.  I need a ride for Tara to get to my place if you're not busy helping stop Willow."  He nodded.  "Please."  He hung up.  "He'll be right here."  She looked at him.  "I'll fully expect you to put a warding circle around your bed, Tara.  So that no magic can get in there at all."  She nodded at that, adding a few books and a roll of masking tape.  He let her have another hug when she whimpered.  "If she tries shit I'll get her myself," he promised.  "I nearly shot her earlier for this."

She looked up at him.  "Thank you."

He smiled.  "You're my pack," he reminded her gently.  Someone knocked, making him flinch.  "Buffy, that you?"

"Yup."  He opened the door.  "We good?"

"We're taking her to my spare room."

"That makes sense.  You have better security.  Giles is here."  They helped her carry her bags downstairs to the car.  "Coming back?" she asked Xander.

"After I get her settled."

"That's cool.  Thanks."  She watched them drive off, then turned to look at Spike and Riley.  "Willow?"

"In the woods," Riley admitted.  "I lost her."

"Me too," Spike admitted.  "She masked herself."

Buffy nodded.  "We're going to do the sensible thing.  She doesn't need magical equipment tonight.  Not after trying to hurt Tara."  They nodded, going back to her dorm room to remove all of Willow's working supplies, and then Tara's, to Xander's apartment.  It'd be safer there.  Plus she'd nag him about the daily necessities like eating.  That would work out good for both of them.  She paused in her dorm room to call her mom.  "Willow tried to magic Tara," she said when her mother answered.  "She's temporarily moving into Xander's."  She smiled.  "That's why I'm calling, Mom.  Thanks."  She hung up.  "She'll go cuddle her for Xander."  The guys nodded at that.  Joyce was that way.  "Then we'll finish tracking down Willow.  Tonight."  She walked out, the guys following carrying the trunk.  She locked the door and followed them down to Riley's jeep, which was on campus.

***

Xander walked onto the site the next morning with Tara.  "Her girlfriend tried to beat her," he told his boss.  "She's going to be doing my paperwork for me today."

"This isn't a habit, right?" he asked him.  "I understand why but it's not good."

"No.  They're searching for her girlfriend today."

"That's fine.  She can read at your desk."

"She says she can do forms," he said with a smile.  His boss snorted but let them into the trailer.  He put her in his chair, looking at her.  "If the guys come in to gawk, just blush and tell them you're Tara.  I praised your cookies so they may want some."  She blushed, ducking her head.  "Most of the guys are nice.  A few.... not so much.  You'll be okay.  If not, I'll hear and get fired."  He kissed her on the top of the head.  "Rest.  Or try to."  He left, going out to work.  "Guys," he said once he was at the morning meeting.  "I have Tara with me because of her girlfriend being a witch last night.  Don't pick on Tara."

"We won't," one guy said.  "She okay?"

"Still shaky.  We're looking for Willow."  They all smirked at that tone of voice.  He'd used it on a few idiots before.  "Okay, clean up crew one, mine, where are we today, boss?"

"Two, you guys take the pool area."

"Watch out, the office floor was weakened back in my junior year," Xander warned.  Some of them nodded.  "So we've got.... library?"  His boss nodded.  "That's fine.  Get one last drink, guys."  They did that and put on their dust masks and gloves.   He did the same and went inside to clean up more parts.  The Mayor really had made an unholy mess.  Xander paused in the former doorway, staring around.  "This isn't right," he said quietly.  "Guys, no.  Get the boss."

They ran off.  They knew if he said something wasn't right it was a problem.  He had found someone hiding in the basement a few weeks back.  It had scared most of the crew when it turned out to be feral and tried to eat him.  He had stabbed it easily enough and handed it to Buffy to finish off since it needed to be set on fire.  He heard a scream and went running toward the pool area.  "Shit, Jack!"  The fish monster stared at him and burbled.  "I know, shoo.  We're tearing down the old school so they can build a new one."  The fish monster pointed at someone.

"No, you can't have him.  Go.  Before I call Buffy."  The fish monster slid back into the sewer.  Xander checked the guy over.  "Get him outside," he snapped.  They carried him out.  Xander went back to the library, moving inside cautiously.  That's when he saw it.  A very faint glow and one tentacle tip.  "Aw, shit," he said, calling the store.  "It's me.  Tentacle at the library."  He hung up.  His boss walked in scowling.  He pointed.

The boss looked at it then at him.  "Okay.  We'll clear it today."

"I'm hoping we can get it closed today," Xander admitted.  "But I think I know the reason why.  Can you get Tara?"  He nodded, going to get her from the office while he watched.  Buffy came jogging in from the former side door.  He pointed. "I sent one of the swim team off too.  He headed into the sewer."

"Wanted a coworker?"

"Yup.  I sent him off already."

She stared at the tentacle tip.  "This is creepy with last night."  Tara walked in.  "You called her first?"

"She was reading at my desk."  He let her see it.  "The hellmouth," he said dryly.

"Her?" Tara asked quietly.

"No clue," Buffy admitted.  "We have her.  She's knocked out in our basement, Tara.  Mom's not happy with her."  Tara nodded once.  "So I don't know."

Xander looked.  "It's inside the floor.  That's where the portal has nested."  They both nodded at it.  He looked at his boss.  "I can blow the floor but the portal will still be here.  Small chance of it opening again.  We can try to close it, but I can't be sure."

"Will the creepy, waving thing go away?"

"It's the tip of a Kraken's tentacle," Buffy said with a smile.  "You should see the full thing."

Xander shrugged.  "It'll be destroyed no matter what.  The stump being pulled in should let it shut.  It would speed up the clean up, boss."

"It'd also blow the chunks of whatever all over."

"I can lay it so it'll collapse into the basement," he offered.  "Then we'd just have to shovel out the hole.  I'd need six points weakened.  That's the only way I know to do an outward-in blow."

Buffy looked at him.  "What about the portal?"

"That'll be done at the end of the day.  If we need to, I can come back to inspect and reflect on my blow," he said dryly.  "With my faithful female helpers if anyone asks."

She looked at Tara.  "Willow said the explosion made the energy flowing out of the hellmouth balloon upward instead of just pouring out."

"That should make it easier to shut," she decided.  "I need that book."

"It's in the stuff in your room," Buffy told her.  She smiled and nodded, going to get the book.  Buffy looked at Xander.  "I'll be here when you blow it," she said.  "Just in case that small chance happens."

"Of course you are.  I'm good but you're a slayer," he said with a grin.

"Good.  You finally learned that."  She punched him on the arm before following Tara.

Xander walked the boss out there.  "Guys," he said, making them all stare.

"We're going to blow this site with the problems we're having," the boss announced.  "We need to weaken a few spots.  I'll need to get loader and a truck to dig out the hole."

Xander got the plans down, looking at them.  "Here, here, here, here, here, here," he ordered.  "We need them weakened so it falls toward the center when it goes."  The older guys nodded at that.  "Make sure you don't collapse it fully.  Otherwise we'll have to clean that up too.  We're aiming toward the basement under the former library and gym," he said.  "Inside first then outer ones falling in on top of it."

"We can do that," one really experienced guy promised.  "C'mon, guys.  We have to weaken some walls while Xander makes bombs."  A few gave Xander uneasy looks but that was fine.

The boss smiled.  "They think you're scary," he teased.

"They know I'm scary.  I let other people dress me," he quipped back.  "Like those two girls."  He held out a hand.  "For all that I hate being called girlish, card."

The boss took out the corporate card and handed it over.  "Cheap."

"Of course."  He took off his hard hat and gloves, putting his dust mask inside the hat before handing it over.  "Give me an hour."  He left, going to Willie's Bar and Cantina.  The local hardware store would have what he needed for minor bombs but why when he could get plastique from some demons for the same price.  "Hey," he said as he walked in.  "Need Gromans."

"He's in the tunnels," Willie said dryly.

"I get to blow the school," Xander said with an evil smirk.  "Hellmouth's partially open."  Willie grabbed the phone, calling the demon's cellphone.  "Also, FYI, Willow's in deep."  Willie looked at him.  "Tara."

"I heard."  He finished speaking and hung up.  "Give him ten minutes to put on clothes."

"That's fine.  I don't want to see him naked anyway."  He sat on a bar stool, taking the bowl of peanuts to nibble on.  "I even have the corporate card."

"Decent of you.  Where is your ex?"

"Last I heard, on a retreat this month."

"Retreat?"

"Yeah.  She's found doing good makes her happy."

Willie gave him a horrified look.  "That's evil, Harris."

"Thanks."  He grinned.  The big, fat demon came up through the entrance in the back room.  "Hey, Gromans."

"Xander," he said.  "Why come to me?"

"The hellmouth's open, we have to finish destroying the school.  I don't want to blow things by creating more fertilizer bombs."

"That's a good cause."

"We have a tentacle tip."

"Oooh," Willie said with a wince and hiss.  "The slayer know?"

"Yup.  We're doing it at the end of the day if anyone else wanted to watch."  He grinned at the demons.  "I need plastic explosives."

"I only have a bit right now," Gromans admitted.

"How much is a bit?"

"Enough to maybe do the center.  I sold the rest to some vampires last week.  Sorry."

"What do you have?" Xander asked.

"I have some new thermal stuff but I'm not sure how strong it is."

"I'd have to do a test blow," Xander decided.  He ate another nut.  "Anything else around?"

"Not that I know of.  Sorry.  That thermal stuff is supposed to be really strong and you can use it like a pipe bomb."

Xander considered it.  "How strong?"

"All I heard was very."

"Huh.  How much in each tube?"

"Sixty ounces in the original tubes.  In pipe bombs?  Not real sure."  He pulled out the tube he carried, letting him see it.  "It has something written on it."

Xander looked.  "Classified, NID test subject 3," he read.  He called Riley.  "If I read something, tell me what it is?  NID test subject 3?  It's a thermal explosive?"  He listened, nodding some.  "How strong?  Because I'm going to be blowing the school for real later, Finn."  He smirked.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "He said they hyped it but it tested crappy.  Has to be frozen to work."  He handed it back.  "Usually we have such a good stash."

Willie moved to call someone else, nodding while he spoke.  He hung up and looked at the boy.  "Outside of town.  It'll cost real cash, not on plastic."

Xander nodded.  "How much for what?"

"Ten grand for enough for a war.  For the school, probably a cool grand."

Xander considered it.  That was more than he was probably going to be allowed to spend.  He sighed and pulled out his own card to put in the difference.  Willie ran it.  "Six," he ordered.  The demon bartender nodded, running it for that and cashing it out.  He ran Xander's and handed over that cash too.  "Thanks, guys.  Come watch if you want.  I hope it goes okay."  He left, heading to the meeting spot Willie had written on a bar napkin.  He sighed when he saw Feds pulling in.  He came out with his license.  "The town doesn't have what we need and we don't have time to order," he told the head agent.  "I'm not going to terrorize the town with it."

He checked the license, getting a nod from a coworker that it was good.  "There's official channels, boy."

Xander smirked.  "Here in town?  Not really.  They won't ship to Sunnydale.  Haven't in sixty years.  So unless I wanted to bring you guys in with a propane or a fertilizer bomb, I had to."

"At least that's a legal use," the agent decided.  "Still wrong to do it this way, kid."

"You'd get me if I lied about where it was going.  We're demo'ing because we found things growing and dead creatures, or their parts really.  I'm planning to blow it down into the old basement for easier and safer cleaning up."

"Good point."  He let the boy check over what they had for the buy.  "We have to see it used to make sure it's not being stored."

"Okay.  I'm at the old high school's site."  They all moaned.  He grinned.  "Yeah.  That's why we're doing it this way."  He got back into the company truck and drove back, calling his boss on the way to alert him.  He knew they had to do it this way.  The old Mayor had made sure no legal places would sell to anyone in Sunnydale.  That gave him an idea.  He'd have to look at it on his lunch break.  Or send Riley.  He'd be goody-goody about it because it'd get him out of some trouble.  He pulled back onto the site, handing the boss his card then the six hundred. "The rest was mine."

"That's fine, Harris.  It's all weakened."

"I said at the end of work."  He went to check.  It was well weakened.  "Paul!" he yelled.  He came in.  "Get this wall out of the way.  It's leaning the wrong direction."  He nodded, getting some guys in to help with that.  Xander inspected the other areas.  There was clean flow for the explosive forces.  And hey, the agents had brought a lot more than he really needed.  Their boss had said he could dispose of it this way, which meant it was someone who knew about Sunnydale.  He'd have to write them a thank you note in Buffy's name.

The boss came up before lunch and he got to thank him in person.  He was one of Riley's former teammates who only smirked at him.  He told him quietly why and got a nod back that it was fine.  He called Riley.  "It's me.  Go to twelve twelve nineteen eight three five.  Yes, that site.  Make sure it's cleaned.  If not, we have some agents on hand."  He hung up.  "The old Mayor's stuff," he said quietly, getting a nod back.  He got a text back with a frowning face.  He called.  "Bad, good?  Rodent infested?"  He laughed.  "Seriously?  Cool.  I have ATF here at the site since we're blowing it later.  Yeah, you can do that.  Taylis is here."  He hung up.  "Go to the Corral and then west three blocks, then up eight to the north.  Find Finn.  He has presents and surprises that'll make your higher ups piss themselves in joy."

"I hate Riley," he admitted.

"I'm not fully fond of the guy myself but the Mayor's old stash has a countdown that's measured in months."

"Shit."  He took his guys and went to see what was going on.  He left one guy there to guard the explosives.

Xander looked at the boss.  "Someone found a bomb."  He sat down with the case of plastique, wiring what he needed and making all the little bombs he needed.  He would overplan it so it'd all fall in.  He hoped.  He didn't want to fail at this.  He marked a spot on the map for each one.  He had to consider the one longer hallway and put an extra one there.  He pulled the top three guys in.  "See these dots," he said, pointing at the plans.  "These babies go there, with the wire end pointing toward the outside of the building."  They nodded.  "You connect them by putting the plug into the end," he said, showing them on one.  "Then this wire into the main one I'll be running."  They nodded, taking their people to do that while Xander connected the fire wires.  He ran those and left them for the guys to connect.  So when it was time he glanced around.  There were a lot of people waiting and watching from outside the gates.  "Guys, clear the site!" he called.  The crew cheered because they hated cleaning this site.  He got a nod from the boss everyone was clear and pushed the button.  He tried it again then moaned.  "Did we connect the wires?" he called, putting it back on standby.  "To the main cable?"

"Oops," someone called.  They ran in to do that for him.

Xander did one last check, making sure the building was clean.  One guy had left his hard hat so it got tossed to him.  Xander strolled over and put it back to active and looked, getting a nod from the boss.  This time something happened.  Half of the site did what it was supposed to.  The back fell backwards.  Xander looked at the crew responsible for that.  "Wires were supposed to go pointing outside, guys."  They groaned.  "It'll work.  Not as pretty but it'll work."  He set off one last one he had put in the basement area.  This one spumed up then fell back in smaller bits.  It was a pretty show.  He looked at his boss with a smirk.  "There, how's that?"

"Show off," he snorted, but he was smiling.  "Guys, clean up tomorrow is outside then into the hole," he called, getting some cheers.  The townspeople clapped at the show.  Xander took a theatrical bow but Buffy shoved him and he grinned at her instead.  "Harris, I take it back, you're goofy and scary, not just goofy," he called, getting a few laughs.

Xander grinned.  "Thanks, boss.  Makes my week.  I should go write elf smut for that."  His coworkers all snickered on their way to their cars.  He looked at Buffy, who was staring at him.  "Well?"

"Good show.  Would've been better if the back had cooperated."  He gave her an elbow nudge.  "But it was good.  Probably a lot easier now."

"Yeah, we can use a back ho."

"Decent.  Elven smut?"

"Yeah, elven smut.  He's finally going to get the priestess of his dreams.  She's going to let him get about halfway, remember her vows, and if he's lucky he'll be able to talk her around.  I haven't decided yet."

"Happy ending?" she asked.

He snorted.  "Hell no.  The hero never gets a truly happy ending unless you're woosey.  Then there's no reason for a sequel.  He'll get to be happy for maybe a year.  She might get to smite him for still looking at other women."

"I'd do that too," she agreed.  "Maybe he gets a happy eventually?"

"Not with her, but yeah sometime.  After he decides if he's man enough to deal with zombies."

"Eww."  He gave her a pointed look.  She glared back.  "Not the same as vampires.  They're not rotting."

"Which is the decision he'll have to make."  He strolled off.  "See you later."

"I'll make sure you get out of your elf smut in time for patrol."  She shook her head, calling Tara.  "He's coming home to write elf smut.  Patrol after I deal with this after dark."  She hung up, going to look at the wreckage.  Everyone else was gone so she could stare down in it for a bit.  She saw a small wiggle but it was a sand demon.  They had migrated into town a few months earlier for a clan-wide vacation and were harmless.  "That's from the hellmouth," she called quietly.  The demon looked up at her.

"That's the school."  The demon nodded and went back into its tunnel.  She checked, nothing else was wiggling, moving, or felt weird.  So maybe it was going to be okay for a few days?  She could use a few days off.  She walked off then turned back.  Nothing.  She smiled and walked off but stopped at the gate.  Still nothing.  Yeah, it'd be a few days.  Hopefully.  She'd pass by here later.  Just in case.  You never knew and the hellmouth liked taking advantage of her happy days.

As proven by the vampire that came up and tried to grab her shirt a few minutes later that she got to kick around for trying to get a peek.  "I'm not some pinup," she complained as she kicked his ass.  "Quit!"  She finally staked him and made sure she was straightened out.  Then she sighed.  She looked back toward the school but she didn't hear ghostly laughter, see a glow, or sense anything weirder than usual.  So yeah, she'd get a day off sometime soon.

***

Xander walked into his agent's office, shaking his hand.  "Chuck, and this is?"

"Xander, this is Mr. Shalls."

"Sir," Xander said, shaking his hand.

"You know, young man, I expected you to be older."

"Some days I feel really old if that helps," he offered with a grin.  "I've been writing since I was in tenth grade."

"Then you probably earned that award I heard you got."

"Honorable mention," Xander corrected.  He sat down.  "So, you like the one I thought was crap?"

He smiled.  "Most good authors think their stuff is."

"Actually, the people I let pre-read it before my editor and Chuck think that Tral is better and funnier.  They thought that one was odd."

"I think it's odd but it does have some promise for a future bit of work."

Xander nodded.  "I have no idea where it was going.  It ended and pretty well disappeared.  I tried to reread it last night and got nothing new."

"Okay, I can understand that.  What about that vampires in space?"

"Yeah, that one there's more of.  I have another one with Donnie, who is my editor.  It was suggested that I get a professional editor when I started to write and got into a magazine."

"That's not a bad idea.  It helps you polish your craft and gives you good ideas."

"Recently he's been pouting because I've been overworking him.  The muses are a bit overactive this last two months."

Chuck put a pile on his desk.  "Really?"

Xander grinned.  "I'm only having those days on the weekends so I make it to work.  My boss is very amused at my muses."

"I'm still wondering if those puppies your former landlord saw were your muses."

"I'm not sure.  No one else has seen puppies."  The other agent gave him an odd look.  "My former landlord tried to evict me for having puppies always around my feet that no one else could see."

"We all joke that maybe he's a wanna be author since half of them are insane."

Xander nodded.  "I can see that happening some day in my future."

"So can I since you look like you lost weight, kid," Chuck said.

Xander shrugged.  "Tara brings me out to make me eat."

"New girl?  Donnie said you had problems with Anya."

"Tara is Willow's former girlfriend and like my sister.  I'm shielding her from Willow.  She makes great cookies.  Her cat likes to sit with me when I watch tv."

"That's good," Chuck said.  "How many more is Donnie sending me?"

Xander shrugged.  "You'd have to ask him.  I know I've sent in three short ones, and.... I think four or five long ones but he hates one."

Chuck dialed Donnie's phone.  "It's Chuck.  I have Xander here."  He listened, then looked at Xander.  "He's starting to feel sorry for Tral."

"Yeah, that'll happen.  Especially around chapter 9 or so.  He'll get a happy ending sometime.  Buffy demanded."

Chuck smiled at what Donnie said.  "That's fine.  That one with the space vampires?"  He nodded once.  "Okay.  How much have you seen of it?  Pre-edit read.  Any good?  His usual standard....  Really?  Cool.  Thanks, Donnie."  He said something else.  "Really?  Damn.  Xander!"  Xander just grinned.  "How bad and graphic?  Uh-huh."

"The dark or the other one?"

"The dark one.  There's *another* one?"

"Kinda Anne Rice-y maybe?" he suggested hesitantly.  "I was missing Anya."

"We'll see."  Donnie said something and he laughed.  "I'll want to read it, Donnie.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Take a break from writing so I can catch up?"

"Yell at my muses!  When Anya left she cursed me to get successful and get groupies I'd find boring so I'd take her back.  Of course, she's on retreat with some nuns this month."

"I don't want to know," Chuck decided.  "He has another one of that one, one of Tral's, and a few others."

"I'd like to see those others."

"Donnie's sending them over as soon as he can save one down."  He turned on his computer, finding two emails.  "Here we go."  He copied them to DVD for him.  "For you."  He smiled at Xander.  "The magazine did accept that last short one."  Xander beamed.  "They loved it."

Xander got up and did a happy dance.  "Cool."  He sat down and smoothed out his hair again.  "I'm happy they liked it."

"They did and I was thinking maybe sending part of Tral, or even a side story, to them to get some interest going?"

Xander shrugged.  "If you guys want it.  There's two short ones started on the computer  I can have Tara send it over."

"Please," Chuck said.

Xander pulled out his phone to call home, putting it on speaker.  "Tara, me.  Can you get into my computer."

//It's in the safe.//

"8-19-25.  I need you to find the Tral folder on it, the two short stories that I did two weeks ago, and email them as an attachment to the one labeled 'Chuck' in my address book please?  The guys want to see it."

//Give me a second.//  A few beeps.  //There's three under 50K.//

"The one I didn't start at three this morning."

//Okay.//  A few clicks.  //The one marked Chuck won't go through.//

"Try editor?"

//That's an actual email address.  The other was an address.  Saved as an attachment and sent.//

"Thanks.  I'll pick up dinner?"

//Get me a mushroom burger please.  For Buffy too.  We're watching movies.//

"I can do that, with veggie fries from the good spot.  Laters.  Few hours."  He hung up.

Chuck reloaded his email a few times until it popped up.  "Wrong format," he said but he got into that program.  "Sorry."  He resaved it.  "It may have undone some of the formating," he warned, handing a copy to the other agent.  "I can get a clean copy if you like it."

He nodded.  "I'll run them tonight.  I've seen some horrible formatting changes from Word to Word Perfect."

"They're in Word Perfect seven," Xander told him.

"I saved them in that form as well," Chuck told him.  "In case."

"That'll work.  I'll talk to you tomorrow, Chuck.  Firm up the details on what we like."  He shook Xander's hand.  "Good job, young man."

Xander beamed.  "Thank you."  He waited until the guy was gone to get up and snoopy dance again.

Chuck smiled, shaking his head.  "You're goofy, Xander."  He leaned back.  "He wanted to buy at least one book."

"Whoo-hoo!  I sense a pizza party coming on!" he said happily.

"And a tour to promote it."

"Okay," he said, sitting down again.  "I knew if I got famous it'd happen some day.  My boss knows too.  Even if he buys the book this week it'd take a few months, right?"

"Definitely.  Probably at the holidays."

"I can probably do that.  We'll be slowing down due to the weather.  We don't get snow but we'll get a lot of rain."

"Good.  Then I can send you to a convention in a few months?"

"Weekend?"

"Friday through Sunday."

"I can probably do that, yeah.  Fandom convention?  The big comic con?" he asked hopefully.  "I've always wanted to go."

"You can go to that as a fan.  This would mean you'd have to talk to the people as an author instead.  There's a sci-fi and fantasy convention coming up with an author's panel."

"Sure.  Let me know when."

Chuck smiled.  "I like you being so easy, kid."

"You know what's best for my career.  When I know more I might fuss and throw fits but not yet.  Wait until I'm established and Tara has to nag because I'm spoiled."

"Fine."  He smirked.  "No new girlfriend yet?"

"I need one but no.  Not yet."  He shrugged.  "The next bad girl will come sometime soon."

"Just don't marry without warning me.  You'll need to do a prenup so she can't claim any of your work.  I've seen it ruin a few very good authors."

"I don't plan on marrying anytime soon, Chuck.  I nearly married Anya before I found her cheating."  His agent winced.  "Yeah.  Exactly.  Hence the dark piece."

"Last time it was a romance."

"Last time I moped.  This time I was pissed."

"I'd be pissed too.   So, feel good?"

"It feels really good.  I won't get arrested if I go find a hooker though."

"You'll have enough money to go to a real brothel, Xander."  Xander just grinned.  "Go.  Shoo.  Let me call around to make others money.  I'll let you know how he liked them."

"Cool."  He stood up and shook the older man's hand then left, nearly dancing in the elevator again.  He went to Angel's office, finding Cordelia getting stitched up by Wesley.  "Her skin tears really easily, don't pull so tight."  He moved over to get some gloves and finish it for him.  "Local?" he asked her.  She shook her head, biting her lip.  "Wes, my front right pocket has my keys and my trunk has my patrol med kit.  Including local.  It's in the red box."  Wesley got it out and went to get the kit. He looked at her.  "I may have sold a whole bunch of novels," he said.

She squealed and hugged him.  "Congratulations!  I need a huge holiday present."

"You and Buffy," he teased with a grin.  "Tara didn't ask for one."

"She's probably not a demanding girl like we are."

"Nope.  Kinda quiet and shy."  He heard someone come on.  "Hey."  He waved a hand.  Wesley brought in the box.  "That's my baby."  He got into it, finding what he needed, pulling out some local.  "Small pinch."  He stuck her as she drew in a breath.  "There we are."  He opened the next stitching packet.  "Finer threads," he promised, smiling at Wesley.  "Less scarring."  He closed it, then looked her over.  "Leg, tummy, any others?"  She moaned, moving to let him do the others.  He finished on her stomach and gave her forehead a kiss.  "Any more?"  She shook her head.  "Good.  You're too pretty to be so cut up."  He helped her up, taking off the gloves.  "Wes, any more need done?"

"I've done Doyle's already," he offered.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem.  I do them at home too."  He smiled.  "So, we'll know in a few days if I sold," he told his former girlfriend.  "But I did get new sale to that magazine.  Chuck wants me to do a convention board too."

"Wow.  Really moving up."  She patted him on the arm.  "You'll still be a geek forever."

"Of course I am.  That's why my elf got smut time from a priestess."  She moaned, shaking her head.  He smiled at Wes and Doyle.  "Hey," he said, nodding at the one he didn't know.  "You must be Doyle.  She's said nice stuff about you.  I'd be terrified of her for that."

"I usually am," he said with a quiet Irish accent.  "You must be Xander."

"I am."  He shook his hand.  "Any other injuries?"

"No, we're fine.  Angel claims he's already healing."

"I guess that depends on if he's healing as slowly as Spike is or not."  Angel came out of the kitchen to stare at him.  "Spike said his broken foot didn't heal for three days due to drinking animal blood?"

"It can make you heal more slowly but I have some donated from one of the demon bars."

"Good.  I need to find him some of that and give it to Joyce so he goes back to Buffy's basement instead of my couch.  Tara's cat is getting too used to him."  He closed up his case, looking around.  "I came to share good news and I have.  Did you like those books?"

Angel walked off shaking his head.  "It was definitely different, Harris.  Yours?"

"Hell no.  I might have a real novel by next year though."

"Still Alexian Harris?"  Xander nodded.  "Good."  She gave him a hug, making him grin.  "It's not that sort of hug, pervert."

"Still nice.  I need a new girlfriend."

"Well, this was all done by a female demon," Wesley offered.

Xander glared at him.  "Do you guys need Buffy to handle her?"  He backed down at that.  "Beyond that, I'd never date a harmful demoness.  Peaceful maybe, but not a harmful one."

"Good," Cordelia agreed.

"Buffy said you're as mean as I'm allowed to date."

She pinched him, making him yelp.  "Some day you'll have an ex-wife and she'll be even meaner."  She slid off the table.  "Shoo, go.  I'm sure you're going to be needed for patrol since she's been pouting."

"Yeah, we know why.  We're all real surprised she hasn't killed his ass yet," he said quietly.  She gave him a curious look so he touched a mark on her neck.  Her eyes widened.  He nodded.  "Yeah."

"Alone?"

"On purpose."

"Shit."

He nodded.  "We know.  She knows kinda but is denying.  I'm pretty sure Spike was going to make sure she saw it later on."

"Oops," she said dryly.  "Guess you'll have less people."

"We're not sure yet.  She's been watching movies with Tara since I found that nice tv on clearance."  He looked around then at her.  "Would you maybe like to work some reality magic on during a witchly visit?" he asked quietly.

"Still?" she asked.

"She tried to get in last night."

"I'd love to.  I never met Tara but this isn't like Willow."

"Thank you.  I'm about to handle it."  She nodded once at that.  He kissed her on the cheek.  "Have a good night."  He looked at the guys.  "Night, guys.  Easier days."  He grabbed his kit and walked out.

Cordy dialed the phone, getting Buffy's cellphone.  "We'd like to talk to Willow, Buffy Summers.  Yes, for that reason."  She listened then snorted.  "Buffy, did she magic you?  And is Tara all right?"  She smirked.  "Yeah, you do know the reason for that.  Want me to call Xander?"  She listened to the complaining how Xander had left years ago.  "Um, nope.  He's still there.  You're in his apartment I do believe."  She snickered. "Good!"  She hung up, calling the number she had snuck from someone.  "Riley Finn, this is Cordelia Chase.  Yes, that Cordelia.  Willow has apparently magicked Buffy into thinking that Xander left years ago.  No, he didn't.  She's in his apartment trashing things."  He groaned.

Angel took the phone but Wesley got one of his books and took it instead, repeating something.  Riley yelped.  "Did that clear the spell?" he asked.  "Good.  Then I would go stop Miss Rosenburg in Xander's apartment.  He's on his way back.  Exactly.  Yes, she's done it to others."  He hung up.  "What is wrong with that one?"

"I don't know but she nearly hurt Tara the other night," Cordelia said.  She texted Tara's phone.  Xander had given her the number.  Tara sent back it was.  "Good."  She looked at them.  "Tara guarded his laptop and books."  She texted Xander's phone.  "We might get Willow in tiny pieces."

"If it is necessary," Wesley said firmly.  "Witches should not do such things."

"No, they shouldn't," Angel agreed.  "Can we do something about her?"

"Not that I'm aware of," Wesley admitted.  "I can look."

"Please," Cordelia agreed.  "It's time for an intervention."  She walked off to find something to drink.  She might need a moist throat to scream at Willow later.

***

Xander walked into his apartment, shocking them.  He pulled something out of the drawer.

"What are you doing?" Buffy demanded, standing up.  "You left years ago."  She came over to get into his face.  He held up the slip.  "What's that?"

"Where I pay the rent since this is *my* place, Buffy.  Look around, do you decorate like this?  Though I do see she moved the furniture on me."  He stared at her.  Then at Willow.  "Put it back.  Now."  She opened her mouth.  He threw something else he had gotten out on her, making her scream.  "Now," he snarled.

Buffy backed off.  "Um, Xander, you're growling," she said.

"Duh.  She's hurting the pack."  He moved closer.  Buffy tried to get into his way but he picked her up by her arms and moved her.  She was too stunned to struggle.  He grabbed Willow by the back of the head, making her scream as her hair was pulled.  "Put.  It.  All.  Back.  Now!" he finished in a yell.  She let out a whimper but he pulled her around.

"Xander, put her down," Tara ordered.

"No!  I won't have her defiling *my* house."  He glared at her.  "You have one last chance, Willow Rosenburg.  And then I'd head for rehab for whatever problem this is.  Do it now, Willow.  Or I will end you."

"Hey," Buffy complained.  "So she moved furniture."

"Tara, did you get to save all my books?"  She shook her head.  "Where are they?"

"She burned them.  I couldn't stop her."

He looked at her.  "I know you couldn't.  I'm not blaming you.  I know exactly who the problem is."  He shook the problem, making her scream.  "I've had enough."  He walked her to the door.  He opened it to find the cops.  "Good."  He handed Willow over.  "She broke in, stole my things, tried to claim my apartment was hers, and I'm going to kill her.  It'll be the easiest homicide that you'll never solve."

"Someone reported screaming?" one officer asked.

"He doesn't live here," Willow squealed, trying to get away.

Xander went to get the rental agreement forms, handing them over.  He also handed over the payment slip.  "Really?"

The officer looked at her.  "It's in his name, ma'am."

"It's not!" she said, opening her mouth.  Xander glared.  "You're evil!"

"You're a bitch," he said bluntly.  "I don't know what your problem is but end it before it's ended for you, Willow.  I don't want your rants, your theories, your supposed skills, anything in *my* apartment.  You've now ruined a *decade* of friendship.  Get her out of here, please," he told the officers.  "I don't want to be violent.  It was a good day earlier."

"Do you know where she lives?"  Xander wrote down an address and handed it over.  "We'll get in touch with them."

"Thank you."  He closed the door once they had walked her off.  He sighed, looking at the horrified Buffy and then at Tara.  "You good?"  Tara nodded.  Riley pounded and walked in.  "Were you in LA too?" he asked facetiously.

"No, I was arranging for someone to deal with her and end her spells."

"Cordelia wants her."

"That'll work.  My contacts can pick her up from there."  Xander stared him down.  "He's not part of us, Xander.  He's with a coven some of our people ran into that was strong enough to keep from being captured for years."

"Good deal then.  Think they can fix her?"

"I don't know.  I know they can probably contain her at the very least."  Xander nodded once at that.  "They faxed me how to remove the spell.  Tara?"  She took it to work on.  Buffy moaned and grabbed her head.  Xander looked around.  Tara pointed at the safe, getting a smile and a nod.

Buffy moaned, rubbing her forehead.  "I'm sorry, Xander."

"It's not your fault, Buffy.  It's hard being stuck in the middle."  He pulled Tara over to hug her.  "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," she promised.  She got free.  "She only got a few of them, Xander.  Plus anything she didn't like in your wardrobe and other books."

He smirked.  "Did she *burn* them or just magic them away?"

"I saw fire," Buffy told him with a frown.  "Why?"

"Because half the stuff she burns by magic comes back when you end her spell.  Remember that one demon body she burned?"

"Oh, yeah," she admitted.  "It came back when she ended the fire spell."  He nodded.  "How would we get her to end it?"

"The cops are sending her to Cordelia."  He smiled.  "She wanted to talk to her.  Or there's the easy way."  He walked into his weapons closet, coming out with something he dripped around the room and a candle he lit.  All the spells unraveled if they were inside the drops of stuff.  The power went back to their casters because Tara was glowing with it.  A few things got unhidden and a whole pile of things appeared in the middle of his floor.  He let Tara have them.  "Put them back while I toss my clothes into my room?"

"What is that?" Buffy asked.

"Magic neutralizer.  It basically kills organic energy flows inside a specific area.  Lasts for about ten hours unless you remove things from the area then it's permanent.  Found it in one of Giles' books years ago."  He grabbed his shirts and regular smut, walking it into his bedroom to toss it onto the bed that clearly needed to be remade.  "Hey, she bought you some new sheets, Tara.  Because I don't sleep on little blue flowers."  He walked out, looking at his roomie.  "Which means she planned it."

Buffy nodded.  "Sounds like it," she sighed.  "We'll deal with her if she comes back, guys."

"I can block her out," Tara said quietly, looking at Xander.

"Like a vampy uninvite?"  She nodded.  "Go for it."  She smiled, going to find what she needed for it.  He looked at Buffy.  "You know you're always welcome over."

"I know."  She gave him a hug.  "What about the ugly statue thing?"

Xander picked it up to look at, then tossed it to her.  "I think I saw that at the store."

She looked it over.  "It's got the price sticker on it.  I'll give it back to Giles."  He grinned at her for that.  "Any other shocks?"

"Depends, did she go grocery shopping?  Because we were even out of sweets."

"I went earlier," Tara told him as she came out checking a book.  "I need paint.  Blood red, a small brush to draw the marks."

Xander nodded.  "I can get you some.  Have to be organic or can it be craft paint?"

"Anything."

"Can you put it on masking tape so he can take it down and not get charged for it?" Riley asked.  "Damage deposit," he said at Xander's odd look.

"I can paint over red paint, Riley.  Thanks for the Mayor's stuff by the way."

"Welcome.  No one wanted it here anyway.  The demons might take some of it to use on us."

"Most of the demons holding higher weapons in town are either selling to off-plane contacts and it's easier to hide that here, or they're part of our two suicide cults or they're vampires.  They're on East Toffer."

Riley gave him a horrified look.  "How do you know this?"

"It's my job, Riley.  I'm her gear and weapons person since she likes them but can't restring a crossbow to save her life.  Giles doesn't like modern weapons.  Willow hates weapons.  Someone has to pay attention to that."

Buffy nodded.  "He does.  Anything bad about those suicide cults?"

"Got a few months before they get to the point where they're ready to try.  Neither are going to be acting here.  One's going to try to bring down the aliens by firing off a specific wavelength of beam weapon into the night sky.  Which I'm not sure will work.  The other's a standard suicide cult and they'll try something but they're still working on their devotion and desires to die for their gods.  The human one is really interesting and I've been debating calling someone about them since they've got kids they're brainwashing but aren't hurting them yet.  Just annoying the crap out of everyone else."

"The flower power people?" she asked, looking confused.

"No, they're fine.  A cult but peaceful.  The one on Alverna?"

"Ooooh!  Them!" she said, nodding.  "Yeah, we should probably tell someone about that.  Are they being that annoying?"

"Yup.  I'm not sure how their plans of bringing down modern science, literature, and buildings is going."

"Buildings?" Riley asked.

"Buildings take science to build, house unholy things, people read literature in them," Buffy told him.  "Last time I checked on them, Willow found their website and they were trying to find something that would eat brick and cement so they could pour it on our library or the science building at the college.  The most evil things of all first."

"Do they expect us to live in tents?" Riley asked.

"No, once their bad buildings purge is done with, they'll let us build wooden houses like they did in the old west," Xander said.

Riley nodded.  "How close are they?"

Xander shrugged.  "I can go scout in a bit.  Make sure.  If I find anything too bad, I'll call or visit someone tomorrow."

"That'll work," Riley decided.  "They hate it when one of us calls."

Xander grinned.  "It'll be fine.  I am a construction foreman.  I'm more natural to call about their plots anyway.  I'll check on the other two at the same time."  She nodded at that.  "To blatantly change the subject to my happy news.  I deserve a happy dinner because I may have sold anywhere from one to five books."  Tara squealed and hugged him.  He grinned at them.  "It depends on how much the guy earlier likes the follow ups and those short ones.  So by next week, I can maybe cut back on the overtime," he said happily.  "But we definitely deserve decent food tonight before patrol."

Buffy nodded.  "Mom could probably make a good dinner of sandwiches."

"Call and tell her the good news before we stroll over?" Xander suggested.  "If not, I've got Chinese."

"Cool.  What about...."  She waved a hand around.

Xander smiled.  "She's in jail for the night or in the hospital's mental ward."  Buffy snickered.  Either way the cops probably had her drugged up in case she was dangerous.  "Then Cordy gets her tomorrow."

"I almost feel sorry for her," Riley sighed, shaking his head.

Buffy nodded.  "Me too.  Evil thoughts begone, Xander."

"I'm trying but I'm hungry.  Oh, and your burgers are in the car."  They left, him locking up and turning on his security system this time.  It'd stop her at least a little bit since it was demon crafted and could detect magic.  Buffy wouldn't like it but oh well.  It had been a nice favor from Spike to point him out since he owed the guy who designed them some kittens.  They walked over to Buffy's house, making Joyce give them strange looks.  "Mom, I may be asking your opnion next week or so on some major home purchases."

"Why, Xander?"

"Because I may have sold a book or I may have sold about five books."  She squealed and hugged him.  He grinned.  "We came over to do a celebration dinner and were hoping you had sandwich fixings.  I got the girls good mushroom burgers."

"I can make some nice ones with the minute steaks," she promised, taking them into the kitchen to feed the group.  "No Willow?"

"She decided to magic us," Riley told her quietly.

"To make them all believe I had left years ago so she could have my place with Tara," Xander added.  "The cops came at her screaming when I grabbed her.  I told them she lived with Cordy since Cordy agreed to do the vacuum duty to get her head out of her ass."

"I'm sure Cordelia will have a lot of fun snarking at her," Buffy said.  She gave Tara a nudge and a grin.  "This means he's got to shop."

"I still can't shop like a girl but I can see maybe adding another chair to the house, and maybe some new kitchen stuff, maybe a new lamp."  Tara grinned at that.  "Definitely a new stereo."

"You need a new laptop," Tara said.

"I know but my word processing program won't work with the newest OS so it'd drive me nuts learning a new one.  Besides, I hate Word.  I tried it but at the beginning of sentences it won't automatically capitalize after quote marks."

She shook her head.  "That would suck," she agreed.  "Stop your flow a lot more often."  She gave him a hug around his shoulders.  "Flowered sheets?"

"Yup, she put on sheets with little blue flowers."

"My bed's smaller.  You have a queen."

"It'll fit on yours, just be a bit baggy."  She shrugged.  "We'll see.  Or maybe you'll get a bigger bed.  Who knows."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "For making sure I made it today."

She beamed.  "You need an alarm clock."

"I have one.  You complain it goes off without me some mornings," he quipped.

She nodded.  "It does and it keeps going until I turn it off on you."  She sat down, smiling at Buffy.  "He lets me do all the girl stuff too."

"He should since you're a girl," Riley pointed out.  "I can't see him color coordinating curtains and throw pillows or even buying healthy food."

"We do okay," Tara assured him.  "He can match things."

"He still wears horrible shirts," Buffy reminded her.  "I'm surprised some throw pillows haven't shown up in hawaiian print."

"I can't find any," Xander said dryly.  "Joyce?"

"I couldn't bring myself to buy them," she admitted.  "But I think Pier 1 had some."  She finished up the meat frying and made them good sandwiches.  She handed them to the boys and got her own.  "Which ones may have sold, Xander?"

"The one that I absolutely hated, that deserted island story."  She shuddered and grimaced.  "Maybe Tral.  Maybe the vampires in space one."  She smiled at those.  "Tral is kinda geeky but a very fun loving and priestess desiring half-elf."

"He gets his own for a while then something bad happens in book three," Tara told her.  "You feel sorry for him when he's trying to decide if he's manly and desperate enough for a zombie."

Joyce snickered.  "That's bad, Xander."

"I know."  He grinned.  "But I'm a good boy most of the time and so is Tral.  He'll get another priestess someday soon.  After a few battles to take some frustration out on.  A few inn girls.  Once a drunken fun night with a tree that the battling sides catch during a running and chasing fight; they both decide he's too scary to be in their war.  They actually make peace talking about how to banish him from the war because they're so creeped out."

Tara looked at him.  "You've got book four done already?"

"Half.  He's going to pout and go kidnap a priestess, who'll slap him around for days but travel with him when she's ordered to by the head priestess.  On the way she decides he's not *so* horrible as all the stories and fixes him up with a novitiate who really doesn't want to be a priestess but her mother really wants her to buy her way into a happier afterlife that way.  It solves multiple problems and she's more than happy to let him pounce all he wants.  As long as that tree doesn't end up pregnant."  He stuffed his mouth.

Riley shook his head quickly.  "I never got D&D type stuff."  He stuffed his mouth.

"I don't usually but Tral is really funny," Tara assured him.  "He's sweet and confused and geeky but he's got a good heart.  Even if he does want to debauch the whole Cordy-loving temple."

Xander nodded.  "He'd adore that.  He'll never do it but he'd adore being the guy doing that.  Tral's a good half-elf.  Not one of the poncy ones like in Tolkien.  Pretty enough to be in it but not fully that serious."

"He has this running joke asking Dwarves for favors since they're at that height anyway," Tara said with a small blush.  Joyce bopped Xander on the forehead but she was smiling.  "It's how he gets into many bar brawls."

"He's very likeable but very strange sometimes.  He blames it on being a half elf."

Joyce shook her head.  "That's strange, Xander, but it sounds funny."  She ate a bite.  "Preview copy?"

"Sometime soon.  I'm hoping he doesn't cut out all the funny bits.  Donnie knows not to.  This new guy I'm not too sure about.  I'll see what he wants to do.  Then I'll decide if he gets that one.  Chuck might throw a fit, but yay."

She nodded.  "That seems reasonable.  Some people would want to make it more serious like some of them out there.  Some humor would be nice."

"It would be, yeah."  He smiled.  "If he won't take it and keep it funny, then I might start a website dedicated to me and put the first few chapters up on it."

"That could get you some attention," Buffy agreed.  "You've already got some fans for the shorter stuff."

"Which are a lot more like Tral."  He shrugged.  "We'll see."  Tara's phone rang.  "Problems?" he asked when she hit the ignore key.

"Not yet."

"Her?" Buffy asked.

"Stepmother."

She just nodded.  "I can still kick their butts, Tara.  All you have to do is ask me."

Xander snorted.  "You and me both," he assured her.  She beamed at him for that.  "Are we patrolling tonight?"  They all nodded.  He finished up and hugged Joyce.  "I'll brag when I hear for certain."  She smiled and kissed him on the cheek.  "Thanks."  He left with the crew.  Tara decided to stay and help her clean up for a bit.  It was good to keep things as normal as possible for as long as he could.  It'd keep him humble, straight, and tired.

***

Xander walked into the meeting with Chuck.  "Hi."

"Hi.  You won't be happy."

"He's going to try to change Tral into a serious book?"

"He'd like it to be more serious."

"Yay, I like him the way he is.  He's very likeable."

"He did not like the dwarf jokes."

Xander shrugged.  "He'll definitely hate the tree part in book four then."

"Damn, kid."  Xander just smiled.  "He still wants the vampires one.  He wants the other one, and hopes you can make it a series."  Xander shook his head.  "Or we can continue to show it around."

"Do they want me exclusively or just exclusively with that series?"

"Just those series."

"Can we shop Tral around?"

"We definitely can.  He's from a smaller publisher.  With the small following you already have that could make a lot of difference to their business."

"I'm not against that but not if they're going to majorly change it that way."

"I agree and he said you'd probably see it that way.  He wasn't upset about it."

"Then I can give them those at a fair price.  Is it a fair price?"

"Very fair price," he promised with a smile.  "All that backlog of yours is really helping out."  Xander beamed.  "Book four?"  He tossed over his USB key drive.  "Going to see Donnie later?"

"I thought he'd be here since he's my editor."

"It needs a bit of work but not that much.  When we get down into the formal details, before we sign things, then he'll be there."  He plugged it in and looked at the folders.  "Backlogged?"

"Some that's ancient and could use the work," he admitted.  "Some of it could use a lot of work.  I put a letter on there asking him to see if any of it was any good and worth the effort.  Tara liked it but I know that most lesbian girls don't read sci-fi or fantasy."

"That's not a bad idea.  Is this all of what you had stored and unlooked over?"  Xander nodded.  "Donnie and I will look it over, kid."  He smiled.  "You were prolific before.  Is it easing?"  Xander shook his head.  "Why?"

"Anya's wish."  He smirked.  "Though I'm very happy I got nominated before then."

"What?"

"I dumped her for finding her with another woman."

"Eww.  Had that happen to one ex wife.  Know it sucks, kid."

"Yeah, well, Anya is a former vengeance demon.  Which is a type of wish demon.  She cursed me to find fame and groupies, which she thinks I'll toss over to go back to her for.  I decided since she wanted sex and money so often that maybe she should find a purpose in life."

"That's....very odd and strange."

Xander smirked.  "I was a bit mad."

"Clearly.  Does that happen often?"

"You have to really be feeling it to get one down to you."

"Huh.  I'm glad two of my ex's didn't then."  He went back to glancing over it.  "Hunter?"

"Demon hunting."

"Biography?" he asked dryly, staring at the boy.

"No.  Fictionalized.  Buffy hated it.  Claims it gave her nightmares and bad hair."

"Okay."  He glanced over that one, getting into Tral's fourth book and doing a search for 'tree'.  He skimmed that part, bursting out giggling.  "They find peace because he was ...."  He snickered louder.  "I'm really liking Tral, Xander."

"Thank you.  I'd bow but my back has a huge ass bruise on it after last night."

"You okay?"

"Got pounced.  I'm fine.  Bit sore, big bruise.  So, am I going to be able to give Cordy and Buffy the huge holiday presents they demanded if I made major money?"

"Yes."  He smirked.  "Two or three each."   Xander beamed.  "You sure you want to stay up there?  It's dangerous."

"Yeah but I'm needed up there.  When I can't be up there anymore is one thing.  For right now I'm still pretty unknown.  Still pretty minor and no one up there knows me.  If she had more help I'd move closer and somewhere safer."

"I understand.  That's a duty, not a pleasure."  Xander nodded at that.  "Well, I can safely say you won't have to work for the next year."

"Oooooh.  Sounds promising."

"Very."  He pulled out the contracts to go over with him.  Xander wanted one change made and he put a post-it note on it since it wasn't that big of a problem, just a change to put things under his pen name instead of his real one.  He knew the kid was worried about his parents finding out and coming for money.  That he understood perfectly well.  He called Mr. Shalls for a meeting and Donnie to come over as well.  They had a good dinner meeting, with Xander being very polite and using good manners instead of guy manners, and it went well.  Xander left with a nice sized advance since they were written and only had to be edited.  Donnie had called someone he knew in another publishing house about the Tral series.  They were interested and would call Chuck the next day.  So it was all going to work out.

***

Xander wobbled into the doorway, knocking with a frown.  Cordelia opened it.  "Are you drunk?" she demanded.

"Exhausted."  He grinned, holding up the check.  "The advance money for three vampires in space and one that I hated."

She stared at it then at him.  "Wow."  She let him inside.  "Are you okay?"

"Just really tired.  The muses got me up at three."  He flopped onto her couch.  "Can I crash since I shouldn't drive?" he asked, snoring a second later.

She smiled, putting the check in the shoes she took off him.  It'd stink tomorrow but it was safe.  She tossed a sheet overtop of him and went back to her own room.  "Dennis, leave him alone.  He's my ex and he's very nice to me," she said quietly, talking to her ghost.  The ghost went to stare at him but that was all.  He was good about some stuff.  She climbed back into bed and drifted off, happier that her ex was doing so good.  He'd do anything she needed if she really needed him and now he had the means to get out of harm's way.  She didn't want him dead anymore.  Hadn't for at least a year.

***

Xander walked up to his boss the next day, seeing the scowl.  "I didn't get out of the meeting until nearly midnight.  I had to crash on an ex's couch," he admitted with a grin.

"Fine, Harris.  You okay?"

"I'm good.  Though I have something to show you."  The guy quirked up an eyebrow.  Xander brought him out to his car, showing him the deposit ticket.  His boss gave him a long stare.  "They bought four," he said with a huge grin.

"Congrats, kid.  Are we losing you to the glamorous life?"

"I'm probably going to cut down to part time if I can," he admitted.  "That means I don't have to work for a while but I don't want to rely on my savings.  That's the advance but it'll be months before they go into print and then I'll get royalties.  I'm not expecting a lot right now.  Maybe in a few years but not off my first book."

"I can do that," he decided.  "We'll be sorry to have you fall back so far."

Xander grinned.  "This is as satisfying but the muses are driving me nuts, boss."

"I've seen the tiredness.  So, part time?"  Xander nodded.  "Can I talk you into three-quarter time so I can keep you as crew lead?"

"Yeah, I think you can," he admitted with a grin.  He put the slip back and shut the door again.   "I'd like to stay crew lead."

"Good."  He clapped him on the arm.  "Congrats, kid."

"Thanks.  I kept out a bit so we could have a good celebration dinner later on."  He smirked.  "Let's go clean up this mess from hell."

"You're an hour late," he taunted as they walked.

"I had to be.  Traffic was a bitch today for some reason.  It's like someone called recess in LA and they all fled for some afternoon hookie playing."

His boss laughed.  "They might have.  LA is a strange city."  They got back to work.  He liked how honest Xander was.  He was a good kid.  He'd hate to see him leave eventually.

Xander walked over to check on his crew.  "Sorry, guys.  Ended up having to crash on an ex's couch last night and drive in from LA."  They all smirked.  "Nothing else happened.  She's an ex."  He grinned.  "Let's see what we've got beyond a problem."  He looked at the mess then at them.  "That's all stone."

"We have the crane setup," one said.   "No dumpster or truck though."

Xander looked at the boss.  "Ten," he called back.

Xander checked his watch then nodded.  "Okay, so let's deal with the lines."  He pointed at the exposed ends of the water, sewer, and gas lines.  They had all been shut off after the explosion.  "We can use the crane to dig them up.  We'll have to smooth and fill in pits anyway."  They nodded, getting some shovels to help and the crane operator to help them rip out the old pipes.  They'd have to lay completely new ones.  Codes had went up since these had been built.

Seven hours later Xander got done with everything and went to clean up at the water tub's spigot.  He got his hands, face, and hair cleaned of the dirt, taking some dish washing detergent some of the guys used as hand soap to do his hair quickly.   When he had it rinsed he flipped upward, sending the water down his back.  "Ah!  Refreshing!"  He grabbed a few paper towels to do his hair on the way to the car.  "See you tomorrow on time, boss," he called as he walked past the trailer.

He changed his shirt once he got into his trunk.  His pants were dusty but he'd get in trouble changing them in the open.  The porta-potties were out of the question.  Too small to maneuver in.  He drove to Joyce's, finding the house alive with music.  He got out and grabbed the important slip.  Plus his wallet he had locked in his glove box.  He checked, it was still full.  He tucked it in his front pocket and headed inside after locking his car.  "Oh, my family!" he shouted as he walked in.

"Xander!" Willow shouted.

Xander stared at her then at Joyce.  Who shrugged.  "I don't know.  Buffy doesn't either.  How did the meeting go?"

He smirked.  "Family dinner?"

She beamed.  "Congratulations!"  She gave him a hug.  "They're at the Magic Box.  Something is coming up."

"Cool.  We can have the family dinner there."  He walked out with her, helping her into his car.  He got in to drive.  Willow hopped in the back.  He ignored her for now.  "So," he said, backing down her driveway.  "We have a huge announcement.  Including that I'm cutting back to three-quarters time at work."

"So something sold?" Willow asked.

Xander glared at her.  She shrank back.  He smiled at Joyce again.  "Dinner was so good and went so long I had to crash on Cordy's couch."

"Wonderful."

"She has a ghost, did you know that?"  He drove her down to the Magic Box, parking and letting them out.  He locked the car and made sure he had everything, walking inside.  Everyone stared at him.  Willow moved around him to sit down.  Tara shifted away from her.  "Yesterday's meeting went *very* long."  He stepped down off the steps in front of the door.

"Give already!" Buffy complained, nearly whining.

"We need to celebrate."  Tara squealed and bounced over to hug him.  He patted her, giving her a squeeze.  "I am cutting back my work hours to three-quarters time.  They did not want Tral, because they knew I didn't want to make it more serious.  They did still want the one I hated and the vampires one."  Buffy squealed and hugged him too.  He grinned.  "So we have to have a great celebratory dinner, ladies, and Giles."  He looked.  "And you Riley and Spike of course.  Since we need to research, we can eat over it."

Buffy stared at him.  "Are you staying?"

"For now.  Until it's impossible.  Then I'll come back when you need me to."  She nodded at that, letting him go.  He smiled.  "What am I ordering for dinner?"

"It's an apocalypse," Buffy quipped.  "Chinese is traditional."

"Good deal."  He called over there, making their usual order plus about twice as much because he was starving.  He called Willies' too to get Spike some blood.  Then he hung up and handed Spike a hundred.  "Willie's got your dinner, Fangless."  He walked over to the table.  "What's coming this way this time?"

"We're not sure yet," Buffy admitted.  "Someone said something at Willie's about something coming that wanted to drink our brains?"

Xander stared at her, then at Tara.  "That sounds familiar."  She nodded.  He looked at Buffy again.  "Are they about four feet tall, silver with blue marks, and have a snork-like antenna?"

She nodded.  "How did you know?"

"Because I wrote that before graduation?"

She groaned.  "Honestly?"  He nodded.  "Are they real?"

"Not that I've ever seen.  Do we think this is a fan thing?  I've never had to deal with fans before.  Outside of Jonathan wanting me to autograph one of the magazines I got published in."  He sat down after handing Tara his wallet.  "For the rent."  She nodded, pulling out enough for dinner.  "I added, Tara."  She pulled out a few more bills, making him grin.  "Make sure I pay the rent ahead tomorrow, okay?"  She nodded, tucking it into her pocket.  "I haven't seen them in any books, around town, nothing, Buffy.  I can go ask."

"Please," she agreed, closing the book in front of her.  "Giles was muttering that was impossible; head breathing tubes were usually underwater creatures."

"They are," Giles complained.  "You totally made up a new species?"

"Yeah, and they're scary because they eat flesh but they're not real as far as I know."  He shrugged.  "Tara, save me some."  He went to Willie's, finding Spike in there negotiating.  "Someone pranked Buffy?" he asked the bartender, getting a horrified look.  "The silver things with the head breathing tubes?  Didn't I *write* those?"

"He's had nightmares about them.  We had no idea she had heard that he was having a breakdown because whatever wouldn't let him sleep."

Xander nodded once at that.  "I'm glad I could scare him I guess but the story wasn't that scary really.  You guys totally flummoxed Giles."  Willie smirked at him for that compliment.  "Don't prank Buffy this week though.  It's *that* week."

"Thanks for the warning," Spike said dryly.  He grabbed his head as the bad thought set off his chip.  Willie handed him three packets of blood.  Xander stared at the bartender, who sighed and gave him an extra two, one that he had arranged, one for pranking the team.  "Ta," Spike said, putting them into his jacket so they could leave.  "You wrote those things?"

Xander nodded.  "Before grad."

"Always wondered what was wrong with your mind," he snorted.

Xander grinned.  "Clearly something good since I'm now going to be fully published."

"Bragging is for weenies," Spike shot back with an evil smirk.

"I'm allowed to be happy since no one thought me writing was worth anything.  Including Willow, Buffy, and Giles.  Joyce was the only one that supported me."

"You leaving then?"

"Not until I have to.  You guys need me around.  I doubt we'll keep Riley for much longer," he said quietly.

"He does have that smell of desperation," Spike agreed.  "Might go back to commando things.  What about those cults?"

"I was going to recheck my findings later," he admitted.  "I meant to earlier in the week but I had to sleep so badly."  He let him into the Magic Box, taking his carton of food.   "Mmm, beef," he moaned, taking his fork to dig in.  He smiled at the pile on the table.  "Apparently I'm the boogie man, or they are, that's keeping this one demon awake at night from nightmares."

Buffy shook her head with a small moan.  "Is it that scary?"

"No," he said with a grin.  "So maybe he's being cursed or something.  I don't know."  He ate a bite with a moan.  "Good food.  Ate breakfast in the car and had to eat off the truck for lunch."  Tara shuddered.  "It's not that bad."  He ate another bite.  "I'm going to recheck my findings on the cults tonight."  Buffy nodded since her mouth was full of noodles.  "They're getting to the point of borderline worrying," he told them.

"Your last report wasn't good," Buffy reminded him.

"I meant to recheck last week but I collapsed on the couch with Miss Kitty."

"You needed it," Tara reminded him.  "You had overtime that day."

He nodded.  "I remember, kinda."  He sighed and ate another bite.  "Patrol otherwise?"  Buffy shrugged.  "Bronze?"  They all nodded.  "K, let me check then I'll join you guys."  He walked out with his carton.

Tara looked at the stack.  "The rest can stay here or go home with us," she offered.  They all smiled and got a second carton to eat from.  It was good to have a good meal.  It'd go well with the dancing later.  Plenty of energy from chinese food.  You had to take the fun when you could, because Sunnydale would take it from you.  You had to learn how to go with whatever hand Fate had dealt you and take the happiness whenever you could to thumb your nose at the hellmouth.  Otherwise you lost the game of life.

The End.

Out-take 1: Oh, Those Days!

Xander goes to someone to get help for the purely human cults doing really bad crap in town.  Unfortunately, the Sunnydale PD hates the interference and act like the spoiled bitches they are.

Xander walked into an office building in LA the next day.  His boss had been taken to one of the cults' locations so he could see why Xander was taking the day off.  He had agreed it was creepy and necessary.  "Hi," he told the receptionist.  "I think my town has a problem cult that has higher weapons.  Can I talk to someone FBI-y or ATF-y about them please?"

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah.  I scouted them a few times to see when they got to the point of worrying.  Last night I saw one of them gathering machine guns.  Old ones but they were being checked over and it's a cult that believes buildings, literature, and science are evil."

"That sounds like something that should be more FBI than ATF," she decided, calling up there.  "Sir, I have someone here who has information on a cult that wants to destroy buildings and has guns."  She smiled at him.  "Where are you from, sir?"

"Sunnydale.  I can tell them updates on the other six we have in town."

She repeated that.  She nodded and hung up.  "He'll be right down, sir."

"Thank you."  He smiled, moving toward the elevators.  He went through the metal detector easily enough.  The agent was waiting for him on the other side.  "Hi, Xander Harris.  Construction crew lead in Sunnydale."

"Agent Epps."  He shook his hand.  "Six?"

"Yeah, unfortunately.  I even took tape."  He held up the dvd from Tara's video camera.  "I didn't get our hippie-ish one.  I haven't seen signs that they're more than enjoying being together in one big happy family sort of way.  The others, I'm not so sure you won't have to stop."

"Sure, we can look that over."  He took it and walked the kid to the elevators and up to his desk.  "Straight off the camera?"

"Yes."

He went to get a small player for it since his computer wouldn't.  He came back.  "So, construction guys usually worry about these things?"

Xander stared at him.  "I'm sure you guys have sworn about Sunnydale a few times."  The agent stared at him.  He smiled back.  "I also dabble and write fantasy novels."

"Hmm."  He ran the tape, frowning at what he could see and hear.  He took notes on his computer, also running a check on the kid next to him.  He looked at the result then at him.  "You were part of that military screw up?" he asked, sounding a bit cold.

"No, I was on the team that helped stop them," he said quietly.  "You might say a few of us watch over the town."

Epps stared at him for a minute.  "We heard rumors about a vigilante group up there."

"From the old Mayor's people?"  Epps nodded.  "You do realize that a few weeks back I helped the ATF get his stash of stolen and imported weapons, which he had been going to sell before he died during graduation, and the bomb he had that had a countdown in months running?"

"No," he admitted.  He called the head guy in the ATF, speaking quietly as he walked off.  He came back to stare at him.  "Okay, so you're one of those vigilantes but you guys are handling things the cops aren't because they're dirty?"

Xander nodded.  "Yeah, putting it nicely.  That's why we have so many deaths put down to gangs on PCP."

Don pulled up the town's stats, giving them an odd look.  "How do they float those?"

"The old Mayor was incredibly dirty.  He tried to blame some of his sins on our group.  Multiple times.  Part of the problem during grad was his doing to attack the students."  Don shuddered.  "Yeah, so."  He smiled.  "Since we do keep an informal eye on things that our boys in donuts won't handle, ever, I've been keeping track of the weapons coming in and out when I could.  Frankly, I'm surrounded by a British librarian, two girls, one former commando now, a friend, and a slightly outcast male."

"The commando can't?"

"He helped end his former unit too.  He stepped in a bit late as well."

"Okay.  Got that."  He looked at the film.  "Why are they blue and green?"

Xander shrugged.  "I don't care.  I care that in about a minute they're going to hold up a flask that's going to destroy buildings since they think buildings, literature, and science are evil.  That's above my skills and you guys would get pissed if we had to deal with it for you."

"Literature and science are evil because they give false ideas?" Epps guessed.  Xander nodded.  "Buildings house it so they want to destroy them and go back to something simpler?"

"Wooden houses ala Wild Wild West from what I've seen."

"The office in Texas had a group of them a few years back."  He made that note and moved on.  He paused it, showing him the weapon.  "Any idea what that is?"

"That is an anti-aircraft system that's supposed to be tank mounted.  Those are the missiles.  The rest is out back."

"Your officers didn't notice that?"

"That would require them to *patrol*."

"Good point I guess."  He let the tape go, seeing that the kid had filmed that too.   He looked at him.  "Good work, kid."

"Thanks.  I'll leave this in your officially sanctioned hands.  Unless I find them doing something really dumb, then I'll call afterward?"

"That'll work.  You guys are three hours away?"

"Just over depending on traffic."  He took the agent's card.  "Thank you."  He stood up. "Have fun with them.  Their addresses are on a file on there.  It's in WordPerfect but it should run somewhere around here since you guys are sucked into having to use Microsoft.  That file also has my prior notes on them and that other one I'm not worried about.  Have a good day."

"Kid, a few questions."  Xander sat back down.  "Your department still filthy?"

"Yeah.  You should see our online paper.  Today's had them bragging that they had handed out a hundred parking tickets this month.  It also had a three page obituary column after a party the other night got out of hand."  Don shuddered.  "The whole town has become...avoidant to it really.  They don't see it, don't want to see it, don't think about it, and tend to ignore it happening in front of them."

He got onto his web server, looking up that newspaper.  What he saw amused him.  The obituaries took a full minute to load.  The graphics heavy front page only took thirty seconds, and the obits had no pictures.  He stared at them then at the kid, who nodded.  "So you guys are helping?"

"We've reduced the death rate by about ten to thirty percent, depending on what time you're looking at and what was going on."

"Graduation?" he asked, staring him down.

Xander shrugged.  "I know all about the statute of limitations, Agent Epps.  I'm not saying a damn thing about that for the next fifty years."

"Bombs probably won't ever run out of time."

Xander nodded.  "Probably, but I'm not commenting.  The only thing I will say is that there was an assault.  That my group protected the normals and the average people there."

"Normals?"

"The willingly blind, let's put it that way."

"We have footage of that.  Blurry but taken from outside the event.  Apparently the people taping were running a bit late to the ceremony.  They showed people or something attacking people coming out."

"That was part of the Mayor's plan."

"Okay.  Where were *you*?"

"Making sure parents like that got out," he said simply and stood up.  "You have a good time with them, Agent Epps.  Like I said, they're beyond us with that level of weapons and things.  I can do many things, but I can't defeat anti-aircraft missiles or chemical weapons."  He left, handing over his visitor's pass to the receptionist.

Don called his team and his brother together.  "Bring an AV person," he told his brother.   He pulled up the files he'd need and took the DVD and case with him.  He didn't want that anywhere near LA.  He walked into the meeting, his brother came jogging in.  "There is a small town about three hours above us called Sunnydale," he said.

"FUBAR city?" David said dryly.  "What did they do this time?  I heard the ATF found a bunch of weapons with some help."

"They used to belong to the old Mayor," Don said.  "I just talked to a young man named Xander Harris."

Colby sat up, staring at him.  "He was in that group that stopped that bastard project up there, Don."

"Now his group is tracking the cults they have in town.  He has six on watch, one's harmless he thinks.  The others have weapons and things."  He handed the DVD to the AV person.  "That's tape of what he scouted recently.  Also, pull up the file from graduation up there.  I thought I saw him and it is an open case."

Charlie looked at him.  "What did the kid say about it?"

"That there was an assault and defense action.  That the people we got tape of being outside the event were the Mayor's."  They all smirked.  They had wondered.  "He refused to say a single thing about the bombs, citing statute of limitations.  I warned him that was thin.  He agreed.  We also apparently have the dirtiest department in the country up there. Charlie, pull up their online paper?"

Charlie set up his laptop to do that.  "One hundred parking tickets," he said dryly.  "Good money for the department."  He put it on the main screen.

"See if they have a crime list from last night?"

Charlie looked, shaking his head.  "No."  He looked up.  "Nothing listed, Don."

"Pull up their obits page."  Charlie put it up and stared at it.  "How...."

"That's what the kid pointed out when I asked why they weren't handling it.  I'm seeing PCP gangs, animal attacks, and one nice one by pitch fork."

Charlie looked it over.  "There's one here by decapitation due to sword or chainsaw."  He looked up.  "Isn't that a different sort of cut pattern?"

The AV tech looked over.  "It's a well known fact that their department has no idea what they're doing; half the time they're making up case results, and they have so many cases open that they don't care.  They don't come out unless it's something like a domestic homicide that they can use against someone or it's shoplifting, something that they can ruin a kid with.  They also have the lowest rate of those over forty-five in the US."  He went back to searching.  "One of my roommates in college was from there.  He had horrible nightmares."

"Was he at that graduation?" Colby asked.

"No, he graduated a few years earlier.  I asked him once.  He said, and I quote, seventeen people made it to his graduation."  He looked up again.  "I'm guessing his starting class was bigger than that."

"Damn it, how did we miss this?" Don asked, staring at the monitor.  The graduation film came up and he watched.  "Pause it."  It was.  "Back a few frames."  He did that.  "That's the kid that came today, Harris.  And he's got a battle axe in his hands."

Charlie stared at it then coughed.  "Go forward about ten minutes," he requested the tech.  He did that.  "Back."  The tape was slowly rolled back.  "Another few feet, into the bouncing."  He did that.  It was slowly inched forward.  He pointed at the head.  "There."  It was frozen.  "What's that?  Larry and I have wondered what that thing was since we found it on the tape."

Don tipped his head.  So did the rest of his team.  "I have no clue," Don admitted.  "A large snake?"

"Can you do a distance and height comparison?"  The tech pulled up that program.  It showed that the head was about fourteen feet across.  He looked at his brother.  "I don't think that's a snake."

"Would guns work against that thing?" Colby asked.

"That might be a good reason for the battle axe," Don decided.  David, his other teammate, was just staring.  "Any clue, David?"

"No.  But for some reason I want to run to a church.  I have no idea why I'm feeling that way but something in that is making me want to run now."

"You're not that religious," Charlie pointed out.

"I know.  It's bothering me.  Can we move on?"  The tech advanced it past that.  "Harris again," he pointed out.   "Taking on something so someone behind him can move out of the way."  He frowned.  "Damn it, what was going on?"

"I don't know," Don said.  "Think their very dirty PD will?"  They all looked at him.  "I don't like dirty cops.  I definitely don't like their dirty cops.  If a whole town is that dirty, then what else is hiding up there?  More weapons lines?  Drugs?  Illegal immigration?"

"They do have a harbor," Colby said.

Charlie pulled up a map of Sunnydale.  "Any idea where those cults are?"  The AV tech handed him the case through Don.  He put dots on the map.  "Colby, where was that project that sucked in your friend against his will?"

"Under the college."  Charlie put a dot there.   "Is it just me or is the town wrong somehow?  Proportionally maybe?"

Charlie studied it.  "Most towns put the city hall or the courthouse in the center.  This one put a high school."  He looked up.  "Seems like an odd choice to me."  He typed in something into the paper's window.  "They're rebuilding the high school right now.  There's a very nice article saying that Mr. Harris blew up the remains to ease the cleanup process.  He's listed as the interior crew chief."

"That's about what he said he was."  Don rubbed a hand through his hair.  "Something there is real wrong, guys.  Let's start with the cults and see?"  They all nodded.  The film from the cult was run.  "Don't ask me," he said when Charlie opened his mouth at the first non-human looking one.  "I have no idea.  His answer was because they wanted to look that way."  He sat down, watching the rest of it.  "That one.  Pause it.  That one is anti false ideals from books and science, hates buildings."  He waved for the AV tech to go on.  "He said that one's got the launcher out back and took pictures of it," he said a minute later.  They kept going, making their own notes.  He looked at his people once they were done.  "Anything on the records, Chuck?"

"Not yet."  He did a quick search.  "Three of them are listed as not being owned by a living person.  Two were condemned for all of a day then the orders were taken back.  Looks like a bribe to me."  He kept going.  "That's interesting.  Don."  He put that up onto the screen.  "Why is their sewer big enough to drive a mini cooper down?"

"It's big enough in some spots for a jeep," Colby said, frowning at it.  "So they have a literal underground community?"

"Or it's used by the old Mayor's people or the current people, to run illegal things," Don decided.  "See if Dad knows anything about them from when he worked for the state?  Or if anyone he knows has."  Charlie nodded, calling him, walking out of the room to do that.  He looked at them.  "I have no doubt, with that obit column, that the town's dangerous.  I'm not going to bust vigilantes who're helping.  Yeah, it's illegal, but apparently they're helping as far as I can tell.  If that changes we know where one of them is."  The screen wobbled and went dark, restarting Charlie's laptop.

"That's a hacker," the AV tech noted, isolating his system.  "Charlie!" he called.  "You got hacked!"  He came rushing in to check over his laptop.  He looked at Don.  "Let me know if you find more information."

"I will.  Can you do an evaluation on both those?"  He nodded and took everything he needed with him.  "Their department?"

"I can't tell," Charlie admitted.  "They shut it down and those sites."  He looked up.  "They used mine to hack the state and shut everything down."

"Have dad get backup copies.  I know they're in a dusty file drawer somewhere."  Charlie nodded, calling him to do that.  "This is getting me more and more interested."  He stood up.  "Let's start with the cults and move from there.  I don't want that anywhere, but especially not somewhere the good guys who aren't might take it to use it on their own."  They nodded, going back to their desks to start an investigation.  He went to look up more on Harris, if he could.  Most of it seemed blocked.

He did a google search, hoping that some other article in a paper mentioned the kid.  He hit a jackpot on the second page.  He got into that one, staring at the old personalized journal page.  An old online journal done by a young woman who said Xander was one of her best friends.  He ran the other names mentioned.  One was listed as missing, presumed dead.  One was also locked by that same program that made Colby swear.  One...  He smirked.  "Found the hacker," he told his brother.  "She's on a watch list, put there by the Sunnydale PD and her parents."

He read that note.  "Her parents are psychologists who go around lecturing.  I didn't know they had a child.  I had dinner with them a few years back."

Don looked at him.  "They didn't say anything?"

"No.  They wondered if the house plants were okay."  He sat down and took the keyboard to get into another site, finding their research and book site.  "There."  He got them on the personal section.  "No listing of a daughter."

"Maybe they're protecting her?"

Charlie pulled up a picture they had listed.  "No kid in the pictures they have either."  He handed back the keyboard.  "I'm wondering if there's a reason she's a hacker."  He walked off to call someone in that department.  "Hey, Bill, it's Charlie Epps.  Don had a question about some researchers and book authors you guys had in to speak a few months back.  The Rosenburgs.  We ran into someone who says they're her parents?"  He listened.  "Really?  And...."  He got cut off.  "Yeah, we think she's a hacker actually.  That would fit, right?"

He nodded.  "Thanks, Bill.  Please."  He hung up and walked back.  "They do have a daughter.  They go on extensive trips without her because apparently they think she's a genius so they leave her at home all the time, and a few people in the department who know that fact are waiting for them to be on a talk show some day to get chastised for their daughter blowing someone up.  Bill said that hacking would fit just as well."

Don smirked.  "That's child neglect, right?  Because Dad wouldn't have left you alone at the house even when you in college and under age."

"Yeah," Charlie agreed.  "It was.  Bill said someone turned it in.  The mayor took care of the case as it was told to them.  That there was no open case because the mayor had decided it wasn't worthwhile to study when so many other problems existed in the town."

"That's not a his job."

"No, it's not," Charlie agreed.  "A mayor would have nothing to do with social workers since they're a state agency."

Don typed something into his database.  "There's a welfare office in the county, not in Sunnydale, but they have no CPS social workers.  Just economic workers that sign you up for programs.  No WIC office in the town either.  It's outside the city."  He looked up.  "So the state maybe knows and is ignoring it?"

"If the mayor had power he probably blackmailed some people higher up."  He shrugged.  "I have no idea, Don.  It could've been protecting their people since the death rate's through the roof."

"I guess that's possible.  Colby, you know a social worker.  See why they don't have an office there."

He looked over.  "I called her already to check some statistics.  She hung up after telling me she couldn't talk about that town or the disease running through it even though the mayor was dead.  It sounded like she was ready to cry."  He rolled over a printout.  "That's the high school's enrolment from the state records.  This is the graduating class.  Notice the extra column of 'didn't finish due to running away/death'?"

"They have almost a perfect graduation rate for those who survive," Charlie said dryly.  "That's interesting."  He used Don's phone to call someone on campus.  "Hey, this is Charlie Epps in Math.  I'm wondering a few things while I'm helping someone with some statistical research.  I need to see some stats on the town of Sunnydale and their graduation rates, college attendance rates, that sort of thing.  Please.  Sure, I can pick it up or you can email it to me on the school's server.  Thank you."

He hung up.  "He said give him thirty minutes.  They keep track of those things for recruitment purposes."  He logged in on Colby's machine, getting into his email.  He found one from Larry and sent one back to Amita.  She'd check hers before Larry did.  That one came in and he printed it, including the very nice last page.  He held it up.  "It's good advice I think."  It said 'don't go into the town if you can't leave before dark and do not get notice from anyone.  Go through the local college instead of showing up representing ours.'  He looked it over.

"Most of the kids attend the local state school in town.  Almost no one appears to go elsewhere."  He let Don have the first sheet and that one.  "We have a statistic for recruits that died before graduation."  He looked at it.  "We had two people slated to come to our school who were accepted and then died."  He handed that over, staring at the next one.  "No way."  He looked at Don.  "This chart lists their school's stronger areas based on the state test's average score.  So we go looking for students in those specialities."  He held it up.  Every single bit was below average except a blip here and there.

"Wouldn't the state step in?" Don asked, taking that one to scowl at.

"Usually within two bad years," Charlie agreed.  "That goes back, what, twenty?"

"Twenty-five."  He looked up.  "Twenty-five years of really bad education, so probably a low preforming college branch.  Why didn't it get cut?"

"No clue," Charlie admitted.  "University of California cut two campuses a few years back due to poor enrolment and statistics.  I don't even know who to ask."

"So we have piss poor schools, a high death rate in your teen and twenties," Colby said.  "I'm not really surprised cults show up."

"I'm wondering why it took so long for their vigilante group to form," Don admitted.

Charlie shook his head. "Maybe someone got fed up finally or something new appeared that gave some of them hope."

David came over waving a paper.  "The state did not close the city down a few years back for being dirty because no one wanted to piss off the former Mayor.  It seems he had a few heads of places who showed up to fix things and they all had various accidents within a few days time.  Also, their hospital?  Selling something."  He handed those to Charlie.

"High income, little patients.  I'm not sure how they're not being sued by the families since they have a mortality rate among patients that's nearly double the town's."  Don took that one to look at.  He looked at them.  "The old mayor is dead.  Why isn't anyone looking into it now?"

"Status quos are hard to break," David said with a shrug.  "One of the people I talked to for the hospital data wasn't sure he was dead.  That he'd still get them."

"His blood was found on the stage where the explosion took place," Don said, handing it back.

"Um, Don," Colby said.  "The explosion wasn't on the stage.  It was in the school.  The ceremony was outside the school."

Don stared at him.  "You're sure?"

"Yeah.  I know one of the guys who went up on the investigative team."  He looked around.  "Tinker!"  He came jogging over.  "Cults in Sunnydale?"

"Doesn't surprise me in that town.  So?"

"One of the people that brought it to our attention was at the graduation," Don told him with a slight frown.  "Where was the explosion since some people we've talked to think the mayor's still alive?  It's looking like he's real dirty."

"He was.  The explosion was inside the school."

"Then why was only Wilkin's blood found on the stage?" Charlie asked.

He shrugged.  "I asked too many questions and got sent home."  He walked off.

"Internal Affairs," David said, heading that way.

"I'm going to go up there and talk to the cops themselves.  See what they have," Don decided, standing up.  "Colby?"

"Sure, I'm up for a road trip."  He smiled at Charlie.  "Let us know if you find anything."

"I can do that.  Be careful.  That town sounds really dangerous."  He watched them go, getting onto Don's computer.  It had better firewalls being FBI property.  The hacker got him later on but not before he found new information.

***

Colby walked into the coffee shop, spotting someone.  "Finn," he sneered.  Riley stiffened and stared at him.  "What are you still doing out of jail?"

"I did what I had to do," he said quietly.  "They were wrong."

"I don't care.  You still turned."

"And I'm paying for it," he assured him.  "What are you doing in this town?"

"We got news of a cult or five."

"Damn it," he muttered.

"You involved?"

Buffy stomped in and he handed her the coffee.  "Buffy, the cults?"

"We can't handle what they're doing," she said quietly.  "I'd rather have it be handled than us having to deal against chemical weapons."

He nodded.  "That makes sense."

"Xander said he would."

"He did.  This is Agent Colby Granger of the FBI.  His cousin was on one of the teams."

She stared at him.  "Buffy Summers.  Please ignore them trying to arrest me for killing a robot?"

He stared at her.  "I knew there was a problem but that bad?" he asked quietly.  She nodded.  "Are you familiar with Harris?" he asked very quietly.

"Had dinner with him last night."

"Good.  Follow.  You too, Finn."  He walked them outside and over to the SUV and Don.  "This is former Captain Riley Finn, Initiative, and Miss Summers.  Guys, this is Special Agent Don Epps.  He's the head of our team."

He stared at her.  "We have one really grainy video from graduation that showed you fighting," he admitted quietly.

"Really?  I thought they confiscated them all."

He smirked.  "One of the agents accidentally gathered it into evidence during the investigation."

"Which took all of fifty minutes and then it was ruled a gas leak," she said with a nod.  "Were they already here since it happened within an hour?"

He stared at her.  "That's a very good question," he decided.  "Get in.  Let's go for a drive."  They got into the back.  Colby got into the front.  He drove them off.  "What do we know about what's going on?"

"They had dinner with Harris last night," Colby told him.

"Interesting.  So you're both on the vigilante-slash-protection team?  I'm going to assure you we are not here for you, we don't care about you at this moment unless you guys screw up majorly.  We are here about those cults and the possible dirty department locally."

"I head it," she admitted.

"Okay, that's good.  How bad is your department?"

"They tried to get me for killing a robot that had hit me and was going to hurt my mother," she told him.  Don glanced back at her.  She nodded.  "They're so dirty to the old mayor they were making up charges."

"I've kept informal information on how bad I've seen them be," Riley admitted.  "Unfortunately we had to rescue a few people who deserved to be in jail but not that jail.  They got handed to the state police instead.  That way they'd survive."

Don nodded once.  "Survive?"

"Survive," Buffy agreed.  She looked at Riley.  "You're still doing that?"

"I'm up to my third notebook already this month."

"Can we get those?" Don asked.

"Of course.  I know I need to cooperate with investigations."

"Good.  Where are you staying, kid?" Don asked.

"Left, up two blocks.  Halfway on the right."  Don nodded, making that turn.  They got out with Riley and went in there to see what information he had gathered.  Don looked at his other stack of photos.  "Problems?"

"I'm not so sure about part of the group at the moment.  It's been dividing some of us off."

"Why?" Colby asked.

"Harris' ex and one of the original team were caught cheating."

"That'd do it to any team," Don said.  "Sex destroys working relationships."  He looked through those.  "Is that a flame thrower?"

"It was necessary," Buffy assured them as she walked in.  "Riley's mad or something because we found out that the cheating thing seems to be pretty much all over the team."  Riley let out a nervous laugh.  She looked at the agents again.  "It's been causing problems but Xander is not the reason.  The problems were the reason."

Don nodded.  "Sex can mess up many things in a team, Miss Summers."

"Glad I never slept with Xander then," she quipped.  She checked her watch.  "You guys need to book soon to get home in time for closing."

"We were warned about after dark being more dangerous," Colby assured her with a smile.  "Finn, any other information you have?"

He dug out something.  "That might help, it might not.  It's from the base's files."

He nodded, tucking that into the bag he carried.  "Thank you, Captain," Don said.  He looked at Buffy.  "We'll be looking into those cults in a few days."

"If the cops don't get down on them for getting attention?" she suggested.

"If so, we'll focus on the department since it's so dirty."  He smiled and she grinned.  "Thank you for your help."  He left with Colby.  He saw an officer watching from his car and waved.  "They gave us directions."  He got in to drive.  Colby got into his seat.

"No!  Out!" Buffy shouted from the window.  They got out of the SUV in a hurry.  Which was good since it went up.  She came jogging down.  "You two okay?"  They nodded.  "Damn, that sucks."

"How did you know?" Don asked her, staring her down.

"Believe it or not, I heard a click."  Xander came jogging with a fire extinguisher.  "Any idea?"

Xander grimaced.  "Camera in the donut shop," he said quietly as he worked.  "You're Feds, you can get there first."  Don went to confiscate that tape.  He looked at the other guy then tossed him something.  "My car's dirty, do not look in the trunk because it's patrol and necessary supplies," he said bluntly.  "Take it and get out of town.  It's in the parking lot of the grocery store at the moment."

"Going," he agreed, putting the bag across his shoulder and down to his hip on the opposite side.  "Thanks, kid.  We'll leave it somewhere safe."

"Give it to Angel Investigations.  Their secretary Cordelia can watch it for me until I can pick it up this weekend."

He nodded, going to get Don and hike that way quickly.  Buffy and Riley followed subtly, looking like they were running them out of town.  Once they got into the car and made it past the city limits, Colby looked at him.  "Harris said to not check the trunk.  It's necessary supplies for patrol and things.  He called it dirty."

"Probably means that there's weapons."  Don considered it.  "Where are we dropping it?"

"I'll call and find out."  He called the office.  "David, us.  The SUV got blown up.  Harris gave us his car to escape in.  We're on our way back, just passing the exit for the next town toward us.  We're to leave it at a place called Angel Investigations?"  He looked it up and gave him an address.  "Thanks, man.  Now, look up Buffy Summers and tell me how she heard a click of a bomb from inside a building?"  He looked her up.  "Hmm.  You know what?  See if one of our hackers can get past that.  Thank you."  He hung up.   "Surprisingly her background is blocked by the Initiative."

"What were they doing?"

"Very bad things," Colby said simply.  "Finn was right to have stopped it but I still don't like that he turned on his own unit to do it."

"I get that," he agreed.  "Where are we heading?"

"LA.  They're in our town."

"Good."  He pulled into a State Police barracks and paused, going inside.  "Special Agent Epps, FBI."  The desk sergeant called out their boss.  He shook his hand.  "We were in Sunnydale investigating a few cults that have apparently sprung up."

"Doesn't really surprise me about that place."

"We're talking chemical weapons and regular higher powered artillery at the moment.  While there, our SUV was blown up."  He nodded once at that. "Can you get a team to get the remains?"

"No way they're still there.  We all know they're dirty but they're efficient in hiding it when outsiders come in."

"What do you know about the town?"

"Too much for my own safety and yours," the captain assured him with a smile.

"Can you send us that so we can look into it?"

"I might be able to but the higher ups would rather that cesspool stay safely contained in that town."

"I'm sure my bosses will feel the same but I don't want chemical weapons outside of it."

"True.  I'll see if I'm allowed.  Higher ups hate that town."

Don nodded.  "Thank you."  He shook his hand and left.  Colby had kept the car running.  "Higher ups aren't allowed to talk about it because they want it there instead of everywhere else."

"I'd be embarrassed too."  He held up a journal with pictures on the page.  "Beyond the cat on the page, he noted that they took six kids into the station and only two left."

"They could've been charged."

"This is a count of who left alive, Don."

"I see."  He considered that.  "We'll correlate to any reports in the system.  The whole state's PD databases are merged now.  Theirs has to be too by state law."

He looked over the notes.  "He was as thorough as he could be I guess.  Some names, dates definitely.  Offenses if he knew them.  Huh, loitering got you sixty days in the jail."

"That's absurd," Don complained.  He pulled back onto the interstate.  "Am I paranoid or is that a Sunnydale car behind us?"

He looked then nodded.  "That's theirs."  He called.  "David, we're headed back on the interstate.  We're being trailed by a Sunnydale city cop.  Yeah, well outside of it, no one in the back so they're not transporting, no lights or sirens.  Thank you.  We just paused at one and the told Don they'd rather leave the crap in one area than have it spread."  He hung up.  "He'll get us some support."

"I hate being paranoid about my own people," Don said.

"Me too, man.  Me too."  He glanced back in the mirror.  "He's not looking happy back there."  Two black SUV's pulled up and stopped the cop car.  He smirked.  "Magic movements."

"Yeah they are."  He honked and kept going.  They found their boss waiting on them.  "What, you're going to protect them too?" he demanded.

"Watch your tone," he said.

"No.  I've already been told that the corruption there leads back here and through most of the state's agencies."

"There are people who are afraid of Mayor Wilkins and whatever sort of power he has that can make people die suddenly," he said bluntly.  "I don't want to lose my team to that same power."

"Kinda hard to do since he's dead," Colby said bluntly.

"He is not."

"He is.  He died in the explosion at graduation."

"You can't prove that," he assured him.

"I can."  He pulled out something.  "Someone slid that into my pocket earlier.  Colby watched it when we changed out cars since we had to have a resident help us out of the town before they tried to kill us."  Their boss moaned, sitting down again.  "On it is a complete, really unbelievable tape of the graduation ceremony in question.  Now we know why some of them had swords and battle axes," he finished dryly.   "Wilkins died.  His lackeys are still in charge.  The town's still got a very high death rate thanks to what he put into motion.  We still have cults up there with chemical weapons and artillery.  I don't want it there or possibly coming here."

"I don't either," he sighed, looking at him.  "Is it a good report?"

"It happened, the AV tech we watched it with said it wasn't manufactured, taped together, nothing.  It's straight from the camera," Colby told him.  "We stopped there to ask too after we needed Tums."  He handed over the player he was carrying.  Don put the disc in and let it run.  Their boss watched, staring in horror at what was going on.

"What the hell?" he demanded, looking up.  "Our techs say it wasn't fooled with?"

"Nope," Don said with a small shrug.  "Considering some of those cults don't look human, I'm not sure what to think and I'm not sure I really care.  I still don't want anything non-human to have artillery or chemical weapons either."

"I can see that point."  He went back to watching.  "Who are these people letting the civilians go?"

Colby walked around.  "That is Miss Summers.  Background file in the system but it's locked by the Initiative.  That is Willow Rosenburg.  A hacker we have on a watch list thanks to her parents and the old mayor.  She also has a locked file."  He paused.  "Some of the kids in the class that .... there he is.  Harris.  Apparently he led this part while Miss Summers baited the former mayor and human."  They watched as it went on.  "Explosion," he warned quietly.  It went up and their director flinched.  "Which means that some of our people falsified the report," he finished, looking down at him.

Don nodded.  "Tinker apparently knew, that's why he got sent back.  The kids said they spent about fifty minutes, agreed it was a gas explosion, and left.  Our records say they spent two weeks up there.  We're not sure where they were at the other times."

Their assistant director looked at them.  "Who runs Sunnydale now?"

"The former assistant Mayor.  Wilkin's lackeys."

"How was he making people die?"

"He sicced those things on others," Colby said.  "They're all over the world, sir.  He had connections."

"How did he do that?  Is that something people in the know can do?"

"I asked that when we handed Harris' car to his friend here in LA, after we watched it.  She said it took him a century, a lot of deals I won't elaborate on or use what she called them," Don snickered at that, "and that it kills most people who try.  If not, there's women like Miss Summers whose job it is to fix that."

His boss nodded.  "I can see that point.  How did you know about the bomb?"

"Summers warned us.  She said she heard the click we didn't."

"We don't know how," Don admitted.  "That files' sealed too."

"Can we get them unsealed?"

"It'd be easier to just ask," Colby admitted.  "I had a friend who got assigned there and sucked in.  The Initiative were closed for a very good reason, sir.  A lot of it having to do with torture."

His boss winced.  "Dead and gone?"

"As far as we know.  Riley Finn is up there still helping out."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was dating Summers," Colby told him.  "Or else he's really woosed up because he reacted to her pout about not bringing her coffee."

"They did seem like a couple," Don agreed.  "By the way, that same Harris there was the same one the ATF nearly busted for buying explosives but it turned out to be a legitimate buy for a construction company.  He blew the rest of the high school for the construction people he works with.  He's also the same Harris that told them how to find the Mayor's former stash of weapons."

"From what we heard, he had a huge bomb," Colby agreed.  "Probably to waste the town once he was done nibbling on it."  He looked at his team leader.  "So?"

"I don't want any sort of being, whatever they are, with those weapons.  I don't care what it is.  I wouldn't care if it a supply depot for Angels."

"Agreed," his boss said.  "I'll assign someone to see how deep that rot went in that town and among us."  He stood up, handing over the player.  "Good job surviving.  Very stubborn of you."

Don shrugged.  "My dad would bring down that town if they killed us."  He gave him a smirk.  "I'm sure Charlie can figure out how to do it easiest."

"He'd probably ask Harris," Colby quipped.  "It seems he knows that stuff real well."

"He did.  I'm not sure if he built the bombs for that problem or not.  Right now, I don't really care.  He was protecting people.  He was doing our job because we were scared.  What're we doing about that team?"

"If we can clean up the town, get it back under control, whatever Summers is could move onto the next horrible area," Colby suggested.  "By the way Chase talked, she's somehow made to do this stuff.  Oh, small interesting fact.  Charlie looked up Harris' profile online to find out more about him.  That was the call I made.  He texted back that he is an up and coming fantasy writer.  Has published a few short stories in fantasy and sci-fi mags."

"With what they're doing I'm sure it's easy for him to do," Don said with a small shrug.  "Any idea if he's showing other skills?"

"Charlie asked someone who read those mags.  The first story wasn't much.  Good but not great.  The second one had military characters and Charlie said they sounded like me."

Don quirked up an eyebrow.  "He doesn't have military training that I know of."

"He doesn't."  He smirked.  "No idea how he got it either.  No one in his family had military service that we could find."

Don nodded once.  "So, training from the stuff they handle?"

"That was within eight months of him starting up there.  Did you see a DI figure to train them?"

"No," Don admitted.  "So how?"  Colby shrugged. "Something bothering you about that?"

"Just that it was an anomaly that probably helps them a lot.  They all seemed like late teens outside of Finn."

"They were.  It's something to ask if we have to question him."  He walked out with Colby, going back to their desks.  He dropped the dvd in front of his brother.  "Graduation, the full film."

Charlie ran it on his laptop, staring at it.  He looked confused.  "Latin?" he muttered, turning the sound up.  That's how they all heard the ripping noises that was coming from the former man.  He paused it then looked up.  "I guess I know why it had a fourteen foot wide head."  Don flopped down, nodding.  Charlie kept going, staring at it.  "Harris looks good leading the defensive action.  The blonde girl is...being a piece of snake bait.....  Oh, damn," he said when the school went up.  He shut down the play, looking at them.   "Interesting."

"Very," Don agreed.  "We have five cults with chemical and other weapons.  We want them stopped as soon as humanly possible."  David looked at his computer, moving to arrange for some surveillance work.  He looked at Colby.  "Did Harris remind you of anyone?"

"Suddenly appearing out of the blue with something we needed?  The ammo fairy?" he guessed with a grin.

"No.  Not like that.  Though, yeah, he probably could be.  Did you look in his trunk?"

"No.  Because I don't want to know.  Right now, he's on our side, he's doing some of our job for us, he's good with me until that changes.  Then I'll worry what he's got in his trunk."

Charlie looked at them.  "Why would we worry about that?"

"He told us not to look," Don told him.

"Oh."  He reran the video to watch it.  "Harris is in charge of the battle."  Don and Colby came over to watch that.  "He's giving orders.  He field commanded everyone but the blonde."

"That could have something to do with how she heard the bomb click from inside and we didn't," Don offered.  "Those idiots up there that they shut down for being asses had a sealed file on each of them."

"I'm not sure who locked it," Colby said.  "If it was a hacker, ours might be able to crack it.  If not, it's probably Pentagon ordered sealed."

"Can we figure that out?"

"Yeah."  He moved to call a contact he had in the computer techs.  "Hey, look into a file and tell me who sealed it?"  He read off the number for Summers' file.  He leaned back, listening to her.  "Really?  No, it's relating back to a few of our cases.  Please."  He hung up.  "They are triple sealed.  Pentagon.  NSA, who admittedly had a hand in that fiasco too.  And hacker sealed on top of theirs so they can't get into them either.  Whichever hacker this is turned a bit paranoid.  She locked other files that they did and made some of them disappear."

Don smirked.  "Do we think it's their team's hacker Rosenburg?"

"Could be.  There's been a few other hackers on the list from Sunnydale," Charlie said, looking up at Don.  "One that's listed as dropped out of sight."

Don got into that file to look it over.  He ran it through immigration.  Then he updated that file for them.  "He's in Tibet.  I'm not sure if they have internet access there."  He looked at his team again.  "Let's start with the chemical weapons or do we want the artillery first?"

"How close together are they?" David asked.

"Pretty.  Within six blocks for all the groups.  But I'm not going to sit surveillance without backup, Don.  Not until we figure out who tried to blow us up."

"I agree.  Think they'd help?"  He saw someone come off the elevator and frowned.  "What are you doing here?"

"You're paying attention to the wrong thing.  Channel 4 is just literally humming in pleasure."

Charlie got onto their website's live feed, staring at it.  "The chemical weapon people moved."

"No."  She smirked, getting into another file.  "Familiar address?"

Don stared.  "That's their compound."

"Yup."

"That had a fire?"

She nodded.  "Heard from the gang up there.  The cops are hellishly pissed at you guys for that.  Any others you wanted to destroy?"

"Then who used the chemicals to blow up an outlying science building on campus?" Charlie asked.

"Duh, curly."  She looked at Don again.  Then she smirked.  "Want me to tell them you'll be back?"

"Yeah.  Tomorrow first thing."  She smirked meanly at him.  "Any other advice."

"Never be there after dark.  Not without one of the gang."  She left, going back to work.

"Hey, boss?" Don called.  He came out of his office so Don waved him over.  Charlie replayed the story.  "That's the one that hated buildings and things."  Charlie changed stories.  "That's their compound and from an associate here in town we've learned that the police probably did it instead of them."

"Clean up that town, then worry about the weapons while you're doing it, Epps.  Anyone hurt?"

"Not that they've reported but reporters can't get near the scene," Charlie admitted.  He looked something up, finding a phone number.  Women always had cellphones close at hand, right?  "Mrs. Summers, I'm Charile Epps, I'm helping the FBI with a cult case up there and saw that they had a fire earlier and then somehow blew up a building.  Do we have any idea what is going on up there?  No, ma'am, I'm calling you because we've seen a full tape of graduation.  Some of us also talked to your daughter earlier about these cults."  He listened, nodding at that.  "Thank you.  Please do.  Do you have Caller ID?"  He smiled.  "That's fine.  Yes, that's what we were wondering.  No, we have no desire to step on your daughter's duty, ma'am.  We have no idea what she is, we frankly don't care at this moment.  We're more concerned about the police department."  He wrote down something.  "Thank you, that could be very helpful.  Please do have someone call us if something obvious comes to light that we won't have heard.  Thank you, ma'am."  He hung up, handing it to Don.  "Their records storage area."

"Duty?" Colby asked.

"That's what she said."

Colby nodded.  "That's what we heard from Chase too."

Don nodded.  "I'm not going to worry about it.  She's not the problem, she's a problem solver.  Until she goes after normal people who aren't a problem, I'm out of that outside of watching somewhat."

They all nodded, including his boss.  "Go to it, Epps.  Since the cult was your case."

"It'll be dark by the time we get up there," David said more quietly.  "I think there's a reason we were warned, sir.  Most of their deaths do take place at night by the statistics.  Also, they're not hooked into the state system.  They put some older ones on there.  More of a test run then it got shut down."

"That's against state law," the boss said with a shrug.  "Fix it."  He walked off.

"Charlie, get Dad to give us everything he can on Sunnydale.  Tonight."  He nodded, calling him.  "Guys, I want maps."  They moved to plan the invasion to clean up that filthy department.  They could be up there to look over the cult's demise but they wouldn't be there for just that reason.  "Chuck, see if Edgerton is on this coast and available too," he said suddenly.  "I don't know why but I want him there if possible as a backup plan."

Charlie found his number in the database for agents.  His desk phone was switched to his cellphone ninety percent of the time.  "Ian, Charlie Epps.  Don wanted to know where you were.  Because he thinks he might need backup plans to save his whole team.  Cults."  He smiled.  "No, some dirty officers just blew them up and used their plans to destroy a building in Sunnydale."  He sat up straight, listening to him.  "Yeah, that's Don's case."  He nodded, taking down a file number.  "Thank you.  Please.  Don?"  He came over to get the phone and walk off.  Charlie got into the file, staring at it.  He started to snicker.  "Um....."

Don came back to look.  "Robots?" he demanded.  He nodded once.  "Please."  He hung up.  "They're so cracked."  He walked off shaking his head.  "They arrested Summers for killing a robot.  Tried to charge her with homicide."

The rest of the team just nodded at that.  It was the only thing they could do with that sort of information.

***

Xander looked up from his job when his name was called, holding up a finger and saying something to the guys he was working with before walking over there.  "Yes, Officer?" he asked.

"Did you get those Feds down here, boy?" he sneered.

"No.  Did they say I did?"

"You gave them your car."

"They're Feds.  Don't you think blowing them up would've maybe brought more?  Like most of them?"  The officer gave him a horrified look.  "I know damn well *I* didn't plant that bomb since I had been halfway across town when it was planted.  There's not many other people around here who can build pipe bombs with remote detonators."  He stared at the officer.  "I was trying to save the city being Fed'd to death when they came down here like a ton of shit to figure out what happened to their agents."

"But...  We all know what you guys do," he pointed out.

Xander shrugged.  "Yay, then do some of it for us since it's the job."

The officer sneered.  "Not mine.  I don't get paid for that."

"Neither do I," he said sarcastically.  "And you're taking me away from my paying job.  Feel lucky we managed to evacuate them and they didn't arrest every single person they thought might be involved."

The officer stomped off.  Xander shook his head.  "The whole department hired for stupid," he muttered as he walked back to work.

His boss looked at him.  "Problems?"

"Someone kindly tried to blow up a few federal agents yesterday."

He slowly nodded.  "So why come see you?  To see if you had made the bomb?"

"No.  I gave them my keys so they could get the hell out of town before someone tried again and we all got ambushed by the Feds for every little thing.  Because if they had managed to kill them, we'd have half of DC in this town by now."

"Yeah, I think we might.  Sucks to be in City Hall if they are coming."

Xander nodded.  "Definitely but oh well.  I didn't build the bomb.  I just helped the evacuation of them."  He grinned.  "He decided I was the reason we had Feds in town to look at a few cults."

"We have cults?"

"That thing at the college and the fire up on North?  Was a cult.  The thing up at the college was made to look like the cult since the fire was someone kindly burning them inside their compound."

"Aw shit," he muttered, kicking the dirt.

"We have five others but one's pretty hippie and peaceful.  The others?  Weapons mostly.  I found a *pretty* anti-aircraft system at one's backyard."

He shuddered.  "I might call a vacation if they show up.  A few of our guys are illegals."

"We all know what I'll be doing," Xander quipped with a grin.

His boss snorted.  "More elves?"

"Tral's a pretty cool elf.  He likes virgin priestesses who flirt.  He drinks.  He's a fun guy but I have to find more stories in that uni."

"I don't need to know until they're published.  Then I'll see."  He walked off happier.

Xander shrugged.  "Guys, fair warning.  There was a duo of FBI boys in town yesterday.  Someone tried to blow them up."  They all groaned.  "We're waiting to see how bad this'll become."

"The Feds show up here and I'm going," one promised.  "I don't want to be in the same state."

"Interestingly enough, the FBI managed to get a tape of what happened here," Xander said with a smirk.  "Someone's dropped camera from graduation got put into evidence.  So they have a partial tape."  They all smirked at that.  Most of them had some idea that graduation wasn't really a gas explosion but they all figured it was a covered-up gang action.  "So if they come, I'm thinking they're going to be hellishly pissed but not with the normals."

The guy shrugged.  "I don't care, Xander.  I'm going to be hiding."

"Sure, do that."  He smiled.  "Call off those days if you don't quit."  He nodded, getting back to work.   "That goes for everyone else.  Remember to call off if you're hiding.  The same as I will be if they try to question me for any reason."  He hopped back down into the pit to help loosen up the pile so the crane could grab it easier.  He waved it down once they were out of the way, letting it pick up more stuff.  "I gotta say, I may have overplanned the explosion," he quipped.  "But it was pretty."  They all laughed and nodded.

The foreman looked over at the parking lot.  "Hey, Harris?  Fanclub's here."

"Local, state, or Feds?" he called back, not moving.

"Black SUVs.  Feds."

Xander groaned and got out, going over to look at them.  "Yes, what can I do for the ATF and the CIA?" he asked, staring at one.  "Hi again."

"You're from here?" he asked, looking confused.

"I told you I was on a post-grad roadtrip and got stranded when my car broke down."  He looked at the others.  "What's up, guys?"

"Sir, do you know where the anti-aircraft missile system is?  That address is now empty."

"Hmm."  He texted someone, getting an answer back.  "No it's not."  He smiled.  He called.  "Tara, meet me and agents on fifth?  Oops, I forgot you have class.  The annoying bitch there?"  He grinned.  "Sure.  She can help the Feds."  He hung up.  "Let's go."  He got into the back of the SUV after he waved at the boss, getting a nod back.  They drove off and he leaned over.  "For future reference, that is the PD's concealed stolen from evidence area," he told them with a point.  "Apt. 2.  My uncle had to help them once for community service because their old one flooded."

The agent not driving gave him a strange look.  "How long have you been in this town, sir?"

"I was born a block from the stupid former high school," he said with a smirk.  "My uncle's the town drunk driver and former ambulance driver."

"Gotcha," the agent said.  "So you know the town really well?"

"Better than some residents.  Why?"

He pulled out the maps they had and held one up.  "What're those?"

"Dangerous underground highways.  I would not go down there, even with a strike team."

"Why?" the agent beside him asked.

"For the same reason that you probably went 'I wonder what sort of condition makes him look like that' on some of the video feed I turned over on the cults," Xander said blandly.

The agent shuddered.  "Gotcha.  How dangerous?"

"Depends on the being.  Some are very nice.  Some are very peaceful and just want to exist.  Some, and most of those look more human, aren't.  They will kill you, they will cackle, and they will have a grand old time with your body."

All the agents nodded.  "Then we won't," the driver agreed.  "What is Summers?"

"Human but special.  Meant to be that way.  She likes dangerous guys and she's only minimally attached to Finn if you guys wanted to flirt.  We'd all appreciate her having a boyfriend who was *good* and dangerous at times."

"Married," a few said.

"How did you know that guy was CIA?"

"Stripping after I broke down.   If you want details, ask him."  He smirked.

"Will he try to put us in a secret prison if we find out?" the driver asked.

"I guess that depends on how paranoid he is about people finding out he went to a strip joint."

"Hmm," the passengers said, shaking their heads.  "Not worth the risk," the one in the passenger's seat decided.  Xander just grinned.  "You hinting you need someone dangerous too?"

"I'm newly single after my last ex cheated with my former best female friend.  Who you'll be seeing soon.  There.  The redhead."  They pulled in and he got out.  "Willow, back yard."

She nodded, going back there.  She groaned and undid the spells.  The house suddenly got taller and the weapons all got a fond look by the agents and CIA person.  "Why are you guys after them?"

"Because they're dangerous," the CIA guy told her simply.  "Don't you think people who hoard this sort of gear is dangerous, Miss Rosenburg?"

"How do you know me?" she said coolly, glaring at Xander.

"I didn't tell them."

"The Initiative's files had one on you.  I managed to see it before you  locked it.  It went along very well with the reports from the city that you're a dangerous hacker and the ones from your parents saying you were just wrong and probably going to get into trouble."

"That would be *their* fault," Xander said quietly.  "Not hers."  He walked around them, staring at things.  "Guys, something's missing."  Willow glared at him.  He stared back.  "I did scout them the other day, Willow."  He went over it.  "There," he said with a point.  "There was a black locking case there."  He walked over to look at the indents in the ground.  "Six feet?" he guessed.

The guys walked over to look.  "Black?"  Xander looked up and nodded. "Writing?"

"Not that I saw from the fence.  Maybe on the top?  Not on the handle side."

He walked the dents to see how long they were.  "Six feet, two and a half inches or so," he called.  One of his guys did a search with those parameters.

"With the padding, that would probably five and a half feet of useable space," Xander said, considering it.  "But I've never seen a case like that.  It wasn't a military issue case."  He considered it, standing up.  He looked around.  "It was just thicker than that one," he said with a point, walking over.  "Which is seriously classified."  He considered it.  "Do they make professional cases like they do for sniper rifles for artillery?"

"No, but you could probably set something up.  Paint the old box."  He looked inside that one, shaking his head.  "We've got a missile tip missing."

Xander looked.  "It's been a while though.  It's dusty."  He blew across it, getting a cloud of dust.  "This one's been opened too."  He stood up and went inside since the agents had confiscated everyone.  He walked up to the main demon's body, kicking him over.  "Where is the black case?" he demanded in the common demon language he knew.  "If you tell me I won't tell them about the women in the basement.  If they find them, they do but I won't tell them."

He swallowed.  "The black case was taken by Haralat."

"To?"

"City Hall.  They are evil."

Xander nodded.  "I know that."  He squatted down.  "I work with the slayer," he said simply.

"We know of you."

"Then you know that she won't tolerate this level of danger."  He nodded at that.  "Tell the agent there how you got the weapons.  It can only hurt you.  Maybe they can find some way to deport you."

"I will.  Will she help us take them down?"

Xander smiled.  "These guys are federal agents.  Yesterday two of them nearly got blown up by the local department," he said quietly in English, making the demon moan.  "I don't think your friend needs to help.  Or mine."  He stood up.  "He said a friend named Haralat took the black case to City Hall to fight the evil."  The agent called that in.  He walked away from the demon.   He pulled the CIA guy aside.  "There's non-cons I will not tell you about," he said simply then walked off.  He had to get back to work.

The CIA guy nodded.  "Okay then."  He went inside.  "We searched the house?"  They all nodded.  "Fully?"

"Basement up," one agent assured him.  "I have no idea what we're going to do with them, sir.  I doubt most prisons will want to hold them."

"There is a place in LA that my kind come through," the head demon said.  "We can be deported."

"You guys hoarded major weapons," the head ATF agent told him.  "You're trying to destroy things, even if they are evil."

"There are others who will be fighting the evil for us.  Some of us were brought here and sacrificed by Wilkins," he said then spat.  "We owed him for it.  We were going to bring down his people since the Jaleared has taken care of him."

"Who?" the agent asked.

"The one who fights," another said, looking at their captors.  "She removed him from calling others to harm.  He took seven hundred of our people in fifty years to sacrifice for power.  We will not see this evil walk the earth any longer."

"Boys, that's partially why we're here," the head agent pointed out.  "Our bosses and the prosecutors will have to decide that.  Because what you did was illegal, even though it's righteous."

"Our people believe we are martyrs anyway," the head demon assured him.  "If it must be so, then so be it, but we will stop him one way or another."

The head agents both nodded.  The CIA guy squatted down to look at him.  "Is there a cell backing you up?  Support staff that should be told to stand down and wait for us to do our part first?"

He stared at him.  "He said he would not tell."

"Xander?  He didn't tell me a thing.  Just that you guys probably weren't fully unsupported by your people.  Which happens in most underground movements."

He stared at him.  "He did not tell you?"

"All he told me was that you had non-combatants who needed to be told to stand down.  He said he would not share any details with me about them."

The demon nodded.  "You do not lie.  Thank you.  We do have families but for a human to touch them would sully them and they might consider suicide with our children for being so tainted.  We do not wish it so."

"Would a female agent be better?  There's some available."

He shook his head.  "It is your species, not whether you push out eggs or you fertilize them."

The CIA guy nodded, standing up.  "Do you have a holy figure or someone who can come get them?  Because if they're not involved as more than family members, if they did nothing to gather the weapons, take care of the weapons, that stuff, we do not want them.  It would be safer if they were gone."

He looked at the others, who nodded.  "There are those who would but some of ours do not agree with us doing this."

"That's pretty usual," the agent behind them said.  "Can we call someone?  Someone who will protect them for you until we figure out what we're doing with you?"

He looked down then nodded.  "In my tiny claw phone is a number of a priestess.  She will guard and protect them for us."

"She disagrees with us," one hissed.

He nodded.  "But she would not see innocents harmed because we did what we must.  She would protect them from both sides."  They nodded at that wisdom.  "May I?"  The agent handed over the phone he found.  He got into the number, speaking to her in his native language.  He hung up and handed it back.  "It is done.  They will be safe and if we are captured and made true martyrs, so be it.  It is for the good of our people."

"We don't kill you for this sort of thing unless you actually manage to blow things up," the CIA guy told him simply.  "For this, you spend time in jail."  He walked out to call his superior and brief him.  He saw Miss Summers.  "Ma'am."

"Oh, please, not that old," she begged.  "I know it's been a lot of long nights but I'm not that old."

"Fine, Miss Summers."

She stared at him.  "How do you know me?"

He smiled.  "The files that were sealed.  Plus a few people looked at the film of graduation that got put into FBI evidence.  It wasn't complete but we saw enough."  She nodded once at that.  "They have a priestess coming to help them."

She looked then at him. "I'd scare them."

"That's fine.  Are there others that we should be wary of?"

"Yup.  Plenty.  Some look human."  She saw someone running and frowned, watching them.  "Xander?"

He panted, leaning against her shoulder, staring at her.  "They just arrested Riley for something different," he panted.  "And your mom's sick.  She's throwing up.  Said she's got a headache.  Refuses to see anyone.  I'll drive."  She nodded, going to get her mother.  He gulped air, looking at them.  "What did the vamp feeding bastard do?" he asked quietly.

"Don't ask, kid.  This goes before the Initiative stuff."  Xander nodded at that.  "Can we keep Rosenburg?"

"You can.  If she needs backup, she'll call Spike.  Or Angel's team."  He walked into the yard.  "Willow, Joyce is puking her guts up and has a bad headache.  Buffy and I are dragging her somewhere against her will."  She nodded at that.  "Help them."  He left, jogging off.

"It's nineteen blocks, why is he running?" she said.

"Because it's faster."

"He could drive."

"Sometimes you can't," he told her, walking her back inside.  "He said if you needed help you knew who to call."

"Of course.  I'm part of the team."

"Good.  Riley just got busted for something older than his last problem assignment."  She grimaced.  "Your hacking brought it to our attention," he told her.  He looked at them.  "Where will she appear so we can get her here faster?"

"She will appear in town.  Close by."

"Willie's?" Willow asked.  "He's not open yet but I can call."

"No.  That is too low for one such as her.  She will appear in the Glade."

Willow nodded, texting Tara since it was past the college.  "Tara's that way.  She'll make sure she gets here."  She saw someone walking in.  "Graham," she said coolly.

"Down, Rosenburg.  We had to take Finn in for a few hours to correct something done to him.  I'm here to help.  These ones?"  He flashed his ID and badge.

"Wanted to take out the old mayor since he had sacrificed seven hundred of their people over about fifty years," one agent told him.

"If he was still here, I would have too," he agreed.  He looked around.  "What else is happening today?  I can get some of my people to back you up.  They *do* know."

The CIA guy smirked.  "You were one of those commandos?"  Graham nodded.  "We'll see.  We have a lot of help."

"But I know how to treat them so they don't explode.  Speaking of, let that one go," he said with a point.  That one was let out of his handcuffs and ran to the bathroom.  "They will literally explode if they don't dump that."  They all nodded at that information. It wasn't stranger than some things they had seen.

***

Tara smiled at the priestess materializing.  "Ma'am," she said quietly.

She stared at her.  "Wicca."

"Tara," she corrected.  The priestess nodded at that.  "Come, I will guide you to their residence so you can get the women and eggs."

"Are you native?  You seem too pure."

"I'm from elsewhere but came here to go to school.  Now I work with the slayer."

"I see.  That is worthwhile.  She has not threatened anyone?"

"She wants the weapons they had out of her town.  Others are handling the problems that they were trying to stop.  We want nothing to do with their mission outside of agreeing on the end cause."  She smiled at that, walking off with her.  "I have a jeep I borrowed if you wish to use it.  Or we can walk but it's about a mile."

"We can ride.  It will not insult me."  Tara got them into the jeep and drove her carefully to where the agents were.  Tara got scowled at and one agent tried to stop her but Willow came out with one of them and let her in.  The priestess nodded at her, saying something in her native language before walking inside.  She looked at the men on the floor.  Then at the agent standing guard.  "Are they going to be struck down?"

"This isn't a death penalty offense, ma'am," he said, totally serious.  "They may be facing some jail time though.  We're not sure yet.  That's between them and the prosecutor."  She nodded at that.  "You're the one they called about their families?"

"I am."

"They're in the hidden portal in the lower cavern," one of them whispered, looking up at her.  "My wife is due soon, Priestess."

She smiled.  "I hold no onus and wish her no ill for you believing this was necessary."

"His evil still leads this town," the leader assured her.  "Even the humans are tired of him."

She nodded.  "I don't say I don't agree that something had to be done but this was too radical for our people.  I will make sure your families are safe."  They nodded.  "Let me go down there."  She walked off, an agent escorting her.  She found the portals and looked.  One had things that made the agent moan.  The other had scared looking women and children.  "Peace, children."  They stared at her.  "I am here to make sure you are not harmed.  The men have told the human officers that you were not involved in the planning or the handling of the weapons.  They are letting you go into my care so I can make sure none will harm you."  A few relaxed.  "Now, let's gather things and head home.  I know some of you are worried.  We will see what can be done for our people.  Their cause was good but their execution was not."   The head woman stood up.  "Come.  I will take you back to the portal I used.  We will go to the temple and send words around."  They followed the head woman out and upstairs where Tara smiled at them and patted a few kids on the sleeve.  One mother looked horrified.

"I'm Tara," she said quietly.  "I work with the local team."

"You dated that witch," she said.

"I did and she's outside.  My own gifts ache for them."

The mother nodded at that.  "Thank you, White One."  She left, checking her child over.

Tara helped one woman up the stairs since she was having problems.  "I'll help you."  The woman gave her a sad smile.  "It's not right to let elders flail when they only need a bit of help to brace themselves."

"Thank you, White One."  She walked out with her.

Tara smiled at the priestess.  "Did I hurt her?"

"No.  There's not many would know what to do if a human offered help.  It was kind of you to do so, child."  She patted her on the cheek and walked out with them.  Willow had changed the jeep so it had a lot more room in the backseat than it should.  She let Tara drive her back once they were all inside.  It was good to clear out the innocent and frail.

***

Xander walked into the Magic Box that night, flopping down to look at Giles.  "Joyce is sick.  She's in Cedars."

"Is she going to be all right?"

"If they can remove the tumor."  Giles gaped, then pulled off his glasses to clean.  "It's small, they're going to do a better CT tonight and probably surgery tomorrow.  Buffy's with her."

"Of course she will!"  He put on his glasses and looked at the young man.   "I heard from an agent you showed up to tell Buffy that."  Xander nodded.  "That's fine then.  I'll visit her."  Xander handed over the visitor's information sheet with a grin.  "Will she need anything?"

"Maybe something to lounge around in.  I'm not sure how long they'll keep her but Buffy was already mugging the snack machine for candy bars.  I know why she's worried but she refused to calm down earlier so they admitted her and gave her a light sedative.  She's in her mom's room though."

"I'll gladly stop in and let Tara pick her out some things to have in bed, and Buffy as well.  Are you going back?"

"Day after.  I said tomorrow was Summers woman day and your day."  Giles smiled at that.  "I said I'd ask Tara and Spike if they wanted to come when I went back."

"He may.  She did sympathize with him about Druscila."  He sighed, looking around.

"Go.  I've got it."  Giles nodded and headed out, clutching the sheet to him.  Xander got up and went to check things over.  Willow had created their bar-code inventory so it was fine.  All he had to do was scan it.

***

Xander had to stop about a block from his site because of a stop sign, staring at the parking lot while he waited for the school bus to go.  What he saw amused him.  Multiple SUV's, and a few Sunnydale PD cars too.  He called his boss.  "Let me guess, the locals are saying I'm one of the roots of all evil?"  He snickered.  "No, I don't think so.  Isn't the ATF guys there?  Well, no, that's why I didn't use homemade ones to blow the site, boss."  He turned and drove off to park a bit away from them.  "Hold on, no FBI?  Yeah, you tell them to ask the FBI since they reopened the investigation."  He hung up and watched.  He saw it when someone spotted him but they made no move.  He checked his mirrors and got out, shrugging at the agent from the FBI.  "What?"

"We're not on your ass."

"You're sneaking up on me.  That doesn't inspire trust of that statement."

"We were hoping you weren't going to be paranoid like the rest of us are, kid," Colby said from behind him.

"Oh, well, in that case, too late.  Look where I live."  He leaned against his hood.  "All this?"

"Their idea."

"Shit, Buffy.  Tell me you guys aren't going near her in LA?  Her mom's going into surgery today to take out a lump."

"Cancer?" David asked.

"They just found a brain tumor yesterday."  They both winced.  "Please, guys.  She'll fight you if you drag her out of that hospital and she can hurt people.  She shouldn't but she can."

"Nah, Don went to talk to her," David assured him.  "He wouldn't react that way in that situation.  Even if she did get huffy."

"Good."  He relaxed again.  "So what's up?"

"ATF wanted to know how you knew explosives."

"You want me to be honest?"  They nodded.  "Back in high school, we had this wonderful guy named Ethan who kinda helped us become our costumes one night.  Memories and all," he finished quietly, looking behind him.  "Eavesdropping is rude."  He grinned at the CIA guy.  "You're still here?"

"Yeah, still.  I don't know how."

"Hmm, yeah, I wasn't on patrol last night.  Buffy's family emergency had me watching the store while he went to sit with Buffy in LA at the hospital."

"I heard."  He came over.  "You got memories from your costume?"

"Technically he magicked us into our costumes.  I went as a very nice PFC who had just gotten done with his training."  David moaned.  Colby gave him a horrified look.  He grinned.  "I looked him up, he's now a Colonel at some weapons designer near DC."

"So you know something about the stuff they took out of that cult yesterday," Colby said, staring the kid down.  "That's how you planned battles?"

"That and D&D.  Lots and lots of planning learned from D&D, dude."

Colby shook his head.  "You got lucky."

Xander stared him down.  "You have no idea the hell I put myself through before and after that night over that battle," he said quietly but was getting a bit colder.

"Yeah, I do, kid.  Only mine was in a real war."  Xander relaxed some at that.  "Not criticizing," he promised.  "You did damn good for what you had.  I would've crapped myself."

"I think a few might have," he admitted.  He made himself relax.  "So why else is there a confab today?"

"Two agents are missing," David told him.

"Hmm.  Did they get taken out of their rooms or are they dead missing?"

"We're not sure.  The ATF is paranoid about you knowing about those things.  The guy that helped yesterday is being overruled by his higher ups."

Xander nodded.  "That's nice but I do what I have to do to protect all you guys and keep the bad shit here instead."

"We get that," Colby assured him.  "Be damned if I want it in LA.   They're paranoid for other reasons."

Xander grinned.  "They can be paranoid if they want, but the problem is standing next to his lackey over there."  He glanced at them.  Then he smirked and waved.  "Good morning."

"Harris," he sneered.  "What are you doing here?  Not out causing problems?"

"No, I was going to go to work today."

"I wonder what they'll find when they search your place," he said smugly.  "Drugs?"

"I sincerely doubt they'll find anything but my laptop that I use to write stories with."  He grinned.  "Maybe a few swords because I'm that sort of guy."  The agent huffed off with the assistant mayor behind him.  "You might want to warn them that I do have a security system," Xander told David.  "I'm not sure how it'll react against normals and if they break my laptop or do anything to the stories on there, I get to kill them.  And yes, I can."

He called over there.  "Guys, Harris said he has a threat assessing security system.  Also, he has a work related laptop that he will be suing over."

"Because the stuff on there, is my retirement.  That's how I just deposited heavily."

"We saw that," the CIA guy said.  "How?"

"I sold four books," he said with a smile.

"Congrats, kid.  Good job."  He took the phone.  "This is Denvirs.  Touch the laptop and die.  Bring it right to me instead."  He hung up.  "They haven't gotten caught in it yet."

Xander nodded.  "Huh.  We'll see.  They wake Spike up?"

"Yeah, and he's not happy.  He was complaining in the background."

Xander sighed.  "Let's go."  He hiked that way.  It wasn't that far really.  He got there in time to hear screaming.  So he jogged up the stairs, tackling the agent in his doorway and moved Spike away from the sunlight.  "We stopped the government from torturing people the last time," he sneered.  He helped Tara up too, letting her shelter against him. "Did you actually present the warrant to anyone?  Because I haven't seen it."  It was held up.  He snatched it and read.  "Guys, small problem, that's not me."  He handed it back.  "That's not my name."  He smirked.  "I believe that makes it illegal," he said, looking at David, who nodded.

"It does."  He took it to look over.  "Yeah, you're not a Summers."  He looked at them.  "Get the blonde somewhere."

"Tara, help Spike down to the Magic Box," he ordered.  "He can feed there."  She nodded, getting him his heavy cloak and taking him out to the sewer entrance in the basement.

An agent followed and came back.  "There's a huge tunnel underneath the building, sir."

"Duh," Xander said.  "Didn't you see those plans?  I know the FBI had them."  He looked around and took his laptop back, checking it over.  "Good, I get to sue you guys for lost income."  He put it back into the safe and shut it in there again, hitting an extra key.  Again, magic, but yay.  He knew a computer tech who could resurrect all his files for him.  He hoped.

"What were those long files?" the agent that had it asked.

"If you had looked instead of deleting you would know that.  Because my cooperation is done."  He smirked.  "Which means you guys have no way of protecting your own damn selves.  Congrats, have a will handy.  Plenty of people like Spike."   He smirked.  "I wouldn't bet on making it out of this town alive, guys.  I help the problems go away.  You guys aren't getting anything from us."

"You know where the cults were," one of the other agents sneered, standing up.

"Yeah, because it's my job to watch them.  Not like you guys are doing the job so we had to."  One of the agents took a swing at him and Xander got him down and groaning within two blows.  "No, I don't think so."  He walked over to his security system and pressed a  button to arm it.  "You two, move," he ordered.  They both glared.  "Hey, get caught in it."  They moved and the others started to.  They got caught.  All but one outside the radius and the one that was now locked in his weapons room.  He stared at them.  "Welcome to the hellmouth, guys.  It ain't pretty."  He walked off to open his weapons room, letting the other weenie out with a shove at the field.  He got caught and lifted off the floor too.  Xander checked then relocked his door.  "Yes, they're all registered."  He looked at David and Colby.  "So, what do you two need today?"

"We were going to interview you about the other problems you've seen from the local government locally, Mr. Harris," Colby said, staring at the guys hanging in midair.  "How did you do that?"

"It was a system made by someone in the demon community.  Spike aimed me at him to cancel a poker debt he had with the guy."

"Okay, so that's demon created?"

"Yeah.  It won't hurt them unless they had ill intent.  Then, well.....  I have no idea."  Two more agents stomped in.  "Morning," he told Graham and his associate.

"Harris.  They're paranoid."

"No, they're asses.  They also decided to erase my laptop on purpose then one asked me what the larger files were."  He smirked.  "You know what that means."

"They're dirty to some higher demon," Miller complained, walking into the apartment.  "Can I?"

"Go right ahead."  He turned it off for a second so they all thumped.  Miller grabbed one and he put the rest back up.  The agent was whimpering, which was probably why he was chosen.  Xander strolled over.  "I have a knife if you want," he offered with a grin.

"You have more than *a* knife," one complained.

"All legal," Xander quipped.  He smirked at the two agents.  "As for the two that got taken....  Any idea, Graham?"

"Yeah, it was vampires sent by the new head of the PD.  We caught one.  He's in a hospital in LA getting blood replaced.  The other I'm not sure.  We couldn't find him and have no idea where to start looking."

"Willie's doesn't open until ten," Xander said, considering it.  He called Tara's phone.  "Hey.  They had an agent taken last night.  No, these guys are dirty to some demon who likes them that special cocksucking way.  Sorry, Tara.   I'll smack myself later.  Can you?  Thanks."  He hung up.  "She'll call a few peaceful contacts we have to see if they've heard."

"The Black Thorn will win!" one of the stuck agents shouted.  "There will be no more slayers!"

Xander snickered, looking at him.  "The line doesn't move through Buffy anymore.  She kinda died back before the Harvest and I know CPR.  There's *two* for a reason."  The man looked horrified.  "Other than that, I doubt they can touch her since she's in custody."  He called Cordelia.  "Hey, small sitch.  Someone called the Black Thorn want to take out slayers.  Well, the line doesn't move through Buffy," he reminded her.  "Yeah, I figure one of you can warn her.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "She'll know by later."  He smirked.  "Any other demon plots you want to admit to?  Because even if you took out Faith, it'd still move to another slayer, one in Council custody probably.  There's always another slayer or potential waiting to come out."

The agent out of the field swallowed hard.  "There can't be."

"There can be.  You'll never find all of the potentials.  Not even the Watchers can find all the potentials.  That's how they missed Buffy."  He smirked.  "And look at her record.  Longest of all ever called to the duty already.  Handled more apocalypses than any of the others.  Best dressed of them all too."  The agent outside the field slumped.

"Oh no you don't," Colby said, moving closer.

"Stay," Xander said.  Colby moved back.  He didn't want caught.  Xander grinned, grabbing the agent and Miller, walking them both back to his room.  A minute later the agent wailed.   Xander strolled out.  "He'll go stop them.  He has the connections and I called the one there who does it like we do to let them know at the same time."  Graham walked out.  "I guess Willow's new sheet set she bought me came in handy after all, even if they are ugly and girlish."

Miller smirked.  "I didn't think you had picked out little blue flowers."

"No, that was a Willow plan."

"Ah.  Where is she?"  Xander shrugged.  "Really no clue?"

"Really.  Don't really care," he admitted.  "Especially since she's been going off the deep end with her magic."

"Aw, crap.  Stopping her?" he asked.

"Cordelia," he said with a smug look.  "They had a *talk*."

Graham shuddered.  "I've only watched her from afar, way back when, but damn."

"Yeah, she's my sort of woman," he sighed, grinning.

Graham looked at him.  "You two dated?"

"Yup, it was her dumping me that indirectly caused Anya to lose her power center and become human.  Of course, at the time, for some reason I had lost my mind and had kissed Willow.  She caught us and got hurt in the process thanks to Spike.  Then again, she was shopping around too."

Graham gave him a look.  "Were you stupid?"

"No, I was a teenage boy.  And hey, look what happened.  Willow and my ex.  Speaking of which, if any of you guys tapped her too, she had something like demonic syphilis.  They'll need treated."

"I doubt my guys did," Graham said.  Xander opened the drawer to pull out the black book.  He took it to flip through, seeing a few names he knew.  "Never mind."

"I took that to the clinic with me so the nurse would know what to check for.  It took nearly and hour and I felt like I had fed someone.  Then she pulled out swabs."

"The clinic on 8th?"  Xander nodded.  "I'll suggest some people find a similar place in LA."  He handed it back.  "What're we going to do about them?" he asked the FBI agents.

"That makes them dirty," Colby said, looking at David.

David nodded.  "Sounds like they're dirty and trying to derail our investigation to me too."

"We'll bring them back to the head office," Graham sighed.

"Who are you?" Colby asked.

"Graham Miller."

"My buddy talked about you," he said, grimacing some.

Xander nodded.  "Yeah, exactly.  And while I don't trust them....  Please get them out of my house.  I have to see if any computer techs I might know can restore my files."  One sneered at him.  "Though that does mean I get to sue him, right?  Since that was a false warrant?"

"Sure, go ahead," Colby agreed. "Was anything not backed up?"

"No, I had a backup but he basically deleted the hard drive.  Didn't get to a disk compression though.  My old dinosaur hates doing it without a lot of disk checks first."

"Then it should be able to be retrieved," Colby offered.  "We can take it in and see."

"I don't have anything damaging on there," he admitted.  He handed it over.  "Please don't bang it into anything."

"I won't."  He helped drag the guys out then came back for the laptop.  This way he could still say it had been searched if someone higher up demanded.  David grinned at him for that slickness.  He went back up to get the kid so they could protect him and make sure nothing else happened.  Clearly someone higher up was nervous.

They walked down to the site, which was closed, and then to City Hall to meet with the other agents.  They were all holding guns on someone wearing an exploding vest.  Xander walked up behind him and pulled the plug to the detonator switch.  "How Speed did you go?" he asked dryly.  "Should we shoot the hostage next?"  The guy moaned.  Xander tossed the cord over his shoulder and got out of the way.  The agents came over to get him down, arrest him, get him free, then glared at Xander.  "Just doing my civic duty," he quipped.

"They might've shot you too," David warned.

Xander shook his head.  "I doubt most of them could've went through the other guy."  He walked them into an office and then backed out while the agents stared in unholy glee.  "Welcome," he quipped, heading for the coffee cart.  "Hey, can I have a giant mocha?"

She stared at him. "I've seen you on chocolate, Xander Harris."

He shrugged.  "I've had to defeat bad agents already today.  I deserve it."  He put down three bucks and she sighed, making him one with whipped cream.  "Thanks."  He walked off calling Buffy's phone.  "Let me know how it's going.  Tell the FBI guy that his buddies are still okay.  That they stopped the bad agents who broke into my place.  We stopped the one trying to bomb City Hall too."  He took a sip.  "And let us know when we can come back, Buffster.  Remember, we're here for you."  He hung up and went to nudge them out of their stupors.  He grinned.  "Yes, it's very pretty."

"Shiny," Colby agreed, staring at the large amount of gold bricks.  "I didn't know you could have this outside of a Reserve site."

"We need to make sure this wasn't stolen either," David said quietly.  "I hate working with the Treasury."

Xander snickered.  "So delegate."  They both gave him evil looks.  He pointed.  "The huffy one, I do believe, is Secret Service."  He walked off happier.  "Hey," he told that agent.  "They're in the room of shiny."

"Granger?"

"Yeah," he called.

"Are we keeping this civilian?"

"No.  He's got a demo license, some of the ATF guys have seen him in the past.  He just had bad agents break into his house to delete his fantasy novels he's writing."  He leaned out.  "He's right, you get to deal with the Treasury dweebs."

That agent walked that way and paused.  "Oh, damn," he moaned.

"Half of Sunnydale is," Xander quipped, taking another sip.  He saw someone coming up the stairs.  "Hey, Tara."

"Xander."  She gave him a hug.  "That alarm system is still on.  I nearly got trapped," she said quietly.

"Sorry.  I'll turn it off later."  He grinned.  "They're in the room of shiny."

"I remember seeing that on a tour Willow gave me."  She looked around then at him.  "Any word from LA?"

"Not yet."

David called.  "It's us.  We're going to need a Treasury guy.  Gold bricks.  Also, the kids want to know how Summers is doing?"  He smiled.  "Good to know.  Thanks, Don."  He hung up.  "Buffy's fussing and fluttering worse than some grandmothers.  Her mother's about to go into surgery in an hour or so.  He's talked to her and her mother told her what to admit to and what to glare about.  Don said he'll talk to her while her mom's in surgery to help take her mind off it."  He walked over.  "You're taking this awfully well."

Xander grinned.  "I was born here.  Do you know how often we went exploring when we were little?"

"You managed to survive."

"We were damn lucky," Xander assured him.  "Plenty didn't survive.  When I found out why, I jumped in," he finished more quietly.

"It's something I can understand and respect, kids.  Really.  We just can't tolerate this level of.... filth."

Xander smirked.  "If you're that dirt-phobic, don't go into the meeting room on three.  He used it to meet with elemental demons.  It still reeks of magic and has dirt on the walls, the floors, and the ceiling, held up by magic and demon snot."  Tara shuddered.  "Which will never come out.  Trust us, we've tried."

David nodded at that.  "I'll keep that in mind, kid."  He walked off to tell Colby that, who had to go look.  Colby came back shaking his head.  "Seriously?"

"Yeah, fully covered in shiny, sticky dirt."  He shuddered.  Xander and Tara laughed from their seat on a bench by the doors.  "Maybe the next one will take care of that," he called over.

"We're the only construction company in town," Xander said with an evil smirk.  "We're rebuilding the school."

"The kids probably need it more anyway," David said.

"We wish they'd put it somewhere else," Xander admitted.  "But no money."  They gave him incredulous looks.  "Supposedly.  Hey, do I get a reward for turning in that artillery?  We could use a good dinner when Joyce is cleared to come home."  Tara pinched him, making him yelp.  "What?"

"Behave," she said quietly.

Willow stomped in.  "What are you doing here?" she demanded when she spotted them.  They pointed at David and Colby.  Xander finished his coffee before she could snatch it from him.  "You don't need that."

"You're not my mother.  Go away.  Now."  She snarled.  He growled.  She backed off.

"Miss Rosenburg, we had a few questions for you," Colby said, walking her off, giving the boy a look that said 'you owe me'.  Xander just waved and grinned.  "How much of the computers in this building have you hacked?"

She snorted.  "Every last one whenever we needed to."

"Did you save any of the information down?" David asked.  "It could be useful in prosecutions."

She stared at him.  "That would leave an evidence trail back to me."

"Willow, they're the good guys," Xander called.  "They had a partial tape of grad from a fallen camera."

She slumped, looking at them.  "Of course I did."  They smiled.  "I'll have to get it from my parents' house.  If they haven't thrown it out.  I protected it but you never know."

"Sure, can we do that now?" David asked.  "That way we could see what you have?"  She nodded, walking him out to take him to her parents' house.

"Think her parents goofed?" Colby asked them.

"I think her parents are somewhere and haven't been home in nearly seven months," Xander admitted.

"Huh.  You know, Charlie heard them speak once.  He wasn't impressed with what they've done to that girl."

"None of us are.  Willow's mom was the sort to scream about the least little problem but she was never there.  Which was nice because it meant I could hide at her place when I needed to."  Tara gave him a squeeze.  "It's okay," he promised her.

Colby shook his head.  "This town is so screwed up."

"Yup," Xander agreed.  "Things happen here that no one pays attention to.  Or else we wouldn't have twelve official cemeteries and another six unofficial ones."

Colby stared.  "Any homicide victims?"

"Most of them are homicides, just not killed by people."

"Any idea where that cult from yesterday's people are buried?"

He got up and walked over.  "Some.  Some he had to burn by what we found when we were working on stopping him."  He looked around.  "I'm not sure if their sort bury their dead and what rituals are used.  You'd have to ask them."

"Give me the location of those other cemeteries?"  Xander nodded so he got a map for them to mark.  "Thanks, kid.  Any other weapons stashes?  Personal, cult, his, theirs, anyone's?"

"Yes and no.  I know where some are but I go to them when I need something so that's in bad form.  Now, bad guys...."  He took the marker and made a few x's.  "Those are the ones I know of.  These three may have moved since the last time I knew," he said with a point at them.  "This one's always available and he sells cheaply to humans."  He looked at him.  "That's where I got a few that I registered."

"Stolen?"

"Dead people's auctions."

"How much have they bent the laws to speed up the after-death process?"

"You're buried within three days," Xander told him.  "Or cremated by the city.  Probates usually happen within four months.  Death taxes make the city a lot of cash.  Generally, if someone died today, within a month their wills are probated, their stuff is auctioned off or given away to whoever was in your will if they're alive, and you're pretty well forgotten by most everyone."

"Is that a spell?"

"We never decided if it was a radiation thing from the hellmouth or if it was sanity-saving on their parts."

"Could be both," Tara added quietly.  "There's a high percentage on psychiatric drugs around here."

Colby smiled.  "I know why.  I want some already."  She snickered at that.

"There's been days even I wanted some," Xander admitted.  He spotted David and Willow coming back.  "Especially recently."

"Why?" Colby asked.  "We noticed the tension."

"She's kinda not real liked at the moment thanks to a few things.  Like trying to make everyone believe I had left the town years ago and take over my apartment to harass Tara.  I handed her over by grabbing her hair and giving her to the officers who actually showed up to find me doing something wrong."

Colby nodded.  "Yeah, that's a bad thing.  How?"

"Magic," he said bluntly, then looked over as they walked into the building.  "They leave your room alone as a shrine even though they changed the locks?"

"It was all boxed up but yeah, basically," Willow admitted.  "I have no idea where they are.  I left a message saying I needed to get something out of my high school stuff because the FBI had just busted someone I did a paper on."  She shrugged.  "It went right to voicemail.  Maybe she got Sunnydale'd somewhere else."

"Maybe," he admitted.  He looked at David.  "Would knowing where their file storage area help?"

"We've seen the one on two, kid," Colby said.

"No, that's their current storage of public records."  He smirked.  "Some people do know since the mayor was their boss or they were blackmailed."  He led them down the hall and to the basement, waving at the two cops down there.  "Conducting a tour."

"This is off limits to civilians," one said, trying to stop him.

Xander smirked and pulled something out of his pocket to gas them both.  He walked on.  "New guy.  He tried to get me for pickpocketing a vamp the other day."  He opened a door, looking inside.  Then closed it and another one.  "There you go but it looks like they've been moving some of them."

David walked in and looked around.  He called someone.  "Found more records."

"I thought the newer ones were still up by his office," Willow said, looking at Xander.

"It's usually dumped in April for spring cleaning.  I figured they would've moved those down here first."  He led Colby up there and gassed the two officers and an agent up there.  "It's only knockout gas."  He opened a door and looked in.  "Ah, the sweet smell of corruption and the altar they had to make their blood vows of loyalty on.  Which can kill you if you break."  He got out of his way.

"Eww."  He stared and called David.  "Found more and a pagan altar thingy the kid said they made loyalty blood vows on that could kill them if they broke."  He hung up, looking at the cabinets.  "This is going to be a mess to straighten out.

Xander grinned.  "The last mayor was a bit OCD and very germphobic.  Hence the cleaning sprees.  Those are marked by topic."

Colby walked over, nodding.  "This one's marked payouts."  He opened it.  "Attempted and done, by year."  He smirked at the kid.  "Thanks."

"Next time I'll put a bow on the door," he quipped.  He gassed someone else who was running at him.  "This is entertaining."

Colby looked.  "He's ours.  Good guy."

Xander shrugged.  "He was running at me with his gun out.  I'm not that stupid."

"You're not stupid," Colby assured him.

"Tell that to the school."

"Your SAT score proves you're not," he countered.

"My D plus average says something different," he shot back.   He looked back at the guy staring at him.  "Yes, I heard you come up but unlike sparky there, you're not holding your gun.  He's playing in his present of pay off files."

"He's cool, Ian," Colby said.

"He still gassed a few agents."

"The one on the bottom was helping guard the room with the locals."  He looked out there.  "Xander, this is Agent Ian Edgerton."

"Pleasure," he said, shaking his hand.  "Um, Colby, shitload of a problem," he said, staring outside.  "What the hell did the geeks do this time?"  He walked over to a window and sighed, calling Tara.  "Are you out front?"  He nodded.  "Which geek king is it?"  He smirked.  "Thanks.  No, stay out of his way.  Half the time his stuff backfires."  He hung up and sighed, looking at it.  "I so need something," he muttered, walking down there.  He tossed Tara the keys to the car.  "Please?"

"It's by the site," she reminded him.

He grimaced and considered it.  "K.  Be right back."  He jogged off, heading to the police station out a side door and into their back room.  Some of them looked curious but oh well.  He came out with something, heading out to their front step.  "Warren, you idiot!" he yelled, shooting the robot's feet.  It fell down.  He tossed the gun back inside.  "Thanks for the lending.  Warren just made a mess of the street with his new super robot, guys."  They groaned but he walked off shaking his head.

"What was that?" David demanded.

"Well, that is one of our King Geeks.  That's Warren Meers.  He's some sort of super genius but he's annoying."  He shrugged.  "That is a Big O trial and it's probably got weapons.  I don't know what he's doing but it's dumb and creating more problems since it stepped on you guys' car."

"I saw that, that's why I asked," David said sarcastically.

Xander shrugged.  "It's not my thing.  I like giant battle robots and anime as much as the next geek but really.  This is their second attempt at being the huge badass he wants to be.  Still failing."

"Of course he is."  David walked out there to haul the geek up and arrest him, putting him beside Tara.  "If he moves or gets mouthy, beat him."  He walked off.  "Colby?" he asked the kid.

"Third floor.  Room with current records.  Including payouts."

"I noticed they were nicely labeled."

"The last mayor was a bit OCD and germphobic."

"That explains a lot," David decided.  He went back up there.  Ian was still staring outside.  "Does that really surprise you?"

"No," he decided.  "Not about this town.  There's something seriously wrong here."

"It's under the high school," Colby told him.  "Don't ask, that's all we know about it.  Ask the kid."

"No thanks.  I don't want to know.  But I'll know the next time I run into this sort of miasma of evil."

Xander strolled up.  "Hellmouth.  Six others in the world.  One's in Cleveland but dead."

"Good to know that's why I hate working in Cleveland," Ian said.  "Who're you?"

"Xander Harris.  I turned in the cults that had weapons that nearly got Granger and Epps blown up."

"Blown up?" Ian asked.

"The locals have been dirty for over a century.  They blew up our SUV.  Harris gave us his car to get out of town in.  They took out the cult we were looking at and used their stuff to blow up a storage building at the college."

"They hated her.  She was working on a free energy project," Xander told him.  "Can't make money if it's free.  She didn't have a way for them to blackmail her or force her to work for them instead.  Or a way to use the ideas once she perfected that. Even if they stole it, no one here is really brainy smurf."

"We've noticed that," Colby said.

"They graduated from here too," Xander quipped.  "Our schools suck."  He looked around.  "Guys, it's nearly lunch time.  Remember, out by dark for safety reasons.  Especially with her out of town."

"We're taking over somewhere," Ian said, staring at him.

"Cool.  Give whoever you're going to post as guards stakes and flame throwers.  It'll help."  He looked in the room.  "Need more help, guys?  If not, I'm going to take Tara to lunch."

"I think the idiots earlier tried to lock your account, Xander," David admitted.

"Yeah but I have money stashed away from Anya."  He walked out, taking Tara with him to the local greasy food place after a stop at the bank.  They all glared at him.  "What?"

"You turned the town in?" one said.

"No, I turned in that a cult had an anti-aircraft missile system in their backyard.  The cops tried to blow up to FBI agents."  She moaned.  "That's their own stupidity.  I did what I was supposed to do."

"Good point," she sighed.  "Which account?"

"My Anya proof one."  She nodded, getting into it while he filled out a withdrawal slip.  She handed him the money.  "My others?"

"Locked," she said with a smug look.

"That'll be fixed.  By the way, got the statement today."  She whined.  "Put it back.  Today.  I'm in a suing mood."  He walked Tara off.  "I wonder how long it'll be before the FBI calls in the people over the banks to get them too," he said as he walked her off.

"I don't know," she admitted. "That was mean."

"Yeah but they stole two grand."

"Oh.  Never mind."  She walked off with him to get lunch.  She could get a salad there too.  Even if he did insist she get fries too.

"Did you get the money orders for the rent?"

"Yup.  They're safely stored in my undies drawer so I don't lose them."

"Cool.  That way I can't forget," he said dryly.  She smirked at him.  "I would."

"I know.  They're mean to you."  She nibbled a fry.  "What are you going to do about your laptop being broken?"

"I'm going to ..."  He sighed.  "I don't know.  I only had one thing on there that wasn't backed up."  She nodded.  "I've got to mail those to Donnie anyway."

"I did before I came to get you at City Hall with a letter."

"Cool.  Thank you."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "You make a very good sister."  He grinned.  She pinched him, earning a laugh.  "So, what're we doing about this?"

"Don't know," she admitted.  "What do you want to do?"

"Hide."

"It'll blow over.  They'll get finished and the ones who're left will fill in the vacuum, same as always."

"I guess."  He ate a large bite.

"You need to eat better."

"Be thankful I'm eating," he reminded her once he had swallowed.

"I am."  She smiled at someone on the street, waving at him.  "That scary one."

Xander looked then at her.  "I have the feeling that there's some similarities to my hyena," he said quietly.

"Could be," she admitted, eating another bite.  Willow walked in and flopped down so she gave her half her fries as a matter of habit.  "They done for the day?"

"No, they took the officers and the whole of City Hall to the office in LA while the agents gut the building some more.  They'll have those files moved in an hour or so."  She nibbled.  "I don't know what's going to happen."

"The cops shouldn't have tried to blow up two Feds," Xander told her simply.  The ones listening to them groaned.  He looked back.  "Really, they shouldn't have."  He ate another bite.

"You need to eat better," Willow complained.  Xander glared while he chewed.  She shrank back.  "Fine.  Whatever."

"Move to Iowa," he told her.  He looked at Tara.  "If we have to move, they'll want me closer.  Got a college you'd like to transfer to?"

She shrugged.  "UCLA is nice but there's a good few of them around the area."

"Cool.  We'll start looking at those later."  She nodded, smiling at him.  "Then places to move come after that."  She nodded again, eating a bite of her salad.  "I need internet at home too."

"They'll turn it back on today," she reminded him.

"Cool.  Thanks, Tara.  I totally forgot."

"Who's going to be next in Tral's uni?"

"I don't know.  It might be Heldra.  She's an interesting character."  She nodded.  "Lots of stuff I can do with her."  The muses hit and he had to snap back at them that he didn't have a computer at the moment.  They quieted down.  "Definitely if they're going to remember that in a few days."  She handed him some paper and a pencil so he wrote it down.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  She put it back into her purse.  "Bad agents."

Xander looked then finished.  He took her phone to text Epps.  He could call his own people.  He had only looked up that one's number in case of emergencies with those cults.  The agents stormed in and stared at them.  Then one grabbed Tara.  "I would not, guys."

"Someone wants to speak to her," one sneered.  "You move and you can be arrested, Harris."

Xander considered his gas but it was running low.  He looked at Willow, who knocked them all out.  "Thank you.  Tara, let's go hang out in plain sight?"  She nodded, finishing up and going with him.  Willow followed.

This was not going to be a fun day by any means.

***

Don Epps looked at the list of arrests when he got in that night.  He had brought Summers back for the night.  "Looks like we smacked a bunch of roaches too."

"I had no idea so many of us in the local office were dirty," Colby agreed, sounding tired.  "We started on the hospital but the state stepped in for us and shut them down pending an investigation."  He took off his shoes and rubbed his feet.  "There's no city service that wasn't involved.  We left a single shift of people that didn't try to step in our way, just stood and glared, in case something happened."

David looked up from his eating.  "When the locals started on the Harris boy he pointed out he only turned in the cults, the cops had tried to blow you two up.  The whole town is now pissed at the officers."

"We put agents on guard here," Colby added.  "Just in case there's retaliation or we get attacked by the others.  Harris had to gas a few of those agents, Don."

"I saw that report.  Buffy laughed.  It helped her calm down."  He looked up.  "His laptop?"

"Fixed.  We gave it back to Tara.  She'll give it back to him after patrol tonight.  I sent Edgerton with them in case they got attacked by the town.  He's subtly trailing them."

Don nodded.  "Good work.  How much longer?"

"We have enough evidence that it'll take a year to go through," David admitted.  "Going back to the founding of Sunnydale."  Don sat down with a groan.  "Harris pinpointed the hidden cemeteries that have been used in the last twenty years.  Some other weapons storage areas, but not the ones that he has to go to if he need something."

"That makes sense," he agreed.  "I don't blame the kid for not narking on his connections."  He looked at them.  "Anything good come of this?"

"We can close some out-of-town homicides too," Colby told him.  "Otherwise, no.  How's your dad?"

"Swearing and muttering while cooking probably.  I told him earlier and he yelled about them nearly blowing me up."

"I wasn't fond of that either," Colby admitted.  "We were nice, we brought his car back."

"That was nice of you guys," Don agreed with a smile.  "Do we expect retaliation?"

"Depends on who called in their external minions," David said dryly.  "I'm not doubting that we'll get someone attacked.  Harris suggested stakes and flamethrowers instead of guns."

"I'm hoping guns will do," he admitted.  "Any word from the higher ups?"  They both shook their heads.  "From any agency?"

"Treasury sent their AD," David said.  "He was stunned at the gold.  Half of it was bought, half was stolen.  He was calling someone back in DC while staring at the pile.  Don't know if it was his higher up or not."

"We haven't heard a peep out of ours," Colby said.  "Anything from the other branches?"

"No.  Edgerton nearly freaked out about Harris though.  Said he was different and kept staring at the kid.  I don't know why."

"Maybe one people hunter to another?" Colby suggested.

"Could be.  Do we know anything that's going on tonight?"

"Town pretty well has a unspoken curfew," David admitted.  "Everything but the mall closes about dark."

Don nodded.  "Sounds like they're trying to keep things subtly safe."

"It only takes a month for things to be probated here," Colby told him.  "I asked the kid.  He said from death to burial is usually within three days.  Probate usually within a month and by then most everyone's forgotten about you and they have a good habit of auctioning frequently to get rid of stuff that doesn't have an owner anymore."

Don shuddered.  "I guess it solves the problem of a backlog from too many deaths."  He put down the reports.  "What now?"

"We have to finish going over the city's services and go through all the files we found today."

"Nicely labeled for us by the last mayor," David said with a look.

"Yeah, apparently he was germ phobic and a bit OCD according to Harris."

"Wonderful."  Someone knocked so he went to let them in.  "Harris."  Xander handed over Edgerton.  "He get attacked?"

"Kinda got stunned stupid when we were attacked and I had to dust something.  Better you keep him than we have to baby him through patrol.  The vamps are thinking this is a playground.  Buffy's got you guys' safety tonight."  He walked off, heading back on patrol.  It was an all guy's night.

Don helped Edgerton in, closing and locking the door.  "You good?"

"They turned to dust!" he complained.

"Yeah, they're vampires," Colby said with a small shrug.  "Apparently they're the main cause of death around here.  That's why there's twelve cemeteries and six unofficial ones."

Don stared at him.  "The group yesterday's people?"

"Some, no clue which yet.  Tomorrow.  They arrested?"

"They're talking about it but they're in a private portion of the jail together.  That way no one has to think about why they look so different."

Ian shook himself.  "What is that kid?  He's not fully human."

"Yeah he is," David said.  "Walked in sunlight and everything."

"He told me he jumped in earlier when he found out why so many people died.  It's something I can understand and respect.  I probably would've done the same thing."

"Me too," Don admitted.  He sat on the dresser, letting Ian have the chair.  "So, now what?"

"Now, we've got a mess.  We've got a city that clearly needs an overseer for a bit but there's every chance that whoever wants it will do just as much harm," David said.  "Apparently, that power thing that's under the hellmouth draws people like Wilkins and Rosenburg here.  Though I think she's been here most of the time.  She's just getting to her scary point."

"The state's going to name someone to rebuild," Don told them.  "No idea how that's going to be chosen beyond the usual 'pick me' begging."

"Did anyone think to check the old base?" Colby asked.  Don shook his head.  "We might want to, make sure it's sealed."

"Old base?" Ian asked.  "Or do I not want to know?"

"Hear anything about a special ops project that got shut down by some civies for torturing the town?" Colby asked.   "Late this spring?"

"Rumors."

"It was here.  That Finn guy?  He turned on his unit to help shut them down after dating Summers."

Ian squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing them.  "I saw him with Harris.  Seemed a bit....whiny."  He looked at them.  "How long has this been going on?"

"Wilkins was the first and only mayor until he blew up during Harris' and them's graduation," David told him.  "About a century."

"How?"

"Did you see Rosenburg?" Colby asked.  Ian nodded.  "Same way."

"Damn it.  So now what?"

"Harris turned in a few cults that had weapons and chemical weapons," Don told him.  "We came up to check on what he filmed for us.  They tried to kill us.  The state wasn't stepping in because they didn't want it to spread.  Wilkins apparently had a lot of people disappear on purpose when they pissed him off as well.  With him gone, and there were some people who thought he was still here, things are unraveling."

"Cute thing is, Harris just sold his first sci-fi novel," Colby said with a smirk.

"Wonderful!  So we're relying on a tiny blonde girl who's having family problems with her mom being sick, a geek writer, a former military guy who turned, and two women who both have the scary powers?"

"Tara's a pure Wicca.  She's not going to be causing us problems," David told him. "I asked her about the differences earlier.  Especially when Harris kept glaring at Rosenburg.  That's interpersonal on the team and bad.  Tara explained it to me.  Tara's like the earth goddess sort.  Willow's a blended and having problems.  She likes the power."

Ian nodded.  "That was obvious since she was sipping a latte and used it to open a door."

"Tara doesn't unless it's necessary.  She considers it a gift, not a right."

"So she's got the power but isn't scary.  Good to know."

"Harris, somehow, and that hasn't been clarified for me," Don said.  "Know artillery.  Yesterday at the cult he identified what the things were.  For us too on that tape."

"Harris also led the battle at graduation against the old mayor so people had time to flee," David said quietly.

"All he told me was a few years back, someone gave the whole town a bad case of memories from their costumes one halloween," Colby said.  "That's all he said about it."

Don shuddered.  "We know who he went as?"

"He's a colonel in some weapons design firm the Pentagon works with now."

"So he got it legitimately, just borrowed it," Ian said.  "That would explain why he acts like the former military guys do but he's still light, quipping, all that."  He stood up.  "I should finish tailing them."

"They'll apparently know," David told him.  "How did he look fighting?"

"Untrained.  Finn kept brushing himself off and complaining they should have Buffy."

"She doesn't need the stress.  Her mom had a tumor removed today," Don said quietly.  "I questioned her earlier at the hospital.  It helped keep her mind off the worry.  Her mom told her to glare at certain questions.  Like how they knew to use artillery in a mall."

David stiffened.  "I saw that report."

Don nodded.  "She finally told me later on while pacing and worrying.  It couldn't be killed and they had no army unit to throw against him to hack him to pieces again.  It let them separate the little blobs."

Ian shook his head quickly.  "No.  Wrong!"  He sighed, sitting down.  "This whole town feels wrong."

"The hellmouth is under the old high school," Colby told him.  "I asked what that was, didn't get much of an answer I understood.  I don't think Larry would understand it either."

"Buffy put it simply as there's multiple planes.  Some we'd consider hell planes, though that's in the eye of the beholder as she put it.  She said one's pretty nice it just has no music and they treat humans like cows according to Spike.  The blond, British guy with Harris and them probably."

"I wondered about him."

"He's turned," Don said.  "Just helping thanks to that military project putting a control chip in his head."  He looked around then at them.  "Apparently there's a thin spot between all those realms here.  That's what's drawing all the bad things, all the vampires, Wilkins, all of it.  Which is why girls like her get sent here to handle it."

"So the thin spot could let things through," Colby said.

"Especially energy.  Which is what draws them and creeps normals out.  Harris said he wasn't sure if that ignoring things problem was it's radiation or just sanity saving."

"I guess it could be.  Keep the farm happy until harvesting," Colby said dryly.  "They're putting the school back in the same spot.  He said they didn't have money to move it."

"Sucks to be a student here anyway with the death rate," David complained.  "It did go down in his tenth grade year, when Summers got sent here."

Don nodded.  "She said that too.  They thanked her during the prom."

"That's nice of them."  He heard someone walking and glanced outside, opening the door.  "Summers.  You good?"

"Mom's getting a complication.  I can't find Giles."

"Harris is on patrol," Ian offered.  "He could drive you."

"I didn't even think about him."  She called.  "Xander, Mom's had a problem."  He said something.  "The motel the agents took over.  Thanks."  She hung up.  "You guys try to be more quiet and safer today."  She turned at the sound of a car, going over to it.  "Riley?"

"My car was closer."  He let her get in and drove her off to LA as fast as he dared.  They nearly got stopped once but the officer decided to go after some boys racing their hotrod.  He got her there and up to her mother's room, that was the important thing.

Don looked at them once the door was closed.  "Okay.  What're we doing tonight?"

"Resting so we can do it all again tomorrow," Colby said.  "There's a few good piles of paperwork waiting on us hopefully from reports."

"I'd figure so."  Don stood up.  "I'm up the hall.  Edgerton?"  Someone knocked.  He opened it to find Tara.  "Miss."

She smiled.  "Xander said that the townspeople are pissed and coming this way," she said quietly.  "He led a few off.  He's not sure you guys will be very safe here."  He nodded at that.  "I'm going to hide."  She left, going back to the shop and then the apartment.  Xander had finally turned off that security system.  She turned it once she was back in there.  If she was in there when it got turned on it wouldn't affect her magic.  He had said so.

Xander panted as he jogged up to the agent on patrol an hour later.  "You guys won't have too many normals but the rest of the fire department were gearing up and there's no fires going on."  He caught his breath.  "I led most of the normals off to the school.  They're still there or went home."

"Do you think the fire department would stoop to arson?"

"Yeah.  That's who did the college to discredit that cult."  He glanced around.  "I'm going to lay low.  Can you tell Epps that?"  He nodded.  "Thanks.  Tell him we have protections on the store, Summers' house, and my place.  Don't worry about us when we're safe.  They might try the store but I doubt it.  Spike's headed there."  He walked off, glancing around before taking to the shadows.  Then into the sewers for a run home.

The agent went to report that.  "Sir."  Don nodded.  "Harris said his house, the Summers' house, and the store had protections.  He is heading home to lay low.  He said he lost most of the normals are around the school but he did warn the fire department is moving for some reason."  Don nodded at that.  "He said they did the explosion at the college."

"I figured they did," he admitted.  "Thanks.  Keep in contact."

"Yes, sir."  He went back to his patrol around the motel.  His father had told him stories about busting a town that Russians used to train sleeper cells in.  That sounded a lot less insane than this one was becoming.

***

Tara opened the door at the knock, letting Don Epps and Ian Edgerton in.  "He's writing," she told them.  "Xander, company?"  He grunted.  She walked over and closed the screen partially on him, making him frantically hit the command to save.  "Agents."

He looked.  "Hi, guys.  Sorry, was involved in space vamps.  When can I have my bank accounts back?"

"Later today when I call and tell them to stop it."  Don walked over.  "We found weapons sites you didn't mark and one of them hadn't heard of you."

"I don't usually hear about all the underground weapons unless I need something, I hear during a kitten poker game, or my connections tell me.  Though are you sure a few hadn't moved?  I knew a few might have."

"No, one we caught moving into town.   He said the mayor assured him it was safe," Ian told him.  "He was affiliated with some underground groups in other places."

Xander nodded.  "Doesn't really surprise me.  Not a whole lot does anymore."  He looked at both of them then back at Don.  "Most of my contacts are demons who deal arms off-realm.  No one who would sell to someone who'd be against the team."

"We have discrepancies in the total amount of available weapons.  Could that be the reason?" Don asked.

"I'd assume it was.  Most of the places my main contact sells are having civil and other sorts of wars.  He procures and sends to the arms dealers who deal on their realms instead of selling directly.  I figured it kept him safer that way."

"Probably," Ian said.   "What sort of ordinance did he move last year?"

"I know there's been a few anti-flying things.  I know last month he sent an SR system up there."  Don moaned at that, shaking his head.  "But they're having a civil war against someone who was killing a good portion of the people while consuming more than his world's fair share.  They were having a drought and even more were dying so they snapped."

"I respect that sort of uprising," Don assured him.  "I'm worried that some of that won't be used and will find its way back down here to be used in a city by a gang or a drug cartel."

Xander nodded.  "I'd worry about that too but there's only six guys I've heard of who import weapons from off-plane.  Two are in LA.  One's in DC, one's in Cleveland.   The one in DC handles handing things out to those in New York.  Tara, did you see my purple book the last time you cleaned?"  She nodded, getting it for him.  He flipped through until he found a page.  "Here, my notes on that."  He let Don see it.  "We were wondering what was going to come back that could be used against us.  Yearly apocalypses and the like, we have to worry about it."

"Yearly?" Ian asked.

"Usually every spring," Tara said quietly from the kitchen.

"We handle something major every few months but we deal with the spring apocalypses every year," Xander agreed.  "Halloween might be normal this year.  Not real sure.  Usually those problems are human caused instead of demon related."  He glanced at his laptop then back at them.

"Humans like the geek yesterday?" Ian asked.

"Sometimes.  Sometimes someone with Power.  Last year it was someone who accidentally summoned something.  Depends."

"That Ethan guy you mentioned?" Don asked.

"I'm not sure if he managed to get free of the Initiative or not," he admitted quietly.  "I didn't like the idea of them handing him to Riley, but Giles did because he was a chaos person doing what he did best, make everyone's life a bit more hectic."

"So he handed the guy over for causing problems.  Did he know what they were doing?" Don asked.  Xander nodded.  "So it was expedient?"

"I think so.  Or he figured Ethan would get free pretty quickly but have to leave the States.  I'm not sure what he was thinking since he had been turned into a demon for a day."

"That had to suck," Ian decided.  "But that's still inhumane."

Xander shrugged.  "Ethan's a blight when he wants to be.   Like Warren, he does things for shits, giggles, and in the name of Janus.  I don't really like the guy but I have to admit some of the side effects have been handy to have around."

"What about Rosenburg?  Where is she on his scale?" Don asked.

"She's not," Tara said firmly.

"Willow's looking more and more like a magic addict," Xander told them.  "It's blinding her to what she's doing.  She thinks she's helping.  She's trying to get vengeance so things go back to the way they were, those things.  Willow's and my problems are beyond that but that's something personal.  Not her magic."

"So she's like a heroin addict who can't see that robbing someone so she can get her next fix is hurting them," Ian said.

"We've talked to her about it," Xander admitted.  "We've talked about it as a group too.  We have no idea.  She might have cleaned up for Tara if she put her foot down but then Willow screwed herself there.  I'm not sure why she did that, and to be blunt, I don't usually want to think about it or I'm going to get pissed again."  They nodded at that.  "Other than that, we've all tried to get her to see it.  That's why I sent her to Cordelia after her last stunt.  Didn't seem to fully work."

"She pouted Cordelia said mean things," Tara said.

"Good!  I'm about to say mean things!"  She smiled and shook her head.  He nodded.  "Yeah, I am."  He looked at them.  "I don't know, guys.  I have no idea.  I'm a grunt in this fight.  Specific skills being tracking, hunting, and weapons.  Some planning."

"From that memory thing?" Ian asked.

"Not totally.  That possession was good but the other way a predator of a different nature."  He grinned.  "She's been very helpful at times."

"By?" Don asked.

"Hyena."

He shuddered.  "Good to know, kid."  He looked outside.  "This is a nice place."

"Thanks.  We found it after I had to move from the last one because my landlord was a bit psychotic and kept seeing puppies around my feet that weren't there."

Ian snickered.  "That's bad."  Xander nodded.

"So what happens if you get famous?" Don asked.  "You'll have to leave town or someone will find out."

"I write under a pen name to throw off my parents.  I'll come back under my real one for some research time when Buffy needs me to."

"That's good to know."  He stared at him.  "What about now?"

"Within a month of you guys ending and leaving, it'll be safe for me to go out.  They'll have forgotten like they do everything else.  Until then they'll mutter, the bank people won't like me much, someone might try to key my car, those things."

"The city's going to be gutted," Don told him.

"Yeah but that won't help the angry people that will see this as a youth uprising, even if it does make the city safer.  They're saying that this is making the city less safe, bringing down property values, all that.  I pointed out a few times that I only turned in the cults, they screwed their own pooch.  So some of them aren't mad at me for that part."

"Someone asked why you didn't turn them into the locals.  I pointed out they wouldn't have done anything but sold it.  They said that would've kept them safer," Don told him.

Xander nodded.  "I've already gotten some of that.  Within a few weeks of you guys leaving it'll be calmed down.  Though our site is shut down right now because City Hall needs to pay us for our past work."

"The state's sending an overseer."

"Who won't know what's going on," Xander pointed out.  "So they'll try to step on us for helping and the people will talk them into letting things slide again so they're more comfortable in their denial.  The town can mobilize when it wants to.  They sure did when a demon made them paranoid about witches.  Buffy and Willow nearly died on a stake from that."  He looked at Tara.  "Who has the Amy rat?"

"Joyce.  I fed her earlier."

"Cool.  Just realized we had forgotten about her."  He looked at the agents again.  "We do what we can, guys. Really."

"I know," Don assured him.  "This wasn't something you guys should have to handle.  This is a government job.  Not a protection patrol job."

Xander grinned.  "Exactly."

"By the way, no patrols tonight.  It's not safe.  After we had to arrest the fire department last night for trying to burn down the motel and the Magic Box, we instituted a curfew."

"Whoever you have enforcing it might want to watch out for biters," Xander said dryly.  "The ones around here you can stake or behead."

"We're sending them in pairs," Ian said.

"That might not help.  They attack us as a group when possible," Xander said.  "Some do troll singly but if they think there's a threat they will gather and do a minion-gang.  Also, you need to tell Willie that.  In person."

"I saw that bar," Ian admitted.  "Demon bar?"  Xander nodded.  "We'll make sure he knows."

"He's got supplies for the vamps that can't hunt, like Spike."

"Sewer entrances too," Don said dryly.  Xander nodded.  "How would that get cleaned up?"

"A whole lot of holy water but some things down there are peaceful.  Not all demons are harmful.  I've played kitten poker with a good few peaceful ones."

"I want nothing to do with anything that won't attack us, kid.  I don't care where they're from as long as they're not against the US and won't attack the agents."

"Willie caters to both types," Xander admitted. "He's our way of getting the harmless and peaceful things that they need.  Some of the things buying out of the hospital are still peaceful too.  They eat flesh but they won't attack."

"Then Willie can handle that during the daytime.  The sewer would work for vampires, right?"  Xander nodded.  "Then that's fine.  He can do it until ten, which is curfew."

"Um, eight," Tara warned.  "Daylight ends, bad things come out."

"If we have to, we can lower it.  Ten means that most people are inside and we'll have less need to patrol for enforcement.  That'll ease things with the people and the agents," Ian told her.

"Okay.  We'll remember that.  I need to go grocery shopping."

Xander shrugged.  "You have my wallet."

"I know."  She went to get it and headed out.

Don looked at the kid.  "You're very protective of her."

"Yes I am.  She needs and deserves it after Willow screwed up.  Especially if her parents show up here again."

"I recognized the signs, same as I have yours.  Oh, and saw your uncle."

Xander shrugged.  "DUI again?  That makes his fifteenth or so."

"Drunk and walking this time."

"Huh.  He knows better."  The agents smirked at that.  "He does.  My parents?"

"Your father's throwing fits publically but he's slurring most of them," Ian admitted quietly.

"Which is why I write under a whole new name."

"That's not a bad idea," Don agreed.  He stood up.  "You good to hide?"

"Yeah.  Can't work until the boss reopens the site.  My editor and agent both hate that I'm being prolific but yay."

"Good," Don agreed.  "Stay in as much as you can until they relax.  We will make it known why we showed up.  That should help some."  He patted the kid on the shoulder and left.

Xander leaned back to call his boss.  "Hey, it's me."  He grinned.  "I know.  I just got told that.  Yeah, well, I didn't try to get two agents blown up, boss.  You know that.  Exactly.  They'll do that.  No, I'm safely inside.  They'll be unlocking my accounts soon since some bad agents did that to pay me back.  Anything going on?"  He listened.  "No, I'm good.  Writing of course but otherwise nothing big.  Let me know and I'll be there.  Thanks, man."  He hung up, getting back into his space vampires.  This was going to be interesting.

***

Don looked outside that night, staring.  "Why is it glowing?" he asked.

Ian looked and shuddered. "I'm not sure I want to know."  He looked at his friend.  "Next time, call me for lesser things?"

"Gladly.  If this happens again I'll give advice."  Ian snickered at that.  "I don't want to do this now either.  Damn today was bad."  He considered it.  Summers was still in LA.  He called Harris.  "Look out toward your work site.  It's glowing?"  Xander swore and hung up.  "Okay.  He's not happy."

"I'm not sure if I want to be happy," Ian admitted.  "Think we could Love Canal this place?"

"I'm not against it but the higher ups haven't decided.  I asked.  Maybe turn it into a national park or something and lock that area off to visitors."

Ian nodded.  "I have the desire to pack, Epps."

"Me too."  They shared a look.  "Guys, there's a strange glow," Don called.  "Pack things in case we need to evac."  The agents hurried to do that.  "Think we should try to back up Harris?"

"Nope.  I have no idea how to help.  If he needs backup in a physical manner, he'll call you."

"Good point.  I don't want to let a few kids handle it though."

"He has Finn, that Spike guy, and Tara."

"Plus Rosenburg."  He went to find her since David was asking her questions about magic.  "Rosenburg, the school's glowing?"  She gasped then looked and ran out.  "Pack in case we have to evacuate.  Make sure the others heard."  He packed his own things easily enough.  He only had the one bag and briefcase.

***

Xander looked outside and hung up, dialing frantically.  "Riley, hellmouth's glowing.  Meet us there."  He hung up and told Spike the same thing.  "Tara..."  She handed him something.  "Thanks.  Coming?"  She nodded, putting on a jacket as they headed out together.  Xander hated this.  He really hoped it wasn't a rare fall apocalypse.  Especially with Buffy in LA with her mom.  He drove them over there, getting out and unlocking the fences.  Riley's jeep pulled in with Spike while he was getting the gate open.  They ran for the hole.  It was slightly open.  Tara had the spellbook she needed and was chanting.  Xander looked and dropped in a grenade, blowing some tentacles off.  Still open.  Willow rushed up and chanted with Tara, but it was stuck.  "Why won't you close?" he muttered.

Spike looked.  "Not stuck open."

"Not that I can see.  It's not a general opening.  It looks like something's trying to come through," he called.

"They're holding it open," Willow called back.  "I can't close it!"

Xander got closer to the hole.  It was inside the crater that the explosion had went into.  He hauled Spike out of the way when a pike's spear came out.  "Yeah, we've got visitors."  He grabbed the end and pulled, getting it away from them.  Better to have them unarmed.   He looked at Riley.  "My trunk, under the med kit.  The fake flap.  Take Tara."  Riley nodded, taking Tara with him.  He looked at Spike.  "Nice knowing you."

"Been a trip," he agreed.  Another pike head came through.  He broke that one.  Riley came back with a bag.  Spike caught it, handing it over.  "Whelp?" he said when he saw what was inside.

"This fucker needs to be closed permanently."   He set the controls and nodded.  "Run."  Spike climbed out.  Xander set it in the center of the glow then took the bag with him out of the hole.  They had kept a ladder in there for work hours.  He set it off and the hole sucked air back in, starting to suck ground too.  "Whoa!  Not supposed to do this!"  It ended a few feet later, when they were on the edge of the hole.  He looked around.  Then at Tara, who was shaking.  He pulled her closer to hug her.  "It's okay.  It was only an attempted invasion.  That should keep it sealed for a bit."  She nodded, shaking against his chest.  He looked over.  "Spike, take her home for me please.  Riley, watch tonight?  Let me get a few things, then I'll spell you.  Spike takes tomorrow night, you relieve me at noon?"

"I can do that," he agreed.  "How long?"

"I don't know," he said honestly.  "I don't know if they can work their way around that trap I set.  I don't know if they'll try it again."

Riley nodded.  "Calling Buffy?"

"Not until tomorrow.  Give her more concrete details."  He took the pike he had thrown.  "Let me see if anyone can identify what had it.  I'm running to Willies and I have my phone."  Riley nodded.  "Spike."  The vampire walked Tara off.  "Thanks, Willow.  Watch with Riley please."  He walked off, running into a few watching agents.  "We have no idea.  We're watching to make sure the ones who tried to come through just then don't.  I'm running to the Cantina then back here."  He walked around them, tossing the bag into his car and closing the trunk.  He walked around them again.  If they were still there when he got back, he'd get Epps to relieve them so they could calm down.  He walked into Willie's bar a few minutes later, putting the pike on the bar.  "Know what carries those?  And I need Gromans.  Badly."

Willie shook his head.  "No clue.  The markings aren't one I've seen, Harris."  He looked at him.  "We felt it open?  Everyone cleared out."

"They were trying to come through.  We're sitting watch."

"Okay."  He called.  "Gromans, Xander's here."  He looked at him.  "He's mad.  You turned in one of his connections."

"I didn't give them any of mine and I told them that bluntly."

"He said he didn't turn in any of his connections so he didn't know about yours."  He nodded.  "It opened."

"Tell him I used that explosive thing he got from the green ant looking demons."

"He used that bomb you got him from Peters and Suckers."  He nodded.  "He said you're welcome and there's no more here."

"That's fine.  I need stuff in case it opens again tonight.  We can't be sure it won't.  If so, we need to be able to handle it long enough for people to run."

"He needs an anti-invasion strategy for four people."  Willie hung up.  "He's groaning but he'll be here soon, Harris.   How likely?"

"Don't know.  It's closed.  Willow and Tara managed it but it sucked in a few feet."

"That's not a good thing."

"No, we don't like it either."

"Where's the slayer?"

"With her mom.  Joyce is in the hospital."

"Damn it!"

"If it's that bad, I'll see if the agents can get Faith," he said firmly.  "Joyce needs her."

"Fine.  If you're sure."

"Yeah, I'm sure.  We'll tell her tomorrow.  Once we have a clue.  You sure you don't recognize the markings?"

"No, not off the top of my head.  Didn't Spike?"

"He took Tara home."  Gromans came up through the tunnels, carrying something.  "Thanks, man.  How much do I owe you?"

"Just don't let us sink."  He handed it over.  "Then I'm going.  Find a new contact."

"Sure.  You going to LA?"

"Probably for now."  He left again.

Xander looked at him.  "Okay."  Willie handed back the pike.  "That'll work too.  Thanks."  He left, going back to the site.  He tossed the pike to Riley.  "Willie had no idea about the markings on it."

"Let me see if I can find it at the store," Willow said, taking it from him.  "You'll call?"

"If it reopens."  She nodded and left.  He put the bag down carefully.  "My contact's leaving for somewhere safer."

"It sounds like a sane decision.  You sure we shouldn't call Buffy and Giles?"

"In the morning.  I'm not going to wake her up and take her from Joyce's side unless we're in a big ass problem."

"She'd want to know."

"I know.  She will when she wakes up.  Because even if she came back on her way right now, if it opens she probably won't be here in time.  If we need her that badly, I'm betting Willow has a way of getting her back here in case of emergency.  Joyce is important and I'm not going to make her decide between worrying about her mother and us.  Because if we have to, we have two dozen agents in town.   Including Miller and two of his cronies."

"Good point.  We should still let her know."

"Let her be with Joyce.  She's in damn bad shape, Riley.  I can switch out with her for a bit tomorrow."

"Fine."  He looked inside the bag, moaning.  "How in the hell, Harris?"

"He was suppling to some off-world sources."

"I guess that's good."  He looked at the bag.  "Should we stack it for easy grabbing?"

"Trailer."  He handed over his keys.  "The one with the blue thing around the head.  No one but me and the boss have keys for it."

"Good."  He carried the bag that way to unload it.  He didn't want to know how so much stuff fit in the bag and why any demon, even one sending it off plane, had this much ordinance.  He paused in there, calling Buffy's cellphone.  She'd get the voicemail in a few hours when she woke up.

Xander stared at the hole.  He had every idea Riley was going to call her but she had to have her cell off in the hospital.  Better she get bad news from him.  She'd yell at Riley less than him.  Xander moved some things out of the way.  That way nothing could be easily grabbed by the invaders.  If they needed them, they could dive to them.  Riley came back.  "We good?"

"We're set."

"You tell her anything beyond we had it?"

"Told her it was attempted, closed, and we were on guard."  He looked at him.  "You knew?"

"Yeah.  Your dick leads you, Riley."  He shot him a look.  "I may have let mine lead me with Anya but you pout if she's not in the mood."  Riley glared.  Xander stared back.  "That's why you pouted allll last night."

"Uh-huh.  You were watching instead of paying attention to your muses?"

"Yeah.  I can multi-task.  That's why I was paying attention and talking to my agent twice last night."

"You nearly got eaten."

"Spike was supposed to be watching behind us.  He was finding smokes."  He shrugged. "You get used to it."  He heard a crackle and looked in the hole.  More of the debris in there collapsed.  "I guess that helped us clean up a bit."

"I can't imagine working here all day long."

Xander shrugged.  "It's a good job.  The guys have figured out if something odd's going on to send me to look at it.  No one ever said anything but a few are native."

"Better you than me.  I couldn't stand working here, getting irradiated every day."

"I was born a block away.  Not much different really.  Especially since we met and researched in the library right above it."

Riley shuddered.  "I can't imagine.  Even now it's creeping me out."

Xander shrugged.  "You live here long enough and it's like living anywhere with radiation issues."

"At least your hair's not falling out."

"No, not at the moment."  He grinned and ran a hand through it.  "Then again, I can get hair plugs."

"Yeah, rub it in," he said dryly.  He ran a hand through his own hair.  "I'm not shedding right now."

"Good.  She'd hate that."  He heard another creak and looked down.  "Settling."

"Let's hope it stays settling."  He sat down next to the edge, getting comfortable.  "You didn't bring drinks?"

"You can head out for some.  Get me two twenties of coke please."

Riley got up and went to get some.  Xander would pay him back.  Or he'd get it from Tara probably since she had his wallet most of the time these days.  He had no idea why she was doing girlfriend duty for him but it seemed to make her happy and give him more time to write whatever he was doing.

***

Buffy got out of the car, closing the door and stomping over.  "You couldn't call?" she demanded of Xander.

Xander looked back at her.  "I was going to tell you this morning.  Let you spend more time with Joyce.  I didn't think we'd have a problem during the night.  It'd take time for them to try to open it again.  Joyce needed you more."

"Yeah," she admitted.  "She agreed with you."  She punched him on the arm.

"Ow!"  He rubbed it.  "We have everything set up."  He picked up the pike and tossed it at Giles.  "Willow can't figure out the marks to see who it is."

He looked at the marks carved on it.  "I'm not certain but I think I've seen them before."

"She's at the shop.  I've got here right now."  Giles nodded, heading back to get with the research.  He looked at Buffy.  "Riley's asleep on my desk.  Gromans gave me his spare stuff before he fled for somewhere saner.   It sucked in about six feet when it finally closed."

"It sucked in ground?"  He nodded.  "All the stuff in the hole?"

"It was on top of it but it did take about half of it."

"Cool."  She walked over to look in the hole.  She could feel the hellmouth.  "Is it fully closed?"

"As closed as Willow and Tara could make it.  Tara was shaken so I sent her home with Spike.  He'll be here tonight to take watch."

She nodded.  "That'll work.  Anything else?"

"We're under orders to not patrol for a bit because it's not safe.  The town's way pissed."

"Huh.  Figures.  It's breaking their denial.  Anything good to report?"

"They're gutting it.  We're getting an oversight person from the state."

She nodded.  "Good."

"They might cause us problems."

"We can sneak around like we used to."  She looked in the hole.  "I don't like this."

"I've never liked it," Xander pointed out.  "But it's reality so we have to deal with it."  She glared at him.  He grinned back.

"I'm tired of reality.  Let's change the channel."

"We could be in Cleveland.  It's got one and it's a real city.  Think about running across it."

"Eww.  Don't give me the bad thoughts."

"How's your mom?"

"They found a weakness.  It's bad but not horrible.  They have her sedated so it's healing without her having to strain and think.  The nurses are all acting like it's going to be okay."  He gave her a hug.  "Thanks," she said quietly.   She let him go and he stepped back.

"We'd all miss Joyce."  She nodded.  He handed her a napkin he had in his pocket, making her smile and blow her nose.  "I was going today so you could take my watching spot."

"No, it's okay.  I left a note with the nurses and I'll be back tonight."

He nodded.  "Okay.  We can handle it."

"I checked, Willow has a way to get me back in case of an emergency."

"I figured she did."  Tara came over with bags.  "I love you."

She pinched him on the arm.  "I still like girls."

"I know.  I can love you like a sister and not want to get down and funky with you."  He took his bag.  "Finn!  Food!" he called.  Riley came out yawning.

Buffy took hers and the coffee.  "Thanks, Tara."

"How's your mom?"  She gave her a hug.  "We want her to be okay.  I don't want to miss anyone else."

Buffy sniffled.  "She'll be fine.  I said so."  Tara gave her a good hug.  "Thanks, Tara."

Xander saw Riley's mouth opening and glared, making him back down.  He handed him his bag of food.  Some men were really dumb around women and he had no idea why.  He handed Tara what was clearly hers since it was meatless.  "Thank you for bringing breakfast."

"You're welcome.  You needed to eat.  You been up all night and not typing."  Buffy snickered.  "There's days I'm glad I don't have to proofread.  I'd never get to do much else."

"I think Donnie has a helper," he said dryly.  He sat down to nibble on his breakfast, staring in the hole.   Then back at Buffy.  "You want day watch?"

"Yeah, I can do that.  Thanks, guys.  Keep your phones?"  They nodded and headed off eating their breakfast.  Tara stayed with Buffy to keep her company and give her a way to talk if she wanted to.  She was a girl, she understood about those needs.  Buffy smiled. "I'm okay."

"You need to talk."

"Yeah," she sighed.  "Willow still at the store?"

Tara shrugged.  "I can get her if you want her more."

"No, not really.  She's kinda...bouncy these days and she doesn't want to listen.  She wants to talk."

Tara gave her another hug.  "It'll be okay.  We're here for you."

She smiled.  "Thank you."  She patted her arm.  "I'll be okay.  Mom's going to be just fine."

"Of course she will."

Buffy relaxed, nodding.  "Good."  She heard a creak.  "What's that?"

Tara called.  "That creaking?"  She smiled.  "Thank you."  She hung up and put her phone back in her pocket.  "Settling.  It took some of the debris so the rest is sliding down."

"Good!  I don't want to see an invading army."  She sighed, sipping her coffee.  "You knew I'd be here?"

"I figured you'd be here soon.  That Xander was going to call around dawn.  Even he needs to sleep sometime and this would give you a breathing break away from the hospital."

"Yeah, I needed it.  I want to pace and demand, and find something to slay.  Only there's nothing there that I can slay.  Nothing to hunt, stake, beat the crap out of."

"I understand."  Buffy slumped and nodded.  "Maybe Angel can find you something?"

"I didn't think about that.  I might call.  Thanks, Tara."  She smiled.  She heard a car and looked.  "That's a Fed mobile."

"Yeah," Tara complained.  She got up and went out there.  "Xander Harris has us watching the hole."

Don Epps looked at her from the passenger's side.  "We know why, Tara.  You guys need a break?"

"Buffy just got back."

"That's fine.  We'll take over tonight?"

She shrugged.  "Ask Buffy."

He nodded, getting out and walking over.  "Miss Summers.  How's your mother?"

"They say she'll do okay."

"Good."  He smiled.  "When we get done tonight, I'll assign people to help tonight."

She shook her head.  "It's our job."

"I'm sure we can call if we need to.  You have a higher calling being a daughter."  She shook her head again.  He squatted down since she was still sitting.  "Listen, I lost my mom a few years ago.  To this day, I wish I had spent more time there."

She slumped.  "I might take you up on that during the day but Spike and Xander can handle at night and you guys need to make sure you're not attacked."

"We can do that."  He smiled.  "Someone will be heading back tonight.  I'll see if you can hitch a ride."

"Thank you."

"You can't keep your mind on the other things when she's sick.  We understand that."  He stood up.  "I'll see you later.  Come find me about fourish."

"Yes, Agent Epps."  He walked off, giving Tara a pat on the shoulder on his way past.  Tara came back.  "He's kinda nice but I guess he got so high because he can be mean."

"I think he's the sort like Xander.  He'd only be mean if he had to be."

"Maybe.  Though Xander can be pretty mean."

Tara nodded.  "Sometimes he has to be.  Or when he's really mad."  She sat beside her friend.  "It'll be okay.  This will be a false alarm."

"Good.  I can only hope the hellmouth gives me enough time to help Mom."

"Of course it will.  Because if it stresses you out that much, Xander will bomb everyone."

Buffy cackled, giving her a hug.  "Yeah, he will."  She looked down at the creaking but it was okay.  It would be fine.

***

Xander walked onto the site that night, looking at the agents.  "Guys."

"Mr. Harris," Colby said.  "Dinner?"

"Yup.  Have to eat sometime tonight to stay awake.  Spike's getting his own."  He put his bag down on the table someone had dragged over.  "Anything happen?"

"Not beyond some creaking."

Xander nodded.  "Thanks, guys."  He smiled.  "Have a safe night."

"We'll try.  Now that no one's going to burn the motel down."  The Secret Service agent looked down in the hole then at him.  "You guys are insane to do this."

"If we don't, more die.  It's a calling and a duty, not a game or fun."

"I figure it is, sir.  Thank you."  He walked off.

Colby nodded.  "I agree, you guys are insane.  Buffy was wearing heels.  You're not wearing body armor."

Xander grinned.  "It's too hard to move comfortably in body armor and she does a lot of things in heels that we stare in shock about.  Should've seen her in the backless shirts, short skirts, and wedge heels she went on patrol in a few times."

Colby shook his head.  "No thanks.  She's too young for me and has Finn pussywhipped."

"You have no idea," Xander said dryly with a smirk.  "You leave everything but the table alone?"

"Yeah.  Though when we leave, the trailer is going with us if you guys don't need it."

"Who knows what the next apocalypse will bring," Xander quipped.

"Shit, I didn't think about that.  I'll talk to Don."  He walked off.  "All yours.  Edgerton will be here in the morning to relieve you and whoever."

"Spike."

"I don't want to know about him," he decided.  He got into the SUV and headed back to the motel to take a shower.  He felt slimy after sitting next to the hole.

Xander looked around.  "It's clear, Spike."  He sat on the top of the table, feet on the seat.   He looked in the hole then pulled out a book to read.  It'd be a long night.

Spike strolled over, putting his own thermos down.  "Almost feels like a job," he joked.

"For some it is a job, it just pays sucky."  He looked over with a smirk.  "Daytimes always pay better in construction."  He went back to reading.  He heard another creak and looked.  "Glow?"

He looked.  "Glow."  He opened the thermos to gulp it while Xander texted the others.  Xander ate his dinner quickly.  He'd need the energy later.   Buffy showed back up with Willow and Riley.  "Glowing."

She stared.  "It is.  That's disturbing."

"Very," Riley agreed.  "Weapons?"

"Big.  Powerful."

"Concussive," Xander added.

"Sure," Riley agreed, going to get into the weapons.  Fortunately he had presorted.

Buffy looked at him.

"Something Giles said, and a few other sources.  A portal can be closed by disrupting the energy flow.  Magic is one way.  Enough concussive force would knock the energy wonky."

"You sucked in science."

"I asked someone who wasn't."  He smirked.  "My agent got a BS in physics before he decided to be an agent and make real money.  This way he gets to party more."

"I can fully understand going for a glamorous field instead of a more geeky one.  I'd rather be doing something glamorous."  Riley came back with a few boxes and dropped them on the picnic table then went back for another few.  She opened the first one.  "Shiny."

"Very," Xander agreed with as mile.  "I made sure last night that they all looked like they'd work.  I haven't seen signs of cannibalizing."

"Good.  We'll hope."  She turned back at the sound of crackling.

Xander grabbed something and looked.  "That's one of the pikes."

She took aim and fired.  It worked.  The pikes splintered and someone in the portal screamed.  "Well, that worked."  She took Xander's weapon from him.  "Lady's first."

"Of course."  He grabbed something else.  He'd keep her supplied.

That one clicked.

Riley took it and traded her, fiddling with it.  "Screw," Xander ordered.  Riley found it and screwed.  She took it as soon as the one in her hands was fired.  The glow was still going.  A new pike tip appeared and she fired again.  "Anyone getting tired of this?" he asked when it happened again.

"Yeah, I'm feeling like a groundhog," Buffy sighed.  "Or maybe like a shampoo commercial."  She fired it again.  "Someone get Willow?"

"I texted," Xander said.

Riley texted her.  "I sent another one."  He and Xander fired while Buffy jogged off to get something better.  "Alright, we're doing nothing here."

Xander looked in the hole.  "It's brighter tonight."   He looked around.  "Text Tara?"

"I did in the last one."

Xander considered it.  "If it opens, I'm so wanting a huge ass bomb."  He snapped his fingers.   "East Lynn."  Riley gave him a horrified look.  "I know they're a cult.  Take Miller or send Miller to raid them so we have more.  It's a good idea."

"It's not a bad idea," Buffy said as she came back.  "It's still going?"

"Brighter," Xander offered.

Riley groaned.  "It may be the only choice."  He called.  "Graham, Riley.  We need the cult on East Lynn raided because the hellmouth is partially open and things with lesser weapons are trying to come through.  Pikes at the moment."  He listened to him complain.  "It's this or you guys get to help with an invasion.  There's a cult there.  Number 115.  They have some, including a huge bomb.  Just bring it here.  Yeah, at the construction site.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "He'll handle it."

"Decent."  She took the next one and fired it.

***

Graham hung up.  "That was Finn.  They need something bigger.  They said to raid the cult on East Lynn.  Bring them everything."  The other team leaders he was in the strategy meeting with stared at him.  "I don't know."

"Go," Don ordered.  "Need backup?"

"Please.  They're the wacko ones who think God is their personal saint of mercy."  He grabbed his gun and his team threw him the bulletproof vest he had in the corner.  "Thanks.  Anyone else coming?"

"Yeah," Don agreed.  "Let me get my gear."  He went to his own room.  "David, Colby."

"Yeah?" Colby asked, coming out of his room.

"Gear up.  We need to hit East Lynn."

"After dark?"

"They need  it at the hole."

"Shit."  He grabbed his stuff and came out, David doing the same.  They left for the cult's house.  They had to bust them anyway.

***

Buffy looked up as a few SUV's showed up.  "That was quick."

"They have more people," Xander said, tossing in something and making the pikes disappear.  "Hi, guys.  Got anything high force?"

"If that was right it would've worked before," Riley complained.

Don dropped something on the table.  "What is that?"

"Small portal," Buffy said.  "They keep pushing up pikes.  I don't know if they're hoping to spear fish."

"My editor has a BS in physics.  He said if we disrupted the portal with enough energy, it'd close because it couldn't hold a solid shape."

Don nodded, calling his brother.  "Tell me you're with Larry?"  He said no but he could conference call him.  "Please."  He handed Xander the phone.  "Tell him that theory, let him figure out how much force we need."

Xander took it, letting Buffy have his weapon.  He walked a few feet off to tell them.  Then he had to explain portals.  They figured it up.  "He said try about a ton PSI.  Which means we need that bomb."  He handed the phone back.  "Miller," he said, taking the handle he held.  They put it next to the hole. "Someone go turn on the crane for me."  They went to do that.  "Buffy, just keep them there.  Talk me out of calling someone to see if they have a vial of the flu."

"We will not biobomb another place," Don said firmly.

"Shoot, keep me honest," he muttered.  He got it set.  "Look right?" he asked the agents staring at him.  They all gave him horrified looks.  He smirked.  "Some day I might tell you how I know how to do this."  He checked it again.  "Running," he muttered, flipping it on.  Not running.  He groaned.  "Fuck."  He growled, checking again.  "Ah!"  He looked up.  "Hairpins."  Buffy tossed him hers.  "Thank you."  He used it to pick the key and turn it on.  That worked.  "Five minutes."  They backed off.  He jogged over to the crane, using it to pick up the bomb and then drop it into the hole.  He got the bomb into the hole and was ready to drop it when he heard the whine.  He hit the open lever and turned his head.  He woke up an hour later,  to Riley patting him.  "Ow, and you make an ugly nurse."

"Don't move.  The crane tipped with you in it."

"Fuck."  He shifted.  "I can move."

"You're probably concussed."

"Yeah, not the first one," he admitted, sitting up slowly.  Riley helped him finish it all the way to sitting.  "Ow."  He held his head.  "They gone?"

"They're gone," Riley promised.  "Sucked in another ten feet.  Buffy nearly got sucked in.  She's fine.  We're all good.  You're in trouble."

"Why am I in trouble?"

"Your boss saw the crane and bellowed."

"It was that or they could spear him."  He blinked a few times, clearing up the double images.  "Hey," he told Epps.  "Buffy?"

"Headed back to her mom's side since the problem was over with."  He looked at the kid.  "Want an ER?"

"They can't do jack for a concussion.  I've had five others in the last few years.  Gravestones are hard on the head."  He stood up with help.  He wobbled too.  "Oh, god."  He moved and puked.  "I hate that part."

Riley patted him on the back.  "It gets better."

"Move or I'll puke on you."  Riley got out of the way.  He straightened up, still holding his forehead.  "I'm going to bed."  He blinked at the double agents.  Way too many of them.  He moaned at them.  "Home.  Going home."

"ER," Don ordered.

"Can't do anything.  Yay them."  He wandered off.  He heard a squeal.  "Don't.  Concussion.  Puke on you."  Tara still hugged him.  "Home.  Bed."  He looked at himself.  "Shower.  Eww."

She smiled.  "Shower, eww is right."  She walked him off, scowling at the agents.  "Move."  She floated them off.  "He's injured."  She let the agent hit the ground and kept walking him off.  "Spike?" she called.  He jogged over.  "Help me get us home?"  He nodded.  "He's got a concussion."  Xander moaned and got free to puke.  Spike got the vampire who wanted to kill him for puking on him.  She shook her head.  "Bad Xander," she sighed.  "So bad."

He smirked.  "I can't help where I puke."  He let her walk him off.  "Buffy and them?"

"Good.  Riley didn't lie."

"Riley said something?"

"When you woke up.  You'll be fine.  Chuck won't yell at you for it."  He groaned.  She let him go.  He didn't have to puke so she took him back and walked him off.

"He's usually tougher than this," Spike said.

She shrugged.  "He had one about a month back."

"Forgot about that.  Probably more serious this time too."  He shook his head.  "You sure you wanna Ma him like you would a babe?"

She smiled.  "It's not that bad.  I won't be sleeping for hours anyway."  She glanced back but looked away.  "It's done?"

"It's done," he assured her.  "All gone, Glinda."  She smiled at him.  This was going to be a long night.  But hey, he'd get the couch for a bit.

***

Xander blinked at the sound of the phone.  "Who's complaining this time?" he complained from his spot on the couch.  Spike was in Tara's room since there was less light and the cat was curled up on his chest.

"It's Chuck.  No, Chuck, I can't give him the phone.  Because he has a concussion."

"Not my fault they tried to visit," Xander complained.  He fussed with the blankets, scowling at them.

"He said don't tell him that."

"Not my fault he called."

"He knows."  She listened.  "That's foreshadowing."

"From?"

"The thing with Richard in book one of the space vampires.  The new people want to take it out."

"It foreshadows to book two, around page 50, which then foreshadows book three's major twist and the revelation of a past and family of Roan, which Richard will have to deal with," he told her.

She repeated that.  "The guild?"  Xander nodded, holding his head.  "Yeah, them, Chuck.  Then have her read ahead.  Even if she doesn't want to.  Tell her that then."  He smirked at her.  She handed him the phone with a sigh and walked off.

"It's me.  No, I can't see straight so the muses are being frustrated and talking about the Toal'ra priestesses getting honorably and religiously laid."  He listened.  "Read her the part in book three.  About chapter eight or so.  Scan for Roan and the word family."  He waited while he did that and read it to her.  She gasped.  "So that's why there was that very seemingly out of character thing.  Because later on, we find out why Richard hates the Guild and why things are going to go to hell if Roan can't make him believe him that he left.  Which is later in book three."

She said something.  "That's cool.  Of course.  Sure.  I know, I foreshadow now and then.  Sorry.  Donnie hates it sometimes too because it means he has to pre-edit read and then go back."  He rubbed his forehead.  "No, small sitch up here last night.  No, not robbed.  Don't ask.  Chuck doesn't want to know."  He blinked at the juice glass and tylenol.  "Thanks."  He took one from the pills and the glass of juice.  "Concussion.  Sure, I'm here.  We're not working.  Because the Feds are having fun destroying the whole dirty town I live in.  All I did was turn in a cult, Chuck, and I'm getting plenty of that from the locals."

She took the phone back.  "Chuck, don't say such things," she said firmly.  "It's bad enough half the town is upset."  She handed the phone back.

"It's fine, Tara," he assured her.  He listened.  "She's being a very good sister."  He took another drink of juice.  "No, you can't.  Because that builds to Richard and Roan, then later on it'll lead to Roan adopting a little sister into the made family."  He took another sip.  "You meet her in about six more chapters and I leave it as he offers her a spot as long as she'll work for it.  That's something he'd only do if he liked her.  Family groups are very important.  Yup, that."

He drained the glass.  "Which is why I did that."  He shifted and kicked the blanket off his feet.  "That's fine.  No, headache.  Concussion.  I haven't puked since I puked on someone last night."  She laughed.  "I can do that.  Thanks, Chuck.  A week if it's usual.  Later."  He hung up and looked at the man who had given him the tylenol and juice.  "What's up?  Am I in trouble?"

"No."  Don sat across from him.  "You can take more of the tylenol."

"I'll puke."

"Okay.  I'll let you make that decision on your own.  How did you know that one had that bomb?"

"It was on the tape."

"The bomb wasn't."

"I saw it the other day on patrol.  They were arguing over how to build the timer."

"That explains that.  It looks like it's fully sealed."

"Good.  'Bout time."

Don smiled.  "Is this a big problem?"

"Few times a year."  He yawned.  "Ask Giles that question."

"He's back in LA with the Summers women."

"He's sweet on Joyce since Ethan's deaging candy brought them both back to teens mentally and they got it on on top of a police car."

"I don't want or need those facts."  He stared at the boy.  "You could have went to the ER.  They would've kept you under observation."

"I would've puked the whole way to the nearest ER since ours is closed for killing people for profit.  It's easier here.  There I'd never rest because I'd be worried about an attack."

"I can understand that."  He shifted, staring at the boy.  "You'll be fine?"

"Most likely.  Not my first."

"You could retire."

"Only if the town is sunk.  If you guys want to, I'll fall back to part time and write the rest as long as you shut the town down."

"I'm not sure if the town's going to keep standing," Don said.  He stood up.  "I got ordered to check on you by a very fussy blonde girl."

"Buffy or did I attract my next dangerous woman?"  Tara made a moaning sound.  He looked back at her.  "I'll date sometime."

"Let's hope your next one isn't like your first."

"I don't think there's much chance unless someone breaks her seal again."  She smirked at him.  "Cordelia was only mean, not evil.  Anya was human and mean but not evil."

"Uh-huh."  She stared at him.  "Next time, let me talk to her so you know that you're not going to date someone evil."

"If she's a normal sort of evil, just turn her in," Don told her, earning a beaming smile from the shy girl.  He looked at Xander.  "You should have better taste."

"Like Buffy dating guys like Riley, they've got to know what we've been through and what's going on in our lives.  Otherwise we need to break them in gently so they don't go all thrill kill or otherwise go wrong."

"Riley's gotten better, Xander."

"Definitely but I'm still not sure about his stress relief habit."  She nodded she agreed.  He looked at Don, blinking a few times to clear up more of the headache and double vision.  Don shook the tylenol bottle, getting a head shake.  "I'm good, thanks.  So is it going to be imperative that we evacuate?"

"Not right now.  If that keeps happening, yes."

Xander nodded.  "Well, I guess I can find another nice place.  Maybe even with some growing areas for her."  He moaned and held his head as the phone rang.  "If that's one of them, tell them I'm in pain so unless it's about something I need to do right now or making some money, not right now."

Tara repeated that, smiling.  "Yeah, I can tell him that.  No, hold it right now.  We're trying to see if we're going to have to evacuate.  Because the FBI is a bit upset at our town.  No, not us.  We've been good about working with them.  None of our group.  Sure, I'll let him know you want us a lot closer for meetings and so he doesn't suddenly spring things on you every few weeks.  Concussion.  Pretty bad one.  No, he refused.  Said he's had plenty so he knows what to do.  Thank you, Donnie."  She hung up.  "If we're moving, we're to go to LA or very nearby."

"'Spensive," Xander pointed out.

She shrugged.  "I don't know, Xander.  That's what he wanted."

"I'll figure that part out later."  He scrunched down again.  "Let me know when we can go back on patrol, Agent Epps."

"I will but it'll probably be days for you."

Xander gave him a dirty look.  "I've done it before.  I'll be in LA to visit in a few days too."

"They catch you driving in that condition and you'll be arrested," Don pointed out.  He stood up.  "So far we're doing okay.  Just rest for now.  Don't make her fuss.  She seems very fussy when she wants to be."  He smiled at Tara, who nodded he was right.  He walked out laughing.

Xander looked at her.  "If you'd fuss and get me soda I'd like that."

She sighed but got him one so he could nap and listen to the radio for now.  "No muses either," she told him.  "You'll never realize what you're typing and get too many typos."

"Fine."  He laid there and sipped his soda until he could go back to sleep again.  He hated concussions.  He really did.

***

Xander walked into Joyce's hospital room, smiling at them.  "Have we heard any news from up there?"

"Did you get hit on the head again?" Buffy asked.  "Of course we've been watching the news, Xander."

He smirked and handed over the newspaper.

She read then let her mother have it.  "Sure, I'll go pack for us."

Xander shrugged.  "Spike has.  Riley did the gallery with a few of his friends.  With Tara making sure nothing got injured," he assured Joyce.  "Your house as well."  She sighed but nodded.  "Mine's already heading this way.  Giles has been on the phone but the Council isn't responding.  We have no idea where you two are going to be."

"Why?  I thought things were going better."

Xander nodded.  "But someone wrote a real report that got seen by the higher ups.  Who are all horrified that those sort have gotten a foothold in their country.  Therefore they're going to cede that town to them and let us normal folk out to live more safely somewhere else."

Buffy stared.  "Your doing?"

"No, I think one of them talked to Spike actually.  I've been fussed at for the last few days.  I had to sneak out today."

Buffy sighed.  "So Sunnydale is off limits to us?"

"Unless they invite you back for something.  Yup."  He sat on the foot of the bed, staring at Joyce.  "Tara's had all your stuff put into storage.  The house selling is going to require paperwork that Epps will bring you guys.  The Feds are going to buy it then sell it off to the residents.  They've already put this plan around to the other communities they could find so anyone they catch can move there.  I did point out the problem with the hellmouth but Willow's fixed it so it's staying closed."  He looked at her.  "I guess you'll get reassigned."

"Maybe," she sighed.  "That gives me more time to stay with you, Mom."

"You can help Xander apartment shop when you're bored."

"Tara's found somewhere.  Talk about expensive!"  She smiled and nodded.  "It's within walking distance to where she's transferring.  The only problem I'm seeing is that Willow decided that you're transferring there and so is she."

"I'm not sure what I'm doing.  I'll have to talk to Giles."  She frowned.  "Are you going to forgive her?"  Xander shrugged.  "Fine.  Why did she transfer me?"

"Because according to her nothing's changed."  He stared at her.  "She's moved all your stuff in with hers.  All your records are already there."  Buffy moaned.  "I thought you should hear that from me since it is an inter-Scoobie issue."

She nodded.  "Yeah, I needed to.  Thanks, Xander."  He grinned.  "Where are you moving?"

"Donnie found us a nice condo.  It'll be cheaper.  There went my advance totally but yeah.  Then homeowners fees to cover the utilities and cable.  Has a little bit of grass outside."  She beamed at that.   "Tara loves it.  The bit of grass has a bench and a small water feature that looks like a spring running down a rock wall.  The one next door is empty.  It's three bedrooms so I can have an office or guest space again without having Spike on the couch.   We close on it very shortly.  It literally sucked all of my advance for the first four books gone.  I'm down to my cut of sales so we're all hoping it sells *real* well or something else does."

"I didn't think you made that much," Joyce said.

"Well, kinda.  I owe Chuck and Donnie back their cuts.  They offered.  Plus my savings from the job."  She nodded.  "So we'll see what sales are like and what the next few hopeful sales are like.  He's still got seven other things and I've got a few magazine sales to go back over so he can shop them around.  We'll make it.  Kinda.  I might take a part-time job just in case to give us some cushioning.  Not that I'll make me as much as the construction job but my boss is still mad about the crane."

Buffy smirked.  "He did yell."

"He's still yelling.  Colby told him simply he would've lost it anyway when the thing had opened and we got invaded.  He hated that reasoning even worse.  So I doubt I'll get a good recommendation from him."  He shrugged.  "No idea but my room is soundproofed.  Tara made sure I knew that so I could bring home the next evil girl."

Buffy snickered.  "Yeah, I'm sure you will be soon."  She smiled at her mother then at him.  "Housewarming?"

"When we finally close.  So probably be in about three weeks.  They know we have to move quickly because of problems in our last town.  The Feds are giving us all a month to move."

"I can handle that," Joyce assured him.  "Any other good news?"

"Not yet.  I'm going to see Chuck in a bit with Donnie for a lunch meeting.  Thankfully Tara gave me my wallet back."  They both smirked at him.  "She makes a good helper.   She makes the muses listen to her."  He kissed them both on the cheek.  "I'm commuting back and forth if you need me.  My cell is still working."  He smiled and left.

Buffy looked at her mom.  "At least he brought cheery problems."

"It's nothing that we can't handle," she promised, stroking over Buffy's hair.  "You need to go rest."

"You're not napping.  When you do I will."

Joyce sighed but let herself be spoiled into a nap by her very fussy daughter.  Maybe there needed to be a demon uprising so Buffy could wear some of that energy out on someone else.

The End.

Chapter 2: Mid-Morning Happy News

The move to LA has happened and all is going well.  No groupies yet but a new agent and a writer's convention to play at.

Xander looked at his agent.  "What's up?"

"Are you still working your part-time job?"  Xander nodded.  "Because this last one, Donnie and I agreed was crap, Xander."

"I know.  I'm sorry.  I was hoping he could read it and give me some idea of what went wrong."

"Not your genre," he said bluntly, tossing it out.

"I wanted to write something more saleable and less geeky for a change."

"We love you for writing for geeks.  Keep writing for geeks, Xander.  I promise it'll be okay."

Xander nodded.  "Only if you've got a check for me.  If not, we're officially living on my part-time paycheck."

"You don't have any saved from the last one?"

Xander shook his head.  "No.  The last bout of grocery shopping and the fees ate the last check for good last month."

"Damn it."  He sighed.  "Can you subsist on your part time?"

"Yeah.  We've got it on that.  Since we don't have a mortgage payment we're cool.  Though I know my next check, you and Donnie are getting major fees out of.  I don't expect that much from it."

"True, but I've been trying.  There's a few of them that're being belligerent."

"Pity.  When do we have the book coming out?  And do I get a party?"

"At a bookstore.  Unless you're making major money you don't get ones like you see on tv."

"Damn.  And here I thought I might nab me a socialite ho."

Chuck smirked.  "Not likely.  Most of them are drunk, not evil."

"My present evil girlfriend might mind anyway."  He shifted.  "So, anything good going on?"

"Not much.  I'll email them today to see if they have a decision.  Can you maybe enact that wish or whatever it was?"

"I thought it was."  He shrugged.  "I'm happy that I got nominated before it."

"That is good, yeah."  He smiled at the kid.  "Go, shoo."

"Thanks, Chuck.  Pat Donnie on the head since he said he's got a cold and can't work right now."

"I can do that too."  He watched the young guy leave and called Donnie.  "You're sick?"  He listened to him sniffle.  "Okay.  I can understand that.  Anything good coming that I can shop around on Xander's behalf?"  He listened.  "Really?"  He smirked.  "They might like that.  Yeah, send me his backlog.  Maybe there's something there that can help.  I know but it's been nearly six months since he sold anything and he's working part time for a reason now.  Thanks, Donnie.  Feel better."  He hung up and emailed the people he had sent copies to.  Maybe one of them had read them and liked them?  He liked Xander and wanted to keep him happier.

***

Xander walked into the apartment, handing Tara his newest work check.  "Any news?"

"Two Vice cops who arrested your girlfriend?"

"Huh.  For?"

"Killing pros."

He sighed.  "Figures because I've had a bad day and could use the girlfriend action.  Is she making bail?"

"It won't be set until tonight."

"Damn."  He went to his bathroom.  "Let me shower."

"Homeowner's association tonight," she called after him.

"Yippee."

She laughed.  "It'll get better," she reminded him.  She put the check with the other things that had to go out tomorrow.  "Any word from the others?"

He came out to stare at her, ignoring her blush because he was down to his boxers.  "You've seen me in less," he quipped.  "Willow's still taken with that very nice Irish boy.  He's still creeped out by her magic.  Buffy is doing good in Cleveland.  We're invited out in a few weeks if we can manage it."  He shrugged.  "Same old same old."  He went back into the bathroom.  "Please deposit that."

"Sure."  She grabbed his car keys and went to the bank.  On the way she called Chuck.  "It's Tara.  FYI.  Donna got arrested for killing pros.  Sure, I can ask him to do that.  Why would they want those ideas?"  She nodded.  "I guess that makes sense.  No, going to put his paycheck in the bank.  Owner's association meeting.  Why?"  She nodded slowly.  "I can tell him to dress up and meet you tonight.  Sure."  She hung up and called the house.  She got the answering machine.  She tried again once she had done the drive-thru of the bank and was on the way back.  "Xander, it's me.  Chuck said to write down all your girlfriend mishaps but make it for normal people.  You're having dinner with him after the homeowner's meeting."  She hung up when he grunted.  He was probably writing.  She hurried back to make sure he heard her.  Sometimes his muses were mean.  "Girlfriends," she reminded him.

"Am.  In glaring detail without the demons."

"Cool.  Don't forget Anya."

"How could I?" he quipped.  "Tell me if they give Donna bail so I can have some good girlfriend action later."

"Sure."   She got into his closet, pulling out his good suit.  That would be nice.  She heard the printer, going to proofread it for him.  She giggled at some of it.  It was cute.  Six pages.  Nearly seven pages.  Too many bad girlfriends.  "I pulled out your suit."

"Cool.  Thanks."  He went to shave and do his hair.  "When's the meeting?"

She looked at the clock.  "An hour."  He came back out in his boxers to get back to work on his newest story.  "I'll pull you out in thirty."  She went to get him a drink as well.  He was probably thirsty after working the check-in desk at the hotel all day.

***

Xander walked up to the table.  "Chuck," he said, shaking his hand.  "Hi, Alexian Harris."  He shook the woman's hand.

"Hi, I'm Paula."  He sat down.  "So I hear you're his major author at the moment."

"I seem to be his major pain in the backside since I write sci-fi and fantasy stuff."

"That doesn't usually make the bestsellers list, no," she agreed with a smile.

Chuck took the papers from him.  "Thank you."  He handed them over.  "You said a few of yours were stuck.  These are why we don't like Xander to date."

Xander just grinned at him for that.  "Donna got arrested."

"I saw on the news," he said dryly.  "She out on bail?"

"Few hours.  She'll come back for sex then run to Mexico."  He shrugged.  "I know, if I could write other stuff it'd be easier on you."

"I know.  But that's not where you're blessed."

She looked at him after reading them.  "You have very dangerous tastes."

He shrugged.  "They're the only ones who're attracted to me.  Not my fault I only get bad girls."  He grinned.  She shivered but smiled at him.  "Anyway, am I getting transferred?"

"No, I wanted her to look at a few of your things.  She works with a bigger publishing house in New York and would have contacts I don't, Xander."

"That's cool.  I wouldn't mind.  I'd love to have an exclusive contract but I know that's naive since I've only been doing this for a bit."

"I've told her what I could."  Xander nodded at that, sipping his water.  He heard a commotion.  "Tell me that's not an ex."

"Nope."  Xander stared at the man coming in with a gun.  "'Scuse me."  He got up and walked over, grabbing the guy to kiss him stupid.  The guy fell to his knees with a moan so Xander plucked his gun from his hands.  "Bad boy," he chastised with a smirk.  "Very, very bad boy.  Stay and beg.  I'll enjoy that."

"'M not gay," he mumbled, staring at him.

"Yet you're on your knees."  He handed the nearest waiter the gun, making shooing motions.  "Now, be a *good* boy."  He walked off.

"Hey!  I'm not gay!" he complained, jumping up and moving to hit Xander.  Who hit him back and knocked him down.  "Ow."

Xander smiled.  "Wasn't the kiss so much better?"  He nodded, laying there until the cops came rushing in.  Xander sat down again, sipping his water.  "Sorry, I have a thing against thugs interrupting a pleasurable evening."  He smiled at Paula, who gave him the oddest look.

"Xander's just like that," Chuck promised.  "He's a bit dangerous when threatened."

The manager came over.  "Sir, did you know him?" he asked Xander quietly.

"No, but I'm having a business dinner and he's mean.  These nice people want to make me money.  They can't do that if we're being held up.  He might've hurt someone too."

"Most people yell."

Xander grinned.  "I'm not most people.  I'm Batman."  The manager walked off moaning.

"You make me do that sometimes," Chuck said blandly.  Paula laughed, shaking her head.  "Maybe he's trannie and he'll be your next evil girlfriend."

"Maybe.  You never know."  He waved.  "Have a good life."  He looked at her.  "So, you have contacts that could let me write full time again?"

"You gave Donnie three novel length stories in the last six months, Xander," Chuck complained.  "Slow down, work more."

"It's not my fault the hundred page days started again."

"Most writers who have those are going insane," she said.

"No, my muses aren't that sort.  Thankfully.  They're just insistent."

"We have a backlog of seventeen stories and three magazine length pieces that I'm trying not to glut the market with."

She nodded.  "He could use a publishing house contract."

"I've talked to a few of the bigger ones.  They're looking for specific things and waiting to see if his first few sell big."

"I've got the space vampires one coming out next week," Xander told her.  "The preview copy to the press was well liked.  I still don't like that other one."

"It's very psychological, which is well liked," Chuck pointed out.

"I still like Tral better."

"That's a great story but no one on this coast likes it," he told her.  He handed over the USB key.  "The first book's on there.  It's humorous, it's deep in places.  It's geeky but it's a half-elf."

She nodded, putting it into her purse.  "I'll look it over later.  Are you going to the convention in a few weeks?"

"I am.  I'm signed up to sit on the young writer's panel since I started at sixteen.  I'm sitting in and listening to the experienced authors for the most part.  I think I'm sitting on the fantasy panel?" he asked Chuck.

"You're sitting on it as an alternate.  A few bigger writers weren't sure if they could make it."

"That's cool.  I did get tickets to the new writer's one?"  Chuck nodded.  "Thanks.  I love you, man."

"That's why you make my life interesting."

Xander grinned.  "If we could get those others sold I'd make you a hell of a lot of money."

"True.  I wouldn't mind in the least.  Then you could prepay your bills for a few months."

"Tara handles that."

"Girlfriend?" she asked.

"Might as well be little sister."

"So friend who nags and makes you eat?" she guessed with a smile.  He grinned back and nodded.  "She sounds sensible.  Does she write?"

"No.  She's finishing up her undergrad next year."

"What is she majoring in?" Chuck asked.

"I'm not real sure.  She never talks about it."  He shrugged.  "She's happy whatever it is."

"That's cool I guess.  You could have brought her."

"Tara's still very shy," Xander reminded him.

"I forgot.  It took her a few months to quit stuttering at me," he told the other agent.

She nodded.  "I've met women like that.  Past relationship problems?"

"That's why they're living together.  Where is her ex?" Chuck asked.

"She's with the nice Irish boy she married," he said with a smirk.  "I think he's trying to sweettalk her into having kids."

Chuck laughed.  "I'm sure she'll have a lot of fun with that."

"Better than her parents were."

"True.  I heard about that.  Did the Feds get Donna?"

"No, Vice.  She was killing pros."  He shrugged.  "What can I do about it?  Only the evil ones like me and I need cuddles now and then."

She snickered.  "There's plenty where I am if you wanted to switch coasts."

He grinned.  "I like being able to talk to my editor in person and I doubt he'd switch."

"I can understand that.  When you find one it's important you maintain that relationship."  She patted him on the hand.  "How many series do you have backlogged?"

"Four uni's, six stand alones."  She gave him a horrified look.  He grinned.  "Tral is one uni.  There's four in his part, could be two short ones that could be shipped off to mags for a preview and to draw in readers.  I'm working on the second book in another character's life that ties in with his."

She nodded.  "That sounds most promising.  The stand alones?"

"A few odd ones, one I blatantly tossed for being crap.   One that he calls Anne Rice-y sorta."

"Soft core?"

"Yeah.  Vampires and demons though.  It's on there too.  I know there's a big field for those."

She smiled.  "Thanks.  What else is on there?"

"One of the shorter pieces that leads back to another universe.  I'm hoping that one will sell this week.  I found a new sci-fi mag that's coming open."

"That could be nice."  She nodded.  "I'll give them a glance over.  I work with all sorts of authors and I have contacts in New York and the overseas ones too."

"I love anime but none's very anime-ish," Xander told her.  "The other one, it might be.  I don't know."

She nodded.  "Okay.  I'll keep that in mind, Xander.  Is Alexian your real first name?"

"No, I have parents."

"I've seen that before.  Are they causing you problems?"

"Once.  Not since then.  I yelled back at that point and they huffed off to drink some more."

"Okay.  I can keep that in mind and keep your real name more hidden.  Harris isn't that uncommon of a last name."  He grinned and nodded.  "I like you, kid.  You're sweet."

"Which is why I get all the evil girls."  She laughed, shaking her head.  His phone went off.  "'Scuse me.  That's Tara."  He answered it. "Yuppers."  He listened.  "Now?  No, I'm in a suit.  Still.  Sure, I can do that."  He hung up.  "Guys, I gotta head and help someone with something massive that's going to kill someone.  If I can be excused and suck up to you later, ma'am?"

She smiled.  "You can come suck up to me tomorrow, young man."

"I'm off tomorrow.  I can do that."  He kissed her hand like a true gentleman and gave Chuck a hug.  "Laters.  Let me help Angel."  He left.

"He's very active," she said.

"He is.  But he's a nice kid.  He's a fairly decent writer.  Donnie said he doesn't have to do a lot of work.  He got the editor before me.  The first story he sold he asked for anything he could do to help make himself better.  They suggested a professional editing service and Donnie got him to me."

"I like the kid.  He's sweet."  She smiled.  "Very cute too."

"Yeah but that's why I let him give you that list for the ones who're stuck."

She laughed.  "I know a few who could use it.  So, what's good here?"

"I like the fish but that's just me.  I know people say they have to-die-for pasta."

She smiled.  "I could use a bit of death defying.  Is he bi?"  Chuck nodded.  "Good to know.  I know some people who might like him."

He smiled.  "They have to get approved by Tara.  She's very protective of him."

"Just like real siblings."  She smiled, looking at the menu.  The waiter walked by pushing in the chair a bit more on his way to another table.  Then he came back to remove the spare glass.  She motioned him back so they could order.  He was very attentive.  She liked that.

***

Xander walked into his first panel and sat down.  His shoulder ached but stitches did that.  Paula was up there talking to someone so he grinned and waved at her.  She beamed and waved back, coming down to talk to him.  "Hi."

"Hi.  Are you all right?  You look tired."

"The thing that night gave me pretty stitches and then the redo a few days later gave me more.  I'm fine, just ache a bit."

"Good."  She patted him on the head.  "I have it on good authority that three different people *love* Tral."  He beamed and hugged her around the waist.  "Good boy."  She patted him.  He beamed and barked, making her cackle.  "Chuck's coming up to see you tonight."

"I have money for pizza," he said with a beaming smile.  "Barely but I have some."

"Good.  We'll see you tonight in your room."  He nodded, writing it on her program.  "Thank you, Xander."  She walked back up to talk to her other client, who quipped at her and got swatted gently on the arm but smiled at.

Xander listened as the panel got started.  It was interesting.  No one up there was in his field but that was fine.  He raised his hand and got nodded at so he stood up.  "What happens if everyone likes your stuff, and it's really good, but the market's soft for that genre at the moment?  Since I can't write emo vampires my fantasy stuff has been having problems getting seen but everyone else loves it."

The head of the panel looked at him.  "That's actually a very good question.  This is still a business, even though it's a very artistic and individual one.  You're in a genre that doesn't often hit the best seller list so you don't get as much attention as those genres that could.  Have you tried to write something more sellable?"

"It got tossed very quickly."

"I can understand that.  Sometimes things suck when you force it," he agreed with a smile.  "I'm guessing that you have a backlog waiting to be vetted?"

"My agent does.  My editor hates me because my muses like me too much sometimes."

"You're one of those writers then," he said with a nod.  "He any good?" he asked his agent, who had been talking to him.

"I read a non-client's fantasy novel all the way through for the first time in many years," she told him.

"Huh."  He nodded.  "In that case, I'd think about maybe temping in another genre temporarily under another name.  A lot of us have had to publish a really bad romance now and then to survive."

"Then they'd be evil," Paula joked.

Xander nodded.  "Yeah, they would.  So basically letting him have a backlog until tastes change?"

"You can or maybe check into some sources overseas.  They do have a different taste in things."

"It's also important that you talk to your agent about these things," she told the other authors.  "We know you're frustrated.  Some of you have had to work part-time or full time again."

"It's rare to not work at least part time during your first few years of writing," the head of the panel told them.  Most of them up there nodded.  "Unless your first book was a best selling success."  He smiled at the boy.  "How many have you sold?"

"Three magazine pieces back in high school, two after grad, four books last year, and now I've got four unis in backlog with my agent."  He sat down.

"Then I'm sure something will sell.  Fantasy is changing but there's a lot of undercurrent in some themes.  Basically, use them if you can, and some can't," the head of the panel said.  "Realize that this is a business and if you have a successful book, it'll go easier to sell others.  They want names that have already sold things.  Publishing a book costs them money that they have to recoup from sales.  So, if you're stuck with a backlog, try to write something that is more saleable.  Your agents probably have a folder of stuff that's backlogged from their authors.  They're realistic.  They'll shop around everything they can because you make them money but often the business side wins out.  The same as they will be changing things on you to make it more viable on the market."

"Though, I do applaud his decision to get an editoring service," another member of the panel said.  "It's good to have someone who can polish things before they're sent off.  It does increase the likelihood of selling.  Some work piece by piece fairly reasonably and some do contract work.  If you're as prolific as him, go on contract."  That got a few snickers and nods.  Xander shrugged at a few grins his way, then winced and held his shoulder.  "Even if that one won't go now, it's possible it will go later but it's still time to move onto the next one because it might be one that they like more.  Tastes can be fickle."

"Very," the female member of the panel said.  "Especially in one that's media driven.  For those of you who write in popular genres that get turned into big movies now and then?  Everything will be changed on you during editing but it's worth it.  You can't pin your hopes on one book and hope that it makes your name.  If you're in a backlog because things aren't selling, the magazine work is a good idea.  It makes decent enough money.  I've done it myself a few times.  You can also bring out a part of the longer story and submit that.  It might bring more interest in a story.  Your agent can advise you on that and what is sellable.  That's their job to track."  She glared at Xander for his cellphone.  "Important?"

"Um, yeah."  He got up and walked out, listening.  "You sent a 911, Buffy?"  He groaned.  "I am there."  He looked around.  "How?  I'm due to sit on a panel in about an hour."  He paced, nodding.  "I can handle it.  Laters."  He hung up and jogged to the elevator, heading up to his room.  He came out with his specially made short battle axe under his jacket and went back down, getting into the car when Gunn paused.  "I've got one hour."

"Shouldn't take that long but there's a crapload of them."

"I got something for that too."

"Thank god.  Cordy was sure you would and Buffy was even more sure."

Xander nodded.  "Yup."  They parked and got out, heading into the melee.  He dove in with a wince, throwing something off toward the center of the pack.  "Angel!"  Angel saw him and ducked the explosion, covering his head with his jacket.  They kept moving and within twenty minutes they were all dead.  Xander looked at his shirt. "I can't sit on the panel in this."  He walked out.  "Gunn?"

"Coming."  He waved.  "Well, it's done."

Xander stuck his head back in.  "It's important or I'd stay and gossip and pick."  He disappeared again.  He zipped up his jacket before getting out, heading up to his room to change.  He found Paula knocking on his door.  "Emergency with a friend," he said, moving past her to open the door.  "I know I'm due on a panel in about ten.  Let me change."  He dropped the coat and axe on the bed then the shirt and pants, going for a baby wipe to clean up the stuff that had soaked through.

"That's green," she noted.

He looked back at her.  "Yeah, it is."  He smiled.  "Unless you want headaches like Chuck has, don't ask."  He found something.

"Wear something nicer."

"That was."  He pulled on his nicer colored jeans and she handed him a dress shirt.  "Thanks."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "Don't worry, it was important, my friends needed backup."

"Who are you?" she asked.

"Wonder Woman's backup."  He grinned.  She glared and tapped a foot.  He knew what that meant in girl speak.  "There's a reason I can't write emo vampires.  I've seen them."  She moaned.  "My town was full of those things."

"Damn it."

He nodded.  "Hey, I try not to write them from personal experience."

"Maybe you should."

"Tara got creeped out."  He shooed her out once he had on his dress shoes.  He grabbed his room key before leaving and closing the door.  "There, even left my phone in here."  He walked off, taking her arm to walk with her.  "It's all right.  I promise."

"It's not."

"It is.  It's fine.  This has been an underground thing for years.  I'm mostly retired unless it's very bad.  Today was pretty nasty.  They needed backup."

She shook her head.  "You're insane.  Is that why you had so many scars and the new stitches?"

"Yeah," he said quietly.  He looked at her.  "I started writing to work out those things, Paula.  I love writing and I was going to have to retire some day.  Now, we're doing good."

"Does Chuck know?  And your editor?"

"Yeah.  I actually saved Chuck's life a few times."  He smiled.  "It's cool.  I promise."

"But...."

"It's cool," he repeated.

"Is that why you draw evil girls?"

He nodded.  "Yeah, sometimes."  They got off the elevator.  "Young writer's panel," he said.  She pointed and he went in there.  "Laters."

"Sure."  She stared at him then went to talk to her favorite author.  He was signing autographs.

"That kid have something that important?"

"He got back about ten minutes ago.  Apparently his friend needed some backup."

He looked at her.  "That's a phrase that's ambiguous."  He signed the last autograph and walked her off.  "He didn't seem like the normal young author."

"That's because something needing his help the other night got him a shoulder full of stitches and he had some recently healed on his back and chest."

"Underground fighting?"  She shook her head.  "Bouncing at a bar?"

"No, his part time is at a hotel check in desk.  This isn't paid work and he said he needed to retire anyway.  Now he's on for backup."

"Huh.  Well..."  He considered it.  "What is he doing?  I can't imagine that sort of stress on a body without fighting."

"I can't tell you.  You'll never believe me."

He stared at her.  "Is he the one that gave you the idea list for bad women?"

"His last few girlfriends."

"I'm sorry for the kid.  Makes my ex look sane."  She pinched him.  "You're still upset.  Why?"

"Because he's doing... things."  She looked around.  "C'mon."  She took him back up there.   He worked with law enforcement people.  He could tell her if the kid was a psycho.  He knew how to break into hotel rooms too.  She walked in and moved the jacket, then kicked at the clothes.

"That's green."  He looked at the axe and realized.  "That's not blood, that's ichor.  Do we have dragons here?"  He looked at her.  She stared back.  "So he's doing something that handles those sort of things."  He walked her back out, making sure the door was relocked.  "I don't think you need to worry about it."

"You know what this stuff is," she said.

He nodded.  "I know someone who knows something."  He smiled.  "If he's the one that I'm thinking about or from where I'm thinking about, he's fine.  If he says he wants to retire he probably does.  A body can't keep getting that injured and go on for long.  Like pro athletes."

"Is he dangerous?"

"Let me call someone who'd know.  What's his real name?  I doubt his mother named him Alexian.  It's too modern for his age."

"Xander is what Chuck calls him."

"So maybe that, maybe Alexander," he said.  "Let me make a call."  She followed him.  He mentally smiled.  She was worried!  That was so adorable of her.  He called his contact.  "Hey, it's Richard.  My agent is thinking about taking on someone who has a probable file with you guys."  He listened.  "Harris is the last name."  He listened.  "Yeah, that's what his agent called him.  Why?"  He listened, blinking a few times.  "How in the hell?"  He nodded.  "That's good to know.  Anything she should worry about?  Outside of him dating," he said dryly when that was said.  "She heard about them."  He nodded.  "Thank you.  I'll reassure her.  Sure, next weekend.  This weekend is the convention."  He hung up and smiled at her.  "He is listed as retired until an emergency."

"We know about these things?"

"His town got shut down because those things overran it."  She slumped.  "So I'm guessing, and they know, that he's doing good work taking out problems that we can't."

"So probably not dangerous?"

"No more than a guy who just got retired from a combat post."  She nodded and relaxed.  "His file states he's a nice, goofy, smartass kid.  That's how it's put."

"So he's not a danger and it won't impact his writing?"

"No, I'm fairly certain that his writing is taking the place of whatever he was doing earlier."

"He said he's had a few of those hundred page days but he just told me started writing to work things out."

He nodded.  "Sounds logical and like therapy or an escape to me."

She smiled.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Don't let on that I know.  Those files are sealed."

"I can do that.  He really is gifted."

"Is that why you're stealing him?" he asked, walking her down to the bar.

"No, I'm helping out his agent.  He's from a smaller agency in LA.  He wanted some of my east coast contacts and the overseas ones for the kid.  He's got seventeen books backlogged by him."

Richard shuddered.  "Poor kid.  Very talented?"

"As good as you are.  Like I said, I read that fantasy novel and I only intended to glance it over."

He smiled.  "That's good.  The world could use more good writers, even if they're writing fantasy."

"He tried to write something more drama and it was trashed."

"It happens to the best of us."  He got a beer, she got her own martini and they went to sit down.  "Where is he?"

"Young writer's panel.  He started at sixteen."

"Some do.  Why the name switch to something so unusual?"

"Parents.  That's all he said on the subject.  Though he is living with a young woman who is like his sister.  She apparently tempers him and makes him eat."

"I've had those days."  He sipped.  "I love these things.  There's always reminders of a young me."  He pointed his bottle at a kid at the bar who was trying to look hip.  "I did it so much better."

She looked then nodded.  "You did.  The kid's still cuter."

He smirked.  "You said he liked dangerous women."

"I can pretend to be a bad girl," she quipped with a smirk.  He smirked back, taking a sip.  She heard a scream and looked.  Xander came out and pulled the couple apart, saying something to them.  They fled in opposite directions.  He went back in there, shutting the door this time.  "He's a white knight."

"Classic really," he agreed with a smug look.  "He'll be fine.  The group he was working with had to break up due to their town being shut down for being so dirty there was no way they got to fully ignore it without higher ups being dirty.  The fantasy book anything I'd let my daughter read?"

"The main character drinks some and keeps trying to seduce some priestesses who flirt but don't follow through.  They sounded like cheerleaders to me.  Some jokes about dwarfs being the right height to blow him."  She took a drink.  "They're sure he's okay?"

"They're sure."

"Then later on I get to give them good news.  He's got three people drooling for that series."

"Major houses?"

"One of the big sci-fi/fantasy ones.  Two smaller ones that it will make their catalogs.  I know his first four went to a smaller one to make their catalogs.  Vampires in space."  He nodded at that.  "Chuck, his agent, compared it to Kindred a few times in structure but deeper in plot and emotion."

"Can they make a card game from any of it?"

"No, but they could make a new D&D universe from that one."  He nodded at that.  "Give it a few years and she might like it."

"If I let her read it.  I don't want her to read a lot of drunken fooling around yet."  He watched as the panel got out, waving the kid over.  He smiled and came in.  "That was a very insightful question."

"Thank you.  I'm hoping I can be self-supporting within a few years.  I don't mind working part time but it's tiring to commute in LA."

"It is in New York too, kid.  So, what are you going to do if this one sells?"

"Pay the rent ahead, the homeowners association fees ahead.  It was cheaper to buy using my first sales."

"I did the same thing," he agreed with a smile.  "I will give you some advice since Paula said that plot list of bad girls was your dating history.  Prenups are your friend."

"I've heard that from Chuck but I only got there once so far.  She's presently a month into her novitiate vows."

Richard stared at him.  "She turned into a nun?"

"Longer story than that, but yeah."

"Can you write her story?  It might make a good one."

"She'd want all the money."  He sat down.  "So, how does it feel at the top?  I know I don't get book premiere parties and probably won't unless I get a major thing on the best seller's list."

"It's still the same drudge only there's press attention.  People who ask you the same stupid questions multiple ways for each magazine.  Paps sitting around waiting for you to show up and do things."  Xander shuddered.  He smiled.  "Otherwise, it's not bad to be financially secure.  I do have to admit, I'm a bit envious.  I have to do research for my stuff."

"I have some research, like medieval weapons.  I'm actually very good with a crossbow now."

He smiled.  "That's good.  How heavy can you make a real sword?"

"That depends on what you can lift.  I was doing construction before I had to leave my last town.  I can use a twenty pound sword.  I prefer not to because it's tiring after a bit.  You get tired very quickly doing that stuff."

"I can see why."  He finished his beer.  "So now what?"

"I'm hoping the beautiful one with us has good news for me.  For which I will splurge and order a pizza from somewhere."

"I do have good news."  She smiled.  "Want to hear it now or wait?"

"Will I squeal and snoopy dance?"

"Hopefully," Richard teased with a smirk.

"Even one sale is a miracle at my level."

"I know.  I never quite got to the snoopy dance but I had a wife then."

"If I had a wife, she'd have to be better than the last one.  She got arrested recently.  The Vice guys were very nice when she left after some goodbye nookie and headed for the train station.  I thought she'd hit Mexico because it's so close.  She was going to hit Canada for some reason."

Richard shook his head.  "That's insane."

Xander grinned.  "Now and then."  He laughed.  He looked at her.  "What good news?"

She smiled.  "I have a major fantasy publisher and two minor ones who want to look you over."  The boy got up and did indeed snoopy dance.  She smiled.  "That's so cute I want to coo but I'll need insulin."

Richard laughed.  "It's good he's happy.  Everyone celebrates differently.  Kid, sit."  He plopped down, hugging her.  "I'll let you two discuss that without me."  He walked off happier.  That had been goofy but it was good to see the young guys getting sold.  Gave him something to compete against too.  Not that he read fantasy but some people did read both genres.  He heard a squeal and looked around.  "I hear a fangirl," he quipped, cracking up a few more experienced authors coming out of another panel.  He shook one's hand.  "Paula's in the bar with a young fantasy writer that she's been helping for his agent."

"That's good.  Is he any good?"

"According to her, she read instead of glanced over it.  First time in years that she did it for a non-client."

He nodded.  "I look forward to seeing him in print.  Who?"

"Alexian Harris."

"I've seen a few of his things in some magazines."  He went to introduce himself.  The boy nearly drooled on his shoes and got excited but he was still a young, new author.  He was supposed to be excitable.  He left.  "Poker?" he called.

"Next weekend.  Tonight's the farce panel."  He smirked.  "I love the farce sets."  They all laughed.  Some of their wannabes were so bad. It was good to read.

***

Xander stepped into the house, staring at Tara.  "I only had one thing on the farce panel and they said it was cute instead of giggle worthy."

"Tral?"

"Roan."

"Pity."  She gave him a hug.  "You're bouncy and happy."

"That's because I need you to go to the bank with me."  He beamed.  "Since I have no idea which bank we're using."

She laughed.  "They find you something?"

"They found me someone who wants all four series."  She squealed and hugged him.  He squeezed back.  She pulled back to stare at him.  "I had to decide between money and a bigger house and a smaller one that wouldn't get so much publicity.  Chuck told me to take the smaller one.  That they were good people and probably going to get snapped up into the larger house.  Plus they'd give us more leeway on the edits.  The bigger guys wanted to take out some of the drinking and the dwarf jokes too.  The smaller ones didn't.  So we went with the smaller one.  They're looking like they might be snapped up within a few years so we'll get more lights on us then."

"I'm so proud!"

He beamed.  "Good.  Because the new agent caught me coming in from an emergency backup time."

She groaned.  "She okay with it?"

"She talked to someone.  I asked but Chuck said it wasn't him.  She calmed down.  Thankfully it was green blood."

"That is good news.  So she gets a small cut?"  He nodded.  "Then Chuck and Donnie get paid back and their cuts."  He nodded with a smile.  "Then we get to buy new lamps?  Since Miss Kitty broke one?"

"Sure.  If you take me to the bank since I have no idea where the account is."

She smiled and grabbed the keys, towing him out by his hand.  "We need to tell the others."

"I told the gang that night when they called to get more help with something simple.  Buffy gave me her blessings to go write instead.  And for some reason I heard someone moan 'no' for a while."

She looked at him.  "Pesky Powers?"

"I think so.  But anyway, we can pay the bills ahead."  She beamed at that.  "And I can quit working for at least another year."

"Work for a bit longer," she advised.  "You'll stress over the edits until then."

"Fine.  Is Donnie done working for others and back onto me?"

"Not that I've heard."  She smiled.  "I'll ask tomorrow while you're at work."  He smirked back.  "Dinner?"

"Good dinner."

"Hyperion?"

"If you want and call ahead."  She nodded, getting in to ride while he drove.  "I don't know where we're going."

"I'll navigate."  He nodded, starting the car and heading out.  "Turn right."  He pointed at the bank and she nodded.  "It was closest."

He grinned.  "It is."  He pulled into the drive thru, which was still open, and let her hand him the check.  "Hi."

"We don't usually see anyone with her," she said with a smile for Tara.  Tara blushed but waved back.  "Can I see some ID, sir?"  He wiggled and pulled out his wallet, sending that over as well.  "Thank you, Mr. Harris."  She looked at the check then put it into the proper account plus the cash back the slip had said.  "There you go."  She sent it back with his ID.  "Have a nice evening."  They smiled and took off.  She checked the clock, closed down her system, and it was good for the night.  Her boss came over.  "Mr. Harris' account."

"That's huge.  What does he do for a living?  Or did he win something?  That's a corporate check."

"The nice girl who deposits for him said he's a writer."

"Oh.  So he probably sold something."  She nodded and bundled it up to double check her count for her.

***

Xander walked into the Hyperion with Tara carrying bags.  "Ribs?" he asked.

"You're back?" Gunn asked.

"We're celebrating and I'm still on call for major things.  Just not minor things anymore.  At least until the promised groupies happen."

"You'll turn them evil anyway," Cordelia quipped.  "Did you get me anything non-barbeque?"

"Salad?" Tara offered.  "With garlic chicken."

"That'll work."  She took it.  Buffy took one of the bags.  The others got their own food.  She looked at Xander.  "So, how good was it?"

"Very pretty check for the advance.  Next month I should start seeing royalties from the first ones going on sale.  Basically my cut of whatever is sold."

"Which is?" Buffy asked.

"I make ten cents a dollar and the books sell for twenty-five in hardback, eight in soft cover."

"So, if you sell a lot, you make a lot."

"I'd make more but the advance is part of that.  I make ten percent.  Chuck makes ten, Donnie makes five above the contract I pay him to keep him on retainer.  Then the publishing house gets the rest."

"So it'll still depend on how many you sell," Buffy said.  Xander nodded.  "Are they doing ads and things?"

"That's up to the publishing house but they might ask me to talk to a reporter doing books.  I don't know.  If I get rich and famous, on the bestseller list, then we get parties and things.  For now, I get minor things.  Good reviews, pimping it at conventions....  Those things."

"Does that mean they pay you to go be a fan?" Cordelia asked.

"No, they'll pay for me to go sit at a table all day and be a fan after hours.  I won't get to any of the panels unless I'm on them."

"You were on a panel already?" Gunn asked.

"Young writers."  He grinned.  "There were a lot of hopeful ones.  We gave them good advice.  Including having someone to read over your shoulder before you send anything out.  Especially if they'll edit it for you.  Find an agent once you can.  They're expensive when you sell something but they can help you sell more than you can shipping it unsolicited.  I was backup on the fantasy panel but the writers all showed up.  I got to meet a bunch of really nice, more famous writers.  Some that I've seen the name of and have no idea what they looked like."

"Like any career, you have to start at the bottom and move your way up," Angel said.  Xander nodded with a grin.  "Then it's going good?"

"So far.  That new publishing contract is great.  They want first right of refusal on all new things I put out.  I don't know how they'll market it.  The other stuff comes out tomorrow.  It's new book day."

Tara gave him a pat.  "It'll be okay.  We can go look at the bookshelves."

He grinned.  "I have tomorrow off, so yes we will."

"Fine."  She pinched him on the arm.  "You can go blog it up online too."

"Really?"  She nodded.  "Have you been?"

"On two sites.  Including the Young Writers Association site."

He hugged her.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  She patted him.  "Now, eat."  He settled in to eat, ignoring the fond looks the others were giving him.

"Buffster, it was suggested that I try my hand at writing paranormal stuff."

She grimaced.  "Don't include me."

"I won't.  Not slayers.  Just hunting stuff."

"That's fine them.  Who knows, maybe more'll jump in," she said dryly.  He grinned.  "You already have one, don't you?"  Tara held up two fingers.  "When?"

"Years ago for the first one.  The second about a month before the assault on ADAM.  Chuck shuddered at them but it's a growing field."

"I did some pre-reading for Donnie when he mentioned them.  They're a bit dark," Tara told him.

He nodded.  "It can be, yeah.  Some of it's not.  The mechanical bull comes to mind."  She pinched him.  He grinned.  "We ran into cowboy vampires."

Buffy nodded.  "We did.  Well, I did."  He grinned at her.  "Mechanical bull riding vamps?"

"See who can drain the virgin while staying on the longest.  Interrupted, thank you very much."

"Male or female leads?" she asked.

"Depends.  I do seem to have more heavyweight females since I'm always surrounded by girls and I wouldn't know guy speak if it bit me some days."  Tara pinched him again.  He pinched her back.  "Blame Willow and her."

Tara nodded.  "He saw me sniffling at a movie and got me just what I needed, including a soft throw blanket."

"Maybe he should work part-time at a sports bar or something," Gunn quipped.

Wesley nodded.  "It could help."

"I'd be in the kitchen so I'd never see the sports anyway," Xander said dryly.

"I'm shocked you can cook," Cordelia said dryly.

"The things you learn working in the kitchen at a strip bar," he shot back with an evil smirk.   "Then at a few other handy places that pay almost no money."

"He can cook when I drag him out of the computer," Tara admitted.  "He's really good but he can't bake."  Xander shrugged at that.  "Maybe if you could bake you could get a better class of evil woman," she said with a smile.

"Why?  Donna was fairly high class.  Upper executive branch.  Had her own home, mercedes, diamonds.  Was in it for the sex and cuddling.  Liked my warped mind.  Even if she did kill three prostitutes."  He ate another bite.

Wesley gave him an odd look.  "Another one?"

"Before he went to the convention," Tara told him.

Cordelia nodded.  "I caught them out on a date to the movies.  She was clingy and cooing at his nipples in public."

"She was damn good at it too," Xander said with a smirk.  "That's why she came by for goodbye nookie before trying to flee the country."

"Is that why you said you got the call wondering if he was dating again?" Buffy asked Tara, who nodded.  "Homicide?"

"Yup."

Xander shrugged.  "I didn't even pick up any women of easy virtue at the convention.  They can catch their own bad girls."

Tara looked at him.  "You need to date better and smarter bad girls.  That way they don't get caught as soon."

He smirked at her.  "Then you'd have to put up with her squealing more often."

"Silencing.  Spell," she said simply.  "I sleep very well since I did one on my room."

The others cracked up at that.  It was good to be among friends who picked on Xander with her.  He didn't mind right now.  If he did, he'd pounce her and tickle her until she begged.

"Don't let him pick out one for you, Tara girl," Gunn said with a huge grin.

She gave him a horrified, comical look.  "No!  He can't pick out good lesbians.  I need sweet girls, not naughty, loud, squealing girls."

"If I get fangirls I'll let you pick out the sweet ones," Xander teased.  She swatted him harder this time.  He pulled her over to tickle, making her yelp and try to get away.  Gunn was her big hero, helping Wesley pull her away from Xander.  And Gunn shoved Cordelia at him instead.  He gave his most evil cackle and got her, making her squeal, scream, and try to wiggle away.

"Ears," Buffy complained.

"I'm more worried about my eyes being burned with that image," Wesley sighed, going to help Cordelia get away.  She kicked Xander on the leg once she got free, only getting a laugh and a grin back.

"What's wrong, Wes?  Need the brain bleach the fangirls talk about?" Xander teased.

"Dear lord yes."  He walked the girls off to the kitchen to save them.

Gunn smirked.  "Good job, man.  She's needed that for days."

Xander beamed.  "I'm a good boy, or I play one in a book."

Buffy moaned.  "So bad, Xander."  He grinned.  "Eat more, quip less.  Clearly the muses have rotted your brain from lack of good food."

Tara came back straightened out.  "He's being naughty because the check means I can go lamp shopping."

He shrugged.  "Two?"

"Two," she agreed.  "Finish up and we'll let them calm down while we go shop.  Maybe we can find some of them out already."  He wolfed down the rest of his food and hugged Buffy then walked out with her.

Buffy shook her head, stuffing her mouth.  "He's very hyper tonight."  Tara came back for the dropped wallet and waved again on her way out.

"It's nice she's getting to play more," Wesley told her.

She nodded.  "It is."  She finished eating and tossed out the boxes.  "That was a really good celebration dinner."

Angel nodded.  "Not bad.  He got me a very rare steak."  He stretched.  "Let's turn in, guys.  Calm down, recuperate from Xander bouncing into things, and we'll do it again tomorrow."

"You can if you want," Cordelia said.  "I'm going to catch up on the mail."  They finished up and went back to their more mundane jobs.  Not everything was fighting demons.  Sometimes it was fighting the evil filing cabinet or the demonically run utility companies.  Cordelia kept a special bat for both things in case they started to fight back.

***

Xander walked into the gaming shop and looked at the guy who ran it.  "Johno."

"Xander?" he asked cautiously.  "That expression looks like you're up to no good."

"I'm sharing a good book."

"Found religion?"

"Not that sort of good book."  He held his up with a wicked smirk.  "It's new book day.  My first full novel."

Johno squealed and pounced him to steal the book.  "Oooh, vampires?"  He gave Xander a pointed look.

"Space vampires, please.  Who live in clans and travel, or work."

"Huh."  He read the blurb, then turned to the first page.  "Nice style, Xander."

"Thanks."

"Free copy?"

"Paid promotional copy.  If you like it, tell the other geeks.  The more I sell the more parts of the series will come out."

"There's more?" he asked, going back to reading.

"Three more stories already written.  I'm under orders not to write any more in this one until we know how it'll sell."

Johno moaned.  "There's sex?"

Xander thought about it.  "You know, I don't know if this one has sex or if it's in the second book.  They shifted some of the chapters back."  He took it to look for something.  "Yup, non-descriptive het sex.  Later on, in book three, there's a gay couple."

"Female?"

"Male."

"Hmm."

Xander grinned.  "Try it.  Pimp it if you like it.  Let me know?"  Johno nodded, going back to reading.  "I'll be at home.  Still have the same address."

"Sure," he said absently.

Xander wrote it down just in case then left.  He had two other places to visit today with promo copies.  Maybe it'd make sure it would sell a ton and he'd do good.  Go on to sell more books and then get those groupies the curse promised him.  He could use a few good groupies at the moment.  He was way too bouncy.

***

Xander leaned into Chuck's office.  "She paid you, right?  I don't have to hide because I let Tara buy lamps?"

"No, Donnie and I both got paid for that advance, Xander."  He clicked on the phone.  "I'm still here.  Sorry, popping in client."  He glared at Xander when he sat.  Xander opened his bag and pulled out his laptop, getting a head shake back.   Xander wouldn't know anything while he wrote.  He got into the details of the contract spotting Xander glancing at him.  He threw a paper ball at him, making him shrug and go back to his writing.  He finished up, sighing at him.  "You have bad timing, Xander."

"You told me to show up around eleven, before I hit work for the afternoon."  He looked at him, saving and putting the laptop back in the bag.  "So?  Anything good?"

"Decent sales for a first week of a little known author."

"So, ten, twelve?"

"Fifteen hundred."  Xander squeed.  "That's not great."

"But I've only been in mags before.  That means it's good, right?  More next week?"

"Many more next week hopefully.  Did you do anything to promo the book?"

"Went to three shops where people read fantasy.  One I knew and he squeed at me later about it.  He knew me in high school.  I signed a story for him."

"That's good."  His phone rang.  Xander pulled out his phone to fool around with it while he took the call.  He finally got off and sighed, looking at him.  "Okay."  His phone rang again.  Xander just grinned.  "Fine."  He answered it.  "Chuck D'Lancy," he answered.  He listened.  "Actually, Paula, I have him here with me.  He's trying very hard not to listen in because I've had a few others."

"Hi, Paula," Xander called.  "He told me good news."

Chuck put her on speaker.  "I have better news that will make you do that goofy little dance."

"Really?  Does this mean I get groupies sometime soon?"

"Possibly.  Chuck sent me that paranormal set you pulled out of the dusty archives."

"Yeah?" he asked, leaning forward.  His phone beeped so he hung it up and put it into his bag.  "Did we hate it?"

"I ran it past my assistant, who reads that stuff.  She cried, Xander.  A lot."

"I didn't think it was that bad or that dark," he said with a wince.

"It's not.  She was very sad that the bad guy died."

"Really?"

"She's strange," she admitted.

"Is that very good news?" Chuck asked.

"Yes.  I didn't know this but she told her sister that she was previewing a copy for me.   Her sister works in a magazine.  I've used that connection before.  Her sister wanted to see some of your other stuff so I kindly slipped her the book that just came out and a few others that will be published soon."

"And we're looking at this because it's good?" Xander asked.

"It's very good, little one."

Xander squeed and got up to dance.

"He's snoopy dancing but is she going to write him up?"

"Yes, she's going to give him a good write up.  She said she nearly pissed herself reading the Tral story."  Xander let out another squee.  "So it looks like you'll be getting some good notice.  How was his first week?"

"Fifteen hundred.  He did some promo work here in town with some people and places he knew."

"Excellent news.  Xander, calm down.  No groupies yet.  Find your next evil girl and write another paranormal one.  Or ten.  Today."

"Yes, ma'am," he said with a saucy grin.  "Thank you!"

"You're welcome.  We love you guys.  You know that.  You guys make us money and you're sweet.  Now, shoo, go write."

"Work," he complained.  He checked his watch.  "And I'm late."  He called in using his cellphone.  "Sorry, boss, with my agent.  Be in soon,"  he said as he hung up.  "Okay, Paula.  Are we talking *major* love or just cute love?  Or maybe kitty and puppy love?"

"I'm thinking major love.  We think.  We hope.  Now, quit and go write."

"I have to pay bills."

"Dear, you can pay them with the royalties," Paula said.

"No I can't.  Not right now."

"Fine.  You give two weeks notice."

"I'm only going part time and I'm writing plenty, I promise."

"Good!  Get me more of those today!  Same deal, Chuck?"

"Go for it," he promised.  She hung up.  He beamed.  "You're going to be to be available for interviews."  Xander pounced him to hug.  "Oooh, damn it you're heavy, Xander." Xander kissed him on the cheek.  "Enough or I won't pay you!"  He got let go and dug out Xander's file, letting him sign for the check.  "I'll call in two days.  That should be long enough."  Xander beamed and left, stuffing the check inside his laptop and closing it again.  Chuck wiped his cheek off, shaking his head.  "Goofball," he muttered but he was smiling.  He liked the kid.  He called her back.  "I have heard dirty rumors about our bosses dating."

She hummed.  "So have I.  We need the west coast people."

"I guess that'll help us but that'll screw up the ones I've shared with you."

"Who knows how it'll work.  Is Donnie really overloaded by him?"

"Not at the moment.  He's babying two others with writers block and Xander's backlog.  She loved it that much?"

"She loved it enough to nearly snoopy dance on her own."

"Wow.  I knew he was good."

"She's a bit evil so maybe it's whatever gets him evil girlfriends."  He laughed and hung up.  They'd deal with the demented company marriage some other time.

***

Xander walked into the office, looking at the receptionist.  "Hi, I'm Alexian Harris and I got invited to talk to a book reporter today?" he told him.  He handed over the note Chuck had made for him.  "I think that's today."  He grinned.

The guy smiled.  "First book?"

"First real novel.  More coming soon hopefully.  Are they nice?"

"Sometimes."  He called.  "There's an Alexian Harris here nearly doing the pee-pee dance waiting on you."

"I'm not that bad.  Just a bit nervous.  It's my first interview."

"Relax.  She won't shake your hand if you've got sweaty hands."  The boy wiped them off and used the hand sanitzer.  He made sure it was wiped off on his shirt tail then tucked it back in.  He also looked in a mirror to check his hair and his breath.  "You're good," he said firmly.  The reporter came out.  "Him."

"Mr. Harris."

"Hi."  He grinned and shook her hand.  "Call me Xander."

"Sure."  She walked him back to her office.

"He primps more than any gay wannabe actor," the receptionist muttered.

She sat him down in her visitor's chair.  "I know it's your first one.  Chuck told me that."

He grinned and nodded.  "Yeah, it is.  I think I made a bad impression on the receptionist.  I'm sorry."

"It's all right.  Calm down.  Deep breaths.  This is your career now."  He nodded, taking a deep breath.  Then a second.  "Good boy."  He beamed.  Then he barked.  She cackled.  "I think this will go fine."  She turned on a tape recorder.

"Is it going to be a bad review?"

"No, dear.  It's not a bad review.  I only write those, I don't interview for them."  He beamed.  She patted him on the hand.  "I know you're new.  You'll get used to us."

"Hopefully.  Though I'm told some of you are scary."

"Not me."

"Okay."  He made himself relax.  "What did you want to talk about?"

She smiled and pulled out her question sheet.  "Penname?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Why?"

"Relatives."

"Okay, I won't talk about your youth.  Now, you're from that small town that got closed, right?  Sunnydale?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Very polite, but finish relaxing."

"If I relax too much I'll make a really bad impression because I might burp or be rude if I treated you like I do my friends."

"I don't mind an occasional burp.  Some people are very touchy during these things."

He relaxed more.   He would still be polite and treat her like he would Joyce.  Because Joyce would swat him otherwise.  Chuck would kill him if he screwed this up too.  Paula too and she seemed a bit scary, which made him happy to think about since she was kinda pretty too.

***

Xander leaned into Chuck's office, getting waved in and pointed at a chair since Chuck was reading something.  Xander waited.  Chuck grunted.  "Did I do bad?"

"No."  He highlighted a spot and let Xander see it.  "Find the point?"

Xander read it and highlighted it then crossed out a few things and made 'move me' marks.  He handed it back.   "That?"

"That," he agreed.  He put it down.  "This one needs an editor badly."

"Suggest one of Donnie's coworkers?"

"I have.  He doesn't want to pay for it."

"Then have him date an english major or ask one of them?"

"I have."

"Point out that he can't sell with that?"

"I have," he sighed.  "I'll work on him or hand him to Julia.  She's mean."

"Really?" Xander asked with a grin.

"Not mean enough for you."

"Damn.  Think Paula is?"

"Word of advice, kid, don't sleep with your agent."

"Sorry."  He slumped.  "So, how did I do on the interview?"

"She called you charmingly young and nervous but said it was because this was your first one.  She praised the book, she praised the preview copy she had of the other books.  She did call Tral a juvenile fantasy come to life, but she's a woman.  That won't turn off any readers in our target audience."

"Cool."

"But there is big, huge news."

"Okay."

"My company and Paula's have been talking corporate marriage."

"Who'd be the wife?"

"You authors."  He smirked.

"Well, as long as I get some sweet talking and things, we'll be fine.  A little bit of lube, some nibbling on my neck, and it'll be good."

Chuck shook his head.  "We don't hand-hold that much, kid."

"Quick and dirty happens but it'd better be safe, I'd better be slightly tipsy, and it'd better make me smile in the morning."

"That I might be able to do.  It'd mean you wouldn't have to pay both of us."

"Oooh, more to spoil Tara with a new outfit so she can find a nice girl."

Chuck smiled and nodded.  "Did she?"

"She's going to a lesbian's tea this weekend."

"Good for her.  Will they like her?"

"I will kick any bull dyke's ass if they threaten her."

"It's good to know you're still scary, Xander."

"Thank you."  He grinned.  "So, good numbers?  Did they fall?"  Chuck nodded.  "That's bad," he sighed.

"The interview will help."

"That's coming out next month.  Which means I quit too soon."

"No, not hardly."  He held up something.  "Contract from the other books?  Contract for the paranormal books?"  Xander pounced him.  "Oooh, you're heavy, get off," he complained.

"I love you, man.  You're my favorite man behind Santa and Jim Henson."  He took them to look over.  "I need to take a class on contract law."

Chuck took them back, going over it clause by clause.  It looked good to him, good to Xander, and it covered any future books but didn't push for them.  In case the muses didn't cooperate.  "What have you been working on?"

"Something for Tara and a few other things that're more crappy than usual."

"Am I getting them?"

"No.  Tara's my monitor for the crap level.  If she hates it that much it doesn't go to Donnie."

"How many has she turned down?"

"Two I think."

"Uh-huh.  We might look at them some day."

"That's fine.  When your crap tolerance is raised and I'm desperate I'll hand them over."

"Good thinking."  He smirked.  "Any more like these?"

"Um, yeah but Tara hates it."

"Tough.  Send anything in that series to Donnie.  Today."

"Yes, Chuck."

"Good boy."  He held up a piece of paper.  Then a second.  "Payday."  Xander beamed.  "We've already taken our cut and Paula promised to take hers shoe shopping."  He let Xander sign that he had received them and gave him the checks.  "Take Tara, make her pretty so she gets a girlfriend.  Then go find a way to cure the bounciness."

"Sure, I can hit a brothel."  Chuck snickered but Xander bounced out.  He was a happy boy.  He was nearly happy enough for twins.  He drove back to the house, walking in.  "I'm home."

"I'm in the tub!" she squeaked.

"Well, get pretty.  We've got money and you've got that tea.  Which I'll be a very protective brother figure for.  They'll love you or I'll be mean to them."

"You can't be mean to them."  She came out in a robe with a towel on underneath.

"I can if they're mean to you."

"No.  You can't."

He stared her down.  "Bet me.  Get ready.  We're going shopping so you can make them drool."

She gave him an impatient look.  "Drool?"

"Drool.  Because one of us needs a nice girl in our lives."

She snorted but walked off, going to her bedroom.  She came out.  "Weekly check?"

"Contracts signed."  He flopped down.  "I'm under orders to send anything in the hunting series on even if you don't like it."  He patted himself down and went out to check the car.  He found the checks and came back with them in case.  She came out in a dress and her shoes on.  "Good."  He got up and made sure he had them.  She held out a hand.  He handed them over, walking behind her.  He'd be stopping to get her some chocolate ice cream as well as the clothes.  He put them in the bank, smiled at his balance, and drove her to the nice store Chuck's secretary had liked.  Once she was browsing he left, going up the street to the small ethnic store.  He came back and handed her the bag, getting a blush.  He grinned.  "Not like I don't know."

"I'm fine."

"I know.  Eat it or I will.  Chuck ordered me to find a woman later on."

"Please don't make me sob on the newest evil woman tonight, Xander."

"I wasn't going to.  Club maybe."  He shrugged.

"Then you need clothes more than I do."

"No, I have stuff in the bottom of the closet."

"I didn't see anything like that."

He smirked.  "You didn't look.  It was packed."  He looked at the curious sales girl.  "I'm her big brother in all but genetics.  She needs something for a tea this weekend to meet some nice people."  He saw her look over Tara.  "Yes, they're always long."

"Lesbian, sweetie?"  Tara nodded.  "What's your budget?"

"Under ten grand?" Xander said patiently.  "Make her cute and I want them to drool."

"I'm more modest than that," Tara said.

"They can drool and you can be modest," he told her.  "The art is in making you pretty."  He pointed.  "What about something like that?"

"Too light for this time of year.  It's supposed to rain."  She looked around, finding a long pencil skirt and a top that wasn't going to be trashy tight but pleasantly tight.

"Does that match?" Xander asked.   "I don't know but I wear hawaiian shirts."

"It's not exact but we have this shirt in tan and light blue.  Either of those would go.  Or white."

Xander looked at the skirt.  "Tan, Tara?"

"Tan," she decided.  She checked the size, got the next one up and the right size in the shirt, and he took it from her to put over his arm.  She stared at him.

"I'm used to shopping with Buffy."

"I'm more picky."

"Not hardly.  I spent a good few hours watching her try on shoes one weekend."

"Family of a different sort?" she asked.

He grinned.  "Bi but surrounded by girls.  I never get any guy time."

The sales clerk giggled.  "I'm sure that'll change."

"Maybe.  Hopefully."  He shrugged.  "Make her very pretty.  One of us needs a good woman in our lives."  The sales girl snickered gut helped Tara pick out a few more outfits.  Xander paid and they went down to the other store.  It was a lot more goth.  She gave him a look.  He pointed.  "Corset dresses like you like?"  She went to look.  He waved at the sales boy.  "Anything really interesting in the hunting stuff?"

"No, Mr. Harris."  She gave him the oddest look.  He smirked.  "We keep track of any hunters in town."

"I figured you did since Spike used to talk about coming here for stuff."  He grinned.  "My first book just came out.  I'm spoiling Tara."

"That's Tara?  Spike said a lot about her."

"Yup, though half the time he called her Glinda."  He noticed Tara blush and grinned.  "He did."

"He still does."  She pulled something down.  "I can't fit in that, right?"

He stared.  "If you do *I* might drool, Tara."  She swatted him hard.  "Ow," he said with a grin, rubbing it.  "You'd look very slinky."

"I don't do slinky."  She put it back.  He got a few things in her size and handed it over.  "You can pick out women's clothes?" she teased.

"Yeah, I can."  He smirked.  "I learned by watching Buffy and Willow shop when they needed a bag boy."  The sales boy laughed.  "Buffy can shop, dude.  Seriously shop.   Bankrupting a country shop."

"I figured she could.  She always seemed fashionable."

Tara put two of his things back.  "I can't fit in those."  He stared at her.  "I can't."

"You can so."

"I don't need a skirt with leather patches."

He sighed and got her something else, bringing it back.  "For the next awards dinner."  She blushed but put it in her pile.  He picked out a few more things.  Including some poly/nylon/rayon skirts that were a bit slinky but very free moving and very comfortable.  They were soft, didn't wrinkle if you scrunched them up, and cutely long enough for her.  He handed them over.  She stared.  "What?"

"Never mind," she sighed.

"Fuss, watch me buy you a corset," he taunted with a point at one that had a halter collar attached.  She went bright red and shook her head quickly.  She let the sales boy check her out.  Of course it was more than what he had on him in cash.  The ATM card wouldn't run here, they couldn't do debit.  He had to use his lone credit card but it was worth it.  It declined.  He frowned at it.  "It worked last week when I bought a soda.  I know we paid the bill this month."

Tara pulled out something from her wallet.  "You had three unexplained charges so I had them changed.  I thought I told you."

"You could have but I was probably in muse land."  That one declined.  "What the hell?"

"I don't know.  We can hold them back for a few hours."

Tara sighed and did something she didn't want to do.  She went out to the car and came back with a slim case.  "Emergency funds," she said.  "We can replace them in a few days."

"Considering what I earlier put in the bank, yeah," Xander agreed.  "I have no idea why the card declined."

"I'll talk to them later."  She took her bags once she had signed the slip.  "Thank you for putting up with us."

He smiled.  "I love it when people come in because they enjoy the clothes and aren't posers, Tara.  Have a good night."

"You too," Xander said with a grin.  "There's a paranormal hunting series coming out in a  few months too.  Ask Spike about it.  He read one of them over my shoulder when he was annoying me."

"I can do that."  He waited until they were gone to call Spike.  "Harris and Tara were just here.  Making her pretty.  Few things.  He said something about a paranormal book coming out?"  Spike moaned and told him about it.  "I might give that a try.  What else does he write?"  He smiled.  "I'll ask my brother.  He reads that stuff.  Thanks, Spike.  I gave them your discount."  He hung up and went to restock those items.   They would look adorable on her.

***

Xander walked Tara into the place for the tea, handing her over.  "Here you go, my sister."  He stared at one bull dyke, who only smiled back.  "I'll be back to pick her up in a few hours if she doesn't call.  Then she can send me away if she finds new friends."  He walked off, going to the bar next door.  It was a sports bar and he needed some manly time.

"Sorry, he's very overprotective," Tara said quietly.

"It happens when we're lucky.  I'm Tal."

"Tara," she said with a smile, shaking her hand.  "Are there many of us?"

"A lot but you'll be fine, dear.  First tea?"

She nodded.  "I haven't been in town long and my last girlfriend didn't go to these things."

"That's fine."  She walked her inside.  "Guys, this is Tara.  She's newish to the area.  This is her first tea.  She has a big brother who'll be back in a few hours unless she tells him not to."  They welcomed her and sat down to get to know the new member.  She was sweet and shy and adorable to them.  They didn't get many of the femme sisters in their group outside of girlfriends.  One gave her the address of the more femme shops too.  That way she could shop without her brother dressing her.  Tara slowly relaxed and it was nice.  They could handle this with her.  Tal saw Xander and waved him off, getting a nod.  He strolled off to get a candy bar and hit the car to write for a bit.  She'd come out when she was ready.  It was good for her to make new friends who could introduce her to nice girls.

***

Xander walked into the bookstore and smiled at the guy behind the counter.  "Hi.  I'm told I need to talk to the manager about an arrangement my agent did?"

"She's in the back, sir."  He paged her. "You're an author?"

"Alexian Harris," he said with a grin, shaking his hand.

"I saw your first book.  It's been well liked.  No one's brought it back."  The manager came out.  "This is Mr. Harris?"

"I talked to your agent."  She walked him off.  "We have a few of the local science fiction and fantasy writers locally who meet here and sometimes have book signings."

"I didn't know we meet.  I'll have to start coming to those."

She smiled.  "Wednesdays at seven."

"Cool.  Thank you.  So, book signing coming up?"

"There is one.  He wanted us to include you.  You've just had your first book published?"

"And three more coming in the next six months."  She stared.  He smiled.  "I have a backlog."

"Oh.  That's good.  I guess."  She walked him into the office.  "This is...."

"Patsy."

She looked up.  "Xander.  What are you doing here?"

He pointed at his book on her desk.  "'Tis me too."

"Oh!"  She smiled.  "They wanted you to come to the book signing."  He nodded with a grin.  "That's fine.  We can arrange that and get you in with the weekly group too.  Most of them are nice guys but a few are grumpy pains in the ass."

"I've met many people like that," he quipped.  He sat down.  "So I show up, be pretty, have a pen to sign with?"

"You will.  I'd suggest a gel writer.  Easier on the wrist but it won't seep through."  He nodded at that.  "Since this is your first one I won't expect a lot of people coming for you.  Are you free tonight?  Some of us are going out for a drink.  I can introduce you so no one thinks that you're muscling in on their spotlights."

"Sure.  I can do that."  He called home.  "It's me.  I've been invited out for drinks with the local writer's group at the bookstore.  Sure, I'll be good.  You have fun on your date and remind her I'm scary if she moves in ways you don't like."  She laughed and hung up.  He put his phone back in his pocket.  "Tara's good with that since she's got a date too."

"Good."  She smiled and called someone to warn them.  "Hey, Melvin, it's Patsy.  We have a new writer joining the group.  He didn't know we had one but his first book has just come out.  He's joining the group and the book signing.  Harris.  Alexian Harris, yes.  Why?"  He said something.  She rolled her eyes.  "He wants to join the group too, Melvin.  Really.  I'll bring him around tonight for drinks."  She hung up.  "He's having a grumpy day."

"They happen to everyone sometime."  He grinned.  "When?"

"Six, Saturday evening.  Tonight, in about two hours at the Marquez Hotel's bar?"

"Can I sit out there and write?  I'll give you a ride."

"Sure.  We don't mind."  He beamed and shook their hands before bouncing off.  "He's a bit hyper and happy today."

"He's new.  He'll get jaded like Melvin later on."  She looked at her co-manager.  "He has more than one coming out?"

"I don't know."  She logged onto the book tracking site they used to order from.  "They're pre-listing two others."

"Hmm, not bad."

"No, very not bad."  She shut it down after printing that.  He must be good.  She only knew him from the comic shop they both used.  She called down there to see if they knew he had published something.  The owner didn't but he mentioned it and a few said they had heard about it.

***

Xander came home muttering.  Some of the guys were very stuck up.  He guessed they were the cranky cheerleaders for the writing world.  He listened.  Tara was being happy.  He smiled and went to his room with his laptop.  He needed to do some work anyway.  Plus he needed to check his email.  He had in-house wifi so he could do that.  He turned down the sound too.

"Xander?" she called in a loud pant.

"I'm fine.  In my room.  Make her squeal more, my sister needs it."  He shut his door.  It activated the silencing spell she had put up for them.  In his email were his most recent sales numbers.  He was picking up monthly checks from Chuck now instead of weekly.  They were still selling so that was pretty good.  Hopefully it'd keep getting better with each book.  Then he could make sure Tara was well set up if one of his girlfriends killed him.  Because you never knew, some evil girls could be that way.  Especially the ones he liked.

The End.

Chapter 3: Changing Of The Advisors

A new convention starts off some changes that leads to the original group splitting more apart but not in a bad way.

Xander was back at the local writer's convention, which he adored coming to.  The new writers' panel was fun.  He learned a lot even though he had over a year in now.  He raised a hand.  His mentor from last year smirked and nodded at him.  "Even though you're not a new writer anymore."

"I learn more here than I have in some of the other panels.  What do you do if you know what's going to happen for the next ten chapters but you don't know what's going to happen for the next ten words?"

He considered it.  "When I get blocked, I get a total block.  I'd say write ahead and come back to join?  Or I usually end up getting frustrated and moving onto something else.  An editing job, that stuff."

"Blocks like that do happen," one of the others assured them all.  "He's right, write around it and come back when it comes, or go work on something else.  That's about all you can really do.  Do you know why you're stuck?  Is it a problem writing something you're unfamiliar with  or uncomfortable with?"

"I don't think so.  They're joking over a beer and it's going well then suddenly I can't find the next word.  I know what happens later, after the bar, but I'm thinking they're going to talk during this and maybe spill some back story."

"Go around it," she said.  "Most likely you'll get those pages in a few hours."

Richard shrugged.  "I never had that sort but that's my only idea too.  That or get out and do anything but write for a few hours since I heard you've been so active again."

"I did last week.  I wasn't sure that's why I lost that one."

He shrugged.  "Maybe but it'll come back, kid."  Xander nodded, sitting down again.  "Most of you have more than one thing you're working on anyway and even when you get stuck it's important to keep working on something, otherwise you lose those muscles."

"In cases of crippling writer's block, because I have seen a few where you weren't able to write anything, even an email, go on vacation," the other one said.  That got a few nods and some notes taken.  "I remember you from last year," she told Xander.

He grinned.  "Thank you."

She smirked back.  "First book out?"

"First three books out," he said sheepishly.  "I still learn more here."

"Three different first books in series," Richard told her.  "One's doing okay on the chart.  The other two, kid?"

"Pretty normal for fantasy books from what I'm told."

"Congratulations."

Xander beamed.  "Thank you."  The others smiled at him.  "You keep going until you get something they like," he told them.  "And listen to your agents if they say change things.  I had to tone down a character because he was so flaming but he was straight."

"Characters that are too polarized can lead to problems," Richard agreed.  "Ambiguous will win those fights instead."  Xander nodded.  "But there's places for the more polarized characters, or even the more flamboyant ones.  The paranormal series?"

"Tral."

"I read that first one," he said with a smirk.  "I'm surprised they let you keep those dwarf jokes."

"I went with a smaller house because they said they would.  It gave them a lot more notice.  Plus they could do more to pimp me around because they had the time to pay attention to me."

"That's not a bad reason.  About equal money?"

"Little bit less but better hand holding since it was my first few."

"Then that's reasonable."  He smiled at the others.  "For those of you who're lucky enough, you'll have to make that decision some day.  Think of it like selling a house.  You have to see who offers the best price, the best perks, and who wants to do what to your stories.  Then you decide based on what you've decided is important.  Going to a smaller house may mean that you don't climb so far up the bestseller list but they can also give your book more attention to make sure more people want to read it.

"The bigger publishing houses have a department to arrange for signings, coming out parties if you're good, that sort of thing.  Smaller houses don't usually have the same amount of contacts to do those but they can wiggle their way into other areas that could help.  Individual promotions like book signings.  Interviews with some of the better magazines that more normal people, instead of bookies, read.  Also with some more regional papers instead of the biggest names."

"I'm finding it's making mine sell for longer.  My agent said he expected my first book's sales to taper about a month ago and they're still staying pretty steady because we've been doing a lot of regional and lower key work to get information out.  Comic conventions, that sort of thing."

"Which is a good thing in your field.  I couldn't push mine there," Richard said with a smirk, "but I can at places like law enforcement conventions if I was so unknown.  If you have something out there, see if your agent can get you places like that.  Any good advertising will do your sales good."

The female author nodded.  "He's right.  I did a lot of comic conventions for my fantasy stuff and a lot of romance writers stuff for the stuff I was writing to pay the bills."

Xander raised a hand and got a nod.  "The groups, like Romance Writers of America and the Sci-Fi guild, which I can't remember the name of, or the local writer groups, are they good for newer writers?  I'm part of one that meets at a bookstore but a few of them are grumpy and jaded."

"They can be," Richard said.  "But I've never been part of one."  He looked at her.

"I am a member of both of those," she admitted.  "It does give you news, there's information on people looking for books.  There's information on contests for writing if that's your way of making some extra money.  I think it's good but you'll find a lot of bigger authors, the ones that've put out a few at least semi-successful books, won't be there.  I think for new writers and those who haven't made a name yet it's a good thing.  I also think it's a shame that the bigger writers don't stay around to mentor others.  It could help some of the younger writers."  Xander checked his watch.  "You got half an hour, Alexian."

"Thanks."  He grinned.  "So the grumpy viewpoint is just local?"

"No.  There's always some jaded writers," she assured him with a smile.  "Those who've sold very minor things.  Things that weren't wildly successful.  People who've been doing it for ten or twenty years and haven't gotten sold at all.  So I think it is good for the information.  The conventions are fun, and have a lot of good panels like we do here.  I think that it's not a bad idea if you want to go that way but to be careful of the advice you get sometimes."

"So joining good, being happy good, but it's like campfire stories, beware of the ending?" another new writer asked.

"In a few ways, but definitely go to the conventions if you can.  Genre specific ones mean that you meet a lot of them in whatever you write.  People who've been where you are, and higher, and lower.  You can have some newbies that can barely string a few words together all the way to major authors there who may or may not give advice.  Some of them are only there to sign things."

A few more took notes.  "That's something I never thought about," Richard admitted.

She nodded.  "I joined to get the information on upcoming events where people were looking for unsolicited manuscripts and who was accepting new submissions at all."

"Interesting.  Good for those with an agent?"

"I've met some agents that didn't know that there were groups," she admitted.  "It gives you more areas to shop to and you can tell the agent to see if they know about it.  You do get a lot of smaller publishing houses that way."

"Very interesting.  So it's probably worth the dues just to get the information and the convention."

She nodded.  "It was for me."

"Good question, kid."  He got a happy smile back.  "Next question?"

"Editing?  Is there an easier way?" one female author asked.  "I keep missing typos and things."

"Either put it down for a month or so, that way you're not looking at it from memory.  You're reading it fresh," the female author said.  "Or hire an editor."

"Some college english departments do offer a writing center," Xander told her.  "They might be willing to let you hire a TA more cheaply than an editor."

"Editing services can be expensive, depending on how much you send them," Richard agreed dryly.  "You're just prolific."  He looked at her again.  "That's not a bad idea.  Hiring someone who would look it over for you.  Or a best friend if they're reasonably good at grammar.  The thing I see most usually, that makes some of us cringe, are grammar issues instead of spelling.  Those happen even with editors but sometimes the grammar gets ignored.  Not everyone speaks perfect english but sometimes it's really bad."

"Would that be nearly free?"

"That would depend on the school," he said.  "You'd have to talk to them."

"Some do have writer's groups on campus.  You might think about that, or see if there's a writer's group where you are.  Again, some can be jaded but they might know where and who you can go to more cheaply if money's an issue."

She nodded and sat down.  Another one stood up.  "What about contracts?  Do we have to worry about them?"

"I know pretty well how they should go," Richard said.

The female author nodded.  "That should be pretty standard with only a few individual changes like rate of pay for the agent and you, those things.   Kid?"

Xander looked at him.  "My agent explains every single clause to me, still.  I'm thinking about taking a class in contract law, enough that I can read the things myself.   Generally, mine so far have been pretty standard.  We're agreeing to buy your book, you owe us this many more or for this long, we want this series and anything new in it, you or we can break it at any time, rate of pay for you, cut for your agent, that stuff.   My agent joked it was about as complicated as his prenup.  Why are you unsure about yours?"

"I'm not sure that they didn't put in clauses to obligate me to stick with them even if they don't like it.  Which means they don't have to publish my stuff, right?" he asked the more famous authors.

"Some houses can do that.  What did your agent say?"

"He's gushing about the publishing house."

"There's a panel later on about contracts," he said.  "I'd say bring it there.  Ask another agent about that clause.  See what they think.  That can be a limiting one if they don't like everything you write and you can't shop those others around."

The writer nodded.  "Would taking a class in it help?"

"I don't think it'd hurt but I'm not sure how many classes it would be until you understood contracts."

"I talked to a guy at UCLA and he said three classes until you got all of contract law down.  I told him why and he said I might miss things like terminology but I'd still get enough out of it to be able to read my own contracts and at least look up any terms I didn't understand," Xander told him.  "They're not offered at the same time though."

"So the panel today is going to get me a quicker answer but for general purposes it's not a bad idea?"

Richard shrugged.  "I don't think it's a horrible one unless you start to over think them.  Most of our sort of contracts aren't that complicated.  They fill in the blanks basically.   Now I will say to let someone else do a prenup if you're getting into a relationship.  Someone official so it's binding and legal.  That has ruined many authors over the years."  He saw the subtle glance at the watch and looked at his.  "We are running long.  Last questions that we can answer before the panel for your first book and what to do with it?"

"Is it good to get agent suggestions from other writers?" one female asked.  "I'm looking for one since I took the suggestion of going to magazine work first."

"Yes," Richard said.  "Like getting a recommendation for any other professional in your life.  That way you know if they fuss, nag, whine at you, anything like that."

"Who's yours then?" she asked.  He pointed at Paula since she was attending to look at writers.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  To all of you, welcome to writing, kids.  It's a wild ride if you can make it."  They clapped.  He smiled at the one heading over to his panel.  "Paula."  She smiled at him.  "Good news?"

"Very good news.  Yours is doing very good."  She handed him something, looking at the kid who had the question about the contract.  "There will be six agents at that panel tonight.  Bring it so we can see it."  He nodded.  She looked around.  "Where did the kid go?"

"Young writer's," the female said.  "He sat on it last year too."

"He started at sixteen."  Paula smiled at the other writers piling in for autographs.  Soon the kid would have to deal with that.

***

Xander sat down.  "Am I late?" he asked.

"We're waiting for about ten minutes.  You are?" the girl next to him asked.

"Alexian Harris."  He grinned and shook her hand.  "I started at sixteen, got published at seventeen."

"So you know about being a young writer."  He nodded.  "That's wonderful.  Full novels?"

"Magazines then.  I've just put out my first few novels.  One in each series within the last year."

"Congratulations."  He beamed.  She waved a hand down the table.  "Do you know the rest of us?"

"I sat on this panel last year.  Hey, Dell."  He smiled and waved, going back to his reading.  "I do not know the one on the end."

"That is Marjorie.  She started later but she's co-authored with a few younger writers."

"That's cool."  He got up and introduced himself.  "Hi, Alexian Harris," he said with a  smile.

"I heard you were here last year," she said, shaking his hand.

"I was.  I was in their spots a few years back."  He shook her hand.  "Nearly there."  He sat down, looking at the growing crowd.  "Hi, guys," he said.  "Who's moderating the panel?"

Dell put his book up.  "It's my duty this year."  He smiled.  "We have a good turn out this year."

"It's encouraging to see," Xander agreed.  "First, give yourselves a hand.  You're writing.  You're young, it's fantastic, and a way to deal with our lives and how confusing they can be, plus helping us be better people."  They clapped for themselves.  He smiled at Dell.  "What's this year's topic?"

"First, let's talk about how we started and when.  Marjorie?"

"I started a bit later than this panel covers but I have co-authored with a good number of younger writers.  Usually young writers looking to break into established areas."

"Like the Star Trek books?" Xander asked.

"Yes, like those.  I co-authored with three young ones this year and I've mentored a few others into the field."

Dell smiled.  "Thank you.  I'm Dell, I've been writing since I was eighteen.  First sold at twenty-five, critical success at thirty-eight.  Still making ends meet to blow any bubbles open."

"I'm Christine, I've been writing now for about five years.  I've sold a few in the established series work."

"I'm Alexian Harris," he told them.  "I started at sixteen.  First magazine short story just after my seventeenth birthday.  First novel just after the convention last year."  A few smiled at that.  "Now a few more out."  He looked at Dell when he snickered.  "What?"

"We were all giddy and high when our first few came out, Alexian.  It's normal to add that to everything you do for the next few books."

He grinned.  "I probably always will.  It's like a dream come true in some ways."

"It can be.  It can also turn into a nightmare when you're struggling."

"Don't remind me of the block, please," he said dryly, getting an understanding look back.  "Questions?" he suggested.  Dell nodded.  He pointed at the first hand to go up.  "What's up?"

"Did you need a parent to sign things so young?"

"Usually, yes," Christine said.

"Though if you tell them that your parents aren't exactly available, some may work with you," Xander said.   "Or if your parents are scary and pushing.  Generally if you're reasonably adult they won't ask.  They didn't on my second one."

"Mine usually has," Christine told him.  "But that could be because I look younger than you do, Alexian."

"It could be," he agreed.  "That's also a case-by-case but generally I'd expect you to need some sort of adult to sign contracts since you can't until you're eighteen.  You can definitely sign over your paycheck at your age."

"So if our parents aren't going to turn out to be thieves or anything like that, we should expect it.  If they are, tell them?"

Xander nodded.  "Let them know, offer another adult instead.  For some that may work.  I only ran into that the first story and that one understood.  A lot.  He had seen the writer's version of a stage mom."

"Generally," Dell agreed.  "You should have one.  If you have circumstances where it's not viable, then do let them know.  They may still allow it with another person signing.  If you have an agent on the sly they can do it for you."

"Or you can possibly get someone like a notary public to do it for you," Christine offered.  "I had to do that for one of mine since my parents were on vacation in Peru when something sold."

"So there's ways around it but expect them to need it," the kid said.  They all nodded.  "Thank you."  He sat down.

Dell looked at Xander.  "Do your parents know you write?"

"Nope.  They're in their own world."

"I guess that happens to some of us.  I always imagined guys like you writing angsty poetry."

"I know a guy like that who's older, but no.  Not me.  Fantasy."

"I read your first one," one of the girls in the audience said, standing up.  "How did you get ideas?"

Xander shrugged.  "I have very active muses who like to wake me up at four in the morning for taking dictation.  I have no idea.  An idea just pops into my head.  I go until someone like Tara brings me out of my writing to eat.  I have heard a lot of other authors get theirs from watching people.  Sitting in a mall watching people go by wondering about them."

"That's where I get a lot of mine," Dell agreed.  "I see someone that catches my attention.  I start to wonder 'what if' about them.  That can also depend on your genre.  In some, like fantasy and the established series, it's a matter of an idea that hasn't been done.  You can't watch people in the mall and wonder about starships."

"You can find some seriously fascinating alien species though," Xander quipped.  "Especially among the teenagers who aren't among your friends."  A few kids laughed.

"I have," Christine agreed.  "I based a whole alien species on the new Valley Girl movement."

"I have a whole clan of priestesses based on some beta sheep cheerleaders," Xander agreed.

Dell looked down at him.  "I saw that in Tral," he said with a smirk.  Xander just grinned back.  "Ex?"

"Their goddess.  I dated an alpha cheerleader for a bit."  He looked out there.  "For those still in high school, you have the best opportunity to find out the various ways groups interact.  Even if you're part of one.  I've read my near sister's psychology textbooks and laughed at the way they theorize people go together in groups.  You guys are living it.  Look around you.  You will find tons of characters that will never be believed.  The strife for those who want to write drama.  Angst, emotion, romance for those in that field.  Teenagers do it more simply than adults since most of them don't have the outside complications that adult relationships do, but they do it with more drama."

"In some high schools you can find true crime things too," Dell agreed.  "Generally  I'd say to take down whatever random ideas are coming to you when your mind is wandering.  If you're people watching, if you're writing true crime and watching the news.  What about fantasy, Alexian?"

"I can get some people watching.  The 'wow, they'd make a good troll and he's hitting on an elf-like girl' sort.  That can depend on how you see the world.  If you're writing fantasy and you see the world in terms of other species instead of human, then it's a lot easier."  That got some laughs.  "Otherwise, I've gotten some while reading.  A few thinking I could do that story *so* much better, and other things.  I looked at some of the paranormal stuff out there and snorted that it was crap so I decided I could do it better.  Apparently I'm not too bad."

"What about research?" another one asked.

"Depends on your genre of choice," Marjorie said.  "If you're writing in an established series, like I and Christine do, then you probably should have done all you can to be familiar with that series."

"For real-life books like true crime and spy novels, I'd do a lot," Dell agreed. "I don't know what sort of research you can do in fantasy."

"I do," Xander promised.  "How many of you guys have seen the hero using a sword that was only realistic in anime?"  He raised his own hand.  A few others did.  He smiled.  "If you're going to write people handling a sword, you should at least know what types of swords are available.  Same with other weapons.  I've actually handled a lot of them.  I'm very good at the sword work outside of fencing actually.  I'm also a crack shot with a crossbow.

"A lot of authors don't take into account that you get really tired during a fight.  Especially when you're using a sword or a staff.  It's not like walking up to someone and punching them.  You've also got the weight of the weapon wearing on your muscles.  Even with practice, you can't have an hour long, non-stop fight with a sword.  By then your hands are sweaty and even with leather bindings it can slip out of your hands.  Your arms are going to be exhausted by then.

"So I would suggest that you at least handle the weapons.  Learn how they weigh, how they feel in your hand.  You may not write that specific, but if you know that a ten pound sword is unlikely, and even with training that you can't really run a seven minute mile with it in your hands, then that's going to figure into your writing."

"A lot of fantasy is historically set for timeline," Dell added.  "The Dungeons and Dragons series are set about Middle Ages for technology?"

"Bit before then," Xander told him.  "There wasn't a whole lot of technological difference outside of some weapon styles.  Staffs fell out of use before guns came on the scene."

"So maybe a Ren Faire might not be amiss?" Christine said.  "Get to know the clothes, the weapons, the things that they ate?"

"That's not a bad idea.  You want to think about those things," Xander agreed.  "Unless you have a walking source to that time," he offered with a grin.  That got a few more laughs.  He pointed at one.  "What's on your mind?"

"Clothing.  I know it's a female thing but in fantasy novels you see silks and satins."

"You did see them sometimes in the higher born but what no one tells you is that they took a bath once a week during the summer and usually once a month in the winter," Xander told her.  "They lived on about four outfits.  Things like your shift, you slept in them and lived in them until they wore out then you had another one put on.  Sometimes sewn on you."  She shuddered, sitting down.  "It's another part of setting.  The same as back then they didn't have bottled water.  People drank a lot of near beer, real beer, some ales depending on where you lived, and some weak wines.  You didn't get the great feasts unless it was a special event if you were a peasant.  You lived on what you farmed and what you caught.  You traded those for things that you needed or wanted."

"Historical novels often have things like that which irk real historians or those who play at being historians," Dell agreed.  "You have to try to set it as much as you can in your chosen time period's abilities."  Xander nodded at that.  "Good wine?"

"Rich people got good wine.  Regular people drank home brew.  In modern terms they drank the equivalent of moonshine and hooch like the guys in jail make in milk cartons.  Brewed beers were weak because you needed the stuff for food.  You often used the grain you used to brew the beer or ale with in a dish afterward so it didn't go to waste.  Stuffing in a bird that you killed.  Part of a stew.  Maybe even in bread making.  Also, they didn't have a huge set of pans.  They had a dutch oven, they had a frying pan usually.  They may have had two of each or so.  Maybe a flat pan to bake on.  Probably a spit.  All in iron.  Heavy, durable iron."  A few took notes.  "They had spoons they carved, dishes they carved.  Pottery dishes were for expensive things and rich people.  Normal, average people made most everything or had to trade whatever they could raise, mine, hunt, or steal for it."

"I've seen books who had peasants who had china," Marjorie agreed.

Xander nodded.  "So have I.  It wouldn't have stood up to daily use.  Oh, on horses?  Geldings.  Stallions are more high strung, they're harder to control.  Most horses are mares or geldings.  Stallions are kept for the mares or someone had one for breeding and they still used mares for most everything else.  Like women, mares had little rights and did a lot of the work."

"We've all seen inaccuracies," Dell told him.

"Yes, but some of them will get you yelled at by some people.   Especially if you have strong, outspoken feminist friends like I do.  A few of them don't want to think about what women went through and like to gloss it over.  Some of them will yell at you though."

"I've had a physicist yell at me," Marjorie sighed.  "I pointed out it was fantasy."

"But it's teaching people wrong," Xander mimicked in a falsetto, cracking half the audience up.

"Yes, he did speak about that high pitched," she said dryly.

"You get past those with the 'it's a story' explanation and you ignore most of them while trying to make sure the next one is a bit more accurate," Xander told the group.  "There will always be someone who will not like what you write.  People from other genres, people who don't like your style, all that.  Remember that you write because you want to write.  Because you like to write, even though there's days you consider your word processing program the sucking pit to hell.  Add that with late teen and young twenties stresses and you might throw it if you've got a laptop.  I had a few of those days."

"Mostly at the people who criticized you?" Christine guessed.

"You have no idea," he said dryly, making her smile.  "Even the bigger name writers get it, guys.  At our age, we don't have as many calluses but sometimes you've got to form some."

"It's not all fun and games," Dell agreed.  "Writing is work.  Sometimes you do get some fun."

"I was promised groupies sometime," Xander said with a bright, cheery grin.

The whole audience cackled at that.

Dell looked down at him, shaking his head.  "Someone lied, Alexian.  Groupies only come with top ten best sellers."

Xander shrugged.  "Some day I'll get there."

"If you're sure."  He smiled and pointed at one impatient looking young man.  "Your turn."

"What's the most important virtue a writer can have?"

"Persistence," the women said.

"Patience," Xander said.  "Because even when your agent is sending things, it can take *weeks* to hear anything, and the sooner the worst as I've seen it."

"They're both equally important," Dell agreed.  "Persistence while writing, patience afterward.  Patience sometimes while writing and persistence with your agent.  It's very helpful.  That and staying calm.  Even when things go well, if you don't you tend to do something dumb that gets you the wrong notice and can ruin a career."  He looked down at Xander.

"Don't give me that look," he quipped with a grin.  "It's not my fault the club I was celebrating in got busted for too many cat fights that night.  Or that I had to run behind a male officer to save me from two of the female ones, who were later arrested.  My friends say I draw bad girls."  He smiled sweetly at him.

"I think that night proved it, yes," he agreed, cracking up the women on the panel.  "I looked into his background.  This last year he's had four girlfriends arrested?"

"Yeah.  All for things like homicide," he agreed.  Christine gaped at him.  He beamed at her.  "Aren't you glad you only think I'm goofy and slightly cute?"

"Definitely.  I'd hate to be that bad of a girl."

Xander shrugged.  "They can be fun but mean."  He grinned at the guy.  "Yoga, dude.  It helps all that and ideas like to flow when you're in that calm mental state for most of us."

He nodded and sat down.  "I can see why."

One girl stood up.  "Do you consider yourself in a different class of writer because you're not working in an established universe?" she asked Xander.

He shook his head.  "No, I tend to write in universes, I'm just the first to write in it."  He grinned.  "All authors, even the ones that never get published, are still authors.  It's just that there's different tastes.  I may appeal to some of their readers and I've read plenty of established series books over the years.  I might even write one some day.  Don't know.  To me, writing is writing.  Christine?  Since I seem to be dominating today?"

"I don't see much difference.  We're a bit more goal oriented than he is in our writing.  A lot of us who write in it would love to write something more original and all our own but it's not going to sell right now.  It's not the flavor or trend of the moment.  Alexian got lucky because a lot of younger authors do start out in established series so they can get a foot in.  You started in magazine short stories?"  He nodded.  "Which is the other most common path for young writers.  Is it harder to write short or long, Alexian?"

"Depends.  Sometimes the hardest thing is staying within the word count they want.  I've had one of my novels that's coming out cut down and some of that put into another book in the series instead because of length.  There's been times I had to edit severely to get within a word count a magazine wanted.  We're all slaves to the editors.  I love mine but he's almost a nazi about grammar issues.  My agent keeps telling me to write simpler so it can fit into necessary guidelines.  It takes me longer to write something longer.  Usually you have more leeway on the word and page count in longer things.  I had one story I had to cut into two and then struggled for two weeks to beef up the second half because it was too long and there was no way to cut it down."

"So it'd depends on the demands made of you?" Dell asked.  He nodded.  "Marjorie, do you concur?"

"I do.  Word counts can be strict," she said.  "Usually I end up having to add a bit instead of cutting down.   I've read one of his stories in a magazine and it was well written but it did leave you going 'where's the rest'."

"Babes in gun land?" he asked.  She nodded.  "I had to cut nearly ten pages from that one.  The rest may be in another short story some day.  If I can add to it."

"It's not long enough on its own?" Dell asked.

"I have to add back story to make it make sense to those who didn't read the first one anyway."

"I guess that's reasonable.  It's an interesting question," he told her.  "I don't see a difference and I've done both.  Some writers temp in other genres for the same reason.  It pays well."

"They're almost always guaranteed to at least moderate sales.  Writing all original stuff in an unestablished universe is iffy.  You sell if people like it or the book reviews like it.  They'll sell just because they're in that series.  I know people who have bought Star Trek and Lycan'verse books just to have them, even if they never read them.  Mine, you have to want to read to buy."

"That's why it's more steady for your career," Dell agreed.  "You get a lot more work offered to you."

Xander nodded.  "I have to sell people on my stories.  They only have to sell someone who's doing the series that yeah, this fits."

Marjorie nodded.  "That's why it's much easier for young authors to break in this way.  Short stories are a wonderful way.  There's not as much stress.  You don't have to worry about violating your own cannon.  In an established one you'll get guidelines.  Things like 'this couple is together' or 'this character is this old and this way'."

"How many of you guys have seen that stuff written online?" Dell asked.  Most everyone raised their hands.  "Writing in an established series is like that.  You write the characters true to themselves, you stay within cannon.  Doing it all original and having to make up your own worlds has driven some of us nuts."  Xander nodded quickly, getting a few grins.  "Four universes, Alexian?"

"Four at the present time, one stand alone that may or may not be followed with the publishers.  Three uni's out, one that's coming out this spring.  Tara sat down to write out cannon facts so she could refer back to them when she got lost between two of them.  She thinks they'll end up being merged but I don't think so.  Unless I pull a _Rowan_."

"That is an interesting way to do that," Dell agreed.  "Tral?"

"No.  The two that's not that or the paranormal one."

"I saw the cover of that one."

Xander beamed.  "We worked for *weeks* on what it should look like so it's dark and shady but can still be made out."

He nodded.  "Looked good."  He smiled at them.  "If you're lucky, you turn into him or the next Stephen King.  If you're just a good author but people don't twig to you really fast, you turn into us, who've been doing this for years but we're not household names."

"Does Mr. King get groupies?" one girl asked, cracking up the audience.

"I'm sure he does.  I've seen some scary fans at conventions too.  Not all of them in costume."

"Did I date them?" Xander asked, looking up.  Dell reached over to pinch him, making him yelp.  "Sorry, my mind's going strange since I'm blocked."

Marjorie looked down.  "You really should date better women before they kill you, Alexian."

"I'd like it if nice girls were attracted to me."  He shrugged.  "They're not."  He beamed.  "So I'm having fun while it lasts."  He smiled at the group.  "Which is the important part of writing.  Yes, it's work, but if you hate your job that much, don't do it.  We've all had days when we hated it, but if it keeps up, try something new.  Or just walk away for a bit.  Happy writers create better things.  The unhappy, bored ones give you things that you plod through."

"Shakespeare was happy," one pointed out.

"And for his day he was also a randy little sucker who slept around a lot from what I've been told," Xander said.  "But he wasn't *unhappy* with his writing."

Dell nodded.  "Writing is a business and like any business we'll have people who leave it because it doesn't suit them.  Know when that's you.  It's called burn out.  It leads to good authors drinking too much or taking drugs.  Then we lose good authors."

"Like guitar players.  Even if Jimi Hendrix did it, it doesn't mean you can and you won't get the same results."

"Is this a common problem?" the guy from earlier with the virtues question asked.

"Within ten years we'll be missing a good quarter of this room due to addictions or them dropping out of writing."  The kid shuddered.

Xander nodded.  "Especially if you get that famous.  There's people who'll offer.  We won't get it like starlets do."

Marjorie nodded.  "I've had a few I've mentored fall into that trap."

"It's an artistic industry wide problem," Dell told them.  "While we'd hate to lose you, we know it will happen."  He looked down at Xander.  "You we may miss for different reasons."

"You may," he agreed but he grinned slightly.  "You never know what sort of woman's next to come to me."  He shrugged.  "We deal with it.  Like he said, we'll miss you guys, and it's a good idea to talk to other writers about these stresses.  My main agent's assistant offered me a bump of coke and Chuck nearly beat him to death for it."

"That's true, there's groups out there.  Genre specific, writing groups, local ones."

"Now, this did come up in the new writer panel," Xander asked.  "Because I asked if they were worthwhile.  The senior authors there did say it wasn't a bad idea to join them.  That you'd get information, some solidarity with other writers, but sometimes you can find the over experienced or jaded."

Dell nodded.  "Definitely.  Especially those who have good books that never went on to become a critical success.  You'll find a lot of them will complain about young writers who hit the spotlight without paying their dues.  Ignore them.  We're chosen to go higher whenever someone notices us.  Some of us were lucky to hit it younger," he said, pointing at Xander and Christine.  "Some of us got noticed older."  He pointed at him and Marjorie.   "I think for young writers there is a lot of good in them.  People to bounce ideas off of, to get help with problems, to talk about topics that are important to what you're writing."

"Conventions just like these," Xander added with a smile.  "We were told not to take all advice without examining it for reasonableness."

"That's a good idea anyway," Dell agreed.  "Are you a member?"

"Of the local one in LA.  I've been thinking about joining the bigger fantasy guild, which I still can't remember the name of."

"That's not a bad idea," he agreed.  "Especially those in their twenties and late teens.  It's like joining a fraternity in a way.   Only with less alcohol everywhere but the conventions."  Marjorie snickered at that, shaking he head.  "Last year's Drama Writers Association convention had beer pong and a drinking trivia game among the younger ones."

Xander snickered.  "I pimped my first book at a regional comic con.  No contest to how wild some of them got."

"Is it important for authors to go to conventions like that?" one female asked.

"If you're writing in a genre that has conventions, yeah, it can help your sales.  I've had some very good sales from the comic-cons, plus as a geek I got to enjoy the con itself a few times a day.  It's led to more sales, getting more word of mouth out there.  I won't get a spread in _People_ for years yet, but half the geeks on the west coast know my books now."

"So it's helpful in marketing."

"And ideas," Xander told her.  "Especially if you write fantasy."

Delll nodded.  "Plus you meet agents at them sometimes and others seeking unsolicited manuscripts.  This is early writer issues, not later ones, but at your age we all had to do some pimping of our stuff.  Fantasy and sci-fi books go to comic cons.  Those in true crime to go murder mystery events or sometimes a booth set up a law enforcement convention.  The only one that left out of that is really the true drama writers.  Those who write things like _Angela's Ashes_ and the like."

"I thought the depressed people had one," Xander said with a grin.  "Something about epic poetry slams?"  Dell pinched him again, getting a grin back.  "If you want to sell once you're published you've got to get the word out there.  Ads are nice, but most people, including most of us, skip over ads.  Or book reviews in magazines.  There are tons of books out there and more get printed every year.  If you want to sell you've got to make people want to read your stuff instead of the other things."

"You hear that some go on promotional tours," she said.

He nodded.  "I've been warned I might have to some day," Xander agreed.  "Dell?"

"You don't get those that much for established series work," he said.  "For original stuff, yup.  And the more you sell the more they want you to go."

Marjorie nodded.  "Romance writers get that a lot more often than some other genres."

"And depending on where you are on the best sellers list, depends on what sort of pimping you're doing.  Guys like Castle don't go to conventions.  He goes on Good Morning America.  We go to conventions and dream of the day we're on GMA," Xander added.

She nodded.  "So we'll be needing time off work."

"Ask your agent.  You can start close to home.  Conventions if that's in your genre are usually weekends.  Book store events are usually late afternoon or early evening.  Book signings can be really fun.  You get to talk to the fans, hear what they liked and didn't.  It gives you feedback that floats your soul for a good few hours."

Christine nodded.  "I love signings and conventions.  I get to talk to the people who read it, get what they liked.  I feel it makes me a better writer."

Marjorie nodded.  "It can and it does give you a natural high that makes you happy for weeks."

Dell nodded.  "Definitely."  He checked his watch.  "Two last questions."  He pointed at one.  "What's your question, young man?"

"When do we get to sit on the panel and mentor?"

"When you've sold at least one big thing," he said with a smile.  "It's a goal of mine to pass my seat onto Alexian some day and let him monitor the board while some other young scut takes all the questions about his best selling novel."  He pointed at another.  "What's your question?"

"What about people who are writing to get rid of their demons?"

"They fit in the drama section," he told her.  "Sometimes they're even more important than anything one of us will write.  It can help others deal with things.  There's plenty of room for them."  She nodded.  He pointed at one who was nearly crying.  "What's yours since those were easy ones?"

"How do you get started?"

"You write.  You print.  You send your best efforts out to wherever you can find an opening.  Magazines, publishing houses.  You wait and probably get rejected a lot.  Then one finally says 'okay, we'll try it'.  That's why you have to have patience and persistence."  He smiled at her.  "We've all been there.  It took me three years to send my first thing in.  Another few to get accepted.  Alexian is not the norm for that."  Xander shook his head quickly.  He saw one biting her lip and pointed at her.  "Last one."

"Do all really big authors know each other?"

Xander shrugged.  "No idea.  I'm not that high up yet.  Ask me in a few years."

"Yes, a bunch of us play poker," Richard said from the back with a grin for her.  "Depends on the author.  We meet at events like this but most of us don't do the penpal or email pal thing.  Some of us do play poker now and then."

"He'd know," Xander told her with a grin.  "That's Richard Castle."  She squealed.

"Ah, the sound of fangirls and fanboys everywhere," Richard teased with a smirk.  "That's when you know you've made it.  You hear that."  He walked out.

Dell smiled.  "I think that's a good note to end on.  Congratulations for getting this far and I hope you all success and good writing."

"And very few moments when you can't," Xander added, getting some smiles.  They filed out.  "Sorry," he told Dell quietly.  "I didn't mean to take over."

"Half of those kids want to be in your spot, Alexian.  It was good you gave them some reality.  Be less preachy and teacher-ish, but otherwise it was fine."  Xander beamed at him.  He spotted someone in the door.  "I believe that pretty thing is yours."

Xander looked.  "Friend, nothing more."  He shook his hand and then Chrstine's and Marjorie's.  "See you guys next year or at later panels."  He walked off, going down to stare at her.  "What's up?" he asked quietly.

"Checking on you.  Tara said you've been blocked."

"I know what's going to happen later but not the next ten words."

"I've seen you get there before and it suddenly break."  She patted him on the arm.  "Mom wants to see you."

"Monday?"

"That'd be fine."  She smiled.  "I know this stuff is important.  It's good one of us has a career."

He leaned down to get next to her ear.  "Buffy, you have a career you hate," he said quietly.  He looked at her.  "Do what Kendra did.  Travel to handle things."

"That might not be so bad," she decided.  She smiled.  "Thanks, Xander.  Any big shocks?"

"I'll have to meet with the agent shaped people."  He pointed.  "That's Paula.  She's helping Chuck pimp me to bigger sources on the other coast."

"Cool.  She's pretty."

"She's an agent so she's a tiger when she needs to be," he quipped.

"Eww, TMI, Xander."  She swatted him.  "I'll tell mom that."

" I might pop around just to hug her Sunday night.  I'm not sure how late this is going."

"Cool.  Thanks, Xander."  She walked off.

"She's cute," Richard said, looking over at him.

"Friends only.  I crushed majorly at one point in time.  She's one of the reasons why I have no idea about guy things but I can shop very well, match an outfit, talk about fashionably short versus trashy short, and PMS or boobs."

Paula gaped.  "Really?  Which one was that?"

"That was Buffy."

"I imagined her as a bit taller."  She shrugged, looking at him.  "You have news waiting in your inbox, young man."

"I haven't been able to get online for the last two days.  My internet is down at home.  What good news?  Sales figures?  Offers of nubile, young finger rubbers?"

"You only get those for the first three spots on the list, kid," Richard said with a smirk.  "For me, it is party time," he said, sliding into his sunglasses.

Xander pointed to the left.  "Two blocks that way is a low key club.  This side by a block is a martini bar."  He pointed right.  "Two buildings up that way is a decent enough dance floor or a better one at the end of the block.  Really kick ass floor and drinks with the starlings are up about eight blocks this week.  They're liking Lava."

He smirked.  "Thanks, kid.  See you tomorrow."

"I'll be at the farce event."  He smiled at Paula.  "If they have straightened out my bank's screw up, I would gladly take you to dinner, My Precious."

"You're calling me a ring?" she teased.

"Hell yes.  You inspire dangerous urges.  Many men have wanted to possess you but you're too smart to do more than make them your slaves.   You have power and the knowledge of how to use it.  You are quite the version of the One Ring."

She blushed, shaking her head.  "Flattery won't get you more sales."

He shrugged. "It's true even without sales."  He took her arm and walked her off.  "What can this humble man do for you today?"

She swatted him.  "Behave for a start.  Tara said you needed a new girlfriend."

He smirked.  "There's a few bad girls out there with my name tattooed on them.  They're waiting for me later."

She moaned, shaking her head.  "Beyond that, kiddo."  He smirked.  "Fine.  Sales are in."

"Good!  Or bad?"

"Good."

"Yay."  He jumped up and down.  "So they want more?"

"They want more after what they've got.  Any more in the paranormal ones?"

"Stuck and started.  Three with Donnie."

"I'll check with him then."  She pinched his cheek.  "If you weren't so young."

He kissed her on the cheek.  "I am legal to do anything I want, Paula.  So are you, barely."  He walked off.  "Other good news?"

"Not yet.  See me Sunday?" she called.

"Of course.  All you have to do is call."  She smirked at him so he winked.  "Farce and then leather.  That's a good night."  He got onto the elevator, going up to his room to deal with the dinner stuff.  Then he could go to the farce panel.  He hoped he wasn't on it this year for more than dwarf jokes.

Paula shivered, pressing her thighs together.  "That boy is evil and a tease," she complained.  "I'm not evil enough for him."  She went to cool down before her board later with the other agents.  A few gave her understanding looks but that was fine.  He had probably hit on them too.  She'd have to make sure he knew not to flirt with other agents.  They might try to steal him.

***

Richard looked up at the moan from the women around him.  He wasn't getting that much play tonight.  LA was always rough on him that way.  Too many big names.  He found the reason for the moan and stared.  Maybe he could use this in a story.  The boy was clearly in a league of his own if the aspiring 'actress' next to him was any indication.  He sipped his drink, seeing how the boy did it.  The 'actress' went out to get his attention.  A few others were trying the same thing but he was dancing with one woman only at the moment.   The seat next to him got taken by a leggy brunette and he glanced at her, giving her a smile.  She shook her head, tapping her pocket.  "Vice?" he guessed.

"How did you know?" she asked as quietly as she could.

"Richard Castle."  He held out a hand.  "Author."

"Oh, you're *him*," she said with a smile.  "Liked the last two."

"Thanks.  Why are you here?  I can clear out if this is going to become a bust."

"No, we're tracking that one," she said with a point at the boy on the floor.

"Is he in trouble?"  He sipped his beer.  Maybe he was wrong about the boy?

"No."  He grinned at that.  "You know him?"

"We share an agent.  So why is he so interesting?"

"His last six girlfriends have been deadly to someone.  We know they're drawn to him for some reason.  If we watch him, we'll know who to get next."

"I joked about his last four earlier," he said with a smile.  "I'm still wondering how he does it."

"I don't know," she sighed.  "It's animal magnetism and it's not.  It's smoother than that.  Like he's begging you to take him.  That hint of vulnerability with the strength to knock anyone down who tries him."

"He's a classic white knight," he assured her.  "I know someone who knows him better."

She looked at him.  "Why would they?  Has he been in trouble?"

"It seems a few years back someone around him was so they looked at him too."

"Oh.  Pity.  Was he in trouble?"

"No.  Had a very needy girlfriend from what I was told."

"Interesting.  I could handle that."  She moved out there, taking the present girl's place by bumping her out of the way.  "Mr. Harris," she purred with a smile.

"Detective Morris."  He pulled her closer to dance with her, making her happy and giggle a few times.  He nuzzled her neck, looking over her shoulder with a wink.  Two huffed off.  One looked very interested.  He let her go slightly so that one and another one came over to join them again.  Yup, his type of woman.  He sniffed one.  "Hmm, nice scent.  Smells like home," he said in her ear.  The other was definitely his sort too.  She was so evil.  And braless, which he liked a lot.  "I'm in a nearby hotel," he whispered in that one's ear.  She moaned, dancing back against him.  He winked at her.  "Let me take care of the fan?"  She nodded, dancing with the detective.  He led the first one off with a blown kiss and a wink.  She followed, taking his hand to hold.  Once they were out of view he stared at her.  "You guys never had my picture?" he guessed.

"No, we do, but now you're worth more status," she snarled, vamping out.  He staked her and walked back out there once he was dusted off.  He smiled at the detective as he slid up behind the other one.  "Ready?"

"That was fast," she purred.

"She only wanted a grope."  He slid his hand around her stomach, getting swatted for it.  "But that's the tip of the iceberg."

"Bragging is bad for me," she quipped.  He ground against her backside and she moaned, nodding.  "Two minutes?"

"That's fine.  You two are beautiful together."  He glanced around, spotting Buffy, who rolled her eyes and went back to her drink.  "Hmm, you just see all sorts of old friends today."  He walked them off, stopping to get his new friend a drink.  Which she shared with the detective.  He winked at her and left with her.

"*That* was a smooth way to get fingerprints.  I'll have to use that someday," Richard said, sipping his beer.

The detective put it into her purse.  "I'm sure you will."  She smiled.  "Thanks.  So, you know Xander very well?"

"Not in person.  We've talked a few times, share an agent.  I definitely do not draw the bad girls he does.  I prefer smart, sexy, and capable."

She tapped his chin with a fingernail.  "I'm on duty.  If I see you when I'm not, we'll see who gets to be the cop and who gets to be the perp."  She strolled off with her purse.

Richard watched her walk.  "That may be fun.  Maybe I need leather pants to draw like the kid?"  He shook that thought away.  It wasn't good for men his age.  That was for young things, like the kid.  He got back to the hotel in time to see the officers go rushing in and up to the tenth floor.  He was on the other end of the floor thankfully.

"Can't I just get off first?" Xander was complaining.  "Just five more minutes?"

"Save me," she moaned.  "I'm sore.   He's an animal in bed."  She let them lead her off, barely able to walk.

Xander pouted at the nice detective.  "You couldn't give me five more minutes?"

"How many people have died from you?" she asked.

"None.  My last true girlfriend was a go all night bunny.  Literally."

She nodded.  "Hard?"

"Not her.  Often was more her motto.  Especially in public."  He shrugged.  "I guess I'm flying solo tonight.  What did this one do?"

"People trafficking," her partner said with a smirk.

"Better than homicide I guess."  He went into his room and slammed the door.

The detectives shook their heads and walked off.  The brunette ran into Paula in the lobby.  "Hi.  You're obviously lurking."

"I'm hoping you didn't arrest one of my writers."

"No, we arrested the skanky ho one of your writers picked up if you're representing Mr. Harris," the male said.

She nodded.  "I am.  Skanky ho?"

"Moment of fun from the club but she was trafficking in people."

"Interesting."

"Since we've arrested his last six, we watch him to see who he's dating this time.  They're always dangerous."

"Well, there was that one geek," she reminded him.

"Yeah, him, but he was dangerous at home.  Part of some evil geek trio thing."  He shrugged.  "He's pouting if you wanted to talk to him.  Especially since she was limp and tired and he wasn't done yet."  He walked off with his partner.  "Who were you talking to in the club?"

"The author Richard Castle.  He was watching the same guy.  Said they shared an agent."

"Huh.  He writes cops pretty well."  They left, going back to fill out forms for the system.  It was the bane of their job but it had to be done or she'd come back and try to hook up with the guy again.  Just like the others who had made bail had.

Paula went up to Xander's room, hesitating to listen then knocking.  "Are you all right?"

"Of course I am.  I'm used to dating deadly women, Paula."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "I'm about to play solitaire if you wanted to come in."  She blushed.  "Not that sort.  I adore you and worship at your pointy-toed shoes, but are you really dangerous enough for me?"

"I hope not."  She patted him on the bare chest.  "You try to rest.  Remember, the convention goes on tomorrow too."

"When I was with Anya, I worked, patroled on the safety patrol, came home to her and her needs, slept two hours, then went to work construction again.  This sleeping thing is getting out of hand.  But the muses did force three of those ten words out."

"Congratulations."  She smiled.  "You try again later.  Maybe it'll be better."  He gave her a sheepish look.  "They said she was...limp?" she asked hesitantly.  "Do I want to ask?"

"Oral sex.  I love me some oral sex giving."  He grinned.  She shivered and nodded, patting him again before leaving.  "Night, Paula."  He went back inside to stare at his solitaire game until the next word finally popped out.  Clearly sex was helping it so maybe he'd watch some porn.  He turned on a movie and laid back to watch it from the tiny screen on his laptop.  He wasn't going to spend extra for it on the tv when he had favorites with him.

Richard opened the door, staring at her.  "Long night?"

"She was *limp* but it's helping his writer's block."

"He's not my type," he assured her, letting her in.  He closed the door and looked at her.

"I'm hoping I'm not his."

"You're not that dangerous.  You've never killed anyone on purpose.  Maybe suicide by dropping them but not homicide."

"Thank god."  She sat down.  "We have got to get that boy more manly time.  He's surrounded by girls and that's his only masculine output.  Maybe if we do he'll date someone nice."

He shrugged.  "That's not my area of expertise either.  I'll ask around."  Someone knocked and he opened it, taking the purse.  "Thanks, kid.  You okay?"

He shrugged.  "Sixth one this year.  It happens.  That's why I'm looking forward to groupies."

"I'm sure plenty of us would give you all our psychotic ones."

"I might like that."  He grinned.  "Give her that?"

"I can do that.  Night."

"For now."  He walked off, humming.

Richard tossed her the purse as he closed the door.  "You're right, he needs more guy friends."

She nodded.  "Desperately.  Tara's sweet but a shy lesbian sort."

"Near sister, right?"  She nodded.  "I have no idea who lives out here at the moment.  I'm sure he'll pick up more guy friends."

"I'm more worried that all he knows about guy friends are things like gay bathhouses."

He shrugged.  "He's twenty-one.  We were all wilder then."

"True."  She sighed and stood up.  "I don't know what to do to help him so one of them doesn't kill him some day."

"He can probably defeat her."

"If you're sure."  He nodded.  "Fine, I'll push him to find more male friends that aren't gay and wanting him."  She patted him on the cheek.  "You could use some definition."

"I'm just fine, thank you," he said with an evil look.  She raised a hand and left.  He looked at himself in the mirror.  "I can't compete with a twenty-one-year-old boy," he complained, walking back to his working area.  He'd hit the gym in the morning.  He was single, again, and could use a nice woman.  Nicer than the last one anyway.

***

Xander bounced down the next morning, finding people waiting on him.  "Willow.  Buffy.  Gunn.  Problems?"

"Last night?" Gunn asked.  "Was it?"

"No.  The detective was tracking her."

"You," he corrected.

Xander shrugged.  "At least it's helping and it was good."  He grinned.  "Breakfast?  Did they fix it?"

"They fixed it," Willow told him.  "Tara said to tell you that and you've got mail at home from Chuck's boss."  She handed it over.  He opened it and scowled, looking around.  The bar, the restaurant.  He walked in there.  "Xander!" she called.

"Five please!" he called back.  He walked in and found Richard with coffee.  "Where's Paula?"

"Hiding in case you flirt," he said bluntly.  He read the letter that was held up.  "Why?"

"I don't know.  I was going to talk to her to see if she knew."

"Um..."  He considered it.  "It's before nine.  She's in her room up on six."  Xander grinned and headed off.  "That's strange.  He's selling and they're dropping him?"  He shook his head.  It made no sense to him.

Xander walked past his friends.  "Problems.  Five more."  He got into the elevator and went up, getting off and following someone.  "Paula said something about 615," he muttered.

"The blonde agent?" the woman in front of him asked.  He nodded.  She pointed.  "Grumbling."  He beamed and knocked.  "Yours?"

"Maybe.  She's kinda sharing me."  He walked in when she opened the door, handing her the letter.

"Early, Xander."  She read it.  "What the hell!"  She stared at him.  He shrugged.  "I have no clue.  Have you tried calling?"

"I thought you might know.  Chuck won't answer the phone this early."

She sighed.  "If he does, I'll take you, evil women and all."  He squealed and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  "Good boy.  What are you doing today so I can find you?"

"My friends are here.  I was going to get nagged about last night."

"Go.  Make it to the panels."  He nodded, leaving her alone.  She looked at herself.  "He didn't say anything about the ugly nightgown.  Huh."  She went into the bathroom to rinse her face cream off.  Then she called.  "Chuck, Paula.  Xander got a letter from your boss?"  She smiled, walking back out to turn on her in-room coffee maker.  "He said you wouldn't wake up this early.  He wanted to know if I had heard anything until you woke up."  She sat down to sip, listening to the story.  "Oh, dear.  I didn't know your boss was that uptight.  I'll be telling mine that."  He said something else.  "Thank you, Chuck.  I will baby the boy all he needs.  Of course, dear.  Thank you."  She hung up.  It was time to be impressive.

***

Xander appeared back in the lobby.  "Sorry, agent problems," he said with a sigh at the end.  "I have no idea what's going on.  Were you guys worried that I dated another bad girl?"

"No, we knew you boinked another bad girl," Willow said.

He stared at her.  "So?  It happens to everyone sometime."

"I've never dated a girl that bad.  Wicked maybe but not that bad," Gunn complained.

Xander shrugged. "She came onto me, guys.  With the detective standing there.  And a vamp that I got."  They all groaned.  "Any other worries?  It's breakfast.  I'm nearly starving because I missed dinner."

"Writing?" Willow snorted.

"No, actually, I was running a bit late for the farce panel after my shower.   They liked Tral and the dwarf jokes, agreed it fit well with the book."  He stared at Buffy.  "What's up beyond that?"

"Nothing much.  We haven't seen you in weeks."

He shook his head.  "I was there for dinner not three days ago."

"She was gone," Gunn said.  Xander nodded he remembered.  "I don't know, I'm just the driver."

Xander looked over his outfit then at his face.  "You'll look good in my old shirts."

"I'd cap myself."

Xander shrugged.  "Your thing."  He smirked.  Then at the girls.  "I was coming over after I was done or tomorrow before going to see Joyce.  Like I told you last night, Buffy."

"I was here?"

Gunn glared at Willow.  "Not me!" she complained.  "He hates it."

Xander looked at Buffy.  "Head injury?"

"Not that I remember."

Gunn shook his head.  "Not that I remember either.  We'll figure it out.  Tonight?"

"Tonight or early tomorrow so Angel can grump about something."

"That's cool.  See you then.  Let me get her home so we can figure out her memory thing."  He walked the girls off.

"Later," Xander called, waving.  He looked behind him as the door opened.  "Anything?" he asked her.

"Many things.  His boss is a bit...traditional.  He thinks that you get bad press by dating."

"Bad girls or because now and then I dabble?"

"Both."

"Chuck?"

"I did manage to get him up."  He patted himself down and took her phone when she held it out.  "Chuck?"  He listened.  "I don't know, man.  If you move I'll still like you as my guy."  He smiled.  "Okay.  If you do change agencies, let me know.  Sure, I can hang onto Paula if she'll let me.  Thanks.  No, they brought me the letter from home.  Tara's with her girlfriend today.  Yeah, of course.  Call me if you need me for stuff.  Yeah, that stuff too.  Sorry, man, but if you move okay."  He grinned at what he said.  "I'm good.  You do what's best and I'm here.  Let me know."  He hung up and handed it back.  "Can I beg?"

"You'd be adorable doing it but it's already a done deal.  I'll have new contracts for you next week."  Xander grinned and hugged her.  "Let go.  Go do boy things."

"Eating.  I missed dinner for the farce board.  They laughed at the dwarf jokes."  He jogged off, going to get food to go.

"Way too active," she decided, going to the restaurant.  She sat down at Richard's table.  "His other agent's boss dropped him for being too open to dating."

"Really?" he asked dryly.

"Yes."  She called the bigger boss.  "Sir, it's Paula.  I have some troubling news.  You know that I've been working with an agent in our west coast probable partner?"  He told her what he knew.  "The young author in question got a letter saying he was dropping because of his dating."  Her boss asked a pointed question.  "It's possible it was the former but definitely the later," she admitted.  "I've already agreed to keep him.  Definitely.  He's a good account, he's a rising star.  Exactly.  He even flirts."  She smiled.  "Yes, it's fine.  He's already talked to him.  He said if the other agent switches that would be fine with him.  For now, he's just mine.  I'll need a new contract sent out if possible.  Ten.  Yes, standard.  With penname clause.  Please.  Send it via email and I'll fix that part myself.  Thank you, sir.  Yes, I thought you'd want to know that they're proving they have morals at the expense of their business.  You have a good day as well, sir."  She hung up.  "He's not happy."

"I wouldn't be happy.  The kid know it's that reason?"

"Chuck told him it was both.  It's possible that it just tipped it," she said quietly, looking around.

"He bounced out a few minutes ago."  He sipped his coffee.  "So he's yours?"

"Fully mine unless Chuck switches."

"I can share with the new young thing."  He smiled.  "Not like he'll hit bestseller most of the time."

"That paranormal series is hot right now.  Very hot.  It's moved up two spots in a week."

He nodded.  "That's wonderful for him.  I'm glad."

"I'm glad you're not jealous," she quipped.  The waiter came over.  "Coffee, black, equal packets.  Then I'll eat when I'm fully awake."  He nodded, getting her a pot. "Smart man," she praised.  "Eggs?"

"How, miss, and how many?"

She smiled.  "Flatterer."  He smiled a bit.  "Two, poached, toast.  One slice of bacon.  Fruit?"

"There's a nice fruit cocktail with melons and oranges or there's individual fruits like grapefruits and oranges."  He checked the menu in his hand.  "Or we do have a berry torte that could double as a sinful pastry for breakfast."

"Sin sells.  Give me that and the rest."  He nodded and left.  "He's working very hard for his tip," she said, watching him walk.  "Tight."

He shook his head.  "Flirt with the boy, teach him what good girls are for."  He dug into his breakfast again.

"He does flirt very well but you told him not to date his agent."

"It's usually sound business sense."  She stared at him.  He smiled.  "No comment."  He stuffed his mouth.

She snorted, taking her torte plate. "You should treat me better, like this young thing does," she said.  The waiter smiled as he walked off.

***

Xander walked into the Hyperion, looking at everyone, including Joyce.  "I was going to come over specially."  He gave her a hug.  She squeezed.  He smiled at Tara.  "News."

"The letter?" she guessed.

He nodded.  "Chuck's boss fired me because I dabble."

"The bastard!" Willow shouted.

"Thankfully we have Paula?" Tara guessed.

"For ten percent so I make another five," he offered with a smile.

She relaxed and smiled, nodding some.  "Good.  Other news?"

"They're debating asking me to be closer.  Donnie's moving to New York since his company got eaten too."

"Oooh," she said with a sigh, sitting down.  She hugged Joyce too.  "That's not good news."

"No, it's not," Xander said.  "But I don't know.  Chuck might come back if he finds a new agency.  His boss fired three other writers too.  Two successful and one that was going to sign this week.  He's breaking it to sign them anyway."  Tara gave him a pat.  "I don't know.  You have a girlfriend here.  We're needed here."

"We can work without you and her," Angel said.  "Call you back for emergencies."

Xander nodded.  "That's one worry."  He looked at Tara.  "Girlfriend?"

"Mean," she sighed.  Joyce gave her a squeeze.  "She wanted me to be more assertive, more like her.  We broke up last week."  Xander stared at her.  "I didn't want you to complain to her."

"Fine.  Okay, so anyone against it?"

"I think it'd be bad, having you so far away," Willow complained.  Tara glared at her.  "How would we look out for him the next time he dates someone evil?"

"We can tell the cops there to watch him," Buffy told her, making her mother laugh.  "We can.  They do now."

"They do.  Detective Morris is very nice."

"Yes she is," Tara agreed.  "Thank you for not bringing this one home."

"I was *so* kicking it on the floor with the pants you helped me buy and a tight t-shirt."

She moaned.  "That's bad."

"I got the vamp too.  Made the nice, pretty detective blush."

She shook her head, hugging Joyce again.  "I know, it's insane of him," Joyce soothed.  "Is there less activity there that he'd have to worry about?" Joyce asked.

Angel shook his head.  "About as bad."

"He won't have backup," Willow pointed out.

"I'll have more *guys* around," Xander told her.  "Because Paula was worried that I had no guys to hang with here.  She was worried I was going to break out a facial kit and help hers."

Buffy snickered.  "I taught you well."

Tara looked at Xander.  "Can we sell the condo?"

"Probably.  Are we certain?  You have a semester left."

"You can move then."

He nodded.   "Of course I can."  She smiled.  "It'll take a bit to find a place out there too."

"Good."  She smiled.  "Are you ....."

He snorted.  "Of course I'm coming to your graduation!"  He gave her head a shove.  She beamed.  "Even if there's an apocalypse during it we'll be there."

She blushed and ducked her head, shaking it slightly.  "No videos?" she asked.

"Fat chance," he said dryly.  "I'm going to be hiring a film crew....."  She swatted him.  "Meany!"

"God, they are like siblings," Gunn said.

Xander's phone rang.  "It's me."  He listened.  "We're talking about that now, Donnie.   Yeah, I got a letter Saturday while I was at the convention."  He nodded.  "Tara's doing her last semester here."  He smiled.  "He said congrats."  He listened.  "That's what we were thinking and coming back for emergencies.  Exactly."  He listened to him complain how that was going to keep him from living some day.  "Donnie, we've had this talk.  Not like the army still is."  He rolled his eyes, walking off.  "Sure, when we have the condo sold we'll ask you about good areas."  He walked back.

"Sure, let us know some decent areas or a decent realtor.  Thanks, Donnie.  We'll see you in a bit.  No, I'll email," he said dryly.  "That way I don't dump multiple dozens of things on you."  He rolled his eyes.  "Good.  See you then."  He hung up.  His phone beeped that he had missed a call. "I hate call waiting.  The beep is never loud enough."  He got into his voicemail, grabbing Tara to listen with him.  He replayed it for the group, making them all squeal.  "So maybe we can live in Manhattan on the cheaper edges."  She hugged him.  He grinned at her then at Joyce.  "You're going to help us, right?  Because we're pathetic with the moving."

"We did prove that with the move here," Tara agreed.

"Hire someone unless you want to drive across country," Joyce said simply.  "You won't need the car in Manhattan.  There's no parking and traffic is horrible.  You'll need to find a parking garage if your place doesn't have dedicated parking.  So no car if you can.  You'll have taxies and busses and subways."  Tara shuddered.  "Taxies."

"Maybe.  Car?" she asked Xander.

"We'll see if we can.  And if we can find somewhere that has at least a few blades of grass under glass.  Or we'll live in a forest inside the house."

She smiled.  "I'll keep it down so we don't have squirrels."

"Good because city squirrels are mean."

Buffy nodded.  "One tried to chase me for my nuts the other day."

Joyce snickered.  "You were cute running away from the big, bad squirrel."

"It was meaner than Spike."

"I'm sure it was," Willow said.

Gunn looked at Joyce.  "Video?"

"Camera phone," she admitted.

"MOM!"

"I couldn't resist, Buffy.  You know that."

"Fine.  Just don't share it."  She sat down with a huff.

Xander looked at her.  "I'll bribe you with Gucci as long as the bank got fixed."

"It did," Willow complained.  "I told you that."

Tara shrugged.  "The balance was right when I called it a while ago."

"Good!"  He smiled at her.  "We'll see.  I'm doing good.  With the money from the condo we might be able to get something tiny."

"Tiny?"

"'Spensivist city," he told her bluntly.

"Damn," Tara muttered then grimaced and wiped her mouth off.  "The last girlfriend was a bad influence."

Xander nodded.  "Kinda.  She kept trying to make you eat sushi."

She smirked.  "Naughty."

"Me or her?"

"You.  Was she good?"

"They didn't let me finish.  She walked out whining that she was tired.  She was pretty but weak in follow-through."  He shook his head.  "Pitiful.  Really."

"New York has plenty of scary socialites," Buffy told him.

"I will be a lowly writer for many years yet.  Then I may bag a socialite.  Lots of work though.  I'm not sure the muses would like that."  Joyce swatted him.  "They might not!"

"Don't worry, you're too unfashionable for them," Buffy assured him.

"You did try," Joyce reminded her.

She nodded.  "Often.  Didn't work all that well," she said, looking at Xander's present outfit.  Tara swatted her.  "Fine!"

Xander sighed.  "Okay.  We'll go somewhere slightly south of fashionable but above roaches, rats, and those neat things."

"We'll deal," she reminded him.  "Even if you do have to live in New Jersey."

"Then he'll get a mafia princess," Gunn said.  "Or don't you remember Andrea?"

"Oooh, yeah her," Tara sighed.  "I didn't like her."

"She was cute, fashionable, and cooked," Xander offered.

"She wanted you to snort coke," she said impatiently.

"I know.  I resisted."

"Because you'd be totally bouncy and never calm down."

He nodded.  "Didn't do much for me when I tried it before."  Joyce gave him a horrified look.  He stared back.  "Yes, I do have my wild side, thank you."  He gave her another hug.  "So should I come over later tomorrow night?"

"If you want.  You know that.  You can come for dinner too."

"I'm not that hungry right now for some reason and I don't know why."

Tara swatted at him.  "Because you didn't eat all weekend."

"I did so.  I had popcorn during the farce panel.  I had breakfast the next morning.  I nibbled on nuts and trail mix through the panels.  Got a few dirty looks too."

She shook her head.  "We'll have dinner later."  He beamed.  "Then you can get lost in the muses for a few more days."

"Cool!  I broke the writing block for all but one word!"  She nodded, smiling back.  "Or you can stay over tonight while I go make myself dinner and write in my room?" he guessed.

"Then you'd burn down the house and never eat."

"Microwave," he said.

"Uh-huh.  Not good for you."

"You stay."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "I'll see you when you're happier with everyone."  He bounced off.  "Later all."  He headed for home.

Tara sighed, sitting down on the couch.  Joyce gave her a hug.  "He's being thoughtful," Joyce pointed out.

"He understands girl moods too well."

"Yeah, that's Willow's fault," Buffy said.  She got up.  "Let me go make you a sandwich, Tara."

"Thank you."  She looked up.  "What am I going to do with him?"

"Find him a nice girl who likes dirty things so he can play."  She walked off.

"Do they make them that way?" she asked Joyce.

"They're rare but maybe.  New York would be a good place to find one."

Tara nodded.  "Maybe it'll be good for us."

"Hopefully.  We'll see you every few months anyway," Joyce pointed out.

Tara nodded.  "Yeah.  LA's like that."

***

Xander looked at the realtor.  "To be honest, I've got to move at the end of the semester.  My agent wants me to go to New York."

"Acting?"

"Writing actually."  He grinned.  "But we have to wait until the end of the semester because Tara's finishing this semester."

"Girlfriend?"

"Almost sister."

"Okay.  So you're selling a condo here and moving to one there?"

He nodded.  "Slightly above scummy but I'm not rich enough yet for fashionable."

"That's understandable.  By what you brought me," she said, looking over the forms.  "You bought a year ago for just over six hundred thousand."  She smiled at him.  "The condo fees are very reasonable."  He nodded.  "I see pictures?"  She looked them over.  "You have grass.  That's a very good selling point.  They were stupid to sell that low."

"They wanted to leave ahead of the cops," he admitted.  "A week after we moved in, cops came in with a search warrant for anything they left."

"That explains a lot."  She looked over them.  "Two bedroom, two bath, but nothing too fancy.  Open kitchen.  Nicely furnished.  Tara's doing?"   He nodded at that, grinning some.  "Nice living area.  No dining area?"

"Where my desk is.  It's a nice place for a small table and chair set.  That's why I put it there since I usually eat there or on the couch.  She eats wherever.  We're in our young twenties.  We're not doing dining rooms."

"I can understand that."  She kept looking.  "If it's all right, I can list it in about two months?  That will give you almost three before you have to move."  He nodded.  "I can refer you to a nice realtor out there if it'll help."

"I have my editor already out there and he's referred me to his.  He found a great spot in Manhattan that only needed a bit of fixing up."

"Excellent of him."  She looked.  "All right, with the way prices are inflating right now, we can get you a pretty bit of money for it."

"Enough for somewhere fashionable with grass?"

"Grass in Manhattan is called a park."

"That's cool.  Tara's Wicca."

"I'd try for trees.  You won't have enough for directly on the park."

He nodded.  "Okay.  What about a smaller park?"

"Parks are expensive.  Even outside the city."

"Damn.  She'd like that."

"I'm sure she would."  She started the paperwork.  "I can get you at least eight-fifty."

"That's a damn big return."

"You don't have to run from the cops."

"Maybe a few ex girlfriends who are wanted by the cops, but no."

"Even better.  They can't confiscate it."

He grinned.  "So, about two months we have to really clean, start packing and putting into storage."

"It'd be a good idea.  It's easier to sell when it's not cluttered."

"I'll try to be writing in a corner that day."

She smiled.  "That's fine.  We'll make you write outside that day."  He shrugged.  "So, we want to sell it fast but close after..."  He handed over their tentative schedule.  "Are you looking out there?"

"Yes.  We have had *no* luck."

"That doesn't surprise me.  Especially in Manhattan."  She tapped into her computer.  "How good are you at fixing things?"

"Crew lead on a construction site for nine months?"

"Then I have something."  She turned her screen around.  "Needs some severe work.  Well within your price range, is on the more respectable side but the building is in *very* bad shape.  It is exactly what you want, without grass.  Views of grass though."

He considered it.  "That's going to take a hell of a lot of work."

"How long?"

"Months of work."  He considered it.  "That's a practical give away."

"Yes it is."

"And I have that in savings."  She beamed.  "But not much more."

"We can file for a mortgage."

"I write sci-fi and fantasy.  I get monthly sales checks but ...."

"It's not a steady income so they'd probably turn you down," she said.  "Can you sell that condo sooner?"

"Only if Tara can finish school this semester."

"Can you guys stay at a hotel?"

"No.  Not and have money left."  He considered it, checking his watch then calling her.  "You done?"  She hung up.  He waited five minutes while she giggled and called again.  "You done now?"  She excused herself and walked outside.  "They have a perfect place in New York.  Needs craploads of work.  Within view of grass, airy, light, building's ancient and in disrepair.  I can fix it but it's only the amount that I have in the accounts.  So we might have to sell sooner?"  She said something.

"Because it'll take me *months* to fix it pretty for us."  He winced at her current complaint.  "Which is why I called?"  He winced again, worse this time.  He hummed.  "It's under three hundred thousand, on the edge of a fashionable area, three blocks to a park, the building's *ancient* so it's cheap.  I can clean it fully.  We can make it stunning.  The building is crap.  Well, that's an idea," he admitted.  "Later on.  When I have more money.  Or we make millions."  He sighed, nodding when she pulled something up.

"That's very nice.  This would be much cheaper and no fees.  No, directly to the utilities."  He nodded.  "Exactly.  No, it's perfect, well within our price range, fixing it will be well under what we're making off the current condo.  I know it's mine, but that means you'd have to live with Joyce for three months.  Because it'll take me about two months to fix it up?"  He nodded.  "Exactly.  Yeah, I can.  Yes I can.  Of course I can.  Not like I forgot everything from working construction."

"It's got one other bid," she said.  "But I'm going to say they lowballed it."

He sighed.  "Do you want to buy it now, live on the next royalty check, and then fix it up?  Or would you rather live with Joyce?"  He listened.  "I get that.  "I can, yeah.  Okay.  Thanks, Tara."  He hung up.  "What's the chance of a short term mortgage?  Even at outrageous rates?"

"If you're willing to pay outrageous rates?  I can find you one through one of the less picky companies.  Why?"

"Buy it, get me an extra hundred fifty?"  She nodded slowly.  "That'll pay for a contractor.  I can pay it off once I sell the condo.  You are sure it'll sell?"

"Positive.  I can price it 850 and sell it within a month."

"Good.  Can we do that today and list it in about three months?"

"I can do that."  She started the paperwork.  "I do hope it works out for you."

"It is so far."  He grinned.  "I've got one climbing slightly on the best seller list.  It's at about number 95.  Which is great for a first novel and sci fi."

"Congratulations."

He beamed.  "Thank you."

"I have you listed as wanting a quick sale starting in three months on the first."

"She graduates on the sixteenth."

"It'll take a few weeks, even if they sign a contracted offer that same day.  Close whenever you're ready.  Say a month."  He nodded, accepting that.  "When you close, you get the money."

"That'll be nice.  Wow, I'll have a lot of savings."  His phone rang.  "'Scuse me.  Donnie, my man!"  He listened.  "I'm talking to the realtor who's selling mine here who has found me a crappy building with a two bedroom, two bath condo without fees.  Lower Lexington."  He looked.  "Yeah, about there."  He nodded.  "My editor," he told her.  "I am."  He wrote down an address.  She looked it up.  He stared.  "That's huge."

"For just a bit more money but it's farther out.  You'd be in Harlem."

"Will I like Harlem, Donnie?"  He listened.  "That's very nice.  I don't know.  Still less than I'll get for the one out here.  Is that a blinking light?"

She looked.   Then she nodded.  "It's a seizure, won't be up for sale for a few weeks."

"Drug or otherwise?"

She shrugged.  "Doesn't say."

"Donnie, what's the chance that the prior owners' friends will show up?"  He listened.  Then he read off the address of the other one.  Donnie said it was nice, there were some artists, but the building was falling in.  "I saw that.  They have external pictures.  I can fix the inside up.  A lot."  He wiggled his head side to side.  "So which is better?"  He nodded.  "That one," he said with a point.  She went back to filling out the paperwork.  "Unless you can find me a three bedroom?"

She looked.  "Same building, two floors up, looks less steady.  Farther from grass.  Four bedrooms.  Double the price?"  He shook his head.  "There's one on the same floor on the other side of the building.  Which means you'd have a small balcony.  The size of a grill maybe.  But there is a bigger bathroom, a bit bigger living room area.  Same price."

"Deal."  She smiled and added it.  "Yup, across the hall.  Floors?"

"It's standard to have a pre-buying inspection."

"Good.  Thank you."  He listened.  "I am, just not today.  Because my wrist hurts.  No, no bar brawls or anything.  Arm wrestling with a drunk Buffy.  Sure, I did break it.  It took two bad girls.  I promise.  It's in your inbox that's why."  He laughed.  "You're welcome."  He hung up.  "He said we're on the edge of a yuppie and slightly fashionable area."

"About two blocks if I remember right.  There's every chance the rest of the building will be fixed up, which will raise your property values almost instantly."

"That'd be nice."  He leaned forward to sign where she wanted.  "That's a high rate."

"It is," she agreed.  "You start repayment in two months."  He beamed.  "That will mean one payment before you sell."

"Which I can probably do."  He finished signing.  "How soon will I know?"

"She submitted the forms and called.  "It's Suzanne Tolmere, with Prudential.  I have a client here in my office that sent you an offer on that two bedroom with the balcony unit.  I emailed it to you, sir."  She waited while he pulled it up.  "Soon.  Pending an inspection of course.  He's moving to New York from LA.  He'll be having a contractor in for a few weeks to fix things that need it."  She leaned back, nodding at what he was saying.  "That is our offer."  She smiled at him and nodded.  "No, he's an author.  A quiet sort.  Has a sister he lives with who's finishing college in a few months.  They want to buy it now, get it fixed up, then move in once she graduates.  No, I'm sure it'll be tasteful.  She's a new age sort.  He's a bit down to earth but he writes fantasy novels."  She nodded.  "He's worried how you'll decorate."

"Tara likes traditional.  I don't want totally modern."

"Tasteful," she said.  "Closer to traditional.  It does have furnace heat."  Xander nodded.  "He's certain.  I have him pre-approved."  She looked to make sure.  "He has a book in the nineties on the best seller list.   Harris, yes."  She smiled.  "He liked the paranormal book."

"I've got four others with my editor and two with my publisher."

She repeated that.  "He's thrilled.  Yes, full asking price today.  Pending an inspection.  He's going to be doing some work on it to make it liveable for them.  No, sister.  Is graduating in a few months.  Exactly."  She put the phone against her shoulder.  "He's on his cellphone with them."  She put it against her ear.  "Wonderful news."  She smiled.  "Inspection can be arranged this week.  Once we get the report, we can close within days.  That would be acceptable by his time line.  Thank you."  She sent him something else.  "There you go.  Notify us of the inspector's name and particulars so we can pay him."

"Non affiliated with any construction company."

"Someone good," she ordered.  "He's a former construction worker himself."  She smiled.  "That was an original plan but he can't move for a few months and leave her here by herself."  He nodded at that.  "That would be wonderful.  Please do."

"Can they do the exterior of the building as well so we know the whole thing won't cave in?" Xander asked.

"Of course," she said, telling him that.  "That's reasonable to worry about he said."  Xander nodded.  "Please.  I am at this number.  Let us know about the inspector soon.  We'll be sending everything to you as soon as you do.  Thank you.  You have a wonderful day as well."  She hung up.  "There we go."  She smiled and made notes in her system. "And done."  She smiled.  "Congratulations."

"Thank you."  He shook her hand.  "I'll see you in about a week.  You have my number?"  She nodded.  "Good."  He got up and walked out, being very happy.  That would solve a lot of problems if the building wasn't going to fall in anytime soon.  Not that New York had earthquakes, hurricanes, or anything like the Santa Anna winds.

***

Xander walked into the bookstore the writing group met at, smiling and coffee in hand.  "Hey, guys, am I late?"  He sat down in a free spot.

"We were just talking about you," one said.  "Good job, kid."  Xander beamed.  "What's your next miracle?"

"I've been ordered to move to New York since my former agent's company hated my dating habits.  Thankfully he had asked another agent for help getting me to a few other names on that coast so I still have her.  She's out there and she's ordering me to move closer.  That and my editor moved out there because his company got bought and gobbled up."

"So you've got to move soon?" the old, grumpy guy who ran the group asked.

Xander nodded.  "We found a condo that's just off a yuppie fashionable area.  Two blocks don't make much of a difference.  The building's ancient and the condo needs tons of work.  So we'll be moving once Tara graduates."  He smiled at the manager, giving her a hug when she came over for it.  "I need the name of a good bookstore in New York where I can hang out and find good selections in."

"I know a few."  She pinched him on the cheek.  "Fifty is a great spot to be for your first one."

He beamed.  "Thank you.  I'm still so happy that it jumped that way last week."  She poked him on the shoulder then walked off.  "So, I'm in a happy mood.   Tara has a test tomorrow.  I'm ordered to be less than noisy if I come home tonight.  If not, I might go pick up someone in a bar.  What's the DT tonight?"

"How did the convention go?" one asked.

"It went really well.  I went to the newbie panel, because I learn a lot there.  I sat on the young writer's panel and got told I was a bit teacherish on a few subjects.  The farce panel was hilarious and they got Castle this year for goofing up his detective during a few scenes.  He almost turned into me."  They giggled at that.  "They liked the dwarf jokes in Tral.   Then I went and picked up a bad girl the nice Vice detectives arrested a few hours later.  The next day was kinda normal for a convention.  Wackiness, fun, and panels."

"That's good."  The older one smiled.  "I heard you brought up a question about us?"

"There's a lot of authors who don't know that there are writing groups like this one and who don't know that there's actual *guilds* or associations in our genres.  I wanted their take on joining the big fantasy writers one.  I did point out that sometimes you can be a bit grumpy about things when it was noted."

He nodded.  "I can be.  I've been doing this a long time."

"Which entitles you to be grumpy about things."  Xander shrugged.  "I figure newbie writers can use all the support we can get.  Advice, the 'yeah I get that too' when we get blocked, all that.  Plus the bigger groups have conventions."

"Interesting."

"Paula liked the idea too.  Donnie too.  Said I'd have great fun at the fantasy writers convention."

He shook his head.  "I don't see how you can write something so frivolous."

"It's an escape.  To take you away from all that you've turned into dreary mundania to quote one of my fellow authors.  To make you laugh and have fun."

"That I can see," another one said.  "I've often wanted to escape but not everyone can find that in a book."

"Fantasy's not for everyone anyway.  Some people do it by watching Law and Order or reading Castle's stuff.  I see enough of that stuff when I date so it's not really an escape."

"Good point," the grumpy one said.  "I can't read either one without sighing in displeasure at the frivolous nature of them."

Xander shrugged.  "To each their own, Paul."

"True," the other agreed.  "Did you ever meet him?"

"We share an agent.  He sits on the newbie panel too.  Popped in to end the young writer's one."  He grinned.  "He's not a bad guy.  Seems pretty interesting.  He caught me out trolling for my bad girl of the moment that night.  Not that many clubs around the hotel."

Paul shook his head.  "I can't see why you young men can't date."

"I did date.  Homicide *loves* it when I date.  They track whoever I'm dating to see what this one's done that's evil."  The others choked or laughed at that.  He shrugged.  "I draw bad girls.  It happens.  They're fun, and bad for my back and swearing habits, but it's cool with me most of the time."

"Tara must protest," Paul complained.

"Only when we keep her up.  She does have her own room.  We're not together."

"Fine."  He huffed.  "Perhaps a mail order bride?"

"He'd get an evil one of those," one of the others joked.

"I did date a nice Russian girl a few weeks back.  Then she tried to go hire an assassin for her father.  He's in some sort of shipping business she said."

They all stared at him.  "I should base a book off you," Paul complained.  "It'd be just as insane and make the top twenty."

"Most people do consider me a fantasy," Xander quipped with a grin, getting a swat from Paul.  "They do.  I even ran into my first groupie a few months back."

They mostly shook their heads.  Xander was insane.  He really was.  They got down to the more mundane discussion topics, interrupted a few times by people who wanted things signed.  Xander only got two, the rest got about five total.  It salved their egos since they had been doing it longer.

***

Xander walked into his contractor's office in New York.  "Hi.  Alexander Harris."

"I've been expecting you."

"Sorry, I had no idea traffic was that insane."  He shook his hand and sat down.

"It usually is," he admitted.   "We're used to it around here."  He smiled, pulling out the floorplans he had for the building.  "I understand this is going to be for you and a young woman?"

"My non-biological sister."

"Okay, so not sharing the bathroom."  He shook his head quickly.  "That's going to mean less work in the long run."  He let him see the inspection report.  "I heard you were in construction?"

"For almost two years.  Nine months as crew lead."  The man nodded at that.  "Are the floors structural with the building?"

"No, you have a few broken joists because they used cheap wood the last time it was updated, in the fifties.  Most of the others have been fixed."

"Okay."  He turned the page and handed it back.  "There's some things we'll definitely need.  Washer/dryer hook up.  Decent kitchen.  Decent tubs and showers.  Tara's a bather.  I tend to soak now and then myself."  He nodded, making notes on that.  "She and I talked.  I'm taking the upstairs bedroom.  She's taking the bottom one.  Can we expand her closet under the stairs?"

"We can part way.  Make the rest a storage area?"  Xander nodded that would be fine.  "Most people will want to update the kitchen?"

"We can both kinda cook.  We don't need gourmet things.  It's rare either of us is going to drink.  I do microwave and make snacks."

"Entertaining?" he asked as he noted that.  He looked up.  "A lot, a little?"

"Probably not real often.  We're kinda quiet most of the time.  A good tv area.  I have a beautiful flat screen at home.  I need a place for my desk.  One not real well lit by distractions, like the window or the tv.  She needs windows though.  She's very much a plant grower."

"We can add some of that to the balcony area.  A few boxes?"

"She's Wicca."

"Oh, so she's really a plant person."  He nodded.  "Hmm.  There's some nice ways to incorporate herb trays," he said, grabbing a magazine to find what he wanted.  "Here, that's it."  He let him see the idea.  It was basically support poles that had herb trays built around them in a climbing spiral or embedded into it that stepped out from the bottom up.  "You do have a few support poles we can use.  Including two around the kitchen."

"She might like those."  He looked at the floor plans.  "This one," he said with a point.  "The other won't get very much light unless we have some small ones embedded as well."

"That may be doable.  I can look over that company's options."  He made that note, with the page number of the magazine Xander handed back.  "How do you intend to decorate?  Couches and things?"

"We have a few.  I like water colors.  She doesn't mind them but again, plants.  We've both been up a lot at night for work reasons in the past.  She did ask for something orangish to be included.  Can we do that on the balcony?"

"I can easily have the planters be terracotta."

"That might be nice.  Good in the weather too."  That got a nod and a smile.  "Okay.  Inside, we have a couch, big chair, love seat, coffee table we could probably change out.  My desk and the coffee table are both darker wood.  I think she'd like something lighter but I'm not sure.  I never asked."

"Dining table?"

"There's probably not much use for one.  Maybe a small one that can expand.  We don't have one right now.  The island might have a breakfast bar though?"

"That's easily doable," he assured him, making that note.  "As I'm sure you saw."

"We were doing a school when the town got shut down.  A few buildings up at the college."

"So you were more commercial construction than residential?"

"We were.  The boss moved his company to a nearby town and they're doing whatever comes."

"That's good though.  It means that you're flexible about ideas and using technologies that aren't standard."

"I definitely want to replace the windows with things that are energy efficient.  Including the sliding door."

"Of course you will."  He made that note as well.  "Technically it's a large window like they have in the South."  That got a shrug.  "Did you want to change that?"

"Not really.  Windows are less of a break in risk that high up."  That got a nod.  "I will have an alarm system.  Tara is a bit worried about crime."

"That neighborhood isn't bad.  It's in renewal."  Xander nodded at that.  "Now, paint colors for the walls?"

"Lighter but not white.  She and I can go over that tonight."  He nodded at that, making that note.  "How's the insulation value?"

"Low but we're going to up that.  The bedrooms both have one wall with exposed brick.  Did you want to keep that?"

"I think I might," he admitted.  "I'll see if she wants to put something like a rose bush on it."

"That could ruin the bonds of the wall," he warned.

"I know.  I'd build her a small trellis."

"Then at least you're practical."

"For all that I write fantasy I am, yeah."  He smiled.  "I will tell you that I need a closet for storage of things.  A small safe for my laptop when I don't put it in my desk's safe.  I have a few swords I'll need to keep in there."

"So a display cabinet type of thing?"

"Not in the open since I'll be keeping my gun in it."

"That's a sound idea."  He made that note.  "You have this area.  It can abut into the stairway."

Xander pointed. "If we moved it this way?"

"It would take space out of her room, especially if you expanded the closet.  Now, we can do a small built-in cabinet."  He drew out the idea on a blank piece of paper.  "Basically a locking, closed door display cabinet.  That could be blended well with an entertainment system for that wall."  He drew that in.  "Which we can get stock from cabinet stores or you can from a home store."

Xander considered it.  "I can probably hang anything that won't fit on the walls. I  have a mace and things too."

"I'd expect fantasy authors to have things like that for research purposes.  It can be deeper if that would help.  It's make a nice entrance to your stairs."  Xander nodded at that and he drew out what he meant.  "That way if you wanted to put up a gate there, like if she has a child someday, it'll be easier."

"That'll work for me."  He smiled and made note of that and what they'd need.  "Make that one moveable?  That way if I want to I can move it next to the desk for a bit?"

"I can do that."  He made that note as well. "Kitchen, how technical do you want to make it?"

"Stove, fridge, microwave, counters, cabinets?"

He nodded, pulling out those design books.  "Anything in there that you like?"

He looked, finding one he liked.  "I don't need anything that huge.  I like the colors and counter tops.  I don't need granite.  I've never seen why granite became popular since it ruins knives and doesn't do great when you put hot pans on it."

"This one has marble or granite inserts for those who do pastry work," he said, pointing at it.  "That does come in that light maple color."

Xander looked.  "Maybe on the island?  That and a cutting board?"

"That's easy enough to do."  He made those notes and notes on the color and styles.  "Any idea about the walls and back splash?"

"I like tile ones.  She hates them.  She grew up in the south kinda."

"You can have a marble back splash or a simple painted one."

"I like the look of mosaics but I'm not sure she would.  Tile on the floors though.  Something non-slippery if we spill something?"  He nodded, pulling that box out for him to feel and look at.  He patted one.  "This is nice.  And I like this color."

"It's a bit dark.  Nothing falling would be seen."

Xander considered the other colors.  "It comes in a pretty light tan.  She looks good in that color."  He let him see it.  "That one."

"That won't show tracking either."  He wrote down that number.  "Just there?"

"There, will it stay warm?"

"It is rated for bathroom work as well, yes."

"That's a nice shade and buying it all together would be cheaper?"

"It's about the same.  Unless we're doing the entire condo in it we probably won't be getting enough to get a discount for bulk."

"Hmm.  Then make her bathroom a sunnier place?  Like a pond in summer."  He made note of that.  "Mine's good with a good tub and being calming.  He looked at the colors, pointing at one.  "That one for mine.  I'll pick out a paint and/or wallpaper later."

"That's fine.  It's a nice, semi-neutral choice.  I would've gone with the lighter version."  He flipped pages, showing him that one.  "It's very water oriented.  We could make it almost Roman with some marble accents."

Xander considered it, taking the magazine he had for that design style.  He found one.  Then looked at the others.  "I like this tub," he said.  "Deep enough to soak in.  Jets aren't necessary but hey, if you find it."  The guy nodded.  He looked back.  "I like the wood and marble in this one," he admitted.  "It looks simple but it's not."

He looked.  "That's a bit more traditional than that tile would suggest."  Xander spotted another blue one with a subtle pattern, going to it.  "That's very expensive."  Xander went back, finding one pattern he liked and looking for the lighter blues.  He found one he could stand.  He hated the tile's slickness though.  He kept going, finding one.  "That's a good choice," he said when it was presented to him.  "That blue with the marbling?"

"Or the gray with the veins."  He pointed.  "Or the lighter version."  He nodded, finding that in a magazine.  "Definitely lighter," he agreed.  "But this tub and that vanity.  Then this and the plants in this one?" he suggested, handing those pictures over.

"That may go very well."  He wrote those down.  "Have you been in there?"

"I have and I know my bathroom's not huge."  He looked at the plans.  "Take this ten feet here for a linen closet for me.  Put a corner shower here.  Give me enough arm room, that's all I ask.  Maybe big enough for two, maybe not.  Tub here.  Which would mean moving the vanity to this area and the toilet here.  Which I don't like."  He considered it.  "Can we extend the platform the bedroom and bathroom sit on out some?"

"Yes we can.  It'd move to shade the top of the stairs."  He sketched that out.  "Then we can put the toilet here.  The shower here and tub here against this more sturdy outer wall.  Not that the rest won't be but something that's going to hold that much water needs more support underneath.  Then the vanity here?"

Xander nodded.  "That'll work, yeah.  Or do like hotels do and move the vanity out into the room and part of the dresser.  I was going to put my bed here.  I'd still like a sink in the bathroom but we can use that against the doorway?"  He considered it, resketching what he wanted.  The contractor nodded that it made sense to him.  "Bathroom door here and here, pocket doors easy to do?"

"Very. That will cut down your closet area though."

"I'm not in society.  I need a few suits.  I need a dresser more than I do a closet."

"Which would mean this would be a better way," he said, designing that.  "And it would be a good use of that extra expansion on this side of the bathroom.  That would give you a roof over the bottom part of the stairs though."

"As long as I don't have to bend.  Most houses have one anyway."

"No, you wouldn't have to.  I can put a step up into it to make sure it's strong enough."  He drew that out, getting a nod.  "What about hers?"

"She's a very sweet, shy, girlish sort of girl.  Long dresses, femme sort until you piss her off.  Then she become the Goddess on steroids."

"So same sort of tub in white?  Plan for white decorations.  Large free standing mirror?  Maybe a bit more Victorian?"  He let him see that one.  He pointed at a picture.  "That's pretty and she'll like that."  He made note of that picture.  "Will she need more than a closet and dresser?"

"She'll probably dress in the bathroom.  She does now even though we don't share one."

"Okay, so a dressing table in there."  He added that note.  "Where the towel thing in the picture is, we can put a full vanity for her."

"She might like that.  Brass you think?"

"That would go well with the tiles you picked out and the other accents.  We can get tub knobs in it just as easily.  Yours in simple silver?"  Xander nodded.  He made that note as well.  He looked at it.  "It's not a lot of work really.  The floor being fixed will be done first, just for safety reasons.  Then your room, then the bathrooms.  Then the kitchen and painting the rest."  He looked up.  "It's not going to be totally cheap."

"But not a million buck renovation," Xander finished with a grin.  "I got an extra two hundred thou above the purchase price."

"That'll more than cover this," he assured him.

"Cool.  Can you paint the hallway?"

"If the owner would let us.  It does need it."

"I saw."  He sighed.  "If not, I'll do it later as a building present for the holidays or something.  Let her plant a few things on the front steps."  He smiled.  "I know there's others there.  They'd probably like it since it'd make the building look nicer."

"Probably.  I wouldn't mind if I lived there as long as it was neutral and looked nice."

"I'd go with fairly simple off white."  He took the book of wallpapers and paint wheels.  He looked through it.  "This color for her room."  He made note of that.  "This in the kitchen.  The back splash?"

"Find us one."  Xander nodded at that, going on.  "That's going to be a bit dark for your room."

"But for my desk area it's great.  It'll separate the area out."  That got a nod.  He kept going.  "Living room and my bedroom."  He found another one.  "That in my bathroom please.  With this border around the vanity area."  He let him have the book back."

"That's very easy to do."  He finished making notes.  "Did you measure out the space?"

"In a friend's workplace's old ballroom.  That way I got an idea."

"That's fine then."  He smiled and shook his hand.  "I'll have this drawn up into plans tonight.  Are you staying local?"

"For a week.  I have to meet with my overworked editor.  My agent at her office.  I'm going to soak later on."  He grinned.  "I deserve it after that flight."

"Some day they'll take less time.  I'll draw up the official plans and estimate."

"Off that new overhang, can you put a box or will it be too high?"

"Probably too high but it's going to be dead space so she can fill it with whatever."

"That's cool.  Maybe move that one part of the display cabinet there?"

"That's a good idea."  He made that note with a nod.  He smiled.  "I'll call you in a few days so you can verify, see the final estimate."

"Thank you."  He smiled and left.

"The kid has decent enough taste, just a bit dark," he decided, calling in his planning person.  "I met with Mr. Harris."

He saw the notes.  "He's specific but he has some nice ideas."

"He does."  He let him see them and the pictures.  "I need the plans within a few days."

"That's more than doable.  We won't have to do that much work outside the extension and the bathrooms.  Where did he want the washer/dryer?"

"He didn't say.  We have this one dead area here," he said with a point.  "Or we have this one next to the kitchen on the door side."

"I like that one.  We can build a pretty closet around it, with a small pantry area."  He took it to do the plans for.  He came back.  "Mosaic?"

"I told him to find us one."

"That'll work."  He went back to his desk.

***

Xander walked into Donnie's new office, looking around.  "It's smaller."  He smiled.  "Do you feel squished?"

"I do.  Usually I work from home."  He shook his hand with a smile.  "I hate you for overloading me.  Have I mentioned that yet?"

Xander shrugged.  "Sorry?  It's paying for the renovations to the new place."  He sat down.  "How overloaded did I make you this time?"

"I've got an extra two clients."

"Ow, I'm sorry."

"It's all right.  We need to give your publisher a bit more breathing room anyway.  Paula too.  She has a box with your name on it right now."  Xander nodded that was true.  "Thankfully you've slowed down."

"It's about time for the usual fall problems.  My muses know that and if I end up with a sword it'll be good inspiration."

"You're insane, Xander."

He shrugged again.  "It has to be done."

"I know."  He looked at him then at the pile next to him.  "Yours."

"There's only three?"

"I sent Paula another four last week."  He stared at him.  "Celebrate a lot this summer?"

"We'll be exploring the new city definitely."

"Good!"  He smirked.  "Will Tara like the new place's designs?"

"I gave her a girlish bathroom with brass, white, and pretty tile.  Plus more closet room."

"That'll definitely be liked.   Somewhere to get pretty?"

"She'll have a vanity in her bathroom and a full length free standing mirror."

"Even better."  He smiled.  "So how is the selling the old condo going?"

"She says it can be gone within a month.  Especially since it has grass."

"Excellent news.  Anything you didn't put into your plans?"

"Yeah, but that's the weapons beyond the showy pieces."

"Uh-huh.  I don't need to know."  Xander nodded with a grin.  "Good.  Slow down?  Please?"

"Talk to the muses."

"I am.  They're in your head."

"Maybe that's part of Anya's curse.  Who knows.  Am I better or worse than I was?"

"Sometimes I can tell when you're writing too fast.  You skip some words now and then."

"So I'm as bad as I ever was and you make me look fantastic?"

"I do."  He smiled.  "It'll be good.  The next one will sell more."

"I'm hoping we have something minor coming out in a few months."

"I think you do but that's up to them and Paula."

"True.  I'm seeing her tomorrow.  Today I'm going to look at some clubs and things.  When we get in, we'll invite you for a housewarming."

"I look forward to it, Xander.  I'm sure you'll be happy there.  The city has a lot of diversions when you get a bit stuck."  He waved one.  "Clear here since you didn't connect some things very well."  He handed it over.

"Yeah, I got stuck on about two paragraphs and was advised to write ahead and join.  I  can go back and do that."  He looked at him.  "Anything else that you've seen that's an obvious problem?"

"Not yet.  Fix that and resubmit in a few weeks.  Let me get caught up."  Xander grinned.  "I know, you'll have more."

"I've only done two short stories for her to pimp around."

"Even better!"  He smirked.  "Shoo.  Go soak and figure out how to join the two things better."  Xander stood up and gave him a hug before bouncing off with the manuscript.  Donnie shook his head, going back to work.

One of his coworkers leaned her head in.  "Who was that?"

"Alexian Harris.  I've been editing for him since his second short story."  He smiled at her. "He writes more than King does."

"Why?"

"He's single.  He only likes deadly women though."  He smiled at her.  "His last few got the attention of the LAPD."

"Oooh, I'm sorry for the boy then.  He's really young."

"Yes he is," he agreed dryly.  "Almost twenty-two."

"Huh."  She went back to her office.  That was an interesting tidbit.  Not too many authors put out good stuff that often.

***

Xander leaned around the doorway in Paula's office.  "You busy?"

"For ten more minutes, Xander."

"Coffee?"

"Please.  Two of equal."  He left.  She smiled at her current client.  "I'm a bit behind thanks to earlier."  He smiled and they got down to why he was in there, sighing things.  Xander came in with her cup of coffee and his, sipping his hopefully.  She took hers with a moan of contentment.  "Thank you, Xander."  He sat down.  "Do you know how much of a backlog you have?"

"Ten?" he guessed.

"Fifteen.  Six I have to give to the publishers."  She stared at him.  "Take some time off?"

"I've only done two short ones recently since we're coming up on problems in LA."

"Tara?"

"My other job, Paula.  Happens every spring.  Sometimes around Halloween too."  He took another sip and put his cup next to his feet.  "So it is slowing down and I know they're deciding on timing.  This lets them move things around in the paranormal series.  That way they can decide they like this one over that one."

"They're numbered in a lot of ways.  You connected them well.  You can't put out book five and then book three."

"Anne McCaffrey can do it."

"You're not Scottish."

"Good point."  He smiled.  "However they want.  I think book two was a bit slower paced."  She nodded.  "Outside of that part connecting it back to book one and a connection of them remembering it in book five, which doesn't lead to anything I don't think, they can move that one back.   I think the only one that the connections rests heavily on is a few where they run into a situation of 'remember how we did' in book five and seven, and the big talk in book five.  Then again, book five is one I got stuck on."

"Good point."  She made that note.  "So technically they could take some of those out to rearrange."

"If I remember right, the ones that can be removed, outside five, six, and seven, which mostly have to be in that order because they all foreshadow nine, yeah.  Eight they need the maturity from the other ones but there's no linkage back."

"Good."  She noted that.  "So five through nine have to stay."  He nodded.  "Can they be interswitched?"

"Six maybe.  No, six has that damn prophecy found.  That leads back to books eight and nine.  Heavily in nine's case.  Eight is a more fun romp before it gets a bit darker in nine, which I know Donnie has.  He handed it back and told me to connect it better where I got stuck there."  She nodded at that.  "Two technically could be moved to four.  One, three, four makes sense.  Two then five, six, seven, eight, nine, and I'm working on ten, which is aftermath and that stuff."  She made that note.  "If they want of course."

"Of course."  She smiled.  "They wanted to do one, four, three, two."

"Four does have a stronger connection back to three.  I'd have to rewrite more scenes.  Like them finding out."

"I'll mention that issue."  She made that note as well.  "Housing?"

"Waiting to hear from the contractor that he has plans done."

"Excellent.  Is it in a good area?"

"Slightly off fashionable part of Lexington?"

"Not a bad area.  Lots of old buildings."

"Yup, which was why it was very cheap.  I can pay for it, the renos, and still have money left from the sale of the condo in LA."

"Excellent.  The building falling in?"

"Very ancient.  The hallways haven't been updated in forever.  Some of it was last done in the fifties."

"That explains why it was so cheap then.  It'll be safe?"

"Yeah, very safe.  I included a lot of growing spaces for Tara too."

"Even better.  I'm sure she'll like that.  Her closet?"

"Upped and gave her a storage area too."

"Even better.  Most girls need big closets."

"She's not acquisitive."

"She's odd then."

"She's sweet.  And no condo fees.  Direct billing."

"Insurance," she reminded him.

"On my laptop?  Hell yes!"  He smiled.  "On the new place, homeowner's."

"Good."  She smiled at him, digging out a file.  "Royalty check?"

"Should I bark?"

"If you want.  I'm sure it'll be adorable."  He barked and signed, taking the check.  She smiled.  "You're so goofy sometimes."

"Yeah, I am.  But that's being a Xander."  He smirked.  "Anything else today, great one?"

"No.  Go.  Shoo.  Go shop.  You can cash that here."

"I need it for condo fees at home."  He beamed.  She snorted, shaking her head.  "Thank you."  He kissed her on the cheek and took his coffee with him.  She faxed those suggestions to the publisher's rep she worked with for him.  It'd go however.

***

Xander walked into the condo, staring at Tara.  "Tell me now if you don't like brass, white, and slightly girlish tubs."

"No, I'd like that," she assured him with a smile, pushing her hair back behind her ears.  "I'm getting a girlish bathroom?"

"With a vanity area so you can get pretty for dates."  He kissed her on the head.  "Hi, I'm Xander, the shovel committee if you hurt her."  He shook the woman's hand with a smile and went to his room.  "It's all set.  The redo will be done in three months."

"Thank you, Xander.  You spoil me very well."

"Miss Kitty will have some great areas too."  He came back out.  "Plus it'll have a nice, functional kitchen with a washer and dryer."  She hugged him for that and he grinned.  "Plus the balcony will have a lot of places for plants.  Including the terracotta orange stuff you wanted."  He smirked.   "I made it subtle so we're not in a forest but it'll be pretty."  He went back to his room.  "Have a good night.  I've got to finish connecting some spots Donnie didn't like."

"Okay.  You too."  She looked at her date.  "Xander."

"I heard.  Sibling?"

"Nearly."  She smiled. "He's very sweet but a bit goofy when he wants to be."  She went to get the car keys and came out.  "Car keys."  Her girlfriend smiled and joined her.  They had dinner reservations.  They could talk about New York later since she wanted to move that way anyway.  Xander would play with her cat later when she was in a kitty mood.  It'd make sure he ate later on.

The End.

Chapter 4: Great New Days

Great new things are coming the duo's way in New York.

Tara looked up at their new building, frowning.  "It's older than it looked in the pictures."

He pointed.  "See that balcony, it's ours."

She smiled.  It had a lot of growing places.  "That's pretty."  He led her up to the door, handing her the keys.  He had gone first into their last place.  This time it was her turn.  She opened the building's door.  "I was going to offer to fix it," Xander admitted quietly.  She smiled and nodded, taking the elevator up to their floor.  "I painted," he admitted.  "The manager was not pleased when he caught me but the others like it.  I pointed out it looked better too.  Made it look less old in here."  He pointed.  "That's us."  She put the key into the lock and opened the door, walking in and staring.  He looked over her shoulder.  "He found those neat columns in a mag," he said in her ear.  He gave her a nudge.

She walked in and looked around.  Their stuff would be there that night.  The kitchen wasn't too bright but it had nice lights to mimic it.  She opened up a set of doors, finding the washer/dryer, and a small set of shelves next to it.  The rest of the kitchen was beautifully done with tile floors, a mosaic back splash above the deep soapstone farmer's sink.  The stove was fairly simple but useful.  The fridge was new, something they hadn't had before.  Two side-by-side doors and two freezer drawers underneath.  A subzero.  The microwave was off the counter, under a cabinet.  The cabinets had plenty of space and the island had the four sitting places and two large areas gouged in.

He pulled the two inserts out, handing them over.  "Dishwasher safe in both cases," he told her.  "Faux marble.  Can be chilled if we need it to be."  He opened the dishwasher drawer on the island.  It had two of them so they could use it every few days or after huge meals.   "Plus this."

She put the inserts into place and looked around.  "Did it hang out that far before?"

"No.  That's my dressing area."

"Okay."  She looked inside the cabinets.  "Weapons?"

"Yup.  Once a Scoobie, always a Scoobie."  He grinned.  "See, orange, like you wanted."

She hugged him.  "It is.  I'll have plenty of growing room."  She opened the large window and walked out to look.  They had built in some planters for her and others were free standing.  She came in to look at the growing trays in the columns around the kitchen and the other free standing ones.  "I'll definitely have a use for those.  Thank you, Xander."

"It's your home too, Tara."   He led her into her room, opening the closet.  It had a pull out mirror he showed her.  "That is the extra space behind the stairs for a storage area."  He smiled at her.  "But I made it bigger in case you wanted more clothes."  He opened the pocket door into the bathroom.  Her sink was right there next to the doorway.  He covered her eyes and walked her in.  Then he let her go.  She looked around, spinning slowly in place.  White clawfoot tub, the old sort.  Pretty good sized vanity area with a full-length brass mirror next to it.  Shower area.  She opened a door, finding the toilet.   She looked back.  "Linens?"  He pointed behind him.

She opened it to find a bunch of smaller shelves.  "That's pretty handy."  She gave him a hug.  "Thank you.  I love it."

"I thought you might. It's very femme but not delicate, like you are."  He beamed and took her upstairs to his room.  He showed her the dressing area.  She nodded in approval at the built in dresser and closet area.  Then the bathroom.  The sinks being between the two pocket doors got a bit of a look.  "In case someone in there needs privacy."  He let her open the other door.  He had a nice, deep newer clawfoot tub painted a golden tan color.  It had a few jets around the back and was very deep.  He had made sure.  He had a corner shower unit.  He had a toilet boxed in but it wasn't too obvious since it was against the corner.   For a triangle shaped room it was well laid out.  He smiled at her.  "Well?"

"I adore this.  It's masculine but very nicely laid out."  She smiled at him.  "It'll all be here soon."

"Then we'll have to unpack for days," he said dryly.  "Did you talk to the realtor?"  She held up the check.  It had taken an extra two days to clear since the new owners had gotten some government funding.  "Cool.  The other account?"

"Already transferred since I used a national bank.  They'll want new signature cards."

"That's cool."  He smiled.  "When we put this one in we can do that."  He walked her back downstairs.  "It's not too low hanging."

"No, it's not," she agreed.  She sniffed the dirt in the nearest column.  "It smells like growing dirt."

"Put the flowers outside," he said.

"I am."  She looked around the kitchen again.  She could do some major damage in there.  She heard a floor squeak and stepped over it again.  He looked over.  "Weak spot?"

He came in to test it.  No squeak.  She tried it again.  They were standing still when the next squeak happened with a moan.  They both looked up.  "I think they're having fun with dinner."  She swatted him on the arm but he grinned.  "We have neighbors behind the brick walls too."

"That's fine.  If I can't have grass, this is the next best thing."

"Once you're satisfied we can have the housewarming."  She hugged him.  He went to the living room to call Donnie and tell him they were officially in.  She stayed in there to call the movers to see where they were.

"It'll take them an hour.  Groceries?" she asked.  He tossed her his wallet and she left to do that.  He picked up too many sweets and no vegetables when he shopped.  She got him his stuff and hers - usually at a better price.  She had spotted a nursery from the balcony so she could check it for seedlings.

Xander sat down and opened his laptop, going back to his current work of creepy fiction.  They had taken out how Tral's dalliance with the tree had made both sides declare peace to get rid of him.  They left it at him being found in the woods doing something.  So now he had to give the next character in that universe some perverse fun.

***

Xander walked up to a desk in a police station.  "Hi, I was told to come see you and transfer this file out to you."

"Sex offender?" she asked with a grimace.

"No, I've dated two people traffickers, a weapons dealer, three convicted killers, and one that's still awaiting trial," he said.  "It's from Detective Morris out in LA."

"Who told you to come see me?"

"Someone I share an agent with and Detective Morris."  He grinned.  "He said you were good."  He handed it over.  "That's what she sent but her card is stapled on the inside if you need to talk to her in person.   She was always amused when I dated."  He walked off happier.

She opened the folder, staring at the fact sheet on the guy and his dating habits.  "How in the hell?" she demanded quietly.  Her boss came out to look over her shoulder, snorting and shaking his head.  "Did you hear about this?"

"Rumors at the last police convention."  He walked off shaking his head.  "At least he'll know who to come to with the next one."

She glared at his back and got back to work.  "This is insane.  How does one man date this many cons?"

One of her fellow detectives casually read over her shoulder.  "That's bad."

"She wanted us warned.  That way we weren't surprised when we kept running into him."

"I won't be then."  He took it to read.  "I have an ex he might like."

"So far there haven't been any leeches listed," she shot back with a grimace.  "I'll keep it in mind."

He handed it back.  "Spread it to Vice, just in case.  That way they know in case he picks up a working girl or someone dangerous that way."  She nodded she knew someone over there.  This would make a few officer's weeks to read and giggle at.  Probably until they ran into him somewhere.

***

Xander tossed something on Paula's desk as he walked in.  She stared at it then at him.  "Housewarming.  Bring whoever you want.  You, Donnie is coming.  Me and Tara.  We don't know anyone else in the city so bring a date we can chat with."

"I might be able to do that.  Fancy dress?"

"Comfortably dressed?  Yes, of course."

She smiled.  "I know you guys aren't going to be entertaining.  Did it come out okay?"

"It came out nearly perfect.  Some of the paint was darker than I had thought.  My desk is nearly in a blacked out area.  I think I gave Tara too many growing spaces.  It's making her decide and pout.  She complained she had two too many.  I told her to plant kitty grass for Miss Kitty but she pointed at one in a corner.  So I told her to plant catnip."  He grinned.  "We can use it the next time a werewolf comes by.  Oz said he liked it a lot."

"I don't want to know," she sighed, shaking her head.  "Why would a werewolf like catnip?"

"I have no idea.  Maybe for digestive purposes."  He shrugged.  "So, I'm hoping really hard that you have a check for me?"

"I thought I mailed it," she said.

"Mail came today and it didn't."  She searched around, finding the envelope.  He kissed her on the forehead.  "Thank you."  He signed what he had to and walked off happier.  The bank transfer had went well and everything was set up.  So he cashed it and went to get Tara something nice to wear tonight.  She needed something nicer to wear.  He got home and handed her the bag.  "For tonight."

She looked inside then at him.  "You're dressing me like one of your bad girls?"

"It's long."

"Fine."  She smiled.  "I've been thinking."  He grabbed an old helmet he had found and put it on his head.  "Not that sort.  I'm not Willow."

"Thank God, I wouldn't want you to be infected by Anya too."

She pinched him.  "I should use my degree for something."

"It's cool."

"No it's not.  I should be paying some of the bills.  I'm a big girl.  Big girls pay their own ways."

"If you want to work part-time you're more than welcome to," he said with a shrug.  "Don't bitch at me when you forget to pull me out of a story though."

"I won't."  She pinched him again.  "What are you wearing tonight?  And go shave.  You look scruffy."

"Scruffy is in."

"I don't care.  Scruffy is mean looking on you."  He rolled his eyes but went upstairs to shave and put on better clothes.  She changed, smiling at the nice mid-calf gray pencil skirt

and tan shirt he had picked out for her.  She put on her favorite locket and made sure she had done her hair and brushed her teeth, then put on shoes and walked out.  She was fussing in the kitchen when Xander came down.  "Clothes," she ordered.

"I said comfortable.  Donnie will be in jeans."

"Not if he's coming directly from work and those have holes."

"So does my underwear.  So?"

She looked at him.  "You can fix that.  You should have something nice for signings."

"Those I go in jeans and a nicer shirt."  He shrugged, going to put on better pants and underwear without holes.  He came back down and saw her look so changed his shirt too.  This one was a t-shirt meant to be tucked in.  He came back down at the door knock, going to answer it.  "Donnie, save me from Tara.  She's turning into a fashionable girl like Cordy."

He smiled at her.  "About time someone straightened him out sometimes.  I don't see how he gets all those bad girls with how he dresses."

"Leather pants," he quipped with a beaming smile.

Tara stared at him.  "Maybe that's why they're bad?"

"You never know," he quipped.  He showed Donnie around, smiling at his happy look at the areas.  "I gave Tara plenty of plant space and Miss Kitty plenty of hiding spots," he said, pointing at where she was crashed on top of a display cabinet.

"I can see she loves New York."

"Last night she got onto the balcony and Mommy had to swat," he told him.  He led him back to the living room.  "Tara, cable guy?"

"While you were gone.  Internet's on too."

"Cool!"  He turned it on and she handed him the cable box's remote.  "My tv should be able to."

"They said it can't.  Music stations higher up."  He found one and put it on there, making her happier.  She went back to fixing something to nibble on, putting it in the oven.  "There, that should be ready soon."  She came out to smile at Donnie.  "No date?"

"No, not today," he admitted with a smile.  "Though I do wish.  If you meet any nice girls, send them my way?"

"Of course.  They'd never understand Xander."  Xander stuck his tongue out at her.  She swatted.  "Behave."  The cat leapt down and onto his shoulder, making him flinch until she purred in his ear.  "See, even she knows you need to behave."

"She's purring and that means she likes me so she must be a bad kitty girl too," he teased, getting out of pinching range.  Donnie snickered at that.  Tara scowled.  "All kitties have evil kitty days.  That's why I found her hanging upside down in my  closet this morning."

"Hanging shoe organizer," she told Donnie, cracking him up more.  "She likes it, thinks it's a comfy kitty sleeping bag."  Xander nodded.  "She was head down again?"

"Yup, and snoring."

"She doesn't snore."

"Yes she does.  Often."

"Cats don't snore," she said.

"Like mommy like kitty in this case, Tara.  Your familiar picked up yours."  He handed her back with a grin.  "Neither of you are heavy snorers at least.  Unlike your last bout of the flu when you turned into a chainsaw."

She blushed, swatting him again.  "Meanie."

Donnie snickered.  "It's clear why he calls you a sister, Tara."  She went to check on the oven, letting the kitty rest in one of the growing beds.  It had kitty safe leaves and she liked them.  "I love those.  Where did you find them?"

"The construction guy found them in a magazine.  They're special order but I thought she'd like them and they're good architectural elements for some necessary support structures."  Xander grinned.  "She has two too many right now."  Tara nodded at that.  "Planting more herbs?"

"I might but things I need she can't get into.  It's poisonous for kitties."

"Isn't that why you pulled out the squirt bottle again?" Xander asked her.

"I'm thinking about it.  I don't use them often."

"Then plant some lesser kitchen herbs, Tara."  She smiled at that and shrugged.  "Maybe mint?  Then we could have a minty fresh kitty box."

She snorted.  "She might like that."  She went to answer the door.  "Paula.  No date either?"

"No, I couldn't find anyone tonight.  Unfortunately."  She took off her jacket, letting Tara hang it up for her.  "Boys."  She shook Donnie's hand.  "How much are you sending me this week?"

"I've got a few of his last batch left to do but I haven't gotten anything in weeks, not since the move."

"He's been writing," Tara assured them dryly.  "I forgot to make him eat a few meals too.  The grumbling woke me up."  They smiled at her.  Miss kitty brushed against Paula's feet, getting petted by her.  "Miss Kitty, go lay down and be admired," she said.  The cat looked at her then went back to her cool kitty saunter to the back of the chair that Xander wrote from.  She liked it and even if he was in it, it was hers.

Paula smiled.  "She's settled in well."

Xander nodded.  "Very well.  She likes to haunt my closet.  Let me give you guys the short tour while Tara makes more stuff to nibble."  He showed them around, earning a look from Paula at his closet.  "What?"

"Signing clothes?"  He pointed at his single suit and the few nicer dress shirts.  "Not good enough."

"Then take me shopping, Paula, but I hate suits.  Usually I wear nice jeans and a nice shirt."

"The fans expect better, Xander."

"Remember, I write sci-fi/fantasy stuff, Paula.  They expect clean and Star Wars t-shirts."

"Good point.  Still."  She stared at him.

"Take me shopping and it had better be comfortable."

"Fine.  I'll see if one of the other authors can do that since *some* of them have taste."

He shrugged.  "I'm a comfy guy, nothing more."  He let them see his bathroom.

"Xander, why the double doors?" Donnie asked.

He looked at him.  "Because all I've had for friends since I was sixteen and lost my only guy friend was *girls*.  I might need to use the sink while there's one in there."

"Oh, that reason.  We have got to find you more guy friends," he offered, patting him on the back.

"Sure, I could appreciate more guy friends.  Even gay guy friends.  It might be an easier transition."

"Your female friends let you get away with the ugly shirts?" Paula asked.

"Yup."

"It's all part of being a Xander," Tara called.  "Paula, phone, or your purse is ringing for some other reason."  She hurried down to get it.

Xander shrugged at Donnie.  "If you know some nice, friendly guys...."

"I'll introduce you, kid."  He walked him back downstairs, watching Xander's hair get ambushed by the cat.  "She loves you," he joked.

"Yet another picky woman in my life," he joked, cracking Tara up.  Paula was on the balcony.  "Can we help, Tara?"

"Pull out the salad and stuff."  He did that and she pulled out the rest of the dinner, setting it on their new table.   It might be the only time this was used but it was nice.

Paula came in, phone still to her ear.  "Xander, which detective had your dating file on the west coast?"

"Detective Wyans, Brooklyn homicide.  She told me to hand it to her."

She smiled and repeated that, going back out there.  She came back a minute later.  "One of the crime writers is stuck yet again for an evil woman."  She sat down.  "It looks very nice, Tara."  She smiled at the shy girl.  "You could come to the writer's conventions and things with him."

Tara shook her head, brushing her hair back over her shoulder.  "No thanks, I might pick up muses and have to write too.  Then we'd have to get someone to mind us both when we forgot to eat."  Xander pinched her.  "Hey!"  She swatted him but smiled.  "You would have starved to death by now, Xander."

"If I was that hungry, I'd get food and bring it back to eat while writing."

"When am I getting my next avalanche of stuff?" Donnie asked before taking a bite.  "Tara, does the oven work?"  She nodded.  "The fish is a bit chilled still."

"Oops."  She took it to warm in the microwave.  It was fully cooked, she didn't know what had happened.  She handed them back with a blush.  "Sorry."

"It's all right, dear."  Paula patted her on the wrist.  "I've done it myself and in front of important people."  Tara giggled.   "Fortunately I said that my oven wasn't working and I hadn't realized.  Just stuck it in and went back to tidying up for them."  She looked around.  "You two don't do wine, do you?"

"Not real often," Xander admitted.  He ate a bite.  "Nice job, Tara.  We have some beer," he offered.  "Or there's iced tea."

"No, this is good.  Just wondering.  I would've brought a bottle of wine but I knew you two didn't do wine with nice dinners."

Tara shook her head.  "Neither of us drink a whole lot."

Donnie shrugged.  "That's better for you anyway and sensible, Tara.  Which I've always liked about you.  Some of his other female friends weren't so sensible."

"Cordy had sense," Xander said.  "And fashion sense."  He stuffed his mouth.

"The one time I talked to Buffy, she was chattering about some date thing as she called it," Donnie told him.

"Yeah, I was on one and had left my phone with Tara.  You made her squeak according to Buffy so she took it to talk to you."

"I talked to Anya a few times too and she wasn't real solid either," Donnie reminded him.

"With Anh, it was always about the money or the orgasms, and that's how she put it.  You made us one so she liked you a lot."  He grinned.

"I'm glad since she demanded I make you more."

"Yeah, she probably wanted to go shopping again," Xander admitted.  He stuffed his mouth.

"Please don't marry a girl like that, Xander," Paula said.

"If she hadn't been dumb, that would've been an issue."

"I'll see if I can set you up with anyone," Donnie and Paula both offered.  Tara snickered.

"I do know some very strong women," Paula assured her.  "They never seem evil to me."

Donnie looked at her.  "I think that might be in the eye of the beholder, Paula."

"Quite possibly with a few of them since they're agents too."  She smirked.

"As long as they won't try to lure me to sign with them with offers of finery, gold, and dancing girls," Xander quipped.

"No, you're not a top ten writer yet," Paula said, patting him on the wrist.  "Maybe next time."

He smirked.  "Does that mean I get groupies then?"  Tara moaned, shaking her head.  He smirked at her.  "You'd like groupies."

"No I won't.  They're pushy."

"Not always.  The one I know about so far was very nice.  A bit sweet, liked Avenger comics."

Paula and Donnie both shook their heads.  "No, you get those in other genres," Paula told him.

He shrugged.  "Anya's curse threatened me with groupies."

"Curse?"

"To get his writing noticed, become famous, get groupies who he'd find lacking and go back to her," Tara told her.  "Which he can't since she's taken novitiate vows."

"Thankfully, the nomination for that award, which got me noticed, came three weeks before her wish," Xander added.  "I made sure."

She smiled at him.  "That's good to know.  No sudden downfall at the end?"

"No, she was an avid watcher of TMZ and the like."

"Ah, that explains that.  I wondered why she'd curse you to good things," Donnie said.

"You knew?" Paula asked.

He nodded.  "Yeah, and that they can't be retroactively cast.  I saw Anya and asked her one day."

"Yup, no going backwards in time," Xander agreed.

Paula smiled.  "So you lucked out before you lucked out?"

"Yup."  He beamed. "Not that I wouldn't take it if it had happened, but it's much more satisfying this way."

"Yes it is," she agreed.  Her phone beeped.  She pulled it out to glance at it.  "Excuse me."

"You have to hand hold, I know that," he promised.

She walked out onto the balcony, calling him back.  "What's wrong?"  She listened.  "No, I'm with Harris, why?"  She smiled.  "His housewarming.  I did invite you, you had kid duty tonight."  She listened.  "That's bad, yes.  Any idea who?"  She nodded slowly.  "Anything that wasn't backed up on it?"  She grimaced.  "What did the police say?  Ah, stalker?"

Xander leaned his head out.  "If that's Richard, tell him to look in Atlanta.  Tara said she caught a news story earlier about his laptop being stolen and someone in Atlanta was crowing online about having seen his newest book."  He went back inside.

Paula smiled.  "Hear that, Rick?"  She snickered.  "Yes, those two.  Lexington.  Go right ahead.  Thank you for warning me."  She hung up and walked inside.  "It was him, he hadn't seen that yet, and he's very pissed at someone."

"I'd be ready to skin alive," Xander agreed.  "Maybe even mean enough to wish some of my muses on them."

Donnie shuddered.  "Don't wish that many muses on anyone, Xander.  It's mean."

Tara snickered.  "We're still wondering if the puppies that one landlord saw were his muses."

"If so, they could come out to be petted," Xander said dryly.  "Because sometimes I have no idea where they're going and I feel like I'm only taking dictation from them."

Paula smiled.  "Feel lucky for them though."

"I do, but still.  Sometimes it's like they're all high.  Especially in the newest hunter story."  He stuffed his mouth.

Tara looked at him.  "Did they get high?"

"Well, the demon did capture, drug them, and is trying to make them beg him to take them in.  Which I'm not real sure why.  I remember that one's dead."

Tara nodded.  "Sometimes you've got to write what you know."

"It wasn't me the thing had, it was Spike.  Which is a scary thought if my muses are channeling Spike.  That means I might turn into Dru."  She cackled, patting him on the arm.  "With how batty she was, she might've tried to be a writer.  Spike was a bad poet."

She shook her head.  "No, I think Dru's problems were beyond muses."

"Maybe.  I hope so.  Especially if she was just as batty before Prague."  He ate a bite of salad.  Paula was giving him an odd look again.  "Spike was the vampire that was helping our team.  The government got hold of him once and put a control chip in his head.  He couldn't hunt so he made a deal with us.  His former, century long, girlfriend, Dru, was a seer who had tea parties with the stars.  Batty as hell."

"She liked you?" she quipped.

"Yeah, called me her kitten a few times."  He beamed.  "She offered to turn me too."

"So if you see the scary looking, dark haired, pale woman wearing Victorian gowns," Tara quipped.  "Warn him.  Especially if she's talking to her doll, Miss Edith, or the stars."

"We can do that," Paula promised.  "I have heard some goth kids like your paranormal series."

"That because I have better bad guys, who aren't all bad always."

"I've noticed some of the bad guys are a lot more likeable than the supposed heros," Donnie admitted.  "Especially that one female."

"Yeah, now and then she can be a bitch," Xander admitted with a small shrug.  "She's also confused sometimes."

"I've heard someone asked if she had MPD," Paula said.

"No, she gets pissed as hell whenever you confuse her."

"I'll point that out."

"Have them read her book four, the guys point that out to her," Xander quipped.

"I'm sure they were blunt with the way you've written them so far," Paula said with a  smirk for him.  Donnie nodded quickly since his mouth was full.  "Everyone seems to like how you write the main characters though.  It's why it got so far up.  For a first, popular genre book, it's done phenomenal."

"Thank you," he said happily.  "I'm hoping I have many more.  Groupies or not."  Tara smiled at him.  Paula's phone rang.

"Sorry."  She answered it.  "What's wrong now?"  She listened.  "Tara, dear, where did you find that note that someone had read the newest story?"  She got up to get her own laptop and find it again for her.  Paula read the web address to him and the signer's name.  He hung up so she did.  "Thank you.  The police are being very helpful at the moment.  They'll track it and his laptop."

"I've got LoJack on mine," Xander admitted.  "So if it's lost I can find it."

"Regular?" Donnie asked quietly.  Tara shook her head.  "In addition?"

"Of course."  She sat down.  "He does need to upgrade but he'll have problems with his word processing program.  They don't work well together."  She put her napkin back in her lap and took a sip of her tea.

"There are ways around it," Paula admitted.

"I hate word," Xander told her.  "I don't like how it reacts or anything."

"There's other options," Donnie said.  "Including an open-source version of word."

"That does the same goofy things, which would lead to you finding more problems," Xander pointed out.  "Plus I hate the interface.  I learned this one and I like it but other things don't.  Like the newer operating system."

"Can you get a copy of the operating system disk?" Paula asked.  "We can reformat something newer to something older.  Or I do know someone who has separate hard drives for each operating system so their programs are in their preferred environments.  The main computer is in one but they have external hard drives that hold the programs they wanted to keep."

"That would be sucky to bring with me," he admitted.  "Tara wants me to go to the park and write sometimes, or to a bookstore if I can find a local writing group."

"There's two small ones," Paula said.  "They've both had people published out of them, and most aren't the jaded sort you said LA's were at times."

"Only a few of the guys.  Some were still shipping things around so they're not being as jaded."  He finished his dinner and leaned back.  "Good job, Tara."

"Thank you."  She smiled.  "He needs to get out more."

"I can understand that.  It'll help him stay connected with people," Donnie agreed.

Xander smirked.  "Not as much going on out here either."

"True.  Thankfully."

"Xander, can you not risk your life?" Paula asked.

He shrugged.  "If I need to, better me than some innocent kid who has no idea what to do."

"True," she sighed.  "Are there other hunters?"  He nodded.  "Can you prompt them to help your friends?"

"We're only on call for local problems and apocalypses," Tara said quietly, looking up at her.  "For those we'd usually like more help."

"That's reasonable.  How bad is the local city in relation to what you guys used to do?"

"There's no nightly patrols.  I've only caught three listed deaths that might've raised in the papers in the last month," Xander told her.  "I handled two and the other had a family member there waiting.  He was horrified when his daughter dug her way out but sobbed and handled it."  She nodded at that.  "Like the ones in LA, generally most of them are really peaceful and hiding.  I've been debating finding the local watcher and introducing myself," he told Tara.

She shook her head.  "They hate us, Xander."

"So?  Still better to know who he is if I run into him some night in a club or something.  He might have a worse reaction and spill it then."

"That might tank sales or get him put in a hospital," Paula said.  "I'd say meet him somewhere.  Like a park or something so he can't hurt you or out you."

"That's what I was planning.  Sending him a letter to meet me on a park bench, citing Sunnydale issues or something."   He grinned.  "It'll be fine.  He won't bother me.  The guy doesn't even keep a patrol locally, Paula.  He's got a potential slayer to train and he's not keeping up patrols."

"I don't need to know."

"Good."  He beamed and got up, coming back to hand Donnie something.  "Yours I do believe.  You gave it to me last time you had me fix something."

"I did," he agreed, putting it in his pocket.  "Does it have more work for me on it?"  He shook his head with a grin.  "Thanks, Xander."

"I know you needed a weekend off for a wedding, Donnie."

"Yours?" Paula asked.

"Sister's."

"Ah."  She nodded and smiled.  "Have fun and be safe.  I'm not sure if I could wean him onto another editor."

"It's not that far from here.  It'll be loud and have a lot of drinking."  He shrugged.  "I'll be fine and my mother will complain that I'm single."  He grinned at Tara.  "I could bring you to make her not nag."

Tara shook her head quickly.  "No thank you.  I don't get along well with families and it's fairly clear I like girls, Donnie."

He gave her a short hug.  "I know you do, Tara.  You need a good girl so Xander can see what nice women are like.  That way he starts to date some."

"They're not attracted to me," Xander said with a smirk.  "I don't know why I have bad girl magnet powers but I do.  It even makes life a bit more interesting."

Tara looked at him.  "Let's hope none of the ones in LA take someone hostage to get you to move back," she joked.

"No, Gunn stopped her and handed her over to the nice guys who used to tail me on dates."  Paula let out a small whimper.  "Sorry.  But, hey, she's getting help."  He grinned at her.  "She hates flying too.  I only went on one date with her so I'm not sure why she's addicted.  I didn't even have sex with her."

She patted him on the cheek.  "Go gay, Xander.  Please?"

"Then the bad girls would have to find someone less ready for them," he said dryly.  "Or might take me hostage to make me change my mind."

Donnie snorted, nodding as he choked.  "Yeah," he wheezed.  "They might, kid."  Tara helped him by patting him on the back.  "Thanks, Tara."  He wiped his mouth and cheeks off.  "We'll try to find you a nice place to play safely."  He looked at Paula.

"I don't know that many evil girls.  Not his sort.  Some of my girls are lesser evils."

"Do they like oral sex?" Xander asked.  Tara whimpered and swatted him hard this time.  "Ow!"

"Anya shared *way* too much, Xander, and you're following that bad habit."

He smirked.  "I'm going to make sure your next one likes it too.  That way you can find someone who makes you make those squeaky, happy noises again."

She turned bright red and ducked her head down.  "You heard that?" she hissed.

"Yeah, came to get Willow for patrol one night," he said dryly.  "I decided that was more important and left her there.  She showed up when she remembered later on.  Sorry.  I tried to give you guys a night off."  She grinned at him for that niceness.

"Every woman should get oral sex," Paula told them.  "It's very nice."  Donnie gave her a look.  "Not offering," she said with a smirk.

"Thankfully.  You're not really my type, Paula.  Too femme."

She smirked.  "It's New York.  Anything goes," she quipped.  Xander smirked at her.  "I'm not that kinky so I couldn't tell you where."

"I'm sure I can find some good clubs to go move at."  He got up to get some more tea and came back with the pitcher, doing refills for the others.  Then he put the pitcher back and sat down again so he could sip.  It was good to be among friends in the huge city.  Made it feel more like home.

***

Xander looked up from his reading at the horrified gasp.  "I told you it was about Sunnydale matters," he said dryly.  He put his bookmark in place and shifted so he could sit down.  "Sit, Henry, please."

"Harris?" he demanded.

"Yeah.  My agent and editor had me move out here.  So it's me and Tara."

"Tara?"

"Willow's ex, Tara.  The blonde girl?  Shy?  Her?"

"Oh."  He sat down.  "So you're here officially?"

"Yeah.   Have been for a few weeks.  I thought I'd touch base, see if there's any huge issues I need to be aware of, if you're keeping a rotation so if your potential needs help I can back her up.  'Cause let's face it, she's not got the gifts yet so she's not a slayer."

"No, I keep my girl in training, not on patrol," he said firmly.

Xander beamed.  "It's good when the girls get some sort of life.  Kendra needed one before she was called."  He shifted.  "So, I've gotten two raising."

"Thank you.  We're mostly quiet and hidden.  I know LA had a lot of problems that the main people are complaining about."

Xander looked over the top of his sunglasses at him.  "Yeah, we know.  We were there for the ten months helping Angel's team."  That got a nod and a grimace.  "The Powers called, dude.  So anyway, I'm on Lexington if you do find something I need to jump into."

He looked at him.  "The Council hates you jumping in."

"If I didn't, we'd only have Faith."

"They probably would've gotten her out of the way."

Xander nodded.  "They've tried a few times.  I'm telling you this because I've done some homework and I know you're not the usual stick-up-the-ass sort who tongues the Council's head."

"No, I'm not," he said quietly.  "Who told you that?"

"Wes.  Which means that I don't hate you like I do Travers, so relax.  Just a head's up that I'm here if something huge is going on and no one can step in."  He stood up, looking at him.  "I didn't want to accidentally bump into you some night and have you blurt it out or anything."

"Thanks, Harris.  Travers clearly got you wrong since he said you were a brown nosing fuck up."

"Untrained when I stepped in and brown nosing helps during PMS.  Travers either doesn't have a wife or she sleeps in a different part of the house if he doesn't know that."

"All higher watchers are commanded to have offspring," he said dryly.

"I'm sorry for her then.  Anyway, let me know."  He handed over a small card.  "That's my phone at home.  I'm usually there writing."

He sat up, staring at him.  "You're Alexian Harris?" he hissed.  Xander just smirked and walked off.  "Damn."  He put the card into his shirt pocket and stayed there to think.  That might be good and Harris wasn't going to make him toe the line the Council commanded for the girls.  Though, if he caught him hurting the girl he had assigned to him, he'd kill him for it.  So it might come in handy to have him here.  At least all the bad demons would be drawn to him to make him handle them instead of his young apprentice.

***

Xander heard Tara start to nag the cat again and looked up something online.  That would work.  He got up and picked Tara up, grabbing his wallet and keys, stepping into his shoes, no matter how much she complained and wiggled on his shoulder.  He spanked her, making her yelp.  "Stop it."  He walked her down to the car, putting her in it and buckling her in, then walking around to get in and drive.

"Xander!" she complained.  He glared.  She shrank back.  "Xander?"

"Hush.  It's for your own good."  He started the car and headed off to the place he had looked up.  When he got there, he found a nice magically protected parking spot and parked, getting out and walking around to haul Tara out.  He put her back over his shoulder and carried her inside, putting her down facing the check out desk.  Then he walked off to go play somewhere happy.

Tara blushed.  "Sorry," she whispered.  "He thinks I need a break."

The woman behind the counter stared at her.  "He seems a bit mean, dear."

"No, he's not, but I've been mother henning again.  It's a bad habit.  I'm sorry."

An older woman leaned out of the office then came out to stare at her.  "Tara?"

She flinched, staring at her.  "Auntie Marge?"

"Yes!"  She gave her a hug.  "What are you doing up here?  It's good to see you away from that asshole father of yours, girl!"  She pushed her back to look over.  "You look tired."

"I've been nagging Xander.  He decided I needed a break so he dropped me off."

"He was a bit mean.  He carried her in and dropped her off," the counter girl told her boss.

"You're with a boy?" Aunt Marge demanded.

Tara shook her head quickly.  "No!  No.  He saved me from getting too sad after Willow and I broke up.  I help him since he's got really strong muses and keeps getting stuck."  She ducked her head a bit.  "I guess he decided I was nagging too much again."

Aunt Marge hugged her.  "The Goddess has plans for us all.  You especially, child."  She walked her into the office.  "So, tell me what happened.  The last I heard you had escaped to go to college."

Tara nodded.  "In Sunnydale."  Her aunt gave her the most horrified look.  "Remember I wrote about the stuff?"

"The blonde girl?  Yeah."

"Buffy, she's a slayer," she said quietly.  "I helped her.  So did Xander.  Now I'm helping Xander because he gets lost while writing.  He forgets to eat."

"So he dropped you off?"

"I was nagging Miss Kitty.  He picked me up and carried me to the car, then in here," she sighed.  "I guess he decided I needed a day off."

"That's fine.  It's good he brought you here."

"I'm wondering why he brought me here.  I didn't even know this store was here."

Her aunt winked.  "We've been here for a long time, Tara girl.  We even have a nice coven here."

"Really?  I used to work with Willow but the campus group was more of the new age sort."

"I've seen many of them coming in for meditation supplies.  C'mon.  I'll introduce you, dear."  She stood up and walked her out.  "This is Giana.  She's my faithful helper."  Tara smiled and waved.  "This is my friend's daughter, Tara Maclay."

"Like used to date Rosenburg?" she asked.  "I've seen her on some various posts moping about you."

Tara nodded.  "We used to date.  Then she was bad and cheated."

"That stupid bitch," Giana said bluntly.  She smiled at her.  "So that guy?"

"I was nagging my familiar."

Marge hugged her around the shoulders.  "She's doing mothering duty on him and he thought she needed a free day."  She smiled.  "She'll be joining us for the coven dinner tonight."  Tara gave her a look.  "There's only one other new member.  You know some of the others.  Jess moved with me."  She walked her off to call the ones upstairs down.  Jess came squealing down to hug Tara.  "She was on the hellmouth helping hunt."

"Oh, you baby!" Jess sighed, giving her a bigger squeeze.

"It's okay.  I was needed."

"Good.  Now you're safer."

"Helping Xander to make sure he eats."

Jess looked at her.  "Why can't he do that?"

"Muses."

"Oh."  She nodded, leading her back up there.  "We're researching healing spells."

Tara got a book she remembered, handing it over once she had found what she wanted.  "I used that one before and it worked well on broken bones."

She looked at it then at her.  "That takes some power."

"Willow's that powerful," she offered.

"This is my friend's daughter Tara."

Jess smiled.  "We watched Tara be raised until her mother died.  Too bad we couldn't curse your father or brothers."

"That's wrong," Tara said.  "Unless you cast one to redeem them.  I did that to help Willow because she was having problems with her powers.  She was getting addicted," she finished quietly.

Marge looked at her.  "Addicted?"  Tara nodded.  "That means she had some real strong power."  Tara nodded, pushing her hair back behind her ears.  "Huh.  She better?"

"When she cheated I asked the vengeance demon that showed up to help her find a nice guy to marry and love.  Someone who'd support her and hopefully let her have a lot of children."

Jess cackled, waving a hand.  "That's almost mean, child!"  She leaned on the table.  "How is she?"

"Her husband is a very nice Irish boy, first generation.  He doesn't really understand the craft but he's supportive of her helping Buffy.  She's had to be very good while teaching him what she can do and what's good magic versus everything else.  He's still uneasy but he understands most of the time and he'll let her teach any of their children that have a gift."

Marge gave her another hug.  "That is the most redeeming, selfless wish I've ever heard, child."  She smiled at her.  "Who did she cheat with?"

"Xander's girlfriend.  She's a former vengeance demon and now she's taken vows."

"Marriage?" Jess guessed.

"Novitiate."

Jess and Marge both cackled at that, hugging the girl.   They wanted to hear more about her life.  It sounded exciting and they could probably use her in the coven.  She clearly had sense and compassion.

***

Xander walked past the club's back entrance, staking the vampire that was going to eat someone.  He slid the stake back into his jacket as he kept walking like nothing had happened.  The intended victim spun then stared at him.  "Stalking is bad, kid," he said.

Xander stopped to look at him.  "I'm not stalking you.  I'm here for the same reason you probably were, to pick up someone nice and possibly fun."  He grinned.

Richard stared at him.  "What was that?"

"What was what?" he asked.

"Don't play stupid."  He stared at him.  "I know, have known.  Someone told me when you freaked out a certain agent."

"Oh.  Well, yeah.  Welcome."  He grinned.  "Didn't think you'd want to go to the ER for nibbling."

"No, not really.  So you're here why?"

"I need a day off and I'm hoping that someone in there is of questionable virtue and easy to talk into doing nasty, fun, entertaining things."

"I was here to talk to my ex-wife."

"Is she fun and of questionable virtue?  Since only evil girls like me?"  He grinned.

"Yeah, she might be," he decided.  He stared the kid down.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."

"Where are you now?"

"Lower Lexington.  I fixed it up very nice for me and Tara, and her cat."  He walked closer.  "I told her she could invite anyone she wanted to the housewarming but she decided she couldn't.  Did you get your laptop back?"

"I did.  Thanks."

"That was all Tara."  He smiled.  "I dropped her off at a wicca shop for her day off."

"That's cool.  How's it going?"

"I've only had one of those major days this month so far."

"It's only the tenth, kid."

"It's not my fault."

"I know."  He clapped him on the arm.  "Try not to hit on my ex-wife?  That'd be too weird and she might compare.  Plus you'd be buying her designer stuff."

"No, I learned that lesson with Anya.  I don't spend more than a hundred bucks on anything clothing.  Though Paula is trying really hard to make me shop."  He grimaced.  "She thinks nice jeans and a good shirt aren't good enough for signings."

"With your fanbase it's possible that's good.  In mine they'd expect a suit."  He shrugged.  "To each their own."

"I told her if it wasn't good enough to drag me shopping some day."  He grinned at the person staring at them.  "What?  We can talk."

Richard looked.  "Paps," he said, waving at them.  "First one?"

"Yup."

"I'm talking with my fellow author, Alexian Harris."

"Wow.  Some people have wondered."  He snapped a picture.  "So, anything new coming out soon?"

"Of course," Xander agreed with a smile.  "There's more in each of the series coming out sometime in the next year."

Richard shook his head.  "You need another hobby."

"I have Tara's cat to play with now and then."  He grinned and walked off.  "Have a good day."

"You too, kid."  The pap took another few pictures.  "He's a nice kid."

"Good.  Is he off to meet someone?"

"He said he was looking for a new girlfriend."  He put on his sunglasses.  "Let me get back to my own chains and laptop."

"Anything new coming out?"

"Hopefully in about a year.  I'm working on it."  He smiled.  "Ask me in a few months and I'll know better then."  Which was a really bold lie but it happened.  He walked off, heading for his car.  This was getting very interesting.  He slid behind the wheel and suddenly had an idea.  "Huh.  That's not bad."  He started the engine and drove home so he could write.

***

Xander walked into the store, taking off his sunglasses to look at Tara.  "Are you going to nag the cat some more?"

"No.  I've had a good day off."  She smiled.  "What did you do?"

"I found a woman of questionable morals and virtues," he said with a grin.  "And she's got a lesbian sister if you want introduced."

"No thank you.  I prefer good girls."

"They don't like me so have all you want," he promised.  "Coming?  I'm ordering.  I'll even clean up the kitty puke."

She sighed. "I need to plant more cat grass."  She looked at her aunts.  "This is Xander."

"Boy, I'd treat our niece better," Marge said firmly.

Xander stared at her.  "I treat her like my sister.  I don't make her do anything, I don't ask her for anything outside of the occasional change of what she's making for dinner, I gave her a huge ass bathroom, a room rent free, and basically free run of my life.  Just because she was being grumpy and needed a day off doesn't mean I'm mean to her and she's more than woman enough to tell me that herself.  Because I don't like *anyone* who tries to turn her back into the more shy young woman she was before when she was hurting so damn much.  I would hope you weren't one of them."

"Xander," Tara warned.  "They aren't.  They're my mother's friends."

Xander stared at her.  "You sure?"  She nodded.  "Fine.  But if they upset you, mega witch or not, they're toast."

"Fine."  She smiled at her aunts, who were both smiling.  "He did make me a very nice bathroom and growing spots all over the house.  Can they come over for dinner?"

He shrugged.  "If they want and you want to deal with it.  I'll probably be writing anyway.  It's not like I don't expect you to bring over friends, Tara.  Same as before."

"Thank you."

He gave her head a nudge.  "Quit being so nice.  All women are bitches now and then and you keep forgetting that."

"Some of us are nice."

Xander stared at her.  "Yeah, then you have PMS and slam my girlfriend against the ceiling," he shot back dryly.

"She had a knife and she was mean.  She deserved it."

"Well, yeah.  Not into blood play."  He shrugged.  "Are they coming over tonight?  I'll order extra."

"Next week."  She looked at her aunts.  "See, he's not mean to me.  Just tired of my fussing."

Xander nodded.  "Yup."  He smirked at her.  "I nearly went to Coney Island but they had it closed for school trips."

"Shoot.  We'll go next weekend."  She took his arm.  "What're you ordering for dinner?"  He shrugged.  "Mexican?"

"I can do that."  He looked at the aunts over her head.  "By your leave, ladies?"

"We agree, you're good for her.  Making her less shy," Jess decided.  "And you're cute."

"Yes, but only bad girls like me," he quipped back with an evil smirk.  "Do you want to take over the world, start an apocalypse, or kill people in a ritual manner?"

Marge cackled, shaking her head.  "I hope not.  I'd hate to take her out.   Go, shoo.  Have fun, children."

"She's only my nagging helper," Xander reminded them.  "She doesn't like boy parts and I'm clearly a huge boy."  Tara elbowed him.  "Fine."  He walked her out after she waved.  "Want to stop by the Puerto Rican section, the Mexican section, or the South American section?"

"Mexican."

"Okay."  He let her into the car and walked around to drive.  He could do that easily enough.  It was only a few blocks out of their way.

"Did you look up just any shop or that one specifically?"

"I looked up covens."  He smirked, pulling into traffic.

"That's a nice surprise then."  She checked her seatbelt because traffic was worse than usual right now.

The End.

Out-take 2: The Greater and The Lesser

My 2009 NaNoWriMo fic.  The greater and lesser parts of the clashing titles of Author and Scoobie are shown.

Started November 10, 2009

Xander walked into the police station.  "Someone called and said they wanted to talk to me about someone I knew," he told the detective.  He waved at Richard, who shrugged at him.

"You two know each other?" the female detective asked.

"Yeah, he's another writer," Richard said.  "Kid, who's your last girlfriend?"

"Full girlfriend or date?"

"Date."

"Um...."  He flipped through his phone's appointments.  "Angela."  The detective held up a picture.  "Yeah, her.  Why?"

"She's dead," she said bluntly.   "There's all sorts of evidence that you date strange people.  A lot of whom end up in jail."

"Oh, that problem.  Yeah, I'm a bad and evil girl magnet.  We only went out a few times but she wasn't up to my usual standards of evil.  I haven't seen her since Thursday.  I'll tell you what I can."

"Please."  She pointed at an interrogation room.

Xander shrugged and walked that way.  He sat down, looking at her.  "What can I help you with?"

"First, you're an author?"  He nodded, grinning some.  "True crime?"

"Sci-fi/fantasy/paranormal.  I'm Alexian Harris."

"Okay."  She sat down.  "Why don't you tell me about her?  How did you meet?"

"It was a set up from one of the women my agent knows.   If I remember right."  He got back into his phone, looking it up.  "Here we are.  First date and I was a bit late I think. I  was on the phone with Paula."  He let her see it.  "I have a horrible focus so I have to keep some notes now and then."

"That's helpful though."  She looked through it for all the other entries with her name.  "Three dates?"

"Four dates.  She showed up one night to have sex."

"Okay."  She made that note.  "What day was that?"

"After the second date, a few days before the third.  I can ask Tara.  She's like my sister."

"You don't always know what day it is?" she asked.  She stared at him.

He leaned his arms on the table.  "I'm one of those writers that has very strong muses.  Tara lives with me because she makes sure I eat.  She has to pull me out of things very often.  Paula and my editor hate me for it most of the time because I'm backlogged.  I'm over three years ahead of the publishing schedule right now.  Which was why she wanted me to have a new girlfriend."  He grinned.  "I haven't done anything but write for quite a while."

"Okay.  So you met, did dinner?"  Xander nodded.  "What after dinner?"

"Where were we?  Angelo's?"  She looked then nodded.  "Let's see.  I had pasta that was a bit overdone with a fairly weak cream sauce.  Not up to their usual.  Then we went....  If I remember right I took her out to a club, shook booty for a bit, then drove her home.  I went home, took a shower, fell into bed, got up two hours later, wrote a smut scene in the paranormal series, then went back to bed until about ten the next day when Tara's cat got me up by pouncing.  She likes me to clean her litterbox instead of her mommy."  He gave a small semi-shrug.

"Okay," she said.  "What about your last date?  Last Thursday?"  She looked.  "It says you were at Angelo's again?"

"She lived right around there.  About a block from the restaurant.  She was a bit later than I was because she had to run home and change.  A meeting earlier had gone long.  She was wearing a slinky seeming black dress, black hose, black two inch heels.  Top had a square neckline and cap sleeves.  Looked like they were trying to get back to Hepburn's style but didn't want to copy exactly.  She had her hair feathered back in front to the left side, the back pulled back in a small bun-like thing that didn't have a cage or obvious method of holding it up.  Probably with one of those easy-twist things.  We ate, I had steak, she had fish of some sort.  We ended up at Club Fire because she said she wanted to go and I could get us in.  We shook booty, had some hallway sex, she was tired afterward so I took her home and went home to sleep."

"So you haven't seen her since you dropped her off?"

"No, not that I know of.  Check the call log.  I had the home phone turned off because I never hear it but I have my cell and Tara has her cell.  That way we have phones but we're not tied at home."

"I can understand that."  She got into his call log.  "It says you have a voicemail from her?"

"I do?"  She played it and he shrugged.  "Huh.  Okay, I guess I missed her call.  Sorry.  I've been working on book twelve of the paranormal series."

"Okay.  Let me go copy this all down?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"You're very calm," she said.  "Do you often get questioned by police?"

"No, but I have had many ex-girlfriends and dates arrested by the ones that used to follow me around in LA.  One of their people used to stalk me on dates and pick them up after seeing who I was dating.  She had me send the file to a friend in Brooklyn homicide.  Beyond that, I think it's great you guys actually do stuff."  She glared.  "My original town got shut down by Feds for having the most dirty cops ever."

"I think I heard about that."

"They tried to arrest a friend for someone siccing a lifelike robot on her and her having to kill it to protect herself.  We never saw them unless they were looking to pin blame on others or you were jaywalking."

"I guess that can happen.  I'll be right back."  She gathered up the file and left.

Richard looked at her.  "Was he helpful?"

"He was very creepy."

"He writes fantasy stuff.  He's a geek."

"He didn't remember what day it is?"

"Yeah, he's had a phenomenon called hundred page days.  It's also called hypergraphia."  She groaned.  "Tara literally has to pull him out of his writing to make him eat most days."

"He knew more dirty cops than good ones?"

"Doesn't surprise me since the FBI gutted his town for all the dirty cops who tried to blow the agents up, paramedics, hospital, fire department that tried to burn them out for investigating some cults.  The whole town was shut down and his original agent and editor had him move to LA."

"Which detective in Brooklyn has his original record of dating?"

"Wyans I think.  Something like that."  He walked in there, shutting the door.  "Level with me, kid."

"About?"

"Her."

"She wasn't up to my usual standard of bad girl, she was more a sorority bad girl than not.  She wasn't up to my usual standard in bed.  She hated oral sex, which I thought was really strange.  She was very pretty but very concerned with being seen in the right spots.  Paula's best friend knew her and set us up.  She wasn't loud, she wasn't that into the sex.  I doubt we would've kept going out.  She was too preppy for me.   She wanted to be seen more than anything."

"So, press ho?"

"Could be but I don't get paps like you do.  Now and then I get one when I'm coming out of the club but otherwise nothing much."

"I've seen a few of those."  He stared at him.  "Anything else odd?  She know you from before?"

Xander shook his head.  "No, definitely not that.  She's like what Buffy would think would be a good girl for me to date."

"Okay.  Anything else you haven't shared?"

"The guys on the poker circuit said that she was boring."

A male detective came in.  "You play poker?"

"Now and then I grab a hand of kitten poker."

"You know people who play poker for kittens?" the detective asked.

"Yeah, don't you?"  The detective walked out so Xander shrugged.  "They're great sources of information.  I don't play as much as I used to by LA.  Or back in Sunnydale."

"Sorry, I only play normal, high stakes poker."

Xander nodded.  "I don't make enough to do that yet.  And I'm not sure if the rules are the same."

"Maybe not," he decided.  He crossed his arms over his chest.  "Any other suddenly disappearing former dates?"

"One Vice got for being a madam who beat her people but I only had dinner with her that once because she disgusted me.  I haven't been dating all that much."

"I can introduce you to a socialite or three who might be evil," Richard offered dryly.

"They'd be high maintenance and expect me to make more than I do.  I'm not paying for clothes for anyone ever again.  Not after the way Anya used me."

"I know that feeling very well," Richard sighed.  "No others?"

"No.  A few I've gotten down and funky with in the clubs but no.  It's harder to find them here than it was in LA.  I'm used to their version of clubbing.  Up here, that intensity is mistaken for scary."

"It can be, yeah.  Let me talk to them."

"Sure.  If Tara calls, because she should be soon, let her know?"

"I can do that."  He walked out, closing the door behind himself.

"Kitten poker?" the female detective demanded quietly.

"Yeah.  They're not normal but he does use them to get information now and then."

"What do they use the cats for?" she asked.  "Since you seem to know something about that circuit."

"I never asked, never been to a game, and it'd probably make me crap myself if I did.  Xander's not the average geek.  Not by any means.  He's got a better judge of character than a lot of detectives I've met.  The kid's also good in self defense because he used to help in his very filthy town to ease a huge death rate."

She walked in there, holding up a photo.  "Do you know her, Mr. Harris?"

He took it to look at.  "That's my agent, Paula.  I know she's not dead.  I talked to her this morning."

"Are you sure that's her?"

Richard came in to look.  "Yeah, that's Paula.  We share her."  He handed it back.  Then he dug out another picture.  "Date or otherwise?"

Xander stared at her face.  "Neither.  I saw her at the club a few times but she sneered. Too much rich bitch to put it bluntly without anything to back it up.  Fake bling if I remember right and knock-off dresses."

"How do you know women's fashion?" Richard asked.

"Buffy and Willow made me shop with them all too often.  All I had were female friends for *years*.  Then there was Anya."

"Is she alive?" the detective asked.

Xander stared at her.  "The last I knew she was about to take her full vows as a nun.  So, yes."  She backed down at that.  "Was she killed ritually?  I may be able to tell you which one or I may have contacts who could."  She put down a picture.  He stared.  "Ancient Mayan or Aztec rituals."  He pushed it back.  "And they did half of them upside down.  Your cutter's a lefty with the way the chest cavity opened from the bottom up.  Because those depended on the proper positioning in the rising sun."

"How do you know this?" Richard asked.

"Book seven, paranormal series.  Serial killer, LA two years ago.  Books by another very good author who did a hell of a lot more research than I did for mine."

"Did they catch that serial killer?" she asked.  "And did you date that one?"

"Funny, but no.  He wasn't one of the few guys I slept with," he quipped.  "And no, I wouldn't do you either.  You're way too soft for me."  She flinched back at that.  "Other than that, no, he wasn't caught.  The detective who used to follow me on dates had his case and ended up losing him when he ran to Mexico.  She was complaining one night after she arrested one of my partners.  I kindly bought her a drink since that one had been people trafficking for sex and organ harvesting.  She spilled that complaint then."  She shuddered.

"I remember her tracking you during that one convention," Richard admitted.  "With that one you caught at the club."

"Yeah, her.  Same one."  He smiled.  "She's a really nice lady.  Very sweet.  Loved her bunches and sent her cards every year for her birthday and Christmas."

"Is she still alive?" the female detective asked.

"No, she got shot in the line of duty about four months ago.  I found out when I sent her a birthday card."

"Oh.  Um, sorry."

"It's okay.  You're not used to geeks so I forgive you for being uptight, repressed, and snotty to me.  Now, do we have any other questions?  Or can I go back to writing elf smut?"  She handed over his phone.  "Thank you."  He looked at Richard.  "If you ask me, since she's trying to connect another one to that one, I'd see who has the flint knives since it looked like it was done with one instead of something like granite or obsidian.  Obsidian would've been sharper."  He left, sliding his phone into his pocket.

"That's not a bad idea," Richard admitted.  "What would one need for an Aztec ritual beyond an altar, the rising sun, and a victim?"

"Do you actually like that kid?" she asked him.

"You put his guard up.  Usually he's a nice, goofy, twenty-year-old guy.  He's a happy, bouncy, ADD case with hypergraphia in the extreme.  He's a caffeine junkie, a chocolate junkie, and he gives our shared agent a flower each time she pays him.  He's also the guy that you can trust to water your plants, be there if you're having a crisis, and to save your life on occasion.  He got someone who was trying to attack me once and acted like nothing had happened because that's how his former town was.  They tried to arrest him once for acting out a pickpocketing scene that was caught on camera with no one else there."

"He has a record."

"No, he has the former dirty as hell town's ideas of what to pin on the kid.  His friends have the same sort of thing.  The FBI cleared all of them."  He walked out to get into the federal report on Sunnydale, letting her read it.  "He's the one that turned the cult in because he was on the protection patrol."

She read, grimacing.  "How did they get away with that?"  She kept going, shaking her head.  "There's no way that wasn't caught."

"The town's former mayor had everyone cowed because he had too many contacts that used to make people disappear.  The kid was protecting that town from tenth grade until they shut it down with some female friends."

"This Tara?"

"Was the girlfriend of one of them.  From what he told me, his ex Anya and her ex were found cheating together.  They protected each other from the horrible ex's."

"Uh-huh."  She kept going, grimacing at it.  "How trained is he in weapons?"

"According to some sources?  Not very.  According to others?  Anything from swords to handguns through some artillery and bombs."  She gave him a horrified look.  He did a search, coming up with something.  "Their sort of geek in that town," he said bluntly.

She read over where a giant robot had been used to try to stop agents from raiding files.  "No way."

"Yup."

"Anything else you know about him?"

"He has a sealed federal file that starts with 'don't feed him chocolate, and if he's dating suspect that the being is dangerous and presumed deadly'.  That's the first sentence of it that was read to me."

"He bi?"

"Yeah.  He lost an agent due to that."

She slumped, looking at him.  "So he might be able to find out who this person is?"

"If I know the kid, he's already asking around for me.  I would trust him to babysit as long as he wasn't writing.  Because I know nothing short of a long range sniper would ever get near my daughter if he was babysitting her.  I'm going to use him to threaten her first real boyfriend."

"Which source is right about his skills?"

"I never asked."

"You aren't worried about him in the least?"

"No.  I'm not an evil doer that he has to deal with.  By the way, Tara's one of those Wicca followers.  Also a part-time librarian.  She's the motherly, Earth Goddess sort.  So no, she couldn't have done it either."

"How many times have you met her?"

"I've run into her a few times.  I run into the kid at conventions and at the office when we're both in to see our agent.  I've run into her at the library a few times doing research.  She's the stuttering, shy sort."

"So he's not really connected, just a sign post or they're picking the ones he casts off?"

"If he's right and it's that same serial killer, he was acting long before the kid moved to LA."  He looked at her.  "It's not him and I told you it's not him."

"Kitten poker?  That can't be that normal."

"No one said that the guys who play are normal.  That doesn't mean he's not.  Though, he's not normal.  He's a super geek in many ways.  If you need to know about some types of ancient weapons, ask him if he can get you a copy."

"He has some?"

"Yeah.  Tara told me a funny story about her cat knocking over the mace he was using as part of a story and nearly getting him on the leg with it."  He stood up.  "Also, supposedly he's a field medic for their team since the hospital out there had at least a thirty percent death rate for patients."

"How in the hell?' she asked.

"They were selling parts."  He walked off to call the kid.  "Okay, give on that serial killer."  He wrote down what he knew and had just heard.  "Any idea...."  He made another few notes.  "What do they do with the kittens?"  He shuddered.  "Eww.  Thanks, kid."  He hung up and walked back there.  "His name, his MO, his file number from LA, it's in the federal system."  He looked at her.  "And the ones he knows eats them."  He walked off to get some coffee and forget he had ever asked that last question.

She shuddered.  "That's disgusting."  She looked up the serial killer.  It did look like him.  So maybe the kid was just goofy and creepy instead of dangerous to others.  She hoped.  She'd keep him on her mental watch list in case something happened.  Including getting that file over.  "Someone get his LA file from Brooklyn Homicide?" she asked her helpers.

"It's on its way.  They wanted to know who he dated this time," one of them quipped.  "Kitten poker?"

"Castle said they eat them."

"Eww."  He went to get something to take his mind off that.  The file would do just fine he hoped.  It was certainly good for a laugh when it got there.  She took it when they were giggling, staring at it.  "Yeah, I don't think it was him," he laughed.

"No, clearly not."

Castle looked.  "They're missing three."  He sipped his coffee, smirking at her.  "Including the two here."  He sat down with his coffee.

"How does he do this?" she demanded.

"I don't know but Paula handed us the file at one time to give us ideas if we got stuck on evil female characters."  He took a sip, smirking at their reactions.

The kid walked in with a grunt of displeasure, handing someone to him.  "Asshole tried to hurt Miss Kitty and Tara.  He's very sorry and going to beg for prison sex."  He walked off shaking his head.

Castle handed the guy over with a smile.  "There, an easy arrest.  You tried to hurt the woman's cat?"

"They're evil and so are witches!" the guy shouted.

"They don't exist, your fruitcake," one of the detectives told him, walking him down to book him.  He did indeed confess when he offered to get Xander back up there.  Apparently the kid was scary sometimes.

Castle just smirked at the chaos Xander had caused without trying.  Though, now he had an idea on where he had been stuck.  He took out some paper and snatched a pen, writing it down.  "Maybe the muses are those puppies his former landlord saw," he muttered.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing."  He waved a hand, finishing that idea and putting it in his pocket.  "Sorry, sudden idea."

"I'm sure it happens," she told him.

***

Xander came out of the shop Tara liked to hang out in, finding someone there staring at him.  "What?" he asked the detective.

"You shop at places like this?"

"Tara's aunt works here.  I was dropping her off."

"That's fine.  Thank you for that information, Mr. Harris."

"Not a problem."  He shrugged.  "I'm used to being helpful."  He walked over to his car and got in, heading back to the apartment to write.

The detective went in to talk to this Tara person.  It was an unknown and she hated it when coincidences happened on her cases.  If she had to keep running into him, she wanted to know what to expect.  She saw a shy, blonde girl that sounded like what Castle described.  "Tara?" she asked, pulling out her badge.  The girl nodded slowly.  "I have a few questions to ask you about someone your roommate was dating who ended up dead."

"Which one?" she asked.  "The evil wannabe or the last really evil one I had to banish because she wanted him?"

"Banish?"

"She wanted to move up the rank of succuba."

"The evil wannabe probably."  She pulled a picture out of the file, letting her see it, getting a nod and the picture back.  "What do you remember about her?"

"I only met her twice.  I know she was an accountant in a firm that Xander's agent works with sometimes.  She wasn't like Xander's other girlfriends.  She didn't want to stay over.  She didn't want him to be cuddly and cute with her.  She hated it when he accidentally cuddled.  Sex lasted less then an hour," she said, starting to blush.  "I didn't really talk to her but my cat hated her.  Miss Kitty hissed and ran.  She's usually a very good judge of character and adores Xander."

"So nothing really that might lead to someone who would want to kill her?"

She shook her head, moving her ponytail back over her shoulder.  "Not really.  She liked going out to be seen from what Xander complained about.  She seemed a bit shallow to me too if that helps."

"Like if she had been prettier she'd have been a trophy wife?" Aunt Marge suggested.

Tara nodded, smiling back at her.  "Exactly but she got started too late."  She looked at the detective again.  "I wish I could help more."

"Do you know anything about anyone buying supplies for Aztec or Mayan rites?" she asked.

"There's only a few places in the city where you can get some things," Marge told her.  "Depending on what you need.  What specifically are you looking for, Detective?"

"We have one that may lead back to a multi-state serial killer who a friend of hers said was using Aztec rites."

"Huh.  Was she a mummy?" Tara asked.

The detective stared at her for a second then shook her head.  "No.  Not that I know of."  She opened that folder and held up a picture.

Tara grimaced.  "Definitely against the will of the Goddess but ....  Aunt Marge?"  She came over.  "That's a thicker blade."

"It does look like it, honey.  So probably not something you can get a razor sharp edge off of.  Obsidian will naturally flake to sharp edge."

Tara nodded.  "I have an atheme in obsidian for rituals."  She smiled at her aunt.  "Xander got it for me.  It's white veined obsidian."

"That sounds pretty."  She considered it.  "Granite might not be amiss but they did have bronze back then and I think something like an iron mixture but I'm not real sure.  I think we have a book on it though."  She went to the book section, pulling down one.  "Yes we do."  She walked it back, letting the detective look it over.  "That's on the ancient calendar of rituals.  Basically their timing and what each one was for.  I've seen others who used it for history papers and the like if it'll help."

"It might," she agreed, looking inside.  "How much?"

"That's twenty-five but I'll give the PD a discount this time, say forty percent?" she offered.

"Thank you."  The detective bought it and left with a receipt.  She could get reimbursed for it.

Tara looked at her aunt.  Then she sighed.  "Let me see if anyone in town knows."

"You stay out of it.  Our department around here is usually good.  Not like the idiots you had back in Sunnydale, Tara.  They will suspect you if you give out information like that."

"Xander said she already asked him."

Marge rolled her eyes, looking up at the ceiling.  "That don't surprise me."  She went to call around to see if she could slip a shop's name to the detective as well.  Not like that one knew anything about alternative ways.  She had that 'every one of you is freaks' look to her.

***

Xander knocked on a door, holding up a list.  "The places in this city where you can go to get specific, authentic or remakes, of Aztec artwork.  The second list is where you can go to get the granite the knife was made of.  At that width, I'd guess it was probably homemade."  He handed it over.  "And do not let her sneer at Tara or her aunt again.  Tara said she didn't but with the way she was avoiding the subject apparently your buddy wasn't all that tolerant today.  Only polite."  He walked off.

Richard looked at the list.  "Thanks, kid.  Got any other ideas?"

"Yeah, he hit a flight to Houston, then he's going to drive across the border later tomorrow.  I'm told he did twins earlier right before his flight.  You might want to check for hair deposits on them since he's not wearing robes."  He jogged down the stairs.

"That's good to know."  He grabbed things and headed out, calling her on the way.  "Some of the sources of information that said you weren't exactly more than polite earlier have come through with some information."  He started his car, backing out of his parking spot.  "No, they said you were politely tolerant.  Well, he's on a flight to Houston, there's a set of twin bodies somewhere.  He's going to cross the border in a car tomorrow sometime.  I have a list of shops for you.  Would that help?  On my way."  He hung up and drove to the station, going over the list at the stop lights.  It was thorough.  On the back was a name and a phone number.  "Huh."  Underneath it was written 'shaman'.   "That might be a lot of help."  He got there as fast as he could and walked in, handing over the list.  "On the back is a name and number.  I'm not sure if it's from earlier or related.  I can call and ask."

"One of your 'people'?" she asked dryly.

"You gave off bad vibes to his sister by not taking them seriously."

"How can you take them seriously?"

"The same way I take fundamentalists seriously."  He sat down.  "It's the same sort of strong belief.   In their case it's a bi-deity system with a female and male head.  They're usually peaceful, decent people who mostly want to be left alone."

"I don't care.  They're still strange."

"You see less deaths and other problems from them than you do from other sects and religions."

"I don't care, they're still a bit weird.  Tara told me earlier that Xander's last girlfriend wasn't liked by her cat, and her cat was a good judge of character."

"Most cats are," he pointed out.  "They know who's friendly, who's mean, who's going to hurt them.  Dogs too."

She grimaced.  "They're not that bright, Castle."  She looked over the list.  "What's the second part?"

"Xander thinks the blade was probably hand-made and granite.  I don't know how he got that.  I didn't ask.  It could be from the width of the cuts."

"We did find granite flakes in the wound," she sighed.  "Can he hack?"

"No."

"Good!"  She looked at him.  "You don't usually seem to associate with weird people."

"Weird for anyone artistic is relative, Beckett.   We get ideas at strange times of the day and night.  We let our inner voices guide us or our brushes, whatever we're using.  Some of us have literal muses that are real and some of us have very hyper ones that aren't.  It says something that the kid's had a strong enough one to get his first piece accepted at seventeen."

"Oh."  She frowned.  "Really?"  He nodded.  "So he's twenty now?"

"Yes, he is.  He used to work construction too if it ever comes up."  He stared at her, making her sigh.  "Will any of those have what we need to look for?"

"The book they found me has three of the six rites in it.  The others aren't listed."

"We can ask an anthropologist," he suggested.  "Though they might know more about the killer if he's one of them.  Also, I read the book that has Aztec rites in it.  Not a bad read for being urban fantasy.  Well researched too.  None of this shows up there."

"So it's not a fan thing," she said.  He shook his head.  "Let's see what the stores might've contributed.  Espisito."  His head popped up.  "Aztec shops."  He came over to get the list.

"The number on the back?" he asked when he spotted it.

"I'm not sure if it's an earlier note or not," Castle told him.  "Harris found it for me.  Also that he's on a flight to Houston after doing a double homicide.  Oh, and he said to look for body sloughing.  That he's not wearing ceremonial robes."  He looked at her.  She was calling dispatch so they'd notify them when the bodies were found.

"When did he leave?" she asked, getting into another number.

"He didn't say, just that he had done those two and left immediately for the airport."

"So probably within the last six hours."  She talked to the security person at the airport.  Then she looked up a number and called Border Patrol to alert them.  That she'd hopefully have a name for them later but to be careful.  She hung up and accepted something from a uniformed officer walking past.  "What's this?" she asked him.

"It got delivered for you, Detective."

She opened it, looking at the things inside.  "Pictures.  Why?"  She found the detailed note and sighed.  "From the LA cases."  She pulled them out to compare.  They had a lot of similarities.  The note said that they were sending ME reports directly to the NY ME.  It also listed case numbers.  "They had it down to three suspects."

"Good," Castle agreed.

"Bingo," Espisito called, waving a paper.  "Thank you.  Yes, I will be within a half hour.  Thank you, sir."  He hung up.  "I found the people who had sold an altar bowl like we found."

"Good.  Let's go," she said, packing things up and following him down to the car.  Castle beamed but followed.  "Let's hope we catch him before he makes it to Mexico."

"If not, we'll know when he pops up," Castle told her.  "Or we tell the US Marshals since it's an inter-state crime.  They can go get him for you."

"That might work too," she decided.  She could compare in the car.  "Did this guy sell anything else?"

"He said he couldn't be sure without photographs."  He backed out of his spot and pulled out.  "He also said he has a security camera in the store and wondered how long it would be before someone showed up asking since he saw it in the papers."

"Then why didn't he come forward?" she asked.

"Because their sort is still afraid of persecution," Castle reminded her.  "And of people thinking that they're quacks."  She glared back at him.  "Last summer, the city had three New Age believers murdered in the park.  It's still unsolved and half the detectives didn't want to work it because of who the victims were.  Like priests in other religions, they know they get little respect from those who don't understand."

"New York is very tolerant," she reminded him.

"Yes, but the police department isn't.  Not when it's about a case of kids who the very Baptist officers couldn't understand and wouldn't understand.  I had one tell me I should include that story in a book because then *maybe* someone might solve it."

"If it's been that long, it's cold," Espisito pointed out.

"No, they never searched any leads or talked to anyone," Castle corrected.  "I know that for a fact because I talked to the detective in charge about possibly getting some information as a side story in the latest book.  He said they had no leads because no one had talked to the significant others or anyone else.  He had to finally take the case from someone when they ignored it for a month straight."

She groaned.  "So one biased officer and they all distrust us?"

"No, he's right, this isn't the only one," Espisito pointed out.  He made a right turn.  "There's been others that have been ignored if the detectives didn't like the victims.  Including prostitutes being murdered that never get solved.  Or runaways."

She nodded.  "I realize that but it's not all of us."

"No, but it's enough of you who're vocal," Castle said.   "You get a lot of the same thing up until a few years back with gay-themed crimes.  Gay bashings got very little investigative work done on them.  Domestic abuse calls to gay couples still get barely any of the response the ones to het couples get."  She slumped down some.  "It's not everyone but it's some and they're well seen."

"So the rest of us being nicely polite," Espisito said.  "It could help."

"I was polite earlier," Beckett told Castle.

"He said you were politely tolerant.  Which means you probably had that look on your face like you wanted to say something and wouldn't."

"Probably," she sighed.  "I don't understand that."

"That's fine.  No one's asking you to.  But would you have treated a socialite the same way?"

"I'd hope I would."

"Then it's not a problem.  It's a problem when people totally discount them."

"I may not always believe that they're sane or sober but I'll listen at the very least," she told him.

"Good."  He smiled as they pulled up in front of the shop.  "Little kids buying stuff, that's a good sign of a healthy local business."  They got out and went inside.  The detectives questioned while Castle looked around.  He held up something.  "What's this used for?"

The shopkeeper looked over.  "Grinding duties."

"Corn or chocolate?"

"That one, chocolate beans."  He smiled.  "It's hard to get the raw thing up here but sometimes you need it."  He found a few other things he had sold, finding the receipts he kept.  One was a credit card statement in a woman's name.  The rest were cash.  He also got them the surveillance tapes for those days.

"Have you sold anything like these today?" she asked.  "We think he may have killed today."

He shook his head.  "No, today I've only had sparklers for the celebrations later, Detective."

"Where else might he go if he needed something fast?" Castle asked.  He handed over the list.  "That was given to me by someone in the nature studies areas."

The man smiled.  "Those Wicca girls can be a bit wild but generally nice.  Most of them bake too."  He looked it over.  "Micah's shop is not on here."  He wrote that address down.  "I do not like him; he sells anything to anyone.   Last year he had something that looked like relics."  He wrote down another one.  "That one is a procurer that has been haunting down here."  He stared at Beckett.  "If you could pass it on?"

"Of course," she agreed.  "For prostitution, drugs, couriers, what is he procuring for?"

"Parts."  He handed it over.  "Extras that people think they don't need."

"I hate those sort," she told him.  "I will be looking into him."  He beamed and handed her a lollipop.  "Thank you for your help."  He nodded and she carried everything out.  Castle got the car door for her.  She slid in and put them between her and Espisito since Castle got the back seat.   "How many more do you think we'll have?" she asked.

"Let's hit that one store," Castle said.  "He might have tapes."  They drove over there.  That one was dingy.  There was no sign of life in the shop.  It was open, the sign said so.  They got out and locked the car, heading over there.  Castle nearly shivered.  "Something's not happy," he muttered.

"Shut up."  She walked in with her hand on her gun.  Even she could feel that something was wrong.  "Hello?" she called.  "NYPD."  She heard a movement but it was a rat.  She kicked at it and it ran off.  She checked, nothing.

Castle stared at the wall.  "Beckett."

"What?"  She turned to look at him so he pointed.  She looked and gagged, shaking her head.  "That's not good.  Get an ME.  I think we found a new kill site."

Castle stared.  "This isn't the same."  He looked around, pointing.  "Video camera."  Espisito went to look for the tape while he looked around.  "Footprints, a back door."  She followed the bloody footprints out the back door and to the small building behind them.  She opened it and turned green.  "Twins?" he guessed, staring at the mutilated bodies.

"Yeah, I think so," she admitted.  She called in that update to the dispatch office so they knew to bring more CSI and body bags. She closed the door, going back out front to wait in the fresh air.  Espisito came out with a bagged tape.  "Bodies in the back building."

"Bad?" he asked.

"They'll need hipwaders," Castle said, looking a bit pale himself.  "I didn't see a camera though."

"If so, the CSU guys can find it," Espisito said.  He put the tape with the other evidence in their car and made sure it stayed locked.  He had seen some gruesome things but that had to be bad with the way those two looked.

Beckett nodded at the CSU person pulling in.  "Got three."

"I heard."  He followed her in, staring at the head.  "Did you find the rest of him?"

"Not yet."  She led him out back.  "I opened it."

"That's fine.  I'll make sure I can rule out your prints, Detective."  He stared at the bodies, carefully moving inside.  "This.... this is nasty," he decided.

"We've had someone using Aztec rituals."

"Clearly.  There's no heart."  He looked around.  "Anywhere that I can see.  Do we think the killer took it?"

"I don't know.  We heard a rumor he hopped a flight to Houston immediately.  Though, a shopkeeper did just tell us about a procurer being down here."

"Maybe," he decided.  He came out to alert the rest of his team.  He nodded at Castle, getting a small wave back.  "Aztec rituals?"

"No clue, he came from LA," he said.  "We got told about it by Harris after the first one."

"Alexian Harris?" he asked, looking at him.  Castle gave a small smirk and nodded.  "I liked his books so far."

"He said something new is coming out in each series within a year."

"More dwarf jokes?"

"Probably, yeah."  He smiled.  "He's a nice kid."

"Good.  See if you can get me an autographed copy of something?  Any of them?"

"Sure, I can do that."

"You know him?" Beckett asked the CSU.

"Yeah, he's not bad.  The Tral story is really funny."

"I'm told he does finally get a priestess, but she dies and he'll get another one by the end of his arc but there's other books in the series.  Including Helda's."

"That's one finely described warrior woman," he said.  "And former inn worker."  He went back once he had his case and protective gear on.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  He smiled at Beckett.

"Dwarf jokes?"

"Yeah, dwarf jokes about being the right height."

"I don't want to know," she said, walking off shaking her head.  "Try to set him up with normal people before we run into him again."

"I'll try but unless I set him up with an ex, I don't know many evil women."

"Try for normal ones."

"He might warp them.  I heard he did to one of his former girlfriends, who was a cheerleader."

"That doesn't surprise me.  He gave me a headache with the kitten poker issue."

Castle snickered at the watching officer's strange look his way.  "It's an underground thing."

"Harris is from LA?" he asked casually.

"Near there.  About three hours away.  The town's been shut down.  Why?  Know about him?" he asked dryly.

"I think my mother's heard of him."  He sighed.  "Did anyone come with him?"

"Tara.  Willow's former girlfriend.  Very nice, shy, Wicca girl?"

"Yup, heard about her too."

"He's writing and laying low unless there's issues," he said quietly.

"Even better!"  He grimaced.  "He's a magnet, you know that right?"

"Yeah, I've seen it in action."

"At least you're warned then."  He went to put up more tape for the crime scene guys.  A hunter in the city wasn't good news but his people were peaceful.  They wouldn't bother them by the information he knew.

Castle looked at the detectives.  "What if that procurer is helping with this?  I don't remember what Aztecs did with the hearts."

"I think the book said they were burned," Beckett admitted, rubbing her forehead.  "I've seen stranger things.  Why do you think that?"

"Have any of the cases shown any organs outside the bodies?"

"No, and a few were missing more than one organ," she admitted, considering it.  "That makes a scary bit of sense."

"It does," he agreed.  "I couldn't even write something this twisted."  She looked at the name the first shopkeeper had given her, calling back to the office to check the LA case files for the three suspects.  He saw he stiffen.  "Related?" he guessed.

"Same person.  Captain, please alert the airline's people.  He's heading to Houston.  Also Border Patrol since he's said to be heading to Mexico tomorrow.  Thank you."  She hung up and slammed the car door, making Espisito wince.  "Sorry, I hate people like this."

"Why use fancy rituals?" Espisito asked.

"Because this way he could cover up things," Castle said.  He glanced inside then at him.  "We never would've questioned the lack of organs if we hadn't heard from that first shopkeeper.  Or we hadn't until then."

"So they're selling them on the black market?" she guessed.

"A kidney can go for ten thousand on the black market," Castle told her.  "I know someone who needed one and did the research while they were on the waiting list.  A heart would go for closer to a hundred thousand because kidneys can come from a living donor.  Using the ritual covered their tracks further.  Plus they may be a sadist and might have enjoyed it."  He saw a familiar car go past but didn't react to it.  The kids kept going.  Beckett noticed and glared.  "There's an herb shop up the street," he said with a point.  "She's been talking about planting new ones.  He found her these pole supports that had built in growing trays.  Fairly shallow but I'm told she's got kitchen herbs and things for her cat."

"I saw those in a decorating magazine in the doctor's office last week," Espisito said.  "Yearly physical," he said at Beckett's strange look his way.  "They looked nice for things like small herb plants."

"She's got a small balcony full of plants from what our mutual agent said," Castle said, smiling some.  "In orange terracotta like she wanted.  He spoiled her rotten when he renovated."

"He renovated?" Beckett asked.

"He hired this time since they were on the other coast," he admitted.  "He managed a bit of the work at the end, like some of the painting and fastening her growing racks down.  She graduated about a week before they moved out here.  Sold his old place within two days of putting it on the market for nearly double what he paid for it because the original owners were on the run.  Their condo even had grass and a small fountain from what our agent said when she visited."

"Interesting.  Where are they now?" she asked.

"Lower Lexington.  About two blocks from the artistic, fashionable area.  It's an ancient building.  He said his super complained that he painted the hallways because they needed it."

She rolled her eyes.  "That's not a good neighborhood."

"Would you want to mess with them?" Espisito asked quietly.  "Even if she's a shy, earth mother type who walks like a victim I doubt they'd try it more than once and he'd probably destroy them."

"If they hurt her, definitely," Castle agreed.   "Otherwise he'd threaten and show his ass."  He smirked.  "Or he'd ask for a favor from his former life."

"I don't need to know," Beckett decided.  "I hope I never run into him professionally ever again."

"Vice did, as I found out earlier.  He got caught in a John-net operation.  Told her bluntly he didn't care if she was a cop, that he didn't want to have sex with her, he just needed someone to look at while he wrote a physical description.  Paid her three hundred bucks for it.  Took him about twenty minutes.  They couldn't arrest him because he hadn't hired her for sex."

"That's strange," Espisito complained.

"He was stuck on how to describe someone physically and it's not like he could base it on Tara.  There's no law about hiring art models or about staring at someone in their underwear.  She suggested he hit a strip club and he pointed out he didn't want to write any sores into it or any drunken behavior since she was supposedly a holy warrioress."

Beckett shook her head quickly.  "They let her do it?"

"She asked her commander and apparently he said that modeling wasn't against the law. He talked to the kid, who told him why.  Kid bought her dinner, paid for the motel room for an hour, and left her there when he was finished with it."  He shrugged.  "I'm told she said he was classy about it, didn't do more than seem geeky.  Didn't seem threatening.  She still had her wire on from earlier, which he agreed to and helped her put it back on."

She walked off rubbing her forehead.  She was going to hate hearing that name sometime soon.  Maybe his mother and daughter could help him return to normal.  Quickly.  Before her brain started to bleed from the strange things.

***

Paula hung up with someone, resisting the urge to thump her head on the desk.  She got up and got herself a drink from the mini-fridge in the corner, sitting down to sip the water slowly, keeping herself calm for a few more minutes.  She finally came up with a plan of action to solve the dilemma Xander kept giving her.  She called Tara.  She was a girl, she probably knew how to shop.  Then again she wore long, unfashionable skirts.

"Tara,  Paula.  I need pictures of everything Xander has in his closet.  Because the last reporter I had him talk to remarked on his less than professional clothes and his babbling response of he needed to be comfortable or he'd get nervous, babble, and make her find a tape recorder that could slow down," she finished, taking another sip of her water.

"This way I know where to send him to enhance his wardrobe."  She listened to her quiet remarks on how Xander hated to shop thanks to Buffy and Willow.  "Well, tough, dear.  He's going to have to do some.  He has to be presentable.  Remember, he's in the public eye and if he looks too much like a grungy construction worker they'll remark on it."  She smiled at her assurance she'd tell him to go shop.

"No, I believe I can find him some help from a personal shopper but I need a photo set of everything in his closet.  Yes, the decent and the ugly," she agreed.  She finished her water and tossed out the bottle.  "Thank you, Tara.  Who?"  She nodded once.  "That may help, yes.  Thank you for that suggestion."  She hung up and looked in Xander's biography file, finding that number.  "Good morning, this is Xander's agent, Paula.  No, nothing tragic but I'm about to strangle the boy.  Is Cordelia there please?  I think she might have some insight."

Whoever had answered called her a few times until she took the phone.  "Miss Chase, Paula.  Yes, his agent.  Because he went to an interview wearing some very unprofessional clothes.  The reporter remarked on it and told me about it."  She smiled.  "I'll make him buy you airfare," she said bluntly.  She laughed.  "That may be the most help, yes.  Professional enough, at least one suit.  He'll be meeting fans sometime soon so it has to be comfortable enough for his tastes yet professional enough that people like him in it.  Thank you.  Let me know when you can come out in the next few days."  She hung up and rubbed her eyes.  She called her favorite personal shopper to set up an appointment for the young one.

Between him and Cordelia, they could bully Xander into real clothes.

She'd tell Xander the day before so he couldn't forget.

***

Xander trudged into the shop he had been sent to.  Guys like him didn't shop at Nordstrom's.  They shopped at Sears.  Maybe JC Penny's.  He followed his agent's directions and found the personal shopper office.  "Hi, my agent is forcing me to shop and want to commit suicide by suit.  She made me an appointment.  My last name is Harris."

The receptionist smiled at him.  "It's not as bad as it was ten years ago."

"Bet me.  Suits are for strangling yourself or court."  She giggled, looking him up.  She paged his shopper, letting him sit down on the very comfortable couch.  It was a cozy place to await his doom.  A few minutes later a young man in a trendy suit, stylish haircut, and loud tie walked in and smiled at him.  He grimaced back.

"Just because I have a personal sense of style doesn't mean I'll force it on you, Mr. Harris," he assured him with a smile.  He sat across from him, opening the file his client had sent him.  "Your agent sent you to buy at least a suit."

"She handed me my advance on my next book and told me I had better shop it all away because being comfortable embarrassed her."

"Some people are picky," the guy agreed.

"I write fantasy and sci-fi stuff.  They're not that picky."

"Probably true but there's also business dinners and those things."

"I guess."  He grimaced.  "I don't have many of those either."

"Dates?"

"Evil girls only want me *out* of the clothes, not in them."  His phone rang.  "Sorry."  He answered.  "Please tell me this is an emergency before the personal shopper guy puts me in a strangling suit?" he begged.  "Cordy?  Nordstrom, why?"  He winced.  "That figures.  Please.  The personal shopper area.  How long?"  He beamed.  "Thank you."  He hung up.  "My very fashionable ex-girlfriend.  It's nothing against you but suits just aren't the guy I am."

"Not everyone is," he assured him.  "Did you work before you started to write?"

"And during it.  Construction, some dead end jobs to make the bills.  I really liked construction."

"Okay, so you're very casual.  I'll stay away from the traditional things.  I know it's summer so we'll focus on that and you can come back here and get your file to help you pick out some winter things, like sweaters, so she can't complain."  Xander beamed at that.  He could see the allure of this young one.  "Now, what is your budget?"

"She gave me my advance, which is about five grand?  I've got more if I have to.  I know suits are sucky and expensive."

"Some aren't always that expensive.  There's some very good choices in the more casual suits that're now under a thousand.  Some that're even under four hundred."  The boy cheered up a bit at that.  "Where was the last place you shopped?"

"Salvation Army.  I do a lot of bargain shopping because my stuff has to be able to be moved in, expendable if it can't be cleaned, and it's got to be loose enough so I can defend myself if necessary."

"Okay.  I can work with those restrictions."  A young brunette woman walked up to them.  "Is this the one we're waiting on?"

"It is."  He got up to give her a hug.  "Save me?" he begged.

She smirked.  "She paid my airfare to come help you, Xander."  She patted him on the head once he had fallen back down and groaned.  "I know she told me professional looking yet he'll want casual.  I know he's to get at least one suit."

He nodded.  "That's what I was told as well.  She also had someone take pictures of what's in his closets."

She snorted, waving a hand.  "We already know.  I even know the two girls who traumatized him so much by making him help them shop."  She hauled Xander up.  "I've got a good idea of where to start."  He smiled and walked out with them.  "What are you thinking for suits?"

"Boss?"

"A bit too preppy.  He's very much the ugly shirt guy and baggy jeans."

"Hmm.  He still has some that could work.  The suit jackets are all coming down to the hip area so he won't have to worry about the length issues.  That can make you look shorter and fatter," he told the boy when he got glanced at.  Xander pointed.  "No, much too stiff," he assured him.

Cordelia smiled.  "I was thinking Canali or Varvastos Star USA's lines."

"That's very casual," he agreed.  "Yet formal enough for suits."  Xander moaned and walked over to a shirt, hugging it.  He smiled.  "I think we can start here."

She looked up at the sign then sighed.  "Yes, Tommy Bahama has many ugly print shirts he'll like.  All in silk.  Xander, put that back, you'll look bad in it."  He pouted, holding it out.  "No puppy eyes, mister, or I'm paddling you right here."  She put that shirt back and walked him over to another section.  "Camp shirts are like dress shirts, only these are in silk, they're lightweight, and they look nice."  She looked at him.  "Silk is stronger than cotton and dry cleaners are amazing at stains."

"They're expensive," he pointed out.  "A hundred-twenty-eight for a shirt?"

"That won't tear easily even if you're mugged," she said, staring at him.  "And see, it does come in prints.  That 'Bahama Forest' one is nice enough.  Subtle prints.  They can be paired with pants or shorts."

"I get to wear shorts?" he asked.

"It'll be really hot, Xander, and they do make professional looking shorts.  Even in this line.  Still silk too."  She pointed.  "See?"  He beamed at her, giving her a hug.  "You wrinkle me, you're redressing me," she assured him, cracking up their helper.  "He knows better."  She got Xander what he needed, letting their helper hold things for now.  The shorts got looked over.  "Twill, not jeans.  Paula said professional."

"They have colored jeans.  Or at least black ones.  I'll look good."

"Sure."  He got those in his size.  "You're trying it on.  You've gained some muscle."

"Yes, Cordy.  I expected that."  She smirked at him, pinching him hard.  "Ow!  Wench!  Keep it up, watch me put you in as a tavern worker," he said, staring at her.  She just smirked.  "I can."

"I'll still have the temple to my magnificence," she said bluntly.  "Twill.  Tiki bay camp shirts.  Key grip shorts instead of the shore things shorts."  He pulled them out in his size.  "The double pleated look more like dress pants, get them.  Don't you dare reach for those ugly plaid or printed shorts either."

"Yes, Cordy."  She sent him in to try things on, having to come out to get things in a bigger size.  "I'm getting fat."

"You've gained abs," she said, looking him over.  "That's not fat.  That's 'the scenes aren't going so I'm doing situps'."  She left him in there, going back to look over a few more things.

"Shirts are still too tight," Xander called.  "I can't move my arms very well."  She sighed and got him a bigger size, bringing it in to him.  He beamed and that was better.  She corrected some and went to get the 'big' instead of the 'regular' of those that were too sloppy looking.  She came back to make him try those on.  Then she let their personal helper put those into his basket.  "Which suit place first?"

"John Varvastos Star I think," he decided.  "They have a wonderfully semi-expensive cashmere jacket that could go over the pleated pants and those shirts.  Plus their suits are a bit less expensive.  Canali are running around fifteen hundred."  She nodded at that.  "We're near shoes, is there anything you can see him in?"

She looked at Xander.  "Practical.  He has to have boots for some things."  She walked him over there.  "Xander, heel."

"We can pay for those upstairs?" he asked, following.

"Yes."

Xander looked at the shoes.  "I've had whole years worth of clothes that didn't cost that much," he complained.

"That's a good line," Cordelia said.  "A few different practical boots for when you want them, some slip ons, and an oxford style.  Bed Stu," she read.  "I'll have to remember that.  Pick."

He grimaced at her.  "They're expensive."

"So?"  She shrugged.  "They'll last you for years if you treat them well."

"Fine.  You'd better be right.  For practical, I like the Declaration boots.  They've got the toe stitching and don't look as fancy.  The short romeo boot is a bit ...dressy for my tastes."

"Slip on?" she asked.  "Or tie up?"

"I like the rockafella slip on," he admitted.  "Or the royce.  I think that one might come up too high and bother my ankle though."

"We can try them on to make sure," their helper said.  "What size do you normally wear?"  Xander pointed.  He sat down to try them on, nodding he liked his choices.  Cordelia added them to the basket their helper was pulling.  "That's good.  Let's go to the other side of the floor."  He smiled and walked them off, taking them over there.  "Varvastos does also do some less formal shirts, Mr. Harris.  Including a henly and a few things like cardigans. Which are fully zipping hoodies without the hood," he told him.

"Willow used to wear them."  He pointed. "That's the other one she wanted, right?"

"Yes, but their suits are a lot more expensive and I think they're cut about the same as these are.  They do have some nice dress shirts and ties so we can pause to pick up a few for your suits later on, once we know what color you're getting."  He led them to the line he wanted them to see.  "These are fairly slim."

"He's too bulky for that look," Cordelia said, pointing at another.  "As much as I hate it, Xander does have good upper body muscles."

He grinned at her.  "Jealous?"

"Not hardly.  Girls shouldn't look like construction workers.  Even if we can use swords," she shot back with an evil look.  He grinned.  "Yes, Angel's teaching me," she sighed, turning around again.  Their shopper was trying hard not to laugh.  "He can use a battle axe or a sword.  It shows in his arms."

"I'm sure it does."  He looked over his current baggy shirt.  Then he picked up a larger size.  "We can have them fitted down easier than adding more material.  Try that on," he told Xander.  Who trudged closer.  "It's cashmere, not itchy, Mr. Harris."  He nodded, trying that on.  "I think this line will suit you very well."  He checked the fit, nodding some.  "Let's see about suits.  The chester or the soho?"

"They have vests," Xander said.

"The vests can be worn over regular pants," Cordelia told him.  "Thereby dressing it up."  She held them up.  "Chester.  It's not patterned so it'll be fashionable longer."  He got it in Xander's size, making him go try it on.  "That cashmere jacket is a handy wardrobe basic," she decided, adding it to the basket.

"He was worried about his budget," he told her quietly.

She snorted, shaking her head.  "He has more."

"I'd like to not be broke," Xander said as he came out.  "This?"

"That looks good," Cordelia admitted.  "Jacket's a bit tight across the shoulders though."  She came over to shift it on his shoulders.  "That's a good thing for dates, Xander."

"If you say so."

"I do.  After all, I'm Queen C, I know all."

"But when birthdays are?" he guessed.

"That I have a calendar for."  She looked at him.  "I decided to bring yours out in person.  It's in my bag."  She looked at their helper.  "It shouldn't run more than a hundred over."

"No, probably not."  He got a fitter over to look it over, and they made Xander get the next size up so they could properly tailor it.   He seemed happier with the baggy pants but tough.  He should want to show off that ass.  He had clearly worked hard for it.  They got him sorted out and Xander did indeed pay the extra hundred-fifty-nine dollars.  It was a good sale.  Miss Chase got the bags, and her bag from upstairs, and they left together.  He smiled, filing his notes for now.  He also called his client back to tell her how it had went.  She was out so he had to leave a message.

***

Xander walked into his book signing in a nice, modest camp shirt and nice pair of shorts, taking off his sunglasses.  "Hi, guys," he told the bookstore staff, grinning at them.  "I'm here to sign things."

"Mr. Harris?" one asked.  He nodded.  She looked him over.  "You'll be comfortable for hours.  Good choice.  So many authors come in wearing a suit and tie."

"Not my thing no matter how often my agent tries," he assured her, making her laugh.   "Where do you want me?"  She pointed at a table and he walked over, getting a small pillow for the very hard wooden chair.  She changed it with his help to one of the reading chairs.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome.  Thank you for being on time."

"I'd hopefully call if I was running too late."  Paula was let in.  "Hey, lady."

"What are you wearing?" she asked.

"Silk."  He smirked.  "Cordelia liked this outfit."  He stood up to let her see.  "Comfortable, professional.  I'm told that it's acceptable in offices.  It's not one of the print ones, I'll do that later this summer."  She grimaced.  "It's comfy.  It's silk."

"Fine.  That'll do.  If I send you on an interview, wear pants, Xander."

"It's ninety plus humidity outside, Paula.  I'm not going to make myself miserable and bring down my fans."  He sat down again.  "Speaking of, I didn't see too many.  Or hear that radio ad."  She groaned, going to check on that.  He shrugged at the workers, who all smiled.  "First critical success."

"It's reasonable."  They opened the front doors.  No one rushed in.  Xander looked at his back cover, grimacing at the blurb about him.  It sounded really bland and normal.  Like his cover story was supposed to.  He called a few places.  "Hi, it's Harris.  Yes, that Harris."  He smiled.  "I'm doing a book signing today at Wonder Books."  He looked up.  "That's right, right?"  She nodded, smiling at him and leaving him alone.  "Paula swore it was on the website and the radio, but I never heard it.  Noonish.  Thanks, man."  He hung up on them.  They were Andrew's east coast friends and counteragents to the geek trio.

"Remember, you're pimping the paranormal book," Paula told him.

He looked at her.  "If they come up with another book, I'm not going to refuse to sign it, Paula.  The fans are paying my bills.  I'm not going to be ungrateful."

"I can agree with that but we want them to buy the paranormal book because it's on the best seller's list.  That makes both of us more money."

"Which I adore but I'm pretty sure we'll get some for Tral instead."

"Probably," she sighed.  "I don't mind that, Xander.  I really don't, but we're pushing this one today."

"Of course we are.  I get that."  She smiled and relaxed.   "But as long as it's mine I'm just happy they're buying."

"I can agree to that."  She heard a squeal and got out of the way, going back to the magazine section.  It was nearby in case something happened.

Xander beamed at her.  "My first fan signing's first person!  Hi!"

"Alexian Harris."  She beamed.  "I love Tral!"

"Cool!"  He picked up a pen.  "What's your name?"  He grinned at her.

"Misty.  Only one 'y'."

He signed it and winked at her.  "Six months for book two."

"Excellent."  She looked at the new one.  "You write paranormal hunting stuff?"

"Yeah.  That one just came out about a month and a half ago."  He smiled.  "It's not bad.  I've had a lot of people who liked it."

"Which do you like better?"

"You know, I don't really think about it or I'll get stuck.  I like the jokes in Tral but for action that series is better."

"Huh."  She picked it up to look at the blurb on the inside cover.  "Maybe when it's in paperback.  That way it's cheaper."  She bounced off.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome.  I love my fans."  He grinned at Paula.

"It's a complaint we hear a lot," she promised.  "I've already had the person that didn't get the radio spots set up fired."

"Ow.  I'm sorry for them."

"I'm not.  She screwed up and there's plenty that won't.  I'll schedule another one or get you into another author's.  I think there's a multi-author signing soon."  She checked on that, sighing in pleasure when that was set up.   She looked over Xander's outfit.  "Did Tara like that?"

"Yup.  So did her kitty since she tried to steal the bags as a napping spot."  The worker shelving books giggled at that.  He grinned.  "She loves the hanging organizer in my closet as a napping spot too.  I open my closet and there's a kitty stuffed in it, tail up, snoring."

The worker walked off giggling.  A few more people came in but none came for him.  "Don't you dare pull out your laptop," Paula warned.  "There's no way we could pull you out of writing."

"Yes, Paula.  Who crapped in your cheerios today and can I go beat them up for you?"

She smirked at him.  "I'd let you but I already made him miserable."

"Pity."

"No print shirts."

"Remember, I write sci-fi and fantasy, Paula.  I'm not Castle.  My fans don't expect a suit.  They expect elf ears and klingon foreheads."

"Still, no print shirts."

"Fine."

"Thank you.  You do look comfortable in it."

"It's not bad.  Not itchy."

"The suit?"

"It's in alterations."

"Uh-huh.  Check on it on the way home, Xander."

"I will," he sighed.  "Or really Tara will.  She said she would."

"Good.  I like that she has sense."  She looked him over again.  "The shorts don't look too bad.  That line has some atrociously printed shorts."

"Which I liked but I'd never wear silk just for every day things," he quipped back.  "You paid for Cordelia to come out?"

"We have a small fund to help writers with their professional image.  That did."

He grinned.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  You did pay the personal shopper but that was only sixty bucks."  He stared her down.  "You needed it and it'll help later on when we get winter.  Remember, we have seasons here."

"Yay," he said flatly.  "Tara will be overjoyed and Miss Kitty will go storm spastic all winter long."  She smirked and nodded.  Someone came over and he smiled.  "Hi."

"Hi."  She picked up the book to look at it.  "Newly out?"

"This one, yes.  It's climbing on the best seller's list but I'm still working on getting a good fanbase."  He smiled.  She smiled back.  "I've got three other, more traditional, fantasy novels around here somewhere."

"Interesting."  She went to look those up.

Xander caught his agent staring and looked at her, getting waved off in response to his pointed look.  He went to find a book of his own, buying it and coming back.  The ladies were very nice.  More of his fans trooped in.  He looked over.  "This multi-author thing.  Who's going to be there?"

"A few better known authors."  She smiled.  "You'll do fine."

"I'm more worried about having to sit next to authors who have nothing to do with my genre."

She considered it.  "They are mostly true life and action writers," she admitted.

"Which might make my fans feel very odd."

"Maybe.  I'll figure it out, Xander."  He nodded so she told her assistant to figure that out for her.  She canceled him at that event and got him scheduled for one with science fiction writers.  That was closer to his fanbase and less screaming hordes from higher liked authors.  Some of them were more mean to their fans but Xander would look sweet in comparison.  She hoped.  He seemed a bit squealy about his fans.  Still.  She'd have to get Tara to work on him about that.

***

Xander walked into the next event.  "My agent Paula told me to show up for the second wave?" he asked the person watching the authors.

He turned to look at him.  "Who're you?"

"Alexian Harris."

"Oh, him.  Dwarf jokes."

"And a hunting series, and space vampires, and the more traditional quest."  He smiled, handing over the orders from Paula.

The man looked it over.  "I see she did want you to do a second wave starting."  He pointed.  "There you go.  They just left."

"Thanks.  Books?"

"They should be in the back.  Let me get them."

Xander walked over, smiling at the people.  "Hey, Misty," he said, spotting her.  He sat down.  The other publisher got his box of prepared books and a name sign.  He put it up and a few came over.  Xander held up a finger and went to get the other ones to put together.  That got a few more fans over.  He smiled at the first one.  "That way people know I'm not a one trick pony."  She laughed.  "What's your name?"

"Cynthia."

"Hi."  He took her book to sign.  "Make it out to you?"

"Yes please, Mr. Harris."

"Alexian is fine, Cynthia.  I look around for Mr. Harris when I'm called that."  He signed it with a flourish and handed it back with a smile.  "There you go."  She bounced off.  "Hi," he told the next one.  She let him sign it.  "Who am I signing it to?"

"Mrs. Harris?" she suggested.

He looked up.  "Not yet, but I'm single," he quipped.  "Though only bad girls like me."  She giggled and took her book, walking off clutching it to her chest.

"It took me years to get someone making that request," the author next to him said.

Xander grinned.  "I only date bad girls.  They never wait."  The other author smirked back.  "Hi, I read your stuff when I was in high school, sir."

"That's good to know."  They shook hands and got back to signing things.  Xander's fans did start a second wave of fans coming in so the other authors were happy enough to sign more things.  They had a lot more fans than Xander did but that was reasonable since he hadn't been doing it as long as they had.  One came over to look at his books, making Xander nearly hyperventilate since it was an author he adored.  The guy winked and let him sign a copy for him then he bought it and left the event.  The fans all cooed at that and he was a happy boy.  One who'd get ice cream later that night.  Well, maybe not since someone came in with a shotgun and threatened a cashier.  Xander looked up from signing, sighing in displeasure.  "Guys, shift left," he ordered quietly.  A few looked and helped their friends.  He pointed at one and she got moved.  He pulled out something and threw it at the guy, getting his attention so he could shoot him with the paintball gun.  "Idiot!  Don't threaten our fans!  They're nice people.  It's stupid to want to rob a store in the middle of a big crowd."  The man huffed off.  He put his paintball gun back in his holster and smiled.  "I hate that sort of stupid people.  One tried to mug me the other day.  I'm sure the officers were very nice when they got him off the top of the pole he climbed to get away from me beating him for it."  He smiled.  "What's your name?"

"Um, Helen?"

"Hi, Helen.  I'm sorry he was so dumb and threatened to do violence in front of you guys.  One 'l' or two?"

"One."

He smiled as he signed it, making her happy again.  One of the other authors looked down at him but Xander shrugged.  "Paintball is legal."  That got a snicker from the other end of the table.  He grinned down at them.  "It's a side effect of dating bad girls."  The rest cracked up at that.  He winked at the next girl in line, signing her book.  The next one didn't have a book.  "No book?"

"Can you sign my chest, Alexian?"

"Wow, my first body part signing," he said with a teasing grin.  "Sure."  He picked up a marker instead.  "Where do you want it?"  She pointed.  "Just my name?  I have no idea about the etiquette of signing bodies."

"Please."  He signed and she beamed, kissing him before bouncing off.

Xander grinned.  "Wow.  That was really cool."  The others in the lines giggled at that but he didn't get any more propositions.  Paula showed up at the end of the event but he was clearing his line.  The others were going home.  He got finished his last few and a few came over to look at his books.  They got him to sign them and it was nice.  Paula waited until they were all gone to look at him.  "I got to sign my first body part."

"Wonderful."  She smiled at him.  "You're a nice guy, Xander."

"Thank you.  I do try.  Did they tell you about the robber guy?"

"No," she said.  "What did you do?"

"Paintball?"  She swatted him.  "It's legal!"

"Yes it is," she sighed, cracking up the workers.

"Here, let me help," Xander told one, helping move the tables back into their usual spots.  They all smiled at him for that kindness.  Then he walked out with Paula.  "We did good today."

"We did do good today.  It was very...nice of you to wait for all your fans to finish up too."

"Of course I appreciate my fans, Paula.  I would be handling an apocalypse and doing construction otherwise."  He grinned.  "I'm not going to snub them for being the last few in line."

"Alexian Harris?" one young woman asked.

"Yes I am."  He smiled at her.  "What can I do for you?"

"Sign please?" she asked, holding up a clipboard.

Xander looked at it.  "Why are you delivering legal papers?  It doesn't say from who."  She handed him the envelope.  He looked at it and signed the clipboard.  "Thank you."  She nodded and walked off.  He opened it then snorted and handed it to her.  "I have no idea who that is."

"I'll handle it, Xander.  Don't worry about it.  We have people on staff for these things."  He nodded at that, helping her into a cab.  Then he went down to his car.  She swore all the way back to her office to deal with it.  She hated it when people took credit for things that weren't theirs.  There's no way this guy was legit.  She looked him up, he had another complaint in the system.  And Xander had another one coming it looked like.  That one was more iffy but clearly not the same thing.  She got their legal department to start work on it.  That one had went to the other company so she called them to warn them as well.  They were smaller and didn't have a legal department.

***

Xander walked into the meeting room two days later, shaking hands with someone.  "Didn't you get that straightened out with my original agent?" he asked, shocking Paula.

"You still used our concepts, Harris."

"No, I didn't."

"This lead character is clearly based off...."

"My ex-girlfriend's father?  Yes," he said, interrupting them.  "If yours was, I'm not surprised.  Though I'm sure there's plenty like him in the world."

"Who was that?" he asked.

"I was dating Cordelia Chase at the time.  Her father Patrick is the basis for that character.  In fact, I didn't know about your card game until *after* that got published.  I was a bit busy that year and the year before so I didn't have enough time to game."  He stared him down.  "You guys tried this crap with Chuck and got told to drop it then because it wasn't really true.  I don't care if your franchise is falling."

"They're in clans."

"Of course.  Clans make hunting easier.  Hunting alone can get you killed."

"You seem to know something about that but you don't look too goth," he sneered.

"No, I did know a few of them in Sunnydale though."  The man flinched.  Xander stared him down.  "Yeah, I know about the various clans, families, family clans, and individuals and how they work," he said bluntly.  "I still didn't know a thing about your stuff until *after* that was published and it never caught your attention through two other short stories."

"I, um..."  He looked at his lawyer, who shrugged.  "Prove it."

"Prove it how?  You want me to ask someone about when they introduced me to the card game?"

"Well...  The tv show?"

"There was a tv show?"

"It was fairly popular," he defended.

"Not like I had control of the tv in the house.  My family didn't exactly settle down to watch shows together.  They got to complain too much while drunk."  The man flinched back at that.  "So no, I have no clue what you're thinking.  Plenty of others write vampires in clans too."

"Your clans do bear a marked resemblance."

"How?"

"The clan with seers?"

"Each clan has a seer if they can," he corrected.  "Yes, there's a *family clan* of them that others want to work for them.  The same as the ones with magic will be eventually.  It's not the same sort of clans.  Not the same sort of structure.  No royalty, no psychos.  No street thugs because I know more about them from watching someone play multiple ones.  These are more made family and mates.  Which is a lot like a lot of others out there."

"We still say you're too close," the lawyer stated.

"That's fine, you can say that all you want, it doesn't mean it's true.  The same as it wasn't before."

"The various clans do relate back somewhat to ours."

"No, they're more grouped by skill base than personality or bloodline."  He stared him down.  The man backed away from him by a few steps.  "Yes, power calls to power.  Same as energy calls to energy in physics.  I'm told that's what bonds cells and atoms together."  Paula gave him an odd look.  "Isn't it?"

"That's a simplistic way of putting it."

"Not like I took physics, Paula."  He looked at them again.  "Prove one character or any group is based off yours."

"The biggest space ship?"

"They built it.  And no, they're not the most powerful clan.  If you guys had read the short stuff you'd know that Majera is the strongest family grouping."  He smirked.  "In both power, wealth, and scary people."

"Where was that?"

"This book has mention of them, the engineer was trained by their ship," Paula said.  Xander nodded.  "Also his third short story?"

"Second in the series, third overall," he agreed, sitting down. "Is about the meeting of the various groups and ships.  A celebration of the Majera's crew all being bonded finally."  Paula pulled it out of her bag and handed it down.

"How did you get this description of the beast they're eating?"

"It's an eight foot rabbit with gazelle horns," Xander said.  Which wasn't fully true.  It was a demonic eight foot rabbit with poisonous gazelle horns.  Vampires apparently really loved to eat them.  "They're stupid but dangerous, therefore hunted as a delicacy since they're so rare now."  He looked at Paula.  "Wouldn't the emo vampires be closer to their concepts?"

"Probably but they've got a huge fanbase and you don't so you're easier," she said.

He hummed but nodded, understanding that reason.  He glared when they looked at him.  "Like I said, not based on your concepts.  Sorry."

"How many people in your former town played our games?"

"Four that I know of.  Sunnydale wasn't really a gaming town."  The non-lawyer swallowed at that name.  The other stared at him in horror.  "What?"

"You know others who ....deal with the clan concept?"

"Personally?  You mean like one who was dating an Aurelius?  Or like making their own clans?"

The lawyer swallowed and nodded.  "You know someone who was dating in that family?"

"Yeah, tiny, blonde girl named Buffy."  That got a flinch.  "By the way, I'm her friend Xander."

"Then you're right, it's not based on our things.  We're sorry to have annoyed you," the lawyer said, handing back the papers and leaving with his client.

Xander looked at the closed door then at Paula.  "I didn't think most vamps sucked blood like lawyers.  Lawyers are usually more like leeches.  That's really strange."

"He was?" she asked.

"Or he knew since he got the hint that I hunted," he said quietly.  He stood up.  "Shall we get ice cream to celebrate this nice admission of it wasn't us?"

"Sure," she decided.  "I can find some nice fat free ice cream."

"Paula, splurge.  It's not like you're going to get fat from a single scoop of ice cream with toppings.  Don't make me tie you down and make you eat real ice cream.  You might turn evil like some of my dates."

She snorted but let him lead the way to the nearest ice cream shop.  "I need to keep my shape, Xander."

"You look decent in that, but a bit frosty and maybe a bit toward accountant or librarian."

"I do not."

"You look kinda uptight, Paula.  Love you for pulling out the scary clothes though."  He grinned.  He walked her inside.  "She wants a scoop of real ice cream no matter what she says," he told the cashier.

"I don't need the extra calories."

"Do an extra ten minutes on the treadmill, Paula.  Enjoy the day for once."  He ordered his own and the guy got Paula her scoop of ice cream, without toppings.  Xander had gotten extra so he put some on top of hers, earning a dirty look.  "If one scoop of ice cream is going to make you fat, then you're not eating right," he assured her.  "At least you're not trying for so skinny you look like a biology skeleton with skin."  He ate a bite, staring at her.  "Enjoy, Paula.  You probably haven't let yourself enjoy simple things for a while.  Since the divorce I heard rumors about."

"I do enjoy things, Xander.  I shop for stress relief."

"That's a thing, Paula, not a simple pleasure.  A simple pleasure is a warm blanket on a chilly night or being able to relax and put your feet up with a cup of cocoa."  He looked at her.  "You're going to have a heart attack or a stroke and then we'll all lose you if you don't relax sometimes."

"I do just fine," she said firmly.

He stared at her.  "Then turn off your phone's alarm."  He ate another bite while she huffed.  "You need to relax sometimes."

"I have spa treatments for those times."

"Wonderful.  When was your last one?"  She glared at him now.  "I ask because before we went in, you looked like you were having a blood pressure spike.  I could see the vein in your neck, Paula.  That's not normal," he said quietly.  "Those of us who like you for being more than our editor would hate it if you died on us."

"Us?" she asked.

"I think I can even speak for your ex on that point," he admitted.  He ate another bite.  "He was giving your back worried looks the other day when we ran into him out for coffee."

"I think he was more worried about who you'll date next," she quipped.

"I don't think so.  His partner maybe."  She snorted but dug in.  He smiled, eating his own ice cream.  He passed something over at the end.  "Tara sent that since it's been nearly a year since you took me on.  She decided it's an anniversary we should celebrate."  He got up and threw out his trash.  "Have a more easy afternoon, Paula."  He left.

She was still mad he was butting into her personal life but she supposed it was sweet of him in some ways.  But she could take care of herself.  She was a strong, modern woman.  She opened the card.  It had a small gift certificate for a pedicure.  She smiled.  Tara was more subtle even if the card did mention that Paula had looked stressed.  She put it into her purse and finished her guilty treat, going to find her ex husband to nag him some more for his newest book.  She found him at home.  "Rick."

He looked at her.  "You look better today."

She gave him an odd look.  "What?"

"Last week you looked like you were a caffeine zombie and barely alive, outside of the flushing from the high blood pressure."  He let her in, closing the door behind her.  "How did it go?"

"They decided it wasn't what they thought and apparently knew about his past."  She looked at him.  "He nagged me!"

"Good.  You needed it.  I was about to have Mother kidnap you to a spa."  He sipped his coffee.

"You were going to what?"

He put her in front of the mirror.  "That redness and this point where your vein is jumping is a bad thing," he told her bluntly.  "It means your blood pressure is so high it can burst a vein."  He let her go and went to sit down.  "It's good that you relaxed some from the other night."

She sighed, looking at him.  "I'm fine."

"Good.  See someone about your blood pressure before I have to find a new agent and a new ex."

"Evil bastard," she sneered.

He nodded.  "Now and then."  He smirked.  "Isn't that why we dated?"  She huffed out.  He grinned.  Someone was going to get yelled at but that was fine.  She needed the release.

***

Xander knocked on the door later that night.  "She yelled at me for telling her to indulge and making her relax.  Tara knocked her out for a nap, which apparently she desperately needed.  She's still huffy and threatening so she's yours."  He handed her over, making Castle groan at her weight.  "Sorry, construction meant building arm muscles.  She should sleep the rest of the night."  He left, going back home.  He was her ex, he could handle her.  Xander wasn't going to allow any woman to be that pissed at him when he didn't do anything wrong.

Castle put her on the couch and took off her shoes, then covered her with the blanket his mother handed him.  "Thanks," he said quietly.

"The poor girl clearly needs it," she said, going up to her room.

He looked down at her.  "I need whatever Tara used for the next time I can't sleep," he decided.  He went to his office.  For some reason whenever he ran into Harris he got ideas.  Not always good ones but definite ideas.  He'd have to figure that out some day.  Paula moaned so he went out to calm her back down.  She smiled in her sleep and lost that pinched look she had worn recently.  It was better for her.  Even if she would beat them both to death for it.

***

Paula walked into the office area after her shower and changing.  "I'm going to beat you both."

He looked up, saving by force of habit.  "You look better today."  She glared.  "You do.  I called your assistant to tell her you were resting and feeling a bit ill yesterday so she could reschedule anything, but you do look a lot better."

She sat down.  "I'm fine."

He looked at her.  "Then use my mother's blood pressure machine, Paula."  He dug it out and handed it over.  "You know what it should be."  She grimaced but used it.  "It goes on your wrist."  He got back to writing.  "I want to know why Harris always sets off ideas."

"Anything good?' she asked.

"Many."  He looked up at the beep, seeing her look.  He looked at the reading.  "They put you on emergency medicine for that," he said quietly.  "We don't want to lose you."

"That's what he said."  She handed it back.  "You two are still neanderthals about women."

"No, we both appreciate strong women, but sometimes being so strong means that you're ignoring yourself because it makes you feel weak," he corrected.

"All three of you are conspiring?" she asked.

"No.  Tara did ask what sort of thing you did at the spa."  He smiled.  "I scaled it back from your usual because I didn't want her to spend a whole paycheck on it."

"It's sweet of her," she decided.  "You and Xander are both on thin ice."

"Neither of us want to deal with you dying," he said bluntly.  "The kid might do something drastic and have someone call you back."

"There's other agents," she said dryly.

"I'm fairly certain that's not why he'd do it."  She gave him a dirty look.  "I do read people better than you do."

"Whatever."

He shrugged, going back to writing.   "The kid likes you as a person, not as an agent."

"If you say so."

He looked up at her.  "Would he nag someone he only liked as an agent?  Have Tara knock you out and carry you here?"

"He did?"

"Yes.  He handed you over from his arms."

"I didn't realize that."

"He didn't do anything inappropriate.  He treated you like he would Tara."

"Which is nice I suppose.  Still, it was butting in."  He stared at her.  "You might have rights to that, he doesn't."

"Uh-huh.  He gives a damn about you.  It's probably a special thing to have happen."  He got back to writing.  "Should I tell your assistant to make you a doctor's appointment?"

She huffed.  "I'm fine."

"I'm sure.  Your blood pressure was what again?"

She got up and stomped off.  He called her assistant anyway so the young woman could make her a nice appointment.  That way she could schedule it in and tell Paula the day it happened.

***

Tara walked up to the desk, clearing her throat quietly.  "Can I ask you a question?" she asked the man sitting there.

"Sure, Tara.  What's wrong?"  She glanced around.  "I'll be right back," he told the detective, walking out with her.  "What happened?"

She sighed, looking over at him.  "He hasn't written in weeks."

"Okay.  Any idea why?  Is he blocked again?"

She shook her head.  "No.  Not really.  I know it's apocalypse season so it's normal for his mind to know he'll need more time away from the keyboard, but I'm worried."  She looked down again.

He considered it.  "What did Paula snap at him about?"  She looked up at him.  He grimaced.  "She was complaining that he gave enough of a damn to try to help her out."

"Oh, no.  She hurt him because of that?"

"I don't know.  I'll talk to her later for you.  For now, how is he doing?"

"My cat's nearly bald from all the petting."  He smiled.  "He's joined a gym, Mr. Castle.  Before he'd get a bit stuck and work out in the living room or in his room, but he's joined an actual gym and is nearly too muscled to fit into the clothes she made him buy."

"Is this depression maybe?"

"I don't know.  I've never seen him depressed.  Upset, pissed, ready to kill someone, in overprotective mode, and even when he's got that 'someone's got to do it and if I die then so be it' mode.  I don't know what to do.  He won't even eat cookies."

"That's probably him being depressed.  Want me to talk to him?"

"If she did it, can I beat her?  I mean I'm not mean or anything but maybe a foam bat?"

"I think she's confused and doesn't know why anyone cares sometimes.  We had that problem before."  She gave him a gentle smile.  "Where are you two?"  She wrote their address out for him.  "I'll be there later, after I've helped out around here."  She nodded and gave him an impulsive hug before she trotted off.  He tucked the address into his pocket before walking inside.  He grabbed his phone and walked out.  He had to have a fit on someone.  "Do not make me pull out that belt you used to threaten to beat me with after I found out I had groupies," he said bluntly when she answered.  "Because you're being an evil bitch and you should want to date the kid instead of blocking him."  He hung up and went back inside.  "Sorry."

"She wasn't your usual sort of groupie," Beckett said dryly, looking up at him.

"I'm not sure what Tara reads."  She stiffened.  "Relax, it's not a problem.  An issue but not a real problem."

"I can handle things," she pointed out.  He stared at her.  "If you have to go, go."

"Yeah, I probably should.  You sure?"

"Of course.  Go.  Shoo."  She got back to her report.  He got up and grabbed his jacket, heading out to their place.  He looked up.  The porch was closed off so Tara was probably at work.  He walked up, noticing how the kid had done some work.  The outside looked like it was about to fall in but the inside had painted walls, cleaned hallways.  Doorways that didn't look like they'd fall in.  He found the right apartment and knocked.  Xander opened the door.  He stared at him.  "You do look like hell."  He noticed the cat staring at him.  "Hi, Miss Kitty."  Xander let him in and he looked around.  "Those look different than I expected."  He looked around the rest of the living room.  "Nicely renovated."

"Thank you.  Did I forget something like a signing?"

"No."  He looked at him.  "I'm here because I heard rumors."  He stared the kid down.  The kid sat down.  "Including one that you're back in the gym?"

"Yup.  It's apocalypse season and I slacked off most of the year."

"I doubt that, kid."  He sat down, looking him over.

"I didn't think you swung my way."

"I don't."  He looked into his face.  "Want the name of a good shrink?"

"Nope.  Why would I?"

"Depression."

"I'm...."

"Don't even try it, kid."  He leaned back.  The cat walked up to sniff him.  "Hi.  Alexis would pet you to death because she wants a pet."  He let her sniff his hand before petting her ears.  "You're a good friend to them, Miss Kitty."

"Tara talked to you?"  He got up.  "Want a soda or some instant coffee?"

"I'm good."  Xander got him a bottle of water, earning a smile.  "Thanks.  So, want to talk about it?"

"No, not really.  I'm waiting on the call from LA."

"Why?"

"Bad shit.  It's a late apocalypse season this year."  He shrugged a bit.  He turned off the tv.  "The crappy daytime cable is starting to get to me.  That's another good reason for the gym."

"Usually you can't be pulled away from your laptop.  Is it broken?"

"No.  Like I said, I'm waiting on a call."

Richard stared at him.  "And she had nothing to do with it?"

"Tara?"

"You're not that dumb, Xander."

"No, but...."  He shrugged.  "Right now it's not an issue.  The world ending could be."

"Uh-huh."  The cat hopped up next to him, letting him stroke her back.  "How long has it been since you wrote anything?"

"Don't know.  What did the rumors say?"

"Probably at least a month."

Xander considered it.  "Maybe.  I don't know.  I'm so far ahead they're not going to complain."

"It doesn't mean they won't worry."

"So who narked?"

"No one on your team, or mine.  Just rumors I heard."

Xander stared at him.  "Uh-huh," he said dryly, sipping his own water.  "It's cool.  Really.  I'll start writing again soon.  Once the problem in LA is done with."

"Writing isn't something that you can drop for a long time, kid.  The muscles get underused and you start sounding crappy.  I did that a few times."

He nodded.  "I know."

"Are you blocked?"

"No, it's just preparing for an apocalypse."

"Did you write during the last one?"

"I didn't have time between patrols and problems."

"Should I ask your editor that question?"  Xander glared at him.  He stared back.  "There's lots of people who're worried about you.  Enough to tell me."

"I'm fine," he assured him quietly, taking a drink.

"Why is it that whenever I'm around you I usually get hit with ideas and today I'm not?"

"That I don't know," Xander admitted.  "I thought I only screwed up prophecies and probabilities."

"No, usually your overactive muses hit mine pretty hard."  Xander let out a small smile at that fact.  "So far I haven't gotten a single hit."

"Maybe they'll hit you later, when you're at home."

"Probably not.  Really, I could use it because I'm in the middle of a scene and nothing's going on."

Xander looked at him.  "Kill off someone?"

"I can't, it's a seduction scene.  Otherwise I might have.  I did plenty of that during both divorces.  It was very stress relieving even if it didn't make it into any of the books."

"I don't want to kill anyone off right now."

"You could write out what's bothering you in other ways.  It's not like it's going to be seen if you don't want it to."

Xander shrugged.  "Maybe after the upcoming apocalypse."

"How bad is it going to be and will it be local?"

"Nope, and no clue."  He finished his water, tossing the bottle out.

"C'mon," he said, standing up.  The cat gave him a dirty look.  "Sorry."  He hauled the kid up.  "Grab things and let's go."

"I hate shopping."

"I'm not taking you shopping.  That's a girl thing.  Put on shoes and stuff."

"I can't go.  My phone's broken."

"I'm sure Tara can find you with her...gifts."  Xander nodded.  "They'll call her, right?"  Xander nodded but slower this time.  "Then it's covered."  He walked the boy out, driving him to his favorite place when he was down or upset.  He walked him into the bookstore, smiling at the people in there.

"You're Rick Castle," one older woman said with a smile.

"I am.  This is Alexian Harris.  He needed to find a good resource oriented bookstore for some reference materials."

"What do you write, dear?" she asked him.

"Sci-fi/fantasy."

"Ah.  Well it's not my genre but there's plenty around here on the second floor.  And the third floor has some *wonderful* reference works on the middle ages and the like."  She went to check out.

Castle smirked at the boy.  "See, you need to know about this place.  It's mostly used books too."  He walked him up to the sci-fi section.  A few of the people there stared at him in awe.  He pointed at Xander.  "This is ...."

"Alexian Harris," one said, smiling at him.

"What're you doing on this coast?" he asked her.

"Big bad, pain in my pony tail, and on and on and on," Buffy said dryly.  "I was going to stop by later."

"We've been waiting on a call.  Tara's at work."

"It's cool.  It's tomorrow."  She walked him over to some girls.  "I know only bad girls and evil girls like him but this is my buddy Alexian Harris."  They cooed and mobbed him to talk about the stuff he had written.  She walked over to Castle, staring at him.  "Who did it this time?" she asked quietly.  "He only looks like that when he's stuck."

"I don't know, he won't tell me.  I thought maybe being around people who like him would help.  It does me."  He smiled.  "Let me know when you're tired, Xander.  I'll be down in my section."  He walked down there, smiling and pulling out a pen.  "I need new ideas."  They all giggled and the ones buying his book got him to sign them.  He glanced up there but the boy was starting to relax and laugh. Though, to him it looked like a facade.  Which wasn't a bad idea for his stuck scene.  He made that note and put it in his pocket, getting back to the signing duties.  After a few hours he felt happier.  Fans and groupies did that to him.  The kid still looked a bit down but he also looked more determined.  "Let me drop you two off," he offered, smiling at Buffy.  Xander had to check out, he had a small stack of books for himself and possibly Tara since some were on herbal cures.  He heard the bad beep and sighed.  "Did she forget to pay you?"

"No, I used the old card instead of the new one," Xander complained.  "Sorry," he told the cashier.  "Tara switched our accounts recently when she thought someone got into them."

"Girlfriend?"

"No, she's like my little sister."  He smiled as he signed his receipt, handing her back her copy.  She bagged up his books and he was a happier boy.  He and Buffy got a ride back, finding Tara pacing.  Castle went home to explore that idea of his.  Xander went to stop her from pacing on the porch.  "Buffy's here."  She came in with him.  "So?" he asked.

She sighed, sitting down to pet the cat.  "It's bad."

"How can we help?" Xander asked.  "You know I'll be there if you need me to."

"Yeah, I know."  She smiled.  "Willow and I have a room at the Raddison.  Angel and his crew are busy in LA with her minions looking for something."

"What do we need to defeat her?" Xander asked.  "Spell, swords, artillery?"

"D, all of the above?' she offered.

Xander smiled, going to get into Tara's back closet.  She smiled at the thoughtful gift.  "I knew you had something to help."

"Probably."  He looked at Tara, who sighed but shrank it.  "Thank you."  He looked at the door.  "Kick that," he said quietly.  Buffy kicked it under the storage area that had a sheet over it while he went to the door.  "Hi," he said, smiling at the young girl there.  "Do I know you?"

"My dad knows you."  She held out a note.  "From Dad."  She smiled and walked off.

Xander looked at it then groaned.  "That's a later problem."  He put it in the kitchen on the counter top.  "Okay, let's deal with it."

"I can call Willow," Buffy said, pulling out her phone.

"We'll go there," Xander said.  She nodded, accepting that.  Tara got the weapon for them.  Xander got a few more things he put into the bags he used to move them stealthily.  They went down to their car and headed for the Raddison.  It was a long drive due to traffic.  "Why were you there, Buffy?"

"Willow said you'd be there today."  She shrugged.  "I don't know how."

"I guess that's cool," he decided.  He looked at Tara.  "How's her boy?"

"Not bad.  He's trying very hard to get her to give up the magic stuff for good unless it's an emergency."

"It might help her," Tara agreed quietly.  "I know I felt her the other day."

Xander glanced at her when they got paused by another light.  "Really?"

"Yup."  He shook his head, driving on. "So it's a what this time?"

"Worse than the mayor.  Did I tell you about my sister?"

"Yes," Xander said.  "Your mom did."  She laughed.  "Okay.  We can handle that."

"She's supposedly a hell God, Xander."

"Then how does she die?" he asked.  "Practical things, Buffy.  Can we stab her, blow her up?  What?"

"She's locked inside the body of a guy.  We have to make her revert 'cause then she's mortal."

"Spell work or punishment?"

"Punishment I think.  We can't find all that much on her or her powers.  We're going on observation."

"She can't find it online?" Tara asked.

"I wish but no.  The Council even came back to kiss our asses so I'd fix this."

"Ah hahahaha," Xander laughed.  "You flash some tit and say suck it?"

"Eww.  To Travers?  He might try!  Besides, that's a Faith thing to do.  I'm not that sort of girl, Xander."

"No, then you could hit him," he pointed out.

"Well, that might be good, yeah.  He rehired Giles."

"Excellent news for him.  What plan of the Council's does that further?"

"We don't know yet.  I'm hoping it's not another apocalypse right after this one.  Or a sacrifice."

"We all hope it's neither of those," Tara assured her.  She smiled at her.  "We'll help wherever we can, Buffy."

"I know.  Thank you, guys.  It's not an apocalypse without all of us getting messed up."

Xander snickered.  "I haven't been gooed on in weeks."  She snickered back.  "So, Tara, have a good talk with him?"

"Yes I did because you needed a hiney nudge."  She looked at him.  "Did it help?"

"I'm fine."

"Groo snot."

He sighed, shaking his head.  "Whatever."

"Uh-huh.  We'll talk after the apocalypse."

"If we must."   He pulled into the valet lot, getting out and grabbing the bags, tossing the valet the keys.  "Thank you."  He took the slip and walked upstairs with the girls.  "Tara, that thing?"  She patted her bag.  "Thank you."  Buffy let them in and he followed, holding the door for Tara.  "Okay, how bad?"  He paused when he saw who else was in there.  "We made up that much?"

"No," Buffy said, staring at the Head US Watcher.  "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to provide information support since you left your watcher on the other coast."

"He was needed to help with their apocalypse," she pointed out.  "We know what we need to do here."  She moved away from the door.  Tara put up an anti-listening shield, making Willow pout.  "Thank you, Tara."

"Welcome."  She looked at the head person.  "Why not send the one assigned to New York?"

"He's a research guy," Xander told her.  "Not a fighter.  Same as this one isn't."

"Are you going to date her, Mr. Harris?" he asked.

"I can kill your ass and not blink," he pointed out, smiling at him.  "It'd be my pleasure actually.  So sit down and shut up!"  The man gaped but did sit down and kept quiet.  "Thank you!"  He looked at Buffy.  "When, where, plans for the area so I can help plan the action?"

"As far as we know," she said, pulling out pictures.  "The locals said she's here."

Xander sat down at the small desk to go over it and the maps of the area.  "This is a sucky place," he said.  "Any idea if she got what she wanted?"

"No, not yet," Buffy said quietly, looking over his shoulder.  "What about here?"  She pointed.  "It's next door but we can lure maybe?"

"No.  Too dangerous.  If she's contained, then it'll be easier.  Less chance of outside interference since this town does know what it's doing."  He looked up at her, seeing the grim look.  "Really, they do."  He looked it over again.  "If I was being totally practical, I'd burn it."

"No can do," she agreed.  "We don't want it to spread."

"I know."  Someone pounded.  "Tara, can you please?"

Tara opened the door, staring at the very tall detective there.  "Yes, do we know you?"

"Not yet," he said, walking in and slamming the door behind him.  "Boy."

"I don't answer to that," Xander said, staring at him.  "Buffy, this is the head of the Counter Terrorism unit locally.  Captain Fitch, this is a really huge ass problem.  How would you like to kill it?"

"I'd like you to take this out of my city."  He snatched the plans, Buffy giving him the information they had.  "Who's the putz?"

"That depends on what you already know," Xander told him.  The captain stared at him.  He stared back.  "Well?"

"My sister was a potential."

"He's the head watcher in the US," Buffy said.  "Have you ever met the local one, Xander?"

"Yeah.  He's fairly decent.  Doesn't expect his potential to patrol.  I get a head's up if he hears something."

"I guess that's better than some," she decided.  She looked at Willow then glanced at the watcher.  He had to take a sudden nap.  "We'll make sure he can't nark on the local."  She looked at the captain.  "We were planning on how to deal with her."

"How fast can it be done?" he asked.  He handed back the information.

"That depends on what it takes to make her revert," Buffy said.

"I'm guessing we're going to go this side of nuclear," Xander said dryly.  "We're trying to minimize local exposure."

"Thank you for that blessing."  He stared at them.  "What do you have to use?"

"Enough, maybe," Xander admitted.  "If not, I won't tell you where I'm going to go to get some more so we can try again."

"Thank you for that.  If they're a danger to the city...."

"I'll deal with it and you'll hear," Xander assured him, holding out a hand.  The captain smirked but shook it.  "Have a better evening."

"You kids too.  I'll subtly warn some people that strange things are going on and might include some weapons or a fire."

"There's a gas station too close," Xander sighed.  "Or yeah, you'd see one.  Question, do civies live down there?"

"Some homeless.  That's all industrial."

Xander nodded.  "Okay.  Thank you, Captain."

"Don't get caught on the news."  He left, going to talk to the higher ups.  They knew strange things happened.  They knew the city had demons.  Some of that network had slipped about Harris being himself.

"How do they know you?" Buffy asked.

Xander shrugged.  "Some of the local demons might've let it slip that I hunted with you.  I have no clue.  I don't usually have to hunt around here."

"Huh.  I guess the scary Sunnydale team rep spread then."  She shrugged.  "So....  What're we doing?  I've tried to kick her butt and couldn't.  She totally threw me across a room."

Xander looked then sighed.  "I need twenty to lay a trap and about an hour to build it."  She nodded, getting with Willow about that.  "Tara, I have a really bad feeling that she'll try for you since you're such a white light witch.  I don't know why," he said.  "So you stay in the background.  Got it?"  She nodded.  "Good. Put up things so normals can't interfere and so we don't get noticed.  If we need a magical diversion, you and she can work on it together."  They all nodded at that.  "Buffster, meet me down there in an hour.  Let me build some stuff.  I'm here," he said with a point at a picture.  "It'll go."  She nodded at that.  He walked out, paying the valet so he could get his car.  This was not going to be fun and might make some people paranoid about him.  He had tried to hide his past from most of the normals but he knew some knew something.  This was going to end up confirming rumors.

***

Xander woke up with a groan, wincing as he made the bed sit up.  "Crap," he muttered.  He looked around.  No visitors.  It was light outside.  He found the room phone and dialed his cell.  Voicemail.  He dialed Tara's cell.  Voicemail.  "Shit."  The nurse walked in so he hung up.  "Let me guess, no one's visited?"

"When you first got here you had some but they've been gone for about the last three days you've been asleep, sir."   She checked his machines, his vitals, then looked at him.  "Do you know who you are?"  He nodded.  "Will you tell us?"

"Probably not."  He smiled.  "That depends.  Why am I in the hospital?"

"Apparently an explosion blew you through a pretty shabby building."

He blinked a few times because nodding hurt.  "I don't remember an explosion."

"The police think you should."

He smiled.  "That's them.  I don't remember an explosion."

"Uh-huh.  Well, some detectives will probably be back later."  She left, going to call those detectives.

Xander looked around then called Buffy's phone.  Her mother answered.  "It's me.  How's everyone?  No, apparently I woke up in a hospital and I'm not really sure why."  He listened to her report.  "That's nice of them.  Sure.  Well, I'm apparently still here.  No, the nurse said I hadn't had any in three days, Joyce.  No clue."  He nodded.  "Decent.  Please do.  Apparently I have voicemail."  He smiled when someone came in.   "Thanks, let me know."  He hung up.  "Captain Fitch."

"Harris."  He looked at him.  "That was fucking dumb."

"It worked."

"True," he admitted.  "It was localized, made to look like the grains had caught.  It worked well enough that those of us watching realized when she changed back and got taken out.  I wasn't talking about that though.  I was talking about your suicidal intentions."

"Not me, Captain."  He sighed.  "I'll admit to a bit upset now and then but not suicidal."

"You stepped in front of your blonde friend Buffy."

"That's kinda my job when she's got bigger things to do.  I couldn't beat the one I was fighting so I gave her enough of a diversion to get them while the man bad guy was trying to sneer at me for being so unfashionable."

The captain stared at him.  "She pouted."

"Yeah, she pouted all the way back to LA the same night I ended up in here."  The captain moaned.  "Where's Tara?"

"At home.  Still shaky.  She and the redhead had a discussion that upset her."

"I'll kick Willow's ass," he assured him.  "She knows better."

The captain smirked.  "Good to know, kid, but you've got a few extra large bruises, cuts, and a few broken things."

"Yay, not like it'll slow me down.  A broken arm didn't.  Concussions didn't.  I'm very much a do what has to be done guy."

"I've heard that."  He studied the young guy in front of him.  "I've called the dogs off you."

"Thanks.  I was about to sneak out when you walked in."

"We have security here."

"Am I in the jail wing?"  He shook his head.  "Then I can be ignored as long as the nurses aren't evil.  As shown by others recently."

"You have another visitor."

"Maybe I'll let them drive me home then."

"I doubt she'll do that.  She wants to know, knows the code, and has an idea."

Xander stared at him.  "Do you want me to date her?  Is that why I'm getting an introduction?"

"No!"  He shook his head, looking up.  "Why me."  He walked out.  "All yours."

Xander looked at the door then at his IV.  He turned it off with a press of the button and was removing the needle when she walked in.  "Morning, Detective Beckett."

"Harris, I wouldn't date you if I had to so the world was saved."

He grinned at her.  "That's a really sweet thing to say.  Should I come to the office to start courting you since you're sounding like one of my evil bitches?"  She stepped back at that.  "I'm heading home to my tylenol and my ice pack.  What did you want to know?"  The nurse stomped in.  "Can I get a bandage?"

"You need that IV."

"I'm going home within two hours," he shot back.  "I have tylenol at home, Nurse.  Can I have a bandage?  Please?" he asked with a smile.

"You shouldn't.  You don't remember how you got here."

Xander stared at her.  "I'm going to be screaming at my supposed friends.  Do you really want to hear that?"  She shook her head, going to get his paperwork and his bandage.  He looked at the detective again.  "The Captain said you had questions?"

"What was she?"

"A displaced hell goddess forced to possess that guy.  She was trying to get home and open her world onto ours to do so."

"So we would've been overrun by her world," she said flatly.  He nodded.  The nurse came back to bandage his arm.  He smiled and she walked off in a huff, leaving the papers.  "Why you guys?"

"Did you see the blonde friend who was short, stylish, and a bit loud?"

"Unfortunately.  Girls like her set my teeth on edge usually."

"Yeah, well, it's kinda her job."  He looked at her then back at the papers.  "I jumped in to help a long time ago."

"Okay.  So that explains why the nurses wondered about all the cuts and prior breaks."

Xander stared at her.  "Want me to be honest?  Yeah, it's like that.  So are two drunk assholes who raised me."  She nodded once at that fact.  "Am I in trouble?  Because if not, I have a heating pad calling my name."

"No, you're not.   If you hadn't warned us you'd be in jail."

"Next time I'll call him first.  This time he heard and we aren't exactly used to involving competent people.  Not like we were surrounded by them at home."

"Fine.  Tell one of us."  She left, going back to the office to get some coffee, something for her headache, and to see if Castle really knew that boy was needing drugs for mental problems.  She decided to call on the way.  "No, not a body yet," she said when he answered with a 'is it a body'.  "I just talked to Harris, again.  No, he's heading home.  Apparently he just woke up.  The nurse and Captain Fitch both think he's suicidal."  She listened to him complain.  "I don't care.  Well, since he apparently built a bomb big enough to blow up a warehouse, yeah, I think they're right.  Especially since he was too close to it when it went off.  She hung up and left it in his hands.  Plus Tara, wherever she was.  That was strange not to see her there since she liked to hover over the boy.  Someone needed to before he blew up something else for a less than decent reason.

***

Castle groaned, hanging up and rubbing his forehead with his free hand.

"Bad news?" his mother asked from the couch.

"Yeah, kind of."  He finished his coffee and called Tara, then hung up and called Paula.  "I don't care about whatever you did that nearly drove the kid into a suicidal mess.  I don't care how you fix it.  Just fix it."  He listened to her complain.  "Really?  When was the last time his editor got something from him?  And do you know where your pet author is?"  He hung up and grabbed his jacket.  "I'll be back."

"Artistic temperament?" she asked.

"No, I don't think so.  I think the kid feels really alone right now."  He walked out, slamming the door behind him.  Now he called Tara.  "Where's Xander?"  He listened to her.  "That's wonderful but he is awake.  He's also on his way home."  He hung up and went over to the hospital.  There was no way the kid was going to be taking a cab and disappear somewhere.  Paula would kill him because for some reason she'd blame him when it was her fault.  He saw the kid be wheeled out and honked, waving him over.  Xander ignored it so he got out.  "C'mon."

"I'm going home."

"I know that.  I can drive."

"I...."  The nurse parked the wheelchair next to the car, earning a smile.

"Thank you."  He walked around and opened the door, looking at him. "Well?  It's not often I play taxi."

"Why are you playing taxi?" he asked quietly.

"Because I'm going to put you in a book so I can beat your ass.  Get in the car."

"Thank you," he said quietly, getting in.  His mentor walked around to get in and drive off.  "Is Tara all right beyond whatever Willow said to her?"

"I called, she was sniffling and the cat was getting loud.  I have no idea."  He drove off, taking the longer way.  "So, you want to talk about anything?"

"No."

"You sure that's your final answer?" he asked dryly.

"Yeah, pretty sure."

"Because I've got sources all over the city that're shocked and horrified, kid."

"It had to be done."

"Why?"

"Because she was going to end up pulling another plane onto this one to get home.  It'd have killed everyone.  She was a hell goddess."

"Okay," he said, considering it.  "I'm still going to include you but you may be a fanatic."

Xander shrugged.  "That's fine.  I think one of the mentors is you in the hunting series."

"Thanks."  He glanced at him.  "What did Paula say that started all this off?"

"Huh?"

"Just...don't.  You're barely older than my daughter."

"I'm...."

"Don't try it or I'm dropping you at Bellevue for a psych eval."

"Whatever."

"That's a teenager response."  He pulled over and looked at him.  "Well?"

"I... I don't know anymore."

"Clearly.  So....  Now what?  You go back to your regular identity and put that one behind you like a dirty secret?"

"It is."

"Maybe," he agreed.  "You're not Superman."

"No, I'm more Batman," Xander quipped.

"He has better gear and a butler.  Maybe in a few years."  Xander gave him an honest smile.  He patted him on the back of the head.  "You have to work this out.  Too many people count on you being there.  Also your fans will wail and sob for years.  They'll make up conspiracy theories and everything."

"I might like a cult to me."

Castle was trying really hard not to pop the kid.  He controlled the urge.  "Beyond that. Your fans would be more likely to think UFO's did it. I know Paula nagged you for giving a damn because she likes to be seen as being too independent to need it."

"I've seen others flinch away from it but they did eventually let someone give a damn."

"She does sometimes.  She won't even let *me* nag most of the time.  Which is why she probably cut you down all that she could to hide it."

"I'm kinda used to that."

"I figured you might be."  He stared at him.  "That blocked you then what happened after the fight?"

"How would I know, I only woke up a bit ago."

"Tara didn't show up?"

"Not according to the nurses."

"Want me to say something to her?"

"No.  I'm hoping this was to do with Willow and her having a discussion."

"And if not?"

Xander shrugged.  "How would I know?  Maybe she got infected with whatever got Buffy back in high school that made her decide I was too normal.  That particular disease has reappeared many times."

Castle reached over to touch his shoulder but the kid nearly flinched so he moved slower.  "New York isn't like Sunnydale.  Here, we're bigger.  You can find more friends who'll appreciate your artistic side.  You'll find less people in denial and all of them would rather see the supernatural than think that they're failures, unlike in your town.  Most of those also have therapists to deal with that issue so you won't have to. Some might even let you fuss over them.  Especially if you can find a decent bad girl to date."  He gave his shoulder a squeeze.  "You jumped in front of her?"

"She needed to handle the thing I couldn't so we switched.  We're out of practice for it so she stared for a few seconds.  I know very well my job is to help her and if necessary, the world has to continue no matter what.  I accepted that very long ago."

"Which makes me depressed.  You're twenty-one in a few weeks!  You should be looking forward to parties and girls and fun.  Not the end of your life because sometime you won't be good enough."

"Well, now I'll at least make it to Halloween.  Maybe we'll see a party then.  Even though Tara and I both hate crowds."  He sighed, looking at him fully when he saw the disappointed look.  "It happens to those of us in this calling.  It's a duty so that normal people don't have to."

"I get that," he assured him.  "I've met federal and foreign agents who've said the same thing as they're fighting a war that's just as pointless and never ending as you are.  The only difference is they got training, have backup, and get medical benefits.  Which apparently you didn't get."

"I'd love medical benefits," he sighed.  "But I am the backup."

"Which sucks for you.  Most of them get partners."

"Buffy dated a commando who was working on a project to create human/demon hybrids."

"If that's as close as you come, we're all doomed."  Xander snorted, shaking his head.  "I've got to find you someone nicer to date."

"You know, I am taking training.  That's part of the reason I'm at the gym," he said.

"I figured that out earlier."  His phone rang.  "What?" he answered.  He listened.  "No, I won't, because it's your fault."  He hung up.  "Paula's in a shitty mood.  Fair warning."

"I don't have to go home."

"Tara will worry."

"No, if she worried, I'd have had visitors," he sighed.  "Maybe I need to break bad.  Go on a club hunt or something to blow off everything for a night."

"You can club without hunting," he suggested.  "It'd be easier on all those bruises and sore spots."

Xander winced.  "Yeah, but it always ends up being a hunt.  I seem to draw them sometimes."

"Kid, we've got to get you a better normal life.  That way you can hide your secret identity better.  Then you can get a huge house to hide a weapons room and a butler to help hide your secret or patch you up."

"Does that mean I can run around in spandex?"

"With the way you've bulked up on muscles, maybe.  You'd put some of the rest of us to shame."  He looked at him.  "I'm hoping like hell my daughter never finds out these things happen and people have to handle it.  I never want to see her have the look in her eyes you had when I picked you up.  I never want to see her have as many scars as you have."

"I'd never tell her unless she saw it happening in front of her and even then I'd try to BS it."

"She's too smart for any BS to work on her.  She sees right through me.  She'd see through you too."  He gave his shoulder another squeeze.  "Let's get you home, then you can run out and club tonight if you need to.  That way Tara doesn't get mad at me."

"Tara won't get mad at you."

"Yes she will.  Women are like that for some reason."

"I think it's hormonal.  You know, you're the closest to a guy friend I've had since I was sixteen."

"Wow.  No wonder you wear ugly clothes and can't club right.  We'll have to set you up with some more male friends."  Xander shrugged and winced, holding his side.  "No, you can't ignore those," he said dryly.

"Sure I can.  I have before."  He straightened up.

"I'm running a poker game in a week.  Want to come?"

"I don't make the sort of money to play with you guys.  Maybe when I'm in the top ten."

"Sure.  That's very reasonable of you."  He smiled.  "Let's get you home."  He shifted to face front, starting the car.

"Can't I go to a hotel?"

"She'll gut me and use me for cat food."

"If not, she'll nag, fuss, and try to tuck me in.  I'll end up giving in to make her feel better."

"I can tell her not to fuss."

"Then she'll pout.  I'll end up feeling bad."

"Fine.  Do you have your wallet on you."  Xander groaned, shaking his head.  "Then I'll take you home so you can get it."  He drove him that way, pausing up the street.  "I see Paula and Tara are arguing."  He pulled over.  "Wait here."  He got out, walking over.  "Tara, Xander wanted a night to go unstress.  Can you get his wallet please?"

She stared t him.  "No!  He's hurt!  He checked himself out!"

"Right now, he's ready to snap," he told her.  "He doesn't want to do it on you or the cat.  He's going to take it out in a club."  She groaned, shaking her head.  "Without picking up anyone too bad."

"He needs too be checked on."

Xander got out and walked over.  "I'm not real fond of humanity," he told her bluntly.  "I'm going to a hotel tonight. I'm going to relax, eat some ice cream, go play in a club to release some of this tension I have that's causing me pain.  I'll be back tomorrow night."  She slumped, shaking her head. "It's not you but if I don't, I'm going to end up screaming at people.  I don't want to do that.  So please?"  She trudged off.  He stared Paula down.   "I don't care if you have PMS, if you're the bitch queen of the universe, whoever, you do not scream at Tara.  She had nothing to do with your yelling the last time we talked."  She opened her mouth but he held up a finger.  "I just woke up after a battle.  Now is not the time because I'm going to snap.  I'd rather snap and fuck someone into a wall in a club than snap and start screaming what I'm thinking right now," he said quietly and calmly.  "Personally, it's women who treat me like you did that makes me want to go from kinda bi to fully gay."  She stomped off.  "You can come back when we both calm down!" he called after her.  He took a deep breath.  Tara came down with his wallet and phone.  "Does it work?"

"It's the replacement.  It showed up yesterday," she said quietly.

He kissed her on the forehead.  "Thank you.  Let me go yell at Willow as well."

"She didn't...."

He held up a hand.  "Don't even think about lying.  I don't want to hear the lie that she didn't say anything because we both know she did and I have some things I'd like to scream at her as well."  She opened her mouth.  "If she were actually a friend, I would've at least woken up with a status report note and a get well added."  He walked off.  "I'll be somewhere nice and kinda sleazy so I can pick up someone to wear this out on.  I'll be back for dinner tomorrow night, Tara."

"Xander, don't yell at her.  That was Buffy's call."

"I've already talked to Joyce, Tara.  I called Buffy's cell."  He looked at her.  "I'll be home for dinner tomorrow.  Make something nice?"  She nodded, biting her lip.  "I know you were upset and couldn't.  Chill."  He walked past the car.  "Thanks for the ride, dude.  I'll see you in a few days since we're both at that signing thing."  He hailed a cab and got in, checking his wallet.  "Hyatt.  Downtown by the clubs."

"They're full.  There's a convention."

"Then somewhere by the clubs please.  I plan on shutting them down."  The cabbie just drove off.  He waved.   When he got there he paid and walked inside.  "Do you have a room open?"  The receptionist nodded.  He smiled.  "Thank you.  Got any good ideas for clubbing clothes?  I need the stress relief."

"Bad argument with your wife, sir?"

"Not married.  Female friends."  She nodded, signing him in.  He tossed out his old card when he tried to use it and it declined, letting her have the other one.  That was better.  She handed him a shopping guide as well.  "Thank you."  He went to check his room over then to find something to wear that made him look a bit dangerous so he didn't get into a fight, yet sexy and alluring so he got laid.  Right now he didn't care who it was that he had sex with.  It'd be good no matter what because they probably wouldn't be the only one.

***

Xander walked down to the front desk, smiling.  "Hi, I'm in room 2336 and I've left the guy that tried to stab me tied up conveniently for the cops."  She called their security guys.  Xander gave the one rushing out a bland look.  "I was nice when I tied him up when he tried to stab me.  I thought I'd nicely package him for the cops."

"What room are you in, sir?" the guard asked.

"2336."

"Come with us," he said, taking him back up there.  Xander let him into the room.  There were a few signs of a struggle.  "Sir, why did you invite him in if I can ask?"

"Because I'm having a fuck or beat something day.  I figured sex was the better alternative to jail."  The guy was still sobbing.  "I'm guessing Fate wanted aa different outcome."  He glared at him and the man flinched back.

"Let me get some officers here, sir."

"Sure.  I'm going to be at the soda machine."  The guard watched him walk up the hall, get a soda, and come back while keeping an eye on the tied up person.  Officers came off the elevator.  He waved at them.  "He tried to stab me.  His knife's under the edge of the bed."  He opened the can and took a sip.  They were giving him worried looks.  "Guys, my temper's *real* high and I was going to fuck it out instead.  Aren't you happy my usual predator drawing ability came out?' he quipped, taking  a sip.

"Does this happen often?" one of the officers asked.

"Yeah.  Homicide detectives or major crime ones seem to *love* the people I date," he said dryly.  "Nine times in the last few years."

"How did you fight him off, sir?" the other officer asked.  "I'd assume you were in a...disadvantaged position."

"My former town had a protection patrol, guys, plus I'm taking classes."  They nodded at that, going in to check on the guy.  They still weren't sure he wasn't a victim.

"Please, I want to go to jail.  I promise I won't stab anyone else because I want to screw them," he whispered.  "I promise, I won't."

The officer got him undone and cuffed, sitting him up.  "You did what?" he asked.  He nodded his partner to take a statement from the other guy up the hall.  Clearly the guy was scaring the crap out of him.  "You've done this before?"

He nodded, looking miserable.  "He's right.  It's closeted hate.  I want them and can't follow through so I stab them."  He sniffled, looking up at the officer.  "I'm sorry I stabbed those others."

"How many, sir?"

"Three, maybe four.  I don't remember.  It's wrong for me to want it.  When I give in, my mind deals with it for me.  I'm really sorry."

"I'm sure you are," he agreed.  "Do you need medical attention before we take you down to talk to a detective?"

"No.  I need to apologize to him.  He's too strong.  He's the only one that fought back."

"He said he's taking martial arts classes," the officer told him.  "That's why."  He helped him stand, looking around for his shoes.  He pointed. "Yours?"  The guy nodded so he got that and the jacket.  "Yours?"

"Yes, Officer.  Thank you.  Can I apologize?"

"Sure."  He walked him out.  "Sir."  Xander looked over.

"You're right and I'm bad for trying to hurt you.  I'm sorry."

"It's cool.  You're not the first."  The guy nodded, letting himself be led off.  Xander looked at the other officer.  "That's the first one of them that apologized.  That's kinda nice."  He finished his soda.  "Can I go hit a really nasty club so I can wear out this extra energy now?"

"Sure," he decided.  He looked at the hotel security guard.

"We'll be switching his room in case CSU needs it," he promised, calling down to the desk.  By the time Xander got his things and had pointed out the knife for the officer, the desk girl had arranged it and Xander switched key cards on the way out.

Maybe he'd hit a harder club, just to let all the predators deal with him.  That'd definitely be a fight or a screwing of his life.

***

Castle walked in to three new folders on Beckett's desk and her swearing at her captain.  He glanced it over then went in there after a quick knock.  "Xander went clubbing?' he guessed.

"Is that how it happened?" she demanded.

"Yeah, he was a bit pissed at his friends.  Something about them fleeing while he was in the hospital and none of them even checking on him."  She groaned.  "I brought him home last night but he was too pissed to deal with things so he said he was going to wear it out in a  club."

"He did, three different ones," she told him, grimacing.  "We got one serial killer, two wanna be pimps, and a drug dealer.  I have no idea who has him right now or if he's still alive."

"I don't think he's suicidal.  I talked to him last night.  If it has to happen to save people, maybe.  Not for any other reason and a fight would work just as well in the state he was in."

"I've never...."

"You're female," the captain said.  "I've been in that sort of rage myself.  You *need* to get it out one way or another."

Castle nodded.  "I usually go to the gym.  I kill my body for a few hours.  The kid was doing that already."

"So his natural draw pulled them to him?" she demanded.

"Knowing him, after the first one he probably went looking," he admitted.  "That way he wouldn't draw more attention to himself in the normal clubs."

The captain nodded.  "At least they're solved and closed cases," he said.  "Just finish up the paperwork.  Castle, are you worried about his mental state?"

"No.  I'd still be in the gym if I was in his position."  He walked out with her.   "You've never been in that bad of an angry mood?" he asked her quietly.

"I go to the range."

"They wouldn't let him use artillery."

"Good point I guess.  Call him to make sure he's alive?"

"It's eight in the morning.  I'm doubting he's awake."  He sat down, texting him.  He got one back saying that Xander was still resting after last night and he'd text when he got up in a few hours.  "He's still sleeping."  He put it into his pocket.

She looked at him.  "You like the little bastard?"

"I do.  He sees me like a mentor.  We also talked about him making sure it never came near my daughter."

"I can agree with that.  It's bad enough I know."

"He's been doing this since he was fifteen."

"Damn.  So this is probably the only way he knows."

"Yup."  He finished his coffee and tossed out the cup.  "Drug dealer?"

"He's very pretty."  She looked at him.  "All men."

"Most women would complain if he got a bit too rough."

"Good point I guess.  Maybe he went S&M?"

"Maybe.  That's one outlet but I'm not sure if he'd deal with it then.  Most of them won't let you in if you're that angry either.  Too many chances for accidents."

"Good to know you have contacts there."

He smiled.  "I have guys everywhere."  His phone rang with a text.  He pulled it out to look at it.  "Paula's now worried about him.  He didn't come in to pick up his check yet, usually he's in there by now."  He texted back that Xander was still sleeping off the wearing out last night.  She sent back a huff.  "Hopefully she'll apologize for her part in that problem," he decided.  He put his phone back in his pocket.  "We'll have to see."

"She...."

"Complained that he fussed when her blood pressure got noticeably high one day.  He also made her splurge and have real ice cream.  He treated her like he would any woman he was close to.  She's a bitch about that some days though."

"I don't let people fuss over me," she reminded him.

"If I could see the vein in your neck throbbing, I'd try to get you to relax too," he assured her.  "The same as most of us would."

"That's bad."

"That was bad.  When they let her wake up a day later, her blood pressure was only in the 190's over 140's."  She winced.  "He was right to fuss and nag.  The same as I was.  She still bit back at him and plugged his muses badly.  He hasn't written in over a month thanks to her.  She needs to apologize."

"She probably will so he keeps putting out stuff."

"He's got a good three to five year backlog," he told her dryly.  "Maybe eight if you stretch it out."  She groaned.  "I've seen him in the state where he can sit down and get so lost he'll type a hundred pages a day.  He usually has many of those a month.  That's why Tara lives with him, to make sure he eats."

"I guess that's normal," she agreed.  "On her part.  Isn't his a problem?"

"Yes and no.  Hypergraphia can be a problem but he's using it to his advantage.  Also, you can work out more minor angers in it.  It's wonderful not having to hide the bodies you write gruesome deaths for."

"I guess it could be," she decided, giving him a sideways look.

"Yes, I have used it," he assured her.  "It got me through the divorces."  She smiled at that, shaking her head.  He helped her with the paperwork.  It was the least he could do since he had introduced her to Xander.

***

Xander walked up to Paula's secretary, ignoring her horrified look.  "It's a black eye, Sue.  Can I have my check without having to say mean things to her?"  He had timed it so Paula was out for her daily salad.  She walked in there to find it, coming out to let him sign for both of them then handed them over.  "What's the other?"

"Advance on the next book that's being published."

He nodded.  "Thanks."  He walked off, taking the stairs.  Paula would only do the elevator so he got to avoid her.

She waited for Paula to come in.  "Xander was here and got his checks."  She handed back the folder.  "He has a black eye, was limping slightly, and favoring his right side."

"So he took his broken rib to a bar?" she guessed.

"Maybe.  I don't know."

"How did he look otherwise?"

"He wasn't bouncing, he wasn't smiling, he called me by my actual name."  Paula moaned.  "I didn't see his phone either.  In those pants you would have."

"Thank you."  She went in there to call him.  "Tara, why do you have his phone?"  She listened.  "No, I wanted to talk to him about some editing things."  She sat down.  "No, that's not good.  He will if he wants to keep getting paid.  That'd be fine.  Thank you."  She hung up.  Tara would tell him to call her at the very least.  Then she could get him back on track.  Hopefully without committing him for seventy-two hours for being a danger to himself.  Xander walked in an hour later.  "Cute t-shirt," she said.  He shrugged.  "They wanted your third book of Tral to be reedited."

"Why?"

"Because they said it's raunchy."

"Donnie took out the tree scene."  She gave him a dirty look.  "What did they want edited out?"

"The whole zombie thing."

"It's his decision to make.  He's got to decide to bring her back.  That would make her a zombie.  People in love actually do have those thoughts."  He walked off.  "I don't care one way or another."

She called them to let them know what he had said.  She could argue around to it.  Then she called her therapist to ask her suggestion.  The kid was in pain and even she could see it.  She hung up after a few minutes of being told to start with an apology.  She didn't want to hear that.  He had stepped over the line.

***

Xander looked up when someone tapped him on the arm.  "What's up?" he asked the detective.  It was one of the helper detectives Beckett kept on a leash.

"Are you dating again?  We've had some suspicious deaths."

"No.  Not since the night I went clubbing."

He looked at the kid.  "Is that a problem?  Because you don't look happy."

"I'm not totally content at the moment, no, but no I can do without dating.  As for your strange killer?  She's annoying the crap out of me at the moment.  She did send me a letter."

"Do you still have it?"

"I sent it to Richard."

"Okay.  We can get it from him.  When did you send it?"

"Yesterday."

"I'll ask his daughter then.  Thanks, kid."  He looked at him.  "Why don't you take a vacation?"

"Because Tara would worry."

"Sometimes you have to live your own life, kid.  She can worry and probably should, but if you're not happy enough to deal with things, you're going to make her worry more."  He left, going to Castle's apartment.  Alexis opened the door.  "Harris said he sent your dad a letter he got from a fan sort."

"I was wondering why he mailed him something from across the borough."  She got it for him and handed it over.  "Is it an idea?"

"No, we have some wacko running around.  She sent him a mash note."  She giggled, shaking her head.  "He figured he'd pass it on.  Thanks, kiddo."  He left, going back to work.  "Castle, your daughter is giggling that Harris sent the psycho's note to you."

"He could've dropped it off."

"With the way he looks, I'm not sure I want him driving," he said bluntly.  "He's pale and shaky too."  He handed over the letter.

Castle opened it, reading over the enclosed note and her letter.  "That's the killer," he said, handing that part over.  "Like sick pale and shaky?"

"No clue.  I suggested getting out of town might help, even if Tara does worry."

"She'll fuss him to death if he's actually sick."  He texted the kid.  Xander wasn't really answering his phone at the moment.  Not even for her.  He got back an 'I'm fine'.  He snorted and countered that, getting one back that his ribs were hurting a bit but that was normal with broken ones.  "I thought you only broke one," he said as he typed that in.  He got back another 'I'm fine' and sent one about going on vacation.  The kid said he was waiting on his plans to be finished then he'd go.  He sent a 'send postcards or something' and left it there.  "His broken ribs are bothering him."

"That'd make me pale and shaky too."  He looked over the letter once Beckett was done with it.  "Who's Tara?"

"Remember that blonde young woman in the long dress that showed up to talk to me a few weeks back?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"She's like Harris' little sister."  He looked at him.  "Alexis okay?"

"Fine.  Happy, giggled at getting that."

"Good.  I need to introduce her to more people.  She never gets out of the house."

"She's fine," Beckett assured him.

"She should be out being a teenager and she doesn't.  I'm worried she's getting old before her time and turning into my mother.  Well, no, wait, Mother has wild stories from her youth."

"Your daughter has sense.  Do you really want to have to talk to her after she's had a hangover?"

"No but I expect most kids would have one sometime.  She doesn't even go over to party with friends anymore.  I'm worried.  I'm a parent, I'm supposed to worry."

"Yes, but I'm sure she'll be fine.  Give her a year then worry."

"No, then I'll have to beat boyfriends too."  She smirked at him for that.  "Maybe I'll have Tara take her down to the shop her aunt works at.  It'll be a good learning experience and it might open her world view a bit.  They have a few older teenagers who shop there."  He texted that to his daughter whose only reply was a sigh.  "Maybe not."

"She has sense.  Don't worry about her so much."  Beckett went back over the letter.  "Think he'd let us use him to bait her?"

"No.  Not right now.  Usually yes but not right now," he said quietly.

"Fine."  She did have more clues on how to find the problem idiot of the day.  It was nice the kid cooperated.

***

Xander walked in that night, looking at Tara.  "I'm buying a vacation cabin."

"Is it nice?"

"I'll let you know."  She stared at him.  "I'm fine.  My ribs are aching."  She nodded at that, handing him the advil.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  How long will you be gone?"

"Maybe a few weeks."

"Will phones work there?"

"My new one's a satellite phone, Tara.  It works everywhere on this plane."  She smiled at that.  "It wasn't too much.  It's been empty for a while.  It'll give me something to do for a few weeks."

"I understand.  You need the recentering time."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "You'll call?  Miss Kitty will miss you petting her bald."

"Of course."  He grinned and relaxed.  "I don't want you to worry."

"I'm not.  You've had a sucky month."  He nodded, going to pack.  "When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow?"

"I made pizza."

"I adore you."  She beamed.  He came down to eat.   He could pack later on.  He'd leave all the fancy stuff here but his jeans were going with him.  He debated on his laptop but decided he'd bring it just in case the muses quit tormenting him.  "I had the strangest dream last night," he said between bites.  She looked at him.  "The muses were dancing around me signing."

"What were they singing?"

"Annoying crap."  She laughed.  "Seriously!"

"Were they puppies?"

"No.  Little garden gnome looking creatures."  She shook her head.  "I don't know."

"Maybe you should try writing that," she offered.  "It might help other authors."

"Maybe."  He stuffed his mouth again.  "But hey, it's all wood so I can get some nice fixing time in and then maybe chop some firewood.  It's on a lake."

"That sounds pretty.  How far to the nearest neighbor?"

"Under a quarter mile.  It's kinda triangle shaped with the wide end by the lake.  We're nearer to the neighbor on the east."

"That's still pretty sounding."  She brushed some of his hair back.  "It'll be good for you."

He nodded.  "It will be."  She smiled and let him finish up.  He considered the weapons then decided against it.  If he needed something he could probably find a gun shop in Colorado.  And hey, he'd have to have wood working tools.  Those he shipped to himself.  It was cheaper than checking them.  His bags went too.  He hated flying because anything he checked got lost for a few hours.

***

Xander looked at his cabin, smiling in pleasure.  It was rustic.  It looked like a wreck but the inspection said it was solid.  Yeah, he could rehab this so it was wonderful.   He walked inside, choking on the dust.  A few opened windows helped that and the one he had to pry got mentally marked down for fixing.  It was only painted shut.  He'd have to scrape and paint anyway.  The old paint was flaking off badly.  He ran a hand over a wall.  It wasn't smoothed.  "They must've done it like that one guy on PBS that uses the ancient tools but got tired before they were done."  He wasn't that uptight but he knew how to use most of them anyway.  Though he did favor an electric sander over a planer any day.  Easier on his arms for big areas.

He decided to go down to the local town's UPS store since he had shipped everything there.  They had it waiting for him and he smiled, helping them carry it out to his rental truck.  That, a quick stop at the hardware store for a few more things, and he was done.  He drove home, finding his phone ringing when he walked in.  He answered it then hung up when the first thing he heard was 'you had better be writing'.  He pulled his tools inside and dropped his bag in the closet.  His phone started to ring again so he put a pad on the sander and plugged it in.  He wouldn't hear the phone over it.

It was also nicer on his ribs at the moment.

***

A few days later, Xander was making himself chop wood.  His body was screaming at him but he needed to let go of some of the anger.  He had talked to his ...friends.  He had talked to his agent.   He was going to take this axe to them sometime soon if he didn't calm down his anger.  He heard someone coming up behind him and turned, holding the axe ready.  "You're trespassing why?" he asked calmly.

"I live next door and thought this was still empty.  Who're you?"

Xander stared at him.  "I know it was on the market for about six months, but I bought it a month ago.  The delivery trucks for the last two days didn't clue you in?"

"Hey, I'm just being a good neighbor, making sure you weren't some squatter, kid," he said firmly.

"Well, I'm not."

"You could be nicer."

"Yeah, but unfortunately for you I'm not in the mood for it after talking to some supposed friends earlier.  Right now, I'm chopping wood because of that.  Come back in a few hours."  He turned and went back to chopping wood.  "I'll be in a better mood then."  He split another piece.

"Sure," he said, watching the kid.  "Are you...chopping off center for a reason?"

"Yeah, it's called a broken rib," he said dryly.  He glared at him.  "Just let me get unangry before you talk, okay?  I can't take it right now and I'm about to go to LA without a plane."

"Sure.   Let me sit."  He walked up to sit down on the porch's steps.

"That's a weak spot," Xander warned.

"Thanks."  He shifted and it was more solid.  He watched the kid chop wood.  "Doesn't that hurt?" he asked finally.

"Yup.  Has to be done anyway."

Jack looked at the wall of wood behind him lining the outside of the house on the porch.  Then back at him.  "You need a shrink before we don't have more woods, kid."

Xander stared at him.  "Yeah, but I don't think I'll find one anytime soon.  So, vacation home or not?"

"Um, off-base home."  The kid paused and glanced at him but split the next piece anyway.  "Air Force."

"Cool.  Pilot?"

"That too.  General."

"Huh.  I'm an author."  He split it again.  He tossed it aside and got the next one.  "There'll be trees.  My roomie will appreciate them but I'll have a lake view."

"Why not take from the direct path?"

"They'd be upset and Tara would be disappointed with them naked sunbathing all the time on their dock."

"Girlfriend?" he asked.

"Roommate."  He split that current piece and tossed them down.  "Near sister.  She's the only one I'm only slightly pissed at."

"So maybe the axe is a bad idea?" the general suggested.

"No.  It's keeping me from using it on a living being."  Or an unliving being since Angel had stuck up for Buffy's 'run away' approach to after-apocalypse issues.  He picked up another piece of wood and kept in the moan but not the wince since the guy moved.  "Don't."

"I know some docs.  I can call one to look at it for you."

Xander gave him a dirty look.  "No.  Thank you anyway," he said bluntly.  "I've met military doctors before.  I'd never want to be in their tender torture chambers ever again."  He looked and split the wood.  Then another blow to get the two halves cut into quarters.

"You know the military, kid?"

"Some."

"Just stop.  You're making me hurt by doing that."  He got up and came down, taking the axe.  "Who are you?"

"Xander."

"Is that your only name?"

"Yup."  He took his axe back.  "You might wanna move."

"We won't have any woods left by the time you're less pissed.  Can't you just scream at them?"

"No.  I tried that, they told me I was being a bitch and overreacting.  So screw them and chopping wood is very useful."  He took his axe back.  "Don't take a weapon from my hand."

"How do you know about the military?"

"I probably shouldn't mention it unless you want psycho assholes here to talk to you."

The general stared at him.  "Let's just say I know something about the more covert parts.  Are you NID?"

"Hell no!" he snorted, staring at him.  "And if I have to see more of *their* psychos, I'll call you to pick up parts."  He walked away from him.  "Why do you want to know?"

"Because I think it's odd that suddenly someone who knows about a covert military project moves into my neighborhood."  He watched him walk.  "You sore in other spots?"

"Yup.  Don't worry about those either."  He got his bottle of water, sipping from it before looking behind him.  "Interesting."

Jack looked and moaned.  "What are you doing here?"

"I found a most interesting energy signature," the little alien said.  "I followed it to see why."  He looked at the young man and said something in his native language, getting a flourishing bow.  "You understood that?"

"I dated Anyanka," he said in Norse.  "It's not my best language," he said dryly in English.  He finished his water.  "You probably shouldn't be near the military guy unless he already knows about you."

"Most humans are alarmed by us."

"I lived in..," he started in English.   "Well, let's just say I lived in an energy well," he finished in Norse.  The alien blinked at him.  "A... ooh, what did she call them."  He considered it.  "I lived on a rip between realms," he finished in ancient Latin, the only other human language he spoke.

The alien blinked a few more times.  "We had noticed that one of those was getting bad."

"Yeah, I lived there for years and helped a huntress," he said in Norse again.  "One of the chosen ones."

"Ah!" he said, bowing back.  Xander bowed then winced.  "You are injured?"

"There's a long, loud, rant filled story attached to it.  Your friend there stopped me from chopping wood to get rid of the anger," he said in english.

"You were going to strip the forest," Jack said dryly.  "How do you know about them?"

"They're nothing stranger than I've seen before," Xander quipped.   "And no, I won't explain that because I don't want to deal with the people who'd complain."  He smiled at him.  "If you want to, you go hunting."

"I'm a general, kid."

"Yay you.  That makes me wanna yawn.  And?"

The general glared.  "So why did you pick this one?"

"I needed a new side project.  Something to work on. You're apparently a side benefit," he finished dryly.  "Little guy, want some bottled water or I made some instant tea?"

"No.  Thank you for your hospitality."  He added another word.

Xander shook his head.  "Not me.  I jumped in to help her, I wasn't employed by the bastard Council.  We changed the rules so they want to gut me."

"Ah."  The alien blinked a few more times.  "Will they not find you?"

Xander smiled.  "I so dare them to.  Especially when I'm pissed."  The alien blinked a few more times.  "Don't worry about it.  That's why I'm chopping wood.  No matter how much general-up-my-ass might not like me creating a lake view.  I'll be back.  Let me get another drink."  He kicked the door shut, holding his ribs all the way into the kitchen.  He put his cold bottle next to his ribs while he called someone.  "Finn, Harris.  There's a covert general here wanting to know about you guys.  I'm at my vacation place in Colorado."  He hung up and walked out there, sipping his water like nothing was wrong.  "I called the idiot officers so they could talk to you if they wanted to, General.  Anything else or can I start painting soon?"

The alien moved closer.  "He is a good warrior," he assured him.

"That's wonderful.  I've run into the military in a bad manner before.  I'm not going to trust any of them unless I know them personally."

"I do understand that.  I would not trust if I had a negative meeting with them."  The kid smiled and nodded at that.  "Your energy is odd from the energy well?"

"Probably.  That or New York."  He shrugged and winced.  "Sorry."  He sipped his water.

"You should take care of that.  In case something does happen."

"If something happens here, I'm going to suspect there's a military guy and they'd better have a sniper."  The alien blinked quickly.  "I won't put up with them trying to take me down and out again.  They tried before and it worked well enough that it caused the problem that led to the anger today.  Personally I could care less.  I'm thankful that they decided to serve but I don't care."

"That is reasonable.  Perhaps you should talk to someone?  It would ease your anger."

"Maybe but if I start screaming at them, I probably won't stop, even if they did start to cry.  There's a lot I should yell at them to feel better.  If I do, they'll cause me more problems and be too distracted to do their jobs to save others."

"This one does that as well," the alien told him.  "He deserves respect for that."

"Maybe if he had come at a different time, I might give it to him, but I warned him and he decided to stay even though I'm really in a bad mood."  He finished his water and tossed the bottle back inside.  His phone rang so he walked in to get it.  "What?  Yes, that is how I answer my phone.  Because I'm having a bitchy day and the neighbor just showed up to nag.  No, I'm not."  He hung up.  "Agents," he muttered, walking back outside.  "I should go back to construction full time."

"More problems?" the alien asked.

"An older one that's gotten on my nerves again and it's her fault so she's nagging now.  I'm about to yell at her too but she's my literary agent."  Jack snorted.  Xander glared at him.  "I don't care if you don't like my stuff. Really."  He heard a car and looked toward the front of the house.  "Your people?"

He looked.  "One of them."  He looked at the alien.  "You shouldn't have shown up."

"It was necessary to make sure this was not a weapon."

"Only when I want to be," Xander said dryly, leaning on a porch post.  Two guys and a girl ran around the house.  He stared at them.  "Good, more trespassers.   Take the original one and flee."

"Who are you?" the female asked.

"Xander.  I bought here.   Your buddy there is interrupting me from wearing out my anger on the wood pile.  Now you're helping him?"

"No, we came when we found out Jack had a visitor," the female said with a smile.

Xander stared at her.  "Hint, Colonel, since that's what's on your sleeve.  Being blonde, perky, and bitchy doesn't work on everyone.  Being cute about it works even less."  He stared her down.  "Also for the record, I don't care about him.  I like him a lot more than I like your human friend.  He has sense, common and otherwise, and he doesn't make me want to find a shotgun to run off the newest covert government group," he finished flatly, making her take a step back.

"There's no reason to be hostile," the guy in the glasses said.  "I'm sure Jack wasn't."

Xander snorted, going inside to grab his phone and hit redial.   He tossed it at the alien.  "Talk to him if you want to convince me you're not hostile little assholes I have to help take care of this time simply because I decided to buy a vacation home that I could put some work into."  Jack took the phone and walked off talking military matters after identifying himself.  Xander looked at the others.  "Shoo.  Go.  Now."

"Sir," the blonde woman started.

"I'm pissed as hell at half of humanity, lady, and they're all female.  Do not start."  She backed up again.  "Usually I'm really nice, pleasant, joking, happy, but today you guys decided to trespass on a really bad day."  The general glared back at him.  "If that's Finn, tell him to tell his ex to go fuck some more corpses while he's yelling at her."  The three in front of him gasped.

The alien coughed and moved closer.  "You should get that anger out."

"Yes, but if I start chopping wood again, I'll end up dealing with a trespasser."

"That is a good thing to know," the alien said.  "But perhaps sharing would be better?  Even if they cannot know, I am not involved."  Xander stared at him then told him everything in Norse.  The alien stared at him for the twenty minutes it took.  "You have every right to be angry," he said after the boy warrior was done.  "I would be upset myself.  One such as I am do not get upset easily."  Xander nodded at that, sitting down.  "These are good warriors, not the sort that would bother you."

"Yet, they decided to come push their luck by menacing and he called for backup when I told him to go away," Xander told him.

"They worry because Jack is known to get into trouble."

"I have that problem now and then," Xander said dryly.  "Including with women being evil when I date them."

The alien let out a snort.  "That could be a function of the energy within you."

"Maybe but that still sucks."

"It does indeed," he agreed mildly.  Jack came back still talking.

"Tell Finn to just show up before I'm out of minutes."

Jack said that and hung up, tossing the phone back.  "So, you're not here because of who I am?"

"I have no clue and don't really care who you are.  As far as I'm concerned, you're an asshole who can't take blatant hints that I'd rather not have company until I'm not pissed."

"I get that," he said.  "Finn said he'd be here tomorrow.  He had to get some issues sorted out."

"Yay him.   Is he going to bring any of his thug buddies?"

"No.  He said to tell you it'd be him and Miller.  That you were to stand down and he'd approach Buffy, whoever that is, to tell her she had made a major enemy this time."

"I haven't decided if I'm that pissed at her yet," Xander admitted.

"I would be," the alien admitted.  "She did not appreciate your contribution to her latest problem being solved."

"Not the first time," Xander admitted.  "That's one reason why I was so happy when Sunnydale fell in."

The alien nodded.  "That makes rational sense, even if it is pulling at your sworn duty."

"I have a whole new city to help protect.  Unless it's a major problem, she can handle it.  I've had enough of her and Willow forever."

The alien nodded.  "That is again a rational piece of sense.  You have more important things to worry about, including perhaps planning for a next generation of warriors."

"Not with the evil bitches I date," he said dryly.  "They might turn into serial killers."

"Serial killers?" the alien asked.

"Ritual using or methodology based killers who kill a lot of people," Xander explained.

"Ah, them," he said, blinking again. "That is not unheard of.  These four do deserve your respect as fellow warriors."

"If it had been on any other day, they might've gotten it."

"I understand.  Even I have had such days.  I wish you much fun chopping down enough trees to see the lake.  It is a beautiful view."  Xander smiled.  "We will leave and come back once someone has detailed to these warriors that there is no threat from you and shown you that they are no threat to you."

"That'd be fine.  I'll be in a better temper tomorrow, I hope."  They backed away slowly and left him alone.  Xander got up to take down another tree and deal with it so it could be stacked.  He was aching like hell but oh well!  He didn't want to have to deal with covert military assholes and the next owner might like having that view.  Plus all the firewood.  He'd paint after his shower and something for his ribs.

***

Xander looked up from his painting when someone stomped up the porch and paused.  "It wore out my temper," he called.

"She didn't know why you were pissed," Riley Finn said as he walked in.  He looked around.  "Nice job so far, Xander."

"Thank you.  So who were they?  The general guy was really paranoid when he came over to interrupt me working off my temper."

"So covert that's all I could get.  I was told to tell him about ours, some of my people are inside his group, but I am told that they're basically fighting the same sort of fight Buffy and you guys do."

Xander put his paintbrush down in the paint pan, looking at him.  "Really?"

"Yes."

"Is that why they had the alien with them?"

"I was told to tell you to forget you ever saw him, thought about him, or imagined him.  If he shows up in a book, they'd make you miserable."

Xander shrugged.  "It's not likely he'll show up."  He went back to painting.  "Any other revelations beyond the fact that they really should've left when I warned them?"

"They're not going to take warning from what they see as a kid, Xander.  They didn't take mine that you would probably kill them if you had to or you felt threatened.  The general snorted."

"Yay him."  He looked over then went back to his painting baseboards.  "Anything else come of it?"

"I got permission to buy the cabin and trade you evenly for one in the midwest that could use some work."

Xander gave him an odd look.  "Why?"

"They're nervous as hell that your usual luck will fall on their project and then we're all doomed.  By the way, they don't have your file."

"That's good since it was wrong."

"Wrong?"

"Yup."

"Crap.  I need to tell them that."

"Yay.  Have fun with that and if you go bother my agent ignore her complaining?"

"Why would we?"  He looked at the cellphone Xander looked at.  "Problems?" he asked dryly.

"Yup, I'm surrounded by bitches.  Her because I gave enough of a damn to nag a tiny bit about a health problem that would've killed her.  Tara's got Willow anxiety so bad she couldn't come out of the house for a week."  Riley winced at that.  "Buffy didn't even visit."

"Umm...."  He sighed and sat on the floor next to him.  "There's something you didn't hear."

"Worse?"

"She ...didn't call an ambulance either, Xander.  The watching officers called it."  Xander just nodded at that.  "She still has no idea why you're mad."

"I should let her know sometime."

"Joyce got told, Xander.  Graham told her, in person, what had happened as far as we knew.  That's how I knew she didn't call an ambulance.  We talked to the Task Force captain up in New York."

"Ah.  How is he?"

"Glad it'll never happen again.  It can't, right?"

"Another thousand years maybe."

"Good."  He stood up.  "Want to trade cabins?"

"Let me do another two days worth of work so you guys can sell it but I get anything above the original price I bought it for."

"I'll talk to my higher ups."

"Thank you."

"Your phone work?"

"Unfortunately but I'm on a minute contract."

"Sure.  Let me call."  He dialed, getting his boss.  "Sir, Harris said to let him work for two more days so he can make the cabin more attractive.  He wants anything that we sell it for above what he bought it for.  Well, he has done an extensive bit of work and created a lake view.  No, sir, anger.  Yes, I think it was justified."

"Next time, I'll let Buffy face the hell goddess on her own," Xander quipped.  "In an unfamiliar city.  I'm sure they can get Faith out of jail sooner."

Riley repeated that and heard his boss nearly die from the thought.  "He agrees, and wants to make sure they can count on you for the next big apocalypse.  Not the minor things but the huge things."

"Maybe.  If everyone's going to die, maybe."

"I get that."  He told his boss that.  His boss complained.  Riley took it outside.  "She didn't even call him an ambulance, sir.  He has every right to be pissed as hell at both of them.  I would be and I dated her."  He listened.  "Exactly.  Well, I don't think he really cares.  We could have him here freaking out that project."  He glanced inside.  "Sir, I'm standing in front of a chopped wood pile that is approximately six and a half feet high and about twenty feet long.  From the listing, it didn't have a clear lake view but it was about six hundred feet away from the dock.  I can see it very clearly from the porch, sir.  He's not going to budge, sir."

Xander came out to take his phone back, listening to the complaints.  "Shut up, you stupid fucking prick, before I go on Good Morning America.  I do have some press appeal," he said dryly.  "You leave me, Tara, and her cat the hell alone and I'll do the same.  Because I'm still not in a good mood and I am the reason Buffy got that one thing in the mall."  He handed it back.  "Don't use too many more minutes."  He went back to his painting. It was calming him down.  He needed to be calmer.

"Sir," Riley said.  "He's seriously not going to cooperate if you piss him off.  With all respect, Xander's not going to be scared.  Sir, what is he going to be scared of?  Prison," he snorted.  "Uh-huh.  Sir, we're really lucky he hasn't snapped and went off like some people, like Faith did.  Similar backgrounds and he was taking it out on the hunting and in his writing.  I can't negotiate with him if you upset him."  He hung up and walked inside, putting the phone back down.  "He'll agree, Xander."

Xander looked at him.  "I want it in writing."

"I can do that.  Give him a few hours to realize that things were wrong and you're not the fluffy little tag-along they think."

"I never was, no matter how often you guys tried to get Spike to break up the group, or Buffy decided I was normal."  He made another careful stroke with the brush.  "You can assure the people in whatever program they're from I don't care, I'm not going to get involved unless they're trying to end the world too, and then I'll help someone deal with them."

"I'm sure you will," he agreed calmly.  Xander's anger was a bad thing as he was learning.  He might use him as firewood next.  He heard someone coming up the path and groaned.  "Just, stay in here."  He went out there.  "General O'Neill?"

"The kid in a better mood?"

"No.  We have decided to buy the cabin from him, transfer the title to one in the midwest to him, and let him have the extra since he's put some work into it."

"That's fine.  The kid more calm today?"

"No," Xander called from inside.  "Barely."

"He knows he can't talk....."

"He won't," Riley assured him.  "Neither will Graham and I.  We were told you do important work, sir."

Xander came out.  "If your group turns out like their group, I'll have fun helping someone.  Until then, I don't care," he said bluntly.  "Thank your little friend for letting me vent to him."

"How did you know that language?"

"My ex-girlfriend."

"Can we talk to her?"

"She's in a nunnery in Santa Rosa."  He smiled.  "She found faith."

Riley gave him a look.  "Still?"

"Her last letter said it fulfilled her more than sex and shopping did.  Now she understood why I had cursed her to it."

"Cursed?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, cursed."  He smirked at Riley.  "So why is Willow still tormenting Tara?"

"Because her husband isn't mean?"

"Maybe he should be a bit meaner.  Or at least point out that that's cheating, again."

"I talked to her.  She said she didn't say anything to Tara."

"Which was why a week later she was still crying on the cat?"

"Could be," he sighed.  "I don't know.  Buffy stood up for her."  Xander snorted at that.  "I know.  I saw it in action.  I hated it back then.  I'm damn glad my wife is nicer."

Xander snickered.  "Didn't get one of my castoffs?"

"No, she's a Captain."  He smirked.  "Do you think you can not tell anyone anything about this?"

Xander shrugged.  "Unless it becomes necessary or they screw up like you guys did."

"They're not.   They're doing things like you would, even if now and then it's not the best decisions, it's still necessary, important, and saving everyone's butts, Xander."

Xander shrugged.  "Then I don't care and I can stay here for all I care."

"Oh, no," Riley said, shaking his head.  "With their luck, your luck will come out and screw something majorly."

Xander stared at him.  "You know, that wasn't as bad as you think."

"You destroyed how many prophecies?"

Xander shrugged.  "Oh well."

"Fine.  I'm not going to argue with you.  We want you away from their project and them to stay away from you and all other Scoobies.  Okay?"

"Fine."  He looked at the confused looking older guy.  "That good with you?  You get new neighbors?"

"As long as they're not assholes, I wouldn't care," he admitted.  "Do not let NID here."

"Not an issue.  We don't like them either, General."

"Good."  He looked at the boy.  "What do you guys do?"

"Did in my case," Xander said.  "Because right now, I don't care anymore."

"Go ahead," Riley moaned, sitting down on the stairs.

"Weak spot."

"I can tell."

Xander shrugged and took off his shirt, pointing at a few marks.  "What do you think we did?"

Jack stared.  "That's a claw mark."

"Yes it is."

"Um...."

"Go look up Sunnydale," Xander told him.  "There's a very nice FBI report on the town."  Jack nodded, texting that to someone, who sent back one word.  FUBAR.  Xander snickered.  "Yes, in every way.  Which is why the town got given to ODNs."  He went back inside and slammed the door.

"ODNs?" Jack asked the captain.

"Other dimensional natives, sir.  My commander is having our very highly sealed former project released to you so you can swear at us too.  Do know that we did get disbanded, the people who aren't in jail are doing the better version of the job in places that need us, and a few have come to you."

"Uh-huh," he said.  "When am I getting that?"

"Whenever Miller gets it off his email."

"Come with me, Captain.  Explain this shit."

"Yes, sir," he sighed, following him back to his house.  Graham got brought over by some of O'Neill's people, and another general.  "Graham, Harris said we got him wrong."

"How did we get him wrong?"

"Because the people watching never really saw him either.   I swear sometimes he was like Cassandra."

"That wouldn't really surprise me about Harris," he decided, sitting down.  He opened his computer, getting into his email, and handed it to the two generals.  "It's not pretty."

"I'm sure it's not with the way it was sealed," the other general said.

O'Neill looked up a few minutes later.  "Your people did what?"

"We were stopped, sir," Graham said.  "Riley helped shut the program down."

Riley nodded.  "Yes I did.  It hurt like hell to turn against my orders but I did because it was the right thing, sir."

"You're trying to justify this?" Landry asked.

"No, sir.  I was shown how horrible they were to us and them.  They were experimenting on their own people as well."

"You're doing what now?" Jack asked him.

"There's problems that have erupted in other areas," Graham said.  "It's our job to take those out to save lives.  We mostly work in Central and South America."

Landry grimaced.  "We have how many of you in our project?"

"Three," Riley said.

"Four," Graham corrected.  "The fourth wasn't part of that project but he was on the UN sanctioned teams we're both part of.  He does know and has helped protect people in the past, sirs."

"Sir, to be blunt, we do what we do so that the people in the eight villages we saved so far this year don't get used as cannon fodder, slaves, which some were, or as minions when they're eaten and turned.  I'm damn proud those eight villages are still there.  We all know we're in a permanent duty assignment because we won't get to retirement."

"Explain," Landry ordered.

"Girls like Summers last maybe a year at the most usually.  She's lasted longer because she was different and had help.  Our people are going to be lucky to make it ten years.  There's more of us, we're better equipped, we're better trained, but they're still faster, stronger, have magic, which we don't at this time, and can turn people into something we'll have to go through to get to them.  We're all very realistic that we're doing something that needs to be done so more people don't die, but we're also very realistic that we have the life expectancy of the new guy on Star Trek."

"We know you guys don't appreciate this sort of service, Generals, but it's necessary to save thousands of lives every year," Graham added.  "All of us who were in that program regret it now.  We also realize that we created some of the problems going on because we took so many into custody.  It bothered localized chains of command and councils that kept things peaceful.  We're making up for it every day by doing what girls like Summers are, only they can't be everywhere."

"Most of us also agree that one chosen, gifted girl should not be doing this, the military should.  It's our job to protect humanity."  Riley stood up.  "As of right now, Harris is not part of that group but our higher ups still don't want you guys to intermix because he's known to have some very odd issues, like happening into weapons.  Dating evil women who want to destroy others.  Getting hit with mermaid DNA and nearly turning into one."  Landry groaned.  "We all think that Harris and his fantasy novels should go somewhere else.  Far away from the battles since apparently there's problems in that group beyond what we did to try to get Summers as one of us."

"He's that Harris?" Jack asked.  Riley nodded.  "Do we think there's others who do the same job, like he's written about?"

"We're sure there are.  We have no idea who they are," Graham told him.  "If we did, we're recruit."  He would not wonder about a general who read fantasy novels.

"That depends on if they're stable or not," Riley reminded him.  "We're guessing a lot of them got into it because they did them some harm.  We don't want to hire suicide bomber sorts."

"I can fully understand that," Landry admitted.  "I want the names of those four so I can look them over for flaws.  If they have unacceptable ones, you can have them back."

"Yes, sir, it should be in there," Graham said.  "The head of the hunting teams did say that if you guys needed to pull regular military in, we'd be on call first because none of us would blink at anything strange."

"Just thank God that there wasn't tentacles," Riley said dryly.

"Tentacles?" Jack asked.

"Yes, sir, common on some species.  Some are extra arms, some are sex organs.  Most of us are creeped out at the sight of tentacles."

"Is there a possibility that our problems could be mixing with yours?" Landry asked.  "Could they call them up to have them form an alliance or anything?"

"I have no idea," Riley admitted.  "For questions like that I'd ask Angel, in LA, or Harris.  They both have good information networks.  I have no idea how Harris has one.  Angel is a champion for the Powers That Be, those who're over slayers.  He's the main fighter in LA and Summers' former boyfriend."

"Eww," Graham muttered.

Riley shrugged.  "She moved up with me, okay?"

"If you're sure."

"She's dating Hostile 17," he said.

"Again, eww."

"Would Harris know who to ask about that?" Landry asked before they could get into a SG-1-style argument.

"He might actually know the answer, sir, and he might know if there's some species that do let their children go into the military.   We know there's at least some half and quarter demons in the service."

"Crossbreeding capable?" Landry asked.

"Depends on the species," Graham said.  "Some only with other ODN, some with humans, sir."

Jack and Landry shared a look.  "Go talk to Harris, Jack."

"He hates me."

"You got between him and him wearing out his anger," Riley told him.  "I don't know what was going on beyond the thing with the last apocalypse, but he's mad at others too.  Including Tara probably."

"Uh-huh."  Jack walked out, going back over there.  He found the kid on the porch holding his ribs, bent over in pain.  "Our docs are good," he said quietly.  "They won't torture, test things on you, or torment you if you'd like them to look at it, kid."

"I'm fine," he said, making himself straighten up.  "New problems?"

"Questions we had.  Though I can see why you don't like Finn."

"He tried to have the group split.  He cheated on Buffy when he couldn't figure out what to do after they all got busted.  I have a few other reasons too."

"I can understand that.  It seems like he's another that never took you into account."

"Of course not.  He was led around by his dick."  He sighed as the older man sat down.  "What's going on?"

"We have a few questions.  They told us there's some half demons in the military?"

"Yup.  A few different species that I personally know of actually.  Why?"

"Do you think they'd help us defeat the bad things out there?"  He pointed at the sky then let his hand fall.

Xander looked at him.  "I think some of them would think you're crazy," he admitted dryly.  "But if you could prove it to them, they're soldiers like any other and used to strange things.  Some might still freak because things aren't *that* strange at home to them.   Though, I have heard you have a few on base.  Lower grunts who don't have to worry about getting doctored too often."

"That's good to know.  Any others you know?"

"The community in New York was celebrating the life and loss of one who saved an orphanage in Afghanistan," he said quietly.  "They're soldiers if they're there."

"I get that."  He looked him over.  "You look like you're fevered."

"I probably am.  I know I overdid it."

"I can get one of our docs out here."

"Nope.  I don't do doctors.  I don't trust doctors.  I didn't even before them."

"You sure?  They have things like painkillers or antibiotics."

"I'm good.  I have some of both in my kit but I haven't wanted to pull them out."

"Okay."  He looked at him.  "Apparently what you guys did was just as important as what we do."

"I get that.  Your buddy told me."

"Thor."

"Huh, not blond at all," Xander said dryly.  Jack snickered quietly.  "I'm not against you guys doing your job.  I'd hate to do your job.  All I'm worried about is you guys turning into things like them."

"No, never.  We'd be shut down first.  I'd shut us down before then and so would my former teammates."

"Thank you."  He looked at him.  "Why the other worry?"

"Could our problems be forming alliances with them?"

"No.  I made a call back to New York and a kitten poker buddy.  He said, according to their histories, they fought with the slayer and the humans to get them to go away.   That even the higher of their society didn't like the competition and really hated them for being unnatural.  Also, that a few species could tell them on sight.  They said they found one in Arizona a few years back and killed them before they could spread, and his little passenger, whatever that was.  They used a word I wasn't familiar with."

"That's good to know.  Is there any way we could talk to someone like that about joining the program?"

"I don't know.  I'd ask the guys in your present unit if they could pass it back onto their elders, who might meet with you before setting things up.  They're very underground for their own safety.  True demons, the hell born ones, are a lot more open than these guys.  These guys know being funny colored or looking will get them killed."

"I get that."  He looked the kid over.  "Is it the rib or something else?"

"I pulled the stitches on a few infected things.  I used some good alcohol but it's a minor infection.  That and pain.  I'm fine."

"You're not fine.  You shouldn't have been chopping wood."

"No, but I don't like the FBI enough to make them catch me after I chop some people up."

"That's a good point.  From what I was told, I'd be pissed as hell too."  He stood up.  "Can we use you as a source of information?"

"I don't know everything."

"I know that.  No one does."

"There's a whole council full of assholes who lord over girls like Buffy in England.  They're not cooperative, they're pains in the ass who want to kill me for helping her, and they think they know all but they do have a huge library that they wrote."

"Do we know where?"

"In a town by Stonehenge.  If you go to LA to talk to Angel, also talk to Wesley.  He used to be one of them."

"I can pass that on.  Thanks, kid.  You sure?  I mean, it's bugging the hell outta me that you're looking like you're gonna pass out."

"I'm cool.  Don't worry about it.  Just don't bring any evil women home until after I leave or they might migrate.  I'm not ready for that right now."

"Sure, not a problem because they're not my taste.  The blonde yesterday isn't by the way."

Xander shrugged and winced.  "I don't care.  In the state I was in yesterday, I wouldn't have cared if they had been made into sushi."

"I have been that angry.  It eats you."

"As opposed to being happy that everything is going to hell?"

"No.  Need help inside?"

"I'm good.  It should sell for a nice price so I get some extra out of it selling."

Jack smirked.  "Maybe."  He walked off.  "Let me know if you need anything, kid."

"I will, even though I won't."

"Yeah, sureyoubetcha," he agreed, walking off to share that information.  Landry was still there.  The other two were missing.  "We kill them or arrest them?"

"Sent them off before I did either because beating was looking like a good option," Landry said, handing him a beer.  "Anything good?"

"There are demons in the military serving honorably.  The kid said the group in New York was mourning a guy who saved an orphanage in Afghanistan."  Landry moaned, shaking his head.  "We have some in the lower level members on the base.  He said guys who wouldn't have to see the docs too often so they didn't get busted."  He opened his beer and took a sip.  "There's also histories stating that they helped drive off the Gou'ald the last time they showed up.  They're probably in the huge library the council over girls like Summers has near Stonehenge."

Landry smirked.  "I think perhaps we can get some of that from them."

"They're apparently secret society sorts.  Harris said they wanted to kill him for helping Summers since it's not supposed to be that way."

"I know someone in England.  I'll call tomorrow, see if they know these people and can get any history of that war."  Jack nodded.  "You don't look happy."

"A few years back, some Gou'ald got free in Arizona?"

"I think it was a Tok'ra, from what one said about someone disappearing after crashing down here."

"Some demons tore them apart, and his larva, because they could tell he was one of them."

"Even more helpful," he decided.

"I'm worried about that kid.  He was chopping wood and painting yesterday with a broken rib.  He just admitted he had a few infected cuts.  He refused to show he was in pain whenever we were there."

"Sounds like you."

"Which is why I know if he's going to get into the stuff he has on him, it's bad."

"Pop around later."

"I offered to call a doc out for him.  A peace offering, yesterday and today.  He refused.  He hates doctors according to him."

"I don't much like being poked and prodded either," he admitted.

"He showed off scars," Jack told him.  "I don't have that many.  Danny doesn't have that many.  Hell, Teal'c doesn't have that many scars, Hank."

"Crap."  He took another long drink.  "So we think he's about to the point where he's going to do something stupid?"

"From what Miller said yesterday, he nearly did in New York, and the kid did call it an apocalypse."

"Charming!"  He finished his beer.  "Can we talk to him about that?"

"If you want.  I got briefed from Finn, who had talked to Summers and Rosenburg."

He groaned.  "I don't like that 'one chosen warrior' thing they have going."

"According to the file, there's two.  One's in jail."

"Why?"

"Thor said the kid mentioned something about a collateral damage incident but didn't go further than that."

"Why did Thor let himself be seen by him?"

"He was tracking the energy the kid carries.  He wanted to make sure it wasn't some sort of strange weapon being built."

"Energy?"

"Apparently."

"Think he'd let us stick a monitor on him to make sure he's not radiating or anything?"

"No clue.  Go ask him."

"I'll see if I can unstubborn him."

"Bring Cam.  He and the boy are a lot alike.  They both have that 'whatever it takes to get the job done' outlook."

"I'll have him bring a doctor too."  He called the base to get that moving.  When they got to the cabin, he walked them over there, finding the kid curled up against his wood pile on the porch.  "Harris," he said.

"Oh, fuck off for ten minutes," Xander moaned.

"I can't do that, son.  The one you saw yesterday, Thor, he said you were drenched in an energy.  I wanted to know if we could take a reading of it."

"Can't you go to the source in Sunnydale?"

"No.  Not yet.  I need to make sure that you're not radiating and hurting others.  That's why I brought Cam, he's a colonel, and Doctor Lam.  She's my top doctor and she will not hurt you or I'll let Cam shoot her."  He helped the boy sit up.  "She can look at that rib of yours too."

"I'm fine."

"I'm sure you are," Cam said.  "You can relax.  We've all had broken things."

"So you stepped in front of a hugely evil bitch to give your slayer time to hit something bigger, while waiting for the bomb to go off a few feet away?" he asked.

"That sounds like something I would do.  What was this last issue?"

"A hell goddess who wanted to go home by pulling her realm onto earth."

"Hell goddess?"  Xander nodded.  "Anything strange like a snake in her?  Glowing eyes?"

"Fruitcake, sucking sanity out of people's head, robbed a lot of fashionable designers?  No snake.  Sorry."

"Making sure she wasn't one of ours who got loose, kid.  Doc, need help?"

"Please."  She set the case down and opened it.  "It's like an EKG, Mr. Harris.  All it's going to do is read the energy that drew Thor yesterday.  It won't hurt, won't interfere with you, nothing like that."

"I hate doctors."

She smiled.  "No one likes us unless they have mental issues."  She took his shirt off him, wincing.  "That's very infected."

"I cleaned it a bit ago when I pulled the stitches."

"Do we have an antibiotic?"

"Yeah, in my bag.  I've been taking it," he lied.

"Good!"  She looked at his bruised side.  "May I?"  He glared.  "I deal with generals and colonels who make me want to use a stun gun, Mr. Harris.  Please?  It hurts good doctors to see people in this sort of agony."

"I have pain killers."

"That you're not taking."  She gently felt along his side, wincing.  "I think it shifted.  The bones aren't aligned properly."  Xander groaned.  "After this, we can take you to the local ER so they can do that if you want."

"I'll push it back into place later."

"A doctor should in case you start bleeding internally or you puncture your lung, young man."

He grimaced.  "No thanks."  He looked down then pushed suddenly on a spot, making himself flinch and nearly shout a swear word.  "There, better," he panted, bending over.  "Sorry, give me two minutes."

She looked at him.  "You're incredibly more stubborn than this colonel," she said with a nod at Mitchell.  She felt again.  "It's almost back in place."  She looked at him.  "May I?  Please?  I can get it properly aligned."

"If you must," he moaned.

She nodded.  "I must.  I hate seeing people in pain."  She got him laid out and had Cam hold his arms down for her.  "That's all I'm going to restrain."  She felt again then pushed on one spot hard, making the ribs grind but move back into place.  Xander was trying very hard not to scream.  "I think that does it."  She checked his other areas.  No other broken things but a lot of infections.  "That antibiotic isn't working.  Colonel, get it so I can check it."

He went inside to do that.  "His phone's ringing.  It's coming up agent."

"I don't care," Xander said weakly.  "You're mean," he told the doctor.

"Perhaps but it was necessary."  She attached the leads to him and turned it on, staring at it.  "That's a lot of energy."  She adjusted the range up, finding how it was going.  "You're leaking it at an astonishing rate, Mr. Harris."

"I don't glow."

"No, but you should be."  She looked at him, helping him sit up.  She accepted the bottle of water, the two bill bottles, looking at them before she made him take the painkiller with the water.  "This antibiotic is crap.  It's also ancient.  They didn't give you any when you got checked out?"

"Not that I remember when I signed myself out."  He sipped his water.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome but we should find a way to drain that energy out of you.  It could be why I heard you draw evil women."

He shrugged and winced a bit.  "Maybe.  No clue."  He took a drink.  "You'd have to check with the source but it's closed off to humans."

"That makes more sense," she agreed.  "Can I ask someone about how to detox you?"

"Even then, what works on normals might not work on me," he pointed out.  "I do have some genetic ...imprints from incidences.  Like fish DNA."  He took another drink.

She stared at him.  "You have what?"

"Mermaid taint.  Swim team."  He took another drink.  She took the bottle and stared at him.  "The coach wanted to win so badly he was tainting his people.  Some changed.  I went onto the team to see why."  He took his bottle back.  "I have no idea if the possessions did anything like that.  Or the ghost given small pox, syphilis, and measles I got one thanksgiving, but that cleared up when they passed on."

She gave him an odd look then looked at Mitchell.  "That's worse than Jackson."

"We should see if he has that sort of energy or not," he agreed.  "Kid, how in the hell did you do that?"

Xander grinned.  "It's just the way things were on the team."

"I'm never going to your former town," he decided.  "Even if I have to get thrown in jail for disobeying orders.  They might like me too much."

"We definitely can't send Jackson," Doctor Lam agreed.  "But there is sending Carter."  She smiled.  "She's a scientist."

"She's the blonde from yesterday," Cam told him.  "On my team and used to be on Jack's team."

"Okay.  Why do I need to know?"

"Because she hates things like this.  She'll be driven insane by the energy so I'm guessing she might pop up sometime to see if you're still radiating."

"Smart people can be annoying," Xander admitted.  "Especially when they push their smarts on you."

"She tries not to most of the time," Cam promised.  "We just feel inadequate around her because she's got multiple PhD's."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He looked at the doctor.  "Should they put me in a radiation bubble?"

"I don't think so but I do think we have a way of draining the energy out of you if you want.  I have to ask a few people because the last time I knew we were using it on machines."

He shrugged and winced.  "I don't really care."

She helped him sit back up.  "Want me to tape that?"

"I'd rather you removed it."

"That probably wouldn't make you feel much better," she said, laying her wrist against his forehead.  She looked over his chest, frowning.  "That bruise is growing, Mr. Harris.  You're bleeding internally.  General, get the jeep."  Cam jogged off to do that.  "Sure, but I wanted his muscles," she sighed.  They got Xander up and out to the jeep when it came.  She got her case and climbed into the back.  Since he knew....  They couldn't really drop him in the town's hospital with that energy.

"Our base," she ordered.  "That way we can make sure that energy doesn't cause problems."  Cam nodded, driving off as fast as he dared on this twisty back road.  She kept watch on him.  His breathing wasn't too bad.  He was trying to keep calm.  "I'm going to promise that we will not hurt you more than we have to, Mr. Harris.  I'm not going to do any experiments.  I might pull some extra blood to see if I can find that fish DNA," she said with a smile.  "But I'm not like that project you helped stop.  I would've killed them."  He gave her a gentle smile.

"Relax.  It'll be okay.  I promise it will be.  Even if I have to go in to seal those ribs together it'll be fine."  She smoothed over his hair.  "That'll let me give you some heavier antibiotics to knock out that infection too."  He blinked but nodded.  "Good man."  They pulled into the base and she looked at the staring soldiers.  "Get me a gurney now," she snapped.  "Alert the infirmary we have a man with internal bleeding from a broken rib plus some extra energy exposure."  The guard called that order down.  There was a gurney topside in case of emergencies.

They got him onto the elevator, no matter how much he protested being wheeled down like an invalid.  The infirmary was near the elevator thankfully.  She walked in.  "Broken rib started internal bleeding when it was put back into place.  I want him on a heart and blood pressure monitor immediately.  Start an IV with a double dose of the antibiotics we used last week."  One of her nurses moved to get the IV while another hooked him up.  She smiled at him.  "Let me get your jeans off, okay?"

"Hidden spots," he whispered.

"What?"

"Concealed."  He moved something, making it come into view.  "Have to take it off myself."

"Okay."  She wasn't going to ask...yet.  She helped him sit up while he took that and something else off.  A lot more scars appeared and the bleeding looked worse.  She got him stripped out of his jeans, socks, and boots.  He giggled but they didn't mind funny colored underwear or moose print ones.   She inserted a mild dose of sedative so he wouldn't feel it if they had to open him up.  The technology came out to help him with the healing.  She hated broken ribs.  It was an injury that really had no cure but time unless you had something that prompted faster healing.  She saw someone standing in the doorway.  "What?" she ordered.

Cam looked.  "Get in here," he said.  The man blinked at him and he noticed his eyes blinked sideways.  "You know Harris?"

"Is he joining us here?  The world may well end when he dates one of the enemies," he said quietly.

"No.  He moved in next to O'Neill somehow.  We were talking and his ribs nearly killed him."  He walked over there.  "You're one of them?"  The guy gave him a horrified look.  "Yeah, we found out.  Someone named Finn and Miller showed up to try to get him away from us."

"Yes, I am.  I have helped," he said, almost sounding like he was pleading.

"Not like we mind as long as you're not working against us," Landry said, looking at him.  He walked over.  "There's things we did want to know however.  Including if any of your kind could help us in the battles."

"My people must be water and earth bound but there are others," he said quietly.

"Can we debrief you about that?" Cam asked.  "We're not going to hurt you.  Quit shaking.  We're not Finn or Miller."

The demon looked at him.  "Most people are distressed."

"Finn said he only gets creeped out at tentacles," Landry said.

"That is because many of them see him as a fit toy since he had slept with *HER*.  It makes them gain status by proxy."

Landry nodded.  "I understand the concept behind it.  Summers?"

The demon looked confused.  "Short, blonde girl who fights?" Cam added.

"Yes, the slayer."

"Let's talk about this and about why he's got a buildup of energy," Landry said.

The demon looked then at him.  "He is beloved of the hellmouth.  That is why he carries its scent and energy."

"Can we weed it out of him so it can't come out to harm others?" Cam asked.

"I do not know.  I would have to ask the elders and they will not be pleased."

"You can blame it on Finn for overreacting," Cam offered with a smile.  "Because he totally freaked out when Harris told him to tell O'Neill about his thing."

"Then the elders might sell him to one with tentacles," he said with a small smile.

"I think he's married," Landry said dryly.  "But ... I'm not sure I'd mind right now.  Let's go to my office to talk, young man."  He nodded, following him out.  "Doctor?"

"It's not like he's going to wander, sir."

"Thank you," Cam told her.  "Let us know if you need help.  He did not like Sam Carter yesterday.  Compared her to an evil woman."  He left too.  That being had things he needed to know to save their people.  He hoped.  He got Daniel on the way.  "C'mon.  Debriefing in Landry's office."  Daniel nodded, grabbing some paper and a pen to follow.  They walked in.  "I brought Jackson in case he could correlate it back to any other information, sir."

"That's fine," Landry agreed, smiling at the young sergeant.  "I'm sure you know Doctor Jackson."

"Yes, we revere him for coming back as often as *SHE* has."

"Which she?" Daniel asked.  "Was she ascended too?"

"We do not know but *SHE* does dance with death as well as you do."

"That's good to know.  Which she is this?"

"Her name is Summers," Cam said.  "We got a whole lot of information from that guy Finn earlier apparently."

"Enough that I wasn't sure if I wanted to be sick or beat the hell out of them," Landry told them.

Daniel noticed the blink too.  "You blink differently.  Are you down here from another planet?"

"My people are from Gldourat."

"That's another dimension?" Landry asked.  The demon smiled and nodded.  "Harris and Finn both called your type ODN, other dimensional natives?"

"Mostly.  Some are the remnants of the true lines that used to walk this plane.  My family came because there were better paying jobs."

"Okay," Daniel said.  "Another dimension?"

"Yes."

"Huh.  Was it like this one only a bit different?"

"No."

Daniel put his pen and paper aside.  "What are you?"  He said something in his native language and Daniel stared, saying something back.  "That's an ancient language."

"Yes, one of the trade tongues we demons use," he agreed with a beaming smile.  "Most clans know of it and most know at least a few words."

"Demons?" Daniel asked Mitchell then looked at Landry.

"Finn's screwed up project was hurting their kind trying to find new sources of soldiers," Landry said with a smirk.  "Which is why I wanted to kick his ass and Miller's."

"He did help *HER* shut them down," the sergeant told him.  "Now many are amused that higher ones want him for their tentacle jewelry."

"How many other of you guys are there on base so we can talk to you all at once?" Cam asked.  "We're hoping you guys have information on the Gou'ald or Ori."

He sighed but wrote out a list.  Cam took it to get them.  "My people are not warriors.  We are traders."

"That would've been helpful on many early missions when we were looking for allies," Landry told him.

"We were to stay hidden."

"I understand why," he promised with a smile.  "I'd probably do the same thing if I were you guys."  Mitchell walked in with four others.  "The others?"

"Off base."  He shut the door.  "First, let me tell you guys, you did an amazing job of hiding.  We had no idea until Harris moved next to O'Neill."

One moaned, sitting down.  "He is known for warping many things."

"Second," Landry said.  "We don't care what you are as long as you're serving honorably."  They all stared at him.  "I don't personally care if you're from a usually evil race, if you're from a good race, or you're sleeping with bunny rabbits.  As long as you're not breaking the law and are serving honorably, welcome to the SGC."  That got a few timid smiles.  "But I do want to know some things.  Including if there's any historical accounts of the last war with the Gou'ald.  Do any of you have any special skills that could help us here?"

"Or Atlantis," Daniel offered.

"Atlantis has protections.  The Ancients, as you call them, were scared of the higher old lines," one of the new ones told him.  "They had seen what they did to the new species they seeded here.  It was at their consent that the chosen line was started."

"Okay," Daniel said.  "Is there anything like that written down somewhere?  In any format?

The original demon nodded.  "The Watchers have a few accounts and the large library on Sedious does as well from what I'm told."

"They would never let a human up," another one said quietly.  "They see your kind as pets to be trained and kept."

"Are they the ones with tentacles who want Finn so badly?" Landry asked.

One of the new ones burst out laughing.  "It is suitable for his life."

Daniel coughed.  "We've gotten some information on them and what they did."

"They panicked when they found out Harris had moved next to O'Neill," Cam told them, sitting on the edge of a metal filing cabinet.  "We wouldn't have any idea if the general hadn't walked over to see if the noises he heard were some squatter or not.  Unfortunately he got there on a day Harris was throwing a temper tantrum."

The original one looked at him.  "Harris had his reasons for his temper according to the rumors going around.  He was right to wear it out before someone ended up sending him at an army to kill them all so he was relaxed and calm again."

"They'd have to feed him sugar," another one said dryly from the back of the room.  "A box of pixie sticks for ease of carrying and a few cans of mountain dew.  The Gou'ald would be worshiping him to make him leave them alone."

"I'll warn Doctor Lam of that," the general said, making that note.  They all stared at him.

"He had a broken rib that had to be put back into place," Cam said quietly.  "That and one of our allies noted he had a lot of energy buildup.  We were there to check on that reason when he started to bleed from the rib."

"He is in the infirmary," the first one told the others.  "Harris has never hurt us."

"No, he has left us who are peaceful alone," the one against the back wall agreed.  "Most clans appreciate that.  Many more respect him for doing what he had to do, even though it broke the slayer for a few months."  Cam looked at him.  "Her boyfriend of the time lost his soul somehow.  She could not defeat him because she was blinded by her lusts and emotions.  Harris made sure he went away, even though his soul got reapplied a few minutes before.  As was proper with how many more he killed, including one of the fringe members of their group."

"Where did he go?" Landry asked.

"Hell," he said bluntly.  "He had started it and had to close it with his own blood.   Then he came back, she took him back because she was a *girl* instead of a woman, and now he protects LA with her."

"That Angel person?" Landry asked.  They all nodded.  "Was it a soap opera out there?"

"That may depend on who you ask and when you ask about," the one against the wall admitted.  "Especially when you talk of Harris and his place in the group or the slayer's desires."

"I'm betting she dated Finn because he knew about the demons and hunting," Cam said.  They all nodded.  "That's a situation I can appreciate since I can't find a good woman to date either.  None of them want a soldier."

The trader demon nodded.  "That is what happened.  Now she is dating Spike, or so I have heard," he told the others, who cackled.  "He is very fierce but of the same line as Angel."

"I don't need to know," Landry assured him.  "Like I said, we need information, any help that can be given to help us with any of the enemies we currently have, and to know if you have any special skills that can be of help."

"I am still young," the trader told him.

"How old are you?" Daniel asked.

"A mere nine-hundred-sixteen.  Barely out of my family's home."  He gave him a timid smile.  "My mother would be most upset and take my head off for this talk."

"We will make sure she doesn't blame you," Landry assured him with a smile.  "Beyond having a family of traders, do you have any other skills?  Languages, empathy, anything like that?"

"My sister does, and she is old enough to make her own decisions, especially since she has bitten the head off her mate after mating.  She'll want to get away from the eggs until they reach a good age to foster.  She knows many human languages.  She works at the UN."

"That's good to know.  So your people are mostly peaceful traders; you guys travel a lot to other realms?" Daniel asked.

"Basically.  My father sells Verantha skins.  We should give a few to Atlantis," he told the others, who all snickered.  "It could help them and would feed many.  They might even find a way to breed them to help with other trade situations."

"Humans find that meat a bit gamey and sour," the one in the back told him.  "Otherwise, it's not a bad idea.  I can imagine the look on their faces."

"What are they?" Daniel asked.

"Giant slugs we use like you use goats and cows," the trader said with a smile.  "They regenerate and clone themselves.  They don't take much work.  You only have to keep them from eating themselves."

"How big do they get?" Cam asked, looking a bit worried.

"Our family's is a mere ninety feet.  It is still young.  They can live in dark places or some types can live in water."

"They sound handy but we'd have to get them to try the meat before we let them see the animal," Landry told him.  "Humans might think it a bit strange."

"I can understand that.  We do your use of pigs when they are smarter than your pets."

"Some people do keep them as pets," Daniel offered.  "I know someone who kept a miniature pig as a pet."  Cam nodded at that.

"You still do mean things like torment innocent deer," the one against the wall said.

"Bambi?" Daniel guessed.  He nodded. "That's only a movie, make believe, not real.  Animals don't talk human english."

"To their kind, anything like a movie would be considered real somewhere else," the trader said gently.  He smiled at him.  "Were you not watching One Life to Live again?"

"Bah!  Whores and drug addicts, those who defile things that do not belong to them!  That whole world must be a hell to live on."

"I'm sure it would be," Cam agreed.  "So, what are your people like?"

"We are very good warriors," he said, standing up straight and proud.  "If it had been allowed I would have asked to join a team so that I may die in glory instead of in boredom guarding the top egress."

"I can have Teal'c test you to see if you're good enough to put onto a team," Landry promised with a smile.  "Though we don't encourage anyone to die.  We'd rather we lived to fight another battle."

"Every good warrior eventually goes in battle.  If he does at home, he was not favored of the Gods.  It does not matter if it's the first, or the four thousandth.  If he dies outside of battle then he will have to come back, probably as one of those meat slugs, until he is more humble, trained better, and can die properly."

"Just make sure you last as many as you can," Cam told him.  "Truly great warriors teach the younger ones who want to be great."

"Of course.  Otherwise is a mark of lacking."  He went back to leaning.

Landry looked at the others.  "What unique things can you offer the program?"

***

Xander woke up groggy but he recognized the person standing next to him.  "You again?"

"Yup, me again," Sam Carter said with a smile.  "We have managed to soak most of the energy out of you so you're on a better and healthier footing.  Your rib is about halfway to fully healed thanks to some special stuff we have around here.  Your DNA coding drove Doctor Lam to a nap."

"How long was I out?"

"About a day and a half.  The energy sucking solution was an ooze and we usually keep people lightly asleep in it because we had to submerse you.  You had a breathing mask on."

"I wasn't sure if I'd grow gills or not," he said dryly.

"No, not yet."  She helped him sit up and gave him the glass of water.  "She didn't want you to wake up alone and have flashbacks to that other program."

"That's nice of her."

"She's generally a nice doctor but she does use huge needles," Cam said as he walked in.  He was smiling.  "A few of those guys are really good warriors.  We'll enjoy having them on a team."

"Not a problem.  Am I in an alternate world or something?"

"No, we're all happier today.  We found out those four from Finn's groups aren't here on this base but on an associated base."

"The flying one?"

"Yeah, that one.  What's been said about it?"

"Not much.  A few people saluted their bravery and stupidity for going there.  They hoped you guys had a way of getting them back."

"Yes and no but it'll be fine."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "I checked on your house.  Your phone is now out of voicemail space.  I wasn't sure if you wanted them to know you got sick and hurt or not.  One of them you had an email address listed so I did email that one so she could pass it around for you."  Xander moaned.  "Sorry but they were coming about every twenty minutes."

"My agent?"

"Someone that came up Tara.  Another one that came up as a detective.  Girlfriend?"

"Probably wondering if I'm dating again.  Thank you."

"Not a problem, kid.  You feeling better?"

"I ache less."

"That's always helpful.  Trust me, I spent months in one of those beds after a crash."  Xander winced.  "Exactly."  He patted him gently on the shoulder.  "The generals said you could go whenever you were ready to run away.  Doctor Lam did say she wanted one small cheek swab to check something DNA wise."

"Got it," Sam said, holding up the swab with a smile.  "He was snoring."  Xander gave her a dirty look.  "That fish DNA and we found a few other anomalies.  That's all.  No cloning or anything."

"Damn I hope not.  That'd be extra weird even on my scale."  He finished his water and put it down.  "I can just leave?"

"Just don't tell anyone," Mitchell ordered.  "You have a pretty high clearance thanks to all that you've blundered into but please don't.  They will conscript you then if you spill it."

"Not a problem."

"Good."  Doctor Lam walked in pulling up her hair.  "Doc, he's up."

"Swab?" she asked through her hairpin.  Sam held it up.  She finished up her hair. "Excellent."  She gave Xander back his jeans, socks, and boots.  They had been cleaned for him.  "I can steal a scrub shirt for you, kiddo."  She went to get one and came out to hand it over.  "There you go."

"You're probably the nicest torturer I've ever met," he said with a grin.

She smiled back.  "Next time, take better care of it.  If you're that angry, go swim."  He nodded. "Good.  Shoo.  Let me stab someone with huge needles."  Cam and Carter both left.  Xander got dressed.  She escorted him topside and they got him into a familiar car.  Daniel had been waiting for him.  She waved and smiled.  "I tucked your new antibiotic prescription in your pocket," she called after him.  She went back down to the infirmary, much happier now.

Daniel glanced at Xander while they drove.  "So, if I make it to the big library, are there any social customs I should avoid?"

"That depends on who you meet.  If they do let you up, they'll probably assign you an escort.  They should make sure you don't make too many huge social blunders."

"How many societies are there?  Different cultures?"

"Many?  I know originally here on earth there were seventeen major courts that housed Old Ones.  They had full courts, were treated like royalty.  I know right now there's about two or three thousand different planes but some have mixed races, some have single species, and some have some humans on them.  Some of them worked out the human/demon wars so they had a truce.  Some didn't.  Some we're treated like slaves."

"Okay, so species by species," he said.  "Is there any sort of etiquette book?  I'd like to not piss them off if they let me in their library."

"I have no idea.   You might, if you go to LA, ask Spike.  He plays kitten poker with a lot of demons."

"Kitten poker?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," he said, shaking that thought off.  "I know some cultures do eat cats and dogs," he said.  "I can accept that.  They are...eating them, right?"

"As far as I've been told, yes."

"Good.  I can handle that then."  He pulled up in front of the small cabin.  "There you go.  Thank you for the help, Mr. Harris."

"It's not a problem.   Just don't turn out like Finn and them?"

"No, if we start going that way, I'll end them."  He smiled.  "Cam too.  They will not make it to reassignment like Finn did."

"Thanks."  He got out and waved, heading inside.  He heard his phone ringing and groaned, glaring at it.  "No, not right now."  He went to bed.  If they had emailed someone in New York, they'd quit nagging soon.

***

Detective Beckett got into her email, glaring at it.  "Why did Harris email me from a military account?  How did he get my email address?"

"I put it into his phone so he could tell you directly the next time he dated someone deadly.  That way you'd have an easier few cases solved," Castle told her.

She glared at him.  "Thanks, really."

"You'd rather stalk him out on dates like they did in LA?"

"No."  She got into the email to erase it, staring.  "Why do I need to know that he's been injured?"

"You're probably the only email in his phone," he admitted, pulling out his phone to text Tara first.  She had to be frantic.  He called instead, he didn't know if she had text messaging.  "Tara, it's Rick Castle.  We got an email from someone near Xander."  He read it while she panicked.  "They said he's fine, he's out of the hospital just a few minutes ago.  Apparently his broken rib caused a bit of bleeding but he's fine."  He listened to her.  "No, don't.  He should be all right.  They said he got released and is back at the cabin, but that they're going to switch it on him?  Huh."  He listened to her.

"No, calm down.  He's fine.  It says he's fine.  I'm sure he's not.  He's annoyed beyond belief and Paula's probably trying to nag him right now.  Sure, just calm down.  Try later, okay?  I'm sure they gave him good drugs for the rib.  Because I got one from him yesterday that said he was so mad he was chopping wood with it, Tara.  Exactly."  She huffed.  He smiled.  "Just calm down for a few more minutes.  It says he's out and back there.  Sure.  You rest and relax.  Calm down.  Good girl."  He hung up.  "She's nearly frantic and about ready to go out there to save him from whoever emailed you."

"Why did it come from a military account?"

"It was probably the closest hospital.  I have no idea otherwise."

"Uh-huh.  Thank you for doing the notifying."  She erased it and got back to cleaning out department memos.  "How can you chop wood with a broken rib?" she asked finally.  "I could barely move with my last one."

"Xander's tough that way."

"Ow."  She shook her head with a small sigh.  "I don't want to know if any of his past dates tortured him."  She got back to her inbox cleaning.

Castle got up.  "Let me tell Paula to leave him alone for a few days."  He put on his jacket as he walked out.  He hated it when it rained.  He got to her office, finding her ranting that Xander wasn't answering his phone yet again.  "That's because they just released him from a base hospital," he interrupted, making her turn to glare at him while her poor assistant got to flee.  "His broken rib caused some internal bleeding but they got it fixed."

"Why won't he answer the phone?" she demanded.

"Because you're being a bitch," he said bluntly.  "They said he was chopping wood, even with a broken rib, due to his anger issues."  She flinched back at that.  "You need to heal this mess when he comes back.  Before you lose a profitable, decent writer.  I doubt he'll be Tolkein but he's good and you're hurting him because he was trying to be himself and take care of you like he does Tara."  She stepped back.  "I don't know how many times you bothered him since he left, but it stops."

"You know something," she said, eyes narrowing.

"Yes, I do.  Including that no one visited him those three days he was in the hospital."  She groaned, sitting down, running her hands through her hair.  "Not you, not his friends, no one."  She looked up at him.  "From what I've heard, he nearly died then.  That, on top of the depression you caused?  You're damn lucky he woke up.  So quit nagging the kid."

"You like him."

"He sees me as a mentor.  Some day he'll be mentoring new writers who're too shy to face a reporter."

"Fine," she said.  "I'll keep myself calm.  Is he all right?"

"Just out of the hospital.  His broken rib apparently caused some bleeding."

She took a deep breath.  "How could he risk himself that way?"

"Why would it matter?" he asked her.  "You clearly don't like him as anything more than a cash cow.  His friends didn't appreciate him."

"Tara didn't visit him?"

"Tara was sealed in the house crying because of her ex."

"Oh.  So he's mad at all of us?"

"Yup.  Well, you guys.  I haven't done anything wrong."  He stared her down.  "He will take all those books and leave," he pointed out.

"I'll work it out with him," she sighed.

"Good!"  He walked off, going to check on Tara.  Sometimes he felt like the kid's uncle. That wasn't a bad thing.  He was learning a lot of new things doing it, but it was odd sometimes.  He found Tara sobbing and let her hug him when she opened the door.  "What's wrong?"

"He still won't answer."

"They probably gave him something strong enough that he could sleep, Tara."  She looked at him.  "Painkillers can make you sleepy."

"He never takes them.  Nothing bigger than tylenol."

"Then I salute him for having that sort of pain tolerance.  I definitely don't.  My last broken bone I wanted morphine."  She gave him a hesitant smile.  "Now, what happened that meant you couldn't visit him?"

"Um...."

"I heard something about your ex being in town?" he prompted.  She wasn't nearly as hard to read as the kid was.  He was definitely going to be able to add some depth to his characters after dealing with this, and they'd be happier too.

"I didn't want him to know."

"Tara, he knows why you didn't get out of the house in a week from what I heard.  What did she do?"

"She wanted me back.  She's married and ...and I still love her even though she cheated on me but it's wrong."

"It is," he agreed.

"But I cursed her to the marriage so she could be redeemed and be happier again."

He shuddered.  "That's a hell of a curse.  Don't do that to me please.  Two were enough."

She let out a small smile.  "She's happy with him when she lets herself be."

"Were you the first time she cheated?"  She shook her head, grimacing.  "When?"

"She had smoochies with Xander back in high school while she was dating Oz," she said quietly, looking at her hands.  "She told me about it.  Called it a fluke."

"Apparently not.  Some people can't be totally faithful.  Sometimes it's fear of being tied down and sometimes it's other issues.  Which is hers?"

"Probably her parents," she sighed.  "I'd like to beat her parents but that's wrong."

He nodded.  "Probably but a good sentiment.  Drinkers?"

"Traveling psychologists.  Xander's drank but I probably shouldn't talk about him behind his back."

"I figured his parents were bad, Tara.  I do read people rather well."  She smiled at that.  "Relax.  He's fine."

"I should go check on him."

"I'm not sure how long it'd take to get to Colorado."

"About two minutes.  I'll be right back."  She stood up and concentrated, squeezing her eyes shut to 'find' Xander.   She appeared next to him, squeaking when the man in there pulled a gun.  He hit the ceiling when she floated him, making her look up at him.  "That's mean," she said quietly.  "I'm only making sure he's okay.  Who are you and are you a threat?"

"No, I'm checking on him for the doctor," he said casually.  "How are you doing this?"  Because this was wrong!  Physics said it was wrong!  He couldn't find a handhold either.  This was going to end up hurting him a lot.  "Who are you?"

"Don't worry about it."  She checked Xander's forehead, frowning some.  "Poor boy."  She got him a cool compress and put a bottle of water next to him.  "You drink that when you get up, Xander.  Then come home.  I'll make sure you're okay," she whispered, kissing him on the forehead.  She went home.  The soldier hit the floor, hard.

"How did you do that?" Richard asked.

"Magic?" she said with a shy smile.  "It's really hard to do that."

"I'm sure it is."  He stood up.  "If Alexis wants to dabble, I'm sending her to you."  He patted her on the cheek.  "Now, take a hot bath, get ready for all the insanity when he comes back, and eat something, young lady."

"Yes, sir."

"Good girl."  He left, going to hug his daughter.  He hated seeing kids with a world's worth of potential ruined by bastards like their parents.  Tara's clearly had problems too.  He hoped one day to meet their parents.  Just so he could make them regret it.

***

Xander blinked at the thump that woke him up, staring at him.  "What the hell are you doing on my floor?"

"Some blonde just made me hit your ceiling."  He stood up, dusting himself off.  "Doc told the general to have you checked on."

"I'm fine.  Thank you anyway."

"We had to remove someone from Finn's group who wanted to take you into custody."

"I'll go on GMA about them later," he muttered, flipping onto his side.  He blinked.  "Blonde?  You sure?"

"Yeah.  Blonde girl, about your age, long skirt...."

"Tara," he said with a nod.  "If it's a redhead, or a fashionable blonde, feel free to save me."  He yawned and went back to sleep.

Cam stared at him.  "How did she do that?"  He got snored at in response.  "Fine."  He walked out, making sure the door was locked behind him.  At least the kid hadn't reacted like he was a threat.  No weapons had been pulled out of nowhere to deal with him being in there.  Carter had gotten to the porch before the boy started to thrash in his sleep.  He must really hate blonde women.  He walked back into the general's cabin.  "I didn't wake him, the blonde girl who showed up did when she thumped me into the ceiling, held me up invisibly somehow, then let me hit the floor."

"How?" Sam asked.

"Who?" the general asked.

"He identified her as Tara.  Asked me to save him if she's a fashionable blonde or a redhead."

"Summers and Rosenburg by the files," Jack said, letting him see the picture he found.  "Her?"

"Her.  Who is she?"

"Rosenburg's former girlfriend, listed as a fairly powerful white witch," he said dryly.

"I'm sure it wasn't*magic*," Sam said dryly.  "It doesn't exist."

Daniel coughed.  "You never know.  What was that radiation you guys drained off him?"

"It was small particle and wormhole energy," she sighed.  "I don't know how.  We can't get to that town to check it."  She sat down.  "This is all very confusing.  How would there be a semi-stable wormhole or even a proto-wormhole in the US without us finding it on sensors before?"

Jack looked at the guy tied up in his corner.  MP's had to come get him and they were in shift change.  "Well, you got any answers?"

"None that you need to know," he said firmly.

"You know, the kid knows you tried to break in.  He's promised he'll be on GMA in the morning."  The man went pale.  "Now, how did she do that?" Cam asked him.  "Because we'd like to know."

"Magic, just what he said."  Sam groaned, covering her face with her hands.  "You didn't expect magic when you ran into the world of demons?"

Xander knocked on the door, letting Daniel let him in.  "Sorry," he said, hauling the guy up with a wince.  "Apparently someone needs their trash back."  He walked him outside, shoving him off the porch to make him fall down.  He stared at him.  "Has it not occurred to you that your panicking brought them into it?"  The man moaned, backing away from him.  "Not like *I* told them anything about you guys.  All I did was warn Finn someone was going to be looking because the general was a bit paranoid."

"You're....."

"Famous now, yes."  He smirked.  "Delightfully so sometimes.  I'm still hoping for groupies," he said dryly.  The man sneered.  So Xander kindly kicked him in the side, making him howl.  "What's wrong?  Can't take what you and the psycho squad used to give?"  He stared down at him.  "In case you didn't learn the lesson the first time, leave the Scoobies alone or we'll destroy you.  Then we'll have cocoa and party."  He smirked.  "Even if it's just me and Tara doing it."

"Summers will come back."

"Hey, you want her, you go see her.  'Cause that's her call, not mine.  She and the bitch can stay on the west coast for all I care; but remember, if she falls, there's no new slayer until Faith goes."  He started to splutter.  "Yeah, so tough shit."  He kicked him again, making him scream.  "Good.  You deserved it for Oz."  He stared down at him.  "Get on your NID pogo stick and go," he sneered.  "They don't need your kind here."

"I'm not NID!"

"Oh, right," he snorted.

"I'm over their project now, IOA!"

Xander snickered.  "Yeah.  And I *so* believe that."  He looked up and called out something that no one watching understood.  Though Daniel was frowning like he'd heard it before.  A very large, mean looking demon appeared.  The soldiers backed up when the demon smiled and waved at them.  "First, they're decent.  They fixed my rib and took out the hellmouth taint."  The demon beamed at him for that.  "Secondly, this weenie here decided to try to roast something other than himself and apparently snuck into my place?" he asked, looking back at them.

"Yeah, we caught him trying to break in," Cam offered.  "Is he one of the peaceful ones that we'd like to learn from?"

"Maybe."  Xander looked at her.  "Well?"

"Now and then I can be peaceful but humans are fun."  She smiled, winking at Sam.  "You'd be much fun."

"Um, sorry, I'm not open minded enough to date anyone but a human.  I can't even date aliens."  She would not panic because Jack wouldn't ever let her to go anyone or anything as a payment.  Especially not a sexual payment.  Cam either.  Or Daniel if he could save her.  They would save her.  She was sure of it.

The demoness laughed.  "They exist?"  She looked at Xander, who shrugged but nodded.  "Oh, dear.  Like before, in the Great Times?"

"Um, yes," Daniel said, walking down there.  "The ones with the symbiotes have returned and we're fighting them plus the Ori.  We were told about your kind's worlds and realms earlier this week.  We've been looking for information to see if you have any accounts from the last war or anything on either species."

The demoness purred at him.  "You are cute, for being male.  My husband may like you."  She patted him on the head.  "I will ask him if he knows of such."  She looked at Xander.  "This cancels my poker debt."

"Sure, whatever.  Though, he wants to keep Buffy and Willow."

The demoness sneered.  "Neither one is worthy of my tentacle," she said snidely.  "You I would wish to keep if you were female, but not them."

Xander smiled.  "Willow tried to talk to Tara again."  The demon growled.  Daniel backed out of the way.  "Buffy left me there, injured."

She snorted.  "There's many who would appreciate your skills and wish to be your muse, Knight."  She stroked his cheek with a smile.  "We'll see who wins the next game.  Maybe I'll make it strip poker instead of kitten poker."

Xander smirked.  "As long as your tentacle doesn't try anything, go for it.  I'm sure there's a picture *somewhere*."

"Many," she growled.  "I will take this one to my mate," she told the cute thing.  She patted him on the head again.  "He will know if there is anything to help you among our kind.  Though he may ask for...payment for the information.  I think you would look wonderful on his tentacle."  She disappeared with him.

Xander looked at Daniel.  "She's nice.  Her husband has a very dirty mind too."

"They'd want to have sex, right?  Not eat me?"

"Yeah, basically.  Tentacle sex isn't that bad from what I'm told."  He shrugged and winced.  "Okay, now that the NID is gone."  He walked off, waving over his shoulder.  "I need another nap.  I'll be out of your hair soon."

"Sure," Jack called.  "Thanks, kid."  He looked at Sam's phone, which he had stolen and dialed so Landry had heard.  "I wonder if he'll come back."  He hung up on the loud choking noises coming from it.  "I'm not sure I'm going to like that idea."

"Well, better NID than Danny," Cam suggested.  Or him, or Sam, or anyone he *liked*.  Hell, he wouldn't even wish that on McKay.

"Gee, thanks," Daniel said dryly.

"We'll shoot you so you don't have to try it," Cam joked with a smirk.  He was *so* glad things like this didn't happen to him!

Sam looked down at them.  "How did she appear and disappear?"

"I don't know.  Tara did the same thing," Cam said.

Jack nodded.  "They're stranger than we are."  He handed Sam her phone back.  "Don't worry, Danny Boy, we'll make sure you don't end up a blushing bride."

"Thank you.  Beer anyone?"  He went to get himself one before that thought stuck.  They might need the information but he'd try desperately to switch someone else out.  He didn't want to know what tentacle sex was like.  A twinkling happened on the counter beside him.  He stared at it until it solidified.  It was a videotape.  He looked at it, swallowing more beer.  "Sam, they wanted to answer some questions for you."  She took the tape to the study to watch it, letting out a disgusted noise a few minutes later.

Cam looked in there.  "So that's how....  Eww."  He walked off shaking his head.  "We'll try to send someone cuter in your place, Jackson.  I doubt you'd like taking a foot of tentacle."  He went outside to bang his head against the wall.  There had to be something to take that really bad thought and picture out of his head.  Maybe he'd shoot Daniel if they wanted to have him that way?  The guy would probably thank him for it.  He'd reciprocate too, that way none of the team was taken.

"You know, the kid is the most fun we've had out here in years," Jack decided.  He went to turn the porn off.  Sam was still staring in horror at it.  He blinked at how much that human was taking then turned it off.  "Not on my tv, Carter."

"Yes, General," she squeaked.  "I think I need new eyes."  He handed over his beer.  She gulped it on the way to the liquor.  Cam joined her with Daniel.  That was just....so bad.

"We learned something important," Daniel decided before downing a shot.  "They do have corollary societal functions and ideas."

"If you say they're good because they have porn, I'm going to hand you to the next Prior," Cam warned.

"No, but it's interesting that they evolved the same outlets we have, even though they don't do it the same way."  He poured himself another drink.  "Think we can give it to a few of the Marines?" he asked Sam.  "Take volunteers?"

Sam and Jack both moaned and shook their heads.  Cam was choking.  "Sure, you suggest it to Landry," Jack told him.  "Have another drink, Danny."  He got one of his own.  "Maybe I can send it to the social scientists on Atlantis," he said dryly.  "Freak them out a bit so they know that demons are real too."

"What did Sheppard do this time?" Sam complained.

"Don't ask.  Really."  She groaned, taking the bottle to drink from directly.

"Well, they might like one of the scientists," Daniel said.  "They're smart, want to learn, a few of them would willingly go on their backs for new ideas and things."

"Shut up," Cam ordered.  "Please?  Before I have to see McKay doing a tentacle?"

"Sorry."

"Here, drink," Sam ordered, pouring him another one.  Daniel nodded, gulping it down.  "Sorry about your liquor cabinet and vacation, sir."

"Yeah, I'm sure we all are."  He got another beer to drink.  Those three could get drunk all they wanted.  He was still going to send that charming tape to Atlantis so he never had to see it again.  Plus info on the demons.  Maybe they had demons up there?

***

Xander looked at his new cabin, then at Riley.  "It's bigger."

"It's cheaper to buy here."  He handed him an envelope.  "They decided to buy the old cabin for other staff members who need some time fishing.  They appreciated all the firewood too."

"It helped."

"I'm sure it did."  He handed him the keys.  "Four bedrooms but one's more a bunk room.  Kitchen is rustic beyond belief.   Doesn't need much work beyond some painting and sealing.   The kitchen is crap.  It's an old wood burning stove."  Xander beamed at that.  "It can be moved if you want.  Or build around it."  He gave him a shove.  "Go.  It's yours."

"Thanks.  How much extra did I get?"

"Enough to do the kitchen."  Xander beamed and went up to look in the windows before he opened the door.  Riley left, going to report to his new boss.  Since his old one was being a tentacle toy.  "Sir, we moved him successfully so he could no longer warp that important project.  He's very happy with the new cabin.  It's a bit bigger and only needs minimal work.  They did pay extra for all the work he had done and the firewood."  His boss said something.  He nodded.

"Yes, sir.  He's all settled in.  I moved the tools, his things, and he didn't bring any weapons.  Which is shocking considering it's Harris.  No, sir, the team is presently broken up outside of major apocalypses.   Because Summers didn't appreciate him again.  Rosenburg also tried to talk to Maclay so she didn't come out of the house for a week.  It was nice that they did leech out the extra energy from the hellmouth.  He's better.  His ribs are barely sore or he's claiming they are.  Yes, sir, it's all settled.  They bought that one for him.  Yes, sir, I'm heading back tonight.  The last director?  Um...."  He considered it.  "He tried to annoy that project after trying to annoy Harris.  Harris introduced them to a poker friend who took the last director home as a tentacle toy."

His present one coughed and spluttered.  "They were going to have him arrested anyway, sir.  Not much difference when you're in prison beyond it being a demon instead of a human.  And it's better than my team being taken this time, sir.  Yes, sir, tonight.  You have a better day too, sir."  He hung up and smirked.  He was sure his past director was *enjoying* himself a lot.

***

Castle sighed, looking at the moping person in front of him.  "Have you even talked to him?" he asked her, going back to his writing.  She had invaded his space very early.  Usually he was in bed but his daughter had needed a ride to school.

"No, he won't take any calls.  Not even Tara's."  Paula huffed.  "I don't know what's wrong with him."

"Every female in his life acted like a bitch," he said dryly.  "Including you.  What did you want him to do, crawl and beg for caring?"

"No!"  He stared at her.  "I was upset."

"Then I'd tell him that."

"How can I if he doesn't answer his phone?" she spat.

"Convention."  He smirked.  "Tara's going too."

She sighed.  "You think?"

"He hasn't missed one yet."

"Good!"  She stomped off.  Rick waved at her back, smirking at it.  He sent an email to Tara about the convention.  She made the reservations for them.  He had to find the kid since some government cover up had moved his cabin.  He wasn't sure what the kid had done this time.  He was only supposed to be healing, how had he run into a covert government project this time?  And was it really bad enough that they had to relocate his *vacation* home but not his regular home?  Then again, if he asked he might get freaked out so he might not ask him after all.  Just figure out where he was so the women could nag him in person instead of Paula complaining to him when he was trying to write.

He saw one from the kid and smirked, looking at it.  It was short and simple and said he was on his phone.  He wrote one back reminding him of the convention.  He didn't say that he was going to be ambushed.  The kid needed it.  He did send a second one wondering about the relocation.  That one got answered.  "Interesting.  I thought they got disbanded."  He sent that back and reminded him again about the convention.  Someone had to ask good questions in the newbie panels.

Of course, the usual happened and his muses hit right after talking to the kid.

He had no idea why that happened.  He desperately wanted to know why, because right now he wanted to run to the bathroom and couldn't because he would lose what they had just given him.

***

General Landry looked at the picture on his monitor.  It was taking an incredible amount of power.  "Colonel Sheppard, I have sent you a tape General O'Neill was given by some ODN beings that are looking helpful for our fight.  Find out if there's anything like that in your galaxy.  It's not something to watch around others, to put it bluntly, but it was sent as an offer by one of the ODN to Doctor Jackson for some information being exchanged.  I also sent you the details of a closed, sealed, and buried project, of which you have three members and another who later served in another problem squad that was related back to it.  I want formal evaluations of what sort of screw ups they are and if they're still in the same mindset.  It was not pretty, it included torture, and yes they are real."

"Sir, is the tape something that I should lock up?  Classified?"

"No, the ODN being was propositioning Doctor Jackson sexually."

"So it's porn?"

"Yes.  Unfortunately.  We had a lot of very drunk people thanks to that."

"What's an ODN?"

"Other dimensional native."

Sheppard gave him an odd look.  "Really?"  Landry nodded.  "Huh.  Okay.  This project, how bad?"

"I was ready to kill the two people that ended up disclosing it because General O'Neill's fishing cabin got a new neighbor they were worried might corrupt us."

"Interesting.  So these four?"

"Three were with the project.  The other was on a later covert, problem solving team that was sanctioned by the UN.  We know they didn't fight back against that project.  We need to know if they're still fuck ups and how badly.  Plus if you have demons in your galaxy."  He hung up to save on power.  Now, Sheppard could have a headache.  With their luck, the tape would be a warning because everything with tentacles in that galaxy would want them.  The two 'first' teams seemed to have problems like that.  And now, Jackson and Mitchell could quit drinking and Carter could quit drinking while doing physics and math, before she blew up somewhere else by accident.

John Sheppard walked out, taking the box from the newly arrived supplies.  "Is this what General Landry sent?" he asked.

"Yes, sir.  As far as we know.  It's the only thing addressed to you."

"Thank you."  He went back into his office, darkening the walls so no one could see whatever was inside.  Sure enough there was *two* tapes now.  One had a bit of stuff on the side so he'd get to clean that off.  He would not ruin the only VCR on Atlantis with it.  There was also a CD and a printed booklet.  He looked at it first, grimacing.  "Demons?" he muttered.  He ran the CD and got into the files.  That...  Okay, yeah, they were fuck ups.  Bad fuck ups.  He paged McKay.  "Bring a swab," he added at the end before hanging up.  The head of the scientists and his friend got there a few minutes later.  "Figure out what that slime is."

"Why is it on a tape?"

"I don't know," he admitted.  "But it's probably not a pretty tape."  McKay grimaced, looking at the writing on it.  "Is that Ancient?"

"No, it's a related language."  He scraped off all the goo and used a tissue to get the rest with some alcohol.  "What's the booklet and whatever you're reading?  New information?"

"About a sealed and buried project that we have members of."  He looked up.  "What would you say if I told you the military had evidence of demons and other dimensional natives?"

"I'd call the medical team immediately.  Should I?"  The screen got tipped toward him.  "That makes no...."  John started one of the video files, making him grimace.  "What is that?"

"I don't know," John admitted.  "Landry sent it to warn us some of their people were here, and to see if we had any in this galaxy.  Those two are probably both porn, apparently someone wanted to Jackson to exchange his ass for information."  He shut down the show when it got too gruesome for him.  McKay was nearly growling.   He found the listed personnel.  Three were highlighted.

"They missed one.  He's in botany," McKay said.

"I'm to do an eval, see if they're still like that and fucking up, and we need to see if there's any in this galaxy.  The enclosed note in the booklet said that they've been around longer than the ancients."

"You can have him.  Shall I gather?"

John pointed at another name.  "Him too please.  Apparently they went from this to a UN sanctioned problem solving team."

"Wonderful," he said snidely.  "Can we space them?"

"I haven't decided yet.  I might use them as wraith bait if they're still like this."  McKay nodded.  "Get the soldiers first, then I'll deal with yours."

"That's fine.  May I have those notes in case they become pertinent?"

"See if the database has anything on them first.  The note from Landry said that they were around and helped during the first war with the Gou'ald."

"Gladly."  He left.

Woolsey walked in.  "Is that important information?"

"On a closed, sealed, very bad idea of a project.  We have some of their members here and I'm to see if they're still that evil."

"That's fine then.  The tapes?" he said, noticing them.

"Some ODN beings have come into contact with the main base.   They propositioned Jackson in return for information.  We're to see if there's any up here and if the database knows anything."

"ODN?"

"Other dimensional natives."

"Dimensions?"  He came over to look.  John let him have the booklet.  He read it.  "Is General Landry having a mentally unstable moment?"

John looked at him.  "The tapes are demon porn, Woolsey.  Don't believe me, run them.  The top one had goo on it.  McKay wiped it clean so watch out."

He took them to run, shooing everyone else away from the VCR.  What he saw horrified him.  They wanted members of the military to do *that*!  How dare they!  He switched tapes and the second one had more beings.  "Hold on, is that a wraith?" he asked, his mind latching onto a scientific piece of evidence.  "McKay to the tv room," he called over the comm.  He came stomping in.  Woolsey rewound it.  "The figure in the back, is that a wraith?"

He looked, ignoring the things going on.  "Possibly.  It looks almost the same but the eyes are different."  He ejected the tape.  "I'll have one of the mealy minded ones figure that out."  He walked off with both of them before they warped more Marines.  No wonder Jackson was drunk!  He'd be drunk too if they had alcohol up there.  It was thoughtful of him to email him a drunken warning.  Now all he needed was to not have to see those ever again.  Because of course they'd want him for his giant brain if they had wanted Jackson for his.

Back in his office, Sheppard had turned off the teleplay of that 'testing video'.  "Now, we're going to talk.  General Landry got told and is not pleased."  The four Marines didn't look pleased that he had that video.

"Sir, I wasn't part of that," one said.

"No, you were part of the later teams.  Or so I was told."  He stared him down.

"Colonel, we took out problems that were eating, killing, and making slaves of people," he said firmly.  "That stuff sickens me to hell and back."

"Good!"  He looked at the other three.  "How many of you are there on base?  We know about one in botany."

"One in astrology," one whispered.  "How did this get known?"

"I bet they had a case in Sunnydale," the one next to him said.  "It's screwed up enough to get attention that way."

"From what General Landry said, O'Neill's fishing cabin got a new neighbor and the people behind this crap freaked and ended up exposing it."  Sheppard looked at them.  "I want an account of what you did, why you did it, if you're still having urges to do it, and if you have done it in this galaxy or on any other SG trip.  Let me make myself perfectly clear that if I don't like your answers, you won't be here and if I find out you've lied, I'll use you as wraith bait.  Am I clear?"  They all nodded.  "That includes you," he told the non-member.  "I want it by tonight.  Consider it confession.  Especially since one of them approached Jackson for an information exchange sexually.  We're to find out if there's any in this galaxy and if there is you'd better hope like hell you don't have a flashback and make things harder on this project."

"Yes, sir," they agreed, standing up and saluting before leaving.

"I want that other name," he called after them.  "I'm meeting with them next."

"Yes, sir," one said.   He went to gather them and hand them to Sheppard.  And one he barely recognized.  Sheppard gave him a look.  "Sir, I know she was there but I'm not sure in what area."  He left to write out his confession/suicide note.  Sheppard was a hard ass when he needed to be and they would be given as wraith bait.  There was no way he wouldn't know if they weren't lying.  They had the files from the project.  He was so dead.  He ran into McKay.  "Sir, I was told Jackson was approached by one.  How do we know this?"

"Two tapes," he said dryly.  "Can you identify species?"

"We gave them designations, sir."  He looked around then pointed.  "The British guy might know more though.  I have reason to believe he's a Watcher, from their council."

"Which means....."

"There's a chosen, mystically chosen, warrior female that they control and lord over the line of, sir.  Their job is information gathering."

"Mystics now?' McKay snorted.

"Sir, my project was brought down by a carpenter, that female warrior, two witches, and one of their sort," he said bluntly.  "Yes, magic is real.  Rosenburg scared the crap out of us a few times."

"I see."  He stared at him.  "Do we think he can identify those creatures on the tape?"

"I'd hope so, sir.  That's his job if he's one of them.  If he's not, he'd know which one was on base."

"Thank you.  Do whatever Sheppard has you doing before he guts you for that."

"Sir, I found three in the labs," he said quietly before he could walk off.  "I delivered them to him."

"Then I might consider having the doctors drug you before we hand you to a wraith."  He walked off to get that one, hauling him up and out onto the balcony.  "You're what's called a Watcher?"

The man stared at him.  "What do you mean, Doctor McKay?"

"General Landry sent information on a closed project out of Sunnydale."

"Aw, shite!" he complained, grimacing at him.  "Yes I am.  The Council wanted to know if there's demons up here."

"So do we now since apparently they have information on at least the gou'ald and possibly the Ori.  If not the wraith and Ancients too.  I want everything you have and there's tapes for you to identify species on."

"Tapes?" he asked with a grimace.

"Doctor Jackson got approached by an ODN being for an information exchange.  They gave him encouragement to enjoy it."

"Oh, demon porn."  He grimaced.  "I can."

"One looks like a wraith?"

"It's a cousin to them.  A succuba crossover from what we think.  It doesn't eat life force.  It eats DNA from sperm."  McKay gave him the most horrified look.  "Can I get into the Initiative's files?"

"That's up to Sheppard.  I'd suggest you bring what you know to him."

"I can do that, sir.  Thank you."

"I'll be there as well.  Especially with the goo we found on one tape."

"It's probably slime or ichor, Doctor McKay.  Some are like that and one even shoots paralyzing snot."  He walked inside, going to his quarters to get the one personal item he had carried to Atlantis: a magical trunk full of shrunken books.  He walked into Sheppard's office.  "Doctor McKay said you wanted to talk to me with him present, sir."

"Why?  Were you part of that program?"

"No, sir, I'm with the Watchers Council.  It's our job to help the Slayer.  If that's the Initiative's files, her name is Summers."

"She's listed," he admitted.  "What do you know?"

"Quite a lot; it's our job, sir.  Doctor McKay said he wanted to be here for this."  John paged him and he came in looking disgusted.  He opened the trunk and took out the shrunken trunks inside to open them.

"How did it do that!" McKay demanded, taking one to look over.

"Magic."  He shrugged.  "We deal with it more than we do technology.  Half the Council doesn't even like computers."  He looked at something and handed over a specific book.  "One of the identification manuals.  We have about thirty of them then on various species."

Sheppard flipped through it.  "Why give me this one?"

"About page three hundred and eleven, sir.  A cousin to the wraith."

John found it, reading it over.  McKay snatched it from him.  "Interesting."

"I was ordered to identify beings on the tapes that got sent and to help you see if there's any in this galaxy?"

"Plus find out if there's anything in the databases."

"I'd assume there was since the Ancients made the slayer line, sir.  They were not fond of the demons who used to rule the world."

John stared at him.  "Jackson will want to know that."

"I'm sure he would and I'd never let anyone sane go to one of them as a plaything, Colonel.  That'd be evil of me."

"Good."

"How was this found out?"

"Someone moved next to O'Neill.  They ended up disclosing it."

"Hmm.  Must be Harris.  He tends to get things mixed up that way.  That's why the Council has a bounty on his head, for stepping in and messing things up."

"Does he know this?" McKay asked.

"That we hate him?  Probably.  The bounty I'm not sure about."

"I'll pass that back to Landry so he can tell whoever," Sheppard decided.

"That's fine, sir."

"Let's go over this."  The guy pulled out another book.  "History?"

"A true history, yes, Colonel.  Including Ancients.  Most of the time they were taken out and just called humans in our history books."

"Thank you.  Show McKay how to do that."

"I can barely light a candle.  These were sent to me already packed, sir.  In case I needed them.  I've been wanting to test Miss ...."

"Hell no," Sheppard interrupted.

"We think she has the same gifts as a slayer."

"She'll end you too," he assured him.  "No."

"It's a simple skin scraping into a solution test," he offered.  "It will not harm her.  Since the Ancients made slayers, that is one question we were wondering about.  Or if the ATA gene is related back to the slayer line."

"Most of them are males," McKay reminded him.  He looked at him.  "This seems very scientifically done.   Did we do like the others have?"

"I have no idea but we do not currently do scientific research that way.  Our research council is now more focused on improving the slayer genes and taking unsuitable girls out of line without killing them."

"That's barbaric," Sheppard said bluntly.

"There's a lot of us who want to change the system but we're not in charge.  Quentin Travers is.  He adores the old ways because it gives him more power over the slayers.  He sees them as his personal army.  Summers does not conform and he hates her for that.  Unfortunately with the way that Harris brought her back to life we have two.  It's not Summers' death that will call the next into being so we have to leave her alone until she dies in a battle.  Then the slayer Lehane would either be killed in prison or gotten out so she could do her duty until she passed on and a more suitable slayer was called."

"Still barbaric," Sheppard assured him dryly.  This was not amusing him.

"It's not my call, sir.  It's Travers' and he's an ass."

"I think Landry will hear about him," Sheppard said, starting a new list of notes about this stuff.  "Did your people know about this project?"

"The backers, not exactly what they were doing or we would have laughed."

"Their files have something on werewolves."

"We have known for a while that there is a way to go around the common problems that they have, outside of the allergy to silver.  Some Tibetan monastery has a way to help them control the shifting."

"We can get into specific examples that aren't pertinent up here later," Sheppard decided.  "For now, tell me how badly this is fucked up and how many ODN are in this galaxy."

"I've only found evidence of a few tribes," the watcher said.  "All peaceful and apparently extinct thanks to the wraith."

"That's a good place to start," McKay said.  "Identify them in case we run into them."  He pulled out another book with a sigh.

***

Xander walked into the convention and took a deep breath.  He could do this.  "This is nice."  They had switched the convention to a more upscale hotel this year.  A lot more glass and modern fixtures than the cheaper Hilton they usually used.  He went to the bar.  Castle was in there.  "Thank you for nagging."

"You're welcome, kid."  He looked at him.  "You look good.  Toned.  Way too much weight lost."

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, I heard you said that right before you nearly passed out at the feet of a cute doctor."  He smirked.  His contacts had giggled about that and him nearly beating a general for being a nosy neighbor.  "How cute?"

"Very but huge ass needles.  A lot of smartasses though and I made people panic just by showing up.  I didn't know I was that strong."  He sat down.  "Beer?"  Castle gave him a sideways look.  "Flight had nothing but sneezing and crying."

"I can understand that.  Mine too," he sighed.  "Thankfully business class had a privacy curtain that cut some of it out."  He took a sip.  "So you're healthy?"  Xander nodded.  "Still stuck?"

Xander snorted.  "My demented muses are having a field day giving me nightmares."

"Puppies?"

"Garden gnomes for some reason.  Paisley shirt, brown pants, neon blue hats, huge noses, dancing and signing around about how they were going to drive me insane.  During the last one I think I told them they weren't because I'd give them up for good.  I haven't had it for two days."  He handed over his new PDA.  "It's the big file."

Castle got into it, snickering at it.  "That's something we've all had."  He kept reading, giggling as he went.  "It's cute."  He looked at the kid, who looked upset.  "She's going to apologize."

"That's nice."

"The others haven't?"

"No.  Not that I'm in the mood to hear it from them."

"They're not here.  Relax."

"Good.  Thanks."

"Welcome.  Paula is."

"You can give her that."

"I might print it to hand out to the newbie panel."

"Go ahead if you want."  He finished his beer.  "Let me nap before the first panel."  He turned and nearly ran into someone.  "Tara?"

"The kitty misses you."

"I miss you both too."  He gave her a hug.  "It's okay.  You'll like the new place.  It has bedrooms."

She sniffed him.  Then she pulled back.  "Graphite?"

"Don't ask."

"Okay."  She backed off.  "You're coming home?"

"Yeah, after this."  He smiled.  "It's going to be okay."

"Are you writing?"

"I made the demented dreams stop."  He pointed at his PDA.  She took it to read, giggling.  She corrected some things on him too.  He grinned at Castle.  Then at her.  "Let me nap?"

"Of course."

"The others?"

"Here in LA somewhere.  Still confused why you got so mad."  She looked at him.  "I talked to Joyce.  She's going to beat her."  Xander beamed, kissing her on the cheek.  He went up to his room to rest after draining his beer and putting down a few dollars.  She looked at him.  "Do we think it's still a problem?"

"I don't know.  It's nice that I haven't needed to go write myself after talking to him."

She punched him on the arm, then blushed.  "Sorry."  She handed back the PDA.

"That's his but I was going to print it for the newbies."

"He bought a PDA?"

"Yeah.  Why?"

"No new royalty checks in weeks," she said quietly.

"He said he got extra from the sale of the first cabin."

"You talked to him?"

"I nagged him a few times to remind him about the convention."  She punched him again and left him with the PDA.  He smiled, going to the in-hotel copy center to run those off.  It was only a few pages and the newbie panel would like that.  Paula found him first so he handed her a copy.  She was muttering while reading it.  He finished running them off and went to drop them in the room.  He waved at his co-panelists.  "Two hours, right?"

"Yup."  She went back to typing on her laptop.

"Make sure the new writers get those.  Harris wrote them because his muses were tormenting him."  She snickered, taking one to read.  She cackled.  "Exactly.  I thought they might like that."  He went to find Paula, who was talking to Tara.  "He's resting.  The flight had a lot of crying and sick people."

Tara shrugged.  "I think he's probably tired from whatever reason that made him smell like graphite more."

"He really needs to stop that," Paula complained.  "Before he gets too hurt."

"He's a white knight, Paula.  He'll never stop it."

"He'll end up dying."

"You're damn lucky he didn't die last time," he said quietly.  "So quit nagging and apologize already."  He walked off.  His daughter was here.  He grabbed her and walked her back.  "Alexis, this is Tara.  She's like Xander's sister.  She's got a lot of brains and she's a librarian."  He walked off again.

Alexis looked at her father's back then at Paula.  "Huh."

"He's going strange.  He needs to get laid or something."  She sighed and walked off.

"Okay."  Tara laughed.  "My father's being strange."

"I think all writers are a bit strange," Tara told her quietly.  "Xander forgets to eat."

Alexis smiled.  "I've seen him do that to my dad somehow.  So, what do you do besides library stuff?"

"I help my aunt sometimes at her herbal store."  She looked around.   "Chairs?" she suggested.

"That's a good idea.  These shoes are new and they hurt."  She walked over to talk to her.  Her dad clearly wasn't hitting on this one so it wasn't an 'introducing the new stepmom' meeting.  But she seemed kind of cool in her own way.  Maybe.  In a few minutes they were giggling.  Tara definitely understood her better than her dad did.

***

Xander looked up from his coffee when someone sat next to him.  "Hi, Paula."

"Xander, I should not have sniped at you.  You were right, I was getting too sick, and I was wrong."

He gave her a hug.  "I won't fuss."

"Yes you will," she sighed.  "You're that sort of person."  She stared at him.  "I don't mind but don't do it in public, don't think that you've got the same rights as a sibling, and I won't complain too often back.  Deal?"

He nodded.  "I can handle that.  Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine.  Are you still blocked?"

"My muses are demented."

"I saw that story.  Nothing?"  He shook his head.  "At all?"

"A small nibble but no.  But hey, I've got five years of stuff backlogged."

"Yes you do.  Have you had this before?"

"Slow down during apocalypses?"

"But you're over that one."

"It could be where you're injured," Tara said, giving him a kiss on the head as she and Alexis walked past.  "I'm going to blow my paycheck."

"Go for it," he said with a smile.  He handed her his wallet, getting a look back.  "I'm sure I have a royalty check somewhere, Paula?"

"Or four."  She handed them to Tara.  "If you had told me I would've let you deposit them."

"Sorry."

"It's okay, she's mean," Alexis told her.  "C'mon.  There's some great stores up the street."  She walked off with Tara.

"Make sure nothing like our stuff runs into her," Xander called.

Tara smiled.  "They're at Joyce's.  I checked."  Alexis looked at her.  "My ex-girlfriend."

"Ah."  She smiled.  "My mom's somewhere in town too.  I'll snark at yours, you can tell mine off?"

"If I can.  I'm not usually that sort of girl."

"Don't' worry, she'll annoy you enough to get past the shyness, Tara."  She took her arm, leading her up to the bank and then to the stores.  She introduced Tara to some hipper clothes.  She talked her into some pretty pants outfits.  Tara introduce her to a goth shop that had a dress that looked stunning on her.  Not that her father would like it.  It was black, had leather highlights, and a corset.  It made her look a lot more womanly than she was with the new bras they had just bought.

Tara looked up when someone came in, groaning quietly.  "Daniel," she said quietly.

"Tara."  He stared at her.  "She tried something?"

"Tried, I turned her down," she promised.

"I know."  He looked at her.  "I don't know what to do about her."

"Maybe she's scared?  Alexis' dad thought that she might be scared of being committed."

"She cheats on me and she'll need to be committed," he said dryly, his accent making Alexis sweat.  He smiled at her.  "You're cute but I'm married, young thing."

"A girl can swoon, right?"

"Definitely."  He looked her over then Tara.  "If you goth her up too much, her parents might mind."

"I don't think she needs to goth up more."  She pulled down something and handed it over with a wink.  "I had one like that."  Alexis went to try it on.  She looked at Willow's husband.  "I tried."

"I know."  He patted her on the arm.  "Think she'd like to have a baby?"

"I think she'd freak but she might be okay once she calms down.  I'd worry about her magic."

"No, that shit's gonna stop except for emergencies," he assured her.

"She tried a memory spell," she said quietly.

"On you?"  She nodded, swallowing.   "I don't believe in beating my women but that one...."  He sighed, giving her a gentle hug.  "I'll talk with her.  She's mine now and I'll handle it or I'll have a priest fix her."  She grinned, shaking her head.  "Do you two need an escort back?  Buffy's up this way."

"Oooh.  We're going back to the convention."

"She knows he's there."

"Crap."

"I'll try to divert her."  He winked at Alexis.  "Well, that you look much more innocent and like some ancient rite was about to take you."  He walked off with a blush.

Tara looked and nodded.  "You do."

"Good!  I can wear it to a dance."  She bought both outfits and walked off with Tara and their bags.  "Is everything okay?"

"My ex is somewhere around here.  Buffy's going to talk to Xander and he's going to scream at her.  I don't want to get in the middle of that."

"Good.  You shouldn't.  He should be able to yell at her if she did him wrong."  She got them a cab and headed to her mother's condo.  "I think it's time that I said hi.  Do you mind?"

"No, not at all."  She smiled.  "I'll be your backup."

"Thank you."  She paid and they got out with their bags, heading up to the right place once Alexis had signed them in with security, who took the bags for now.  She walked up to the door, pausing.  Tara patted her on the back.  She winked and knocked.  Her mother opened the door, goop on her face, towel around her hair.  "Mom."

"Alexis?" she demanded, staring at her.  "Oh, my god, what are you wearing?"

"I like it.  I bought it for a dance.  This is Tara.  She's the sister of a writer Dad knows."  She walked inside with Tara.  "We're breaking our path because Tara's former girlfriend is trying to do stupid stuff.  So I thought I'd say hi."

She closed the door, staring at her.  "She's not trying for you?"

"No!" Tara complained quietly.  "She's much too young for that!"

"Good!"  She sat down, staring at her daughter.  "You look like an old painting in that."

"Cool.  Dad can't say I look too old."

"No, he can't," she sighed.  "So, you're in town for a long time?"

"Writer's convention."

"Oh, that thing.  Let me get presentable."  She went to wash off the goop and do her hair.  She came out expertly dressed and looked her daughter over again.  "You're getting too old."

"Sorry."

"No you're not," she sighed.  "I never was.  Is Martha in?"

"No, Grandma's at home.  Paula's here."

"That's fine.  We can talk about him behind his back.  Come on, I'll drive you two back.  Before my boyfriend sees you two and figures out I lied about my age."  Alexis laughed at that.  "He might hit on you both, dear."

Tara shook her head.  "No.  Not my thing, thank you anyway."

"Good.  Though you'd have to train him in bed.  I am."  She let the girls get their bags from security while she got her car out of the garage.

"Maybe I should change into the other dress?" Alexis asked.  "It makes me look less ancient."

"Please don't.  I'll feel even more ancient," her mother complained.  "Or does it make you look more innocent?"

"Not hardly.  I look like the goddess I am in this dress debauched me and made me a woman in that one."

Her mother moaned.  "I want to see it.  So will your father."

"Dad will.  I'll wear it to dinner."  She beamed.  "Conventions are meant for fun.  He even complains I don't get very wild."

"That dress will cure that," she decided.  "Remember to use reliable birth control because I would not stand being a grandmother yet."  She got directed to the hotel and they walked in, Tara walking Alexis around Buffy and Xander having a fight.

He spotted her, she noted when he noticed her.  Buffy didn't.  Security was going to try to break them up.  She tapped one on the arm, shaking her head.  "Don't.  She'll attack, she had martial arts training," Tara said quietly.  "Let him move them.  They're old friends."  He nodded, moving forward to break into it and ask them to move it somewhere else.  Xander grabbed her by the arm and hauled her outside to tell her off some more.  Tara smiled at Alexis.  "It's okay.  She needs to hear that.  She has special girl syndrome."

"I've seen some girls in school that have that."  She ran into her father and mother.  Her mother had pounced him for a kiss.  She smiled at them.  "Maybe I'll get a sibling out of it?"

Her pulled back.  "No.  You know that.  What are you wearing?"

"Tara helped me find it.  You like?  It's for a dance."

He stared at her.  "No, I don't; someone might want to find a ceremonial knife or an altar."

"I'd never let them."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "I got something for the dinner too."

"Is it like that?"

"No."  She beamed.  "You did want me to explore some more."

"Yeah, but not that way.  I'm not ready for that yet."  Xander stomped in.  "Xander?"  He came over, staring at Alexis.  "My daughter, kid."

"I realized that.  She kinda looks like you."  He looked her over, nodding.  "Tara has that same dress in baby blue.  I always feel like I should chaperone her when she wears it.  Did you get sandals too?"

"No, no new shoes."

"Pity."  He looked at Tara.  "I already ran her off."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "Did you get anything for the dinner?"

"I have something new."

"Don't make me make you shop."

"I won't.  You'll have flashbacks to Buffy."  She patted him on the chest.  "Is she better?"

"I hope so.  C'mon, I'll escort you up to your rooms, ladies.  Let them snog."  They giggled but let him escort them up.

"She's much too old now," Alexis' mother sighed.

"She's a good girl usually.  I've been nagging her about staying home all the time.  Clearly she thinks I'm over reacting."  He stared at the elevator then at her.  "You okay?"

"My new boyfriend doesn't suck.  At all."  He smirked at her.  "I'm feeling needy."

"Of course you are.  I have a panel in an hour."  He checked his watch.  "Forty minutes."

"I can be happy in that time."

He smirked, taking her upstairs.  Alexis had left the bags in there but had apparently went to Tara and Xander's room.   That helped.

***

Xander smiled as he escorted the girls down, handing Castle his daughter.  "Yours.  Tara helped her buy it."

"It makes her look....much too old," he complained.  His daughter smirked.  "This is payback for nagging, isn't it?"

"Yes."  She beamed at him.  "And maybe I'll find a nice boyfriend soon?"

"You're not wearing that again until you're seventeen unless you're going out to be wild and then I'm packing your purse for you with mace and condoms."

"I already carry mace, dad."

"Good!  You might need it."  He looked her over again.  "New shoes?"

"Yup.  We snuck out a bit ago."  She walked him into the dinner.

Xander smirked at Tara.  "You do look very nice.  I like the hair."  She smiled so he took her arm and walked her inside.  A few of the authors he knew stared.  "This is Tara," he told one of them.  "My near sister and minder."  They smiled and shook her hand.   He got them sat down, with Paula at their tables.  "Didn't the girls do nicely today?"

"Alexis looks like some evil goddess figure," she said.  "Tara, you're much too nice to pull that off."  Tara blushed, ducking her head.

"Every girl has a bit of naughty in them," Xander said dryly.

"Maybe.  Alexis usually doesn't."

"Should've seen her earlier."

"I did see the floating white dress.  I had hopes that I wouldn't have to make her father not shoot someone for debauching her."  She sipped her wine.  "Tara, the dinner is always dry and fairly bland.  Like every other function's dinner."

"That's okay.  We had dinner while shoe shopping.  He can have most of mine and I'll have the veggies."

"If that works for you, go for it."  She looked at Xander.  "I told Donnie you resurfaced.  He sent a virtual hug and wanted to know what was wrong with your muses.  I sent him that one Castle was running off.  He was very amused and suggested you have one really good night drunk?"

"I've done that before," he admitted.  "That's when I got muses."

"So maybe it'll help.  I'm in my own room," Tara reminded him quietly.

He smiled.  "Then I can't have fun the rest of the weekend.  Though...."  He glared when he spotted someone.  "I'll be right back," he said, walking that way, grabbing Wesley by the arm to walk him off.  "Yes, Wesley?   Let me guess, she decided I was mean?"

"Well, slightly, until Angel and Cordelia agreed that you were right to be upset with her."  He got free, looking at him.  "We're more worried about the rumor going around that you had to help Captain Finn with something?"

"I bought a cabin near a general who works on another covert project, who sneered at Riley and Graham a lot, and they were worried I'd warp them.  They already had NID problems and me being there meant they got disclosure about the Initiative crap."

"Oh, so no job?"

"No.  Riley's boss made him switch my cabin to one in the midwest instead.  That way my supposed luck wouldn't hit them."

"That's wonderful.  I'll tell them that so they can relax."

Xander smiled.  "Ask Max.  I introduced them because they're looking for accounts of an ancient war."

"Which one?"

"Past the demon wars, one where they worked together in Egypt and places?"

"Ah!"  He nodded quickly.  "I know where some accounts are.  I'll send them to Captain Finn for them."

"When they got disclosed, I said to ask you that and to ask Angel about other things, like possibly their problems joining with yours."

"Even better.  I look forward to that talk."  He smiled.  "Are you better?  I heard you were injured from Max."

"A broken rib shifted, caused internal bleeding.  They helped that and fixed the taint I was bleeding off."

"Wonderful."  He patted him on the arm.  "Tell Tara she looked fantastic.  That Daniel and Willow are out of town for the rest of the weekend so he can talk to her in a serious manner."

"Tara said Willow tried to memory spell her."

"Oh, dear, Christ," he muttered.  "If he doesn't stop her, I shall with Rupert's help, Xander.  Do not fear."

"Just...not unless it's an emergency, Wes."

"I understand why and I respect that.  They were wrong to leave that way.  Especially since I heard you had knowledgeable locals in the department."  Xander nodded.  "Then well done and thank you for that help, even if she didn't say it.  Be safe and happier in New York, Xander.  Rupert said the same."  He left.

Xander breathed and went back to the table.  "Daniel and Willow are out of town for the rest of the weekend."

"I talked to Daniel earlier."

"Good.  Wes said he'd talk to her about magic abuse too."  He looked at her.

"I told him," she admitted.

"Cool."  He gave her hand a squeeze.

"Just kiss her already," a male voice called.

"She's like my sister and I'm not her type," Xander called back.  "She like them sweeter than I am."  A few others laughed.  "Excuse him.  Conventions are for letting go.  He's probably drunk."

She looked then nodded. "Maybe."  Their meals came and Xander got most of hers.  It'd go well.  The dance had some nice people.  Xander introduced her to two other authors, who smiled and danced with her.  Castle had a fierce look on his face since his daughter was dancing with one of the under eighteen new authors at the convention.  Tara walked over to him.  "She's growing up."

"Yes she is," Rick agreed.  "Did you have to make her look so...adult?"

"Yes.  She picked out that one.  I picked out the white one."  She smiled.

"I'd rather have her in this one than that one.  That one might give him thoughts."

She patted him on the arm, smiling at him.  "Maybe but a bit of thinking can be good for a girl."

He smiled at her.  "Has he beaten your parents?"

"Buffy almost did."

"Good!  If they show up in New York, let me know so I can get popcorn."  She giggled and walled off.  Paula let her dance with her since she was a bit tipsy.

Xander got free of his latest groping attempt and walked over to the staring father, staring at Alexis.  "Want to know where she got it?"

"No.  I might go protest."

"Okay.  The shop in New York is on 51st."  He strolled off, taking Paula from Tara.  Paula gave him a look.  He smirked back.  "I'm being a big hero and saving you from pinching from your next dance partner."

"Thank you for that.  My butt's already numb."

He smirked.  "I could be mean and say something."

She swatted him.  "Do not."

"Fine."  He danced her off.

***

Xander got back to the house, tripping over the pile of mail.  Tara grabbed it while the cat ignored them for daring to leave her alone all weekend.  Xander petted her, getting a dirty look.  He smirked.  "Fussy."  He went upstairs to toss his bag on his bed and came down to check the fridge.  She gave him a nudge out of the way, pulling out something to snack on.  He gave her a pleading look.

"Only if you sit down and write one paragraph of something."

"Fine."  He opened his laptop up and got into his word processing program.

"Xander, even if you can't write what you usually do, start off with the anger.  Just write it out.  I won't try to proofread it."

He looked up at her.  "That seems wrong."

"No, it's not.  It's getting it out of you.  Start with her name and move on from there.  You don't have to worry about sentences or anything like that.  Just write it out so you don't have to chop down a forest."

"I only did seven trees," he defended.

"In Colorado.  How many in wherever?"

"Upper peninsula Michigan."

"Okay, Michigan.  How many?"

"Seven, eight, something like that.  She decided to text me."

She stroked over his hair.  "Just write their names and let it flow."

"I sucked at free form writing."

"No one's going to read it, Xander.  Not unless you write them into something and kill them off."

"Then make them a zombie and do it again?" he quipped sarcastically.

"If you want to.  Make sure you name her something else."  She petted him again.  "You can even include the dangers of magic addiction in the hunter series."

"Yeah, I can," he realized.  He settled in to work on some of the anger.  That wasn't a bad idea.  He didn't even realize when she put a snack and soda down beside him at the desk.  It was helping more than chopping wood and it hurt his ribs a lot less.  That may be the best thing yet.  Eventually he moved to a new hunting novel.  Not in the series, but that was fine with him. He was proud of himself, he didn't even write himself into it.  The lead female hunter was very mean in his place.

He was going along well until he heard yelling at a cat.  He looked at his lap.  Miss Kitty stared back at him.  She always seemed to sneak into his lap to nap while he was writing.  "You're the only cat in the building," he told her.  She gave him a silent meow and hopped down to pace against the door.  Xander got up and grabbed a small, for him, knife heading down the stairs to check it out.  He came around the final bend in the stairs.  There was a red mottled cat staring at the detectives working.  "What's up with him, guys?  His girlfriend/fiancee/ whatever have another fit?"

Beckett stared at him.  "I forgot this was your building."

Xander nodded.  "Yeah.  When we got back, they were having another psycho fit."

"Psycho fit?" one of the other detectives asked.

"Yeah, she was screaming at him and he kept going 'just calm down, it'll be okay, if you can calm down I'll call the doctor so he can fix it'."  He leaned against the wall.  "I've offered my help getting him to an abuse shelter but he said that she was on the medicine roulette dance and apologized for her."

"Okay," Beckett said.  "Girlfriend?"

"He said girlfriend mostly, fiancee once, she tried to say she was a full wife."

"Can you describe her?"

"Yeah."  He leaned in and pointed.  "That's her a few years back," he said.  It was a nice, large picture.

The detective walked in and looked.  "She let us in."

"Okay," Beckett agreed.  "Is that your cat?"

Xander stared at the cat.  "No, and it's not a cat."  He picked it up by the scruff of the neck.  One of the detectives started to make a complaining noise.  He shook it and the cat changed.  He smirked at her.  "You're on the wrong coast," he said dryly.  "Why?"

Beckett yelped, getting away from the tongue that had attacked her leg.  "What are you doing?"

"Miss Kitty loves you," Xander said dryly.  "The last time she did that to me, I had gotten bitten by some sand fleas."

"I do have some bug bites, but really."  She picked the cat up and handed it to him.  Miss Kitty got held carefully.  "Is she related to this, Mr. Harris?"

"No, this is Tara's ex."  He handed her over.  "Give me a second to put the cat back."  He went to toss her back inside and shut the door, coming back to grab Willow again.  Tara was in the bathroom so she didn't know.  He walked her around the body and outside, not saying a word to her no matter how much she complained back at him.

Beckett looked down a few minutes later when she felt new whiskers against her leg.  "They're fine, cat.  Really.  Thank you for that though."

Castle walked in.  "Ah, the complaining ones.  She's trying to figure out which medicine works the best from what he said."

"How bad of a medicine case was she?" Espisito asked.

"Well beyond Thorazine helping.  She was far enough gone that she needs to be on the drugs that create the zombies who wander while talking to themselves."  He picked up the cat.  "Tara?" he called.  She came bouncing down and he handed her over.

"You must've jumped from the balcony to the neighbor's grill again," she sighed.  "I'm sorry.  Did she bother you?"

"She was very helpfully licking some bug bites for me," Beckett said.

Tara blushed.  "I'm sorry.  I'm sure she thought you were nice."  She fled back up the stairs.

Castle smiled at her.  "The cat has good taste."  She huffed and turned away.  "We seen the kid yet?"

"Not since he dragged someone out of here by her neck," the other detective said.  "We're going to ignore how she had been a cat."

"That would be Willow?"  They all nodded.  "I hope he finds someone to deal with her then.  She's been trying to upset Tara again."

"Stalking?" Beckett asked.

"That too."  He grimaced, looking up there.  "She looked happy so he didn't tell her.  It'll be fine.  He'll handle it."

"Without a new body?" she asked.

"Yes, without a body."

"Good."

***

Xander walked her into a church struggling and trying to hit him.  "Father?"

"Sir, we don't appreciate abusers here," he said calmly.

"She's not mine.  Her husband is totally pissed at her though.  So is her ex girlfriend who she's stalking."  She shrieked.  He shook her.  She tried to change and then came back to human.  "She's been hurting others on purpose with that sort of skill," he said at the horrified look.  "I know there's a priest in the city who deals with those things."

"I know of him, my son.  Is she Catholic?"

"No.  Her husband is.  She's addicted to her skills."

"I'll call the one I know, sir.  Can you hold her?"

"Gladly.  Before she hurts someone else."  He glared at her when she started to mutter.  "I will knock you out," he offered.

She stopped.  "It's your fault," she sneered.

"I'm not the one who slept with my girlfriend.  You did."

"You still gave her that curse," she complained.

"Remember, Willow, there is a cross curse that I can do to you and she can do to Anya."

She opened her mouth then gave him a smug look.  "Statute of limitations."

"Do you really think that they won't deal with you because you cause everything everywhere problems?  I can call one to come tell you that."

"Not in the church," she said smugly.

"Vengeance and other wish demons aren't bothered by holy objects," he said bluntly.  She shrank back.  The priest came back.  "Should I knock her out, Father?"

"He'll be right here, son.  He's in this borough.  He knew he'd be needed somewhere near Manhattan today."

"That's fine."  Xander turned and punched her, making her scream as she was knocked out.  "That's helpful.  Before she casts more magic on you, Father."  He shuddered.  "She didn't get to finish.  It'll wash away later."  A large man stomped in.  "You're Black Morgan," he said.

"I am.  You brought her in, sir?"

"Xander Harris," he said, holding out a hand.

The priest shook his hand.  "Is she a demon?"

"Not yet.  She's a magic addict right now.  She's been casting memory spells to hurt her husband and ex-girlfriend."

"She switched?"

"Technically she was bi, but after she cheated the last time, her ex asked the vengeance demon to give her a happy marriage with children.  It'd help her be redeemed and also make her learn how to be more responsible.  He knows this and he's very happy anyway.  She is when she's not going after her ex to make her beg."

"That's a bit...  Was she in Sunnydale?"

"This is Willow Rosenburg, yes."  The priest stared at him.  "I take it you met Anya?"

"I made a special trip.  She's satisfied."

"Which was what I wanted."  He picked Willow up, handing her over.  "She's doing neat things like memory spells.  Trying to get others to take the blame for things she's done.  She warped Slayer Summers' mind as well," he said quietly.  "I don't want to have to deal with her.  I was so angry I was chopping down trees with a broken rib."

"Ow," he muttered.  "You know of our group?"

"I do and I know that you won't kill her unless she's unredeemable.  I also know her husband might not mind with the way he was talking about her to Tara on Sunday."

"I can understand that.  What is her original religion?"

"Jewish to Wicca to black magic.  She's been moving toward a magic addiction since she got magic.  Her first real spell was to help Angelus.  She had been floating pencils."

"That's bad," he agreed.  He took her.  "We will fix her.  Where is her husband?"  Xander took some paper the first priest held out, writing out their name, address, and phone number.  "Thank you, my son.  I will not let her go to hurt your friend again.  I will call him after I've talked her into confessing."

"Remember, Father, she is dangerous.  She hunted for years."

"I agree.  She is dangerous if not handled.  She will not hurt us."

Xander nodded, shaking his hand.  "I used to love her like my sister."

"All friends and family of addicts have problems like that," the first priest said.  "We see many who have those feelings in our addiction support group for families."

Xander smiled.  "I'm a writer.  I can beat her ass there.  Just please keep her away from Tara."  He left, going back home.  The detectives were still working so he grimaced and got onto the bottom-most balcony's railing and climbed up to his own.  Tara came out to move some of the planters for him.  "Thanks."

"Where is she?  I felt her change."

"With Black Morgan."  She gasped.  He stared her down.  "She tried to blame her cheating on me."

"That's stupid."

"Yeah, but he promised he wouldn't hurt her and he'll talk to Daniel."

"Good."  He gave her a hug.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Go get the cat?"  She huffed and went to get her familiar, nagging her about leaving the nice detective alone, that she had her own pet to protect her from fleas.  The male detectives laughed once she was back inside.  That was decent of them.

***

Xander handed Paula the book.  "To get me less pissed at Buffy and Willow."

She looked at the thick thing.  "In a current series?"

"Technically within the hunter series but a different hunter."

"Okay.  Are you feeling better?"

"More or less.  Tara suggested it."

"I like that," she promised.  "It's much better than you killing yourself chopping wood."

He stared at her.  "I felt a shitload better at the time, even with the rib, Paula."

"I can understand that.  Has Donnie seen it yet?"

"Nope.  He's not in today."

"That's fine."  She glanced over the first few pages.  "Started right off with the bad guys.  Some people like that."  She kept going.  "Is it going to be dark?" she asked.

"Yup.  Darker anyway."  He shifted some.  "The subjects aren't happy.  I'm sorry."

"No, there's a place for dark fiction," she assured him.  She smiled.  "That may be well above the usual spot on the top ten list."

"Most of the time, you know I don't care."

"You make more money if you're up there."

"I know.   Which is nice but then you have to deal with fan things that get annoying, like book coming out events."

"Those can be fun parties."

"I'm not exactly a party person, Paula."

"I know.  You're far away from that anyway, Xander."

"Thanks."  He smirked.  "So...."

"I'll take it to see if they like it too."  She put it aside.  "I'll get Donnie onto it soon.  That interview?"

"I had one scheduled?"

"Yesterday."

"No one told me."

She sighed and checked her scheduling book.  "No, that's next week.  Wear something nice and pants, Xander."

"Yes, Paula."

She wrote down a few things.  "That's the interview, the book signing next week, it's a dual event, and we did advertise it."

"The same bookstore?"

"Yes.  They like them and have the nice open area."  She smiled.  "Be good?"

"You know I try."

"I know you try very hard.  Just don't date or anything," she ordered.

"I have to date sometime."

"Well, date a socialite that Castle can arrest," she ordered, waving a hand.  "Go find one of them."

"Payday?" he suggested.  She stared at him.  "Royalty check?  It's that day."

She stared at him.  "That's next week."

"No, that's this week.  It's the week of the sixth.  Right?"  She nodded slowly, going out to her assistant's desk.  She came back with it.  He beamed and signed for it, whistling at the contents.  "Thank you.  I wanted ice cream."

"Don't get fat."

"Of course not.  How could I swing a sword if I was?"  He walked out, heading right to the bank.  He didn't want to get mugged.  Though, if he was he'd kindly teach them better.  He was still like that.  No matter what some disgruntled cops thought when the poor muggers begged them to make them stop mugging.

The End.

Out-take 3: An Interesting Twist To Things

Willow's magic addiction is just one interesting twist in the daily lives of Xander and Tara.  Especially when he gets to meet new friends because of it.

Xander looked up as the door was knocked on.  It was an odd time of day for the mailman.  Tara was napping.  It was just him and the cat.  He saved and got up to answer it, staring at the people standing there.   This could not be good.  "What do you two want?" he asked.

"Is that any way to talk to your parents?" his father demanded, pushing his way inside.   His mother followed.

"Yes, it is when you guys haven't seen me in over 2 years," he said bluntly, slamming the door.  Tara would wake up at that noise.  That way he had backup beyond Miss Kitty.  "So, why the visit?"

"We need to talk to you about your uncle," his mother said firmly.

"Let me guess, he got arrested again?" he said dryly, leaning against the wall to stay out of grabbing range.

"It's not right!" his mother said, starting to get huffy.  "It's not like they were that mean before."

"That was Sunnydale.  They were so corrupt the government shut them down," Xander reminded them.  "In the real world things like DUI get noticed.  You get arrested for that shit in the real world."

"The judge was extremely hard on him," his father said.  "Something about how in the past he hadn't been rightly punished.  They can't do that.  We need you to stick up for him and pay his lawyer's bills."

Xander snorted.  "No.  I don't think so."

"You're family," his father said coldly.

"You two never treated me like I was your son.  You both would've been better off if you had sold me off into an adoption.  You made that very clear more than a few times.  Beyond that, I'm not his child, therefore I'm not responsible for any of his bills, his mistakes, or anything else he does.  If his lawyer needs paid, they'll get it from him somehow.  They always get their money somehow.  They might end up selling his house if he has one but they'll get paid."  He crossed his arms over his chest.  "Besides, even if I gave you money, you'd spend it long before his lawyer got hold of you.  I'm not paying you two to drink yourselves to death finally.  I earned everything I have.  You can too."

"Family doesn't do this to each other," his father said, starting to sneer.

"Not like you ever wanted me as your family.  The last time you talked to me it was 'go get me a beer, you ungrateful little shit'.  Since then, I've found my own way."

"You were selling things while you were a minor," his mother said, glaring at him.  "That means we're entitled to part of it."

"By California law, you would've had to put at least half of it into a trust account for my later solvency.  They did that after all those kid actors got ripped off by their parents.  Beyond that, only one story ever needed an adult signature and I got that by going to a judge.  They can bypass that.  That means I don't owe you two anything."

"We'll tell the press that you're mean and evil to your family," his mother shouted.  "That you won't support us in our old age."

"And I can easily counter it.  Because reporters *investigate*," he said bluntly.  "That means they'd find evidence of a sealed CPS file."  He smirked.  "Among other things, like my school records.  Including the notes from them about how I was late to school because you guys couldn't wake up due to the hangovers.  All the times that they saw I had forged your name on report cards because you two were both too drunk to sign them.  How you never attended a single called meeting by any principal.  And a few of them made notes as to why.  That's beyond the fact that they'll talk to others, like the lawyer who just handled Rory's latest DUI.  They'll see he has nineteen back in Sunnydale and for some reason never spent more than a week in jail."

"That's how it's supposed to be!" his father shouted.

"He's not some star who can wiggle his way out of it.  He's a normal man, and normal men get arrested for that stuff.  Even stars get arrested for DUI, they just serve less time in jail."

Tara froze them and came out of her bedroom, petting her cat when she stood up and stretched next to her.  "Maybe we should pay them to go away?"

"They'll come back," he told her with a small shrug.  He picked up his phone, calling his agent.  "Paula, it's me."  He put her on speaker.  "My parents showed up.  Tara has them frozen at the moment.  They're trying to get money from me."

"Are you going to pay them off to make them go away?" she asked.  "Other authors have in the past, Xander."

"No.  They're drunks and they'll come back.  Even if I had billions of dollars I wouldn't pay them off."

"Can they hear us?" she asked.

"Don't know and really don't care.  They threatened to go to the press to say I was mean to my family."

"We can counter that?"

"In Chuck's files was a thick folder on them in case they tried this."

"I think he gave me something.  Let me check."  Her voice got faint and they heard a metallic sound of a filing cabinet opening.  "Yes, he did give me a thick folder titled 'in case Harris's parents show up'."  She came nearer to the phone again.  The sound of ripping and she moaned.  "This is more than enough to get a restraining order."

"Which would make it public," Xander pointed out.  "I just want them to go away and never come back without having to pay their asses."

"It'll probably cause some stink," she admitted.  "Some do pay them off."

"I'm not going to pay them to go celebrate and end up dead.  They'd probably expect me to pay for their funerals and things."

"That's a good point.  You sure?"

"Yeah.  Even if they take it to the press.  Then you can do a restraining order."

"Gladly.  Tara, go ahead and unfreeze them.  Are we going to have to deal with yours?"

"I'm only a librarian," she pointed out.  "Why would mine show up?"  She unfroze them, sitting on the back of the couch.

"Who're you?  His girlfriend?" his mother demanded.

"No, his roommate.  I like girls, not Xander."  She stared at her.  "You're being mean and upsetting him."  The older woman sneered and made to hit her but Xander shoved her into a wall.  "Xander," Tara chided.

"I'll be damned if they're going to hit you, Tara.  Not like you can defend yourself."  His father hit him in the jaw.  He groaned, holding it.  "That's your only free shot.  Try it again, old man."

"Xander," Paula warned.

"He hit me first."  His father tried to hit him again but Xander hit him back.  Twice.  A third time, and his father was on the ground.  Xander stared down at him.  "The things you learn when your parents don't give enough of a damn to wonder where you are," he said dryly.  His father had only connected one other hit to his arm.  "I'd leave.  Before I call the cops to remove you.  Since you hit me first, you can't charge me with assault either.  By the way, before you try, the NYPD is like the LA cops.  They pay attention to things and arrest you for real.  Not just throw you in the city jail for a few days."

"Boy," his father sneered, getting up.  "That was the wrong thing to do.  I'll see you ruined."

"I'll have a restraining order done by the time the cops get there, Xander," Paula said.  "They're on their way."

"Thank you."  He looked at Tara, who was a bit pale.  "Take the kitty into your room."  She nodded, doing that.  His mother tried to stop her but she blew her out of the way with a simple floating spell.  Someone pounded on the door.  Xander looked.  "It's open!"  An officer opened it, hand on his gun.  "Officer, these are my misbegotten parents from booze hell.  They just tried to beat me for not giving in to their extortion demand."

"We were called about a fight."

"That was me," Paula said from the phone.  "Xander's father hit him and Xander had to defend himself, Officer."

"He hit me," his mother shouted.  "My husband was protecting me."

"No, I shoved you into a wall to get you away from Tara before you hit *her*," Xander said.  "And I'll gladly do time for it."  The officer stared at him.  He took off his shirt.  The officer winced.  "They're long term drunks.  They came to get money since I'm just now starting to make real money from my writing."

"I've seen other cases, sir.  Do you need medical attention?"

"No.  I've been socked in the jaw and the arm before.  He might because I may have broken something.  Be damned if I'm going to be hit again."

The officer nodded, calling for another officer to help him.  "Let us sort this out.  If the parents can please sit?"

"Sure, I can fumigate the couch later," Xander said dryly.  "My roommate's in her room with our cat."

"That's fine, sir.  Your girlfriend?"

"No, I live upstairs."

"In the building?"  Xander pointed at the loft.  "Oh, I see.  Roommate then.  Is she all right?"

"I prevented my mother from hitting her.  She was a bit shaken so I had her move the cat."  He sat down at the table.  Another officer stomped in.  He waved.  "Morning."

"It's afternoon, sir."

"It is?"  He looked at the clock.  "No wonder I was hungry."  He shrugged.  "Okay."

The first officer looked at him.  "Sir, are you on any medications?"

"No, Officer, I'm a writer.  I was involved in a new story."

"Oh!  I guess that's reasonable then."  He and the other officer shared a look.  "What happened in order?"

Tara came out, shutting her bedroom door.  "I was woken up by Xander slamming the front door.  His parents wanted money," she said quietly.  "I came out to support him while he called his agent for helpful ideas beyond a restraining order because they were trying to blackmail him."  His mother sneered.  "Threatening to ruin his reputation if you don't get paid is blackmail."

"It is," the second officer agreed.  "The roommate?"  She nodded.  "Okay.  You witnessed the altercation?"

"His mother tried to hit me.  Xander protected me by pushing her into a wall so I could get out of the way."

"She's like my sister.  I messed up the last mugger that tried to get her too," Xander admitted.

"Was that on a train, sir?" the second officer asked.

Xander nodded.  "Probably.  No, that was the one before.  The last one was outside.  He decided to run when I pulled out a huge hunting knife in a bad impersonation."  He smiled sweetly.  "The one on the train I only hit twice and he decided he was going to give up trying to grope and pickpocket."

"I think I heard about his arrest."  He looked at the parents.  "Why is he bruised?"

"He hit me," Xander said.  "I told him it was his only free shot.  He tried again and I laid him out.  He connected once to my three hits.  The bruise coming up on my jaw was the first and the one on my arm the later one."

"Officers, I'm his literary agent and Xander did provide me materials in case they showed up to do this.  I have multiple copies of two CPS reports."

"Should be three," Xander admitted.

"You're right.  I have three copies each of three CPS reports.  I also have notes here from his school record that state his parents were abusive when they showed up and didn't often show up when called to deal with Xander's tardiness or other issues."

"Ma'am, did you hear this altercation?" the second officer asked.

"Yes, I did.  Xander had called me for ideas beyond paying them off.  He didn't want to pay them off to make them go drink themselves to death.  We were talking about a restraining order when his mother tried to hit Tara."

"All right.  Can we have a copy of that information, ma'am?" the first officer asked.

"Yes, gladly.  There's multiples of each," she assured him.  "Just in case it became necessary I suppose."

"Yup," Xander agreed.  "Can you please at the very least remove them from my house?  Arrest them if possible but make them go before I lose my temper in a way that would make Tara shop for mourning clothes?"

"Are you going to press charges?" the first officer asked.

"Yes, I am.  I told them to go, I told them I wasn't paying them, I told them how stupid threatening to go to the press to say I was mean to my family was.  I'll be damned.  I'm not putting up with threats."

"Okay," the second officer said.  "You do know she can charge you?"

"And I'll gladly go to jail," Xander assured him.  "That's not a problem."  Paula moaned.  "If she gets me for that, so be it, Paula.  At least I have a good defense.  I'm not going to let her hit Tara or anyone else while threatening me."

"Well?" the second officer asked the mother.

"She does and I'm pressing charges," Tara said bluntly, staring at her.  "Because she did try to hit me.  I left someone who did that," she finished quietly.   "It won't ever happen again."

The officer looked at her.  "Do you need something like medical attention, ma'am?"

"No.  Someone threatened to beat my parents for me," she assured him, smiling slightly.  "I haven't seen them since they tried to convince me I was demonic so I'd come back to be their slave.  Xander's helped me heal a lot."

"Good for him, ma'am, and I'm happy you've gotten out of that cycle," the first officer said.  "Well?" he asked the mother.  "This is your decision."

"He definitely won't be paying her if she does," Paula said dryly.  "I will make sure of it.  There will be no payments to them in any form."

"It's always better to not pay these sort of demands.  Then people come back," the second officer said.

"Exactly.  Which is why I'm not paying them," Xander said.  He stood up.  "You cane take me in and straighten it out down there if you want.  NP, guys.  Really.  Let me get my shirt and shoes?"

"Sit down."  The second officer looked at him.  "That's a lot of scaring."

"Not all theirs but most of it.  I also worked on the local protection patrol we had out in our former town.  I got into a few brawls that way."  He smiled slightly.  "Not that they ever gave a damn as long as they had their liquor and beer."  His father stood up and lunged at him but Xander put him onto the floor, foot on his throat, staring down at him.  "Try it again," he offered, sneering slightly.  His father looked away and Xander pressed then got off him.  "Get him out of my house, please.  Before you have to call an ME."  He walked into the kitchen, tossing Tara bottle of juice.  "Want a water or juice, guys?"

"No thank you, sir.   Please sit at the table again."  The second officer hauled his father up, cuffing him, ignoring his swearing and struggling.

"This isn't right!" his mother shouted, getting up.  "He should be taking care of us!  We're family!  You're being evil to us on his say-so!"

"No, in the real world, people get arrested for things," Xander reminded her.  "Same as Uncle Rory got arrested for his twentieth DUI finally."  He sipped, seeing the horrified looks.  "The town I grew up in was so bad the FBI shut it down for being dirty.  Apparently the judge that he got last time decided the former ones were too light because the most he got was a suspended license and a week in the city jail.  My family hasn't learned this isn't Sunnydale and the real world doesn't do things like they did because they're not dirty cops."

"Clearly the ones out there had problems."  The first one looked at the mother.  "What would've happened if he had killed someone?"

"It was their own fault for being there," she sneered.

"No, it's his fault for being too drunk to have sense," Xander corrected.  "He chose to drink, the same as you do.  He could've gotten clean after any of his DUI's.  The state would've even paid for it.  He chose not to.  The same as you and the paternal donor did."  He sipped his water.  "This is your own fault, not anyone else's.  Take some responsibility for your own actions, Mother.  Like having a child, there's consequences.  That's why you should've had me adopted out."  He finished his water and tossed it away.

"He's right.  No one made him drink and drive.  No one made you two show up here to try to extort money or try to assault them, ma'am."  She shrieked and went after him with her nails and fist.  The other guy pulled her off him and Xander threw her against the wall again.  He wiped a hand over the scratches.

"I have a first aid kit," Xander offered quietly, going to get it for him.  He brought it downstairs, handing him some alcohol pads.  He saw the look inside and smirked.  "Protection patrol med kit.  I was our field medic because our hospital killed people.  A lot."

"Can you own some of that legally, sir?"

"Yes.  It was all gotten with a legal prescription."  He closed it up with a smile.  "I do try to stay on the legal side when I can.  Want to check my hunting knives?"

"Um, no, that's okay.  Thank you for that and the bandaids, sir," the second officer said.  "We'll get a statement once they're in the car."  He and his fellow officer walked the people down to their cars, one of them staying to treat his injuries while the other went to take a formal statement to charge them.  His lieutenant was not going to believe this one.

***

Xander looked up from his reading when someone cleared their throat.  He stood up with a smile.  "Sorry," he apologized, putting his book down.

"That's all right, I was running a bit late."  She sat down so everyone else could.  "We are here to talk about a restraining order that was temporarily granted?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am," Xander's lawyer from Paula said.  "The parents in question have made bail."  She handed the report to the bailiff.  "The judge told them not to go on a news show like they had threatened to do in their statement.  We want to keep them from doing anything else damaging."

"I saw the original complaint."  She read over the orders from the bail giving judge.  She sighed.  "Do we think they're going to try again?"

"Yes," Xander said, handing the lawyer something.  She opened it and handed it to the bailiff.  "I got that earlier today."

"It's not bluntly put as a threat, Mr. Harris, but I can see how they are doing so.  Your girlfriend?"

"Roommate, Your Honor.  We're not together."

"That's fine."  She reread it and marked it into evidence.  "Do we suspect a level of higher threat or lower threat?  Do we think they'll skip bail?"

"I don't know about skipping bail but I would guess yes.  They do live in LA and they're really bad drunks.  They might be in the bar when it's time to go to trial.  They might forget all together," Xander told her.

"While my clients drink, they do not intend to come near their son again," the other lawyer complained.

Xander looked at him.  "Really?"  He handed over something else.  "Yesterday's letter to Tara from my mother.  She didn't know Tara existed before yesterday.  I met Tara when she was a freshman in college.  At the time I was living in my parents' basement and had no contact with them beyond them demanding money, favors, and to get them more liquor and beer."

"Favors?" he asked grimly.

"Go get the tv out of hock and things needing fixed that they broke and couldn't understand that plugging in would fix.  At the top of their lungs or else they'd beat me to death and raise the rent too."

"Oh."  The letter was handed back to the judge.

"I think there's a reasonable precaution to keep the two parties apart," the judge decided. "If only because the arresting officers stated that Mr. Harris said he was going to hurt his father more if he tried it again?"

"He's had his last free hit," Xander agreed.  "I'm not a punching bag."

"I agree with that sentiment," she assured him.  "Where do you work?"

"Home.  I'm an author.  Tara works at a branch of the New York library system near our apartment."

"I see that listed on the request.  Very well.  I'm going to grant this until after the trial."  She wrote it out and handed it to the bailiff for Xander.  She banged her gavel.  "It would be a good idea in their criminal case if they found rehab," she told the other lawyer.

"I've suggested it, they say it's not necessary."

"They still think that our former town's ways are real life too," Xander warned him.  "Like with my uncle's DUI."

The lawyer nodded.  "I heard about that.  Is there evidence of what the former town was like?"

"An FBI report from where they shut it down."

"Thank you, Mr. Harris.  Your Honor."  He left.

Xander shook the lawyer's hand.  "Thank you," he said quietly.

"Keep that on you, give Tara a copy to keep on her."  He nodded at that and left.  She called Paula on the way out to let her know how it had went.  She worked for the publisher but this wasn't that uncommon.   She had done this before for former spouses, family, and even a few children that wanted to suck other authors dry.

***

Xander walked in and paused.  Something was very wrong.  He called the police when he spotted the blood.  "I just walked into my house, there's blood on a wall, my cat's missing, and so is my roommate."  He gave them an address.  She said to stay on the line.  He agreed and cautiously looked in the various rooms.  He found Miss Kitty in his closet, cooing at her until she came out.  Someone pounded and walked in so he came down.  "My place, guys.  Found the cat.  Not my roommate Tara.  We just got a restraining order from my parents today," he told the officers.  He nodded at the blood.  "That's not a good sign."

"You're very calm, sir."

"I've seen some bad things in my life," he said bluntly.  "And I'm going to kill them if it's my parents."  They nodded and called a crime scene unit.  They made him sit at the table once they had checked it for evidence.  Xander heard the hiss and looked down.  "What?"  He petted that area carefully again and winced.  "I'm sorry, Miss Kitty.  I didn't mean to hurt you.  Guys, they kicked or hit her or something.  She's got a sore spot on her side."

The crime scene officer came over to look at her.  "That's a red hair," she said.

"Her ex is a redhead but she's on the west coast.  She wouldn't hurt Tara either.  Can I have the silver cellphone on the charger?  I need her aunt's number."  They checked it for recent calls, letting him get the number to call her from it but then they bagged it.  "Aunt Marge, it's Xander.  Tara's missing.  I need someone to come get Miss Kitty to the vet because they kicked her or something.  CSU is here.  There's a small smear of blood but I'm pretty sure she's alive.  I don't know but I'm controlling my temper," he assured her.

"Please.  You know she'll worry more about her cat.  Thank you."  He hung up and put his phone back in his pocket after turning off the vibrate.  He checked his missed calls just in case.  "Buffy called."  He called her back.  "Tara's missing, is Willow out there?"  He listened.  "Thank you.  No, just making sure.  They found a red hair on Miss Kitty.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "If she shows up out there, our friends will tell me," he told the watching officer.

"You're still very calm."

"I'm at the level of volcanic temper," he admitted.  "If I find them, I'm going to fuck someone up to the point where they're going to beg Satan for mercy."  He heard a woman shrieking.  "That's her aunt," he called.  She was let in.  He handed over Miss Kitty.  "The sore area's here," he said with a hand over it but not resting on it.  She looked around and nodded.  "Any idea?"

"No.  You'll get her back?"

"Oh, yeah, and she'll be telling me stop hitting them too.  She takes her to the vet on 60 something west?"

"I know the place.  She's one of ours.  We'll watch Miss Kitty while you hunt, Xander."

"Let me know if you hear or find something out."  She nodded and left.  Xander settled in to think.

"Sir, what reasons would anyone have to take her?" the officer asked, sitting across from him.

"She's my roommate and I had to get this earlier," he said, passing down her copy of the restraining order.  "They wanted money and threatened to get it one way or another.  If it's related to the red hair, her ex-girlfriend is a bit mentally bad at the moment.  She cheated and Tara left her so she's shown up a few times to get her back, even though Willow's married now.  Buffy said she thinks she's on that coast but she'll check and tell me if she's not."  He stared outside then at him.  "I doubt it's because she's a Wicca or her aunt would've heard since her aunt runs a shop."

"For their kind?"  Xander nodded.  "Okay."  He made notes of that.  "Will you let us handle it?"

"Hey, if I find them, I'll call you and you guys can come pull me off them," he promised.  "You guys find them first, good for you."  Willow appeared and an officer gasped.  "Way to be UC, Willow."

"It wasn't me.  I had tea with her earlier to apologize, Xander.  The priests made me see how bad I was," she said quietly.  "He brought me here to apologize."

Xander nodded. "Then that leaves my parents probably."  She grimaced.  "They wanted money."

"What about...."

"None that I've heard and I would have.  I was playing kitten poker last night," he muttered, frowning some.

"Kitten poker?" the officer asked.

"Some of the people we know play kitten poker," Xander admitted.  "I get a lot of information from them when something bad is happening around here."  He waved a hand around.  "They would've told me if something like them was coming after Tara."

"What do they do with the cats?" the officer asked.

"Eat them.  No, I don't owe them anything.  I'm actually pretty decent at it," he admitted.  The officer nodded, writing that down.  "It's not a habit," Xander told him.  "Just now and then when I need information for someone.  One of the ladies that goes to the shop has a daughter that ran away.  They spotted her for me.  Things like that."

"Do you write true crime stuff?" the officer asked.

Xander smiled.  "Sci-fi/fantasy.  I'm Alexian Harris."

"Oh, okay."

"That information source goes back to when we were all younger and helping out in a very bad town," he said quietly.  "So bad the FBI had to get into our department and gutted it."

"They didn't respond to things like a high death rate so we had a patrol to help people make it home," Willow said, looking at him.  "I'm sorry."

"I'm not ready yet," he told her.

"I get it."  She backed off.  He was still pissed at her.  "Could this be your parents?"

"I got the restraining order against them earlier," he said, looking at her.  "They're out on bail.  I don't think it'd be her parents.  They haven't contacted her since Buffy ran them off.  They were a lot like mine only they thought girls were slaves," he told the officer, who wrote it down.

"I can check on them," Willow promised.  "I've been keeping a virtual eye on them."  She walked out and disappeared from a more hidden spot.

"How did she do that?" one CSU officer asked.

Xander shrugged.  "I can't."

"Okay."  She made note of it but in her private notes, not the official ones.

Xander stared at the doorway.  Something wasn't right about that.  Willow had shown up at just the right point but she was still under priestly care.  He mentally grimaced but still stared at the blood streak.  He took the notepad to write something down.  "If they come after me, this is my literary agent."  He stared at the officer.  "If I disappear, make sure my laptop gets to her?"  He nodded, making that note.  "It should be in the bottom desk drawer, in the safe drawer."

"The bottom drawer is missing, sir," the officer said when he looked.

"Hmm."  He considered it.  "I have LoJack on it.  She can get it."  The officer nodded, going to call her.

"Sir, we're going to have to seal the apartment for a few days," one CSU said.  "Do you have anywhere to stay?"

"I have money, I can hit a hotel."  She nodded.  "My main things are upstairs."  She walked him up there, taking note of what he was taking.   He found a note and stuffed it in there when she wasn't looking.  He grabbed his other ID case, looking in it.  "I need the blue and silver things," he said, handing it to her.  "There's an ATM card missing.  Tara has her own."

She nodded.  "Which bank?"

"First National."  He pointed at the other one.  "That's my backup of it."  She took down the number on it and let him take that then put the wallet into a bag.  He looked and grabbed something else.  "That'll work."  He looked at her.  "I'm going to get into my weapons case.  It has mediaeval and more modern weapons for comparison and research purposes," he said quietly. "I'll tell you if something's missing but I would appreciate you guys not forcing the lock on it."

"If it's legal why would we?"

Xander smiled.  "One was a gift from a former commando."

"Oh."  He walked down there, getting into the one that was at the base of the stairs.  She gasped.  "Yeah, that's ... a bit much, sir."

"I use it when I write the hunting series, Officer.  I'm going to securely lock it so no one can get into it."  He pulled out something and tossed it into the bag.  Then a second weapon.  He locked and sealed that one.  He went to the other one.  "My battle axe is missing."  He stared, looking around.  "No, it's there," he said with a point.  "Can I put it back?"   One of the CSU checked it and let him put it back into the cabinet.  He looked.  "There's a sword missing but that was upstairs."  He checked.  "Tara's working kit isn't in here."  He closed and locked it, making sure no one could get into it.  He went into her room, looking under her bed.  "That's usually in there."  They nodded, taking it out to dust for prints.  He took the notepad to write something down.  "To compare her ex's fingerprints, talk to him," he said quietly.  "They have the files locked.  Do not tell him that Tara is missing or they'll be annoying."  She nodded at that.   "Mine I'm sure you can find all over."

"We'll need a comparison sample," she said.  She took his and let him grab his bag and head out. She searched the room.  It was a nice room.  Very girlish.  It was clear those two weren't together.  She even had her own bathroom.  She glanced in the storage area but nothing stood out to her but some covered lumps of boxes.

***

Xander walked into the warehouse that night, going back to the kitten poker tables.  A few people spotted him and gasped.  "Who has her?" he asked calmly.  "Just tell me and I don't have to get mad at anyone but whoever it was.  Them, you can hold a funeral for."

"We heard Rosenburg was out," one said timidly.  "And your parents."

"Yup, on both counts.  Willow showed up earlier."  He looked around.  "Anyone?"

"Only Raul probably knows for sure, Knight," the dealer said respectfully.

Xander nodded.  "Thank you, guys.  Let me know if you hear anything, please."  They nodded.  "Especially since whoever did it knocked Tara out.  There was blood.  They even hurt the cat."

One of the demons winced.  "She'll kill them herself."

"Yup," Xander agreed.  "If I don't get them first.  You can tell Raul or not.  If I'm blocked, I'll release some anger since he has vampire guards."  He smirked and walked out, heading to that store.  In Chinatown's back alley no less.  He walked up to the door.  The vampires gave him dirty looks.  "Don't start.  They kidnaped Tara."  They let him inside.  Raul met him in the front of the herb shop.  "I heard you know?"

"I do."

"Which?"

"Rosenburg."  He looked him over.  "She wants her back."

"Is Daniel all right?"

"He's fine.  She knocked him silly with a memory spell."

"I'm going to beat her ass.  Where is she?"

"I called in an anonymous report so the cops could get her.  That way you can fuss instead."

"Thanks, man.  Where?"  He handed over a piece of paper.  "Thank you."  He left, glancing at it.  Well, he knew that area of town slightly.  He had hunted down there a few times.  Xander saw the officers busting in and followed subtly.  Willow sent them away magically.  "That won't work on me," he said, stepping out of the shadows.

"You're evil," she sneered.

"No I can't say as I am.  Angry as hell."  He stared at her.  "Let Tara go, Willow.  You lost your chance with her when you cheated on her and you're throwing Daniel away because you're being stalkery."

"You don't know anything!" she shouted.

"I walked in and caught you!" he shot back.  "Not to mention she made a tape of it and sold it."  Willow gasped.  "No one's told Daniel yet."  He stared at her.  "Let Tara go, Willow.  This is bad magic.  They'll come for you again."

"They let me go, said I was fine now," she said smugly.  "The things you learn from your parents."

"Yeah, really," he said dryly, pointing behind him.  Two priests were walking in.  "Remove the spells from Tara."

"No one else can have her!" she shouted, trying to get away from them.  They were immune to magic.

"If you actually loved her, you'd want her to be happy!" Xander shot back.  "You'd want the best for her, not whatever this obsession of yours is doing to you!"

"I'm not!"

"Bullshit!  You even hurt your cat!"  She growled and waved at him.  A bright light took him.   The priests got her.  Tara got freed and they watched her cry and kick Willow a few times before stomping off.   They'd deal with wherever Xander was later.  They escorted the nice young woman to the local police station, where the officers were gathering for another try.  They told them that Willow had run away and left her there so they had rescued her.  That they had dealt with Willow's addiction recently so they were watching her.  By then Tara was out of her anger and shock, just sobbing in a corner.  The priests called her aunt for her.  Since Harris was now displaced somewhere else.

***

Xander landed and blinked a few times, looking at the fence around him.  "Huh," he said, forcing his anger back down.  Tara had been awake and alive.  The priests would help Tara.  For right now, he needed to help himself.  Because this was not a good sign.  He had no idea where this was.

"Pretty night, Agent Harris," a guard with a dog said as he walked past him.

Xander stared at him then smiled.  Oh, yeah, it was bad.  "I take it there's another of me here?"  Talk about magic going screwy around him!  This was almost cute of Willow.  It gave him reinforcements from this *Agent* Harris.  The guard stiffened.  "Chill, dude.  I just ran into Rosenburg having a magical crackhead moment.  I'm not dangerous."

"We've had problems with her in the past, sir.  Let me get your other self down here?"

"Sure.  That's cool.  Whatever your protocol is."  The guard relaxed some, calling that in.  A few people came jogging his way.  "I've seen you somewhere," he told the guy in front.

"Mac Taylor.  I know you're Xander Harris.  You're in New York?"

"Yeah, just moved there on orders of my agent."

"Acting?"

"Writing.  I write sci-fi/fantasy."  He smiled.  "Including a wonderful paranormal hunting series."

"Do you have any idea how you got here?"

"I was tracking down Rosenburg after she kidnaped her former girlfriend.  She sent me here."

"Figures," a figure behind him said, stepping out into the open.  "Hey, me."

"Hey.  Agent?"

"Yeah, DCIS.  Demon Criminal Investigative Services.  We got published?"

"Yeah, my muses are really strong sometimes."  He shook his hand.

"There should be some sort of flux that happens if you two touch," Mac said.  "But there's not."

"That's because I'm too far off this realm," writing Xander told him with a smile.  "Let's go talk?  I'm trying to be optimistic that the priests can handle Willow."

"Priests?" Xander asked.

"I handed her to Black Morgan, he's of the White Order."

"Ooooh," Xander said, shivering.  "That's nearly evil."

"She was upsetting Tara."

"This I wanna hear," he decided.  "C'mon, let's hit the infirmary to make sure you're all right."

"Sure."  He walked off with him, the others walking around them.  "So, we do what?"

"We're basically the investigative arm of the government for demon or human on demon crimes," Xander told him.  "Though I do get a lot of weapons cases."

"Cool.  Tara and I are in New York right now.  I just defeated the evil, begging parents.  They weren't amused that the real world didn't work like Sunnydale.  Uncle Rory got put away for DUI finally."

"Wonderful.  So, did your Sunnydale fall in?"

"No."

"Did you guys face the First Evil after Buffy died and got resurrected?"

"She hasn't died since tenth grade," he said calmly.  Damn, he was hearing the future he didn't want to hear.

"Here she died facing Glory."

"Glory was in New York looking for the Key.  We faced her down and blew her ass up."

"Okay," DCIS Xander said.  "We faced her in Sunnydale."

"Our Sunnydale got shut down by some guys in the FBI after I turned in some cults with high weapons I wanted to pet."

"Cool!"  He grinned at himself.  "Which agents?"

"Um... LA...Epps?  I think?  There was an Agent Edgerton there who tried to stalk us around on patrol.  I talked a lot with Colby Granger and David...what's his name.  I can't remember."

"We work with Epps and his team as local liaisons out in LA," DCIS Xander said with a grin.  "It's cool that we do have some intersecting times."

"We lived in LA for a while but Tara graduated and the new literary agent wanted us in New York so we were closer.  We lost my first one for being bi and open about it.  Then my editor got eaten by a larger company so he got moved to New York too."  He looked back at Taylor.  "You're an officer, right?"

"Head of the Manhattan felony lab."

"That's probably where I saw you.  Dealing with one of my exes."

"Don't tell us you're still dating deadly things," Mac moaned.

"Well, not right now.  In the past I have."  He beamed at himself.  "Why?  Did you marry the cheating whore Anya?"

"She cheated on you?" DCIS Xander asked.

"With Willow.  Which was when Tara and I decided they needed to be helped.  We cast redeeming wishes through the wish demons that showed up.  Willow to get married and have a family that she adored.  Anya to find faith and charity."  He smiled a huge grin.  "She's very happy."

Mac Taylor cackled, leaning on the guy next to him.  "Oh, that's so evil!" he said.

"She deserved it," he said with a smile and a shrug.  "Especially since I walked in on them."

"That sounds like something I might do," DCIS Xander agreed.  He pointed.  "Welcome to DCIS."

"That's cool.  Hey, I know you," he told Daniel.  "People freaked when I bought a cabin next to your friend and former boss.  They ended up having to tell him about the Initiative stuff.  I handed an NID/IOA plant to a poker buddy for tentacle jewelry duty when they bothered both of us.  One of your docs fixed my rib really nicely."

"Sure," Daniel agreed, shaking his hand.  "I can see Jack freaking out if you moved next to him and he didn't know about demons."  He compared them.  "I think you're probably a few years younger than our Xander."

"Possibly.  I left Sunnydale when the FBI shut it down for being so corrupt.  Now we're hunting in New York when we have to.  Tara and me."

"That's fine," Daniel assured him with a smile.  "Was I okay?"

"Max did offer her husband to you for some info on demons and something about Ancients and things."  He shrugged.  "I don't know how you reacted.  I was stoned on the painkiller for my broken rib.  Doctor Lam was *really* nice, Carter was kinda scary as a pushy, disbelieving blonde lady, and Mitchell tried really hard to be nice and decent to me."

"Good."  He smiled.  "Let's make sure you're okay from your trip," he ordered.

"Sure, I get that problem.  I could have spatial radiation or something."

"Wow, it took me forever to learn about that," local Xander said.

"I needed it for a book and had Chuck explain it to me.  He had a BS in physics but liked the agent lifestyle better.  More girls."

"That I can definitely see," his other self sighed, nodding.  "I need a new girl."

"Yeah, me too," New York Xander agreed.  "Damn we need someone decent."

Chase looked up at them.  "There's TWO of you again?" he demanded.  "Is it another apocalypse?"

"No, the priests will stop Willow from causing one," he promised.  "I take you've seen other us's?" he asked himself.

"Yeah, about a year back.  Someone made a wish for multiple demon fighting Xander just in time for one of the highest in hell to come buying souls."

"Huh.  We never had that happen."

"If you do, definitely get his bag of contracts to burn and use a lot of artillery," Daniel told him.

"I'll remember that.  This is kinda neat.  You guys don't do things like Riley, right?"  They all shook their heads.  "Decent."  He let the doctor put him onto a table.  "I'm pretty healthy now."

"Good.   Why weren't you before?" the Australian doctor asked.

"Broken rib.  I was a bit mad so I was chopping wood."

"That sounds like something our Xander would do," Chase admitted.

"The last time I was that pissed, I did some smithing work," his Xander told him.  "House threw a fit and made me stop."

"I got to vent to the nice little guy Thor," writer Xander told him.   "He let me vent everything so I'd quit making a lake view."

"Which cabin did you buy?" Daniel asked.

"Um, the one to east.  It was only seven trees.  Only took me two days."

"With a broken rib?" he demanded.  Xander nodded.  "Ow."  He rubbed his last broken one.

"It's fully healed now.  Doctor Lam put it back into place and took care of it when she spotted the internal bleeding.  She was there to see why I had sucked up so much energy and to make sure it wouldn't make anyone else glow."

"That sounds like her," he decided.  "Okay.  Chase?"

"I'm not picking up anything wrong but I want to run a full body CT to make sure.  That would pick up any strange energy output."

"She let it come out in some sort of goop bath like they did machines."

"I know what you're talking about," Daniel admitted.  "That may be how Willow sent you here instead of away.  Let me look that up in case."  He left.

Xander shrugged.  "You up for that?"

"Sure."  He got up and took off his two concealing necklaces, letting himself hold those.  Chase had him strip down in the CT room and lay on the bed.  It didn't take that long.  When he got out, he was taken back to the local Xander's apartment for the night.  They could talk in the morning.

The sad thing was his muses were humming at the interesting goings on but he didn't feel the desire to write.  They knew he was in danger.

***

Daniel watched the new Xander watch them.  He didn't seem to be too bothered but his Xander was deeper than most people expected.  He sat down next to him at the picnic table.  "Watching us?"

"I'm thinking I could be a top ten on the best sellers list if I could make this idea into a story," he admitted, looking at him.  "But I might get busted."

"You're in a whole other world," he pointed out.  "I doubt your people would disagree with it."

"Riley's boss might."

"We're nothing like them."

"Yeah but they're having hunting squads."

"Ah.  We're still a few years ahead of you on that.  They got moved to Homeland in ours and most of the ones we've asked about."

"Eww."

"Basically, yes."  He smiled.  "Some of them might exist in your world, the same as I do."

"I know.  I'd have to change appearances and things."

He nodded.  "Probably.  If you do it that way, it might work.  I know the you here is a hit on YouTube for various arrests."

Xander smiled.  "I'm just meant to be a star."

"Of course you are."  He smirked back.  "So, how did you like the mountain?"

"I saw the infirmary and the elevators."

"I figured they hadn't given you a guided tour.  Ours might've tried to sneak off."

"They assured me they weren't like Finn's people.  The blonde lady, Carter, was a bit of a stick up the ass sort.   Totally disbelieved magic even when it was right in front of her.  Cam didn't yell at Tara when she slammed him into the ceiling because he was checking on me when she showed up to do the same thing."

"Cam can be laid back sometimes."  He smiled.  "Sam.... she probably won't believe magic unless she can get it to work for herself.  Here, she was a slayer activated over the age of aging out thanks to something Willow did to help Buffy."

"We have more than two?"

"The First Evil situation meant that they had to activate all of the potentials.  Later on, Willow gave the older ones that had aged out a chance to take it up."  He smirked.  "We train them here since the old Council got blown up.  You're actually the head of the council since Giles is coming back from a brain sucking demon."

"Eww.  I'm in charge?"  He smirked and nodded.  "None of the others exist?"

"A few.  Wesley and you rebuilt it since Rupert was in a magical coma."

"Did he bitch when he woke up?"

"Many times but the girls sided with you and Wesley.  Wesley handles the current roster of where everyone is and patrol schedules.  You handle the daily life things and have hired a lot of help for the girls.  The base takes advantage of it too."

"I'm guessing you guys would need it."

"Of ten.  We back up the girls for apocalypses."

"Wow.  You guys do federal crimes?"

"Yes.  Mostly.  Some places don't have local offices so we handle theirs too."

"Huh."

"The you here was very instrumental to the forming of this agency, Xander.  He's done a lot more work than most everyone else seems to do, including maintenance work at the start, and helped the agents here build into a cohesive team."

"I'm majorly impressed with myself."

Daniel smiled.  "You should talk to him.  I know the others aren't really bothered as long as the books don't come here."  He got up.  "I'll talk to Sam Carter, see if she wants to give herself some information."  He left to go up to the lab.  "Guys, the other Xander ran into us," he told them.  It was only Abby, Rodney, Sam, and Radek in the main lab.

"How?" Abby asked, smiling at him.

"He bought the cabin next to Jack's fishing cabin."  Sam cackled at that, shaking her head.  "Apparently there was some mutual freaking out and the us there got told about the Initiative.  He said the you there still had the rod up your hind end and didn't believe in magic even when it was right in front of you but Cam had been decent and friendly to him.  Hadn't even yelled at Tara when she pinned him to a ceiling when she found him checking on Xander."

"How far behind us are they?" she asked.

"Probably pretty far.  He never mentioned meeting Teal'c but he did mention meeting Thor.  Apparently Thor let him vent during that wood chopping with the broken rib thing."

"Huh."

"Doctor Lam was there."

"So, a few years back," she decided.  "Okay.  I might be able to give her some ideas of where to look so she quits freaking out.  I know I did a few times."  She shook her head quickly.  "Atlantis?"

"I didn't ask."

"If that Xander is anything like ours, he's got an informational line to the Mountain," Abby pointed out dryly.  "You said Xander knew who you were when you showed up, Danny."

"He did.  Greeted me by name and he had been on a case when I came in."

Rodney grimaced.  "We might negatively influence the other timeline."

"If they're just now learning about demons, they're freaking out," Abby reminded him.  "You did."

"I did," he agreed, letting her kiss him and giving a smirk back.  "Naughty.  We're in the lab."

"At least we're not doing DNA work so we don't have to worry about weeding out your spit," Sam teased with an evil smirk of her own.

Abby pinched her.  "Be nicer!  He's my Rodney."

"We all know that," Sam assured her.  Radek muttered something about gagging on the sugar flowing from them, making Daniel laugh.  She smirked, heading out to find that Xander.  He spotted her and stiffened some.  "Relax.  I did since that time in my life.  Do we have another project out of the mountain?"

"I heard something about a flying one.  The demons all hoped you guys had a way back.  They kept saying you guys were heroically stupid.  Especially since the Ancients hadn't liked demons and created slayers because of it."  She gaped.  He shrugged.  "At least in ours."

"Huh.  I never considered that."  She nodded.  "What did my hair look like?"

"Kinda shorter than you're wearing it now, but a bit more wind blown."

"Leather jacket?"

"BDU's.  T-shirt.  Boots."

She nodded, pulling out her ID card.  "About that length?"  He looked and nodded, smiling at her.  "I had a broomstick up my butt then," she agreed, cracking him up.  "I'll give you something to help the me there calm down."  She left, going back to the lab.  "Atlantis is in the first or maybe early second year," she said as she walked in.  Rodney moaned and shuddered.  "I looked like my ID card so that's five years old."

Abby beamed at her.  "Good idea, Sam."

"Oh, and he said in their world, Ancients made slayers."  Rodney stiffened, staring at her.  "That they knew about demons."

"Huh," Abby said, getting into the database copy they had on base.  She did a search for the word 'demon' and didn't come up with anything.  Rodney took over, doing a faster search for another few terms.  Something did come up.  "They knew about the scythe."

"It says the Ancients examined it and wondered about the power in it, but did not interfere."  He and Sam shared a look and she took over searching for that information.  Rodney settled in to write himself a long letter.  He also encouraged him to find the Abby in his world.  Since he was so blindingly happy with her, his other self should find some of that.

***

Xander looked at his other self that night.  "Do you think the others would mind if I wrote this in my world?"

"No.  I asked."  He smirked.  "Don't include us?"

"I'll make us a quiet corner worker chugging away at cases and weapons."

"That's cool."  He ate a bite and got up to go into the office, coming back with a removable hard drive.  "Tony said to make sure you get him right.  He's a very good playboy who can't find anyone out here.  So is Eric."  That Xander beamed, going to put it into his jacket pocket.  "Do you think there's all these people there?"

"Probably at least most of them.  I'll change enough things that no one's recognizable."

"They'd like that."

"I'm only worried about Finn's people."

"No, Riley's crap but they won't mind.  It's nowhere near them."

"They warned me not to let anything of Sunnydale or them show up.  They're trying to figure out if my hunting series is based on real hunters."

"Like the Winchesters?"

"Who?"

"Um, the training team for the slayers is a father and two sons who have hunted demons for years."

"I have a set of twin brothers and one female hunter being badasses and handling things.  If we can get me inside the apartment I'll give you my promo copies."

"That'd be cool."

"I gave Buffy the emo vampires stories.  My first agent wanted me to write more like them because they were selling.  She cackled *so* hard.  Woke the neighbors up cackling.  Then I gave them to Cordy to make her cackle and pick on Angel."  He beamed.

The local Xander snickered.  "I would've done the same thing.  How is your Buffy?"

"In LA.  It was nice she apologized for the last apocalypse and the things that happened afterward.  I'll go back for major things," he said at the look he got.  "Willow's gone too far."

"Here too.  She's in the jail."

"Maybe I should take a letter from this one to mine.  It might help her."  Xander nodded at that.  "You think she would?"

"I think she'd be horrified that you sicced the White Order on her," he admitted.  "You do know that they're probably beating the evil out of her?"

"Yeah, and I also know that she's threatened Tara; I was rescuing her from a kidnaping of Tara this time, and she had even sunk to hurting the cat."

"That wish was kinda strong."

"It let her pick someone who'd make her happy if she let herself be.  Even before the wish she tried to make them forget I existed and take over my apartment.  All sorts of neat things like that."

"Hmmm.  How do you solve a problem like Willow?" he quipped dryly.

"I'm all for them beating her ass.  Even if they are going S&M on her, as long as they make her see that her magic addiction is the problem."

"I'm sure she will," he agreed quietly.  "Here, Willow's hurt the base and me repeatedly."  They shared a look.  "I'll be writing one to her if she doesn't.  I never want you to have to play 'what if' with the universe."  He stuffed his mouth.

Xander shuddered.  "I'm sorry."

"So am I but I'm mostly healed.  Now and then heavy magic makes my arm ache where it was nearly destroyed during it."  He gave him a weak smile.  "It's only part of who we are.  Beyond that we're fascinating, wonderful, slightly intelligent, handy with weapons, and very good lovers.   Even if you are living UC in New York."

"Being undercover as a normal isn't so bad.  The cops in LA that used to shadow me on dates sent the file to the cops in New York.  I've helped a few times through another writer that I kinda look up to.  Then the apocalypse happened.  So I think they respect me more, I hope.  I think they do though.  They think I'm kinda creepy and odd."

"We can be," DCIS Xander agreed dryly.  "But we're passionate about some things."  He winked.  "We'll handle it."

"I hope so."  He looked around.  "No permanent girlfriend?"

"Nope.  Not right now.  Anya and I made another try after she got re-demoned after she died in Sunnydale's last apocalypse, but she'd have to die again because they couldn't take her powers from her.  We play now and then.  Everyone complains of course.  Apparently she's loud."  Xander snickered at that.  "She is."

"Yeah, she was."  He shook his head, stuffing it again.  "No one else?" he asked once he had swallowed.  The twinkie and frito pie was *great*.  He needed this recipe.

"A few that I was liking but they ended up not being able to handle it.  I'll find one sometime.  You?  You're living with Tara?"

"I had them give her a very girlish, pretty, delicate bathroom for her pleasure.  I have the bigger one upstairs.  She ignores it when I bring home dates and I take her to events so she can meet nicer girls and I can threaten anyone who might hurt her.  Like a proper brother."

"Good!  She could've used it."  He smiled.  Someone knocked and they looked over.  "Who is it?" he called.

"Fargo."

"Come in."  He came in and looked at them before handing over a stack of envelopes.  "Thanks, Fargo.  Me, this is Fargo, he used to be the assistant to the head of a super classified DoD company.  Now he works in the lab and proofreads."

"Hi, Fargo."  He shook his hand.  "Delivery duty?"

"Please."  He smiled.  "So you write?"

"Yup, and I'm an undercover hunter.  Usually I'm chained to my keyboard until Tara nags me to eat and stuff."

"Ours works way too hard but not that hard yet."  He smirked at his Xander.  "You're eating twinkies and fritos?"

Xander got him some and they sat down to talk about DCIS.  Since Fargo was so new, their Xander could tell him stories about the early days of the base.  Including before Tony got there.  Things were much more insane back then.

***

Dawn finally got there that weekend.  She stared at the second Xander.  "No apocalypse?"

"Willow," their Xander told her.

"Ah."  She nodded.  "Bitch."  She looked him over.  "What's new from here?"

"The bag, the hard drive I was using, and the letters."

She shielded the bag and added something to it so the hard drive wouldn't erase.  "Okay, let's see if I can do this.  Where do you want to appear?"  He shrugged.  "No preferences?"

"I'm not sure if our apartment has been unsealed by the crime scene guys after Willow kidnaped Tara.  How about the park?  Or maybe the store....."  He considered it.  "Do you need pictures?"

"Yup."

He sighed and thought, picturing the shop.  Then he switched and got a picture of the cabin off Daniel's PDA.  He had pictures on it.  "That's his buddy's cabin.  I have my cards so I can fly home."

She looked at it.  "Is it exactly the same?"  He nodded.  "Perfectly?"

"I think one cushion was blue checked instead of red."

"Okay."  She tested his magical signature.  "How did they weed the hellmouth energy out of you?"

"Something Doctor Lam did.  I was asleep."

"Decent," she decided.  "We might need that."   She opened the picture, finding the one out of many that matched his energy signature.  She found traces of him there so she knew it was the right one.  She opened up the portal.  "There you go.  Hold the bag against your chest.  It's shielded but there's some wind between."  She beamed at him.  "Beat her for us too."

"I will."  He shook hands and walked through.  He nodded and waved once he was over there.  She closed the portal.

"How in the hell?" Jack demanded from the porch.  It wasn't every day even he saw a shiny mirror looking hole open up in midair in his yard.

"Willow sent me to another dimension.  I have letters for some of your people from the ones there of them."

"Huh?" he asked.

"The guy with the glasses?  Your buddy?"

"Daniel, yeah, why?"

"He was running their agency that investigated demon crimes."

Jack shook his head quickly.  "Huh?"  Xander sat down on the porch steps and pulled out letters, letting him pluck out a few others.  "I know them.  I can have them delivered."

"They're from themselves there."  He beamed.   "They were pretty cool for being agents and stuff.  Oh!  Sam said to add a note onto yours earlier today.  She said to tell you to read McKay's after he does because there's some info in there on the ZPM thingy?  No idea what it means but she did mention spores and a shield and losing someone named Carson?"

"I can do that," he decided.  "Why come back here?"

"She needed a picture and that Daniel had one."

"That makes more sense.  Anything else you brought?"

"A hard drive?  They said I could write about DCIS.  Apparently they're slightly insane from being federal agents investigating demon crimes.  They all complained about the me there's multiple loud, mean girlfriends."

"Sure, I can understand why."  The portal opened and a new bag got tossed across then another bigger one.  "Thanks," he called, waving.  The Daniel on that side smirked and waved.   "Fucking nutsoid," he muttered, going to get it.  "Kid, this one's yours," he said, handing it over.  He looked at the other one.  Messages from the ones there to the ones here at Stargate and a few other places.  "I don't think they'd believe that," he decided.

"You never know.  Should I deliver those?"

"No, most of these go to my people."

"You sure?"

"Yup.  Head home, kid."

"Okay.  Can I get a cab?"

"Not all the way out here.  I'll drop you in town on my way to deliver these."  The boy beamed.  Really, the kid wasn't a bad neighbor.  A bit bouncy and happy when he was in a good mood.   Protective.  Didn't party too loudly.  He'd almost miss the kid.  He drove them into town, dropping him at the bus station.  "Take the bus to Denver and catch a flight.  That's the easiest way."

"I can do that.  Thank you."   He waved and walked inside, calling home.  "Hi.  I'm back."  He listened to her babble and squeal at Paula.  "Guess.  But I did get to see the other Xander and all his buddies.  I'm in Colorado Springs and I'll be back by tonight?"  He beamed.  "Taking a bus to Denver to get a flight to New York.  Sure.  I can do that."  He hung up.  "I need a bus to Las Vegas.  Apparently my agent wants me there."

"That's fine, sir."  He selected that and it came up.  "There's one bus change in Denver."

"That's cool."  He paid with his card and went to the bookstore and candy shop next door.  He avoided getting his own books.  They were on prominent sale.  "Marked down already?" he pouted.  "Huh."

"He's a very popular author but he's got something new coming out," the saleslady said with a smile.  "Do you like his stuff, sir?"

"Actually, I am him," he admitted with a smile.  "And yeah, there's something in the hunting series coming out next, then Tral's next part after that.  That'll be in three months and then at the end of five months for the Tral one."

She gaped.  "You're taking a bus?"

"To Las Vegas.  I had to take one to Denver anyway."  He shrugged.  "It works for me. I  can get stuff done while I'm on there.  Then I'll head home."  He grinned.

She shivered.  "That's very interesting.  Not many authors are that humble.  They want their own planes and things."

"No, writers don't make as much as rock stars unless you're in the top five best seller's list.  Or get groupies," he admitted.  She laughed.  "Really.  Otherwise I might have some."

She patted him on the arm.  "You're cute but much too young for me."  He winked back and she walked off giggling.  "Need something to read?"

"Please?  Graphic novel or good fantasy book?"  She pointed at the section, letting him denude it for the trip.  He paid and got something for the ride to eat and drink, then went to wait.  It wasn't too long.  He did get something done.

***

Jack looked at the people he gathered.  "I just had another Harris run in.  Apparently someone named Willow sent him to another realm where we're not quite the same.  We sent ourselves letters."

"What are we doing instead?" Daniel asked.

"You're running a federal agency that investigates demon crimes."  He handed over his very thick letter.  Then the second one.  He handed out the others, keeping his own.  "I was told by the Carter there that we need to know some of the non-personal stuff in McKay's letter to help Atlantis."

Carter looked at him.  "Maybe we should open it first?"

"Let him email back everything that's not personal.   I don't want to know what he told himself about girlfriends or anything.  Since I saw the one there with his arm around a woman's shoulders, I'm guessing he has one."

"He was touching a woman?" she asked.  "In public?"

"Yeah.  Pigtails, goth clothes....  He looked amused too."

She shuddered.  "That poor woman!"  She opened hers.  It had a lot of information on things that she didn't want to think about.  "She told me how to prove magic was real and in the theoretical ranges of string physics.  What's a slayer?"  She looked up.

"According to the Initiative's files, a mystically chosen female warrior," Jack said blandly.  "Why?"

"She is one."  She sat down, reading it again.

Daniel looked at his.  "I included what they found there about the Ori, Ancients and their demon connections from the Atlantis database, and a few other things.  Then I get a personal letter."  He read it, snickering.  "It starts out with 'if you're near Xander and he's dating, beware of the noise."  It went over what had happened.  "They got me right after Cam got here.  When they took Vala we went on hiatus.  The president reassigned me then to run the agency of cowboy agents and insane people who helped save the world even more often than we did.  Interesting."  He kept reading.

Cam read his and snorted.  "Mine says that the me there thinks you're insane for still being there but it's nice that they put us under you instead of the IOA."

"I might not mind that," Landry complained, reading his.  He snickered.  "I gave myself some fishing holes."  He shook his head.  "And a better antacid.  Plus an herbal pain killer?"

"Mine mentions that.  It's not addictive and it works well enough to cover up broken ribs," Daniel said.  "When are we doing the mail run to Atlantis?"

"Tomorrow is when we send information packets over," Jack said.  "Midway can send these through."  They all nodded at that.  It'd take too long by ship.  It might be important to save someone's life up there.

***

John walked down to take the bag.  "Mail?"

"Yes, sir, from a cross-dimensional trip.  I was told to tell you that the people there wrote those to you, they're a bit ahead temporally.  Also to tell Dr. McKay to send back any non-personal information in his since they think it has information on ZPMs and things."  He went back through the stargate and shut it down.

John nodded, walking off to pass those out.  Everyone was always happy on mail day.  "McKay, cross dimensional mail."  Rodney's head popped up from behind a machine.  "The you there wrote this.  It has personal and scientific information.  The main base said to share anything science related so they didn't have to see the personal stuff.  Radek, you have one too."   He handed the rest of the thick stack out, keeping his for last.  He settled in his office to read the thick letter.  It was amusing and amazing, but it did give him some information they needed.

McKay came stomping in.  "This is insane!"

"Why?  Is the you there dating?"

"Yes!  Some goth lab goddess!"  John just smirked.  "Radek's agreed!"

"So look her up, see if you're good together in this world."  He shrugged.  "I'm sure she's worthy of you if the you there is anything like the last version of you we saw."

"Well, of course she would be," he admitted.  "But still, a *goth* girl?"

"So?"  He shrugged.  "Are you unhappy for him?"

"No.   The letter said she even gave up sleeping in a coffin to be with me."  He sniffed.  "I'm quite strange there.  We deal with demons much more often."

"I'm learning that."  He smirked.  "I did get some information we can use."

"I got how they're doing ZPM's."  John sat up, staring at him.  "But it's based in magic being able to open a spot of void."

"Can we do that here?"

"I don't know!" he said, glaring at him.  "I know nothing about magic!"

"So send it and see if someone there does.  Anything else we can use?"

"Yes.  Including don't trust the Genii."

"We know that."

"It'll get worse.  Plus Carson's going to die if we aren't careful."

"How worse beyond that?"

"We're off Atlantis due to some spores that nearly killed us all."

"I want to know it before you send it."  McKay handed it over.  "I'll skip over the personal stuff."

"I doubt I'll track her down on this world."

"You might see if she's single.  You two might work well together."

"I don't think so.  He respected her because of all the work she did in their world in their agency.  Here she might still be at NCIS."

"So?  She's still her.  She's probably just as smart and plucky."

"Maybe."  He took the letter back.  "Let me send this to the main base."  He walked off to think and email that back there.

John smirked.  His letter had something on Abby and Rodney too.  It sounded nearly diabetic to watch but it might be good for him.

***

Xander walked into the hotel in Las Vegas, smiling at the woman pacing.  "It didn't take the bus that long," he complained.

Paula spun to look at him.  "Where were you for the last two weeks?"

"It was only a week there.  Huh."  He smirked.  "I had a trip thanks to Willow."

"Oh crap."

"She still with the priests?"

"They got her straightened out and brought her husband in to help them.   They're much stronger and he said to say thank you for helping her instead of taking her out."  She moved closer.  "You're all right?"

"My counterpart had a good hand with cooking.  The base was wonderful too."

"Base?"

He nodded, smirking at her.  "Room?"

"Room?  Oh, yeah."  She handed him the keys.  They went up there and he carefully dropped the bags.  "What the hell happened?" she demanded.

"Willow sent me to another version of me in another dimension."

"Oh, god," she moaned, sitting down.

"It's cool and I have a *huge* idea."  She gave him a hopeful look.  "It was kinda cool.  They were on a base.  They investigated demon crimes."  She smirked at that.  "They had the *whole* base, plus science department, plus jail.  Weapons cases.  Everything I could drool over.  I have to change descriptions to protect the versions here."

She wiped her mouth to make sure she wasn't drooling.  "Can you do that?"

"Yeah.  I might need some help with the agency stuff."

"I'm sure we can get you some."  She stood up.  "You're okay?"

"He took me to a small amusement park.  I got to talk to a bunch of the slayers, who all cooed at me and hit on me.  I met some hunters and they liked my version.  If I had appeared at home I would've given them my promo copies."

"Tara said something about doing that."  She shook her head.  "I didn't understand what she said.  She did say that she's fine now."  Xander smiled at that. "She wants you back soon."

"As soon as you don't need me here.  I called but it was busy for two hours."

She smiled.  "She's found a new friend."

"Cool.  Is she nice?"

"Very."

Xander called, sitting down at the desk.  "I tried to call earlier."  She squealed in his ear.   "I'm okay.  She sent me to another dimension's version of me."  He beamed.  "Yup, it was cool.  I'm okay.   Are you okay?"  She babbled at him and he smiled.  "Of course you're allowed to have your girlfriend over.  I'm not that sort of guy, Tara.  If you two want me to, I'll hide or go write on the front stairs or something.  You know that.  Nothing's....  you don't have memories from back in LA to the new city...."  He sighed.  "She can't undo it?"

He listened.  Then he sighed.  "What does she need to undo it?  Because you know I'll do what I can."

He listened.  "We have that, Tara.  Tara, hellmouth," he pointed out dryly.   "They grow there by the beach."  He rolled his eyes.  "I'll call LA.  They can kiss my ass.  It was necessary.  She... I'm not going to argue, Tara.  It's not worth it to argue about Willow."  He smiled.  "True.  Okay, I can do that.  What else?"  He listened.  "You had some of that in your case.  Ask the CSI guys if you can have it back?"  He nodded.  "Okay.  Did they open the weapons?  I thought so.  Thanks."

He hung up and called LA.  "Wesley, me.  Don't even start.  Really?  You mean like the blood smear on the wall from her?"  He smirked.  "Exactly.  Because she was stalking her, Wesley.  If this was a normal stalking I would've helped her get a restraining order.  Especially since she messed with everyone's memories."  He smirked at the wall.  "Exactly and I'm not going to let *anyone* hurt Tara.  She's been hurt enough by all that shit."  He nodded.

"Exactly.  No, to undo the spell, we need Mohra demon blood and a few of the crystals that grow in the caves by the beach.  Yeah, the blue/green ones.  They said they needed a fully ripened and loaded one.  I can go back and get one," he offered dryly.  "Thank you.  Yeah, I'm back.  No, she sent me to another realm."  He looked at the letter in front of him.

"Actually, I have one from the her there to the her here.  The one there was in jail for magic abuse."  Wesley shuddered.  "Yeah, so I'm in Las Vegas for a bit.  Paula said so.  Agent, Wesley.  You knew this last week."  Wesley muttered and checked himself.  Then he started to swear.  "Yup.  Want the letter?  Please do."  He hung up.  Wesley appeared a few minutes later.  "Willow grammed?"

"Yes."  He took the letter to look at.  "This is sad."

"When did she get you guys?"

"Afterward.  She admitted it.  She said they allowed it."

"No they wouldn't.  Which means they're going to hunt her down probably.  They are associated with the roaming hunters," he said at Wesley's glare.  "Technically, I just wanted the priest in New York that dealt with that stuff, not one of them specifically."

"No, it was a good call.  She needed their help.  She still does.  Daniel is helping her though.  I'll let him know."  He looked him over.  "Are you all right?"

"Not bad.  The me in that other dimension is a federal agent in the agency that handles demon crimes."

"Interesting."  He looked up.  "I'm ready."  She brought him back.  He walked her over to Daniel.  "She has other memory spells to cure."

"I figured she did," he admitted.  "Considering I don't remember yesterday."

"They know roaming hunters, Daniel."  Willow moaned.  He held up the letter.  "From the you in the realm that you sent Xander to."  She gave him a horrified look.  He read it, nodding at what it contained.  "The you there was so bad, you played with Xander so hard it nearly destroyed him and the world."  He looked at her.  "You're in jail for nearly killing the slayers by calling a very high demon."

"I can't be."  She took it to read, choking up on what it said.  "No!"

"You have to reform yourself, Willow," Daniel said quietly.  "We don't have a jail here.  All we have here is a burning pile of wood and a hunter."  She started to cry.  He wanted to hold her but she was at fault.  He patted her on the back.  "Remove all the spells."  She muttered and let it go, crushing something in her hand.  He gave her a hug.  "You'll reform so when they check on you they know that.  It's for emergencies and apocalypses."

"It is," she agreed, looking at him.  "I'm sorry."

"We'll heal and move on from here.  I'll help.  Even if I do have to divert your attention," he said, making her blush.  He kissed her on the cheek.  "Now, make sure the spells are all off everyone, Willow.  All but Angel's."   She nodded, taking him with her.

Wesley smiled at the watching Angel and Gunn.  "It seems it was a good trip in more ways than one."

"Hopefully," Gunn agreed.  "I'm not getting between her and a hunter."

"Me either but we can tell them that she's given it up," Angel decided.  "As long as she has."  He walked off to make that known.  She had finally been broken.  Even though she couldn't sit from the last one it had been this that had forced her to finally see it.

***

Xander looked at the man who was there to talk to him.  "Graham, I'm going to piss you guys off."

"Why?" he complained, sitting down.  They were back in New York and Xander had picked a nice place for lunch.  "Will I need antacids?"

"I got a good idea when Willow sent me away from saving Tara."

"I heard."

"They finally got through to her," he admitted.  "But while visiting with the other me there....."

"And their world didn't end?"

"They had nine of us or so there for a major apocalypse."

"That poor world."  He moaned, shaking his head.

"They also had all the slayers activated," he said quietly.  "Because the First Evil destroyed the Council and they had to so she was defeated."  He handed over something.  "From Faith in that world, who was out and being the big sister to all them.  On the apocalypses they've seen.  Make sure Angel gets that."

"Of course."  He looked at it then at him.  "What else happened?"

"DCIS."

"Defense Contractors Investigative Services?  Or whatever that is?"

"Demon Criminal Investigative Services."

Graham stared at him.  "Um...."  Xander held up a key drive.  "What's this?"

"Their first case that I got given."

"Am I there?"

"Nope.  Homeland.  All you guys are in Homeland."

"I'd hate that."  He took the key drive and smiled at the waitress handing him a plate.  "Thank you."  She handed Xander his and walked off with a wink for Xander.  "Thanks for ordering, Harris."

"Welcome."  He smiled.  "Nowhere near you guys' things.  Though I did see the guys from the cabin there."

"I don't want to know because that'll get me sanctioned," he said bluntly.

"That's fine.   I carried letters from the them there to the ones here."

"That's good of you."

"They were ahead."

"Oh."  He nodded, opening the note to read it over.  "Oh, crap," he said.  "LA?"

"Might be able to be stopped, no clue," he admitted.  He shrugged.  "Let me know."

"I will."  He dug into his salad.  It was calming on his stomach.  "Before you print anything...."

"I'm only halfway through."

"Thank you, Harris.  And for the warning."  He finished up and put down for the tip, heading back to the office to tell his boss that.  He ran the case file on the way.  That dimension must be so screwed up.  Xander Harris as a federal agent?  They were doomed!  His boss looked up when he got back there a few hours later.  "We have foretelling of doom, in multiple keys, and Harris got sent by Rosenburg to another realm where he's an agent."  His boss took a swig of Pepto.  He let him see the case file.  "His new book is being based there."

His boss read through it.  "I feel sorry for their world that they need this."  He looked up.  "He's warning us?"

"Yup."

"Thank you."  He looked at the note.  "That's... really bad."

"They have *all* the potential slayers activated."

"Oh, hell!" he said, looking at him.

"We're in Homeland though."  He smirked.

"I'd kill you all," he promised.  "Put you out of your misery."  Graham laughed.  "All right.  We need to work on this Black Thorn group now."

"He wanted to make sure we shared with Summers and them."

"Do so."  Graham ran off a copy.  "This file?"

"Fair warning in his case.  He's halfway done."

"I feel very sorry for their world."

"He did say some of the guys at the cabin thing were there.  He's probably going to change identities."

"Good!"  He stared at him.  "Well, it can't be any worse.  With his hunting series it might be very popular."

"It could be," Graham agreed.  "It doesn't really touch on ours."

"Even better.  I won't stop him making a living with this.  If it touches on us or the current teams and he can be roasted."

"Yes, sir."  He saluted and left to send those notes to Wesley in LA.

His boss had some more pepto before telling the others who would need to know.  Their world was so screwed up.  He hoped they didn't run here when Harris destroyed their world.

***

Xander bounced into the mall, finding the young woman he needed. His spies, namely Paula, had said she'd be here today shopping for a new book opening party.  He found her and her grandmother.  "Alexis."

"Xander," she said, smiling at him.  "Is Paula being mean and making you shop?" she asked.

"Not quite.  I'm looking for you."

"Who are you, young man?" the older woman asked.

He grinned.  "Hi, Alexian Harris.  Your son helps me some and I want to hire your daughter to help me with the newest series."

"I can't proofread."

"I have one of those I pay.  I need someone to look over the 'agency' and that sort of thing.  I know *nothing* about corporate structure inside the government.  Or outside the government really."

She considered it.  "You're crossing into Dad's area?"  He held up a key drive.  "What sort of paycheck are we talking?"

"Shopping trip for each book?  Say.... a grand?"

"Five," she countered with a smirk.  "I can do that much shoe shopping."

"Buffy could too.  Two and you get credit?"

"I could stand two."  Her father walked over.  "Dad, he's bribing me to help him with a new book."

"For?" he asked with a smirk.  "Bribery already?"

"It's an agency."

"You're doing something like Clancy?"

"Not quite."  He beamed.  "It's explained in there so you could look over her shoulder if you want.  Do you think two grand of shopping is good?"

"I think she'll run you ragged, kid."  He took the keydrive.  "Let me help her look it over tonight and I'll let her decide."

"Thanks."  He hugged all three and bounced off to have some pretzels.

"Eat something to soak up that sugar," he called after him, making his mother laugh.  He looked at his daughter.  "I'll help."

"Thanks, Dad.  I could use the shopping trip."

"I know you could."  He patted her on the back, putting the drive into his pocket.  He had no idea what the kid was going for this time but he had nearly looked unholy in his glee.  That was probably a bad sign.  That or his daughter might go evil by taking the kid shopping.  She might get more clothes that gave boys *ideas*.

***

Castle walked up to Xander the next day, staring at him.  "Where did you get that screwed up idea?"

"That's where Willow sent me."  He beamed.  "I was very fun."

"You mean you...."

"Yup."  He beamed.

"Was I there?"

"Not on the base and I didn't have the time to go book shopping to see.  Sorry."

"No, that's good!" he assured him, sitting down at the table.   "I like that thought better.  Before my brain explodes.  You made Alexis have her first character crush."

"Cool!  Which one?"

"One of the lead former detectives."

"Andre, the nice playboy from the other federal agency, or Dante, the former one from up here?"

"Dante, and he sounded familiar."  Xander looked at him.  "You need to tweak those more, kid."

"I'm putting a disclaimer in the front that I do sometimes base physical characteristics on people but they are not really meant to be them."

"You still need to tweak them more.  Eye color, hair color."

"In his case, I've used his blue eyed icy stare a few times."

"I noticed that.  Lighten his hair.  A lot.  Make him a redhead."

"I might be able to do that.  I'll probably give Donnie a list of characteristics for each so he can make sure.  Does this mean I owe you a shopping trip too?"

"No, I'll let you take Alexis and my mother."

"Will she be giving me that scowling look again?"

"Probably not.  She knows I think you're like a mentoree, kid."  He leaned back, looking at him.  "Change some height and dressing styles too.  I recognized a few others from working over the last few years."

"Does that mean I should tone down the love interests?"

"No, I saw that file.  Let the lead guy, Andre, have all the loud ones.  He'd probably appreciate it."  A man in a dark brown suit and a white shirt walked over.  "Let me guess, Homeland?" he asked.

"Close.  NSA.  Mr. Harris, may I make a request?"

"Depends on what it is," he said calmly.  "Because we all know I'm not that fond of some people's ideas."

"Nothing like that, sir.  I was sent to ask you to please quit giving people headaches."

"Who did he give one to?" Castle asked.

"Graham Miller."

"I haven't seen him in weeks," Xander said dryly.  "How did I give him a headache this time?"

"We had someone checking on your newest story to make sure that it wasn't going to infringe on anything classified.  By the way, I would change that director a bit more, sir."

"I've already been told that about the others," he sighed.  "You hacked my computer to read the new book?  Are you guys *really* that bored?"

"No, sir, not your computer."

Castle glared at him.  "You have mine bugged?"

"You do have contacts that could become compromising."

"Not like I use them that way."  He sipped his coffee.  "Other than the descriptions, did you guys like the new book?"

"I found it quite amusing.  How did you come by this idea, sir?" he asked Xander.

"Rosenburg."

"Oh.  When you were missing/supposedly at the vacation cabin?"  Xander nodded.  "That's fine then, sir.  Just change those so they won't recognize themselves.  Even with that warning in front.  Thank you and we'll wait to read the rest when it comes out."  He left.

"The nerve of them," Castle complained.

Xander patted him on the arm.  "I probably know more highly classified people than you do."

"Probably," he admitted.  He smirked at him.  "I think that was a good review though.  It was so good it gave a spook a headache from thinking we might have to do that?"

Xander beamed.  "I could like that one.  I'll change those later and make sure Donnie has a character list."

"That might be handy, kid.  This is looking good."  Xander beamed.  "Maybe you'll even get those groupies this time."

"I do need to find a new one to date."  He sipped his soda while his mentor laughed.  "Do you think Paula's going to be happy with it?"

"I think so.  I like it so far."  He smirked at him.  "Ask her for more help whenever you want, kid."  He stood up.  "She's a teenage girl, she likes to shop," he warned.

Xander smirked.  "I know.  I was surrounded by them for the longest time.  That's why I don't shop."  Castle walked off giggling at that.  Xander finished his soda and went home to work on those problems then finish that story.  Donnie would freak out.  He hadn't gotten anything in months.

***

Xander looked in Paula's office.  "You're going to hate me."

"Why am I going to hate you, Xander?" she asked, looking up from the book she was working on.  "Did you quit writing again?   Are you getting sued?  Are you parents back?"

"No to all three of those.  Donnie is cursing me."

"Why?"

"He said he's got another overloading author."

"So you have something new?"

"Yes.  It even gave some agents headaches when they hacked Castle's home computer and read the first few chapters I had him looking at for government stuff."

"Why?" she asked.

"Remember what I told you in Vegas?"

"You got one done?"

"Three."  He beamed and handed it over with a paper on top.  "I got advised that I was too close to their real lives here.  I had to change things so I made a list for easier catching of mistakes in things like hair and eye color."

She blinked at the thick books then at him.  "Is that a case of paper?"

"Kinda almost?" he guessed.  "But Donnie said he's really busy with a first time author who's needing more hand-holding than I did."  He shrugged.  "So you get the first look again."

"Thanks.  I think."  She flipped past the disclaimer and 'thanks' statement on the first page.  "We start with an assassination?"  She looked up and he nodded.  "Quit biting your lip, you'll scar and evil girls will want to kiss it and make it better."

"I could use a new evil girl.  Merry, are you single?" he called.

"No, Mr. Harris, I'm not single.  Sorry.  I have to kill my boyfriend tonight," she called.  "After I bury him in the park I might take you up on it though."

"Cool.  I need a new girlfriend."  He beamed at his agent.

"Don't make me hire again," she muttered, shaking her head and getting back into the story.  It was engrossing.  "You know I don't usually fully read things, right?" she asked, looking up.  Great, he was gone.  "Did he do his impersonation of Batman again?" she called to her assistant.

"He said if this went really popular, you'd make him shop some more so he's hiding from you," Merry called.  "He said that you fully reading it meant he'd have to shop again."

"Uh-huh."  She went back to it, ignoring the other book she needed to finish proofreading.  She finally had to put it aside, she had a meeting with her boss.  She carried in the first one to go over again.  She was falling behind.  Her boss finally got done with his last one and came out to find her working.  "Sir," she said, looking up at him with a smile.

"Is that one any good?"

"Mostly good.  It could use some more editing for finesse."  She stood up to follow him into the office.  "She's already established with us but she was having relationship troubles when she wrote this one.  The heroine keeps wanting to grab a bat to deal with her new ex."

"That's fine.  What about the Harris account?  We haven't gotten anything new from him?"

"He just dropped three off earlier, sir, and the first one was so engrossing I forgot I needed to do some finer point editing on this one."  She put it aside.  "We also have a few years worth from him already."

"Is it all publishable?"

"Yes, sir.  His editor usually gets it before it's submitted so he can tell him if it's reasonable and saleable."

"Interesting.  Does that cost him a lot?"

"He keeps one on contract.  I got these new ones first because he's hand-holding a new writer according to Mr. Harris."

"Wonderful.  Will the others be as highly rated as his were?  I know fantasy authors hardly ever make the top ten."

"His hunting series' first one made it to twenty.  He'd only had three books out before then and only two were from us.  The others went to a small company.  That was before we signed him."

"I looked over that.  It was unusual for another agent to come to us but I can see why he did since all he had access to were smaller companies."  He looked at her.  "How good are the newest ones?"

"I don't read fantasy and I was eighty pages in before I realized I was reading it instead of proofreading it."

"Huh.  So, if we give him time he'll be up there with Castle?"

"The hunting series, yes.  The other series, again they're fantasy and not going to get that high up."

"I can agree with that.  He does make us a profit."

"Sir, he makes us a tremendous profit and a few of the fantasy and science fiction authors have checked into us taking them when they need new contracts," she told him. "They like how he's treated and how we helped him when he was unsure of things."

"Good.  That's very good.  Business is slowing down as you know."

"I do know that, sir, and his books are suitable for e-books.  We do release them at the same time."

"Good."  He considered her.  "Do you have too much work to do?"

"I'm not sure," she admitted.  "Why do you think I do?"

"Harris is prolific and even with an editor you have to hand hold him."

"Not really, sir."

"You sent him to a personal shopper?"

"He wears *horrible* print shirts and he showed up to an interview with one on and jeans."  He grimaced at that.  "They were nicely clean, pressed, all that, but he went for comfort.  I arranged for a personal shopper and his former girlfriend to bully him into Tommy Bahama and a good suit."

He smiled.  "Still some ugly shirts."

"She didn't let him get those.  Professional shorts, camp shirts, a few with prints but none of the loud ones.  One good suit for things like award dinners.  He paid for that.  All we paid for was her airfare out of the slush fund for makeovers."

"Excellent."  He considered it.  "What if I brought in a new agent and moved two of your nineteen clients to them?"

"Which ones?"

"Would Harris move?"

"No.  He likes me enough to nag about my blood pressure."

"Interesting."

"I yelled at him for it and he got blocked."

"Very interesting.  Going after another author?"

"No, sir, because he dates evil girls.  Killers, psychos, that sort."  He grimaced.  "We don't know what draws them but the homicide department locally knows to check on who he's dating.  They have the file from his dates in LA.  Speaking of, I'm hoping my assistant was just joking when she said she'd go out with him after she killed and buried her present boyfriend."

"I'd hope so.  It did save the company having you take six weeks to hire the last one though."

"Is that an issue?  Mr. Harris has a new hunting series book coming out and I'm setting up appearances and promotion for him."

"No, it's not an issue more than usual," he assured her with a smile.  "I have a trainee agent that's being moved up from the assistants."

"I have Hervette and Kinsey or Palompona that I can duet with him to make sure that there's not any problems before he takes them over."

"That's not a bad idea.  Three is a good start until he can sign others of his own."  She smiled at that.  "Are they mass producing?"

"Kinsey is more historical mysteries.  Hervette is political.  Palompona is comedy and wants to be the next Dennis Miller."

"Okay, that sounds like they're good sellers?"

"Mostly middle of the road for their categories.  They also do write in other genres under other names to make extra money.  Mostly in romances.  That would give him a good stack to start with and learn how to deal with the multi-group things that happen due to the dual names."

"Good.  Does Harris?"

"Sir, he put out seven saleable books in the last year," she told him.  "Please don't.  He has to have someone to remind him to eat because he's one of those muse-driven writers."

"Ah, one of those," he sighed.  "I have met others.  It's tragic when they're stuck."

"He was angry when he got stuck last time.  Fourteen trees chopped for firewood, two cabins fixed up, all with a broken rib, and then Tara got him to write the anger into a new hunting novel."

He smiled.  "Is it any good?"

"Fairly dark in content but people are going to eat it up.  It has under-themes of people being addicted to their skills and the ones addicted to the thrill of the hunt.  It's like a very dark PSA in some ways but it's got a good story above it."

"Excellent.  Castle's?"

"He's submitted, it's in editing.  I do not edit his myself due to our past relationship."

"That's responsible of you," he promised.  "I'll set up a meeting between us and the new agent tomorrow?"

"I have a signing with Hervette tomorrow afternoon," she admitted.

"Then we'll do it in the morning.  Say ten?"  She checked her phone, shaking her head.  "Meeting?"

"Publishing staff's schedule of output meeting all morning, sir.  The next day is free until two, then I have meeting with the editors on the newest Castle book and two others."  She looked at him.

"That'll work for me," he said after checking his own.  "I'll get him up here.  You bring up their backlog and their files."  She smiled and nodded.  "Let me know how good his is."

"I can get you the first one if you want, sir."  He shrugged so she went to get it, letting him read the first few pages.

He looked up thirty minutes later then looked at the page count.  "You're right, he can suck you in."  He handed it back with a cleared throat.  "Are his other ones that good?"

"The hunting series, the half elf one, and the this one.  The others are normal, entertaining books."

"That's very good for us.  Encourage him in those series."

"I have.  The one outside contract he has is for a limited, already completed series.  The other one I haven't seen a new one on but there's four left in it to go."

"Wonderful.  How many did he give you of this one?"

"Three books."

"How long is he writing each day?"

"It depends on the day.  Some days he has hundred page days, some days he sits and watches daytime tv with his roommate's cat."

"Is he sane?"

"Most of the time.  Now and then he has too much sugar and scares the crap out of people."

He burst out laughing.  "That's a good warning.   Let me know when those start going out."

"I'm thinking this first one, maybe Christmas."

"That's a good time for book sales."  He smiled.  "You look tired.  Take the rest of the afternoon off, Paula."

"Thank you, sir."  She picked up both manuscripts and went back to her office.  She'd take them home and read them on the couch instead of in the office.  "Merry, I'm taking the afternoon off on orders.  I'll be at home soon."  She grabbed one last thing and left, putting the books into her carry bag.  Maybe she'd treat herself to some wine at the same time.  She deserved it to get through the dryer book.  Xander's would be a treat later.

The End.

Chapter 5: Traveling Complications

Xander gets to go on a European book tour...but there's a small hitch that his last traveling excursion thanks to Willow left him with some...extras.

Xander bounced around the house.  Tara huffed but she couldn't get him calmed down.  It was an awards dinner.  He was dressed but wrinkling himself bouncing around watering plants and dancing with the cat.  She finally managed to save her poor, dizzy cat and put her into a chair, pushing Xander into a chair at the table so she could attack his hair.  He huffed but oh well.   Someone knocked and Xander bounced over to get it.  "Hi!" he said happily.

"Ah, nerves," the woman on the other side sighed.  "Come on, kids.  Xander, we did *rent* something?"

"No, Paula's boss gave me a new car," he said with a cheesy grin.  "It's very shiny and pretty."

"Uh-huh.  We'll see."  Tara joined them, locking the door behind them.  "You look very nice, Tara."

"Thank you.  Alexis and I took her shopping card from Xander for her help and went looking.  She found it."

"My daughter does have spectacular taste," she promised.  She smiled at Xander's new car.  The old one was still there.  "Are you selling the sedan?"

"I haven't decided yet."  He undid the alarm with the keychain remote and held the doors for them.  Tara got into the back with a wink for him. He walked around to get in and drive.  His new girlfriend played with his hair.

"I tried but he was bouncing and making my cat dizzy," Tara told her.

"I know, dear.  It's nerves.  I've seen it before."  She knew Xander was ignoring the fact that she was his mentor's ex-wife.  She was as well.  Xander drove them to the hotel for the party and dinner, letting the valet take it.  He got out and walked over to take their arms.  Tara patted him and walked in beside them.  "Paula," she said when they ran into her in the hallway to the ballroom.  The agent was on her phone complaining to someone.  "Did your date have to work?"

"Yes," she complained, hanging up.  "Apparently having a baby is more important than this."  She looked at them.  "Xander, I didn't know you were dating."

"We met a few weeks back," he said with a grin.  "The muses even like her."

"They wrote on me last time," she quipped back.

"Wonderful.  Tara.  Thank you for keeping him calm and making sure he does things."  She smiled.  "Come on, you can pretend to be my date."

"I said I'd be bringing them both," Xander told her.

"Really?  Hmm."  She walked them inside and to their table.  Tara did have a place card.   One of the others had been moved.  She got hers and moved one of the ones at the table.  "They put me with the boring drama novelists," she sighed.  She sat down.  The ladies got their chairs pulled out for them and then Xander sat down.  "Are we going out to party after this?"

"I don't know," Xander admitted.

"I have to work tomorrow," Tara admitted with a small smile.  "They can go close down a club or two in my place."

"We'll try not to wake you up when I bring him home," the girlfriend said with a smirk for her.

"Please.  Or step on Miss Kitty's tail either please, Meredith."

"I will try, dear."

"She might claw you next time."

"I know."  She smiled at her daughter when she walked in.  "That makes you look fresh and young, dear."

"Mom, hi."  She looked around then at her.  "I didn't know you were dating Xander."

"Yes, dear, I picked him up the other night."  Xander nodded, smiling slightly.   "You know how I love artistic men."

"Mom, you know he writes fantasy, right?"

"Yes, dear, and he's very much one in bed."

"I don't need to hear that.  Let me tell Dad you're here."  She walked quickly out to where her father and grandmother were.  "Did you know Mom's picked up another author?"

"Yes," he complained.  "She told me she was going to go after Xander the other night when she showed up suddenly."  He looked at her.  "I still say that dress is too cutesy."  He signed another book with a smile.  His mother sighed but walked on.  He glanced at his daughter.  "I take it they're here?"

"Yes.  With Tara guarding him.  Mom just shared *way* too much."

"That sounds like her," he said dryly.  He took her arm and walked off with her once the last autograph was signed.  Paula spotted him and waved him off.  He walked over anyway, smiling at the kid.  "Someone's going to say something about you turning into me."

"You know, this new series means we're going to be competing," he teased back.

Castle snickered.  "Maybe.  We'll see, kid."  He smirked at his ex.  "Mother probably says hi, Meredith."

"I already waved at her."  She smiled.  "No date?"

"There's no one I'd rather bring than my daughter."

"Poo, you're no fun."

Xander looked at her.  "He has a lot of fun.  He's getting all sorts of ideas working with the detective."

"I saw the preview of the new book," she purred.  "How is she?"

"She's very good as a detective and doesn't let him tease or flirt," Alexis told her.  "She's not a groupie, Mom."  She walked her father off.  "I'll see you later."

She watched them go.  "My poor daughter," she sighed.  "He dressed her to look younger."

"Alexis picked it out," Tara corrected.  "She liked it."

Meredith looked down at her. "She did?"  Tara nodded.

"She tends to dress like that when she does formal things," Paula agreed.  "Very tasteful at her age."

"I saw her in that white dress you got her, Tara," Meredith reminded her.  "Can't you find her more like that?"

"In different colors.  I did talk her and her friend from getting leather bustiers.  Her friend wanted to try one."

"He would've yelled," she agreed with a sigh.  "That would be much too old for her."

"I think her friend was going for that one picture of the heiress slut last month," Xander said dryly.  "I told her how chaffing leather pants could be."  Tara smiled at him for that.

"The one in People or the one on ET?" Paula asked.

"The one in Maxim."  She shivered.  "I told her friend if she wanted to buy it to keep the receipt for when her mother caught her."  Castle looked over from his table of dry authors he had nothing in common with.  He looked at the other cards and shrugged, pointing at them.  Alexis made their excuses and changed the cards with the excuse of she wanted to talk fashion with her mother for a bit.  They all smiled at her and agreed to the change.  The three of them settled into their seats with a small sigh of relief.  "Aren't they the ones who write the terribly relevant novels?" he asked quietly.  Alexis nodded, grimacing since they couldn't see it.  "Did your friend go back to get that outfit?"

"Her mother saw it and threw an absolute fit.  She had to take it back and was grounded for a month," she said dryly, smirking at him.  "You told her a parent wasn't going to like it."

"What outfit?" Castle asked.

"Did you read Maxim last month?" Tara asked.  He nodded slowly.  "The black and blue leather outfit."

"I talked her out of that and a leather bustier," Xander said dryly.  "She went back for it."

"Her mother must've had a fit.  She's vegan too," he complained.  Martha laughed.  "That was a tawdry outfit, Mother."

"I saw it.  If my body was just a bit more firm I might've tried it on."

Alexis shook her head.  "I don't have the hips or body for it."  Xander smirked at her for that.  "I'm realistic.  Maybe in two more years."

Her father looked at her.  "I don't care if you do go out to get a bit wild now and then," he told her.  "But don't go out looking like a dominatrix or a whore please."

"I wouldn't!"  She smirked.  "Or make you a grandfather for many years."

"Thank you, dear."  He smirked at her.  She cackled back.  "Xander, quit giving her ideas.  By the way, I saw those boots."  He gave him a dirty look.

"She wanted higher ones."

"No.  Not really practical."

"I can wear them with a few different outfits," she complained.  "Very pretty mid-calf stiletto boots," she told her mother.

"Those are for older women on the prowl, dear.  Please don't make me a grandmother.  Ever."

Martha shook her head.  "She's a wise girl.  I'm sure she'll wait until after she's fully committed herself to someone and they're suitably settled into at least living together."

"If not, I have a few shotguns he can borrow," Xander quipped.

Castle nodded.  "I heard."

Tara nodded, ducking her head.  "He got a new one the other day.  Very pretty but I don't like guns."

Xander nodded.  "Very pretty.  The new .308."  Castle moaned.  "Yeah.  I was petting it like I do the cat.  She got very jealous."  Alexis cackled at that, shaking her head.

"She was.  She went up to have a hairball on his bed," Tara sighed.  "My poor kitty is getting too many rich heiress ideas again.  Next she'll want a kitty massage."

"So get a kitten that'll knead her," Xander quipped with a grin.

"No, that's a bad idea.  She might not like having the competition for your lap when you're writing.  Even if the new one would knead her like a kitten would its mother or Miss Kitty does your shoulders when you're trying to sleep on the couch."

"How did you find something that works on pet hair?" Martha asked.  "We used to have a dog but the pet hair was horrible."

"Yellow tape," Xander said.  "Works wonders whenever I have to defur.  She's still sleeping in my shoe organizer so I moved the shirt she climbed up a few times next to it.  Since I can't wear it, she can fur it all she wants."  He looked at Tara.  "Can you not feed her that one organic fish wet food again please?  I had to air out my closet and bedroom thanks to that stuff."

"Puked?" Paula asked.

"No, other end.  Farted in my closet for *four hours* one night.  I almost made Tara go sleep in my room since it was her fault."  He sipped his water.  The others cracked at that, shaking their heads and smiling.

"I won't feed it to her again, Xander.  Or the beef one that not even Febreeze worked on."

Alexis snickered.  "I was there the day you were trying, with the windows all opened."

"It still smelled two days later," Tara assured her.  Xander got into his pocket to grab his vibrating phone, looking at the message.  "Important?" she asked quietly.

"No, not really.  Buffy wanted to talk later.  I said I'd call after this and before we went out."

"You two.  I have to work," she reminded him.

"Fine."  He smirked at her.  "Should we try to find you a really nice young lady to date?"

"Nope.  Your taste is bad."  He smirked at that.  "It is!"

"It's different," he corrected.

She stared at him.  "Last month they arrested your date during dinner, Xander.  It's *bad*."

"I remember telling them to do a background check on her," Castle said dryly.

"Gee, thanks, Dad," Xander quipped.

"Hey, I'm the cool dad, but you still date evil wenches."

"She was only wanted for business tax evasion," he complained.  "Much nicer than my usual ones."

"Like Helmsley?" Alexis asked.

"No, more like Jameson.  She ran an internet based business that she forgot to report."  Castle was choking.  "Thought you knew her?"

"I don't hit those sites.  I can find decent women to date."

Xander smirked. "Mine are probably more fun."

"Mine are safer for me, don't have anything, and don't try to kill me," he countered.

Xander shrugged.  "I haven't had one try to kill me in over a year.  And that was during bail jumping ...um...."

"She knows that word, kid.  She stopped over for some before she jumped bail?"

"Yeah, she's somewhere in Europe.  I got an email from her the other day.  She wants to visit if we do a book signing thing in Europe."

"You're *so* paying someone to go with you," Tara assured him.  "That way you make it to things and eat."

"I'll probably explore like the tourist I am," he said with a grin.  "Not like I've been out of the country.  The muses might even find whole new things to coo about over there."

"I noticed you had visited St. Patrick's Cathedral for one of the books," Paula agreed.  "Someone asked me where you got all the ideas for demons."

"Kitten poker circuit."

"I told her you loosely based them on people you knew," she said dryly.

"Which might be a problem in book two since it's got the arms dealing hoarder clans," he mused.  "Well....  Huh."  Tara patted him on the hand, but shook her head.  "What?  I made sure it got to the right people."

"I know you did when you blundered into it after a poker game."

"Kitten poker?" Alexis asked.

"Information circuit," he told her.

"Oh!  Yeah, Dad's got a guy for everything."  She sipped her own water.  "So, Dad, the new book is coming out about when his is.  Are we going to get jealous if he gets higher?"

"I don't think he will."

"I might do it later," Xander offered.  "I have to climb up since his starts out higher.  It's the name recognition thing.  I wonder if I gave any more agents headaches," he mused.

"Probably," Martha said.  "I read the first one and had a migraine thinking that there might actually be a world where that's needed."

"But I'd have fun there and date a whole lot of bad girls to attract them for cases," Xander quipped.

"I'm sure you would, young man."

Castle stared at him.  "You're so bad," he complained.

"Yeah," he grinned back.  "But I'm allowed since I'm young and only dating.  Not like I got to go wild back in high school.  Well, outside that hyena thing, but I don't discuss that around normal folk."  He beamed at Alexis.  "You and your grandmother both have delicate ears according to your dad."

"Yes they do," Castle agreed.  His phone rang.  "Castle."  He listened.  "Awards dinner but I can....  You sure?"  He shrugged and grimaced.  "I can do that tomorrow then.  Hey, I know her.  She should be here.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Paula, you need to tell someone that Sherry was just found hung," he hissed at her.  She nodded, going to do that.  "Sorry, work."

Xander beamed.  "I never get those calls.  I get more calls that start out 'eww'."

Tara nearly choked on her sip of water.  "Cordelia did complain for three hours."

"It was good to hear my former bitch whining about things," he said with a small shrug.  "Though if anyone ever tells her I said that, she'll try to take her petite battle axe to me."

"She has a battle axe?" Alexis asked.  "The fashionable brunette?  Wanna be actress Cordelia?"

"Yup.  You two met at the convention?"

"Tara introduced us while we were palling around and ran into her and Wesley."

"That's cool.  Wesley's a much better guy than we originally thought.  Cordelia, well, in high school she was the head cheerleader and had a group of sheep who followed her every fashionable step."

"Literal or figurative?" Martha asked.

"Depends on the outfit the other fashionable girls wore," he said dryly, cracking her up.  "Some did like fluffy things."  Tara moaned, shaking her head.  "Sunnydale wasn't the home of fashion," he reminded her.

"True.  I fit in very well in my long skirts."

Xander nodded.  "And the corset dresses."

"Those too."

"So that's how Alexis learned how to tighten one," Castle's mother realized, looking at her.

"Yes, Martha, she showed her and made her look *wonderful* at the convention in that black dress."

"I was about to make sure no one got any bad ideas," Castle said, giving Tara a pout.  "Put her in girlish things?"

"She can try on my old dresses if she wants.  Or the new silver and scarlet dress."

"I nearly wore that tonight with the new boots," she said with a smile for her father.  "I thought I'd look more formal in this."

"Quite possibly.  Have I seen this dress?"

"No."  She smiled at Tara.  "She finds some of the neatest things in the older stores."

Xander nodded.  "She won't let me buy her clothes either."  He looked at her.  "Should I pout for your birthday since you don't want presents?"

"I don't need presents."

"You made me have presents on mine."

"Good point."  She smiled. "I'm fine with a good ice cream cake."

"Birthdays should be celebrated until you forget you have one," Meredith told her.

"I don't worry about being too old.  Wrinkles, silver hairs, and lines are a sign that I've lived and survived the living."

"Tara," a woman said, walking over with a smile.  "I see Alexian dragged you to another event, dear.  You look pretty in that, even though it's a bit old fashioned."

"I like the older fashions.  I'd never be able to sit in a mini skirt without worrying."  She smiled at her.  "Besides, older fashions have grace and beauty that teases and tempts instead of blatantly states what you have."

"Of course I brought Tara," Xander said, ignoring his urge to kitty hiss at her.  "If it wasn't for her I would've died a few novels back by starvation.  She's the one that makes me quit writing and do other things, like sleep and eat."

"I suppose it's fine but people may talk," she told him with a catty smirk.  "The same as they might about you mimicking your mentor."

"She chose me when she got tired of all the wannabe models and actors who were more concerned about their body than hers," he said dryly, staring her down.  "She needed someone who was deeper than a mirror and who knew what a woman's body cried out for."  She blushed and walked off.  Now he hissed.

"You're picking up bad Miss Kitty habits again," Tara said quietly, patting him on the back.

"I've always liked smart men," Meredith agreed, smiling at Castle.  "Now I find it hard to keep one among the prettier ones but he's very good."

"I heard one was taken out while limp from him and begged for him to let her rest," he shot back.

"TMI," Martha complained.

"Sorry, Mother," Castle said.

"What was sad was I wasn't near done," he sighed, shaking his head.  "She had no stamina.  I need women with good stamina and brains," he told Tara.  She smirked and nodded.  "If you find one that's bi?"

"I'll send her your way, Xander.  Trust me.  I like sweet girls, not naughty girls.  Mine cuddle, not scream in three octaves a night."

"I've only had two," Meredith pouted.  Xander smirked at her and she actually blushed.  "We'll see."

"I'm not doing anything tonight."  He looked at Alexis.  "Your dad will be able to separate out the bad boys for you until you learn how to pick them."  She nodded at that.

"Yes I will be," he said bluntly.

"I don't know as it'd help.  Bad boys are fun," Martha sighed.  "If I was younger, I'd try to steal that one."

"Mother, eww," Castle complained.  "I don't need a stepfather, really."

Alexis was blushing but patted his hand.  "If she did remarry I'm sure they'd move her to his house after a lavish, sparkly wedding with a lot of flowers and a huge cake."

"Probably," he agreed.  That was a good thing of her finding someone to date, she'd move.  He cleared his throat.  "So, Meredith, anything going on professionally for you?"

"No.  I need to get those new headshots taken."  She sipped her water.  Paula came back.  "Are any of your clients going to have books turned into movies?"

"Only if we suddenly run into a big spot of murder mysteries being popular again," she admitted.

"Mine might make a good action movie."

"They'd have problems with the demons," Alexis reminded him.

"Good point."  He shrugged.  "Maybe one day."

"Maybe," Castle agreed.

"Rick?" a woman purred, walking up to him to stroke his shoulder.  "A few of us are at the bar making some plans for a weekend getaway.  Maybe even some skiing.  Would you like to join us?  We'll be finalizing when Shelly gets here."

"Let me go talk to them," he said, not looking happy.  He walked her over there to give them the bad news.  The one who had come to get him burst out crying the but the others looked grim.

"That is something I'm glad I never need to tell," Xander said quietly.

"Me too," Tara agreed.  "I want to go make them feel better."

"They wouldn't understand if you tried to give them a hug," Paula told her.  She nodded she knew that.  "Right now they're remembering all the others we've lost to addiction or depression."

"That's one thing I don't think I'll ever fall to," Xander told her.

"No, you've seen addiction very closely.  I doubt we'd lose you to that.  To a girlfriend possibly or a jealous fan, but not to an addiction."  She smiled.  "By the way, your parents missed their court hearing this morning.  Their lawyer had them GPS'd like you suggested and had them brought in from the bar.  They weren't happy."

"I'm sure they're not.  Was today the sentencing?"

"No," she said.  "It's the last day of testimony and the jury debating."

"And?" he asked, stiffening up.

"They came back guilty on the lesser charges of assault and violating the restraining order by sending threats to you."  Xander nodded, staring her down.  "The extortion charges they were mixed on.  They didn't convict your mother on them so she's free.  Your father is probably going to get some jail time."  Xander nodded, relaxing some.  "Your mother was told to go home by the judge.  His sentencing is in two weeks."

"Let me know how it goes."

"I will.  You're not going?"

"No.  Because I don't care."

She nodded.  "I can agree to that.  There has been some press attention?"

"Do I need to make a statement?"

"You have an interview tomorrow.  She might mention it."

"I have an interview tomorrow?"  He checked his phone, texting back to Buffy when he saw her new message.  "It's Wednesday and my phone said it's Friday, Paula."

She took it, getting out of the message that just popped up.  She synched his phone with hers after a few tries and handed it back.  "Buffy wrote."

He got into it and sent it back.  She sent back a groan and she'd call later, after ten.  He put it back into his pocket after sending back an 'okay'.  "Thanks, Paula.  Are you sure?"

"Yes, I checked earlier so I could pass those out tonight.  Wear something *decent*."

"The white shirt and shorts," he promised.  Castle came back.  "Are they okay?"

"They'll be okay," he assured him, sitting down again.  "Hopefully we'll know soon what happened and it'll make things easier."  He saw someone walk in and groaned.  "Kid, who did you piss off?"

Xander looked.  "It's a mask.  They got the color wrong," he mused.  "Huh."

"Do not pull out your paintball gun or anything else," Paula hissed.

"What makes you think I'm armed?" he asked, looking fondly at her.  "I'm not *always* armed."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"You can fight, yes you are," Castle said.  "I have to agree with her, kid."  The man with the shotgun and the demon face mask stomped their way.  "Hmm, cheesy costume, no hand coverings.  I would take that gun far away from my daughter before I make you eat it."

"Don't resist and no one gets hurt," he sneered.  He pointed the gun at Tara and then at the other women.  "Just give me what I want."  Xander sighed.  "You, no heroics!" he sneered.

"No, you're in the wrong place for me," Xander said, glancing at Tara.

She looked at him.  "Maybe."  She looked up at the man.  "We don't have anything you'd want."

"You have money."

"No, I'm a librarian.  I don't."  He growled.  Xander shifted and the gun got pointed at him.

"I said, take the gun away from my daughter," Castle said.  "Now."

"Listen, old man...."

Tara muttered and flicked a finger, making him wince and step back a few steps before growling.  It gave time for Xander to pass Castle the knife he was carrying.  Castle threw it and the guy screamed and fled.  "Thanks, kid."

"I wasn't in a position to deal with it.  You were."  He shrugged, getting up to get his knife back.  He put it back into his ankle holster after he sat down.  "Nice throw."

"Thank you.  That thing's weighted toward the grip knob."

"Yeah, I needed that balance for hand-to-hand," Xander admitted.

Martha looked at him.  "You look so nice and sweet, young man.  You're not the sort that I'd peg as dangerous enough to get into knife fights."

"In my former town I was on the protection patrol.  Tara and I both were."  He smiled.  "We had a few times when it happened."

"Like walking kids home from the club?  Tara said Sunnydale was really tiny," Alexis said.

"Some of that, some problems with gangs.  It happens.  Which is why your dad's going to use me to threaten every single one of your boyfriends," he finished with an evil smirk.

"Sure, I'm sure I'll remain a virgin forever," she quipped back, grinning at him.

"No, some day you'll tell him you love him enough that he'll call me off and let you have that one to make your parents grandparents."

"Not for *many* years," Meredith complained.

Xander patted her on the hand.  "You'll never look like a grandmother," he promised, giving her a soft, gentle smile.  "You'll always look like the blushing young ingenue until you're ready to move on to better roles that comes from looking more mature."

Martha coughed to clear her smirk for that load of crap that had made her former daughter-in-law blush.  "There is an ever growing set of good roles since all the *good* actresses are now older.  Most of the young actresses today have very little talent.  It's almost turned me off seeing shows or movies."

"Most of them are found very young, and they're too young to know what they're really like," Meredith agreed.  "Then they get into the party mindset.  Which can be fun but they live there instead of dipping their toes.  I *swear* some of those children are fetuses I should be diapering, Martha."

"They saw the ones in your generation ruining their lives and decided the consequences couldn't happen to them," Xander told them.  "The same as any other addict."  Tara gave his arm a squeeze.  He smiled and patted her hand.  She relaxed again.  Then her nails dug into his arm.  He looked where she was.  "Interesting.  Are they going to strip?" he asked.

Castle looked.  "No, I know two of them."  He got up to ask them what was going on.  He pointed at the hallway.  They headed that way.  He came back.  "They were looking for the idiot in the mask."  He sat down again.  Their appetizers got delivered and the waiters disappeared again.

Tara waved at one to get his attention and held up her water glass.  He nodded and grabbed a pitcher to come refill all theirs.  "Anything else?' he asked quietly, looking around.

"Is there white or red wine with the main dish?" Martha asked.

"White, ma'am.  It's chicken."  She smiled and nodded at that so he went to refill other water glasses.  A few waiters did the same.  It made people happier again.  They went back to talking about the current gossip.

The head of the company came over, smiling at Paula.  "I see we regrouped ourselves?"

"I really couldn't find anything to talk about with some of them, sir," Paula said.  "They wanted to compare their contracts to others' contracts.  I'm not comfortable pimping the contracts of the better selling authors."

"That's most reasonable," he assured her, patting her on the shoulder.  "Mr. Castle, and family.  Mr. Harris," he said, nodding at them.  They both smiled.  "Do we know these lovely young ladies?"

"This is my date, Meredith," Xander introduced.  "This is my roommate, Tara, who makes sure I do mundane things, like eating, when I'm writing."

"Wonderful work, young lady.  We'd miss him."  He shook their hands. "I remember when Alexis was a young child," he said with a smile for her.  "During the first book's coming out you were nearly tiny, young lady."

She blushed.  "My mother and grandmother are about to wail about that."  He laughed, shaking her hand.  "I'm looking forward to my father being honored."

"We're looking forward to many more years of wonderful sales from him."  He smiled at Xander.  "And of yours of course."

Xander beamed.  "Just don't make me give a speech, please."

He laughed, shaking his head.  "It's not necessary.  Just wave and smile."  He patted Paula on the shoulder again.  "Let me press more flesh."  He walked off.  They were a happy table full of chatting and laughing.  Some of the other ones weren't as happy but there was a bar for them.  Once the main dish was served, with the wine for those who wanted it.  He noticed none of the Harris party outside of Castle's former wife drank.  Smart of him but he was probably going to need the relaxation.  Some people didn't handle public acknowledgment very well.  He seemed the sort.

***

Xander walked into the bar, finding Buffy there.  "You got her to send you?"

"No, one of the demon bars has a pass-through," she said, looking up from her hand of kitten poker.  She stared at him.  "Um, wow.  Suit?" she asked, looking at his face.

He smirked.  "The publishing company had a dinner tonight to acknowledge those of us who have sold majorly this year."  He looked at a vampire.  "Get me a chair?"  The vampire growled.  He smirked.  The vampire got out of his seat and took his cards to the new chair with him.  "Thank you, Paulo."  He got dealt in.  "Thank you, guys."

"You guys know he's a shark, right?" Buffy teased.

"Yup, we know," Paulo complained.

Xander smirked at him.  "Is that because you're concentrating more on my neck and ass than your cards?"

"Perhaps."  He put down his cards.  "I already owe him too much."  A few of the others playing folded for that same reason.

"I take checks as long as they don't bounce," Xander quipped.

"I'm sure you do," the dealer sighed.

"I thought you were at that because you were selling really good," Buffy said.  "Speaking of, I heard a rumor of a new series?"

"Yeah, thanks to Willow."  She shivered.  "It's coming out near the holidays."

"Am I in this one?"

"You aren't in any of them yet, Buffy."  She glared at him.  "No, that hunter looks a lot like Chuck's ex girlfriend, the amazon nazi chick."

"Oh."  She shrugged.  "I knew she was taller."

"That too.  She had a bigger chest too.  Played football."

"Point."  She folded and they all smiled at her.  "I've seen him in evil Xander mode.  He even looks like the evil, corporate Xander in the suit."

"Don't you still owe me fifty bucks?" he asked absently, staring at his cards.

"I thought you were going to forgive that," she pouted.

"I did until you compared me to Lex Luthor."  He looked at her, earning a grin back.  He snorted.  "Not my type, Buffster."

"Yeah, I know.  I'm glad too!  I'd make a bad evil slayer.  My hair would have to be dark again and all that.  Plus, she wears a lot more leather than I do."

He smirked.  "She's healed a lot."

"I know.  I visited with Wesley.  Completely freaked her out when Mom gave her stuff to do and cookies for her birthday."

"I put money on her account and sent her a card since I couldn't get out."

"What were you doing instead?"

"Book signings."  He smiled at her.  "I had three to do in the last week and they're talking a tour in Europe."

"Um... you do know that the Council has it in for you, still?  And it comes with a price on your head?  'Cause Wes let that slip."

"Yeah, and I'm hiring a bodyguard to fuss over me for Tara since she said she didn't want to go."

"She doesn't?"

"Nope.  We talked about it and she decided it'd hurt her job.  She might go sometime and invite me but not this time."

"I guess I can understand that.  Working sucks."

"She's a part-time librarian."  She smiled and nodded.  "So I'm going to find a bodyguard.  I'll tell them about the Council being an ass though."

"Good.  Remind them of your girlfriends."

"I will.  I haven't decided if I'm going to ask someone for a recommendation about knowing about demons."

"It'd probably be better if they did," she pointed out.  "I know you've got a good following in the community."  She pointed at one beside her at the table on the floor.

He looked under the table.  "You could have come over here.  I'm not mean unless you're attacking."  The demon beamed and held up a book.  He took his pen out of his pocket.  "Who do I sign it to?"  He laughed at her burbled answer.  "No, not Mrs. Harris.  Tara has to agree to whoever I marry so they can get along."  The demon burbled something else and Xander signed it to them.  "There you go."  He winked as he handed it back.  The demon burbled her thanks and wobbled off on his jelly-snail like bottom.  He put down a bet and the card game went on.  "How's things?"

"Not bad.  I'm kinda lonely.  Willow and Daniel are getting firmer by the day.  He promised if she started to go bad, he knew someone he could call to handle her."  Xander nodded once at that, grimacing some.  "Where did she send you?"

"New series, Buffy.  Did you get the info on what had happened in their apocalypses?"

"Yeah, we did, and what they had on that cult thing."  She stared at him.  "You went there?"  He beamed and nodded.  "Were they shocked?"

"No, the base was full of the activated slayers and I was a main force as an agent."  He beamed a cheeky smile at her.

She shuddered.  "You as an agent."  She shuddered again.  So did some of the demons.

Xander smirked at her.  "Gee thanks."

"That's a really bad thought, Xander."

"Uh-huh.  You're just jealous that I'm all over that world.  Highly respected.  Their Council was blown up so Wes and I rebuilt it."  She looked like she was ready to cry at that.  "It was going good, Buffy.  They had it."

"It's still horrifying!" she complained.  He shrugged.  "Trip to Europe before my head gets stuck?"

"They're thinking after the holidays.  New Year's here, then six weeks signing books in major cities in Europe and Asia.  Sightseeing a few days in each place."

"Wow.  So like a rock star?"

"There's four of us going.  Me, one other big name fantasy writer, one with a best seller, and someone who writes in the same style as Clancy.  They're in other publishing houses and one's a Brit."

"Wow.  Really moving up in the world.  Next you'll get a bigger apartment somewhere less falling in."

Xander shrugged but smiled.  "Apartments in Manhattan are *atrocious*," he told her.  The demons all nodded at that.  "We paid a crapload for mine plus the fixing up.  The nicer, bigger ones, are up to a million for a loft in some places.  Tara wouldn't want to share a bedroom with me because she snores and so does her cat.  And farts!  There's an organic pet food that gives *way* bad gas to cats," he said, looking up at her.

"I think Willow used that a few weeks back.  It drove Angel out of the Hyperion for about two days of living in the sewers instead."  He cackled.  "Not that I enjoyed it but I couldn't do more than hide on Mom's couch and she said I brought the stink with me."

"It took us days to air out what Miss Kitty did to the apartment.  Especially in my room since she likes to sleep in my shoe organizer."

"You have a shoe organizer?" she asked, giving him an odd look.  "I thought you were still dating girls."

"I am mostly, the same as I was before," he said at her opening mouth.  "It came with the closet organizing system.  I put belts and things in it."

"I guess that makes more sense.   Who bought you the suit?"

"My agent made Cordy come out to help the personal shopper she hired at Nordstrom."

"At least it's classy.  She has good taste in men's suits."

He smirked.  "The rest is Tommy Bahama."

"Ugly printed shirts in silk.  Moving up from your hawaiian collection," she teased.

"It's only for signings and things.  Not like I'll wear silk every day."  His phone beeped so he pulled it out to look at it.  "Huh.  Tara says hi and you can have our couch and breakfast if you want."

"I wouldn't mind."  She texted her mother.  "So she won't worry.  She's been heavily on the nagging bottle again."  They packed up and left.

Xander leaned in after he heard the sigh of relief.  "It's not like *we're* the mean ones, guys.  Really."  He walked her off, taking her to the car.

"Shiny," she said in awe.  "And one scratch."

"The valet earlier.  Meredith nearly took off his head.  It was a prezzie from my publisher."  He beamed.  "I have no idea why."  She laughed but got in and buckled up.  He did the same and off they went.  Tara opened the door when he walked her up the stairs, letting him get the meowing cat.  "We didn't abandon you," he complained, petting her.  She leapt over to Buffy, purring at her.

"Aww, thank you.  I needed kitty lovies."  They walked in.  Tara handed him a soda, Buffy an iced coffee drink, and smiled.  "You do the mom thing very well, Tara."

"That's because Xander's going to beat someone."

"Why?  Beyond the fact that my mother is back in Cali and has told some people that I know weapons?"  He sipped his soda.  Tara moaned.  "Beyond that?"

"Yup. Sorry," she said with a wince, turning on the answering machine.

He listened to the nice message from a friend in LA who said that his mother was back and trying to get him taken out by encouraging people to kill him.  "Huh," he said, calling someone else.  "It's Harris.  Can you please remind my mother that my will doesn't leave her anything even if I do die and it won't get my father out of jail for extortion or assault?"  He took a drink.  "Yeah, exactly.  No, got told by someone.  You can tell her that I didn't bring the stash either.  So yay her.  Also, if she's being that bad....  Tell Epps.  Thanks, Joseph."  He hung up.

"Joseph at the Goth and Angels store?" Buffy asked, looking confused.

"Yeah."  He beamed.  "Why do you think I took Tara there so often.  He's a poker buddy."  He walked off, heading upstairs.  "Let me change into real people clothes."  The cat followed him.  "Aww, did I close the closet on you again?" he teased with a smirk.  "Poor kitty, couldn't sleep in your chosen hole."  He opened the closet for her, letting her hop up into her cup in the shoe organizer.  She settled in after a few wiggles and was quickly asleep in *her* spot.  Xander changed into real clothes, hanging the suit up so it could go to the dry cleaners.  Because it stunk of Meredith's perfume and they had only had sex the once in the bathroom.  He went back downstairs.  "Any other horrifying news?"

"Not yet," Tara said, smiling at him.  "Are we expecting some?"

"That depends on who hears that I used to do the crossbow fixing," he said dryly.

"They won't listen to that," Buffy assured him.  "I talked to Gunn and he said they've shut down all the rumors by pointing out you're not doing that now that you're famous.  You're UC for hunting stuff."

Xander nodded.  "I am, yeah.  Speaking of, we have *got* to stock the cabin, Tara.  I don't even have a first aid kit up there."

"We can do that," she promised.  She smiled at him.  "Meredith was fairly nice."

"Castle told me that she's slightly nympho, has bad ideas, will start trying to make me buy her designer clothes soon, and he calls her a twinkie sometimes."

"So, like Anya light?" Tara guessed.

"Apparently.  I'm almost having flashbacks."  Buffy snickered from her place on the couch.   He got another soda and the bag of nachos, going out there catch up with her now that she was normal again.  Tara joined them with her own snack and a sandwich for Buffy.  They could do this for a while.

***

Xander got the text message, which made him quit writing.  He read it and saved, grabbing things.  "I've got a park meeting," he called.  No answer.  The cat stared at him from her spot so he looked at the clock.  "Okay, she's at work."  He left, going to the park as requested.  He ran into Castle and his detective partner.  "That bad?" he asked as he walked up to them.

"First, I did *not* need to know that my ex and your ex, the nun, are a lot alike, kid," Castle said.

"I didn't have Anya call you."

"She did."

Xander shrugged.  "I have no control over her.  Sorry?"

"Fine."  He sighed.  "No wonder you get along so well with her."

"Yeah, Anya was the one who broke me though.  I did tell Meredith why I didn't buy clothes or anything else beyond minor presents ever again.  She pouted."  He shrugged.  He looked at the detective.  "Did my ex call you as well?"

"No, thankfully."  She pointed.  "What're those?"

Xander walked over to the crime scene, staying on this side of the tape.  "Alathanian ritual markings for a sacrificed mother," he said, walking around it.  "Apparently her child died during birth so they decided she was unworthy to breed for their higher ups."  He looked at them.  "They're very rare to breed so it's considered evil if your child dies before it's blessed.  It's always blamed on the mother unless the father did something or gave the child some sort of sickness.  Also, she probably begged and wailed for them to do it because she was so unworthy."  Castle gaped.  "They only have about six kids a century and they only live about a hundred ten years.  Kids are *real* rare."  He looked.  "It looks like she picked up bad human habits or someone did since there's cigarette butts around the body."  He looked up again.  "In the old days they would've made her do it to herself.  Paint it, kill herself, all that for being unworthy and evil for not being able to breed."

"Where are they?" she asked.

"Soho at the moment.  They probably moved after this though."  He shrugged.  "I can ask if you want."

"Does it say that her child died?"

"Yeah."  Xander waved them over, translating each mark around her and why it was there.  She took notes.  He just stared at him.  "A lot of communities still use rituals for the heavier things.  That way it never becomes *fun* or a game."

"So they'd do this to their own for this reason but not on others," Beckett translated.

"Basically.  And there's a herd-like competition to be the alphas.  That's very ritualized."

"To decide who breeds," Castle said.  Xander nodded.  "What if they can't."

"Well....  I'd hate to be them.  It's not pretty.  They have two weeks to implant one in one of the rare females that's given to them.  If not, then they're taken out and another is chosen and she's handed to them."

"Do they have a cycle?"

"No.  Theirs is activated and it's on until she's knocked up."

"Okay," he decided.  He looked at his partner, who looked back.  "Can we get them to not do this in public?"

"I don't know why she was left so publically," Xander admitted.  "Usually that's done in their temples."

"What do the non breeding people do in their culture?" she asked.

"Every being is important to teach the young," he said.  "They each have something to teach even if they can't breed.  Some accept it more readily than others, especially in this generation.  This generation has had some problems with overly aggressive males."

"By picking for aggressive fathers, that makes sense."

Xander shook his head.  "Their type are guards of some of the highest of the high courts," he said quietly.  "They're highly desired to be personal bodyguards.  A secret told to them is tighter held than any vow ever could be.  There's one species that can pull secrets from their blood so if they're captured they have a suicide desire upon interrogation, but otherwise they're the ones *everyone* wants as their guards."

"But not the females?"

"When you only have six kids a century and only two are girls, yeah."

"Oh."  She grimaced.  "How many kids did she probably have?"

Xander looked at it.  "It says this was her sixth child, her fifth one had health issues that they blamed on the father and think that it may have been passed to the mother."  He looked at her.  "It takes them a decade to grow up and she'll be bred to within three weeks of the child moving into the training creche."

"That doesn't add up to the six kids a century."

"That's their number on how many make it out of training."  She winced at that.  "That's why they're so highly wanted.  Like Butler in Artemis Fowl, only better and more silent about things."

"I read that book to Alexis," Castle admitted.  "So, if they don't make it through training?"

"They don't make it through training," Xander said bluntly.  "They won't let inferior warriors out unless there's a war.  There's been two or three historical accounts where the training creche was captured and turned into warriors, and once when the training creche was handed over for that after weeding out the top ones likely to make it through all the training.  But those would have destroyed everything so it was considered a good way to die."

"So, the six are the super Klingon warriors?" she said.  He beamed and nodded.  "Do the females go through training?"

"No.  There's not many born.  It's a genetic instability within the females.  From what I read, the females tend to be rejected by the mother's body.  They miscarry them.  That's not counted as a flaw.  Only when the child is nearly born or fully born.  It's blessed at a year old."

"Okay, so nothing like SIDS?" she asked.

"No.  Not among their species."

"Interesting.  So why drop her here?"

"I don't know."  He pulled out his phone to call someone.  "It's Harris."  He listened to the groaning.  "If you're guessing I'm calling from a certain park you're right.  Because normals are involved."  He listened, taking her pad to write a note down.  "And why ....  Really?"  He looked at her.  "Huh.  How did they find this out?"  He made another note.  "Both?  Interesting.  And...."  He nodded.  "Thanks.  I'll let them know.  Whet about the next one?"  He hissed.  "That's sucky.  Yeah, I can see that.  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  "The Council had one of the Watcher teams invade their tribe," he said quietly.  "They're scared to death of them as warriors and hate them for being better.  They shot the females with human blood.  Personally with the aggression problem I think they got all of them."

"Do they have any untainted?" Castle asked.

"No."  He looked then at her.  "That was a statement that there's none of them untainted."  She groaned.  "The last generation is all dead by now.  All that's left is tainted ones.  The others made sure that they knew of it.  She was taken out here because she was unworthy to be with the clan."  He called someone else, talking quietly as he walked off.  He looked over then came back.  "They told the other clans.  They made sure it was done so that none of them were allowed.  The ones who've passed training are being looked at but they won't be allowed to breed.  Ever."  Castle nodded at that, looking grim.  "So yeah, not a problem anymore and they've been on the watch for the Council to do something so cruel again."

"Why would the Council do this?" she asked.

"Because they're asses.  How much do you know or are you just informed enough in case something happens?"

"In case something happens.  Why?"

"Slayers."

"Never heard of them."

"According to a source, this Council of Watchers has a chosen female warrior who is meant to fight the demons and darker beings," Castle said, staring at the boy.  Xander nodded.  "They lord over her."

"Take her from her family, turn her into a perfect little warrior who knows it's her duty to run into every single battle every single night until she dies and another is called," Xander added.  He looked at Beckett again, seeing her pale and shaky.  "I stepped in to help one.   As I found out recently they hate me enough to have a price on my head.  And yes, I have told Paula we're hiring me a guard on the trip overseas," he admitted.  He looked at her again.

"I've talked to the local guy.  He doesn't treat his girl like that.  She's trained but most of them send potentials out to handle minor things even though they're not gifted at that time.  His is in training.  She can't date, see her family, anything like that, but she's not that bad.  I've seen one that they raised.  She had *one* outfit. She knew she'd die and hoped it was during an apocalypse instead of something getting a lucky shot during a patrol.

"Something that would get her more than a mention in the memorial book.  Then her memories would be transferred to the next girl, who might be able to access them if she tried.  Some girls get that easier than others.  The one I worked with only got occasional dreams.  Mostly showing her their history to welcome her since they never found her."

"That's barbaric," she said.

He nodded.  "Which is why we'd like to change it for all the girls.  The one I worked with has lasted since she was fifteen.  She's my age."  She groaned.  "That's more than record breaking."  She glared at him.  "Not my system and I've tried to help where I could.  That's why they're willing to pay someone half a mil to get rid of me."

"There's two from what I was told," Castle said.

"Which is why my bounty's so high," Xander agreed with a small smirk.  "I know CPR."  He groaned.  "The other's in jail because of a collateral damage incident.  We were all too damn young and too wrapped up in things to help her and she turned.  She's better now.  I've written her and Buffy said she's talked to her in person."  He shrugged.  "I'd do a lot to help her if she wanted me to but she apparently doesn't want to deal with me."

"So...." Beckett started.  "The one here?"

"She's in a normal, girls only school.  If the Council found out, he'd probably be taken out and she's be taken from him and handed to another one.  Which is one of the many reasons I hate the Council enough to beat their asses if they try anything anywhere near I am.  Even if I'm not involved."

She nodded at that.  "Can't anyone stop them?"

"They predate writing and they're a secret society.  Can you stop the Masons?"

"No," she sighed.  "Why take out this clan?"

"Because that's one less set of guards to the higher things that they hate, even if they're not the ones causing problems.  To them, there's no such thing as peaceful species.  That's how they train *most* of the girls too."

"So some are different?"  Xander smiled and nodded.  "Good!"  She closed her notebook, looking at him.  "Are you watching over her?"

"I may have slipped out to see her one day.  I have talked to her watcher.  He's very pissed because he just found out I gave her Buffy's address so they can chat.  He left a screaming, ranting message on my machine the other day.  I kindly reminded him that this way she got the benefits of her experience before she got picked.  Though, unless Faith dies in jail there's not going to be another chosen until she's taken out.  That makes his girl pretty safe."

"Which is why they need your friend," she said.  Xander nodded.  "Have they tried it on her?"

"Yeah, they've tried to wet works her a few times.  Including a very neat coming of age present in the form of a ritual test.  Take her powers, lock her in a house with something.  If she lives, she's lauded.  If not...."  He smirked.  "They weren't going to even give her a  stake."

"That's beyond what I'd tolerate," she decided.  "They're where?"

"England.  That's the main branch.  They have people everywhere."  He spotted one and smiled, waving.  "Morning.  How are you today?"

The officer turned and walked off.  He started to run when she went after him.

Castle looked at him.  "They shouldn't be doing this."

"If they treated the girls humanely, we wouldn't mind as much," he said quietly.  "Unfortunately to them they're tools.  There'll always be another one.  Until they're scarce, they'll keep it up.  They hate Buffy for being so good because she had backup.  They know the minute there's a slayer back in their control, she's going to be culled with the heaviest thing they can send at her.  Willow and I have already prepared for that because they'll hit us too.  Me especially since I'm normal and they can't see why a normal would hunt."

"The roaming ones like you write about?"

"They ignore they exist until they run into them.  Then they put them down, try to get them out of the field by taking them out for interfering in their jobs, you know, the normal things when you think you've got the holy calling to purge things.  Though I will say that they did fight against Nazi's."

"One good thing doesn't mitigate centuries of disgusting behavior."

Xander nodded.  "We know."  He smirked.  "Anything else I can tell you or can I fade?"

"Fade."  Xander saluted him and left, handing him a card.  He smiled at that information.  The ones that were on those hunting teams in case it became necessary.  The kid was gone before Beckett got back.  "You get him?"

"Yes.  I had the two uniforms that helped me take him to my captain to explain himself.  I gave them the notes he made and the ones I made."  She looked around.  "He gone?"

"He faded back into the shadows."  He smiled at her.  "So, apparently we won't ever solve this."

"I'm going to talk to him.  We'll talk about it being ritual suicide," she said quietly.  He nodded, walking her back to the car.  "Tell CSU to hose it down," she ordered.  The cop holding the scene nodded.  Once they were in the car she looked at him.  "How can he stand seeing and knowing that?"

"It would've come for him anyway.  He's a classic white knight as well."

She sighed, nodding.  "That I can understand."

"Like a lot of men with pasts, a pretty girl got him into it," he quipped.  She snorted, starting the car and taking off.  He was slightly worried about her being taken out by the Council but he'd find out from someone if they had put a price on her head for knowing too much.  He was famous, they'd have to work harder to get him and there were already a few people who could do without him.  She was easier to take out and he worried about her.

***

Xander looked up as someone slammed something down on the table across from him before sitting down.  "You're Riley's wife," he said, smiling at her.  "Hi."

"Xander."  She stared at him.  "Why do you need someone that Riley would suggest as a bodyguard?"

He smirked.  "Half a million dollar price on my head thanks to the Council."

She gave him a horrified look.  "Why?  We've only got twenty each.  They only want sixty on Summers."

"I.  Know.  CPR," he said bluntly.

"Oh, so you're the reason there's two."

"And I'm a normal who helped out and warps prophecies," he said with a smirk.  "We're starting in England."

"Ooooh.  Yeah, that's a good reason," she sighed, handing over a list of names.  "In return he did not want us mentioned in those books."

"They're only listed in the first part and get turned down on their idea for a national hunting squad instead of a new agency."  He handed those pages over to her.  He knew Riley would've demanded it in return for his contacts.

She looked up at him.  "We start off with what?"

He shrugged.  "Technically...."

"I saw.  You made Riley and Graham both have scotch bonnet level of heartburn with the very *thought* of that having to happen here."

"Hey, there, I helped rebuild after the First."

"That poor world."

He smirked.  "Thanks, really, since they all appreciated me."

"As long as they don't run here when they get destroyed."

"Did you see about Georgia?  They had about nine of us then."

"I saw.  That's why I lived on pepto for two days and had our team's medic asking if we had a birth control failure," she said dryly.  "It let me give PT for *weeks* on end."

He beamed.  "You're mean but I know you're not hitting on me because you're taken."

She burst out cackling.  "Exactly, kid."  She stood up.  "Need anything else from us?"

"The stuff on Black Thorn?"

"There's no way you can help with that.  We can barely touch it."

Xander held up a CD.  "Who their people are, where they are, and how Angel can get to two of them."  He held it out.  "If you need me to help, you let me know.  Not like I want them to succeed."

She took it.  "Thanks, kid."

"Poker contacts," he offered with a grin.

"What if it gets back to them?"

"I told them it was for the series.  Since they had succeeded there.  It took the whole agency, all the slayers, and there were *all* the slayers activated, and six others who jumped in, plus about half the agents in town who jumped in late."

"Damn," she muttered.

"Niagra had nothing on that flow.  I told them quite bluntly I wanted to know if we had that sort of situation here so I could warn Buffy.  Buffy is well known not to use a computer."

"Good point."  She stared him down.  "Even if it does, they'll probably laugh about one slayer and a normal guy who's being an author now getting in their way."

He smiled.  "Exactly.  Watch out for the Belize problem if you're going there.  There's a huge ass zombied demon from what I hear and he's been told your husband is a tentacle toy.  He wants to find him."

"I saw that mention," she said bluntly, picking up her bag.  "Let us know if you hear more about this."  She left, going back to talk to her supervisor and teammates.  It was an uneventful trip back to DC.   She walked in and handed over the CD.  "Distribute it.  Harris asked some contacts citing that it had happened there."  The sergeant at the desk nodded, running it to copy it and email the contents to those who needed to know.  She got given the original and walked in.  "Sir."  She saluted.

"At ease, Captain."  He looked at her.  "Was it a productive meeting?"

She handed Riley the pages.  "He knew you wouldn't want to be included."  She looked at her boss again, holding up the CD.  "Black Thorn's people?"  He snatched it to run.  "Also, did you know that his bounty from the Council is so much more than ours?' she asked her spouse.

"I thought it'd be about Buffy's because they loathed that team.  Is it less?"

"It's half a million, Riley."  He shuddered.  "He knows CPR as he put it."

"So he's the one who brought her back," he said flatly.  She smirked and nodded.  "No wonder."

"That and he warps prophecies.  Oh, and get this, there he was rebuilding the Council.  The girls all liked him."

"That doesn't surprise me," he admitted with a sigh at the end.

"The thing in LA, he said Niagra had nothing on it.  It took all the slayers, that whole agency, and agents jumping in out there."

"Hell."

"He said *all* the slayers were active then as well."  He nodded at that.  "We have to stop them.  Oh, Belize?  The demon is a zombie and he heard you're a fun toy."  She smiled.

"Charming," he said flatly, giving his wife a dirty look.  "Have fun taking Graham with you, dear."

She looked at her boss when he coughed.  "How do we stop them, sir?"

He looked up.  "Three are our people.  High in the US.  Some are other problems.  I want Summers and her team to meet with us over this.  I think he might be able to get into it since some of them are with Wolfram and Hart."

She nodded.  "I already texted them to expect a request for a meeting."

"Good."  He looked at the computer.  "This is probably dangerous to know."

"Harris offered his help."

"Of course he did," Riley agreed.  "He's not a soldier though."

"Neither is Willow and she's damn handy," Sam reminded him.  "For that matter, all that separates you and Harris is your training, Riley.  The same as mine does me and him."  He nodded at that.  "Plus, I have the feeling he knows more about weapons than we think."

"Clearly since part of the way they fixed the thing with Glorificus was a bomb," he said bluntly.  "That he built."

"The Harris in that world got possessed by someone and was building weapons," she said with an evil smirk.

"Oh, crap," he said, straightening up to stare at her.  "He was?"

"Yeah.  According to that hard drive they gave him, they had a chaos idiot on Halloween that brought back souls.  He, their lab tech Abby, and a Dean Winchester all got possessed by two great geeks who wanted them to finish their lives work."

"The geek trio," he sneered.  "I hated them in Sunnydale."

"They had a working light saber."  He shuddered.  She moved closer.  "He was working on weapons design."

"He can't be possessed by himself."

"We have no idea if they shared anything."

"I can ask," their boss offered.

"He'd never tell you," Riley said with a sigh, looking at his wife.  "And?  I can see the hamster wheel turning."

"He's going to need a very good bodyguard.  Their first stop on the tour is England."  He snorted at that.  "Plus we're letting Xander Harris loose in Europe."  He shuddered.  "We've got to find him a very good bodyguard, dear."

"I'd tie his ass to a chair when he wasn't due in public," he said bluntly.  "Graham said the same thing if the kid asked him."

"He's Buffy's age."

"I know that, they're both still very young."  He sat down again.  "No.  No way in hell am I following his chaos in Europe."

"Fine."  She looked at her boss.  "What is his security clearance?"

"Sixteen."

"Why?" Riley demanded.

"I can't find out."  His boss shrugged.  "I have no clue.  We didn't do it."

"Probably a kitten poker buddy," he muttered.  He looked at his wife.  "Send him one if you want but warn them how bad he can be.  Sometimes he's a fanboy and sometimes he's Rambo.  Sometimes he goes Rambo then tries to hide it as being a fanboy."

She sighed.  "We have to find out if he has weapons knowledge from the him there."

"Fine.  Do we think it's possible?"

"Yes.  I think he'd consider it helpful, so would the him there probably.  It's very practical and Xander is forever a practical person.  I'm also betting, since I saw the signs of it, that he has an implanted chip in his shoulder."  Riley moaned.  "Since his base was being run by a certain linguist named Jackson."

"Let me talk to them," he muttered.  He left the building unhappy.  He was so unhappy even his wife offering to play slavegirl wife for him wouldn't make him happy.  The Pentagon was nicely nearby at least.   He walked in and went up to the right section, tapping before walking in.  "Is the general in?' he asked the secretary.

"Yes, Captain.  He's being bored and playing Nintendo."

Riley didn't want to know why this lower level plebe knew who he was.  He knocked and walked in.  "My wife thinks that the trip he took left him loaded with excess information," he said in greeting.

"I thought it might since Danny's letter to himself said he did."  He looked at him, pausing his hockey game.  "Why is this a concern?"

"He's going on an international book tour," he said dryly.  "Thanks to the new series."

Jack moaned, shaking his head.  "That's not tragic, Captain."

"He's going to England and the Watchers Council has a half million dollar contract out on him."

"That could be."

"My wife saw signs of an implanted chip."

"That's a bad thing."

"They're going to Germany, England, Italy, Paris, then two cities in Asia beyond Hong Kong."

"So he needs a guard?"

"He asked for a favor from me to get some names."  He looked at the closed door then at him.  "The him there was possessed by two super geeks who were building weapons.  Light sabers and other weapons, sir."

Jack winced.  "That's an impractical one."

"Maybe not.  It is an advanced laser application."

"I know that."  He grimaced.  "Are we really worried someone will take him?"

"The Council wants him dead.  Harris sows chaos wherever he goes.  If he does have a chip we need to get it out and see what they downloaded because the Council will not hesitate to kill him if he's on their home soil."

"Do we think he has a lot of information that needed passed on?"

"Yes, sir, and I believe that he'll probably keep a copy since he does seem to attract spirits."  He stared at the general.  "Plus he's got a security clearance?"

"He does?"

"Sixteen."

"Huh.  I didn't know that."  He leaned back.  "All right, I'll talk to the kid.  Where is he?"

"New York."  He wrote out his address and phone number.  "Also, if you've got to go rescue someone from overseas, take him.  He'll screw up something so it's easier.  He's just like that.  It irritated us forever."  He saluted and left.

Jack smirked.  That was some very interesting information.  He wondered who had gotten the kid a security rating as well.  He noticed a CD had been left on his desk and ran it, smirking at the information on it.  Those sounded like some bad people.  On the end of it was a video clip labeled with a date and 'invasion of LA'.  He ran it and it was horrifying.  That made him lose his lunch, breakfast, and last night's dinner.  He took it out and went to catch a flight to New York.  The kid clearly had answers he needed in this case.

***

Xander looked up when someone knocked hard on his door.  "Who is it?" he called, moving the cat out of his way and heading for the door.  No answer.  He looked out the peephole and grimaced, opening it.  "Am I in trouble again?" he asked, letting him inside.

"Yes.  You didn't tell me you were carrying information."

"Um....  Oh!  Danny said that until you asked, you couldn't get it, and that you'd need something to retrieve it."  He checked for Miss Kitty then closed the door.  "He said you'd need something like the repository to get it out of my head and the chip has three things you need to know on a purely classified way in case I couldn't get the letter to you fast enough."  He took off his shirt.  "It's right there."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because they laid a compulsion.  I couldn't tell you until you asked."  He sat on the back of the couch, petting the cat.  "For that matter, I'm not allowed to tell you what I'm hoarding unless you tell me what you need.  Dawn's really strong at compulsions."

"How many chips?" he asked calmly.

"Six mini info sources, one chip."

"Six!" he demanded.

"Two have information, one has other files, the other three have case files from you guys and things they've found from an ancient database.  The chip has an encoded thing to let you activate it and the compulsion to keep me from telling you."

"Can we take them now?"

"Only if you've got a surgeon waiting in the hallway and they have local."

"Where are they?"

"Each one has a small tattooed mark next to it.  It'll react to a small red light he had."

"Danny had?"

"No, House had.  Danny had Doctor House and Chase implant them after having me possessed by the same guys who were helping the me there build advanced weapons."

"How advanced?"

"I don't know.  It's behind all that other stuff."

Jack gave him the oddest look.  "C'mon, we're going to Colorado."

"I can't.  My agent wants me in today."

"We overrule her."

"Not really.  She pays my ass and she's mean.  She said if the military showed up about the books, I'm to shoot and wound you guys so I can get to the meeting."

"Fine," he said.  "We're going with you."

"That's reasonable."

"Do we need to meet with more than her?"

"I have no idea what's coming."

"You couldn't have hinted when you were on my porch?"

"No.  The compulsion said no.  I'm sorry!"

"No, that's Danny's paranoia at work probably."  He checked his watch.  "When is your meeting?"

"Two."  He checked the watch.  "I should've left about ten minutes ago.  Miss Kitty, please quit turning off alarms on me," he complained to the cat.  "I know you hate them but oh well!"  He went to get dressed.  He came down to put on his shoes, wincing.  "Ow."

"Another thing I need to know?"

"Danny there said that Xander was allowed to load me full of other ideas that you guys needed."

"Good to know.  I meant about the pain?"

"Hemorrhoid."  He stood up, petted the cat, and shut down his computer to bring with him.  "Did you drive?"

"Yup.  C'mon."  He walked out with him.  There was no way this information was getting away from him.

Paula looked up when Xander walked in.  "I thought I said to wound him."

"He drove.  Miss Kitty turned off the alarm again."

"Tara needs to train her cat better," she complained.  "All right."  She paged the other person.  They came rushing in.  "This is Alexian Harris."

"Mr. Harris," he said, shaking his hand.  "We're finalizing details for your European signing tour."  He sat down.

"That's cool."  He smiled.  "I have a passport."

"That's good.  I notice you said to make plans for a bodyguard?"

"Yes.  There's a secret society in Europe who wants me dead and are willing to pay for it."

"Ohhhkay," he said, considering it, looking at Paula.

"He's retired from what got their attention."

"They're housed by Stonehenge and I'm going to Ireland for a day to deliver a letter to a friend's family."

"I can make one in whatever city you're going to," he offered.

"I'm going to about sixty miles outside of Cork.  I figured I'd commuter flight up and back for the last day's signing."

"That would work for the schedule," the other guy said.  He checked.  "We have six days in England."  He looked up.  "So after the third day and before the fifth?"

"Did you plan a day for jet lag?" Jack asked.  "He'll have some at each stop."

"Are you going as his bodyguard?" he asked.

"No, I'm probably going to be giving him some idea of who's going with him."  Xander handed over the list he had gotten from Sam Finn.  He pointed at a name with a smile.  "I'll look him up."  He put it into his shirt pocket.  Paula stared at him.  "He unfortunately ran into a classified project so we want to make sure no wants him for it."

Paula nodded.  "I figured this would happen.  It always does.  He seems to get into the strangest trouble."  She glared at Xander, who shrugged.  "What did you do?"

"Willow trip."

"Never mind," she said, holding up a hand.  "I don't need to know.  Is it in the books?"

"No," Xander and Jack said, Jack shaking his head.

"Good!"  She looked at the assistant.  "Yes, he's like that."

"Make sure we have time for jet lag and some sight seeing?" Xander asked.  "Don't make it too tight?  Because there's been all those stories about flight delays and this is the first time I've been *anywhere*."

The agent nodded.  "I can talk to the other ones to make sure that's fine with them.  Most of them want to get it done with."

"I love my fans.  I'm a new writer, I appreciate the hell out of all my fans, and if they're that lined up that I'm going to be there forever signing autographs; I'm not going to disappoint a single one."

"Most of them have a selected time to sign autographs," the assistant told him.  "Say four hours at a time."

"Then what happens to the ones that don't make it in front of them by then?" Xander asked.  "Beyond being disappointed and not buying anything ever again."

"I can see that point."  He made that note.   "Mostly it's joint signing events so as long as you're in the same area it's all right.  We have put all of you on the same flights?"

"That's fine," Xander agreed.  "As long as they're not too tight.  I don't want to miss connections because one's delayed."

"Agreed," he said.  "Direct flights as often as possible."  He smiled.  "I'll schedule an extra day for each city.  I know another one is bringing his wife.  She might enjoy that.  He made that note.  "I'll ask them."  He looked up.  "Any other things you can think of?"

"I'll have to bring my laptop for notes.  I need to know any of the regs for flying overseas.  Do I need shots?"  Paula shook her head.  "Because we remember my parents, not the best, probably not up to date on inoculations?" he suggested.

"Then you need a tetanus shot," the assistant said.  "I'll get that note to your agent today."  He made that note as well.  "You said you have a passport?"  Xander pulled it out of his wallet to hand over.  He looked.  "It's expired."  He took down the information.  "We'll need a new picture."  He pulled out his camera phone and took one.  "That'll work," he decided, putting it back.  "I'll file for the new one."  He looked up and smiled.  "We're used to people who don't have any at all.  It's not a quick process."

"I remember it took me about six weeks the last time."

"Usually about what it is now," he agreed.  "Anything else we need to take into account?"

"Um...I eat a lot?" he guessed.

"Food is on your own," Paula told him.  "We pay for the hotel, the traveling.  You pay for the food, souvenirs, that stuff."

He nodded.  "That's reasonable."

"Good."  She smiled. "It'll be okay.  Really.  We won't let you get lost like your luggage."

"They always lose my luggage.  Can I ship it ahead to the hotel by UPS?"

"No.  That won't work.  Sorry."

"Damn.  Okay, if and when they lose it this time?"

"They have a Nordstroms in London, Paris, and Hong Kong," she said.  "Pack one spare outfit in your laptop case."  He nodded at that.  "You can run out and get something."

"Paula, I don't make that sort of money yet."

"I know that, dear, but you'll be fine."  She held up something.  "This is the accounting of your royalties for the next three months."

"I need to buy luggage," he said dryly.  "Plus pay the water bill."

"You have a good bit in the bank."

"I have duffle bags."

"I'll have Rick give you his packing list," she said, making that note for herself.  "Also we have to approve of what you're bringing."

"One bag of nice stuff, one of real people clothes?"

"Non ragged jeans, t-shirts without logos, pictures, or anything that could get you mocked in the press, clean sneakers, always wear socks and underwear.  If you're going to date, take it out of public view, not like with Meredith at the dinner."

"She insisted."

"I know she did," she quipped back.  "She's done it before."

"She's like Anya light," he said with a small shrug.

"No wonder she thinks you're perfect," she said dryly.  "She won't be going, she's off shooting something."

"Okay.  I don't think we're going to be sticking together."

"I've already got a prenup written out for you.  She won't get a cent."  He beamed.  "Or any other evil bitch you date."

"If I could draw good girls I would," he reminded her.

"I know.  I wish you could draw good girls too.  Did they arrest my assistant?"

"I think she went to confess when she realized she was *really* liking me now."  He grinned at Jack.  "We don't know why bad girls love me."

"I know a few who have that problem," he admitted. "Any groupies we should worry about?"

"I was promised some but not yet.  Maybe some day I'll be running like the Beatles did."

Paula snorted.  "Then we'd be able to pick up all the homicidal women at once," she decided.  She smirked at him.  "We'll make sure you're ready before Christmas.  I'll make sure Tara packs the nice things for you so you don't go over weight limits."  The other assistant smiled at that.  "Okay, anything else critical for right now?"

"If not, he'll be back in a few days once we make sure he knows the rules about foreign agents who might like him, and possibly talk to his future bodyguard," Jack said.

"That works for me.  Make sure he has his phone," she ordered.  "That way I can get in touch with him."

"I can do that."  He looked at Xander, who sighed and handed it over.  "Let me whisk him away."  He got up and walked Xander out.  "Come on, kid."

"I am.  Just don't yell at me."

"I'm not.  It's not your fault they did it this way."  He got them to the airport and on the plane.   This part he had planned out.  The part where once they were on the plane someone made a move for a weapon he didn't.

Xander watched the guy, pretending to be shocked, horrified, and scared like the other people.  He saw someone with his book and winked at her.  He got up and walked over to her.

"I said stay in your seat!" the man shouted.

Xander pointed.  "I'm signing her book, dude.  I'm not going to upset one of my fans and it'll help keep her calm."  He pulled out a pen.  "I'm not challenging you."  He picked up the book and clicked the pen.  The man came at him to hit him.  Xander staked him in the throat with the pen, handing her back the book while the man gasped.  He stared at him.  "What's wrong?"  He knocked his feet out from under him, staring down at him.  "Hi," he said with an evil smirk.  "Did you need something?"  The man whined, trying to pull the pen out.  Xander stepped on his chest, staring down at him.  "Are you acting alone?"  The man glared so he stepped on the pen, making him scream and choke.  "Again, are you acting alone?" he demanded more coldly.

"No!" he hissed.

"How many more."

"Two loading crew, one cockpit, one inside," he gasped.  Xander got off his throat, letting him pull out the pen.  "Who are you?"  Xander took the book back and held it up with a smile.  "You're an author?"

"That too," he said bluntly.  The stewardess came toward him.  "Here, have him."  He sat down with a huff.  "Got a pen?" he asked Jack, who handed one over.  He signed the book and handed it back with a smile and a wink.  "He was really mean; I'm sure he's sorry he was so scary and dumb."  She gave him a little smile back.  Xander handed the pen back to Jack.  "Can I pull out my laptop?" he asked the stewardess.

"Yes, sir.  Does it have wi-fi or anything?"

"No, ma'am.  It hooks into a line for the internet."

"That's fine then.  Put it up when the doors are closed."  She pulled down the handset to announce things.  "Passengers, we are going to have the aircraft scanned for anything illegal.  We will have agents here in a moment and they may decide to bring you back into the terminal for a few minutes while we scan things.  They will ask you to leave your things here.  Do bring your ticket stub please."  She hung it up, nodding at the captain.  She glanced at the young idiot who had helped.  Really, didn't he know he wasn't supposed to do that?  Everyone else did.

Jack looked at the kid, kicking him to get him out of his current bit of proofreading.  "That was stupid," he said quietly.  "You're supposed to go along to stay alive."

"I hate bullies," he said bluntly.  "And he was alone."

"With a weapon.  He could've hurt anyone."

"It was unloaded."  Jack glared at him.  "It was."  Jack's glare got colder.  "If it had been that dangerous I wouldn't have done it."  He went back to his current rereading.  "Do you want to be younger, have tattoos, or a blond in the stories?" he asked dryly.

"Make me a bit younger give me a beard," he said dryly.  He got comfortable.  He'd ignore the little voice that sounded like Danny and Sam's voices telling him he would've done the same thing.  The stewardess came to unload everyone but she waved him down so they could go last.  The agents came on and she got out of the way.  "Morning," he said, pulling out his credentials.  He kicked the kid again to bring him out of whatever he was doing.

Xander gave him a confused look then looked at the agents when he pointed.  "His gun was unloaded."

"That was stupid," the agent said bluntly.

Xander nodded.  "Okay.  It was still unloaded."

"Sir, are you military?"

"Not quite," he said dryly.  "Just...a bit trained."

"I see," the agent said.  "How did you get him down?"

"Pen in the trachea."  He smiled at their confused look.  "I've gotten into a few hand-weapon fights in my time."  He held up his ID when they glared.  He shut down his laptop and put it into his bag.  "Sorry, I was working on a new story.  I think I violated my own cannon."

"Sir, are you native to New York?" one asked.

"No, about three hours outside of LA.  Then LA, then here."

The agents pulled him up to pat him down and look over his carry-on bags.  They got into his laptop but it was a normal cheap laptop.  They put it back and looked at Jack, who held up his Pentagon ID.  That got a nod and he was treated with respect.  They sat the kid back down and went off on him.  Xander sat and stared at them.  Finally one had enough of him staring.  "Who in the hell are you, boy?" he snapped.  Xander pulled out his other ID and held it up.  The agent growled and snatched it then stared at him.  "I read that report."

"I turned them in."

"So you're used to acting rashly."  He tossed it back.  Xander caught it and put it back.  "Do not do it again on an aircraft or in an airport," he ordered coldly.

"It's not like the stewardess would have and he could've used the knife in his boot.  He was looking really anxious like he wanted to do something stupid.  His gun was unloaded.  It was a good opportunity.  Especially since she had my book.  It gave me a good ruse."

"It might have but it was still fucking dumb," the lead agent assured him.  "You ever do something like that and I'll have you arrested."

"Yes, sir."

He looked at the agent.  "Is he being recruited?"

"He's about to go overseas and ran into a few classified areas by accident so we need to make sure he knows how to deal with it if someone comes up to him."

"Teach him common sense!"  He stomped off.  So did the other agents once the scanning team was done.

Xander pulled one foot up to hug his knee.  "Sorry," he said at Jack's stare.

"Not even I would've pulled that, kid.  It was helpful but really dumb.  You need to lay lower before more people realize you're not exactly the normal geeky author."

"Yes, General."

"Try harder, kid.  Most guys, they'd be a bit more scared and only react as a last resort."

"Not like I know anything about how other men react.  I was surrounded by women.  I still am."

"Well, then think about how I would act, or anyone else you've ever been around."

"The only male influence I have presently is from a past possession," he said quietly.  "And he was special ops."

"Oh.  How....  Do I want to know?"

"Long story."

"We'll talk later," he decided.  "How bad was he?"  Xander leaned over and hissed a name, making Jack stiffen.  "So...did you already know who I was?"

"Barely whispered at me that you were trustworthy.  I can't hear him like that."

"We'll talk about this later," he decided since the normal people were coming back.  "Put the laptop up."

"If he doesn't have anything that would interfere, he can use it once we're back in the air," the stewardess said as she walked past him.

"Can I have  soda then?' he asked.  "They wouldn't let me bring one from the airport."

"Once we're in the air, sir."  She got the rest of the people resettled and they made sure they were all there.  They closed the doors and headed away from the gate, sighing in relief.

***

Xander was walked into the infirmary.  "Hi, doc."

"What are you doing back here?" she demanded.

"A few months back, he went on a cross realm trip," Jack told her.

"I remember getting a letter from myself.  So?"

"They laid a compulsion so I couldn't admit I'm carrying more information until they asked," Xander told her.  "Six little disc thingies and a chip."

"Where are they?"

"I don't fully know.  They're marked with a little dot of ink that'll show up under this weird red penlight that Danny had.  He said to call him that," he said at the heated look Jack gave him.

"Fine.  That one did.  Probably because the demons drove him insane."  He put him onto a bed.  "Describe the pen?"

Xander looked around and pointed at one.  "Like that only it was red?" he said.  "And it had stuff scratched on the handle."

Doctor Lam looked at him and went to get something out, bringing it out.  "Like this?"

"With a red light."  She switched it on and changed it.  "There," he said. She flipped it back.  "Like that only his was brighter."  She switched another switch.  He took off his shirt.  She shined it.  Nothing.  He took it and smiled, twisting the end.  It was much brighter and now it showed up faintly.  She grimaced, looking at them.  "There's one on my leg and one just above my knee I think.  It's been itchy since that night."

"Strip," she ordered, adding something else.  It showed a lot more, including that ink had written a message to her on his back.  She found them, circling them with a marker.   She found a second one she shouldn't have and circled it too.  One last one and she looked at his thigh.  There was a glow.  "Are you pierced?' she asked.

He looked at himself.  "I didn't used to be but I was knocked out so they could do this.  Apparently it was beyond classified.  Though, if I am, wouldn't my last date have noticed it?"

"You'd think," she said dryly.  She pulled a curtain around.  "Drop 'em."  He sighed but wiggled out of them.  There was another message, making her smirk.  "Now I know O'Neill and Jackson did it together," she said, turning around.  "You can have them back."

He looked at himself.  "Do we hope it comes out?" he asked.  "It's been weeks."

"I don't know," she admitted.  He put on his boxers and she turned back around, opening the curtains.  "Okay, it shouldn't be too hard to remove them."  She looked at Jack, swatting him on the arm.  "The you there is still warped."  She walked off to get some local.  "I'd do a scan to see how deep they are but it might ruin it."  She came back.  Xander winced at the needle and bottle.  "I can cut you without it," she offered.

"Please do.  I don't like needles.  Even from nice, pretty doctors who're mean enough to date me."

She cackled.  "I'm not quite that bad and we don't torture people."

He shrugged.  "Not like I take pain medicine most of the time, Doctor."

"Uh-huh.  Tough."

"It could hurt them."

"Do you really hate needles that much?" she asked.  "You're willing to let me cut on you without it?"

"Yup, or I'll cut them out for you.  That's not a problem.  I can do that."

"You try to reach for a scalpel and I'll kill you, bring you back, and then hurt you until you're normal," she vowed.  He scooted back but she heard the subvocal purr.  He did look cute like that.

"Doc, only evil women like him," Jack said dryly.  "Should we check you to make sure?"

She looked at him.  "I will stab you," she vowed.  He backed up and held his hands up, going to get someone to help her.   She smiled at him.  "Now that the pesky annoying one is out of the way...."

"He got really frustrated and upset when I stopped the plane's hijacker," he offered, giving her puppy eyes.

She pinched him on the cheek.  "I would've beat you until you begged."

He leaned closer.  "Do you like me a whole lot?  I could use a nice girlfriend."

She patted him on the cheek.  "You're too young for me.  Otherwise, I might make you beg."  She looked at it.  "Let me do the chip first."

He scooted up the bed, crossing his feet so she could get to the one on his leg, but he couldn't kick and he could hang onto the handrails.  "Okay."

"I can still give you something."

"No thanks."  He heard an alarm and sighed, looking up.  "Some other mean woman coming for me?"

She snickered.  "Probably not."  She made a small cut.  He only gripped tighter, didn't do more than suck in a deep breath.  She got the chip out and put it onto a waiting tray.  Someone stomped in.  "See, I told you it wasn't an evil woman coming for you."

"Well, it was an ally," Cam said dryly.  "Kid."

"Hi."  He waved then gripped the handrail again.  "Okay, Doc."  She got the others out and bandaged them for him.  She scanned.  She hadn't missed any.   She smiled and took off her gloves.  "Can I run away?"

"No.  The general wants to talk to you some more, kid."  She smiled at Cam, handing him the tray.  "To Sam."

"Yes, Doc."  He looked at the boy.  "What did you do?"

"I wasn't available for it.  The other you guys did it and put a compulsion so I couldn't talk about it until directly asked by one of you."

"Is there anything else you can only tell us?" she asked.

"Yes."

"What?"  He looked at her.  "About a mission, an enemy, or a personal problem?"

"Yes."

"Enemy?"

"No."

"Mission?"

"No."

"Personal problem?"

"Yes, but not yours."

"That compulsion is very strong," she decided.  "Whose personal issue?"

"Doctor Jackson's and possibly that nice guy who was a watcher to a young slayer from the project."

"Sheppard?" Mitchell asked.  He nodded at that.  "What sort of personal problem?"

"Go," she ordered when he couldn't answer.  She looked at him.  "Personal how?"

"Past relations and little bug thingies."

"Bug...replicators?"  He shrugged.  "Okay.  Can you tell me or do you have to tell them?"

"I don't know," he admitted.  Daniel was walked in by Jack.

"Ask him about the personal problem he can't tell me about," she ordered.

Daniel stared at her then at him.  "Compulsion?  It sounds like the fantasy novel idea."

"Yup.  Laid by the you there and Dawn."

"Okay.  What personal problem did I tell you to tell me?"  Xander pulled him closer and said it in his ear, getting a shudder.  "That's very bad," he agreed.  "Anything else I should know that he gave you?"

"Um...."  He considered it.  Then he said something very quietly, making Daniel stiffen.  "I think I can tell you the other one."  He whispered that one and another something.

"That one's happened already."  He patted him on the arm.  "Thank you and I can make sure it won't happen, Xander."  The boy beamed at him.  "Are you holding any other secrets?"

"Two."

"What two?" he asked.

"The me there thought it might be important if I knew how he created things so he let me share his memories of that and the possession part way, but I can't bring it out.  He said to tell you guys the repository thingy would have to work on me and to remind you that I suck in spirits and things because my shields aren't that great."

"Okay," Jack agreed.  "What was he building?"

"Most recently?  Artillery for their upcoming base apocalypse in a few months time.  Though they did have a light saber and other neat things, like a Ghostbuster's pack."

"The thrower packs?" Daniel asked.  Xander beamed and nodded.  "They got a compact proton accelerator to work?"

"Yeah.  It's really neat and kinda heavy.  The me there had also recently created a new explosive ball that took down a building during testing."

"We need that," Jack decided.

"Can we get it out without cutting out my brain?" Xander asked.  "Because I need to finish my current story or my fans will wail."

"It won't be more than downloading your memories," Daniel assured him.

"Including the bad ones?"

"We'll ignore those," he promised with a slight smile.  "The other I'll pass on myself."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "You look really happy."

"You don't have to cut off my head."

"It'll give you a migraine," Daniel assured him.  "But not that way."  He went to find some way to do that.  It'd be okay.  They needed this information.  He walked into Sam Carter's lab.  "Can you get the information off it?"

"The chip, yes.  The decoding method I clearly didn't make.  It's in geek babble."

"Abby.  McKay's girlfriend," Daniel told her.  "She's a lab tech at NCIS.  She published something a few years back," he said, moving to another computer to look it up online.  "There, decoding data streams from impossible media."  She looked it over and put that process into going on, which brought her to the point where her encryption key worked.  She smiled at him and decoded everything.  "What do we have?"

"We have...."  She pulled them all up together.  "SG files.  We have Atlantis files.  We have a partially decoded database and the decryption key they used.  That's a pretty algorithm."  She pulled up more of them.  "We have ...oh, shit.  We have info on the Ori from there and their new super gate."  She paged the general and Mitchell.  She kept going while waiting on them to appear.  "We have...  Ooh, plots and plans.  We have things on a Black Thorn?"

"They're the ones who're going to invade LA in a few years," Daniel said.  She looked at him.  "Like opening a portal and letting another realm come over to take over."

"That sounds bad."  She got back to it.  "And here we have a ...huh.  We have a personnel file or six."  She put those aside for now.  "And lastly we have a history of their base and their current lives.  Including from Atlantis since they're on that base due to emergency sickness."  She looked at him.  "Plus we have how they did the portal that got him back."

"Wonderful.  Can we use it?"

"I hope so."  Landry and Jack walked in.  "We decoded it."

"Good," Jack said.  "Anything good?"

"The full SG files and Atlantis files.  Their decoded database using a new algorithm.  Stuff on the Ori and their super gate.  Stuff on Adria?"  She got into it.  "Huh.  We need to protect Vala better, Daniel."

"I'll see what we can do."  Mitchell walked in.  "How much is different?"

"They have five and a half years on us."  She looked at them.  Landry moaned at that.  "And it's not pretty, Generals."  She let them see it.  Landry let out a small whimper a few times.  Jack looked at them then back a few times.  "I can see why they wouldn't let him talk about having it until we asked."

"I should've asked when he showed up," Jack admitted.  "If this had been found out overseas we'd be in trouble.  Hey, the IOA has plans," he said dryly.

"To get everyone in trouble," Daniel shot back.  "What else is new."

Cam snorted.  "How bad?"

"Vala's going to be captured," Sam told him.  "She's going to be knocked up and the Ori are going to claim the baby as some sort of Harsis child.  She's going to be named Adria."  Cam nodded at that.  "And she'll have super powers."

"I say let the kid date her," Jack muttered.  "He was making the doctor nearly purr when she was in a mean mood earlier."

"I don't want to know," Landry said.

"He joked that the incoming alarm was some evil woman here to date him," Cam joked.

"Close," Daniel said, smiling at him. "Really close since it was Anise."

"Think we could?  He might make her calm down."

"No," Landry ordered.  "Please don't."  He went back to his reading.  "I must need rogaine from pulling out my hair," he complained.  "Anything else?"

"Sheppard's ex-wife is somehow going to be involved in a replicator down here," Daniel said.

"We'll let him know so he can give us information on her," Landry decided.  "Anything else I need to hear right now before this is printed?"

"Yeah, apparently the us there wrote a dirty note on the kid to make the doctor blush," Jack said dryly.  "When Danny there took over, they eventually ended up moving us under them and apparently I'm his assistant director over us.  It means I lounge on base and deal with the kid creating things."

"We need some way to download his memories since he was creating artillery there and had himself possessed so he'd know how," Daniel said when the General could only give Jack the most horrified look ever.  "Harris was very thankful we wouldn't have to cut off his head to get to his brain.  The note said we need to find a way to do the repository in reverse.  But I did say I'd ignore any bad or girlfriend memories."

"I don't need to see anyone's mind that way," Cam said.  "That machine I used for my buddy?"

"It won't get deep enough," Jack sighed.  "This isn't his first possession either.  He told me he still carries the memories of one of the commandos who trained me."

"Wow.  How did that happen?" Daniel asked.

"All he said was it was a chaos guy on Halloween's fault but it was very handy out there.  This would be after he used a pen to take out the guy trying to hold the plane hostage so he could blow it up."

Cam smirked, holding out a hand.  Sam and Daniel both paid him five bucks.  "Thank you."  He put it into his pocket.

"You bet on what?" Jack asked.

"We know something bad would happen as soon as we heard you had to bring him back here to debrief and things," Mitchell said happily.

"He nearly got taken from me by the agents who came to get the dickhead," Jack told him.  "I want half."

"You didn't place a bet, sir."  He walked off.  "Let me know what's pertinent to me.  I'll write Sheppard."

"Thank you," Landry called after him.  "We'll send it with this file."  He went back to his reading.  It wasn't pretty by any means.  "Jackson, make sure Vala sees this part?"

"Of course."  He went to find her.  She was flirting with Xander but Doctor Lam wasn't in the infirmary.  "Did she have an emergency?" he asked.

"No."  He smiled.  "She's fine.  She's in her office."  He looked, she was crashed on her couch in there.  He decided he didn't want to know.   Vala smiled at him, teasing Xander's arm.  "Part of the information was on you, Vala.  Landry wanted to make sure you saw it."

"That's fine.  Right now?"

"Soon."

"Shoo, let me talk to him about what he knows."

"Fine," he agreed, leaving her to her seduction.  He did not want to know that either!

***

Sam sat down at the meeting table the next night.  "There's two words that translation algorithm disagree with," she said, passing that down to Daniel.

"We got those directly from them," he admitted. "Is the rest right?"

"I compared it against works you've already translated.  Everything else comes out the same but those two words.  I think those may be context words?"

"Probably," he admitted.  He put them down.  "How much more did they have decoded?"

"Most of the physical database.  None of the AI databases," she told him.  He smiled at that.  "Which is a lot of information we needed and so does Atlantis."

"Can we give it to them easily?" General Landry asked.

"Yes," she said.  "I can walk a copy of it there if I have to."  He smiled at that.  "Also, their files?  They're going to freak out.  There's a few things that hadn't happened that I know of."

"But that could be a good thing," he decided.  Daniel nodded at that. "Anything for this project?"

"A lot, sir.  There's a lot of information we did not have, some we desperately needed, and a lot more on the demon and magic connections."  She smiled at him.  "Including the fact of how some demons can sense Gou'ald larva."

"Can we use it?"

"Yes."

"Anything on the Ori?" he asked.

"A literal ton.  Including their future plans, their next super gate, all of it.  Including some interesting technology from their universe, sir.  We have information on a lot of other ancient weapons and secrets as well.  Plus, a possible help to Thor's people on the breeding issue.  Apparently the girlfriend of McKay there noted to him a prophecy in Ancient Norse

about the last son of Valhalla being born from outside their people.  That was included with the translation the you there worked up, Daniel.  It might help them some and it mentions some forgotten outposts of theirs."

"I'll gladly hand that over," he promised.  "Will it help us as well?"

"Yes, it should when we have to deal with clones.  Oh, and it does mention Ba'al and his many clones.  Including how they beat him multiple times and where he's hiding at the moment.  It lists every single gou'ald we have down here hiding."

He smiled.  "That is very good to know."

"It also lists every single IOA plan they had that failed since they were originally partially secretly funded by the NID.  They were taken out when we were given to DCIS there.  Including that the Initiative had another base where they had people stashed for testing."  Landry's face hardened at that.  "I've already started a query through the system on them.  It's an active base, sir."

"If they're still doing that shit, we'll stop them."

"Yes, sir.  If I find them active I'll tell you."

"Good.  Anything else that's important right now?"

"Vala's presently keeping Mr. Harris occupied in the infirmary," she said.  "Doctor Lam is helping when she wants to, sir."

"I don't want to know what they're doing with the civilian, Carter.  They're big girls, the same as you are."

"I'm not that naughty, sir."  She gathered things up.  "It does give us another seventy gate addresses for us and some for Atlantis."

"Wonderful."  He smiled.  "Get to it.  Break it down so even I can understand it.  By tonight I want the full packet for Atlantis ready to go.  Prioritize the other information in what we need to know or do immediately."  They nodded and left.  He relaxed.  It was not a good thing to know that the Ori were coming back for another try.  But now they knew how and probably where they were coming from.  They could handle this.

Maybe they'd even figure out how to guard Harris before some foreign power wanted him or killed him for sleeping with their people.  He'd ignore him sleeping with anyone willing while on base.  He knew the boy drew them.

The End.

Chapter 6: Tripping Minds

The trip is here!  Of course, so are the Watchers and emergency bodyguards when the first one is taken out of the scene.

Xander looked at the two very nice British officers.  "It's not my fault.  My bodyguard handled a threat when they showed up."

"Sir, why would this person want to kill you?" one asked politely.

"Because the International Council of Watchers wants me dead."

They stared at him.  "Why?" the other one asked.

"I stepped in to help a situation they felt like should be theirs to handle.  I'm sure you've seen their paladin complex?"

"Yes," the second one said.  "My boss has run into them in the past.  By the way, he wanted you brought in, sir."

"I'm sure he did.  But I'm not going to let myself be killed by them for helping their people or escaping death.  For that matter, my bodyguard was doing what he was supposed to."

"Yes, sir, but did he have a weapons permit?" the first officer asked.  He'd ignore the statement that the other officer's boss might be dirty.

"I believe he did."

"How big is the contract on you, sir?" the first asked.

"Half a mil."  He smiled.  "All for staying alive and keeping others alive."  He sat down.  "As for your boss, I don't care," Xander told him.  "I've seen them hurt a lot of very good people.  I'm sorry for him, but I'm not going near them without reacting and that'll make the news, which they'd hate."

"Sir, threatening...." the first started.

He held up a hand.  "Statement of fact, Officer."  He looked at the second one.  "I'll gladly go to the *station*."

"That'd be acceptable, sir.  If you wouldn't mind coming with us?"

"Sure.  Can he drive?' he asked, pointing at the first one.

The second stared.  "You know of their duty?"

"Yes, and I helped Summers in Sunnydale for four years."  The man gave him a horrified look.  "They decided I was wrong to help her."

"If you knew they'd try," the first officer said.  "Why come here?"

"Book signing."  He held up his newest one with a smile.  "No choice, which was why I got a bodyguard."

"Okay," he decided. "I am driving," he told the second officer.

"I agree," he said.  "Sir."  Xander stepped into his shoes and grabbed his wallet and passport, then his watch and room key, following them out.  He saw the hovering manager.  "The attempted death threat was taken care of, sir.  We're going to take his statement and bring him back later."

"That's fine.  I hope this doesn't happen again."

"I'm pretty sure it won't," Xander assured him with an easy smile.  "Or I'll fight back harder and they won't like that."  The manager swallowed.  He smiled at him.  "It's cool.  Really."  He got into the back of the squad car, letting them take him to the station.  Xander made himself relax.  His bodyguard was covered.  He was covered.  If this 'commander' was dirty to the Council then he'd handle it.  Without drawing attention to himself hopefully.   Because he had to survive so Jack and his people could get the rest of the information out of his brain.

The officers walked him in and to the office.  "Sir," the second said.  "You wanted to see him."

"I did.  Dismissed."

Xander nodded politely at them.  "Thank you for the nice treatment," he said quietly.   They left and he looked at him.  "So, relative in the Council who's forcing you or otherwise."

"I don't know what you're talking about, sir."

"I'm from Summer's team in Sunnydale," he said bluntly.  "I know what assholes they are, Commander."

The man stared at him.  "Is that why they want you dead?"

"Yup.  Apparently they didn't learn very well that I'm not the easy target."

"I can understand that.  Why are you local?"

"Book signing."

"You write now?"

"Yes.  I'm also Alexian Harris."  He smiled.  The man moaned.  "They really hate me and I don't care.  Is my bodyguard all right?"

"He's fine.  The graze proved the girl fired first like he said she did."  Xander nodded, sitting down.  "They do want you brought to them."

"Do you really want to see the headlines tomorrow when I have to fight back?" he asked quietly.  "Or face questions about why an international author died in your city after you had caught a contract on his life being started?  Especially since some of your officers know about the Council and can spill it?"

"Sir...."

Xander sighed and took off his watch, holding up the back of it.  The commander sighed, staring at him.  "I was her weapons person," he said quietly.  "I hate the council as much as they hate me.  I know what sort of fuckers they are."

"I think we all do around here," he admitted.  "You still can't...."

"Yeah I can."  He put his watch back on.  "And I have other things hidden around my person that you won't find without a witch's help."  He stood up again.  "If there's nothing else, I think I need to change hotel rooms and arrange for another guard."

"I think it'd be wise.  Are you staying in the city?"

"No, I'm delivering a letter to a coworker's family in Ireland in a few days.  I'll be flying up and back.  Other than that, I have two signings and some sightseeing time."  He smiled.  "If they come, I will try my best to keep it out of the press.  My agent would like that."

"I'd like to be out of this situation."

"Even if you handed me over, I'd kill them all," Xander said bluntly.  "It won't matter to me.  A threat to me is always handled as quickly and efficiently as I can.  Even if I do have to go to the local demon community to get backup."

"Please don't," he moaned.  "We're at peace."

"So am I."  He smiled.  "Now, can I go?"

"Go.  If they come...."

"I'll be quiet about it.  My bodyguard?"

"We'll probably be letting him go home if he wants."

Xander smiled.  "I'll get another one as soon as I can then.  Let me say goodbye to him?"

"He'll be back at the hotel."

"Thank you."  He nodded and left, going back to the hotel.  His guard was already there.  "Thank you."  He gave him a quick, manly hug.  "I'm sorry they acted already."

"I would've been less mean if I didn't have jet lag, Mr. Harris."

"Xander, please."

"Fine, Xander then."  He looked at him.   "They want me to leave the country."

"I'll be okay enough.  If I have to, I'll get a second one by Germany."

He smiled.  "Thanks, Xander.  Good luck.  Secret society sorts are always bad news."

"At least it's not a church.  They have very limited members in most areas outside of England."

"Yes but they can hire."

"That dirties them in their duties," he said dryly.  He smiled.  "Can I give you a lift to the airport and a bonus?"

"I want you to stay inside as much as you can on this leg of the trip, Xander.  It's easier for them to get you if you're not hiding."

"It's harder for them to find me if I'm out sightseeing."

"They have enough people to put one at each tourist attraction to spot you."

"Reggie, they have dirty cops.  They can come retrieve me."  He smiled.  "I'm not going to hide from them and they aren't going to kill me because I'll destroy them.  In the press and out."  He smirked.  "Shooting at you meant my nice guy gloves came off."

"Can you actually do anything?"

"I can call some contacts back in LA and New York to get an introduction over here."  He smirked.  "They're not all nice poker players."

"Underworld?"

"Some have some.  And some upper world ones."  He beamed.  "Now, want a ride?"

"Sure, I can use a ride.  I don't deserve a bonus."

"Yeah you do."  He handed the envelope over to him.  "You kept me from having to get hurt."  He clapped him on the back.  "Remember, the boss is always right," he said with a teasing grin.  "Unless she's a brainless tramp with a dog."  Reggie burst out laughing at that, patting him on the back.  "C'mon."  He took him down to get his car and decided instead on a taxi.  Valets were risky.  Not that he thought anyone on the Council could pretend to be that low class, but you never knew if they had one of the trainees do it.  They weren't old enough to be that snobby yet.

***

Xander came back from Daniel's family in Ireland to find people in his hotel room.  He stared at them.  "Hi," he said, looking at the guys he kind of knew from elsewhere.  "Did Dawn send you guys?"  This was good timing on their part but a bit creepy since they were inside his room.

John Sheppard smirked.  "No, General O'Neill did.  Get in here."  Xander walked in and closed the door.  "I'm impressed that it took you a day to get into trouble."

"They kicked in the door and tried to shoot my bodyguard.  It was their own fault and I have let it be known that I'd be taking them out spectacularly if they try it again."  He sat down.  "So, here for the brain thingy?"

"We're going to have to use a lesser thing, which may leave you with some information," John said.

"Okay."  He looked at Rodney.  "It's odd seeing you not cooing at Abby."

"I can't until we're done on our project."

"I heard.  Most of the demon community calls you guys heroically stupid."  They both smirked at that.  "Something about no way back, evil creatures that need slayers, and a lot of problem cultures.  Though I have heard rumors that you guys are the playboys of the universe too."

"Totally untrue," John said smugly.

Rodney snorted.  "Yes, because you haven't slept with some priestesses."

"It got us out of trouble," he shot back.  "Not why we're here."  He looked at him.  "With that much information it may take a few days to a few weeks."

"That's cool.  We have a room set up for my bodyguard.  I'll have to get one since he checked out, but I can do that.  How much will this hurt?  I've got a signing tomorrow from ten until the last of my fans leaves."

"How long should that take?" Rodney asked.

"They said four, I say whenever the last one's gone," he said.  "I'm not going to disappoint my fans."

"I agree," John assured him.  "That makes you a nice guy."

"Only sometimes," he admitted dryly.

"Yeah, we heard."  He smirked.  "Including about that small helpful thing back on a halloween?"

"It's come in handy."

"We got some files."

"The Initiative's are wrong."

"I heard.  We have some from the underground community you play poker in."  Xander beamed.  "Half of it I'll take with a grain of salt or six.  Half of it, I'm scared to death of what you'll pull if you're threatened.  So which half is right?"

"It depends on the situation.  I'm not going to give up but I will be, probably always, a white knight.  I jumped into that fight and this one got landed on me because of it.  What did they say?"

"Weapons?"

"Which one?"

"Mall," John added, staring him down.

"Really my best date in high school, but necessary.  Otherwise we'd all be dead."

"Graduation?" Rodney asked.

"Necessary, or we'd all be dead and giant demon worm food.  If they got those both right as they happened."  John tossed over the file.  Xander sat down to read it, sorting it out.  "I never dated her, she was just evil on her own."  He kept going, adding one other to that pile.  "Not how it happened."  He sighed, putting one aside.  "Not quite.  Close but not quite and a personal failure I kick my own ass about."  He kept going.  "Spell," he said, handing one over.  "Otherwise pretty correct."  He handed it back and the individual sheets, looking at John.  "I'm not helpless, but I will warn you if I start writing, you'll need to get me out of it.  I totally zone out.  I expected Reggie to be more a mother hen than anything else.  I didn't think the Council was going to be that blunt."

Rodney nodded.  "We can see how that happens.  We did get briefed by your roommate Tara about your writing habits."  He smirked.  "I know some people who would like some brain scans of that state."

"Hey, if they can find my muses, I might not mind.  My last girlfriend either.  They interrupted sex once."  He grimaced, shrugging some.  John was staring at him.  "What?" he asked, starting to look worried.

"You got that thing during a *date*?"

"Yeah.  The halloween thing gave me the codes.  We double dated because Oz had a van and Willow wanted to go with.  I took Cordy."

John gave him a horrified look.  "You guys didn't have a theater?  Or anything?  Breaking into a military base was a *good* date?"

"Mini golf, theater, bars, a teen club, two colleges.  She nearly got sacrificed at a frat party.  It was necessary.  The thing in the mall was going to kill humanity," he said quietly, glancing at the door.  He could see a shadow underneath it.  "Did you bring friends?" he hissed.

John got up and went to check.  "Yes?" he asked.

"Are you his new bodyguard?" the female asked quietly.

"Yes, ma'am."

Xander looked around him.  "Hi, Merry.  Why are you in England?"

"Because I have to tell you that I got so stunned with my behavior I had to confess and I can't...  I want to hit on you or throw you down and rip your clothes off, Xander, and I can't."

"I know."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "I know, I understand, it'll be okay."  She smiled.  "Tell them I'm okay so far?  I delivered Daniel's letter for him."  She nodded and left.  "My agent's assistant."

"Our Daniel?" Rodney asked.

"No, Willow's husband Daniel.  His family's from Ireland.  That's where I was earlier."

"We saw you were up there," Rodney said, staring at him.  "She was dating you?"

"We played with the idea but she decided it was making her want to be too bad.  She did avoid killing her last boyfriend though."  John moaned, shaking his head, banging it against the wall for the bathroom.

"He's worse than you are," Rodney taunted with an evil smirk.

"Hey, I can go date guys on the trip," Xander said dryly.

John looked at him.  "We don't care."  Xander grinned at that.  He sat down, looking at the boy.  "Okay, we'll protect you, we'll get that information from you.  By then we'll be in Asia by your timetable."  Xander nodded at that.  "And probably safer unless you have some underworld contacts that no one mentioned?" he said, sounding almost depressed at that thought.

"I don't think any of my kitten poker circuit goes back to the Asian mob but I did get a letter from one daughter over there who wanted to have a private dinner with me.  I turned her down."  He dug out that letter and handed it over.  "I stated I would have just gotten in that night and I'd have jet lag so I wouldn't be very good company, but that my schedule during the trip was very tight.  That if I saw her, it'd probably be at a signing."

John looked it over.  "Her father's big in entertainment by what I've seen in the popular magazines."  He handed it to Rodney, who turned to look her up.  "Okay, what are you doing today?"

"Dinner.  I picked out a really nice looking pub that has tourists and locals.  There's a soccer game on tonight."  He looked hopeful.  "Can we still go?  I can buy dinner."

"We can go," John agreed.  "You're not to leave the pub without telling us.  In the morning, we'll go with you to the bookstore, and then back here.  We can browse, read in a corner, whatever."  Xander and Rodney both nodded at that.  "Even if you're running down for a paper, you let us know.  Those are the rules."

"I can do that as long as you're not mean leash holders who want to tie me in the room.  It's my first time traveling anywhere."

"No, we can understand that you want to get out and do things," John assured him.

Rodney nodded.  "I've done the same myself on some trips.  There's safe ways of traveling."

"I have a tour booked our last day in the morning," he said, pulling that out of the desk drawer.  "They look reputable.  There's multiple people going, including one of the other authors.  And tomorrow I was going to watch the ceremony at the Tower."

"Can you keep any and all ghosts outside of you?" Rodney asked.  "We were told you had a problem with that."

"They'd hate me for being American," he pointed out.  "I won't go into the Tower.  I'll be watching the changing of the guards and the key ceremony."

"That's not a bad idea," John agreed.

Rodney nodded.  "There's also a lot of more subtle local flavor to see."

"If I had the time, I'd visit Cambridge and Oxford.  I'd visit Bathe and a lot of the older towns.  That'll take months though."

"True," he agreed.  "Maybe some other time."

"Maybe.  Though I'd have to go as someone else.  We all know the Council is like a hydra.  It won't die no matter how many heads you cut off.  I'd like the current one to wither and die though."

"I think a lot of people would like to see some changes from them now that we know," Rodney assured him.  "Our generals included."

"I'm not against that," Xander assured them.  "I respect the calling, the work, all that.  I don't respect the way they treat the girls, or the knowledge, or anyone else who helps."

"We definitely agree on that point," Rodney said, making the boy relax again.  "Are you tense from the threat?"

"No.  I'm more tense because my muses want me to write and I know if I start it and you guys have problems it'll never be finished so I'll disappoint people."

"There is not hardly any chance of this screwing up your mind," John told him.

"I'm the master of breaking prophecies and coming up in impossible situations," he told him.

"No, this one is idiot proof," Rodney told him.  "No matter what, it can only download a copy."  Xander nodded at that.  "If you want to write, go ahead."

"Then I'll miss dinner and I'm starving."  He grabbed some things.  "Dinner?"

"Sure, we can hit the pub," John agreed.  "Are you drinking?"

"Hardly ever.  My parents have problems with that state.  That and reality."  He closed and checked the door behind them.  "I'm treating, right?"  They nodded, following him down.  That would work for him.  Even if they did eat like wild hogs, but he didn't think they would.  They seemed very nice at the least.  Maybe they liked to talk and read?  He'd hate being in Europe without anyone to talk to about the things he was seeing.  He really liked that Reggie would let him babble for hours on end at him and only say a few comments.  It was like letting him work through his own thoughts so he could wind down daily.

They got to the pub and it was great!  There was laughing and talking, and a large group near the big tv to watch the game and yell at the players.  He smiled at the waitress.  "Do we seat ourselves?"  She nodded so he went to find one near the tv.  He liked loud things.  It comforted him because silence was always a bad sign.  Their waitress came over to take their orders and he looked around, focusing on all the people and the joy.  He almost sighed in pleasure.

The waitress brought them their drinks, including his soda.  Rodney gave him a look.  "I live on it," he told him.  He went back to watching the crowd and the game.  The game was kinda boring but the people watching the game were a lot more fun.  She brought their food and he inhaled the scent as soon as his plate was down then he beamed at her.  She smiled back.  "Thank you."  She nodded and left them alone.  He moaned as he dug into it.  It was *so* good.  The other two could be all smirking and watch him eat but oh well.

Rodney smirked at him.  "It is good food," he admitted.  He dug in.  It was very good food.

John nodded.  "It's excellent food."  He glanced at the guys watching the game.  They were amusing but he knew that sort of behavior.  It'd be a fight soon.  Probably over a bad call.  He dug in because he was hungry.  Had a bit of jet lag too.  They'd be fine though.  The kid clearly needed to get out of the house more if a bunch of guys watching a game was more exciting to him than a game itself.

"Oi!  What'cha watching!" one complained when he caught Xander watching them.

"Humans.  I write elves."  They all laughed at that and he shrugged.  "Sorry, I'm a geek without guy friends," he told them.

"You clearly need more guy friends," John agreed.  Xander stuck his tongue out at him then ducked his head and stuffed his mouth.

Rodney looked over, giving John a knowing look.  He liked the kid too.  He was an amusing enigma of behavior and geekiness.  He looked at the boy.  "How were you in school?  We couldn't get the records."

"All time record for detentions, in-school suspension, and tardiness," he sighed.  "Our school sucked beyond that but I'm not a school sort.  I know it's great for you guys and all but I'm not great in a classroom."

"Some people are better at learning hands-on," John told him.  "That's why there's Vo-Tech."

"We didn't have that option but I did like it when I worked construction."  He glanced over at the people cheering a goal.

John handed him his drink.  "Go party with them."  Xander gave him a confused look.  "Immerse yourself in the local culture, Xander.  Go.  Shoo."

"But...  They don't like me."

"Quit staring and go join them so they will like you."  Xander shrugged but stayed there.  He did eventually go that way on his way to get a refill and back.  One of the people in there bumped into him but slapped him on the back, laughed at him, and let him join the group.  John looked at Rodney.  "Were you that geeky?" he asked as quietly as he could.

"Far beyond that I'm afraid."  He stuffed his mouth, looking at the boy's dish.  It was halfway gone.  He considered it but the kid probably needed the calories.  He could get seconds.  He waved the waitress over, pointing at the table.  She brought them another round of drinks.  "Bread?" he asked.

"Of course."  She went to get him some and brought it back with the local sweet butter and soft cheese.  She went to check on the young one.  He needed another soda but that was fine.  He was enjoying himself.  When the slight brawl broke out the kid took a sip of his drink while watching.  One of them took a swing at him.  The kid tripped him and took another drink, walking back to put his glass on the table.

"Oh, no," John said, catching him and making him sit down.  "Finish dinner.  O'Neill told us you were having a hard time sticking to your secret identity."  He gave him a pointed look but the kid did finish his dinner and the rest of the bread.  When the fight got him run into the kid kicked at the guys pinning him, making them back off.  "C'mon, it's always better to not get into a fight in a bar."

"Yes, sir."  Xander waved the waitress over, handing her two hundred pound notes with a smile and a wink.  "Thank you."  She beamed at him and they left.

"That was an excessive tip," Rodney said.

"It was a good one.  She was nice.  Nice waitresses deserve tips."

"She was pretty decent at it," John said.  "Without flirting too."  Xander grinned at that.  "Do you often get flirted with?"

"Only by bad girls.  Or girls who want to be bad girls."  He shrugged.  "I never get the good girls.  I don't know why."

"Every guy deserves a bad girl now and then," John said.  Because they couldn't be that bad, right?

"My last date was okay.  A bit needy and things.  The one before her was into human trafficking so it was a step up, but strangely back into my last fiancee."  He let his frown clear up.  "Maybe the next one will be better.  Who knows."

"Human trafficking?" Rodney asked, staring at the boy.

"Yeah.  That's the third one of them.  A few killers."  He shrugged and walked on.

John stared at his back.  "How many of your exes are in jail?"

"A few are awaiting trial," he quipped with a grin for him.  "But some are okay."

John shook his head quickly.  "Maybe taking some of those away will help?"

"No, my first one wanted to breed to me and then kill me."  Xander beamed.  "But nothing beats Ampata.  You know, she's in the local museum, I should visit."  He bounced off.

"We're regulating his sugar intake, right?" Rodney asked.  He recognized that sort of bounciness from some of the scientists on Atlantis that were always trying to steal his power bars.

"Yes," John agreed.  "A lot."  They caught up to the boy, who was flirting with some woman by petting her dog.  They smiled and walked the young man off.  John waited until she was well out of ear shot to comment.  "Nice technique, kid."

"Huh?"

"Flirting with her by petting the dog," Rodney said.  "Even *I* know that."

"I liked her dog," he said.  "She wasn't nearly evil enough for me.  I need to get Tara's cat a companion, someone to play with."

"They'll fight," Rodney assured him.  "Cats are territorial."

"I know, I can't get my closet organizer back from Miss Kitty."  Rodney gave him a look.  "Tara's cat.  Miss Kitty Fantastico."

"That name proves a girl named her," Rodney assured him.  They walked back into the hotel and someone took a picture.  "Oh, damn," he muttered, rubbing the spots out of his eyes.

"Guys," Xander complained, smiling at them.  "Are we getting a bit jump happy for someone else?"

"Alexian, we heard there's a contract out on your life," one said, taking another picture.  "What're you doing about it?"

"Well, tonight I had a wonderful dinner with these two nice guys at a local pub, which had some excellent food.  I heartily recommend them.  They were nice, even when I did get caught staring at the humans."  They laughed at that and he grinned.  "And now I'm going to go to bed.  Tomorrow, we have a signing, I'm going to the British National Museum, then to visit a few things, then dinner.  Then the next day I'm going to have a tour and go to the next city, which I think is in Germany?" he asked, getting a nod back from John.  "Other than that, if the secret society types that can't distinguish between reality and the stuff I write, that's *their* problem," he told them with a smile.  "I'll take any measures necessary to protect myself.  I had a bodyguard because I heard that they had taken a contract out on me due to my writing."  He shrugged.  "Who knows why they object to demon hunters."

"We heard it's from an earlier source," one said, stepping out.

Xander nodded.  "I was a teenager then.  What could a teenager do to gain that sort of attention, Mr. Merrick?"  The man looked stunned.  "My friend has a picture of your uncle."

"That's not unexpected.  He was important in her life.  May we speak on this matter in private?"

"We can speak but it won't be all that private since I have to go over something in the books with them to make sure it makes sense.  See, someone told me I was to deliver some information to them from a friend of theirs.  Like I did earlier today to a friend's family in Ireland."  He smiled at the reporters.  "Now, anything else going on today?"  They took a few more pictures and he walked past them.  "Remember, guys, if you guys get too good at it, I want groupies sometime," he called as he walked away.

"We'll try to find you some," one called, taking a few pictures of his people.  He had no idea who they were but it was nice they were having dinner.  They never saw the kid out with friends.

Xander let them into his room then turned and locked the door.  "Buffy would be happy to know he had family," he said, staring at him.

"You are playing a dangerous game, young man."

"If Travers doesn't leave me the hell alone, I'll blow the Council so open it won't ever matter and then I'll blow the building."

Merrick smirked.  "We had heard you were bold and very annoying."

"No I'm not like they think.  I never have been.  No matter what they think, I may be normal but so are you guys.  The only difference is training."

"You created the two slayer problem that lead to one going dark," he corrected.

"She went dark because we were teenagers and we didn't realize she didn't have any support from *your* people," he shot back.  "Not like anyone out there thought that she might be having problems with how she lost her watcher, anything with the Greek bastard and his minions, how that incident happened, which was just as much Buffy's fault since she threw him at her without warning.  Giles and Wesley never did a damn thing to help her integrate and we were too wrapped up in our own issues to help," Xander finished.

"I realize we're stupid fucks for that.  It's another in a line of failures I have because the group wasn't as good as we thought."  He moved closer.  "It's not like we had *backup* from them.  Giles couldn't fight.  He had a little magic that he was damn scared of using, which led to Rosenburg's many versions of crisis.  I got *no* training and I still managed to help her.  Giles gave up on her when Angel conveniently had the book predicting she'd die.  Giles gave up and threw up his hands.  Angel did the same.  Hell yes I wasn't going to let her die alone! "

"Guys," John interrupted.  "This isn't getting anyone anywhere."

"No, but it's enlightening," Rodney said.  Xander glared at him.  "Who would expect teenagers to be able to save the world?  Especially ones, who by their own admission, barely graduated high school."

"I'm a lot more like your partner than you," Xander said dryly.  "And my area of expertise is tactics and weapons.  That's why I planned graduation when Giles' plans looked bad."

"The whole thing?" John asked.  "The file had you leading the external battle."

"That too," he sighed, looking at the watcher again.  "Old history will only give me a migraine and make me want to chop more wood.  Why are you here, Mr. Merrick?"

"Travers does not like you being around."

"I hate how Travers uses the slayers like personal toilet paper.  I'm willing to kill him to end it.  Is he?"

"Not really.  Not in person definitely."  He stared at him.  "Some of us do want to change the system."

"So take Travers out," he said bluntly.

"We can't."

"You can.   It's not that hard.  Hell, I can!"  He looked at him.  "I can go down to the local demon bars right now and find someone who'd do it for shits and giggles."

"That would destroy us all," Merrick said dryly.

"No.  Not exactly."

Merrick swallowed.  "There needs to be changes but you're in danger."

Xander snorted.  "As opposed to what?  My dating life?  My brain frying from the next possession, or the last one?  Or hell, me getting pounced by something too big?  I know damn well there's a good chance of something coming for me because I can't figure out how to lay low.  Or hell, like Glory, I could be killed during an apocalypse."

"The Council will end you before all that, boy."

"No, they won't."  Xander got into his bag and held up something, making Merrick gasp.  "See, some of us are willing to actually work for change in the council.   If I have to do their dirty work for them, they won't like it."  He handed the file to Rodney.  "Use at your discretion."  He looked at Merrick again.  "Your turn."

He smirked.  "That is a good point," he decided.  "You are stronger than we expected."

Xander smirked.  "Yeah, I am, because I'm not going to be threatened by a society of bad research nerds.  If they knew people, they would've fixed some things."

"Very true.  So now what do we do?"

Xander shrugged.  "Get to fixing I suppose," he said blandly, staring at him.  "Faith's getting better by the day.  Buffy's still going.  What more do you guys want?"

"There's an invasion coming."

"Yes.  The Black Thorn is going to cause one.  That nice place Rosenburg sent me had one and all the slayers activated thanks to the First Evil.  You guys got blown up by that.  The me there had to help Wesley rebuild the Council."  Merrick and Rodney both shuddered.  "The girls said we did a really damn good job."

"That is a future we do not want to happen."

"Then, change out Travers, help those fighting the Black Thorn, and get off your ass from being passive about this.  Sometimes you can't be voyeurs."

"I know.  There is much that we do not know about the slayer line."

Xander snorted.  "Ask Buffy.  To end the Initiative and Adam we had to call Sineya."

"Who?" the watcher asked.

"The First Slayer."

"She had a name?"  He backed up when he saw the balled up hands.  "I was not aware of that incident.  I will ask her about it."  He bowed and left.

Xander kicked the bed.  "Can't I just blow them up?" he asked.

"No," John said.  "It'd be bad."

Xander looked at him.  "Not really."

"Yeah it would.  We need some books from there."  He took the folder to look at, grimacing at it.  "That's enough to get them sanctioned by countries and things."  He handed it back.  "Calm down."

"I am calm."

"No you're not.  There's no handy forest so calm down."  Xander took a deep, calming breath.  Then another.  Then he grabbed a bag.  "Oh, no, no hunting alone, kid."

"You can come and watch me hunt."

"No, I'm not like that.  I don't feel like hunting."  He took the weapons and pushed him down.  "Meditate or something."  He stared at him until the kid looked away.  "I agree, they're bad.   They need fixed.  They shouldn't blame a kid for stepping in to protect himself and others that he cared about."  Xander relaxed, nodding some.  "For right now, you need to think tactically."

Xander looked up at him.  "Then I'd be unconcealing the things in the bag," he said bluntly.

"Do it anyway so I know what we have in case it becomes necessary."  Xander moved the concealing patch.  John stared then at him.  "Did that get it through security?"  Xander nodded.  "I need that."  He looked at the contents.  He had enough C-4 to blow a building or twenty.  Timer.  Two grenades.  A gun.  He handed it back.  "Conceal it again, kid."  Xander did that and tossed it aside, holding his head.  "They'll work to change things, even if it is too slow for everyone you presently know in this fight."

"There's every possibility that Travers will have someone contact a demon contact to have me taken out," he said quietly.  He looked at the door.  "Visitors."  He checked to make sure the bag was concealed and put his concealing necklaces on it just in case.  It went under the bed too.  He got up and looked at them.  John had moved Rodney closer to the window.  Xander opened the door, staring at the person standing there.  "Hi," he said.  "Long time no see."

***

Tara looked up as her magic flared, sighing.  She hated the Council.  She knew that Xander was going to react badly if the Council bothered him.  She hoped his new bodyguards were effective.  If not...  Well, maybe she could get him calmed down.  Alexis gave her a nudge so she smiled.  "I'm wondering how Xander's doing since his new bodyguard is supposed to be there today."

"It's a shame that some secret society thinks he's stepped on their toes and put a contract out on their lives," Alexis grandmother said.  "What a crock."

"Well, they've been around forever so they think they know best," Tara admitted.  "They already tried once.  That's why his first bodyguard got to come home."  She ate a bite of the casserole.  "Thank you for inviting me over, ma'am."

"Dear, it's Martha.  Don't make me feel older than I am."  Tara gave her a smile.  "Besides, you'd go insane in the apartment all by yourself after having to nag him for years on end."  She smiled at her granddaughter.  "Alexis could use more friends as well.  Especially nice ones that didn't want to get her in trouble."

"No, I don't like trouble," Tara assured her, smiling at her shopping buddy, who grinned back.  "I brought Fantasia one and two."

"I haven't seen two yet," she admitted with a smile.

"They did put in Sorcerer's Apprentice but the rest is new."  They smiled at each other and took dessert up to watch them.

Martha smiled.  That was a good idea of hers.  The girl needed more friends and Alexis needed more friends who were decent.  Her son came in.  "Tara and Alexis are watching Fantasia."

He smiled.  "Good.  Anything left from dinner?"  She handed him the plate she had made him.  "Thank you, Mother."  He went to his own room to calm down and eat.  It had been a *long* day and the girls giggling at the movies was good for him.

***

John waited until they were back from the museum.  "So...you dated a revived mummy?" he asked finally.

"I didn't know she was until we started to pile up sucked out, mummified bodies."  He sat down on his bed, looking around.

"Rodney texted that he's got our room set up."  He looked at him.  "She seemed sweet."

Xander looked up at him.  "She had no choice.  She was chosen for it and they killed her even though she protested."

"That sucks."

"It did and it was a lot like what Buffy was thinking at the time about her calling.  It totally messed up the life she had planned, the life she had enjoyed.  She went from being popular to her calling, which made her an outcast.  Especially after she had to do a gym that was stuffed full of bad guys."

"That even worse."  He sat at the desk, looking at the kid.  "You looked happy."

"I could've loved her.  In the end, I told her to suck me instead of Buffy and she wouldn't until it got critical.  She panicked but they fixed the seal."  He gave him a look, then looked at his lap and hands.  "I don't know.  It seems like everyone I could love is either way out of my league or dangerous."  He looked up again.  "Sometime when I'm really feeling down, ask me about Anya."

"Who was Anya?"

Xander smiled.  "My fiancee.  Blunt as hell.  Former vengeance demon.  She was eleven-hundred year old."  John shuddered.  "She talked constantly about sex and money.  In public.  Complained in public, was borderline nympho making up for lost time.  Half the time she didn't want to be a girlfriend, just have someone there to meet her needs, but now and then she'd want to remember and talk.  Or cuddle.  That was nice."

"Where is she now?"

"In a convent."  He rubbed his face with his hands.  "I caught her cheating on me."  John grimaced.  "With Tara's girlfriend.  See, vengeance demons come when their areas are tweaked by a major uprising in feelings.  I met Anya because Cordy and I broke up when she got hurt by something that had captured Willow and I, who were caught kissing."

"You were young."

"She wished there was a world without Buffy.  So that world was created and had a vampire me.  And nearly everyone."  John shuddered.  "With this one, when I caught her, the vengeance demon over scorned boyfriends came down.  I thought about it for weeks.  I might've let her go but I was *angry* ya know?"

"Definitely.  Been there, done that, still have scratch scars for daring to complain to her about catching her in bed with a friend."

Xander nodded.  "So I wished that she find peace in charity and faith.  Since she was all about the orgasms and money."

"So.... she's in a convent?"

"Yeah."  He smiled.  "She said she's happy."

"That's good.  I mean, it probably sucked to her at first, but it's good for her and humanity."

"Tara wished her girlfriend a wonderful marriage to a guy who would hopefully like kids.  His name's Daniel."  John smirked at that.  "Now that she's straightened out, they're very happy."

"That's good.  Another wish to redeem her I guess."  He stood up.  "It could be worse."

"No.  Not really."

"She could've killed you."

"Back then....  I'm not sure if I would have minded as long as it was going to save someone else."

John looked at the kid.  "No, that's a whole 'nother conversation, kid."

"Yeah, well, you're not my therapist and I know that.  I should have one but with my luck they'd write a book or commit me."

"I'm sure the other hunters have a shrink somewhere.  Beyond whatever the council hires."

"I don't know.  I'm not hooked into them."  He shrugged.  "I'll keep dating evil girls until I settle with one and have spawn."

"You don't have to have kids."

"I know.  I'd rather not.  Especially not until all this crap with them is settled down."

"That's a brilliant idea."  The boy smirked at him for that.  "You should sleep.  You have to look pretty tomorrow."

"I know.  Not that I do look pretty but I know.  Thanks."

"Welcome.  She did seem sweet."

"Better her than the giant praying mantis that wanted to eat me and rip off my head."

John shuddered.  "I'm so glad I don't have that curse."  He left, going back to his own room.  The kid could mope for tonight.  He'd be better tomorrow or pretend to be until he went to workout or something.  That was something else he wanted to see since the kid had complained that no one had trained him.  Rodney looked up from his reading when he walked in.  "We set?"

"Yes.  Is he back?"

"Yup.  Settling in for the night."  He took off his coat and put it over the back of a chair.  "Did you find anything new out?"

"I sent that file to General Landry, who was most pleased to have that information.  I did a better background check on the boy."  He pointed at the computer.  "I left it up for you."  John sat down to read it.  "He looked upset."

"She was his girlfriend until they realized she had to kill people to live."

"How does he get into those situations?"

"I don't know and I'm not sure I want to know because I might get hit."

"You already have the lesser version," Rodney said sarcastically.  "Or should I start naming them?"

"Please don't," he shot back with an evil look.  "I didn't have this problem before I joined the team.  So maybe it's your fault since I always seem to pick them up around you."

"You're always around Teyla and Ronon too," he complained.  "Why is it my fault?"

"Because there were those before they joined the team, but not you.  They all happened after you had me sit in that damn chair."  He went back to reading.

Rodney sniffed but he was smirking.  "Well, that's ungrateful.  Look what it gave you when I did make you."

"Yeah, my life threatened most every week.  A project that's driving me to pull out my hair by the handful.  Bureaucrats.  Marines."

"My insane crew of misfit geniuses who have little sense," Rodney joked.

"Exactly, and the Marines who have to save them but want to kill them for it."

"It could be worse."

"Yeah, I could be a general in charge of all that with more headaches."

"You could be on the Joint Chiefs and having to suck up to politicians."

"Please don't make me puke with that vision."  Rodney smirked at him.  "You're going to meet with the IOA person tomorrow to go get those history books?"

"Yes, you get to play bodyguard.  I'll be off subtly criticizing idiots who think they're God like."

"Speaking of, you missed it.  Remember hearing Mitchell say he had somehow concealed some things?"  Rodney nodded.  "Including his bag of things."

"Should we complain?"

"No."  He read the rest and saved it down then went to the bathroom to get ready for bed.  He had to be alert and ready tomorrow.  Rodney only had to snark his way past a British secret society with help from the government.

***

Xander came out of the book signing.  "Alexian, did you pick up a special friend?" one reporter called.

Xander looked at John, who was rolling his eyes, then looked at them.  "No.  He's going to show me around to some of the places I want to go because he's been here before."  He smiled.  "Besides, he's not mean enough for me.  We all know that my tastes run to mean and sarcastic."  He waved and they got into the rental car.  John had liked that he had one but had agreed it needed to be checked over since it had been in valet parking.  "That's an interesting jump."

"Not really," John said.  "You could've said I was your bodyguard."

"I might if they follow us."

"If that really is your type of guy, I know Rodney had a sweet tooth and likes coffee a lot."

Xander looked at him. "He's way too smart for me.  Now, if you find his twin in the military side of you guys, introduce me," he offered with a smirk of his own.  John laughed and nodded.  Xander started the car, looking around before turning the wheel.  He turned it off and got out, going over to the girl jogging his way.  "Hi.  What's up?" he asked.

"Are you Mr. Harris?" she panted.

"I am, and I know who you are."  She gave him a horrified look.  "Here to deliver a message or have me sign something?"

"Um..."  She looked at the reporters standing around then at him.  "We should talk in private."

"I'm at the Excelsior.  Be there after dinner."  She nodded and backed off.  Xander turned to get back in the car and nearly ran into his next obstacle.  "Damn, are you guys using concealing magic too?" he asked, making the man growl and pull a gun.  "Um, guys, gun!" he called, staring at him.  The reporters ran.  "Must you do that in front of the press?  My fans will be upset."

"Put it down, now!" John ordered, aiming his gun at the idiot.

"He's evil!  He's bringing demons to attention!" the man shouted.

Xander stared at him.  "It's a fantasy novel."  The man reached into his pocket so Xander moved.  The man tried to follow but John got him down and laid out nicely for the officers showing up.  "Does he have an ID from that group?" he asked.

John tossed the cop coming their way the guy's wallet.  "No.  He might be some random crank.  Good job, kid."  He looked at the officers, pulling out his ID to show them.  "I'm a friend of a friend and his former neighbor is my general.  The general wanted him protected because he knows what sort of problem the kid can draw," he told the officer, putting back his gun carefully.  "He was reaching into his left pocket for something.  I don't know what."

"Sir, why are you here?" one of the officers asked.

"He's a friend of a friend and I needed to deliver that mutual friend's letter to him but now he's showing me around and kinda helping me as a bodyguard type of thing," Xander told them.

"That's good for you, sir," the officer said.  "Who are you?"

"Alexian Harris," one reporter called.  "He writes fantasy novels.  Is this about the death threat to him from that secret society of people who have little minds or is this something else."

"He said I was bringing demons to attention so probably not one of them," Xander called.  "Just someone who confused reality."  They took more pictures until the police made them go away.  He smiled at the officer.  "My actual bodyguard had to leave the other day thanks to someone trying to kill us."

"Who is the death threat from, sir?"

"The ICW."

The officer shuddered.  "They're a horror story around the office."

"They're willing to pay to have my nuts," Xander said dryly.  "Half a mil for them."  They all moaned.  "So, yes, he's my big hero and I'm treating him to dinner later.  Can you guys...."  He waved a hand at the idiot.

"I was at the signing earlier, why are you over here, sir?" another officer asked.

"A friend of my former classmate that got me in trouble with the ICW showed up and I told her where to meet me later for a talk.  I turned around and ran into him and his gun.   Then he reached for something in his pocket.  John bravely made him stop and got him down for me."

They smiled at the military guy, who just smiled back.  "Good job, sir."

"Colonel," he corrected.  "Can I take Xander back to the hotel?  We were going to do some mild sightseeing tonight and then hit dinner."

"Go ahead, sir."  John walked Xander off while they cleaned up this mess and confiscated the coat with the possible biological contaminant, which turned out to be finely ground sand.  They all decided he was insane and put him in for a mental health check.  Nutters for the nut house.

***

Xander came back from his meeting with the potential.  "So?" John asked when they met in the lobby.  "Good, bad?"

"Not good, not horrible.  She was happy that Faith wasn't going to die anytime soon."  He shifted and grimaced.  "Her watcher sent her and she didn't realize humans were so hard to stake."

"Excuse me?" he demanded.

"It's nothing."

"Room, now," he ordered.  He followed him, staring at him in the elevator since they weren't alone.  They got into the room and he looked him over.  "Off."  Xander groaned. "I can call Doctor Lam.  She ordered me to if you collapsed or anything."  Xander sighed but took off his shirt and undershirt, letting him see the wound.  "That needs stitches."

"Get me my med kit from the blue bag and I can do them."

"You can what?" he demanded.

"I was the field medic," he told him.  "Just get me my kit please."  John stared at him so he got it for himself and went into the bathroom to hop up on the sink's counter so he could handle the stitches he needed.  Plus pulling out a few pieces of wood that had flaked off.  John walked in and glared at him.  "It's not the first time I've done my own."

"No wonder you could chop wood with a broken rib."

"That was mostly anger, but yeah."  They both looked at the door when someone knocked and something was slid underneath it.  "Can you?"

"I'd better."  He went to look at it, frowning.  It had very ornate script and it smelled odd.  He got the bag for the ice bucket and slid it in there carefully.  When it tilted as he tied it, smoke came out.  "Stay," he ordered.

"Sure," Xander agreed, pulling out his own pistol while John took that outside and called someone.  Xander finished his stitches.  He was putting on a bandage when someone kicked in the door.  Thankfully, his gun had tranq darts loaded.  The first person through was in a uniform and a gas mask.  They and the other three went down then Xander came out to look at them and call the nice detective who had wanted a statement the last time.

"Inspector Hallings?  Alexian Harris.  I have four guys in uniforms and gas masks that just burst into my room.  No, I have a tranq dart system.  I figured it'd be safe.  I have no idea but Colonel Sheppard took the smoking envelope outside in a bag right before they showed up.  Please.  They should be up in about twenty or so."  He hung up and went to pack his medical kit again.  It didn't have anything controversial in it.  John stomped back.  "Take the bags to the car," he said quietly.  "Someone's coming to pick them up."  He nodded, taking the gear bag and the one with the medical kit.  Xander waited.  Two cops rushed in.  "They kicked in the door right after the smoking envelope was shoved under it," he told them.

"On the floor!" one shouted.

"Okay.  Moving slowly because of a wound."  He got down like they wanted him to and they patted him down.  "The tranq dart gun is on the bathroom counter, where I left it."  They went to check it out.  The inspector came in.  "Anything?"

"Shut up," one of the officers ordered.

"You shut up," Hallings snapped.  "He's the victim!"  They backed off at that and he helped him up, looking at the bandage.  "What's that?"

"Someone sent his protégé after me to make sure she knew that humans were a hard target.  I convinced her to change careers.  It's nothing.  I've already handled it."  That got a nod and the inspector backed off.  "What about them?"

He searched them, coming up with a picture and a copied note.  He held it up once he had read it.

"Hey, they raised it," he said dryly, smirking at John when he came back.  "They raised my bounty."

"How much is it now?" he asked.

"Two mil," Xander said.  "Good thing we're leaving soon."

"Yes it is."  He came in to look at them then at the kid.  "Tranq darts?"

"Safe, non lethal.  It gives the nice officers time to respond without putting anyone in danger."

"It's not a bad idea," he agreed.   The officers growled.  "I gave the letter to someone outside in the HAZMAT van," he told the Inspector.

"That's what we'd want you to do, Colonel.  Thank you.  Mr. Harris, are you all right beyond your side?"

"Yeah, I'm fine.  I'm fine even with that."  He smiled slightly.  "I'm almost used to people wanting to kill me.  The only odd thing is that I didn't date them first."

Hallings laughed.  "I have heard."  He got the other officers to take those into custody.  That way they could growl at their very dirty people.  Or whoever was in those uniforms.  "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow at six," Xander said, finding their itinerary for him to copy down.  "I'm going on a sightseeing tour in the morning."

"Excellent idea.  A lot of people around, fairly safe to be among.  Thank you.  Have a good trip, you both."  He left, letting them get the hotel people up there to fix the door or move them.  The hotel was very aware that he had a bodyguard due to a contract on his life.  They could not blame him for it.  "Lonnie, what's with the letter?" he asked when he spotted the HAZMAT guys still there.

"Knock out gas of some sort.  Not lethal.  Guess the idiots in the masks were going to fix that."

"'Parently," he agreed.  He walked off shaking his head.  It was good the boy had an actual, trained soldier who could back him up whenever he ran into problems.  Hopefully the poor sod was keeping him from dating too.

Upstairs, Xander was packing so he could settle into his new room for the night.  He went back to make sure he had everything.  He was even nice enough to clean up his mess in the bathroom.  He did one last check, including for his magically concealing necklaces.  They were in the car so he was good.  He went to his own room and laid down, then decided he wanted a beer.  He got up and went to the door, finding McKay stomping up the halls.  "I need a beer, you look like you need a beer.  Pub we had dinner at that night in twenty?"

"Definitely," he agreed.   "After dealing with the hidebound asses I need a beer."  Xander beamed and grabbed his wallet and new room key before heading out.  "Wasn't he....wasn't he in another room?" he asked himself.  He walked into theirs and found John trying to relax.  "We're going to the pub we had dinner at."

"Let me get my shoes on," he said, finding them to slide into.  They left together, talking along the way about what had happened at the Council.   "How bad?"

"The hidebound assholes don't even like computers."  He waved his hand around.  "Half of them looked at my cellphone oddly."  John groaned, shaking his head.  "They have a library the size of Oxford's and no idea what's in it according to the head librarian.  Not even a card catalog.  Two *blatantly* tried to threaten the IOA person.  He nearly had them shut down but the Queen likes them," he sneered.

They caught up with the boy.  Xander looked at him.  "Let me guess, they played roadblock, pulled up the fact that the queen owed them her life since one nearly took her when she was younger and prettier, and they claimed they had no idea where things were?"  Rodney grimaced but nodded.  Xander smiled.  "I'm making my point known later and there's a few watchers who would know what's in there.  There's a research council as I'm told."  Rodney smirked at that.  "Scientific in genetics and library oriented in strange crap.  They're in Leeds."  He opened up his phone to show him the email he had gotten.

Rodney took the phone and sent the email to his own address.  "Thank you.  That could be very helpful."  He saw the newly incoming message.  "From them?"

"I made my point known."  He smiled.

"How?" John asked.

"I pointed out they really should leave me alone and sent a very nice schematic I found online as an attachment.  It's to go in air conditioning vents."

"They can turn you in for that," Rodney warned.

"They can try, I can cite the death contract, especially since my bounty went up.  I can be as paranoid as they want."

John shook his head.  "Very little planning."

"Travers won't run but he will take the point since I sent it from a demon server," Xander said with a happy grin.  They shuddered.  "Exactly.  So, I need a beer after our near biological attacks today.  Am I buying the first round?"

"No, I will," John decided.  "Did you take anything for your side?"

"What's wrong with your side?" Rodney asked before they got to the pub.

"The potential I met with tried to stake me and couldn't.  I stitched it.  It's fine."  He held open the door.  "Tact before beauty."

"I get better women than you," John taunted as he walked in.

"I could've said age."  Xander walked up to the bar.  "I've had a shitty day.  What do you recommend to cure that that's slightly sweet?"

"I make a mean mai tai," he offered.  "That's rum."

"Decent."  John paid for their beers and Xander's drink, and they went back to a table to relax.  The yelling at the boxing match was amusing but Xander really wanted to relax.

"Why is it that you only fully relax in the noisiest of places?" Rodney asked him.

"Because people who traipse through the woods know that it's only silent when something that shouldn't happen is going to," John said, staring at the kid, who nodded, sipping his drink.  "So silence equals a bad thing."

"Usually an attack.  The patrol stuff was the same way.  The birds got silent when they were around.  Buffy hardly ever quit babbling about something or quipping as she fought, but the birds and crickets usually shut up when things started to go badly."

"I'd expect that with their...problems.  Their unnaturalness must have bothered them."  Xander nodded, taking another drink.  "Have you ever considered therapy?"

"Yes and then I realized if I did that, they might decide my past made me super bad."  He finished his drink.  "I doubt they'd let me have my laptop in the nut house and my little demented muses might run from the drugs."

"I've seen things online about muses being bunnies," John said.

Rodney gave him a horrified look.  "What *are* you reading?" he demanded.

"Not me."  He took a big gulp of his lager.  "A certain Marine from Nebraska," he started, making Rodney groan.  He knew who he was talking about.  "He has a friend who helps him keep track of things he's reading online.  Including Wormhole X-treme stories."

Xander smirked.  "I used to like that show but I hated how they ended it.  After the third season the characters got really plastic and unrealistic.  Buffy thought they were cute though."

"Did you know about that stuff they write online?" John asked.

"Yeah, Willow used to write it based on that show with the really young doc."  He smirked.

"He decided he was going to read over lunch.  In the mess," John told Rodney.  "Guess who walked behind him."

"Tey...."  Rodney trailed off so he wouldn't say her whole name.

John nodded.  "Her curiosity made her read over his shoulder for a minute.  Of course, when she got confused she didn't ask him.  We spent a delightful hour in my office with me explaining that stuff to her.  Including the thoughtful concept of Mpreg."  He finished his beer and waved the waitress over, paying for the next round too.  "His too," he said, with a nod at Xander's empty glass.

"Mai tai please," he said with a smile.  "We've had a crappy day."

"I can tell, boys."  She walked off to get their drinks, bringing them back.  "Here you go."  She walked off again.

"How did she take it?" Rodney asked.  "And does she know who it's based off of?"

"She does now.  She left the office with that pinched look that she gets sometimes."

"The nun in the strip club look," Rodney said, getting a smirk and a nod back.  He groaned.  "How did demented rabbits get into it?"

"Plot bunnies," Xander said.  "Like muses only with twitchy tails and noses.  It's one reason why Anya believed rabbits were evil."

Rodney burst out laughing.  "She was...was her and she was scared of rabbits?" he laughed.

"Yeah."  He smirked.  "Willow's got one to frogs.  By the way, yes, Willow can take that thought provoking subject and make it a reality.  She did for a friend's dog."  He sipped his new drink.

John held up a hand.  "Don't share, Xander.  Please?"

"Sure."  He grinned.  "How did she like it after that talk?"

"I told her to ask him.  Then I told him if I caught him reading it in public and had to explain that to someone else, he'd have a month of KP duties and I'd break his laptop on him.  He stammered but she did sit down to ask him questions about it.  Yes, he knew who they were based off of.  Apparently there's a hotly traveled underground for their stuff on the base."  Xander smirked at that.  "You know who they're based on?"

"Yeah and I know the demon equivalent.  It's much more interesting to see certain people squidd'd and tentacled."

"Eww," Rodney complained.  "That's a thought I didn't need."

"Especially since the stuff I found was you two?" Xander suggested.  Rodney ran for the bathroom.  "Sorry," he called after him.

"They are?" John asked, looking upset.

"Yeah.  They think his brain's so big he must be partially a demon.  They all think you like tentacles or you may be from a compatible species."

John shook his head.  "I do not want to see any of that on base."

"Not my doing."

"True.  I'll make sure that guy doesn't find those."  Xander took a napkin and his signing pen, handing him the address he wrote out.  "I'll lock that server out of ours.  Thanks, kid."  He put it into his pocket.  "How is our itinerary in Germany?"

"Get in, day free,  short signing in Berlin, move south that night via car or something.  They're supposed to pick us up.  Signing the next afternoon, then rest overnight, then a day and a half free but some traveling to the newest site that they're finalizing times on, an overnight there, then we move on late the next night on a redeye."

John nodded.  "Some time to sightsee but nothing too loose," he decided.

"I asked for them to not make it too tight and to give us some time to sightsee and relax since this is my first time over here.  That and I was worried about missed connections with all the stories about airline delays."  He frowned and patted himself down.  "I had my passport earlier.  I hope I dropped it in my room."

"If not, they're being very sneaky to help you stay available," he warned.

"I have a backup copy at home," he promised with a smirk.  "Tara can send it if I can't find it later."  John nodded at that, smiling some.  "Is he okay?"

"Probably."  He went to check.  Rodney was still puking.  This wasn't I'm disgusted puking either.  "Hey," he said, moving closer to him.  "Did you get drugged?"  He nodded between heaves.  He looked out at Xander but the kid wasn't at the table.  Or the bar.  Or in the middle of the crowd around the tv.  "Let me find him."  He walked out.

Xander was with the waitress who said she wanted him to sign something for their wall.  All the famous and semi-famous people did it.  He was staring at the banner and had pulled out his pen but John stopped him.  "What's wrong with Rodney?"

"He's not sure," he lied.

"Huh."  Xander looked at her.  "How about over here where there's no wires?"  She gave him a horrified look.  He signed it on the edge and smiled.  "Give the center spot to someone more famous."  He walked back to the table, sniffing Rodney's drink.  "That's annoying.  Who put lemon in it?"  John groaned, going to make sure Rodney had taken his epi pen shot.  Xander sat down, back to the wall while he watched the crowd.  Xander sniffed his own drink before taking a sip.  He saw the triumphant look and smiled, waving that waitress/assassin/watcher over.  "You do know that I'm immune to most poisons, right?  And that the mermaid taint means that no drug works right on me?" he asked quietly.  She stomped off.  He smirked, texting the nice Inspector about the bomb under that banner.  A few cops came in while he was waiting.  They looked at the banner and took it down, showing the bartender/owner, who hissed.  They had a short talk and the cops left with it.  The bartender came over.  "I noticed the wires," he told him.

"Your friend okay?"

"Someone put lemon zest in his beer and he's allergic," Xander said.  "He'll be fine I'm sure.  He probably has an epi pen."

The bartender looked relieved.  "I don't know who did this."

Xander waved a hand.  "It's cool.  I had someone who hated that I write demon hunters, dude.  They wanted to shoot me for making the demons noticeable.   Beyond that, I'm used to the weird and deadly; I tend to date it."  The man burst out laughing at that.  "Here, have Rodney's drink."  He handed it over.  "You should probably rinse mine pretty good too."  He handed that over.

"Thanks for not complaining, sir."

He smiled.  "Why would I complain?  I love the food here.  Your staff is nice and I doubt whoever did this is on your staff."  The man walked off smiling.   Xander finished John's beer on him, tasting the small sedative.  He went into the bathroom, washing his hands.  "The nice officers took care of the small explosive device," he told John.  "Your new beer had a sedative."  John growled.  "Mine had a drug I'm not sure of but I know it won't work right due to past biological exposures.  Can we get him back to the hotel?"

"Yeah, we can.  He's taken his allergy shot."

"Cool.  It's probably going to make him sleepy.  Want me to get a cab?"

"I will.  You stay with him."

"Sure."  Xander helped Rodney up.  "C'mon.  I make a good crutch."

"I'm fine."

"I know.  Still, being that pukey isn't good for your balance."  He walked him out, yawning a bit before they got to the cab.   John got Rodney in, then him, then got into the rear facing jump seat.  They went back to the hotel.  Xander went to his room and collapsed.  The sedative worked well even if the other stuff didn't.

John got Rodney settled and went to check on the kid.  He checked his pulse.  Still there.  "Must've found the sedative in mine," he decided.  He hooked up the memory copying machine.  If it wasn't a good copy, he'd try again once they got to Germany.  When the boy was rested, not drugged, and in less of a snit to protect them.  He'd have to talk to him about that.  He sat down at the desk, putting his feet up while he watched the machine and read the current thing on the boy's laptop.  It wasn't bad, even for not being edited.  He itched to fix a few things and eventually did fix a few typos but otherwise it was good.  Very good.  A bit insane but he was sure the DCIS world was like that anyway.  The machine beeped quietly so he got up to remove the leads from the boy's head.  Rodney could check the copy in the morning while he and the boy went on the tour.

***

Rodney looked up once their flight was in the air.  "It's full of psychidelic images," he said quietly.

"He was knocked out last night."

"I'm only reading," Xander muttered.  "You can talk to me instead of around me unless it's classified, and then I can get the telepathy spell from Tara or Willow if you need it."

"I know some who'd want that for team things if they could get it to work for them," Rodney said sarcastically.

"It'd make saving yourself easier."  He shut Xander's laptop on him, getting a dirty look.  "Why were you so sure that whatever was in my glass wouldn't hurt you?"

Xander sighed.  "Biological contamination back in high school."

"That answers exactly nothing," John told him smugly.

"Did you hear about the pretty Doc needing more swabs for a DNA anomaly?"

John shook his head but Rodney nodded quickly.  "That was yours?  She forwarded some since we have more geneticists on our project."

"Yup, taken when I had that broken rib and started to bleed internally.  The stick-up-her-butt Sam you guys have took it after they drained that excess energy from me," he said quietly.

"I doubt she likes that comparison," John told him.

"The other one was more fun," he defended.  "She laughed and played with the girls, all that stuff.  She even helped Doctor Z. tease the cooing, cuddly show in the lab."

"In the lab?" Rodney demanded quietly, looking horrified.  "My lab?"

"Her lab," Xander corrected.  "Though I think one picture might've been from your lab with a santa hat.  They told me how they did a secret santa thing one year."

"It sounds like they care for those around them," John decided.  "How, exactly, did that anomaly and the energy happen?"

Xander opened his laptop again, getting into a file.  He handed him the laptop.  John settled in to read and Xander pulled out his normal book to read.  Rodney was muttering so he handed him one he had picked up for him.

"Hawkings?" he said, looking at the title.  "They updated it.  Thank you, Xander."

"Figured you might not have gotten the updated one."  He shrugged.  "You guys all have to do the keeping updated thing I guess."  He smiled.  "It'll keep you from being bored when you're at that meeting tomorrow."

"Don't remind me," he complained.

"What meeting?" John asked, looking up at him.

"The *Board* wants to meet at the Nobel Institute tomorrow.  They said I could sightsee there since I'd never get to publish and see it the normal way."

"That's really cruel of them," Xander complained.  "Are they my ex's cheerleader sheep?"

"A few are women so they might be some of your other exes," John told him.

"No, none of my exes would be working on that sort of board.  Wall Street to ruin millions of lives as I found out but not on something scientific.  That might bring benefit to people."  He looked at Rodney.  "Why can't you publish stuff that's been dumbed down for the normal geniuses?"

"My contract said they have to approve of it," he said dryly.

"And you bringing science higher and more people to the field who can handle the unique needs instead of having to train them later on from the lesser genius levels wouldn't help them and you guys?"

"I have pointed that out.  They said it's a problem if people build upon my work and then they might find out."

"Then you recruit heavily, like the CIA does some of the lesser psychos for assassin duty.  I'm sure they do it in other cases."

"One genetic anomaly," John admitted.  He glanced around them but no one was paying any attention to them.  He looked at the kid again.  "We can't conscript."

"No but you can give them a better offer and I'm guessing most geeks would rather have their ideas proved than to have money and have to take themselves out of their bellybuttons to teach.  'Cause all geeks have that thinking through their buttholes problem sometime."

"Yes, I get to yell when the ones around me do that," Rodney said sarcastically, smirking at the boy.

"Then who yells at you?" Xander asked him.  John waved a hand with a smirk.  "Cool.  So maybe that story was right?"

"Don't make me beat you," Rodney warned.  Xander just smirked.  "He's the one who gets all the women on the base.  Not me."

"Pity.  Then again, I could come up and we'd find all the enemies faster," Xander offered.  He pulled something out of his bag, handing it over to him with a smile.  "Tell them I'm not that sort of smart and I'd blow up their minds for it.  Please?"

Rodney opened the letter, reading it.  "They can't do that for this."  He let John read it.

"I'll warn the Generals when we land," John said, putting it into his inner jacket pocket.  "Kid, how did you get into these situations?" he asked.

Xander shrugged.  "My town was like that.  Wait until you hear about the last thanksgiving we had in town."

John did a word search and found it, staring at the journal entry.  He read it a few times, then let Rodney read it so he could look at the kid.  "They did what?" he asked quietly.

Xander shrugged.  "I have no idea how.  It seems that things like that happen to me."

"Can they find it?"

"Ask the pretty doctor.  She never mentioned if she was looking at that infection."

John gave him a stare.  "What happens if they can and someone tries?"

Xander shrugged.  "I kick their asses?" he muttered.  "Then I run away?"

"Yeah, like that'll work on some of them.  Have we thought about preventative measures?"

"Yeah, but I have my friends to get me into dangerous situations every single spring."

John moaned, rubbing his head, leaning back in his seat.  "So not the point, kid."

"It's fine."

Rodney looked at him.  "I'll call once we land," he assured John.  "You couldn't tell us?"

"I didn't think it'd matter?  I got better."

Rodney shifted, staring at him.  "Change with me, John."  They changed seats and Rodney explained how you distilled a virus from someone's blood when they had it.  Xander groaned, rubbing his forehead.  "So, we're rightly worried since you had that disease."

"It only made me sick for a few hours."

"It may not matter," John told him.

Xander shrugged.  "How would I know?  I'm science stupid, guys.  Really."

Rodney patted him on the head.  "Even chimps can be taught.  You're not that bad."

Xander stared at him.  "I blew up our chemistry lab without it being a chemical mixy day."

"That takes skill," Rodney said.  "How did you do that?"

"They wanted us to freeze our snails after we had dissected them.  The liquid nitrogen my partner was trying to hit me with hit the chemicals.  I got blamed because I ducked the severe cold burns."

"That's not your fault, it's his."

"They said it was mine."

"They're morons," Rodney said.

"Well, technically, he was at grad," he muttered.  "Now he's kinda post-kibble wherever they took the Mayor."

Rodney shuddered.  "Is there any video of it?"

"There's a Society to Preserve the Memories of Our Beloved Mayor," Xander said dryly, giving him a look.  "They confiscated it.  It's possible the FBI has the investigative tapes.  The guy who I turned that cult into had some."

"I'll email him as well," he decided.  They hit a patch of turbulence and he gripped the arms of the seat.  "You do this so much better," he told John.

"Yeah, well, my planes have always been smaller too."  He looked at the kid.  "You okay?"

"I've only flown a few times but I seem to know about turbulence.  I took bromine too."

"Good idea," he agreed.  "Tighten your belt."  Xander did that.  They rode out the storm below them and it was nicer.  "Okay."  He looked at the kid, who was a bit pale but not showing any other signs of air sickness.  "Get a soda?" he suggested quietly.

"No thanks."  He tipped his chair back the few inches it could go.  Rodney gave him a look.  "Wake me up when we get there?"

"Of course."  Rodney waited until the kid was snoring to look at his teammate.  "Well."

"Why would his chemistry class be dissecting snails?"

"I have no earthly idea," Rodney said grimly.  "Or in any other galaxy."  John snickered quietly.  "We'll have to tell Doctor Lam about that."

"It'll be fine."

"Did you have fun watching the machine run last night?"

"Loads," he said dryly.  "I read the new one he was working on too."

"Any good?"

"DCIS is very strange and exciting."

"Ah."  He relaxed and got his own drink.  He could use some coffee.  The stewardess looked familiar.  He stared at her.  "Didn't we see you at the pub?" he asked her.  She blanched and left.

John sipped his coffee, shaking his head.  "Orange."

"Charming.  Have it."

"Thanks."  John sipped it.  At least this one wasn't drugged.  He could stand orange mocha coffee.  Xander snorted and whimpered, shifting some.  "Get him."

"No nightmares," Rodney ordered, shaking him.  Xander woke with a flinch.  "Nightmares?" he asked bluntly.

"Yeah, a few.  Thanks."  He flipped onto his side and went back to sleep.  He didn't want to think about Glory's fight today.  He was going to get to sightsee a whole new city later on.

John stared at him.  "He didn't have those last night," he said quietly.

"He had your sedative-laced beer."

"True."  He finished his coffee and smiled his most charming smile at the nearest stewardess.  "Can we both have some water and him a coffee?"  She nodded, going to get it for him.  "Thank you," he said with a smile, getting one and a wink back.  She went to check on some other people.

Another one walked past a minute later.  "Can we move him back into his seat?" she asked.

"We can try," Rodney said, putting a hand on the boy's arm.  He got a growl.  "Xander."  The boy flipped in the other direction.  He nuzzled into Rodney's side, earning him a dirty look.  "Thank you."

"Well, he said he liked them snarky, mean, and only slightly evil in guys," John quipped.  Rodney hit him on the arm.  The stewardess smiled at their playing.

Rodney gave the boy another nudge, making him flip back to the other side and purr.  The woman across from them smiled at them.  "He's single."

"I know."  She held up her badge.  "What are you two doing here?"

"Guarding him," John said.  "You?"

"Going to a meeting tomorrow."

Rodney stared at her.  "Good luck with that."

"He's adorable."

"He dates psychos," John offered.  "We can let him find you one."

"Why ruin a working vacation with the evils of paperwork?' she taunted.  She opened her magazine and got back into it.  She'd ignore the purring at her.  Apparently he liked dangerous women and she suited him.  The stewardess came back but right about then they hit a patch of turbulence and Xander fell out of his seat.  He nuzzled up to the agent's bag and petted her service weapon.  She giggled but John moaned, getting up to get the kid back awake and into his seat.

Rodney watched and smirked at him for that move.  It was genius of the boy if he had planned it.

***

Rodney got off the phone with their main base and looked at the two waiting people.  "She said she could, did, and they thought about installing something but that they couldn't without his authority."

"I have apocalypse season for that," Xander said bluntly.  "Until then, I can kick some butt."

John shook his head.  "You're not going anywhere unescorted."

"Sure, I'm going clubbing tonight.  You can come watch me hit on women."  He shrugged and grabbed his bags again.  "Can we go?"  They nodded, heading for the exits.  Their driver was waiting on them.  "Why do I rate a driver?" Xander asked him.

"Your agent said it would cut down on the problems, sir."

"Cool.  Am I paying you or is she?"

"She is.  She said it was necessary since you ended up having so many problems getting around in London."

Xander smiled.  "It's cool.  I got lost in some touristy areas.  But I won't turn down a ride to the hotel."  He nodded, letting them inside so he could take them off.  He looked around.  "Wow, wasn't this used in a Bond movie?"

"I think it was this make and model," John said, looking at the backseat.  He nudged Rodney and pointed at an access hatch.  He looked at it while Xander stared around them like Berlin was a toy store at Christmas.  John was liking the city's views too.  It was very pretty.  When the small nozzle came out, Xander spit out his gum and nudged Rodney to take it.  Rodney plugged the nozzle.  John rolled down the window.  Yeah, it was just like home sometimes.  The driver finally got them to their hotel when Rodney complained about needing to sleep from the trip instead of sightseeing.  They went inside and settled into their room.  John took Xander's bug detector to run over the room.  Rodney got online to check in with their main base.  Xander called his agent to talk to her about their driver.

Then they could rest and go find trouble later.

***

It was their last day in Germany.   It was a pretty but slightly chilly day.  Very sunny.  He and John had went sightseeing before the signing they had in about a half hour while Rodney had checked the latest copy of the brain scan machine.  Xander paused, listening around.  "John," he said, stopping him.  John stared at him.  "Hear that?"

He looked around, listening.  "Someone in pain."  They walked up the street and Xander spotted her in an alley.  "Ma'am," John said.  "Are you all right?"

Xander moved carefully closer.  "I'm American, are you okay?" he asked.  She bit her lip and shook her head.  "Speak English?"  She nodded, staring at him.  "Did someone mug you?"

"No!" she said, letting out a scream at the end.

"Oh, shit, you're in labor," Xander said.  He looked at John, who had the local emergency numbers.  "Okay..... um.  Well, I've had some field medic classes but I don't remember anything on this," he said, making her cry.  "Shh.  We'll do what we can until help gets here."  He looked around.  "John, what shops are around?"

"Closed," he said.  He looked across the street.  "The emergency number's still busy, Xander.  They said the towers and lines were down after that storm last night."

"Shit!"  He looked at her, smiling some.  "So we'll handle it.  Flag down a cop or something."

"I can help."

"Ever done this?"

"No."

"I can do basic medical things like stitching."  Xander looked at him.  "Go flag down someone."  He went to do that.  Xander looked at her. "I'm good enough to stitch wounds, I can help you.  I'm told that mothers mostly know what they're doing, even though I've never seen more than a delivery on the discovery channel."  She let out a bitter laugh.  "Did you take lamaze or anything?"  She shook her head.  "Okay.  Well...  I'm thinking practical here.  I don't want to do this, but the baby probably doesn't want to come out inside the pantyhose.  You're not my usual sort of girl because you're not evil so I'm not going to grope or anything, all right?"

She nodded.  "Please," she gasped, grabbing his arms.  "Ow."

"I know.   I saw that it hurt even the elephant and giraffe mommies."  She let out a laugh.  "We'll get this and pray like hell to each and every God and Goddess that help gets here soon."  She nodded frantically.  "Um.  Your stomach is rippling."

"I need to push," she panted.

"Okay.  I can do this."  He got her stripped, using her skirt to cover her groin region so he didn't have to look too much.  He didn't want to seem like he was staring.   That would be really rude and awkward if she thought he was hitting on her in the middle of her delivery.  "So, married?  Come here often?" he quipped, making her laugh.  "Sorry, trying to break the tension because I can see hair.  John!  I can see hair!"  He bit his lip, looking up at her.  "You ready to be called Mommy and have a teenager in thirteen years?"

"No, but it's not going to be so bad."

"Hey, if it's a girl, you can make sure never does this," he teased.

She shook her head.  "He'd better not!"  She let out a scream, clawing up his arms.

"John, she needs some hand holding."  He came jogging back to help.  "Okay.  I see really a whole lot of hair," he told her.  "I'm hoping that's her head."  The mother laughed, nodding.  "Okay.  Let me....let me try to catch her.  I'm not groping," he assured her.

"Ow," she told John.  "You're very calm."

"I'm a pilot.  This is nothing compared to crash training," he assured her.  "Just breathe.  They all say to breathe when they show it on tv."  She nodded, panting while Xander was helping the baby out.

"Push," Xander ordered.  "It's a bit stuck."  She grunted and pushed.  He'd ignore the nasty stuff coming out.  Someone came jogging.  "Rodney, go be annoying and get us someone more qualified unless you can deliver babies!" he shouted when he spotted him.

"How do you two get into these situations!" he shouted, going to find someone, anyone, who could help them before the two idiots in there lost what was left of their minds.  He saw an officer and flagged him down.  "We have a woman in labor," he told him.  He said something in German, looking confused.  Rodney hauled him out of the car and to the alley, pointing.   He called in through his radio, coming to help.  "He only speaks German!" he shouted.  He stayed where he was.  He did not want to witness the supposed miracle of childbirth or the nastiness that followed.

Xander looked up at her.  "Translate?"  She said something to him.  "I need to know what to do with the cord."  He lifted the baby up.  "One chilly, slightly blue baby."  The cop nudged him and handed him his cellphone.  "English?" he asked plaintively.  "Please?"  He listened.  "He's out, I need to cut the cord, he's a bit blue and it's freezing out here."  He looked at John.  "Anything that can act as a clamp or a tourniquet?  They're saying shoe laces, anything?"

"Tie clip," he said, taking it off and offering it to him.

Xander used it to clamp off on the baby's side.  Then he pulled his knife, cutting right above it.  "Okay, he's free."  He handed John the knife.  "Clean that for me."  He swept the baby's mouth and breathed like they had taught him in CPR.  He did it again when the baby didn't cry.  This time he got screamed at.  He relaxed.  "Okay, we're breathing."  He took off his jacket to wrap the baby in.  The mother took him gently.  "There you go."  He listened.  "Um...  Yes, the nastiness is coming out in a huge lump of flesh.  Why?"  He nodded, easing it out.  "Okay."  He put it on her panties and pantyhose.  "Okay.  How soon?"  He handed the phone back because they needed an address to send the ambulance to.  Xander looked at himself then grimaced.  "I need to change."  The mother laughed, crying on her baby.  "You two will be fine," he promised gently, covering her better now.  "He's getting you an ambulance."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."  He smiled.  "I hope he's really healthy and all that.  That he's a good credit to your family."  He stood up, trying to wipe his hands off.  "Now that I know how to do this, I'll have to reread that section."  She laughed.  "Not like any of my friends have had kids.  If they did, I figured I'd have enough time to read up on it in case this happened."  He looked at her.  "I'm going to leave you with the officer, all right?"

"Thank you.  What's your name?"

"Me?  I'm an Alexander and this is a John."  He smiled.  "You have a happy time."  He walked out, finding Rodney giving them horrified looks.  "Not my fault," he complained.

"Only you two can get into those situations," he said bluntly.  The officer laughed when the person on the phone told him he had said that.  "You're late."

"Crap."  He looked around and said the name of the bookstore to the officer, who pointed.  "All yours."  He walked off, John following.  He wasn't as disgusting, only gotten some things on him from the alley.  Xander saw the line out front and winced.  "Back entrance," he muttered.  He saw someone looking his way.  "Paula!"  She glared at him.  Then she gaped in horror.  "Long story!"

"Tell me you didn't get injured," she ordered, stomping over.

"No, I just delivered a baby."  She slumped, shaking her head, muttering about owing someone money.  "Rodney, I've got a bag in the car.  Is there a bathroom inside I can clean up in?" he asked her.

"Yes but I don't want you going in there looking like that."

"Do they have a back door?" John asked.

"Beyond the fence," she said with a point.

"Good deal," Xander agreed.  He jogged that way and hopped up onto a dumpster to grab the top of the fence.  The sticky, slick blood wasn't helping but that was fine.  He slid down the other side, narrowly missing the trash cans.  The worker out there gave him a horrified look.  "Hi, just delivered a baby.  Can I clean up before I sign books?  I'm Alexian Harris."

"Yes, sir, this way," she said, leading him to the bathroom.  She went to tell the manager, who Paula was telling.  He had seemed very calm to her, which wasn't what she expected of a fiction writer.

John looked at the gathered fans.  "Mr. Harris was just helping a young woman who was having a medical problem.  He needs to clean up and change clothes," he said firmly.  "Give him about twenty more minutes please?"  The crowd calmed down.  The other authors gave him the funniest looks.  "The woman was delivering," he said quietly.

"Only him," one of them muttered.

Rodney came in and handed Paula the bag.  She went to dress Xander.  Even if she wasn't impressed with his normal people clothes.

Xander came out in a t-shirt and jeans, boots, and no ugly overshirt this time.  He sat down and smiled at the soda waiting on him.  "Sorry, it was unavoidable," he told his fans.  They cheered.  "Who's first for me?"  They surged forward and helped him.

John got called out to the front of the store, taking his tie clip back from the officer and his partner.  "Thank you."

"She'll be fine.  The paramedics said she'll be okay," his partner told him.

"Thank you.  He'll be happy to know that."

"Who is he?" the partner translated.  "For our report."

John smiled, handing over his Air Force ID.  "He's Alexian Harris."  The officers nodded and wrote that out.  He had to deny he was a helpful boyfriend by telling them about the death threats and being a bodyguard.  They nodded, understanding that need.  John signed off on the report and they left.  John put the bagged tie clip into his pocket.  Rodney looked at him.  "The report," he said quietly.  Paula stared at him.  "Colonel John Sheppard."

"I heard."  She shook his hand.  "Baby?"

"Yes.  Little boy.  The paramedics said he's going to be okay."

She nodded.  "Are you a trouble magnet like him?"

"No.  Not hardly."  She relaxed.  "We were sightseeing."

"Things like that happen around Xander," she assured him.  "Are you staying during the rest of the tour?"

"I haven't discussed that yet, ma'am."

"Do so tonight.  You've been good to and with him.  He's not moping about having no one to babble at."  She walked off to hand Xander another pen.  He favored one brand for signing.  It kept his hand from cramping.  He smiled at her.  She moved out of the way.  Some of his fans were the panting, bosom heaving sorts who wanted to throw themselves at him.

Xander looked up after an hour, smiling at his next fan.  "Hi.  Who do I make it out to?"

"Your wife."

"No, I'm not married, miss."

"Yes you are!  Say you are!" she demanded, pulling a knife.

Rodney nudged John where he was talking to a cute coed.  He pointed.  John walked over and pulled her away from the table.  Rodney took the knife and Xander sighed, looking unhappy.  "It's not like you usually draw psychos," Rodney taunted.

"My usual sort aren't that insistent to me."

"Is that why they try to kill you?" Rodney asked.

"Yup."  He smiled at the next one.  "You're not that mean, right?" he asked, smiling at her.

"I'd stop with a hug."  He let her hug him and take a picture then he signed her book.  The rest were happier with it.  That one looked at John.  "His boyfriend?"

"No, his bodyguard," he said with a smile.  "I'm single, miss."

"Aww."  She pinched him on the cheek and left.

Rodney looked at him.  "Can you never stop flirting?"

"I wasn't flirting."

"Sure you weren't."

"Boys," Paula complained.

John smirked at her.  "Not quite."

She huffed over to Xander, getting him another drink.  "That way you can babble at people."

He pulled her down to hug her.  "I'm sorry I was late and worried you."  He smiled at the pouting fans.  "My agent Paula.  She was worried about me."  They cooed and he took the next fan's book.  "Who should I sign it to?" he asked.  She frowned.  He repeated it in German.  He had learned that phrase in each of the countries they were going to visit.  That way his fans wouldn't pout.  It was good to get back into normal things.  Threats, bad girls, and insanity was much more his style than child birth and crazy fans.

***

John was beamed back to General Landry's office, saluting him.  "Sir."

"We got the memories from the machine, Colonel.  It couldn't get any clearer?"

"That was after six tries, sir."

"Oh.  I see."  He looked him over.  "Going to dinner?"

"His fans are slightly insane.  He had two today who wanted him to kidnap them like a pirate."

"I thought he wrote elves," Cam Mitchell said from his spot on the filing cabinet.

"He does.  Plus the new DCIS series."  He gave him a look.  "That was after the baby delivery earlier."

"Someone gave him theirs?" Landry guessed.  Jack had said the kid was like a younger him sometimes and that might happen to him.

"No, we were on our way to the signing after some very mild sightseeing and ran into a woman in labor in an alleyway.  Their 911 wasn't working."

"Oh, damn," Cam muttered.

"I only let her claw up my arms."  He looked at the general.  "Do you want McKay to try again?  Xander's not against it.  He has had the kid drawing out the ones he knows and sees most clearly each night."

"I've gotten those," General Landry said, smiling at him.  "Relax."

"He's probably talking McKay into going to a club.  Where he'll have sex in a bathroom with a girl that I'd be worried had weapons, nearly get taken by her and at least one other person, and then we'd have to deal with it before we leave late tonight."

Landry moaned.  "Is he really that much trouble?"

"It's nothing he does.  Honestly, it's nothing he's done.  Now and then he's a bit squee-ish."

"Squee-ish?" Landry asked.

"As he taught us, that squeal fangirls make is called a squee.  We ran into one of his favorite authors and he went totally bouncy fanboy on him.  Even McKay had to smile at that.  The author gushed back about the new series."

Cam snickered.  "Sounds like fun."

"Honestly, the kid's a good kid.  He's good on following orders, protecting himself, taking precautions.  He's a smart boy that has minimal training."  He looked at them, shrugging.  "But sometimes the girls he attracts, they're evil.  I've handed two to police for trying to stab him after sex.  A few that tried at signings.  When we got drugged one night due to that contract out on him, he helped us and passed out once we got back to the hotel rooms.  It's not a hard job."

"How many more schematics does he have stashed in his head?" Landry asked.

"We could be doing this for years."  He sighed, sitting down.  "Did you get the dossier on the memories he sucked up that halloween?"

"O'Neill got it for me," Landry said.  "He said he trained him."

"Xander's memories from that night have ...according to McKay they're integrated but not fully like they're his."  They nodded.  "That included tactics, artillery, weapons skills.  He's good at taking his own precautions, but sometimes he's twenty-one and he gets caught up in things."

"Which I'd expect at his age," Landry said.  "McKay said he was more like a kid between you and O'Neill."

"Don't suggest that out loud, sir.  We found out his friend Rosenburg can do that.  We got into a talk about a certain Marine's fanfiction habit.  Xander explained how plot bunnies worked to McKay, who's had nightmares about them since that talk.  It came out she had helped out a friend with a male dog to have puppies."  He shuddered.  Cam curled up and shuddered.  "He's so very warped at times, but then others he's twenty-one, trying hard to not enjoy all the fame so it can't go to his head and out his past."

"So you want to stay?" Cam asked him.

"If not, someone's going to have to make sure the heiress in Hong Kong who wants him can't kidnap him.  Oh, and we've run into the Council on two flights, and a few other places.  They know enough to try to dose Rodney with something citrus, me with a sedative, and him with stuff that never seems to work on him."

"It has a few times," Cam warned him.  "McKay sent back blood each time."  He handed over the stack of reports.  "Also, we heard rumors that the Council got attacked."

"We heard that and Xander retired to cackle but he claims he didn't ask."

"He didn't.  Tara got a bit pissed and sicced some of his poker buddies on them."  He shifted.  "She seems very sweet but she got upset and protective.  She spent the next day crying on her aunt's shoulder because she had to be mean."

"I'll tell him that so he can calm her down."  He stretched.  "I don't know, sir."

"Do you want to continue to debrief him further?"

"I've been ducking that rumor for weeks," he said dryly.  "Oh, we need to black out a web domain from both servers, sir."  He dug it out and handed it over.  "Demon fiction.  They like to make believe McKay is a higher demon and I'm either a compatible sort or I like tentacles."

"What?" he asked, looking confused.

"Like that fanfiction underground?" Cam asked.

"Yes, and you and I end up being the same species when they make us demons.   They like you to be the stud of this base."   He smirked at him.  "How are O'Neill, Jackson, Vala, Carter, Lam, and the little geekette in Botany?"

"Eww," Cam said, shaking his head quickly.  "Please block that out, sir."

"Before I have to explain this sort of fanfiction to Teyla," John finished.

"Has anyone we know read it?" Cam pouted.

"McKay couldn't sleep a few nights back so he investigated.  Our supposed species is very dominant and likes to shove our mates into walls to have fast, dirty fun.  According to them, Vala is nearly in heat weekly."  He smirked at him.

"She's pouting because she wants Harris back," he shot back.

"I wouldn't have to worry about her killing him.  Probably?"

"Probably not," he agreed.  "Please block that, sir, before Jackson or O'Neill run into it?"

"Too late on Jackson's part.  McKay found out he had reviewed one about how unlikely the sex was because that hallway was monitored by ten cameras."

"One of the ones here is writing this?" General Landry asked.

"No, not that he could find.  Ask Jackson, sir," Sheppard said with a smile.

Landry looked out to his assistant.  "Tell Jackson I want to know if the writer of the demon story he reviewed is on this base."  He looked at the two troublesome colonels under him again.  "I'll have it blocked."

"Thank you, sir.  I don't want to give anyone any more thoughts," Cam complained.

"Especially that one geekette in botany?" John guessed.

"Especially her, yeah.  How...."

He shrugged.  "Someone told Ronon."

"Why did someone tell your teammate, the big, grunting, warrior with too many weapons, that the botanist had a crush on me?"

"I think she requested a transfer and it was a warning that she might try to flirt with him."

"Hey, if you want...."

"No," Landry said.  "She withdrew it."

"Damn."

Sheppard smirked at him.  "Want to come to Hong Kong?  We've got a problem heiress who's threatened to steal him if she can't have him for dinner."

"Is she a cannibal?" he countered.

"We don't know but she's one of those supposed celebrities who's famous because she's rich and can't figure out that Victoria's Secret sells panties as well as the trashy lingerie or push up bras."

"Dog?"

"Two cats.  Siamese."

"Oh, her.  I saw her picture the other day on something I was trying to kill time by reading."

"I've denied being his tolerant, spoiling boyfriend.  You could do that and save him a lot of problems."

"That would get back to my ladies.  They'd be horribly disappointed."

"It's that or I've got to offer up McKay, who might be his type but Xander said to find him a more action oriented guy like him since he's too smart for him."

"What about all those evil girls of his?" Cam asked.  "Did they finally make him decide to switch?"

"He's been bi.  His agent told us to please find him someone to cover before she got pissed at him and tries to openly kill him.  Though, she was very drunk the night after we delivered that baby."  He shifted.  "Did McKay note that he stitched his own side?"

"Yup," Landry said dryly.  "Is it healing all right?"

"Yes.  We think.  He won't let us check it for him."

"So he's more stubborn than you both are?"

"Combined, sir.  Us, O'Neill, Jackson, and Ronon combined."

"Understood.  Do you want to continue?"

"If not,  we need to help him find someone who will go places with him, listen to him gush about what he saw, and remind him to eat.  I wouldn't trust anyone not military trained.  There's no telling who'd try to keep the kid.  Speaking of, we had to tell him about how we could distill possible biological weapons from his blood."  Landry shuddered.  "Also, sir, McKay and I got to not only tell the IOA off for their shitty problem calling a meeting at the Nobel Institute because Rodney might never see it the regular way, but also for trying to claim the boy.  They're having a little problem in the press."  Landry shuddered.

"We were wondering about that," Cam said, smirking at him.  "Good job!"

"They pissed him off, they pissed McKay off, and then they pissed me off so I refined the kid's plans.  They're going to be very sorry."

Cam cackled.  "That's so evil."

Daniel knocked and walked in.  "What's going on?"

"The IOA tried to humiliate and hurt McKay, and then tried to claim the boy's allegiance."

"Is the writer of that story that has me and him as demons on this base?" Cam asked.

"No.  He's the little brother of one of the cooks.  She told him to reimagine his setting.  Apparently he's a seer and has seen us working now and then.  John, how's Xander?"

"He's okay we think.  He won't let us check his wounds.  We ended up delivering a baby the other day before a signing.  He's got some heiress in Hong Kong who wants to kidnap and keep him.  Do we have any idea why we get the funny images from the copier?"

"Yes.  He's absorbing any past memories that're left in there."  He sat down.  "We noticed one of the schematics got mixed up with something Cam had done."  Cam moaned.  "We've cleaned it of everything in the memory banks and sent it back to Rodney."

Sheppard smiled.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."

"Will he keep those?" Cam asked.

"No, they appear to have not stuck.  He's only gotten yours once.  Or at least it's only shown up once.  Sam's fascinated at the problem he's having."

"I doubt he'd let her test him," John said.  "Unless she wants to come play a supposed girlfriend to keep the heiress away from him."

"That bad?" Daniel asked.

"The one with the cats in the papers the other day," Cam told him.

"She's been talking about leash training him like she does the cats and sent him some panties she said she wore in a photo op.  He had McKay's help writing the letter back so it was brusque and not fully insulting but enough to drive her off," John told them.

"Permission to stay until the end of the signing, Colonel.  Are we foreseeing more attempts on his life in Asia?"

"Yes.  That supposed stewardess is probably going to show back up.  She keeps getting away before we can have her arrested."  His phone rang.  He looked at it.  "There's no way I'm getting a cellphone signal down here."  He answered it.  "Yeah?"  He smiled.  "Hi, Tara.  I figured it had to be one of you since I'm underground."  He listened.  "Really?  Sure, I can hold him down and check on that for him.  Why do you think it's infected?"  He smirked.  "That's very good to know.  Anything else that telltale is showing?"  He smiled.  "I can ask him about that.  I promise, Tara.  It'll be okay.  I'll tie him down and have a look at that thing on his side.  Oh, not the staking wound.  Which one that he didn't tell us about?"  She squeaked and hung up.  He smirked, putting it back into his pocket.   "McKay and I need to have a talk about him paying more attention."

Daniel patted him on the back.  "It could be worse."

"Yeah, he could be quintuplets and only two of us."  He stood up.  "Let me get back there to tie him down and check his injuries.  With your permission, sir?"

"Go," Landry agreed.  John saluted and called to be beamed back.  "Maybe the boy is worse than your team, Mitchell."

"I'm not that stubborn," Cam said, standing up.

"I can be but usually I have a good reason," Daniel said.

"I'm blocking that server from the base," he told him.

"The cook told me so I could check her son's writing to make sure he wasn't getting into anything too classified."  He stood up and smiled.  "It's definitely different."

"Sheppard said one of the guys up there was reading slash Wormhole stuff and Teyla read it over his shoulder," Cam teased.  "He had to explain that and Mpreg to her."

"Thank God we can't do that," Daniel said dryly.

"He said Harris said Rosenburg could," Landry said dryly.  "Dry that pipeline up too before O'Neill has to come back to smack heads around."

"I'd love to, sir, but I can't find all the sources," Cam complained.  "Personally I don't care what they read as long as I'm not in it."

"Ditto," Daniel said with a smirk for his teammate.  "What's wrong?  The demon ones get to you?"

"Yes!  I don't want to be a base stud."  He walked out shaking his head.

Daniel smiled and followed.  "It could be worse.  It could be us."

"Are you sure there's not?" he asked dryly.  "McKay found some where it was."

"You're right, that's disturbing.  We should tell Vala to gross her out."

"She might think it's a hint," he said bluntly.  "Hell no!"

"Fine."  He smirked.  Watching Cam be disgusted by women was fun.  "Some of it is better written than the show was or some professional books are."

"Enough, Jackson, before I tell her you want to enact some of it.  Or worse, Doctor Lam."

"Sure.  They'd hunt down the people and beat them," he said at Cam's dirty look.

"And put you back in the psych ward."

"That's a possible downside but I doubt it'd happen.  They might beat me but I found one with Teal'c and Ronon.  Vala would protect me to get that one."

"I'll tell Teal'c where she got it."

"Damn.  Fine."

"Thank you!"  He walked into the infirmary.  "Doc, that underground of fiction needs to stop."

"Why tell me?" she asked, coming out of her office.

"There's demon based ones that think I'm a base stud."

She burst out cackling.  "You?"  Daniel pulled it up on her computer.  She stared at it, then at them.  "This is not good."

"No, it's not good.  We need it to stop."

"Tell Carter to see who's computers have accessed that server."

"They'll come in here to you."

"Thank you for warning me you're going to give me more work."

He smirked.  "The kid's injured and ignoring it."

She growled.  "He's what?"

"He stitched his own side," Cam told her.

"I should find the boy and spank him."

"That might save him from the heiress who wants to turn him into her cat," Daniel offered.

She smiled.  "Let me call Sheppard."

"They also got to deliver a baby for someone," Cam said with a smile.

"Aww.  That's sweet of them."  She moved to her desk to call Sheppard's phone while looking over that site.  She had a program that would download the whole thing so she wouldn't have to worry about it.

Cam and Daniel went to Sam Carter's lab.  Daniel shoved her out of the way of her keyboard, opening a new browser window to open that site.  She glared until Cam pointed.  "They think you're my bitch, Carter."

She glared at him.  "Not hardly."

"We all agree, we want that shut down before it gets worse than the other fiction river we have."

She moved Daniel to read.  She looked at them.  "We're joking?"

"Nope."  Daniel smiled.  "They love you a lot but they like you being girly from what I saw when I was looking for breaks in classified information."

She growled, reading the first few.  "Oh, hell no!"  She glared at Cam, who only smirked.  "Are you really demonic?"

"No.  Can't say I am.  Sheppard was amused when Harris told him and McKay, who looked it over to see how bad it was."

"There's a fairly well written one that's Teal'c and Ronon," Daniel told her.

"I don't need that mental image!" she complained, swatting him.  She locked out that site in the system.  Then she started a search of who had accessed it.

"I showed Doctor Lam so she'd know why she was going to get crying and whining people," Daniel told her.

"Good."  She removed that name from her list and went to hunt down the others so she could confiscate things.  That was just *wrong*!

Cam and Daniel smirked at each other.  She'd do the hard work for them.  They could get back to their real work while she hunted people down to show the displeasure of her PMS.

***

Sheppard reappeared.   "Harris," he said smoothly.

"That voice usually makes half the city run," McKay instructed.

"Let him try," John smirked.

"What did he do?"

"Tara's got a health telltale that was showing the start of an infection."  He moved closer.

"You're doing stalking menace very well," Xander said with a smile.  "But I cleaned it earlier."

"It's not on your side, kid.  When would that have happened?" he asked dryly.

"Um....  Huh.  Oh, uh, second day in England."

"I saw you shirtless."

"It's on my thigh."

"She said it's on your lower back."

"That's a scratch from the pub!"

"Off.  Now."

"I thought you were denying those rumors," McKay taunted, smirking at his laptop.

"It'll only be a pleasure if he tries to run," John said dryly.  "Xander."  Xander sighed but stood up and stripped off his shirt.  "And the others since you said you have one on your thigh."

"I'm commando.  Did you *really* want that much of a peek?  Because there's probably video from my roadtrip when I had to strip a few times."

Rodney looked at him, typing by feel.  "You did?"

"Yes.  The car was broken down," he sighed.  "I had to or I would've been fired."  He looked at John.  "I cleaned them."

He pulled him over by grabbing his arm and held him down by the back of his neck while he looked at the injuries.   "Better technique than even Carson has," McKay taunted.

"Cute, really," John said sarcastically, glaring at his friend.  He looked at the cuts.  They were newly cleaned and still looked infected.   Doctor Lam showed up with Vala for some reason.  "Ladies."

"Awww, you caught him for us, we don't have to chase him down," Vala complained.

"Have him," he said, hauling Rodney up.  "We'll be next door in our room.   You two can make sure he knows he's supposed to let us know in case it affects defending him."  He walked Rodney out, letting the doctor close the door behind him.

Rodney's head popped up ten minutes later at the first groan.  "I don't think that was a punishment."

"You never know.  Some people are kinky," John said from his spot on his bed with a book.  He smacked the book into the wall when they got too loud.  "I'm going to tell Cam about this."

Rodney snickered.  "I'm sure he'll be enlightened."  He looked over at one very loud noise.  "I hope that's groaning because he failed to please them.  If not, their next one might have too much to overcome."

"I think that was his groan," John told him.  "Not theirs."

"Oh, shit!" Xander yelped.  "Guys, do you want this stewardess chick?" he called.  "The homicidal one who wants to kill you two?"

"Sure," John called, going to get her.  Vala was giggling in a corner.  The doctor was glaring at her.  He hauled her up.  "Thanks.  She say anything?"

"She works for the heiress," Doctor Lam said dryly.

"Ah."  He walked her off, going to take her to the hotel security office.  "She's tracked us across four countries, pretended to be a member of a few flight's crew, and has tried to drug or kill both me and McKay," he said, handing her over.  "Can you have her arrested?"

"Yes, sir."  John smiled and walked off.  He looked at her.  "She won't be pleased," he hissed at her.  "She'll kill you."  Two cops walked in.  "Officers," he said, straightening up.

"Sir, we were told that this young lady has tried to kill people."  He handed her over.  "We'll be talking to you too because we just heard," he said with a smug look.

John walked back into their room.  "The stewardess is related to the heiress."

"Vala's agreeing to get to Hong Kong with us and then leave."  He smirked.  "I called the police for you."

"Thanks.  They arrested her and the hotel security guy for working for her."

"Wonderful."  He handed over the bug sensor.  John ran it over their room.  The two they found he went to hand to the police.  They'd get the kid up for dinner and their flight out later.

***

Xander smiled and put his arm around Vala's waist.  "Just smile," he whispered.  He smiled at the reporters waiting to ambush them.  The other authors came out and put on sunglasses, pushing past them.  "Guys, why are we such big news this time?"

"Sir, the head of the biggest local entertainment chain's daughter was arrested for stalking you."

"Yes, I remember her minions."  He smiled at Vala, who grinned back.  Then he smiled at them.  "She tried to poach me.  She even sent letters about wanting to collar me like her cats."

One of the reporters snapped another picture.  "Is this your girlfriend?" he asked.

"No comment."  He winked and walked her off.  Once they were in the van she giggled.   "It's nice they arrested her too."

"Did they say her father was mad about it?" John asked.

"Nope."

"Good.  One less worry."  He got comfortable.  "What's our schedule here?"

"Four days, two signings.  Then a puddle hopper to the one in Japan."  They all nodded at that.  "I didn't book any tours or anything.  Did anyone else?"

"We've all been here, Harris," the British author told him.

"Damn.  John, any recommendations?"

"A few from some of the people I know."  He smirked.  "It'll go.  You know that.  Just remember that traffic is horrible."  He nodded.  He looked back at the loud squeal of brakes.  "Oh, not again."  Their van was stopped but they wanted Rodney this time.  "Who are you?"

"Shut up!  We want the physicist!" one said, trying to strike him.

Xander got them all with his dart gun.  "No, you can't have the geek.  The rest of us need to finish his shrine."

Vala looked at him.  "I didn't think you were that dangerous."

He smiled.  "Only when you piss me off."  He looked at the people, then around.  "No cops.  Huh."  He looked at John, who called.  Xander looked at one, squatting down to take off his hood.  "Hey, I know his species."  He removed the dart and kicked him until he woke up.  Still no cops.  "Why are you bothering my bodyguards?" he asked quietly.

"You have no idea who he is."

"Yes I do.  Fully."  He leaned down.  "Thoranic told me," he hissed.  The demon moaned, trying to shift.  "You're pissing me off."

"Who are you?" he demanded coolly.

He smiled.  "Xander."

"X..Xander?" he stuttered, staring at him.  Xander smirked.  "Oh, no.  No, no, no!"  He tried to wiggle away.  "You're not right!"

"They drained it.  Their doc got really upset."  He smirked.  "My axe is with me if you want proof."  He shook his head quickly.  "Then turn your asses in.  Don't come near my friends again.  Am I clear?"  He nodded.  "Why did they want him?"

"The portals are having problems!  He can figure out why!" he begged.

"I'm told it's because of the shift."  He stood up, staring down at him.  "Just give the fuck up.  I'm having a happy day."

"Yes...Knight!  We will not bother them again!  We will find someone who is better and treat them very well!  We would not have hurt him!"

"You can ask him, but I would be *very* polite since you just pissed him and his team leader off.  Am I clear?"  He nodded, getting to his knees.  Xander got back in.  "They're having a theoretical shift."

"How did you scare them?" Vala asked quietly.

He grinned.  "Past.  History."

"From high school past history?" Rodney asked.

"Yes."  The demon bowed to him and then to Rodney, handing him a file.

Rodney opened it, looking at it.  "Do we have any idea why?"

"There's three different shifts going on," Xander said.  "I have no clue but I was told it'd be cleared up next week."

"Our Clan Leader's wife must come this week or there will be a war," he told them, looking at Rodney.  "We were not going to harm you, just ask you to help us."

Rodney looked at him.  "Come see me later tonight.  Let me look it over."  They nodded and he ran off.  The others were left there.  He looked at the other authors, who were seemingly frozen.  He looked at Xander, who shook his head.  He pointed at his watch.  "Temporal?"

"Tara."  He tapped his watch and they went back to normal.  Police got there a few minutes later and let them go.  Vala got sent home once they made it into the rooms.  John was pacing and complaining.  Rodney was reading over the information to see if it was applicable and if it was something easy.  Xander wanted a fight.  He grimaced, looking around his room.  He grabbed stuff and went down to the gym.  It'd do until after dinner.

John tracked him down there when someone called to warn him that the kid was an accident waiting to happen.  He walked into the gym and over to where the boy was doing leg presses.  He winced at the amount of weight.  "Doing less weight in more reps builds up muscles."

"I need it for running."  He did another one.  "I'm okay.  It's safe here."

"Yeah, and you're going to hurt yourself."  He pushed him until he got out of the seat.  "C'mon.  I wanted to see what you could do anyway."

"Huh?"

"Sparring.  It'll help."  He walked him into a bare room the gym kept for special events.  John took off his outer shirt and waved him on.  "C'mon.  I can take it."

"Um, I'm not used to dealing with humans."

"Yay.  I'm very well trained.  Treat me like you would a hunting session."

"Not like I tend to outright attack."

"I saw that.  You won't hurt me.  One of my teammates is like your friend Buffy.  I've been working with her."

"You know, sometimes you make me feel inadequate."  He grimaced.  "I only know one way to fight."

"You're young, you can learn.  I did.  I made her teach me.  I made Ronon teach me too."  Xander nodded and attacked.  John fought back.  He wasn't bad.  He wasn't great.  He got him down.  "Okay, let's try that again so I can fix that over extension problem you have."  Xander beamed and got back up to let him correct it.  No, no one had ever taught the kid.  "You still need to learn how to lay lower."

"That's why they froze?"

"That's a good reason," he agreed.  "You still need to lay lower.  Remember, it's a secret identity."

"I don't do much in New York unless there's a problem or I'm asked directly."  He attacked again.  John caught him around the throat and taught him how to correct that mistake of balance.  Xander was a happy boy.  "I need more lessons."

"It might help."  They worked for a few more hours, working up a good sweat.  At the end, John found two brooms and let the kid remove the heads.  "Break 'em."  Xander looked at him.  "We can pay for them."

Xander looked around and casually removed something from his chest.  It looked like a patch.  Xander put it up against a wall and opened the tiny doors.  He pulled out two things and tossed them over.  "Those?"

John watched them grow in his hand.  "Yeah, those'll work.  I want to see that."

"Okay."  Xander closed it and came over to let his grow into his hand.

"C'mon.  It's what Teyla was training me to do."

"I heard she's good."

"How much do you know about us?"

"The gossips are like old ladies who think you're cheating on your wife with a goat," he said dryly.

"That's an odd way of putting it."  He attacked.   "That happen often at home?"

"A few times.  The only other big news was carnivals and their working girls coming to take over the job of our original ones."  He blocked and fell back to what he knew and what he had been shown was easier.

"Block and duck blows, kid."  Xander did that and still slowly changed back.  John had to turn aside a staking attempt or three but he smiled because that's what the kid needed to remember how to do.  "I tell you what.  Next time I'm back down here for something that's not an emergency, we'll spar again as long as you've kept up and learned more things."

Xander beamed at him.  "I'd like that.  Pending apocalypses?"

"Yup, pending apocalypses on both our sides."  He hit him and the boy didn't wince.  "How do you ignore that?"

"Funny mindset while hunting."

"I read about her."  Xander shrugged and lunged, getting John off balance.  He corrected but not before Xander had shoved him back and gotten him to adjust his stance too much to counter a blow to his upper arm.  The kid was pulling his blows.  That was nice of him.  "If I can, I'm bringing Ronon down with me."  The kid hugged him.  "Thanks.  Get off."

Xander beamed at him.  "A hug can be both healing and deadly at the same time."

"Yes it can," he agreed.  "Especially with your dates."  The kid laughed at that.  "There's days I wish fighting wraith was as easy as staking a vampire."

Xander's face lit up.  "He was working on a few things to help with that."  He put the sticks back in the patch and put it back on, then grabbed John and dragged him upstairs.  "Rodney, I need the drawing thingy," he said as John let them into his and Rodney's room.

"What drawing thing?" he muttered, still engrossed.  The kid took his laptop from him to get into the program.  "Oh, that drawing thing."  He dug out the stylus and let him have it.  "What did you just remember?"

"A whole lot but it was stuff that me there was working on but hadn't gotten to work."  He got the first one down within twenty minutes and gave John a proud look.  "A zappy thing."

"A zappy thing?" he asked.

"Like the heart restarter you see on tv?  A zappy thing that can be fired."

Rodney gave him a look.  "Excuse me?"

"To disrupt hearts and things.  He had problems here," he said, circling it.  "Something about it keeps it going out of tune.  Then this area he said something about capacitor problems and resistance."  He looked at the amused looks.  "My level of electronics is RC cars, guys."

Rodney took it to look at.  "This starts out like a NIKE," he muttered.

"Which would leave it to be launched without putting your own guys in danger," Xander said.  "He also said something about it being fixable or whatever for each species."

"What else did you remember?" John asked.   He sat on the foot of his bed.  Rodney gave the boy back his stylus.  Xander thought for a few minutes then drew out a cartoon, handing it to him with a smile.  He laughed.  "Tiff?"

"Yeah."  He frowned and drew out the scythe.  "We had to create a practice version of it," he admitted, moving on after saving that.  It took a few minutes but eventually the ideas finally flowed out of him.  He looked up when he ran into a problem.  "It won't save, Rodney."

Rodney groaned, moving over to take it so he could switch some files to a portable, specially shielded hard drive.  That let it be saved and the boy went back to it.  Rodney and John left him alone to talk to the demons.  They didn't want to see a war between clans because it might impact humans.   They came back and the boy was pouting at the computer.  "Is it full again?" he asked.

"No.  I kinda feel empty."

John patted him on the back.  "We like you even without the ideas you were holding."  Xander beamed and hugged him.  "Go shower.  You're still sweaty from sparring.  Oh, that patch?"

Xander groaned but took it off and put it on the wall.  "Tara found it and had it made for me."

Rodney opened it and stared, then grabbed his scanner from Atlantis to take readings.  "Have you had this all along?"

"Yeah.  Why?"

"What if we had needed it?"

"I would've pulled a Highlander and a gun outta my butt?" he said, shrinking down some.

John looked at him.  "That might've amused the captors.  I need one of these for the next time we're captured."

"I'm not sure if it'd work up there the same way it does down here.  See, it's calibrated to skin tone and things."

"It's energy is compatible with ours," Rodney told him.  "As for skin tone...."  He looked at them.  "How did you conceal it?"

"It kinda matches me."

John took it down and put it on his arm.  It matched pretty well.  "I might need to shave some chest hair."

"I'd put it on your side.  That way if you're handcuffed behind you could reach it and if not, it'd look like you were scratching an itchy spot.   That's where I'd put it.  Most of the time I'm just tied in a chair."  He dropped his pants and pulled off the one on his thigh and then the one off his lower back.  He reached for another one on his ankle but Rodney stopped him to take readings of it before he removed it.

John stared at what was in there.  "Why are we carrying all this?"

"Because the detectives looked in my research cabinets when Tara got kidnaped by Willow.  I don't want them to find all this."

"I can agree with that."

Rodney coughed.  "What might disturb it so it'd come open or grow?  Or even disappear totally?"

"A very big energy surge on a specific wave length."

"So, something like maybe the gateway?"

Xander grimaced.  "Yeah, that might.  Damn."

"I need to test one to see if it's able to be shielded," Rodney told him. "That and transporting."

"I can see us doing that if he can find us someone to make us a set."

"We can test on one of mine.  My ankle one was my extra one.  She won't mind.  She thinks you're nice."

Rodney coughed.  "Not always."

"We heard."

Rodney glared at him.  "How much did you hear?"

"The overlords of one of my kitten poker buddies wanted to know if what he had heard was true.  I told him I wasn't sure.  That I wouldn't tell him anything even if it was right but his wife was apparently from a clan that fled from up there."

"Are there still clans up there?" John asked.

"One that I heard of.  They're hiding like a mofo on their planet and you guys can't get there.  They disabled things.  They have a portal system but no gate thingy."

"That's good to know.  Are they friendly?"

"They're terrified."

"We'd like to make friends."

"Yeah but humans are scary creatures that they tell their kids are going to eat them.  They're less scared of the wraith or the Ancients than you guys."

"They knew about them?"

"Yeah.  They were kinda used as servants," he said dryly, giving him a look.

"Like test monkeys," Rodney said dryly.  Xander nodded.  "I don't blame them for that but we're not like that."

"Half the Marines might be freaked out," John told him.  Rodney nodded that was true.  "Half of your scientists would want to take samples."

"Your city might recognize them and try to contain them," Xander added.  "I'm told that they're in the system as not supposed to be loose."

"Then we'll definitely be friendly if we run into one and maybe ask Teyla if they've seen or heard of them.  Do we know a name?"

"Valadon?  I think.  I heard that name mentioned in relation to your worlds."  He shrugged.

"It's somewhere to start," Rodney decided.  "Are you sure she won't mind if we take your extra one?"

"No.  She said it'd be okay."  They smiled at him and John unloaded that one to put the things into the other ones.  Xander had brought nearly everything he might ever need in case of an apocalypse.  They'd ignore the artillery for now since it was only a few pieces.    Xander yawned.

"Go shower and I'll treat to dinner," John said, earning a grin.  Xander put those back on and went to shower.  John looked at Rodney.  "I said I'd spar with him the next time I'm down here for a non-emergency reason.  I'd even try to bring Ronon."

"You do seem fond of him."

"He's like a little brother.  He also never got trained to fight."  He grabbed his own things.  "I like him.  He's a nice guy.  Like someone said, he's almost like a kid between me and O'Neill."

"That is a scary damn thought," Rodney assured him.

"Do you mind?"

"No!  I like the kid.  I have liked the kid.  He's like a less genius version of Radek in many ways."

"I think he's plenty smart but no one ever took the time to *teach* him.  Especially since he's a hands-on guy."

"I've noticed that he picked up things when I explained them to him."  He smirked.  "If the IOA gets their way, we'll bring him up so you can work on his training, he can design weapons, and we'll teach him all the things his pathetic, piss-poor school didn't."

"It's that bad?"

"Oh, don't get me started," he warned.  "I gave Carter a surge of maternal anger and they're not even her kids.  The school's only teaching demons now and we both wanted to bulldoze it.  Then the rest of the town."  Someone knocked and John let Xander in.  "What did you learn your senior year?"

"Explosives.  I have bitchy female friends who decided I was too normal.  The football team did pay some of the cheerleaders so my ex tossed them off the team."

"In terms of education," Rodney sighed.

"Oh, um....  Perot in English, two poets, a play.  Um, another attempt at algebra.  More Latin and Summerian from the research."

"Did you take a science?"

"No."

"History?"

"Pointless and first period.  Some days I didn't even try to get there after patrols."  He shrugged.  "I don't get along well with school."

"That was probably the school's fault," Rodney assured him.  "They're so far beyond pathetic I need to make up new words for how bad they are."

"Willow was one of our geniuses.  Warren Meers too but they sent him to a special school for geeks who could build shit.  Andrew and Jonathan were up there in brains too."

"By most school's standards, Willow's above average but not a genius," Rodney said, making the boy's face crack.  "I've run into Meers.  He got conscripted after that robot thing and put into a Pentagon design team.  He's good but he's psychotic.  No, your school ruined a lot of people who could have been very good students, like you."  Xander gave him a horrified look.  "A real school would've turned in your parents as well."

"Sunnydale wasn't exactly the real world.  That's why they kept letting my uncle go after multiple DUI's.  It's why my father decided he could get away with trying to blackmail and beat me then was horrified when the judge sent him away."

"Your whole town needed sunk thirty years ago," John told him.  "Local food or american food?"

"I'm game as long as it's not squid or going to kill me or eat me back."

"I can handle that.  Don't eat blowfish."  He smiled.  "We'll find somewhere excellent without reporters."

"I could like not being stalked tonight."

"Then why ham it up?"

"I was told to so it'd help book sales.  Or else Paula will beat me."

"She won't."

"She will and they'll drop me so I can't be published."

"Sometimes you've got to stand up to the women."

"The last time I did that, I got blamed for all sorts of shit."

"She's not your friends."

"No but she's a lot like them at times."

"Cranky?  Yes she did seem that way," John admitted.  "Rodney, food?"

"I ate while he was drawing."  Xander gave him a sheepish look.  "We needed some of those anyway, kid.  Shoo, go eat food that I might balk at so I don't have to see it."  They smirked and walked out together.  Rodney saved down the files again and sent them to Carter's email address.  She was over the team developing weapons.  He also noted that they were in-progress prototypes that probably had some flaws that needed to be worked out.  Her email sent back an automatic acknowledgment that she was not at her computer but would get back with them as soon as she could.  Rodney rolled his eyes.  People hated those things.

***

John and Xander got sat at a fairly decent table in the nice-ish restaurant.  The menus had english and Cantonese sections.  Xander was staring at the fish tank.  John looked too.  "I'm pretty sure those are decorative fish instead of dinner ones."  Xander relaxed and smiled.  "How brave are we being tonight?"

"Starving but not brave?"

"Get noodles," he joked.

"Of course.  I won't eat like Rodney does."

"You should see Ronon's plate size," he quipped.  "Even Rodney has to stare in awe."

"You should put them both in competitive eating contests."

"Don't tempt me.  Ronon is always very competitive."

Xander grinned, looking at the menu.  "I have no idea what half of these types of fish are."

John looked at his, and he only knew about half of them.  "I saw we get number 18."

Xander looked and nodded.  "Plus noodles?"

"Yeah, or rice."  They looked up and found a bigger one.  "Didn't you eat lunch?"

"Um, no.  You and Rodney got stuff at the airport to bring back.  Vala and I were talking about weapons."

"Oh, okay.  That explains why you're starving."

"A man could seriously starve in her presence," Xander sighed.

"Yes they could, but she's a bit too wicked for my tastes."  Xander smirked at him.  "Don't even mention it."

"I shouldn't mention the little priestess who thinks you're her pet?"

"No.  Please?"

"Sorry."  He grinned and went back to the menu.  "Nineteen and I pay the tip?"

John looked.  Then shook his head.  "Twenty-six and you pay the tip."

"I could like that.  And it has other stuff on it."  He beamed.  "What do you drink with real Asian food?"

"Some guys drink a beer, some have a glass of wine.  Some drink water because some of those sauces are spicy."

"Hmm.  Lemonade?  They have it."

"It might not go against some of the spices."  The waitress put down dishes.  "We haven't ordered yet," he told her.

"Yes you have."

"No we haven't, Tandra."  Xander looked over the edge of his menu.  "Hi.  Part-time job for holiday present money or just saying hi?"

"Checking on you for Anya," she admitted, staring at him.  "She saw you in the paper and was hoping her curse had started."

"Curse?" John asked.

"No, no groupies I'm sleeping with yet so I'd give them up for being boring.  Authors don't get groupies like rock stars."

"Shoot.  She was so hopeful."

"Not like she could take advantage of it."  John coughed.  "Oh, sorry.  John, this is Tandraicka, the vengeance demon over those abandoned."

"Those left behind," she corrected.  She smirked at him.  "There are many people who wanted him to turn out a lot more like you before he screwed up multiple prophecy lines by turning in those cults so the town got shut down."

"Go me," Xander said dryly.  The manager came huffing over.  "I'm sorry, we went to high school together and we were catching up," he said.  "I'm sorry I monopolized her and made her not work."  The man was mollified after glancing at what she had put on the table.  Xander glared at her but she smirked, walking off.  He looked then at John.

"Number eighteen and two lite beers," John ordered.  "Please."  The manager told that to their actual waitress.  He looked at the dishes.  "I have no idea what that is beyond squid."

Xander tasted one from the bowl next to him.  "Tingly."

"Blowfish," John said.  He watched him but he wasn't having a heavy reaction.  "Doctor Lam thinks that you're still vulnerable to some toxins," he said quietly.

"She told me she did the toxin allergy test.  It's a small list that I'm not immune to.  Please stomp any scorpions you find," he finished.  He looked at John's bowl.  "Am I brave?"

"It's not slimy.  Or alive.  I know some people eat them alive."

"Eww."  He picked up a piece of tentacle to slurp down.  "Chewy but bland.  Could use garlic or cheese," he said when he had eaten it.  John ate his own bite.   The rest of their meal was brought.  The check was deposited a bit later.  Xander glanced at it.  "She charged us."  He smirked.  "You get the tip."

"You sure?  You should be running short on the trip slush fund."

"No.  I was given two grand for each location for food, souvenirs, all that stuff.  I barely spent eight hundred in England.  Four in Germany.  More in Italy because the food was amazing and I had some shipped home.  Paris was a weak spending point since I didn't want to hit the street of the damned."

"The fashion row?" John taunted.

"Yup, that one."  He picked out his next bite, then grimaced.  "Chilly."

"Dip it in the stuff in the center, the hot oil."  Xander did the next one and it was better after a minute of cooking.  John got his own.  "You haven't been buying all that much stuff?"

"No, I don't really have anyone to buy souvenirs for.  Just Tara.  Postcards for Buffy, Willow, and all them.  Cordelia did get a designer handbag from over here but otherwise all I've done is buy a few books, a few new shirts when mine couldn't be cleaned for whatever reason, and then food."  He picked out another one to nibble on.  That one was spicy but it was good after the blander fish.  "Spicy."

"Thanks for the warning."  He ate another piece of marinated fish, then some of the noodles that had shrimp in it.  "At least you'll have the rest when you get home."

"I was thinking you guys might like to visit a huge bookstore for at home?"

"They might like that," he agreed.  "But it'd probably have to be in English."

"We can do that.  I know the one we're going to be at tomorrow has a large selection.  I looked it up.  If you guys are going to Tokyo, we can do that one there.  They have a seven story one."

John smiled.  "I think the current plan is for us to stay with you the full trip and then head home."

"Including the overnight layover in England on the way back?  Because then you could stop in the big ones they have there."

"I don't know."

"You might want to tell Paula since she's doing the airfare stuff."

"I'll get that clarified for her later on."  He ate another bite.  Xander was indeed starving.  He had worked like Rodney so now he was eating like Rodney.  It made sense to him.  Some of the other scientists had picked up that habit as well.  "What else are you getting?"

"Tomorrow I'll pick up something for Tara after the signing.  There's a lot of shops down there.  Then the next day I was hoping we'd be able to sightsee?"

"I can see doing that.  Hopefully without help."  Xander put down his card when the waitress came back to check on them.  She smiled and went to run it.  "You sure?"

"They're going to be closing soon."  She came back pouting.  "It didn't work?"

"No, sir, it did."  She let him sign the slip and take his card back.

"We always leave the tip after we're done," John told her, earning a happy, attentive waitress.  They finished up talking about what they wanted to see, since neither had been here before, and it was nice.  On the way back they picked up cones at the Ben and Jerry's store.  Xander quipped that the good american trends had followed them.  He got Rodney a small pint since he knew he had missed real ice cream on Atlantis.  They went back to their rooms.

Rodney looked up when he came in.  "You got ice cream?" he pouted.

"We ran into a Ben and Jerry's store."  He tossed over the bag, earning one happy physicist.  "We also ran into one of his ex's coworkers.  She decided to try to make Xander broke with dinner but it didn't work."  He sat down to finish his ice cream.  "How's that portal thing?"

"I've isolated how they need to correct it.  I sent it to the address in the file.  They sent back a thank you and they could filter it somehow.  So we're safe.  What's going on tomorrow?"

"Signing, small browsing around for souvenirs, then sightseeing the next day."

"That's reasonable."  He dug into his ice cream with a moan.  "You remembered."

"Of course I did.  I heard you moaning about not having any on your birthday for six weeks."

Rodney punched him on the arm.  "It served you right."

"Uh-huh.  The kid suggested we go to the big bookstore tomorrow to load up for home.  Also to find out if we're flying back because then we can hit the bigger ones on that layover in England."

"I think we're transporting back after he gets on the plane home.  I'm not sure about that overnight."  He sent a message to the general about that and left it there.  He'd tell them.  "I have been getting ebooks for us."

"They'll appreciate that.  No waiting in line for it."

"I've also picked up some other books for the scientists."

"If we could get a list it'd be easier.  Get it through Amazon and pick it up before we go back.  Or have the ship bring it."

"Yes we could.  I'll figure that part out tomorrow."  John nodded, eating the last bite of his cone then going to take a shower.  Rodney finished up his sinful treat.  A belated birthday present but it was nice the colonel had remembered.

***

John and Rodney finally landed back at Stargate Command after the last day of the tour.  Xander could handle tonight.  Paula was there to fly back with him to debrief him and go over any big mistakes he had made.  The general looked at the bags they were carrying.  They had both had a small bag for clothes.  Now they had that small shared bag and two larger duffle bags.  "Good shopping?" he asked dryly once they had saluted him.

"Yes, sir.  Things we can use on base," John said.  "Books and magazines."

"That's not a bad idea."  He looked them over.  "Are you two all right?"

"We're fine, sir.  The small rush to get next to Xander last night by the Buddhist nuns was strange but we handled it well."

"I don't want to know," he muttered.

"There was a small demon threatening their convent," Rodney said.  "He made it flee after getting a book signed."

"I still don't want to know."  He looked them over.  "You two don't look depressed."

"We'll keep in touch with him.  I said the next time I'm down here I'm going to make sure he's kept up on his hand-to-hand training because he didn't have any."  The general groaned.  "We agreed we'd spar as long as neither of us was in the middle of an apocalypse."

"That's reasonable," he agreed.  "Any sins I shouldn't hear of?" Landry asked.

"No, sir, why?" John asked.

He held up a picture.

"She thought I was a model," he said with a smug grin.  "So did her photographer.  She nearly drooled over Xander."

"Good to know."  He held up the other two.

"We denied my intentions toward him, sir," John said firmly.  "That's why they decided Rodney was his boyfriend and I was just a very nice bodyguard because of the death threat and Rodney being noticed as a very smart physicist.  The Germans recognized him."

"We did have a nice impromptu conference one day," Rodney agreed.  "Someone had updated some of my early work."

"Interesting.  Anything relevant to here?"

"No.  Power flows."

"Okay.  That's good to know."

"I sent that report to Carter."

"She's off dealing with a Prior.  Has been for days."

"I also sent her the last of the things Harris' mind was hiding."

"She did get those a few hours before they had to leave.  She said most of them show electronic flaws but she can work with that."  Rodney nodded.  "Did you keep a copy?"

"Of course.  Of all of it."  That got a smirk.  "It might come in handy some day."

"It could, yes."  He looked at them.  "Anything you still have to do tonight?"

"We did take the liberty of ordering some new books for our science corps through Amazon, sir," John told him.  "Updated medical texts, new textbooks, things like that."

"Coming where?"

"The only address I could find was yours, sir."

"My home address, son?"  John nodded.  "I can have it brought over and shipped out to you.  That is something important to keep your people up to date.  Anything else in there I shouldn't know about?"

"A MAD magazine or six, some funny books, and a few new issues of the popular gun magazines, including the Military Ordinance one."

"I'll accept that as necessary reading," he decided.  "Go.  Shoo.  Go mope on Atlantis."  They smirked and saluted then headed for the gate room.  They even carried their own stashes of books, it was nice of them.  He shook his head, calling home to let them know that there might be a delivery for someone on base.  He went to oversee the beaming up to the Daedelus.  They were sent up and away they went for the next week.  Landry sighed in relief.  This hadn't been too bad but the kid's mind had held some things that were too fantastic for even a fantasy writer to have.  He had already made sure the boy knew if he let any of that out, he'd end up conscripted.  The boy had let him see how the old program had integrated into the DCIS world so he knew what was coming and how bad it would be.  The kid would also send him anything he got done so he could preview it for classified information.  So at least he was reasonable.

***

Xander walked in and flopped down, staring at the cat.  "Did your mommy flee?" he asked her, petting her gently.  She nuzzled him.  He smiled.  "I missed you too, Miss Kitty."  He saw the note with his name on it and smiled.  "Ah.  Work called."  He shrugged and settled in to nap on the couch.  Tara could unpack her own presents when she got home.  It was definitely good to be home because his muses were screaming at him.  "Later," he told them.  "Nap now, write later."  They settled down a bit and let him pet the cat nuzzling into him until they both took a nap on the couch.

***

John and Rodney got beamed down with their bags, and Rodney looked around.  "No applause?  I'm disappointed."

"Shut up," John taunted with a smirk.  "Really."  Rodney smirked at him.  "Remember, my bags have the food."

"I'll come get it later."

John looked at the watching people.  "Books?" he suggested.  A few smirked at them and came to get their bags.  John kept the combined bag and the bag with the snacks.  He handed over the rest beyond Rodney's laptop bag.  "To the library."

"I'll upload the ebooks I have in a few minutes," Rodney told him.  He looked at John.  "How did you get a full copy of all of his?"

"It's not hard, and he let me have the ones he's been working on too."

"Interesting."  They went to their rooms to unpack, John giving him his half of the clothing bag once he had found all his.  A pair of socks had to be tossed back later but that was normal for them.  They were both back in uniform and in the mess by then.  They settled in to tell the others about the trip, and all the pictures John had taken.  John uploaded all the copies of the new books that night with the warning that they were not edited, these were preview copies so may not be the finished format.  Rodney uploaded the ebooks he had gotten.  The librarian hugged them both.  Even if he did blush after hugging Rodney.  They'd let him be extremely happy when the stuff they had ordered came in.

It was good to be home.  Much less insane too.  No reporters.  No bad girls trying to get to Xander.  Well, not as many, and apparently John's own bad girl magnet power had been lessened in the presence of the master of it.  So their next mission actually went the way it was supposed to.  It was amazing.

The End.

Note:  the Council is mean to Miss Kitty.  Death off-screen of slightly seen character.

Chapter 7: Bad Omens

Things start to go oddly in the dynamic duo's lives: ex's, family, kittens...  Note:  the Council is mean to Miss Kitty.  Death off-screen of slightly seen character.

Rick Castle looked around the squad room, frowning.  "This isn't that secure," he said.

The object of his worry stared at him.  "Yes it is.  They don't let anyone up here who isn't wearing a badge."

"How hard is it to fake one?" he asked.  He looked at her.  She glared back.  "Honestly, Beckett?"

"Not that hard," she admitted with a huff.

"So let's get you somewhere safer.  You have a serial killer after you.  They've proven they're a bit sneaky and clearly demented."

She grimaced.  "Don't you dare."

"Shut up."  He hauled her up.  "Guys?"  The two detectives she worked with looked over.  "I'm going to get her someone overprotective to watch over her.  That way we don't have to worry about them getting in here."

One nodded.  "You're paranoid."

"Do you blame me?"  They shook their heads.  "I'll be back."  He walked off with her, typing a text message from the elevator.  Tara would warn him.  If the guy could track his phone calls, he'd see him sending one to a girl, a coded message at that.

***

Xander opened the door, gulping some milk.  "What's up?"

"Serial killer," Rick said, looking at him.  "Not busy?"

"Nah.  We were going to sightsee later."   He let her into the apartment, letting her look around.  "Detective, he knows I'm highly overprotective, fairly well skilled in what I can do to protect you, and you can help us sightsee when Tara gets off work.  That way no one can find you."  He grinned and finished his milk.  "Want something?  We've got some leftovers, some sodas, some higher octane sodas, some waters?  Rick?"

"I'm good.  Let me get back to helping."  He left.

Xander grinned.  "Relax.  No one's going to find you here and even if he did?  I'm a bitch over those I'm watching over.  The time I moonlighted as a bodyguard, I got fired for being too protective and keeping my guardee from getting some action."  She slumped, shaking her head.  "Really.  And hey, you can tell us where we're going.  That way you can mosey around the city without anyone realizing that you're with us."  He grinned.  "Even if they come here, I can guarantee they'll be sorry.  We do have some boobytraps in case of break-ins."  He smiled an innocent, sweet smile.

She snorted.  "You look so guilty when you do that."

He snickered.  "I probably am of many things.   Sit, pet the cat, grab a drink if you want, let me change clothes.  Tara should be back soon."

"If we're out he could spot me."

"If he spots you and comes near you, I'm going to destroy him at the cellular level," he pointed out.  "And if he traces you back to my place?  He'd better pray while being fucked."  He went to change shirts.

"Is that a sword?" she called.

He looked over the railing from the stairs as he came down.  "Yeah.  I've got about seven or eight swords around the house."

She stared at him.  "Research helpers?" she asked hopefully.

"And past life helpers, yeah."

She stared at him.  "Your reputation says you know weapons."  He grinned and nodded.  "Where are they?  Just so I know where to dive for if I need them?"  He pointed at the cabinet next to where he was standing.  She opened it and stared then at him.  "Mediaeval weapons."  She looked at him then around, opening the other cabinets.  She looked around the doorway, giving him a look.  "How did you get all these?"

"Poker debts for some."  He closed that and opened up the tv cabinet's door.  It looked like a dvd storage area.  It held a few handguns and bullets.  "No room in there."  He shrugged.  "Easily grabbed subtly too."

She stared at what was down there, checking her own.  It was as big as most of what he had.  She had a full clip.  For some reason she still felt inadequate.  "It's got to be a guy thing."

"It's more past life paranoia, and research help," he admitted.  He headed for the kitchen, putting some waters and sodas in a cooler bag.  "There we go."  Tara walked in, pausing to look at their guest.  "She's got a serial killer.  You remember Detective Beckett, right?"

"Yeah," she said, shaking her hand with a small smile.  "Is our sightseeing off?"

"No, she can be a native guide while we make sure no one can find her," Xander said, zipping the bag up.  "I've got six waters, six sodas, and we're good.  My wallet?"  Tara tossed it over.  "Hit the ATM for me?" he joked weakly.

"Yup."  She smiled.  "I paid the bills at work too."  She went to change, coming out in something less professional and more comfortable.  Then they left, the detective between them.  She got into the back, Tara into the front, Xander driving, and they were off.

"What sort of defenses do you have on the apartment?" she asked.  Tara grinned.  "Ah, that sort.  Okay.  Are they effective?"

"Quite," Tara assured her.  "The last one begged the people in the ER to make it stop eating him for trying to break in off our porch."  She smiled.  "It'll be okay.  Miss Kitty will rip someone up if they upset her."

Xander glanced at her, leaning his free elbow on the door.  "Tara, have you noticed she's been a little piggy for the last few days?" he asked.

"Yes," she said carefully.  "I know she's not in the middle of a kitten growth spurt."

"No, I think she managed to find some big, bad tomcat," he said dryly.  "Her stomach's getting a bit poochy too."

"Oh, no."   She sighed.  "I'll check her over and chastise her later."

"I don't mind kittens.  Kind of.  A few maybe?"

"Of course.  My aunt's coven might want some of them."

"That's cool.  We can confirm it and tell her."

She beamed and hugged his arm on the wheel when they had to stop for a light.  "Thank you, Xander."

"Not a problem.  Saves me from knocking up someone and having to change diapers," he quipped.  Kate snorted at that, shaking her head.  "It would."

"No letting the mother do it?" she asked.

Xander glanced back at her.  "With the women I date?"

"Good point," she said, shaking her head quickly.

"How did the last one do?"

"She pled guilty.  Only two charges out of the six though."

"Pity."

"Still thirty years."

"That's good."  Tara gave him a poke.  "The redhead I was dating?"  She nodded slowly.  "Turned out to be dating some just-under-the-age-of-legal boys as well."

"The year before they got legal," Kate told her.  "Not too young."

"Still bad of her," Tara agreed.  "Are the boys all right?"

"They're fine.  They thought it was great dating an older woman who taught them how to do it right," Xander said dryly.  "One came over while we were getting ready to go out so we talked.  Then I introduced one of her minions to him the next day.  That way they wouldn't be scared of women."

Kate stared at him.  "I'm not that mean, kid."

He glanced back at her.  "Of course you're not.  Unless you want to be."  He grinned and got back to driving at the honks.  "I'm resisting the urge to become a real New Yorker," he muttered.

"Most of us don't flip people off," Kate said dryly.  She glared back at the person still honking, holding up her badge.  He took a sudden turn and quit honking.

"Smooth.  I need to try that," Tara said with a smile.  "Even I've wanted to flip a few people off and I don't swear."

Xander snickered.  "I saw you do it the other day and then realize it, Tara."  He patted her on the arm.  "It's okay.  You did yoga and recentered yourself that night."  She nodded.  "So.... we're heading....  Coney?"

"That's fine," Kate agreed.  "Most local kids grew up on it."  They both beamed at her.  She realized she'd give Tara backup when Xander wanted to run wild.  She could do that she guessed, and it would keep her out of harm's way.  He even proved it an hour later when he caught a pickpocket and had to be pulled off the guy's throat.  She had him arrested and the boy beamed at the beat cops, walking off with them.  They went through Coney Island like the younger two were teenagers then they went to lunch somewhere she hadn't been, but it was good food.  Then to a museum.  Then Tara went home so she could go to bed early.  Xander took Kate with him to the demon poker game.  On the way he called.  "It's Xander.  Any news?  She's getting a bit squirmy."  He listened.  "Sure.  Poker."  He handed the phone over.  "Your minions."

She scowled.  "They are not."  She listened.  "How bad?"  She winced.  "Yeah, I can do that."

"I'm mostly a gentleman.  She can have my bed and I'll sleep on the couch with the cat," he said loudly enough to be heard.  "That way no one has to worry."

She listened then looked at him.  "They're worried someone might've spotted us earlier."

"It may not seem like it but Tara can kick some butt when she needs to, Detective.  Sunnydale was dangerous.  Plus in LA we were more on the front lines.  She can protect herself if someone tries to break in.  She might sob on them while doing a healing spell on their mangled bodies, but she can handle it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup.  You got put into our protection and we can easily protect you for the next day or so.  My people want me to slow down anyway."  He grinned at her.  "Plus I doubt anyone here is going to do anything mean to you."  He parked.  "I've still got her.  We're going to play some poker.  Night, guys."  He hung up and helped her out, walking her in there.  "Hey, guys.  This is Kate, I was asked to be highly overprotective of her," he announced as he walked into the demon poker center.

A few waved or grunted.  One looked at her then at him.  "I heard your trip included military guys," one growled.

"Not initiative military guys but yeah.  John and Rodney were pretty cool bodyguards.  They let me sightsee, get into local things.  I even got to deliver a baby once in an alleyway."  He grinned.  "They're in Cheyenne's program."  They all moaned like they were getting off.  "The DCIS universe Willow sent me to....."  He beamed.  "Rodney was dating Abby, out of a lab in DC, there."

"I know of her.  She would fit in very well with their insanity or yours," that demon sighed.  He looked at the woman with him.  "Not your usual sort."

"She's a detective.  She got the last girlfriend."  He grinned a cheezy grin.

"Ah, her.  He's a shark, fair warning."  He went back to his hand.

Xander walked her to a table.  "The rules are slightly different," he warned her.  "I can help until you get the hang of it.  Even Tara can play kitten poker."  She gave him a dirty look.  "No one in their right or wrong minds would ever break in here."  He pointed at one.  "He'll eat them or hand them to the purple guy in the corner who pretty well runs this part of the town for these nice guys."  He sat them down.  "She's a newbie."  He put down cash and they nodded.  They got dealt into the next hand and he helped, giving her the major rules in her ear, getting a nod back.  She wasn't too bad.  She won a few kitties.  He lost one but then a later hand won him half the pound's worth.  He looked at the pouting demon.  "Tara's cat is already pregnant."  They all smiled at him for that.  "The coven's getting the kittens if she has her way."  That got a mass nod.  "Equal value them, dude.  Tomorrow.  Or else I'm writing you into a story as a eunuch sex slave."  The demon shuddered and changed colors.

"Most of us would make fun of him for it and it would make him lose standing in his clan," the dealer agreed with a grin for him.  "Which would lose him his spouse and children to those nasty rumors."  Kate stared at him.  "His clan's honor is very important to them."

"Their clan lives on the samurai principle," Xander explained.  "Rumors like that would destroy him and his life.  Plus his bagel shop.  Oh, Hubert, I saw your nephew.  He was working with Howdy today."

"Thanks, Harris.  I'll find him again later and beat him."  He smirked at the human.  "He's running away from his arranged marriage.  I won't have that sort of problem from him.  It cost too much money to buy his wife."  He went back to his hand, throwing them down.  "That's cheating."

Xander looked at the dealer.  "Aren't you a lawyer?" he asked.  The demon got up and fled, a few chasing him to kill him.  "Pity."  He got back to his next hand, letting Kate have some of his winnings when she got a bit low.  She managed that hand and it was all right.  Around four, they got tired and he brought her back to his place.  He handed her stuff of his to sleep in and went to the couch to crash for now.  Before she left, Tara snuck up there to leave some clothes for her to wear.

***

Rick looked up as their visitor plus detective walked in.  He tipped his head to the side, kicking one of the detectives.  "You look cute in Tara's dress," he said with a smile.  "Any problems, kid?"

"Not yet.  Does Alexis maybe want a kitten in a few months?"

"No.  No kittens.  Miss Kitty's knocked up?"

"Yup.  Most of them will go to the coven but I figured I'd ask since she and Tara hang out."

"A kitten would drive my mother nuts.  Otherwise I'd let her."  He smiled.  "You do look cute in her dress."

"It's a bit tight but it's very pretty."

"Tara doesn't wear that one because it's a bit tight," Xander admitted.  He sat down in a free chair.  "What can I help with?  Some of the poker buddies said they'd call today before she got owed too much."

"What is the exchange rate?" Kate asked.

"Fifty per," Xander said.

"Ah.  No wonder you got that rifle from a poker debt."  He grinned and nodded.  She looked at the detectives.  "Well?"

"Not a whole lot," Espisito said, handing over the file.  He wouldn't say a thing about the delicate dress with the lace neckline she was wearing.  It wasn't her usual style at all.  "Doesn't Tara wear corset dresses?" he asked Xander.  Who nodded.  "Then that's really modern for most of her tastes."

"Alexis and she shop," Xander said with a grin.

"He has my darling offspring looking over his new series for agency correctness," Rick told them.  "She takes his generous two grand a book and goes off with Tara.  Last time she came home in a corset dress that made her look very adult and new high heeled boots."

"I saw that outfit," the other guy said with a grin.  "She looked good."

"She did but about ten years older."  He looked at the detective, trying hard not to stare.  She glared at him.  He smiled.  "It's different seeing you in something...girlish."

"Tara almost gave her the blue dress that Alexis helped her buy," Xander said.

"Doesn't she have a copy of that?" Rick asked.  Xander smirked and nodded.  "I gave that to Mother.  She was too young to wear it."

"Alexis was?" Beckett asked.

"No, my mother."

"It's a very pretty wrap dress," Xander told her.  "That's a bit flirty and a bit shirred around the waist and under the breasts."

"It made her look like an old time movie sex goddess," Rick told them, earning smiles.  "She's not old enough for that yet.  Though I'm sure Tara looked fantastic in it.  She's got the body for it."  Xander nodded with a grin.  "Did you help them shop?"

"Yes, Alexis is picking up bad Buffy habits and dragged me shopping," he said dryly.  "I'm also to blame for the black dress she'll wear to the next thing.  Which is next week?"

"Next week, book party," he agreed.  "You have a book signing tomorrow," he said dryly.

"I heard that on the answering machine this morning and Paula's order to go shop again."  He shifted.  "Which I sent back a text message of 'make me and watch me pick up a harem'.   For some reason I haven't heard back yet."  Kate snorted at that, shaking her head.  "Was that who called?"

"That was Tara's aunt."

"That's fine.  She'll call her at work."  He stood up.  "So, do I need to make her help me shop and pick up a harem today or do you guys have it?"

"She's fine with us.  We have a few good leads," the minion said with a smile.

"Thanks," the other said.

"NP, guys.  Really.  Miss Kitty loved having me on the couch.  We nap there a lot.  If you need me, let me know."  He walked off happier.

Rick smiled.  "I told you he was more overprotective than all the department together."

"Yes he was.  He was a perfect gentleman, even when he did teach me how to play kitten poker."  She shuddered.

"They do what with them?" her boss asked.

"I saw one walking off eating his but otherwise, no idea.  I won about sixty but they'll pay me in cash instead."  He nodded at that, looking her over.  "I'm borrowing from Tara."

"Ah.  That makes sense."  He walked off smiling.  "You look nice."

"Thank you."  She sat down.  "What do we have?"  They went over everything.  They went out together to search down a lead and found the car tampered with so Rick dropped her off with Xander again.

***

Xander walked into Paula's office, staring at her.  "I heard you barked at someone to find me?"

She looked up from her current reading.  "No t-shirts, even without logos.  No shorts, no jeans, no unclassy shirts."

He snorted.  "I write fantasy novels, Paula.  They don't expect me to wear suits."

"I don't care!  You don't have to wear a suit but you do have to wear something decent.  No stains, no logos...."  She looked at his current t-shirt.  "Co-ed naked?  No thrift shop shopping."  She found something and handed it over.  "Royalty check."

"Water bills," he quipped back.  "Heating."

"I talked to Tara.  That's all covered and you have a few hundred thou in the bank, Xander.  Plus royalties for the first book in the new series in a week.  Those are from the other people for the last vampire story."  He looked in and nodded.  "Shop.  Today."

"Whatever," he muttered.  "I usually look decent enough."

She stared at him.  "It'll be covered on tv."

"Oh."  He grimaced.  "Eww."

"Advertising is great, even when it's on tv," she pointed out impatiently.

He leaned over to kiss his life-runner on the forehead.  "Have some ice cream, Paula.  That vein's back."  He walked off, going to the bank to cash the check.  It wasn't *huge* but it was nice enough for a few outfits.  Paula would spank very hard if he didn't do what she had ordered.  Halfway through fighting hives from the designer prices at Sak's, his phone rang.  "It's Xander."  He listened.  "Sak's but I can leave," he offered quickly.  "Sure.  Where?"  He looked around.  "Good for me.  Be right there."  He left, going to meet them at the other store.  He took possession of Beckett again, grinning at her.  "Sure, you can help me fit into Paula's idea of what a fantasy writer should look like since she said it'll be televised," he said.

Rick stared at him.  "Since when?" he complained.

"She said so."

"Crap!"  He called her on the way back to the car.  "Let us know where you guys are."  He slid into the backseat.  "Paula, television coverage?"  They pulled off.

He grinned.  "Paula said I can't wear jeans, can't wear logo t-shirts, or anything too messy.  Wanna be a girlfriend for a day?"

"Not here.  Bergstroms is just as expensive as Sak's, kid."

"Last time she made me go to Nordstrom's and called my ex Cordelia out to help the personal shopper."

She snorted.  "No, not good."

"I hit thrift stores but she said no."

"Filene's," she said, taking him to a cab and that way.  She got them out and inside.  "Discounted a lot.  Mostly last season's stuff.  Very inexpensive but still designer.  It's how a lot of smart people do it."  He beamed and hugged her, dragging her to look at clothes.  She helped with a few color choices.  Because his were hideous.  And baggy for some reason.  She wouldn't wear baggy things with his muscles.  Somehow he found his way into the women's section and she found a few things she could use too.  Bras, underwear....  Tara's bras were too big of a cup size for her.   Xander bought it for her and they went to lunch at another interesting deli-like place that was serving Middle Eastern food.  "How did you find here?"

He pointed at the cashier.  "She used to be at the tables with us."  He took his change with a grin.  "This is Beckett.  I'm her highly rabid bodyguard today."

The demon looked at him.  "He's very good at it.  I've watched him overprotect Tara for years."  She smiled and got their food, handing it over.  "There you go."  They went to eat in a corner, away from the windows, and she enjoyed a lot of the food she hadn't eaten before.  The demon went to spread some gossip.  It wasn't often someone got Xander to go back into hunter mode but apparently she was decent and good.  Some remembered her from the post-Glory clean up so she must really appreciate it.  And she did look very cute in Tara's dress.

***

Xander went to find Tara at the signing she was at.  Rick's signing was going okay.  His was boring earlier and he had chatted with the fans for a while and answered a few stupid questions for reporters.  The one Rick was at, there was supposed to be another author.  He found a salesgirl, who gasped at him.  "Are they late?"

"Apparently they forgot, Mr. Harris."

He grinned.  "I know my roomie's here somewhere.  Shy blonde girl?"  She pointed and he nodded at her.  Then he sighed.  "Who was supposed to be at his back?"  The tables were set up so Rick was facing one direction at a table and the other guy was at his back facing the other direction.  The fans were getting pouty and restless.

"Mr. Creers.  He's just come out."

"His publisher is going to shit."  She nodded.  He sighed again, noticing a few of his fans from earlier signings.  He looked around, getting a text from Tara.  He groaned.  He had his pen still.  "I have a new one," he offered finally after staring at that blank spot and the disappointed people.  She squealed and got his new book, which came out the next day.  He walked over and sat down by mounting the chair.  "It looks like your regularly scheduled guy is running *way* late," he told the staring people.  "But I have a new one coming out so I can temp for a bit."  He looked back at Rick, who was snickering.  "I do.  The first DCIS one is coming out."

He smiled sweetly at the ones staring at the books being brought out.  "Wow, I got a lot of them here."  A few picked up the books and they came to have him sign them.  He chatted, he smiled, he signed, he got hand cramps, but it was good and the readers appreciated that.  The store did too.  The reporter that was there to cover the event came over to talk to him as he worked.   "I think it was sad that they were waiting on a guy who was so late," he told the reporter with a smile.  "I hate to see disappointed fans.  I remember being one of them at comic cons."

She beamed and babbled questions at him, the same he had answered earlier.  No, he wasn't dating.  Especially not Tara, his roommate.  Yes, he had a lot more stuff coming out sometime soon.  He told them which series were getting updated soon.  Some of Rick's people joined his line after they got done with him and he smiled, winking at one as he signed an anthology that had them both in short stories.  She squealed and went to check out then went to brag.  The reporter got a good story.  The fans were happier.  It was a good day for him and Paula would be happy with him.  Finally, the last few were gone and he looked over at Tara.  "So?" he asked.

"We deserve chinese."

"We do," he agreed, shifting to look at Rick, who was staring at them.  "How's the daughter?"

"She's grounded today.  Her teacher said she made a totally inappropriate comment in class yesterday."

"She told me about that," Tara told him.  "She noted other religions and the teacher hated it."

"Ah.  I'll have to ask her more about it since she said she was probably grounded and went to her room to sulk."  He smirked.  "You two okay?"  They smiled and nodded.  "Thanks for filling in."

"I hate to see disappointed fans.  What he did sucks ass," he said, standing up.  "So, hmm.  Paula's office for that coming out meeting next week?"

"I have one."

"I think it's together since I've got this one that just came out," Xander admitted.  "She wanted me to go to yours for publicity."

"Ah!"  He smirked and nodded.  "Don't worry.  It's a party with a bar."

"Still don't usually drink," Xander told him.  He shook the staring bookstore worker's hand.  "I'm glad I could help."

"You swore," she said quietly.

He shrugged.  "I'm a young guy with a firm view of things.  His not showing up deserved it."  She smiled and nodded.  "If anyone comments tell them I'm twenty-two and from near LA."  She giggled and let them go.  He walked out with Tara, looking at her.  "Get enough books?"

"I did and if I like them I'll donate my copies to the library," she said quietly.

"That's something I can get behind," he admitted.  "As long as they don't sell them."  He walked her to the car, pulling out his phone and the keys.  "2 missed calls."  He called the person back.  It was Paula on both.  "It's us."  He listened.  "Hey, Rick, Paula wants to bite us," he called.  Rick snickered and got into his car.  "I did mine, Paula."  He listened.  "That's good though, right?"  He smiled.  "No, I came to pick up Tara getting one from his signing today and found out that Mr. Creer hadn't shown up.  There were a whole lot of pouting fans.  You know I hate disappointing fans."  He hung up on her huffing.  "She'll call back later."  He got her into the car and walked around to drive.  Before he could get in, someone came running his way.  He stared at them.  Then he got between the cars.  A cop was chasing them.  He tripped the guy, staring at him.  "Him, Officer?" he asked with a smile.

"Thank you, sir.  That was helpful," he panted.  He pulled the guy up to cuff him.  Xander got in to drive and took their chinese feast home.  Paula could complain later but the local entertainment people had the story of him being so nice to step in for the missing author.  She beamed and gave him extra noodles for it.

***

Paula stared at the two idiots under her control.  "Xander, that was very helpful but his publisher is a bit upset."

"He was due there over three hours earlier," Rick told her.  "It's unprofessional."

"It is, but they're still saying Xander needed the publicity."

"Not hardly," he snorted.  "I was being nice to the fans.  I also called the nice reporter who said I was a media whore earlier to correct that assumption.  Especially since I had done one earlier that day and was really tired."  She beamed at him for that.  "I may not have come off as very nice, but I did correct that I did it for the attention.  I also told her that I had plenty of attention and all the bad girls I could want."  Rick burst out snickering.  "And bad boys.  Did they like that present?"

"I did," Rick assured him.  "Thanks for that, kid."

"NP, Rick."  He looked at her again, seeing the confused look.  "The detective he's working with had a slight serial killer after her problem.  I guarded her for a few days."

"That's nice of you," she promised with a smile.

"Some of his contacts told him who it was and he gave him to us as a present," Rick added with a grin.

"I should spank him for that."

"Why?  He was trying to break in to hurt Miss Kitty.  Speaking of, do you like kittens?" he asked.

"No.  I don't need pets.  I'm too stressed for pets, Xander.  I'm sure her aunt will help her with them."  He nodded but grinned at that.  She stared at them.  "Rick, you got very high praise for staying late."

"I had a lot of people left in line.  It's unprofessional of me to leave when they're going to pout or something.  Then they quit buying."

"True."  She looked at Xander.  "I think it was very sweet but warn me first."

"Yes, Paula," he sighed, shifting in his seat.

"Good."  She handed over checks.  "Coming out party Thursday," she noted.  "Xander, suit.  Not separates.  No tie if you don't want to.  Don't make an ass out of yourself.  No sex in public."  He nodded at those rules.  "Who bought that outfit anyway?"

"Beckett took him to Filene's," Rick said with a smug look.

"I'll accept that.  It's not a thrift store."  She looked at Xander.  "Are you bringing Tara?"

"She said no.  They're doing a power raising ritual to help with one of the coven that's really sick."

"That's fine.   I was making sure I wouldn't have to help her find something to wear.  Rick, your mother and daughter?"

"I think she's going with Tara.  She has no idea what Wicca does or is so she's questioning.  Mother probably will.  She's in the new play and wants publicity."

"That's fine.  Make sure she doesn't get too tipsy like a few years back."

"I doubt she would."

"Good."  She smiled.  "Go play."  They got up and left.  "Oh, Xander, next week, not tomorrow.  They had advanced copies for a later signing I had planned."

"Oops.  Problems?"

"No.  I let that idiot have your later spot instead."  He grinned at her for that.  She went back to her notes and made sure she noted what had been talked about and that they had their checks.  The higher ups wanted more concrete notes about that stuff for some reason.  It wasn't like those two got into that many problems.  Though she did think someone had heard about the baby Xander had helped deliver in Germany.

***

Xander looked around the book coming out event, hanging out in his corner.  Rick's mother walked by with a smirk for him.  "I think my first one will have a DJ," he told her, making her cackle.

"You could go mingle, Xander."

"I'm not real comfortable around people."  He sipped his soda.

"Come on.  It'll do me good to have a young stud like you on my arm."  She walked him off, introducing him to people.  He was polite, a bit shy and stiff, but they all realized he wasn't really used to attention.  When someone showed up with a gun he stared at them.  Rick shook his head frantically from where he was so Xander relaxed and let them deliver their present to him.  It was planned and she was proud he hadn't pounced the guy.  She knew Tara had said he was very action oriented.  She introduced him to a few younger actresses and they didn't like him but one of the socialites did so that was nice.  She was even nibbling on his ear by the end of their short talk.  She left them alone to hit the bar for a new glass of wine and then to check on her poor, stuck in a corner by some woman, son.  "Rick."

"Mother."  He smiled and they had to make room for her.  "I see you introduced Alexian to his next bad girl."  The women around him giggled.  "He does date very bad girls."  A few went to talk to him.  He smiled at his mother in thanks for helping him and Alexian both.  He signed a few more books, another chest, and the party wound down.  Xander was yawning a little bit by the time he had walked the last young woman, of fifty pretending to be thirty, out to her car.  Rick smiled.  "The building had bouncers."

"Who were rushing off to catch a purse snatcher that got some diamonds one of the guests was wearing."  He opened another car door for another woman and she smiled, giving him a tip before getting in and letting her driver take her off.  He looked then put it into his pocket.  "I'll give it to Tara later."  He smiled at Meredith.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Xander.  I know Rick said you date bad girls but surely you can find *someone* decent sometime soon?"

"We all hope since his last one wanted them to be sixteen," Rick told her.  "Beckett had a lot of fun busting her."

Xander nodded.  "She did," he said through a yawn.  "Okay, I'm going to turn into a pumpkin."  He looked around, patting his pocket.  "Where's my keys?"

"You took a cab over," Rick reminded him.  "And they're in your back pocket."

The kid pulled them out with a frown, letting him take the 'suggestion' off it.  Meredith rolled her eyes but got the poor thing into a cab so he could head home.  "He really doesn't party all that often, does he," she said.

"No, Xander's not really a party boy.  Now and then he'll club but that's mostly to get laid."  He escorted her back upstairs to make sure everything was okay then back to the apartment so they could go to bed as well.  It had been a long night.  Alexis was having ice cream at the breakfast bar so he sat beside her.  "You okay?"

"I..."  She ate a bite then looked at him.  "I'm a bit confused."

"The first time I saw it work I got a bit confused too."

"Good.  That means I'm not alone.  I thought it was just a religion."

"It is for many.  For a very few, they're like faith healers who get it to work."

"Most of those are fakes."

"Yes, they are, but I've seen a few that could do it.  Tara's one of the few."

"If some wicca's are actual witches who can do stuff, what else is real, Dad?"

He smiled.  "Ask her.  I've only seen a bit of that world."  He patted her on the shoulder with a smile.  "You missed Xander picking up his next bad girl.  Your principal I might add.  Why did you get a note sent home?"

"I noted that not everyone was Christian and mentioned Hindu customs.  I know she's narrow minded."

"Apparently.  That I don't mind.  I like your mind being very open."  He stood up and smiled.   "Hit the bed sometime soon, Alexis.  You've got school and I've got work."  He went up to get comfortable and lay down to read.  Somehow Xander had gotten him hooked on that damn elf book of his.  Maybe his writing was like the sirens of myths?  He heard his daughter go to her room and it was good.  She would work this out in her own mind.  Tara was a good role model there.

Now if only he could get the dwarf jokes out of his head.

***

Xander strolled up to the desk at the station, handing the detective there a note.  "Limping?" he asked dryly.

"Tripped during a chase," he complained, looking at him.  "Let me guess, you dated?"

"No, I let her nibble on me at the book coming out party.  Did a bit of searching.  She's got ten open warrants in other states.  And she's near Castle's little girl.  One's for larceny but the others are listed as felony.  No note of what."

"Oooh," he said with a wince.  "I'll look.  Thanks, Harris."

"Not a problem.  Though I do need a new date."

He pointed at the board.  "Date the guy in the middle picture.  We need to arrest him."

Xander looked.  "I screwed him in the club.  Does that count?"

"Give me a list of those guys please?  That way I can up my case solve rate?"

Xander smirked.  "They could be bad in other areas, not just yours."  He left, going to do some minor house shopping.  He was bored.  Paula said not to write anything else for two more weeks.  What else was he supposed to do?

The detective put the name into his search engine, coming up with the warrants.  Yeah, that was bad.  He called Castle in to ask about her.  Apparently she had really screwed up in New Mexico.  "Thank you for introducing this one to Harris."

"What is she wanted for?" he sighed.

"Outstanding warrants."  He let him see.

"Crap.  It's her principal."

"Thank you."  He smiled.

"Welcome.  I've got to find someone decent for him to date.  Before that gift infects me or Alexis, or worse Tara."

"He said he and our suspect got funky in a club."

"Yay," he said flatly.  "I don't care if he is bi.  I don't want Alexis to be under this curse."  He walked off, going to tell his mother that.  Since she had introduced them.

***

Xander was out on the dance floor when someone came at him with a knife.  He grabbed them, turning them around so his arm was around their chest and one hand held the one with the knife.  "Morning," he said in the guy's ear.  "What were you planning?"

"You're dead!" he snarled, but Xander had him firmly held.  "Let me go!"

"Shut up.  The only way I'm letting you go is if the bouncer has pretty handcuffs for you."  He walked him to the bar, and the bartender called the bouncer in to handle it.  Xander handed him over.  "He came at me with a knife.  I don't even know him."

"You slept with my girlfriend!" he shouted.

Xander stared at him.  "I've slept with many women.  None that I knew were taken.  I don't touch what's owned by someone else."  The man growled and tried to get away.  "If I had known, I would've avoided her.  Though I don't know who you're talking about, but I generally don't touch those who're with someone."

"That's always a good plan, sir," the bouncer said.

Xander disarmed the guy and helped hold him down against the bar.  "Are you sure you even want me?  How do you know I did it?"

"You're the only one who looks like you, you gay bastard!"  He was still struggling.

Xander shrugged.  "I'll admit to bi.  I date too many evil girls for gay."  The bouncer snickered.  "I do."

"I'm sure you do, sir."  Officers came in.  "This one came at that one with a knife," he said, handing the knife over.

Xander shrugged.  "I don't know.  He told me I slept with his girlfriend but I don't touch those who're linked."

"Where did he try to attack you, sir?" one officer asked.

"In the middle of the floor."

"Do you know him?"

Xander looked then shook his head.  "No.  I don't think so."

"Sir, do we know you?" one of the officers asked.

"I'm an author.  A sci-fi/fantasy author.  Before you ask, I did not set this up.  You guys have arrested a lot of my former dates because I only draw the evil ones.  I guess his evil one lied.  Which, I know, what a shock."  He shrugged and walked off.

The bouncer coughed.  "The last time he was in here, we had to stop two girls from slicing each other to offer him the blood."

"Eww."  They got the guy handcuffed and took him with his knife.  Maybe they'd find out what he was talking about.  The desk sergeant knew though.  Apparently the guy was almost a legend around the PD now.  It worked for them.  Though the girlfriend was a mystery the guy wouldn't talk about.

***

Xander looked up from his writing when someone pounded on the door.  "What?" he called.

"Xander?" Rick called.  "Let me in."

Xander got up to let him in.  "How long did you knock?"

"About five minutes.  Writing again?"

"Paula said I could since the new series is well liked."  He grinned.  "So?  What's up?"

"That guy that tried to knife you in the club.  Who's his girlfriend?"

"No clue.  He didn't say.  Just that I had slept with his girlfriend.  No pictures of her?"

"No.  He did vow that she'd get him free and get you for having him arrested."

Xander nodded.  "Okay, I'll be a bit more careful."

"Good."  He smiled, looking around.  "She really does like plants, doesn't she?"

"Yup.  Though right now, half of those are kitty grass and things for her."  Miss Kitty jumped up to meow at them.  "Hi, Miss Kitty.  How're you feeling?"  He checked.  "Your kittens are getting huge.  We have to find out what we need for kitty births."  He looked at Rick again.  "Let me know if you find out and I'll see what I wrote down about her.  I've been trying to keep notes on them in case something else happens."

"That'll work.  Just try to be safe, kid."

"I try."  He smiled.  "Then again, not too many people try to jump me these days."

"Good point."  He smirked.   "Beckett is trying to break him so we know for sure."  He patted him on the arm.  "Tral is addictive.  Are you maybe a siren?"

Xander snickered.  "No.  He's just good, dirty fun.  Even if they did make me take out that tree scene."

"Tree scene?  I got to where they kicked him out for the tree but I guess that's what they took out?"

Xander got into his files, printing it out for him.  Rick read it on the way to the car, bursting out laughing once he was out there.  Xander came bouncing down.  "Oh, that's so wicked."  Xander beamed.  "Thanks, kid."

"Welcome.  I needed to hit the pet store anyway so thank you for bringing me out of the story."  He got into his car and headed off.

Rick went back to work.  He knew one of the guys on the floor was reading the same stories so he handed him that snippet, making him cackle too.  "They made him remove it and make it more subtle."  He went back to helping break the idiot with the knife.   They needed to know which woman it was who wanted to kill the kid this time.

Kate took the scene to read, grimacing at it.  "What?"

"Tral, the half-elf?  That was a part of book three that they made him take out."

"I'd declare peace if my greatest warrior was caught doing that to a tree too," she decided, walking off shaking her head.  Sometimes the kid's head was very odd.

***

Xander walked into Tara's aunt's shop, looking at the new desk girl.  He had no idea who she was.  "Tara?" he called.

"Sir, this is a private business," the young woman snapped.

He stared at her.  "Tara is the shop owner's niece, lady, and I don't know you so I won't ask what she's working on right now because you might not know."  Her aunt came out of the back.  "Tara said she was here.  She's not at home.  Miss Kitty is in the middle of giving her grandkids.  Many, many grandkids."

Tara's aunt snickered.  "Ten?"

"Six so far and she's going hard.  In my closet of course."

"Of course.  You know she loves your closet, Xander.  She's not here though."

"She said she was coming here when she jogged out about a half hour ago."

"Have you tried her cell?"

"It's on the dresser."

"Oh."  She grimaced, going to ask a few people if they had seen her.

"I knew I should've walked her," he complained.  One of the other coven came down the stairs.  "Have you seen Tara?  She's getting furry grandkids and was heading here about a half hour ago."

"Oh, dear.  No, I haven't.  How many so far?"

"Six.  Working on seven through one zillion."

She pinched him on the cheek.  "Cats can't have that many, boy.  Are you going to make her adopt them out?"

"I said she can keep two.  But they're getting fixed."  She smiled and nodded.  "Anyway, with the guy who tried to knife me because he said I slept with his girlfriend, who I have no idea the identity of, and she's not here yet....."

"I know."

Tara's aunt came out of the office.  "She's at the bakery.  She ducked in there because she thought someone was following her."

Xander went that way, shaking his head the whole block.  He walked in and stared at her.  "Just following you?" he asked dryly, staring at the black eye.

"It's fine."

"I'll kick their fucking ass, Tara.  Who hit you?"

"Hey!" the counter boy said.

Xander looked at him.  "She's like my sister.  I'm going to ruin someone for doing that to her."  He looked at her.  "Well?"

"Someone at the library?" she guessed.  He stared her down.  "I don't know."

"You see him, you point him out to me.  Like the muggers, he'll never do it again."  He walked her up the street.  "Here we go.  She used the 'someone fell' excuse."  Tara's aunt tutted and took her to the office to check her over.  He looked at the other coven member, shaking his head.  "You'd figure the mugger I made run up the light pole to get away from me for trying her would've told others."

"I would think that, yes," she said with an evil smirk.

He stared back.  "The last time I saw that look, Willow turned me furry."  She cackled, giving him a hug before walking off.  "When you're done, you need to come play mediwitch to the cat, Tara."

She came hurrying out.  "We have kittens?"

"We had six when I left."  She took his arm and walked him out, going back to the house very quickly.  "My closet.  Right under the organizer."  She giggled, getting some wet food and clean water to bring up there.  He sat down, turning on the tv.

"Xander!" she shouted.

He jumped up and ran up the stairs, staring at the box.  "Let me check the other things.  Are they okay?"  She nodded.  Miss Kitty was dead.  "Get the kitty out of her."  She nodded, working it out.  He called the shop on the way.  "It's Xander.  Tell her that Tara's cat died in the middle of labor.  She needs to take her to the vet's now to see if there's any others we can save."  He hung up and checked.  "They're going to be very sorry.  They came in the front door."  He called in the break-in.  He checked.  The gun cabinets were still locked when he undid them.  There was nothing missing.  There was a rose on Tara's bed that he hadn't put there and he knew hadn't been there earlier.  He carefully checked in her closet.  Nothing.  Someone pounded so he let the officer in.  "I found a rose on her bed that I didn't put there.  She's up in my room with the cats."  Tara's aunt was behind them and hurried up to help her.  "Was it natural?" he called.

"No, baby, it was poison."  She came down with the birthing box they had set up and Tara sniffling beside her.  "I think there's a few more.  We need to get to the vet," she told the officer.

"I'll want a report on what killed her, ma'am."

"Of course."  She walked out with Tara.

Xander looked at them.  "I have no clue.  I do date bad girls but damn if this was one of them.  They know not to touch Tara and that she's like my sister.  Also that I'll turn into Ares if I have to so she's protected."

"Calm down for now, sir.  It could be nothing.  The cat could've gotten into a plant that was poisonous."

Xander stared at him.  "That cat was like Tara's kid.  There's nothing poisonous around here."

"You checked with a nursery?"

"Yup, and Tara's Wicca.  She knows more about plants than some teachers of herbology."

"Okay.  That's good to know.  Can you find the source?"

Xander went to look around again.  He found it and grabbed one of the socks he hated to wear, so it was clean and in the drawer, carrying it down.  "I know damn well we don't have that in the house.  Tara gets this herbal mix for bug stuff."  He let them take it.  "You can have the sock too.  I hate that pair."

"Try to stay calm, sir.  Let us handle it."

Xander stared at him then smiled.  "Of course I will.  Unless I hear first."  They nodded at that, making notes of it.  They left after making the report for their insurance and Xander started to call around.  If this was hunting related, he was going to go back to being Xander.  If this was girlfriend related, he could stay Alexian and let the cops handle it.  What he heard did not amuse him.  He called a warning out to LA then sat down to wait, worry, and seethe.  The local watcher had known after the fact but hadn't had time to warn him.  His girl was in danger too and he had to protect her.  Xander had offered his help but he said he had it and they were going to LA that night.  Tara came back sniffling with the box of kittens.  Her aunt followed and shut the door.  "What can I do to help?" he asked quietly.

"Find the person and kill them," Tara said bluntly.

"The Council."  She stared.  "They were taunting on their way out of town.  They came after the local girl because she's been sick recently.  She got mono and they're sure she's going to be called during it."

"Faith?" she asked quietly.

"I warned.  She's going to be safe.  The local girl is headed out to be safe with them tonight."  She nodded, sitting next to him.  "Since they're cowards, we'll deal with them when they show up the next time.  I will be making them sorry little fuckers."  He gave her a squeeze.  "How can I help?"

"We need to bottle feed them," she said, taking them to hold in her lap.  "They saved one."

"Wonderful."  He smiled.  "We can have furry grandkids.  You know that.  I'll even let you keep three instead of two."  She smiled and nodded, letting her aunt run out for kitten milk and bottles.  "How do we teach them to use litter?"

She smiled sadly.  "They'll know.  I'll help."  He nodded and they settled in to help the kittens so they thrived.  He didn't need to write for the next few days anyway.   Or the next few weeks really.  Tara would grieve for a while but he'd help her too.  It was the sort of guy he was.

***

Xander walked into the station, going to the visitor's section.  He waved at someone and they scowled, following him.  He found his idiot being visited and tapped her on the shoulder.  "Excuse me, Miss Watchers Council?"   She gasped, staring at him.  He smirked.  "I thought I knew you."  He looked at the idiot.  "Is she the one I supposedly slept with?  Because I'd never do that.  I hate Watchers."  The man gaped then started to babble at them.  The detectives hauled him off to talk to him and her too.  He walked out, shaking his head.  He had another stop to make.  The British Embassy.  He walked in and smiled.  "Hi, I need to see your Watchers Council member on staff please?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, sir," the receptionist said pleasantly.  He pulled out his original ID and held it up, making her gasp.  "Oh, I see."

"I'd like to see the coward that just pissed off the whole Sunnydale team," he said quietly.  "I promise I'll be gentle and only yell at him for his cowardly behavior of breaking into my apartment and poisoning a pet."  She ran off.  He stared at the higher embassy member.  "I know you're not one.  It's really dumb of them to have their membership online where any hacker like Rosenburg can find it."

"Oh, dear, you know them?"  Xander held up his ID with a smirk.  "Hmm."  He held up a picture from the prom.  "Oh!"

"And he just proved what cowards and losers they are.  I'd like to point that out to him if I may.  Before Tara loses it in her grief over her familiar."

"He did...."

"No, she did," he said, taking the printout out of his pocket to hand over.  "It was her, one of my neighbors saw her coming up the stairs."

"Oh," he said weakly.  "Let's do this in my office, shall we?"

"Sure."  Xander followed him, smirking at the other Watcher in residence.  He hauled him with him.  "You can join us since you guys just pissed off the *whole* Sunnydale team."  He pushed him into the office first.  The other one was sent for.  He stared at him.  "So, did you help the cowardly bitch?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Harris."

"The attack on Tara's familiar.  Who was in the middle of having kittens."  The man flinched.  "She's already cried on Willow and Daniel and Buffy and Faith and the local girl's shoulders.  Plus her aunt's coven's shoulders.  You'll find I'm the reasonable one at the moment."

"It's just a cat," the embassy person said.

"To some, their pets are closer than their children.  Especially since Sunnydale radiation means that it's less likely for her to be able to have kids."

"It is?" the watcher demanded.

"Yeah, heard that from many sources."  He looked over as the woman was let in.  "Oh, good, the cowardly bitch is here."  She flinched, staring at him.  "Yeah, we know it was you.  By the way, the fingerprints matched.  Your car door?  A goldmine of them."

"You had no right," she said.

"Yeah I did.  You broke into my house."  He smirked.  "By the way, this is a warning that you've now pissed off the whole team and Rosenburg started to go dark about what you did.  We had to knock her out three times so far to keep her from going after you."  The woman swallowed.  "Daniel said to quit doing it."

"Daniel?" the other watcher asked.

"Her husband."

"Oh," he said flatly, backing away.  "Do we think she'll go after the Council?"

"I think she'll go after some members."  He smiled sweetly.  "And I think if she stays in New York, I'm going to make sure that I cancel every single one of my kitten poker debts.  All the dream demons that owe me.  All the mental ones that owe me.  The three vengeance ones who owe me a hell of a lot."  He looked at her again.  "And all the others."  She was shaky and white now.  "Your choice of course.  I realize you're on native soil, and you might even have diplomatic immunity.  Which do you think will win?  Magic and demons or the Council?"

"You've messed with things you don't know about," she said stiffly, raising her chin.

"Really?  Since, ya know, I was born there?"  She gaped in horror.  He smirked and took off the necklace he wore.  "When we moved to LA, after Sunnydale got shut down because I turned in a few cults, Tara made it for me so I quit drawing worshiping demons."  She shuddered and backed away.  "I would sincerely like you out of my country.  Willow suggested you leave the same plane she's on, but I know that takes going to the travel agency on 12th.  Oh, by the way, had to clean up that mess you made with the guardian clan.  Someone realized I might know and called me down to read what was written around her."  She flinched at that.  "Also, some of us are the hunters in this city.  We do tend to keep track of all the beings you've killed.  Sentient, thinking beings who had no intention of causing harm."

"Can you prove she did?" the embassy worker asked.

"Yes, I can," Xander said, handing over a small disc from his back pocket.  "From the town's Overlord."  The man moaned.  He looked at her again.  "You know, if you guys weren't such failures at what you do, it'd be amusing.  Unfortunately you've failed for years by making the girls act like underage soldiers and spies.  We kinda proved it didn't work since Buffy's now twenty-four."  She growled and came at him.  He just moved out of her way.  She hit the desk.  "I won't even try to hit you back since we're on your native soil, lady.  Beyond that, you're not worth breaking a sweat or the cost of a bullet.  This is the only warning anyone in the group is going to give you so I'd scoot home.  Quickly."

Thunder went off outside.  "Oooh, I think Willow's here."  She fled.  The other one fled with her.  He looked at the older guy.  "Sorry to air that in public but they also used a biological weapon on their local pre-slayer."  He pointed.  "That's on there as well.  Blood workups."  He walked out, heading home.  He dropped the tape recorder on the table, smiling at Tara and taking a kitten to feed.  "Go hide those better, Tara."  She went to do a better invisibility charm on the higher weapons stored in the back of her closet.  He sat down to cuddle, coo, and feed the babies.  Willow could handle it.  They'd handle her if she went evil again.

***

Xander got the page to come down to the station, walking in and handing over the tape.  "I did not threaten her.  I informed her of a threat to her miserable, worthless life."

"Sir, this woman committed suicide."

"Good.  Since she broke into our house to poison my near-sister's cat while she was giving birth.  She dosed a young local girl with a bioweapon to make her very ill since she was considered too weak to do her calling.  She's better now.  She's in LA."  He laid out the copies of what he had given.  "That note is where I went to warn her that her minute speck of soul was in danger from her unworthy of being called human actions."

The detective listened to the tape, which was what he had gotten from the embassy.  Then he looked over the evidence.  He nodded at it.  "That explains why she noted in her suicide note that you drove her to it."

"I would've killed her but she wasn't worth my energy expenditure."  He stared at the officer.  "You don't torture people.  You don't take out a lot of them because you consider them not human.  You sure as hell don't break into my apartment and poison pets.  Especially with that little price her group has on my head."  He handed over that note with a grin.  "I wanted to get a few words in before someone else got her.  She needed to hear that her soul wasn't worthy of an afterlife; even hell wouldn't want that thing."  He stood up.  "Am I in trouble?"

"Um...  I'll see," he said.

"I'm at home nursing kittens."  He left.

The detective brought it to his boss, who was pissed that she had done that.  He knew the unofficial code about demons.  He called the person over that matter.  He said to leave the boy alone.  He had the right to do it.  Someone would talk to the boy about anger management classes.  He told the detective that and it got filed away.

***

Beckett knocked on the door, getting the boy and his ...helper.  "I don't know why I got nominated to talk to you about your hatred of British people."  She walked inside, letting him shut the door.

"I don't hate all of them.  Just the ones who belong to the ancient and secret society of the Watchers Council."  He sat down, going back to his feeding.  "Sorry, it's time."  He nodded.  "Can you feed her?  This one's being picky and she's going to start howling soon."

"I guess."  She sat down to feed the kitten a bottle.  "You know that the English are our allies?  All that?"

"Yup.  All but them.  Especially since they still have a price on my head.  In the case of the two at the embassy, it was fair warning that I was going to make them leave this city for good.  Protecting myself and any others from weak minded plans."

"How is their former girl here in town?"

"Buffy's mom has adopted her, against her Watcher's orders.   They decided she was too weak to do the job if she did get called since they had plans of taking Faith out in jail."  He looked up at her.  "Between her genocidal delusions, that price on my head, and them going after her for having emotions that she let out a few times, I want them off this plane too.  Preferably before I send Tara on retreat for a week or so."

"Is she not okay?  Did they dose her too?"

"These all belonged to her cat, who was the only stable love she had through all the Sunnydale and Willow stuff," he said quietly, staring at her.  "Plus, as we recently found out, it's possible these are her only kids.  There's too much radiation out there that probably screwed things up.  It could never happen and she wants to be a mom some year."

"You aren't as worried about that?" she asked.

"Men make more sperm every few days.  You girls don't."

"Oh," she said flatly, nodding she understood that.  "How possible is it?"

"Fairly if what we've heard is true.  Miss Kitty was the one truly happy, special, loving thing she got out of all the drama in Sunnydale.  The first really special thing she got since her mother died."

"I didn't know that."

Xander nodded.  "So yeah, what they did was so low it's beneath hell and she was causing other problems.  That scene in the park?  That was her doing."  She shuddered, looking back at the cat.  "Plus hurting the girl because, oh my god, she wanted to cry over a movie of all things.  That she was getting emotional like a real girl."  Beckett scowled.  "So they gave her mono on purpose and set out a nice notice to the local underground where she lived."  She shuddered.

"Very few wanted to go after her and only a few of those actually did.  Thankfully she was with Tara aunt at the shop trying some teas to see if they could help her feel better faster.  I think that's why they went after her familiar.  It's still the move of a coward and if she had stayed I would've sent out the same sort of notice with her home address.  Tara's well loved because she'll help anyone who needs her help, even if they are from a violent clan, even if they had tried to attack her before."

"She's a very gentle soul," she agreed.  She looked around.  "Is she at work?"

"She and her aunt are burying Miss Kitty's ashes.  I offered to come along but she told me it was a witch thing."  He shrugged one-sidedly and finished up with the kitten, getting the next one.  "Thanks for the help."

"Not a problem.  Can you try to be more circumspect?"

"These little guys need to be fed every two hours," he told her.  She smirked.  "Yeah, I was running on six days of no sleep.  Or else I would've ambushed her at her car."

"It was nice that you handed over that fingerprint.  Even though she did have immunity."

"That way her own people are aware of the sort she is.  London has one of the biggest underground communities.  They live in an uneasy truce with the Council.  They know not to go after the girls, even the not called girls.  They know not to go after the Sunnydale team because they know we'll end them faster and more meanly if we have to.  The ones we took down didn't get nice funerals," he said at her look.  "Like with Glory - if we have to destroy you, we will.  Then we'll go have chinese."  He went back to feeding the cat.  "I'm not so sure Tara won't need to take a grief leave retreat.  She can't center herself and she can't seem to move on yet.  Right now she's walking around like she's a ghost."

"You get that when you have that tight of relationships.  Didn't you ever have a pet?"  He shook his head.  "Most pet owners are that torn up, kid."

"It's been two weeks and I don't mind that she's so torn up but by now I'd have expected at least a few bright, happy moments to appear.  Like when one of the kittens made it out of their birthing box, she didn't even smile.  She started to cry."

"That could be bad, yeah."  She looked toward the door and he nodded he knew someone was there.  "She'll get there."

"I was going to suggest a few days at our cabin out of town so she could get closer to nature again.  I can handle them most of the time on my own."  Tara came in and stared at him.   He held up the cat, letting her cuddle it.  "They're not Miss Kitty but they're not the sort to make you cry."

She sat down next to him, taking the bottle to feed him.  "I'm trying."

"I think maybe you need some recentering time.  Some time alone to grieve, let it go, let the goddess handle it for you, and then come back to them," he said quietly.

She nodded.  "I might."

"Then you can go to the cabin.  It's in the middle of nowhere, or it's near cousin."  She let out a small, timid smile.  He hadn't seen that since her first few months of dating Willow.  He put an arm around her shoulders.  "It'll be okay.  I'm not saying it's time to quit grieving, but it's time to not wallow in it.  It's time to let some happies in.  Like that one earlier I put into the litter box.  She buried herself but she seemed to get the point.  Pooped right next to it."  She snickered.  "See?  I've missed that."

She nodded, kissing him on the cheek.  "I know.  I have too."  She took the other kitten back.  "I'm sorry he made you help."

"It's all right.  I've never fed a kitten before."  She looked at the boy.  "Be less obvious."

"I will be.  I'll just send out something with her address and list of sins."

"Please don't.  I don't want to answer that homicide."

"They'd probably give her to someone who'd eat her," Tara offered.

"So just a missing person's case?" she said dryly.  "Still not a thing the good side does."  She stood up, staring at Xander.  "That was your one strike."

"Did you hear that the guy who tried to knife me was one of them?  That her sister had sicced him on me with that lie?"  He smirked.

"I hadn't."

"Yeah.  I gave that stuff to the same detective who looked that over."

"Huh.  I'll look into that.  Still, no more.  Unless they're attacking you."  She stared at him.  "And find a way to get rid of the artillery.  If you need it in this city, we'd all better know in the PD."

"What artillery?" he asked.

"The stuff you have in that storage area on 5th that you go to every few weeks, kid."

"That's not artillery.   That's another poker circuit.  That's actually more mobbed up demons than the ones I took you too.  Some have paid me in guns.  That AK came from them.  The armor piercing bullets too.  Because if I need them to get through body armor or shells, it's a dire need."

She stared.  "I want an inventory."

"Hell no!  You'll try to confiscate it on me," he said bluntly, staring at her.  "Beyond that, I'd probably be paid in some next week when the one mobbed up demon who owes me about 400 kittens gets paid."

"Does he sell to humans or anyone who might use it against the country or city?"

Xander considered that.  "I don't know," he admitted.  "I know he won't sell to humans.  He considers most of us pets.  I kinda get around that due to some biological contamination and exposure I got way back when."  She looked confused.  "Swim coach wanted us to be faster.  So he exposed us to mythical sea creature DNA.  Some of them turned black and monsterish.  Which is why I went undercover to see what was going on."  She whimpered.

"It doesn't beat thanksgiving when you got given those diseases," Tara said quietly.

"Rodney said that their doc could find it," he admitted.

"I thought they left when the ghosts did," Tara said, looking at him.

"Apparently not as much as we thought."

"What?" Beckett demanded.  Xander got into his laptop, letting her read that incident.  She got done and stared at them.  "They can get that from you?" she demanded.  He nodded slowly, looking confused.  "What are you doing to stop them?"

"Marital arts class?  Weapons?" he guessed.  "Demons don't want it?"

"With the women you date...."  Tara burst out in giggles.  "Some might be."

"I'm not in any system as having them.  You, the team, I think someone told Castle, and Rodney's people know."

"Who's Rodney?" she demanded.

"Remember the bodyguards on my European trip?"  She nodded at that.  "The two later ones were John and Rodney, who are both on a special ops military project that I think is very good.  I had some implanted stuff for them from when Willow sent me to that DCIS world."

She gaped.  "What do they do?"

"John's a colonel, Rodney's a physicist.  He kept saying ghosts giving diseases were illogical."  He shrugged.  "I trust them.  So unless someone like NID breaks into their records again, no one knows."

"You have security here, right?" she asked, looking around.  Xander pointed at the weapons cabinet.  "No, I mean like an alarm?  Some way to get some help if you're attacked by a gang?  Does EMS know?"

"It's not really more than what you get if you've had measles from what I understood," Xander told her.

She huffed.  "Measles isn't as dangerous as those."  She walked off shaking her head, going to talk to her boss and the guy who overlorded any demon issues the NYPD ran into.  She walked past Castle.  "Thanksgiving," she said, staring at him.  He shuddered.  "So you knew?"

"I have known.  It's in a sealed file in DC that NID has rated 'too difficult unless you find him in a coma'."

"Follow."  She walked into the office, closing the door once he was in there.  She looked at the other higher up.  "Harris."

"Has he apologized?"

"He's running on lack of sleep.  The kittens are being bottle fed since they killed Tara's familiar.  Probably for the slayer in training getting help from her after they dosed her with mono on purpose."

"I heard that.  He's still too blunt."

"He had a point.  I don't want them here either.  The list of what she caused to die or killed is horrifying."

"True.  Did you meet anyone when he took you to play poker?"

"A few.  All very nice to me and a few who had dirty thoughts about me in Tara's corset dresses."  She stared at her boss then at him.  "Thanksgiving."

"This years?" he guessed.

"Harris has...been gifted with some ....issues thanks to something that happened on one," Castle told him.

"Be less obtuse, Castle.  How do you know?"

"I like the kid.  Tara and my daughter hang out all the time too."

Beckett looked at him.  "They may be right about Sunnydale's radiation sterilizing people."

"I suggested someone she should see.  She's avoiding it."

"Right now she's pretty deep in her grief.  She can't even smile when the kittens do cute things."  She looked at her boss again then back at Castle.  "Do you have a copy of that report?"

He looked in his PDA, nodding.  He handed it over.  "I figured it might be pertinent some day.  Especially with the two military guys that guarded him on that signing trip."

"Their special project?"

"More mind altering than watching Tara fuss with plants from across the room?" he suggested.

"Good to know."

"Presidential oversight only.  I only got hints of what it's doing but the kids seems to think it's a good thing."

The higher up stared at Beckett.  "Really?"  She nodded.  "Is he safe?"

"He seems to think so.  Like anyone who's had measles as he put it."

"Security system on their apartment?"

"He pointed at his weapons cabinet and that's not a storage area, it's a mobbed up demon poker circuit.  Thanks to his time on the swim team he's accepted?"  He found that mention and whined.  She took it to read over then handed the PDA back to Castle.   "He doesn't have a suicide patch as far as I know."

"No, he doesn't," Rick agreed.  "He doesn't do too many dangerous things though."

"If someone finds out, he's in trouble and so is everyone else," the higher up said.  "I'll put a small word in the ear of EMS," he decided, looking at her.  She looked relieved.  "Any other issues?" he asked that team.

Castle shook his head.  "Not that I know of."

"They said if she came back and the demons got pointed in her direction, like she did to the girl in training locally, they'd probably eat her so we'd have a missing persons case instead of a homicide."

"Good to know.  They can help with that," he agreed.  "I know a body parts procurer was using a few that way."  He grimaced while she and Castle shuddered.  "I heard about your serial one.  Different person but thank you for catching him."  He looked at their captain then back at the detective.  "What did you want to suggest?"

"Security system beyond Tara and the weapons?  I did advise him to either hide any higher weapons better or to get rid of them.  He said he didn't have any."

"Where are they?" Rick asked.

"He won't say.  With the layout of the apartment, I'd bet on some off-site storage.  He said he'd probably be getting some from a poker debt soon."  The higher up snorted.  "I don't know, sir, and I'm scared to ask.  I did ask for an inventory but he said I'd confiscate so no."

"I'd trust the boy not to use it," he admitted.  "Though why is he not sleeping?"

"Kittens need bottle fed every 2 hours," she said.

"Oh.  I didn't know that."  He considered it.  "For how long?"

"I think six weeks," she admitted.  "Six or eight to weaning.  I counted eleven kittens."

"Castle, can your daughter babysit some night?  The kid without sleep is probably not a good thing."

"I can volunteer to take the weapons cabinet keys," he offered.  "She might want to keep one."

"True."  He considered it again.  "Okay, someone talk to the boy about the benefits of a security system.   I'll drop a word to EMS about him having been exposed to those two diseases.   Can they find it?"  She nodded.  "We're sure?"

"He said Rodney said you could find it."

"Damn it.  Talk to him about a suicide patch?  It might be handy for hunting if he's captured.  Rule out him being sacrificed, that stuff?"

"I can try," Rick offered.

"Thank you.  You're on good terms with him?"

"Yeah.  Tara and Alexis are shopping buddies."

"Even better."  He smiled.  "Can we find him a non-toxic boy or girlfriend?"

"Please do," Castle said.  "Before that gift or curse rubs off on me or my daughter.  Or worse, my mother.  She introduced him to his last one.  She ended up with ten warrants from Arizona."

"Wonderful.  See if you can find them someone naughty but not evil."

"For some reason my ex-wife likes him but he said she's a lot like the ex who became a nun after cheating on him."  Beckett looked at him, giving him that look.  "He walked in on her and Tara's ex on the couch together."

"Ooh," she said with a wince.

"He said she was always talking about and wanting sex and money.  Got so far as to call sex orgasms.  Nothing less worked for her.  Which is why some of his dates complain that they're really exhausted as they're being arrested.  So when given a chance, he cast a wish to redeem her.  That she'd find faith and charity.  She countered it with one for him to get really famous and get groupies, but that he'd dump them and go back to her when they got boring.  She's just taken her full vows a few months back."  She cackled.  "Tara blessed her ex to find a nice man who wanted a lot of kids.  His name is Daniel.  He's from near Cork, Ireland."  She snickered at that, shaking her head.  "Apparently my ex reminds him a lot of Anya, that ex."

The Captain and the other higher up both shook their heads.  "Introduce him to some socialites," the Captain ordered.

"I have.  The nice ones won't give him the time of day.  The naughty ones have decided to get into a system of going even worse to get his attention and the truly evil we've mostly arrested."

"Wonderful," the higher up said, looking upset.  "Well, try.  Please."  He walked out, going to talk to the head of the paramedics in the fire department.  This was information they didn't want to get out but someone had to know before they got accidentally exposed.

The captain looked at them.  "Anything else I need to hear?"

She nodded.  "Tara may be out of town for a few days on grief leave."

"That's fine.  I'll check to make sure he's going to be okay with the little furry monsters."  He walked out, going out to the desk.  The other guys they worked with were staring at him.  "Funny story about Harris."

"Someone else he dated?"

"An ex.  One he found cheating.  So he cursed her money grubbing and nympho self to be a nun."  They both burst out laughing.  "Yeah, I liked that idea too.  It's very mean."  He cracked open the latest Tral book then sighed and handed it off.  "It's addictive.  Don't let me have it back.   I don't know how he did it but it's rotting my brain at the moment."

Beckett came out, looking at the book then at him.  "You read fantasy?"

"Alexis got me the first one as a tease.  I ran out of stuff to read and didn't want to reread that night.  So I picked up that one to see how good he really was.  With the way he sells I'd expect him to be next to King.  That series is addictive.  I swear it is."

She shook her head.  "How bad can it be?"

One of the other detectives looked over.  "I've reread that series four times," he called. "Is that the latest one?"  Castle nodded, smiling at him.  "Can I bum it, Castle?  I can't get a new copy until the library gets it in."

"Sure."  He came over to get it, taking a coffee break for a few minutes to start it. He looked at the others.  "Harris also is an idea generator.  If I'm near him for over ten or twenty minutes I get ideas.  A lot of ideas."  He looked at Beckett.  "This upcoming convention is going to be insane."

"When is it?"

"Six weeks in LA."

"Have fun."

"I usually do.  I do a lot on the newbie panel.  The kid does the young writer's most years.  It's a lot of fun.  The farce panel is the best."

"Like cop conventions, you guys get to revel in being book nerds who write around others," Espisito said.

"A lot, and there's clubbing after hours," Castle shot back with a wicked smirk.  He watched as a small thing went running past, naked.  It was bright purple so hard to miss.  He pointed.  The others all shook their heads.  They hadn't wanted to see it.

Beckett looked when it came back, clearing her throat.  "If that's a lost poker bet, do it somewhere else," she hissed.  It nodded and ran off, going out the fire escape.   She sighed, getting back to her paperwork.  "Does anyone non military know?" she asked finally, looking at Castle.

"Not that I'm aware of.  NID hates the kid.  Apparently in that cabin problem he had in Colorado, he caught one trying to break in and made him regret life."

"Where is the new one?"

"I think Missouri.  I'm not sure.  I know it's in the woods outside a small town that's almost in the middle of nowhere.  He did a lot of work on it while he had that broken rib too."

"Ow," she said, rubbing the last one she had broken.

"No.  Ow was him being so mad he was chopping trees the day after he left town to hit the first cabin," he assured her.

She whined.  "Painkillers?"

"Nope."

"Damn."

"Yup."  She walked off to get more coffee, shuddering.

"He was doing what?" the captain asked.

"When Harris bought that first cabin in Colorado, he was so upset with our publisher that he chopped down seven or eight trees.  He also had a broken rib at the time."

"That boy needs help."

"Tara has him well in hand most of the time," he admitted.  The captain walked off nodding.

"Why can't he date Tara?" she asked as she came back.

"Tara's a lesbian?  Also, they're too close to date.  They're like siblings."  He shrugged.  "I'm hoping Tara finds someone nice and sweet.  She deserves one and needs one."

"Maybe they have a slightly wicked sister for the kid," one of the other guys said.  "A past criminal history but went straight sort."

"Could be," he admitted.  Anything was possible but that had started a very heavy idea.  He took some paper and a pen to write it down, earning a smirk from Beckett.  He hadn't been this inspired in a long time.  Maybe they made drugs to slow the flow down.  Like they did for diarrhea.

***

Alexis ran into Tara at home later that night.  Her dad had said she was still upset over losing her cat.  She cooed at the kittens, helping Xander feed them.  The girls talked while Xander slept sitting up while holding a bottle in the cat's mouth.  It finally napped with him so she carefully took it and the bottle while Tara got him laying down.  The girls took the cats back to Alexis's house.  Her father groaned when he saw the box.  "Xander finally fell asleep, Dad.  He needed it."

"I agree he needed it but you can't have a cat."

"I know.  They're going to Tara's aunt's friends."  She settled down to watch a movie while helping her.

Her grandmother came in and paused.  "Tara, dear.  It's good to see you out and about."

"I'm still sad."

"Dear, it was just a cat."

"Grandmother, some people are closer to their pets than they are to others," Alexis told her.  "Especially if you can't have kids or don't have any yet."

"Nonsense.  You should get out and date, Tara.  You're pretty and young.  That's what youth is for."

Tara blushed but shook her head.  "I can't find any nice girls.  I've had a few but they were too tough."

"Hmm.  I'll ask around for you, dear."  She patted them on the head, staring at the cats.  "I remember doing that with your father a few times."

"Xander hasn't slept in about a week because they need fed every two hours right now," Alexis told her.

"So did he for a few weeks."  She got something to drink and went up to her room.  She didn't want mushy thoughts about kittens.

Rick snickered from his desk.  Tara walked in and handed over the bag.  "What's this?"

She smiled shyly.  "Xander found things online and they talked about plotbunnies."  She went back to helping feed her kittens.  She should be doing more than Xander was.  He needed to write.

He stared at the small stuffed bunny and the bunny cup.  Then out at the girls.  He decided to look up plotbunnies and groaned.  He had avoided thinking about those sort of things for years.  "Do these infect him too?"

"He said that they nibble others.  He just watches and smiles."  She smirked.  "He said he found the first one for Tral.  Tral and one of the warriors of Ethoa."

He shook his head quickly.  "I don't want that thought, Tara."  She giggled.  He got up to get some water and went back to writing.  Maybe the plotbunny had some power.  He was getting a new idea.  For a whole different book than he was working on.  He put them behind him on the shelf and got back to it.  Though he did have to make the stuffed rabbit quit staring at him.  It was almost creepy with what those things were.  Alexis finally crashed and she was gathering up the furry beasts to take home.  "Tara?" he called quietly.  She came into the office.   "Beckett had to tell a few people about his exposures," he said quietly.

"I thought she might to keep them safe in case he got really hurt."

"One higher up and he'll be telling one of the paramedics so it's not an open secret."  She nodded.  "But things were suggested to keep you two safer in case it did get into the open.  Things like a security system for your apartment?  Maybe with an emergency switch for you?  That way if you get mugged or something, he doesn't have to beat them for you?"  She shifted but shrugged.  "There was also talk of someone mentioning a security switch inside him."  She looked clueless.  "A suicide switch, Tara.  So in case he's about to be sacrificed to some higher being, it ruins it, or in case someone captures him?  So they can't get his blood?"

She swallowed.  "I know he knows what they are.  One appeared in a book.  I don't know if he'd go for it or not."

"You might want to mention it to him.  That way no one else has to.  That way you two could talk about it.  If he wants, I can probably get the name of someone."  He stared at her.  "The same as I did for you."

She blushed, ducking her head down.  "I'm not sure I want to know."  She glanced up.  "It's like asking for future trouble."

"If you know then maybe it can be weeded down or something.  Maybe a way around it found."  She shifted but shrugged a bit.  "Just something to think about but...."  He found something on his computer and printed it, handing it to her.  "We can do that.  So it's still yours."

She read it then looked at him.  "We can?"  He smiled and nodded.  "Wow.  I thought that was future tech."  He grinned.  "I'll consider it."

"Thanks.  And suggest those to him so he can think?  Once he's finally awake again?"  She smiled and nodded, heading out.  He got back to his ideas.  Apparently the bunnies did have a lot of them stored up.  "So much for prolific.  What's another word for overly-prolific?" he muttered as he typed.  "Soon I'm going to have a word count like the kid's."  He yawned but kept going for a bit longer.  He needed to put something out soon.

***

Tara handed the kittens and supplies to her aunt's coven.  "These three are mine," she told them.  "The rest can be adopted but they're just starting to show personalities."  She smiled.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem, dear," her aunt assured her.  "You have their schedules written out?"  She pointed at the bag, looking serious.  "You know we'll be fine and if Xander wants to help some more he can do that here.  I know the boy needs to sleep some."

Tara nodded.  "A lot.  He keeps falling asleep while feeding them."  They all smiled.  "Thank you."  She gave them hugs and went to catch a cab to the airport.

The coven all cooed at the kittens, picking their favorites to feed and nurture for their youngest member.  Tara could fuss nearly as well as Xander could.

***

Tara was shopping for dinner in the town near the cabin when she ran into problems.  Not her problems, which was a relief.  She saw two guys going to do something with a lumpy bag and they seemed so familiar for some reason.  She subtly followed them - something she had learned in Sunnydale - then saw what they were doing.  When the creature attacked, she floated it long enough for them to grab a gun to get it.  She smiled and went back to the town to finish her shopping.  The place didn't even have a good first aid kit.  She looked up from buying some bandages, spotting one of them doing the same thing.  She walked over to him.  "Hi," she said quietly.  He looked at her.  "I have a good first aid kit."  Then she realized who this was.  Xander's notes had him.  "Sam?"

"Do I know you?" he asked.

She shook her head quickly.  "But I know about you.  I was in Sunnydale."  He gaped.  "Come up to the cabin.  I'm stocking now so we don't have much yet but we have plenty of bandages and I'll make dinner."  She paid and walked out, calling Xander to wake him up.  She got up there and found things arranged for her to grab.  She pulled them and set up the first aid kit and the few guns into the locking cabinet, then she made dinner.  She smiled when she heard the car, going out to let them in.  "Hi," she said quietly.

The other one got out of the car.  "Sam seems to think you know us, Miss."

She smiled.  "Tara Maclay.  I was helping the slayer in Sunnydale for a while."

He gaped.  "What?"

She nodded.  "First aid kit is inside.  Including stitching kits and local, boys.  I'm making cornbread and stew."  They followed her in.  "Xander just bought this place."  She smiled at them.  "We're still stocking."

"This is better than our first aid kit," Sam said.  "I thought you said you were restocking."

"I got ours from New York."  Dean glared.  She stared back.  "I'm a second generation witch, Dean Winchester."

"How do you know us?"

"Xander got misplaced to another realm where he met the two of you.  I saw his notes because I help proofread for him."  She smiled.

"Were we hunting?"

"You were surrounded by a lot of young slayers," she told him.  "Training them to hunt."

He whimpered and shuddered.  "Damn I must be insane."

She giggled.  "Maybe."  She pointed.  "It'll take about a half hour for the stew to finish cooking and the cornbread.  Go ahead and do what you need to do, boys."  She got back to work in the kitchen.

"So, we know of the slayer as a myth," Sam said, coming over to watch what she was doing.

She smirked.  "She's in LA now.  Ever since they shut down Sunnydale and gave it to the peaceful demon community.  The agents gutted it and it had to happen I guess."

Sam looked confused.  "There's a peaceful demon community?"

"Yes.  You didn't hear about them?"  She scowled at a wall and concentrated, calling a few books.  One she had to save from the sink.  "From Willow's collection.  She sent that one."  She let them have them to look through while she finished.  She was making sure they saw what she was doing so they wouldn't be paranoid.  She cleaned her hands off and came out to look at Dean's shoulder.  She stared at him, then opened the box and pulled out what she'd need.

"I bandaged it."

"I can smell the blood, Dean."  She looked at him.  "I'm very delicate."

Xander walked in.  "Howdy," he said.

"How did you get here?"

"Willow's paranoid.  I told her to take an EPT.  So she banished me from the couch to here."  He yawned.  "Sorry, her familiar had kittens we're having to bottle feed."  He looked at the injury then pulled out something else.  "You'll need a bit heavier gauge of thread since that's a moving spot."

"It's bandaged," Dean said firmly.  Xander took off his shirt, making them stare in horror.  "How in the hell, dude," he said, staring at him.

Xander smiled.  "Sunnydale, home of the hellmouth.  Some from battles, some from apocalypses, some from patrols....  Some from girlfriends."  She swatted him but went to check on dinner.  He handed over the vials.  "Pick a local, dude.  I'm good at it.  I was our field medic."

"If we have to," Dean complained.

"Yeah, you have to," Xander said, showing him the bandage.  "You got demon poison snot."  He found that vial and shook it, pouring it into the wound.  Dean tried to move but he held him by the back of his head, not pulling his hair just a hand on it.  "Give it a minute."  He pulled out the sterile water to clean it then dried it with some clean gauze before opening the stitching pack and putting on gloves.  He did quick, neat stitches that Sam grinned at.  "Got any?"

"No.  One small claw mark, a lot of bruises."  Tara handed over a corked bottle.  "What's this?"

"Her bruise potion.  It's wonderful," Xander assured him.  "I've used it a lot."  He finished up and rebandaged it after letting Dean look at it.  "There.  Better?"

"Much, thanks, dude."

"Xander, Dean."  He finished taping it down and dipped some clean gauze into the potion, letting Dean dab it on any bruises.  Sam beamed at Tara for it.  She smiled back.  Xander sniffed.  "Stew?"

"I felt like cooking."

"Good.  It's good you're getting back to yourself."  He gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead.  She poked him so he let go.  He let them have one of the spare rooms too.   The boys went back to reading the books, looking confused.  Xander whispered in her ear, getting a nod and another book being brought.  This one had a dried ear in it.  "Here, this is Wes's.   He's a former watcher.  He's in LA working with the girl now that he has sense."  He stared at them.  "Get those back to him in LA for us."  He smirked and went to check the wood.

"We don't need more firewood, Xander.  You've already cut down half a forest," she called.  "Come start one in the living room."  He brought in to get it started, Sam helping with that.  Xander grinned at him and they got them settled in, with food after a few more fussing things.  "He bought the cabin recently," she told them.

"That's cool," Dean promised.  "So, you're a hunter?" he asked Xander.

"About the only one in New York but most of the dangerous stuff is gone for the year.  Plus we have higher beings who keep down the dissent at the lower levels."

"I heard Miranda was up there," Dean said.

"She finally got the last of the one that took out her family," he sighed, looking up at him.  "About three months ago."

Dean slumped but nodded.  "I can understand that."

"It was a huge fire," Xander told them.  "With the clan in there too."

"Damn," Sam sighed.  "I liked Miranda that one time I met her."

"She liked to growl at me whenever I offered her some help or intel," Xander said.  "She was a kill them all sort too.  The locals stayed out of her way as much as possible."

"There really are peaceful demons?" Sam asked.

Xander nodded, grinning some.  "We get a lot of information from their kitten poker circuit.  Like people, there's bad ones, neutral ones, ones out for their own best interests, peaceful ones, a few hippie ones up there.  They have a commune outside the city.   The same as there's white witches and dark witches and those who have magic addictions and slipped."

"That can be an addiction?" Sam asked.

"We know one who had a tough time admitting that problem," Tara said, looking at him.  "She's finally admitted it and is accepting help.  She's down to only necessary spells again."

"No more thinking her way is the only right way and enforcing it," Xander agreed.  "Her new husband is very happy with that."

"It's nearly their first anniversary," Tara realized.

He grinned. "I sent a card with both our names."

"Thank you, Xander.  You're a good pseudo big brother."  He beamed back.  "The kitties?"

"They should be fine.  The coven should spoil them rotten."

"I know but I still worry."

"There's a cell tower, Tara, call later."

"I will."  She dug in again.

"We've never run into demons that weren't trying to harm people," Dean told him. "Or witches really on the side of good."

"I was born with this gift.  It's what I use it for that counts," Tara pointed out.  "The same as seers do or mediums."

"True, I guess," Dean admitted.

Sam nodded.  "I know there were some flesh eaters around Stanford that never attacked anyone.  I know someone came after them my junior year."  He ate another bite of stew.  "You cook really good, Tara."

She beamed.  "Thank you, Sam.  Xander's not picky outside of no meatloaf."  She ate another delicate bite.

"I'm not that picky anyway," Xander told her.  "You know, Beckett got all sorts of compliments on that dress you let her borrow that day."  She blushed but smiled and stuffed her mouth.  "There's sixteen species that eat flesh if I remember right," he told Sam.  "I know four of them will make deals with hospitals or morgues for their supplies."  The brothers gave him a horrified look.  "A few more will but they're also more militant.   Most of those are from off-plane and only have a few members here.  The first four have multiple clans on this plane and are from here.  They're bred down remnants of the Old Ones who used to rule."  He ate another bite.  "I know most of them don't prefer to hunt, outside of three species, because it brings attention and attention is anathema to most species.  One of them that hunts is actually a popular enforcer in the demon mafias.  One of them currently owes me 435 kittens from a really bad hand of kitten poker."

"Is he paying in cash?" she asked.

"Of course.  He knows not to bring you more cats I'll have to fuss at for wanting my chair.  Plus our apartment would never hold that many cats."

"True, you'd never get your writing chair," she agreed.  She ate another bite.  "Let's see, fifty per cat...."  She considered it.  "New guns?"

"Maybe.  Don't know yet."  He grinned.  "We'll have to see."  He scraped his plate and went back for seconds.  "Guys?"

"Please," Dean agreed, getting up to get his own.  "There's demon mafia organizations?"

"Six or seven families and a few more that're set up along the same lines instead of clans," Xander said, coming back.  "Kitten poker is like the Texas Hold'em of the demon world.  We're both pretty skilled because we can get intel from the group and they're really protective of Tara.  They know if one of them hurts Tara, I'll end the whole underground in New York."  He ate another bite, ignoring her swat.  He smirked at Sam then at Dean.  "It's really pretty cool.   Them I never worry about.  Even if there's some harmful things, like vamps, who move in, they know to tell me so I handle them before they cause everyone problems and bring more notice."  He ate another bite and chewed, taking out a piece of gristle.

"Oops," Tara said.

"It's okay.  I'm surprised you made stew since you don't usually eat meat."

She smiled.  "I found the deer steaks."

"Ah!  Yeah, it kinda tried to come through the door with me."  He finished up and got her more salad and bread.  She smiled and got herself the rest of the cooked vegetables she had pulled out of the stew before she had added the meat.  Sam took some too, earning a beaming smile from her.

"How did you guys find out about these sort?" Dean asked.

"Sunnydale was hot and cold running demons," Xander told him.  "Way too many vampires and a lot more species trying to hide.  So when I jumped in to help the slayer we had just gotten, I learned a lot.  For a sixteen-year-old it blew my mind about other species.  Especially being a sci-fi geek."  He soaked up some of the stew's juices with his cornbread.  "Over the course of five years worth of patrol, apocalypses, and other problems, I made a lot of contacts.  Some good, some not.  We had just moved past our fifth anniversary when the FBI decided Sunnydale was too dirty and the demons scared the crap out of them too much."

"I heard a bit about that shutting down," Sam admitted.  "I guess that sucks for you guys.  So you moved to New York?"

"Most of us are in LA.  Tara and I are in New York.  She's a librarian, I'm living the bohemian lifestyle as a writer.  We're just off Lexington in Manhattan if you need us."

Dean grinned.  "Good to know.  So, how many species are there?"

"No clue.  The Council has an estimate but they're also fuckheads."  She kicked him.  "They are."

"I heard you went to threaten them for me," she said, staring at him.

He smirked evilly back.  "No, I warned them that they should flee the city and country before I got them, you got them, or Willow got them.  Though she suggested they leave the plane totally."

"She could probably get them most anywhere," she sighed, shaking her head.  She finished her dinner and got up to do dishes but Xander pushed her back out there and did them for her.  Dean and Sam handed over their dishes and went back to reading.  Tara fussed at a few things then came to dose Sam's bruises again.  By morning they'd be barely a sore spot.  He flinched, not realizing she was behind him but the cool gauze and fluid felt nice on them so he let her.  Dean smirked at her.  "I'm not hitting on him.  He's not a girl," she said quietly, ducking her head.

Xander looked at her.  "Don't tempt Willow."

She snickered.  "I talked her out of that plan."

"I know."  He finished up and came out, going to fuss over the fire then the weapons.  She rolled her eyes but she knew that was his thing not hers.

Dean looked in the cabinet.  "Nice selection."

"They're a minor part of the collection from home," Xander admitted with a grin.  "They didn't come in handy out there in Sunnydale but they sure do at other times."  He finished up and closed it, then went to check other things.  He looked at Tara, who squeaked and brought sheets.  He put them on the beds for the boys then went to check his own.  She had been sleeping in it so he went to the other guest room and bunked down in there.  He was still exhausted.

"He's been helping feed the kittens for the last few weeks," she said quietly.  "They take a lot of work."

"I've seen it done with puppies," Dean said, grinning at her.  She got the bruise potion and new gauze out for him.  He tried to duck but she scowled.  She was mothering him he realized and it felt odd but she was sweet and gentle.  Hard to believe she hunted.  Until something outside screamed.  Then she glared at a wall, muttered, and the wail cut off in mid-noise stream.  She smiled and went back to fussing over them.  Dean would let her, this time.  He did feel a bit pitiful thanks to he injuries.  Plus he wanted to know more about this.  It was definitely not what their father had taught them.  Tara turned in after making them some more coffee.  Dean looked at his little brother.  "We should tell Bobby about this stuff."

"It needs to go back to LA so we might stop there overnight and let him look," he offered quietly.

"That could work," he decided.  They finished up and went to bed after cleaning their cups out for her.  She was lightly snoring but that was fine.  It was all the more cute for being an alto, delicate snore with one or two occasional bass snores added in.

***

Xander walked into Paula's office on Monday afternoon, staring at her.  "Sorry, we were at the cabin talking with some other hunters.  What happened?"  He noticed Beckett was in there too.  "Problems with a date?  I haven't in the last few weeks."

"Castle got taken by some fangirls and they're saying that the police aren't going to do anything," she told him.  "He doesn't want to press charges because they're being weird but *fans* but we still need to rescue him."

"You guys need me to go in and stun them?" he guessed dryly.

"That could help," she agreed.

Paula cleared her throat.  "We need you to decry that movement as well, Xander."

"No."  She glared.  He stared back.  "I love my fans, even the ones that write take-offs of my stuff.  I'll be like some that set rules, including no making profit from it.  I'm not going to be a bitch like some authors are.  I'm thrilled that someone liked Tral enough to write one!" he said with a manic grin.  "Tara said I nearly danced around with one of the kittens when I saw it."  Paula huffed.  "I know that it's an expression of them liking it.  I know that they'd do it even if I did clamp down on it.  I'm not going to be evil to my fans."  He grabbed a pen and her notepad, writing out some rules, letting her see them.  She added another one.  "That's good?" he asked.

"That'll be acceptable but if they try to get things published for more than fans...."

"Then I'll sue the hell out of them."  He took it to the secretary.  "Can you type that up for me?"  She nodded, taking it and typing it quickly.  He looked it over and signed it then tucked it into his back pocket.  "Okay, do we know where he is, Beckett?"

"We think so."

"Then let's go.  I can make them drool on me if they're bad girls."   He followed her down to the car, waving off the vest the guys brought out.  "I doubt most of them have guns, guys.  They're probably in there asking him a lot of really strange questions."  He walked up and knocked on the door, staring at the young college-aged girl who answered.  "Niki Heat asked me to retrieve him.  She's a bit pissed."  She gaped so he walked in, followed by the three officers.  He looked around then looked at Rick.  He had messy hair, a tugged on shirt, and was looking a bit harried and maybe a bit frantic.  "You know, I've got to write this into a book.  Nice staging, ladies."

One coughed.  "Who're you?" she asked in a tiny voice.

He smiled.  "Alexian Harris.  Rick's my mentor."  He beamed at the older man then at her.  "My near-sister is even his daughter's shopping buddy."

One whimpered.  "You're Alexian Harris?" she moaned, moving closer to run a hand over his arm.  "Wow, you have muscles."

He smirked.  "I can use a sword and a battle axe.  Rick's little girl said I gave her very strange yet happy thoughts when she and Tara caught me practicing."

"I don't want to know that," Beckett told him.  "Though you didn't look too bad the time I caught you, kid."  She undid Castle's cuffs and helped him up.  "Should I arrest them?"

"I'm sure they won't do it again.  Or else I'd have to come and then I'd use my bad girl powers to make them all evil and beg."  Xander stared them down but handed the paper to one.  "My publisher said I had to make a stand on the issue of fanfic.  Those are my rules.  Follow them and I'm honored.  Don't and... well...  I *am* creative."  He walked over to another one that was nearly vibrating, kissing her on the cheek.  "I've seen you at the last few signings."  He winked and walked out following the officers.  "Have a good night, ladies."  He shut the door behind him.  He jogged down the stairs, looking at Castle.  "You okay?  Were they my sort of woman?"

"I'm fine.  They did ask a lot of questions that proved I had plot holes."  He leaned against the car, rubbing his wrists.  "Paula let you get away with rules?"

"I told her I was honored and thrilled when people liked my stuff that much and she saw the rules first."  He smirked.  "You sure?"

Rick reached over to swat him.  "Don't tell me that my little girl got hot watching you work out."

"Yes, daddy," he quipped, getting another swat and a head shake from the detectives.  He grinned at them.  "I'd never touch her.  She's too young and much too nice."  He beamed.  "So, anything else I can help you with, detectives?"

"Go home," she ordered, shaking her head.

"Night."  He bounced off, getting a cab.

The guys both shook their heads.  "He needs a real girlfriend," one said.  The other nodded.

Beckett looked at them.  "Go ahead and find him one.  Please.  Before we have to arrest more of them for him."  She looked at Castle.  "Want a ride home?"

"Please."  He stood up.  "Is Alexis all right?"

"She's the one who called," she assured him, letting him into the back seat.  "She thought it was something odd and wanted to know if she should call Xander back from his cabin."  She got in to drive.  The other two arranged themselves after a quick game of rock/paper/scissors for the other front seat.  She rolled her eyes but that was them being men.  She got them back to the office, Castle home, then went to have a long, hot bath with a glass of wine to cure the crankiness with humanity.

***

Xander got stopped the next morning on his way out to get a paper, smiling at a young woman.  "Yes?"

"You're Alexian Harris."

"I am.  Do you read my books?"

"I have."  She smiled.  "You set out...rules?" she asked quietly.

He snickered.  "Yeah, I did.  Paula, my publisher said I had to.  Personally, I'm absolutely thrilled that someone loves my stuff enough to write fanfic off it.  That proves that my stuff is really great and people love it.  I nearly danced around the apartment when I found the first one."  He grinned again.  "Just stay within those few rules and I'll be more than happy.  An old friend who lives in LA used to write stuff back in high school from that one show with the really young doctor."

"Oooh!" she said, beaming back.  "So you know?"

"Some.  I've stared over her shoulder, gotten babbled at about her story ideas, all that."  He winked.  "That's why I'm not going to be mean.  I love my fans.   If it weren't for them I'd still be working construction.  I do many things when my fans ask.  So I'm not going to be mean unless you're making money off my stuff really.  The other few things were a pairing I could not see, no matter what, and would probably get really horrible thoughts if I had to read and a few other simple things like that."

She smiled.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem.  I love my fans."  She skipped off.  He finished his trek to get the paper and to Tara's aunt's shop.  He walked in with the paper under his arm and looked in the box.  "Are we missing one?"

"She's being fed," the shopgirl said dryly.  "What are you doing here?"

He looked at her.  "They're my kids too."  She huffed.  "Not like I can have kids."  He carried the box into the upstairs working room since the office was closed.  "Ladies."

"Xander," one said, taking the box from him.  "Were you missing them?"

"A bit."  They let him help them feed the little ones.  "Are they up to longer than three hours between feedings?"

"They're about two weeks from weaning," one of the ladies told him.  "We're at about three and a half hours between.  They're starting to explore."  He grinned and nodded, letting the kitten rest in his lap while he ate.  The cat seemed to love it.  It even peed on him. He shrugged it off and let them keep working for now.  "Tara's due back when?"

"Um, probably a few days.  She ran into a few hunters and we had a long chat.  They're going back toward LA with a few of the books she borrowed for them."  He grinned at the older lady.  "They were pretty nice and she even fussed, even if they did try to get out of it."

"It's good she was making new friends," her aunt's friend said dryly.

Xander looked at her.  "Remember the teaching team in the newest series?"  She swallowed but nodded.  "Them."

"Oh."  She blinked a few times then stared at her kitten.  "They may be dangerous to know," she said quietly.  The others stared at her.  "There's some rumors about the ones after them for being so good."

Xander smirked.  "As opposed to the ones who only want to sleep with me?" he asked dryly.

"Yup," she agreed with a smug look.  "You do need better taste, boy."

"Hey, find a way to counter my bad girl drawing power or find whatever did it so I can fix it," he quipped.  "I'll date good girls if they like me."  He put that kitten down, letting her rest next to her siblings.  "You know, the first day I asked if I had to burp the little things."  They all giggled.  They heard the door's bell go off and he listened then huffed.   "Craptastic."  He went down there, still feeding the next kitten.  He stared at the man there.  "What, oh great minion of Beckett?"

"Smartass," he said dryly.  "The other minion is missing."

"The fangirls steal him?"

"We think so."

"Shit."  He walked off, still feeding the kitten on the ride over.  He walked up and kicked the door until someone opened it.  "No, you can't have him either."

The girls all stared at him.  "You have a kitten," one said.

He smiled.  "Tara's kitty had kittens right before someone poisoned her.  So we have kittens.  I've been doing a lot of bottle feeding for the last few weeks."

"Is she your girlfriend?" one asked.

"No, Tara's the blonde girl," he said.  They all beamed and nodded.

"They know your roommate that well?" Espisito said from the chair he was tied to.  He looked a bit stressed out and his hair was messy too.  Clearly those women were mean to him.

"Yeah, Tara helps him and makes sure he does things other than write," one of the girls said with a beaming, happy smile.  "She's like his sister and helps him tons."  She leaned over.  "Awwww.  It's adorable!"

"Tara's finding new kitty homes for all but three of the eleven," he told her.  "You'd have to ask her and her aunt, who runs that nice Wicca bookstore about ten blocks from us."  They all nodded.  "Now, can I have the detective?  I'm feeling the urge to date again.  Or else I have to work on book five of the DCIS universe but that would mean ignoring them."  They all moaned and gave him begging looks.  "Once these guys don't need fed all the time.  They're about weaned."

"Hold on, your publisher has four more?" another girl demanded.

He smirked and nodded.  "She's got a good five or six years worth of stuff to go out so far."  He winked at her.  "Tral's got another part coming out in about four months."  They got the detective undone.  "If you want her to change the order that they're coming out in, write Paula.  She's mine and Castle's publisher and she makes those decisions."  He let the detective walk past him, handing him the kitten.  "Here get a cuddle, dude.  You probably need one since you're not used to bouncy, smart, good women either."  One got her book and brought it over with a pen.  He winked as he signed it and handed it back then took it back to draw a kitten footprint too, making her kiss him.  "There you go.  Anything else today, ladies?  If you show up at the store, they might even find me if it's necessary or you guys just want to give me ideas.  After all, fans are great muses. And you wear better clothes than the Greek ones."  He walked off happier.  Behind him the girls all cooed.

Xander took the kitten back.  "Thanks.  I'm not used to baby anythings."  He stared.  "Is it all right?  It won't open its eyes."

"He won't for another week probably."  He smiled at the detectives.  "Can I get a ride back?"

"Of course," they agreed, taking him back to the store.  On the way there their captain ordered them to the office.  They tried to protest that they had him and the kitten but he only groaned and ordered again.  So Xander and the kitten got to visit.

Castle looked up and smirked.  "Is that the new fashion accessory instead of a tiny purse dog?"

"Give them two weeks, they'll be in everything," he quipped back.  "They're trying to explore already."  He looked at the captain, petting the small, distended stomach.  "Yes, they're why I haven't been sleeping well," he said dryly at the odd look.

Beckett snickered.  "How far between feedings now, Xander?"

"Three and a half.  Her aunt took them for the last weekend."  He looked at the captain again.  "What?"

"Are they going to keep doing this?"

"I told them who to talk to about stuff and where to find me if they wanted to."  He grinned a sweet, innocent grin.  The captain glared.  He turned up the innocent boy look.

"Clearly your last town let you get away with bad things."

"Well, no, they ignored everything.  That's why the FBI shut them down."  He let Beckett see the kitten.  "I think this is one of our future ones."

"He's cute.  Tiny, but cute."  The kitty made a noise.  "Did he just fart?"

"Belched.  He just ate on the way over to the fangirls' place."  He smiled at the captain again.  "Any other public services I can offer?  I'm getting that dating urge again."

"Please don't," she begged.  "It's already too busy this month.  Please, kid?"

"Hey, we could use the stats raise," one of the other guys on the floor complained.  She glared so he ducked back behind his monitor.

"Turn them in to him," she ordered dryly.  "Go back to the store."

"I was taking him back there but we got ordered in."

"Fine.  Go," the captain ordered.  "And I still want an inventory of your ...research cabinet, kid."

"Nothing that big in the cabinet, Captain.  Really, this is New York.  All the closets are tiny.  Where would I store them?"  He walked out.  The other two followed shaking their heads.

Beckett and the Captain both looked at Castle, who shrugged.  "His are small.  Tara's got a bit of one but even if they're in there she's probably gotten them hidden in some way; we'll never find them."

"What happens if there's a fire or something?" she asked.

"No idea," he admitted.  "I think he's trying to find a good storage area.  He was asking Paula about one because that downstairs neighbor who is insane is out on bail and tried to commit suicide by fire the other week."

"I heard, that's why I'm asking," she said bluntly.

"No clue and no idea where they'd move to either."  He shrugged.  "I'll invite him over for poker sometime soon."

"Kitten poker is played differently," she warned.

"I don't want to know," the captain said, going back to his office.

Castle smirked at her.  "Nice job," he said quietly.

"Thank you."  She got back to her reports and he finished his 'civilian helper' forms.  The two junior detectives came back and it was easier for them to get to work too.  Even if the one was complaining about being tied to a chair and pumped for information on Harris and Castle.  That was too freaky for his normal guy world.

***

Tara finally came home and went to the shop to check on her furry babies.  They were up and trying hard to get out of the playpen her aunt had turned upside down over their roaming area.  "Awww."  She sank to her knees, staring at them.  "One's missing?"

She pointed at the cat on top of the bookshelf.  "I can't find the ladder."

Tara looked, scowling.  "Get down here, now."  She climbed up and got her then came back down cuddling her.  "Naughty you," she teased.  "Wait until you can sit on Xander's shoulder to do that.  We have many way up high spots."

Her aunt snickered.  "I noticed that."  She patted her niece on the head.  "Are you all right?"

"I'm okay," she assured her, looking up.  "Why?"

"Xander told us you fussed over two hunters," she said quietly.  "They draw worse than your boy does."

"Oooh."  She blinked, petting the kitty.  "I don't know.  I can look that up."  She gathered the others to take home.  "I'll pick out mine this weekend."

"I know you will, Tara girl."  She watched her take the new carrier into the cab and head home.  "I wonder how many she'll talk the boy into letting her keep."

"Xander said three and he seems a bit too tough," the register girl complained.  "I don't see how she puts up with him."

"She gets to fuss and mother him all she wants because the boy gets lost in his writing," she explained with a smile.  "Plus he's a lot like a proper big brother is.  He threatens her dates to make sure they're good to her.  He makes sure she's got whatever she needs.  He's very good to her."  She went back to her office to call around and let people who wanted kittens know that Tara was back and they'd know which ones were up for adoption by Monday.

***

Tara walked into the store, looking around before walking up to the counter.  "Is Gregori here please?" she asked quietly.  "I wanted to ask him a question."

The demon stared at her.  "You're a white witch, girl.  What do you think he can answer for you?"

"I'm Tara," she explained.  He backed up, giving her a fearful look.  "I think Gregori knows something that another hunter needs to hear.  I only came looking for that."  He rang his boss, who came out of his office to tower over her.  The guy was like nine feet tall and baby blue with one huge eye.  "Gregori."

"Tara."  He looked her over, sniffing.  "Not Miss Kitty?"

"Stupid Watchers," she muttered.  He gave her an amused look.  "They poisoned her while she was birthing.  We have kittens."  She smiled, pulling out a picture to show him.  "She gave us some wonderful kitties.  Xander said we can keep up to three.  The rest go to my aunt's coven."

He smiled at the picture.  "They are adorable."  She put the picture back into her bag.  "What did you want to talk about?"  She glanced around.  "Come, we'll have tea.  I have that wood fungus tea."

"That is very tasty," she agreed, following him.  She sat down and let him put the tea things out.  She pulled the notes out of her purse and handed them over.  "I ran into them over the weekend."

He stared at the notes then at her.  "That is a dangerous thing to get in the middle of."  He reread.  "This is in that world he's writing about?"

"Willow sent him there," she explained, taking a sip of the tea.  "Hmm, fall gathering too.  Very nice."  She smiled.  "They're still searching here.   Xander had a vision."  He shuddered.  "If they don't, we'll have a final apocalypse as he put it.  Including angels," she finished quietly.

"They said the world would end if he dated a nice girl," he quipped, sipping his own tea.  "You can't show them that?"

"I can but I'm not sure if that is correct for this world," she admitted, taking another drink.

He considered what he knew.  "Many bets are being taken in this matter."

"Do they know I got to help Xander take care of some injuries this last weekend?"

"No, they don't," he admitted.  "I'm not going to tell anyone that either.  It will definitely throw the odds if they knew that."

She smirked.  "I got them into the classification books too.  They had no idea about the other societies."  He moaned, shifting his chair.  She smiled, taking another drink of her tea to drain the cup.  "Is it right here?"

"If you tell them, something bad may happen."

"Dean was saying his father should hear about some of those things."

"He is alive," he admitted.  He shifted again.  "This will definitely interfere and there's a lot who want him to succeed."

"I put the boys on with Buffy so they can talk about how to handle things like apocalypses. She said they were good but didn't have enough style."

He moaned again, clearly getting hard at that thought.  "The father is a very bad hard ass."

"I heard."

He nodded.  "He does not like witches."

"There's some I don't like either.  If he's only known them, women of the Goddess would be out of his range as well."

"True.  As far as I know this is correct but there are higher powers involved."

"The PTB?"

"No.  As you said, angels."

She snorted.  "Angels who try to end humanity and create apocalypses are not angels.  They're demons of the highest orders of Hell."

He smirked.  "Well said, young lady.  Go to him.  He's in Chicago somewhere."  He found something and handed it over.  "He's tainted by the same thing that has tainted his boys."  He let her see the spell he had.

She wrote it down and smiled, taking the notes back.  "Thank you."  She went home, going to gather a bag of things.  She cast the spell in her bedroom, staring at the fighting going on as she landed.  "STOP IT!" she bellowed, pulling up power.  "This is not how the Goddess wants  it!"  The demons all snorted so she burned a few.  "Slayer's team."  The rest fled, all but one.  She stared at her.  "Morning."  She looked at the hunter.  "I've come to find you with some information from another realm that has where the demon that wants your sons may be."

He growled.  "How do you know about that?" he sneered.

She knocked him back then called Xander.  Who was naked and wet from his shower.  "Xander, she's a possessing demon."

He looked at himself then nodded.  "Sword maybe?"  She handed him her bag.  He dug out the weapons and went after her.  He glanced at the hunter.  "Hey, John Winchester.  Hi.  I saw the you in another realm after they had taken out the demon who was after your son Sam."  He kicked the demon back and got into it with her.  She was panting and pissed off.  "Yay, bitch.  You're so pitiful you don't even register on my bad and evil girl radar.  You're not even evil enough to get me hard."  She screamed and came at him.  He ducked her grab, tripped her and then got her in the back of the neck with the dagger.  It wouldn't kill her but it was going to make her miserable.  He stepped back and let Tara do the chanting over the body.  He walked to John's spot.  "So, anyway, a witch who was having issues sent me to another world."

"Who are you?" he demanded coldly.  This was definitely something that most hunters would freak out at.

"Xander Harris.  Also known as Alexian Harris."  The man gaped.  He smirked.  "The DCIS world?  It's real."  John shuddered.  "You and your boys were training all the slayers.  The me there, you, and your sons took out the demon's plans while the slayers, I believe it was mostly Buffy, took down the devil's gate he wants to open."  The man stared at him.  "I can tell you what they told me about it.  I'm sure Tara has notes."

"She's a witch," he said bluntly.

"Yes, she is.  A second generation white witch who helps hunters and slayers."  He smirked.  "By the way, we met and talked to your sons this weekend."

She came over.  "I trapped it."  She looked at him.  "I had to take the time to see if the information was as correct here as it was there," she said, handing over the notes.

He looked it over then at her.  "I don't trust witches."

Xander leaned down since he was sitting.  "We both backed up the slayer in Sunnydale, Winchester.  We've had more than our fair share of apocalypses and my vision about this said if you don't solve it, it's a *final* apocalypse.  Including higher beings with fluffy wings."  John shuddered at that.  "They're prompting it in some cases.  And not all on the side of bad either."

"How dare you!" a voice thundered as a man appeared.

Xander looked at himself then shrugged.  "Oh, well, if you want to come stare at my naked ass, so be it."  He looked at John again.  "We want to help you three stop this shit.  Now, would you read those over so I can fill in anything that's not in there?"

He read it over while the angel huffed and came over to stop them.   "Cold Oak.  Devil's gate.  The colt...  Shit."

"Basically, which is part of the problem.  See, if he takes Sam, it starts it," Xander said.  He glared at the angel.  "Go for it, dude.  I've earned my reward many times over for saving the damn universe and realm."  The angel tried to hit him but Xander ducked and shrugged.  "Damn, they don't teach you guys how to fight either?  That really sucks.  Are you guys run by Watchers?"  John gave him a dirty look.  "They do suck.  We hate the bastards.  Literally in some cases."  He ducked another blow and then fought back against the angel.  He was stronger and faster than Xander was but so were vampires.  This one he'd put at Spike's level.  "Hey, Tara, get me Spike please?" he called, dodging another blow to hit him back.

"Oh!" she said, getting it.  She summoned him and he vamped out.  "He's evil," she told him with a point.  "He's helping start a final apocalypse.  Xander had a vision."

"He's human, Glinda," he complained.

"No, he's possessed," Xander said.  "It's an angel inside a human's body."

Spike moaned like that was the best present ever.  "That'll heal most every one of us."  He grabbed him and snapped his neck.  Not enough to kill him but enough to incapacitate him.  He drank deeply and felt the chip short out then burn.  He moaned in pleasure.

"You touch us or his sons or the team and I'll get you myself if I have to," Xander warned him.

Spike sneered.  "Not here for you yet."

Tara handed over a picture.  "The Council poisoned Miss Kitty but she gave us kittens."

Spike looked then smirked at her.  "They're cute."

She smiled, putting it back.  "I can put a compulsion on."  He groaned but she sent the body with him back to LA.  Xander took her phone to text message Willow.  She looked at John again.  "We've dealt with higher up interference before, Mr. Winchester.  They hate Xander."

Xander nodded.  "A lot."  John just gaped at them in horror.  He grinned.  "Anything in there that you still need?"

"A name," he said bluntly.

Xander snickered.  "I didn't include that in case someone got into my notes.  Azazel.  This isn't his first attempt and by my visions and that Sam there's, he's got another backup plan in place."

He stood up.  "He did something to Sam."

Tara nodded.  "It's a blood taint," she said quietly.  "That's what awakened his powers.  Some day that may be a problem if he gets exposed again."

He stared at her.  "I still hate witches."

"Not all of us are bad.  Some of us do rest in the light each and every day.  Some of the bad even found their way back over the years."  She reached out but he flinched back.  "I'm only healing the cut.  Stand still.  Your son saw how good I was at this last weekend."  He still backed away.  "Fine.  You can have Xander stitch it.  I brought out minor first aid kit."

"I'm good," he promised, staring at them.  "This doesn't bother you?" he asked Xander.

"You're not my type," he quipped, giving him a dirty look.  "I've hunted and worked with plenty of white witches.   Including this one.  She's like my sister," he said firmly, staring at him.  "She's not the sort to have problems."

He shook his head.  "Most make deals for their gifts, boy."

"No, some are born with it and she's a second generation witch."  John moaned, slumping his shoulders.  That explained a lot to John's thinking.  "Beyond that, some bloodlines exist from the early days.  Hers has had it on and off for generations from what little her aunt's found."  Tara looked at him.  "She's doing the genealogy thing."

"Oh.  I didn't know that."  She looked at him again.  "Not all of us cause problems.  If I had wanted to, I have plenty of opportunity, Mr. Winchester.  If I was bad, I wouldn't have given your boys new information or given you that stuff."  Xander patted her on the back.  "Beyond that, sometimes witches do go bad, and then sometimes they come back.  Magic addiction is very bad among us.  Some of them have healed."

Xander nodded.  "Yes she did.  Let him go catch his boys, Tara.  He's got a higher calling."  He pulled her back next to him.  "Good hunting.  I hope you get him.  If you need help with some sort of major battle, the slayer's in LA.  Angel Investigations."

John nodded.  "I'll keep that in mind.  Where are my boys?"

"Last time we knew they were heading back toward LA with the books we leant them, and said they were going to stop in on someone named Bobby for a day or so."

"We gave them the number out there if they needed it since there were traces of demons trying to track your eldest," Tara said quietly.  "I liked Dean.  He was kind, polite, and appreciated my cornbread, even if it was a bit too dry."  She and Xander disappeared.   She hugged him.  "I'm sorry."

"No, that you tell me about beforehand so I'm not in a shower," he said dryly, making her giggle.  "Nap.  You probably need it."  He walked out, running into his friends.  "Hi, guys.  Tara was off doing something and needed some immediate help.  Let me get the kittens out of my shower."  He went up to finish taking one then dry off and get redressed.  He carried down the four cats.  "Tara, why do we have four?" he called.

She peeked out with a smile.  "I'm trying to decide between the last two."  She waved and closed her door again.

Xander put the kittens down and looked at the people.  "So, what's up?  No more fangirls?" he asked with a grin.

"No, no more kidnaping fangirls," Beckett said.  "Bigger problems.  You got a death threat."

"Ooh, yay," he said with a shrug and a grimace.  "Again?"

"Again?" she demanded.

He went to look at something, handing it over.  "I told Paula.  She threw a hissy for me and I'm used to things wanting me dead.  I'm not that worried since it was sent from Brookhaven Institute."  He handed over the envelope.

She compared them, nodding.  "We needed that.  You could have handed it over."

"I looked, that's a mental institution.  I doubt whoever is out."

"Point," she admitted, "but a weak one, Harris.  Backup plans for things?"

"Do I look like I make Castle's money?" he countered dryly, sitting down and putting his feet up.  The kittens all pounced his wiggling toes.  One climbed up his foot and leg to stare at him.  "What?"  He petted her.  She purred and scampered off to try to climb Beckett.  Who put her onto a chair.  "She'll pounce.  She's stubborn."  She petted her again, making her a happy, content kitten who wouldn't try to claw her up again.  He grinned.  "Thank you.  If I had the money I might have a backup place.  Unfortunately I'm only making in the hundreds of thousands a book, not the millions.  I can't afford two places and the cabin."

"Weapons?" she asked.

"I think Tara can do that easier."  He grinned.  "We've talked about how to get stuff out of here.  All that I'll have to grab is my laptop and the cats."

She nodded.  "Fine."  She let the cat go but it headbutted her.  She stared.  "You're pushy."

"She's a cat.  That's the definition," one of the guys noted.  Another one got him from one of the planting trays, making him look at his shoulder.  "That was sneaky."  He rolled his eyes at the cat nuzzling his cheek.

"Awww, he thinks you like boy cats," Xander teased with a grin.

"I'm not really a cat guy," he shot back.  "The stored, higher level stuff?"  Xander gave him a clueless look.  "Don't even.  One of your poker buddies said that you took something in return for his kitten poker debt."

"He was nice enough to tell us how heavy it was," Beckett agreed with a smirk.  "How did you get one from a military base?"

"Necessity."

"I heard.  I'm not going to say anything but we want it stored somewhere that it cannot be touched by anyone but you guys during an emergency like the last one or someone with a warrant, kid.  This week."

"It is."  He shifted.  "There's a lot of higher end storage areas in the city, Detectives.  They usually handle things like art.  I have my computer's backup there too."  She smirked at that.  "Did someone have a vision that we're going to have a fire?"

"No, but two other sci-fi authors in the city have," the minion said dryly.

"Really?  I hadn't heard that yet.  I'll have to call Paula.  She should've given those to whoever was over that case."  They nodded at that.  "If I hear anything, I'll tell you guys.  You know that."

"Which is why this is a talk instead of an ordering session," the minion pointed out.  He carefully moved the kitten away from nibbling on his ear, putting him onto the back of the couch to pet him.  It seemed to work.  Though he did attack his fingers to play with them. He stared down at the kitten.  "You're a bit strange."

"They're kittens, again part of the definition," Beckett said dryly.  She looked at him.  "Make backup plans, Harris.  And for that little blood problem of yours."

"I doubt something like a patch would help," he told her bluntly.  "Even if I'm captured, I have things I can go to and they can take me out if necessary as far as I know."  She smirked at that.  "I'm a surprise to many," he said with a smirk.  "I'm told I'm like the butterfly in the chaos theory."

She snickered.  "Yes, you probably are."  She quit petting and the kitten pounced her hand to gnaw on her fingers and play fight with them.  She shook her head, leaving with her minion and no cats.

Xander called someone.  "Gregori, it's Xander.  Who the fuck is burning authors?"  He listened.  "That's fine.  Oh, tell your little snot assed kid that telling the cops that he gave me artillery is probably not real nice.  Next time I'll bankrupt him and his family."  He hung up and thought about backup plans.  He didn't have the sort of money he'd need to make some.  He wasn't going to sell any of his 'research supplies' because this was the real world and he didn't like the ATF that much.

***

Paula looked at Xander, then sighed.  "How did you do this?" she asked quietly.  They were at a funeral.  He had dragged her as his 'date' because this was one of his ex's.  She had put it into her suicide note that he was to attend with his next bad girl.  Which she hoped she never turned into.  This one had killed seven people accidentally on purpose by blowing out the gas pilot light on her sister's house and then forgetting what that would do according to the statement she gave to the officers.  She had only wanted to make them sick while stealing her sister's husband, thinking he was nearly as good as Xander would be for her.

He shrugged.  "I don't know," he mumbled.  "I have no idea."  The others in the small chapel looked at him and he shrugged.  "She wanted me to be here."

The sister nodded.  "I remember."  She went back to silently cursing at her sister.  How could she have done this to her!  Trying to steal her husband... well she might've given him over really but to kill herself instead of going to jail?  Really not done in their family!

The ceremony was done quickly and she was cremated.   The lawyers gathered the necessary people right afterward.  Apparently they wanted this dealt with quietly and quickly.

***

Paula walked up to where Castle was on a scene.  It had taken a bribe to figure out which homicide in this city of dying people he was on but it was worth it.  She cleared her throat, staring at him.  "Your mentoree  is having a panic attack."

"Why?" he asked, coming over.  "Did someone kidnap one of the cats?"

"One of his bad girls committed suicide and left him things."

He gaped.   "I can't even write things that weird," he complained finally.

"No, you can't, thankfully.  Teach him how to be a normal man.  Please?  Before I have to go to more funerals?  He was frantic that the rest of them never hear about it and take it as a good idea."

"Why did she?" Beckett called.

"She didn't want her attorneys to get her money or house.   Or her sister for not being evil enough for him."  She looked at Rick again.  "Teach him better man skills.  He's been surrounded by girls and even Tara wants him taught guy skills as she called them.  Clearly someone somewhere got something wrong and it was probably that redheaded little bitch."  She walked off.

Rick stared then looked at his buddies again.  They were all looking confused.  "They said strange things happened around him."

"Clearly," one of the uniformed officers complained.  "Who would die and leave their house to their boyfriend when they had family?"

Rick called.  "Paula wants me to teach you like a son," he said bluntly when the frantic guy answered.  "Which one was she?"  He listened then shook his head.  "Gas stove lady," he said.

"Figures," Beckett said.  "She was shallow and made the detective who arrested her's brain hurt."

Rick listened.  "Let me get you the name of a good attorney to handle this, Xander.   Have Tara make sure it's not a curse or anything," he said, trying to calm him down.  "Exactly.  Just calm down.  I'll find one of my people later to help you with it."  The boy babbled something else.  "Xander, stop.  That's a what if and even *you* can't write it that strangely.  Just calm down.  Deep breath.  Yeah, exactly.  Make sure it's not a curse or anything.  Okay?  Let me talk to my family attorney to see who he recommends."  The boy was nearly back to the panicking stage.

"Who dropped what underneath your door?"  He blinked a few times.  "Huh.  We'll see, Xander.  I promise.  Okay?  Just calm down.  Bring it to us in about two hours.  We're on a scene.  Yup, two hours.  Calm down.  Maybe it's one of your bad girls who is taking out her old competition.  It could be an assassin who wants you're attention.  Hell, it could be a federal agent who's turned bad and wants you attention so she's making sure no one will rescue you," he offered.  The boy calmed down some.  "If Tara's not there, go to her aunt's shop and ask her.  Come see us in two hours."  He hung up.  "Someone dropped a note underneath his door that the one who had been people trafficking in LA had killed herself."

Beckett stared at him.  "That is too freaky for anything you write."

"I know, isn't it?"  He walked back over.  "He'll be at the office in two hours.  After he makes sure nothing Willow-ish happened."  They all nodded at that.  Which was hopefully the only reasonable explanation they could come up with.

***

Xander landed in the Hyperion thanks to Tara-gram.  He looked at Buffy.  "You don't feel the urge to kill yourself and leave me things too, right?" he asked.

"No," she said with an evil smirk.  "I have no intention of dying this year."

"Good!  Because six of my last girlfriends have."  She gaped, staring in horror at him.  "We're not sure if it's a wish of someone or if it's a serial killer trying to take out the competition or if it's just freakiness otherwise like the Punisher who's using my dating history to get rid of bad girls."

"Can't be the Punisher," Willow said from her seat where she was reading a textbook.  "He went after the mafia."

"No, they haven't touched the princess of that land I dated," he quipped.  "Yet.  I did call to warn her that so many of my former dates are ending up dead by their own hand.  She said if someone tried her, she'd kill them all."

"So it's either a wish that's making them do it or it's a wannabe girlfriend," Buffy said, staring at him.  "Why are you out here?"

"Talking to a few of the detectives I knew before."

"Oh, good!"

"And seeing if we can find out if it's a wish."

"Hmm.  Okay," Buffy decided.

"Did those two get here yet?"

"Heard rumors they're in town," Buffy admitted.  "Haven't seen them yet.  Go get a drink and then meet them.  We can ask if it's a wish."  He nodded, going to do that.  She shook her head.  "It has to be a wish, right?"

"No, the serial killer theory is about equal in probability," Willow said, looking at her.  "There was that one who tried that one time."

"Good point.  And he did date two of them."  She went to get herself some water then back to the plans for the night's hunting.  Finally a tall, cute young guy with muscles walked in when she needed a diversion.  "Hi, Sam."  He gaped.  She smirked.  "Tara described you to us."  He handed over the books.  "Thank you."

Willow looked over.  "Your dad got information from the world I sent Xander to on the demon.  He was *very* nasty to my ex-girlfriend and I will roast him if he tries to hurt her."

Sam nodded.   "Dad only knows about witches who make deals, Miss Rosenburg."

"Good."  She smiled.  "Then I don't have to go all mean kitty again and hiss."  She went back to her reading.  "Buffy, why don't you guys go back to wherever so we don't overwhelm him.  Then they can talk to Wes tomorrow?"

"We can do that," she offered with a smile.  "I'm only pre-planning my nightly hunting route."

"Sure," he decided, taking her with him.  He called Dean, who met them at a park.  A small one, not too many people around.  It had a lot of small kissing nooks they could make use of to grill her for information.   Buffy walked in and flopped down, sighing in pleasure.  "It is nice today," he agreed.

Dean walked in and stared.  "You're a slayer?" he asked quietly.

"We're all cute and womanly to throw people off."  She smirked.  "It doesn't mean I can't kick most people's butts."

"Good."  He sat down next to his brother.  "So, how many classes of demons are there?"

***

Xander walked into the demon bar that night.  "Mitch, you still owe me twenty kittens!" he called into a back room as he walked past it.  He went up the stairs and to the office, knocking before walking in.  "Was it a wish?" he asked bluntly.

"I do not know, Harris.  There's been some wonderings all over the community about that sudden lack of ex's of yours."

"Us too and I'm nearly freaking out."

"Hmm.  I've asked but no one knows for sure or won't say and D'Hoffryn is hiding."

Xander grimaced.  "Fuck."

"No, I don't want to end up dead too," he said bluntly.

"Damn it, I need to date!" he complained.  "I can't do that because they might end up dead too."  He looked around.  "Hallie!" he bellowed.  She glared as she appeared.  "Was it a wish?"

She gaped.  "What?"

"The sudden influx of my ex's being killed just after they leave me all their stuff," he said bluntly.  "Most by suicide.  It's getting a bit suspicious and it's left six kids parentless."

She stared at him then at the bar's owner.  "Is he high?"

"No, but it's something we're all wondering about.  He's had sixteen ex's kill themselves and another two killed while trying to escape custody.  All after they left him things."

She stared at Xander again.  "How do you do that?" she demanded.

"I didn't."

"So you think it's a wish?"

"It's a bit coincidental," he said dryly.  "Don't you think?"

"Well, yes."  She frowned.  "Those children?"

"Two have aunts.  Four are in the system.  I wasn't left the kids.  I was left houses, apartments, money, jewelry.  Land.  Weapons if they had them."

Hallie was starting to feel that tingle.  "Let me talk to a few people.  And don't yell like that."

"I could complain that you still owe me six kittens," he said dryly.  "Or that I really need and want to get laid soon but I can't because of this."  He smirked meanly.  "Unless you have a target for it to work on?"

She huffed.  "Ten or twenty," she admitted.  "Want introduced?"

"Hell, I don't care as long as they're truly evil and they're good in bed."

She smirked.  "Gun runner?  Drug dealer?"

"Eww."

"People seller?  You've had one of those."

"I dumped her and never spoke to her again when I found out."

"Hmm.  Well...."  She took him with her to one she knew, changing his clothes for him.  She even let the former girlfriend in the room introduce them.  Whatever drew bad girls to him caught his hunting instincts and nearly purred back.  Yeah, they'd help solve his lack of girlfriends and if that was a wish she could monitor what happened to her.

***

Xander was walked into the squad room the next morning and handed over to the captain.  "He said he knows you?"

"Yes he does.  What did he do?"

"The ...person who sent out the orders to get his ex girlfriends ordered his one last night nearly taken out as well."

Xander shrugged a bit.  "We were testing to see if it was automatic or if there was a list," he admitted.  "My former fiancee's best friend, who is in the same line of work almost, pointed me at someone who was very evil and the world could do without if it was automatic."

"Which it apparently is," the agent said.  He handed over the report.   "That friend also had her boss fix it when they figured out what had happened."  He smirked at Harris.  "Thank you for helping us do our job, Mr. Harris.  We didn't want her in this country anyway."  He left them alone.

"What did your ex do?  The nun, right?"

"She was vengeance over women scorned.  Hallie, her friend, is over lost childhoods."

"Eww," he said with a wince and hiss.  "I think I've seen some of her work."

"She set me up with a very nice jewelry smuggler/assassin.  It was her idea totally."

"I'm sure it was."  He smirked.  "You feel better?"

"I can hold off dating, that curse is ended, and hopefully this shit is stopped."

"I hope so too.  Get out of my office.  Why have them bring you here?"

Xander shrugged.  "They asked which detective was getting the ones I was dating.  Apparently Riley Finn and his crew told stories he had heard."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "Go home.  Tara's probably frantic."

"I called her."  He smirked.   "She yelled at Hallie too."

"As we all should, kid.  Home."  He bounced out.  He sent a note to Beckett about that since she had taken over auntish nagging duties for the boy.  Maybe Castle could straighten that kid out soon now that the curse or whatever was gone.

***

Tara opened the door, staring at him.  "You did what?" she demanded, not letting him into the apartment.

He stared at her.  "Went to talk to Hallie to see if it was a wish and I complained I really wanted laid."  He shrugged.  "She pointed me at her so she could see if there was a list or if it was a wish.  Which it was, from Willow.  Accidentally."  She huffed.  He walked in and checked before closing the door.  "D'Hoffryn removed it."

"Good!"  She stared at him.  "That is not good behavior, Xander.  What if she had been innocent?"

"Hallie sent me at her.  Do you really think she was an innocent?"

"That's still nearly taking their lives like an assassin," she countered.

He stared at her.  "Not if it wasn't a wish.  And hey, we stopped her."  She glared.  He stared back.  "I know, you're high on the sanctity of all life, even the bad guys.  I mostly am but how did you want me to figure this out?"

She huffed and stamped a foot.  "It's still bad, Xander."

He shrugged.  "There was no other way to tell.  Unless you wanted me to go pick up in the club and risk it hitting someone slightly naughty who kinda speeds now and then?"

She went pale.  "No.  I didn't."

"Then choose.  How did you want to figure that out?"  He stared her down.  "Not like I'm some whore, Tara."

"I know you're not."  She slumped into a chair, staring at him.  "It's still bordering on evil."

"She killed ninety people."

"Oh, but still bad."

"Maybe," he agreed.  "But if I need it that badly and I can't use my hand because it's been so damn long, I'd rather have it hit the evil things instead of the slightly naughty I might pick up in the clubs."

"It's a point but still not a good one," she said.

"You know what?  We're going around in circles.  I'm sorry you don't approve," he said bluntly.  She huffed off to her room.  He sat down to watch tv.  She left, her bag meowing.  He looked at the one next to him.  "Did she forget you?"  He winced when he heard the bottom door slam.  He called her aunt to warn her she was in a girl snit and why.  Her aunt said it wasn't good but it was better than him getting someone less evil by accident.  Or even hiring someone and it getting her.  He petted the cat, watching the stupid show on tv.  He found a construction show and it was nicer.  The cat was happy to be petted all by herself too.

***

Rick walked up to the kid late the next day, staring at him.  "Tara's still moping.  She's decided that was uber-bad as she put it.  Leading you down to Willow's level of evil."

Xander looked up from his reading in the sun to stare at him.  "Not really.  We all have some flexible ethics from hunting, Rick."  He shrugged.  "She's getting all white lighter hissy on me.  I know why but I'm not going to apologize for it because I'd rather not have that stuff happen when I wanted to go pick up someone at the bar later that night.  Which she's also suddenly down on me for.  Someone's turning Tara into a prude."  He went back to reading.  "You can tell her aunt to quit that too because it'll definitely cut down on the ways Tara can hunt."

"I realize that you guys have some...fairly shady contacts," he said, sitting next to him on the bench.  "And that she's a girl.  She's going to fuss."

Xander looked at him.  "No, I think this fussing is coming from her aunt.  Who suddenly decided I'm the end of all evil for it."  He put down his book.  "Since I was going to hit the club that night for stress relief did she want me to pick up someone?"

"No, not with that.  Which is something that guys would see easier than women anyway," he realized.  Xander nodded.  "She's moping so badly her aunt was talking to her about moving out."

"If that's what she wants," he sighed.  "I don't know what her problem is.  Usually I get girl problems but I'm not going to be treated like I'm some evil gigolo for her to sneer at.  Not by her and her aunt.  So that's all on her.  If so, I've got a wonderful apartment and one of the cats."

"I think she went to repossess that one," he admitted.

"No.  She's deciding to like the grass."  He pointed at where the cat was lounging in the sun.  "I have her on a leash."  He grinned.  "I don't know how to cure this bout of cranky and I don't know if anything would.  I don't know who's giving who the ideas, or if it's her aunt's coven."

"They seem pretty nice."

"They're mostly Southern, the same as Tara is.  Her aunt is a bit uptight.  She hates the idea of hunting.  Has been trying to get Tara out of it for months now."

"Which might do good for both of you," Castle offered.

"Yeah, maybe.  I know I have flexible ethics sometimes.  It's not like I killed them.  It was Willow's wish."

"Is that who did it?"  Xander grimaced but nodded.  "I would've put bets on Anya."

"That may be....  Hey, Mitch," he said, smirking at the demon over boyfriends scorned.  "Big issues?"

He leaned down.  "Tara's majorly heaving from the rumors going around."

"Yeah, I'm not sure what the reason is yet beyond her aunt."

"Hmm.  Well, it could be a spell," he said dryly, staring at him.  He smirked back.  "Don't know how you'd prove it though."

"Not that hard really.  I'd go to repossess my t-shirt she took."  Mitch smirked and handed him some money.  "Thanks, man."

"Not that you need it."

"I'm not taking those things."

"The lawyer is working on it," Rick reminded him.

"Yeah, well, there's no reason to leave it to me and cut out their families.  Even if they do end up mine, I'd probably sell them."   They both nodded.  He looked at Mitch.  "Gregori's middle daughter told me she had heard Anya was sending out a wish?"

"Yeah, but nothing like this.  To bolster hers since apparently it hasn't hit yet."

"Authors don't really get groupies," Rick said dryly.

"Huh.  I didn't know that."  He walked off.  "Pretty day, Xander, and cute cat.  I would've figured you for a dog."

Xander shrugged.  "I like pets."  He tucked the money into his pocket.  "He owed me some kittens."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "So what are you going to do about Tara?"

Xander smirked.  "I'm going to blow three poker debts tonight."  He stood up and picked up the cat, untying the leash.  "That book's not bad.  You should read it."  He walked off talking to the cat.

***

That night, a demon appeared in front of the sons and father on the road, stopping the car with a screech of brakes.  "If you keep going, there will be a horrific crash caused by the demon's daughter Meg," he said when Dean got out with a gun.  "It will lead to your father selling himself to get you out of a coma."  Dean gaped.  "It has been *seen* by someone who sends me to warn you.  It canceled out a poker debt," he said with a small shrug.  "Beware of semi's.  The driver is not in his right mind.  Or left mind.  Azazel is not happy with how his plans are going.  Your brother's will is too strong to break at this point, Winchester.  So said the One Who Sees."  He disappeared.

Dean slid back in and stared at the others.  "Any idea which seer that is, Sammy?" he asked finally.

"Xander.  It's all over his rumored background.  He's a latent but something in the fight with Glory, and the coma he was in for a few days, knocked it active."  He looked at his father, who was glaring.  "We heard you met with them."

"The boy was naked because that witch pulled him out of his shower," he said dryly.

"Tara's very overprotective," Dean agreed.  "Though, clearly going on the fussing overload train again."

Sam nodded quickly.  "It was nice she packed us a lunch to take with us."

"It was, yeah.  She's a pretty decent cook."

"She's a witch," John reminded them.  "I taught you two better."

"Dad, she's not that sort of witch," Dean said.

Sam nodded, smirking at him.  "She's a bloodline witch.  Traces back at least seven generations.  One or two a generation."  John rolled his eyes and snorted.  "So by now any taint that they got, it's gone."

"Maybe.  I still don't think witches hunt."

Dean snorted.  "Rosenburg does and she's scarily powerful.  Thankfully over her addiction to her skills too."  Sam nodded at that.  "She's the one who kept closing their hellmouth."

John stared.  "Hellmouth?"  Sam pulled out his computer and the books Willow had on disc, putting one in.  John read it over, frowning.  "There's no way."

"Xander was born there," Dean said, pulling the car off to the side of the road.  "Willow was there pretty young.  The slayer got sent there.  Tara went there for college, hooked up with Willow."

Sam beamed and nodded.  "I looked up their town's stats from before the FBI shut them down and gave it to the peaceful demon community, Dad.  It was horrifying before Buffy got sent there."

John blinked a few times.  "Horrifying?"  Sam pulled up that research and he gaped in horror.  "No wonder a slayer got sent there!"

"Yup," Dean agreed with a grin.  "We spent two days talking to her and a younger watcher who got fired for wanting to do things the right way.   Plus her mom fed us one night.  The team's like a family.  Slightly dysfunctional but pretty decent most of the time."

Sam nodded.  "Things are slow right now in LA."

John handed the laptop back, considering it.  "So this witch is a good witch?"

"Both are.  Rosenburg's returned to it after fighting her addiction to her skills.  Her husband is helping.  Which is a whole other story," Sam told him.  "We're talking cheating, wishes to redeem, a vengeance demon who is now a nun....."  John shuddered at that, getting out of the car to pace.  Sam got out to lean against the car.  "Remember Anyanka?"

"Graphically," he said, grimacing at the sky.

"She lost her powers in Sunnydale."  John turned to look at him.  "Dated Harris while human.  They were engaged.  And then she cheated.  His wish was for her to find charity and faith."  John's mouth flopped open.  "Tara's ex, Willow, was who she was cheating with.  She got cursed to have a wonderful husband who would want a lot of kids to keep her happy, content, and give her someone to teach and fuss over."

"I think she's knocked up right now," Dean admitted.  "She had that 'breakfast is evil' glow the second day we stopped in."  John stared at him too.  "Apparently there's whole levels of shit we had no idea about, Dad.  Including whole legions of true white witches, gray witches, chaos people, all that."

"This addiction?"

"Magic can cure anything," Sam said in a falsetto.  "As she put it.  Xander sicced the White Order on her."

John shuddered.  "They've taken out a few hunters for going wrong," he admitted.  "They're not nice by any definition."

"Exactly," Dean agreed with an evil smirk.  "Which is why she's now better."

"These other witches?"

"Bloodlined, some who got it awakened when they tried it out.  No dark deals, just the Goddess.  Whole covens and groups of them.  Chaos people, some to Janus and some to others.  Gray orders that just want to maintain balance."

John shook his head.  "I have not run into any of those."

"Us either," Dean agreed.  "Willow introduced us to some out there.  She's working with a pretty uptight coven.  Tara said her aunt's coven is very uptight too."

John sighed, nodding.  "I can see why."  He heard a loud engine and looked.  "Semi."  Dean got into the car and moved it off the road as the semi tried to hit it.  It ended up in a ditch but better that than in a hospital.  John watched it try to stop but a tire was popped and it flipped over.  They went to check.  The driver was dead.  Dean called the cops and told them about the out of control semi that had gotten them off the road and had flipped.  They sent out people to handle that.  John looked at them.  "Harris really hunts?"

"He's one of the main hunters in New York," Sam said with a grin.  "Only of the things causing problems.  They don't care about the peaceful ones and Tara told us a lot of stories about kitten poker games for information."

John shuddered again.  "That sounds gross."

"They tend to eat them," Dean said.  "I asked."

"Still disgusting."  Officers showed up, a tow truck for the semi and one for their car with it.  It was going to be a long night.

***

The other two debts were paid off when Tara was brought to where Xander and the kitty were waiting.  Then all the magic in the building was dissipated.  Including the hellmouth taints they both carried.  It would regrow in Harris, it always did, but it was going to help her.

Xander stared at her.  "Are you feeling less fuzzy headed?"

"Are you pulling a Willow?' she countered, glaring at him.

"No, we just removed all the magic in and of you for the next twenty-four hours."  He stared at her.  "Because the rumors going around are saying someone's got emotional spells on you."

"Give me my kitten."

"You left her.  She's mine."  He shrugged.  "You have a few of my shirts too, Tara."  She glared.  The demon still with them walked over and took off the rest of the spells around her, including Willow's.  Which brought her to puke next to them and help when he told her why.  Tara slumped, gathering herself.  "Thank you," Xander told them.  They nodded and Willow stared at him.  "She didn't like Hallie's plan and there's rumors of spells."

"Good thinking."  She left, going to tell Daniel that.

Xander looked at her.  "So, are they brainwashing you or not?"

"I....  I'm not...not like that," she said.

He stared.  "You haven't stuttered in over two years," he pointed out simply.  She gave him a horrified look.  He moved closer, letting her pet the kitten.  "I'm worried about you, Tara.  They're changing you and it's not always for the good," he said quietly.  "I adore you like a sister, even though you're disappointed in me.   I knew we had to find out before I broke and went to the club.  I was planning on going that night anyway."  She shuddered.  "I was on my way there when I realized the demons in LA could figure out if it was a wish without the risk to everyone else."  She looked at him.  "I don't care if you don't approve," he said bluntly.  "I'm a big boy, Tara.  We're friends, you're not my wife."  She nodded, stepping back.  "Beyond that, you're still welcome in your room.  This turning you into a prude thing your aunt has... that I'd like to see stopped for your own health.  She's put down each and every one of your dates recently, even though two were really nice and sweet from what I could tell."   He shrugged.  "I'm not saying get away from your aunt, I'm saying to think and make your own decisions.  You're a big girl, Tara."

"I can't afford to live alone," she sighed.

He nodded.  "You're still welcome to your room.  Nothing's changed in the apartment."

"You have....  You can move."

"I'm not keeping those, Tara, and I'm being pressured to move somewhere safer.  With you since people are going to probably try you sometime.  There's been a few punks who moved into the area recently.  They haven't done enough for me to be more than cautious about them."

She huffed, taking the cat to pet.  "I didn't mean to leave her."

"Yay."  He smiled.  "She's good at helping me eat my breakfast."  He stared at her.  "Think for yourself.  Not for her."  He took the cat back and let her rest on his shoulder.  "Beyond that, I noticed he removed something Anya had done.  I'm not sure what it was.  You'd have to ask him."

"You blew poker debts for this?" she asked.

"Yeah, I did.  I don't really need more money at the moment."  She walked off shaking her head.  "I'll be home later."  He walked out, paying her cab for her on the way past.  And she said he was forgetful.  The same demon had went to take the magic from whoever had put spells on her, beyond Willow - because he knew there were some to check on her, and then to cancel out his poker debt by bragging a bit.  He was young and needed status.  It would mean people would quit going to Tara to see if she could take the magic out of things.  Which meant he could pay sooner the next time he lost to him.

***

Tara walked into her aunt's shop, staring at the worried looking older women.  Then at the shop girl.  She had talked to the demon, found out who had put the spells on her.  She stared at that one very hard.  "I don't know you well enough for you to put spells on me.  Xander is a very dear friend and I will not allow you to harm him that way.  He was right, I needed to think without the spells."  She looked at her aunt then at her aunt's coven.  "I'm still going to hunt the bad things.  It's my duty.  Those of us who are strong should protect those of us who're weaker."  They backed away.  "He's also right that I've been seeing and ignoring some past bad habits," she told her aunt.  "He caught me stuttering for the first time in two years earlier."  Her aunt went pale.  "I think I'm going to go to my room to think."  She went up there to pack.  Clearly someone wanted bad things to happen to her again.  She cuddled the kittens, noticing one was gone.  She summoned her back and it was better.

"Any witch only needs one familiar and that one would be jealous of all other pets," her aunt told her from the doorway.

She looked at her.  "No they're not.  And they're not familiars.  They're pets."  She petted them all and gathered things, including them, heading home.  Clearly she needed to get her head on straight.  She found her ATM card at home, which she had forgotten, and took it to the motel for the night.  Or maybe two.  She had tomorrow off.  She had noticed the other kitten was there but she clearly loved Xander and she wouldn't hurt him that way.  She was not her father.

***

Xander was waiting when the aunts came storming out of the store.  "Yes, I had all the spells on her, down to the checking spells Willow put on her, canceled out.  Every bit of magic in her, around her, on her, all that.  That way she could think for herself."  He stared at the aunt.  "If you actually gave a damn about your niece, you'd want her to think for herself and make her own choices.  Even ones you didn't agree with.  That's part of growing up."  He stared her down.

"Even if she moves out to her own place, I'm not going to let anyone hurt her.  By the way, caught the nice letters to her father," he said, holding one up.  "Cute, really."  He smirked.  "He can't show up at the house.  I've already filed a restraining order for her.  That way no one has to beat him for her."  He put the letter away.  "Then again, I don't know why you wanted to brainwash her anyway.  Weren't you against him doing that to her mother?"  She gasped and backed away.

He looked back.  "Hold on, Gregori."  He looked at her again.  "Clearly she needs time away from people who want to upset her or think of her as helpless.  I know she's not helpless.  I've seen her kick butt.  You guys....  No more.  Really."  He walked over to where the demon was.  "What's up?"

"Tara's at a motel?"

"If that's what she wants tonight."

He nodded.  "You two still fighting?"

"That too."  He gave him a dirty look.  "Thank your little one for me.  Maybe he can use that to get a career."

Gregori laughed and patted him on the head.  "I'm going to point that out to him.  Many would love him for it."  He walked off happier.  Some of his people were watching over Tara.  They didn't want to upset Harris and Rosenburg if she got hurt.  They might take out the city.  Xander might even resort to magic.  That would be an apocalypse that no one would stop.

Xander looked back at the older women.  "She's not your familiar.  Quit treating her like it."  He walked off, going home to watch some tv.

The coven glared at each other then got together to talk.  That girl needed help.

***

Tara walked up to her aunt's friend the next day since she was in the same herb market.  "If you're trying for the lethe's brambles, that protection is still on me after Willow tried it," she said simply.  The woman gave her a horrified look.  She stared her down.  "I'm not the mousy little thing that she knew before.  I grew up, grew up really strong thanks to Willow and the Scoobies.  I won't let anyone put me back there again."

"That boy does," she sneered.

"He never asks me to fuss at him or over him.  To cook dinner, nothing.  He never asks me to do anything for him.  We set up a cooking rotation.  We set up who does what chore.  He expects me to be an adult.  I do fuss because his muses are unreasonable.  That is my choice.  My choice is also that I'm not going to be made into that girl again.  I'm stronger now."

"He filed a restraining order for you?" she sneered.

"Probably to protect me.  I'll ask him later when we talk."  She walked off to pay for her purchases.  She had to get in touch with the Goddess to help her make some decisions.  Xander had been right, she needed to think for herself again.  It was time to make her own choices and to help herself with what path she was going to go down.  Having no magic at the moment made it easier to think.  She didn't have to worry.  She had seen the few demons watching but they weren't going to harm her.  Gregori wouldn't hurt her most of the time.  He was still scared of what Willow might do.

***

Tara let herself into the apartment, letting the cats down and putting her bag down beside the door.  She sat down, staring at Xander, who was staring mindlessly at the tv.  "Are you a zombie?" she asked.

"No.  I'm trying to resist the bad urges to go beat your aunt."

"Why?  And restraining order?"

"Same reason," he admitted, tossing her a letter.  He looked at her.  "Yes I did.  In case they showed up without us hearing.  That would make it your choice to enforce it or not."

Tara nodded.  "That's highly overprotective of you, Xander."  She opened it to read.

"You knew I was like this when you met me," he said dryly.

"Good point."  She looked at the letter, reading it.  She put it aside.  "They said they're coming up next month."

Xander nodded.  "If you want me to, I'll kick their asses."

"No.  I'll let the restraining order stand."  She shifted, getting comfortable.  "I still don't like Hallie's version of testing it."

"Yay," he pointed out.  "It's happened."

"True."  She looked around.  "I could move to a smaller place.  Or even a smaller town," she said.

Xander nodded.   "You could.  There's places that need librarians.  You could even move near some of the other hunters in the midwest."  She nodded that was true.  "That's your choice, Tara.  I'm not going to beg and whine like I'm your kid.  You're like my sister but you have a good mind that you've worked hard to settle into who you want it to be."

She nodded.  "I have."  She sighed, petting the kittens that came to cuddle her.  "I still didn't mean to leave her."

"Yay."  He gave her a look.

"Fine."  She petted them all.  "I don't know," she admitted.  "Before I met them, things seemed a lot clearer."

"Family is the one thing that can screw you all to hell and back."

"Yes they are," she sighed.  "Yours?"  He held up the two letters.  "Good?"

"No.  My father begging me to help him appeal to a lesser sentence.  He gets out in six months and said if I leave him there he's going to fuck up my life when he gets out."

"That could keep him in there longer," she said.

He smirked.  "He put in code as 'remember that Halloween when you were six, son; we'll go over that when I get out'."

"Eww.  Sorry."

"Not a problem."  He put them on the coffee table.  "So, are you moving back in?"

She nodded.  "Until I decide if I want to maybe go to the midwest.  It's cheaper to live there and a lot less complicated than living in this city is."

"Yeah, it can be," he agreed.  "But not as many plays or museums."

"A good point.  But I could help more people."

He looked at her.  "You're not out there volunteering?" he suggested.  She grimaced, shaking her head.  "The cat'll wake me up, Tara.  Go help at a pediatrics center and stuff.  You want to, and you should."

"I don't feel like I'm paying my fair share."

"I already bought the apartment; that means no rent to pay.  You pay half the other bills.  It's proportional to the amount of money you bring in.  If I suddenly stop selling, then we'll renegotiate."

"That would be a mean spell."

"Paula got one sent at her."

"Damn it."

"I had someone lay protections on her and others so they could see *me*, not the persona and not be touched by spells."

"That's a good idea.  Who?  Willow?"

"Nope.  Paid one of the lightest of the light for it.  Helena's in town again."

"Really?" she asked.  He handed over a card.  "She invited me?"

"Yup.  For after work tomorrow."

She relaxed and nodded.  Helena was a very light side, very powerful, older witch from upstate past Sunnydale.  She had went to her for advice before.  "I'll see her then.  You don't...."

"Even if you move to the midwest, if you called I'd still come," he assured her quietly.  She smiled and kissed him on the cheek before going to bed.  He settled in, all the kittens coming to play with him.   He was their favorite playtoy.

***

Tara smiled at the elder witch.  "Thank you for letting me come visit, Helena."

"It's not a problem, Tara.  I've heard about some struggles."

"Xander?"

"No, Willow."  Tara rolled her eyes and shook her head but sat down.  "She was worried about you, dear.  That you were stuttering again.  That your aunts were turning you into prudes according to Xander, a bunch of other things.  So tell me.  Let me give you some advice if I can."  Tara sipped her tea, pouring her friend a cup as well as she told her everything that had went on.  Including her parents.

***

Helena walked up to Xander that night, where she had ordered him to show up.  She stared at him.  "You don't look like her brothers."

"I always say near-sister," he quipped dryly.  He stared at her.  "That's why I had Willow tell you."

"Good planning, boy.  She needed it."

"That's why I had all the magic taken for a day.  So anything like a spell would be ended and she could make her own decisions."

"Which could mean you'd be alone."

"If that's her decision, I'll have to accept it," he pointed out.

She stared at him.  "You're not that tough emotionally."

Xander glared at her.  "You don't know me that well, Helena."

"I do actually.  Those spells, I added myself.  You're the damndest soul sometimes."

"Yeah, the angels trying to cause a final apocalypse probably have," he said dryly.

"Them," she snorted.  "They can't succeed unless Dean sells his soul."  Xander smiled and texted that to Sam's phone.  "Figured you stepped in farther."

"Tara found them out hunting."

"Ah."  She nodded, walking off with him beside her.  "She's still a mite confused," she admitted quietly.  "She's making some good plans.  She's right, you're carrying her financially."

"She pays half the bills.  Does half the cooking, all that.  Her job won't let her afford to live alone."

"I know.  I pointed that out.  She said if you two have to move, she wants to pay for half of the new place."

Xander nodded.  "I might see that."

"Good."  She smiled.  "They're right to worry.  That one getting authors will get you."

"I'll move more stuff into the secured storage area then," he decided.  "Tonight?"

"No idea.  I'm not that sort of seer."

"I hate like hell I am sometimes."  She stared at him.  "I got knocked out after Glory."

"I heard.  I sent a prayer for healing to the Goddess for you."

"Apparently something they gave me or something that got bumped wrong during it started off visions.  One of my first ones was the situation with that possible final apocalypse."

"Figures you wouldn't see cute and fluffy things," she said.  "You've never known them."  She patted him on the arm.  "She's doing good fledging.  It's difficult but she's long overdue for some of this.  Most of us did it as teenagers."

He shrugged.  "Not like I had to fight for my independence."

"True.  You had to fight to be recognized."  She smiled.  "It'll be fine.  I pointed this out to her.  Have you found a new place?"

"Yup.  Had to take out a small mortgage too," he said dryly.

"You knew?"

"No.  Real estate out here in fucking expensive."  She cackled and nodded.  "I'll have something drawn up so I pay for the redecorating.  She'll pay off that mortgage, we'll split the bills and fees.  It's got monthly building fees."

"Is it nice?"

"Way too nice for my tastes but Paula liked it," he said dryly.  "I said something smaller.  She hushed me up.  She was acting like Anya and I pointed that out so we moved to somewhere less high class, since I'm not, and more practical.  Plus bigger.  With less planting space," he quipped.  She cackled at that.  "Have you seen our place?  I gave her everything she could want then."

"I heard."  She patted him on the cheek with a smile.  "She even sent me pictures and film."  He grinned.  "Make sure she can pay her half."

"I will."  He walked her back to her hired car and let her head off.  He took a cab home and walked in.  Tara was pouting at things.  "If they're right and we're going to be burned out, you have to decide how you want your room and bathroom painted."

She stared at him.  "We are?"

"I've seen it, she's seen it...."

"Oh."  She grimaced.  "Do we have a place?"

"I had to cut down Paula's bright ideas on living higher up."

"The ground is good," she pointed out.

"Second floor."  She smiled and nodded.  He got the forms.  "This is what I had to take out.  This is the rest of the cost I've already paid.  This part of that was for the fixing crew, because it needed an overhaul in some areas."  He handed over the mortgage forms.  "I'll pay for the fixing and decorating.  You pick out what you want.  You pay that off.  We'll split the bills."  She beamed and nodded.  "We will not have that much growing area."

"I can agree with that.  You spoiled me," she told him.

He smirked.  "It was that place or a duplex, side-by-side one, like the condo in LA but that would've been more expensive for the taxes.  Plus the neighbors were the sort of Baptists that're nearly nazi in their desire to have things done their way and only their way."

"I can do that."  She read over the information on the loan form.  She nodded, she could afford that.  "I get to pick my own bathroom?"  He nodded.  "Can I have my tub?"

"If we move it before the fire.  Speaking of, since it might be soon, we have to move more stuff to secured storage."

"I'll do that later tomorrow."  He nodded at that.  She went to pack things via magic.  It made it easier to conceal.  He got them down to his car and over there.  She'd bring more of their clothes over.  That only left the cats and the current stuff they could lose.  He came back.  "Laptop?"

"Alexis has it securely stored since there's no hint of it going near her dad."  He sat down and put his feet up, getting a lapful of four cats.  He stared then at her.  "So I guess you have three and I have one?"

"Apparently."  She went back to working on her budget.  "Will the homeowner association complain about pets?"

"Nope.  I told them you worked with a cat breeder on the side.  One for the earth mother sort, not purebred."

She beamed.  "So they don't mind?"

"The HOA is only three old ladies, who all have a lot of cats too, and one guy who's really grumpy."

"Is he our neighbor?"

"Downstairs."

She nodded.  "Within sight of grass?"

"Look over the balcony at our communal area?" he suggested.  She beamed and nodded, getting back to it.  "They did say we were younger than the usual tenants.  I told them I was a writer, you were a librarian, and no, you were my friend not my lover.  They did warn us not to keep them up with all that wild going ons as they put it."

"Neither of us throw parties."  She finished up and it came up very good.  Including some savings.  So she could easily do that.  She settled in to watch tv with him.  Fire alarms started going off and the cats tried to hide but she gathered them into her big purse she had left.  He got the clothes.  She got most of hers, and he grabbed a few bags of things to eat.  They ran out and put them in the car then she went back for other stuff.  The fire department got there as she was coming out with the rest.  They led her off but she put it into the car and they made her move it.  Which she did.  Xander was inside.  She hissed and worried until he got brought out with the fireman and the one he was helping.  She waved him over so he cam to lean against the car.  "That was heroic."

He smirked.  "Brave yet stupid," he said then coughed.  "That's me."  They looked.  It was only in the bottom apartment, with that one suicidal, insane person who had stabbed her boyfriend.  She hadn't wanted to go to jail.  But the fire department knew so they could handle it.  Someone drove past and threw a molotov at the fire truck and Xander got it on his camera phone.  He waved one of the cops trying to chase them over, handing him the phone.  "Licence plate is a bit grungy."

"Thank you, sir."  He called that in and they could find them sometime very soon.  He handed it back and went to talk to the crew chief.  Who was livid.  He came back to take statements and they told them how she had done it before.  They kept it in the one apartment so it was good the crew Xander had hired had put down fire retardant barriers around his place.   Then suddenly their place went up and they sighed, shaking their heads.  Tara told him about the threat to a few sci-fi authors from someone who hated fantasy literature.  That officer called that detective and he came to talk to them too.  This time they got them.  She had been trapped trying to deliver her lethal little package.  She was dying of smoke inhalation when they found her.  Thankfully EMT's were on site with oxygen so she could go to jail too.  Xander got his phone back and they were all happier.

***

Tara looked around their new place and sighed.  "It's much bigger."

"Yes it is," he said dryly.  "All the major fixing work is done.  All that's left is some updating.  I checked, we can live here during it."  She smiled and nodded.  He pointed.  "Your office, your bedroom, and your bathroom, m'lady."

She went to snoop.  It was connected to her bedroom but it was very nice.  Her office had almost no windows.  She came out.  "Can I put a window in?"

"Only if you want to move the trash tube."

"Oh."  She went to look in his.  It was nice.  Bigger.  The kittens were on his bed.  She looked.  "Traitors.  I have a bed too."

"They'll be on your bed later," Xander reminded her.  "They're cats, they sleep all the time."  She nodded she knew that and they went to look at everything else.  She got to talk to the construction guy.  He checked and they could get her old tub to put in.  Xander's too if he wanted but he shook his head and asked for one with jets and things for when he was sore.  They got things worked out and moved all the stuff from secure storage with the help of a moving truck.  Then they settled in to live through the next three months of renovations and painting.  They could do that.

***

Xander looked up from waiting on Paula when she came out with someone.  "Detective," he said, spotting the badge.  He wouldn't give himself away this time.

"Mr. Harris.  I had someone tell me I looked just like someone in a book that was foul and disgusting for promoting fantasy," he said bluntly.

He grinned.  "I stated in the front of the book that I did sometimes base the physical descriptions on people I had seen but it was not meant to be them.  I changed as much as I could to try to blur that as well."  He stood up.  "I'm sorry if it upset you."

He stared at him.  "You're pretty good, kid."  He stared at him.  "But that's not the whole truth."  He smirked.

"You talked to who?" he asked.  He looked at Paula.

"A halfie works in his precinct."

"Ah!"  He nodded.  "Yeah, she sent me there," he said quietly, looking around.  "I tried really hard to warp it so it didn't look totally like you.  I'm sorry if you're upset."

"Am I insane there?"

"No.  Not yet, Detective Flack.  Though that whole relationship thing that you accidentally got put into is a bit frustrating now and then.  I saw you three having a fight."

"Huh?" he demanded.

Xander sighed and they went to the office so he could tell him about that in private.  Don groaned and shook his head at the mistranslation.  "So, no, they couldn't undo that.  But he's doing a lot of good work.  He's mostly happy with it.  They tend to send you two out on diplomatic things."

"Uh-huh."  He stood up.  "I read the first one over and managed to spot three other people I know outside of those you mentioned."

"I tried.  I apparently sucked at it but I did try."

"It's not totally obvious but if you're looking for it and know them it's fairly clear."  Xander winced.  "I won't sue ya or anything but some are gonna be pissed."

"Yeah, well, a unit in Homeland that hunts demons isn't real pleased either.  The people over Dr. Jerry isn't either but they only wanted to see an advanced copy in case I was letting out anything classified."  Paula moaned.  "They haven't said I have yet.  Jack gets it."

"I suppose that's fine."  She looked at him.  "Will this cause him future legal problems?"

"Probably just some scowling.  I know many writers do it.  I've been in another one because I'm so pretty," he said dryly, staring at the kid, who shrugged a bit.

"I can put you into Tral if you want, Detective," he offered with a grin.

He snorted.  "Please don't.  I'd make a sucky elf."  He stared at him.  "She started out reading that one and went to this new series to check it out.  Then she heard rumors about this being a real alternate reality."

"Sorry."

"Nah.  Just try to make later ones a bit more subtle?  Not that I can't glare people into giving up..."  He walked out happier.

Xander looked at Paula.  "I did try."

"I know you did.  We were making sure no one was going to sue us."  She pointed and he sat down.  "Sales are doing good."

"Good."

"The higher ups hate you."

"Did they get hit with the spell that I had blocked from you?"

"Yes.  I had it removed as well.  They still hate that people hate you that way but they like how much money you make us."

He sighed.  "So I'm going to be dropped?"

She snorted.  "Hell no.  I'll go start my own publishing house and do you myself."  He beamed at that.  "The new place?"

"Nearly painted.  Bathrooms are working again.  They did one at a time."

"That's always reasonable when you're living in there."

"The cats hated being cooped up all day. One managed to wiggle his way out under the door and went to help put up cabinets."  She groaned, shaking her head.  "The construction foreman told me they were highly amused because whenever they brought in a new cabinet to hang, the kitten was on the last one and purred at them for giving him new higher spots to lounge one.  No matter how many times they put him into the bedroom.  I solved it by stuffing a towel under the door."  She smirked at that.  "Tara nagged them for hours."

"I figured she did.  So it's nearly done?"

"About three-quarters.  I'm still not throwing parties and they warned us not to."

"I know they did.  I'm not going to fuss over it.  Maybe dinner now and then."

"We're having pizza tonight.  You can come snoop."

"I may so you can go shopping again," she said smugly.

"Sorry, this took all my money for the next few months," he quipped back.  "Though I did have to shoo someone away from my research cabinets twice."

"ATF?"

"FBI.  The one in LA called to tell them to leave me alone and why.  They decided to get drunk and go to church."  He shrugged.  "Not like I had anything unregistered or illegal in there.  They still nagged even after I pointed that out and let them see it."

"Fine."  She looked around, finding him something.  "Convention."

He looked and nodded.  "Of course I can."  He smiled.  "Any other orders?"

"Good clothes."

"It's a con.  They won't expect more than jeans and a good shirt."  He stood up.  "But I'll gladly go geek out when I'm not on duty as an author."  He smiled and left.

She sighed, shaking her head.  "Pain in my ass," she complained quietly.

***

Don Flack made it back to work and found someone waiting on him.  "Hey, Stella."

"Don."  She moved closer.  "What happened?"

He walked her over to the lab with the book, gathering the other two by page on the way.  They met in the office and he put the book down.

Danny Messer looked at it then at him.  "We read that stuff, Don?"

"Yeah, it's not bad actually.  Kid's got a good hand."  He looked at her.

She sighed.  "I heard rumors that the kid was casting from reality but he did try to fix things so it's not whoever."

"I got asked that earlier by a suspect.  This is so you guys don't get surprised that way too," Don said dryly.  "He did put a nice disclaimer but he did use our jobs somewhat.  Kinda."

Mac took it to flip through the first chapter, skimming.  He paused and looked at him.  "An agency?"  Don nodded with a smirk.  He kept going.  "I know some of these people."

"I'm told Horatio shows up as a black haired, leaning toward sexy Italian stud in high end suits in book three," Stella told him.

He smirked.  "He'd hate that."  He kept going, smirking at what was going on.  "Any other huge shocks?"

"A translation error," he said with a cough.  "Apparently he decided my fabulous straight ass is with Messer.  So someone leaked those nasty rumors around to normals."  Mac moaned, shaking his head.  "Thanks to the translation error, which Danny did, they think you two were together so you're the second husband.  He said that's in about ten books but mostly written."

Mac stared at him.  "He can't take that out?"

"He said it comes into play later when cases start getting worse than usual."

"Oh."  He grimaced.  "Well, I can say that I'm not portrayed incredibly reliably and it's clearly not totally me.   How did we meet him?"

"No clue," Don said, lying a bit.  "But ..."  He smirked at Stella.  "You get to mentor a lot of young girls."

"I'd do that."  She took the book to look over.  It was hers and it was a good read too.  "I don't mind so much but I thought we needed to know in case some crazed fan comes up to ask us."

Mac nodded.  "Yeah, I think that's something to keep in mind.  How many more books are there in the series since that's book one and you were talking about book ten?"

"No clue," Don said.  "It's an active series and his publisher loves it.  It sells great.  It gets crossover people from the spy and agency genres she said.  She bluntly told me he sells in that and a few other series so well she can start her own house with just him and one other."

"Interesting."  He shrugged.  "I'll keep it in mind but I know it's happened before."

"He offered to put me into a real fantasy series he's writing with a half-elf who has a perverted sense of humor," Don told them.  "I decided I'd make a sucky elf."

Danny snickered.  "I can't imagine you with the ears and the bow.  Or the _Lord of the Rings_ tights."  He walked off happier.

Mac shook his head.  "Thank you for lightening up today, Don."

"Welcome.  I promised I wouldn't sue the kid.  He's a good kid."

"Fine."  He left.

Stella looked at him.  "He's a hunter too," she said quietly.

"I figured that since the quick background I did before going over there showed a 'do not touch' by the feds and a few other nice things."  He left, going back to his desk with the book.  It wasn't too bad to read.  Not that he really liked fantasy that way.

Stella went back to work.  It would be fine.  She was sure Harris would slow down sometime soon.  After all, how many books could he put out a year?

The End.

Chapter 8: Questionable Friends

Xander has to help Alexis with friend issues.  He also manages to prove to Buffy that off-the-rack shopping is okay.  Much to her mother's joy.

Tara opened the door on the first visitor at their new place.  "Alexis," she said, letting her in.  "What's wrong?  You don't look happy.  Did I miss a shopping day?"

"No.  Dad's being an ass."  She came in and sat down.  "I don't know why he's suddenly turned into the paranoid bastard."

"Was it after he got taken by those fangirls?"

"No.  That creeped him out but not that much.  Though he is blaming Xander."  She looked at her.  "He's being a pain that I want to go with one of my friends to her vacation home in Florida over spring break."

"Ah.  Well, he knows you're not the sort to go wild," she said, sitting beside her.  "So what other concern could it be?"

"I don't know," she sighed.  "It started after the last party a few friends and I went to."

"Want me to have Xander ask him?  Or...or I could?"

She shrugged, looking pouty.  "He knows I'm not the sort to get into trouble."

"Of course he does.  You're a sensible young woman."  She patted her on the arm.  "We'll go indulge in some retail therapy while Xander asks him."

"You're sure?"

"Yup.  Xander?"  He came out with his jacket.  "You heard?"

"Yup and I think I know why."  He left, waving at them.  "Have fun."  He drove over, considering it.  He walked up to the door and knocked.  Alexis' grandmother answered the door.  "She and Tara are indulging in some retail therapy."

"She has been rather pouty," she admitted, letting him in.

"Yup, and that's why she came to get Tara to help her shop."  He walked into the office, staring at his buddy.  "Your daughter turned into a pouty teenage girl because you got paranoid about which friend?"

Rick groaned, looking at him.  "Tara?"

"Yup.  Retail therapy."  Rick checked his wallet.  Xander grinned.  "Probably not yours."

"No, she's got the one you give her."  He put his wallet back.  He looked up.  "How did you know?"

"Because I happened to be near the last hot teen party after hearing a few panty hunters were going that way.  One of them being Henrietta."

"Ooh," he said with a wince.  "You stop her?"

"Yes.  Again.  So, which friend?  The goth one?  The one that's pregnant and ignoring it?  Or the one that had a suspicious need to run to her trunk a few times that night?"

"You're a better investigator than some I know, kid," he said, looking at him.  "Why is it that I'm around you and I get hit with ideas?"

"They're tired of me not writing them?" he guessed with a small shrug.  "You know my idea generator is hyperactive so maybe I'm projecting.  Though, is that a good thing or not?"

"Depends on the person," he admitted, taking down the idea.  He looked up.  "I wouldn't mind her going but not with those friends.  That way you can get Tara to calm her down."

Xander nodded.  "I can do that but you've got a bigger problem with one of her friends.  That goth one?  Has a few new ...scars on her throat."  Rick moaned, staring at him.  He smirked.  "So, we might want to have that talk with her?" he asked quietly.  "Tara, me, you?  Bar hopping?"

"Tara," he decided.  "I'll bring the girls to DaVinci's?"

"Eww.  Nasty and gross club.  Take her to the Eagle Feather."

"That's a hip club.  I can be a chaperone."  He smiled.  "Are there many there?"

"I'll chaperone too.  That way she doesn't feel she's keeping Tara from being hit on."

"Tonight?"

"Sure."  Xander grinned.  "It could be a lot worse.  She could already be involved."

"I know.  I still think those three friends are very dangerous for her."

"The one with the suspicious trunk habit especially.  Want me to.... maybe bring someone near her trunk?"

"I can suggest it."

Xander smirked.  "I have a few who knows me."  He winked and walked out, heading down to find the girl.  He found her because teenage girls were creatures of habit and found her running back and forth to her trunk a few times so called.  "I have one of Alexis Castle's friends who has a suspicious habit of running to her trunk every five minutes," he said in greeting.  "Because she was upset and came to Tara so I went to talk to her dad for her, and mentioned seeing them at a party I was keeping a pain in the ass from."  He nodded, reading off the address he was in front of.  A beat officer came up to him and he read off the name, getting an order.  He rolled down the window, handing over the phone.  "A detective, Officer."

He snorted but took the phone and heard the orders and the name.  "Why?" he asked.  He grunted and handed it back.  "I can do that.  Which car, sir?"  He pointed at the girl that was running back out to it.  Then back inside.  "She's not real stealthy," he decided, going to 'check a few stores' over that way.  The restaurant let him buy a cup of takeout coffee cheaply with a grin for him.  He came out and the girl ducked around him.

He got a look in her trunk and the bag she was digging in, mentally smirking as he walked off.  Once he was a bit away he called Vice.  Like the nice detective had ordered.  The young guy drove off with a nod for him.  Vice detectives showed up and watched.  When she ran back that time they got coffee too.  One caught her digging in the bag of baggies and coughed, pulling his badge.  She shrieked and fought but they were detectives.  She was not a happy delivery person.

***

Xander walked into Tara's bedroom that night.  "The Eagle Feather."  She grimaced.  "Safer."

"True."  She went into the bathroom to change and put in a few hidden weapons.  Like a very pretty carved wood hair stick and a silver bodice dagger.  Xander came back with something, handing over the bag.  "Thank you."  She sat down to put on the shoes and it was nicer.  He went to club himself up and then came out looking steamy.  They met the father and daughter there later, and as it turned out Buffy for some reason.  Buffy shrugged but grinned.  Tara gave her a hug and introduced her.  Buffy wasn't a big reader but she had heard of him at least.  The girls went onto the floor.  Xander went to dance near them.  Rick got a drink and watched over them.

It was a mostly decent, clean club.  Not too bad of a dance floor.  Not too many slimy people.  Alexis only got hit on by a few of the older guys.  One of them a vampire.  Tara staked him and he dusted then she went back to dancing.  Alexis stared at her.  She shrugged back.  Alexis went to talk her father, who explained some things.  Tara came to talk to her too.  Xander flopped down and got his own drink.  He told her more than she wanted to know but what she needed to know to protect herself when she went out on her own.  Buffy came over to get Xander and dance with him.  There were a few higher demons around there that she could feel.  He would know if they were harmful or not.

Tara took Alexis out to help her get over this revelation.  She showed her how to tell when they were next to her and farther away.  It was good for her and would help her protect her friends.

***

Xander walked up behind Beckett a few days later, letting Buffy get the vamp while he walked her off forcefully.  She flinched when he touched her but looked around and saw the three guys staring at her turn to dust.  "Welcome," he said quietly.

"Why are they coming after me?" she asked quietly.

He stared at her.  "Because you'd be one scary bitch when they turn you," he said bluntly, making her shudder.  "This group isn't looking for food.  They're looking for a few new children to make."  He let her go, staring at her.  "One was near Alexis too.  She's not happy with the new knowledge we gave her.  Her father's still a bit paranoid about them."

"So, just strong, sensible women are in danger?" she asked dryly.

"Probably, so most of Manhattan is safe," he quipped back, earning a snort but a smile.  "Thankfully his mother's too old."  He looked at Buffy, whistling and nodded.  She turned then beamed and said something to the guy there.  Xander threw a stake at the one trying to subtly grab one of Beckett's helpers, making him yelp but the guy go to dust.  He stared at her.  "Sucks to be you but bring more patrol guys?" he suggested quietly. "That way you're watched for a bit until we can send them screaming for their ancestors?"  He walked over, helping the detective up.  "Morning."

"What the hell!" he demanded, pointing at the dust.

Xander stared at him then at the dust then back at him.  "Quite possibly, yes."

The detective stared, looking confused.  "Huh?"

"Hell.  Yes, them."  The poor detective shook his head quickly.  "We got news that there's a group that's looking to make some new, strong, smart, capable, strategy oriented, thinking capable kids that way."  He stared at him.  "Did you feel left out when she got threatened last time?"

"Hell no."

"You apparently won't this time either."

He swallowed.  "How long?"

"Few days," Buffy said with a smile.  "Hi, I'm Buffy.  His friend from home."

"Hi," he said, shaking her hand.

"Keep better precautions around you guys," Xander said quietly.  "We all know they could be a problem and they seem to like her because she won't freak out.  A few went after Alexis."  He shuddered.  "She knows now."  He walked off with Buffy.  "Let us know if any more try for you.  We'll be off.... doing our things."  He waved and followed her to the car.  "She's on the knowing side," he said quietly.  "She's the one who took the statement after Glory."

"She seems nice."

"My mentor is her civilian helper."

"Wonderful."

He jogged back and wrote down an address on the back of the guy's notebook, holding it up.  He nodded so Xander went back to the car.

The detectives looked at each other, then decided they could have some more helpers for a bit.  "Few days," she told him.

"I'll send up a prayer for their quick success.  Is that why Castle's been at home?"

"Probably.  I'm sure he's paranoid and she's probably freaking a bit."  They got back to work, one working and one glancing around.  This was getting freaky for New York.

Though they were glad someone was now local to handle it.

***

Xander got a phone call and listened.  "Sure, I can come down, Alexis.  Why?"  He grimaced.  "Yeah, I'll be there in about thirty."  He hung up and headed out once he had a few weapons and stakes on him.  Buffy was still sleeping and he could handle one teenager being problematic.  He found a parking spot near the club and got out, walking in the back way.  There was no way he wanted that sort of attention on himself.  A few of the bouncers saw him so he held up his ID.  "I got asked to retrieve a friend's daughter," he said.  "Otherwise, I don't care."  He walked past them, heading for the girls.  That goth friend.  He sighed mentally and sat down at the table, staring at them.  He tipped her head to the side then looked in her eyes.  This wasn't rebellion.  He knew that look.  "Is it that bad that you want to go out this way?" he asked quietly.

"Who're you?  The councilor?" she sneered.

"Yup."  He stared at her then moved the collar of his shirt to show off his scars.  She gasped and moved away so he put it back.  "I know more about this lifestyle than some of the new fledges do."  He looked at Alexis.  "Car's up the street."  He pointed.  "Don't take the alley."  She nodded and left with his keys.  "That way you can tell me whatever you want to without your friend having to hear," he said quietly.  "I'm not going to do more than listen.  Because this is a sucky choice.  Especially since there's every chance that you'll be going after your friends later."

"They said they wouldn't," she said firmly.

He leaned on the table.  "They lie," he said bluntly.  "A lot.  See, where I grew up?  There were more of them than there were living people."  She gaped.  "I've seen plenty of friends who came back to see us afterward."  He stared at her.  "Unfortunately I also had to take some out to protect others," he finished quietly.  She shuddered.  "Tell me why?  Just rant at me if you have to.  Maybe I can help.  If not, maybe someone can help.  Consider this a pre-suicide intervention."

"I don't know you."

He smiled.  "I'm Xander."

"Oh!  She's, um, talked about you a few times."

"She and my roommate shop all the time and she helps me with a few books so I pay her."  He grinned slightly.  "I spoil her horribly according to her grandmother, who steals her new shoes."

"She complained about that.  So, Tara is your sister?"

"Near sister.  Kinda almost a sister.  As close as I'll get."  She nodded at that, playing with her drink.  "Parents, school?  Boyfriend?  All of the above?"

"Parents mostly," she sighed.  She looked at him.  "Did yours treat you like some purebred poodle that was only there to do tricks and show off for their friends?"

"My parents were major drunks.  They couldn't remember I existed most of the time.  My best friend had lecturing shrinks as parents.  They left her for months at a time from the age of eight."  She shuddered.  "Are they trying to auction you off?"

"Not yet."  She slumped, looking around.  "It's like I'm there only to get them society points."

Xander nodded.  "Parents like that are selfish and they don't seem to give a damn about anything.  That's why a lot of kids like you end up on drugs."

"I tried but I hated how it made me feel."  She sipped her drink.  "Maybe if I had someone there who gave a damn about *me* instead of how pretty I could be and how much I could charm their friends."  She took another drink and looked at him.  "Maybe some day they will be auctioning off my life to gain some benefit.  I'm not sure."

"You're how old?"

"Sixteen."

He nodded.  "No other relatives?"

"They're all like that."

"Hmm.  Well, there's two good points here.  Yes, they suck badly.  Friends?"

"They're enough but sometimes...."

"Oh, I know."  He smirked a bit at the vampire near them.  "I will stake you."  She fled.  He looked at her again.  "I saw my friend's parents do the same to her sometimes.  Trotted her out during the book tour for the one on parenting gifted children.  Expected her to toe the party line and not dissent."

"Exactly!"

"So one-up them by going to a prestigious boarding school in Europe."  She gaped.  "Willow thought about that option too.  You'd only see them a few times a year.  Unless their tentacles reach that far, you're going to be building a whole new life.  Schools like that are almost automatically admitted to really good colleges, like the Sorbonne in France or the ones in England."  She smiled at that idea.  "It's going to be very prestigious for them among their friends and if you sell it right, you could give them a lot of happiness that you're being accepted somewhere so good.  You might even be able to avoid most holidays by going to a friend's house for them.  Or on a school sponsored trip somewhere not here."

"My grades haven't been great recently."

"I'm pretty sure half those places know about this sort of thing.  And I'm also fairly certain you could recruit some teacher or even principal help to get you into one.  Remember, they see kids like you a lot."

She nodded.  "I can do that."

"But not if you stay in here," he said quietly.

She nodded, finishing her drink.  "Can I come talk to you again?"

"Sure.  If you want to.  Or my roommate Tara.  She's a very nice young woman who is a librarian."  She smiled because that would be more subtle.  "C'mon."  She got up with him and walked out.  A few were waiting in the alleyway.

"She gave herself to us," one of the vampires said, looking her over.

Xander shook his head. "She's changed her mind.  Go away, people.  We don't want to have to beat your ass."

"You're not that good," one sneered.  "I saw you in Sunnydale."

Xander sighed.  "Yeah, but I've trained more since then."  They rushed and he put her behind him, against the wall.  He got two and one clawed him, but he backhanded them back.  Another tried to get his throat when he was hitting and he got that one with his other hand and the dagger in it.  The vampire screamed and backed off, holding the hole.  The last two stared at him.  A few more came out of the bar.  "She withdrew her consent."

The head of the bar stared at him.  "You're a hunter?"  Xander pulled out his wallet and held up his ID.  The vampire stared at him.  "But you're a goofy author.  You write half-elves who make horrible jokes."

Xander grinned.  "Yes, but before I wrote, I was just plain, old Xander Harris."

"The same one that backed up that slayer chick?" he demanded.

"Yeah, she's on Tara's bed at the moment.  There's been a few going after detectives."  He grinned.  "She withdraws her consent.  I came in peace until we were attacked."

He looked at him then at the others.  "Did he hurt anyone first?"  They all shook their heads.  "Pity you're not that sort of hunter."  He vamped out.  She shrieked.  Xander sprayed something and they all screamed.  "What the hell is that!" he shouted, scrubbing his face.

"Garlic spray.  Like pepper spray only it stinks and hurts more."  He smiled as he walked her off.  Alexis hopped out.  "She's a bit shaky.  We'll go to the library for a bit I think."  He got in and took the girls there.

"You have a rep," the girl said quietly.

Xander smirked back at her during a red light.  "Yeah.  I backed up the main hunter against them because there were so many that kept trying for my high school and town."  He kept going.  "It's not a pretty life," he said.  "Them or what I used to do.  It's dirty, nasty, gritty work that sucks your soul worse than drugs does.  That's why I'm retired and now I write fantasy novels."  She gaped.

"He writes really good ones too," Alexis agreed with a smile.

"Well, I try," he said modestly, grinning at them.

"Dad's all but addicted to Tral's series, Xander."

He beamed.  "Really?"

"Yeah.  I bought him the first one and he got sucked in.   He's read a few of them multiple times."  He beamed and wiggled a bit.  "He even tried to spread it to the other detectives."  He giggled at that, pulling into the library's lot.  They got out and she walked her friend inside.  "Tara, do you have anything that would list major boarding schools?" she asked.

"Hmm.  I think we might," she offered, leading the girls off to talk to them.  She knew that look.  Willow had worn it a few times.  The fact that she was goth, Xander was dressed in hunting clothes, and had went to clean up in the bathroom....  It was probably a good time for a girl talk too.

***

Xander walked Alexis back into her house.  "Meredith."

"Alexis," she sighed, hugging her.  "Are you all right?  We heard you were spotted near where some problems were."  She glared at Xander.

"Grandmother, I called him to come help us.  Gloria was suicidal and going to go tonight."  She gasped, looking at her granddaughter then at him.  He nodded.  "He talked to her and gave her a method of getting around her parents who think she's a trick poodle."

"I know parents like that," she said, hugging her again.  "Was she safe, Xander?"

"Alexis?  Yes.  The people in the club didn't come near her.  She had a soda while sitting with her friend.  When she realized it was a goodbye visit to the goth club, she called."  He leaned against the back of the couch.  "I talked to the girl about maybe going to a boarding school in Europe, which would be prestigious, right?"

She smirked.  "That is a good reason for those.  Better than most children in there would have."  She gave Alexis another squeeze.  "Are you all right?"

"Xander took us to talk to Tara after he got her out of there.  Tara helped me calm down."  She smiled.  "Not that I won't be having ice cream later."

Xander patted her on the head.  "It'll be okay.  She'll be fine now.  If not, point out where we live.  I told her she could come talk to us."  She smiled and hugged him.  "Good girl and well handled.  Thank you."  He smiled at her.  "Go get ice cream while I go home."  He looked at the grandmother, then pulled out a book and signed it, handing it over with an evil grin.

She read it and giggled.  "You definitely are original, Xander."

"I try really hard.  Two of me might warp the universe too much."  He left, going home.  Buffy was eating over the sink.  "I could've sworn we ate on the couch."

"I would but the kittens kept trying to bowl dive.  Are you all right?"  She ate another bite.

"Yeah, I'm fine.  A few scratches."  He let her see.  "She needed help."

"I heard.  Tara came home to cry that anyone was that depressed."  She finished up and rinsed out her bowl then put it into the dish washer.  "Any news on the group?"

"Not today.  We can hit the kitten poker circuit."

"You should probably lay low," she pointed out.  "They might get majorly pissed.  It was on the news that someone tried to attack them, and that someone was you."

"Huh.  Yet a lot of people have my number and I haven't heard anything yet.  Is it on ET or anything?"

"No.  Tara told me that the detectives told them they deserved it."  He nodded.  "So you're clear but it's in the news."

"Yay.  I was being a stand-in dad and getting some underage kids out of a club."  She smirked at that.  "If not, I'll hear soon.  Any other cheery news?"

"Her parents wrote?"

"I so filed a restraining order when they did it the first time."

She beamed.  "Good idea.  Yours?"

"Threatening me from prison."

"Oooh," she said with a wince.  "You okay?"

He shrugged.  "Same old same old, Buffster."  He got his own dinner and hopped up onto a counter to eat.  The kittens came running at the sound of the microwave, making him stare at them.  "You four don't eat people food," he pointed out, eating a bite.  She giggled.  "Did she tell you about the construction incident with our little tan sweetheart there?" he asked with a point.

"She did.  It was adorable!" she cooed.

"Sometimes."  He ate quickly and got dressed for patrol.  He got Tara and they went to play some kitten poker.  He was in clear sight and easily found.

***

Xander looked up from his reading in the park when someone came running at him with a knife held out and a scream.  "Huh," he said, shifting and tripping the guy, making him stab the back of the bench.  The knife stuck in the wood.  The guy tried to hit him.  "Officer!  Help!" he yelled.  "I don't want to hurt this guy attacking me with a knife!"  A few officers came running and Xander kicked him back at them.  They got him down and he pointed at the knife.  "No clue," he said when they looked at him.  "I was reading.  He did a poor impersonation of Xena."

One snickered.  "Battle yell?"

"Yeah.  Came at me, knife out and ready, with a yell of discontent.  I have no idea what his problem is."

"Do I know you?" one of them asked.

Xander shrugged.  "Maybe?"  He smiled.

"You're that author guy who beat up on that club," he said, realizing it.

Xander looked at him over the edge of his sunglasses.  "Two sixteen-year-old girls wanted help getting out of there.  They started it.  I just make them beg."  He shrugged.  "I'm not going to beat anyone unless they start it."

"He's not wanted?" the other officer asked.

"I can check."  He called it in.  Xander went back to reading.  The officer decided that took balls.  "It's your lucky day, sir."

Xander stared at him.  "I still didn't start the fight.  They pounced me trying to get one of the girls to harm her."

"That's a good reason," he decided.

Xander smiled.  "I'm not a mean guy.  I may have to protect myself sometimes from people like that, but I'm not mean.  I never start a fight unless I have to jump in to protect someone."  He pointed.  "Like him beating his girlfriend."  They looked and one went to stop it.  He looked at the other one.  "I really don't start anything."

"Some people are knights," he said dryly.

Xander grinned.  "Many people have called me a white knight."

The man in cuffs glared at him.  "Knights all need to die for what they've done to the duty!" he shouted.

Xander stared at him.  "Awww, you're *Council*!"  The man gave him a horrified look.  "Detective Grahams was dealing with some of their people recently."  The officer smiled at that information.  "Secret society sort.  They broke in poison my roommate's cat while she was delivering."

The officer sneered at him.  "That's pathetic."

"We thought so too," Xander assured him.   The other officer came back with the boyfriend in cuffs.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem.  If there's more, let us know."

Xander pointed at her.  "She's just watching."  They stared at  her and she walked off.  He waved at the Council's guy.  "Buffy said hi."  The man struggled but they still walked him off.  He called her.  "I just had a Council person do a bad Xena at me with a knife.  I told him you said hi."  He hung up and got back to his reading.  He heard a familiar giggle and looked but ignored it.  If Alexis was skipping, that was her dad's job.  He was not her relative.  Though, the bunnies were nibbling hard.  He left with a sigh, heading for his laptop.  Buffy gave him an odd look but he pulled out his laptop and she nodded, going to watch tv.

***

Paula walked into the apartment when Buffy let her in.  She had called ahead.  She saw him working and sighed, coming over to take his laptop.  He made frantic noises and saved it, staring at her.  "What were you doing in the park?"

"My reading in the sun time."

"Do it somewhere else?  Somewhere safer?"

"They were Council."

"I heard.  Rick heard."

"I didn't mention him."

"He knows.  Someone told him," she said impatiently.

"Um, do you know you have this vein that's throbbing in a bad way?" Buffy asked delicately.  "Not that he doesn't do it to me now and then too," she offered when Paula stared at her.

"She knows," Xander said.  "All I did was read in the park."

"Yesterday?" she demanded.

"I was helping a few younger women who were in the wrong club and had to have help getting out of there.  They jumped me to get one of them back."

"The truth?" she asked dryly.  "I heard from Rick about her friend."

"They jumped me to get her back."

"Oh."  She grimaced.  "It's not a publicity nightmare.  Stay out of the news?"

"I don't try to get into the news!"

"Fine."  She handed back the laptop and stomped off to handle the bad press.  He was helping get a friend's daughter out of a club when she realized she was in over her head.  That would be a good story that would get around quietly.  Nothing like going on tv, but it would get around.

Buffy looked at Xander then pointed.  "Publisher," he said.  She nodded she understood.  "She's very worried about my image.  She even makes me buy dress clothes."

She gaped.  "You shop?"

"She tries really hard to make me shop."

She rolled her eyes.  "We can shop.  Mom sent me with a small allowance."

"Filene's.  Detective Beckett introduced me to that store and there's a *ton* of second-hand and neat thrift stores in town.  Especially in the trendy section since it's 'green' to recycle that way."

"I guess," she sighed.

He checked the clock.  "Let me finish this chapter."  He got back to it and she got him out in about an hour.  He had to move all the kittens to the couch but they wouldn't mind.  He took her to Filene's first.  She nearly swooned at the discount couture stuff.  Then the other places were pretty neat too.  She'd like living in this section of town.  She even asked about how much rent was around there.  She nearly passed out at the prices but that happened sometimes.  She wasn't used to real world things like rent and utilities.  Her mother handled that.

***

They finally got the rest of the troupe of vampires and she got to go home.  "Mom, you would not *believe* how much rent is in New York!" she said when she was met at the airport.  She gave her a hug.  "Tara said that you can pay up to a quarter-million for a *parking space*!"

"And they're probably glad when they find one," she agreed, smiling at her daughter.  "Bags?"

"Of course.  Xander took me to some really nice places.  Some that were second-hand shops, and they had jeans, and then there was a couture shop that was a discount shop and it's *wonderful*!" she said happily, letting her mother help her get the bags.  She had come back with a lot more than she had left with.  "One of Xander's detective friends introduced him to that couture place.  His publisher tries to make him shop all the time."  They walked out to the car.  "Tara's doing better.  She's happier now that she's thinking on her own again.  Xander's back to writing, he didn't while they were moving stuff.  The kittens are adorable!" she cooed, smiling at her.  "Even if they do try to mooch.  They keep invading Xander's lap and the back of his chair while he writes.  They consider him a kitty bed since he doesn't move for hours."

"Miss Kitty used to do the same thing from what Tara said.  Did they keep all four?"

"Yes, the little begging mooches.  I could not eat without a little paw trying to get some.  Or a nose in my coffee.  I let that one have some and she ran off trying to get the whipped cream off her nose."

"Cats can be strange that way, dear.  Which couture shop did he tell you about?"

"Filene's?"

"I've heard of it.  I have no idea if we have one around here or not.  We'll have to check."  Her daughter beamed.  It was a discount place, she almost thanked the Gods for that relief in her wallet's pain.  "If I remember right, they're the place that has that wedding dress sale that people line up for hours to get into and then it's a rush in and fight to get something."

"Wow.  I saw that on E or something.  But anyway, it was pretty cool.  The detectives we helped were nice.  They didn't say a thing beyond swearing in the what the heck way.  Xander got to help protect a friend's teenage daughter, the one Tara shops with."

"That's good of him.  I heard rumors about that."

"Yeah, his publisher has that pulsing vein in her forehead like he used to give me sometimes.   I guess that's when she makes him shop."  She shifted.  "So, anyway, a lot of hotties with jobs, real jobs, and they all smiled at me.  No one seemed to mind the new dust piles or anything.  It was very nice of them."

"Good."

"Someone on the Council tried to pull a Xena on Xander in the park but he beat him and let the cops have him.  I guess that was so Tara couldn't get them."

"Perhaps," her mother agreed with a smile.  It was cute seeing Buffy babbling.  "How is Tara otherwise?"

"Pretty good.  She and her aunt aren't talking right now thanks to that spell stuff.  Oh, and her parents tried to write.  Xander filed a restraining order for her.  She found out when one of the witches told her to be mean.  His are threatening him from jail."

"Hmm."

"But beyond that they're in a *huge* apartment.  Tara has her own office/bedroom/ bathroom suite.  Xander has the same and then there's a living room, a pretty good sized kitchen, and a really nice sized tv.  They must've used the insurance check to buy that thing.  Oooh, and Tara took me to a jewelry craft fair.  They have people who hand-make jewelry.  Not the expensive stuff of course, but pretty stuff.  I got a few new necklaces and a pair of new earrings to go with the new clothes.  And I nearly got picked up but Xander *totally* acted like a big brother again and glared at him until he fled for his life.  I swatted him but he said I didn't need that sort to be around me.  So apparently I was sucking off his bad girl magnet to draw a bad boy.  Not sure how he knew but it was clear he might be.  No leather though so that was nice."  She smiled.  "How was LA?"

"It's been pretty slow.  Angel spent the weekend off talking to Anya when she wrote him."

"That's good. I should visit her soon, tell her the gossip from New York."

"I'm sure she'd like to hear how good he was doing."  She patted her on the arm, turning off the highway onto their exit so she could take her daughter home.  "Tired?"

"I think I've got Willow bouncy energy and I'm not sure why."

Her mother laughed.  "I noticed the babbling.  I was about to ask if you had kissed Xander."

"No, hugging only.  He is not my kissing type.  That'd be like molesting a brother or something, Mom.  Eww."  Her mother snickered, pulling onto their street.  "How is Willow?"

"Ignoring the morning sickness.  Still.  She still says she's not pregnant.  I told Daniel which test to get and how to sneak it in on her.  So we'll see soon.  She might complain he was doing gross things while she was trying to go to the bathroom."

"I got that email last night.  Xander let me check."

"Did she say what it said?"

"She huffed and said he was being an unreasonable man-sort again."

"I'll call later then, see if it came out the way we know it should have."  She pulled into her driveway and let Buffy get out to go inside.  She shook her head.  Buffy was much too bouncy but at least she got her own bags.  She followed to see what sort of neat things she had gotten.  There were a lot of new clothes but she still had money left from her allowance so maybe he had changed Buffy's method of shopping?  That way she wouldn't need to shop so often?  "We should clean out your closet and take some of the stuff you don't wear anymore to a consignment or thrift store," she said.

"You mean the places that I shopped buy clothes?"

"Some do.  Consignment shops sell them for you.  Like a yard sale only in a store."

"Huh."  She nodded, going to her closets to start weeding things out.  Her mother helped by adding some things she absolutely hated seeing her wear.  Buffy wouldn't complain, this time.  She had plenty to replace it and this way, they had room to fit.

***

Xander found a menace still around.  He had thought they had gotten all the troupe of vampires.  Apparently they had missed three or four.  He found one watching some familiar people on a scene and staked them subtly before moving on.  The uniform gave him an odd look but the pile of dust got a nod of thanks.  Xander got another and disappeared back into the crowd of the city.

Don Flack looked over, shaking his head.   "Yeah, I caught that," Stella told him.

"That was the goofball author," he said quietly.

"Ah."  She went back to work.

Danny looked over from his taking pictures.  "We did see him turn two people to dust, right?" he asked quietly.

"He was protecting us," Don said.  "There's been rumors that a few have went after good, mentally strong detectives.  Mostly females."  He pointed at Stella, who beamed at him for that compliment.  "That same goofball author."

"Wonderful."  He shook his head, getting back to work.  "Now we know who ta call."

"Hopefully he doesn't have that sort of equipment," Stella said dryly.  "I'd hate to see it used around here."

"Yeah, me too," Don said dryly, smirking at her.  "Did you miss coffee earlier, Stella?"

"Yup."  She finished up with her current spot and moved around to find more clues.

"If they do, do we call ATF or someone else?" Danny asked.

"Mac," Don and Stella said in unison.

"If he's got that stuff, you tell Mac," Stella assured him with an evil smirk.  "That way he can go talk to the boy, beat his ass, and hand it to the proper people.  Who are probably military weapons designers."

They all snickered at that mental image.  They couldn't see Mac not beating the boy if he had stuff like the Ghostbusters.

***

Xander walked into the poker hall, looking around.  "How many did we miss?" he asked the room in general.

"Three but they've made a few," one guy called.  "That's after the two you got for the pretty detective with the cute hair."

"I'll send him a note saying you think he's cute," Xander said dryly.  "Where?"

"East side docks."

"Thank you."  He left, going to handle that.  He got there, scouted it out, found a few living people paying them with pictures and cash.  "Huh," he murmured.  He called the Captain over the strange things once he got back to the car, watching the area.  "What would you like me to do with the vampires who've been trying to turn detectives who are being given information and pictures, plus cash?"  He read off the address and waited.  SWAT got there a few minutes later.  He tossed the nice captain a canister.  "Garlic gas," he mouthed.  "Found it recently."  He smiled.

"Thanks, Harris."  They went in and he got the vampires himself.  It was not something he wanted in his city.  The photos were still on the table.  The humans were arrested.  He got to tell some detectives that they were wanted out of the city later on.  That was so nice of Harris to pass the buck.  And give him a new toy.  When he checked, the kid's car was back at the poker hall according to the guys watching his back for the next few days.  They didn't want to go in there and have to see demons playing poker, which he understood.

***

Xander was walked into the meeting room of the squad room Beckett was at, staring at her.  "You made me stop writing the next hunter's novel."

"Sorry.  I'm sure you'll get back to it soon."  She handed over the bagged canister.  "Terrance wants that recipe."  He wrote it out and handed it over with a grin.  "Thank you."  She put it into the folder.  "These four dweebs, any idea?"

He looked at the photos.  "He's Council."  He pushed that one aside.  "He's a lawyer.  We saw him in LA working out of Wolfram and Hart.  He was trying to annoy Angel to life again."  He looked at the other two, taking them to fax and then text the Hyperion.  "Let's see if Angel knows if they're Wolfram and Hart or not."  He got back a text a few minutes later.  "One is, one's a Watcher Buffy remembers from a bag and tag team."  He let her see it.

She made those notes.  "Council is where?"

"England.  By Stonehenge.  They have a major research building just outside London.  They're the ones that have the contract out on me."

"It went up," she said, holding up that picture and notice.

He grinned.  "Awww, that's so sweet of them."  He called Tara's phone.  "The Council raised my bounty again.  It's now three-point-two mil for my balls.  Dead.  Only dead."  He listened.  "Cool."  He paused.  "Is that your stepmother?"  She said something quietly.  "You have the copy of the order with you?  I know I put one in your locker."  She left her desk and went to find it.  Plus tell her boss on the way.  Her boss had their guard detain her.  "It's sad a library needs a guard, Tara, but I'm glad I don't have to come beat their asses.  Please do."  He hung up and called someone at his building.  "Hey, Paul, it's Xander.  Upstairs neighbor?  Tara's parents are trying to show up.  There is a restraining order.  The HOA office has a copy of that and their pictures on file if they should show up and I know you tend to run the office.  One just showed up at her work, man.  Thanks.  No, I'm helping identify someone who wanted me dead.  Yeah, for writing fantasy novels.  They think I'm bringing demons to the attention of too many and making them less godly."  The old guy snorted but said they were insane.  "Exactly.  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  "Just in case."

Beckett called Tara.  "Would you like me to have someone arrest them?"  She listened.  "That's fine then, Tara.  Thank you."  She hung up.  "The guard called.  She's fine.  They let her work back in the sealed reference room."

"Ah, the restricted section," he said dryly, cracking her up.  "Any book that can make preteens and teenagers stand in a line for six hours without whining to get a book?  I want to at least give it a try.  It's not bad."

"I know others who've read it.  Not my genre."

"It's cool.  That's why there's so many genre's out there," he quipped with a smile.  Rick walked in and batted him on the arm.  "What?" he asked with a grin.

"That book."  He hit him again.  "Bastard."

"Yes, my parents prove it every day."  He grinned.  "The Council raised my bounty."

"Oooh, that's not a good thing."

Xander smirked.  "They're so frustrated.  And we think Willow's pregnant."  Rick burst out laughing, nodding.  "Yeah.  I don't think it's going to be a huge ass problem for them."  He looked at her again.  "So anyway, anything else I can help with?"

"Learn what the world subtle means?" she suggested.  "You got noticed."

"Yeah, it was one who realized he was in DCIS too," he quipped back with an evil smirk.  "He talked to Paula about it."  She moaned, shaking her head.  "Anything else, beautiful woman with brains?  Because I've got to meet with the shitbag biological donor's lawyer later about his latest attempt to extort money from me from jail."

"He did?" Rick asked.

Xander pulled out the bag of letters.   They went through them and she looked at him.  "Halloween?"

"He kicked me so hard my appendix ruptured two days later."

"Ow," Rick muttered.  "That's clearly a threat then."

"Yup.  Who knows what he thinks will happen thanks to this."  He took them back and put them back into his inside jacket pocket.  "Any other bad guys I might know?  One got arrested in the park the other day.  I told the nice officers that Detective Grahams had been dealing with a few of their secret society sort recently."

"I'll check with him," she said.  "No dates?"

"I've been busy," he complained.  "Plus Tara's still twitchy on that issue."

"Why?" she asked.

"Someone's nice curse to me to take out the ex's.....  Sound familiar?"

"Yes, quite.  I remember hearing about that and wondering if it was a new one who was taking out the old competition to prove she was better."

"Not quite.  But we had no way to see if it was that or not until one of Anya's coworkers took me to see a very nice evil chick I might like to date and sleep with.  When it hit, she got it removed, and fixed things.  Which started Tara on her girlish fit of 'that's not a good thing'.  I pointed out it could've hit accidentally at a club instead.  I had been heading to one when the idea hit me to go talk to her former coworker instead."

"That's...practical," Beckett decided.  "But probably not a good thing."

"You'd rather he picked up the woman whose only crime was drunk driving?" Rick asked.  "We're down to them anymore in the city."

"Which is why it's practical."

"She was an assassin and jewelry smuggler," he offered.

"Still practical but not nice."

"This is clearly one of those guy viewpoints versus womanly viewpoints," Rick decided.  Xander nodded.  "She forgive you?"

"No.  We've put it behind us but that was right before all that stuff with her aunt and the coven."

"Ow.  I remember hearing Alexis calming her down about that.  But she's better, right?"

"Mostly.  Her parents being here, not a good idea for her sanity at the moment.  She's probably ready to beat someone."  He nodded at that.  "Let me go pop in on my sperm donor's lawyer.  Have a better day, detectives.  We got the rest of that troupe last night when SWAT wanted them."  He left.

He looked at her.  "My mother wanted to beat Tara's parents herself," he said quietly.

"People like that I want to beat too."  She went over the information they had, farming out background checks on those names and the two organizations.  She wanted them out of her city too!  They did not need bad law firms.

***

Xander walked up to where Tara was having tea, sitting down next to her.  "You summoned, m'lady of the books?"

"I did."  She looked at him then at her parents.

Xander smirked.  "Hi.  You know, Buffy may not be here, but I do a mean impersonation."  They both looked horrified.  He looked at her again.  "Want driven home?"

"For right now, I want to hear what they have to say, then can we get Mexican?"

"Sure.  We can even call Daniel later since he forced a pee stick test on Willow and she's still denying the results."

She smiled.  "She'll be a very fussy mother."

"Yes she will."  He stared at the parents again.  "Get it out, people.   The city's full of bigots.  Maybe some of them can follow you back to the motherland."

"Are you her boyfriend?" the stepmother demanded calmly.

"Roommate.  She still likes girls."

She grimaced.  "It's not right."

"That's not your call to make," he said bluntly.  "It's not your life."

"You let him shield you?" her father sneered.  "Mooching your way into his place so you have a protector?  I taught you better'n that, girl."

"No you didn't," Xander told him.  "Beyond that, she pays her half of the bills.  She does half the cooking.  We've been friends for years now.  I've been like a *good* brother to her."

"Her brothers could whoop your ass, boy," her father sneered.

"I'd like to see them try," he said dryly.  "I'm not as weak as I look, old man.  Really."  She put a hand on his arm.  "Sorry, she doesn't want me to get into a verbal pissing contest with someone who might be shown to have liquidy brains."

"Xander," Tara complained.

He looked at her.  "Yay."  He smirked.  "So, have you talked to her aunt?"  The man sneered at that.

Tara leaned closer, making the fake flower in the center of their table bloom and become real.  She smiled at him.  "I don't need Xander to protect me, Father.  I never have.  He showed me that when I was ready to see it.  Then he got me into self defense classes."

Xander nodded.  "Yup."  He sipped her water, letting her take it from him.  He stared the old man down again.  "Any other issues you're having with your failures as a decent parent?  And do you treat this wife like you did her mom?"  The stepmother gasped at him.  He stared at her.  "One always recognizes another, woman."  He looked at the man again.  "Men like you are pathetic examples and the rest of mankind can only hope that more women don't judge us by your standards."

"You're coming home tonight, girl," her father ordered.

"No I'm not and I do have a name, Father.  I am not a little girl."  He balled up his hand.

"You hit her and it may be the last thing you ever do," Xander warned.

"You can't beat me in a fight," he sneered.

"I don't have to, though I can.  She's got a stun gun on her."  Her stepmother gave her a horrified look and scooted her chair back.  Xander stared him down.  "Tara, did you need to talk more?"

"I want my mother's journal, Father."

"I burned that foul thing," he sneered.

She sighed and shook her head.  "The bank didn't say that.  I asked.  It's in your safety deposit box."  He glared.  "It is the last thing of my mother.  Also, I looked up her will.  She left it to me along with her necklace.  I would like them back or else I'm filing a complaint in the county courthouse there tomorrow.  Raymond Pickens has it for me."

"He won't turn on me that way," he assured her smugly.

She called him, putting it on speaker.  "Mr. Pickens please?"  Xander punched him when he tried to hit her.  "Mr. Pickens, this is Tara."

"Yes, dear."  He sounded like he was smiling.  "I've already filed that order for you and the judge has ordered it be turned over by tonight."

"They're here in New York," Xander told the phone.  "He just tried to hit Tara."

"Oh, dear."  He said something to someone.  "You enact that restraining order, young lady.  Right now."

Xander called.  "Hi, my roommate and I are eating at Venice's and her parents showed up.  There's a restraining order against them.  We were having a discussion but he just tried to hit her."  He listened.  "Please.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "They'll be here in a few."

"They had to removed from the library earlier, Mr. Pickens."

"I'll ask the judge for permission to break into that safety deposit box.  He can give the police a warrant to get that since they're not here."

"Thank you," she said, hanging up.  "Not everyone is like you, Father.  It took me a while to see that but they're not."  A cruiser pulled up outside and she found the copy of the order in her purse.  She waved him over and handed it to him.  "I was willing to listen for a few minutes but he just tried to hit me."

"That young thing hit me," the father snarled.  "I want him arrested on assault charges."

"So be it," Xander agreed.  "I'm not going to let him hit her.  I hit him because he was trying to.  I'll take it if you want."

The officers looked at him then at the father.  He read over the restraining order.  "Did you knowingly let them sit with you, ma'am?"

"I was willing to listen to what they wanted since I'm trying to get my mother's things but they have threatened me for years and terrorized me my whole life."

"The support for the retraining order had seventeen CPS calls," Xander told the officer simply.  "Plus their first threatening letter when they found her again."

"You got them?" she asked.

"No, the same lawyer that got mine against my parents got yours."

"Oh.  I didn't realize that."  He grinned.  "Did you look?"

"No.  I didn't need to know."

She beamed.  "Thank you."  She looked at him.  "He's like my big brother."

"Who makes her make her own decisions," Xander added with a grin.  "Our ex's once cheated with each other."

The officer shook his head.  "People, you should leave if asked to," the officer told the older couple.  "Mr. Harris, we know you're overly violent when protecting someone."

"Only then," he complained, starting to pout.

"We know, sir."  He handed back the restraining order.  "Please leave."  They stomped out.  He looked at Tara.

"We had them removed from my workplace earlier.  They sat down, I didn't call a meeting," she assured him.

"I already warned him off.  He thought I was kidding," Xander said dryly.

The officer smiled.  "You need to work on more books, Mr. Harris."

"I was earlier until I found out the bounty on my head went up."

The officer stared at him.  "You have literal death threats?"

"People who don't like me bringing demons to the notice of the general population.  A secret society out of England."

"Oh."  He shook his head.

"They tried to kill him when he was over there signing books," Tara told him.  "He ended up with military bodyguards thanks to them."

"But Rodney and John were really nice and John would let me babble at him about all the stuff we saw on that tour."

"They were," she agreed with a smile for him.

The officer nodded.  "It must be strange to be an author."  He looked at her.  "Next time, call when they show up.  We can arrest them for that."

"They only shooed them off earlier."

"Next time, we'll arrest them," he assured her, going out to make a report then head to his next call.  She wouldn't need much protecting.  Harris was getting a rep as a badass who was a white knight.

Xander put down money.  "C'mon."  She nodded, leaving with him.  He tipped the hostess as well.  "Thank you.  We're sorry they caused such a scene."  He took her to the car.  He could appease that mexican food craving while he wrote most of the night.  The kittens would help him.  That way the Maclay's wouldn't be doing any new surprises that night.

***

Xander walked into Beckett's office the next day, putting down his phone after finding a text message.  "They kidnaped her."

She read it and started that paperwork.  "Where do they live?"  He handed over their last letter.  "That's clearly in another state," she said.  She called someone.  "I have a parental kidnaping of an overage young lady.  She had a restraining order against he parents.  They took her this morning."

"On her way to work," Xander said.  "Her boss called in a panic.  She's got the tape waiting on whoever.  She said she tried to get a uniform to listen but he said he couldn't do anything about it."

"Bet me," she said.  She repeated that and nodded while he made notes.  She read off the address and said there had been letters.

"A lawyer by the name of Raymond Pickens just helped Tara file to get some of her mother's things from her father," he told her.  "She told them last night.  They started to threaten her so we had to have an officer come enforce the restraining order."

She repeated that.  They found it and said they'd call the local office out there.  "Her father's a former officer?"

"One of her brothers is a state cop," he told her.  "Didn't seem to bother him when he was helping her father treat her like a slave."

"Her brother's a state cop," she told the person on the phone.  He made another note of that.  "I think someone should before her roommate goes out like Rambo."

"Please!   I have more class and better weapons," he said bluntly, staring at her.  "And I can find even better than that out there if I have to do it myself.   Not like I'm shy about it."

"True."  She heard the agent look him up.  He choked and spluttered.   "He found that FBI report on Sunnydale."

"Cool."  He grinned sweetly at the minions when they came in.  "Late, guys?"

"Problems?" one guessed.

"Tara's parents kidnaped her in the parking lot of the library."

"I've got an agent," she told them.  They relaxed.  "Xander is going to go home and calm himself down.  Now."  He nodded, leaving it in her hands.  "You've maybe got a day before he goes after her," she told the agent.  "Thank you.  Let me know.  He's getting a bad rep as a white knight around here."  She hung up and gathered things together.  "Anything better today?"

"You might want to tell Castle.  The girls were going shopping today," one noted.

"They were," she agreed, calling him.  "No, not a body.  Tara was taken by her parents on the way to work.  The girls were going shopping.  Thanks."  She hung up.  "He'll tell her after he quits swearing."  She considered it.  "If he's never been to the state where she lived, how would he get weapons there?"

"Kitten poker underground?" her boss suggested.  "I'd like to have that closed."

"Maybe the ATF could," she said, going to talk to one of them in person.  That way Xander wouldn't get in trouble.

***

Xander walked up to his building to find someone pressing on his door's buzzer.  "I was out getting stuff started to get Tara back from her parents," he said.

John turned around, smiling at him.  "That bad?"

"Yup.  But I'm calm.  Officials are handling it so I don't have to.  Or so I don't tell others to cancel a poker debt by helping her."  John smirked at that.  "Seriously."

"We're in town for about two days."

"I have a couch and a rollaway if you want them," he offered.  "Tara probably won't be back for two days."

"Sure."  Xander let them in and they went up there.  Xander found a box in front of his door and looked it over.  He looked too.  "What is that?"

"I think it's a package bomb.  It's from my mother."  He handed over the keys.  "Here, go in, keep the kittens company for a minute, guys."  They went in and he looked it over.  Xander had proven he could disarm small bombs.  He checked, no obvious wires to the ghosting touch.  His mother wouldn't be sending him anything good though.  He called someone out there.  "It's me.  Who did my mother hire to send me something?"  He listened.  "Really."  He beamed.  "That's so cool of her.  Thank you!"  He hung up and called 911.  "Hi, this is Alexian Harris and I think I just got sent a letter bomb by my mother.  At my apartment.  Yes, that's the address," he said dryly.

"What did we do this time?"  He listened.  "Ah, the restraining order.  Yeah, they kidnaped her earlier.  I've already talked to a detective about that.  No, this is from *my* mother who *I* have a retraining order against.  Well, I could disarm it probably," he said dryly.  "But I won't.  Thank you.  Yeah, I'll let them in."  He hung up and went down to let in one of the bomb squad guys when their truck pulled up.  He walked him back up to the package.  "I called a contact out in LA, because I have some nasty poker playing friends out there, and they said a guy named TCJ Thomas made it for her.  He's more known for small biological ones.  Things like a letter bomb that blows cocaine and that stuff."

"Interesting, Mr. Harris.  Did you touch it?"

"Gently ran my fingertips around it looking for wires.  None on the packaging or string but the left side flap clearly got taped down last.  It was done with post office tape."

He looked and nodded.  "Logical."  He looked at him.  "How do you know about bombs?"

He grinned.  "The internet."

"Oh."  He got it into a safe box and they took it to the truck to disarm.  Yeah, it had drugs in there with a small explosive.  More than enough to kill whoever inhaled.

Xander walked in.  "My mother's in such trouble," he said with a smile.  He hugged John.  "So, no more delivering babies?"

"Hell no."   He smiled.  "Not staying out of trouble?"

"Of course I am.  Most of the time.  It's just been a month of 'please help me' so I had to."

"That figures.  Tara?"

"Agents."

"Even better."

"I said I could go Rambo when it was noted but she told the agents that so I have to wait."

"Even better, kid.  Cute cats."

"Miss Kitty's only litter."  He petted the one trying to climb him.  "What?"  She meowed frantically at him.  "What?  Show me.  Are you guys out of food?  Did Rodney scare you?"  John snickered at that, shaking his head.  He went to feed them and they were all happy cats.  He came back out.  "So, how has your end of the reality stream been?"

"Different," John admitted.  "Only a month of issues?"

"Yeah.  A friend's daughter needed me.  Her friend needed me more.  A few vamps hunting detectives....  You know."

"Yeah, I remember.  Council?"

"Upped the bounty again to three-point-two."

"Aww, that's so sweet," John said sarcastically, smirking at him.

"The nice detective has that information since someone was trying to pay the vampires to take me and her out."  He beamed innocently at him.

John snickered.  "That's so evil.  Sparring?"

"Please."  He looked around.  "Let's move this out of the way unless you want to go to the gym?  We have one."

"Sure.  Let's do that so Ronon doesn't have to get a kitten who loves him."

Xander grinned at him.  "The kittens are adorable.  That's because they're young .  That way you won't yell when they invade your t-shirt while you sleep."

"One try to nurse on you?" Rodney taunted with an evil smirk.

"No, she just wanted to snore into my bellybutton.  She does it to Tara too."  He shrugged.  "They're cats, what do I know."  He led them down to the gym.  It was empty so they got some good sparring time in, then Xander made lunch.  With ice packs.

***

John looked around that night.  "You're not the least bit worried?" John asked quietly, sitting across from where the kid was writing.

"Some of the poker circle is keeping an ear out that way to make sure she's not hurt.  If they think she's in critical danger, they'll step in.  Also, they're obviously, in a very obvious way, keeping this from Willow so she doesn't go postal.  She's pregnant."  John smirked at that.  "I will not be delivering hers, no."  John snickered so he grinned.  "She might be a bit bruised but she'll be fine.  Or else Willow and I will have to fight over who gets to kick her family's ass.  I might let her just so I can taunt them that they got beaten by a girl."  He smirked meanly.  "The circuit is getting word back to me now and then.  They've seen him slap her once and she reacted nicely.  He went into a wall.  Her mother brained her with a skillet from what they saw.  So we'll see.  Hopefully they'll have her by tomorrow.  If not, I'm going out there and Willow can bitch."

"I'm sure they'll do it for you.  Remember, you do have to lay lower."

"After this last month, I've had officers I've never met know I'm very overprotective and can be violent if I have to protect someone.  I don't even know which one it was."

John shook his head.  "You still need to lay lower."

"I try."

"I know."  He smirked.  "You'll get it fixed, kid."

"We hope."

"I know you will.  Even the Council will be stopped sometime."  Xander nodded that was true.  "It'll be easier if you were less conspicuous."

"I got twitted because I was picking up Tara at another dual writers' signing event because the fantasy writer never showed up.  Half of them were my fans and I had just gotten done with one of my own."

"You stepped in?"

"Yeah.   It made them a lot happier.  I had one at that store later that week and I gave up that spot to him.  He never showed up then either.  No one's sure where he is."  He shifted, putting his laptop down on the table so the kitten wouldn't complain about it being on her again.  "That club thing, a friend's daughter called because she knew she probably needed some help getting out of there and one of her friends needed help."

"Demon bar?"

"Goth bar with real vamps feeding.  I got them out but the friend got attacked so I defended her.  Then I garlic gassed them.  The vampires actually filed charges but the officers heard what had happened and let it go.  Told them they deserved it."  John nodded that was a good thing.  "Then Tara's parents showed up so I got a bit overprotective of her.  Oh, we had the most major fight."

"Why?"

"I did something practical to figure out why all my ex's were dying.  It turned out to be a curse.  We couldn't be sure so one of Anya's coworkers pointed me at a majorly evil girl I could flirt with.  When it went off on her we could end it.  Tara hated that."

"Girls would."

"I kept pointing out it was that or going to a club and hoping like hell it didn't hit.  She hated that argument more."  He looked at the door.  "Who is it?" he called.  They hurried off.  He went to look, finding him outside.  "Yes, whoever you are."  They turned.  He looked.  "What's up?" he asked.

"Who were you talking to?"

"One of the guys that bodyguarded me on that signing trip.  He's Air Force."  He moved closer.  "I didn't say more than that."

"I heard."  She sighed, looking at him.  "They don't like that idea.  Said it's too expensive."

"Financial aid?"

"They won't allow it.  It'd look bad on them."

"Then put it bluntly.  If you have to, honey, talk to the most scuzzy, mean, druggie looking guy in the school who might be a boyfriend."  She meanly smirked back.  "And get your other relatives onto it."

"True, I probably could.  Thanks, Xander."

"Not a problem.  You know that.  You could've knocked."

"You were hanging with someone."

He nodded.  "Most of the people I hang with would've understood."  She smiled and left.  He glared at the person with the camera, waving them over.  "You can come talk too."  The guy tried to leave so he stopped the car with a knife dagger to the tire.  It popped so he walked over there.  "Don't make me break the glass.  I only want to talk nicely because you were taking pictures of a young girl.  You either roll down this window or I'm reporting you to the PD."

"I'm a PI," he said through the glass.

Xander stared at him.  "Yay.  That doesn't mean you're not a perv."

He huffed and rolled down the window slightly.  "Her family's worried that she's fallen in with the wrong crowd.  Who're you?"

"Alex Harris."  He texted her, getting back permission.  She hadn't known that.  "I know one of her friends.  Her friend called because she was going suicidal thanks to those same people who hired you.  I talked her down."  The man swallowed.  Xander stared at him.  "You can tell them she was talking to me about how to get into boarding school.  Because if they're worried about her friends here, that's a great way to get her away from them and earn more status points that they're *oh* so worried about."

"Crap."

"Yeah.  Since I had to protect her when someone nearly killed her at a club, very."

"That thing at the club was why they called."

"I got called to help the girls get out of there safely."

"I'll let them know that.   You wanna help me change the tire?"

Xander snorted.  "No."  He smirked.  "I had death threats earlier."

"Never mind.  Thank you, sir, for clearing that up.  I won't tell her parents about that if she's better?"

"Yeah, they're why.  Hence the prep school idea."

"I'll suggest that."  He got out to change his tire while Xander went back inside.  He went to the family that night, finding the parents waiting with the aunt who had paid him.  "I found out what happened at that club," he said.  "She was meeting with someone tonight to talk to them.  They're an older friend.  The same one that she called to help her get out of that club alive."  Her aunt gasped.  He looked at the family.  "Apparently the girl was so deep in the depression from some pressures around here, her friend got worried so she called the friend of a friend and had him come talk to her about it and he's the one who suggested the boarding school idea to get around all the stress around here.

"From what I've found out since I talked to him, and he popped my tire for taking pictures of the young woman in question in case I was a pervert, he lives with a very nice lesbian librarian.  The people who tried to attack the girl tried to have him arrested for protecting her but the cops wouldn't."  The aunt swallowed and nodded.  "He did text her that he had stopped me and questioned me.  He let on that the boarding school would be a good way to get out of the local stresses."

"Some of those girls she hangs with are getting into trouble," her mother said firmly.  "Alexis especially."

"Ma'am, if you mean Alexis Castle?  She's known to be a non-partying, non-drinking, non-drug using girl with common sense and good grades.  Her father used to be wild.  She is on the goody-goody end of the spectrum.  Even when she's at a book signing it's said that she most often has a soda and some homework quietly in a corner.   Alexian Harris, who is who rescued both those girls from the club, said it was your daughter who picked that one."

"Why didn't she tell us," the father demanded.

"Because part of the pressure may be you two," the aunt said quietly.  The PI nodded that was true.  "You talked to her?"

"I talked to him.  He did mention that she was feeling pressured by things.  It could be the school's running her ragged, plus her parents and their hectic lives are draining her.  He got her settled back down off the edge and let her talk to him, his roommate according to Castle's father, and even him a few times.  Now, some of her friends are bad.  One got busted recently for being a drug delivery girl.  They found her with enough blow in her trunk to qualify for federal level charges.  Multiple times."  The parents shuddered and held hands.  He knew why the kid was pressured.  He couldn't tell these sort that though.  "That plus your social lives and all the parties you have to go to for your jobs and things?  It's probably getting to her.  A boarding school may be a better option.  With what he said, and why he said it, that's a reasonable suggestion.  Plus it'd get her away from things here."

"It's expensive," the aunt said.  "But the one she chose is very prestigious and it's in Europe.  She could be making all sorts of contacts."  She considered it.  "Emily!" she called.  She came down the stairs.  "Thank you," she said, paying the PI.

The poor kid looked at him.  "Xander's very overprotective when you want him to be.  He's probably sorry for popping your tire."

"Kid, he said he got death threats earlier in the day.  He was on edge, I get that."  She nodded and he left.

Her aunt cleared her throat.  "Why did you not come talk to me?"

"Because you're part of the pressure," she said bluntly.  Alexis had told her to be blunt, be firm, and to make them cry if necessary.  It was time for that.  "You and your social parties, and here, meet this nice boy who is from a good family.  Their parties that have absolutely nothing for me to do so I'm bored, or tempted to do things by older guys who think I'm cute at sixteen."  Her mother gasped.  "If it wasn't for Alexis, I wouldn't have been here for months," she said bluntly.  "She's kept me from going over the edge.  And when I got too close, she called in reinforcements.  Her friend Tara is a great young woman.  She's got sense, she lets me talk.  Her own parents were crap so she understands.  Right now, I would about give anything to be out of this family most of the time, Aunt Selene."

"I had that at your age as well, but the only escape I had was marriage," she admitted.  "I can find a way to pay for the school you chose.  Though I will have you seeing a counselor there, Emily."

She nodded.  "If I must."

"You must," she agreed.  She nodded that was acceptable.  Schools like that often had them so she wouldn't worry.  "Can you transfer?"

"Yes.  I talked to the principal when he suggested she might know of a few good ones.  Especially since my grades have been bad for the last little while over all this.  She made me talk to my present school's shrink every Thursday for her help."

Aunt Selene smiled at that.  "Then she has sense.  I'll thank her later."  She looked over her niece.  "Why Europe?"

"It's far away.  It's got great educational opportunities.  It's too far for a casual visit over a weekend for the most part.  That school does a lot of trips to museums.  They have almost guaranteed acceptance at most any college if you graduate.   They emphasize education over marriage."

She nodded.  "That I can definitely see, young lady."  She stared at her.  "It is a good educational choice outside the wanting to get away.  I had thought about sending you to the one in Oregon?"

"No thank you.  It's very good educationally but it's paranoid.  Beyond that, it's for the majorly rich kids.  I'm not.  I'd be a charity case there.  This school has a lot of kids who go on higher scholarships.  It's for smart people who want to do things with their lives.  Plus my parents can use the contacts I'll be making."

"We are not like that!" her mother shouted, standing up.

She looked at her.  "How long was it going to be before you tried to auction me off for a loan for the business?"  Her mother slapped her and stomped off sniffling.  She looked at her father.  "Eighteen or twenty-one?"

"I have hopes it would never come to that," he said stiffly.  "I thought you enjoyed those."

"Me sitting in a corner being bored looked like I was enjoying it?"

"You always dance with those young ones."

"They drag me out there.  That's usually after the first few drinks, Father."  He nodded once and left her with her aunt.  She looked at her.  "I thought you would've been on their side," she said quietly.

She sighed, sitting down again.  "As you know, sometimes it's easier to go along to get alone, child."

"Which is what ate at me," she agreed.

"I'll make sure you can go.  For now, you can stay here."  She nodded.  "Wash that ridiculous black hair dye out.  Or get it fixed tomorrow."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You went to a goth club?  You hear all sorts of rumors about them doing bloodletting and things."

"Which is why Alexis called when I had plans of letting them do that for a long time."

She nodded.  "It was a wise move on her part.  I've heard of your savior."

"Xander's a really nice guy.  Tara told me he's been surrounded by girls for years.  He's not gay but Alexis said that only bad girls do it for him.  She was giggling about one of his last ones being sentenced to about twenty-five years a few days back.  He was helping her out and let me rant."

"Then I appreciate that man."

She smirked a wicked smirk.  "He suggested I come home with the most scuzzy boy from school to horrify them since they were so worried about my friends."

Her aunt cackled, nodding.  "That may well have made you an orphan, Emily.  Call your housekeeper to bring you some clothes.  Normal ones please."  She nodded, making that call then going up to the guest room.  She went to talk to her stubborn, stupid nephew and his sow of a wife.  The girl did have a point.  She would've been auctioned off to the best for the family company.  At least this one would escape and hopefully find happiness like she had with her second husband.  May he rest in peace where she poisoned and left him.

***

Three FBI agents walked into the state police station out west, looking around.  They found a desk sergeant.  "We need the overseeing officer," the one in the lead ordered quietly.  "It's a bad thing."  The desk guy called the captain, who came out to get them.  They were led into the office and the door was shut by the last one.  "We're here to talk to one of your officers about his sister's kidnaping."

"Was she overseas?" the captain asked.

"No, Miss Maclay was in New York City when she was illegally taken by her parents," the agent next to the door said, handing over the file.  "There's also the information on why she had to file a restraining order against her family, Captain."

He read it over, grimacing some.  "In some ways it surprises me, but not about him," he said, handing it back.  "Rory!" he bellowed.  "Report!"  He came in a minute later and the agent closed the door again.  "Rory, where is your sister?"

"Hiding from the family like a little coward," he snorted.

"You were seen at the non-producing farm where she is being held against her will last night," the lead agent told him.  He gaped.  Then he took a swing at him.  "That was entirely stupid, kid."  He cuffed him and sat him in a chair.  "Yes, we're already going after her."

"My father will kill her for leaving the family," he sneered.  "Little demon bitch."

"No, she's not," the other agent said, taking off his sunglasses.  "I know plenty of demons, kid.  She's not one of them."  The officer gave him a horrified look.  "She's a librarian.  A lesbian.  A blonde girl who is still shy after all the shit your family put her and her mother through.  That makes *you* the demon with her father."  He looked at the Captain.  "We've already got people heading that way."

"None of us will warn him.  The local boys might.  He used to be one of them."

"We've already locked down the local station," the agent assured him.  "We've arrested three officers who don't seem to think that the rules for social services and child welfare are applicable to present or former officers."

"Did her big, gay protector send you?" Rory sneered.  "Thought he could whoop our asses himself."

The lead agent looked at him.  "We're saving your life, boy.  That protector of hers once lifted a piece of artillery from a National Guard base to take out a threat to the country and no one said a damn thing to him about it.  He got a whole town shut down by turning in some artillery he found with a few cults."  The man moaned, shifting some.  "We're doing it to save your life and your father's life.  Because we'd rather see you in jail instead of dead and collecting a department pension.  Can't say as any department I've ever been in would want to claim either of you."  He hauled him up and handed him off.  "To the car."  He took him out there.  "We would suggest if he's married, to check on his wife and kids because they do say abuse like that is generational and clearly he never learned better."

"That girl's protector?"

"Her roommate, sir.  To be frank, she was part of the same group that's listed as taking out a military unit that needed it, that incident with the rocket launcher, and a few other things.  She's retired to be a librarian."

"Good of her," he said weakly.  "This guy?"

"He's now a sci-fi author."

"Wonderful.  Thank them for me?"

"Gladly, sir.  We like to ignore that team whenever they have to act.  For that matter, so does the NYPD since they had to act with a few friends that they used to work with when they had to take out a terrorist in New York by blowing her up.  No one said a thing.  That told us all we needed to know about their retired status."  The captain nodded quickly.  He and his minion left, going out to the farm.  The team had busted in and Tara was being walked out.  "Miss Maclay, are you all right?  Do you need more than basic medical?" he asked, walking her away from the house.

She looked at him.  "Xander sent you?"

"Detective Beckett alerted us, ma'am, and said we had about a day and a half before he got here with however he gets higher weapons to get you back himself."  He walked her to the ambulance that was pulling in.  "She was being held hostage.  Check for head injuries since we had heard that someone brained her with a skillet at the very least."

The agent who knew demons came over to stare at her without his sunglasses on.  "He did have some people watching over you until we could get here.  Never fear that he abandoned you, Miss Maclay.  We're doing this so we don't have to see him in action."

She smiled weakly.  "He is good but Buffy's better."

"Yes, but she won't do more than beat them, ma'am.  He'd make a mess."

"True," she agreed with a faint smile.  "Thank you."

"It's not a problem.  They did wrong.  Maybe they can join his parents in jail since his mother sent him a bomb by the file we got earlier."  He helped her into the ambulance and let them take her to the hospital.  He looked at his boss.  "Do we think more bad things will happen?"

"No.  I think it's almost all settled down.  Even that curse or whatever was going on has stopped as far as we can tell.  No telling how that'll end up around him."  He walked off once everyone was taken and the junior officers had confiscated all the weapons in the house.

Tara walked into the lawyer's office a few hours later, smiling at him.  "Mr. Pickens?"

"Tara Maclay.  You really do look a lot like your mother, dear.  You didn't have to come out.  You know that."

"I didn't have much of a choice," she told him.  "The FBI arrested them this morning for kidnaping me from New York."

"That's very bad for them."  He took her to the judge, who had the contents of the safety deposit box.  "Your Honor."

He looked up.  "Miss Maclay.  You look a lot like your mother, young lady."  He shook her hand and she sat down.  "I didn't know we had an appointment, Mr. Pickens."

"The FBI has her parents in custody for kidnaping from New York."

"Oh, I see."  He called someone and they told him what had happened.  He nodded.  "Thank you."  He hung up and looked at her.  "There's only a few things from your mother there."

"That's all I want.  My brother's family, if he has one, can handle anything else.  I don't want to."

He nodded.  "That's reasonable and well within the law, young lady."  He got his bailiff to bring in the box.  He had already sorted things out.  "Here, this is your mother's necklace and rings.  Her diary, a few pictures."  He handed it to her with a smile.  "I had already decided in your favor since her will was specific that you were her only heir and her husband was not to get anything.  We had wondered why?"

She slumped some.  "Because he treated us the same way, like slaves there to stroke the family's ways."

He flinched.  "I didn't know, child.  The social service reports said that you had been taken out of school a few too many times and had some bruises."

She shrugged.  "Thankfully he decided I was going to turn into a demon so he never touched me more than with his fist," she said quietly.

"Then the man should rot in hell," Mr. Pickens agreed.  He gave her a squeeze.  "You became a hell of a woman, young lady."  She smiled and nodded.  "Now, how are you getting home?"

"I'm going to fly out in a few hours.  That way Xander won't worry and invade the town."  She smiled.  "It'll be okay.  I won't let him invade."

"Boyfriend?" the judge asked.

"Roommate.  I like girls."

"With your father, I'd like girls more too," he decided.  "I'll hand the rest of the box back to your brother's wife, Miss Maclay.  I hope it gets easier for you."  She smiled and nodded, shaking his hand before leaving.  "She seems really delicate but she clearly has her mother's will."

"And ways.  She keeps to them," Mr. Pickens agreed.  "Have you seen her sister-in-law yet?  Usually she'd be throwing a fit by now."

"Not yet," he sighed.  "Let me call her to tell her she can pick up the rest of this."  The lawyer left him to do the dirty work.

***

Tara walked into the apartment, stopping when she saw the strangers.  "You're too scruffy to be a burgler," she told Ronon since she could see him in the kitchen.

John came out.  "Tara.  John Sheppard."

"Xander has pictures of you," she said, shaking his hand.  "Has he been naughty?"

"No, he's been a good boy.  He didn't even write except the nighttimes."  She beamed at him for that.  He grinned back.  He could see why Xander liked the girl.  "We'll get out of your hair late tonight."

"It's all right.  Can...can I help cook dinner?"

"Nah.  We've got a huge base caf to roam through tonight," he said with a charming grin.

She pinched him.  "Military food, yuck."  She dropped her things in her room then went to make lunch.  It was about lunch time.  She looked at the tall man in there.  "He didn't have pictures of you.  I'm Tara."

"He told us about you," he said, shaking her hand.  "I'm Ronon.  I'm on John and Rodney's team."

She beamed.  "Trying to keep them out of trouble?"

"It hardly ever works," he agreed, making her giggle.

Xander came out to give her a hug from behind.  "You good?" he whispered.

"I'm fine but why did the FBI think you'd make more of a mess than Buffy would?"

"Someone found the Initiative files as well."

"Ah!"  She nodded.  "Which had the mall thing?"  He nodded against her shoulder.  She snickered.  "The agent that walked me to the ambulance said that they didn't want you and Buffy to come.  She would've been messy and you would've been worse."

"Probably, yeah."  He let her go, turning her to look her over.  "Good.  You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine.  I've had worse on patrol."  He beamed at her.  "I got my mother's picture."

"I'll get you a new frame tonight."  She smiled and went back to cooking.  "You don't have to."

"I'm hungry and it's rude to eat in front of people who aren't."

Rodney came out.  "No citrus?"

She smiled.  "Xander told me about the restaurant in France."  He shuddered.  "I agree.  I tried french food.  Not to my liking.  Much too heavy."  She got back to work.  "You can help if you want."  Ronon got out of her way but Rodney came to help her cook.  "Xander does anyone else know that they got into it?"

"Yup.  I had Sam Finn suddenly show up at breakfast yesterday morning," he said dryly.  "Huffy.  Red in the face."

"The kid asked if she was pregnant," John said dryly.

"Willow gets like that now and then, even if she is denying she's pregnant."  He smirked evilly.  "She got huffy the same way too."  Willow appeared with a crack of displaced air. "Should you be doing that in your condition, woman?"

"I'm not pregnant," she said firmly.

He stared at her.  "If you say so, oh great one with the tight shirt."  He stared her down until she put her hands over her stomach.  "Prove it to all of us, go get an ultrasound in case it's something mimicking a pregnancy like a tumor."

"Fine.  I'll see someone this week.  You nag worse than my husband."

He smirked.  "That's because I've seen how stubborn you can be."  Tara snickered.  "Guys, this is Willow."

Rodney stared at her.  "Demons were bad enough but you have a way of zapping yourself across the country now?"

"It takes a lot of power so she's about the only one who can," Tara said with a smile.  "Though I agree, it can't be good for my goddaughter."  Willow sniffed and came to hug her.  She hugged back.  "It's all right.  We'll teach them about the Goddess together, Willow."  She nodded, pulling back to wipe off her cheeks.  "So, what's up?"  She washed her hands again and went back to fixing lunch.

"We just heard that you had been taken by your parents?" she asked dryly, glaring at Xander.

"From the parking lot of the library," he told her.  "I let agents handle it when the detective made me."

She smirked.  "Were they scared of you?"

"Of what I'd find to blow them away," he said dryly.  She squeaked and went red.  "They got into the Initiative's files."  He smirked evilly.

"They did say Buffy would be messy but they didn't want to see the mess Xander would create," Tara agreed.

"We kept it from you so you wouldn't have to make a mess," Xander said.  "Mood swings would be evil."

She pinched him hard.  "Are you all right, Tara?  You can come back to LA with me."

"I'm fine," she promised, smiling at her former girlfriend.  "It's all right."  Willow pouted.  "They found me the night they had taken me and waited until early the next morning to come in since I had brained my brother with something when he tried to hit me."

"Good!"  She gave her another hug and then left.  Rodney pointed and scowled.  She smiled at him.  "It's all right.  It's a Willow thing."  She got back to work.

"I wonder if O'Neill's gotten those," John said, considering it.

"Did you?" Xander asked.  John nodded with a smug look.  "When I had the cabin next to him, he kept annoying me while I was pissed.  Then I met Thor."  John moaned.  "He's a really good listener."

"Wow.  I did not know that."

Tara looked at him.  "I'm not hearing this."

"You have the same clearance I do," he told her dryly.

"Willow?"

"No.  Finn's people."

"Ah."  She got back to work.

He looked at John again, who was looking amused.  "Riley Finn showed up with another of his people to brief him.  This was about the same time an NID weenie showed up to try to date me."

"Ewww."

"Well, I do draw bad people," Xander quipped.  "Jack and his team got very amused and I'm told very drunk."

"That's why we got sent it," John assured him.  "We found two long gone ones."

"Cool.  Oh!"  He went to find something and came out.  "That really far back history book.  Giles found a copy for you guys."  He handed it over with a smile.

John sat down to read the earliest pages.  "Huh, this is farther than the one Rodney got off the Council."  She gave them an odd look.

Rodney smirked.  "They were withholding information we could use.  Our oversight committee said so.  The one we had on base is now back among them."

Xander snickered.  "Yeah, he refused to transfer here to New York.  Or even the US. He wrote me a nice letter, since he found out I knew you guys, that he was not going to get in close proximity to me unless there was an apocalypse because things might be more attracted to him after his stay up there."  He got it for them.

Rodney snorted at it, putting it aside.  "Wonderful."  He got back to work.  "Is he still hiding?'

"The last I heard, he had been avoiding one of the higher demons who wanted him as a consort."

"It is the city that warps us then," John said dryly.

Xander hugged him.  "I sucked it all out of you on the trip by being next to you for six weeks, John."  He went back to it.  "I hopefully got rid of some of Rodney's bad luck too."

"It has been more quiet since they got back," Ronon told him.  Rodney scowled.  "You haven't been kidnaped in nearly a month."  John burst out cackling.  "He hasn't had any priestesses hit on him.  Neither have I.  Can you reverse that part?"

"No, sorry," Xander said with an evil grin.  "More bad chicks for me."  Tara swatted him with a dish towel.  "I need more."

"Paula wants to marry you off to someone slightly evil so you settle down."  She finished up and plated the nice stir fry and gave them glasses of water.  She sat down with them and looked at Xander then at Rodney.  "Was he good when I was gone?"

"Most of the time.  He did get a wild hair up his ass to go threaten a PI."

"All I knew was he was taking pictures of a teenage girl I knew.  I only popped his tire.  It ended up helping her a lot."

"Emily?" She asked.  He nodded.  "Good."  She ate a bite and chewed.

"Her mother thought Alexis was the bad friend," he said with a grin.  Then he stuffed his mouth.

"You mean she didn't count the one you got busted for selling drugs as the bad friend?"

"Nope."

"Huh."  She considered it while she ate a bite.  "Alexis doesn't even really approach naughty."

"I know."  He patted her on the wrist.  "She wanted a call when you got back."

"I will once school's out."  She checked the clock and then ate another bite.

"Rick swore like he had spilled coffee on himself according to him.  It even woke up his mother."

"Ooooh.  I'll call him in a few minutes."  She took her plate into the office to call him in private.  He was a good friend.

Xander smiled.  "My mentor has a daughter that I have helping me out on DCIS and they shop together."  He ate another bite.  He paused.  "Rodney, did she use peanut oil?"

"No, she poured a drizzle on yours, Xander."

"Oh!  Okay, just making sure."  Rodney smiled but shook his head.  "You knew I was fussy when you met me."

"I knew you were odd when I met you," he countered.  "Not many others could piss off a secret society just by being there."

Xander gave him a look.  "It's a skill," he quipped.

"Yes, I seem to have inherited that one," Rodney said dryly, eating another bite.

"Most everyone was irritated with you already," Ronon assured him, cracking John up.

Xander snapped his fingers.  "Someone sent me an email for you guys, John.  They think it's your thing as they put it."  He got up to find it.   "I found it when Tara came in."  He came out to hand over the printed email.  Then he sat down to eat again.  "No idea about any of that but it's clearly meant for you."

John read it over.  "Any idea where that is?"

"Google maps?" he suggested.

"I can definitely look that up and have someone check it out, Xander.  Thank you."

"Not a problem.  That's clearly a John and Rodney job, not a Xander job."

"It's good you remember those from the trip," he said dryly.

Xander grinned at Ronon.  "Did he tell you we got to deliver a baby in Germany?"

"Why?" he asked.

"Because she was going into labor in an alley.  We heard her and couldn't get an ambulance or anyone so he coached and I caught the little guy.  Very slimy.  Right before a book signing too.  Paula was highly pissed that I was so grungy when I showed up and then moaned and went for a few drinks when she found out why."

"Those two were thought to be cute going around town together," Rodney told him.  "Half of everyone thought Xander had found someone that wasn't evil finally."

Xander smirked at him.  "I think he can be when he wants to be."  John nodded since his mouth was full.  "Oh, I don't mind the copies of the books, as long as they cannot be leaked," he ordered.

"They can't be," John assured him.  "Paula find out?"

"Yeah, someone leaked almost a whole chapter of the next one coming out."

"Oops.  I'll get onto them.  Through their family?"  Xander nodded.  "Huh.  I'll make sure it can't be, kid."  Xander smiled at that and dug back in.  "Got anything new done?"

"Very."  He pointed.  "And you can rob anything but the top shelf on the left one and the last one on the right.  That's Tara's and my shelf has signed ones."

"Sure, thanks, kid," Rodney agreed.  He went to look.  A lot of lighter reading but it was a good thing for the city's library.  He picked out some and took them to his bag.  Tara saw him and came out to get him some of hers as well.  He smiled at that.  She beamed back and went back to talking to someone on the phone.  He came back to finish his lunch.  "She's got some fussy older woman nagging her."

"Probably her aunt," he said dryly.  He stuffed his mouth.  John looked at him so he shook his head.  "During that huge ass fight," he said quietly.

"That makes more sense."  John smiled.  "It'll get easier.  Are you making more friends?"

"Some.  I've met a few other writers who live around here.  Met some nice officers.  Play kitten poker with some decent guys."  John shook his head quickly.  "What?"

"I blacked out the thought of kitten poker," he told him.

"Please don't, I'm eating," Rodney complained.  "I like cats."

"Is that why the terrible foursome have abandoned me for you?" Xander asked.

"Probably," he admitted.  "I miss my former beast every now and then.  Beyond that, they're small and cute."

"They do that so you don't do more than huff when they invade your shower with you," Xander told him.

"One somehow got up on top of the shower curtain rod to bat at my hair while I was washing it," Ronon told him.

"I got a nice picture of one sucking on one braid while kneading you the other morning," John said smugly.  Ronon scowled.  Rodney shook his head with a sigh.

Tara came out.  "They can be very loving but they're also pains in the tail sometimes."  She pointed at the one for Xander.  He got up to rescue the poor cat sticking out of the cheap, decorative vase.  "I didn't think she could fit in there."

"Apparently she did."  He helped her out and she went to the couch, climbed up, wiggled her tail, and leapt at John's shoulder, making him yelp.  She meowed at him then walked over to Rodney's shoulder, getting petted.  She walked/slid down his chest, making him hiss, until she got the lap.

He looked down.  "You cannot keep me," he told her, but he did pet her.

"Xander, any idea if any more information might be found on these guys?" he asked.

She looked.  "Gregori knows most everyone in town and he's a very nice guy," Tara said with a smile.  "Tell him I said hi and I'm okay."  She pinched Xander.  "Were you going to have them come in and get me?"

"I had some watching you for me while I plotted out how to get some artillery and make them a fucking mess for daring to kidnap you," he said bluntly, staring at her.  "They could've come in after me.  Unless you were in critical danger."  He smiled sweetly.

She huffed but kissed him on the cheek.  "Thank you, Xander."  She went back to her chatting with her aunt.

Xander shrugged at the dirty looks he got.  "What?"  He sat down.  Two more kittens came running out to pounce him.  "Hey, guys.  Tara, check Muffin."  She went to find her, bringing her out of the closet.  He heard her get into it.  "My organizer?"

"Just like her mother," she agreed, putting her underneath a pillow on the couch.  Since she liked being underneath so much.  She wiggled and got comfortable, then kitty snored.  She walked off shaking her head.  "I thought Miss Kitty snored."

John snickered.  "I noticed they all snored."

"They get it from their mother," Xander said with a head nod back toward Tara, cracking them all up.

"I do not," Tara called.

***

Xander walked the guys into Gregori's present poker game and over to the man.  "Hey."

"Xander.  Is Tara all right?"

"She's fine.  The FBI did a great job getting her back.  She's talked to her boss and it's all good so far.  A few minor bruises but she said she paid most of them back."  He laid down the email.  "You heard about John and Rodney, right?"  He nodded at them.  "This is Ronon, one of their teammates.  I got that this morning."

He read it over, then looked at John.  "Like the thing that the mythical city had problems with?" he demanded.

"You know about us?"

"You guys have many leaks because we all worry who you'll find to be upset with us next.  Some of the ones on the base have been calming down the paranoid for years now."

"Thank them for me.  Yes, like the wraith."

He grimaced.  "It's possible one managed to migrate.  It's not that hard for one to have migrated with them when they came home."  He handed it back.  "As for that address, it's in Newark.  Which may explain parts of that city really," he said dryly.  He wrote the address down on it.  "If so, please do remove them.  They prey equally on yours and our kinds."

"We're trying very hard to make sure that none of them get down here."

He smiled.  "That is very good of you, John.  And for keeping Xander from going after her immediately."

"Beckett said to let the FBI handle it for a day," Xander said, walking Ronon off to talk to one of his poker buddies.  "Hey, Phil."

"Xander!" he said, glancing around.  "I know I owe you kittens, man.  I'll pay you next week?"

"That's fine.  This is Ronon.  He's on John and Rodney's team."

"Hey.  They were very cute bouncing around on that tour together."  He let them sit down around him and they got dealt in.  Xander put down money for them.  A few cats were on the table but not too many.

"Are they alive?" Ronon asked, looking at a cat.

"Probably slightly sedated," Xander said, petting one.  It wiggled under his hand.  "Yeah, alive."  He went back to it.  He grinned.  "The ones who play it for the kittens usually are peaceful and use them instead of people eating," he said quietly.

"Ah!  No wonder you do not allow yours out of the apartment."

"We know what familiars are," Phil promised him.  "We don't touch familiars."

Xander smiled.  "Someone unwisely tried to kitten nap Miss Kitty back in Sunnydale.  They were not pleased when Willow intervened.  And then Buffy showed up."  They all nodded.  Xander taught him how to play.  He had taught Rodney and John too so maybe they could introduce it to the others on their city.   Ronon ended up winning a cat but John glared.  Rodney took it to pet and protect it for a few minutes.  It was a huge fluffy thing like his had been.  Xander grinned and let them have his car for a few hours.  Then he went to a bookstore.  They probably needed more books in the city.  He had to make sure the cats couldn't get packed.  They all wanted to live with Rodney but since the mommy was home they were running back and forth.  She could keep them with her for a few hours.

***

John got beamed down into the control area a week later, looking around at his people.  "Harris said to quit emaling his books or he's confiscating all the copies he gave us," he announced.  "Someone leaked from a future book.  Since Paula chewed on us over it, we're spreading the nibbling."  They all nodded.  He got out of the way and pulled Rodney with him.  "We've got some.  The guy donated some more books too."  They went to their rooms and settled back in to unpack.  The books went to the library.  The treats went to those who asked.  The cat went to hide in Rodney's office for now....

***

Tara looked around a few days after that.  "Xander, weren't you supposed to find a home for the pregnant kitty Ronon won?" she asked.  "I've been wondering who you found."

"She has a home," he said from behind his monitor.  "She's very loved there I'm sure."

"You didn't," she sighed.

"No, I didn't.  She snuck into his rolling bag.  He probably didn't even realize it until they were on the ship."  He beamed at her.  "Since our familiars like him maybe one of hers will."

"Fine.  That's sneaky, but fine."

"She's a cat, of course she's sneaky."

"You didn't try to stop her."

"She knows who rescued her from the mean ones who'd eat her."

"True."  She went back to fussing over something.  "Think we'll have more problems like that one you got emailed?"

"Nope.  If they come at us, maybe but they're not Xander problems.  They're John and Rodney and General Jack problems.  That was made very clear to me.  But I did email John and Sam a description and tell them to avoid running into them."  He smirked at her.  "That way they'd know."

"Good!"  She fussed with something else.  "Told them it was an unknown version of demon?"

"Yup, just traveled to earth, really rare, no idea how to kill it yet."

"Even better."  She heard someone in the hall and looked at the shadow underneath the doorway.  She kicked him and nodded.  He sighed and went to open the door.  "Mr. Winchester, nice to see you.  Are you all right?"

"You have visions?" he demanded quietly.

Xander let him inside without inviting him.  "Unfortunately since the battle with Glory for some unknown reason.  I spent a few days in a coma."  He sat down and saved the current story then looked at him.  "Did it help?"

"A lot, kids.  Thank you."  He ignored Tara.  "There's a lot of rumors about your former team."

"About half are probably true," he admitted dryly.  "Did the boys make it to see Buffy?"

"They did.  Dean was impressed at her given skills too."  He stared at them both.  "Witches are still problems, even if they have went light again."

"We all know she has an addiction," Tara said quietly.  "Like any addict she may slip, but she has a lot more support now than she did when she started to slip, Mr. Winchester.  Plus she knows how evil she can go thanks to the one where she sent Xander writing to her from her prison cell."

"They arrest them there?" he asked.

Xander got up to hand him a book.  "She sent me there."

He read the back while the boy sat down, then looked at him.  "Where that information came from?"  He nodded. "I was there?"

"Helping the boys train the slayers.  You were kinda the house dad over them and doing part of the earlier training.  You had one you adopted as a daughter over the years you knew her.  You even helped give a few driving lessons."

John shuddered.  "I remember doing the boys'.  I probably got drunk."  He put the book down but Xander waved.  "You sure?"

"I wrote it.  I've got a few other copies around here."  He smiled.  "We know Willow could slip but with her husband looking out for it, and the LA team looking out for it, and her being pregnant at the moment, we're pretty sure it'll only happen in an extreme circumstance."  He looked at Tara.  "Do we have plans for her delivery?"

"Yes.  Daniel and I worked out a plan to mute her powers for the last month and a half of her pregnancy until her daughter is a few weeks old.  Then we'll have some on standby in case she gets colic."

John nodded.  "That's a sensible thing.  She's under firm watch?"

Xander smirked.  "The last step of me trying to deal with her myself was me handing to someone in the White Order."

"We know of them," John agreed.  "So she's on a watch list anyway."  Xander nodded.  "But she's better?"

"That letter finally broke her.  The one there had sent the me there through multiple wish universes by compelling a vengeance demon to do her bidding so neither of us would have to hunt.  He ran into a few worlds without people."  John shuddered.  "He's still dealing with that after almost a year.  She got confined by the Elders there, then got free somehow.  They arrested her."

"Good."  He looked at the kids.  "Other hunters aren't worried because you two are here alone?"

"No," Xander said.  "We do things Sunnydale style.  Unless it's a problem we don't bother it.  We work with the peaceful communities.  Hell, we even go play kitten poker for information sometimes."

"Good to know.   Kitten poker?"

"Flesh eating and blood eating demons play it," she told him.  "I think it's mean but there's so many strays and I'd almost rather a stray than a baby."

"Good point.  Though I agree, it's mean."  Xander nodded.  "Yours?"

"My familiar's only litter."  She pointed at one who was staring at this new person.  "This is Muffin."

"She's cute."  He looked around his feet then at her.  "I heard she had a good sized litter."

"Most got adopted by my aunt's coven."

He nodded.  "If she should cause a problem and a hunter gets to her first," he started.

Xander held up a hand.  "She knows."  John nodded at that.  "Did you get to talk to Rupert?"

"On the phone thanks to the boys.  I had no idea things were that screwed up."

Xander got the email he had sent to the boys, letting him see it.  "It's from somewhere else but a few have made it here.  As far as I know you can shoot it in the head but I'm not totally sure and if it can touch you it can feed on you.  It's a life force sucker."

John read it over.  "I see you sent it to my boys?"  Xander nodded.  "Good to know," he agreed, handing the laptop back.  "Thank you for that.  Prevalent?"

"We've only found one.  Recently."

"Good to be on the lookout for then.  Thank you for your help, kids, but next time, try more subtle?"

"That's why I came to find you.  I didn't expect you to be in the middle of a fight," she said.

"That's fine.  At least you proved yourself to be good."  He looked at the boy.  "You need more training."

"I am taking classes.  I jumped in at sixteen."

John nodded.  "Good."

"The one who helped me said I was getting better."

"Wonderful."  He smirked.  "Though your rumors are out of control.  Did you know they said you stole artillery to get a major demon?"  Xander smirked and nodded.  John stared at the boy.  They both smiled and nodded.

"That was my best date in high school," he told him.  "I doubled with Willow and her boyfriend of the time.  Oh, werewolf things.  Do we know that there is a temple in Tibet that can help you get control of the change?"

"There is?"

"Our friend Oz went there.  He didn't change on the full moon at all.  Had some henna tattoos, some beads, some meditation stuff."

"Huh.  I'll have to look that up.   I know a few who lock themselves up."

"He did too but there are pelt hunters out there."

"True."  He smiled.  "Thank you, kid."

"Not a problem, Mr. Winchester.  If you need us for something up here, well, I write for a living," he said dryly.  "I may not always answer the phone immediately but I'm here."

"I'm a librarian," Tara told him.

He smiled.  "Thanks, kids."  He turned to leave but saw the shadow outside.  He pointed.

Xander stared.  "Hmm.  One of the Finn's?" he guessed.  "Who is it!"  Someone opened the door.  "Riley.  Figures.  What?"

"You made my wife cry?"

"I asked if she was pregnant since she was huffy the same way Willow is."

"She is!" he demanded, looking horrified.

"We have plans in place to keep her and the baby safe," Tara said patiently.  "Do not let my cats out, Riley, or you'll be finding them for me."

He closed the door, staring at her.  "Sorry, Tara.  Why was she upset?"

"The FBI managed to crack your files."

"Our...  The full files?"  Xander nodded.  "Are you certain?"

"They wanted me to not go after Tara because they decided I'd make a hell of a mess with artillery," he said dryly.  "Not that they were wrong."

Riley swallowed.  "Sure.  I get that.  You couldn't warn us?"

"I figured you guys had someone who monitored that stuff, Finn."

"Fine.  So she found out?"

"I think she got a nasty visit or something from some other Fed."

"Thank you.  You don't think, right?"

"Don't know.  She was awfully huffy and looked like she had run a marathon getting out of the car.  Sneak in and do a strip test on her."

"We have mandatory physicals, I can get her popped," he said.  "Thank you, guys."  He checked.  Tara searched and he had to get a kitten trying to learn about fire extinguishers.  Then Riley left.

Xander pointed at the door for John's benefit.  "Initiative."

"Heard rumors," he admitted calmly.  Xander let him see the files he had.  The full classified files, thank you, and he had paid well for them.  John glanced over the first few pages and handed it back.  "Where?"

"Homeland."

He nodded.  "Good to know.  Thank you for the information on the family's demon, kids."  He left, going to think about that topic.  He called his boys to have Sam search out info on them.  If the FBI had it, it was somewhere on the underground by now.  As it turned out, one of their contacts knew about it.  He had went to hunting afterwards and Dean knew him.  That was a good place to start to get that out of their country before it got worse and more demons came gunning for government agents.

Another one might want Sammy.

It would take being entirely too sneaky to fight a federal agent who was a demon spawn.

The End.

Chapter 9: Will Issues

Those wills come back to bite Xander a bit, plus the minions are cooler than Xander thought.  Plus the end of the friend issues comes to be.  Thankfully for the friend.

Xander walked into the police station, realizing he spent more time here than he did at the clubs he haunted.  The desk sergeant even knew who he was and just handed over a visitor's badge to him without asking what it was about this time.  Well, it wasn't the usual problem but it'd be something to check about first.  New York wasn't like Sunnydale.  They wouldn't ignore this.  He sat down next to one of the minions of Beckett.  "Detective Ryan....."

"Damn, you do know our names," he said dryly, shooting the kid a glare.  "You lost me ten bucks."

"Well, you two act like minions," he shot back with an evil smirk.  "I'm not here about the newest date."

"Another five lost.  So give me something I can win back some with, kid?"  He saved the report he was working on.

"You know those wills and the former curse on my ex-girlfriends?"

"I remember laughing myself sick at that, yeah," he admitted dryly.  "Why?  One come back to bite you?"

"Well, I'm not sure."  He put down the forms.  The detective took it to look over.  "I checked it over.  It's a really nice, huge ass warehouse."

"And the problem with that would be?"

"It's also listed as you guys' apocalypse vault."  He put down the other paper he was carrying.  "That says it's NYPD property but according to her lawyer she owns it and all the contents.  When he did a search, because I brought this point up to him, he said that it's still hers, not you guys'.  Now, since you guys think I'm storing some *cases* in a closet and like to nag about that, I thought I'd be nice and check this one first."

The detective looked at the kid.  "How do you get into these things?"

"She was pretty good in bed?" he guessed dryly.

"Clearly.  Anything else in there I should know about?"

"It's clear some of it's magical," he offered.  "Because it's not a huge building but it took me three days to walk *one* row."

Detective Ryan stared at him oddly.  "This I gotta see."  He grabbed his jacket and followed the kid, letting him drive this time.  The warehouse was still in Manhattan.  The kid checked his phone to get the code to press in and they walked in.  He walked out, rubbing a hand over his face.  The building was maybe three stories.  Looked to be a normal, average, small warehouse space.  Maybe a quarter of a block wide.  He walked back inside and his skin darkened from the breeze in the clearly bigger than a aircraft carrier, or six, building.  He blinked his eyes a few times then looked at the kid.  "Who was she?"

He pointed at the papers.  "Her."

He read it over then shook his head.  "This is really weird."

"No, really weird is she has ties to the Watchers Council since she's storing some of their stuff too, or she stole it from them."  He pointed at a box.  "I remember my friend Buffy blowing up that thing to re-separate it so it would quit killing people."

"What was it?" he asked.

"A huge ass demon called the Judge.  Can't be killed but you can separate it into parts.  It's a leggo demon.  Put it together and it's alive."

Detective Ryan shook his head quickly, staring around them.  Behind them the door opened again.  "NYPD," he said, holding up his badge.

"Us too," the younger detective said.

"Hi, Detectives Flack and Taylor," Xander said dryly.

"What are you doing in here?" Taylor demanded.  Ryan handed over the forms.  He read over both of them.  "I thought this was NYPD property."

"According to her lawyer it's not," Xander said.  "I went to Detective Ryan to check on that for me.  Especially since it's not all weapons.  Some of it's Council crap and artifacts."

Taylor looked at him then around, then back at the kid.  "If it's yours, you can't keep the weapons."

Ryan coughed.  "Actually, Captain Turner...."

"I heard," Mac said bluntly.  "If he needs something that big, he can ask first.  That's part of the reason why we keep these things; in case of invasion."

"It's a Cold War standing order," Flack agreed.  "My father used to run it but it got handed into my care since I work well with Taylor."  He shrugged, taking the papers to look at.  "Huh.  So her lawyer said...."

"It was still hers.  He had no idea how the NYPD had claimed it since it wasn't in any paperwork he could find," Xander told him.  "Which is why I went to Detective Ryan."

Mac looked around.  "Is there an inventory?"

"Shelf lists," Xander said, pointing at one.  "Clipboard per shelving unit."

Mac looked over the nearest one.  "Where's the weapons?"  Xander looked then pointed so they hiked over there.  Ryan's phone rang and he hung back to explain what was going on to his boss, who agreed he could handle this for their unit.  He hung up and caught up with the kid.  Mac looked at him too.  "Needed for a new case?"

"No.  My boss likes the kid and he hands most of his dates to us one way or another."  Flack snickered, shaking his head.  "Seriously!  Since he started handing them over when we asked or we do automatic background checks, my stats are wonderful.  A few serial killers, a few normal murderers, a few people traffickers."

"The drug dealer I handed you directly," Xander reminded him.  "Because I hated his ass once I found out how he afforded dinner."

"Him too," he agreed.  "Though I liked the stripper girlfriend who still had the whipped cream on her."

"Not my fault she decided she was going to stun me with the stuff she laced the whipped cream with then use our kitchen to cook up a bioweapon," Xander said dryly.

"True, it wasn't your fault.  You draw them for some strange reason," he assured him with a pat on the back.  "Thank you for not trying to hide these in Tara's closet."

"It's not that big," Xander said dryly.  "And I have better hiding areas, thank you."

"Oh, no," Flack said.  "It can join these weapons if they're higher than guns.  I know what you do," he said when the kid opened his mouth.  "We got briefed after that...terrorist you guys defeated."  Mac moaned, shaking his head.  "I know it was necessary.  We all know it was necessary.  No way in hell we're letting you keep higher weapons, kid."

"Beckett gets nagging rights over it but Castle thinks he figured out where most of them are," Ryan told him with a grin.  "He's technically our mascot."

"Hers, or the whole team's?" Xander said dryly.  "Who says I have higher weapons?"

"Yeah, right," Mac said, giving him a dirty look.  "We can store them in the same apocalypse vault, which means you'd have access when you needed it as long as you told us first, kid.  The FBI office subtly let us know they knew about that situation too.  That's why they wanted us to do an inventory of our apocalypse and invasion supplies."  He stared the boy down.  The boy stared back.  Most guys looked away.  This kid... he could respect him but there was no way he was leaving him with weapons.  "We can add them to this stuff since you can't have these weapons either."

"That might be a problem," Xander told him.

"Why?" Ryan asked with a smirk.  Beckett couldn't even get the kid to admit he got any.  This was a good sign.

"Because some of them... I'm only keeping out of worse hands."

"Former dates?" Flack quipped.

"And some poker buddies who know better than to have them in the city."

Ryan stared at him.  "I *knew* some of them paid you in artillery."

"And a few I left a note canceling out their poker debts after I picked out what I wanted," Xander said dryly.  "Because unless they're going off-plane I don't want them here either.  If they're going off-plane I can't say a word.  It's not my right, but if they're hanging around down here, no."

Mac stared at the kid.  "You've been taking weapons from them?"

"It's kinda an open secret that if I hear about it, I'll confiscate it.  It's a tradition that I've held since Sunnydale.  It's making them think up all sorts of crazy plans.  Like the guy who shrank some and implanted them under a goat's skin."

"Was that when you brought us goat for lunch?" Ryan asked.

"Yup."  He grinned at him.  "He got so pissed.  I pointed out I had heard.  He was in deep and it was me or Buffy, who would coo, pet, and get hot.  He shuddered at the thought of her getting hot on his weapons."

Ryan shook his head, looking at the more senior detective.  "Yeah, he's like that," he said at the horrified looks.  "Castle said it had something to do with a date."

"No, he didn't hit on me.  Their kind aren't breeders so they consider sex disgusting."

Mac shook his head quickly.  "I want them gone too.  Give me addresses?"

"Maybe."

"Today," he ordered with Flack.

"Fine."

"And yours," Flack reminded him.  Xander scowled.  "I don't care if they're your puppy dogs, kid.  You're not NYPD or a Fed.  They can arrest you for that."

"The ATF are still trying to figure out how I gave two of them some stuff that was broken," he said dryly.  "I even left the address of the guy's warehouse in one.  He was human even."

"Nice of you," Ryan agreed, patting him on the arm.  "All of them below the assault rifles.  Beckett said you could have those.  If you need it for a book, come take notes or pictures.  And no more being paid in guns?  Please?  You're freaking out some of the lesser officers who think that your white knight complex is going to turn you into the Punisher."

"When I was younger, I wanted to be Batman," he offered with a cheesy grin.

Ryan snorted.  "I think most local kids wanted to be Spiderman.  He's a local."  Xander snickered.  "Today.  Even to Castle if you want.  We know he'll do the right thing."

"Not even a few?  I've had a few since that double date in high school."

"No!"  He shook his head.  "Not even the stuff that you took out of Sunnydale with you.  Because I know you had the same deal going there."  Xander slumped.  "Just text Castle the address and the code to get in.  I'll tell him why."  The boy pouted and gave him puppy eyes.

Flack smacked the kid on the top of the head.  "Stop that.  I don't care if they're your pets."

"Tara gave him kittens," Ryan told him.  "Which can't play with them either."

"She only shrank the unworking mine for their toy."

Taylor moaned, rubbing his forehead.  "No."

"Fine," he muttered.  He found some blank paper and wrote on it.  He noticed something funny and stopped writing.  "That's an artifact."  He put it back and got handed Ryan's notebook and pen.  He wrote down the addresses.  "Am I going to be in trouble?"

"Only if you don't hand over all yours," he ordered.  "And stockpile without Beckett's express permission."

Xander looked at him.  "I'm not her minion."

"No, you're Castle's mentoree and he's her minion," he said bluntly, giving the kid a dirty look.

Flack snickered.  "I heard you guys had a team approach."

"Before today I wasn't sure the kid knew what my name was.  He calls me and my partner her minions."  He looked things over and then at the kid.  "This all of them including yours?"  The boy pouted.  "C'mon.  At least all the demon ones."

"I'm not going to touch the ones going off-plane.  Some of them are at war for really good reasons."

"I get that," Taylor agreed.  "How many don't you know in the city?  And any that may even think about selling to the other sort, I want gone."  Xander huffed but added a few more.  "Now put yours on there."

"No, Beckett was told to deal with his," Ryan told him.  "It can go into the same vault, but no."   He looked at the kid.  "Tell Castle."

"He's writing today."

"He'll be happy.  His wrist is screwed up again.  He sprained it yesterday."

"I know.  He got something from Tara for it."

"Then text Alexis.  That way she can annoy her dad."

"She's in school."  He checked his watch then him.  "That'll get me bitched at by her dad."

"Kid," he warned.  Xander slumped but wrote that down.  So he texted it to Castle, who could go find it and tell Beckett.  He got back one and replied.  So he'd handle it with her.  They got to work on the current weapons and Mac got those demonic arms dealers turned into the halfie ATF agent he knew.   Because someone was in trouble.

***

Castle got into the warehouse building.  It was a bigger U-Store place.  He looked.  The kid's cargo container was cute.  He closed the door behind him and got into it, staring at it.  "Huh."  He called Beckett.  She came to look too.  "Not as many as I thought."

She stared then around.  She went to talk to the guy working the desk.  "Does Mr. Harris only rent the one unit?" she asked.

The guy stared at her oddly.  "Xander?"

"Yes, him," she said.

"Are you Council?"

"No, I'm his overlord," she said bluntly.  "I'm Beckett."

"Hi, I'm Rick Castle," Rick said from over her shoulder.

"He said you might need something for research."  He looked at her.  "He said you're mean to his dates."

"I only arrest them," she said blandly.  "How many?"

"The whole thing?" he guessed, waving a hand.

"Does anyone rent any of them off him?" Rick asked while she was stunned.

"A few but they're demons."  He shrugged.

"I want that list," she said.  "If I have to I can get a warrant but we're moving all his weapons to our city's apocalypse vault."

"Wow, we weren't sure we had one," the demon said.

"Yes, we do."

"Huh.  You know, that means it's going to be fair game to steal from there?  Because no one's stupid enough to steal from Xander.  Rosenburg's scary, especially now."

"I heard she's about three months along," Castle said with a grin.

"We heard, dude.  We're all praying for mercy when she's got mood swings."

"Tara has a plan."

"Thank her Goddess for me, dude."  He handed over the clipboard of renters.  "He'll pout at me."

"He's pouting at the guys who are handling the apocalypse vault," she said.  She walked off to look at things.  She texted the kid she was going to kick his ass after the second semi-full storage bay.

"He has good taste," Rick said.  "For an army."

"Maybe, but still!"

"Who is with him?" he asked quietly.

"Ryan and two of the officers on the board of the apocalypse vault."  She smirked at him.  "He texted me that the kid inherited the warehouse and contents."

"Aw, crap."

"Which is why we're getting this now."  Her phone got a text and she read it then looked at him.  "I owe you five bucks, Castle.  That goat did have a story behind it.  Someone had imported some shrunken weapons under its skin."  He shuddered.  "Ryan said they're in bay 12."  He went to look and moaned, slumping against the wall.  She looked and shook her head.  "Any other shocks?"

"I could've sworn that the kitty toy Alexis accidentally borrowed thanks to a kitten playing in her jacket was a mine but it was too tiny," he told her.

"Tara can probably shrink things."

"Probably," he sighed.  "So hopefully it's not working since I tossed it back to him."  He texted that to the kid.  "Yeah, he disarmed it."  She shook her head, calling the other detectives to come get this stuff too.  Plus a warning that they might be considered fair game now without the kid being scary and possessive over them.

***

Taylor looked at the kid that night, staring at him.  "All your excess of weapons were safely added to the apocalypse vault."

"I've already heard where you guys moved it," Xander assured him.  "And made the three demons who were thinking about breaking in stop."

"Thank you for that," he said.  He handed over an agreement.  "That is what the FBI and ATF sent over."  Xander read it over, grimacing.  "They're not real pleased since we're not in Sunnydale and you could have come to us."

"I went to the ones I trusted in LA," he told him, looking up.  "I have no idea beyond three I know are dirty who to go to out here."

"I can understand that," he assured him.  "The ones you...wrote about, we're probably safe."

"Which is why you remember today," Xander said bluntly, staring at him.  "If I didn't trust you, you wouldn't."

"I understand," he assured him.  "Sign it if you agree.  No more poker debts or we're going to arrest you for them."

"How about if we set up a joint custody space since your apocalypse vault is now overflowing?" he suggested.  "Because if I call you as soon as I get it, they won't give me any and I'll have a lot of problems confiscating."

"That I may see as long as I know you can't take them out without permission."  He walked off to call the agents and the rest of the vault's controlling board.  They agreed that it was good and it would keep the kid out of trouble or using it.  He came back ten minutes later.  "They said that would be fine.  At your warehouse."  Xander wrote down a bay and access code.  "Is it that now?"

"Beckett changed it on me earlier.  She had already agreed with that because it was that or cats and I don't want paid in cats."

"That's fine.  We can agree with that."  A new agreement got faxed and he read it over then handed it to the kid.  He read it and signed it.  "Thank you.  Now, as for the rest of that mind-altering and swear-producing warehouse, any other weapons....."

"Would probably be artifacts or magical," Xander pointed out, leaning back some.  "I found a few earlier."

"Don't sell those without warning us."

"I'm not.  I might have someone come tell me what they are, but otherwise no."

"The insurance people would probably like that," he said dryly.

"She paid the insurance on it for the next thousand years.  It's somewhere in the office."

"Even better.  Now, are there any other dangers in this city that we who know about the underground need to be aware of?"

"You guys know about the nasty law firm that has a contract out on your lab for daring to win against them?"

"No, I did not," he said calmly.  Xander got into his phone and Mac wrote down the fax number for him.  It came out a few minutes later.  He read it over.  "That is very good to know.  Anything else that might impact anyone that you might have met while traveling?"

"Some against Jack's guys," he admitted.  "I think I emailed those to him."

"Good.  Make sure later."  The kid nodded.  "Let me know if there's anything else we should hear.  That way I can be just as protective of my people as you are of yours."

Xander nodded.  "I know it's a hard thing."

"Sometimes but they need it."

"Yeah."  He wrote down something else.  "That's a storage bay with records from Sunnydale's intelligence underground.  It might have things in there, I don't know."  He looked at him.  "We worked with the team that's headed by Epps in LA on the Sunnydale shutdown."

"Good to know.  Where is that?"

"Montana."

"I have someone from there."

"Yeah, she's a bit... mentally flaked," he said quietly.  "Or she was there."

Mac nodded.  "I can get with Epps to look that over," he promised.  "Just let her draw us a map."  The boy beamed at him.  "Tell us in the future?"

"Yes, Detective Taylor."

"Thank you, Xander.  Go home.  Play with the cats."  Xander fled.  Mac smiled, gathering things together to go to his office and call that agent.  If the kid trusted him, he was probably a stand-up guy.  The federal phone book online had him listed.  Like most agents his desk phone was probably forwarded.  If not, it could wait until tomorrow.

"Yeah, Epps," he answered, sounding angry.

"This is Detective Taylor, NYPD."

"What can I do for you, Detective?  A case out this way?  If so, I can't access records because I'm on my way to a bust."

"Actually, I think this is something that can wait a few hours if you'll call me back.  I was just given your name and the address of Mr. Harris', or someone's, information source drop."

"I see."  He paused.  Then he huffed.  "In LA?"

"No.  In Montana."

"Then I know someone I can refer you to, who was in Sunnydale and the kid freaked out majorly, who can help you go through it and pass out things.  He's in fugitive recovery."

"That'd be fine," he agreed.  "He said he didn't know who to trust out here.  I pointed out the few he knew he could so we're good now that we've taken his weapons for our city's invasion vault."

Epps let out a bitter sounding snicker.  "We found the local group's out here.  He was very thorough taking the poor things in to be adopted according to the local sources."

"He did the same here.  Plus inherited some."

"Make the kid quit playing kitten poker?"

"He's got a few detectives who watch what he dates," Mac assured him.  "They're over that too."

"Thank God."  He sighed.  "I'll call Ian tonight and have him call you, Detective.  You're in which extension?"

"I'm the lead of the Manhattan Felony lab."

"How....  That new series," he said dryly.

"Yes it was.  Plus I'm on the board over the vault."

"Even better.  Let us know if anything comes back to us.  Thank you."  He hung up.  He called Ian as they were pulling onto the street.  "It's Don Epps, Ian," he told his voicemail.  "Harris came up with a new information drop from Sunnydale in Montana.  He gave it to the head of the Manhattan Felony lab, a Detective Taylor.  Harris said he trusted me so he called me, I'm referring you because we just got handed a damn terrorist cell.  Thanks."  He hung up.

***

Mac Taylor met the agent he had talked to at the warehouse with Danny Messer.  "Agent Edgerton," he said, shaking his hand.  "Detectives Taylor and Meser, NYPD."

"Hey."  He shook Danny's hand.  "Did that kid creep you out too?"

"Kinda," Danny agreed.  "But he's damn handy to have around and we finally convinced him we'd baby his weapons like he did."

"He seems like the sort to coo over them," Ian agreed.  They got into the warehouse and he stared at the long rows of filing cabinets.  "This is a lot."

Mac went over the first few.  "They're sorted.  This one's NYPD."  He opened it, finding all the information on the last few offers against officers.  Including more on the one against his lab.

Danny snooped.  "It's alphabetical," he said.  "ATF starts the first one."  Ian went to start there.  He was federal so that was reasonable.  Danny helped with the NYPD drawers.  "Hey, I didn't know someone wanted me dead."  He put that aside.  The guy was in prison.  "Ah-ha!  Current ones."  Mac shifted to look those over with him.  They saw a moving shadow so he stared harder.  "Harris sent us here," he called.

"That is fine," a timid female voice called quietly.  "He told me why.  It is reasonable."

"If you want, you can help us," Mac offered.

"I am only the librarian.  Like the great Tara, I only shelve things."  She scurried off.

"Good to know," Danny told Mac, who nodded.  They kept going and it was better.  They had a lot of stuff to hand over.  Ian moaned a few times but they only smiled at it.  It had sounded like it was good.

"Damn it, he knows where most of my captures were before I did.  I need his pipeline of information," Ian complained.

The detectives smiled.  "Learn to play kitten poker," Mac called.

"No thank you!  I learned about that in Sunnydale."  He came over reading a file, handing it over.  "Your neck of the woods."

Mac looked it over.  "He got arrested last week for DUI.  He nearly ran into a scene and my second-in-command made him sorry."  He handed it back with a smile.  "She was very pissed that he was drunk and decided to play with her hair while he was in the car."

"Yeah, that's a good reason to be pissed," he said, going back to his section.  He called in some of the local agents to copy things for them.  They could do paperwork because he hated it.

***

Mac walked into the office, staring at the redhead who looked like he had a headache.  "Want me to run out and get you some tylenol?" he asked quietly.

Horatio Caine's head popped up and he smiled at him.  "Mac Taylor, why are you in Miami?"

"I had an information drop and library handed to me by someone that tends to freak out federal agents."

"How much can we trust?"

"It's from an underground poker circuit.  A lot of it was on hits that were put out.  The records went for the last ten years.  I have this lab's in the trunk if you'd like it."

"You know I would.  Many current?"

"Yes, and who was rumored to have taken them."  The redhead smirked at him.  "It is very well notated.  The one who gave it to me is mostly normal but he's a fantasy writer and this is his poker circuit."

"Ah."  He followed him down to the car, seeing all the boxes.  "That is a lot."

"Yes it is," Mac agreed.  "Every single offer, no matter from what source.  Including some syndicates and major drug lords."

"Nice of him.  Why did he hand it over?"

"I asked after we made him hand over the artillery he inherited for our invasion vault."

Horatio looked at him.  "I remember hearing about that vault."

"He inherited a warehouse that had a lot of it.  He nicely checked on custody since we thought we had owned it.  We wore him down since he was also taking in weapons from that underground circuit to keep them out of worse hands.  A white knight."

"Charming.  Is he going vigilante?"

"No, not in the least.  Not unless he has to protect someone who needs him to.  Like his roommate.  Even the FBI has run into him and his friends for protecting things, like their former town before the FBI shut it down."

"The group?"

"No, the town.  It was that dirty."

"I heard about that," he admitted, tipping his head to the side and taking off his sunglasses.  "Tell me more."

Mac smiled.  "Inside, Horatio.  It's hot down here."

Horatio put his glasses back on.  "Of course it is.  Miami is heat and passion that leads to a lot of deaths."  He helped carry in the boxes with a few officers.  They had to make a few trips but that was fine as well.  Once they were in the air conditioning, Horatio took off his glasses again.  "Now, tell me more about this little secret underground, Mac.  I don't want something like that down here."

"I have no idea if there are any down here."  He texted the kid who took a few minutes but gave him some names.  "Ah, you do have a few on the kitten poker circuit."  He showed him the names, getting a shudder.  "I take you've been there?"

"One scene at that third one down," he admitted.  "It was very disgusting.  Cannibals dressed as giant rabbits."

"That's more interesting than his usual poker buddies," Mac said.  If Horatio didn't believe in demons or didn't know, he wasn't going to enlighten him.  Why give the man nightmares?  They got bottles of water and sat down to go through all the files.

***

Danny Messer waved the truck back onto the loading dock, waving it to stop when it got close enough.  He waved at the rookie officers.  "Up to the lab, on our third floor, to the end of the hall and that empty room with just a table."  They nodded and got the boxes onto handtrucks and up there.  It still took three trips but that was fine.  The rookies and the truck were released back to their usual jobs.  Stella, the second-in-command, showed up with another female detective.  "Hey, our new homicide detective?"

"No, I work with Harris.  I'm Detective Kate Beckett," she said, shaking his hand.  "I wanted to see how much of this was ours."

He looked at the boxes.  "The precincts and years are marked, Detective."

She smiled.  "Call me Kate.  I have the feeling we're going to be at this for days."  Stella laughed and nodded.  They got into their individual boxes.

"He seems like a nice kid," Danny told her as he read to sort farther.

"Most of the time but he has this bad habit of jumping into things, mostly to protect people."  She looked over.  "Honestly, I like the kid.  He's a nice guy.  If he wasn't so intense I'd consider all the times he flirted with me."  They both smirked at her.  "But he draws psychos for dates and everything he does he attacks.  Protecting his roommate and himself.  Protecting me once because my fellow detectives and ride-along civilian decided I'd be safer with him than at the station.  Writing.  He's just very intense.  I've heard he cuts loose well enough but he's still on guard thanks to people wanting to keep him.  Mostly because they're evil and want to sleep with him," she admitted with a huff.

Stella shook her head.  "I heard rumors of a guy like that in LA at a convention a few years back but I thought he was an urban legend."

"No, that was Harris," Kate told her blandly, giving her a look.  "He had to move.  His publisher said so."  Stella shook her head.  "He's the same Harris that puts out those fantasy novels."

"How did you meet him?" Danny asked.

"My civilian ride-along is his mentor."  She smirked.  "Harris is like a younger, less slick version of Castle.  He told me what was going on when we had to question him about one of his ex's.  Then I got the file from LA."  She rolled her eyes.  "Even if he dates guys, it's bad."

"He'll find one some day," Stella assured her.

"Only if they're bad and then reformed," she shot back.  "We keep a list of who he's dated more than once on our murder boards so we can compare names.  We've had a few that wanted him and that's how they proved it to him.  Not to mention his draw of the serious dark, psychotic sort.  Though he'll hand them in if he thinks they're too evil.  He's dragged in more than one or their names and his looser background check."

Danny snickered.  "I'm so glad I'm not that bad."

A younger woman walked in.  "Is this casework?"

"No, Lindsay, this is stuff from an information drop on people who've put out contracts on us," Stella told her.  "We'll be calling some precincts later to come get their boxes so show them up."

"Any on me?"

Danny looked at her.  "Not that I've seen yet."  He got back to work.  "Hey, Stella."  She looked over at him.  He let her read the one he was glancing over.  She stared at it then glared at him.  He grinned.  "Good ta know?"

"Very!  Thank you."  She took it to read deeper.  "I see that is why I had that car crash right before that trial.  They were weak."  She put it aside.

Lindsay looked at the boxes.  "Why is one marked Flack/Taylor/Reyas?" she asked.

"That's who that box covers," Danny said.  "Flack'll be here soon too.  Reyas retired last year."

"So it's his dad's?"

"No, it's all his," Danny said dryly.  "His dad's are further back.  This only goes back 4 or 5 years."  She shuddered and walked off.

"Reyas was a good detective," Kate agreed quietly.  "But an ass to female detectives sometimes."

Stella nodded.  "I remember.  He pinched me and I swatted him.  Got in trouble with my sergeant at the time but he laughed it off.  He told me women detectives have to have bigger balls and more brains than the average male detective."

Kate smirked at her.  "That makes me feel better for decking him when he tried to hug me once."  Danny snickered.  "I did."

"I'm sure you did.  The man got punched nearly daily I think."  They moved to the next box to sort.

Flack walked in looking displeased.  "Where's my stack?"  They pointed at the box.  He read the index and looked at them.  "Just me?"

"Only goes back 5 years," Stella told him.

"Ah."  He carried it off.  Mac was in his office.  Reyas was coming off the elevator so he head nodded.  "This is our box with Taylor.  We can be comfy in his office."

"Sure."  They went that way and he got his stack.  They had put in notecards to show where they were separated.  He read them over, shaking his head.  "Some of this is ancient history being brought up again by their kids."

Don smirked.  "I only inherited a few of my dad's beefs but I've got plenty of 'you put my daddy away' ones."

Reyas nodded.  "Me too."  He looked at him.  "You look a lot more like your mother, Flack."

"Just don't pinch me on the ass like you did her, Uncle Dick."

"Fine."  He smiled and got back to work, making Mac shake his head.  "Even if you are pretty enough to be a girl.  What's this I heard about a fantasy author using you?"

"Not just me but yeah.  Apparently I'm cute.  He offered to make me an elf too," he said dryly.

Reyas looked at him.  "Your father would flip out."

"I told him just to watch him choke, splutter, and swear," Don said with an evil smirk.  "Ma said he was being bored and lazy around the house."  Mac snickered.  "He was.  Ma said he wouldn't even take out the trash.  So I was his payback for not giving in."

"I'm so glad I never had to have that sort of talk with my father," Mac told him.  "He would not have been amused if I got put into a book."

"I don't know, Mac, you'd make a good elf," Reyas said.  Mac scowled.  He smirked back.  "Most of them today look like too-pretty sissy boys."

"Gee, thanks," Flack said dryly.  "That one liked me because of my stare and physical prowess."  He looked at his 'uncle'.   "Or are you hitting on me?" he asked dryly.  "Because sometimes I'm dense about that stuff; overloaded from all the offers."

"Your father would shit," he said bluntly.

"Nah, only if I dated Harris.  Then I'd better pray for an exorcism," Don joked.

"Harris found these?" Reyas asked.

"Yeah.  You know 'im?" Don asked with a smirk.

"I know his mentor and heard about him in some similar circles.  He's mostly a nice kid until you attack around him."  He got back to it.  "For some reason it doesn't surprise me that he gathered these.  Poker debts?"

"He said his poker circle dropped them there," Mac told him.

"Figures."  He finished up and hefted his stack.  "Thank you, boys."  He left, going to complain to his walls at home.  He had always felt pissing people off meant he was doing a good job.  This just proved it.  He had a whole bunch of badges of honor for his duty.

Flack smiled at Mac.  "Dad and he used to play poker too."

Mac smirked back.  "You are pretty but not my type."

Don snorted.  "I know that.  Don't worry, you're too butch for me too, Mac.  I could never date a butch guy like you."  Mac snickered and they finished up their piles and went to help the other sorting team.  Don got to carry his precinct's back.  The higher ups were not going to be amused by any means.

***

Tara came home the night all the switching and handing over was done, staring at the moping man on the couch.  "What happened?" she asked, bending to pet the creeling kittens.  "What?  I'm back.  I told you I'd be back.  It's not like I disappeared."  She put her purse in her bedroom, and one immediately decided to lay on top of it for her so she couldn't have it back.  She smiled and changed into something to lounge around in.  They all followed her to the kitchen to get a drink then to the living room.  Xander's kitten ran over to pounce him again, getting petted.  "What happened?" she asked again.

"They finished taking all the toys."

She rolled her eyes.  "You're lucky they didn't arrest you for that, Xander."

"I know, but they know I wasn't going to use them on normal people."

"Still.  You're not military or an agent."

He looked at her.  "True, but...."

She shook her head.  "You know they're paranoid.  They probably decided it'd help protect you from your next girlfriend."  She sipped her water, having to shoo a paw out of her glass.  She stared at the cat.  "Is your bowl empty?"  The cat silently meowed and nudged her with his head, getting petted.  She shook her head and he was snickering.  "She'll do it to you sometime."

"I think she wants to be a bad girl.  She's still trying to live inside my t-shirt with me."

"It's nipple fixation since she wasn't breast fed," she joked.

"Then wouldn't she be up *your* shirt?" he joked back.

"You're her parent.  That means you should feed her."  She took another drink and put her glass down.  Which meant it was fair game for paws, tongues, and in one case a whole head.  She saved the glass from tipping over and breaking, gently prying the struggling cat out.  She apparently hadn't realized water in a glass was the same stuff she hated in the sink during a bath.  That one went to hide behind Xander and hiss at the glass.  "You did it to yourself," Tara told the kitten.

Xander petted her, calming her down.  "Relax.  Next time, don't drink her water."  The cat snuggled into his side with a smug look for Tara.  "We need to teach them to not drink out of the toilet.  Last night I went in to pee and nearly caught one of them.  She almost fell in when I flipped on the light and I didn't see her when I started.  She scurried off to hide."

"I'm sure the first one that gets hit will tell the others," she said dryly.

"Maybe."  He petted the other two, making them quit trying to pounce her shirt.  "Of course they'd probably run in to hide with you."  She grimaced, shaking her head.  "So how do we keep them out of the toilet?"

"Put down the lid?"

He pointed at his.  "I got woken up by her trying to get the lid up this morning."

She sighed.  "We'll figure it out.  Miss Kitty never had those problems.  Even when she got out in the dorm.  She just went to cuddle the cheerleaders and interrupt them having sex."

"I'm sure she had fun giving them odd looks for trying to breed."  She snickered, nodding some.  "But, the new babies will be shared."

"Thank you.  You worried me you know."

He smirked.  "They made me after that one inheritance hearing I had that morning ended up being a very large warehouse full of weapons and artifacts."  She moaned, shaking her head.  "Much larger than it should be as well."  She slumped.  He pointed at the paper he had written on.  "Writing the address on that led to all the spells being taken off it."

She took it to examine then looked at him.  "That's some complex spell work," she said, putting it back down carefully.  "Does it work when you're writing on it for other purposes?"

"That depends.  Did that hidden chamber in your library open?"

"I wondered why that suddenly became more visible," she muttered.  He smirked.  She pinched him on the arm.  "It's a personal collection."  She picked up her glass to take a drink.  The kittens all stared at her so she huffed and went to refill their bowl.  It was still full but she rinsed it out and refilled it, plus added a few ice cubes to keep it cold.  They batted at them but she let them for now.  Everything was a new kitten toy to them.  It made her feel happy to make them learn something new.  Even when she had to go clean up the mess when one fell in.  Xander was snickering but that was fine this time.  He could get the next mess.  "Did you do the litterboxes?" she asked.

"Yup, before I went there.  I figured it was about as good as the shit I'd see with the lawyer."

"Funny," she said dryly.  "Which hearing was this morning?"

"Diana's."

"The people stealer?  Or was she the 'pedestrians for points' girl?"

"The one who hit walkers with her car on purpose."

"What did she want?"

"To donate eggs to you since clearly you needed some."

"Not really."  She took another drink.  One of the kittens pounced her so she let her drink out of the glass too, carefully tipping it.  That one purred and snuggled into her chest.  "What else did she want to give you that you protested?"

"A lot.  I did protest.  The judge thought it was funny until my lawyer told him how many there were."

"Did he still giggle like a schoolgirl?"

"And then some," he said dryly.  "Especially that one he had turned down hearing due to personal involvement ended up being one of mine.  It was his hated sister-in-law.  He said that in open court.  He wished me well and warned that there was probably some demon lurking for her soul."

"I banished one of those recently.  I can do it again," she reminded him.  He grinned back.  "That bad?"  He smirked and nodded.  "Shoot."

"Yup.  We'll go over it after the last one.  That way we can sell at least half of it on them."

"Definitely."

He smirked and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek.  "One of them came up with fake marriage records too."  He changed the channel and the cats all sped off at the rapid gunshots.  He changed it back and settled in to a cat free lap.

"That was mean."

"Yay.  They needed to hide and nap anyway.  They're ignoring the kitten imperative."

"True."  She got comfy too.  She loved watching Law and Order with him.  They found the same stuff funny.

***

Xander walked into the Hyperion the week before the annual writers' convention.   "Angel, I need someone who can look at mystical artifacts and tell me what the hell they are and what's dangerous."

"Why not ask one of the Watchers?" he asked quietly.

"Because they might've been theirs originally.  A few have nicely noted cards written in Britspeak."

"If not, probably family," he agreed.  "What sort of artifacts?"  Xander handed over the copied pages from the shelf inventory.  He read, starting to scowl, eyebrows going up instead of down a few times.  "This is...."

"From an ex."

"The curse?" he asked dryly.  Xander nodded.  "A few were theirs but Wes wouldn't tell them."

"I might sell some of them back but nothing that can be used as a weapon.  An officer spotted and picked up a quill pen to look at, finding it was poisonous."

"You had officers in there?"

"She also had a lot of the NYPD invasion vault."

"Ah!"  He nodded at that, then shook his head.  "I heard they got yours."

"Yup, thanks to hers.  I can get into them if I have to but I have to warn first.  Mostly while I'm getting into them."

"So they know?"

"Yup, and someone made sure there's a team in the New York ATF office that saw the Sunnydale report; someone in the local FBI that saw it.  It got handed to the fifty officers and detectives who're in the know to handle demon things.  They all think I'm highly overprotective."  He grinned.

"Did you prove them wrong yet?" Gunn asked as he came out of the office.

"Hell no.  They sent people to rescue Tara before I could go.  They decided I'd be messy."  They all smirked at him.  He grinned back.  "Beyond that, most of the community is peaceful.  The ones that aren't, we're watching and they know it."  He shrugged.  "When vamps were being paid to take out targets for Wolfram and Hart, I let SWAT do it."  They all groaned.  "One of them was in on the underground."

"Wonderful," Angel said.  "The vampires?"

"Gone.  That was that troop going after detectives to turn."

"I'm glad they're gone," Buffy said, coming down the stairs with a yawn.  "Big news?"

"I needed referred to someone who would be able to do an inventory of some mystical artifacts I inherited from the ex's."   She gave him the oddest look so he grinned.  "That curse."

"Wes could.  Or Giles."

"Some probably used to be Council owned."

"Ah!"  She nodded at that.  "Wes was saying something from his father's collection got stolen last year.  Wes?"  He came out of his room and down the stairs.  "Xander inherited some mystical crap."

Angel handed over the list.  "His ex probably stole some."

He read it over, nodding.  "I dare say that's clear."  He made notes next to them.  A few he had to look up.

"I need to know what needs to be put into a locking box, Wes," Xander told him.  "An officer picked up a quill and we had no idea it was a poisonous source."

"Oh, dear," he said with a wince.  "Peacock looking?"  He nodded quickly.  "Did they poor man get an antidote?"

"Tara spotted him changing colors and fixed it with a general one."

"Even better."  He went back to marking down what he knew, putting stars next to things that should be locked up.  It was a lot of the list.  "Was she going for weapons?"

"Yeah, they cleared out the mundane weapons for the anti-invasion vault."

Wes moaned, shaking his head.  "We heard you were made to hand over yours."

"Same day."

"Ah."  He went back to the list.  "Is this complete?"

"Not by a count.  There's at least a hundred not on those and that's not all the lists.  I was going to tempt someone into coming to check them out and give me a real inventory with those."

Wesley looked at him.  "Let me have a bed for a few weeks."

"Sure."  Wesley smiled and walked off to call Giles to make sure he could handle Watcher duty locally for a few days.  Or possibly a month.  This would be a wonderful vacation.  It was what he was trained for.

Xander looked around.  "Anyway, we've got the writer's convention this weekend.  I was asked politely by my publisher to please not have emergencies or demons show up at the hotel this year.  Unlike last year or the year I had to leave to help with a battle."  They all smirked at him.  He shrugged.  "We've got a bunch of newbies this year.  Only two of us on the young writer's panel have been there."

"We'll try," Angel said.  "Where is it being held?"  Xander handed over a copy of the itinerary.  It also had the sponsored shopping trips.  He read it over, nodding.  "We've got two nests near there and a routine poker game in their backroom."

"I doubt most of the authors will be doing that," he admitted.  "But the nests?  Can I help?"

"Sure," Buffy decided.  They went to clear those out.  Not that they wouldn't refill in a few weeks.  Xander called someone to pick up the stuff to donate it somewhere.  She gave him a smug look.  "It means the next ones can't use it."  He walked off with her to cool down and get a drink on their way to the next problem.  It was their usual routine.  The others could handle the other local problems.  That way it would be a quiet convention.  Castle had nearly begged him to make sure nothing came near Alexis this year.

The End.

Chapter 10: A Small Addition

Someone wants Xander to protect something very important to them.

Xander heard the knock and looked up from his typing.  He wasn’t having a good day with it.  His muses weren’t cooperating and he was having a hell of a day doing anything or getting anything but smut to come out of his brain and down his fingers.  So maybe that was the help his muses needed.  Or at least a distraction.  He got up and went to answer it.

"Hold on," he called.  He opened the door.  No one was there.  He looked around the hallway, but still no one.  "Must've been a girl scout or something," he mumbled, starting to close the door when one of the cats bounced out.  "Get back here!" he complained, bending down to grab her.  He stopped when he saw what was in front of his door.

"Chester!"   She scampered back into the apartment like he was really mad.  He was staring at the baby like it was an alien.  For all he knew, it might be.  Stranger things had happened.  Especially in his life.  He got nudged out of his staring by a small nose trying to sniff at it.  "No," he said quietly.  He checked the hall again then picked up the carrier, carrying it in to the table so he could stare at the contents closer.  "You're not a demon," he said quietly.

This was blowing his mind.  Someone had dropped a baby off on his doorstep.  Why him?  Was he the daddy?  With that thought, his mind came to screeching halt with the smell of burned brake pads.  If so he was really screwed and it was a bad thing.  There was no way he was ready to be a father.  He was a bad kitten father.  He ignored them all the time when they wanted to play.  What would he do to a poor child?  Tara would kill him!

In his mind, the babble switch got flipped and he started to mentally try to work out something.  He had no idea what he was supposed to do with a baby!  He called the one person he knew he could count on who also knew about kids.  "Rick," he babbled when he answered his phone.  "I've got *major* issues and I need a mentor right now.  Are you at home?  Please say you're at home?  Pretty please?  Before I freak out worse?"

On the other end of the phone Rick looked at it then put it back against his ear.  "Calm down, Xander.  What's wrong?"  The people in the squad room gave him an odd look.  He shrugged and sat down.  "What happened?"  He listened to the return of the babble.  He was maybe getting two out of every fifty words.  "I'm at the station with a hot case.  Come down here and tell me.  That way I can help.  You know I will if I can.  Even if you killed your last girlfriend by accident," he joked.

He nodded.  "Sure, I'll be here, even if they go out to question.  Yeah, come here.  Just don't drive.  With the way you're acting, you'd crash.  No, that wouldn't be good for the … what?"  He rolled his eyes at the new babble.  "Yup, get a cab."  The boy hung up and he shook his head quickly, rubbing his ear.  "I have no idea," he said at the odd looks he was still getting.  "He was babbling worse than Alexis did the one time she snuck a drink of my rum and coke at a book signing when she was seven."  He was still rubbing his ear.

"I didn't think she'd be the sort to sneak drinks," Detective Ryan said.

Detective Beckett shook her head.  "Every kid does at least once in their lives."  She got a phone call and took down information.  "Thank you.  The wiretap team got notice of a meeting."  She looked at him.  "You can stay."

"I probably should.  He might break someone if they had to listen to him babble that way."   The other two detectives looked at him.  He waved a hand.  "I'm sure it's not horrible."

"It is Harris," they said.  They grimaced.

"Ryan, stay," Beckett ordered.  "Just in case he did just kill his latest girlfriend."  She grabbed her jacket and walked out with Espisito.  Ryan shrugged but grinned.

Castle smiled.  "He was babbling so bad I didn't get a lot of what he said."

"That's fine.  I'm sure it's nothing too horrible."  He got a few things cleared up by the time the kid got there.  He got a call from the front desk and frowned.  "What?" he asked.  "Yeah, we wanna know."  He hung up.  "Bad shock coming," he announced.

"How bad?"

Ryan looked at him.  "Hope the woman is better than your ex's."  The kid came off the elevator.  He spotted them and started to babble again.  Castle stared at what he was carrying and sighed.  "Stop," he ordered.  The boy fell silent, giving him a begging look.  "Where did you get it?"

"It was left on my doorstep!" he said, putting it on the desk and moving the blanket he had put over the carrier to shield it from the wind that had been really bad at his place.  "I have no idea who left it or what to do with one of those.  I ignore the kittens when they want to play!  I'm going to turn this kid even stranger than a kitten.  Or me!"

"So it was left?" Ryan said to make sure.  Xander nodded quickly.  "Any note?  Does your new place have a doorman or security so we can track the mother?  She wouldn't get into trouble if she had left the baby somewhere like a hospital or a station but a private home isn't considered a safe drop location."

"Huh?"

"The law says that a mother can drop their kids off somewhere safe," Castle told him.  "They won't be charged.  Putting it in front of your door isn't a safe drop-off spot."

"Oh!"  He nodded quickly.  "Then why give it to me?  I mean, I play safely.  I always have.  I'm one of those condom boys from the start.  It shouldn't be mine, especially not with the way I got some DNA warping stuff," he babbled.  "I have no idea what to do with those things.  They're scary!"

"Yeah, they are, kid," Castle said, patting him on the arm.  "Was there a note?"

"Note?" he asked.

"People usually leave a note," Ryan said, checking the carrier.  "Here we go."  He sent Beckett a text to let her know it wasn't an emergency.  Then he called Dispatch while he got the envelope open.  "It's Detective Ryan," he said when they answered.  He gave his badge number.  "A friend of the department got a baby dropped on his doorstep.  I need the social worker on call to get with us."  He listened.  "They're on what?" he demanded.  "How can they be on strike?"

Castle moaned, shaking his head.  "Contract talks with all state workers.  I was almost surprised that the PD's union hasn't joined in on it."  He took the note to read over.  "That makes more sense.  Her parent left her with you because you'd protect her."  He looked at Xander, handing him the note.  "Know them?"

Xander looked it over, shaking his head.  "Not a bit.   I don't remember anyone by that name."  He sat down to call someone.  "Patrick, Xander.  Do we know anyone named Rachel Hastlet?"  He listened.  "No, she wanted me to protect her daughter.  No, not pretty and nubile.  Tiny and wears a diaper sort."  He rolled his eyes.  "I have no idea what to do with babies!"  He listened to the information.  "Thank you."  He hung up and called the library.  "Is Tara horribly busy, Gloria?  It's Xander.  No, actually I'm at the station after someone dropped a huge thing on our doorstep."  He waited while she passed on that information.  Tara was clearly scowling.  "Because the cats wanted to adopt her, Tara.  I don't know!  Rick, Tara wants to know how old she is."

"Maybe seven, eight months," he said, taking the phone.  "Tara, Rick.  Someone dropped a baby on the doorstep with a letter asking Xander to protect her.  It doesn't have her name.  It has the mother's name but not the baby's.  No, he panicked."

Xander glared.  "Not like I have any idea what to do with one of them!"

"They are a bit more complicated than kittens," Ryan joked with a smirk for him.  "I have friends who have kids this age."  He called one.  "Denise, I need a huge favor.  Someone we know and occasionally save from his girlfriends got a baby dropped on his doorstep.  No, not his.  She wanted him to guard her.  Didn't leave anything like diapers."  He picked her up, weighing her.  "Maybe 16 pounds?  No, not hefty but a bit stout."  He carefully put her back.  "Thank you.  Yeah, at the station.  No, they're all apparently on strike today.  It might be tomorrow."

"What would we do with her tonight?" Xander and Castle asked, giving him a look.  Xander's looked very horrified.  Castle was trying hard not to smile at the boy's panic.

"If we can't get a social worker, we'll have to find a good substitute the Captain would allow.  That's up to him.  Think you guys….."

"No!  Egg babies are quite enough, thank you.  I did diaper duty for quite a while."

Xander looked at him.  "Diapers are worse than slime?" he guessed.

"That depends on what they've been eating," Rick said.  He listened to Tara's advice.  "We'll see.  Yeah, he's down here.  Took a cab.  Thanks, Tara."  He hung up and put Xander's phone back into his shirt pocket.  "Calm down," he said quietly.  "She's not going to attack and kill people."

"How would I know?  I have no idea about those things beyond what I saw on _Three Men and a Baby_."

"Remember the diaper scene?  She's about that age," Ryan said with a grin.

"Crap."

"Yes, she probably will soon."  He made notes for the official report.  His captain was going to be tickled about this one.  The kid had panicked worse than if someone had tried to capture him to be eaten.  Then again, maybe the kid had been captured by some sort of cannibal in the past.  Who knew with the kid.  The baby was cooing at them and he had to grin.  She was adorable.  She was playing with her toes and babbling baby noise.  "Are we sure she's not his?  She's babbling like he was when he came in," he joked.

"I have the right to panic when someone gives me something major like that," Xander pouted.  "You'd panic too if they left it on your doorstep.  Thankfully the muses weren't being cooperative today or I might've never heard them."  He slumped, looking at Rick.  "Do you have to tell her?"

"Her?"

"Paula."

"No.  Not unless it goes on for a while, kid."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "She'll only groan.  She did when Alexis' mother left me with her."  He looked at the baby.  "She's making that face."

"Denise will be here soon," he assured him with a smile.  He texted to make sure.  "You want to handle this one?  Or do you need backup?" he teased.  Castle smirked at him so Ryan nodded at the still worried looking younger guy.  Castle smirked and once the friend got there, he took the fussy baby to the bathroom with Xander's help to change her.

Beckett and Espisito showed up while they were gone.  "What was the emergency?" she asked.  She looked at the bags on her fellow detective's desk.  "Hyping our emergency supplies?"

"He got a baby dropped on his doorstep."  They came back together; Xander staring at the baby like it was really a strange demon he'd never heard of before.  "Everything go okay?" he joked with a smirk.

"No," Rick said.  "Twice."  He put the carrier down.

The others stared at her, making her coo and reach for them.  "I don't deal with your kind, kid," Beckett said dryly.  "You're not mine."

"Her mother didn't leave her name in the note," Rick said.  "We know the mother's name."

"I ran a quick check through the system.  No birth certificate by that mother's name," Ryan told them.  They all groaned.  "Plus all the social workers are on strike.  We have one we can drop her off on but the letter said to have the kid protect her."  He handed it over.  "The desk sergeant's wife brought up some supplies for her since I didn't think we had anything to fit her in storage."

"Probably not," Beckett agreed, rereading it.  She put it down.  "So, what's the plan?  We can't keep her here.  There's no telling who we'll have to bring in to question."  She looked at Xander, who was looking horrified again.  "They're not that scary."

"You're scared of them too," he pointed out, starting to pout.  They were laughing at him.  He knew they were.

"Not scared, just not the maternal sort," she corrected.

"Like I am?  What am I going to do with a baby?  Toss a fuzzy mouse for it?  Feed it kitten chow?  Give it belly rubs while I clean guns?"

"Calm down.  I'd never leave a kid in only your custody, kid," Rick assured him patiently.  "You start to write and forget to eat and things."  The boy relaxed at that.  "We'll figure this out and see if her mom can take her back."

"She dropped the kid off," Beckett said.  "That means social services would have to decide that."

"She thought she had a good reason if something or someone is after the kid," Rick countered.  "She did give her to someone to protect her."

"Or so the note says.  Who knows what the mother was thinking."  Tara came off the elevator and walked over, smiling at the cooing baby.  She picked her up to cuddle.  "There, she's maternal."  She got back to her current case before she made an idiot of herself cooing over the baby.

Xander looked at her.  "The cats tried to adopt her."

"They'll get over it once she makes a stink like their litterbox," Tara assured him, walking closer.  She saw the panicked look and patted him on the head.  "She's not a demon."

"She crapped slime," he countered.

Tara rolled her eyes.  "She did not."  She sat down, holding the baby.  "Do we know the mother?"  Xander shook his head.  "Then why ask you?"

"I called Patrick.  He didn't know either."  He shrugged, looking at her.  "She's cute.  She obviously thinks you're made of bottles too."

She looked and shifted the baby, who set off a wail that made everyone on the floor stare at them in horror.  "Food?" she asked the staring detectives.  Xander took the baby and stared at her until she quit howling.  She stared at him too. "That's a cute trick."

"I do it to the kittens when they wake me up so they can have the warm spot on the bed."  He put her on his lap.  "I have no idea what you eat."

"Bottles," Rick said, taking the one from the care package and going to make her something to eat.  He came back with a bottle.  Xander knew what that was from feeding the kittens so he fed her.  She appreciated it and he settled in to stare at her while she ate.

Tara patted him on the arm.  "We are not keeping her," she said quietly.

"I'd let her nap with the kittens," he joked quietly.

"That might hurt her," Rick said.  He looked over.  "I forgot you had to bottle feed the kittens."  He got back to the case at hand.

Xander looked over.  "Why are you thinking a human did a Fryanth ritual?  And if one did, did she drink the blood like they do?"

Becket stared at him for a minute.  "No, she didn't.  She just made him pretty by the note she wrote on the walls."

"Huh.  That's unusual."  He pointed at one symbol.  "That's a demon universal symbol for child."  He shrugged and went back to staring at her.  She stared back, idly sucking.  "Do you burp babies since you don't do it to kittens?" he asked Tara quietly.  She nodded, taking her to do that.  She, of course, needed a clean shirt a minute later.

He grinned as she huffed and let her have his overshirt to change into while he took her back to finish off the bottle.  She was happier with that and he was a happy babysitter he guessed.  At least until she wet the diaper they had struggled to put on her.  He gave her a horrified look.  "Did you have to do that?  Is it mandatory?  Some rule I didn't know about before I fed you?"

Ryan turned to hide his snickering.  "Castle…."

"I showed him with the last one."   Tara gave him a dirty look.  "I'm beyond my baby changing days until I become the hippest grandfather some decade in the future."

"Alexis can babysit," Beckett offered.

"Egg babies were enough," he said impatiently.

Xander looked at her.  "I'll try but don't do anything to me if it's not good, okay?"  He got up carefully, carrying her like she was going to explode or something.  He had heard of babies exploding in their diapers so he'd be just as careful as he was when he built bombs.  The others could laugh if they wanted but he had seen things on babies being dangerous.

Beckett shook her head.  "Do we have a plan for tonight, Ryan?"

"Not yet.  I'm waiting to see if the social worker on call shows up.  I know they have to have someone for kids who're dropped off or are taken out of a home by an officer."  He shrugged.  "So far he's only panicked a bit."

"So would I," Tara admitted.  "We're not used to squishy feeling things beyond kitties."  She stood up.  "I should check on him."

Rick smirked.  "He's fine, Tara.  Probably teasing her or something."  He went back to the board.  "Where can we find this ritual?"  She looked it up online for him.  He compared them.  "Pretty close," he decided.  He showed the others.

"Could be coincidence but how hard is this to find if you don't know what you're looking for?" Beckett asked Tara.

She shrugged a bit.  "I found it looking up ritual magic.  Technically it's a ritual sacrifice for the clan's wealth and fertility."

"So it's not hard to find?" Beckett guessed.

"It's not in English," Castle told her.  She read it over, grimacing some.  "Latin is probably a common language for that stuff?" he asked her.  She nodded with a smile.  "So we've got to narrow it down.  She has to at least read Latin or know about this stuff.  Have there been any new women in the poker circle?"

"I haven't been in months," she admitted.  She looked around.  "He's taking a long time."  She got up but Xander came back with a soda and a bag of cookies for himself.  "She can't eat those."

"I didn't get breakfast," he complained.  He sat down carefully, her in his lap while he nibbled.  She stared so he let her lick a chocolate chip crumb off his finger.

"She's too young to eat cookies," Tara said firmly.

He stared at her.  "When did you start getting Willow's PMS?" he asked patiently.  She huffed.  "You only need the red hair, Tara.  Are you pregnant too?"  She shook her head slowly.  "Then would you kindly explain how my last set of ho-hos became hot pepper covered?"  She went pale.  "If it's not you, she's been temping in your body for a while, huh?"  He ate another cookie and the baby cooed so he dipped his finger into the soda, letting her suck it off.  She squealed in happiness at that.

Espisito looked over at the loud squeal.  "Are we sure she's not his?"

"Can't be.  DNA contamination means I'm not compatible," Xander said with an evil smirk.  "Can we run her mother through LA and Sunnydale lists?"  Ryan nodded, moving to do that simple search.  He smirked suddenly at them.  "Which one?"  He finished his cookies.

"LA."  He came over to look at her.  "Your name is Rebecca Mae Hastlet."

Xander looked at her.  "Hi, Rebecca."  She wiggled and waved her hands, cooing at him.  "Mom someone I worked with when I was part-time at the hotel?"

Castle looked.  "She's listed as employed at the usual convention hotel," he admitted, looking at him.  "So she probably saw you being all macho last time when we nearly got invaded."  He shook his head.  Beckett gave him a confused look.  "Some addict decided we were all rich people.  Came in with a double barreled, sawed off shotgun.  Xander drew his attention by kicking his butt around the lobby.  Then he stared at him and told him very simply to leave before he had him handed over to some nice cannibals he knew who'd *adore* him for the seasoning and the new bruises marinating him."  She shuddered.

"He threatened Paula," Xander said dryly.  "Then no one would love my stories."  He looked down at her, dipping his finger in the soda again to let her suck it off.  "How's that?"   She wiggled and squealed some more.  The Captain finally got back from wherever he had been forced to be bored at the meeting.  You could tell by the look on his face and the way his shoulders were slumped.  He heard the squeal and looked around.  Everyone pointed at Xander.  "Someone dropped her on my doorstep so I'd protect her.  I have no idea what to do with baby anythings outside of kittens and I doubt she'd play the fuzzy mouse game."

"I don't know if babies play fetch or not," Tara admitted, considering it.

Rick nodded.  "Alexis did for months on end, and chased a ball too."  They all grinned at him.  "Is she crawling?"

Xander looked at him.  "How would I know?  You've had the kid."

"Good point, though a bad mental image just started," he said, rubbing his forehead.  "Keep your muses to yourself, kid."

"Sorry.  Is that the Mpreg bunny I got hit with earlier?"

"Yes, damn it," he muttered, walking off shaking his head quickly to clear it.

The detectives all looked at Xander.  "You know that's not possible, right?" Beckett asked finally.

"The muses said magic can work that way."

Tara nodded.  "Willow did it to Fred's iguana."

They all walked off shaking their heads to join Castle outside to clear their minds with the smog from the constant traffic.  "Willow actually did it," she told him.

Castle held up a hand.  "I don't want to know but I knew that.  Alexis read that letter and told me.  I seriously drank myself to sleep for the first time in years."

The captain finally looked at them.  "How?"

"Rosenburg," Castle said.  That topic had come up once upon a time, way back when they had barely known the kid.

"Never mind."  He shook his head again.  "Any idea what we're doing with the baby situation tonight?"

Ryan shrugged.  "I followed protocol and got told there's a strike."

"I heard that earlier at the meeting with the Chief, who was throwing a fit with the head of the union who suggested we support them."

"Then I can almost guarantee the kid will put on a batman suit and go help the people we couldn't while we were out with the Blue Flu," Beckett said dryly.

"I told him about that.  The head of the union thought he sounded like a nice kid we should recruit."  They all moaned and shook their heads.  "Yeah, that was my reaction too.  So we are going to support without joining in this time."   He finished his coffee.  "Do we think the kids can handle the baby?"

"No," Ryan said.

"Maybe," Castle said.  "They did hand-raise the kittens."

"That would require bathing them," Beckett pointed out.  "They can't really wrap her in a towel to bathe her without being cut up by her claws."

"Tara would probably take a bath and sit her on her lap," Castle said.

"You could let Alexis babysit," Ryan offered.  "At their place so you didn't have to remember her being that tiny."

"Maybe," he sighed.  "She'd probably be squealy and happy."  He texted his daughter, who indeed did squeal.  "I have the feeling we'll be having ringing ears soon."  He put his phone back into his pocket.  "Think it's safe to go back up there?"

"I think I'm due for a beer later," Beckett admitted.  "Did he really panic because of a baby?"

"He has no idea what to do with one," Ryan told her.  "He was so sure she wouldn't like belly rubs while he cleaned his guns."

She stared at him.  "His cats will let him do that?"

"Yup," Rick said.  "I've seen him do it."  He went back inside.  "Kids."  They looked up from staring at the baby.  "Alexis is coming."  Tara beamed at him for that fact.  "We're trying to decide what's going to happen later.  For right now, can you two handle her tonight?"

"Maybe," Tara admitted.

"We handled all kittens."

She looked at him and nodded.  "We did.  We were exhausted though."

"We can handle one night," he told her.  "Maybe we'll figure out what I'm supposed to be protecting her from."

"True," she agreed.  She looked at Rick, who was starting to scowl.  "If something bad starts to go on, I'll take her with me."

"You'd better."  He looked at the baby again, getting a happy noise and a waved hand.  "Yes, you're adorable, Rebecca."

"She's very wiggly," Tara said.

"Then let's try something so we know how much we have to guard later," Rick said, taking her and putting her on her butt on the floor.  She gave him the strangest look.  "Go ahead."  He pulled out something and tossed it a bit away.  She stared then crawled to it to see if it tasted good.  She beamed so apparently it did.  "Okay, so crawling.  Don't let her pull anything sharp onto her head."  The detectives and captain came back upstairs and gave them an odd look.  Rebecca waved and smiled, going back to chewing on the shiny, tasty thing that had been given to her.

"She's mobile," the captain said.  "Keep her from being stepped on," he ordered, going to hide in his office.

Beckett found something better for her to chew on and traded it for the keys.  The baby was happy with that too so she handed them back, spit and all.  Alexis came off the elevator, bouncing happily and smiling.  "Awww," she cooed.  The baby smiled at her.  She scooped her up to cuddle.  "Did someone mean give you to Xander to make him quit writing?"  She sat down in Beckett's chair, getting cuddled back.  "You're such a good girl."

The Captain looked at Castle.  "At least she'll have a clue what she's doing when it's her turn."  He went back to his office.

Beckett shook her head.  "Too much mush.  Take her back to their place.  You guys can guard her until we can figure something out."  She handed over the plastic bags of supplies.  "Keep Harris from teaching her how to play fetch.  Read to her if you want."  Alexis beamed and then at the baby, getting one back.

"Let's go see what we can rig up."

"Let me know if you're staying over," Rick said, watching his only baby girl turn into the world's fussiest mother before his eyes.  "Enjoy it so I don't become a grandfather anytime soon."  She gave him a dirty look then stuck her tongue out before leaving with the terror twins of New York.

"Did one of your evil girlfriends spawn with you?" one of the detectives coming on shift demanded.

"No, her mommy decided we should guard her," Tara said, giving him a dirty look.  He backed down at that.  They could talk about it later but Tara was not ready to be a mommy yet.  Xander either.  He'd make a good mommy some day but not this week.  So hopefully whatever was coming for the baby it'd be fixed soon.

Rick looked at Beckett.  "Should I be scared?"

"Not yet.  Wait until she has a steady boyfriend before you start worrying about grandkids."  They got back to their homicide.  Harris and Tara had given them some good hints.

***

Alexis opened the door at the knock.  They had texted ahead.  "Hi, Detective Espisito."  She let him in, letting him watch the kid chase after the fuzzy mouse with the kittens, who all huffed at her.  She cooed and tried to pet one but they ducked her and stared some more.  "Aww, it's all right."  She picked up the kitten to pet, making it calm down.  "I promise she won't be mean to you.  Daddy and Tara will save you."  The kitten wiggled so she put it down on a chair.  It hopped off and onto the bookcases to lay down on top of and take a bath.  She grabbed the baby and sat down in the chair instead.  "Do we have news?"

"Are they off saving the city?"

"Getting a few groceries of stuff she can eat."

"May be a good idea."  He sat down too.  "How're you doing with her?"

"She's so sweet, but diapers are the best birth control ever."  He grinned at that.  "I called my grandmother and father to tell them that and they both sighed in relief I'm sure."

"We wondered why he sighed like that."  She giggled.  The baby laughed too.  The other cats were safely out of harm's way so she let the baby down again, watching her crawl off to babble at the tv.  Xander and Tara came in with two bags each.  "Well, we heard from the social worker."

"Is it bad news?" Tara asked.  "She's very sweet."  She sat down and the baby crawled over to cuddle her ankle.  "Hi, Rebecca."  She patted her on the head.  "She'll even play the fuzzy mouse game."

The detective watched the baby crawl off after one that Alexis tossed, shaking his head.   "Your dad said you used to play fetch too, kiddo."  He looked at them.  "For tonight, we're going to leave her in your custody.  Try to figure out what is threatening her?"

"Her daddy," Xander said.  "I called back out there to a few contacts, one of whom went to talk to her mommy.   Apparently daddy was being all stalkery.  He threatened to kill her mommy and kidnap the baby."  The detective nodded at that.  "So she's in better hiding and the contact got her to a detective I worked with on the girlfriend things.  He's working on how to get him for it."  That got another nod.  "I emailed it to Beckett."

"She's been out of the office again since you guys left," he admitted.  "I'll get that from her email in a bit so we can alert the airlines."  He smiled at the girl.  "Is her mother coming back for her?"

"Yeah, in a few days.  They think it shouldn't take more than a few days to get him," Tara said.  The baby fussed so she picked her up to cuddle, getting a hug back.  She patted her on the butt.  "Did you wet that again?" she asked, smiling at her.  "That's very nice of you."  She went to change her.  "Just tonight?"

"We'll see.  They're overloaded, like usual," he admitted.  He looked at the kid.  "Less panicky now?"

"A little bit."

"Good."  He smirked.  "Castle will check on you guys in the morning.  Alexis, he told me to remind you to call if you're going to be here all night."

"I know."  He grinned so she smirked back.  "He's paranoid."

"Now and then I think all parents get that way.  I know I would."  He looked at the boy.  "Call us if you need help."

"I will.  Thank you."

"Welcome, kid."  He left, going back to the office.  Beckett was growling at his computer.  "The kids emailed you what they got out of the mother."  She got into it and read it over, growling for a different reason.  He read it over her shoulder.  "Sounds like the father needs a bat to the head."

"Probably."  She found a number and called them to put the father on the no-fly list, that he was wanted for assault and attempted kidnaping and homicide charges.  Then she printed it for her boss.  He got a copy for the report.  It was better now.  They could get back to the normal work.  "Are they all right?"

"They're fine and the baby will play the fuzzy mouse fetch game."  She smiled, shaking her head.  "They ran out to get some baby food while Alexis babysat.  I told them Castle would check in the morning."

"That's fine.  He might even have an emergency key."  She got back to her paperwork.  The baby was sweet but she wasn't the motherly sort yet.  Maybe in a few decades.  Her minion was grinning.  "What?"

He smirked at her.  "Alexis had that 'need to prank the father' look on her face."

"He'll have a heart attack."

"Maybe."  He went back to his own reports.  "It could've been worse.  It could've been his kid.  It might already like guns and all that."

She shuddered.  "Don't give me that bad thought.  I'll need to drink myself to sleep."

"Sure."  He snickered when she walked off to get more coffee to clear her mind.  It was fun when she got that look on her face.

***

Paula came over later that night, finding a few extra people for dinner.  "Where did we find her?" she asked calmly.

"She got left by her mommy for Xander to protect while she fought the evil father," Tara said.  "The detectives know."

"Then why isn't she in social services custody?"

"They're on strike," Alexis told her.  "Plus they might not be able to protect her.  They've already talked to the people in LA and all that."  Paula relaxed.  "They don't want to keep her."

"She's got messy butt syndrome way too often," Xander agreed, smiling at the baby.  "It's good practice for Willow's upcoming spawn."

"Uh-huh," Paula said.  "Did we get anything done today, Xander?  Like that rewrite?"

"I sent it by courier the other day, Paula."

"I didn't get it."

Xander shrugged, going to find the receipt to hand her.  That way she could call about it.  "No, it went to Donnie I think."

"I'll check with him."  She took it anyway.  "Anything else get done today?"

"No, I was fighting the bad ideas," he admitted.  "Things like MPreg bunnies."

She shuddered.  "That would never sell, Xander."

"I know."

"Thank you."  She sat down to stare at the baby, who was staring back.  "She seems pretty smart."

"She plays fetch like a kitty cat," Tara said with a grin.

"I'm sure she does."  She looked at Alexis.  "Babysitting?"

"Yup, and helping."  She grinned back.  "Dad's totally freaking out."

"I heard.  I called him an hour ago and he was mumbling at his laptop."  Alexis laughed, shaking her head.  "Fine.  I'll find that and let you know what they think, Xander."  She left before the mushiness infected her.  She didn't want maternal feelings.

Tara shrugged when Alexis giggled.  "Not everyone wants to be a mommy.  I don't for another decade or so."  Xander patted her on the back.  "Thanks."

"It's good practice for when you babysit for Willow."

"Yes it is."   She went to call and talk to her.  She needed some girlfriend understanding and to brag about how good she was at changing diapers now.

***

Alexis opened the door late that night.  "Grandma."  She let her in, checking for the kittens.  "Did something happen?"

"Did you and Tara get sucked into a project?" she asked.

"I called."

"Your father is still worrying grandly at his laptop.  One of his characters just had an unannounced, out of character, pregnancy scare."

"Xander got a baby dropped on the doorstep earlier to protec her."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because the mommy was nearly killed by the daddy and she knew he'd protect her.  I've been helping when they got confused."

"Oh.  Well, come home for the night."

"She's down and I was going to stay over.  I told Dad that."

"He's still worrying about you wanting one."

"No thank you.  Diapers are gross.  Babies get heavy to carry around after a while too."  Her grandmother nodded.  "It's fine."  She pointed.  "See, baby."

She looked.  "Crawling?"  Alexis smiled and nodded.  "Fine.  You should still come home this time.  That way you don't get attached."

"I know I'm only helping babysit.  Mostly I've played with the jealous kittens so they don't try to take the fuzzy mice from her."

Her grandmother rolled her eyes.  "Not the point, dear."

Tara came out in her jammies.  "It's all right, Meredith.  We'll make sure she doesn't get too attached, the same as she's doing for us."

"Tara, dear, I still think you should date more often."

"I've tried but I haven't found many nice girls."

"I'll see if there's a lesbian dance or something coming up.  One of the production team on my current play goes to those."  She looked at her granddaughter.  "Do not pout."

"I won't.  But I might prank Dad."

"He'll die of his stroke, dear.  Please don't."

"I'd never be that mean."  Tara nodded so she got her stuff and left after patting the baby on the head.  "She's very sweet."

"Which is the problem.  Sweet babies make you want to have one of your own."

"I'm not ready for that yet.  I'm not even dating," she reminded her grandmother.  "Plus I have more sense."

"Dear, I babysitted some and ended up with your father.  Those things can just happen out of nowhere."

"It won't.  I promise it won't."  They made it home a few minutes later and she went to check on her father.  "Grandmother's worried I'll want one."

Her father looked at her.  "So am I."

"Diapers are still gross and babies are heavy to carry around."  He smiled.  "Even if she's sweet I know I'm not ready yet.  I don't have a job that will pay for fuzzy mice for one."  He relaxed.  "Now, can you quit being so paranoid?  We all know I'm the good, sensible girl in this family."

"Your grandmother found something on your desk looking for your laundry," he said dryly.

"That is for one of my fellow students," she said bluntly.  He sighed in relief.  "Not mine."

"Thank god."  She gave him a hug.  "Give me at least a decade?"

"I have to graduate college, find a real job, and then a boyfriend, Dad.  Quit worrying."

"Fine."

"Grandma said that you wrote a pregnancy scare?"

"I've already cut it out," he assured her.  She kissed him on the cheek and went to her room.  Castle relaxed.  It was good she didn't need that information on adoption she had in her room.

***

Alexis and Rick both showed up to check on the trio the next morning.  Rick knocked and Tara let him in.  "Tara, why do you have blood on your stomach?" he asked.

She looked and then around, counting furry noses and one not so furry nose.  She went to check in her bedroom, grumbling as she came back to hand over the dead bird.  Then she went back to bed.

Alexis carefully tossed it out and went to check on the baby.  Rick got Xander up.  He had a few other dead things in his bed.  "Hey, Xander?" he asked.  He flinched awake.  "The kittens are hunting."

He looked then at him.  "There's none of those in this building.  I think they were presents from someone else."  He got up and went to his bathroom.  "Give me ten.  Is the baby awake?"

"Probably."  He went to check.  Yeah, she was cooing at Alexis and her magical feeding hands.  She was awfully sweet.  He kept reminding himself how many problems Alexis had when she was a baby to stomp on the 'want one' feeling.  Xander came out.  "Any idea who left you presents like a dead snake?"

"Yeah.  I'll talk to her later."

"New girlfriend?" Alexis teased.

"Old girlfriend."   He took the spoon and fed her, making her happy and giggle.  "Morning, Rebecca."  She squealed and got happy.  Tara came out redressed and more awake.  "I think it was Toler's daughter."

"I'll talk to her later.  You can't date her.  She'll want to eat the kittens."  She got some water started for tea and looked at Rick.  "Any idea if they're coming for her today?"

"I can check when we get to the station.  We stopped to check on you two first."  He patted the baby on the head.  "Let us run away before we get mushy, kids."  He and his daughter left.

Xander looked at the baby.  "He's just scared of your diapers, huh?"  Tara laughed but nodded.  They'd handle it, the same as usual.  She was very sweet for them.

***

Beckett met the mother, making herself not wince at her bruises.  "Did they arrest him?"

"About an hour ago," she said, smiling.  "Is Rebecca all right?"

"She's fine.  We've been checking on her."  She took her to Xander's place.  She had called ahead so they had stuff packed.  Tara opened the door holding the fussy baby.  "Bad time?"

"We put up the toys.  She wanted to play."  She let them in, handing the baby back.  "She was a good girl for us.  She ate bananas and spinach, she had a bottle of formula about an hour ago with her spinach.  She napped very well in the chair."  She smoothed down some hair.  "We had a good shower this morning and she loved it."

"Thank you, Tara."  She gave her a hug then Xander one.  "Thank you for protecting her for me."

"Not a problem," Xander assured her.  "She was a good girl and it's good practice for when a friend has her own."  The mother nodded, taking the bag and walking off.  Beckett took her back to the airport.  Xander looked at her.  "Now we need to get new kitty toys."

"We can do that.  We're out of kitten chow anyway."  They nodded and went to the pet store.  The cats wouldn't play with a kitten toy the baby had drooled on.  Her mother would wonder later at the new fuzzy mice her daughter had but she seemed to like them so she left it alone.

***

Xander got the mail and found a box waiting on him.  He took it upstairs and sat down to look it over before opening it.  He was always careful about those sort of things.   Inside the box was a large medallion, not attached to a necklace, and a note.  'For your shelves.'  He hummed and looked it over.  Then he decided it probably belonged in that brain warping warehouse he had inherited.  He really had to deal with the other things he had inherited.  Before they drove him nuts, gathered more friends he'd have to deal with, or made him act like a responsible adult again.

He hated it when things made him break back into 'hunter Xander' mode these days.  People freaked out and gave him odd looks.  Then it'd probably hurt his book sales.  He put the box aside and got to the other mail.  Electric bill they had forgotten to pay.  It was a shutoff notice so he got into the bank account and paid it.  Then the other bills since they had forgotten somehow.  He'd talk to Tara about that later.  He had some elf smut to work on.

***

Tara walked in and felt the magic waiting.  She walked over to the box and shielded it.  "Clearly an artifact," she muttered.

Xander didn't look up from typing.  "We forgot to pay the electric and stuff.  I got the shut-off dealt with."

"I have no idea how we forgot.  I thought I had it on auto-draft."

"That's magical?"

"Yup."

"Bad?"

"Not great.   Possibly warping.  I shielded it."

"Wonderful.  I'm pretty sure it's for the warehouse."

She snorted.  "That warehouse is going to drive me to drink."  She went to change, which woke the kittens up.  She came back and got the box, putting it outside on the small balcony.  Suddenly the kittens were less sleepy, Xander was typing faster, and she felt less tired too.  Yeah, someone was going to have to deal with that thing.  Quickly.  She sat down beside him to open her own laptop and check on that autodraft.  It should've paid it automatically.  Something was seriously wrong there.  "Huh.  Hacker."

Xander looked at her.  "Missing stuff?"

"No.  Just canceled things."

"Willow?" he guessed.

"No.  I don't think so."  She checked things over.  "If so, I'm spanking.  By the way, they stopped your monthly auto payment to the utility account."

He grumbled something dirty under his breath and the amulet outside went off in a shower of sparks.  They looked then at each other, shrugging.  Whoever had done it was probably sore right now.

***

Five hours later, Beckett was called to the ER to see why her homicide victim was there.  It turned out someone had hot glued fur to his full body and put fake paws on his hands and feet before making him choke on a cat toy.  Interesting.  She looked at the nurse.  "Was he conscious enough to answer questions?"

"He glued his costume on but someone else choked him.  He told the paramedics he choked right before he called.  The paramedics helped that and then he was having some sort of allergic reaction that finished him off.  I'm not sure what his girlfriend was thinking...."  She looked at the body then at her.  "I'm not sure I want to know what she was thinking," she admitted.  "I hope the ME has a lot of fun with the fur.  It's on his skin."  She walked off, finishing off the chart.

Beckett stared at the body, calling her ME buddy.  "Lanie, you won't believe this one.  ER case, yeah.  Please."  She hung up and stared.  This was just...strange.  Not even the kid could write this strange and Castle clearly couldn't.  Lanie showed up, giving the body a strange look.  "His girlfriend choked him and somehow when they got that solved he died of an allergic reaction to something."

"Why is he furry?"

"The nurse said he told the paramedics he did it himself.  She said it's on his skin and wanted you to have a lot of fun."

Lanie looked at her.  "I don't think that's going to be all that fun."  She got her body haulers to take the body.  They gave it an odd look too but this was New York.  They'd seen stranger things panhandling in Central Park.  She followed shaking her head.  Beckett followed to the desk to get his belongings and the address so they could check his house.

***

Castle came in the next day.  "You didn't call?"

"We picked him up at the ER," she told him, handing over the pictures from the ER nurse.

He looked at it.  "A furry?"

"Glued directly on his skin," she told him.  "Then choked by his girlfriend."

"Did he lose some sort of major bet?" he guessed.

"I don't know.  Lanie's still swearing at the glue."  They went to talk to her to see if they had any idea what he had been allergic to.  "Lanie?" she asked as she walked in.

"Mr. Furry is in the freezer so I can chip that glue off him."

"Elmer's, wood glue?" Castle asked.

"Hot glue gun glue," she said with a grimace.  "Poor boy did that part to himself."

He looked at the pictures then at her.  "Did he leave bare spots?"

"No.  He glued the sheath over his penis too."  Castle flinched and nearly curled up around his midsection.   "Yeah, he was dumb."  She smirked at her buddy.  "The choking thing, we got from the hospital.  The paramedics brought it in.  Apparently he was a kitty."  She held up the bagged ball toy.

Beckett took it to look over.  "Any idea what ended up killing him?"

"Yup.  The catnip inside that was laced with a poison.  Whoever Mr. Kitty's girlfriend was, she was probably embarrassed."  She went to look in the freezer.  "Still too bonded to pry off so we can get a positive ID to him."

"Let us know if you get him free of fur," Beckett said.  "Poison was what?"  Lanie handed over that printout.  "Thanks."  She walked off.

"Poor girl ruined my night in the tub with a good book and some wine," she told Castle with an evil smirk.

"Those are good nights."  He left, shaking his head.  "I can't write people that strange."

"The kid can't either," she assured him.

"You never know about Xander."   He got a text message.  "Huh.  Tara said that the hacker who broke into their bank accounts to stop their automated payments to the utility companies is going to be sorry."

"That sorry?" she asked.

"No.  Bad rash, really bad hair, knowing that they know and he's screwed if he does it again sort.  Teenager revenge, not total revenge."

"Fine.  If they find them, let me know."

"I will."  He looked back there then at her.  "Didn't that hurt him to glue those on?"

"Yup," she said.  "Hot glue hurts worse than hot wax.  The other two are heading to his apartment.  We can meet them there."  They went to the car, her driving, and drove uptown to his apartment.  They walked in and the two minions were grimacing around.  She looked at the pictures.  "Lanie can't get the fur off yet."

"Found the glue gun," Espisito said, holding up the bag.   "He used most of a package of glue sticks."  He held up that bag.

She nodded.  "With that much craftwork, I don't doubt it."  The guys all shuddered.

"Any signs of drugs?" Castle asked.

"Well, he wrote online," Ryan said.  "His computer was running.  Nothing's too well written, has many remarks, and the three stories aren't my sort of reading pleasure."

Castle looked at them.  "Bad, very bad.  Fanfiction.net too.  Some are decent on there but others......  Twelve-year-old girls writing what they want to do to the characters."  He sighed.  "He's in the really horrible category.  His bio states that there's mistakes in things because he had a public education."  He shook his head.  "I can't even look at a paragraph it's so bad."

Beckett read over his arm, nodding.  "Definitely horrible."  She went to look in the bedroom.  "Lanie said the girlfriend poisoned the catnip.  Anyone seen a container?"

"Yeah," Ryan called, finding the container he had wondered at in the trash to hand to her.  She grimaced at it.  "Organic," he joked.  "Not the cheap stuff."

She bagged it.  "Maybe it has traces of the poison."  Castle looked at the computer then got into the browser history.  "Anything interesting?"

"Instructions on how to make a furry costume.  A personal site that he has favorited."  He opened that one.  "Huh."  He let her see it.  She winced and shook her head.  Then he got into another one.  "He's a fan of the space vampire series Xander writes.  He's got the book's page linked to.  And...."  He got into the other one.  "He has this one listed under the name 'girlfriend'."  He let her see it.

"That's Tara," she said.

"That is Tara."

"Any indication of hacking software?" she asked.

"No.  Word processing, a few games.  Nothing else."  He looked around.  "Any portable drives?  He's on World of Warcraft."  They looked and found nothing.  "So he's not that sort of computer geek."

"I wonder if Tara knows him," Ryan said.  He called the girl's cellphone.  They had stored her number in case more fangirls stole some of them.  Xander didn't always hear his phone when it was anyone besides Tara.  She probably zapped him magically whenever she called or something equally mind bending.

***

Tara walked into the precinct that night, looking at the detective staring at her.  "What happened?"

Beckett pointed.  "Do you know him, Tara?"

She walked over to look at the picture.  He still had some fur but his face was clear.  "I think he has a library card.  I got it for him the other day."  She looked at her.  "He has three books out if I remember right."  Ryan handed over that bag, making her smile.  "Is it okay if they go back?"

"Yup," he agreed with a small smile.  "We already processed them."  Ryan leaned closer.  "The problem is that he had a link to your journal site you did for a class labeled as 'girlfriend'."  She cackled, shaking her head.  "Did you ever see him outside of checking out books?"

She looked then shook her head.  "I don't remember him from LA or Sunnydale."

"So he got hooked, came in to stalk you at the library," Espisito said.  "Good to know."  She gave him an odd look.  "You're a pretty girl, Tara.  He might've been hitting on you.  You're just too nice to notice," he assured her.

"No, I usually realize it and subtly discourage them.   I...  I'm not really into boys."

"We know," he assured her with a smile.  "Can you get us his records?"

"I can ask my boss."  She moved to call her, talking quietly.  She hung up and nodded.  "She'll ready it so someone can pick it up."

"Thank you, Tara.  Did he ever talk to you?" Ryan asked.

"No.  Not that I remember.  He smiled shyly when I checked out his last load of books.  I thought it was because he had one of Xander's in his stack."  She shrugged a bit.  "I don't know.  He never asked for an autograph or really talked to me that I remember.  He had one overdue but it was only by about a day."  He paid the quarter fine then and there with a pouty face when Marcia told him."

"We'll figure it out," Beckett assured her with a smile and a pat on the arm.  The girl relaxed and smiled, nodding.  "We'll let you know if he was stalking or anything."

"Thank you."  Tara left, going to call Willow on the way home.  That was strange and she wanted more girlish advice.  If he had been alive she'd be freaked out badly.  If she told Xander the guy's spirit would be robbed of an afterlife so she wouldn't tell him.

***

Xander met with someone at a coffee shop up the road from their apartment, totally by accident.  He had no idea why she had tracked him down.  "Hi," he said, smiling at her.  He recognized her from a few signings.  "Caffeine addiction?" he joked.

"Coming to find you."  She handed over an envelope.  "Someone posted that online about Tara," she said quietly, glancing around then at him.  "We thought you should know before someone gets too close to her, Mr. Harris."

He gave her a one-armed hug.  "Thank you."  She beamed and bounced off.  He sat down to sip his drink and read the notes.  "That's not good."  He bundled it back into the envelope and went to catch a cab to the precinct.  The desk guy gave him a long stare.  "Someone's stalking Tara."

He handed over a visitor badge.  "Thank you for turning them in, Mr. Harris.  That's very nice of you," he praised.

Xander grinned.  "I hope I don't have to handle it for her.  She'll swat.  Hard."  He went up to the room, letting Castle take his coffee to sip.  "I only let girlfriends do that," he joked, bopping him with the envelope.  "One of my fans found me feeding my caffeine habit."

"It's strange with the chocolate," he complained but sipped it anyway.  "Thanks, kid.  I needed this."

"You need this too."  He hit him again on the arm with the envelope, letting him take it.  "She found me to give me that."

He read it over, waving it as he got another drink.   Beckett got it, sipping her own coffee from her mug.  She grimaced, swallowing.  "Thank you, Xander."

He grinned.  "Up all night?"

"Our current victim is a bit...odd," she admitted.  "Probably the same person."

Xander looked at the date.  "She printed it last night."  She looked and moaned, going to look up the address written across the top sheet.  He grinned at the minions.  "Can I help, guys?"

"No," they said.

"Fine."  He looked at Rick.  "You're welcome for the coffee too."

"Thanks, kiddo.  Have a good day."

He rolled his eyes.  "I need something to take my mind off Tral smut.  He's taking over the current book with it."  He walked off.

"Shop, make Paula happy," Rick called after him.

"Eww."

"Yay.  Interview next week," he quipped.

"Yay me."  He got in the elevator, going to hand in the badge and go find the dry cleaners.  They had all his good clothes at the moment.  His debit card declined so he went back to the station after charging it to his other one and sending it home.  He took Rick's laptop once he got up there, opening a new window and getting into his account.  "Whoever this idiot is, they canceled my debit card."  He handed it back, staring at him.  "Same one probably."

Rick read over the recent transactions.  "They're not taking any out."

"That could be the same person," Beckett offered.  "If they're interested in Tara, they could see you as a threat."

He looked at her.  "Yes, I am."  She snickered.  "Seriously."  He looked at the others then at her.  "Can you find them and ask them before I find them and ask them?"

"Definitely.  Let us handle it."  He nodded and left again.  "Print that before it times out, Castle."  He did that and let her have it.  She looked it over.  "They're being annoying but not withdrawing any."

"Rosenburg is a hacker, why hasn't he asked her for her help?" Ryan asked.

"She's four months along," Rick told him.  He shuddered.  "Yeah, I'm not going to risk that."  An IM message popped up saying the person wasn't either.  Ryan called someone while Beckett answered and warned him off.   He laughed.  Then he disappeared.

"Anything?" she asked.

"Slightly.  Computer crimes is tracking it for you."  He hung up.  "Think it's the same person as whoever wanted Tara?"

Rick handed him the print-outs.  They both read it while he looked at Beckett.  "Any idea?"

"No, not yet."  She called Tara down to talk to her.  Her boss was worried when she said she had evidence of a stalker but she reassured her it was being handled.

***

Willow got an email from someone and grimaced.  "Tara has a what?" she muttered, opening it.  She growled.

Gunn looked at her from across the room, slowly inching toward Fred's office.  Fred was giving her a worried look too.  He pointed.  She went to find Daniel and Wesley.  "Willow, should we call Buffy?" he called from the safer place.

"There's no need.  Tara has a stalker."  She beamed at him and then disappeared.  She landed behind Beckett, snatching the laptop and sitting down to look at things.  She got a message through to Oz, he was back in the US again, and he helped her.  He kept more in date with his hacking skills.  Finally they had the person and she could make them sorry.

"Magic while pregnant can't be good for it," Rick said quietly in her ear.   She glared at him.  "We can arrest him.  Xander asked for help so we can arrest him."

"He should pay."

"He will pay in jail," he assured her.  "If not, then you can have him."  She huffed.  "It can hurt the baby, Willow.  You have to think of her right now."

She typed that at Oz, who agreed and congratulated her about the baby.  They chatted for a few minutes then he sent them to the local detectives.  "Fine.  If he doesn't get buttsex in jail from all the big, overly muscled cons who want to rape little kitty boys like him, then he's mine."  She pouted and disappeared.

Rick relaxed into a chair, looking at them.  "She was collaborating with a friend."

"Everyone check their emails.  I don't know who they sent it to," she called.  The other detectives looked and one found it, printing it and handing it over, then forwarding it.  "Thank you."  She read it over, it was a lot of information on that person.  "It's our victim.  Only he's dead."

"Twins?" Ryan guessed.

"Faked death?" Espisito offered.

"Who knows," Beckett said.  "Find them."  They took the information to find the new idiot of the day.  Because Xander was going to destroy them for this; clearly they were stupid people.

Rick looked at Beckett once he had calmed down.  "I'm not a pet."

"I saw that.  Good job."

"Thanks.  I'm glad I remembered what mood swings were like."  She smirked at him.  "Alexis' mother had a few very bad ones and I'm glad she couldn't do the same thing.  I never would've made the top ten list that way."

"Can't type with paws," Ryan agreed with a grin for him.

Espisito answered his phone.  "Yeah?"  He listened.  "Please send her up.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Tara's here.  Looking scary."

They all nodded and gave her the notes Xander had brought in when she came near them.  They weren't sure why her hair was blowing in a breeze none of them felt, or her clothes, but it probably meant bad things for someone.  She growled and looked, getting Xander and his current coffee and a kitten on his shoulder.  Rick took the coffee, handing the kitten to Beckett.  "Willow handled the hacker," he told them.

Xander looked at the information.  "Huh."  He looked at her.  "I have something in the warehouse."

"Of course you do.  I can't take it without telling you.  That's unethical."

He shrugged.  "Bum away, Tara."

"No planning on killing them," Beckett ordered.

"I won't."  She smiled.  "That will turn him into a kitty too."

"Then maybe I'll go play poker with him," Xander quipped.

"No," Rick and Beckett said in unison.  "That's evil."

"Fine," he muttered.  He looked at her.  "So?"

"No changing them.  We can arrest them," Beckett ordered.  Tara huffed.

"Tara, let us arrest him.  We promise, if he gets off, you and Willow and whoever can have him," Ryan soothed, coming over to calm her down.  She glared.  He stared at her, smiling slightly.  "Willow was pretty scary when she showed up."

"She transported?" she demanded, looking pissed.  "That's not good for my goddaughter!"  She pulled out her cellphone to call her.  "Get him or I will."  She huffed off.

Xander nodded.  "What she said."  Tara looked and sent him home.

Beckett looked at the loving little kitten who was trying to nuzzle her ear.  "You're weaned," she complained, getting up to hand her to Tara, who cooed and petted while chewing Willow a new one.  Finally Tara left with the information.  That way she could keep track of him.  That kitty making amulet would be a good thing to have confiscated by the officers.  Ryan knew where it was so he went to get a seizure warrant just in case.  The judge thought it was a joke but his assistant told him about the warehouse.  Apparently it was getting a rep around town somehow.  Maybe she was stalking Xander?  Or maybe she was a peaceful demon?  With that one, he'd take bets on stalking.

TBC...

Chapter 11: Summertime Foolishness

Xander's foolishness, Alexis' foolishness....  All around foolishness.

Castle looked at his mentoree, staring at him.  "I'm going to be gone all summer.  Are you sure you can handle things?"

"I'll be overprotective of her if something happens so you don't have to worry.  I have the pseudo sister's phone and address, plus she has mine in case it's a problem she can't handle.  I have three bad girls who want to take my mind off the current bouts of smut it's going through instead of a story.  We'll be okay.  You take the time to recharge, relax, recuperate."  Castle frowned.  "Not like I didn't notice," he said dryly.  "I've had that look."  That got a rolled eye look.  "Anyway, go.  Shoo.  I'll watch over her for you."

"Thanks, kid."  He patted him on the arm and walked off with his ex-wife/publisher.

"Xander, email me copies," she ordered as they got into the car.

"Yes, mistress," he called sarcastically, waving and smirking.  "Free at last!" he cackled.  They pulled off and he grabbed something, locking his apartment and heading out.  He found the detectives in the office and sat down next to Beckett.  He handed over something.  "My upcoming dates."  He grinned.

She stared at him.  "Must you?"

"Be an overprotective sort?  Yes, apparently it's genetic."  He gave her a pointed look.  "They'll tell me anyway since we guarded you that once."

"Fine, whatever.  I'll see if I can slip in background checks."

Xander grinned.  "I already did two.  They're agents."  He shrugged and stood up.  "Call if you need me?"

"Of course," she sighed.  He grinned and walked off.  "Not that I need that sort of help usually."  The others were staring at her.  "What?" she demanded.

"Nothing.  You could hang out with Tara since Alexis is off all summer too."

"I might.  If I have to rescue Xander from his dates."  She handed them over.  "He said two are agents."

"That doesn't mean they're good," Ryan agreed.  He settled in to do the background checks for the kid.  It was always a wise move with any woman that was attracted to him.

***

It was nearly fall when Xander got the phone call he was dreading.  He answered it.  "Hey, Alexis.  What's up?"  He listened then sighed.  "I can be right there.  Give me thirty?  Well, I'm not in New York," he admitted.  "No, I'm at that thing.  Don't worry about it.  You can take Tara's spot this weekend since she's off with the coven."  He hung up and grabbed his keys, driving to her dorm.  He nodded at the guards.  "Hey, I'm visiting the pseudo sister."

"You have to sign in, sir."  Xander did that and walked up the stairs.  He read the scrawl.  "That's Alexian Harris?" he muttered.  "Huh, he's younger than my daughter thinks."

Xander found the right room and knocked.  She opened it.  "So, I'm in town for the weekend to sign things.  Want to play social secretary and snark at the bad girls?"

"I don't know why I called," she sighed.

He stared at her, tipping her chin up.  She got free and he smirked.  "I think you know why."

"I'm fine."

"Uh-huh."  He walked in and sat her down.  He sat down across from her in the desk chair.  "When I graduated, I went on a roadtrip," he said.  She shrugged, looking confused.  "I planned on seeing each state, all the big attractions, all that.  Unfortunately the car my parents made me buy off my uncle blew up, literally, three hours later in a small town named Oxnard."

"I think I've seen it on a map," she said.  "This has a point, right?"

"Yeah."  He smirked.  "See, there weren't many jobs there.  I ended up working in a strip club.  Supposedly doing dishes most of the time."  She gaped.  "I've seen all sorts of things and won't nark.  Unless it's a dangerous thing that could get you dead, I'm not going to call him."

"I just...."

"Beer or otherwise?"

"Beer," she sighed.  He grinned.  "Don't be smug."

"I'm not.  That slightly bitter aftertaste covers up many sins."

"I know my dad was wild in his youth.  I've drank before."  She got up to pace.  "I don't know what's wrong with me though, Xander.  It's weird."

"It's called being high," he said patiently.  "With the way you're moving, I'd say E."  She stared at him.  "Strip clubs let you learn a lot about humanity, the darker and the lighter sides.  You also see people who have to drink, who have to take drugs to get up on the stage.  You get invited to the cool kids' parties if they like you.  The night I stripped the first time, they all took me to party with me.

"I have no idea what I did for the next three days but I was so sore when I woke up I felt like I'd been hit by a steamroller, and it wasn't sexual."  She flinched.  "Drugs can do very odd things to you," he said quietly.  He stood up.  "Like I said, I'm not going to nark.  Every kid needs some wildness to figure out where their line is drawn."

"I don't think I want to do this again."

"I can understand that.  I had that same reaction to coke."  He heard the pounding and winced.  "That was not me.  Hi, Martha."  He let her in.  "She got some extra stuff in her beer," he said quietly.

"I've had that happen myself."  She came in to look her granddaughter over.  "I was coming to see if you needed to do a bit of shopping, dear.  Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Grandma.  I just... fuzzy headed and feel like I'm coming out of my skin."

"Yes, I had an attempted paramour who did the same thing one night to my champagne at a party," she said dryly.  "Only he gave me LSD and I was quite unaware of anything but the pretty colors."

Xander snickered.  "I remember that.  I actually painted mine out on someone's body.  They took pictures of them because I painted for sixteen hours straight."  Martha gave him an odd look.  "Post grad roadtrip ended up with me working in a strip club because the car turned into a fireball in Oxnard."

She shuddered.  "You poor thing.  How long?"

"Three months and a bit."  He shrugged.  "I told her she could come with me this weekend.  I'm off signing things locally and I can drop her off Sunday night or Monday morning."

Alexis looked at her then at him.  "No nagging?"

"Nope.  But we'll hit a Denny's so you can eat."  She smiled and nodded quickly.  "Pack a backpack."  He smiled at Martha.  "You know she'll be safe with me."

"No dates?" she asked dryly.

"No, two of them canceled because they found out what I used to date.  The other hated being arrested for the attempted satanic rite."  Martha groaned, shaking her head.  "How's Rick?"

"He's doing good.  Writing a lot.  Relaxing some.  Though he's about miserable and trying hard not to be."

"I remember being there.  Right after I sent Anya away."  He helped her pack her shoes since they weren't fitting."  He put her under his arm.  "C'mon, some greasy eggs will be good for that."  He looked at Martha.  "Want to come back to the signing hotel?  It's a really small regional convention."

"I might tomorrow."  She smiled.  "I have a room locally already."

"Cool."  He walked off with Alexis, letting her sign them out.  "I'm taking her for a weekend away."

"Her boyfriend?"

"No, her best friend is my roommate.  I'm her pack mule when the girls shop."  The guard snorted, shaking his head.  "Sorry, I only like evil things and she's much too smart and good for my tastes."

"Satan is much too nice for your tastes and much too sane, Xander," Martha said as she joined them.  She walked them out to the car and watched them drive off before she got into hers and went to her room.  She wouldn't tell her son.  Since it was accidental, Alexis had apparently made a good choice to get backup and help out of the situation.  Though she would have to mention to Xander about not telling her granddaughter about such trips.  She didn't need to know.

***

Xander woke up at two to the pounding, walking over to let the cops in.  "Shh!"  He pointed.  "Someone drugged her at a party," he said quietly.  "I'm her father's mentoree.

"That's very good of you, sir.  The manager was worried you were doing illegal things."

Xander snorted.  "I only like the evil and psychotic things, guys.  Sorry."  Alexis moaned and sat up.  "Someone was worried I'd turn you into an evil chick."

"I've never been that bad in my life, even online roleplaying," she said dryly.

The officer nodded.  "Do you want to press charges?"

"I have no idea which one it was."

"That's fine, miss.  Do you need medical attention?"

"I stuffed her full and watched her pace for a bit," Xander assured him.  They looked at him.  "I had my own post-grad trip."  That got a knowing look.  "That included strip clubs."

"Never mind, you can probably handle it then, sir.  Are you attending the convention?"

"Yes.  But if I tell you more than that, some nosy gossip reporter will tell everyone and her father's going to hear."

"That's fine, sir.  As long as nothing funny's going on."

"No, that's why I'm on the floor and she's not.  She's like a sister."

"Thank you."  He left, going to reassure the people behind the desk.

He closed and locked the door.  "It's good they worry that way."

"Probably worried someone will bring in their underage girlfriend to the convention," she said.  He nodded.  "Do I have to get up?"

He looked.  "It's only two.  Go back to sleep, Alexis."  She nodded, letting him tuck her back in.  He laid back down and stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out if he should share some wisdom of the wild life.  She probably didn't need to hear it he finally decided around five.  He got up and dressed in the bathroom, sneaking down to the in-house restaurant for breakfast for them.  He ran into his editor and winced.  "Donnie, I need a vow of silence," he said quietly, moving next to him.

"Why?  Paula said she heard something had happened."

"Not to me."

"Is someone going to beat you for sleeping with their daughter?"

"No, I'm saving her."

"Oh."  He nodded.  "I won't tell Paula or anyone, Xander."  He grinned.  "What do you have done?"

"Not a damn thing because they've been wanting smut and I can't put that much smut into Tral."  Donnie, his editor, groaned.  "I sent you that part to see if you could split it and put it somewhere.  I seriously need to date."  He walked off with his tray of food and cups of coffee.  "I'll be down in a few hours."

"Okay."  He waved and shook his head, calling her to not tell her anything.  She was used to Xander pulling white knight stuff at the conventions so this wasn't anything new.  Even if the rumor about the police being called was true.  When he saw who was with him he mentally winced.  She gave him a dirty look.  "You good?"

"I'm fine.  Thank you, Donnie."

"Good."  He stared at her.  "I won't say a thing, kiddo.  I remember my years around your age, kinda."  She smiled.  "You sure?"  She nodded.  "Okay.  Then I won't nag you or him."

"He was a nice guy.  He made me sleep on the bed while he slept on the floor."

"Good!"  He walked off with her.  He was trying to get her to become an editor or a publisher.

Xander smirked, shaking his head.  She was in good hands with him.  He went to his assigned table and sat down with a new soda, smiling at the person waiting and bouncing.  "Hi."  She squealed and hugged him then babbled at him while he signed her books.  She kissed him on the forehead and bounced off.  He sipped his soda and got happy with the general air of happy convention going.  It was sorely missed around New York.

***

Xander dropped Alexis off and looked at her.  "You can tell me anything.  Remember that."

"I know.  You're not really a big brother."

He smirked.  "I'm a fantastic big brother sort, Alexis.  I don't even nag and I help you buy leather pants."

"Good point."  She gave him a hug.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  He grinned, watching her walk inside.  He got serious once he was back in the car.  He had heard bad rumors and wanted to deal with it quickly.  Before things got out of hand.  Speeding back to New York wasn't that odd at this time of night after a weekend for half the city's residents.  So he wasn't stopped for speeding or even bothered by a NJ state cop.  He parked in front of the poker hall and got out, walking inside.  "We dead tonight?" he asked the bartender.

"Yeah, there's some freaky stuff.  Everyone's worried."

"I heard on both accounts."  The bartender handed over an envelope.  "Tara?"

"We thought she retired."

"We both supposedly are.  I'll handle it."  He nodded and Xander walked off reading.  "Shit," he muttered.  He got into his car and went to lurk by someone else.  That was totally craptastic and if he stopped one it wouldn't give him the leeway he needed to handle the other.  The other was taking out demons.  She had protectors in her minions.  This was a moral dilemma he hated.  So he decided to go visiting.  He knew where the minions lived.  It wasn't that hard to find them.  He found one out at dinner on a date and winced.  He waited, following him back to his place since he was alone.  Xander grabbed him by the arm and pushed him into the alley they were walking past.  "Hi."

"Harris!  What the hell do you think you're doing!  I could've shot you!"

"I think I'm warning you that she's got a serial killer who's trying to prove he's better by taking her out."  He stared at him.  "On the same timeframe I have a satanic ritual killer going after demon kids and teens I have to handle.  I thought you might want to know but I wasn't going to interrupt your date.  Happiness is too short."

"Who?" he asked.  "And it wasn't a date."

"Yeah," he snorted.  "That's why you were staring at her?"  He pulled out the envelope to hand it over.  "I don't want to have to make a choice but he'll keep getting kids."

"We can stop him."

"The NYPD is not going to arrest a demon," he said bluntly.  "I'm realistic.  There's no way."

Esposito sighed but nodded.  "You're probably right.  We can help."

"If I need it, I'll come calling.  For right now, you need to guard her better."

"Yeah, apparently we do.  Can I have a copy?"

"I'll photocopy it and mail it?"

"Drop it off.  It's faster."  He handed it back.  "Good luck."

"You too."  He walked off, going back home to find what he needed to know on that sort of higher demon.  It wasn't usual.  Tara gave him a funny look when he walked in and the kittens abandoned her lap for him.  "Hi, kids."  He petted them.  "Did the Tara mommy spoil you rotten for me?"

"Of course.  What happened?"  He let her see it on his way to their minor library.  She huffed.  "You can't."

"I can and will.  He's taking out kids."

"But..."  He stared at her.  "Fine."

"I told one of the minions about the other one."

"Thankfully."  She handed it back.

Xander made copies for them and put the original in an envelope for the morning's going out.  Then he sat down to pet the kittens.  They all adored him.  "How was your coven thing?"

"Not bad.  We got in good touch with the Mother and she's healthy where we were.  They're all very peaceful witches.  Some are bordering on Hindu thoughts and things."

He smiled.  "Good.  Peace is always great to attain."  She stared at him.  "I'm still stuck in the smut."

"You needed to get that out this weekend so I didn't have to see."

"No prospects."

"Sorry."

"Not your fault."  He shrugged.  "Not even any groupies."  He got comfortable to think while watching tv.  He could handle this on his own.  He hoped.

***

Xander walked up behind the idiot and Demming, grabbing the idiot and throwing him then snapping his neck without breaking it.  "Leave the detective alone," he said slowly and clearly.  "Before I have to get really mean and evil.  Understood?"  He whimpered.  "Good!"  He straightened up and looked at Demming.  "What?" he demanded.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Batman."  He walked off.

"Freeze!"

"I have to go stop a fucking serial killer, Detective Demming.  Arrest the one who was stalking your ex."  He sighed as he faded into the dark.  He was back in stalking mode.  He did not have the patience for morons.

Demming called it in then called Beckett.  "Do you know a guy with dark hair, youngish twenties, really mean?"  He listened.  "No, he just walked up and incapacitated the suspect I was talking to because he said he was stalking a detective ex of mine."  He heard her yell at the other two, who confessed.  "Well, I have him but he needs the ER.  No, he faded into the dark.  Told me he was Batman and he had to stop a serial killer?  Is he one of us?"  She hung up after promising she'd meet him at the ER.

He hung up.  "This is worse than when she was working with Castle," he complained to the whimpering man.  "Did you rob that jewelry store?"  He whimpered but almost nodded.  "I'll arrest you later on that so you're protected from whoever that lunatic was.  After I get answers."  The paramedics and a uniform showed up.  "No clue," he told them.  "He came out of nowhere behind me, grabbed him, did his neck, then walked off saying he was Batman and had a serial killer to find."

One of the guys stared at him.  "Harris?" he guessed, looking at his partner.  "There was a rumor Beckett was being stalked and he looks out for her."

"Maybe," his partner agreed.

"Who?" Demming asked.

"Alexian Harris," the first patrol officer said.  "He's an author, Castle mentors him sometimes.  His roomie is a librarian and he's a white knight."

"That explains why he said he was Batman," Demming said sarcastically.  "Why is he protecting her?"

"Because he's had to in the past.  Plus she helps whenever he dates someone really evil," the other said with a shrug.  "The guy's got a sealed federal file from the rumors going around.  When his roomie was snatched by her parents, the FBI begged to let them handle it before he made it messy as they put it."

Demming gaped.  "Who the hell is he?"

"Maybe he is Batman for all we know.  We know he writes some really good sci-fi/fantasy stuff," the paramedic offered.  "I've seen a few people he tangled with in the clubs or who was trying to date him."  He helped them pick up the guy to put him into the ambulance.  "Detective?"

"I'm coming," he promised, getting in there with him.  This was getting weird.

***

Xander found the lair he wanted.  He already had a dead body and he winced.  He was too late for the night but he had captives.  He checked before sneaking in and down to his lair.  The guy pounced him with a spell and a sword.  Xander kindly shot him and went to free the hostages.  "Hey."

"You're late," one said, giving him a pathetic look.  "He took my twin."

"I'm sorry.  If I could've been here sooner I would have."

"Traffic?" she asked dryly.

"Stopping another serial killer before he took out a few cops.  I ran into that by accident.  I had told the locals to handle him."  He got them all free.  Officers came rushing down.  "He killed that one and attacked me.  I'm freeing hostages," he said, getting the other two free.  "They could use a doc, people."

"Sir, who are you?" one demanded.  "Please disarm yourself."

Xander nodded.  "Sure, you call an ambulance for his victims and I will."  One called that in and he walked over to the stairs, pulling out his guns and pocket knives.  Someone came jogging and he nodded.  "Victims," he said with a point.  "Three of them.  He's had them since yesterday and I didn't get here in time to get one's twin.  You can reach her parents at the Blue Moon Emporium.  Her father works there as a janitor."  The paramedic nodded, moving over to help them.  He looked at the other two.  "If you can't get them directly, have Tara tell them."  They nodded, huddling around the one.  "Guys, I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough."

"It was over an hour ago," the other twin said.

Xander nodded.  "It only took me a minute.  If I had known but the rite he was using said eight."

"He's set on London time," another said quietly.  Xander slumped.  "He was further ahead than you thought?"

"I heard he was on the third step, not the fifth.  Damn it!"  They sighed and nodded, letting the paramedics take them.  Xander looked at the officers.  "Your office or mine?" he quipped.

"Ours.  We need a statement, sir," the lead officer said.

"Sure.  Not the first time."  He handed over his things.   "Keep 'em warm for me.  I'll have to take the subway home."  He let them walk him out to the car and cuff him then put him into the backseat.  The ride wasn't that long.  Xander nodded at someone as he got walked inside.  She ran off to tell the Elders.  The officer gave him a dirty look.  "She knows one of the relatives of the victims.  That way they hear sooner."  They put him into a room and he picked the locks, handing back the handcuffs with a grin.

"First, name?"

"Alexander Harris."

The officer stared at him.  "Harris?  I heard that name sometimes."

"Same one.  Alexian's a pen name."

"Why were you there?"

"To stop him.   You guys wouldn't because of who the victims were."  He stared at him, getting a nod back.  The officer hit him.  Xander licked the split lip.  "Really?  Feel better?"

"We don't discriminate, Harris."

"Really?  Then you actually handled the six bodies that got dumped in the park by doing more than burning them?  Because I saw the last two and I brought an ME with me."  The officer growled and hit him again.  Xander kicked the table at him, knocking him into the wall.  "Gee, thanks."  He stared at him when other officers rushed in.  "He hit me.  I only got him off me."

"Stand up and turn around," one ordered.

"Belay that," Detective Ryan said as he walked.  "Harris, corner."  He pointed and the kid went there.  He looked at the officer.  "I was watching and I saw you hit him twice and more than just an ME saw you burning bodies you didn't want to deal with."

"They're not human!" he shouted.

"Harris is.  It's just his job to handle the bad things that happen to them."  He stared him down.  "I'd beg for my badge."

"I don't know who you think you are," the commander said.

"I think I'm the guy with the open connection to Internal Affairs," Ryan said, holding up his phone.  "We taped the last one for them."  A few of the guys ran.  He stared at that one.  "I'd so run so someone has to hunt.  Beckett's in a bad mood anyway."  He fled.  He looked at Xander.  "You couldn't let us handle it?"

"No.  Because you weren't.  The moron was going to let him go."

"We didn't know it was him."

"I sent in that information four days ago to Demming since he was watching him.  I saw him watching him."

"Shit," Ryan muttered.  "You good?"

"I've had worse from a date."

"Good.  Car."  He pointed.  Xander nodded, going to find his weapons and walk off.  He caught the kid looking around.  "What's missing?"

"My Sig Sauer nine."  He summoned it and put it back into his holster, looking at the detective.  "It's not warm.  He didn't get a chance to use it."

"That's fine.  Beckett wants an explanation."

"I told your fellow minion."

"I heard."  He gave him a nudge.  "Car."  Xander nodded, walking that way.  He followed shaking his head.  "I've got to set you up with someone who wants a lot of attention so you can't do that again," he said once he was in the car too.

"They had better like to proofread and I've still got to hunt and help out.  It's my duty since I know."

"Tara isn't."

"No, she's sweet and delicate.  Hunting isn't for the good souls, Detective Ryan.  I handle those things that stalk, kill, and hunt.  She's much too nice.  She might be a backup source but otherwise no, it's not for her.  That's one reason why I'm such an overprotective boob over her."

"That's one way of putting it."  He drove them back to the other precinct, letting him get out and hike inside.

"Boy, no guns in this precinct," the desk sergeant said.

Xander stared at him.  "I'm answering questions about something I saw going on, Sergeant.  I do have a permit if you'd like to see it."

"Conference room," Ryan ordered when he walked up to them.

"He can't be wearing a gun in here.  That's against protocol and it's dangerous."

Xander stared at him.  "I can leave and make them come see me at home if you'd prefer."

"Hell no.  She's already pissed off."  Ryan walked him up there.  He walked him into the conference room and started coffee.  "Ice pack?"

"I'm still fine.  Thanks anyway."  He stared at Demming.  "Was the note I sent you with his name that he was stalking Beckett too confusing for you?"  Demming gaped.  "Because it wasn't for Esposito when I gave him the preliminary.  I saw you following that one so I told you about it since I figured they might've told you since you've been around and might've been a possible target to get out of his way."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded.

"I went to Esposito because I had another serial asshole to deal with," Xander complained.  "As is, I managed to not save one tonight."  She huffed.  "I'm sorry as hell but I thought he would've told you too."

"He didn't," she said.

"Then bitch at him!"  He shrugged.  "I told one of you that you were being stalked, that way they could handle it like the NYPD is supposed to.  Don't yell at me because I did what I'm supposed to fucking do!"  She backed up at that.

"Calm down," Ryan ordered patiently.

"No!  I'm not being blamed because you guys went into the same sort overprotective boob overdrive I go into."   He glared at her.  "Don't yell at me for doing what I'm supposed to do, Detective.  I'm not your minion.  I even gave him the note with his name on it.   What more did you want me to do?"

"How about let us handle him tonight?" Esposito suggested.  "Need an ice pack?"  Xander glared at him.  "Sorry.  Rescuing those others?"

"No, the officers who burned their bodies," Ryan told him, sipping his coffee.  "The guy got in two blows then Xander kicked him across the room using the table.  It was a good move.  The rest of the department fled."

"Good!" Becikett agreed.  "Why stop him tonight?"

"Because if anyone had done something like look in his car for the stolen money and jewelry they would've found it and the poison, the knockout gas, and the handcuffs and ropes."  She shuddered.  "You weren't going to make it through tonight probably.  The idiot there apparently somehow missed the message.  So therefore I had to act."  Someone walked in.  "I got the last three free.  He was further ahead than we thought," he said quietly.

"Thank you for saving who you could."

"It bothers me that I didn't get that one, Elder."

"I know, Xander.  It is the goodness that Sunnydale didn't force out of your soul.  They will be fine and those who attacked us are leaving the city."  He smiled at him.  "Rest easier, you did stop him."  Xander nodded so he left.

Beckett shut the door and looked at him.  "The other was going after demons?"

"Teenager and kids.  Ritual sacrificing that's so screwed up it's never been right."

"Did you write it?" Ryan asked.

"No."  He glared at him.  "I don't write all the fucked up things in the universe, thank.  Mr. King actually wrote that one."  He looked at her again.  "What else did you want me to do?"

"You could've called," she said.  "Made sure he got the note."

"I had the demon put it in his locker.  I didn't want to make anyone panic because then you'd kill us all for protecting you."

"Fine."  She calmed herself down.  "Why did he want me?"

"Because if he could beat you, then he was better than you.  The same as he did to other detectives."  She shuddered.  "He got one of the ones I knew in LA too.  She's maimed for life and won't be walking ever again probably since he sliced her spinal cord on her.  You he was apparently going to poison.  He based it on a case you were well known for."

She nodded once.  "Fine.  Thank you, Xander."

He shrugged and walked around them.  "I'm going to the gym.  Have a better night, people."

"He harmed that man," Demming said hotly, pointing at his back.  "We're letting that violent psycho free?"

She stared at him.  "He's not psychotic."

"He told me he was Batman when I asked," he shot back.

"Yes, that's called Sarcasm," Ryan said dryly.  "He's a master of it when he's pissed off."  He looked at her.  "You good?"

"I'm going to kill you both for not telling me."

"Yay," Esposito said with a shrug.  "I only care that he didn't get you."  He stared at her.  "That is our job to protect our coworkers."

"I could've handled it better if I had known!"

"No, then you would've wanted to bait him," Ryan said.  "The kid didn't need to split his attention this time.  That's why he told us at all.  Or else you might've woken up with him tied up on your doormat."

She groaned, walking off rubbing her head.

"Who is he?" Demming demanded.

"Xander's a nice guy but he's been protecting people since he was sixteen," Ryan said bluntly.  "The last time she got threatened, we put her with him and his roommate because they could protect her better than even we could.  Since then, if she's got a threat, the people underground he knows tell him.  He usually handles it quietly and we hear about it afterward."

Esposito nodded.  "Definitely weird waking up to someone handcuffed on the doorstep."

Beckett came back looking pissed off.  "Another one already?" Ryan teased with a smirk.

"Alexis is in trouble.  They raided a party and found her underage there."

"Call Tara or Xander," Esposito said.  "They won't nark like you would."

"She's young and just now free, of course she's doing some odd things," Ryan agreed.

She called Xander.  "Alexis just called me.  No, she's been arrested for being at a party underage.  Princeton is...  You know where it is why?"  She listened.  "Oh, a convention and you popped in.  Fine.  Yes, there.  Thank you."  She hung up.  "He'll go bail her out."  She looked at them.  "I'm still going to beat your asses."

"Yup," Esposito agreed dryly.  "I'm sure we'll have the majority of the paperwork too."

She grimaced.  "Don't remind me."  She huffed and looked at them.  "Think he's fine?"

"I think the kid was way too calm when the cop hit him," Ryan admitted.  "I think he's in a battle rage and we're going to be lucky if he doesn't wreck on the way to New Jersey.  I think he'll calm down by the time he's there."  He finished his coffee and got more.  "By the way, I did have IAB on the line when I walked in there to yell at them.  I called after the first hit."

"Good!"  She looked at Esposito, who got the full file for her.  She growled at what she read.  Demming stomped off.  She rolled her eyes.

Ryan smirked.  "He's cute and manly but a woose," he said quietly.

"He's probably going to find that note."

"Hopefully."  The guys went back to their desks.  The captain came storming off the elevator.  "Situations are both solved," Ryan told him.

"What happened?  I got told you escorted Harris up while he was wearing guns?"

"He had been out hunting a serial killer after the other community.  The cops there decided to hit him for it."  Their captain glared.  "On the way there he stopped the serial killer after Beckett."

"He knew too?" she demanded, coming out.

He stared at her.  "That is protocol.  How else can we protect our people?"

"If it was them...."

"I'd have let Tara dress them the same way I about to let her dress you again," the captain assured her.  She groaned, sitting down.  "Good!  It's solved?"

"Harris is in a rage," Ryan said quietly.  "But Alexis just got into trouble so he's going to help her."

"Fine.  Here?"

"School."

"Damn.  Long drive when he's pissed off."  He looked at the notes.  "He did what?"

"Apparently he told Demming who it was and he ignored it or didn't find the note," she told him.  "So he popped his neck on him."

"Charming.  Well at least it wasn't lethal."

"Demming is in a snit," Ryan warned.  "He wanted to know more about him.  Xander quipped he was Batman when he walked around him fussing."

"I can find a scary resemblance," she said dryly.

"More like the Punisher," Esposito said with a shrug.  "He likes weapons and only takes out the bad guys."

She walked off shaking her head to go to the bathroom to rant at the walls.

Ryan looked at his partner.  "I'll be damn glad when Castle's back," he said quietly.

"You think he is?"

"I know he is sometime.  When is the problem."  That got a nod and a look toward the bathroom.  They had to watch out for her.  No one else would run them as ragged as she did.  It's what friends and partners did for each other.

***

Xander walked up to the holding cell, staring at her.  "When I told you how wild I ran, I didn't mean for you to follow in my footsteps."

"Bar fight?" she guessed.  She was clearly lit.

"No.  Dirty cop."  She gave him a funny look.  "It's been a long night, Alexis.  C'mon."  The officer let her out.  "Thank you for being so understanding."

"It's easy for guys to talk girls into the wrong place at the wrong time," the officer said, staring her down.  "I hope she learns from this."

"I think everyone will," Xander agreed.  He walked her off.  "You have to be at court at ten tomorrow."

"Fine," she sighed.

He stared at her.  "Need the ER?"

"I'm fine, Xander!"  She got free.

He grabbed her by the hair and stared her down.  "Go to the car because this is my third rescue tonight.  Thankfully the serial people I saved others from were nicer."  She nodded, getting free and going to the car.  He caught his breath and followed.  To call her father or not?  Rick would be really disappointed that the dorm-wide party had moved to a frat house and gotten worse.  So maybe he wouldn't tell him.  He slid in to drive.

"You're going to tell him?"

"No.  You might want to tell him before he sees it in the papers."  He started the car and backed out, taking her to the hotel he had rented a room in.  "There's a room just for you."  He set the alarm clock.  "That's set for eight so you can puke, wake up, eat, and make it on time.  Sleep it off."  She nodded, trudging that way.  He laid down on the couch.  That way she couldn't sneak past him.  Tomorrow was going to suck.  He really needed to beat her boyfriend.

***

Rick showed up at Xander's door two days later.  "You bailed my daughter out of jail and didn't tell me?"

Xander stared at him.  "And how are you today?" he asked dryly.  "It's a pretty day here in the city, don't you think?"

"Cut the shit."  He walked inside and slammed the door.  Xander checked the cats but they were all napping on top of his daughter's chest.  "Ah, you're out."

"Martha's not home today.  She's grounded," Xander said.

"You punished her?"

"No, your mother did.  She grounded her for life."  He stared at him.  "Yes, I did.  She's more than grown up enough to call you herself, which I suggested.  Though I can tell you it wasn't totally her fault."

"Who was he?" Rick asked his daughter.

She blinked at him.  "That friend from school," she said quietly.  "I'm firmly on the side of never dating an asshole like him again."

"Why aren't you sitting up?"

"Because I made her work out with me and she threw her back," Xander said, going toward the bedroom.  "C'mon, kids.  Let's let them talk."  All but one ran after him.  He came out to get that cat and brought her with him.  They could hide in the bedroom.  He did not need to witness that parental moment.

"I'm yelling at you in a minute, Xander," Rick noted.

"I'll be down the damn fire escape then," he said before he shut the door.  He sat down to pet them and then decided it was a good idea to escape.  He didn't think he could take any more screaming people today.  He closed the window and snuck down the ladders, jumping from the last rung to the alleyway.  He saw the dirty look from Martha.  "He's yelling at her and I can't take yelling right now," he said bluntly.

"You should have called or left her there."

"And let her be one of those heiress sorts from tv?  Did you talk about what's-his-name?"

"Yes."  She sighed, coming closer.  "Rick is going to kill him."

"I already kicked his ass.  It was in the courtroom and the judge agreed it was a good idea since he had talked her into going and got her drunk."   He walked around her.  "I'll be back later, when he's calmer and she's quit crying or I'm calmer."

"What happened now?  You're not usually a drama queen," she called.

"Butt out, Grandma.  It's nothing you could handle if I felt like talking about it.  Please."  He walked around the corner.

"Well," she huffed.  She went to talk her son into calming down too.  They were having a talk about stupid behavior.  "What is going on with him?  He was just more dramatic than a drag queen."

Alexis shrugged.  "I don't know.  He won't tell me.  He won't tell Tara either.  I know he was pissed off that night he came to get me because I drunkenly decided to argue and he grabbed my head by the hair and told me to get in the car.  Said it wasn't his first rescue that night I think."

"I'll help him handle his issue later.  You're my daughter and you have to come first."

She shrugged.  "I'm sorry I screwed up so much, Dad."

"We all do it sometime," he sighed.  "I had many girls that led me into trouble.  Though I never got arrested."  She nodded.  "Are you done for the summer?"  She nodded.  "Did you finish everything?"

"Yup.  That was the leaving party actually."

"Uh-huh."  He stared at her.  "I agree with Mother.  You're grounded for life."  She nodded with a sigh at the end.   He tipped her face up.  "Did he help you?"

"A lot."  She looked at her grandmother.

"I haven't told him."

"I'm sensing the boy got you in more trouble?"

"I have no idea which one gave me the laced drink at a dorm mixer.  It was only one beer, Dad."

He took a calming breath.  "What did you get given?"

"Xander thought E.  He brought me to the convention he was at and let me have the bed while he slept on the floor.  The hotel called the cops but he made sure they knew I was sleeping it off and he wasn't molesting me or anything."

"Good!  Why didn't I hear about that one!"

"Because I know your temper, dear."  Martha smiled.  He glared at her.  "She was fine.  She and I talked as well.  It was a laced drink.  She wasn't aware of it and when she started to feel odd, she left.   She called Xander to help her since we were both out of town."

"He would've protected me and kept me from doing stupid things," she said weakly.

"I wanted to hear this from you," he said bluntly.  "I'm disappointed in that.  Usually you're more level headed than I am."

"A boy will turn any sensible woman's mind to mush," Martha sighed.  "God knows I had that problem a few times."  She sat down.  She heard a pitiful scratching.  "Let them out before they destroy things."  Alexis got up with a groan, going to do that.  "What happened now?"

"Xander made me work out and spar with him.  I threw my back out."  She let the cats out, sitting down again.  They climbed up on her father and her, letting them pet them.  "He'll be back in a minute, I promise," she soothed.

"Anything else I might hear from a reporter?" he asked quietly.

"No."

"No wild sex parties?"

"Hell no."

He smirked at her.  "That adds another week to your lifetime grounding."

"I actually called Beckett, Dad.  He came instead."

He shook his head.  "No, we're ... strange," he admitted.  He stood up.  "Come on, you're coming with me."

"School starts in a week."

"I know."  She nodded, getting up and getting her bag so they could leave together.  She made sure the cats were all inside before closing the door and locking it.  "Where was Tara?"

"I don't know.  I know I saw her this morning.  She's got that mom look again," she sighed.  "I truly messed up."

"Everyone does it now and then," he reminded her.  "I could horrify you with stories of some of mine."

"Xander shared some of his so I'd see how mild mine was."

"How bad was his?"

"No comment?"

"I'll let him tell me."  He walked her out to the car and called Ryan's desk.  "It's me.  I have Alexis.  If you see Xander, thank him for me?  No, he escaped the yelling and hid from me yelling at him for not telling me."  He listened.  "That's been over a week."  He huffed.  "I don't know.  I'll talk to him when I can.  Probably later tonight.  Thanks."  He hung up and got in to drive.  They dropped Martha off at home and then drove to the Hamptons.  They needed to have some bonding time over past stupid mistakes.  Then he'd call Xander to see what had happened.

***

Paula came back to the city to meet with Tara.  "What is wrong with him?" she asked as she walked up to the desk where Tara was working.

"Nothing.  Why?"

"He hasn't sent anyone anything in a month, Tara.  Something must be wrong again."

She shook her head.  "Nothing's being cooperative.  The latest in the Tral universe turned adult on him and he can't get refocused but he needs that part to go on and it keeps going on without going on with the story, even when he writes it for them."

"Oh."  She grimaced.  "Why can't we move around this one?"

"Because apparently the muses aren't telling him what happens later."  She pulled out her computer and let her see that.  Then she went to check out the waiting person's books with a smile for him.  That was always a polite kid.  She came back.  "He can't get past that one point and all he's getting is that."

Paula grimaced.  "Is this a block?"

"I think he needs to find a new love interest and write them in but it won't fit in that section.  Either that or he needs to date and he hasn't recently."

Paula looked at her.  "Why not?"

"He started to do background checks first and pissed some off."

"Oh."  She closed it before handing it back.  "What else is going on?  Rick said he's very upset."

"I don't know.  He won't talk with me."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm having my own moral dilemmas right now," she admitted quietly.  "I'm called to peaceful things.  Not the duty he's called to."

Paula sighed and nodded.  "Could that be egging his on?"

"No, I don't think so.  I know he got a problem referred to him but not what it was."

"Fine.  Where is he?"

"The cabin this weekend."

"I'll call."

"His phone won't work right now.  I'm not sure why but even I can't get a call to go through."  She went to check out the new person's books, smiling at them.  "I think we have one waiting on you," she said, grabbing that book for her with a smile.  The girl gave a quiet squeal and hugged it.  Tara finished the check out and for the next person.  She walked back to Paula.  "I don't know.  I wish he could quit but he can't and we're about the only help for the really bad things locally."

"Aren't there others?"

"Not who would respect the community."

"Do we think this is from the stress?"

"No, I think if he got with someone in a meaningful way it would help," she admitted.  "Unfortunately he's not dating and not with anyone in a meaningful way."

Paula stared at her.  "Guys don't think in terms of meaningful, Tara.  Have him hit a brothel or something?"  She blushed, shaking her head.  "Fine.  Maybe this weekend at the cabin will fix that for him.  He'll find someone evil to have relations with."  She walked off shaking her head.  If she knew where the cabin was....  But she didn't.  She called Rick.  "Where is Xander's cabin?"  He told her he had talked to him.  "What is wrong with his muses now?"

He agreed with her, the kid needed some stress relief.  "Any hope of him finding someone?  No, Tara wouldn't suggest anything less than meaningful."  She yawned.  "That might help.  Is he at the cabin?"  She smirked, going to the weapons warehouse once she hung up.  The thing creeped out everyone because it was so large but oh well.  Xander was hiding from his muses in there somewhere.  She walked in and flipped on the overhead lights.

"Office," Xander called.  "To the left!"

She followed the echo, finding the office easy enough.  "Why can't you date?"

"Because we have too many things attacking the innocent right now and it's my job," he quipped, looking up from cleaning the shotgun.  "If Tara wasn't off in prude land again it might help."

"She said she couldn't suggest you get it in the clubs or a brothel."

"I have hit it in the clubs.  I nearly lost too."  He looked at her.  "I need to restart self defense lessons.  I'm getting slow."

"That happens to those who age."

Xander nodded.  "Yeah but if I could get someone here to work on this shit, I would."

"There's no other hunters you can call for a break?"

"Not ones who would care that the lesser demons were being attacked.  To most of them, all demons are evil even if they aren't."  He shrugged, leaning back.  "I know it's been a month of smut."

"Go pay for it."

"I'm not that desperate.  Masturbating helped some."  She nodded once at that.  "Maybe I'll hit a gay club, I don't know."

"Be discreet.  That can drive down sales."

"Everyone knows I'm bi and they went up when they thought I was dating John."

"True.  Still, be discreet.  What did Alexis do?"

"Bad choice in boyfriend."

"Oh."  She nodded at that.  "Partying?"

"Her dad knows."

"Good.  Did you tell him?"

"Nope.  I'm like a big brother figure, that's not my job.  That's her job."

"Good point."  She shifted to look at him.  "Is that one that nearly killed you stalking you perhaps?"

"I have no clue.  I haven't heard."

She nodded.  "Fine.  You finish up and try to write something."

"If I was Anne Rice, you'd have something smutty today.  Unless you think you can sell the assorted sexcapades of Tral's hunting team?"

"No.  Maybe if it was in the hunting novels."  He shook his head.  "Fine.  Let me know if it's not broken in a week.  If not, I'm sending you to a brothel."

"I have fantastic stamina, Paula.  I might hurt someone."

"I don't care."  She left, going to talk to the annoying detectives the kid watched over.  She found her at her desk and sat down.

"Did you pick up that move from Castle?" Beckett asked, looking at her.

"Probably.  I never used to sit down and sigh."  She stared at her.  "I believe the young author we mentor is having a stalker of his own.  Apparently she nearly killed him during sex and he's not seeing it but all his recent writings have been sexual.  He's presently handling another thing going after his poker buddies."

Beckett nodded slowly.  "Why didn't he tell us this?"

"Because boys like Xander never tell you when they're having problems.  It'll come out in subtle ways.  For him, his writing for the last month has been nothing but sex and weapons.  I found him cleaning weapons in his warehouse.  He claims he has no idea if she's stalking him but I think subconsciously he's a bit worried."

"We thought it was stress from the fighting when he snapped back the last time we saw him."

"Fight?"

"He pinged some dirty cops after handling the last thing taking out the poker circuit.  He let the cop hit him twice then shoved him.  Detective Ryan stepped in and they fled from the rage of Internal Affairs."

"Huh.  Interesting.  No, I think that may have been some stress relief.  I know the boy does crappy on his own and Tara's not even willing to hear about anything less than a meaningful relationship again."

"He said she's one of those sweet people who would eventually leave the life to live a real life," Esposito said from his desk.  "And yeah, he's got two stalkers actually.  One the fun sort that only wants to sleep with him.  The other wants to kill him because of what he writes.  It's another hunter."  He looked at them.  "I can't find her though."

"Can we ask Tara to talk to some of the other hunters?" Paula suggested.

"She called one and he said he had no idea and they had no one who could stop her probably."

"Ah."  Paula nodded.  "So he's going to end up defending himself from her?"

"I'd be surprised if he hadn't.  The other one I know he hit it in a club with and she nearly killed him."

"Shit," Paula muttered.  "He mentioned that one."

"Did he mention that Tara's checking his mail?  She's moved back to motherly status for him."

"No, he hadn't," Paula said.  "I can't talk to Tara.  I don't understand girls like her."

"Her aunt and she parted ways when her aunt got pushy to make her remodel her personality to fit with her friends," Beckett said.  "So, is he using us as a stress break?"

"Probably.  It definitely gives him something to take his mind off his own problems.  The same as it probably did Rick.  He used Alexis that way many times when he was blocked."

"I can have him come gofer," Esposito said.

"I doubt he'd like it," Paula said.  "Though he did admit to me that he missed working all day long on a construction site."

"I know someone who does Habitat work."  He called Xander's cellphone.  "Did Tara forget to pay the bill?"

"No.  She said it's out for some reason.  She also thinks he's at the cabin and he's at the warehouse."  He nodded, getting up to talk to him.  Sometimes you had to have a guy talk.  She smiled at Beckett.  "The newest book is coming along very well.   The last one finished up pretty well."

"That's good to know.  Is Alexis coming back to start school?"

"Oh, yes.  He's still upset with her but he understands.  They had one of those 'beer and ice cream at midnight' talks he said."

"Figures."  She shrugged.  "Tell her to call me when she's back and I'll make sure she's okay if Xander and Tara can't."

"I can do that."  She stood up.  "Thank you, Detective."

"Not a problem.  I'd rather not have any psychotic people anywhere in this city."

Paula nodded.  "Me either.  They always seem to come after authors."  She walked off.

Beckett shook her head, starting a preliminary report on what they knew.  Esposito could finish it later.  When they hopefully realized who they were.

***

Esposito walked in and looked around.  "Xander?" he called.

"Office."

He walked that way, finding him sharpening swords.  He looked at him.  "The hunter that's after you or the insane thing at the club?"  Xander shrugged, not looking up.  "You knew?"

"I've already shown one that she's an idiot and the books aren't about her.  I also took her to a demon playground to let her see that they're kids."  He looked up.  "She was horrified that they were in the open.  The whole community knows to watch out for her."

"Good.  Want to give us that information?"

"I doubt she'll come after me."

"Unlike the other one?"

"That's a different matter.  I don't know what she wants."  He frowned then went back to sharpening.  "I have to hunt down another thing tonight."

"Why aren't you bringing Tara?"

"She wanted a real life."

He stared at him.  "So this is 'soon I'm going to be alone' along with 'too much combat and there's another one'?"

Xander looked at him.  "What?"

"Paula told Beckett Tara's gone motherly for you."

"Now and then."

"She said that Tara won't even suggest anything less than a real relationship and she's checking your mail?"

Xander shook his head slowly.  "She shouldn't be."

"Want me to talk to her?"

"No.  Then I'll get bitched at."

He nodded.  "That happens.  But you know, even if she moves out, she's still going to be like your sister.  A lot of women do the same thing to their friends when they first start dating."

"She wants a normal life.  It'd be better for her.  But I'm keeping the cats."

"Good.  You could use someone to fuss over you."  He stared at him.  "You know you're not totally alone here."

"Yeah.  Why?"

"He'll be back, you can bounce some ideas off us.  And let us know when there's more problems."

"It's New York, there's always problems."

"True."  He smirked.  "I heard Castle will be back in a few weeks probably."

"Alexis will be back sooner but she's back to not talking to me."

"What happened to her?"

"Bad choice of boyfriend."

"Ah.  Got her into a party?"  Xander nodded.  "I saw that she was found at an underage drinking party."

"I went to bail her out and we talked.  I made sure she made it to court the next morning.  I kicked the guy's ass for it in front of the judge and he confessed he had drugged her once.  So I don't know."

"Girls are confusing."

"I've been surrounded by girls for years," Xander admitted.  "I haven't had guy friends in so long it's not funny."

"Maybe you should find some?  Other authors?"

"None of the other authors in town like me.  They all think I'm young and dumb and bouncy."  He shrugged a bit.  "Rick tried."

"What about writers in your genre?"

"Same thing.  All older.  A few female ones but none of them live locally and they're all older with families."

"Damn.  We have got to set you up with someone decent."

Xander snorted.  "They'd never like me.  I'm doomed to a life of cheap sex because all the evil girls need to be taken out."

"Maybe," he admitted.  "Find a slightly less-than-evil guy?"

"A few, but they've been about as bad.  By the way, you have an email waiting about a present I got given by one."

"Why?"

"Because it's probably stolen."

"Jewelry?"

"Nuclear warhead."  He grinned.  "With military warnings on it."

"Where?"

"Downstairs."  He smirked.  "Not like I'm going to put it somewhere less controlled."

"Good!  Hold on, I was in my email this morning.  I didn't see it."

"I think I sent it to you."  He got into his laptop to look.  "Yeah, I sent it to you."  He showed it to him.

"You spelled my last name wrong, that's why," he said.  He added his to the kid's contacts folder and saved it.  "But I can take that if you want."

"Please.  That makes me nervous."

"Good!"  Xander smirked at him.  "You still need to get laid it sounds like."

"I will.  After I get this other idiot hunter."  He got up and walked him down there, showing him the pretty box.  Xander opened it and grimaced.  "I don't think someone was in here but it's missing a tube," he said with a point.

"Okay."  He looked it over.  "Let me call Taylor."  He called him.  "Detective Taylor, Esposito from Beckett's office.  Someone nice gave Xander a present.  Nuclear warhead.  He sent me the email on it but when he opened it just now we found a missing canister of something.  Yes, that's what I said.  The warehouse, in the basement.  Is it armed, Xander?"

"No.  I made sure of that before I emailed you last night."

"No, he made sure it's not.  Please."  He hung up. "He'll come have it picked up."  Xander grinned.  "What does the canister look like?"  Xander looked then dug another one out.  "Huh.  Yeah we'll see if we can find that.  Any idea who he was?"

"He said Sebastian Morales."

"I've never heard of him but I'll look into it."  He heard pounding and walked back to the stairway.  "We're downstairs!" he yelled.  Footsteps came down and he held up his badge.  "Sebastian Morales?" he asked Flack.

"Never heard of him.  Got any sort of picture?" he asked Xander.

"I don't think I took one.  He might have one of me.  I'm not real sure."  He pulled out his phone to look.  "Ah!  I did get a picture of him when I took a picture of the other bitch."  He held it up.  "That guy in the red shirt is him."

Don took it to look at.  "I'm going to confiscate it."

"It's not working right now anyway," Esposito said.

"Yeah, I have radio signals blocked in here thanks to that thing.  I woke up after a mediocre night with him and found myself here.  I checked, this was the only new thing.  I opened it, had to go look up what it was.  That took me a few hours and I tried to email him."  He head nodded.  "He said I spelled his last name wrong so there's probably another panicking person in the department somewhere."

"He's in Traffic.  I get his sometimes too."  He shrugged.  "So you did open it?"

"Yeah.  I needed to see what it was.  It had a canister peeking out of that hole in the hay stuff."  Esposito held up the canister.  "It looked like that."

"Okay, we'll be on the lookout for it," Flack decided, smiling at him.  "You look less than pleased."

"I've got another hunter taking out the poker circuit."

"Get help for that," he ordered.

"What help?"

"Human?"

"Yup."

"Report her."

"They won't arrest her for taking them out."

"Yeah we would.  The NYPD won't arrest one of them but they'd arrest a human taking them out."  Xander jogged upstairs and came back down with his laptop, letting him see it.  "I've seen her around the station.  Can I?"

"Please.  That's my non-work one."

"Cool.  Flack, need help?"

"No, I brought strong people and CSI."  He called them down.  SWAT gave him an odd look.  He pointed.  "A former paramour gave it to him."

"Oh, you guys wanted oversight of my guns and the stupid, curse given will problem left me a few more."

"Big?" Flack asked.  "What curse?"

"The one that made his former dates all commit suicide," Esposito said.

"I saw that in the news," one of the SWAT guys quipped.  "Anything missing?"  Flack held up a canister.  "We can put out a BOLO for that.  Who opened it?"

"I did to see what it was," Xander said.  "I didn't even think about using gloves," he told Mac.  "Sorry."

"We have yours on file, Xander.  We can weed you out if we find yours."  Xander nodded.  "I want that in my lab safely stored in our vault, guys.  Within minutes."  They nodded, carrying it off.  He looked at Xander.  "How big?"

"One looks like a volvo with a howitzer?"

"That I gotta see," Flack said.  Xander led him to that section of the warehouse.  They all stared.  "I think that is a howitzer on a volvo."

Xander nodded.  "Which might come in handy for apocalypses.  Good fuel economy so it'd last for a long time."

"If we have something that needs that sort of armament, we have the military we can call on," Mac reminded him.  "Can we get that off there?"

"I know *nothing* about cars," Xander said.

"Speaking of," Esposito said, writing out an address and a name.  "Habitat?  Paula thinks you're missing construction days."  Xander squealed and hugged him.  "You need more guy friends," he said with a grin.

"Yeah, it sucks."  He grinned.  "That's the nicer one."

"Anything else huge that could get stolen?" Mac sighed.  Xander pointed.  He walked into that room and paused.  "We'll be back Sunday, Xander.  That way we can go over those."  He closed the door and walked off shaking his head.  The others followed.

"I'll bring back the laptop and phone once they're downloaded," Esposito said.  "Take a nap, kid.  You look tired.  You probably have enough swords sharpened for now."  Xander nodded, going back to the office to curl up on the cot in there.   They closed and locked the door, heading back to the lab together.  Esposito handed Mac the laptop.  "That is the person who is hunting the demons who he's hunting," he said quietly.

"I heard about the last one."  He looked it over.  "We can arrest her for going after illegal immigrants.  It's not a lie, just a stretch."  He got into the other profiles.  "Some of these are characters I think."

"I'll have the kids sort those out later," Flack promised.  He handed over the phone after finding the picture again.  "The guy in the red shirt gave a contact we have a nuclear warhead as a thanks for the night present."

"Must've been good," Adam said as he pulled the file down and started the photo enhancements.

"Considering his last full time was a nympho who slept with half the town plus toys as well as the six to ten he was giving her a day?" Esposito said.  "Yeah, he's probably got stamina."

Adam smirked.  "I had one of those back in college.  She was very bad for me."

"His became a nun to pay society back for all the bad shit she did."  He smirked.

"So it went to Harris?" Adam asked.  Mac nodded, rolling his eyes as he walked off.  "Do we know anything about him?"

"He said his name was Sebastian Morales."

He started that search on another screen.  "Tell him I want a copy of the next DCIS?"

"Stella has one on her desk," Flack told him.

"I've read it.  I meant the next one."

"His publisher probably has the next ten already," Esposito said.  "Call me when you know?" he asked, handing over his card.  "I've got to tell the others in my unit since the kid likes to turn in his ex's to us."

"Sure, give me a few hours."  Adam smiled at him.  "He seems nice," he told Flack once he had left.

"Yeah."

"What's Harris really like?"

"A bit goofy but tough underneath.  He hasn't had guy friends in forever.   He squealed and hugged earlier."

"So, like the him in DCIS?"

"Yeah, basically."  He checked the search screen.  "We have a 'locked due to national security interests."  Adam groaned, calling Mac so he could nag someone higher up.  He sent him that file, what little they had.  It did match the picture.  Adam searched the other pictures.  There wasn't one of him anywhere else.  But the videos....  The guy had started it and taped it.  "Huh," Flack said.  He got Mac down to see.

"That is the same person and he's CIA," Mac said quietly.  "Turn that off."  Adam downloaded it but turned it off.

"Do we have any contacts there?" Don asked.

"No."

"See if that other guy might?" Adam suggested.  "Or the kid himself."

"He might," Don admitted, calling the warehouse's number.  No answer so he left a short message for the kid to call him back, they had found the guy.

***

Esposito walked into the right precinct, seeing the tension.  "Yeah, it was meant to come to me.  I handled it, the lab has it, it's all good."  They sighed.  "One canister in it is still missing."  He put up a picture of it.  "So if we see one....."

"How do you know this person?" the commanding officer asked.

"We had a civilian ride-along."

"Rick Castle," most of them said.

Esposito smirked.  "Harris is actually Alexian Harris and Castle was mentoring him.  Plus we like to arrest his dates."  He smirked.  "One of them gave him this."  His phone beeped with a message.  "Who was CIA.  Interesting."  He smiled.  "So relax.  I put in mine so it won't happen again."

"Thank you.  It scared the crap out of me."

"It would've me too until I remembered Harris was just like that."  He walked off calling someone.  "Castle, Esposito.  I need a small favor.  No, Xander had a spook that he slept with who gave him a nuclear warhead and now we're missing a canister on it.  The lab said that the file's locked.  Can you nudge your contact to come talk to one of us?  Me, Taylor, Flack.  Thanks.  Morales, Sebastian.  CIA.  Thank you."  He hung up and went back to brief the others and about that canister.  Ryan owed him lunch and dinner about how bad this newest date was!  It was so sweet.

***

Castle hung up and called his 'guy'.  "It's Rick Castle.  Is he in?"  He waited, leaning back.  "Small favor needed for Beckett actually.  Yeah, about the guy that Xander got the nuclear warhead from," he said dryly.  "Sebastian Morales, CIA?  Taylor has it at the lab and they think he took back a canister.  I don't know what sort.  Please.  Thank you.  You too.  Hamptons writing under Paula's tough eye.  No, not like that," he sighed.  "The thought occurred to me but no.  Thank you.  Yes, Xander slept with him," he said dryly.  "I don't know.  I'll ask him if the CIA gets into it with DCIS or not.  I haven't heard any mentions beyond some hackers trying the labs.  Alexis, has the CIA gotten into the DCIS world?"

"No, though that show with the guy who used to be the hotty vampire is."

"Okay."  He smirked at the phone.  "CTU is but not the CIA.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Did he change that far enough to not infringe?"

"Yup.  We made sure of it."  She smirked.  "I have to go school shopping."

"We can do that."  He saved things and followed her out to the car.  "Have you heard from Xander?"

"No.  I got a text a few weeks back but I was out on the boat so I didn't text back until later and I was tired.  I have no idea what I texted back."

"I'll email him later then.  His phone's off."  He drove her off, taking her to the mall.  It was every girl's right to go to the mall.  Plus she could pay for her own clothes thanks to Xander paying her to help him.

***

Detective Ryan joined the others on Sunday, finding the kid napping again.  He nudged the cot, making him jump up.  "Coffee?" he offered, holding out his cup.

"Soda?"  Flack tossed him a can with a smile.  "Thank you."  He walked them down there.

"Did you get any others?" Flack asked casually.  "The spook that came to talk to us said something about another present."

Xander shrugged and went to look, coming back with a case.  "Yeah, that wasn't mine."  He went to look at other things.  "Shit," he said in awe.  "Someone gave me a huge ass dead snake wrapped around an altar."  He stared at it then walked to another room shaking his head.  He finished the soda and tossed the can out.  The can crunched it up so they all stared for a minute.  "It ate it.  Huh.  Cool."  He checked and burst out laughing.  "Was that other present a huge ass tank?"

"Maybe."   Mac went to look and groaned.  "Yes.  Check the other rooms, Xander."  He went to do that with Flack's helpful input.  They could put anything too huge together so it could easily be taken out.  Xander jogged out to stop Ryan from touching something and got him an ambulance since it was poison coated.  That got bagged up and put into a box with a written warning on it.  That could go to the lab too.  They were finding all sorts of neat things Xander couldn't have anymore.  It was an excellent day for the lab.

The End.

Chapter 12: Wrecking The Plans

Someone thinks Xander is sending out too much info on the hunters.  So they have a plan.  Which Xander's not going to let go on without a fight.  Pity about the others who end up getting dragged in.  Some Angst In Here!

Rick watched tv, bowl of popcorn in his lap.  He was having a good day.  He had written more than his word goal for the day.  Alexis was in school again.  Things were quiet.  That nagging feeling he had finally disappeared earlier.  Then the entertainment channel started to show something on Xander.  "Paula!" he yelled.  She came running out.  He pointed.

She stared, watching the trainwreck in motion.  "That's not a relative of his.  He said he only had one uncle."  She called her publishing company's legal department to have them stop it immediately.

Castle called the kid.  "Tara, it's Rick.  Have you seen something about a documentary on Xander's life?"  He checked.  "No, it's on repeat right now on one of the digital channels.  I think 165 in the city but don't quote me.  Yeah, that thing.  Does he know?  No, you have to tell him, Tara.  Today."  He hung up and groaned.  "She's seen it, was already working against it, but she hadn't told him.  He's at the cabin this weekend."

"Shit," Paula muttered.  He wasn't answering his phone either.  She left a detailed voice message to get in touch with her.

***

Xander, he had already heard through other sources.  He was meeting with the people who had done it.  "I didn't know I had another uncle," he said bluntly, making the guy flinch.  Xander stared at him.  "I hate to tell you this, but you just cost that network millions and yourself too, plus time in jail."

"I didn't do nothing wrong.  They bought it," he said with a sneer.

Xander smirked.  "It's still considered fraud to take money for a lie like that.  Especially since we can prove it.  Because that's not my mother's maiden name."

"That was on your birth certificate."

"Yeah, which was refiled six times because she was too drunk to remember stuff."  The other hunter glared.  Xander stared at him and moved closer.  "Also, you should be aware that I'm the seer that gave John Winchester the information on the demon after his family."  The man went pale.  "Since I've seen the next three, there's nothing saying I have to tell anyone."

"You'd never do that as a real hunter."

"Ah, see, I was trained the slayer way.  The people who handle the real, actual problems.   Not the Council way but the slayer code."  He stared at him.  "You're quickly pushing me into a corner where I'm going to out every single hunter there is.  Plus the demonic community at both levels.  Then... well, you won't make it through the next apocalypse anyway so it won't much matter to you but I might miss Dean and Sam.  They're stand up guys."  He stared at him.  "I'm sure you'll have fun in prison.  I can ask them to put you near my parents or my actual uncle, Mr. Singer.  Maybe you'll learn from this mistake.  Because the Powers aren't unahppy with me."

"Higher demons don't count, boy," he sneered.

"They're the higher power over the slayers, Mr. Singer.  Clearly you're not as smart as you think."  He waved the guy with his car over.  "This is him."  The officer pulled out cuffs.  "You made a huge mistake and if you press it, I'll have to do what I have to do.  Like I said, I've already seen ahead and you won't make it through there.  Tell Pietra I said hi."  He walked off.  He paused when he saw who was pulling in, shaking his head.  "I take it you guys saw that stupid thing he did?"

"We did," Dean said, getting out of the car.  "A few hunters think you've blown us open."

"He pressed it and you know what, if the Powers That Be were pissed about exposing slayers and hunters, they'd have stopped me."  Dean went pale.  "I'll miss you guys terribly after the next few apocalypses.  You guys are stand up guys and I like the hell out of you."

"What apocalypses?" Dean demanded calmly.

Xander stared at him. "My vision this morning says that I don't have to say a damn thing."  He pointed at where Sam was having one.  "You better hope he's getting them."

"You'd do that to everyone?" Dean demanded.  "Over this piddling shit?"

"Hmm.  For taking everything I have away from me?  Yeah, I might.  I might jump in if Buffy needs me but no.  You guys screwed the mutt.  Badly.  Didn't even use lube.   See, if you looked, Dean, there's a shitload of prophecies that say don't piss off the seers.  Nothing but morals says we have to say anything about anything we see.  And I didn't learn morals or teamwork, or even loyalty.  The girls neglected that."  He walked around him.  "Good luck, Sam.  Let me know if you need some of that headache powder."

"Xander!" Dean called.

"As the story I found online said, Dean, don't piss off the seeker.  We do important jobs."  He gave him a dirty look.  "You agreed with his actions with others.  The community's heard you guys agreeing it was the right thing to do.  This will also end up probably outing the slayers and the Council, which means they're going to hunt all of us down and kill us all.  Congrats.  They're not as nice as the higher demons.  To them it's like the mob, it's all business."  Dean gaped.  "And I can't stop a thing because he started it.  All I can do is play the hand I'm dealt."  He disappeared, going back to New York to the gym.  Since his life was now threatened, he should probably be in better shape again.  He had fallen out of patrol readiness.

Dean glared at Bobby as he was led away.  "You just had to do that, didn't you?"

"He can't do anything.  What's he going to do, whine to them?"

"Who said they're backing him up?" Sam demanded as he got out.  "They're scared to death this will start another Initiative style mess.  You just started off the next super hunt that gets millions of humans and others killed, Bobby."  Bobby snorted.  Sam shook his head, looking at his brother.  "He's right.  I saw some guy who said I was getting the same information and to look up why you don't piss off the seers.  He doesn't have to tell us a damn thing about what's going to happen."

"That will mean most of everyone will die."

Sam shook his head.  "That's being optimistic, Dean.  The next one is a demon plague released because some of them panicked and called on something higher to protect their clan.  They might live since it'll be really pissed."

"Rats?" Dean asked.  Sam shook his head.  "Roaches?"

"Nope.  Nothing living."  He watched the cop car pull off.  "We're so screwed.  The Council is already coming."

"So we're wanted by both sides now," Dean said dryly.

"Yup, and the ones from England are the sort to believe in the greater good."

"Shit," Dean muttered.  That meant they were screwed.  They called their father.  "Bobby just got arrested," he said in greeting.

"For?"

"That stunt against Harris.  For fraud."

"His house secure?"

"We're not anywhere near his house, Dad.  And I'm doubting that.  Plus, he's had three visions of apocalypses and we're all fucked."

"The boy will share them," he said.  "That's the sort he is.  He can't let anyone die."

"He said he never got taught loyalty, the girls missed that," Sam said.  "Also, I got shown them.  The guy who showed me said he was the messenger for the Powers That Be?"

"The higher authority over the slayers," John said calmly.  "And, Sammy?"

"We're screwed.  The Council is going to hunt us all down for the greater good.  Bobby's shit is going to force Xander to out everything, even if it's sealed.  I saw a nice demon plague that not even roaches survived.  Not even blades of grass survived."  John moaned.  "I saw the demon community start protesting and fighting back too.  Not the higher ones, who they screwed so none of their plans worked, but the lower ones he told us about.  I saw one where millions of lives were lost due to that hunt happening, including them hunting us down.  Because you guys got nervous about a fiction writer.  Congrats, Dad.  We'll see you in hell when we make it there.  Since one of the Council is already gunning for you."

Dean cleared his throat.  "Who?"

"I have no idea.  All I saw was his gravestone with this year's date and the little flag on it that showed that the Council got him, I touched it and got what it meant."

"Any month?" John asked calmly.

"No.  And you weren't buried near Mom either.  There was a full graveyard, they looked new but I couldn't find any names."

"Will the government panic?" Dean asked.

"Possibly.  They tried really hard to hide the Initiative stuff."

"All that's been removed, boys," John said.

"Nope," Sam said dryly.  "They're in Homeland and alive.  The good ones are aligned with the slayers too."  John moaned.  "So yeah, they might be protected.  I don't know how this'll turn out but the vindictive shit has to stop soon.  Before it's too late."

"He shouldn't have started writing about hunting," John said.

"He's not the first," Dean reminded him.

"None of them got that sort of attention or was so believable," John pointed out.  "They were all done by kids of hunters and their parents were pressured to stop them."

"Xander pointed out something.  There's all sorts of mentions in prophecies that say not to piss off the seers."

"Prophecy is for the weak," John snorted.

"Buffy's the only known slayer to ever twist them, and that was thanks to Xander," Dean said quietly.  "We might be screwed."

"He'll show up.  He's a knight."

"Yeah, one who is way overdue for a vacation," Dean said.  "He'll protect his friends but everyone else is gone."  He hung up and looked at Sam.  "Can we stop this?"

"Go back and stop Bobby from doing that stupid thing?"

"His parents are drunks and in jail," Dean said.  Sam gave him a clueless look.  "Get in touch with them.  They can sue the people and get it shut down."

"They might but so can Xander."

"He probably is but his mother's going to get them for libel too.  It's better to have two plans going."

"True."  He got into the car to do a search on his phone.  "His father and mother are in New York's system.  His uncle is in Montana, moved from California due to overcrowding.  Apparently his DUI with homicide actually gave him time."

"We're closer to Montana."  He got in to drive.  Maybe they could help stop it and calm Xander down.  He hoped.  He didn't want to see another apocalypse battle.

***

Xander walked into the office of the head of the channel with his lawyer behind him.  "Mr. Chapman?"

"Yes?"  He smirked.  "Aww, you're upset."

"Yes, that you talked to someone I wasn't related to."  The man gaped.  "He's been arrested for it already.  You can press further fraud suits against him.  By the way, that wasn't my mother's maiden name either.  She was so drunk, she put her former married name."  He smirked.  "I do have another uncle, but he's in an insane asylum."  He put something down in front of him.  "That is a desist order to quit showing that stupidity."

"You can't stop the press."

"You're not the legitimate press," the lawyer told him.  "You're not guaranteed the same rights."

"But you can get sued," Xander said happily.  "I need to buy a new car anyway."  He stared at him.  "I'm not going to let you do anything else.  If we have to go trial, good.  Yay."  He stood up straighter.  "By the way, I'm told you should expect ones from my parents from their jail cells.  Unfortunately they tried to screw with me too."

"You're nothing, kid," the CEO said.

"Yeah, I've heard that before right before I ended something's life."  He stared at him.  "Some of us aren't scared of you.  I've seen worse leeches and I doubt anyone else will ever hire you with this hanging over you.  Or that supposed reporter who didn't check her sources.  Or even talk to the parents."  He shook his head.  "Pity she was so sloppy."  He walked out.  "Hand him the other stuff."

He smirked as he handed over the folded papers.  "Notice of the lawsuit against you personally for authorizing that supposed documentary, the network for showing it repeatedly, and each time from now on it is shown you will incur another ten million dollar fine by the restraining order, and the reporter.  Do have a better day."  He followed the young author to the car.  "Xander, what happens if he presses it to court and asks you about the poker circuit?" he asked in the elevator.

Xander smirked.  "They're avoiding me like the plague but I still have those who owe me."  He shrugged.  "And copies of all the paperwork."   He got off and got into the waiting cab, heading for the airport.

The lawyer called the publishing house to let them know it was served.  That way they could put press attention on it being wrong.  Though it had been a good human interest story before they found out it was a fake.

***

Xander walked into the bar in Sunnydale that night.  "You'd think me saving your kids and some of you would count for something.  But that's cool.  You guys just pissed off the only seer who has all the facts for the next five apocalypse battles."  The bar got really quiet as they stared at him.  "And by the way, those who owe me, pay up by next week or I'm summoning you for the court case and making sure you can't lie."  He smirked at one.

"Especially your clan."  He swallowed, shaking his head.  "Yeah.  You owe me a life debt.  I'm back in vindictive bitch mode.  I learned it really well from Buffy and Willow."  He walked out again.  "The end of the week or else."  He got sent back to LA by the one he had waiting.  "Hey," he said with an evil smirk.  Cordelia gave him a worried look, backing away slowly.  "Yeah.  I'm a bit pissed off."

"You weren't this pissed at Anya."

"You gave a reporter a quote?"

"Um...  I said that you were never suicidal, just a dweeb?" she guessed.

"Not that one."

"Oh."  She winced.  "I'm sorry.  They totally cut most of what I said, Xander.  I really did not say that."

Xander stared at her.  "Have fun with your visions, Cordy.  You and Sam are the PTB's second choice to see them for the really bad shit."

"It'll kill her," Angel said bluntly.

"That's not my call either," Xander said, staring at him.  "The Powers are not happy.  Because to stop this shit, I'm going to have to out the hunters at the very least.  By the way, have we noticed the Council team here to take out all of you?  They're at the Hyatt."  Angel growled.  Xander shrugged.  "For the greater good they don't want it exposed.  Buffy's already on the list.  I've already evacuated Joyce."  He shrugged.  "I can only do what I can, Angel.  What did you want me to do?  Let them keep going so I lost everything?"

"You could've taken the hit," he sneered.  "You're meant to be a sacrifice."

"Yeah but for some reason the Mayor forgot about me a lot."  He stared at him.  "Also, we should be aware they do know about Willow's child.  They're very anxious so they won't kill her today."  He stared at him.  "We know exactly who helped.  I got that vision too."  He looked at her.  "You have a good life, Cordelia.  I sent you the stuff I use for the headaches last week."

"Xander, it doesn't have to be this way," she said.  "You could talk to the Council."

He stared at her.  "You realize they showed that supposed documentary in sixty countries?"  She went pale, shaking her head.  "Yeah.  In this one it's been shown five times so far.  They're showing it extra in retaliation for the law suit.  The judge is going to destroy them for it."  He shrugged.  "And there's nothing I can do because I didn't start it.

"Angel helped start it by pushing on some hunters when they were local."  He looked at Angel.  "Congrats.  By the way, the Powers do know.  You're their champion, they actually watch you."  He walked off.  That was all he was going to do for his former friends/near family.  He had already warned Rick to keep everyone he cared about close and safe.  Xander went home to have a beer.  It was definitely a beer night.  This was so screwed up.

***

Xander looked at the person on the stand the next month.  "May I question him?" he asked the judge.  "My lawyer doesn't want to ask a few particular ones."

"You may even though it's not usual."

Xander looked at the being on the stand.  "Are you normally that color?"  The judge opened his mouth.

"No," the demon said, letting his illusion drop.  Everyone in there gasped.

"Why are you here today?" Xander asked.

"I owe you about seventy thousand from a poker debt."

"You're admitting that?" the judge asked.  He looked at Xander.  "That can go against his credibility."  Xander held up a hand.

Xander looked at him.  "Have I asked you to lie?"

"No.  You told me to tell the absolute truth, even if it wasn't pretty.  Because there's people who'll probably hunt and kill us if this information gets out."

Xander nodded.  "Can your people lie?"

"No.  It's something that we cannot do by our clan's gifts," he sighed.  "It's why we're healers usually and therapists."  The judge shuddered.  "Among our own peoples, Your Honor."

"Dismissed," the judge ordered.  He ran from the room, putting back on his illusion.

"I call Mr. Harris to the stand," the other attorney demanded.

"Of course," Xander agreed, walking up there and sitting down.  He took his oath and got comfortable. He stared at the lawyer, who was a demon.  He had recognized him as Wolfram and Hart.  "Whenever you're ready."

The man stared at him.  "You claim there are people who get real visions."

"Yes.  That's why I had things ready before the last major battle in LA."  The lawyer gaped.  "That's also why I stopped another one by giving someone information I got given to save himself and his family."

"You claim demons are real?"

"Yes."

"Prove it."

"To do that we have to leave the courtroom," Xander said.  "Which means all the careful protections you wove around it are going to be for nothing.  Which will let the information spread."

"We can go on a short field trip," the judge ordered when the lawyers both started to protest.

"Up the street short enough?" Xander asked.  He nodded so Xander walked them out and up the street to the unusually quiet playground.  But the orphans always hung out here.  He pointed.  "They're orphans so no one told them they should hide," he told the judge.  "They're very nice.  Most demons, even the other side's lawyer, are harmless for the most part."  He smiled.  "We've never hunted a harmless one on my former team, Your Honor.  I've helped stop things when they were being harmed.  This is going to kill them all and a good number of humans."

He stared.  "They're children."

"Yes.  Because of the recent problems, there's been an increase in how many there are."  He looked at the lawyers, who were stiff.  "I do what I did to protect them and the other humans who don't have to know.  So they won't have to know."

The judge swallowed and nodded.  "Back to the courtroom.  Do they have social workers?"

"Not that I've seen," Xander admitted.  "In Sunnydale we had a few.  I haven't seen any here in New York."  He walked beside his lawyer, who was texting someone.  "They'll be fine.  There were people watching I'm sure.  By tonight they'll either drive them off or find them a better and safer place to play."

The judge settled himself in his seat again, banging them back into order.  "All right," he said.  "I can see why the proceedings needed to be closed."  He looked at Xander.  "You do have visions?"

"Yes.  I foresaw a great hunt of them because the other side unwisely decided to come after me for being a good writer.  They decided it outed the hunters and I was to suffer for it.  Some of them even suggested killing me to make sure it stopped.  Thankfully there's people who would've stopped it anyway."  He looked at the other side.  "Next month in LA a hellgod's going to appear again.  Some of the lesser ones are going to call on him to protect them.  Some of them might live past the plague he's more than happy to start on humanity for daring to hurt them.  Good luck with that."  He looked at the judge again.  "May I be excused?  I'm feeling a bit ill."

"Go then come back, Mr. Harris."  He nodded and went to get a drink then hide in the bathroom.  He looked at the other side.  "Settle this shit so I can seal it?"

"Sir, it's still been exposed.  It can still ruin countless lives."

"Will it get worse if we go forward?"

"Maybe.  Only a seer could tell you for sure."

"Yes," Sam said from his seat.  "It will get worse.  Because Xander's going to have to hand over classified information on a government program that experimented and killed a lot of demons.  Which will get their new group in Homeland taken out.  Plus others."

The judge stared at him.  "Are you a seer?"

"Yes.  The same ones that gave them to Xander have begun to use a few others for the things only he used to see.  He used to only see the really horrible things.  I've never seen a genocide before, even when we were heading to help handle an apocalypse battle.  Now, I have three times recently."  Xander walked in.  "That headache stuff works."

Xander nodded.  "It's all you can do when all you see are bodies on a field.  It's that or blowing your brains out."  He sat down again.  "Thank you for letting me have that time out."

The judge coughed, looking at them.  "Do we have to go forward?"  He looked at Sam.  "Which one are you?"

"Sam Winchester."  The demon gaped.  "I know Bobby real well.  He helped raise me.  I also know that he's not Bobby and that we're all going to lose if he's allowed to continue this."

"You're sure it's not him?" the judge asked.  Sam spilled something on him, making him scream in agony.  "I suppose not.  Acid?"

"Holy water.  He's possessed.  He's probably kicking his own ass right now."  Xander sighed and slumped, looking happier.  He wouldn't tell Xander he might not have been when all this started.  The doors banged open and Willow stomped in.  "Rosenburg."

"Sam."  She stared at Xander.  "They came for my husband, Xander."

"I warned you guys, which was all I could do outside of taking out their team," he said hotly, hopping up to look at her.  "I warned everyone who was there.  Didn't Cordy tell you?  Or Angel?"  She nodded, looking ready to cry.  "Did you want me to start assassinating the Council?  Really?"

"Yes!  He's my husband!"

He stared at her.  Then at the judge.  "If he had, he would have been held for murder charges, young lady.  Even knowing all this he'd have to pay for it," he said calmly.  "Can he be rescued?"

"Riley's people are trying," she sniffled.  Xander walked over to hug her but she batted at him.  Sam took her to hold, letting her cry on him.

Xander looked at Sam, shaking his head.  "I think your dad was with them."

"He was," he agreed.  "Riley can do it.  He's a decent Ranger even if he is a miserable human being."

Xander looked at the demon.  "If she loses it again, you won't win anyway.  She nearly ended the world the last time."  He shuddered.  "So call them off."  He waved a hand and the retrieval team plus the captured people were there.  "Where's the other one?" Xander asked.

"I don't care about the children of lesser beings," he sneered.

"Shit," Xander said.  He took Graham's gun.  "C'mon.  That kid's the child of a Counselor on the LA demon council."  Graham nodded and left with him.  Willow was sobbing on her husband.  Sam was staring at his father.   Xander and Graham got there in time to save the child, barely, and stop the riot, again barely.  Buffy helped.  "They're in the courtroom," he told her across the crowd.

"Willow too?"  He nodded.  "Thank you."

He tossed her the gun.  "I quit.  None of you respect me for anything I've done.  The fact that you didn't try to call off the Council, that Giles didn't, means that you wanted it to happen."  He walked off, going home.  He was going to move.  Mars sounded nice.  Maybe wherever John and Rodney were was nicer.  Let them handle the wrapping up of the problem the demons has created by nudging humans.

***

John looked around.  "Finn, why are you still here?" he demanded.

"My job is to protect Rosenburg in case she loses it again."

John slugged him.  "That's not the duty."  He looked at her.

"Go!  Stop him!"

Sam groaned, holding his head.  "The riot's stopped."  He took a few deep breaths, then looked at his 'uncle'.  "You've already lost.  They've outed everything.  The Council included so their own people can stop them.  Not all people will allow the genocide and they'll stop them when they start going after hunters.  Long before they can wipe out all the demon populations."

"Not before they take out the three keystone societies," he sneered.

"No, we have them guarded," Riley said.  "Cordelia warned us.  Remember, there is more than one seer.  Even if the PTB went with the backup plan this time, it's still stopped."  The demon hopped up but Riley shot him in the chest with the flare round.  The demon burned.  Bobby Singer got a bit singed.  "Fat chance."  He looked at Sam.  "Xander?  We're supposed to be taking him into protective custody."

Sam shrugged.  "No clue.  I saw him at an airport but not which one or what flight."

"Damn," he muttered, calling that in.  John took it from him and stomped on it.  Sam smiled at him for that.  "We need to protect him!"

"I think you've done enough with the over reacting you've done, Finn."  He looked at his son.  "Calm him down?"

"I don't know how to do that, Dad.  How do you calm down a guy like Xander when you've ripped apart his world?"

"We're going to start with an announcement that this was a hoax," the judge announced.  "Then we will rip up all copies of that film.  We will make sure none of the records of this trial get put anywhere, even recorded.  It will be sealed permanently thanks to the deal the corporation is going to make for nearly causing all of humanity to die.  And yes, I am including any other peaceful species we have on this planet, gentlemen."

The corporate lawyer swallowed.  "I'll have to check on what they consider acceptable and get him to agree."

"You're going to be paying through the nose because I won't accept anything too small for him even if we do find him."  The lawyer nodded, texting that back.  He got an order to call in and walked out talking to them.  He looked at the publisher's lawyer.  "Try to get him to calm down before things get worse?" he suggested.

"I have no idea who would know where he is," he admitted.  "I'll tell his publisher, she knows him better than most.  She knows all his friends too."  He walked out calling her.  "Paula, it's Philip with legal.  You need to find Mr. Harris.  No, we won.  He averted the problems but we won.  We're in settlement talks and need him here.

"Um, no, and we're not certain of his mental state right now.  He was a bit upset over some things that came out during the trial.  Exactly, yes.  Yes, it was that bad.  Thank you."  He hung up and walked back in there.  "She'll call everyone she can think of, Your Honor."  The other lawyer walked back grimacing.  "The entertainment company not agree?" he asked dryly.

"The head of the law firm told me to kill myself," he admitted.  "The CEO of the other company is begging for hell to come take him away."  He looked at the judge.  "I'm authorized to only offer up to three million."  The judge snorted.  "That's all I'm authorized and the board will have to approve anything higher, Your Honor."

"Get them here," he said bluntly.  "Or inform them that they nearly caused a witch hunt and nearly got a lot of people killed, including them.  We will not accept stalling."  He nodded, sitting down to call.

John looked at his son.  "That law firm?"

"Evil," Sam agreed.  "Very evil."  The lawyer glared.  "I was nearly hired there, yeah I'm aware of it."  The lawyer shuddered.  He looked at Willow and her husband.  "All right, you two, go cry at home."  She nodded, taking them back there.  The baby demon pouted.  "I know.  We'll get you back in a minute, all right?"  She nodded, sucking her thumb.

"I can take her," one of Riley's people said.

Sam stared at him.  "Like hell.  We don't trust any of you."  He picked up the baby, patting her on the back.  "It'll be okay.  All the mean people are dumb and we're going to stop them," he soothed.

"You're very nice for a people," she said quietly, putting her head down.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome, princess."  He sat down with her.  His father gave him an odd look so he glared back.  "She's a child, Dad."

"I know that.  I've never seen you be that paternal."

"I learned a lot watching Dean."  John sighed but nodded.  "Can you call?"

"Definitely."  He called the rest of the group.  "Buffy, John Winchester.  Willow forgot the baby."  He hung up.  The room shook as a higher group of demons appeared.  "Easy!  Sam's only comforting her."

"He's a very nice people," the baby agreed, holding her arms up.  She kissed Sam on the cheek.  "Thank you for handling the scary people for us."  She let the guards pick her up.  "Is it all done with?"

"Yes, dear," the guard said, staring at her.  "Are you all right?  Did they hurt you?"

"No.  The bad people didn't and the nice people like him are sweet.  He cuddles very well."

"Thank you, Winchester," he said with a nod.  He took the baby, the guard unit following.

Sam grinned.  "It's nice they know me."

"It's a problem," John corrected.

Sam suddenly grabbed his head, holding it with a moan.  "Damn it!  They're worse than the demon's visions."  He squinted, concentrating on the picture.  "Shit.  Buffy's going to go after Xander for all this.  She thinks he knew."

John called Tara to send her to calm the slayer down.  Tara landed him in front of Buffy.  "He didn't know.  Right now he's so damn upset there's a hunt to make sure he doesn't jump off somewhere high because he didn't have a clue.  All he got was the visions, Buffy."

She glared at him.  "He had to know more than that."

"He warned you of what he knew.  The same as he warned Dean and Sam."  Cordelia nodded.  "See, ask the seers."

"He ...."  He glared.  She glared back.  "Then why wasn't he here?"

"The trial was today."

"Oh."  She frowned.  "The baby?"

"She's fine.  Guards came to get her and she seemed comfortable with them so we let them."

"Good."  She walked off growling.  "Angel, he didn't know."

"He didn't," Cordelia said when he opened his mouth.  "Willow, will his soul stay during an exorcism?"

"Yup."

"Then, John, please attempt it for us?"  He nodded, grabbing Angel to walk him off.  Buffy was helping.  She didn't know how to do a proper one anyway.   It might help with Xander's gifts later.  Cordelia rubbed her forehead.  "I think this time it really is brain splitting."  She looked up.  "Willow, can you please snatch and grab Xander, putting him in front of someone he knows, either the detectives or that other writer guy?"  She nodded, working that.  She had a link into Tara and Xander in case of emergencies.  Cordelia looked up.  "Are you happy now?" she yelled.  "Leave me the fuck alone!  I don't have his pain tolerance!"  She went to lay down with the headache powder Xander had found that worked.

Buffy leaned out.  "We heard yelling?"

"Cordelia telling the Powers to shut up," Willow quipped.

Buffy nodded.  "She could use a nap."  She closed the door and went back to helping.  John was really good at Latiny stuff.

***

Xander found himself in the police station, looking around.  "I wasn't here a minute ago," he said dryly.

Ryan, the only one there, looked over.  "No, you weren't.  Though there was a call to find you."

"Why?  Did someone else need to use my ass to start an apocalypse attempt?"

"Huh?"

"That supposed documentary?  That was the start of one.  Could've destroyed everyone."

"Huh.  Okay.  Anything we need to be aware of?"

"Yeah, the people with the contract on my life are even grumpier than usual."

"Huh.  Then you can stay here."  He called Paula.  "I have Xander here with me at the station.  Magically imported."  He hung up.  "She'll let the lawyer know.  She said to tell you that it's done with, they're talking settlement, and it's fully sealed."

Xander shrugged.  "It still probably won't stop everything and then I'll have to hunt the Council."

"Again, our job," Ryan reminded him.  "Not a Xander job, a detective job."

"You can't really...."

"We have overcrowded jails that would love to house them," he said bluntly.  "Go make me some coffee?"  Xander nodded, heading that way.   He sent a text to Castle to let him know because he'd worry a lot.  Plus maybe he could help him straighten out the kid.  "Hey, Xander, is Tara maybe possessed?"  He read his email.  "I got one from her saying she had found a nice guy."

Xander leaned out.  "That would explain some things.  Dean's with her and the others."

"Okay.  Who's Dean?"

"Another hunter.  The training team in DCIS's big brother."

"Oh.  That explains that."  He emailed her back.  Then he walked in to grab Xander's phone and see if he had the number.  "She's definitely screwed up somehow."  He found one.  "Sam Winchester?  Detective Ryan.  No, I have Xander and his phone.  Tara is apparently possessed or something.  Because she's thinking about guys.  Yes, her.  Exactly.  Plus she's gone fully mother hen over him and only wants him to date, checked his mail for him, all that."  He smirked.  "He said Dean was with her?  Do you know him?  Thank you."  He hung up and walked off, keeping the phone.   Xander brought him coffee.  "Thanks, kid.  Sit, relax, let it go."

Xander shook his head.  "I need to go get into a fight to do that."  He slumped in the chair.  "I'm wound up," he said at the look he got.   "Well past the point of hiring someone in the club to fix it for me."

"If we're invaded you still can't fight anyone," he told him.  "Remember, retired."

Xander shrugged.  "I do what has to be done."

"That's how you end up in these situations where you can't let it go.  It becomes a vicious cycle.  One of these days you're going to snap."

"Yeah, probably later tonight," Xander sighed.  "Hopefully it snaps."

"I wasn't talking that sort."

"No, there's too many prophecies where me being turned starts off the end of th slayers.  They don't want that so they'll only kill me."

"That would be a bad thing."  The kid looked at him.  "What?  You don't think so?"

"You know I have visions, right?"  He nodded slowly.  "That means I get to see a lot of what 's going to happen and the outcome.  No matter how horrible it is."

"Oh, damn," he muttered.  "How bad?"

"Let's see, the demon plague was probably the nicest.  There wasn't anyone left to do a _Stand_ like move."

Ryan shuddered.  "Okay, you need to purge some of that and I get that, but now I'll have nightmares."

"If I could get it out of my head, I would."

"Writing?"

"No, I'm still writing sex and weapons for some reason.  At least it's a fluffy counterpoint to the other things."  He shifted and winced, tossing his knife on the desk.  Ryan put it into his desk.  "Thanks."

"Don't want it stolen.  You never know who'll show up here."  He looked at him.  "How do you feel about drinking until you black out?"

"That might help me get to sleep, yeah.  It might even lead to a fight."

"Probably," he agreed.  "But it could help you too."

"Yeah but I don't want to follow my parents' bad example."

"So don't.  Don't do it again tomorrow night."  He finished up his paperwork and looked at the kid.  "C'mon, I know a decent bar.  There probably won't be any fights but it'll be fine."

Xander shook his head.  "I really need a fight."

"Yeah but you won't find it without a cell in the morning and you might slip and go too far."  He walked him down to the car.  He saw the pouty look and mentally smirked.  "Hey, I could call up my last ex," he offered.

"No offense but if she liked you she probably wouldn't like me."

"Probably not," he agreed with a smirk.  He got in.  Xander stared then sighed and got in.  He drove him off.  For some reason they ran into Castle, who showed up at the same bar.  "Long night with the daughter?"

"No.  She's still grounded and thinking."  He looked at Xander.  "You should write what you did on your road trip so she can hand it to the other parents she knows.  That way they can talk about things they never dreamed about doing."

Xander shrugged.  "Maybe."  He paid for the first round and sat down at a back corner table to protect himself.

The other two shared a look and followed.  "What happened?" Rick asked.  "Paula was frantically trying to find you."

"The court case was today and it was a bad thing from the start," Xander admitted.

"Ah.  She thought it might be that."  He sipped his beer.  "We need a deck of cards."

Ryan snickered.  "No, we don't.  I can't lose too much of my paycheck this week."

Xander shrugged.  "I have to pick up a royalties check I think."

"She sent it."

"Then Tara hopefully deposited it but I didn't see it."

"Then maybe she's hiding it," Ryan said with a grin.

"I can only hope so."  He took a drink.  "You still have my phone."

"Yup, that way I hear if there's something going on," Ryan agreed.  Rick held out a hand so he handed it over.  "It's not the newest techno toy."

"I'm not all that technical," Xander admitted.  "I only need it to make calls and sometimes text messages.  Keep appointments."  He frowned, sipping his glass of beer.  "Has anyone seen my cats today?  Just in case?"

"They're fine.  Alexis went to snatch them for the night a few hours ago," Rick assured him.  "Tara was apparently having a fit, she wanted them guarded."  He took a drink.  "When was the last time you drank?"

"Been a while."  He thought back.  "I think it was the night after graduation outside of my roadtrip."  He finished his beer and put the glass down.  "Of course, I don't totally remember all of my roadtrip."  Castle snickered and nodded.  "You?"

"I've had a few like that," he admitted dryly.  He drained his beer and got up to get the next round.  If they had to get his mind off things this way, it'd work.  They could have hangovers in thanks of not having the world ended.  That was the best reason they could think of.

***

Rick walked into Xander's place and took off his sunglasses.  He had checked on the kid on and off for days.  "It's a pretty day, why aren't you reading outside like usual?"

Xander shrugged.  "Fighting the smut muses again.  It seems wrong to write post-war calming down sex in the park where there might be kids."  He looked up.  "How's Alexis?"

"She's still grounded and wanting to know if you have anything else for her."

"Not right now.  How's yours going?"

"Eeh, I'm on the second of the summer actually."  He pulled a chair over.  "Why don't you write out some of those?"

"I tried but they're really horrible and I can't do more than stare at them when they're on the computer.  Besides, someone else might see them and get horrified."

Rick nodded.  "True, but there is a market for really dark fiction out there.  Some of my own genre is shifting that way.  It could be more popular than King's stuff."

"I doubt anyone wants to read the end of the world."

Rick shrugged.  "Format it and give it to Paula.  You can weave a story around the seer.  Maybe a new hunting series?"

Xander shrugged.  "Maybe.  I'm still stuck in the smut and weapons."

"There's a market for them too," Rick said dryly.  "How is it going?"

"Hunting party, post war, and whoo hoo we survived the battle smut."

"You need laid," Rick said with a grin.

"Yeah but I think I wore all the bad girls out of New York."

"Not hardly.  They arrest more every day."

Xander nodded.  "But none of them hit on me."

"How can they when you're in here?  Unless it's your stalker?"

"Good point."  He frowned.  "I have a stalker?"

"That hunter?"

"I think they called her off."

"Beckett nearly arrested her this morning."

"Oh.  Sorry.  Maybe I'll go bait her or something."

"You might.  Just be careful."  Xander nodded.  Rick looked around.  "Did Tara move?"

"She's spending the weekend with her new girlfriend in Greenwich."

"Connecticut?"

"Village."

"It's a pretty area."

"All the shops she likes are down there.  Her new girlfriend lives with three other roommates though.  So I'm not sure what's going to happen but I'm keeping all four of the cats."

Rick snickered.  "I'm sure she'll try to steal one."

"No, her girlfriend is allergic."  He beamed an angelically sweet smile at him.  Rick laughed harder.  "Anyway, why come over?"

"Checking on you mostly.  No one's heard from you.  We have the poker game tonight and since you did get that settlement you are rich enough to play."  Xander grimaced.  "I know, your first instinct is to set up something for the people who lost their lives because of it."

"Or Willow's kid."

"That's her parents' job."  He stared at him.  "Beyond that, I heard you were missing your usual game since they're not talking to you again."

"They're not but someone still wanted me to go save a few of them.  I pointed out that most everyone was ignoring me or even shunning me because of what happened thanks to that one hunter.  She said I'd still rescue the kids anyway because I was like that.  I had Tara go.  I'm still pissed at them."

"So come play poker tonight.  We won't let you get drunk.  It's a bunch of other authors.  A few have asked about you."  Xander shrugged a bit.  "C'mon.  Get dressed."  Xander nodded and saved things then went into the bedroom.  Rick shifted seats to look at what he was working on.  "You weren't kidding, this is hardcore smut."

"Yup.  It's also fairly badly written, even for me."

"It could definitely use polished.  Nothing a strong proofread couldn't cure."  Xander came out giving him an odd look.  "Like I said, there's places for it."

Xander nodded.  "But I don't want to be the next Anne Rice."

"I'd hope not.  She's a bit creepy."  He got up and let the kids save and shut things down, then store it in the desk safe so they could head back to his place.  Alexis had let in the other guys so he grinned.  "Guys, this is Xander, AKA Alexian Harris.  Paula and I adopted him when his last agent freaked out because he dates bad and evil things."

"Is that why crime went down?" one quipped.  "Hi, I'm Stephen, this is Dick, and that's Stephen."

Xander smiled and shook their hands.  "I keep looking for my own genre's people in town but I can't find any that aren't really old, female, and/or cranky."  He sat down.  The others laughed and Stephen nodded.

"Quite a few are and they temp in the romance genre too.  It pays better than fantasy.  So, how's the writing going?  I heard you're about as prolific as I am."

Xander shrugged.  "Right now the muses are only giving me smut and weapons.  I have no idea why but I'm not getting on with the next in the Tral universe at all outside of that."

Rick snickered.  "He's one of those that has hundred page days usually, guys."  They all hissed and winced.  "Which is why now and then I let my daughter distract him."

"She does really good telling me when I screw up the organization and government stuff for DCIS too," Xander agreed.

"She was wondering when you'd have something else so she could shop," Rick said, dealing out cards.  "Xander, this is standard poker.  No strange rules."

"Sure.  It's strange playing for cash but sure."  They all smirked at him.  "Tara won't usually let me."

"Wife?" the first Stephen asked.

"Might as well be sister.  She's a librarian."  They all smiled.  "I think she donated half of my books recently too.  Including a signed copy of one of mine."  He shook his head.  "She's with her girlfriend this weekend."

"It's always good when you have someone supportive," the second Stephen said.  "Do you write in any other genres?"

"I tried my hand at action stuff and it sucked *so* badly," he admitted.  Rick nodded that was true.  "My old agent tossed it in the trash in front of me."

Dick snickered.  "I've had a few of those."

"But I'm better now.  DCIS gets action.  No smut but action.  Tral gets some action and more smut.  It all evens out.  As long as I don't turn into Anne Rice."  That got a cackle from the room.  "Seriously," he said, nodding some.  "I'd look sucky."

"You would," Rick agreed, patting him on the back.  "Need any cards?  Ante in."

Xander checked and anted in.  "Two please."  He got dealt them and stared.  Then at him.  "You don't stack the deck, right?" he asked with a grin.

"Nope."

"Good, I'm glad it doesn't mean you hate me."  The other guys smiled, tossing in their newest bets.  "I'm out.  I can't even do it with Hermes on my side.  Can I get drinks?"

"Go ahead.  Make some coffee, and there's beers in the fridge, Xander."  Xander nodded, going to grab things for them.  He got himself a bottle of water.  "Still got a hangover from the other night?" he asked dryly.

"No, thanks to the family history I don't get hangovers.  Though I did try to write and what I wrote sounded like I was taking an acid trip.  I don't know why."  He opened his water and took a sip.  "So I'm abstaining for a bit."

"Probably a good idea, yeah."  His mother walked in.  "Hi, Mother."

"Dear.  Boys.  Xander."  He smiled and waved.  "Where is Tara?  Alexis is pouting horribly."

"At her girlfriend's."

"Did her phone break?"

"It got left in a cab by accident."

"Oh.  I'll let her know."

"She's got mine this weekend in case something happened since I was planning on being home."

"I'll tell her."  She went upstairs to tell her granddaughter that and pick up the thing she needed.  She came back down.  "You boys play nicely and see if you can fix Xander up with something less than his usual evil standard."  She left them alone again.

"That might help, yeah," Rick agreed dryly.  "Been clubbing recently, Xander?"

"That's how I picked up the guy who gave me the howitzer on the volvo."

"Ah."  He nodded.  They all stared at him.  "He's bi, guys.  He just dates evil things."

"I have a few ex's," Dick muttered.

"Don't suggest it.  Mine, Alexis' mother, thinks he's the next best thing to me."  He smiled.

Xander shrugged.  "She enjoyed it but she's somewhere in Europe I think.  I'm hoping none of my other ex's show up wherever she is and pout at her."

They all stared.  "What have you dated?" the first Stephen asked.

Xander grinned.  "Ask him.  His ride-along time got filled with background checks and arresting some."

Rick nodded.  "Yes, we did.  A lot."  They all stared at him.  Rick nodded again.  "I think we arrested twelve of them or something."

"Something like that," Xander agreed.

"Have you heard from the west coast crew?" Rick asked.

"No.  I don't really expect to either with the way things fell out."

"That sucked," Rick said bluntly, looking at him.  "You can make better friends."

"I hope so.  I don't usually make friends.  I tend to make former lovers and then people who tolerate me."

Rick patted him on the head.  "We'll introduce you around so you can pick up one of the nice, shallow socialites who wants to pretend to be evil and then others who read and things."

"Thanks."

"Welcome, kiddo."  He upped his bet.  The others folded.  Rick grinned, raking it toward him.  "I still say you should write your roadtrip from after high school.  Market it to teens and parents so they can talk about it instead of trying it."

"It's not as fun reading about it."

"Yeah but it might stop some of them if you're blunt about what happened afterward."

Xander shrugged.  "I only have fuzzy memories of some of it."

"Another wild child?" the second Stephen asked.

Xander grinned.  "My car exploded, literally a fireball, in Oxnard so I ended up working at a strip club.  Supposedly in the kitchen."  They all moaned.  "Exactly.  Though it was nice that the drag queens tipped me heavily the first time I had to get on the stage because I was so cutely nervous according to them."  Castle snickered, shaking his head.  "One of them offered to help me learn how to do drag too.  I decided I looked a bit too bulky after she dragged me off one weekend."

"Handcuffs?" Castle asked.

"No."

"That pesky 'can't say no to women' problem of yours?"

"Yup."

Castle smirked.  "Beckett's going to use that some day."

"Probably, yeah.   If she was evil, I'd like her.  Unfortunately she's a good girl so she's playing auntie sometimes."

The guys all shook their heads at that.  The kid was a bit warped but fun.

***

Six days later, Xander walked up to the guys out at lunch.  "My stalker is no more."

"You killed her?" Detective Ryan asked, looking him over.  "Or do you need to press charges?"

"No.  Neither.  She decided, after I showed her some things, which was after the fight and the sex and the later fight, that I was right.  Some of them are innocent and just alive."  He shrugged and winced.  "But she's left the city."

"You can still press charges," Esposito offered.  "Because I've seen less bruises on prize fighters."

Xander waved a hand.  "It's fine.  I wasn't going to do anything today anyway."  He shrugged and winced again.  "Sorry, stitches pulling."  He walked off.  "Let her know so she can relax about her please?"

"Yeah," Ryan agreed.  "Get your ass back here, Xander."  He trudged back, giving him a dirty look.  "You will press charges," he ordered.  "Because people look up to you and it looks like the Mother of all domestics got you.  They'll discount it because you do."

"No one looks up to me that way and I told them it was a bar brawl when someone asked. Beyond that, she's necessary and it's cool.  She's back on the road and next time we might not fight first.  Or afterward."

"Yeah, still not going to cut it," Ryan assured him.

Xander glared.   "Drop it, please?"  He walked off again.  "Real guys don't bother when the fights are for a good reason.  It's not like it was a domestic, just her stalking me."

"That's still assault."

"Yay.  It'll cause more problems."

"We'll figure that out later," Esposito said.  Ryan nodded, texting that to Beckett.  "Is Castle back?"

"Yeah.  The night of the trial, he and I got the kid drunk to take his mind off how horrible it was."  He ate a bite.  "Think she's still in the city?" he asked with a nod at her.

He glared and pulled out his cuffs.  She strolled off after Xander.  "If she pounces him again and it's not for sex, we get to arrest her definitely."

"Yup.  Though he was heading for the precinct."  They finished up and hurried back.  They found Beckett arresting her.  "We were going to."

"I saw her hit the kid."

Ryan smirked at her.  "He didn't tell us a thing beyond to leave you alone about it."  She groaned.

"I'm not pressing charges," Xander noted impatiently.  "It wasn't a domestic.  Really."

Beckett stared at him.  "Since I saw her hit you, we don't need you to press charges and I'll be damned if I'm going to let a woman beat anyone as badly as you are."

"He got me just as much," the female hunter complained.

Beckett looked at him then at her.  "He must've gotten you where you don't bruise."  She walked her off.  "Boys, figure out what happened."  She looked back but Xander had disappeared.  "Fine, we'll go find him at home later."  The hunter sighed.  "Tough.  You shouldn't have beaten up on the kid."

"He was talking to the cops.  I didn't want him to turn me in."

"I don't care and he lives up the road.  He was probably out for bread.  He uses this route for that and the park."  She smirked.   "Besides, he doesn't have to press charges since I saw you thump him."

Esposito smirked.  "He's right, she is acting like his aunt," he said quietly.

"Yeah.  She is.  It's almost scary.  I'm scared for when she has kids."  They snickered all the way up there, clearing it before they got off the elevator.  "Maybe she broke his muses' problem," Ryan told Beckett.

"They're having a problem?"

"It's all been smut and weapons.  He can't move on."

"Oh.  Then maybe she did."  She glared at the woman.  She hated bullies.  Her minions wisely went back to work and let her handle it.

The End.

Chapter 13: Damned If You Do

Some time in the warehouse before the invasion in LA happens in this realm.  Thank God for some warning.  Some old friends even show up to help.

Xander was off rescuing someone when he ran into someone interesting.  One of the hostages was in a room full of her picture.  He had no idea who she was.  "Did anyone ever tell you you look like Pepper Potts?" he asked.

She nodded slowly.  "Are you the guy who took me hostage?"

"No, he's in a bendy yet uncomfortably cuffed position.  I'm here rescuing the others."  He walked over to free her of the ropes.  "C'mon, let's get out of here."

"Are you an officer?"

"Nope.  Freeing them for someone else."  He shrugged and led her outside.  "I know a few.  I can get you somewhere safe so you can call home and all that while I call them."  She smiled and nodded.  "I promise, I'm not mean."  He pointed at the other beings.  "Home is to the left," he called.  "Take ten steps then down."  They nodded and walked blindly that way.  "They live underground."

"I guess that's why they look like moles," she said, giving them an odd look.  Xander let her into his car and got in to drive, taking her to the warehouse.  He handed her his cellphone.  "Um, no signal."

"Shoot.  I forgot I still had the jammer on.  Someone gave me a nuclear weapon a few months back and I didn't want a signal to get in here or out for a while," he explained, finding it and turning it off.  "There you go."  He used the desk phone.  "Detective Beckett, it's Xander.  I was rescuing those sewer dwellers and found a people.  She's here at the warehouse with me.  You know no one's going to hurt anyone here," he said dryly when she complained.  "Because you guys have Feds in your office and I make them nervous.  Thank you."  He hung up and grinned.  "They have some stupid idiot of oversight in."  He looked at the fridge.  "I have bottled spring water and soda if you want some.  It shouldn't take too long for someone to get here.  She's arrested more than one of my ex's."

"Can I have a water?"

"Sure."  He looked and got her the coldest one from the back then walked off to let her call in private.  She was looking nervous.  He checked the door, then the peep hole.  No one yet.

***

Beckett hung up.  "Esposito, go to the warehouse.  Xander found someone when he was rescuing someone else.  He's got her safely stored there and she's probably creeped out by now if she's not evil."

"Going," he agreed.  The investigator stood up as well.  "No, you stay."  He walked off.  Ryan blocked him from moving.  The other one on the team gave him an interested look.  "A contact just freed someone being held hostage.  I'm going to pick her up."

"I can follow you."

"No you can't because you guys are creeped out by him."  He got into the elevator and headed down to the garage, driving off as soon as he could and checking for tails.  He made it to the warehouse and found Xander waiting on him.   "Who did you find?"

"She looks a lot like Pepper Potts."

"The actress who played her in the movie?"

"There's been a movie?"

"Yeah, kid.  You need to quit writing so much," he said, patting him on the arm.  "Ma'am, NYPD," he called, heading for the office.  She jumped but he smiled.  "Xander's a fantasy writer," he said quietly.

"Really?"

He nodded.  "That's Alexian Harris," he said quietly, helping her up.  "We're being plagued by federal inventory takers but we can let you rest and recuperate at the station until someone comes for you."

She nodded, following him out.  "Thank you for letting me use your phone, Mr. Harris."

He grinned.  "It's not a problem.  It's the sort of guy I am."  He shrugged.  "Was the movie good?  Apparently I missed it while writing."

"A lot of people thought so."  He beamed and bounced a bit.  "I hope you have an easier day."

"No, I have muses.  They're never easy."

"I know other writers like that," she said with a smile, following the detective out.  Once they were in the car and headed back she looked at him.  "He's really Alexian Harris?  Someone was looking at his DCIS series as a movie."

"Yeah, that's really him.  He's a sweet, goofy kid until someone around him is threatened.  Then he turns into Batman."  She giggled.  "We love the guy anyway.  He dates evil people we get to arrest; he brings some more innocent excitement to us."

"He said someone gave him a nuclear weapon?"

"Yeah, after sleeping with him.   He very nicely turned it in."  She gaped.  He smirked and nodded when they stopped at a red light.  "We love the kid.  He's a good guy most of the time.  He has four cats and a lesbian librarian as a roommate."  He drove on at the honking.  "You were perfectly safe with him."

"Does he never get out?"

"No.  He writes most of the time.  He has a bunch of days where he made a hundred pages a day."

"Wow."

"Unless someone nudges him he never goes out.  He might pick up the next evil thing we have to arrest.  We've all tried to fix him up with nice people but they never take to him."  He shrugged.  "We see him kinda like the country cousin around the station."  He pulled into the parking garage and parked in his spot, turning off the engine.  "Do you need to call anyone?"

"I called a friend in town to come pick me up.  I said I'd call back to tell her where I landed since he was calling you for me."

"That's fine.  You can use our desk phones."  He got out and walked her to the elevator then up to the squad room.  "Guys, Xander just rescued her."  Beckett handed over her phone.

Castle looked up with a smile.  "I figured it was you.  Who had you?"

"I don't know but he had the huge, scary shrine to me and some underground dwellers that looked like moles."

"I can get that from Xander," Beckett said.  "Here, use my phone."

"Here, use mine, the number's probably in there," Castle said, handing it over with a smile.  "Was he bouncy today?"

"He was a bit strange."

"Asked her if the movie was any good," Esposito said.

"Yeah, he never gets out.  I have to have someone fix that," Castle agreed.  She smiled at him.  "He's not shy.  He just never gets out of the house unless someone prompts him."  He shrugged.  Beckett wrote down the address for Xander's last rescue.  Castle looked.  "Richie Morans."

"We know him?" Beckett demanded.

"He's a huge collector," the pretty actress said with a smile.  "I never saw him though.  I woke up with a stack of things to sign but he knocked me back out and tied me to a chair."

"We can take a report," Beckett assured her with a smile.  "That way he's stopped before he does it to someone else."  She pulled up the forms.  The actress called her local friend then handed back the phone and gave the simple statement.  She didn't know very much about what happened.

Ryan looked at his partner.  "Think we should make the kid leave the house tonight?" he asked quietly.

"Knowing him, he's in geek glee and renting movies today."

Castle looked at them.  "His DVD player at home is broken.  That's why he's all but moved into the warehouse again."

"Why?" Beckett asked.  "Just because of that?"

"No, Tara and her girlfriend are fighting.  The cats are all fussy and going to be fixed this week on Thursday.  He's being driven nuts at home so he goes there to write and fondle the sword and battle axe collection."  The actress gave him an odd look.  He smiled.  "Yes he does.  He's a super geek about some things."

"Wow.  He seemed very nice, just a bit...strange."

"Yeah, but no stranger than any other writer."

"Good point.  There's rumors going around that someone's looking at his DCIS series."

"He'll either be horrified or bouncing happily around for days," he assured her.  She smiled back.  "I'm not sure which and it might depend on who tells him and what he's doing.  We share a publishing agent."

"I'll let that be known."

"He's really prolific too.  She has ten or twelve books she's holding back for him."

"Wow.  In that series?"

"In all four series."

"Huh."  She nodded.  "Some of them are really cute."

He smiled.  "Tral's addictive.  I swear it is.  It gives you the strangest dreams if you read them before bedtime too."  She giggled and nodded.  "Let them know and I'll casually suggest to Xander that people are thinking that way. That way it's not sprung on him suddenly and he freaks out."

"Thanks."  Her friend came off the elevator.  "Michael."

He smiled.  "Are you all right?"

"Yes.  A very nice young man rescued me, got me to safety so I could call the first time, and got these officers to come get me."

"Do we need to find him and thank him?"

"No, we know Xander very well," Castle assured him with a smile.

"Harris?" Michael asked.  Castle nodded with a smirk.   "Figures.  The Batman of writers."  He shook his head.  "C'mon, I've already called around.  You can have my spare room until we can get you a flight home."

"Thank you all," she said with a smile.  "Tell him thank you as well."  She walked out with him, talking quietly.  She wanted to play one of the female detectives *so* badly if they made it into a movie.

***

Detective Ryan led the way into the warehouse.  "Xander?" he called.

"Downstairs in the armory," he called back.

"Cool.  That's why we're here."  He walked down there, looking around.  "You kept the snake and altar?"

"Yeah, it's blood tainted and I didn't want to interrupt the thing stopping the summoning from finishing.  Since I can't figure out how to break it, I'll leave it that way and safely keep it out of other hands."

"I like that idea," Beckett said, glancing in there.  "It is a huge snake around the altar."

"It's all custom basalt work too," Xander said.  "It's pretty if you like snakes."

"Very."  She smiled.  "I heard you got more weapons?"

"Since when?"

"Since last night?"

"Not that I've seen."  He waved a hand.  "Look around, guys.  I haven't seen anything here and I've been here all night.  Did we check the other place?"

"Yup, they said they didn't get anything.  Since we got faxed the list."  She handed it over.

Xander stared.  "That's in bin 13 at the other place.  That's the inventory I think."  He found the inventory for over there and looked at it.  "Yeah, it is."

"Minus two things," she agreed.

Xander looked then at her, shrugging a bit.  "I've been here all night."

"Good.  Can anyone else verify that?" Esposito asked.

"Were they used somewhere?"

"There was a suspicious fire fight downtown by Union Square last night," she admitted.

"Uh-uh.  Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.  No!  No, I was here last night because I was having a headache thanks to Tara.  She's leaking magic and I was so wobbly I couldn't drive.  I stopped at the little corner store right before it closed for some tylenol and soda since I'm out."

"All right," she said.  "Ryan, go check that."  He nodded, going to the other storage area.  "Let's look around here, make sure it's not here."

"Sure, but don't touch things," he reminded her.  "Last time you set off a mystical artifact that nearly got you eaten."

"I remember."  They looked around, no new weapons down there.  "Are you missing a sword?"

"Yes.  I decided I didn't like the overly decorated blade so I sold it."

"Wasn't that an artifact that was already here?" Esposito asked.

"Yup but I sold it to a highly skilled demon guard who had wanted it.  It was kinda over-decorated yet too light for me.  For a ceremonial blade it'd be in better hands with him."

"Probably since it was so pretty."  They looked around the other areas.  They were very careful not to touch anything.  Ryan called in the update.  "It was there.  Someone apparently sent us the inventory to update it after using it."

"The guard said no one had been in," she said.

"Yeah, he's another that's pissed at me that they used me to try an apocalypse run."

"That makes no sense," Beckett said.

"If I had been one of the community and that had been done to me, even without my consent, then they would've killed me.  Outing the community is a death penalty offense."

"Any idea on who used it?"  He shook his head.  "Could it have been Tara?"

"No.  She hates guns.  Always has."

"Any idea if it was human or demon?"

"Where was it used?" Xander asked.

"The school that most of the community uses," Beckett said.

"Demon," he said dryly.  "There's been a lot of strife out of there based on clan allegiances, loyalty issues, and what they're teaching some of the clans about the combined history.  Because I haven't heard of a hunter here in town recently.  I wouldn't rule it out but I know a few demon clans that have been protesting it a lot.  Vocally."

"Okay, I get that," she agreed.  "Can we find out for sure?"

He shook his head.  "I burned all my contacts when they used me.  If I hadn't fought back I might still have some but I'd also probably be dead."

"Kid, what's this locked room?" Esposito asked.

"Council people I'm giving back to the LA team."

"Um, no," she said.  "Because they might let them go."

He shrugged.  "I got ordered to hand over all of them to the LA team by Giles."

"No.  Sorry.  Did they try to take the contract on you?"  He nodded, staring at her.  "You don't look surprised."

"I'm not.  I knew they'd start hunting the hunters because of what happened.  Hell, I saw them taking out a good portion of them right before the next emergency.  Which we'll need all the weapons we can find and I'm having an ethical dilemma."

She stared at him.  "You're having an ethical dilemma?" she asked.  He nodded.  "Why?"

"Because I hate my former friends like hell for the way they stuck up for the demons trying to screw me over and yet we're going to have an apocalypse battle in downtown LA in a few months."

She considered it.  "Did they know?"

"Probably.  And they hate me just as much for sticking up for myself.  They said I should've just given up and died as a sacrifice to stop it."

"Okay, first, you need better friends.  I've never encouraged anyone I thought of as a friend to commit suicide, even if it was going to save a whole lot of people," she said, staring at him.  "Secondly, you can warn others and have, right?"

"I need to make sure they remember.  I handed over those warnings before the book trip and all that mess."

"Tell me too so I can see if we can help.  I'll release some of the weapons for that."

"It's in LA."

"So?  I don't want to see that happen and spread."  He nodded at that. "So we'll work to stop it."  He nodded, relaxing again.  She smiled.  "It's trite but some things do trump trifling bitches like your friends.  Maybe you can go in and back up with the military."

"Maybe."  He shrugged and sat down on a nearby case.  "I have to call the general and the people in Homeland who know."

"Do it while we're here," she ordered.  "That way I know if we need to release stuff."

He nodded, finding the number in his phone book.  "Graham, Xander Harris."  He put him on speaker.  "I'm here with Detective Beckett, who claimed oversight of the poker circuit's weapons payment warehouse.  How far along are we on stopping the upcoming thing in LA?"

"What upcoming thing in LA?  Riley, upcoming thing in LA?  Xander wants to know how far we've gotten in stopping it," he shouted.

Riley came on the line.  "Harris, they went underground and we're sure they stopped that plan since it was known about."

"Then you know that they bought the necessary materials, including the sacrificial victim, for it?" he asked.

"No, I didn't.  I thought you retired fully."

"No, it's more that I'm being shunned for not acting like a screaming girl and jumping off somewhere very high.  Detective Beckett has oversight of my warehouse and we needed to know if we needed to subtly shift some stuff out that way."

"Who else knows?" Riley asked.

"That general, Jack."

"All right.  We'll check and let you know within a week.  Just in case we do need some of your stuff."

"Thanks."  He hung up and looked at her.  "We'll know sometime soon."

"Remind that general so he can put people on higher alert that way."  He nodded.  "Good.  Let me know when you hear."

"I will."  She smiled and they went to check the other storage area to see what had been taken.  They might need some of it.

***

In South America Riley snorted.  "He's still trying to jump in even after we made it really clear that we don't want him around.  Figures."

"It's not like he had a single thing to do with that stuff," Graham said.  "He was the victim as much as the others."  Riley glared at him.   "We all knew Harris wasn't going to lay down and die.  That's why we made plans for it, Finn.  It's not our fault you and your dumbass wife didn't plan on him being noble and shit."  He walked off calling LA.

"Cordelia, Graham Miller.  Xander just called to make sure the invasion apocalypse was stopped so he knew if he needed to shift some weapons out your way.  Any intel right now?"  He listened then nodded.  "Okay, tell us within a week so we can arrange things.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "They're still active," he said dryly, staring at his former friend.  "They're just better hidden and we're not sure of the date now."  He walked off, rejoining the rest of the team.

"They can't do it," Riley assured him.  "We'd know and try to stop them, even if they do have everything they need."  He followed his team of worrying girls.  He swore they all worried too much.

***

That night, Xander woke up with a gasp, holding his head.  "Tara!" he bellowed.  She came jogging in.  "Vision."  She got him his tape recorder and turned it on once it had a new tape in it.  He told it what he saw, everything that he saw.  The date was wrong.  He blinked as it faded, taking the cup of painkiller tea she had prepared for him.  "Thanks."  He took a sip.  "It's off by two weeks."

"I'll tell Beckett and leave a message for Willow," she said, smoothing a hand over his hair.  "You try to sleep off the headache."  She checked, the cats were staring.  "Daddy could use some cuddles."  One hopped up once he laid down and the rest came over in their own casual way.  She went to email everyone, including that general.  Because that was bad and she might have to step in as well.  She hated to fight but she wasn't about to let people fall to the demon invasion from a hell plane.

***

Jack O'Neill got the email that next morning and stared at it.  He booked a flight to New York to talk to the kids first.  He brought along a copy of the video file as well.  That way he could verify it was the same species.  Because he had the feeling other things had changed.  If he knew where Daniel Jackson had ascended to again, he'd ask him, but no one knew where he was floating around at the moment.  He left, shaking his head all the way back to his car.  He slid in to drive and found his old teammate waiting on him.  "Warn a guy," he complained.

"There's a bomb on the engine, how's that for a warning."

Jack slowly and carefully pulled the keys out of the ignition.  "Okay, why?"

"Because you know things that are crimping someone's plan."  He grinned.  "But I hope like hell you guys win.  By the way, he was looking at the Jewish calendar.  I'm not sure he converted it right.  You'll have to make sure of that."

"Okay, I can do that.  Some symbolism?"

"No, but he knows it's different thanks to the research work and Willow Rosenburg's family.  The higher powers can never just outright tell anyone anything.  It's against the rules somewhere in the bet they made."  He smiled.  "Good luck and use the beaming from the ships to move the artillery he has today.  That way it's ready and not missing.  Talk to Beckett, she'll authorize it."

"I can do that.  Thank you."

"Welcome."  He smiled.  "I'll probably be back shortly.  They needed me to calm someone else down before they threw a fit and unhinged the world.  Because Rodney nearly ascended."  He faded out.

"Yay," Jack said dryly.  "That would disturb a lot of people if Rodney McKay ascended."  He got out and waved over one of the guards.  "Check for a bomb please?"  He grabbed his bag and let them drive him to the airport instead when they found it.  Yeah, someone somewhere had a plan.

***

O'Neill figured out who Beckett was on the plane by looking up the boy's known associates in his Homeland file.  The paranoid yahoos were at least thorough this time.  He signed in at the station and got let up into the squad room, finding her.  She was the only woman in there that wasn't handcuffed.  He sat down and opened his laptop, starting the video file.  She stared, then at him.  He pointed.  She went back to watching and shuddered.  "The date's off."

"How far off?"

"Very far off.  We're taking the whole entire storage area today."

"Okay," she said, writing out an email to the others who watched over it.  "We can handle that.  How far off is it?"

"About two weeks.  Though the kid might have translated the calendars wrong.  I need to talk to him."

"I can get him up here," she agreed, calling him.  "Come see me now, Xander.  O'Neill is here and we need to confer."  She hung up.  "It usually takes him about twenty minutes.  I'll call in ten to make sure the muses didn't suck him back in.  What can we do to help?"

"Hope like hell it didn't move here."

"Please, God, don't let it move here," she begged quietly.

"We all hope not."  Xander came off the elevator a minute later.  "You were nearby?"

"My favorite bakery is up the street," he admitted, putting down the bag.  He looked at him.  "Tara sent you the vision I had."

"The calendar was the Jewish one and an ascended thought you might have translated it wrong."

"Okay," he said, sitting down to find the notes in Beckett's email for her.  "There you go.  Um...  Yeah, that's about two weeks later."

"That's...."  She found a site online to convert it.  "Two weeks and a day."  She looked at him.  "Close."

He smiled.  "I usually can't do it in my head."  He looked at Jack.  "Stealing my weapons today?"

"Yes.  Are you going to be there?"

"I should be.  I don't want to be but I should be."

Jack stared at him.  "I heard.  All of it.  Even the sealed parts."  Xander shrugged.  "You good?"

"No.  I need to make better friends this time."

"Did you bring us bagels?" Esposito asked as he walked in.

"No, I was at the bakery and the upcoming invasion is being talked about.  Sorry to dash your hopes," he offered with a smile.

"Invasion?" he demanded.  "Like alien?"

"Like open portal, vomit out entire demon plane?" he countered.

"Here?"

"LA or so," Jack said.

"Thank you, God," he said, looking up.  His partner patted him on the back.  "They have military bases close by there.  We don't."

"West Point would probably jump in," Jack offered with a grin.  "There's a few others in the nearby area that can 'copter in."

"Better yet, don't let it happen here.  They can go eat all the little brainless bimbos who do stupid shit to get attention and leave the talented actors alone."

"The new one I saw wasn't downtown.  They moved it outside the city to nearer to Oxnard. I kinda recognized the area from when I was stranded and partying there."

"Even better.  Less civilian casualties," Beckett said.

"Good base of operations to work from though," Jack told her.  "I've been through there for training exercises."   He looked at Xander.  "Why were you stranded there?"

"My car exploded there when I was on my post-grad roadtrip.  I ended up working at the strip joint."

"Ah!"  He nodded.  "I got taken there by some of the guys I was on exercises with.  They didn't realize it was an all male strip joint until they got there."

"Yup."  Xander shrugged.  "I was supposedly working in the kitchen."

"I don't need to know," Jack said with a smirk.  "A few of those guys are evil enough for you."

"Introduce me?"

"Hell no.  They don't deserve a nice guy like you."  Xander smiled at that, a happy, true smile.  He sent a message to the base once he had the coordinates of the warehouse and the other places Xander said he could raid.  One was empty but they were moving things to another location so it got tracked and set off.  They stole those weapons too, and freed their slaves.  They sent them to the nice detective so she could help them.  Since she knew about demons and the local community.

***

The week of the invasion, Xander let Alexis and Rick have the cats.  He went back to LA, flying out but keeping himself calm.  He hadn't told any of the group he was out there.  Tara he hadn't told more than he had business meetings.  If she wanted to come, she could arrange it for herself.  She was still having that same 'witches shouldn't kill with magic' ethical debate with herself.  She knew how bad it could be.  She would argue with herself all the way until she finally got to LA if she decided she was needed.

Xander found a nice hotel, not swanky but nice and it had room service.  He checked in and found a few familiar faces.  He walked around one, giving him a poke on the arm.  The guy shot him a dirty look.  "Far way from home?"  The military guys around them growled but the other one laughed.

"Well, yes, but I'm sure we have reason.  The same as you do."

"Business meetings?"

"Not this week," John said dryly.  "Next week we have meetings.  This week is downtime."

"Yeah, mine too."  He grinned.  "Pop around and take me out to dinner like old times sometime this week?"

"Sure.  You're here?"

Xander nodded.  "Yup."  He held up his keycard.  John nodded so he smirked.  "I've even brushed up on my poker skills."  He nodded.  "I need to go rest.  I'm going to pop in on a favorite bookstore here later."  He smiled and walked off.  He'd feel a lot better during the invasion with John on his side.  "Oh, three day margin of error," he reminded them.

"We heard."  John watched then looked at Rodney.  "I think I know where we got the storage area from," he said dryly.

"Probably."  They went up to their block of rooms with the other soldiers they had brought from Atlantis.  The other scientists were already asleep because they were exhausted.  They were supposedly in for a unit R&R session.  They'd talk to the kid later on about meeting with the local team.  Though O'Neill hadn't been specific about the stresses going on within it, just that there were some.

***

The first possible day of the invasion, Xander was on the cliffs, by himself, watching the area they planned to use.  It wasn't very high up but it was a dead end road and higher up so he had a good vantage point.  To anyone it looked like he was sitting on his hood contemplating the sky.  Not like he'd need a set of binoculars to spot the portal.  He had enough stuff to keep him hydrated and fed.  If he had to, he could camp here.  The military guys were taking the three day margin of error to mean the last day.  So they'd see.  It was possible.  Xander was using the time to think too.  His muses knew there was a problem so they were quiet for a change.  He had no idea what would happen after this.

***

The day after the military guys relaxed, Xander sent one a video capture to his phone.  He was calmly driving down to the problem.  John looked at Rodney's phone.  "It's Xander."  He accepted the video.  "Shit, it's now."  They gathered things and headed off, being beamed to the site.  It was something that John was going to have nightmares about.  Not even being fed on by a wraith was this fucked up.  There were already hundreds of demons and more pushing to come through.  It wasn't a military action, it was a mob.

***

Buffy grimaced when she saw who was calling.  "What does he want?" she muttered, accepting the message.  The video made her hop up.   "We were wrong, it's now!" she shouted.

"They didn't do it," Angel snorted.  She showed it to him and he went pale.  "Where is that?  That's not here in town."  Willow wove the anti-sun spell around him and Spike and they left.  He called some contacts.  "We're going to be late to this one.  It's by Oxnard."  They got beamed and blinked in confusion.  "What was that?"

"I don't care because there they are and the other people are in camo's.  Military."  She jogged up to one, killing the demon.  "Their hands hold a poison," she told him.  "One of the snake bite anti-toxins works."  He called that in and let it be spread.  She jumped in and worked her way forward.  This was really bad and she needed a bigger sword.  Though the guns were looking kinda handy at times.

"No wonder you told us it was going to be bad, Sammy.  Should've used the bigger, more descriptive words you learned in college," Dean complained.

"Sorry, but how do describe this sight?"  He shot another demon's head off and they reloaded before moving on.  One of the military guys handed them better guns, getting a nod of thanks for the ammo.  They walked on and it was easier.  The larger caliber rounds worked faster.  As long as you hit the head, it went splat.  The military guys were getting the same thing.  They spotted Buffy.  She hesitated but took one and used it.  "Slayer's here," he told his baby brother.

"Good!  Is anyone else?"

"Yeah, I can see Spike.  He's got a halo of darkness over his head.  Looks like Connor too."  That got a nod and they moved forward.  They heard artillery start going off and glanced around.   The military guys had it.  "No Xander," he said more quietly.

"I'm not sure I would've come if I was him either," Sam admitted.  They kept moving forward.  "Someone needs to hit that portal.  Shit, why didn't Rosenburg come!"

"She's eight months pregnant."

"Oh, yeah.  Tara?"

"No clue," Dean admitted.  They spotted their father up the street and nodded at him.  "The military guys spread around that they've got poisoned fists," he called.

"I heard.  This fucking sucks."

Dean grinned.  "Yeah it does, Dad.  Welcome to hell."

"There's no way I'm falling to this mess."  They bunched together and kept taking out that side of the flow.

Xander was fighting his way forward too.  He had the better shotguns already.  He had a few of them and a large bag with ammo.  The military guys all smirked at him for that.  They knew who had found the excessive amount of artillery.  Xander spotted the portal and ran back to the artillery pile on the truck, finding what he wanted.  "Rodney, portal," he said with a point.  That got a nod and he had help getting it set up to use on the portal while Xander jumped back in.

Rodney used the auto targeting to hit the portal.  It cracked but didn't break.  "Well, that wasn't effective enough.  Get me something bigger!"  They handed him something and he used it.  Another crack.  "What is that thing made of!"

"Fuck this shit," another voice said.  "Use naqquadah tipped bombs," she ordered.

"That'll blow up all our people near there," he argued.  "We don't need to lose them."  He saw someone appear.  "Tara!"  She looked up and he helped her up.  "What takes out the portal?"

"Magic."  She looked and found something.  She knew what it did and wove the spell around it.  "Use that."  He nodded.  The other one on there scoffed but oh well.  She accepted a hand down and a shotgun.  She hated guns but she'd be damned if she wasn't going to help.  A few guys had fallen back to be treated.  "They're poisonous," she said.

"We got the shot, miss."

She smiled.  "I'm Tara."  The portal went down with a crash then a tinkling sound.  She sighed in relief.  "Thank you, Goddess."  They moved forward.   She knew how to use a gun.  Her father and brothers had hunted.  She noticed Xander.  She noticed Buffy's group.  She noticed the other hunters.  She resisted the urge to shoot them too.  Finally she ran out of ammo and there were still a hell of a lot of them.  She handed off the gun and drew power, creating lightening.  A few of the soldiers got mildly zapped if they were too close but nothing too harmful.  The demons fried to a crisp.  She put her hands down and smiled.  "That helped."

Buffy looked back.  "Thanks, Tara!"

"Hands!" she called, pointing.

Buffy turned and blew that one away.  "This is so much easier than staking."  The military guys cleaned up the rest.  Buffy pushed back her sweaty hair, walking over to where Tara was.  "Are you coming back with us?" she asked.

"No."  She shook her head, hearing the sigh.  "Because you guys are assholes."  Buffy gaped, Tara didn't swear.  Ever.  "I'm sorry, Buffy, but no."  She walked off, heading to find Xander again.  He and the military group around him was still fighting the last few on that edge of the battle and something else.  She stared.  "When did the higher demon get here?"  She called his axe and tossed it to him.  "Xander."  He looked up and caught it, then lunged for the higher demon.  She looked around but Buffy had already left.  Wonderful!  She spotted Faith though.  "Faith!"  She pointed.  "Higher ones!"

Faith looked then jogged over.  "Damn it, I need a blade," she called.

"Here," Dean called, tossing her his backup.  She caught it and lunged into that fight.  Dean stared.  "Xander's here after all."

Sam smiled.  "Ethics."  They went to help but the military guys were keeping them away.  "Guys, we're actually hunters," he said, pushing one out of his way.  "This is our job."

Xander got the higher demon and one of the other ones clawed him, making him yelp.  Then it's head parted ways with the neck.  He moved on to kill the one Faith was working against.  It wasn't paying attention to him at all.  It went down and he stared at her.  "We're in New York if *you* need us."

She nodded.  "I heard."

He shook his head.  "Probably not all of it."  He leaned on his axe, looking around.  "Looks like we're done?"

"I hope so."  She stared.  "They got the last few."  She looked back and Xander was gone.

Xander was in the medical tent because someone had dragged him off.  Tara was bouncing trying to help.  The doctors were glaring at her.  Xander glared at the doctor.  "Leave her alone."

"Fine.  Mr. Harris, will the usual anti-toxin work on you?"

"It has in the past."  He looked at the bottles and picked up one.  "That's not what we used to use though."  He looked at Tara, who summoned his medical pack.  He found the general anti-toxin and took it, then handed her the bottle.  "We use that on patrol.  It's an herbal thing."

"You're getting the anti-toxin anyway," the doctor assured him.  "Just in case.  I'd miss your writing if you died."  He grinned at her.  She stuck him with the needle and helped the bouncy blonde witch bandage the cuts and scrapes.  "Why a battle axe?"

"She's my baby," he said quietly.  Tara finished up and the military guys sent them back to the hotel.  "The rental car's up there."

"Was there anything in it?" she asked.  He shook his head.  "Then take a nap.  You've got to be tired."

"Yeah."  He went to clean himself up with a sponge bath and doing his hair.  Then he laid down.  It was a double room so she used the other bed once she had cleaned up.  His mind was going in circles.  It wasn't shutting up.  He did the calming down exercises.  Nothing.  His stomach was still too tense to eat anything.  So he got up to fix that problem.  He grabbed his wallet and headed out to the brothel of his choice.  Well it was near dark so he decided on a club instead.  The single drink he'd allow himself would help too.  Tara would huff but he didn't care.

***

John ran into Xander at the club.  He nudged Rodney, who looked.  The other military guys with them smirked.  "Xan?"

Xander smirked, nodding them to come with him.  "They're my crew," he told the guards.

"Sure, Mr. Harris.  Loved the newest book."

Xander grinned.  "Thanks, dude.  The new DCIS or the newest Tral?"

"The newest Tral.  Very funny with the tree."

"You know, they made me cut that down for decency."  The guard laughed and let them in.  His posse was a bit big but that was fine. They all looked like the day after a fight.  Xander got a drink and headed onto the floor.  The others followed.  They didn't group around him but they were all relatively close by.  One of them hung at the bar to watch over the group but that was usual for bodyguards.

John looked at his people.  "Xander draws the relatively evil, people.  So watch out for anyone who likes him too much."  They nodded and picked their own pretty partners of choice.  It was good to relax and let it out.  They were exhausted but couldn't sleep, too wired from the battle.  Xander was the same way.  He was yawning but not ready to sleep yet.  He was too tense.

***

Beckett got the newest viral video the next day, wincing when she saw it was the battle.  She watched it.  It was cut to show Tara electrocuting the demons.  She sent a message back to the one who had sent it to her that she'd like to see the full footage.  Someone she knew from high school was in it.  They sent her the fullest copy they had.  Beckett sent it to Castle's publisher friend with a note that the military was trying to block it out and did she realize her prized author had stepped in?  It had that last fight with him and some brunette girl.  Who wasn't Buffy.  She knew Buffy on sight.

***

Paula heard her email beep and looked at her assistant.  "What is it?"

"From Beckett."

She got into it, reading the message and watching the video.  She knew someone who could use that.  She called them.  Plus Tara's phone to make sure she and Xander were all right.  It went to voicemail but that was all right.  Hopefully she was taking the time to sleep in today.  She forwarded it to Rick.  Her reporter friend pinged her with an instant message.  She wrote back.  They talked about it and decided yeah, the military was wrong.  The people needed to know.

***

Xander's date of the day stumbled them into her home and stripped off her shirt.  Xander purred and finished the stripping for her and took her against her couch.  She howled and scratched but in the good way.  She finally got off with a swear and pulled him around to kiss him and handle his own needs.  He was so nice, he even gave oral sex.  It was sweet.

***

John finally got back to the hotel about the same time Xander did, watching him wander in looking half asleep.  "C'mon, I'll make sure you get to bed, Xander."  Xander nodded.  "You exhausted?"

"She was very nice."

"Good."  He got them on the elevator.  "How evil was she?"

"Don't know.  Didn't ask.  Just had sex."  He grinned.  "She was very nice."

"I'm sure she was."  He walked him to his room, finding his room key in his back pocket.  He opened the door and tossed it in there then let Xander wander to his bed.  John followed to help him strip down then left them alone.  Tara was snoring.  Xander was asleep as soon as he laid down.  Went back to his room to do the same thing.  They had no idea the shit storm that was starting on the east coast.

***

O'Neill got the message that someone had taped the invasion and put it on YouTube.  He moaned and told his superiors so they could get it stopped.  That's when he learned Time had a copy of it.  The New York Times had a copy of it.  So did CBS news and one of the Christian channels to denounce it.  He set up a quick conference with Buffy's group.  That way the harmless ones were warned. This was going to be *real* bad.  Not even the president could stop this one.  Of course, he was in denial land.  He didn't accept it as real because those weren't humans.  Which was going to cause more problems.

***

Xander woke up the next day to the gentle nudge of Rodney.  He blinked at him.  "Did I sleep with you?" he asked.

Rodney snorted.  "No, I wasn't that uptight afterward," he said.  He smirked.  "Breakfast?"

"As long as we can go somewhere that doesn't have demon cooks in the kitchen.  The one here hates me and keeps shooting snot into my food."

"I'm sure we can arrange that," he said.  Xander nodded, getting up and going to shower.  "Do you need those looked at?" he called after him.

"No, I'm good.  Thanks."  He came out looking around.  "Tara?"

"Off visiting someone."  He got a nod and Xander went back to cleaning up.  He came out to find something to wear and then followed him down to the lobby to gather the others.  He found John complaining about the food.  "So he said," he told him.  "Let's go to Denny's."

"Not Denny's.  Eww," Xander said, still sounding tired.  "Same problem probably."  He led them to a place he used to eat a lot and they got happy there.  There was a demon in the kitchen but he was only doing dishes and didn't get to touch the food.  The waitresses gave them awed look.  Xander smiled.  "I liked to eat here when I lived in LA."  She smiled and got their food orders, coming back with coffee.  The others showed up and she got to brag about it later that they drank coffee like it was going to be banned the next day.  She got them to sign their checks too.  Which confused most of them but that was fine.  They were probably being modest.

***

Tara ran into the group coming back.  "It's on YouTube," she told Xander quietly.

"Great," he said.  "Who did that?"

"Andrew's new evil geek group."

He nodded, looking at the others.  "The whole thing?"

"They cut it up into pieces, but yeah.  Sorry."  She walked around them and went to tell the others she knew in town, plus to scowl at Andrew for it.

Xander looked at them and shrugged.  "Evil geeks, who knows."

"Rodney, prove to the evil geeks that they're posers," John ordered.

"Of course I will," he agreed dryly.  He went up to their room to get his laptop and find them.  The note from O'Neill asked him to be as evil as he wanted since Sam Carter was siding on their side about the military blackout only hurting things.  "Yes, but people don't want to know this," he said dryly, hacking that group and making them miserable, evil wannabe minions to his wonderful evilness.

Xander shrugged at John.  "I was going to pop in on my favorite bookstore for a signing today."

"Did you schedule it?" he asked.

"Kinda.  For one."

"We can go.  We could use a bit of book and magazine shopping.  Right, guys?"  They all nodded and went to change clothes into something better.  Xander changed shirts to a goofy saying t-shirt.  John snickered.  "Paula would be horrified."

"Yup.  Yay.  It's comfy and relevant."  He found his pens and made sure he had his wallet and key card then they left together.  He got them all into cabs and paid for them too since they were escorting him.  The bookstore was busy today but not horribly busy.  He walked in and took off his sunglasses, mimicking Rick's stance.  "Ah, my people."  A few glared but one squealed.  He let her hug him then grinned.  "Since I'm local I figured I'd pop in and do the signing thing.  Since I have new stuff out and haven't been here in months."  She ran off to change the books she was going to buy.  He smiled at the manager, his buddy from the writing group.  "Howdy."

"Xander."  He pointed.  "Set up there, that way you can be seen."  He nodded, moving a chair and table to suit himself.  The patrons came down to see who he was if they didn't know.  It made a lot of people happy that he had dropped in to sign stuff.  He was clearly a fan happy author.  The military guys got their own books and sat around watching.  More people came in.  Xander was going to be busy for *days* if he wanted to be.  He was even nice enough to buy a new pen when his ran out so he wouldn't disappoint the people waiting on him.

***

Paula got the message of thanks from the book store, staring at it.  "He did what?" she asked, calling his phone.  "What did you do?"  He told her he was surrounded by fans, who were happy.  "Signing?"  She nodded.  "Okay then.  Ask if they have previews of the newest book and read some of it."  She hung up shaking her head.  Her assistant gave her an odd look.  "Since he was in LA by his favorite bookstore out there, he decided to stop in and do a signing for us."  She shrugged.  "I guess it was nice of him."

She snickered and nodded.  "He is very good to his fans."

"Yes he is."  She got back to work on the latest book from Rick.  It needed some polishing.

***

Xander hung up.  "Hey, Bobby, my publisher wanted to know if you got advanced copies of the newest one."

"I think we have a few in the back."  He went to check.  He came out with the box.  "That's all we have so far."

Xander smiled and opened the box to see which one it was.  "Cool!  The newest hunter novel."  He grinned.  "I'll read a section once all these nice people are finished."  The crowd clapped and cheered.  He finished the entire line's worth of books and settled in to read the first chapter of the newest one.  That box was gone by the time he was done.  The crowd left very happy and the bookstore had an excellent day.  Xander smiled.  "Thanks."

"No, thank you.  We only get this level of sales during Potter book coming out parties."

Xander grinned.  "I'm not quite that good."  He winked at John.  "I'm going to dinner."  He grinned.  The manager shook his hand and let him walk off.  "Ice cream, John?"

"Yeah, ice cream is a decent dinner tonight," he decided.  His guys snickered but let them head off together since they were buddies.  A few of them had gotten the newest book too.  He and Xander caught up and it was nice.  Calming.  He asked about his friends out here and Xander stopped that one so he pried delicately, for him.  He agreed, the kid needed better friends.  Thankfully he was a great one.

***

Paula got the request to interview Xander about the fight and sighed, calling her.  "It's Paula, I got your letter."  She leaned back.  "No, he won't speak about it.  He's of the view it had to be done and he'd like to not be known for that.  I'm not even sure if he knows that others have seen it."  She listened.  "I realize that but he and the blonde witch are both very private and she's extremely shy.  Stutters shy and flinches around most new people shy."  She listened.

"I'll ask him but I doubt he would.  To him, that's a duty.  You might ask the LA team, they might like to be known.  Or some of the others if you can find them."  She shrugged when her boss looked at her.  "I think he might like to talk to you but not about that.  Sorry.  I'll suggest it but don't get your hopes up about either of them.  Thank you for offering first."  She hung up and moaned, rubbing her face before calling Xander.

"I'm getting interview requests for you to talk about the battle?"  He choked and started on a 'hell no' monologue.  "I know.  I told her that, Xander.  Calm down.  Yes, eat more ice cream.  Yes, I'll probably have some tonight too," she sighed.  "How did it go?"  She smiled.  "That's wonderful news.  Good job."  She hung up and looked at her boss.  "To him it's one of those non-issues as he puts it.  It's something he has to do.  Like he's in the National Guard."

"I can understand that viewpoint," he admitted.  "Though I'm not sure it's good for his sales."

She shrugged.  "He sold out the first box of his new book earlier when he showed up to sign things at his favorite bookstore in LA out of the blue."

"Huh.  Interesting.  How long did it take?"

"He signed then read the first chapter.  By the time he got done reading, they were gone."

"Excellent news.  That blonde?"

"Tara."

"Oh.  I didn't realize.  She wasn't in a dress and didn't have her hair pulled back."  He walked off happier with that explanation.  Harris did seem to have an aversion to the press.  He certainly didn't play things up like Rick Castle did.  He'd have to have the senior author teach him how to handle that better.

Paula called Tara to warn her and found her hiding in the 'forbidden forest' of the ancient book stacks because a reporter had shown up at the library with a cameraman.  She sighed and called LA's headquarters.  "Buffy, it's Paula.  Xander's publisher.  No, a warning.  The press is presently stalking Tara and Xander over the battle.  No, it's online and news people have seen it, Buffy."  She smirked.  "Yes, he was there.  He and Faith got caught handling two huge demons at the end by themselves."  She snickered silently.  Buffy was such a spoiled bitch sometimes.  "Yeah, I'm quite sure.  It's on YouTube."  She hung up and let her discover what she wasn't paying attention to.  The girl needed a swift kick.

***

In their motel room Sam swore, nearly tossing his computer.

"What?" John asked from the table.

"We're on YouTube."

John looked at him.  "What's that?"

"The place where you find all those stupid pet videos," Dean said dryly.  "The battle or us?"

"Both.  There's a Winchester channel with film of us hunting as well as the battle.  We're linked to the battle's channel."  He let them see it.

John looked at the first one.  "I looked like hell.  Can we erase these?"

"No.  Only the person who put them up can."

Dean watched the next one and shuddered.  "I sounded like hell doing that exorcism."

"Not the point," John said.

"I know, Dad."  He looked at Sam, who had flopped backwards and pulled the pillow over his head.  "It can't be that bad."

"Look at the subscribers, Dean."

He did and winced.  Thousands of them.  Yay.  "It's a passing thing.  In a month everyone will forget about it, do the denial thing."

Sam looked at him.  "You know it's been on the CBN station for days, right?"

"CBN?" John asked.

"One of the God channels," Dean said.  "With the telepreachers who think God needs money."

"Oh, them.  No one really listens to them."

"It was on CNN this morning," Sam said, looking at him.  "They've opened whole discussion topics about it."

"This keeps getting worse and worse, Sammy.  Shut up," Dean ordered.  Before he panicked.

"So, people know about the demonic," John said.  Sam nodded.  "What about the underground?"

"Oh, they know.  One of their bigger people, who is a minister as well, stepped forward to denounce them and point out that they had lived among humanity for centuries and never bothered anyone."

John moaned.  "I agree.  Shut up, Sammy, before you give me a headache."  He went back to watching.  "They got Bobby too."

Dean looked at the comments.  "They know the documentary was a fake.  They say it's the guy from that fake documentary, and that he was probably trying to discredit Xander before he outed things.  A few very sharp people and paranoid ones."

"We're never going to get any peace and quiet," Sam said.  "We should head on."  They nodded and packed, looking like they were going to the laundromat across the street.  Then they headed off from there.  They could be in Iowa by that night.  There were plenty of quiet hiding spots up that way.

***

Xander came out of the hotel the next morning into an ambush.  "Geez, people, quit.  I haven't had coffee yet!" he complained.  They got out of his way when he walked forward.  "Is the president here or something?"

"Mr. Harris, were you at that battle?"

He stopped to stare them down.  "Go.  Away."  They stepped back.  "Now.  That is a duty, not a fun topic.  Scram."  They fled.  He finished his trek to get coffee, calling Tara on the way.  "In the Restricted Room?"  He snorted.  "Basically, yeah.  Ambush.  I'll be back tomorrow night."  He hung up and walked into Starbucks, seeing the smiles.  "Give me the biggest you have, double sugar and real milk."

"Yes, sir."  He made it personally and came back.  Xander paid and added the change to the 'help us' jar up there.  "Thank you, sir."

Xander took a sip, nodding.  "Have a better day, guys."  He went back to the hotel to hide.  He ran into Rodney.  "I got ambushed."

"Demons?" he asked.

"Worse.  Reporters."

"I'll be careful."  He went to get his own cup of coffee. The hotel made terrible coffee.  He got ambushed as well.  "Well, what did you want?  Or are you going to stupidly stare at me some more?" he demanded when no one said anything.

"Sir, you're Doctor Rodney McKay, right?" one asked.  He nodded, giving them a look like they were stupid.  "What was a scientist of your credentials doing there?"

"Working with the military."  He walked around them.  "Otherwise, no comment."  He walked into the Starbucks.  "Grande latte."  The worker smiled and got it for him.  He paid and pocketed his change, walking out drinking it.  They were still there.  "Did you have more pointless questions?"  He took a drink.

"Dr. McKay, what do you do for the military?  I didn't know they'd need a person of your skills."

"Well, today I'm looking over ship specs," he said dryly.  "Why?"  He took another drink.  John was coming up the street.  "There, pounce him."  He walked off in the other direction.  He needed chocolate today.

John stared at the cameras and lights.  "Put that in my face and I will have you arrested for stalking, people."

"You're Colonel Sheppard, right?" one asked, smiling at him.

"Yes, but I have taste so please quit trying to flirt with me."

"You escorted the author Alexian Harris around Europe and Asia on a signing tour?"

"I did," he said, walking around her.  "As a favor to someone we both know because of that death threat on him."

"There's still an active death threat?"

"Yes.  We caught some in town last week," he said dryly.

"Oh.  Were they after him?"

"I didn't get to talk to them.  I only punched one."  He walked into Starbucks, giving the worker a dirty look.  "Grande, espresso and milk."  He paid and put the change in the jar and walked off out the back door.  They had to scurry around the building but by then he had disappeared into another store to browse and buy something then back to the hotel.  One caught him doing that but oh well.  She didn't squeal loud enough to bring the others.  He called his people together to warn them about the leeches known as reporters.  This was going to be really bad.

***

"Doctor McKay!" one reporter shouted when she spotted him, rushing forward with her microphone and the cameraman behind her.  "Sir, what do you say to reports that you're building spacecraft?"

He stared at her.  "What are you smoking?" he demanded.

"Sir, we have it from a reliable government source that you're building spacecraft, you're actually stationed on an orbital platform that is run by the military, and that you've known other species.  She even gave us pictures of you meeting one."

He stared at her.  "Anyone can photoshop anything," he said dryly.  "You should probably be checked for whatever is eating your brain before it becomes terminal.  That way you become a better human being."  He walked around her.

"Sir, what do you say to the reports that the Stargate program has been active now for over ten years and you're actually working in another galaxy?' she called.

"I say one word.  SECURITY!"  They came running.  So did Evan Lorne.  "Major, this nice reporter just demanded a comment on a supposed stargate program and some photoshopped pictures of me with aliens."

"I'll handle it," he agreed, calling for backup.  The general was going to eat someone.

"I don't have to say a word," she sneered.  "Reporters are protected."

He smirked.  "That's fine.  You can still sit in jail."  He bundled her off to the nearest police station to interrogate her.  The general was coming and he only had to hold her that long.  The camera was confiscated and Jack got to see the tape.

"Who was your source?" Jack demanded calmly.

"I don't have to tell you anything, General O'Neill.  How are other planets though?"

He smirked.  "This delusion of yours is getting worse.  They might have to treat you for that."

"I can handle the seventy-two hour confinement."

"We're the military, we have our own," he reminded her, making her less smug.  "Who told you what, lady?"

"I'm not telling you a thing."

"Which agency was she in?" Evan asked.  "That way we narrow our search?  She'll be joining you in a happy pill cell."

"I'm not saying a word without my lawyer."

"That's your right but you're not under arrest by civilian officers.  You're under military arrest so that means our system.  You still have the right to an attorney but it'll be a JAG one unless you have one on speed dial who is authorized in military courts."

She stared at him.  "Why are you so scared of me?"

"Because you're spreading harmful lies that could impact national security when people start to panic and riot, lady.  No one wants to see that."

A large demon appeared with a sigh, glaring at her.  "You are endangering my eggs, woman.  Desist!" he growled, making her flinch.  "Now!  Before I am forced to protect them by suing you and your company.  Even if it wasn't for the debt I owe someone I would not stand your sort."  He glared at O'Neill.  "You just had to show up, didn't you?"

"Yes.  That's what I do."

The demon snorted.  "You're much like that boy.  Pity."  He disappeared.

Jack smirked at Evan.  "I think that was a compliment.  Right?"

"Yes, sir, being like Xander's older prototype is one to me."

"Good."  He smirked at her.  "So see, you won't win.  Major, call people to investigate her.  Doctor Carter isn't doing much today beyond bitching about magic."  That would protect who Sam was since she was known as a Colonel in most circles.

"Yes, sir."  He called the main base.  "Connect me with Doctor Carter asap.  The general wants her."  He got connected.  "Doctor Carter, the general has a reporter who has been fed lies by someone in the government talking about aliens."  He nodded, reading off her ID's name and address.  "Thank you, Doctor."  He hung up.  "She'll search it out right now, sir.  You're right, she said she wasn't busy."

"Would that be Samantha Carter?" the reporter asked.

"No," Jack said.  If she kept digging she'd hit a lava belt soon and be swallowed by it.  They did not want this out there yet.

***

Three hours later, in DC, Jack led a small group of people to an office in Homeland Security.  "This gives me great pleasure," he said smugly.  "Riley and Samantha Finn, stand up and turn around, hands behind your head."

"What?  Why?" Riley demanded, moving slowly and carefully.  They had weapons pointed at him already.

"Treason for sharing classified information above your station, Mr. Finn."  A JAG officer stepped forward to arrest them.  "This is their unit's offices," he noted.  "Search it."  The team moved to confiscate all the systems and search everything.

Riley looked at his wife.  "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" she complained.

"Sir, the email was sent from Captain Riley Finn's email, but in his wife's name," one reported.

"Fucking yay, they both go," Jack O'Neill ordered.  The others were staring.  "They decided to try to out an eyes-only project to the press to salve their butts being chewed for not being in California for the battle."

"Some of us were there, sir," Graham pointed out.  "And I know what you do as well."

"You've never told anyone else, Miller," Jack said dryly.  "Have you?

"No, sir.  Though it's on the news.  I sent you an email about that."

Jack turned on the news.  "Which station?"

"All of them."  He flipped to a news station, letting him watch the present coverage.  "I did try to take reasonable precautions and warn you, sir."

"Good man."  He clapped him on the arm and called Landry to let him know.  He could give the president an ulcer instead.  It went with the job as leader of the SGC.

***

Xander managed to make it home without any reporters finding him.  His home answering machine was full of them requesting some of his time but the cats hissed at it.  "I agree, they deserve kitty hisses," he said, sitting down to pet them.  He flopped sideways and let them curl up on him and around him.  It was nice to be home.  Tara walked in and shut the door, locking it again.  "They bother you too?"

"Many times, especially to see if I knew about what John Sheppard does."  She flipped on the tv to a news station.  "The Finns blew that open."

"I really feel sorry for their asses due to the prison sex then," he said dryly.  "And Buffy for being stalked since it's well known she dated him."  She snickered, heading to change.  One of the cats looked.  "You can follow the mommy.  She doesn't mind."  He gave her a nudge but she licked his fingers so he petted her.  "Okay, I don't mind if you cuddle instead."

They settled in to sleep around him.  He shook his head.  He hadn't really thought about pets before moving in with Tara.  Now he couldn't remember when he didn't wake up to a sniffing nose trying to figure out his armpit or a sharp claw kneading his stomach.  He petted them all and let himself drift off so he could ignore the news some more.  That's what he needed, a nap like a cat.

***

John looked at his people.  "We're cutting R&R short due to the problems of the press."  They groaned.  "I know, people, but it's not safe.  Two of us have been jumped and one other has had to flee a whorehouse."  They all nodded they had heard that.  "So let's go back to the base and we can take careful day trips from there."  They got beamed back once they had checked their gear and John had checked them out.  He didn't want his people mauled by the reporters or the fanatics who had come out of the woodwork.  There was no telling what sort of diseases some of them carried when they tried to sleep with the soldiers because they had met aliens.

The End.

Chapter 14: Damned If You Don't

Suddenly, people want to know more about Xander.  They like to stalk him around, lurk outside his place, try to kill him.

Rick had to stop and stare at the reporters massing outside Xander and Tara's building.    He slammed his car door, making some look and turn their cameras on him.  "I'm visiting a friend, people.  Why are you here?" he asked when someone asked him why he was here.

"Two of the people from that battle live here."

"They're both terminally shy sorts," he agreed.  "They won't come out when you're here."  A few snorted.  "Tara doesn't like people that much.  She's uncomfortable around people."  They backed off.  That was not the usual reaction.  "Who talked about her past?"

"Her stepmother," one said.

"I hope Tara found a restraining order."  Another car pulled up and parked.  "Detective Beckett."  She smirked at him as she got out.  "Here to visit?"

"Here to hand over something.  People, the building's management and the residents have requested a free zone around the door.  You are to be at least a hundred feet back at all times."  A few glared.  She glared back.  "That is a judicial order, people.  You're terrorizing people.  If he could have, the judge would've given a restraining order.   You're keeping people from getting to work.  Back off or be arrested right now."  She waved the waiting cruisers forward so they could measure out the distance and put up sawhorses to guard the entrance.  "Thank you for your cooperation."  He opened the door for her.  "Thank you."  They walked in together.  "They're insane," she said quietly.

"It's not lessening any," he agreed.  "Tara hasn't been able to sneak out for days to get to work."

"I saw her earlier.  She climbed over the back fence and climbed a tree."

He smiled.  "That might be effective."  They knocked on Xander's door, hearing the cat at the door.  "Guys, it's me and Beckett," he called.  The cat apparently could open the door.  They walked in and shut it behind them.

"They have to stay a hundred feet from the building," Beckett said.  "The judge granted the restraining orders to shut up both sets of parents.  And your friend Buffy when she started."  Xander relaxed and nodded.  "They'll forget about it soon."

"I was hoping it'd already be forgotten about.  It's only getting worse."

"They'll settle down eventually," Beckett assured him.

"Until then, I got told to teach you how to ignore them," Rick said with a smile.

"I'm not going out there."

"You have to go out there.  There's an authorized interview and they're not allowed to ask you about it."

Xander huffed but got up and went to get dressed.  "Tv, radio, or magazine?"

"Magazine so pictures."  He sat down and the cat who had answered the door came over to look at him.  "Hi, Mr. Kitty."  He petted him.

"Is that his name?" Beckett asked, getting a nod and a small smile.  The cat came over to sniff at her.  "Hi to you too."  She petted the cat gently, getting a friendly bat back, without claws.  It scampered off to play with the human again.  Even if he was putting on the stupid human stuff they wore instead of fur.  Xander walked out carrying the purring lump of spoiled cat.

"Lint roll.  The one today is allergic to cats."

"Oops."  He put the cat down and found his lint roller, using it on his shirt.  "This isn't working.  Shit."

"We can find another one," Rick assured him.  "We can do it quickly."  He got up, putting back on his sunglasses.  Xander found his.  "Good idea.  Just ignore them or play them.  Treat them like the idiots they are without being obvious about it."

"So like those guys on TMZ, tease them, taunt them, use some mild sarcasm?" he said.

"Exactly."  They walked out, Beckett leading.  "Deep breath," he said quietly as they walked off the elevator.  The manager of the building glared.  "It's not his fault.  He's begged them to go away more than once."

"I know.  He's been good about making them pissed off."

Xander nodded.  "Not like I want the attention."  He walked out on Castle's free side, ignoring the press. One of them hopped in front of him.  "Did you eat springs?"  She smirked and took a picture.  "Honey, two dimensional is not going to equal the real thing, and you're not quite evil enough for me.  Or at least not evil enough in the right way."  She pouted but he walked around her.

"What are you doing today?" one shouted.

"Something for an upcoming book," Castle said.  "Which is why we're both going to meet with your less evil brethren," he quipped as he unlocked the doors.  They slid in.

Beckett glared once they were gone.  "People, calm down and find real news.  It's more than time to move on."

"We can't get anyone to talk about the Stargate thing and we're hoping he knew," one said.

"Or if there's been other fights against an overwhelming force of demons."

"For that, ask Miss Chase out in LA," Beckett ordered.  "She's even a wanna-be actress so she'd put up with you."

"We talked to her but Miss Summers kept butting in," one said.

"That is her job to handle."  Beckett got into the car.  She drove off without much hassle but the reporters were a pain to everyone who had to deal with them.

***

Rick picked out a good shirt for the younger author, handing it over.  "Try that on."

Xander checked the size then got a larger one.  "It'll be too tight," he said quietly.

Rick stared at him.  "You don't want it baggy."

"It won't be."  He went to try it on, coming out.  "See?"

Rick stared.  "It shows absolutely nothing."  He handed him the original size.  "Try it on."  Xander nodded, doing that.  He didn't even huff about it.  Rick was feeling like a parent again but that was fine.  Xander gave him less stress than Alexis was.  That one was a bit tight but not bad.  "If they had half sizes or you had time to tailor it."

Xander took it off and came out with the original one he had gotten then found a better one.  "These tend to be looser in the right way."  He found one Rick liked and went to try it on, coming out in it.  Rick nodded.  "This?"

"That.  Find a pair of jeans to go with it."  Xander grinned a bit but found some.  That matched well and he looked comfortable.  "Good.  Go pay for it."  Xander took it off and paid for it.  He changed in the restroom then they carried the bag out to the car.  The other one got left in the car since Rick had to do an interview today too.  They walked in and Rick smiled, taking off his sunglasses.  "We're expected by Miss Clora."

"Yes, sir, I'll let her know you're both here."

The book reporter walked out, smiling and shaking their hands.  "Welcome.  Thank you for agreeing to speak to me today, boys."  The elderly woman walked them back to her office.  "Paula said I could monopolize you both for an hour today."

"As long as no one needs me, it's great," Rick agreed with a smile.

Xander gave her a small smile.  "He reminded me to buy new stuff that didn't have cat fur for you."

"Aww, that's sweet.  I did take my allergy pill when I remembered you have cats, but that's very thoughtful of you, Alexian."  He grinned and took off his sunglasses.  "Oh, dear, you look tired."

"It's being stalked by your tasteless, tactless tribe members," he said dryly, making her laugh.  "Tara had to climb a tree to get to work today."  He looked and sat on the couch.  "Here, good?"

"There's just fine."  She smiled at Rick.  "Did you save him?"

"Oh, yes, with Detective Beckett's help."  He sat beside Xander on the old, floral couch.   "What are we talking about today, Miss Clora?"

"You both have new books coming out."  She found her tape recorder and shifted over.

"I think I always have something new coming out," Xander admitted.  "My muses are hyperactive again."

She giggled.  "Surely it can't be that bad."

Rick nodded.  "Our publisher is holding back a few novels in each series for him because he came in with more than one done.  Then he wrote more."

Xander nodded.  "I'm working on part 24 of DCIS."

She stared at him.  "My, that is hyperactive."

"Nothing else to do," he said sheepishly, giving her a slight grin.

She patted him on the hand.  "I'm sure it'll be wonderful."  She started the tape recorder and found her questions.  "I'm here today on a pretty Tuesday to talk to both Alexian Harris and Richard Castle.  My office is filled with pretty men."

Xander grinned a shy grin at her.  "If you're hitting on me, Miss Clora, I have to warn you I'm a bit of a cuddler.  The cats make me."

She cackled.  "No, dear, you're much too young for me."  She swatted at him with a grin.  "Naughty."

"Often," Rick agreed.  "Thankfully he's a good guy.  That's why I let him hang out with my daughter."'

Xander looked at him.  "I even kept the evil thing off her the other day."

"Thanks, Xander.  I knew making you her shopping buddy would help her taste in men."

He smirked.  "Detective Ryan was more than happy to meet him too."

"Even better."  The reporter was staring.  "All the evil things are drawn to Xander to keep him."

Xander nodded.  "They are.  One of them gave me a howitzer mounted on the roof of a volvo."  She gaped.  He nodded.  "I met Detective Beckett professionally when she was arresting my dates."

She cleared her throat.  "That's amazing."

"Yes it is," Rick agreed.  "But he's a stand-up guy.  I like him for the guy he is."

"He's kinda like an uncle," Xander told her.  "Alexis is like a sister to me sometimes."

She smiled.  "She is a very sweet girl."  She went into her questions and they answered, joking some with each other and her during it.  At the end she patted them both on the cheek, handing Xander a peppermint star candy.  He grinned and sucked it in, making her smile at them as they left.  She shook her head.  "Oh, Alexian, I forgot one."  He leaned back in.  "Is Detective Beckett perhaps in the hunting series as that elf queen?"

He grinned.  "Not as her."  He winked and left, following Rick out.

"Does she know that?"

"I don't know.  I don't think she reads my stuff."

"I don't know either.  Which one?" he asked as they walked out.  They put on their sunglasses with a sigh when they saw more stalkers.  "Guys, enough," Rick ordered.  "We just got done talking with one of you."

"About the battle?" one asked.

Xander took off his sunglasses, staring at that one.  "I do not talk about battles, kid.  At all.  Ever.  You find most people who've been in one don't want to talk outside of remembrances and talking to their kids.  So drop it.  Please."  The reporter gasped.  He looked at the others.  "Go bother the other hunters.  They do it a lot more than I do."

"It's said that you got a town shut down for being too overrun with demons," one said.

"Sunnydale was overrun by corrupt ones.  We turned in a human cult to the FBI for having some heavy weapons, the corrupt people running the town tried to kill them for it.  So they dove into Sunnydale.  The peaceful ones they ignored and our team did the same.  Then we went our separate ways to live our lives.  I fell back to the important things.  It's not a fun life, it's sometimes a necessary one.  Now, any other insulting questions you want to piss me off with?" he asked him.

He mutely shook his head.

"Mr. Harris," one called.  "What about the report that said you had weapons stockpiled in the city for an apocalypse attempt here?"

"No, that would be the NYPD emergency vault," he said.  "I have donated to it when someone gave me something, but I don't own it.  Ask Beckett.  She'll tell you that."  He put back on his sunglasses.  "Are the rest of you done insulting and stalking me for the day?  Because you've already upset Tara and I don't allow that."  They backed off farther.  "Well?"

"No," they muttered.

"Then have a better day, people."  He stared at the one in his way.  "I know I'm handsome and I'm wanted by every single evil girl and guy in the world because I'm so fantastic in bed, but why are you lusting after me?  Are you evil?" he quipped, staring at that reporter.

He swallowed.  "You had a fiancee who cheated on you?"

"Yes.  I'm told she's much happier now as a nun."

"Have you talked to her?"

"She wrote me a letter recently and I've answered it.  We haven't literally talked.  Why?"

"I heard her convent is raising money."

"No one's asked and she probably won't be.  She might ask Tara."

"Is Tara your girlfriend?" one called.

"She's like my sister," Xander said coolly.  "Everyone else but you knew that.  Do your homework please before you stalk me some more."  He stared at that one.  "Can we go, your highness?"  He blushed and got out of the way.  "Thank you.  Find more interesting news stories please."

"Sir, you've met with General O'Neill," one shouted.  "Why?"

"I accidentally bought a cabin next to his and he came over to see why I was creating a lake view with a broken rib."  He slid into the car.  Rick slid in to drive.  "Can we escape or should I find a grappling hook?"

"You might need one for tomorrow."  He started the car and pulled into traffic.  "Is Tara going to stay with her girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"You know, even if she moves out, she'll still be like your sister," he said quietly.

Xander shrugged.  "I know.  It won't be the same but I know."  Rick gave him a smile.  "I'm feeling itchy with that new money."

"That's a reasonable feeling.  I went on an international bender and whore trip when I got my first million dollar check."

"There's not enough evil ones left," Xander said dryly.  "Did they give my weapons back to Beckett?"

"I don't know.  We can check."

"Can we stop and get a gift certificate for food?"

"They aren't allowed to accept it.  NYPD law."

"Crap."

"Did you already?"

"Yes.  It's being mailed tomorrow.  For the pastry of the month club at the local pastry shop I like."

Rick smiled.  "I'll let the captain know."  He looked at him.  "Want dropped off at home?"

"My wrists are damn sore."  Rick laughed.  "Let me go find something for that while you go tell Beckett she's amazing."

He nodded, dropping Xander in front of a pharmacy before driving off.  Rick walked into the squad room.  "Xander said I was to tell you you're amazing and warn you that he bought you guys a pastry subscription."

"He did what?" she asked.

"From the shop he likes."

"Cap?" she called.  He came out of his office.  "Xander decided to spoil us."

"I have the gift certificate and it's very sweet.  He did check it with the borough chief's office.  So we have pastries starting tomorrow if one of you wants to make that run daily."  He stared around at the grinning people.  "Castle, discourage him?"

"He didn't know it was against the rules.  He probably checked just in case."

"Probably.  That's what the borough chief's secretary said when she warned me."  He looked at Castle.  "He's itchy with that settlement money?"  He nodded.  "Make him find a brothel?"

"Not with the way the press is following him," Beckett quipped.

"He may have been able to drive some of them off.  He had a hard talk with one that asked him the wrong question a few minutes ago.  Then he made a dumb quip when the idiot wouldn't move out of his way.

"So we think it's over with?" she asked.

"No but not by much.  They were asking about General O'Neill."

"I'm sure he can have some of his soldiers run them off," she said dryly.

"Last I heard he was hiding in Cheyenne Mountain and making them run everyone off," Rick quipped back.  "Oh, he wanted to know if he got his weapons back."

"Not that I'm aware of."  She smirked.  "You can tell him he doesn't need them.  He might use one on a reporter."

"He back hiding behind his muses?" Ryan asked.

"Finding something for his sore wrists."  Detective Ryan texted a name and address to the kid.  "Know someone?"

"One of my ex's is a fantastic massage tech.  She cured my neck when it was tilted to the side thanks to holding the phone against my shoulder."  He put his phone back.   He got one back from Tara saying she'd call him.  "Is Tara still using his phone?"

"Yup," Rick said.  "I'll talk to him about getting a new one this week."  He looked at Beckett, smiling slightly.  "So is anything going on?"

"Not today."

"Don't egg them on," Esposito said with a grin.  "We need time to finish paperwork."

"Fine."  He stood up.  "Let me know if you need me."  He put on his sunglasses.  "I'm going to bask in the spotlight of fame by using it to get a good table at a wonderful lunch place."  He smirked as he walked off.

"Bring us back something," Ryan called.  "We're starved."

"I'll tell the kid that," he quipped, smirking back at him.  He got onto the elevator and went to find the boy.  He clearly needed to be out of the house for a long time. That way his muses got new ideas.  He found him in the store he had dropped him off at.  "Ryan sent you the name and address of an ex who is a massage tech."

Xander grinned.  "That might help more than a muscle rub."  He got what he wanted and checked out then they headed out together.  "So what's on your schedule today?"

"Reminding you to buy a new phone," he said dryly.

"Oops."

"Yup.  Which carrier do you like the best?"

"I use a prepaid usually.  I don't need that many minutes so it's cheaper and more efficient."

"Uh-huh," he said.  "Well, now you can upgrade to a real phone."

"I like them."

"Yay."

"Some of them are really good phones."

"No.  See, we can get you a really good phone cheaply with a new contract that has all sorts of features.  Do you like smartphones?"

Xander looked at him.  "I know nothing about phones."

Rick got him into the car and walked around to get in and drive.  He knew a good all-carrier store.  The kid was nice enough not to flinch too openly when they walked into the techno playing store.  "My friend needs a new phone.  He's been using prepaid."

"That's fine," the clerk said with a perky smile.  "What sort of OS are you looking for?"

Xander looked at him.  "I need my phone to make calls, get texts, and keep a calendar."

The tech looked at him.  "Phones these days do a lot more than that."

"Which I'd probably never use," he said dryly.  "Unless it comes with some mystical cat fur remover?"

"No," he said.  "We haven't made an app for that yet."  He walked him off.  "Do any of them touch you on a style principle?"  Xander shrugged.  The clerk sighed.  "Are you the fashionable sort?"

"I'm a fantasy writer.  I don't usually go nearly anywhere."

"Okay.  So something less than stylish is fine.  Big contact files list or smaller?"

"Smaller."

"Do you want to be able to watch YouTube videos sometimes?"

"I'm always in front of my ancient laptop."

"That's something we need to look at," Rick said.  Xander pouted at him.  "You said you've had problems."

"I have," he sighed.

"Best Buy," the clerk suggested with a smile.  "How do you feel about Apple?  Some people like them, some don't."

Xander shrugged.  "I think it's a bit pretentious.  I'm not the techno sort outside of a club."

"Okay, let's look at the Droid phones then."  He led them to them.  "Do any of these hit you in more than the wallet?"

"The blackberry's are nice I guess.  Keyboard instead of touch screen.  I might jab it too hard and break a touch screen, which I know they count on."

"Okay, that leaves and LG, a few Samsung, a few Pantech, which are like Palm's cheaper cousin, the Palm line, and the Blackberry line," the clerk said.  "The Palm and the Blackberry are usually more business oriented.  Most people like the more fun ones if they're not using it for business."

"Any that'll let me read or write while I'm on the subway?" Xander asked.

"Only if you're getting a palm pilot or something."  He showed him those.  "Some of these do have phones involved."

Xander looked them over.  They were bulkier.  "Let's narrow it to the Blackberry, the Pantech, and the Palm," Rick said, walking Xander back there to refocus him.  "Those you'll drop.  Or they'll fall out of your pocket.  Those would be perfect for Tara since she carries a purse."

Xander pointed.  "The Samsung Reclaim.  The slider would protect the keys from accidental smooshing and calling."

"A few of the Palms have that too," Rick said, pointing at them.  "That would basically come down to style and operating system between them."

"The Blackberry Torch has it too," the clerk said, letting him see that one.  "All of those are AT&T and Sprint, but one's Verizon."

Xander shook his head.  "No Verizon.  I hated Verizon.  I dropped them and paid off their excessive charge because they got spotty service where I was living."

"Did you pay it off?"

Xander nodded with a smile.  "Tara made sure of it.  It was easier to use Virgin Mobile and I like them.  They're everywhere."

"They are, but they don't have the phones you want.  They do have a Blackberry but it's the Curve."  He pointed.

"No, I'll end up dialing it in my pocket," he sighed.  "What about the cost of the plans?"

"Each of them are going to be more than you're paying now," he admitted.  "Some more than others.  If you liked Apple it'd be over a hundred a month."

"Um, no," Xander said.  "Even for the greatest, gold plated, it also gave me a blowjob phone, no."

"Well, if you like the Curve, you can stay with Virgin.  If not, the phones you've twigged to are all Sprint.  I can look up how much the bill would be."

"Please," Xander agreed with a smile.  "Thank you for putting up with my confusion."

"A lot of people show up not knowing what they want," he assured him, moving to his desk.  "I can get you one for about 80 a month.  The Reclaim is free with a new 2 year contract.  The LG Remarq, which is along the same lines is the same price.  The Palm Pre is fifty dollars but it's also a $750.00 phone without it. And the Torch you liked was $199.00 but it's AT&T so a higher bill."

"I can forget that one exists."  He looked.  "Let's narrow it to the Reclaim and the Palm."  The clerk let him handle both of them while they looked at the features.  "I don't know if I'd use most of the other features.  Hell, I don't know what most of them are used for," he admitted.

"GPS lets you have a map feature so you quit getting lost," Rick said.  "Bluetooth is the hands-free.  Cameras are so you can take pictures to send to people."

"My old one had one that took video."

"The Palm has the better camera," the clerk said.  He considered the other features.  "The Samsung can play games and has the longer battery life by an hour of talk time.  The other has all the other features, including the MP3.  The Palm is a couple of ounces heavier."

"Does the Palm come with games?"

"A few but you can't download more."

"Okay."  He looked at them.  "They're both nice and if I could I'd take both."

"Not unless you want to pay full price for one," he said with a smile.  "Which you can do.  The Samsung is cheaper at $400."

"No way in hell."

The clerk laughed.  "You tell me when you've made a choice."  He went to help someone else.

Rick looked.  "The Palm has the GPS, which you could use," he said quietly, moving closer.  "You're usually happy with any game that's on there so that's not really a problem.  I'd say

get the Palm and if you want to spoil yourself with a backup phone, get the Samsung later.  Maybe even used."

"That's not a bad idea.  I wonder if he has any."

"I don't know."  He looked at the clerk, who left the teenager fondling the pink and purple phones.  "Can he get the Samsung used and buy the Palm on his new contract?"

"I have no idea.  Let me check our supplier."  He went to talk to his manager.  It was still a sale and counted for him.  He came back.  "My manager says we don't have any used but you can call Sprint customer service and do it through them probably."

"I can do that," Xander decided.

"How much is his deposit?" Rick asked.

"Two hundred."  Xander winced.  "I've seen a lot with six hundred, sir.  That's actually really low and only people who qualify for the good credit cards get that low."

"I guess."

Rick looked at Xander.  "Yes, you need it."

"I can....."

"That's the same price," the clerk said when he saw him looking at the Virgin Mobile blackberry.  He shrugged.  "You can't get that cheaper because you don't have a contract with them."

Xander sighed.  "I...."

"You have the money," Rick said.  "Spoil yourself instead of everyone else.  By the way, I saw what you got Alexis."  Xander shrugged, looking sheepish but grinning.  "My daughter appreciated it a lot.  Get the phone.  Pay the deposit.  That way we can get hold of you."  Xander nodded, following him back to the desk to fill out the paperwork.  Rick looked around but he still had a year on his contract and a decent enough phone.  Not that he couldn't splurge but....  He didn't need it and Alexis was turning into a teenage girl.  He followed over.  The clerk smiled at him. "I have a teenage daughter.  I don't need a new toy yet.  Plus another year on my contract.  By then we'll have some new toys."

"Yes we will."  He finished up, took the debit card to run, smiling at him.  "It declined, sir."

Xander frowned and pulled out cash.  "I'll be beating someone later," he muttered.  "So I guess I'm going to the bank next," he quipped.

Rick smirked.  "I'm sure it's just someone in your account again.  Like Tara's last stalker."

"I thought you guys got him."

"We did.  You do draw those nice psychos though."  He smiled.

"Yeah, don't remind me I haven't had a date in a while," he said dryly.  He took his phone box and papers, smiling at the clerk.  "Thank you.  You were very helpful."  He walked out with Rick, heading to the bank.  There was one not too far up the street.  "Hi, somehow my debit card declined two-fifty when I have thousands of dollars in the bank.  I need to chew on someone."  He smiled.

The receptionist nodded.  "I'll get one of our people for you to chew on, sir."  She got the toughest one there to come chew on him.

Xander smiled at her.  "Can you explain why my money is missing?"

"I can try.  Let's see what's going on?"  She led them back to the office.  "His spouse?"

"His friend," Xander said.  "He's keeping me from biting."

"Do you have your account number, sir?"  He handed over his debit card and checkbook.  She looked it up and sighed.  "I see we mistakenly put someone else's money in your account."

"Which name was it in?"  She stared at him.  "I have a pen name.  I'm a fantasy writer."

"Which is your real one?"

"Alexander Harris."

"The pen name?"

"Alexian Harris."

"Ah!  That's what the problem is."  She fixed that and released it back to him after making that note on his account.  "I have fixed that for you so you can go on a spending binge, sir."

Xander grinned.  "Thank you.  I was hoping it wasn't another stalker like my roomie had that hacked it."  She stared at him.

"Or that stupid weapons dealer that tried it," Rick reminded him.

"Or him," he agreed.  "Or his sister, who still wants me."

"Where is she?" Rick asked.

"Guatemala this month."

"Huh.  I'll warn the guys."  He smirked.  Xander smirked back.  "Is it all fixed?  He needs to look at new computers as well since his is ancient and starting to break down."

"Can you please print me a list of recent deposits?  I think I'm missing a royalty check and I'm not sure."

"Of course, sir."  She printed it out and made another note.   "I put a note in there that you have had a hacker access your account in the past due to friends being stalked.  Just in case it ever comes up."

Xander grinned.  "Thank you."  They got up and walked off.  He read the history.  "Has Tara not been putting them in?"

"I don't know.  We can check with Paula to see if they were cashed."  He called her to do that while he called Tara.  She said she didn't know.  Rick hung up.  "No, no one has deposited them and she got told that last week, she's been trying to figure it out since she said she mailed them all to you."

"Okay.  Let's go search the house since we know Tara was possessed."  They went back there.  Xander found bits and pieces of check mixed in with ashes in Tara's sock drawer.  "Huh."  He boxed them up.  "That demon really hated me. Cool."

"We can get Paula to reissue all the ones that haven't shown up," Rick said.  "Let's look at your computer?"  Xander pulled it out to look at it.  "You're running Windows 98?"

"It works well," he defended.

"I'm sure it does."  He put it back and shut the safe.  "Let's go look and see if we can find something that'll be nice.  It might even have a DVD player."  Xander shrugged and left with him.  They stopped to hand Paula the ashes and pieces and explain that Tara had been possessed.  Then they went to the mega computer store that wasn't Best Buy.  "This is where I got my last one," Rick said.

"Okay.  I know absolutely nothing."

The nearest clerk smiled.  "What sort of system were you looking for today?"

"Laptop.  Has to run Corel Word Perfect."

"The standard is Word, sir."

"I'm a writer and Word sucks ass," he said bluntly.  "I hate Word.  I hate Open Office."

"All right.  I can understand that."  He walked them off to the laptop section.  "Anything else you need?"

"A lot of storage," Rick said dryly.  "And a DVD player."  He smiled.

"I can arrange that.  Do you want a smaller one or a larger one?"

"Larger," Xander said.  "The smaller usually have less strength."

"True."  He found a few.  "There is a rollback/conversion feature that would let you run an older program like it was still on that old system."  He showed them that on the sample that was on.  "How do you feel about Windows 7?"

"Can I gag?" Xander asked.

"Probably not on the samples, sir.  Please."  He smiled.  "We do have a few Vista systems."

"XP?"

"You'd have to have that installed and then find a lot of drivers.  It's also not supported by Microsoft anymore.  Now, there is the Apple systems."

"Which won't run Word Perfect," Rick said.  "Plus it's not going to help him."

"Okay, so we'll stick with Windows."  He showed him what they had.

Xander stared.  "They're all so.... yuck."  He pointed.  "I have an older version of that one."

"That's actually going out of style so it's on sale."  He let them see that.  "We'd have to modify it to get the DVD option on it."

Xander went back to the higher end systems.  Larger, heavier, but nicer.  He picked one up to test it.  "Very heavy for writing in the park."

Rick pointed at one.  "Same company, same features, a bit lighter and a smaller screen."  Xander walked over to look at that one.  He test lifted it.  "Mine at home is about that size."

"Mine's about that weight," he admitted.  "I'll have to transfer everything over," he said.

"Yeah," Rick agreed.  "But they can do that for you."

Xander shrugged.  "They'll still not get things like the password files and those things."

"True.  But we can put your old hard drive into a case and use it as a second drive," the clerk said.

"You can?" Xander asked.  He nodded, showing him a case for it.  "Huh.  So I'd only have to transfer some things?"

"Yup," Rick agreed.  "Though you might have to reinstall Word Perfect and some of the games."

"We have specialists here who can do all that for you," the clerk said.  "As long as you have the program disks."

Xander looked at the one he was fondling.  "Can this one be rolled back to XP?"

"If you have the disks but it'll take time to find all the little drivers and things."

"Hopefully mine won't break this week.  It'll be a pain in the ass to carry around an extra drive."

"It could be," the clerk agreed.  "You said you're a writer, right?"  Xander nodded.  "So you'd need wi-fi connection so you can send in stories and do instant research?"

"Some.  Half the time the computer's at home.  Now and then I have to travel to conventions, to the park, that sort of thing.  I have a netbook for inventory and menial office tasks like that.  I know I don't want that for writing.  I tried and it sucked.  The keyboard was too small and I had a lot of problems with the screen size."  He went back to the larger one.  "That's really nice."

"It is," Rick agreed with a grin.  "You could keep your old one for backup.  Use this for the daily and the travel."

"I could, yeah.  It's awfully expensive."

"It's a business expense for your taxes," Rick said.  "You have to have a computer to write."

Xander nodded.  "I just fill out the easy form."

"No, you need someone to do it for you," Rick said patiently.  "That way you get all the little deductions you can have."

"So H&R Block?"

"Yup.  You could probably get credit for buying the apartment too."

"That was last year."

"They can amend last year's," the clerk agreed.  "We can customize either of those to suit your needs, sir."

Xander looked then at Rick, who smirked and nodded.  "Okay.  You twisted my arm."

"I'll make Alexis take you shopping if you don't get at least one," Rick ordered.

Xander looked at him.  "When have I been that mean to you?"

"Good point."  He smirked.  "Pick?"

"Yes."  He looked at the guy.  "Yes."  He beamed and got them to the register with the cards.  There would have to be some customizing going on.  Xander filled out the credit card app and got approved so he even got ten percent off.   He ended up paying a hundred bucks for the customizing job but that was fine.  Then they went to lunch.  Maybe he'd give Tara his netbook.

***

Paula showed up the next week and looked at Xander.  "Is she still possessed?"

"No.  Why?"

"Your last check hasn't shown up yet either."

"Maybe that's what the ashes were."

"No, I sent out one the day after that."

"Oh, no that's in my bag."  He pointed.  "I haven't made it out of the house in a few days thanks to the reporters and writing for you."  He got back to the current paragraph then saved it.  He sighed.  "Finally!"

"Did we work out the smut and weapons?"

"No, but I incorporated them into something dark, sinister, and that made Rick cackle in glee."  He smiled sweetly.

"Let me see it."

"It needs proofread."

"Yay."  He huffed but got up so she could sit down.  She got to the start of the document and stared then at him.  "They're going to roast you for that."

"No, that way the prophecies get out there."  He smiled.  "That way I don't have to quibble and someone will probably see it.  That way it's not my fault."

"Fine."  She went back to reading.  It was another branch of the hunter universe dealing with seers and magic users.  She was drawn in but shivered at a few things.  "Is that rite true?"

"I've stopped it twice, once on me."

"Okay then," she decided, saving it and sending it to herself at work.  "I'll hand it to your editor after I do a read.  It might be too dark for the company."

Xander shrugged.  "Then we can put it underground I guess."

"We could," she agreed.  She stood up and kissed him on the cheek.  "Need a ride to the bank?"

"Yeah.  Are they still out there?"

"Of course they are."  He grabbed the stuff from his bag and she walked him out, letting him lock the door before they got onto the elevator.  He put on his sunglasses before walking out there.

"Alexian, is this your girlfriend?" one called, taking their picture.

"She's my publisher, people.  She nags me about my output."  He walked around one.  "Aren't you supposed to be a hundred feet from the doorway?"  He scowled.  "Asshole, move."  The guy pulled a gun and Xander moved Paula out of the way, using the momentum to duck then come up and kick him right after he shot the bare spot.  It hit a reporter's camera.  He kicked him again, this time hitting the side of his head.

The guy fired again, getting him on the thigh but yay.  He was still going to be in a lot of pain.  Police cars rushed up and he panted but kicked him back at one, then stood there, panting and holding his side.  "Okay, now I'm fucking pissed off," he said coldly, staring at the guy being cuffed.  "Who are you?  Council or someone else?"  The officers gave him a worried look.

Xander limped over and snatched the wallet to look at it then at the guy.  "Ah, you're a hunter."  He hit him again.  "Tell the demons I said hi."  He tossed the wallet back and walked back, helping Paula up.  "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine but you're bleeding, Xander!"  She gathered up the fallen check and things, stuffing them in her purse.  "Guys, he's bleeding," she called.

"Ambulance is on the way, ma'am," one reported.

"I'm fine, I only need a bandage.  I could go upstairs and do one," he said, still holding his side.

She moved his hand, frowning.  "I'll be damned if you do," she ordered.  He glared.  She scowled back.  "Watch me hold your checks back for not taking care of yourself!"  The officer nearest them snickered at that. "Its' not funny!  He broke his wrist in that battle and no one knew until it was giving him fits."  One of the reporters picked up something and waved it.  She looked and put it into her purse.  "Thank you."  The ambulance showed up.  "He's got two holes.  He's going to the hospital."

"I can be bandaged.  They're both through and throughs, that'll only take a bandage, Paula.  Calm down.  Guys, she could use a valium."  The paramedics got them both into the ambulance to look them over.  Xander fussed but let them bandage him, refusing to go to the hospital.  She glared but he scowled back.  "I'm fine with the bandage.  I promise."  She huffed but let the paramedics take her and tried to keep him but they had to let him go since he didn't want to go.

Xander got out and closed the doors, patting them.  He looked at the person in custody.  "Remember, you don't piss off the seers.  They quit giving out information."  The man flinched.  "I don't have to do anything to help anyone.  You've made sure of it."  He limped off.  "Guys, I'm going for caffeine.  I'm sure you can get the nice stalker's videos.  Do you need more of a statement?"

"Yes, sir," one said, following him.  "You probably should've gone to the ER, sir.  You're obviously in pain."

Xander looked then at him.  "I've had worse."  The guy moaned, shaking his head.  "I've been staked with my own stake in the past.  In the stomach.  These were just minor pass-throughs."  He shrugged.  "I hope you guys have a lot of fun with him in jail."

"So do I, sir.  When did you know he was a problem?"

"When he was within the boundaries of the stalkerazzi's restraining order and didn't move, didn't ask anything, and pulled a gun."  He nodded, writing that down.  Xander ordered his coffee and got the officer one too, earning a smile.  He sipped it on the way back.  "Paula can deposit those checks for me," he decided.  "I'm going to go hide before more of them show up."

"I have a few more questions, sir."  He put him against the car and asked them.  Xander answered between sips and the officer got what he needed.  "Can we call someone to come help you, sir?  A girlfriend, roommate?  Anyone?"

"I'm fine.  I'm going to my warehouse so my roommate can't fuss.  She's like that."  He smiled and limped off, catching the bus once it showed up.  It was only a few stops from the house.

The officer finished his report and headed back to the station, finding a detective waiting on him.  "Yes, Detective?  Can I help you with a case?"

"What happened to Harris?  He's like a mascot some days."  He let him read the statement, nodding at that.  "Okay.  Where is he?"

"He said something about his warehouse so no one could fuss."

"That won't save him."  He smirked.  "Bad?  Grazes?"

"He said through and through's.  The paramedics didn't argue with him too much. The woman with him was nearly hysterical so they might be sedating her.  My partner confiscated videos since there were reporters there."

"Thanks.  Let me have a copy so I can use it against him the next time he has bad judgement?"  The officer got him a copy, making him a happy detective.  He went up there, sliding it into Beckett's computer and turning it on when the program popped up.  She watched then looked at him.  "He's hiding at the warehouse.  They said through and throughs."

"Castle, go get your minion and make him hit a doctor."

"He doesn't have one, doesn't usually go to one, and refuses to acknowledge their existence most of the time."  He stood up so he could watch it over her shoulder.  "His training is showing through again.  His fight teacher would probably be very proud of him.  Why is he holding his side?"

"Because the third shot that went off when he made him drop the gun went into it," she said, rerunning it back that far.  "Did the attending officers act frantic?"

"No, the uniform who answered said that the paramedics didn't press too hard to take him but the woman with him was probably being sedated."

Castle called her phone, getting her.  "Need a ride home?"  He grinned.  "I'm sure he is.  Yeah, we'll check on him later.  I might even be mean enough to tell Mother."  He hung up.  "Let me get her home.  I'll be back in about an hour."

"Check on the kid," Beckett ordered.  "If he's that injured, drag him."

He looked at her.  "With the way people want him dead, that'd be like Rushdie showing up at a hospital in Iran," he said quietly.  She nodded, understanding that.  "I'm sure he'll be okay and if not I'm siccing my Mother and Tara on him."  He left, going down to his car.   The hospital wasn't that far away, though it took him nearly forty-five minutes thanks to traffic.  He smiled at the nurse.  "I'm here to pick up my publisher.  They brought her in being a bit hysterical."  She called back there and Paula was wheeled out.  He signed her out and took her prescription then they wheeled her to the car.  She slid in and he smiled at the nurse.  "Thank you."

"She mostly needed a good rant but her blood pressure is a worry," she told him.  "She said you're her ex-husband."

"We know.  We've seen it a few times."  He smirked and slid in, taking her home.  "Pharmacy?"

"I don't...."

"I don't care.  Argue with me and I'm having your assistant slip it to you like we used to have to give Alexis medicine as a kid."

"I'll have it delivered."

"Fine."  He drove her home, looking at her.  "Need anything else?"

"I think I have all of Xander's checks on me so I can deposit them."

"He's hiding at the warehouse from Tara."

"I'm going to beat his ass myself," she assured him.

He grinned.  "Beckett ordered me to nag.  I was going to let Mother do it."

She stared at him.  "Go get laid, Rick, you're going evil," she said then got out and went up to her apartment to rest.  That sedative was really powerful.

Rick smirked, calling her assistant on his way to the house.  "Sue, Rick Castle.  Paula's on her couch at home sedated.  Because she had to watch Xander get into a fight with a guy holding a gun on them.  No, he's fine enough to sneak off.  She's a bit exhausted from the sedative though.  Please.  Thank you."  He hung up and went to talk his mother into it.  It would save Tara's nerves too.

***

Martha walked into the warehouse, grimacing.  "Well I suppose it's not as dirty as some are but still very dusty."

"It's too large to dust," Xander said, looking over from where he was looking over an artifact.  "What's up?"

"I was ordered to come check on you.  Something about you not taking care of yourself?"

He snorted.  "I'm a better field medic than some, Martha.  I'm fine."

"I'm sure you think you are but you should still be seen by a professional."  She walked over.  "They could get infected or anything, Xander.  Then who would pay my granddaughter that much to simply read for him?"

"I'm still fine."  He put the artifact down and made notes on it then looked at her.  "Our first aid kit contains some antibiotics and things.  I'm fine."

"You're not fine."  She stared at him.  "Did one molest you or something?"

"Well, a few have almost killed me," he said dryly, "but not that, no."

She gave him a dirty look.  "Ours are much nicer than the ones in your former town, Xander.  Now, come along.  Quit being childish."

"I'm not.  I've got them taken care of."

She grabbed him by the wrist, seeing the flinch.  "What?  Did that get hurt too?"

"Back during the battle.  It's healing."

She stared at him.  "Did you not have anyone check on you after that?"

"The docs then were doing clean up jobs.  It's fine.  It's not dislocated or anything."

"Most people get casts," she pointed out.

"If it had been more than a simple break, I would have.  I have used a wrist brace at home since typing was bothering it.  Not like I've done much of anything since then."

She stared at him.  "If you turn my granddaughter into some militant woman with a high pain tolerance I will kill you," she said bluntly.  "Get in the car, Xander."

"I'm fine."

She grabbed him by the ear and walked him out.  "I'm sure you'll be fine after we have someone look those over for you, dear."

"You know, I'm not actually a grandkid."

"I know.  Mine has sense enough to see a professional, one with a degree from an excellent institution, when she's injured."  She let go of his ear when she got the car door open.  "Inside, Xander."  He huffed but got in.  "Now, do you have anything against Jewish doctors?  The family one is."

"No, as long as they're not demons."

"No, I don't believe she is.  I've seen her out on the town in clubbing clothes, she didn't have a single scale or anything."  She drove him off, mentally shaking her head.  This one she was going to have to spank more than she ever did her son.  That way he couldn't ruin her granddaughter from the sweet, sensible girl she is.  He stiffened when they got to the clinic building.

She stared at him then across the street.  "Yes, the British embassy but even if those sort that had the contract on you were there, this is much too open of a spot for them to react in."  She parked and got out, walking around to help him out.  Of course, she was proved wrong.  Xander had her on the ground before she realized she had heard the shot.  "Well, this is not how I wanted to be on my back today," she decided.  She heard sirens, which she was thankful for.  Xander was nowhere in sight.  She sat up, looking around.  "Where did he take off to?" she asked the first officer.

"The one who shot at you, ma'am?"

"No, the one I was dragging to the doctor because someone tried to shoot him earlier."  She heard a growl.  "Xander!"  The officer flinched but someone screamed.  Someone not him.  "I believe he's showing someone the error of their ways for shooting at me."  He nodded, jogging off to figure that out.  The other officers were as well.  She hauled herself up and leaned against the car, fanning her face.  "He's definitely stronger than I expected.  All that sword work does a body good.  Maybe I'll see if Chet would like to take up fencing."  The officers brought Xander back.  "Boys, he was the one protecting me."

"Yes, ma'am, but we found him beating two different people and only one had a gun."

"The other was probably part of the same group that has the contract on his life."  She stared at Xander.

"Yeah, it was Traver's wife.  He's the one who put the contract out on me and she did have a gun.  She threw it when she saw me."

The officers brought the others with him.  "Fortunately they didn't run back into the embassy."

"Did you find that other gun?" the first officer asked.

"Yes.  She also said he's evil and corrupting the slayer line?"

"I'm the reason there's two," Xander said dryly.  "I used to be on the same team as Buffy, which they didn't like.  They thought it should be one girl who was treated like shit and no one else."

"Ah.  That's them."  That officer nodded.  "Why did they shoot at you?"

"A five million dollar contract as of the last time I heard."

"Oh, dear," the officer said.  "So one shot and instead of taking cover you went after them?"

Xander looked at him.  "They might've hurt someone else to draw me."

"Kid, you need retrained.  That's crappy trained reflexes," the officer holding him said.  "Are you injured anywhere?"

"Yes, he has two holes I'm having checked out from an earlier attempt to kill him and a broken wrist," Martha said.  "That came from the battle out by LA."

The officer nodded.  "Good idea."  He looked at them.  "Are they pressing charges?  Because they know he can out their little fun and games since we all know what a slayer is now."  He stared at them.  One whimpered.  "Or they could take the minor charge of firing a firearm in the city."

"He still beat me," the woman said.

"You had a gun too," Xander said dryly, looking at her.  "And I know who you are.  Your husband started all this shit."

"You're wrong to have jumped in!" she shouted.

"I was fucking born there, lady.  I don't lay down and die for anyone."  He stared at her.  "Beyond that, thanks to Cordelia, I saw what I would've been liked when I was turned.  It wasn't pretty and I made Angelus look sweet and mild when I tortured him."  He strolled over.  "I became the favorite child of the Master," he said dryly, smirking at her.  "Then I turned Willow to be my torture buddy.  All that magical gift... all my gifts."  He sneered.  "You guys wouldn't have lasted very long at all."  She shuddered and backed down.  "If she wants I'll gladly go to jail.  It'll get me out of seeing the doctor."

"No, sir, we'd have ours look you over," the officer assured him with a smile.  "But no painkillers."

"I've only had advil now."  The officer gaped.  He shrugged.  "I've had worse than this from a patrol night.  Hell, I had worse than this from a date night."  He looked at the watchers.  "You know, somewhere there's a really powerful me in one of the worlds and I bet I could talk Willow into finding him to come calm me down.  That way he'd have fun with you guys."  They shrank down and shook their heads.  "Yeah, I could.  Also, remember, fucking with the seers who only see the huge ass battles means he doesn't have to tell you a thing about when you get destroyed."  They glared.  He smirked.  "I only see the apocalypses."  He walked off.

"Inside," Martha ordered.  "If you don't want him, boys?"

"No, ma'am.  You can have him," they assured her with a smile.   "I doubt they want to press charges."  They shook their heads quickly.  "Good.  Then let's get you down there and booked in on discharging a firearm charges."  He cuffed that one.  He looked at the other one.  "You're free to go tell your husband all you want, ma'am, but if any more of you show up in my city the whole NYPD will invade your building and take out everyone.  SWAT needs a new exercise."

Xander looked over.  "I can show you where their storage areas are," he offered.  The watchers growled.  He smirked.  "Aww, such sucky hellhound puppies you make."  The officer got the one in the car and escorted the other one back.

"Xander, please quit baiting the mentally insufficient person," Martha said dryly.  "It's not fun when they're that stupid."  She walked him inside.  "Matilda, this is a friend of the family.  He got shot earlier and only got bandaged.  He's going to be signing on to come here for the normal things as well."

She smiled.  "We do have a walk-in clinic today, Mrs. Castle, but it's really only for patients.  I'll see if I can take new patients since you're referring him and dragging him for such a serious injury."  She went to check with the head nurse, who sighed but allowed it.  She came back and got the new patient folder, handing it over with a pen and a clipboard.  "Here you go, sir.  Fill that out please."  He nodded, trudging to do that.

Martha followed.  "Don't forget whatever disease you had that made my son swear about your safety last year, Xander."  She sat down and pulled a book out of her purse.  She had come prepared.  Even if she did have to drag him into the office by his ear.  Really, her son hadn't been this troublesome.  Why was this one?  Clearly his parents were unworthy of the status.  He got called back, handing the nurse the forms.

She read them over.  "How did you get smallpox?"

"I was working construction when we fell into a native burial chamber.  I, of course, fell on the body so I got stabbed with lots of little bone shards.  I'm told they can brew it down but it's a dead strain so I'm not a problem.  I've never had a single symptom of either one."

"Either...."  He pointed.  "Seriously?"

"Yeah.  Got them at the same time.  I know it wasn't my former fiancee's fault since they happened at the same time.  She started being a ho after that."

"Okay."  She did the usual first time patient checks and got him into a room to help him out of his clothes since he was moving so stiffly.  "Mrs. Castle said two gunshot wounds and a broken wrist?"

"Yup."  He waved it.  "It's healing nicely but she yanked on it earlier before she found my ear."

She smiled, nodding.  "Mothers like her can be fierce if you're naughty."

He grinned.  "I'm very naughty but you're not evil enough for me to date," he quipped.

"No, I'm a very good girl, Mr. Harris, and I'd never date a patient even if I wasn't."  She winked and got on with the checks.  "Who bandaged them?"

"The paramedics then I changed them when the one on my leg split open again about an hour ago."

"All right.  How did you know how to do that?  And yes, before you can say it I did see that battle."

He shrugged.  "Patrol.  It was necessary.  Our hospital in Sunnydale liked to kill people."

"Some do have higher rates due to infection."

"No I mean they literally killed people.  On purpose so they could sell the parts."  She shuddered.  "It was safer if I did stitches."

"I guess it would be.  Did you do these?"  He nodded.  "They're very professional looking," she praised.  "Let me get the doctor."  She left, going to talk to her.  "He's a macho, tough guy, did his own stitches and a bandage change earlier when one broke open."  She handed over the chart.  "His wrist isn't casted.  Touching it I felt a bit of warmth but it's not overly swollen.  He said he was the patrol medic for his group before."

"Interesting."  She read over the file.  "How...."

"He said he fell onto a body in a burial chamber."

"Oh.  Symptoms?"

"He said no.  Just antibodies."

"Huh."  She went in to meet with him, finding him looking at his side.  "It looks well cleaned."  He grinned at her.  "How did you do the ones on the back of your thigh?"

"Needlenose pliers and a mirror."

"Okay."  She came over to check on them, then do the usual health checks.  "I'd like to pull some blood to make sure that you're harboring the usual bad health things like high cholesterol."  He shrugged.  "I promise we won't tell them anything about the antibodies you carry."  He grinned.  "Then I'll look over the wounds and your wrist more."  She got what she needed to draw the blood and had it sent off.  "There we go."  She came back to probe the wounds.  "Any debris?"

"Not that I could see.  The paramedics rinsed them both really good."

"It appears they did a good job."  She looked at him.  "You could've had the ER handle it."

"No offense, but no, I hate your profession.  I can't stand doctors."

"I understand.  A lot of macho guys can't," she assured him with a grin.  He relaxed.  "Now, let's see your wrist.  X-rays?"

"No.  They said the swelling would go down that night and I knew how to take care of a broken thing since I had broken my arm my senior year."

"I can accept that reasoning.  We have a portable machine here so we can take one.  That way we can check on how it's healing."  He shrugged but grimaced.  "It's not that expensive and you do carry a nice insurance."

"I have since I was eighteen in case I ended up in the hospital of death out there."

"They're that bad?"

"Well, now there's no humans they can kill for parts."  She stared at him.  "I'm from Sunnydale, Doctor.  The FBI shut down our hospital the same time it shut down the town for being so full of assholes.  Half of them were getting paid on the side for organ, blood, bone, and tissue procurement.  One of the guys in the ER was selling fresh bodies for necrophiles.  We hated the ER out there."

"I can see why."  She nodded, feeling his wrist again.  "We'll make sure you don't need to see one of us on a longer term basis, just for the bad things.  All right?  I'm not mean, I won't sell you to anyone and I'd only try to kill you if you hit on me."

He snickered.  "I only draw bad and evil ones, Doc."

"Then it's a good thing my staff is full of good people."  She smiled and got the x-ray machine.  He let her take a picture of it and it was easy enough to read.  It came out in a digital image a few minutes later.  "I see the break and it's not too bad.  Looks about half healed."

He looked then nodded.  "I didn't figure it was fully broken in more than that one spot."

"Do you have a brace?"  He nodded.  "You should be wearing it."

"I'm resting it right now.  I planned on hiding in the warehouse, playing with the stuff in it, but Martha dragged me here and nearly got herself shot by the Watcher idiots.  Her son is going to kill me."

She looked at him, then smiled.  "You need a nap.  You're clearly running on adrenaline."  He nodded, shrugging a bit.  "Well, you can nap after this."  She changed the bandages and doublechecked his stitches, wrote him an antibiotic, and then gave him a sucker like she would the kids.  He grinned a sweet, shy grin at her, making her happier.  The warrior was fading back into the man again.  "Good boy, go sleep it off."

"I have cats who love to cuddle."  He walked out, unwrapping it.  "Do I have a copay?" he asked.

"No, Mr. Harris.  You've already met it for this year."

He nodded.  "Car accident," he said around the lollipop.  She smiled.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  She let him out and he stood in front of his nagging friend's mother.

She smiled.  "Good, you could probably use a bit of sugar."  She put her book back in her purse and stood up.  "The Detectives wanted to see you."

"I need a nap.  Can I be nagged tomorrow?"

"I doubt that.  You can rest in the car."  She walked him out, taking him over there.   Both of the male detectives were waiting outside.  She parked and got out.  "He's exhausted, boys."

"His first instinct when being shot at should be to find cover," Detective Ryan assured her.  "Not duck and attack."

Xander got out, staying by the car.  "I really need a nap."

"I'm sure you do," he agreed.  "You can nap in our breakroom to make sure there's no others."

"Did they try to break into the apartment?"

"No.  We have a uniform there.  He told the reporters someone else had shot at you so they'd tell us when someone unfamiliar came near the building.  Inside," Esposito said.  He smiled at Martha.  "Thank you for dragging him to the doctor."

"Sometimes you boys are too tough for your own good.  Thankfully my son never caught that disease."

Detective Ryan smirked at her.  "Neither have we.  Beckett...."  She laughed as she drove off.  "C'mon.  Beckett wanted to chew you a new one."  He led him up there, shaking his head.  "Who gave you the sucker?"

"The doctor she dragged me to."

"Good."  They got off and walked him into the squad room, earning a dirty look from Beckett.  "Castle's mom dragged him to the doctor."

"I can see the stick.  Well?  What happened there?  I'm asking so Castle can't yell at you."

"The British Embassy was across the street."

She groaned, shaking her head.  "His mother?"

"I got her out of the way with me."

"Good!  Next time, don't chase them down."  She swatted him with a folder.  He yelped.  "We're going to teach you to find shelter.  We really are."

"There wasn't any."

"You could have gotten you both behind the car instead of chasing after them to beat them to death," she said bluntly.  "I know you can."  He grimaced but shrugged.  "I know it's how you're trained.  Retrain for the urban environment and not being on patrol."  She stared him down.  He nodded, looking down.  "Thank you.  I didn't need the gray hairs either.  Castle might have to dye his by the end of the day."

"It's not my fault they attacked."

"I know that.  Your responses to being attacked is what worries us."

"Not like I'm going to sit there and whine."

"Most combat veterans say the same thing," Esposito said.  He shrugged.  "It's still needs to be gone over again since you're *retired*."

"I know," Xander sighed.

"Good boy."  He patted him on the head.  "Let us get him home so he can sleep off the adrenaline crash."  She pointed at the break room.  "Will the Captain allow it?"

"Yup.  He ordered it so we don't have a third attempt."  Xander trudged that way.

Rick stared at him since he was in there getting coffee.  "Thank you for protecting my mother," he said quietly.

"It wasn't my intention to see her in danger."

"I know."  He put down the pot, looking at him.  "Crash, kid.  I'll yell at the people who want to kill you later."

Xander shrugged.  "Your doctor's across from the British Embassy."

"I didn't even think about that," he agreed.  "Sleep it off."  Xander nodded, laying down.  "Shoes off, even if they do stink."

"They do not."  He toed them off and put them under the couch.  He fell asleep pretty quickly.

Rick walked out carrying coffee for the others.  "He crashed hard."

Beckett nodded.  "I do usually after a bad fight too."  She took her coffee to sip.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."

"Train him to find cover?" she asked.

"I'm glad he thought to get Mother out of the way."

"True, he's good at it.  He still needs to be able to find cover."  Rick nodded.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He sipped his coffee.  "Where did he get the lollipop?  I doubt my mother gave it to him."

"The doctor."

"She is a very nice lady.  Very delicate touch with serious injuries."  He sipped his coffee and put it down again.  "Should we tell Tara?"

"No, they hate it when she bursts out swearing in her own gentle way about him being hurt," Ryan said with a grin.  "Something about the library being nondenominational so to please quit calling out loudly for the Goddess to save her temper."

"He'd drive me to it too," Beckett agreed.

Esposito rolled his chair over.  "A lot of people just off combat have the same sort of reactions.  I don't think any of the counselors that handle that could handle hunting and I doubt there's shrinks that work for hunters.  I think most of them go until they die of it or they get the whatever that drove them to hunting and then they drink themselves to death."  She nodded that was likely.  "So we need to find a way to help him calm them down then deal with it."

Ryan rolled over.  "It probably doesn't help that all his dates are evil."

"No, but it might be more fun since he doesn't draw anyone else," Rick told them.  "I've introduced him to some very nice women.  So has Paula.  None of them gave him more than a 'hi'."

"He seriously needs another steady one," Ryan said.  "It'd make him calmer and happier, plus she might take over the proofreading jobs if and when Tara moves in with her girlfriend."

"I think he's dreading that.  His last one had a lot of people leaving the main character," Castle admitted.

"It's nice he has that outlet for his subconscious," Ryan agreed.  He looked toward the break room.  "I'm not sure if he's asleep or not."

Castle looked then nodded.  "Yeah, whenever he's not in a protected spot like home he doesn't fully relax into sleep.  It's like a nap for him."  He shifted in his chair.  "I've caught him doing it during conventions."

"Must suck to have to worry about being kidnaped by fangirls," Esposito teased.

"They'd never take him.  They might pull a Misery if he's in need and keep him but not steal him.   He isn't known for writing things that get people that hot.  Me they'd steal for months on end," he finished dryly.

"With the way you wrote that one sex scene, yeah," Ryan agreed, scooting back to his own desk.

Beckett shook her head.   "Think they'd cut off your feet too?"

"I don't know," he admitted.  "Alexis would have Xander save me long before then."

She smirked.  "You hope."

"No, I'm pretty sure or he'd do it and present me to her then walk off humming again."

"Again?"

"My car broke down one night when I had been out being happy and he had to give me a ride home before someone else gave me the wrong sort of ride home."

"I heard about that case."  She got back to work.  Her captain's phone rang and he growled so she looked that way.  "Problems?"

"Some reporter wanting to know if we arrested him for either incident earlier."

"No.  We have him in protective custody so they can't do it again," she said.  He transferred the call out.  "Gee, thanks."  She answered it.  "Beckett."  She listened.  "No, he's in protective custody so no one else takes a shot at him today and endangers anyone else in this city.  When he's finished resting and calming down I'll have him escorted home so the nice uniforms can beat up on the reporters who shout stupid things at him.  Yes, I am the one that works with Castle," she sighed.  "Here."  She handed it over.

Rick took the phone.  "This is Castle.  Hi, Megan.  No, he's worn out from earlier so we're giving him a safe place to calm down and rest.  I promise he's not under arrest.  No, Tara's not missing.  She's avoiding your tribe like the plague you are," he said dryly.  "He's been calling you stalkers.  Well, if there's some evil ones he could use a date," he said dryly.

"Otherwise no.  He's not doing anything interesting at all.  He hardly ever comes out of the house.  Especially since you guys have started your stalking."  He listened.  "I didn't know she told that story on Leno.  Yes, that was him if she said it was him.  Yes, he had her brought here.  She was just fine.  I'm sure she was.  He's a very sweet guy.

"No, I wouldn't let my daughter date him because only the bad and wicked girls like him.  He has an unfortunate draw to people who want to hurt others.  They're all that are interested in him so he's settling.  I'd love to see him with someone nice, yes, but they don't like him.

"I've introduced a great number to him and they've all said he was nice but not their type.  Exactly.  Only less shallow.  No he's had a fiancee in the past, she cheated on him with half the town.  He doesn't need that again.  Yes she would.  She has to everyone else.  Oh, I don't know, my first ex wife liked him," he said dryly.

"It made me wonder what was wrong with her," Beckett muttered.

Rick covered the mouthpiece.  "She wanted the sex."  He uncovered it.  "What?"  He shook his head.  "No, we're not collaborating.  I'm the role model he looked up to when he started to write books.  We talked at some conventions and things.  He's a very nice guy.  He thinks of my daughter like a little sister.  Exactly.

"So let's leave him alone, guys.  Before he finds some way to hide from humanity for good?  He can't even go to the movies because fo you guys.  No, he's not interested in the red carpet lifestyle.  He'd much rather not get press attention like that.  I'm quite sure.  I don't know if he's going to the one in Florida.  He might be.  I'd have to ask when he woke up.  Yes, napping on the couch up here.  He got shot at twice today."  He smirked at Beckett.  "They only heard about one."

"Yay," she said dryly.  "Hang up on them?"

"Beckett said we need to get back to work so I'm going to let you go.  No, you have a wonderful day and we'll see what's going on later.  I don't know.  He might just sneak in through the sewers to get past you guys.  You have a better day."  He hung up.  "I agree, they're stalkers," he muttered.

"You're really good at that," she said dryly.  "It's like asskissing for politicians."

"It keeps book sales up and I'm told I have to teach him how to do it better.  Each bad remark in the press means less sales and then you get dropped."

"Ah.  No wonder they had the bimbos in fantasy cop outfits posing around you the last time," she snarked.

"Sex sells and books aren't sexy unless you make them be that way or you're Anne Rice."  Ryan cackled, shaking his head.  "His smut and weapons binge a few months back made him decide he'd never want to be her.  We all agreed, he'd be really creepy."

Esposito shook his head.  "I don't think anyone could publish that sort of stuff today."

Castle looked at him.  "He'd have to be more subtle than he was but he could turn most of them into one.  He'd just have to change some words and edit it really hard for an R rating. Well, and take out the one part where the team was screwing in the woods and a buck came out to try to help by horning them so they'd leave his forest."  Beckett shook her head all the way to the coffee pot and the tylenol box.

"Is that like the tree thing?" Esposito asked.  Castle smirked and nodded.  "That poor kid needs someone to unwarp his mind."

"The newest in the hunter series is dark, sexy, and is about seers and witches."  They both smirked at him.  "We're talking full blown rites, prophecies, and all that.  Paula was sweating while reading it.  She read it out loud and *Mother* covered Alexis' ears."  They smirked at that because his mother was more open than he was most of the time.  "Yeah, it's that way.  That one, it'll top my next one probably."

"Damn," Ryan said, shaking his head but he was smiling.  "He'll have to watch out for groupies."

"Fantasy groupies are called geeks," Castle told him.  "They already love him like a strange prince of their land."

"Then who's the king one?" Esposito asked.

"You saw that guy McKay they stalked after the battle?  Him."  They both laughed and went to get more coffee too.  Castle got up to cover up the kid so he'd drift off again.  Xander mumbled something.  "No, no vampires in here, Xander.  Just us.  We'll keep Spike away from you."  Xander smiled and snuggled in better.  He walked off shaking his head.

Beckett came out.  "He lived with one?"

"The blond vampire from the battle?  He was incapacitated so he couldn't hunt.  Giles made him keep him tied in his recliner a few times."

"Huh."

"Giles apparently tied him in his tub."

"That's not where I'd want them."

"Maybe he had two bathrooms," Castle quipped.

"Yeah, hopefully."  She shook her head.  "Are the stalkers still outside his building?"

"Yes.  Worried about him."

"It's nice they do have feelings and hearts," she said dryly.  "I wish they'd show them other times."  She got back to work until Xander woke up.  He looked adorably confused.  She stomped on that sentiment because she wasn't an evil girl, a bad girl, or a weapons dealer - she wasn't his type.  Or his mother.

The End.

Chapter 15: Convention in Miami

A writer's convention in Miami reveals some things that Xander's been working on to counter his persona non grata issue in the demon world.

Xander walked into the hotel in Miami, taking off his sunglasses.  "Hi, I'm Alexian Harris."

The check-in girl smiled at him.  "I take it you're an author, sir?"

"I am."

"We had another author do the same thing."

"He's the one that taught it to me."  He grinned.

"No bags?"

"Yeah."  He pointed at them.

"We do have a bellhop, sir."

"I can carry.  I'm not that famous yet."  He smiled and took his room key.  "Thank you."  He picked up his bags and walked off.  Someone came jogging in and said something to him.  "I thought I closed that."  He followed them back out to get his other bag and close the trunk.  "Sorry.  I thought I had grabbed them all."  He walked back inside and up to his room.  He fell face first on his bed, groaning into it.  Someone knocked.  "I'm tired."  They knocked again so he went to open it.  "Hi, Paula."

"Xander, what's wrong?"

"Flight."

"You flew coach.  You should go first class."

He stared at her.  "I'm not that famous yet."

"Fine."  She patted him on the cheek.  "I have the galleys for the newest book.  The CEO wanted to read it when he heard it was a bit sexy.  I'm told he had to actually take off his tie, which was phenomenal, then he went to pounce his mistress and even slept with his wife."  Xander grinned.  "So we're a go and it's already looking wonderful.  I only cut ten pages and it was her babbling in magic.  I substituted that she babbled in magic basically so no one could try the rite."

"I can understand that."  He took them to flip to those sections, taking her pen to correct something he hated.  She took it back and nodded that made more sense.  "Yes, it was in Summerian."

"That's fine."  She smiled.  "People want you on the supernatural panel today."

"Today?" he asked.

"Tonight, nine."

He sighed but nodded.  "Okay.  I can eat and perk up."

She smiled.  "There's an author free read for the next one.  I suggest chapter two.  Rick is doing his more sultry parts of the newest novel too."

"So we'll have dueling smut?"

"Perhaps."

"How about the stalking scene?"

"I did like that one and it did make me sweat."  She smiled.  "Though that's a female character so ....  It might still work."  She patted him on the head.  "Eat something to help the headache.  Take a short nap and get up by six so you can shower, change, and get down there in time.  You sign things tomorrow."  Xander nodded.  "Good boy."  She left, taking the galleys to fax back to her assistant.  She swore, if the higher ups touched a single thing she was going to start her own company and take Rick and Xander with her.

Fortunately her bosses were out.  So the final proof was emailed later on with those few changes.  She compared but had to change back a section.  Her assistant said the bosses wanted it to be more subtle.  She got Xander in to rewrite it more subtle.  Of course, he didn't know what subtle was so it got racier yet less descriptive.  No more naughty words.  She sent it back as the FINAL edit, meaning it would not be changed.  Her assistant said she understood and had sent it to the final proofreading and publishing step.  Then she got to work on Xander's next one in DCIS.  He was a full time job for her.

***

Rick smirked at the kid as he walked into the free reading session.  "What're you putting out?" he asked.

"Stalking."  He grinned.  "Paula agreed."

"I liked that too.  She let me do some of the proofreading."  Xander sat next to him, smiling at the people around them.  "Guys, have you met Alexian Harris yet?"  Most of them waved.  Xander grinned and waved back.  "Who's going first?"

"You can," a female writer said.  "He's new so he can end."  They all nodded they agreed.  Rick opened his book and started to read.  A few looked very interested and one started to sweat.  He finished up and got some mild clapping.  The others read and got good claps.

Xander cleared his throat and found his section, smiling as he started to read.  Everyone stared at him.  He coughed and finished up.  No one clapped.  "I'm sorry if you didn't like it."

The female stared at him.  "Was that a male character?"

"No.  The lead is a female."

"Hmm.  That makes more sense and makes it hotter than Rick's."  They smirked as they walked out together.

Xander looked at Rick.  "I didn't mean to make them warmer than you."

"That's an honor."  He walked the kid out and gave him a nudge.  "C'mon, we'll hit a classy club.  Maybe you can pick up your next evil thing there."

"That might be nice."  He went to change and came back down dressed differently.  Rick stared.  "What?  Not appropriate for the local clubs?"

"Probably very appropriate.  Don't get my daughter any pants that look like that, all right?"

"Of course not.  She and Tara already bought a pair."  They walked out together.  Conventions were always fun.  Xander walked past two working girls arguing with someone else and the guy ran off.  He shrugged at them.  "I wasn't even being threatening, sorry, ladies."  He hurried on.  Rick was snickering but that was usual.

***

Paula walked into the police station the next morning.  "One of my authors is waiting here for me to beat his ass for dating?" she asked the desk sergeant.

"Drunk tank, ma'am?"

"He said a Detective Hagen had to save him?"

"I can have him paged, ma'am."  He did that.   Soon a tough guy looking detective came out scowling.  "Her, sir."

She looked at him.  "What did Xander date this time?"

"Apparently someone he hated.  He actually started the fight."

"That usually means they were dangerous to him."  Hagen blinked and she wrote down a number.  "The one that arrests most of his other dates.  For some reason only the most evil or dark are drawn to him."

He led her back to his desk to call that detective.  He walked off talking quietly to her.  Apparently she thought the same thing.  He came back, then walked her to look at the young guy.  "So, her being a drug dealer....."

"Her trying to drug me was why I beat her ass," Xander said dryly.  "I told the responding cop that.  He snorted and said I was a whiny gay man for some reason."

"I'll kick his ass myself.  She wants to press charges."

"And I have a really good self defense case.  Especially since that same officer took the needle out of the fold of my shirt."

Hagen went to check on that, finding it logged in as was proper.  He took it to the lab.  "Figure out what this is for me.  Some guy has to beat the woman sticking him with it."  He walked off.  "We'll have the lab run it."

Xander nodded.  "I'm supposed to sign things in a few hours so I have time if they can get it done in that amount of time.  What did the DA say?"

"Good for you.  If she presses charges, we can ask her what she does for a living and arrest her."

Xander smirked.  "I can do one better.  I can ask the snitch on her crew to talk to you."  Paula glared.  "He's got one of Graham's commandos in there for some reason."

"Name?" Hagen asked.  Xander wrote down the description.  He went to have that guy found.  They'd have to see why he was involved.

Xander looked at Paula, shrugging some.  "I was happy on the floor, wasn't trying to attract anyone, and she started to dance with me.  She tried to stab me with a needle so I rearranged her badly done plastic surgery button nose."

"I agree, you should protect yourself."

Xander shrugged.  "What did you want me to do?"

"This."  She smiled.  "With your history they'll have to ask her what she does."

Hagen came back, looking at him.  "How do you draw them?"

"If I knew I'd break it so I could date someone nice.  Because I'm kinda tired of the skanky ho society that's really not that great in bed.  Why can't I get a slightly evil girl who's good in bed?"

"I don't know," Hagen said.  "She's dropped the charges."  Xander grinned at him.  "So you're free to go.  How long are you in town for?"

"Monday.  I leave at eleven."

"Thanks, kid."  Xander shook his hand and got up, helping Paula up and escorting her out.  He shook his head, going to see if that chemistry report was finished yet.  It was first thing in the morning and the desks had looked clear.  It was handed over as it came out of the machine.  "He has good instincts."  He went to finish arresting her.  Having that much heroin was still illegal.

***

All across Miami, demons were hearing that the 'one who was made to tell' was in town.  Most of them weren't scared of him, they were in awe of him still being alive and so strong as to stand up to the Highers or the Slayer.  None of them would've survived and they had all bet that the human wouldn't either.  They found out where he was staying and went to check on the convention.  It figured he was still writing.  The newest one was being talked about and the demons hiding there listened in.

That demon went to report to the highers in the city.  "The Seer is releasing things in fiction so no one will cause problems for him," he reported.  "The newest book in the hunters series is said to be about seers and magic, it includes a very dark prophecy."

The head demon of Miami considered it.  "When is it coming out?"

"Six months."

"That may be too long.  Is there a chance we can get an advanced copy?"

"That one is a Knight.  He would not put out things that were too late to help," the lower demon said.

The higher one nodded.  "Still I would like to see this prophecy.  See if anyone there has a copy you can look over and recite that part at the least.  The story may hold more keys but the prophecy is important to hear now."

The demon nodded.  "As you wish, sire."  He left, going back to the hotel.  He followed the female with the boy.  She wasn't dating him, she was acting parental so she had to work with him somehow.  Clearly not a hunter in her outfit and shoes, but perhaps she had something to do with his books?   He watched her go into her room and then come back out, sneaking in there.  He found the copy of the novel and copied it quickly onto the hotel stationery that was conveniently placed in each room.  He took that copy with him after putting the original back.  He hurried back to his overlord, handing it to him.  "Straight from the proof copy."

He read it and went pale. "That is a bad thing."  He looked up.  "Call the council together."  The pages went to do that for him.  He smiled at the lower demon.  "That was good work.  How thick was the new book?"

"About as thick as his last in DCIS."

"So not overly descriptive but now and then he doesn't write battles out fully."  He nodded.  "We will see if we can get someone in the publisher's office."

"The woman who had the copies is at the convention this weekend.  She was treating him like a mother would.  It is said she even went to talk to the police after he had to beat one of those sort that like him last night."

"Excellent.  The boy could use it.  Do you know which publisher?"

"It's easy enough to find out from the prior books.  Most of them are in New York."

"Hmm.  New York is always full of snotty higher ups who decide they speak for everyone and don't.  The same as LA is.  Do we have some of ours up there?"  The lower one nodded.  "Let me contact them then.  Thank you for your service."  He bowed and left.  The counselors came in a few minutes later.  "The White Knight Seer has put out a new prophecy in the form of an upcoming book."

"That would get him around the restrictions some of the community have given him for being forced to expose us," one said.  "Is it bad?"  He handed it over and the whole council shuddered.  "What are we doing?"

"That's why I called you.  If possible I want one of ours in the publishing office."

"There's already a few demons in there, but I think they're from New York."

"See if we can get even a janitor into there.  The ones in New York and LA are unreasonable in their punishment.  He was made to tell.  It was not his fault that the higher ups pushed him that way.  I would have fought back too."  He considered things.  "The book is due out in six months."

"With that prophecy, will it be too late?"

"The date code speaks of decades of change," one said.  "We are in one, we must see if it's this century or not."

"We can ask him.  He would answer for us if we asked," one said.  "He might give us funny looks for deeming to talk to him but he would tell us."

"Go.  Someone ask him."  They nodded and sent one of the harmless looking, more human looking, ones to talk to the human.  This could be very bad.

***

Xander looked up from signing, smiling at the clear demon in front of him.  "Hi.  What name should I sign it to?"

"Vigo."

"Like in Ghostbusters?" he asked with a teasing grin.

"Yes, my mother thought him exciting."  He leaned down.  "Seer, is that one soon?" he asked quietly.

"Few years."

"Are there others?"

Xander smirked.  "Someone always has a plan."  He handed it over with a wink.  "There's others recorded the same way."

"Thank you.  Many of us outside the stuck up ones do not blame you."  He walked off clutching his book to his chest.  He had wanted it anyway.

Xander smiled at the next one in line.  "Who should I make it out to?"

"Mrs. Harris?" she asked shyly.

"Nah, none of those yet.  Unfortunately none of the women I've dated so far have been worthy of that."  She giggled and he signed it for her, making her squeal and hug him, then take a picture of their heads together before bouncing off.  Xander grinned at the next one and her dagger.  "That's pretty.  Where did you find that?"

"Downtown at one of the goth shops.  Is this like the one in the one DCIS story with the altar?"

He took it to look like.  "Close.  I always pictured it with silver carvings down the blade and the end stone is smaller."  He handed it back carefully.  "Very pretty."  She grinned at him.  He signed her book and handed it over with a grin.  She bounced off.  Hotel security asked her to put it in a sheathe but that was usual.  He went back to signing things for people.  It was nice the other communities didn't hate him as hard as his.

***

The demon walked into the Council chambers, bowing to them.  "He said it won't happen for a few years."  They all smiled at that.  "When I asked if there were more in that series, he said someone always has a plan."

"Then we will get someone hired on in their company or find a way to hear about such things first."

"We cannot release what we know of the book.  It would get us sued," the lesser demon said.

"True, but we can release news of the prophecies."  That got a group nod.  "Which one is that?"

The lesser one smiled.  "The newest in the hunter series."  He let him see it.  "He was very sweet."

"He seemed it."  He handed it back.  "I'd like to read it after you're done."

"Yes, sir."  He bounced off to go read.  He had to turn it over soon to the Overlord, but hopefully he'd get it back to put with his favorite things.

"Ah, the young, always so bouncy," one of the counselors sighed, shaking his head.  The overlord smiled at him for it.  "My own eggs do the same."  He walked off shaking his head.

***

Xander stopped Paula that night.  "One of the local demons got a forward copy of the prophecy in the new one," he said in her ear.

"I thought someone had moved it and used the scratch pad."

"Apparently so.   They shouldn't leak it."

"That's good," she said with a grin.  "Why are you worried?"

"They made sure it wasn't something happening soon."

"Even better."  She walked off happier.  She'd let small hints escape to generate more interest in the new part.  That would work on their behalf this time.

***

In Montana, Sam got an email from an underground demon contact in LA.  "Huh.  We need to get Xander's newest in the hunting series because he's now putting out some prophecies in them."

Dean looked over at him.  "You're joking," he said flatly.

"Nope."

"Why?"

"That way he can tell without having to deal with any of us," John said.  He looked at his boys.  "Bad?"

"Yeah but he told one who asked it wasn't soon."

"That's even better.  When is it coming out?" Dean asked.

"Six months.  Did any of the others have one?" he asked his brother.

"You ask like I read them all," he said dryly.  "You're the bigger book nerd, Sammy."

John called Ellen.  "That hunter Bobby went after that got him put in jail... yes, him.  He's still a seer, Ellen.  No, he's decided to write them into the hunter series.   Have there been others put out that way?"  He listened to her ask Ash, who had read them all.  He made a note.  "Thanks.  Sammy, where is he this weekend?"

"Miami and he won't talk to us."

"Not even you two?"

"I don't know about us," Dean admitted.  "We weren't on Bobby's side and since Bobby pulled his shit, it got Sammy tortured.  He's sorry about that but he didn't have a choice."

"No, he didn't.  I admire the kid's strength for that."  Ellen said something.  "Ellen, if they had went after you that way, and you had fought back, I'd say the same damn thing."  He hung up.  "Fucking idiot," he muttered.  Dean and Sam both snickered.  "Her and Bobby."

"When is he getting out?" Dean asked.

"Six more weeks we think."  He shrugged.  "We'll see.  They never did raid his house."

"I heard Ellen sent people to lock up the weapons and books."

"Even better."  Someone knocked on the door and John got up to answer it.  "Yes, Officer?" he asked.

"Sir, I remember seeing you at that invasion," the officer said bluntly.  John nodded.  "Are you here about the furry thing that ate a few people in the next town?  Because I think we know where it is if you are."

"We aren't.  We're here about the poltergiest at the funeral home, but we can take care of it for you," John assured him.  He grabbed his weapons and so did the boys.  They followed the officer to the lair, him and Dean spreading out to figure out what it was.  Dean texted it back to Sam, who needed to use the internet on the hunter's sites.

Sam found it and went jogging out.  "It's supposed to be harmless unless it's in heat."

John nodded.  "How do we kill it?"

"Silver."  John loaded his shotgun, sending Dean the same message.  They moved in and killed it, plus the two young.  Then all hell broke loose.  Sam looked around, staring.  "It's not an elemental spirit."

"No, it's not," a voice called.  "But it is a protected species."

"Then it shouldn't have eaten people," Dean called.  "If it attacks humans we have to deal with it."

The spirits in the forest came out to stare at them.  "Hunters are not good to our kind," one sneered.

John stepped forward, in front of his sons.  "Leave my boys alone.  The thing was hunting humans.  It had to be taken out for that."

"What is the life of a few measly humans when their line is ancient and protected by all spirits?" the speaker asked.  "They have been here longer than you have and you have no right to end that."

Sam walked around them.  "We were asked to handle it because it ate humans."

"Sammy, no," John ordered.

"Shut up, Dad."  He stared at them.  "We did not come for it specifically.  We were asked to handle it because of the deaths."

The speaker stared at him.  "Seer, did you see problems?"

Tara appeared in a flash of light, then sighed and resurrected the two young ones, hading them over.  "Take them and protect them somewhere humans aren't."

"They are hunters, Earth Mother."

"I know that.  They stuck up for Xander when everyone else attacked him.  We owe them for that."

"None can nourish them like their mother."

She looked then at them.  "That's the father.  Find the mother and take them to safety.  It is not safe here.  You know not to come around humans.  They overreact and freak out."

The spirit stared at her, nodding.  "That is true."

"We only came because we were asked to," John told him.

The forest spirits nodded and found the mother hiding, taking her and the cubs with them.

Tara pushed back her hair, smiling at Sam.  "Are you all right?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Cordelia said you probably got the same horrible vision she did earlier."

"No, I haven't yet today."  She moved closer.  "How bad?"

"Very.  I'm so sorry."  She brushed a hand over his hair.  "That'll protect you some, let you sleep afterwards, Sam.  Because no one, not even Xander, should see those."  He nodded, smiling at her.

"These new prophecies, any soon?" Dean asked her.

"They're coming out in the order they should happen.  The first book has the older one he had."

"That's good to know," John agreed.  "I talked to Cordelia, she said something about sea otters?"

"She was messed up on migraine medicine," Tara said with a small shrug.  "It made it more symbolic.  Willow translated it from Sunnydale to normal english."  She smiled.  "It's really bad."

"Apocalypse bad?"

"Yes.  The Council is going to start off something really horrible if they're not stopped."  Sam groaned and held his head.  She helped him sit down, soothing him as best she could.  "Dean, he'll want to puke," she said quietly.  He got her a bottle of water.  Sam did puke, hitting John's boots, but they were used to the heavy reactions from the tougher visions.  She helped him fall asleep.

"That bad?" John asked.

"They're going to call forth the God of the Seal from what Cordelia said.  All the slayer line is going to be killed.  The Council will be destroyed.  The First will walk the earth because it takes seven slayers to stop her."

"Did Xander have it yet?" Dean asked.

She nodded.  "In the interest of fairness he did have me fax it to Cordelia.  Who had her own in response.  Wes is really worried.  Angel is saying it can't happen, it takes a resurrection gone bad, all that."

John nodded.  "So we'll see?"

"No, we hopefully won't see.  If we see it's gone too far. The slayers will have to fight and it will take seven active slayers to defeat her."  John shuddered.  "We'll have to activate more than the two we have."

"Not if we can stop it?" John asked.

"I don't know how to stop it."

"Stop the assholes calling her up," Sam moaned, holding his head.  Tara helped him sip the water, earning a smile.  "Thank you, Tara.  We need to speak to Giles and Wesley.  They're calling her, not the resurrection."

"Go to LA.  They're both there.  Xander's in Miami this weekend."  He nodded and she disappeared.

Dean helped Sam up, handing him the half-empty bottle.  "Bad?"

"Depends, do you like seeing everyone dead?"

"Bad," Dean decided, nodding some.  "C'mon, we can hit LA."

They walked back to the vehicles and headed to LA while John dealt with the poltergeist.  Something had to be done to stop the Council.

***

"Jesus fucking Christ in a Hyundai," Xander muttered as he walked up the street.  "Idiot fucking watchers."  He found the door he needed, pounding on it until a young girl answered.  "Good, you're still alive.  Where's your watcher?"

"Who're you?"

He stared at her.  "A hunter.  Where's your watcher?  Some of his brethren are doing something really fucking dumb."  She ran off to the study.  He followed.

"Oh, shit, Harris!" he yelped, getting away from him.

Xander stared at him.  "Seven members of the Council are going to call on the First Evil tonight," he said bluntly.  "I've had the vision, Sam's had it now, Cordelia's had it now.  Wes and Giles apparently still have their heads up their asses and someone needs to stop them.  With force if necessary."

The man nodded slowly.  "Why come to me?"

"I thought the rest of the Council might like to stop their people before they're fucking blown to bits by a minion of the First.  Who will be killing all the potentials they can along the way."  Xander stared at him until he got the point.

"Yes, I can tell others.  Who?"  Xander handed over the tape of the vision.  Paula had found him and questioned him about what he was seeing.  "Thank you, Harris."

"Not like I care but I'd like Faith to live."  He looked at the young girl.  "When it's your turn, remember that friends helping is what made Buffy last so damn long.  Otherwise she would've died with the Master.  I'm the one that saved her."  She nodded at that.  He looked at the watcher again.  "Fix it before it's too late.  Which is by midnight."

"I'll do what I can."  Xander nodded and left.  He sat down to run the tape, groaning at what he heard.  He rewound it as he called someone.  "Norma, get me Osbourne.  We have a bad situation.  I just had Harris force his way in here with a vision that says some of us are evil.  The other two had it as well."  She got the person he needed and he let him hear the tape.  "He said it'll happen tonight.  By midnight."

He listened.  "No, he said he wanted Faith to live on, advised my girl to get helpers to live longer, and then left when I said I'd pass it on.  No, he was clear.  We'd all die when they blew up the Council.  The potentials will be dying as well."  She shuddered and sat down beside him, listening to him.  "Go warm up and we'll spar.  Nothing will touch you here," he told her.  She nodded and went to do that for him.  "Please.  Someone must."  He hung up and went to make sure she could defend herself.

***

Xander walked into the demon bar later that night.  "Is Travers dead yet?" he asked. Everyone stared at him.  "If he isn't dead by just before midnight, he and his buddies have called up the First Evil.  They're starting about eleven or so on the final step of the rite."

One of them nodded.  "Have you told them?"

"I told the local one.  I'm sure he told others.  I'm guessing they have inertia going on."  That got a few nods.  "So someone has to solve it and I'm not conveniently in England."

"We know ones who do not want her back, it will stop their own plans," one said.  "We will tell them, Harris."

"Thank you.  Cordelia and Sam have both had it as well."

"Will you tell us of future ones?"

Xander smirked.  "My publisher loves the new series in the hunter universe."  They all smirked at him.  "You have a few years on that one."  They all laughed.  "Thank you."  He left, going back to the hotel with a stop for a soft pretzel.  He was worried but they'd handle it if he had to.  Even if he did have to work with the spoiled bitch patrol in LA.

The demons got busy calling all their contacts.  No one wanted the First Evil out.  It would mean more slayers being called sooner.  They could get around Buffy and Faith.  The next ones might be like all the other hunters.

***

In England, a demon popped into the room where the seven were meeting, shooting them all with poison darts.  Travers gasped, staring at him.  "Do not summon that which will kill all of you and us.  Even the highest of Hell do not like this plan your demented and diseased minds have created."  He destroyed the summoning circle then disappeared.  Other watchers were running in to stop them.  They would find them dead.  The demon reported his work to his boss, who was pleased and gave him a human slave toy to play with for a while.

***

Giles hung up with his contact back in England.  "A demon stopped them," he told the people watching.  "As the team was busting in to get them, the demon took them out with poisoned spikes."

"How did the demons know?" Buffy asked.  "This was inner council stuff, right?"

"I had a vision, Sam had a vision, Xander had a vision," Cordelia said bluntly.  "I freaked out and told our local demon council to get their help.  Sam was probably in the open when he had his.  He had his last.  Xander was in Miami when he had his.  Their council probably has someone in the hotel watching to see what's going to happen."

Buffy snorted.  "Xander's out of the life."

"Something like this, boytoy would tell," Faith said simply.  "Like he did the invasion."

Cordelia smirked.  "Better, he's adding a new line to the hunter series that includes some prophecies."  Faith cackled, nodding some.  "That way anyone who wants to can read it and figure out how to help."

"That's exposing more people," Buffy complained.

"Shut up," Cordelia ordered, shocking her.  "I'm tired of the whiny bitch sentiments and the spoiled bitch moments.  How your mother hasn't beaten you recently I don't know but I can correct it if I have to."  Buffy stomped off.  She looked at Faith.  "Yeah, Xander told the ones in Miami, and the watcher, according to the phone call I got earlier."

"Decent of him," Faith said.  She smirked.  "I'm going to go back to Boston."

"Go to New York.  They only have Xander and Tara, both mostly retired," Wesley said quietly.  "The community is mostly peaceful but Xander has had to handle some things hurting the younger demons.  Even after they shunned him they demanded he handle it."

She nodded.  "I can do that.  Can we arrange things so I don't have to bum a couch?"

"Definitely," Wesley assured her with a smirk.  "I'll talk with the new regional person to make sure of it."  She grinned.  He called him and walked off talking to make plans.  That one respected Tara for her power and Xander for his strength.  He would respect Faith because Giles had helped his training.

Faith looked at Cordelia, then at Angel.  "Let me know if it's a huge thing."  She went to pack.  Buffy had upped her wardrobe a lot.  Which made Faith roll her eyes.  B needed to find other pleasures than shopping.  She hoped one of Xander's ex's decided to take her in hand and pussy sometime soon.

Cordelia watched the twinkle around Angel.  "Did you just lose your soul?"

"No.  Why?"

"You twinkled.  Are you one of those vampires in that story?"

He walked off shaking his head.  "I don't sparkle."

"Thank God," Spike called from where he was sitting.  "I'd hate to have to stake you in case it was contagious."

Cordelia snickered.  "Me too.  I might have to find a real job."  Spike and she shared a smirk.  They had come to a peace agreement easily enough.  Angel was groaning about it but that was King Brood for you.

***

Tara looked up a few days later at a gasp from the library patrons.  "Faith," she said quietly, staring at her.  She didn't have the best history with Faith but maybe she was rehabed now?

Faith smirked.  "I'm posted here."

Tara grinned.  "Thank you for saving Xander."

"Not a big."  She leaned on the counter.  "So, can we have a confab?"

"Xander's at home."

"There's major idiots with cameras there."

"Oh, them again," she said with a grimace.  "I'm about to move in with my girlfriend to get away from them."  Faith nodded she understood that.  "But then Xander would starve."

"The kitties would keep him," Paula said as she walked up to them.  "Friend of the boy's?"

She smirked.  "Faith Lehane."  She held out a hand.

"Paula, his publisher."  She shook it.  "Tara, I don't know what's going on but his computer sent me gobbledygook."

Tara frowned.  "How did he get a translation program for that?"

Faith laughed.  "They say Apple has an app for everything."

"Maybe."

"I think it's more his new computer is screwing up, dear."

"I'll let him know."

"Call him sooner?  He only answers your calls these days."

"Oh!"  She nodded, dialing it and handing it over.  "There, he should answer."

Paula put it next to her ear.  "Hello, cat.  Get the human please?"

Tara took the phone.  "Get daddy."  She handed it back.

Paula stared at her.  "You trained the cat to drag the phone to him?"

"No, I trained the cat to pounce him at that command."  She smiled.  "That way I can wake him up when he's sleeping naked."

"I suppose that's handy," she decided, walking off talking to Xander about his computer issues.   They really had to fix that for him.  Even if she had to hire him an IT tech for a few hours.   She offered that and he begged so she promised to find him one.  She hung up and walked back, handing Tara back her phone.  She looked at the lounging brunette.  "Are you going to create more work for him or more stress for him?"

"Only in case of emergencies?" she shot back.

"Good!  Xander needs time to recuperate."  She walked off.

Faith looked at Tara and pointed.  "His publisher."

"Okay, well, I'm told I have a hole in the wall here," she said, sliding over the address.  "I have no idea where it is."

Tara looked then got a copy of the subway map for her.  She also got her a library card application, earning a smirk.  "That way you can research in our wonderful restricted section."

Faith snickered.  "We do?"

"Oh, yes, we do."  Faith nodded, filling that out and handing it back.  Tara pointed so she knew where she needed to be.  She also got her a tourist's guide to check out.  That way she could learn the area a bit easier.  Tara earned a smirk and a wink.  Faith took the stuff back to her new place.  Tara texted the address to Xander so he'd know too.  Maybe he could quit being so frustrated and go visit to help her set up her weapons.

***

Faith opened her door that night, finding a demented, smiling delivery guy.  "What?  I needed fed?"

"The muses are driving me nuts."  Xander walked in around her.  "Because all my computers are presently down and I can't write so they're humming disney songs."  He handed the food.  Then he pulled out something and enlarged it.  "Where do you want your weapons cabinet?"

She pointed.  "There's good.  The rest are hanging up."

Xander nodded, putting it there and helping her load things in.

She sniffed the bag.  "Chinese?"

"Thai.  Very good, not real spicy but filling."

She smirked.  "Thanks, X."

"Welcome."  He grinned.  "So, maps."  He pulled those out of his pocket, laying them on her counter.  It was an efficiency apartment so it had little of everything.  "Your new territory."

"Is that the patrol map for here?"

"Yeah, the one Tara and I worked out.  I copied ours onto here."  He looked at her.  "I'm still shunned."

"I heard and it sucked what they did."  He grinned and calmed down some.  "I'm not B."

"Thankfully or I'd let you die."  She gaped.  He nodded.  "She helped.  She wanted me to just give up and give in."

"Bitch," she said bluntly.

"Yup, she was.  Oh, your walls are going to be thin here."

"I noticed."  They shared a smirk.  "Boston's about the same, only more Irish."

"Cool."  He let her see it.  "Purple are the poker circuit games the last I knew.  This purple dot and this one, ringed by red, are actually supply stores where they hold games in the back."  He looked at her.  "The red dots are Wicca, demon, and other supply places."

"I see T's library marked."

"They actually have a donated occult section.  We call it the restricted section."  He grinned.  She smirked back.  "Plus Tara's a great resource.  Most of them still like her."

"That's cool."  She looked over things.  "This?"

"Living areas are in blue and major points are circled in black.  The local demon schools, the major worship temples, the three places we're not allowed no matter what."  He pointed them out.  She nodded.  "Now, this is just Manhattan.  The city has five boroughs."  She groaned.  "Fortunately all available by subway and bridges."

He smirked and pulled out the other maps for her.  She hung up that first one then came back.  "I've also got maps for the surrounding areas where we like to hang out in.  Commuter distance and Vegas's east coast poorer brother, Atlantic City."  He pulled them out.  "In case you ever need them."

"Thanks, X."  She went over them with him.  He knew the local areas well enough to show her where the bad parts of town were.  It'd help her a lot once she got oriented.  She couldn't exactly carry around a map.  But she could walk the areas in the daylight.  She had learned a lot watching the earlier Scooby Gang.  She could be the slayer for New York.  He handed over a few photocopied business cards.  "Who?"

"These two know and deal with New York's self defense armory."  He smiled as he tapped them.  "They made me turn over some of mine to them and then they got stolen for the invasion."

"Cool.  Plus I'll probably run into one of them on the job since that's homicide and the lab."  Xander nodded.  "Okay.  The other three?"

"Beckett and her minions.  They tend to arrest whoever I'm dating for me."  He grinned.  "She's in major crimes.  She's cool but tough, but more girly than you are.  The guys are hellishly cool.  One even distracted me after the trial by making me drink but kept me from drinking myself to death."

"Good people to know then.  Thanks."

He kissed her on the cheek.  "You can call me if you need me.  No matter what.  Even if I'm writing.  If I am, you might have to call back."

She gave him a light shove and a smirk.  "I heard."

"I'm doing great at it."  She nodded she knew that.  "Cool.  Let me head back to the whining muses who want my computer to work."   He left, leaving her to go over things.

She grabbed her jacket and headed out to find the detectives.  She needed to scope out their buildings anyway.  She ran into one at his desk looking frustrated.  She sat down next to him.  He stared at her.  "Hey."

"Hi.  Here to report a crime?"

"X sent me to talk to you."

"X...."

"Xander."

"Okay.  Why?"

She smirked.  "I'm posted here now."

"You're not Buffy."

"No, I'm Faith."  She smirked harder.  "The other one."

"That's cool."  He found something on his desk, handing it to her.  "I think that was yours."

She looked and nodded.  "Yup but they're usually peaceful.  Poker thing?"

"We think so.  Can't get in at any of the games."

"He took Beckett to one but he's shunned at the moment.  Though they still want him to do things from what I've heard."

"I can get her to bring me."

Faith smiled writing down a number.  "It's prepaid."  She slid it over.

"I'll be easy on it.  Should I worry about you hoarding artillery too?"

"No, that's a disease specific to X."  She stood up.  "Let me know?"

"Definitely.  I'll also tell the others in the know that you're here."

"Thanks, Flackie."  She winked and strolled off.

One of the other detectives watched her walk then looked at Flack.  "Relative?"

"Nah, a friend of a contact so I know she's here and I can go to her."  He called someone.  "Beckett, Flack.  I need to talk to a poker circuit person and I'm told you know where they are?"  He grinned.  "Please."  He hung up and took the number with him.  On the way he put it into his phone during the red lights.  She looked up as he walked up to her desk.  "A young brunette girl named Faith came to see me."

She stared.  "The other slayer."

"Yup.  She's stationed here."  He handed over her number.  "She said it's prepaid."

"I can respect that.  Why do we need the poker circuit?"  He handed over the file, sitting down.  "Ah, one of them.  Xander said they're usually peaceful."

"So did she."

She nodded.  "They look human enough too."  She gathered things.  "Guys, going to the poker hall to talk to someone for him."

"Sure," they agreed, gathering things.

Flack smiled.  "I can back her up, guys.  I know you guys probably have cases too."  They nodded.  "It's cool.  Don't stress."  He grinned as he walked her off.  "They're very protective."

"They are.  That's why Xander calls them minions."

He laughed and nodded.  "I'm sure he introduced your number to her too."

"He said he would earlier when he left me a voicemail.  I only got that he was giving my number to a friend, he was on the subway."  They got on the elevator.  "Your car or mine?"

"I drove so mine?" he offered.

"Fine.  As long as you don't drive like a maniac."

"Well I am native but not that bad," he teased with a grin.  She smirked back.  They walked out talking about the case.

"Gee, first the pretty robbery detective and now the prettyboy of Homicide," the desk sergeant muttered.  "What next, showboys?"

They got there and found Faith waiting.  Flack smiled.  "Detective Beckett, this is Faith."

She shook her hand.  "You're not like Buffy, right?"

"Hell no."

"You don't hoard artillery like Xander?"

"No, that's a boytoy specific issue like his dating is."

"Good.  I would've arrested her within days and I'm about to paddle him because I heard he had more."

"I doubt you heard about all of it up front," Faith quipped.

"Maybe."  They walked in together.  Everyone stared and one whimpered 'slayer'.

Faith looked at him.  "What?  You owe X kittens?" she asked dryly.

"Did he send you to collect?" one asked with a slick smile.

"No.  I'm stationed here to handle the stuff that X would've until you guys got pissy over the hunters attacking him."  A few groaned.  "Since that hunter was possessed by one of the highest....  I'm not as nice."

"Are you still evil?" one asked.

"No.  My ass got straightened out."  They all smiled and relaxed some.  "Now, the hotty detective needs to ask a few people some things.  Because someone came to human notice."  She led Beckett to a table and sat down to play a hand.  The dealer gave her a nervous look so she put a knife on the table for ante.

"It's good they didn't send Buffy," the dealer said.  "Was the First Evil calling stopped?"

"Yeah.  Demon got them just before their team did."

"Thank God.  A world full of slayers would have driven us nuts."

"Me too," Faith quipped.  "I'd be the mommy."  They all laughed but it was good to have a slayer in to take over for Xander.  Especially this one since she saw the difference between the light and the dark.  Faith heard the small bet starting and looked over.  "Ask, don't speculate."

"Ask what?" Beckett asked.

"That table over there was starting a betting pool on you dating the hotty one."

Beckett glared at them.  "He's a colleague."

"Like your minions?"

"Something like that only he works in a different precinct.  We're not dating."

"She's pretty enough for me but I heard she's taken," Flack quipped from his seat questioning someone.

"See," Faith demanded.  They muttered and changed it to when they'd go out together.  Faith shook her head.  Beckett smirked.  "Don't ask."

"I figured it out already."  She tossed down her cards.  "I'm out."

Faith smirked and won her knife back plus some cash.  "Thanks, guys.  Xander got me Thai food for dinner, I needed breakfast money."

Someone older walked in and over to her.  "Slayer Faith, we have problems we cannot solve.  Will you?" she asked.

"If I can and it's the right thing to do."  The old woman smiled and handed over the papers she was carrying.  Faith looked through them.  "So, two human hunters who're after something and keep hitting the peaceful ones and it looks like another one attempting that same ritual thing that nearly got X that one time."

"He's not demonic," she said.

"No, Xander's known to suck in spirits," Faith said.  She looked at her.  "Twice that I know of.  Could've been more."

"Oh, dear, no wonder the higher ones like him.   If he took no harm he would be the perfect vessel."

She nodded.  "He only kept memories.  Helped us shitloads when we needed him to get something huge for the Judge.  Plus the battles."

She nodded.  "It was wrong what they did but he did expose us."

Faith shrugged.  "Plenty already knew thanks to the Initiative and the shutdown of Sunnydale."

"That is true.  We had forgotten about that.  We will talk among the elders."

"Thanks.  Sometimes I need backup."

"Agreed."  She went to tell the other elders that.  They hadn't known that he was a vessel.  That put a whole new spin on why he was so tough, it was to protect himself.

Beckett smiled.  "Thank you," she said quietly.  "Anything we can help with?"

"The two hunters."  She let her have them.  "Though you'll need me to push my status around."  That got a nod and they left with Flack.  Faith had plenty of grocery money now.  The new head of the Council had agreed with her posting to New York and had set things up for her.  She had said she didn't want a watcher and he had decided to let her hang if she wanted to.  He had totally discounted Tara and Xander too.  But that was fine, she didn't like the Council.

Flack smirked at Beckett.  "They still betting on when I ask you out?"

"No, when she pounces you for a date," Faith quipped, winking at him.  "Not that I'd mind but you're too uptight for my type.  I need unwound not wound tighter.  You look like a tease."  She strolled off. " Laters."

"Thank you," Beckett called.  She looked at Flack.  "They bet on some of the strangest things."

"They're bored too probably."  He opened the door and walked around to get in and drive them off.  He put her back at her station then went back to his own.  He could arrest his perp in the morning.  No one was going to warn him.  He was getting human attention so he'd be shunned.

The End.

Chapter 16: The Complications Of Women In Your Life

An interview and then a missing date.  All because Xander hasn't given up women yet.

Xander looked at the reporter.  She was fairly pretty but kinda dumb.  "So, I hear that you're using a penname," she said, looking at him.  "Why?"

"Because of my parents.  I started out writing that way."

"Most writers change their names so they don't have problems."

Xander shrugged.  "I don't have problems with the dual identity.   My publisher knows which name to pay me in.  I answer to either."

"It's said that someone talked to your parents recently, Mr. Harris."

He snickered.  "No, they didn't.  My mother is presently in prison."  She gaped.  "For sending me a bomb that also had cocaine residue on it.  So I'm thinking that they talked to someone else.  Like the last show that did that, I'm sure my publisher and I will have a fine time suing them."  He got comfortable.  "As a matter of fact, since I've seen that one, they decided Alexian was my first name and found one's mother to talk to.  She was horribly confused looking during it.  She didn't know her son was writing."

She cleared her throat.  "Has anyone told her?"

"Oh, yes, I had my publisher call her when it was heard about to reassure her.  She thanked them for letting her know and started to write nasty letters."

"I see.  So that doesn't bother you?"

"It does bother me.  It bothers me a lot.  That's why I sue."  She nodded at that.  He gave her a reassuring smile.  This was on tape so he didn't want to seem scary.  Paula would kick his ass.  "It's all right.  Some reporters don't take the time to research their interviews.  You did a great job, you even had soda for me instead of coffee."  She smiled and relaxed again.

"You're a fairly prolific writer."

"Yes I am.  There's two types of writers.  One has 'muses', which I am, who give them ideas and what's going on.  Like a little person reading the story into your ear.  The other is more 'what would happen if I' sort.  They take something, add a bit of a twist, some spice, and do that.  Unfortunately my muses are very nice to me.  They sometimes let me sleep and eat or play with the cats."

"You have cats?"

"I have four cats.  Well, technically, Tara has three cats and I have one cat but I have four cats since I'm home all day to give in to their begging and things."

"Is that against the local laws where you are?"

"I don't know.  I don't think so.  I think it would kill us to give up one.  I don't think the human society could say much.  They're horribly spoiled."

"That's good to know."  She cleared her throat.  "Are you on the west or east coast?"

"East.  I'm in New York.  I used to live in LA."

"That's good to know.  What do you say to the people who are thinking that one of your books would make a good movie?"

He stared at her.  "I had not heard that rumor."  He paused to consider it, his face scrunching then relaxing again.  "You know, I'm not sure how I feel.  I'm kinda giddy but scared stupid over it too."

She smiled.  "That's probably normal.  Were you an avid reader as a child?  I know most writers are."

"No, actually I struggled with reading a lot when I was younger.  Willow, a friend in school, read to me a lot.  She loved to babble things at me or read assignments so I actually did them."

"A learning disability?"

He shrugged.  "My school wasn't equipped to recognize it if it was one or deal with one."

"So your school system was poor?"

"In more ways than one with our test scores, yes."  He shifted again to cross his feet.  "I really started writing to get things out of my head that I was thinking about.  Later on it became an escape and some stress relief."

"That's interesting.  What do you think about those who think you'll burn out early."

"From what?"

"You put out too much, too many books a year."

Xander shrugged.  "If they dry up, I'll deal and go back to construction work I guess.  The muses are a blessing, even the days I don't get any sleep from all the typing.  I'm not going to be one of those that die early of drugs or alcohol since I don't partake."

"You don't drink at all?"

"Hardly ever."

"Why?"

"For the same reason my family are in jail."

"Oh."  She winced.  "I heard about your uncle."

"And his situation was why my father came out to blackmail me, which got him put in jail, and then my mother sent me a bomb because he went to jail."

"Did your parents drink as well?"

"Yup.  They were well known for it."

"I suppose the writing was a good escape from that."

"I never really wrote to escape them.  I used a pen name so they wouldn't hear and try to take any money I made but by then I was pretty well just invisible unless they wanted money or me to go to the store or fix something for them."  He shrugged casually.  "I had other reasons to need a mental escape."

"I guess that's normal.  I heard you were nearly married?"

"Yes.  We broke up after she cheated on me.  Which I know sounds like a bad country song," he offered with a grin.  "Right afterwards she joined a convent.  She's fully at peace with herself now and happy, which is what I wished for her."

She nodded.  "That's good.  Carmelite or some other order?"

"No, I think they're a different order.  I don't understand all the different orders."

"Not Catholic?"

"No."

"What religion are you?"

He stared at her.  "I don't see how that matters."

"A lot of young writers are Jewish these days."

"I've met a few but no I'm not."

"An atheist perhaps?"

"Not really.  I believe in a higher power.  I have friends in multiple religions, including two Wiccas.  Most often if I have to call out to God about something, half the time it's the Goddess and half the time it's not.  It's not a matter I usually think on."

"And yet you nearly died a few years back during a slight terrorist attack you were near when their bomb accidentally went off."

"I didn't nearly die, Ms. Simmons, I had broken ribs.  I spent a few days in the hospital with a concussion .  I was nowhere near death.  I've been nearer to death than that before," he said dryly.  "But no, I'm not going to suddenly start thinking heavier thoughts just because I'm injured.  That's not who I became with my life.  For that matter, if there's a higher power, I'm sure they'd mostly be happy with what I've done over my life.  I haven't broken any major commandments in any religion."

"Some would contradict that with that invasion," she said.

He nodded.  "They're the same sort that want to make friends with that sort, even though that particular race wanted to eat anyone it came in contact with.  More power to them if they want to walk up to one to pet them.  It'll only make the traffic in New York, LA, Portland, and San Francisco easier to get through."  She gaped.  He stared at her.

"I was there because it was necessary.  Those things were going to kill everyone.  That was the purpose of bringing *them* here.  If it had peaceful intentions, there's hundreds of races of demons that're peaceful.  They could've brought any of them.  The people who planned that action decided to bring ones that would help them take over the world for their own gain."  He shrugged.  "I can't let that go."

"How did you know about it?" she asked.

"Underground rumors."

She blinked.  "What sort of underground do you know, Mr. Harris?"

He smiled.  "A few different ones actually.  Why?  Need an introduction?"  She shook her head quickly.  He grinned.  "You sure?"  She nodded.  "Then let's move on?  I doubt most people want to think about the invasion.  It makes them feel odd and weird."

"I suppose it can," she admitted.  "It definitely adjusted some ways of thinking."  She stared at him.  "You wrote about demons before the invasion."

"Yes I did."

"Why?"

"Because Sunnydale had a high concentration of the peaceful demons.  I played poker with some."

"Oh, I see."  She stared at him, trying to look tough.  "Why was there such a high death rate?"

"Not all of them were peaceful.  Over eighty percent are, but Sunnydale had an unfortunate draw that called to the ones that weren't.  If the old Mayor hadn't been involved with that twenty percent it would've been easier to protect the people in Sunnydale instead of ignoring it."

"Can you prove that?"

"Yes.  I have full tape of when he turned into a bad guy."  He smirked.  "Someone tried to sue me for libel over that until I handed them a copy of the tape.  Then it got dropped very quickly."

"So... you have evidence?"

"So does the FBI after the shutdown."

"Oh.  That's good.  Do you think the FBI is watching over demons?"

"Probably not.  Only if they do something to bring notice to themselves.  Most demon communities live so far undercover that being exposed is a death sentence if the humans don't do it to them.  Thanks to that one expose where they got exposed, I'm now shunned because someone noted them."

"That's interesting."

He smirked.  "It's the laws they live by and I respect that."

"So some of that underground?"

"Some of them heard, yes, and I heard through a few different sources, not just them.   Frankly, they were fleeing the area to make sure they weren't taken out too."

"That's good of them.  Making sure no one would mistake them is probably a good thing," she decided.  She cleared her throat again and he gave her his interested look.  She smiled.  "What next book is coming out?"

"I believe the next is a Hunter novel but I'm not sure.  I'd have to check on that.  I'm not sure how my publisher arranged them for the next six months."

"Why do you put out so many?"

"Actually, the ones coming out now I wrote a few years ago."

"It takes that long?"

"I had a few backlogged when she got me from my last agent.  I'm adding to the backlog now."

"So if sales drop...."

"Then maybe I'll take any that she hasn't put out and do a website or something, I don't know."

"Are you on any of the social media?"

"No.  I have an email address but otherwise I don't really get the point of social media.  If I want to meet people, I go to a club, not sit in front of my computer."

"You don't like the idea of it?"

"I don't like the idea of having millions of people I don't know, who probably don't want to talk to me anyway, reading whatever I'm talking about at that time.  If it was my fans maybe, then I wouldn't care, but that's just really not my thing."

"There's all sorts of games."

"I heard.  I like things like on Iwin.com."

"So you're not web-phobic?"

"No, not in the least.  I love the internet for research and goofing off.  I have no problems with most things online, but that's just not the guy I am.  I'd rather talk face-to-face with people than type at them.  Even the ones overseas; that's why I do book signings over there, so I get to meet them.  And I like to travel."  He grinned and shrugged a bit.  "It's the best of both worlds."

"Are you going to any of the major comic conventions this year?"

"I think I'm going to Comic Con in San Diego but I'm going as a fan.  As far as I know I'm not going for any other reason than to squee at some of my favorite things."  He grinned.  "I'll always be a geek at heart."

"What about writers conventions?"

"I have plans to be at three, including the big one in LA.  That one I try to go to every year.  I even still sit in on the newbie's panel to hear new ideas, ask questions that I hadn't run into before, all that.  It's helped me a lot to become a more confident writer.  I'm not sure if I'm sitting on the young writer's panel again or not this year.  I have for the last few years."

"So you can inspire them?"

"I started at seventeen.  It's different than those guys who start to write the great amercian novel at thirty or forty.  We have different challenges as a teenager and young adult.  We see the world a different way.  We're unused to people wanting to get close to us because of our fame and that can cause us problems, as most of young hollywood points out in your career field.  We get to ask all sorts of questions and get ideas, talk about the stresses of being a teenager and doing something our friends consider oddly weird yet a bit cool if we get something published."

"Did your friends?"

"No.  They didn't really know for the first few.  I kept that to myself."

"Why?"

"Because at that time, they wouldn't have been all that interested in hearing about it."

"Oh.  And now?"

"They joke a lot about fame going to my head sometimes.  At which point I joke back and tell them they wish they were me so they could meet more hot people."  He shrugged.  "It's like that among us."

"Some friends are that way.  Are you liaisoning with the NYPD?  You've been spotted at a precinct quite often."

"No, they've usually just arrested the date of the moment since I draw bad girls.  I think my last one was a jewel thief or something."  He shrugged and grinned.  "She's probably one of the nicer ones.  I heard a few of mine from when I was living in LA have formed a support group."

She gaped.  "Excuse me?"

"While I was living in LA for a year and a half, I dated three, no, five, people who got charged and convicted of felonies and two others that ended up in a lesser sentence due to plea bargain."  She dropped her notes.  He helped her pick them up with a grin.  "Bad girls love me."

She swallowed.  "I can tell.  How do you feel about gays in the field?"

He shrugged.  "I don't care who you screw as long as it's consensual, they're legal, and I don't have to step in to save anyone from something they didn't want; unless I'm invited it's none of my business.  Why would I care who is sleeping with who if they're not friends?  If they are friends then I'd probably hear complaints about their boyfriends or girlfriends.  I seem to be the guy that all of my friends talk to about problems they're having."

She blinked a few times.  "Are you gay?"

"Bi.  Before you can ask, yes there's been some very bad boys as well as bad girls," he said dryly.  "I'm not shy about who I am.  I'm very much a take me as I am person.  You either like me or don't.  I'm all good with that."

"Some people might not buy your books because of that."

He nodded.  "I know that.  Some people aren't buying because of what I write about.  Some people don't buy it because they don't read fantasy.  Everyone picks a book to read on their own criteria.  If they don't like me because I'm bi, that's their issue, not mine.  I don't think it's ever hampered my sales very much."

"What about churches like that one in Kansas getting hold of that information?"

He quirked an eyebrow up.  "You mean those assholes who picket funerals?  They can find a nice sheep since apparently that's all they like, and they've already burned me in effigy after the invasion.  I don't care what that sort think with their minuscule brain cell committee.  Because most of them don't think.  I lump them the same place I lump other wannabe terrorists.   Because that's what they're trying to do but they won't use bombs.

"Hate is hate and it's all wrong.  If that's their God's version of holiness, have fun in whatever section of whatever afterlife you believe in because I'll probably be having more fun in mine.  I'll definitely be having more fun while I'm alive if only because I'm not bitter, hating, or screwed up that way.  Though I do think that CPS should confiscate any of the children that they've been known to bring to their protests.  It can't be good for their moral or mental upbringing."

"You've seen children?"

"Their last one in New York had, I think, ten kids from little ones to teenagers.  Including having the little preschool and about that age kids holding up really vulgar signs.  No kid should have to hear that.  As bad as my parents were, they weren't bigots that way."

She nodded.  "They burned you in effigy?"

"Isn't that what you call it when they make a huge, life-size doll of you, paint it prettily, and burn it at the stake with some of your books?  Though it was nice that they bought so many copies."  He smiled.

She laughed nervously.  "So they don't bother you?"

"No.  Not obviously.  They may send hate mail to the publisher but she weeds that out before I see it.  Anything with threats we automatically turn over to the NYPD.  I answer what I can of the rest and sometimes I take some of the hate mail home to laugh over the bad spellings and grammar in it."

She smiled.  "You enjoy that?"

"Yeah.  A lot of the time it cheers me right up."  He grinned.  "Someone wrote a nice one, which actually used good grammar and spelling, about how one of my hunters had a cheap one-night stand.  I wrote back to her that people did that when they needed to feel someone *there* but couldn't settle down for fear of endangering someone else.  Plenty of people did that in real life."

"Do you?"

"If I'm not seriously dating, and it doesn't look hopeful, then I'm not against it.  I have played in the past."

"How many lovers do you think you've had?"

He shrugged.  "Not like I keep a diary.  Or notch my bedpost.  I at least vaguely remember all of them.  I'd rather have a real relationship but sometimes you can't have that.  Nothing's there and no one wants to date you sometimes.  I'm realistic about that."

"How do you feel about that politician that says masturbation shouldn't be taught?"

Xander snorted.  "I think her reality and mine is vastly different.  Is she going to be able to stop the fully automatic function of dirty dreams?  If not then she's already lost her point.  As a matter of stress relief, I'd rather do that than risk getting someone pregnant.  It is the only totally safe sex you can ever have, and really who knows what you like better?"

"What happens if one of your flings comes up with that problem?" she asked smugly.

He smirked.  "I'm infertile, dear.  That would be a very strange thing since I don't put out useable sperm."  She gaped.  He shrugged.  "It's a fact of life.  I've accepted it.  If someday someone I'm with wants kids and we're stable that way, we'd discuss the various ways we could do that.  Until then it's not a worry I have.  I'm too young to start a family.  I ignore the cats to write; I'd horribly ignore any kid."

"I suppose that makes good sense."  She cleared her throat again.  "Well, thank you for your time," she said with a bright smile.

He leaned forward to shake her hand.  "It's never a problem to give interviews to smart reporters who don't ask dumb things.  The ones that shout at me when I go out for coffee are so much less able to form good questions than you were."  He winked and she blushed and giggled.

"And cut," the director shouted.

Xander looked over.  "We are sending my publisher a copy so she can yell about those two words you'll have to bleep and I'm sorry about that."

"Yes, Mr. Harris.  That's what she requested since we've had so many problems with them getting facts wrong."

"Thank you."  He shook her hand again and took off the microphone.  "Very nice job, thank you for making me relaxed."  He handed over the microphone and got up, going to refill his travel mug with soda before leaving the studio.

The reporter looked at her producer.  "Can we edit it since he threw me so badly?"

"Of course."  He smiled.  "We can make you both look almost brilliant."  She smiled and relaxed.  "He was hard to interview, kid.  Don't worry about it.  Next time we'll get you someone easier."  He took the tape to editing to cut the awkward pauses and other problems.  Though the comments that had the bleeped word, those stayed.  It made him look more militant but that was fine he supposed.

He submitted the final copy for the publisher's approval since it was a favor situation on their behalf to get the new reporter some practice interviewing important people.  Paula sent back that she wanted him to unedit some things and take out one of the questions.  He did that so it was nicer to her author but the reporter still looked better than she was.  She'd learn.  She even offered Rick Castle to help her improve.  He was much easier to interview than Harris.

***

Xander sat down next to Beckett, handing over the bag he carried.  "Because you are so brilliant."

She smirked.  "Laying it on too thick, who gave you what this time for dating them?"  She looked in the bag and moaned, then looked at him.  "Baklava?"

"Yup."  He grinned.  "And yeah, it was date related but I'm not sure if it's stolen."

"Why would it be?"  He held up the plastic baggie he was carrying it in, making her gasp and look at it.  "That may be.  Is it real?"

"As far as I can tell.  How would I know?"

"Who gave it to you?" she asked, looking at him.

He sighed.  "That very nice young lady from the Hamptons Martha introduced me to."  Rick choked, walking off again.  "Sorry."  He looked at her again.  "You can share the treat with your three minions or not.  There's almost a full pound there."

"You know how to spoil a woman."

He grinned.  "Anya taught me."  She snickered, flipping it to look over.  "Anyway, that's one of three things she left on my dresser.  I can't get an answer from her phone so I can't tell her she left them and if they weren't meant to be left she should've been looking, right?"

"I would be if I had lost something this huge.  What're the other two?"  He pulled out the other baggies to hand over.  "Why baggies?"

"I picked them up with the baggies so I couldn't disturb any prints or DNA on it if you needed them."

"Thank you for that."  The captain came out so she held them up.  "His last date left them."

He stared then at Harris.  "Is she alive?"

"I don't know.  I can't get her phone to work."

He nodded.  "So you're checking to see if she's alive?"

"Or if they're stolen."  He shrugged.  "The diamond ring was on her first finger, not her third."

"I can check," she decided.  "Good call to bring this to me but I didn't need the treat for it."

"Yes you do.  They towed your car a few minutes ago."  He got up and left.

She got up to look out the window then went down to chew someone a new one for that.  She came back to find the guys looking in the bag.  "Mine."  They backed off with smiles.  "Find her," she said, handing over the bags.

"I'll have Lanie's people run prints," Detective Ryan said, heading out.  Only the kid got into that sort of trouble.

"I should start a new mystery series on Xander.  It'd take dozens of volumes to decide who killed him."  Rick sipped his coffee.  "Are you going to share your treat?"

She ate a piece and put the bag carefully into her bag to go home.  Then she called someone in auto pool to cuss them out for towing her car.

***

Xander walked into the station later that night, looking at the minions since they were waiting.  "She's dead?"

"Yeah," Esposito said.  "It's worse, she was married."

Xander shook his head, pulling out a picture.  "There were two starlettes that night.  Paps caught us coming out."

He looked.  "The ring was on her first finger.  Huh."  He walked him up there.

"Is that him," a male voice shouted.  He lunged for Xander, who stared at him.  "You killed her!"

"No I didn't."  He took the picture and held it up.  "I didn't know she was taken or I never would've left with her, dude.  Notice the ring?"  The husband snatched it and tried to rip it up but Beckett saved it.  "There were paps there that night."

She looked at it, nodding.  "Which one?"  He pointed so she looked at the back.  "That's handy.  Thank you, Xander."  She pointed.  "Interrogation please so we can figure out what she did after she left your place?"

"She complained about cat fur being on her expensive cashmere jacket," he offered with a small shrug.  "Said she had to get back to that city in Connecticut that half the yuppies live in."

"Interrogation so we can timeline it."  He nodded, going that way.  She looked at the husband.  "I've worked with him before because one of his girlfriends was a homicidal person hitting pedestrians," she said quietly and calmly.  "He would not have touched her if he knew she was taken."  She pointed at the picture.  "She was wearing it like an old fashioned engagement ring."  He stomped off.  "I'm sorry."  She went to help them.  Xander was joking.  "She is dead, let's be a bit serious."

"Are you sure she didn't just leave him?"

"They found the body six hours later.  That wasn't released."

"Okay then I'm sorry."  He shrugged.  "What do you want to know?"

"When did she leave your place?"

"Um... my alarm clock said two-twelve because I had to set the alarm for a ten am meeting.  Then again, my alarm clock is wrong and it's not keeping the right time.  Tara's woke me and I felt like I had about three hours of sleep.  She gets up at six."

"So sometime between two and three," she said.  He nodded.  "Why is it losing time?"

"I don't know.  I've had another one do that.  Probably because it's cheap."

"I've had one do that too," she admitted.  "What did she say?"

"She complained about white cat fur on her gray cashmere sweater and was brushing it off as I walked her to the door.  I kissed her on the cheek, wished her a safe trip, and she left."

"When did you guys leave?"

"The picture's time stamped," Xander said with a point.  She looked and found it.  "We took a cab home.  I had cabbed over.  I don't know if she did or not.  I know she didn't ask to use the phone to call one."

"Which club?"

"Inferno."

She made that note.  "So you two left about midnight, just after."  Xander nodded.  "You went right home, had sex?"

"I had the cab pull through a drive thru pharmacy for condoms because I'm out.  I got some lube in case she liked it a bit kinkier.  I got a soda because I was dry and her a water because she wanted one."  She nodded, making that note.  "That's the drive-thru place on sixtieth."

She smiled.  "I've used that myself."  She made that note and looked at him.  "Good, bad?  Took a lot of breathers?  I ask because they can't be sure how long before death her broken rib happened."

"No problem with her ribs.  She was wiggling and squealing the few hours I had her.  I mostly did oral sex and finished her off the other way.  That's my thing usually.  That's what Anya and Cordelia trained me women like."

"Many do," Detective Ryan agreed.  "Mine do."  Xander grinned at him.  "Two hours?"

"About an hour and a half after we got there."

She nodded, considering it.  "Did you notice if she had a phone on her?"

"No, I didn't see any.  I didn't snoop either.  I figured she had one since most everyone has one and she didn't ask to call a cab."

"Your building doesn't have a doorman, right?"

"No.  Elevator cameras but no doorman.  I told them you might need that night's tape because she had a problem later on.  The manager said it figured with the bad girls I usually date."

"Thanks."  She went to call them to get that tape sent over.  She found the husband glaring at him.  "He didn't know she was married."

"He's a stupid, shallow thing."

"No, he's not actually."  He glared at her.  "Like I said, I've seen him in here before because one of his ex's was hitting pedestrians.  He's a very nice young man.  He doesn't go for those who're already taken.  With the way her ring was, he probably assumed it was just a ring, not an engagement or wedding ring."

"Could he have broken her rib?  It sounded like she was trying to get away.  She never did that with me."

She shook her head.  "No, he's not violent unless he's being attacked."  He slumped.  "We'll find out who did it.  I did have a question.  He mentioned her gray cashmere sweater jacket?  That wasn't what she was dressed in."

He shook his head.  "I don't think she owns one, Detective."  She looked at the picture then held it up.  "I've never seen that outfit before," he sighed.  "And he said something about Connecticut?"

"We'll look into that."  He nodded and left.  She hated it when an affair came out after death.  She walked in there.  "Guys, we have two anomalies.  The husband did not recognize this outfit."

"It wasn't new.  The cashmere had pulls in it," Xander said.  "The skirt was worn, it wasn't new.  Not even dry cleaning can make something you wear a lot look new."

"Okay," she said.  "Anything else you noticed?"

He thought back.  "One of the buttons had a different color thread I think.  It was dark instead of white."

She nodded, making note of that.  "You're sure she said Connecticut?"

"Yeah, that commuter town where all the yuppies live."

"Greenwich?" she guessed.

"She said it was called Fairfield and it was right near Greenwich.  She was babbling about that during brushing some cat fur off."

"All right," she said.  "They live in NJ."  Xander shrugged.  "I know you don't know, Xander."  She went to get crime scene photos to look at.  She brought them back.  "Did she have any of these things with her when she was at your place."

Xander looked and pointed at the purse.  "I think that's the same one.  Same Chanel bag."  He looked.  "Her shoes aren't.  They were blue I think."  She nodded, comparing it to the paparazzi photo.  She pushed over another one.  "No, different outfit.  Same pantyhose color."  He considered it.  "Her hair was down when she left too.  Though that only takes a few minutes if you have a mirror."

"Most women can do it blindfolded and by feel," Esposito told him.

Xander shook his head, pushing it over.  "Too perfect, no stray hairs.  That takes a mirror.  I've watched the girls do it plenty of times."  That got a nod of understanding.  He looked at the other ones and pointed.  "That's the same water I bought her probably."  She made a  note of that.  "I wish I could help more."

"It's a start," she promised.  "Which cab companies hang out in your neighborhood?"

"None because we're near that one idiot gang of stupid kids.  The closest they usually are is about two blocks and around the corner.  That's usually the red and white striped, like how the cruisers are done for the state police in some areas.   Red, white, red."

She nodded.  "We can look them up.  It might help us see who picked her up."  She smiled.  "For obvious reasons the jewelry will go back to the husband."

"That's why I turned it in."  He stared at her.  "He said the ring, not the necklace.  Or the earrings."

"What?"

"The wedding ring is something most husbands worry about," Ryan said.

Xander shook his head.  "Ring was cheaper than the earrings by at least five grand and the necklace is probably insured."

"Lanie's estimate put it at over a hundred thousand for the necklace," Beckett agreed.  "That's a good point.  I never mentioned it."  She looked at the other two.

"In his description he never mentioned it in anything I've seen," Ryan agreed.  "Good tip, kid.  Happy writing."

"You too."  He looked at Beckett.  "Did you get your car back today yet?"  She went to look and swear at someone in person this time.  Xander looked t Esposito, who was moaning and shaking his head.  "I'm betting, since it's a young guy, he wants to ask her out and is scared so he'll blurt it out when she confronts him."

"How do you know?" he asked.

"He was muttering over and over 'will you go out with me' when I walked past him to come in today."  He got up and left.

Esposito texted that to her.  He wasn't getting near her when she was in this mood.  Even Castle had let her go alone.  "Which companies do high end jewelry insurance?" he asked Castle.

"There's about ten.  How big?  Like crown jewels?" Rick asked.

"Like the stuff Xander found," Ryan asked.

"That narrows it down to probably six or a specialty rider on the policy.  Aren't they marked?  The really expensive pieces would have records for a few years in case the husband or whoever wanted to add to the set."

Ryan looked at the notes.  "Harry Winston."

"A girl's favorite destination," Castle quipped.  Xander came jogging back inside.  "Are we being invaded?" he asked when Xander gulped air.

"No, I ran into someone with a knife and a sign saying God hated me."

"You specifically?"

"Yeah.  Heading for the bakery for some reason.  The desk guy gave me a funny look too."

"We can go check," Ryan decided, grabbing cuffs.  "The city is full of fruitcakes."  Xander showed them who it was.  Sure enough she had a sign saying God hated Alexian Harris and he had to die.  She was using a huge knife to cut into her sandwich at the deli next to the bakery.  They walked in and arrested her for brandishing a weapon.  Xander had wisely disappeared.

Rick looked at her.  "What's your problem with him?"

"He's evil!" she shouted.  "He's evil and he has to die before more demons come!  They're coming for him!"

Rick stared at her.  "He lived peacefully in a town full of them for years.  Why would it matter now?  The ones here in New York don't seem to care."

She struggled.  "They came to get him!  He's evil and drawing them!"

"Calm down before you hurt yourself," Esposito ordered.  "Fruitcake."  They walked her back into the station.

"Did the kid try to date this one?" the desk sergeant joked.

"No, apparently he's evil and all the demons are going to be drawn here to kill him," Rick said dryly.  The older officer cackled at that.  It was hilarious.  Only Xander.

***

Xander came in the next day, looking at the disgusted husband.  "I still didn't know she was married."

"Why are you here, Xander?" Beckett asked.  He held up a baggie.  "Fell behind the dresser?"

"I don't know.  I found one of the kittens playing with it this morning."  He handed over the chain and pendant necklace.  "That she was not wearing that I remember."

She nodded, looking it over.  It was fairly simple.  "We're sure it's not Tara's that they dragged?"

"No, I know all of Tara's things.  I had to have them cleaned after the fire and filled out the forms for her."  He shrugged.  "No clue."

The husband looked at it.  "That's her friend Macy's necklace," he said quietly.  "Did you sleep with her too?" he sneered at Xander.

Xander stared at him.  "I don't know.  Usually I only attract bad girls.  I have a gift of dating future felons."  The man flinched back.  He looked at Beckett again.  "Want to come search the house for more?"

"We shouldn't need to.  Why?"

"I can't move the dresser to see.  One of the cats keeps darting under there and is playing with something but I'm not sure what and I can't tell."

"Can't Tara move it for you?"

"No.  I don't know why either.  The thing isn't that heavy."

"Have we looked inside for weights?" she suggested dryly.

"I don't have weights in the house, Beckett."

"Castle."  He came over.  "Help him check for more things from her?"

"Sure.  Let's go, kid."  They walked out together.  "I saw the whole interview.  You did good.  The editing made you seem a bit edgier."

"I saw.  It wasn't bad."

"No.  Have you heard from that church?"

"About every week they write letters like Amnesty does."

He snorted.  "They'd never like that comparison."

"Of course not.  Bigots hate everything."  He drove them home and went into the bedroom.  "Kittens out," Xander ordered.  Three ran.  He pointed.  "The other's still under there."

"What's wrong with the dresser?"  He pushed it and it didn't even budge.  "Is it screwed down?"

"Not that I'm aware of.  I got it to move an inch earlier."  They took out all the drawers and found the reason.  There were a few things under the bottom drawer.  "Huh.  I wonder who did that."

"I don't know but it's why it's so damn heavy," Rick said.  He called Beckett.  "We found something from a former ex but not that one."  He hung up.  "Gloves?"  Xander got some from the first aid kit so they could undo them and take them out.  There were about two hundred pounds of them.  They still couldn't shift it so Rick looked inside.  "Did that top drawer stick by any chance?"

"Yeah, sometimes.  Why?"

"Because I found more.  I need to buy that brand of tape."  He pulled them out and put them on the bed too.  Then they moved the dresser.  The kitten there ran so they had to chase her to get the necklace she was dragging.  He held it up.  "It looks like a kitten toy."  It had an orb with a feather underneath it.

"I got that for Tara a few years back," he said.  He looked it over.  "It's still good."  He went to put it into her jewelry box.  He found her coming in, they met in the hallway.  "The kittens took your feather and orb necklace."

She rolled her eyes.  "The kittens probably thought it was a toy.  Anything new on that girlfriend?"

"No but another left us a shiny present."  She looked in there and gasped.  He nodded.  "Yeah.  That's why I couldn't move the dresser."  She went to her room, gathering the kittens to come with her so they couldn't escape when the detectives got there.

Esposito walked in and paused.  "Holy fuck," he muttered.  "Are those platinum?"  Xander nodded.  "Huh.  Any idea which girlfriend?"

"The last one was a jewel thief.  You guys arrested her for it," he said with a small shrug.  "I don't know."

"Okay."  He hummed.  "I have no idea how to subtly get those back to the station."  He called her.  "I need about four really strong guys with padded cases for bricks of platinum.  Yeah, that's why he couldn't move the dresser.  Sixteen."  He hung up.  "Damn."

Xander nodded.  "Very.  I have no idea which one put them there, but the tape was fantastic because it never came off.  Even a bit.  I had no idea there was tape up there and it was above my underwear drawer so I'm in there almost every day."  Both guys gave him an odd look.  "Sometimes I don't leave the house, guys.  I sit around in sweats."

"Yeah, so do I," Esposito admitted.  He went to answer the door for Beckett and Ryan, plus three strong looking uniformed officers.  "On the bed."

She went to look.  "Those are platinum.  I'll be damned."  She carefully lifted one once she had on gloves.  "About the right weight too."  They packed them away.  "Guys, let's search the rest of the apartment in case whoever left him more surprises?"

Xander shrugged.  "Please."

"Nothing we shouldn't see?" Rick teased with a smirk.

"If you guys feel like going through the porn, go for it.  We all know I don't take drugs.  Tara doesn't take drugs.  If it's here, it's not ours."  He sat on the bed.  "I have no idea which girlfriend that could've been if it wasn't the last one."

Beckett looked at him.  "The jewel thief?"

"Yeah."

"Not her style.  She never would've left it with you.  She would've cashed it out and went shopping."

"Good point."  Xander handed over a key from his ring.  "Gun cabinet."

She went to do that one personally.  Ryan looked over her shoulder, whistling.  "Why do you have the assault rifle out again?" she called.

"I'm writing weapons dealing demons so I was petting it for inspiration," Xander called.  The uniformed officers all stared at him.  "I write that DCIS series."

"Sure," one agreed.  "Is it loaded?"

"It shouldn't be.  It wasn't earlier."  They nodded and got back to searching.

"Bingo," Esposito said from the closet.

"Porn stash?" Rick joked.

Xander looked.  "Not hardly.  That's under the bed so Tara doesn't get embarrassed."

"I do the same thing so Mother doesn't find it," he muttered.  "I think all teenage boys learn that."  He looked over Esposito's shoulder and hissed.  "Oooh.  Beckett," he called.

"Don't moan my name that way please," she ordered as she walked in.  She moaned too.  "That's beautiful."  Xander looked.  Then shook his head with a sigh.  "We'll see if they're stolen or yours, kid."

"Thanks, Detective."

"Ma'am, the other room is occupied," one of them said.

"That's his housemate Tara," she said.  "The kittens are probably in there.  Be polite."  He nodded and knocked, getting let in while she was picking up things.  She looked at Xander, who shrugged.  "Freaky things are happening near you again."

"I know, and if I knew why I'd stop it.  I mean, unless it's from another realm's version of me?  I have no idea."

A small demon appeared to stare at him.  "You are not the one with the hair," he admitted.  "I will tell my Lord so he will refocus himself.  Keep those for not smiting us."  He disappeared.

Xander shook his head quickly.  "Damn."

"What one with the hair?" Esposito asked.

"In the place where Rosenburg sent me, there had been an apocalypse where they wished multiple me's there to help, without realizing that the wish was prompted because they were about to have Satan's ball licker show up like that one country song."  Beckett shuddered.  "Exactly.  Seven of me showed up, not me me but other mes.  One of them had a very high pheromone output problem that got him wooed by people who wanted to own him like the concubine he was, or so the me there told me.  I'm guessing that came from one of them."  The tiny demon came back.  "Am I right?"

"You are.  The Lord agreed and said he loves that series but you are very mean to the demons that get hunted down."

Xander nodded.  "There's others they work with."

"They are not as well described."

"Sometimes I didn't know which one it was.  I will work on that because I don't want to upset the community."

The tiny demon smiled.  "We like that series.  Many of the bad ones are righteously ended."  He patted him.  "He put more in the White One's room as kitten toys.  Also there is some in the kitchen as he liked to cook."  He disappeared.

Beckett went to look.  "Someone sent you chocolate covered gems, kid."

"I love chocolate," Xander said.  "But I'd worry I'd swallow one."

She walked backward to look up the hall at him.  "That's what you're worried about?"

"Yeah."  He looked at Rick.  "Should I worry about something else?"

"Probably not."  He went to look, taking one to taste and moaned.  "This came from that shop in Las Vegas I never told Mother about because she'd spend herself poor in it."  He let her run her finger through the other end before going back to cleaning it off.  She moaned too.  "I love this place.  I proposed to my first wife with a box of these."  He went back to cleaning it up.  "Hmm, ruby."

"I wonder if this happens to other versions of you," Esposito asked.

"Don't know.  Want me to find a way to scry and ask them?"

"No.  Because here that would mean an apocalypse and all your artillery is back with the military."  He saw the grimace and grinned.  "Who paid you more?"

"No one."

"Uh-huh.  Should we check?"

"I haven't been playing poker.  They won't let me."

Rick walked back there, handing him the ruby he had wiped clean of his drool.  "It's pretty."

"It is.  Very pretty."  He sighed, looking at it in the light.  "No obvious big flaws."  He put it onto the bed.  "So what do I do with them?"

"We'll still check, just in case," she ordered.  Tara's room got a few more taken out.  They were mostly spheres and other things that the cat could play with.  She looked at a jar.  "Tara, do you have decorative marbles?"  She slowly shook her head.  Beckett pointed.

"I feel sorry for that Xander."  Beckett smiled and took them with her.  Tara looked at the kittens.  "Thank you for being so good.  It's good kitties."  Xander came in to flop down next to her and help pet them.  "That poor you."

Xander nodded.  "Must be a bit freak worthy but I'd probably adapt fairly quickly."

"True.  You do adapt well."

"Let us take this back and make sure nothing's stolen," Beckett said from the doorway.  "If not, we'll give it back in a few weeks."

"It's going in a safety deposit box," Xander ordered.

"That's even better," she assured him.  "Castle, I want the address of that candy company."

"They even have a website," he promised with a smile.  "I got Alexis some for her sixteenth birthday.  She squealed for days."  They left together, him closing the door.  "I guess it's back to our regularly scheduled insanity and dead bodies?"

"Probably, yeah.  We still have to figure out where that one was."  Fortunately her car was still there this time, about to be picked up.  She had a good, long rant at the tow truck people, and the person who had encouraged it to disgrace her.  That one she had invited to a sparring match and they had decided to transfer.  Thankfully.  Jealous bitch.

The End.

Out-take 4: It Should Only Happen To Other Authors

Someone has some really funny ideas.  Twice.

Xander walked into the detective's seating area and sat down beside one of the minions.  "Rick said to come talk to him."

"You sounded nearly panicked," Rick said, reading something.  "What happened now?"  Xander pulled out a few papers from his back pocket and started to read.  In French.   Rick's head popped up and he stared at him.  "Repeat that please?"  Xander handed it over so he read it, then shuddered.  "Where did we find this piece of garbage?"

"Tara's girlfriend found it online."  Rick was glaring.  "I only printed off the parts you should *really* see."

"That was you two talking about smut," Beckett said, looking confused.  "I understood a few words."

"Someone RPS'd you?" Esposito demanded, looking at the kid.  "Seriously?"

"Oh, so not just us two."  He grinned.  He took the papers back to read the second page.

"Did they just call me a muffin?" Ryan asked.  "That was muffin, right?  I understood that word."

"Yes, it was," Rick said dryly.  "It has to be someone young and stupid.  The grammar's cracked and so bad."

"She said she was writing in french because she's learning it and it is the language of love."  He grinned.  "She said her teacher appreciated it and gave her a B on this story."  Rick was glaring.

"Where did they put Beckett?" Esposito asked.

"The occasional beard and creamy filling for a reward.  Things like making top ten list the first week and things."  Beckett was whimpering, looking horrified.  "You two are apparently a couple.  You got whumped so he was calming you down."

"Uh-huh.  That just topped my squick meter so please quit?" Esposito asked.

"Squick?  Are you a teenager now?" Ryan demanded.

"I looked at an online dictionary because he references those terms now and then."

"Sometimes only an internet term works," Xander said with a shrug.  He looked at Rick.  "I know she's probably thirteen and this is the only way she can express her sexual desires, but what are you going to do about this?"

"Why me?" he demanded.

"Because I'm not telling Paula."

"We have to tell Paula."

"I'm not that brave.  I'll face down thousands of demons spilling onto his plane with only a sword and no body armor, but I'm not going to tell Paula about this.  You keep telling me about this concept called backup so I'm going to back you up, buddy."  The detectives were all snickering.

"He's right, Paula will make us wish we had riot gear for our balls," Rick muttered.  "Site?"  Xander got onto Ryan's computer so he could read it.  "She does some in english too."  He looked at that one.  "Not much better.  Though apparently my poker games are more fun than usual," he quipped.  He shuddered.  "That's just... so very wrong."  He walked off shaking his head.

"RPS?" Ryan asked.

"Real people slash," Xander said with a bright, happy grin.  "Congrats.  I hear you two have been together now for over a year.  She wrote you two a really nice anniversary fic."

"I want a new partner," Ryan decided, shutting that down.  "Before others start thinking that."  He got up and went to clear his head by playing in traffic for a while.

Esposito changed seats so he could see how bad it was.  "Her grammar does suck, even in her native language."  He read over the summaries and shuddered.  "She does have one fandom piece in Nikki Heat."

"Eww," Beckett said bluntly.

Esposito looked up with a grin.  "It's you and Ryan it looks like."  He put his head back down to go back to reading.  Their captain came out to stare at them.

"Xander brought very disturbing news," Rick told him.

"I heard the 'eww' comment."  He walked over to look at the monitor, eyebrow going up.  "Is...  I don't need to know," he decided.

"It's not real, sir.  It's some little girl's fantasy."

"They call them pink fangirls.  It's their version of how their fantasies should be," Xander told him.  "And if you tell them they're wrong, they tend to throw fits like toddlers.  They have whole flaming wars of words over those sort of things.  They get vengeful and have sites shut down when you don't agree with their OTP.  One true paring," he said at Beckett's confused look.  He smirked.  "Tara's girlfriend found it last night."

"Uh-huh," the captain said.  "Do you need help filing a restraining order?"

"We have to tell Paula," Rick said.

"I'm not that brave.  There's a better chance of me getting her pregnant from across the room so she can have little editor babies, and I'm still a thousand percent infertile, than there is of her having a *good* reaction to this news."  Rick snickered, nodding.  "I'll heroically reward all the officers who stand between her and us with lunch."

The captain nodded.  "I'm not in there, right?"

"You're very understanding when the obligatory fight happens and makes your detectives pouty but you basically tell her to man up and just spit it out.  Or swallow it some more really."

"You read them?" Rick demanded.

"Yes, I wanted to see how outraged I should be," Xander defended.  He smirked.  "You didn't reward me at all for being so prolific.  Plus she's got a very vanilla imagination.  Though those two like strawberry scented bubble baths."  Esposito moaned, shaking his head.  "Exactly.  I came to take part in the time honored tradition of backup, Captain.  Rick keeps telling me amazing things about that concept."

"I can see why you'd need it," he sighed, walking off rubbing his forehead.

Ryan came back.  "Get that off my computer."

"We'll call Paula down here.  It's closer to the hospital for when she has the heart attack," Rick decided.  "That way she can't beat either of us."

"She won't," Beckett said dryly.

"Bet me!"  Rick looked at her.  "Most of us authors are secretly pleased at fanfiction about our stories, but she threw a fit that nearly got the old office shut down when she found some about my other series."

"I set down rules," Xander told her.  "Things they could not do.  She accepted it with ill grace."  He looked at Ryan then clicked on one, letting Esposito read that one.  A few minutes later he got a whimper and a 'wrong' muttered over and over, but he was still reading.  "Yeah, it's such a trainwreck in the making that you almost have to keep going," he sighed.

Rick walked over to read over his shoulder.  "Strawberry bubble bath and a porn shop site for research," he said, walking off shaking his head.

Ryan turned off the computer and took it to the meeting room.  He could wipe the thing clean and have computer services reinstall everything later.  That way it wasn't infected with really crappy gay detective smut.  Paula came off the elevator.  Rick pointed.  She scowled but went to read.  Xander got her into a different one and then went to hide behind Rick.

Beckett looked.  "He'll move and let her have you, kid.  It won't save you."

"Then I'm ducking behind you.  It's not my fault."  Paula's face was turning really red and she was starting to get huffy.  "Ambulance?" he asked quietly.

"Coffee run.  I'm not that brave either," Rick decided.  He and Xander fled.

"For being so brave against demons, women sure do scare him," Esposito said dryly.  He looked at his partner.  "She has the worst cuddly names."

"Shut up.  Or I'm switching units.  Just shut up."

"Fine."  He looked at Beckett.  "Should we call an ambulance?"

"I'm not sure yet."  They were all watching the editor get pissed off.  Paula started to look around.  "They ran for their lives," she called.

"How did Xander find this?  Rick would never go somewhere like fanfiction.net."

"Tara's girlfriend.  He showed up with some in french," Ryan said.  "Disgusted all of us horribly."

"I saw the ones in French."  She looked at them, handing the laptop back after making note of her author ID.  "Let me go pen a desist letter to freak her out with."

"Will that work?" the captain asked.

"It's a good first step.  Then I'll have Xander scare the crap out of her for it."  She stomped off rubbing her chest.

The desk sergeant looked at her.  "Ma'am, should I call an ambulance for you?  You look like you're about to have a heart attack."

"I'll be fine.  Thank you.  Tell my authors to call me later please."  She went back to the office and threw her unholy fit there.  When she stopped, her boss was staring at her.  Everyone in the office was behind him.  A hellhound was staring at her from a corner.  It had its head tipped to the side, forked tongue hanging out as it panted, and it looked interested.  She glared.  "Shoo!"  It fled.  She looked at her boss then got onto that site to show him why.

"Oh, dear.  Do they know?"

"They told me."

"Have fun with the legal department, Paula.  And please remember the no pets rule."  He walked off.

"It's not mine, sir.  It apparently thought I was related."  She glared at her computer.  "I think it's right today."  She took the information down to the legal department.

"We were taking bets on how long it'd take before you visited us," the head of legal quipped.  "We heard the fit all the way down here."

"RPS."

"Eww."

"Castle and Harris."

"Gay RPS then?" he quipped, pulling up the right form letter.  "Who?"  She got into his browser to pull that author ID up.  "I can definitely screw up her life for her.  Relax, let me be evil."

"Fine.  Please do.  They both ran after telling me to read that site."

"Harris will face down a demon invasion with a sword, but apparently you're more mean."  She snorted, walking off shaking her head to get a milkshake off the place in the lobby.  He started saving down her things and then reporting her to the site.  Then he started on the desist before we sent Harris with artillery to your house letter.  Because that was just so wrong.  Everyone knew that Castle wanted that detective of his and Xander just needed a new torturing evil bitch.  Castle could never be that evil.  His daughter would stop him.

***

Xander looked at Rick at dinner that night.  "If Paula shows up to kill us, I'll make sure your daughter grows up fine.  I'll be a good big brother about telling her what dirtbags guys are.  I'll show up to clean guns whenever they're coming over."

"I thought about asking you to do that anyway," Rick admitted.  "Mother heard from Beckett and she cackled when she left me a voicemail.  My daughter's whole comment was 'eww, and I can do *so* much better'," he mimicked.  Xander snickered.  "Seriously."

"The sad thing is, the muses are going 'you have to end the DCIS series eventually, this could take the place of it'."  Xander stuffed his mouth at the dirty look.  "Two authors who live together, not us us."

Rick shook his head.  "Your muses need antibiotics for the infection that's causing the fever."  He stuffed his mouth.  Tara had made a very nice dinner before disappearing.  "Is her author profile still up?"

"Yup, as of an hour ago."  Xander reached over to move his mouse to cancel his screensaver so he could reload the page.  "Yup, still there."

"I'm going to send her a personal message."

Xander handed over the laptop.  "Remind her english class is more important than french class."

"I am."  He wrote out a scathing, insulting email about her stories and signed his name to it.  "I'm adding your name."

Xander took it to read over and then added his part.  They sent it and she was probably going to cry but the thought of *them* together was going to give both of them nightmares.  Rick about having to become a commando and Xander about a fluffy home life complete with teddy bear slippers and being brought mugs of hot cocoa.  And yup, that MPREG bunny hopped into view and twitched his nose.  Xander got up to get them a beer, handing over one as he sat down to drink and eat.  Rick gave him an odd look.  "The very thought.  Teddy bear slippers.  Hot cocoa bringing, on the couch with an afghan sort of bunny.  Then the other one that I never acknowledge showed up and twitched."

Rick swallowed half his beer.  "I think I'll rent a room tonight and get really drunk."  He finished dinner and left to do that.  Because he was now having very bad thoughts about being a retired commando sort who had captured Xander as his war prize and brought him home.  He hoped like hell his muses didn't like that idea.

Xander got another few beers and sat down to watch something mindless that wouldn't give him ideas.  Because that was just icky!  Very icky.  Worse than demon goo getting in body orifices icky!

***

Xander showed up at the precinct two weeks later looking like he hadn't slept.  "Keep your damn muses to yourself!" he complained.  "I got *normal* people stories!  And damn it, they're stupidly rabid and it's your fault!"  He huffed off after handing him the damn USB keydrive.  He was pouty and it wasn't normal.  He wasn't like that!  And they wouldn't quit!  He was ready to go hunting in the middle of a demon plane to make the ideas of sitting on a couch erotically reading a section of a story to each other as foreplay out of his head.

Rick groaned, sitting down to read that newest thing.  What he saw....  "Maybe I didn't get drunk enough," he muttered.  "Or this is because I'm in an alcohol induced coma in some hospital somewhere."  He kept going.  It was clearly unproofread.  It was going to warp his brain but he could see where it was going and got in there to fix it.  Which meant, with as much detail as he added, that he got to put his name on it too.  Well, maybe a penname for his penname.  One for Xander too.  Because they didn't want to be exposed as writing this.  It was almost...fluffy.  "No wonder he was freaked out."

Beckett cleared her throat.  "Problems?"

"That stupid kid's stories jumpstarted his muses," he complained.  "Into writing *normal* things."  He let her see.  She blushed, actually blushed.  "It's even a mystery."  He got back into it.  "It's good, even in the raw state," he complained.  He was still typing and he couldn't seem to make himself stop.  He did skip over the smutty stuff, that wasn't his idea of a good time but it was nice foreplay.  He added to the foreplay nature, making it more hot and steamy, which he was better at than Xander was.  Xander wrote a lot more fade to black scenes while Rick wrote more subtly sexy stuff.  Together, this book would be kick ass.  Which was still going to give him headaches.

Beckett and her minions shared a look, leaving Castle to mutter at the laptop he was working on.  Because that had to be an author thing.  "Fluffy slippers too," she told them.

"Aww, he got freaked out by the normal things," Ryan taunted with a smirk.

Rick looked over, nodding.  "Yup, me too.  We're talking Martha Stewart normative here.  Decorated house, fluffy slippers, bringing him cocoa...."  He shuddered.  "Even my mother would find that so wrong on so many levels.  Thankfully it's the external view of how they are, not the reality."  He kept going.  The piece rocked, it drew you in, but damn he was going to have to get so drunk to get this out of his head.  Before his brain exploded and his daughter had to finish his next book.  By the end of work that day, or when Beckett made him go home anyway, he was half done.  The book had gone up by about fifty pages.  There was now danger to the mystery, an undercurrent that could draw you deeper into the steamier world.  He saved it twice and brought it home to work on.

Sometimes he hated Xander for having muses.

He really did.

Especially when he missed dinner because of them.

***

Paula looked up as Rick stomped in a few weeks later.  "What happened?  Did you find another?" she demanded.

"No, the very thought brought up muses in Xander, who shared."  He tossed her the USB keydrive.  "Neither one of us want to be known for that."  He walked off.

She got into it, not really wanting to but she had to assess it.  What she read clearly started off as Xander but then Rick's wove in around his.  It was clearly the two authors bouncing off each other.  She whimpered.  It was too good to go into the trash.  She slumped, still reading.  She sighed, shaking her head.  Poor Xander needed his muses to take another vacation.  Rick clearly needed a night without his too.  Maybe she'd send them both to a writers convention in the Bahamas or something.  Though if they could look at each other after that...  She'd be shocked if one didn't blush.  She was.

Her boss sent back an immediate approval for the story.  They didn't have hardly anything that would qualify as gay themed and it was a big push in the publishing industry.  Which sucked.  He said he didn't care who wrote it and to not tell him if they didn't want to know.  She didn't want to know so that worked well for her.  She sent it to the official publishing team for the last edit since she couldn't without blushing.

They sent her back edits a few days later and she corrected a few things.  The note attached said that it was clear who had written it and clearly something was wrong with them mentally this time.  She sent the other two over as well.  They were more than happy to edit it for her.  She took the edited copy to meet with her idiot authors.  They were summoned to a coffee shop.  She put the manuscript down, making them both groan and blush.  "My boss adores them."

"Never again," Xander quipped.  "I haven't gotten an idea since then."

"Good!" she promised.  "There's a convention coming up in Bermuda.  Go to it for a vacation, boys."  They both nodded, staring at the book.  "Here.  I doubt he let you see it after he added to it, Xander."  She let him read through the first few pages.  "Nicely woven, Rick."

"It was like I was infected with his muses," he complained.  He nudged Xander, looking over his arm at the groan.  "I made it more dark underneath."

"Thank you."  He kept going, shaking his head.  He looked at her.  "Do you always make me sound this good?"

"Yes, I do," she agreed smugly.  "You don't read your own stuff?"

"I read it plenty while writing it."  He slumped down and sipped his coffee while reading.  It was good.  He might want to read this.  He handed it back and walked off after putting down his part of the tab.  "I'm going to Bermuda."

"Thank you."  She smiled at him.  "You did do a nice job enhancing his part."

"It was all because of that stupid pink fangirl's RPS thing."

"I know.  She did get it taken down finally.  She replaced them with a note saying you're both evilly mean."

"Only when I have to be."  He walked off shaking his head.  Bermuda didn't sound so bad.  He could use some time on a beach.  He had to pick the opposite side of the island from Xander but it was a pretty big island.

Paula went back to the office after paying off the rest of the tab.  She'd take it out of Rick's next paycheck.  The boss enjoyed them a lot so it was on to be published for the holiday season.   Yeah, that would work well.  They both had books coming out then so they could compete against themselves.

***

The book reporter for the Times stared at Xander.  It was early December.  His new book was coming out in a week.  "So, have you heard about that new book that's come out?  About two writers living together?"

"I've heard something about it," Xander said, smiling back.  "Alas, 'tis not mine."

"There are rumors that you're one of the authors."

"Who said that?" he asked, looking interested.  "No, as far as I know I've never went by that penname."

"Someone said you got the royalty check for the author?"

He shrugged.  "I got a royalty check for my book, Miss Brenda.  I don't think I ever pick up for anyone else."

"Hmm, interesting."  She smiled.  "There are also rumors that some young girl was writing fantasy stories with you, the real you, as a main character?"

"Oh, yes, we saw."  He smirked.  "And we sent a very nasty letter to her about it. I generally am amazed and awed by the whole fanfiction movement.  It's kinda neat that they want to play in my world, that I made a book good enough that it inspires others.  I set down some very basic rules about some stuff that would bother me to see.

"You know I adore my fans and I'd do about anything for them.  None of them are making any profit off me so I'm not going to be a meany about such things.  I mean, I could've started writing that way myself if I had constant online access when I was younger.  There's also some pretty decent authors in the fanfiction community at large."

He grinned again.  "But I do draw the line at putting me, myself, into a story because I'm not a fantasy character.  Especially one where I reward a fellow author with daily blowjobs for his word count goal."  She blushed, ducking her head.  "Yeah, it was that sort.  So yes, I got a bit peeved at her.  Our publisher nearly had a heart attack.  We ran and hid while she read over that wannabe author's stories.  We didn't have body armor and might've needed it when she blew her temper."

"I can see how that would be disturbing."

"It wasn't the content, which did horrify me for a few weeks, because *so* not the wife in my 'ships, but partially the one she put me with.  I mean, we're friends, I look up to Rick as a mentor.  I don't want to be his ball licker, and I'm really sorry if I'm being too blunt but there's no other way to put it."

"I understand."  She patted him on the hand.  "You do allow others?  I know some authors do."

Xander nodded with a grin.  "I set out some basic rules like a few possible pairings that would probably warp my already fragile mind.  No making a profit, those sort of things.  I'd do nearly anything for my fans.  I adore my fans.  I'd still be working construction if it wasn't for them."

"It's good authors who respect and like their fans.  Your newest book?"

"DCIS?" he guessed with a grin.

"Yes, not the hunting one coming out in two months.  Things appear to be winding down.  Are we near the end of that series?"

"Um... this is book...."  He countered.  "Sixteen in the series, right?"  She nodded.  "No.  There's twenty-five.  I wrote the end the other day.  Things are slowing down but by the end of the book you're seeing hints of the final battle that'll warp things a little bit.  Also the last paragraph will lead to the next book, which will be about a major issue on that associated project."

"So this was a 'tying up one arc to start another' book."

"Yes.  Plus looking a bit closer at some of the relationships in the unit.  You do see that trio working out things that they've been ignoring for years.  You see some of the other interpersonal ones going on at the same time."

"Interesting.  I only got to read the first five chapters last night."

Xander grinned.  "Nice bubble bath?"

"Yes, it was."  She smirked back.  "Naughty."

"I try really hard to be good," he teased with a grin.  She laughed and swatted at him.  "In chapter seven we see the trio working things out and the plucky little butthole in the armory trying to manfully pout about things that he doesn't really get as he's calming down to a normal life again."

"That does sound like it's more...well let me put it as less action oriented."

"Not everyday can be an action story.  You do need time to regroup, rest, deal with your lovers.  All that stuff.  Otherwise you get burnt out really badly."

"Did you?"

"I was dating people who knew about the life I used to have," he said.  "Half the time if it was a research night, they were there."

"Where is that ex of yours now?"

"She's a nun."

"Oh, interesting."

Xander shrugged a bit.  "She's happy and that's all I'm concerned about.  Though she did try to curse me with groupies once.  Still haven't seen them yet."  Miss Brenda cackled, shaking her head.  He grinned a good boy grin.  "Maybe some day I'll get groupies."

"Maybe," she promised.  "Thank you, Alexian.  I'll edit out those few swear words and make you seem less angry at that one girl."

"We figured she was probably about thirteen."

"Fifteen.  She wrote in to tell me how evilly mean you were, or that's how she put it."

"Yeah, well....  You should've seen those stories."

"She did give me a copy when I asked."  He rolled his eyes.  "As well as a copy of the letter you and Mr. Castle sent?"

"Oh, yes.  We were having dinner to discuss how to handle that issue and he decided to critique her.  I agreed with most of it.  The last few paragraphs were mine.  I'm sorry if I'm mean, but there's a difference between my characters and me.  I'm not a half-elf.  It might be cool if I was but I'm not."

"I know, dear."  She patted his arm.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome.  Have a good afternoon, Miss Brenda."  He left and once in the car called Paula.  "There's rumors that I'm part of that duo that wrote that damn book.  Including that I cashed the royalty check?"  He hung up on her choking.  He probably just ruined her lunch but oh well.  He left a message for Rick to warn him that Miss Brenda was digging and had talked to that fangirl.

***

Rick had his own interview with another reporter, this time for a more prestigious magazine.   "All right," he said with a smile, sitting down.  "What can I tell you today?"

"Well, first, have you seen your competition on the bestseller list this week?" she asked, smiling at him.

"I haven't gotten a chance to look yet," he admitted.  "My morning paper reading was interrupted by a set of dead twins."

She smiled.  "There's Alexian Harris' new book."

"That's wonderful.  Alexis helps him with some proofreading of that series."

"I heard.  He dedicated it to her this time because she made it sound less girlish."  He smiled.  "There's also a very unusual, slightly campy, slightly naughty mystery novel?"

"I've heard something about that, yes."

"There's rumors that it was set off by some young woman's online desires?"

He shrugged.  "No clue what you're talking about," he said with a straight face.

"Hmm.  Yet it was thought, by writing styles, that it was you and perhaps young Alexian that wrote it."

He shook his head.  "I don't usually collaborate with him on things.  Sometimes I help him when he's stuck.  His over-reaching muses play tag with mine, but otherwise he looks at me like I'm his mentor."

"Interesting.  How is his new series wrapping up?"

"In part 25.  Alexis got it yesterday.  This current one is a calm before the new stormy arc."

"Ah.  With a lot of weapons."

"Quite from what she said."  He grinned.  "He does like weapons."

"How did he know how much some of them weight and what they look like?"

"Alexian *loves* weapons.  He has a whole cabinet full of examples so he can stare at them while he writes, including some very ancient ones."

"From the hunting as well I'd assume?"

"Definitely that as well, yes."

"Huh.  So, how did your newest one come out do you think?"

"I think it's just as good as the last Nikki Heat novel.  If not slightly better.  My daughter did a lot of the proofreading for me this time because she was grounded for swearing back at another student who was bothering her."

"Bullies?"

"No, just dumb girls mostly.  The sort that their whole ambition is to become a trophy wife.  Since my daughter uses her very smart brain, they don't always like that."

"Ah.  That sort.  I had a few of those in my day as well."  She smiled.  "Is she going to write?"

"I don't think she wants to.  She's never shown an interest."

"Pity.  The world could use more good authors."

"Yes it could," he agreed, smiling at Beckett as she walked in to get some coffee.

"Detective, have you read the newest book?"

"I can't say as I have.  I try really hard not to.  Sometimes it makes me want to swat him for his literary licenses."  She poured herself some coffee.  "Someone just called saying that Tara was sobbing about a certain younger author's new girlfriend?"

Rick pulled out his phone to text her, getting one back.  "Oh, dear.  Yes, his newest stalker tried to take Tara's girlfriend hostage.  Tara managed to save her and the kittens, but she's in a blind panic because he's now in a rage."  He looked up.  "He's at the warehouse though.  Probably gathering weapons."

"Boys, go stop Xander from killing his last wannabe girlfriend," she called.  "He's at the warehouse and she tried to hurt the cats and Tara's girlfriend."  They ran for the stairs instead of waiting on the elevator.  "She good?" she asked Castle.

"Freaking out a bit.  She didn't show her girlfriend...."  He waved his hand.

"Oh.  Well....  Alexis?"

"School for another hour I hope.  Did she call?"

"No, your mother did.  Your phone wasn't working according to her."

"It should be.  I'll check on that in a few minutes.  Thank you."

"Welcome."  She went to tell the captain that.  Just in case they had to arrest Xander.

He looked at the reporter again, smiling slightly.  "It's the little dramas that can drive you insane if you let them."

"Is Alexian going to hunt her down?"

"Unless we stop him, probably.  He's very overprotective of Tara, as most everyone knows."

"Oh, I've seen it at a few of the conventions."  She cleared her throat.  "I hope that goes well enough."

"It should.  He listens to these detectives."  He smiled.  "Anyway, back to the less weighty topics?"

"Please."  She smiled.  "This book is longer?"

"It's got two homicides but they weave together in a slightly odd way that seems to happen a lot in real life, but can drive a detective to drink.  The little connections that lead you to play Six Degrees of Separation sort."  He smacked himself on the forehead.  "I'll be right back."  He got up and walked out.  "Beckett, the connection, it's a gym."  She looked confused.  "One's training for a marathon.  One's just had an injury.  I bet they knew each other from the gym."

"I'll see."  He nodded, going back to the desk.  "Clearly that jumpstarted his brain."  She looked through their books, finding their trainers names and seeing if they were at the same place.  If so, it might be a connection to where they met their killers.  Or they could run into each other for coffee after workouts as it happened.  She went to question on that while the boys were corralling Xander and Castle was finishing his interview.

***

Ryan walked in first, waving his partner in, both having hands on their guns.  "Xander?" he called, heading toward the armory section.  Nothing.  No Xander.  No huffy boy in the least.  Esposito heard something and headed for it, Ryan following.  "I hate how this thing stretches," he complained.  They found the boy, patiently putting a handgun back together after cleaning it, and ignoring them.

"Xander," Esposito said.  Xander didn't look at him.  So he took the gun and put it out of reach.  That got him glared at.  He stared back.  "Let us handle her?"

"Hell.  No."

"You can't go out being all batman this time," Ryan said.

"Not like she's pressing charges."

"We don't know that.  Beckett could have her filling it out right now.  Or Tara."

"No, they won't.  They decided it'd be bad and they might have to testify, which could get them bashed.  So no, it's my turn to play.  Now, can I have my other handgun please?"

"No," Esposito told him.  "No way in hell.  Then we'd have to arrest you and they'd never publish you from prison."

"Oh, I don't know," he said dryly.  "If Paula drops me, there's always some greedy fuckers and there's also self-publishing."

"No," Ryan said.  "Let's go check on Tara and her girlfriend."

"She's hiding at home and Tara evacuated the cats with her."

"Good!  We can check there," Ryan assured him, hauling him up and making sure the kid stayed between them.  He paused at the door, looking him over.  "No body armor?"

"She didn't have a gun.  She had a stake, a staff, and a huge knife."

"Huh."  He held him while his partner patted the kid down, taking all the weapons to the office to lock them in the safe.  Then they walked him to the car and took him back to the station.  On the way, Ryan called Tara to check on her.  She was nearly babbling while stuttering.  It was not a good thing to hear.  "Tara, if you want to press charges, we can easily do that.  You know that.  Yes, I know that would mean you'd have to testify but still.  That way she can't hurt anyone else.  And Xander can't go kill her."  He smirked at the kid.  "She said that's not what the Goddess wills."

"Bet me," he snorted.  "She attacked those who're mine.  The Goddess would be cheerleading like Cordy."

Ryan heard the comeback.  "She said that's a really bad image of the Goddess and to get your mind out of the gutter."  He wrote down an address.  "We'll be there in a few minutes, Tara.  I promise.  No, we have him in the car.  We even disarmed him.  Yup, give us a few."  He hung up.  "Tara thinks she's outside the building."

"We can handle that.  Stalking is a crime and they won't have to testify probably.  We can push for them to make a deal."  Esposito changed lanes and flipped on his lights so no one said a thing.  A few blocks later he turned them off and pulled up onto the right street.

Xander pointed.  "That's her if I saw right."

"If not, the one up the street might be," Esposito said.  "Since she's got a shotgun in the open."  They stopped and headed after her.

Xander got out and went to the one he knew was the stalker, staring at her.  She glared.  "What was your plan?  To piss me off enough that I'd make you beg for suicide?"

"She's wrong.  Hunters don't...."

"She's bloodlined," Xander said firmly but quietly.  She flinched.  "Exactly.  You've just pissed me off and probably her ex, Rosenburg, off."  The woman whimpered, staring at him.  "I'd suggest that you turn your ass in to the two nice detectives that didn't want me to bring any weapons."  She attacked and he beat her ass.  She wasn't bad...but he was trained against faster, stronger, more hungry things.  She was still human.

Esposito walked back and pulled her off the pavement one-handed, shoving her at the car.  "Confess and I'll give you a really nice jail cell away from him."

"But..."  She pointed.  "He was fighting too."

"Yeah, and you attacked."  He smirked.  "We know the kid, we know he wouldn't physically attack you first.  Shoot you... but not start a brawl.  Xander, heel."  Xander huffed but moved closer to Ryan.  Who had the other bad girl.  She was trying to flirt with him so he grinned at her.  The hunter shrieked and tried to go after Xander again.  Pity.

Xander kicked her in the jaw, breaking it, making her crumple to the ground.  He looked down at her.  "Did you need something?"  She didn't answer because she was unconscious.  The other bad girl was moaning prettily.  Xander smiled.  "Why did you have a shotgun?"

"There's some blonde bimbo going after my ex and she's mine!"

"Long skirt, shoulder length hair?" Xander asked.  She nodded with a grin.  "That's Tara, who's like my sister.  That one went after Tara earlier to get my attention."  He stared at her.  "We all leave Tara alone before I lose my temper and destroy this city.  Because, artillery pretty, dear."  She whimpered, shifting closer.  "Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good girl."  He kissed her.  "Confess to the nice officers?  They're very nice to me most of the time.  They might even help you get bail so you can see if you want to date me."

She looked back at Ryan.  "It'll be tomorrow for bail unless we had a full confession by four.  It's nearly three-thirty now."  He smiled.  "We love helping Xander date."  His goofy, good boy persona won her over and she decided to tell him all about stalking her ex and taking out a few of her replacements.

Esposito got the other one woken up, staring at her.  "Did you want to attack Xander again?" he asked.  "Or press charges?"

"He's going to have a demon rape me," she mumbled.

"No, he won't.  That would blow poker debts on things other than guns."  He stood her up.  "He only blows those for important things."  Xander smirked.  She whimpered and hid behind him when Tara walked up to them.

Tara looked at the injured woman, then at the insane one, then at Xander.  "I didn't know you were dating."

"Hi, I'm Merrideth, you took my place," she said, smiling at her.

"Oh!  Brandy told me about you."  She shook her hand.  "I'm very sweet to Brandy, and I adore her like the gem she is."  Merrideth pouted.  "She's a wonderful woman and I know why you're stuck on her.  She even puts up with our cats, even though she's allergic."  The other woman slumped but Tara just radiated 'good girl' and 'of course you like me' vibes.  So Merrideth had to give up because she wanted Xander.  The other one was moaning and Tara stared at her.  "Yes?  Did you need something else or were you going to be more rude?  You nearly hurt my cats and I do not allow that."

"You attack her and we'd have to arrest you too," Ryan assured her with a smile.

Tara snorted.  "Not like you could prove how I did it if I did levitate her up a few stories and then let her go."  She smiled at the hunter, making her back up and try to hide inside the nice detective's suit with him.  "You don't touch the Sunnydale team.  We tend to get a bit...mean in our defense, dear."

"Or in the defense of the group," Xander sighed.  "Like a made family."  He hugged her.  "I'll bring the kitties home in a while?"

"We will.  Now that she's been arrested."  She walked off.

"Ya know, I always thought Tara was too sweet to be threatening," Esposito said.

Ryan shook his head.  "Any woman can turn into a tigress if you give them the right shove.  That one... she's got bigger claws."

"And she can use a crossbow," Xander quipped.  "I made sure of it."  He smiled.  The ladies both moaned.  "So, can I go collect my cats?"

"No," Ryan said.  "Car."  He sighed but got into the front.  Ryan, being smaller, got into the back with the bad girls.  Esposito said a prayer for sanity before getting in to drive. Their arrest stats were going to look nice this month at least.

***

Beckett stared at the two girls being brought in.  "They both attacked Tara?  Sit, Harris."  He sat down with a sigh.

"One was going to, she had a shotgun out in the open," Ryan said.  "She's going to give us all sorts of information so she can make bail and date the kid."

"The other *really* probably wants an ice pack," Esposito offered with a smirk.  "Because she got free and tried to rush Harris.  Who broke her jaw."

The captain came out.  "She got free of...."  Esposito waved his free hand.  "She struggled free?"

"I was in the process of cuffing her."

"I see.  And she just ran at him?"  Xander nodded.  "So he broke her jaw with a punch?"

"No, I kicked her," Xander admitted.  "They pulled me off her the first time."

"Yes we did," Ryan agreed.  He put his into a room and got the other one an ice pack so they could book her.

"Are they pressing charges?" the captain asked.  Both women shook their heads almost frantically when Beckett asked them that.  The captain stared at Xander.  "You're on very thin ice, Harris."

"The other one I didn't know about.  She was stalking her ex, Tara's girlfriend.  That one went after Tara because she's a hunter.  Decided Tara was evil."  He stared at her and she ducked her head, mumbling at Beckett about things.  He looked at the captain again.  "She's like my sister and she wasn't going to press charges."

"She's still refusing to but we did see enough to know that she attacked Harris, Captain," Esposito said.  "The other things we can add to later on depending on what she mumbles in confession."

The captain looked at him.  "How do you get so lucky?  No one in any of the fights you've been in ever wants to press charges."

"That's because most of them are hoping to date him later," Rick joked, staring at him.  Xander shrugged.  "Seriously?"

"It's always been that way.  I have no idea."  He stood up.  "Let me go pick up the cats."

"Sit," Beckett yelled.  Xander sat again with another sigh.

"Here, come talk to the nice reporter for Time," Castle offered, leading him in to talk to her.  She had been packing up.  She spotted him and grinned, pulling back out her tape recorder to interview him.  Rick went to check with Beckett.  "Should we prepare a monitored cell for him?  That way no one on the cellblock wants to make friends that he'll have to beat to death?"

"She's refusing to press charges but I believe I need to talk to the young man about his overprotective nature," she said dryly.

"He's in with the reporter."  He left her to her questioning.  The other had gotten free and was in Xander's lap mugging him.  He pointed.  The guys all shook their heads.  Beckett came to remove her and cuffed her, bringing her back to the same room.  "Xander?" he asked.

"She ran in and pounced," the reporter said.  The guys all nodded.  Including Xander.  "You really do draw bad girls, Alexian."

"Yes I do."  He shrugged and slumped a little bit.  "I have no idea why but it's nice they all love me so much."  He smiled.  "You're not an evil, bad, wicked girl, right?"

"Not likely."  She teased his hand with a grin.  "I can be naughty but not that bad."  He grinned back and they got back to the interview.

***

Rick woke up with a groan, looking around the room he was in.  For some reason this looked....like a Stephen King novel.  On the twin bed next to him was a groaning lump of blanket.  Rick hadn't been covered but they had covered the other one up.  "Beckett?" he hissed, hoping.  No, the groan was a baritone one.  Which meant it could only be one of them, with a high probability on one choice.  "Xander?" he called, getting a grunt.  "Wake up.  Now!"

Xander moved the pillow, showing a lot of bruises.  "What the fuck?"

"No clue," Rick said.  "Are you badly injured?"

"Why am I injured?" he muttered.  He made himself sit up, staring at his leg.  Something was wrong with it.  "Huh," he muttered.  He licked his lips, looking at Rick.  "Broken ankle."  He pointed.

Rick got up carefully to check.  "You may have a few broken bones in your foot too, kid."  He looked at his face, showing it was just bruised and swollen.  "You look like you got into a bar brawl."  Xander shook his head slowly.  "Are you actually awake?"

"Unfortunately.  There's someone in the house?"

"Hopefully.  Right now I'm flashing back to _Misery_," he said quietly.

Xander blinked.  "That's even stranger than would happen to me."

"Maybe, yeah."  He sat down on his bed again.  "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Mmmmmm....."  He let that go for a minute, blinking.  "Driving.  I was picking Tara and Brandy up.  I think.  You?"  He blinked a few times.  "I really need caffeine."

"I know, kid.  The last I knew I was at home.  Maybe pulling into my parking spot, I don't remember walking into the house."  Xander nodded and fell backwards.  Rick shook his head.  "We should try to escape now."

Xander pointed.  "Someone's right there."

"Let us out!" he bellowed.

"Write me something pretty!" a female voice called back.  "Before I do pull a _Misery_ on you!"  She stomped off.

Xander blinked at him.  "This has to be your strangeness since you know him."

"Maybe."  He sighed, looking at him.  "Pain?"

"Tiny bit," he quipped.  "I can probably get up and kick butt if I have to."

"Rest for a few more minutes.  Then we'll work on that later."  Xander nodded, letting himself drift off again.  Rick looked, finding the needle mark.  She had used a pretty big one.  Rick looked, finding his own on his neck by feel of the raised area.  "Someone has to know we're missing by now," he said quietly.  "Alexis was waiting on me at home."  Xander grunted.  "Rest for now, Xander."

***

Alexis ran into the desk area, skidding into Detective Esposito's back.  "Dad's missing," she panted.

"No, he just left a while ago," he said.

"No!  He's missing!  His car's not parked right in his spot and he's not in it, he never made it from the parking garage upstairs and there's a needle in the backseat!"

"Okay," he said, starting to call people.  "Let's get you back there so we can look over the car.  Have you tried calling him?  Beckett, meet me at Castle's parking spot."  He hung up and walked her down to his car, taking her back there.  He had no idea how she had gotten down to the station.  For all he knew, she might've run.  "Did you call anyone?"

"I tried when I got told by the doorman that he parked wrong and took up extra spots.  It rang in the car."  She looked at her phone, calling someone else.  "Tara, it's me.  Dad's missing.  Can I bum Xander?  He's late picking you up too?" she asked, looking at him.

He took the phone.  "Tara, how late is he?"  He listened, nodding.  "All right.  Meet me at Alexis's parking garage.  With her is fine, yes."  He hung up.  "Do we know if Xander has GPS on his car or phone?"

"He has that nice new phone," Alexis said.  He nodded, driving them to her house through traffic with the lights.  She was seriously worried.  She was fidgeting and twitching.  She knew something was wrong.  "Do you think it's one of Xander's bad girls?"

"No idea yet.  We'll see."  She nodded.  "Calm down.  We need you a bit calm for now.  Tara's going to want to panic and we need you to calm her down too."

"I can do that," she assured him, twitching again.

"It'll be okay.  Remember, your dad and Xander are both survivors."  She nodded quickly.  He pulled into the garage and parked, getting out with her.  "Yeah, that's parked wrong," he said, seeing it halfway pulled in and across two parking spots.  It looked like they had caught him pulling into his spot.  The doorman came over and the detective pulled his badge, getting a smile.  "We have no idea where he is.  Do we have cameras down here?"

"Yes, Detective.  I'll have them pulled."

"Beckett's coming too," Alexis told him quickly.  "Can you tell Grandma, Paul?"

"I can do that, Alexis.  I'm sure he's fine."

She nodded and started to pace.  Tara and Brandy showed up first.  "Tara!"  She pounced her to hug.  "Dad's missing."

Tara sighed, pulling up an app on her really expensive phone that Xander had spoiled her with to type into it.  "Xander's phone is in midtown."  Esposito looked over her shoulder then called that in.  She smiled.  "Thank you."

"Something's clearly wrong."  He walked off talking.  "Ryan's going to check on his car, Tara."  She nodded quickly, holding Brandy's hand while hugging Alexis.  "We'll find them.  You guys know that Xander would kill whoever took him even if Castle didn't."  They all nodded.  Beckett showed up with a cup of coffee, staring at the car.  "Xander may be missing too."

"Okay," she said.  "Anything of note yet?"

"Sixteen gauge needle in the backseat but it's locked.  Alexis, do you have the spare keys?"

"I have my own set."  She got free and ran to the elevator so she could get them.

Becket looked at Tara.  "Where was Xander last?"

"Ryan's looking for his car," he reported.  "She found it by GPS'ing his phone."

"Even better."  She came over to look things over.  "CSU?"

"Waiting on you," he reported.  He called that request in while she got gloves and looked the car over.  He hung up.  "They're on their way.  So is auto to tow the car to the garage."  His phone rang with a text picture.  "Xander's car is wrecked.  Clearly an accident."  He showed them.  Tara stifled a sob.  "I've seen people walk away perfectly unharmed from worse," he assured Tara.

She sighed.  "His airbag is broken!" she complained.  "When the car got broken into last month they stabbed it and it won't come out."

"He's still probably fine, girls," Beckett said calmly.  CSU pulled in.  She pointed.  "Get the needle for testing."  Alexis came off the elevator with the keys.  Her grandmother was following.  "Let's go over where we know they were last," she ordered.  She walked them off to talk to them.  Something was seriously wrong here.

Espsoito helped, they were calming down and he was good at keeping them calm.  Even Martha, who was getting a bit frantic.

Beckett was starting to growl.  This was not a good thing.  Tara was promising to do a location spell but her girlfriend was giving her worried looks about her growling.

***

Xander was woken by a touch to his sore ankle, glaring at the woman standing there.  "I'm going to fuck up your world," he growled.

"I didn't not make you crash."

"Uh-huh."  He made himself sit up.  "Where's Rick?"

"In the bathroom.  Would you like help there?"

"No."  He got up and limped out, heading for where he could hear water running.

"There's one this way," she offered.  He grunted his thanks as he limped that way.  "Are you sure you wouldn't like some help, Alexian?  I mean, that has to hurt."

He stared at her.  "I've had worse from one night stands."  She blushed and ducked her head, scurrying off.  He found the bathroom, after her room.  And her wallet, which gave him their address, her name, and that they were in the middle of BFE Maine.  How in the hell did they get to Maine?  He took a quick shower, checked himself for more injuries, and availed himself of an ace bandage for his ankle.  He avoided looking at his face because it looked like he had been beaten by a pimp.  Yes, he would know what that looked like but it wasn't intentional and that's all he'd ever admit to on that subject.  When he realized his mental babble was back, he hoped she had caffeine.  He got out of the bathroom and limped back toward civilization.  Kinda.  She was making tea.  "Caffeine?"

"I have tea, Alexian."

Rick looked up.  "You really do look rough."  Xander shrugged and sat down, accepting the tea with a nod.  "He's a hardcore caffeine addict," he warned with a smile.  "So, how did we end up here?"

"Oh, you had car crashes."  She smiled.  "I rescued you from the bad girls that wanted to keep you."

They shared a look then looked at her.  "Thank you," Xander said.  "Where are we?"  He sipped and choked, handing the tea cup back.  "Oh, god, is that hemlock?"  She gaped in awe.  He stared.  "Yeah, kinda had some before, sweetie?  Are we in Maine?"  Her awe got deeper.  He stared back, arms on the table.  "Are you a demon or a human?"

"Human," she said weakly.  "How did you know it was Maine?"

"The trees," Rick said.  "Xander hunts in a lot of places."  Xander nodded.  "We need to get in touch with people.  My daughter and mother will be worried sick.  Do you have our phones?"

"No, sorry.  They didn't have them, Mr. Castle."  He sighed.  "And I don't have a home phone.  I have a prepaid one and I'm out of minutes for the month."

"Is my wallet here?" Xander asked.

"No, they didn't have that either that I saw.  Sorry."  She bounced off to make them food since Xander was so picky.  She bounced back with bowls of cold cereal and milk.  "So, did you guys really not write that dual authors mystery?"  They stared at her, shaking their heads.  "Shoot, I know that some people wanted another."  She bounced off again.  "I have to go to the store.  I'll see if I can find a phone there.  It's a really small town.  Bye."  She fled before they could ask for anything.

Xander sniffed his cereal and ate a bite, nodding.  "No poisons that I can taste."  They ate and went to search the house.  The cellphone they found was unpowered and had no minutes.  Their wallets weren't anywhere.  Rick looked over hers.  There wasn't a charger for the phone.  It wouldn't stay on for more than a second before powering off.  So they had to think about things.  It was cold outside.  There was snow.

They couldn't find their shoes or see the nearest town through the windows.  The wind outside was nasty and bitter.  So they were basically stuck.  They found their original clothes washed and put them on instead of the scrubs she had laid out for them.  Rick checked Xander's ankle but it was fine for now.  Xander stared at Rick, getting a stare back.  "Got any clue beyond hiking out tonight?" he asked quietly.

"No, not really."  He sat beside him.  "Though I'm having _Misery_ flashbacks really hard. By now someone should have missed us and reported us missing."

"If she did rescue us from someone else, that might blur the trail," Xander said.  He listened.  "She's back."  They went to talk to her.  She handed them a few bags of whole wheat bread and vegetables.  Nothing with caffeine.  She was going to be really sorry when Xander started to bite.  Rick too probably.  Unfortunately.  They stared at her.

"The sheriff wasn't in his office.  I guess he went home for the night," she said.  "I tried but there was no one there."

"Then you can give us a ride into town tomorrow," Rick said with a smile.  "That way he's probably going to be there."

"Maybe."  She fixed them a decent dinner and left them alone for a while, going to play on her computer.  She had solitaire and it was her thinking friend.  This wasn't as easy as she had thought it'd be.

Rick and Xander both looked at their dinners and grimaced but ate it.  It wasn't poisoned.  It wasn't good, but it was food and they'd need food if they had to hike off from Misery's vegan cousin.

***

Beckett got the report on the needle's contents, and the one from Xander's car.  The same sort of drug.  Slightly different, one was the generic and one wasn't.   They found some evidence that showed whoever had pulled them out of the car had gotten a lot of blood from Xander's probable broken nose on them.  They had left little bits of leaves so they were looking at what type they were in case that helped with something.  Right now though, they were all stressed and worrying.  When Captain Montgomery showed back up he looked worried too.  "We have very little," she reported.

Tara looked up from her staring at a map with a crystal in her hand.  "He's not in the city.  He was but he's been gone for over three hours."  They all stared at her.  "You leave a bit of resonance where you were."

"That's not enough to get us a search warrant," Beckett said.

"We can go ask, be casual," Ryan offered.

"Then pounce when they screw up," Esposito agreed.

She nodded, grabbing her jacket.  "Stay," she told Tara.  Tara relaxed and nodded, then got up to clean the break room on them.  Which they'd appreciate a lot.  Especially if she also went to clean the bathrooms for them.  And maybe the locker rooms too.  They got to the address Tara had pinpointed and it was still a mess.  The fire had been put out.  They stared.  The fire crew chief walked over to them.  Beckett held up her badge.  "We had a tip stating two kidnaped males were here, Chief."

He shook his head.  "Three girls.  We did find evidence of a room to hold people in," he said, leading her that way.  "It's still a touch warm but you can walk through."  They nodded, following carefully to the back room area.  Sure enough there was a room with padded walls and two metal chairs with broken handcuffs.  One of the cuffs on each was missing.  They looked around then at him.  "We have no idea beyond it being arson and it smelled like a gas fire."

Beckett called in CSU.  That was not a good thing.

"So, if the guys weren't here, did the person who started the fire rescue them and they're in hiding?" Ryan asked.

"No," Esposito said, shaking his head.  "The warehouse's alarm system hasn't been touched today.  I logged in to check on that."

Beckett nodded.  "Castle would've called us, if his family didn't, as soon as he was out of danger."

"So they're not here in the city," Ryan said.  "Think we can get Tara a bigger map?"

"Yup," she said.  "I'm sure her library has one."  She looked at the fire chief, who looked confused.  "Two authors got taken earlier.  We think they had them here and now we can't figure out where to look for them.  One's roommate is a Wicca sort."

"Ah!"  He nodded with a grin.  "Sometimes they do have hunches."

"I'm hoping so.  Anything you find out, let me know please?"  She handed over her card.

"Of course."  He watched them go, shaking his head.  "Their job's so much harder than ours."  He went back to check on the arson investigator's progress.  "Detective said that room probably held two authors who're missing.  She called in CSU for you."

"That'll help," he agreed.  "They can get things processed faster."  That got a nod and they got back to work.  This wouldn't be the only fire in the city that night.  Unfortunately.

***

Tara looked at the map.  "Maine," she announced.  "Rural Maine."  They found her a better map and she did the locating thing again.  This time it pinpointed a county.  That gave them a place to start, though the State Police didn't want to work with them all that much.  Tara was still made to stay in the city and act like nothing was going on.  For now.  Brandy was helping her stay calm and take care of the cats.  Paula had Xander's laptop already, just in case.  Tara was cleaning everything in sight to stay calm.  Mostly magically but she was doing a bit of scrubbing physically as well.

Because this totally sucked!

***

Xander woke up the next morning to the sight of snow.  A lot of snow.  And it being cold.  Rick was in the next bed shivering.  Xander checked.  The window was cracked so he fixed it with some tape he found.  Then he got Rick up and they went to check on their hostess.  No strange, creepy female.  No car.  No electric.  Xander looked out and sighed, going to find something resembling boots so he could check the meter.  He knew how to hotwire one if necessary.  He came back in twenty minutes later stamping his good foot.  "It was shut off at the meter.  Not officially but off.  I checked the water too, turned it back on.  And the gas."  He sat down in one of the kitchen chairs.

"Thankfully you know all that construction stuff," Rick said.  "Any other indications we were left here to die?"

"Letter in the mailbox," he said, handing it over.  Rick stared at the short note saying she was moving.  "We should scrawl another one to say that we're trapped out here."

"We should," Rick said, finding a pen and some paper to do that.  Xander took it back out there and put up the flag before limping back in.  The boots hadn't fit Rick so he had to wait inside.  They settled in because they had some food.  And Rick had miraculously found some coffee.  Really old stale coffee.  They warmed up and went to check her room.  All her clothes were gone.  All her girl stuff was gone.

Xander found something in a drawer and looked at it.  "Charger," he announced.

Rick plugged it in and the phone on it.  He waited a minute then called 911, getting an out of service message.  "We're in one of the few areas where there isn't one."

"Dial the operator?" Xander offered.  He took it to do that.  It brought him to a customer service rep.  "Ma'am, we're stranded in a cabin in the middle of Maine and could use a bit of help but 911 isn't working out here," he said.  "Is there any way you can alert someone for us?"  He sat on the bed, listening to her.  "No, ma'am, this phone was left without minutes in the place our kidnaper left us.  Yes, she was.  I don't know," he admitted.  "The last I knew I was in New York City.  Please?"  She handed the call to a manager because she didn't want to deal with it.  Rick took over, pacing a little bit while they talked.  Then they settled in to wait when the supervisor said she'd call the NYPD for them and report that information.  Including the phone number where they were.  It probably had GPS.  She had talked Rick over how to turn it back on.   Then they went to eat breakfast and stare at the snow coming down really hard.

***

Beckett grabbed her desk phone when it rang.  "Beckett."  She listened.  "Please do," she agreed.  She took down notes.  "Maine, okay, we knew that part.  Yes, please if you can give me the GPS coordinates and the phone number?"  That was given over.  "Thank you.  Yes, they are kidnaping victims.  Thank you, ma'am."  She hung up.  "Got a GPS.  She's flagged the number so it can't be switched to another phone."  Ryan took it to look up and they stared at the local weather forecast video.  "A blizzard, great."

"Who called?" the captain asked as he joined them.

"A customer service manager for the phone's company.  Apparently it was out of minutes when it was left for them.  Whoever took them from the original kidnapers, and Castle called her a vegan cousin to Misery, abandoned the place they're in."

"Which is having a blizzard," Esposito noted.

"Can we get hold of the local officers?" the captain asked.

"They didn't want to listen," Beckett said.  She grabbed some things.  "I'm heading up there.  Blizzard or not."  They nodded, letting her go.  "Tell Tara we found them."

"Yup, sure will," Ryan agreed, calling her to calm her down.  Then Alexis to calm her down.  They settled in to figure out how they could help from their desks.  This was not going to be a happy reunion.  "Would a vegan have coffee?" he suddenly asked.  The captain gave him an odd look.  "Harris is a caffeine whore, he calls himself that."

"I'm hoping they have some.  If not, he might bite," the captain sighed.  "But he'll apologize since she's rescuing them."  He went to call uptown to let them know that they had been located, even if it was a bit problematic.

***

Tara joined Beckett that night.  "What sort of problems are we having?" she asked.

"Weather related.  Are you a detective too?" the State Police Chief asked with a smile.

"No, I'm Tara.  I'm from the Sunnydale team."  He shuddered.  "How far away are we?"

"Three days from the end of the storm," Beckett said.  "We can't get there in these conditions."

"I don't know much weather magic," she admitted.  "I can look it up."  She pulled out her phone to do that, talking to Willow and Wesley at the same time.  If anyone knew something about the problem, they might.  "Aw, Miranda started to babble the other day instead of moan."

Beckett smiled at her.  "That's always fun."

"She'll be walking in a few months.  Willow's hating that though.  She wants a cuddly thing."

"She can have more."

"She knows.  She might.  She's not sure they can afford another one since Daniel won't let her hack the mafia sorts any more."  They didn't have much on weather magic to abate a blizzard.  They'd look it up and call later.

***

Rick and Xander both stared at the phone when it rang.  Rick answered it.  "Tell me we're being rescued?" he begged.  He put it on speaker and plugged back in the charger.

"Ryan thoughtfully added some minutes to the phone," Beckett reported.  "He said you owe him twenty bucks when we finally escape the blizzard.  Tara's saying that it's moving our way so we're not sure if we'll be able to get out for a few days ourselves.  Do you guys have food?"

"Yeah, we have some," Xander told her.  "She got us whole wheat crap and veggies.  There's very little coffee."

"We're going insane.  We've even stooped to writers games."  Xander whimpered. "How long do you think?" Rick asked.

"Within two days your part of the blizzard is supposed to end," she said.  "But it's coming our way so we may be trapped for a bit."

"Tara, do the wind thing to shift it," Xander said.  Beckett repeated that to her.  She apparently went to try it.

"Wow, it shifted the local wind.  She's trying higher up and it's working some too.  The clouds are moving on.  She'll work on it after the phone call she just got.  Xander, try not to bite Castle for the lack of caffeine."

"I'll try," he sighed.  "When we get home, I'm *so* having the hugest meat platter I can find, even if Tara does scowl at me."

"I'm sure you will," she agreed dryly.  "We'll try to be there shortly after the storm ends.  How are you two doing beyond that?"

"She had turned off the utilities but Xander got them back on," Rick told her.  "We have no shoes.  We found a pair of her boots that Xander could fit but I couldn't.  His ankle's broken but he's managing it well, and the bruises."

"He had a car crash.  They darted him as he was driving and he hit the corner of a building.  She burned the people who had you."

"She packed up and left in the middle of the night," Xander said.  "Including leaving a note in the mailbox that she was moving."

"All right.  Do we know anything about her?"  Rick recited what was on her license.  "Got it.  You guys sit tight.  Use a single text to make people quit worrying please.  Your mother has started to call every few minutes, Castle."  She hung up.

Rick did send his daughter and mother a text message each.  He looked at Xander.  "I saw what looks like a root cellar sort of basement on the west wall.  Want me to squeeze into the boots and go check?"

"With our luck it'll house torture equipment but I can."

"You need to stay off your ankle."  He went to get the boots and heavy overshirts they had so he could go outside.  It was bitterly cold but they needed to know.  They only had food for the next three days.  He managed to get the things open and made it inside, which meant it was warmer and damper but without wind.  He found the overhead bulb and turned it on, staring at the heads on the walls.  "Huh."  He looked.

The stuff in the freezer was bad.  It smelled bad.  He couldn't find anything that didn't smell bad.  The whole basement smelled like rotten meat and it was seriously making his head hurt.  He found one thing and looked.  A really old half bottle of Mountain Dew.  He found the taxidermy supplies.

He found a locked room and looked.  Squashes and other root vegetables.  He found the latch to the kitchen and opened it from there, startling the kid.  "We have root veggies and a lot of very spoiled meat."  He handed off the bottle.  "It's been down here forever it looks like by the dust."

"So any germs are probably dead."  He carefully slid down the ladder to look.  "Are these still good?"

Rick thumped, nodding.  "Probably.  We can try a few of them.  They carried them upstairs.  Xander had carefully cleaned off the bottle and sniffed it, grimacing.  "Is it soda?"

"Maybe.  I can't be real sure."  He put it in the fridge for now.  He went back down to look and found something.  "She dried some."

"It still smelled off."

"Maybe I have a cold then."  He kept looking, finding something.  He found the skull.  He came back up and called.  "Beckett, Xander.  I found a human skull in her root cellar.  A lot of rotten meat, some animal heads, and a skull behind the taxidermy equipment.  Yup.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "I'm sure the local officers are going to swear."

"Probably."  He split one of the melons, staring at it.  "A bit dried out but still good."  Xander relaxed.  That solved some of the food problems.  Rick managed food and they sat down to nibble.   It wasn't the most tasty thing he'd ever made but it was okay.  They could survive on it.

***

Beckett hung up on the second call.  "Harris found a human skull in their root cellar."  The liaison officer moaned, shaking his head.  "And a lot of spoiled meat."

"Damn it."

"He also found taxidermy equipment."

"Even better."  He sighed.  "Weather reports are saying if we move tonight we'll have a day stranded on the way there but if we don't move tonight we'll be stranded for the next week probably."  She nodded, going to gather Tara, who was moving the storms away from them.  He followed.  The clouds whipping past was a pretty sight.  "Will that hurt somewhere else?"

"It'll move it on faster but it shouldn't.  There's a huge stalled spot closer to the coast and it'll make that move on so they might get a less severe storm and it'll stall out over the ocean again."  She looked at him.  "I got a head's up from someone else with visions and he told me where to move it to."

"That's fine then.  As long as it won't hurt anyone."

She shook her head.  "It shouldn't."  He smiled.  "I am the ethical one of the two on the team," she said quietly.

"You are and we've always liked that about you," Beckett said to calm her down.  "We're going tonight."

"I've done all I can anyway.  It can have longer reaching effects if I leave it too long."  They went to the officer's Jeep SUV.  Tara was praying for strength.  This could be really bad.  "We'll need caffeine for Xander."

"He'll be fine for a few minutes," Beckett promised.  Tara nodded.  "They've had some light coffee rations."

"Oh, good.  Otherwise he'd be at the painful stage of chewing on people for lack of it.  I'd hate it if he made Rick cry."

Beckett looked back at her.  "I doubt he could."

Tara looked at her.  She shook her head.  "I don't."

"He'll be fine."  She nodded, accepting that.

***

Back in New York, the minions were having an argument about a case.  They had no idea how to deal with the thing that Faith said was a soul eater.  She had popped up to warn them and taken them when she went to defeat them and free their food stores.  But one of the teenagers was possessed.  They had no idea how to handle that.  Faith mentally sighed and whistled.  "Get the guy who treated Red or T's aunt's coven?  You'll probably need both."

One called the store, the other called the Church Xander had told him to call.  "Is Father Morgan there please?" Ryan asked politely, walking a bit away.  "Father...  No, actually I needed the other Father Morgan, Father.  No, I'm a police detective and I have a clearly possessed person here actually.  Well, the person I'd normally call is trapped in Maine for a while.  Please."  He put him on hold and got the other one.  Who had a much deeper, booming voice.

"Father Morgan, Detective Ryan, 12th Precinct.  I'm with the slayer Faith helping her stop some soul eaters so we can free their pantry of teenagers.  We have one that jumped into one of the teens.  Exactly, yes.  We're calling Tara's aunts' coven to come help if that'll be okay?"  He smiled at his partner, who nodded.  He read off the address.  "Thank you.  Basement.  We'll do that."  He hung up.  "He said put a salt ring around her?"

Faith nodded, looking around.  "What salt?"

"Good point."  He called in that they had the kids that needed transported and he needed salt.  "No, rock salt, sea salt, just salt.  Thanks."  He hung up.

Esposito hung up.  "Her aunt's on her way."  Faith nodded.  They went to help with the other teenagers.  They were all shaken and quiet, huddling together.  "C'mon, busses are coming for you guys."  Officers came down the stairs.  "Salt to the pretty brunette helping us.  Ambulances for these ones."  They got that going and CSU coming too.  He stopped one pointing at the pile of dirty shadow in a corner.  "The slayer we have called it a soul eater," he said quietly.

"Okay.  So the kids were snacks."  He nodded.  "That other one?"

"One jumped into him.  We have people coming to deal with it."

"Okay."  He moved to the cells first.  They could shovel those things into a bag later on as long as they didn't come back to life.

Ryan went upstairs.  "Guys, we're expecting an older lady and a priest," he said quietly.  They nodded, letting him go back to handle everything else.   The priest got there first, as they were pouring the salt lines.

"You didn't travel with any?" he guessed.

"Had no idea we should," Esposito admitted.

"I've heard it can help with spirit things," Faith admitted.  "That's not something they teach us girls.  For that, ask the hotty brothers that B wants to pounce hard."

The priest stared at her.  "You're not the slayer."

"I am one of the two of us," she said smugly.  "Faith."

"We heard."  He shook her hand.  "You are...."

"Of course.  I'm on assignment here actually."

"Good.  The locals could use the asskicking sometimes.  What happened exactly?"  Tara's aunt came down the stairs.  "Ma'am."

"Black Morgan.  How did they find you?"

"Xander," Faith said.  "He helped Red."

"Ah!  So that's who kicked Willow around until she straightened out again."  They got to work on the poor thing.  She was doing containment and helping support the body magically so it wouldn't be destroyed while he did the exorcism.  "Three times and they're stuck for good," she reminded him.

"I remember."  He got back to the first attempt.  He had moved into the oldest exorcism they had and the strongest.   The officers were watching.  A lot of smoky crud came out of him and he choked.  Tara's aunt helped him so he wouldn't choke to death.  He tested him with holy water.  "I got most of it I believe but we'll need better containment."  Faith killed the smoke with something.  "Pretty."

"My birthday present from boytoy."  She smirked.  "Can we move this to the coven?  Would that help?"

"It would," he agreed.  He looked at her.

"We wouldn't mind working with you, Father.  You're not the sort to burn those of us who're good."

"Then we shall.  We need to transport them safely."

"We kept an ambulance waiting," the officer watching from the doorway said.  He waved them in and they went with the poor kid. He looked at Ryan and Esposito.  "Is that you guys' job now, Detectives?"

"No," they said in unison.

"We're subs.  Harris is out of town on a kidnaping," Ryan said dryly.  "Faith," he said with a nod at her.  "Trusts us because Harris did over a few girlfriend issues he had."

"Huh.  Okay.   So is it call Harris or the library still?"

"That's fine," Faith agreed.  She wrote hers on his hand.  "Prepaid and all but that's actually my full job, not theirs."  He grinned.  She pinched him on the cheek.  "I'd break you but you look tasty."

He blushed.  "My wife thinks so too, miss.  I'll let that be quietly known."  He left.  It was an unofficially known thing that some people dealt with those sort of issues and who did it.  Since those two were subs they were probably on the early end of the training.

Faith looked around before setting fire to the demonic remains.  "There, a pretty bonfire."  They burned themselves out and the CSU gave her a horrified look.  "We don't need 'em back, people."  She walked off.  "Thanks, boys, it was fun."

"Thanks for letting us know," Ryan said, waving at her back.  He looked at his partner.  "Minimum of paperwork and a beer?"

"Or six," he agreed, walking off.  Ryan followed.  They could seriously use the beer.

The CSU people finished up fairly quickly, hoping to find traces of other missing teenagers.  The city had all together too many of them.

***

They had to stop overnight to let the storm pass over them, and Beckett put it on the NYPD charge account.  She could turn in the papers for that.  Her captain had agreed.  Tara was clearly up all night pacing.  Or she'd had a fight with her girlfriend.  She looked exhausted.  They made it to the house a few hours after they could leave, finding it quiet.

Xander opened the door.  "Save us, oh great heroic woman sorts?" he called.  "Before I bite him!  He's going into Dad mode and stuff!"

"Shut up, Xander."  Rick came to the door too.   "We have plastic bags for the short walk over the snow."

Tara handed over socks.  "He doesn't have winter boots I could find."

"I usually wear hiking boots if I need to," Rick muttered.  They put on the heavy socks, the plastic bags and Tara helped Xander out to the SUV.  Rick followed after closing the door.  They settled into the back with Tara between them.  "Okay, we're good."

"Did she leave a note saying she was moving?" the officer asked.

"In on the table so we could glare at it," Xander said.  "We left one in the post box."  He checked, the flag was still up.

Beckett shook her head.  "No clue."  She went to get that one.  The officer got the other note.  "Which way was she heading?"

"Back toward town and then the highway if she was local.  If not, same way but she wouldn't know about the shortcut to the closer on-ramp.  We can check."  They got back in and she turned to look at them.  "You two need medical care?" he asked.

"My ankle's not swollen and I bummed an ace bandage that first night to wrap it.  The snow packs have helped the bruising a lot too."

Beckett nodded.  "Your car looks bad too."

"Figures.  How did she get us up to Maine so fast?"

"She said she wasn't demonic," Rick agreed.

"No clue," Tara admitted.  "I couldn't find any residual magic anywhere."  She hugged Xander, getting a cuddle back.  "You're chilly."  The officer turned up the heat as he drove off.  She looked.  "There's a car over the edge," she said with a point.  They backed up to look.

Rick got out to look.  "That's her."  He got back in.  "She's dead."

"Not an issue I care about," Xander admitted.  He blinked a few times.  She snuggled in harder and he soaked up her warmth.

The officer called that in and that the root cellar had a reported skull and a lot of rotten meat.  That got the locals out there to check on things.  He went to talk to the local sheriff, who said no one had lived there for years.  Apparently he was wrong.  He took her information from the license and her crash scene too.  Their liaison officer got back in and drove them back to the local state police station.  Beckett arranged things to get them home and Xander treated to dinner that night.  Including a huge plate of meat and as much soda as he could inhale.  He'd be sick later but oh well.  Rick was enjoying a good steak too.

They'd survived, creeped each other out, and then gotten better.  Which meant they could now push back at the people who thought they might be closer than their mentor relationship.

***

Epilogue:

***

Xander walked up to Rick six weeks later, patting him with the envelope.  "Paula has me running errands for her."

"What's that?"

"Your last royalty check, though she said it's only the deposit ticket because she had it sent to the bank for you."  He stared at him.

"Why are you doing that?"

"She made me and I am a slave to the woman who pays me," he said dryly.  "Also because there's IRS agents all over the office and apparently her holding our checks is bad for them."

"Oh."  He took it to look at.  "She even sent it to the right account, I'm impressed."  He put it into his back pocket.  "It's weird she has you doing it like you're the wife," he said dryly.

"I had to pick up one of mine and I had to refute that I could bring your poker buddy that we share her with theirs.  She wants you to call him by the way.  She quipped I was the nicer sort who could be a fluffy housewife."

"Why are they being audited?" Beckett asked casually.

"One of the other people in the office embezzled," Xander said dryly.  "Or so she hissed.  She said if they caught her holding checks for more than a week she could get into trouble."  Rick walked off calling them.  "Hence her using me like I'm the girlfriend or something."  He shrugged.  "That other one is coming out next month," he called after him.  "The higher ups said so."  He walked off.  His errands were done and he had to deposit the check and pay the phone bill.  Plus help Tara move her dresser to the new apartment she and Brandy were sharing.  And he needed to pick up new kitty toys for their spoiled horde of cats.  Brandy being allergic meant he got to keep them all.

Beckett shook her head.  Rick came back.  "She okay?"

"She's fine.  He's laughing that she wanted Xander to be the courier.  Had a whole 'Xander does espionage' thought."  He sat down.  "Did you hear, the girls are moving in together."

"Alexis?" Ryan asked.

"Tara," he corrected.  "She and Brandy have a nice place near the library, which is in a semi-bad neighborhood.  I'm told Xander's already broken the arm of one mugger who was trying Brandy."  He smirked.  "So they're moving this weekend."

"Who's getting custody of the cats?" Esposito asked.

"He is.  Brandy's allergic."  The guys smirked and Ryan collected five bucks.  "Tara might get her way and get a puppy though."  Beckett snickered. "So we'll get to see Xander start dating again."

"I'll make sure I have that form saved so we only have to redo certain parts," Esposito said, getting into the last one to save it down as a template.

"His current one is into something but I can't figure out what," Rick told him.

Ryan was calling.  "Xander, buddy, who're you dating?" he asked.  He listened.  "Why are you dating a smuggler and tell me it's not drugs?"  He apparently snorted and reminded him he hated drugs.  "Good, so weapons, jewels, or people smuggling?"  He made notes.  "Interesting.  Does she know you're telling us?"  He smirked at his partner.  "That's fine.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "She dared him to tell us she's smuggling information and the occasional weapon or jewels.  Sometimes art.  Apparently it's more exciting for her and she goes to interrupt his muses more often in a better way when she's got that bit of excitement."

"Name?" Beckett asked dryly.  He handed it over.  They got into her profile and talked to the people in Robbery, which irked Castle because Demming got to show back up.

Later that night they showed up at Xander's to bust her, Castle having handed over his emergency key.  They snuck in and heard her squealing and 'oh, Xander'ing over and over.

Xander looked back.  "Give me a few."  He finished her off and let himself get off then sighed.  "There."  He grinned.  "Dear, you wanted a vacation?"

She smiled, waving limply at them.  "I'll tell you about the CIA guy who had me smuggling fake art if you help me change identities, Beckett."

She stared at her.  "We'll see.  Get dressed."  She tossed her something.  She got up and put it on, and stepped into her heels, winking at Xander before they cuffed her and walked her out.  "You could've just told us."

"Then they would've known."  She smirked once they were outside the building.  "Xander's rep is very good but I had no idea he was *that* good to his ladies.  I might have to come back and hit that again."  She let herself be put into the car.

The officers came out.  "Are we arresting him?" the lead officer asked.

"No, we can't arrest him for dating," Beckett said.  "Even if he does date deadly things."  They pouted.  "It's a well known problem.  We're trying to find him someone a little bit dangerous but nice to stay with for a while."

"She's nicer than his last one," Esposito pointed out dryly.  "That one killed four people."

"True.  This one hasn't killed anyone in New York yet."  The others moaned.

"We have forms about his dating as a template," Ryan quipped with a grin.  The others went back to their truck and drove off.  He got into the back, they got into the front, and it was another night of interrogation and planning.  Using the kid that way wasn't nice but Xander probably knew and clearly took the time to enjoy it.

The End.

Out-take 5: Alternating Xanders

A different Xander drops in for an unexpected visit and helps this Xander relax and deal with some issues while still maintaining his Xander-ness.

Xander looked up as a flash went off, staring at the man standing in front of his desk.  "Huh," he said quietly.  "Hi, me.  How're you today?"  He looked at his laptop, saved what he was working on, and sent a quick email to Tara before shutting it down.  He put it into the fireproof safe and stared at the older, one-eyed him.  That him was wearing a casual pair of dress pants and a nice button-up shirt.  Plus dress shoes.  So apparently he was going to do something important.  "You know, it's good one of us made it to that age," he said bluntly.

That Xander shook himself free, looking around then at his younger self.  "This is really weird."

"Well, yeah, but I've seen other mes before.  Especially thanks to Willow."  He grinned.  "So, sit.  Take a load off."

"The Secret Service have got to be freaking out," he said as he sat down with a sigh.  He put his feet up in a free chair.  "As a warning, if you eat steak anytime that there's a chance to get elected for something, you will be.  I'm sharing this because no one shared with me until it was too late."

Xander looked confused.  "I take it I don't write there?"

"No.  I was helping back up all the slayers until I got voted VP."  The younger Xander choked.  "Yeah, that was my feeling but the nurses kept sedating me so I'd quit swearing."  He shifted.  "Eight years of that and then they still wouldn't let my ass go."  He heard a knock.  "Should I get that."  The younger one nodded and waved a hand since he was still coughing.  He got up and went to answer the door, smiling at the handsome guy on the other side.  "Hi, gorgeous."

"You're not the scary Xander at least," he said, staring at him.  "Don't let his cats out."

Xander looked down.  "Go nap," he ordered.  Two ran off.  He gathered the other two.  "I didn't know we liked cats.  I have St. Bernards," he told the cats he was holding.  "They're big, slobbery things that love us."  He put them on the couch and looked at the man, who he noticed was wearing a detective's badge.  "If the Secret Service somehow find a way to follow me, you have to tell them it was not my idea.  Because it wasn't.  Really."

"Why would the Secret Service follow you?  Are you being arrested by them?" he asked.   With the last other Xander they had seen, that was possible.  That Xander pulled out his wallet and ID case, holding up his ID.  He read the address.  "Um, that's the White House."

"Don't remind me, dude, please.  I hate that place."  He walked off.  "We're back here."

"Sure," he said, calling the office.  "Hey, Beckett, it's not the scary Xander this time.  This one lives in DC, at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue."  He hung up on her choking as he followed the older Xander.  "So I take it you don't hunt anymore?"

"I backed up the massed slayer forces for years.  I got elected VP after an apocalypse battle.  They kept electing people that they thought would protect them.  I'm the last in that line hopefully."

The younger Xander was staring at him.  "Seriously?"

"Yeah.  O'Neill and Sheppard, then Sheppard and me, and now me and Lorne."  He shrugged.  "It's wacky but they feel safer."  He smirked.  "Do we not back up the slayers here?"

"Faith is New York's assigned slayer and I'm semi-retired to help her," Xander offered.  "Is that like all the slayers are activated like it is in the DCIS world Willow sent me to?"

"Yeah, all ours are.  Yours aren't?"

"No, I turned in a few cults with higher weapons to the FBI and they ended up shutting Sunnydale down.  So I semi-retired to up my book writing hobby to a well paying career that won't let me sleep."

"I got to travel a lot backing up the girls.  DCIS?"

Xander got up and got the first book to let him see it.  "They said I could write it."  He sat down again.  "Detective, should we be really cautious because of what he is?  That realm might have panicky fits if he's hurt."

"I'd say," he agreed.  "We can figure some things out."  He went to get the door since it sounded like detectives.  Beckett showed up with Castle.  That Xander sighed but pulled out his White House ID card too.

"There is one of you that got elected," Castle said, staring oddly at him.

"They felt safer."  He grinned.  "They elected me from a hospital bed.  Right after an apocalypse battle where I got some liver damage.  O'Neill laughed so damn hard that they had kept Sheppard."

"I know John.  And Jack O'Neill too," Xander admitted.  "They'd probably both cackle.  I should get you to tape video messages for them."  He grinned.  His older self grinned back.  "Rick, you need a new series, right?  He's a mystery writer and I write sci-fi."  He beamed.

Rick shook his head.  "Don't tempt my muses, Xander.  Please?"  The older one cackled, shaking his head.  "Though, please tell that general it's possible so they don't worry."

The older Xander waved a hand with a grin.  "I don't mind if one of you write it.  It's too insane to be anything but fantasy anyway."  He grinned at the female detective.  "My slayers would appreciate me having more female guards but none of them ever sign up and half of my regular ones think I'm too tough to guard.  It's horrifying the way they quit when I end up protecting them as well as myself."

She nodded.  "Yeah, you're not supposed to do that, sir."

"I'm a Xander.  Even there I'm a Xander."

"Nice to know that you haven't changed too much from this goofy one," Esposito said dryly.

"Nah, once a Xander always a Xander."  He winked at him.  "So, any idea how I got here?"

"I'm kinda shunned right now," their Xander admitted.  "There was an apocalypse start by getting me a lot of press and it kinda outed demon kind.  So they're really not happy with me."

"I can understand that."

"I can ask Faith to ask."  He called her.  "I know it's early for you but I just had an older me show up and he's from another realm.  No, a real one, Faith.  Come here please."  He hung up.  "She's still half asleep."  He called LA.  "Gunn, good, thank you for not making me talk to them.  I have an older Xander from somewhere else here in my office.  Yeah, as in.  Well, he probably needs to get back since he's the president.  Yes, as in of the United States," he said dryly.

Gunn clearly cackled by Xander's eye roll.  "They thought he'd protect them from demon problems, Gunn.  And you know, there's that ten percent that was trying to write Buffy in as the governor of California."  The older Xander cackled, shaking his head.  "Exactly.  Please, if you can find out.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "They'll ask their contacts in LA as well."  He sighed, leaning back.  "I have no idea if we're supposed to make sure you're overly guarded or what."

"Please!  I'm still a Xander and I can still take care of myself," he said with a smirk for his younger self.  "Years in Africa honed it to an artform."

"Wow, we went to Africa?"

"After Sunnydale fell in.  That other one with all the slayers, he didn't?"

"No, there was the start of a government agency to handle demon crimes.  He and all the slayers moved there to make it just, work right, and train the girls.  I got it right from them and haven't changed too much if you wanted to read some of it."

"I can do that later.  It's been a hell of a day of arguing with people who want me to be shallow.   I stupidly thought the Senate would've learned I wasn't that way as the VP but apparently they're channeling little kids again."  He shrugged.  "They do it all too often."

Rick nodded.  "Here too.  Xander, can he use Tara's room?"

"Yeah, not a problem."  He grinned.  His older self grinned back and he showed him in there.  He came back.  "That's why I emailed to ask."

"Make sure at least one of you is always with him," Beckett said calmly.  "That way he can't be attacked."  Xander nodded.  "Good.  Let me.... go scrub my brain."

"Be sure to tell your friends about this," Castle said with a smirk.  "That way they can fight being elected."  Xander gave him an evil smirk back.  They left together and Xander went to wait on Faith.  When she showed up, it had to be proved to her but then she walked out moaning and holding her head at the very thought of him being the president.  That was too weird, even for Sunnydale stuff.

***

The elder Xander found what he needed for video mail sending and recorded messages to each of the two idiot Air Force people that couldn't talk people out of keeping him.   Maybe he'd slip a word in someone's ear to encourage that thought here.  Jack had done good for the US.  So had John Sheppard.  It'd be a nice change from the usual politics.  As long as they didn't get him too.  Though the him here was a more undercover warrior, which was nice.  He looked him up on youtube and found some videos of him talking at conventions, him signing things, him reading chapters to groups, and a few daycares, and him in a battle.  He watched that one.  "Must be the LA invasion," he decided.  "They moved it."

"Going to the DCIS world let us know it'd happen beforehand so I told the right people who could hopefully stop it," Xander said absently while he wrote.

"Want to get out of the house?"

"Yes, but I need to finish this damn chapter.  Or else I'll lose it and then nothing will ever get published again."

Xander smiled, getting up to blow in his ear and whisper something.  The muses shut down with a grinding halt and the younger Xander moaned.  "Museum?  It's been a while since I've been to one."

The younger one beamed.  "I needed that.  Thank you!"  He hugged him.  "Let me shower and put on real clothes."  He jogged off to do that.  The older Xander bummed something to put on.  Once he was ready they went out together to explore the city.  Neither had really gotten a chance to.  The older had only been through the airport there.  The younger hadn't stopped writing often enough.  It was good for them.

***

Paula showed up and the older Xander opened the door for her.  "Halloween costume?" she guessed.

"I'm not him."  He smirked and let the door shut.

"Xander?" she called.  He bounced out and babbled at her.  She stared.  "Xander, brain bruising," she complained.  He stopped to stare at her, giving her the hurt puppy look.  She sighed.  "Book signing?  Did you forget?"

"It's not until Tuesday?"  He pointed at the large wall calendar he kept track of those things on.  "And it's not Tuesday."

She looked and updated it via her schedule.  That added three things, including one in about an hour.  He groaned, going to get ready.

The older Xander looked.  "Why is he going to a school?"

"To read to them."  She smiled.  "It's a multi-author project he signed up to help."

"It's good to get the kids to read," the younger Xander called from the bathroom.  "Why did you add a tv interview?"

"Because they begged really nicely and they'll pimp your book and Rick's newest book.  You're both going."

"Fine."

The older Xander winced at that sound.  She nodded she knew.  "Publicity is the payment for being on the top ten," she told him.

"Yeah, I have that same feeling about most speeches," he said dryly.  "What's today's?"

"A nice, simple signing at a comic shop he likes to hang out in sometimes.  They asked very nicely.  He spends large there so I didn't think he'd mind."

He shrugged.  "Maybe not."  He walked off.  "Afterward, let's get you some better t-shirts, Xan."

"I could use a few new ones.  I seem to have moths the size of kitten claws."  He came out dressed and got another overshirt.  She stared and he glared.  She smiled and left them alone.  He rolled his eyes.  "She makes me shop."

"That proves she's a woman," the older one said dryly, cracking his younger self up.  He handed over a different shirt, getting a grin and him putting on that t-shirt instead.  It was a comic t-shirt.  They left together.  The older Xander needed a few new comics and had managed to liquidate something tiny though the demon underground.  The fans there went nuts.  Older Xander watched how he handled it.  He was better at it than he was at political speeches.  Maybe that was the difference and he needed to be around more normal people again.  The guys who ran the comic shop stared at him in awe and he realized two were seer sorts of demons.  "Hi."

"How did you get here, sir?" one asked quietly.

"No clue.  But I'm being a very good boy."

"Good!"  They smiled and let him browse some of the better collections.  They noticed he was watching the crowd.  "We have protections," that one told him quietly.

"That's good but two in the line aren't peaceful but are human."  He nodded at them.  They were near his younger self.  "Let's hope it's a wannabe date."

Xander looked up at the next one, smiling.  "Ladies."

"Mr. Harris," one said, holding out a book for him to sign.  "Are you doing anything later?"

"Just talking to a relative that came a long ways to see me."  He gave them a smug look.

"Stop him!" someone shouted.

Xander looked.  The demon trying to get away from Dean was young.  "'Scuse me for a minute, people.  Let me go stop that."  He got up and walked out, letting the demon get behind him.  "Why are you hunting peaceful demons, Dean?"  He stared at him.

"Because that little shithead just tried to jack Sammy.  Has his wallet."

Xander glared at him, getting it handed to him.  "Go turn your ass in.  One of the elders is inside."  He pointed.  "Or I will."  He whimpered but went to tell the Elder on himself.  He tossed Dean the wallet.  "Downtown, in the daylight," he said, waving a hand around.  "Getting notice."

"I know," he growled.  "It has the spell for the next issue."

Xander raised an eyebrow then wrote out an address on Dean's arm.  "Tara's library and the restricted section they have."  Dean smirked at him.  "A whole donated collection of an occult house."

"That's cool.  We'll go hide there.  I see fans so you go do writer things."

"Yup."  He walked back inside, going to sit down.  He stared at that one, who was whimpering at the woman holding him.  "Tried to pickpocket a Winchester," he said when she got up there.

She snorted.  "He's young and stupid.  He has bad friends he was trying to prove himself to."

"Sam had the spell for the upcoming problem on him."

She glared at him.  "I did not know that!" he defended.

"Don't make the older me step in," he said in the common trade language, making the Elder look back and whimper.  "Yeah."  He signed it and grinned.  "Have a better day, Elder."

"You as well, Knight."  She left, taking the idiot child with her.

Xander grinned at the next one.  "Ooh, the bad girl book."  The others giggled at that.  He signed it and she got a kiss and a picture then bounced out.

***

Older Xander answered the door.  "Hi," he said.  "Xan?"

He looked.  "That's Dean and Sam's father.  We're fine with them still."  He let him in.  "Grab the gray cat."

"Homer," he called.  The cat came rushing back.  The other sneaky one had to be gotten off the elevator.  Then he came back in.  "We have to train you like I did my St. Bernards, kitty cat."  He sat down and they all pounced him to play with him.  He threw a few mice and they got happier.  One wanted petted and that was fine.

John Winchester stared then at the younger Xander.  Clearly something was going on.  "Huge problems?"

"We're not sure why he traveled.  Are you staying for dinner?  I can make more."

"No, thanks, kid.  Does Tara know what's in that collection?"

"Yeah.  She sealed two of the books."  He smirked.

John sighed.  "They're dangerous."

"All knowledge is dangerous because you could use even the simplest knowledge for harm."

"Good point.  Maybe."

"I can guarantee you if someone touches the library, Tara's going to destroy them and we'll just have to stand there and clap."  He pulled down some croutons.  "I have no idea what she did to some hunter bitch that wanted to burn the whole room down but after two minutes Tara walked her out sobbing and begging for mercy to the nice detectives I work with."  He grinned.  "I showed up to check on Tara and when she spotted me she sent off on a loud wail of 'he'll get me too'.  She's still probably sedated in Brookhaven."

"I'll check on her."

"There's three up there.  We found a fourteen-year-old hunting."  He gave him a pointed look.  "He's not on meds but he's getting a lot of talk therapy about how demons took out his family.  It's a city-wide pilot program since the invasion to help those kids not hunt.  They asked me to talk to him once about what hunting really was.  He doesn't have it in him to do it.  I spotted one that did and got her to someone who could mentor her stupid ass."

"Claudia?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, Sam and Dean ran into her mentor.  You're right, she's a hell of a hunter."  Xander grinned and nodded.  "The other?"

"Claimed the voices in her head were why she was stalking me."  He brought dinner out to the table.  The cats all came over.  "Oh, no.  We're not dining with furry people.  Go take a nap."  He moved them into the bedroom then came back.  "What did the two earlier want?"

"They were going to try to thump your ass," John admitted.  "Then they said they spotted an older, wiser you."  That Xander smirked at him.  "How?"

"No clue," he admitted with a small shrug.  "But it's nice.  It's the most fun I've had for years."

"Do you actually get to club from the White House?" Xander asked him.  John choked and spluttered.

"There's a few ultra discreet clubs.  I don't go anymore because of Ezra unless he wants to go out."

"That's gotta be bad.  Hold on, Ezra.  Works on an ATF team Ezra?"  Older Xander smirked and nodded.  "I met him at a book signing out in Denver.  He was complaining that it was his day off from his highly overprotective ATF team's grasp of strangulation on his life when someone called him."  He shook his head.  "Small damn world."

"Very."  He grinned.  "I'm going to marry that man some year soon."

Xander grinned.  "Awww."  The older him kicked him but they both laughed.

John whimpered.  "Try to stay out of trouble if you can tonight, boys.  There's a summoning thing in the park."

"Yeah, some satanists.  I doubt they'll make it.  No one's done the pre-ritual stuff."

"Good to know."  He left them alone, going to complain at his sons about how screwed up some things were.

Older Xander smiled.  "Want to go out tonight?  Far away from the park?"

"I could like that, yes."  He grinned.  "It's been too long since I went out to have fun."

"You do need to have more fun."

"Yeah but I don't have anyone to have fun with."

"You'll find someone fun.  Or ask one of the detectives."

"They're kinda buddies but I doubt they'd go to the club with me or anything.  They hang out with Rick and do that sort of stuff.  Or detective sort of stuff."

"Dating?"

"They've gotten my last six."  He ate a bite.  "I'll find another one sometime."

"Hopefully soon.  You need something or someone to take your mind off things sometimes.  Then the muses wouldn't dominate you so hard."

Xander nodded.  "I know but even when I'm dating they show up sometimes."

"A good lover will understand that.  Ezra takes my mind off things beautifully when I need him to.  He's also a good sounding board and a good friend."

"I need one of those," he sighed.

"Yeah, you do.  Maybe we'll find one tonight."  Younger Xander perked up and they finished dinner so they could get ready to go out.  Xander did miss his Ezra but that was fine.  He wasn't going to pick up anyone tonight.  Hopefully he'd help his younger self pick up someone decent.  Or even temporarily decent.  Someone for a few weeks instead of a one-night stand.  Though the high risk dating pool was smaller here in New York after having been here for a few years.  He spotted that hunter from earlier and nudged Xander, who grinned over at him.  Dean walked over and joined in.  "Night off?" he asked.

"Yeah, the summoning fizzled and the demon told them to grow up."  He shrugged.  "Sammy's off talking with Tara about geek things.  Dad's having a migraine."

"That's my fault," older Xander quipped.

"Thank you, he needed one."  Dean smirked back.  Younger Xander moved closer and Dean stared at the woman with the obvious bodice knife.  "Cute accessory."  She blanched and ran off.  "You need better taste, dude."

"Yeah, well, I can't find anyone slightly naughty and dangerous, Dean."

"Check out guys?" he asked dryly.

Xander kissed him.  "Yes, but you're still mad at me for sticking up for myself too."  He moved off to dance with someone else.

"I am not.  I understood.  Sammy understood, Xander."  He followed.  That had been...different.

Older Xander smiled as those two had a very strange I'm-not-a-boyfriend fight on the floor.  He was dancing alone but that suited him.  He didn't want to lead some poor evil thing on.  He felt a familiar body rub up against his back and looked back at him.  "Why, Agent Larabee," he said with a grin.  "Though not mine."  The man gaped.  Xander motioned and younger Xander nodded.  He walked him off to a table.  "Hi."  He pulled out his wallet and a picture, showing it to him.  That Chris moaned.  "Why're you after my younger self, Agent Larabee?"

"You know me?"

"They pulled you guys out of the ATF to guard my pretty ass in DC because I listened to you," he said dryly.  "And I'm kinda dating Ezra now."

Chris Larabee stared at him.  "Seriously?"  Xander showed him the picture from the inauguration.  "Damn."

"Yeah, you've sworn at us a few times when I took a last kiss for comfort before a speech," he said dryly, putting his wallet back.  "Why're you here?"

"The younger you is a leak in a weapons pipeline."

"Was.  He doesn't have as many contacts since he had to out things.  Most of them shun him and he hoards them, he doesn't sell them.  Plus there's NYPD oversight."

"Not from what we've heard."

"Yeah, there is."  He looked up then back at him.  "What was her name....  Beckett.  She's in major crimes and she oversees it.  Or you can talk to Taylor in the felony lab.  He's over the local apocalypse closet and helped confiscate most of his when they found out."  He smiled.  "Before then, like I used to, he got them in payment for poker debts and collected what he thought he might need for an apocalypse or because he heard someone had something too huge and dangerous to leave in other hands."

"There's weapons that disappear?"

"There's off-realm wars.  Civil and otherwise.  There are demons who deal weapons onto that circle.   We'd both leave those sort alone because we have no idea if those wars are necessary.  It's the sort of guy we are."

"Do you drive the me wherever nuts?"

"Often."  He grinned.  "So do my dogs.  And my mare."  Chris moaned, shaking his head.  "I can't let you upset the kid.  He's getting enough fallout from them using him as is.  He's got hunters trying to take him out, demons trying to take him out, and he's never telling anyone.  Then again, I'd probably do the same thing at his age."

"Now I know I'd be going nuts."  Larabee sipped his non-alcoholic drink.  "Anything else I should hear?"

"Yeah.  I'm guessing it was revenge driven.  One of those that hates him for being used.  He didn't ask for that to happen.  The hunters went after him for being a damn good author and having demon hunting in a more positive light."  He stared at him.  "Talk to Beckett."

"I'll do that tomorrow."

Xander pointed.  "There's her minion.  They work in teams.  I have no idea what his name is though."  He shrugged.  "Happy talk."  He walked over there and touched his arm, leaning next to his ear.  "Go talk to Agent Larabee," he said with a nod at him.  "He got turned onto the younger me's former weapons stash."  He nodded, going to talk to him.  The other of the minions already had his younger self in a corner to talk.  "Problems?"

"He's been getting death threats," Detective Ryan said.

"Duh.  There's been four attempts on his life in the last few days, three by hunters and one demonic," older Xander said bluntly.  Dean choked.  He looked at him.  "He told me.  Others told me to warn me to get away from him."  He looked at the detective.  "Did you think they were just going to fade into the woodwork?  The Council upped his price, the hunters have branded him an enemy like he's a demon consort.  The demons treat him like he's the root of all evil.  So yeah, which one did you hear about?"

"Someone from Mississippi?"

"No, he's a religious crank," younger Xander said.  "The lot in life when you write sci-fi like I do is to have religious cranks who believe you're evil for putting out things like my books and Harry Potter.  I got one from the local dioceses and went to tell them to muzzle him before I sued their asses."  The detective gaped.  "There's been someone who's wanted to kill me since I joined Buffy.  Getting threats is nothing new.  They learned not to send them to the publisher, because you guys got them."

"This guy went on the news and pronounced that he'd be willing to pay anyone who took you out six hundred thousand dollars that the church had raised."

"Pretty low considering," Xander said dryly.  "Hell, the hunters raised almost a mil."  He shrugged.  "They happen.  Quit stressing.  I'm not."  He stared at him.

"Do you need drugs?"

"No.  If I did, I know where I can find some nice ones though."  He shrugged.  "Might help where I almost got stuck again the other day."  He walked off with the older him.

Dean shrugged when the detective looked at him.  "We're out of the loop on that.  You might ask our dad but no one would tell us anything like that because we stuck up for him instead of the hunter that started that mess.  Dad's at the Imperial."

"That's a piece of crap motel," he said dryly.

"Yeah but hunting doesn't pay," Dean said dryly.  "You get used to it since you're always on the road."  He walked off to guard Xander.  He had no idea it had gotten that bad.  The only cure for that may be Bobby himself so he'd have to unfreeze and talk to him.  Or have his father talk to him.

***

Beckett walked up to the motel room with a grimace, knocking on it.  The man opening it stared at her oddly.  "I didn't call out for service, ma'am."

"Cute, Mr. Winchester."  She pulled her badge.  "Detective Kate Beckett."  He let her into the room.  She stared at him.  "My fellow detectives were warned earlier that there's a price out on the kid's head."

"Which kid?"

"Xander."

"Yeah, there's a few," he sighed.  "I don't know what I can do to stop it though."

She stared at him.  "They went to talk to him about that, so he'd be warned.  He informed them that the other hunters have been raising money for one?"  He stiffened.  "That's what we need to talk about."

"I hadn't heard that," he admitted.

She nodded.  "Your son told them you were out of the loop because you stood up for him."  John nodded.  "Is there a way to short circuit the loop?"

"Maybe.  I'll see if I can get the originator to yell at them since he was possessed.  He might or might not.  We're very stubborn people, Detective. If we lived this long, we're nothing but stubborn."

"I understand that.  I even understand why you went the way you did, Mr. Winchester.  My mother was killed when I was young," she said quietly.

"Hopefully she'd be proud of you."  He stared at her.  "I'll try.  I respect both those kids for what they do and what they've done, though the notice from the hunting series is ...bad for the circle."

"From what's been spread through the PD networks, some have taken that information to handle things before it got your kind's notice.  Less victims."

"They've taken out some of the harmless ones too."

"We know.  They know.  The ones in DCIS push that very well."

"He does, yeah."  He rubbed his arm.  "I'll talk to some people but I can't guarantee anything, Detective."

"Even fewer being on that front would help since there's religious cranks, the Watchers Council, and others presently trying."  He winced.  "You heard?"

"I talked to the two Watchers in LA.  They agreed their head branch needed to stop."

She smirked.  "One of them came to talk to Faith the other day and she told them to blow her and walked off.  He threatened to remove her from the line, as he put it, so she had him arrested by an officer on his coffee break."  John smirked.  "Have you met Faith?"

"Heard stories about her."

"She's up the road somewhere tonight if you wanted me to call her."

"I wouldn't mind.  Another contact is always a helpful thing in our field."

She pulled out her phone and called.  "Faith, Beckett.  I'm here with John Winchester.  Yeah, their father.  That's what he wanted to do.  Imperial.  Thanks."  She hung up.  "Let her calm down, she was club hunting."

"That's a good strategy if you're young and cute, but I'm much too old for that."  She smirked at him and left him alone.  John cleaned up a bit and put on a better shirt.  He did not want the other slayer to think he was a slob.  Of course, she was wearing a skin-tight t-shirt and leather pants, plus boots.  He stared at her.  "Club hunting good?"

She smirked meanly.  "Usually.  Damn, the vamps usually love me."  She walked in and sat down to talk to him about how things were going.  Including about a few problems that needed scared but were upstate.  He could handle that easier than she could.  Or Sam could the easiest yet but he wasn't sure why until she told him.

***

Both Xanders came out of the club and ducked into a cab before any nosy press people spotted them.  The younger one stared at the driver.  "Dude, why are you driving a cab?"

The guy looked back.  "I don't know what you mean, sir."

Older Xander smirked.  "I talked to Chris earlier.  You might want to call him, Buck."  The man groaned but called.  "He's still inside somewhere."  They settled in to wait.  Larabee gave him the go ahead and they got brought home then the team met back at their hotel room.  The links in that demon arms circle had led them to a lot of others but this wasn't one of them.  So they'd go after the next target instead.

Chris walked in first and found someone waiting.  "Ezra, you made really good time from Times Square," he said, staring at him.  Then he realized this wasn't his Ezra.  He was slightly older.  Wearing higher class clothes.  "Not Armani?" he joked.

"No, not at the moment.  I decided to dress up tonight and found my boyfriend suspiciously absent instead of readying himself for our date."

"He's been here for over three weeks.  I talked to Xander earlier."  The others walked in and paused.  Their Ezra stared at the other one.

"The New York or the LA showroom?" Ezra asked his older self.

"DC has one now."  He smirked.  "Where is my paramour?"

"Hopefully going to bed," Buck said.  "How...."

"He's from the same place that older, one eyed Xander Harris is from," Vin said, getting it.  That Ezra nodded with a small smirk.  "How did you get here?"

"He's been gone for about two hours now and one of the guards panicked when they couldn't find him.  JD was with him out getting a stress free cheeseburger so we asked who he had seen.  Then I kindly went to talk to them myself while my team gave the cover story."  He stood up.  "Three weeks?"

"Yup."

"Interesting.  He did say that time was worn out differently in each realm.  May I have some directions?"

"You want to go tonight or make it dramatic?" Larabee asked with an evil smirk.

"Well, I do adore the dramatic lifestyle," he admitted.  "Why?  You don't usually like to encourage that habit of mine."

"I don't now but the younger Xander seemed to need an older, wiser approach," Chris admitted.  "Plus yours was making the native one relax again."

"That might be nice, yes.  I know mine has been dreadfully uptight since being elected president.  Being Vice President was enough to wear on his nerves."  Vin whimpered, shaking his head.  "Oh, yes.  Everyone felt he was protective."

"Yeah, saw that earlier when we were watching a signing," JD agreed with a grin.  "He's actually a really good author."  He got the ones he had gotten to add to his collection and let that Ezra see them.

"They were saying something about a death threat or a few at the club.  That's why the detectives showed up," Larabee said.

"My amor would not allow such to go on," that Ezra said dryly.  "He would kindly stomp on them until they had a better grasp of their deity of choice."  He got into the book.  "He is fairly gifted as an author.  I wonder if mine is."  He settled in to read.  "We had plans to stalk him tomorrow?"

"I think we should to see where he was getting some of his weapons," Larabee said.  "Even though they think he's shunned."  The older Ezra looked over the edge of the book at him.  "A few months back, a hunter started to act against him and it ended up outing demons.  That was before a major apocalypse."

"We've had many of those.  Thankfully he helped trained most of the slayers so they were able to work with him helping much easier than elder slayer was."

"Do you guys have more than two?" JD asked.

"Yes.  We have them all activated thanks to an apocalypse and Miss Rosenburg."  JD shuddered.  "Most of them are mostly charming young women who respect and like my mate.   Some of them however....."  He smirked.  "They do really need an attitude adjustment.  Thankfully, the good Colonel likes to spar with them."  He went back to reading.  "I should pick up more of these for him."  He smiled.  "I'll take this couch if no one else is."

"Go ahead, Ez," Vin said with a grin.  "We all have beds."  He went to his to think and wonder about the kid they were tracking.  Well, not really tracking now since he wasn't what they had thought.  They'd have to talk to the oversight person Chris had told them about to make sure but otherwise they'd see who else had some in town since the local ATF was scared of the kid for some reason.  That Ezra was going to be nagging his boyfriend for *months* probably.  That did make him wonder if their Ezra had a boyfriend in mind.  Maybe they could hook him up with the younger one from here?

***

The ATF team plus one walked into the station the next morning.  Beckett stared at the group.  "Who did what this time since you're agents of some sort?"

"ATF," Chris said, pulling out his ID case.  "Are you Detective Beckett?"

"Did Harris date someone else?" Detective Ryan joked.  He looked over.  "Or is this about last night?"

"About last night.  We're fact checking," JD said with a grin.

"Sure, we have a nice break room," she decided, leading them in there and her minions came last so they got to shut the door and start the coffee machine.

"I do believe your department has been blessed beyond what ours has," the younger Ezra said, making the guys grin and make him a cup of *good* coffee.  "Thank you, gentlemen."  He sipped and let out a quiet moan.  "That is very good."

"When Castle drank our usual coffee, he made sure we had better stuff," Ryan said.  "So, what're we checking?"

"First, last night?" Beckett asked.

"I was scouting the kid, Harris, because we were tipped he was a major open spot in the demon arms pipeline," Chris told her.

She nodded.  "More of a storage area that didn't sell," she admitted.  "But we managed to finally confiscate all of it, though he does have usage rights for apocalypses or other big things as long as we hear first or while he's having to grab and run."

Chris nodded.  "That's what we were told last night by both of them."

"Do we think the tip was vindictive?" Esposito asked.  Chris nodded.

"Yup," JD said happily.  "And it came from up here even."  He pulled out his laptop to show them what they had.  "I have no idea what the NYPD wants to do with demons."

"Usually, we tell Faith," Beckett admitted.  "Who either tells their people or handles it.  Unless they look real human our system doesn't want to acknowledge they're here."

Chris nodded.  "Denver had that until something tried to eat the FBI building," he said dryly.  "Then we decided we really cared a lot."  She smirked at him.

"But, while I was looking at the tip's source, I ran into a few other things you guys should probably hear since Chris said that you guys haven't been told anything about the death threats against him."

"No, he's not the sort of boy to whine about such things," Ryan said dryly.  "Which I nearly kicked his ass for last night."

"Do you think you could?" the older Ezra asked.  "If so, he's woefully out of shape compared to my own."

Beckett stared at him.  "You're from the older one's world?"

"Indeed.  My beau is quite the warrior," he said with a smug grin, sipping his coffee.

"We're going to make sure that the one here never gets any political notice," she told him.

"My own would be quite pleased since all that drives him batty."

"Which then further warps Ezra," Buck quipped.

"Dear Goddess, you have no idea," the older Ezra said, making his younger self moan.  "Yes, I did get that from him," he said dryly.

"Is Tara still alive there?" Ryan asked.  "We adore Tara, even when she's pissed off and walking around with a breeze none of us can feel."

"No, sadly she was killed in Sunnydale by some geek with a grudge and a mental issue, which Willow then solved for him by killing him and nearly everyone else," the older Ezra said.

"So, like in the DCIS world, Rosenburg went punk," Beckett said.

"She's healed, moved on, and is now trying to avoid dating one of her coworkers, who works with John Sheppard."

"That Rodney guy?" Esposito guessed.  Ezra smirked and nodded.  "I guess they can fight each other's egos then."  Beckett shook her head but was trying not to laugh.

"Indeed," that Ezra agreed dryly.  "We're hoping for a great many children from them."

"She's recently had one here," Ryan said with a grin.  "She's already missing being pregnant, which her husband adores.  He's Irish Catholic, hates her magic unless it's necessary, and is helping her rehab herself into a wife."

"Why did those two break up here?" the younger Ezra asked.

"Willow cheated with Anya," Beckett said dryly.  The elder Ezra spluttered and choked.  "Xander walked in on them.  That's why Anya here is a nun and Willow got a wish cast on her to find happiness, a husband that wanted a large family, and kids she'd get to train right."  She smirked.

"I wonder if mine knows that."

"They might've talked."  Esposito took the laptop.  "We knew about the Council one, but it's went up."

"The hunters' threat to his continued muses' lifespan I talked to Winchester about," Beckett said.  "He said he'd try.  How many others?"

"Twelve," Esposito said flatly, looking over at her.  "Five from religious, anti-fantasy and magic people.  The rest are from people who hate him because apparently he's prompted them to like demons."  He let her have the laptop.

She read them over, shaking her head.  "That's a different Watchers Council one.  The original was set by Travers.  He put it into a locked account with a lawyer overseeing it."

Ezra took it to look at, then got onto another site, letting that one tell him all that there were.  "May I print this list?"  They nodded and JD sent it to the local printer.  Beckett went to get the list and Ezra finished his coffee.  "I believe mine has slightly fewer for not having much tact and people hating him for being gay and president."

"Yeah, the fact one of them made it to president freaked us out," Ryan said with a grin.  "We'd only met ours and a scary Xander who called himself Lavelle."

"He's in an anime in our world.  Xander always did say they had gotten his nose wrong," he said dryly.  "Master thief, assassin, gunman?"  The guys both nodded.  "Hmm, yes.  I've seen.  He was quite...alluring if you like that side of the fence."

"Do we think that he and our Xander maybe...." Ryan asked Esposito.

"No, probably not.  They weren't around each other that long."

"Good point.  It might've been fun for him."

"Could be, yeah.  Or at least better than his dates."

Ezra took some paper and a pen off Vin to make a long list.  He handed it over with a smile.  "The ones my Xander dated over the last decade that we've known him.  Either they've shown up or sent reminders."

JD looked and added a few more.  "Plus the ones our Ezra has dated, who're usually just as bad but less pouty about getting him back."  He let the guys have it.  "Just in case."

"We'll see if any are in town."

"Millicent was.  I ran into her having coffee.  I remember being woken up one night by her after she had strapped me down so she could make sure I would be treating her ex properly."  Chris stared at him.  He shrugged.  "I did report it but she was in Egypt by the time you got her file from the FBI."

"Interesting.  What are we doing in DC?"

"Beyond losing our minds?" Vin added.

"That's about it.  Guarding him and the Vice President.  Back when Xander was a simple VP, and newly into office his first term, they had an economic talk in Denver.  Team 4 tried to handle it but he was snide to the slayer helping his guard unit."  They all nodded, and Chris rolled his eyes.  "He fired Bradley for being so snide, right before he found an explosive device.  Which he handled.  So we took over.  Then the slayer got injured by a demon sent by a religious crank out to stop slayers."

"Xander, of course, stepped in," Esposito said.

"Of course," Ezra agreed with a smile.  "Including moving us out of the way to handle things for us."  Chris thumped his forehead on the table, shaking it.  Vin was snickering.  "Mr. Larabee nicely got him to let the team handle things while he went with his slayer to the hospital.  In light of us making him listen to us, and us knowing how to work with people just like us, we got begged on bended knee on top of broken glass and salt to go to DC.  They even provided us with a seizure farm for the horses."  Chris looked at him, mouth slightly open.

"John brought one of his family's horses out to get some stress relief.  A Middle Eastern diplomat gave Xander one for helping with the goal of having sons."  He smirked.  "We did make it home every four months in rotation.  We did make it home when my mother conspired with the then head of the ATF to break my relationship up."  Chris and Josiah both shuddered.  "I disowned my mother in public for being a frightful bitch.  I was quite proud that I didn't smack her around."

"I would be as well," Ezra agreed quietly.  "Did she reform herself?"

"She has nagged a few times about making sure I'm in his will and the like, but not yet."  He smirked.  "His parents, as you know, are worthless."

"They're in jail here," Ryan said with a grin.

"Well, his mother's in jail in California for sending a bomb with cocaine in it," Esposito admitted.  "His father's local for blackmail."

"Yes, that sounds a bit familiar."  The older Ezra shook his head.  "I do expect something mushy to happen someday soon.  Though we might have to make sure the St. Bernards don't help."

"He has big, slobbery dogs near your suits?" JD asked.

"He's trained them mostly," Ezra admitted.  "I do love him in spite of the dog drool sometimes.  Though they do make wonderful bed warmers."

"So, are you living at the white house?" Ryan asked.

"Not yet.  We agreed me having my condo outside the insanity was helpful for stress relief.  I'll move in when and if we marry."

"Are we thinking it'll be soon?" Chris asked.

Ezra smiled.  "It's entirely possible.   He does have his mushy moments.  If so, I'd hope the press would quit speculating about who takes whom and how often," he finished dryly.  Ryan cracked up, snickering and shaking his head.  "Two bachelor presidents before him, one that married quietly during his reign.   John was hopeless about dating.  They nearly scarred him for life.  He hasn't gotten off his city since they allowed him to go hide.  Mine growls at the reporters when they bother us about such matters.  It's fairly amusing to watch but disturbing to be caught in it."

"I bet," Nathan said.  "Am I there?"

"Yes.  You quit nagging after about a year," Ezra said dryly.  "The last time, you nagged him about his coffee intake for breakfast and he quipped that was his snack, his protein breakfast hadn't had many calories but was a bit too salty."  Nathan blushed, ducking his head.  "Which is why you stopped.  That and I believe Miss Rosenburg offered to make you a puppy or something.  Or possibly a girl."

"We're clearly all insane there," JD said.

"Quite," Ezra agreed dryly.  "But it's mostly the good kind."  They all moaned.  Beckett came back with something.  "Anything good?"

"Quite a lot that's good."  She let them see what they already had.

"That is different," Chris said.  "Can we talk to the kid?"

"Last night he got huffy because we tried to talk to him about it," Ryan pointed out.  "Apparently he thinks he can handle it alone."

"So we'll tell Paula," Esposito said bluntly.  "She'll nag and fuss and act like Tara."  He called her.  Ryan called Tara.  They were both down there within ten minutes.  Rick too.  "Castle, make some more coffee please?" he asked, handing over his cup.

"Sure."  He gathered them, laying them out in order.  "How do you take yours?"

"Sinfully delightful in any form with a touch of sugar.  My other half has driven me to a sweet tooth I'm afraid."

"How did he do that?" Vin asked with a grin.

"The man has even gotten me to drink hot chocolate to solve life's little problems."

"Aww," JD sighed.  "What's real love like, Ez?"

"It's like having a root canal done through your ear but after the pain's gone it's fairly pleasant and only drives you slightly insane.  It's comforting yet strangling at times and then the press gets there to nag or ask inappropriate questions, which breaks the nice mood."

Rick snickered.  "Sometimes, yes it was."  He stared at him.  "Yours has been getting ours out of the house more often and helping him handle his muses."

"That's excellent of him.  I know he's been bored in the White House recently."  He stared at the ladies when they joined them.  "How many death threats did you think he had?"

"Three," Paula said.  "The Council, the other hunters, and some religious crank in Mississippi."  Beckett shook her head, holding up the papers.

"Seventeen?" Tara demanded, looking at them.  Paula whimpered.  "Maybe we can find Xander a nice, overprotective, assassin sort for a few months to guard him?"

"No, we arrested her," Beckett reminded Tara.  Then she sighed.  "I can ask and see if she'll ask for bail.  She never did."

"That might help," Tara decided.  "It might even be community service and help her case."

"She took and filled over a hundred contracts, Tara.  No it won't," Esposito said dryly.  "Though the judge might like it."  She rolled her eyes.  "We can ask."

"Or maybe an agent who likes to be a bit dark," Ryan said.

"If he was in Denver, I could suggest about six," Vin said dryly.  JD looked at him.  "People on teams 4, 6, 10, and 14 and two guys in the Secret Service office."

JD shuddered.  "I think they wanted slightly evil and protective, not fucking morons who love the sight of blood," Buck complained.

"A few of those, having a live-in boyfriend might cure some of that," Chris admitted.

"We know a few too but they swear up and down they're not gay," Beckett assured them.  "We asked if they wanted introduced."  Chris grinned at her.  "We've arrested about thirteen of his dates."

Tara nodded, pushing her hair back then she decided to pull it up.  "We need to get the apartment an alarm system."  Paula gave her an odd look.  "The one I put up was good but doesn't get EMS if necessary or the police.  It just wakes Xander up and pisses him off."

"Then yes, a good alarm system would be wonderful," Paula agreed.

"Especially with his little blood problem," Beckett said.

Older Ezra snorted.  "Mine has more than yours probably.  He caught a few extra things in Africa."

"Would he rather have a wife or be a wife?" Esposito asked him.  "Since you're an expert."

"Mine simply wanted someone who would be good for him, help him, let him cuddle and babble when he needed to, all that.  In me he found all that and someone who prompted his curiosity to return.  It had been too many years of battles and training for future battles.  He had even lost the delight in traveling."

"He doesn't sightsee much when he's here in the US," Tara said.  "But on the European trip he did a lot of sightseeing."

"He doesn't really do that much traveling for signing right now," Paula admitted.  "He can't because he doesn't have a cat sitter."

"Alexis would probably go over and feed, play with, and clean up after the kittens if he had to be gone for three days or so," Rick told her.

"Is she not grounded?" Tara asked.

"We relented since she was only partially at fault."  He smirked.  "If I ever see that boy he's going to wish he had picked another planet to be born on."

Tara smiled.  "I saw him the other day and Alexis snubbed him."

"Good.  That's what I'd expect her to do."

Older Ezra looked around then at them.  "My Xander makes a lot of friends, or at least acquaintances."

"Ours did but then he got shunned," Tara admitted.

"Hmm.  Perhaps some time away from things."

"We have a cabin for vacations," Tara said.  "He hasn't visited in a while.  I should take Beth there.  We have a long weekend coming up.  I'll check on it later."  She looked at Kate.  "I have no idea what we can do beyond nag him, Detective Beckett."

"He said he wasn't going to be a whiner about them," Ryan told her.  "That it was the price he paid for doing what he's doing."

Tara stared at him.  "Hmm.  I'll spank him later, after work."  She sighed.  "Let me get back to work and dust the Restricted Section to calm myself down.  How many of those note me?"

"Two.  Both Council ones," Beckett told her.

She nodded.  "That would figure."  She walked off shaking her head.

"At least ours was mostly blown up and reformed by Mr. Giles, though there is some terrible fighting among the ranks about how things should be done," older Ezra said.

Paula smirked.  "Don't tempt me or him."  Ezra smirked at her.  "He told one officer in England if they got him he had explosives on him."  She looked at Beckett.  "I'll up the security at anyplace he's signing.  Do you want me to hire him a bodyguard?"

"I doubt he'd let you," Rick told her.  "I didn't when I got my second one.  My first one I didn't come out of the house for weeks."

She stared at him.  "That is a good point but he never comes out of the house now."

"He's got a decent enough place if they'd get a security system.  Or a doorman.  Though I think it's a bit big for just him."

"Yes, Tara had a suite and so does he," she agreed.

"We cleared all the stuff that one demon gave him as an accidental present," Ryan quipped with a grin.

"Don't remind me," Ezra told him.  He shook his head quickly.  Chris and Buck both stared at him oddly.

Vin grinned.  "He gets presents?"

"Yes, we recently intercepted one that was a minor missile system."  He smirked when Buck whimpered.  Josiah shuddered.  Nathan was shaking his head and moaning.

"What did he need one of those for?" JD asked.

"Apocalypse battles.  I'd dearly love to see him use one instead of his battle axe as well."

"Our last one here he had a shotgun and then his axe for two larger things at the end," Beckett said.  "It's on youtube."

"Yes, so are some of his.  Mostly done by people who feel very protected by him."  He looked at the elevator.  "Hmm, I believe we have new entrants into this discussion.  Mr. Winchester."

"How do you know me?" Sam asked cautiously.

"My Xander still keeps in touch with you and Dawn, plus your pack of proof that your back keeps getting thrown out."  Sam blushed, ducking his head.  He smirked.  "Have you met Dawn here?"

"No.  Who's Dawn?"

"Buffy's little sister."

"No, she doesn't have one here."

"Interesting.  So Glory didn't get near finding her key."

"No, she came here," Esposito admitted.  "Shortly after Harris did.  They blew her up and they fled, leaving the watching officers to call EMS for him since he had a concussion and was in a coma for three days."

"Charming of them," Ezra said dryly.  "My Buffy would stay to nag."

"Ours flew back to LA," Beckett said.  "Mr. Winchester, is there a problem?"

"Yes.  There's apparently a massing of demons to storm Xander and beat his ass for things."

"Faith?"

"She's already shouting herself hoarse."

"Boys," she ordered and they followed her.  They got body armor too because they were smart.  The ATF team followed.  Sam navigated.

Older Ezra got out.  "I believe the one in front takes blessed silver but I only have rudimentary knowledge."

"Good to know," Beckett said.  "Faith?  Problems?"

"Yup."  She pushed her hair off her sweaty forehead.  "Major ones."

Xander showed up, with his axe in his hand.  "If you idiots hadn't prompted the problem, there wouldn't be one," he said bluntly, staring at them.  "You guys forced my hand and now you hate what happened.  It's your doing, not mine.  So yell at yourselves."  A few rushed him and he killed them.  He stared at the other ones.  "I've had fucking enough."  A few backed off, looking scared.

"The hunter that started all that was *possessed*.  It was a demonic plan and all of you went along with it.  Not one of you helped me when I needed it, no matter how much I've done for the community.  So screw yourselves and fucking move if you don't like me being in the same damn city.  Because the next time something comes after the community, you'd better pray Faith can get it.  I'm not."  He walked off.  Another shouted and came at him with a knife.  Xander turned, caught the attack, and fought him back.  The knife went into his thigh but the demon died in a broken heap.

Xander looked at the blade then plucked it out and tossed it, blood and all, onto the ground.  "Anyone else?"  They stared.  A few gaped in awe.  "I'm not the bitch in this scene, guys.  Nor am I the nice bitch.  You forget a lot that I did before and will do again if I must.  But do remember that seers don't have to say a thing.  Especially when you piss me off."  He stared at one.  "Have fun with that."

"You must tell us those things!" one shouted.

"No I don't."  He shrugged.  "I don't have a tell anyone anything.  I don't have to write them down.  I don't have to tell Faith.  Nothing.  That's all up to me."

"You have ethics," one of the leaders complained.

Xander smirked at him.  "Where did you hear that fairytale?  Hunters have very few ethics.  Mostly the ones we still hold as honorable.  Attacking me means I consider you squishable, not something I care about them dying."

"Your parents...."

"The drunk twins?" he snorted.  "Teach ethics?"  A few looked alarmed.  "You do realize one of my parents is in jail for making a bomb to blow me up because I sent the other to jail for blackmailing me?"  More demons looked scared.  "I don't have to do a goddamn thing ever again to help any of you.  The guys hunting you?"  He shrugged.  "Honorable combat stuff?  Nurseries being attacked?  Call the NYPD.  Call Faith.  Because no, I don't care.

"You're not worthy of my caring.  I'll care about Faith and if she needs my help for an apocalypse, well, it's bad if the world ends.  Then my muses have to shut up.  I might care about that.  Some days."  The group moved away from him.  "I don't have to give a bit of a damn about any of you.  Human or not.  The fact I did means a lot more than most people realize.  But now you've broken my 'don't give a damn' dial on the 'zero' setting.  Have fun with that.  Faith, if *you* need help you let me know."  He walked off.

Rick followed.  "Kid."  He stopped him, giving him a long stare then hugging him.  Xander choked back something.  "I know.  C'mon, we'll get you home and bandage that."

"It's fine."

"It's a stab wound.  It's not fine."  He walked him back home.  They were only a block and a half away.  He saw a reporter with a paparazzi and took the axe before they could snap a picture.  They got him upstairs and on the couch, letting the older Xander help him bandage the cut.  It was a bad one.  Not near an artery or vein thankfully.

Someone knocked.  Then Faith walked in.  "They're all miserably sorry, boytoy."

"Yay?"  He shrugged.  "Guys, it doesn't need that level of fussing."

"Shut up," the older Xander ordered.  "Ezra would tie my ass down and fuss over me."

"Yeah but I'm not sleeping with either of you," Xander quipped.  They both swatted him.  "Fine."  He looked at Faith.  "Liking what you see?"

"Nope.  You had less scars before."  She stared at him.  "Inner and outer."

"Yell at the cause."

"If I find that cause, it'll be a dead fucker."  She looked into his eyes.  "You wanna talk?  I mean it's not my job and I'm really fucking miserable at it, but I can let you babble at me if you need to."

"Nah, it's good," Xander assured her more calmly.  "Thanks for the offer though, Faith."

"Witchy and her knight in girly armor would say the same thing," she reminded him.  He nodded.  "Nursery?"  He pointed at his computer.  She went to look at what he had been working on.  "Shit."

"Yup.  Have fun with that.  Or not.  That's the same day my father supposedly gets out so I'd probably be busy anyway."

"Maybe," she admitted.  She looked at him.  "Why don't you go on a whirlwind tour of the world signing books?"

"Because that's costly and I'd have to bring the cats?"

"There's an art to traveling with pets," older Xander told him.  "I travel with two St. Bernards."  He grinned. "There's pet friendly hotels in each city.  Most of them will accept cats.  Your publisher would probably think it'd be a great thing."

"Maybe.  If I don't get fired for that."  He sighed.  "I might."

"It'd be harder to kill you," the older Xander quipped.  "Outside of England."

"Yay."  He stared at him.  "I'll think about it."

Rick cleared his throat.  "It might affect sales.  Probably not that much.  And they'll go up again the next time we have a huge battle like in Oxnard.  You hit number two after that."

"I did?"

"Yeah, you did."  He grinned.  "Right behind King."

"Huh."  He blinked a few times.  "I'll probably hit all the apocalypse battles I'm needed in but damned if I want to deal with them."  Someone outside yelled.  He stared.  The street was dark.  "Shit."  He got his pants and put them back on.

"You're injured," Faith said.

"Yay?"  He grabbed a few things and his axe, following her out.  Rick was calling Beckett.  The older Xander had his own swords. And a few spare weapons.

Xander walked out there.  "Why are you blocking a New York City street?  The people wouldn't like that."

"You are nothing, Harris.  Nothing to us, nothing to others."

Xander shrugged.  "Some people like me.  They buy my books."

"I can curse you that it will not happen ever again," he sneered.

"You go right ahead.  That'll work against Anya's that I'll get groupies."  He shrugged.  "I can always go back to construction.  I was happy doing construction and writing in my off hours.  I can do it again and put it up online for the true fans."

The demon growled.  "You are a pissy little human."

Xander pulled out something, bouncing it in his hand.  "Not fully human anymore.  Mermaid taint, remember."  He smirked.  The demon tried to hit him but the grenade hit his chest and then he attacked.

"You are not a slayer!" Faith complained as she joined in.

"You're not a blonde, quit sounding like her," he shot back.

"Fuck this, you're injured," the older one said.  "Not that it's ever stopped me."  He dove in to help too.  The demon was not happy.  Three warriors were better than two or even one.  Faith got knocked down and Rick got her moved to wake her up safely while they took him on.  Xander growled and lost his temper a little bit.  The older one hadn't been able to do that for years.  Africa had tempered that.  This one...  He hadn't had the same sort of combat training.  "Channel it," he ordered.

"I am."  He snapped open a vial and threw it on the demon.  It screamed in pain as the acid ate through his dick.

"What the fuck?" Dean Winchester shouted.  "Guys, guns?"

"Impervious," the Xanders shouted together.

"Shit!" Sam muttered, grabbing Faith's sword and diving in.  Dean got one off the older Xander.  Their father had a machete on him.

"Oooh, hunters, I'm scared," the demon sneered, batting at John.  He went flying back into Rick and Faith.  "So much for the wanted and much lauded line."

"He's feeling old today.  Glad we're not," Dean quipped.

"Dean, the red lines," Sam shouted, rubbing his forehead.  "That came from Willow."

"Yay."  Xander hit one with his axe.  The demon screamed in pain.  Xander muttered a prayer and finished by letting older Xander help him get higher so he could do some real damage.  The demon was distracted by him and was trying to hit him but wasn't really successful.  He couldn't reach the middle of his back.  Xander took a big swing down and in.  The skin broke.  The spine cracked.  He had to yank hard to get the axe free and did it again.

Then he tossed in another snap vial.  The demon shouted, shaking the buildings.  Xander jumped free, rolling to get out of the way and so he could get to his feet.  The demon fell, narrowly missing Dean and Sam.  The older Xander got them out of the way.  Xander stared then walked up and beheaded it.  "Next time, don't come to my city.  Ever."  He limped off.  "Let me go clean off the blood and I'll see if there's something to eat the body."  He sighed, watching Faith come around.  "And hide from girls since apparently she turned into a blonde."  He went inside.

Older Xander stared.  "I hate that."

"The depression?"

"No, the certainty that they'll yell.  They will, he's right.  They always do.  It's soul sucking though."  He followed.  "C'mon, guys, he's got two showers."  He stopped to check Faith.  "She'll be fine, Mr. Castle."  He finally got her awake.  "It's dead."

"Fuck that."

"No, I'm not into necrophilia.  Are you since you subtly turned blonde?"  He stared at her.

"Slayers are supposed to take the heavy damage," she moaned, sitting up holding her head.  "That's why we heal faster."

"Yeah, well, not this time, princess."  He helped her up.  "Quit nagging.  It's soul sucking when we get nagged about that shit."

She stared at him.  "I get that but I could've done more."

"You were napping.  It was our turn."  He shrugged.  "Help with the clean up?"

"Yeah, I can do that."  She took Sam's sword, which was hers anyway, and went to chop it into smaller pieces so they could bag it up and toss it out.  "I hate this part of the work."

"We have jumpsuits in the car," Rick offered.  She smiled at him.  He went to get one.  Beckett and the guys were staring, Ryan's mouth open.  Rick tipped his mouth closed.  "Can she bum one of those jumpsuits for really nasty crime scenes?"

"Yeah, or we can just cart it off that way."  She called someone.  "It's Beckett.  A huge demon attacked Harris by his house.  It's dead.  Seven, maybe seven and a half feet.  Thank you."  She hung up.  "Faith, they'll bring the flatbeds they use to tow cars to get that thing."

She grinned.  "That's really neat.  Much better than chopping up and bagging.  I know we can't do like B does in LA and just leave them laying there."

Dean pulled her closer to look in her eyes.  "You have a concussion or you're infected with Xander babble," he said quietly.  "By your eyes I'd say concussion."

"I haven't kissed X in years," she admitted.

"Sammy, get her to an ER.  She's got a concussion."  He nodded, taking her and the keys to the Impala.  John followed holding his head.  Dean looked at the demon.  "Right now, fire sounds good."  Beckett gave him a horrified look.  "That's how we roll.  Salt and burn.  Works to send ghosts on and it cleans up most everything else."

"Let us cart it off, Dean."  He nodded, walking off to check on Xander.  The tow truck got there and they covered the demon with a few tarps but it got carted off and the street was reopened a few minutes later.  She looked around, noticing all the staring demons.  "You pissed him off earlier.  Are you happier?"  They slunk off.  She looked at her people.

"I say we give him the artillery back," Ryan said, looking at his partner.

"Some of the lighter stuff.  Not all of it.  He could probably use the volvo though."

She smirked.  "They've already taken the howitzer off it, guys."  Rick walked out and over.  "You okay?"

"I know I don't know how to use a sword so I just guarded and helped Faith."  He rubbed his hands on his pants.  "I say we go get a drink for lunch."

"We have hours of work left," she reminded him.  "If we did that, we'd probably have a body."

"True."  He looked at the reporter, walking over to glad handle them until they ran off.  He walked back over.  "They'll report it wasn't an apocalypse."

"Thanks," she said quietly.  "I didn't want to talk to the leeches.  Is the kid all right?"

"He's in his shower calming down.  He won't talk to anyone.  I'm guessing no."   She nodded, looking that way.  "Let him handle it in whatever way he wants, Kate," he said quietly.  "You'd hate to be interrupted too, even if you seriously needed to be."

She nodded.  "I would.  He's got others who understand better anyway."  She nodded.  She texted the boy to tell her more about that guy later on so she could do the report and to calm down however.  She could wait a few hours on the report.  It was about as touchy feely as she ever got.  They went back to the station, sneaking in the back way since reporters were outside.  "Want to handle them?"

"No.  The NYPD has a press officer.  I was warned about that the last time they descended."  He shot her a look, getting a smirk back.  "I don't like talking to most of them.  They're more shallow than some starlettes.  The ones who need to carry their dogs around for conversation."

Esposito snickered.  "I always wondered if that was showing off that they were irresponsible pet owners or if they needed someone their intelligence to hang out with."

"I think one uses hers as a designated driver," Castle said dryly.  They all smirked.  He launched into a really funny story about one of those sort and they all relaxed.  Even the ATF guys.  The older Ezra looked a bit anxious but was trying to hide it.  He'd stalk his mate around later.

***

They were in a club, Dean's idea to destress and maybe get Xander laid, when older Xander felt someone behind him.  He turned, kissing him.  "What are you doing here?"

"I followed your trail to this nice vacation spot," he said dryly.  "Are you injured?"

"Dean did the three stitches.  I'm perfectly fine, dear."  He took another kiss and danced with him.  "I missed you."

"I missed you as well."  He smiled.  "It'll be a few more days at the least before we can go back.  We'll spend it being cute and couplish, doing things we can't get away with in DC."  Xander beamed at him, taking him deeper onto the floor to dance with him.

Xander grinned at his older self.  "It's nice one of us found someone decent and understanding."

"You can have Sammy but he wants a normal thing," Dean offered.

Xander grinned.  "I might play with him if he wants but I know someone like Sam isn't for boys like me.  I basically turned my back on most hunting things."  He shrugged and shifted to get away from the person trying to climb into his jeans with him.  He looked back.  "You mind?"  She huffed.  "I don't mind women but only I can fit in these and my wallet's not back there."  He picked a better candidate to dance with.  Dean wasn't a great dancer.  He had moves but not the sort that would help you lose yourself for a bit.  He was used to club baiting and Xander had gotten out of that habit.  The girls let him dance all he wanted and a few were even happy with him being there.

Dean texted Sam to tell him that.  Sam sent back a 'I know, we already had that talk after the other night'.  Dean put his phone back and went back to it.

***

Faith walked into a demon club, seeing the sneers.  "Shut up," she told one.  She walked over to the one that had asked her to show up.  "What?"

"Has Harris actually done something for this community?"

"You mean beyond taking out serial killers going for the young?"  He gaped.  "And did you think the things in Sunnydale wouldn't come for you?  Really?"  She stared at him.  "Did you possess B to get that brainless?"  She walked off.  "You know, if it wasn't for the DCIS series, most people would still think you're all harmful instead of pussycats who whimper in the dark."  Most of the people in the bar looked startled.  She looked at one then at her egg.  "You know he saw something about a nursery attack?  I have no idea where."  She walked out.

The heads of the New York demon community talked over their beers.

Finally, one of the young hotheads had had it.  He walked back there.  "You know what?   The rest of the country outside you guys and LA know what the hell the slayer's team has done for us.  How they protected us when Sunnydale got shut down.  How they kept some of the biggest things from killing everyone, including us.  Hell, Harris was the first one at the invasion and the last one to leave!  Do you think they wouldn't have eaten us too?"  He looked around.

"Another thing, since he's the seer that saw the Council trying to summon the First Evil and got it stopped, we'd all be dead then too.  He's the one that built the bomb that took out Glorificus before she had our world invaded by hers.  Which would've killed most of us.  He's kept people in the ATF from getting into the demon communities by taking the higher weapons from us.  He's made sure people know that there's peaceful demons instead of all being the like the brainless things that came during the invasion.  What the hell do you think he's done for us?  I wouldn't respect us either since we sound like teenage human girls!"  He stomped off.  A few clapped.

"Some day he'll lose his temper," one of the elders sighed, taking a drink.  "And make logical arguments."

"Could that be the truth?" another asked.  "Since he kept a lot of things from happening?"

"The slayers think him a child playing dressup," he sneered at her.

"No, Summers thinks that.  Summers is an airhead most of the time.  Even her mother has corrected that thought.  And for being unable to help, she sure comes begging when she needs things.  Her first stop to stop Glory wasn't Tara, it was Xander."  The others nodded.  "He blew her up and Summers left him there bleeding.  Didn't even call an ambulance for him.  Yet he was the reason she had won.  That's not something I respect."  The others in the bar nodded.  "She has her good points and her good moments but perhaps she needs someone to focus her better like Rosenburg got."  The crowd all nodded at that.

"That is not how the higher ups see it," one of them told her.  "You're impertinent, woman, and you're old enough to know better."

She sneered.  "I'm also old enough to stab you since you're unworthy of your job."  He flinched.  "I say we overturn these supposed wise ones since they aren't."  The crowd cheered and rushed the table.  The demon smirked.  "Feel very wise now?' she asked their bodies as they were being pummeled.

***

Faith knocked on the door the next morning, getting a sleepy older Xander yawning at her.  She caught the cats and put them back inside.  "The city's demons decided to rip their Elders Council apart last night."

He stared at her.  "Really?"  She nodded.  "Huh."  He looked toward the bedroom.  "I can still hear keys being tapped."

She went in there, partially shutting his laptop's case.  He saved it and looked at her.  "They ripped the Elders Council to shreds last night."

"Why?"

"For being down on you.  I pointed out that you had done a lot more than they thought.  Apparently that started off a moment of revolution.  The new one has more species represented and they wanted to talk to you later."

He considered that.  "I'm not sure I want to."

"I know.  Still, try?  It'll make you safer since some of them have a price on your head."

"It seems like half of everyone has one."

"Well, yeah.  Two from the Council from what Tara told me."  She smirked.

"That fucking sucks."

"Yup.  So shower, change, let's go."  He sighed but did that, letting the computer go into the special drawer.  "You can buy me lunch too, boytoy."

"If I must."

"Yup, you must.  This is damn early for some of us."

"Me too."  He showered and came out to pull on jeans and a decent enough shirt.  He didn't really care what anyone thought.

She watched, noticing how he was moving.  "Did anyone check your thigh?"

"I just did, it's fine."

"Uh-huh."  The older Xander came in with his Ezra to help with that.  They got it cleaned up again and rebandaged for him then let her take him.  She grinned.  "He's fussy."

"He needs kids."

"You are a kid, same as I am."  He gave her a dirty look.  "We are barely legal."

"I'm twenty-three."

"Really?"  He nodded.  "Fine then I'm barely legal."

He smirked.  "I think many guys are happy that you are legal, Faith."  She punched him on the arm, making him wince.  "Ow."

"Sorry."  She checked.  Yup, there was a bruise there.  "Did someone abuse you last night?"

"Yeah, the pretty girl I screwed had a death grip there as she came and came and came again," he quipped.

"TMI, Xander."  He shrugged.  "Did it help?"

"No."  He shrugged.  "It'll be fine."

"No, you need a real pussy, boy or girl.  Soon."

"Yeah, well, they're in short supply in this city.  They're all either fake or not interested in me."

"Maybe you should move back to LA?"

"Hell no."

"Not to be around them but to be around a different class of bad boys and girls?  Speaking of, why doesn't anyone see you going out with manpussy?"

"It's bad for sales.  Paula told me to keep that more quiet unless I found a real boyfriend."  He shrugged.

"Huh.  Judgmental asses."

"Books are expensive little things in today's budgets.  Plenty of people won't read an author that does questionable things even if he is their favorite.  Them selling pays me and her and means they keep me."

"Good point I guess.  Still sucks."

"Yeah, well, it's helped the death threat situation.  Since I announced that the publishing house turns over all death threats they've started to send them to my publically noted post office box."  He smirked.  "It's not real easy to find it but if you look you can track it down.  They all know I use it for official fan correspondence so they keep an eye on any packages or bigger letters."

"They find any?" she asked.

"Two.  Both religious groups who hate me for being bi and knowing demons."

"Huh.  She know?"

"Probably not."  He shrugged.  "Someone in the PD probably does."  He shrugged.  "I let the officials handle that stuff and I laugh at most of the threats."

"Do we keep a file?"

"Yeah, I have a whole box in the closet.  I'm sure other authors do too."

"Maybe."  Maybe she'd be asking the only other author she could get her hands on about that too.  She led him into the meeting hall.  People stopped, stared, and gaped in awe at them.

"Yes, she's very beautiful, people, but she's hell on your back in bed," he quipped.  She swatted him again.  "Ow!"  He playfully rubbed it, grinning at her.

She stared at him.  "You need drugs or something since you used to actually smile and mean it."

"The muses would hate that."  He shrugged.  "If I could find a decent lover I would."

"I know."  They got let in and she walked him up there.  "You wanted me to fetch him for you?"

"Yes, we did," the new head of the Council said, staring at him.  "We believe the old Council was too harsh.  Even though you are brash, loud, and get all too much attention."

"Yeah but that's the job I do," he admitted.  He shrugged.  "If you guys want to continue to shun me, that's your shit.  I've gotten to my point of 'moving on now'."

She stared at him.  "I can understand why.  Though those that owe you money should pay that off," she called at one.  She looked at him again.  "LA's council would have to make their own decisions but this one no longer finds you worthy of being shunned, Xander.  You can come back as long as you can ditch the reporters who follow you around."

"They really don't most of the time.  Unless I've just done something heroically stupid."

"I can understand that."  She smiled.  "Go, rest.  You look like you haven't slept."

"I spent all night being pissed at the muses," he agreed.  "Thank you.  I hope this Council pulls together easily and has not too many issues."  He left with Faith feeling a bit better.  "That was nice of them."

"They ripped the old Council to pieces in a bar last night," she told him.  "I'm not the only one who pointed out what you had done for the community when they didn't want to see it."

He stared at her.  "You did what?"

"Shut up, Xander."  She patted him on the wrist.  "Let's get breakfast then you can go to bed?"

He nodded.  "I should've brought my computer."

She went to talk to someone.  "Are his muses a curse?" she asked bluntly.  She had wondered.

"No.  They're probably so active because they know they won't have thirty years to spread out all the stories."

"Oh."  She went back to him.  "They think it's because you'll die in an apocalypse instead of old age."

"Probably.  I'm shocked I lived this long some days."

"Yeah, me too.  I would've figured you for a screaming match with B that got Red to make you a gooey spot with magic."

"Don't tempt them.  They sent a voicemail last night saying I was an idiot."

"I'm so going to paddle."  She took him to a nice enough place for breakfast.  They both liked it.  Tara liked it too.  She was getting something to go on the way to work and kissed Xander on the temple.  Faith shook her head.  "She must be late."

"Yup.  Probably since she was due in an hour ago."  Faith winced.  "She might've changed her schedule though."

"Maybe, but she's closer now."

"So maybe it was a coven thing."  He shrugged and they ordered.  Xander paid the check and they ate.  It was good for them.  Then she walked Xander home and handed him to Ezra.  "Make him sleep.  He hasn't yet."

"I heard him typing on and off all night."  He handed him to his mate, who would know how to finesse the younger him into a nap at the very least.  "Is everything all right?"

"Mostly.  The Council decided he could come back as long as he didn't bring any reporters."  She shrugged.  Then she pulled him closer.  "He has a box of threats?" she asked very quietly.

He nodded.  "I believe that was found, yes."  She smiled and left.  He went to look them over.  He knew his mate was worried about such things.  Some may be more serious than others.

***

Faith walked up to where the guys were working on a scene.  "Who gets it when his PO box gets a new bomb?" she asked Esposito.  She liked him.  Detective Ryan reminded her of Xander only nicer but less goofy.

"He has a PO box?" he asked.

She nodded.  "Yeah, so they'd quit sending threats to the publisher."

"Huh," he said, considering that.  "The Post Office Authority would send it to someone NYPD or FBI probably."

She smirked.  "Two bombs now he said."

"Interesting.  Who would get that?" he asked Beckett.

"Mail fraud is FBI so probably them for that too.  How many does he have?"

"A box.  Is that normal?" she asked Castle.

"Someone like the lady who wrote _Harry Potter_ probably has a few from some religious sorts who like to burn her books and try to ban them."  He considered it.  "I'd guess a shoe box maybe?"

She shrugged.  "No clue.  He just said a box."

He called Paula.  "Who handles Xander's death threats?"  He listened.  "No, he's got a PO box so they quit worrying your staff.  Probably because he worried he'd be dropped if there were too many of them.  Faith heard two bombs there."  She muttered something.  "Please do.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "She's going to search his closet."

"Anything like that he keeps in T's storage area," she said with a smug look.  She left them alone.  "Also, his father's due out in a week."

"Damn it," Ryan muttered.  "That's hopefully not going to be a problem."

"As long as he goes back to California, it shouldn't be," Beckett said.

"They only give you sixty bucks," Esposito said.  "I doubt he had any on him with how much of the bar he had sucked up."

"Maybe I can talk the kid into fronting him a plane ticket to get him out of the city."  Rick considered it.  He texted Paula to be sneaky this time.  And why.  What he had seen yesterday was not a good look on the kid.  He had looked almost depressed, maybe even a bit desperate.

They got back to work on the current dead body.   Fortunately the week was nearly done and this was the only one they had.

***

Paula walked into Beckett's office with another officer and an agent.  "All right," she said, putting down a large box.  "His threat box.  This is Agent Dormers.  He handled both bombs that got sent to him.  This is Detective Philips, he's handled a few other threats that have been made and tipped to the NYPD."  She smiled.  "Tell me what I need to do to protect my author better."

Beckett looked at the box.  "How many of those are from the seventeen contracts on his life?"

"None," she said.  Paula smirked.   "He said he was trying to protect us and so the higher ups wouldn't worry he was too much stress.  I told him I get more death threats for Rick than I do him, and most of his just want to date him.  It's amazing, it looks like he lost five years of worry."  She waved a hand.  "Let me know what you three decide, people.  Rick, you have an interview in twenty minutes, you had better be heading," she ordered.  "And change in the car!"  He checked his phone on the way out the door.  She walked out the door happier.

"Personally I think the kid's just scared of her yelling," Agent Dormers said dryly.

"Possibly.  She is technically his boss."  They got into the death threat list, the other cases involving him.  Esposito rolled his chair over to share what he had pulled up with the kids' name on it, which Detective Philips didn't know about.  Ryan came over with coffee for everyone and added in the recent bad girls he had dated.  They decided to sort things into danger categories.  They started with the least dangerous to make sure they were in jail.  Most were so they moved on.  The really dangerous category were usually larger things that it would take federal agents to clear up.  A law firm.  The Watchers Council idiots.  A few other higher beings.

The captain came out.  "Over this dead body or another one?"

"A future one if we don't get some things under control and teach a certain author that not telling us stresses us all out more worrying."  She handed over something.  "Last month's."

"Dear God," he muttered, reading it over.  "Why didn't he tell us?"

"He didn't want to bother us," Ryan quipped.

"Thought we'd get tired of him," Esposito added.  He smirked.  "I'm going to smack him upside his pointy head."

"Let Paula."  She looked at them.  "We need to help him make new friends.  Ones who appreciate him."  The guys nodded.  "Does he hang out with you two?"

"We've never asked," Esposito said, looking at his partner, who shook his head.  "We can ask."

"He'd probably say you two were doing cop things," the Captain said dryly.  "Or that he doesn't do things like Rick would so you guys wouldn't do lower class stuff with him."

"Probably," she agreed.  She called their apartment.  "Go to Great Escape today or tomorrow if you're still here.  Yes, that's an amusement park upstate.  It could be good for both of them.  Yours is uptight and never gets to go have fun."  She hung up.  "That will help them all."

"Probably, yeah," Esposito said with a grin.  "He could use more fun."

"Though a boyfriend or girlfriend might help," Ryan added.  "It helps my moods at times."  His partner nudged him, giving him a dirty look.  "It does yours too when you date."

Agent Dormers shook his head.  "Now I remember why I left the Chicago PD to go Fed."  They all smirked at him.  "No, I'm not a natural born Fed.  I'm a naturalized citizen of that colony."  They all smirked.  "Can't your helpful author sort introduce him?"

"They all think he's goofy and a bit odd," Beckett said.  "Though his poker buddies seemed to like him."

"Maybe another convention somewhere?" Ryan suggested.

"I like the idea of a whirlwind world tour," Esposito said.  "He seemed to be really excited most of the last one."  They all nodded.  "I know most of the women I've asked if they knew anyone, because most of the ones I know are too straight for him, either didn't like that he was bi or didn't like that he was employed that way.  It wasn't 'stable'.  And then after the battle it was 'soldier' syndrome."

Beckett nodded.  "All my female friends said that same thing.  One was interested until I said that usually he dates bad girls and needs someone nicer and decent this time.  I didn't even think about the bi part."  She considered it.  "I wonder if the others we've worked with are asking."  She texted Flack, they had kept in touch over things in the city, and asked him if he knew anyone.  He sent back that he was on a scene but yeah, his sister's friends all thought he was hot but slightly nuts and they were scared of being added into a book if they fought.  "That's the other problem I've seen."

"What if he puts me in a book and it's not flattering," Ryan guessed.  She nodded.  "My sister said the same thing.  Maybe if we asked Winchester?"  He texted Sam, who sent back that he had offered to introduce a few but with the whole hunting community in a pissy mood it was probably a bad idea.  "Pity."

"The only non-bad girl he had was Castle's ex," Esposito said.

"Who was scarily like his one that became a nun," she reminded him.  "I think he needs better than a slut with money grabbing ways."  They all nodded at that.  "Maybe a soldier?"

"Two soldier relationships can work well," Esposito said.  "The most stable one I know is two people who met in Iraq."  He called her to talk to her, walking off.  He came back with a grin.  "She said he's more dangerous than most soldiers and she'd try to mine some of her contacts.  Including some of the guys she knows are bi."

Detective Philips looked at them.  "Do all of your ride alongs go this way?"

"Harris doesn't ride along.  We met him because one of his girlfriends got killed," Esposito said with a smile.  "He knew Castle as a writing mentor."

"Ah."  Dormer nodded too.  "So he's not officially one of yours."

"No, we just arrest all his dates, take his weapons, talk to him when things happen here in the city and he had to step into them," Beckett said dryly.  They grinned at her.  "He's mostly a goofy, nice kid."

"How old is he?" Dormer asked.

"Twenty-three I think," Ryan said.

"And a five year combat vet," Esposito added.  "Plus minor things since then every few months."

Castle walked in shaking his head.  "The reporters asked me if I was dating Xander or Faith."

"Could those two date?" Ryan asked Beckett.

"No," Castle said.  "They had a fling once.  He was there when she went bad for a bit, but she treats him like he treats Tara, only less overprotective."  He sat down to look at the piles on her desk.  "New information?"

"His death threat box."  She looked at him.  "He didn't want to worry anyone so when he said that the company turns in all death threats, he rented a PO box."  Castle rolled his eyes.

"Two bombs so far," Dormer said with a smile.  "This is the pile of ones he took home plus the paid contracts on his life."

Castle looked.  "Where's his father's?  He's been sending threats the whole time."

"Do we think we can arrange for him to go home immediately?" she asked him.

"No.  His father would sell the bus ticket for booze and he really wants to get Xander.  Since all that press attention after the battle showed his building, someone in the idiot groups put his address online."

"I saw that but it's up the road," Ryan told him.

"I know.  Have we warned the people in that building he might show up?"

"We think so?"

"Yeah, Tara was pretty certain it might.  Apparently she caught the tail end of a vision about it and sent them a nice letter explaining that so they could take some precautions.  There is a Harris Anthony that lives there."  They all moaned.  "Also he gets out tomorrow not next week.  I looked that up on the prisoner information site."

"A whole week off for good behavior?" Esposito said dryly.

"Apparently."

Dormer shook his head.  "The one who lives in that other building, he was warned?"

"She sent a letter.  Plus to the people who're rebuilding his old place.  Just in case."

"I suggested they go to Great Escape tomorrow," Beckett said.

"They could both use it," he agreed with a smile.   "The other one needs to relax."

"I'd be uptight in his job too," the captain said as he walked around them for coffee.  "Make sure he sent notices to those who preceded him to let them know it might happen?"

"He has," she assured him.  She looked at Castle.  "Any good ideas on how to help him?"

"Bodyguards?  He could use someone to talk to.  Since Tara moved in with Beth, it's been him and the kittens."

"Good point."  She considered that.  "Housekeeper?"

"Could help him but it'd let him get sucked in more often," Castle said.  "He has one that pops in once a week.  He has since they moved there."

"Any idea on a good boy or girlfriend?"

"I've introduced him to all the decent people I know.  The others, I wouldn't want a squirrel dating.  Even the evil, aggressive ones."

"Can't he go out and date like a normal person?" Dormer asked.

Castle shook his head.  "He's kind of socially awkward and a bit shy.  If he's part of a group it's mostly okay and his goofiness is a cover for some of that.  If things are being focused on him, we're lucky he doesn't stutter like Tara used to."

"Okay," she said, considering that.  "I haven't seen that."

"You also don't get to see him in social situations.  He's pretty decent at putting up a cheerful, slightly suave facade for signings.  The award show nearly made him drink."  She grimaced.  "Most of the time at signings he'll act like he would expect a real author to act toward him as a fan.  He's good enough to do that.  I think that's all tied into his 'I'm fine' thing as well.  That has to be part of it."

"His level of 'I'm fine' syndrome usually hides a deep well of some sort of emotional issue," the captain said.  "Depression, anxiety..."

"Possibly and very light unless he's the complete focus of attention.  Now, he'll forget sometimes if people talk back to him.  Like at conventions and he's answering questions on a panel.  But if he had to give a speech he'd probably die.  Unless it was right before a battle and a pep speech."  He got comfortable.  "Also, he's a lot more comfortable being the hunted instead of the hunter when it comes to relationships.  I'm not sure he's fully comfortable with picking up someone for more than sex.  And even then, most of them hunt him down and he just says 'sure'.  He does try to use some really horrible pick up lines."

"If you look at all his bad girls, they all said that they approached him," Esposito said.  Castle nodded.  "What if it's a guy?"

"Then the same rules probably apply and someone who's mildly in control without being dominant would be a good thing.  Xander's letting his muses rule him.  He gets lost, lets them revel, all that.  If he had someone else there to pay attention to it would help but if they were a bit ....  I don't want to say pushy but maybe 'since you're home you can do dinner' sort without being overly obnoxious and treating him like a submissive it could help."

"Yeah, I can't see him going sub," Ryan admitted.  "For anyone."

"No, he'd be the world's most mouthy sub.  That whole sort of lifestyle would probably drive him off dating.  And he can get physically aggressive when he wants to, but he has to have someone who wants that.  His pathetic bad girl society have all been a lot like Faith seems in some ways."

"Pleasure me and be a good boy?" Beckett guessed.  Castle nodded.  "So we need to find someone who'll introduce themselves and do the first few steps."

"Yup.  And someone's who's real flexible about some things since Xander forgot to do the dishes last night."

"That happens to normal people."

He looked at her.  "How many people wouldn't see a writer sitting home all day as someone who could do that?"

"Good point.  What if he just got a roommate?"

"They'd have to be someone like Dean or Sam, who understood his past.  Otherwise they'd drive him nuts."

"I guess that's a good point."  She looked at the others.  "Know anyone?"

"A few agents but his ratings all say to leave him alone."  They smirked.  "How do we cut down on some of these?"

"If someone could finish fixing the Council from the inside, I'd welcome it but with a second threat from them I'm sure it won't happen.  This law firm is worrying."

"They're the demonic law firm," Castle said.

"Huh.  That figures in a lot of ways."  They went back over them to see where they, as normal people, could help.  And if Rick told the people out in LA that they found another death threat against Xander for the hunting stuff, maybe it'd make them appreciate him again.

***

"We leave in an hour and a half or so," Ezra said when his Xander hung up.

Xander stared at him then called someone.  "It's Xander from over there.  Can you tell the ones there to give us an extra hour their time?  That should give us a day and we're going to an amusement park.  Thank you."  He smiled and hung up.  "She can do that."

"The others will worry."

"I'm sure he'll tell them he was asked for it."  He pulled him closer to kiss.  "We can go up today."  Ezra smiled and nodded, going off with him.  The younger Xander had been taken by Willow for some reason.  It might not be a good thing but he'd handle it and fly home or something.  He had his wallet on him.  Xander came back to put his laptop in the special fireproof drawer and safe.  Then he left again.  It was only a few hours outside the city and it was a pretty day for a drive.

***

Xander came back from LA and found people in his apartment but it was nice that he knew them.  "What are you four doing?" he said dryly.  The people all jumped.  He stared.  "Well?"

"We're looking for something that you got given, sir," one of the agents said.

Xander nodded.  "Have you presented me with a search warrant?"

"We don't have to."  He smirked.  Xander hit the button on his alarm.  "We disconnected that already."

"That's cool."  He threw something at them and the gas went off, making them all fall down.  "Thank you for making a mess for my housekeeper.  She might not say it but she adores cleaning things up."  He called on his cellphone.  "This is Alexander Harris and I walked into my house to find some suspicious people who claim to be agents, said they didn't need a warrant to search my house for some reason, and they turned off my alarm system.

"Though, they're people I caught torturing demons a few years back so they're probably not totally what they say they are.  Can I have an officer come arrest them before I kill them?  Thank you."  He hung up after giving his address.  He checked, his cats were all in a bathroom and one had a lot of scratches so apparently he was the unlucky asshole who had to try to catch them.  Someone knocked.  "If that's the NYPD please come in."

Someone opened the door.  "No, I'm not."  He smirked, pulling up a gun.  "Let's go, Harris."

"Um, no.  Sorry."  He leaned against something, which activated it.  "Aren't you in jail, Finn?  I could've sworn they arrested you for outing the Stargate program."

"That was my wife."

"Hmm.  Yeah, I heard about that too."  He stared at him.  "Pity.  Isn't she enjoying it?"

"You'll find out."  He pulled his ID.  "Federal Agent."

"I doubt it since he was arrested for outing government secrets," Xander said dryly.  The officers came in.  "And yeah, even if you were still an agent, you'd still need a warrant to search my place.  Even a secret one."

"They would," the officer in the doorway agreed.   "What happened to them?"

"Knock out gas.  I find it's an appropriate response to finding people in my house."  He looked at the officer.  "Especially ones I know aren't agents."

They nodded and came in to search them.  "They have credentials from the NSA, sir."

"The NSA wouldn't need to search my house either.  If they really wanted to they'd just tap into my laptop via my 'net connection," he said dryly.  "And I don't do things the NSA would worry about.  Even then, they'd still need a warrant to search my house, yes?"

"Yes," the officers all said.

"Then can you please clear this up and remove them?  Before I lose my fucking temper?  I've already lost it once today.  That's why I have blood on me."  They all stared at him.  He smirked.  "Someone in LA got bitchy that I said to screw themselves.  Probably because of his sort.  After all, it was his ex.  Thankfully the other slayer isn't like that."

"She's nothing," Riley snorted.

"Really?  And yet she's actually a lot better in a lot of ways.  Including having turned herself around.  Unlike you."  He stared at him.  "I'd so go, Riley.  Today."  Riley cocked his gun.  "I'm not going anywhere with you, fake creds or not.  And if you try, I'm going to kill your ass."

"Sir, if he wants to arrest you," one of the officers said.

"He got fired for outing national secrets.  He's the leak that let people know about the stargate program.  There's no way any agency rehired him."

"Good point.  He doesn't have a warrant for your arrest either."

"I don't need one," Riley said dryly.

Xander stared at him.  "Yeah, you do.  That's the law," he shot back with a smug grin.  Riley shot at his wall above Xander's head.  Xander threw a knife and it landed in the dip at the bottom of Riley's throat.  "Really, dear?  Are you that stupid?"  He walked over, staring down at the choking, rolling around man.  "Did you think I didn't learn a damn thing either?"  He stared at him.  "So why are you really here?  I doubt the officers want to watch me torture your ass but with the mood I'm in, it's not a bad idea."

"Sir, let us," the officer in charge ordered.

"Please do because I'm in a fucking *wonderful* mood now," he offered, stepping back.  "Oh, the scratches on that one are because they hurt my cats."

"Are they at the vet's?"

"They're in the bathroom but they're hiding even from me."  One went to check.

"Sir, one has a bite on his ear."

Xander looked at him.  "They're going to the vets in a moment.  When I'm calmer."  He called Beth.  "Please come get our cats and take them to the vet's and do warn Tara that Riley fucking Finn showed up trying to kidnap me with a few goons to tear up my place.  No.  One has a bite on his ear.  They were roughed up when they were put into the bathroom by the idiots.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "My former roommate's girlfriend is coming to pick them up."

"That'd be fine, sir.  We should probably bring you down too just in case they are valid agents."  He called his boss to check on that.  "Please."

Xander held up a hand and searched around, finding a few things.  "Sure, if you get SWAT here," he said, looking at the bomb on his desk.  "I can't disarm that and it's got about fifteen minutes."  They made the frantic call and a bomb sniffing dog got there first to find any others.  There was one in with the cats.  Xander carefully got them into a carrier for Beth.  One had what looked like a cut.

Xander walked out and kicked one of the unconscious ones, making him whimper and curl around his broken rib.  "I'm going to fuck up your world."  The man blinked at him.  "Yes, you.  I'm going to destroy your fucking universe."  He smirked.  "I'm sure you'll be very happy taking it up the ass in jail."  The bomb tech walked in.  "In the bathroom, on my desk, and they're still searching the other rooms."  He went that way.  Beckett showed up.  "Hi.  Did they call you too?"

"Yes.  Because you're scary."

"I'm going to kill this one for hurting my cats.  And then the rest for trying to kill my apartment."  He smirked.  "And then them for daring to try to kidnap me.  How was your day?"

She stared at him.  "I heard you got sent to LA for a talk."

"Yeah, with Miss Special Girl.  So I was in a wonderful mood when I walked into this.  Thankfully I lost my temper out there too."  She shuddered.  "I'm about to lose it again."  He rubbed his thigh.  "Riley claimed he was NSA."

"Castle called and said they're not on any federal employee list anymore.  He has contacts in the CIA."

Xander found his phone book and called someone.  "Bob, it's Xander Harris.  I have a five person team here claiming to be your agency.  Finn, Riley.  Yeah, his sort.  Please.  The officers wanted to make sure."  He listened.  Then he put him on speaker.

"They are on special assignment, Xander.  They are not part of the agency and they are not to come near you.  They were told to gather a target that would get O'Neill to cooperate with someone higher up for a bit."

"So their job was to kidnap me even though Jack and I are only casually acquainted?"

"I think they decided you were enough because O'Neill is a hero."  Xander got his old phone and dialed it.  "What are you doing?"

"Calling someone to warn them who's closer to him and injured the last I heard."  He put them on speaker.  "So, this plot against O'Neill by kidnaping someone?  Whose bright idea?  Any idea?"

"Not that I can share, Harris.  I have no idea why they thought you'd be easier."

"Well, they hurt the cats.  They put multiple bombs in my apartment.  Finn tried to get the officers I asked to come clean up my mess to let me be taken.  He claimed he didn't need a warrant."

"No, the NSA still has to have a warrant, though they don't always remember that.  Though, looking at your file you're already listed as MIA."

"Interesting.  Was that MIA in LA?  Or now?"

"Doesn't say."  He clicked a few things.  "No, LA."

"Ah, so it was a plot.   Miss Special Girl had better have been brainwashed.  Beth, they're in her bedroom."  She nodded and walked around Beckett.  "She's getting the cats to the vets, guys."  They let her.  "Anything else I should know to finish pissing me off, Bob?  Please?"

"Not yet, Xander.  I think Buffy may have been brainwashed."

"She's needed her brain washed for years.  It's been slow since Willow found magic.  Thanks, Bob."  He hung up, looking at the officers.  "Do I need to go fill out reports or can I go solve my temper on someone?"  He hung up the other phone.

"Who?" she asked with a point.

"O'Neill's former teammate who's got a broken leg so he's on base."  He smirked.  She smirked back.  "He's also the toughest geek anyone has ever seen."  He leaned against a wall.  "Guys, can you help Beth get the cats down to the cab?"  They nodded, one of the officers helping her.  "Is the drawer on my desk sealed?" he called.

"Yes, sir."  He came out with the bomb.  "That heavy, shielded one?  It's locked.  I checked it and opened it.  Your laptop is in there."

Xander nodded, going to get it and his backup drives, then packed a bag and grabbed his ID and wallet things from underneath one of the commandos.  He looked at Beckett.  "Can we suggest a nice, safe place?"

"Yeah, I can drop you there, Xander."  He nodded, going with her.  "Guys, clean them up.  I want them in the cells in my unit now."  The officers nodded and followed.  Xander handed the bomb tech the keys.  He'd probably be the last out anyway.  He grinned.  "Thank you."  She walked Xander off.  "Thank you for letting others handle it."

"I'm going to lose my temper in a way that would mean I'd be chopping trees with a much smaller axe this time," he said calmly.  "Just... please get me somewhere I can rant and scream for a minute?"

"Gladly."  She took him to the station to do a report, letting him rant and scream in the gym for now.  He needed the space to pace, with a limp, and was swearing in multiple languages.  "Xander, let me get the local block doc to look at your leg," she called when he calmed down some.  He looked at her.  "I can ask our ME."

"Not the strangest doc I've ever seen," he said dryly.  He kicked something hard, creating a dent.  Then he took a deep breath and rubbed the injured area on that thigh.  "I might need a bandage change if I can bum one."

"Let me get this done officially so it's part of the report.  That way they can get the little bitch in LA too."

"She's important."

"So?"  He looked at her.  "They can at least scare the hell out of her.  Jail does it really fast to most people."  He swallowed.  "C'mon."  She led him to the block doc.  "Guys, I need him examined for a report.  I know he has a two-day-old injury on one thigh."

"Ten stitches," he said.  "Knife wound."  They nodded, taking him to a private office to check him over and then clean up the other wounds they found.

She watched.  The fact he wasn't complaining meant he was still very upset and she probably needed to see how bad it really was.  She walked in and looked at his back then at him.  "Claws?"

"Something waiting with her," he said quietly, looking down.  "I feel like an abuse victim right now.  Even with my parents, I never felt that way before."

She touched his shoulder.  "You're not.  You just have some really stupid friends who need their butts kicked."  He nodded once, looking down again.  She patted him and went to get Ryan to calm him down.  He reacted well to him.  She found him at his desk joking.  "Go take a statement from Harris about what happened in LA."

He looked at her.  "What happened in LA?"

"His friend's brainwashed and had him attacked."  He hopped up and went up the hall she had come up.  "He's with the block doc."  She sat down, looking at Esposito.  "Are the uniforms here with the supposed federal agents yet?"

"I was wondering why they said you were arresting someone.  They're in two.  What happened?"

She smirked.  "Give me a minute."  She called someone she had in her contact list.  "General, Detective Beckett.  Have you been told by your friend on base who is a very tough geek about the plot to get you to do something?"  She listened.   "Yes, that one.  They're here.  I'm going to question them.  Is there anything you'd like to know beyond who?  No, it was his second one today.  Thank you."  She hung up and he appeared a few minutes later.  "They're in interrogation room two."

"Let's go talk to them."

"A few are probably sleepy.  He gassed them."

"He did when he was attacked in England too.  It's one method I approve of.  Leaves us people to chat with."  He followed her, going to talk to the idiots.  "Ahh, Finn.  They let you out?"

"That was my wife," he growled.

"Hmm."  He stared at him.  "Let's talk, shall we?"  He slammed the door shut, waking the other ones.  "You're disgraces to the uniforms."

***

Xander was in his warehouse that night, which had a lot of security advantages.  Including the fact it was so large no one could find the apartment portion he had set up.  The cats were resting there after earlier.  Tara had picked them up since he had been at the station.  Now Xander was cleaning weapons to calm himself down.  He looked up when someone flashed in.  "I don't give a damn who brainwashed her."

"It's not...."

He stared.  "Really?  You want to tell that to my new fifty-eight stitches?"  She flinched.  "I don't care.  Please go."  Willow nodded and took the baby back with her.  Xander went back to cleaning weapons.  He heard someone come in and the alarm was readjusted so it was someone he knew pretty well.  Or Dean and Sam.  As it turns out it was Sam.  He shrugged when Sam walked in and looked at him.  "I don't care."

"I wouldn't.  Who called?"

"Willow showed up with the baby."

"She needs to quit before the baby gets a magical charge."  He sat down beside him on the old sofa, getting comfortable.  "You need to talk?"

"No, I need to beat the shit out of someone.  I'm in no shape to do it though."

"That's a good point."  He saw the flinch when he touched him.  "I've never hurt you, Xander."

"It's...."

"I get why."  He pulled him closer to hug him.  Xander finally relaxed against his side, which made the cats happier.  One came over to sniff at Sam and laid down in their laps.  "Hi, friendly."  He petted her too.  He was stroking over Xander's hair too to calm him down.  It was clearly a bad day all around.  He was good at comforting after bad days.

***

Xander and Ezra were in the middle of the amusement park, smiling and laughing at some kids running around loudly when they got brought back.  He grinned at the guards.  "Best date night ever," he whispered, kissing Ezra.  Who smiled back.  "Let's watch some tv with the dogs?"

"I could like that, yes."  He walked up there while Xander handled the press secretary doing the potty dance waiting on them.

Xander looked at him.  "Problems?"

"Which world leaders are you inviting to the wedding?"

"None."  He walked into the press room.  "Guys, to clear up a rumor.  Our wedding is not a national event.  It's not for other world leaders.  If we had wanted other world leaders and an event like that, we'd be having it here at the White House.  Since we're having it in Denver, it's a personal, private event with friends and near family.  No world leaders are that close to us."

"Cole in England?" one offered.

"We're very tight acquaintances.  A friend is someone I'd get up in the middle of the night to help dismember a body.  An acquaintance is one I'd wake up to talk to if they needed me to.  We're on that level.  I'll listen to him bitch but if there's a body to chop up I'll get to it in the morning."  They all laughed.  "The only internationally known person invited is a general who saved my life twice while I was in Africa.  Okay?"

"Are your parents invited?"

"No."

"Is his mother?"

"Don't know.  That's his part of the guest list and I haven't seen it yet.   Ask him."  He smiled.  "To help cure the slighted egos from not making this a public ceremony, we have decided to host a charity dinner a few days after we get back from our honeymoon.  That will let anyone who wants to bask in our newly wedded bliss come help us help some children that need it."

One reporter raised her hand.  "You're going where on your honeymoon?"

"Nowhere you guys will be allowed," he said dryly.  "We're not traveling if that's what you're asking.  We just want a few days of quiet and then I'll be back behind the desk."

"So a very short honeymoon?"

"In a few years I'll have all the time I want for a real honeymoon."  He grinned.  "Anything else pointless?  You're ruining my mood from the best date ever."

"Any details you want to slip?"

"I never want to slip any details."  He walked off, leaving them wondering.  He went up to cuddle with Ezra and the dogs, who gave him confused looks.  "I know he had cats," he said, petting them.  "They fit in your lap, unlike you two."  They settled in to lean on and across them.  Ezra kissed him.  "I laid down the law about it not being for diplomats."

"Thank you."

"They wanted to know about your mother coming; I told them to ask you."

Ezra smiled.  "I'll ignore them for a few days."  He started the DVD player and it was nice.  Very good for them as a couple.  Even when Chris Larabee walked in and scowled.  "We were at an amusement park."

"That's good."  He looked them over.  "Get comfy, guys.  If an emergency comes up tonight, Evan's pissed off in the office."  They grinned so he left them alone.  He knew that smile on Ezra's face.  He was quickly coming to realize Xander's version of it too.

***

Jack O'Neill got back from arresting someone for having plots against him and the SGC to find a message waiting on him.  From someone who looked a whole lot like Xander.  He started the video message and watched, giving the monitor a horrified look.  "No, no no no no!  Hell no!" he shouted.

His assistant looked at the closed door, shaking his head.  "Wonder what Landry did this time," he muttered, going back to his duties.  Which included making a report on what the general was doing.

***

Six weeks later, on Atlantis, John got the video tape and sat down to watch it in the tv room.  The very Xander looking guy, who was older and only had one eye, was giving him that pitying look.  That boded ill.  Then he heard why.  He started to whimper and moan, curling up on the couch.  The Marines in there with him were so scared they called McKay down to figure out how to kill whatever was doing it to him and put the base on lock down.

McKay walked in.  "What happened?"

"He turned on the video tape and is acting like it's going to eat him."

Rodney rewound it and stared.  "That's Xander."  He turned it up so they could all hear, not just John's bug-enhanced hearing.  He stared, whimpering too.  "Oh dear Newton that's horrible!" he shouted.  "Major Lorne to the tv room for a portent of doom," he called over the comm.  He came jogging in, already armed.  McKay rewound it so he could hear it too.

"I'll die out here," Evan said.  "If O'Neill is ever elected president.  Just in case."  John started to nod violently.  "Calm down, sir.  We can both die out here."

"Yup," he managed to squeak out.  "Do we think O'Neill heard?"

Rodney ejected the tape and took it with him.  "I'll mail it to him.  Just in case.  You two calm down.  Take the base off lockdown, boys.  He got some potentially bad news."  Woolsey was staring at him in a 'give me what I want to know' way.  "There was another Xander that showed up for a while."

"Why?"

"I don't know but in his world, he was first John's Vice President and then took over the Presidential job from him."

"Of what company?" Woolsey asked.

"The United States.  Sheppard and O'Neill served first."

Woolsey shuddered.  "That's a very bad thought.  Jack O'Neill would ruin the US.  Can we stop that from happening?"

"I'm going to email this to O'Neill immediately."  He got into the camera that taped but you could hook up to a computer to turn the tape into a digital copy.  That he emailed down to earth and O'Neill's inbox.  That way they *never* had to see John Sheppard as president here.  That poor world must be insane!

***

O'Neill met with the president after getting Rodney's email, looking at him.  "Sir, was there another plot that I needed to hear about?"

"I've heard some rumors that someone wanted you to take my job?"

Jack moaned, shaking his head.  He used his new tech toy to get into his email.  Carter had claimed he wouldn't be able to ruin it unless he threw it onto a freeway or drowned it on purpose.  He showed him the video message.  The president watched, giving him an odd look.  "I have no idea, sir, and it's not really on my agenda.  Or on Sheppard's agenda.  I'm told he went into such a bad state they locked down the city until he could calm down."

"That's good to know."  He smiled.  "You do have that scary nature; no one would screw with the US again."

"Sir, do you remember me messing up paperwork for the program?" he asked dryly.  "And how many problems I caused there?"

"Yes."

"Do you really think I wouldn't screw up this job horribly worse than that?"

"No," he admitted but he smiled.  "Are you sure?  I probably can't get you the right notice for this upcoming election, which is a shame because we have idiots running who want to cut your program, but the next one definitely."

Jack stared at him.  "If they cut our program, I'm letting Sheppard fly Atlantis back here and letting the wraith follow."  He smirked.  "I hate politicians, sir.  We all know that."

"I know you consider them a disease, General.  Relax.  I'm only teasing."

"That's fine, sir.  Beyond that, I'm much too ugly for the White House jobs.  You need pretty people that others look up to."

"Do you think Sheppard might come around to save your program?"

"No.  John's a warhorse, like I am.  Now, Evan Lorne.... he does have politicians infecting his family tree."

The president laughed.  "I know him.  I'll ask."  Jack smirked.  "It would solve a lot of problems."

"So would a good attack but we hate to let one happen."

"Any idea if there's any demon ones coming up?"

"I can't get hold of Harris right now.  Not since Finn's thing at his house.  Which means he's probably in protective custody, I hope, and I left a message for a detective we both know to ask."

"That'll be good to know."

Jack tapped his comm earpiece.  "What's that, Walter?"  He listened.  "How in the hell?" he muttered.  "What did the huge, scary looking demon want?"  He listened.  "I see.  All right I can talk to him and make him quit worrying everyone.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "The demons are worried because Summers was recently brainwashed and Harris is being thought of as depressed.  There was a massive personal fight I'm told and he got injured.  Let me go to New York."

"Have fun, General, and ask Major Lorne.  His service would look good to the people."  Jack smirked as he disappeared.  As a precaution, he sent his own email out to the major.  He would make an excellent if fussy president.  He was handsome, young, but had ideas.  He could be very uniting for the earth.

***

Jack was let into the warehouse by Detective Ryan, who walked him back to the apartment part.  Jack picked up a cat who was out exploring.  "Are you supposed to be out here?"

"No.  They're not."  They found Xander sleeping for a change and settled in to wait.  The demon community in New York had come to him and Faith to talk about him needing something too.

Jack frowned.  "He's got a fever."  He got up to test his forehead.  "Geez," he muttered, calling someone.  "Doctor Lam, would you like to come check your favorite patient?  Yes, that one."  He hung up when she got beamed over.  "I don't know what happened."

"I do," Detective Ryan admitted, waking Xander up.  He blinked at them.  "Are some of those infected?"

"I took stuff," he mumbled, putting his head back down.  He checked, no cats.  "Are they loose?"

"They'll come back for food," Ryan assured him, going to pour some out.  Sure enough, it took a few minutes but they all wandered in to eat.  One even brought the mouse she had caught.  "Good job, Homer."  He petted her and closed the door.   Doctor Lam was muttering as she checked his back.  "Miss Summers was out of her mind and had him attacked by something huge.  Our block doc stitched him.  The one on his thigh is older by two days."

She stared at him.  "What one on his thigh?"

"Knife fight with a demon."  She cut his pants off him too, making him mumble something.  She checked, it was infected too.  "I'm seeing slime."  She cleaned it off and more appeared.  "That's not typical."

Ryan called Dean.  "I need a protection around Xander.  Someone is sending slime at him."  He listened, looking at the books in there.  He went to the office.  "Yeah, he has that second one."  He found the right page and some chalk.  He walked back, drawing around the room itself.  "It can stretch, right?  Around the room?  Doesn't have to be a circle?  Thanks."  He hung up and finished it.  It flashed mutely then went still.  He nodded and she cleaned it off, showing that more was coming out of him.  She cut the stitches and got some sterile water to rinse it out.  A small thing fell out.  "That's not his.  Our block doc didn't have to touch that."

"No, it was probably sent into it," she admitted.  "The others aren't deep enough for it to be hidden."  She packed that wound to finish cleaning it out and cleaned the others then came back to remove the packing gauze and rinse it again.  Then she repacked it and bandaged it.  "I can't stitch that up again."  She jabbed him with a needle from her bag.  "Antibiotic should help too."  She stroked over his head when he mumbled.  "I know, you don't like needles.  Sorry."  He shrugged and winced.  She found a few smaller cuts that looked more fresh.  One was even bleeding.  "Did someone take you to beat you today?"  He nodded, and mumbled something, trying to stretch.  "Oh, no."

"Concussion?" Jack guessed.

"No, his last one didn't make him mumble."  She checked for one anyway.  Small lump but nothing like that.  This time, someone took him, her, and O'Neill.  Which made them really unhappy when she opened up her specially trained can of whoop ass and helped the general beat them to death.  They got sent back before they all died but that was practical.  Detective Ryan was already calling Faith, who went to stop that.  Then he added a second protection he had found.  That started a small wind until he found where he had messed up and fixed it.  "You'd figure hell's winds would be warmer," she quipped.

"The long distance it traveled cooled it I guess," O'Neill quipped, grinning at the young detective.  "Thanks."

"I like Xander.  He's a really nice guy."  He came over to help.  "Xander?"  Xander blinked at him.  "Can I help?"

"Just go be safe and Tara gets the kitties," he said, closing his eyes again.

"No way in hell you're dying on us, kid."  He looked at the doc, who shrugged and shook her head.  "Want the ER?"

"Hell no."

"Okay."  He petted over his head.  Xander fell asleep again.  "I don't know, Doc."

"I don't either.  He's not that sick.  Though the infection is a worry."

"Scan him," Jack ordered.  "Detective, you don't see this."

"I do that sometimes.  Miss whole important things," he quipped with a smirk.

She pulled out a scanner to look him over.  She tipped her head.  "No wonder.  I need a knife and I didn't bring a scalpel."  Ryan found one and handed it over.  She tested it.  "It's sharp enough."  She pulled out the bone shard and scanned just that.  It was full of an antibody he now had.

"That's what's making him sick.  We need to get him into quarantine."  Detective Ryan called that in and got the cats settled in the bedroom.  Only one wasn't.  He even scooped and refilled the litter box for them.  The paramedics came in.  "Someone stabbed him with a bone containing this," she said, showing the reading.

"I didn't know we had those yet," the paramedic said, looking at it.  "That's neat."

She smiled.  "I'm SGC, boys."  They nodded, looking respectful.  "He's helped us in the past with something.  He's showing about ten parts per million right now.  That's enough to clearly make him sick as hell.  So let's get him set up in a quarantine room at whichever hospital is supposed to do that."  She wrote out a note.  "For the virologist they had *better* call."

"Go," Jack ordered.  She nodded, going with him.  The note got tossed out.  Jack called someone.  "Tara, Jack O'Neill.  We found an infected bone shard with something.  Doctor Lam is taking him to quarantine.  Yes.  Not bad, not too horrible but just in case.  Yes.  The cats are here at the warehouse."  He saved the nice detective from the one that had pounced his head and shoulders, putting her back on the bed.  "Thanks, Tara."  He hung up.  "She'll come watch them later."

"Sure.  Let me tell Beckett."  He left with the general, closing up the warehouse again.  Tara had keys and the alarm code.

***

Paula stomped off the elevator at the hospital.  "Who did it?" she demanded.

"Not sure yet," Beckett admitted.  "It's been a hell of a day for him, literally."  She stared in at the bubbled off room.  Xander wasn't totally sick but he was in pretty nasty shape.  "This should go really well with the other two he carries."

"Is there any chance he did that to himself?" a doctor asked.

"No, he was working construction and fell into a burial chamber of some natives.  That was back in Sunnydale."

"Oh.  How did he get this one?"

"Bone shard but he's been attacked a few times by demons.  We're pretty sure it was one of them."

Dean strolled up.  "You'd be right but Sammy found them and threw a fit to end them all.  Dad helped.  Some of the other hunters helped too.  Especially when they found out that this was the start of an attempt to plague the world with it returning."  He gave the doctor a smug look.  "They've been ended and only one group that keeps trying to take him is still around but Dad's off pounding the shit outta them right now."

"Good," Beckett and Paula said.

"How long will he be down, Doctor?" Paula asked.

"Are you his girlfriend?"

"He doesn't have one.  His near-sister has medical authority."

"His family...."

"Drunken shitbags?  Who're in jail?" Beckett said dryly.  "His father drunkenly wandered up to the building he thought his son lived in and tried to kill the resident who had a similar name to him.  No, you get his near-sister who has the paperwork or you get me.  That's what the judge said."

"Tara hasn't been by?" Dean asked.

"Twice but she's been crying non-stop," Beckett admitted.  "I think she's about to help your dad."

"She did that earlier.  That may be why she's crying."  He looked in there.  "He's back and awake."  The doctor looked and moaned, going to check for new injuries.  He texted his father.  Who said he was working on it.  Then a minute later that Tara was there and pissed off.  Possibly possessed too.  "Huh."  He let the ladies see.  Xander glowed and they all sighed when his readings went back to normal.

Tara reappeared a few minutes later, with a black eye and a small rip on her shoulder.  "I believe they're not going to do it again," she said quietly.  "Or else there won't be any more of them."

Beckett looked at her.  "Want the ER?"

"No," she pouted.  "Xander does our stitches."

"I can," Dean offered.  "You guys fussed over ours."  She shrugged, still looking pouty.  "C'mon, we'll go to the warehouse and clean you up then come back.  I'll drive.  No smelly cabs."  She nodded and let him take her there.  "Did you take a few vacation days from the library?"  She nodded.  "That's cool.  Your library always smells nicer than the other ones."  She smiled at him.

Beckett and Paula both shared a look and shrugged.  Doctor Lam came up to where they were waiting.  "Tara went with Dean to get cleaned up."

"That's wonderful."  She smiled.  "If she could stop it, more power to the young woman."  She went in there.  Xander growled at her.  That's how they realized she was a shape changer and her image flickered.  That doctor knocked her out and they found the original knocked out in a closet.  So it was a lot of drama.  But Xander was getting better.

***

Doctor Lam looked at him.  "If one more thing happens to you, we're going to recruit you and you can send your publisher books from Colorado."

"They'd like me too much," he said weakly.

She smiled.  "We'd adore having you on base, Xander."  She stroked over his hair.  "You'll be just fine with some rest."

"Can I go home?"

"Not for another two days.  Then you can sneak home.  Right now they think you might still be a bit contagious."  He nodded, settling in better.  "Good boy."  She gave him one last pet and a kiss on the forehead.  "Feel better soon and I'll call to check on you in a week."

"Yes, Carolyn."

"Good boy."  She smiled and got beamed out.  Which caused a machine blip but that was fine with her.

Xander looked at himself.  "At least nothing fell off."  He relaxed again.  He still felt like shit, but he hated hospitals.  And it looked like he'd have to do something about the apartment again.  Well, that would mean Tara could quit paying him back for it.  He'd talk to her later.  He had put all that money into an account for her.

***

Rick smiled at the reporter who was stalking him around the city.  "Yes?" he asked.

"How is Alexian?  I know you two are friends."

"He's going to be just fine.  He's still tired and a bit sleepy but they're releasing him soon to go nap at home."

"Is Tara still living with him?"

"No, she's found a wonderful girlfriend who puts up with the cats she's allergic to."  He smiled.  "I'm sure Tara will be popping in on him when she can."

"Was that caused by a demon?"

"Yes, one who wanted Xander to go out around people and make them sick.  Unfortunately he didn't know that Xander doesn't manifest illness the way some people do and he's never around people unless it's a signing, which thankfully he didn't have for a few days.  Otherwise he might've forced himself to get up and go thinking it was the flu or something."

"So he'll be fine?"

"He'll be just fine and probably moving."

"There's a story about his father nearly killing someone right after getting out of jail for blackmailing him?  Do you know anything about that, Mr. Castle?"

"I believe his father was looking for him to thump him around and found a fake address online.  He was drunk and went there, then decided to get mad when his son didn't show up.  Or so his statement said when he pled yesterday."

"Does Alexian know?"

"I have no idea."

"Are you going to visit?  If so, tell him we're all pulling for him."

He smiled.  "I'm going to bring Alexis to visit later.  She's been helping Tara and her girlfriend cat sit.  I can tell him that."  She beamed and bounced off.

Beckett looked at him.  "No self aggrandizing?"

"There's no need for it.  This time it's all about him.  I heard he even asked for his laptop the other day."

"Are you going to help him apartment shop?"

"I think he's going to the same person that helped him last time.  She got him a really sweet deal on that place.  I think my mother introduced them."

"His last place was huge by New York standards."

He smirked.  "It belonged to one of his bad girls."  She snickered, shaking her head.  "I have no idea if he'll rent it out or be able to sell it."

"Too bad I have a lease."  He grinned.  "It's huge.  Has nice tubs."

"It does, yeah."  He put on his sunglasses.  "If I needed to downsize, I might take it too."  He walked off to his car, going home.  Alexis was bouncy and waiting on him to get home to bring her to the hospital.  They wouldn't let her in alone since she was under eighteen.

***

Tara looked at her girlfriend.  "I have an option to decide on."

"About what?"  Beth put down the spoon she was stirring soup with.

"About the old apartment.  Xander wants to sell it.  I had been paying part of the mortgage, which he's put into an account for me.  Or....  I can decide to buy him out and use that as a down payment."

"Your old place is huge."

She nodded, pushing her hair back but smiling.  "And if we take his room, it has a nice closet too.  Plus we can have a puppy?"

Beth smiled.  "I wouldn't mind a puppy."  She took a kiss.  "Can we afford it?"

"He won't be mean on the price.   Or on the payments.  I've already paid about three thousand."

"Honey, your old place is worth like half a mil or more," she pointed out gently.

"Xander only paid three hundred thousand."

"Seriously?  Because that's a steal."  She grinned.  "Used to be one of his bimbos'?"

"His bad girl society had a member who owned it but it needed some updating."  She moved closer.  "It'd be bigger than here.  I decorated it.  The association fees are only a few hundred a month and we'd only have to pay for cable and phone beyond that."  Beth smiled.  "Plus our books can have a home."

"They can, yeah."  She took a kiss.  "I wouldn't mind but it's a big leap to owning something.  There's taxes and things."

"Is that based on value or on price you paid?"

"Value."

"Then, if it's too much, can we rent it from him?"

"I think we could do that at the least.  Depending on how much.  After all, here is a slum with thin walls and a pretty steep rent."

She grinned.  "He offered it to me for eight hundred plus fees."

"That's less than we pay now total."  Tara nodded.  "Think he left any of the creepy little muses that make him write all night?"

"I hope not.  I'm not that sort of literary."  Beth snickered and hugged her.  "Can we check on how much taxes are?"  Beth nodded and showed her how to do that through the city hall website.  She had helped design it.  They looked it up and it was a once-a-year expensive payment but not too bad.  Tara asked Xander how much he paid and he gave her the right code for them.  It was different than the mail address.  She put that in and it was a few dollars less but not by much.  "We can save a little each payday," she said, staring at it.

Beth nodded. "We could.  Or rent for now.  He'd probably let you count any rent toward payments."

"He would, he said he would."  She considered it.  "I'd think it'd be fair if we popped for that fee as well though."  She looked at her girlfriend.

"Buying a house together is a huge thing, Tara."

"I know."  She patted her.  "But I'd be buying it and if you wanted to, we'd work that out."

Beth kissed her.  "Let's rent for now and when we're both ready we can buy it off him."  She nodded and they went to talk to Xander at the warehouse.  Xander had the lawyer for the probates that were still ongoing that could handle that paperwork for them.  They were rent-to-owning it like at the furniture rental places. With much nicer terms than any bank gave.  Two percent interest a year?  Hell yeah!

***

Anya smiled at the being she had summoned.  She was out of the convent to talk to this very important being.  "Angel Gabriel."

"Anyanka.  I have watched your turn around.  Faith and charity suit you, child."  She smiled.  "You said you needed to ask a favor?  For a parishioner?"

"I have one who I have proved faith to, that has helped her," she said quietly, as she had been taught.  "But no, this is a slightly more selfish wish but it will do humanity good."  He looked pissed off.  "The last demon plan to use my ex-boyfriend.  The one who helped me figure this out."

"I heard," he admitted.  He rolled his eyes.  "Hunters cause us problems."

"I wish to find a way to make sure that no demon plot can ever hurt him.  That no demon can hurt him unless he's in a battle or actively fighting against one."

He stared at her.  "Which would give him an out if he's hunting and would keep them from using him for another apocalypse attempt."

"The last two have been ruinous for a lot of people.  Demons coming to notice made a lot reach for faith but it's in panic, not in belief."

"Which would taint the power flows," he agreed.  He stared at her.  "You are still a crafty woman."

She grinned.  "Now I use it to help our convent raise money."

"You do a good job from what I've seen."  He stared at her.  "An angelic wish is a powerful thing."

She gave him a sad smile.  "In return for his curse on me to find peace in faith and charity, I cursed him to find groupies he'd hate so he'd have to come back to me.  I was ill then."

"I heard."  He patted her on the cheek, earning a smile.  "I'll see if one will grant that.  Having him out of the way of any higher being plot and plan might be nice."

"As long as he can still choose to fight for what he believes in."

"I'm sure he would even if we popped around to tell him to stop it.  Summers tried again."

"Buffy needs to find a proof of faith again.  She's very old for a slayer."

He nodded.  "She is and it's affecting her badly."  He smiled.  "I'll ask.  That's not as selfish as you had stated."

"It's a desire I should not air."

"True, but you can still love your ex-boyfriend and the Lord, Anya.  It's not cheating to find someone who comforted you before you took your final vows."

She smiled.  "Thank you.  The Reverend Mother said it was cheating God."

"No.  Your past is part of what made you who you are.  All the good and the bad parts."  He winked.  "I'll point that out to her."  He disappeared.  That was an interesting wish and would keep him out of their hair too.  Though he was a seer....

Anya sipped her tea and packed so she could go back to the convent.  Perhaps she would switch orders to one that suited her more.  This one did some charity work but not like some of the others.  Though she could not go to India.  She hated leprosy and had caused a few cases when she had been a demon.  She didn't think she could handle that now.

***

Xander looked at the judge.  "What?" he asked.  "What if I want to sell it?  It's not really my taste.  It's like the Addam's family moved to NYC."

"Surely some fixing up...."

Xander held up a hand.  "I know I have to move right now because of the death threats on me, but I'm also just out of a long illness, Your Honor.  I was in quarantine for two weeks."  The judge shuddered.  "I can't afford to fix that up and I'd probably end up burning it down because the walls have blood on them and in them.  She was doing bloodletting rituals to raise power.  There's no telling how many people she killed in there."

"Not that house.  I'd never let anyone live in that house, Mr. Harris.  Her will states the one just off downtown.  The old Victorian one that the deed states used to belong to some uppity jewelry designer back in the day."  He handed over that document for him to look at.

"Is that the one with the fountain on the roof?"

"Yes," his lawyer said quietly.  "It's a huge house.  It'd solve the problems."

"The taxes are probably more than I paid for my last one."

"It's mostly furnished," he offered.  "A lot of antiques."  Xander looked at the judge.

"Those you can sell.  She said you can't sell the house for a year though.  She requested that you live in it."

"I guess I can try.  If it's as bad as the other?"

"You let me know and I'll approve of breaking that clause," he promised.  Xander grinned. "Plenty of room for the cats I heard you had."  Xander held up four fingers with a nod.  "Then yes, definitely enough room and that fountain is supposed to be around a garden."

"I guess I can and decide if it's too bad to stay in," he decided.  "If I must."

"You should or I have to void the whole will and it will leave it open to complaining."

"I know someone wanted that other house.  I don't want anyone to have it."

"I can agree with that.  So will you comply?"

"If I must to make it easier."

"Thank you, Mr. Harris."  He signed the orders and handed over the paperwork.  "Now, is this the last of the probates you have to attend?"

"Two more," he sighed.

His lawyer smiled.  "Both of those are straightforward but with Judge Billers."

"He's out with the flu this week.  Let me see if Judge Adkins can fill in since he's doing so."  He called over there.  "Adkins, Percewood.  I'm here with Mr. Harris.  Yes, over those.  Do we really want to know what Billers would demand of him?" he asked dryly.  "Since he hates that he writes fantasy novels."

"He tried to force me to give up writing before and I turned him in to the state ethics board," Xander admitted.  His lawyer gave him an odd look.  "It's not right for him to try to take away my perfectly legal livelihood because he hates fantasy novels."

"No it's not," the judge agreed.  Adkins apparently agreed with him and looked over them.  "They're in my office, I can send them down to you.  Thank you."  He hung up.

"We'll go see him in his office.  Thank you, Judge Percewood."  They shook his hand and took the final papers with them.  "Hopefully those don't have any funny clauses."  Xander looked at him.  "I haven't seen any but one had an older will that could be pulled up."  Xander nodded.  They knocked and walked in when they found it.  "Judge Adkins, this is Mr. Harris."

Xander shook his hand.  "Thank you, Your Honor."

"Judge Billers is an idiot," he admitted.  "He earned his JD on his father's name."  He looked them over.  "I see no counter claims have been filed.  I see nothing out of the ordinary."  He looked up.  "What do you plan on doing with this estate?"

"Selling it for his fees," Xander said bluntly.  The judge smiled.  "He's taking a third and those two had some things that could nicely pay him."

"I've been taking my fees out all along, Xander.  Don't worry about it.  He's sold most of the rest, Your Honor.  To be honest, they were all his ex girlfriends and not really well wound."

"Yes, I've seen the others.  How did that happen?"

"We think it was a curse," Xander admitted.  "I'm not sure by who because that was never fully examined.  I have an idea and the wish demon that helped me find the curse was fairly certain but not fully.  Now she's better though."

"Magic addiction?"  Xander nodded.  "Figures.  Does that female you live with non-sexually like that?"

"We had a huge fight about how I figured that out with the wish demon's help.  She had a smuggler and assassin who was pissing her off so she introduced us."  The judge burst out laughing.  "Tara's a very nice girl so she threw a fit.  For weeks on end.  We still don't talk about it."

"Most women probably would throw a fit, yes."  He looked them over again.  "Liquidation might not get you very much.  Where is the condo she owned?"

"Chelsea."

"The cars?"

"That should read custom designed cars," Xander said quietly.  The judge moaned.  "I'm selling the things I don't want just to pay the inheritance taxes and him," he admitted.  "Not that I wanted most of it but I definitely don't want the cars.  They're kinda... eww."

"I can understand that."  He looked over everything on the inventory list and nodded, signing off.  "Here you go, Mr. Harris.  I'll tell Judge Billers I cleared that from his calendar for you."  Xander beamed and shook his hand, taking the papers to sign and let his lawyer sign.  "Have fun with the auctions."

"The person I've worked with is very good," he admitted with a smile.  "Thank you, sir."  They left, going to Christies to talk to them.  They were expecting him after the hearing.  They came to appraise things and take custody of what he didn't want.  Which included all the antiques in his new house minus three things that he liked.  Including two uncomfortable bronze and steel park benches from the rooftop garden.

The lawyer came back from filing things everywhere and had him sign the titles.  That got faxed and it was done.  Xander called movers to get his stuff and some of the stuff from the warehouse, while he got the cats.  By the time he got back he was exhausted.  He and the kittens curled up on the couch with a movie and fell asleep to it.  He'd have to get curtains in the morning.  Plus comfortable chairs for upstairs.

***

Xander heard someone knocking and looked over the side of the building.  "I'm up here," he called, making Alexis look up, looking really confused.  "By her will I have to live in it for a year.  Fire escape on the side."  She nodded, walking around to climb up it.  He went back to fussing in the plants.  Two weren't cat safe so he had to dig them up.  He planted cat grass instead.  He had also started to put up a fence around the garden so the cats couldn't do something dumb and jump off the roof.  It was only three stories but no.  Alexis finally made it up.  "The other is way bad."

"Figures.  She was a bad girl."  She sat next to him.  "I could use some of this for my design class that was an elective I stupidly took."

"If it'll help, you can redesign the garden."  She beamed.  "Or help me find lounge chairs."

"I can do that.  Will the roof hold it?"

"The lawyer had it inspected before the hearing.  It's structurally made for the rooftop garden, all the extra water and weight, all that."

"Cool.  I see a pretty fence so the cats can't get free."

"Yup."  They shared a grin.  "I'll finish putting that up soon."

"You need to rest more.  You're still tired from being sick."

"Yeah, I am.  I get about three good hours of stuff done a day.  Though no muses.  That's starting to get worrisome."

"They'll show up later.  Dad wanted to know if you wanted to come to a poker game."

"I can't find my phone," he admitted.  She grinned and let him lead her downstairs to find the phone, his shoes, which the cats were napping on, and his wallet and keys.  Then he drove her home to get into the poker game.  He walked in.  "Hi, Martha."

"Xander."  She patted him on the cheek with a smile.  "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine.  Mostly.  Still haven't written in a while.  And I think I lost one of the kittens in a closet earlier."  She laughed, letting him help Rick set up for the poker game.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  He grinned.  "How is it?"

"If I could fight the Victorian fairy it'd be easier."

"I'm sure you can.  No muses?"

"Not since I got sick."

"They'll come back when you're better.  They always do."  Xander nodded and they settled in to talk until the others got there.  They were happy to see him there and chatted about muse problems and the new house.

"I'm about to let Alexis decorate since she said she needed a project for a design class."  They all laughed.  "It's a Victorian row house.  I won't change it into Austin Powers' shag pad or anything but something more modern maybe than them."

"They did start written pornography," Rick said dryly.

"Yeah that's because they wore clothes no one could get under.  Even my ex Anya said that."  One of the others gave him a funny look.  He smirked.  "She was a vengeance demon for over a thousand years."

"She was a lot like my first ex," Rick told them.  "That's why she liked him so much."

"She wrote me a letter the other day.  She's switching orders because hers doesn't do much charity work and mostly does it with kids, who give her hives."  Rick shook his head quickly.  "Apparently they wouldn't let her work in the abuse shelter anymore because she was giving spouses ideas about fighting back beyond a restraining order and counseling."

"Like hitting back?" one of the others asked.

"No, like giving them the name of a nice gun shop she could probably find something toss-away at.  I taught her that bad thing though so that's my fault.  She's thinking about going to Haiti to help rebuild or something."

"There's Mother Theresa's in India," Rick said.

"She sent a few people there over the years.  She said that would be creepy, her words."  He grinned.  A glow went over him and he looked up.  "Huh.  That's cute."

"Tara?" Rick guessed.

"No.  A wish source but a good one instead of a wish demon.  I wonder what that was about."  He texted someone, who asked someone else, and sent back to him.  "Anya asked a nice higher up to please remove me from any future apocalypse plans."  He put his phone back.  Rick patted him on the shoulder.  "Sorry, guys."

"I'm so using you in a story, Xander," one said dryly.

"Remember, I'm only cute, not handsome, and I date bad girls."  They all smiled at him for that joke.  Alexis bounced down.  "What sort of project do you have to do?"

"Designing a space sort.  Why?"

"Think you can fix mine for under twenty grand?"

"That's a lot of furniture to buy," she admitted.

"I can add more later but not Victorian."

"I can do a few rooms at least.  Maybe not all of them since you have five bedrooms."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "I'll come take pictures and measurements tomorrow.  Thanks, Xander."  She got her drink and went back to her room and computer to tell her friends that.

"If anyone likes Victorian antiques, all of them from the house that I didn't keep go up in five days at Christies."

"I saw that catalog," Stephen said with a grin.  "Some pretty stuff."

"Fairly gentler than I could put up with.  I kept a few really nice things but the couches, the beds, the chairs, all that stuff, not my style.  I swear I almost saw old lady ghosts sipping tea in Victorian gowns on one couch."  They laughed.  "Really!"

"Did they list it as haunted?" Rick joked.

"The house might be instead of the couch, not real sure."  They all smiled at him.  "Speaking of, Tara's next day off is on Tuesday and I'll turn over that other place to them after she's gone through it to make sure nothing can jump anyone."  Rick stared at him.  "I figured after a year, it's not going to matter much for DNA."

"Probably not," he admitted.  "Was that her torture house?"

"Yup.  And altar and other stuff."

"Only you can date someone like that," one of the guys muttered.

"Take pictures for me, Rick?" Stephen asked.

"I can do that.  I was going to take my own for a later reference."  They all smiled.  "Damn it, your muses are back, Xander."

"Not with me."

"They just bit me."  He got up to get some paper and pens for everyone.  They all knew that Xander was an idea generator.  "And that bunny has fangs now."  He sat down, putting things off to the side.  Stephen took some to write down ideas.

"Bunny?" one of the other guys asked.

"I was surfing online for strange sites and ran into a plotbunny.  They're cute, cuddly so you're not wary when they come up and bite you with ideas."

He shuddered.  "I don't even want to know about that world."

Xander shrugged.  "I got to explain that on the signing trip in Europe."

Rick nodded.  "He picked on me by getting me a stuffed one and a bunny mug."  They laughed.  "I swear it has fangs."

"If so, maybe it'll search out mine," Xander quipped.  "Since I haven't written in weeks and it's not apocalypse season."

"They'll come back," Rick reminded him.  He took down another note.   "Let us know when Tara can go through the house."  Xander nodded, tossing down some chips for his bet.

***

Esposito looked at the two kids once he had parked and gotten out of the car.  "How bad is it?"

"You'll want shoe covers and maybe a jumpsuit for some rooms," she said with a grimace.  "I've seen prettier sacrificial sites."  He grimaced but got some and went inside.  Castle got there to take pictures for his personal records, and for Stephen.

Esposito looked around.  "This is a nice room."  She walked him into the dining room area and he had to pause.  "Is that a real skull?"

"The one on the right is.  The one on the left is plastic."

"She was replacing them as she got suitable ones," Xander said.  He just nodded and they moved onto the kitchen, which had a dissection table with straps.  A nice drainage system that led to the back yard.  They checked the basement, which was dark, had shackles and a few bones.  All real.  They went upstairs and that's where Detective Esposito, who had been in Homicide for a few years, lost his lunch.   He had to run outside.

Rick took a photo and went to get some fresh air as well.  "Kids?"

"Seen worse," they said in unison then sighed.

"By the way, the last two rooms are the worst," Tara said.  "By my standards."

"Sure," Esposito said, coming back up with a breather mask as well.  Castle had his own.  He got a lot of pictures and they moved onto the last ones.  The next-to-last looked like it was fingerpainted in blood.  Every surface had streaks that weren't from spray or splashing.  There were fingerprints through them all and a bed that still had blood on the sheets.  And headboard.  And footboard.  And leather restraints.  And lamps and drawer.  Rick opened it to take a picture.  Esposito looked and grimaced.  Lube, yeah, that figured.

They went to the last one and Tara sniffled.  There were two small corpses in a crib in a closet with a shrine around them.  There was a decayed corpse on the bed.  Not a human one though.  The bathroom was pristine and all done in white enamel.  The closets were truly scary and looked like they belonged to a drag queen without taste.  Rick was taking pictures of the shrine.  "Why?" he asked Tara with a point at it.

"We think some of this was to resurrect them," Xander said quietly.  "But I'm not certain."

They nodded and left, going outside so he could call it in.  CSU, Taylor's lab even, showed up.  Mac Taylor got out and saw the clothes.  "That bad?" he asked.

"Yeah, we've already picked a spot to get sick," he admitted with a point at it.  "Upstairs is worse.  Last room toward the back of the house has corpses.  Our ride along author is having a lot of fun snapping pictures for a later reference file for himself and a horror author."

"I know enough so I don't need one.  Paula won't let me put that much detail into those things," Xander admitted.

"Someone might try to enact them," Rick agreed as he came out.  "Where's my flash?"  Tara found it for him and he went back in there to redo all the upper rooms.  They were really dark.  "Eww, there's entrails on the shades.  How did they do that?"

Mac got his people inside.  Castle at least knew how to act on a crime scene.  This would hopefully horrify the horror author too much to use.  They let him go and got to work.  The other lab came in to help.  The ME showed up and she was perky and nice.  Though reverent when she saw the bodies upstairs.  The parts she let them gather for her.  Mac came out.  "Xander, are you going to remodel this?"

"I'm thinking burning it down," he admitted.  "I don't think anyone would live somewhere that at least ten people lost their lives on purpose.   Especially not with all the work that needs done.  The insurance company is going to come through after you guys are done because she had a policy on the house."

He nodded.  "Okay."  They got back to work.  It took them hours to note everything and clean up the whole house.  By then it was dark and the light from the blood stained shades wasn't really good to work under.  They brought in their own lights.  They'd do one last check in the morning to make sure they got it all.  Tonight the PD could make sure no kids snuck in.

***

Esposito walked into the station that night.  "It was so totally sick, I even puked," he told the staring detectives.  "Just don't ask."

"Rick said the pictures showed up wonderfully," Beckett said.

"I'm sure whichever horror author that goes to will be *real* happy."  He sat down and took some antacids.  "Taylor's people even looked disgusted."

"That's sad," she decided.

"It was more than sad.  Though the possible resurrection altar in the bedroom was a bit sad."

"I heard.  He went home and hugged Alexis."  She got back to work.  "You missed a staged suicide."

"Can I go to that scene instead?"

Detective Ryan looked at him.  "I'll buy dinner."

"Bro, I can't eat," he said bluntly.  "I'm drinking dinner."

"I can buy you a few shots then."  Esposito nodded.  They got back to work.

Rick walked in with a CD.  "A copy of mine in case they wanted them."  He handed it over.  "That lemon trick didn't fully work."  He shrugged.  "There's a nice tea tree oil treatment that did though."

"That's good," Esposito said.  He sniffed himself.  "Do I stink like a slaughterhouse?"

"Nope," Ryan said loyally.

"Thank you."  He looked at him.  "Was he happy?"

"His exact words were 'eww, damn!' when he saw them."

"Yeah, mine too," Beckett said, shutting down that picture viewer.  "Want tomorrow off?"

"No, I think I want another hot shower."

"Go," she said.  He and Ryan left.  She looked at Castle.  "Will that really help?"

"Yeah.  For a few different stories actually."  He smirked.  "It's not often you get to see things like that done properly."  She shuddered.  "The sad thing is, they said they'd seen worse."  He left again.  He had a daughter to cuddle during a movie night.

She packed it up and went home too.  It was so bad.  She did not need or want to know.

***

Xander looked at the insurance inspector.  "How does the transfer of the property affect that policy?"

"It's still in effect since her estate has been paying for it," he admitted.  "Clearly the owner did something evil in there.  Though she had a policy rider for alternate religious activity damage.  We weren't sure why she'd need one.  Now we know to look at those others more closely."

"Sometimes it's things like a Buddhist shrine that only have a lot of candles," Xander said.

"True but this isn't."

"No."  Xander looked at him.  "What does your company want to do?"

"Settle for as small of an amount as possible thanks to that rider, or invalidate it if possible."

"I'm about to ask if I can burn it down."

"It can't be fixed," he said.  "Let me end that policy and see what I can do."  He moved to his car to call his boss and send him pictures of the damage.  With that speciality rider they might owe him something.  He came back a few minutes later.  "We conferenced in the regional manager.  He said because of that rider, it was acceptable to pay to burn it down."

"That'll work," Xander agreed, shaking his hand.  He called the fire station he had talked to yesterday.  They had gotten a few of the pictures.  "Hi, it's Mr. Harris.  Yes, the insurance guy said that the insurance pay off will pay to burn it down."  He smiled.  "We're here right now if you guys aren't busy."  He hung up and let them show up.  The borough fire chief showed up to see how bad it could be.  He came out green and shaky, agreeing to the burn; they didn't want any chance of anything in the house being recycled.  The department set up barriers and started it.  It was an old house.

They protected the other houses.  The neighbors were all watching but that was fine.  The insurance guy got the paperwork on the cost of the fire and his boss cut the check for them over the phone and agreed to send it the next day.  Within a half hour the house was done.  The insurance people had a clean up team in mind and they would haul it off to be destroyed so it couldn't be reused or recycled.  The fire department was happy.  The insurance company was happy.  Xander was happy.  The realtor he used showed up to take pictures of the lot.  It was all good.  Xander got to go home and wonder where his muses were today.

***

Dean watched the news.  "Isn't that the psycho house Xander inherited?" he asked.

"Yeah," Sam said with a smirk.  "They found parts from ten different bodies, three mummified ones, one of those demonic, and a whole lot of blood.  The insurance company was more than happy not to pay the full amount on her rider for supernatural damages and only paid for the fire and the clean up."

"So Xander really made out ahead?"

"Yup, and he does for the sale of the other stuff.  The lawyer takes thirty percent.  The auction house takes ten.  He gets the rest."  They shared a smirk.  "He has that new one to decorate though."

"Who's living in his old one?"

"Tara and her girlfriend, plus their cute new puppy.  Pound dog."  Dean just nodded.  "Beth's not allergic to them.  Miss Puppy is apparently very adorable."  He found a picture in his email and showed him.

"Yeah, that's a girlish dog."  He shook his head.  His father knocked and got let in.  "They burned the psycho house Xander inherited."

"Good!  Maybe it'll put the spirits in it to rest."

"He said he salted the floors first," Sam said.

"Even better."  He sat down to watch the news, seeing that dog.  "That's hideously cute," he said dryly.

"Miss Puppy is Tara's new dog."

"That figures."  Sam snickered.  So did Dean.  "Anything new?"

"Xander's got a haunting in his place," Dean quipped.  "It's driving his muses nuts."

"We can go back to New York," John decided.  The boys nodded and made plans to hit the highway in the morning.  John knew the way up there.  They'd take different paths to throw off anyone hunting the family.  Like usual.

Yup, the world was slightly back to normal again.

The End.

Chapter 17: Housing Roulette

A new possible threat from someone without a clue.  Plus some more of Xander's dating hyjinx.

"Why don't I have a game?" Rick asked Paula, his publisher.  "King has some.  Patternson has some.  Why not me?"

"Your stories don't really lend themselves to find-it games and no one's offered," she said dryly.  She smiled.  "Would it really matter?"

"Yes.  How can I say fresh and hip if I don't have things in the computer age?"

"You have ebooks, you have everything but a stupid game."

"I'll see if anyone's looking."  He walked off then came back.  "Does Xander have one?"

"Someone offered for Tral but it'd be screwy and not as geeky.  He offered to let them use a different one since they'd have to rate it too high for the target audience with the dwarf jokes."

He scowled but walked off.  Xander was going to have a book based computer game and he wasn't.  That royally sucked.  He had to fix that and called his poker buddy Patterson to ask him.  "Who did the games for you?  Because even Xander has one and I'm jealous," he admitted with a smile for the woman walking through the door he needed to use.  "If you can nudge them my way, I'd really enjoy that.  Thank you."  He hung up and went to the station to make more leaps of logic that not everyone listened to.

***

Xander looked up from his working on the rooftop garden, staring down at the front door where someone was knocking.  "Do I know you?" he called.

The man stepped back and looked up.  "Sir, NYPD.  Are you the owner?"

"Yes.  Why?"

"Sir, there's said to be evidence from some homicides here," the guy said.

"Talk to Detective Beckett.  Anything I found from the prior owner I handed to her.  She's in Homicide."

"Sir, could you come down here?"

"No.  Because I don't know you."  The guy held up his badge and Xander shrugged.  "I've seen three fake one of those recently from CIA agents who wanted to know if I could get them into a demon strip club to track someone, dude.  I recently inherited the house and everything she left went to Detective Beckett.  You can find her in the local homicide department along with her minions."

"I can get a warrant."

"You can do that," he agreed.  "But she's already got it all.  You're just wasting time and money since the last owner killed herself over a year ago and I inherited the house from my ex."

"Fine," he said, stomping off.

"I'll call Beckett to let her know you're going to visit," Xander called with a smile and a wave.  The guy glared.  Xander snapped his picture with his phone and sent it to Detective Ryan with a short note about him wanting things in the house.  Then he got back to weeding.

***

Detective Ryan looked at his phone, grimacing.  "Hey, Deloors is back," he said dryly.  "Bothering Xander."

"Tell Xander to drop boiling oil on him," Esposito said, calling him to see what was going on.  He looked at the picture.  "Xander, that's former Detective Deloors.  He's an idiot and got fired for making accusations and false arrests without evidence.  He got the department sued, yeah.  He said..."  He listened.  "Uh-huh.  No, he can't and I'll call someone.  Thanks, kid."  He hung up and called someone who knew that guy.

"It's Esposito in Homicide.  Tell Deloors that we have all the information from that house.  There's nothing in there that talked about her multiple homicides and the house where she did those, the Felony lab stripped it all and it's all with them.  And then tell him to show up and talk to Beckett.  Thank you."  He hung up and shook his head.  "I can't stand bad cops."

"At least he wasn't dirty," Detective Ryan said with a smirk.  "Just going with his gut to the point of ignoring evidence."

Esposito nodded.  "Yeah but that's still the wrong thing to do."  Beckett walked in reading an older file.  "Deloors is back."  She snorted, sitting down without looking up.  "Wanted to search Xander's house."  She looked up.  "Xander referred him to you.  I told his girlfriend to tell him to come talk to you as well."

She smirked.  "Just what I wanted today," she said dryly.

"Have fun with him."  They went to deal with some maintenance issues they had to do in the evidence room.

***

Beckett walked up to the man pounding on the front door.  Xander had told her he was back when his security system had told him and the circuit clerk's office had warned her that he was hunting in her protected civilian's back yard.  "He's at the store," she said firmly.  He turned and glared.  "And you're not a detective any more, Deloor.  Beyond that, I have everything they took out of this house and her torture house.  I know the guy who lives here, he inherited it after the psychotic woman killed herself."

"He's under investigation for being a terrorist," he said smugly.

"Funny, the FBI said he's not."  The man glared.  "They know Mr. Harris fairly well as well.  Especially after that battle in LA."  Xander strolled up the sidewalk with two bags.  "Wine?" she asked.

"Tara wanted me to pick up some.  She's making some wine and mushroom thingy for Beth."  He shrugged.  "It's their six month of living together anniversary."  He put the bags down and looked at him.  "Are you still here making assumptions?"

"You're under investigation for terrorism," he said smugly.

"Funny, the FBI, the CIA, and the NSA said I'm not."  The man gaped.  "And they also said that you're not an officer, you're not employed by the government, and you're not even a licensed PI.  So get off my yard.  You have no right to ask for anything."

"Think this is against the old owner?" Beckett asked.

"Has to be.  I don't usually kill people.  Unless they attack me first."  He shrugged.  "Another plot, yay," he said dryly.

"Boy...." he started, growling slightly.

Xander stared at him.  "I survived *years* hunting in Sunnydale.  And then LA.  I'd get out of my face before I remember that I'm a combat vet, have been through multiple apocalypses, and I have multiple weapons on me.  Because guys like me, we're never fully disarmed."  The man stomped off.  He looked back at the car with uniformed officers pulling up.  "Yours?" he asked with a point.

"No."  She turned, holding up her badge.  "Why are you two here?"

"Detective, we were told this man is a terrorist."

"No, I'm not," Xander said dryly.  "I'm an author."  The cops stared at him and one looked scared, stepping back.  "That former detective decided I'm mean.  He's a pathetic excuse for someone who managed to bluff his way through the academy.  You real officers didn't have to lie."  They smiled at him.

"Sir, are you...  Alexian Harris?"

Xander grinned and nodded.  "Yup?  Did you get the new book yet?"

"My daughter likes Tral."  Xander beamed at him.  "Is your roommate here?"

"No, she lives in my last place since I got death threats and things."

"Ah," that one said weakly, nodding a bit.  "Detective?"

"He's not one.  He got his badge yanked away from him for false accusations and arrests.  Who said he was a terrorist?"

"Some agent told our boss," the other officer said.

"Get him down here," Beckett ordered.  "Please."  He called that in and they showed up, with a SWAT team.

Xander smiled and waved.  "The idiot decided I was mean because I told him Beckett had everything from the former owners."

"You killed twenty-nine people!" Deloors shouted.

Xander stared at him.  "What the hell are you smoking?" he asked dryly.  The SWAT guys all stared.

"Captain, what agent told you that BS?" Beckett asked.  "He's a fantasy writer."

"Who does, admittedly, know weapons," Xander admitted.  "But I'm also from Sunnydale."  The SWAT guys all stepped back.  "Yeah, I was at the invasion.  Calm down.  I'm not in a bad mood.  I have no idea what his issue is."

"The owner of this house killed twenty-nine people," Deloors insisted.

"That was the last owner," Beckett said dryly.  "Who killed herself about a year ago.  You moron!"  The SWAT guys just nodded.  "He handed all that information over to us.  He let us search the house where she killed people before he had the FDNY burn it.  The Felony lab did it."

The captain coughed.  "The person who told us he was a terrorist was an FBI agent."

She walked over and pulled out his wallet, holding up the badge.  "Somehow he got a copy of his old one.  He got his yanked after someone sued us for something just like this."

The captain nodded, calling in someone else, who was higher up.  He told them what was going on.

"I have butter in here," Xander said with a point.  "One of you guys watch me put them into the fridge?"  One of the SWAT guys nodded, hand on his gun as they walked in.  "Quit meowing," Xander called when the kittens started their unholy racket.  "Really, guys, I didn't abandon you."  He let them out of the bathroom.  "That was open when I left."   He put things up and tossed the bags under the sink.  He poured out some cat food, petting them all.  He changed the water too.  "There."  He smiled.  "We can go back out there."

"Sure," he decided.  "Four cats?"

"My former roomie's cats and mine.  Her girlfriend's allergic so I'm a stepparent."  They walked out and Xander relocked the door.  "There.  They're still shutting that bathroom door on themselves, Beckett."

"Your cats are good at that," she reminded him.  "They used to close closet doors on themselves."

"I know.  It kept trapping them in my closet organizer."  He pulled a chair out of the bushes and put it down, sitting down.  "There's three more," he told the officer next to him.  "I'm still healing from being in ICU and quarantine," he said at the dirty look he was getting.

"Someone tried to infect him with something," Beckett said.  "He's only been out for two weeks."  That officer quit scowling.  She looked at him.  "What tired you out?"

"Two blocks each way, heavy bags, in the rooftop garden all day."  She nodded at that.

"Sir, what did they try to give you?" that officer asked more quietly.

"Some strain of a lighter hemorrhagic virus.  Like a tenth of the strength of ebola."  He grimaced.  "It was a plan by a demon to get it out among the public when I went to sign books.   Fortunately a few friends found me with the fever and called a really good doc who got me to the hospital."

"Huh," the officer said quietly.  "Why would demons...."

"Because they're not real happy that I've taken out the bigger cocksuckers among them.  My team only hunted the bad ones, the hunters and those causing problems, but the higher ones think I'm a good toy."

Beckett looked back.  "There's been three that have appeared here in town, heard that we have a slayer, we have him, and fled for their lives before they could cause problems."  She looked at the new higher up that showed up.  "Sir."

"Detective.  Captain....  Deloors," he said with a sneer.

"Somehow he got Mr. Harris declared a terrorist, sir," Beckett said.

"We're sure he's not?"

"That's Alexander Harris," she said dryly.  "As in was at the invasion," he said when he opened his mouth.

"Oh, Jesus," he muttered, crossing himself.  "Mr. Harris?"

"I'm really amused since he decided I was the last owner of this house too, sir.  Especially since I inherited this house and let the nice Detective Beckett, who keeps arresting my dates, have everything from her.  Plus we let them go through her torture and killing house."

"That's very handy, thank you, Mr. Harris."

Xander grinned.  "I figured there was an open case somewhere and I didn't want it.  That's why we had the fire department burn it."

"Deloors has him as a terrorist, sir," Beckett said dryly.  "Told the captain he was one.  Which made him panic and bring SWAT."

"Harris knows weapons," the captain said.

"Yes, he won a lot through kitten poker games before.  We've agreed I have direct oversight of what he wins," Beckett said with a smile.  "The same as I get to arrest most of his dates for being evil."

Xander snapped his fingers and got up, opening the door and going inside to the front closet.  "Quit trying to get out, cat."  He handed the officer that followed two cases.  He brought out two more and carried the last one, then rescued the cats and put them inside before shutting the door.  "Won them last night.  They decided I'm not as shunned now, Detective.  I was going to invite you guys over next week for the house warming and hand them over then."

"Thanks," she said dryly.  "Do they work?"

"No idea.   I haven't gotten into them yet.  I only got back at three."

"Uh-huh.  Why aren't they in the storage area?"

"It's blocked off with police tape because someone tried to ram it with their pickup truck."

"I didn't hear about that," she said, walking over.  "Check them for me please, Xander."  He nodded, sitting on the steps to do that.  A cat snuck into his lap.  He looked down at her, shaking his head.  She took the cat and put it inside then shut and locked the door for him.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He smiled.  "If you were more evil, I'd ask you out."

"I don't date in the office," she quipped back, walking off again.  The higher up was giving her an odd look.  She shrugged.  "The Captain said I could be his liaison since I get to arrest his dates, sir."

"What's wrong with him dating?"

"The last owner of this house was typical of them.  He's dated a few assassins, a few people smugglers, a few jewel smugglers."

"Only one," Xander quipped.  "The other one I found out and walked off.  She was gross and did slave demons."

"Did we get her?" Beckett asked.

"No, the guy in the FBI did."

"Okay."  She looked at him.  The higher up was shaking his head.  "They all want to sleep with him."

"Why?"

"He's from Sunnydale."

"Oh," he said flatly.  He looked at Deloors.  "What makes you think he's a terrorist?"

"There was an FBI agent, supposedly, who told me that, sir," the captain said.  "But they looked a lot like him."

"If I remember right, he had a brother that was," the higher up said with a glare for the idiot.  "Detective, you'd searched this house?"

"Yes, sir.  He invited us in to do that when we asked and he found a box of stuff in the attic.  We also got her storage area.  Taylor in the Felony lab did the house she killed people in."

"Even better."  He stared at the kid, who had put one aside.  "Do they work?"

"First one doesn't so he owes me more kittens."  He closed the case he was working on.  "That one does but it's not full."  He took the others to look over, nodding.  "These look like they do without me ripping them apart to check wiring."  He closed them and looked at the higher up.  "I have no idea why he thinks I'm the one that killed all the people she killed, sir.  All he said was that the owner of this house, meaning me, was a terrorist who had killed twenty-nine people.  She killed seventeen and ran over two on a sidewalk.   I've fully cooperated with Detective Beckett over her stuff because I respect her.  I even listen when she's trying to talk me out of something," he finished dryly.

"That number's not the usual round one," Beckett said.  "Who is he talking about, Xander?"

"The lady down in 235."  He pointed.  "She's working on number twenty-seven.  Some were more innocent victims but she's also a black widow."  He grinned.  "She hasn't even flirted yet."

"Good!" Beckett and the higher up said together.  Her minions showed up.  "Guys, grab those.  They're kitten poker debts and two don't work."  Esposito walked over to grab them.

"I was going to invite you guys over for the house warming and give them over," Xander said with a grin.  "Since the storage area is locked down."

"I saw that."  He and the SWAT guys got them into the trunk.

Detective Ryan opened his notepad.  "There's four people with homicide suggestions against them in this neighborhood."

"He said twenty-nine," Beckett said.

"That's the lady in 235 or the one up in the top apartment in 321."  He pointed at that converted house.  "He's supposedly part of one but there's no evidence, no proof, and no one else but former Detective Deloors thinks so," he said, closing it and looking up with a smile.  "The other one was never part of his caseload and none of the cases we tied to the former owner of this house were related to him."

"He's Patrick Grades," Deloors sneered.

"No, he's Alexander Harris.  We've seen pictures of him in grade school thanks to one of his friends."  Xander moaned and Ryan shot him a grin.  "Buffy sent them."

"I'm so smacking her around," Xander complained.

Esposito closed the trunk and came back.  "Who gave you the one without missiles and the one that doesn't work?"

"Grathes."

"Uh-huh.  Don't let him get away with that."

"He still owes me about six thousand more cats," Xander said.  He looked at the higher up.  "Sir, I can be mean when I want to be, but my name in the Underground is the White Knight.  I doubt I'm a terrorist."

"No, I've never heard you were," he said.  "Send Deloors to the ER to be checked for brain tumors and things since he's convinced he's someone else.  Harris, you're to hand those things over the same day."

"Yes, sir."

"Thank you."

"I was waiting until I got the rest paid to me."

"I don't care," Beckett said.

"We can make more trips," Ryan said with a smile.  "See how good the littler Castle did."

"She's nearly done."

"Wonderful," Beckett said.  "School project," she told the higher up since he looked confused.

"Ah!  My daughter had one of those years ago."  He nodded.  "All right.  Boys, have an easier day in Rapid Response.  He's got good oversight."  They nodded and left.  "Captain...."

"I'll take him in and look at that agent, sir."  He walked off.

"Thank you.  Boys, nice work staying calm even though this was really strange."

Xander shrugged.  "I've seen worse."

"I'm sure you have.  You do know that it's illegal to own more than three pets?"

"One's mine, the other three are Tara's, but her girlfriend's a bit allergic so I'm babysitting."

"Uh-huh."

"They're well taken care of, healthy little begging mooches," Beckett said with a smile.  "I don't like cats and they love me."

"All of us," Esposito said.  "Tara's brought one in by accident and it tried to adopt our unit, sir."

The higher up nodded.  "Sometimes they can be like that.  My wife's likes to lay on my feet at night."  He shook his head.  "The former owner?"

"Died," Beckett said.  "Left him the house."

"All right.  That's reasonable I suppose."

"We all laughed," Ryan admitted.  "She wasn't the only one."

The higher up walked off shaking his head.  "All right then.  Let me go back to my office.  If you find that agent, deal with it, Detectives."

"Yes, sir.  If he comes back?" Esposito asked.  "He was a terrier."

"I remember."  He looked at the guy then at them.  "Hopefully they'll decide to hospitalize him for whatever's going on.  If not, handle it."  He got into his car and drove off muttering to himself.  New York had some really strange people in it.

The three detectives looked at Xander, all smirking evilly.  He shrugged.  "They owe me more.  I was going to give it over at the housewarming."

"Uh-huh," Esposito said dryly.

"I was."

"Anything else hidden?" Beckett asked.  "That wasn't really a great time to pull that out."

"If they had searched and found it, I'd be in a car right now," he pointed out.  "Pouting that the pretty silver jewelry I just got given was too tight."

"True.  Why can't they put it there?"

"They hate you.  They think you're mean."

"I am mean."  She smirked.  "Any others?"  He shook his head.  "Show us the armory."  They walked in with him, avoiding the pouncing kittens.  The armory closet was nice and deep.  Had things hung up.  Had two larger things not hidden and Ryan banged his shin on another one.  "What's that?"

"A baby I've had forever," he said with a grin.  "Since a double-date in high school."

The guys stared at him.  "You double dated in high school?" Esposito asked.

"And somehow got artillery?" Ryan added.

"Yeah.  I didn't have a car, Oz had a van.  I had base codes.  We had to get something huge to stop the demon trying to eat humanity's humanity so he could destroy them all.  No weapon made by man...."  He shrugged.  "It was a great double date.  Cordy and I had a lot of fun.  They thought I wanted to show her the bigger missile on top of the missiles."  He grinned.  "It's my baby."

"No," Beckett said slowly and clearly.

"But..."

"No.  We can store it," she offered.

He shook his head.  "It's the only good thing I have left from Sunnydale, Beckett."

She huffed.  "I'll ask for dispensation.  For now, it's hidden in the office."  He pouted, petting it.  "Stop it.  Before I tell Castle."

"You know, I got asked if we were dating the other day," he said dryly.  "Apparently the reporter thought I'd make a good stepmom.  Alexis heard her and cackled for nearly an hour."

"I would too," Esposito said dryly.  "Put them in the car, kid."  Xander huffed but carried them out there.  Ryan got the invisible thing and tied his tie around the handle so they could see it later.

Beckett checked the other closets and attic.  And the basement when she found out he had one.  "What's this?" she called.

Xander looked down there.  "I have a basement?"

"I didn't know either," she admitted.  She came up.  "It's got a work table, some clamps, some files....."

"Sounds like sharpening her weapons sort of table."  He went down to look, coming up nodding.  "Yup and the filing cabinet."

She went to look in there, bringing up the few files she had.  "I'm going to ignore how you got that weapon, kid."  She held up one.  "We're missing a victim's profile."

"I had a date tonight," Ryan complained but they left, giving Xander a long look.  They got a shrug back.

Xander looked at the staring neighbors.  "Did we know the last owner killed seventeen people?"  They all shuddered.  "I only dated her."  He went back inside, making sure all the cats were safely napping in the living room.

***

Captain Montgomery walked out, looking at the new things his people were guarding.   "You can put them into the storage area tonight.  It's still on lockdown but you guys can sneak them in there."  Ryan pointed at his tie hanging in mid-air.  "Taylor wanted to know how."

"It'll definitely get him in trouble but had that nice apocalypse reason," Esposito said.

"He's very attached to it since it came from his best date in high school," Ryan said.

"Which one was Cordelia?" Beckett asked.

"The cheerleader one," Ryan said.

"Remember the story with the guy made of maggots?" Esposito asked.  "Her."

"The assassins sent after Buffy?" she said, trying to remember.  The guys nodded.  "Huh.  So she's the one in LA that he still talks to occasionally?"  They both nodded.  She looked at the captain.  "It will get him into trouble but it was extra apparently for an apocalypse thing."

"Which," Ryan said with a grin.  "I had Rosenburg look.  She found that particular thing in the mall in the Initiative's files."  He pulled it up and let her see it.

"So he planned ahead?" Montgomery asked dryly.  They all nodded.  "He's been hiding it all this time?"

"If I hadn't run into it with my ankle, he'd still be hiding it," Ryan admitted.  "He treats it like his cats."

"It was probably his only pet before Tara moved in with Miss Kitty," Montgomery said.  Taylor walked in, staring at the stack with the tie floating on top.  "It's his pet from high school."

Taylor stared at them.  "What?"

Ryan pointed at his tie and told him what they could without getting the kid arrested.  Not that it wasn't illegal but he seemed to need those sort of things now and then.

Taylor frowned.  "Can it go into storage?"

"There's a good chance it'll get used," Beckett said.

"He could've put it into the warehouse and we'd never find it," Esposito said.

"We'd like to see what else was in there," Taylor admitted.  "But I can't spare a week to go spelunking."

"Don't remind me of how freakish that thing is," Montgomery complained.  "The next one of you on injury leave gets to go take inventory for him."

"I don't think we'll find any missing persons," Ryan quipped with a grin.  "Even if you can get lost."

"Apparently his muses have," Esposito added.

"Still?" Beckett asked.  They nodded.

"He's not sure if there's something in there or if there's a ghost in his house and she's doing it," Ryan said, spinning his chair to face them instead of Esposito.  "He called the brothers back to have them check since he has no idea how to deal with that."

Beckett made a note.  "So we can handle whatever strange thing they have to pull out to fix that."

"Someone told me you dig up the graves and salt and burn them," Mac said.  They all stared at him.  "Horatio, down in Miami's lab, caught them being attacked while doing that."  They all moaned.  "So there's no telling where they'll have to do that since I'm not sure which owner of the house it was."

"That's going to suck," Esposito said.  They all nodded.  "Turner could help cover them some."

"Turner hates the DCIS series," Beckett told them.  "Said it's giving some officers ideas at the academy of being the NYPD equivalent."  They all moaned and shook their heads, even Taylor.  "Speaking of, we're asking everyone who knows the boy if they know anyone to set him up with.  Even Tara wants to set him up with someone."

"Even the other Xander we had for a while wanted him set up," Ryan agreed.

"Other Xander?" Taylor asked.  "Like how he visited?"

"Yup, only they came here and that one was the president."

Taylor tried really hard not to groan and rub his new ulcer.  "Thankfully ours probably won't."

"We hope," Beckett said with a smile.

"Maybe Flack needs a few days off to go exploring in the warehouse.  Are we bringing those to the storage area tonight?"

"We're debating the one he got on his best date in high school."

"He has a storage area there, let him store it there.  Or wherever the other things in the warehouse are."

"I'm pretty sure he played it straight and gave us most of it," Esposito said.

"Probably," Mac agreed.  "But we'll have him put up a locking bunker in the warehouse that has an alarm system that will alert us if it's opened."  They all smiled.  "That should solve all that and that can go in there.  That way we still have oversight, we get an inventory, all that."  They smiled and nodded, calling the kid to tell him that.  He had a bunker in there, it just needed an alarm system.  It'd be good for the boy to arrange things and do a full inventory of all the weird stuff in there.

***

Rick looked up from his reading on the dias.  It was convention time again.  "You're up here, kid," he said with a grin.  "You got elevated."

"Wow.  Really?"

"Yes.  C'mon.  It's just us this year."

Xander came up and sat down, looking over the room.  "Is it a smaller room?"

"It is," he decided.   He shrugged.  "We're always a well-filled lecture."  He grinned.  "Calm down, don't bounce too much, just act calm.   Like you do on the young adults panel."  People started to file in.  "Welcome.  Come in and sit down, guys."  A few gave them long stares.  He smiled once everyone was in.  "As you guys know, this is Newbie Tips for Writers."  He smiled.  "I'm Rick Castle.  This is my panel mate."

Xander smiled and waved.  "Hi, guys.  It's weird being up here instead of among you."  A few smiled but some were still staring.  "How about we get some questions going.  Anyone?" he asked.  No one said anything.  "Um...  No questions this year?  Nothing bothering you guys?"

"Calm down," Rick told him with a smile.  "Sorry, guys, he's nervous when people are staring at him."  He looked at Xander.  "I have someone new to introduce you to."

"Really?" he asked with a grin.  "Are they nicely evil or evilly nice?"

"More mildly naughty."

"I can take mildly naughty or lawful evil."  He grinned.

"Sir, some of us remember you from the thing out in the desert," one woman said.

Xander looked at her and nodded.  "That was me, but it's not something really pertinent to today's discussion."

"This is Alexian Harris, yes," Rick agreed.

"Those things aren't fun or really something I like to think about, guys.  Sorry if it upset you or something."

She shook her head quickly.  "You write?"

"A lot."  He grinned.  "For those of you who have them, muses are cranky little things."

"I don't really have muses," Rick admitted.  "I know it's something in my subconscious giving me story ideas, not like his."

"Mine are like little guys who sit on my shoulder and open a book to read it to me," Xander said with a grin.  "They can drive me nuts when they decide to get cranky because I want to do something unimportant like sleep or eat or go have fun."

"Is DCIS a real place?" she asked.

Xander glanced at Rick.  Who paused then nodded.  Xander nodded.  "Yeah.  I knew a witch that had a magic addiction.  I was rescuing her girlfriend from her.  She didn't like that and sent me there."  He cleared his throat.  "I did get permission from each and every person there to write it.  Some of the knowledge I brought back helped a lot in a few different matters but they all agreed I could write it.  As far as I know, none of the other series' worlds are real.  I've never met Tral and his happy band of fighters or been in space on a clan ship.  Though the Kindred people hated that I learned about their card game after I wrote that.  It caused a bit of problems for a few weeks."

"Are some of them here?" she asked.

"Yes, and a few have realized it even though I did change descriptions and names to protect the innocent and not so innocent.  A few some demons tipped off that they were in the books, a few figured it out when they read it.  I did put that nice disclaimer in the front that I did base them off people but changed as much as I could of their physical and clothing descriptions."

She smiled.  "Is it insane there?"

"On the base, no.  The girls were really sweet."  He grinned.  "The one that ended up being named Amber in the books, she had just given birth to her daughter, Mary.  The training family that had adopted her was really happy and bouncy about that."  Everywhere else had a bit of insanity but they did handle it."

"Wow," she said, smiling at him.

"Sir, when is the next space vampires book coming out?" a guy called.

"The publishers and I are having a difference of opinion on that next book.   They wanted me to break up the two gay couples, which I won't.  They wanted me to split the het couple and put them with others, which I won't.  I've rewritten it three times, almost completely different books, and they don't like them.  Since I'm obligated to only give them those books, it'll probably be after that contract runs out in two years.  Sorry."

"Then what about that book that just came out?" he asked.

"What book that just came out?" Xander asked back.

"By a Jonathan Lichter?  I think."

Xander shook his head.  "Never heard of him but that publishing company and I will be talking since the contract said that they have to get me to agree to any guest authors in my series.  So I guess we'll be talking later since I saw one of them here."

Rick coughed.  "That is one thing that a lot of new authors don't see."

"You may consider your characters sacred but your publisher will not," Xander said.  "They make money off us.  They want us to sell the most books we can by making it very salable.  Sometimes that seriously dumbs down or changes your story a lot."

Rick nodded.  "They do have the final word but you can put back in some things during edits.  That even happens to me."

Xander nodded.  "Our shared publisher doesn't often do more than move things around in mine but things like rites get taken out all the time.  Characters get toned down.  All sorts of editing things."

"So to them we're a product," one of the other women said.

"In some ways.  In some you're an asset.  In some, if you make friends with them, you're friends and they hate telling you that your newest novel sucked," Rick said.  "Ours does sometimes."  Xander nodded.

"Generally, the bigger, the more impersonal, but you'll probably be dealing with the same person editing and things," Xander said.  "You get assigned to someone."

She nodded.  "But still, they're going to change things on you?"

"They make a salary off your sales," Xander explained.  "In my books, I make twenty-three cents on each dollar.  They take ten more cents for advertising.  They take a cut for the editor I have on retainer, because he does a lot of the work for them.  The rest goes to the company to pay my publisher and the higher ups.  Paula gets, I think, thirty cents and the company gets the rest.  Basically.  The only way that changes is if you self-publish.  Which brings up a second point most people overlook.  When you publish something, and it gets read a lot or gets a lot of good reviews, you suddenly have a public image.  They'll tell you that you have one and how not to mess it up."

"Are you gay?" the first woman asked.

Xander paused then looked at her.  "Technically I'm bi.  I have dated guys in the past."

"You never see you out with a guy."

"Same reason," he admitted.  "I was told if I found someone I wanted to truly *date* date, then it'd be good but me going on multiple dates or getting some in the clubs for stress relief, things like that, would hurt book sales.  Truly, the higher ups in my publishing house hate me dating at all.  Because I tend to date evil things."  He shrugged a bit.  "They'd like me to not date anyone.  They especially didn't want me found dating multiple people because people don't buy books if they think you're a slut unless it's books about being a slut."  Rick snickered, nodding.  "So I was told to keep any first dates, male or female, out of the public eye.  If and when I find someone nice, it's all good as long as it doesn't look like I'm an easy slut.  It may impact some sales but there's already religious groups who hate me for writing fantasy.  Me dating a great guy will only piss them off more.  They'll burn me in effigy again like they did after the invasion."

Rick shook his head.  "Most of them have been warned," he assured him.

Xander grinned.  "Thank her for me."

"I will."  He looked at them.  "Yes, it's true.  When you get to be well known, the public expect you to act in certain ways.  Like professional sports stars and actors get, only we're not as well known.  I'm famous and slightly wealthy but I'm not a total household name like that basketball player that just changed teams who's been on the news for months."

"Basically, he gets to be goofy and happy, a really nice guy, in public and not really date in public either," Xander admitted.

Rick nodded.  "That's very true.  Reporters will jump on anyone you've been seen out at dinner or hanging out with and ask you all sorts of things.  I get that about him now and then because I'm his mentor."  Xander hugged him with a grin, letting Rick bop him on the back of the head.

"He's a great mentor," Xander said with a grin, cracking them up.  He sat up again.  "For years on end I sat down with you guys and asked a lot of questions.  Now I'm up here feeling a bit creeped out because you guys are staring and I have no idea what to do with staring.  Questions I can deal with but not just staring in awe or anything."

"Alexian gets a bit nervous about social things," Rick admitted, rolling his eyes.

"Is self publishing easier?" that girl asked.

"No.  You'll never make the big money doing that because there's no one promoting it, no articles in the press, no book reviews, no interviews, no signings."  She nodded.  "It's worth it, it really is, but sometimes you have to compromise or put up with a few things.  Like the clubbing thing.  I can go clubbing but if I pick up someone for some instant fun, I'd better hide it."  Xander nodded.  "Not only because it'd look bad to my daughter."

"I guess I can understand that.  Is there a strong moral code?"

Xander snorted and shook his head.  "Nope.  Some publishers won't care if your life is going to hell due to drugs or drinking as long as you're putting out good books often enough.  Some publishers will care and may drop you if you do that, but the bigger ones you're not as personally involved with."

Rick looked at him.  "Did your last date give you something?"

"It's possible.  For some reason she pulled out a bottle of lube that had a strange label and odor but I don't think I'm that goofy, am I, guys?"  They all shook their heads.  He grinned.  "I'm used to the young writers panels.  It's slightly different writing as a teenager or young adult."

"In what ways?" one guy in the back asked.

"As a teenager, a lot of us started to write to get things out of our heads.  To deal with things or to think on paper, maybe to go emo over their girlfriend.  As an adult, it's more a job than a 'getting out' thing.  I find I spend a lot more time in front of my computer this last year than I have in the past.  It seems to go up every year, which is why in another two years someone's going to find my skeleton behind my desk where I starved to death."

"Tara still calls to remind you to eat," Rick said.

"I know.  She did that earlier, warned me not to cut up too much here at the convention."  He grinned.  The crowd laughed.  "I adore Tara like a sister."

"The one who lived with you?"  Xander nodded.  "She's not now?"

"She found a very good friend and they're together so they moved in together.  I'm hoping it's a great love and that they're together for a very long time."  A few went 'aww' at that.  Xander smiled.  "But she does still call to remind me to eat."

"I'm getting you a reminder some other way," Rick joked.

"Maybe that one that you want to introduce me to will," Xander quipped back with a grin.

"How did you end up with Mr. Castle as a mentor?" one shy looking guy asked from up front.

"I sat about three rows back, always on the aisle," Xander said.  "For my first three conventions.  Plus we share a publisher.   He answered a lot of my stupid, annoying questions.  It just kinda worked its way up to where I could better stuff."

"Do you mentor anyone?" one of the ladies asked.

"I haven't been asked to.  If you guys write me an email, I'll definitely answer back but no one's really asked me to mentor them."  Xander grinned.  "I'm definitely not against it and if I can help someone who's having problems I will gladly do that."  They all smiled at him.

"Generally you want to find a mentor that you can talk to," Rick said.  "Someone who's a bit more experienced than you are so they can answer questions."

"He used to give me some pretty generic answers but I could work on them from that point once I had a starting place," Xander added.

"I didn't know you then, I couldn't offer in-depth ones," Rick teased.  "I had no idea that your muses were really that insane."

Xander nodded.  "Yes they are."  Most of the group cracked up and laughed.  "Are they still visiting you since they're not with me?"

"I think they're still scared of your new ghost."

"Sam got that the other day."

"Huh.  I don't know.  We'll see."  Xander nodded.  "If you want, you can have the stuffed bunny you gave me for a while."  He smiled an innocent smile.

Xander grinned back.  "I thought Arnold was helping you."

"He has.  I haven't written this much since I was your age."  Xander just grinned.

"So you two are decent friends too?" one of the women in the back asked.

"Yup.  His daughter decorated part of my house for me," Xander said with a grin.  "Rick knows everyone."  They all smiled at him.  Rick grinned back.  "The only reason I know anyone in New York is because of Rick.  I'm usually chained to my laptop.  I got to a museum for the first time since I moved last month."

"If you ever get to that level of writing all the time, definitely remember to start taking time for yourself," Rick said.  "He's been horribly sick and worried us all recently."

"That wasn't my fault," Xander said quietly.

"Not that.  When you caught the flu right after moving."

"Oh, that.  Well, that was partially my fault, yeah."  He shrugged.  "And I wasn't even writing then."  Rick gave him a pointed look.  "I don't know."

"We'll see if we can fix that."  He smiled.  "I worry about him.  He's like a cousin."  They all smiled.  Xander punched him on the arm.  "Any other questions?"  They clapped and went to their next seminar.  "Not the young author's panel this year?"

"Nope.  Dell's highlighting some other young one that just broke out in her first teen poetry book."

"That's fine."  They got up and walked off.  "Your contract said that they couldn't go to another author?"

"I'm pretty sure.  Paula should have a copy of that."  He called her.  "It's Xander."

"And me," Rick said next to the phone.

"And Rick.  Well, it went okay but I'm a bit bouncy.  Um, the people who have the space opera?  Can they go to other authors to write in my world?"  She looked that up.  "Yeah, we do.  A lot.  And I need a copy because they violated cannon."  He smiled.  "Thanks."  He went to talk to the registration clerk.  She'd know if he was here and who he was.  He sent him a message to meet him at a bookstore in a few hours since he was on a panel.  He hated to bash the young kid.  The guy found him in the middle of the bookstore.  "I think we have a problem, Mr. Lichter."  He looked up.

"Who're you?" he demanded.

"Alexian Harris.  You screwed up the cannon in my world."  He stared at him.

"But..." he spluttered.

"They didn't remove the part on the bondings being permanent."  He showed it to him.  "And I glanced through yours."  The guy moaned.  "Also, they weren't supposed to go to another author by my contract with them."  He smiled.  "I have nothing at all against your book.  Or you.  I'm totally cool with people working in my worlds as long as they ask and conform to the cannon for the most part.  I'm not going to sue you.  But they fucked up."

"That's not in the stories I got given," he said, looking at him.

Xander shrugged.  "They may have taken it out in later publishings but that's the last one in the paperback.  So they're in trouble."  The kid muttered and nodded.  "Like I said, I'm not against your or your book.  I'm not going to sue you.  I know they're frustrated with me because they wanted me to break up all the couples and they're going to have problems because my current agent and publisher is going to chew on them.  I've already told her it's not your fault.  I figured you either didn't read that book or they didn't give you a full copy.  So we're cool, but things are going to have to be worked out in a bridging book or something."

He swallowed.  "They only wanted that one from me.  I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry.  It's a cutthroat business," Xander said with a slight shrug.  "I haven't fully read yours yet, but we'll see if we can work yours in as an AU or something like a special mission maybe.  I don't know yet, but I'll try."  The kid grinned at him and Xander suddenly felt old.  "How old are you?"

"Twenty-seven."

"Huh, you look younger than me."  He grinned.  "It's cool.  Just be careful about that and make sure they know you know so they can't do it again."

"I got another one in another established series the other day but they said the author was dead.  They said you had quit writing."

"Dude," he said with a point at his section.  "Really?"  The other author looked and moaned.  "Yeah, I have a backlog with my publisher; I'm stuck right now but I haven't given up writing."  He grinned.  "It's cool, just be aware of that."   He nodded and bought that book, walking out.  Xander bought the other guy's book and went back to the hotel.  It wasn't a *bad* read but he thought he did better.  Though he knew he sounded like crap and it was only with heavy editing he sounded so good.  Like autotune for singers.

***

Paula and Xander walked into the meeting room, Xander smirking as he sat down and put the book in front of the other agents.  "I'm not really happy with you."

"You wouldn't...."

Xander opened the book and read the pertinent section.  He closed it and looked at them.  "Which made the other guy's book look like fanfiction."

Paula smiled.  "You are in violation of his contract with you.  He has given you three different books."

"People don't like gay couples," one sneered.

"Really?  It doesn't seem to hurt my hunters series," Xander said with a small shrug.  "The het or the gay ones, they've all done reasonably well.  Also, by the contract, you broke it by going to another author and without having my permission to write in my universe."  Paula pulled out that contract, those parts already highlighted.  "So we're going to have an issue.  I've already talked to him and found out you gave him stories without those pertinent parts."

"They're not in the official books," one sneered.

"They are.  This is from the last publishing of the paperback, earlier this year."  They all groaned.  "So yeah, it's mentioned in multiple areas."  He leaned his elbows on the table.  "So what're we going to do about this, people?  I'm in the mood to be pleasant, but not that pleasant.  I don't personally want to sue this guy, he didn't seem to know and he's not a bad author, plus I know you guys paid him very little for it.  He also checked the source material on the other one you gave him."  They slumped.  "So let's start talking solutions."

"You can bridge to that one since people like that more than the original," the head agent said.

"Sure, let's violate six books worth of cannon," Xander said dryly.  "For one mediocre book."  He shook his head.  "I can bridge to this one and it won't change things.  It'll be them traveling to another universe or something."  They all slumped.  "You played in my playground without permission.  Which is in violation of the contract.  You went to another author and didn't give him the right safety instructions for my play equipment.  Which is in violation of the contract.  And you violated the cannon, which would abridge the one saying that you could hand it over if I died but it was to stay in cannon for the series.  Which violates the contract.  I'm not in the mood to sue this guy.  You guys however...."

Paula nodded.  "You did violate the contract, gentlemen.  He may be young but he's not stupid."

Xander shook his head.  "No, I'm not.  I've been making a good faith effort to give you another book in the series.  With changing the openings, I have three new books in it."  They all glared.  "You didn't like them and that's your prerogative.  In two years I could've put them online or something."  He shrugged.  "You're still in trouble for this."

"We can sue you for not giving us what we want."

"If part of the story that's been printed says that you can't break up bonded couples without it driving them mad or killing them, then you can't really find a way around that.  I've given you three books that you didn't like.  I don't care if you don't like the couples in it.  You didn't have a problem a few years ago.  It's not even like they're the main couples in the series."

"People don't like gay characters," the lead agent assured him.

"And yet, one of my hunting novels, which had a gay main character, who actually had gay sex, twice, went to the top five.  Which is better than these ever did," Xander shot back.  "And one with a het couple went higher."

"He's right, numbers don't lie," Paula said.  "I don't care if this is because you got bought out or whatever."

"They were?" Xander asked.

"Yes, they were."

"Pity.  I respected the agent that bought them from my first agent.  He was honest and gave me good advice about Tral."  He shrugged.  They all glared.  He stared back.  "It's not my fault.  You guys knew there were gay characters in the first book."  He shrugged.  "For that matter, I had to hear from someone at a convention.  Which is a fourth violation in the contract.  So what're you going to do about this?  Because I'm quickly moving from pleasant mood down."

"Calm down, Xander," Paula ordered.  She stared at them.  "It was a stupid move, gentlemen.  He's in his rights to sue you all."  They got up and stomped out.

"Okay, see you in court," Xander said with a wave at their backs.  He looked at Paula.  "Online?"

"You can do that."  She smiled.  "They need some work."

"I know."  They got up and left.  "I still have no idea how I'll bridge this one."  She patted him on the arm.  "Do we think it's a curse?"

"I don't know," she admitted.  "The one that you have that other series with didn't do something like this."

"No, but they're nice people."

"I thought these ones were.  I think it's just the people that bought them out."  She smiled at him.  "I'll start procedures to sue them, Xander.  See if you can make the next book tie back into that one in the opening?  And then leave the second's beginning alone, then fix the third's so it's not the same opening?"  He nodded, heading for a cab.  "Still not writing?"

"No.  I'm thinking maybe I need laid."  He shrugged.  "I don't feel like myself either."  He flagged down a cab and got in, heading home.

"That's because you're in that drafty house all by yourself," she said dryly.  She got her own cab and went back to the office to tell her boss what had happened.  He was scowling about the situation.   None of them had known until that other writer had told Xander.

***

Wednesday night, Faith grabbed Xander and walked him off, letting Dean do the exorcism ritual.  They had been talking about Xander.  Nothing came out but Xander was grinning at the guys.  So maybe they'd do something different.  Maybe it was the being alone thing.  If she could make his muses appear to regular people, she'd talk to them.  Though his last date had been suspiciously nice instead of naughty.  So maybe it was something else.  They dragged him to a higher demon who could tell.  That one owed him so it'd cancel out some poker debt to Xander and Faith both.

***

Xander wobbled into the station Monday morning.  He flopped down in a chair beside Detective Esposito getting a long stare.  "Rick picked me a good girl who hated sex.  Dean picked me a satanist who wanted blood."  He grinned.  "And then he had to get her off me."  The detective shook his head.  "And it's the house that's driving me nuts.   Faith said she can't move in and the boys aren't around often enough so I need a roomie to give me someone else there so I can drop into that state.  Plus it was partially a curse and the really nice demon fixed it instead of paying me in kittens."

"Good," he said.  "I don't know anyone looking for a roomie but I'll ask."

Xander grinned.  "Okay.  Did you know that the Vice people are crackheads?"  The detective glared.  "Because they were encouraged to be by my date."  He grinned at him.  "She was kinda mean to them.  I didn't realize that until she came up smelling like drugs and I complained.  Then I let them go free and apologized but they're being mean to me now."

"What did she do?" he asked, pulling up a search with his name.  Nothing.  He called over there.  "It's Esposito in Homicide.  I have an author here who said he had to free some of your guys from his date of the moment."  He listened, leaning back in his chair.  "He said he didn't know until she came up smelling like drugs.  For all I know he was sleeping for the first time in months."  Xander nodded, still grinning.  "Yeah, we should.  No, he dates women like that.  We've arrested a number.  Alexander, yeah."  He waited while he looked up cases with his name on them.  "Are they good?"  He smirked at the kid.  "They're just fine, kid."

"Sure," he chirped.  "But she's really mean.  And kinda hot."

The guy in his ear said something else and Esposito snickered.  "No, he dates for psychotic.  He always has.  Only evil things like him according to him."  Xander nodded.  "And the occasional nympho or near-nympho."  He tapped his pen a few times.  "That'll work.  Here.  He said he didn't know."  He hung up.  "They still want to arrest you."

"I didn't do anything but let them go free."

"Their boss thinks you knew."

"How would I know?  I was in the apartment and she had them tied in the basement.  I didn't go down there for sex.  She picked me up in the club when Dean introduced us."

"We'll work it out.  Go nap," he said with a point.  Xander pouted.  "Are you high?"

"Quite a bit," he admitted with a nod and a goofy grin.  "She gave me E.  I'm not totally sure when."

"Go nap it off."  Xander nodded, going that way.  He sighed, rubbing his forehead.  It figured on the day he had to leave early to go to the doctor's.  The head of Vice showed up an hour later.  Xander was still sleeping it off.  "Did they see him in the basement?"

"They said he showed up then and apologized.  How long have they been together?"

"Someone introduced them in the clubs sometime this weekend."

"Oh.  So he didn't know?"

"He knows he only dates evil things and he hates drugs.  Though she slipped him something."

"Figures with that sort of girl."

Esposito pulled up the file list they kept, making the Vice guy moan.  "At least he hates drug dealers and smugglers."

"He seems really young and goofy."

"He is both but he's also a hunter."

"Like deer?"

"Like demons."

"Oh."  He winced.  "So it helps in his chosen field?"

"That too.  He's an author."  He shrugged.  "So what do we want to do about this?  It's not like he tries to find women like her.  He even got set up with someone nice but apparently they didn't hit it off."  Rick walked in.  "What happened when you set him up?"

"She was a lot like my ex-wife but she got too worn out with the sex.  Apparently he was only halfway done when she went limp on him."  He sat down.  "What happened?"

"Dean introduced him."

"Ah," Rick said with a nod.  "He gone?"  Esposito pointed so he looked.  "She drugged him?  That's not how they usually do it."

"Outside that one Misery lady?" Esposito joked with a grin.

"Well, yes, if we're counting her but she wasn't really wanting a date.  At least I hope not."

"Is he native?" the Vice guy asked.

"No," they said together.

"From near LA," Rick said.

"How did the convention go?"

"He kept inside the hotel all weekend and I didn't see a single dyed blonde hair."

"At least he didn't have to beat them then.  He thinks part of the problem is that he can't fall down and safely be aware because no one's there to watch out for him."

"I've considered that but I don't know anyone who needs a housemate."

"Me either."  Xander sat up and blinked at them then laid back down.

Rick stared.  "I'm betting he's not sleeping right either."

"The cats aren't very protective and can't really stop someone breaking in," Esposito agreed.  "Xander, you better yet?" he called.

"Mo."

"Okay."  He looked at the Vice guy, who was looking amused.  "She gave him something."

"I knew that.  They said he was giggly and annoying when he rescued them.  They wanted him to go to an ER once they had arrested him."

"You can't really have him arrested if he didn't know," Rick pointed out.  "Kid."  Xander got up and stumbled out.  "When did you meet her?"

"Saturday?  I think.  Today's Monday, right?"  They all nodded, the Vice guy giving him an odd look.  "Then I met her Saturday night because I rescued them yesterday and I'd only known her that day.  She was really good in bed and kept up with me.  That was kinda nice.  And rare."

Esposito nodded.  "I know some whorehouses you'd wear out, kid.  Sit."  Xander sat down, blinking a few times.  "When was the last time you slept?"

"Four or five days ago I think?  Maybe?  I'm pretty sure this is whatever she gave me."

"Do we think she took blood?" Rick asked.

"No.  The protection I had put on doesn't let anyone outside a nurse take blood.  Or a doctor.  Even if I'm passed out."

"That's good to know," Esposito said, making note of that.  "Can we take some so we can see what she gave you?"

"Will it still show up?"

"Yup, it will."  He called down to get someone to come take it for him.  Lanie showed up.  "Here, Xander.  Let our pretty ME take some."  Xander nodded, taking off his overshirt and leaving himself in the t-shirt so she could do that.  "You could've rolled up the sleeves."

"They don't come undone.  The buttons are for pretty, not for use.  Like trophy wives."

Lanie snickered.  "That's very true.   I know a few of those.  Let me pull some blood, Xander.  Which side's easier to find?"  He pointed at his wrist so she got a smaller needle to get it out.  "That's a good boy."  He purred.  She grinned.  "You're so cute but too naughty for me."  She pulled out the needle and did what she needed to do.  "Give me an hour to run toxicology."  She walked off.  "Is he under arrest?"

"His last date drugged some Vice officers and him," Esposito said.

"Xander, you need to quit that before you end up in my morgue.  We don't want to see you being a pretty author corpse, all right?"  He nodded, looking sheepish.  "Even if they're great in bed, they're still evil."

"I tried for lawful evil as he put it," Rick quipped with a grin for her.  "She said he wore her out."

"I'm not surprised.  Bad girls have more stamina.  I did when I was a bad girl."  She left.

Xander looked at the guy from Vice.  "I'm really sorry.  When I got told she had some, after I had pinned her to the bed to complain about the smell of the drugs, I got them free."

"I know, kid.  Relax."  He looked at Esposito.  "How many of these have you had?"

"Not that many that've drugged him."

"Two," Xander said.  Then ducked his head when they glared at him.  "I slept it off and Tara kitty hissed at one until she fled and turned herself in."

"I remember Tara calling us about her but she never said that," Esposito said dryly.  "I'll have the DA ask her since she's in trial."  He wrote an email to that office and sighed.  "The other?"

"Donna?"

"Figures," Rick muttered, taking a sip of his coffee.  "But she's dead."  Xander nodded.  "Any sign of where she stored it?"

"For some reason I found a flip hatch on the roof garden.  Whatever she gave me was kinda ...colory."

"Mushrooms," Esposito and Castle said in unison.  "We'll come look at it later."  Xander nodded.

Esposito looked at him, having a suspicion starting.  With the way he had come in....  "Do you even have your keys, Xander?"

"No.  I think the cats hid them again," he said.  "I don't remember locking it either."  He frowned.  "Which was pretty dumb of me.  Oh!  Now I know why I came in beyond pouting that Vice guys wanted to arrest me for saving them.  Bridget's back in town."  He grinned.

"Hell.  No," Esposito ordered.  He called someone.  "Are you two out of court yet?"  He listened.  "Listen, bro, it's important.  Well, we have Xander....  No, not a new date totally.  This weekend's bad girl who had Vice guys hostage.  He saved them, she drugged him, he thinks the cats stole the keys.  Bridget's back, she sent him something, and he said there's a rooftop hatch that may be her former mushroom stash.  Can you?  Thanks.  Here.  He's here too."  He hung up.  "Beckett said you're staying here for now until she can clear up whatever Bridget sent you."

"Pretty red things?"

"Is it bleeding?" Rick asked.  "Last time she cut you."

"No. I think she sent me some cursed rubies."

Esposito shook his head with a moan.  "That's just bad."  He looked up then at the kid.  "How did she get out of federal custody?  She turned evidence."

"The note card said that they were boring and got shot when someone wanted her to do another job and came to find her."  He shrugged.  "I don't know."

"I'll talk with someone there later," he decided.  He texted that there was a note and a red thing from her.  "Where's the roof hatch?"

"South side of the fountain facing the back of the house."  He typed that in too.  "I only saw dirt I think.  But I didn't really look."

"That's fine."  He looked at him.  "Any other nasty surprises?"

"Not that I'm aware of.  But then again I was kinda not real awake when I stumbled in here to whine."

"Yeah, I saw that."  He added that note.  Beckett sent back that she'd get them and bring his keys.  "Beckett will get the keys from your kittens."  Xander beamed.  Lanie called.  "Yeah, Lanie?"  He listened.  "We know that.  That's really fast for that result.  Oh, that came up with the comparison.  That's supposed to be locked so no one can find it."  He grimaced.  "That's good at least.  We know, it's not the only one."  He listened.  "Even better.  No, all that's supposed to be locked up in case someone wants to try for him because of it.  I'll make that note to someone, yes."  He wrote down something.  "That's all?"  He grimaced and wrote that too.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "Was she smoking pot?"

"I can't inhale."  He considered it.  "No, there was something like parsley on the sauteed mushrooms and cheese thingy on bread."

"Pot brownies," Rick said.

"I know.  And E.  And a faint trace of Roofies and a bit of cocaine."

"No, that I dumped when I found out she had put it into my pants pocket.  I don't think it broke open."  He stood up and turned out his pockets.  "Device key, storage key, grenade pin?"  He looked at it.  "Huh?  I don't have any of those right now."  He put it back down.  "I would've been told by now if I had blown up anywhere I guess," he muttered.  He turned out the other one.  "Pocket dust."

"Yes that is," Esposito said.  "Castle, get him some evidence scrubs."  Rick got him some and let him change.  He looked at the Vice guy.

"If he's sweating and some fell into his pocket, it could've soaked through the fabric into his skin.  Not the first time I've seen it absorbed that way but it wouldn't be a lot."

Rick came out blushing.  "He said she played with enemas too."

"So there's no telling what she added."

"He said scotch, he could smell it."

"Yeah, Lanie said his blood sugar was high probably due to drinking."  He shook his head.  "He needs a keeper," he said quietly.

"Some days.  Or better taste in women.  They don't have his blood test results locked?"

"No."

"Crap."  Rick called someone from his phone.  "It's Rick Castle," he said, walking off. "I'm stranding the elevator for a minute, Esposito."

"Sure."  He waved.  Xander came out looking sheepish.  "It probably soaked in through your skin."

"I wasn't really wearing underwear."  He sat down again.  "Sorry I'm such a problem."

"No, you're not.  Your taste in women is, but you're not a problem, kid.  We'd never have caught half of these people as fast without you dating them."  He grinned.  "So calm down and let's see if we can get you a reformed bad girl.  One who'll protect you since your blood results aren't federally locked right now."

"Crap.  Did someone try something?  I don't really remember."

"I can see."  He put a query though the system.  He found something strange and walked off calling them.  He ended up calling Lanie to get information on the case and came back.  "There has been a blood hunter.  Carmen was back in town."  Xander whimpered slightly.  "And that's where the grenade pin came from."

"I did?"

"Or she did.  The tapes in the parking lot where she tried you on Friday night showed that she tossed one at you, which made you scoop it up and toss it back at her car.  It went into the back window she had down.  Lanie said it was a holy mess.  Apparently you picked up the pin at the end."

"I don't remember any of that," Xander admitted.  "Am I in trouble?  Because I have no idea what I did."

"No.  I told them who she was and they're horrified.  They were trying to figure out who you were so someone will be down later.  For now, just try to remember."  Rick came off the elevator rolling his eyes.  "Bad talk?"

"It's resealed.  Under Homeland Security's authority.  One of them wanted to know who he was and someone showed them the tape of the invasion.  They decided you're dangerous but not to humanity and I told them you're taking precautions."  He patted him on the head.

"Carmen was back," Esposito said.

"The one who trained militia people?" Rick asked, looking confused.  Esposito nodded.  "Where is she now so we can arrest her?"

"She threw a grenade at Xander so he threw it back.  Lanie has her."

"Huh.  Why throw a grenade at him?"

"She could probably scrape up enough of me to get the blood she wanted or she didn't want anyone else to have me possibly," Xander said.  "That's the most likely reasons."  They all nodded at that.  "I have no idea," he said when Rick looked at him.

"What's the other key to?" the Vice guy asked.  "Because I've only seen one of those in a movie I think."

Rick looked then at him.  "You'd be right, but they're all taken."

Xander stared at it.  "If it had been used it would've had to been left in place I think."  He rubbed his forehead.  "I don't think I used one.  You might ask Faith.  I was with Faith and Dean Thursday and after the exorcism I don't really remember anything."

They each called one, walking off in opposite directions to talk.  They came back.  "Dean all right?" Esposito asked dryly.

"Yes, he is.  Um, PFC Harris?"  Xander stared at him.  "Can we have the normal Xander back?  Just for a bit?"

"He's napping."  He shrugged.  "He won't remember either.  Whatever she put in that enema knocked him out fully.  The hyena's nicely cuddling him like his stuffed animal and trying to wake him up."

"Huh," Esposito said.  "Faith said hi."

"She's one fine woman," he admitted.  "And his first.  I can appreciate that woman."

"So can we all.  Any idea about the huge demon problem with the portal?"

"No.... was that last night?"  They both nodded.  "Huh.  No idea."

"Dean took film on his phone," Esposito said.  "He'll bring it down."  Xander grinned.  "For now, go rest and sleep it off, see if we can get him back?"

"I'm just glad I could cover.  I didn't think she'd have much effect and you guys would realize something was up when all you got was happy growls."  He stood up and tossed off a jaunty salute before going back to the couch.

"Possession when he was in high school," Rick explained.  "Chaos guy turned him into his halloween costume."

"Ah," the Vice officer said weakly, nodding a tiny bit.  "That's just weird."

"His whole town was like that," Esposito said.  "Dean's going to tell us what happened.  Apparently they were trying to track him down to rescue him from her when they ran into him after he had rescued himself and your guys, and Faith got the call on the way back to his place about the bad thing."

"Yay," Rick said dryly.  They shared a look and looked toward the elevator when Ryan and Beckett came off it carrying a box.  She tossed Xander his keys, letting him hug them.  "Anything good?"

"Oh so many good things," Ryan said dryly.  "What fun are you two having?"

"Xander's knocked out so we talked to Soldier him all morning."

Beckett stared at them.  "Seriously?"  They nodded.  "Crap.  Why?"

"Whatever she put in that enema," Rick said.  "And his bloodwork is now sealed again."

"That would probably explain why the desk guy gave us this folder," Ryan said, handing it over.  "Hey, Detective Kevin Ryan," he said with a grin, holding out a hand to the vice guy.

"Detective Third Grade Millerson," he said, shaking it.  "I'm really confused."

"We get that now and then with some of his past," Ryan said with a grin.  "Demon hunting does it."

Esposito looked at the stills from the film.  "Yeah, that was him.  He tossed underhand."

"He was raised by Willow and his school's version of sports was dodgeball," Rick said dryly.  "He probably can't throw like we would."  Beckett took it to look over.  He looked at the box.  "Bad things?"

"Many bad things.  She had seeds for growing and some mushrooms sprouting too."  He opened the box.  "And two miniature pot plants."

"Awww," Esposito said.  "That's so darling of her."

"No one would've looked up at the middle of her rooftop garden if they weren't flying overhead," Rick realized.  They nodded.  "Smart."

"Probably helped with all the killing she did," Ryan admitted.  He pulled out a bagged envelope.  "The card, the pretty red things."  He let them see it.  "And jammies."  He pulled out that bagged set too.  "The blood dripping from the neckline is just perfect."

"Have we caught Bridget?"

"Not yet," Beckett said dryly.  Dean and Faith walked off the elevator, Faith yawning.  "Long night?"

"Long weekend since she took him home and we lost him," Dean admitted.  He sat down and got into his phone, letting her see the film he had taken of the fight.  "Sammy recorded it because he didn't believe Xander would do something like that."

"That's the soldier.  Has been since she drugged him," Esposito said.

"That makes more sense, yeah," Dean decided, looking at Faith.

"Soldier Xander is like battle Xander.  I can't tell those two apart and it made some sense to me."  She sat down in a free chair, looking at them.  "Any other sitches?"

"Carmen was in town," Rick said, showing them that picture from the video.

"Eww," Faith said.

"Is that a grenade?" Dean asked, looking confused.  "Usually she'd want to screw him not blow him that way."

"He tossed it back into her car," Esposito said.

"Hey, one less evil bitch to go after him and Sammy," Dean quipped with a grin.

"Think you could talk your brother into being gay with him?" Esposito asked with a smile.  "It could help them both."

"Sammy said he wanted something more normal, not another hunter.  Pity but they only play sometimes."

"Seriously?" Faith asked.

"Yeah I guess it was good stress relief or something."  Dean shrugged.  "Never tried it so don't know."

"Single question," Ryan said with a grin.  "Where did he get the device he threw into the portal?"

"A poker contact he slammed against a wall over being late paying him when they were having an emergency.  The guy started the 'okay, okay, let me pay you' until someone else ran in noting that the portal was getting closer to opening.  Then X got paid real fast," Faith said with a slight shrug.  They all stared at her.  "I don't know where his stash is, he called it magically."

"I'll see if Tara can find that then."

"He deals off world and they don't usually touch those," Faith said, ducking her head at the stares.  "Those sort of wars could be really important or for a good reason."

"I can understand that," Esposito said.  "I'd suggest he pay Xander and then move."  She nodded, texting that to someone.

"What else did they do this weekend?" Beckett asked, staring at the two hunters.  Dean shrugged.  "No other fights, brawls, girls we should know about?"

"I got a little bit in the club but she was sucky at it," Dean admitted with a grimace.  "Couldn't even get good suction thanks to a false tooth.  Kept drooling too.  Then we realized Xander was gone and had to chase him down."

"Did we arrest her?" Becket asked the Vice guy, who sighed and shook his head.  "She disappeared on you?"

"They weren't in any shape and they can't remember where they were.  They were drugged pretty well."

"Xander said she made them smoke crack," Esposito offered.

"I smelled and it was more than that."  He rubbed his forehead.  Dean wrote out the block.  "That'll help."

"It was a brown building, I didn't see any numbers."  He drew a quick map.  "It's on this side, facing this street," he said with another notation.  He let him have it. "She lived on two I think.  We were getting ready to break in when he came out doing up his shirt."

"That's not his shirt," Faith said, looking in there.  "I think that's someone else's shirt."

Beckett went to get that to look at.  "Female shirt."  She bagged it as well.  She walked back out there.  "Have we considered a mail order bride?"

"Paula would kill you," Rick assured her.

"It might help solve a lot of problems.  Including giving him someone there all the time."

"And start other problems like publicity and prenups and immigration," Rick countered.

"They'd still probably be evil too," Ryan quipped.

"Yeah, if he wanted to marry an evil Russian girl, there's always Maya," Esposito said, holding up her wanted poster.

"He was having dinner with her on Tuesday," Faith said, staring at it.  "What'd she do?"

"Killed for bucks."

"Hey, right up his alley," Dean joked with a smirk for the detectives.  "Hey, Xander?"  He lifted his head.  "Maya's wanted by the Feds."

"She's going to Atlanta to hit someone and then she'll stop back for dinner on the way to Iceland."  He put his head back down.  "What happened to my shirt?"

"Not your shirt, her shirt," Beckett called.

"Oops.  Then I want my shirt back.  Before some mean woman makes me shop again."

"If we can find it when we arrest her."

"Thank you."  He pulled the blanket over his head.  Dean went in there to sit with him, and it helped him fall back asleep.

Faith pointed.  "If we could get him to have them both retire and move in, we'd all probably be happy," she said quietly.

"Yeah but then there'd be the dating problem," Esposito said.  "He and Sam both draw bad things."

She nodded.  "True.  But you never know.  They could fight it for each other."

"Maybe," Beckett sighed.  The Vice guy finished telling them the map and they went to ID her and arrest her.  Drugging Xander and Vice guys was not allowed.  It was against the law.

"I don't want to know what went up your ass, quit giggling about enemas," Dean complained.  "Please!"

Rick shook his head.  "I was never quite that wild.  Bad girls sure.  Even did shots of mushroom laced tea a few times when I was in college.  Alcohol and drug laced enemas, not so much.  I really have got to have him write that stuff down in a way that helps parents talk to their teenagers about those things."

"If I knew then what I know now," Faith said dryly.

"You'd still be a hot chick," Dean called.

"Thanks, studly."

"Yes I am."

"Women don't like guys with big egos," Beckett called.  "That's why you can't get a real woman for more than a one-night stand, Dean."

"Don't want one.  I'm too young and pretty to settle down."

"Uh-huh."

Faith had a plan and decided even though it was a Buffy plan, it'd work this time.  She could probably even get Buffy to do it for her as a way to make up to Xander.  Well, that might be dangerous.  So she'd better find a way to do it herself, or have a demon do it.  One who was leaving the realm so the boys didn't get them back.  But there were a few of those she knew.  They'd like the status of having hurt the Winchester boys.

Rick leaned down next to her ear.  "Make it very subtle because you have to work with them later on," he said quietly.  She smiled at him.  "Though I've had that same idea."  He went in there to get coffee.  Xander gave an inquisitive grunt.  "Feeding my caffeine habit."

"'Kay," Xander mumbled, drifting off again.  "Did kitties steal the keys?"

"I have 'em," Dean promised.  "Your kitties are at home, Xander.  Not here."  Xander pointed at something underneath the blanket.

"No, that's Meow, the station stray.  He hates keys," Rick assured him.  Xander nodded and started to snore again.  Dean shook his head.  "A kid who was a witness found him and named him."  Rick went back out there to see if they could arrange more things for the boy's, and their ease of arresting's, benefit.  "He thought Meow stole his keys."

"He hates keys.  And tunafish.  I put out some and the stray dog ate it instead."  Beckett shook her head.

"So do the kittens," Faith told her.  "They hate fish stuff.  Including the hairball medicine."  Rick winced.  "Yeah, a lot."  She made notes on the most recent dates so they could look them up too.

"Was it a convention?" Beckett complained.  Rick nodded.  "That's it, I'm tying him to someone so he can't date."

"I'm too studly for that too," Dean said.  "Ask Sammy."

They all stared at him. "Protesting too much, dude," Ryan said with a smirk.  Dean glared but Xander purred at him so maybe that was a good thing in the making.

***

The demon looked at the boys he had captured, shaking his head.  "Sorry, guys, but I had to pay off a kitten poker debt."  He punched Sam.  "So you can't have a vision for the next month."  He grabbed Dean's legs and broke them quickly and as painlessly as possible then did the same for Sam's.  "There.  No more poker debts, and you guys can even have a vacation," he said with a grin.

"Who paid you?" Dean growled from where he was tied to a chair.  They had been captured on their way out of town.

"I'm not allowed to tell you that but by paying off my poker debt this way, I earn *great* status and can get a harem back at home.  They consider you two scary guys."  He beamed.  "They'll heal but you'll be fine."  He patted them on the head, grabbed his bags, and ran for the transport portal guys.  Though he was nice enough to tell someone to go untie them and take them to the ER.

Dean looked at Sam.  "You good?"

"I think he only bruised my left one," he said, wincing as he moved.  "You?"

"No, both broken."  A demon peeked around the doorway.  "What?" he demanded.   "We're not happy hunters!"

"Reggie said to come get you guys free and tell Harris to take you to the ER.  He said he's really sorry he had to do that."  He came in untie them.  "Want me to call an ambulance instead?"

"No, we can be driven," Dean snarled.  "Where is that idiot?"

"Reggie just left for home.  Getting you two will get him nearly as much status as one who took out a slayer.  He had to so he could get married and spawn.  He was nice at least, right?  He didn't kill you and he could have."  They both glared.  "Sorry!  With overcrowding there, it's all about status.  Otherwise you don't get married, have kids, nothing like that."

"I get that," Sam said, trying to sound calm.  "But who did he pay off?"

"He owed a few people.  I don't know who's plan this was.  I know that they didn't want to piss off the Knight by hurting you too much, just keep you out of trouble.  Sorry!"  He ran off.  "I'm calling the Knight to come pick you two up!  We'll make sure no one touches your car."

"Tell Xander he can drive us in it," Dean snarled.  He checked his legs, both broken.  Sam's was clearly broken with the bruising started and the other wasn't bruised, just swollen.  "Looks like we'll be camping."

"Xander would let us have rooms for free," Sam said quietly.

"I'm not sure I could live with cats," Dean said.  "I'm not a little old lady."

"Neither's he."

"No, they were Tara's and he inherited."

"Fine."  Xander walked in looking confused.  "Some demon broke our legs to repay a kitten poker debt."

Xander gave them an odd look.  "You guys don't play kitten poker.  Did you piss off someone regular mafia?"

"No," Dean said.  "It was to keep us from hunting for a while."

"Huh.  Well, I have spare beds.  You can call your dad from the ER."  He helped them up and out to their car, then checked around, walking off shaking his head.  "That was such a Buffy plan."  Both boys stared at him.  He nodded.  "It was."

"If it was her, I'm paddling until she begs Dad for mercy then handing her to him," Sam said.

"Like I'd leave you anything to beat the ass of," Dean complained.

"She's got a flat ass, it wouldn't take that long to wear it off," Xander quipped.  He got the keys from Dean.  "I'll be really gentle."

"Better be," Dean grumped.  He watched Xander drive them to the small, private ER.  "Dude, more expensive."

"St. Vincent's probably has a six to eight hour wait time tonight by now.  These guys hardly ever have any."  He got out and smiled at the guard.  "Can I get a couple of wheelchairs?  Someone broke their legs on them to keep them from leaving the city."  The guard called that in and nurses came out.  "Hi, Meredith."

"Hi, Xander.  The Winchester boys," the demon said, staring at them.  "Why?"

"From what Paulie, little green Paulie, said Reggie did it to pay off a kitten poker debt right before he left because it'd get him great status with the women."

"It probably would among his people."  She helped them out and into the wheelchairs.  "Boys, relax.  We deal with both demon and human injuries and we can do casts just as good as anyone else."  She smiled.  "We did when Xander finally admitted he had things broken last time."  She and Xander wheeled them in.  "There's only three in line ahead of you, all pretty bad cuts, so it won't be long, boys."  She left them in the waiting area and signed them in.  "No cellphones," she called when Sam pulled his out.  "He can call for you from outside."

Xander took Sam's phone and walked out there to do that.  He came back shaking his head.  "Your dad growls like hellhound puppies."  The other demon in there with them laughed.  "He's either got upset tummy troubles or he's really ready for a collar."

"Dad hates it when we're injured," Dean complained.

"So do we but only Dean really growls," Sam told him with a faint grin.  "Did you tell him why?"

"Yes, and he went from worried daddy growl to hellhound growl then.  Or else he dropped the phone and the hellhound was getting happy with it."  He shrugged.  "I know he growled 'damn it I'm in Minnesota' when I told him it was me and you guys were in the ER.  He didn't calm down much when I told him it was only broken bones."

"That demon should probably stay on his home plane forever and ever," Dean assured him.  Xander nodded.  The nurse came out to get the one waiting with them when two demons walked with their new stitches.  Then Dean and Sam got brought back together.

The doctor looked at them.  "Reggie did a very delicate job, boys.  They shouldn't have any problem growing straight and strong."  She smiled.  "It's all over the underground."

"Buffy plan?" Xander asked.

"Slightly but not that source."  She smiled at him.  "Quit taking that herbal thing, Xander."

"I can't.  The house is driving me nuts.  I have to live there for the rest of this year."

"Maybe the judge will let you sell it sooner," Sam quipped.  "Why is it driving you nuts?"

"I don't know but I can't sleep or anything.  Maybe the former owner's hanging around but I know she was cremated."

"Let them figure that out."  She got them casts for their legs.  Dean moaned.  "Sorry.  I could do plaster."  They shook their heads.  "Six weeks, boys."  They nodded.  "Congratulations, Sam, you can wander more easily."

"Sure, I can be the fetcher of beer and breakfast," he quipped, sounding tired.  She got them all set up and let Xander sign them out to go home.  She gave them something light for the pain and it was better.  They were so cute.  She had nearly had them autograph a picture for her daughter.  The next one she stared at.  "Why were you cutting a lightening bolt into your forehead?" she demanded.

"The coming out party for the last Harry Potter book," he pouted.  "Mom said I shouldn't have used the nailpolish to do it."

"No, probably not since it can kill the skin on your type," the doctor chided.

***

Dean settled in on the bed, calling his father.  "Sammy and I are both good, Dad.  He's got one bad bone bruise and one broken, I've got both broken.  Yeah, that's why."  He listened.  "Xander's, and he's right, the house feels creepy."  He shifted.  "We'll try to cure that for him.  No, he's in the kitchen muttering.  Apparently someone made a Buffy sort of plan.  That's what they all called it but the doctor said the underground said it was a different source.  So yeah, we're up here in New York for six weeks.  Sammy's got his own room, Dad.  Neither one of us can really *walk* right now.  Shared bathroom is nice.  Bed's comfy.

"Xander will fuss so that'll be nice.  Kitten already loves my head."  He looked up at her, getting his hair lapped again.  "She's giving my hair a bath."  He listened to his father.  "I don't know.  The house just feels...wrong somehow.  We never notice it during the day but it feels odd.  Please.  Not like we can," he quipped.  "Thanks, Dad.  Yeah, she's fine.  I let Xander drive us to the nice demon and human ER place."  He hung up on the spluttering.  He reached back to pet her gently.  "Thank you for the bath, Miss Kitty."  She kept cleaning his hair, which for some reason lulled him into sleep.

***

Xander met with the judge, shaking his hand.  "There's a problem with staying at the house."

"What problem?"

"I haven't slept in months.  Though I know why thanks to a few other hunters."  He handed over the notes.  "Their dad had to stop it for us.  I had no idea that an open portal would cause that much drama."

"Drama?"

"Well, yes.  There was a nicely done demonic ballet going on on the other side."  The judge moaned, shaking his head.  "When it started to fully open, the prince that stepped through said 'you're not her' so I had to tell him why.  He sighed and said it was a sad day and left, which imploded the portal, which destroyed the kitchen.  And part of the living room.  And the basement.  So we can't really live there right now.  The insurance is going to fix it and the elder hunter knew how to make sure it wouldn't reopen at any time to someday bother someone else.  He's fixing that as soon as the work's done.  So can I please sell it and move?"

"Yes," he said, smiling at him.  "I saw what they found at that other house."  Xander grimaced.  "That's fine.  Have the PD make sure she didn't leave anything else there and then you can sell it."

"Thank you."  He grinned.  "We can even say that we've had it supernaturally cleaned so nothing else will happen."  The judge laughed and signed the order.  "Thanks.  I have my eye on something.  It has a doorman, elevators, security, and is just up the street from the police station that likes to arrest my dates."  He grinned.  "And it's never been haunted or owned by a serial killer."

"Assassin?" he guessed.

"Drug dealer.  European drug dealer."  The judge smirked.  "He's going to jail and if he doesn't sell it soon, the state will confiscate it.  He has a baby momma in France."  He took the forms.  "Thanks.  I'll pay the lawyer his fee."  He nearly skipped out.  He signed the papers on that place and let the bank take that hit.  He also went to talk to a certain priest at a certain church he knew about.  "Father Morgan," he said as he walked up to him, smiling and happy.

"Harris," he said, staring at him.  "Is she going back?"

"No, actually she's happily denying she's pregnant with her second child."  The priest smiled.  "Her husband has helped a lot since she got clean.  No, I wanted to talk to you about the house I'm selling.  One of my ex's...."

The priest held up a hand.  "Which one?  Even I've heard about a few of them."

"The one that I had to burn down her other house.  We just cleaned the portal to another hell dimension out of it the other day and it's being upgraded due to the damage that caused.  Six bedrooms.  Nice kitchen.  Rooftop garden with new fencing around the edges and a fountain."

"The diocese might like that.  The ones the nuns live in is presently falling in."

"I saw that article, which is why I came to you first."  He grinned.  "Since we're making sure the portal can't reopen it would be very safe.  We removed the ghosts.  A lot of bedrooms and bathrooms.  Nice garden and small lawn.  Nice enough neighbors and the old diocese house is up the street."

"You live in the Victorian row house they've been working on?" he asked, looking confused.  Xander smiled and nodded.  "I'll ask.  The nuns all seem to love that garden."

"It's deep enough to grow shallow root veggies.  Not potatoes but you can do that out front if you wanted to.  I just put up that fence."

"That's a house they'd adore.  I'll have someone come see it later.  When are you selling it?"

"As soon as the reno's are done.  I bought one off someone less dangerous who's going to jail so his baby mama wouldn't starve."

"Good of you," he said dryly.

"Also, less stairs for the two hunters I have recovering."  He shook his head.  Black Morgan laughed and patted him on the head.  "Let me know, I'll be home all day packing things."  He skipped off, taking the bus back to the house.  It came within a block.

Morgan went to talk to the higher ups.  They had agreed they needed a new house and that might have enough room for them all. Plus he could make sure that portal never opened again.  They called John Winchester in since it was his sons seen on the porch with casts and the cats.  He told them what had happened and how it had been sealed.  Plus about the former Victorian ghosts that they had gotten earlier in the month.  The diocese decided it was a good house, the boy wasn't driving a hard bargain on the price so they could get it cheaply, and the inspection report from before he took it over was excellent.  They agreed that night to buy it at the meeting and Xander faxed papers over with his terms.  They liked that, it was less than they had expected.

Probably how much he was paying for his next one since it was a desperate sale.

***

Sam blinked awake.  The new house was really nice.  The doorman smiled at them whenever they had to hop and go see someone or whenever Xander helped them.  He stared at the cat on his chest, petting her.  "You're not one of his."

"She came in from the heater ducts," Dean called.  "Xander's writing so he's not listening."

Sam got up carefully, taking her to carry off.  He found Xander engrossed in something so he went to the doorman.  He was staring at the elevator when the door opened.  "She snuck in."

"She lives below you boys."  He smiled and took the cat.  "Somehow she gets into the heating system and wanders.  I'll hand her back."

"Thank you."  He rode the elevator back up and nudged Xander.  "You need sleep too."

Xander kissed him with a manic grin.  "They're back!"

"I can tell.  Take a nap?"

"No!  I can't take a nap or I'll lose all this and then Paula will beat me."  He went back to his typing.

"We'll make you nap when we get up," he decided, heading into the bedroom again.  "Dean, need help since I'm still standing?" he called.

"Could, yeah."  Sam limped over to help him up and into the bathroom then back to bed.  Then Sam fell into bed and went back to sleep.  Dean took a painkiller for his legs.  They ached.  Though it was no wonder the heat didn't work since the ducts had cats in them.

***

Esposito came back from checking on Xander because he was too quiet.  "He sold the house to nuns."  Beckett moaned.  "They said he moved up the street where that drug dealer got busted.  The boys are both limping and Xander's stuck in muse hell.  They won't even let him sleep right now.  He looked like he hadn't slept in two weeks.  Circles under the eyes and all that.  I kindly nerve pinched him for the Winchesters, who put him onto the couch to sleep.  Sam sat down to proofread for him and Dean was trying hard not to move at all.  You might want to warn Paula."

"I will," Rick said with a grin.  "I'm sure the nuns will enjoy the garden."

"And that one scary priest, Father Morgan."

"Huh.  Yeah, he's the one that Xander brought Willow to about her magic addiction."

Beckett wrote that name down on a list she kept in her desk drawer.  "Good to know."  She got back to her searching.  "Anything on the case?"

"Not yet," he admitted.  "But I did see that Maya girl.  I alerted the feds so they could get her.  She was cooing over Xander when I left."  She smirked at him.  "I called the one that dealt with the death threats.  He has a watch on the kid to see who he dates too."  They all smiled at him.  Yup, it was back to business as normal for them.  And soon Xander would be back to dating insane women again.

***

Paula got the warning email from Rick and sent one to Xander to take a long nap, he clearly needed it.  Sam sent one back saying they had knocked him out and a list of what was in his 'hasn't been sent to Donnie yet' folder.  She nearly moaned in pain.  She sent back a suggestion for him to try a new series.  The world could use a new series.  Sam sent one of them in the new International Hunter series.  Which made her bang her head on the table.  She sent back for him to try regular fantasy again.  And that she had heard from the people who had screwed up, so he needed to call her later on this week.  Then she went to have a nice glass of wine and a valium.  Before she went back to banging her head on the desk.  Because Xander killed her nerves, drove her nuts, and made her a lot of money.

The End.

Chapter 18: Location, Location, Location

Something had to be done about the new house.  Fortunately Xander has plans for that and the warehouse.

Xander sat down in front of Paula.  "Okay, what's the meeting about?"

"Some of your stuff has been out for years, the sales are dropping below the 'keep in print' levels," she said, staring at him.

"I thought some of them may be going that way soon.  So what are the options?"

"Two.  Basically we can let them go out of print, which some day means they can be worth more through resellers.  Or we can give it one more go-round then do that."

"Huh.  I was looking at something that was on-demand printing?  It did that with audio books?"

She frowned.  "I haven't really looked at those options.  Most of these are in e-book format."

He nodded he knew that.  "It was for self-publishers basically but it was a 'print when it's ordered' thing."

"Huh."  She got into a self-publishing site she had used before.  "Some of the older authors could use that same help.  Set up a publisher only website?"

"However.  I have no idea how it works.  I'm not sure if there's some little troll somewhere that goes 'someone ordered one, print it'."

"That might be," she admitted with a smirk.  "I can talk about that with the printing company, see what they think.  If so that's a really nice option.  Or even put them into a webpage format.  Order it and download it.  Most people do that with e-books and audio books."  He nodded.  "I'll talk with them about those options.  That does bring up a point.  Why don't you have a website?"

"Because I don't really connect with people that way.  I'd rather talk to them face-to-face than on Facebook or anything."

"I can understand that," she admitted.   She got into a bookmarked site, showing him.  "This is Rick's."

"Wow, shiny."

"A bit too shiny but it fits his style.  You could do something like a live journal site.  Put up previews there when I say to, put up notes every once in a while.  Answer fan mail so the Post Office isn't overloaded."

"I'd never be able to keep it up."

"Things like live journal you don't have to do any maintenance.  You just pick a theme, and basically start writing."  He shrugged slightly.  "How's the new house?"

"Okay.  The owner's association was a bit huffy recently when we handed back someone's cat.  Mine know not to get into the registers and I blocked off ours so they couldn't get up anymore.  They say they don't like cats but the whole building has cats so the new owners were shouted down.  And nearly shot by one of the guys in the penthouse apartment.  He's got a pureblood siamese and two pitts."  She shuddered.

"Very sweet dogs.  They both pounced Sam into a wall to pant at him until he petted them."  Xander grinned.  "And the building's new owners hate that so many people aren't really nice in the building.  I think I'm one of the few non-thugs, but the other residents hate how often people show up to arrest my dates.  Someone asked about that during the last meeting and I pointed out I dated arms dealers, assassins, and others like that.  It was a well known fact those were the only women that liked me.  Then I quipped about the guy who gave me the nuclear missile head when someone suggested I switch batting teams."

"You do need to date better."

"I've tried."

"I know.  Do they like that you're an author?"

"Yeah, they think it's neat.  A few have read me and said I was good at it."  He grinned.  "The building's owner called me a flake so I pointed out I was also a former demon hunter.  His skin turning this pretty puce/pink shade meant I knew what he was.  He's deciding to leave me alone.  He can't eject me from somewhere I own.  I have the deeds and all that.  I had them reresearched since it was such a quick sale and the title company agreed they were mine.  There wasn't anything irregular.

"He's trying to say I can't use the building's facilities and I told him I could and if he didn't like it, the offer to drop him in the river stood since they're allergic to regular water.  The others in the building laughed at that and agreed they could do that easily enough.  One even threw his closed bottle of water at him so he stomped off and vowed we'd all pay.  He got taken out later that night by one of the other higher ups in the poker circuit since he owed them money, totally unrelated; I had Detective Ryan ask.

"The other people in the building have formed an owner's committee and I made a complaint about the heat problem.  They agreed it was one but they couldn't really turn on the furnace with the cat crawling around in it.  They told her to block off whatever he's getting through somehow and I gave her good ideas on how to put something like a filter across it so she could still get heat but not let the cat through."

"Even better.  Your house is that cold?"

"Yes.  It's the only ancient thing in the building.  I'm about to have some baseboard heaters put in.  To do that though it'd have to get the whole apartment rewired.  The electrical is older."  She winced.  "Not that old.  Not a fire risk but definitely have to have it changed for more load bearing on the circuits.  I had an electrician up to talk about that.  Recently I've been baking a lot.  Which Sam and Dean say is making them fat."  He grinned.

"Move," she ordered.

"This is my third move this year," he pointed out.

"I know.  Sell that one.  I'm sure there's some up and coming drug dealer who'd love to own there while you get a brownstone or something."

"I can't find anything in my usual price range.  I barely found this one and the only reason I did is because one of my weapons contacts told me."

"Well, try soon.  I can't have you freeze."

"I know."  He grinned.  "I'll consider the website thing."

"Do more than consider it, Xander."

"Yes, ma'am."  He pouted.  "I don't want to hire someone and Alexis isn't taking a computer class so I can't have her do it as a school project.  By the way, the nuns loved what she did with the house."

"You let them have the furniture?"

"No.  When they came in to look it over, they said they loved what she had done."  He grinned.  "She got an A too."

"I'm happy for her.  I hated classes like that."

"I think she was thinking it was a stress-free grade."

"Probably.  That's why I took Home Ec."  She looked at him.  "I'll talk to the printers about that option and we'll talk about the website next week, once you have a chance to talk to some other authors about what takes the least energy."

"That would be me hiring an assistant," he said dryly.

"Who'd be able to remind you to eat," she quipped back.

"That might help when Dean and Sam get back on the road."  He got up, signed for his royalty checks, and left.  He made it back to the building after a quick stop at the bank, and found his building had police cars surrounding it.  "Damn, did I date again already?" he quipped.

Two of the uniforms glared at him.  "Sir, are you a resident here?"

"Yes.  I live on four.  Why?"

"There was a shooting on the third floor.  We can't let you in for a while.  The elevator's in use."

"You do know that most people can take stairs?" he quipped.  "Really.  I have two friends in with broken legs.  So I need to go make dinner."  He waved at one.  "Can I use the stairs?"

"Go ahead," Beckett called.  "They're fine.  Sam came down to be nosy."

"Thanks, Beckett."  He grinned at the growling uniform.  "She arrests all my dates."  He shrugged and headed inside.  Dean was cleaning all his weapons to have something to do.  "I got ordered to put up a website somehow."

Sam shuddered.  "I hated taking that class in college."  Dean gave him a funny look.  "It was a mandatory."

"Yay," he said blandly.  "Xander, where's the rest?"

"Warehouse."

"Huh.  Can we?"

"Sure, I can drive you guys there tomorrow."  He grinned.  "With the way things are going I might end up living there.  Paula hates me being here."

"There might be less cold," Sam pointed out dryly.  "And huge."

"True, very huge if I bring up that spell.  If not, still about a quarter of a block.  I could build up and all that."  Dean shook his head quickly.  "It'd be really safe."

"It's not the best neighborhood to be lurking in overnight," Dean said dryly.

"Two working factories but nothing too bad.  No dealers or homeless there because all the warehouses are in use.  I'm not sure how high I could build up though."  He shrugged, going outside to find Rick.  "Paula hates me living here."

"Paula would," he agreed.  "It's full of dangerous people who could kill you."

"Do you know a guy who could tell me if I could build overtop of the warehouse?"

Rick considered that.  "I know two architects."

"Cool!"  He beamed.  "I tried to find the one that did the loft but he's not in that office anymore.  Can I have the name of the guy who did your webpage too?  She said it's not optional."

"I can do that too," he promised, patting him on the shoulder with a grin.  "Give me a few days to dig them out."

"Okay."  He grinned.  "Aww, it's the other non-thug.  She was an accountant.  Some sort of auditor."

Beckett looked over.  "You two talked a lot?"

"Owner's meeting.  It was her cat that kept getting into the heating ducts."

"I didn't see a cat," she said, looking at the others.

"It gets into the heating ducts and wanders all over the building," Xander said with a slight shrug.  "We've been visited a few times.  It likes the ones in the Penthouse and his dogs.  Hey, Sal, where's her cat?" he called.

"On four somewhere."

"Then I'll ask my neighbors."  He grinned.  They smiled back.  "Thanks, Rick."  He bounced off again.

"It's nice he saved us a few steps," Ryan quipped happily.

"Very," she agreed.  The doorman came out with the cat, which had blood on it and a few good cuts.  "Let's get the vet we use to take evidence from him," she decided, letting Esposito take it carefully.  He did the best with Xander's cats.  She saw Tara and shook her head.  "Not him."

"Okay.  Do we need the name of a good vet?"

"We have one."  Tara smiled.  "Guys, she belongs with the bouncy young one."  They let her inside.

"Miss Tara," Sal said respectfully with a smile and a hat tip.

"Hi, Sal."  She patted him on the arm.  "Is Xander in?"

"He is.  A bit bouncy today too."

"I'm going to make his week then," she sighed.  She walked back out there, looking at Beckett.  "Beth's parents?  Can I have Xander talk to them the way he did mine?"

Beckett stared at her.  "If they're threatening her, have her file a restraining order so we can do something," she said bluntly.  "Don't let Xander smack them around, they can charge him with that."  She nodded, going inside.

"It's nice that she found someone to protect like Xander protected her," Esposito said.

"It is," Ryan agreed.  "And Beth's sweet.  She made Dean cookies the other day."  They walked off to get information from the doorman about her.

Beckett shook her head.  "Tara gave them too many cookies this time."

"I think she made muffins.  I saw a muffin earlier."  Rick helped her ask people questions.

***

Xander looked at Sam over dinner.  "I almost need to get an assistant.  Someone to do things for me and sit around here to make sure I don't die while I'm writing."

"That'd be an easy damn job," Dean quipped.

"She could pay the bills you forgot, and nag you about sending things to Donnie since he said you couldn't send everything at once again."  Xander nodded that was true.  "What did Paula think about that?"

"She thought it was a really expensive idea and that I wanted to be Iron Man someday instead of Batman.  She told me to hire a live-in housekeeper instead."  He looked down at the pat to his leg.  "Hi, Homer."  He dropped a piece of meatball for the cat, getting a meow and the cat scarfing it before running off.  "What do we think about me building overtop of the warehouse?"

"I think you need to find out if you can," Dean said.  "I think it'll be really expensive too."

"Probably, yeah.  But when I sell this place, I can get most of it back.  And I'm still making money."  Someone knocked and he went to get it.  "Hi, Rick.  We're having dinner.  Get back here, Homer."  She ran back inside.  He got the other cat and let Rick walk in so he could shut the door.   "What's up?"

"Architects?"  He held up a piece of paper.

"We were just talking about that."  He led him to the dining area.  "Guys, you remember Rick."  They nodded and Sam waved his fork with a grin since he was chewing.  "Do you think I could build up there?"

"I'm not sure how it's zoned," he admitted.  "They can find that out for you.  What were you thinking?"

"I liked the original one the best.  But I like having the extra room of the second one.  And I like how your living room is so nice and the office is an actual area.  I have to switch mine around here so I can't watch tv while I write.  Jeannie showed up in something.  Donnie caught it."  Dean snickered, shaking his head.  "It's happened in the past.  Donnie's found song lyrics and everything else."  He looked at Rick.  "Plus it would mean I could have the great security system and I could finally get around to straightening out the warehouse itself.  Plus put the weapons mostly down there so they're safer."

"That'd be helpful," Rick agreed.

"It was nice the officer only asked once why you had a gun," Dean quipped.  Rick gave Xander a funny look.

"We woke up this morning to someone breaking in through a window to check my gun cabinet for me.  He did not like my pistol in the back of his head when I found him fondling things.  One of the uniforms knew me by rep and the other agreed it was a good thing I had stopped him from taking the 'research copies' I have."

"Beckett heard about that.  She was debating about ordering you to put them in the warehouse."

"Which I could do and expand the security system on it."

"You could.  It wouldn't be that hard to do if it's zoned that way."

"Expensive?" Dean asked.

"In this city, building is always going to be less expensive than buying.  Land prices in Manhattan are outrageous."  Xander nodded.  "Plus only one building to pay taxes on."

"That too," Xander agreed.  "It's nearly time for that again I think.  Also there was a suggestion of me maybe hiring a part-time assistant?"

Rick stared at him.  "You more need someone here so you can't get totally lost.  A housekeeper might do you good if you could get someone like Alice from the Brady Bunch."

"She could pay bills?"

"That might help you too," Rick agreed.  "Also, something to think about, nasty rumors abound about a script based on DCIS."  Xander gave him a horrified look.  "So you'd have to think about doing some more publicity-oriented things."

"Ooh," he said with a wince.

"It'll make you a lot of money."

"Yeah but that's going to be a CGI nightmare," Sam said.

"Probably, yes," Rick agreed.  "They said there's been two being shown around."

"Can they do that without asking me or Paula?"

"No.  The studio may agree to look into getting the rights to do it if they think it'll sell.  They wouldn't necessarily have to keep you involved.  Like how that one writer last year had that problem?  So we'd have to be careful about that.  Paula's done that for me before so she's good at it."  Xander nodded.  "Do demand to look at the script first."

Xander nodded.  "I can do that."

"Good."  He patted him on the arm.  "Talk to one of them this week.  Whichever one you like better.  They can check to see if you can build on top of it and how high.  You can even put in a pool."

"I'd love a pool," Xander admitted.  "I miss swimming."

"You can hold book coming out parties," Rick teased.

"Eww."

"I know but it has to be done if you want to be an author."

"If I had known I'd have to be in public, I might not have started writing."

"It's very few of us who have to," Rick teased.

"Good point.  Do you think Alexis can work on some mannerly stuff with me?"

"Definitely," he promised with a smile.  "She knows you're not comfortable in public situations.  So does Mother if you wanted to ask."

"Your mom's kinda.... mean, Rick."

"At times, yes.  She's been very forceful in the past.  Alexis would do it easier.  She might even know some kid who could play assistant for a while."  He smirked and got up.  "Have a good night, guys."  He left, making sure he didn't bring home any cats.  He didn't need cats at his house.

Xander shrugged.  "I might like that."

"Is there really that much public stuff?" Dean asked.

Xander nodded.  "Parties for books coming out, a few dinners a year for authors and at conventions.  Book signings.  If they make a movie out of my book I'll have to freak out about red carpet stuff, and goddess forbid if it wins an award."  They both groaned.  "So, yeah.  I need to be more comfortable.  I nearly bounced myself off the stage at the last convention because it wasn't the young writer's panel, it was the newbie panel and they were treating me like a really experienced author who had all the answers, and staring.  Not asking anything for the first ten minutes, just staring at us.  It was a bit weird."

"Huh, I didn't even think about that," Dean admitted, looking at Sam.  "Still think you can write?"

"I think it's a nice hobby and Xander, I was helping in the hunter's thing."

"Hey, go for it," Xander said.  "They could use more.  Plus a few have taken tips and hints from my stuff to solve things."

"We've heard," Dean admitted.  "Ellen, at the bar, suggested Sammy do that."

"Is she the same one that suggested I bend Sam over more often?"

Sam squeaked but nodded, stuffing his mouth again.  "Yup." he said while he chewed.

"I don't think anyone would mind if you did," Dean admitted.  "That's probably why we got broken legs."

"Actually, I found that out.  It was partially that and partially to keep you guys from handling things for a while.  It was parallel plans and they took advantage of it when the nicer reason asked."

"Who?" Sam asked casually.

"Faith," Dean said when Xander didn't answer.  Xander nodded.  "She's been about getting you someone around to help you and make you happier."

"You guys are good friends to have," Xander said with a grin.  They grinned back and got back to eating and Dean ignoring the begging cat that climbed up onto his shoulder to meow in his ear.  Xander finally put a piece of meatball on the table for her to quit.  She ignored it.  Dean picked it up and gave it to her, getting nuzzled for it.  She settled in to clean his ear for him.

"Dude, your cat is strange," Dean said, looking at Xander.

Xander was watching her.  "She's one of Tara's cats.  So maybe Mommy told her to take good care of you?"

"I don't know.  She's always bathing me."

"That means that she considers you her kitten," Sam quipped with a grin.  Dean swatted him but the cat didn't get moved much.  She was still cleaning his hair and ear.  "Awww," Sam said, taking film of it.  He sent it to their father, who growled back.  "Dad's still not happy."

"Is he growling like a hellhound puppy again?" Xander quipped.

"Yup."  He sent more pictures since she was now nuzzling him again.  "Scent marking and that nose bumping is like kitty kisses."  He sent that to his father as well, who sent back a groan instead.  "Huh.  He wants us to come to the Roadhouse when we're better."

"We'll see," Dean said.  He petted her, making her a happy cat.  Who left him alone for a while.  "She was kneading my knee the other day through the cast, dude."

"She loves you," Xander said.

"We can't really travel with a cat," Dean pointed out.

"I know.  She'll be pouty but glomp you whenever you're around."  Dean nodded and finished dinner, letting Xander take the plates when they were done to do the dishes.  Dean got Homer out of the unguarded pasta and meatballs so Xander could get them to put them up.

***

Sam set up the video conference, sitting beside Dean on his bed.  "Okay, we're here," he said, sending that email.  His father popped up on some other hunter's computer.  "Hi, Dad."  He waved.

"Sons.  How are you two feeling?"

"Spoiled," Dean said with a grin.  He petted his cat.  "She loves me."

"I saw that earlier.  How's the legs?"

"Healing good.  We have about another two weeks before mine's fully healed and Dean's got another week after that," Sam said.  "He can barely limp around the house holding onto things.  He refuses to use crutches."

"Wouldn't much help since both are broken," Dean pointed out.  "I didn't want a wheelchair for six weeks."

"I wouldn't either," John admitted.  "Are you two coming out west when you're healed?"

"We haven't even begun to look for a hunt," Dean admitted.  "Not until we're sure we can go."

"That's reasonable.  Pain?"

Dean nodded.  "Hell yes."  He grinned.  "They gave me nice super advil for it though."

"Good.  Sammy?"

"Some but I've taken a few of his super advil when I needed it.  Some warm baths and heating pads.  We'll be okay, Dad.  Really."

"I'm sure you will or you would've told me by now.  Any idea who did this and why?"

"We were told earlier there were two plans.  One to keep us off the hunt for a while," Dean said.  "And one by someone local to help Xander since he was going nuts in the old house and no one was sure why.  That one proposed the plan to break one of ours each and they decided it'd keep us off the hunt better."

"Did Buffy plan that?" John demanded.

"It sounded like it," Dean said with a grin.  "But no.  Faith did so Xander wasn't all alone going nuts in that last house."

"Did you two get to move all right?"

"Yeah.  The new building's nice.  Real nice.  Just has a lot of thugs."  John rolled his eyes.  "Xander's talking about building overtop of his warehouse."

"What warehouse?" John asked.

"He inherited a magically expanded warehouse," Sam said with a grin.  "The thing's freakishly huge and has a bit of everything, including artifacts in there.  He's thinking about building overtop of it."

"At least then he'd only have to pay taxes on one thing and it'd be really safe," Dean quipped.  "Plus they were talking a rooftop pool."

"The boy's insane," John said.

"It'd be a house he could love from the start and he'd never have to move again," Sam told him.

"I know that's a good reason but that's a really expensive habit."

"He sold the Victorian cheaply and bought this one for what he sold that one for.  This one's valued at about six hundred thou, Dad."  Dean shifted some and winced as the cat clawed him.  "Sorry, Miss Kitty."  He petted her again.  John was giving him an odd look.  "She loves me."

"Clearly.  No cats in the Impala, son."

"Shut up, Dad.  She's mine now."  He stared at him.  "Beyond that, I couldn't stand litter box mess in the backseat."

"I'm wondering why Xander doesn't get busted for the property values on the warehouse," Sam said.

"I don't know," Dean admitted.  "Maybe they don't see the spell?"  He shrugged.  The cat pawed at him so he went back to petting her.  "You're very insistent today."  She purred.

"Is she possessed?" John asked dryly.

"Don't know.  Cats hate all water, including holy water."  Dean gave him a look.  "How's your hunting going?"

"I'm actually not finding much right now."

"You could head back this way," Sam offered.  "You know there's a good few hauntings up this way.  They even have a society to investigate in the city."

"I heard," John said dryly.  "No thank you."

"You could help Xander plan the new place if he gets permission to do it," Dean offered.

"I think it's going to blend his first and second places here," Sam admitted.

"Possibly.  You know, he could hire Beth to do some stuff since I heard she got canned for being with Tara."

"I'll suggest that tomorrow."  Sam grinned.  Dean smirked back.  Xander liked to baby Beth because she was good to Tara.  "Oh, Dad, there's talk about a DCIS movie."

"Wonderful," he said dryly.  "Just what the world needs."

"They're talking about it and Xander has to talk about things like scripts.  It's a heavy rumor."

He grimaced.  "I'll warn others."

"Did you get that whole 'trying to kill Xander for money thing' straightened out yet, Dad?" Sam asked.

"Mostly.  Bobby still hates how good the stories are.  It was also pointed out that some police officers have taken it and tried to fix things before a hunter had to get called.  So they'd like him to stop but they won't kill him unless he's run into on a hunt probably."

"Hmm, no, he's not stopping anytime soon.  He's even made a few international hunting novels."

"Shit," John muttered, shaking his head.

"He had two weeks of twenty-three hour days writing for his demented muses in hunting novels," Dean said.  "Paula told him to switch topics soon too."

"Joy."  He grimaced.  "I'll let that be known."

"You know, the last one that came out was the first prophecy series one," Sam said dryly.  His father stared at him.  Sam nodded.  John rolled his eyes and turned to shout that at someone else.  "He's doing some from witches' standpoints, from multiple paths, both on the side of good and not.  He's also got some ministerial ones."

"Charming," John said with a smug look.  "I'll let others know that too, son.  Any other great news?"

"We switched car insurance companies to save some money," Dean quipped and hung up.  He looked at Sam, who turned off the camera too.  "Dad so needs to get laid."

"I doubt he'd even use his hand."

"So?  He still needs it."  Sam took Xander's laptop back out to the living room safe drawer and then went to his own bed.  Dean scooted down, letting the cat knead his stomach for him.  "Are you possessed by my mom, kitty?  If so, we'll let you bite Dad."  The cat kneaded and purred at him.  "I like you too.  If I was a boy kitty I'm sure you'd be my type of girl kitty."  Sam was cackling in his bedroom, he could hear him doing it.

"Don't tempt Willow.  She's having mood swings," Sam called.

"Don't remind me."  They settled in to sleep.  Xander was already knocked out.

***

Xander smiled at the architect.  "Hi."

"Hi, Mr. Harris I presume?"

"I am."  He shook his hand.  "Did Rick tell you why he had referred me?"

"That you were looking into building above a warehouse you own?"

"Yes."  He smiled and pulled out the deed.  "I have a warehouse here.  It's a single story with a basement.  I'm not sure about zoning, I'm at the stage of looking at ideas.  If I can do it, I know vaguely what I want."

"All right.  We can start there.  It won't be too hard to look up that zoning.  How big is it?"

"It's about a quarter of the block outside."

He stared at him.  "Is it different inside?"

"Yes but that's magic.  It was like that when I got it."

"Do you pay extra taxes on that?"

"No one's ever asked me to.  She paid the taxes ahead."

"I can look into that as well."  He blinked a few times.  "What were you thinking?"

"Depending on how high I could go, though I'd probably never go over two levels?  I like.... have you been to Rick's house?"

"I'm the one that did his remodel last time."

"I like his office, though I think my books would be better suited somewhere I wasn't staring at all the other stuff I've done in the past.  Maybe things from fans and things to spark the muses instead.  I was thinking that amount of space with the living room's bathroom maybe?  And maybe a storage closet or not, however that works out."  Xander sat down to draw out what he was thinking.

"A large living room in case I have to suddenly start throwing book openings and other parties for my authorhood stuff.  Kitchen, I'm not a great cook.  I'm kinda a single guy cook with the occasional female friend who can cook that comes over.  Then upstairs, my second apartment here in town, the first got burned by a rabid stupid person, had suites."  He drew that out.  "I was thinking that way for upstairs.  Maybe one of them being the library, maybe not.  Laundry somewhere.  Up or down, whichever would be easier."

Xander looked up with a grin.  "I liked the rooftop garden thing I had with my last one and I'd kiss you if you could get me a pool too, but I know it's not that practical and I might be able to do that inside the warehouse instead.  There might already be one, I'm not totally sure with how huge that is.  I'm not asking for a great palace but comfy.  My first one...." he said, pulling out his laptop to show pictures.  "These were pictures we took there.  Um, that architect and construction crew did a great job but I think he's left the city or something.  And this is the second one," he said, opening those in another window.  "Including the bedroom systems."

He took it to look over, nodding.  "That's a really nice layout on that loft.  What was the overhang?"

"My closet.  The bathroom I had a full one and like those hotel rooms with the split sink and two pocket doors so they could use it even if a girl was in the bathroom.  Tara's I went girlish with white enamel stuff and brass."

"That's not that hard."  He looked at the other pictures, nodding.  "Not all that untraditional.  I'd call yours a sitting room, bedroom, bathroom suite, and hers about the same or a nursery and kid's bedroom.  Just the two suites there?"  Xander nodded.  "It's a good layout too and that kitchen was nice."

"I actually had more storage than I needed there, though I always thought about buying a chest freezer and sticking it in a closet."

"We can work on that.  Let's go see the property."  Xander nodded, putting his laptop back in the bag.  He brought the architect there, letting him look things over from the outside.  Xander let him into the warehouse and he stared in awe.  "I know people who would kill for that spell."

"I have no idea how she did it," Xander admitted.  "I was going to put in a second wall about here," he said, "moving the doorway here and putting in another security panel, plus an elevator on that corner there," Xander said with a point.  "A nice sized one, maybe industrial but pretty."  He nodded that was reasonable.  "I don't even think I have stairs up to the roof right now.  We have a great security system here so I can get the same company to add for the new door and the upstairs windows."

"That's a good thing."  He saw someone walking in the shelves.  "Know them?"

"Detective Taylor, problems?"

"I heard you got sent a letter bomb and came to find it."  He held it up.  "Know them?"

Xander looked.  "The crank in Mississippi who hates me for writing fantasy novels?"

"Probably.  You're adding on?"

"I was thinking above the warehouse.  Why?"

"Just think it's an odd place to build, Xander.  Relax.  At one point in time, the former owner, the one he inherited it from, was keeping some stolen goods," Mac told him to ease the worried look.  "That plus Xander dated a few very bad girls so we know him from that."

"That's a good reason to have an excellent security system," he assured him with a smile.  "Do many detectives have the entry codes?"

"Three others, plus my former female roommie," Xander said.  "And two other friends in case of emergencies."  Taylor stared at him.  "Dean and Sam."

"Fine.  Can you put in individual codes?"

"I already have.   You four detectives have the original code.  Sam and Dean have their code.  Tara and I have ours."

"That's reasonable.  What is wrong with your current one?"

"It's got a lot of thugs."

"Oh, that building is the one you moved into.  Yes it does.  ATF is looking at the guy in the penthouse."

"He doesn't do weapons.  Now, illegal liquor from Europe he does.  I'm not sure about other things."  He shrugged. "He has some very nice pets."

"I'll remind them."  He walked off shaking his head.  "From what I saw, Tara put it into your office."

"That's cool.  Thank you and let me know next time?"

"I was going to call once I made sure of it, Xander.  Relax."  Taylor left them alone.

Xander shrugged.  "Religious crank and I write fantasy novels.  He had his whole church buy a whole bunch of my books to burn.  Which I sent them a nice thank you letter for."  He grinned.

"I guess writers like you have those sort often."  They walked out and Xander made sure the security system was back on before they found the fire escape.  The roof looked pretty solid.  One spot looked a bit weak around the ventilation fan shaft.  That could be easily fixed though.  "How much do you know about home design?"

"I was crew lead on my construction site for nine months and worked there for eight before then.  That was when I was working and writing."

"So some but not totally?"

"We did more buildings than houses.  That's why I'll trust you a lot and I'm not all that demanding but I don't mind untraditional things like the poles in the first apartment.  The kitty growing trays were wonderful and I have a few.  Plus my roommie's new girlfriend is allergic so I have hers."

"That's good to know," he agreed with a smile.  He looked around.  "I see others with converted tops for apartments so the zoning might not be a problem as long as those are legal."  He looked at the other factory buildings.  "They're not that loud."

"No, they're not and they're not bad things either.  It's not a fashionable neighborhood but it's a nice enough one.  Bus comes right by here.  There's the corner store."  He looked down when someone parked.  "Yes, Officer?" he called.

"Sir, we were told there was someone illegally skulking around here in some land grab plan?" he called, looking up.

"No, I inherited the warehouse.  A few minutes ago, Detective Taylor was here because he heard I got another death threat for being a fantasy writer.  Who said that?"  The officer pointed at the huffy guy coming out.  "Give me ten to come down."  He nodded, moving to talk to him. "No clue," he admitted.

"Probably wanting it for his own shop," he said dryly.  They went back down.  "I'm the architect," he told the officer with a smile.

Xander smiled at the huffy man.  "Hi, Xander Harris.  I inherited this from the woman who used to own it."

"You have no idea how to run a company because we've never seen you here before."

"It's not a company, it's a warehouse with artifacts."  He stared at him.

"It's...."

Xander walked in and came out with a large, bedecked sword.  "It's an artifact warehouse."  The man shuddered and backed off.  Xander shut the door and redid the security system.  He stared at him.  "I'm also planning on putting a residence up top."

"You can't do that.  It's not zoned," he sneered.  Xander pointed at the apartments above the guy's factory.   "I'll tell the city," he sneered.

"That's fine.  They already know it's a storage warehouse."  He looked at the architect.  "Which office would I make sure of that with?"

"I'd call Hallings in City Hall."  He looked up his number and Xander called, putting him on speaker.  "Hallings, it's Bill.  This is my new client."

"Hi, this is Xander Harris."

"Mr. Harris, I heard your name mentioned about the fiasco with the house someone owned that was a torture shack," the phone said.

"Yes, we had that burned down because there was no way to rehab that."

"I heard.  And the Victorian that was also part of it?"

"We had to do some remodeling after a portal to another hell dimension opened.  I kindly sold it cheaply to the local Catholic diocese after fixing the damage stopping that portal caused.  I moved down on Brown."

"Wonderful.  I see news of that transfer for land taxes in that file."

"That's another thing I wanted to ask about, but later," Xander admitted.  "You know that in my file a warehouse is listed?"

"Let me look that up."  His voice faded then came back.  "Yes, I see a storage warehouse, used for various non-toxic, non-chemical materials."

"Also known as magical artifacts and my shotguns," Xander admitted.  "And other hunting supplies."

"I can add that.  It won't matter to your taxes, which I see are paid for the next ninety years.  That's a lot of square footage."

"She has it expanded."

"Wonderful," he said dryly.  "I'd like to see that."

"We're going to invite you out anyway because I was thinking about building a house on top of the warehouse," Xander said.  "And one of my neighbor's is being huffy.  Is this area zoned for residential living?"

"The area is listed as zoned for that or light industrial, though I know that one has violated that a bit.  I see you're allowed up to six stories total.  I'd have to come see the building."

"I'd welcome that fully," Xander agreed, smiling at the huffy guy.  "Thank you."

"You're quite welcome.  I can come out now.  Are you there?"

"Yes.  We are.  I have my chosen architect with me looking over the building."  He looked at him and got a nod he could stay for that visit.

"Wonderful."  He hung up.

Xander looked at the officer.  Who shook his head.  "I don't see any problem that he's complaining about then.  Are the weapons locked up beyond your security system?"

"Mostly.  If you don't know where things are you can wander for weeks in there.  It took me nearly two weeks to find out that someone had given me a volvo with a howitzer on top of it.  And then I talked to Taylor and Flack."

"Junior?" the officer asked.  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Is he in DCIS?"

"Yes, so is Taylor and a few others in the lab.  He's just too darn cute not to put in as an agent."  The officer smirked.  "I offered to make him an elf too."  The officer laughed and walked off.  Xander looked at the other owner.  "Did you need something else?"

"I'll see you destroyed, boy."

"Sweetheart, I date serial killers, assassins, and weapons dealers.  Do you really want to threaten me?"  He pointed.  "He's dated me twice now."  The guy looked, blanched, and ran off.  "Hi, Brad."  He waved with a smirk.

"Moving again?  Already?"

"I'm thinking about making it a permanent move with a house on top."

"That might be pretty."

"I might get a *pool*," Xander said with a grin.

"Ooooh, then I'll take up a nice apartment so I can get a telescope."  He walked off smiling.  "The idiot wants it because he's making drugs in his back office," he called as he walked past the cop car.

"Thank you, sir."  The officer smiled and waved at them before driving off.

"That would be Agent Brad," Xander said more quietly to the architect.  "Homeland."  The guy gaped in awe at him.  He nodded.  "I'm not sure why he likes me but he's nicer than some.  Though the sweetest date I ever had was with a serial killer.  She really appreciated me a whole lot.  Made me cookies and let me use them as foreplay.  Wonderful, caring woman who hated stupid people."  He shrugged.  The auditor showed up.  "Hi, I'm Xander Harris," he said, shaking his hand with a grin.

"Mr. Harris."  He looked at the building.  "That's in a good area.  Nice exposure."  Xander let him inside the building and he stared in awe.  "Damn," he said, staring around.

"It's a spell," Xander said.  "I have no idea how.  It's all storage and a semi-apartment I setup for emergencies.  It has a couch."

"I can fully understand that."  He looked around.  "How were you going to do this?"

"Secondary entry here," Xander said, moving to that spot.  "Elevator there."  He pointed.

"Good plan."  They went up to look it over.  "By the files, you can have an apartment up to five more stories, six total on the building."  Xander nodded.  "How high were you thinking on building?"

"I was thinking two.  Would that seriously raise my tax rates?"

"Probably a few thousand a year."

"He was thinking rooftop garden and pool," the architect said.

"I'm told I'll have to have publicity parties sometime."  Xander shrugged.  "I'm not really comfy around people.  So open but not too open or too huge?"

"I can make that easily enough," the architect agreed with a smile.  "With this sort of space we can put a library and four bedrooms with attached bathrooms, the laundry upstairs, and make it really spacious."  Xander beamed and hugged him.  He patted him so Xander let him go.

"That's not a bad plan," the auditor said.  "Once I see the plans I can give you a preliminary estimate of how much your taxes will go up.  I'm assuming you're going to pay the difference?"

"Yup.  That way no one has to try to measure how many square feet I have downstairs.  I wouldn't want anyone to get lost."

"She pays the rate for something the size of six or eight blocks.  I always wondered why."

"I think it's closer to four or five blocks but there's a partial basement area," Xander said.

"Some day I may want to reevaluate that.  She could be overpaying."  He smiled.  "We'll see."  Xander grinned at him.  "I think we can start work on the permits.  You'd want to put up that inner door first?"  Xander nodded.  "That makes sense.  That and the elevator shaft."

"I was thinking heavy duty, maybe industrial?"

"That'd work," the architect assured him.  "Big enough to move couches up on?"  Xander nodded.  "Definitely easy to do.  And fairly inexpensive.  Usually they're cheaper than household elevators."  He smiled.  Xander beamed.  "Are you going to run it to all the floors?"

"I probably should for those days I'm injured."

"We can make the living room bathroom one you can clean up in."  He walked off to the far side to measure off space.  "Rick's office is about this deep," he said, looking around.  "Bathroom on that side.....  We can do one hell of a closet and a sauna for those really cold days."  Xander beamed at him.  "And a storage closet."   He measured out things.  "Definitely easy enough to do, Xander."  Xander squealed.  "It'll be expensive."

"I'm presently living in a thug building down on Brown.  My current four bedroom, three bathroom place is worth about six hundred thou I think and I have more in the bank.  I'm making more every day too.  I should be for years."

The architect looked then at him.  "It'll cost about nine hundred thousand for what you want."  Xander winced but nodded.  "So try to sell that one for more?"

"How long to get permits and things?"

"Within a week.  You said you worked with a company on that loft that got burned down."  Xander wrote down his name.  "I know their architect.   He did leave for Montreal and a huge paying job.  We can hire them."  Xander beamed.  "Did you have any problems with him?"

"I found a lot of things I liked were a bit darker than I thought.  They'll probably remember the loft as that place with all the growing spots."  The architect smiled.  "I spoiled Tara horribly with it."

"You know Tara Maclay?"

"Yeah, I'm that Xander she was living with."  He grinned.

"Oh!"  He nodded.  "She did say it turned out a bit dark but you spoiled her horribly with the growing areas."  He grinned.  "Where is she now?"

"She moved into the second place and is renting to own it with Beth."

"She's a wonderful young woman."  Xander smiled and nodded.  "Now I understand why you were so calm about the death threat."

"Yeah, not my first this year."  He shrugged a bit.  "So....."

"Within five months."  Xander beamed at him.  "We'll have them build that secure entry first and then the elevator.  The stuff for up here we can lift with a crane."  He looked around.  "And we'll be strengthening the roof too."  Xander nodded.  "Let me get started on that and contact them about their availability.  If not them, I'll go to one that's Wicca friendly."  Xander beamed and nodded more happily.  "Go tell her the good news."  Xander bounced off.  "I'll call in about a week to sign all the forms."

"Okay!"

The auditor smiled.  "I would love to know how much square footage he really has down there."

"I think Tara did too but if it's marked officially it'll make this one look bigger and no one would ever believe a single building in this city was that large."

"Good point.  She pays for it like it's a huge office building anyway."  They left, going back to their offices to make notes on what they had seen.

***

Xander smiled at the guy he was in Rikers Island to meet.  "I have heard that you're looking for a place when you get out," he said, sitting across from him.

"You're here to offer me your house?" the thug snorted.

"No, not for free, but I live on Brown, with Tyler in the penthouse?  I live on four."  The guy sat up, staring at him.  "It was a temporary buy for me while mine was being worked on.  The last guy needed to take care of his baby mama."

"Which one on four?"

"I'm Harris."  He grinned.

"Damn," he said in awe.  "You're that crazy white boy that dates all those bad girls."

"Yes I am," he said dryly.  He grinned.  "But I'm building my dream home right now.  So therefore my place is going to be open soon."

"How much?  I know places in that building are steep."

"Fair market value appraisal for taxes was six-fifty three weeks ago."  He stared at him.  "I'll start the bidding there."  He grinned.  "I'm getting a nicely converted warehouse space.  With a pool."

He considered it.  "I know a few who'd adore that space and that building.  I know some of them are worried you're too normal.  Or they were until you pulled a gun on someone."

"Yeah, but they were screaming 'stop it' in the hallway.  I'm a white knight, what did they expect?" Xander asked dryly.

"What are you doing here, kid?" Esposito demanded when he spotted him on his way out of the prison.

"I'm getting word out that my present place is up for sale in about four months.  Closing in six."  He grinned.  "The neighbors would like someone like him more and I heard from a date that he was getting out soon."

"I would love to live there," he admitted.  "You know him?  He's a cop."

"Yeah, he arrests most of my dates," Xander said with a grin.  "He had tons of fun with the assassin last week who wanted to stay until I was done."

"Don't remind me, she's still moping she can't have your tongue again since the judge won't give her bail," Esposito complained.

"I don't know why they thought you were too nice for them," the arms dealer said dryly, staring at Xander.

Xander shrugged but grinned.  "Everyone thinks I'm nice until they see me with a sword, and then they think I'm hot."  The prisoner laughed, shaking his head.

"He's not joking," Esposito complained.  "C'mon, kid.  I'll make sure you get home."

"Did you have to come question a bad guy?' Xander asked dryly.

"Yes, and it sucks."

"Can I visit Valerie for a few?"

"No!  She's in solitary."  He glared at the laughing convict.  "I'm sure he can spread the word nicely.  You can also put a notice on the bulletin board for the building."  He walked the kid off, letting him sign out and hand back the visitor's badge and take his pocket knife back.   He ran into Beckett who was scowling.  "He was telling some people about his apartment going up for sale soon."

"That's nice of you," she said dryly.  "Keeping them all in one building."

"Guys like him have to have a nice place or no one thinks they have the money to buy the real stuff."  He shrugged.  "You have to look money to make money.  Like on Wall Street."

"Did you just compare arms and drug dealers to stock traders?" Esposito asked.

"Yes because they're all about the same sort of criminal," Xander quipped.  "I'm getting oak floors."

Beckett shook her head.  "Invite us over for the housewarming."

"Of course.  I'll even try to cook!"  She smiled and got him to the visitor's boat so they could all leave.  The two detectives shared a look.  Sometimes they worried about that guy's brains.

***

Rick got the strange text from Xander.  "Am lost in warehouse, come find me," he muttered as he read for the second time.  "How did he get lost in there?"  He sent one back but it came back that the phone was out of order.  "Anyone up for an expedition?"

"Did he find something new?" Detective Ryan asked absently as he did paperwork.

"No, he says he's lost and to come find him."

Beckett considered that.  "Did he find a portal to somewhere else?"

"Did it go to Tara too?" Esposito asked.

"Nothing about a portal and no, it didn't go to Tara too.  But... I believe Faith should be up about now and ...."  His phone rang with a new text message.   "Huh, he found ...scrolls."  He got up and went to find his errant mentoree.  Though he did call Faith to help him.  Which brought Dean and Sam with ropes and GPS systems, plus a compass.  Faith brought bottles of water.  "Is this usual?" Rick had to ask when he saw the supplies.

"He got lost last week," Dean admitted.  "But he found the pond."

"He has a pond?" Rick demanded, starting to laugh.

"That closed off part of the basement leads to a really flooded old cavern where some subway tracks fell in," Faith said.  "He brought water to the college by where T works to have it tested.  They said it's okay to swim in but not drink."

"This time he said he found scrolls."

"I'm wondering if that's the shelf with the scrolls he found that once or some other one," Sam said.  They loaded up and got in there, waving at the work guys coming out of the elevator.  "Xander's lost again."

"Sure," they decided and nodded.  They had learned Xander was a bit weird.  But a really nice guy.

Sam looked around.  "Xander?" he called.  No answer.  Rick texted him and this time it went through.  Rick held up the phone.  "Back past the carnival stuff and the weird oddities cabinet, go right, go left, then go down."

"So, basement again," Faith decided.  They sighed and headed for the only carnival machine they knew about.  But there weren't any oddities near there.  She looked and then climbed up on a shelf.  "This place is too fricken huge.  Carnival ride that way," she said with a point.  "Looks like a horsey-go-round ride."

Dean helped her back down.  "How far?"

"Six rows over to the left and then ten back."  Sam moaned but they hiked.  Sure enough it was a carousel.  With fantasy creatures.  And it had a rope with a sign that said 'pond' on it.  "So this is the other way he found," she said dryly, following it to the oddities cabinet.   Then the next right turn was a dead end... but Sam tried it and found a wiggle space to go left, which led to a doorway and some stairs.  They went down and found Xander pouting at a bunch of books and scrolls.  "Why can't you get out, boytoy?"

"Because the poltergeist won't let me because I'm just an author."

Rick patted him on the head.  "Why would I help?"

"He said I could never be as good as you.  If I was he'd let me go."  He gave him the puppy eyes.

Dean blessed his bottle of water and threw it on the floating spirit, making it shriek.  "Leave Xander alone!  It's his place now!"  The spirit whined and whimpered.  "I don't give a damn!"

"Yeah," Sam said.  "He could be mean and have us banish you or something."

The poltergeist stared at them.  "You're never going to be as good as your father.  The same as she'll never be Buffy."

"Who'd want to be?" Sam demanded.  "Faith has skills beyond weapons and hair dye."  Faith blushed, swatting him on the shoulder.  "You do."  He grinned at her.  Then scowled at the spirit again.  "Beyond that, I don't want to be Dad.  He's been alone, angry, and lonely for decades.  Be damned if I want that for myself."

"Are you someone's Mother?" Rick asked.  "I mean, seriously?"  The spirit glared at him.  "Let's go, kids.  This thing is not worth our time."  They all looked depressed and Rick had been picking up enough things to be able to bless water into holy water and he had learned an exorcism just in case Xander ever got possessed in public.  Paula had ordered him to.  Faith gave him an odd look but he did it and the spirit fled with a wail.  "C'mon."  They nodded and left, going to pout upstairs.  "We need to empty that room."  They all nodded.  Dean put on his headphones and his walkman, going back down there to scout.  If the spirit came back, he couldn't hear it.  Rick patted Xander on the cheek.  "You're chilly and you're depressed.  It's her fault."

Xander blinked at him.  "It's my fault.  It's always my fault."

"It's hardly ever your fault.  Quit that."  Faith kissed Xander and he moaned, pulling her closer.  She started to get into it too.

He blinked when she pulled back.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  If it was your fault, I'd have kissed Sammy."  Xander grinned.  She kissed Sam on the cheek.  "You're cute and all but I can't do brains like yours.  I'd make you dumb."

"Shut up," Rick ordered.  "Let's go find this pond again."  Xander led them that way.  "Is that....  That's the Addam's family organ and stuffed bear."

"Yeah, they are.  They have prop tags," Xander said with a grin.  "The organ works too."

"Wow."  Xander showed them the way into the pond, making Rick stare.  "Interesting.  Why is it blue water?"

"Algae probably," Sam said, staring down at it.  "It's pretty."

"It's warm," Xander told him.

"I'll wait until you get a pool in case the glowy fungus stuff makes me break out," Faith decided.  They went back to helping Dean and it was better.

"Aristotle's plays," Rick said, reading a case around some scrolls.  "The real ones?"  He glanced inside then at the kid, who shrugged.  "If so I know some people who'd love to study them and you'd need them insured."

"She has the whole place insured."

"Good!  Any jewelry?"

"Just cheap, cursed stuff."

"Why did she collect all this?" Sam asked.  "Some's artifacts.  I can understand collecting those but things from popular tv shows?"

"The bear does growl," Xander admitted.  Sam stared at him for a second then hiked off to check on it again.

"Shit!" Sam yelled.

"Did it bite you?" Faith called.

"No but it's possessed.  It hates holy water."  He came back a few minutes later.  "You need to organize this better, Xander."

"I have no idea how she organized it in the first place.  I let Wes come in to do an inventory and he ran out of steam after a few shelves.  I've been doing them when I could.  I've got most of the front row done.  Though I'm wondering why she has a carousel."

"It had freaky creatures.  Maybe she thought it was charmed too," Faith offered.  "Anything not weird and funky?"

"Yeah but that's all tech stuff and I think I need to get John and Rodney down to look at it.  But I'm not totally sure."  Rick stared at him so he led them over that way.  It was a long hike and Dean joined them.  He opened three doors down a hallway they entered, letting them look.

"That's very Star Trek," Sam said, looking around.

Dean was muttering and pointing.  "One's floating."

"It's not magic," Xander said.  "It does it outside this room.  I have no idea why."

Faith looked in the last one then at him.  "Glowy rod thingies?"

"No clue.  I sent an email to John to see if he knew."  He shrugged.  "This whole hallway is technological thingies.  The next one over is all wooden thingies.  Maybe she was organizing, not real sure."  He showed them those.  Then they hiked back and by then it was nearly dark outside.  "Um, Rick, won't Alexis worry?"

"Probably not."  He texted her and got back one saying to come home, she wanted a cuddle.  "Apparently it's been a bad day."  He shrugged and grinned.  "Have fun, kids."  They nodded and he left to go home.  The four younger people went to explore a bit more.  They'd be at it for days and the cats had automatic feeders.

***

Jack O'Neill walked up to the warehouse, smiling at the foreman.  "Is Xander here?"

"He's in the warehouse somewhere, General.  Why?"

"He said he found something he needed me to look at."  Xander leaned out, staring at him.  "Why is your hair white?"

"Dust.  We found out why there's a hole in the basement to the forgotten subway lines that leads to a pond."  The crew foreman gave him an odd look.  "Glowy fungus and all, but it's really pretty."

"Is the floor that weak?"

"No.  The last owner had something in there that ate the floor.  Some sort of acid thing."  He shrugged.  "She wanted the pond."  He just nodded and went back to talking to the other guys.  Xander let Jack in and to the technological hallway, and the wooden hallway.  The techno hallway got a lot of long stares, especially the floating glowy rod.  "That's why I wrote John.  That sounded like something someone in the demon community said those old guys used to use."

"I have no idea," he admitted, taking a reading with something he had gotten from the base.  "That's energy."

"Yeah but I don't know from what," Xander said.  "The wooden hallway has a bunch of really old stuff, including one in that language Rodney was translating one night."  He let him see that.  "Is that you guys' stuff?"

"Definitely."  He took a picture and sent it to someone.  They sent back a translation.   "Let's not touch that."  He sent a picture of the floating rod too and they sent back a confused sounding noise.  "Let me pack that floating one.  Let's see if it's broken or something.  And maybe we'll come look at the other ones."

"That's why I wrote John.  John and Rodney made sure I knew that Xander stuff and John and Rodney stuff were different."

"They are," Jack said with a grin.  He got beamed back and came back twenty minutes later.  "All those rods are dangerous."  Xander let them pack them up.  He took video of the other rooms for them to look over.  Those energy rods were strange but could be helpful.  "I'll tell Sheppard and McKay that you said hi, kid."

"Okay.  Tell them I'm still trying to figure out what's in here too."

"I can do that."  He disappeared with the rods.   Sam Carter took them from him and put them into quarantine in case any of the others were leaking energy.  "Any idea if they're related to ZPM?" Jack asked as he followed.

"Not right off the top of my head.  They may be."  She sent the diagnostics to Atlantis so Rodney could swear, which he usually did.  "Where did you find them?"

"Xander's freaky warehouse he inherited.  He has a whole hallway of technological stuff."  He put up the film for them to see.

She pointed.  "Is that...  That's a med scanner."

"He has no idea.  Neither did I."

"We'll let Sheppard go investigate with McKay since the boy likes them more."  She got back to work on the energy rods.

***

Xander looked up when the carousel started again, staring back that way.  "What?  Are you the doorbell?" he called.  It quit.  He went to the door.  Whenever it started someone was near the doorway.  He stared at John.  "Hi."

"Hi.  What's wrong?" he asked, looking a bit spooked.

"Why do you look like you've seen zombies?"

"What's all over you?"

Xander looked then at him.  "Dust and cobwebs.  I'm doing an inventory on a shelf.  Just you or you and Rodney?"

"He'll be here in an hour."  He got let in and walked around the open area.  "How big is this thing?"

Xander shrugged.  "I don't know."

"How much is in it?"

"I don't know."

"How long have you had it?"

"Just a bit over a year.  I've got a few areas marked for the major things there and a few cases done on the inventory."  He led him to where he was working.  "I'm over here.  If the carousel goes off, someone's at the door."

"Okay," he said, looking concerned.  "What's going up up top?"

"The new house."  He grinned.  "I'm tired of moving."  He showed him.  "See, little magical trinkets that all bite.  One's chewing on the inventory I have done."  He let him see it.  "That's the map on the back.  I'm filling it in as I get some stuff done."

"Okay," John said, looking at it.  "We're...."  Xander pointed.  John nodded and headed to the left, going to find that techno hallway.  He ran into the carousel, which was starting to play music.  "Huh," he said.  "I wonder how she did that."

"Most of the things in here are charmed or possessed," Xander called as he walked.  "I'm coming, stop it.  It's a hike!"  They pounded again.  Xander finally got there to let Rodney and as it turned out Beckett in.  "Hi.  I haven't even looked in the weapons room recently," he told her.  "John, Rodney's here."  John came out and looked at the map.  Xander pointed.  John went that way and Rodney followed.  Xander grinned at Beckett.  "I found a bunch of little biting things.  I've been working on the inventory."

"Have you made it home in days?"

"I was home last night to play with the spoiled kittens.  Why?"

"Tara said she couldn't find you."

"Huh, that's strange.  I texted her earlier."  Beckett sighed.  "Since you're here, want to go check to see if I got new presents?"

"Please."  She walked him that way, staring at all the stuff.  She stared at something new in a huge box.  "What's that?"

"No clue.  I've been working back by the carousel doing the inventory for the last week."

She looked at him then at the large box.  "Got any idea who sent it?"  Xander walked around it, coming back with a card.  She read it and snorted.  "No!  Hell no!"

"I didn't do it," he complained.  Beckett walked off calling Taylor.  He had someone on injury leave who could use some time doing the inventory with Xander.  Plus so Taylor could come get the nice missile launching system.  Xander got a dirty look from Taylor.  "I've been doing inventory."

"Fine," Taylor said.  He looked at the box.  "Are we sure?"  Xander got a ladder and climbed up to look down inside the box, nodding.  "Is it full?"

"Yup, has a tow bar too.  And there's a security system wire attached."  He reached in to undo that system and put it on mute.  "Okay, we can open the doors."  They did that and stared at it.  "Is that a SCUD or a Patriot?"

"Doesn't matter, you can't have that," Beckett said.

Xander shrugged.  The carousel went off so Xander went to check.  "Let me guess, you're the inspector guy for the house?" he asked.  The man nodded.  "Take the elevator.  This is the warehouse."  He closed and locked the door, going back that way.  "The guy to inspect the building stuff is here."

"Does the carousel noise always work as the doorbell?" Beckett asked.

"Yeah, the whole thing turns on."  He led her to it.  It was starting to move again so he went toward the front.  "Anytime anyone gets near the doors."  He looked out there.  "Hi, Flack."  He grinned.  "Who's this?"

"This is Adam, who is one of Mac's crack techs.  He's injured so Mac's lending you him for the inventory I think."

"Okay.  Sure, for as long as you can handle it, dude.  Mac's downstairs looking at the present."  He let them in and closed and locked the door again then came back to let Sam in.  "Weapons."  Sam grinned, handing over some water on the way to the technological hallway.  "John and Rodney are in there."

"I know.  Rodney asked me to bring him a phone."

"Okay."  Xander shrugged, heading down to the weapons room again.  Adam was staring at the huge basalt altar he had with snakes.  "I don't know," Xander admitted.  "But it's frozen mid-rite so I'm going to leave it there."  Adam nodded.  "I've got most of this inventoried, outside of new stuff that got dropped off, but upstairs I have whole acres of stuff to map out and get inventoried."  He grinned.  "How do you feel about little biting things?"

"Like rats?" Adam asked.

"No, like little gold things."  Xander let him see a few of the ones that had been stuck on his collar.  They nipped at Adam's fingers.  "They love me."

"Could that mean they're like your dates?" Beckett asked dryly.

He blew a kiss.  "Are you jealous you're not bad girl enough for me?"

"Hell no."  He grinned.  She smirked back.  "The world needs more good women, not more bad girls."  They went into the other weapons rooms.  "You don't need RPG, Xander."

"When did I get new RPG?"

"Never mind."  She and the other two detectives got things cleaned up and got the box taken back to the lab too.  With the box around it so no one worried.  One of the workers gave them an odd look.  "Xander's dating committee.  He only dates bad girls."

"So that's what happened to my ex-wife," he quipped.  He went back to work.

She smirked, going to the lab with the last of the weapons.  Xander was so bad sometimes.

***

John walked up to where Xander and Adam were inventorying things, staring at one.  "What does that do?"  Xander opened the music box and a large cloud came out that started to growl.  Xander closed it again.  "Really?"  Xander nodded.  "Huh."  He blinked a few times.  "Something just appeared."

"Is that how things got here?" Adam asked dryly.

"I don't know.  I inherited it so now I'm the master of the warehouse," Xander quipped.  "If I die before I have kids it's going to John."  John smirked at him for that.  "What appeared?"

"Something from my project and we're not sure how but it was in a critical phase."

"I have no idea about any of the spells on this building, John.  Like I said, she either built it or inherited it and I couldn't find anything on it when I researched the origins.  Maybe Sam could find something."

"Sam did.  She was the second owner of the warehouse.  The first one built it to confiscate things that were dangerous and should not be in 'normal' hands."  Xander smirked at him for that.  "So that whole hallway needs to go back with us."

"Is any of it dangerous to humanity?  Because it might come back."

"Some of it's broken, some isn't.  But you're getting a helper from someone who's retired from the project.  General Jack agreed with me."

"I can't afford an assistant, John.  I'm building the new house."

"I know that, Xander.  He's on detached detail."  He grinned.  "He'll love all this to death.  He's on injury leave officially but possibly retired."  Xander nodded.   "Can he crash in the apartment area?"

"Yeah.  Not a problem.  Tell him to stay out of my office."

"I can do that."  He grinned.  "We're heading out since it's nearly eight."

Xander checked his watch.  "Huh, it is."  Adam shrugged and finished and they left.  Xander turned back on the security system.  "Rodney?"

"Got sent back with most of them already," John assured him.  "Can I crash?"

"Yup."  He grinned at Adam.  "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Mac gave me his code."

"That's the general PD code so they can check on the weapons rooms."  Adam smiled and got a cab called so he could head home too.  Xander brought John back to his place.  Sam was still there.  Dean was off handling a hunt upstate that wanted Sammy's butt as a bride.  "Hey, Sam?" he called as he walked in.  He paused.  "Sam?"

"Checking the cats," Sam said as he walked out of the bedroom.  "One of the PD guys tried to arrest the guy in the penthouse suite so his dogs ran.  One ended up in here and the cats freaked.  They're in Dean's room."

"Oh, okay.  I was wondering why Beauty was in here.  Hi, Beauty."  The dog growled.  He stared at her, letting her sniff him.  "Don't start."  She settled down.  "Let me tell a neighbor while you guys start dinner?"

"Sure," Sam said happily, smiling at John.  "There's one spare bedroom left even."  He showed John where that was and then they came to get dinner started.

Xander walked up the hall and knocked on a door, cooing at the other dog.  "Hi, Precious.  Beauty's being grumpy in my place."

"I can come get her, Harris.  I heard you're moving already?"

"I'm having a really nice place built overtop of my warehouse," he said happily.  "With a pool."  The thug moaned, shaking his head.  "I have to do publicity stuff sometimes.  I've already told a few people that my weapons contacts knew so they'd be more like some of you guys."

"I heard from Jacob Crenellis."

"Jacob's a bitch," Xander said dryly.  "He flirted and didn't follow through."  The guy gave him an odd look.  "Yeah, I've dated both bad boys and girls.  The guys have mostly been nicer than the girls though.  Most of them weren't serial killers or anything."

"Yeah, stay gay then," the neighbor said dryly.  He got a leash and came to get Beauty off the couch.  "Your bitch is in my house," he told her, snapping on the leash.

Xander petted her.  "We love you but don't scare my meows, Beauty.  Like yours they'll eat you up."  She walked out with the neighbor, who was shaking his head.  "Is his cat all right?"

"Just fine.  She was hanging out on the ledge earlier but she's in and with his girlfriend."  He went home, shaking his head once he got inside.  Xander was just weird and dangerous.  Too dangerous for their building.  He hoped that new place was really nice so he didn't have to move again.

Xander came over to wash his hands and help.  He was liking cooking for others sometimes.

***

Rodney looked at Xander when they came in the next morning.  "How did whoever do this?" he asked, trying to sound calm.

"Magic.  I didn't do it."

"I see."  He stared at him.  "Can we undo it?"

"No, because then everything would crunch together.  Why?"

"Do we think it might hamper something in your new shiny building upstairs?"

"I think it's just on this floor since the basement isn't expanded that I can tell," Xander admitted.  "And that it stops at the roof.   They're building the new roof on top of this one to keep down any possible contamination."

"I see."  He stared at him.  "Why?"

"So they could support the house even if the warehouse's roof fell in.  That way all the load bearing is on the walls."

"Huh.  Not a bad idea."  Xander grinned.  "We'll have to see."

"I think the spells in here have been going for a while but I don't think I need to do anything to upkeep them.  If I do, I wish someone would tell me," he called.  Hallie appeared, looking startled.  "Huh.  Did I need to do something to maintain the spells in here?"

"Yes!"  She stared at him.  "Didn't anyone tell you?"

"I inherited it during that curse."

"Oops."  She took him down to the basement area that was sealed off and he hadn't been able to get into.  "Blood, there, now."  He pulled out a knife and did that, which made the stone warm, glow, and then go mute.  She smiled.  "Better.  Every year, Xander."

"Any specific date?"

"Pick one?"  She shrugged and pointed at the writing on the walls.  "I don't care."  She disappeared, going to tell others that Harris was the new keeper.  That was just strange but with the last one dying and leaving it to him, he had to know things.

Xander read and nodded, getting let out of there so he could rejoin the others, who had a demon joking with them.  "Did you make this warehouse?"

"I did."  He stared at him.  "You're an odd guardian."

"She died during that curse thingy."

The demon winced.  "Figures you two dated."  He gave him the book.

"Can we stop things from my project coming here?" Rodney asked.

"No.  Not if it's dangerous to humanity."  He smirked and faded out.  "Inventory map's in the back."

"Thank you.  I've been working on one."  He looked through it.  It was fairly thick but he could settle in and read.  "It's a self updating inventory," he said when he got to that section.  That was more than half the book.  Rodney snatched it to look it up.  "Looks like it's by sections."

Rodney found the technology section and frowned.  "I didn't see some of those."

"You ask like I've been all over here," Xander pointed out dryly.  The demon showed back up, looking confused.  "Problems?"

"What's going in upstairs?"

"My new house."

"Oh!"

"Is that a problem?"

"No.  They did a nice demarcation between the warehouse and the upper building."

"That's incase the roof caves.  Though we're filling most of it over."

"With a pool," Sam said happily.

"Yup, with a rooftop pool."

The demon nodded, patting him on the head.  "I know that author business is driving you nuts."

"I have to have book coming out parties sometimes now.  And a webpage."

"I know, we heard.  You'll soldier on, Knight."

"I know."  He grinned.  "Have you met Sam?"  He pointed at him.

"I've heard of him," he admitted, nodding politely.  "You should date him.  You have the necessary skills and are dangerous to many."  He disappeared again.  The spells on the warehouse got strengthened because he didn't want to know what Harris would do if something happened during one of those book coming out parties he'd have to start hosting soon.  The roof was shored up as well.  That way nothing would go wrong and the Knight would not need to hunt them down and kill everyone involved in the making of it.  The others who had helped make it agreed and helped as well.

Sam looked up, blinking at the glow.  "I think they're making sure the roof's going to stand."

"Cool," Xander said with a grin.  "I'm wondering if the basement and the leaks down to the old subway system were part of it."

"No, they weren't," a female voice called.  "The old subway tunnels underneath are not part of the warehouse, just being used that way, Harris."

"Should I move that stuff?"

"Not yet.  Sometime later definitely.  Though you'll need a crane.  Some of it's huge."  She appeared.  "We like the idea of having a guardian living overtop of it."  She smiled at him and patted him on the head.  "Date that one," she said with a point at Sam.

"Some day I want to leave the hunting lifestyle," Sam told her.  "I want the white picket fence and kids."

"Don't tempt Rosenburg, she's having a mood swing," the demon told him.  "Please?"

"That would definitely effect book sales," Xander said, considering it.  "Kids scare me."

The demoness sighed.  "I can see why.  Yours would be very scary and we'd all give them chocolate to watch you figure out how to stop the bounciness so we can use the same tactics on you the next time you OD on your chocolate habit."  Xander gave her a dirty look.  "We would."

"Whatever.  Did you need to see house plans?  I'm all about the bragging about the house plans."  She shrugged so he got them from the office for her.  She moaned, patting him on the head.  "We like?"

"I like a lot.  Especially the design for that rooftop garden and pool area.  Plus the patio garden area."  Xander beamed.  "I'll talk to someone about putting the things down in the subway tunnels up here or somewhere safe and we'll make sure the next guardian has the book?"

"If I die before I spawn, John gets it," he said with a point.  "If he's dead it goes to Dean and Sam."

She stared at John.  "You'd do very well."  She heard the carousel and sighed.  "It's very protective."  Sam leaned closer and hissed in her ear.  "Actually, a lot of the things in the tunnels came from the same area."

"Is someone living down there?" Xander asked.

"Two homeless families."

"That's fine if that's what they want.  I'll help them make a link to the pond down there."  She looked and nodded, helping him seal off that hole and make a doorway for them and from the basement.  But they were locked.  Xander hissed in her ear, making her moan.  "I think it'd be safe enough there and since they won't hurt kids....  Wouldn't that be a great thing for him to do?"

"That would," she said with a smile.  "Though it's a tiny bit mean, dear."  She smirked and took all the carnival equipment with her to a free area.  She knew a demon that would help her and they were in a city council position where that stupid hunter was.  She appeared.  "I have things donated to your town," she said happily.

The demon stared.  "Who guards the warehouse?" he demanded calmly.

"Harris."  She smiled.  "He wanted them out here so that one could have a duty that called to him.  Since these are all *protective* then it shouldn't be a problem."

"No, it shouldn't, and any child that needs help would find their way there."  He considered it.  "We have some bare land."  He wrote down the orders and she took it there to set up.  He told the rest of his city council about that.  The kids would love having a free, donated amusement park nearby.  Even if things looked a bit creepy it was old and nicely protective of the children using it.  He also went to talk to that stupid one.  He drove out to the scrap yard, smiling as he got out and two old men came out with shotguns.  "Hold up, boys.  I'm here as the head of the City Council in the next town."

"Why?" John Winchester demanded.

"Because someone has nicely donated some very old carnival equipment that is highly protective of children to our town.  It'll be halfway between here and there."  He smiled.  "It was thought you two would like to look it over and make sure that nothing would harm anyone and you could also be encouraged to make sure any children it had to protect got noted."  He got into his car and drove off.  That would pay that hunter back for being possessed and causing the outing of demon kind!

John and Bobby shared a look then they drove out to the new fairground area.  It was a very old carnival setup.  Carousel, two swinging things, a few other rides.  Bobby stared.  "That's from the Marconis Carnival," he said in awe.  "They're all blessed to protect children."  John stared at him.  Bobby smiled.  "They were put into a warehouse by the owner when he died."

"Warehouse?  Might be a thing that has an expanding spell?" he asked.  Bobby nodded slowly.  "Xander Harris inherited it."

"Oh.  Well...."  He stared.  The kids were going nuts and parents had things on already.  Everything was easily taken care of.  "I guess we can watch these, make sure no kids get to stay overnight if they don't need to."

John nodded.  "How protective?"

"Very protective.  A few who've been nearly killed have been saved by it."

John nodded again.  "Then it's a good thing and we can look it over routinely."  Bobby nodded, moving in to look over the machines, make sure they were in good order.  It was like they were brand new and shiny.  John patted one of the carousel animals.  It was brightly colored and freakish looking but it seemed very calm.  "Are they alive?"

"No.  Blessed."  Bobby smiled and patted it.  "Good job."  The carousel started on its own and more kids ran over to jump on.  "Watch the ceiling," he called.  "Catch the rings."  They looked up and caught the rings when they came down.  That got a contest going and a lot of kids were liking it.  Bobby walked over to an officer he had worked with.  "It's blessed to be protective of kids," he said quietly, staring where he was watching.  "Any kids overnight will be in the fun house most likely."  The officer looked at him.  "It's safe in there."

"Serious?"

"Yeah.  That's it's whole idea.  The guy who made it, Marconis, said that he'd protect the kids, especially the orphans, who always looked like they needed help."

The officer smiled.  "That's good to know, Mr. Singer.  Why did we get it?"

"That author I had the tussle with over outing hunting found it and donated it to the city."

"Huh.  Well I guess you can help us check on any kids out here most nights then."  He walked off.  His boss would be really pleased.  Bobby wasn't pleased it was now a duty of his but oh well.   He had started it.  Now he had to pay.

John watched the kids.  "I wonder if Sammy's doing okay with Xander," he said, taking the shirt off something as he walked past it.  He held it up.  It was one of Sam's overshirts.

"No clue."

John texted that to Sam and got back a happy, cheerful answer.  "He said the carousel used to start itself whenever anyone came near the warehouse."

"Figures."  They watched and it was good.  The kids were having a great time and so were the parents.  The fun house wasn't really being used yet but a few kids had snuck that way.  They'd make sure later who came out and who had been given sanctuary inside.

***

Xander finally got to look around his new house.  It was done two weeks earlier than he had expected.  Everything was perfect.  Xander had hired a few guys to move his stuff while he got the cats.  Alexis had helped him fix the furniture in the bigger areas and his desk's stuff.   The garden patio area outside the living room was nicely planted with things.  Tara had put a few benches out there with him and gone over what plants to plant.  The kittens were adoring their new closets, bathrooms, and other places to hide and pounce from.

The kitchen had a huge fridge.  It was all new and he was found to be hugging it his first day by Dean.  Who had just shaken his head at the silliness.  The rooftop area was wonderfully shaded on one side and the other was open.  The pool was between them.  There was enough room for some mild partying but not heavy partying.  The living room was the same way.  Big enough for small get togethers and publicity events but nothing too huge.  Nothing over, say, fifty people.  Hopefully non-nosy people who liked cats.

Xander had arranged all his books up in the library.  The study's shelves were filled with pictures from the signing trip, things fans had given him, and the stuffed rabbit Rick insisted he take back because it was driving him nuts.  The bathroom for the living room was nice.  It had a stall for the toilet, kind of.  It was in a closed little room with an automatic fan.  The sink was pretty.  There was a large mirror on one wall, and a table in case you had to put something on it like a purse, or a baby, or something strange.

Between that and his study area was a storage cabinet that held medical supplies.  Because he was still who he was and he needed them a lot.  Plus a sauna for those days he felt too cold.  Because New York had winters and he still wasn't used to snow.  He had an actual dining room, Alexis had insisted even if he did eat on the couch while watching Game Show Network or at his desk while trying to fight off the muses.  Who were being nice tonight and letting him wander around.  They weren't being whiners because he wasn't listening but he knew they were there.

The pool was filled.

The fridge was filled.

He had dinner for his friends and Rick's poker circle in a few minutes.

Xander had to change.  He ran up to do that, finding all the cats lounging in his closet.  "Being in the shoe organizer is not genetic.  You did not get that from your mother, guys," Xander told them.  They all continued to snore at him.

Dean laughed in his bedroom.  "Yes it was.  They did it in here last night.  Do you have a lint roller?"

"Two.  Look in the kitchen."  Dean went down to do that and let people in.  Sam came in to stare at him.  "What?"

"Look nice but casual."  Sam handed him something.  "Remember, they're friends.  You don't have to impress them.  They already know you're a goofy, fun loving guy."

"I hope?"

"No, you know them all, Xander.  So relax.  Put on something nice enough, and shoes since you haven't been wearing any recently."  Xander nodded, pulling down a nice outfit and putting it on.  Sam walked out, closing the door behind him.  "Hi, Alexis, don't go in there, he's getting dressed."

"I won't then."  She walked him back down the stairs.  "I was going to get a kitten to pet because I had a *horrible* German test today."

"They're all napping in his shoe organizer.  He complained they got it from Miss Kitty."  Tara snickered at that, shaking her head.  "They might have."  He and Tara pulled out food, which Alexis laid out on the breakfast bar area and the table.  Plus plates.  Nice, thick paper plates.  And plastic wine glasses.  Rick stared at them.  "He didn't want to do dishes tonight."

"I can fully understand that."  Rick watched Xander come down.  "You have a helper."  She ran over and pounced Dean, climbing up his leg.

"Did you miss me?" he asked dryly, petting her.  "I was trying to get unfurred."  She meowed frantically so he petted her, making her calm down.  "Be a good kitty tonight and go nap on my bed?"

Alexis plucked her off to pet and cuddle.  "I need kitty cuddles.  I had a bad test."  The cat still adored her too so she let herself be treated like a comfort snuggle until Alexis put her into Dean's room and shut the door.  "Do we have food and stuff up there?"

"There's a little self feeder and self-cleaning litterbox in each room," Sam said with a grin.  "We made sure of it earlier.  And all the cats drink out of the toilets for some strange reason."

"Yeah, I can wash the bowls and put down fresh water for them and they'll still be head down in the toilet a few minutes later," Xander said with a small shrug.  "Okay, I have faux wine in two flavors, I have juice, water, milk bottles.  Lanie...." he said, handing one to her.  She smiled and opened it to sip.  "Because we all know my house is pretty much alcohol free most of the time."  He grinned at the poker guys.  "Sorry."

"Only worry about that during book and publicity parties," Stephen said with a smile, taking some faux wine.  "This stuff is actually not that bad tasting."  Alexis nodded and got some of her own.  They wandered around, looking at everything.

"Xander, why did you bring up the little biting things?" Paula asked when one bit her.

"They followed me home in my hair," Dean admitted.  "I couldn't get them off so Xander made them a pretty spot to be admired."  Sam got them off her fingers and closed the case again in case they decided to follow someone else.   The other authors stared at them and one opened the case to poke it, getting bitten.

"The water in there is holy water," Sam offered.  "Just dribble some on and it'll let go."  He did that and it did let go, making him grin and make a note.  Xander had paper and pens all over the house.

"I see Arnold is already helping you," Rick teased.

"Yes he was and he was very happy."  Paula and Beckett both gave him a funny look.  "The stuffed plot bunny I gave Rick."

"I thought about getting you a real one for the garden," Beth quipped.  "But I wasn't sure if the kittens would like it."

"I'm not sure either," Xander admitted.  "How is Miss Puppy?"

"She's just fine," Beth said with a grin.  "Napping on Tara's shoes again."  Tara nodded.  "So, show us around the party area, Xander.  Is Faith coming?"

"I invited, she said maybe."  He took them up the outer stairs to the rooftop area, making Beth stare around in awe.

"Wow," Tara said.  Xander grinned.  "This is kinda nice."

"It's very nice," Stephen said happily.  "You can have a killer, small coming out party here, Xander."

"I'm not really comfortable with big groups anyway," he admitted.  "Small is nice."  He grinned.  "I figured if we had to, we can put a DJ there by the elevator.  It's got a good draw plug and is next to the outdoor kitchen area."

Paula nodded.  "It's very nicely laid out, Xander.  Do we have a cover for the pool?"

"It has a clear, plastic/glass cover for parties.  It won't keep people standing on it out of the water, but it'll help if they step toward the edge."

"If they fall in, it's party entertainment," Rick said dryly, putting an arm around Xander's shoulders.

"What happens if we get huge rains and the pool overflows?" Beth asked.

"It's linked in with the gutters.  All the drains up here are and they go into the rainwater system."  He pointed at the covered drains on the patio area.

Rick grinned at him.  "So, have you seen the trades today?"

Xander gave him a scared look.  "Yes, and I saw that film they forwarded; I nearly shouted myself hoarse ranting that they're stupid bitches."  Paula spluttered.  "Apparently he didn't read DCIS at all since there's a hunter taking out a peaceful demon by exorcism."  He sipped his water.  "So I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen."

"There's three possible scripts, Xander," Paula said.

Xander stared at her.  "Are the other two better?  Or even closer to the source?"

She looked hesitant.  "One is.  Kind of.  If you squint."

"Then hell no!"

"Have Rick help you turn books one and two into a screenplay?" she suggested hopefully.

"What?" Esposito asked.  "We're missing something."

"Someone's had the idea to turn DCIS into a movie," Xander said, raising his water.  "To drive me fucking nuts."

They all nodded and saluted back.  "Cheers and congrats."

The End.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: The Start Of A New Day

Chapter 2: Mid-Morning Happy News

Chapter 3: Changing Of The Advisors

Chapter 4: Great New Days

Chapter 5: Traveling Complications

Chapter 6: Tripping Minds

Chapter 7: Bad Omens

Chapter 8: Questionable Friends

Chapter 9: Will Issues

Chapter 10: A Small Addition

Chapter 11: Summertime Foolishness

Chapter 12: Wrecking The Plans

Chapter 13: Damned If You Do

Chapter 14: Damned If You Don't

Chapter 15: Convention in Miami

Chapter 16: The Complications Of Women In Your Life

Chapter 17: Housing Roulette

Chapter 18: Location, Location, Location