Notes:  Started out as a dream that wouldn't go away.  Ended up writing it anyway.  Still only seen to the end of season 2.  Spoilers for the deal made to save Sam.  This is just another way to fix that issue.

Dean tapped the steering wheel with the music he had playing, glancing at his brother.  His brother was giving him an odd look.  "What?"

"Where are we going?  We haven't found a job out this way.  Did we find out someone needed us?"

"No, we're going to see a contact I have out here.  She's a nice lady.  Fair warning, don't take the candy from her, the cats aren't really mean, and if you want something cleaned don't nag.  You'll end up doing it yourself."

"Okay.  What sort of contact is she?"

"Research.  She's a fairly powerful witch with a mind for research."  He smirked a bit.  "Dad introduced us."

"When?"

"When I was sixteen."

"Where was I?"

"Being babysat that week," he admitted.  He turned onto a darker road.  "I really do want to have lights out here sometimes.  It can't be safe."

"It doesn't look like anyone lives out this way."

"There's a small trailer park on the other side of the playground," he told him.  He turned a corner and Sam saw the trailers, and smiled at the one they were heading to since it had lights on.  Dean parked and got out, leaning on the roof for a second.  "Do not upset her, Sammy.  I'm not sure if she'd make you a kitten or not.  She used to think you were adorable."

The trailer door opened, letting the heavyset woman stare at them.  "Put a tarp over her, Dean.  The neighbor's nosy enough to check plates."  He nodded, getting one of out of the trunk to cover the car.  She looked at the other one, smiling a bit.  "You're still cute.  I knew I should've talked your daddy into letting me have you instead."

"Thanks, I think," he said.  He stared at her.  "Do I know you?"

"You probably saw a book cover," Dean said, walking Sam that way.  He slid past her to get inside, bending down to pet the head bitch of the cat herd.  "Hey, Princess."

"She's getting on in years and even more deaf," she said, smiling at Sam.  "He never told you?"

"No.  Not until a few minutes ago.  Did we meet?"

"No, your Daddy lost Dean in a poker game."

"I think it was the other way around," Dean said dryly, giving her a look.  "You lost and Dad made me marry you."

"Could be a valid viewpoint."  She sat down again, getting comfortable in the corner of her couch in front of the computer.  "What's up?"  She looked at her boy.  "By the way, I heard.  You're in *deep* shit this time, Dean Andrew Winchester."

Sam snickered.  "I doubt he's heard his full name since our Mom died."  He sat down, letting the cat staring at him sniff his fingers.  "I don't mind kitties."  He petted it gently, watching it scamper off to play with something.

She looked.  "I said no playing with the imp, Bitch."  The cat ran when she squirted it.  "Sorry, trapped imp and she thinks it's a mouse."  She smiled at Dean.  "Coming to apologize?"

"Maybe."  He flopped down, staring at her.  "I want you to watch out for Sammy when I'm gone."

She shook her head.  "You're my legal spouse, Dean.  He's an in-law even if he is adorable."

Sam gave her a look.  "He really made you marry Dean when he was sixteen?"

She smirked at him.  "I was only twenty-one.  Your father knew I was a witch and a powerful one at that.  He figured I'd be able to help Dean later on in life and it'd mean that Dean wouldn't be screwing around too often on the road or bearing babies."

"Which I haven't.  There's no baby Dean's," he assured her.  "You're the one who told me to go screw around.  I think you nearly gave Dad an ulcer when you took me to the orgy."

"Probably."  Sam was gaping at them.  "Had to have him broken in somehow."

Dean looked at him.  "You got pushed at the cheerleader for a reason, Sam.  He was probably trying to find you an anchor who'd take part of your soul to hold it for future use too."

"She did what?" Sam asked.

"His daddy did it so I could hold a small piece of his soul.  That way he could retire and ease some of the burden on him by giving him back a piece of his innocence."   She looked at him.  "Not that it'll matter now."

"No, but it can help Sam some year probably."

"I won't be here then."

"You never told me you were getting sick again," he said, staring at her.

"I'm not.  I already know when I'm going, Dean."  She stood up.  "Let me grab a bag.  You boys get some food while I shower and change."  They nodded.

Sam went into the kitchen, looking at the dishes. He grimaced.  "Um...."

"She's been busy writing, she hates to do dishes," Dean explained.  "Clean them if you want to use one.  I usually do.  Nagging means it won't be done until every piece in this kitchen is dirty.  The last time I gave up after a week and had to scrub the kitchen."

"Sure."  He started some dish water, watching it back up.  "Your drain's clogged," he called.

"Yeah, I haven't removed the cat fur from it for a while.  Sorry.  Use the antibacterial stuff in the bottle to clean the dishes so you don't freak out if something went fuzzy."

He shook his head, fixing the sink for her then moving on to do the dishes.  He hated dirty kitchens.  The rest was spotless.  She had simply kept piling the dishes until the sinks were full.  Then again, a few of the bottom pieces were looking a bit moldy....  He grimaced and rinsed it well before getting in to scrub it.  That was nasty.  Once he was done he looked in the fridge, then at Dean.  "She's where you got the M&M fetish from."

Dean nodded.  "She sends me some every few months too."  He grinned.  "She's not supposed to have them so she buys them for herself, nibbles a few times, then sends them to me."

"Are you two....  Or ever?"

Dean shook his head.  "She'd lose a lot of her powers," he said quietly.  "That's why she gave me permission to go out and lay any chick I wanted as long as it was good and I had fun."

"Oh."  He considered that.  "Dad was going to..."

Dean nodded to interrupt him.  "That's why I took you to that party at the cheerleader's house.  So one of them could pounce you and he couldn't do it to you too.  Not that it's not great and I grew back what she took, but Dad had the idea that it'd help us later if we had some innocence left.  You being laid by the triplets of terror and funky hair got you past that.  She literally lost the card game and that's the price Dad named."

Sam shook his head quickly.  "I never would've thought Dad could do something like that."

"He was trying to help and protect us the best he knew how.  He said it came from something Bobby told him."

"Wow."  He looked in the fridge again then at him.  "There's turkey."  He came over to make himself a sandwich, letting Sam do the same.  They waited while she dressed and packed a small bag.  "Where are we heading?"

"She doesn't drive anymore," Dean told him.  "If she needs to go somewhere it's probably why I felt I should come see her now."  He ate another bite, watching her come out to grab a few things and slit open a large bag of cat food.  Then she printed something massive off the computer, putting it into an envelope.  "The newest book?"

"Yup.  Just finished it yesterday," she said proudly.  He grinned back.  "I know you guys laughed at them."

"I have.  Sam doesn't realize that you're you yet."  He gave him a nudge then pointed at her.  "She' the one who writes that hilarious witches and hunters series that had you giggling when you were a senior."  Sam gaped.  She grinned and wiggled her fingers at him.  "Exactly.  My woman's a talented bitch.  With way too many cats.  Which one's that one?" he asked with a point.

She looked.  "That's not a cat.  It's a demon who came to spy on me."  She sprinkled something from a pot on it so it puffed up and left.  "There we go.  Let me do the water thing."  She got around them, kissing Sam on the cheek.  "Thank you for handling the dishes for me, Sammy."

"He hates that name," Dean told her.  "Yells at me for it."

"Every boy should have a cutesy name for girls, Dean.  It makes them remember when they were younger and playing around."  She put down a large bowl of water then walked out to grab four books.  One she handed to Sam.  "Hold that for me?" she said, staring at him for a minute.  He nodded.  "Good.  Let's head to that guy you told me about, Dean."

"Which one?" he asked, making a few more sandwiches.

"Grab the bag from the bottom shelf and fill it," she ordered.  "The one that you said was a book nerd too.  I'll need to leave this to someone sometime soon."  He stopped packing to stare at her.  She stared back.  "I do know these things.  The same as I knew when you made the stupidest fucking decision in your life.  If you had called, I could've done a resurrection *so* much easier and you wouldn't be about to die too."

"Did that link us?" he said.

"Kind of," she said blandly, putting in some sodas for herself.  "Come on."  She walked Sam outside, letting Dean carry out the food.   She looked at Sam then smiled gently.  "He'll be fine, Sam.  There's plans in place to help what you need to do," she said quietly since Dean was back inside.  "All you have to do is play along and he'll be safe."  He relaxed, nodding at that, smiling a bit back.  "Yes, I'm his bitch.  I do love the little grease monkey bastard.  Have for a few years now.  When I'm gone, you'll have a few days, a very hard thing to do that you can't tell him about beforehand, then it'll be fixed and he'll be yours and whole again.  Especially with that piece of his soul I have frozen in its innocence."

He nodded.  "Thank you.  I wasn't sure he wasn't coming to say goodbye."

"He is.  So am I."  She smiled.  "Just not how he thinks."  She got into the back of the car, taking the groceries with her.  "Put the last two inside, Dean.  They're under the stairs."

"Get your furry tails inside," he ordered.  One ran up the stairs.  "Huh, the other not your familiar?"

"No, she's inside on the couch.  Shoo, Sheeba."  Dean picked her up and tossed her inside, locking the door before closing it and heading back to get in and drive.  Sam got into his spot, looking at the book.  She leaned forward.  "Now, none of that wild driving that might make you hot, Dean.  Don't wanna have to watch you pick up chicks," she teased.  "Might make me wonder."

He smirked back.  "Blow it out your ass," he said fondly, backing up and heading off into the night.  "Which book nerd are we hitting?"

"Bobby," Sam said.  She nodded he was right.  He smiled, opening the book.  A few pages in he blinked and looked back at her.  "You're a damn powerful witch if you can do this."

"I am," she agreed.

"I thought only pure....  Oh, you never?"

"Nope, never," Dean agreed.  "She would've lost most of her powers and she's one of the guardians of the world."

"Another's been born and called," she promised.  "It'll be fine.  I'll go haunt the new one to help her."

"Anyone we should meet?" Dean asked.  "That way you can warn her before she gets into trouble?"

"She's a lesbian, won't matter."

"Huh.  She cute?" Dean teased.

"Very and you may get to meet her some year."  She kicked his seat.  "Behave.  Remember the potholes."  He nodded, swerving around one particularly deep one.  "So we're going where?"

"South Dakota," Dean told her.

"A few states isn't much," she decided, settling in to nap or something.  In truth she was praying for her last, greatest work to work correctly but neither of them needed to know that.  One would know soon enough and one would never know the full extent of what she was helping Sam do to save his big brother.  It was for the best.  Dean would protest if he knew.  Then she'd have to come back to spank him.

***

Dean pulled into the salvage yard, getting out and opening the door for her.  She smiled, pinching him on the cheek.  "Gee, thanks."  She walked toward the house, letting the boys follow them.  "Bobby!" he yelled.

Bobby came out, staring at the woman.  "Ma'am."

She giggled.  "I've never been that nice."  She stared at him then smirked.  "I don't expect it in others."

"Are you a hunter?"

"Witch," Sam said.

"Powerful witch," Dean corrected.

Bobby stared at her.  "At your age, ma'am?"

"John solved me having to get laid by making Dean marry me when he was sixteen."  Bobby gaped.  "Since I know my time's coming soon I've got to put my books somewhere.  They said you'd respect them."

"I respect a lot of knowledge."  He let them inside, staring at Sam, who was still holding the book.  "You good?"

"I'm fine."  He smiled, taking the keys from Dean's pocket.  "I should get the food out of the car."

"Go ahead, sugar," she agreed.  She stared around the room then nodded, smiling at him.  "Annabelle McGoverns-Winchester," she said, holding out a hand.  He gaped.  She giggled.  "Exactly."

"But...."

"She lost to Dad in a poker game.  Dad made me marry her when I was sixteen," Dean told him.  He sat down, watching them.  "She's an author too, Bobby."

"You write those DSW books?"

"No, that's a very nice man who's in San Francisco at the moment.  I write the other set," she said with a point at one of hers on the shelf.  "That's mine."  He smiled at that.  "Now, I have about a trailer full of books that'll have to go somewhere in a few months.  My cats the coven can take care of."  Sam nodded at that when he came back in.  She had told him that late last night.  She looked at Bobby again.  "Will you respect my books and help the new guardian if she should come to you?"

"I will.  Do we know who got tapped?"

"Little southern girl named Tara.  She's a beautiful young lady with a soul of gold, but a nasty ass family I'd like to club a few times.  Including her new girlfriend."  Bobby nodded at that, smiling a bit.  "You'll be meeting her sooner than you think but it won't be because of a huge problem.  She'll need a good uncle to get her straightened out since some of the ones around her are a bit skewed.  They've been hunting so long they're scarred, even at their ages," she said more quietly.

"It happens to the best of us," he agreed.  She smiled and sat down.  "Want some tea?  Water, anything?"

She smiled.  "No, I came to see who'd get my books, dear.  Then I'm taking Dean to a  motel tonight.  I should get to enjoy myself before both of us go."

"You're linked to him?" he asked, looking worried.

"Not exactly.  Sam'll tell you later on."  She looked at Dean.  "Would you do me that honor?"

"Should be mine to do," he agreed calmly.  She smiled at that.  He looked at Bobby.  "Can you Sammy-sit?"

"Sure," he agreed, watching him leave.   She was making him leave the Impala for some reason.  He looked at Sam.  "What the hell?" he asked once he was sure Dean couldn't hear.

"She knows how to save him," he said quietly, patting the book.  "She called the plan, Bobby."  Bobby slumped.  "She's going to end her powers to save him.  Then I've got to do something to finish saving him.  Speaking of, I've got to go back to her house.  I'll call tonight."  He took the book with him, finding the other three still in the backseat.  He looked at them, smiling at the note on the top.  He walked them inside.  "She said these were just the beginning and had to go to Tara."  He walked back out, heading off to drive back to her trailer.

Bobby sat down to look over the three books.  They had some powerful spells in there.  Ones only a pure witch could or should touch.  He put them carefully in a protected spot, wondering why they had come back to him this time.  And what was with the book petting?  Sam wasn't a wizard by any means.  Or a witch.

***

She smiled at the motel room, heading in to take a shower and get ready for her special night.  After her shower she carefully drew the marks on her body with the skin-colored paint, putting up a small shield over the door when the demon was summoned.  "Morning."

"What did you want, guardian?"

She stared at herself then at him.  "To save the one who's mine."

"There's only one reason I'm ever called upon.  Name the price you're going to pay."

She waved a hand at herself.  "All of it, baby.  To save Dean Winchester.  He'll be given a new vessel and body."

He considered it.  Then he nodded.  "That would be amusing to watch.  The lower ones would be screaming about that loss for decades.  The highers would get to punish them for breaking the vow to end that family.  Why now?"

"His deal ends in a month.  They'll need that time."

He nodded.  "Very well then.  Someone will do the spell?"  She nodded.  "Someone competent will do the spell?" he asked again.

"His brother loves him enough to be on this end if he knew."

Dean knocked on the door.  "What're you doing?"

"Witch things."  She looked at the demon again, strengthening her shield so he couldn't come in.  "Do we have a deal?  I'll be the sacrifice to have the spell done."

He nodded.  "That would be amusement for ages to come.  He'll be put into a new vessel and body.   He'll be carried and reborn.  Any other boons?"

"Have him be *Dean* that's reborn.  Sam would hurt himself otherwise."

He nodded.  "That's reasonable but it would take some of the soul that's not marked by the crossroads demon."

"Which is in storage," she agreed.  "His brother's going to put my cats with my coven; he can find where I've hidden it."

He nodded.  "Then I can do that.  Good luck and have a happy night, Guardian."  He faded.

She checked herself over, making sure nothing was undone or able to be seen before she walked out.  She kissed him, running her fingers through his hair.  "Product, Dean?"

"It takes a little bit to look this good," he teased.  "What witch things?"

She smirked.  "If I'm going to lose my powers, I've got to make sure they transfer over correctly, my boy."  She led him to the bed.  "I know I'm not your usual young, hot thing with a tight ass.  Sorry."

"No, it's good," he assured her, stripping down.  She was heavier than he liked but she was also his wife.  It was about time they consummated things.  After all, he only had a month left to live, he probably should do this for her.  He laid down, kissing and gently stroking her, grimacing at some of the paint.  "Markings?"

"Of course."

"Fine.  Smudging?"

"Not an issue."

He smirked.  "Naughty."

"Of course!  Didn't you see the porn I wrote last month when I was bored?"  He laughed, leaning down to lap at a nipple.  She let herself enjoy it and experience his body.  He wasn't thrilled with her body but he was doing what she needed him to.  He finally pierced her, making her wiggle a bit in discomfort but he eased it and it was good.

He was watching her face as he worked himself inside her body, watching her get warmer and hotter.  Finally she came.  He grinned, pulling back to go harder.  She sighed and seemed to fall asleep.  He paused, staring for a minute.  No new breath.  "Oh, no.  You're not doing this to me."  He checked her pulse.  None.  "Bitch!"  He started CPR, listening to her.  "No, not happening.  Not my doing!"

A light appeared next to him, stopping him.  "Don't."  He growled.  "She chose this method to help you, Dean."  He stopped working on her, staring at the ghost.  "She chose it to help you.   She'll have died of a heart attack or an aneurysm or something.  It was natural causes.  Clean yourself up and let someone know."  She ran a hand over his head, making him forget most of it.  Then she faded out.

Dean got up and got dressed, covering her.   He walked out to the office.  "Hey, I think my wife needs a, um, ambulance," he said, trying hard to think of what to say.  "We were... having fun and she kinda came...then went."  The motel clerk gave him an odd look.  He let out a hysterical sounding laugh.  "I don't know!  I tried CPR, dude!"

The clerk pointed at a chair.  "Sit there.  Let me get someone, sir."  He called and went to check on her.  She was in the bed.  He had taken the time to cover her up.  There wasn't any blood or any signs of something wrong going on.  He met the officer that showed up.  "No signs of anything.  He said they were having fun and she went," he said quietly.

The officer looked then nodded.  "It happens sometimes.  Where's the husband?"

"The office.  He's dressed."

"Sometimes shock can do that to you," he said, heading that way.  "Sir?"  Dean hopped up, staring at him.  "What happened?"

"It sounds bad but we were having fun and then she came... and sighed and seemed to pass out.  I tried CPR.  I haven't taken it in a while but I tried."

"I'm sure you did, sir."  The paramedics came in.  "Let me get some facts for them, all right?"  Dean nodded, taking the form he had to fill out.  He handed it back over.  He looked at the religious box, then at him.  "Should we contact someone about strange rituals?"

"I..."  He coughed. "I'll call."  He nodded, leaving him alone.  Dean called the salvage yard.  "Can you come pick me up?  I probably shouldn't drive, Bobby.  No, she just died."  He rubbed his forehead.  "Why can't Sammy?"  He groaned.  "She knew she was sick or something," he said quietly.  "Yeah, that's where I am.  Thanks."  He hung up, watching them load her into the ambulance.  He looked at the clerk.  "I'm going to check out."

"Of course, sir."  He got him checked out, watching as his friend pulled in and stopped to talk to the cop.  The guy handed him something, getting a nod.  Then he came in for Dean, walking him off.  He went to snoop.  "He thought she might've been sick."

"Sometimes people can tell when it's their time," one of the paramedics said.  "It was good she left some instructions for us on his chair."  He closed the ambulance door and got in to drive.  He hated these runs but at least she wasn't a bad one.  Dying during sex was a lot better than homicide any day.

The cop finished his report and headed back to file it with his boss.

***

Bobby got Dean settled on the couch with a mug of coffee.  "She knew."

"She said she'd be going soon.  I didn't expect it today."  He took a drink and put it aside.  "She said she was doing witchly things to make sure her powers passed on."

"For some their powers are linked to their souls, Dean."  He sat across from him.

"Why did she send Sammy back to her place?"

"To get the things that no one else should touch probably."

"She did have a trapped imp that one of her cats thought was a toy," he admitted.  He took another drink, calling his brother.  "It's me."  He listened to him say something.  "You knew?"  He nodded, leaning his head back.  "Can you handle the packing stuff or come back to pick me up so I can?"  He smiled.  "Sure.  Her coven?  The number's on the fridge the last time I knew.  Thanks, Sammy.  Yeah, I'll stay here."  He hung up.  "He'll be back in a week with her books.  Once the coven's got her nineteen cats."

"Nineteen?  That's a lot in a trailer."

"Yeah but she loved the little furry mess makers."  He finished his coffee.  "Can I nap?"

"Go ahead.  You know where the spare room is."  Dean nodded his thanks, heading that way.  Something was seriously going on now.  He walked outside to deal with a customer, calling Sam before he came back inside.  "What is going on, Samuel?"  He listened to him.  "It can't...."  He sighed at the 'she was making sure it'd happen and Dean can't know, she said so' answer.  "You sure?"  He nodded.  "Then why come to me?" He smiled at the 'books were important to her, like her cats'.  "Sure, I get that.  We'll be here.  Thanks, Sam."  He hung up, going to tinker around for a bit and think.  Those two would need an anchor and he needed to look up what that rite consisted of.  If it was powerful enough to break the hold the demon had on Dean's soul it had to come with consequences.  He found it in his collection, only a mention of it, and sat down to read it over.  It was odd.  Putting Dean into a vessel to have him regrow a piece of soul that wasn't tainted?  He decided he'd get the full explanation from Sam and the book he had been petting.  It was probably in there.

***

Sam walked into the trailer, looking at the cats.  "Hey, guys.  I'm sorry you lost the mommy.  We'll get someone nice to come get you new homes."  He found the fridge and the number on it, starting to dial when someone else walked in.  "You're....  Exactly how I pictured Nanny Gramley to be," he said dryly.

She smirked.  "Took us a while to get used to her talking about us that way."  She looked him over.  "You're not the one she married."

"No, he's with a friend who's getting her books, ma'am.  I'm his younger brother Sam."

"That's fine then.  You're family."

He nodded.  "You wouldn't know where she put it, would you?"

"It's frozen," she said with a nod.  "Should be lighting up the freezer."

He looked, pulling out the small sealed jar.  "I need to protect this while I pack the books for her."

She got him something from a closet.  "It's furry so it'll pad it and you can sling it over one shoulder and around a hip so you don't bump into it all that often," she said kindly.  He nodded, doing that.  A young girl walked in with cages.  "This is Melinda.  She won't show up until the eighth book if you haven't read that far."

"Hi, I'm Sam."

"Like Dean's younger brother?"  He grinned and nodded.  "Wow.  She talked about you a lot.  Said you were cuter and she should've gotten you instead of the arrogant one who made girls swoon."  Sam laughed, shaking his head.  "I've got the cages, Grandma."

"Good.  How many are there again?"

"I walked around the outside before coming in.  There's a mother having kittens underneath the back, right corner. There's at least ten in here that I've seen."

"I'll get more cages," Melinda said.  "I've got boxes for you too, Sam."

"Thanks."  He went to help her carry them inside.  The books were easy enough to put into them once they were together.  They were both staring at two cats on the back of the couch.  "Her familiars?"

"Yup," Melinda said, smiling at one.  "Come on, Princess.  You too, Fussy."  She put them into the same cage then took one to get the mother and kittens, grabbing a towel from the trunk on the way to pad it for her.

Nanny Gramley got the other cats, two to a cage.  Sam pointed.  "Those two were fighting when I came in."

"That'll keep them occupied while we drive home tonight," she promised, putting them together.  She smiled at him.  "We have twelve women in our coven.  If they can't take them in, we'll send them to other covens around the US.  They'll be finding good homes."

"She'd like that."

"She would."  She patted him on the arm.  "It'll be okay, Sam.  She did what she did for a reason.  She loved him just as much as you do, if a bit differently, and knew what she was doing.  Now you have the harder part to play."

"You know?"

"I caught her researching it.  That's how I knew to come get the cats tonight."  He nodded, swallowing before going back to the book packing.  Melinda came back in to carry out more cages to the car, then helped her get the ones hiding under things.  "Did she get that last book finished?"

"She dropped it in a Fed Ex box on the way out of town with us a few days ago," he said quietly.

"Good.  She wasn't sure she could finish it."  She snatched one trying to sneak past her, staring at it.  "Don't do that.  You'll never get a witch of your own if you do that."  She put him into a cage and shut it.  Her granddaughter handed her two last ones, making sure they hadn't missed any since they had an extra cage.  "Outside, Melinda.  A few like to hide."  She nodded, going to find them.  She came back with them and a kitten, putting them all into the last cage.  They took it to the car and then came in to pack her working equipment and altar.  He wrote down a name, getting a nod for the information on the town they'd be getting her remains from.  Melinda gathered up her computer to take with them.  Then they left him to finish the books.

***

Sam pulled in a few days later, nodding at Bobby as he climbed out of the car.  "All the books, research and not.  I don't think she wanted them split up."

"That's fine.  We can empty the little trailer later tonight and send it back."  He patted him on the arm.  "Dean's pissed."

"It was her idea," he said quietly.  "Does he know?"  Bobby shook his head.  "Thanks."  He checked the bottle and the book, carrying it inside.  Dean glared at him.  He held up a hand.  "She called the play, Dean.  She did it to save your worthless ass so get over it."  Dean gaped.  "She's the one who told me what to do.  She planned it all.  It was her way to help you.  So take the gift and grieve.  Or go help Bobby unpack the books."

"Her cats?"

"Nanny Gramley showed up."  Dean smiled a little bit at that.  "She and her granddaughter Melinda packed them and the computer up, plus her altar.  They said if the women in their coven couldn't take them they'd be sending them to covens around the US.  They'd find good homes, like she would've wanted."

"She really...."  Sam nodded.  "What are you wearing?"

"Something I've got to protect until the new protector can get it at the end of the month."

"Her power?"

"Some of it.  Something she imbued.  Go help Bobby with the books?"  He nodded, going to help him shift them into the garage for now.  Sam sat down, checking the bottle.  It was still fine and glowing faintly.  Almost humming with energy.  He smiled, stroking over the top before rereading the ritual.  He had to get it exact when it was time.  Bobby came in and scowled at him so he handed over the book.  He read it, giving him the oddest look.  "Who else could make sure he'd be all right?" he asked quietly.  "He'll be Dean again, just smaller for a bit."

Bobby handed back the book.  "You're going insane when the food cravings start."

"Tell me that in six months."  Bobby walked off shaking his head.  Sam made sure everything was together in the freezer then went to help unpack the books.  "I tried to keep them by sort, Bobby."

"That's fine.  How many books did she have?"

"More than she had pounds," Dean said dryly.  He lo oked at his brother. "Where's the thing?"

"Freezer for a few minutes."   He held up one box.  "This is the manuscripts that're printed and bound but not like a book."  Bobby pointed at the work bench since they might be more fragile than regular books.  Dean dug into that one.  "Nanny Gramley asked about her last book."

"She said she got it done," he reminded him.

"I told her that.  She was happy.  Melinda took her computer."

Dean smiled.  "You should read the rest of the series.  Melinda's the same sort of hellraising witch she was."  He got another box then closed the trailer and took the keys so he could hand it back to the local U-Haul place in town.

Sam looked at Bobby.  "We'll be nearer to home.  It'll be important.  I'll call when it's done."

"Sure.  You do that."  He patted him on the arm.  "What's in the furry bag?"

"What Dad had her store."  He went inside to get them both out of the freezer, checking on it.  Still sealed.  Still faintly humming Megadeath it sounded like.  He smiled, going to sit down and go back over the rite again.  It had to be perfect.  Or else Dean might be his little sister instead.

***

Dean looked over at what Sam was reading at the motel room table, giving him an odd look.  "Please tell me you're not going to name your firstborn after me?" he begged.

He grinned.  "Of course I am."  He went back to reading.  "I've even got a few girls in mind.  Would you rather your future mother be a blonde or a brunette?"

Dean shuddered.  "Eww!"  He walked off, going to play pool at the local bar.  Sam was getting weird!  He didn't want to know.  He knew it was because he was going to die soon but still!  That was a bad thought and one he didn't want to have.  He doubted Sam could even knock up a girl, much less help her by being a *guy* through the pregnancy instead of turning more girl-like to have the problems with her.

Sam went back to reading up on what pregnancy did to a body.  He might not be built for it but he could handle those side effects.  Even if pickles were starting to sound a bit too good already.  It had to be psychological.  It really had to be.

***

Dean looked at the place Sam had been working.  It had a small altar with a fire and a few things around it.  He looked at his little brother.  "What's all this?"

"I'm saving your soul, Dean.  Do you trust me?"

"Usually."  He looked at the altar then at him.  "Why?"

"Because if you die from her she'll have you."  He stepped closer, staring down at the green eyes.  "Annabelle said if I did it this way you'd live.  You'd come back, be the smartass big brother again, all that stuff that I depend on like an anchor in my life."

"No mush," he ordered.  "Or guilt tripping.  I knew what I was doing."

Sam punched him.  "I don't care!  I know what I'm doing too, Dean.  This way she doesn't get her paws on you and you don't go to hell!  Any other questions?"

"No," he said, staring at his brother.  "You done doing  your Redrum impersonation?"

"Yes!"  He stared at him.  "Do you trust me?"

Dean nodded.  "Yeah, I do."

"Then strip and get on the altar."

"You sure you can do this?"

"To save your short ass?  Yeah."  Dean muttered something but handed him his necklace and bracelets, watching as they were carefully put into a wooden box.  "That way they're protected until you can wear them again."  Dean nodded, taking off his shirt, then his boots, looking around before stripping the rest of the way.  "Just us, Dean."

"She'll be here soon."

Sam smiled.  "The fire's for her body when I'm done with it."  He pointed at the altar.  "Need help?"

"No, not really," he said dryly, hopping up onto it.  The fire had warmed the stone enough that it was barely a bit chilly.  He laid down, watching his brother do a few things.  He was mixing something in a small pewter dish.  "Not silver?"

"Nope."  He brought it over,  using his finger to draw them on Dean's stomach, then on his own chest and stomach.  Then he drew a few marks on the knife he picked up.  He looked at him, then at his watch.  "We've got three minutes if you wanted to be sappy."

"No.  I'm not spending my last few minutes on earth feeling like I'm trapped in a bad chick flick," he complained, grabbing onto the stone.  "Were those drugs?"

"Something to keep you calm," he said gently, fixing his hair so it was perfect.  He grinned at his brother when his watch beeped.  "Ready?"  He shook his head.  "Me either, but oh well.  You'll be fine and loved again soon."  He picked up the dagger, said the small chant over it, begging the demon she had went to for his help.  Dean started to open his mouth so he stabbed him once, quickly, ending it as fast as he could.  He couldn't do it any other way and this was going to give him nightmares forever, even though he knew he'd have Dean back in a few years.  He waited, he could feel the magic building, changing, shrinking in a lot of ways.  The demon appeared on the other side of the altar.  "Sorry about the fire."

"It's a good improvisation to make him more comfortable."  He looked at him.  "He's going to the vessel."

"I'm...."

The demon smiled.  "Do you know why we do this, Samuel?"

"Your kind?  Amusement I've heard."

"Indeed.  In  this case she begged very prettily and gave me a lot of amusement.  The trio of you have given me a wonderful way to get one over on the snotty little brats who annoy me."  He smirked.  "The vessel is fine.  He'll still be your brother, but this will make him, as well as you, stronger.  Plus solve a few future problems that would rob me of amusement when the world ended."

"I was supposed to be the vessel," he said quietly.

"I know that.  Still, it let me solve a higher problem that the higher ups thought would be cute.  I didn't think so."  He walked around to stare down at him.  "He is still your brother, in form, soul, and function.  In thought and deed he'll be him.  He'll simply have *two* parents this incarnation."  He smiled.  "It'll make him stronger and possibly a bit happier now and then."

"Where is he?" he asked quietly.

"With the favorite toy of many."  He patted him on the head.  "He's where the energy would be easier for him to be carried.  You would've had to retreat there soon enough or else you both would've died.  By the way, he had a moment of consciousness when he was transferred over.  He was swearing at you for the whole second."  Sam smiled at that.  "Find him, love him, raise him better this time.  The world needs ones like you and his new mother."  He disappeared.

Sam looked at the body, gathering the box and the clothes.  He looked at the body then he burned it.  It was just a shell.  His spirit wasn't in the right vessel but it was in a vessel.  One he had to find as soon as he could.  He ran for the Impala, storing the important things in the trunk.  Then he drove back to Bobby's to talk to him.  He walked in, slamming the door.  "The demon gave him to a vessel that would make us stronger and give him two parents.  Someone that's the favorite plaything of the demons and somewhere powerful.  Got any ideas?"

"A demonic concubine?"

"Has to be male.  The spell only works on males," he said, staring at him.

"Want a beer while we look?" he suggested.

"Please.  He said he's fine.  He had a minute to realize what was going on and spent it swearing at me."

Bobby laughed.  "His body?"

"Burned.  Not salted.  He'll have his old body back again soon."  He grabbed a few books, finding what the demon meant.

"Tell me all the clues you got, Sam."  Sam repeated the whole conversation as he remembered it, getting a nod.  "The powerful area might be the easier one to find.  There's only so many in the world."

"Do we think he's not in the US?" Sam asked.

"I don't know.  It'd be a bit harder to find if he was."  He got his book on powerful areas and sat down to look it over.  "Did you give him any hints?"

"He caught me reading up on what would happen while I was carrying him.  He asked if I was naming my first kid after him.  I said I was and asked if he wanted a blonde or a brunette mother.  He swore and went to play pool."  He smirked.  "He wasn't a happy Dean by any version of the definition."

Bobby laughed. "That's because you've been a bit strange this last month, Sam."

"Well, duh!"  He went back to reading.  "How many are there in the US?"

"Seventeen."

"Any more likely than the others?"

"How're you gonna tell, boy?"

Sam gave him a look.  "I don't care if I have to make each and every demon's concubine or playtoy take an EPT, Bobby.  I'm getting him back."

"Fine," he said, backing down.  Even if that was a funny image.  Sammy going up to each and every demon's whore and handing him the little pink stick.  Scowling with that face Dean used to call his bitchy face until they sighed and took it.  He had another idea and went to look up future problems in the prophecy books she had given him.  "I may have an idea," he said finally.  "Most of the major future prophecies center around this one town.  There's three others for other towns."  He let him see them. "If making someone carry Dean for you would solve that major of an issue they have to be there or nearby."

Sam wrote down the town names and the prophecies, giving him a pat on the arm.  "Thanks, Bobby.  Love you, man.  I'll call when I find them."  He ran out, heading to get some gas and head off.

"I thought John was the stubborn one," he sighed.  "Sam's clearly got him beat now.  If not for the family insanity award too."  He cleaned up the few books, putting them away.  Sam would handle things and let him know when he could help.  After all, not like a guy could walk into any OB and expect them to help him deliver Dean's new body.

***

Xander Harris, who was a bit tired from the last night's patrol and the nightmares it had caused, looked at his boss the next morning.  The Sunnydale Construction Company's boss was a good one, a nice man most of the time.  Though he did like to pick on Xander since he knew what he did at night.  "Morning, boss," he said with a small yawn.

"What's wrong?  The girl fuss at you all night or something bigger?"

"Smaller and it caused nightmares."  He shrugged.  "It happens."  He walked off.

His boss stared at his back.  "Xander."  He looked back at him.  "My office, kid."  He sighed but walked that way.  He walked in behind him, closing the door and windows.  "Did you perhaps do something with magic last night?"

"No," he said carefully.  "Why?  And how would you know?"

"I can feel it floating around you."  He stared at him.  "You need to see what sort.  It's not dangerous but it is demonic."

Xander blinked.  "Like protection, like marking for a later meal, or maybe helpful?"

"Protection I can feel."  He sat him down and got something out of his desk, pressing it against Xander's forehead.  He looked at it then got another strip to confirm it.  He nodded and got something else out of his first aid kit, handing it to him.  "Go use that."

Xander looked at the little box he used to pick on the guys having moody days then at him.  "Boss?  I'm still a guy."

"The spell comes up protection and fertility."

"Excuse me?  Fertility?"

"Yeah.  Use that now.  We need to know if you are.  That way I make sure you don't get hurt by falling off a roof or something."  Xander stomped off to the port-a-potty and came back ten minutes later, slapping it down on the desk.  He looked at it then at him.  "Congratulations."

Xander looked.  "No way in hell!" he shouted.

"Go find your witchly friends, Harris.  Get them to look into it.  I'll even pay you for today."  Xander stomped off, not even driving.  That was a very bad sign.  He tossed out the stick test and went to make notes on the daily log in sheet.  His crew lead looked at him.  "Someone decided to make him super fertile without his consent," he said.  His guy shuddered.  "Exactly.  He went to beat someone to death."

Xander pounded on Buffy's door before walking in and slamming the door hard enough to crack the jamb.  "BUFFY!"  She came running down the stairs.  "I need to kill a few witches.  I'm not sure if they're our witches or not, or even if it's Anya, but I need to kill some witches.  Wanna help?"

"Why?" she asked cautiously, backing up a few steps.  She'd never seen Xander this pissed before.  He was huffing and panting, his eyes were dilated.  She almost expected them to start glowing when the hyena came back out.  "Are you all right?"

"Hell no I'm not all right!  I walked onto my construction site this morning and my boss handed me a fucking pregnancy test!  One that came up POSITIVE!" he finished in a scream.  He panted a few times, trying to calm down.  "I need to kill a witch.  He found magic."  She nodded quickly at that.  "So I need to kill some witches.  Are you helping me or not!"

"Sure, we'll find the witch who did this and kill it," she agreed.  "Do we know anything else?  Like how far along you are?"

He glared at her.  "How in the hell should I know?"

"Good point," she said weakly.  "Do we know anything else?"

"He said demonic fertility magic," he said grimly.

"Okay, well, first of all, let's calm down," she said, leading him to a couch and making him sit.  "This is Sunnydale.  We've had stranger things than you suddenly coming up pregnant."  He got up to pace.  "Sit, Xander.  It can't be good for the little one."  He glared at her.  "Don't give me that look, Mister; I will put you in a dress when you're too fat to get out of it!"  He started to laugh then a few tears dripped so she cuddled him on the couch again, getting him calmed back down.  Her mother came down the stairs more cautiously.  "Mom, can you please call Giles and tell him we need him now at the Magic Box.  It'll take us a few to get there but tell him he's looking for spells on Xander.  Him and only him so far."  She nodded, going to do that.  She got Xander straightened out and looked at him.  "At least this way I can be a good auntie before I die."

He nodded.  "You can be.  Thank you for not freaking out and staking me."

She snorted.  "Like a pregnant guy is a big thing in Sunnydale?  Hello, hellmouth here, Xander.  I'm surprised we haven't seen one already!"  She got up.  "Let me change.  Did you drive?"  He shook his head.  "That's probably a better idea.  Before you run over the wrong witch."  She ran up to change then came back down to walk him over there.  She walked in first.  "Good, you didn't get Willow here.  Xander's boss gave him a pregnancy test this morning and it came up positive after he found some demonic fertility magic on him.  He's pissed enough he broke Mom's door."

"I'll fix it later," he muttered.  He looked at Giles.  "He did a strip test thingy on my forehead twice then handed me the EPT."

"I see."  He brought him back to where they cast major spells, setting him down and getting to work around him while Buffy watched the shop and kept people from bothering them.  The spell finally showed what was going on, making him blink.  "Hmm."

"Is that a good hmm or a bad hmm?" Xander asked, looking up at him.

"It's definitely an interesting spell.  It's a rebirth."  He went to find a book, coming back with it to show him.  "This is the spell I found on you."

Xander took it to read, then blinked at him.  "So someone wanted their loved one reborn and I got hit?"

"I have a feeling the energy here drew the spell, Xander.  It can only work on a man and you're attuned very well to the magic around here.  What with being in the library all those years plus patrolling, all that stuff."

"Stuff?"

"Well, I couldn't find a good word to cover Willow's occasional accident," he said dryly, giving him a look.  The boy cracked a smile.  "As such the pregnancy is protected.  It may even be for a very good reason.  We'd have to find the demon to ask.  Only one demon ever deals with this spell."

Xander stood up.  "Then what do I do, Giles?  I'm not ready to be a dad!  I never wanted kids," he complained.  "I'll end up being dirtbags like mine were."

"You will not," he said firmly.  "Unlike yours, you know what love and respect are."  Xander slumped, nodding at that.  "You will be an excellent father, Xander.  The other parent is probably frantic since it was suppose to go into their body."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "We'll call the demon, see if we can get any information.  Until then we've got to make sure you see a specialist."

"There's a specialist in guys being pregnant?"

"Well, no, not for humans but there are demons with male bearing capabilities and there is one breed of demon that are healers, so I'm assuming they'd know how to handle it," he said, giving him a look.  "I know there's a few in town.  I can send Buffy to get one.  Or Anya if you wanted?"

"I'm not sure I want to be in the same century as Anya when she figures it out, Giles."

"I'll send Buffy to tell her then as well," he promised, walking him out there.  "Buffy, be a dear and get one of the Frakeleth demons please?"

"What's a Frankenleather demon?" she asked.

"The ones with the glowing hands that heal others, Buffy.  At the demon clinic if you would?  They'll be able to help him with this."

"Can't I be an auntie?" she asked with a pout.

"It's protected.  Even should he want that he can't terminate it, Buffy.  They're healers, they'll make sure he stays healthy and unhurt though the pregnancy and can help with the birth."

"Drugs and a knife?" Xander asked hopefully.

"They'll know."

Xander looked at him.  "Is Ethan getting high off me again?"

"Quite possibly."  Xander nodded, going to sulk in the basement with a candy bar for now.  He looked at Buffy.  "Could you also break the news to Anya so she doesn't try to hurt him?"

"I can do that on the way," she agreed, heading out to do that.  She was so happy!  She'd be a great auntie.  She might even change diapers!  Well, now and then and none of the gross ones but she'd change a wet diaper now and then she guessed.  She found Anya at home, smiling when she was let inside.  "We gotta talk, Anya."

"Did something happen?  Was there an accident?  I have Xander's insurance forms sitting around here somewhere."

"Accident, yes.  To Xander yes, insurance needed, no."  She sat her down, staring at her.  "Sometime recently there was a huge demonic fertility thingy that went wrong and snapped here instead of somewhere else.  I was listening while Giles and Xander talked."  Anya frowned, shaking her head.  She nodded, sitting beside her.  "It did.  Xander's boss found the magic around him and had him take a test.  Your honey's pregnant."

"But... no.  That's wrong.  Only one demon can do that and it's only in very special cases."

"Giles said it was protected.  That they'd try to talk to the demon to see if we could find the other parent."

"No.  I can't be a mother.  Babies are more expensive than shoe and bra shopping combined.  They take things and make you pay attention to them even when you want to have orgasms or do other things.  I can't be a mother, Buffy.  I can't pay that much attention to Xander, much less a baby!  They're innocent so they'd never understand me and I'd never be able to afford them or their stuff."

"Weren't you and Xander talking about having kids some day?"

"Yes but that was more of the adopting a starving crack ho's child so I didn't have to get stretch marks and be grossly fat for six months sort of talks.  That way they're not so innocent and even if I do ignore them now and then they'll have low expectations.  Xander didn't want to have kids at all but he said that might be okay far in the future when we had a good savings and stuff so we could buy the crack ho off plus afford all the stuff they needed.  I don't want stretch marks."

"We can both be aunts," Buffy said with a small smile.  It was a very Anya explanation. "That way he has to pay the most attention but we can babysit when we don't have anything else to do and buy the cute, less expensive stuff."

"That might be nice.  How is Xander?"

"He's hiding in the basement of the shop.  He didn't want to be nearby when you threw a fit, just in case.  Then again I found out because he came over and broke part of Mom's door."

"I'd imagine so.  Suddenly being pregnant must come as a shock to one.  Especially a guy since they don't have babies.  Or so I'm told humans don't?"  Buffy shook her head.  "Okay.  How far along is he?  I know there's a nice time in the second trimester that's all about the orgasms and love.  I'd like to be there for that but I'll have to let him go, huh?"  Buffy shook her head.  "There's got to be a second parent with that spell.  It should've went into their body instead."

"They're trying to find it now, let them know it warped," she said.  "Can you help me get the Frankenleather demon for Giles?  He said they're healers and could help with the nastiness of birth and be the doctor through the pregnancy."

"Sure, I know what they are," she agreed happily.  "Come on."  She led her out to the demon clinic.  She knew Buffy had a problem with demon names but that was close enough for her to have a clue with the description.  "Giles needs to see a senior Frakeleth demon," she told the receptionist.  "My boyfriend's pregnant."

The receptionist demon just nodded.  "We knew he wasn't fully human.  There's no way with his diet."

"No, he is.  Giles found demonic fertility magic around him," Buffy told her.  The receptionist gave her an odd look then went to find them a healer.  She smiled at the young looking, purple skinned girl.  "Hi."

Anya looked at her, saying something in a common demon language, getting a slow nod.  She said something else and the demon rushed out.  "We should follow.  She's worried about him and his diet too probably.  He does live on bad food."

"He always has," Buffy told her, walking her back to the shop.  "Basement," she called when she saw her about to go in.  The demon rushed in and down to the basement.  She beamed at Giles when they walked in.  "Anya's been very calm about this."

"That's good.  You did tell her what was going on?"

"Babies are more expensive than shoe and bra shopping together," Anya said.  "I'll be a good auntie and someday when I'm ready to pay attention to something other than my orgasms and money I'll pay a crack ho for her child so it's not so innocent and will have low expectations when my attention slips for a few hours."

He patted her on the arm.  "That's not a bad idea.  When you're ready we'll talk more to make better, concrete plans, Anya," he said, clearly humoring her.

"She's right.  Baby stuff is *really* expensive, Giles," Buffy said.  "That's why aunties are better.  We get to buy the cute stuff and change less stinky, gross diapers and things.  Plus we don't have to put up with crying all night or drool or stuff."

"Very true," he said with a smile.  "You're both being supportive of Xander?"

"Of course but I can't be with someone who's carrying the baby of another person.  It's like magical rape and I'm not as good as a talk show host when Xander would need to talk about that stuff and his emotions.  So I'll help with the fun part of the second trimester when it's all about the orgasms and comfort and stuff."  She beamed.  "Of course I'll get to threaten the baby's daddy when he shows up.  Should we call that demon to see if he'll tell us?"

"Could you?" he agreed.  She nodded, going into the work area to do that.  "Buffy, would you like to tell the other girls?"

"Sure.  Tara's going to make a great auntie too."  He handed over a book.  "I need this?"

"Willow will probably want to know how.  She's very focused on the details now and then," he reminded her.

"That's why I get her to write my english papers," she said cheerfully, heading up to the college to talk to her friends.  She found them together, sitting across from them.  "We're going to be aunties."

"Anya's pregnant?" Willow asked, looking a bit disgusted.

"No, Xander is."  Willow opened her mouth to scream but Tara covered it on her.  Buffy handed her the book.  "Giles said you'd want to know how.  He had us get a Frankenleather demon to help Xander since it's protected and we'll make great aunties."  She beamed at Tara.  "Anya's already agreed she's not going to go after him.  She's not as good with emotions as a talk show host and babies are more expensive than bra and shoe shopping.  She said she'd adopt a crack ho baby when she was ready."

Tara blinked.  "Hopefully not for a few years," she said quietly.  She took the book to look at the information they had.  "It must have been someone important."

"It's still wrong!" Willow told her, huffing a bit.

Buffy looked at her.  "Yay.  It's still Xander.  Besides, we've seen stranger things around here than Xander being knocked up.  He'll look so cute waddling around," she said happily.  "We'll get to pat the belly and throw a baby shower, plus nag him into a better diet while trying to keep him away from chocolate and stuff."

"Buffy, did you get another head injury?" Willow asked.  "This is *Xander* we're talking about!   He messes up simple stuff!"

Tara scowled at her.  "He does not."

"Actually, Giles thinks that the reason it's in him instead of where it should be is because the power here drew it this way and then Xander's known ability to warp magic kicked in while he was napping.  His boss caught it and made him take an EPT.  He came to break Mom's door."

Willow moaned, holding her head.  "We've got to help him."

Tara pointed at a line in the book.  "We'll be wonderful aunts, Willow.  The baby will be loved no matter who the other parent is."

Willow read it and moaned.  Nothing she could do or the demon would kill her for trying to destroy its work.  "Fine.  We'll be good aunts.  I need processing and chocolate fudge time but we'll be good aunts.  Excuse me.  I hear the ice cream machine calling."  She went to get herself some.

"Is he all right?" Tara asked.

She beamed and nodded.  "He's fine.  Upset, which I'd be if I suddenly woke up pregnant too.  Screamed and ranted at Mom's but I got him calmed down.  It'll be okay.  That's why we got the frankenleather demon for him.  Giles said they're healers."

"Good."  She closed the book, handing it back.  "After classes?"

"Sure.  We'll be there," she said happily, heading back to the shop.  She walked in and handed Giles back the book.  "Willow went militant female for a few but she's having a good sulk with the ice cream machine.  Tara said she'd be down after classes to hug the Xander and make him feel better.  Plus to help me plan the baby shower and stuff.  Can we hold it here or should we plan for Mom's?"

"Your mother would probably host it if you asked," he offered.  She beamed and went to call her mother.  He looked at where Xander was sulking.  The OB had checked him over then gave him a long list of instructions.  "It won't be that bad."

"Yes it will be.  I'm pregnant, I'm a guy, and I work construction, Giles.  I'm supposed to be lifting heavy stuff.  She said I can't.  That means I can't work."  He looked at him.  "That also means I lose my health insurance, my apartment, my car, all that good stuff that I kinda count on."

"You can do some modified tasks," he said calmly.  "If your supervisor already knows I'm sure he has plans in place in case one of the women on the crew ends up stuffed up."

"Maybe," he said, going back to his third candybar.  Buffy walked past him to take it.  "Hey!"

"Two every two hours, Xander.  We don't need you bouncy.  You might knock the baby's brains around and give him a concussion.  We can't wake him up in there so that'll be bad and could hurt him."  She nibbled on it.  "Besides, you should be eating salads and stuff.  Healthy stuff so he'll grow big and strong."

"Him?" he asked dryly.

"Well, you're a guy having a baby; it's seems more natural that you're having a boy.  Is Anya okay?"

"She and the healer demon had a long talk and got scary together," he said, reaching over to snatch a piece of the candy back.  "She did say I could have the apartment and Spike if I wanted."

Buffy beamed.  "Can we tell Spike here so we can all see it?"

He rolled his eyes.  "Sure, Buffy."

"Did she find anything about the other daddy?"

"He's searching for us.  He can't directly give him clues but he might put some hints in his way since he's on the wrong coast at the moment."  She nodded that happened.  "It also happened two weeks ago."  He finished that piece of chocolate and Giles gave him his soda back.  "Thanks."

"You're welcome.  I agree you have a right to sulk but to overload on sugar and caffeine can't be good for either of you."

"Yeah, we can't knock you out and tie you down this time when you get too bouncy," Buffy agreed cheerfully, going to help a customer with something.

Xander shook his head, giving Giles a look.  "Is it me or her that's sane?"

"I fear I'm the only sane one around here now and then," Giles assured him.

"Good, then it's her."  He got up.  "I should go fix Joyce's door."

"Let me call her first.  She was at the gallery," Buffy called.

"Sure."  He sat down again.  That could take an hour of mother/daughter chatting about things.  He finished his soda and went to the bathroom, going back to his curling-up spot.  He figured he'd be there for a lot over the next few months.

***

Sam stared at the last demon he had caught, pinning it against a wall, stepping into its face.  "The one they call the favorite playtoy of demons?" he snarled. "Where is he?"

"He?"

"He!" he snapped.  "He's carrying my son and he's not here!"

The demon swallowed, nodding.  "You must mean the one in Sunnydale.  We've heard.  His mood swings are even making the slayer cranky when he throws things at her!" he said, trying to beg.  If he gave enough information the guy might leave him living.

"Sunnydale?"

"The hellmouth?"

"Huh?"

"Your kind don't deal with them?"

"No."  He texted that word to Bobby.  He showed him the 'mythical' answer he got back.  "Wanna try again?"

"I swear, it's not!  It's not!  All our kind know it!  It's got enough power to drive us insane!  That's why master vampires go there to end the world!" he wailed.  "Please!"

"Map, now," he growled.  The demon wrote out directions.  He looked at them then at him.  "It had better be right."

"Ask any of us!"  Sam let him go and he went to his knees.  "We're sorry!"

"My brother's nearly five months now."

"No wonder he has mood swings!"

Sam gave him a look and killed him anyway.  He glared around the demon bar before heading off.  The other patrons slowly uncowered and went back to their drinks.  How did a hunter not hear about those sort of places?

***

"I'll fucking well fix it later, Buffy!" Xander said, snatching the urn back to throw at the window.  Someone walked through the door and caught it.   "I wanted to break that," he snarled, hands on his ever-expanding hips.  "Who're you?"

Sam put the urn down and carefully moved closer.  "I'm the one who had the accident with my spell.  I forgot to specify that *I* should be the vessel for my brother to be reborn."

"So this is *your* fault," Xander said coldly, staring at him.  He was tall, cute, muscled, clearly a pretty boy without sense.  "What was so damn important that you had to knock me up from wherever you were?  Also, where in the fuck have you been!" he shouted.

"I've been looking for you," he said calmly.  "My kind of hunters think this town is mythical.  Can I have your name?"

"Xander," Anya called helpfully.  "Xander Harris.  White Knight to the Slayer."

Xander glared at her and she ducked back down behind the counter again.  "Not happy with you either."  He stared at him.  "You would be?  And what was so damn important?"

"I'm Sam Winchester, Mr. Harris."  He stopped a respectful distance away, knowing his life was over with if he pissed this one off.  "My brother gave up his soul to save my life," he said quietly.  "I was going to be the vessel so I didn't lose the last of my family."  Xander frowned, and he noticed his eyes were getting teary.   Mood swings must be driving him nuts.  "Someone else started it and I had to finish it.  I fully planned to carry him.  I know Dean's a bit hard on the nerves now and then," he said with a small grin.  "He got on mine often enough."

"Winchester.  Beyond the rifle where do I know that name?"

"My family and I have been demon hunters since I was six months old," he said quietly.  "That's why I didn't know to look here.  Our kind consider this place mythical."

"Wow.  Does that make me Cinderella or Snow White?" Buffy asked Giles, who moaned and walked off shaking his head.  "So how did the magical oops happen?"

"The demon it called upon said that the baby had to grow somewhere with a lot of energy.  Then he decided that having Mr. Harris carry him for me would solve some later, worse problems.  Plus be very amusing apparently because the higher ones only do things for their amusement."  He stepped closer.  "Are you all right?" he asked quietly.

"I'm fine.  Not thrilled with you but I'm fine."

"Good.  Can we talk without your fierce horde of girls?"

"No," he snorted.  "Get to know me, get to know our witches and slayer."

"Slayer?"  Buffy smiled and waved a hand, going back to braiding her ponytail.  "Wow, you're really mythical.  More so than unicorns.  We've spotted one of those in the last century but none of us have ever spotted you."

"Now you have," she said cheerfully.  "So you can die so I can be a good auntie now."

"Fat chance," he said dryly, giving her a look.  "If I could, I'd take the baby so he wouldn't have to do this.  I had every intention of doing it myself," he told Xander when he snorted.  "I was going to make sure he was still *Dean* when he was born and raised so I'd have him back."

Xander glared at him.  "Too late for that now, huh?"

"Would you let me be there and help you?"

"Help me with what?" he demanded.

Sam shifted a bit closer, reaching out a hand.  "May I?"  Xander growled so he stroked over the rippling stomach.  "Dean, stop it. You're hurting him," he said quietly to the lump.  "Leave him alone for a bit, okay?  I'll play Metallica if you do."  The baby stopped kicking.  Xander slumped in relief.  He grinned a bit.  "He likes heavy metal.  Specifically older Metallica.  I've got some in the car.  We can go talk? You can bring a chaperone to make sure I have totally honorable intentions if you want," he said at the opening mouth.  "I'm an honorable man.  If you were a girl I'd have shown up with a ring."

Xander looked at the ladies, smiling when Tara came over.  "You sure, Tara?"

She nodded.  "I...i...I'm sure," she stuttered.

Sam smiled at her.  "I heard something about a witch with your name from Annabelle.  She was the guardian in Morrisville."

She blushed, then nodded.  "I heard she passed."

"My dad made her marry my older brother when he was sixteen to keep him partially safe.  She, um...."

She laid a hand on his arm, smiling a bit.  "I know," she whispered.  He nodded.  She looked at Xander.  She nodded outside and he nodded, walking out with her between them.   They got into the car and she waited until they were out of town to pull up some of her goddess given power, pinning him against the door.  "If y..you hu...hurt him I will m...make you pay," she warned.

He looked at her.  "I'd never hurt the mother of my child or of my brother, Tara.  I'm not that sort of guy.  I have every intention of being nearby to help Xander all I can and to be there while Dean's growing."  She released him, letting him talk to Xander.  "I did not mean for this to happen."

"You kiss ass very well," he said dryly.  He got kicked and winced.  Sam put in the tape and turned it on.  The baby calmed down and he sighed.  "Thank you."

"Sorry, I would've put it back on at the store but I didn't want to upset Tara too."  He looked at the stomach then at Xander.  "Will you let me be here?"

"He's still my son."

"Actually, he'll be Dean again," Sam said quietly.  Xander's face fell.  "The demon did say that some things might change.  He'd be happier this time.  He'd be more content.  That's one of the reasons he gave me for giving him two parents instead of using me.  That, the extra energy here that would help keep you healthy, that it'd solve some later problems, and would make a lot of the lower demons scream in outrage so he'd have some amusement."

Xander shook his head, leaning against the window.  "That's probably why Willow found the accelerated growing?"

Sam shrugged.  "She did?"

"He'll grow a year every month," Tara said quietly.  For some reason she wasn't scared of this guy.  Not like most men but she wasn't scared of him.

Sam nodded.  "Even then I'm still not going to abandon you, Xander."

"You'll have him back by the time he's sixteen," he said dryly.

"That's not the sort of man I am," he said firmly, staring him down.  "I never have been.  If I had knocked you up the normal way I'd have been there with a ring and a preacher within an hour.  As a matter of fact," he said, opening the glovebox.  "I heard that hands can swell during this so I thought a necklace might be nicer?" he said, handing him the box.  "I have no intention of abandoning you, even when he's back to his proper age.  If I did Dean would kick my ass and summon our father back from hell to help him."

"Your father's in hell?"

"He made a deal to save Dean's life after an accident with a demonic semi," Sam said quietly.

Xander blinked.  "Damn."

"Basically.  The same demon took my mother's life and my girlfriend's life."  Xander slumped.  "My family is everything to me.  I'm more than prepared to move into the town, get a job, help support you.  Work toward a real relationship if that's what you want."

"What if I don't want?"

Sam studied him.  "I don't take you as the sort to hit it and forget it, Xander."

"Well, he's not really going to be my kid, huh?" he said bitterly.

Sam pulled him over to kiss him.  "Just because he'll be Dean reborn doesn't mean he's not our kid," he said, staring into his eyes.  "We've still got to take care of him, help his training he'll want to do, all that.  He'll need good, guiding parents."

"I'm...."

Sam smiled, putting a finger over his mouth.  "It can't be worse than our father.  He raised us as tiny soldiers in a war because of the demon that killed my mom when I was six months old.  I was ten before I realized that other kids didn't eat MRE's every few days and consider it good food."

"Mine weren't considered human by some people."

"You're part demon?"

"No, they were drunks."

"So?"  He shrugged.  "I'm sure you're not."  Xander shook his head slowly.  "Are you going to let them babysit?"

"Hell no," he snorted.  The baby kicked when the new song started.  "Favorite or hated?"

"Hated," he admitted, fast forwarding that song.  He saw the kick.  "Relax, Dean.  I'm not going to hurt the tape."  He let the next song play, grinning a bit.  "This car, his music, me, and hunting were his whole life, Xander.  That's why he's reacting so strongly."

"For the last six hours he's done nothing but kick the snot out of my lungs," he admitted grimly, stroking his stomach.

"I hit the edge of town two hours ago.  I went to drop stuff at the motel first.  That way it wouldn't look like I was showing up and moving in."

Xander snorted, shaking his head.  "There's no way I'm ready for a new roomie.  I just got rid of Anya."

Tara snickered.  "She was happy."

"Of course, I could still have sex then," he said dryly, giving her a look.  He looked at Sam again.  "I'm still not happy with this situation."

"Neither am I," he said honestly.  "If it had went right I'd be craving pickles right about now."  Xander nodded, moaning a bit.  "Can I ...touch?"  Xander nodded, letting him stroke over his stomach.  He got kicked once then Dean settled down.  "Hey, Dean.  It's all right and we still love you.  Bobby said hi when I talked to him last night."  The baby shifted, he could feel it.  He looked at Xander.  "Are you okay on the health stuff?"

"The demon OB said I'm perfectly healthy even if my diet does suck and I need to work less hours."

"I can help with the expenses, Xander.  I meant what I said.  I'm here to help and to get as close as you'll let me be."

Xander stared at him.  "Why?"  Sam gave him a confused look.  "The only things that want that close to me want to kill me or use me."

"Well, you can make a good case for the second but it was an accident," Sam admitted.  "Otherwise?  You're carrying my family.  That's a sacred thing to some of us.  If you had gotten a girl in trouble, wouldn't you be having this same sort of talk?"

"I didn't want to have kids at all, Sam."

"Oh.  I guess I can see that."  That was a different situation.  Of course he'd be a bit resentful as well.

He snorted.  "I doubt it.  You may hunt demons but so do I.  We have a lot of vamps and demons around here.  More than humans really.  We do nightly patrols to control the vampire population."  Sam frowned at that.  "Plus we have non-harmful and harmful other demons.  We have semi-annual apocalypses we have to handle.  I'm a part of the team here, even when Buffy doesn't like it because I'm a normal guy - except for being pregnant - and I still save asses around here."

"Good then I don't have to hide the hunting I've done from you," Sam said.  "I doubt anyone normal is ever going to understand coming home from killing a demon that used to be someone you know because that's all you could do to save them."  Xander slumped.  "It's my life too, Xander, and if you guys need help with that I'll learn your style.  I'll even teach you how to salt and burn ghosts so they go away."  Xander gave him a confused look. "You guys don't deal with ghosts and poltergeists?  Possessions?"

"His," Tara said with a small snicker.

He gave her a dirty look.  "One poltergeist replaying why he killed his lover and himself back in high school."

Sam shrugged.  "If it comes up I can teach you guys that."  He stroked over his stomach again, staring at him.  "I'm not some ogre.  I'll let you set the boundaries.  I'll let you make demands.  I'll let you rant and scream at me during mood swings."  Xander nodded that he'd be doing that.  "But I want to be part of his life and help him.  Dean was a stubborn bastard, even worse than me.  Even our Dad couldn't make him listen sometimes.  It'll take a good troop this time since he'll be trying to yell at me for not letting him go."

"Why did you do it?" Xander asked quietly.

"I didn't want to lose him.  Dean was my only family.  He took the deal to save my ass from a demon who said he tainted me heavily.  I know I'm not evil and Dean knew that I wasn't evil either.  He held that in his heart the whole time we were going through that episode.  When the demon took me, all of it.  He found me as I was dying and he made the deal to save my ass.  Not only did I owe him for that but he was my brother."

She put a hand on his shoulder.  "He's an only child, Sam."  She looked at him.  "If Willow had made a deal to save you or I and you could do this to save her, would you?"  He nodded, giving her an odd look.  "That's why he did it, Xander.  He can't explain it any more than you could."

Xander nodded.  "I can get that.  Now what?"

"Now, I have a motel room with protections on it for the most part.  Got a good place to find a decent job?"

"He works construction," Tara offered.  Xander gave her a horrified look.  She knew she was being bossy but Xander needed her to be a mother hen right now and Sam clearly needed the help in wooing Xander.  Plus she knew she could turn him into roadkill goo if he hurt her Xander friend.  "You guys need help, you said so earlier."  He slumped, nodding.  "That would give you a good, neutral place to get to know him.  You could see him at work and talk to him during work and at lunch.  Plus he'd make enough to help you when you have to quit working in a few months."

He nodded.  "There is that," he admitted, looking at him.  "I'm a crew lead now."

Sam grinned.  "I've only done some charity building and helping a few friends nail boards over windows.  I've helped Dean with the car now and then, but I'm a quick study.  I almost went to law school."

Xander snorted.  "That's why you have that smile that says you're charming, huh?"

"No, that's being a little brother and having to go after Dean to pick up girls," he admitted.  Xander shook his head, thumping it on the glass a few times.  "Sorry."  He shifted closer.  The baby moved.  "You like this song."

Xander looked down.  "My position's squishing him I think.  He likes me to recline, not sit up straight."

"If the seat reclined I'd do that but it doesn't," Sam admitted.  Xander shrugged, shifting so his hips were lower on the seat.  "Comfy?"  Xander nodded.  "Can I at least try?"

"You have one shot," Xander told him.  Sam nodded at that.  "No sucking up either.  I don't let Buffy suck up to him; I'm not letting you."

"That's fine," he assured him.  "Everyone who knew us considered Dean the suckup and me the cute and smart one."  Xander got kicked again, making him laugh.  "See, he agrees," he said with a small grin.

"What did he look like?" Tara asked.  Sam pulled down his visor and handed over the picture there.

"Not in your wallet?"

"I've pretty well lived in the car for the last five months looking for you, Xander."  He gave him a look.  "I was about an hour upstate a month ago.  No one said anything about here.  None of the demons I found, none of the concubines I freed looking for you.  None of the toys I freed looking for you."  They both gave him an odd look.  "He called you a favorite plaything."

"Charming," Xander said dryly, taking the picture to look over.  He smiled at the shorter guy, smirking at his big brother.  "Are you older?"

"He's older.  He complained a number of times about being older, yet shorter.  Called me gigantor a few times too."

"You're not that tall," Xander said, handing it back.  "How tall was he?"

"About yours. A few inches shorter than yours."

"Not that tall," he said, shifting again.  Xander reached back into the backseat and got a pillow, handing it to him.  "Gee, thanks."

"The books said that hemorrhoids could happen starting in the fifth or sixth month."  He helped settle him on it then grinned.  "How's that?"

"No more spring in my tailbone.  Nice.  Thank you.  Quit being so nice.  I'm not used to nice or sweet."

Sam shrugged.  "It's the guy I am, Xander.  I'm a nice guy unless you're an evil bastard or picking on my family.  You're now family."

Xander gaped.  "Just like that?"

Sam stroked over his stomach.  "Just like that.  I can still find a preacher if you want.  My father would be screaming at me to find one even if you didn't like it if he knew."

Xander took his hand off his stomach.  "I'm not going to be your property or your toy, Sam.  I'm more than a womb or whatever I have."

"Of course you are.  That's why I want to get to know *you*.  Not just his mother, but you."  Xander gave him a confused look again.

Tara leaned forward to stroke his hair.  "This is normal guy things, Xander.  He should want to court you and check on you, help you, and learn to love you."

"But....  The accelerated...."

Sam covered his mouth, making Xander look at him.  "I don't give a damn if he's eighty," Sam said bluntly.  "Got it?"  Xander nodded slowly but he still looked confused.  "You'll get used to it, Xander.  I promise.  I did.  You can."

"You've courted others?" she asked quietly.

"I was living with my girlfriend and seriously thinking about rings when she was killed by the demon," Sam admitted.  She smiled at that.  He looked at Xander again.  Dean chose that moment to kick him extra hard.  "Sorry.  He hated emotional moments."  He stroked over his stomach.  "I've got to talk to him, Dean.  Quit.  Please?"  The baby shifted so his back was up, making him grin.  "Does he do that to you guys too?

"He did it when Buffy was complaining about her new zit the other day," Tara said.

Sam grinned.  "He could never stand chick flick moments as he called them."  He looked at Xander.  "So maybe this time the girls will make him a bit more tolerant of it."

Xander shrugged.  "I'm not.  They drag me kicking and screaming most of the time."

Sam chuckled.  "Now and then I did him too.  He lost a bet so I made him go see a dress movie with me.  It let me break the date with the succubus who wanted me badly."

"Your life was nearly as insane as mine, huh?" he asked dryly.

Sam shrugged.  "I won't know until you tell me and I tell you about mine, Xander.  That's part of getting to know someone."

"I guess."  He looked around.  "We should get back.  We have patrol tonight."  Sam started the car and drove them back to the shop.   He walked in.  "We're going to at least get to know each other."  Buffy beamed and clapped.  "Plus since he's a hunter he said he'd be willing to help with patrol and stuff."

Sam walked in with a shotgun and a pack.  "Okay."

"Wow, you use Xander methods?" Buffy asked.

He nodded.  "Yeah, what do you guys use?"  She put a stake on the table.  Xander pulled out a crossbow.  "Wow.  Huh.  Okay, I can use a crossbow."  He unloaded the shotgun and put it into the pack then pulled out his own crossbow.

"Wooden shafts," Xander said quietly.

"The ones we ran into were killed with dead people's blood."

"That's a different sort of vampire," Giles said from behind the counter.  "These are fairly young minions of the lower class of vampire, Mr. Winchester.  Stake to the heart or beheading."

"Like the movies," Willow agreed cheerfully.  Xander gave her an odd look.  "What?  He was cute!"

"Eww," Xander told her.  "Plus thoughts I don't need."

"Hello, better than the hos you used to date," she shot back.  "Now you have a baby's daddy so he can do what Anya was trying to."  She smirked and grabbed her own stake, then Tara's hand.  "Come on, Buffy, let's go while Xander has a moment of gay panic."

Xander looked at her back then muttered something, making her yelp.  Tara gave him a dirty look.  "What?  She deserved it!"

"Xander, no doing magic on Willow.  You'll end up a rabbit again," Tara reminded him.  She drug Willow off, Buffy following to calm Willow down.  "All he did was swat," she said when Willow started to mutter.  "You were being naughty."

"You kinda were," Buffy agreed.  "Let's see how bad and evil Sam is before we make plans on how to hurt him.  After all, he could be minor, Spike level, evil instead of Angelus or worse Initiative level evil.  I doubt he's mayor level evil," she said when Willow looked at her.  "Or even Cordy level of evil.  He might be so minorly evil that he's good for Xander.  At the very least he'll keep the evil bimbos off him so we don't have to worry about them trying to kill him again.  Or Anya."

Willow pouted. "Fine, we'll see what sort of evil bastard he is before we turn him into goo and then something more fun."

"That's my witch," Buffy said cheerfully.

Behind them Sam looked at Xander.  "I'm not evil.  Not in the least."

Xander shrugged.  "They think I only draw evil things."

"Science teacher," Buffy called back.

"Virgin at the time, hello!  Could've gotten you too if you were male," Xander called back.  She burst out cackling.  "Besides, I was stunned by the size of her breasts, Buffy.  Like you are with Spike's ass."  He shook his head.  "They're sure that I draw evil women."

"Well, I'm not a woman and not evil so it might be a way to stop them," he offered.

Xander looked at him.  "We'll see about the last part.  But don't tempt Willow, she'll make you a girl.  She offered to do it to me for the birth."  He pointed.  "That's Spike.  He's a vampire but he's a helpful one so we don't stake him."  He waved at him.  "Spike, this is Sam Winchester."  Spike backed away slowly.  "Ah, you do have a rep.  He's the baby's little brother."

Spike just nodded once and backed up farther.  "Need more chocolate, whelp?  More mood swings?"

"No, he caught the urn with the evil sock demon when I was going to use it to break the window at the store earlier.  He even found out what makes him not kick!" he said with a manic grin.  "Now maybe I can get some sleep."

"Be good for you," he agreed.  He nodded politely at Sam.  "He's carrying your big brother?"  Sam grinned and nodded.  "Why?"

"The demon decided not to use me.  It let him be more amused and stop some worse evil things."

"Ah," he said weakly, walking off smoking.  "Should go stake myself now," he muttered.  "Be easier."

"Buffy would get mad if you do," Xander called.  "Buffy, Spike's threatening to stake himself again and not in that fun way Anya wanted him to," he called.

Buffy came jogging over to pounce Spike and talk him out of his suicidal tendencies again.  She stared down at him.  "Four more months and he'll have a baby, Spike.  No more mood swings then."

"Do you know who that was!" he demanded.

"Their kind think I'm mythical," she said with a bright, happy smile.

"Yeah, and they're bloody indiscriminate!"

"I don't have the energy to take on things that aren't harmful," Sam called as they moved out of hearing range.

Buffy stared at him.  "If you know I want to know, Spike.  If we have to protect Xander we'd best know now.  Give me then I'll go beat on Willie for a bit."  He nodded, so she let him up and walked him off to talk to him, staking a few minions on the way.  What she found out didn't make her unhappy... but not really happy either.  That's why she stopped him later from going into the shop.  "Demon?"

He groaned.  "Mind games," he said.  "Not what you think, Buffy.  I've never been evil except the time I was possessed.  I'm not now and I'm hoping I never am again."  She stared at him.  "I have nothing but honorable intentions toward Xander.  My family means *everything* to me.  The same as Dean sold his soul to save my ass, I'd give up mine for him to be okay.  It was supposed to happen to me, not come here."

She stared at him.  "You're going to talk to my mother tomorrow once you find a job.  She'll make the decision.  Am I clear?"  He nodded.  "Good.  Where are you staying?"

"The Crimson."

She giggled.  "That's a bait and buffet place, Sam."

"I have salt and cats eye wards up plus some others."

She gave him an odd look.  "Salt?"

"Yeah, salt keeps spirits out.  Don't you guys use that?"  She slowly shook her head.  "Huh.  Another difference.  Tara and Xander said you guys don't deal with very many poltergeists either.  We did a lot of spirits and that sort of manifestation.  Some natural beasts that were out of control and hurting people.  A wendigo."  She gave him that same confused look.  He walked her inside, finding a book on the shelves, waving it at Giles, who nodded.  He sat down with her and Willow, Xander looking over from sharpening crossbow tips.  He found the wendigo entries, letting her see.  "Those.  We took one on about two years ago."

She stared at it.  Then at him.  "Why?"

"It was eating hikers and campers."

"Oh."  She nodded, looking over it again.  "Wow, it's ugly."  He nodded, grinning some.  She looked at him.  "How do you feel about Xander hunting?"

"If he's able to hunt in a way that's safe and practical, that's up to him.  If it's something that's going to endanger his life, then he should probably let me handle it."  Xander shook his head.  "If it'll kill you...."

"It'll be like my ex-girlfriend, who used to be a vengeance demon," he said, pointing at her.  "Or the one before her or the one before her....."  He smirked.  "I'm going to keep on patrolling, Sam."

"That's fine.  As long as you can do it in a way that's safe I have no problem with it."  Xander nodded at that.

"That's why I made him start using the crossbow instead of a stake," Buffy told him.

"That's a wise precaution.  He can be farther away and take on more of them if he's outnumbered.  Does he carry a cellphone?"  Xander nodded.  "So he'll be fine.  I'll go with him so I learn you guys' style of hunting instead of ours."

"Good enough for now," Buffy said.  "Xander, he's going to meet my mom tomorrow.  That good for you?  She'll be able to tell if he's a bastard after telling me Riley was."

He looked at her.  "Don't I have a say in this?"

"Yeah but if he's a bastard we should know now," Buffy told him.  "That way we can beat his ass and make him less of a bastard so he can't hurt you or little Ralph in there."

"Dean," Sam said, then he coughed.  She gave him an odd look.  "He was my brother Dean, Buffy."

"Oh.  Well, it's not a stupid name," she decided.  "I didn't like Ralph anyway but Xander said he wasn't going to announce a name until after he was born."  She shrugged and walked off to call her mother.  "Hi, Mom.  The baby's little brother showed up finally.  Yup, that's what I want you to do."  She listened then looked at him.  "Eww, Mom."  She stared at Sam for a minute.  "Mom said that since there was a love clause you two weren't doing nasty, dirty, sex stuff, right?"

He shook his head.  "No, we weren't, Buffy.  You can assure her that some people thought we were but we weren't."

"No, Mom.  He said it was talked about by people with sick dreams but didn't happen.  Yeah, Sam.  He's really huge too.  Thanks.  Xander, what time did you want him to show up to interview at the site?"  He shrugged.  "Okay, Mom.  How about he goes there in the morning if he survives the motel and then comes to see you after lunch?  That'll work.  Thanks."  She hung up.  "My mom's up the street at the art gallery.  She said be there at three so she can rip you to shreds to make sure you won't hurt her only grandbaby."

"I can do that," he agreed.

"What's your highest grade completed?" Willow asked.

"I nearly finished my last year of college before a demon killed my girlfriend.  I was headed for law school, probably on a full ride," he told her.  She gaped.  He smirked.  "My father and I actually fought about me going to college.  We didn't talk for four years because of that."

She nodded slowly.  "Your brother's?"

"He's hands-on smart and weapons smart.  He's the only guy I know who can build an EMF meter from a walkman."  She slumped some more. "Plus he had a very good hand at hunting and weapons."

"Guys, enough," Xander ordered.  "You're making the baby cranky again."  Sam moved but he glared.  "No more tummy rubbing tonight."

"Okay."  He stepped back.  Willow gave him an odd look.  "I gave him the right to set boundaries, miss.  That's his option.  That is a very personal thing and if it bothers him I won't do it unless he wants me to."

"Are you gay?" Buffy asked.  "You're really nice, polite, and sweet.  The only ones around here like that are gay or looking to hunt young girls to kill and rape them."

"No, I'm not like that either," he said patiently.  "My father raised us to be honorable men.  If he'd been a girl I'd have a ring in one hand and preacher behind me when I showed up earlier."  She gave him a horrified look.  "My father was a Marine, Miss Summers.  Our honor is very important to us.  The same as our family, made and natural, is."

"I guess that's okay.  Are you sure you're not gay?  Because if you were, that'd help you both be together."

He sighed.  "Dabbled twice, otherwise no.  I had a long-term, living with relationship with my last girlfriend for over a year and a half."

"Wow, way longer than mine," Buffy admitted.

"Tara and I are working on seven months," Willow told her.

"Congratulations," Sam told her.  "It's a hard thing to make a relationship work well."

Tara smiled.  "She's grumpy," she said quietly.  He laughed at that.  "Xander, how long were you and Anya together?"

"Six months.  One living together."

"My new place is still a dump," Anya complained.

"You'd rather watch me eat pickles and chocolate sauce?" Xander countered.

She turned a bit green.  "No."  She fled to get sick again.  Xander smirked at Sam.  She came back out a few minutes later with some ice water.  "At least another of those evil bunnies died when you got pregnant, Xander.  We should all have one so more of them die."

Sam shook his head quickly.  "That's because they used to do a pregnancy test by inserting some scraped tissues into a bunny to see if it grew, Anya.  Then they had to kill it to see if the cells grew or not.  If they did you were pregnant."

"Oh.  Not automatically?"

"No, not automatically, sorry," he said.

"Pity.  They're still evil.  All twitchy nose and fluffy."  She shuddered, walking off again.

"It's okay, when she's ready for kids she's going to go buy one off a crack ho," Buffy told Sam.  Who only nodded once slowly at that.

"She was a vengeance demon for eleven hundred years," Willow told him.  "You get used to Anya."

"Does this mean I can't have the pregnancy orgasms any more?" Anya called from the back room.  "I'm missing having any and I ran out of batteries."

"Use the blue one," Xander called patiently.

"I can't.  My electric bill was over eighty dollars last month from the two plug-in vibrators."

"Way more than I needed to know," Buffy complained.  "I'm gonna go do another quick patrol on the way home.  Girls?"  They fled with her.  She could get them back to the campus then go beat Willie for information.

"You really do get used to her," Giles assured Sam.

"I'm sure we'll learn to get along.  I'm a nice guy most of the time unless you threaten me or my family."  He shrugged.  "Xander, want driven home?"

"I'm good," he said quietly.

"Okay.  Ten a good time or is nine better?"

"Nine's good.  Ten's a usual break."  Sam nodded and left.  Xander looked around then at Giles.  "What's wrong with him?" he asked.

"He's a generally nice, normal young man with hunting experience," Giles told him.  "Most boys are like that, Xander."

He slumped.  "He can't be.   Too good of a deal, Giles."

Giles shrugged.  "I'm sure there's trauma in his past as well, Xander."

"He told me about his dad.  His mom got killed when he was six months old by the same demon that took out his girlfriend."

Giles nodded slowly.  "Then he does it for a different reason than you do, Xander.  He still seems like a nice boy.  I'm sure you two will at least find an amicable relationship where he can help you."

He walked over there.  "He said the baby's going to be his big brother again.  Down to the preppy hair apparently."  He pouted some.  "That means he won't be *my* son."

Giles patted him on the arm.  "Even if it is him reborn you'll still be able to teach him things, to love him, to help raise him to be a good man, Xander.  He'll still be your son."  He paused then he smiled.  "Think of it like raising a slayer.  You know he has a destiny, but you can still find other things to do with him as well as help him train for that destiny."

Xander blinked a few times.  "I didn't think about it like that."

"Exactly.  He'll still have things he'll need to learn.  Including weapons.  That's something you can help teach him as well as other things.  Like how to do your special dance and things."  Xander smiled at that.  "Even if he does have the same memories your stamp and raising will still be molding him a bit."  He got a nod.  "Now, shoo.  You have to be at work early tomorrow to tell your supervisor the good news."

"I know."  He looked down at his stomach.  "I should've went with the girls."

"I can call Buffy back."

"She's off beating Willie by now," he said dryly.  He grabbed his crossbow and headed off into the night, heading home.  He could feel someone watching him and turned, finding Sam there.  "Didn't like the motel room?" he asked dryly.

"The two vampires in there were killed and the others ran screaming my name.  I figure it'll be okay for a few more if you want walked home.  Or I can go get the car?"

"No, walking's good for me," he admitted.  Sam nodded and walked beside him, simply watching around them while he thought.  "You're still too good to be true."

Sam snickered.  "I'm not going to claim I don't have a temper and I'm not stubborn, Xander.  I'm the next best thing to an ox when you've engaged my stubborn streak."  That got a nod of understanding.  "The same as if someone tried to hurt you I'm going to handle it.  Violently if possible."  Xander gave him a sideways look.  He stopped them, staring down at Xander.  "I have killed demons to protect Dean.  I've killed demons to protect both of us and Dad.  I've killed demons to protect Bobby and the other hunters.  You're in that same circle of family for me.  If I have to kill a demon who's bothering you I will be.  I might even be very pissed and make a mess of it.  Even with that, I'd still never hurt you or him.  Okay?"  Xander nodded.  "The same as I might have a beer now and then but I'm not a drunk.  Dean said two beers and I'm off singing karaoke.  Which isn't far off."  He grinned.  "You can have all the time you want to get to know me, Xander.  Ask me stuff and I'll answer if I can.  Even the embarrassing things."

"Awww," a vampire said.  "How mushy and girl like."  Xander gave him a look.  "On you we excuse it since you're basically a girl."  Xander took the stake from Sam and went after him, beating him pretty well before staking him.

Sam grinned.  "Nice job.  There's a few katas that can help you compensate for the shifting weight.  I can teach them to you this weekend if you want."

"I might like that," he admitted.  "But you've got to move."

"Once I have a paycheck I'll get a place."  Xander nodded, letting them walk on.  He smiled at some of the buildings.  "That one's pretty.  Residential?"

"Um, demon apartments but mostly harmless things."  He pointed at one.  "We're heading there.  It's a mixed building."  Sam nodded.  "Want walked back to the rathole?"

Sam smiled at him. "I'm more dangerous than the rifle that shares our family name, Xander.  They won't be getting me."  He got him to his door.  "Want walked up?"  Xander shook his head, finding his keys so he could get inside.  "I'll let you help me look, okay?"  He nodded, heading up there.  "Have a good night, Xander."  He made sure the downstairs door was closed then went back to his motel.  He had stayed in worse places.  It even had the magic fingers system that Dean adored.  It made him feel closer to his brother again.  He missed the jerk.

***

Xander's boss smiled when he saw Sam coming in.  He was neatly pressed.  He looked decent.  He had a good, firm handshake.  "Xander said you're the baby's father."

"Yes, sir," he agreed.  He let himself be walked into the office.  "How he got pregnant didn't quite go as planned.  That's why it took me so long to find him."

"Hmm.  I've heard your name from somewhere."  He could see the boy's mental sigh and smirked.   "Any relation to the people who make the guns?"

"A very distant one," he said with a small grin.  "I think my father was something like a fifth cousin."

"Pity. Then you could've kept the boy in a style that he needs to be and afforded the best for the baby."

"Technically, if I really wanted to I could go find a wish demon and do the same thing."

"I don't think they work the way you think, boy."

"That depends on which one you get," Sam said.  "If you get one of the vindictive ones who doesn't like what we do for a living, then giving us money would get us notice, which would upset and piss us off because notice means we can't hunt."

"Hmm.  You a lawyer?"

"I was heading to law school when my last girlfriend died because of the family's demon."

"Interesting.  Knew I'd heard something 'bout your family."  He stared at him for a minute.  "What do you know about construction?"

"I've helped board up some windows and doors.  An afternoon with my former girlfriend doing a Habitat house."  That got a nod.  "They gave me mixing duties."

"So trainable?"

"I usually am, yes, sir."

"You're polite, I'll give you that."

"My father was a Marine.  He made sure of it."

"Even better.  We start at eight."  Sam nodded at that.  "Work all day until five.  You get lunch and two breaks."

"I can do that.  If I have trouble understanding things I'll be sure to ask.  Can I start tomorrow?  I've got to set up a better place to live and make sure Xander has what he needs."

"You're focused on your family."

"My family's more important to me than my honor or my soul."

"Then I like you, boy.  You go by Sam or Sammy?"

"I prefer Sam.  Only my brother ever got away with Sammy."

"Good enough.  Call me boss if you want."  That got a nod and a grin.  "That grin'll get you looked at funny by the boy.  He's never had normal or good."

"We're going to get to know each other.  I'm not expecting to jump into anything with him.  If he had been female I'd brought have a preacher and a ring but this is a special circumstance so I'll get to know him and let him get to know the real me."

"Good plan, Sam."  He shook his hand.  "Be here at eight to start the forms."

"If you want I can do them today so I can jump in tomorrow.  The only other thing I have to do today is to meet with one of his friends' mother at three."

"Joyce?"  Sam nodded. "She's a fine woman, and sweet as hell.  Hell, if Buffy weren't her daughter I'd have made a play by now."

"Buffy seemed like a nice girl last night," Sam said quietly.

"She is but she damn near killed the robot that tried to date her Ma."  He handed over some forms. "Here you go.  Fill those out.  I'll let Xander know.  Try to find a place on the eastern edge of town.  It's safer.  Not that far away if you're gonna do what the boy does either.  Closer to the witches he hangs out with."  He left him alone, going to talk to Xander.  "He's sweet."  Xander gave him a grimace.  "I know, you've never had sweet or a taste for any sweet but chocolate and coke, but he's a stand-up guy it seems.  He's filling out forms."

"Sure.  Where do you want him tomorrow?  Alan's crew needs a body to haul and tote for the landscaping part of their job."

"That'll work.  Then we'll get him back here to teach the boy how to do things."  He went to tell him that.  "Xander pointed out that the other crew in town needs someone with dumb grunt strength tomorrow for some landscaping.  You allergic to chemicals?"

"No, sir."  He smiled.  "How far out of town?"

"'Bout ten minutes from here.  He can show you tomorrow.  Appear there at eight."  Sam nodded, finishing the last of the forms for him.  He put them back together in the folder then handed them over.  "Thanks, Sam.  Have a good afternoon."  They shook hands and he left.  He went to let the boy look them over.  That was only fair to his mind.  Xander gave him an odd look.  "That way you know."

Xander opened it to look through.  "Stanford?  Bigger brains than Willow."  He kept going, handing over one. "Signature's too scrawled."

"Have him fix it tonight, before you show him where that site is."

"Yes, boss," he sighed, handing back the rest.  His boss walked off happier.  "Pushy people are getting annoying," he muttered.  "First Willow calls to make sure I'm wearing underwear and now the boss too."  He was nearly pouting.  One of the guys giving him a rice krispy treat showed that.  "Thanks, needed it.  Dean likes sweets too."

"Dean?"

"Sam's brother that just died."

"Wow."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "It'll be okay.  You'll get to know the guy and it'll be fine.  Like any virgin bride."

Xander looked at him.  "What makes you think I'm a virgin?" he asked dryly.  "Even in that area?"  The guy walked off laughing.  "Road trip after graduation, Peter.  Really."  The guy gave him a stunned look.  "What?  I broke down.  I ended up stripping.  What else do you think I did?"  The guy shuddered but walked off shaking his head.

"Don't make me drug test you," the boss called from the office.

"It's been over a year.  I doubt anything would show up," Xander quipped back.  He finished his treat and got back to the schedule.

***

Sam found a pretty nice place and called Buffy over for her opinion.  She looked around and nodded that it was nice. "Let me get paid tomorrow and I'll sign forms then?" he offered the landlord, who nodded, letting them go.  "You didn't like it?" he asked once they were farther away.

"I think it's tiny and you two are going to have an active baby sometime soon," she told him.  "My mom's got tons of stories about the wandering I used to do and how I broke stuff."

"Good point but I need to be able to save some of it."

She stared at him for a minute.  "So far we haven't seen anything that would mean that you're really evil so I'll give you a hint to help you there.  Xander's OB wants him to be a bit more monitored since he nearly fell down last night."

"He did?" he demanded.  "Is that why he wasn't at work?"

She nodded.  "He won't be for the next two days either."  She gave him a sideways look then walked off again.  "Have you ever seen the inside of Xander's apartment?"

"No, not yet."  He followed her, catching up pretty quickly.  "You think he would?"

"I think you'd need to suggest it the right way," she admitted.  "I wouldn't harp on his health.  Willow walked off crying when she tried to baby him."  She gave him another sideways look.  "Can you cook?"

"I'm not bad at the simple stuff," he admitted.  "Thanks, Buffy."  He gave her a quick hug then jogged off for the Impala and the grocery store.

She smiled at his back.  "I love giving clues.  I drive a good clue bus."

***

Sam smiled when Xander opened his door and gave him an odd look.  "Buffy said you were feeling a bit tired so I thought I'd come make dinner while you let me babble about the place I found?"  He held up the bags.  "I make a mean spaghetti and meatballs."

He nodded after a second.  "Okay."  He let him inside.  "But no mothering, nagging, or babying me."

"Xander, you're not a baby, you don't need diapers or coddling," he said dryly.  "Even if you could use a backrub with the way you're standing."

"I think I'll pass on that service," he said, sitting down and putting his feet up.  "What did she really tell you?" he asked, watching him make meatballs.  "You can do more than open the bag of those?"

Sam smiled and nodded.  "One of the other hunters' wife taught Dean and I both how to make meatballs when we were little.  She was babysitting us.  Bring a chair in or come sit on the counter.  You can watch."  Xander pulled over one of his barstools to sit and watch him.  "The breadcrumbs and eggs make them stick together and have that nice texture.  The herbs give it and the sauce flavor," he said quietly, showing him what he was doing.  "Want big or little ones?"

"Either's good."  Sam smiled, making good size but not huge meatballs.  The last one was smaller but that was to be expected.  He opened the jar of sauce and found a saucepan, putting them in there to brown with the sauce.  He moved around Xander to find a pot for the water.  "West cabinet."  Sam found it and poured water in, then looked and poured it out, getting water from the fridge.  "Sorry, they've been working on the lines.  I forgot."

"That's all right.  What do you think of the building on Peterson and Fourth?"

"I think it's smaller than this place.  Are you on the payroll tomorrow?"

"The boss said I was.  That way I could find somewhere better than the motel."  He gave him a look.  "Got a better suggestion?"

"I'd live over on New Money row but I can't," he said patiently.

"The big houses?"  Xander nodded.  Sam turned the meatballs carefully, glancing at the water.  "I looked at one ad over that way.  Three bedrooms, eight hundred a month plus electric."  Xander hissed at that, shaking his head.  "I know, pipe dream unless we moved in together.  Since you're not looking for that step I pared back down so I could help with the baby expenses.  Diapers and clothes are atrocious."

"Which building had one open?"

"The one with the pretty iron railings on the balconies."  Xander sighed at that.  "It's still open.  I called to check before I looked at mine."

"That's still really expensive, Sam."

"Three bedrooms."  He looked at him.  "I can have one, you can have one, the baby can have one?"

Xander considered it.  "Let me think."

"Let me know by tomorrow or else I said I'd sign a lease."

"Sure."  He looked at the water.  "It's starting to boil."

Sam smiled.  "We want them done about the same time.  The meat has about ten more minutes so let it get to a full boil then I'll put some in."  He pulled out two boxes.  "I wasn't sure which one you'd want.  Do you want dinosaurs or regular spaghetti?"

"You got me dinosaur pasta?"   Sam handed over the box and went back to cooking so Xander could be mushy in private.  Xander smiled at the thoughtful gesture.  Maybe he could get used to nice.  He gave his back a hug.  "Would you mind dinosaurs?"

"If I had, I would've gotten race cars."  Xander laughed at that, giving him a proper hug, which somehow turned into a kiss.  He pulled back, looking at him.  "As fast or as slow as you want, Xander.  Remember, I'm not going to get pushy."  Xander nodded, sitting down again to watch him cook.  The rest of the sauce got poured in once the meatballs were browned and the pasta got poured in too.  Sam slowly stirred it and they chatted about work for a bit.  Xander helped him drain the pasta and set the breakfast bar - the only table he had - so they could eat.  Sam put down the bowl so they could serve themselves and he dug in then suddenly leaned over to kiss him again.  Sam grinned.  "You taste good."

"I think that was your intention.  Making me tasty for later kissing?"

"Pasta's great comfort food when you feel a bit nasty and it's not that hard to make," he said with a gentle smile.  "It's what I go for when I'm having a bad day."  He stroked over Xander's head, smoothing down some hair.  "I'm glad you let me cook for you.  I don't do it often but it's nice to cook now and then."  He ate again, letting Xander have his personal space again.

Xander ate and thought.  "How big is this other place?"

"We can go look at it tonight if you want."

Xander wobbled then nodded.  "Let's."  Sam beamed and he felt his stomach clench.  Of course, Dean decided to protest the mushy feeling by kicking the shit out of him for a few minutes.  "Ow," he said, clutching the counter.

Sam got him shifted so Xander was leaning with his head on his shoulder, clutching his thighs, letting him rub his stomach.  "Shh, I've got you," he whispered.  "You're all right."  Dean finally quit kicking.  "I made him the special spaghetti, Dean.  Calm down."  He leaned down a bit, humming to him.  The baby shifted then went still.  "Thank you.  Good boy."  He stroked him for a few more minutes, then let Xander sit up.  "You better?"

"I'm better," he agreed, wiping off his cheeks.  "Was he Jet Li like?"

"No, not really.  He could kick in a door but never martial arts that way."  He grinned.  "He hated mushiness."

Xander let out a small laugh.  "No wonder he hated Anya hitting on me."  The baby shifted again so he looked down.  "Want us to move in together?"  The baby shifted but didn't kick.  "I think he likes that idea."

Sam pulled out his cellphone and the ad, calling the guy back.  "Can we come see the one with the balconies?  That one, yeah.  Thank you.  No, both of us, Boss.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "The boss owns it.  That's how I know it'll probably be gone tomorrow."

"Maybe he'll cut us a deal."  He shifted so he could eat again and Dean seemed to like that.  He laid there calmly and didn't shift or kick.  Xander sighed in pleasure.  "That's so much better.  He's napping."  Sam chuckled.  "Some year you can have one of these."

"If you decide we're together, I'll have the next one, how about that?"

Xander stared at him.  "You're serious about the relationship stuff?"  Sam nodded.  "Honestly?  You really, truly want *me*?"

"The more I get to know you the better I like you, Xander.  Even without the huge lump of fussing in there."

"You're sure?  Because I'm like glue when I'm stuck on someone."  Sam nodded.  "Absolutely certain?"  Sam nodded again.  "Then we should ask the boss about the loft on Southern."

"He said it's not open."

"Hmm.  I thought it was."  He finished up and got seconds, handing the bowl to Sam, who got some more too.  "You do make good meatballs."

"Thank you."

"Why was she babysitting you?"

"Dad and the other guy were off hunting something together."

"Oh.  How old were you?"

"I was eight so Dean was twelve."

"Wow."  He ate another bite.  "Your dad would hate me, huh?"

"I think he'd hate that I hadn't drug you before a minister yet.  That would've been my screaming match though.  He wouldn't have hated you, Xander."

"I'm hunting."

"That didn't bother him."

"You're sure?"  Sam nodded.  "Okay, as long as you're sure."  He tentatively reached a hand over and Sam took it to squeeze, going back to eating.  Xander smiled, eating too.  It was ...nice.  So apparently he could get used to nice.

***

Xander looked over the huge apartment then at their boss.  "This is *way* massive, Boss."

"True.  If the loft was open I'd offer it to you, though it's not good to have stairs with a baby."  He gave him a look.

Xander smirked.  "Any kid of mine will be exceptional, you know that."

"Still, Xander."

Xander looked around then at him. "Is the one on the other side, the blue one, open?"

He considered it then went to check it, nodding at them to follow.  "I think the old person got eaten last week."

Xander checked the name.  "We staked him last week when he came up."  Sam gave him a look so he showed him the name on the mail.  "If it's his place we staked him the night after you got here."

"Oh.  Okay.  I wasn't paying attention to names."  He shrugged, looking around.  This one was a nice place.  Open, had a single bedroom up a few stairs with a smaller one downstairs.  He looked at Xander, who blushed.  "If that's what you want.  How much is this one, boss?"

"Seven plus electric."  He looked at them.  "You sure you're ready to have him in the same bed?"

"The baby doesn't kick him," Xander told him.  "It's self defense of my kidneys and things."  Their boss pouted.  Dean kicked and Sam stroking the mound stopped him.  "See?"

"Fine.  You like this one?"

"I do like this one," Xander decided.  "It's about five times larger than mine."  He looked around.  "Did we leave that connecting room open?"

"Yup."  He went to open it.  "It's basically a large closet, Sam."

"It's neat.  We can use that for the baby stuff."  That got a nod and they settled in to sign forms.  "Can you take it out directly?"

"Sure, I can do that.  I already do that to Xander.  You splitting it equally?"  Sam nodded but Xander shook his head.  "Make a decision, boys," he said patiently.

"We're splitting it equally then arguing over the electric bill," Sam said, looking at Xander.  "That's fair."

"I can ...."

Sam kissed him.  "We're splitting it, Xander."

Xander slumped.  "Fine.  I'm not used to anyone paying for anything.  Anya certainly didn't."

"I'm not Anya," Sam said quietly.

"Good point.  Sure, equal is good, boss.  Leaves me more to my paycheck."  He nodded, making a note on the lease.  "When can we move in?"

"Let me get a death certificate for him so I can claim his stuff."

Xander looked around.  "If no one wants it, we'll keep the furniture."

"Sure, boys."  He smiled, patting them on the back. "We'll try for this weekend.  If not, certainly next weekend."  They nodded, shaking his hand.  "Sam, stay on Xander's couch for a few days, please?  He's a bit pale and shaky looking."  He left, making them go home too.

"I'm fine," Xander said once they were in the car.

"If you want I can call the OB demon over."

"No, I'm good."

"You sure?"  Xander nodded, but he was even paler.  "Uh-huh.  Stubborn is my thing, Xander."

"I'm allowed."

"You are but I want you healthy."  He drove him to the clinic and walked him inside.  The receptionist got the doctor immediately and they were let back into a room.  She came in to fuss over something and he saw something new.  "What's that below his navel?"

"How the baby's coming out," she said, looking at him. "It will have an opening with a small portal to allow the baby to exit without hurting him.  He'll still have to push but not much."  Sam nodded at that.  "Unless he prefers me to prepare one from his rectal column?"

"Ewww, no," Xander said weakly.  "Sam, dizzy."  Sam helped him lay down.  "Doc?"

She checked then healed a spot.  "Your stitches popped open again, Xander.  Quit doing that."  She patted him then left to see her next patient.

"Stitches?"

"When I fell in the Magic Box."

Sam saw the lie and stared down at him.  "Fell on what at the Magic Box?"

"My battle axe."

"Uh-huh.  Did the demon that pushed you die?"

"Buffy screamed and killed it," he sighed.  "I'm fine.  It was only three stitches."  He let him see.  "See, not bad."   Sam kissed it and Xander let out a small, hysterical sounding chuckle.  "You don't like injuries right?"

"No, Xander.  I don't.  A kiss is often used to help heal things."  He helped him up, supporting him until he quit feeling so dizzy.  "Better?"

"Better," he admitted.  "Thank you, Sam."

Sam tipped his face up to kiss him again.  "It's never a problem, Xander.  Remember that, okay?"  Xander nodded so they went back to Xander's place.  Sam went to the motel to put everything into his car for the next few nights but that was fine.   Even though Xander's place was really tiny.

***

Sam heard Xander shifting and moaning in his bedroom, frowning a little bit at the pained noises.  "Xander, are you all right?" he called quietly.  He knew the poor guy had some nightmares now and then, he didn't want to wake him if it was one of those.

"No, I'm fine and dandy," he called back in a squeaky 'been caught being naughty' voice.  "Really.  No worries in here with us two."

Sam smiled, going to stand in the doorway so he could look at him.  "All the books said it's normal to feel that way, Xander."

"So Anya said," he admitted, looking embarrassed.  "I can't reach it anymore."

"Want me to help?"  Xander went bright red so he walked in and laid down beside him, stroking down his chest and stomach to tease his cock.  "Like that?"  Xander nodded quickly.  "Harder, slower?  Faster?"

"More," he moaned, shifting his hips up some.  Sam kissed him, getting into pleasing his boy.  The moans were very pretty and Xander was arching his back to get him closer.

"Is that all you need?" he teased.

"No," he moaned.  "Please, Sam?"

"Anything you want, Xander."  He found stuff and looked down at him, smiling a bit.  "Want on your side?  It'll be more comfortable."  He helped him shift when he got an uneasy look.  He was even nice enough to put a pillow between his thighs. Then he got to work playing with his ass.  It was a nice ass and Xander was still making the nicest noises.  Sam knelt so he could do that and stroke him.  It was making Xander happier to do it that way.  He finally got him stretched enough and slid inside, moaning at the tightness he had left.  "Oh, tight," he moaned in his ear.  Xander shivered, shifting his hips back.  Sam adjusted his position a little bit, curling more around Xander's back, but one hand came over to stroke him while he gently thrust in and out of the tense body.  Xander was back to making the pretty begging noises and it was so very nice.  He let him come first, nibbling on his shoulder.  "Want another one or can you sleep for a while?" he asked in his ear.

"Did you?" Xander asked, sounding tired.

"I'll do it in a minute."

"You're not a sex toy, Sam."  Sam smiled, going back to what he was doing until he came.  Xander was halfway back to interested so Sam shifted over to gently suckle on him.  It was very nice.  Xander fell asleep after that orgasm.  Sam went back to curled around Xander's back, holding him while he slept.

***

Xander blushed when Sam came out of the bathroom the next morning dressed for work.  "Coffee?"  Sam took his cup and put it down, kissing him.  Xander moaned, leaning against his chest.  "What was that for?"

"The blush was adorable but we're still moving as fast or as slow as you want, Xander," he said gently, taking a second kiss before grabbing his coffee to go.  "See you later.  Call if you need stuff."  He waved then left a much happier man this morning.

Xander sat down, sipping his coffee.  Sam wasn't being pushy and that had been the most natural morning after he'd ever had.  He decided to do some mild cleaning in preparation for the move, starting in the bedroom.  He found the used condom's wrapper and smiled.  Sam was taking good care of him.  He tossed it out and checked what Anya had left for him to use.  Not that much.  He decided to make a pharmacy run as well.  It wouldn't be presumptive to stock up a little bit.  Right?  He ran into Joyce there and suddenly couldn't get what he wanted but she gave him a look and bluntly handed it over with a grin and a pinch to the cheek.  He squeaked.

"Xander, I remember that stage *very* well," she promised gently.  "It's what I remember most about being pregnant beyond the morning sickness.  Enjoy it.  In the eighth month you'll want to kill him if he does more than rub your feet and back."  She pinched him again then checked out.

He went to get his usual brand of condoms but otherwise he was done here.  He went home to reload the drawer then got to work on his closet.  Sam only had a small bag that he had brought up from the car.  That wasn't right to him.  He dug in it, hanging things up. That fit better.  After he was done with that he went to sweep and vacuum.  It was a nice day so he opened all the windows too.  He was barely done with the bathroom when Buffy came over to drag him down to the store.  "But I'm cleaning," he protested.

"That's called nesting, Xander, and we need approval of the baby shower gift list."

"Isn't that a girl thing?" he demanded.  Dean kicked him and he moaned, bending down to stop him.  "Dean, please?  I promise Sam'll be home soon.  Please quit kicking?"  He did it again.

Buffy got him down to Giles' car and they drove to the site.  She went to get Sam for him.  "Hi, Mr. Henderson.  Xander's having a bit of a problem so we need to let Sam see him to see if it's a real issue for his OB or not," she babbled as she walked past him.  "Sam!" she shouted.  He came down off the roof.  "Xander's in Giles' car."  She gave him a nudge but he was already running that way.  "We hope it's nothing, we really do," she told the boss as she walked past him again.  "If so you can have Sam back in a few minutes.  If not I'm sure the OB will send him back soon."  She got into the front, watching Sam talk to Xander's stomach and rub it gently.  "Can I help?"  Dean kicked again.  "Guess not.  Xander was busy cleaning and nesting."

"That's normal," Sam said calmly.  He finally got Dean calmed down.  "There we go.  It's all right, Dean.  What happened?"

"Buffy was talking about gift lists for the baby shower.  He didn't like that," Xander said, sounding miserable.

Sam smiled.  "He probably wanted more attention."  He petted his boy a few more times, watching him get interested from that.  He winked.  "Remember, we'll get to clean the new place this weekend."

"We got it?" Xander asked, getting help sitting up.  "We did?  You're sure?"

"He said so this morning.  That means you can clean both places and make the new one a proper nest for both of you."  He stroked his cheek.  "Still good?"  Xander beamed, nodding a bit.  "That's my boy."  He kissed him.  Dean kicked.  He looked down.  "Yay, put up with it, Dean."  He kissed him again.  "Tape, Xander."

"We can do the headphones around the belly thing," Buffy offered.

Sam grinned.  "He likes heavy metal.  Metallica is best but he likes Megadeath and AC/DC, most of the heavier metal bands except for Stryper really.  Anything heavier of classic rock too."

"Eww," she said.  "That's not baby music."

"No but it calms him down," Sam said wisely.

"Uh-huh.  We'll figure out something.  Can Xander come to the shop or should he lay down?"

"As long as he's comfortable," Sam said, looking at Xander, who was napping.  "Let him nap, Buffy."  She nodded, shifting so he could get out.  "Have a better afternoon, guys."  He watched them pull off and went back to work.  "The baby didn't like the idea of going over the baby shower stuff so he was trying to come out between the bottom two ribs.  Again."

Their boss snickered.  "Anything calm him down for sure?"

"Metallica."

"Good to know."

"I told them that, Buffy said it's not baby music."  He shrugged.  "She'll learn."  He got back to work.  "He was happy about the apartment too, boss.  Thanks."

"Welcome, Sam."   He shook his head, going to make a note about the baby's odd taste in music.

***

Willow set up the headset with some of Tara's music, watching as the baby wiggled and shifted inside Xander's stomach.  "See, he likes it," she said happily.  Xander groaned as he was kicked.  "He doesn't?" she pouted.

"Sam said Metallica, Willow.  Not new age instrumental stuff.  Tara!" he pleaded when he saw her.  She changed the CD to one of Spike's and it was better.  Dean only shifted a few times.  "Oh, thank the Goddess."  He went limp, looking down at his stomach.  "Thank Uncle Spike when you see him, okay?  That's his music, Dean."  He looked at the ladies, brushing the tears from the pain of the kicking off.  "Thank you, Tara."

"Welcome."  She got in her own pat of the tummy.  "There there, precious.  It's all right.  We'll get you other music today," she soothed.  The baby quit for a while and laid there listening to _London Calling_ while she drug Willow off to help her buy music.  Buffy still got a lullaby tape but that was fine.  It was on sale.  They raided the eighties metal section and nearly bought out the stuff on sale, bringing it back to the CD player and large headphones around the sleeping Xander's stomach.

Buffy looked.  "Should we turn up the music?  Dean's moving."

"No, babies are inside a water pouch.  It focuses the sound," Willow told her.  "There's been babies born deaf because the music was too loud.  A little lower than normal listening volume is fine."  She let Tara change the CD.  Dean gave one small kick, shifted onto his side by what they could see, and slept apparently because he didn't move for at least the next ten minutes that they watched.  "Okay, baby shower," Willow decided.  They sat at the table to go over what they'd need.

"Sam said they got a new place," Buffy told them.  "They're moving this weekend.  Xander was nesting earlier too."  They smiled at that, nodding a bit.  A bigger place meant more toys.

"Remember, ladies, he'll be aging one year a month after the first month," Giles warned.  "Don't go too happy over any particular size."  They nodded, paring back their plans but that meant they could work on later clothes that would be cuter and more fashionable.

"Sam's picture showed him in jeans, a t-shirt, and a leather jacket," Tara said quietly.

"So he dressed like Spike?" Willow asked.

"With preppy boy hair," Xander said tiredly.  "Sam has most of his stuff in the trunk."  He shifted onto his side and went back to sleep on the coffeetable.  The couch was hurting his back too often to sleep on it like this.

"We can fix that so he looks like a normal, California guy," Buffy decided.  "Without letting Xander dress the poor kid."  They nodded, making plans to go shopping now.  "How long should he be in diapers?"

"Two or three years," Tara said.

Willow found a baby care website that had a diaper calculator, letting her figure up how many she'd use in a week and then they could spread it over the years' worth they'd need.  Joyce had said she'd let the boys use Buffy's old crib and Willow had some good baby blankets from when she was younger that her parents had packed and never looked at again.

Buffy called Sam.  "It's us.  Do we need to get a teddy bear or anything?"  She smiled, writing that down.  "Thanks, Sam.  Napping."  She hung up.  "He used to have a blue bear with a brown bow."  They nodded, taking their parts of the list to go shopping for their future little nephew.  Giles got his list and would go later that night.  It was nice of the girls to remember he had to buy things too.  He heard the CD player click off and went to change CD's, struggling with the plastic for a second.  The baby shifted.  "Shh, Dean.  Let me change the music out," he soothed, stroking gently over the lump.  He finally got it open with his pocket knife then switched out the CD, turning it back on.  He had to turn down the volume a bit but that was fine.  Xander continued to sleep on the coffeetable.  All the customers in the store gave him pleased looks.  "He's a bit exhausted with all that's been going on."

"He's adorable," one woman said.  "Even if he is a bit heavy at the moment."

"A medical condition.  It'll be better in a little bit."  She nodded, paying for her things then leaving.

***

Xander sniffled, looking around the new apartment.  "I'm happy, I really am," he said, wiping at his cheeks so Sam wouldn't see.

Sam gave him a cuddle. "It's the hormones, Xander," he said gently.  "They're making you do it.  Nothing wrong with it."  Xander nodded, turning to cuddle him and cry on his shoulder.  "Shhh, I've got you.  It's all good."  He sat them down, letting Xander sit in his lap for now.  Dean wasn't being a butt about the mood swings so that was nice but he had a good, long music binge earlier to keep him calmed down.  Xander fell asleep on him, earning a smile.  Sam gently shifted him onto the couch and went to get the rest of their stuff from the cars, carrying it upstairs.  The closets were filled again.  The kitchen was filled.  All that was left were the weapons.  Xander started awake, earning a smile.  "Dream?"

"Small nudge to the bladder."  He got up, heading for the bathroom.  "Do you realize I picked somewhere with the only bathroom downstairs from the bedroom?" he said before closing the door.  Sam was snickering.  He knew he was.  It was a good laugh though.  He came out to look around.  "Anything left?"

"Weapons, cleaning.  Last check while cleaning."  Xander nodded, going to do that.  He liked to clean.  Now.  He hated to clean usually but he liked to clean now.  While he was gone Sam was making a grocery list until he got visitors.  He smiled at the girls and their boxes.  "Did you bring the weapons?"

"No," Buffy said, pinching him on the chest.  "Baby stuff."

"Okay.  The room down here, ladies."  He let them see, getting smiles for the light, airy, open room without a fire escape attached so nothing could climb up it to get the baby.  They settled in to set back up the crib under Joyce's watchful look.  Sam ran out for groceries, still beating Xander back.  By the time Xander got there he had made him homemade spaghetti-o's.  Plus stuff for the girls to nibble.  He sat Xander down, going to carry the weapons, earning a smile for the bowl of food.  The last of them got put into that little closet then Sam made sure both cars were locked.  It was nearly dark, they had to be a bit more careful.  He came back up the stairs, locking the door behind him.  "Both cars are locked, Xander."  He took a kiss.  "The girls are putting up the crib."  He helped Xander off the couch, taking the half-full bowl to put onto the counter.  They went to check on them, finding things nearly together.  Willow was making up the crib bed.  Tara was stacking the clothes and diapers by size.  Joyce was fussing with the curtains and throw rugs.  Buffy was staring in the closet frowning.  "What's wrong with the closet, Buffy?"

"There's guns in here."

"Ours," Sam agreed.  "We've had a few of those since I was six."  She gave him a look and so did Joyce.  "Our father taught us how to hunt from a really young age."  He let Xander past him, watching as he looked at everything and cuddled the bear, smiling at them.  They had gotten one nearly exactly like Dean's old one.  His boy started to sniffle and the girls sniffled back, moving to hug him.  Dean didn't like the girl pile but Buffy patted him a few times and he quit.  "Thank you, ladies.  I think that's a happy crying."  Xander nodded.  "I made stuff to nibble on."  They came out to nibble, watching Xander eat the rest of his special dinner.  Sam snuggled up with him and it was nice.  No one did more than give him happy smiles for finally getting to this stage with Xander.  Buffy called Giles so he came over to join them with his part of the baby gear, making Xander sniffle again before hugging him.  Dean did protest that but oh well.  A few belly rubs and he went back to sleep.  Babies didn't get to make that rule.

***

The time came when it always does and the baby decides its had enough.  Dean chose a nice enough night.  It was pouring rain.  It was a horrible thunderstorm.  The healer was on the other side of town if she was at the clinic, or another ten miles past that if she wasn't, and Xander was in enough pain that he couldn't walk.  Sam carried him down to the car, getting him into the passenger's seat.  He jogged around to drive them off, praying silently that the doctor was at the clinic.  Of course, she wasn't.  She was with her clan.  They got directions and headed out.  All the way to the caves through a lot of mud.  Sam took Xander's hand to hold.  "The Impala has gotten a lot of Winchesters to the hospital in time, Xander.  It'll get the one I brought into the family and the one you carry there too."  Xander nodded, curling up in a little ball with his head on Sam's thigh, trying to control the pain.  "Is the flap on your stomach open?  She said it should be."

"I can't see that far down," he panted.

"Okay."  He pulled through another muddy field and finally found the caves, honking until someone came out.  "Doctor Krkeld's patient is in labor," he called.  The demon ran back inside and their doc came out.  "He's in a lot of pain, doc."

"No painkillers.  Will interfere," she ordered, helping him carry Xander inside.

He ran back to make sure the car was closed up - Dean would never forgive him if it got water damage - then ran back inside.  He wiggled his way inside the circle, sitting beside Xander's head.  He was on a low stone altar looking rock.  The entire clan was bending around him to help him through this.  He took Xander's hand, giving it a squeeze.  "I'm here, babe."

Xander rolled his head to look at him.  "Babe?"

He grinned.  "If this isn't a time for pet names I don't know what is."

"You might be right," he said, tensing up as another one started.

"Breathe," Sam coached, helping him with the exercises Tara had found them.  Xander nodded, following along.

Their doctor looked up.  "The portal is nearly open.  When his water comes he can push.  We will help where we can."  Sam nodded, focusing on Xander, helping him to the point where he got to push and then helping him push until he heard the squishy, sucking noise that meant the baby was out.  He took the baby once it was free, trimming the umbilical cord with his pocket knife.  He took the squeezy ball to clear his airway, puffing a gentle breath into his mouth.  Dean let out a wail of protest.  "I know, it's dark, cold, and I had pepperoni for dinner," he soothed, taking off his shirt to wrap him in it.  "Shh, Dean, it's all right.  It's Sammy."

"Do I get to call you that too?" Xander asked quietly.

Sam grinned at him.  "From you I might not protest the way I do when he does it."  He took a kiss.  "Here, our boy."  He let him have the baby to hold.  He looked at his stomach.  It was seriously deflated.  "Why isn't the flap closing?"

"Anyone who does the spell is marked," another of the clan told him.  "Even as you have one but it never opened."  She smirked. "Unless an egg is planted and fertilized or a full embryo planted, it will not be used."  They got Xander cleaned up and let them rest together.  It had been a good teaching experience for the younger doctors.  They went to talk about it and teach what they needed to know in such cases.

Sam leaned down to kiss Xander.  "You good?"

"Bit tired," he said, yawning.  "He's a lot of work.  You were right, he's stubborn."

Sam grinned.  "You're more stubborn than both of us, Xander."

Xander nodded with a faint smile.  "Probably true.  Hold him?"  Sam nodded, settling in beside him to guard him and the baby while he slept.  He woke up in the car, smiling because they were moving and Dean's favorite tape was playing.  "I slept through carrying my big, heavy ass?"

"You almost woke up," Sam teased.  "Having a baby is hard work, Xander."  He stroked over his cheek.  "We're almost home.  Another three blocks."  Xander nodded, resting, looking back at the sleeping baby.  "He's been good.  Slept through most of it.  He gave me a dirty look when I put on his diaper."  He parked in his spot and got out, coming around to help Xander out, letting him have the baby.  He hovered protectively all the way up the stairs and until the baby was in his new crib.  Dean yawned and fell back asleep again once he was settled.  Sam grinned at him. "He's very comfortable."

"It stood up to Buffy, it'll stand up to him."  He smiled.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome."  He gave him a kiss but Xander backed off.  "I know you feel nasty, Xander.  The same rules apply.  Whenever you're ready you'll tell me."  That got a nod.  "When did you want to schedule his circumcision?"

"I don't."  Sam stared, looking confused.  "I think it's a horrible torture put on men for the ease of cleaning them.  The studies say it robs them of feeling.  Men who're cut get less sex too.  Willow said it's just as evil as female circumcision and mostly done for the same sort of reasons - to keep people from enjoying sex as much and to control how they are.  To make everyone like barbies and kens."

"They only take off the foreskin, Xander.  We're both cut."

"I know and I miss mine."

"Okay, we'll talk about it next week?"

Xander shook his head, walking off going to bed.  "Nope.  Not talking about it."

"Sure," Sam said, shrugging mentally.  This wasn't the war he wanted to have.  As far as he knew it didn't really matter.  Though he wanted to look at those studies.  They sounded about as good as the ones that said men who weren't cut got more STD's and AIDS.  He wasn't sure any of them were right since the old studies saying men who weren't cut were more prone to diseases and cancer were all proved false decades ago.  Besides, they had plenty of fights coming up about how to train Dean to be the hunter he used to be.  He smiled down at the baby.  Dean burped but stayed asleep.  Sam went upstairs after making sure everywhere was locked as tightly as could be.  He'd have to call off work soon but the boss had expected it sometime soon.

***

Buffy squealed when they walked into the shop.  "There's my shopping buddy," she said, taking Dean to hold.

"Probably not," Sam told her.  "He was an in-and-out guy before."

"Me too," Xander agreed, sitting down with a moan of pain.  "Never do it through the belly flap, Buffy.  You don't get the good drugs."  He took the baby back.  "Do you like your Auntie Buffy?  I know she squeals but that's just a Buffy for you."  The baby blinked at him then sucked his pacifier a few times.  "Good boy, Dean."  He settled him in his lap, letting the girls come over to pay homage to him.

Sam smoothed down the baby fur on Dean's head, smiling down at him.  "I know, they're all beautiful women, Dean.  They'll mother you horribly until you run away screaming and then Willow will hunt you down, send Buffy to retrieve you, and let Tara change your mind."  Willow snickered but nodded.  Xander wouldn't let go of the baby when she tried.  "Xander."

"Mine.  Greedy.  Have your own."

She pouted.  "I want to hold him."

"You hold him and he needs changed, you do it," he warned.  She shrugged and took the baby.

"That's so mean," Sam said dryly.

Xander beamed.  "After the one we changed last night?  So?  One less I have to."  The girls all snickered.  Sam too.  Sam had seen it though and the girls could only give it disgusted looks when it happened.  Tara cleaned him gently enough before rediapering him but she was going to be his favorite auntie anyway.  She baked cookies and Dean had a sweet tooth.

Buffy handed over a present.  "It's very practical, it's adjustable so it'll work for a few months, and when it won't, you can sell it back to the consignment shop, where we got it from," she said proudly.

Xander opened the backpack snuggler system.  "Aww, now he can go on patrol with us," Sam said happily.  "Thanks, Buffy."

She put her hands on her hips, staring at him.  "Oh no he can not!  There's no patrolling in this town until you are at least sixteen, Mister Hunter.  No one, and I do mean no one, hunts before sixteen.  I was called at fifteen but I was special case and only had three weeks here before my sixteenth birthday.  He's not hunting until then either.  He can train, he can learn new stuff, but he's not to go on a hunt until he's sixteen.  That's for going shopping and out to dinners and stuff so you can continue to spoil Xander.  He is your baby's momma after all."  She turned around and went back to the baby.  She took him from Willow so she could sit and cuddle the sleepy one.  He fell asleep on her chest, making her make gooey faces at him.  Since he couldn't kick Xander anymore they could be mushy and girl-like around him.  At least until he screamed and wailed loud enough to bring help.

Xander looked at Sam.  "That is the local rule," he said quietly.  "We all started when we were sixteen."

Sam nodded slowly.  "Dean killed his first demon at seven.  I did mine at nine."

Xander shrugged.  "If they break in or attack him that's one thing.  To actually go hunting it's sixteen.  Or else they'll kill us and raise him."  Tara looked over and nodded.  "See?"

"You don't have a problem with him training?"

Buffy snorted.  "Babies learn a lot of stuff easier than adults.  He can go to baby self- defense and baby karate and baby judo if you want."

"Plus baby Spanish and Latin and Sumerian and Egyptian," Willow said excitedly. "I can teach him those."

"We both knew Latin," Sam admitted. "You read Sumerian?"

"Yeah, don't you?" Xander quipped.  "I read three demon languages, Sam.  Half the books around here are in strange languages and usually the one thing we need is in them.  Giles did a spell," he said at the awed look.

"I wouldn't mind having that one done on me," Sam said, looking at Giles, who shrugged.  "Thanks, Mr. Giles."  He took the baby back, getting a happier look.  "Want to nap?"  The baby yawned so he stuck his binky back into his mouth.  Tara stole him again and let him nap on her lap.  He smiled.  "Sure, Tara.  You're a good auntie too."

"Since we're babysitting you two can do couply things," Buffy said.  She made shooing noises.  "Go.  Shoo.  Do couply cute stuff."

"Buffy, sore," Xander reminded her.  "Just had a baby.  Sex is gonna wait until I'm not sore.  Even gentle touching is out until I'm not sore."

"That doesn't mean he can't take you to dinner," Willow said, staring at Sam.

He got the point, helping Xander up.  "Sure, we'll have dinner and you three can change diapers," he agreed.  They walked out together, smiling at each other.  "I thought you said she didn't have the redhead temper."

"She doesn't usually but she hasn't been able to take Tara out for snuggly time.  Too much homework."

"I remember those months."  He got Xander into the car and walked around to drive, taking them to a nice, modest place to eat.  It was nice and Xander quit worrying for a bit.  Sam wasn't sure how to make him quit worrying for good.  There was no way he could reassure him that he wasn't going to take Dean away from him and run away in the middle of the night without showing it to him and that would take time.  He kissed the back of his hand.  "We'll be great parents," he reminded him.

Xander smiled.  "I can't be any worse than mine."  He looked around and coughed.  "Speaking of, my uncle's across the room with his whore."  Sam looked and grimaced but shrugged it off.  He was even nice enough to order him real food - a steak to replace all the blood and fluids he had lost in the labor.  Sam got the fish and it was nice.  A good date.  Sam's phone rang, making him snicker at the text message.   "Yes, they do that every few hours," he agreed.

"Or more often," Sam agreed happily.  "That's two we don't have to change."

"We only have him being cuddly for this first month then the accelerated growth will kick in," Xander said.  "I'll miss him being cuddly and comfy to nap with."

"He'll still be cuddly for a few years yet," Sam promised with a smile.  Xander nodded, digging in when their salads came.  He saw someone coming over and sighed.  "Xander, incoming," he said softly.

Xander looked at his uncle then went back to cutting his steak.  "Yeah, Uncle Rory?"

"Special date?" he sneered.

"Celebrating the birth of our son," Sam told him, staring at him.  "His aunts are babysitting and keeping Anya from warping him."  He ate a bite of his dinner.  Xander was giving him a look.  "Tell me she won't."

"No, she will," Xander admitted.  "He'll learn to appreciate her outlook.  She's got a lot of knowledge if you know what to ask."

"I figured she did.  With her former job she had to know most of them at least by name."  Xander nodded, grinning some.  "Are we going to let Spike babysit?"

"If he asks, I'll think about it."  He ate another bite, then looked at his uncle again, waving at him.  "Have a good night, Uncle Rory."  His uncle stomped off, still sneering.  "That'll be a problem."

"Not really," Sam said dryly.  Xander gave him an odd look.  "The thing with him was a fire demon," he said quietly.

"Aw, shit," Xander sighed, calling Buffy.  "It's me.  Caught Uncle Rory out with a fire thing.  Yeah, him.  Thanks.  Fair warning, yeah.  Steak," he said proudly.  He fed Sam a bite.  "Night.  Two hours, yup."   He hung up.  "We have two hours or Spike's babysitting while they're on patrol."

"We can eat in that amount of time," Sam promised, feeding him a bite of his own dinner, getting a smile and a small blush back.  "You need the steak, Xander."

"Can I want to never do that again?" Xander asked a few bites later.

"If you do or don't, you'll tell me," Sam promised.  "Not like we won't have to go beg for eggs anyway.  It can't happen accidentally without magical intervention."

"Good point," he agreed, relaxing again.   Another text message hit Sam's phone, making Xander moan.  "Why is he trying to eat Tara?"

"He's probably trying to eat off Tara," he said wisely.  Xander gave him a horrified look.  "It's a natural urge, even if he is being bottle fed, Xander.  Relax.  She's probably not offended."

"No, she'd probably offer to do it for him," he admitted quietly, eating again.  "Are you creeped out?"

"A bit.  That whole 'my brother' thing is doing it to me though."  Xander squeezed his hand.  "Thanks, Xan.  Eat?  Please?  You worry me when you don't eat."  Xander dug in again, making him happier.

***

Xander walked into the Magic Box first, Sam was checking the oil level since the light had come on during their drive back.

"Who has a horsey belly?  Dean has a horsey belly.  We should feed him oats, yes we should," a female voice sang.  "We should feed him oats until he fills up his horsey belly and then explodes to turn back into a little boy.  Yes we should."

Xander grabbed a stake.  He knew that voice.  He walked into the back area, looking at the vampire playing with his son. "Dru?"  She smiled at him.  "Give me my son now and I'll only stake you a bit."

"He's adorable.  The stars sing about this one's strength."

"Sam, get Spike! Dru's here!" he shouted when he heard the door open.  He heard someone go running.  "Dru, give me my damn son before I kill your bitch ass," he growled, stepping closer, stake in one fist.  "Now!"  She pouted.  "Right the hell now, Druscilla."

"But he's adorable!" she cooed, nuzzling cheeks with him.   "The daddy would be very happy with him."  Xander punched her with the fist holding the stake, taking his son as he withdrew.  He checked him over, no bite marks.  "Poo," she complained, standing up.  "I was being nice to him.  Not the least bit mean because I know he's not a picnic snack.  I should be mean to you for doing that."  Sam rushed in and she giggled.  "There he is, the one who botched it all up for the stars to sing about."  Sam growled, taking Xander's stake.  "Now now.  You do that and the Powers get very upset.  So will Daddy, their Champion, and Spike, the future one."

Spike came rushing in the back door, dragging her off.  "What are you doing here!" he demanded.  "You know it's not allowed!"

"Daddy sent me with the pretty song from the stars about his special destiny to destroy the great one next year," she complained as she was dragged off.

"Bring her to Buffy, Spike," Xander called, cuddling the baby.  "No bite marks," he said quietly.

"You can't stake her?" Sam demanded.

Xander looked at him.  "She's a seer, she's insane, she's insane thanks to Angelus, but she sired Spike.  She shows up with cryptic messages from the Powers now and then for Spike.  If we do, we have to put up with Angel.  Besides, I don't want wailed at.  All she was doing was bouncing him on her knee or else she'd already be dust.  I did get to hit her."  Spike stomped in so he kicked him in the knee.  "Do not even *think* about screaming at me for punching her!  She had the baby!"

Spike growled.  "She's mine, Harris.  You leave her be!"

"No shit, I'd never date her," he shot back.  "Take your looney bitch and do a catch and release on the edge of town!  Before I warn Buffy she's back myself!"  Spike huffed off again.  He calmed himself, walking the baby back to the front of the store.  He found Buffy walking in looking confused.  "Dru."  She ran out the back way to make sure she got escorted out of town.  He looked at Willow and Tara.  "Who was watching him?"

"Um, Anya," Willow said.  "Anya!" she called.  They went to look for her.  Not in the shop anywhere.

"Okay," Xander decided, sitting down with the baby.  He looked at the still furious Sam.  "I'm sure you've had buddies that've had insane girlfriends that show up now and then.  Like staking Spike, the consequences are too high.  We refer her back to Angel and Spike so they take care of the problem they created."

"I'll do a warding and protection amulet," Willow said, moving to get the stuff.  "That way all vamps have to stay away from him, Xander."  He nodded at that.  Tara rushed off to help.

Xander settled in to hold their son.  "He's not damaged.  She was singing some song about horsey bellies and feeding him oats until he exploded."

"He might be cackling in his head about that but she's still dangerous!"

Buffy stomped back in.  "Xander, did you hit Dru?"

"She had the fucking baby, Buffy; yes I did!" he shot back.  She gaped.  "Any other questions?"  She stomped off again.  He waved a hand for Sam's benefit.  "I have to go with the team leader's opinion in this matter.  She's higher ranking so I don't get to countermand orders."  He found the shop's phone and dialed Cordelia's phone from memory.  "It's me.  My son's wonderful but you can tell Angel I hit his little girl for bouncing the baby on her knee."  He hung up and went back to let Willow finish the protection on the amulet for him.

Willow slumped down under Sam's glare.  "Anya said she could handle it and there was screaming up the street," she defended.  "She said she could handle it for ten minutes, Sam."

"It will not happen again," Xander said, staring at his ladies.  They both nodded and got back to work.  The amulet was finally finished and put on Dean's neck, making him a happier baby.  "Thank you.  We're going to bathe off the Dru stench.  Later, ladies."  He walked out, Sam following him.  They could fight later, once the baby was down.  Sam opened his mouth.  "I will not fight in front of the son, Sam.  That's a soul-sucking thing to have start at his age.  Am I clear?"  He nodded at that, pressing his lips together.  "If you want to yell, yell at them.  I've been overruled on that matter in the past.  Trust me, if he had so much as a hair out of place I would've gotten her this time."  He slid into the car, checking the baby again.

Sam calmed himself before he got into the car.  He could scream and rant later, to Bobby.   Maybe another hunter could take her out for them.  The town's rules were sometimes arbitrary but he did understand the analogy about crazy ex-girlfriends.  Dean had one of those when he was younger that wouldn't leave him alone.  Their father had moved them because of it.  They got Dean bathed and down to nap for a while then he pulled him out onto the balcony.  "What other uses does she possess besides being a seer?"

"She keeps Spike in pain, keeps Angel brooding so he doesn't lose his soul.  Taunts him all the time.  I'm sure she came here with a message since she said Angel sent her."  He called Buffy's phone, getting her voicemail.  "If there's a prophecy, we should hear it too, Buffy Summers."  He hung up and called the shop.  "Well?" he asked Giles. "She said Angel sent her with a message, Giles.  Do we have one?  Because she was still bouncing my son on her knee, Giles.  Really?  And if he was your son?"  He smirked at the spluttering.  "No more dangerous things around the baby.  Buffy set her foot down about patrols earlier.  I'm going to set mine down about this.  The only dangerous thing around him had better be Willow and Spike.  Now, where's Anya?  Ah, out for coffee."  He handed Sam the phone.  "Here, you scream.  I'm exhausted."  He went to check on the baby, laying down in there beside the crib, just in case.

Sam finished his tirade and hung up twenty-six minutes later, going to check on them.  He smiled at Dean sleeping.  Xander sleeping was nearly as cute.  He nudged his foot with his toe.  "Hey," he said when Xander blinked at him.  "There's a bed upstairs, Xander.  If we have to set a watch, I'll stay up then wake you."  Xander nodded, heading up to bed.  Sam sat down in there, getting one of the shotguns out of the closet to clean and make sure it worked, just in case.  He smiled when the baby woke up, yawned, then went back to sleep after a few sucks on the pacifier.  Someone knocked a few hours later so he got up to answer it, with the shotgun, finding Buffy on the other side.  "Do we have a prophecy?"

"Yeah," she admitted, walking inside.  She looked at the gun.  "Aren't those unsafe around babies?"

"Dean's had this one since he was ten, Buffy.  It's in my hands, not his."  He stared down at her.  "Well?"

"Apparently the big, bad thing that his birth stopped wasn't fully stopped so we'll have to step in.  We'll need Xander to plan a simple assault for us next month."

"Ask me yourself," Xander called, coming out of the bedroom in his boxers.  She looked at him.  "What?"

"The stomach thingy isn't closed."

"It's not going to close," he said patiently.  "And?"  She kept staring so he bopped her on the forehead.  "And?  What am I planning for?"

She swallowed.  "Minor assault from a demon clan war.  The Initiative started the fight by nearly wiping out both clans.  Now they're struggling for power since they don't believe the military did it.  It won't close?"

"No, it won't close," Sam said.  "Where I was going to be the vessel I have one but it's never fully opened."

"Oh.  Interesting."  She blinked a few more times.  Xander took Sam's t-shirt off him and put it on.  "Um, cute belly fur, Sam."  Xander growled.  She backed up.  She knew that sound.  "Okay, anyway.  It'll be a small demon war.  It'll be out in the woods.  Um... you really do have one."

"Are we refereeing, stepping in, or standing back and watching?" Xander asked less patiently.

"If I'm there they'll feel me and attack us then attack each other," she said, blinking at him.  "Doesn't that hurt?"

"Labor hurt.  He came out through that same flap," he told her.  "The same as it hurts you guys."  She nodded, stepping back.  The look in his eyes said the growl was going to come back soon.  "Anything else I have to know before tomorrow?"

"She said she's sorry she upset you.  Spike's still growling because you hit her."

"She's a vampire, even with skills she can be staked," Sam told her.

She grimaced. "She's Spike's true love.  If we do, Angel and Spike will go bat-crap and battier.  Since one's the Power's champion and the other's killed two slayers we decided it was better to drive her off whenever she came up to try to claim Xander again."  She left when Xander started to growl again, jogging all the way back to the Magic Box and safety.  "Giles, did you know the belly flap didn't close and Sam has one?  Plus some nice belly and chest fur?"

"No, Buffy, I don't usually look at young men's chests," he said dryly.  "Perhaps you should quit before Xander's latent hyena taint comes up and eats you?"

"Yeah, I probably should.  He was just growling.  I told him though, I get the gold star for that."

"Yes you do," he agreed patiently. "Head home."  She nodded, taking the back ways so Xander definitely wouldn't catch her.

***

Sam looked at Xander once the door was closed.  "The insane vampire likes you?"

"She calls me her dark kitten and thinks I'll make a good brother for Spike.  She's tried a few times.  Notice the pulse?"  He walked off, tossing the t-shirt back at him. "Thanks for the loan so she quit staring at mine."

"Um, yeah."  He watched him go then went up once the door was locked again.  "Why were you growling?"

Xander stared at him.  "Leftover hyena taint."  Sam gaped, sitting on the foot of the bed.  "Back in tenth grade I was possessed by the pack leader.  She's a bit pissed when people try to take some of her pack from her."

"Oh," he said weakly.  "They couldn't remove it?"  Xander shook his head.  "Did we do an exorcism?"

"Giles did."

"Huh.  I can try one if you want.  I'm good with them," he said at the look he got.

"I've learned to live with her and the soldier, Sam.  It's like they're my other halves, or my twins or something.  They're comfortable and they give me the edge to keep up with Buffy even when she's on the mega-fast patrols so she can go on a date."

"Xander, I've watched you.  You're good.  Not great, there's stuff you could still use some training in, but you're already really good.  Why do you need the taint?"

"Because I do," he said patiently.  "The same way you need your visions."

"Oh."  He laid down next to him.  "I guess that makes sense.  You still don't need it.  I've wanted to do a bit of refining on your hand-to-hand but you're already really good.  Nearly as good as most of the hunters in our circle."

"I've been doing this for five years, Sam," he said dryly.  "I'd better be good by now."

Sam looked at him.  "No one taught you?"  Xander shook his head. "Then you're really good for not having been taught.  I had hand-to-hand drilled into me from the time I could walk.  For not having anyone teach you you're really, really good."

Xander grinned.  "Flattery won't get you sex any sooner, Sam."

"Not expected, it's still the truth."  Xander beamed at that.  Dean fussed.  "Of course his stomach would wake him up," he said, going down there.  He brought the baby and the bottle up to put him between them.  "There, that way we can both feed your greedy stomach."

"He's got to grow a lot, Sam.  He needs it."  He stroked the baby's stomach while Sam held the bottle.  Dean pulled back to pant a few times then went back to gobbling food.  He looked over at his boyfriend.  "If we can't trust them to babysit, how are we going to do that?"

Sam shrugged.  "I don't know but you've still got four weeks of leave left to heal and rest."

"So I get to be a stay-at-home mom?" he teased.

"If you want.  Or we could let Tara watch him.  She doesn't seem to have too many classes this semester."

"One of her teachers got eaten and the other's a research class.  I guess I could like that.  I'm sure Willow will help since she realizes I'm going to kill her if it happens again."

Sam smirked.  "Buffy did look scared when you growled."

Xander took a kiss. "That's because the rest of my pack ate the old principal at the high school.  I went to check her for pack inclusion."  Sam gaped, dropping the bottle.  Xander grinned and nodded.  "I only ate the school mascot, a pig, but they ate the principal.  Which caused us *no* end of problems when the VP took over.  The little toad was power hungry and a little, short bastard with Frenchman syndrome."

"Napoleon complex?" Sam suggested.

"That's what I said."  He smirked.  "Then again, he's the reason I have the soldier.  He forced us to go out as chaperones for trick-or-treating kids on halloween that one year.  He forced us to go in costume.  The only costume shop in town belonged to a chaos sorcerer who turned us into whatever our costumes that we bought from him were.  Buffy turned into a seventeenth century fainting girl. I turned into PFC Harris.  Willow turned into a ghost.  The kids turned into demons and gobilns and witches and ran around like they were on world-destruction crack.  I think that's one of the few times I've managed to beat Spike off Buffy actually."  He beamed.  "So they're necessary.  That's how I plan and things."

Sam stroked his face.  "You still don't need them.  You're better than the taint gave you, Xander.  Even if you started out using it, you've learned more than they gave you."  Dean chose that minute to lay a diaper that stunk even while he was laying it.  He looked down.  "What?  Too mushy for you?" he asked dryly.  He picked him up and carried him down to the bathroom to bathe and change.  There was no way wet wipes were handling it this time.  "Keep it up, I'm letting Buffy change these because she stared at Xander's chest."  His brother peed at that suggestion. "Sure, you can do that on her," he agreed happily.  He finished cleaning him up, being sure to clean under the little foreskin.  "That good with you?" he whispered.  "We can have it removed if it's not."

"No we're not," Xander called.  "We're not maiming him and decreasing his future enjoyment.  And damn it did I just sound like Anya."

Sam snickered, nearly dropping the baby into the sink again.

***

Giles looked at the baby he got handed as Sam ran in then ran back out again.  "Well, hello, Dean.  What's going on?"  Someone outside screamed.  "Ah, Sunnydale issues."  He went to look with the baby, nodding at what they were doing.  He opened the door.  "The vulnerable part is under the left armpit.  That's where the heart is, Samuel."  He closed the door and took the baby back to read some ancient Watcher's journal to him.  It put him to sleep too, so it wasn't just him.  Sam came in and headed for the bathroom.  "The blue box under the sink.  It removes slime from people and clothes."

"Good to know.  Thanks."  He shut the door.  "Let Buffy change diapers for staring at Xander's naked chest."

"Of course I shall," he agreed, smiling at the precious young one.   Tara walked in and squealed, making Dean start awake before she could grab him.  "Do be careful and gentle, Tara."

"You hush!  I'd never hurt the baby, Giles!"  She sat down to cuddle him, not minding in the least when he tried to nurse off her again.  "They still don't work, Dean.  Sorry, snookums."

Xander strolled in wiping off his blade.  "Left armpit, Sam.  Theirs, not yours."  He looked at Giles, handing off the sword.  "Dead.  Slime eating box?"

"In there with him."

Xander went to steal the box of slime remover, going to sprinkle it over the body.  It ate through it and left the street shiny and clean.  He grinned as he handed it back.  "Two tablespoons per load of cold water laundry, Sam."  He gave him a pat then went back inside.

"I stabbed under both left armpits," he complained, following him.

"It's under the bottom one angled up toward the top one," Xander said.  "You probably went straight or just below it."  He grinned.  "It happened to all of us at least once.  Tara, why is our son trying to nurse?"

"It's a natural reflex with how he used to covet them," Sam said dryly.  He went to finish cleaning up, then came out to repossess the baby.  "We wanted to know if you wanted to babysit when we're at work.  Xander has four weeks before he can go back but after that we'll need someone."

She blinked then nodded, hugging him and the baby.  "I'd enjoy that.  The hours I can't can Buffy and Willow?"

"As long as they straighten up and never leave the baby alone again," Xander said firmly.

"It was an accident, Xander.  We won't let Anya babysit again."

"Oh, Anya knows what she did wrong," Xander assured her.  "We've already had a talk."

"Is that why she's walking funny?" she asked archly.

"Not that sort of talk," he said, giving her a look.  "Unlike her, I don't screw around. I learned my lesson the one time."  He sat down, stealing the baby, getting a long look. "Yes, it's me again," he said dryly.  "You have to put up with me, Dean.  I gave birth to your tiny butt."  Dean fussed at that.  "Tough, suck it up, kiddo.  Life's full of shit, just ask Robin Williams."  Sam walked off shaking his head.  He put the baby on his shoulder, patting him on the back gently.  He got a small burp but a sleepier baby.  "Thanks, Dean.  Sam, did you file his birth certificate?"

"Yup.  I heard from Bobby too.  They finally identified his old body."  He shrugged.  "So that takes care of the Feds looking for us."  Everyone stared at him.  "There was a identity theft demon...."

Xander held up a hand.  "Don't.  I don't want to know.  As long as they don't break in the door to arrest you in the middle of the night and get us too."  Sam shook his head.  "Good."  He looked at the baby.  "That good with you?"  He let out a small fuss. "More music later, kiddo. None here."  Tara bounced over to get his stomach system.  "I think the headphones are too big," he said.  She adjusted them to their smallest size, checking the volume before laying Dean down in a comfortable chair and putting them next to his head.  The baby squealed and cooed, liking that.

"We love you too, Dean," she said, patting his belly.  She bounced back over, grinning at Xander.

"Did you eat springs?" he teased.

"Yup."

"Was the spring named Willow?" Sam teased.

She blushed.  "Good girls don't talk about that."

"You're right, they don't.  I'm sorry to embarrass you, Tara."

"I'm not.  Was she good?" Xander asked.

"Xander!" Giles shouted.

He shrugged.  "What?"  She swatted him with a scowl.  He smirked at her.  "Enquiring minds and all that."

Buffy strolled in.  "Morning my slayerettes.  How are my crew today?  Sam, aren't you supposed to work?"

"Not until Monday.  We just finished a job so I've got this week off," he said happily.  He pointed at the baby.  "Don't take his music."

"Of course not," she cooed, coming over to play with his belly.  He was too young to stop her.  He could try to stop her later, when he was older and a meany like Xander. "What're we doing in?"

"The thing with four arms," Xander said dryly.

"Eww.   It dead?  I don't need slime today.  I look too cute for that and this is a new outfit."

"It's dead," Sam promised.  She beamed at him.  "I tried, Xander killed it."

"Good, he did finally learn how to stab the thing."

"Told you we had all done it," Xander told him.  He nudged Tara, nodding at the baby.  She giggled.

Buffy wrinkled her nose.  "Eww, Dean.  What is that?"  She backed away.

"You had custody when he laid it, go for it," Xander said happily.

"Just because I stared at Sam's belly fur," she started.   The baby let out a wail of misery.  "Come on, guys!  You're the parents!"

"I told you the first time you held him, Buffy.  If you have possession when he needs a change,  you're doing it."

She pouted but took the diaper bag from Xander's side and went to the bathroom to change him.  "EWWWWWWWW!" floated out a minute later.  "What is that!  There's no way that's crap!  AAHHHHHHHHHHH!  Giles!  He peed on me!" she wailed.

Sam snickered all the way to the bathroom, losing it before he knocked and walked in.  "Clean in the other direction, Buffy.  It's sticky."

She let him have it so she could go change and throw those clothes in the washer.  Her mother caught her. "Slime is nicer," she pouted.  "The baby laid a really nasty, sticky load that wouldn't come off then he peed on me," she sulked, going downstairs to shower and put stuff in to soak.  She came back up in jogging pants and a t-shirt.  "All because I stared at Xander and Sam's belly fur.  Mom!  Make them let me cuddle the baby without diapers?  He's their kid, they should change them."

"If you're babysitting and the baby needs changed, you have to do it, Buffy," she said patiently.  "The same as your sitter used to have to change yours."

"But they were there.  Xander said since if I had possession I had to."

She patted her daughter on the shoulder.  "I know, Buffy.  It'll be okay.  Get cute again.  I'll drive you back since I'm nearly done with lunch."  Her daughter pouted all the way upstairs, letting her giggle in peace.  Those boys did get her back very well for staring at them.

Buffy came back down in another new outfit.  "Mom, how do you clean around the hangy stuff on the end of the penis?"

"They didn't have the baby circumcised?"

"Um....  Not like I know to compare, Mom.  I've never seen anything but the normal kind."

"Did the head have skin around it or was it clear?"

"It had hangy, elbow skin around it."

"He wasn't circumcised.  I wonder why."

"Is that what Willow was going on about lack of feeling and stuff?"

"Probably," she admitted, taking her out to the car and back to the shop.  She walked her inside even.  "Dean's not circumcised?"  Sam pointed at Xander.  "Xander?" she asked patiently.

He looked at her.  "Why do I want to maim him and take part of his future enjoyment away from him?  Just to make it a bit easier to clean?"

"You know, they are saying that men who're circumcised are less likely to get STD's," Tara said.

"Yeah because they get less sex," Xander pointed out.  "Willow said they never do those studies with guys who get a whole lot of sex.  Just guys who don't.  They do it on purpose.  Like the old ones did."

"There were old studies that said circumcising a boy led to less UTI's and things," Sam admitted.  "They were proven wrong back in the nineties.  There's new, contradictory ones about circumcising being better. All those AIDS studies have been in Africa and they vary in tribes that have multiple partners or promiscuous sex or those who have single partners.  They're not great studies and yes, I can agree we need further research, but I don't feel like I miss out on anything when I have sex."

"The foreskin does add some extra sensation," Giles admitted.  "It's a personal preference anymore."

"It's not a war I'm willing to take on," Sam said.  "So I let Xander have this one.  We'll have later ones about Dean's training."  Xander gave him a patient look.  "Self-defense starting at four."

"Five or six," Xander said.

"Four's easier and then he can move into a martial arts if he wants to by six.  We did before.  He was older and always complained he didn't pick it up as easily as I did."

Xander shrugged.  "There's no dojo in town, Sam."  Sam groaned.  "You can teach him.  I can teach him.  Buffy and Giles can teach him since they both know some.  Spike knows street brawling and Angel knows all the meditative, ending season of Highlander with the crappy plotline about the woosy demon that was beat by not beating it styles.  Let's get him reading when he's four.  That way he can have brains like yours.  That way he's not caught in the same trap I was - begging to graduate."

"Are we home schooling him?" Buffy asked.

"I think we can get him to pass the equivalency test," Sam told her.  "That way we can have him home schooled but he doesn't have a problem with having to study more."  He looked at Xander.  "We can start Latin and self-defense that year."

Xander shrugged. "We could but that year's still only going to be a month.  We won't have time to do that and work."  Sam moaned, holding his head.  "Exactly.  So let's get him back to the baseline level where his memories can start to take over for him and then train his body once he's old enough to understand what he's doing with it and why."

Sam considered it.  "I can see that," he decided.  Xander relaxed.  "Latin first?"

"I figured Spanish first since this is California, but we can do it at the same time as Latin."  He grinned.  "He can even start that sooner since there's all sorts of games for Spanish."

"Good point."  He took a kiss.  "I can ceded that point.  As long as we do get to train him."

"Of course.  He's got to be able to survive around here."

Joyce coughed.  "What happens if he keeps aging pat his old age?"

"It's written into the spell that it stops it," Sam told her.

"Oh, good."  She patted him on the cheek.  "Any other battles we want to have?"

Sam looked at Xander.  "I'm not doing what Dad did to save part of his soul before he loses his innocence.  It was helpful but it was mean to her.  He had me broken in so Dad couldn't."

"If we have to do something like that we can do it here," Xander told him.  "Keep it safe that way without having to use anyone?"

Sam considered it then nodded.  "That would work too.  Good for everyone else?"  They nodded.  "Cool."  He looked at the fussing baby and Buffy, who was holding him, giving him a comical look really.  "Buffy....."

"Oh, come on!  I just changed one!" she whined.

Joyce took pity on her and went to change it for her.  "It's not that bad, Dean.  She'll get used to tiny baby butts."  She gave him a light pinch before putting the diaper on.  "There, even less wiggly than Buffy was at your age."  She carried him back out, handing him to Tara, watching as he tried to latch on.  "Buffy did that too," she sighed. "She tried to do it to a statue once.  And her father.  Her father threw an unholy fit in Church."  She walked off, going to the art gallery she owned.

"I'm *so* glad I don't remember that," Buffy said.  She waved at Dean. "I'll hold you after you get changed the next time, little guy."  Tara snickered, breaking his suction.  Xander handed over a pacifier.  Dean spit it out and tried again.

"And they said I was stubborn," Sam teased, taking him back.  "Don't suck on the aunt, Dean.  She'll be mean and not make you cookies and stuff."  The baby settled down in his arms, going to sleep on his shoulder.  "Thank you.  Good boy."  Xander grinned.  "Would you mind if some of the hunters we know got to see him?"

Xander shrugged.  "Can they come here or near here?"

"They could come here, we'll make sure they're all okay," Buffy promised.  "That way maybe I could meet a hotty of my own."

Sam grinned at her. "Some of them are cute."

"In a gay boy like you way?" she asked.

He snickered.  "Give Dean two years, Buffy."

"Um, no.  Seen too much of his butt already.  I'll keep flashing back to it being that tiny.  I might giggle and he'd be mortally offended."  She stood up.  "I'm going to go play while I'm still cute and clean."  She skipped off before anyone else could suggest something like that.

Tara shook her head.  "Poor thing."  She stole him back and got comfortable to sit with him, letting the CD player go on with the headphones near his head again.  It made him a happier baby to listen to it.

Sam grinned at Xander.  "Looks like we're free for an hour."

"I'm still too sore for sex," Xander said dryly, giving him a look.

"How about laundry then?"

"Laundry I might be able to handle," he admitted.  He looked at Tara, getting waved off.  He looked at Giles, who nodded he'd protect the baby.  They headed off to the laundromat while it was still light outside.  That way they wouldn't have to worry about hiking laundry and killing vampires.  Sam came back to take pictures and email them off to the others who wanted to know.  It was a nice night.  Calm, peaceful.  Dean slept most of it.  Xander slept through him waking up.  That was fine though, they needed more bonding time.  He sat there with the baby, holding and cuddling him, talking to him about all the demons he had hunted while he was gone.

***

Xander sat down with his son the first day Sam was gone, weathering the fussing.  "I know I'm not Sam, Dean."  He stared down at his son.  "Listen, okay?  I gave birth to you.  I don't want you to call me mom if you don't want to.  Dad could be okay if you wanted to but I'm not going to try to take your original parents places," he said quietly.  He heard someone outside and went to look, nodding at the officer.  "Yes?"

"Original parents?"

Xander pulled up his shirt to show off the flap.  The officer gave him a horrified look.  "He was reborn to save him."  He put down his shirt.  "Technically, Sam, my boyfriend, is his big brother.  He was supposed to carry him, not me, but the old Sunnydale magical issues bit me instead.  Anything else?"

"Someone said you've got a child here that you shouldn't have."

"No, all I have is the one I gave birth to, who's got an accelerated growth problem.  Don't believe me, go ask Buffy."

"Um, it was Willow who told us, Harris," he said.

"I'm so going to kill her."  He let him inside.  "See, just Dean."  He pointed.  "That's all him."  He handed over the birth certificate they still had to file.  "All his."

He read it over then looked at the baby.  "He is a bit magical," he said.  He looked at Xander.  "That won't close?"

"Ever.  If I had eggs I could do it again," he said dryly.  The officer shuddered.  "You guys all saw me being fat and stuff.  What did you think was wrong with me?"

"Mr. Giles said a medical condition."

"You know what, let's go talk to Giles," Xander said.  "That should clear it all up."  The officer nodded at that.  Xander grabbed the diaper bag and headed down with him, looking in his car.  "Of course, Sam has the carseat."  He looked at him.  "I'll walk so we don't get a ticket."  That got a nod and the officer drove off.  Xander called Giles.  "Incoming.  Can you please get Miss Rosenburg down here so I can thump her good?"  He walked off with the baby.  It was only four blocks and it was a nice day.  He walked into the shop, finding the officer already in there and Willow looking guilty.  "I'm going to kill your ass, Willow."  She eeped and ran.  "Good idea!" he shouted after her.  He calmed himself because the baby was fussy.  "Giles, Willow nicely told this officer that Dean is not my child and is inappropriately in my custody."

"Excuse me?" Giles asked, looking at the officer.

"You said it was a medical condition, Mr. Giles."

"Yes, pregnancy is one of those," he said dryly, leaning on the counter, palms down so he wouldn't do anything rash.  "Xander is a wonderful mother to Dean," he said.  "He gave birth to him after Sam saved his life by having him reborn.  It wasn't meant to come to Xander but he did.  Xander gave birth to him and all that.  We've seen him since he was a day old and helped him before then because Xander got the snot kicked out of him on occasion."

"Okay.  As long as you guys are sure.  I know Xander's not a pervert or anything.   I wasn't sure if it had been abandoned or anything."

"No, he wasn't," Xander said, trying to stay calm, bouncing the baby a bit with him.  "It's all right, Dean.  We'll stay calm," he promised.  Anya came out and held out her hands.  "After you left him alone to get coffee?"  She pouted.  "Tough!  Sit!  Find good things for me to do to Willow later on."

"Why?"  Xander pointed at the cop.  "She turned you in for being a dad?"

"For having custody of a child that wasn't his naturally," the officer said.

Anya gave Xander a horrified look.  "Do you want a spot on the vengeance team?  I'm sure D'Hoffryn would come.  He did when Willow did the will spell, he'll come for this one too."

"No, I'll manage without him," he promised her.  "Come up with good ideas for me."

"Sure, I have a whole store of them that I never got to use," she said happily, bouncing off to do that.

"Xander, let me," Giles said, taking the baby.  "Go blow off the energy on the heavy bag.  I'll watch Dean personally for a few minutes."  Xander stomped off with a last glare at the officer.  "Is that enough to satisfy everyone?"

"Yes, Mr. Giles.  As long as we're all sure."  He nodded.  "Thank you for clearing this up and not letting him hit me or her.  I'd hate to arrest him if he hit her."

"Don't worry, he'll be beating her out of police view," he promised.  He nodded and left.  He looked at the fussy baby.  "He really does love you.  Otherwise we would've seen a very messy homicide already.  He wouldn't have stopped on my account."  The baby stared at him.  He smirked.  "Hitting that first growth spurt a bit early?"  The baby cooed.  "We'll figure it out.  I'm sure Xander won't pick up magic or anything.  I hope.  Xander?  Are you calmer?  I do believe he's hungry and I don't know how to mix a bottle yet."

Xander came out to grab the stuff, going into the bathroom. Then he came out shaking a bottle.  "Thanks."  He took him, sticking it into his mouth.  "How's that?"  Dean burped but sucked.  "Thanks, kid.  Sorry you had to see that.  I'll kill her later, when Sam's babysitting."  He grabbed the diaper bag and headed off.  "Thanks, Giles."

"Don't worry."  Once Xander was out of sight he called Sam.  "Samuel, no, not the baby.  Well, not wholly the baby.  No, not an attack.  Willow, Samuel.  She told someone that Xander had Dean without a good reason.  We just convinced the officer, yes.  Running for her life.  Xander's a bit pissed.  I'm sure Dean's going to be down for a nap soon so he can calm down.  I did promise the officer we wouldn't kill her where they'd find her," he admitted.  "That would be good, yes.  Thank you, Samuel.  Walked home.  I don't know why he didn't drive.  Does he have the carseat?"  Sam groaned.  "Ah, that reason.  That's fine then.  He's headed home.  The baby has a bottle he's sucking on the way.  Yes, I thought you should know so you could calm him down when you get home tonight.  No, he asked Anya to find him a suitably evil idea when he turned down her suggestion that he take a spot like she had.  Exactly.  Thank you, Samuel."   He hung up then hung his head, sighing a bit.

"Willow's going to be a big problem or a little problem?" Anya asked.  "It'll depend on what sort of idea I give Xander."

He looked at her.  "I have no idea," he admitted.  "I'm about to find out.  Can you watch the store?"  She nodded, beaming, coming over to play with the money while he went to find Willow wherever she was hiding and spank her until she begged for mercy.  His Ripper side was screaming to come out for that stunt.  He should let him play.

***

Xander sat down, looking at the baby again once they were home.  "Now that someone is beating Willow for me, so I can do it later when she's slower since I'm still sore, can we go back to our talk?"  Dean kept slurping, staring at him.  "Thanks.  Do you think we can get along?  I know you'll end up being the same guy you were.  I can only hope to give you some good influences, be there for you when you're growing up, that stuff."  He patted the baby on the stomach.  "There for a while I had talked myself into believing I'd be a good dad then your brother showed up to tell me I wasn't going to have to really worry about it."  The baby frowned at him.  He burped him and the facial expression cleared. "Better?"  He put him back down, giving him the bottle back.  "I'm trying, okay?  Can we not hate me for that?  I know I'm an outsider to your family thing but can I at least be like a stepparent or something?"  The baby kept staring at him, still drinking.  He tipped the bottle a bit so he'd get better milk flow.  "We'll talk when you're older and you understand more."  He stood up.  "For now I need to calm down before I accidentally find magic and kick her ass long distance."  He looked at him. "Can you stay there while I see how sore I really am?  I need to get back onto patrol too."  The baby finished the bottle, watching him play with his battle axe.

Someone knocked.  "Xander?" Joyce called.

"Open," he called.  She opened the door and walked in.  "Can you give him back his pacie?"  She nodded, switching out the empty bottle for his pacifier.  "Thanks.  What's up?"

"Willow's cowering in my basement why?"

"Because she told the cops I shouldn't have Dean but I do."

"Oh dear."  She gave him a look.  "Would you like me to babysit while you kick her around?  He shouldn't see that."

"I'll get her later, after Giles has.  Since I'm still sore, I can't run after her.  He'll beat her so she's slower for me."

"Are you okay?"

"Tired, sore, and still pissed.  I'll be fine and take a nap when he does."  She nodded, kissing him on the cheek. "Thanks, Joyce."

"You're welcome, dear.  By the way, Buffy knows not to leave the baby with Anya if you want either of us to sit sometime soon."

"If I can be less sore I might let you tonight while we go on patrol."

She beamed.  "I'd love to."  She patted him and left, going to talk to Giles so he could find Willow easier.

Xander looked at Dean once he made sure the door was shut. "She's pretty cool.  She took the news of Buffy being a slayer really well.  She's like my mom.  If you call her grandma I'm sure she'd be happy with that."  He went back to work, letting the baby watch him.

Dean watched, thinking hard about what was going on.  Maybe he was missing some clues somewhere.  His Dad was Sammy?  And this was his stepmother?  Huh?  He nearly groaned.  His stepmother had a bad aim with that backhand swing.  He would've said something if he could talk.  Then again, the guy had just given birth to him....  He said he was sore.  He watched him keep going, falling into the same patterns over and over while he practiced.  That backhand swing was still bothering him but the other stuff looked okay.  His father would've screamed about his training though.

Sam came home while Xander was practicing.  "You didn't gain any weight," he said calmly.

"They still need me on patrol tonight.  Joyce said she'd sit so we can both go."

"You said you're sore."

"And I am.  Doesn't mean I get to slack.  I went with a broken arm, concussions, and other bruises.  I can go with a sore stomach and tired shoulders, Sam."  He put down his axe, rubbing his sorer shoulder.  "Let me shower.  I'm sweaty and stinky.  Can you change him?"

"Sure."  He watched Xander head into the bathroom, then leaned on the back of the couch to look at Dean.  "You know, if it had to be anyone to be the new mom, he's a great one," he said gently.  "He's sweet, he's gentle, he's protective.  He's hot, he's smart but he hides it like you do.  He wears some ugly shirts now and then but so does everyone.   Do you like the new mom?"  Dean stared at him, sucking on his pacifier.  He smiled at the look in the green eyes that said Dean would be screaming if he could.  "Give him a chance and get to know him, Dean.  Xander's a great guy.  Please?  For me?"  Dean kept sucking.  "Fine.  We'll figure things out."  He picked him up, taking him to change.  "You know, Bobby's coming out next week to see you.  He wants to make sure the nasty vampires haven't eaten you yet.  He's worried about Spike.  Which is probably a good thing even though he can't eat you."  He heard Xander get out of the shower.  "Bobby's coming next week," he called.

"Sure.  We'll figure out where to put him," he agreed as he headed up to his room to change.  He sat down, listening to Sam and Dean talk about their friend.  "Maybe I should have one for myself, that way I don't feel jealous," he whispered.  He finished getting dressed and came down to check the diaper bag.  Still full: six diapers, two bottles and enough mix to make another three, two outfits and a spare shirt, a stake, a hunting knife, a pocket knife, and a handgun loaded with silver bullets.  He found a spare pacifier to put into it and dropped it in, taking the backpack system to put on and adjust for the baby's current size.  "Drop him in?"

"I can carry him, Xander.  You're still sore."

"I'll never get unsore if I don't get back into the swing of things.  We need me back to work soon."  He took the baby, kissing him on the head before putting him down inside it.  "That good with you, Dean?"  Dean looked happy enough.  "Okay, let's go see Grandma  Joyce and then we'll go on patrol for a few hours.  Then we'll pick you up and come back here to nap.  Then we'll do it all over again without the Willow torture in the center.  Sound good to you?" he asked, walking out with the diaper bag.  Sam followed, sighing a bit at the stubborn nature.  He looked down at the baby, smiling at his happy expression.  It was just now starting to fall dark.  They walked up the road to Joyce's, taking their time.  It was a safer part of town.  A few vamps but Sam got two and Xander got one.  He checked the baby.  "Maybe a hat so you don't get vampire ash in your eyes.  Can't be good for them."  He brushed his face off again.  "How's that?"  The baby cooed.  Sam picked up the pacifier, tossing it into the diaper bag so it could be cleaned first.  "Thanks.  Can't bend."

"I could carry him."

"I'm good.  You'll be spending most of your day with him soon, Sam.  Give me my time now."  He walked up onto Joyce's porch a few minutes later, knocking before walking in.  "Hi, Grandma.  Say hi Grandma, Dean."  The baby blew spit bubbles but didn't look unhappy.

"That's a good greeting for the grandma," she cooed, taking the whole carrier off Xander.  Sam set down the carrier.  "Standard patrol tonight?"

"Two, two and a half hours," Xander assured her.  "Cemetery patrol."  She nodded, taking the baby to read to him.  "Thanks, Joyce."  He walked out, heading out to the Magic Box.  Willow saw him and backed away slowly.  "I'm still going to kill your dumb ass."  She took off running.

"She did what this time?" Buffy asked patiently.  "Where's the baby?"

"With your mother so we can go on patrol," Xander said dryly.  "As for her?  Ask Giles about the officer who came today.  I'll get pissed again."  He grabbed a few stakes.  "Which cemeteries tonight?"

"Golden Slumbers, Restview, Rest Haven, and the one by the college.  That family plot."  Xander nodded, heading out.  "Hey!"

"You can catch up," Sam promised with a grin.  "I'll be with him.  We already got three on the way to Joyce's."  He hurried out after Xander once he had bolts for his crossbow.  "You know, you don't have to prove anything to me, Xander," he said after a few blocks.  "I'm proud of how good you are."

Xander gave him an odd look.  "Sam, I don't have time to take off for being sore.  Or else I never would've patrolled with concussions and a broken arm.  It's a matter of manpower.  We don't have enough.  We need more.  Please, let some of your guys show up here and want to stay.  Buffy could use a good boyfriend."  He grinned.  "Besides, I need to wear out the aggression from earlier or else I'm going to bite someone.  Who's over there with Spike."  He strolled that way.  "She whining about calling the cops on us for having the baby?"

Spike gave Willow a look.  "I'd run.  I can't hurt him enough ta stop hin, Red."  She pouted but stomped off to find Buffy.  "You good?"

"Pissed as hell.  She's damn lucky I believe it was a misunderstanding.  Or else she'd be dead by now.  Anya was going to give me ideas."  Spike and Sam both shuddered.  "Exactly.  Coming?  We're going on patrol."

"Sure.  Make sure you don't fall over from the sore spots."

"Fuck being sore," Xander muttered loud enough for vampire hearing to catch and headed off again.  They were near the closer cemetery.  The first minion was already out and trying to help his buddy out of his grave so Xander jumped in.  He figured out how sore he really was when the vampire fought back.  He still managed to kick the thing off him and back into Sam's stake while Spike got the one struggling to get out.  He sighed.  "I'm out of practice being beaten up."  He walked on, shaking his head a bit.  Only one way to get back into practice.  The same way he had learned.

"He's insane," Spike told Sam.

Sam shook his head.  "He's proving stuff to himself," he said quietly.  He followed.  The next one was easier.  Xander handled it and kept guarding the sorer areas.  The vamp went whoosh and they went to another one.  Spike stopped Xander, getting an angry look.  Sam kept going.

"He's a Master," Spike said, heading off to help him.  Xander followed at a jog anyway.  He and Sam double-teamed him while Xander snuck up from behind and got him.  Xander sighed, looking at them.  "No way you could've taken the lead," Spike defended.  "Even before the baby."

Xander gave him a look.  "You know damn well that wouldn't have stopped me."  He walked off rolling his eyes.  "Maybe I'll move.  That way all the over-protective people quit hovering," he told himself as he walked.  They ran into Buffy and Giles.  "Morning," he said dryly.  "Spike's trying to keep me from helping again.  Any more this way?  We've gotten three fledges and a master."

"Oooh, nice count," Buffy said.  "Are you teaching the baby?" she teased.

He looked at her.  "I don't think it's going to be necessary since he still has all his memories from his last life.  I'll teach him whatever I can that he doesn't already have.  Thanks for asking though."  He walked off shaking his head.

"I was teasing," Buffy called after him.  Sam jogged off to follow him, shooting a glare at her.  "I was," she pouted at Giles.

Spike shook his head.  "He's still in a bad mood, slayer."

"That's not my fault, that was Willow," she complained, following after the couple.  She found Sam hugging Xander while talking to him.  "I was only teasing."

"Tonight's not a good night for that," Sam told her. "Please?"

"Fine, you two take the Bronze.  I'll give up dancing tonight so you two can do that part."  Xander shook his head, getting free and walking off.  "Usually he likes the Bronze part of the hunting," she said with a pout.

"We promised your mom we'd only be out for a few hours."

"Oh.  Yeah, she's got to get to bed because she works."

"Xander's going to be going back in a few weeks," Sam told her.  He went after Xander, finding him fighting a demon that he didn't know anything about.  "Xander?" he called, stepping in to kill it.  "How do we kill this one?"

"No clue," he admitted with a small grin.  "Like usual."

"Rubber!" Giles called. "It's allergic to rubber."

"Eraser, anything like that on you?" Xander asked, thinking about what he had.  He had a condom but those were latex.  He got an idea and kicked the demon on some exposed skin, watching as it pussed up there.  He took a running jump, jumping further up its back so he could kick it higher and hopefully choke it to death.  It worked, after a few good kicks to the neck.  He had to jump off before he got pinned under it while it rolled around and gasped for breath but that was usual.  "Rubber soles because now and then we have the demonic version of Picachu."  He grinned and walked off again.  "Thanks, Giles," he called, waving back at him.

Buffy frowned.  "Aren't they harmless?"

"Unless they're in heat.  Then they can jump young men to have them fertilize their eggs," he agreed, pulling off his glasses to clean them.  "I'm hoping it jumped him."

Sam caught up with Xander again, stopping him so they could talk to him.  "Hey.  Did it jump you?"  Xander nodded.  "Any idea why?"

"I was born here."  He shrugged.  "It was probably female and decided I was tasty.  That happens now and then.  The girls pick on me about it."  He shrugged again.  "Why?"

"That was dangerous."

"That's patrol, Sam.  It's not the first time I've been jumped."

"No but this is probably the first time that you're hormonal, pissed at Willow, and sore at the same time."  He moved closer.  "I'm worried about you, Xander.  You're acting odd."

"Sam, you've only seen me under high hormones.  This is the real me."

"You're normally suicidal?" he asked, staring at him.

"I'm not presently."

"You're clearly upset by something.  Tell me, please?"

"Oh, just go blow him," a female voice called.  "You two are worse than my soaps."  Xander turned and threw a stake at her, dusting her.

"Nice shot."  He made Xander look at him again.  "I'm worried about you.  You haven't laughed in a few days, Xander.  Is this the postpartum depression stuff?"

Xander walked off shaking his head.  "I'm not a textbook case, Sam.  You can't get all the facts from a book."

"I'm trying to ask," he complained, following him.  "That's why I started the conversation, so you could tell me what's wrong."

Xander turned to stare at him.  "You want to know what's wrong?  I have a wonderful, beautiful son that I have not a damn thing to do with.  Never will.  If I'm lucky he'll consider me a stepparent when he gets older.  There's not much I can teach him that he doesn't already know.  That's what the hell is wrong with me.  Okay?  Happier now?   This has actually made me think about having a normal kid so I can do this with one of my own and prove that I have broken the family curse of being sucky human beings."  He was jumped by something and threw it onto the ground, stomping on it.  "Having a talk, do you fucking well mind?" he snarled.  It got up and ran.  He looked at Sam again.  "Maybe it'd be better if you did take him and go home.  That way I couldn't screw up what you have to make him relearn."  He walked off again.

"It's not like that, Xander!  You have a lot of stuff you can teach him!"  He chased after him but Xander had made it inside the house and had locked himself in the bedroom.  "Xander!  Let me in?  Please?" he called.  He tried the knob again.  Still locked.  He thought about kicking it in but he was on stairs and they weren't that deep so he couldn't get a good balance going.  There wasn't a handrail for him to lean on either.  "Come on, Xander.  It's not going to be like that.  Yeah, I'm going to be prompting memories but you can still help me retrain him.  You can work out with us.  All that stuff.  You can teach him a lot of stuff."

"Just go away," Xander called.

"No.  I'm not like that."  He sat on the stairs, checking his watch.  "I'm going to pick up the baby.  We'll talk when I get back."

"He's the kid, I'm not," Xander said, throwing something at the doorway.

"I know that," he complained, glaring behind him. He stomped down to the car, heading over to Joyce's.  She pouted but he shrugged.  "Xander's having an end-of-the-hormones moment," he said grimly.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome.  He's a sweet boy."

"Only when he wants to be."  She laughed at that, nodding a bit.  "Thanks."  He grabbed the diaper bag and headed back to the house, finding the doors locked again and the chain on.  He could kick this one in, making Dean coo.  "Your mother's insane," he told him, putting him into his crib.  "You stay here.  I'm going to talk to him."  He put the diaper bag back into the closet then headed back to look at his room door.  It was unlocked but Xander wasn't in there.  He searched the rest of the apartment.  Apparently he had left over the balcony.  He put his head down, taking a deep, calming breath.  He needed it before he started to scream and rant at God.  He went to check on Dean.  "I'm sorry.  He's having a small issue.  Can you learn stuff from him?  Make him happy?  He thinks all he was is a womb to you."  Dean stared at him.  "Fine, we'll talk in a few weeks when you can talk."  He checked his diaper, still dry and clean.  So he went to check the closet.  It hadn't been packed at least.  There were a few things missing but most of them were in the laundry and his.  He went down to the couch to wait.  Xander had to come home sometime.  He hoped.  Because he had no idea how to fix this if he didn't.

***

Xander walked onto his site the next Monday.  "Hey, boss.  Where do you need me?"

"Back on medical leave?" he suggested.

"I'm fine."

"You're still tired looking, Harris.  Sam's even worse.  Does the baby have colic already?"

"No, I..."  He shook his head.  "Long story.  Not sharing.  Not a girl.  Where do you want me?"

"Are you still sore?"

"A bit but I can lift and hunt.  I'll live as long as I'm not hauling bricks."

"That's fine.  Go work on the roof."  Xander nodded, getting up there to work.  He checked his watch.  He was over an hour early.  Interesting.  He waited for Sam to come in, seeing him looking miserable.  "Xander's better already?" he asked.  Sam stiffened, staring at him.  "He's on the roof.  I do not want to hear screaming, I will not let you hit him or him you.  Am I clear?  You two take it off the site if you need that sort of fighting."

"I need to yell at him but he won't listen."  He nodded.  "Want me inside or up there?"

"Go up there.  I'll leave it as you two for now."  Sam nodded, heading up there to help.  He watched but Xander only stiffened then nodded cordially before handing him something.  So they'd had a fight, huh?  Why this time?  Harris had a bad temper.  Everyone knew about his temper since the first mood swing when he had decked the cop coming to try to ticket his car for existing.  He kept watch on them.  Sam was trying to talk.  He was getting more and more pissed but he was trying to talk.  Xander wasn't saying anything back.  He went up there to see how they were coming along.  Xander was halfway up his section.  "Let him catch up, Harris.  That way we don't have uneven rows."

"Yes, boss," Xander said, pulling out his water bottle to take a drink so Sam could catch up on his shingles.

"What happened?" the boss asked.

"Xander seems to think that just because the baby has some past life memories that there's nothing he can do with him except change him and be his womb.  I've been trying to correct that but he's not listening."

"This is work, Sam.  Work and personal lives are different," Xander said calmly.   "Besides, what do you want me to teach him?  How to wire a DVD player?"  He shrugged.  "I'm sure he had everything else covered already."

"It wasn't like that," he said coolly.  "We were still learning on the job too, Xander.  Even if we did start younger we weren't allowed to handle things on our own until we were older than you were when you started.  We've had different experiences.  There's all sorts of demons I don't know about."

"That would be Giles, not me," Xander said, giving him a look.  "I'm grunt support.  The same as he was."  He shifted over to start on another section, that way it wouldn't fall behind.  "We're fine, boss."

"No, I think you're being dumb," he told Xander.

Xander glared at him.  "Thanks for the commentary but there's still nothing that I know that he won't when he's older.  All I am was a place for the demon that let him be reborn to park him.  It did it because it amused him.  I'm not going to punish my ass every day because I can't have a thing to do with raising my own kid.  That will drive me over the edge and you will end up losing me horribly.  Now, anything else?  The roof isn't getting done with this argument and it's still work so personal matters do not come here."  He glared at Sam.  "Or go work inside and I'll do the roof."

"You know, you taught me how to do this stuff," Sam told him.

"Which is why you just applied that one upside down?" Xander said.  Sam groaned but put it on right.  "Now you know so you can teach him that too in case it comes in handy."

"There's still a lot I don't know, Xander.  You can still teach him stuff."

"Sam, go inside before I yell at you," Xander ordered.  "I don't bring my personal life to the job.  Ever.  Go inside."

"I make...."

"He goes or I go," Xander said to stop the boss from trying to keep them together today.  "One of us is going."

"Fine.  You do the roof, Harris.  Sam, go inside and help in the kitchen.  You don't have a great hand at plumbing yet so you need the practice."  Sam nodded, getting down to do that.  "You sure you can handle this?"

"Of course I can.  I could before, I can now."

"If you're sure.  I'll check after lunch for progress."  He went back down to talk to the kid.  Xander was giving him grief but he could see his point, at least a bit.  He pulled him into the office.  "What did he know before he died?" he asked.

"We're a hunting family.  We handle different sort of things than they do here."  He flopped down, rubbing a hand through his sweaty hair.  "Xander thinks I should take the baby and go since he's my big brother and he'll be him again once he's fully grown.  He doesn't think he can teach the baby anything.  I know that's not true.  A lot of what we missed growing up having a parent that wasn't teaching us to hunt would've cured.  Xander could teach him a lot about loving and caring for something.  About being there even when things are hard.  All that.  Instead he went to stay on Joyce's couch for a few days."

"How many?"

"Four," he admitted. "I only found him last night and only because Tara told me."  He looked at him.  "Yeah, he's partially right.  Dean was a great hunter, better than I ever will be.  He'll be one again.   The most important thing he can teach him is the value of a stable, loving family and I can't do that because he doesn't see that it's important."

"Not like his family had one."  He looked out there then at him.  "I fired Xander's father about seven years ago, Sam.  He was a drunken bastard, even on the job.  He sneered at any sort of education.  Xander's very stable and it surprised the hell out of the rest of the town that he didn't blow them up the way he did the high school."

"He blew up the high school?"

"Graduation had a huge demon attacking it.  It was the only way to kill it."

"He said something about that," he admitted quietly, looking out there.  "He shouldn't be back yet."

"Xander's often been the guy that let a single decision determine his whole path.  He jumped in to help Buffy when he lost his friend.  Look at him now."

Sam nodded. "I get that and I get that he doesn't understand what I need Dean to learn this time.  I mean, I can't teach him anything other than to prompt old memories and help his body retrain itself."

"Yes but you have those old memories to prompt him with," the boss said.  Sam slumped, nodding at that.  "You've probably called in some old friends to help?"  He nodded.  "Now what?"

"If he was just a womb to me, I wouldn't have moved in with him."

"Xander's always seem himself in the measurement of how useful he was, Sam.  Here he's very useful so he takes a lot of pride in his work.  To you, he sees himself as a diaper changer, a womb, and probably a sex toy."  He got a miserable look back.  "You need to fix that.  Even if you do have to drag him home in handcuffs tonight.  Before your friends get the wrong idea and jump his case too.  Because then we all lose Xander.  Am I clear?"

"He was talking about having another one so he'd have a kid that was his."

"He might do that," he agreed.  "Then again, if he did he might die of it too.  His doc last time wasn't that thrilled with his health when we talked."

"She didn't say that around me.  Neither did anyone else."

"She wouldn't.  I had to press to get her to admit he shouldn't be working anymore.  That would've been a few months before he stopped before you ask."

"I knew that.  She was nagging him in his seventh month to stop working."  He looked outside.  "He's still tired."

"Couches aren't comfortable.  Especially not for a guy like Harris who has a lot of nightmares.  He's seen things that make hell look pleasant.  He's probably trying very hard not to let the baby see that side at all.  Or you.  The others don't often see it.  Why is Rosenburg hiding from him anyway?"

"She told a cop that we shouldn't have Dean."

"Shit," he muttered.  Sam nodded.  "He kick her ass yet?"

"He said he was sore so Giles could do it then he'd take over once she was too sore to run."

"Has he done that yet?"

"No," he admitted.  "He growled.  He paced, he snarled, he threatened.  He was asking Anya for advice.  He hasn't done more than that."

"Then he's not near ready to forgive her yet."  He looked out there.  "He's wobbling."

"He's tired."  He went to help Xander again, bringing him more water.  "Here, you look thirsty and you were wobbling."

"That's not the heat.  That's hunger pains.  I missed breakfast."  He took the water anyway, pouring half into his bottle then handing it back.  "Thank you."  Sam handed him a granola bar too.  "Are you a wagon lady?"

"No, I'm trying to be a bit helpful."  He took the hammer and tossed it down after glancing down to make sure he wasn't going to hit anyone.  "You know, I don't have a damn thing I can teach Dean that he didn't already know.  All I can do is prompt things and help him relearn how to use his body.  At least you have skills that he didn't have before.  I should be jealous that you can teach him what loving support is like and how to do this stuff.  You can help him build his first craft."

"Your dad did?"

"Made him carve his own practice sword."

"That's not that hard."

"No, it's not, but he was only seven."  Xander grimaced at that.  "One of the main things we both needed growing up was a softer influence.  Someone who wasn't training us to be a little soldier in a neverending war."

"I am one of those."

"Yeah but you're going to be teaching him to be more than that, Xander.  The same as you are more than that."  Xander gave him a look and a snort.  "They count on you as more than grunt support.  Half the hunters in our circle are as good as Dean and I are.  They can do the same things we can.  Dean was good at building equipment before when we needed it.  I heard from Tara that you're good with electronics.  You can help him there definitely since I can't.  I know how to put together the stereo."  Xander shrugged.  He shifted closer but not too close.  Xander was back to having very strong personal space issues.  "You can also teach him how to love something other than me.  Dad handed me to Dean to get us out of the house when the demon attacked.  Since then Dean's been my protector first, Dad's son second, and a hunter third.  That's all his life was.  You manage to do more than that."

"That's because I have to pay rent."

"You also manage to have solid friendships, ones that're going to be there in a decade.  We never learned that skill.  I learned it at college and Dad felt betrayed that I wanted to go to college and have a normal life.  To him there was the search for the thing that killed mom and every other evil bastard on the way.  You guys manage to have friends, family, fun times, playing times.  Picnics.  All while fighting."

"The usual path for a slayer is to be isolated from everyone but her watcher.  They never raised Buffy," he said calmly.  "The Council has a hit out on me for jumping in and bringing Willow, Sam.  They can understand why she stayed but not me.  They want me out of the way at any cost.  They upped it last week from what Giles heard."

"So!  We can defend ourselves against them too!"

"They're mostly military trained and extraction teams, Sam.  They'll kill you and Dean to get me.  They'll burn down the apartment building and make sure no one in the building gets out alive."  Sam gaped.  "They hate me for changing what slayers were supposed to be and do.  It's safer if I'm not there."

"That's not the reason you left."

"No but it's a good reason to stay gone.  I'll never be more to him than the one who carried him for you.  I'm not going to be his family."

Sam pulled him closer by pulling on the back of his head.  "I see you as family.  Dean will see that you're my boyfriend and that'll be enough for him.  If he suddenly turns homophobic I'll spank his tiny ass until he begs," he said calmly.  Xander gave him a look.  "Come home tonight.  Even he's been miserable."

"It's...."

"Shut up, Xander.  We need to finish having this talk somewhere private where the guys aren't watching.  Do you mind?" he called down.

"Yeah.  You two going emo is disturbing the rest of us."  Xander glared and the guy ran for his life.

"How do you do that?" Sam asked.

"I had a mood swing on a cop and nearly beat him into a coma for a parking ticket," Xander said dryly, giving him a look.  "Then I burst out crying and walked off to have cocoa."

"Interesting.  Beyond that.  They wouldn't still be scared of you, Xander."

"Some of them know about the hunting patrols.  I'm guessing someone saw and told the others."  He shrugged. "Can I be let go now?"

"No."  He kissed him.  "I want you there even if Dean is an asshole about things.  Got me here?  He is our son.  He may've been my big brother but now he's our son."  He kissed him again when he started to protest.  "If you want another one someday so you can be a regular parent, we'll ask Tara," he assured him.  Xander slumped, nodding a bit.  "For now, I need you and Dean needs you.  I need my boyfriend back to help me with things.  Because I wanted to hurt him last night when he wouldn't quit crying."

"It's probably growing pains," Xander told him.

"I tried a warm bath and massage to deal with those.  It didn't help, Xander.  Please?  I'll handcuff you if I have to but I need you home tonight.  If we can't work it out then we'll switch things around.  You can have him in the bigger bedroom and I'll take the nursery.  Whatever."  Xander shrugged at that.  "Don't make me beg in public?"

"Fine.  Your turn to order."

"I'll even cook if I'm not too sore."  He grinned.  "Okay?"

"Fine."

Sam kissed him again.  "Thank you.  Now, want help on the shingles?  We're never going to get this done if you do it by yourself."

"I've gotten a good portion done," he complained, looking down at his hammer.  "You threw it."  Sam climbed down to get it, bringing his with him.  They got back to work.  "Circle that way and meet up with mine," he ordered.  Sam nodded, doing that, making sure they had the size rows all the way around.  One he had to adjust but that was fine with him.  He was still learning about shingles and roofing.  When they got done with the point they were on they moved over to the regular roof to get to work on it instead.  It was a lot larger and Xander snapped chalk lines for him to guide him.  He grinned at that and it went faster.  No picky cutting to make sure there wasn't a gap or too much overlap.

***

Xander walked in with the baby, putting him down on the couch.  "There good for you?"   The baby screamed.  He sighed, sitting down with him.  "Okay, what do you want?  Use the baby ESP and tell me, Dean."  Dean blinked at him.  "Yes, it's still me."  The baby fussed louder.

"Dean, suck it up," Sam said from behind them.  "Xander is your mother.  Get used to us being together.  I'm not losing him because you like breasts."  Dean sniffled again then let out another wail.  "I don't know what's wrong.  We've tried everything.  Even the ER couldn't tell us last night."

Xander walked him into the bathroom, stripping him down so they could take a warm bath together.  It gave him the time to look him over for anything that might be hurting him.  He checked and groaned.  "Someone forgot to clean out underneath the foreskin."  He settled him in on his lap, cleaning that for him.  "Let's see.  You probably need something like cranberry juice, huh?  Does it hurt when you pee?  Some of that was a few days old."

Sam brought in a bottle of water.  "That's one of the good reasons to circumcise him."

"Tough.  If he's my son he's not."  He made sure he was fully cleaned out, letting the warm water soothe him while he drank the water.  It was a bit better now.  Dean was slowly calming himself down.  "Get me a towel to put between us?" he asked quietly.  Sam did that, handing over a dish towel.  He covered his lap then put Dean back into his spot.  "There, that's better."  He stroked and patted his back until he belched but that was normal.  He got another one and the baby cooed in pleasure.  "Huh, gas pains, huh?"  He kept patting him until he was done with the bottle.  Then he let him curl up on his chest while he added more water to the tub.  Dean fell asleep that way.  He actually looked happy this time too.

Sam sat beside the tub, stroking over the baby's hair.  "He looks comfortable and content doing that," he said quietly, smiling at Xander.  "You do have the touch."  He took his hand to hold.  "This is the one thing I could never teach him, Xander.  You can."

"I didn't have it myself, Sam."

"So?  You still learned what it was and I didn't.  I can't teach something I don't know.  I'm pretty sure he was fussing because you weren't there.  He knew."  He gave the hand a squeeze.  "Why did you need the towel?"

"I felt dirty suddenly."

"I'm sure every parent gets that."  He took a kiss.  "I know you'd never, ever hurt him, Xander.  I know that.  I have known that."  Xander smiled at that assurance.  "No matter what possessed you, no matter what taint you carry, no matter what horrors you've seen,  you'll never hurt him.  He's your son."

"It doesn't stop others."

"You're not them."

"I could be.  You don't know me that well."

"I do so."  He kissed him then stood up.  "Let me start on dinner."  He went to do that, checking on them now and then.  Xander was nearly asleep in the tub too when he brought in food.  Dean woke up too, fussing a bit but Xander got him calmed down.  He stroked over Dean's head until he shifted and went back to sleep.  Sam settled in to feed Xander, earning a few strange looks.  "Your hands are full."  He ate a bite for himself every few bites but it was fine with him.  When dinner was done he took the dishes back into the kitchen then came back.  "Want to wash him down so he can go to sleep for real?"

"Sure."  Sam got the soap down since it was above and behind Xander's head, settling in to help him wash the baby.  Dean woke up again but he was content to let them spoil him with affection for now.  Sam took him to diaper and dress, then put him down, coming in to climb into the shower with Xander.  Xander stiffened.  "Just wanted a cuddle of my own."  He gave him a hug from behind.  "Want me on the couch or with you upstairs?" he asked when Xander went back to soaping his chest and arms.

"Doesn't matter."

"Yes it does.  Do you want me upstairs with you or do you want me to sleep on the couch so you can have some privacy?"

Xander shrugged.  "I don't care, Sam.  Whatever you feel like."

"Can I sleep next to you?"  Xander shrugged again.  "Thank you."  He kissed him on the back of the neck.  "I should change the sheets.  I think I sweated through the last set."  He got out and dried off, heading up to do that while Xander finished his shower.  When he was done Sam took his own and checked on Dean before going up to bed to lay down next to his boyfriend.  Who was already asleep.  He smiled, shifting closer to hold him.  Xander mumbled something but a gentle squeeze and a soft nibble on his neck fixed that.  Though the groaned 'Spike' made him growl.  "Not Spike, Xander.  It's Sam."

"Sam?"

"Yes, me."  He looked down at him, seeing the smile.  "I'm here.  Spike's in Buffy's basement."  Xander sighed in pleasure and fell deeper into his dreams.  Sam could go ask Spike about that tomorrow and then stake him if he had touched Xander inappropriately.

***

to part 2:

Sam smiled at his brother about three weeks later, right about at the six or seven month mark.  "Did you need changed again?" he teased.  He undid the diaper, blinking when the bright fountain of pee arced out to hit him.

"Momma," Dean said happily.

"I know, you've been waiting this whole time to do that, haven't you?" he joked.  Dean smirked a bit, waving one hand.  "Fine."  He finished changing him and put on a new outfit since some had dribbled.  "Your aim sucked.  You got it on your jeans."  He tossed that and his t-shirt into the wash.  "There, better."  He leaned down to look at his brother.  "Do it again, watch me do it back," he said, making Dean cackle.  "That's my Dean."  He patted him on the head.  "What're we doing today since it's my day off?"

"Dada?" he asked.

"You wanted to go watch Xander?"  Dean scowled.  "Ah.  Figured that would come up sometime."  He leaned down again.  "You're still you and we know that but you're still being raised as my son, Dean.  That means a few things will change.  Including that Xander can teach you stuff too.  Xander knows electronics and he can help you learn more in that.  He knows more languages we don't so we can help you with that.  It'll be kinda neat if you learn how to swear in Sumerian or something."  Dean gave him an odd look.  Sam just smirked.  "Well, you're the one who keeps me up and keeps me from getting the sleep I need to be sane.  What did you expect, Dean?"

"Dada!" he said more firmly.

"Fine," he sighed.  "Let me shower.  We'll see if the witches can do a seance tonight."  He put Dean into his walker and went to take a shower, letting him wander around.  Nothing was down that could hurt him.  He heard him follow and grinned.  "Wanted to help?"  He started the water, then climbed in, taking a quick shower.  The look on Dean's face said he wasn't going to be put off any longer than necessary and any slowing down of his agenda would create a fit.  He came out and dried off, wrapping a towel around his hips.  "You know, we could go see Grandma Joyce."  Dean gave him a look like he was insane.  He sat down on the toilet, looking at him.

"They're new family, Dean; they love us both.  They spoil you rotten, er, and they love Xander and me together.  I'm not going to hurt them because you're freaked out.  It's bad enough you give Xander those looks that make him feel like he's less than useful or loved.  I do love him.  You can consider him a stepmother if you want.  After all, he did give birth to you."  Dean reached up so he let him check his forehead, weathering the scowl.  "That's what the rite was for, Dean.  So you could do this again."  He patted him on the head.  "Let me get dressed.  We'll talk on the drive over."  He went upstairs to dress and came back down to put on his shoes.  A quick grab of the diaper bag, their father's journal, and the car keys, and they were out the door.  Dean squealed when he saw his car.  "I know, no drives recently," he agreed.  "We've been too busy with work."  He moved the carseat up to the front, letting him look out the window for now.

"How's that?"  Dean smirked.  "Better?"  He got a nod.  "Good."  Sam slipped in a tape, having to flip it over because it was done.  "By the way, the CD player you listen to now and then has a cassette adapter so we can bring it along later on."  Dean stared at him.  "Okay, from the top then."  He put the car into reverse to back out of their parking spot then into drive so he could drive them around for a while.  "The rite that Annabelle and I did was to let you be reborn.  Only there was a slight goof thanks to the demon over that rite.  Instead of you being put into me, you got put into Xander.  He used it to stop a major bad thing out this way.  By the way, this is the hellmouth."  Dean shook his head.  "I know it's supposed to be mythical but the aunt named Buffy, the blonde you don't suck on and like to make dirty, she's the slayer.  Even more mythical.  Bobby nearly bowed to her when he came out."  Dean gave him a horrified look.  "Yeah, he decided you were cute.  Took home pictures."

He changed the song and watched the road again.  "Anyway, you were put into Xander.  I had to search for five months to find Xander since we thought this place was mythical and when I did find you, he was having a mood swing.  We talked.  We worked things out.  We slowly moved closer because I did agree with the demon, you deserved two parents this time."  He reached over to smooth down some of his hair.  "About time for a trim, Dean."  He turned onto another road, parking on an overlook to the beach so he could look at his brother.  "Anyway, we did the whole pregnancy thing and we got closer together.  I love Xander.  He still won't accept a proposal because he thinks you hate him and he can't teach you anything, so he's in the way, but I love him enough to offer it to him.  You depressed him horribly when you were first born and you didn't seem to like him.   I know he's not our Mom and he's definitely not Dad, but he's a hunter too and he's a really special, neat guy.  I'd like Xander even if it wasn't for you.  I can't seem to get that through his skull but I do."

"Dada?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, I know Dad would freak out.  Yay him.  He'd definitely hate the team here since we've got two witches, including the one who took guardianship when Annabelle died.  That's your Aunt Tara, the one you try to feed off of?  Her.  The redhead is Willow.  That's her girlfriend.  She's... well, she did something totally stupid and Xander's still ready to rip her head off.  She's been begging to make cookies and apologize.  I agree with Xander, what she did was unforgivable, but I don't hate her enough to carry the grudge when we could die any day.  Any of us.  Dad would really hate Spike the most though."  He grinned.  "That would be the blond, British guy who smokes?  Spike's a vampire."  Dean gave him a look like he was insane again.  "Not my fault.  The army chipped him so he helps Buffy, the slayer."  He shrugged.  "It happens I guess.  She's lived an incredibly long time thanks to her team, especially Xander since he brought her back to life."

He smoothed down that hair again.  "If you let yourself, you might find that you really like Xander too, Dean.  He's a special guy and he's a lot like you.  He reads multiple languages to help with the research thanks to a spell but he says he's dumb all the time.  Calls himself grunt support.  Now and then I want to spank him and make him see how special he really is.  He's helped Buffy defend this town tons of times.  Hell, he was going on patrol while pregnant with you.  We almost had to handcuff him when he got too big to safely escape if something happened. He pouted for weeks because he feels that it is his duty.  He helped take down some bad people in the military; the ones who chipped Spike so he can't hunt or hurt humans.  He's a special guy.  Even if you did kick him every time the girls started in on girl stuff or he had a mood swing.  I spent a lot of time rubbing your back because of that, Dean, and it was really unfair to him.  Not like he could help the cooing girls."  He smirked.  "Who did buy most of the clothes that you're now wearing."  Dean grimaced.  "Anyway, do you think you could give Xander a chance?  I think you'll see him like I do when you do finally forgive him for not being Mom."

"No," he said, shaking his head.

"Why not?"

"Fa..."  He groaned.  This was frustrating in the extreme.

"He's not family?  Dean, if I'm going to marry him, that makes him your brother-in-law and therefore family.  Even if Dad wouldn't like it.  He's mine.  I'm keeping him.  He's the best thing that's happened to me in a very long time.  He helped me work out a lot of the grief and anger I still had over Jess dying."

"De?" Dean asked.

"The family demon?  It's gone."  He gave him a sad smile.  "You must not remember it yet but it's gone.  You're safe."  Dean nodded, yawning some.  "If you really want to do a seance to talk to Dad from hell, we can do that.  If he starts to yell at Xander and me, I'm walking away after banishing him.  You're as much hell as either of us need."  Dean smirked at that.  "Agreed?"  He nodded.  "Then we'll go see if they can do that."  He started the car.  "I introduced Xander to Annabelle's series and he giggled his way through the first two books already.  He nearly went into early labor with the first one."

"How?"

"How did you get out?"  Dean nodded.  He lifted his shirt and shifted his pants down a bit.  "See the strange line?  In those that do the spell or attempt the spell that leads back to where the demon created a safe area.  Xander's is fully open because he had you.  Mine's still closed because the demon took you from me.  Like I said, I was going to do it, but the demon intervened."

"Dada no," he said quietly.

"I know he'll scream at me.  I think he'd rather have you here than in hell with him though.  Right?"  Dean nodded.  "Then he can yell."

"Dada?" he asked, nodding at his stomach.

He smirked, shaking his head.  "If we had known about it, maybe.  We would've needed some of his soul that was held pure.  We would've had to take him right before the demon's deal came due.  The same way I did yours.  Willow might be able to resurrect him.  She's that strong.  She's not a guardian witch either.  She's just really, really strong, even with being impure she's strong.  She's kinda scary she's so strong."  Dean gave him a look.  "I know but she's still working with the slayer and she's usually a good girl.  Now and then she annoys the crap out of me and I've thought about burning her at the stake for what she did to Xander by telling officers that we shouldn't have you but he won't let me."  He looked at him.  "Xander's got a good soul, Dean.  Just try, please?"

"Momma?"

"Yeah, you can call him that.  It'd probably make his year, Dean."  He leaned over to kiss him on the head.  "Thank you."  Dean grunted.  "What?"

"Momma Fa?"

"Xander's family?  No, you don't have any grandparents or aunts and uncles on that side other than the slayer's team.  His parents are worse than demons as far as I've heard.  Xander hasn't said any differently when people tell me those things.  Which is why you hurt him so much.  He wasn't going to have kids until this accident happened.  He didn't want a chance to screw up like they did.  Though he's not an alcoholic and he's not sneering at you so he can't possibly do that but he's trying to put that behind him.  The same as Willow's family abandoned her because she was smart and could handle some time on her own, nearly ten months out of the year all together."  Dean shuddered.  "Yup.  They don't know what a good family is but they've managed to make one without realizing it.  It's what makes them so special and your aunts.  Oh, if Anya comes near you, scream.  She's a former demon she's got a very skewed sense of the world.  She's not allowed to watch you until you're older."

He put the car in reverse.  "She one said she'd go buy a crack ho's baby so it'd have lower expectations if she couldn't pay enough attention to it.  She left you alone your third day in this world to go get coffee.  She's not allowed to babysit unless the world is ending and then she's to take you to Cordelia, who's slightly nicer than wolves from what I understand but she'll coo and fuss over your clothes too."  He backed off their spot, glaring at the person who was sitting in the bushes watching them.  "I have no idea who they are."  He used his phone to take a picture and kept going.  "We'll see.  Xander has a pretty good handle on all the bad guys around here.  Oh, hey, remember us laughing at the movies of vampires where you stake them and they turn into dust?  Around here they do."

Dean burst out cackling at that.  It was the funniest joke he'd ever heard.  At least until Sam parked in a cemetery and took him over to a crypt to show him.  Then Dean gave him a horrified look.  "Dada!" he shouted.

"I know, we're going.  Just proving it.  Buffy said you can't patrol until you're sixteen but you can learn all you want until then.  She can even help.  So can Mr. Giles."  He got him back into his car seat then walked around to drive them to the Magic Box.

Spike shook his head from his crypt.  "Bloody stupid big brother," he muttered, going back to bed.  "Slayer'll kick his arse for that and make sure her nummy toy's fine."

Sam walked them into the Magic Box, waving at Anya behind the register.  He handed Dean to Tara since she was pouting.  "There you go, Auntie Tara, one baby.  Who wants to talk to our father, who is in hell."

"We can do a seance," Anya said happily.  "I know how to do that."

Sam grinned at her.  "Thanks, Anya."

"Not a problem.  Can Xander come play?"

"Anya, if he tried to play with you I'd have to kill you both," he said bluntly.  She pouted.  "What's mine is mine.  Xander feels the same way.  No playing around on each other, ever."  She pouted worse.  "Tough."

"Fine, be that way then.  Who'll I get orgasms with now?"

"I don't know.  Go find an incubus?" he suggested.  She beamed and nodded, going to call a few old friends to see if they were busy.  He sat down beside Tara on the couch, looking at Dean then at her.  "We had to have a talk earlier."

"Did you spank him for the trying to puke on Buffy incident?"

"No, that was pretty funny," he admitted with a grin.  "Besides, he couldn't control it."

"She said she was going to because it finished ruining that outfit."

"We got her a new one," he reminded her, taking the baby back.  She stole him and cuddled him, making Dean hum into her breasts.  "Dean, she's not food.  Don't even think about it."

She smiled down at him.  "I love you but you're not my gender, dear."  Dean pouted at her, batting his big, green eyes.  "I love you even though you do have a dirty mind, Dean."  She kissed him on the forehead and turned him so he could watch the store.  "Just a seance?"

"Yup.  With banishing things handy just in case he starts to yell.  Dad could be a bit of a hardass now and then."  She nodded, understanding that.  "If he yells, feel free to let Willow and Buffy yell back at him before you banish him."  Dean gave him a look over her arm.  He grinned.  "He hurts Xander and I'm going to kick his ass."

Dean put his head back down, batting his lashes at her again.  She smiled, handing him something.  He looked then beamed at her, gumming on the cookie.  "All boys love cookies," she said, teasing his belly.  "I think Auntie Anya bought you that outfit."  Dean shuddered so she cuddled him.  "She's only a bit strange, Dean.  It's things like that which let us not freak out when Xander showed up pregnant with you.  Even if he did have to fix a few things at Buffy's house from his early panic attacks."  She looked over as Willow walked in with Buffy.  "Look who loves my cookies."

"Awww," Buffy said, taking him to cuddle.  "Hi, Dean."  He grinned at her, still sucking on the cookie.  "Such a good boy today.  You haven't tried to puke or poo on me yet.  I'm so proud."  She kissed him on the head, then let Willow hold him.  "I'm getting out of range before you change your mind.  Where's Anya?"

"I suggested she look up an incubus or two when she asked who she could have fun with."

"We don't need more sex demons in town, Sam.  They'll be drawn to Xander again.  You know that."

"I banished the last four that came for him, I can do these too, Buffy."  He grinned.  "Didn't you tease one?"

"Well, yeah.  I was missing having snuggles too; until Anya knew him he was cute."  She beamed and went to the kitchen to get a drink.  "So why bring the adorable growing one there out today?"

"He wanted to do a seance with our dad."

"Ah," she said, nodding a bit.  "You let him suck up to Anya already?"

"No, he went to Auntie Tara because she was pouting."  Tara gave him a look and took the baby back.  "Plus she steals him."

"I guess she would get favored auntie status since she's his official babysitter," she decided.  "Mom wanted to know if she could watch him during patrol tonight."

"Sure.  I don't mind.  I know Xander doesn't.  When did Grandma want him?"

"Anytime after dinner she said."

"That's cool with us."  She bounced off to call her mom.  He looked at Dean.  "Grandma Joyce is the one who reads you the mysteries."  Dean snuggled in again, yawning a bit.  "Can we set that up after Xander gets off work?"

"Sure, I can start laying it out now," Willow promised, going to do that.

"Is this a good idea?" Tara asked quietly.

"It's not my favorite one but we can banish him if he turns into the uber asshole."  He gave her a hug.  "Thank you for taking such good care of us, Tara."  She smiled and gave him a cookie too.  "You know, if we ever want to have more kids, we're going to come to you for eggs."  She squealed, giving him a real hug around the baby. Dean gave him a look.  "Yes, Xander could have another one if he wanted a normal kid that he had to love and raise and cuddle all the time.  The same way he had you, Dean."  He grinned at her.  "I left it up to him."

She kissed him on the cheek.  "You don't want them that close together anyway, Sam.  You're going to have your hands full with Dean for the next two years."

"I know but maybe a little brother or sister would be nice.  We're already missing sitting down to cuddle with him after a bad patrol or a long day."  He smoothed down that hair again.  "It's definitely time for a haircut."

"Mine," Dean ordered.

"Yeah, yours.  Mine got cut last week when the vampire grabbed it and did it for me. Of course the same one tried to rip Xander's clothes off him."  He shrugged.  "He went poof too."

"Buffy was happy with his plans," she reminded him.

"I know, I've heard about it since then," he said dryly.  He checked his watch then called Xander since they should be on break.  "We're at the Magic Box.  Dean wanted to talk to our dad so we're doing a seance later on then Grandma's watching him during patrol.  Sure.  Please?  Of course I want you here, Xander.   If he says shit about you then I'm banishing him back to hell and letting something else have him too."  Tara cooed at that.  Dean just stared at him.  He stared back.  "No, we'll do dinner before patrol.  Pizza?"  He grinned.  "That's great.  I'll see you in a few hours.  No, we had a short drive and it was good.  Love you."  He hung up, getting a hug from Tara.  "I know, we're cute together," he teased her.  "Nearly as cute as you and Dean are."

She swatted him gently.  "I still don't like boy parts that way."

Sam beamed at Dean.  "There's more gay people in Sunnydale if you by portion of the population than there is anywhere but South Beach in Florida.  We even beat San Francisco."

Dean patted Tara's pocket down for another cookie, getting one with a smile and a kiss on the forehead.  He and his brother would be talking when he was older.  It'd only be a few months until he could scream at him again.

Willow bounced out.  "We need something of your dad's for the calling."

"It won't be hurt, right?"

"No, just as a focus," she said.  Sam pulled out the old journal, handing it over.  She beamed.  "Perfect."  She went to put it into place.  "We can go whenever you want to, Sam."

"I said Xander could be here."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Tara asked quietly.  "Let him rant first for a bit?"

Sam nodded, taking Dean back to the work area.  "Okay, let's go now."  He settled in a space in front of the journal but out of the way.  She lit the candles magically and did the short chant, calling up the spirit.  John slowly faded into view, staring at him.  "Hi, Dad.  Say hi, Dean."

"Da!" he said, waving with a shit-eating grin.

"Son, what did you do?" he asked.

"I saved Dean from following you into hell for saving me."

John sighed.  Sam realized that's where he got the parental sigh from.  "By?"

"Having him reborn.  Annabelle started it, I finished it. Though there was a slight change by the one over the rite.  It sent Dean into another vessel.  I was fully prepared to have and raise him but it decided he needed two parents this time."

"It's scary because Xander's uber father," Willow assured him.

"You would be?"

"Dean's Auntie Willow," she said happily.  "White witch to the slayer."  The ghost backed away from her.  "The oops from the demon brought Dean to Sunnydale so Sam came.  He and Xander are so cute together," she said, pinching Sam's cheek.  He gave her a look so she backed down.  "You are.  Especially when Dean used to kick him so you hovered and stroked his belly until Dean calmed down."

John shook his head quickly, looking at his son again.  "Now what's going to happen?"

"We found out early on that he's going to have an accelerated growth now that he's born," Willow told him.  "A year a month until he's his old age."  John looked at her again.  "The demon over the rite said so."

"It also said sending him to Xander cured a lot of higher problems and made him very amused, Dad," Sam said, looking down at Dean.  "Want me to change that now or later?"  Dean patted Sam's hands on his stomach.  "Sure.  If you're okay I'm good for a little while."  He looked at his father again.  "Dean wanted to call."

"I see."  He floated down.  "Dean is going to be reraised like I would want?"

"Xander and I are going to be working with him to make sure his body's at least as good as it was before he died.  We're starting self-defense when he's five.  Latin and Spanish when he's four.  He can learn any martial arts he wants from anyone around here.  Including Buffy and Mr. Giles."  Buffy bounced in with a soda.  "Buffy, this is our father, John Winchester."

"Hi, Buffy Summers."  She waved and sat down, stealing the baby.  "Here, you can cuddle me for a bit, Dean."  She looked at him then at Sam.  "We have to change him right away when he does it to us."

Sam stood up, taking Dean to change him.  "He wanted to wait so we didn't tire Willow out," he complained on the way out.

Buffy smiled at John.  "I'll make sure Dean's up to my best-slayer-ever standards, Mr. Winchester.  When he's sixteen we'll let him start to patrol to make sure he can.  Plus Xander knows explosives and electronics stuff so he can teach him that too."

"Xander is a guy?"

"Yeah.  The spell called for a male to be the vessel to give birth," Willow told him. "They're very cute."  She grinned at Buffy then at him again.  "Tara and I don't mind them at all before you ask.  Sunnydale has a large gay population so they're safe here while Dean's growing up again.  The only thing they have to worry about is vampires and demons, well and Anya and Dru."

"Dru said she'd leave the baby alone," Buffy reminded her.  "That way we didn't have to make Angel go insane and try to kill us all.  I don't think I could send him to hell again."  She sipped her water, taking the baby back when he was brought back in.  "There, be an auntie cuddle toy since I nearly flunked a test earlier."  Dean sighed but settled in comfortably.  "Good boy.  You know who loves you," she cooed.

Sam sat down again.  "They claimed auntie rights when Xander ended up pregnant.  They've been very good to us, Dad.  Including buying Dean a lot of clothes."

"Shopping's good stress relief since I don't have a snuggly of my own," Buffy quipped.

John looked at his son.  "Something you forgot to mention, Sammy?"

"About?" he asked.

"Xander?"

"He's a very nice guy," he agreed.  "Even if I hadn't done this I probably would've fallen hard for him, Dad.  He understands.  He's been hunting with Buffy since they were both sixteen.  He's twenty-one before you ask.  We have good jobs on the local construction crew.  We've been keeping in touch with Bobby while we've been here.  He's already came out once to see me and Dean."  Dean gave him a dirty look.  "Dean doesn't like that there's new baby pictures of him but oh well."  He looked at his father again, grinning some.  "I don't care if you can't accept Xander and I, Dad.  Xander gave birth to Dean.  If it had been anything other than the magical accident it was I would've been there with a preacher and a ring, as you taught us.  As is, he's worried about Dean and what Dean thinks so he won't accept my proposal."

"You proposed?"

Willow nodded.  "Tara said he did the first night."

"And about four times since then," Xander agreed as he walked in.  He sat down beside Sam, giving him a hug.  "From the boss.  I've got tomorrow off to watch him while you run the gas lines."  Sam nodded at that.  "He said you're getting really good at plumbing with all the practice he's given you recently."  He looked over at Buffy.  "Give me back my son, woman."

She pouted.  "I nearly flunked a test."

"I nearly fell off a scaffold.  Get Willow to hack your grades.  Not like you're going for a degree."  She pouted but handed him down.  "Thank you.  Hi, Dean.  Did you and Sam have a good drive?"  The baby smiled at him.  "That's good.  We like it when you're happy.  Then you sleep at night so you don't drive me nuts.  We'll even get to do laundry tomorrow if Sam didn't."  Sam groaned, shaking his head.  "That's fine.  Dean likes to go ride around in the laundry baskets at the laundromat."  He looked at the guy's spirit hanging there.  "I'm going to assume here, but you're their dad John?"  He nodded.  "Hi, Xander."  He waved and turned Dean around, looking at him.  "Good enough or do you want dinner before going to see Grandma Joyce?"

"Dada," he said, pointing.

Xander beamed.  "Brilliant of you, Dean.  You must've sucked up some of Sam's brains before the demon transferred you to me."  He kissed him on the forehead and turned him back around, straightening out his shirt.  "There, talk to him.  He could probably use the happies of talking to you."

Dean looked at his dad.  "Good?"

"I'm fine, son.  Are you okay?"  Dean beamed and licked the last bit of chocolate from his hand.

"I think he means beyond Tara's cookies," Buffy told him.

"Momma," Dean said, waving a hand at Sam, getting a snicker from Sam.  "Momma too," he said, waving at Xander.  "Good."

"At least you're doing all right so far."  He looked at Xander.  "I set high standards for my boys, Xander."

"I've hunted with the slayer since I was sixteen, John.  He'll be more than trained to defend himself and we'll let him learn whatever he wants to.  Sam's going to work on that since you trained him and I trained myself.  I'm going to be working with them but Sam said he can handle that part if I do a lot of the other stuff."  Dean stared up at him. "What?"  Dean spit.  "That's not polite and you don't do that around girls.  Willow turns you into a salamander for that."  Dean gave him a look like he was insane.

"He's too young to transform," Willow told him.  "I'd only correct him this time."  She stared at the baby.  The baby spit at her.  She swatted him gently.  Xander smacked her back.  "Hey!"

"My son," he said patiently.  He turned Dean around to look at him. "There are other ways of getting your point across, Dean.  Spitting is for bullies, stupid kids, and those who have brain damage.  You're not stupid, you had better not end up a bully, and you don't have brain damage.  Am I clear?"  Dean nodded.  "Good."  He kissed him on the head.  "Now, you wanted to talk to him?"  He turned him back around, letting him look at his father again.

"I would've smacked him on the mouth," John said.

Xander looked at him.  "If we start hitting him he'll turn out like me.  Then when he's twenty-one you can be a great-grandfather."  John gave him a horrified look.  He looked at Sam, leaning over to kiss him, handing him the baby.  "I think this should be between you two for now."

"If you're sure."

"I am.  Let me clean up from work."  He took another kiss before leaving.

Sam looked at his father.  "Don't upset Xander, Dad.  Please?  We've had a lot of struggles over the last few months.  Beyond what normal babies give."  Dean looked up at him.  "Yes, that stuff we talked about."  Dean shrugged, snuggling back into his stomach.  Willow inched over.  "No."  She pouted but moved back.  Buffy gave him a hopeful look. "I can hold him, guys, really."  Dean laughed.  He looked at his father again. "He'll have all his old memories, Dad.   We'll make sure he can use his body just as well as he used to.  You don't have to worry that Dean won't be able to hunt.  When he's ready he'll be able to hunt and track just as well.  Actually, Xander might know how to track in the woods so he can up that skill too."  Dean gave him a look.  "He might."

"He does," Buffy assured him.  "The halloween stuff gave it to him."  She stole the baby back, smiling at him.  "My turn!"

Dean patted her on the nose.  "Momma," he said, pointing at Sam.

"No, my turn."  She snuggled him.  "I still need love and it's you or Spike, kid. Suck up the cuddles.  They're good for you.  My mother said so.  She did it to me and look at me now.  I survived *way* past when they thought I shouldn't."

He gave Sam a look but let her cuddle him.  "Dada?" he said, looking at John.

"She looks cuddly and your mother did cuddle you a lot, son."  He looked at Sam.  "I'm not happy you did this rite."

"You'd rather have him beside you on the wall in hell?"

"No, and you knew that.  There wasn't another way?"

"Not that I found.  Annabelle started it.  I had to finish it after she passed on."

John sighed.  "I knew she'd save him some day.  Not like that but I knew she'd save him."

Sam stood up to get closer to him.  "She gave up her life to save Dean, Dad.  Do not make light of that.  She did it because she grew to love him enough to do that.  I'm not going to let you make fun of it."

"I'm not.  That was her decision.  I'm glad she did it.  I still don't like that you went to a higher demon."

"The choices were him or death, Dad.  I'd rather have Dean here, even if I do have to change his diapers for a few months."

"What about when you go back on the road?"

"Xander and I are together whether or not you like it.  He's damn special to me.  Special enough that I would've been with him even without this rite.  Even if he doesn't want to see it because he's been so traumatized by others in his life, I'm still keeping him.  He's mine."

"I didn't raise you this way," he said coolly.

"You didn't raise me. You trained us."  John glared. "I'm not letting you hurt my family, Father.  That does include Dean."

Dean tried to whistle but it wasn't working.  He poked Buffy and made tweeting noises.  She whistled for him.  "No!" he shouted.

Sam smiled.  "That's right, we shouldn't fight this time, Dean.  Thank you for reminding me."  He took him to cuddle, calming himself down.  "He wanted to talk to you and check on you.  He can do it again in a few months when he's older and can talk better.  Willow?"

"Sam, you've already kicked over a candle," Buffy pointed out.  "If it didn't break...." She looked down at Willow.  "Did we goof?"

"No."  She sulked.  "I'm sure we can banish him, Sam."

He walked off, getting some salt, coming back to toss it into the summoning circle.  His father faded.  "See you around the holidays, Dad."  He picked up Dean, looking at him.  "We should find the other mommy, huh?"  He walked off with him.

Willow looked over at Buffy.  "I didn't think Sam had a temper."

"Everyone has a temper for some things," Buffy said.  "Some things are less important though."  She stood up and dusted herself off.  "Want help cleaning up?"

"No, I can do an air sweep."  She nodded, leaving her to it.  Willow blew out the candles and looked at the salt.  "Salt?  I never heard about that one."  She gathered up everything without doing the banishing rite.  She came back to clean up the area and found him back.  "Ooooh.  The salt didn't banish you?"

"It breaks up the spirit for a bit," he said dryly.  "You don't work with spirits?"

"No.  We have more vampires than anything. That's why we have a slayer here.  Buffy's very good at it.  We've been helping her since tenth grade."  She sat down again.  "So, how was Sam growing up?"

"Mouthy and smart."

She beamed. "Like me then.  That's kinda cool."  She looked outside then at him.  "Sam and Xander are very good to Dean.  Xander's got the scary protective thing going.  He nearly killed me because I said something I shouldn't and a cop showed up.   He nearly killed Anya when she left the baby alone for a few minutes to get coffee and an insane vampiress showed up to play with him.  He nearly killed the vampiress too but that would've caused some deep kimchee with some of our allies.  He got to hit her before Spike and Buffy walked her out."  Buffy leaned in.  "Salt makes them incorporeal for a few minutes."

"Wow.  Think we should do a banishing before Sam or Xander lose it this time?"

"I will soon.  I'm telling him what a good daddy Xander is."

"Okay."  She went back to the front of the shop.  "Sam, he's still here."  Sam groaned. "Willow's assuring him you're both great parents."

"Willow, banish him," he called.  "Please?"

"I will in a minute," she called.  She smiled at John.  "He's picky and fussy sometimes but he hovered protectively over Xander while he was pregnant.  He let Xander set any boundaries he wanted.  They took the 'ship stuff very slowly so Xander could make sure Sam wasn't just there for the baby."

"That's how I raised my boys.  Family above everything else."

"Well, Sam certainly proved that," she said dryly.  "I mean, he was going to let his brother be born from his body to save him.  If that doesn't scream 'protecting my family' I don't know what does."

"Xander's a hunter?"

"He's our backup, weapons, and planning support," she said happily.  "My witch Tara and I are, of course, magic support.  We'll be going on patrol later if you wanted to follow subtly.  I think you deserve the right to get to know your son-in-law but if they find out I didn't banish you I'll be in deeper with Xander and Sam.  No amount of cookies will be able to fix that.  Agreed?"  He nodded.  "Thanks."  She stood up and dusted herself off again.  "Anyway, we're going to have a small research party with pizza and then go on patrol while Grandma Joyce watches Dean."

"His mother?"

She snorted.  "No!  I wouldn't give her anything to watch.  Not even something like Pinhead, or something really nasty that would kill her.  I certainly wouldn't give her a baby.  Joyce is Buffy's mom.  She's been very good and supportive since she found out Buffy's a slayer.  She's helped a lot and she let Xander have a lot of mood swings around her to calm him down again.  He had a bad habit of throwing things and slamming doors.  He had to fix Joyce's front door four times before Sam showed up but only once afterward."

"Then my boy did right by the baby at least."

She stared at him.  "Sam loves Xander enough to be miserable when they fight.  They had a bad one right after the baby was born and Xander went to sleep on Joyce's couch.  Sam looked a lot worse than Xander."  John gave her a long look.  "Xander didn't feel like there was much he could teach him, that he was just a womb.  He's not right, because Sam loves him, but he thought that.  He was being a poopie head but it was also the last of the hormones going off."  She shrugged.  "As we found out, hormones make you do strange stuff.  I learned all I ever wanted to know about pregnancy watching his.  I don't need to have any now."   She beamed.  "Then again, Xander is the uber daddy too.  Him and Tara are great with Dean.  Sam's good too but Xander doesn't flinch at diapers or midnight feedings.  He reads to the baby.  Even before he was born he read to the baby.  Tara got him a music set to keep him calm so he wouldn't kick the snot out of Xander when we got fussy around him.  We spoil Dean rotten."

"He won't be a sorcerer," he told her.

She shrugged.  "Magic's not for everyone.  It's especially not for Xander."  She beamed.  "Xander has a habit of making spells go odd."

"Willow," Xander called.  "Send him home to his mommy and come research."

"Coming."  She gave John a look, getting a nod that he'd be subtle.  She leaned closer.  "Xander's got possession issues," she said quietly.  "So don't get too close.  He might be able to feel you."  She skipped out while John figured out how to hide himself better.

John listened to the young people out front.  Dean was helping research by helping Sam eat his pizza for now.  It still wasn't right.  Only a Winchester should raise another Winchester and Dean was his son, not that guy's and Sam's.  Sam wasn't him and clearly he had went wrong somewhere with him if he thought he'd accept this situation.  When they went out on patrol he checked the woman who was watching Dean for a few minutes.  She was nice.  A motherly sort telling Dean how her daughter had been his size once.  Even showing him pictures.  Dean was laughing at a few so he peeked too.  There were a few cute ones.

"Having a slayer for a daughter does mean that she's told me when spirits are around," Joyce said calmly, turning the page on the photo album.

John faded in.  "I met your daughter earlier.  She's a what?"

She looked at him. "Vampire Slayer.  According to the histories the line was started back in caveman days to defeat the demons running the world back then."  She looked at Dean, who patted the princess picture.  "That's true, Sam did say that your group thought the town and her were mythical."  She looked at him.  "I'm Joyce Summers. You?"

"John Winchester.  Sam and Dean's father."

"You did a nice job on Sam.  He's a polite, loving young man.  I only wish Buffy had taste like Xander does instead of going after dangerous men."  She smiled at Dean.  "Then again you two could hang out when you're older.  Maybe you can introduce her to someone nice?"  He grinned at her.  She tweaked his nose.  "You're being a good boy tonight, Dean.  Thank you."  He nuzzled his cheek on her shoulder, making her laugh.  "You suckup you," she teased.  She pointed at a picture.  "That was her first ten minutes on skates.  She does okay now but then she kept falling down as soon as she stood up."  Dean giggled.  "Her dad got her the ballerina outfit to wear out on the ice.  Sometimes I don't know what was wrong with that man.  It's clear he didn't appreciate classical beauty and brains."  She stroked over his hair.  "Nearly time for that first haircut.  We'll make sure Sam takes you to someone nicer than whoever does his mop."  She went back to the pictures.  "That's Buffy's tenth birthday party.  She had the flu but she was determined to have a party anyway.  She even kept herself from being sick during it.  Mostly by going outside to get away from some people drenched in perfume."  She turned the page.  "That's her twelfth birthday.  Her father has the only copy of her eleventh and I couldn't get it back or make a copy because he's an asshole."  He patted her hand.  "I know.  I'll find a nice man again someday.  One who appreciates me and Buffy both."

Dean grinned.  "Dada?"

"No, I don't like dangerous men and Sam's much too young for me."  He giggled. "Did anyone tell you about the love spell that went horribly wrong?"  Dean shook his head.  "Hmm.  You should ask about that when you're older.  It was a bit fun hitting on Xander when he was a teenager because of the spell."  She turned the page again.  "There's a picture you can use to taunt her into not dressing you cutely.  Her last halloween trick-or- treating.  Her best friends challenged her to go as a nurse.  They even got her the costume.  I threw a very loud fit.  Three of the neighbors called the cops and she managed to sneak out while I was screaming at them too."  Dean stared at the slutty nurse outfit then at her.  "Oh, she got grounded and their parents got calls too.  They got grounded too.  One even lost her trust fund shopping trip that year.  Her mother was not pleased since all the girls were going out in stuff that was equally slutty.  She didn't want to be a grandmother."  She smirked.  "She claimed she was too young and pretty.  That's why she paid the plastic surgeon fifteen thousand a year to keep her that way."  Dean gave her an odd look.  She nodded.  "Buffy grew up around them."

"No," he said, shaking his head.

"I know.  I should've had more sense but Hank had my nose up and I was stupid back then too.  Thankfully we have much better taste now.  Or she would if she quit dating commandos and vampires and ... well, I think that's all she has dated.  One commando and two vampires."  She shrugged, going back to the pictures.  She giggled when she found one.  "This is the halloween the chaos sorcerer hit.  Buffy got the gown at his shop and he turned all the costumes from his shop into something that would turn you into them.  So she turned into an airhead lady from the seventeenth century.  Thankfully Xander went as a soldier and saved her butt.  Willow was a ghost but Buffy had been trying to dress her up like a prostitute so she could get Oz.  She was mortally embarrassed to be running around in Buffy's skirt and slutty top.  But Xander saved the day," she sighed, smiling at him.  "He even kept Spike from eating her that night."  She looked out at the hallway.  "No good fights tonight, Spike?"

"Dru's back.  I'm hiding and making sure she doesn't come for the baby again.  Before his da's hear and come to beat me bloody."

"Why is she back?"

He shrugged.  "Likes that one."  He came in to look, snickering.  "I remember Her Airheadedness that night.  Needed a bloody crown, woman."

She swatted him.  "No swearing in front of the baby, Spike."

"Fine."  He looked down at the boy then vamped out at the ghost.  "Who're you, pillock?"

"Dada," Dean said.  He ran a hand over Spike's duster.  "Oooh."

Spike smirked at him.  "I know, it's good leather.  Had it for a few decades now.  Broken in just right."  He looked at the ghost again.  "Whelp know you're bothering his boy?  He's got fierce tempers about that subject.  Nearly killed my dark princess because she was bouncing him on her knee."

"Dru actually *touched* Dean and she's living?" Joyce asked, looking horrified.  "Did you knock Xander out?"

"He hit her, luv."  He smirked.  "Punched her nicely.  We drug her out.  He knows it'll cause more problems to stake 'er.  Left it to Her Blondeness and me."  He picked up the baby, looking at him.  "You bein' naughty?"  He sniffed him.  "Yeah, guess you are."  He handed him back.  "Dru's out by the college for some reason."

"I'll warn them while I'm changing him, Spike.  Thank you for the guarding.  Want some cocoa?  I know she depresses you."

"Nah, I'm good this time," he promised with a grin.  "Stinky butt there needs you more before his arse brings a demon that things it's a relative."  She laughed, heading up the stairs.  He stared at the ghost.  "Go bother the boys.  She's safe enough.  Raised Buffy to be one of the best ever."

"Only one of us should raise a Winchester, whoever you are."

"Spike, mate.  Killed two slayers in the past.  Unfortunately the government wanted me to take your jobs."  The ghost sneered at him.  "Guard them now."  He called them.  "Think Sam's not enough?  He is your son."  He smirked at the angry sounding voice.  "Dru's by the college.  Yeah, I'm here.  Should ease up on it.  Changing him.  Made some demons smell pleasant again.  Of course.  Oh, tell Sam his relative's got a scowl like a Pokemon.  I've seen better scowls on minions."  He hung up and went to have a smoke on the front porch.

John glared at his back.  "This is not the right place for my firstborn son to be reraised."

***

Buffy hung up.  "Xander, Sam, stay really calm but Dru's back in town by the college.  Spike's guarding my mom and the baby.  Oh, and Sam, she never banished him.  Spike said he scowled like a Pokemon and he'd seen scarier minions."

"Harmony comes to mind," Xander said dryly.  "He's not bothering your mom, right?"

"No, she can send him back to hell with his butt blistered if she needs to.  Remember, she raised me, Xander."

"Good point."

"She was probably showing him the embarrassing baby pictures too.  She's had baby envy."  She shrugged.  "Want to hit the other side of town, far, far away from the college while I go drive her off again?"

"We saw the Angel mobile by the Bronze," Xander said dryly.

She squealed, calling him.  Sam took her phone once she got to the babbling stage.  "Angel, Sam Winchester.  Should your batty little daughter come near my son again I will be staking her.  I suggest you take her with you when you leave, once whatever is done with."  He handed it back and walked Xander off again.  "What do you think about learning a martial arts style then street brawling?"

Xander considered it.  "It'd help with his balance and the tripping stuff as he grew."

"It would, that's what I was thinking," he agreed, putting an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders.  "I'm sorry about Dad."

"I'm sorry if I have to kill his stupid ass."  Xander looked at him, getting a nod of understanding.  Xander was going to protect his baby, even from his grandfather.  "Should we warn others that he's back?"

"Probably not.  If he's a ghost they'll banish him.  Bobby might know where he's buried so we can go salt and burn his corpse."  Xander grinned.  "I love my dad but he's a stubborn bastard, especially about Dean, Xander."

"I guess that's why Dean wanted to call him?"

"Yeah.  Dean's like a miniature version of Dad now and then.  Though he did play peacemaker when Dad and I fought.   He protected me even from that temper coming out."  He took a kiss before moving to stake the vampire rushing at them.  Xander got a few on his side and it was good.  He grinned, dusting his face off for him then kissing him again.

"Awww, I'm gonna retch," a female voice said.

"Shut up, Cordelia," Xander said, taking another kiss.  He grinned.  "My ex heathen bitch, Cordy.  She's a seer too.  Maybe you two should talk about the vision stuff?"

"Maybe.  If I don't stake her for being a mean bitch to you."  He looked over Xander's shoulder.  "You mind?  He's barely able to have cuddles after having the baby."   She gave him a horrified look.  He smirked at her.  "Hi, I'm Sam."

"I thought Sam was a girl!" she shouted.

"Harris isn't gay," Angel called as he walked off to find Buffy.  "Of course she is."

"No, I'm not.  Thank you anyway.  Do I need to moon you to prove it?" Sam called, making Xander cackle.  "Come on.  Buffy, incoming non-dangerous sorts, probably!"

"No probably about it.  No leather pants so he hasn't slipped his soul this time."  He looked at Cordelia, who was still giving him a horrified look.  "Yes, he's better at cuddling than you ever were and he gives fantastic head but doesn't have the practiced ease of some girls.  Anything else you wanna know?"

She squeaked.  "Angel!"  He came jogging over.  She pointed.  "Wrong!  So very, very wrong!  Fix it!" she babbled.

Buffy strolled over with Willow and Tara.  "Ah, you met Sam.  Sam, this is Angel, my former snuggly and the present Champion for the Powers That Be in LA.  The other is Cordelia, a former slayerette and now a seer for Angel."

"Xander told me about her."  He held out a hand with a smile.  "I won't beat you if you don't hurt him."

"Well, at least you're evil and slightly scary, his type," she said dryly.  Xander growled.  She sneered at him.  "You hush before I have to watch him give you belly scratches too."  She shook his hand.  "Cordelia Chase, the classy one among the slayerettes."

"Cordelia, let's not make enemies," Angel ordered.  He nodded at Sam.  "Sorry, Harris kept saying he wasn't gay."

"I knocked him up so of course we're together now."   He walked Xander off.  "We're heading back to pick up the baby, Buffy."

"Sure.  We're heading that way too.  That way Angel can tell my mom what sort of slime she's helping me wash out of clothes this time."  She walked them off, smiling at them.  "Xander's a very good daddy to little Dean, who used to be Sam's big brother but Dean sold his soul to save Sam's life so Sam had to do this spell thingy that would've let him carry Dean, but the demon stepped in and moved him to Xander so Xander became a mommy."

"Wow with the Willow babble, Buff," Cordelia said dryly.

"Tara's not letting me babble today," Willow told her.  Tara pinched her.  "You're not."

"B...banish him?" she said quietly.

"Oops.  I'll do it later.  Maybe he can see how good we really are so he won't worry about us teaching Dean to hunt."  Sam shot a look back at her, getting a smile and a wave back.  "What?"

"Banish him, Willow.  Before he makes us lose our tempers."

"Fine.  When we get to Joyce's."  They hung back some.  "I didn't think Sam had a temper."

"Only over Xander and the baby," Tara said quietly, looking at her.

"Dean wanted to talk to him," she protested.

"Willow."

"Fine," she muttered.  "Let me get stuff from the Magic Box."  She went to do that.  She ran into Giles.  "Angel and Cordy are up.  Sam's already promised to stake Cordy unless she had a leash.  Angel apologized for thinking Sam was a girl.  I've got to banish their daddy's ghost before Xander finds a way to do it."  She found what she needed, paid the reduced 'scoobie' rate, then headed to Joyce's.  She walked in a few minutes later. "I told Giles," she announced.  She mixed what she needed and tossed it onto the ghost, watching him fade out.  "Better."  She smiled at them. "See, good me."

"Thank you," Xander said from the couch, looking at the baby.  "You can call him back when you can hold a full conversation, Dean.  That good enough?"  The baby nodded, yawning and snuggling in.  "Sure, I'm still comfy to nap on.  You rest, Dean."  He stroked his back until he fell asleep, then looked at the staring people. "What?  He's my son.  I should cuddle and love him.  I'm told that's what good parents do."

"Um, yeah," Cordelia said.  "How did you get pregnant?"

"Spell," Sam said, handing Xander a soda before sitting down next to him.  "Hey, napping.  I'm happy."  He grinned at the others.  "So what sort of problem was it?"

"Cordelia had a vision," Angel said.

"Major stakeage, Buffy.  Lots and lots of vampires all running here to get away from something."

Buffy grimaced.  "Interesting.  Any idea when?"

"There was a small thing in the blue prophecy book about a demon that hunts vampires," Sam offered.  "I wasn't sure if it was another sort of hunter or maybe a slayer, but it said a demon was hunting vampires and they were going to be running for their bastian of strength if I remember how they worded it."

"Their what of strength?" Buffy asked.

"Bastian, it's like a home or a castle.  The place that you hole up in when you're being attacked," Sam told her.

"Oh!  Okay."  She nodded.  She looked at Angel.  "The Bronze?"

He shrugged. "It could be.  It could be the Master's lair too."

"At least we know where they are," Buffy decided.  "What's hunting them?" she asked Cordelia.

She shrugged. "I haven't seen that.  All I saw was a biblical exodus of vampires."

"We might even get to pull out the flamethrowers for that," Xander said happily, grinning at Sam.  "You think?"

"Maybe," he agreed.  He grinned at him.  "Want to help me clean the guns later?"

"Sure."  He snuck a kiss then checked the baby before looking at them.  Angel was giving them a strange look.  "He was taught military style."

"Ah."  He nodded and left it there.

Cordelia, of course, couldn't.  "You two are so cute it's gagging."  Xander flipped her off.  "And what's with the cuddling?"

"He's a baby, he needs cuddles to feel safe and loved," Xander told her.

"Not him, the bigger baby!"

"Only I get to call Sam baby, Cordy.  Get over it already.  It was better sex when I was pregnant than Anya was giving me.   He's cute, smart, he nearly went to law school, and he's mine now.  Suck it up.  I bagged one of the prizes in the man hunting olympics."  Sam blushed at that.  "If you don't like it, don't watch it when I get cuddly and cute with him.  Not like I'm gonna jump him in public like you nearly did to me a few times."  He gave her an arch look.  "Anything else?"

"Stop!" Dean shouted, rubbing his forehead.

"Sorry, kiddo.  For her that's foreplay but we won't fight anymore," Xander soothed, stroking his back.  "Go back to your nap.  We'll go home soon."  Dean looked at him.  "We will.  We're hearing about the big problem, which we'll talk about for a bit, then we'll head home."  Dean frowned but put his head back down, staring at the others.  He pointed.  "The big, dark one is Angel.  The other one is Cordelia.  I used to date her."  Dean gave him a look then looked at Sam with a 'save me' look.

"He has much better taste now, huh?" he teased, taking the baby to cuddle.  "You go back to sleep.  We'll head home soon."  Dean grumbled but put his head back down.  His tiny body was still tired a lot.  It would be for months yet.  Sam grinned when he heard the first huff of a snore.  "There we go, Dean.  It's all good again," he said quietly.  He shifted, letting Xander support him a bit while he got something from his back pocket.  "There, now I'm not sitting on the bolts."

"You don't stake?" Cordelia asked.  "Even *I* staked vampires."

He looked at her, giving her that bored look.  "I was trained to shoot them."  She snorted.  "Usually with a shotgun.  I can get some so you can look at the shells.  That way you don't mess up your nails or overly expensive outfit."

"Enough," Xander said.  "I agree with the son.  No more fighting.  It's not we're going to bring you into our bedroom, Cordy.  Enough with the high school style foreplay."  He glared at her.

"Don't make him growl again, please," Buffy said quickly.  "There's been a few threats to Dean that've made Xander growl and go all hyena over his family.  Leave the cuteness alone because Sam makes Xander see sense even when he's mid-mood swing and throwing stuff at us."  She shook her head quickly but her mother patted her on the arm.  "Thanks, Mom.  Were you that bad?"

"Worse.  Your father had to go to the ER four times during my second trimester.  If you get pregnant, we'll...."

"Give them a stun gun so they can knock you out before you rip their heads off," Xander assured her, making Joyce laugh.  "Do I still need to fix the door, Joyce?"

"No, you fixed it after the last one, Xander.  Thank you for that."  He beamed. "Now, is there more to talk about tonight?  Do we know when they're coming?"

"It was fairly soon," Cordelia offered.  "Not fall.  Willow wasn't wearing sweaters yet.  She was wearing a green t-shirt."

Willow checked her present outfit then sighed in relief.  "Not tonight but soon I guess.  It's starting to get chilly."

"Hopefully they won't be hairdressing and clothing ripping vampires," Buffy teased.  Both guys shrugged.  "Tell me that wasn't funny."

"We're comfy, what do we care if the vamps don't like his hair or my shirts," Xander told her.  He stood up.  "Let me know when we need a plan, people.  I've got to get the son to bed."  He took the baby from Sam, putting on the baby backpack system.  "Okay, are we driving?"

"We walked from the store and walked to work this morning," Sam reminded him.

"Oh, yeah.  I'm out of gas."  He waved.  "Later, peoples."  They walked out together, Sam reloading his crossbow just in case.

"Okay, that is freakier than anything on this hellmouth," Cordelia announced.  "He was pregnant?"  Joyce found the baby book she had started for Xander, letting her have it.  She squeaked and Angel had to help her sit down.  "No, wrong!  Very wrong!  Even worse wrong than Xander hooking up with a smart guy!"

"We like them together," Buffy said impatiently.  "Blow it out your butt, Cordelia."  She gave her a look.  "He makes Xander happy.  Happy enough that Xander let Sam fuss over him.  True mother henning, stomach petting, let us coo over him too fussing.  Even if Dean did kick at the first sign of cooing Sam helped us fuss so well that Xander didn't realize we were keeping him from eating some things, keeping him from the dangerous parts of patrol, all that.  Before then, we had a lot of problems.  Heck, he even handled the mood swings so we could quit hiding when Xander had one."  Willow and Tara nodded at that. "So what if they're gay?  So are Willow and Tara.  I'm sure they're just as comfy as the witchy lovin' those two get."

"Only in their case it'd be hunter lovin' since they're both hunters," Willow added.  Cordelia and Angel both stared at her.  "Sam's dad and big brother were hunters too.  Sam was raised to be a hunter from when he was Dean's age."  Angel stared, mouth slightly open.  "Yeah, John was a fierce bitch about Dean earlier too.  Had the whole 'only a Winchester can raise one of us' thing going and all that.  He even made Sam lose his temper.  It was not pretty.  Though, Xander's temper, have we noticed it's got a focus now?  Only on things that hurt Sam and Dean?"  Buffy nodded.  "No more getting mad at Spike, no more getting mad at the other vamps or at work.  It's nice.  Even if he back to growling and being Scary Xander over them."

"It is," Joyce agreed.  "You should protect your family that way.  It's especially good that Sam's just as protective as Xander is."

"Yeah, Sam went really scary when Dru showed up the first time.  Even tried to fight with us about why we didn't stake her for daring to bounce the baby on her knee.  Dean's never going to get into trouble with those parents."

"You still managed it," Joyce reminded her.

"But I had my reasons," Buffy pointed out.

"You did and we'll know his before then," she assured her, patting her on the wrist.  "Any other good news, guys?"

"Not yet," Angel said.  "Where was Dru?"

"Spike said by the college," Buffy said.  "I don't know.  Spike!"  He came out of the basement and gave her a look.  "I know you've been listening.  Where is she now?  Before Sam stakes her this time."

"Probably headed for their house.  She likes the baby.  Wants him when he's older."  He walked off shaking his head again.

Buffy grabbed the phone to call Sam's cellphone. "Its me.  Dru might be near your place or at your place.  Sure, let me come fetch."  She hung up and ran out, going to grab her before Sam made good on his promise to stake her.  She found her inside humming and folding laundry.  "Is this on the approved occupation list for evil vamps?" she asked.  "He's got plenty of aunts, Dru."

Dru smiled at her, swaying closer.  "The bad man comes," she said, staring into her eyes.  "My kitten is very precious but his claws are very sharp.  He'll prove it if the nicer cub doesn't stop him."  She stepped closer to her.  "The stars say that the little one is very special."

Sam walked in, looking at her.  "Dru, I'm the one the demon took," he said dryly.  "Dean doesn't have he visions or things I do."

"You gave him one.  All it takes is once."

He leaned down to get into her face.  "That was cured with his rebirth and the innocence of his soul," he said slowly and clearly.  "And yes, if Xander has to kill someone I'm going to help him.  We'll have fun and let you party in the blood for us.  Anything else?"

She giggled, stroking his cheek.  "You would make such a pretty lion cub for my kitten.  Very nasty while playing."

"Which I can't do while you're here," he said bluntly.  "Now shoo and don't bother Dean until he's an adult."  She hummed, moving closer, trying to take a kiss.  He backhanded her, knocking her down, staring down at her.  "Anything else?"  She giggled, getting up to rush him.

Xander handed over the baby, dragging her off by her hair to the balcony.  He gave her a shove with his foot, still holding onto her hair until it had to slip through his fingers from her weight so she fell to the ground two stories below.  He looked down at the pouting vampiress.  "Come near my fucking son again, Dru.  Watch me unleash things that another universe's had when he was the Master's favorite child.  Am I clear?" he asked coldly.  She cooed at him.  "Am I clear?" he asked again.  She nodded.  "You do not come near my son until he's an adult, past the innocence barrier, Druscilla, or we will go round.  You haven't begun to see me when I'm fighting for a *good* reason."  She got up and pouted all the way back to wherever Spike was.  Xander grabbed the railing, squeezing it while he tried to calm down.

Sam came out to cuddle him.  "Can we torture her before we stake her?" he whispered in his ear.

"Don't tempt me."  He turned to look at him.  "Can we put him down and cuddle?"

"Sure."  They went to repossess the baby from his aunt, letting her go catch the insane vampire to make sure she left town again.  They put Dean down, smiling at him.  "You rest, Dean.  We're going to be upstairs making comforting noises."  Dean yawned, waving a hand.  "Good boy.  Don't wake us up too early and we'll take tomorrow off," Sam promised.  Xander gave him a look. "What?  The boss said we could if we couldn't get to sleep for some reason."  He smirked.

"Rent payments, Sam."

Sam kissed him.  "It'll still go, Xander."  He walked him off, taking him upstairs to cuddle with him.  He wanted more.  He needed to blow off the stress.  Xander was still being a bit shy.  So Sam pounced.  Xander made a startled noise as he was drug under Sam's body and kissed.  He looked down at him.  "I've let you set all the boundaries but I could use some stress relief and so could you, Xander.  Please?"  He nibbled on his throat in that spot that made him purr.  "Pretty please?"

"Please," he agreed, arching into his hands.  "Been a while."

"It has.  Too long."  He moved to rip his shirt off him, grinning at him.  "Didn't like that one.  Not tight enough."  He moved to tease his chest, playing with his nipples before moving down to play with the slit.  Xander tensed but he still licked around it, teasing it with his tongue.  "You taste good here too," he moaned, diving in to play with it like he would a woman's body.  Xander was keening, arching, stretching, and begging all at once, trying to make him do more.  He held it slightly open so he could get deeper, making Xander whimper.  "If you want, Xander.  Only if you want."

"Oh, God," he moaned.  "Sam!"

Sam undid his belt and shoved off his jeans and briefs, getting back to his fun, letting Xander thrust against his chest for now.  "Do you want that some year, Xander?"

"Maybe," he panted.  "Sam!  Torture bad!" he shouted.

Sam laughed into the wet spot.  "I know it is, Xander.  Want me here or back where I usually am?"  Xander gave him a horrified look.  "Tell me or I'm having you here.  It's very kinky of me."

Xander wiggled.  "Sam!"

Sam laughed again, moving back to tease his cock so he could think again.  Xander came with a yelp and he moved to prepare his ass.  "I'll have that hole whenever you're ready."  He slid into him, leaning down to look at him.  "You'll tell me and I'll get you hot and ready for it.  Then I'll slide in gently and slowly make love to that spot, Xander."  Xander pulled him down to kiss him, making him moan.  "Babe, you have no idea what sort of plans I have for us."

"Plans?" he panted.

"Plans," he agreed, grinning at him.  "We'll talk about plans tomorrow."  He pulled out, flipping Xander over so he could take him harder.  "I wanted to do it this way but Dean got in the way," he said in his ear.  Xander whimpered, grabbing onto the bed.  "Mine, Xander?"

"Yours," he moaned.  He was holding on for dear life.  "Sam, please?" he begged.

"Please what, baby?  Tell me and if I can it's yours."  He leaned down to lick over the back of Xander's neck, earning a shiver.  He smiled, doing it again.  He got another shiver.  "Please what, Xander?"

"Sam!  Baby!"

"More?"  He sped up, going harder, making himself get closer.  He was so close.  He checked, Xander was nearly ready to come.  He stroked him and came once the tight muscles started to clench and twitch around him.  "I love that feeling," he said, collapsing off to the side, pulling Xander back against his chest.  "Xander?"  He got a slight hum.  He smiled.  "You rest, babe.  I'm here.  I'll protect us tonight," he soothed, stroking over Xander's arm and thigh.  Xander wiggled until Sam was out of him then flipped over to cuddle.  Sam kissed him on the head.  "That's my boy.  That's your spot," he promised, stroking his back.  He yawned and turned on the baby monitor, listening to Dean make complaining noises.  He grinned.  "Now you know how I felt when you did it to me," he whispered.  "Maybe you can go see Tara tomorrow anyway.  I need to have some time alone with your other dad."  He yawned again, smiling down when he noticed Xander staring at him.  "What?"

"That wasn't payback, right?"

"Nope.  That was pleasure and good.  That's all I wanted from it."  He grinned.  "Payback will be when he's older and we're in the same motel room so we can make *him* go sleep in the car."  Xander shook his head. "Yeah, we can."

"Traveling?"

"We'll talk about that tomorrow.  While he's with Tara."  Xander nodded, putting his head back down.  "If you don't want to, we'll work it out," he promised.  Xander looked at him again.  "What?  We will.  You're mine.  I'm possessive and there's no way I want you sitting at home pouting.  It's my job to pout in this relationship."  Xander giggled and nodded.  "Therefore you can't sit home and pout.  Maybe we'll pick a territory and stay within it instead.  That'll lead to some trips but not as much?"

"I like to travel but I'm not sure I can handle it all the time."

"We'll figure it out, Xander.  Then we'll teach you how to salt and burn corpses and all that stuff."  Xander nodded, putting his head back down.  He stroked over his back, making plans for however they'd be doing it.

"Momma?" Dean called through the baby monitor.

"What?" he called back.  "Need changed or fed?"

"Oooh."

"Food?  Give me a sec, Dean."  He wiggled out from under Xander, giving him a kiss when he partially woke up.  "The walking stomach needs something to eat.  I'll be back in a minute."  He went down to grab his son, looking at him.  "Hungry?"  Dean smirked and nodded.  "Okay, let's see what we got you."  He walked him out to the cabinets, looking at them.  "We have....  Peas, carrots, looks like meat and peas, and oatmeal."  He looked at him.  Dean was giving the cabinet a horrified look.  "Aunt Tara's a vegetarian, Dean.  She said you had to eat some veggies sometime when you're this age.  Even our mom would've agreed.  Even Xander's mom probably."  He found one in the back.  "Meat and potatoes?"  Dean nodded, putting his head down.  He warmed it up for him then carried him, it, and the spoon up to the bed, settling in with him sitting up, resting against Xander's side.  "There we go."  He spooned out some, letting him taste it.  Dean grimaced. "It's baby food.  You can have burgers again in a few months.  You have to eat this now because your stomach won't tolerate real steak."

Xander looked down at him.  "Feel lucky I got you ones with meat, Dean.  Tara was not happy with me until I pointed out all the growing you're doing."  Dean ate another bite.  "When you're older, Sam can make the special spaghetti and meatballs that hooked me.  Even with the funny pasta if you want."  Sam grinned at him.  He grinned back.  "One of us still has to hit work tomorrow."

"Nope."

"This paycheck's going to be weak, Sam.  We'll end up owing on the rent because of the days off last week from the hunting injuries."

"Then I'll talk to him, Xander."

"If he shows up.  He wasn't there today."

"I'm sure he'll show up for payday."  He kissed him then went back to feeding Dean.  The baby soaked up all the food and then made begging noises while patting his belly.  "Still hungry?"  He grinned and nodded.  "Okay, want peas, carrots, or the other jar of meat and peas?"

Dean sniffled, giving him the pitiful look.

Xander looked at him.  "No fair guilt tripping him, Dean."  He kissed him on the head.  "Let me see what's in the freezer."  He went down to look, finding a few things in there.  "Sam, did you bring home bunnies to freeze?" he called.

"No.  Why?"  He came bouncing down the stairs to look over his shoulder.  "Are they whole?"  He looked then nodded.  Six whole rabbits, with fur on, were in their freezer.  They found a few other suspicious packages so they looked in the fridge.  In there was a new gallon of milk, which hadn't been there earlier.  Plus a few other things.  "Huh.  Anya?  She hates bunnies," he said at Xander's look.

"That's not an Anya present, Sam."  He pulled one out, moving the neck fur to show the bite marks.  Sam moaned.  "Dru loves me.  She really loves me.   Apparently in that special way."  He called Spike since he knew he'd be up.  "Why did your loony girlfriend and sire leave us six full rabbits with fur on in the freezer, two other packages of meat we can't identify, and a new gallon of milk?"

"And cheese," Sam said, waving it."  He heard Dean laugh and went to save him before he fell off the bed.  "Having fun?"

"Fun."

"Come see what the insane vampire left you as a baby warming present."  He carried him down so he could look.  Dean gave him a horrified look.  "Yeah.  He have a clue?"

Xander hung up and looked at him.  "Rabbit pie was her favorite dish growing up.  It's made with potatoes," he said, pointing at a cabinet they never got into.  "Rabbits, beans if you want," he pointed at another cabinet, "and a cheesy, milk sauce on top under a pie crust."  He found a few boxes of pie crust mix, bags of beans he *knew* they hadn't had.  A fifty pound bag of potatoes, plus the stuff in the freezer.  "He said one's probably fatback, which is a type of really fatty bacon used to make cooking grease since rabbits are a bit gamey but dry meat.  You brown it in that first.  The other, he's not sure if it's insides from the rabbits or not."

Sam just nodded.  "We could make one hell of a lot of it."

"She thought he'd enjoy it."  He leaned down, thumping his head on the counter, shaking it slightly.  "Why does she like us?"

"You're strange," Sam said dryly.  Xander shot him a low powered glare.  "She's liked you for how long?"

"Since Angel had to pretend to use me as a mutual snack and gave me to her and Spike during a parent/teacher thing that they attacked."

Sam handed off the baby, moving to look at the book on vampires Giles had leant him.  He found what he wanted and looked at it then at Xander.  "That's because Angel giving them you meant that they could keep you as a toy and a pet.  They could play with you, turn you, whatever.  A sire giving a childe a pet basically."  Xander whimpered and slumped.  "He should've known better."

"Angel hated my ass back then.  Still probably does.  I'll call and make his sleeping miserable tomorrow."

Sam smirked. "Oh, let me, Xander."  He went to find someone to give Angel the message he wrote out.  He was sure the vampire wanted a 'get out of Sunnydale free and whole' card.   He got an idea and while he was out he made a long distance call.  "I know it's late, Nanny Gramley.  It's Sam.  I was wondering if any of the kittens were still around."  He grinned at the 'there's three left' response.  "I'm with Dean and his new mother.  I think Xander would love a kitten.  He plays with Tara's cat all the time.  Xander.  Yeah, the demon changed it.  I'm in Sunnydale.  Harris, why?"  She burst out laughing and said something.  "He did?  Wow.  That's something Dean would appreciate."  He grinned. "Do you think she'd mind if Dean and Xander had one of the kittens?  No, he doesn't use magic but he manages to screw up some of Willow's spells on her."  He staked the vampire trying to sneak up behind him, grinning at her.  "Thanks.  Sorry to wake you.  No, it just hit me.  Thank you!"  He hung up and went jogging back to the house.  Xander gave him a worried look.  "I sent a very nice message to Angel."  He kissed him and laid down to cuddle his boys.  Dean gave him a look.  "Did you know your new mother blew up the high school to save everyone from a huge, seventy-or-so foot demon?"

Dean looked at Xander like he was God.  "Ooooh."

Xander grinned. "Buffy played bait.  I also planned the assault since he called up some vamps and demons to help him herd the food sources that were trying to run away."

Dean hugged him.  "Cool."

"Thanks, Dean."  He grinned at Sam.  "You've got that naughty boy look again."

"I'm going to get you another book tomorrow in the series you like."  He kissed him and snuggled in better to hold both his boys.  "Poke us if you're too smooshed or the sheet's too heavy, Dean."  He felt the nod.  He took another kiss and Xander grinned back.  "You could marry me now."

"Not until he's an adult, Sam."

He stroked over his cheek.  "I'd be with you even if it wasn't for Dean."

"Yeah but Dean will want to go back to your old life once he's himself again.  I won't stop you from going with him.  It'd be wrong of me.  I'll enjoy you while I have you.  Then we'll talk about it."  Sam nodded, understanding that.  "Ask me again before you get ready to leave, okay?"

"I can do that."  He kissed him. "Now nap.  I have wicked plans for you tomorrow while Tara's watching our heathen."  He watched him fall asleep, looking down at Dean.  "I'm trying.  He's more stubborn than I am."  Dean patted him on the chest, then snuggled in to sleep.  He was comfortable and warm.  Now all he needed was that teddy bear he had noticed earlier.

***

John finally got out of his grave, grimacing at it.  "They couldn't burn me?"

"No one knew where you were," a male voice said from behind him.  "You died in the middle of nowhere so the county had to bury you, John."

John turned to look at him.  "Bobby?"  He got sprayed with a bottle of holy water.  He wiped it off slowly.  "I guess I deserve that.  Did I pass?"

"Not yet."  He stared at him.  "How are you back?"

"I think that little redheaded witch messed up the banishing," he said dryly.  "Did you know about Sammy's plan?"

"After the witch died."  He moved closer, pressing a cross against his forehead.  "Damn it."

"Hoping I was a demon?"

"Then I could kick your ass like you deserve."  He stared at his old friend.  "Before you ask, one of the other residents out here rose earlier.  I heard you coming up, figured you might be a vampire."

"Not really," he said, checking himself over.  He looked at Bobby again.  "Now what?  Do you know where my truck is?"

"Back of the salvage yard."  He stared at him.  "Leave Sammy alone, John.  He did what he had to so his brother would be saved.  The same as Dean did what he had to to save Sammy and you did the stupid thing you did to save Dean.  It's full circle now."

"Did you know my son's gay?"

"I met Xander.  He's a nice, goofy boy with a good heart.  Not always a lot of brains.  He jumped into the fight when his best friend was taken from him by a vamp."  He moved closer, staring into his eyes.  "Dean's happy, John.  Sam's raising him to be a good man as well as  Winchester.  Dean'll have all his memories intact.  All he has to do is retrain his body and learn whatever new stuff he wants to.  He'll be his own age again in another two years and a bit."

"I heard that part."  He stared at him.  "Sam can't be teaching him the same things.  Sam never learned and never wanted to learn."

"Dean still knows it from before, John.  Now Xander's making him feel a mother's love too.  The boys missed that.  Besides, what do you care if Sammy's taking it up the ass?"  He gave him a pointed look.  "Not like he'd be the first Winchester to bend over and take it."

"No, it wouldn't be.  That would've been Dean," he said dryly.

"Well, now he's got a set of lesbians for aunts and that Buffy girl who's straight, plus his two dads.  He'll be fine even if he does want to dabble again.  Then again, Dean was a tit hound.  Kept trying to eat off the one who followed Annabelle as a guardian."

"The blonde witch?"  Bobby nodded.  "She's shy and stutters."

"She's powerful too.  Pure, powerful, and a beautiful girl.  Nanny Gramley told me to take her the books the next time I go out."  He turned and walked off.  "You coming or not?" when John didn't follow him.

"Got any spare clothes?  Them burying me in a pair of paper panties isn't exactly comfortable."

"Thought the Marines taught you to fight naked," he taunted.

"Then they taught us to wear boxers, a tank top, and socks just in case so we wouldn't have to."  Bobby laughed at that.

***

Willow looked around.  She could feel someone watching her.  She stepped back to a large gravestone, keeping her back against it.  "I can feel you.  You might as well come out before I turn you into a flaming bunny rabbit."

John stepped out of the shadows.  "Not bad but I've been trailing you for the last two blocks, miss."

"Aw, shit," she muttered.  "How did I do that?"

"You sent me back to my body instead of back to my rest," he said dryly, studying her.  "Since a demon took me it wasn't a fair death and that got me free of it.  If you had sent me back to where I belonged I'd still be dead."

"I can do that," she promised pulling up power.  His shotgun cleared the holster.  She snickered, melting it.  He gaped. "I'm not the puniest of witches."

"You're not a guardian."

"Guardian?"

"Pure witches who guard the earth's powers from those that try to use it for the wrong purposes."

"Huh, never heard of 'em.  No, I'm trained to help Buffy with her slaying duties.  Fire spells are *very* handy."

Buffy came jogging over, stopping when she saw the guy.  "Didn't you banish him, Willow?"

"Yeah.  Back to his body.  Since his soul was taken by the demon without killing him, it woke him up," she said grimly.

"Oh, shit, I'm going to have to hide you from Sam and Xander, aren't I?" she said, looking at John.  "Well, you're here.  Sam's on patrol with us tonight since Dean's running a small fever from teething so quickly.  SAM!"  He came running over.  She saw the second he recognized the back in front of him and stepped in front of Willow.  "She said she banished him back to his body instead of back to whatever version of the afterlife he was in.  It was an accident."

"Willow, run and pack," he ordered.  She squeaked and ran off.  He glared at her.  "Go.  I'll kick his ass myself," he mouthed.  She nodded, following Willow.  "Sir."

He turned to look at him.  "You're scaring lesbians now?"

"Only that one."  He looked at his father.  "You look good for being dead over a year.  Should I find the holy water squirt gun?"

"Bobby tested me already."

"Ah."  He was going to be yelling at Bobby later.  "Why are you here, Dad?"

"I want Dean."

"No.  Dean's Xander's and my son until he's grown up again.  If we have any future kids you can't have them either."  He turned and walked off, keeping his temper in check.  "Have a good night.  Don't get dead.  It's the motto around here.  Watch out for the vampires, you can stake this sort."  He waved as he walked.  He also called Xander and Giles to warn them.  "It's me.  She brought him back instead of banishing him.  Yeah, she should probably go find the same hole Cordelia dug herself and cover them both in it."  He hung up, going back to the apartment for now.  He smiled at the young woman waiting on him.  "Melinda."  He let her inside.  "Hi.  You brought it?"

"I did."  She handed over the small softsided bag.  "This is Bastest.  She's the last of Fussy's litter.  Fussy was a full familiar.  We think the daddy was a normal cat."  She gave him a hug.  "No baby?"

"At the shop."  He called. "Giles, send Xander and Dean home please?  I'm here and I have a present for Xander."  He hung up, grinning at her.  "They'll be so stoked.  Thank you.  Want some tea or something? We have a whole section of the fridge for our friend Tara."

She giggled.  "I should meet Tara.  We don't know much about her."  He texted her to come over too.

Sam heard Xander coming up the stairs so he opened the door.  He kissed him with a smile.  "I know it's a bad thing but I got you a present.  I had to talk to someone about a witch named Annabelle's kittens."  Dean stiffened.

Xander gave him a confused look.  "The one you said died to help you help Dean?"

"Yeah, her.  She was Dean's legal wife thanks to Dad pulling a dirty trick."  He walked him inside.  He had to make him look at the bag.  "I didn't think you'd mind."  Tara knocked then came in.  "Melinda, this is our friend Tara.  Tara, Melinda is Nanny Gramley's granddaughter and part of her coven."  Tara smiled, walking her out to the balcony to talk to her.  It was relatively safe out there.  "Xander?"

"You got me a kitty?" he asked, giving Sam a look he couldn't decipher.  "No one lets me have pets."

"Don't you want a pet?"

"Well, yeah, but I wasn't allowed to have one."

Sam smiled.  "I'm spoiling you rotten, remember?  You can have a kitty.  Her name is Bastest.  She's the last kitten of Annabelle's younger familiar."

Xander stepped forward, gently and carefully opening the bag.  He smiled when the cat woke up to stare at him.  "You're alive."

"I'd never give you a dead cat, Xander," Sam said, looking a bit confused.  Xander pounced him to hug hard enough to bruise him then pulled out the cat, sitting down on the floor with her.  "Let Dean down too.  He won't hurt her."  He got Dean out of the backpack carrier system and let him sit next to him.  Dean hugged his leg, smiling at him.  They both petted the kitty.

"Good," Dean told it.  "Good good."  The cat sniffed him then Xander, standing up to sniff his face.  She wandered off to look around her new home, apparently approving of the couch.  Dean laughed at the way she draped herself over the back.  "Fussy," he told Xander, pointing.

"The last time I saw her mother she was in that same position," Sam agreed, helping Xander up to she could go over to pet and watch the cat.  The cat watched him back.  Then she yawned and decided a nap was in order.  Dean walked over to climb up and help him pet her, smiling at Xander.  "Want me to get some food and litter for her, Xander?"

"Please," he said, sounding awed.  He hugged Dean.  "He got me a kitty."

Dean looked at him.  Then he grinned and hugged him.  His mother clearly needed it.  He looked over at Sam, who smiled, going out to the local convenience store to find something.  Dean went back to petting her.  He knew the difference between a familiar and a regular house cat.  This one was a familiar.  The same as Tara's Miss Kitty was.  "Kitty?" he asked Xander.

"You think we should introduce her to Miss Kitty?"  Dean nodded.  "We'll ask Tara if they can play together.  Tara?"  She came in.  "Dean wanted to know if Bastest can play with Miss Kitty soon."

"As long as they get along."  She came in to stroke down the cat's side, earning a subtle purr.  "You're very pretty and clearly an aspect of the Goddess you were named after, precious."  She went back outside.  She didn't get a chance to talk to many witches.

Xander grinned.  "I like making her happy too."  He cuddled his son, letting them both pet the cat trying to sleep.  When she'd had enough she got up to go find another place to nap but otherwise that was fine.  Dean could stalk her around if he wanted to.  When Sam got back he got pounced against a wall, kissed until he begged for Xander to do more.  They ran upstairs to be happy together.

Dean shook his head and went out to sit with his aunt.  She'd put him down in a bit.  She smiled at him.  "Mommy happy growl."

"He does that now and then," she teased.  She cuddled him, smiling at Melinda.  "We've loved Dean since the first time he moved inside Xander.  Even if he did fuss at us for it."

"Some boys can't take the fussing," she assured her.  She stroked over Dean's cheek then Tara's.  "The goddess has special plans for the both of you, Tara.  My grandmother would feed you both up but she's got special plans for you two."

"So the vampire that keeps showing up says," Sam called.

Melinda gave her an odd look.  "Vampire?"

"Druscilla.  She's a seer but kinda goofy and insane.  Thinks Xander's a kitty."

Dean looked at her, shaking his head.  "No."

"I know, but Dru thinks he is."  She kissed him on the head.  "We'll teach you all about those things when you're seven or eight, okay?"  He nodded, settling in to snuggle against her chest.  She grinned.  "Are you being a pervert again?"  He smirked at her.  The cat came out and climbed into her lap to stare at her.  "Hello, Bastest."  She petted her gently.  "Come to play with Dean?"  The cat sniffed Dean then her.  It meowed.  "Want food?"  The cat meowed again so she went inside to set up the stuff Sam had bought.  Xander had been too happy to let him put down food.  She smiled, tucking some of her hair behind her ear before bending down to pet the cat.  Someone knocked on the door.  "They're in bed."  They knocked again so she went to see who it was, letting Buffy inside with the bigger bag.  "What's that?"

"Kitty litter.  Sam said he gave Xander a kitty."  She put it down in the corner, staring at the cat.  "She's beautiful and goes with half my outfits," she joked.  "She's even that nice, neutral tan that'll go well with anything Xander wears, no matter how ungodly looking it is."  Tara laughed.  "Want me to take the sprout home to Mom?  She's been looking at the fertility clinics and that experiment in Israel with the women having kids in their sixties."

"She's not that old."

"No but she figures if they can do them they can do her."

"Boys, should Buffy take Dean home with her?" she called.

"No, Willow brought my father back, I want him here," Sam called.

"Excuse me?" Tara demanded.

"Apparently when the demon took his soul he didn't quit kill him so when Willow banished him back to his body....."  Tara said something impolite, something that even bad girls didn't say, but she was nice enough to say it in French so Dean didn't understand it.  "Wow, I'm guessing that was a bad thing?" Buffy asked. "I learned to seize the fish."

Tara hugged her.  "We'll figure out how to guard Dean tomorrow."  Buffy nodded.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Let mom have some time soon please?  That way I don't get a baby brother too?"  Tara nodded, letting her out and relocking the doors.

Dean looked at the door then at her.  "Salt?"

She frowned.  "Salt?  I know Sam uses it for stuff."  He pointed at the doorway.  "Oh!  Like a warding line?"  He beamed and nodded. "There's not many spirits here, Dean, and it won't keep out vampires."

"Oh."  He considered it.  "Shells?"

"Or those.  Those are for scrying."  She brought him back out, taking the cat off the railing and putting her back inside.  "Go play with the humans."  She ran off to find a good napping spot away from them.  She sat down with Dean again.  "He's very special.  He even makes me want to have one of him."  Dean beamed at her for that.  "Still don't like boys, Dean."  He shrugged and snuggled in again.

"You could go to the doctor and let them do it," Melinda suggested.

Tara blushed.  "I need to get Willow straightened out first.  I thought we lost our power when we lost our purity."

"There's some that don't," she admitted.  "They're not firmly earth witches though.  They don't always serve the Goddess."

"Willow does," she said.

She patted her on the cheek.  "I'll talk to Willow tomorrow, sweetie.  How about that?"  She nodded and smiled.  "Think I could bum their couch?"

"I don't think they're going to hear you if you did," she admitted.  "That's Xander snoring."  She giggled, going to get her bag with Tara's protection, then they came back upstairs to let her have the couch while Dean got put down in his crib.

***

Sam and Xander ran into their boss the next night.  "Hey, boss."

"Hey, boss," Xander said, smiling at him.  "Say hi, Dean?  He's the guy who pays us so we can buy you food and diapers."  Dean waved with a shiteating grin.

"He's cute."  He looked at them.  "Boys, I've got to leave town for a while."

Xander looked at him.  "I can guess why, Boss.  You haven't been in for four days and you didn't quite get all the dirt out of your hair."  His boss backed off.  He waved a hand. "Unless you're attacking, I don't give a damn at the moment.  I've got the baby on me.  If you're a threat Sam can stake you."

"Thanks, Harris."  He looked around then at them.  "Things will keep going as normal. My son can take over.  I'll say I'm out of town looking for new contracts."

"Can we have a rent reduction for a few months if we drive you out of town?" Sam asked.  "Dean's really expensive to feed.  He's a hoover."

Their boss nodded.  "Fine."

"Half?" Xander asked hopefully.  "That way we can afford to save up some too?  We'll need roadtrip money when he's the right age," he said at Sam's odd look.

"He's how old?" the boss joked.

"Aging a year a month," Xander told him.

"Oh."  He nodded.  No wonder the kid was a hoover.  "Fine.  You guys can have half rent until he's twenty-one.  How about that?"  They both beamed and smiled.  "Let me catch that ride?"  Xander handed Sam his keys.  "Thanks, Harris.  Have more, you're a good father."  He let Sam drive him off, giving him paper to write notes to his son as well.

Xander smiled at Dean. "It's because we're so darn cute together."  Dean cackled and nodded.  "Glad you agree."  He kissed him on the head.  "We should head to Joyce's so we can go on patrol."

"Dad!" he shouted.  Xander spun, grabbing the stake off the back of his belt.  "Hi!"

"Hi, Dean.  You need a trim."

"He just had one last week," Xander told him.  "With the way he's growing it's about every week or he starts to look like a girl.  Sam'll be right back."

"You can't stake me, son."

"I can and a stake to a human heart will still kill someone.  Faith proved that when she did it by accident."  John gave him an odd look.  "Another slayer."

"You're myths."

"So we've been told.  Yay us.  We're so good we're mythical."  He walked around him.  "We're heading to Joyce's so she can love him while we're on patrol."

"You let a lot of others watch him," John told him.

Xander stopped and turned to look at him.  "Unfortunately both of us working is unavoidable if we want to be able to pay rent and feed him, plus ourselves.  As for patrol, usually only one of us go a night but once a week or during emergencies we both go.  Since we're expecting an overload situation starting tonight with an influx of foreign vampires, Joyce is going to get to watch him for a few hours.  She demanded the right to.  I love her like my own mother."

"Are yours living?" he asked.

"I don't care if they are or not," he said bluntly.  John gaped at him.  "Why would I care about the drunken bastards who never wanted me, John?"  He stepped closer.  "I could care less if they're living, dead, or turned.  If they're turned Willow will stake them so I don't have to.  The police will tell me if and when they die so I can clean up any messes they left.  The same as Willow will hear from them about hers.  Anything else?"

Sam parked and got out.  "Dad, leave Xander alone," he ordered.  He slammed the door.

"Sam, you hate it when I do it to your car, don't do it to mine," Xander said.

"Sorry."  He walked over, coming to put a hand on Xander's back.  "What did you want, Dad?"

"I think I should be raising Dean."

"And I said no.  Since biologically he's now my son and Xander's son, bite me."  He stared at him.  He saw the twitch.  "Try it, Dad.  You and I can fight this time.  I'm a man now.  I'm going to protect Dean the same way he protected me all these years.  When he's old enough to hang out with others and start his training you can help Xander and I teach him."

"I saw him on patrol.  He still trips."

"Well, some of us did train ourselves the hard way after we jumped in," Xander said dryly.  "Some of us weren't forced to do PT as toddlers instead of playing in the park."  He walked off.  "Heading to Joyce's, Sam.  Then we'll be heading to the Bronze to check there first.  The Master's Lair is on the other side of it.  Call if you're lost."

"Sure, Xander."  Sam got in his father's way.  "Dad, do not piss him off."

"Is he unstable?"

"He was possessed by a hyena in tenth grade," he said blandly.  "He's still got the instincts."  His father sneered at that.  "They tried really hard to remove it and couldn't.  Now, leave Dean's new mother alone."

"There's no way that's possible."

"Bet me," he snorted.  "I was there during the birth."  He lifted his shirt, pointing at his flap.  "If the demon had let me, mine'd be open from the birth still."  He put his shirt down at the horrified look. "I don't care if you don't like that Xander's a guy.  I don't care if you don't like the way that Annabelle saved his life and got me involved after her death.  I don't care if you don't like Xander and I together.  Xander understands me.  All the hunting, the bad days, all of it.  He's been here for a few years too, Dad.  He didn't even have the benefit of someone standing over him to drill him.  He's done amazing training himself to help Buffy.  If you don't like that, yay.  I saved Dean this way and now he's my son and he's staying my son."

"You can't change DNA that way and make him still be Dean."

"Dad, this was magically done.  I don't care.  The demon decided that Xander and I needed to be his parents.  That it would make him stronger in the long run.  We're doing a damn good job with him.  You can visit but so help me God if you try to hurt us over this I will find the worst thing on this hellmouth and have it eat you for coming near *my* son.  My family's just as important to me as it is to you.  Accept it.  Xander's part of it and Dean's mine now."  He walked off, going to huff in peace for a bit.  Xander would understand.

"The courts would agree with me," he called.

"If you use the system, Dad, it can be used against you.  After all, you're still dead."  Sam waved.  "You can follow us again tonight if you want."

"You didn't know the last time I did."

"Bet me.  I had more important matters on my mind."  He walked around a corner and disappeared, muttering to himself the whole way.  He ran into Tara and Willow.   "Do you think Spike would eat my father if I cut him for him?"

"Probably," Willow agreed.  "He's trying again?"

"My patience," Sam promised.  He huffed then pouted, walking on.  "I'm not happy."

"I can see it.  You have the pouty face," Willow assured him.  Sam glared at her.  "You did."

"I don't pout, Willow."

"Fine, you don't pout.   The same as Xander doesn't and Dean doesn't.  It must be macho skills that give it another name when your bottom lip hangs out."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Left, Sam."

"Fine."  He went that way, finding the rest of them at the Bronze.  Xander gave him a look.  "I left him there after he threatened to use the system against us," he said quietly.

Xander growled, standing up.  "You want to be an orphan?"

"Ask me when I'm calmer," he said, kissing him.  "Please?"

"Sure.  After we hunt some bad things and make them sorry for running this way."  They turned to look at the first few that ran in.  It'd be a full night of slaying.

***

Xander looked at the judge John had went to two days later.  "What makes you think he was better than my parents were?"

"Young man, I do not know about your parents."

"Really?  Yet you've suspended my uncle's license seven times in the last four years and sent my dad to jail six times for being drunk in public and annoying."  The judge gaped.  "Yeah, I'm one of those Harris'.  Thankfully I'm better than all of them because Willow raised me."

"Just because you do what you do does not give you the right to warp that child," he said.

"And yet, his father trained him that way the first time.  He trained Sam that way as soon as he could walk.  Hmm.  At least with mine he'll still get fun time and love on top of the renewal of his old training."

"I do not believe how he came to be."  Xander tossed down a packet of information in front of him.  "What's this?"

"Birth and gestation records," he said coolly.  "From my OB's hand.  He's my son.  I gave birth to him.  Even in this town that's better than a grandfather's claim unless there's a damn good reason.  If the grandfather's going to do the same thing, that means there's not a good reason."

The judge looked at the records.  "It's impossible."  Xander showed him his stomach flap. "It's not closed?"

"Won't be for a while."  He put it back down.  "Why is his son not here?"

"Because it's you who is the biological parent," he said dryly.  Xander pointed at the birth certificate.  "That cannot be real."

"If I gave birth to him then my name and his father's name should be on there.  No matter what thing put the embryo into the small pouch it happened.  I gave birth to Dean.  He's my son.  I will protect my son with the last breath of my body, even if it is from his grandfather."

"Dean loved what I taught him."

"He'll still have it," Xander reminded him coolly.  "The same as now I'll get to teach him some of what I know and Sam'll up his research and Latin skills.  Plus we can teach him other languages if he wants to learn.  Sam's already planned on how to get him into a martial arts after his next birthday.  Giles and Buffy both know multiple styles and have agreed to work with him on that.  Then he'll refine some street brawling techniques with Spike when he's older."

"You're letting that *thing* near him?"

"He's chipped so he can't hurt people.  Unlike you."  He stood up.  "Is there even cause to send CPS out?  If not there's no cause for his complaint.  The court can't take a child without CPS getting involved.  I know very well that's the law."

"I can send them out," the judge said.  "Sit down."

"No."  He stared at him.  "Send 'em out.  They'll see we love him, we take good care of him.  Freaky aging beside the point we're still helping him do everything we can and he's learning stuff from me.  Good things.  Dean's never going to be a bully with me.  Nor will he be one of those slimy assholes who goes out to hit on twelve-year-olds, unlike his claim because I happen to be with his father."

"The state does support gay families when one parent is the natural parent," the judge admitted.  "You are still a violent young man."

"Hello!  He's been hunting longer than I've been alive!  What do you call him!"

"An experienced parent."

Xander stared at him.  "Really?  Does he know what Dean wants for his next birthday?  The actual one?"  John shook his head.  "He told you."  He looked at the judge again.  "He has no right to come near my kid.  If he tries I'm going to protect *my* son, the one I gave birth to, beyond any doubt in any court of law."

"I'd never hurt the boy," he sneered.  "You're the one who gives him baths."

Xander turned and hit him, getting hit back.  The brawl was becoming uneven but Xander slammed his head against the table and John went down.  Xander pulled his gun, pointing it at him, point blank at his chest, staring down at him.  "Dean's my son now," he said calmly, just staring.  "I protect my *full* family, John.  Every last one of them.  Sam, Dean, the girls, Joyce, and Giles.  You're trying to take my kid away from me.  There's no way you can win."

"How did you get that in here!" the judge shouted.

"The same way you got to work this morning," he said dryly, giving him a look.  John shifted so he cocked it without looking.  John laid back down.  "No demon is going to decide the fate of a hunter turned into a child."  He stared at the judge.  "The same as nothing and no one is going to touch my child."

The judge hit buttons on his phone until someone came in.  "Stop him!  He's delusional!"

"Xander!" Sam shouted, moving past the guards, knocking one out.  "Give me the gun."

"He's going to hurt him."  He was back to watching John again.  "If you hurt my son it will be the last thing I do to take you out and send you back to hell."

"Xander," Sam said, shifting closer, running a hand down his arm with the gun. "Please give me the gun?  Before someone shoots you or something?"  Xander shook his head.  "Please?  I don't want to lose you either.  Dean and I would be miserable.  I'd be ripped to shreds if I lost you like I lost Jess; I can't handle another personal death like that."  Xander looked at him.  "I can't.  Dean would be lost while I was grieving.  We can't lose you.  Please give me the gun?"  Xander slumped, but still shook his head.  "Please, Xander?  I promise Dad's not going to do something this stupid ever again.  I'll take him out myself if he does.  I promise on my family honor I will take him out if he tries for Dean again."  Xander stared at him.  "Please?"  Xander handed him the gun and stomped off.  Sam put back on the safety and uncocked it then ran after Xander, stopping him to pull him into the bathroom to hold him while he broke down.  "Shh, I'm here. It's all right.  The judge is going to hate Dad by the time I get done with him if he tries this shit again."  A guard came in.  "Go the fuck away.  Now," he snarled.   He backed out and ran off.  "Shh, I have you.  It's all right."

John came in twenty minutes later, ignoring Xander.  "The judge wants him to prove he gave birth to Xander.  He's called in an OB.  Is he stable enough to go back in there?"

"Don't make me hurt you, Dad," Sam said calmly.  He tipped Xander's face up.  "Can you?"  He shrugged.  "It'll help."  Xander nodded, walking that way.  He stopped his father.  "Don't think I was saying it to calm him down.  Dean protected me and now I protect him."  He walked off after his man.  The judge shut him out.  "No way in hell," he said, kicking it in so he could walk inside.  "I was there at his OB appointments, I know how the spell was cast since I'm the one who did it originally.  I'm staying."

"Spells aren't real," the doctor sneered.  Xander muttered something and he sprouted whiskers.  "What did you do!" he shouted.

"Magic," he said dryly.  "Picked it up here and there."  The doctor gave him a horrified look, backing off.  He handed him the file on what his OB had found.  "That's the file from when I was pregnant."  He took off his shirt, pointing at his stomach. "That's where he came from.  It opened with the birth and now it won't shut.  I'm told if I want another one I can have eggs implanted and have Sam do me there or simply plant another embryo back in there and do it again.  You want to look, get it done with.  I'm tired and very cranky right now."

"If your... boyfriend will leave," he said.

"What makes you think I want left alone in a room with you two?" he said coldly.

"I'm a doctor.  Not one of the ones that came with that group."

Xander stared at him.  "I don't care.  I saw what they did and you guys haven't always been that nice to me either."

"I will not harm you if I can help it, young man.  It can be just us if you want or us and a guard.  That would be acceptable to me.  Even a female one if you'd feel more comfortable."

"I'm not a girl."

"I noticed that.  Your Honor?  If you'll leave us alone?"  He stomped off.  He looked at Sam.  "I'm not going to hurt him."  Sam looked at Xander, getting a nod.  The door was slammed by him.  "He's got a slight temper."

"His father's being a dick and trying to take our son because we're together.  I nearly shot him earlier.  Mine's worse.  And do not *mention* hormones."

"I can tell that.  Can you sit on the table, young man?"  Xander sat down and he pulled on a pair of gloves.  "Is it self-lubricating or anything?"

"No."  The doctor got some KY and slid it onto his finger, probing gently.  Xander gripped the table.  "That kinda hurts."

"Sorry."  He shifted his stance some and gentled, finding what he wanted.  "The internal structure?"

"Don't know.  The OB said there was a small portal to link the flap and the womb or whatever together."  He nodded at the file.  "It's in there."

The Doctor looked at it again, reading more carefully.

***

Sam looked at his father.  They were sitting on a bench outside the judge's office while they waited.  "Why even try, Dad?  You know damn well I can raise him just as well as you did.  With a lot more love on top of what he had before."

"Dean's my son.  He has been my son."

"He's still got all those memories," Sam reminded him.  "We're only adding to them and helping him train his body this time."

John considered it.  "He's a bit scary."

"You're trying to take his only child, Dad.  You nearly shot a CPS worker for calling you a bastard.  Put yourself in his side."

"Point."  He considered it a bit deeper.  "You really like him?"

"Dad, what would you do if you found someone who understood every little bit of your life because they'd been there and they love you in spite of it?"

"Propose," he admitted.  He looked at his son.  "Which you should have.  That showed me he had something wrong with him."

"I've tried.  He started out scared that I was only using him as a womb and was going to walk away with Dean as soon as he was born.  I had to work damn hard to get over that one.  You're lucky he didn't shoot you instead of hesitating."

"It shows his soul's still got some light."

"Xander's the soul's light for a lot of people," he said quietly.  He looked at the door.  Then back at his father.  "Now I know how Dean felt when we used to fight."

John nodded.  "I'm starting to see the man I hoped for in you, son."

"Gee, thanks.  Only took you this long?" he asked dryly.

"The blonde, mouthy thing.  What is she?"

"Buffy?  Ask Mr. Giles.  He gives that lecture since his people created her line."

"Her mother?"

"No.  Doesn't go directly.  Skips around the world too.  They've hidden it very well.  Even Bobby thought this town was mythical."

"No, it's not.  I was here when I was about your age once.  I made myself forget after the week I spent healing in the hospital."  Sam gave him an odd look.  "That's why I wasn't too freaked out when I got told it was a demon who killed your mother."  He shrugged.  "I buried it."

"Most of the town does."  He leaned down, cupping his face, elbows on his knees.  "What's taking so long?"

"Female exams take about a half hour," John said, leaning back with his head against the wall, watching those around them.  "He's not bad.  He snuck in the blow that stunned me so he could bang my head on the table."

Sam looked at him.  "He had to train himself.  Mr. Giles was forbidden from training anyone because no one's supposed to jump into her battles.  He jumped in, brought Willow, and then later Cordelia."

"That was one mouthy woman," he admitted.

"They used to date back in high school," he said dryly.

"Then you've got to be like a God to him.  You're honorable, sweet, and nice."

"He's not used to nice.  Hell, his last one was a former vengeance demon."  His father gave him a horrified look.  "He was dating Anyanka because she was turned human again."  His father shuddered.  They'd dealt with some of her curses in the past.  "That on top of his parents?  I gave him a cat.  He made sure it was alive."

"I watched his parents for a day.  They're the sort the circle would've turned in and had put down."

"Xander honestly doesn't care as long as they don't go anywhere near us.  He's just as protective of me as he is of Dean.  And of the girls."  The door opened and he hopped up, staring at the doctor until he swallowed.  "Well?"

He nodded.  "You can come in."  He got out of their way.  Once the judge was back in his seat and the recorder was back on he started his report.  "By the records and my examination, Mr. Harris is capable of bearing children.  Should he be given eggs by someone he could have others if he wanted.  That means he could have the child in question, his body does show signs of recent birth, and he should be on the birth certificate with his boyfriend."

"Fiancee," Sam told him.  Xander gave him a look.  "You are.  You're mine. It's not legal yet but when it is or whenever you're ready we're going before a preacher."

"Ask me again when he's twenty-six," Xander said quietly.  He glared at John then at the judge.  "Should we expect a visit from CPS soon?"

The judge glared at him. "There is still the weapons charge, Ms. Harris."

"I'm not female.  Doctor?"

"He is fully male.  No female genitalia.  The flap on his stomach leads back to a rudimentary womb.  By the way, young man, antibiotics would be good.  There's a small infection."

"Was it hurt or was it scratched or something like that the problem?" Sam asked.

"No, it looks like some debris.  Dust perhaps."  Sam nodded at that.  Vampire dust had gotten in there during a fight.  "Is that a hard spell?"  Sam nodded.  "Can it be done by anyone?"

"No, it has to be done for a good reason, there's a sacrifice of someone who does it to themselves first, and then the person has to be killed to save what's left of them."

"Interesting.  What about other methods?"

"Ask my OB," Xander told him.  "She'd know."  He nodded and left.  "For the record, the doctor left you a note on your desk calendar, judge."  He looked at Sam.  "Can you order dinner tonight?"

"Yeah, I can do that."  He stroked his cheek with a finger.  "You okay?"

"I'm staying calm.  It's a struggle but I'm staying calm."

"Good."  He smiled at him.  "We'll handle it, Xander."

John leaned on the table.  "What are you going to do when Dean's natural instincts to hunt come out, Xander?"

"The local rule is sixteen for hunting," he said dryly.  "That's only a few months after he's ten."  That got a nod.  "Until then he's more than welcome to train in anything he wants to learn.  Including weapons once he's at least eight.  Before then he'll be reminded of gun safety.  At that age we'll take him out to shoot targets."

"I taught him at six.  He's a crack shot," he offered.

"I'm not a bad one myself," Xander admitted. "The local gun range won't take anyone below the age of ten.  We'll do crossbows before then in the woods."

"Okay, I can understand that.  What about shotguns in the woods?"

"We're not sure the crackpots in the military didn't leave sensors and stuff out there.  We've been working on clearing sections but we haven't been able to clear the whole area yet.  Gunshots would tip them off.  Crossbows might not and we do have targets inside the store if necessary."

"Military?"

"Giles has the file.  Get it from him.  I'm grunt support not the head researcher.  Sam's his assistant."

"Wanted demons to hunt for the military.  Torture, hunting squads, Spike's chip, all that comes from them."

John shuddered. "That's just wrong."

"Yeah," Xander agreed.  "That's why Buffy dated one."  He shrugged at his horrified look.  "He was trying to recruit."

"Never mind.  That's nearly as bad as Sam said yours was."  He stared at him.  "What about your training?"

"I'm doing damn good for training myself.  I know there's things I could learn and I have learned a bit off Sam.  I'll learn more as we retrain Dean."

"If you keep him," the judge said.

Xander looked at him then reached over to snatch his watch off, putting it onto the floor so he could stand up and stomp on it.  The demon in the chair screamed.  "I don't accept any demon making a decision about a hunter's child."

The demon glared at him.  "You won't last ten minutes once that information gets out, Harris," he sneered.

"Half of everyone already knows," he said dryly.  "All the cops do.  Most of the demons do.  They learned to get out of my way when I had a mood swing.  Pity you didn't get the memo."  The demon huffed off.  "Sam does that better!" he shouted after him.  Sam shook his head.  "Sorry, dear, but now and then you do.  The same as now and then you get this look that's probably your version of Willow's resolve face but she's calling it your bitchy, SamMS face."  Sam pulled him back down to kiss him.

John snickered quietly.  "He got that one from his mother."  Sam gave him a look and a head shake, kissing him again.  "Must you do that?"

"Dad, you had sex at least twice," Sam said dryly. "I'm sure you kissed Mom plenty of times.  I'm kissing my own lover."  He gave him a look. "Get over it.  Dean hoots when I kiss him most of the time."  He kissed Xander again, making him finish relaxing.  "Would you let Dad visit at first?  Not take control, not take Dean anywhere, but visit a few times?  It could help him a bit."

"You would've made a fantastic lawyer, Sam.  Don't use it on me."

"Xander," he said, giving him a look.

"As long as it's supervised by someone and he doesn't take Dean from the Magic Box, Joyce's house or our place."

"I can agree to that for now," John said.  "I want to help with his training."

"I think we've got it covered, Dad."

"It's Dean, Sam.  He's got to live up to a higher level.  Demons will want him because of the team you two were and how good he was alone."

"You can help when he's older.  After he's started his first few months of training," Xander said.  Sam gave him a look. "I want him in martial arts first.  It'll help with the rapid growth and the balance issues he'll have.  I want him to get to a suitable level before we start adding in brawling or anything."

"That's reasonable with the way he's growing," John said.  "Was that part of the spell?"  Sam nodded.  "I don't want Spike to babysit him.  Or your ex, Anyanka.  I've dealt with some of her work."

"Anya only watches him when there's others there.  She's decided she's not ready yet to pay attention to anything but herself.  Spike will protect Dean.  Dru told him he'd better or else.  So did Buffy.  His ass was going to be killed if he wasn't and his nookie was quickly disappearing so he agreed.  As long as he's got the chip he can't hurt Dean.  If he does he gets brain ripping pain."

"The military finally perfected that chip?" John asked.  Sam nodded.  "Huh.  I thought they scrapped it."

"Apparently vamps were easier to test on," Xander said.   He leaned on the table.  "I want your word, sworn and vowed, that you will not harm my son, John.  I will not have my son turned into me."

"I don't want anyone to have the damage you have, kid.  You ever seek therapy?"

"Who'd understand?"

"Sam?"

"Sam and I talk all the time.  The girls say it's what makes a good relationship."  Sam moaned.  "They do."

"Xander, quit trying to go back to your goofy persona," he said dryly.

"This is me, Sam."

"I know."  He stroked his back.  "Dad?"

"You want it in blood?" he asked Xander.

"Verbal is enough."  He pointed behind him at the flag.  "You hold that sacred enough for me."

"You have service?"

"Possession by a PFC."

"Interesting.  I vow it, upon my oaths, that I will not harm Dean.  I have no intention of letting Dean get as hurt as you have been.  I'm not a bad parent, just a firm one."

"Spanking Dean means he could turn into me."

"Spanking for big things, like running into the street?" Sam asked.

"That I can see a swat for," Xander agreed.

"Good, I can see that," John agreed.  "I assigned extra PT for the little things.  KP now and then too, but Dean wasn't the greatest of great cooks.  Not poisonous but nothing harder than baking, grilling, or boiling."

"That's about where I am," Xander admitted.  "Sam makes really good meatballs though.  It's what made me decide to move in with him."

Sam smiled but shook his head.  "I'm sure it was more than meatballs, Xander."

"You kiss really well?"

Sam grinned at Xander's goofy grin.  "I still love you.  I'm not mad.  Dad pushed you and you were in a corner.  Of course you reacted."  He stroked his cheek again.  "Dad, that good with you?"

"That's fine with me," he said, standing up.  "Now, who's got the boy today?"

"Tara gets him when we're at work.  Joyce only gets him when we're both on patrol at the same time," Xander said, standing up.  He checked his watch.  "It's nearly four, she's at the Magic Box so Giles can get his cooing in without Buffy making fun of him."

"Babies can turn a grown man stupid and Dean always was the cutest of kids," John assured him.  "He flirted both boys into candy and treats all the time."  He waved.  "Shall we?"

"Fine," Xander agreed, walking out first.  The guards gave him a wary look.  "I only hurt hunters that're hurting people.  We all know that."  The guard nodded, watching him walk out.  Xander stopped in front of the cop outside. "The judge trying to have me arrested?"

"No, but the Fed in town is.  You planned graduation?"

"Someone had to.  Giles didn't take the parents and others into account.  We all would've died."

The officer shuddered.  "Better than I could've done, Harris.  There's a Fed who's been investigating things.   You and the Initiative, you and the high school.  Seeing the pattern?"

Sam pulled out his phone, showing him the picture he had taken.  "Him?"

The cop nodded.  "Him.   Why?"

"He was probably following us.  We're hunters too, sometimes things aren't always legal to do."

"I don't need to know," he sighed. "Have the Fed eaten or something."

"Tell Buffy," Xander said dryly.  "She's at class.  Tell her and let her babble at him.  She can turn his mind to mush."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Sam, car?"

"East parking lot, Xander."  He grinned at the officer.  "Her or Willow."

"I'll tell Rosenburg.  Summers is a bit mean when someone threatens you guys.  Plus it's time for her to have PMS."

"You guys keep track of that?" John asked.

"Hell yes!  Worse things come!  We all stay inside those days."

"We tell her the vamps have chocolate and Willow plants some," Xander called with an evil smirk.  The officer gaped in horror at him.  "What?  It's fun."  He walked off shuddering.  Xander reached in to unlock the car then slid into the passenger's seat, closing the door as gently as he could.

"You don't let him drive her?" John asked Sam.

"I didn't think Dean would like that but I'll check when he's a bit older.  Did you look in the mirror and wonder why the Impala looked odd with a carseat?"

"Yeah, a few times.  Especially when you started to hum.  I nearly dropped you off beside the road a few times from the humming."  He walked over to his truck.  "I'll meet you there.  Dinner?"

"Last of the vamps, Dad."  He went to get behind the wheel and drive them to the Magic Box, managing to put them in the alley instead.  He turned to look at Xander.  "Are you all right?"

"I'm still pissed."

"I love you."

Xander looked at him.  "That helps some."

"Did someone really give you a dead pet?"

"Willow tried to give me some of her fish once.  She wrapped them very prettily for my birthday."

"I'm sorry."  He took a kiss.  "I'll keep him in check if he steps out of line.  I won't let him hurt Dean, okay?"  Xander nodded.  "That's my boy."  He took a longer kiss, undoing the seatbelts so they could shift closer.  "For some reason that turned me on."  Xander laughed.  "Dean would yell if we had sex in the car."

"It's his car?"

"Has been since the minute he got his license.  Dad handed it to him."

Xander smiled.  "We have the work room at the store, Sam."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure.  Or the basement.  Anya and I headed down there a few times."

"Good enough for me."  He slid back over, backing them out so he could carefully park at the Magic Box, walking Xander inside and right down to the basement.

"Sam always found strange things a turn-on," John sighed, shaking his head.  Tara was still protecting the boy from him.  "I promised Xander on my oaths that I would not hurt him, Tara."

"I didn't give you that permission."

"I'm sorry," he said, backing off.  He knew a guardian when he saw one.  The redhead still confused him but he knew what this one could do if she was pushed.  "I'm not going to hurt him.  Dean knows that."

"He's sleeping."

"Fine.  Can I sit here and hold him?  I'll sit in plain sight the whole time."  He sat down slowly and carefully.  She was going to rip his insides to shreds then watch him bleed to death if he made the wrong move.  "I'll stay right here and tell you if I need to change him."  She stared at him then let him have the baby.  He smiled down at his sleeping son.  "I used to enjoy him napping.  He was a bit hyper when he was this young the last time."  He stroked over his forehead, easing the wrinkle.  "No nightmares, Dean," he said quietly, holding him carefully.  He wasn't used to holding babies anymore and he had thought it'd be years before he held his first grandchild.  Dean shifted and let out a snore, using his foot to push against his chest.  "Hey, no wiggling away," he ordered.  He put him against his shoulder.  Dean settled in to nap on him, smiling in his sleep.

"He's grinning," Tara said.

"He just wet his diaper," John said dryly.  "It can wait a bit.  Him napping is better than changing him because he's a bit damp."  He heard the thump from downstairs and shook his head.  "Maybe I'll get another grandchild soon."

"Not until he's grown," she said quietly.  He looked at her.  "Sam wanted to know if I'd be the literal mommy."

"I'm sure they'll be beautiful children, miss."

She smiled.  "You two worked it out?"

"After he nearly shot me, outed the judge as a demon, and had a doctor examine him, yeah.  Sam mediates very well.  Nearly as well as Dean used to when Sam and I fought."  He stroked his back because he was shifting.  "No, sleep, son.  It'll be fine.  Sammy's downstairs with the new mommy."  Dean sighed and shifted his butt out, getting a look.  "Gee, thanks, son."

"He did it to Buffy too," she said.  "It's like a rite of passage around here."

"It couldn't be worse than the first few weeks' diapers, miss.  They're the grossest of everything ever seen.  I've seen demons that were cleaner than the first week's diaper.  May I?"  She nodded, pointing at the bathroom.  "Supplies?"

"Under the sink.  Use the blue bag."  He nodded, going to change him.  She looked at the stairs when she heard footsteps.   "Dean dirtied his diaper on him."

"He does it to me plenty of times," Sam said dryly, flopping down on the couch.  He pulled Xander onto his lap.  "Cuddle, Xander."

"The area's not that liberal," he said dryly, wiggling until he was between him and the arm of the chair so he could cuddle him that way.  Sam pulled him back onto his lap and shifted so Xander could lean on the arm of the couch anyway.  "Okay but if we get attacked...."

"I'll handle it and shoot them."  He stroked his back.  "Patrol, Giles?"

Giles looked over at him.  "You did work things out?"

"Otherwise he'd be dead," Sam told him, looking serious.  "Patrol tonight?"

"We have one planned for the mop-up effort."

"Need us both?" Xander asked with a yawn.

"If you can stay awake," Giles said dryly.  "Do not make a mess down there, boys.  Anya does enough of that."

"No mess to make," Sam said smugly.  Giles gave him a look.  "Want details too?  Anya's asked plenty of times."

"No, thank you anyway, Samuel.  You might ask if he needs help."

"Dad, you okay?" he called.

He came out with a wide awake Dean.  "Took me some time to clean under the foreskin.  We didn't have him cut?"  Sam pointed at Xander behind his back.  "Was there a religious reason?"

"He doesn't want to rob him of future sensation or use."

John shook his head.  "It doesn't do that."

"There's contradictory information," Xander said tiredly from Sam's shoulder.  "Plenty of them said that you do go missing a lot of sensation, like women do when evil people circumcise them.  I don't want to maim my son therefore he's staying uncut.  End of discussion."

"It's easier on the parents."

Xander blinked up at him.  "I don't have a problem cleaning it.  Sam didn't after that one time.  Joyce, Willow, and Tara thought it was good to leave him natural.  Buffy freaked out at the discussion and Giles simply moaned and said it was done no matter what in his day unless it was held off for religious reasons.  That was way back in my fourth month and they decided me.  He's staying uncut.  You'll get used to it."

"I'm sure I will."  He sat down, letting Dean sit in his lap.  He grinned at him.  "Morning."

"Cookie?" he asked, blinking his big green eyes at Tara.

She laughed.  "You are such a flirt," she teased, coming over to give him a hug.  "Such a good boy too."  She handed him a cookie.  "Because you were a good boy all day for me and you petted Miss Kitty very nicely this time."  Dean grinned at her then beamed at his father.  "I should let you guys rest.  I'll see you after patrol?"

"You're not coming?" Sam asked.

"I have that test tomorrow."

"I'm off work anyway," Xander said with a wave of his hand.  "I figured I'd have a CPS worker on the doorstep at dawn so I took it off.  Don't worry about him.  Thank you, Tara."  He pulled her down to hug her.  He even kissed her on the cheek.  "No spoiling him."

She swatted him with a giggle.  "Behave, Xander.  We'd spoil you if Sam would let us."  She grabbed her bookbag and headed out.

"She's one hell of a guardian witch," John said.

Giles stiffened.  "You know about them?"

"Yeah, I had one protecting Dean.  We've helped a few of them in our circle. You guys don't?  What path does the redhead follow?"

"She's a Wiccan, we think, but one of the ones who the Goddess is all of them no matter what the name," Xander said tiredly.  He fell asleep a minute later with Sam patting and stroking his back.

John looked down at Dean, who was basically in the same position.  "I see a resemblance," he joked.

"Even stranger, Giles, did you find that recipe for the rabbit thing Dru left us supplies for?"  Giles nodded and handed it over.  He looked at it then handed it to his father.  "I think I remember eating that a few times."

His father looked then nodded.  "You did.  Your grandmother, my mom, fixed it a few times.  I got it off her and fixed it for you boys when I caught a rabbit."  He handed it back.  "Who's Dru?"

"The insane vampire who loves Dean like her future kitten.  She left us fatback, beans, cheese, new milk, and six whole, furred, drained rabbits the night she snuck in somehow."

"Salt wards?" he asked patiently.

"Don't work against vampires," he said dryly.  "Not too many ghosts and spirits around here, which is surprising with the amount of death, but we've went with wards Tara constructed."

"Did you ever figure out how she got in?" Giles asked.

"The balcony.  She must've came in from the roof.  I found marks from where she jimmied the lock.  Her wards covered that area minimally since we thought it was safe.  Unless this sort can fly?"

"No, though I'm not too sure about Dracula when he showed up," Giles said dryly.  He went back to his book.  "Are you going to make it for the boy?"

"Dean used to like it," John admitted.  "He always wanted more cheese than I put in but he liked it when I made it for them.  Six rabbits?"

"Six whole rabbits.  Fifty pounds of potatoes.  Ten pounds of beans.  A few pounds of government cheese.  I have no idea where they found it since they don't give it out anymore.  It was still good though."  He shrugged.  "We tested the milk, she put plasma into it, but otherwise it's all edible.  She even gave us pie crust mix for the crust."

John shook his head.  "I'll fix it later on if you want."

"This weekend?" Sam suggested.

"Sure, I can do that."  He looked down at Dean, smiling at him.  "I used to love him napping at this age.  You too, Sammy."

"Hell, I love him napping," Sam said dryly.  "Last night he and Xander bounced around the house together giggling madly because *someone* gave Xander and Dean ten pounds of chocolate chip cookies."

"She's still at the college," Giles said patiently.  "Did he finally forgive her?"

"Nope," Sam said dryly.  He got sniffed so he went back to stroking Xander's back, making him fall back asleep until the nightmare started.  He whispered in his ear until he calmed down and got comfortable again.  "So, Giles, think Joyce would help Dad babysit the little monster tonight?"

Giles gave him a look.  "You told us you weren't evil or tainted, Samuel."

Sam smirked.  "I had to pass her test when I showed up."

"I'm not scared of the group's mother," John said dryly.  "Even if she does take a frying pan to me.  I got past your mother's mother and hers was cast iron."  Sam gave him a horrified look.  "They thought I was beneath their precious only child."

"I've had that feeling but I want Dean to be happy, even if he is still a slut."

"Are you thinking about having more?"

"I don't know.  He said we're waiting until Dean's older.  I left that up to him.  I'd love any kids he wanted to have.  I think Dean would go nuts if we gave him a little sister."  John gave him a horrified look.  "What?"  He grinned his best innocent grin.

"I saw Dean teaching you that look," he said dryly.  "He'd go insane and be one of those big brothers that would never let his sister date, hunt, or get into trouble."

Dean looked at him, then at Sam.  "Sister?"

"Maybe in the future."

Dean spit then cackled.  "'Lec!"

Sam poked Xander until he woke up.  "What's he saying?"

"'Lec!" Dean cooed happily.  "Sister."

Xander grinned, leaning over to kiss him on the forehead. "Sure, if you have a sister she can be like Electra.  We'll make her the most kick ass girl ever and she'll be better than Buffy because she won't wear the slutty heels hunting."  Dean cackled at that.  "She won't.  Even if she'll die a virgin."  Dean nodded at that, beaming at Sam.  He looked at the two men.  "How did we get on this subject?"

"I asked Sammy if he wanted more kids in the future."

"Well, if we can get his stomach flap to open and he wants, Tara did volunteer to donate a few eggs," Xander said.  "Since it's now three months since the birth and my stomach muscles are still protesting, let's not even mention me falling out of shape for patrol, I think I'm gonna wait for a while."

"I said it was up to you," Sam reminded him, stroking over his stomach.  "You weren't that heavy."  He smiled, teasing the area over the flap.  "All up to you."  Xander swatted his hand.  "What?" he asked with the innocent grin.

"No claiming in the store please," Giles called over, cracking Dean up.  "I don't care what sort of animal spirit you have, Samuel, the hyena stays in the closet unless Xander has to protect the family."  He turned the page.  "Plus you two would make a mess downstairs, one I would fear to clean up."  He went back to reading.

"You need more after earlier?" John asked, looking serious.

"Do you remember being in love at my age?" Sam countered.

"I wasn't with your mom then," he admitted.

"Dad."

"I remember being with someone who wasn't very good for me.  Kept getting me back late from weekends off base.  Mostly because we were destroying her walls with sex," he admitted.

Sam grinned.  "We fixed the one we dented."  Xander moaned, hiding his face in Sam's shoulder.   "Sorry, babe."

"Ooh, does this mean I finally get to watch?" Anya called, bouncing in from the kitchen.  "Who's he?  You added onto the bedroom and didn't tell me?  I wanted to help, Sam!   I make a good third for a trio!"

"Anya, that's my dad," Sam said, nodding at him.

"Oh, him," she said, scowling at him.  "You're right behind Rosenburg on my future shit list, Mister.  I'd behave."

"I am," he promised.  "I've dealt with some of your handiwork before, Anyanka.  You were very fierce.  I know to be scared of you."  She sniffled and gave him a hug then walked off wiping off her cheeks.  "Is she...."

"You gave her a great compliment," Xander said quietly.  "Even if she does want Sam to spank her."

"I'd never do it for the reason she wants," Sam quipped, making Dean cackle.  "Just think, you used to date girls like her," he told his brother.  Dean cackled louder.

"Dean's lucky she never visited him in a professional capacity," John said dryly.  Dean cackled again.  "Yeah, you, son."  He stroked his back.  "Want to go back to sleep?"  Dean shook his head.  "Want read to?"  He shook his head.

Xander looked at him.  "If you don't behave you can't go see Grandma Joyce later.  I'll let Sam stay home while I go on patrol."

Dean pouted.  "Me go?"

"No you can't go until you're sixteen," Xander told him. "That's the local rule, Dean.  No slaying and patrols until you're old enough to drive yourself to the ER when you stake yourself.  Or you can drive yourself out of town away from Aunt Buffy if you fall."

Dean nodded.  "Okay."  He looked at Sam.  "Train?"

"Next month," he promised.  Dean smirked.  "With Aunt Buffy."  Dean shrugged.

"She can really fight?" John asked quietly.

"She's a lot better than I am," Sam told him.  "You should watch her some night."

"I saw her in boots like Nancy Sinatra sung about the last time," he said dryly.

"Usually," Giles agreed.  "I tried to stop it but she proved that she can fight in them.  I had to let her."  He turned the page again.  "Dean, there's juice in the ice box if you want some."  Dean wiggled until his father put him down and let him get some juice.  Giles looked over then casually waved a hand, pinning John to the ceiling.  "Should you hurt that sweet young man, I will make Willow and Tara's punishments look like cotton candy.  Are we agreed?" he asked patiently.

"Yeah, you're scarier than the redhead," he agreed.  "They can rip me apart and you'll have my remains eaten."

"Who said you wouldn't be alive?"  Dean came back and looked up then sniffled.  "I'm not hurting him, Dean.  Simply making myself clear to him."  He floated him back down and back to the couch, staring at him.  John nodded.  "Good.  I'm glad we could come to this genteel understanding."

"Where did you train?" John asked.

"London."  He gave him a look.  "Back in the bad old days."

Xander looked over.  "Feeling the need to put on jeans again?  Maybe a t-shirt and flannel?  Find the old punk records Spike and Oz tried to steal?"

Giles gave him a look.  "Not at the moment, though I wouldn't mind a replay of what Joyce and I did.  She is a wonderful woman who could more than adequately fire my heart."

"I'll let her know you're interested," Sam said.

"Oh, she knows," Xander said.  "When Ethan gave us band candy that had a youthening curse on it, mental only, they ... the british way of saying it is having at it, on the hood of a  police car."

"It was locked," Giles said.

Dean gave him a look of awe.  "Grammy?"

Giles smiled.  "I wasn't always this stuffy person I am now, Dean."  Dean walked over to give him a hug then came back to hug Xander.

"Thanks, kiddo.  What did I get that for?"

"School."

"Ah.  So I'm up there on your cool meter still?"  Dean smirked and nodded.  "Oh, Giles, I told the cop who told me about the Fed who came to try to drive me insane and then arrest me to tell Buffy."  He pulled Dean into his lap while Giles choked, opening the bottle of juice for him.  "There you go.  Cranberry."  Dean smiled, wiggling over between the two sets of parents so he could drink it.  "Good boy.  I'm very proud of that choice."

"He had ten UTI's at this age the last time.  He got very sick of cranberry juice and sauce," John told him.

"We've only had the one in his first month.  Then Sam got used to cleaning him."  Sam nodded at that.  "But we had a nice, warm bath and cuddled together.  It made him feel better."  He smoothed down his hair, getting a grin.  "Be a good boy tonight for Joyce?"  Dean nodded.  "Good boy.  You can even ask Spike to tell you about another demon later on if you want."  Dean beamed at him and finished his juice, handing it to his father to toss out.  John drained the last few drops before doing that.  "He does that to you too?  He gives milk back to me half-full."

"He didn't get a good taste for milk until he was nearly six," John told him.  He patted down the same stubborn hairs.  "Isn't that why you started to use gel?"  Dean glared at him.  "Sorry," he said with a smirk.

Dean groaned, climbing between his new parents to hide and nap again.  They'd keep his dad from picking on him.

***

Sam pinned Xander against the crypt and kissed him again.  "We are lost."

"We aren't lost," Xander said dryly.  "Sunnydale's not that big."

"We're lost, Xander.  There is no hope of anyone saving you from me."  He moved closer to nibble on his throat.

"Did the incubus that came to hit on me get you too?"

"No," he said, biting harder.  Xander yelped then groaned, tipping his head back more.  "That's my boy."

"Fiancee?"

"It's inevitable that you'll give in.  I got Dean to listen to newer stuff, I can wear you down until you agree to marry my cute ass."  He nibbled some more, making Xander groan.  He smiled.  "I want to suck you here," he whispered.  Xander whimpered.  "Want to clean out the vamps?"  He nodded at the crypt.  Xander grabbed his stake and they went to clean out the crypt so they could use it.  Once it was gone Sam went down to move the small pad of bandage they had covered the flap with so no more dirt could get in there.  Then he made sure with his tongue.  Xander's shriek echoed off the marble.

***

Up the cemetery Buffy looked around.  "Hold up, guys.  I heard Xander shrieking?"  They heard another one and she groaned.  "Never mind, he's not in trouble.  Unless Sam's really evil."  She walked off shaking her head.  "I need one of those."

"I know a few younger hunters," John offered.  Joyce had shoved him out of the house and said she'd talk to him tomorrow at the gallery.  She beamed at him.  "A few were even cute the last time I knew.  I can ask around for you, Buffy."

"Please.  I need a guy who can keep up with me."

"You probably do," he agreed.  He looked back at the shrieking. "What are they doing?"  A demon came running and shrieking, covering his eyes.  "Never mind, they scared him. Beheading work?"

Buffy stopped the demon, looking at him.  "What was that bad?"

"He's tonguing the birthing flap," he said in his language, rubbing his eyes.  "That's sacred and he's using it like a woman's unholy hole!"  He burst out crying, stomping off.

"Sam discovered that the flap is a lot like oral sex with a girl," Buffy translated.  "So the shrieking probably had a good reason.  I used to when Riley tried, even though he was pitiful at it.  Not even I could've taught that boy how to do it better.  Not even Sam could."  She walked off shaking her head again.

"Um, the demon?" John asked, pointing after him.

"Harmless," Willow told him.  "He's a water filtration sort of demon.  He's helpful.  We get a lot of them around here too because the hellmouth ignores everything strange.  Even us."  She smirked at him.  "Everyone decided Giles was right when he said Xander getting fat was a medical problem instead of the obvious answer since the baby was kicking and moving."

"A lot," Buffy agreed.  "Sam was so *cute*," she squealed.  "Dean would kick and Sam would bend over to talk to him or give Xander belly loves like he was a puppy.  They were adorable together.  Xander needs to have another so we can squeal over another baby."

"When Dean's an adult again," Willow said, patting her on the arm.  She looked at John.  "That's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah it could be," he agreed.  "Dean would go insane to be a big brother again.  He's highly protective of his little brother.  A new little brother or sister would be protected and loved until they screamed at him then he'd just grin and make them take it anyway.  Like he did to Sammy."

Buffy went 'awww' with Willow.  "I want to see that."

"Talk Xander into it."

"He's still wary about Dean wanting to go back to traveling when he's older," Willow said.  "He knows Sam would go with him because that's their life.  He doesn't want to hold him back and make him miserable."

"That's why the older hunters settle somewhere and cover an area.  Not as much traveling.  Dean might still go cover some things on his own but Sam and Xander could settle down a bit more and give him a steady base to come back to."

"Suggest it to them," Willow said.  She linked arms with Buffy and they walked off again.  "What're you taking next semester?"

"Um...  We have to pick already?  Again?"

"Yes, Buffy," she said dryly.  "You could take French or Latin to do the language credits we need to have."  Buffy whined at that thought.  "You already know it."

"Maybe."  She grimaced.  "Eww.  Can't I not go to school next semester?"

"Only if you're moving."

"Never mind.  Fine, I'll pick them later tonight."  She trudged on.  She hated making these decisions.  It was like trying to figure out what she'd do when she graduated.

John snickered.  "Buffy, you can't do much with it but there is a PE degree.  You can take that and a few teaching classes then teach PE or open an aerobics place."

"That might be okay," she said, looking at Willow.  "Then you could do the books or Xander could with a calculator since he and math aren't friends."

"You could," Willow agreed.  "And hey, you could teach a special class with the slayer training and be a *great* success since it does keep you fit.  Better than pilates."

"I could," she agreed happily.  "I wonder if Mom would like that."

"We can ask later or tomorrow."

Buffy beamed and nodded, going back to the hunting.  She looked around, frowning.  "Oh, poop.  Willow, major issues.  Text Sam, get John out of here, now!" she ordered, giving her a nudge out of the way as the charging demon got close enough to hit.

Willow texted the SOS to Sam while pulling John behind some headstones.  "You don't want to get closer.  That thing hates her and has tried to kill her a few times.  He sent his whole clan after her the last time but she beat their butts."  She called Giles. "It's me, it's back.  Now, right now.  Um, Golden Slumbers."  She hung up then pointed.  "That's why Buffy's a slayer," she said.

John watched, giving her an awed look.  "She's more than good enough to train my sons," he whispered.  Sam and Xander ran up to help.  Xander had his belt undone.  "Aw, crap.  No."

"No, that's fine," she said, stopping him.  "It's not harmed by magic or anything like that but I can help.  Sam, boost?"

"Me," Xander shouted.  She boosted him up so he could pounce it on the head and shoulders while Sam got the back of the demon.   His was the less vulnerable spot even if the demon could reach him.   He stabbed.  "Crap, Willow, silver!  All I have is steel tonight!"  John stood up and tossed a dagger at Sam, who tossed it up to Xander, still distracting the demon while Xander found the spot and stabbed it.  Sam and Buffy caught Xander when the demon screamed and flailed, knocking him off.  They landed in a tangle on the ground but the demon was thrashing and trying to get the dagger out.

Willow growled and pushed on the dagger magically, keeping it in place.  The demon saw her and stumbled toward her.  Sam shouted and tried to knock it down but Willow got her and John out of the way.

Buffy got back up and went back to handling it while it died.  He was weaker now but still had wicked claws.  She got one cut on her arm but she kicked the dagger in deeper and it finally fell face down and died.  She panted, bending over, hands on her knees.  "I hate those things.  They take forever and cut down my time in the Bronze."  She pulled out the dagger, shaking it off carefully so nothing got onto her, handing it back to John.  "Thanks for the lending.  Usually Xander would have one on him."

Xander shrugged.  "My dagger's handle is loose.  It's at home so I can get a new screw for it tomorrow.  If I had my axe I would've done it."

"Fine," she said.  "Sam, you good?"

"A bit sore where you landed on me but I'm good," he said, checking Xander over by skimming his hands over his arms and down his chest.  "No new pains?"

"Not even a head injury," he said with a grin.  Sam gave him a look so he took a kiss.  "I'm good, Sam.  I promise."

"I'll check for bruises later."  He tugged on the belt, making Xander blush but hitch it up.

"Oh, we already knew," Buffy assured them.  "A demon came running and crying because you were treating the holy flap like an unholy woman's opening.  That and that crypt echoes, Sam.  Pick a better one.  I do."  She shrugged and moved off with Willow giggling.  "You wait on Giles so he can have the liver or whatever he wanted?"

"Sure," she agreed.  "Have a good time at the Bronze.  I'll be there soon."  She nodded, heading that way.  Sam and Xander followed.  "You can go too, John.  The Bronze is usually good hunting.  It's the only club in town."

"I can wait so you're not alone."

"I can handle most things," she said dryly.  "I started out on normal patrols."  Xander came jogging back their way, jumping over the body on his way past.  The demon following him didn't and tripped so she staked it.  It groaned but died on top of him.  "Thanks, Xander.  Needed it."

"Joyce called, Dean's got that fever again," he said, still running off.

"Okay."  She watched him go for as long as she could.  "He's a good daddy."  Giles came panting up with Spike behind him.  "I staked the other one because it was chasing Xander.  Buffy's headed for the Bronze with Sam."

"That's excellent, Willow."  He looked at them.  "Spike, I believe some of your sources would like one on top?"  Spike nodded, hauling it off to another cemetery.  "Float it to my car please, Willow?"

"Is it one with useful parts?" John asked.

"Very expensive parts," Giles assured him. "One part that can help in healing and I need some around, just in case.  Is she all right?"

"Small slice on her arm.  It pissed her off; you know what hurting her clothes does to her temper," Willow assured him.  He nodded, leaving it there and heading off with him and the demon.  John followed then walked her to the Bronze so they could get a drink, have a break, stake some vampires out for an easy meal apparently, plus talk some more.

John looked around.  He shook his head.  "Did they set this up?"

"The whole town was set up by a demon," Willow told him.  "He tried to ascend for our graduation.  He built the town as a farm to draw other demons, which would make him stronger and give him more power.  Though he was a germphobic demon.  Really ugly when he made it to pure demon status too."  She sipped her drink, nodding behind him.  "See the blonde, yappy thing?  That's Harmony.  Someone turned her in Paris right after graduation.  She was one of Cordelia's sheep.  Spike tried to date her for a bit to take the place of Dru but it wasn't happening.  He got so pissed at her stupidity."  She pasted on a fake smile.  "Hi, Harmony."

"Who's the hotty with Buffy?" she demanded.

"This is John, his father.  Sam's the father of Xander's son, Dean."

"Oh."  She sneered at John.  "At least your gay son is cute."  She walked off.

Willow staked her.  "He's more than cute but he's been nice, polite, and sweet to Xander so none of us try except for Anya and some sex demons now and then."  Her phone buzzed so she pulled it out, waving at Buffy so she drug Sam over.  "Xander's got Dean in the ER.  There was a slight attack there and Spike saved him and your mom."  She let her see the message.  "Head."  She nodded, heading back to her house, Sam splitting off to hit the ER.  Willow looked then followed Sam with John.  "C'mon.  I can get us there faster even if he is driving."  John nodded, letting her take the shortcuts without fear of the vampires tonight.  He got a few more on the way up there but they got there about the same time Sam did.  "Hey."  Sam gave her an odd look.  "Buffy's going to be mother-fussing her mother.  You need me to control Xander if he's in a panic."

"Maybe."  He walked up to the desk.  "Dean Winchester?"

"Is that the patient's name?"

"Xander Harris is the other parent."

"Oh.  Xander's back in bay six."  She looked at Willow.  "I don't know why but he's being *very* calm.  That scary calm, Willow."

"Again?  Damn it."  They walked back there, her dragging Sam.  "Xander."  He came out of that area and let them inside.  "What's going on?"

"They're saying it's not his appendix even though it's where the pain is."  He looked at her.  "The new doc just walked off crying.  I'm going to beat someone."  He walked out, going to find a nurse.  He found one who knew him from all his visits.  "Can I please get a *real* doctor to come look at my son's appendix since I'm pretty sure it just burst?"  She nodded, hurrying off.  He stomped back there.  He growled at the crying one, making her run off.  "Not her."  She went to find someone else.  He walked back into the cubicle to pace.  "Willow?"

"Yeah, if it didn't burst it's damn close," she admitted.  "I'd rather have him in a better hospital, Xander.  They nearly botched yours."

"I know."  He looked over as one of the senior, oldest doctors came in.  "Doctor Phipps," he sighed in relief.  "He has a fever, his side hurts right over his appendix.  He said it's not hurting as much now.  I think his may've popped."

"Let me check, Xander.  Move please, Willow.  You still do not have a medical degree and will not be allowed to operate this time either."  He smiled at the baby.  "Who's the mother?"

"Actually, I had him," Xander said.  The old doctor gave him a look.  Xander nodded.  "Spell."

"Never mind."  He looked him over then nodded.  "We can do an ultrasound down here, Xander.  It's not popped yet but the pains are a reason to look."  The nurse went to get one.  "Did you hit the other doctor?" he asked patiently.

"No, I screamed at her for being stupid," Xander said honestly.  "I refuse to let my son die at the hands of the bad docs that seem to live up on the third floor."

"Good point."  He took the machine from the nurse, looking at it.  "Is he under any spells?"

"Quick aging due to how he was born," Sam said.  "One year a month."

"All right.  Let's go ahead and remove it anyway, boys.  I'll be very gentle, Xander, and you can watch from the observation room.  All right?"  Xander nodded.  Dean pouted at him.  "I know, young man, but better to be safe than sorry.  With the way you're aging you could die before they could get you in here if it did rupture this time.  I'll make them very small scars if I can."  He signed orders for the nurse, letting her get the orderlies and the room ready.  "Xander, do you need a sedative?"

"With my kid in the operating room?" he asked with a slightly hysterical laugh.  "Fat chance!"

"You'll stay calm and not pounce this time?" he asked patiently.

"I'll help him stay calm," Sam promised.  That got a nod and they let them follow them all the way to the doors to the operating room.  "We'll be watching, Dean.  Don't you worry about a thing, all right?"

"Shiny," he said, pointing up.

Xander looked then at him, smiling at him.  "It won't hurt you.  I promise it won't.  I will bust in and kill it if it comes for you," he said in his ear.  He looked at the doctor.  "Can I come in with him?"

"The operating room is blessed, Mr. Harris," the doctor said patiently.  "You don't need to.  Whatever he saw can't get in."  Xander nodded, looking at Dean, who nodded and let them all hug him before he went in.  "Thank you, boys."  He pointed.  "The observation area."  Xander walked over there and planted himself.  John and Sam followed.  "He's certainly a fussy father," he told the nurse as he went in to scrub.

"Not that I blame him.  The other doctor told him it was gas pains."

"Ah.  Another one.  Have her transferred up to three as well."

"They claim they're full."

"Then have them start firing the stupid ones," he suggested.  "Or let whatever eats patients eat them."  He started the scrubbing ritual, muttering to himself while he worked.  He always prayed for help while he did surgeries because even the least little thing could cause a problem.

***

Dean woke up and blinked at the hovering person.  "Hi."

"Hi," Xander said softly, stroking through his hair.  "How you feelin'?"

"Itches."

"I know.  I had mine out when I was eight.  Doctor Phipps was the guy who saved me after the first guy nearly killed me.  That's why I trusted him with you."  He smiled.  "Want some water?  It's all you can have until he gets in here to look you over."  Dean nodded, sipping the water from the bottle he held.  "That's my boy."  He sat next to him on the bed, pushing the nurse's button.  "He's up, had some water."

"You make a good father, Mr. Harris.  Let me tell the doctor that.  With any luck he should be able to go home tomorrow."  She went to page the doctor to tell him that.

Xander grinned.  "No one's yelled about me making the first one cry yet.  I'm kinda happy this time.  That and Buffy got the thing that ate sick kids a few years back."  Dean gave him a look.  He nodded.  "There was a demon here called Kinderstad.  It attacked sick kids.  We had a run of a really bad flu and Buffy caught it so she was on the ward with them.  She was fevered and delusional but she fought the demon in the basement.  Then she passed out, but she killed it."  He stroked through his hair again.  "You can have a bath in a while.  We're really good with injuries around here."  Dean looked under the sheet then at him. "They did it with the new stuff.  Only three small holes, Dean."  Dean grinned.  "I know, scars aren't good for the ladies when you're old enough to pick them up."  He smiled at the doctor coming in.  "You are?"

"Doctor Phipps said to check his incision for infection."   She gave him a look.  "Would you get off the bed please, sir?"

"I'm not moving from my son's side, lady.  I don't care who you are."  She gaped.  He moved the sheet and checked the bandage, then looked at her.  "Not bad.  He going home with an antibiotic?" he asked the new nurse coming in.

"Probably, Mr. Harris.  He's your son?"  Xander nodded.  "How did that happen?"

"Ask Giles.  He's got the full thingy that happened."  He smiled at his son.  "Maybe we'll even get to go home tonight.  The cable in here kinda sucks and there's a Doctor Who marathon on tonight."  Dean gave him a look then snickered.  "I know, I'm a geek but Sam and I were going to watch it together.  You can play with the cat or whatever.  Or you could watch it with us.  It'll give you a good way to know some of the geekier side of Sam."  Dean grinned at that.  He looked at the doctor.  "They're a bit red, not particularly sore, and no puss came out.  I can even do his bandage changes.  Really.  You can quit staring any time now."

The nurse grimaced.  "Mr. Harris, we know very well you could've have had the child."  An officer came in.  "Him."

Xander waved.  "Hi, Dave."

"Xander.  How is he?"

"Appendix issues.  You wanna smack them for me?"

He looked at the nurse.  "The OB the judge called in said he did give birth."  She gasped.  "So leave him alone.  Now."  She huffed off and so did the doctor.  "You gonna check him out?"

"I'm waiting on Phipps.  If they come back I'm going to smack one," Xander told him.  "Dean, this is Dave.  He's just started on the PD's team.  He was at graduation with me.  He did a great job of helping get parents out of the way.  He used to be on the football team."  Dean waved and smiled, getting a grin back.  "Sam at work?"

"Popped into work then went to restock your first aid kit with Willow.  I saw him in the pharmacy."

"That's normal.  I restocked it when I was pregnant."  He shrugged, smiling when the proper doctor came in with the first one.  "Just a bit red, Doc."

He checked, pressing quietly.   "Then I think this young one could go home. Xander.  Let me get him some antibiotics?"

"Sure, I can handle that."  He smiled and went to get the paperwork.  Xander grinned at Dave.  "They confiscated my phone for texting Buffy last night.  Can you get it for me?"

"I'll drive you home, Xander."  He nodded his thanks.  "I won't even fuss about safety seats this time."

"It's in the Impala."

The doctor came back with the instruction sheet, a prescription, and a small bag.  "His clothes?"

"Your phone and knife as well," he agreed, giving him a look.

"I was on patrol.  Feel lucky it was only a knife."

"Good point.  Sign."  Xander signed while he disconnected Dean's IV, smiling at him.  "You'll be a good boy and take your pills or you have to come back," he said quietly.  Dean gave him a solemn nod.  "Good boy."  He patted him on the head once he had redone his bandages.  "Thank you, Xander.  Remember the usual stitches precautions and he should be fine.  If not, call your normal pediatrician."

"Yes, sir."  He picked Dean up with a groan.  "Come on, Dean."  He grabbed the rest of the stuff, walking out with it.  He kissed him on the side of the head.  "You scared the crap out of us," he said once they were in the elevator.  Dean gave his neck a squeeze.  "Thanks."  He smiled at Dave, coming out to find John parking.  "Looks like we won't need it."  He gave his former comrade a nudge with his shoulder.  "Thanks, Dave.  That's Grandpa."

"Sure, Xander.  Last night?"

"Which part?"

"The floating body."

"Giles wanted a liver or something."  He shrugged.  "Who knows.  It's for the shop.  It stupidly attacked Buffy.  That makes it only good for parts."  He walked off snickering at that.  "Did you get his seat?"

"I did."  He came over to take Dean, sniffing his hair.  "You could probably use a bath."

"Let's get him home and we can do that."  He got Dean hitched into his seat then climbed in, checking the prescription papers.  "Huh.  A warning that some of the docs in town want to cut me open."  He put that into his pocket.  "Antibiotics."

"Of course he does.  We can run out to get it in a few."

Xander shook his head.  "The pharmacy is really fast."  He pointed at the drive thru when they got near it.  John drove then through and he rolled down the window.  "Hey, Beth, antibiotics please?" he said, handing her the slip.  "My son had his appendix out."

She looked.  "Give me two minutes, Xander.  Insurance?"  He handed over his card and wallet.  She smiled, going to run it for him.  She came back two minutes later with the bag and his wallet.  "There you go.  I put it into the back.  It was eighteen."  She waved at the baby.  "I gave him a baby sucker too."

"Thanks, Beth.  Have a good night."  He put the bag beside him and rolled up the window before they drove on, getting an odd look from John.  "There's not much call for them around here except around the first of the month or the fifteenth when people get their pills.  The rest of the time they're usually very speedy.  That's also the fastest way to see if someone's dead, have Willow hack their system to see who hasn't filled their pills recently."

"Interesting.  I hadn't thought of that idea."  He drove them back to Xander and Sam's apartment, getting out and carrying Dean upstairs while Xander got the rest of the stuff.  Dean grabbed the bag to get his treat.  "Bath and drugs first, son."

"I agree," Xander said when Dean looked at him.  "Otherwise you'll get the lollipop nasty."  Dean nodded, letting Xander cover it with a waterproof bandage so he could have a shower.  "There you go.  Want me or him?"  Dean pointed at his father.  "Sure.  I can let him have that.  Let me check on the cat."  Dean walked his first father in there while Xander checked the bowls and petted the cat, earning a silent meow.  "He'll be fine," he promised, smiling at her.  "Did you protect Sam for me?"  She purred, nudging against his hand so he scratched where she wanted.  "That's my good girl, Bastest."

John came to the bathroom door.  "What's her name?"

"Bastest.  Sam got her for me.  Her mommy was a familiar for the witch who loved Dean," he said quietly.  "She's my first pet."  He smiled at him.  "He's going to play in the bubbles."

"I'm letting him, it's making him feel better."  He went to check.  "Do your hair too, Dean."  Dean grumbled but let him do his hair for him then went back to playing with the water and the bubbles.  The cat came in and stared at the curtain.  "What's wrong?  He not okay?"  She looked up at him then hopped up onto the sink to look in the shower.  Dean giggled, reaching up to pet her.  She sniffed then meowed to him before scampering off to clean the water off her.  "I guess she was making sure you were okay."

"That's because that hospital sucks," Xander told him, coming in with a mug of coffee.  "Dean, what did you want for breakfast?  Oatmeal or scrambled eggs and toast?"

"Eggs."

"Sure.  Want peanut butter toast?"  Dean beamed and nodded.  "Cool with me, kiddo."  He went to cook for him, smiling at the cat when she came to help.  She liked peanut butter and he would indulge her all she wanted.  Dean came streaking past a few minutes later, making him laugh.  "Clothes, young man.  You're potty trained now."

"Yes, Mom."  His father gave him a look but he ignored it.  He'd understand why soon enough.

"Thank you."  He finished the food by the time Dean had managed to pull on his socks and came out to sit at the small table they had.  He put down a plate in front of him, giving him a look.  "Say it."  Dean mumbled a blessing over his food and he handed John a plate, letting him say his own grace.  "Tara says he has to say blessings over his food.  We decided we didn't mind."  He came out with juice for Dean, sitting down next to him to take a piece of his toast.  The cat leapt onto his shoulder, getting some of the peanut butter from his finger.  "There you go, sweetheart."  She nuzzled him then went to lay in the sun.  "We'll let the balcony doors stay open for a while," he promised.  "As long as you don't sneak out to give us kittens."

"She's not fixed?"

"Tara and Melinda are talking about fixing her.  We're not sure."  He nibbled on the toast and cleaned up what Dean couldn't.  He handed over the treat, getting a grin back.  "Juice."  Dean finished it and went to open the balcony doors so he could sit in the sun for a while.  "Books today or what, Dean?"

"Books," he called.  Might as well get them out of the way so he could play later.

Xander went to get the stack of workbooks, coming back to work with him on his spanish skills.  John gave him a confused look.  "We're in California, John.  It's a handy language.  Especially if they have to work anywhere in lower Texas later on."  He went back to it.  After Dean had gotten a few pages right he went over the Willow-created language workbooks.  "What's that word?" he asked, pointing.

"Fire," Dean said proudly.

"Good job.  What do we use fire for in Latin?"

"Depends on the translation of the exorcism spell because a few say something about God's fire coming to cleanse them.  Otherwise Willow uses it a lot in the cemeteries and so can we if either of us had magic?"

"And?" Xander prompted.

"A lot of the prophecies have fire talking about the hell-born demons instead of those born on hell dimensions or other planes.  That's how they tell the difference."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "I got it right?"

"Nearly perfect."  He kissed him on the head and turned the page after finishing writing down his answer for him.  "Next month we can work on handwriting.  When your fine motor controls come back."  Dean nodded.  "What's this word?"

"Water.  It's a good word.  It helps in exorcisms and it helps with classifications.  Plus it's a helpful word on maps sometimes when they're really old."  Xander nodded, writing that down for him.  He leaned over to look at him.  "Can you speak Latin?"

"I only read Latin.  I read a few languages thanks to Giles, but I haven't had to speak them.  Most of the Watchery books are in ancient, dead languages."

"How many?"

"I think there's sixteen major, four of those demonic, and then another thirty or so minor ones.  Giles reads twelve of the major and two of the minor.  Wes, in LA with Angel, he reads one of the two that we don't plus however many others and Spike reads the one neither Watcher or Willow does.  Plus Anya reads Norse since those were her people when she was your age.  She and Spike speak most of the demonic languages and Buffy's gifted to understand most of them too."   He smirked.  "I can kinda speak one of the more common demon languages."

"Wow.  Can I learn that one to swear in?"

"Sure, but if you say the right swear in it, it lights things on fire.  I do that sometimes with Latin too.  That's why Giles forbid me to read from the books in Latin.  It's why I only read it."

Dean laughed.  "You did it on accident?"

"Yup.  All I did was read a section."  He shrugged.  "It happens I guess.  Willow said that's another sign that I mess up magic stuff."

"Maybe you should take some training in it?" John suggested.

"I've taken enough to summon the remote," Xander said with a smart grin.  "I don't need magic, John.  I'm perfectly content the way I am."  He went back to Dean's lessons, not minding at all when the cat came over to lay on top of the workbook.  "Want us to move to Egyptian instead?" he teased.  Dean laughed, petting her gently.  "Good boy.  Grab your pills."  He went to grab the bag, letting him read the dosing instructions.  He pulled up a dropper and took it.  Then he finished his lollipop.  "Good boy."  He kissed him on the head.  "After you're done with her, we'll check on Sam.  Did he go to work?"

"Helping Auntie Willow."

"Still?  What are they getting for the first aid kit?"  John shrugged.  Xander sighed, shaking his head.  "Fine.  We'll go to the Magic Box so you can run around in the back room today.  Spike's over there probably and he can work on that movement style so you're more in balance."  Dean beamed and nodded, going back to his page of workbook so he could finish up.  Xander got the backpack system and Dean climbed in from the couch once he had it on.  "Good job.  Keys, wallet?"  John handed it over.  "We'll walk this time.  It's my day off PT."

"You don't jog?" he teased.

"I work construction.  I do plenty of exercise every day," he said dryly.  "So does Sam."  He locked the door behind them and headed out to the Magic Box.  It was a nice walk, a few blocks.  "Gotta love the small towns.  It's easier to find your way.  Even at a dead run."  He walked in and took off the backpack, letting Dean wiggle out and go downstairs to hunt Spike.  "He has antibiotics."

"As long as he's all right," Giles said happily.  "How are his workbooks going?"

"I left them in front of the balcony with Bastest sleeping on them.  She decided he needed to play today."

He smiled as the child drug Spike upstairs and into the back room.  "That's fine, Dean.  You work back there."

"I told him about Buffy having the flu that time," Xander said, leaning on the counter.  "What else is up today and what are they stocking for the first aid kit?"

"I do believe Willow was also going to handle the agent issue you were having," he said.

"Ah."  He grinned at Anya when she came out of the kitchen.  "You hate peanut butter."

"I don't know why but I wanted it today."

Xander gave her a cautious look.  "Anya, birth control pills?" he suggested.

"I take them every day like I'm supposed to.  I hardly ever forget."

"There's a test in the bathroom from when Buffy was having sympathy cravings, go use it," Giles ordered.  She huffed but went to do that.  He looked up.  "Please?"

"She hasn't been sick, that would've come first," Xander said.  She came out shaking her head.  He looked at it.  "Nope, negative."

"See, I wanted peanut butter.  Probably one of those girl things Buffy talks about."

"Perhaps," Giles agreed.   "We'll find out."  He went to call the other girls to make sure.  "Xander, you as well."

"That was the only one in there."

"Go get another one," he ordered.  Xander huffed but went to get another pregnancy test so he could take one too.  John shook his head, going to watch Dean and the vampire to make sure the vampire wasn't hurting him.  Dean was giggling about whatever Spike was telling him.  "John?" Giles called.  He came back out.  "Was he alone at the hospital?"

"Yup.  That nice doctor passed him a note warning him a few of the others wanted to experiment on him."

"Yes, there's a few who would.  That's what worries me."  Xander came back with the bag and went to take one, coming out to show him the negative reading five minutes later.  "Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine.  There's plenty of demons that want to tear me apart, Giles.  Having humans want to isn't much different.  What do I care about them until they attack?"  He went to help Spike with his son.  "What are you telling him this time?" he demanded.

"Cave slayer," Dean said with an evil grin.

"That was definitely not the highlight of her freshman year.  Of course, if I catch you drinking underage I know what he used," he said with an evil smirk.  "Clear?"

"Crystal," he agreed.  "Twenty-one?"

"If you must," he sighed.  Dean nodded.  "Fine.  No being an alchie, Dean.  I won't put up with that."

"I wasn't!"

"As long as it doesn't go that way this time either."

Dean nodded, giving him a short hug then going back to what Spike was teaching him.  Xander was in the corner watching how he moved.  He was moving better now.  It was easier to learn this stuff at a younger age.  Buffy bounced back and got to work on his other lesson, which was a lot easier and helped with the balance and growth stuff.  "Mom, crib?" he asked.

"We can get you a real bed this weekend and let Grandma Joyce have her crib back," he agreed.  "Plus take your old stuff to the consignment or thrift store."  Dean gave him a look.  "Yes, we do give back in this town.  I shop there a lot."

"Ugly shirts?"

"No, sweetie, we aunties bought all your clothes so Xander couldn't give you ugly shirts," Buffy promised, cracking Spike up.  "We did!"  Xander nodded she was right.  "We bought him all his clothes so he wouldn't have to suffer through a Xanderish wardrobe."  She showed Dean another move, letting him practice it.  "We need a tape."

"Have two at home, was waiting for next month," Xander admitted.  She beamed at him.  "Find us a bed sale?"

"Of course!"  She bounced out to do that.  She was the queen of sales.

Xander grinned.  "She likes to shop, it makes her happy."

"She needs a new boyfriend," Spike said.

"Last I heard that was your job," Xander shot back, giving him a look.  Spike only glared then walked off.  "Guess he's not stud enough."  Spike growled from the kitchen.  "Maybe Riley *was* better for her."  Spike broke something and went to drag Buffy back down to the basement to help cure her bounciness problem.  "And that's how you make Spike do stuff, Dean."  Dean cackled, coming over to hug him.  "What should we do for the rest of the day?"

"Lunch?" he asked hopefully.

"Sure, we can do lunch."  He stood up with a groan.  "Getting ancient again."  He walked him out.  "This one wants lunch.  We're hitting the deli.  What am I picking up for others?"  Giles handed him money.  "The usual?"  Giles nodded.  "Pickles on the side, right?"  Giles smiled and nodded.   "John?"

"Not hungry yet, kids."  He watched them go.  "He's not a bad guy," he said.

"Xander has this way of making you like him," Giles agreed dryly.  "Even Spike.  Do shut the bloody hell up, Spike!  There's customers in the store!" he shouted at a loud moan.  He shook his head.  "Sorry."

"Xander taunted him into it."

"He has a few times."  He shook his head, ringing up the next customer.  "Sorry about him."

She giggled.  "Young love is so cute."  She walked out with her bags.

"Unless you're sickened by mush," John added, cracking Giles up.  "I'm surprised Dean hasn't said something about Sam and Xander."

"He used to kick the snot out of him when the girls got mushy."

"I heard that from Willow."  He went to browse the shelves.  The store was set up for hunters and magic users of all types to get what they needed.  He looked at one thing, walking it out held up.  "You can find this?"

"I know a procurer in LA.  Angel found them for me."  He smirked a bit.  "It pays to know what you're doing in that field."  John just nodded and went to put it back.

Spike came to the top of the stairs.  "Slayer dream," he announced.  "She'll wake soon."  Giles nodded, getting what he needed to record it.  He went back down, helping her up the stairs when she woke up panting and sweating.  "Hey.  He heard."

She ran up the stairs, making sure she was dressed before reappearing through the doorway.  "It's apocalypse time."  Xander came back with the stuff from the deli.  "Mine?" she asked hopefully.  Xander gave her his spare sandwich.  "It's another one."

"Big menace, little menace growing up, or otherwise?" Xander asked, staring at her.

"I saw Lothos.  He's dead though.  He killed my first Watcher and I got him."

Xander considered it then looked at the books.  "Sam said something about nightmares."  He found the book he had been worrying about, sitting down to read it with Giles hovering.  "Here, nightmares but not a nightmare demon."  He let them have it, settling Dean on his lap to make him eat.  "You eat and let us worry about that stuff."

"Patrol?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, we'll have to step up patrol, Dean."  He stroked over his hair.  "Don't you worry. We handle one of these every few years."  He texted Sam's phone with the word apocalypse.  He got back a cute answer.  "Sam said it can't be, he's having a good day."

The store's phone rang and Giles answered it.  "Mag... Willow, yes, a slayer dream.  She saw Lothos.  We're looking it up now, Willow.  It might be a good idea.  By tonight."  He hung up and came back to look over the prophecy then went to find more resources, handing one to Xander.  "Don't get dressing on it please.  That one's actually for sale.  It's worth a lot less used."

Xander handed John Dean and his food, going to wash his hands and find the special gloves.  Giles smiled at him for that kindness.  "I remember the yelling from the last time I got something on a book."  He sat down to read it over, shaking his head.  "No, this is a nightmare demon, Giles.  Just a higher one."  Buffy looked and grimaced, shaking her head.  "No?"

"No, not right."  He closed it and put it back then put the gloves back into the bag they were stored in, coming back to help.  They weeded down all the nightmare sources in the store, leaving them with the prophecy.  Buffy finally looked around then called Anya. "It's me.  Have you heard anything about nightmare and a new apocalypse?"  She nodded at what she heard.  "No, we don't have anything on them.  Thanks."  She hung up.  "Fricasee demons?"

"Fricanses?" Giles suggested.  She nodded and smiled.  "You ruled them out earlier.  That was the book Xander had."

"Shoot."  She pouted as Sam and Willow came in.  "We have a prophecy, a slayer dream, and no sources."

Sam and Willow sat down with their laptops to look it up.   "What are we looking for?"

"Nightmare demons we don't have sources on or things that can bring back nightmare or slayer dreams," Xander said, handing her the prophecy.  "We've eliminated everything in here so far."

Sam nodded, typing into a site he liked to research on, finding what he needed fairly easily.  "That leaves another twelve."  Buffy came over to read over his shoulder, selecting a few that looked right to her.  He let her read more in-depth with them.  Tara came over to help later on, bringing dinner that Xander had called in the order for.  Buffy finally narrowed it down to two.

Willow looked one up while Sam got the other one.  "I think his is more likely.  This one's been assumed dead for over two hundred years.  Anya?"  She came out of the stock area to look.  "Fact or fiction?"

She read over her shoulder.  "Fact.  He died of old age about two hundred and thirty years ago.  There was someone who tried to take over his reputation but he died fairly quickly when he told that lie to the wrong demon."  She went back to her counting pretty gold things.

Sam brought in his laptop, letting her see it.  "Likely?"

She looked then nodded.  "Here?  Yeah."

"Thanks, Anya."

"Can I have Xander back as a reward?  Even for one night?  Apocalypse sex is always good."

"No."  He gave her a look.  "I don't share."

"You could put me between you."

"That would still be sharing."  He walked back out, handing it to Buffy.  She read and nodded, pointing at it.  "Anya said it's likely to happen."

Xander took it to look over.  "How do we kill it or drive it off?"  He found that section.  "No killing but we can drive it off and knock it back into a nap," he said.  He let Willow have it since it was a spell.  He looked at Dean then at Sam.  "The day before, you're taking the sprout and heading off to Disney or something."

"Xander...."

"Ask me if I give a shit, Sam," he said bluntly.  "We handle these things about twice a year.   We're very experienced in the end-of-the-world stuff and we don't want the baby around.  These sort of nightmares can only hurt him."

"He can go with Dad.  I can stay and help.  We've covered most of mine."

Xander stood up and drug him outside, looking at him.  "The other night you were having one about Jess," he said quietly.  "Burning with her."  Sam groaned, nodding that he remembered.  "You can still be hurt by them.  Dean can be killed by his.  You and your daddy are taking Dean and heading.  End of discussion.  He'll need at least one of his legal parents there in case something happens and you're going to need to have him guarded since you've been here and Giles and Spike both said the energy here can draw demons if you carry any of it off the hellmouth.  You've been here long enough to get infected with the energy and so has he."

"Did one happen before I got here?" he asked, staring at Xander.

"I was about three months along the last time."

"You risked yourself that way!" he shouted.

"I wasn't in any danger.  Buffy was in a lot of danger.  I planned, I shot long-distance weapons, I made fun of the Watchers who showed up."  He stepped closer.  "That's a second very good reason to have two fighters guarding him, Sam.  They'll want to look him over too.  They'd do anything to hurt us because Buffy's not their slave and I warped the old order."

"Are they back?"

"Why do you think the agent just happened to show up?  Even if there was an open investigation on you guys, it was probably focused on Dean since he was more visible and you're a bit too nice and sweet to do whatever it was suspected of being done."

"We were both being looked at," he admitted.

"Yeah, but I'm guessing they started with him?"  Sam nodded. "So they didn't just happen to come here after five months of you running around the country and then another six months here.  The people here never would've said anything."

"Point," he said, considering it.  "Can they do that?"

"Yeah; I've got to tell Willow that they're back."  Sam pulled him closer to kiss.  "So you and the sprout are heading, Sam.  I'm not going to lose him and most of my nightmares are from here and patrol anyway.  I'm not suddenly going to conjure a flame demon or something."

"Good point," he said quietly.  He looked at him.  "You could come with me, let Dad help her."

"She doesn't trust him yet, Sam.  Maybe in a few years.  Right now she needs me to plan for her."

"Dad was a Marine."

"And I'm the local tactician."

"Good point."  They walked back inside.  "Willow, is it possible that the Fed was sent by the Watchers Council?"  Giles stiffened and stared at him.  "Xander's heard rumors of a bounty on his head for warping Buffy."

"Um, there is?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, but it's not a huge one," Willow admitted.

"It got upped again but it's still only twelve grand," Xander told her, flopping down.  "John, the day before the badness starts or at the first hint we have, you and Sam are taking Dean to do something fun.  His nightmares could get him or Dean killed.  I want them both safe and that is *your* job.  Am I clear?" he said, looking at him.

"You could go, I can stay," he offered.

"Xander's my planner," Buffy told him, looking at Xander.  "Are you sure?"

"Yeah.  I'm sure.  Hit disney or something, guys.  Universal Studios to do the monster tour since that'll be... Halloween?" he asked.

Willow nodded.  "Looks like it."  She grinned at John.  "Universal Studios puts on a *great* halloween show every year and there's a huge coven Samhain circle up by San Fran.  Go to that for us?  Tara's going to that one."

"I can help," Tara said quietly.

Xander stared at her.  "Tara, it's calling up nightmares.  Buffy's is going to bring back a very old, very powerful master vampire. One who ate her first watcher and made her burn down a school gym.  Mine's going to bring up hunting stuff and possibly my family.  Willow's is going to be just as bad as mine probably.  You're going to the coven thing. You had planned on meeting Melinda there anyway.  She'll help the guys and you can protect Dean for me.  That's more important."

"But..." she started.

"Tara, the demon that killed their mom set fire to the house," Xander told her calmly.  "We can fight a master vamp, we don't have time to research that one to kill it too."  She nodded, stiffening up.  "Therefore, you're going with them.  Hit Universal Studios, have some fun.  Go to the coven picnic and circle that night.  It'll be good for Dean to know some good witches and you too.  Understood?"  She nodded.  He looked at John, who shifted but nodded.  "Good.  Buffy, pick a location.  We can draw Lothos to you and kill him.  You're better than you were then," he said when she opened her mouth.  "You can kill him easier this time.  It's been years of training."

"Good point," she said, smiling at his confidence.  "Plus I'll have you and Willow."  Willow nodded.  "Where should we pick, Giles?"

"Will the demon want the hellmouth, Samuel?"

"No, it's a sideline to the vengeance demons."   He read it over.  "Anywhere should be good."

"Then we'll pick a good spot and draw them," Buffy agreed.  "Should we maybe warn Angel?"

"I'm not sure if it could make him Angelus or not," Giles admitted.  "Or if it might manifest an illusion of him."

Xander smirked at Buffy.  "Wanna press your luck?"  She gave him a look.  "Take it in the happy place, Buffy."

She snickered.  "The park?"

"The small grove.  It's consecrated ground for Willow.  It's easily defended."  Willow nodded at that.  "We can clear the vamps out with a word to Willie.  They don't want their nightmares exposed either.   Warn Angel just in case but we'll make a stand there.  We can even swing while we wait."

She nodded.  "The positive kid energy will help," Willow agreed.  "I can get started on the potion tonight since we only have about two weeks."  She got up to get things and took Tara to help her since Tara had a more precise hand than she did.  "Sam, I need that in hardcopy."

"Sure," he agreed, plugging into Giles' printer so he could print it off for her.  He got a proprietary information warning instead.  He did something else and smiled when that worked better.  The spell cut off but he copied it by hand.  She nodded her thanks.  "I'll check the spell with a few other sources.  Give me about an hour?"  She smiled and nodded.   "Thanks."  He went back to check the spell, finding it mentioned a few other places.  One of them was a site he hadn't worked with before but it had the same information with a bit more.  "It needs to go back to sleep.  If we can make it nap we can trap it and entomb it."  He printed that one off too.

Xander looked then nodded.  "There's a crypt nearby.  We can clear it and seal it in there until it wakes up cranky again.  Etch a warning on it or something."  Giles nodded that was doable.  "Giles, no word from Ethan recently?  It's about time for him to strike too."

"He's in England bothering the main Council."

"Charming.  Hey, Willow, check to see if the bounty went up again?  Ethan's bothering the main Council."

She looked.  "Its up to fifteen grand now, five paid by E. Rayne for the medium's living body.  Working mind not needed."

"I'll deal with him later," Giles muttered.  "Thank you, Willow."

"Welcome."

John looked at Xander.  "What did you do to piss them off?"

Buffy snickered.  "It's supposed to be one watcher/one slayer until the girl dies, John.  Xander jumped in and brought Willow.  Xander's also a medium because he draws bad things to him and some of them try to possess him.  Some of the others try to sleep with him."  Xander stuck his tongue out at her.  "It screwed with the way the Council wanted things to go.  He brought me back to life, creating a two-slayer situation.  He helped me stand up to them each and every time they've shown up.  He's my normal guy support even when I don't appreciate him that moment and only want donuts."

"He helped you get Oz free of the Initiative and then helped you remove their threat," Giles said.  Xander nodded at that.  "He housed Spike for us for a while."  He smirked at John.  "They can see Willow.  They've had witches helping in the past.  They've had slayers that have fallen in love with the vampires they were hunting in the past, though they usually died by their lover's hand.  Buffy would not be half as effective without her support system: Willow, Joyce, and Xander."

"And no way they're going to mess with Willow," Xander said with a mean smirk.  "She's too powerful and she'll turn them all into furry things.  She did the last time they showed up and then mailed them back properly."

"No gift wrapping?" Sam asked quietly.

Xander snickered. "No, she learned her lesson when she tried to give me some of her fish for my birthday.  She even hacked the money for the transport from the Council."

"So," John said, thinking about it, "they really hate you both but they're scared of her and what she can do.  You're a normal guy so they've decided you're fair game?" he said.  "They're bullies."

"In many ways," Buffy said dryly.  Xander nodded to show he agreed.  "Then again, I told them to do the pole/butt dance a few times and kept Giles even when they fired him for giving a damn."

"Can we talk to them?" Sam asked.

"They're by that big rock thingy in England, Stone Hinges or whatever," Buffy said with a flick of her hand.  "I don't care if they do blow up."

"I might miss some of them but not for a very long time," Giles added.

"You know, this is the hellmouth," Xander said firmly.  "Wishing others ill here often has strange side effects.  Or wish demons."

"Oops," Buffy said.  She smiled at Sam.  "If you decide to go over there, don't bring the baby.  They'll be mean and won't coo at his cuteness like we do.  He'll have to pout.  Then he'd learn to destroy things and people way too early."

"Sure, we can do that," Sam promised.  He looked at Dean.  "Universal Studios then taking Tara to the coven thing?"

Dean shrugged.  "I guess."

"Good."  Xander clapped his hands.  "Then we should all get our rest because I'm sure we're not going to be sleeping for a bit."  They nodded, breaking up everything to go have some fun.  Buffy went to the Bronze.  Tara and Willow went to do witchly thing or snuggle.  Sam finished his research for Willow then walked them home.  Xander smiled at him.  "Do you feel better now?"

"No.  I'd rather you came with us or I sent Dad and Willow."

"We need the witch, he doesn't have the authority to treat him if he gets sick, Sam, plus a really good reason is I don't want you guys here to get hurt."

"Tough, we're hunters, we're used to it," John said from behind them.  "I'm sure you've gotten hurt in the past, kid."

"I've nearly died a number of times.  Doesn't mean I want that for my boyfriend and my son.  Normal hunts are good.  Sunnydale apocalypses are strange and often twist in the center.  We had to learn that the hard way.  I don't want to end up having him die and Dean losing him."  He turned back around, finding a vampire in front of them.  "Angel.  Here about the nightmare thingy?"

"No.  You.  You do know that there's demons who think you profaned the gift you were given?"

"Is this because that one demon cried when he saw us making out?" Xander asked.

Angel nodded. "Yup.  One of them came to cry on Wes."

"If I want to play with him and he doesn't mind, it's none of their business," Sam told him simply.  "Besides, is it going to be worse than the Council wanting him, whoever that Ethan guy is wanting him, or the next apocalypse?"

"There's one coming?" he asked Xander.  "Stupid question, there's always one coming."

"Nightmare demon that's related to Anya's people are going to be bringing back nightmares.  They're going to Universal Studios and then a coven thing with Tara."

"Good.  That'll keep the baby out of harm's way."  He shook his head.  "The Council?"

"For my stunning warping abilities," Xander said dryly, giving him a look.  "The bounty's still pretty small.  Only fifteen grand."

Angel moaned, shaking his head.  "Can't we make them forget you?"

"Sure, you find a handy wish demon to do that and at the same time I'd like a few mil to outfit my baby in bling, Angel."

Angel walked off shaking his head, rubbing his forehead a bit.  "Buffy is where?"

"Bronze.  Having fun.  It'll be like tenth grade all over again," he called after him.

Sam looked at him.  "Tenth grade?"

"He used to come up to Buffy to say cryptic stuff so she'd get hot and bothered."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "That's kinda...."

"Pathetic," John said.  "He's how old?"

"Few centuries.  He's got a soul, she's his true love, he loses his soul with the happies.  Not a fun story, one Buffy might tell you but I'm not sharing."  He took his son back.  "Come on, let Daddy stake the two demons who're following us home like stray kitties."  Sam and John both attacked the demons, making Dean cheer.  He grinned.  "Some year soon, Dean.  Give it a while longer, little guy.  Then you can be the macho super stud hunter like Sam is."  He kissed him on the head.  "Then we'll see what happens."

"You can come," he said quietly.

Xander gave him a sad smile.  "I'd never keep you and Sam from having your own life.  I can't make anyone hurt that way.  Life's too precious for that.  We'll work that out when it's time."  Dean shook his head.  "No?"

He leaned closer.  "No one hurts Sammy but me," he told him.

Xander grinned.  "You sound like my dark side, kiddo.  I love you for that much alone."  He gave him a hug.  "I'm never going to do it on purpose. That's why I won't stop him from having his own life back."  He patted him on the back.  "C'mon, I'm starved and I know you are.  We'll go make dinner unless we can talk Sam into it."

"Sure," Dean agreed.  They walked back to the house once John was finished with his demon.  He looked at him. "Eww, Dad."

"Sorry, son.  It was nasty."  He looked at himself.  "Can I borrow the shower?"

"Yup," Sam told him.  "The goo remover is the blue box of stuff."

"Only works on slime.  It'll turn acidic if you use it on that stuff," Xander called back.  "Use the red box of stuff since that's blood."

"Okay, use the red box of stuff," Sam said, cracking his father up.  He kept him back until they were out of hearing range.  "Is it me or is Xander preparing for me to leave him?"

"It's not just you.  They were just talking about how he'd let you go back to having your own life because life was too precious to lose."

"But I want him."

John gave him a look.  "You sure he feels the same way?"

"Yes, Dad," he said impatiently.  "This has been an ongoing problem.  He had himself convinced I was going to take Dean and leave after he was born.  The fight right after he was born was the same stuff, how he was *Dean* and wouldn't have many things he could learn from either of us.  This is the newest one.  It's been there all along.  I'm going to rip his parents to shreds for doing that to him."

John smiled.  "A Winchester in love is a scary thing, Sam.  Remember not to let the cops hear you say that in case they end up dead."

Sam smiled at him.  "You got this way over Mom?"

"I only had to get stubborn over your mother, Sammy.  Her parents didn't like me that much.  Considered me beneath their hardwood floors."

"I don't remember them."

"That's because they tried to have you taken away the same day as the funeral and I got a restraining order," John said dryly.  "My parents were the ones who got scary over each other.  Dad told some fantastic stories about having to get scary and pushy so he could have my mom.  Do they know?"

"I met his uncle while we were out right after the birth."

"Hmm.  They might know.  We'll have to see what happens."  They walked after the mother and son, watching their Dean giggle madly at something Xander was telling him.  Sam had to turn to stake a vampire but that was fine with him.  He was good at it.  "You know, Dean might be content to settle down and pick an area to protect," he said calmly.

"You think he would?"

"I think it'd still let him travel now and then but it might be the best idea yet," he admitted.  He held open the door to let him go up the stairs first, making sure it was closed behind him.  "They don't lock this?"

"The owner's our former boss at the construction site.  He was vamped last month."   He walked in and sniffed.  "Hmm, what's cooking and where's the cat?"

"Cat's on our bed, I checked that first," Xander said.  "Cooking, I'm not really sure.  I didn't want to check, just in case."

Sam looked then at him.  "Dru's back."  He called Buffy.  "Dru's back."  She screamed something.  "Yeah, I'm sure.  Who else would break into our place and put a whole turkey in the oven, Buffy?  Yup, a whole one, with stuffing inside even.  Looks like some blood in the pan but I'm not sure yet.  Nearly done too.  Maybe she came up with Angel since we ran into him on the way home.  We told him you were at the Bronze."  He grinned.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "We'll check to make sure it's not infected, tainted, or blood ridden," he told Xander, who nodded.  "If not, should we try it?"

"As long as we don't get sick.  I don't want to end up in the ER tonight."  He gave Dean his antibiotics, getting a pout.  "Tough."  He checked his stitches, they looked healed.  "Hey, wonder healing!" he said happily.  "Sam, get me stuff to pull these?"  Sam got him some thin scissors and a pair of tweezers, letting him pull the stitches their son had.

"No more antibiotics?"

"Fat chance.  You never know what you'll pick up on patrol, or that we could've brought home, Dean."  He patted him on the head.  "Go get a story."  Dean ran over to John for a story so he went to help Sam check the turkey.  It was done, the pop up thing had come up.  It was pretty and golden brown.  It smelled good.  Xander called Spike over, letting him sniff it from the doorway.  "Blood?"

"A bit from the drippings.  Her special stuffing recipe is usually good."

"Anything we should worry about with the baby?" Sam asked over Xander's shoulder.

"Shouldn't be unless he hates onions.  She uses a lot."

"No, he likes onions.  Want some?"

Spike snickered.  "Got one waiting on me.  Mine's even got blood pudding with it."  Xander put down the turkey and went to check, bringing the pudding from the fridge.  Spike took that and walked off happier.

"Thanks, Spike.  Tell her no more breaking in please?" Xander called after him.  He shut the door.  "Didn't we fix the weak spot in the wards on the balcony?"

"Yeah, we had Tara and Willow redo them all and put extra there."  They went to find out how she got in this time, not finding any easy answers.

"She must really like you guys," John said dryly.

"She calls Xander her dark kitten, me her little lion cub, and him her future kitten," Sam told him.  "Why can't we stake her again?" he asked Xander, taking the carving knives.

"Because Angel will go spastic and we'd have to kill him too.  Then the Powers will jump down my ass to make me miserable before we die in a fiery and flashy way that makes national news and leaves Dean either dead too or an orphan."

"Oh, yeah," he sighed.  "I hate them."  He carved into it, putting a good sized piece aside.  Xander gave him an odd look.  "Joyce's."

"Sure."  He shrugged.  He could treat Joyce.  He loved her like a mom.  "John, did you talk to Joyce yet?"

"She ripped me a new one while he was in the hospital.  That's one strong woman."

Xander grinned.  "She raised Buffy.  Of course she is."  He brought out plates, looking at them.  "Clean up."  They went to clean up and came out.  Dean mumbled Tara's blessing over the food, watching his plate glow.  Xander looked at it then at him.  Then at Sam.  Sam mumbled his own.  His glowed.  "Potion?"

Sam tasted a small bite then kissed Xander, nearly knocking him out of his seat.  "I love you."

"Potion," John said, getting Dean normal food, putting the plates into the fridge with the rest of the turkey.  Dean was snickering.  "Guys, I doubt the baby or I need to see that," he said dryly.  Sam drug Xander upstairs to tease and play with his lover.  He shook his head.  "I was never that insane for your mom, Dean.  Your brother has it bad."

"They're cute.  I'll have ammunition for years."

John went to look at the stuffing, then snickered.  "I think she wanted you two to have another kid," he called.  "It's oyster and onion stuffing."

"That's okay.  We're waiting until Dean's his proper age," Sam called back.

"That's mean.  I want a sister to nag and pick on," Dean said, coming halfway up the stairs.  "How else am I going to be a great big brother again?  If I pick on Sammy he'll talk about changing my diapers to the girls I'm hitting on."  He went back down to his room.  "We need to switch out the crib."

"Buffy said this weekend," he reminded him.

"I know."  He took his sandwich to the couch.  "She wouldn't have hit me."

"No, she probably wouldn't have," he agreed. "I wonder why it's so strong."

"Xander," Sam moaned.  "Recovery time?"

"Is unnecessary at our age," Xander assured him.

John walked up and closed their bedroom door then came back down to eat his sandwich and watch tv with his son.  "Are you creeped out by this?" he asked quietly.

"A bit but I know he did it because he loved me and would've died without having me around to pick on him."  He ate a bite, looking at his father.  "I'm mad at Annabelle for not telling me she had a plan and dying while we were having sex."

"She had to, son.  I looked at the rite and it said it had to be a self-sacrifice.  She had to start it off and Sammy had to finish it.  Without telling you."

"I didn't know a thing about it until he walked me to the altar in the woods and had me strip naked.  I caught some of the Latin he was chanting over the dagger but before I could argue with him I was gone.  I did realize where I was for a second, I think."

John smiled.  "You can get him back for that."

"Oh, I have plans," Dean assured him smugly.  "I've already peed on him."

"That's a good start, son.  Did Xander yell at him?"

"You know, I don't remember too much until the growth charm kicked in.  I remember being held and rocked.  I remember they had a huge fight because Xander wasn't home for four days."  He finished his dinner and leaned against his side.  "I know Xander's pretty worried that he has nothing he can teach me but he's been great to me. That's why I want him to have another one.  That way Sammy can have his normal life and I can be a great uncle, or big brother.  Something like that."  He looked at him.  "I'm told I used to fuss unless I had my sort of music and the girls weren't cooing at me inside him."

"Sam said anything mushy around you got Xander kicked.  He's not a bad mother.  A bit bouncy and hyper.  Still could use the training you're getting.  Are you doing okay?"

"What Buffy's teaching me is good for me," Dean said.  "It's helping my balance issues and stuff."

"Good."  He stroked over his hair.  "Have you seen his parents hanging around?"

"Twice."

"Told them?"

"Redirected Sammy.  They were watching him and me in the park a few times.  I think he caught them once."

"We really should sit down and start to talk about the secrets we're hiding from each other," John decided.  Dean looked at him.  "Xander's got another threat he's not telling Sammy from those doctors."

"Can't we take some of them out?  The demons maybe?"

John shrugged.  "I'm not sure that's the best thing.  That can start a vendetta war and they'd never have peace or be able to keep you safe."

Dean pouted. "Maybe."  He changed the channel to the racing network, smiling at the show on engines.  "Better."

"Doctor Who marathon starts in an hour," Xander called.  "Don't get that comfy."

"Yes, Mom," Dean called.  He rolled his eyes.  "Geek."  John laughed.  "He had a point.  I could learn to appreciate their geek sides.  Think Willow and Tara are staying together?"

"I think Willow might need her as a leash," he admitted.  "She's pulling some impressive skills that would usually get a guardian in her face.  Tara isn't."

"Tara nagged her a few times.  She was using magic to change her clothes the other day before class."

John looked at him.  "That's overboard."

"Yeah, but Tara's worried."  He looked up at the bedroom.  "Family meeting," he called.  Sam groaned.  "After that.  Please.  I don't need to see it."  They came down dressed in sweats a few minutes later.  "Tara's been fussing at Willow over her magic."

"I've fussed at her, Giles has fussed at her," Xander agreed, changing the channel to SciFi.  He sat on the other end of the couch, pulling his son over.  "Tara only has to ask to get help with an intervention, Dean.  If she pulls something too bad, Giles might ask Ethan to come see her to talk up Janus."

"You guys know someone who does that sort of chaos magic?" John asked, looking worried.

"Halloween.  Band candy," Xander said dryly.  "Yeah, we know him."

"Why does he like bothering you guys so much?" Sam asked, snuggling in on Dean's other side.  "Hey, the new one and Torchwood eps.  Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome."  He grinned. "It's my version of geek."  Dean poked him.  "Ethan was part of Giles' rebellion against the Council's ways that his father told him he was going to follow.   Ethan went too far so Giles walked away to go back to stuffier British things instead.   I still don't like that Giles gave him to the Initiative the last time he showed up."  Sam gave him a horrified look.  "We knew by then what they were doing. That's why I slipped him a message before we went in for that last assault, so he could get himself free.  No one deserves that, even my worst enemy.  Even Spike and he was annoying and a pain in our ass long before they got him.  I wouldn't let anyone stay there.  That's why I let the other demons loose when we were done."

"Half of them were harmless sorts anyway," Dean said.  Sam looked at him.  "I asked and Tara explained it to me."

Xander nodded.  "They didn't care what you were as long as you were born funny," Xander agreed.  "They took Oz even though he had control of his werewolf and only lost it when he found out Willow had lied to him.  They didn't care if they were kids, harmless, harmful, human most of the time.  Then again, most werewolf hunters don't care that they're human most of the time from the ones we've seen."  He shrugged.  "It seems to be a common problem."

"I didn't know there were harmless demons like those," John said.

"Sam said the same thing," Xander assured him.  "Sam, popcorn?"  Sam grinned, going to make some.  He looked at Dean.  "Why did you ask her?"

"You'd sugarcoat it."

Xander considered it.  "I'd prefer to wait until the higher brain functions came back for the more gory details," he admitted finally.  Dean nodded.  "About the same time you're ready to start hunting we'll give you those things if you still want to know."

"I can agree to that," John said.  Dean looked at him.  "Seven was too young.  Even Pastor Jim thumped my ass over that one, Dean."

"It was necessary.  It was attacking Sammy."  He looked at Xander.  "He draws demons like you do."

Xander grinned.  "Then it's a good thing we block each other's summoning waves, huh?"

"Very."  He settled in to watch this, frowning.  "Huh?  Phone booth?"

"The phone booth is called a Tardis.  Inside it's infinitely large."  He looked at Dean.  "The doctor is a time lord who goes back and forth through time to fix mistakes and things."  Dean gave him a look.  "It's funny and odd and has some action.  You'll like it."  He took his bag of popcorn when Sam came back, sharing it with his son.  Dean still watched it, he'd give it a try.  If only so he could understand his little brother when he went geek the next time.

Sam snickered at a few things, leaning his head on Xander's shoulder to get comfortable.  "The old series was less detailed and less open about things," he told Dean quietly.  "I heard Torchwood even has gay characters."

"Hmm," Xander agreed since his mouth was full.

Dean shook his head.  "I still like girls."

"Good.  Pick nice ones," Sam told him.  "Learn how from Buffy and Tara."

Dean smirked.  "I can do that."

"Then it'll make you a better boyfriend someday."  He patted his hair.  "Need another haircut."

"When the sun comes out tomorrow," Xander said.

Sam popped him lightly on the top of the head.  "No channeling Annie."

"Dean, poke him for abusing me?"

Dean moved to tickle Sam, making him wiggle and shriek.  "No abusing the Mommy."  He smirked at him.  "I'm so going to pay you back.  Xander, do you know what Sam used to go as on Halloween?"

"Me?" he asked with a grin.

Dean snickered.  "That would've been cute.  No, he went as a sheet ghost one year."

"Pissed me off to no end," John agreed.  "I hate that holiday.  Why is Tara going to the coven thing?"

"Because she's a witch and they do those things?" Xander suggested.  "There's a good reason behind the holiday, and the Day of the Dead stuff that other places do, John.  Some people use it for their own ends and some don't."

He shook his head.  "If you say so."

"I went down for the local Day of the Dead celebration at Stanford my freshman year," Sam admitted, climbing back onto the couch with Dean in his lap.  "A lot of the families used it to get over the grief of losing someone.  They take propitiating their relatives very seriously."

Xander poked him on the arm.  "I hate it when Willow and you talk over my head."

"They use it to soothe the ghosts and to make them pass on, let them know everything's all right," Sam told him with a small grin.  "They have a lot less hauntings too."

"Interesting.  I didn't think there was a reason for that celebration," John admitted.

"The Pagan holiday is the same way," Xander told him, looking over.  "Celebrating with those who have passed on but come back for the night because the barrier is thinnest.  That's why there's a rite, a meal, all that stuff."  Sam gave him a look.  "Willow explained it to me back in high school."

"We should trick or treat this year," Dean decided.

"We'll be having an apocalypse and even though it's supposed to be a night of rest for the slayer we never get it off; we have double patrols starting on trick-or-treat night until the night afterward."

"Shoot," Dean said.  "No candy?"

"We can buy you candy," Sam promised.  "Apparently we'll be up by San Francisco for it."

"Yup," Xander agreed happily.  "So I don't have to worry."  Dean poked him.  He looked at him.  "We're having our next apocalypse, Dean.  I don't want you to be affected, I don't want Sam's nightmares to come out and hurt either of you, and with the Council's threat it's better if the three of you head off and take Tara with you."

"Are they being dumb, like the doctors?"

"Doctors?" Sam asked, looking at Xander.

"The one I made cry didn't like me," Xander said, looking at Dean.  Dean smirked back.  "She didn't."

"Uh-huh," Sam said.  "Is this going to be worse than your parents showing up, the demons Angel warned us about, or the apocalypse?"

"They want to do an autopsy to see how he did it," John told him.

"Charming.  Can't we just bomb the town?"

"Don't tempt me," Xander said quietly.  Dean gaped.  He looked at him.  "Yes, I do believe in practicalities.  Sometimes they create really pretty explosions."

"You're teaching me that, right?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, I'll even teach you do it with dynamite and a cigarillo like Clint did."  He winked at him.  "Now, watch the show.  Learn stuff.  This is how I learned a lot of history."

"It's not really accurate, Xander," Sam said quietly.

"That's probably why I flunked but this is more amusing than wars, massacres, cheating and lying on treaties, and the backstabbing politics we have as US history."

"Good point," Sam decided.

John shook his head.  His son-in-law was very...unique sometimes.  Though he'd help him blow up the town if it got all of them out of there alive.  He didn't want vampire sons.

***

Sam walked into the Magic Box the next morning and smiled.  "Spike, Dru's turkey had some sort of potion in it.  She really wants Xander to have another kid."  He looked at Buffy, who was giving him a horrified look.  "It was good turkey though."

"It was in the stuffing," Spike said from the basement doorway.  "She said so later.  Figured it was too late."

"It was good sex.  We'd still need eggs to let him get pregnant and magic to get the eggs past the barrier."  He shrugged and headed back to the construction site now that his break was over with.  One of the guys gave him an odd look.  "What?  I'm not allowed to be happy?"

"Have a fun night?" he taunted.

"Great sex then a Doctor Who marathon with Torchwood eps in-between.  It was pretty great actually," he said with a grin.  He went back to his spot to get back to work.  "Warned Buffy, Spike said it was in the stuffing so we can eat the rest later as long as we don't eat where it touched the stuffing," he told Xander when he walked past him.

"Sure, I'm all for that," Xander agreed.

"Can't you two be less gay at work?" that same guy complained.

"No."  Xander looked at him.  "Deal with it and move on, Joe.  I don't care what your opinion is."

"I think you're a fucking disgrace to men," he said, sneering at him.

Xander took off his toolbelt.  "Come on."

"What, walking off?  Too sissy to fight?"

"The boss didn't want fights on the work site, Joe.  You want me, you take it off property with me.  This is your only shot so I'd take it now if you're not scared."  He got off the grounds and looked at him.  "Well?  I'm waiting.  You wanna try it because you think gay men are punching bags or toys, you come try me now.  This is your only chance and if you don't, I don't wanna hear another word out of your mouth."

"You're not crew lead now," he sneered.  "Too bad your kid will grow up like you."

"Actually, Dean has a fine appreciation for the female form.  You want it, come get it," Xander said, waving him on.  "Do it now or shut the fuck up."

Joe sneered, dropping his tool belt.  "You're not that good."

"Forgot how I beat your cousin for trying to ticket my car?" he shot back.  Joe growled and tried to hit him.  Xander got in a few blows then knocked him down.  He squatted down next to him, staring at him.  "You done yet?  Because we're wasting work hours and I really do need my paycheck to pay the rent, even if you don't.  Should I have to deal with this issue again, I'll go to the boss and file paperwork to have your ass fired for trying to start shit.  It's in the contract you signed when you got hired."  He stood up.  "Any other comments?"  He paused.  Nothing was said.  "Good, then get back to work, Joe.  The house isn't building itself."  He walked back on-site, taking his toolbelt back. "Sorry," he told the guy in charge, their boss's son.  "He started it.  I took it off the site."

"I'm appreciative of that, Harris.  You okay?"

"He didn't lay a hand on me after trying that one punch," he said dryly.

"I saw that too."  He looked at him.  "Where is my father?"

"Hiding so the town's problems don't suck him in," he said quietly.  "Why?"

"I figured you'd know since he admitted he got a ride out of town with Winchester and we all know you're together raising your kid."

"The local nightlife got him," Xander told him.  His son groaned.  "So he took the sensible path.  He moved away from the temptation to do stupid stuff or to hunt, where we'd have to cross paths with him."

"I guess that's reasonable.  That's why he cut your rent?"

"For us helping him leave," Sam said as he came over. "Is Xander in trouble?"

"No.  Joe is for starting that.  I told him two weeks ago to lay off the anti-gay stuff.  Joe, my office.  Now."  He looked at them.  "How long was it for?"

"He wrote it out," Sam said.  "We only asked for a few months so we can afford the baby's food.  With the way he's growing he eats like a horse."

The son nodded.  "Most kids do.  Mine does."

"Dean's doing a year a month," Xander said quietly.

"Then you guys are probably buying out the Sam's club," he decided.  "That's fine.  Anything else I should know about?"

"Halloween this year is going to be bad and probably bloody," Xander warned.  "You might want to set a guard.  Sam's going to be out of town protecting the son."

"I saw the leave papers.  Sure.  Not like I don't know what you two do.  The same as Dad did."

"You know, he's the one who told me I was pregnant," Xander said dryly.

"Doesn't really surprise me.  You should have another, normal one."

"Maybe some year," Xander said.

"Dean wants a little sister to torment," Sam said with an evil smirk.  The boss walked off laughing.  "I could use some help with the cabinets."

"Sure, I'm good with helping heft."  He followed him inside, nodding at a few of the older guys who gave him wary looks.  "I don't care what you think about me and Sam being together.  As long as you don't get pushy I could care less.  He got pushy.  I pushed back."

"You knocked up again?" one guy asked.

"The son wants but no, not at the moment," Xander quipped with a grin.  "As soon as I am, you guys will hear second."  They smiled and nodded.  Sam gave him a look.  "I'm sure Buffy and you will hear me screaming first, like the last time."

"You really broke Joyce's door?" Sam asked.

"Four times before you showed up, including the day I found out.  I went over to get Buffy to help me kill some witches."

"Thank you for calming that down a little bit before I got here, Xander."  He grinned and shifted so Xander could hold the cabinet while he screwed it in.

***

John drove outside Sunnydale city limits then parked and shifted around until he was stretched out across his truck's seat while he called his friend.  "My son is insanely in love and so cute he's gagging Dean," he said in greeting.  "Yeah, that one.  I'm coming to appreciate Xander's mind.  Still want to take the boy and train him but I'm starting to appreciate him.  He drives Sam insane trying to protect him.  Sam does it back to him.  They're both rabid over Dean.  Did I tell you yet that the boy nearly shot me when I challenged him having custody?"  Bobby laughed.  "In the judge's chambers.  We brawled, he got my head with the table, then he stood over me with the gun cocked.  He hesitated, so I'm happy, but damn he's a strong soul."  Bobby said something and he smiled.  "They're going to San Francisco for the holiday.  We're all going since we're coming on an apocalypse and Xander wanted Dean evacuated for it.  Universal Studios before then.  I don't know.  Do we need me out hunting?  He's nearly overrun.  It's a nightly war here."

Someone tapped on the window.  John rolled it down.  "Sir, are you in distress?" the officer asked.

"No, I'm on the phone and I know better than to talk and drive, Officer.  I'm bragging on my grandson."

"Oh, that's good.  Visiting?  I noticed the tags."

"I'm trying to figure that out now.  There any good places to get jobs?"

"There's the construction crew."

"I hadn't thought about that.  My son-in-law works there.  Thanks."  The officer nodded and headed off.  John rolled up the window and put the phone back to his ear.  "They're really nice around here."  He watched him drive off.  "Clueless but nice."  He smiled.  "Dean's fine.  His appendix nearly burst so the boy had to get mean with a doctor who thought it was gas pains.  No, he's under a few different death threats at the moment.  With the apocalypse he said we had to take Dean and Sam both out of town just in case.   We're good so far.  Not too many fights.  While we were waiting at the courthouse Sam realized that him standing between me and the kid was how Dean felt standing between me and him.  We worked it out a few minutes later.  Xander laid down the law, he had some good points, and I'm still training him.  Watching them train him and stepping in to help now and then," he told him.

"Buffy's working on some skills right now so he doesn't stumble as often from the rapid growth.  Xander's working on Latin and Spanish.  Sam's doing a lot of work with his training too.  Ten.  The local gun range won't let anyone below that out there.  We already checked.   He's been good to my boy so far.  He's scary when he's in protective mode over him.  Oh, get this.  There's an insane vampiress who wants the whole family to be turned.  Broke in last night to bake a turkey with a lust and fertility potion in the stuffing she baked inside it.  Honestly.  We came home from patrol and found it baking, Bobby."  Bobby snickered something.  "Sam tested a bite and pounced Xander.  Then Xander made us watch Doctor Who with him when they were done."  He laughed.  "Druscilla."  He sat up at the mention of what he knew on her.  "She is in our books?   I didn't think we kept anything on their kind.  Oh, you went looking.  That's fine.  Got anything on Angel?  He's a bit creepy but somehow a good guy even though he's a vampire."  He listened to him run down all of them.  Spike and Angel were horrifying.  "Any idea on the sire's location?"  He nodded.  "I'll ask then.  Yeah, Spike's still here.  He's helping Dean with a few moves too.  Still chipped.  He considers him a good distraction I guess."

He listened to more information.  "I'll be damned.  That's what the kid meant with 'he lost his soul when he got the happies'."  He smirked.  "I guess they did sometime.  He said that Buffy girl is the love of his life.  Do we have anything on the Initiative bastards?  I want to make sure they're fully gone.  The ones who chipped Spike.  Yeah, they were military.  Torturing, killing, mind control agents, all that.  In my military!  I should go kick some ass higher up.  No, they stopped it here and drove them off.  I want to make sure they're gone so they can't come for the boys again.  Thanks."  He grinned.  "Dean's been asking for a little sister."  Bobby laughed so hard he dropped the phone so he grinned and waited.  "He's promised to spoil her rotten too," he said when he said something again.

"I don't know.  Xander still thinks that Sam's going to take off with Dean to hunt again.  He's been telling him he has to wait for anything until Dean's his proper age.  Which is cautious of him and probably a good idea in case things change.  I really don't want to see the kid hurt but I know I raised Sam better than that.  I've suggested them picking an area to settle in and protect a few times.  Both boys.  I'll get Xander later.  Yeah, I could like the kid.  Even if is trying to psych himself up to losing Sam.  I'm here.  My phone's dying," he said at the beep.  "But I'm here and you can find me on Sam's phone too, Bobby.  Thanks for doing that digging for me.  I don't want to worry Sammy.  Later.  Be safe."  He hung up and turned back around, driving back into town.  "Giles," he said, walking into the store a few minutes later.  Giles looked up at him.  "I'm staying."

"The job base around here isn't perfect but there's usually openings.  I know where the local job service office is.  Or, actually."  He got today's paper and held it out.  "They were looking for someone to help with the morgue if you wanted to do that.  Perhaps salting and implanting tiny stakes before they're sent to the funeral home?"

"That's a bit creepy but it might be okay."  He sat down to read it over.  "Casket company?"  Giles nodded.  "How nice?"

"Xander's father works there," he warned.

"Dean said he's seen at least one of the boy's relatives watching him and Sammy in the park."

Giles stiffened, staring at him.  "Repeat that please?"  John nodded.  "He's sure?"

"He thinks so.  He thinks Sam saw one but he never told Xander."

"No it's best they not tell him.  He would go into a rage and go deal with them."  He considered it.  "Let me inform Willow.  She'll want to handle this."  He went to the office to do that.

John went back to the want ads.  There was plenty of physical labor jobs around if you wanted to do grunt work.  It didn't bother him and it'd be steady until Dean finished growing up.

***

John sat down across from Sam at lunch, handing him a bottle of juice.  "I can't find Tara."

He checked his watch.  "She's probably in science class so Willow should have him."

"No, Willow's at the shop."

"Buffy?"

"Haven't seen her yet but maybe."

Xander sat down next to Sam.  "Joyce has him.  Tara texted me."

"Oh good," John said.  He looked at Xander.  "I'm staying until he's normal."

"As long as it's not on the couch," Xander said dryly.

"I'll be starting work by the docks on the tenth.  Sooner if I get back sooner."

Xander shrugged.  "Hard labor."

"Very but it's good for me."

"If that's what you want."  John nodded.  "Okay.  They do check references."

"I had Bobby go over things.  You went there?"

"They fired my father for lying on his ap two years ago."

"Oh."  He leaned on the table.  "When I swung by the house, someone was there taking pictures."

"Social worker?" he asked, looking concerned.

"No.  Sleazier."

Xander pulled out his wallet, showing him the pictures.  "Anyone in there."

He pointed.  "I saw him in the car."

Xander nodded, looking up the table.  "Boss, my parents are trying something.  They were taking pictures of my house.  If you hear I've been arrested give me a few days to get out on bail please?"

The crew lead gave Xander a horrified look.  "I remember your father, Harris."

"So do I.  Pity."  He gave him a look.  "I should go talk to my Uncle Rory too."   He stood up.  "Boss?"

"Go.  Be pissed out there.  See what you can do to stop them."

"Oh, I plan on it."

Sam coughed.  "Dean's caught someone watching him in the park a few times but we could never associate them with anything," he admitted.  Xander gave him a look.  "That's why he makes you take him to the other park."

"Who?" he asked.

"He thought the lady looked like you," Sam said.

"That would be my mother.  I look a lot like her."  He put his wallet back into his pocket and finished his soda on his way to the car.  He calmly drove home, finding someone sitting across the street.  He got out and slammed the door, walking over there.  "You're watching my building why?" he asked.

"I'm here to give you this, Mr. Harris."  He handed over the paper.  "From your parents."

"My parents are scum sucking maggots.  They're paying you?  Has it bounced yet?"

"No, sir, others are paying me."  He drove off.  Xander shot out his tire, making him hop out to yell at him.  "Who the hell do you think you are!  I'm calling the cops!"

Xander pointed at the one up the street, who parked and got out.  He looked at the papers, then giggled and let the officer have it.  "He's been following my son around, taking pictures of the house.   He handed me that then drove off after telling me he's working for people other than my parents."

The cop looked at it then at him.  "Same judge too.  You're blessed."

"No, not yet."  He looked at the guy.  "Who's paying you?"

"A few groups who don't want gay people to raise kids," he sneered.  "We're very religious."

Xander took out a small vial and snapped it in front of him, watching him dance away from the vapors.  "If you were religious you wouldn't care about holy water."  He stepped closer.  "Who did she hire?"

"Find out yourself," he sneered.

"Oh, I plan on it."  He looked at the officer.  "Can you arrest him for following my son around?"

"I can bring him downtown on that."  Xander grinned.  "Where is he?"

"Joyce had him the last I knew.  Tara has science class."

"No, I've seen her."

"Hmm."  He nodded, walking off.  "Please take him before my temper comes out."  He got into his car, heading for his old place.  "Joyce, who has my son?" he asked when she answered the gallery's phone.  "I see.  Anyone we know?"  He nodded.  "Did we tell anyone?  That's good.  Thank you."  He hung up and called 911.  "This is Alexander Harris.  Someone broke into the Summers Art Gallery at gunpoint and stole my son."  He parked so he could look at the house.  "I do know who did it, Joyce Summers identified him to me as my Uncle, Rory Harris.  Whose car is at my parents' house.  Yes, that house, ma'am.  I'm there and either armed officers come get them and keep me from killing them or I'm going to get my son back myself.  Please.  I'm here and someone was just arrested by my apartment because he's been taking pictures of him and my building.  He admitted to stalking my son.  You might tell the officer about the kidnaping earlier.  No, Joyce was watching him while our sitter was in class.  Thank you, yes, I'm here."  He hung up and waited.  Ten minutes later two patrol cars pulled in.  He got out and walked over there.  "Joyce said she's all right?"

"She's got a black eye," one of them admitted.  "She didn't tell me it was your uncle, Harris."

Xander grinned.  "She wanted me to hear first."  He pointed at the house when his son screamed.  It was in frustration, not pain thankfully.  Or else the cops would've been stopping him by now.  "You have seconds before I make a mess."  They went over and knocked on the door, one of them kicking it in at the next scream.  Xander followed calmly, scooping up his son to look at him.  "You yelled?"

"Who are these people!"

Xander looked around. "Well, that one's the one who gave sperm to have me.  The one drinking in the kitchen is the one who gave birth to me.  Of course, Aunt Willow raised me."  He pointed.  "That's a Ganflenick demon.  They're stupid and usually just muscle.  The other two appear to be ministers."

"They were trying cast out spirits," Dean said dryly, giving him a look.  "I already had a bath today."

"Hmm."  Xander grinned.  "Don't you worry."  He handed the officer his son.  "Can I talk to them for a minute?"

"We can't let you hurt them, Harris.  You know that."

"Shoot.  Not even the strangers who helped kidnap the child I gave birth to?"

"Well...."  He looked at the guy stomping in.  "Sir," he said, snapping to attention.

"No, you can't hurt them, Harris."  He handed him the papers. "You forgot those."

"I don't want those.  Nowhere in there does it give them the right to kidnap my son at gunpoint."

"No, none of those are custody forms," he said, seeing the higher temper.  "Your kid all right?"

"One was trying to cast out demons," Dean sneered.  "I'm not happy."

Xander took him back.  "Let's be not happy together.  Oh, people, he'll be out of town on that date.  It's been planned ahead of time.  Sorry but we've been told there's going to be a violence upswing that week and I didn't want him exposed.   He'll be with his father, grandfather, and aunt until the eighth."  He looked at the officer.  "Put them in jail or I'm putting them away myself," he said quietly.  The higher officer nodded.  "Thank you."  He walked off, looking at Dean once he was outside. "Need a shower, the ER, or just a hug?"

"Hug's nice," Dean decided.  Xander clearly needed a hug to calm down and Sammy wasn't there.  He had been worried about him, like a real parent.  "It was better that Auntie Willow raised you."  He gave him a hug all the way back to the car.  Xander smiled before getting him into his booster seat and getting in to drive.  "Where are we heading?"

"The site.  Joyce said she wasn't telling anyone until after I got there."  He grinned back at him. "I wouldn't worry about it, son."  He started the car and drove off, heading back to work.  It was still lunch so he walked Dean over, sitting down after shoving the guy next to Sam.  He handed over the paperwork.  "My parents had a Ganflenick, two ministers, and whatever the guy who was  waiting and lurking to serve those with them was.  Someone's paying for the lawyer.  Uncle Rory walked into the gallery with a gun and hit Joyce to get him.  The cops said I can't put them under the ground so they're taking them away now."

"They were mean, stupid, and still drunk," Dean said.

"They're never not drunk," Xander said.  "I used to think they put it in their toothpaste in the morning."

"Eww."  Dean looked at Sam.  "They said Xander couldn't hit them.  I wanted to see him break bad."

John looked at the seething parents.  "Want me to watch him with Tara, boys?  That way someone armed is around in case they try again?"

"No, I don't think it's going to be a problem except for the religious nuts after tonight.  I'm pretty sure one was Reverend Jones.  He's the guy on the edge of town that's always running the tent revivals and supposedly heals people.   I've never been but it looked like his picture that you see in the paper now and then.  The other guy I'm not really sure but he was a Catholic priest, or wearing their uniform."

"We have one of those," Dean said dryly.  Sam nodded at that.

"Do we think it was just anti-gay people?" Sam asked calmly.

"I doubt they'd be associating with a Ganflenick."

"Good point.  Then who?"

"There's someone we should go talk to later," Xander decided.  "Oh, same judge.  Might be a problem there."  He got up.  "Wave bye and we'll go to the Magic Box."  Dean waved, stealing Sam's snack cake.  "Later, family."  He walked off, taking half of the cake for himself.  "We have  box in the car," he said when Dean made protesting noises.  He got him into his booster seat and got him another twinkie then headed to the Magic Box.   He walked in with the baby, nearly getting pounced by Tara.  "You okay?"

"I didn't think they were going to hurt her.  Someone was following me around this morning while I went grocery shopping.  That's why I let Joyce have him."

Xander kissed her on the forehead. "It's not your fault.  They even had ministers, Tara."  She growled.  "I know.  You know.  I'm calling Cordy so she knows."  She snickered.  "We need to see if this is demon related.  You know what?  You guys call Cordy, I'm going to Willie's.  Be back soon."  He walked off, heading for the demon bar.  He walked inside and everyone stared.  "She's in English class.  It's just me."  He walked over to one of the demons in the back, hauling him up.  "Why are your kind working with my parents?"  The demon gave him a horrified look.  "Tell me now or tell me after I break your jaw."  The demon laughed so he hit him and kicked him into the wall, then kicked his jaw to break it.  "Well?"  It mumbled something.  Xander stared.  "And?"

"You profaned the gift," he slurred.

"No I haven't.  Sam and I have been talking about a second child."  The demons all gave him horrified looks.  "Once Dean's his normal age.  Dean wants a sister," he said with a grin.  "Now, who's paying for them?  Wolfram and Hart?  The Council?  Religious nuts?"  The demon nodded at that one.  "Only them?  With a demon involved?"

"The Council put them onto your case," it admitted.  "Paid them to pay the others from what the clan heard."

Xander leaned down.  "Coming near my son is suicide.  Are you getting the same 'can you hear me now' I am?"  The demon nodded quickly.  "You're going to tell the clan leaders?  Because they *kidnaped* my son from *Buffy's mother* earlier at *gunpoint*," he said slowly and clearly.  "Buffy's mom has a black eye from my uncle."  The demon started to cry.  "You had better stop this shit before we stop this shit.  Because Buffy and I can do a mean impersonation of a tornado through a closed cave system like your clan lives in."  The demon nodded.  Xander hauled him up.  "Anything else I should know?"

"No," he said weakly.  "Are you getting married?"

"I told Sam he can't ask until Dean's his right age.  Then we can make those decisions since they used to travel all the time."  He stared at him.  "Not that it's anyone else's business."

"Yes, Harris," he said, backing away.  "Where is Buffy?"

He checked his watch.  "She gets out of English in five minutes.  It's a ten minute jog from the campus.....  You've got maybe ten of that to get the person who did it and hand them to her because her phone's off in class."  The demon nodded and ran from the bar.  He looked at Willie, then around.  "For future reference, yes, Sam does like playing with my stomach.  He thinks it's cute.  We are talking about a second child but no concrete plans have been made yet and we'll be asking Tara for eggs if we do decide to do it.  It's not profaning it, otherwise the thing would close.  He's even offered to carry the next one since he's the one who cast the rite for Dean's conception.  Any other concerns about my body?"

"He was touching it," one said miserably.

"Yeah, and it felt good.  Sam likes to touch it.  I don't mind if it touches it.  It's my body!  Humans are like that!" he snapped.  "Hell, look at the porn we've created.  If some, but not all of us, just a small percentage, humans like to screw dogs, horses, and sheep, then some of us would play with the new sex organ.  Logical, right?"  They all nodded, especially that one.  "If I hear one more *hint* of someone coming after me for him playing with it and us thinking about a second child, Buffy won't need to hear.  Remember, I'm the explosives expert on the team.  Can we all get this same signal?"  They nodded quickly.  "Good.  Then I'm going to assume this matter has ended.  Any other questions?"

"He didn't propose?"

"He did the day he showed up and five other times.  I'm still not doing anything until I know what the son wants to do when he's his right age since he and Sam used to travel all the time.  It's not fair to tie them *here* with all the demons here since they mostly did ghosts and poltergeists and things."  He walked off, finding Buffy stomping his way.  "The demon's going to give the one who did it to you."

"That's good!  Where is it?"

"Telling his clan leader.  You got out early?"

"Couple minutes early."  She looked around, noticing the one coming.  "That one?"  Xander looked then nodded.  "Hmm.  Anything else I should know?"

"That'll be announced tonight," he said, waving at the demon.  "Good timing."

The demon dropped the other's corpse.  "He's the one who went with Harris' uncle to hurt your mother and steal his child.  He was very sorry first.  It was not a clean death.  The clan does not honor these issues, no matter who pays us.  It was wrong and stupid.  My clan leader sends his apologies, Slayer."

Buffy looked at the mangled corpse then at him.  "It had better never happen again."

"Who was following Tara around?" Xander asked.  The body was pointed at.  "No others involved?"  He shook his head quickly.  Xander patted her purse down, coming up with a vial, which he poured over the body, making it steam, smoke, and dissolve.  "Buffy?"

"If they didn't do it I'm not going to bother them.  It had *better* not happen again."  He shook his head quickly, looking down.  "Thank you."  She took Xander's arm.  "Your uncle?"

"In jail.  I let the cops go in first instead of breaking down the door and killing.  I didn't want to take another shower today and since I got handed forms for a custody hearing, again, I decided it'd be better to have some official paperwork."  They walked back to the Magic Box, and inside.  "Joyce, the demon who was there suffered greatly before his clan killed him for such stupidity."  She smiled at that.  "My family's been arrested and so have the two ministers they had there."  She gave him a look.  He looked around.  "Sam, work?  Rent, dear?"

"We can still cover it.  We've been saving," he reminded him.  "And?"

"The council paid the ministers to give a damn."  Giles broke something.  "Anyone mind if I blow their asses up since they're funding the legal whatever-it-was?"

"Not anymore," Willow said happily.  "Let me see what I can do, Xander."

Xander grinned at Giles, then at Sam.  "I also had a talk with one of the demons who thought you were profaning the sacred spot the other night.  He understands better now.  I had to put it in terms of 'if there's humans who do sheep, of course there's humans who play with the new hole' but he got the point and asked when we're marrying."

"As soon as you let me," Sam told him.  "You know that."

"When Dean's his proper age," Xander said slowly and clearly.

Willow got her laptop out and got to work on something.  "Xander, sweetie, you need money, right?"

"We all could use some money.  I could use some new shoes," Buffy said happily.

"I can do that," Willow said cheerfully.  She got to work hacking the system over there.  Not like it wasn't pitiful.  When she was in she removed the bounty on Xander and her, plus the new one on Giles.  She adjusted Xander's file but printed down the old one.  She even made a note on the bottom that there had been inaccuracies so she wikki'd it for them.  She did include a mention of Xander's temper and how much he liked fireworks, especially when people were the fireworks.  Then she got into the other files.  She found the money accounts and wiped them bare.  She found the hidden accounts and wiped them bare.  Sam whispered in her ear and she smiled a mean, evil kitty smirk at him and changed the names of things so that those who had access to the files were basically the two cats in the family and the password would take months for them to crack since it was a mathematical formula plus answer.  From the Harry Potter books; which they loathed.  The last part of the formula was another formula itself and only she knew the answer it came out as since it was her magical math.  Then she sealed her hole and logged in under that ID to crash their system.  From Traver's office.  She giggled at them and moved the money to American banks in their names.  The wire transfer got some attention from the Feds but she had covered it as 'shopping trip in LA for young, rich lady' under a reason.  "We can hit LA tomorrow," she announced.

"We have to work," Xander said dryly.  "Give us our cut."

She beamed.  "I can do that.  Buffy?"

"Better shoes that way.  Mom?"

"I have a client tomorrow.  Don't buy anything trashy, dear."

"Yes, Mom."  Xander gave her an evil smirk and handed over a baby picture of Dean, making her snicker.  "Sure, I'll make Cordy yell again.  She's not used to having her blood pressure raised anymore."

"Of course not, we broke up," Xander said.  He smiled as he took his son back.  "Want to hit the park?"

"Is it safe?"

"They're in jail, son.   Uncle Rory was on probation for DUI."  He gave him a smug look.  "Let's see how much he likes the gang members this time."  He walked off with him, going to play and swing in the park for a while.  It was good for them to play.

John relaxed.  "Sam, your boy's temper...."

"I know, Dad.   Trust me I know."

"I haven't seen him that pissed in ... ever," Buffy said.  "Even when he found out Anya had left the baby alone for a few minutes and Dru was bouncing him on his knee.  I'm really sorry for the destruction now but I had nothing to do with it.  He even made the demons apologize and drag the corpse to me."

Giles' phone rang.  "Magic Box, how may I help you?"  He smiled.  "Quentin.  How nice to hear from you.  Yes, she's here.  Willow?"  He handed over the phone.

She took the phone. "Yes?"  She listened to him complain. "Then next time don't come near Sunnydale or our kids, Travers.  Pity."  She hung up.  She went back to their system and snickered, doing something very mean to it.  She put it online.  Sam gave her a horrified look.  She then sent a link to the FBI because they had weapons.  She knew they had weapons.  The inventory of weapons were some of the internal files she had put online.  She was even nice enough to give them a link directly to it.

"Ooooh," Buffy said, wincing some.  "That's mean."

"Yup," Willow said happily.  "I'm having fun now."  Tara handed her one of the cookies she had made last night.  "Aww, I earned Dean bribery cookies?"

"You need the chocolate," she said quietly.

"I haven't even done anything magically."

Tara kissed her on the cheek.  "Do that later if they try again."  The phone rang and Buffy got it this time.

"Magic Box," she said happily.  "I don't know where they disappeared to, Travers.  Maybe next time you shouldn't try to take Xander's bellybutton baby.  Oh, people are putting in their votes for the next one.  Dean wants a little sister, you want him to have a boy or a girl from his bellybutton this time?"  She listened to him make horrified noises.  "Twins?  Really?  Sure, I can see that happening.  Sam, twins?"

"I'd love any that came to be," he said, getting up to take the phone.  "Travers, Sam Winchester.  Really?" he said with a snicker.  "Because our whole family aren't hunters?  Yeah, that sort.   Xander's mine now.  I did the rite, Travers, not him.  The demon decided to put him into Xander.  No, that's my brother, Dean.  I'm sure you'll be seeing him in a few more months too."  He smirked. "Oh, I'm very certain of it.  Really, want to ask my dad?"   He snickered.  "No, Willow brought him back.  Yeah, all three Winchesters are back together and we're all looking forward to more bellybutton babies from Xander.  Especially when we marry next year sometime.  Buffy's going to make a very good attendant on my side."  Buffy hugged him.  "That's all right though because now that we know here isn't mythical, a few of us are going to be settling locally to help her even more."  Travers choked and started to splutter.  "Anything else you wanted to know?"  The wheezed bribe made him laugh.  "Oh, that's so pitiful even if you could do that.  No, I'm fairly certain you don't have the funds for that, Travers.  Thank you for joking though.  Now, anything else?  Willow has a witch thing to do tonight."   Travers moaned and the phone fell from his hands.  "Hmm, sounds like he passed out."  He hung up.  "He offered me half a mil for Xander's body so they could examine it.  Mindless but living was fine or dead."

"Interesting," Willow said, going to look at Travers' funds.  "No, he's in debt so high he's been sponging off the Council."

"Dad, he really hated the idea of hunters showing up here."

"As long as they don't get in my way," Buffy told him.

"It'll probably cut down on the problems you have," John said, pulling out his cellphone to dial a number.  "Jo?  It's John.  Yes, I'm back from Hell.  Like they'd keep me.  Get your mom for me please?"  He smirked at the complaint.  "Because I think she can steer some of the younger bucks this way and let them get some good training.  Sunnydale, the hellmouth.  I know it's mythical to us but it's not.  Sam found it.  He found a slayer too."  Buffy grinned.  "She's a nice girl.  Petite, blonde."

"Former cheerleader," Willow said loud enough to be heard on the other side.

"What Rosenburg said.  Yeah, that's her.  Sitting here next to her.  Waiting on Dean and his new mommy to get back.  Yeah, that's what Sammy did.  He's cute."  He grinned.  "Well, Buffy needs to date better and she'll have to have someone who understands.  She likes 'em slightly older too.  They've got vampires and multiple classes of demons we've never seen, including some harmless ones.  Then again they've got ones that're so harmful they're kill on sight.  We're doing a nightly patrol, Jo.  They could use the backup.  Yeah, that's us.  We can swing that way on the way to Universal Studios with Dean next week.  That'll work.  Thanks, Jo.  Yeah, I'm at this number from now on or you can find me on Sammy's cell.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "She'll tell Ellen and see if anyone wants to come out this way to settle down with you, Sammy."

Sammy gave him a look.  "You want us to pick this area instead of near home?"

"I think it'd be okay.  Or at least nearby.  No one's been doing ghosts around here.  There's a huge haunting population up north by about an hour."

"I was up there looking for Xander," he admitted.

"You and Dean would have plenty of work to do.  Xander could come back or live here whatever you guys decided.  It'd be good for you two to settle down, especially if you're going to give Dean a little sister."  He grinned at his son.  "I doubt Dean could take a babyseat in the Impala and Xander."

"I know.  We're still talking, Dad.  How do I convince him I'm not leaving when Dean's of the right age?"

"Have Dean do it," Willow said.  Buffy nodded.  "Even then, it'll only help a bit."

Sam sighed, rubbing his eyes.  "Good to know.  I'm trying."

"We know you're not playing with him," Buffy promised.  "Xander's stubborn and now you know why he doesn't believe in people wanting more than sex and snuggles from him."  Anya walked in.  "We're having fun destroying the Council."

Anya blinked.  "Why?"

"They paid some ministers, who paid some people to help Xander's parents get custody of Dean," Sam told her.

"Are they living?"

"The parents were arrested," Joyce said.  "The judge is out of town so they're staying in jail at least for tonight."

"The ministers?"

"Were at the house according to Xander," Sam said with a grin.

"Are we bombing the Council?"

Willow smirked meanly.  "No, I had an idea."

"Oooh," she said weakly.  "Well, I suppose the remains can reform.  Maybe Giles can head it.  Or Xander.  At least then the girls would get to laugh and stuff."  She kept hold of the doorknob.  "Should I worry about invasions?"

"That's Halloween this year," Buffy told her.

"I'll be out of town then," she decided.  "Should I call some of my former coworkers for Xander?"

"Dean's fine, he sneered at them," John assured her.

Anya just nodded.  "Uh-huh.  Where is he?"

"Playground with Dean," Sam said with a grin.  Anya whimpered again.  "It'll be fine."

"He's creating an alibi."

"That's fine," Sam promised.  An officer walked in.  "Yes, sir?"

"Guys, let us handle the Harris issue, please?"

"Sure, go right ahead and handle the Harris'," Willow agreed cheerfully.  "We're going to handle the people who paid the ministers.  They're in England."

"Sure," he decided.  "That's fine.  Um, Winchester, we have them in the car.  Xander was teaching your boy about explosives.  We didn't think that was a good idea in a public park. Can you maybe do whatever you did to make the demons run off crying?  Now?"

"Sure, I'll try to calm him down," he promised with a grin.  "Thanks."

"Not an issue.  Oh, thank him for beating my cousin.  He deserved it."  He went to get Xander and the baby, giving them a nudge inside.  "Your boy's still here."  He got in and drove off.

Xander stomped inside.  "They decided I'm turning Dean into a terrorist."

"He'll be a hunter with a very broad education," John promised, taking Dean from him.  Xander scowled.  "I get to hug him too.  The officer wanted Sam to do some tension breaking so go have some fun together.  We'll watch 'em and I'm armed, like usual."  Xander pouted.  "Go.  Now.  Sammy?"  Sam drug Xander off to have some fun since they had a lot of babysitters at the moment.  He looked at Dean.  "He any good with them?"

Dean nodded. "He even told me how to combine a few demons' blood and one part to make a timed explosion.  It was neat."  He grinned.  "I'll have to try that sometime."

"We don't carry the part here," Giles said dryly.  "Because I know Xander learned how to do that."

"Xander pointed one out to me," Dean said with a grin.  "He said that they're harmful because they eat laundry and got some of Aunt Buffy's panties once."

"Oh, them," Buffy said, grimacing.  "Yeah, I was about to beat them all to death for that."  Her mother gave her that look that said she needed spanked.  "It was my Victoria's Secrets panties, Mom."

She shook her head.  "Only destroy the ones who did it, Buffy, not all of them for that."

"They ate the green skirt too."

"I wondered why I hadn't seen that recently."  She stood up.  "I should get back to work."

"I'll come watch over you," Willow said cheerfully.  "I can count it in art class."  She walked Joyce back there, chattering about Dean's next stage and how they had to make it more special.

***

Xander finished the bed and smiled.  It was a good size and Dean would grow into it.  He heard his kid come in and waved him that way.  "Come on."

Dean grinned at his bed.  "Thanks, Xander."  He gave him a hug around the waist.  "It's even big enough for when I'm older."

"That way we won't have to change it again," Sam joked.

Xander grinned.  "Yes, you have to put up with the goofy sheets.  That's all I got you."

"That's fine."  He smiled at the scoobie sheets he had. "Dinner?"

"In an hour, when I order it," Sam said, walking off.  "Maybe you should take a nap, Dean?"

"I'm not tired."  He went to bounce on it.  He was still young enough to get away with that.  "This is a good bed."  He sat down, seeing the look on Xander's face.  He hated the mushy moments!  "Maybe I could nap, if I had a story?" he offered hesitantly.  He was not used to handling these things but Xander looked so depressed.

"You don't have to do that, Dean," he promised, coming over to give him a hug.

Dean pulled him down.  "So?  You do the voices better than Sammy does.  I'll nap if you'll read."  Xander grinned and went to get the book they were working on, settling in with him against his side to read to him.  Dean decided he really did need more siblings, or nephews, whatever, because Xander was making one hell of a parent and deserved a bit of normal.  He was too strange and stressing him out.  He yawned, letting himself fall asleep.  Xander was a good mommy.

Xander smiled at the tiny mumble he had heard.  "Thanks, Dean.  I needed to hear that."  He put the bookmark into place and kissed him on the head before carefully getting off the bed and tucking him in.  Then he went to sit with Sam on the balcony, snuggling into his side.  "He said I'm a good mommy."

"You're a great mommy to him," Sam said, smiling at him.  He gave him a kiss.  "I'm sure our original one would've loved how you've been handling it."  Xander grinned back and relaxed against his side.  "We've got to leave in two days."

"He'll have a lot of fun at Universal Studios and you guys might even have fun too.  You and your dad are both uptight, you could use the fun."

"Dad will be a bit more tense in the crowd but I'll have fun."  He kissed him on the head.  "You sure you don't want me to stay?  Most of the threats are gone."

Xander shook his head.  "No, your nightmares are more dangerous than mine, Sam.  Yours have fire and things that could get the rest of us."

"I know."  He gave him a cuddle.  "It's only for a week and a few days."  He felt Xander grin.  "I'm being mushy but I'll miss sleeping next to you.  You're like a furnace at night that kicks me when I don't cuddle."  Xander snickered.  "He down?"

"I read him another chapter and he went down."

"Good job."  He took a kiss, looking back as the door opened.  "Hey, Dad.  Let Dean sleep."  He went back to kissing Xander.  It was one of his favorite things to do.

John let them go at it for a few minutes, looking in the cabinets.  The boys ordered out too often.  They needed to cook more.  He found what he needed and started on dinner, smiling at Dean when he came sneaking out.  "Nearly managed it.  Good job."

"As good as the first time?"

"Yup."  He nodded outside.  Dean shook his head, staying with him to help him cook.  "You sure?"

"They need time alone.  Sam's got separation anxiety or whatever it is when you miss your boyfriend."

"I heard that," Xander called.  "No more napping?"

"I'll go back to it later, Mom."  He laughed at his dad's look.  "He lets me and he did push me out."

"Fine.  She wouldn't mind.  She would've expected Sam to knock him out and drag him in front of a minister by now, but she wouldn't have minded."

"Mom did that to you?"

"No, we were married before you came to be, son.  Not by many weeks but we were."  Dean laughed.  "She nearly beat me when she found out she was."

"Sammy said Xander threw an urn at his head."

"Doesn't really surprise me.  A few of the demons have made sure he's not still having mood swings."  Someone pounded on the door.  "Who is it?"

Xander got up and opened it, looking at the man on the other side.  "You would be?"

"Are you Alexander Harris?"

"Today.  Why?"  The man scowled at him.  "Speak it or I'm closing the door.  I don't have the energy for this."

"Are you or aren't you?"

"Depends on who sent you," Sam said, coming up behind him.  "You are?"  The man's badge came out.  "ATF.  Interesting.  Xander?"

"Not a clue."  He let him inside, nodding at the quiet man that had been in the hallway.  "What?"  He slammed the door, looking at them, arms crossed over his chest.

"Sir, there was a tip handed to us by the FBI about a terrorist group in England and they claim you're one of them?"

"No.  I work with someone they fired to keep the town safe but no."

"Um, safe?" the quiet guy asked.

Xander grinned.  "Call up Sunnydale in the yearly stats, guys.  Or hey, paper?"  Sam found it and handed it over. He found the obit's page and held it up.  "It was a slow day."  They gaped at the ten entries on it.  "We usually get six to twelve a night.  I'm on the local protection society with one of their former people.  Do I know weapons, yeah.  I'm a very good shot.  Do I have artillery?  No, I used the last piece I had to solve an issue that was going to kill a lot of people."

"Would that be the blonde girl in the mall?" the quiet one asked.

Xander nodded.  "The blue thing was going to kill others."

"I see."  They looked at each other.

The first agent cleared his throat.  "Sir, I spent two weeks on the Initiative base."  Xander slammed him against the wall, getting into his face.  "I never hunted," he squeaked.  "I was guarding the scientists when they were taken to trial!"  Xander let him go, giving him a cold look.  "Who are the ones in England?"

"The ones over slayers who kidnap or buy the future ones so that they don't know anything but them.  Including family."  The agents moaned.  "Not to mention the ones who put a contract out on myself and my son, plus Miss Rosenburg.  They paid people to help my parents try to get my son away from me.  One of them offered my boyfriend half a mil if he'd hand over my dead body to them."

The first agent shuddered.  "Do we know of any in the US?"

Xander shrugged.  "Ask Giles if he'll talk.  They fired him for giving a damn.  The reason behind them is all right but the way they're working sucks.  Especially to me."

"I can see why, sir.  What sort of weapons do you have?"

"A few shotguns that belong to my boyfriend.  Mostly swords, crossbows, and my battle axe."

"That's one impractical weapon," John complained quietly.

Xander glared at him.  "I've killed more demons with it than I have with a sword."  He looked at the agents again.  "Any other questions?"

"Sir, the high school?" the second one asked.

"Necessary.  The thing attacking us that killed all those people was killed by it.  It's the only way we had.  Otherwise we would've done it differently."  He shifted his stance.  "I led that battle.  Why is it a concern now?"

"It's not but they did say that they assigned you to do that."

"No, they kept information from us that made that the only action we had," Xander assured them.  "They're worse at sharing than a room full of toddlers."  The second agent shuddered and so did Dean.  "So, no.  That was partially their fault.  The only method we had was that one."

"Sir, since you do know, we could offer you a nice job," the first agent offered.

Xander smiled.  "I'm a construction guy.  I like what I do. I channel most of the urges and knowledge very socially and helpfully."

"I understand, sir.  Any weapons around here that you don't know about?"

"You mean like do the demons have stuff?  I'm sure they do.  I know now and then I manage to get some off the ones we kill."  He shrugged. "If they've got something that harmful we usually hear about it and handle it as soon as we hear."

"Thank you for saving our asses, sir," the first agent said.  "You sure about the job?  We need agents who know what they're doing."

Xander grinned.  "I'm not going to college; my military and combat history is not acceptable to the government since one's from a possession and the other's from here.  I'm on the same blacklist as the Initiative guys usually are."

"Good to know, sir.  How do you know?"

"Rosenburg."

"Can we come to you if we find there's something local that should be turned over?"  Xander nodded, grinning some.  "Thank you, sir.  Have a better night and we're sorry to interrupt."

"Please tell me you got whatever Watcher who told that lie in custody?" Sam asked.

"Oh, yes, sir.  The British government raided them earlier for the weapons and tax fraud."  He grinned.  "Any idea where the money went?"

"Shoe shopping," Xander said dryly.  The agents left.  Xander closed and locked the door.  Then he leaned against it.  "That was strange even for Sunnydale.  I should tell Cordy, watch her shriek."  He grabbed the phone and dialed.  "Hey, Cordy.  Checking in.  The nice ATF agents who just offered me a job said that the Watchers tried to turn me in as a member of their terrorist organization after the British government raided them earlier.  Yeah, they wanted me to join the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms.  Nah, I'm still on the Initiative blacklist so I can't become a Fed," he said when she shrieked at him.  "Are the girls there yet?  Shoe shopping.  No, funded.  Not by Buffy's mom, Cordy.  The Watchers got raided earlier."  He snickered at her new rant.  "Yeah, tell Angel that.  Maybe he and Giles can buy their books or something."  She started on another rant.  "They offered Sam a half mil for my dead body and were paying people to help my parents take custody of Dean, Cordy.  Tax fraud and weapons.  Tell Wes if they contact him to remind them that fucking with us is a *bad* thing.  Called to make you happy!"  He hung up on new screaming, rubbing his ear.  "I feel better now."

"Are you the evil Xander?" Dean asked.  Willow had told him there was an evil Xander somewhere but he had been half asleep so he wasn't really sure where he was.

"Anya told me once that torture shows love."  He grinned at him.

"Thankfully you love me differently," Sam said, giving him a kiss.  "Way too mean, Xander."

"Oops, but it's good for her to get excited."  He gave him a quick kiss.  "You only have to worry if you're using me and then dump me because your friends don't like me."

"Son, take him and make him calm down," John ordered.

"Dinner?" Dean asked.

"Forty minutes, Sammy."

"Yes, sir."  He picked Xander up and carried him upstairs to make him sane again the easier way, driving his mind out of his head with sex.

Dean walked up to close the bedroom door then came back down.  "That long?"

"He needs more time," he said, handing him his dinner.  "They can warm it up.  I doubt it won't take longer, Dean."  Dean smirked, going over to watch tv while he ate.  He only got to do that with his dad.  Xander insisted on the table, Willow said it was better for them.

John brought out his own plate, settling in next to him.  "Horror movie?" he asked.

"Show coming on after it is pretty cool and the chick's hot," Dean said, eating a bite.  "Weapons, guns, and mystical shit."

"That's fine.  We'll give it a try."  The phone rang so he grabbed it.  "What?"  He smiled.  "It is me, Willow.  Cordelia called screaming?  Huh.  The ATF agents that got told Xander was a part of their terrorist network by the Watchers offered him a job."  She shuddered and whimpered, hanging up.  "She didn't like that idea either."  He ate a bite, agreeing that the girl for the next show was pretty when the preview blurb came on.  After a few minutes he smirked.  "I wouldn't mind a girl like her."

"Buffy's straight."

"She's much too young for me," John said dryly.  "Plus way too fashionable, Dean.  I like the girl.  I respect her, but I could never date her."

Dean sighed.  "Pity.  She'd be cute and quit fussing so much if she got more sex."  Xander squealed.  "Like him."  John snickered quietly, nodding. "He's been good to us."

"He has.  He clearly loves you even knowing all this."  He patted him on the head.  "We'll be fine, Dean."  Dean nodded, going back to his dinner while they watched the show.  It was good and she did kick ass nearly as well as Buffy did.

***

to part 3:

In LA, Gunn stopped Wesley from walking into the hotel.  "I don't know what happened but Cordy's on a rant about your people, government people, her people, and Xander.  Still.  It's been a half-hour and she's still screaming about something.  Mostly about your people and government people, plus Xander."

"Oh, dear," he sighed.  "I've been told that the Council was raided a bit ago on weapons charges."  He glanced inside, finding Angel finishing the knots to keep her tied down.  He walked inside.  "I do know what caused the fit.  The Council has been trying to get Mr. Harris again."  Angel moaned.  "Miss Rosenburg took offense on his behalf earlier and turned them into the FBI for having the weapons cabinet.  The government over there raided them for that and some tax fraud.  Why the government went for Mr. Harris I'm not sure."

Cordelia spit the gag out.  "Because the ATF agents were told Xander was one of the Watchers and a terrorist, but one of the guys apparently knew he wasn't.  They offered him a job!  Xander as a Federal Agent!"  Angel shuddered at that.  "One who plays with *guns*  all day long!" she shouted.  "Plus the Watchers offered his bad hair boyfriend half a mil for his corpse."

"I heard that," Wes agreed.  "Willow hacked them, Angel.  Removed their money.  Turned them in.  Fixed Xander's file just in case someone manages to get into the system again since she presently has it locked.  I suppose she's about to go over the classification system and change things to names that Buffy will remember as well."

Gunn coughed so he wouldn't laugh.  "Any other good news?"

"Willow and Buffy are coming to shoe shop, a funded shopping trip," she said with a pouty look.

"Yes, I'm assuming they're splitting the money equally.  Who called to let you know?"

"The big dork himself.  He said he called to make me happy!"  She rocked the chair.  "Let me go!"

"Not until you're calm.  Otherwise I'm going to put you in a room full of demons and let you scream at them," Angel said, walking off.  "Are they going to tax auction, Wesley?"

"Possibly.  If so, I'm sure you and Giles could get the majority of the books rather cheaply."  He patted Cordelia on the head.  "There are worse fates for Xander.  Like president."

She gave him a look, then her lip quivered.  She burst out crying.  Gunn got her free, letting her run off and hide.

"That's mean, man," Gunn said, heading for his room to laugh himself sick at that image.  Xander Harris for president?  Yeah, right!  When the aliens landed!

Wesley smiled. "She's not ranting anymore," he called after him.  Angel came out of the office to give him a funny look.  "I suggested there were worse things Xander could be than an agent.  Like president."  Angel walked off nearly crying too.  Wes felt very proud of himself.  Angel wouldn't be slipping his soul anytime soon!  He went to make himself some tea and call Giles back to tell him what had happened.  He had warned him about Cordelia throwing a fit if she heard.  It was only fair.

***

Twenty minutes later John hung up the phone and shook his head quickly.  "Sammy, Giles came up with an even worse mental image than him being a Fed.  Him being president.  He said he's drinking himself to death tonight and Buffy's taking tonight off patrol if you two wanted to go," he yelled.

"The hunters might get a union," Dean joked.  "There'd be stripper regulations so they weren't ugly.  The M&M or twinkie would become the national snack food.  I'm not seeing a downside."  His father gave him a look.  "What?  No one else would ever want to screw with us again!  Can you see Russia or someone trying to screw with Xander?"

"I'm trying very hard not to, son."

Sam moaned, then slammed the door and went back to making himself sane so he could forget that image.  Xander was more than happy to help him until he needed a nap.

"Hey, that means Sammy could be First Lady," Dean joked loudly.  "He could do all the diplomatic stuff and make others see Xander's a nice guy if you weren't mean to him."

Sam whimpered.

"Son, shut up.  I need recovery time before I take that image out of your father's head," Xander yelled.

"Sure, Mom."

Sam kissed him, going for it anyway.  He'd be able to get hard eventually.  Until then there were other things he could do to drive Xander less insane.

***

Buffy walked through the cemetery on her way out to the movies, still rubbing her forehead.  Spike gave her a worried look.  "I'm going to have a stroke."

"Why?" he asked, looking her over.  Jeans, t-shirt, sneakers, hair up.  She looked comfortable.

"Wesley had to give Cordelia a mental image that would make her quit fussing about the agents offering Xander a job.  He came up with Xander for president."

Spike dropped his cigarette, staring at her.  "No.  No way in hell!" he shouted.

"At least Sam would try for diplomacy and to keep him from eating twinkies every day," she said weakly.  "I'm gonna have a stroke, Spike!" she whined. "What if Ethan hears?  Or Dru!"

He walked her off, escorting her to the movies.  "Here, you go rest.  I'll do patrol tonight."  She gave him a weak smile.  "He'd get your mum to advise him and she'd keep him calm.  Her and Sam both.  Then Red and Glinda could marry legally."  She grinned at that.  "He'd do a lot for kids and the poor."

"Yeah, he would."  She gave him a hug.  "Thank you for the happier thoughts.  Mom would make him stay good."  She bought her ticket and went inside.

Spike went to get into a fight to take that image out of his head.  His Dark Princess had shown him all politicians should wear clown shoes but that one would be worse than all the rest combined!  They might end up taking him out to save the world or something.  Then Buffy would pout at him.  He'd never get laid again.  His sire would kill him slowly and painfully for making his slayer pout - and Angelus knew torture.

***

Xander walked into the Magic Box the next day and grinned.  "Just to put any rumors aside, Sam said I cannot run for public office so we're safe unless Ethan or Dru hears!"  He walked out, going off to work.

Willow shook her head quickly.  "Huh?" she asked.

"Wesley had to come up with a bad mental image to make Cordelia quit yelling," Buffy said, sounding tired.  "It was Xander as president."

Willow cackled.  "Oh, we'd so rock the world!" she said happily.  "But I'd do it better because I do know what diplomacy is."

Buffy reached over to knock her out.  "No.  If you go do that you can't help me slay and then I'd be pouty.  The vampires would try to hug me again and it'd be a bad thing!"  She stomped off to get cocoa.

Anya shook her head.  "He would be a powerful man.  Maybe I could be the mistress then...." she mused.  She called Sam.  "If he does go that high up can I be the mistress?"  He hung up after a sullen 'no'.  She pouted.  "That's not nice.  Many people will want him then because he'll be powerful.  At least I know how to do that tongue thing that makes him nap."

Buffy came out of the kitchen.  "If you try Sam's going to rip you apart so badly not even the people on that show will be able to find your pieces, Anya.  Give up and move on."  She got an idea.  She knew a scowly one who could use a creative, flexible girlfriend to quit scowling.  "You know, John used to be married a long time ago.  Like decades.  He hasn't had any since then.  Notice the scowling?  You could even help distract him when he wanted to scowl at Xander for teaching Dean silly songs."  Anya gave her a look.  "Sam had to learn it from somewhere.  Dean used to be a stud.  Maybe it runs in the family."  She went back to her cocoa making feeling content.  Friends helped their friends feel happier.

"Hmm.  Scruffy can be nice," she said, thinking about it.  "Plus older men are said to be more patient and he has stamina because he can keep up with Buffy and Xander on patrol. Maybe I should try him."  She went to make plans on how to snare him.  She couldn't trap him the way Buffy did but gentle pressure might work.  Especially if she played off the stubborn streak the whole family had.

***

John looked over as he put the last bag into his truck.  Tara had her suitcase and he nodded.  "You can put it in mine, Tara."

"I'm riding with the boys," she said quietly.

He grinned.  "Dean will drive you nuts."

She smiled.  "I have cookies."  He laughed.  "Are you okay?  You look tired."

"I had to escape from Anya six times last night."

Sam looked over at him.  "Buffy decided that you would be good for her," Dean reported.  "That way she could get over Xander and make you less scowly as she put it."  He grinned his best naughty grin at his dad.  "She decided you can keep up with Mom and Buffy on patrol so therefore you've got to have stamina and older men have better experience.  Buffy suggested Sam and I had to learn it from somewhere since we're apparently both studs now that he's found a guy who he can go girly on."  John moaned, shaking his head.

"I'd run, John.  She's more stubborn than I am about some things and she's been missing her six a night," Xander called.  He looked at Sam.  "Do not pout at me," he warned.  Sam gave him the best begging look.  "No!  I don't care, go play!  No more pouting at me or I won't make the special brownies for when you get back."  He gave him a kiss, making him smile.  "Be safe.  Have fun at Universal Studios when you get there from wherever you guys are hitting first.  Call to let me know how things are going.  Dean, I packed that tape, kiddo."  He kissed him on the head.  "Be good.  Listen to them.  Be safe and remember what I taught you if you run into a pervert."  Dean gave him an evil smirk.  "That's my boy."  He gave him a hug.  "You be safe."

"You too," Dean said quietly.

Xander snorted, grinning at him.  "I've done this so many times before it's like a rerun of the Cosby show.  All good feelings and happy family.  Then we'll have a party at the Bronze and Chinese food."  Dean rolled his eyes.  "We handle two a year.  Don't worry about me.  Worry about your Dad," he said, nodding at Sam. "He's already pouting."

"I'll make him quit pouting," Dean promised.  "As only a good brother can."  Xander cackled, earning one from his son.

"That's the bad sound," Tara said.

"I know.  Dean used to do that right before he pranked Sammy.  I had to make him stop because it wasn't very stealthy."  He came over to take Dean back.  "He'll be good.  You be safe and come home."

"Of course.  Easy squeezy, John.  Not the first time we've faced down nightmares."  He kissed Sam again then waved.  "Go before Buffy shows up to be mushy."

"Let me get into the car," Dean said.  "She'll cry on me and I can't take that."  He got into his booster seat with Tara's help.  Sam got in to drive.  Tara got in beside him.  John got into his truck and Xander waved as they left into the early evening light.  He leaned forward, grabbing his bag of activity supplies Xander had given him.  It was his workbooks, a few other books, and some music, plus his CD player and CD's.  He handed over a tape.  "Here, put this one in."

Sam put it in and groaned at the kids' songs coming over the speakers.  Even Tara groaned at them.  Dean was humming to annoy them even farther.  After the third one Sam ejected the tape and tossed it out the window.  "Driver picks the music," he said, turning it onto a station that would have music he and Tara could enjoy.  Dean had the CD player if he got too bored.  Tara patted him on the arm.  He smirked back.  "His rules."

Dean put on his headphones with a shake of his head.  That had been a copy.  Xander had the original CD at home on the stereo.  He looked back, finding his Dad staring at his stereo in horror.  Xander must've given him a copy too.  John calmly opened the window and tossed his in the bed of the truck, then closed the window.  Dean snickered.  His dad's face was nearly as good as when Dean had suggested Sam as the First Lady.  Tara tapped him and gave him a cookie, earning a grin.  "Thanks," he said, nibbling on it.

"Behave.   Have you seen my Enya tape?"

"Um, Dad may have it."

She called back there. "John, do you have my Enya tape?"  They pulled over and she got it out of the truck bed, coming to put it in.  She smiled at him and took the others Willow had snuck into his truck.  "Thank you."  She climbed back in, putting that one into the tape player.  Dean turned up his music.  She scowled.  "No hearing damage."  He turned it down some but that was just Dean for you.  Sam shrugged it off and kept going once they were back on the road.  His girlfriend had probably listened to her.  She was good.

***

John parked at The Roadhouse, getting out and handing Sam a tape.  "I think that's Dean's."

"Heavy metal?  Classical rock?  Or kids songs?"

"Kids songs," he groaned.  Sam tossed it in the nearest trash can.  "I saw you toss one earlier."

"Kids songs," he agreed.  "It was Xander's idea for Dean to annoy us and make us beg."  He opened the back door, waking Dean up.  "We're here.  Tara?  It's a bar but it's where hunters gather.  If they bother you, tell us and we'll beat their asses.  Even the other girls."  She nodded, walking Dean inside.  "We're here," he yelled at the empty room.

A young blonde girl came out of the back.  "Are you sane...."  She stopped when she saw John.  "I heard you but I wasn't sure it wasn't a possession."

"No, Rosenburg brought me back.  Sammy did that to Dean," he said, pointing at Dean and Tara sitting together so Dean could go over something with her.  She looked then burst out laughing.

"I can still kick your butt, Jo," Dean promised her.  "Even at this size."

"Manners," Tara whispered.

He looked at her.  "She deserves them?"  She gave him a look.  His father gave him a look.  "Dad, why don't you marry Tara?  Then you'd both get to frown at me for the same reason more often."

She stroked over his hair.  "Willow would get very upset with him.  There's no telling what she'd do."

"Good point.  She is the scary one.  Buffy's only scary when she's tired."  He pointed at something.  "Isn't that a form of life?"  She looked and smiled, nodding a bit.  "I knew it was but Sammy said it was soul."

Sam looked then pointed.  "This language is connotation based, Dean.  It depends on the sentence around it.  In that sentence it means soul.  In the one before it, it means life."  He patted him on the head then looked at Jo and her mother Ellen.  "Hi."

"He's adorable," Ellen told John.  "Again.  Why?"  John pointed at Sam.  "The reason you're back?"

"Rosenburg."

"I..it wa...was an a...accident," Tara stuttered, ducking her head.

"It was," John agreed, smiling at her.  "Don't be shy around her, Tara.  She's not."  He looked at them again.  "Anyone going to come our way?"

"A few are thinking about it.  Slayers are real?"

"Very," Sam said, grinning at her.  "I've been patrolling with her since I found where Dean got put."

"Do I even want to know?" Jo demanded.

"No," Dean said.

Sam shook his head. "Long story, Jo.  It saved Dean from where he had to save me."  She just nodded at that and walked off to go behind the bar.  "We're stopping over on our way to Universal Studios to see if others are coming our way.  Right now we're on leave because of an apocalypse.  Dean's other father demanded it so he'd be safe.  Plus Tara wanted to do something in San Francisco."

"She's cute, yours?" Jo asked from behind the bar.

"No, she's dating a very nice witch," John told them.  "She's been helping Sammy and Xander with Dean while he regrows."  She smiled at him.  "She's done an excellent job too."  Dean nodded.  "Including keeping him from getting into as much trouble as last time."  He gave his son a look.  Dean just grinned back.  "Thanks for the nair, son."

"Welcome.  Anya said she didn't like hairy chests."

"I'm not dating your mother's ex."

"She's persistent.  You might want to give in but make it bad," Sam offered, smirking a bit.  "That way she'll leave you alone."  John gave him a scathing look.  "Xander said she used to demand six or seven orgasms a night.  Not even *I* have stamina like that."

"I haven't ever had that sort of stamina."

"Not that hard when you..."  Tara smacked him on the mouth lightly.  "Hey!"  She gave him a look.  "Fine, I won't share those memories with anyone.  That way I don't get put in the corner."

John patted Tara on the shoulder.  "Thanks.  Didn't want to hear those."

"Those things are private," she said quietly.

"Unless you write for Penthouse," Dean quipped.  His father swatted him this time.  "Hey!"

"Xander's not here to save your hind end this time, son," John told him.  Dean pouted but nodded.  "That's twenty extra pushups tonight."  His son sighed but went to do them now.  "Thank you."  Sam snickered.  "He wouldn't put up with it either."

"Xander was thinking about showing him better ways to get his girl fix in until he was old enough to date again."  He grinned at Jo and her mom.  "So, who's coming over?  And can we have the room upstairs tonight?"

"It's only got two beds."

"Tara and Dean can have one.  I've got a sleeping bag and Dad can have the other one," Sam assured her.  She gaped.  "What?  Dean's my son now."  She burst out laughing.  "He is.  His mom's a great guy.  Love him a lot even if he is more stubborn than all three of us combined."

"And then some," Dean agreed from his corner.  Tara nodded at that.  He finished up and came back to get back to work.  "I don't like this language," he said.

Sam looked at him.  "You only need the basics and that's the end of that workbook.  The faster you get it done the faster you go onto advanced Latin and one of the demon ones."

"Six more pages," he complained, getting back to it.  "Hold on, I'm learning a demon language?"  Sam smirked and nodded.  "Did Mom approve?"

"He insisted," John told him dryly.  "He said it's one he hears at the demon bars a lot since it's a common one."

"Wow.  Is Sammy learning it too?"

"With you," Sam agreed.  "It's spoken so no workbook beyond the flashcards."  Dean grinned and went back to it.  He could do the six long pages tonight if he wanted to.  Sam grinned at his dad again.  "It could come in handy."

"Very.  I wonder if our sort know it?"

"Xander said it's a common, lesser demon language.  The higher ones are arrogant.  Maybe half would know some of it."

John smirked.  "Good thinking, Sammy."

"All my evil half's fault," he said dryly.

Jo gave him a nervous look.  "You're with a guy?"  Sam beamed and nodded, pulling out a picture to show her.  "Uh-huh.  And he's a what?"

"Hunter and construction worker.  He's been hunting with the slayer since he was sixteen.  Xander's a great guy."

She backed away from him.  "There's no way you're not sick, Sammy.  I'm sorry but you need to be put into the hospital."

Dean glared at her.  "Insult Xander and I'm ripping you apart," he promised.  She let out another nervous laugh.  "Ellen, please?  Before we have to traumatize Tara?"  She swatted her daughter.  "Thank you."  He got back to work on the workbook.  "Can I have a drink?"

"Sure," Ellen agreed.  "Soda, John?  Or Sammy, whichever is doing the sugar monitoring."

"He's had plenty today," John assured her.

"But most juices have more sugar," Sam told him.  "I had to learn to read that part of the label when I accidentally gave Xander a super hyper day after getting him some chocolate milk.  I swear he was going to bounce enough to miscarry."

"I've seen him in that mood," John admitted.  "You end up tying him down?"

"No, I ended up helping him nap and then purging the house.  Diet soda, Ellen?"  Dean whimpered.  "Quit.  Now."  Dean pouted.  "I mean it or no cookies tomorrow.  You'll have a salad for breakfast and tofu for lunch."  Dean shut up and took his diet soda.  "Thank you."  He grinned.  "So, who's coming our way?"

"A few of the younger boys who're just out of the service and one just out of training with his daddy.  That one's in Oxnard if you need him sooner.  Paul's son."

"Xander said they've faced nightmare creating things before so they'd be fine," Dean said.  "I don't know when but he said so."

"I asked, high school."  Sam looked at her.  "He can meet us the day we're at Universal Studios."

"You're really going to a theme park?" Jo demanded.

"Xander said it's an important rite of childhood," Sam told her.  "Besides, even we Winchesters need some fun sometime.  Dean used to pick up girls and he can't do that for a while longer."

"Years yet," Jo agreed.

"He's going at a year a month.  Next year," Sam said dryly.  She gaped.  "What?  I fully intended to carry him."

"That would've been super weird.  It's bad enough I'm not sure if I should call you Sammy or Daddy," Dean complained.  "Later on you'll be nagging me because you changed my diapers."  He gave him a look.  "Just don't have that thought.  Give me a niece or have Xander give me a baby sister.  One of each if you want.  I don't mind.  Really," he said with a winning grin.  "I'll even be nice to them.  When we have to dress like priests again they can go as a nun."

Tara stroked over his hair.  "Xander has his reasons for waiting, Dean.  Then you can nag and beg.  I even said they could have some of my eggs since I'm not planning on using them."

He stared at her.  "Why not?"

"Because I don't plan on it."

"That's such a load of crap, Tara," Sam told her.  "You'll be a better mom than Xander is and he's great at it.  The way you help us with Dean shows that."  She opened her mouth.  "I'd be honored to be a godfather or uncle to your children.  You're a special woman and your specialness should be passed on.  Have someone do a nucleus switch and let Willow carry it."

"Mood swings," John coughed.

"Never mind, you carry them, Tara.  Let Willow be the daddy since she's so tough."  Tara giggled, shaking her head.  "You really should.  We'd love to help."

"It's sweet but no," she said, shaking her head.  "Sorry.  The limitations of stuff, Sam."

"That's only if a guy breaks you in, sweetheart," John said, making her blush.  "If a woman doctor implants it, nothing's going to change."  She gave him a look.  He nodded.  "Ask the ones you know."

"Melinda would know," Sam agreed.

"I'll consider it but I still think I'd be bad at it."

Dean poked her until she looked at him.  "You've done great with me.  Even though I'm not a normal kid you've done great with me."  She smiled and patted him on the head.  "Another point to consider is Xander said the same thing.  Do we need to make your parents sorry too?"

"Buffy did," she said quietly.

"Uh-huh," John said, grimacing.  "I hate parents like that."  He shook his head.  "You'll have some even if you do have to use a turkey baster like I heard some girls like you have done."  She blushed.  "That way Dean can be an uncle to a normal kid.  Even if you do have them with Willow.  Plus there's nothing that says that you'll have a witch."

"Good point," she agreed quietly.

"Yeah, you could have the next underwear model," Dean teased.

"My child would be too modest for that.  You're the one who tried to streak through the Magic Box."

"Spike paid me twenty twinkies to do it too," he said happily with a bright, happy grin.  "By the way, whose bright idea was the non-cutting?"

"Xander," Sam and John said.

"I'll have him explain that to me later."

"If you want you can have that done when you're older, son," John offered.

Dean looked at him.   "I don't like pain.  No thanks."  He went back to his workbook, doing the last page.  He smiled. "FINALLY!"  He tossed it at Sam, who looked over the last few pages then handed one back.  He pouted.  "Not right?"

"Not even close.  You have an eraser, use it."  Dean pouted but went back over it, correcting his errors.  He shot a look at Tara and did it in Latin.  He handed it back with a smug look.  "You're still conjugating 'have' oddly.  Wrong ending for that gender and number."  He pointed.   "Fix it."  Dean fixed it.

"You'd be a scary teacher, son," John said.

"Yes, he is," Dean agreed.  He fixed it and handed it back.

"Good job.  You get to pick which book to deal with tonight before bedtime."

"Can I have the comics?"

"Sure," he agreed with a grin.  "Comics are a good part of growing up and I agreed with Xander on that."  Dean smirked and went to get the comics Xander had slipped into his bag for the car trip.  He looked at Jo again.  "Want to have us meet that one around Universal Studios or later that night?"

"Later that night would be better," John said.  "Did he get us tickets?"

"Willow did.  I put our cut into the bank."  He smirked at him.  "That way I can have a nice wedding when I finally talk my stubborn bitch into it."  John gave him a look.  "I had a nice necklace for him that first night since the books said your hands could swell.  I told him if it was any way other than what had happened I'd have come in with a preacher too.  He gave me a confused look."

"With his parents, I wonder why," Dean said sarcastically.  He grinned.  "I've got a plan if he stays stubborn."

"Sure," Sam agreed.  He looked at the two women.  "We should probably crash for the night."

"How are you guys getting money?" Jo asked.

"There were people who wanted to kill Xander; Aunt Willow destroyed them for us," Dean said patiently, turning the page on his comic.  "Pity."

"Definitely and if I ever see that Travers asshole I'm going to salt and burn his living body," Sam agreed.  John smiled at that.  "Yes, I know, I'm just as scary as he is over my family.  I consider that a good thing and I didn't even need possessed to do it."

"What got him?" Dean asked.

"Hyena."

Dean and John both stared at him.  "They didn't clear it?" John demanded.

"They tried to exorcize it, it didn't fully come out," Sam told him.  "Xander said they're like his shoulder angels now and then.  It works for him.  I offered to try it again for him and he pouted at me.  As long as he doesn't have to snap at someone like Dru anytime soon, we'll be fine.  We have been so far.  That was in his first year of hunting."

"Damn," Dean said.  Tara swatted him again.  He frowned at her.  "That deserves it."

"Tough.  There are ladies present."

"We swear too, honey," Jo said dryly.  "You don't?"  Tara shook her head.  "You do what?"

"Magical support for the slayer," she said quietly.  The girl backed off.

"She's a guardian," Dean said happily.  "The one Annabelle's guardianship went to.  Her familiar even likes me.  Then again, so does ours."  He grinned at Sam.  "Didn't he snuggle for that?"

"He gave me a look like I was God," Sam said honestly, smiling at him.  "Willow tried to give him some of her pet fish one year for his birthday so he asked if it was alive but he was nearly squealing in joy from Bastest."  John shook his head at that.  "She was little."

Tara nodded.  "We all were at one time."

"Twice now," Dean said dryly.  He poked her, pointing at a dress.  "Can we put Sammy in that for Halloween?"

"No, Dean.  That's mean."

"Fine."  He turned the page when Sam came over to look.

"Remember, Dean, your aunts all like to shop and Buffy was excited that she'd have a boy to go with her who wouldn't stare at her when she tried on things."  Dean gave him a horrified look.  "She called you her future shopping buddy before you were born a number of times."

"I will *beg*, dude.  Please?" Dean pleaded.

Sam grinned.  "If you can tell her no."  John turned to laugh.  "Yeah, well, better than Xander."  A few other guys came in so he checked his watch.  "One hour until bed, Dean."

"Awww," he whined.

"No," he said, shaking his head.  "This is still a bar."  Dean nodded.

One of the guys that came in leered at Tara.  "New hunting partner, Sammy?  She's adorable."

Sam turned and punched him. "Leave Tara alone.  She's the godmother of my son."  He backed off, hands held up.  "Thank you."  He smiled at Tara, nodding upstairs.  She nodded, taking Dean with her no matter how much he complained.  "We'll see you in a bit, Tara."  He patted Dean on the head.  "Protect her."  Dean nodded, stopping his fussing.  He looked at Ellen once they were safely out of the way.  "Say it now, Ellen."

She squirted John then him.  "Huh.  I know I put holy water in there."

Sam smirked.  "I'm still me and he got sent back to his body by Rosenburg.  It happens now and then."  He looked at the hunters watching them.  "Yes, a witch brought him back by accident."

"That's a strong witch," one guy said.

"Scary too since she's not a guardian," John assured him.  "She also bakes cookies when she's sorry.  Wears fuzzy sweaters.  Can't swear either.  Did it in German the other night but can't do it in English."

Sam smirked.  "Her parents are psychologists."

"Even better.  No wonder she's screwed up."  He waved a hand.  "Any of them coming to be ours?"

"All of 'em," Ellen said with a grin.

"Cool," Sam said, grinning at them.  "Wanna talk about our hellmouth?"

"It's not real," one snorted.

"It's not that mythical," another said, staring at Sam.  "Why are you in Sunnydale?"

"I did a rite to save Dean and it knocked up Xander."

"Harris?"  Sam beamed and nodded.  "Well, we knew he screwed up things.  That was an impressive screw up through."  Sam lunged and the other guys tried to stop him but the poor guy ended up on the ground under Sam's choking hands.  He swatted and tried to get free but it wasn't going to work.

"I want to know why he was there," John said casually.

Sam stared down at him.  "Why were *you* there?"  He let up his pressure a bit, letting him gasp.  "Anytime now.  Dean's barely five and tougher than this."

"Init..." he croaked.

"Ah."  John hauled Sam off him then picked the boy up.  "I heard about that mess.  Come tell me how my military screwed up, son."  He walked him out back to talk to him, making the other guys shudder.

Sam grimaced.  "Well, if Dad kills him, it's not that big of a waste, huh?"  He looked at the other guys.  "Want nightly hunting of easier vampires, some harmful demons, learning which ones aren't harmful, and a chance at a nice blonde lady with super strength who shops?"  They gaped.

Dean cackled.  "Don't set them up with Buffy.  She's got high expectations.  A bit of danger, a bit of smutty throwing against the wall.  Nice enough for her mother to meet.  Has to put up with her friends."

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Sam asked him.

"Tara's fine and she's in bed," he said with a grin. "Not like I'm really a little kid, Sammy."

"Yeah," he snorted.  "Still my son until you're the proper age again, Dean."

John leaned in.  "Dean.  Bed.  Now."

"But..."  Sam pointed.  "You know, I have a better handle on what goes on nightly than  you guys do since I only have to watch you handle it.  Including how Spike's depressed and Xander realizes it but no one else does.  How Willow and Tara are fighting.  How Buffy's slowly being driven insane by them fighting."  He came over to look at them.  "Wasn't there another one?"

"He was Initiative," Sam told him.  "You forgot that Giles isn't really feeling totally useful at the moment because you don't seem to need him either."

"There is that too," Dean agreed.  "He's about to head home for a few weeks though."   They all looked clueless.  "The main hunter in town is what's called a slayer.  She has a watcher who teaches her, helps her train, that stuff.  She's got two witches and my new mom, Xander as well as Spike to help her."

"Shoo, I can tell them," Sam told him.

"Fine."  He went to help his father.  He even grinned.  "I heard my mother's name taken in vain?"  The guy stiffened and stared at him.  "You do know that you've seriously cranked the world order out there, right?  That she's had to help a lot of things heal and move on?  That they're still getting harmless demons who can't heal and are having to suicide from the pain and torture you gave them."

"Harmless?" he snorted.

"Yeah, you guys killed one of the ones that keeps the realms apart and the hellmouth shut," Dean agreed.  The guy gave him a look, sneering some.  "You also killed ones that filter smog, water, and dirt after oil spills.   Then again you guys managed to do something that will probably kill you."  He looked at his dad.  "They killed an infant, newborn infant, hellhound puppy.  One of the head bitches' pups.  They caught her in labor and brought her in then killed the pup in front of her."  John shuddered.  "An adult is fair game," Dean said at the new sneer. "A pup gets you ripped into by the pack."  He nodded behind him.  "And there's nothing anyone can do to save your ass."  The guy looked then screamed and backed away.

John stepped forward.  "Not here.  This is safe territory.  You want him, get him while he hunts."  Sam came out.  "Hellhound.  The idiot helped kill a puppy."

Dean made sucking noises, drawing attention.  He walked over to let it sniff him.  "He's going back to Sunnydale to pay for some of what he did.  You can't hunt him here, get him while he hunts.  If the pack comes here we have to take on the pack too.  We don't want that."  It sniffed him again, giving him a curious look.  "Yeah, I'm Xander's puppy.  Please?"  The hellhound lapped his face then growled at the guy before fading out again.  She'd watch for now.  Dean wiped his face off.  "Ewww."

Sam took him to the bathroom to wash it off.  The sulphur probably wasn't good for him.  "Hellhound puppies like Xander?"

"They respect Xander.  I know one younger one showed up to sniff Spike the other day.  Xander basically picked it up, let it sniff Spike, let it sniff him, then grinned and let it go outside so it could head off.  I asked, he said he didn't know why unless it was all the bitches he put up with monthly."

Sam laughed.  "That could be."  He finished the clean up job.  "Okay?"

"Pretty good actually.  You even got behind my ears."  He grinned.  "I want a niece."  He got down and headed out, smiling at Jo.  "Can I have a real soda?"  She got one from the fridge and handed it over.  "Thanks."  Tara took it from him and handed it back then carried him back up the stairs.  "But, Tara!"

"No.  Bedtime."

"I'm not...."

"Bedtime," she ordered.

"Yes, Auntie Tara," he sighed.  He curled up with her again, smiling because this time she held him to make sure he wouldn't leave.  "Why do hellhounds like Mom?"

"All the bitches he deals with every month," she said dryly.  "Willow said that one of them showed up in high school when they were all ragging on Xander.  They decided he was a lonely male pup without a mommy.  So they adopted him since he already had pack issues."

"Oh.  I guess that's kinda cool.  The one that showed up earlier sniffed then licked me."

"They'll like you too, Dean.  You're Xander's pup.  Though, a sister is going to be very strange."

Dean smirked.  "But fun to tease."  She pinched him.  "It's a big brother's right."

"You'd be an uncle."

"Only on one side."  She giggled.  "I know, I have that strange thought too."  He snuggled closer, hoping to get her to sleep so he could go back downstairs.  "What's Universal Studios like?"

She looked at him.  "You never went to an amusement park?"

"Some county fairs to investigate hauntings.  Once with Pastor Jim."

"Hmm.  It's a lot more active than a county fair and you don't have the exhibits.  The rides are more thrilling and safer.  Xander thought you'd like the roller coasters."  Dean grinned at that.  "He never took you?"

"Nah.  They're expensive."

She got up and went down there, going to swat John on the arm.  He gave her an odd look.  "You should have let those boys have more fun.  Not letting them go to amusement parks and things was mean!  Every kid, even yours, need fun to grow up right!"  She swatted him again then headed back upstairs.

"You know, if she wasn't dating a nice witch, she'd be a good mommy to your boys," Ellen joked from the safety of the bar.  Tara came down to give her a look, shaking her head quickly.  Sam laughed at the look on her face.  "You would."

"Sam's too big to baby.  If I go for boy parts some year and all that comes with it, I want babies, not grown up babies to make me a grandmother."  She went back up there, stopping Dean from sneaking off again.  "Oh no."

"Bathroom?"  She let him do that then escorted him back upstairs.  He waved, giving them a comical look.  "She's being fierce.  I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"He could stay, miss.  We've heard nice things about the Winchester boys," one offered politely.

Tara gave him a look.  "He's five.  It's nearly ten at night.  He needs to be in bed.  You can talk to him tomorrow."  She walked him back up there.

"Sure, we can do that."  He pointed once they were locked back in.  "She's cute but she hunts?"

"She's the lighter witch on the slayer's team," Sam said.  "She doesn't hunt often but she does help with the research and the support stuff.  She's hunted with us a few times," he said at John's look.  "Mostly a group outing."

"Tara's gentle.  I don't expect her to hunt nightly," John agreed.  "Not unless it's hurting the family or it's something huge and horrible."

"During the overrun of vampires she got a corner and a stake," Sam agreed.  "Is he going to live?"

"He'll be fine and he swears up and down that they're disbanded and done with except for the UN hunting squads."  Ellen stiffened.  "Military project to turn demons into hunters for the military," he told her.  She shuddered.  "The vampire they chipped in Sunnydale is helpful.  He's been around a while and he's good at helping the slayer out there.  He's even been teaching Dean some moves I never had."

"Chipped?" one of the new hunters asked.

"Control chip.  He can't hunt," Sam said.  "Let me amend that,; he can hunt demons but not humans.  He enjoys the hunting and fighting.  He'll gross you out.  He took added blood to Xander's cocoa while he was drinking it so he'd get it."  They all grimaced at that.  "Apparently when Xander was housing him he did it to his cereal a few times too.  Likes to tell Dean stories about what he's hunted in gory detail.  But he's a decent sort most of the time.  As long as it suits his needs to be.  I've seen him rip demons apart with his bare hands.  Oh, and he plays kitten poker."

"Which is still freaky," John assured him.

Sam gave him a look.  "If the freakiest thing you have to deal with all week is kitten poker, it's been a slow week in Sunnydale."

"Good point.  Do they have those sort of slow weeks?"

"Yeah, during the summers."  He smirked.  "Near the desert, gets really warm.  They flee for cooler areas."

"Charming."  He looked at the guys.  "It's not hard work.  We go out for a few hours a night.  We're basically getting the new minions and anything we can catch out hunting.  Right now they're having an apocalypse.  Something's calling up nightmares.  Xander didn't call him tonight."

"They talked earlier in the car.  The nightmares start to come up tonight."

"Oh.  Okay.  That's reasonable."  He looked around.  "We should probably hit the bed too.  We'll give you guys directions in the morning if you still want to go."  He tossed something down.  "Started a new journal so you guys could get a better feel for the area.  Don't take off with it."  They nodded so he went to get the sleeping bag, going to use it in front of the door.  Sam waved too and headed up to get the spare bed since his father didn't want it.  He grimaced, it was damp.  "Eww."

"Roof leaks," Tara said quietly.

"I'll tell Ellen tomorrow," John said with a small yawn.  "We made good time.  We used to be lucky when we got eight hours of driving done when you were that age, Sammy."

"Dean only wanted the one bathroom break and that was mainly because he had too much juice.  Let me get the other sleeping bag from the trunk."  Tara patted the free spot.  "You sure?"  She smiled and nodded.  "Okay.  I won't touch or anything, Tara."

"I know.  Xander would swat me if I had Anya desires for you."  Sam snickered, laying down on top of the covers on Dean's other side. Dean sniffed then flopped over to snuggle into his chest, one arm thrown around him.  Tara smiled, flipping in the other direction to sleep.

John laid down in front of the door, smiling at his family.  They were insane sometimes.  Especially Sammy.  Though he liked the new members his younger son had brought in.

***

Dean gaped at the park in front of him.  "That's a bigger coaster than I've ever seen."

Sam smirked at him.  "Let's hope you're big enough to go on it."  Dean growled.  "They have height requirements."  He handed the person  at the gate their tickets, getting let inside.  He pulled them out of the way.  "If we get separated and you can't find us, you're to meet us here," he said, pointing at the map next to them.  "Got it?"  Dean nodded. "No running off but if it happens."

"Got it," Dean agreed.  "No running off.  I'm not old enough to handle these things on my own yet."  Sam nodded, grinning at him.  "Come on, Tara."

"I...I can't do coasters," she said.

"So?  You'll watch while I ride," he said with a grin, dragging her off.

John and Sam grinned.  "I like this idea," Sam said once they were out of hearing range.  "Xander was right, he needed this sort of fun."  He walked after them, hoping not to lose them already.  Dean just *barely* squeaked in at height if he stood up very straight and didn't obviously stand on tiptoes once he had the lifts Xander had put into the bag in his shoes.  The ride operators all gave Sam look when he did it, getting a nod.  So they went on them together while Tara watched and did the gentler rides with them.  Their dad was smiling tolerantly but he didn't go on anything with them.  He kept two guys from trying to walk Dean off.  He kept a demon from trying to kill Tara.  He talked to the new hunter when he showed up early and found them while they waited in line for the log ride.

It was a good day.  Happy memories for when they were all tired.

***

Xander looked at the nightmare in front of him, frowning a bit.  "Aren't you Jess?"  She nodded slowly.  "Um, wrong person, sweetheart.  I'm Xander.  I'm dating Sam, but you're his nightmare, not mine."  She gave him an odd look.  "You are."   He woke up with a gasp, calling immediately.  That was stranger than usual.  "Buffy, me.  I got one of Sam's nightmares.  His former girlfriend, Buffy.  Yeah, nothing that should've hit me.  You?  Hair ribbons?"  She explained it.  "Call Willow, wake her up."  He hung up and got up to get dressed, looking at the apartment.  Then at the ceiling.  "I tell you what, I'm watching over our son, Jess.  Sam's at Universal Studios today.  If you don't burn the place, I'll see if I can do the medium thingy so you can talk to him if you want."  She appeared and nodded.  He grinned. "I'm Xander if you didn't know."

"Is he happy?"

Xander picked up a picture to show her, getting a sad smile.  "I do my best, Jess.  I really do.  Like I said, don't let anything burn and I'll gladly let you talk to him through me, okay?"  She nodded.  "I know the demon did it but you have power over it now.  It doesn't have to be a rerun for you."

"How?"

He smiled and moved closer, patting her on the cheek.  "Because you're stronger than it.  It tried for Sam and it lost.  Sam killed it."  She beamed.  "With Dean.  It's not really here and you are.  It's a figment and it can't control you unless you let it."  She nodded, relaxing some.  He saw a small flame start on the ceiling and muttered something to put it out.  She gave him a horrified look so he smirked.  "It's a handy spell because Willow uses fire spells on patrol.  Don't let the stuff burn.  Dean would be *way* pissed if it did.  He's the baby."  She stiffened her back, nodding some.  "Thank you.  We'll be back soon."  He grabbed a few weapons and his keys, heading out to the park.  He walked outside and it was like a pea soup fog.  "Wonderful," he said grimly.  "It happens twice a century and it's tonight."  He found his car and got into it, turning on the headlights so he could slowly drive that way.  He did check back at the building but he couldn't see a fire so he hoped it'd be okay.  He finally made it to the park and got out, walking cautiously that way.  He nearly staked Buffy, grabbing his chest.  "Buffy!"

"I have never seen fog like this here."

"Twice a century," Willow called.  They walked into the grotto and she looked around.  "At least nothing's going to be bothering us tonight."  A vampire rushed in but he was easily staked.  "Did you get a freaky one?" Willow asked.  "I got a brunette lady on a ceiling."

Xander stiffened.  "Sam's mom, Willow.  I got Jess."

"Huh, I got Lothos," Buffy said.  "How did they kill it?"

Xander sighed.  "Want to call and wake Sam?"

"No, we'll do it if we have to but not yet," she decided.  She turned at the clapping, looking at the older, pale, white haired vampire and his flunkie.  "Huh, you got uglier in real death.  Interesting."  She turned her back on them.  "Do we think it's the demon back again or is it this one?"

Xander shrugged.  "Sam said it was dead.  I don't know."

"This is a nightmare," Willow agreed.  The vampire cleared his throat.  "Oh, you can wait!" she snapped.  "God, rude much?"

"She once said that to me," Lothos said dryly, striding forward.  "You are still mine, Buffy."

Buffy turned and kicked him, driving him back.  "Yeah, right!  And eww, I know some vamps use product, I mean Angel does, but not in that helmet hair way!"

Xander looked at her.  "Are you regressing?"  She gave him a confused look.  "You haven't been that valley since you got here, Buff."

"Who're you?"

He looked at her then at Willow, who shrugged.  "Okay, had enough," he decided, pulling up his crossbow and shooting the flunky.  "I'm your backup, Buffy."

"You're a watcher?"

"Hell no and don't make me laugh, I'll have to pee.  Not a good time for it at the moment.  You wanna go with the stakage?"  He waved a hand.  "Or want the crossbow?"  Lothos hissed at him.  He waved a hand.  "Dude, toothpaste.  Please.  Even my son and his onion thing isn't *that* bad."  The vampire attacked him and he concentrated.  One of his nightmares was letting go of the possessions.  With this going on, it was time to hunt.  If this thing wanted nightmares, it was going to get one.  The crossbow was dropped and he snarled, attacking the demon in front of him.

"Whoa," Willow said.  "Not good!  Buffy, could use you back for real!  Damn it, really not good!"  She backed away from the huff Xander sent in her direction.  "No I'm not telling Sam your hyena came out!  Buffy, vampire, stakeage?"

"What's he?"

"Xander.  You like Xander.  Don't worry about Xander, just do the vamp."

She sighed and staked him from behind, shaking her head.  "Eww, I was an airhead again."  She rubbed her forehead.  "That was sad."  She smacked Xander on the side of the head.  "Get out of it!"  He yelped and tripped over his crossbow.  "Real grace," she said dryly.  Xander growled.  "Oooh, not a good."  Xander lunged and she knocked him down and out.  "Okay, Willow are *you* harboring any dark secrets you want to tell me about?"

"No," she said weakly.  "Not really.  I don't have nightmares about those things."

"I see."  Xander moaned.  "If you're still the hyena, stay down."  She looked at her friend again.  "Are you sure?"

"I don't have harmful nightmares.  I hardly ever have nightmares about more than failing expectations."

"Huh."  She shrugged.  "I get slayer dreams."  Xander stood up and stared at her.  She knew that stance.  John had it.  Sam had it.  Dean was regrowing into it.  "Hmm.  Soldier Xander.  Hi."

"Hi."  He gave her a look then looked around then back at her.  "What are we doing?"

"Waiting for the real demon to attack.  Can he do that normally?"

The soldier smirked.  "Don't know.  He hasn't tried, miss."  He picked up the crossbow and removed the broken bolt, replacing it efficiently and cocking it again.  "How long are we expecting?"

"Don't really know," Willow admitted.  "So, are you still PFC Harris?"

He snorted, shaking his head, giving her a smug look.  "Not in a while, ma'am."

"I'm not that old."

"It's a term of respect.  Nothing meant by it."

"Uh-huh.  How did you get a raise in rank if you're not real?"

"With education and experience come rank raises if you survive.  We all get them sometime."

"So you're what, Corporal?  Sergeant?"

"Corporal at the moment.  I'm expecting a rank raise in the next year."

"Do you have a problem with your other self dating Sam?"

"No, he's a fine man.  A good soldier and a fine man.  Cute too.  Military says I can't but some rules are made by stupid people.  That's not a rule I accept as being from a true leader.  If I want to bugger my boyfriend, I will."  He looked around then, herding Willow behind him.  "It's here."

"You can tell?" Buffy asked.  Xander nodded.  "How?"

"He can tell."

"He can feel the demon?"

"It's probing."  He blocked it out.  The demon appeared, glowing eyes, staring at him.  "What?  Am I that pretty?"

"You took what was mine."

Xander snorted.  "He wasn't yours.  After all, he knocked me up."  Buffy gasped.  "Yeah, he wants Sammy.  Not gonna happen but he wants Sammy.  So, how's death treating you?"

"I'll still have him."

Xander gave him a catty smirk.  "If you get through me and his Dad."

"I did in the past.  I will again."  It faded off.

"Miss Rosenburg?"

She started to chant something and the demon froze.   "The rules are different here, Mister."

"Welcome to my hellmouth," Buffy agreed.  The three attacked and Xander's hyena came back up, but tempered more this time.  "You know, Xander, he wants your pack badly."

"He can kiss my ass and all the pimples on it," he said.  "Nothing gets my cub or my mate."  He backhanded him into Buffy, who took him on, guarding Willow while she cast at it.  The demon screamed as whatever she did started to work.  It held up a hand and twitched his fingers but Xander moved to grab it and hold it, staring at him.  "No, you don't call Sam into this fight and you don't bother his sleep.  He doesn't get enough as is with the baby."  He broke the hand and then the demon's neck, letting Buffy finish him off with Willow helping.  He stared down at it, calmly pulling out his dick to piss on it.  "That's for touching my family."  It tried to regenerate, getting to the point of whimpering.

Willow stared then looked around.  "No way this is going on."  She floated him up, making the demon scream in pain.  "Good."  She took them to the hellmouth, burning the fog in front of them on the way.  Once they were at the ruins of the school she looked at the hole.  "Buffy, get ready.  Shouldn't take more than a second."

Xander looked at the spot then at her.  "You sure?  Could make him stronger."

"Won't.  The higher demons will eat him."

"Don't open that," Giles said, coming out of the darkness.  "If you do, it will make him stronger.  Capture him, Willow.  Entomb him."  Willow snorted.  He put down a small casket.  "Put him in here."  She did that by mauling his body more.  Giles poured in the potion they had been working on then sealed the casket, nailing it shut.  He handed it to her.  "Meld the edges together.  Make it whole and unbreakable."  She did that, then picked up some of the rubble to create a stone box around it.  He smiled and nodded, letting Xander take the small drill with scribing bit from his pocket to write a warning on it.  Willow came off her anger, giving him a smile.  "Your nightmare perhaps?"

"Maybe.  Usually I get naked in class ones."  She looked at Xander.  "Of course, he's not down yet."

"No, I do believe Xander and Sam were linked through the demon."  A blonde girl floated in and looked at Xander, then floated into him.  "Oh, dear."

"No, that's Jess," Buffy said quietly.  "She needs to talk to Sam to move on, Giles."

He nodded.  "Then we'll exorcize him again later on I suppose."

"How would his soldier gain rank if it's all in his head?" Willow asked.

Giles gave her an odd look.  "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, he said he's a Corporal now," Buffy told him.

"I have no earthly idea," Giles admitted.  They both shrugged and nodded.  They'd figure out the strangeness that was Xander some other night.  It was late and cool, good sleeping weather for Sunnydale.

***

Sam grabbed his head, stiffening as the vision woke him.  Only this time, it wasn't the same vision.  It was...stopped or blocked by something.  A hand.  He could feel a hand.

"Sammy?" Dean asked, coming over to look at him.  "Sammy, you okay?" he asked, giving him a small shake.  "Dad, this isn't a normal vision."

Tara came in and checked then smiled.  "Xander's stopping it.  It's him.  I can feel him."  Sam relaxed and closed his eyes.  "He's going into a trance," she said quietly, moving Dean to hold him for now.  "They'll be fine."

Dean looked at her.  "Why did our demon come back as someone up there's nightmare?" he asked.

"Because it wasn't Buffy's nightmares it was focused on, it was Xander or Sam's," John said, getting it.  "That's why he wanted Sammy out of town.  He knew Buffy's was a sign that the demon was back."  They all groaned.  "The nightmare creator must've pulled up that one by summoning whatever was left of his spirit."

"Trapped, sleeping," Sam mumbled.  "Willow."

Tara smiled into Dean's hair.  "She's good at that," she said into his ear.

"That's our fight," Dean told her.  "Dad and Sam's fight."

She poked him on the side.  "You're how old?"

He gave her a look.  "Oh, damn."  She nodded.  "The months for aging are lunar months instead of calendar months.  When am I six months old?"

"Yesterday.  Xander made sure I had what I needed to do a protection around you last night."

"Which I helped with," John admitted. "Just in case."  He patted Dean on the head, getting a look from him.  "Your new mom is a medium, kiddo."  Sam snickered and nodded but stayed in the trance, mumbling at someone.  He looked.  "He said her name."

"His last victim's name?  The demon had to call her up since it was a nightmare and related to you," Tara said.  "It couldn't make a new one without breaking out of the nightmare framework it was called into."

"Damn it we should still be there," Dean complained.  Sam woke with a gasp.  "You good?"

"Better," he said, holding his forehead.  "Have a headache though.  Dad, Xander's hyena said that it's not fair the soldier got a rank increase and she can't have more cubs."  He looked at him.  "How in the hell did his inner soldier get a rank increase?"

"I don't know, son.  I think we'll be researching.  Can we banish the spirits now?"

"No, they're bound to him," Sam said with a small grin.  "They're quietly watching.  She considers Dean her cub.  Wants more cubs.  She's not happy that the pack doesn't grow that well.  She adopted Tara into it."  He shook his head.  "His inner soldier is now a corporal."

John considered it.  "About on target.  A bit behind."

"He said he's expecting paperwork any day now."  He looked at them.  "Jess said she's not mad.  She said I had good taste and it was freaky we have Dean but at least this time he wasn't staring at her smurf."  Dean snickered.  "She likes Xander.  Said he's nice.  Even if he is a bit strange and the sort of geek that made her worry about world domination plans in the past."  He looked at Dean, taking him to cuddle.  "She left him cleanly and went back to her rest.  She's at peace."  John gave his shoulder a squeeze.  "Could there be a ghostly general or someone who's giving the spirit soldiers a rank increase?"

John shrugged.  "We'll see.  What about his possessions?"

"They're part of his soul, Dad.  He'll have them until he dies.  Though he admitted he went hyena on Lothos."

"Oh, good," he said dryly.

"Buffy went early Buffy and airhead," Sam told him.  Tara giggled.  "So we'll deal."  He looked at Dean.  "She agreed, the demon's sealed.  Doubly sealed with a warning etched on the stone outer casing.  The potion was applied since it was ours basically possessing the other one.   It made a bad mistake calling that one up to try to take over the world."

"Why the vision?" John asked.

"Because it did something and linked into my vision creation.  However it does that.  Xander stepped in to block it.  That's how I told him how we killed it.  Then he let Jess talk to me through him.  He really needs shields.  She said he's really open."

"I will sit both of you down to work on that when we get back," John said.  He yawned.  "Any more danger?"  Sam shook his head with a sappy grin.  "Good. Then let's go back to sleep.  Tara, you look adorable in your Pound Puppies jammies."  She blushed and fled.

"Dad!" Dean complained, swatting at him.  "Don't embarrass Tara!"  He went to apologize for him, which he was used to, then went to his pullout to sleep.  Sam was covered up again in the bedroom, he could see him.  Sam gave him a smirk and a nod, getting one back.  Yeah, it was fine up there.  Their family was good, and Sam would work out the freaky mind shit with Xander sometime soon.  It'd probably lead to more sex too.  Hopefully they wouldn't have to watch.

***

John sat Xander down when they got back, looking at him.  "We're going to work on a few things, kid."

Xander groaned.  "I know I need better shields.  It's not a matter of want or discipline, it's  a matter of they won't go up."

"We need to talk to the other sides anyway.  There's a few questions we need to ask," Dean said.  "Do you trust me?"  Xander nodded, pulling him over for a hug.  He had noticed that about Xander; when he was feeling insecure he tended to hug him or Sam.  A physical touchstone to his control.  "Would you let me hypnotize you?"

"You can do that?"

"I can.  Sam can, he's actually better than I am but we need to test a few things and Sammy doing it would mean you might link again.  We'd lose you to psychic sex."

Xander grinned.  "Sure.  We can do that."  He settled himself in front of the balcony's doors in the sun, getting comfortable.  "No clucking or barking.  Willow did that."

"Sure, no clucking or barking," Dean agreed.  "Can you drop into a trance for me?"  Xander gave him an odd look.  "Since you can, it'll be easier to access the right spots."

"We need to talk to them that badly?"

"Yeah, we need to find out how he's getting rank raises," Dean said, giving him a look.

"He is?"

"He's a corporal now," John told him.

"How in the hell?"

"We also wanted to know if they knew how it pulled up the family's demon," John said.

Xander smirked.  "In the second site's information Sam pulled up it mentioned that this one called upon lost demons for its power.  Always linked back to the victims.  Always a more powerful spirit.  We didn't have any of those for it to call up after the first nightmare demon failed to be very strong.  I figured it was a logical, reasonable action it might take.  Sam only skimmed that one for the potion, not the details."

"That's a sound tactical thought," John agreed.  "Do what the kid wants.  I want to talk to the hyena, make sure she's not going to eat my boys."

"No, she's adopted them."  He went down anyway.  He had to make sure they were fenced back in.

Dean got up and went to get the thing he had 'borrowed' off Buffy, her crayon-like lip pencil.  He sat down and checked Xander again.  "All the way down, Mom."  Xander went deeper into his trance, letting Dean draw on his forehead.  A mystical symbol for a seer.  Sam had told him Xander had the gift but it was unawakened.  Then his throat, ringing it with the same symbol and a 'buckle' at the back but he left that one unsealed so the hyena wouldn't feel chained.  Then around his wrists, the same sort of shackles.  "Now, listen to my voice, Xander.  I need to speak to your hyena and I want you to go away like we're talking about birthday presents.  All right?"  Xander hummed and he could almost feel the switch.  It was like the hairs on his arms were standing up.  "Ma'am?"

Xander blinked at him.  "There was no need to collar me."

"I had to make sure you wouldn't eat Dad."  He nodded at him.  "Can you make sure he can't hear us?"

She closed her eyes. "Put the young to sleep," she mumbled.  She smiled and opened them again, taking the pencil to draw on him.  "What did we need to talk about, cub?"

"Are you safe?" Dean asked.

She laughed.  "Very safe, cub.  We are part of him even if he thinks he does have us chained to his soul.  We are as much a part of him as his mate is and you are."  She drew a third symbol on his forehead then looked, adding a few dots between them.  She took his shirt off him and turned him around, starting again on the back of his neck.  "What else did we need to talk about?"

"Are you still helping him?"

"All that I can.  No good pack leader ever lets her cub and mate go where she can't protect them."  She drew another symbol, moving down to his shoulders to draw, smoothing a hand over his back when he shivered.  "Easy, cub.  You know we would not hurt you."

"There are some who wouldn't say that."

"She refused to join the pack as a hunter for it.  She could have protected the pack and helped me guard it but she chose to hunt for another pack.  It was only right that I try to drive her off when she fought my dominance moves."  Dean hummed.  "As for now, our mate suits us."

"Are you sure?" Dean asked.

"He is a mighty hunter for the pack.  He protects the pack and the cub."

Dean looked back at her.  "What about future cubs?"

She hmmed, smiling at him.  "It is only natural to have more cubs.   We would all like that some day."

"Do you think Xander would like it if we picked a region to protect?  It would give Sammy and I some traveling now and then but not always.  I could do a lot more then come back home, where you'd be."

"I think he would adore it.  I don't think he thinks it's practical.  There's too much area to cover and you used to enjoy the travel."

"By the time I'm my right age, I'll be nearly twenty-eight," Dean pointed out.  "Time to settle down to make my own pack."  She hummed again.  "Would that suit your nature as well?"

"As long as the pack was protected and we had good hunting grounds.  Good places to provide for the cubs.  Even when they are grown, they're still of the pack.  Even future daughters who will eventually take the pack from me."

"Will there be daughters?" Dean asked with a grin.  She nuzzled his hair before going back to drawing.  "Would you want daughters?"

"Someone's got to watch for my stupid mate when I'm old and unable to move from too much hunting.  He does things that will hurt him," she said quietly.  She finished up her drawing, smiling at it.  "There, a story told to the young."

Dean turned around to hug her.  "If we left to set up the new pack lands, would you hold him steady until we could come back?"  She nodded, staring at him.  "Then that's what we'll do when I'm of age to hunt for the pack myself."

She smiled.  "You are a mighty hunter in your own right.  Someday your pack leader will have you hunt for her and your own cubs.  As it should be."

"We'd be a joined pack," Dean promised.  "My mate and your mate, me and you, any cubs we had."  She beamed and kissed him on the top of the head.   "Thank you."

"You are welcome.  Do you want the other one back?"

"No, we need to talk to the soldier," John said.  "We had a few questions for him as well."  She nodded and Xander's stance and how he was holding himself changed.  The hyena was slightly slumped in on herself.  Not cowering but comfortable yet protecting her vulnerable chest area.  This one was a bit more uptight.  "Corporal."

He looked at him.  "Sir.  Branch, sir?"

"Marines, son.  At ease.  We need to ask a few things.  Make sure Xander still can't hear."

"She's purring a lullaby into his ear.  What do we need to know, sir?"

"Who gives rank raises?"

He chuckled.  "You didn't like the answer I gave the dangerous one who wasn't having a nightmare?"

"Not really.  I know how the rank system works, kid.  Who?"

"There's a former general who watches over all us hunters, sir.  Those of us on this side at least.  He gives them and medals out."

"You have a few?"

"If he dies anytime soon, he'll be here helping this one."  He looked at Dean.  "Hmm.  Red.  Not always a good color."  He got up and got something from Xander's closet, brining down the small zippered bag.   He looked at Dean's forehead.  "Lip pencils smear and our handwriting has never been that great.  An artist we are not."  He pulled out an eye pencil.  "These don't smear as fast."  He traced a few things on Dean's forehead, following a few patterns and adding another symbol, then horns to his temples.  He turned him around, smiling at the picture.  "Ah, that's what she saw last time."  He got to work at the bottom of his back, working on something else.  "As of right now, the General is in St. Louis with a hunter named Merrical.  She's a good hunter, sir, but she needs the help.  She jumped in like you jumped in."  He looked at him.  "By the way, he's pleased and you'll probably be one of us some day."

"Are you going to be called out to help protect?" Dean asked.  "Like calling up the National Guard?"

"It's possible, cub."  He gave him a hug around the arms.  "You're as much my cub as hers.  Remember that."  He turned him around and got to work on his chest, drawing faster now.  "Your plans for claiming a territory?  That would suit us."

"Then you don't like that they're not married?" Dean asked him.

"Doesn't seem right.  He's her mate so that makes him mine.  He's a good helper for us.  He understands the young one's quirky nature most of the time.  He has his fears and Xander has his own, but they can be overcome with time.  I would not leave and then come back.  Not even we can hold him totally whole," he told Dean.

"The uniform that let you into his life, whose was it?" Dean asked.

"His.  I'm still him, cub, just a portion of his soul.  Ethan split us off a bit, that's all.  Oh, shields are great, but the energy around here keeps him from being able to put one up and keep it up.  He can put one up for emergencies but it gives him a headache since he's been sucking on the hellmouth's energy too long.  Before he was even born.  Most women leave the area when they're pregnant.  Their doctors encourage it.  His didn't."  He picked up a different pencil, staring at him, making a small mark on Dean's side this time.  Plus a few blood drops.  He made a few other 'cuts' then turned him around to mark some others.  He put a 'bite mark' on his neck and added some blood to it but smudged it with his thumb.  "That will heal fastest," he whispered in his ear, getting a nod.  He turned him around.  "You're my son, even if you're not fully mine, cub.  No matter who tells you what, you must remember that.  It's important."

"The hellhound knew I was your puppy," he said with a small grin.

Xander grinned back.  "You are indeed.  But there's other things to being my puppy than that.  That's a scent marking.  Sam carries it and so do Buffy and Tara. Willow won't let me hug her since we had the kissing thing in high school."  He picked up another pencil, using it to highlight Dean's eyes.  He held his head still, looking into the green orbs.  "You'll understand why soon, cub.  Let me.  It'll tell you why you needed the others," he whispered.  He went back to doing his eyes, smudging the lines a bit so they looked softer.  Then a lip pencil.  Dean grimaced.  "It's important that you remember you're not only a Winchester but a Harris now.  Even though not all of us are good, you are still one of us by birth, by carrying, and by taint.  The last generation sucked, to be blunt, but the ones before were interesting.  The boy knows some, he doesn't really care though. The taint of the last generation goes too deeply in him.  In you, it might not."  He finished doing his lips then got out the lipstick, doing them gently.  Then he smudged some color with his thumbs over his cheeks, looking at him.  He kissed him over the main marking on his forehead.  "You are mine.  Remember that, no matter who tells you otherwise."

"Yes, Mom."

He smiled.  "I'll take that from you and any future cubs but if your brother calls me Ma again I get to smack him upside his pointy head."  He winked.  "Now, go be beautiful in the bathroom and be careful.  You'll need those."  Dean got up.  He looked at John.  "That was an interesting question he asked.  I haven't been told if we can be called into service if we're needed, but it would only be something that none of the hunters, even together, could handle.  Then we might take over and add our strength to those we protect."

"Are all of them like you?" John asked.

"Nah.  Some are like you will be when you go.  Some will be like my cub when he goes some year, hopefully far in the future.  Sam and I will end up with the same pair as far as I know.  The General can't separate *bonded* pairs."  He grinned.  "I should get back.  He'll get nervous.  Remember, he's strong but it's built on a fragile core that they gave him."  John nodded.  "Though he doesn't hate you like you think, John."  He flowed to his feet and you could see the hyena was back.  "You're from another pack.  Your pack's bitch died and you did your best to raise the boys until another pack could take them in.  The pack will let you help even if you're not a fully bonded member.  A good pack can't ever have enough protectors, especially when your pack's lands are so dangerous and full of things that think you're lunch.  Are the other hunters hitting LA?"

"They mostly decided to stay between here and LA," Dean agreed as he came out of the bathroom.  Xander ran his hand through Dean's hair for him, smiling at the grin he got back.  "I'm going to set the pack's lands as Sunnydale to Palo Alto.  Would that work for you?"

"That would work for us and Sam would be overjoyed to be back there again," Xander said softly.  Dean grinned a softer grin.  "That's my good cub.  Do be careful of the one you look like."  She faded and Xander shook himself.  He stared at Dean.  "Um...."

"We talked and they drew.  We both drew," Dean said.

John pulled Dean over, looking at his forehead.  "I think someone needs to see and chronicle these."  He looked at his back.  "This one's....  Looks like a creation myth?"  He called Giles.  "It's John.  Come to the boy's place and bring a camera and Sammy?  Thanks."  He hung up.  He looked at his face again.  "Hmm."

"I think the face painting was related to the injuries I drew," Xander said.  Dean nodded.  "What's the rest?  I am not the best artist ever."

"Why do you have makeup?" Dean asked.

"Cordelia's back up kit.  Where did you get a lip pencil?  She doesn't use that sort."

"Buffy said she hated it and it was the wrong color."

"Oh."  He nodded at that.  "That'll work.  What are these?"

"Mystical symbols designed to help us contain you if you lunged at one of us," Dean admitted.  "I left the buckle open because I knew you wouldn't hurt me but you could've went after Dad."  Sam stormed in.  "Whoa!"  Sam blinked at him.  "We had a nice talk.  They decided to do some art practice."

"I can see that.  When did we get makeup?"

"Cordelia's backup kit," Xander said dryly.  "Though I did a fantastic job on his face."

"You did," Sam said with a smirk.  "As pretty as any beauty pageant princess, Dean."

"Shut up, bitch."

"Awww, the little princess jerk is annoyed," Sam taunted back.  Dean gave him a dirty look and opened his mouth until Xander intervened.

"Boys, headache, me," Xander said firmly.  "Let's figure out what I drew and why first."

"Sure," Sam agreed.  Giles came in with the camera and Sam took it, taking close up shots and a bit more distant shots.  He made sure he got each and every symbol plus the whole story.  "What order did they go in?"

"Forehead, back, switched to the soldier and he did the eye pencil instead of the rest of the lip pencil I used," Dean said.  "He finished my back, did my chest and stomach, then did the injury ones.  Then he did my face and told me to watch out for the one I looked like."

Spike rushed in and tossed the smoking blanket off, patting himself down.  "Hate doing that.  Sewer's too far away."  He looked at Dean and gaped.  "She's back again?"  Dean gave him a horrified look, running to look in the mirror.

"I'll be damned, he does kinda look like Dru," Xander said, following him.  "Huh."  He led Dean back to the living room. "Sorry about the quality.  Old cosmetics and I'm not the best draw-er."

"That's fine," Sam promised with a grin, taking a kiss.  "Get me a drink while I look these up?"  Xander nodded, letting Sam have the table and his laptop to research while he made snacks and drinks.

Spike pulled Dean over.  "He did a good job with your face," he taunted with a smirk.

"Too many girls around him warped him that way," he shot back.  Spike chuckled and nodded.  "Do you recognize any of it?"

"Forehead are tribal of some sort."

"Marks that are given to hunters as they come of age," Sam said.  "The horns denote the Wiccan's Hunter God.  The one in the center is a marking from one of the African Plain's tribes that they use to mark their boys when they come of age to hunt."   He looked at Dean.  "You're still not old enough yet."

"His last life he killed his first demon at seven," Xander reminded him quietly from the stove.

"Good point. You just turned six...  So this would be a coming of age, even though you're...  Well, I guess you could call you an apprentice hunter at the moment.  A boy learning the proper manhood ways."  Dean nodded that was fine.  "One was a Norse symbol that Vikings used on tombs to show that a man was a hunter for the village.  Not the ones who went to raid and conquer but the ones who went into the woods to keep the village fed and protected from things like wolves."  He looked at the last one.  "And that's what that one is.  It's another mark, but this time ancient Chinese.  Xander, your art skills really do suck," he teased.

"Greasy skin today," Dean told him, looking over his arm.  "Like food hunter or like protection hunter?"

"Back then, hunters were hunters," Giles told him.   "Those who hunted food also killed any dangers that came near their people."

"Which I do," Dean agreed.  "Even if the only food I hunt comes in a box."

"Now, the back of your neck and back, the original in the same fetching shade as Xander is wearing," Giles said, pulling him closer to look at some of it.  "Is a creation myth but not quite."

Sam looked up the later images of that one.  "No, those... that's a battle."

"Many creation myths hold a battle," Giles reminded him.

Sam showed him.  "It's an echo."  Dean gaped.  They both looked at Xander, who shrugged but didn't look back at them.  "You're not a seer, right?"  He knew what he meant but he wasn't sure Xander knew he had the gift.

"No but you could've passed some of that over to me when the demon linked us," Xander said, flipping whatever he was frying.  "John, if you're going to thaw those rabbits, they stink.  Deal with them today," he ordered.  John got them from the fridge and went to skin them on the balcony, getting the interest of the cat for a few minutes then she came back to watch Dean.  He glanced back at Giles.  "The red was which one?"

"The hyena spirit," Dean said helpfully.

Xander shrugged.  "As far as I know neither one have special gifts.  My only one is to get possessed now and then."  He went back to his frying.  "Yes, Dean, you do have to eat the fried stuff this time, then you can have burgers for dinner from the Double Meat Palace if you want."

"Can we drive to the mall and get good ones?" Dean asked.

"If we both get clean by then," Xander agreed.

"Thanks. Didn't want the food poisoning."  He looked back at Giles.  "Is it something that will echo now?"

Sam went back to looking.  "It's ... ancients coming back to protect mankind basically.  I'll go more in-depth on that story later.  The new ones aren't a creation myth.  The first darker mark on his back is ...  A field?"

Giles looked then nodded.  "It is."  He looked at them then turned Dean around to go over his chest.  "It's a prophecy."

"Wouldn't an echo be one too?" Dean asked.

"Yes but this one is specific to you, Dean.  Here's the same mark as the main one on your forehead."  He led Dean into the bathroom so he could see it for himself.

"That's just freaky," he decided.  He stared.  "A fight?"

"It covers more than one year I would assume since it starts with you at this age."  He looked at his back again. "Here, a fertile field, often used to show an open mind as well.  Moving onto one that shows training warriors, and then weapons.  If you move to the right again you find a book but it's slightly out of line with those so if you move down instead you..."  Xander came in and looked then drew lines with a blue eye liner pencil, handing it to Giles when he was done.  "Ah, that makes more sense.  Like most prophecies it was jumbled a bit.  We have training, we have weapons, then we have a demon hunting god it looks like, then the book, then we move to the front and we see...  Let's see, we see sisters.  We see danger directly before the hunter's mark."

"So right before I'm sixteen I'm in danger?"

"Apparently and since that seems to link back to the makeup job, and you look like Druscilla, I would say it was her making good on her threat to turn you."  He kept tracing the marks.  "Then we have a few more fights, a..."  He smiled.  "It looks like a baby hunter's symbol if I'm not mistaken with his bad handwriting.  Then two more but they have dots.  Perhaps one of one gender and two of the other?"

"Or three babies but only two are hunters?" Sam offered.  "The dots don't correspond to anything I've seen.  And that could be far in the future with the way he put water in there to show moving time."  Dean looked again then nodded.  "Then I see ... looks like a tombstone?"

"A death would be a natural occurrence in any life," Giles said quietly.  "It might not mean one of ours."

"By then you'll be ancient and so will Mom," Dean said quietly.

"Probably true."  He moved on.  "Ah, here.  Bells?  Wedding perhaps?  Then two linked rings.  Yes, I do believe that's a marriage."

"Or a bonding.  He stressed *bonding* about the sprit that's a general over the other spirit soldiers, guardians, or whatevers.  He said the general couldn't separate a *bonded* pair.  Not a married one and he stressed bonded, Sammy."

"If we married we'd be mated," Sam said quietly, glancing back at Xander.  Then smiling at him.  "I saw your ideas."  Dean arched an eyebrow up.  "I can agree to that."  Dean smirked and nodded.  "So maybe whoever you have the kids with isn't who you're supposed to be with?"

"Perhaps or it could be her death that leads to the bonding," Giles admitted.  "We'll have to wait to see for that one.  It's left there except for this mark on his side.  Infinity after some more water.  I'd say that's the end on this plane."

"The soldier said I might end up being a hunter on that side too," Dean admitted quietly.  "He said I'd be a different sort than Dad though."

"In that area, whatever you're called to do will depend on your soul and your needs," Giles said gently.  "Now, the cuts are a bit disturbing.  And if they relate to the facial makeup and that leads to Druscilla, then that could mean that ...."

He looked at them.  "I'm going to be tortured and bitten but he said the neck bite would heal faster."  He looked at them.  "So before I'm allowed to hunt...."

"She's coming back to make good on the promise," Sam finished.  "We can plan for that."  That got a nod.  "Any other revelations, Giles?"

"The number of hunter's marks does indicate a reason."

"Norse is Anya," Xander said as he came in, looking at it.  "Mine.  Tara's or maybe Willow's.  I'm not sure about the Chinese though."

Dean stiffened.  "Those who I protect.  Anya's pretty helpless in a lot of ways.  If I'm marked to her people...."

"You're probably going to end up protecting her," Sam agreed.  "Marking to the Wiccan pantheon because you protect Tara.  We all protect Tara.  Xander's is the strongest."

"The soldier reminded Dean a few times he wasn't just a Winchester anymore, he was a Harris too, by blood, by carrying, and by taint he said.  He said that the last generation sucked but further back there was something going on," John said from the balcony.

"Not a clue," Xander admitted.  "I tried to do a family tree once for a project we had to do.  I got to the grandparents and my mother didn't remember any more than that.  I tape recorded it for the teacher so I wouldn't get into trouble when she yelled at me.  She decided to pass me for it since no one knew."  He shrugged.  "Not that it matters to me."

"It could be where you get the skills to be possessed," Giles offered.

Xander shrugged again.  "Even if that's the reason my parents drank, does it really matter?  We know I've sucked up hellmouth energy for so long I might as well be part of it.  That could be why or could be what he was talking about, especially the tainted part."

Giles nodded. "That could be.  While you were carrying him he would've merged with your natural energy.  We'll have to see what happens when you hit puberty again."

"A lot of pouting," John joked.  "A lot of sulking, a few zits on his back and in his hair, and then he hit another growth spurt and started to notice girls."

"Which annoyed the crap out of me because he'd be hiding in the bathroom for *hours*," Sam complained.  "And leave me to watch crappy motel room cable while he spanked."  He walked Xander back out, kissing him.  "It's nothing bad."  Xander grinned.  "Want me to do a family tree?"

He snorted.  "Like I care.  Even if we do have more kids, who said it's going to matter?"

"Good point," Sam said, smiling at him, stroking his cheek.  "What's for food?"

"Fried squash, some fried potatoes, and then some juice."  He took a kiss.  "Pizza's in the oven."  Sam beamed, going over to dish up food for everyone.  He looked at Dean.  "Sorry I went freaky."

"Not an issue," he promised.  "It's nothing bad.  It's good to be warned."

"Giles, could the creation myth be what the soldier was talking about?" Sam asked.  He handed Dean a plate and pointed at the table.  Dean went to eat.  "You can shower later, once we're sure we got everything."  Dean nodded.

"We asked if they might be called up like the National Guard.  He didn't get an answer but he said if it was, it'd have to be something so huge that all the hunters together couldn't handle it.  Then those who helped could give whoever they protected or helped their skills," John offered.

Giles moved to look at Dean's back again.  "It is one with the ancients coming down to aid mankind."

"If that's an echo then we're looking at a replay of that creation myth somehow," Sam said thoughtfully.  "Can we tell which one?"

"Not right off.  I'll need to dig into a few books.  Make sure we get pictures with the linking marks, Sam."  Sam nodded, taking Dean to take pictures of those too.  "Bring the pictures and your laptop with you tonight, we'll see what we can find," Giles promised, smiling and patting Dean on the head.

"You do know that you've taught me a lot, right?" Dean asked.  Giles beamed at him and left.

Xander looked back at him once he heard Giles' old car start and pull off.  "Thank you.  He needed to hear that."

"I know.  He has."  He sat down and dug back into his dinner.  "When did you learn to fry squash?"

"Willow's mother taught me.  I don't do it often but now and then I like it."  He sat down to eat, looking at his son.  "Once Sam makes sure all the pictures are good you can take first shower."

"You go ahead, Xander.  That'll take me a few minutes."

"He uses more hot water than I do."

Sam smirked at him.  "If you do I might get distracted."

"Another good reason for me to take it later," he said dryly.  Sam took a kiss then went back to his dinner and searching on his laptop.  He looked at Dean and shrugged.  "I don't know.  I'm not that sort of geek.  Do you want a party for this coming of age thing?"  He ate a bite.

"I'm not a birthday party sort," Dean said.

"Me either but if you wanted one I'd get you one."

Dean grinned.  "That's cool.  We'll have ice cream cake instead or something.  The girls will appreciate that."  Xander nodded.  "We can stop at that place when we get the burgers.  Get something they've got done already."

"Greedy," John teased.

"Well, I am a growing boy," Dean said dryly, finishing up and scraping his plate.  Xander nodded at the kitchen so he went to get more.

"I swear, son. You were a bottomless pit from the age of seven until the age of seventeen," John complained.

Sam looked up.  "He never stopped, he only pretended to when you were looking."  He went back to searching while Dean laughed.

"So am I and I don't even have the growing boy excuse," Xander admitted.  "Then again, Buffy and I have cleaned out the chinese place before."  He ate his last bite and went to put his plate into the sink.  He noticed the last few pieces of fried cheese.  "Didn't want them?"

"Figured you did," he said, sounding a bit defensive.  Xander grinned, giving him one of the three and walking off with the other two to take a shower.  Sam gave him a look over the edge of the laptop.  "Now and then he makes me feel mushy, okay?  I still don't like chick moments."

"Fine," he agreed.  "You itch?"

"Yup.  Can you check the pictures?"

"I am."  He went back to it and got a flash for the camera to take another series of them, plus noting down their meanings and what they thought was going on.  He had a nice presentation by the time he was done fussing.  Dean got to take his shower and Sam watched Xander walk across the apartment in only a towel, head tipped slightly to the side.  His father gave him a nudge.  Sam grinned.  "It can wait."

"It'll take us weeks to research that, son.  Go."  Sam got another nudge and he shook his head.  "Now.  Unless you're scared of him?"  Sam got up and went to pounce Xander into the bed, kicking the door shut.  John smirked.  Dean came out in a towel around his waist.  "Clothes."

"I am."  He went to put on his current favorite outfit but the jeans were too tight.  The next size up were too tight in the waist and too long in the leg.  "I hated this growth spurt," he complained.  The next size up fit him but the legs were nearly twice as long as his were presently.

"They'll catch up in a few weeks," his father reminded him.  "Roll them up."  Dean sighed but did that.  "Those really are too long," he laughed.

"Yeah, just a bit."  He put on socks and then his sneakers.  "We should let them have some fun while we figure out if we're staying here or not."

"Let Sammy make that decision."

Dean nodded.  "That'll work."  They grabbed the laptop, Dean shutting it down properly after making sure whatever Sam was working on was saved.  "Power point?  Geek," he muttered.  He shook his head, walking off with it under his arm.  "Heading to the Magic Box with Dad.  Join us when you're done," he yelled right before slamming the door.

Sam grinned at Xander, going back to cuddling him.  He had wanted a cuddle.  "They don't scare me, Xander," he promised, kissing his neck.  Xander shivered.  "They don't.  They never have.  Not since I heard about them.  I've been possessed too.  I turned into Evil Sam but I was."  Xander grinned.  "Yours are way more helpful than mine was."  Xander snuggled in, getting comfortable with him.  He nuzzled his head, thinking about marriages versus bondings.  "She said we were bonded," he whispered in his boy's ear.  Xander shivered again.  "I want to do it officially."

"That's like a marriage, Sam, and Dean will still want to travel.  You guys did a lot of good work traveling that way.  I'm not going to stop you from doing that."  He stroked through his hair.  "Our son isn't the only one who needs a haircut."

"We can all go together," Sam promised with a grin.  He gave him a kiss.  "Think they've fed him cookies by now?"

"Yup."

Sam grinned.  "Want a cookie?"

"Are you using sexual teasing or asking me honestly if I want sweets?" he asked. "Usually you hate it when Dean and I both get hyper."

"Well, yeah, but if you two wanted to go to the park and be hyper you could do that.  It's a pretty day."  Xander beamed and kissed him, getting up to put on clothes.  "Xander, no going commando," he said patiently.  "Only I get to look at you like that."

"You're the one who ripped my last pair of boxers."  He skipped off to grab his shoes and socks, heading over to the Magic Box.  He picked his son up and carried him off, taking him to the bakery.  Dean gave him an awed look.  "I got told we could be hyper in the park because it was a pretty day and the research nerds needed the time to work."  Dean cackled and they each got their favorite sugary treat then went to play and run in the park until they were tired.

John gave Sam a look when he came in.  "You made Tara pout."

"Xander needed a day of getting hyper in the park.  Dean's good at helping him with that."  He shrugged.  "Sorry, Tara."  She fed him a cookie.  He nibbled.  "I like this recipe.  He'll love it since it's got his M&M's in it."  He kissed her on the head.  "Did you get to see the artwork Xander and Dean did?"

"I did," she teased.  "They're cute."

"Very cute," he agreed.

"Dean drew containing marks with Buffy's lipstick crayon thing and then Xander pulled out an old makeup kit and got to work decorating Dean," John told her.  "Very cute.  Kept calling him his cub."

"Awww," she sighed.

"She agreed, we have to have a daughter to take over the pack someday."  Tara giggled.  "I'm still wondering why the Chinese hunter's symbol."

"It was also associated with the village protector or headman, the one that others went to for problems," Giles told him.

"Oh!"  He nodded.  "Gotcha.  That does fit Dean and when he's older he's going to be a reference source, like Bobby is."  He finished the cookie.  "Do we think he'll want to stay in Sunnydale or will he want to move a bit out of town to be safer?" he asked them.

"That would depend on if Buffy and Willow live," she said quietly.

"Good point," he said, sitting down across from her.  "Think he'd want to live somewhere on the other side of town, away from the hellmouth?  Closer to where we live now?  Slightly out of town?  Closer to downtown?"

"Cordelia's old house is up for sale," Giles teased.  "Tax sale even."

"She'd freak," Sam said dryly.  "Then she'd come up here to hit him.  Even though he did say that Anya told him torture showed love."  Tara giggled.  "Yeah, exactly."  He smirked at her.  "Help me find somewhere?"

"Of course."  She patted him on the wrist.  "I like the place closer to the state forest.  It's a nice little set of houses.  I know they're both empty.  Plenty of roaming room too.  Especially for little kids."

Sam beamed.  "I do like that idea.  Thanks, Tara."  He gave her a kiss and went to grab the Impala and head out there.  He smiled at the nice area.  It was pretty isolated.  The house on the left was perfect as far as he was concerned.  A lot of light in some areas and smaller windows in the bedrooms.  He looked at the other one.  It looked a bit like their old house, the one that burned when they were kids.  Dean would probably love that one.  He looked around.  They were a good mile from the hellmouth itself and half a mile from the store.  Not too far to walk.  Or run in an emergency.  The woods were nice.  They were on the other side of the college so they wouldn't have to deal with idiot frat boys in the woods or anything.  Maybe some of the Wiccans coming out to do rites.  He smiled at someone coming out of a house.  "Just looking, ma'am."

"Technically both houses are up for sale," she said.  "Are you new in town?"

He grinned.  "Sam Winchester, Xander Harris' boy."  He shook her hand when she grinned.  Xander was generally viewed as a troubled boy but nice enough by the older ladies in the town.  "Are you renting it?"

"For now.  My husband's teaching at the college.  We'll be leaving this spring."

Sam grinned.  "Who's got the lease?  That's about when we'd be looking to move, next fall really."

"The realtor in town has it.  Margaret....  Oh, what was her last name?"

"I know her.  Two up from the donut shop?"  She smiled and nodded.  "I'll talk to her then.  Thank you.  Have you had any problems?"

"Now and then we have one or two with the roof.  The one across the road has something that bangs around now and then."  She shrugged.  "It happens."  He beamed and nodded, giving her a quick squeeze before heading to the car.  She smiled.  "Such a nice boy.  He clearly calms that poor Xander down and makes him better."  She went back to her sorting.  She didn't really like the town and if her husband wasn't leaving she was this spring.  He couldn't cook, do laundry, or clean so he'd follow or else he'd starve to death in the middle of a pile of filth and dirty clothes.

Sam pulled into the park's parking lot, watching his boys chase each other around.  Dean was showing he knew how to chase and how to cut people off.  It was training, only fun training.  He got out and snuck up behind Dean, picking him up to tickle him.  Dean flipped him and snickered, running off again.  Xander helped him up and chased him back, tagging him before taking off.  Dean had to cut him off to catch him since Xander was bigger and stronger.  Also sneakier because he dodged when Dean tried.  Dean was getting frustrated this time but he gauged it and pounced, knocking Xander down.  "Good job," Sam called.

"Thanks," Dean called, staring down at Xander.  "Do I win another donut?"

"They're in the bag and you left them by the swings."  Dean got up and ran to get them before some other kid stole them on him.  Xander got helped up by Sam.  "You look happy.  The stuff mean good things?"

"I went to look at somewhere bigger."

Xander looked at him.  "As much as I love you I don't think I could take your dad living with us, Sam."

Sam grinned.  "I meant for later on, when I finally wear you down."  Xander blushed.  "Would you want to stay in town?" he asked gently.

"That...."

"I know, it would depend on Buffy and Willow surviving."  He nodded at Dean, who ran for the car.  He walked Xander that way.  "Into the back, Dean."  Dean got into the back with his donut.  He let Xander sit in the front and got in to drive them out there, watching how Xander reacted.  "It's only about a mile to the hellmouth and half a mile to the store."

"If you go through the woods," Xander said.  "Pretty houses though."

"The one on the right is haunted.  The one on the left will be open this spring."

Xander looked at him.  "Do we need somewhere this big?"

"If I'm getting siblings, yeah," Dean pointed out.  He finished his donut and licked his fingers.  "Too far out, Sammy, even though it's perfect for us.  Is it past the range of the hellmouth?  You never see ghosts in town."

"I asked Giles.  He said he thinks the hellmouth drives them off almost immediately.  So this is outside the radius of the power leak."  He looked at Xander.  "Want closer in?"

"Why?"

"Because, dumbass," Dean said, leaning forward.  Xander gave him a look.  "What? You're being one and hurting Sammy.  Only I get to do that.  I told you that."  He gave him a look.  "As dad put it, there's a great tradition of picking an area and protecting it.  More than a single town.  Less than the whole state.  That way I get to travel when I want to.  Sammy can come with me if he wants to or he can stay home and baby you.  You can come with us if you wanted or not.  Depending on if I have siblings because a baby seat in the Impala is just strange."

"It held ours," Sam reminded him.

"Oh, I remember thinking it was strange seeing yours in here.  Dad agreed with me.  The Impala is too much of a muscle car to be a family car.  You guys can have your own."  Sam laughed at that.  Xander shook his head.  "The Impala's *my* car," he told Xander.  "Has been since I was little, is still now.  That's why Sammy drove it here to find me."

"It was a big part of his life and mostly our home," Sam agreed gently.  He kissed Xander.  "Want closer?"

"But...  Should we be centrally....."

"We'll be picking up from here to Stanford," Dean told him.  "The new hunters are taking the Sunnydale to LA route to keep that more quiet."

"Angel's going to freak.  Wes was a rogue demon hunter in the past after the Council fired him."

"I'll let him and Dad fill them in then," Dean told him.  "Do you like that idea?"

"You guys used to go all over the country."

"Dude, been doing it since I was four," Dean reminded him.  "There's not much I still have left to see.  That can be a vacation.   I'm told they're nice.  You can take your family on them."  Xander grinned.  Dean knew Xander hated that his own roadtrip had been cut short.  "We've hit about every state but Alaska and Hawaii.  You guys can go for your honeymoon there since it's so hot and sweaty.  Bring me back pictures and post cards."  He grinned.  "We'll hit Alaska some other year.  During the summer so it's not so cold."

"I was wondering how Sammy wore so many clothes in the winter since he wears two or three layers every day here," Xander quipped.

"I'm chilly."

Xander gave him a look.  "With as hot natured as you are?  I doubt that's the reason. You're hiding that body from everyone else.  Which is probably a good thing.  I'd hate to bitchslap anyone who stared too long."  Sam smirked and kissed him.

"Let me go walk in the woods.  No getting my car dirty," Dean said, getting out and heading off shaking his head.  Those two were insane.   He snuck back and stole Sammy's phone then walked off again, calling someone.  "Hey, Pastor Jim.  Dean Winchester.  I know I sound young.  I am young again.  It's how Sammy saved me.  You heard Dad's back, right?  No, a witch accidentally brought him back.  Ellen and Bobby both checked to make sure he's normal," he promised as he walked in the woods.  "Problem?  Nah, I'm calling for a better reason.  Well, Sammy's found himself a guy that's a great guy.  They're so hot for each other it gags me and Dad.  No, I'm in the woods taking a walk while Sam doesn't mess up my car.  Yeah, that stuff."  He grinned at the words of comfort.  "Actually, cute story.  To save my ass and soul Sammy had me be reborn.  Xander, his guy, was the one who carried me for him.  No, the demon who did it decided Xander should carry me.  Said it'd make us both stronger.  And he does.  Xander's refined a lot of skills I had before and I've learned a lot from his friends out here in Sunnydale."

The pastor choked.  "Yup, that's where we are.  Trying to set Buffy up with a cute, youngish hunter too.  She likes slightly older guys."  He snickered.  "Exactly.  No, wondering if you'd do the bonding, marriage, whatever they're doing when Sam finally gets it through Xander's head that we're not leaving when I'm of age.  Yeah, he's worried so he's said they can't do it until I'm of age next year.  Exactly and I warned him he had better not hurt Sammy.  Pastor Jim, Sammy's so insane he's thinking about buying a house and giving me siblings.  Exactly.  Yeah.  Actually, I think you'd like Xander but you'd want to beat his parents too."  He snickered.  "That's how I feel, yeah.  Me, Dad.  Buffy.  Giles.  Tara.  Most of us really.  So you wouldn't be offended to be asked since Xander's a guy?"  He nodded.  He heard someone else in the woods, trying to be stealthy while they headed his way.  Too many crunching leaves to be sneaky but they were trying.

"I'll let him know.  Sure, when I find a girl I like I'll let you do mine too if you're still here.  Not an issue.  Would you know what they'd need to *bond* instead of marry?  Xander's got a primal spirit that hangs around in him and it wanted them bonded."  He nodded at what he said.  "That'd be cool actually.  I can see Sammy biting him and claiming him.  Sure, I'll have him call.  I don't think he got that far.  If Xander had been a girl you would've been in the Impala with him the day he got here.  No, I was five months along.  Sammy couldn't find me and the demon didn't give enough clues.  Sure.  I'm here.  This is Sammy's phone.  Dad's here.  He's on his old number again.  Bobby does, Ellen does.  Sure.  We're here.  Thanks, Pastor Jim."  He hung up and looked around.  "I can feel you watching me.  Might as well come out so I can kick your ass."  A slightly familiar man came out of the woods so he punched in a text message then put the phone into his pocket after hitting one special key on the side of the phone.  "What do you want?"

"You do foul things, boy," he said, staring at him.

"No, I manage to wipe my ass whenever I go to the bathroom.  I'm not sure you do since you're so full of shit it must be leaking out of your pores."  The man sneered at him.  "What?  You think something's going on?"  He snorted.  "Not hardly."

"I know what you and your kind are," he said.  "You're demons sent to tempt others onto Satan's side."

"Well, I am lust on two legs, but not for you.  Thanks anyway, like the ladies."  The pastor sneered at him and moved closer.  "I think that's far enough."

"Or what?  You'll cry?  You'll cry plenty when I fix you so you're right with God."  He lunged and Dean put the skills he had been learning to good use.  By the time Xander found him the guy was on the ground.  "Did you knock Sammy out?" he panted.

"Yeah.  He was mid-orgasm when I got the text.  He's napping in the car."  He pulled the guy up, staring at him.  "You wanted what with my son?"  The man whimpered.  He shook him.  "Tell me now or else I'm going to make you wish you had made a deal with Satan."

"No, let me," Dean said.  "We need to call the cops."

"I can drag him.  You good?"

"He didn't do more than tag me twice," Dean promised.  They walked back to the car together, him calling the cops.  "I just beat the guy trying to grab me in the woods.  Dean Harris-Winchester.  We're out..  By the forest..."

Xander took the phone.  "We're by Professor Morris's house, ma'am.  No, my son beat him.  He's very sorry."  He hung up, handing the phone back.  "I'd never mess up the car.  We always clean up after ourselves."

Dean snickered.  "I said the same thing but after a while the car's leather gets funky with the scent of sex.  Then again, I am more hot than any incubus and more wanted than all of them combined," he said with a smug grin.

"Uh-huh.  Keep telling yourself that," Xander said, giving him a look.  "You still can't have sex until you're sixteen.  Any girl who tries I'm gonna beat her ass."

"I have to wait?" he whined.

"Yeah.  That'll give you time to grow into your muscles and body.  Plus build your stamina back up.  By then you should be able to keep up with someone like Anya."  They walked out of the woods, finding a cop car waiting.  "Hi, Dave.  My son is learning *very* well."  He handed over the guy.  "I only carried him," he said at the horrified look.

"The pervert tried to touch me!  Of course I beat his ass.  Oh, and he's calling us lust demons."  He waved at the guy.  "Did you mean all little boys are lust demons or just me?"  The man glared.  "Oh, let him go.  He clearly wants to try again."

"He attacked me without a reason!" the minister said.

Dean looked at him then pulled out the phone to restart the recording, letting the officer hear.  The cop nodded at that and then at the minister.  "Sounds like a pervert to me too.  Thanks, Dean."

"Welcome."  He grinned.  "I'm learning self-defense from Mom, Spike, and Aunt Buffy."

"Then you'll be one powerful fighter when it's your turn.  What's wrong with your dad?"  Xander blushed and raised a hand.  "Oh, that.  Sure.  You thinking about moving out here?  I know Cordy's old place is up for sale."

Xander gave him an evil grin.  "I should hint at that so she'd have another screaming day.  No, if I move here in town it's going to be to a specific house that still has a resident."  Dave nodded, walking the minister off to the car.  "Need his phone?"

"For a bit."  He took it from Dean.  "Hit replay?"  Dean nodded.  "Thanks, kid.  I'll bring it to the Magic Box in a while, once we've got it copied.  Good job."  He got the guy secured in the back then got in to drive. They all knew something was strange with the kid, he shouldn't be that old.  So the 'sex on legs' comments could be ignored.  They'd see what he finished growing into.

Xander looked at Dean when he got poked.  "What?"

"Which house?"

Xander grinned.  "You don't need to worry about it.  It'll be a long time before she dies."

"Joyce's?"

"No.  I like her house but no."  He grinned, walking back to the car.  "Can I drive?"

"My car!" Dean said.  "I barely tolerate Sammy driving.  He won't get to for *decades* once I'm back to myself again."  Xander snickered, climbing into his side, letting him get into the back.  Sam was finishing off the last donut.  "It good?"

"It's always good.  What did he do?"

"Fucking pervert," Dean snorted.

"Ah."  He nodded.  "We'll kill him if he shows up again."  He put the car into gear and headed back to the Magic Box.  He smiled at Xander when he watched parts of town go past.  He had heard the house comment and he was pretty sure he knew which one he was talking about.  Xander always avoided looking at it.  If it wasn't that one, well, he had a pretty good idea.  He parked at the Magic Box, letting Dean run inside to use the bathroom while he made Xander look at him.  "Which house?"

"It doesn't matter.  It'll be years."

"The blue one you won't look at?"  Xander shuddered and shook his head.  "The one you sigh at?  Or the one you give sideways looks at as we walk past it?"  Xander hung his head, nodding.  "The last one?"  Xander nodded, giving him a sideways look.  "I watch you while we're on patrol.  Mostly your butt but I have seen you do it."

"She's ancient and she'll be there for a long time, Sam.  She's been here as long as the mayor has."

"She's also a poltergeist, Xander."  Xander gave him a horrified look.  Sam nodded.  "She is."  He kissed him, earning a smile.  "We'll see what we can do.  What's with the house you won't look at?"

"He was our former child molester.  He died there when a few of the parents killed him."

"Hmm.  We'll have to make sure nothing of his stuck around."

"You don't think it could, right?"

"Don't know.  We'll check."  Xander relaxed.  "Do we know his name?"  Xander nodded.  "Was your father one of them?"

"That would require him to quit drinking," Xander told him.

"Did he?" Sam asked.  "I'm not mad, just wanted to know."  Xander shook his head.  "Because you escaped?"

"I had to rescue Willow from him.  He got very annoyed with me.  That's where I perfected my annoyance act.  For her and Jesse."  Sam kissed him again.  "We should go inside.  It'll be dark soon."

"Not like we can't stake vampires, Xander.  Besides, most of them think we're cute," he said with a grin.   He gave him another kiss, pulling him closer.  "You can help us make sure he's gone."  Xander nodded, kissing him back.  "That's my mate," he whispered.  Xander gave him a horrified look.  "You are.  Even the hyena said so.  She told Dean and Dad both that I'm your mate.  That makes you mine."  He pulled him closer to kiss him again.  "Mine all mine.  Everyone else had better learn very quickly."  He grinned.  Then he moved to nibble on his throat.  Xander moaned, tipping his head off to the side.  Sam shifted him so he could lay him down and tease him.

Buffy looked at the car, shaking her head.  "He learned that move from vamps."  She heard the moans and smiled.  It was good Xander was happy, even if it was Sam doing the vamp thing.  She frowned, walking into the shop.  "Sam wasn't turned, right?"  Giles and Dean both shook their heads.  "Good.  Caught him nibbling on Xander's throat, wanted to make sure."

"Again?" Dean demanded.  "Is Xander a sex demon?"

"Only if he wants to be," Anya sighed.  "I know incubi who can't do what he does with his tongue."

Buffy pouted.  "Angel never gave oral sex.  All I had was Riley."

"Ewww," Willow said loudly.  "I so do not want to hear sex stories from the commando's drawers."  Buffy laughed.  "Really!  Gross and you said he had bad technique."

"Yeah, really bad technique," Buffy sighed.

"I'd offer but it'll be next year before I'm old enough to," Dean quipped with a grin.

She patted him on the head.  "I've already seen way too much of your willie, Dean.  I don't need to see it again."  Dean cackled at that.  "Really.  You peed on me a few times."  She went to get something to drink, going to watch the car from the windows.  She saw an officer watching so she leaned out.  "They're enjoying an early dinner."

"Obviously."  He walked in and handed Dean the phone.  "Here yo go, kid.  You sure you're okay?"

"He only tagged me twice.  I've had worse than that in practice."

"Excuse me?" Buffy demanded.  "Who hit you?"

"The pervert minister who tried to grab me in the woods," Dean said.  John let out a low growl that made Dean jump.  "Chill, Dad.  I beat his ass.  He's taking it up the ass in the jail from someone else.  Maybe even one of Xander's relatives."

"Dean Winchester, what have I told you about your mouth?" Tara snapped, glaring at him.  He flinched and nodded.  "You do not say such things in mixed company.  Even if it is your aunts, you do not say such things.  Go do whatever your father assigns you to do!  Now!"  She pointed at the back room.

"Do double your normal PT," John ordered.  "For the phrasing in the company of women and not telling me immediately."  Dean nodded, going to do that.  "He's sorry, Tara.  Sometimes he doesn't have manners.  I tried but I'm not a mother."

She gave him a look.  "It's a good thing I'm a good auntie then."  The officer walked off laughing.

"Wow, he jumped when Tara snapped," Buffy said.  "Why?  Beyond favorite auntie status?"

"When a guardian says something, all hunters snap to attention," John told her.  She looked confused.  "A guardian is a powerful witch with a strong  link to the earth.  It keeps them straight and good as long as they're pure."

"But...." Buffy said, pointing at Willow.

"Only boys count," Willow told her.

"She could even have babies if she wanted as long as it was a female hand that implanted the babies," Dean called from the work room.

"Wow," Buffy said.

"Hey, Dad, Pastor Jim said he'd marry Sammy or bond them or whatever they needed," Dean called.  "I was on the phone with him when the pervert found me.  He didn't know either."

"What's the difference?" Willow asked.

"Public claiming, like werewolves claim their mate in public to be known as bonded," John told her.

"So, like the rocking car out there?" Buffy said with a point outside.

"It has to go both ways if it's a same-sex pairing," Giles said, giving her a look.  "Sam has claimed Xander a few times but I don't believe Xander's claimed Sam yet.  We should remind him of that," he sighed.  "Just not in the storeroom."  He gave her a pointed look, earning a blush back.  "Thank you.  You have a home, and a dorm room.  Use it, Buffy."

"Yes, Giles."  She looked outside.  "Wow, the car has good shocks."  John moaned, rubbing his forehead.  She went outside with a stake.  "Guys, leave the pretty ones alone," she complained.  The vamps watching the car gave her a look.  "That's Sam and Xander.  You know how Xander's going to react if you interrupt them during nookie.  Sam's worse.  Do you really want to do that?"

"No," one admitted.  "We can watch and wait."  She smiled at the one next to her.  "It is inspiring."

"Is Harris a sex demon?" one asked.  "Anya said he was."

"No, he's human but she said he's got a better tongue than every incubus she'd tried recently," she said dryly.  "They're not living up to their reps anymore.  Or women were less needy in the old days."  They nodded at that.  She staked the one trying to sit on the hood.  "You don't want to know what they'd do to you for profaning the car, guys.  Shoo!"  Sam yelped then let out a low scream of pleasure.  Xander moaned then the rocking stopped.  "Wow."  She looked at them.  "Show's over."  She started staking the ones having sex first.

One pouted up at her.  "Can't he finish off first so I can go happy?"  He nipped and she groaned.

Buffy staked her since she was having a happy then.  Then got the other one who had been licking her.  "Public sex is wrong and bad.  It encourages orgies and things," Buffy instructed as she staked.  "Some of us aren't getting any!"   The last few reached for their belts.  She gave them looks.  "Do you think you can really hold up to Angel or Spike?"   They pouted but shook their heads, letting her stake them.  She walked back inside.  "The vamps offered to cure my dateless problem."

Sam wobbled in and collapsed with a hiss.  "Ow."

"Finally realized the bonding hadn't went both ways?" John asked dryly, handing over his bottle of water.

"No, threw my back."  He sipped it.  "Thanks, sir."  He finished it then looked outside.  "We haven't.  Huh.  Have to fix that."

"No more making my car smelly or dirty," Dean called.

"What did he do this time?"

"Said the perverted minister was having butt-sex in prison, maybe even with one of Xander's relatives," Willow said.  Tara swatted her, making her yelp.  "Ow!"

"I'm still a delicate lady, Willow.  So is Buffy."

"Yes, dear."  She rubbed her butt.  "I don't like spanking."

"That's why it's a punishment," Buffy quipped.  "Oh, Willow, Mom threatened to beat me for the four inch heels I got.  She said I didn't need stripper shoes."

Willow shrugged.  "You look good in them.  They do great things for your legs and butt."

"I pointed that out.  She walked off moaning.  So I said it'd help me get a boyfriend.  She said I had to date a living one this time."

"Could be good for you," Sam quipped, giving her a look.  "There's five semi-cute hunters moving between here and LA.  We'll introduce you."  She beamed and hugged him then went to check on Dean.   Xander wobbled in.  "Locked the car?"  Xander moaned, sliding into his lap with a hiss and curled up on him to take a nap.

"I'll check," Willow said happily.

"My car," Dean snapped, coming out to make sure it was fine and closed up, though he did crack the back windows a bit to let it air out.  No way they could get in with that.  He went back inside to his punishment.  "Thank you for not getting it messy."

"There's ways around that," Sam reminded him.  "Don't make me spank."

"Don't.  He'll be me junior," Xander mumbled.

"Okay, I won't turn him into you a younger version of you," Sam soothed, stroking his back.  John smirked at him.  "He's tired.  It's been a long day.  You guys wore him out earlier."

"That innocent looks work better when your brother does it," John assured him.  Sam just gave him an evil smirk.  "Dean checked.  Pastor Jim's more than happy to marry you two."

Sam beamed.  "He will?  I wasn't sure he wasn't against gay unions.  We hadn't talked about it."

"No, he said it's good you finally found someone you loved after you lost Jess so he'd gladly come marry your big, dumb butt and Mom's," Dean said, coming back. "Done."

"He did," Buffy agreed.  "Show me what you did to the guy earlier, Dean."  He nodded, attacking her.  She managed to tag him lightly a few times but then he got her down.  "As good as his?"

"He got me twice, you got me three times."

"You're still dropping your guard on your right side when you shift your weight that way, son," John said.  "That's something you've always had a problem with."  He got up to work with him, making Dean nod and do what he showed him but it was apparently too ingrained to fully correct out now.  "Not bad."  He grinned at him.  "Latin?"

"I did a page earlier," he promised.  "And a first run of the new flashcards."  Willow beamed. "Thank you."

"Welcome.  I had Spike write them out for you and had another demon check, just in case he switched words."  She looked at Giles.  "So, what's with the research tonight."

"Earlier we went to talk to the hyena and soldier," John told her.

"How did he get a rank raise?"

"There's a general who's a ghost.  He watches over things like that and ones being guardian angels," Dean told her.

She looked up and muttered something, shaking her head.  Tara spanked her again.  "It was in another language."

"My ears are still delicate," Tara said dryly.

Willow got her some chocolate and cuddled her.  "Okay, so what else did we learn?"

"We did some mutual drawing," Dean said.  "I did some to contain the hyena so she couldn't attack Dad.  She and the soldier both drew prophecies on me plus hunter's marks."  He opened the laptop and got into the last used files so they could be pulled up.  "Here.  Sammy did it in powerpoint.  Geek," he told his brother.

"I haven't had to do a presentation in a while.  I was missing school," he said dryly.

"I miss writing papers in the summers," Willow sighed.

"Summer school," John told her.  She beamed.

"You can write some for me in advance," Buffy offered happily.  "Maybe even make some money."

"That's cheating," Tara said firmly.  "For you is one thing.  For profit is wrong."

"Have some more chocolate, Tara.  You have major PMS," Buffy told her.  Tara nodded, nibbling.  "Want to help me shop for things to go with the new shoes, Tara?"  She blushed and shook her head.  "Okay, if you're sure."  She came over to look.  "So *that's* where that lipstick pencil went.  I was going to take it back because it was the wrong shade of red, Dean."

"Sorry.  I'll get you a new one," Sam told her.

She shrugged.  "It's not a problem.  Ho red looks better on Xander than it does on me.  It was only two bucks."

"Not Santa," Xander mumbled.  "No camping."

Sam stroked his back again.  "No, we won't go camping if you don't want to."  Xander let out a whimper.  Sam got the clue he needed.  "Shh, I've got you, Xander.  You won't ever have to go camping again unless you want to."  Xander relaxed and fell asleep again.

John gave Willow a look.  She grimaced. "His parents fought every Christmas so he slept outside from the time he was four until he was seventeen."

"Wasn't he hunting by then?" John asked.

"I offered my couch, he said no," Buffy said.  "He said he didn't want to interrupt other's happiness.  My mom nearly went to rip them a new one but Xander made her not do it."  She went back to the presentation.  "Are any of these soon?"

"The one in the darker pencil is one about Dean," Sam told her.  "The other seems to be an echo of a creation myth."

"What are the cut and bite marks?" Willow asked.

"This part," Sam said, showing her that symbol.  "Right before he's allowed to start hunting."

"So, right before he turns sixteen.  Nice makeup job."

"To show it was probably Dru," Dean said.  "But thanks, I knew I was pretty."

"There were a few jobs we could've went on if I could've grown out your hair quickly and gotten you into a dress, boys," John told them.  Sam gave him a horrified look.  "Ellen went on them instead."  Tara squeaked, giving him a horrified look.  "There was even a nice convent school that would've taken them in that's run by hunters if they had been girls."

"You would have died," Dean assured him.  "One of us would've gotten you even if you held the other one off."  His father laughed.  "I remember that school.  I would've had a lot of fun debauching the girls while Samantha there learned all the languages and stuff.  Still would've killed you if you had put me in a skirt."

"We would have made sure Pastor Jim did a nice service and put the grave near Bobby or Missouri so we could visit them often," Sam agreed.

"Better than the styrofoam one I woke up in," he said.

"The county buried you.  We couldn't find you to claim you," Dean said, smacking him on the arm.  "Jackass."  He walked off.  Tara followed and Buffy followed her.

"I know it hurt him," John said quietly.

"To the point of him beating the car with a tire iron," Sam agreed.  John slumped.  "He wouldn't even let me help fix the car.  If either of you make a deal with another demon to save another member of this family I will personally hunt that demon down to kill it.  Then whichever of you did it.  Am I clear?  Xander can help me," he said when Xander shifted.

"Crystal, son.  It..."

"I don't care, Dad."

"Sorry."

"Wrong son to say that to but thank you."  John sighed, going to talk to Dean about that.  "Tell him what I said too."

"Sure."  He nodded the girls to leave them alone, closing the work room's door so they could sit together.  "It was the only way I saw to make sure you went on, son.  You're as good as I ever was and I knew you'd watch out for Sammy for me.  Something he wouldn't let me do."

Dean looked at him.  "Still sucked ass."

"Yeah.  I'm sorry about it going like that.  I intended to get out of it."  Dean sighed, nodding a bit.  "Sam just said if either of us did it again he and Xander are going to hunt down the demon and kill it.  Then us."

"Xander will.  Sammy can cheer him on."  John smiled.  "I know.  They've both got fierce bitch syndrome about me.  It's nice.  Even if it is mushy now and then it's really nice.  Do you think Mom would approve of him?"

"I think if your mother had seen what we went through as younger people, she would've come back and screamed at us until we were black and blue from her voice then she would've beaten us all to death so she could torture us for a good, long time.  I think she would've approved of how Xander's doing this time though."  Dean relaxed and nodded, grinning some.  "She always said that Sammy was going to be the one who did great things since you and I were so much alike, even back then.  She thought you'd follow me into the service."

"I did, just a different branch."

"It is just as much of a calling as being a Marine ever was," John agreed quietly, reaching over to stroke over his son's hair.  "You did good then and you're doing good now, son."

"Awww!  Did you have to ruin it with mush?" Dean complained, but he looked pleased.

"Now and then even we Winchester men have to have some mush in our lives.  That's why you pick up girls and I got married, Dean.  Sam brings his own with him so he got a tough boy to love him and suck it out of him."  Dean snickered at that.  "I honestly think she'd be beating Xander by now for making him hold off on marrying him.   I understand why he is, now, but she would've kicked his butt up and down this town's streets.  Pregnant or not."

"Then we'd better do what Mom wants, huh?" Dean said.  "Xander has one house he wants more than anything.  Sammy said he knows which one it is."  John smirked.  "So we'll have to see.  Xander said there's an older person living in it."  Willow leaned in and gave them a message. "Can hear us?"

"The ruining it with mush comment," she said dryly.  "Sam said they talked about that earlier."  She disappeared.

Dean opened the note.  It was in Winchester code.  He read it and scowled.  "Huh."  He handed it to his father.  "Two houses we have to make sure are cleared."

"We'll do it,"John agreed.   "This was how I knew I had left you two alone too often.  You developed your own code.  It took me nearly two years to decode it.  You do realize that?"

"I thought you said you had it after six months."

"That's what I wanted you to think so you'd stop it," John said, giving him a look.  "Some day you'll pull that on your own kid."

"Not for a few years apparently," he said happily.

"Better not be."

"Dad, no marrying me off this time."

"Tara and I talked.  She can do the same capturing spell in case something happens."

"No.  Not again.  I was sick for months last time.  No.  Especially not around here."  He sat up straighter.  "The taint she talked about."

"Good point," John said quietly.  "Could be too late."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "I did it to protect you, Dean."

"Yay.  Still sucked for Annabelle."

"It did.  I gave her a chance to back out.  She tried to negotiate for Sammy instead."

"At that age he was cuter and I was hitting a growth spurt into my muscles."

"I remember," he sighed.  "You looked so geeky standing there in front of the judge."  His son growled.  He smirked.  "You did.  Plus you nearly fidgeted out of the suit and tie."

"Still do."  He punched him on the arm, walking back out there, nodding at Sammy.  "Will."

"Thanks."  He smiled at Xander then at him.  "We'll get burgers soon.  Even I heard your stomach."

Xander blinked at Dean, then yawned, pulling him closer to sit in their joined lap. "Dinner soon."  He cuddled him, weathering the put-upon sigh his son gave for show.  Because Dean was snuggled back into him nicely.  He fell back asleep for another little while.

Sam nodded at the chair.  "Kick it closer please?" he asked quietly.   Willow did so he put his feet up.  "There, easier to hold them both."  He gave them a squeeze.  Dean gave him a look.  "I can be mushy over him and you're adorable when you're a teddy bear.  Still haven't gotten off all the eyeliner though."  Giles took a few pictures.

"I want a copy," John said.  He looked then grinned.  "Awww."

"Bite...."  Tara swatted him.  "Yes, Auntie Tara.  Want us to pick you up a salad when we're out?"   She smiled and nodded.  "We can do that."  He looked at Sam once the girls had walked off to talk about tonight's patrol with Buffy.  "At least I'll understand that girl stuff when I get a sister."

Sam smiled.  "Maybe.  I still don't and I had Jess plus your aunts."

"Hell, I was married and I didn't," John told them.  "Buffy, I'll take the boys' place tonight if you want."

She grinned.  "Sure, John.  It's going to be running and pouncing in the leaves tonight.  We usually start getting dead leaf eating demons now.  They aren't harmful but we like to make sure they leave town fairly quickly because they're the preferred cheddar cheese popcorn of a lot of tougher species.   So we like to round them up, give them bags of leaves like candy stroll treats, then get them out of town by the beach."

"Sure, we can do that," he agreed.  "Candy stroll?"

"Trick-or-Treating," Willow told him. "As opposed to ho stroll, which is Buffy patrolling down by the theater in her short, diagonally striped skirt and wedge heels."  Buffy swatted her.  "You did!  Last time you even wore the backless shirt that the vamps like to talk about untying!  One of the cops did ask me if you were trolling.   I told them no, you were looking to impress the new boyfriend when we accidentally on purpose ran into him.  He told me to make you change before he arrested you for selling it."

"I like that outfit!  I look good in it."  Xander flinched so she stomped over.  "Xander, don't I look cute in the stripped skirt and tie shirts?" she pouted.

He blinked at her.  "You told me I couldn't have those opinions."  She huffed.  "You did.  Especially about shopping with you."  She tapped a foot.  "Fine, I think the skirt's too short and you've flashed a great number of vamps kicking their asses so they died happily and the shirts are going to make you end up running home topless one night.  Now, I'm tired.  Do you mind?"  He put his head back down, gave Dean a good squeeze, then yawned and let his eyes drift shut.

"If you wake up, we can get dinner," Dean said.

Xander smiled into his son's hair.  "You should go shopping with her. You had good taste in the past, son."

"That's right, you did," John agreed.

"Good, we can go on patrol then hit the last hour at the mall," Buffy said.  "He can have dinner then!   While we shop!"  She stomped off to gather the nibbled on demons with John and Willow behind her, Tara walking out shaking her head.

Giles looked over.  "Remind her to feed you before you enter a store, Dean."

Sam poked Xander.  "If you get up so I can have feeling back in my feet, I'll feed you both tonight then we'll try to hide from Buffy at the mall."  Xander let out a discontent sigh.  "Then maybe we'll run into a demon that eats poodles so it takes too long.  That way Tara and Willow can do some girl stuff."  Xander grinned and nodded, sliding off his lap.  Sam stood up, stomping the feeling back into his feet.  "Ooh, better."

"Sorry," Xander said sheepishly.

Sam kissed him.  "I don't mind.  It was cute.  Besides, it was Dean's heavy ass that took the feeling out of my feet, not your tiny butt.  You need to eat more."  He walked them out with a wave at Giles.  "Later."

"The poodle eaters are usually found near the dumpster by the pound, not the movies.  Those are ones who eat things hiding in the darkness," he called after them.  Sam grinned back at him for that.   Giles went back to his research, checking the pictures on Sam's laptop now and then.

***

Xander looked at his son a few months later, shaking his head.  "What do you want for the holidays?"

Dean gave him a look.  "To age faster?"

"You'd get sick if you aged faster, Dean.  Besides, I can't do that.  I can make your first christmas special and let your aunt Tara spoil your ass rotten however."  He grinned at that.  "What do you want?"

"New sawed off shotgun?" he suggested with a shrug.  "You'll find something."  This talk was making him feel strange.  Xander had that damn mushy look on his face again.  He gave him a poke.  "Get me practical stuff I can use.  I like presents like that better."

"If you're sure."  Dean nodded.  "Then I'll look for practical things."

"Who bought all the music?  I've never heard of some of these bands."

"The aunts when you wouldn't quit kicking me because Buffy tried some of Tara's music."

"Ah.  Now wonder I have punk music."

"Spike," he pointed out dryly.  "Your first CD was _London Calling_.   It calmed you down from your aunt's music."

"I guess that's fine then," Dean said.  "Some new music would be nice.  But nothing woosey."

"Sure, nothing woosey."  He patted him on the head.  "Think I can leave you with your Aunt Willow tonight?"

"Must you?"

"She's got a sprained ankle and Joyce has stuff to do."

"If you must," he sighed.  "I was fine in a motel room watching Sammy at this age before for a few hours."

Xander looked at him.  "No way in hell I'm leaving you home alone at the young age of ten, Dean.  Get over it.  John had no choice.  I do.  Therefore we're not going to get CPS called here to take you.  Comprende vous?"

"Is that the only thing you learned from French class?"

"Yup," he agreed happily.

"Can I help Joyce instead?"

"No, Grandma's going holiday shopping too.  She's going to have problems finding another Solstice gift for Willow."  Dean shuddered.  "Exactly.  I've done all mine but yours and Sam's."

"Get him woosey music or something mushy."  He gave him a look. "Or claim him."

"Not until you're your right age."  He walked off.  "Get ready to head to the college."

"Yes, Mom."  He sighed and got up to find his boots.  He was slowly getting back to his own style.  Even though the ladies had bought all his clothes so he'd be adorable.  Which he hated.  Adorable was Sammy, not him.  He was tough and macho.  He pouted at Xander.  Xander only smirked and shook his head.  "I can use a few new t-shirts."

"I've already replaced the stuff Sam pulled out of your traveling pack for next year."  Dean smirked at that.  "Until then... it makes the girls happy and happy girls feed your sugar addiction and mine."

"Good point."

"Were you this pouty your last time?"

"Am not!" he complained.  Xander tapped his lip.  "Okay, maybe I am.  I used to gross myself out by doing that last time.  Dad moaned about it being worse with Sam."

Xander looked at the door then at him.  "Your father had some very high expectations for you and even higher for Sam because he started training him sooner," he said quietly.  Dean nodded he knew that, pouting again.  "Do you think that was fair to Sam?"

"No, which is why they used to fight like Spike and Buffy when he wants in her pants.  Only for different reasons of course."

"Of course."  He stroked through his hair, giving him a smile.  "You know, you're getting better at reading some of Sam's moods this time.  Before you could read him pretty well but you had this gap according to him.  He said you're past that now.  Which does make him happy.  He feels that you're back to the point where you could understand everything he did even before he did it."

"I had to regrow up for that?"

"Sam's a lot like Tara," he explained, sitting down to look at him.  He straightened out his shirt.  "Even with the asshole father she had, one that I thought was a worse one than mine was, she still grew up into a gentle, loving soul.  You found a reason for vengeance and let it dictate your life.  That's not bad but Sam didn't have the same reason you did."

"I know.  We had that talk once."  He frowned.  "Am I still not getting him very well?"

"I think you get him better than either of us suspect but you hide it."  Dean nodded that was true.  "The same as you get me a lot better than Sam does sometimes but you hide it behind the anti-mush stuff."  He gave him a look.  Dean smirked at that.  "Now, what am I getting him and you for the holidays?"

"For me, something practical is good.  A new rifle, a new knife maybe?"  He shrugged.  "Sammy only wants one thing and you won't give that to him."

"That's because there's too big of a chance of it ruining his life, Dean.  Xander's mate for life.  If he's mine, he won't be running around the country with you unless I'm there too."  Dean opened his mouth.  "Which is why I can't do that to him until you're old enough to decide what you're going to do, because he's waiting on you to make decisions.  If you decide to go back to hunting the same way you used to, he'll be going with you, even with me here.  Even if you had a sister on the way or already here.  He might want to stay but you draw him stronger than any lover ever will because you protect him and he protects you.  You're a lot like some twins, only you're four years apart."

"But..."

Xander covered his mouth.  "I'm not putting pressure on you, Dean.  If you want to go back to hunting the way you were, I'll be here.  Handling the next apocalypse and all that.  If you guys want or need me all you'd have to do is call.  I'm not going to rip you two apart by making Sam choose.  That's what true love is, wanting the best and right thing for them, even if it's not you.  Sam still can't understand Sunnydale Syndrome even after all this time.  It annoys all three of you Winchesters.  It annoys us now and then but we learned how to deal with the system here.  You guys aren't used to dealing with this sort of hunting.  You guys are an occasional thing, not a constant war.  It's wearing on all of you," he said gently.  "Which is why we made the local rule of no hunting before sixteen and taking the time for fun whenever you can.  If the best thing for Sam is going out with you so he doesn't end up giving me those tired looks like Buffy and Giles give me, or I give them, then I'd rather have him go and come back to make sure I'm still here now and then."

"It's still dumb."

"I think you've been watching the wrong things," Xander countered, smiling a bit.  "You guys see everything in a very strict boundary and framework of what you hunted before.  Here, we're a lot more fluid.  We handle a lot more shit.  If the hunters like you guys are had to handle an apocalypse ever few months, there wouldn't be many of you left.  It deals outside the realm of thought that you're comfy with.  Salt doesn't work, burning only works on some things, and even bad magic is helpful sometimes here.  Your dad admitted to Willow if he ran into her in the real world and she pulled some of the shit out there that she does here, one of the hunters would've taken her out."

"Or expected Tara to because that's what a guardian is."

"Exactly.  Sunnydale's not exactly like the real world.  In a lot of ways we're like a hollywood construct.  Imagination is the best thing here.  You guys are linear thinkers.  You're used to having information, knowing what's coming, having a weapon that you know how to use like it's an extension of your own hand.  We only know what's coming when it's a prophecy and one of us usually warps it so it's different than in the book, then we fight it.  Our weapons are different and even though we may not always use them technically correct, our weapons are just as trained into us.  My battle axe may hurt like hell when I swing it in that one back swing that makes you frown but that's how I take off heads.  A lot of heads.  I'm damn good with it, the same as I'm very comfortable with guns.  If I had a way to walk around here and do a patrol with my AK, I'd do it.  I don't.  Even the Initiative boys had to change tactics now and then because their rifles and tasers only pissed some things off.  And that sort of thing would drive you guys into a soul-sucking depression because you guys are used to having ten or twelve things it could be.  The rarer thing now and then.  For us, every day is vamps and then something rare that only happens here."

"Sam's not tired."

Xander smiled.  "You're not paying attention to the right things, Dean.  Even I'm tired."

"Then move with us."

"You couldn't stand us all in the car together all the time."

"No, I can't.  I can't see you doing the credit card scams for expense money either."  Xander shook his head.  "Are you happy?"

"No but I'm needed.  This is my duty.  I was put here to be her helper is the way I see it.  I don't have much else use except for building things so I can pay the rent.  I got drafted and fell into step when I realized how many lives I save on a nightly basis.  Even when the girls are going through a 'boys are stupid' phase."  Dean gave him a serious look.  "I can't see Sam putting up with them doing that either and one's coming.  It always does at the start of a new semester since I'm not in college with them."

"Why do you put up with it?"

"What's better?  Doing it alone or with people around you?  You can be a team even when you fight with the person next to you.  You and Sam have fought many times and you can still fight together."

"We're family.  So's your group but none of you seem to know what a good one is outside of Buffy.  Maybe Giles."

"Uh-huh.  I've realized that.  So has Tara.  That's why we're staying.  We have to stay or else people will die.  A lot of people could die.  Yeah, Buffy handles the apocalypses but without us behind her, she'd have fallen a long time ago."

"Spike said you brought her back to life when she died."

"The Master drowned her.  I did CPR because Angel claimed he couldn't.  I did force Angel to come with me to help her at cross point."  Dean smiled at that.  "He was supposed to be helping her and he was huddled in his apartment.  Hell yes I pulled him out of there at cross point to make him help me.  Then he said he can't do CPR because he doesn't breathe."  He shrugged.  "Does she know?  Don't know.  She knows I did the CPR.  Angel was honest about that."

"You know he gave you to Spike and Dru.  I know he knows he did that.  Did he do it knowingly and thinking about the consequences?"

"Angel had a jealous streak.  He decided that since I could play in the sun with her she was going to be mine."  He waved a hand around.  "Do you see that?"

"No."  He crossed his arms over his chest and canted his weight off to the side.  "What about if Sammy decides to stay?  Or I do?"

"Then we'd welcome you for however long you could stand it.  All of us are going to give up some year.  If Buffy dies, I'm probably leaving and letting the next slayer have it.  I'll give her and her watcher what I know then head.  Willow would probably head to school.  I'd be dragging Tara with me if she's alive."

"She's never in danger.  You guys make sure of it."

Xander gave him a sad smile.  "Dean, demons aren't the only danger here.  Remember, there's normal human danger too.  She got a death threat the other day from some guy who didn't like her being with Willow.  Pity he's got a broken jaw and arm so he can't follow through with his threat to take a baseball bat to her to teach her better."  Dean shuddered.  "Not me.  Not Willow or Buffy either.  Actually I'm not so sure it wasn't your Dad or Giles."  He grinned a bit.  "Pay better attention and use that to make your decisions.  Yeah, you've been watching and learning from us, but you're not learning it all.  You're paying too shallow of attention.  There's always a deeper thread to people, even the shallow ones."

"She's not shallow."

"I know that.  We all know that.  She pretends to be.  Sometimes Willow believes it because it's easier.  The same as they think I'm the goofy little helper because it's easier.  We're too damn tired to look that deeply most of the time."

"The other hunters...."

"Are helping Angel and Wes," he assured him.  "They're doing a good job weeding out some of Angel's problems.  They'll take on the connections and network between the two next.  That three hours of driving time is filled with problems.  It'll take the six of them years to clean it up.  Even if they do start bombing places like the former Initiative guy wanted to do.  That's why Angel let him be eaten then took him from his new Sire to train him."  Dean gaped.  "Angel spent enough time here to have an expedience switch.  The same as we have one now and then."  Dean nodded slowly.  "LA's overrun and it's a lot bigger than Sunnydale is. Plus they have the evil things' law firm trying to make deals to take over the world. They even had a cult of vampires who were practicing not feeding on humans recently."  Dean shook his head slowly.  Xander gave him a maniacal grin and nodded quickly.  "Yeah.  That's why they need the hunters there.  We could use a few more here but the whole Army can't keep the problems down until they manage to keep the hellmouth closed for a long time.  Then they'll move somewhere else."

"Damn," he muttered, shaking his head.  "Maybe you're right.  If so, you could live out of town and help us if we pick a region."

"Then who would help Buffy and take my place?"

"There's others... never mind, no one wants to see."  Xander nodded, smirking a bit.  "Why did you?  You could have grieved for Jesse then moved on."

"Who said I didn't know about there being demons before, Dean?  Not all demons are human and not all demons are stealthy.  Just because I didn't know about vampires didn't mean I hadn't seen the 'special ones' at the supermarket or at school.  I always saw them where other kids saw skin diseases and things.  Willow always tried hard to keep her blinders on.  Now and then she'd see, mostly that my parents were dirtbags.  Jesse saw but no one warned us that the vampires would start coming for us in high school.  We saw them eating the adults, the adults instinctively protected most of the kids until they were nearly adults.  Late high school, not tenth grade.  We were apparently early bloomers of the farm."

"Are the ones who see these things like you?  Have the same crappy parent syndrome?"

"Jesse's mom was nice.  She didn't always pay attention to him.  He had a younger sister and she drowned one night in the tub when she was really young.  So his mom was caught up in that.  Jesse kinda slipped notice now and then.  That's why we hung out."  Dean stared at him.  "She was good when she had the energy to come out of her memories.  She treated me like her own kid quite often."

"But you saw because of your parents."

"Possibly because I'm one of the few people around here born here.  The local hospital doesn't have an OB unit, did you notice that?"  Dean nodded quickly, he had and John had wondered.  "The doctors learned long ago that kids who're *born* here are born strange.  A lot of times with developmental or physical impairments.  We get a lot of miscarriages if women stay here while they're pregnant.  Since my mother never left, I was born here.  Bred here.  The power seems to like me though so it's letting me go for now.  Maybe I resonate in the right frequency or something.  Maybe all the liquor she drank helped fight off whatever it did.  It is an antiseptic after all."  Dean grimaced.  "She told me once she didn't know she was pregnant until her seventh month when I kicked her.  She was so drunk before then she didn't realize it."  Dean shuddered.  "Exactly.  So maybe that's why I saw what's going on and a lot of others don't or can't.  Maybe it's because it's easier for them to ignore it and not mourn.  It was easier for me to see it because I was already used to shitbags who shouldn't be around kids.  Who knows.  No one will ever figure that one out."

"You stayed when you were pregnant with me," Dean said quietly.

"I tried to leave.  You made me so hellishly sick I crawled into the Magic Box that night.  Literally crawled.  After ten hours of puking outside of town."  Dean gave him a hug.  "It's not your fault.  I'm probably not meant to leave here."  He gave him a pat and let him go.  "I'm not telling you this to make you decide to go, son.  I want you to make your decisions based on what's best for you and Sam.  Because Sam will follow you to protect you.  The same way you always protected him he protected you in a lot of ways."

"I saw that now and then.  When I went looking."

"Sam's a lot more subtle than you are," Xander agreed.  "Some people kick in doors.  Some of us sneak in a window.  Some of us come in through a roof gate.  Now, I can hear your father trying to listen from the door.  Go sit with Willow and make her feel better."

He nodded, heading out with John while Xander went to change for patrol.  It had been something to think about.  Maybe he wasn't seeing more than the shallow things people wanted him to.  This was a situation that would call for deeper reading.  Especially to make sure Sammy was happy and content.  He smiled at his Dad.  "Dad warning me not to aggravate Willow tonight."

"That was a long butt chewing."

Dean shrugged.  "We talked about other stuff too.  Did you know he replaced some of the t-shirts and stuff in my kit?"

"I didn't.  Have you seen them yet?  Xander wears some loud shirts, son."

"Yeah, well, that's his thing," he said.  Though...  He looked back at the house.  Putting that same knowledge to work, Xander always drew the attention.  They had probably used it so Willow, who had been shy back then, wouldn't have to get any.  He had a lot of deeper thoughts to go over tonight.  He yawned for show.  "Maybe I'll crash when I get there, after making suitable noises over her ankle."

"Sure, if that's what you want."  He let him into the truck and walked around to drive.  "What else did he tell you?  You're looking thoughtful."

"He explained a bit more about Sunnydale to me.  Some clues I hadn't been picking up.  He said it might help when the girls went all 'college is cool' at the new semester and he got locked out for a while again.  Mostly to keep Sammy out of their hair and faces."

"The girls can be a bit shallow now and then," John said.

Dean took the keys from the ignition.  "Do you think maybe it's a shield?  Their way of dealing with all the crap they go through every night?  Buffy shops like most hunters have sex. Tara tries to channel it into her education and skills.  Willow channels it into her magic and fussing over things.  Giles reads another book because he can't sleep.  Personally I think Xander's loud shirts are so people pay attention to him and not the others.  Or maybe at all."

John blinked.  "I..."

"Dad, think about it."  John's phone rang so he answered it.  "We're having a talk.  We'll be there soon, Buffy.  Sure."  He hung up.  "Willow's running the Magic Box tonight from the stool behind the counter."  John nodded, taking the keys back to start the truck.  "Xander explained a few things to me.  Have you seen guys coming in from a war?"  John nodded slowly.  "After a while, do they have that same tired look Spike did last week?  Or the one the night Xander told Buffy to go home because finals were getting to her?"

"They have," he admitted.  "The other hunters..."

"LA's just as overrun and Angel needed the help, Dad.  They've got *years* of work down there according to Xander.  Not to mention the connections between the two after that.  There's a law firm down there that's slowly making deals to take over the world by representing demons, did you know that?"

"No, I didn't."

"Apparently Angel deals with them often.  They don't like him.  I've heard him talking to Cordelia about them before.  Xander also said something else because he noticed how frustrated you've been a few times when they pulled something out of their ass and it worked better than anything traditional.  Sunnydale isn't like the real world.  It's like a hollywood construct built on power, demons, and magic.  The same as he had to point out the normal bad things everyone has to deal with happen here too.  Did you beat the guy that threatened Tara?"

"Giles did.  I offered to."  He considered it.  "I did tell Willow if I saw her pulling things like she had pulled recently in the real world she would've been hunted," he realized.

"Yeah, you did.  He heard."

John looked at him, putting the truck into gear and driving off.  "Huh.  So we're stuck in a bad 'B' rated movie?"

"Not a bad one.  Certainly a twisted one.  I doubt anyone not outside all that would see all the plots and how they mix together.  No one saw the Mayor's until the ascension.  They still missed some of it even when they went looking."

"Interesting."   He glanced at his son, pausing at a stop sign.  "We've noticed the cops only handle certain things."

"Would you want to do the paperwork for someone killed by an unknown demon?"

"Probably not," he agreed.  "How did the kid figure this out?"

"Xander once told me about this girl in high school who no one paid any attention to.  Even when she was in the same room.  She ended up turning invisible."

"So his loud clothes are to make sure he doesn't?"

"I think he's hidden enough that I've seen people overlook him even in the really loud red and purple shirt, Dad.  Hell, I've seen Sammy and you do it."  John gaped, then groaned.  "I think he does it on purpose but he learned the benefits of it the first time it happened by accident.  In his family it kept him out of the way of his parents or uncle.  The same as schoolwork didn't hold a whole lot of promise for him.  Sam used it as a way to get out.  I used it as something I had to do and could do to spend a few hours without my family there.  I had to live up to standards but I could pretty well do whatever I wanted to do and make up any background I wanted when I was there and alone.  It got lonely, but it was helpful.  I needed the time to defrag from you and Sammy going at it most of the time."  John sighed but nodded.  "For Xander it got him out of the house but if he got great grades or had a reason to stay after school and research, it would've gotten him noticed."

"Given his parents a new chink in the armor to pick at and open him up further," John agreed.  "People like that find a weakness and dig at it until it doesn't get a reaction.  They think they're toughening up their kids.  I didn't do that, right?"

"Not usually.  You'd harp on a weakness until we worked on it ourselves.  You had a reason though.  You were trying to keep us alive.  Xander's parents didn't care if he lived."

"Still, Buffy's a bit shallow."

"Who'd notice if she wasn't, dad?"

"Huh?"

"If she wasn't shallow, she wouldn't have an advantage over the vampires.  They think she's shallow and it makes her look weaker.  The same as her size does.  She plays on that with her clothes, her mannerisms, all that.  That's her costume."

"I've seen some deeper moments, especially with her mom."  He nodded.  "I think you're right."

"I know I'm right, Xander told me."  John smirked at him.  "Hell, I wasn't seeing it either.  Though, I'm not sure if Anya has a deeper core or if she's blocked it off so she doesn't have to think about the consequences of what she used to do.  Or if doing that led to it being pounded into a greasy spot inside."

"Could be a combination of the last two.  Doing that job has to be soul sucking.  You see some of the worst cases."

"No, that's her friend Hallie.  She's over lost childhoods," Dean said quietly.  John shuddered.  "She was down for tea last week."

"Huh."  He parked in front of the Magic Box, handing Dean the keys.  "In case something happens."  It was an older ritual when he had to leave him somewhere and leave the car nearby.  Dean grinned at that.  "Just don't crash it.  The insurance is a bit flimsy."

"Sure, Dad."  He went inside.  "I'm here,  you can all applaud now."

"Good, you little stage magician," Willow teased.  "Go help the woman getting frog's eyes."

He grimaced but went to do it.  They were nasty but he could think while he helped around the store.  She really couldn't hop with the way she had it wrapped.  When they were finally alone he pulled her ankle up and rewrapped it on her.  "More efficient and you can hop if you need to."  He went back to the book area, grimacing and reshelving how they should be.  Giles was particular.  So was Sammy.  That way they had quick access to any information.  He found a few books that should've been shelved in the reading room and put them in there then came back to finish up.  Then he moved to the candles.  These were familiar items to him.  He could name the use of about everything in the store.  Giles had taught him and so had Tara.  That's why he got to help with spellwork.  That and Willow couldn't measure worth a damn.  He came out to get the book she was looking at.  "Giles told Xander not to get anything on that one, it was worth a lot less when it was broken in."  She groaned.  "You can talk to the man.  I'm not.  Anything else need stocked?  We're almost out of incense."

"Go ahead and do whatever you want to, Dean.  You don't have to fuss over the store.  That's Anya's job."

"She hates to stock."  He went to get what he needed, filling the holders then putting back the boxes and going back to look at everything else.  One book came floating out.  He jumped up and caught it.  "Sex magic?" he asked, waving it.  She blushed.  "Kinky," he teased with a smirk.

"Give it to me, mini pervert," she said, floating it over.  "Go workout or something.  Quit channeling Sam."

"Fine."  He went to work out and think while he did that.  It was good for his body anyway.  He snuck a sandwich then went back to it. After a while he came out to look at her.  "The last time you guys had nightmares to deal with, what was Mom's?"

"Clowns," she said without stopping reading.  "He had a clown phobia from his fifth birthday."

"Clowns?"

She nodded, turning the page.  "I've got a frog phobia."

"Okay."  He went back to think about that.  He knew about the incident with the nightmares the first time.  He had snuck Giles' journal to look at.  It hadn't mentioned what most of theirs were.  Only that Buffy's was related to her parents' divorce and her father.  He knew that Xander didn't have problems with clowns because he wasn't scared of anything, because having no fear meant you were dead.  Long dead usually.  So were clowns the only thing it could pull up or had it been something else?  The only one it could manifest because fear of an alcoholic waking up isn't really something that can follow you around?  He knew he had a fear of becoming invisible.  That had been the point of telling Dean about the invisible girl Marcy.  He had faced that fear another time.  But why clowns?  And how did that one start?  He heard someone come in and went to check, looking at his mother.  "Clowns?" he mouthed.

Xander shrugged.  "One jumped out and scared me.  Why?"

"That's all it could pull up?"

"No.  It was linked back to a kid about your age, Dean.  There was no way the fear demon could create something like the rest with it being in a mind that young."

"Oh.  That's what I was hoping it was."  Xander nodded.  "You still feel fear, right?"

"Every single day when I wake up," Xander assured him.  "Feeling no fear means that you're dead, gone, and gotten past the 'where am I going now' fears."  Dean smiled at that.  "Anyway, patrol's looking light tonight.  Wanna get a pizza?"

"I thought we had a major demon," Willow said absently.

"We do.  It's three foot tall and has spines.  Buffy laughed herself sick and John shot it."  He looked at Dean, nodding.  "Pizza?"

"I could eat.  Willow?"

"I'm good, Dean.  Thanks for rewrapping my ankle for me."

"Welcome."  He walked out with Xander, looking at him.  "She's studying sex magic."

"She does that now and then.  Tara usually stops her."  He texted that to John's phone so he could let Tara know.  Then he walked Dean down the street to the pizza parlor.  He stopped when he heard the growl, studying the area around them, Dean behind him.  "You're not touching the kid.  I don't care what you are."

"Get away from my son," Xander growled, coming out of the alleyway.  "Dean."

"Um..." he said, backing away from both of them.  He grabbed the phone and called Buffy's.  "Two Xander's."  He looked up.  "Coffee shop."  He hung up and stood in the closed doorway.

The first Xander looked at the second one.  "I don't know who you think you are."

Xander stepped closer.  "You really can't dress like me, you might as well give it up."

Sam came jogging over, Buffy behind him.  "Xander!"  They both stared at him.  "Dean, the skinwalker!"

Dean looked then at them. "I can't shoot them both.  Also it hasn't killed Mom."

"No, he's on patrol with us," Buffy said.

"No, I got there late," Xander said dryly, the growling one.  "Dean and I were talking earlier."

"Talking?" the first one said.

"No, we were," Dean agreed.  "One of you tell me where my birthmark is."

"Better yet, let's see the stomachs, guys," Buffy ordered.  "Unless you know Xander you don't know to put that there."

"It reads in his aura," Sam said quietly. "Shirts off, guys."  The growly one took off his.  The other one took off his.  No flaps.  Sam let out a small growl.  He looked at the one with them, who pulled his up, no flap either.

"It's a fucking convention!" Dean said.

"Maybe," Sam agreed.  "Buffy, silver.  To the heart."

"But... they're Xander."

"No, they're not Xander's."  He called home.  "Where are you?"  He smiled.  "Why are you taking the east cemetery route?"  Buffy groaned, slapping herself on the head.  "That's fine.  Stay there.  Watch out for multiple yous."  He hung up.  "He's off on the east route, where we were supposed to start.  Dean, inside the store."  Dean jogged off.  Sam pulled a gun and shot the three around him, watching as they fell dead.  Someone gasped.  He looked over.  "They're not my Xander.  I don't know what they're doing but they're not my Xander.  He's in Parkview."  Buffy snickered.  "He is.  Picking up Spike."  He pulled out a knife and cut off the borrowed skin, peeling it off.  "These are skinwalkers."

"Interesting.  How did you know?"

"One took Dean's identity and ended up dying while wearing it because he had me," Sam said honestly.  "He was accused of killing a few people because of it."  Dean came back out with a new gun, switching off with him.  "What did I say?" he demanded.  "I know you know how to mind."

"Do you need chocolate?" Dean asked dryly.  He walked off shaking his head.  "I hate those things."

Xander and Spike came walking over.  "Hmm, many shirtless Xanders."  He pulled up his to show the bandage, taking it off to show the flap, then he kissed Sam.  "The son didn't see, right?"

"He was in the store.  We've handled these things in the past; he had to kill himself."

"My parents would have a lot to say about that," Willow said.

Xander looked at her.  "Wasn't your ankle wrapped on the other side?"  She opened her mouth.  "WILLOW!"  She looked out of the shop.  "Which ankle is wrapped?"

"Right, but who's she?  Is she the vamp me?"

"No, skinwalkers," Sam called.  "Guard Dean for me please?"  He shot the not-Willow.  "How many of these things are there?"  One of them came out of the shadows to pounce him, trying to fight with him.  This one he could kick the ass of and Xander had the gun when he backed off.  Xander shot it from behind.  Two shots to the heart, one slightly off to the side.  Sam slumped, looking at him.  "Thanks, dear."

"Welcome, snuggly one."  He grinned.  Sam took the gun back, staring at him.  "I'm allowed to call you pet names."

"We ran into a congrie," Spike said.

"Oh, yeah, the stupid candy demons," Buffy said.  "They make us do and say stupid stuff."  She walked Xander off, putting him inside the store too.  "Make sure he's Xander please?"  Willow did something and nodded.  "Good.  Keep him here.  He ran into a stupid candy demon."  She walked back and met herself.  "That might be a problem.  Can they take skills?"

"Some can," Sam said.  The not slayer attacked and Buffy was hard pressed to kill it but Spike grabbed the not-her during the fight and snapped it's neck, eating from it.  "Huh.  The chip can tell.  Interesting use."

Spike growled.  "I hate the headache, Winchester."

A cop came running up.  "Freeze!"  Sam looked at him.  "You?"

"Not humans," Sam said, pointing at the one he had removed some of the skin from.  Buffy moved to remove the limp skin from hers.  The other two were skinned too.  The cop gaped at them in horror.  "Sorry.  They're trying to take on real people's identities.  Silver to the heart is the only way to kill it."

"Aliens?" he demanded.

"No, just annoying," Sam promised.  He walked off to report that.

Willow came limping out.  "We can do a spell to drive them off and make them shed their last skins," she announced.  "Tara?"  She came to help her.  Two hours later, the rest of them around town screamed and ran off, ripping off their old skins on the way.  Willow beamed at Sam.  "How's that?"

"Warn Angel," John ordered.  "They're a big problem."  Buffy moved to call down there. He shook his head.  "That's how Dean died?"

"Yeah, he had to kill the one pretending to be him who had me," Sam told him.

"Charming," Xander said, patting Dean on the back.  He was asleep next to him.  "The other problem?"

"So cute!" Buffy cooed.  "It's three feet tall and has pokey things.  I nearly laughed myself into having an accident."

"Dead," John assured him.  "I shot it when she nearly had the accident."  Xander smirked at that.  "Let's see the stomach, kid."

Xander showed him.  "The labor hurt, took nearly two hours and I couldn't have drugs."

"You know, the one who had Dean was slightly telepathic," Sam teased.

"Sweetie, if you *ever* want to have ass sex again, shut up," Xander told him, giving him a look.  Sam laughed and kissed him.

"Not overtop of me!" Dean complained.  He moved.  "I don't need to know more about gay sex.  I like women.  Give me a sister or something," he said, sounding grumpy.

"Awww, someone's grumpy," Buffy cooed.

Dean gave her a look. "Finish that, watch me paint all your clothes with stuff to weaken the fabric so you end up naked your next fight."

"Then you'd get to help me shop," she said smartly.

"Only if you found me."  He gave her a look.  "I can plant a camera too, that way Spike has pictures for the underground who wants to see you naked."  She walked off blushing.  "Just an offer."  He smiled and waved.  Xander leaned over to smack him on the head.  "Ow!"  He looked.  "You said no spanking or I'd turn into you."

"You just did.  Go apologize or I'm tanning your ass."  Dean nodded, going to apologize to her.  He shook his head.  "Yes, that was my mouth he inherited," he said smugly.  Willow gave him a look.  "What?  Like I planted a camera in your room?  It would've embarrassed Tara."  Tara swatted him.

"Son, take him, cure him again," John said tiredly.

"This isn't a smutty mind, Dad," Sam said.  He looked at Xander.  "Are you possessed?"

"Am I supposed to answer that?"

Spike groaned.  "Yes, he is."  He let them do the exorcism, no matter how much Xander struggled.  Sam was good, he got both the spirits out of there within minutes.  "He good?"

Sam was pounced and kissed. "Yup," he said between kisses.  "Normal."

Buffy came back with Dean.  "Eww!  Go home and do that!  Some of us are dateless and it's mean to make out in front of us unless you're sharing!"

"Me first," Anya pouted.  "No fair doing that and not sharing, Sam!"

Sam got up and grabbed Dean.  "Did he apologize?"  Buffy nodded.  "Good.  We're going to make sure he's not possessed the same way his mother was."  He carried Dean out, letting him toss the keys back at their dad on the way out the door.  Xander got drug out by John and handed over. "Thanks.  Call us off work tomorrow?"   He got in to drive them home, taking Xander to cure his smutty mind.  He ended up doing another exorcism to get the incubus out of him but that was fine too.  It had made an interesting bout of sex that time.  He had been directing from the back of Xander's mind.

Downstairs, Dean had his head under the pillow, trying to block them out.  "Don't forget to claim him, Mom!" he finally yelled.

"Shut up, son, or no sister ever," Xander called back.

"Meany."  He put his head back under the pillow and eventually fell asleep that way.   It was weird thinking about what his parents were doing and he did *NOT* need to know.

Sam rolled over on top of Xander, kissing him.  "Still thinking?"

"I'm not sure I can handle this at the slower pace," he said quietly.

"I think you'll do great at it."  Xander grinned and took a kiss.  "Now, what's this I said about calling off work?"

"You did say that, yes.  I was wondering why."

"Because I have to go christmas shopping for the heathen downstairs and so do you."

"I asked, he said to get him something practical."

"Of course he did.  What did he want?"

"A new gun or knife or something like that."

"Hmm.  Nope."  He took a kiss with a grin.  "I have an idea.  Go with me?"  Xander nodded.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  He should be spoiled since it is technically his first christmas.  I was going to get him a membership for the gun range too."

"He'll like that," Sam promised, stroking over his stomach.  "You know, no matter what, I'm not leaving."  He looked at him again.  "Not even when you try to drive me away."

Xander flipped him over.  "Sam, you couldn't stand to do this for years on end and I can't travel like you guys do.  I like to travel but not that much.  I want to see things, not make quiet entrances and quick exits from small towns."

"There's a way around that."

Xander kissed him.  "Let's not talk about this tonight?  Please?  I'm tired and you'll be a brute for sex in the morning."  He cuddled in.  "Besides, Dean has to make his decision so you can make yours."

"Fine," he said dryly, looking down at him.  Xander was already asleep, or a reasonable facsimile of being asleep, so he smiled and settled in to stroke and cuddle his mate.  Even if he wouldn't take that final step, any of them, and it was driving him nuts.   He and Dean would talk tomorrow while Xander found his present.  See what they had talked about earlier when he had heard them talking and left.

***

Xander looked at Sam, then at the holiday celebration they had walked in from work on.  "Are we going to go blind from all the tinsel?" Xander called.  Everyone stared at him.  "Morning.  Why are you decorating my place instead of Buffy's mom's?"

"We feel like it," Buffy said happily. "Dean should have a tree this year.  Since I know you guys weren't going to put one up we did.  Bastest has been very helpful."  She pointed upstairs.  "She was trying to eat the Solstice stuff."

"Ah," Sam said, going to check on their very unhappy cat, watching as she ran for the litterbox.  "Thanks."  He looked at Dean, who shrugged.  It was two weeks to Solstice.  "Fine with us."  Xander gave him a look.  "What?"

"That means they get to come over at dawn on Christmas morning for presents."

"We'd be on our way to Joyce's," Sam pointed out.

"That means I have to wear pants to bed that night and you have to wait longer for your present."

Sam smirked back.  "We can get dressed when they break in."  The cat came back to nuzzle his leg, letting him pick her up to pet her.  "What's wrong?  Did the shiny stuff scare you?" he asked her, earning a purr.

"She's being a butt," Willow told him.  "Why did you guys get a familiar anyway?"

"She was Annabelle's last kitten," Dean said quietly.  "Annabelle was special to me and Sammy wanted to spoil Xander with a pet."  He took his cat and sat down to pet her, watching what was going on.  "It's lopsided."

"We know," Tara assured him.  "We're not strong enough to tighten it down."  Sam got down to tighten the tree while they got it straight with Dean's guidance.  Dean finally came over to help place ornaments with the ladies while Xander made eggnog and Sam undid the lights.  Tara went over to get a drink, hugging Xander.  "You can help."

He looked at her.  "Then the fight would start and I'll have to sleep on the roof."

"It won't.  Sam would never make you sleep anywhere other than the balcony," she teased.

"Don't tempt him.  He was eating beans earlier," Dean shouted.  Willow tickled him and Sam helped.  He kicked Sam but was more gentle with Willow until he finally bit her gently to get free.

"Hey!  Have you had your rabies shot?" she demanded.  "And where has your mouth been?"

Dean started to open his mouth to say 'less interesting places than yours has been if you're good to Tara' but Sam covered it. "Don't need to air that thought, Dean.  Unless you want to be doing PT all night?"  Dean shook his head so he uncovered it.  "Go help your mother."  Dean went to do that while he got back to doing the lights for them.  He was taller so he could reach the star to plug the light in up there.

Dean hugged Xander.  "Helping?"

"I am helping.  I'm feeding you guys."

Dean looked at him.  "There's not going to be a fight, Xander."

"You're not Willow's parents."

"Yay me, I'm never going to ignore my kids.  There's still not going to be a fight."  He pulled him away from the stove, bringing him over to help.  Willow gave him a horrified look.  "What?  He should help, it's our tree."

"He doesn't do trees, Dean.  I'm not sure he does Christmas outside the Charlie Brown special."

"We watch those?" Sam asked hopefully.  "I haven't seen one in years."

"Yeah, we always watch them," Xander told him.

"Xander can even Snoopy Dance," Willow said proudly.

Dean looked at Xander.  "Usually you can't dance at all."  Xander stuck his tongue out then smirked at him.

"We dance together very well," Sam protested.

"That's because you don't dance either," Dean reminded him.  He sat down to help with the lower lights, looking at his cat.  "Don't chew on this.  It'll hurt you."  She meowed and batted at him, getting a pet back.  She loved on him then went to pounce Xander to love on him, making him sit down to pet her since she was trying to climb him.

"Sure, Bastest, I'll pet you."  He stroked her.  "Put the green one higher so it'll look even," he said.  Willow gave him an odd look.  "It'll balance out the shiny one on the other side."

"You're lopsided," Willow told him, putting it where she wanted it.  Sam moved it on her.  "Hey!"

"Our tree," he said dryly, giving her a look.  She pouted but let it go.  Even if he agreed that Xander was wrong but they weren't supposed to be perfectly even.  It wasn't a decorator tree.   He smiled at Xander, going to get some eggnog for him and Dean.  "No liquor, right?" he teased Tara.

"Oh, no.  None in the house."  She finished pouring mugs, handing them out with him.  She snuggled in beside Xander, petting the cat with him.  "You're very helpful, Bastest.  That's why we have a small ceramic tree at the dorm."  She purred at her but stayed snuggled in her father's arms.  "She's very comfy here."

"She's been visiting the witch up the street again," Xander said dryly.  "Even when we don't leave the balcony open she ends up smelling like Old Lady Marple's perfume."  Willow shuddered.  "Familiars pick their owners.  I know that."  He went back to petting her.

"I'm getting her a locating chip," Sam said.

"Put one on yourself while you're at it so I quit losing you too," Dean joked.  "Plus an alarm in case you're ever possessed again."

"I need to make one of those for Xander," Willow told him, giving Xander a look.

"You need to learn how to banish first," Xander said, giving her a look back.  "Before the next time you and Anya call up an incubus for sex tips and it decides I'm a fun residence too."

She gave Sam a horrified look.  "I didn't..."

"I pulled it out of him, Willow.  That's where he said he came from."

"Oh, poop," she muttered.

Tara looked at Willow.  "We'll be talking later."

"Yes, Tara," she said meekly.  Tara smiled and gave her a kiss so she knew she was only in a little bit of trouble instead of major trouble.

"Now I remember why I liked...."  Xander nudged him with his foot.  "Sorry, older thought again."

Xander looked at Dean.  "I've noticed those coming back.  Aren't you a bit young?"

"No, I noticed them before, just couldn't do anything with them."

"Fine."  He stood up, handing Tara the cat.  "Come on, son."

"But...." he pointed.

Xander checked the clock.  "We'll be back within an hour.  There'll still be tinsel wars by then."  He pulled him up and walked him off.  "There are ways of expressing those urges in a socially acceptable manner that won't get you more than looks and the occasional pat on the shoulder from a woman who'll point out that women aren't built like that."  He got them into his car and took them to his favorite shop, weathering the odd look.  "You can't walk around with a Playboy all day, Dean.  Or a Hustler.  You can walk around with a comic or manga and they have their own version of porn with some of the nicest built women you've ever seen."  He walked him inside, getting his usual ones handed over.  "Thank you.  This is my son Dean.  He's ten now.  I'm showing him the better version of Playboy."  The comic shop owner laughed and pointed.  He walked Dean around the store, picking up a few things, then stopped in one back corner, handing him one of the books there.  "Flip through it."

Dean opened it and gaped.  "She's...."  He stared at Xander.  "Wow.  No, I've never met a woman built like that."

"Yup, and you can carry that around allllll day long and only get fond looks and maybe an occasional geek comment."  He handed him the other stuff and a new book, plus a DVD.  "Because you can watch it with your Dad and freak him out.  Either one."  He smirked.  Dean looked at it, gaping in awe.  "Anime and Manga are the Japanese answer to letting out those social urges.  Everyone from kids on up to really old men read those sort of things.  And people wonder why I used to be a comic book geek."  Dean gave him a hug, getting a grin and a pat.  "Come on.  Let's check out."  They checked out together and Xander paid, taking him back home.  "There you go."

Dean put things up so he could finish decorating the tree with the family, including his father since he was off work.  It was fun and the girls had quit fighting.  Even if that one ornament was going to drive him insane.  Xander moved it on them and put it back where it should go.  The others groaned.  John groaned the loudest.  But oh well, it was the family tree and Xander was the mom in this family.  The others finally left for dinner and Dean brought out one of his comic books, getting a horrified look from Sammy and his father giving him an odd one.  He showed his dad why with a leer.  "Xander pointed out no one will give me more than geeky looks for carrying it around like I would a Playboy."

"Son, once it starts working, you have a year to get it under control.  Just like last time we had to have this talk."  He put the comic book aside but Xander gave it back to him.  "You can't support that."

"If he's going to look at naked women I'd rather have him look at naked cartoon women than real ones, John.  At least until he's old enough to go to the titty bar with me."  John gaped at him, looking horrified.  Xander gave him a look. "I tried to road trip right after graduation and broke down in Oxnard."  John shuddered.  "Yeah, I worked at the Nite."  He went back to cooking.

Sam picked up the comic to look at.  "I've never seen a pair of those that were natural."

"Me either, but the comic ones looks a lot better than the plastic surgery one," Xander told him.  "Plus it's socially acceptable.  He can carry it around all day if he wants.  They're cheaper than Hustlers or Penthouses.  If he doesn't get them nasty or wrinkled they could be worth something some day."  He grinned. "Most of them are even PG or PG-13 at the most until you get into hentai."

"That would be porn, Xander," Sam said firmly.  "Not until he's sixteen."

"That's only in six months," Dean reminded him.  Sam glared.  He grinned back.  "This way women will think I'm cute and have no clue what to do with a woman until I prove the first one wrong.  Because I do have those memories too."  He got back to his comic book but his father took it away from him and Xander handed it back, smacking John on the head as he walked past him.  "Mom rules the house," Dean quipped, shifting away from John this time.

Sam went to look at the stuff they had brought home, confiscating the DVD.  "Not until you're old enough to try it out."

Dean took it and pointed at the rating. "PG-13, Sammy.  I'm allowed to watch those. You let me."  He grinned and went back to it.

"It's not hentai, dear," Xander said smugly.  "He has to specially order those or download them.  I will warn you, when you do start doing that, you'll run into a lot of stuff with consent issues.  So if that bothers you be careful of what you download," Xander told Dean.  Who nodded.

"Not on my laptop he's not," Sam said dryly.  "Or in the public library.  They won't let you either, Dean."

"Your laptop's older and Willow has high speed downloading," Xander quipped happily.   "That's how we got the movie collection."  Sam walked off groaning. "Speaking of, I got the new Batman off her earlier, Dean.  Wanna watch with me?"

"Sure, Mom."

"I want to preview this DVD first," John ordered.  Sam handed it to him.  He went to watch it on the set in the boys' bedroom, blinking at it.  "Why are they in chainmail bikinis?" he called.

"Because the Japanese wanted them in chainmail bikinis," Xander called back.  "The same as there's a sports network that shows bikini wearing women in combat boots doing shooting contests."

"Now *that's* my sport," Dean said happily.  "Do we get it here?"

"Only if you want to pay for digital cable," Xander quipped.  "And block out the dog fighting channel."  He looked at Sam.  "You let him watch mud wrestling with you."

"Point," he muttered, walking off shaking his head to preview this DVD too.  He sat on the foot of his bed, staring at it.  "It has a plot, I'm amazed."  They kept going.  Except for the heroine using a really long, phallic sword while wearing a chainmail bikini that barely covered her butt cheeks or nipples, he couldn't object to it.   John stomped off grumbling.  Sam came down the stairs and got handed a plate of food.  "It wasn't bad.  It has a plot, which is nice.  You can watch it but you have to get a lecture from Willow and/or Tara and/or Giles on the societal reasons behind Manga and Anime."  Dean shrugged, he could block that out when the girls started to rant.

"Speaking of, I have to go to that swap meet tomorrow after work," Xander said, eating a bite of dinner.  Dean gave him a look.  "No, there'll be hentai there, Dean.  Probably showing.  John would try to spank me if I brought you.  When you're sixteen I'll bring you."  Dean shrugged but nodded and dug in.  His comics were safe enough for now.  "You know, there's two that deal with supernatural creatures and we've found they actually got a lot of facts right," Xander said.  John dropped his fork to stare at him in horror.  He grinned and nodded.  "I picked up one of them.  The other comes out next week."  He ate another bite.

Sam went to find Xander's stack of comics, finding which one it was.  He came down waving it, getting a nod.  He sat down to read it over.  "I've heard of a few of these."

Xander leaned over.  "According to Giles' books, this one is right and real.  That one's real but not fully correct, more based on mythology, and that one's real and right.  The one controlling everything is one that's never been heard about so we don't know.  The imps are fully wrong and so are the last two things in the ep because they close out every one."  He went back to eating.

Sam went back to reading.  "That can't be right."  He looked at Xander. "I know it's not right."

"The one we fought and the books say it is."

"The one we fought wasn't," Sam complained.

"Sunnydale," Dean quipped.  He took it to look at then at Xander.  "Which books?"

"The green one in the back of the reading room.  It's the only mention any of us could find on it.  I asked.  About a year ago he did a full summoning rite volume and only missed one step to call up a Highest demon.  That's the level of D'Hoffryn."  Dean shuddered.  "So he's got the books at the very least.  He depends on mythology a lot.  We've had a few kids who've come in to ask if some things are real.  Depending on the kid and which one of us they ask we tell them.  I usually give honest answers.  Willow says no.  Giles is cautious unless the kid's from a family that already knows about witches."  He ate another bite, waving his fork.

"May I?" John asked, getting it from Sam.  He looked it over, blinking at some of it.  "This is how that stupid little brat got that rite that annoyed us last week," he said.  Xander smirked and nodded.  "The one last month?"

"It was in May of last year.  That's how I knew to cancel it.  I usually take a day to research each issue to see if there's anything we can deal with.  Just in case."  He stuffed his mouth again, winking at Dean.  Once he had swallowed he looked at him. "He swears up and down he's going to be summoning a succubus next month. We'll have to see."

"Is he here?" Dean asked.

"No.  We think he's the son or grandson of a Watcher.  We're not really sure."

"Damn it," Dean said.  "Have we run into them?"  Sam nodded.  "Repeatedly?"

"A few times.  Do we have the other issues?"

"With complete research on each of the creatures, monsters, and rites he uses," Xander agreed. "In the closet in the box marked dangerous."

"I'll go through it later," John said, putting that one down too.  "It's an instruction manual."

"He weaves a good story around it," Xander told him.  "I know kids who read it for the story, not the mystical stuff."

"Interesting.   And here I thought they were frivolous trash."

"You know, Willow found this out, the guy who created Wonder Woman did it because there weren't any good female role models in comics for girls to aspire towards, not only as a patriotic model but as a leader in a female body.  He's the guy who created the lie detector."

"Stanford had a class on the physics of comic books," Sam admitted. "It's a tough class to get into.  It closes really quickly for a higher level physics class.  I heard MIT has one too."

"Our evil geek trio have arguments over their comics of choice.  One's a Marvel boy, one's a DC boy, and one likes them both and independents.  It's his brother that runs the shop."

"Evil geek trio?" John asked, looking confused.

"Ah, you haven't met them.  Have you seen the Buffybot?"  Sam choked.  "He has apparently.  They built her.  It's fantastic.  Looks and sounds like her.  Can't tell the difference when she's doing her airhead act.  Runs on science that Willow can't fully describe in little words.  They only want to take over the world so we hear from them now and then but they're nice enough guys most of the time.  Two of them will be at the swap meet tomorrow."  He cleaned his plate and went to get seconds.  "Dean?"

"Please," he said, cleaning his plate and bringing it in, sharing a conspiratorial wink with his mom.  He was so cool sometimes!  He had managed to freak out his dad with a comic book.  Now *that* was a skill.

***

Dean opened his eyes on Christmas morning.  Someone was howling.  He got up to look at the cat.  "Are we bored?" he asked.  "I can play with you."  He looked at the tree.  The ornament had been shifted back by Sam before he went to bed.  He shifted it for Xander, liking where it was now that he was used to it.  He fed the cat and cleaned her litterbox, which they had forgotten.  She used it while he was doing that.  "Thank you, very helpful, Bastest.  Do I have any other presents coming from you?"  She walked off, going to stare at the twinkling tree.  "Who plugged it in?" he asked quietly.  It had been shut off and he knew the 'rents had went to bed at the same time he had.  He had stayed up reading for an hour and they had been snoring by then.  He looked at the presents, seeing some very fancy ones.  Anya had given to charity, her one time a year by using the charity wrapping people in the mall.  He looked at the other stuff.  One made him look around.  It was still dark.  "Dru," he said quietly, staring around.  She came out of the bathroom.  "Were you cleaning?  Mom will appreciate not having to make Sammy clean the shower."

"Such a silly cub," she said, coming over to stroke his cheek.  He pulled his face away.  "Spirited too.  Very good, cub."  She stared at him, smiling a bit.  "You'll be so lovely when you finish growing.  Just what Mummy needs to make her better."

"My mom's fine," Dean said dryly.  He glanced at the door, still closed and someone was snoring.  He looked at her again.  "I'm not going to be turned, Dru."

She giggled and kissed him on the forehead.  "We shall see.  The stars told Miss Edith you are going to be my little prince.  Like my William, only naughtier.  Such a naughty cub."  She ran a fingernail down his nose, giggling when he batted at her.  "Silly cub.  You'll learn to like Mummy's touch.  Very soon now."  She inhaled.  "Dirtiness like that should be cleaned and then have you fixed."

"Sorry, gotta give Sammy nephews to make him go nuts."  She gave him a pout.  "Not working, Dru.  Go away.  Now.  I'm not going to let you hurt my family.  They won't yell at me if I stake you."

"Silly one.  There's no stakes here."  Dean pulled out his from his back waistband, earning a frown.  "Little cubs should not play with weapons."  She tried to take it but he punched her.  She smiled.  "That's my good cub.  You'll learn very well.  I left you a special present and one for your Mummy as well."  She leaned closer.  "Don't worry, you won't miss them for long, my prince.  They'll be pretty kittens with you and we'll be a happy family again."  She walked out of the house and down the stairs to the front door.

"We have *got* to find out how she does that," Dean shouted.  Sam opened the bedroom door.  "Dru was here.  She left me and Xander a present."

"Is she Santa?" Sam asked.

"I don't know.  But I'm going to take Spike's place for her."

"Uh-huh," Sam said, nodding some.  "Where was she?"

"Bathroom."  They went to look, finding the small sliding portal that used to be for a dumbwaiter or a laundry tube.  They groaned, sealing it for the night.  They'd let Xander fix it in the morning.  They headed back to bed, Bastest climbing in with Dean.  He looked at her.  "That's a good reason to howl.  Thank you, sweetheart."  He petted his cat, making her happy to snuggle with him.

***

Xander came down the next morning after the first squeal.  He opened the door on the way to the coffeemaker, grunting at it since it was empty and on.  Sam gently moved him two steps to the right and turned off the empty pot before it burned.  Xander grunted at the coffee mug that was full and light and creamy, how he liked.  He leaned over to sniff then looked around.  "Who put plasma in my coffee!" he demanded.

"Dru might've rinsed your cup for you," Dean said from his chair with his new comic book.  "We found out how she's getting in."  Xander walked out and picked him up to look at him.  "Want me to speak slower?" he asked dryly.

"Make more sense.   Dru is not Santa.  Santa is a demon who likes to kill kids."

"She was using the old dumbwaiter or laundry tube hole," Sam told him.  "Put Dean down, Dear.  You can have my coffee."  He waved it and Xander let their son sit down, taking it to inhale it.  Someone was already making a second pot and was washing Xander's cup for him.

Joyce walked in and looked around.  "We're all here?"

"Dru broke in last night," Sam said with a grin.

"Santa's a demon who eats kids?" Dean asked Buffy.

"Yeah, has been for years.  He snuck down to eat a few kids every year.  The present thing Giles explained to me but went *way* over my head.  Ask him."  She gave him a hug.  "I see Xander got you his version of slutty women instead of the normal one."  She walked off shaking her head, adjusting the ornament.  Xander swatted at her and put it back.  "Fine, you win.  Your tree."

Xander looked at Joyce, still looking confused.  "Shouldn't we be at your house?"

"It's Dean's first christmas, of course we're all here, Xander."  Xander nodded and headed back to the coffee pot.

"We found how Dru was getting in last night," Dean said.

"Good," Buffy agreed.  "Have we sealed it up?"

"We're waiting on Mom to wake up.   Mom, Dru left you a present."

"Dru might eat babies and wear red velvet but she doesn't leave presents, son."

"She comes up through the bathroom," Sam said.  Xander took his third cup that way once he had inhaled his second one, finding the spot they had left open.  Then he went to get his tools and went back to close the sucker.  Sixteen nails later and it was well sealed.  Nothing was getting up it.  Not even air.  He walked back out, dropping his toolbelt beside the door.  He picked up Dean and sat down, putting him back on his lap.  He looked at the comic book.  "Not the supernatural one?"

"Nah, I'll do those later this week," Dean said with a grin.  "Does she always wear that outfit?"  He pointed at one.

"The White Queen?  Sometimes.  Sometimes it's thigh highs and a white bikini with a cape."  He shrugged.  "They have a *fine* appreciation for her form."

Joyce looked.  "Real women aren't built like that, Dean," she said patiently, giving him a pat on the head.  She went to look at the tree.  Xander and Dean shared a look.  If Dean had been reading a Playboy he would've been beaten.  He could stand being patted on the head for looking at semi-naked drawn women.

"We've said he can't watch the DVD Xander got him featuring the chainmail bikini warrior with the sword until one of you ladies or Giles has a talk about the societal reason for anime," Sam said.

Willow looked at him.  "Because guys in Japan are too polite to look at the slutty stuff you usually would.  They created it to blow off that steam easier.  Though, do watch out for consent issues in the harder stuff.  Some of the stuff I've downloaded for Xander through the years has had some now and then."

"Sure.  Thanks."

Giles looked at him.  "No reading filth."

"He's going to get into the supernatural one next week, Giles," Sam told him.

Giles sighed, taking off his glasses to clean them.  "Yes, I've seen that one a few times, Samuel.  He comes in to research the creatures, usually with a D&D Monstrous Compendium as well, which does have some of ours in it admittedly, then gives me a short index list of what was in it and how wrong they got it."  He put back on his glasses.  "I would like to find the little toad who draws that one and throttle him for a few hours."

"Next month is succuba," Xander said dryly.

"Oh dear lord," he muttered, going to make himself some tea.  "We'll be overrun."

"They'll come for Xander anyway," Dean said dryly.  "Easy enough to get them that way."

Buffy snickered, then coughed to hide it.  "Yeah, that might be a plan," she agreed.  Her mother and Sam gave her a look.  "What? I'm not suggesting Sam share.  We all know he doesn't share.  He wouldn't even share his chocolate with me when I had PMS."

"I got it for Xander," he defended.

She pouted.  "I needed it more.  He doesn't need more.  He gets bouncy."

"I like him bouncy," Sam countered with a smirk.

"Eww, gay boy sex," she complained. "No gay boy sex on christmas morning."  She looked at him.  "At least you're dressed.  Didn't get the special present last night?"

"I did and it was good.  I slept like a baby until Dean complained about Dru."

"Even through Bastest yowling," Dean agreed dryly.  His dad walked in, did a quick head count, then closed the door.  "We're all here.  Who gets first present?  I can't figure out which ones came from Dru yet."

"Excuse me?" John demanded.

"Showed up just before dawn, Dad," Sam told him.  "Bastest woke Dean.  Xander sealed how she got in just now."  Xander grunted, half asleep again.  It was two hours too early for him to be up yet. Sam smiled, taking a picture of Xander snoring into the back of Dean's head.

"You did it often enough, bitch," Dean joked.

"Oh, whine, jerk.  Like you didn't enjoy every single minute since you're always cold."

"Boys, no calling each other names," Joyce snapped.  "Not until he's old enough to roll around on the floor with you."

"Yes, Joyce," they said in unison.

"Gee, Mom, ready just in case Xander has another one?" Buffy joked.  She found a few presents in the tree itself and pulled them down.  "Here's Dru's."  She handed them to Giles, who handed them to Dean.

He opened his, finding a music CD.  "Opera.  Yay me."  He handed it to Giles. "More your strength than mine."  He found the gift certificate folded in the card.  "Can I keep the fifty bucks to the music store?"  Sam and John both nodded.  He put that aside and opened the small box for Xander, looking at the pearly white solution.  "I have no idea what you are."

Willow took it to look at closer.  "Probably ruined by now since it looks like it should be frozen."  She went to put it on a kitchen shelf then came back.  "Okay.  Real presents?"  Everyone settled around, Dean staying where he was.  If he moved Xander would flinch awake and be unhappy.  "Let's let Dean open his first since it's his first holiday," she suggested, sorting them out by person and passing them as efficiently as any dealer ever had in Vegas.  John shoved the coffee table closer to Dean so he could reach his stash.

"Wow, I cleaned up," he said happily.  The 'before' pictures were taken and picked up the first one.  "From...  Cordelia sent me something?  Interesting."  He opened it, finding a nice plain, ordinary henley style shirt in dark green.  "Awww.  It's even in my normal size."

"It'll look good against your eyes too," Buffy said.  "Plus it's dark enough for sneaking around in at night."

"It is," Dean agreed happily.  In the bottom was a small gift certificate to a local store.  "And a gift certificate so I don't dress like Mom."  He showed it and grinned, letting them take pictures.  He put it aside.  He could wear that soon enough.  "How did she know my usual size?"

"Probably asked one of the hunters, who asked Ellen," John said.  "That'd make sense."  He pushed over one.  "Here, mine."

Dean looked, smiling at it.  Totally practical.  "I needed a new gun cleaning kit and a new whetstone, thanks, sir."  He grinned and put it aside.  He found one from Giles, smiling at the instruction book on how to pick up women.  He grinned at him.  "I needed the help?"

"With the dreadful lines you've used on the ladies in the last few months, yes," he said blandly.  Buffy and Willow both giggled.  "If not, pass it onto siblings so you can teach them better."

"I can do that.  Thank you, Giles."  He put it aside and found Willow's shifting closer magically.  "Is it alive?  Or did you maybe wrap fish?" he asked.

"No, I got your cat some gourmet cat food."  She smirked.  "The funny thing was, his parents actually put them in a glass of water expecting them to be alive."  Dean and Sam both shook their heads. "Yeah.  I didn't mean to give him dead pets, but that was worse.  Open it!"

He opened it, smiling at the new music.  "Thanks, Willow.  I do like them."  He gave her a quick hug, getting more pictures taken.  He found a light pink envelope with kitties, knowing it was Tara's gift, so he opened it next.  He cackled and got up to hug her, making Xander wake up and mumble, then curl up on his side.  "Give me a second, Mom.  Let me hug Auntie Tara for getting me leather pants."

"Buffy said everyone should have one pair," she said with a shy smile.  "You can wear them to the Renfair with me next weekend if you want."

Dean nodded. "I'll go with you.  It's a good way to learn swordwork.  Plus leer at pretty girls who expect it."  She pinched him so he laughed before going back to his seat.  Xander pulled him closer, tucking him in next to him to hold.  "Can't reach the presents, Mom."  Xander snored in his ear.  More pictures were taken, making him shake his head.  "He's going to kick himself for missing this."

"I've had the camera set up since I got up," Sam assured him.  "Besides, he was trying to put together your other present late last night after you finally fell asleep."  He handed over the others.  "So you don't wake him up."

Dean grinned, letting them take another picture.  "Pretty soon I'll be in magazines," he joked with a grin.  A few more got taken by Tara, making him snicker.  He opened the next envelope.  "Thanks, Buffy.  I could use the new t-shirts."  She grinned.  He put that gift certificate aside.  He had plenty of clothes for now but for later he might need some.  He had two last envelopes.  One was unmarked.  One was in black with satanic symbols.  That had to be Sam's.  It fit his quirky sense of humor.  He opened the plain one, smiling at Joyce.  "Thanks, Grandma."  He gave her a hug.  "She got me a year's membership to the gun range."

"We were going to but she said she did," Sam agreed.  "Before you ask, the other one's from Missouri."

He opened it, smiling at it.  "To the shop in New Orleans we get ammo out of.  I'll call her later."

"She said you're welcome and don't worry about it.  She'd have crying people all day over family stress."  Everyone gave him odd looks.  "She's a psychic."

"Oh," Buffy said.  "Wow.  I should see her.  See when I'm going to die the next time." Joyce, Willow, and Giles all swatted her.

"Isn't the primary group rule don't get dead?" Dean asked dryly.

"Yeah but I'm special and I've already bent it once."  She smirked.  "We should find out the next one so Xander can warp that prophecy too.  Plus so I can find a dress that I look as good in as I did last time."  Her mother swatted her again.  "Sorry, Mom, but I did get a lot of compliments on it."

She rolled her eyes.  "If I had known I would've gotten you something practical with weapons."

"I can't do goth, Mom.  I look stupid," she complained.  Xander shifted and dragged Dean to the other side, cuddling with him that way.  That got more pictures taken.  "He's still going to kick himself for missing this."

"Dean can't have his last present until Xander's awake," Sam assured her.  "He'll want to see that one the most.  He figured you guys got him clothes and music.  Who's next?"

"Me," Willow said, shifting so she could open her stack.  Mostly clothes and credit with Giles.

Giles looked at her.  "That should cover the book you just bought," he said dryly.  Everyone laughed.  He smiled at his stack of music and book gift certificates.  Plus a more practical one from John with the card of 'sometimes a man has to have it when the kids drive you nuts'.  He laughed at the certificate for the liquor store.  "Indeed," he assured him.

Willow swatted him.  "He doesn't need to drink.  Some of us are angels."  Giles and John both gave her looks, Joyce laughed.  "Fine.  Maybe not me...."  Joyce laughed louder.

"I can change yours out if you want," John offered her.

"I'm sure whatever you got me is very nice, John," she said with a smile, going onto her stack.  "The new holders I need.  Thank you."  She gave him a short hug.  Giles had gotten her the same thing.  "I needed a lot of those, so thank you both."  Giles got the same short hug.  The others were mostly small certificates to local stores: the coffee shop and bakery for the most part.  Xander had gotten her one to the post office.  She smiled.  "For the office correspondence and all the times he's stolen stamps from the office," she explained to the curious looks.  They smiled and nodded.  Xander had stolen stamps off Giles and the girls a few times too.  He never had stamps when he needed them and it was always after the post office was closed.

"Tara?  Or Buffy, ladies first?" Sam offered.  Tara blushed but opened hers, mostly practical things for her magic.  Xander had gotten her a gift certificate for the cat supplies she used, making her smile.  Sam had gotten her a good blank book so she could write her spells down.  He got a hug for it.  "They're important and some day you'll use them to train others," he said gently.  "Even my kids maybe."  She smiled and nodded.  Buffy had gotten her candles.  Willow had gotten her a new box for her herbs.  Giles had gotten her a new brazier for burning things on during spells, a silver one since her last one was only silver plated.  Joyce had gotten her one to her favorite clothing store, getting a shy smile too.

"Of course you need something new to wear, dear.  You have to be pretty for Willow."  She smiled brighter and nodded.

John looked over when she opened his.  "Every witch needs a good atheme and sword for their altar," he said casually.  "Yours sucked and was weak if you had to use it when someone summons another demon."

Willow squeaked.  "It was an accident."

Buffy shook her head.  "Don't remind me.  Please?  I got a screaming wake up at three in the morning.  The night before a test.  I was not a happy slayer."  She looked at them. "Mother of pearl handles.  That'll go well with your formal robe," she said happily.  Tara blushed but nodded at that.

"Thank you, John," she said.

"You're welcome, princess."  She blushed brighter.  "Where I got them is inside.  They carry some used regular swords too."  She smiled and tucked it into her lap, opening her last one.  It was a long letter from someone she knew back home.  Willow had tracked her down and sent her the college address so she could hear from her.  John sat up.  "My turn or do you want, Buffy?"

"You go.  I know most of mine are for clothes."

"Xander's isn't," Sam said.

She found his and opened it, bursting out laughing.  "He said I need a better dress so he got me one to the goth shop that the vamps shop in.  So I can get new leather pants, Mom."

"No you can't," she promised.

"Fine.  We'll see what I like there."  She looked.  The rest were clothing.  Tara had gotten her some hammered silver earrings.  She gave her a hug.  "They'll go good with the new outfits for the new boots."  Tara grinned and nodded.  "Maybe I'll find the time to get pretty for a good reason."

John opened his first one, smiling at the certificate for the range time.  "Thanks, Sam."

"Welcome.  Figured you and Dean would want to go again."  Dean grinned at him, looking a bit sleepy.  "If you fall asleep we'll wait breakfast for you.  Or at least hold some back."

"Thanks, Dru got me up."  He yawned and shifted to face Xander, curling up next to him to fall asleep that way, still cuddled.  More pictures were taken but he was cute, it was to be expected.

John smirked.  "I can hear the smartass thought from here."  He opened Dean's next, smiling at it.  "Ammo gift certificate.  I needed that."  He put it aside.  Buffy had gotten him a small one to a leather shop.  "Thanks, Buffy."

"Your jacket has rips.  You can get a repair kit or whatever.  They make the ones with the sprinkle on stuff."

"I'll find something good," he promised with a smile.  He kept opening.  Tara and Willow had gotten him a joint gift of a new pocket knife.  "Thanks, ladies.  It's a beautiful knife."  They both smiled at him.  Giles had gotten him one from the liquor store, making him laugh.  "Yes, I do need it with my boys playing," he said, cracking Giles up and getting a nod.  Joyce had gotten him a tasteful new journal.  "Thank you."

"Your old one was almost full."

He opened Xander's last, expecting something cutesy or odd.  Instead he got a certificate to the pawn shop.  He looked over, then held it up.  "Where is this place?"

Buffy beamed.  "I'll show you later.  They'll be open today."  He looked clueless.  "You know that shop down by Willie's?  The blue and black store with the painted windows?"  He nodded slowly.  "That's the local demonic thug's pawn shop for when they need money for beer at Willie's."  He smirked at that.  "He's gotten a few good pieces down there."

"I'll thank him later.  It's a good present for a hunter.  What did he get Dean?"

"You can wait," Sam told him.  He dug into his.  He grinned at all the clothing gift certificates from Willow, Buffy, Joyce, and Giles.  "Thanks, guys."

"Get something cute so Xander has to pounce you in the car in public again," Buffy quipped.

"Please not outside the store," Giles added.  "We don't need the watching vampires to have another orgy from it."

Joyce gave him a look.  "You are joking, right?"

"Nope, Mom.  They were making the black car rock and the vamps decided to come watch in awe since it was so very cute of them.  A few decided to grope.  One asked me to wait until she had happies before I staked her.  I was nice that night."  She grinned.  "Ten vamps without much problem."

"She complained because she wasn't getting any and a few of them reached for their belts so she had to point out they couldn't compete with Spike or Angel," Sam told her.  Joyce swatted her daughter for that.  "Buffy, the car's an Impala.  Dean will fuss if you call it anything else but his or the Impala.  He's got a private name for it but not even I can use it."

"What is it with guys and their cars?  That's not even a hormone alert car!"

"It's a muscle car," John said.  "It to be *my* muscle car.  Dean claimed it when he was a toddler.  It's been home to the boys for many years."

"Oh.  Okay," she said, shrugging some.  "I still don't understand.  I guess it's since I don't drive."  Sam nodded.  "Fine.  Why don't you have one?"

"Hard to travel with Dean in my own car," he told her.

"Oh."  Xander snuffled. "Are you waking up?  You need to open things."

Xander blinked at her.  "Ten more minutes.  Unless it's a demon?"

"Presents."

"You're not Santa either."  He closed his eyes, smiling when he felt Dean shift.  "There's my teddybear."

"Gonna punch," Dean mumbled.

"Help me open mine?" he whispered.  Dean blinked at him.  "Presents?"

"Yours?"

"Mine.  Then you can have your last one later.  When it's actually light outside."

Dean grinned, sitting up and helping him with his.  Xander got the obligatory clothes from nearly everyone, because they all hated his shirts, workboots from Sam, and a kit and vise to help him sharpen swords.  Xander punched John on the shoulder for that with a sleepy nod.  Dean had gotten him a certificate to his favorite comic place, earning a hug.  "We'll go together," he promised. Dean smirked and nodded.  Xander stood up, putting Dean on his feet.  "I decided you were old enough when Sam brought the idea for your last one to me.  Though, try as I might, I could not put the sucker together.  You will follow every single damn rule or you will not have it and I will sell it on you.  You will wear proper safety gear.  You will even get help polishing her if you want.  Am I clear?"

"So far," he said cautiously.  "What's my other present?"  Sam picked up the camera and Xander led him out to the balcony, opening the doors behind the tree.  Sam got into position since he had Dean's eyes covered.  Xander uncovered his eyes, making him blink at the weak dawn light.  He looked around.  The lounge chair they cuddled in.  The small table for breakfast outside.  A large box.  He walked over, tapping it.  Nothing inside that he could hear moving.  He found the tape holding the side together and opened the flaps, gasping at what was inside.  "Oh.  My.  God," he whispered.  He pounced Sam then Xander.  "Until I can drive?" he said, grinning at him.

Xander nodded, grinning back.  "Until you can drive your car again.  I do mean it about the rules, the safety gear, all that."

"Sure, I can do that.  Do I already have it?"

"You can go pick it out when you get done later," he promised.  "Once you figure out how to put the stupid thing together.  Engines are not my forte."

"What did he get?" Buffy complained.  They opened the door wider.  There was the framework and bits and pieces of the engine to a dirt bike, all laying on a tarp.  It was jet black, had a black leather seat, and a place for a license.  "Wow, way expensive," Buffy complained.  "For six months?"

"It means I'm mobile again," Dean said, patting the seat.  "After me it goes to any kids we have.  That way they can learn how to drive before it's necessary."

"I learned when I was six," Xander said with a small shrug.

"I learned when I was eight," Dean said.  "Sammy when he was ten."  John nodded at that.  "Dad?  Tools?"  Xander pointed at the toolbox.  "Dad?  I'll need sockets and stuff."

"It's in the truck, son."  He handed over the keys, letting Dean run down to get the tools he'd need.  "That's a nice present, boys."

"He's used to driving everywhere.  It's mean to make him walk and he gets frustrated when we drive him places," Sam told him.  "It's a good compromise and safe enough for him, plus an added measure of safety in case something happens."  That got a nod and a smile from everyone.  "I'll help him with the construction, Xander."

Dean ran back in with the toolbox, tossing his dad the keys as he walked past him.  "Thank you!"  He gave him a hug and a kiss.  "Love you."

Xander walked into the kitchen.  He looked in the fridge.  "The looney bitch left what looks like a custard pie with stuff, a salad with fruit stuff, and a pitcher of red stuff."  Joyce came in to see what it was, tasting everything just in case.  She nodded. "Okay, if anyone wants anything else...."  He checked the stove.  "And cinnamon buns too."  Dean gave him an odd look.  "I don't know.  What did she want this time?"

"To tell me I'd be taking Spike's place as her prince and I'd make her feel better.  That I'd learn to like her touch and when not to bat back at her."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "Cinnamon buns?"

Dean came in to get his own plate then went back out there while the others nibbled.  The three Winchester men settled in to work on the bike.  John got the frame to fix what Xander had done upside down.  Sam and Dean tinkered with the motor.  By the time the parade came on tv they had it together and Dean had walked it carefully down the stairs to the truck so John could take him for gas and air for his tires.  He took it on an experimental spin around the parking lot then parked it and came upstairs until he could get the safety gear.  He hugged Xander again.  "I love you too, Mom."  He settled in next to Tara to watch the parade with them.  It was a good parade.  He pulled Sam down when he walked past him.  "Love you too, dipshit."

"Thanks, dickhead."  He patted him on the head and went to get more coffee, then came back to cuddle with Xander.  They'd be tinkering with the bike for weeks to get it to go faster, smoother, get more miles per gallon.  "You never showed me the demonic pawn shop," he said quietly.

"When you were ready to rekit I was going to."  He took his hand to squeeze.

Sam leaned his head on his shoulder.  "We need to look at all the weapons anyway.  A few were acting rough when I had to use them."  Dean and John both stared at him.  "That five month hunt for Xander, guys.  I freed about seventy demonic concubines and playtoys because the demon told me he had put Dean into many demon's favorite playtoy."

"So *that's* how he warps things," Buffy joked.  Xander flipped her off, getting smacked on the shoulder by Tara.  "Are they as good as Sam?"

"Don't know, haven't played board games in years," Xander said dryly.  "As for sleeping with them... should I even start?"

"No," she said, shrinking down.

Willow snickered.

"Miss I-put-a-demon-on-the-internet-and-it-wanted-me-so-badly-it-tried-to-kill-all-of-us," Xander said without having to see who was laughing.

"Now, *that's* a talent," Sam said.

"I didn't put it onto the internet, Miss Calendar did," Willow pouted.

"Uh-huh.  You found it, chatted with it, made it love you and want you enough that it nearly took over everyone, even the evil Microsoft empire," Xander said dryly.

"How many times have we had to rescue you?" Buffy countered.

"How many times was it the end of the world?" Xander shot back.  "Yours tried twice.  The demon robot was trying when it got beaten."  He gave her a look, making her shrink back against her mother's side.

"Don't look at me, Dear.  I couldn't tell Ted was a robot until you knocked him down the stairs for hitting you," Joyce said dryly.  John gave all of them a horrified look.

"It's the hellmouth," Buffy assured him.

"Dean, you can't date here.  I don't care who she is.  Unless your mom clears her for not being any sort of demon, no."

"Gee, thanks, Dad," Sam said dryly.

"You've got yours and there's no indication he's a demon," he said, giving him a mild scowl.

"Not that others haven't tried," Buffy sighed.  "Speaking of, is that what's wrong with Dru?"

"She's decided that not only am I going to join her, thanks to Angel offering me to her and Spike, but now Sam and Dean will be too," Xander told her.  She looked at him.  "Parent- teacher night?"

"The ruse to get him inside," she said flatly.  Xander nodded, giving her a smug look.  "That was a sign of ownership?"

"That was a sire giving his childe a toy," Sam told her.  She groaned, leaning forward to cover her face with her hands.  "We've both sent nice notes to him about how that's impacted things and mine mentioned how I'd like to show him why the Dracula legends of staking are so much better than the ones I could be doing to him.  Mine also talked about telephone poles and trying to pick the right circumference of pole for maximum discomfort and maximum amount of time for him to slide down it until it pierced a vital organ, like his heart."

"You were a wordy geek?" Dean suggested dryly.

"Yeah but the rant felt really good."

"Angel was jealous," Buffy sighed.

Xander looked at her.  "Then why doesn't he stop her now?"

"Spike?" she suggested.

"He doesn't give a damn about Spike, Buffy.  Or else he'd have his chip taken out by now or he'd have taken care of him.  That's his duty as a sire.  Spike could've made the same pact with him and didn't."

"I guess that's a point but Spike respects me."

"Because we still know he's not a helpless tool and someday he'll get that chip out; at which time we'll all be really messy examples of why you don't tease the master vampire or chain him in Giles' bathtub.  Or ductape him into my recliner."

"Yeah, I guess.  But he can't get the chip out."

Xander gave her an  incredulous look.  "Buffy, *I* can figure out how to short out the chip!"

"Oh, damn," she muttered.   He nodded.  "You can?"

"Yeah, can, have, not that hard.  He'll need to heal doing it the harder way.   With access to a medical facility and someone with a competent  hand at neurosurgery, he'd still grow back but wouldn't need to grow back as much.  Hell, if he ever gets hit by lightening, we're all fucked."  Tara swatted him again.  "Sorry, Tara.  Not that hard to fry a chip.  Willow's done it to her microwave a few times at the dorm."

"Human bodies do conduct electricity," Sam agreed.  "The right sort or too much would short the sucker out.  Lightening definitely.  Possibly even plugging him into a light socket under the right conditions."

Buffy whimpered. "Then why hasn't he?"

Xander looked at her.  "What were *you* doing two nights ago?" he asked blandly.  She blushed and went back to snuggling her mother, earning a small snicker.  "If I've figured that out, Fred certainly has.  Cordy's the one who brought up the point of what would happen if he was hit by lightening after watching something on the Discovery channel.  Hell, Dru could probably get her stars to do it for her."

"We're so screwed," Buffy whispered.

"Only if he's going to do that," Giles reminded her.  "So far  he's decided it's not worth it."

"Good," she said, looking at that positive.  "Let's hope he stays helpy and stuff.  Ooh, look.  I did that in my first highschool, Dean."

He watched the cheerleader/acrobatic/dance team on the screen.  "More power to 'em," he said.  "Not my crowd back then."  Sam smiled at him.  "How are we getting me past the educational stuff?"

"Home schooling," they said together.

"Ah.  What about the science stuff?"

Xander pointed at his bike.  "Physics, chemistry, and physical science when you wreck the first time.  Also a good PE lesson and credit for medical training."  He looked at him.  "You had it before.  As long as you can pass the test you're fine.  Anya can pass the test so I'm sure you can."

"Sure.  Thanks, Mom."  He grinned at Tara.  "What was Dru's present to him?"  She got up and went to look at it, coming back bright red.  "That naughty?"

She leaned down next to Xander's ear to whisper something, getting a nod.  She sat down.  "All I know is it's fertility magic meant to work with what he has.  Usually used in cross- species demon breeding."

"Interesting," Sam said.  "We're the same species."

"You hope," Joyce teased.

"No I'm pretty sure we are," Sam said with a grin.  She snickered back, reaching over to rub his shoulder.  "If not, Dean's in for a rude shock some year soon."

"He could be part house elf since he brags about how he likes pleasing people so much," Tara teased.  Everyone in the room stared at her in shock.  She giggled.  "Sometimes those thoughts hit me," she said with a blush.

Dean hugged her.  "I love your mind."  She swatted him on general principles for that.

***

to part 4:

Xander watched Dean ride around on his dirtbike, smiling at the new helmet, black, that had his headphones on underneath he was sure, and his new leather jacket, which was a bit big but would fit him until he was probably almost sixteen according to him.  It looked a lot like the one he wore as an adult and it was making him happy.  Which was the most important thing to him.  Sam walked behind Xander, putting his hands on his waist, shifting up behind him to cuddle him.  "He has been miserable walking or being driven," Sam said in his ear.  Xander nodded.  "He have his CD player on?"

"Inside pocket of his jacket.  He switched songs a minute ago."  He sipped his coffee then put the mug back down on the table beside him.  "He's doing good with his balance."

"He's always had good balance.  We used to climb trees at Pastor Jim's and Dean would get up as high as he could then start walking on the branches.  Freaked Jim out a good number of times."  He kissed the back of Xander's neck.  "Want to talk about it?"

"No, just having one of those 'my baby's nearly grown' days I guess."  He turned to look at him.  "Did you need to talk about something?"

"I wanted to talk about a few things," he admitted, leading him back inside to cuddle on the couch.  He pulled Xander on top of him.  "We're still thinking about settling in a general area.  That would mean you could help here and we could do some mild traveling but we'd probably never be more than two days away.  Plus there'd be plenty of times when we'd be home."  Xander looked down at him.  "Honestly, Dean loves to be on the road, but even he was tired of the traveling for a while.  So was I.  This is the best of both worlds for both of us and for *us* as well."

"But I'm needed here all the time."

"Then we can live here so you can keep helping everyone and we'll be here as often as we can."

"You guys would hate being tied here."

"We'll get plenty of time out of town, Xander.  There's another area just above this town on the map that's got a lot of hauntings.  We can work up there for a bit, come home for a long rest, go deal with another issue, come back, and keep going until we have to give up hunting."

"Sam, it's not like I'm going to get to retire."

Sam snickered.  "Dean either most likely, no matter what your inner voices drew."

Xander looked at him and his heart clenched a bit.  "Doing that would mean you'd spend less and less time off the hellmouth, Sam.  Or you'd be spending a lot of time away from me.  Either one is probably not going to be healthy for you."

"It'll work itself out.  I'm not saying it'll be perfect but I think it'll be okay."  They heard some grinding metal and went to look outside.  "You good?" Sam yelled down.

"Wasn't me.  Miss Maple hit her mailbox again," Dean called back.  He used Sam's cellphone to get her some help then went back to his moving around so he could find all the quirks of his new bike.  He'd already found one in second gear that made him adjust his balance.

Sam drug Xander back inside.  "He's good."  He put Xander on the bottom.  "I'm expecting some rough spots, Xander.  That's not the issue here.  The issue is that I'm trying to work out a good compromise between us."

Xander smiled, stroking his cheek.  "Giles found a prophecy last year that says the hellmouth will likely be destroyed in the next four years," he said quietly.  "Something like that I'm probably going to have to be here for, Sam."

"It could be a natural occurrence.  An earthquake.  Gas explosion?"

Xander shook his head.  "They decided to rebuild the high school in the same spot last week."  Sam gave him a look then sat up.  "Our company bid."

"That's bad," Sam said.  Xander nodded.  "In the same area?"

"On the same foundation.  We start clearing it next week."

"That means more things can find it.  More things drawn here."

"Which means that the prophecy he found isn't going to be a natural occurrence," Xander said quietly.  Sam scowled at him.  "There's every chance the people will make it out.  We have in the past.  We will in the future.  Then again I might be run over by our son later on when he runs out of gas because I didn't get any money out of the ATM for his gas card.  I could die on patrol.  I could die at work.  If I do that and you're tied to Sunnydale, you may not be able to leave."

"So you want us to leave?"

"No.  I want you both to make a careful decision knowing all the facts and what you want to do for the rest of your life.  If you want to stay I'm going to be happy.  But Sunnydale drives you three insane with the way things happen and are different."  Sam nodded that was true.  "Can you honestly say you want to put up with that for *decades* if we make it that long?"

"That's why we'd go and come back."

"While that's nice, I'm still tied here except for in the summers and then I'm tied here by work."

Sam stroked his hand through his hair.  "You're putting up intentional roadblocks."

"You guys love living this lifestyle where you pick up and go.  A single bag of clothes, the car, some weapons, and you're gone."  Sam nodded slowly.  "If you really want more kids, that's not going to happen.  Being honest, kids take a lot of crap to deal with.  Remember trying to pack Dean to go *anywhere* in the first few weeks?"  Sam smiled and nodded.  "Can you imagine doing that in the middle of the night to head out to handle a poltergeist?"

"No," he said honestly.  "But kids were still a maybe."

"If we stay together, you're going to want more kids, Sam."

"Yeah, but maybe not right away."  He gave him a kiss then sat up again.  "We'll still get all the travel we want to.  We might do some traveling for fun even."  That got a nod.  "Though there were a few valid worries."

He stroked his hand under Sam's shirt to play with his stomach.  "You guys are used to being a battle-by-battle sort of hunter.  You hunt, you slay, you move on until the next battle hits.  That's how you're thinking about this.  That's not bad, but Sunnydale's not a battle-by-battle situation or we'd never have patrol."

"Which is what ties you here," Sam finished.  Xander nodded.  "There might be other helpers."

"That'd be great.  Buffy could die next week too.  Then I'd probably leave once the new girl got here."   Sam nodded at that.  "I'd still like to travel less than half the time.  Which means settling down, which means a bunch of payments that have to be made monthly, which means I've got to work and can't travel more than twelve percent of the time.  I had Willow do the math."

"Which means we'd be leaving you home a lot," Sam finished.  Xander nodded.  "It's still something we can overcome.  We might stay home a good thirty or forty percent of the time after a bit of mopping up at the start.  Plus no one says I have to go on *every* hunt."

"If he gets hurt you'd kill yourself," Xander said quietly.

Sam slumped. "Which is back to you having to stay home while we hunted most of the time."  Xander nodded.  "It's not right.  You're mine.  You had my son.  We're together.  Even your hyena likes me."

"I'm not going to deny that you're my mate, Sam.  I won't.  I can't.  I haven't been able to in months.  I can't make you miserable and watch you die in pieces as you watch Dean go hunt because you want something that's not good for you.  That would destroy both of us."

Sam stared at him.  "It won't," he decided.  "I won't let it.  We'll do whatever we have to do, Xander."

"And the money comes from where?"

"If we take our share of what Willow liberated, then we can buy somewhere.  Less monthly payments, we can pay ahead of time."

"What she did was wrong," Xander said softly.  "We shouldn't use it.  They do have a purpose even if they do try to kill me for the wrong reasons."

"Is there a right reason?"

"I have been known to threaten them when they show up."

"That's their own fault," Sam assured him.  "Not yours."  Xander shrugged at that.  "It's not enough reason to want to kill you."

"No but it's something we have to deal with."

Sam thought then nodded.  "If we can work out that problem?  Maybe get you a job where you can do some traveling at the same time?"

"Then we'd have to see what Dean's going to decide."

Sam nodded.  "I can do that."  He took another kiss.  "Would you maybe want more kids?"

"Some day.  I miss him being so cuddly.  Even a few months ago he was more cuddly.  As a baby he was the most cuddly thing.  It got annoying since I couldn't do anything but cuddle him."  He scratched him on the stomach.  "Then we have to start worrying about things again.  Like my parents.  Who are trying again.  They filed a new motion before the same judge."

Sam grimaced.  "We'll deal with them."

"I love you for that sentiment, but that's my job."

"No, that's the family's job," Sam told him.  "Where's the paperwork?"  Xander pointed at his toolbelt, letting him get it.  "Three days?"

"I got it yesterday."

"Then we'll do what we can.  We need a lawyer."

"We have one.  We can call Gunn up from LA to help us."  Sam gave him an odd look.  "Wolfram and Hart.  What Wes called to brief us on."

"I nearly fell asleep during that.  Was he always so dry?"  Xander nodded.  "Fine, we'll see if Wes or Gunn have anyone down there who can help us."

Xander grabbed the phone, dialing Fred's phone number.  "It's Xander and Sam.  Is Gunn nearby?"  He smiled.  "Gunn, Xander and Sam.  My parents are trying to take Dean again."  He nodded.  "Basically.  The same judge I outed as a demon last time.  That's what we need.  Three days.  I got it late yesterday.  No, I was going to kick their asses."  He smiled.  "It worked last time."

"Don't forget, Dean had to beat one of the ministers that was helping them for being a pervert."  Xander handed him the phone and he walked outside to talk to him.  At the very least he'd have an idea of what to do and bring to the hearing.  He saw Dean pause and put up his face shield, giving him a look.  He tossed down the papers.  "Take that to Giles and Joyce and be damn careful, Dean."

He looked at it and growled.  "Can we beat them all this time?" he demanded.

"Gunn said no.  Let the others know."  He nodded, putting down the visor and heading off with those.  He was pretty safe on the streets of Sunnydale.  If he got pulled over, he could BS an excuse to get out of being yelled at.  Sam smiled at the advice.  "That's what Dean went to do.  He's ten at the moment, nearly eleven.  Xander and I got him a dirtbike for Christmas so he'd be mobile," he said with a smirk.  "Yup, that was Dean.  He's so happy.  He's used to driving nearly everywhere.  Has for years."  He nodded.  "Yeah, and they're going to be highly shocked when he shows up.  No, last time they kidnaped him from Joyce at gunpoint.  Xander let the cops.  No, he wasn't feeling puny, he didn't want to have to cover up the explosion."  He laughed.  "Exactly."  Gunn could help and they could call to conference him in since he had to be in the office that day for something else.

***

The judge looked at the boy sitting between his parents the next day.  "You're much older than you were last time.  The last time I had your picture you were a mere infant."

"That's part of the spell that let me be reborn," Dean said patiently.  Gunn had warned him to be polite, as goody-goody as possible, and not even talk to Xander's parents if he couldn't hold his temper in.  It would help counter what Xander had done last time.

"You're at what age?" the judge asked.

"I'll be eleven in a few more days."

"I see."  He looked at the concerned grandparents and their ministers.  "I do notice that there's another name on the petition that's not represented here?"

"That child beat him," the other minister said grimly.  "He's not allowed near him."

"After he tried to pick me up because I was taking a short walk in the woods five hundred feet away from my parents," Dean agreed.  "He was a pervert and I protected myself when he made a try for me.  I am allowed to protect myself.  Then Mom drug him back for me so the nice officer could arrest him."

"We were proud but you still should've yelled," Sam reminded him.

"I will next time."  He looked at Xander, who smiled and patted him on the arm.  "Can I ride again later?"

"Sure.  As long as you're in by dark.  You're going to be with Joyce tonight because you're helping her plan Buffy's next birthday party."

"I forgot.  Sure, I'll ride until dinner."

"Ride a bicycle?" the judge asked.

"We got him a dirtbike," Sam told him.  "It's safe enough, he's used to being more motorized, so it's good until he can drive again."

"He has proper safety gear?"  Xander nodded.  "Fully?"

"Helmet, jacket, over-protective parents who hovered the first day to make sure I wouldn't fall," Dean agreed.  The judge snickered at that.  "Can I ask something?"  The judge nodded.  "How are they able to file to have me when they're going to be going to jail for kidnaping me at gunpoint when I was younger?"

The judge looked at that incident report then at them.  "I see all the same names."

"We were incredibly worried.  They had a young girl watching them while they worked.  He had no good supervision," the minister said.  "Plus their gay influence has meant that he's been turning violent.  As proven by his so-called self-defense."

"Tara's in college, she's twenty," Xander said patiently.  "She'll be twenty-one in about three weeks.  Secondly, he is in self-defense lessons because there's people like the one who tried to snatch him in the woods.  As for us being gay, Dean's already figured out he appreciates breasts.  I had to show him comics were better for getting those than the Hustler he tried to pick up before then."  That got a gape.  "Also, Tara's a very sweet young woman.  She bribes him for good behavior and to help her when she has to study by making him cookies.  She and her cat both love Dean.  If she's in class then we have a few other friends who can watch him for an hour.  Because, unlike my parents, I'm not going on welfare for my kid.  Nor am I an abusive alcoholic who doesn't remember that a child is in the house.  Nor am I a bigoted person who wanted to lynch someone last month for her husband leaving her because her husband wanted an eighteen-year-old prostitute he was tired of paying."  The judge coughed.  "Her church did, Your Honor.  It was in the paper."

"I saw that article."  He looked at the other information.  "How are we doing his education?"

"Since I still have the greatest majority of my former memories I'm refreshing myself and learning new skills.  I'm on my third book of Spanish.  On a higher level of Latin than I knew before.  One of my aunts is borderline genius and if I have technical questions about what I'm learning I can go to her or Mr. Giles for information.  Sam's been making sure I have a well-rounded education this time since I didn't last time.  We moved a lot and I wasn't that interested in school."

"You call your biological father by his given name?" the judge asked.

"Since Mom and my original father worked it out, we decided I could call Sammy by his name and Dad dad.  Dad would get touchy and I don't need that."

"Good point.  That's reasonable.  You'll be taking your GED?"

"He'll be taking the home education equivalency test," Sam told him.  "The home schooling version of the test seniors take to make sure they can graduate."

"Again, reasonable and it would show that he did know enough.  When will he be eighteen?"

"Seven more months."

"So one year a month?" he asked.  Sam nodded.  "Have we had problems?"

"His appendix nearly burst.  That hadn't happened the first time around but it was solved fairly quickly once Xander made the doctor who told him it was gas pains stomp off so a good one could intervene.  He healed quickly from it, did all his antibiotics, and it was fine.  He had a few extra fevers from teething so fast."

"A few cramps from growing pains but nothing worse than I had the last time," Dean told him.

"What necessitated this action?" the judge asked Sam.  "That was never clarified for me last time."

"Dean offered something himself in return for saving me," Sam said quietly.  The judge gave him a horrified look.  "He was my big brother, Your Honor.  Another reason I don't mind if he uses my name."  That got a nod.  "The spell was to save him from what he had offered himself to.  The way the spell was cast he was supposed to be carried by me but the power over it decided to stick him out here with Xander because he'd need the extra energy here and we needed to meet Xander apparently.  It'd lead to more happiness and him being pregnant headed off another problem."

"I see.  Could we do this on others who have been tragically lost?"

Xander looked at him.  "If you're talking about the mayor, no.  You'd need to do it before he died.  There would need to be a self-sacrifice of someone with power who loved him, and you'd have to have a part of their soul stored that was still innocent."

"I see.  Interesting.  How did you have that, with what you both used to do?" he asked Sam.

"Our father arranged it when he was sixteen."

He nodded, looking at Dean.  "Are you content with them?"

"Very.  Xander has a mush moment now and then but mostly he's a great mom to me.  He listens to me, he explains things when I get confused, and sometimes when I don't.  He's not hard on me.  He helps me with my training.  If I was handed a kid, said he's not going to really be yours but he's going to need you to raise him, I'd have thrown a fit."

"I threw a few," Xander said quietly.  Sam nodded at that.  "I was assured you could learn things from me too."

Sam looked Dean over then at his lover.  "He's already learned your taste in shirts apparently."  Xander pinched him.

"It's comfortable," Dean protested.  He looked at the maternal grandparents.  "I'm not sure that you could help me learn anything I didn't know in my last life.  Do you do anything?"

"We're a good, strong, normal family," Xander's mother sneered.

Dean shrugged.  "I've spent a lot of time with them."

"Though I wouldn't say *good*," Xander said.  "CPS didn't a number of times."  She glared at him.  "We did get the records from them?" he asked the judge.

"I do have them," he said, patting that file.  "How many times did they show up?"

Xander shrugged.  "I quit counting.  The one good one got killed before she could remove me.  The next one got killed the first time the cops sent her out.  There was one other but she was fired for being on the take."

"Wanted a bribe from us too," his father said dryly.  "I wasn't about to pay to *keep* you, boy."

"Yeah, pity about that.  I could've went to a family who liked me.  You could have even sold me when I was born and been better off.  Without your foodstamps, checks, and insurance cards....  Oh, that's right, you lost those when I hit eighteen."  His father lunged over at him but Xander simply stared while the guards put him back into his seat.  "Your Honor, I would protest any drunks being around my son.  I don't want my son to learn to like them.  They can only create a situation I'd have to fix and then retrain Dean after they were done with him.  That's if they remembered to show up for visitation.  As for me being with Sam, yes I am.  I enjoy the hell out of it."  Sam grinned at him for that.  "That doesn't mean that we're doing anything in front of Dean."

"They cuddle and kiss now and then.  I don't mind, it makes Sammy happy.  The only one allowed to hurt Sammy is me so them being happy is all good to me.  Makes me gag now and then because they're cute, but that's just the guy I am."

The judge quit smiling, shaking his head.  "I can see how that would be a problem.  It's also clear Samuel has calmed Mr. Harris down quite a lot."

"I was three months post birth last time," Xander reminded him.

"The books do say that postpartum mood swings can last up to six months after the delivery," Sam told him.

"You're a college boy, aren't you?" Xander's mother sneered.

"Yes, ma'am.  I got a full ride to Stanford.  I was a semester away from starting law school when I dropped out because my girlfriend got killed in our apartment.  At that time I went back to hunting with my brother."

"So you're bisexual?" the minister asked.  "Couldn't decide?"

"I judge people on who they are, not if they can pee standing up.  I find I learn a lot about people that way."  He looked away from her.  "Must she be here?"

"She should be.  Are you going to have a lawyer showing up later?"

"We have one we can call but he had meetings so he couldn't get here today," Xander admitted.  The judge gave him an odd look.  "Thanks to our work with Angel, and Angel just having taken over Wolfram and Hart, we've managed to get one of their people to advise us."

"I see.  They're a powerful law firm, boys."

"With Angel in charge now," Xander said dryly.  The judge shuddered.  "If we need him we can call Angel's associate, Mr. Gunn, to help us."

"Interesting.  I've heard of him."  He looked at the papers again.  "I don't see that they're mistreating the boy."

"Having him learning to fight?" the minister demanded.  "Being gay in front of him?  Letting him ride all over town on his new motorbike?  Which is *clearly* a bribe to him to not talk about anything bad here today, Your Honor."

"I got it for Christmas and we've only had the paperwork for this meeting for four days," Dean said dryly.  "How would it be a bribe?"  He leaned forward.  "As for my self-defense and hunting training?  Yes, I am.  It's what I do.  It's what my family does.  Every damn last one of us.  Including the new aunts.  I used to be one of the ones that things whispered about in fear," he said, staring her down.  She backed away from him.  "I will be again in a few months."  Xander stroked his back, calming him down.   "As for them being *gay* in front of me?  Let them.  Like I care.  Not like I was going to date Xander or my little brother.  Some people had suggested it but he's not my type.  My type is shapely, cute, and willing.  Has been for a very long time.

"As Sammy put it, I was a slut in my last life.  It was good stress relief because there was no way I could settle down.  Now, I might be able to see partially settling down when I'm finally back at my correct age.  Xander's given me a lot of love and support to work through my thoughts on a lot of issues.  Including whether or not I want to remain a roaming hunter with my brother beside me.  As for them having sex in front of me?  If it's that disgusting I can walk away, people.  I tried gay sex last time so something that wanted innocence couldn't get me.  Wasn't that great, didn't want to do it again.  I like my women.  Beyond that, what would I do at your house but watch you drink?  That's not a life, that's a version of hell.  Sammy saved me from going there the last time and I'm sure both parents and my original father are going to do it this time."

"He was invited," the judge noted.  "Working?"

"He'll be off shift at noon," Xander said.  "You called us a bit early.  He's probably getting cleaned up."

"He's probably outside but not being let in," Sam said.  The judge checked and John came in.  "Hey, Dad.  Wait long?"

"Yeah."  He sat down beside Xander, looking at them.  Then he tossed something down.  "I think that might be relevant.  Mr. Harris, the elder one with the alcohol issues, is presently engaged in cheating on his wife with a girl who's only fifteen.  He had to blackmail her into it.  When I found out her age, I had Willow talk to her and get her help.  She won't be coming back, ever.  Her parents know and Willow helped them file charges against him."  He looked at Xander's mother.  "You....  I don't know how you raised Xander to be the sort of man he is, it must've been an accident.  Please don't ever have another one."

"She's pregnant now," Xander said quietly.  "Still hasn't left town.  She's tried this before and miscarried twice."  His mother tried to grab him but John made her sit back down and cry.  "Also, my father's not just an alchie, he's got a pill habit for pain killers," Xander said, looking at the judge.  He looked at the minister.  "Watching the minister is harder since she's not in Sunnydale, but we know people who could.  You're so against gay people because both your kids are gay?"  She gasped.  "By the way, they also rescued the last torture victim you had to try to turn him straight.  They got him to the ER for the shock treatment and burns.  There's a warrant out for your arrest as of today.  He called earlier before we came in."

"I wondered what that call was," Sam said quietly.  Dean smirked at him.  "One of the other hunters?"  Xander nodded.  "Good."

"It says something when even the Initiative thought you guys were worthless.  If people who got off torturing and killing things thought you were too pitiful for it, what does that tell you?"  He stood up.  "Are we done?  Dean needs to have a snack soon."

The judge nodded.  "We're pretty well done.  Are you comfortable staying with them, Dean?"

"I am.  They love me a lot, even when I do protest the mush and chick feelings."

"Would you rather reside with your former father?"

"No.  I'm good where I am.  His apartment's tiny.  I get plenty of time with him since they worked it out.  Dad learned to respect Mom once he saw him on patrol and how things went around here.  Plus after he nearly shot him."  He grinned.  "That was a move a Winchester would've pulled."  He looked at Xander.  "Now get to marrying my little brother so you're one of us and not one of them."

Xander kissed him on the head.  "Stubborn," he teased.  He looked at the judge.  "We done?"

"You retain sole custody of the boy, Mr. Harris.  Your parents ...."

"Will hopefully be in jail for the kidnaping," Sam said, standing up.  "Hopefully soon since their case is due to be heard next week."

"I'll make sure the transcripts get to the prosecutor," the judge agreed.  "Dismissed."

"Sam, can you and John walk him outside?  I want to have a last word with my family," he said quietly.  Sam nodded, walking their kid outside with John.  Xander looked at his parents.  "I do not care what you wanted.  Having visitation with him wasn't going to get your check reinstated.  You've managed to try even the system's patience this time.  Mom, I hope this kid's not born brain damaged like so many others carried to term here are.  Apparently all the liquor you drank protected me."  The minister stomped off.  He sneered at his family.  "If you *ever* come near Dean or my family again, any of us, I will make sure your last minutes are very problematic for the cops to handle with a full stomach," he said calmly and quietly.  His father stomped off.  "Mother?"  She followed, giving him worried looks.  He looked at the judge.  "Buffy had a talk?"

"She told me her views and why she was worried.  Rosenburg as well."

Xander smirked.  "I love Dean's aunts, even if they are brats now and then.  Thank you."

"Thank you for not pulling a gun this time."

"Sam frisked me earlier.  All I have is a pocket knife.  You guys really should alarm the vamp entrance."  He smirked.  "Dean'll be fine.  He'll stop aging when he's his proper age, which is now about twenty-eight."  The judge nodded.  "Then I'm expecting them to mostly leave town because Sunnydale drives normal people insane."  He walked off, heading down to the car.

The judge called his assistant, handing him the tape of the hearing.  "Get this transcribed immediately.  Take all but the last part to the prosecutor for the Harris hearing."  He nodded, going to do that.  The judge considered it.  That boy was raising strong hunters.  He wasn't a harmful demon but he knew ones that were.  If they could get the boy to leave with his boys, that would leave less hunters in town to back up the slayer.  That would mean more hunters working together in another area though.  He wasn't sure which would be better so he'd bring it to the other demons in his position later.  Though it had been nice, Buffy had only stopped him to talk to him about Xander's parents.  She hadn't made any demands or forced him to make a decision.  Just told him what dirtbags they were.  He knew demon parents who were *much* better than those were.

***

Dean walked out later that night, looking around.  Sam was in bed.  Xander was reading something.  He walked over to stand in front of him, taking the book and putting it down.  "You're still wrong."  Xander gave him a curious look.  "Sam told me what the reasons you've been using are.  Who said I'm not bored with traveling all the time?"

"The Impala has been your home for a while, Dean.  You'd miss calling it that," he said quietly.

"Yeah but I can go on hunts and vacations when I have those needs."  He stared at him.  "Also, maybe it's because I was born here and carried here, but Sunnydale doesn't drive me as insane as it does Dad.  He's not going to be staying here if we're not.  He'll be going and coming again a lot more than I would.  We three Winchesters and you could cover a lot of territory.  He could go deal with that minor power point with all the ghosts if he wanted to.  He said he wouldn't mind handling that since he could see how areas like that needed a constant hunter after watching the insanity here."  Xander nodded once at that.  "That would let us cover the area from here to Stanford.  That would make Sammy happy.  We could even live here so you could keep helping Buffy until she passed.  Then we'd move."  He shifted his stance, staring at him.  "Or are you scared that Sam'll leave you all the time?"

"I think he's got a great ideal and the fantasy's great.  I'm all for fantasies, but can you see him going on a hunt if the siblings you wanted are fussy?"

"Yeah," Dean agreed. "To get away from the crying.  The same as Dad used to drop us off whenever Sammy got colic so he wouldn't kill us both.  Then he'd lose his temper on something, come back, and it'd be better."

"If it can be worked out, I'm not going to be anything but happy, Dean.  Sometimes I have to be realistic though.  There's going to be issues.  Especially if Sam wants more kids.  That means a lot of hassle."

Dean leaned down to get into his face.  "Then don't have them.  Sam's not going to turn you into a breeder unless you're willing to cooperate."  He stood up again, smirking at his mother.  "Besides, you need a normal kid to finish driving you insane."  He quirked up an eyebrow.  "You let me handle the problems.  Have you seen any others?"

"You mean besides you guys leaving me alone most of the time?  A lot of bills?  All that stuff?  Or you guys getting caught doing something like a credit card scam?"

"There's ways to fund the hunting and Sammy'll be working anyway.  I'll have to find something he can do on the road."  He shrugged.  "I should've before so he had something to do besides research, whine, and nap."  He walked off.  "Go to sleep, Mom.  You have to work tomorrow.  Sam's down to part-time but you're not.  By your own choice."

"I know."  He went to crawl into bed, letting Sam surround him again.  He relaxed into his arms.  It seemed so easy to believe in the fantasy when Sam was holding him.  That was his part of the Sunnydale Syndrome he guessed, believing that everything would be all right and he'd get to escape without leaving Buffy critically short.

***

Buffy stopped by the worksite the next day at lunchtime, waving at Sam but pulling Xander with her.  "I heard something interesting last night."

"Oh, no.  Already?  It's only been a few months since the last one."

"Not yet.  The demons, thanks to the judge."

"Thanks for that, Buffster."

"Welcome.  No way am I letting your parents have a goldfish.  Much less my only nephew and my mom's only grandson."  She gave him a look.  "They're trying to decide if you going with Dean and Sam would be a good thing or a bad thing for the town and the demons here."

"If I go, you're critically short," Xander said quietly.  "That's why I've been a bit resistant to Sam's ideas.  Dean thinks he can handle the problems I've seen."

"Which are?"

"If I leave, you're down me.  No males, no planning outside of what Giles and Willow can do, or you do.  No extra hands."  She nodded slowly at that.  "Sam wants more kids."

"I agree with that.  You and Tara both have to have normal kids to spoil."

"We're still thinking about that.  If they're going to go back hunting, they can't do that with a baby in the house.  I'll end being some sort of male housewife and mother all the time.  Which means I won't be able to work enough to support us and them out hunting."  She nodded at that point.  "Sunnydale stuff drives them insane and Dean was thinking about claiming an area from here to Stanford to take out the first problem.  Because leaving you here alone isn't going to be helpful to you and the only way I'm probably going to be able to leave is vamped or if you're dead."

She nodded.  "I can see what they were getting at now.  Any  others?"

"What Willow did the Council was wrong.  The boys use scams to get what they need now and then.  What happens if they get caught in the real world?"

"Okay, I might be able to get Willow onto the last one.  Find Sam something he can do on the road.  It might not be great paying but it'd probably cover gas and motels for the most part."  She considered the other ones.  She looked at him.  "We need you here, Xander, but to be honest, one of the other hunters probably could replace you if they wanted to and Dean could talk them into it.  That way you could be happy."

"Buffy, they think like John does.  Think about how insane all this stuff drives him."

She nodded.  "Good point.  Then again, with the prophecy of Sunnydale falling in about four years from now, who says I'd be living?"

"I told Sam that too.  He's hoping and praying it's an earthquake."

"So am I."  She looked at him.  "If it's going to make you miserable, go with them."

"I can't travel all the time that way."

"So don't.  Do the picking a region thingy.  If Dean needs away that badly, he can go to San Francisco and hunt or help Angel in LA or even take off for a long road trip of hunting with Sam.  You'd be stuck here but yay.  You can handle that."

"If we can work out the problems I will.  I have to be realistic though.  It's how I was raised.  Someone had to watch out for Willow while she was thinking big thoughts."

"Yeah, she still needs that."  She shrugged.  "Well, if you can work it out, we're helping. They've been very helpy to us so we can be helpy to you guys."  She smiled.  "Why are John and Sam looking at the molester's house?"

"In case his spirit's there.  The last three people who've moved in after he died have ended up molesting kids too.  They think it's a possession."

"Yeah, could be.  Then again, he could be a victim of that too," she said.  "I'll mention that to John.  He's at the Magic Box going over the records Willow pulled up on that house."  She gave him a short hug.  "Be happy, Xander."

"I am.  I'm enjoying it as much as I can," he told her.

She smiled.  "Fine.  You be cautiously happy.  What about the stuff you're saving?"

"I'm sending it with Sam and Dean when they go," he said quietly.  "That way they have money for a little bit."  She smiled and punched him on the arm then left.  He went back to eat his lunch, sitting down next to Sam.  "Buffy had a thought."  Sam looked at him, mouth full so he was chewing.  "What if the guy you're looking at in that one house isn't the original problem?  He could be another victim."  Sam swallowed and pulled out his phone to walk off talking to his father.  Xander smiled at their boss.  "How's your kids?"

"Mine are fussy.  Grandpa showed up last night.  How was that problem getting in?"

"Remember the laundry chutes he decided were too much problem to board up the week before I signed on?" Xander asked dryly.  He moaned.  "Since it was open it wasn't under a protection and we didn't know it was there.  I nailed ours shut Christmas morning."  He grinned.

The guy in charge shook his head.  "Damn.  Saw your kid earlier."

"On his bike?"

"Walking it to the gas station."

"Ooops.  I forgot to up his gas card again."

"He came to get Sam's wallet."

"Oh, good."  He grinned.  "He's wearing his safety gear?"

"Had it on the bike.  That was one sweet present," another guy said.  "He's good on it too.  He rode back by to drop off the wallet on the way to the college."

"He's old enough to spend a few hours alone and smart enough to know what to do," Xander said with a grin.  "Sam suggested the present, I tried to put it together but I am not a car guy.  So Dean put it together on Christmas morning with Sam and John."  They smiled and nodded. He dug into his lunch, then gulped his soda, letting out a small burp.  "Sorry.  Let me head back, boss."  He got back to work, examining the site.

Sam came back, looking confused.  "I know he gets the same lunch we do."

"Crew leads have to check over the morning's work at lunch," the boss said dryly.  Sam looked confused.  "He didn't tell you he got a promotion and a raise?"

"It's going into the bank," Xander called.  "Guys, who was running the boiler pipes?"  A few guys groaned and finished lunch so they could see what he was worried about.  They came out nodding and got another drink so they could have the rest of their lunch.  Xander looked then shot something, bringing it out to hand to the boss.  "Found the thing that bothered Kimmer earlier."  He walked off again.  "Lunch ends in ten, guys."

Everyone finished up while the boss went to throw the dead snake in the dumpster. They'd have to set out traps overnight.

***

Sam pounced Xander once they were inside that night.  "You got a promotion and we didn't celebrate?"

"I got it right before the holidays and we did celebrate.  We did the tongue thingy and then we did the playing thingy and the green thingy."  Sam grinned at that.  "See, celebrating so much we nearly got fired the next morning for not being able to walk."  He heard a female giggle and they both looked at the kitchen and the girl standing there.  "Hey, Melinda.  What's up?"

"Tara called.  She wanted to talk to me today for some reason."

"Ah."  Xander nodded.  "Okay."  He kissed Sam again.  "The extra went into the special savings account."  He walked over to give her a hug.  "Where is the demented son?"

"Wandering around with Buffy tonight.  She's going over some identification stuff since there's nothing going on."  Xander grimaced.  "He'll be fine.  Any idea what Tara foresaw when she was working the other day?"

"No, not yet," Sam said.  "You can call her over for dinner.  We can make her meatless stuff."

"I'll do that."  She called over there. "Tara, sweetie, I'm at Xander and Sam's.  Of course you can come see me tomorrow.  Sure.  I'll be here."  She hung up.  "She and Willow have plans tonight."

"Good to know," Xander said.  "Apparently we don't have patrol either."  Sam leered.  "Sorry, Melinda."

"I can make myself dinner, boys.  Go find a motel so you can get it messy and not have to clean it up."  Sam leered at Xander and they left to do that.  Sam had ideas....  Bastest jumped up onto the counter, nudging her to get petted.  "Hello, love.  How are you liking the boys?"  She purred so Melinda sat down to pet her.  Sometimes a familiar needed a witches' touch.

***

Xander was sitting in Buffy's backyard that Saturday when he heard the gate open and saw Warren step in.  He was up and heading over to stop him without knowing why.  He got him down and disarmed, even though the gun discharged into the ground.  "What the fuck, Warren!"

"Xander!" John shouted, coming out to help.  He moved the gun away and hauled the other boy up, hitting him.  "What were you thinking!"

"She's stopping our plans!" he shouted.  "She should die!"  He pulled a smaller gun and tried to point it at Buffy but got Xander in the shoulder instead.  John slammed his head into the ground and that was all he knew for the next few hours.

"Xander!" Buffy said, coming over to help.  She looked at the wound.  "Is anyone else hurt!" she yelled.

"That bullet wouldn't have went over ten more feet," John told her.  She gave him a look.  "It won't.  It doesn't have a long range.  Ladies!" he yelled.  "Get an ambulance or a healing spell!"

Willow came pelting down but Tara shoved her and got down, crying as she worked the healing spell on Xander's shoulder.  It slowed the bleeding until the ambulance got there.  She turned and sobbed on Buffy, mumbling something.

"Whoa, hold on," Buffy said, pushing her back.  "You saw me being shot and you dying so you made Xander be in the right place at the right time?"  She nodded, sobbing harder.  "Oh, honey, he wouldn't care.  You know that about Xander!"  She hugged her again, leading her inside.  "He'd probably consider it a good scar and put a tattoo around it so he could show it off."  John got the other boys to the hospital.  "Shhh.  You were saving lives, Tara.  Did you see the second gun?"  She shook her head.  "Then I'll talk to Sam, make sure he's not mad."

"I'm mad at me," she whimpered.  "It's a bad thing.  It got him hurt."

She made Tara look at her.  "We've all been hurt, Tara, and Xander's not going to be mad.  Really.  I promise you he's not.  He's going to be pissed as hell at Warren."  She walked out there to talk to the cops picking him up.  "He pulled a gun to shoot me."  They gaped.  "Xander pounced him and got him down with the first one.  He shouted why and then he pulled a second one, which got Xander in the shoulder.  He's on his way to the ER.  I'm hoping none of the stupid ones are there."

"Why is the blonde one sobbing?" one officer asked.

"Shock," Buffy said.  "She was holding it closed until paramedics got here."  He nodded.  "John knocked Warren out so he couldn't try again.  Thankfully Sam was inside or he'd be toasty and you'd be picking up bits and bloody pieces."  Honestly, even the vamps probably wouldn't be able to find enough to nibble on if Sam got Warren.  Or Dean.  Or John.  Or hey, her.  "Get him off my lawn before I have him next."

They nodded, dragging him out to the car and to the police station.  They had someone who could come look at him.

"We need to go to the ER.  I still have authorization to treat Xander," Willow yelled from inside.  "Your mom's driving."  They rushed in and out to the car, dragging Tara with them.  The first person they ran into was Dean pacing.  "I have authorization to treat if Sam doesn't," she said, walking around him.

Dean stopped Tara.  "I want to know why," he said calmly.

"Tara saw something the other day," Buffy told him.

"From her," Dean said without taking his eyes off Tara.

"I...I saw the other day when you were helping us."

"I knew you saw something bad."

"W..warren sho...shooting Buffy and the ...the bullet ricocheting into me.  Willow going evil," finished in a whisper.  "She would've tried to end everyone."

Dean hung his head, nodding.  "I can't be mad at that, Tara."  She started to cry again.  "He's not mad.  He said why it happened was Fate."  He walked her over to sit her down between him and his dad.  John gave him a look.  "She foresaw Buffy getting shot instead and the bullet bouncing into her, killing her, then Willow going psycho on the world."

Tara wiped her eyes off.  "She tried to pull up the temple on the cliffs," she whispered. "She was going to end it to make them feel how she was."

John gave her a hug.  "It's a hard choice.  Did you see the second weapon?"  She shook her head quickly.  "Then it was an accident, Tara.  You didn't mean for him to get hurt, right?"  She shook her head quickly.  "That's not an abuse.  Now quit sobbing.  I can't stand crying women."

"Way to be emo, Dad."  Dean gave her a hug because she, like Xander, dealt better with physical reassurance.  "If you *ever* tell girls I know how to do this I'm finding a spell so Spike can knock up Buffy and you have to raise it," he muttered in her ear.  She laughed, shaking her head, hugging him back.  He heard screaming.  "That's Willow."

Buffy walked back there, pushing someone out of her way.  "We can hear you and this isn't making for happy people.  Willow, issue is?"

"Sam and I want him moved.  Immediately.  To a hospital that doesn't have a forty-seven percent death rate."

"I agree," Xander said weakly.  "The one on the left is the one who nearly killed me with my appendix."  He swallowed.  "Sam, can I have some water?  I can taste blood."  Sam gave him a horrified look.  "Just..."  Sam got him water to sip, helping him sit up.  He looked at them.  "Someone get the car.  I am not staying here.  They got it to mostly quit bleeding.  I'm fine to transport."

"You won't live to the nearest hospital," one of them said.  "No matter why you're paranoid."

Xander looked at her.  "I know what you want."  She went pale.  "Fuck off.  Buffy, car?"  Sam went to get the Impala.  He got helped off the bed by the girls and walked out holding his shoulder.  "Okay, let's get me bandaged and to a *real* hospital, people," he announced.  John hopped up to work on the bandage, including a pain killer he had stashed in his first aid kit.  "Thank you," he said when the floaty feelings started.  "I hate gunshot wounds.  Please tell me Warren is in pain too?"

"Oh, he will be," Willow warned.  Tara gave her a horrified look.  "He was going to shoot Buffy!"

"He was going to do more than that," Dean said.  "Tara saw her own death from the bullet ricocheting."  He dug the Impala's keys out of Sam's pocket.  "Into the back with him, Sammy.  I drive better than you, even at this age," he snapped when Sam opened his mouth.  "Dad, get the girls.  Joyce?"  She nodded and they got into the cars, letting Dean drive.  He headed for the interstate.  "Which way?"

"North has one in forty minutes, smaller but near that other town," Xander said tiredly.  "South and you're hitting the LA traffic jams."

"West or east?" Sam asked.

"West is one in half an hour.  Never been there, don't know if it's still open.  The one up north has a base nearby, they've handled guns before."  Dean nodded, heading for the right sign.  "Go west, get off in two exits, then go north," he said, closing his eyes.  Sam shifted so he was resting on his thigh.  "Thanks, Sam.  Love you too.  You tell the boss?"

"I can do that," he said.  He kept checking the bandage.  Dean sped up once they hit the interstate.  "We'll make it in time, Dean."

"I know that.  I hate cleaning blood from the car."  Xander chuckled at that.  "Good."  He turned on music and it was like old times.  He saw a flashing light and called his Dad.  "Head them off for me."  He sped up a bit more and found the exit he needed.  He took it and followed the directions Xander gave.  Twenty-five minutes later he found a hospital but it was the base hospital.  "Xander, base hospital?"

"They can transfer him; he won't wake up but his pulse is strong," Sam said.  They pulled into the ER and he got out, heading inside.  "My boyfriend has a gunshot wound, ma'am," he told the nurse who ran out to stop him.  "He's in the car.  We were in Sunnydale.  He won't wake up but his pulse is still strong.  My dad was a medic and he gave him a light pain killer."  She went to make a call then followed him out.  "We figured if this isn't the right hospital you could either direct us or send us."

"We're it now, boys.  They closed the other one due to the budget right after Christmas.  We handle the town too."  She gave Dean an odd look.  "You drove?"

"It's my car."

"Okay then."  She got Sam's help lifting Xander out onto the gurney.  "Why did you drive?"

"Sunnydale," Sam told her, following.  "I have permission to treat and if you won't take mine, Willow has some too."

"I don't care, son.  As long as you can consent to surgery and blood."  Sam nodded, following back to where they'd let him.  "Gunshot wound from Sunnydale," she announced as they rolled him into the trauma room.

"That hospital needs to be shut," one of the doctor agreed.  He looked at the guy and flinched.  "I shouldn't."  They gave him an odd look.  "He's one of the people that stopped the project that had me hostage.  He'll kill me if he sees me."

"Go," the senior doctor said.  He ran out to talk to the family and give them a preliminary report.  "Single gunshot wound to the shoulder.  Medic wrapped, pain killers?"

"The guy driving said his dad was a medic, gave him something light.  There wasn't that much blood in the car or on his boyfriend.  I can find out what.  There were others pulling in at a high rate of speed behind them."  He nodded so she went to ask.  She found their doctor against the wall, being held by a tiny blonde girl.  "He'll be fine."

"He's not working on Xander."

"No, he agreed to that and took himself off the case.  We need to know what he was given?"

John tossed over the bottle. "Single pill.  I gave it to him about thirty ago now.  It happened nearly an hour ago.  The Sunnydale ER was going to cut him into parts."

"We've heard."  She walked back there, handing over the bottle.  "He got given one half an hour ago.  The injury happened an hour ago."  The doctor nodded and they moved him to surgery.  She went back out there.  "There's a nice surgical waiting area.  You guys can wait up there if you want."  They nodded.  She stopped Sam.  "We'll need forms filled out.  Just like every other hospital in the country."

"Gladly," he said.  She smiled and handed over the clipboard.  "Hand it over up there?"  She nodded.  He followed, working on it in the elevator, giving Dean a hug when they got out.  Willow took it but he took it back to fill out, letting her fill in the childhood diseases part while he hugged Dean.  Dean was agitated and wanted to pace but oh well.

"Son, go park the cars," John said, handing over his keys.  Joyce handed over hers too.  Dean nodded, going to do that.  "Sammy?"  Sam looked at him.  "You going to be okay?"

"I'm going to kill the little bastard and then rip him into pieces that not even the vampires would be able to sniff out.  Then I'm going to call his soul back and torture it," he vowed quietly.  Willow gave him a horrified look.  "If I'm nice, I won't send the remains of it to hell as a warning for the others who might come near us."

"That's my boy," John said dryly, giving him a pat on the arm.  Sam shook it off and glared.  Willow went to hand in the forms.  Dean came back with a guard.  John took his keys back.  "He not park well enough?"

"No, he did a real good job," the guard said.  "Nice driving too, kid."

"Thank you.  It's still my car."  He looked at Sam.  "Go hit a wall."

"The blue wall around the corner," the guard said.  Sam went to beat on it for a while.  "Can we get a statement?"

"Sure.  Sam's going to kill Warren, who broke into my back yard to shoot me.  Xander, the guy we brought in, caught him breaking in and stopped him.  He got the first gun away from him and Warren pulled a second one while they were getting him down.  He got Xander.  John knocked Warren into next month so he won't be feeling it when Sam rips him to pieces then tortures his soul, and we went to save Xander from the Sunnydale ER at Xander's insistence."

"He got up and walked out?" the guard asked.

"Our hospital has a forty-seven percent death rate," Willow said simply.  He shuddered.  "Not from infections but from stupid doctors.  Ask the one Buffy was holding against the wall.  He'd know.  He can tell you *exactly* why we brought him here."

He nodded.  "I can do that.  I'll get with the Sunnydale PD to let them know their victim is up here."  He walked off to make that call first.  "Hi, this is Jonathan Bradley up at the base hospital up in... yeah, us.  There's a new patient that got brought in by his family.  Harris.  Yeah, him.  He's here, he's in surgery if you guys needed anything.  Huh.  The tiny blonde girl is an evil thing who blocks their plans to do great things with the world?  He need drugs?" he joked.  "She's here too.  Told me what went on.  No, the boy drove the black muscle car.  Thanks.  Yeah. All here.  That many, yeah.  Thanks."  He hung up and went to find that doctor.  "How bad is that other hospital that the guy got off the gurney and walked out with a gunshot wound?"

He gave him a look.  "Remember the rumors about the project I got saved from because they had blackmail on me?"  He nodded, he'd heard about them and asked in case something came for him here.  "We nearly took over the hospital in town because it was so pitiful.  They put all their bad doctors on one floor; that floor's got sixteen members of the staff."  He sipped his coffee.  "Out of thirty-nine doctors."   The guard shuddered.  "They probably want the boy too.  He's one of the ones who ended the project.  Him, the redhead girl, the blonde who pinned me.  They all came in to free the victims they had."  He took another sip.  "The boy's good for being a normal guy.  Did his culture myself to make sure but he's a normal guy and he's very strong.  Had bad parents from the information we had.  Well, one of the hunt and extraction teams said that they'd seen more caring baboon parents at the zoo, but bad parents."  He smiled slightly.  "He'll pull through.  Don't know the older guy or the kid, or the one who was holding him.  Heard he told the nurse he was his boyfriend.  Good on him really.  His last girlfriend was a shrew who liked torture."  He walked off shaking his head.  "We don't know why the state won't close the Sunnydale hospital."

"Too many people pay them," Buffy said from behind the guard.  She shrugged.  "It's beneficial to those who do tissue studies, and those who need bodies, blood, or organs.  It's a major organ harvesting area."  She grimaced. "Not always for people who need them but they do a lot of it."  That doctor nodded. "Why didn't you guys take it over?"

"Too much paperwork," he admitted.  "Walsh said we could work without it."

"Oh.  Yeah," she said dryly.  "Her."

"Who?  Something normal for your team?" the doctor asked.

"Heard of the evil geeks we have?"

"Yeah.  We tried to recruit one of them.  Why?"

"Warren came to shoot me."

"Ah.  He got in the way?"  She nodded.  "Well, he'll pay.  He's young, smart, slightly cute, and geeky in a maximum security prison.  He'd better hope for a supermax or a good protector."

She smirked.  "Sam said he's not going to make it that far."

"Who are they anyway?"

"The one with the floppy hair is Sam, Xander's boyfriend.  They're all Winchesters.  John, the daddy, is a former Marine."

"Interesting."  He heard of that family from the Initiative's files. They hadn't been able to find the sons to recruit them.  She gave him a look. "They wanted to recruit the sons."

"Yeah, like they would've put up with that," she said dryly.  "Not once they found out."  She looked inside then at him.  "Sorry about earlier."

"Not a problem.  They had me there with blackmail."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too.  He'll be fine.  It wasn't that bad.  It was a small caliber weapon.  The biggest worry will be infection and use later on if it broke bones."

She nodded.  "Thanks."  She walked back inside, going back up there.  "Did you know the Initiative wanted to recruit you two, Sam?"  Sam and Dean both gave her looks then shook their heads.  She nodded.  "They did."

"Once they found out what they were doing it would've been their sworn and sacred duty to destroy it from the inside," John said, giving her a look.  "He'll be fine."

"We hope.  The guy said that we'd have to worry about use issues and infections."

"Xander's got a strong body, he'll be fine," Sam said, trying to sound calm.

"Wall?" Dean said.

"Wall," Sam said, going that way again.  He was still pissed enough to rip someone apart and piss on them.

"Have we mentioned your boys doing the Weasley twin thing is creepy now and then?" Willow asked.

John smirked. "It makes them a nearly unstoppable team."

"Yay good guys," Buffy said dryly.  "Still odd and bad."  She settled in next to her mother, giving her a hug.  "You okay?"

"Just worried, dear."

She looked at her.  "Want me to get some tylenol?"

"I'm fine.  The headache isn't back."  John gave her a look.  "I'm fine."

"You'd better be or the boys will all fuss over you," he pointed out.  She smiled and nodded.  "You should get that checked out."

"It's just a headache."

"And nose bleeds," Buffy said.  "Plus it's migraines, not headaches.  And you've been dizzy, not eating, all that good stuff."  Willow stiffened, looking at her. "What?"

"That's the sign of a brain tumor, Buffy," she said quietly.  John gave her odd looks.  "I used to play nurse from the textbooks!" she defended.  "Who do you think bandaged Xander's booboos?"

"I'll call my doctor in the morning," Joyce said.

"Yes, you will," Buffy said.  "And make sure he's sending you here or somewhere else good.  Even the Initiative wanted to close the Sunnydale hospital and didn't.  Walsh didn't want the paperwork."

"That's bad," Willow decided.  One of the nurses gave them an odd look.  "News?"

"You mentioned a classified project's name?"

Buffy smiled and waved.  "Hi, Buffy Summers.  I helped take them down for torturing others."  She gave her a horrified look, backing away.  "That's my buddy Xander in the surgery room.  He and Willow helped."

"Calm down, dear," Joyce said, patting her on the knee.  "We won't talk about it anymore, nurse.  Is there any news yet?"

"No, not yet," she said, going to check for them.  She called someone.  "Sir, we have an Alexander Harris from Sunnydale who was just brought in for a GSW by a Buffy Summers."  She listened to the 'do not touch, treat and release' orders.  "Are we sure, sir?"  She nodded.  "They mentioned that.  That's how I heard.  No, the forms said he got up and walked out of the Sunnydale ER, having his family drive him up here.  Yes, sir."  She hung up and went to pull Buffy out.  "We are under orders to give you whatever help you need to get him out of here healthy and safe, ma'am.  I was also asked to ask you if you needed help at the moment?"

"Ooh, I forgot to call Giles.  Mom, I haven't told Giles or Anya," she called.  She shrugged.  "We have others who can come sub for me.  Is Riley back in the area?"  She nodded.  "If he wants to go do a patrol he can do that.  Let him know Xander's in here.  They don't get along very well but he might want to know.  Don't make him go do my job for me, it should hold for one night.  Oh, tell him to call Giles anyway.  He had something he needed to hear."  She nodded.  "Also, tell them to leave Xander's belly flap alone.  It's a special thing and how he gave birth to Dean.  He's going to have more kids so I can be a good auntie in a few years."

"I can do that."  She went to call her boss back and pass on that information then went to lean into the surgical area, well outside the sterile field.  "Sir, Miss Summers said that the flap on his stomach is not an injury, it's a birth flap, and to please leave it alone.  He's looking forward to more kids in a few years."

"I had wondered about that.  Think he'd mind if we scanned it?"

"He's asleep, sir.  An ultrasound might be permissible."  She left.

***

Buffy looked up from Xander's bedside as Riley leaned in.  "Hey."  She got up to give him a short hug.  "How's your hunting going?"

"It's going.  Often."  He walked in.  "What happened?"

"Remember the geeks?"

"Unfondly.  They tried to get Jonathan once."

"Warren was trying to shoot me."

"Poor guy."

"They said his shoulder should be fine.  Did you call Giles?"

"I did.  Thanks for the head's up on that invasion prophecy.  He won't wake up?"

"Sam said to let him sleep tonight.  He'll be back soon, he went to scream and rant outside again."

"Sam?  New hunter?"

"Xander's boyfriend.  Sam Winchester."

Riley gaped.  "We've heard of them."

"So the nurse said."  She sat down again.  "Xander, Riley's here."  He kept snoring.  "Good drugs."

"I like those when I'm injured too."  He moved carefully closer.  "So you guys drove up from Sunnydale?"

"Yeah, they want to use him as a science project.  Xander got up and walked out, said we're driving up here."

"Probably the best idea.  They do have a high death rate."

"Yeah, a lot of them sell parts."  She grimaced.  "It's gross but a Sunnydale thing apparently."  She shrugged.  "So, how's the wife?"

"She's good.  She's at home, she had today off duty.  I'll tell her you said hi."  He nodded at the guys who walked in with the guard.  "Problems?"

"Watching them while they ranted and screamed at God again," the guard said, leaving them alone.

"John, Sam, Dean, this is my ex, Riley.  Riley, this is John and Sam Winchester, and Dean is the reborn one; Xander had him."

John looked at him.  "Someone higher up took the bootcamp kick to their hind ends, soldier?"

"Yes, sir," he agreed.  "In prison for the most part, or on the UN's hunting squads.  A few were left to do private research or doctors, like the one here.  Buffy, do you need us to do a patrol for a few days for you?"

"If you want to but we should hold okay.  Plus he'll be awake in the morning.  I should be able to go back tomorrow and Sam'll be back in a few days."

"If you're sure?  I heard you guys had a foothold situation?"

"Yeah, something chasing vamps our way.  Got them, got it, had a party for Dean's birthday."  Dean rolled his eyes.  "We did!"

"We did," he agreed. "It was good ice cream cake."  He grinned at Riley.  "You guys were going to come recruiting us?"

"We heard rumors about your skills," he admitted.  "We couldn't find you."

"We'd have destroyed you guys from the inside out once we figured out what was going on," Sam assured him.  "Probably better that way."  Xander shifted then whimpered, reaching up to hold his shoulder.  "Shh, Xander.  I'm here, you're all right.  I'm going to torture Warren as soon as you get out," he whispered in his ear, pushing Buffy out of the chair so he could sit next to him.  The nurse had made herself clear, no being on the bed.  "I've got you. You're safe and he's in jail waiting on me."  Xander mumbled something.  "No, everyone else is all right, baby, I promise.  Dean's right here with me."

Dean poked Xander.  "I was in the house eating my weight in food again.  Don't worry about me.  Worry about Grandma's temper."  Xander let out a soft smile and fell back asleep.  He looked at his dad.  "Can we have that guy before Sammy does?  There won't be anything left if he gets him first."

"If we can, son."  He patted him on the head.  "We'll do what we can to help Sammy beat the shit out of the guy."

Riley looked at him.  "Give Willow sugar and put them in an enclosed space?" he offered.

Buffy looked at him.  "Tara saw herself getting shot if Warren had managed to get me.  That's why she told Xander to sit in the backyard.  Willow would've ended the world.  Or at least tried."  Riley shuddered.  "I don't think they need to be in the same country.  Tara's stopping her."

"She needs to call Melinda," John said quietly.  Buffy looked at him.  "There's safe, good ways to help drain Willow back down.  She's becoming a battery and not draining back into the earth again.  It could cause problems."

"Plus more accidents like me being a bunny for four hours," Dean said dryly, giving her a look.

"We're handling her, guys."

John shook his head.  "You've got to handle it.  If she stores too much and sneezes, the theory that the state's going to fall off could happen if she triggers all the faults at once.  You have a fault line directly under Sunnydale."  She shuddered at that.  "If Tara asks someone like Melinda or her grandmother, she'll know how to help Willow bleed that off so she's safer and won't fart and make Dean a bunny rabbit again."

"Literally," Dean said when Riley snickered.

"She's had a few stunning accidents we've seen too, guys."  He looked at Buffy.  "They're right.  Helping her drain some of it off could help her a lot.  Plus, can't it make her sick?  We did research and a lot of witches's lines kept dying out from sickness."

"Fine, we'll talk about it."  Xander shifted.  "Oh, no, Mister.  They said flat on your back," she ordered.  Xander still tried to curl up.  "Dean, move to the other side.  He likes to curl around you."  Dean did that and Xander did shift, letting Dean take his hand to hold.  Xander smiled and went still again.

The nurse came in.  "He trying to move?"

"He wanted to make sure the son was all right," Sam told her.  "He used to curl around him when they were asleep on the couch or the chair.  Dean used to snore into his chest."

"Ah."  She cleared an area and let Dean sit on the bed, letting Xander curl slightly around him.  "Keep his shoulder and IV area still, Dean."  Dean nodded, letting Xander do it. "Good boy."  She patted him on the head.  "I heard you drove very well."  She gave him a sugar free lollipop.  "There you go.  For being such a big help, dear."  She checked Xander's vitals then left.

Sam reached over to kiss Xander on the head, getting a purr of happy noise.  "You let Dean cuddle you for me," he soothed.  "I'm right here beside the bed."  Xander shifted some but stayed curled around Dean.  "Thanks, Dean."

"He needs it so he can rest.  I'm sure I did when I was in the coma."

Sam nodded.  "A few times when you started to wake up."  He looked at his father.  "Why don't you take Buffy and Riley down to the commissary or something, Dad?  That way they can catch up without having to interpret for us?"  He nodded, walking them out there.  He looked at Dean.  "Tara's still torn up."

"She'll be fine.  Xander forgave her when they let him wake up earlier."  He patted him on the head, then swatted him.  "You better?"

"No.  I still want to torture the bastard, his friends, and any other creations they have."

"Good, we'll do it together.  It'll be good family bonding," Dean said with a grin.

Sam smirked.  "Good to have you back, Dean."

"Of course it is.  You're not bored or going all emo.  How you managed to bag Xander on your own I'm not sure."  Buffy came back.  "Dad getting information?"

"No.  Riley just warned your dad to treat me right.  I had to walk off laughing and point out he was older than my usual type."  She looked at Xander again.  "Mom got Willow and Tara tucked in already.  Giles said it was quiet so far tonight.  Anya heard they're worried I'm going to throw a major fit and kill everything in sight over this."

Sam patted her on the arm.  "Helping her deal with it is like helping an addict, Buffy.  It'll only help them be the person they used to be."  She nodded, understanding that.  "Because if she goes rogue, you're going to have other hunters there to help you and not in the good way."

"I know.  I talked to Giles about it and he agreed.  He also went to talk to her, pointing out how Ethan started that way.  She's probably not going to be happy."

"Addicts aren't when their addictions are shown to them," Sam said.  "That's why it's called a denial stage."

"There's no AA for magic."

"That's why there's guardians," Dean said.  "If she gets out of control they're going to expect Tara to deal with her."  He wrote down a number on her hand.  "This is Nanny Gramley's number.  Call her.  Talk to her.  She's a former guardian."  She nodded, going outside to do that.  "I hate that."

"Sometimes it has to happen.  Sometimes you can binge on doing good too," Sam reminded him.  "They'll know.  If not, there's more powerful ones, including one coven in England Giles was thinking about asking for an intervention."

"She'd hate that and it'd be unsafe that close to the Council," Dean said quietly.  Sam nodded.  "She's the best shot then."  Buffy came back smiling.  "They heard?"

"Tara called.  They agreed we're bringing Willow out.  Me too.  That way I can see stuff I haven't and we can call it a magical road trip."  She smiled.  "Is it cold there?"

"Yes," Dean said.  "It's still spring so it could be chilly and might be some leftover snow."

"Okay."  She smiled. "We're heading tomorrow."

"We've got it, Buffy.  How're you getting home?"

"Your dad," she said, kissing Sam, then Dean.  "Mom will call tomorrow.  We'll see you guys soon.  Giles will get in touch with Riley and your Dad will do patrol for me tomorrow."  She jogged out, going to get into the truck.  It felt good to be doing something to help someone since she couldn't help Xander right now.

"No more fussing?" Xander asked, sounding sleepy.

"No, no more fussing Buffy," Dean said, letting Sam reach over to stroke over his hair again.  "Sleep, Mom."  Xander hummed and fell back asleep, making him smile.  "We're good."

"We are," Sam agreed.  The nurse came in.  "He woke up and drifted off again."

"It's time for new medicine anyway, boys."  She injected some into the IV.  "One of the docs had a question about his stomach.  Can they come ask you tonight?"

"Sure, I can explain it," Sam promised.  She nodded, going to tell him that.  Sam looked at Dean, who nodded for him to go.  "You sure?"

"Snuck in the one he had Willow conceal."

Sam smiled.  "Should've known I couldn't keep you out of the guns."  He walked out, going to meet with the doctor.  "I have one too but mine's dormant."

"Oh, good, then you can answer why it happened?"

"Yeah.  You might not want to know once you do."

"You'd be surprised at what I've seen when Mr. Finn's people come back from a mission, son.  Let's go talk."  He walked him off to talk to him about it.  The spell was interesting but a secondary consideration.  He showed him the ultrasound they had done during the surgery.  It answered more of Sam's questions as well.  Including how they'd have to do a second child's conception.

***

Joyce walked onto the school construction site, smiling at the man in the orange hat.  "Which one is the supervisor?"

"Did you need to talk to us about a future job, ma'am?"

"No, I'm here to hand in Xander and Sam's excuses.  They got faxed to me from the hospital a bit late this morning."  He pointed at the trailer.  "Thank you."  She walked that way, knocking before walking in.  "Good morning."

"Morning, ma'am," the boss said, sitting up straighter.  "What can I do for you?"

She handed over the two folded pieces of paper.  "Xander was shot in my backyard on Saturday," she said quietly.  He went pale.  "They have who did it."

"One of his after-hours things?"

"No, well, not quite.  They wanted my daughter Buffy.  He pulled a second weapon while they were getting him down.  Xander's wound is here," she said, pointing at the right spot.  "They're keeping him pretty drugged up.  Sam and Dean are both up there with him."

"I'll accept that reason.  Sam's not the sort to leave his boy alone in the hospital."  He looked.  "They got the locals to transfer them?"

"No, Xander walked out."  He chuckled.  She smiled and nodded.  "He refused to be used for parts.  Dean did a very good job driving him while Sam kept hold of the wound."

"Good for them.  When do you think they'll be releasing him?"

"Six days.  Then they'll come home.  We'll probably have a fussing Sam for a day then he should be able to come back to work while Xander gets fussed over by Dean."  He nodded at that.  "Or the girls.  Always a possibility once they get back from Kentucky.  Did you need any other forms?"

"No, this'll be fine.  I'll have the short term disability forms for Sam the day he shows back up.  Or I'll have someone slide them under his door or something.  Tell him I said Xander needs to get better faster.  We depend on him around here."

"I'll do that."  She smiled again. "Oh, since you know.  Riley Finn and his boys are back in town to cover for Buffy, Sam, and Xander while they're gone.  They're under Sam's father's watch.  So if you have problems, you let me or Rupert know and we'll let John know."

"I can put that around, ma'am.  Thank you for bringing this over."  She nodded, leaving to go to work.  He looked over the forms.  Then he called Sam's phone.  "Sam, don't worry about things.  I'll get the short term disability forms for you by the time you get back.  Tell Xander I'll appoint a temporary crew lead but he's still got his job too.  Let me know if you guys need anything and when you'll be back to work."  He hung up and walked outside.  "Henry," he called.  He looked over from his bricking.  "I want you to take Xander's spot until he's back from being shot in the shoulder."  All work stopped and everyone stared at him.  "The shooting that was reported in the Summers' backyard wasn't Summers, it was Xander's shoulder.  They're up north at the base hospital.  It's probably going to be a while before Xander gets back.  Sam should be back in a week."

"Sure, boss.  I can step into Xander's fussy shoes," Henry agreed, smiling and taking off his hat to run a hand over dark, sweaty skin.  "He good?"

"Buffy's mom said that he should get out in six days.  So if you guys want to send cards, send them to his house.   I'll go over what you need to know as crew lead over lunch."  He punched his assistant on the arm.  "Find me the insurance forms?"  He nodded, calling the company's secretary to do that.  "Back to work, guys."  They got back to work, talking about it.  The shooting had been the talk of the town all weekend.  They had figured Sam and Xander had been sitting vigil on someone's room.

***

Xander woke up and blinked, grimacing.  "No place is this white unless it's hell," he muttered.

"Do you remember walking out of the other hospital and having Dean drive us up here?" Sam asked quietly from his chair.  Xander looked at him, shaking his head.  "You got off the gurney once they had suppressed the bleeding.  You gave us directions once Dad got you wrapped up and gave you something.  Dean drove us both up here while I kept you with us."  He shifted closer, looking at Xander.  "Before you can ask, everyone else is fine.  Dean's in the caf getting breakfast."

"No one took him home?"

"Joyce and Dad tried.  He refused to leave you."  Xander let out a small grin.  Sam reached over to stroke his cheek.  "You scared the shit out of me when you wouldn't wake up when we got here."  He stood up, coming over to hug him.  "You'll be okay.  The boss said you have short-term disability.  I filled out the forms already and he filed them for me."  Xander nodded, pulling him back down to snuggle.  "I can't, Xander.  They said they'd kick me out if I was on the bed."

"Fuckers," Xander muttered.  "Need cuddles to feel better."

"I know.  Though the nurses have been *very* nice."

"Then I won't swear at the needles."  A nurse poked her head in.  "I'm up."

"We figured it'd be any time now."  She came in and turned off the intercom.  "You can have snuggles later."  Xander shrugged a bit, then winced.  "Yes, it will hurt for a bit."  She got him checked over then let him see his wound.  He looked away.  "It's not pretty.  It will heal.  The doctor said you won't need much physical therapy with the shape you're in."

"We work construction," Sam told her.

"That's good."  She patted him on the cheek.  "Go help your son eat everything in sight so I can finish asking him some things."

"He can stay," Xander said.

She looked at him.  "Unlike the one in Sunnydale, we don't hurt our patients, Mr. Harris."  Sam smiled then left.  She looked at him again.  "Since we know almost nothing about your stomach flap system, I'm going to start with the basics.  Do we need to worry about a period for you?"  He shook his head quickly.  "Okay.  Does it have any special care instructions?"

"No getting dirt in it again."

"We can handle that.  Since we weren't sure what it was we did an ultrasound during the surgery."  He winced at that.  "Sam told us later what was going on.  He and the doctor had a long talk.  Does it require anything like lubrication now and then?"

He grinned a bit.  "Only if Sam plays with it."

She laughed at that.  "That's good.  We did notice you're a bit anemic."

"I'm crew lead.  It's been a few long hours recently,"  he said.

"That's fine.  How much pain are you in right now?"

"Can I bite you?"

"No, but I'm figuring if you're asking you've either got macho syndrome and only need a bullet to bite or you're ready to gnaw on me until you get something?"  He nodded.  "I'll get you something in a minute then, Mr. Harris."

"Might as well call me Xander."

"All right, Xander then."  She smiled.  "I'll warn you now, you won't like the food."

"That's why hospitals are like hell."

"Actually, it makes the spoiling and fussing you get when you get home all the better."  He laughed at that, holding his shoulder.  "Want orange or cherry jello with your whipped potatoes and corn for lunch?"

"No meat?"

"We're thinking fish but it won't be ready in time.  Will you eat beans?"

"As long as it's not an MRE.  Or navy beans.  I don't like seamen beans."  She giggled at that.  "They wear the funny hats."

"They can," she agreed.  "I'll have to tell my sister that.  She's a nurse in the navy on a destroyer."  She leaned down.  "Because this is a base hospital, he cannot be on your bed.  At all.  Hugs, kisses, holding hands, no cuddling, no sex, no touching in any way that would make a commander scream at his soldier.  Het or not."

"Kissing would."

"Yes but you're not in the military.  Fortunately they closed the other hospital so we do the town's needs too."  She tucked him in better.  "Want something to drink?"

"Please?" he begged.  "Caffeine?"

"When you go home."

"Chocolate?"

"When you go home.  Before you ask, you can't smoke either."  He shook his head.  "Okay.  Any other questions?"

"Can I have the good drugs when they pull the catheter?"

"Yup.  We use a local for that."  He grinned.  "That'll be later, Xander.  Let us make sure you're still going.  Will you drink milk?"

"Lots and lots.  Or soda, really."

"Not if we see it you can't.  Don't let it raise your blood pressure either."  He grinned at that.  "I'll get you the painkiller you need.  Be right back."  She walked out.  "He's a bit grumpy but he'll be fine.  The painkillers wore off."  They all smiled.  "He said to call him Xander instead of Mr. Harris.  He begged nicely for the local when we pull his tube.  He doesn't like navy beans, said seamen wear the funny hats."  The others laughed at that.  "I explained the no cuddling rules to him.  He will drink milk.  His next dosage?"  It was handed over.  "Thanks."  She went to put it into his IV, making him sigh in pleasure.  "Any new questions?  And what flavor jell-o did you want?"

"Orange is nice.  Goes well with Sam's hair," he said with a goofy grin.  "How long?"

"Four more days.  It's Monday."  Xander gave her a pouty look.  She smoothed his hair down.  "I know, but you'll be home to be spoiled soon by your adorable son and boyfriend."  She winked and left.  "Orange."  The one in charge of meals called down to add that to his.  They all smiled at the attentive son that came back from eating to watch over his daddy.  It was so cute!

***

The nurse who discharged Xander looked at Dean.  "You're not to drive on the way back.  It's not an emergency and there's no way you won't get pulled over this time."

"It's my car," he complained.

"You can drive it when you're old enough, Dean.  It's too dangerous when it's not an emergency."  She patted him on the head.  "Let your dad drive and you cuddle Xander."  She rolled the wheelchair to the elevator and outside, letting Sam go get the car.  She smiled at him.  "You did a good job and you were a great son while you were here.  They should treat you when you get home."

Xander looked back at her.  "He has a dirtbike for his driving needs at home."

She smiled. "That's probably a good thing.   As long as he's careful so we don't have to see him again."

"I hope not," Dean said.  "You guys were nice and all but I hate hospitals."

She pinched his cheek.  "Some day you're going to be a heartbreaker."

"Some day soon," Dean agreed happily.  She walked off laughing since Sam was pulling around.  Dean helped Xander into the passenger's side, then put the wheelchair back inside, coming out to climb into the back.  Sam pulled out of the hospital's parking area.  "Are you sure I can't drive us home?"

"Do you really want to explain to the nice CHP officer why you are?" Sam countered.

"No.  Can you at least put in my music?"  Sam slipped in a tape, making him a happy boy.  "Can we take the long way home?"

"Joyce expects us home in an hour," Sam told him.  "We can go for a drive tomorrow since it's Saturday and I don't have to work."  Dean grinned.  "Want to go around town, in the countryside, which one?"

"I don't care as long as we're in the car and there's music."  He leaned forward to hug Xander around the throat. "You can come if you want.  That way you learn to love my car like I do."

Xander grinned, reaching back his good arm to pet him on the head.  "Next time.  Tomorrow I'm probably going to spend all day napping on the couch from the fussing I'm going to get."

"Sure, next time," Dean agreed, giving him a hurt look.

Xander shifted to look at him.  "Do you really want to be trapped in a car with a sleepy, cranky, sore me?"

"It's not so bad so far," Dean offered with a grin.

"If you can get me up, I'll go."

"Cool.  You can have the backseat even so you can nap."  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Good.  Sammy, flip the tape over?"  Sam flipped the tape, letting it play on the other side.  Dean sighed in pleasure.  "Now all I need to do is drive my girl and it'll be fine."

"Five more months," Xander reminded him.  "As long as you pass the test."

"It have something strange on it?"

"Parallel parking spot was kinda small," Xander admitted.  "You might want to use my car since it's smaller and easier to park.  Plus not a good radio to blast the examiner."

Dean grimaced.  "No thanks.  They can't count me off for having a car that's too big for the space."

Xander looked at him.  "The Sunnydale DMV?" he asked dryly.

"I'll figure it out," he muttered.

"I'll make sure the insurance card is in here that day and drive you over," Sam promised. "After all, I was in the backseat when you took yours."

"You were," Dean agreed happily.  Xander gave him a 'go on, tell the story' look.  "Dad was off trying to handle a poltergeist.  It was my birthday, I was watching Sammy.  We had everything there.  I decided it was time.  I went there, did both tests, passed brilliantly I might add."

"Flirted with the examiner and nearly blew her," Sam added for good measure.

"It worked.  I passed.  Dad came in and frowned a few hours later because we were eating hamburgers and fries in front of the tv.  He said 'I thought I told you to use the car in an emergency, Dean'.  So I flipped him my license and said 'now it doesn't have to be one.  When do I get my own set of keys' with a big grin.  He looked then groaned and walked off to take a shower."

Sam shook his head.  "Later on, Dad yelled at him for taking me outside the wards he had on the motel room."

"You know, I usually like John these days," Xander said dryly.

"The poltergeist had slammed him into a few walls," Dean told him.  "He was a bit cranky.  He yelled at me after we went for another drive while he was showering."

"Ah.  The danger?"

"There's always a danger," both boys recited.

"Never mind.  I thought we were paranoid."

Dean smirked.  "You are but then someone's out to get you."

"Yeah, Dru," he said dryly, snorting a bit at the end.  Sam pulled onto the highway so he looked back at him.  "You could've went home with them," he said quietly.

Dean snorted.  "And leave you looking pitiful without me there to take pictures to show off after the next stupidity injury?  Sure I was going to do that," he finished sarcastically.

Xander grinned.  "Fine, I'm glad you stayed but you hate mush so I was trying to be mush free."

"Yeah, try harder," Dean said.  "That's why you and Sammy fit so well.  You go chick-like over the same things and then he gets to huff and pout while you go emo.  Which by the way, annoying as hell when you do it at Spike.  Even he thinks so, guys."

"We know," Sam said happily.  "Why do you think we do it?"

Dean snickered.  "Even better."  He shifted some, looking out the back window.  "Huh, cop car.  Why are you getting tickets in my car?" he demanded as they pulled over.

"I'm not.  Shut up, jerk."

"You are so, bitch.  I do not like you getting tickets in my car.  You can't drive it if you do it again."

The officer walked up to them.  "Boys," she said, looking at them.  Dean gave her his best flirting grin.  "Settle down, Junior.  You're a decade too young for me and I'd look horrible in prison gear.  Was there a reason you failed to signal when you pulled off the on ramp?" she asked Sam.

"I thought I did.  Did the light burn out?"  He turned it on and got out to check, nodding.  "I'm sorry about that, Officer.  I didn't know it was burnt out.  We've been with Xander in the hospital since he got shot."  Dean reached up to turn it off.  "I didn't pay any attention to that.  We'll change it tonight or first thing tomorrow once we get Xander back to bed."

"He was shot?"

"In the shoulder.  He was in a friend's backyard and someone broke in."

"I heard about a shooting in Sunnydale.  You boys from there?"

"I am," Sam said with a gentle grin. "Now."

She nodded. "One of those.  The kid?"

"Ours," he agreed happily.  "He's a little romeo.  We're trying hard not to let him become a slut."

She laughed, slapping him on the arm.  "Fine, I'll give you a warning this time.  Get it fixed before you hit my highway again."  He nodded, taking the warning ticket and getting back in to drive.  She watched them signal before driving off, shaking her head.  "Gay boys," she muttered.  "All cute but damn strange in too many ways to count."   She got back in and went after someone speeding.  She hated speeders.

***

Dean looked around the house before brining Xander a treat from the kitchen.  He had been working on it since Sam had went to change the taillight with his father.  "Again, if you tell him I can do this, I'll beat you until you whine crying to him to save you."

Xander took a cookie with a smile.  "Tara?"

"Nah, I knew before.  The same lady who taught Sammy how to make the meatballs."  He smirked.  "I used them often enough to bribe him into being good.  He always thought we got them in the mail."  Xander nodded, nibbling on that one, taking his glass of milk to have his snack.  "How's the shoulder?"

"Itches.  Still aches some but mostly itches.  I can't wait to pull the stitches out."

"Ten more days," Dean said wisely.

"Two more if they hamper patrol."  He grabbed another cookie, smirking when Dean gave him a horrified look. "Like I won't go but do what Willow does."

"No.  Hell no.  Dad won't let you.  Neither will Sammy."

"Your dad's going to beat Riley's ass later and Sam's going to help him."  He leaned over to give him a hug.  "Four more months and you can help."

"You still can't go.  Buffy won't let you go."

"If I don't go the demons will think I'm a woose and they'll attack me harder the next time I do get to go.  It's propaganda but she understands that.  That's why she does violent things when she has PMS."  Dean gaped.  "She figured out the first month that Willow was hiding chocolate on the demons for her."  He finished that cookie and leaned back again.  "So I'll go.  You can go fuss at Joyce for a while.  Why is she sick?"

"Migraines, bloody noses, dizzy....  Willow thinks it might be a small tumor."

Xander stared at him.  "Excuse me?"

"A small one," he offered.

"And no one told me?"

"You were in the hospital!"

"Whine!"  He got up and grabbed Dean.  "Pack those for her.  We can say I made them to make you fuss over Sam for a bit so no one knows."  He went to do that and they walked out together, him waving at John.  "Going to see Joyce since I just heard.  I'm going to kick someone's ass for keeping it from me," he shouted as they walked.

"Can I ride?" Dean asked.

"Only if I drive."

"Hell no!  My bike."

Xander smirked at him.  "Whine, Dean."  He put his injured arm around Dean's shoulders.  "Come on.  Walking is good for you.  Think of it as minor PT.  Not like it's all the way to the college or anything.  Or hey, we could jog."

"Bite your tongue," Dean muttered.  Xander smirked and took off running.  "I'm telling Dad!" he shouted after him, jogging to catch up.

Buffy opened the door when she heard them.  She had only gotten back that morning.  "Way to be immie, Xander.  Hi, Dean.  Mom's in bed."  Xander batted her on the head.  "Hey!  Watch the hair!"

"Ungrateful wench!  You didn't even tell me she was sick!"  He batted at her again and went up there with the cookies.  "Your daughter is robbing me of prime fussing hours. You should've spanked her more.  Especially since she wore that pink, nearly see-through skirt on patrol the other night."

"I'll get her for that later," she promised dryly, taking the cookies.  "Awww.  Were you making Sam fuss?"  He beamed and nodded.  "Thank you, Xander.  I'm fine."

"Bullshit, woman!  A growth like that isn't nothing even if the doctors say it's nothing.  It's in your head.  If it gets too big or it goes bad or they mess up taking it out, you'll turn into your daughter, the airhead version.  Then someone will snark at you about wearing her jeans.  Or worse, you could turn into Willow and wear the fuzzy sweaters.  Or even Giles, who still wants a repeat of the band candy night," he said dryly.  "By the way, have six of those bars stashed if you want them."  He gave her a maniacal grin.  "It'd serve her right."  She cackled at that.

"Don't you dare!" Buffy called from the living room.  "I don't care if you do have some of that stupid, cursed candy hidden.  Don't you *dare* give it to my mother, Xander.  It was freaky and my mother is not freaky that way!"

Dean opened up the door.  "I don't know.  With the way Giles was blushing as he remembered it, maybe she is *freaky* that way."  He shut the door on Buffy's stunned, horrified, nearly crying expression.  He grinned at Joyce.  "Hi, Grandma."

"You shouldn't have those sort of thoughts about me, Dean.  I'm much too old for you."  She let him give her a hug and kissed him on the temple.  "Take your mother home and make Sam fuss."

"They're changing my car's taillight.  The officer made them."

"Can't he help?"

"He's no good with cars," Dean said.

"You could teach him.  It'd be a bonding thing. Then he wouldn't get to make Buffy huff off like Sam."  Xander cackled at that.  "You do."

"Yay me.  It's good for a girl to get her blood pressure up now and then.  Especially since she's not getting it any other way because she's not dating."

"Xander!" Buffy called, sounding horrified.  "That's cruel!"

"Love you too.  Which cemetery are we doing tonight?"  Joyce shook her head while she laughed.  He nodded.  "Otherwise they'll try me the next time to make sure I'm not a woose.  I got up after nearly dying at Graduation and did one that night.  I can do one tonight."

"Fat chance," Joyce said sweetly.

Xander kissed her on the head.  "Dean, make sure she's got anything she needs later.  Read her your newest book if you have to.  It puts you to sleep, it should help her nap since she looks tired."  He got up after patting his son on the back, heading out.  "West or east tonight, Buffy?"

"East," she called.  "Six or seven rising."  She looked.  "Thanks for watching Mom, Dean!"  She headed out after him, going to get their weapons from the Magic Box.  Giles wasn't there and Anya pouted until Xander gave her a hug.  She looked at her.  "I saw that grope.  I'm telling Sam."

"You don't look like a child," she smarted back.

Buffy smirked.  "I want to see him sulk you into submission.  It'll keep him from making Warren commit suicide."  She headed out after Xander.  "Are you sure you can handle this?"

"If I have to, I'll channel Willow and just chat," he said dryly.

"Sure, we can do it that way.  Not like you'll need to help anyway," she said happily.  They walked off together.

***

John and Sam walked into the Magic Box an hour later.  "Where are Xander and Buffy?" Sam asked.

Giles looked over from his rearranging.  "Xander his this notion that if he's not out there, even injured, they'll start to think him and the rest of the team are getting weaker.  He usually does the smart thing and simply walks around with her.  How's Joyce?"

"She's fine.  Napping.  Dean's new book put them both out.  He's resting against her shoulder at the minute with one arm over her stomach in case something happens," John said.  "They went on patrol?"

Giles nodded.  "It does have some merit.  The demons do try to beat Xander harder if they think he's weak," Anya said from behind the counter.  She smiled.  "By the way I did not grope no matter what Buffy said.  It was a friendly hug and pat."

"Patting is groping, Anya," Sam said impatiently.  "Which way were they going?"

"They went east from here," Giles said.  Sam nodded, grabbing some stakes and handing his father a crossbow before heading off again.  "Someone has some sense," he said happily.

"Xander's right though.  They do attack harder when they think one of them is weaker.  Like when Willow got the cold and the demons all attacked that night."

"That was because her sneeze made all the town's demons thirsty at once," Giles reminded her.

"Good point.  But we've seen it other times."

"I know we have.  He should still be in bed however.  He could go out tomorrow.  They won't expect him out tonight."  He gave her a look when she nodded.  "They'll probably attack because he's still hurt."

"Yes, but that's why he always goes with Buffy these nights.  She could use the stress relief since she's not having orgasms.  Her mother being sick has to be stressing her out and her lack of orgasms to cure that stress is making her pale and tired looking again.  She looked really old earlier."

Giles shook his head at that.  He didn't want to think about that problem.

Sam and John found Xander and Buffy covered in slime.  Green, orange, and red slime.  "That had better not have gotten in your stitches," Sam growled.

"No, they're still covered, sweetie," Xander said with a grin.  "Like when I was limping, we get attacked harder if they think we're weak."

"Elementary tactics, attack when your enemy's weakest," John agreed.  "There's no way you can stake something with that shoulder, kid."

Xander looked at himself then at Buffy.  "Aren't I the reason we're covered?"

"Yeah, I'm going to smack you later when it won't slide off you."  She grinned.  "You two want to do patrol for me?" she asked hopefully.  "At least for an hour?"

"Xander," Sam said, still nearly growling.

John patted Sam on the back.  "How about we break to take showers and we walk you two home?  Then you and I will go on one later if Xander can't come back with Sam, Buffy?"

"Sure!  I'm all for not being slimy any longer.  Doesn't do good thing for my hair."  She looked behind him.  "Shit, duck!"  He moved and Xander pushed Sam, both of them firing their crossbows at the demon.  John got his too.  Xander's scored.  Buffy's hit it's slime pocket and John's finished ripping it open so they all got covered again. "Eww, more?" she whined.  "I'm never getting it out of my hair."  She stamped a foot, grimacing when it squished.  "Way too high up, Xander!"

"That's where the brain in," he said dryly.  "Which is how you kill it.  Silver into the brain.  And hey, not my fault we got more slimy."

"Really?"  He nodded.  "Are you sure?"

"You can call Giles and ask later," Sam said.  "His stitches need looked at."  He looked at them, then at himself.  He barely had any slime on him.  "March, Xander."  He sighed, hanging his head as he walked off.

"Dean's been a good babysitter for your Mom, Buffy," John promised.  "They were both asleep and he was right next to her, one arm over her stomach in case she needed anything."  She grinned at that image.  "Sam's punishing him by making him read classical literature."

She giggled.  "It did the same thing to me.  That's why I signed up for the Rosenburg book report system."

"That's because you once did a book report on the movie version of the book and the teacher caught you," Xander quipped.

John looked at Buffy.  "Your mother let you get away with that?"

"Mom's a realistic woman.  She knows school and I don't get along."  She gave his arm a hug.  "For suggesting the PE degree.  That's something I can do and it looks good.  Thank you."  She beamed and then bounced off to handle a few vampires.  She grimaced when the ashes stuck to the slime.  "Eww, even worse.  I'm never getting clean."

One of the minions who had just come up looked at them.  "Eww, what did you guys do, jell-o wrestle?  Do you still taste like the jell-o?" he asked, going to game face.

"No, we didn't," Xander said, staking him.  "Though jell-o is the only good thing about hospitals.  Can't stand to eat it outside the place but it's good when you're in there."  Sam gave him a look.  "What?"

"Thankfully I didn't get you any more."  He pointed.  "Home, Xander."  Xander pouted.  "Now."

"We still have to clear out the green, gooey things out by the cliffs.  They're breeding again."

"The slime hedgehogs?" Buffy asked.  Xander nodded.  "Ewww."

"Gas work?" Sam asked.

"Yeah but they'd stink really a whole lot," Buffy said.  "Why?"

"Flame thrower?  Gas can?"

"Well, no.  They're in a cave," Buffy said.  "Flame thrower might work."

Xander looked at her.  "Don't tempt me."  She giggled.  "There's your shower."  She went jogging to go take one.  "Thanks, guys."  John gave him a shove at Sam.  "What?"

"Son."

"You've proved your point, Xander."  He walked him off to their apartment, waving at one of the guys they worked with.  The guy moaned.  "Helping Buffy with something."

"Of course he was.  You good, Xander?"

"I'm still a bit sore but I'm okay," he lied.  "Thanks, guys.  I saw the cards."  He grinned.  "How's Henry doing?"

"He's doing great.  When did the doc say you could come back?"

"Ten weeks probably."

"I'll let the boss know."

"I was going to come eat lunch with you guys."  That got a smile and a nod.  "Have a safe night.  Aww, didn't see the dog.  Hi, cutie."  It growled and snapped but its master kept it from biting.  "Good protection."  They walked on.  "See you guys tomorrow."

"I didn't know you could get miniature demon dogs," Sam said once they had turned the corner.  "Especially not in chihuahua size."

"Apparently you can and it's a very fierce protector of the master."  He grinned.  "Love you."

"Won't keep you from being paddled later," Sam said dryly.  Two vamps attacked them and he took one out, keeping Xander behind him.  Xander ducked and came up to shoot the other one.  It went poof right in front of Sam.  "Xander," he said calmly.

"It would've hurt you.  Only Dean can hurt you.  He said so."

Sam smiled in spite of what he wanted to do.   "Shower, dumbass."

"You call Dean that name.  I don't need special names like that."

Sam pointed.  "I'd spank you but I'd end up slimy too.  Go."  Xander walked that way.  Another vampire ran out of the shadows and Xander hesitated then staked.  "Who was that?"

"Henry."

"Oh.  Oops."  He headed after Xander.  He was a bit dusty but not that slimy.   He still got into the shower with Xander anyway so he could help him clean off.  That way he could spank him for this.

Dean walked in.  "Eww, what did you take on!" he shouted.

"Put the clothes in the special basket please," Sam called.  "And yes, they're filthy."

"We could do a laundry run tonight," Xander offered.

Dean leaned into the bathroom.  "I can't believe you did that, Mom."

"He was right," Sam admitted.  Dean walked off shaking his head.  "The same as we get attacked when we're injured.  That's why we fall back to a safe spot."  He finished washing Xander's hair for him.  "There, rinse."  He got the scrub brush and the good soap, working on his back.  Xander moaned at that.   "I know, Xander."  He leaned against the wall, letting him do whatever he need to.  Sam smiled at that trust.  "I should still spank.  Following is one thing."

"Buffy got jumped and the first slime demon, which you did have to get the slime pack of, jumped us while she got the vamps.  I got it with the crossbow, and that started the covering process.  Seven later and you guys caught us squishing through patrol."

"I saw.  That shirt might be ruined."

"Wasn't that special.  Was yours actually."

"I noticed."  He kissed a spot he had gotten clean, making Xander shiver.  "If you're a good boy we'll do that once you're clean."  Xander picked up the bottle of soap and his usual bath sponge, getting to work on his front.  Sam smiled.  Xander never missed an opportunity to cuddle or have sex.

Dean leaned in again.  "Those were disgusting.  I put the towel I used to pick them up in there too.  What did you guys run into?"

"Seven or eight slime demons."

"Nine with the last one, a few vamps," Xander said.  "We really should wash them tonight, Sam.  They're going to turn into slime cement and infect other things. Do we have more towels, Dean?"

"You have *a* towel," he said dryly.  "Mine."  He went to the kitchen to get a drink.

"Sure, we'll do laundry tonight," Sam promised quietly.  "What else was in the special basket?"

"Your blue shirt."

"We can do it tonight."  He liked that shirt.  He finally got Xander's back clean, letting Xander turn to show how he was doing on his front.  He took over cleaning around the clean bandage he had put on.  He looked down.  "Did one try to grope?" he teased, seeing the moved pubic hair.  Xander nodded, pouting at him.  "Did you stake it?"

"A lot.  That was the red slime.  He said you should take better care of me."

"Fuck him, I take good care of you."  He kissed him.  "You're still mine."  He knelt to clean him up there, plus Xander's legs.  He really did need it.  The water was starting to get cold but oh well.  You had to do it when you had to do it.  Xander turned it off.  Sam gave him a curious look.  "Saving the last of it?"  Xander nodded.  "That's fine."  He finished scrubbing and turned Xander around to make sure he was all right.  "Okay, do that, rinse, then dry off.  Let me do mine since I've only got ash on me."  Xander turned on the water and did that, then let him have it.  He smiled at the pink backside, taking his own quick shower.  He came out to the damp towel and Dean redoing the bandages for him.  "They good?"

"One had a bit of slime but I cleaned it off," he said, taping down the last side.  "All better."  Xander gave him a hug.  "What're we doing tonight?  There's that show with the chick on."

"Laundry.  My favorite shirt's in the nasty basket."

Dean nodded. "I saw that."  He handed him the boxes of goo and blood remover.  "Have fun."

"I can help," Xander said with a yawn.

Dean sat down next to him, turning on the tv.  "We'll watch inappropriate content while Sammy does laundry."  Sam sighed. "Not in my car either.  It's finally cleaned."  Sam took Xander's keys and headed out.  He had to come back for the regular laundry detergent but Dean was still curled up next to Xander.  "That was still really dumb."

"They'd try us harder if I didn't," he said with another yawn.  "I did one after graduation too and I was dead tired, had chest pains earlier from all the fighting, and still got four vamps that night.  I was incredibly proud of myself."

"You probably nearly died," Dean said dryly.

"No nearly about it.  I think I drank that night mostly to get the pain to stop.  I was so post-battle tense I couldn't stop the blood pressure spikes."

"I use sex for that."

"I wasn't seeing anyone.  Anya had left for the battle and I was a geek back in high school."

Dean gave him a pat.  "You're a geek now too, Mom."  Xander grinned at that compliment.  "Couldn't get laid?"

"Nope."

"Pity.  I guess alcohol would've done the same thing though."  He shifted some.  Xander leaned against his shoulder, as was his intention.  He smiled when he heard the snoring a few minutes later, turning the tv to something he wanted to watch more.  That one chick was hot.  He could fantasize about her tonight.  "If I had magic I'd put in some of your anime instead of mine," he muttered when the show ended.  He checked the clock then shifted.  Xander hummed.  "Putting in a movie.  Be right back," he said quietly.  Xander nodded, pointing at the blue cabinet.  "You're going to let me?"

"Might as well.  You were going to sneak some anyway," he said tiredly.

Dean laughed, getting up to find some of Xander's hentai that he kept hidden from Sammy.  He found one he had wondered about. "Tournament of the Gods?"

"Sex slaves," Xander said, nearly asleep again.  "Have to have a female helper.  You lose and she goes to your opponent."

"Not my thing.  I like mine willing."  He found one he did want, putting it in.  He came back to cuddle with Xander, turning down the volume.  Xander hummed in pleasure.  "Hey, lesbians, I picked well."  Xander curled up against his shoulder again.

"The guy's a highly respected artist of the regular manga," Xander said quietly.  "People want to name their kids after him.  This is his stress relief from his usual series."

"I can appreciate that."  It even had a ghost that was taking over the women in the house.  Interesting.  So if Sammy objected he could claim it was research.  It was a good story.  Xander was back asleep on his shoulder.  Dean grinned, going back to watching how they were going to deal with the possession.  Sam got back with the laundry about the time they called in the exorcist, who was a trannie or a hermaphrodite, and screwed the ghost out of her.

"Turn that shit off."

"It's a different exorcism rite," Dean told him.  He rewound it a bit, letting him see.

Sam looked at Dean.  "I dare you to try that."

"They love me," Dean said with a grin.

"Uh-huh.  So you picked it for the research?" Dean beamed and nodded.  "The five lesbians having at it not a factor?"

"Of course not.  You know, they say the Playboy mansion has a ghost too."

"Dead model," Xander mumbled.  "Angel brooded her into passing on last year."

"Pity," Dean said.  "Need help carrying?"

"I'm not letting you outside at night yet."  He went to put the laundry in their room, going to get the other things from the car.  He came back up and closed the door.  Dean was giving him that arch 'I'm the big brother and yes, my underwear is too tight' look again.  "You're not sixteen yet.  Tough."

"Whatever."

"You know, you look like the thong's twisted when you give me that look," Sam said, walking behind him.

"I'm so getting you back for that," he warned.  "Expect it when your husband isn't sleeping on me."

Sam smirked.  "You're so cute!"  He took a picture and headed upstairs.  "Xander, come to bed," he called once the laundry was off it.  He heard a mumble and Dean giving him a nudge with 'Sammy wants sex'.  "That's not why I want him in bed and don't keep us up, Dean."

"Sure, I won't turn on the baby monitor," he quipped, heading to his room.  He had plenty of good reasons to go to bed tonight.  That and his new Hustler was in.

Xander stumbled into the bedroom and blindly kissed around until Sam moved to intercept him and give him a kiss. "Luff you," he mumbled, heading for the bed.  "Sex?"

"You're half asleep, Xander," Sam said with a smile for his silly boyfriend.  Xander pouted so he stripped them down and settled in next to him to stroke him.  "Did you need that to go back to sleep?"

"Waking me up," Xander said, turning over to kiss him again.  He moved down to his chest, teasing the spots Sam loved to have teased.  Then Xander did the mean thing.  He went to play with his slit.  It wasn't open like his was, but it did have a bit of depth to it.  Sam tried to grab the bed when Xander teased it with his tongue.  "Hmm."  He went back to playing, coaxing it open.  It wasn't a flap like his but it was open.  "I could handle that."  He pulled the edges apart to get deeper, making Sam whimper and make begging noises, arching into his tongue.  "Definitely should have that."

"Xander, please," Sam begged. "Claim me?"  Xander nibbled on his stomach. "Xander!"  He got the tongue back and it was great!  No wonder Xander screamed when he did this to him!   "Coming," he warned.  Xander laughed.  Sam grabbed the lube so he could prepare himself, then flipped them over, robbing himself of the tongue so he could have the cock instead.  He slid down, staring down at Xander.  "Yours," he said.

"Sam," he growled.

"Still yours."  He moaned as he hit bottom then shifted and started a long, slow ride, making Xander clutch his hips to hold on.  He gently played with the stomach flap, making Xander arch up into his fingers.  If he shifted just right...  He managed to get the head of his cock into Xander's stomach slit and loved it.  It was warmth, a bit dry but it was getting slicker from his come.  Xander whimpered.  "Won't knock you up," he vowed.  "Need the spell to get it past the barrier."  Xander nodded, arching up.  Sam rode him harder, needing more.  Xander was playing with the rest of his cock for him, making it good for him.  He came and felt Xander come in his ass, leaning down to kiss him.  "I love you. I'm still yours."

"Mine," Xander agreed.  "Still won't work as pack claiming."

Sam grinned. "I know but we can do that later, Xander."  He kissed him again.  He slid off Xander's cock, moaning a bit when it popped out.  He missed it already.  He did let his soft cock tease the hole some more, making Xander shiver. "Can I do this next time?"  Xander nodded frantically.  Sam grinned, going back to it.  "If you want to you can try mine."  Xander gulped air, making him a happy Sam.  Xander was starting to get interested again and it was sweet.  Sam was going to get claimed for real in a few minutes.  He kept going.  "My precious one."  Xander growled.  "My wife," he teased.  That did it.

Xander flipped them over, cleaning his cock off so he could do the same thing to Sam.  "Not the wife, Sam."  He watched his boy's face.  Sam was more than happy to get the cock in that right hole.  He was nearly singing and praying at the moment.  Actually, he was praying at the moment.  In Latin.  Xander grinned, working it until Sam was making begging noises.  "Since you're so open you can have our next one."  Sam moaned, nodding.  "Then Dean could fuss over a niece or nephew."

"No talking about him," he groaned.

Xander leaned down. "You could be waddling, needing to cure the pregnancy hormones that want sex all the time, and be having our son."  Sam pulled him down harder.  He slid in a bit deeper, seeing the wince of pain.  He pulled back, pulling out to tongue it instead while he rode the more usual hole.  It was still stretched, damp, warm...  "Tight," he moaned as he slid back inside.  "Mine?"

"Yours."  He arched up.  "Xander!"  Xander teased the hole while he tongued his stomach, making Sam lose what was left of his mind.  "Incubus!" he taunted.

"Thank you."  He went back to teasing him, making Sam beg for what he wanted.  Finally Sam broke and begged, loudly, to get more.  He gave him more, sliding in hard, just once.  Because that's all it took.  Sam came and Xander lapped it up, drawing patterns on his stomach with his tongue as he cleaned him.  Sam was limp.  "Still my turn," he teased.  Sam gave him an awed look so Xander shifted.  Sam wiggled off him and flipped over.  "Dangerous, Sam."

"Yours," he begged.

Xander sniffed then licked around his balls, making Sam whimper.  "This still isn't public claiming, Sam.  It won't get you past the problems."

"Don't care," he whined.

"Mine," Xander said into his hole, making Sam shiver.  "Is that what you needed to hear?"  Sam nodded frantically, shifting to open himself a bit more to whatever Xander had planned.  Xander slid in slowly, gently, just stroking in and out of him.  Sam had never *belonged* to anyone.  He didn't understand what that meant yet, but he would.  He was pledging himself as a mate now.  Xander rode him harder for a bit then gentled it.  "I'll still be on the bottom a lot."

"Good," Sam panted.  "That works for me.  I doubt I can come again."

"Who said you needed fluid to come?" he teased, making him whimper a begging noise.  Xander went back to driving him insane.  Sam had a dry orgasm, making him lean down to get next to his ear.  "Told you so."  He flipped Sam back over, staring down at him.  "Do you understand what mated means, Sam?  It means you're mine.  No one looks at you, no one flirts with you.  You don't get to flirt with others.  Even for work reasons.  Hyenas mate for life and we.  Are.  Possessive," he said slowly and clearly, staring down into his eyes.  "Every day.  No outs."  Sam nodded. "This is tighter than any church vow. You belong to me."

"I already did," he promised, reaching up to stroke his cheek.  "I've been yours, Xander.  Since I fell in love when I got to know you."  Xander rested against his hand.  "Really.  It's about your and me."  Xander grinned at that.  "Can I have more? Please?"  Xander slid back in, slowly and gently riding him.  "Can we open a window?" he asked.

"Not until you're ready to make decisions.   This way you can still leave and come back to visit.  If we do it in public you're never leaving."  Sam nodded.  "Not to do more than hunt, Sam."

"Of course not."  He wiggled free and went to open all the windows, then the balcony doors.  He came back up the stairs with a glass of ice water and put it beside the bed before stretching out on his stomach again. "Xander?" he said when he wasn't pounced.  Xander stared at him. "Please?"

"You're absolutely certain?"  Sam nodded.   "Because if you leave me I ..."

Sam pulled him down to kiss him.  "Even if I have to leave for a bit, I'm coming back.  No one else understands me the way you do, Xander.  You're mine.  A friend of the family is going to do our vows when you're ready for it but I want this step.   I'm yours.  Only yours.  Even if I have to leave to hunt, I'm still yours.  All yours and only yours."  Xander moaned at that.  "Your mate."  Xander pounced at that, taking him harder and faster this time, pulling him up so he was on his knees, sitting on his lap, riding him.  "Oh, God, Xander.  How are you doing that?"

"Training, Sam.  Training."  He teased the belly flap.  "That means that you have equal chance of carrying."

"I'd beg," he moaned.  "It looked like you were a god and I wanted to be in there with you," he promised.  Xander moaned in his ear.  "We'll do it both ways for the next one whenever we're ready."  Xander nipped him on the throat.  "Please?"  Xander shifted and they moved faster.  Sam's body was able to get interested this time and he was going to come soon.  "Xander, please?  Soon?"

"Not that soon," he said in his ear.  "When I want, Sam.  You're *my* mate."

Sam shifted his knees further apart to get him deeper, reaching back to grab onto Xander's hips.  "Please, babe?  I love you and I need this.  Please let us both come?" he panted hoarsely.  Xander growled in his ear.  It was the sexiest sound he had ever heard.  He moaned and came, and felt Xander coming.  He went limp in his arms.  Xander continued to nibble on him.  "Yours," he whispered.

"All mine," Xander agreed. He let Sam have the water since he was still panting. "Chest pains?" he teased.

"Sweated it out."  He finished half then gave the rest to Xander to drink.  He watched him chew up the ice, shivering some.  The glass got put back down and they laid down, Sam shifting to hold Xander. He was a bit taller so it worked better for them.  Had since Xander had been pregnant.  "I do love you."  Xander smiled, stroking his hand.  He was asleep within minutes.  Sam checked his stitches.  "You have a higher pain tolerance than I do, Xan," he whispered.  "Still love you."  He snuggled down, putting the sheet over them when he heard Dean up and around.  "Go to bed."

Dean came up the stairs to peek in.  "About time.  Need more water?"  Sam nodded, letting him grab him some.  He brought it back and left again, closing the doors.  Sam looked wrung out and Xander looked happy and content.  Dean, well, he needed to learn how Xander had gotten such stamina.  He needed to do that.  He went back to his Hustler and thoughts.  It was a good night for it.

***

Dean walked up to Tara the next morning, giving her a hug.  "Sam finally got claimed but not really in public.  Only with the windows open."  She blushed but hugged him back. "That means Xander's finally getting over it!"

She smiled. "Or it means he knows Sam will come back after hunting."

"That's fine.  We're staying here anyway."  He grinned at her. "The idiot went out last night."

She nodded.  "He does that."  He rolled his eyes but walked her to her next class.  "Why are you up here?"

"It's this or I have to go help Giles stock."

She played with his hair.  "Go for a ride, Dean."  He grinned and went to do that.  She smiled, heading in to chemistry.  She smiled at Buffy when she ran into her in the halls.  "Dean was here."

"How is the nephew?"

"Going for a ride.  He said Xander and Sam started the claiming stuff," she said quietly.

Buffy giggled.  "Good for them.  It's about time."  She gave her a pat on the arm.  "I'm off for lunch.  See you later."  She let Tara get to class while she went to eat.  Dean would be fine all by himself, riding around.  Everyone in town knew who he was by now and if something happened they knew someone would call one of them.  Probably Giles or her mother since they were the easiest to get hold of.

***

The officer parked and got out of his car, walking into the alley.  He saw the dirtbike and sighed.  "Damn it, we don't need a war," he muttered.  He checked.  Helmet but no jacket.  The kid had been wearing his earlier.  The kid's mother was a fierce bitch about him wearing his leather jacket and helmet.  He walked back to the car, heading to the apartment.  It was best to get them hunting their own son down.  Just in case he had hidden it himself to go make out with a girl.  He was about the right age at the moment.  The family had been good and quiet since the shooting months ago.  Why now?  He parked and got out, looking up at the balcony.  He smiled at the cat.  "Wake them up for me, kitty," he muttered.  He watched the cat run inside and Sam came out a minute later before he could do more than walk around the car.

"What happened?  Did Dean have a wreck?" he asked, holding onto the railing.

"No, his bike was hidden partially in an alley."

"Excuse me?"

He nodded.  "No signs of his jacket.  His helmet was on the bars.  No blood or anything," he said at the furious look.  "It's off eighth.  I can wait there for you guys."

"Please."

The officer dove into his car and drove off as fast as he could.  The bitchy, cranky look on the father's face meant someone, probably a lot of someones, were going to die.

Sam stomped into the house.  "Dean's missing," he called.

Xander came down dressed.  "Figured it was something like that since he's fifteen at the moment."  He shrugged into his jacket and they headed out together.  The Impala growled all the way out there.  The bike was pristine.  No scratches to show he'd been knocked off it.  No blood in the helmet.  Xander checked the gas gauge.  "It's full.  They probably got him at the gas station."  He looked around.  "The one up the street is in the shade."  Sam gave him an odd look. "Unless she paid someone?"

"Do we know who?" the officer asked hopefully.

"Druscilla, Spike's mate, likes him," Xander said grimly.  "She's broken in a few times to leave him food and things.  Left him Christmas presents too."

The officer shuddered.  "I'm sorry, Xander."

"Don't worry, Dave.  She won't hurt him yet.  He's too young to turn."  He looked around then headed out.  "Sam, Take the cemeteries on the edge of town. I'll take the ones here in town."  Sam nodded, heading back to the car.  Xander grabbed his crossbow and a few other things from the trunk then slammed it, heading off to go hunting.   He knew where Spike liked to hide.  They knew enough about Dru to guess where she would.  There was one place he *knew* he'd be looking that Sam wouldn't think of.  After he checked her old haunts first, just in case.  His house was even on the way so he could pick up his car and the first aid kit.

***

Dean hung in the chains, gasping and panting for breath.  His back stung where she had taken the whip to it.  His side ached with the cuts to it.  "I'm not yours," he said, glaring at her.

"But, kitten, you have been.  All my kitten's kittens are mine until I give them away.  That's how birthing work."  She walked over, running a hand down his cheek, walking around him.  "You'll make a wonderful kitten once you learn to break for Mummy, Dean.  That's why you were born into this family.  To be mine and to help Mummy heal and be better.  We can be strong again," she said in his ear.  He knocked his head back to bang against her face.  "Naughty boy!"  She sliced him again, making him grit his teeth.  "You should not bat back at the mummy, kitten.  It's not good of you.  Be a good kitten and mummy will make you all pretty.  She'll give you bows and make the prettiness last for eternity.  That way people want you and will miss the others as we hunt."  He growled, staring at her.  "You'll not miss them for long.  They'll be my kittens too.  All pretty like you, my cub."  He spat in her face.  "Naughty, kitten.  You should not waste blood like that."  She moved to kiss him but he turned his head, keeping his lips shut.  "Poo.  You'll learn to like it soon enough."  She licked his neck.  "Such fire and heat, kitten.  Very warm.  A furnace of lust."

"Yeah but not for you," he said, staring at her.  "I don't do the dead, bitch."  He kicked at her, sending her back, making her shriek.  He had felt the last bit of the growth spell hit him.  He was sixteen now and whatever had hit him before hit him now as he came of age.  "You're going to die for this."

"Yes, she is," Xander said coldly as he walked in.  Dru hissed at him, he raised the sword.  "C'mon, Dru.  You want my boy, you go through me."

"Not *your* boy," she said smugly.  "That scruffy cub's boy, not yours."

"I gave birth to him, that makes him mine, even if the DNA does lie in his case."  She rushed him and he stabbed her, making her wail.  Then he punched her until she was unconscious.  "Bitch, you don't touch what's mine. You should've learned that the first time."  He walked over and looked at the chains.  "Look away, Dean."  He did that and Xander hacked at one separating link until it broke.  He got himself free of the other cuff and panted against Xander's shoulder.  "Shh, I have you.  Get in the car.  We'll get those cleaned."  Dean looked at him. "I've had enough.  We'll deliver the present to her Daddy."  Dean nodded, limping out to the car.  He looked at Dru, picking up her hair and dragging her out by it and her collar.  She started to wake so he opened the trunk and got the light with the solar strength bulb.  She screamed in pain.  "Shut up!"  He put her into the trunk and shut it, getting into the front.  "Text your Dad, that way he won't worry.  Tell him we're taking you to a good ER and handling Dru."  He put the car into gear and sped off.

"Which ER?  Dad wants to know."

"We're going to LA.  We'll stop at Beth Israel on the way.  Shouldn't take too long this part of the week."  Dean nodded.  "A few need stitches and my hand sucks at them.  Otherwise I'd do it in the car on the way there."

"No, it's good," Dean admitted.  He looked at the trunk then at him.  "Water?"

"Glovebox.  Gatorade."  Dean found it and drank it.  "You okay?  Do we need to do a more thorough exam?" he asked quietly.

"No, she didn't try that yet.  She was still going with physical breaking."  He leaned his seat back.  "I'm sixteen."

Xander checked his watch. "By ten minutes."  He grinned.  "We'll hold the party tomorrow night."  Dean nodded, letting himself drift on the pain for a while.  An hour later he pulled into an ER, parking and walking around to help Dean out.  He walked him inside.  "Some bitchy woman had my son," he said calmly.  "He needs some stitches."

"Do we need a police report?"

"No.  She's going to be handled by her family.  They won't like this."  She nodded, checking him over and getting him a room since they weren't that busy tonight.  He smiled at Dean.  "Give us thirty then we can go see Deadboy and the others."  He stroked over his hair.  "Forgot the gel this morning?"

"I ran out," he admitted, looking at the nurse who came in with a doctor.  "I hate stalker chicks.  They suck."

"I can see that," the doctor said, pulling his stethoscope over.  "Are you sure we don't need a police report?"

"We were in Sunnydale and her family's going to handle her," Xander said with a small smile.  That got a nod from the doctor.  They knew Sunnydale's reputation.  He handed over his insurance card, taking the forms to fill out.  Dean looked at something and checked it.  "You did?"

"Yeah, last week."  He looked at the doctor.  "Can I please have some stitches so I don't have ugly scars that scare off the ladies?"

The doctor smiled.  "Of course you can.  Why did she take you?"

"She wanted me to be her kitten.  She broke into the house when I was younger and left food too.  Her family stopped her then."

"This time they're going to get her in small box if I ever see the loony bitch again," Xander said dryly.  He looked at the doctor.  "I asked, she didn't get any farther than this and trying to psych him out.  She's a queen of mind fucks."

"Good.  If you can get me some stitching packs please?" he asked the nurse, getting a nod.

A guard walked in.  "Sir, your car is rocking?"

"Huh, must've snuck into the car," Xander said, shrugging a bit.  "It'll make it easier to report her to her family in LA then."  He pointed at his son's bare chest.  "She did that.  If she snuck into the car, she *really* wants her punishment.  We're going to her dad's house."

"Sir, we can't let you keep her in the trunk," the guard said.  Xander looked at Dean, who nodded for him to go handle it, he'd be fine.  Xander walked out with him.  He was even nice enough to let the guard open the trunk.  "Ma'am, do you need medical attention?"

"He stole my kitten from me."  She climbed out.  "How dare you, kitten!  I am all you's Mummy and you will obey!"  She lunged at him.  He backhanded her into the car.  She rushed again and he pulled out a knife, going at it with her.  He finally stabbed her in the chest.  She stood there.  "That won't work."

He pointed at something against her dress. "That's wood, Dru.  All I have to do is shove or kick it another two inches and you're dust.  We'll present your daddy with the box."   She moved and he hit her again.  The guard got between them.  "Like I said, Sunnydale," he said dryly.

He looked at her.  "There should be blood."

"Check her pulse."  He did.  She was dazed but not living.  No pulse.  A nurse came running.

"She's moving and doesn't have a pulse that I can find."  The nurse checked.  Dru went to vamp face and they screamed but Xander picked her up and shook her.  "Okay," the guard decided.  "Want help putting her back?"

"Just open it for me and flip on the light?"  He did that.  Xander shoved her head in there, making her scream in pain.  "I'll be nice enough to leave you living until we get to Angel's.  If you try my patience, you're a fucking bit of crumbs.  Am I clear?" he snarled.  She sobbed.  He flipped off the light and tossed her inside, then slammed it again.  "Thank you for your help, people," he said with a gentle smile.  "This has been an ongoing problem with her.  Can you guard my car while I get the son?"  The guard nodded quickly.  He looked at the nurse, walking her into the ER.  "She's in shock."  He handed her over, going back to where Dean was getting his stitches.  "That knife you gave me is in her chest and she's still wailing about us being mean because I won't let her torture you," he said in Dean's ear.  "We nearly done, Doc?"

"Ten more," he promised, smiling at him.  "Is she all right?"

"No but the guard agreed she could stay in the trunk.  Her daddy can handle her."  He gave him his best goofy grin and the doctor nodded.  He looked at Dean's throat, getting what he needed for that, spraying it with some holy water from his pocket before applying the cream then a bandage.  He bandaged the others for him too.  "You didn't drink or eat anything, right?  She didn't try to feed you?"

"No," he said, shaking his head.  "Not unless she did it after she darted me earlier.  Where's my bike?"

"Home.  She left it in the alley off Eighth.  Dave found it."

"Charming."  Xander bandaged the last one and shook the doctor's hand, letting him sign the papers so they could go.  "Thanks, Doc.  You did a good job.  I'm sure the ladies will only coo over them."  He grinned, walking out with Xander.  He nodded at the guard, who got out of the way and handed Xander his keys back.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem, sir.  I hope her...father can handle her."

Xander smirked.  "Yeah, he's a lot like us."  He got in to drive, letting Dean get the other seat.  He looked then flipped a switch on the console, listening to her scream.  He flipped it back off.  "UV, solar strength light," he said when Dean looked at him. "Very damn handy for nests."  He backed out of the spot and headed off with him.  "Since we'll be in LA, want to take the driving test tomorrow?"

"Won't I need stuff like my birth certificate?"

"It's been in the glove box for the last ten months, Dean."

"Oh.  Can I have my car?"

"You'll be taking it on the streets of LA with all their insane drivers and idiots driving while high or talking to their agent.  If someone hits you, I want you in my car."  He grinned.  "That way I can get a new car."

"Fine.  First thing in the morning?"  Xander nodded. "Thanks, Mom."  He stretched out.  "I feel like shit."

"I know, kiddo.  I remember the first time I was tortured," he said with a small sigh.  "Damn that was a while ago."

"We're so fucked up because we remember it fondly," Dean said.

"Yup, but that's just the way Sunnydale rolls."  Dean cracked at that, changing the music station on him once they got closer to LA.  "That's fine. I know you hate pop music."

"With every cell in my body," he agreed.  He closed his eyes.  "Tell me when we get there."

"You can do some deadboy taunting even."

"Cool."  He closed his eyes, falling asleep for now.

Xander grinned at him and used his phone to snap a picture when they hit a bit of a traffic snarl.

***

Dean walked into the hyperion, nodding at the woman reading in the lobby.  "Hey.  Angel here?  Mom's bringing in an issue he has to deal with this time before I do it for him."

"Who're you?"

"Dean."  He grinned.  "You?  I haven't met you before.  I know you're not Cordelia.  You're sweet looking and she never was."  He moved closer, turning up the charm.  "What's your name, beautiful?"

"Fred," she said with a giggle.  "I'm about a decade older than you, Dean.  Nice try though."  She patted him on the face.

"With the way I'm aging that'll only be a few months."  He winked. "Save me some time?"

She blushed bright red. "Let me get Angel for you.  Angel!  Dean's here!"  She saw someone dragging in a wiggling, screaming body.  "And Xander!"  She looked at Dean.  "Oh, you're *DEAN*!" she squealed.

"I love it when they squeal my name," he teased.

"Taken, junior," a black man said.  "Xander?"  Xander dumped her at his feet.  He looked down.  "Dru.  Charming."  He looked at Dean's bandages, then at Xander.  "You didn't stake her, I'm proud."

"The knife has a wooden hilt.  She's gone if Angel doesn't do it in seconds."

"ANGEL!  XANDER'S GOING TO DUST DRU FOR TOUCHING HIS KID!" Gunn yelled.

"Oooh, loud," Fred complained, wiggling a finger in her ear.

Wesley leaned out of the office.  "Xander.  How are you, lad?"  He came out to shake his hand, stepping over Dru.  "How is Sunnydale?"

"Quiet when we left earlier.  Someone never stopped her wrong thinking.  She went after my cub again, Wes."  He moaned at that, shuddering at the end.

"I have taste," Dean said dryly.  "I don't do the dead.  I like mine wiggling, screaming, begging, panting, and living."  He grinned at Fred again.  "I can see you wiggling.  A bit hyper is a good thing."  She went bright red and ducked her head with a giggle.

"She's got brains like Sam too," Xander told him.  "You can talk to him about science stuff.  Sam does."  She grinned at that.  "All the time.  So does Willow.  He'll do good with a brainy woman who might like to cuddle."  She went brighter red and the blush spread down her chest.  Angel came down the stairs.  "Your loony, bitchy daughter tortured my son.  There's no way I'm living in an ancient play.  Stake her or I am."

He pulled Dru up, staring at her.  "Nice knife, Harris."

"Thanks, Deadboy.  Wooden handle too.  Dean got it for me for Christmas."

He looked at the boy then at her, shaking her.  "You had better have a good explanation, childe."

"He's my kitten," she wailed. "You gave him to me.  The stars said I could have the kittens and Miss Edith said that's how birthing kittens work!" she defended, pulling back.  "He's mine!  You gave him to me!"

"Yeah, about that," Dean said, staring at Angel.  "Did we perhaps give my Mom away to Uncle Spike and his loony bitch on purpose?"  Angel stepped away from him.  "Thought so."

"Leave him alone, Dean.  It's not worth the angst STD you'd get."

"I'm not doing him either."

"Staking disease.  Some demons can spread their taint to you when you kill them.  Like how Buffy went telepathic."  He looked at Angel.  "By the way, the 'you can't hear my thoughts because no reflection' explanation you gave her?  So much BS!  I can't believe she fell for that line.  I swear sometimes you make up worse excuses than Dean does about why there's no cookies."   Dean snickered.  Dru tried to move so he caught her by the hair again, slamming her head into the pillar behind his son's back.  "Not done with you yet, bitch."  He got into her face, letting her see into his eyes.  "Do you know what you attempted by taking my cub?" he hissed in her face, watching her stare then shudder and look away.  "Take a good, long look, Dru.  My son is mine.  I will not have you touching what's mine again.  Do I have to make this point clearer?"

"Your girl can't hurt me."  She stared at him.  "You can't let her loose or others will be hurt."

"She likes me," Dean said.  "Drew on me, all that stuff.  Even hugged really nice."  She whimpered.  He pulled the knife from her chest and turned, stabbing it deeper this time, moving closer.  "Centimeters now, babe.  You're definitely not my type."  She got free and hid behind Angel.

"Oh, no," Angel said.  "I'm not shielding you from this one, Dru.  You did it, you own up to it."  He got out of the way.  He knew Harris was going to lose it soon.

Sam and John stomped in.  "I want her," John said.  He looked his son over.  "Stitches?"

"We stopped at a hospital on the way, Dad.  I'm good."  He grinned.  "Mom made sure of it when he found me.  She was in the trunk the whole way."

"Didn't want to tie her up.  She might like it and reminisce about Spike," Xander said dryly, giving him a look.   "I heard enough of that when I tied Spike in my recliner."

Angel gave him a look.  "You tied Spike in your recliner?"

"Giles had an international bootie call come in.  Spike had to live at my place.  Damned if I wanted to wake up to blood breath next to me.  Or anything else he might try to freak me out."  He gave him a look.  "He only complained about the duct tape," he said smugly.  "Apparently you taught him very well because he was having flashbacks and having happies with Anya and my mom while tied up."  Angel walked off shuddering.

"I didn't know sires played bondage games with their childer," Fred said.  "Wow.  That's kinda kinky.  Gross but interesting."

Dean smiled.  "I'm not a kinky boy."

"Son, quit hitting on women while I'm in the room," John ordered.  He looked at Fred. "Even if she is like a sweet version of your brother.  Can we torture then stake her now?" John asked the other men.

"Can't you just stake her?  Being good guys means that we should protest the torture part," Gunn told him.

"Sure, I can do that," Sam said, grabbing the knife and shoving it in farther.  She dusted.  He waved.  "No more touching my son, bitch.  We had enough a *long* time ago."

"Son, I wanted that," John complained.

"Tough."  He looked at Dean.  "You good?  Pain killers?"

"They gave me advil," Dean promised.  "Mom said I can take my driver's test tomorrow so let's hit a motel?"  He looked at Fred, nodding. "You can come and babble at me if you want."  She back to blushing but shook her head, squeaking a bit and reaching for Gunn.  "Well, if he can't do it for you, look me up, Fred.  I like smart, cute, wiggly women who might babble at me."  She giggled nervously and he strolled off.

Xander sighed.  "He's sixteen now."

"Yup, Dean Winchester is back in normal form now," Sam said dryly, shaking his head.  He grinned at Fred.  "Want his number?  I can get it for you."  She shook her head quickly.  "If you're sure.  If you need it later, let us know."  He walked out with Xander, going to hug Dean.  "You sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine!  Get off!  Mushy bastard!  Quit hugging me!"  Sam laughed, getting off him.  "Dad, Mom, make him stop!"

"Sam, quit going emo over Dean's first torture," Xander said.  "It was mushy enough when I sighed and said I remembered my first torture session."

John coughed.  "Yeah, I remember mine too," he sighed, shaking his head.  "Damn we're not normal."

"That's about what he said," Xander said with a grin.

"Of course, he's my boy."

"He's mine now," Xander said dryly.  "And I *know* you didn't knock me up, John."  John walked off laughing.  "Into the car.  Who's riding with me?"  He pulled out the keys to get in and drive.  Dean got in with him.  He watched.  "Sam's in the truck."

"Pity.  Should've brought my car."  He looked at Xander.  "Can we get a room with the magic fingers systems?"

Xander considered it then nodded.  "I can, yeah."  He drove them to a motel on the farther end of town, one that was near ho row.  Dean gave him an odd look.  He winked and went to check them in.  He came out, tossing John a set of keys.  He handed Dean a set of keys.  "No picking up women until we can hold a sixteenth for you tomorrow."  Dean nodded, going to tease himself for one last night.  He winked at Sam, pulling him into their room.  Sam looked at the room then at him.

"You got us a room full of sex toys?"

"I did," he agreed smugly.  He pulled him closer to kiss him deeply, kicking the door shut. "I even asked for the gay sex room," he said between kisses.  Sam decided if Xander wanted to be kinky tonight he had a few things he had been wanting to try out so it was good with him.  Plus, hey, public enough for claiming probably.

"Hey, I have free porn and it's het!" Dean's voice carried through the thin walls.  "Ooh, in room cameras.  And a magic fingers system. Thanks, parents!"

"Shut up, son!" John yelled from the other side of Dean.  "I don't need to know!"

Xander cackled.  "John needs some excitement."

"He hasn't since Mom died."

Xander winked.  Then he pushed Sam down on the bed. "Think of this as research, Sam.  Maybe we'll find something we need at home."  Sam leered and stripped off, looking at all the things in the room so he could play with his boy.  Xander stripped himself, letting Sam pick the first toy.  A small glass dildo was chosen.  Sam came over to let him lick it.  "Yes, I checked, they're cleaned with bleach water every day."  Sam smirked and plugged his mouth with it, getting a few others.  Xander sucked and let Sam do whatever he wanted.  Sam was going to be sore in the morning.  Sam came back to take that one out and use it to tease his stomach slit.  Xander moaned, arching up into it.  Sam gagged him with a ring gag.  It left a nice sized hole for his cock if he wanted to use it or a toy.   He started with a toy and went to play with the toy and Xander's stomach.  Xander was wiggling and stretching, making him laugh. Xander gasped at the warm tongue next to the cool glass.  "Ooh, we need this one," he mumbled

"We'll get one."  He went back farther to lick at Xander's cock, giving him a good blow job while his fingers opened him up and slid in another toy.  Xander whimpered.  "There, all stuffed," he said into his balls, looking up at him.  Xander gave him begging looks, pushing the toy out with his tongue.  Sam smirked.  "Wanted a bigger one?"  He got a bigger toy and used it.  Xander licked it like he was supposed to.  Sam took off the gag.  "I like you better noisy anyway."  He let Xander suck on him while he laid on top of him to go back to his blow job.  His head's movements were enough to rock the glass dildo and his hand was free to thrust the one in Xander's ass.  Xander was making such pretty noises around his cock.  Sam got tired of that and climbed off, looking down at his boy.  "Hmm. You look so slutty like that.  Wonder what you'd look like with nipple clamps?"

"No pain, Sam."

"Fine, no pain."  He removed the glass dildo, putting it into the basket beside the bed.  He moved to kneel around one of Xander's thighs, letting his knee hold in the ass dildo while his tongue went back to the slit.  Xander yelped but it was a pretty sound too.  "I should take you here too," he said into it.  "Fuck you good and hard in it."  He looked up, seeing Xander giving him a begging look.  "Then we'll see what happens."

"How...  If we decide?"

"A small spell to open the barrier.  I found it after the doctor looked at both of them."  He lapped inside the edges again, making Xander shiver.  "We'll come back here to have another kinky night, Xander."  He went back to tonguing it, going as deep as he could.  Xander was making such pretty noises.  He shifted and reached down to thrust the toy in him a few more times.  Xander arched up into his hand.  Sam gave up on that since it wasn't making him squeal at the moment.  He found a few toys he hadn't considered for gay sex.  "Hmm, hard or soft," he mused.  "Harder," he decided, bringing over a few other things.  Xander's eyes went wide at one.  "I think we both want to be taken tonight."  He put it down beside his boy's head.  Then he went to get another one.  The first toy had been very thin.  This one wasn't.  He slicked it up and slid it slowly into Xander, watching it disappear inside. "So pretty.  Not as pretty as when I do it but your body greedily sucks me in.  This blue one will never be me."

Xander shifted his hips out and arched his hips up.  "That's my boy."  He put the extra pillow under his hips.  "Oh, that's pretty, Xander."  He reached up to adjust the mirror overhead so he could see.  "Look."  Xander looked, making pretty noises.  "That's my pretty baby."  He pulled it out and slammed it in, watching the hard cock bounce.  "Hmm.  I like that reaction."  He did it a few more times to watch it bounce.  Then he leaned down to lick the head while he did it.  Xander was starting to drip precum.  "Very pretty, and tasty."  He tossed that one aside and slid into his body, riding him gently for now.  "Opened nicely for me, Xander.  Thank you."  He smirked.  "Later on, my cock's going to go so deep into your stomach you're going to wonder."

Xander whimpered. "Sam, dirty talk."

"I know, baby, I know.  That's why I'm doing it."  He gave him a wicked look then turned on the magic fingers system with the quarters he had put down earlier.  The bed jumped to life and Xander shrieked as the vibrations did it for him.  Sam put back the glass dildo, letting that be jiggled to.  Xander was making begging noises.  "Aww.  Do we need to get a vibrator for home?" he teased, leaning down to lick beside the glass dildo again.  "See how pretty, Xander?"

"Sam," he gasped. "Please, Sam?"

"Of course, baby.  What do you want?"

"You on me."

"We can do that later.  Like I said, we'll both be getting it."  He rode him for a few more minutes, getting off with a groan.  Xander whimpered. "Oh, no, not done yet, babe."  He picked up the double-sided one.  It was black flesh colored, fairly stiff, and would look fantastic coming from Xander's ass.  "Flip over, baby.  I'll adjust the mirror so you can see the side view."  Xander flipped over, letting him move the glass one so he couldn't get hurt.  "So very pretty.  If I was into felching I'd tongue you now."  He slid the doubleheaded one in slowly, making Xander shiver as it kept going.  "So long.  I know you've thought about a long one like this one in the past."

"Only watching porn," he groaned.

Sam smiled, going deeper with it.  Xander had to swallow. "Tell me if it hurts."

"Will," he panted.  He looked.  "Mirror?"  Sam adjusted it for him.  "Looks like I'm shitting a cock, Sam."  Sam leaned down to lick on the exposed head, making Xander shiver.  He could feel the warm breath on his hole, feel the little bit of spit dripping down it.  Then Sam used his mouth to make it thrust in and out while he sucked on it.  He loved Sam.  "Oh, Goddess, Sam!"  Sam laughed around it when his lips were back against his hole, letting him feel the vibrations through the toy and in the delicate muscles.  "More?" he begged.  "Deeper?"

"Deeper and I have to go in and get it," he teased.  "I didn't know you wanted that."  Xander swallowed.  Sam pushed it in almost all the way.  Only the tip of the head was showing.  That was such a  pretty look.  "I need a camera, babe.  I want that picture."  Xander shook his head.  "No?"

"No cameras," he panted.  "Sam?"  Sam pulled it out then less gently slid it back in.  He tightened around it, loving this. Sam was using the toy like a magic wand.  The vibration ran out and he pouted.  Sam shoved it all the way inside this time.  He felt his hole pop closed around it.  He moaned, wiggling his ass.  "Sam!" he said when he didn't go in to get it.

Sam got up and found what he was looking for, holding up the swing.  Xander blushed.  "You wanted kinky?"  Xander nodded quickly.  Sam looked at it then put it up.  He found a cockring too.  Then he put Xander into the leather harness, which left his ass as the prefect height for Sam to ease three fingers into him to grab the toy.  "Want more?"

"One more?"  Sam watched his face as he switched to four fingers.  Xander was panting and swallowing.  "Sam?"

"If you want, I'll help you try it, Xander.   You know I'd do anything for you."

"Let me try it on you?"

"After we've both recovered," he agreed happily.  It was only fair.  He grabbed the toy and teased where it was laying inside him.  He slowly pulled it out and shoved it back in, watching as Xander went stiff and tried to come.  "Good?"

"Very good, Sam.  Are we doing the double headed one the usual way too?"

"Yup."  He leaned down to lick at his cock while he did it.  "There's bigger dildos too, Xander.  Much wider."  That got a shiver so he pulled out the one he had and got a bigger one.  He showed it to him, let him lick it to get it slick then slowly shoved it in.  It was a normal size in length but about four fingers wide.  Xander was shivering and grabbing the arm straps.  "Hmm, tied down Xander.  I could appreciate that sometime when Dean's out of the house.  Our headboard would be perfect to tie you to."  He slid that one out, kissing over the hole before getting the second-biggest he could find.  That one was a bit tighter of a fit.  Xander pushed up into it.  "Easy.  Let me guide it.  It's huge."  He slid it in and Xander came again.  He used it to tease the open hole, watching him shake.  "You like the stretch, not the filling."  He got the biggest one.  That one might not fit but he'd try it if Xander wanted it.  Xander went totally limp, letting him slide it in enough so the bigger head was stretching his ass.  Xander gave him a happy look.  "I need to find a way to keep you like that."  He looked and found a leather harness that slightly looked like underwear.  He hitched it around Xander's hips, attaching the straps around Xander's toy.  It kept it in place.  All the way in but that was still huge and Xander didn't seem to mind.  He rocked the swing, pushing on the toy until it could hit his prostate.  Then he went back to rocking the swing, making Xander moan.  "That's my boy," he praised. "Take it all, Xander.  Show me how much you love it."

"Ring," he groaned.

"No, the cockring stays on for now, Xander.  I want to see you mindless and insane, needing whatever I do to you," Sam whispered in his ear. "You're very close.  Then I'll take you again."  Xander groaned.  "Please, babe?"  Xander nodded, letting him do whatever he wanted.  He went to look at the bottles of lube, finding one special one with a green cap and a blue bottle.  "Tightening...  A potion to tighten you back up to virgin levels."  He read the directions.  "Up to three times tonight."  He unhitched the harness and spread a small bit around Xander's hole, watching him whimper as it tightened around the toy.  Then he went back to stroking it.  "Does it feel like you're new?" he teased.  Xander nodded, pushing his hips up.  "If I was that big, you'd die," he teased.

"Am," he panted.  "Sam!"

Sam took out the toy slowly, watching it pop out.  He unsnapped the cock ring before the head popped out, watching as Xander came when it popped out.  Xander was limp, sweaty, panting.  "So pretty."  He licked the hole, watching it tremble, feeling the aftershocks.  "So very pretty, my slutty little boy."  He licked up until he got back to his cock, cleaning it up. "Mine?"

"Yours," Xander moaned.  "All yours.  Shower?  You?"

"I'll have you in a few minutes.  I want to try the double headed thing now."  He helped him down and onto the bed on all fours. Sam slicked it up and slid one half into Xander, turning to slick up the other end and stretch himself slowly.  He slid the free side into his, clenching around it for a minute.  He didn't do this very often but it felt so good!  He shifted, feeling it slide out.  He pushed and felt it sink further into Xander's body.  The next time he felt Xander clench so it slid deeper into his.  Sam was in heaven.  His and Xander's asses bumped now and then but it was so good.  He loved this sensation and he knew Xander liked to bottom for him.  He did it every chance he got.  He'd have to take more turns.  He finally got tired of that one and spread out next to Xander, getting an interested look.   They'd both had enough time to recover and start to get hard again.  "Your turn."

Xander kissed him, going to get some of the toys he wanted to try.  Including cleaning off the ones that he had liked.  Xander helped Sam's hips up onto two pillows and started with the smaller end, teasing him basically.  Sam was moaning about that so he moved up to a bigger size.  Sam was groaning.  That was a pretty sound.  He moved further up and Sam yelped when he slipped in the extra-large toy.  "Sore?"

"Not yet," he panted.  "Spank," he begged.  Xander spanked him lightly, watching the toy bounce.  Sam tightened around it.  "More!" he demanded.  Xander exchanged it for the largest one.  Sam shivered the whole time it was sliding in.  "Xander!  I didn't think it was that big!"

"Oh it is," Xander said, leaning down to lick up some sweat while he sild a quarter into the magic fingers box.  Sam yelped but Xander turned him over and made him sit with his ass flat on the bed, toy inside him, watching him bounce, jiggle, and be vibrated nearly to death.  "Want a ring, Sam?"

"Yes!" he begged.  Xander held up the cock ring.  "Please!"  He slid it onto him and then something around his throat.  "Xander?" Xander kissed him before putting in another quarter then turning around to impale himself on Sam's hard cock.  "Oh, sweet JESUS!" he shouted, using the motion to help him do his boy.  He was slamming into him, passing on the vibration, loving his boy for suggesting this.  Every now and then they needed to be a bit kinky and this was great!  The vibration stopped and Sam whimpered.  "Xander!"

Xander climbed off, making Sam kneel so he could take out the toy.  He found the bottle, using it on Sam's ass.  He caught Sam's look and used it on his own.  Sam swallowed hard, pouncing.   He used it as the lube it was, slowly sliding into the tender hole.  "Sam?" he begged.

"I'm yours, Xander.  The same as you are mine.  I'm fucking claiming you here, in public, letting anyone who wants to watch.   Mine, all mine.  I'm possessive.  No flirting, no playing, no letting Anya pat."  Xander nodded.  Sam kept going until he nearly came. "Damn it!"

"Not nearly done, Sam."  He stroked his face, reaching down.  "Let me?"

"No, I'll undo it when I'm in pain," he growled, leaning down to kiss him.  Xander whimpered, letting him devour his mouth then his throat and chest.  Sam could just barely bend down to lick his stomach flap's top edge while he rode him.  It finally got to be too much and he released the cock ring, letting himself come with a growl of pleasure into Xander's ass.  He went limp, panting hard.  Then he got up and found two plugs.  One went into Xander's ass.  He flopped down then rolled over, spreading himself out.  "Claim me?"

Xander looked at him. "This is serious to me, Sam."

"I'm calling Jim in the morning, Xander.  I'm marrying your stubborn ass as soon as he can get here."  He kissed him.  "Claim me, my mate.  Make me your bitch," he whispered.  That got a small growl.  "That may be Dean's pet name for me but I'm your bitch, not his."  Xander dove into his ass, riding him hard and fast, watching him, staring down at him.  "No playing, no cheating, no flirting," he panted, wrapping his legs around Xander's waist.  "All yours.   No one else's," he vowed.  "Even if Anya tries again."

Xander growled.  "All mine?"

"All yours," he promised.  He could see the switch that came back and reached up to pet her head.  "Claim me," he begged.  "Please?"  She purred, leaning down to suck on his throat while she rode him hard enough to kill him. "Oh, God, all yours!" he shouted as he came again.  Xander came and he went limp.  Xander gave him a fierce kiss, making him gasp when it ended up.  "Xander, please!" he begged.  "Tired?"

"Yes."  He shook himself back to normal.  "Sam..."

"Shh.  I always was, Xander.  I'm calling Pastor Jim in the morning."  He curled around Xander, using a foot to shove the toys off the bed.  Xander slid the plug into him, earning a smile.  "Good.  Now I'll hold you inside me all night.  Let it soak in."  Xander moaned at that.  "Not yet, Xander. I'm tired."  He cuddled, letting Xander wrap himself around him.  They both liked it when he did that.

***

Dean smiled, flipping the channel to the two girls/one guy upstairs, watching them go at it.  The guy was pitiful but the girls were college age and apparently hot for each other.  He was having some fun wanking to that.  "Oh, yeah, babe.  Lick her there.  She'll like that."  He smiled when she did that, making him a happy legal age boy.  He came and sprawled boneless, continuing to watch. One was faking it but the other was having a hell of a good time.  Too bad he had never paid for it in his life.  He'd go hit on her since it clearly wasn't getting done.

***

John flipped off his son's station, shaking his head.  He had only checked when the 'oh god' yelling and the names being called in pleading tones had stopped.  Just in case they were dead.  Instead he found his younger boy happy and married by Xander's thoughts.  Well, he'd call Jim for Sam in the morning so he wouldn't forget.  He flipped back to the two girls in one room upstairs, watching them have the cat fight.  It was a good one.  It got down to clothes tearing.  Mary would not approve but now and then a guy had needs that even *he* had to take care of.  Not that he'd ever touch another soul.

Speaking of, he'd have to remind Dean about the innocence issues tomorrow.

***

Xander walked Dean into their apartment, putting him in front of the other Winchester boys.  Dean put down his license with a smug look.  Sam put a box down on top of it.  "You're of age," he said.  "It's time you're back to yourself, jackass."

"You say some of the sweetest things.  You kiss Mom with that mouth?  Or just his cock?"

Sam smirked.  "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Not really.  He opened the wooden box, taking out his amulet to put on.  Then his warding bracelets.  He sighed as they settled back onto his body, feeling like himself again.  "Oh, yeah, baby, I'm back."

Sam tossed him his actual leather jacket and keys.  "Go.  Head.  You have ten days to come back as uninnocent as possible and back to your old self," he said with a smug look.  "Any longer and I'm sending Xander."

"I need ten days?"

"Son, go," John said.  "Before the girls get here."

Dean hugged Xander. "See you in ten days, Mom!"  He ran out, finding a small envelope on his front seat.  He smiled at the prepaid mastercard inside.  He gunned his engine, turned up the music and headed out.  It wouldn't take that long to find a ghost to salt and burn, then a woman who'd fall to her knees for him.  Hell, maybe he'd find a married couple to go around him for the first time.  Nah, first a girl then onto the business stuff.  After all, he was sixteen.  He peeled out of the parking lot and headed off into the night, his music thumping like it should be.

Sam hugged Xander from behind while they watched from the balcony.  "He'll be fine."

"That's not what I'm worried about."

Sam turned him around, holding up the amulet Xander had slipped around his throat. The one he had gotten for Xander was around his mate's throat, finally.  "We're finishing the binding once he's his proper age.  The day after.  Jim'll be here then."  He kissed him.  "Then Dad's going hunting, we're going hunting for six weeks, then we'll come back and settle down.  Dean and I already agreed, picked out and announced our future territory, and everyone likes the idea.  We have one we *have* to stop because it's bothering Bobby and he can't.  It'll be back then and it'll take us about a month.  Plus travel time."  He winked.  "Understood?"  Xander swallowed and nodded.  "If you argue with me, do it now.  I won't listen to it then, Xander.  You're mine just like I am yours."  He kissed him, looking down at the girlish giggling.  "He's off for ten days of getting laid and salting and burning ghosts, girls."

"Sure, we can have cake anyway," Buffy said happily.  "They said Mom's tumor wasn't cancerous."  Sam nodded, leading Xander up to their room for a few minutes.  He wanted to suck him off to seal in that promise to him.  She walked in with the cake, looking at the closed bedroom door.  "Aww did they need it fast?"

"Sam's making sure Xander agrees on the date for the wedding," John said smugly.  He checked.  Dean had taken his license with him.  "What sort of cake?"  He came over to help, turning on the music to drown out the blowjob noises.

***

One year later, Dean shifted, stretching, smiling because he had felt the spell snap.  "Yes!" he called.

Sam came down the stairs to look at him. "Done?"  He nodded.  "Good.  Jim'll be here in two days.  I miscounted."  He went back up to tease his boy, including his stomach flap.  "Xander?" he said, making Xander insane with need.  "Do you?"

"Don't know," he whined.

"Shhh, then we'll wait.  We're young."  He finished his mate off, making him go limp. "Two days.  Anything you want to do before then?"  Xander shook his head slowly. "You sure?"

"Hug?  Brainless."

"Brainless is good," he teased, leaning down to cuddle him.  He let Xander pull him down so he could be fully snuggled, watching him drift back to sleep.  They were both on hiatus from work for their honeymoon, which he had made sure of.  Then again, they were between jobs too.  He stroked Xander's back, making him happy in his sleep.  "You're not going to get to escape."  He kissed him.  Dean coughed from the doorway.  "What?"

"Wanna hit the Magic Box later?  The ladies were going to have a party today."

"Sure.  Give me a few."  He smiled.  "You're good with this, right?"

He snorted.  "I'm perfect with it.  It's you two who're confused.  I would've come in with a ring and a preacher.  Even in this situation."  He walked off, looking a bit smug as he called over there.  "It's me, the real me, all me," he said when Giles answered, getting a happy answer back.  "Snapped earlier, Giles.  Sure, later.  When the sleepy ones get up."  He laughed.  "Exactly.  Sure, soon."  He hung up and looked up there. "Let me get breakfast out.  Join us about noon."  He left, going to hit the local diner for breakfast then the Magic Box to help out.  He had been working at the construction site since he was seventeen and had passed the equivalency test that he needed to prove graduation.  He had a good paycheck.  His baby was in great shape.  Her motor hummed when he turned her on.  The diner had a pretty waitress he played with now and then.  Nothing serious and she agreed on that.  He saw a face he didn't recognize.  She looked tired.  She was wired.  She was tense.  He sat at the table next to her.  "Hey.  New in town?" he asked, hoping she wasn't going to be a problem.

"Passing through.  I need to see B for a few minutes."

Dean smiled.  "I'm going to see Giles at the Magic Box after this."  He knew who she was now and why she was tense.  Buffy had an ice cream fit a few months back and had told him about her.  "Dean Harris-Winchester," he said, holding out a hand.

"Harris?  You married X?"

"No, my brother's marrying Mom.  I was reborn from him."  She gaped.  He smirked. "Long story, Faith."  She swallowed.  He waved a hand.  "I'm a hunter, I know."  He dug into his breakfast, flirting with her, getting a wink and a nod back.  So hey, he'd be busy tonight if patrol wasn't too bad.  He looked at her again.  "Finish up.  You need more food than that.  I've got it."

"You don't know me."

"Buffy told me.  She had an ice cream night a few months back and told me.  She was worried about you."

"About what I'd do?" she snorted.

"No, that you'd be lost."  He ate a bite of breakfast.  "Gloria, feed this poor girl!" he yelled.  She came over with a plate for her.  "Thanks, sweetie." he told the old woman who ran the diner.  She patted him on the head before going back to the kitchen.  "It's good food.  Eat."  She dug in and ate, finding her appetite after a few bites.  He paid the check when he was done, walking her back to his car.  She ran a hand over it.  "Been mine for a while now," he said proudly.  She smiled and slid in, buckling up.  He slid in and buckled up, heading back to the the Magic Box.  Giles gave him a look when he came in.  He nodded.  "Found her wandering around looking scared of me.  Didn't think she was evil anymore."  Faith gave him a look.  "If you were, you would've tried to hit on me," he joked.

"You got that skill from your mother," Buffy complained from her usual seat.  "Hey, Faith.  Come have cake and stuff with us. Dean's finally at his right age?"

"Spell snapped this morning," he said happily.  "So I'm fully back and all myself again."

She smirked.  "When's the wedding?"

"Two days!" he said happily, coming over to have some cake too.  Faith gave him an odd look.  "Yeah, I can eat again.  Guys can do that."

"He has his mother's stomach too," Willow said dryly from her seat next to the register.  "Hey, Faith."  She waved weakly.  "Don't worry about it.  You'll like Sam, Xander's boy.  They're getting married in two days if you wanted to stay around.  We're having a massive pizza party after it for the reception for all the hunters who'll be here on Sam's side."

"I need to warn them today, don't I," Dean said thoughtfully. "How many?"

"I think we worked it out as get you and your Mom two then feed the rest of us at least six pieces each so we have leftovers," Buffy said.  Dean nodded, making a mental list.  Then he went to tell the pizza place to warn them.  She grinned at Faith.  "Long story.  So, you okay again?" she asked the confused looking staring she was getting.

"Yeah," Faith said weakly.  "Yeah, I'm good.  I got my head straightened out in the slammer, I'm good."  She sat down.  "Boytoy is getting married to a boy and he has a grown son?"

Buffy snickered.  "Sam, you'll meet him later, saved his brother's, the little smartass who just strolled out thinking he's a sex god, life and soul after Dean sold his soul to save Sam's life.  The rite had to make him be reborn but the demon decided Dean needed two daddies this time instead of just one.  So he put it into Xander.  We had a lot of fun with the pregnancy stuff."  She grinned.  "I'm a great auntie and will be when they have more soon."  Willow nodded since her mouth was full.  "Anyway, Sam was all ready to propose and stuff but Xander made him hold off until the spell snapped.  When Dean was sixteen, twelve months ago, they finally moved to the claiming stage.  So they're getting married in two days."  She grinned.  "There's a whole bunch of hunters coming in for the wedding.  John's threatened to walk his son up there at shotgun point."  Faith snickered at that.  John walked in, he was off for the wedding too.  "John Winchester, this is Faith.  Faith's the other slayer called.  Faith this is John, Dean and Sam's daddy.  He's been a great help around here."

"Hey," she said, waving.  "Met Dean earlier at breakfast.  He fed me."

"Boy's got sense then.  Looks like you could use a few dozen more.  Both of you girls."  He looked around.  "Where is Dean?"

"Pizza place," Buffy said.  "Then maybe having the waitress at the diner on her morning break."

John shook his head.  "The boy needs to quit playing."  He sat down on Faith's other side.  "The hunters are starting to show up.  Bobby showed up a few minutes ago.  Thanks for helping clean out both motels, Buffy."

"Not an issue.  We don't want them to stay at the bait and buffet place," she said happily.  "Then I'll never get to find a cute younger one to date."  An older guy in a baseball cap, jeans, a jean jacket, and a t-shirt walked in.  "Hi.  Welcome to the Magic Box.  We're eating the first trial of the reception cake if you wanted some."  She got Faith another piece.  "John's right, you're too skinny.  You're making me feel fat next to you.  Eat."

The older guy laughed.  "Heard some about this place, ma'am."

She clutched her chest.  "Oh, please don't!  I don't look that old today, right, Wills?"

"No, Buffy.  You don't look that old today," she promised like a good friend would.  "You look young, hip, and sassy in that outfit."

Bobby laughed.  "Nice to meet you again, Buffy."  She looked confused.  "I was out right after Dean got born.  We saw each other on patrol one night."

"Oh, yeah!  You're Bobby."  She grinned.  "Sam and Xander are probably back in bed."

"No probably about it," John said dryly.  "I tried calling.  Sam growled and hung up on me.  Come have some cake, Bobby?"

"Sure, don't mind if I do."  He pulled over a chair from the reading room, sitting down with them.  He nodded at the girl he didn't know.  "I didn't get to meet you last time.  Bobby Singer.  I'm a researcher and hunter in John and Sammy's circle."

"Faith.  The other slayer," she said calmly.

He grinned.  "That's a hard calling to have, miss.  Let's hope the wedding means you girls have some easy nights coming up."

"I hope so.  Sam vowed he was taking Xander to some kinky motel in LA to celebrate their honeymoon and the anniversary of them finally getting off their butts and Xander claiming Sam."  Buffy ate another bite, smiling when Dean came in followed by two women.  "Hey.  Look who else is in."

"Bobby," Dean said happily, shaking his hand.  He got a long look.  "The spell snapped this morning, I'm free and clear."

"Good."  He patted him on the arm.  "Ellen, Jo.  We're having some cake, want some?"

"Sure," Ellen said, nodding at the older guy behind the counter.  "I've heard this store mentioned a few times."

"We do try to serve the needs of the hunters, witches, and slaying community," Anya quipped from the office.

Faith pointed.  "Who?"

"Remember Anya?" she asked dryly.

"Yeah, X's prom date, former vengeance demon you guys accidentally turned human.  Why?"

"Anya," she said, pointing at the office.  "She came back after graduation to hook up with Xander.  Then they broke up when Xander got knocked up."

"Oh."  She shook her head quickly.  "I can't imagine Boytoy pregnant."  Willow walked over a picture, making her stare.  "He really was?" she demanded.  Willow grinned and nodded.

"Yeah, he had me.  That's why I'm a Harris-Winchester instead of just a regular Winchester," Dean said smugly.  "Gives me extra powers to pick up the bad girls, good girls, girls who haven't decided yet, and to hunt better."  John choked.  "It does."

"You're not too old to spank, Dean."

"Xander said you couldn't."

"There's no way you'll turn into him now," he warned.  Dean snickered, walking off laughing to help Anya with what she was doing.  "Sorry, Xander warped him just a bit," he excused.

"Xander does it to everyone," Faith said.  "Even me."

"Yeah," Buffy sighed.  "Then you realize you don't know what you'd do without him so you can't yell at him or else he'll walk off pouting like Sam does."  She shivered.  "Oh, fair warning.  The cute and groping awards both go to Sam and Xander.  Often.  No matter *where* they are."

"I still like how some demons run off screaming because they're kissing," Willow said.  "I didn't think demons could be homophobic.  Pity about their clan."

"Yeah, but they tried to stop them from groping on patrol the last time," Buffy said. "They were asking for it."  She shrugged.  "Then Sam babied all Xander's injuries and it was good."  Dean cackled from the office.  "What?"

He leaned out.  "They went last night and a bunch of the older vamps came to congratulate them and asked them to make out at the Bronze tonight so they could have a good show when they were massing.  Like the time they were in the car and started an orgy outside the store."  He went back to helping Anya.

"Oh, dear Lord, Dean!  Quit about that!" Giles complained. "It's bad enough Spike eggs those two on."  He cleaned his glasses.  "There's sodas, water, and juice in the back if you needed any."

"I'm a good hostess," Buffy said, getting up to get them drinks.  "Who wants what?"

"I'll take a soda," Jo said, looking confused.

"Diet or regular?" Willow asked.

"Um, regular's good."

"Regular soda, Buffy.  Ma'am?"

"Water please."

"Buffy, get her mom some water too," she called.  "Any milk?"

"No.  Spike got it again."

Faith gave the kitchen that same confused stare.  John nudged her, getting it instead.  "Heard about the Initiative?"  She nodded slowly.  "They got Spike.  He's helping."

"Okay.  We're in some alternate universe, right?" she asked calmly.

"Can't be, Xander's not a vamp and neither am I," Willow said cheerfully.  "No skanky, gay, leather Willow here."

Xander and Sam walked in, giggling at something.  "Morning all," Sam said happily.  "Hi, guys."  He hugged his friends, then pointed. "That's my Xander."  He grinned at Jo.  "And you thought I was sick and needed the hospital!"  He smirked at Bobby.  "We agreed.  We're taking a few days of honeymoon, coming to help you, then coming back here to settle into our new region."

"Works for me, Sammy."  He patted him on the arm.  "About time, boy."

"I tried!" he defended.

"Nearly every month there for a bit until I had to start getting cranky with the mood swings," Xander agreed.  "Ooh, cake?"

"Trial for the reception cake," Willow said, handing him a small piece and Sam a bigger one.  "He bounces, it's your job now."

"Has been since I found him," he reminded her with a sweet grin.  She snickered, nodding.  "No Tara?"

"Class for another hour."  She checked her watch.  "Hmm.  Oh, well, I can't make it back for English but I'll think about computer class.  Even though I hacked the teacher and he said I was too good for the mandatory class.  Buffy, Xander and Sam are here."

She came out with drinks.  "Sorry, Mom called."  She handed them over, handing Xander and Sam both a soda and John a bottle of water.  "What are you two doing in there or would I blush?" she called.

"The books," Dean said coming out with it for Giles.  "She didn't know how to account for the interest."  He walked over, getting some more cake.  "She was playing with virtual money."   He looked at Bobby.  "Hey, Anya?"  She came out to get some of her own cake.  "Do you know a vengeance guy named Bart?"

"Yeah, over those who lost their beloved toys."  She smiled.  "Why?"

"He's been bugging Bobby now for years," Dean told her.

She snorted.  "Someone had to get rid of their toy?"

"I run a salvage yard, ma'am."

She snickered. "Bart has the biggest sweet tooth ever, try feeding him honey treats and see if he'll renegotiate.  If it's been that long the owner should've quit pouting and you're clearly not going to go anywhere."  She walked off again with her cake.  "Good cake, Willow, thank you."  She looked at Giles.  "Can you help me with my plans to buy off a crack ho sometime soon?"

"We're thinking about more kids," Sam told her, mostly to keep her from going to buy a baby.

She squealed and came over to hug him.  "I'll be a good auntie again.  That'll be even cheaper so I'll have more money to make baby money and spend."  She went to stock she was so happy.

"Ditto," Willow called with a wave of her fork.

Xander looked at her.  "Isn't Tara talking to a doc?"  Willow blushed but nodded.  "She can be an aunty to yours too."

Anya gave her a look then hugged her and went back to stocking.  Two nephews!  She could go shopping all the time for presents to spoil them!

Sam looked at Buffy.  "You get that same look when people mention shoe shopping."

She giggled.  "I need it.  Not like I have a boyfriend.  The last one got turned."

John patted her on the shoulder.  "Angel said he's doing good helping him."  He looked at Bobby.  Then at Ellen.  "This is Buffy, the older slayer called."  They both smiled.  "She needs a boyfriend.  Badly.  Likes them slightly older but she needs someone who'll help her, especially if they're thinking about more kids."

"I don't care about looks, but cute is nice.  Firm is very good.  Great in bed is best," Buffy told her.  "I've had too many that didn't know what they were doing."

Xander looked down at her.  "So Angel got that happy because ....?"

"I don't know.  It was good.  Not earth shattering, but decent."  She shrugged and ate more cake.  "Willow, class?"  She sighed.  "I know, me too.  Faith, want to head up to the college?  That way you can crash on my bed for a bit?"  Faith gave her a look.  "I can crash at Mom's tonight.  Don't worry about it.  Willow's officially my roomie but she lives with Tara and Tara's kitty.  You can have the spare bed or my bed.  I can pull them apart since they're kinda skimpy on beds."

"Sure, B.  Thanks."  She nodded at them.  "Nice to meet you all.  Gotta go talk about slayer stuff."  She followed them out, looking at them.  "That's strange."

"Yeah but Xander fell in love," Buffy sighed.  "Sam's nice but he's really *normal*.  Not evil at all.  He even watches geeky things with Xander and lets Dean read comic books for the girls normal."  Faith shook her head.  "Yeah, who would've thought Xander would go for a *normal* person?  Just doesn't seem his type."  She nudged Faith.  "I'm glad you're back to being good.  It's lonely being us.  We have to stick together."

"Sure, B.  We'll talk tonight on patrol?"

"Sure," she agreed happily.  "John warned all the hunters so it'll be cool."  Faith nodded, relaxing again.

Xander looked at Sam back in the shop. "Think Buffy's complaining because you're not evil again?"

"Probably," he agreed.  "Or even demonic."

"Yeah.  That's still freaking her out too."  He finished his cake and reached for more but John moved it out of his way.  He gave him an evil look.  "I'm allowed to have sugar.  Sam made me wear out the cereal I had earlier."

"Kiss him if you want sugar, son.  You're not bouncing us to death today.  Someone might try to take Sam from you if you do."

"Try," Sam said dryly.  "I dare them to try."  Giles snickered, coming over to get his own cake.  "Can we help?"

"Go for a drive, boys.  Be back in time for patrol."  Sam nodded, going to do that, hauling Xander with him.  That way Xander could have his sugar fix.  "We had all wondered when Xander was going to finally realize Sam was his source of bouncing recently."

John snickered.  "You should see them at home, Rupert.  They're insane."

"Don't remind me," Dean called.  "Please!"  He leaned out of the office.  "Fortunately the new place has an apartment for me."  He ducked back in there.  "Hey, Ellen, any pretty female hunters coming this way for me to hit on?" he called.

"Only Jo that I know of, Dean," she called back.  "Go ahead if you want."

"No.  Thanks."

Anya walked out, looking at Ellen.  "You do know that the one who followed me got called on her?  Plus another one?  They're presently trying to figure out who gets to do what?"  She walked off again, happy that she had warned her.  "That was a good guy thing, right?  To warn her?"

"Yeah, it was," Dean agreed happily.  "Very good guy to do, Anya."  She beamed.  "What else are we working on?"

"I need to order more porn.  I'm bored with what I have."

"You know, there's that swap meet Mom goes to," he said dryly.  She beamed.  "Might get some of the same stuff you've already seen but you can check it out."

She nodded. "When is it?"

"Tonight.  Mom's going to switch out some his hentai.  Some of mine too."

She bounced and squealed, hugging him. "I'll go with you."  She walked out.  "Dean's going to show me where the swap meet is so I can get more pornography since I still haven't found a boy that's got as good of a tongue as Xander has."  She went home to pack up the stuff she had.  Maybe they'd have some good stuff there she hadn't seen.  Or she might find that one she had mistakenly sold on herself.  She missed that one.  The guy looked a lot like him.

Dean came strolling out.  "She's a former vengeance demon, Ellen.  Don't worry about it."  He looked around.  "Sammy had better have taken Xander's car and not mine."

"They did," Giles said patiently.  "Yours is about to get a ticket."  Dean went to charm the meter maid.  He did it every day he had to park downtown.  She sucked it up and he got to make her happy enough.  He shook his head.  "He's going to flirt his way out of another set of parking tickets."

John shook his head.  "Sometimes I wonder what warped Dean.  I never played like that."

"Weren't you cute with Mary when you were Sam's age?" Bobby teased.

"Bit older, but yeah," he admitted. "That's why we have Dean.  And Sam.  And she was pregnant when she died."  He sipped his water, watching Ellen and Jo both splutter.  "She got happy!  I wasn't about to deny my woman anything!"

Buffy came jogging in.  "Faith had a slayer dream.  It's that time of year again!" she said cheerfully.

"When?" John asked.

"Within six days.  Major master moving into town with his robots, his harem, his minions, and his small creature that can open the hellmouth on us.  Have to destroy all the vamps, robots, and minions.  Harem if they're harmful or want it."

"Any idea where?"

"He's moving to Angel's old mansion.  We know the layout really well."  She got that set of maps for him.  "Xander drew them out after graduation."  She handed them over.  "There you go.  Let us know.  I've got a hair appointment for the wedding in an hour and this let me skip a class too."  She bounced off to get pretty.  She needed to be pretty in case someone cute came in for the wedding.  All the magazines said that you could pick up people at weddings.

"She needs a vacation, Rupert.  She's happy about a possible apocalypse."

"I know," he agreed.  "I was thinking about sending her to stomp on Travers in person."  John gave him a look.  "He tried to call the other day.  The Council is reforming and he's still a bit off from his time in prison for tax evasion."  He got back to his reading.  "Pity about that but he really shouldn't have told Sam he'd give him a half million dollars to kill Xander for him."

John snickered.  "Shoe shopping."

"Indeed," Giles agreed.

John smirked at them. "If we *ever* need a hacker, Willow's one.  The people over the slayer's line are assholes who had a hit out on Xander for helping Buffy against their wishes."

"Especially since it was Xander doing CPR that lead to having two slayers," Giles agreed.

"It's supposed to be a watcher, a slayer, and no one else," Bobby said.  "I heard that."

"Yeah, the boy jumped in.  So they put out a bounty."  He held up a hand at the laughs.  "Willow got peeved at them for a few things.  Got into there to hack them.  Took their money so Buffy and she could go shopping in LA.  Buffy got three thousands dollars worth of shoes."  Ellen gaped.  "Her Mom wasn't happy since she got some trashy looking ones.  Willow locks them out of their own system.  Travers, the head guy, calls up and Sam talks to him.  He offers Sam a half mil to kill Xander and hand him over.  That's when Willow and Sam got *really* mean.  She put them online and turned over their weapons list to the FBI."  They all laughed at that.  "They're insane around here but it's being here and doing nightly patrols that does it to you.  I swear I felt some of mine slipping last week when the demons came to beg me to stop Xander and Sam from making out during a patrol."

"Dad, yours started to slip when you saw me being an adorable baby again," Dean said as he came to rejoin them.  He sat down in Sam's former spot, getting comfortable.  "Oh, she said you're cuter than I am.  Since she's older she needs a young boy but not as young as me.  She's a nice lady.  Has a grandbaby."

"I'll have some of those soon," he said dryly.

"Mom might not mind."

John gave him a look.  "She'd come back from the dead to smack the hell out of me with her mother's cast iron frying pan, son.  Yes she would."

"No she won't.  Anya called her up to see if she'd mind you two dating.   Mom said she would've thought you would've remarried a long time ago to get help with us.  Though she is happy the demon's dead and everyone's all right now.  Anya said she saw me being so adorable again and cooed from where she was.  She was happy that Sam's finally found someone good for him, and loves Xander.  She's going to come dream walking sometime soon to talk about future grandbabies."  He got smacked on the head.  "Ow!  What was that for?"

"For doing a seance with your mother, son."

"I didn't!  Anya did!  She told me!"

"I'm not dating her either.  No matter how hard she tries."

"You tell her.  She's been after your pants for over a year now."

"Now *that's* stubborn," Bobby joked.

Dean nodded.  "Very.  Buffy suggested it might make Dad less scowly as she put it."  Ellen burst out cackling.  "Dad was busy scowling at Mom so she suggested it to get him off Xander's ass."  An officer came in.  "Yes, sir?" he called.

"Boys, quit flirting with my woman," he said firmly.  "Before I pull over your Impala and do a check for suspected drugs and find all the weapons."  He stomped out.

"Sure, I'll quit flirting with your woman," Dean agreed, waving after him.  "Even though she has no idea you're interested in her.  I'll have to mention that."  He smirked at his dad.  "I'll get on Anya's good guy kick."  His father hit him harder this time. "Watch the hair!"

"You got that line from Buffy," Bobby taunted.

"Well, yeah," he agreed with a shiteating grin.  "Still true.  I can't pick up women if I don't look pretty."

Giles went to the paper, reading it quietly behind the counter while the old friends caught up with each other.  He groaned at one announcement. "Dean, did you put the wedding announcement in the papers?  It was nice that you put in Buffy being an attendant so they'll know not to come get her dirty."

"Yeah, thought it might keep that area clear that night," he said.  "Why?"

He turned to the next page and handed it over.  "The arrest reports, Dean."

Dean looked at it then handed it to his Dad.  "Here, you can help me beat up on my grandparents since they were just given suspended licences for DUI.  Again."  John muttered something.  "How much time did they get for the kidnaping?"

"The judge thought they had a good heart so he gave them probation and suspended sentences.  Except for Rory, who did the actual kidnaping at gunpoint," Giles told him. "He gets out of jail in a few months if I heard right.  Overcrowding and the board thought it wouldn't happen again since you were older now."

"Mom's going to freak if they show up," Dean said, starting to sulk.

"You call him Mom?" Bobby asked.  "Still?"

"He gave birth to me.  That does make him my mom.  He was good to me, better than he had to be under the spell's boundaries.  Hell, he even made me mushy now and then," Dean said dryly.  "Of course I do."  He smirked.  "Any future kids will be nieces and nephews.  No matter which one carries them."

"Sam's works?" John asked.  "He didn't say that.  I thought his was latent or closed."

"No, Xander found out it's open.  That's why Sam screams so much when they're in the teasing mood," Dean said dryly.  John groaned.  "The doc at the hospital did a scan, said it was all in working order if Sam wanted to use the spell and some eggs."  He shifted.  "What was the vial on the shelf in the kitchen that broke?"

John considered it.  "The present Dru left your first Christmas.  Willow said it should have been frozen so we didn't worry about it."

"Then I won't worry that Sammy broke it last night by accident getting a bowl down."  He shifted again.  "Anyone want a tour?"  Ellen nodded so he got up to lead them around and show them were everything was, plus to tell them about some of the hunts he'd been on since he had turned sixteen.

"He gets the new bounciness from Xander too," John told Bobby, getting a laugh. "Go shop.  He's got books we've never heard about.  Including classification manuals."

"Second shelf, blue bookshelf," Giles said as he read.  "Plus his order is in.  It's in the basement, Mr. Singer."

"Thanks, Rupert.  Nice of you."

He smiled.  "Saves shipping costs to both of us."  He went to get it, bringing back the box.  "The gall you wanted will take another three days.  It has to be gathered on the full moon and last month was a bad one to gather."

"That's fine.  I'll probably be here then."  That got a nod and Giles went back to his reading.  Bobby checked his box.  "New catalog?"

"Yes, the Council was ditching some of their older books.  Someone in the library suggested they could do it through me instead of the people in Britain since they were watching for more tax fraud.  Of course, I'll be filing the proper paperwork anyway," he said happily.

John shook his head.  "Some year they're going to fire Travers for being the root of all the problems."

"As long as he doesn't come over here, I could care less," Giles said smugly.  "Angel and Wesley are coming for the wedding so you are the first to see that."  Bobby found a few he could use and made out the order form for him.  He smiled and got them, letting him pay for him.  Tara came in.  "Dear, help him to his truck?"

"I can do that," John said, taking the bag to help him out there so they could go talk in private.  Bobby knew he'd want to complain about his new son-in-law's insanity in private.  Not that he didn't like the boy, but he was still slightly warped.

Tara looked at him.  "It worked."

He hugged her.  "Congratulations, Tara."  She beamed.  "Willow's in class."

"I know.  I'll tell her later."  She went to tell Joyce, finding her dusting.  "It worked."  Joyce squealed and bounced over to hug her, looking a lot like her daughter.  "Nine months of hell then eighteen years of raising one.  I'm insane."

"You'll do fine.  I did.  Xander did.  You'll do fine, Tara," she promised, taking her to the office to help her know what she'd need to for the pregnancy.

***

Sam looked at his father and brother the night of the wedding.  "Why are you two arming up?"

"Because there could be an attack," Dean said.  "Dumbass."

"There won't be.  The demons are scared of messing up Buffy's new hairdo."

"Too tempting," John told him.  "Besides, I had a shotgun at mine to hold your grandparents back from trying to kidnap Mary.  Had to use it twice.  I had one at Dean's wedding and nearly used it on him.  It's a family tradition.  I'll be having one at my grandkids' wedding some year."

Sam shook his head.  "You're insane, Dad.  Take a long vacation from Sunnydale."  He finished fixing his jacket and looked at them.  "I should've gotten my hair cut shorter."

"Too late now," Dean quipped.  "Besides, he's seen your mop, Sammy.  He hasn't minded yet."  He picked some cat fur off him.  "Bastest was giving her blessing too."  They walked out together, taking the Impala to the place where they were holding the wedding.  It was holy ground, some protection, and in the park, but Buffy had made sure *everything* in town knew about the wedding so they shouldn't be bothered.  Just in case, he had checked the trunk twice in the last day for extra weapons.  He knew most of the hunters were armed too.  Buffy even had a few stakes in her cleavage.  He had helped whittle them for her.  They got out and found Buffy waiting.  "We good?"

"So far.  Who's idea was it to do it at dusk?"  Sam slowly raised his hand.  "Never mind."  Her mother pulled up with Tara, Xander, and Willow.  "Okay, we're here."  She looked at John's shotgun. "Isn't it a bit late for a shotgun wedding, John?"

"Family tradition, in case of kidnaping attempt or attack."

"Sure.  You be paranoid.  It'd be a stupid demon who'd make me messy tonight."  She gave him a pat on the arm, turning Sam around.  She nodded at the pastor, who started the music.  She walked Sam up there with Dean and his Dad walked him down the aisle.  Xander was walked up preceded by Willow and Tara but her Mom walked him down the aisle.  She sniffled and Dean handed over a hankie.  "We taught you well," she said.  She dabbed at her eyes.

Xander looked at the shotguns then at John.  "I won't run.  It's too late for that.  He's already mine."

"It's in case something tries to take you from him, kid.  Like one of your exes."

"Buffy killed most of them," he quipped.  A few of the guests laughed.  Sam had complained long and hard about Xander's former love life during his pregnancy.  He stepped into place.

Pastor Jim looked at the couples, then at the audience.  "It's about time we were gathered here to make this official in the eyes of the Lord as well as the eyes of their friends and family.  It's been a long two years of waiting, watching these two settle each other down, and get ready to make a solid commitment."  Something came running up screaming something obscene in a demon language.

Xander pulled out a collapsible rod and extended it with a flick of his wrist, then beat the demon on the head twice.  It fell down unconscious.  He unscrewed the center and collapsed it again.  Sam gave him an amused look.  "Paranoid is good.  It was even concealed."  John took it from him.  "Sure, you hold that."  He took Sam's face in his hands and kissed him.  "Mine."

"The same as you're mine," Sam murmured.  "Let Jim do the formal stuff, Xander.  We can have cake soon."  A few more snickers, mostly from their attendants.

"That does come later, boys," Jim agreed, getting more laughs.  "Before we go on are there any more people who disagree with this wedding?"  Nothing.  "One last chance.  The next one Dean gets.  Or Sam."

"Oh, we do, but we think it's cute you guys set up a buffet for us," one of the vampires in town said.  "By the way, we spiked the ground last night."

Buffy looked down.  "Thought it was a bit squishy under my new shoes."

Sam and Xander both pulled guns and shot the vampires, Dean right behind them with a shrug.  Sam put his gun back and grinned at Jim.  "Xander and Dean worked out how to do wooden bullets that work very well."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He smirked.  John took both boy's guns too.  "Any other weapons?  I do believe John wants you to start your newly married life unarmed."  Xander sighed and handed over his pocket knife, getting a few more laughs.  "Good.  Now then.  Yes, it's been amusing watching these two slowly get together and to reraise Dean where he had to grow up.  They've proven their future children will be well taken care of with how well they did.  Sam proved he had patience when Xander said they had to wait until the spell on Dean snapped.  Xander proved he had a sense of humor by teaching Dean how to swear in many demon languages behind his father's back."  Something came strolling over and Buffy glared, making it scurry off.  "Thank you, young lady."

"Buffy," she said happily.

"Ah, I've heard of you."  She smiled at him.  He looked at the couple.  "I know I usually insert a nice sermon here about patience, tolerance, and love being enough to get past all the annoying quirks, but these two don't seem to need it.  They've learned to live together already.  They've learned patience and how to care for each other through problems and good time, and even injuries and hunting.  So I'll skip to the important part.  Vow to each other, your family and friends, and the Lord, boys.  Xander?"

Xander looked at Sam.  "You're insane for wanting me.  For wanting to hunt with me, slay beside me, possibly have more kids in the future, and to stay here.  I don't know why you do it.  I'm glad you do but I have no idea why.  I guess that's what love is.  For that much alone I love you back because you put up with my anime, my battle axe, my friends, and my sugar addiction.  So yeah, you're the man and I'm still your mate."

Sam sniffled.  "Actually, I think you're insane wanting to marry into this family.   I love you for it though.  And yes, staying here is fine with me.  Sunnydale will be warped for the better with both of us helping Buffy slay on patrols.  Your anime I put up with but your battle axe is beautiful and you're stunning when you use it.  How could I not keep you as mine.  You're mine and my mate.  No matter how many more vampires or incubi or demons want you, you're staying mine.  Even if I do have to kill every demon to make sure of it."  John let out a small sniff at that.  Dean handed him a hankie too with a smug look.  John bopped him on the head for it.

Jim smiled at the boys.  "Yes, love does mean putting up with some insanity but they fill your heart so it's full of joy, most of the time.  I think you two will make a long-lasting, very strong, powerful couple for many years to come.  If God is kind, you'll be training your grandkids how to hunt before sending them out to fulfill their destinies, as hunters or not, but making sure they're going to do great things for the world."  He smiled at Buffy.  "I believe you have the rings, my dear?"  She handed them over.  He smiled at them. "Simple bands for men who want others to believe they're simple, but are in fact some of the most complex souls I have ever met.  These simple bands are a symbol to others so that they know at first look that you are married and that no one should come between you.  Heaven help their soul if they do."  He blessed the rings then handed one to Sam, who changed it out, getting a small smile.  "Intone your vow, Samuel."

"I, Samuel Allen Winchester, do take you to be my wedded husband," he said, sliding the ring on Xander's finger.  He frowned at the looseness, switching them out.  "Sorry, I got it wrong."

Xander took his when Jim handed it over.  "I, Alexander Lavelle Harris, do take you to be my wedded husband."  He slid it up his finger, then grinned. "You're stuck now, buddy.  No way you're escaping and I'll kill whatever tries to flirt with you."

"Sure, the same as I get yours," Sam promised, giving him a kiss.

Jim coughed, letting Dean poke them to separate them.  "Not yet."

"Um, sorry," Xander said with a goofy grin.  "There's more beyond the cake?"

"I foresee a long future of you two driving each other insane," Jim said when Sam sighed at the cake comment.  "All right, since we're impatient, I now pronounce you husband and husband.  Let no man, demon, or creature tear asunder what God has brought together though the most unusual agencies.  Do it again then we'll have cake."  Xander dipped Sam this time, making him groan in pleasure.

"Mom, the rest of us are hungry," Dean complained after the kiss kept going.  "Can we have cake now?  You guys have a whole life to kiss and whatever."

Sam laughed, breaking the kiss.  "Sure, Dean, we'll go back to the store and have cake."  He kissed Xander's hand, turning to look at everyone, who was staring at them.  "Just think, they think I'm the normal one."  They walked back to the cars with the laughter behind them.  He looked at the cars, then at Xander.  "Walking, riding?  Got a preference?  We forgot this part."

"Get in the Impala.  You're a Winchester now," John ordered. "The other Winchesters started their lives in the car, you can start your life as one of us in it too," he said with a smile.  That got a few more smiles.

"No making out either," Dean called, walking around to drive.  His dad got the shotgun position and they headed back to the shop.

Buffy sniffled.  Her mother gave her a hug.  "Some year you'll find one of those too, Buffy."  She gave her a nudge.  "Let's go to the store for the reception," she announced.  "If you get lost, turn at the bank then again at the coffee shop."  She walked off, the other attendants getting into her SUV.

An hour later, after the cake and the boys sneaking off for their honeymoon at the kinky motel Xander had claimed Sam at, Buffy looked around.  "Giles?"  He looked over.  "Should I go out tonight?"

"You probably should, just in case," he agreed.  She nodded, grabbing some stakes.

"Give me a second and I'll go with you, Buffy," Dean called.  He finished his cake and punch, grabbing his own weapons.  He grinned.  "It's a hunter's wedding so if you guys want to hit patrol with us, you're more than welcome to.  The more the merrier.  If not, stay out of the demon bar.  They're having their own party and vowed it'd be peaceful."

"We need to check the mansion too," Buffy reminded him.  "The woosy new master's moving into town with his minions and harem.  Should be an easy stakage."

"Sure," he agreed, following her and Faith out.  Most of the others followed too.  Dean knew that they thought Buffy couldn't do much at her size because slayers were still mythical to them.  They'd learn and what better way to get a boy impressed with Buffy than by letting them hunt with her.

Joyce smiled at the minster that had stayed behind and a few others.  "So, if one of them decides they like my girl, will you do hers too?"

"I'd be honored, Mrs. Summers.  She seems like a sweet girl.  A bit bouncy but a sweet, good girl.  She'll make some hunter a very fussy wife someday soon."

"If God is kind," she agreed happily.  He laughed.  "Fair warning, she'll want to be a princess at hers but she'll have weapons too."

"Decorative ones?" John teased.

"Probably," she agreed, patting him on the arm.  "Glad they're out for two days?"

"Hell yes!  Especially with that new master moving into town.  Fortunately Dean sucked up enough geek tendencies from Xander that he'll be able to defeat anything the guy brings with him."  Jim gave him an odd look.  "He's got some robots too."

"A geeky master vampire?" he said, smiling some.  "Interesting."

"As long as my daughter doesn't fall for him," Joyce said, toasting him with her punch.  John laughed and nodded at that.  "Think they pulled off the road yet?" she teased.

John nodded.  "Maybe but I made sure Sam wore full underwear tonight so he'll have a bit of a problem."

"I did the same thing to Xander.  He pouted," she said with a laugh.  She took the minister over to sit on the couch with him.  "You should've heard some of the complaints Buffy had.  They'd stop to cuddle while on patrol.  She'd be off doing a minion or two and they'd be kissing against a tombstone or a crypt."  He giggled.  "A few times some of the demons went running and crying.  Some watched."

"Some tried to participate," John said.  He flopped down on Jim's other side.  "When I married Dean off I got drunk that night.  I should do that tonight."

Joyce smiled at him.  "It's probably safe enough.  Just don't go to Willie's."

"That's right, he said the demons were holding their own celebration tonight."  He got up.  "Later, guys.  I'll see someone tomorrow.  Call."  He walked out, going to get a small pint bottle and head back to his place to celebrate and remember his own married life.  He watched out the window, smiling at Dean swaggering home to the shared apartment.  That would be fixed soon enough.  Then Dean could have his own apartment and quit complaining about how noisy Sam and Xander were.  He took another sip, watching Buffy pause across the street.  He tapped on the window and waved her to come up.  She looked depressed.  He let her inside, giving her a smile.  "He show up?"

"Yes, and it was Jonathan.  A friend of Warren's."  She flopped down.  "He had a whole harem of girls and minions and I can't get a date.  That's really unfair."

"It is," he agreed, handing her a drink.  "I made yours light."

"Thanks.  I need it."  She sipped.  "So, you look upset."

"Remembering my own."

She smiled.  "I've dreamed but I probably won't get that.  Slayers don't last that long."  She took a drink.  "I'd be happy just to have a boyfriend."  She took another drink.  "Faith snagged one of the young ones already.  Maybe I need to be slutty to get a nice guy."

"Which one?"

"The one with the blue shirt and the brown vest."

"I know him.  His daddy's a hunter.  He's slightly insane about hunting."

"Faith is too.  It's good she's healed."  She took a longer drink.  "What did you put in here?"

"Whiskey."  He got her another one when he made himself one.  "Mary would've giggled all the way through the wedding."

"I did like the attacks," she admitted.  "It's a very slayerette thing to have happen.  Another reason I can't have one.  Vampires would invade.  Like every other celebration I've been at something bad would happen.  Tonight was at least a nice one."  She looked at him.  "I had zombies invade for my birthday once," she told him.

He smiled.  "Zombies?"

"Yeah.  Zombies."  She sighed, slumping down some.  "I thought whiskey was harsh tasting.  All the books say it burns."

"I didn't mix yours that strong so the soda covers it, Buffy."

"Oh, it's good."  She poured herself some more, going back to drinking.  "Think you'll be throwing one for Dean soon?"

"Not anytime shortly.  Some year soon but not that soon."  He finished his drink, cheered up by her pouting.  "When it's your turn we'll make sure nothing's going to attack."

"Hell, I'm Buffy, it'll be an apocalypse that'll happen right when the minister asks if anyone objects.  He'll take that as a sign from God that it can't go on.  He'll spread it around so no one would marry us if the guy stays."

"That's what Vegas is for," he said dryly.  She beamed at that.  "You can do the whole carriage and princess thing, see a show, then head home the next night with some preplanning."

"You and Mary did?"

"No.  I had to shoot at her father twice for trying to take her back."  Buffy giggled, leaning on his arm.  He put an arm around her shoulder.  "I feel old tonight.  My son's married.  I'll be getting grandkids soon."

"You're not old, John.  Men are supposed to live until their seventies or eighties.  I'm ancient by slayer standards.  Most of us are lucky to make it to sixteen.  Hell, I'm nearly twenty-three."  She finished her drink, putting the glass down.  "I should slow down on those."

"Probably.  It's stronger than you think."

She looked at him and grinned.  "So am I."  She snuggled into his side. "Tell me how Mary planned hers?"

"Why?" he asked, smiling fondly at her.

"Because it'd be like a fairytale to me, John.  I could use more fairytales and fantasies.  As long as they don't come to life.  I will put that one down.  I don't want them to come to life so everyone knows."

He stroked over her hair.  "I can understand that.  Everyone's got fantasies," Buffy."  He smiled.  "I wasn't too fond of the dress.  She had this ruffly, puffy thing of a wedding dress.  Looked like she made it out of curtains but I loved her enough even in that dress."  He finished his drink.  "Her daddy had some of his buddies try to stop her outside and I shot at his feet.  Then we went inside.  The minister was amused but Mary, she stood up to her parents when they tried to stop it again.  He pulled a gun and I pulled mine back out when it was time to say the vows.  Got him on the foot.  He was carried out crying and the minister went on after everyone calmed down and the cops had been there."  She giggled.  "Mary threw an unholy fit at her mom.  They never did consider me good enough for her.  Tried to take the boys away from me the day of the funeral.  I had a restraining order put in when CPS found I was okay, just grieving.  They even tried to bribe the judge but he had them arrested.  A few weeks after the honeymoon we had a slight accident with the birth control," he said dryly.

"You were just as insane for her as Sam is for Xander, huh?" she asked quietly.

He smiled and nodded.  "Yup.  The night she threw half the pots in the house at me to tell me she was pregnant she nearly died from the celebrating.  I nearly died from the celebrating.  Then Dean came out and he was the sweetest thing.  Until his first diaper.  Then I knew that God's punishment to mankind was children, not childbirth."  She giggled and nodded, giving his arm a hug.  "Mary used to hate diapers so she'd try to get me to change him by being sneaky."

"Sam's rule was 'if you have custody of him and he needs changed you're doing it'," she said.  "Did you hear?  Tara's pregnant."

"She'll be a great mom.  She was to Dean when the boys were at work."  She nodded.  He smiled at her.  "If you need to nap, go ahead, princess."

"Not a princess.  No kingdom would let me be a princess.  I have to fight and do ungirly things.  I used to do girly things.  I was a cheerleader.  I was eighth grade homecoming queen for my school," she said, looking up at him.  "I was on the debutante track and then I got poked with the slayer sharpie to redraw the hairy mole I had removed."

"The system sucks for you girls," he agreed quietly.

"The one before me got called at twelve," she said.  "It really sucked for her.  She didn't even get to be kissed by a boy.  Then again the Watchers raised her so she wouldn't have been kissed by a boy unless her Watcher was a sicko."  She looked up at him.  "Most slayers last nine months.  I've lasted since I was fifteen."

"I'm incredibly proud of you," he said honestly.  "You do things so hunters like my family don't have to.  I doubt many slayers could do what you have here, even if they did live as long as you have."  He stroked over her hair again.  "You do a lot of things that make you seem like some heroine in one of Xander's comic books."  She beamed at him for that.  "I couldn't do it, especially not in your shoes."

She giggled, punching him on the arm.  "They help and they make me look more fashionable, therefore more helpless, to the vamps."

"I've noticed that."  He heard someone on the stairs and started to move but the door was kicked in before he could.

"I hate you both!" he shouted.  "You ruined everything!"  He threw something at them then ran off into the night.

Buffy blinked.  "That was Jonathan.  He's a buddy of Warren's."  She got up to see what he had thrown.  "Um, John, it's a blinky thing."

He got up and moved her out of the way.  "That's a concussion or smoke grenade.  Move."  She moved, grabbing the bottle on the way.  He got them behind the couch before it went off, barely.  The smoke coming out was choking and smelled like chemicals.  "Can they make bioweapons?" he coughed.

She shrugged.  "Maybe?   Don't know.  No one's really sure what they can do."  She stood up and turned on the exhaust fan over his stove.  "It doesn't seem to be killing us so I'm guessing it's just a really bad chemistry experiment.  Did you see the shirt?  He was *clearly* trying to be Xander."

John stood up, looking at her.  "That's another thing I'll never have; I'll never be able to put things into a light like you did."  She smiled at that, preening a bit.  He felt his head start to get a bit dizzy and grabbed it.  "Maybe we're wrong and it is a biological agent."

She looked at the pieces.  "Probably magical."  She held up something.  "That's hair."  She dropped it and wiped her hand on her pants.  "Want to clear out?  Go kitty sit with Dean?"

"No, we should be fine," he decided, opening a window.  "Why didn't anyone come?"  She gave him a clueless look.  "No cops, no fire department?"

"After hours in Sunnydale?" she asked, snickering.  "Not happening.  We'll file a report tomorrow if he's still living."  She pulled out her cellphone and called Dean. "We're okay. The 'splody thing went boom and smelled way bad but Jonathan ran out nearly crying after he threw it at us.  Yeah, we're fine."

"We're fine, son," John said next to the phone.  He caught the scent of her perfume.  "You really went all out for the wedding."

"Of course, I was hoping some of them would be nice guys."  She smiled and hung up.  "Maybe some would move here so I'd have a shot.  Then I could be a princess vampire slayer for a day.  Go on vacation.  Get some great sex.  That stuff," she finished with a grin.  He grinned back.  Then he kissed her.  "Hmm, wondering if that was a lust bomb."

"Could be," he agreed.  "Or the liquor.  It is pretty strong."

"Hmm, is," she agreed, pulling him back to kiss him.  "Still tastes good."

***

Joyce pounded on Dean's door the next morning, getting him up.  He had bedhair and was mostly naked.  "Buffy never came home last night."

"She's with Dad.  They called after the woosey vampire threw some sort of grenade at them.  She called to say they were fine and she was giggling.  I heard a fan in the background.  Since they didn't show up anywhere looking for a bed I'm assuming it was fine."  He ran a hand through his hair.  "Want to go check?"

"Yes.  Jonathan was Warren's friend and we know what *he* did."  Dean nodded, going to get dressed.  She squatted down to pet the cat.  "Hi, Bastest.  I'll bring him back in a few minutes."  The cat nuzzled her hand then went to the couch.  "Did we not fix her?" she asked when Dean came out putting on his jacket.

"Melinda and Tara never agreed to."  He closed and locked the door, following her down to the Impala.  "Want a ride?"

"I'll follow you."  He nodded, getting in to drive.  She got into her SUV to drive after him, thinking hard.  Jonathan was a dead vampire by her hand if her daughter was hurt from him.  They parked and she followed him up the stairs, smiling at him pulling out his spare key.  It was probably safer.  He held up a hand and snuck inside, then came back out and closed the door as silently as he could, walking her back outside.  "Are they okay?"

He shook his head quickly.  "They're having a Xander and Sam moment actually."  She gaped.  "The fragments I found looked like spell residue.  Want me to go interrupt them? She might kill me."

She looked up there then at him, smirking evilly.  "Got a shotgun and Jim's number?"  He gaped.  "She's not on birth control, Dean.  Her cycle is in one week and about five days.  That means she's probably fertile."

"Hey, a new sister," he said happily.  "Dad'll beat us senseless."

"Everyone's still here.  Better do it now than to call them back."

He snickered.  "That's mean."

"I want my little girl to be happy, Dean.  As happy as Xander is.  At least your dad can help her with her duties and he understands her.  I won't force the marriage but I can make sure she wants him."

He considered it.  "Get Jim to agree," he sighed.  He'd be missing chunks of his ass but oh well.  If she did it for his dad, he'd get over the creepy feelings.  Then again, they had both changed him so it wasn't like he was hitting on them.  She smiled and went to find Jim at his hotel room.  He waited, watching the apartment.  A few of the other hunters came over.  "Guys, might want to wait.  Someone threw a lust spell grenade through dad's door last night.  Buffy's mom went to find Pastor Jim."  They snickered.  "So we'll see what's going to happen."  She and Jim came back.  He handed her a shotgun.  "Loaded with rocksalt.  It won't kill them but it'll hurt like a bitch."  She smiled.  "Know how?"

"Dean, sweetie, my father hunted anything that moved.  Nearly my husband twice too.  I should've let him."  They headed up there together.  She looked at the door.  "Hmm.  How does she do that."  Jim pointed at a spot so she kicked it in, bringing John running with a knife.  "Do try it, Jonathan Winchester!"  He stared at her, then behind her, blushing.  "I want to know your intentions."

"Mom, hangovers are evil.  You're yelling," Buffy called, coming out in her panties and nothing else.  She looked down and squeaked, hiding behind John's back.  "Um, mom.  Is that Dean's shotgun?"

"Yes, dear," she said with a sweet smile.  She looked at John, who blushed.  "Tell me I'm not going to be a grandmother!"

"She's not...."  He looked at Buffy.  "No birth control pills?"

"No reason to.  Hello, was dating Spike."  She shrugged.  "Riley was getting commando shots so he wasn't working right at all.  Besides, they made me feel sick.  I felt like I was pregnant."  She rubbed her forehead.  "Mom, why do you have Dean's shotgun?"

He coughed.  "For the same reason you're nearly naked, Buffy."

Buffy looked around his arm at her mother.  "Did you make Jonathan send in the nasty smelling grenade?"

Jim bent to look at things.  "Hmm.  He botched it.  This was to call a demon here to eat you both."  He stood up, dusting off his hands, looking at them.  "Well, John.  I expected this talk with Dean, not you."

"Not cute, Jim," he growled.  He put his hands on his hips, feeling Buffy moving more firmly behind his back.  "Buffy, go get dressed?"  She went to do that.  "Joyce, I'm an honorable man.  You can put it down."

She smirked.  "I want my girl to be happy, John.  Someone who understands her and knows what it's like to do this nightly."  He slumped, nodding.  "Now, should I have to fire at you, you're going to be in a bit of pain.  Dean said rocksalt hurts like hell."

"It does," he agreed.  "He hit me once when I was trying hard not to wake them up coming in from a hunt."

Buffy came out in her top.  "Um, can't find my skirt," she said, finding it under the couch.  "How did you get down here?"  She slid into it then her shoes.  "Mom, put down the gun?  Please?  Not like *that* happened.  John let me snuggle and we groped, nothing else."

She looked at her. "Are you sure?"  Buffy shrugged.  "Buffy, think, dear.  Your cycle's in just under two weeks."  Buffy went pale.  "I'll put it down and walk away if you didn't."

"Um...."  She looked at John.  "The whiskey was pretty strong."

He nodded.  "It was.  The grenade too."  He considered it then went to get pants on at least.  He checked himself, coming out shaking his head.  "You should shoot me.  I'm sorry, Buffy."

"That's why there's the morning after pills," she said bluntly, standing up.  "I love you, Mom.  You're great and neat and all that, but even then he couldn't want me."

"Shut up," John said.  "You're a beautiful young woman, Buffy."  She gave him a  stunned look.  "You and Xander both think you're only good for your muscles and what you can do to save the world.  You're more than that.  I wanted to beat that attitude out of him but I know where his comes from.  I'm not sure where yours does since your mother has sense and good taste.  I know she didn't beat you that way."  She slowly shook her head.  "Then quit!  You're more than the slayer.  Get over it as you say."

She blinked.  "Wow," she said weakly.  "Well, I guess I'm pretty.  Still.  For a few more years."  She shrugged.

Her mother gave her a look then swatted her hard.  "Shut up.  You're being a bimbo again, Buffy."

"Mom!"

John snickered.  "She pretended so long it became a reality?"

"Could be."

Buffy scowled at them.  John stared at her.  "Buffy, do something for me," he said suddenly.  "Pinch yourself."  She pinched herself and he rubbed the same spot.  "Jim, we need to know how he messed it up."

She called Willow.  "Wicca 911.  Jonathan threw a spell grenade at me and John last night."  He patted himself on the arm and she felt it, giving him an odd look.  "I'm feeling it when John touches his arm, Willow.  He felt me pinch myself.  Mom's here with a shotgun and a minister."  She hung up.  "Give her ten."

"Dean, go get Willow ASAP!" John yelled.  He heard the car start and pull out.  He sat down on the couch.  "Okay, let's calm down and think."

"If what you're thinking is right," Jim started.

"I need the shotgun," Joyce said.

Willow and Dean showed up five minutes later.  Willow found the spell and knelt to look at it.  "Oh, fudgescicles."  She looked up.  "Felt hot and wanted each other?"  Buffy slowly nodded.  "Were you drinking or anything?"  She nodded again.  "It might've only linked you but the sex sealed it I think."  She called Giles.  "It's me.  What you found out Jonathan had ordered was right.  It's here.  He put it into a grenade casing, Giles.  Buffy and John.  They had sex by the looks of them."  She handed the phone to Joyce.  "Here.  Let him read to you."  She pulled them back to the bedroom to look at them.  "We'll have to negate the secondary portion of the spell.  It was to get you out of the way, Buffy.  To make it so you could not slay because you'd be...."  She waved at her stomach.  "Sprung."  Buffy went pale.  "At least he didn't pick some dweeb to hitch you to.  The good news is...."

"Giles said he can't counter it if they had actual sex, Willow," she called.

John swallowed.  "Buffy?"  She went into the bathroom, coming out pale.  "Yes?"

"Yeah, after effects."  She blushed, glancing at the bed then at him.  "Okay.  Now what?"

"I think your mom was right to borrow the shotgun," Willow said.  She 'eeped' and ran out at the dual glares.

Buffy looked at him.  "This is not what I intended when I came over last night." she said.  "I intended to cheer you up a bit.  Not to end up claimed and mated."  She sat on the bed, looking at him.  "I'm not going to..."

"I taught my sons to be honorable men and I am one, Buffy," he said firmly.  He looked at her.  "Want to be a princess on renewal?"  She gave him a look.  "If we're stuck this way, we're already technically bound."

She slumped.  "It's not right.  I feel like one of those sleazy girls who does it to trap some guy into marriage.  I'm not that sort of bimbo."  He swatted her.  "Hey!"

"Don't put yourself down again, Buffy."  She pouted at him.  "Sammy does that better."  She cracked, giggling as he had intended.  "So I guess the question is, want gold or silver?"

She blinked at him.  "But..."  She waved at the ring he still wore.

"She'd kick my hind end if I didn't.  I'd do it to myself."  She slumped again.  "Jim?"  He came in.  "How long can you stay?"

"Two weeks at the most.  I have a birthing I've got to attend.  They're inducing that day.  Why?"

He hauled her up.  "She wants to be a princess.  Besides, we need Sammy back here."

Jim nodded.  "We can do that."  He smiled at Buffy, kissing her on the forehead.  "You'll do fine."  He left, nodding at Joyce, who smiled and handed the shotgun back.  "We'll let you two finish talking and getting dressed.  Meet you at the store?"

"Sure, fine," John agreed, walking them out.  "Make Dean not snicker or try to prank me.  Little smug bastard," he muttered.  Joyce walked off laughing.  He closed the door, looking at her when she came out.  "Well."

"Yeah, well.  A big, deep one full of horse manure."  She sat down again, looking at him.  "I'm not going to make you...."  He kissed her and she remembered some of last night, moaning into his mouth.  "John!"

"Get the pills on the way.  Got something to change into?"

"I'll shower at the store.  I have in the past," she said.  He nodded, going to shower and get dressed while she looked around.  This is not what she expected on Xander's wedding night.  A minor apocalypse but getting married was a major one!

***

Sam blinked as he answered his phone. "Dean, trying to sleep for the next round, dude."  He blinked, sitting up.  "Excuse me?  Say it without the laughter this time?" he ordered.  Xander moaned, reaching up to tease his stomach.  He listened to it, smiling halfway through.  It was so comical.  "Uh-huh.  When?"

"What?" Xander asked, sounding sleepy.  Sam kissed him.  Xander smiled.  "Fine, I can wait."

Sam listened then nodded. "We'll be there."  He hung up, flipping over to land on top of Xander, looking down at him.  "Jonathan was the new master moving in."  Xander groaned.  "He threw a spell grenade through Dad's door while he had Buffy over for a drink after the wedding and patrol.  It bound them.  Dean said he's feeling it when she bumps her elbow and things."

"So we're going to be going home to a shotgun wedding?"

"Dean said the first thing she did was take a morning after pill."

"Oh, thank God.  I don't think I could handle Buffy having mood swings."

Sam smirked.  "We get to razz them."

Xander gave him an even more evil smirk. "Didn't you hear about Buffy's celebration curse?  Any celebration she's at has an attack."  Sam gaped.  "It wasn't just the ones during the wedding.  Something like that has to take time and prep.  They planned to hit her and whoever she was with that night."

"Oh shit," he muttered.  "Well, Warren can have some company in hell since he committed suicide before I could get him for shooting you.  Jonathan should be right beside him somewhere."

"We need to find Andrew and threaten him when we get back.  When is it?"

"Next Saturday."  He took a kiss.  "Buffy wants to be a princess."

"We'll have to rebless the ground or the store, then make sure nothing and no one will attack with the witches."

Sam smirked.  "No one would *dare* mess up Dad's wedding day, Xander.  Even the demons are scared to death of him."  He took another kiss.  "Now, I believe I was going to make you scream my name in another key, wasn't that what I promised?"

Xander moaned.  "I'm tired, Sam."

"I know, Xander, but it'll be fun. Then we'll nap, go pick on Angel a bit, then come back after dinner and do it again."

Xander considered it.  "Sounds like a honeymoon to me."  He pulled Sam down to kiss him properly.

***

"The kinky twins have returned," Dean joked when Sam walked into the store with a sleepy Xander.  "What's wrong?  Too much in the car?" he joked.

"No, he took a nap on the way back."  He settled him onto the couch next to Tara, letting her hold him.  "So, shotgun?"

"It was only fair.  He got me to mine with one."  He smirked evilly at his father when he came out of the back room.  "I leant mine to Joyce so she could defend her daughter's honor."

"Thankfully the healer said she's not pregnant," John said.

Xander blinked at him.  "If she was, we'd get you a stun gun for the mood swings."

"I can handle mood swings, Xander."

"Better than I could hopefully," Sam said.  "Xander had this bad habit of throwing things at everyone.  He even released the sock demon when he finally broke that urn the fifth try."

"I want siblings, someone work harder on that," Dean complained, heading to help Anya stock.  She had celebrated with a few of the hunters until they all ended up in the ER with chest pains.  It was his good deed for the week.

"Is that how you're announcing your choice, son?" John asked Dean's back.

"No, she and a few of the younger boys celebrated the wedding until they ended up in the ER last night, Dad."

"It was good and one of them can do Xander's tongue thing," Anya said happily.  She looked sated and content.  "I'll have to find him again sometime soon for more since he lives in LA now."  She went back to her stocking.

"We're all insane," Buffy muttered.

"It's Sunnydale," Sam agreed happily.  "It's what the hellmouth does to us."

She looked at John.  "Can we blow it up?"

"Sure, we can do that."

"We're nearly done with the school, Dad," Sam complained. "They'll make us do it again."

"Son, I'm talking the whole town," John said, looking serious.

"Warehouse on eighteenth," Xander said, half asleep.  "The mugrats have 'splosives for sale cheaply.  Only want Anya for a night.  Even have something nuclear but they're still trying to figure it out."

Anya came out of the shelves.  "The mugwraiths want me?"

He blinked at her and nodded.  "Have for a while now.  They want you to be a clan guardian or something."

"That's a prestigious position.  They're procurers for most of the demon world."  She looked around.  "I could open my own store."  Xander nodded.  "Hmm."

"We want all the weapons, explosives, and all the harmful things they have presently," Dean said.  "We'll handle them and what we don't need we'll make sure it only hits hunters or the ATF."

She shrugged. "Let me talk to them."  She went to talk to them, bringing John with her.

Xander looked at Dean.  "Something I learned from D&D, sewers create huge explosions.  Ones that can carry on under the right circumstances."

"And that would cover the town," he said thoughtfully.

"Then what would I do?" Buffy complained.

Xander smirked.  "Move to Kansas with John?"

She blushed, heading back into the workroom.  "Sam, you did it too much, he's silly again."

Dean looked at Sam, he was thinking hard.  "What?" he asked.  "Your giant brain is spinning, college boy."

"The methane demons that we have to keep running out of the sewers."  Dean gaped.  "If we don't it's an explosion risk, right?"  Dean walked off shuddering.  "Well, it'd work!"

"They're gross too," Xander said, putting his head back on Tara's lap.  "Nice auntie's lap," he sighed in pleasure.  She giggled, stroking over his hair.  "Tara, he's mean.  He woke me up and wouldn't let me have sex this morning."

"Poor baby," she cooed.

"I thought we should get home and we got up late," Sam reminded him.  "You can have sex for lunch, Xander."

"Hmm, I make a good sandwich as long as you don't bite really hard," he teased.

"Yeah, you nearly proved it by making Angel bite you," he agreed dryly.  Buffy leaned out of the practice room to give him an odd look.  "He went to pout that they hadn't come up for the wedding."

"Oh.  Yeah, that was kinda strange."  She withdrew, knowing that Angel would call to complain soon.  He did every other time he had to run into Xander.  Maybe Angel had a Xander fixation now?  That's why he was always calling to talk about him?  She'd have to ask John if that was the literal definition.  Just in case.  She'd hate to see Sam stake him.

***

Xander walked into the demon clinic a few days after Sam and Dean had left to help Bobby, blinking at the receptionist.  "Is my OB here?"  She nodded.  "Can I see her really quick?  I feel like shit and my stomach hurts behind the flap."

"I'll get her.  You sit."  He sat down, holding his stomach.  She went to tell her.  "Mr. Harris is here.  He said his stomach hurts behind the flap.  He's pale and said he feels bad."

She went to bring him back to a room, looking him over.  She looked at his stomach, frowning.  "How did you create extra eggs?"

Xander blinked. "Huh?"

"You have eggs."  She looked at him.  "You're also pregnant."  He passed out.  "Oh, dear."  She frowned, helping him come back around.  "What happened?"  He told her about the sex, getting a head shake.  "It would take magic, Xander.  It must to create the eggs and pass the barrier."

He blinked.  "Four days or so before the wedding Sam broke a vial that Druscilla had given us."

"Describe it?"

"Tara said it was cross-species fertility.  Oh, shit!  I'm having a baby demon this time?"

She checked then shook her head.  "Human.  Fully human."  Xander slumped.  "Both of them."  He gave her a horrified look then burst out laughing.  "Hmm.  Perhaps you should rest for a bit more.  Let me get some things."  She went to get something to tell spells and came back to find him on his side in a little ball.  "Let me near it, Xander."  He flipped onto his back, letting her have access to his stomach.  She ran the wand over his stomach, nodding.  "It is fertility magic.  It implanted eggs into a small sac.  Like an ovary in certain species of fish."  She looked at him.  He was passed out again.  She checked his general health.  He was tired and weak.  The next time he woke up she looked at him.  "Where is your mate?"

"Hunting," he said weakly.  "Six weeks."

"Then we will deal with it as we did last time," she told him.  He gave her a look.  "Unless you do not want to?"

He blinked, then sniffled.  "I don't know!"

"That is fine.  Do you want to talk to someone?  You have time."  He nodded, letting her help him off the bed.  "Here, you give this to your witches," she said, writing it down.  "They will know how to cancel it once you're no longer with child.  It cannot be done until then.  You'll miscarry."  He nodded, trudging out.  She went to pull his chart and make notes.  That was not a happy mother.

Xander walked into the gallery and burst out crying, hugging Joyce, babbling at her even though someone was in there.  She got him into the office and settled down, going out to write out the receipt for the nice customer then coming back to cuddle and talk to him.  Even though he made her promise not to tell anyone, especially Sam until he had figured things out.

***

Buffy watched Xander sulk around the shop, frowning.  "You could call him."

"I did earlier.  He's out hunting the thing down tonight."  He shrugged.  "You call yours yet?"

"Twice.  I'm a bit clingy and he's off doing dangerous stuff.  Stuff that Riley's people should be doing really."  She sat down next to him, giving him a hug.  "Want to talk?"

"No."  He looked at her.  "Not yet."  She nodded, leaving him alone for now.  He looked at Tara when she came in.  "What did you think that vial Dru gave us did?"  She shrugged.  "Beyond it being *fertility* magic?"  She gave him a horrified look.  He pulled her down next to him to hiss in her ear, getting a hug back.  He subtly held up two fingers, making her moan lightly.  "Yeah.  So the next time you see it."

"I'll know what it does.  Have you told ..."  He shook his head.  "Why not?"

"Not sure."

She pouted.  "Fine.  You can be not sure.  That's up to you."  She snuggled into his side.  "My doctor doesn't want me to be here."

"That's because being here carries a higher risk of miscarriage, brain damage, or death for both of you," he said dryly.  "Most women are forced out of town when they're pregnant."  She pouted.  "It's nearly summer vacation.  Go somewhere with her.  Take a vacation.  You know it goes slower here.  Head for the east coast, go see pretty people."

She shrugged.  "I didn't budget that."  He gave her a look then hauled her up with him, taking her to the bank.  He walked her inside and to the teller, writing down an account number on a withdrawal slip then looked at her then wrote down an amount.  "Here."

"Going on another roadtrip?" the teller asked.

"She's pregnant.  Her doc forgot to warn her that carrying here is dangerous.  Speaking of, what did my mother have?"

"One of the poor ones without anything inside. CPS already got the baby, Xander," she said quietly.

"I figured they had if they lived," he said.  "So now I'm doing the same thing for her."  That got a nod and the teller bundled up the cash for him into an envelope.  He handed it to her.  "Go, shoo.  Tonight.  Willow should've already drug you out of town."

"But...."

"Hush," he ordered.  She pouted.  "Tonight.  This is the time when the baby's doing the most developing.  You need to go tonight."

"We were protected."

"Yay you.  Go.  Now."  She pouted but nodded, so he took her back to the Magic Box.  "Willow and Tara are going on a trip before something happens to the baby."

"We did...."

Xander glared at her.  "Yay.  Go.  Tonight."

She shrank down.  "You're right, it's probably not enough."  She smiled at Tara.  "Do we have money?"

"Yes.  You can pay me back sometime," Xander said patiently.  "Shoo!"  They ran out and he sat down again.  Giles gave him a long look.  "You know very well why I had to."

"I do.  I was wondering at the forcefulness of it."

"She should have done it as soon as Tara got pregnant."

"I know.  I was wondering when they were going to go."  He shrugged.  "It's nearly summer.  It'll be fine."  He went back to his dusting.  "Are you feeling all right?  You look a bit pale."

"I'm fine.  Stomach flu," Xander told him.  "I saw the healer, that's what she said," he said when Giles opened his mouth.

"Then perhaps you should go home and play with your cat?"

"Home is boring. The cable's off.  Some idiot up the street ran into the pole."  He got up, heading home to play with the cat.  She was enjoying kneading his stomach.  He sat down, letting her do it.  "So you know too, huh?"  She meowed and cuddled into his lap to let him pet her.  She was good stress relief.  Plus she was helpful while he thought.  Kids?  Already?  He wasn't sure he could handle a normal kid.  Dean hadn't been one.  He texted him to make sure they were okay.  Well, he texted Dean to call his cat, but he'd understand.

***

Dean looked at his phone, snickering.  "Your boy just told me to call my cat."

"He's worried about us," Sam said, smiling at him.  "That's a non-mushy way of saying call him."

"We'll do it once we have this sucker back in the ground."  They went back to tracking the zombie.  Not their primary concern but they had run across it and it wasn't a happy thing.

***

Buffy paced in the lobby of the clinic a few weeks later.  "Do we know anything yet?"

"No, miss.  Please sit down?  You're scaring the other patients."

Buffy scowled at her.  "Go.  Find.  Something.  Out."  She went to do that before the slayer went through the glass and killed her for not having new news.  She looked down when one child demon tugged on her hand.  "What's up?"

"Why are you mad?  Did a demon do a bad thing?" he asked.

She smiled.  "No.  You've seen Xander, right?  The dark haired one who's married to Sam?"  He giggled but nodded.  They all liked to watch Sam.  "Well, Xander passed out at work today.  We don't know why."

"Oooh.  So you're worried?"

"I'm very worried.  See," she said, squatting down to get on his height.  "Sam is somewhere in Iowa, heading for South Dakota today.  He won't be back for three weeks.  So we have to worry about Xander while he's gone.  Not that I'm not worried anyway because if the big dummy is hiding serious stuff from me I'm going to beat him a little bit once he's better."  The child laughed and she straightened out his shirt.  "There you go.  You don't have to worry about me.  Okay?"  He nodded, going back to his mother's side.  She looked over as Xander's healer came out, walking up to her.  "What happened?"

"He needs to eat more often."

"I've seen Xander doing nothing but eating."

"Yes but he's not keeping it down."

She frowned.  "He's pregnant again!"

"Hmm.  With twins.  Morning sickness struck early."

"HOW?  We were told it took magic!"

"It did.  Druscilla gave them the magic.  It broke before the wedding."

She counted back.  "That was eight weeks ago.   Oh, damn.  Sam won't be back for three weeks."  She looked at her.  "How long has the idiot known?"

"A few weeks.  Since your witches left."

"That must be why Mom's watching him."  She nodded.  "He told my mom?"  She nodded, smiling a bit.  "Okay, what do we do?  Besides make him eat and keep it down?"

"He needs to rest.  He's been worrying and not sleeping.  I'm about to call his supervisor as well."

"Oh, let me.  I want to see his face."  She handed over the excuse.  "When can I bring him home?"

"A few days.  We'll keep him safe in our ward."  Buffy nodded, walking off.  "You can come see him tonight."

"Sure.  He'll only eat jell-o when he's in a hospital."

"I'll make note of that."  She watched her go, shaking her head.  That poor girl.  She had too much to do.

Buffy walked over to the site, waving at the foreman to come outside the fence.  He jogged over and she handed him the note.  "Again."

"Again what?"  He looked then he went pale.  "Again!"

"Remember him complaining about Dru?"  He nodded slowly.  "Well, Dru broke in and gave them christmas presents Dean's first one."

"I remember him complaining about that."

"What she gave him was a vial with the stuff to create twins and make it happen.  It wasn't labeled if I remember right.  Sam broke it a few days before the wedding by accident."  He groaned.  "So, Xander's resting."

"Hold on, twins?"

"Yup," she said dryly.

"Aw, crap," he muttered.

"I have the feeling that's what he was feeling.  She said morning sickness struck early."

"Wonderful.  How long?"  He looked at the paper.  "Will we have Sam back by then?"

"Probably but you know they're moving when Sam gets back, right?"  He smiled and nodded.  "Good.  So, he's at the demon clinic.  I've got to go get his cat to take care of her.  I've got Miss Kitty too.  I'm starting to feel like the crazy cat lady that lives on sixth."  He walked off laughing.  She smiled, walking over to Xander's place.  She smiled at the pitiful meow she got in greeting.  "Come on, you can come play with Miss Kitty while Xander's in the hospital."  She picked her and her food up.  She had a litter box so she could pick up more litter on the way home.  The cat jumped down once she was outside, using a bush.  "I'll clean it later, Bastest."  She picked her back up and put her into her purse, letting her peek her head out if she wanted to on the way home.  "Mom?"  She came out of the kitchen.  "Twins?"

"He finally told you guys?"

"No, he collapsed at work because morning sickness is keeping him from eating."  She let the cat out, watching her scamper off.  "I'll get more litter on my way back from cleaning her litter box at home."  She grabbed dinner then went to do that, smiling at the phone that wouldn't quit ringing as she walked up the stairs.  She grabbed it.  "It's me."  She smiled.  "Well, no, he feels like crap so I'm familiar sitting for you guys too.  Yeah, she's with Mom.  He's at the demon clinic.  Passed out at work.  Well, it was about ninety today," she admitted.  She grinned. "I'm sure he's going to be fine, Dean.  Nope, he's not allowed his cellphone. I will.  I'm going to see him tonight while I'm on patrol.  It'll be fine, I'm sure it will be.  When are you guys coming back?  Two weeks, really?"  She grimaced.  "No sooner?  Well, I am feeling a bit like the crazy cat lady that he had to help hunt cats down for.  He sent Tara out of town for the baby's health too.  No, he should be fine but I'm not sure I can handle kitty sitting both cats, ya know?"  She smiled.  "Thanks, Dean.  Love you boys too.  Yup, call me when you get into town and I'll let you know which couch he's on.  Laters.  Cleaning the litterbox."  He laughed and hung up.  She went to do that with a sigh.  She was not going to tell her step-son that he was about to become an uncle, twice.  It wasn't her news to tell.

Too bad she forgot to tell the demons at the clinic not to gossip.

***

Sam stretched as he went to answer the door, taking the note from the motel keeper.  "Thanks."  She nodded and left.  He looked at it, kicking Dean's bed.  "Hey."

"Better be good," Dean mumbled.  "Was having one of those good dreams."

"Someone wants to meet us at the bar at ten tonight."

Dean looked at him.  "Why?  New job?  We're on our way home.  That way you can get laid and actually *sleep* again."

"Doesn't say."  He handed it over on his way to take a shower.

Dean looked at it then grumbled, heading to start his day too.  Because flushing the toilet while Sam was in the shower to watch him shriek never got old.

***

Dean sat down at the bar, taking his beer from the waitress.  "Hey, someone told us to meet him here?"

"He's running a bit late, Mr. Winchester.  No brother?"

"Sam's emailing someone from the car.  Why?"

"Well, it's about his spouse from what I heard."  Dean stiffened.  She beamed.  "It's all over the demon networks.  Congratulations!"  She pinched his cheek and walked off.

Dean walked outside, pulling Sam inside with him, getting a few laughs.  He put him in front of the waitress. "Tell him please?  Xander hasn't shared yet."

She used her tentacle to pat him on the cheek.  "I heard through the grapevine that you're expecting again.  Congratulations."

"I am?"

"Uh-huh.  I heard that your mate fell down at work so they brought him back to his OB.  The slayer was pacing and really worried but a little kid got her to talk."  She pointed.  "There's the guy who wanted to see you two."  She skipped off.

Dean grabbed that demon and brought him over to the table, letting Sam have the beer.  "Does this have to do with his kid?"

"The twins?  No!"  He smiled.  "No, we heard that there's some Watchers looking for you boys in the next county.  They were going to hit the motel today.  This got you boys out of the way because you know how *they* are."

"Yeah," Sam said, taking the beer to drink.  "Twins?"

"He hasn't told you?"

"No.  Then again we heard last night he was in the demon clinic for a while."

"He's apparently on some bed rest.  Passed out at work."

"Buffy told us that part," Dean admitted.  "She never said he was pregnant again."

"Uh-huh.  He apparently found out the same day he sent the witches off for the health of their baby.  I heard a rumor about Druscilla's present being responsible."  Sam let out a small, hysterical sounding chuckle.  "Wasn't planned huh?"

"No, it wasn't.  Soon but not right now.  Thanks for the info on the Watchers.  Any idea how many?"

"Four.  Extraction team."

"They're going to need more than that to get us," Dean promised, earning a smile.  "Thanks."  He put down money for the beer and they left.  Dean headed for the car.  Sam walked around the side of the building to throw a fit.  "He was probably waiting until we got home to tell us," Dean called after him.  Sam came back looking calmer.  "Want me to get you some beer on the way home?"

"No, I think I should abstain for a bit," he admitted quietly.

"Why?" Dean asked.

"Dean, the vial of stuff Dru gave us broke when I accidentally knocked it down.  Xander was behind me."  Dean went pale.  "Do we know of any of those sort of demons?"

"We can be home in four days.  Can you wait?"

"I can wait," he decided.  "Bobby?"

"We'll call."  He called him. "It's us.  Xander's pregnant."  Bobby choked.  "That present that we complained about?  It did it.  Collapsed at work.  Dad's there?  He need us?"  He grinned at Sam.  "Heading back home, yeah.  Immediately since he collapsed at work.  Twins from what we heard from the demon here that warned us there were Watchers coming for us.  Sure, see you guys soon.  Come see the new house."  He hung up and got in to drive, Sam following along like he was in deep thought and on automatic.  Which he probably was.  "Want me to ask?"

"No, I can wait the four days."  Dean nodded, backing out of the parking lot, watching the cars as he pulled out.  He saw one coming and it was intensely suspicious.  He drove off a ways, watching it.  Then he dialed the number on the bar's sign.  "It's Winchester.  Watchers are there."  He hung up, watching as the bar emptied and the Watchers were overrun before they could even get out of the van.  Everything in there fled.  Down to the waitress.  He drove them on.  "Okay, I'm not letting you drive, dude."

"Probably a good idea."

"You were all prepared to have me."

"That was three years ago, Dean.  Different circumstance."

"Well, hey, if Mom's pregnant, I get siblings," he said happily.  Sam punched him on the arm.  Dean laughed.  "Need to workout more, Sammy."  He sped up once he hit the main road, heading back toward home.

***

Sam walked into the clinic three nights later.  Dean had hit the interstate for a bit, making it go a lot faster.  He smiled at the receptionist.  "Is my mate here?"  She nodded slowly.  "Can I talk to the doctor first?"

"She's in with him."  She led him back there, letting him into the ward Xander was on.

Sam walked over slowly, watching his mate give him worried looks.  He leaned down to get into his face.  "You couldn't call?"

"You were going to be home soon."

"Uh-huh.  You still should've called."

"It would've taken your mind off the hunt?" he said, looking hesitant.

Sam kissed him.  "You can be scared.  I am."  He looked at the doctor.  "Can you please check me too?  Just in case?"  She nodded, running a hand over his abdomen.  She nodded.  "I am?"

"One single one."

Sam went weak-kneed and Xander pulled him onto the bed.  "Can we resurrect Dru and kill her again?"  He snuggled in, stroking over Xander's stomach.  "At least this time I don't have to search for you."

"No, you don't.  His are human too, right?"  She nodded.  "Does he have the fishy egg pouch thingy?"  She nodded again, leaving them alone.  "I'm sorry she sucked you guys into her thing against me."

"Shut up, Xander."  He kissed him.  "We'll have triplets.  Even if mine is two days younger than yours."  Xander looked hurt.  "Remember, you couldn't that night.  The night before the wedding we couldn't be with each other so I took that towel I had you scent for me and had some fun with it."  Xander blushed.  "Basically.  So I'm guessing that's how it happened?"  He found the doctor with another patient.  "It's his, right?"  She nodded.  "See?"  He kissed him again, getting a small moan.  "Why are you in here?"

"Sick."

"Hmm.  Morning sickness?"

"That, heat sickness.  Buffy's been too busy to watch over me and she won't let me go home alone."

"Hmm.  Well, we're back now.  She still have Bastest?"  Xander nodded.  "That's fine then."  He looked over as the doctor came back.  "Can we take him tonight or tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow morning."  He nodded, giving Xander a kiss then getting off the bed.  "Thank you.  We don't allow conjugal visits in the hospital, boys.  You eat something too."

"Yes, ma'am."  He smiled at Xander.  "We'll come get you in the morning.  Dean's been babbling for three days."  He winked then left, heading back to the new place.  He walked in, slammed the door, then started to kick it.

"So I take it you're knocked up too?" Dean asked cheerfully from the couch.

"Yup.  Just one though.  He is having twins.  They're each other's.  Ooh, and get this, I now have a fishy egg pouch thingy thanks to that stupid ass potion."

"Fishy egg pouch thingy?  So you're making your own eggs?"  Sam nodded, resting his head against the door.  "Well, it's a good thing you're the girl of the two of us."  Sam turned and threw something at him.  "Hey!  That's his thing, not yours."

"I learned new tricks," he said.  "God, we're going to have three of them!"  He covered his face.  "We're going to go insane."

"Thankfully I'll be living above the garage and Dad lives up the road," Dean reminded him dryly.  "Plus we've got everything here paid ahead for over a year."  Sam gave him a look.  "We do.  You saved a hell of a lot living with Xander.  Even with all the time you had to take off with me.  That's not counting where you and Willow looted."  He patted him on the back.  "How's his savings doing?"

"Probably healthy, even if he did give some to Tara.  We still have to warn Giles about the Watchers."

"I'll do that.   You ...go nest or whatever."

"We can get him tomorrow.  Anything left at the old place?"

"Laundry."

"I'll do it while you tell Giles."  Dean nodded, driving him over to do that.  He could take Xander's car.   He could even use the time to clean the house so it was spotless.  Plus spackle the holes where they had nails.

Dean walked into the Magic Box, waving a hand.  "We're back."  Giles and Joyce smiled.  "Sam's pregnant too."  Giles spluttered.  "Ah, you didn't know.  Xander's carrying twins."

"Should he leave like the other pregnant women?" Giles asked.

"We'll ask tomorrow when we go to spring him.  Any other happy news?" he asked Joyce.

"She's not.  The pill pack worked."

"Good.  Dad's at Bobby's.  We're at the new place after Sammy does laundry.   Sam's having a mental fit about triplets.  Giles, your former bosses are looking for us."

"They tried here already and I told them to blow themselves up.  Then I relented and calmly told them you were heading to join up with your father.  After a suitable warning of course."

Dean smirked.  "That's so mean.  So anyway, can I get the cats?"

"Please do.  Buffy's been cranky with the kitty fur issue."  Dean nodded, walking her out to the car to take her home and grab both the cats.  She helped Dean move them to the new place, smiling at what they had done to it already.  "I like this."

"Mostly all we did was move in," Dean told her.  "The poltergeist had nice tastes."  He let the cats down, getting stereo 'what the hell' looks.  "This is the new home.  Miss Kitty, you're staying until your mommy comes home."  They unloaded the litter boxes and food, putting them where they'd be good for the cats.  Then they sat down to wait on Sam.  "He's still on automatic."

"It didn't become real to Xander last time until you kicked him the first time.  His boss said he dropped the power saw nearly on his foot when you did."  Dean shook his head slowly.  "So it'll become real to them eventually."  Dean's cellphone rang.  "Your father or Sam?"

"Dad."  He answered it. "You're in the presence of greatness.  Yes, that is how you taught me to answer the phone.  You said to identify myself."  She giggled.  "No, I haven't already brought home some woman, Dad.  That's your mother-in-law.  We got the cats, Sammy's doing laundry.  Probably cleaning some.  Why do pregnant people like to clean?" he asked.  His father dropped the phone into something that sounded like running water.  "I'm going to laugh if he dropped that in the toilet."  He hung up and waited.  It'd take a while for his father to clean the phone off and dry it.  "So."

"So," she agreed.  "Nursery?"  He led her upstairs to show her the room Sam wanted.  She sighed in pleasure.  "This is perfect."

"Thank God we went with the house with six bedrooms."  She swatted him, walking off shaking her head.  "Want a ride?"

"Buffy's coming up the street, I saw her skirt.  John needs to spank her for wearing that one."

Dean followed her down, taking a picture of her to send to John.  "Dad said hi.  He dropped the phone in the toilet when I told him Sam's pregnant too."

She gaped then burst out laughing.  "Oh, my God.  Triplets!"

"In two parents' bodies," he agreed happily.  She cackled at that.  "Plus Tara's."

"We're going to be overrun with babies," she said happily.

"And Watchers.  They're looking for us."

She snorted, waving a hand.  "Screw them.  They're idiots.  I'll handle them if I have to, even in a Xander approved manner."  She walked her mom off.  "Did we drop off the kitties so I don't have to lint roll?"

"Yes, we did," she said patiently.  "I'm going to paddle you for wearing that on patrol, Buffy."

"It's cute!"

"You're married now," Joyce said in the same tone of voice.

Buffy pouted. "He wouldn't mind."  Her phone rang and she smiled.  "See, he got the picture."  She answered it.  "Hi, John."  She pouted.  "But I look adorable."  He said something else, making her blush.  "Is that why you dropped the phone in the toilet?  So you could make a dirty phone call?"  Joyce shook her head, walking off again.  "Hold on, walking Mom home.  Sure, I'll change.  They're all moved in I guess.  Well, Xander's car is at the laundromat so Sam's probably doing laundry.  Unless the car is sentient but that hasn't happened yet so I'm doubting it's going to."  She laughed at his assertion of 'it could...there'.  "I know.  So anyway, Xander gets to come home tomorrow.  Dean warned me that the Watchers are out looking for Winchesters, and I'm still adorable because no one's here to appreciate me."  She laughed and hung up on his growl.  "Teach my man to be out of town for six weeks without even kissing me goodbye."  Her mother laughed at that.  "It will."  She let her into the house.  "Here you go."  She walked off, heading for the Magic Box.  "Where are the idiots in the black van?"

"They'll probably be here tonight."  He looked at her. "Isn't that one a bit short?  You usually complain that you have to keep pushing it down while you run."

"Well, yeah, but I'm missing my man and he's still *there*."  She beamed.  "Gonna finish patrol.  Laters."  She strolled off, finding the black van they were worried about at the clinic.  "Oh, this isn't going to be pretty."  She headed that way but about a block away the van blew up and men came running, holding their backsides.  "Hey!" she shouted.  They stared then one came at her.  She thumped him and got him down, then the others.  Xander came out of the clinic.  "Go back to bed!"

"They tried to cap my OB!  Fat chance."  He looked at the burning pile of van.  "Huh, it worked."  He smirked at her.  "Sam made me learn how to blow things up magically."

"Why are you using magic?"

"Dean made it start."

"Oh, charming.  It can't be good for them."

He shrugged.  "I'll let the OB tell me that."  He calmly reloaded the gun in his hand, then pointed it at the first one who moved. "And you wanted what?" he demanded.

"How you did it," he moaned.

"How I did what?"

"Gave birth."

"There was a really hard rebirth spell and the demon over it decided Xander should carry Dean instead of Sam," Buffy said cheerfully.  She saw Faith and waved.  "They wanted to know about bellybutton babies."

"Are they considered human?" she asked.

"Yeah, unfortunately," Buffy sighed.  "Pity."

"Very," Faith agreed.

Xander shot at one who moved.  "I'd stop.  Hormones are *fun*," he growled.

"Xander!" Sam shouted.  He jogged over, taking the gun from him.  "Hi, how are you?" he said with a grin.  "What are you doing out of bed?"

"They came in to try to kidnap me!  I wanted to hurt them.  A lot!  You mind?"

"Not really," Sam admitted, grinning.  "But if the OB keeps you I can't show you our surprise in the morning."

Xander pouted.  "Surprise?"  Dean came driving up and stopped, getting out.  "Hi.  Morning."

"Not quite.  Few more hours," he said dryly, looking at the guys on the ground.  "What are we doing with them?"

"If Willow was still here we could turn them into animals and send them home again," Buffy offered happily.  "Like the last time they tried stuff," she said at Faith's odd look in her direction.

"Yeah," Faith said.  She looked around, spotting a demon.  "They harmful?"  Everyone looked then shook their heads.  "Good."  She waved it over.  "Now!" she snapped when it didn't come.  It jogged over.  "See these people?"  It nodded, looking scared.  "They're Watchers here to hurt Xander and his babies."  The demon babbled at Xander, smiling and patting his stomach.

"That was a congratulations, your eggs should bring you as much joy and insanity as mine do to me," Sam told him.  "I'm carrying one and he's got two," he said in the demon's language.  It gave him an awed look and nodded, pointing at them.  Sam explained and it nodded.  "Angel for gift giving or someone else?"

"Angel can send them back," Buffy said.  "Wes would like to sneer too probably."  The demon nodded and whistled, bringing others to help him pick them up and take them off to LA.  She smiled at Sam.  "I'm so happy!  I'll be an auntie a lot!"  She gave him a hug.  "Now, get Xander back to bed!"

"I can go home," he whined.  "Doc?"

"Go, rest and do not work for the rest of this week," she said from the doorway.  "Thank you, ladies.  Much blessings on your health and your wombs as well."

Buffy shook her head.  "John said no more kids."

"Shoot," Xander said, pouting at Sam.  "That way Dean could have real siblings to annoy.  Since he said these are going to be nieces or nephews."

Dean gave him a look.  "No mush!"

Xander pouted.  "What surprise?"

"Let's get you home.  I've got to change the laundry around," Sam said.  They paused to do that then went home.  Xander pointed when they didn't turn at the right spot.  Sam smiled.  Then he pointed at the house Xander liked. "That one?"

Xander lunged over the seat to kiss and hug his boy.  "I love you!  You're great!"

"Not in my car!" Dean shouted, stopping so they could go inside.  He pulled around the driveway, parking in his garage, heading up to his apartment.  With both of them pregnant they were probably crying on each other or something.  He heard a yelp and grinned. "Or not," he muttered.  He called his Dad back. "You know, it'd be neat if we all had kids the same year.  Can't you imagine that kindergarten class?  Three Winchesters, a baby Tara/Willow, and yours with the stepmom?"  He laughed and hung up on the swearing.  It'd get the idea started.  If Buffy didn't like it...that's why there was birth control.  Because he wanted to be a bigger brother instead of simply a big brother.  He heard another yelp and shook his head.  "They need to practice more.  It's not supposed to make you yelp, it's supposed to make you moan or scream."  He laid down with his present issue of his favorite hentai magazine.  It was still better than Hustler.  The women looked less diseased.  Plus no articles to have to page over.

The End.

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