Willow Rosenburg, aged thirteen, looked at her best friend and mentally sighed.  Her parents were home so Xander had to stay home tonight but he wasn't looking happy with that.  "I wish Xander had someone who would be there for him, protect him, and comfort him," she said quietly.  Her mother looked over from the stove.  "Hoping Xander's not going to have another fight with his father."

"If he was doing better in school..." her mother started.

Willow snorted.  "Mother, there has never been a fight about his grades.  His parents wouldn't care if he dropped out," she said.

"Nonsense, they're perfectly nice," she corrected.

Willow opened the door.  "Xander, come here for a minute?"  He came jogging back with a grin.  "Do me a favor?  Mom wanted to see how good my bandaging skills are."  Xander gave her a heated look.  She gave him the puppy eyes so he sighed and took off his backpack and dirty overshirt, then pulled off his t-shirt and turned around.

"What did that come from?" her mother demanded, pointing the spoon she was using to stir hamburger around.  "And how did you know to do that, young lady?"

"Your books," she snorted.  "And he dropped the beer bottle."  She checked.  "It could use some new goopy stuff, Xander.  Let's do that."  He shrugged, letting her get it.  Her mother dropped the spoon and came over to check under the overly taped bandage, grimacing at it.  "I did a pretty good job, huh, Mother?" she asked with a smile.  "The stitches are a lot more even this time.  Nicely tight but not too tight.  And he's not getting an infection this time either."

Her mother stared at the young boy.  She took the 'goop' to put over the stitches and the new bandage.  "Xander, go clean up for dinner.  We'll talk to you parents later."

"They're probably going to be ...asleep by then," he said quietly.

"Not when I get done with them," she said.  She pointed toward the bathroom.  "Both of you wash your hands.  And Xander, dear, borrow a shirt from Willow.  That's filthy."

"I haven't done the wash this week," he said quietly, looking down.

She stared at him.  Then she gave him a hug and a smile.  "Go borrow one from Willow, Xander."  He nodded, grinning as he went to do that.  She got back to dinner, mentally swearing and wishing that the boy had a better guardian.  Clearly she needed to have a talk with his parents.  Her husband came in happy and smiling.  "Xander's staying over, dear."  She took a kiss to her cheek.

"Why?"

"Because our daughter did a delightful line of stitches down his back.  Apparently not the first ones she's done from my books."  He gave her an odd look then went to check on the giggling kids.  He pulled Xander into their bedroom to look at the bruise he could see on his hip, from 'gym class' according to the boy.  Which he wasn't believing with as many scars as he had.  On the way out he gave his daughter a hug for being such a good friend.  Clearly she took after her mother.

***

Lex woke up and looked around the yard he was in.  "This is not home," he said dryly.  He got up slowly and stared around.  He remembered a flash of light.  He remembered a bit of pain but he was almost used to that anymore.  He checked himself.  His hands got the first stare.  They were smaller.  "Bloody hell," he muttered, patting himself down.  No guns, no wand, no wallet.  "Fucking hell!" he complained.  He chanted something quietly, bringing the demon that had moved him.  "I want a goddamn explanation," he growled.

"Coming from a thirteen-year-old mouth," she sneered.

"Excuse me?  I'm not thirteen!"

"You are now."  She let him see the wishes and smirked.  "You owe the universe."

He stared at her.  "Sure, let me restart my plans here," he sneered.  She flinched.  "Go."  She fled.  He sighed, looking around.  "All right, apparently I need to deal with some things."  He considered it, creating a priority list.  He went to Willow's house.  That's where he was when he was this age originally almost every night.  He found them having dinner and his younger self looking upset at something but eating.  And wearing a girl shirt.  So someone had found out about the little medical witch-to-be's things.

He went to browse the local houses, seeing what was empty.  He found a few that had been attacked by vampires but nothing too unusual for Sunnydale.  On the way he considered how to deal with this.  He was *thirteen*!  He hated this age.  He had three years to decide if he was going to let his younger self go down his path and learn to hunt.  Then again, if he didn't teach him self-defense there were going to be bad things showing up anyway in a few years.  So self-defense yes, saving Jesse if possible.  Hunting....  He paused inside the empty house.

Maybe.

It was what had broken him after all.

Though it had been pretty when he had finished sinking the town during graduation.

He found the dead people's wallets and scavenged beautifully.  And their refrigerator too.  Then he went to get something he needed, a weapon.  There were four pawn shops in Sunnydale, one up by the college that was for jewelry and immediate college kid needs.  There were two lower class ones for people like his former parents.  And then there was one for the demon community.

Any of the last three usually had weapons but only one would be closed right now.  It wasn't like it was hard to break into it.  Vampires did about every month.  The owner used to have a deal with them so he could get the insurance money to offset paying out too much.  He picked the lock and walked in, going to the gun cases.  He bypassed his usual types, his hand was too small and they'd kill his wrists with the recoil.  So that left the smaller ones.

"Pretty," he murmured to one, picking it up to pet it.  "That'll work."  He got a few knives and a few other things, plus the cash from the register.  He'd get it back from the insurance.  He snuck out, going to the hardware store to get bullets.  Again, another vamp vandalized place and easy to break into.  He came out with a few boxes and a new backpack.  He'd need the tools and the new hand axe was handy too.  Now, to stop the biggest threat to his other self.  Or as he was now going to call him, the nice twin.

"Hmm, no lights at City Hall so he must be home," Lex said, strolling that way looking like a school kid coming back from a research session at the library.

***

Xander Harris woke up in a bright, smelly place, moaning and holding his head.  "Ow, damn it."

"You know, I was so busy taking out the higher threats to us that I forgot the mundane and for that I'm sorry," a familiar voice said from beside his bed.

Xander turned his head to stare at him.  "Wha?" he mumbled.  Things like a suddenly appearing extra him only happened in comic books and Xander knew he wasn't in one of those.  He didn't do anything to get his own special spandex suit and no one would read what he did all day for fun.

Lex smirked.  "Don't ask.  Long story."  He leaned on the bed rails, staring at his nicer half.  "Call me Lex.  Everyone whimpers it in fear."

"I have an evil twin?" he snorted.

"Something like that."  He stared at him.  "He'll never do it again, Xander."  Xander slumped, staring at him.  "I'm sorry I forgot to get him first."  He patted him on the hand.  "The good news is that they're going to feed you in about twenty minutes.  And the nurses are nicer this time."

"What happened?"

Lex ran his fingers over a bruise on his good twin's cheek.  "Don't ask.  If you don't remember it's kinder."  Xander swatted at the hand, scowling at him.  "Dad got really mad at Mrs. Rosenburg."

"Is Willow all right?"

"She's fine.  Her mother had him arrested.  He got out on bail.  He caught you sleeping in."  Xander flinched.  "You'll be okay."  Xander stared at him.  "Hey, if someone pulled me from my own world, deaged me by almost seven years, and made me your protector, then I've got to do that, huh?"

"How?"

"Long story."  He smirked.  "Don't worry, it can't happen again."  He stared at him.  "Anyway, since you're the good twin, I'll handle keeping us safe and stuff."

"Jesse?" he asked, trying to sit up.

"I went to check on him last night.  He's fine."

"Last night?  How long have I been in here?"

"A week."  Xander gaped.  "They kept you sedated because you kept fighting with the nurses.  Gave one a really pretty fat lip."  Xander winced.  "She said it was her fault for trying to move you while you were asleep."  He patted him on the hand again.  "Anyway, things will be fine.  Want the tv on?"  Xander nodded so he turned it on.  "Cool, cartoons.  I haven't seen cartoons in a while."

"Why send you?"

Lex smirked.  "Because they wanted someone who could protect you, Xander.  I'm not the nice twin by any means."  He shifted in his chair.  "As a matter of fact, I haven't been considered *nice* since I was seventeen."  Xander blinked a few times.  He stared at him.  "Really."  He grinned.  "Now watch the cartoons and we can talk when we're somewhere more private and secure."

Xander nodded, relaxing and letting it go for now.  "Who brought you?"

"It was a Rosenburgian wish."

"Ooh, Willow?  Does she know?  Because she's going to freak out at the strange stuff," Xander babbled.

"No, not yet.  We'll tell her soon."  He smirked.  "Then we'll wait while she babbles, passes out, wakes up, and babbles some more."  Xander nodded he was right, she probably would.  "Watch the cartoons."

"Sure."  He thought while he watched.  "When did I get new clothes?" he asked.

"I got 'em."

"Oh.  Are we like..."  He glanced out in the hall then at him.  "Are we shoplifting?" he asked quietly.

Lex laughed.  "I can but no, I lifted a dead guy's wallet."  Xander gaped.  "He didn't need it."  He shrugged. His other self scowled.  He stared back.  "It's expedient."

"What about their families?"

"They won't need it.  I found the whole family dead."  Xander slumped and nodded.  He'd read those sort of stories in the paper.  "Don't worry, nothing and no one is coming near you ever the hell again unless I want them to."  He smirked.  "Just relax, get better, and watch the cartoons."

Xander nodded, leaving it there for now.  Until he got out of the hospital.  Then they'd be having a talk.  Clearly he wasn't the same Xander he was.  Even if he looked like one.  The nurse smiled when she brought in food.  "Thank you," he said quietly.

"It's not a problem, Mr. Harris.  The local news is coming up on channel five soon."  She left.

He changed when the time went to the half-hour, staring at the top Sunnydale story.  "The Mayor is dead?" he asked, looking confused.  "Why would anyone kill him?"

"He might've been hiding a lot of secrets."  Xander stared at him.  Lex got up to close the door and came back, staring at him from his relaxed spot in his chair.  "Xander, I was twenty, almost twenty-one when I got sent here."  Xander nodded at that.  "In my past, we had to help hunt down some of the reason for the high death rate around here."

"Gangs on PCP?"

Lex snorted.  "There's no gangs on PCP, Xander.  That's the worst lie ever."  Xander gaped.  "I'll show you when you're healthy and ready.  Until then, just think horror films instead of stupid lies the mayor made to cover his friends' asses."  Xander gaped harder, starting to make squeaky noises.  "During my graduation, we had an attack," he said quietly.  "By the Mayor."  Xander slumped.  "So just...  Eat and we'll talk when you get out."

Xander stared at him.  "That wallet thing?"

"Not me."

Xander nodded, digging in.  He paused, then looked at him.  "Our house?"

"Under police tape.  Our father ran out after beating the hell out of you."

"Oh," he said quietly.  "For real?"

Lex decided to protect Xander more.  "Yeah, for real.  I spotted him, she spotted him and screamed.  I was going to deal with him but he ran."  All the way to the morgue's incinerator.  Which had been so very nice of him.  His nicer half didn't need to know that though.  He wanted him to remain more innocent this time.  Xander nodded.  "Eat.  They won't let you out if you're hungry.  We have two days anyway so it's free food."  Xander dug in, watching the news.  Lex watched too.  They had found a lot of files that pointed at the mayor being a bad guy.  It had been on the news last night.  Tonight it had news that the government people had visited city hall.  That had been a nice plan of his.  It might even clean up the town a bit.  Lex looked over, finding his nicer half staring at him.  "What?"

"Hungry?"

"No, I got something from Willow."  He grinned.  "She hasn't figured out there's two of us yet."

"That's going to be a loud squeal of complaint," Xander said.

"Yup."  He smirked.  "Finish up."  He inhaled the rest and put the tray aside, settling in to watch cartoons since Lex had changed it back.

"What're we doing in your life?  I mean for a job and stuff?"

"Well, technically I got banished from my world for taking out so many evil things.  They didn't like that.  But me and the other evil thing banishers are all together."  He grinned.  "We've got a nice little world with two continents and all that."

"They huh?" he asked.

Lex smirked.  "Again, long story.  We'll talk when we're more secure.  There's some people I want to introduce you to some day soon."

"Okay.  I guess."  Lex smirked.  "Are they nice?"

"When they want to be."

"That's cool then."  He shifted.  "I need to go to the potty.  Be right back."  He got out of bed and trudged that way.

The nurse opened the door and peeked in.  Lex pointed at the bathroom door.  "That's fine, dear."  She took the empty tray.  "Did you need one?  I know you can't go home and cook."

"I asked a friend's mom for dinner," he said with a smirk.  She smiled back and went back to her desk to make that note.

Xander came out, staring at him.  "Is Mom around?"

"With Uncle Rory.  Having a breakdown probably because she realized we're twins.  She thinks the liquor finally got to her brain."

"Maybe it did," he admitted.  "And mine."  He climbed back into bed, letting his evil twin fuss over him.  "Thanks, Lex."

"Welcome."  He grinned.  "It's all good. We'll handle it and all that, Xander."  Xander nodded and they settled in to watch tv.  Xander drifted off after taking his evening meds and Lex stayed up to guard him.  There were plenty of evil things in this hospital and now that he had some sharp and pointy friends he could handle that.  He loved his sharp and pointy friends.  Though he did miss his army of Ders that had been his last birthday present from one of his cohorts.

***

Xander got picked up from the hospital by his best friend Jesse's mother.  "Hi," he said, grinning at her.  Lex had disappeared last night so he was alone today.  He slid into her car.  "Thank you."

"It's not like your mother can drive, Xander."  She drove them off.  "How are you feeling?"

"Good.  I have some pills of invincibility but otherwise I'm okay."  She smirked at him.  "Where is she?  Am I going home?"

"The house is still locked up until tomorrow.  So's she.  She's in psych back at the hospital."

"Huh," Xander said then nodded.  "Okay I guess.  Are they making her quit drinking?"

"Probably not.  She swore up and down that you're twins."

Xander snorted.  "I don't think anyone's drunk enough to forget they had twins instead of a single son."

"True."  She grinned.  "I'm making your favorite."  He bounced and beamed at her.  "Jesse's already got his sleeping bag set up for tonight and all that too."  She reached over to ruffle his hair once they were in her driveway.  "You can go back to school next week."

"Awww, but I guess it has to happen," he said dryly.  They got out and headed into the kitchen.  "Hi, Jesse."  He hugged him.

"Xander!"  He cuddled back.  "I got all your homework from Willow, who's done most of it for you."  He beamed.

His mother snorted.  "That's about what she's good for," she agreed.  "She's a scary know-it-all," she said when the boys stared at her.

"So are doctors," Xander offered.

"True, with the way she's inhaled her mother's textbooks maybe she'll be a real doctor, unlike her parents.  What happened anyway?" she asked Xander.

"Apparently Mrs. Rosenburg said something mean about me and Willow made me come back to show her latest stitching attempt," he said dryly.  "So she screamed at my parents."

"Oh, dear," she sighed.  "Yes, Sheila is a bit...reactive.  Why did you have stitches this time, Xander?"

"I got in the way of someone digging out a plastic cork with a knife while drunk because I was making a sandwich.  Of course, the thing was twist-to-open...."  She sighed and nodded once.  "Not too bad and she did a really nice job.  Straight, didn't pull or sag.  I'm guessing the nurses pulled them when it was time."

"Probably."  She patted the boys on the head.  "Go arrange stuff for your sleepover while I try not to yell at Willow's mother.  I wondered why she was ranting that your father had run like a gutless coward."

"Apparently he was on bail that morning after she got him arrested for it," Xander said dryly.

She winced.  "That makes even more sense.  All right, go do boy things."  They ran off.  She smiled and got to work on dinner.  She loved her son and her son's best friend.  If she could afford to she'd take in Xander, but there was no way right now.  However, that twin thing....  She went to talk to the boy she saw lurking.  "Don't you dare."  Lex froze, knowing that tone of voice apparently.  She stared at him.  "I know he hasn't been twins."

"No, someone wished him to have someone protective to watch over him."  He smirked meanly.  "I came from home to do it."

"You're alien?"

"Not really.  Just an alternate him.  Someone who's a bit more knowledgeable about how to kick ass and all that."

She nodded once.  "I see.  So you're not going to hurt Jesse?"

"I missed him when he died," he said bluntly.  She shuddered.  "I'd do anything to protect Xander and Jesse while making sure that they never turn into me."  She nodded and went back inside.  That did ease things a bit.

She came to the door.  "You still have to go to school."  She shut the door again and went back to cooking.

Lex snorted, shaking his head.  "Not at Hellmouth High I'm not."  He faded back into the shadows.  He really was out of practice for stalking.  He had to work on that a lot before he went to check on this world's version of his cohorts.  He missed his asshole friends a lot.  And his Army of Der.

***

Xander looked around the house once the officers had taken the tape off.  He looked at the one staring at him.  "Not like I'm not usually home alone."

He snorted.  "We know, kid.  Your mom's due out next week."

Xander nodded.  "That's fine. Maybe she'll go live with Uncle Rory?"

"Doubt it," he said with a smirk.  "Speaking of, he's babysitting you before CPS shows up."  He walked off happier.

"Bet me," Lex said as he stepped out of the house.  "He's in Mexico."  He smirked, letting his twin in.  "I bought groceries and I bribed someone into cleaning the house."  Xander beamed at him for it.  "Including your room."  Xander went up to check it over.

"Why do I have new clothes?" he called.  He came back down the stairs to stare at him.  "Did you get them the same way?"

"Yup.  We're sharing," he said with a smirk.  Xander stared at him, arms crossed over his chest.  "Don't give me that look.  I know you're ticklish."

Xander snorted.  "It's still wrong."

Lex stared at him.  "Get dressed."  Xander huffed but went to do that since he needed to shower anyway.  Lex made them a sandwich, giving Xander his when he came back down the stairs.  He led him out to the demon bar, settling them across the street in an empty building that used to house a fashion boutique sort of store.  "Tell me when you find something you recognize."  He finished his sandwich.

Xander stared, looking confused.  "Why is that thing purple?"

Lex looked then at him.  "Because it's a demon, though that's a harmless one."  Xander gaped, making squeaky noises at him.  Lex stared back.  "There's some not very nice ones.  Including vampires.  Which is why this burg of hell has such a very high death rate."  Xander made a higher pitched squeaky noise.  "In my world, I became a Van Hellsing sort and helped a hunter.  You won't be."  Xander swallowed and stared at him.  Lex stared back.  He pointed.  "There's another dangerous one."  He told him about them, what he knew for certain and what was rumored but he made sure he knew that.  It was a good, long talk about the bad side of town that Xander hadn't seen yet.

Around dark they heard a sigh from someone and looked behind them.  Lex pulled his crossbow and shot him, making him go to dust.  "Vampire."

Xander swallowed hard.  "Why are they here?"

Lex got up and took him out, going back toward the house.  "See, underneath the high school library is a...  well, it's a gateway sort of thing.  Or really a time/space rip in some ways."

"A weak spot," Xander said.  Lex nodded, smiling at him.  "Okay.  And that's bad?"

"It doesn't go to nice places.  Most of them would be called hell dimensions but that's in the eye of the beholder.  Dean hated the one that had no music.  Sam hated the one that made humans slaves."  Xander nodded he got that concept.  "Unfortunately that rip leaks, a lot.  That energy is what blinds everyone to them being funny looking.  And the death rate."

"So....." Xander said, considering it.  "How do we guard against things like that?"

"Well, first of all, we're going to do some simple rune wards on the house.  That way they can't get in there."  Xander beamed at him.  "Then you're going to self defense class while I brush up on technique."  He grinned.  "Because this being seven years younger sucks ass."

"I guess it would for you."  He stopped him, staring at him.  "Do Jesse and Willow help you?"

Lex stared at him.  "Willow does."

"Why doesn't Jesse?  He'd normally jump into something like that."

"Because one of them got him, Xander.  Which is why I hunt."

Xander slumped but nodded, looking at his feet.  "Okay.  How do I stop that?"

"We're working on it now."  Xander looked up at him.  "I missed him like hell, other self.  I really did.  I don't want you to go through what I did when he turned to dust."

Xander nodded quickly.  "Please?" he asked quietly.

"If I can.  After all, I'm here to protect you and make you happy."  He smirked.  "Let's get dinner."  They went home to make something simple because neither one could really cook.  Rory was waiting on them.  "Huh, I thought you went to Mexico after your last girlfriend."

Rory sneered, staring at him.  "I know there was only one of you before."

"Yeah but then someone wanted him to have some fun so I got brought."  He beamed.  The older man threw something on him.  Lex shrugged.  "Holy water, yay?" he asked dryly.  "I'm not a demon.  I'm him from another realm."  Rory choked.  Lex walked closer, all smooth threat and evil vibes.  "I protect my other, nicer side.  Any other questions?"

"You..." he spluttered.  Lex pulled out a knife and put it onto the counter.  Rory gaped.  "You can't."

"Bullshit.  I blew up half of Sunnydale protecting everyone."

Rory gaped, backing away from him.  "No way my nephew could do that."

"You'd be shocked since I was hunting."  He smirked.  "Now, anything else?"

Xander put a hand on his arm.  "He won't hurt us, Lex."

"Yes he will."  He smirked.  "Peoria."  Rory blanched and fled.  He put the knife back.  Lex looked at his nicer self and grinned.  "Let's keep him away from Willow, all right?"

"He's a perv?"

"Supposedly he got drunk and did it.  No clue otherwise."

"Yeah, let's not let that happen," Xander decided.  "I'd kill him if he touched Willow."  Lex smiled and shook his head.  "What's Willow like in yours?"

"Scary.  She got magic to work."  Xander gaped, making whiny noises.  Lex nodded with a smirk.  "She's really powerful and scary with it."

"Wow."  He paused.  "You blew up the town?" he demanded.

Lex nodded.  "There was a massive apocalypse battle at the high school and I spread the love around to ruin a lot of vampire sanctuary spaces."  He grinned.  "That's why some people consider me a bit scary."

"Why did you change your name?"

"When we got kicked off the realm, Draco, Harry's pet, decided that it wasn't a good enough name to fit the image everyone had given me so he switched it."  He shrugged.  "I was sulking hard but it happened."

"I guess I can understand that.  Did Willow go with you?"

"Nope.  Harry and Draco, who he took in during his war that he ended up being the *hero* and villain of.  Sam and Dean.  And me."

"Huh.  That sounds sucky, like you'd get bored."

"We have a full realm together.  Two full continents.  Harry and Draco got the smaller one and I share the bigger one with the hunters of doom."  He smirked.  "You'd like them."

"Sure, I'd like that."  He grinned.  "New friends are always good.  Will they like me?"

"The ones here aren't as...crossed over as mine are, Xander.  They're a lot like you at the moment."  They shared a look.  "My crew of assholes are all battle scarred and to the point of 'fuck it, both sides can go' about the next one that tries to draw them in."  Xander nodded he got that even if he didn't know what that felt like himself.  "So we'll see."  He grinned.  "The ones here are still at their relative ages and younger, so fewer battles."

"We say fewer instead of less?"

"Draco nags.  Harry may paddle him for it now and then but he's the poufiest nagging bitch ever."  He smirked.  "Which is apparently how Harry likes it."  He shrugged.  "He's pretty and smart but he's got a dirty mouth most of the time."  They checked the kitchen and got what they wanted for dinner, starting it cooking.  Someone knocked.  "I smell real food so I'll hide from the Rosenburgs."

Xander grinned as he bounced out to get food.  "I was just baking stuff," he said happily, taking the paper bag and hugging both Rosenburg women.  "I'm better now."

"I heard," Mrs. Rosenburg said, smiling at him.  "Who's staying with you, Xander?"

"My uncle.  He'll be back later I'm sure."  She grimaced.  "It's all right.  It's not like I'm not used to being the only one with sense in the house," he said with a trademark grin to make her worry less."

"I made you cookies," Willow blurted.

Xander beamed.  "They'll go great with the chicken!"  He hugged her again.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome."  She blushed and ducked her head but her mother patted her on the back.  "Are you really better?"

"I'm fine.  The nurses were so spoily I even got extra jell-o."  Willow smiled at him for that.  "It'll be okay."  Mrs. Rosenburg grimaced but nodded.  "Really, who knows where I'd end up if someone told them that Uncle Rory's off with his girlfriend at the moment?" he asked her quietly.

"Good point.  Some of those foster homes can be a bit rough, though I know there's good ones around.   Just not any that I've seen locally.  You'd probably have to leave town."  Her daughter gave her a pitiful look.  "Fine, I won't tell anyone."

"Jesse's mom is probably checking on him too," Willow said.

Xander nodded.  "Mrs. McNally is so checking on me.  She made me my favorite stuff last night."  He beamed.  "Jesse even took the sleeping bag."  Willow grinned.  "Thanks for the homework too."

"You're welcome," she chirped with a grin.  "I made extra notes in case you're lost."  She handed them over.  "That way you don't get behind."  She beamed and her mother patted her again.  "We're on our way to Temple services.  Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"No one's here to hurt me, Willow.  What trouble can I get into?  The cable's off again so no tv I shouldn't watch or anything like that."  She grinned and left with her mother.  He closed the door and took the bag into the kitchen.

Lex looked up from stirring some pasta in a pot.  "I'd never stab you unless you asked me to."

Xander swatted him on the arm.  "I'm not like that."  He considered it.  "Am I?"  Lex shook his head with a smirk.  "Good!"  He beamed.  "So, dinner?"

"Much dinner.  What did she bring?  Beyond Willow cookies."  He looked in the bag and they pulled out the various containers of casseroles and vegetables.  And the cookies of course.  "Huh.  Regular chocolate chunk.  If she turns you into a dog, you get butterscotch," he said dryly, putting them into the fridge.  The fridge was generally a safe, bug free place in the house.  The cabinets he wouldn't trust for a while.

Xander looked at him.  "She turned you into a dog?"

"Buffy, not me."  Xander looked confused.  "That hunter I worked with?"  Xander nodded.  "Nicer and less brainy version of Cordy.  Without the snark."

"Ooooh.  Cheerleader?"  Lex nodded.  "Huh."  He got to work checking on the chicken and making sure they had clean plates, forks, and glasses.  "No milk," he complained, searching the cabinets for the powdered milk box.

Lex opened the fridge and pointed.  "No, we have real milk.  I hate powdered milk."

"So do I," Xander admitted with a goofy grin.  "But it's easy."

"That's even easier.  You go, buy some, make sure it stays cold."  He patted him on the arm.  "It's not even that expensive right now."  He checked a piece of pasta and drained it then the chicken, taking it out to rest.  He swatted Xander's hand.  "It has to rest or it'll be dry."  He grinned.  "So said Willow's later girlfriend."

"She has a girlfriend?"

"Now.  She had a boyfriend but he had to leave for a bit."  Xander pouted.  "Tara's a sweetheart and I'll always protect Tara from everyone."  He stared at him.  "Tara's a lot like what our sister would be.  For less drunk reasons."

"Oh.  Then I guess I'll like her."  They dished up dinner and sat down to eat.  Then Lex showed him how to pirate cable.  That was neat and they now got a pay channel, which was wonderful.  They could watch nudie flicks later that night and no one would know.

***

Lex faced down the next on his list of slime sucking morons and dangerous things that were best served off the hellmouth.  "Vice Principal Snyder," he sneered.

"Harris," he sneered back.  "What are you doing here?  You'll never make it to the high school."

Lex cackled.  "Really?  You think so?"  He pointed at his twin, who was being badgered by Jesse for some of his cookies.  Snyder looked then gaped in horror at him.  Lex smirked.  "Yes, I know *exactly* what you're doing here, Snyder.  I know all about the plots with Mayor Snakey-demon.  I know all about the bullying code to break some of us so we're easier sheep.  I know *everything*."  He sneered.  "And I'm so going to let others know."  Snyder walked backward shaking his head.  "Sunnydale needs to be safer now that the future wannabe snake demon is gone."  He smirked evilly.  "I should make sure of it for my nicer twin."

"You've never been twins before!" he said hotly.

"Yeah, and then Willow's mommy decided my nicer half needed a protector."  He sneered.  "Just you wait, Snyder.  I'll do *fantastic* making Sunnydale safer."  Snyder shook his head quickly, turning to run off.  Lex really wanted his wand but he did know some wandless spells.  He knocked Snyder down the stairs he was trying to run down.  He fell down and cracked his head.  Lex looked.  "The vice principal's bleeding," he called.  "Someone get one of our crummy ambulance guys!"  Then he strolled off to the bathroom to check his hair and for zits.  He hated his acne problem.

He hated being thirteen but he'd handle it well enough as long as he didn't become the zit patrol.  He came out and found a few teachers sobbing and one calling someone more official.  "Eww, is that brain matter?" he asked, pointing at the puddle of blood.  The teachers got him hurried outside and away from things.  Lex strolled over to where Willow was giving him a horrified look.  "VP Snyder just fell down the stairs.  He's got a severe head wound."  Willow shuddered.

Jesse snickered.  "Couldn't happen to a nicer guy."  They got back to work.  "Mom told me."

Lex smirked.  "That's fine.   I didn't expect I could keep it from you two anyway."  Xander shook his head.  He leaned down to kiss Willow on the temple.  "Tell your Mom thanks for calling me to protect my nicer self."  He smirked.  She let out a loud whimper, shaking her head.  He nodded.  "Yeah, wish demons, Willow."  He smirked.  "You'll find out more some year soon."  He patted her on the head.  "Xander, we're due home soon."  Xander pouted at him.  "She's out today."

"She's going to trash the house," he muttered, gathering things up.  The other two followed him home.  "You guys sure?"

"She can't be drunk yet and she's not the violent drunk," Willow told him.  "She's only been out for about an hour or so probably."  Xander nodded that was true.  They saw the ambulance go speeding past.  "Poor guy.  Why did he fall down the stairs?"

"He got stunned when I didn't back down from his biting comments and wit," Lex said dryly.  "Then again, he's one reason why there's been some dead cheerleaders."  Xander shuddered.  "Yup, exactly."  They walked in together.  Xander's mother stared, starting to whimper.  Lex grinned.  "Hi, Mom!"

"Oh, god, you're a hallucination!" she said, reaching for her bottle.  Lex got it and handed it to her after glancing at the label.  She checked, then Xander.  "You're not twins."

"Mrs. Rosenburg wanted him protected," Lex said with an evil smirk.  "So I got summoned."  His mother whimpered and nodded.  "Anyway, she brought over dinner so we're having leftovers tonight unless you want to cook?"  She slowly shook her head.  "Okay.  Jesse, Rosenburgian meatloaf?"

"Mom would get pissed since she's up," Jesse said.  He nudged Xander with a grin.  "Maybe he can ride a motorcycle?"

Lex leaned out of the kitchen.  "Not only can I drive,  I can drive heavy equipment and bigger trucks, plus a motorcycle."  He smirked and went back to warming up stuff. "Willow?  Are you staying?"

"No.  My parents are gone again."  She smirked at Jesse.  "I'm having ice cream tonight."

"I'll see if Mom can give me two dinners."  They ran out together.

Xander looked at his mother.  "Are you all right, Mom?" he asked quietly.

She swallowed her pill, nodding.  "I'll be fine, Xander."  She stared at him.  "Are you?"

"The nurses did a bang up job," he said with a grin.  "And Willow made us cookies."

"That's good," she said weakly.  "Do you know where your uncle and father are?"

"Uncle Rory's with his girlfriend in Mexico according to Lex and Dad....  No clue."

"Last anyone heard in town he ran to the police station to hide," Lex lied dryly.  "But they're not saying why."  He came out with plates then went back to get milk and brought it back.  "Here we go."

She looked at the milk then at him.  "No beer?" she asked calmly.

"You can't drink on those sort of pills, it can make you hellishly sick and send you back to the ER," he said, taking a bite.

"Oh," she said flatly.  She dug in and when they were all done Xander did dishes.  She looked confused.  "You're doing that already?"

"Yeah, that way we don't get bugs again," Xander told her.  "I hate bugs, Mom."

"I guess that's a good habit to get into," she admitted quietly.  She cleared her throat.  Lex stared at her then went back to reading.  "What are you two planning on doing?"

"Protecting him by having him take self defense classes," Lex said with a small shrug.  He went back to reading.

"We can't afford... not without his father's check."

Lex stared at her.  "Don't worry about that."  She nodded once.  "And he can draw his dependent's benefits."  She nodded faster.  "Plus he did have life insurance."

"No we didn't."

"Yes we dd," Xander said from the kitchen.  "That guy Mario that keeps coming around?  He's your insurance agent.  You signed you both up."

"Oh.  I did?"  Xander came out to find the papers, handing them over.  She stared.  "Huh."  That was a great policy amount.  She put them aside.  "Has anyone done that paperwork?"

"They'd have to prove he was dead, which can take seven years if no one finds a body," Xander reminded her.  "That's what Carolyn Springer was complaining about last month, Mom."

"I didn't remember much of what she said."  She looked at her not-son.  "Will they find one?" she hissed.

He shook his head.  "I didn't kill him.  I drove him off.  I drove him to commit suicide maybe," he said dryly but quietly.  Xander was still a bit...squeamish about things.  He didn't want to upset him.  He stared at her.  "Someone will wonder sometime."

She nodded once.  "Thank you."

He smirked.  "Anything to protect my nicer self."

"Good to know."  She got up to get some water and came back out to sit down.  "You bought real milk?"  He nodded.  "It's really expensive.  Powdered milk makes more gallons."

"Perhaps but it tastes disgusting and Xander's going to break bones in a few years if he doesn't get enough calcium.  So it's milk or cheese."

"I remember the last time he gorged on cheese," she complained, glancing into the kitchen.  Her son was blushing.  She looked at her not-son again.  "Are you human?"

He put down his book, staring at her.  "I'm just an alternate Xander from another reality, Mom.  Really."  She swallowed some water.  "Technically, someone made a wish to get him protected and they pulled me, deaged me, and then sent me here."

"Can they put you back?"

"Not at the moment.  Even so, my friends would pick on me."  He smiled.  "It'll be fine.  I'll protect you and him unless you turn into our father."

She shook her head.  "I'd never do that."  He grinned.  "Are you two...sharing a room?"

"I've been on the couch."

"That's fine.  I noticed it's clean."

"I bribed someone to come clean the house.  Including steam cleaning the couch and every other piece of furniture.  There's no more nastiness in them."

She smiled.  "Thank you."  She took her water and pills up to bed.  She had a lot to think about.  Thankfully the pills kept her calm and rational at the moment.  Because this was freaky.  Her son was now twins.  That wasn't normal.

***

Lex watched his mother go answer questions for the police.  They had found a few teeth and an old pin that could be traced back to their father's medical records.  Xander was in school.  Lex was making plans for either predictable action their mother might take.  He answered the phone.  "Harris household."  He listened.  "She's answering the police's questions about why our father was in the morgue's crematorium's oven.  There, yes.  Sure, I'll let her know when she gets back."

He hung up and made a note, putting it on the table.  Then he got back to the magic text he had lifted from a vamp's former house.  He wasn't sure if he wanted stereotypical result of her filing the insurance paperwork or not.  It'd be easier without her around panicking but....  Xander could still use some parental support if she was going to stay straightened out.  He turned the page, looking up when the door opened. "The insurance guy called."

She nodded, taking the note and the phone into the kitchen to call him back.

He listened.  She wasn't sure if she was running or not.  So he'd have to wait and see.  And plan on robbing more vamp lairs.  Right after he took out the Master.  He had to get a special pet for that.  Which would take some planning.

She came out and put the phone back then left again.

Lex waited.  He'd know soon enough.  Xander came home from school with Jesse and Willow.  Willow frowned at the book then at him.  "What?"

"That's in Latin."

"Yes, I learned to read Latin when I was sixteen."  He smirked.  "It's also a book from a secret society."  She huffed.  He put it back into the bag and settled in.  "Xander, that's ..."  He drew out the figure.  "That's construction stuff, which we're excellent at."  He grinned.

"Okay," he said, changing it that way.  "Hey, that's not that hard," he said with a happy grin.

Willow smiled.  "I'll keep that in mind for later lessons."  Jesse moaned and took the same figure to work on.  They could handle this.  Lex added in some other information, which helped them both.

***

Xander walked up to his evil twin a few days later, staring at him.  "Did you kill Mom, Lex?"

Lex smiled at him.  "No.  She got the insurance money."  Xander moaned, shaking his head.  "Maybe she went to spend time with Uncle Rory in Mexico."  He shrugged.  "It had a suicide clause that made it worth double."

"Ooh."  He sat down.  "So major money?"

Lex nodded.  "There might be some left.  I'm not sure what's going to happen there."  Xander nodded, sitting down next to him.  "I also did the paperwork for dependent benefits, filed a missing persons case about her, and Uncle Rory, and then I updated your file with DHHR so we get more foodstamps."  Xander beamed.  "And went grocery shopping."

"You mean we have new twinkies?"

"Yeah, but I ran into Willow's father so we have veggies too."

"Pity."  He got up to look in the fridge.  "Pie!" he squealed, coming out to hug his evil twin then going back to get a huge slice.  He brought one for him too and they settled in to eat pie.  Xander looked at the book.  "It's dusty and in a funny language.  Do we really like it?"

"It's on magic.  I'm still teaching myself."  He smirked.  Xander gave him a horrified look.  "We'll see if you can later on."  Xander nodded, stuffing his mouth.  Lex would blow his mind over those things once he had a replacement wand.  Xander finished his pie and went to wash the plates then get a few new comics Lex had left on his bed.  "Welcome," he called at the squeal.

"Thank you!"

Lex grinned.  Spoiling his other self was so easy sometimes.  A few sweets and a few comic books.  He was a really cheap date.  Or would be when they were older.

***

Lex opened the case and pulled out the higher weapon, looking it over.  The Master was babbling about something, them getting free probably.  Lex took aim and blew the vampire into bits and pieces.  He smiled at the vampires staring at him.  "What?  I don't think Sunnydale needs someone like him.  It might piss me off again."  He sneered.  "And no one wants to do that."  He strolled off.

"Who the hell are you!" one female vampire yelled, following him.

Lex staked her, looking down at her ashes.  "Lex."  He strolled off whistling off-key.  He threw back something he had modified and when it went off, the ceiling caved, burning them all in the sunlight.  Lex staked the few that were trying to run but it was a good job.  Now he had a few new sources of income.  Though the former Mayor's stash needed to be moved before someone got wise and raided it.  That would suck.  He needed to get his good twin some leather pants so he could draw a decent woman some day.

***

Lex finished moving things to his newly hidden area - long live magic hiding spells - and went home to find Xander pouting on the couch.  "What happened?"

"Cops showed up at school," he pouted.  He stared at his evil twin.  "Is 'going to Mexico' your code for they're dead?"

"No.  Rory went to visit his girlfriend down in Tijuana."  He flopped down.  "Why?"

"Mom died in a car accident.  Apparently she drank and took her pills."

"I warned her it wasn't a good idea.  I'm sure the pharmacy and the docs did too."

Xander nodded.  "Probably.  The cops all sneered and said that Rory had been killed by rebel forces of a drug dealer."

"Well, there's some down there," Lex admitted.  "But he wasn't in that part of Mexico.  Neither was she."  He considered it.  Xander was giving him a hopeful, pointed look.  "We can pack and hide somewhere nicer."  Xander gave him a confused look.  "I've been setting up a safe spot, Xander."

"Oh."  He considered it.  "The cop sneered I'd have to find new relatives to move here."

"Let's go check it."

Xander nodded, following him outside.  They found someone in there but Lex shot him with the crossbow.  Xander looked in the other rooms, ignoring his twin smirking at the idiot officer.  "Why here?"

Lex looked then summoned everything back, moving his twin out of the way of the floating things.  The officer... well, being on the floor meant only a few hit him.  Mostly the floating trunks.  Lex stared and summoned the rest by name and it came zipping in to pile itself in the spare room.  He looked at Xander.  "That."  Xander was gaping in awe.  "Vamps didn't need it."  He smirked then at the officer.  "Did they?"

"Some of that was the city's backup funds," he growled.

"Yeah," Lex snorted.  "Because Mayor Wilkins would've let anyone touch his illegally gotten gains?"  He smirked.  "I can easily turn it into the Feds instead.  That'll get us a great reward."  The officer started to babble and shake his head.  "Huh, I don't think he likes that."  He called the FBI number.  "Hi, I was exploring in my town and found some gold bars that're piled suspiciously in a house that's mostly underground.  No, I'm serious.  There's a cop here babbling about it."

He kicked him on the temple, knocking him out.  "That'd be great.  Thank you, ma'am."  He gave the address and hung up, looking at his twin.  "Which means we won't have to worry about cashing things out."  He smirked and went to hide what he absolutely wanted to keep.  "When did I get the higher weapons?" he asked, considering it.  He moved them out of the way.  He got caught by the agent coming in that Xander let in.  "I'm hoping behind there is money," he said with a grin.

"Sure," he said, looking in a case.  He moaned.  "That's bad.  Gold?"  Lex took him to show him the piles.  He moaned.  "Damn!"

"We don't want to be in trouble but we were looking at this as a hidey spot from the relatives of fucking idiocy," Lex said.  "One of them put my twin into the hospital."

He looked at the kid then at him.  "Why?"

"He caught him sleeping in after being arrested for trying to stab his spinal cord."

"Dirt," he muttered.  "Don't touch anything else."

"Can't I have the two things that aren't weapons?  They're clothes," he said, showing him.  "We could use some new clothes.  I kinda found these."

The agent nodded.  "Fine."  He called in someone else, and they showed up with a truck.  The gold got whisked off.  The artillery too.  The officer got taken to the ER for a statement to be taken because no one  believed that the two boys had shot him and beat him.  The agent stared at them once they were done.  "Your parents?  We should talk to them."

"One is missing, the other's possibly in the hospital," Lex sighed.  "She was put in for a sudden mental snap due to drinking and then was drinking on top of her mental pills."

"That can make you really sick," he agreed.  "All right.  I'm not going to say a word.  Do you guys have adults you can go to?"  They smiled and nodded.  "And you're moving stuff here?"  They both nodded again.  "You had better not get into any trouble or they'll put you in foster care so damn fast."  They nodded they knew that.  "Good.  Be safe, kids.  It's a harsh world but you two at least have each other."  He left, going to make his report, which did include the twins.  His boss could scowl but they all knew Sunnydale had crooked everything in their city.  CPS was just one dirty agency.  The twins were safer on their own.

Lex unhid the rest and grinned at his twin.  "There's another three repositories we can raid."

"That's stealing."

"They're dead."

"It probably belongs to the city or something."

Lex considered it.  "Maybe but they'd only fight and destroy each other over it."  He grinned.  "We can live on it for a long time and no one would ever have to know."

Xander considered it.  "We have to clean out the house.  I'll think about it.  Willow would be *really* mad at us.  So would Jesse."

"It could fund a great comic collection."

Xander wobbled but shook his head.  "They'd still be mad because it's wrong."

"It belonged to vampires, who got it from the people they ate."

"Welllllll......"  He sighed.  "I'll think about it."  Lex nodded and they went to clean out the house.  The new house had better, clean everything.  No chance of bugs showing up.  They each had their own bathroom.  The utilities were on.  They had better cable.  It was much nicer and in a better part of town.

Lex got pushed into handing the other gold holding spots to the nice agent that hadn't busted them.  Gold would draw attention anyway.  The agent nicely made sure they got any loose money there that wasn't bound from a bank as a reward.  And whatever else Lex could steal before he got there.  Afterward, Lex went to check out the sewers.  Everyone down there had heard of him and they would not be bothering him or Xander.  He'd make sure of it.  No one was touching his nicer twin without his permission.

***

Lex spotted Giles the day he moved in.  He was waiting on him since he had seen the news of the fire in LA.  He had spent the last two years teaching Xander how to be stealthy, be a bit looser of a good boy, and protecting them both.  So he followed Giles back to his place, pinning him and floating him inside once he had the door open.  "Thanks, I hate picking locks."

The man spluttered.  "Who are you, demon?" he sneered.

"I'm not a demon."  He stared at him.  "I'm also not native to this reality.  It was a wish thing to protect the me here."  He stared at him.  "Buffy's going to be fine.  A bit worried, she'll want to retire because no one wants to see her going back to the mental hole of white rooms and pills."  He stared at him.  "In my world, I met Buffy on her first day of school in Sunnydale.  I helped her, then her and Kendra when I did CPR on her and it created two, and when Kendra died I helped her and Faith."  Giles gaped in horror.

"By the way, that prophecy about her dying at the hands of the Master?  I blew his ass up two years ago."  He stared at him.  "I'll help you when you need it.  Quietly but I'll help.  I've spent the last two years making sure there were less threats coming for my nicer half," he said dryly.  "But you will not involve my twin.  You will not let him hunt.  You will not do more than teach him languages if he wants.  We do have a gift for it.  Can we make this deal?"

Rupert Giles swallowed.  "Why should I trust you?"

Lex walked over to a book and pulled it down, holding up the entry he wanted so the older man could read it.  "That's my nicer half.  That's where I started.  And during an ascension battle we ended up blowing up a school and half the town to remove a lot of vamps.  Then I went on a road trip and found my slightly as badass cohorts."  He smirked.  "And helped Harry Potter with his battles.  Then some roaming hunters with theirs."

"Oh, dear lord," Giles muttered.

"Janus, since we saw Ethan Rayne that once in my world, well three times, or some other one?" he asked, smirking a bit.

"Y..you..you saw Ethan?"

"Yeah, the funny mark you both wear, from The Dreamer, it got set free.  Then he turned us into our costumes one Halloween.  Very helpful since I went as a soldier.  It helped immensely around town, even when you guys all tried to shove me aside as being *normal*. And then there was the time with the youthening potion in the chocolate," he finished with a grin.  "It was kinda funny watching you go all Brit punk, Ripper."

"Oh.  I say...um..."  He considered it.  "Why would your twin...."

"Because I broke.  I went with expedience.  We're classic white knights.  They took a friend and even before then one tiny blonde girl shouldn't have to do it alone.  Which I agree with.  That's why the town's thirty percent safer since I got here.  Like I said, I'll gladly help, Rupert.  Not a problem.  You can teach my twin languages, research stuff, I'm learning magic because Harry and Draco spotted I had a lot.  It's keeping certain future witches from starting down a magic addiction path."

"That's fairly rare."

"No, it's not.  We have two dealers in town."

Giles slumped, considering it.  "I can help your twin with those things.  I'm assuming he's at the high school?"  Lex grinned and nodded.  "Are you?"

"Hell no.  Anytime I walk into that building, the hellmouth reaches out to cuddle me.  I'm cute and all but kraken just don't do it for me," he said dryly.

"There is?" he demanded.

"Yeah, right on top.  You'll find that out in a few years."  He smirked.  "After Faith gets here.  By the way, we should tell her and her watcher to get out of Boston before the really ancient vamp there tortures her watcher and creates a darker than normal slayer.  We had certain similar upbringings," he said dryly.

Giles nodded at that.  "I can send along that warning.  Do you remember which one?"

"Kakistos or something like that?"  He waved a hand.  "Tortured Linda in front of Faith and started on her before she escaped to come out here for help.  Where everyone expected her to be like Kendra and Caridad, when she's not.  Or Buffy."

"I'll definitely talk to Linda.  Kenda and then her?"  Lex nodded with a smirk.  "Oh, dear.  But that mean she did die."

"And I did CPR."

"Shite," Giles muttered, making notes since he found he could move his hands.  He looked at the young man.  "I'll let you help her if she wishes it."

Lex beamed.  "Thanks.  Remind her help means she has friends who can help her on those really long nights.  I'll make sure Xander and she meet.  She and Willow became best friends."

"That's fine," he decided.  "Though not the Council way."

"Our Buffy was still living at twenty-five, though she had died a second time.  Willow," he said at the opening mouth.  Giles gave him a horrified look.  He smirked and nodded.

"Yes, let's prevent that from happening.  That could...."

"Bring back the First Evil from rumors we were still getting.  It was just starting to show up when I got pulled."  He crossed his arms and let Giles go free.

"That's something I'll definitely stop," Giles decided.  He made more notes and looked at him.  "Are you sure you want your other self to meet her?"

"She was a turning point and I think he'd do it anyway with the way trouble's attracted to us.  That reminds me, I have to get us both laid before Mrs. French shows up."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Call on me."

"I shall," he said, making more notes.  This was looking truly horrifying if he didn't change some things.  That boy...  He had been damaged by the fighting.  It was clear he was about to cross over.  He did not want that 'nicer twin' to do the same.

***

Giles spotted the other one, that one clearly wasn't the one that had come talk to him.  He had his head down and was reading a comic book.  He smiled, sitting beside him at the table.

"Wrong twin," Lex said.  Giles moaned.  "Give it ten though, it's nearly lunch.  We eat out here unless it's raining."  Lex smirked at him.  "The only other ones that know are Willow and Jesse, plus Jesse's mom."  The trio came out babbling.  "I hear Willow."  He put his comic on the table and accepted his extras from Willow.  "Thanks."  He smiled.  "This is Mr. Giles, the new librarian."

"That's so cool!" Willow said with a wiggle.  She settled across from him to babble at him about books and what the library needed.

"It needs a good first aid kit," Xander said.  Lex nodded.  "The nurse got arrested?" he asked his twin.

"Wasn't me.  I think her boyfriend's mom turned her in."  He ate a bite and grinned at Willow.  "Some of those are *really* boring books and you can find them online, Willow."

"Really?  Huh.  I'll have to look at that."  She looked at Giles.  "We could use a computer class too."

"We have one," Xander reminded her.  "They hired one for next year."  He dug in, looking at Jesse.  "Maybe we'll get to take it together.  It'll be fun, we can look for smut and comics together."  Jesse grinned and nodded.  They all stared at the school when people started to scream.  "Lab mice?" Xander asked, eating a bite.

"No clue," Lex admitted.  "Didn't happen last time."  Giles moaned.  Some people ran out ranting about tentacles trying for them.  Jesse joked at one of the cheerleaders about anime girls, getting slapped.  Lex got up, looking at Giles.  "It's messing up your desk by now."

"Dirt," he muttered.  Lex showed him the back door but he stopped the children.  "No.  He's trained, you are not, nor shall you be.  Stay out here and distract people."  They pouted but he locked the door behind them.  "Yes, I believe that's a kraken," he said.

"I need the book that has the closing spell.  It's dark brown leather with silver words."  Giles knew that one and got it from the book cage with a few swords.   Lex took one and they fought it off, doing the spell together.  The tentacles had to pull back as the hellmouth slowly closed around them.  Finally it cut off the last few.  Lex panted, looking at him.  "Welcome to the hellmouth," he said dryly, handing over the sword.  "I can hear Flutey making up excuses."  Lex ran out, going to hide from his twin, who'd have questions.  And Willow, who'd have even more questions.

Giles sighed, cleaning off the swords.  The principal stomped in.  "What was that?"

Giles pointed.  "It originated from there.  I have no idea why but I'll be making sure it can't open again."

Principal Flutey stared at him.  "Thank you.  I'd appreciate that."  He smiled and shook Giles' hand.  "I know things are a bit odd around here."

"So I've been told by some of the children but I'm sure it'll even out."  The principal smiled.  "It's a good thing I used to date a girl who did those renaissance faires back at Cambridge."  The principal beamed and left him to clean it up.  Giles got the janitors to drag it to their incinerator, though he had no idea why a school needed one.  He cleaned up the puss and goo from them being chopped and it was nice.   He could handle this assignment.  Now if only his slayer would show up sooner.

***

Lex got the letter back from the mail owl, giving it a few treats before letting it hop into her cage.  He read it, grinning at Harry's response.  "Hey, Xander, want to go to Scotland?"

"We don't have what we'd need to fly.  I don't have a passport."  He looked up from his homework.  "I have an English test tomorrow."

"We can be back by then."  He grinned and grabbed some chalk, doing what he needed to do on the kitchen floor.  Then he hauled his twin in, finished the traveling circle's marks, and sent them there.  He winked, getting an awed look back.  "A real castle in Scotland that's really a magic school," Lex hissed.  He winked and snuck out to find Harry.

He knew what the password was and how to get the damn painting open even without it so it wasn't a problem.  He woke Harry by putting a hand over his mouth.  "Hi, I'm Lex, this is my nicer twin Xander."  He grinned.  He handed Harry his glasses and his wand, nodding.  Harry nodded, following them once he had a robe on.  Lex led them to a room he had helped Harry with before.  He cleaned it then looked at this version of his friend.  "Hi."

"Nice to meet you in person.  How did you get here?" he asked.

"Transport circle.  Draco found the spell last year in my time."  He grinned.

"Huh.  So I'm really harboring the blonde arse?"

"He helped you a lot," Lex admitted.  They sat down on the old couch in there, looking at him.  He explained to Harry what had happened in his realm.  How Harry had decided the war had to end after Sirius' death.  How he had used sympathetic magic, after being taunted about it by Draco, to cast a curse that would flay a piece of Voldemort's skin every single day.  And when he was skinless it'd regrow and start all over again.  How Harry had sent a letter demanding he end the prophecy himself because he wasn't going to fight a war for the people who wanted to use him.  Harry listened, nodding at some points.

"That seems awfully mean," Harry said at the end.

"Harry, do you think they don't know about the Dursleys?" Lex asked quietly.  Harry stiffened.  "Ours are both gone now.  They were drunks.  Bad drunks."  Xander nodded.  "That's how you and I bonded before.  You rescued Draco because he was in your way actually and decided that he could help.  You always treated him like a favored prisoner and never touched him or anything."  Harry grimaced.  "Yay," Lex said with a smirk.  "Just wait a year, Harry."

"Yeah, I guess."   He considered it.  "Can he do that?"

"The only thing stopping it would be in your scar," Lex said quietly.  "And Draco knows how to remove spirits from things."  Harry beamed at him.  "Yes, that means no more visions."

"That'd be nice."  He considered it.  "Why does he need saved?"

"Voldemort's going to go insane.  All the flaying and he'll find all his other little parts.  Lucius will have to help him.  The spell cycle is only thirty days."  Harry shuddered.  "Draco is his heir and he'll want him there to be killed instead of himself.  You went in to run a raid to get some prisoners Lucius had and found him as well."

"Dear me," a male voice said.

"Stupify," Lex cast, knocking him out because he didn't expect any resistance.  "Mother fucker."  He looked at Harry then grinned.  "No, I'm not the nice fairy."

"No, you're clearly not."  He looked then at him.  "That's the headmaster.  How did you do that?"

"I'm not nice, Harry.  I've never been a nice guy.  I'll never be a nice guy.  After four years of fighting and hunting demons....  No one really is."

"I get that," he agreed.  "Was I?"

"No.  You found out that they knew and encouraged some of that treatment by keeping people from helping you."  Harry glared at the headmaster.  "And how it was convenient that your best friend's mom was shouting how to get onto the train.  You started to put things together and it made you a bit paranoid and very angry."

"I can see anger," he agreed.  "And paranoid."  He sighed, looking at him.  "Sirius died?"

"This year."

Harry nodded once.  "No way in hell.  Thank you both."

Lex handed him the spells he had copied.  "What you used last time.  Draco frustrated you to no end but it was good for you to have someone to fuss over and take your mind off things by annoying you."

Harry smiled.  "It would be, yeah.  The defense teacher?"

"A Ministry plot to drive you to the same spot, Harry."  Lex smirked.  "Guns work on wizards though."  He held up his.  "I'll let you borrow."

"No thanks.   Not my style."

Lex put it back with a grin.  "It wasn't the you there's either."  He shrugged and stood up, helping Xander up.  Xander was half asleep.  "Let us get back."  He walked him to where the transport circle was waiting with two house elfs staring at it.  "You can clean it after we're gone, Dobby and Sunny."  He and his twin got in then he redid what needed it, sending them home.  "See, plenty of time for the test," he teased his twin.  Who shook his head, going to bed.  Lex cleaned up his mess and went to his own bed.  He still missed his bastard cohorts.  He almost wished for his Army of Der too.  They had been a kickass birthday present from Draco.  And soon he'd have to talk to Sam, Dean, and John.  Before that soul rending shit got started again.

***

Harry Potter looked over the spells, memorizing them.  It wasn't a bad plan but apparently he had lost his temper in Lex's timezone or whatever.  He heard a moan and looked over.  "Headmaster."  He looked at him.  "Is it true?  Did you keep people from helping me?"

"Harry, I don't know who those two were," he started, sitting up.

"Actually, one of them knew me from another reality."  The headmaster glared.  He stared back.  "We were all about twenty-one there.  Well past the end of the war."

"Harry, my boy," he started, standing up.  "What did he tell you?"  Harry told him about the spells and the headmaster gaped in horror.  "I...."

"I want your sworn word that you did not keep anyone from coming to help me when I needed it.  When I nearly died, twice."

The headmaster swallowed.  "I was not involved in that, Harry."

"I see."  He nodded.  "Then perhaps that is the easier way.  Thank you for your time, Headmaster."  He walked around him and went to his room.  He got what he needed and went to the bathroom to cast it.  Dark magic or not, yay.  He wasn't losing Sirius.  He wasn't going to go back to the Dursleys.  He wasn't going to trust anyone in this school who hadn't proved their loyalty.

Which made sudden sense about him rescuing and keeping Draco Malfoy.  He knew exactly where his loyalties lay.  Snape too.  He finished the spell work and cast it, going limp.  Mostly relief but he was tired.  But he had another thing to do tonight.  He had Dobby pop up and take him to Snape's quarters with the spell scroll.  The potions master jumped up with his wand in hand.  "I just met with a very interesting person from another reality who knew me when I ended the war," he said in greeting.

"This couldn't wait, Potter?" he sneered.

"No."  He handed over the scroll.  "That's how I did it there."  Snape snatched it to look at, giving him a horrified look.  Harry stared back.  "I had also managed to save Draco from his father trying to kill him.  I'm told Draco is the only one who can make the soul piece I carry get out of my scar?"

"He did what?" Snape demanded, tipping his head up to cast a spell on the scar.  "That's very dark magic," he said, thinking about it.  Harry got free and sat down, telling him everything Lex had told him.  Snape nodded once.  "I would not put that past Lucius," he admitted finally.  "Draco does know how to remove such spirits as well.  Though it's not as easy as removing one from a vase."  He crossed his arms.  "Did you?"

"Yes."

"You know that's dark magic?"

"As opposed to having to kill him?"  Snape nodded that was true.  "Or having him kill a whole bunch of people?  Including Sirius?"

"I see.  The mutt," he complained.

Harry stared at him then took off his jacket and top, standing up to let him see the scars.  "That way I don't have to go back there.  Which would probably be a bad idea."

Snape stared.  "Why are you so scarred?"

"My uncle and aunt.  Their son."  He shrugged.  "If you want to read my mind, I'm sure you've done it before."  Snape nodded and cast the spell, pulling back a minute later with a shudder.  "I'd rather not finish losing what little remains of my temper.  There's no telling what'll happen this time."

"I do understand that urge," he admitted.  He stared at him.  "The headmaster?"

"I asked him if he would swear he hadn't stopped someone from coming to my aid.  He didn't.  I'm seeing why the me there lost my temper so grandly."

Snape nodded.  "I can as well."  He was seeing a whole different side of the 'savior of the wizarding world'.  This wasn't the broken, beaten child that the headmaster had wanted.  It was a survivor and a strong soul that would not break, yet.  "I'll speak with Mr. Malfoy on your behalf."

"Thank you."  He stood up.  "I think I'm going to go sit by the lake."

"I can take points for being out after curfew and breaking in here," he sneered.

"Sure, you do that.  But I think it'd be better if I couldn't be found very easily by the headmaster."

Snape nodded.  "He's probably already realized you're here, Potter."

"But I'm not.  Dobby?"  He came in and popped him off to somewhere safer.

Snape sighed and got dressed.  He went to check on Malfoy, which woke him up.  "I've heard rumors that your father will be sending for you soon," he hissed in his ear, getting a grimace.  "He will let you be sacrificed in his place."  He pulled back.  "And someone wanted a favor."

"Would it help keep me from that fate?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm all for whatever stupidity it is," Draco said bluntly.  He sat up.  "When?"

"Soon."

Draco nodded.  "I'll let you set up a meeting for me."  Snape nodded, leaving.  Draco laid down with a sigh of displeasure.  Why him?  He wasn't Potter.  Though it was probably him that needed something.

Snape ran into the headmaster.  "You're up late," he said in greeting.

"I'm afraid something breached our wards."

"Hmm.  I'm sure we'll figure it out.  It was probably a house elf."

"No, it was two young men."

"Interesting."

"There's something going on.  Where is Harry?  He's not in his bed."

"That house elf may have removed him to somewhere safer.  I have no idea."  He walked around him.  He cast a shield as he walked, just in case.  He felt the memory spell hit and winced.  But he also felt another spell and suddenly he remembered.  And that was a very nice demonic spell by whoever those twins had been.  He did send a house elf to warn Dobby not to answer any summons from the headmaster.  He went back on his hall patrol while he thought.  Something very bad was coming.

***

Harry and Draco, the original ones, stared at each other, shaking their heads.  "Lex is a pain in the ass when he's bored," Draco said.

"Yes, he is," Harry agreed.  "But it was nice he was helping me."  He grinned.  "I'm sure he'll go help the two asshole hunters soon."

"Probably."

They shared a look.  "He needs his army," Draco said with an evil look.

"He was missing them."  He looked at the waiting hench-minis.  "First Der, go help Lex in his present realm."  He nodded and they sent him there.

The Council of Der met to discuss what could happen and what they needed to happen.  Lex would get into a lot of trouble without them.

***

Xander blinked, looking at the eight-inch-high version of him.  "What the hell?" he demanded.  "LEX!"

Lex came jogging in and squealed, hugging his Der.  "First Der!"

"You need assistance, Lord Lex."  He stared at him.  "Before you get into massive problems.  After all, the Winchester patriarch isn't a pussy cat."  He looked at Xander.  Then smirked.  "I'm First Der, second-in-command for the Army of Der.  Prime Der sits on the Der Council."

"Draco made them for me," Lex said with a happy grin. "They were the best birthday present ever."

"Sure, but why are they so small?"

"So they can get into places he can't," First Der said with a grin.  "Some of us are two-inches for super stealth ops."  He winked.  "The Council is made up of a Der of each of our Lords."  He looked at him.  "Lords Draco and Harry thought it was brilliant you went to help the him here."  Lex smirked.  "Let me recon the house while you two go back to sleep.  I'll set up protections."  He held up something.  "Lord Harry found that?"

"My wand," he said with a smirk, taking it to wave.  "Ahhh, such prettiness."  He smirked.  "Thanks, First Der."  He walked off.  "Night, Xander."

"Night," he said, looking confused.

The First Der climbed up to tuck him in.  "Rest, Lord Xander.  You probably have something to be nagged about tomorrow.  Willow has tried many times, even long distance."  He walked off to ward the house.  Lex did some too.  "Let me do it, Lord Lex."  Lex nodded, going to bed.  The First Der finished the wards and made a list for grocery shopping.  No one in Sunnydale would even blink at his height.  That was the beauty of Sunnydale.

***

Willow spotted First Der and tipped her head to the side, starting to make whimpering noises.  "Xander?" she asked, pulling on his sleeve until he looked at her.  She pointed.  "What happened to Lex?"

Xander looked then at her.  "That's his First Der.  They were a birthday present from someone he knows."  He smirked.  "What's up, First?"

"Lunch.  You forgot to grab it," he said, handing over the bag.  "You must eat to keep your strength and fitness."  He nodded at her.  "Nagging one."  He left.

Jesse spotted him and nearly dropped his lunch tray.  "Xander?" he squeaked.

"He's the First Der."

"Oh," he said, nodding quickly.  Xander saved Jesse's tray and helped him to his seat.  Jesse stared at him.  "Der?"

"Yup, apparently there's a lot of them."  He grinned.   "He's really nice."

Jesse burst out in hysterical laughter.  Willow hugged him to calm him down.  Jesse shook his head, moaning.  "Okay," he decided.  "Any other shocks?"

"We went to Scotland last night."

Jesse moaned.  "I so want to know how."

"Ask him.  It was something on the floor."

"Yeah, I can pump Lex for info."  He dug into his lunch, shaking Willow off.  "No hugging, Willow.  I'm not that sort of boy."

"Fine," she sighed, getting into her own lunch.  "What did he make you, Xander?"  She beamed.  "OH!  I get it!"

Xander smirked, unpacking his lunch.  He had milk, two ham sandwiches, and for some reason he had carrot sticks.  He grimaced.  Willow took them and traded her brownie, which Jesse stole when Xander pulled out twinkies and ho-hos.  "First spoiled me."  He dug in, eating everything.  He had a test next period.  They all did.

***

"I hate school!" Xander said as he walked in.  "Can't I quit?"

"If you get B's this semester we're going to the beach with bikinis," Lex called back.

"Well, maybe I don't hate school then," he decided, going to his room to drop his bag and then to Lex's.   He ducked the lights being shot at him.  "What's that?"

"Magic."  He smirked, doing it again.

"Interesting."

"You can learn when you graduate.  I didn't before I graduated."  Xander nodded, grinning at him.  "Also, there's going to be a demon that's going to hunt virgins soon.  We need to fix that."

"There's no way anyone would have me, Lex."

"I got plenty.  Even at seventeen."

Xander pouted.  "Really?"  Lex nodded with a grin.  "Then maybe we can go to a club?  Not that I do all that well at the Bronze, but maybe?"

"Definitely," Lex agreed.  "Go get cleaned up."

"It's finals week."

"Fine, we'll go Friday."  Xander beamed and bounced off.  "No other two of the trio?"

"No, not tonight.  Her parents are back and Jesse's studying like a mad monkey."

"Okay."  He got up and went to help his twin study.  He wanted better for his nicer half than he had.

***

Xander ducked over to where Lex was dancing.  "Some girl hit on me but she's wearing a lot of knives," he hissed in his ear.

"Ooh, twins," the woman dancing with Lex purred, running her nail over Xander's cheek.  "Cute."

Lex smirked with a wink.  "The one who hit on him just scared him.  You're not scary, are you?"

"Oh, no, baby, not at all."  She pulled the other twin over to dance with them.  The other woman got shot when she came over.  Then she put her gun back into her bra so she could go back to tempting the twins.  They were so adorably pure.

Xander gave Lex a pointed look, getting a grin back.  She pounced and it was...strange but nice Xander guessed.   He wasn't sure how he felt about her pouncing him and giving him his first blow job.  Or how she rode him into nearly passing out. Thankfully Lex saved his reputation by making her squeal.  So he got an interactive sex-ed lesson that he'd have to tell Jesse about later.  Willow would shriek and beat him but Jesse would want to hear.

***

Draco met with Potter on the quidditch pitch, under the bleachers.  "What sort of favor do you need, Potter?" he asked, glancing around.

"I need you to remove the horcrux from my scar."

Draco stared at him, mouth working a few times before it snapped shut.  "How did that happen?"

"Apparently it happened when he tried to kill me."  He shrugged.  "He can't die until all the horcrux are destroyed."

"Taking it out of you won't destroy it."

"No, it won't," Harry agreed.  "But he can't die until it's gone."

Draco nodded.  "I know, in theory, how to do it."

"He's going to be calling for help soon."

Draco sneered.  "Why would he want help?"

"Because until he ends it he's not going to be happy with missing strips of skin.  A new one each day."  Draco gave him an odd look.  "There's a prophecy," he sighed, sitting on a crossbeam.  "One of us has to die for the other to fully live.  I'm not going to play that game.  I could care less at the moment.  I don't want him to live but ....."  He licked his lips.  "Frankly, the people on the Light's side aren't any more light than Voldemort is.  They just use a few less deathly ways."

Draco nodded.  "I knew that."

Harry sighed, looking down at his hands then up at Draco.  He rolled up his sleeves, showing off a ten inch scar.  "I was ten.  It was within weeks of when I got my letter."  He showed it off.  Draco gave it a horrified look.  It had a long, obviously deep trench in the middle of it.  "Part of that missing area was from when they fixed the sixteen knife cuts that I didn't do to myself."

Draco looked at it.  "Pomfrey can fix that."

Harry shook his head.  "She's never mentioned anything about fixing any of my scars.  Including the one on my chest."

"Why do you have one there?"  Harry lifted up his shirt to show him, getting a shudder.  "What happened?"

"My cousin decided he wanted me to remember I was a freak."  He put his shirt back down.  "I'm not going to go back to the people who did this.  Especially since it appears that others, like the Headmaster, knew."  He looked at him.  "I have a godfather that he let be railroaded for something he didn't do, without a trial.  I'd like to prove him innocent at the same time but I know that'll take capturing a certain death eater to do it. And then people to actually do what they're supposed to by law, which I doubt will happen."  He shifted.  "Right now, I want the horcrux out.  We can mail it back to him so he can kill it for all I care."

"I can look at the procedure, that won't raise too many questions.  Mailing it back is fairly dramatic but if you're doing what I think you're doing it'd save some lives."

"Draco, right about now, I don't rightly care," Harry said, sounding tired.

Draco Malfoy, scion of a long line of slightly darker than usual wizards, stared at the supposed hero and realized there was something darker in him than there was in his father.  "How did you come up with this plan?  That spell's not one Granger would find anywhere or accept as a good and legal idea.  Weasley either."  He crossed his arms over his chest.

Harry grinned.  "I talked to someone who knew me in his home realm after I had lost my temper and done it this way.  There, I saved you from your father's idea to sacrifice you instead of him by having you destroy his assigned horcrux."

Draco frowned.  "What?"  Harry grinned but explained it to him.  Draco was scowling by the end.  "That doesn't seem like a good idea."

"The one he got summoned to protect is his self in this realm.  He got deaged to our age from older.  Apparently there I walked away from everyone and said 'screw it'.  I took you with me to protect you and keep the Light from killing us both."

Draco considered it.  "You're sure they knew?"

"Yes.  Thinking back, my letter was addressed to the 'cupboard under the stairs'.  Even if they're done by the house elves, which I doubt, or magically, I'm fairly certain that someone mentioned something when they had to send Hagrid to find me.  Hargid told me he did."

"I see."  He considered his options.  He had a lot of them.  "I'll help you remove it.  I don't think I need saved."

"If you're sure.  If not, I owe you a debt," Harry said, holding out a hand.

Draco shook it.  "You do."  He walked off.  He had some research to do.  Snape had pulled the books and hidden them in his office already.  Before they disappeared from the library for good.  It left a lot of questions.  He looked at his head of house, his godfather, and checked to make sure they were alone.  "Why does he still have scars?"

Snape shook his head.  "No one decided it was necessary to fix."

"Did you see them?  I saw two and ...."  He swallowed.  "I'd have died.  He nearly died."

"Apparently.  What did you two decide?"

"I'm pulling it out and sending it off."

"Agreed.  That's the safest option."  He handed over the books.  Draco sat down to read.  "Did he tell you about that one that showed up?"

"Something of him.  I don't understand why he needed to protect me."

"Your father would need a reason to save himself this time."

Draco considered that, then nodded.  "Then perhaps I need to make some of my own plans."  He went back to his research.  Things were moving very quickly and there were multiple traps ready to snap around him.  Including for helping remove the horcrux.  His father would be very pissed off, but at least it had a chance of killing Potter when it was done.  By dinner he had a clear idea of what he needed to do.  Potter wasn't at dinner.  Weasley was looking pissed off so there was no telling what was going on.

"I can't believe you let them take Harry!" Ginny shouted suddenly and threw a punch at her brother.  "Some best friend you are!"  She stomped off sobbing.

Draco glanced up at Snape, who was apparently in the dark as well.  He'd find out later that the Headmaster had Harry taken into custody of the Ministry to 'help him after a run-in with a trans-dimensional being'.  Which was a piece of crap lie of all lies.  Draco didn't need to think too hard to figure out that the traps were starting to shut.  Especially with how many death eaters were in the Ministry.  He finished dinner and went to get what he needed.  He didn't need to be in the same room to do the spell.  It'd be harder but not impossible.  It'd wear him out. He locked himself in an unused room and did the spell.

***

Lex smirked at the girl coming up the stairs.  "Xander," he said, bringing him over.  "That's Buffy," he said with a point at the girl.  "You and the trio *stay home* for the next three weeks.  No Bronze, no nothing."

Xander nodded.  "Thanks, Lex."  He ran off to run into Buffy and introduce himself.  And then Willow.  Buffy seemed pretty nice, if a bit standoffish.  During math class, Xander looked at Jesse.  "Lex said we can't go out this week," he hissed.  The teacher glared.  He shrank down in his chair, shooting Jesse a look.  He got an understanding one back and a slight nod.  Once class was out, he hissed in his friend's ear to tell him why, getting a nod and a grin back.  "Sleepover?"

"My mother's asleep this week."

"I have a sleeping bag."

"Cool!"  They headed to their next class of suckiness.  Jesse spotted the First Der but it was fine.  He was lurking to watch over them for Lex.

***

The First Der spotted the vampire tracking the trio and shot it with a crossbow specially made to fit the army.  He ran after the trio.  "There's hunters, Lord Xander.  We must go now."  Xander nodded, hurrying the other two up with their ice creams.   He summoned his master to guard them and Lex appeared in a flash of light and smoke, killing the vampires around them quickly.  The First Der smiled and made sure they made it home.  Lex walked behind them.  He locked the doors and First upped the wards.  "Okay," Lex said.  Jesse was giving them an odd look.  "One of you died in my world tonight."  Jesse moaned, sitting down to stare at him.  "Exactly.  So let's not go out tonight?  I'll tell your mom you're staying over, Jesse."  He walked into the kitchen to call her.

Xander hugged Jesse, then Willow.  "I'd hate to miss you two."  Willow sniffled and made them sit around her to snuggle until she felt better.  "Willow, your parents?"  She grimaced.  "Lex, call her mom to pick her up?"

"Yup."  He called her house.  "Hi, Mr. Rosenburg, it's Xander.  I was out with Willow getting ice cream and someone tried to follow us when we cut across Sunny Rest on the way back here.  Yeah, she's worried but hugging Jesse.  No, he can stay but I know you don't want her staying with two boys.  Please."  He gave him the address.  "Yeah, we moved when Mom decided to move to Mexico with Uncle Rory and his girlfriend.  No, we're totally cool."  He grinned.  "Yes, I make sure we eat and all that.  Jesse's mom does too.  She's presently making him cuddle her.  Yup, we'll be here.  Be careful."  He hung up and walked out there.  "Your mom didn't tell him?"

"No," she sighed.  "He'll complain and call someone."

"I have the forged emancipation paperwork," First said.  He grinned.  The twins smirked back at him.  "Therefore less problems."  He and Lex got out of sight since Mr. Rosenburg didn't know about them.

Willow bounced over when she heard the car.  "Huh.  Xander, it's an officer."

Xander got up to hold up the paperwork.

"I heard you say they were forged," the officer said smugly.

Lex leaned out to stare at him.  "No you didn't.  Obliviate."  He hit him and the officer wandered off drooling.  He went back to hiding since another car was pulling in.

Xander grinned.  "He was trying to upset us and say we're being evil."

"Hmm.  I'm sure you could be with your past but you've always shown exemplary conduct around my daughter," Mr. Rosenburg said.

Xander stared at him.  "I'd never hurt Willow or Jesse.  They're closer to me than my family was, Mr. Rosenburg.  That's why we called you, because she was a bit shaken."

"No, that was a good idea.  Do you have any idea who it was?"

Xander shook his head.  "Not a clue.  All I saw was a human shaped shadow that followed us from the ice cream shop across most of Sunny Rest."

"That area is bad," he admitted.  He hugged his daughter.  "Are you all right?"

"Just a bit scared.  There were those kids that were killed last week."

"I saw in the paper.  Thank you for protecting each other, boys.  Jesse, do you need a ride home?"

"She's sleeping this week."

"That's fine.  Have fun on their couch."  He looked at Xander, then around.  "No adults?"  Xander smiled and held up the paperwork.  "Oh, interesting.  Nice job, Xander."

"It kept Uncle Rory from having to come back to complain at us."

"I can understand that.  He's probably happier in Mexico."  He walked his daughter back to her car.  "Officer?" he called.  "You left your engine off and your lights on."  He got in and took Willow home.

"Lex, he's wandering toward a cemetery."  He went out to get into a car.  "Hi," he said into the radio.  "Officer Paul parked in my driveway and left his lights on but he wandered off looking like he had a head injury toward Shady Bough cemetery.  He was drooling and looked really confused."  He let the button go.

"Where are you, sir?"

"This is Xander Harris.  I'm on East."

"We know where that is, Mr. Harris.  Thank you.  I'll send someone to get his car and him."

"That's fine, we're going to lock up for the night."  He let the button go and got out, closing the door before heading inside and closing that door.  First locked the house down and they settled in to watch tv.  There were good scary movies on that they could laugh at.

Jesse looked at Lex when he came out.  "Is that real?"

"There's two types of werewolf.  There's the type that went to Tibet to learn how to control things like their change.  They meditate a lot.  There's the ones that change the three nights of the full moon.  The good ones among them lock themselves up as soon as they realize.  They both look like really big dogs."

"Cool," Jesse said.  "Are there any in town?"

"Yeah, I know one that go bitten by his baby nephew.  He locked himself up and then went to Tibet."

"Really cool," Xander said.  He saw the car lights and looked outside.  The officer ran after his fellow officer.  He led him back to his car and another car pulled up with two officers.  One got out to drive the spare car back to the station while they got the injured ones there.  Xander shrugged.  "They got him."

"Good," Lex said.  He nibbled on a donut.  Jesse stole one.  First took one too and then handed one to Xander before walking off.

Xander grinned at him.  "What're we doing this weekend?"

"Hike?"

"Sure," Jesse decided.  They settled in to watch the movie again.  It was laughable.

***

Harry heard the warning bells go off and looked around.  "Everyone, go to the houses," he ordered.  His table full of Gryffindors went running. He had only been back for two days.  It was possible he was going to be going back when the Headmaster vs Fudge issue was worked out, though he was trying hard to get out of that trap.  "Hermione, get the Hufflepuffs!"

She went to help them since they'd have to go through the foyer, there wasn't a back way like there was to Gryff or Ravenclaw.  Harry rushed out to help, because it had to be something terrible.  Yup, there was an attack on the school's main hall area.  "Shite!" he complained.  Snape glared at him before sending a hex at the people.  "Malfoy, if you've got a back way, use it!" he ordered when he spotted him.

"It's past them," he complained.  He herded the kids back into the Great Hall and tried to lock the doors, which they wouldn't.

Harry followed and shot a locking spell that had been in the scrolls at them, chaining them up.  "C'mon, there's a back way to Gryf, you can get your way from there hopefully."

"The only back way's by the main fireplace," Draco snarled.

Harry looked at him.  "Then I'm guessing you're welcome in Gryffindor.  Because none of us would see another student dead."  He led the way up.  Some of his own house was out there.  "What's going on?" he demanded.

"We can't remember the password!" one shouted.  "She won't open, even with an emergency!"

"Semi Transparent Bat Bogeys," Harry called.  The painting opened and let the Gryfs inside but slammed shut on them.  "There's a bloody attack on the damn school!" he shouted.  "You'll let them the fuck in or else!"

"I will not!  They're not my house!" the fat lady sneered.

"Fine," Harry said, removing the painting.  She shrieked but yay.  He got the door open and let them inside.  "People, they can't get to their house," he noted at the heated looks he was getting.  "Ron, set up a guard out by here.  I had to remove the painting.  Apparently other houses were supposed to die instead."  He hurried out, catching a few Ravenclaws trapped.  "Gryffindor's open," he called.  They ran that way.  Ron let them in.

Harry started to hex from the banister on the way down the stairs.  Others of his Gryff friends did the same thing.  The rest ranged from the stairs to the doorway.  When they were finally all down, Harry took a calming breath, looking around.  "Professor Snape, your students are guests in our house because they couldn't get to yours."  He hurried up to 'save them' or check on them.  Harry leaned on the banister, looking at the other students.  "We good?"  Hermione checked and nodded.  "Thank Merlin."

He sighed, looking at the fuming headmaster since a painting was screaming at him.  "I'm sorry, but I don't believe a painting's worth a whole house full of students dying," he said bluntly when the Headmaster started to say something about it.  "If you do, why are you in charge of a school?"  McGonagall gasped.  "Not only did our house's painting decide that students in danger could suffer and probably die if they had made it past you, but even those in her own house that couldn't remember the password under pressure were locked out.  I respectfully removed the painting.  It's laying right beside the door and can easily be put back."

"What do you mean she wouldn't let Gryffindor students in?" McGonagall complained.

"They couldn't remember the bloody password."  She glared.  He stared back.  "They were standing outside the doorway trying to remember it.  The Slytherin's only means of escape is apparently right in front of you?"  She gasped.  "If we're going to be attacked, do you expect us to sacrifice students just because they're in a different house?  If so, I'm quitting this school.  Today."  He walked off.

"Bit dramatic there, Harry," Ron complained, but followed him.  "Though you're right, they do need a safer way of getting down to their dorms so they can be locked in."

Harry nodded.  "There's no reason for house loyalties to have potentially gotten any of the students killed," he said.  The Slytherins all stared at him.  "I just got yelled at for letting you guys in."

Malfoy snorted.  "Figures.  Not like they give a damn about us."

"Mr. Malfoy," Snape complained.

"Hufflepuff's is in about the same spot," Draco reminded him.

Snape sighed but nodded.  "It is a flaw that will endanger students in such an emergency."

"I'm sorry if you're pissed that I got them in here," Harry said bluntly.  "But I'm not going to let them die just because they're in your house.  Whoever can suck me as I've heard said."  The other Gryffs cheered.  Snape glared.  "People, let me go do something less angry."  He walked off again.  "Hermione, you're in charge."

"Of course I am," she agreed.  She looked.  "Twins, get the Ravenclaws back to their house, so they can take a head count.  Ginny, do a head count of ours."  They nodded, moving to do that.  "Any injuries, we'll walk you up to the nurse," she noted.

"I only need my ankle iced," one said.  Snape looked at her.  "Turned it on the run up the stairs."

Pansy Parkinson did the icing spell and the girl smiled.  "Welcome," Pansy said, then sneered at Snape.  "I won't be endangered here."

"There's no reason you should be."  He walked them out and down to their dorms, doing a head count.  He was missing one.  "Where is Mr. Zabini?"

"Here," he said, jogging to catch up.  "McGonagall asked me a question, Professor."

"Fine.  Go rest, calm down, all that."  He ran inside and up to his room.  Snape shut and locked the house himself then went to find the other teachers.  He glared at the headmaster.  "That's been a flaw we've mentioned for the past twelve years, Headmaster.  I don't want my students dead any more than Pomona does."  He walked off again.

Professor Flitwick came down from his own headcount and handed over the painting.  "It's easily put back with two screws," he said quietly.  "Thankfully he spotted some of mine that couldn't remember the password under pressure and let them in as well."

"They do my house proud," McGonagall said.  "The painting, not so much at the moment."

"That's a safety feature," the headmaster reminded her.

"She can bloody well let in any other student if there's an emergency without endangering them, unless you believe it'll be a student endangering them?" she asked, staring at him.  "If so, I'd hope we teachers could handle them."  She stomped off.  She went to get a more suitable portrait until she could correct that one by yelling at it.  It got stuck over the doorway and the prefects came out to set the password and tell the others.

She found the headmaster yelling at Harry.  She looked at the other teachers.

"Enough!" Flitwick snapped.  "He just saved students lives, Albus!  How dare you yell at the boy for doing what we could not!"

Harry shrugged.  "It's not something I'm ever going to hopefully ignore," Harry said.  "If he wants to yell, that's fine.  I've already sent a letter to the other schools saying I'd like to transfer."  The headmaster gasped and backed away.  Harry stared at him.  "At least there, no one's going to stop people from showing up to put me in the hospital when I'm so badly injured I could've died.  Either time."  He walked around him.  "If I can't, I'll go be a muggle again."

"Mr. Potter," McGonagall said, following him.  "Let's talk so you can calm down."

He stared at her.  "Did you know?"

"Not until you got here."

He nodded.  "Why isn't there a CPS sort of group in the wizarding world?"

"There is."

"Then where in the hell are they?" he asked calmly.  "We've got two others in our house that could use them."  He walked off again.  He was now done with Hogwarts.  For good.  He had Dobby pack his things and take them to Sirius and he went too.  Because he was tired, he was angry, and he was going to explode.

***

Lex strolled into the police station the next morning.  "Someone wanted to talk to me?" he asked.

"Harris, why did you call in?" one of the detectives asked, sneering at him.

"You'd rather I had let him wander off drooling and looking like he'd had a stroke?  Sure, next time I'll let him fall into an open grave and die or something."   He gave him a pointed look.  "I was being nice and good.  Aren't I supposed to do that?"

"Yes," the detective said, glaring at him now.  "Your emancipation paperwork isn't on file."

Lex looked at it, then held it up.  "That's not my fault."  The detective snatched it to look over, sighing in disgust.  "Sorry, Detective Josh, but I did what I'm supposed to do.  What did you want me to do?  Because I can not warn that one of you guys could die next time."

"Why were the Rosenburgs out last night?" he demanded.

Lex took back the paperwork to put into his back pocket.  "Someone tried to follow us across Shady Rest.  We didn't want Willow to walk home."

"Huh."  An officer came in with Xander.  "Interesting."

Xander grinned.  "Hi, Lex."

"Xander.  Did you remember your lunch?  First got mad."

"I didn't mean to upset him."

First appeared with a bag, handing it to Xander.  "It's always in the fridge, next to the soda and milk, Lord Xander.   Lord Lex, I'm going to do the grocery shopping?"

Lex handed over his wallet.  "Sure, have fun."  He grinned.  "Scare the cheerleader at the register for me?"

"I can do that."  He leered and left.

Lex grinned at the horrified looking cops.  "That's my First Der.  He's the leader of my army."  He grinned happier.

Detective Josh stared at him.  "You weren't twins before."

Xander shrugged.  "I don't really remember never having Lex around."  The officers all groaned.  "Anyway."  He looked at Lex.  "They tried to take me out of math."

"Willow would *so* bitch," Lex agreed.  He checked his watch.  "It's gym class though.  So hey, no dodgeball today."

"Yup."  They shared a smirk then at the officers and detectives.

Lex hugged him.  "He's the good twin but I'm going to teach him how to lead my army."  That got a mass shudder.  "Anything else, guys?"  They shook their heads.  "Then we'll see you soon I'm sure."  They walked off.  They slowly walked away, spotting a bunch of the officers heading for the church up the street.   "Aww," Lex said with a smirk at his twin.  "Have fun in class."

"Can't you fill in for me?" he complained.

"No!  I lived through Sunnydale High with Snyder in charge."

"Eww."  He shuddered but walked off, going back to class.  The principal glared at him.  "Last night an officer parked in our driveway and walked off drooling.  We called it in and they wanted to nag."

"Why?"

"I used his car's radio."

"That was probably wise and a good thing to do, Mr. Harris."  He smiled.  "I like that attitude.  It's very helpful."  He listened to the bell.  "I believe you have science."

"Cool.  I'm told we have a sub."  He beamed and walked off.  He sat down, looking at Willow.  "They wanted to know about last night's call-in."  She moaned.  "First showed up with my lunch and everything."

"Oh, dear."

Xander beamed.  "It was kinda cool that they ran off to pray."  She moaned, shaking her head.  "But anyway, sub?"

"Sub," she agreed.  "I wonder if she'll show a movie."

The teacher came out with a book.  "Sorry, I'm not that sort of sub."  She was beautiful and a lot of the boys in the class stared hard at her chest.  Until she turned around and then her butt nearly lit on fire from the staring.  "We're going to go over insects."  Willow raised her hand.  "I know it's not what you were doing but it's my speciality."  She smiled.  "All right?"  They all nodded and the boys all stared.  The girls stared but a few looked pissed off that she was beautiful.  Pity.

Xander made notes, looking at her.  She was pretty but something was off.  He looked at Buffy.  She knew he knew.  She had met Lex too by accident.  He nudged her and showed her his notes, looking at hers.  "You diagram better."

Buffy looked at his and nodded.  No wonder she had strange feelings about her.  They got back to making notes.  They had to pass their classes, even if the teacher was a demon.

Lex strolled up to them at lunch, looking at his nicer half.  "What's wrong?"

"Mrs. French."

"Eww, Praying Mantis woman."  He shrugged.  "Bats," he told Buffy.  She beamed and got with Willow to figure that out.  He looked at his twin.  "We need to visit tonight."

"Do I need to visit?  We have tons of math homework."

"Yup.  You can do it there.  Sam's really good in math."  He grinned and walked off.

"Okay, maybe he can explain why there's letters."

Willow sighed and shifted over to go over it again.

***

Lex and Xander appeared inside a hotel room.  Lex took the guns from the three hunters' hands as soon as they were pointed at them.  "I come in peace, people.  Me and my nicer half and the First Der."

The father stared down at the miniature of the guys.  "What the hell?" he demanded.

"Draco made my army of Der for my birthday."  Lex grinned at him.   "I got pulled to protect myself here.  In my original realm, me, Sam, Dean, Harry, and Draco all got kicked off our home realm because the demons got really scared that the white wall of defenders were a bit...stressed by battles."

John stared at him.  "Excuse me?" he demanded.  "My sons...."

"I should be twenty-one in a few days," Lex told him.  "I was born a few months before Sam.  Right before Sam went to college, on his way there, he had a strange run in that prompted some thinking but the demons were going to drag him back into hunting so they sent him with Dean."

"Prove it," Dean ordered.

Lex stared at him.  "On my twentieth birthday, we all got drunk and played Truth and Dare.  It's the one game all of us can agree on, even Draco.  You had to answer about your most embarrassing moment.  The answer of which was 'Chicago'."  Dean flinched and shook his head.  "And then Sam cackled but drained another two beers before telling you it was all right."

Sam nodded.  "I could use one now actually," he admitted.

"Definitely," Dean agreed.  "Okay, so you know the us there.  Why visit?"

"Draco found out why the demon wanted Sam and he's relatively close by."  John stiffened, glaring at him.  "No strings.  I wanted to touch base with this version of my asshole cohorts at home.  I miss my friends."

"I guess I can understand that," John admitted.  "How did you get here?"

"Draco found out I have magic and he was training me."  He held up his wand with a grin.  "Xander can learn when he's over eighteen since I won't be blowing up part of a town to protect it from an ascension battle and vampires."

"Where are you two from?" Dean asked.

"Sunnydale," Xander said with a grin.  "Out by LA."

"We know about it," John said bluntly.  "Your portal is a pain and most hunters won't go there."

Lex nodded.  "I know.  We've had a few good lowerings of the death rate."  The First Der was folding laundry.  Lex stared at him.  "What are you doing?"

"I like Lord Sam best," he reminded him.  "He always pats me on the head."

Sam patted him.  "Thank you for doing that for me."

"You're welcome, Lord Sam."  He smiled.

"Lord?" Dean asked.

"Lord Draco said we were to address them that way and he created us as a present for Lord Lex."  He finished and walked off.  "The Council of Der is plotting how to get more of us here."

"There's a miniature of each of us," Lex said with a grin for Dean.  "The last time I had the flu, the mini you curled up to fuss over me."

Dean shuddered.  "I'm not that sort of guy, sorry."

Xander shrugged.  "That's fine.  I never expect it," Lex said.  "Harry's got his Draco that he saved.  You two live in your house.  I play with the army."  He shrugged.  "Anyway...."

"The demon," John ordered.

"Yup.  Azazel.  He wanted a Highlander-style chosen."

"Highlander?" John demanded, looking confused.

"The movie with the guys with swords," Sam said.

Dean snapped.  "There can be only one...."

"A chosen minion," John said.  "Why?"

"Something like Sunnydale's portal but it has something to do with Colt.  That's all we figured out."

"Colt.  The gunmaker?" Dean asked.

"Yeah."

"That's a very narrow field of research," John said, finding his phone to call someone.  "Bobby, me.  The demon's name is Azazel.  It has something to do with Colt.  Yeah, move that thing.  I don't know, it might be close?" he asked Lex.

"In two years, one of his old minions that was left from his last attempt will try to get Sam possessed but Sam won't realize it except in hindsight.  When it couldn't it blocked the memories until Harry removed them."  Lex looked at him.  "He found a few drops of blood to turn on gifts?"

"Gifts?" John asked.   He looked at his youngest son.

"He had a vision right before they kicked us off," Lex said.  "Because the demon was *pissed*.  Apparently Sam's got lineage?"

"Mary's family hunted," John said quietly.  Dean gave him a horrified look.  "My former wife."

Lex nodded he knew that.  Xander gave him a hug.  "Xander, he's not huggy," Lex said, pulling him off gently.  "Hug Sam.  Sam likes hugs."  Sam shrugged and let Xander hug him.  "Oh, for future reference?  Being the bitch of destiny," Lex said, staring at John.  "Especially about someone's future plans?  Gets you four years of missing things, no contact, and misery.  With very little time to fix it."

John stared at him.  "Why?"

Lex moved closer to whisper in his ear, getting a nod.  "So yeah.  Misery, regrets."

"Understood," John said.  He kept himself calm.  "What are you two doing?"

"I'm helping the slayer that moved there.  Xander's not allowed to hunt.  I ended up with a great expedience switch for battles."

John nodded, swallowing.  "I can see that point."  Lex glanced at Sam then at him again.  John mentally swore.  "Okay.  He's getting self defense I'm sure?"  Lex grinned and nodded.

"Every Thursday," Xander agreed.  He grinned at Sam.  "You guys should come visit.  Lex has really scared a whole bunch of demons.  And Buffy's watcher a little bit."

Lex shrugged.  "It helped."

"I bet," John agreed dryly.  He would keep an open mind.  He splashed them both with holy water, getting shrugs.  The 'Der' too.  He only glared at him.

"You messed up my shirt."

John nodded.  "You're a bit weird."

"Draco's a bastard," Lex said with a grin.

"What is he?" John asked.

"Wizard."  He swished his wand then put it back.  "Harry too."

"Good to know.  I've heard rumors but nothing concrete."

"They wanted Harry to be a good soldier and die for the fight."

"Crap," John sneered.

"Yeah.  Speaking of, we should check on Harry."

"I did," First said.  "I removed him and Lord Draco both from the prison and to their godfather's house.  Voldemort is presently insane and screaming at people to solve it.  I'm setting up somewhere for them to stay more safely."

"Excellent work, First Der," Lex said with a smile.  "So I take it he did follow it?"

"Yes.  But once they found out the soul piece was gone, the Ministry snapped about him.  They didn't want to keep an injured young man who was mentally a minion.  The headmaster didn't have a use for him with it gone.  So therefore he became a pawn.  So now he's with the other pawns.  They're safe for now until we can set up a safe area."  The First looked at his lord and master.  "Are you planning on taking over the town as a sanctuary again, Lord Lex?"

"Yes.  I don't care if they're peaceful, that's fine.  The bad...they go."

"That's fine.  We'll finish setting up a sanctuary tomorrow."

"We?" Lex asked.  "Did more come?"

"Not yet.  I'm hoping soon."  He smiled at Sam.  "You are both welcome as well."  He looked at them.  "We should get Lord Xander back to bed, Lord Lex.  He has school tomorrow."  Lex nodded and they waved then disappeared.

John sighed, sitting down on the bed.  "All right," he said.  "Boys, I have no idea what they're up to."

"He misses his friends," Sam said.

"You don't do major magic like that for that reason," Dean said.

Sam looked at him.  "Xander's a lot like me.  I would if I was missing you."

John nodded.  "That's fine.  We can go visiting."  They nodded that would be tactical to keep watch on whatever they were planning.  "We'll leave after this ghost."  He got up and went to pack what he could.   The boys did the same and then went to bed.  They could get the ghost in the morning and then move on.

***

Xander looked up as the new guy was brought in.  "Hi, Sam."  He grinned.  "Willow, shift over.  He's a friend of Lex's."   She shifted to sit next to Buffy.  Sam sat down and they went over where they were in class.  The teacher gave them a fond look but went back into the discussion of the book they were reading.  Afterward they walked to gym class together.

"It's dodge ball," another student said as he walked past them holding a pad over his eye.

"Yay," Xander said dryly.  "Sam, it's a bad, bad thing."

"I've played dodge ball before."

"We play hard here," Willow sighed.  They walked in.  "I have cramps," she told the teacher, getting a grimace and a point at the bleachers.  She sat down to read.

Sam smiled.  "Hi, I just transferred in today.  Sam Winchester."

The teacher looked at him.  "Any sports you play, Winchester?"

"I ran track in the past."

"That's fine."  He got him a gym outfit.  "Change, Harris.  You're on the losing team today."

"Yay."  Xander went into the locker room.

Lex looked up from changing.  "I heard.  First said it was dodge ball."

Xander hugged him.  "Sam's here."  He skipped out the back entrance.  No one was paying them attention.  Their locker was in the back corner.

Lex strolled out, looking over at Willow then at Sam when he came out.  "So, how was your drive?"

"Not bad.  Dad had bad taste in music like always.  I had a few books.  The usual."  Lex nodded.  Sam stared at him.  "You're not Xander," he said quietly.  He got a smirk back.  "Huh."

"First."  He caught a ball.  The coach picked teams, smirking at him and Sam.  "Okay," Lex said.  "Sam, endure?"

"I can do that."  He squished the ball a few times then the coach blew the whistle.  Lex had good targeting skills.  So did Sam from all his time practicing with a gun.  A few of the jocks on that team tried to get them but Lex dodged and even had to dive at one point.  Then he got the captain of the jock stupidity team.  They yelped when it hit him in the balls.

"Harris, that's illegal," the coach yelled.

"Not like you called it when they did it to someone on our side," he called back.  "Be an ass to both sides or ignore it like usual."  The coach glared and Lex threw one at him, spiking him in the nose.  "Oops, it slipped.  Oh, I'm sorry, that's what you said to your *girlfriend* last night when you got her up the ass by accident."  The girls all laughed.  Sam was snickering.  He caught another one and hit him in the groin.  "That's for her later going 'no, stop it'," he said in a high falsetto.  "Girls mean no when they say no.  Everyone but you learned that.  Did you graduate from here too?"  He got the head jock.  "For trying to grope Willow."  He ran off sobbing.  "Good!"

Sam looked at him.   "Have a bad day?" he quipped.

"Last night.  I did not want my trek for ice cream interrupted by that."

"I can understand that," Sam agreed.  "I wouldn't either."

The principal hurried in.  "What happened?"

"My nightly trek for ice cream was interrupted by some woman screaming for help from the gym teacher," Lex told him.

"Oh, dear."

"Yeah, and then he decided it was fair to spike some guys in the balls but not his precious jocks that do the same damn things.  So therefore he got it back."  He smiled.  "That's one of the fundamentals of the game he loves to make us do so often."

"I suppose that's reasonable," the principal decided.  "But I think it makes you a bit angry."  He looked at the ones watching.  "Does anyone need to go to the ER?"  Willow pointed at a few.  "Miss Rosenburg, you're not a nurse."

"She does some excellent stitches, Principal Flutey, she learned on mine," Lex said.

"I heard some rumors about that."  He looked at the kid he didn't recognize.  "You're new?"

"I am but he's not the first bad teacher I've seen.  I've actually seen worse."

"Oh, good."  He smiled.  "Detention, Harris, for being too mean."

"Yes, sir.  That's fine."

"Good."  He walked out, letting the kids sort themselves out.  Willow sighed but got the first aid kit and settled in to clean injuries.  By the time the bell rang for lunch they were up and walking but pouty.

Lex led Sam to the caf and then out to their table, where Xander was.  "You should cut."

"You'd do it all?" Xander asked, grinning at him.

"Go play mini golf."  He fled.  He grinned at Sam.  "Usually I won't come out here.  I hate this place."

"I can understand how not everyone likes school."  Lex grinned and they dug into food.  First sighed and handed him a bag then disappeared.  So he shared his treats.   "Thanks, First," Sam called, getting a smile back.  "I thought it might be weird but I really like First."  He dug in.  "We have a mini-golf place?"  Lex nodded, drawing out a map of all the cool areas to hang out at.  Willow added in places like the library and the college library but he expected that from her.  They finished up their day and went home, finding John and Dean there.  "First let you in?"

"Xander let us in," Dean said.  He looked at Lex.  "What did you do?"

"Stopped the damn bullying gym coach," he said dryly.  "And served a detention for it."  He grinned.  Xander looked over at him.  "I was a good boy."

"Mostly," Xander corrected dryly.  "Who was that girl that hit on us?  That one who was so damn insistent?  She called and wanted to get between us."

Lex smirked.  "She's pretty, right?"

"She's creepy," Xander corrected.  "She carried nineteen knives to bed."

"Girls like that you don't want to mess with," John said.  "They can kill you."

"They're really fun playmates," Lex said.  "I only draw the evil, pretty ones.  Maybe I should go rescue one like Harry did."

"They'll be at the new hideout later," First said.  "Can I hire some minions, Lord Lex?"

"Sure.  As long as they won't hurt any of us."  First gave him a dirty look but went to find some.  They had to move things to a safer area tonight.  Before someone tried something bad.  By midnight everyone was moved and Harry and Draco were sleeping in a room.  John stayed up to look over the wards and add a salt ward.

First Der came out to look at him.  "There's almost no spirits in town, Mr. Winchester.  Even then they couldn't come in because of the other wards."

"I'd rather have redundant wards.  Just in case."

"I can understand that."  He handed him another container of salt.  "I have three more if you wanted to do the house and then the property line."  He went back to the kitchen.  "I really do wish we had more of the army here!" he shouted, looking up.  "Damn it!"  A crackle went off and a few more Der's, including the mini-Dean, appeared.  Two units of bigger Ders and two of smaller ones.  "Thank you!"  He looked at them.  "This is the new sanctuary.  We are protecting Lords Harry and Draco because they pulled their plan to stop the war faster.  Then the supposed light ones decided they were unstable pawns after making them so."  That got a nod from the unit commanders.

"Also, we have Lord Lex and Lord Xander."  One of the mini commanders moaned and mini-Dean grinned.  "Lord Xander is still going to the high school.  We also have Lords Dean and Sam here as of today and their father."  Everyone nodded.  "Minis, I need groceries.  They're still eating like teenage boys.  Maxi forces, help the elder Winchester set up protections for tonight.  Then make a bunk room.  I've been napping with Lord Lex."  They nodded and hurried off.  The mini Dean went to curl up with his favorite Lord and master.  He loved Lord Lex.

Lex woke up to being hugged, smiling and patting his Der on the back.  "Hi, Dean Der."

"Hi, Lord Lex."  He smirked at him.  "Let me go freak myself out."  He winked and got up, hopping off the bed so he could find his other self.  John stared at him, mouth open.  "Hey, Dad!"  The strange growling noises he got back were amusing.  He found his and Sammy's shared room, sneaking in.  Sam was still awake and stared at him, making some squeaky, freakish noises.  Which woke the original Dean up.

Dean sat up and looked around, knife in hand.  "What the hell are you seeing, Sammy?"  The mini Dean hopped up and stared at him with a grin.  "Okay, that's freaky shit," he said, reaching out to touch him.

"Pet the prettiness, bitch; I enjoy it like you do," mini Dean quipped with an evil smirk.

"Oh, damn."  He pulled him closer to look at.  "Why are you here?"

"First Der summoned some extra of the army.  Since I'm a member of the Der council, I thought it needed oversight to make sure nothing too freaky was going on without us being able to watch and enjoy it too."

"Nothing like that is going on," Sam said, swallowing his extra spit.  The mini Dean was *adorable*!

Dean smirked at him.  "Yet."  He looked at his bigger self.  "That and I'm Lord Lex's personal assistant and nightmare helper.  That way he's guarded."  He hopped back down and went to help his lord and master sleep.

Dean flopped backwards, knife dropping from his hand to the floor.  He looked at Sam.  "There's probably a mini you too."

"He helps you sleep," one of the Der said.  "We're going to put on redundant wards, Lords Dean and Sam."  They came in to do that.

"Are all you guys mini Lex's and Xander's?" Dean asked.  "Outside the mini uses?"

"There's a mini Lord Draco and Lord Harry on the Der Council as well," one said with a grin.  "Otherwise, yes."  They finished up and left them to consider how cute they were.  "Lord John, should we go ward Willow and Jesse's houses as well?"

"Tomorrow," Xander called.  "Jesse's mom is asleep this week and Willow's parents are leaving on Saturday."

"We can do that," he decided.

"Which one are you?" John asked.

"I'm Fourth Der."

"So you guys are numbered?"

"By station."  He smirked.  "I'm in charge of the Second Brigade."  He saluted and walked off.  He paused when a door opened.  "We're sorry to wake you, Lord Draco."

Draco stared at him.  "What the bloody hell are you?"

"The you in Lord Lex's realm created us as his birthday present.  Did you need something?"

"Loo?"  The Fourth Der pointed.  "Thank you.  I'll find out more tomorrow when I can think straight."

"Of course."

"My godfather?" Harry called.

"We removed him and his special friend to a safe house they had set up," the First Der said, walking in there to stare at him.  "Do not worry about them, Lord Harry.  They are very safe and not within England's boundaries."  Harry grinned.  "They'll call you tomorrow I have no doubt."   He smiled.  "Did you need anything?"

"The loo?"  The First Der pointed and he went to use it once Draco was done.  "Only one?"

"There's another on the other side of the house for the living room.  At this moment that's the only shower but we're working on that," the First reported.  "We have plans drawn up for a second level and an emergency basement area."  Harry smiled and patted him on the head before going back to his sleep.  First went to check on the plans he was working on. Fourth made excellent plans so he was now helping.  Mini Dean was doing his duty helping Lord Lex with his nightmares.  Everyone but John was asleep so they were fine.

"Do we have maps?" John asked.

"Yes," First said, getting them for him.  "That's the full map, where all the vampire sanctuaries we raid on occasion are, where Lord Lex has instructed us to put an explosive in case we need to open up a sudden place to sunlight.  That's where the hellmouth is, and the contact information for Mr. Giles, the librarian.  That's marked with everyone important's residences as well."

John nodded, unrolling the map on the coffee table in the living room.  It listed the major demonic enclaves as well.  One of the Ders got him a classification manual for the ones he didn't know, getting a nod of thanks.

"Would you like something to drink, Lord John?" that Der asked.

"I'm just John, not Lord anything."

"Lord Draco would be upset," he said bluntly.  "He's a fussy, cranky bitch when he's upset so we like to avoid that.  Coffee, tea?  We keep both anymore."

"Coffee please."

"Yes, sir."  He went to get him some and a few of the snacks they had been working on for their own dinner.

"Thank you," John said quietly.

"You're welcome."  He went to make more food.  The ones that had went on a raid of the grocery stores came back and the cabinets were filled, so was the fridge.  That meant they could make their bosses very good food and protect them.  Lord Lex was clearly stressed out again.  Perhaps they'd scout nice lovers for him as well.  They were all sexy beasts like their original.

John nibbled while he learned the town and the various demons that lived in it.  There were a lot listed as peaceful unless pissed off.  Which was interesting.  They had a lifetime of work keeping down the vampire menace around here.  Or they had to sink the hellmouth.  He had someone doing some research on that topic for him.  That way he could watch this strange boy from another reality.  Hopefully he'd catch it before he warped his sons.

***

Harry and Draco, the originals, looking up from their scrying, grinning at each other.  "That's very good," Draco agreed.

"The army is helping Lex a lot.  Though it's cute he's younger now," Harry said with a leer.

"Why do you never look at me that way, Potter?"

"Because I captured you and honor demands that I not debauch you unless you want me to.  It's part of being a semi-good guy."  He stared at him.  "It's all up to you, Draco, not me."  He walked off.  "Dean, Sam, the four units and the Mini Dean got there just fine.  They've already stocked the house and all that good stuff."

"Excellent," Sam said with a grin.  "The mini Dean in his usual spot?"

"Yup, helping Lex's nightmares.  Though he might have to help Xander's sometime too, not totally sure."

"Aw, that's right, they're twins," Sam said with a leer.

"That could be handy," Dean agreed from his couch.

"They're presently sixteen," Harry said with a smug look.

"Oooh, barely legal twins," Dean said with a leer at Sam, who threw a pillow at him.  "What!"

"Lex  would flip you over and make you beg," Sam said with a smirk.

"I'm the nicer, less evil brother anyway," Dean quipped.

"Uh-huh.  Yank the other one, Succuba boy."  Sam went back to reading.  Draco had assigned him magical homework.  "Draco, can I use this against Dean?"

"At the wrong strength it may take some of his skin off as well as his hair," he said dryly.

"Don't you dare or the hell you'll pay will make even Lex beg for you," Dean growled, staring down his brother.  He snatched Sam's wand too.

Harry shook his head.  "I'd be more nutters if I had brothers like you two."  He walked off.  "Going home."  He apparated off.

Draco huffed.  "Of course, he leaves me to do it on my own," he complained.

"Sometimes you're the princess, sometimes you're the captive," Dean quipped with an evil smirk for Draco.  "Make up your mind, Draco."

"Whatever."  He disappeared with a crack of collapsing air.  He had to think about what Potter had told him.  He was being an uptight, *honorable* thing again.  Sometimes he missed the evil thinking Harry Potter that had saved him on a whim.

Dean and Sam shared a smirk and settled in for the night with the other Der fussing over them since Lex wasn't around for them to fuss at.

***

Buffy spotted Fourth Der and screamed, getting up on the table.  "What did that to you!" she demanded.

Giles looked at her oddly.  "What are you complaining about, Buffy?  Did you see a mouse?"

"Why is it a girl can slay vampires and still be scared of mice?" Xander asked him.

"It's a very girlish thing to do," Giles sighed.  "Buffy, get down before you step on a book."

"But..."  She pointed.  "Someone shrank Lex!  I don't want it to shrink me too."

"Yeah, I so washed him in really hot water," Xander said dryly, shaking his head.  He looked over.  "Hey, Fourth.  Problems?"

"Stalking you tonight for your other self, Lord Xander."  He smirked at Buffy.  "Along with the First Command of Minis."

"That's cool.  Let us know if you run into something you can't handle."

"Lord Lex said you may not hunt," Fourth reminded him.  "So you can't turn into him."

Xander nodded.  "Uh-huh.  But we're having a major thing tonight so it's all hands on deck."

"He didn't know that."  He called home to tell First that and he went to get Lord Lex and Dean Der up and moving.  As well as the three Winchesters.  "They'll join you soon."

"Who?" Buffy demanded.

"Sam's daddy hunts," Xander said with a grin.  "Lex knew the boys before but John's been hunting for about as long as Sam's been alive, Buffy."

"Really?"  She climbed off.  "No looking up my skirt," she ordered.

"Not my intention, ma'am."  He knew how much that irritated her.  "You're not bad girl enough for one of us."  She glared.  He smirked.  "By the way, Lord Xander, the, as you called her, evil chick number four, called back for a date."

Xander moaned.  "She's Lex's, not mine."

"She was most happy that you're twins."

Xander looked at him.  "Isn't she on a wanted list somewhere?"

"Quite possibly but Lord Lex does like them naughty."

"There's naughty and then there's evil," Xander complained.  "Let her have Lex if he wants it."

"Very well."  He made that note to First as well.

John walked in followed by his sons.  "Big situation tonight?" Dean asked.

"Lots and lots of vamps who think that the Master is going to rise," Buffy said grimly.  "But no one knows who he is."

Lex strolled in.  "Took him out with a low powered carbon destroying bunker buster bomb."  He smirked.  "So they're killing for the fun of it tonight."  Giles gaped in horror at him.  "If I need to do CPR this time I still can."  Giles just nodded and they went to clear the Bronze of vampires.

Sam looked around.  "Small club, pretty nice looking."

"Buffet," Buffy warned.  "We club hunt though."  She grinned.  "You can help, Sam.  Xander has no rhythm."

"Should've seen me the time I had to strip," Lex quipped.

"Let me guess, all the serial killers in a three county radius came to drool?" Dean asked.

"Six," Lex said proudly.  "And a few agents."

Dean groaned, shaking his head.  "You need better taste."

"Only the deadly like me," he quipped.

"Let's break up to be ready for when the chaos starts," John ordered.  Before Lex passed that ability on to either of his sons.  "Dean, take the east side.  Sam, you and Xander too.  Lex, you, me, and Buffy will be here.  You three, go over by the emergency exit to make sure people get out."

"I can slay," Giles told him.

"You'll be getting any trying to get out," John said.  "They'll rush this exit so the heavier hitters are here and those three can herd."  Giles nodded at that idea.  They moved into position and waited.  "The DJ sucks," John complained.

"He's vamped too so low brain power," Buffy said.  "Stupid minions."  John nodded.  The music screeched and the vamps went to game face, staring at the normal kids.  A few screamed and they got to work.  Over a hundred vampires.  Charming!  And a few coming in to reinforce what was here.

Lex smirked at one.  "Dru," he said.  "You're not supposed to be here for years yet."

"The stars said I should come early," she said with an evil smirk.  "That the kitten is hissing back."

Lex backhanded her then Dean shot her with the crossbow, missing her heart.  She ran screaming.  "Batty seer bitch," he muttered.  "Watch out for Spike, guys."  They nodded.  The vampires were going down.  Most of the normals were cleared.  Xander was moving to get Cordelia out of the way and Jesse was trying to help but she was fighting.  "Xander, knock her ass out," he called.  Xander did that and they carted her outside.  Jesse got swatted by John for thinking about groping but yay.  They got back to it and it was nicer.  Only a few vamps escaped.  Only a few of the kids got injured.  Including Willow and Jesse.  John got them back to the safehouse to clean up the scratches and a bite mark on Willow's shoulder.

First came out.  "We've discovered a bad part in the wards but there's no way around it," he announced.  Everyone stared at him.  "They only work if someone's in the house."

John nodded.  "I don't know how to get around that either for the undead."

"My house?" Willow demanded.  First nodded.  "No!  We have to get them out of there!"

"We can go in the morning, when they're asleep," John ordered.  "It's safer."

"I can't skip school," Willow said, staring at him.

"We can go," Dean said with a nod at his father.  She beamed and handed over her keys.  They settled in with Willow on the couch and Sam taking his turn sitting up to chat with her and make sure nothing tried the house.  "We definitely need more bathrooms," Dean said as he came out waving a hand.  "Dad, your insides stink."

"It happens," John said dryly.

"We're building them this week," First assured him.  They all stared at him.  "We're very good at construction because Lord Lex was."  He smirked and they all got fussed over before bedtime.  Then the Ders made sure they had what they'd need for tomorrow's building spree.  The way it'd end up would be each set of Lords would have a suite.

"They're kinda scary yet efficient," Willow said, watching them plan things.

Sam grinned.  "They're really neat and the mini Dean is adorable."  Dean Der smirked at him for that.

"They're not robotic, are they?" she sighed.  Sam smiled and shook his head.  "How did someone shrink a Xander that way?"

"Draco in Lex's world made them."

"Oh.  So magic?"  Sam nodded.  "Can I do that?"

"Maybe.  Ask them."  She nodded she'd do that in the morning.  She had already given them her school books so they could deal with the home schooling story.  They all settled in and those who were supposed to went to sleep.  Sam could cut school tomorrow.  He had study halls practically all day anyway.

***

John came into the library from Willow's house.  He stared for a moment.  "Where are your parents?"  She shrugged.  "You don't know?"

"On a lecture tour somewhere?  The last time I saw them it was on Good Morning America."

"What about Jesse's parents?"

"His mom's got sleeping issues.  She'll be up for weeks on end and then suddenly sleep for a week or two.  I think she's sleeping this week.  You got used to it and they used to come hang at my house to stay away from Xander's parents."

"That was going to be my next question," he admitted.

"Xander said his mom might be alive and if she is she's in Mexico with his uncle.  His father was found in the morgue's crematorium.   They said it was suicide because he didn't want to have his bail revoked.  My mom had him arrested for cutting Xander and then he showed up after getting bail to beat Xander."

"Huh," he said, considering it.  "So who raised you three?"  Willow slowly raised a hand, looking worried.  "You didn't do a bad job," he admitted.  "Introduce me to Jesse's mother when she wakes up."  She nodded and bounced off happier.  John looked up then at Giles.

"They can become like your own," Giles agreed.  "They're quickly becoming like my own children."

John nodded.  "They're all slightly nicer than Dean too, outside of Lex."

"Well, yes, but Lex told me that they had many battles."

"That's probably why it's safer now."  He settled in to read the paper.  Sam bounced in with lunch.  John looked at his manically grinning son.  "What did you do?"

"Got Xander."  He grinned.  "He and Jesse were trying to prank each other so I pranked them both."

"Fine.  Sit and eat, son.  We've got to do some thinking."

Sam walked over to the book cage, opening the lock by feel and getting into a few books, coming back to hand them to his father.  "He's in those.  I saw the entries."

John took them and put down the paper, looking him up.  "Giles, Lex said the demon we're going after is named Azazel."

Giles cleaned his glasses.  "Those are the most definitive sources but there's some in the Chronicles.  Let me get it for you."  He called England to talk to the head librarian at the Council.  Things started to spit out on his local fax machine, so that was nice of him.

Sam gathered and came back.  "Yup, that's how Mom died," he sighed, handing them over.

John read it over.  "We think that's why he tagged you, to do another try," John said quietly.

Giles looked over.  "Sam, you're one of the ones he chose?"  Sam nodded, staring at him.  "Well, damn."  He went to get another one, handing it over.  "He acts to turn on any gifts that may be in your bloodline."

"That's why he fed me a few drops of demon blood," Sam agreed.

"Yes, that'll do it.  That book has exercises for those that will come out with gifts.  It could help you not lose your mind.  Or damage it.  Because some things can be quite damaging."

"Like?" John asked.

"Visions," Lex said, coming in with a bag.  "Cordelia's were starting to give her brain chemistry changes the last time I scried her."  He sat down, looking at Sam.  "You had visions sent by the demon, not sure if you had regular ones, and you had a touch of TK."

"Telekinesis, interesting," Sam said, looking at that section.  "Exercises to learn control of it."

John looked at his son.  "Other hunters will consider that a bad thing, son."

Sam looked at him.  "Would you rather they just pop out randomly and outside my control?"

"No," he admitted.  "You train them but you keep it absolutely within the family."  Sam nodded.

"Even if something happens, I'm turning this place into a sanctuary," Xander told him.  "The boys are always welcome here, John.  Even if you turn into a bastard hardass."  Lex opened his bag and handed something to John.  "First hates it when we miss meals."

John shook his head.  "They're the fussiest beings ever."

"Well, yeah.  They're mini Xander's."  He smirked.  "Wait until someone gets the flu."

"I'll hide," Sam said with a grin.  "So, Dad, the cleaning?"

"Done."  He looked at Lex.  "Her parents?"

"No clue," he admitted.  "Possibly overseas this trip?"  He shrugged.  "No idea."

Xander walked in pouting.  "Sam, that was mean."

"Dean found stuff that'll eat your clothes," he offered with a grin.

"I need to pump Dean for that stuff," Xander decided.

John whimpered.  "Sorry, bad thought."

Xander shrugged.  "I have no idea if I like boys or not," he said, blushing hard.

Lex looked at him.  "Want that answer or the fun finding out?"  Xander glared at him.  Lex grinned.  "Sure, we'll go clubbing this weekend.  LA?"

"No!  You always pick up bad girls!"  He pouted.  "I like nicer girls, right?"

"They don't like us," Lex told him.  "Or I'd greatly thrill some of them with oral sex."  John swatted him.  "What!"

"No one needs to hear about that."

"Just wait until you meet Anya," Lex said smugly.  Xander shivered, walking out with a bright blush and slumping so no one could see it.  "I've so got to get that boy laid again." He dug in.  "At least we didn't get caught by the praying mantis shape changer."

Giles looked at him.  "Excuse me?  There's one in town?"

"Yeah, Mrs. French, the hotty science sub?  Buffy handled her."

Giles stared at him.  "Why wasn't I told?"

Lex shrugged.  "Ask the girls?"

"I shall."  He gave him an odd look.  "Any others?"

Lex considered it.  "I punched Druscila.  Oh, and we have to get Buffy to look at the real files on Angel."

Giles stared at him.  "What real files?"

"He's in the chronicles."

"I haven't seen....  He's not a hunter, Lex."

"I know that."  He stared at him.  "Dru said hi by the way."

"Druscila?  Scourge of Europe?" Giles demanded.  Lex grinned and nodded.  He went to look her up.  That was clearly a hint.

"Wasn't one of her cohorts named Angelus?" John asked, thinking back.  Lex smirked and tapped his nose.  "Shit.  No way."

"Soul spell," he quipped.

Giles gave him a horrified look and went to look at that account.  He knew that story!  He moaned, shaking his head.  "Dear lord."

"Yeah, and two apocalypse attempts too when he got happies," Lex said dryly.

"Oh, dear."

"Yup."

"Bloody hell that's going to suck."

Lex smirked, taking his lunch with him to go find the gang.  He found Cordelia nagging.  "Shut up, Queen C, or next time we won't save you."

She gaped then looked at Xander.  "You're not twins!" she said in a high-pitched squeaky voice.  He shrugged and grinned.  She passed out.

Lex walked over her and sat down, staring at Buffy.  "You need to look in the chronicles."

"Why?" she asked.  "Another bad thing?"

"Angel's in them."

"What?" she demanded, looking confused.

"We noticed he only shows up at night?" Lex asked.  "That's he's real pale for such a sunny area?"

"He's not," Buffy said firmly.

"He is," Lex said.

"He's not!"  She got up and stomped off.

"Go talk to Giles about it," he called after her.  He looked at Willow.  "She's going to need a girlfriend."  She nodded, finishing up on the way to drop off her tray and then help Buffy calm down.  He looked at his twin.  "Stay away from him," he said quietly.  Xander nodded, stuffing his mouth.

"Should we stake him?" Sam asked.

"No.  The Powers That Be sent him," Lex said dryly.  "He's their champion.  I just don't want to see her as hurt as she was last time when he lost his soul."

Sam winced.  "That's a foul dark magic spell."

"Yup."

"Does Willow have magic?" he asked quietly.

"She got to the scary spot of magic addiction," Lex said quietly.

"Shit," Sam muttered, shaking his head.

"Yeah.  So....  Let's let Draco tutor her."

"Agreed."  They finished up and took their trays in so they could get to their next classes.

Jesse paused in the office.  "Cordelia Chase passed out at Xander's magnificence.  She's going to whine about grass stains."  He walked on while the secretary went to check on her.  "Lex, what happened to Snyder?  We heard so many horror stories through the years."

"He fell down the stairs.  It was sick.  There was brain matter and everything."

"Ewww," Jesse said but he was grinning.  "Why did he fall?"

"I didn't back down at his attempt to badass me."  They shared a look.  "And if he told you 'going to Mexico' was code for dead, he's wrong."  He went back to the library to help look things up.  Buffy was sobbing on Willow's shoulder.  He sighed and squatted down in front of the couch, staring at her.  "It's better you know now, so you can't get too involved," he said quietly.  "Just because he's a champion doesn't mean that his soul can't come unstuck."

"Did it?" she asked, wiping off her cheeks.

Lex nodded.  "You gave him happies."  Buffy blushed.  "For your birthday.  You nearly killed yourself over him, Buffy Summers, and I'd hate to see that."

She nodded.  "Thank you."  She gave him a short hug.  "I need ice cream."

First walked over a bag.  "We thought that talk might be coming soon so we had some stored in your watchers' freezer, Slayer."  She smiled and patted him on the head.  "There's enough there for you and Miss Willow."  He looked at his Lord.  "Should we watch out for him?"

"Yes, but don't kill him.  That'll be messing with the Powers That Be."  First nodded and left them alone.

"The who?" Buffy asked.

"The higher jackasses over the slayers," he said with an evil smirk.

"Yay," she said flatly, eating some of the ice cream sandwich.  Willow had hers too.  "This so sucks."

"Yeah, it kinda does, but better warned than to have him suddenly turn some night.  Or kill Miss Calendar.  Or try to end the world twice."  She winced.  Lex nodded.  "Yeah, so let's not do that if possible?"

She ate a bite.  "I can do that.  Any other words of wisdom?"

"There's a guy named Riley at the college.  He's a weenie who's part of a government program to use demons as grunts and assassins.  They get off on torturing them to figure them out."  John dropped the book he was reading and Giles dropped his glasses.  He looked down at her.  "Don't date the commando?"

"Yeah, not an issue."

"Stay away from Dru and Spike.  They're powerful and she's a seer but can screw with your mind.  She did it to Giles once."  Buffy winced.  "Spike's her baby and caretaker.  Angelus drove her insane when he turned her.  Spike's killed two slayers and he's a really good fighter.  Dru killed the one that comes after you in my world."

"Good to know," she agreed.

"Do we know anything about Darla?" Giles asked calmly.

"School girl outfit wearing bad girl?"

"I got her," Buffy said with a grin.

"Yup.  I'm pretty sure you did."  He smirked and walked over.  "They're under the college," he told John.  "Mostly army."

"Fuck that shit," Dean Der said.  "I remember you scrying them."

Lex nodded.  "Yup, I remember getting sick and that says something after everything I've seen."  He sat down, looking at John.  "So I'll leave that to your daddy marine good sense?"

"Gladly," he assured him with a smirk.  "Can we draw it here?"

"Azazel?  Yeah.  Well, slightly.  We'll have to summon him here.  He can't get past the hellmouth's barrier."  He smirked.  "So Sam's very safe here."

"Good."  John nodded.  "I might have to go out of town to lead it away."

Lex smirked.  "He's keeping track of you anyway, John.  That's why almost everyone Sammy's ever known is gone."  He stared at him.  "Down to teachers and things."  John shuddered.  "But right now he's hunting for his next version, which will be born when Sam's about twenty-five."

"Another plan in case this one gets stopped," John said.  Xander nodded.  "You said bloodline gifts earlier."

"I did."

"Why?"

"Because he has to have a way to hook them and why go for a mundane as his heir?"

"Good point."

The principal walked in.  "Harris, you're supposed to be in class."

"I'm in class."  He grinned.  "I'm actually learning genealogy work from Mr. Winchester.  That way I can find anyone normal in my families."

"I meant science.  Let's go."  Lex smirked and got up, letting the principal take him to class, where Xander was.   "Um.... hmm.  Xander?" he called, getting his attention.  The boy groaned but grabbed his things and came out.  He stared.  "Why are there two of you?"

Xander pointed at First.  "More than two of us."  He grinned.  "They're Lex's Army of Der.  They take really good care of us and make dinner and things."

The principal looked down.  "Hi, Principal Flutey," First said with a grin.  "How's it hanging?"

Principal Flutey passed out.  "Everyone always seems to pass out at my feet," Lex and First muttered, then shared a smirk.

Xander opened the classroom door.  "Principal Flutey just passed out."  He shut the door and looked over but Lex and First were gone.  He sighed, going back to his seat while the teacher handled it.  They liked the guy, he was neat enough.  And he scheduled zoo trips.

***

On the promised school trip that Xander had bounded around about for six days Lex spotted the bad thing happening and sighed.  He looked at Dean Der, who was on his shoulder.  "Do we stop the inevitable?"

"Sam went too," First said when he joined them.  "What do you want to do, Lord Lex?"

"She was always helpful to me."  He called John to come get them at school later that night.  John asked why but Lex didn't answer.  They all felt the magic go off and went to corral the pack.  He spotted Harry and Draco, nodding them that way to herd the new pack.  Draco sneered.  "She was always good for me," Lex said quietly.

"It was nice when you nuzzled and kneaded," Harry said with a grin.  They watched and made sure that Xander made it out all right with Sam.  They were snuffling and looking at their pack.  Sam clearly found most of them unworthy.  They herded them back to the bus and the pack followed Xander.  Sam was sniffing everyone.  Harry smiled and scratched behind Sam's ear.  "Good Kitty Sam."  He grinned.  "I know she's a nice hyena and they're fabulous hunters."  The rest of the students started to show up so Harry and Draco left.  Both Ders subtly snuck onto the bus and Lex followed them back considering things.  How far to let them go?  They clearly couldn't let the pack eat the principal.  Flutey wasn't *too* bad.  The pig....  Well....  He wasn't sure.  He walked in and found John had locked the whole pack in the book cage.  Lex smirked.  "She was always very good for me."

John stared at him.  "You did what?" he demanded.

"The same thing they did.  Stepped into the mystical diagram at the hyena house."

John growled.  "Seriously?"

"Yeah, but she's always been very protective of me.  She's been very helpful.  Gave me a lot better survival instincts and all that.  She's a third of the reason I'm the man I am today.  Xander should have that but not like I did."

John huffed.  "And Sam?"

"They were chasing a bullied kid to help him."

"Crap," John muttered.  "So his noble instincts...."

"And mine," Lex agreed with a grin.  "I kept her.  The rest of the pack may or may not have.  Not totally sure."

"Everyone does," Giles said.

"And yet we know that other possessions don't always stick," Lex and John said.  John stared at him.

"Halloween.  Not this year."  He grinned.  "I'll let that one happen too, because it was mostly good for me.  We'll just have to make plans to keep the little demons from going insane."

John walked him off by his arm to find out what he meant.  That wasn't safe for his boys but when he heard why, it was a good reason.  They could find a way to protect the kids too.  Maybe tranquilizer darts or something?  Sleep gas grenades?  For now they had to get the hyenas out of the pack.  They came back and found the principal huffing.

"Why are they locked up?" he demanded.

John let Sam out, keeping the others in there.  Sam came out and sniffed the principal, then chattered at him, staring him down.

"What's wrong with him?" he demanded.

"Something at the zoo infected him," John said, catching Sam's collar before he could lunge at the older man.

The principal stared at him.  "I'm not that unknowing, Mr. Winchester.  We like blinders around here but not everyone can have total ones."  He looked at Lex.  "The same as Snyder fell down the stairs after talking to you or your twin."

"He did," Lex agreed with a grin.  "He was talking to me and I refused to play his game and be scared of him.  He was in cahoots with Wilkins actually.  Trying to intimidate all the kids into easier food sources."  Flutey grimaced and shook his head.  "So yeah, he turned, ran, and tripped over his feet.  I was going to turn him into the Feds for his crap."

"Oh, dear."  He looked at them then at Winchester.  "What happened?"

"Some zookeeper had delusions of being a shaman.  Wanted to have a spirit joining," John said dryly.  Sam was sniffing him.  "Sam, I'm your father."  Sam chattered and chuffed a few times.  He handed him to Lex.

"You can't eat your dad or me," Lex said, petting Sam to keep him calm.  He heard the higher pitched cackle and looked.  "Out, girls, now!"  They ran.  He looked at the principal.  "In truth, I'm Xander from an alternate plane.  In mine, you would've died tomorrow."  The principal gave him a horrified look.  Lex pointed at the pack.  "Buffy had me locked up but the pack... after the new mascot pig...."

"Oh, dear," he said, backing away.

Lex nodded.  "So we're going to mitigate what we can so Sunnydale is safer.  Xander's my nicer half and I'd do anything to protect him.  Last time, I blew open every single vampire sanctuary space during a battle that happened at our graduation."  Flutey swallowed.  "That was Wilkin's plan though.  It's ended."

"Thank heavens."  Flutey looked at John.  "You're clearly not average."

"No, I'm a hunter."

"Excellent."

"We're looking at him as daddy support," Lex said with a grin.  "He does a really good job and keeps me from making evil plans to take over the town so it'll be totally safe."

Flutey nodded, looking at John.  "Good luck."  He looked at Xander.  "Pass the test or go to class, Harris."

"You can't prove I'm not a myth."

"We have you on surveillance cameras," he shot back with a smirk.  "I made sure."

"I knew there was a spell I forgot to do again," he said dryly.  "I can pass the test.  The education here isn't the greatest."  Flutey knew that so he nodded.  "We can do better."

"Maybe."

"Who's going to stop you?" John asked.

"Good point.  Everyone who was dirty to Wilkins is gone."  Sam was sniffing Lex's shoulder and lapping it.  "He's going to bite."

"Probably but that's okay.  I like Sam."  He grinned.  "The whole army of Der loves Sam."  Flutey whimpered, shaking his head as he walked out.  "Two days," Lex called after him.  He made Sam look at him.  "Mate mark me when you're back to normal, Sam.  Not in front of your dad."  Sam growled.  Lex lapped him back, getting happy noises.

"Let's work on the depossession," Giles decided.  "Before we see pack claiming rituals."

John pulled out holy water and started with Sam.  When it didn't work on him he tried one of the normal kids in the pack.  It worked for them but they were all still clearly feeling their taint.  John found a book and did a better one on Sam and Xander, who were surrounding Lex to sniff him.

Buffy leaned in.  "Can we come in?"

"No.  A hyena would see you as a threat and either try to make you submit or try to run you off," Lex told her.

"Oh, okay."  She walked off again.  She'd ask Willow what that meant.  Then she had to keep Willow from going to help Xander.  "John has it."

She sighed but nodded.   "He can do all that stuff."  The principal spotted them and walked toward them.  "Hi, Principal Flutey."

"Girls."  He smirked.  "We should talk, Miss Summers."  She sighed but they followed him to his office.  He locked them in there.  "Unlike some, I do know a bit about what goes on around here."  He stared at her.  "Mr. Giles is not the first Brit to come work for this school system and he's not all that subtle either.  The book cage proves that."  She winced.  "Are you the current slayer?"

"Yes," she said quietly.  "You knew?"

"Some.  It seems very odd when British citizens with high degrees and great jobs want to come work in Sunnydale's poor system.  So I had a few friends do some checking."  Willow winced.  He stared at her.  "I want it out of my school.  No fighting here.  If something happens, you can handle it but do not draw it here."

"I'd never do that," she said.

"Good."  He smiled.  "Does your mother know?"

"She'd freak out majorly.  Worse than she did when I had to burn down a gym full of vampires."

Flutey stared at her.  "So that's why."  She grimaced but nodded.  "All right.  Your little...hunting club can keep using the library.  You keep things down and quiet around the school.  You should tell your mother though.  She's a kind woman, she'll understand."

"I doubt that and I hate pills."

He smirked.  "Then show her, Miss Summers."  She shook her head and walked off with Willow following her.  "She's going to find out," he called after them.

Lex looked up from being hyena cuddled when Buffy walked in.  Xander got up to sniff her and growled, chattering laughter until Buffy backed up.  He lunged and John stopped him, handing him to Lex.  Sam was tensing to pounce so Dean Der knocked him down and sat on him, staring down at him.  "No," Dean ordered.  Sam looked so confused but sniffed, then lapped his hair.  "I know, I look like a cub."  He settled in on his brother's chest, getting comfy.  "What's up, Miss Buffy?" Dean Der asked.

"Flutey knew?"

"Knew what?" John asked.

"That anytime a Brit came in to work here, a special girl showed up too," Buffy said dryly, looking at Giles.

"Well, duh," Dean Der told her.  "Why would a guy who has museum and high degree credentials become a librarian unless he's in disgrace, escaping, or has plans.  Hunting would point out the wrongness of that situation fast."

"Excuse me, he knows?" Giles demanded.  Buffy nodded.  "Oh, dear."

"He wanted her to tell her mother," Willow said.  She moved closer to John so she could pet Dean Der.  Sam bit her.  She yelped and moved out of the way.  "Hey!  No with the teeth!" she ordered.  She was going to throw something at him but stopped when she saw the glowing light.  "Ohmygod, what's that!" she demanded, trying to shake it off.

"Magic," John said.  He did not look happy.

"But I didn't do anything magicy!" she demanded.  "I don't have a wand!  I didn't say funny words!  Nothing!"

"Did you talk to any demons?" John asked.

"No!  Eww!"

"We never could figure out why she had magic," Lex told him.  "Especially not strong magic like she grew."   John stared at him so he shrugged.  "She did.  She closed the stupid hole, fixed the 'us' problem once from a hospital bed after a short coma."  He stared at him.  "Draco could mentor her through the wand stuff."

John considered it.  "It'd be safer."

"But magic is fantasy stuff, not real stuff," Willow complained.  Lex pulled his wand and changed her into a hamster, which Sam reached over to play with.  He changed her back after a long glare from John and Giles, and a cleared throat from Giles; it made her pouty.  "Fine, it's not all fantasy stuff."  She swatted at Sam because he was poking her looking very confused.  "I'll talk to Draco?"

"Please do.  The formal education will help a lot, Willow."  She nodded with a sigh.  Buffy yelped when Sam shifted and pulled her down to sniff.  "Sam!" Lex complained.  Xander moved to pounce her too.  John hauled her up and gave her and Willow a shove, letting them escape while they got the two matriarchs settled down.  They tried to intimidate John but it didn't work.  Giles they made flee when they were making hunting noises while stalking him.  Lex just whistled and petted them, getting more sniffs.  He let his taint come forward and Xander huffed but they settled down.

John shook his head.  "This town is going to drive me nuts."

"There's an alternate way to get them out of mediums," Giles told him from the safety of the check-in desk.

"Huh?" John asked.

"If he kept memories that strongly, he's got some gifts toward being a medium."

Harry appeared in a pop of air.  "He does."  He banished the two younger hyena spirits, getting horrified looks from their respective people.  Lex let his draw back into his head.  "We felt an unusual wave of magic?"

Dean Der snorted.  "Willow nearly thumped Sam for biting her."

"We think the structure you and Draco learned would do her better than letting her have a free access pass to stealing books this time," Lex said.

Harry nodded.  "Draco could tutor her a bit.  She'd need a wand."  Lex nodded.  "Huh, she can possibly start there."  He left to talk to Draco about that.  Draco knew where the local magic areas were.  So far they hadn't heard anything about a search for Harry over here.  So Draco could take her most likely.  Even though he sneered about it.  A scroll appeared in front of them.  They picked it up to read over what Willow had become.  Draco decided he could make sure he tamed her.  There would be no magically addicted Willow who created *mistakes* of magic.  Or apocalypses.  He'd test her later for wand use.  If not, he knew the intricate balances of the natural arts.  He had learned the darker side of those from his mother.  The structure and the vow to paddle her like a house elf if she stepped one step into darkness would help her.

*** (sent to list to here)

Sam looked at his father, then at Xander, then at Lex.  "I'm, um, sorry, guys."

"It's not your fault you tripped into that mystical circle," Lex said dryly.  "I did the same thing once upon a time."  He grinned.  Xander moaned.  "She was important in my life and helped me a lot.  So I wasn't about to stop you, Xander."

"I get that."  He flopped down.  Willow came out of Harry and Draco's room.  "Get anything?"

"She can barely use a wand but she shows a good current for the more rigid structures of the natural medium paths," Draco said.  "We'll be tutoring her in that to make sure she doesn't slip."  Harry handed John the scroll.  "We let her read that as well."

John read it and nodded.  "That's a good reason, Draco."  He looked at her.  "One step into darkness," he warned.  She nodded, looking down.  "Good.  Now, your parents are home."  She grimaced.  "I'll drive you since it's night."  She nodded, grabbing her bookbag and coat so he could drive her home for dinner.  Her mother opened the door, giving her a dirty look.  John got out.  "Mrs. Rosenburg, I'm John Winchester.  I'm a distant relation of Xander's.  I and my boys moved here to help him."

"Oh."  She smiled.  "That's good you've been looking out for our daughter as well.  Has she been any problem?"

"No, ma'am.  She's very good and helped my son Sam with the studying stuff.  My older one's just graduated."  He smiled.  "The boys wanted to make sure she got home all right."

"That's fine.  The boys do dote on her.  I'm hoping one day we'll see a wonderful engagement and wedding."

John nodded.  "You never know where fate'll lead you," he agreed with a smile.  "They'll see you tomorrow, Willow."

"Of course they will.  We have a math test," she said dryly.  John smirked and got into the truck.  Willow went in to talk with her parents so she could find out where they had been.  "John came over to help when someone broke into the house too," she told her father when he was still scowling.  "Someone called Xander's to tell him that someone was breaking in so he came to stomp on them."

"That's good of him," his father decided.  "What does he do?"

"Right now he's helping Mr. Giles in the library.  I'm not sure if he's settled in permanently or not."  He nodded.  "Sam likes the school.  Said it's easier."  She shrugged.

"We'll meet your new friends this weekend," her mother said.  "There's a teen picnic."

"I know," Willow said with a grin.  "You can meet Buffy too.   Her mom opened the art gallery."

"I saw that.  It had some nice pieces," Willow's mother agreed.  They settled in to eat dinner together, as the family dictated.  Then Willow went to study for math.  "Dear, is Jesse's mother up?" she called.

"Not that I know of.  Jesse had dinner with Xander and John's boys," she called back.

"That's reasonable.  It's good there's another reasonable adult to help us."  She went back to finish the dishes.

Her father came in to check on her.  "Why are you reading that?" he demanded.

She used the lie Dean had given her for when they asked.  "It's bending physics rules and if I can figure out how and why it'll help me find a good way to explain it to Xander and Jesse.  It's also got how some comics bend the rules of physics.  Since both boys think in that instead of straight logic, it's easier."

"That will ruin your mind and theirs."

"Xander's grades are up again," she said.  "Even in English."  He grimaced.  "He's still not getting letters in math but he's doing better this year."

"There should be special classes so you don't have to ruin your own education," he complained.

"Xander's not that slow, Father," she said firmly.  "He might be slightly dyslexic but that's easily cured and I'm the one who taught him to read since no one else would."  He backed down at that.  She was starting to sound like her mother again apparently.  "If the only way I can get them to understand physics is to work on comic book principles and then teach them how they're warped, then so be it."  He left her alone.  She huffed and went back to reading the magical theory book Draco had leant her.

Her mother came in wiping her hands on her dish towel.  "Dear, did we need to have a talk about girl hormones?" she asked gently.

Willow looked at her.  "We had that two years ago when it started, Mom."

"Oh.  Hmm.  I didn't remember that."  She stared at the book and sneered.  "Why are you reading that filth?"

"Because I have to explain it to Xander and Jesse.  That's how they're getting physics.  I can put it into this and comic language and they get it suddenly."

"Oh, I hadn't expected that."  She considered it.  "The non-traditional explanations would work better for those two I suppose.  They're forever ruining their minds with comics."

"Mom, feel lucky I got Xander to read."

"Fine."  She patted her on the cheek.  "You let me know if you need things, dear."  She walked off.

Willow shook her head.  Her mother had some funny mind disease, she knew she and her father both did.  She was hoping it wasn't genetic or contagious.

***

Willow came home the next day in a royally crappy mood.  School had been a bitch today.  All the bullies had been out and trying to pick on her for having brains and Cordelia had gotten onto her about her fluffy sweater again.  So she was not a happy camper.  She was already scowling and looking like a pissed off Willow.

"Dear, we should talk about girl things," her mother said.

Willow snorted.  "Mother, I know more about sex things than you do," she said bluntly.  Her mother gasped.  "Not only from the health department, which is where I learned it all, but from having to listen to the brainless patrol get it wrong.  For that matter, we had that talk two years ago too."  Her mother started to sniffle.  "I don't know why you don't remember it.  You nearly threw a party that I started my period."  She stomped off.

"It's just hormones, dear," her husband said, patting her on the shoulder.  "All teens act out."

"How would you know?" Willow demanded, coming back.  "I see you two maybe a month out of every year.  It's not like you live with a teenager.  Or else I wouldn't have had to confuse and confound social workers for the last three years."  They both gave her horrified looks.  "Me being really smart doesn't count in this state.  It goes by age."  She stared at them.  "It's a great thing that Jesse's mom is available when she's awake and now we have Mr. Winchester to do dad things.  Because otherwise I'd never get good advice on why boys hate me."  She got herself a snack and walked off again.  "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go reevaluate my personal sense of style so I quit being hounded by slutty cheerleaders who believe they rule the world because they have money."  She went back to her room and slammed the door.

Her father stomped in there.  "You do not...."

Willow stared at him and he froze.  She calmed down the accidental magic on her way to her desk.  She handed him the papers.  "This is the most recent one.  Notice the date?"   He glared.  "By the way, Father."  She pulled out paperwork.  "She decided I should talk to the judge about a few things."  She held up that other paperwork.  It had the judgement.  He snatched it to read and glared at her.  "That was not my doing.  She pushed it so they could quit coming here to nag me about being alone.  The judge said if it was anywhere but Sunnydale, including where he used to work, you'd be in jail."  He stomped off with it.  A minute later her mother started to wail.  So Willow called the temple and their rabbi to come calm her mother down.

"You are not an adult," her mother sneered from the doorway.

"The judge said I am."  She looked at her.  "And that's only a copy of the paperwork.  He filed it and with the school when the social worker insisted.  I was really confused why the social worker was having me talk with him until he told me."  She stared at her.  "The rabbi's on his way.  He called him too."  Her mother slapped her and Willow glared.  "Mother, don't try that again."  Her mother tried to hit her again so Willow ducked and channeled the magic.  Her mother froze.  Willow stared at her and sighed.  "How did I do that?" she complained.  She called.  "John, I could use some parental help.  Because I just time stopped the house I think.  The rabbi's on his way over.  Please, thank you."  She hung up and Harry appeared.

He tipped her face up to look at the bruise.  "Some ice, Willow."  She nodded, going to do that.  He looked at the frozen woman, who was giving him horrified looking eyes.  "I'm Harry, ma'am.  I'm helping tutor her in that gift."  He unfroze the parents.  Then he stared at her.  "We've recently uncovered that gift of hers.  So myself and my friend, both of whom went to school for it, are tutoring her.  You just upset her enough that it came out without meaning to."

"Who are you?" she sneered.

"Harry."  He smiled.  "We're getting protected because someone wanted to treat me like Xander so I'd win a war for them.  Pity they didn't count on Xander hearing and telling me."  Someone knocked and Willow let them in, then shouting started in Yiddish.  He smiled.  "I believe that's your rabbi, ma'am."  She stomped off.  Willow slunk back in.  "Yelling at you?"

"I just got looks like I'm the most evil thing ever."

"I can introduce them to Voldemort," he offered.   She smiled weakly and shook her head.  He looked at her.  "What happened?"

"It was a day of bullies then I came home to the ones that occasionally live here."

"I can understand that.  Why were they picking on you today?"

"Cordelia and her sheep got onto my comfy, fluffy sweater.  The other bullies about my brains.  The usual," she sighed as she sat at her desk.

He patted her on the arm.  "Draco was born royal, Willow.  He helped his mother shop and knows quite a lot about impression management."  She beamed at him.  "You can ask him later."  He cast an ignore me spell when someone came their way.

"I saw you the other day, Potter," the rabbi complained.  "I also heard why they want you back."

Harry looked at him.  "Because they created a damaged pawn and decided it was a bad thing to leave alone?"  The rabbi smiled and nodded.  "That's why I'm here."

"Good.  There's something bad here in town but it'll cover your tracks."

"It's under the library," Willow quipped.  "It's called a hellmouth.  It's a space/time rip."

"Oh, dear.  I know what that is," he sighed.  He looked at Willow.  "They're adamant that you're now evil."

She nodded.  "That's why the house is in my name.  Once I was legal, my trust fund from my grandmother kicked in and the house was turned over to me instead of the trustees."

He smiled, going to tell them that.  They were shrieking and unhappy.

Willow walked out to get into her father's office, holding up the papers.  "It's in her will, Father.  The judge knew I had a trust somewhere and went looking.  They decided this problem, as he called it, had gone on long enough."  She put down the papers.  "The house is in my name and the trust pays for the taxes.  It apparently has since I was six and she died."  She looked at both parents.

"I'm not mean but I'm not going to be bullied and coerced by you two any longer.   You're barely ever home.  You've violated your own principles and the ones in your books.  For that matter, the judge said you violated your oaths."  She stared at her mother.  "He thought it was a very bad thing that I knew how to do stitches.  Even if it had helped it wasn't mentally healthy that no one had stopped his parents earlier.  Which your medical oath says you have to by law."

She looked at her father.  "You can learn to treat me as I am, which would be really nice, I'd like to be a daughter again instead of some clinical subject you sit down with one month a year, or you can go on a long damn trip."  She walked off.  "I'm tired of bullies.  It's been a day of bullies.  I reached my point of 'damn it' as Jesse's mother calls it."  She stared at the rabbi.  "Please mediate.  I'll be in my room sulking."  She went back in there and shut the door.   Plus turned on music so she wouldn't have to hear the yelling the rabbi was doing at them.

***

Willow showed up with John Winchester the next day at the judge's office.  "I need a bit of help," she told the judge.

"For what, Miss Rosenburg?"

"My parents finally showed back up and had a very bad reaction to the news."  She sat in front of his desk.

"I can see the bruise."

She touched it, tipping her head so her hair shielded it.  "No, that was the lighter version of the bad reaction.  We had to get the rabbi in, and he about had them thrown out of Judaism."  She sighed.

"The house is in your name."

"They have some of her trust held in another account," John told him, handing over the notes he had helped her get from the bank.  Well, they had distracted someone while one of the mini Der had hacked.

He read it and nodded.  "Did it come from your trust?"  She handed over the paperwork on that.  "I see it was funded right after your trust."

"All I want is what's mine," she said.  "And them to go far, far away until they decide to be parents again."

"I can agree with that but I'd rather they stay away.  It can only drag you down, Willow."  He called their lawyer.  The parents had one, everyone knew that.  He came over to go over the situation.  The Rosenburgs were in his office already trying to undo things.  The lawyer went back to tell them there was no way out and she had found out about the 'wedding fund' and the 'college funds' that had been taken out of her trust.   He brought them back to argue.  It was nice Willow was acting in her own stead.

It made the lawyer confident but the judge knew she could argue her way around him easily.  He was shocked when he started to agree with the daughter instead of his clients.  So she was going to win.  The judge agreed and put them back into her trust and helped her set up what was needed.  Including a restraining order at John's request - one decent parent against an idiot set.

Jesse's mother got called in as well and she showed up to give her opinion on them going away forever and ever.  She thought it was mean and glared at Willow but the judge told her why.  She told him what had happened in the past and how manipulating the Rosenburgs could be so you agreed with their ideas.  Including that they complained about *everything* their daughter did that wasn't straight A's and other problems.

So Willow became a free woman.  The parents decided to leave town.   Jesse's mother assured her she'd be watching over her as well.  She had wanted a daughter.  Willow hugged her and introduced John to her, so they could get to know each other.  They had similar outlooks, even if Jesse's mother liked to ignore things she couldn't handle.  John wasn't that sort and assured her he had Xander well in hand now with his boys.  That eased a lot of worries and the judge agreed that Xander's paperwork John had was legal, even if the late judge hadn't filed it.  So he did.  Then it was all set.

***

Willow smiled at Draco that night.  "I have three hundred dollars in my savings account right now."  Draco nodded, looking confused.  "Harry said you know how to make people look ...less like the cheerleaders would pick on me?" she asked hopefully.  "I'd ask Buffy but she's a bit... well she wears shorts skirts and I don't.  And tops I'd never dare to wear."

Draco smirked.  "We can make you look nicer."  She beamed at him.  He let her walk him to the mall, which he decided he loathed.  It was loud, too bright, and had too many girls in slutty clothes.  But he got her things he could see her in.  It was classical and looked nicer.

One girl in the store with them snorted and sneered.  "Even if she wore designer things, she'd still be a failure at getting boys to look at her."

Willow shrugged.  "Why would I need one right now?  I have more important things to do with my life than being a teen mother, Harmony."  Harmony stomped off.  She sighed, looking at Draco.

"There's things to help with your temper too," he said dryly.  He helped her get what she needed to look like the women he saw on those movie things that didn't look like sluts.  And pants because she insisted she couldn't wear a skirt every day.  Even though his mother would never *dare* to think about wearing pants, it was the muggle world and the women all wore pants.  Especially jeans.

***

Buffy looked at Willow the next morning.  "You look nice," she said with a grin.  "Mom, doesn't Willow look nice?"

"That's very classical," she agreed with a smile.  "Very good choice, Willow."  Willow beamed at them.  "Though, your hair needs some help."  She pulled her over to the car and did it for her.  "There, that's better."  She grinned.  "Now go to class, girls."  They ran off chatting.  She smiled and went to talk to this new parent in the group.  She had met Jesse's mother recently and wanted to meet John.  Mrs. McNally had said they were having coffee today to plan for the boys' holiday sleepovers.  She smiled, sitting down beside her fellow parents.  "Joyce Summers."

"John Winchester," he said, shaking her hand.  "I've met Buffy a few times."

She smiled.  "She's enough to drive you nuts at times but she's mostly a good girl."

John smirked.  "My older son Dean likes to pick on her skirt habit."

"I'd like them to be longer," she said dryly.  Jesse's mother laughed.  "She's a very trendy girl and I understand that.  Whichever one of you helped Willow did a fantastic job as well."

"Some friends of the boys' are in from England and one of them did," John said with a smile.  "Draco's very image oriented as well."

Joyce smiled.  "Any chance of him making my daughter quit being such a club girl?"  Jesse's mother choked but was laughing.

"He calls most modern women sluts," John admitted.  "He's from a very conservative area and Harry keeps trying to explain modern women to him."

Both mothers smiled at him.  "Willow needed it," Jesse's mother said.

John nodded.  "The night all that fighting started, Willow had been bullied by the cheerleaders again."

"That figures.  That Chase girl is evil when she wants to be," Joyce sighed.

"She's got some depth she's still finding," John said.  "She and your daughter ended up working together on something and didn't scratch out eyes or anything."

"That's good.  Because I'm not sure if my daughter can do more than girl fight."

John nodded.  "I've had her working with my boys and I taught them both self defense at a young age.  My Sam's a lot like Willow and Dean's a lot like Xander.  Though Sam has the temper of the universe at the moment."

Joyce sighed and nodded.  "Her too.  Jesse?"

"Not so much," she admitted with a smile.  "If he want to throw boy fits, he tends to do that at Xander."  She sipped her coffee.  "Did you want to host some of the roving madness the boys get into over the holidays?"

"I can.  I can ask Buffy if she wants to throw a party or anything."

"That might help," John agreed.  "The boys already have much too much energy and Xander's been bouncing around all day because the only non-evil girl in town talked to him."

Joyce laughed.  "Seriously?"

John nodded.  "He only draws bad girls."

"Aww."

"His last one had a knife habit."

Both mothers stared at him.  John nodded.  "Well, I know Buffy's too good to attract him then," Joyce quipped.  "She hates weapons."

"She liked learning how to sharpen knives with Dean the other day," John offered.  He'd work her up to the real knowledge of her daughter's duty slowly so she wasn't shocked enough to have a heart attack when she heard.

"Huh, I didn't know that."  She sipped her coffee.  "We should get the kids together some weekend so they can be teenagers.  It'll keep Buffy out of the mall and let Willow and she do some girl things."

Jesse's mother nodded.  "The girl things would drive my son nuts but I can see them getting together for a girl weekend while the boys went to do boy things in the woods."

"Not until I figure out why I saw commandos in the woods," John told her.  "I don't want them to run into trouble by accident."

Jesse's mother stared at him.  "They did?"

"Yup.  I saw a whole team out there training in the woods.  That's not safe for the boys to stumble onto.  Since I know they're not from the reserve base, I have no idea why they were local.  There's too much chance the boys will run into problems."  She nodded.  "Oh, what's with their thing about exploring?"

"The boys have been all over this town with Willow," Jesse's mother told him.  "Xander's parents were dirtbags."

"Willow's were absent or controlling from what I heard," Joyce said.

"That's their two modes," Jesse's mother agreed dryly.  "They didn't want children.  Then she appeared and fortunately was really smart."  She sipped her coffee.  "What did they find this time?  Last time they found a hidden stash from an old bank robbery.  The mayor was very pleased and they got their picture in the paper."

"I'm not totally sure but Dean was groaning about it.  Who do I talk to if it is something?  I know the local PD is inactive to put it nicely."

"The new mayor's not bad," Jesse's mom said.

Joyce shook her head.  "He seemed a bit...slimy," she admitted.  "We had lunch when I moved here over my business license and he was hitting on me badly.  My divorce wasn't final at that time but he assumed I was an easy slut, which I'm not.  It horrified him greatly when I said no.  He tried to turn down my business license until I told him I had taped some of his comments."

"The last one got taken by some agents," Jesse's mother sighed.  "Apparently he had covered up for a lot of bad things."  She finished her coffee.  "Joyce, did you want to throw a party?"

"Maybe a movie night to start?  We have a nice tv.  I can make snacks?"  She smiled.  "That way we can chaperone easily from the kitchen?"  The parents nodded.  She smiled at John.  "Your older son could come too if the kids wanted."

"I think Buffy's crushing hard on Dean," he said with a grin.  "She's mostly a good girl though so I don't mind.  Dean's not serious relationship minded so they flirt.  She's gotten better."  Joyce snickered, shaking her head.  "Next weekend?  That's right after the huge history test I've heard complaints about."

"That'll work," Joyce agreed, looking at Jesse's mother, who nodded but yawned.  She smiled.  "If Jesse needs to, he's more than welcome to my couch as well," she said gently.  Jesse's mother smiled back and nodded.  "Go rest.  I've got to open the gallery.  Have a good day, John."  She shook hands and walked off.

"She's a very nice but firm mother," Jesse's mother said with another yawn.  "Let me go sleep.  I'll talk to you when I get up, John."

"Sure.  I'll watch over the kids."  She smiled and left.  He got another cup of coffee and made plans to find a job.  Since it looked like he'd be local for a while.  The demon was out of present range but they had a good plan to draw him locally so they could end him.  And he'd have help from his boys and Buffy.

***

Joyce looked up from making snacks for the kids, letting Sam carry them off with a grin for her.  She put down her spatula once the ham pieces were flipped and looked at John.  "I had the misfortune of seeing my daughter the other night when I ran out for a treat."

John nodded, sitting at the table.  "Make sure those don't burn and I'll tell you what I can."

She finished the snacks and brought them out then came back to sit across from him.  "What was my daughter doing with your younger son?" she asked quietly.  "I saw her be jumped and then suddenly there was no person attacking them."

John nodded.  "They're kinda rampant around here.  That's why there's so many disappeared people."

"Why is she doing that?"  He sighed.  "You can't tell me?"

"No, I can but it's not really my story to tell."  He stared at her.  "I'm in an ...associated field.  I found out about her when Xander and Lex came to talk to my boys about something."

"Lex?"

"You haven't seen him yet."  He grimaced.  "Kids, we're running out for ice cream," he called.  "Behave."

"Yes, Dad," Dean called back.

He got her out to his truck and to where Lex was off patrolling tonight since Buffy was off with Giles' knowledge.  He helped her stalk Lex, who probably realized it.  If not, his patrol unit of Ders did.  One of them gave him a pointed look.  She gasped when the vampire went whoosh, making Lex stare at them.  "You never met Joyce?"

"I met my Joyce a lot.  She was the good mother of the group."   He grinned.  "Hi, I'm Lex."

She stared at him.  "Xander?"

"Not from here, but yeah."

"Um...."  She pointed at the dust.  "What's that?"

He looked then at her.  "Vampire."  He walked her off, telling her about things while John and the Ders guarded them.  They ended up at the library with Giles.  Who was flustered but Joyce was insistent.  She had heard rumors about her daughter hanging out with an older, scummy pervert sort in LA before that 'fire' incident.  This explained quite a lot off odd rumors about her daughter.

On the way back, John made sure they got ice cream.  Joyce was still thinking hard and wasn't really moving all that much.  They walked in and John tossed Dean the ice cream bars, getting a nod and a grin back.  Then Lex walked in and Buffy winced.  John nodded they were right to wince.

Joyce paused the movie, looking at her daughter.  "I went out for brownies two nights ago."

Buffy groaned, covering her face with her hands.  "Mom, what did you see?"

"More than I wanted to but less than I did tonight."  Buffy glared at Lex, who pointed at John.

"She asked me," John said.  "This way you can quit using Dean as an excuse for being late for curfew."

Joyce stared at her daughter.  "You're doing what?" she demanded.

"Not like I have a choice and I can retire," she said grimly.  She leaned back.  "Did you take her to talk to Giles too?" she asked them.  Getting dual nods back she sighed.  "I wanted to retire when I got here and then I found out that I'm still called so I still have a duty.  And it's really sucky, Mom."

"Buffy..."  She sighed, staring at her.  "I can't pretend to understand how you're handling this."

"She's a soldier, the same as we who hunt are," Lex said.  "I keep Xander from everything but the worst apocalypses.  Willow and Jesse too."  Joyce nodded at that.  "I can't tell you it's a good, happy making thing, Mrs. Summers, but it's necessary and she didn't have a choice."

"I heard that.  What about now?" she demanded.

"We can stop her heart, do CPR, and get another called; she'll still be a slayer.  Just not the only one."

Joyce sat down, staring at her daughter.  "Sorry?" Buffy asked sheepishly.  "Surprise?" she said when her mother shook her head, getting a nod that time.  Dean handed over an ice cream bar.  "I didn't want you to know, Mom.  The more you know the more you'll be able to be hurt.  We did protections around the house to make sure no one could hurt you."

"Yes, I did," John agreed.

"I helped Draco with some," Willow chirped in.

"A unit of the mini Xander looking Ders go with us each night we patrol," Sam told her.  "We're as safe as we can be, Mrs. Summers."

She looked at him.  "How did you get involved?"

"A demon took out my wife," John said.  "Sam was six months old."  Joyce gaped in horror at him.  He nodded.  "We've been doing it ever since and it's nice we're settled down slightly at the moment."

"I think this is the longest we've been anywhere in years," Dean agreed.  "Sammy and I are both fully qualified to go hunting on our own."  Joyce stared at him.  "Someone's got to protect the other mothers and fathers out there," he said more gently.

She nodded, biting into her ice cream sandwich.  "I get that," she said.  She looked at Buffy.  "Mr. Giles told me how you're the first to have more backup than a watcher."

She nodded.  "That means I get a few nights off a week so it's not an every night of slay and then homework.  I've learned a lot from John and his sons.  I can spar with John and not hurt him most of the time because he's a lot tougher than Giles is."  John nodded at that.

Joyce ate more of her ice cream, staring at her daughter.  "This is going to give me ulcers."

"If I could find a way to pass it on, I would, Mom.  Unfortunately that'd take me dying and staying dead."  Joyce shuddered then sighed, finishing her ice cream.  The rest of them gave her the spare one that was left.  Buffy had already eaten hers.  "I'm sorry.  It wasn't my intention.  I was happy being the airhead cheerleader sort, Mom."

"It's not your fault," she said.  "And I'm proud that you've become such a credit to the duty.  From now on, you'll be honest with me?"

"We'll get you to go on buying trips out of town when it's an apocalypse," Lex assured her with a grin.  "That way she doesn't have to worry about you."

Joyce nodded.  "I can understand that."  She looked at her daughter.  "You're very lucky."

"I know, even if they're *guys* and do guy things."  She smirked.  "We need to find out how to get stuff out of laundry so I don't need a new wardrobe by next month."

John snorted.  "I can teach you that, Buffy."

She gave him a horrified look.  "I don't do my laundry."

Joyce snorted.  "We'll talk about that later, young lady."  She stood up, staring down at her.  "I'm proud but a bit freaked out."

Buffy nodded.  "So was I when Merrick showed up to talk about that mole that you let me have removed.  I went on a total 'eww' fit on him, and at the cemetery that night.  And then I staked a vampire by instinct."  Joyce grimaced.  "He was right, I wouldn't have believed him without it, but still gross."

"Very," she agreed.  She and John went back to the kitchen.  She looked at him.  "How do you stand letting them go out every time?"

"I know that I did the best I could to train them.  They can handle most everything.  And they have the same thing when I leave them to hunt."  He sat down.  She sat down to eat that quickly melting ice cream bar.  "You'll handle it, Joyce.  You're a good mother.  You have a good girl.  You did a good job on her.  A lot of the hunters end up in a lot of bad mental places.  Especially after years of hunting."

She sighed but nodded.  "I wish she could be the fashionable daughter again but I know you can't go back."

"No, and you shouldn't use that w-word.  There's a whole class of demons who react to that word and make it come true."  She groaned, rubbing her forehead.  "We can go over it with you.  I know some things that Giles doesn't and he's a research watcher originally.  Though it's nice he's taught my boys more ancient languages than Latin."  She stared at him.  "A lot of the books are in Latin.  It's one way the hunting community keeps normals from getting their hands on them so it can't hurt them."

"Oh, dear."  She frowned.  "Buffy knows Latin?"  He waved a hand in the air with a grimace.  She smiled.  "I was going to be really confused if she did.  She's not exactly the most brainy cheerleader."

"Willow and Sam do a lot of her research, and Giles."

"That doesn't surprise me."  She leaned on the table.  "Martial arts?"

"She got instinctive knowledge of a lot of them," John assured her.  "I've been helping her there since Giles is a bit...delicate.  Buffy can't go all out on him without sending him to the ER and it's pathetic around here."  Joyce nodded she had seen that.  "Willow, Lex, and my family all have a lot of first aid knowledge for minor combat injuries."

"I heard Willow stitched Xander and Jesse for years," she admitted.  John nodded.  "So.... what are parents of super warriors supposed to do beyond worry?  And should I worry about her diet?"

"She needs to eat more," John said bluntly.  "She's losing weight again."

"I noticed."  She grimaced.  "We can fix that."

"Protein and carb heavy," he told her.  "Not donut heavy."  She smirked.  "Dean would live on candy if I let him, same as Xander and Lex would if the Ders would let them."  She laughed.  "First?"  He showed up, blinking at him.  "Can you guys all teleport?"

"Only the top branches.  It comes with our promotion."  He spotted Joyce staring at him and smiled with a wave.  "Hi.  How is your night?"

"You're a mini Xander," she said.

He nodded.  "Lord Draco made us as a present for Lord Lex."

"Huh."  She nodded.  "Okay.  Are you demonic?"  He shook his head.

"Buffy's losing weight and Joyce can actually cook," John told First.  "Do you guys use a recipe book that she could borrow?"

He nodded, disappearing and coming back with a journal.  "Lex had that in his things.  It's what you worked out was best for their diets.  With enough energy for magic for Miss Willow and enough for energy for Lord Lex and your daughter."

She read through it, nodding.  "Some of my special laundry recipes too."  She smiled.  "Thank you, First."

"You're quite welcome.  I have to nag sometimes because they forget meals."  He looked at John.  "Including you."

"I start work next week at the garage."

"That's fine.  We'll let you know when we hear anything about the demon coming closer."  John smirked and nodded.  "That way you can plot evil things like Lord Sam used to."  He disappeared again.  He came back to hand over the box of ice cream.  "You look like you need some."  He disappeared again.

She opened it and got up to dish them out some.  "More ice cream was brought by First."

"I love the Ders," Buffy called, coming in to get the biggest bowl her mother would allow.  She tipped her head at the book.  "Recipes?"

"From Lex's things."

"Oh, cool."  She left.  "Guys, mint chocolate chip."  The boys got up to get some and Willow settled in to chat about girl things until they got back.  They needed to loosen up her style that Draco was prompting.

***

Joyce looked at Buffy's outfit.  "You're not hunting in that."

"I look cute," she said, looking at herself then her mother.  "It's baiting, Mom."

"Dear, how many of them get flashed by you before they go whoosh as Xander called it?"

"Um....  A few maybe but they all go bye-bye."

"Uh-huh.  Pants.  No heels.  We can find you something more practical."  Buffy sighed but nodded, letting her mother take her shopping for hunting clothes.  You could find sexy jeans that weren't too tight and a top that was tough enough to live through a fight.  She called John to get his opinion and he sent Lex over to help.  Even if the boy complained he'd have flashbacks.  Then she followed her daughter on patrol with Lex to find out what she needed to deal with.  They chatted about boys and Lex put in some of his own opinion.  At least until someone called his phone.

"What's up?" Lex answered.  "Excuse me?"  He listened and nodded.  "Huh.  Sure, you get him handled and I'm going to stake the mother fucker.  Thanks, Dean."  He hung up.  "Angel decided to beat the crap out of Xander for me telling you what he was."

"He's going then," she said with a shrug.

Lex nodded.  "We might have a problem with the Powers That Be... but at the least I'm going to make his unlife a living hell."  He walked off.  "He's been spotted at the Bronze."

"Sure," she agreed, following.  She smiled at her mother.  "I almost crushed on him until Xander told me what he was.  Even if we're supposed to be coworkers, not now."  Joyce just nodded and followed, learning about this mysterious Angel her daughter had mentioned a few times.

Lex smirked as he walked up to the vampire.  "Angelus."  The vampire snarled and turned, giving him a confused look.  "Yeah, there's more than one of us."  He punched him as hard as he could, sending Angel backward to the ground.  He kicked him.  Angel got up to take a swing and Lex beat his ass.  Then Lex smirked.  "I should do the spell to send you to hell now."

"Who're you," he moaned, holding a broken rib.

"Lex."  He smirked at the other vampires watching.  "What?"

"Nothing, Lord Lex.  You scared the crap out of us before."  He bowed and they all backed off.

Lex stared at Angel, sneering at him.  "So you decided to go after Xander for me telling Buffy what you used to be and about the soul clause?  Ya know, I did that because I saw it when you lost it in the future."  Angel gave him a horrified look.  "Because you so lost it you killed people in the group, you pathetically stalked her, and we had to get into it in the hospital."  He moved closer.  "You also got to go to hell for a bit because you started a situation and your blood had to finish it."  He stared at him.  "You might be on the Powers' side, but damned if I give a damn."

"This is not what you were to do," a male voice said.

Buffy looked at him.  "Why are you here?" she complained.

"He's a balance demon and works for the Powers," Lex told her.  "Whistler tells you how to have a sucky life and gives you painful choices."  He looked at him again.  "Be damned if I'm going to let this go on.  If you want him saved, send him to LA now."

"Um..." the messenger said, staring at him.  "You're not Xander."

"No, I'm Lex."

"Huh?" he asked.  Buffy filled him in and he gave Lex a horrified look.  "The Powers didn't plan for you."

"They didn't plan for my nicer half here.  Yay me," Lex said dryly.  "By the way, Sunnydale will become a sanctuary for the peaceful demons some day soon.  I did it on my realm, I'll damn well do it here to protect my nicer self."  He glared at the vampires.  "You have until Xander graduates in two years.  Then he'll go on his road trip, maybe with Sam, and it'll go my way."  They nodded, turning and fleeing.  He looked at the messenger again.  "Anything else?"

"You're awfully brash in the face of one who works for higher powers," the demon said.

Lex snorted.  "I scried when Willow nearly ended the world.  Why would I care?"

Buffy gave him a funny look.  "She did?"

"Yeah, that's why Draco's teaching her this time.  Because Giles doing it led to her stealing books.  She got to the scary part of magic addiction.  This time she won't."

The balance demon cleared his throat.  "That has a reason."

Lex pulled his wand and hexed his clothes so they matched.  "No, it doesn't."  The demon started to whimper.  Lex smiled and moved closer.  "Want me to go to the portal and talk to the Oracles?"  He nodded and disappeared.  "I'll be back tomorrow, Buffy.  Get Dean to go with you?"  He stared at her.  "That way you're not alone."

"I know, John drummed the concept of backup into my thick skull," she sighed.  "But Dean's really a hotty with a stake."  She called him.  "Hi, Dean.  Xander just pissed off a higher power by beating the crap out of Angel so he's going to talk to some Oracle-y person.  No, not the computer company, some higher power thingy.  That way I'm not alone on patrol with Mom?  Sure, your dad's great at it.  Thanks."  She looked around.  "Outside the Bronze.  Thanks.  We can wait in there, get a drink."  She hung up and they went inside.

Xander moved himself to LA.  He loved learning magic, it was so much easier than driving.  The beings in the portal stared at him in horrified awe when he appeared.  "I learned from Draco and Harry."  He put his wand back in his pocket.  "I'm told that you guys not only didn't account for Xander, but also for Rosenburgian wishes that brought me too?"

"You unbalance things," one of the oracles said.

"No, I remember the sucky pain from last time and I know it won't happen again, even if I have to sacrifice myself this time."  He stared at them.  "There's no reason for Willow to have to go magic addiction.  There's no reason for Buffy to have to die twice and be brought back that second time."  They glared at him.  He stared back.  "Sunnydale will be a peaceful demon sanctuary in a few years.  I've already started on that plan.  Even if you kick me off this realm, it'll happen.  I've prepped everything, all I have to do is finish cleaning out the vampires."

They stared at each other.  "You're warping the plans."

"The plans sucked," Xander said bluntly.  "And they created more problems.  Even with that rumored thing with the First, you won't get enough slayers for that invasion prophecy.  Which, by the way,  pretty easy to stop when you kill the guys doing it.  Because I'm not the nice guy in this realm."  They looked and gave him another horrified look.  He smirked.  "Anything else?  I've got to help my Army of Der prepare for the next apocalypse battle we'll have."

"You should not be here," the male Oracle said.

"Yeah but I am.  What's his name, the balance demon, told me to come talk to you when I beat the crap out of Angel for doing it to my twin."

They shuddered and walked off.  "The Powers are upset."

"Yay."  He put down something from his pocket, letting it grow.  It trapped both spirits.  When more showed up, they got trapped too.  They never expected him or Xander to use their powers against them.  They never expected people to have things that could hurt them, which was stupid around hunters.  "Hi, Powers That Be."  He picked it up and walked it off.  He found Whistler glaring at him.

He held up the box.  "I'm not hurting them.  Just making them leave people alone so they have free will."  He grinned.  "Threzenor?" he called.  The demon appeared, staring at him.  "Here, the Powers That Be."  He handed over the box.  "Your people are neutral guardians who have never picked a side.  You can watch that box of Powers That Be for however long you wish."  He disappeared.

"Give it over," the balance demon ordered.

"No, I think not.  The priests will make that decision."  He disappeared, taking it to the temple.  "High Priest," he called.  "We have an issue.  I got handed this box of Powers That Be to guard."

The priests all stared at him.  The highest took it to sense then nodded.  "It is them.  We will build them a shrine and protect them.  They are to be honored but not released."  The lower ones nodded, working up plans for their shrine.  For now they got locked in the safest area they had available.

Lex reappeared, looking at the family.  "I've so had it with interfering powers."

John gaped.  "What did you do?"

"Capturing box."  He grinned.  "Remember when I told you about those priests?"  John nodded.  So did Buffy.  "They have them."  He smirked.  "The slayer calling is on automatic.  The plans were really bad plans.  The one thing they wanted so many slayers for, and then to die off afterward, is already stopped.  So's most of the ones here."  He crossed his arms over his chest.  "Therefore it'll be an easier time."  He walked off to take his bad mood out on something evil.  There were still plenty of them in town.

Buffy shook her head.  "He's really pissed off."

"Yeah, just a bit," John agreed.  He finished his coffee and they went on patrol with Joyce following.  He explained things to her.  They ran into a few harmful demons fleeing Lex but that was fine.  They could handle lesser evil things.

***

The remaining few Powers That Be, Was, and Will Be Again had a meeting.  Things were not going according to plans.  They checked on all their plans, finding many of the lines cut.  Humanity wasn't in hardly any danger.  There were fewer apocalypses that could happen.  Whole books of prophecy were now erased.  Though one of the Powers That Was found an interesting prophecy speaking of a warrior they overlooked.  They read it and decided that was the one named Lex.  They checked his history and winced at what he had seen and done.  He had undone their plans because he had seen the outcomes before and had found them lacking for humanity.  The Powers That Was crowed because they had always said that the Be's plans were bad.  The others ignored them yet again.

They had to make new plans.  Ones that wouldn't get countered.

Of course, they forgot the natural one on this world.  Until he had a vision.  Then they gave him a horrified look because he was just as strong but not in the battle-hardened shape so he wouldn't think tactically, he would just destroy them.  All of them.

"So be it.  The slayer line shall be changed," one of the Powers That Will Be Again announced.  The others nodded it was the only way.  "What we saw of them, Kendra will be called."  They nodded.  "As will Faith.  A trio of huntresses will be better for humanity."

"It will also split the memories so not as many are shoved in," another Power said.  "Which will help Faith."

"What of that boy and his other self?" another asked.

"He has worked to protect humanity.  He is one of ours but Sunnydale will not be the sanctuary he wants.   We will help him create one somewhere more neutral.  Sunnydale is too washed with bad power from the hellmouth.  It will warp the peaceful into a different apocalypse."  They considered it then nodded.  They also brought their cohorts back.  That would calm down Xander and his other self.  Before Xander killed everyone while Lex praised him.

***

The house they were in warped and Draco looked up.  "Interesting."

Harry glared at him.  "Only you could be that blase about anything this huge going on."

"Well, yes, but it does take a lot to impress me."

"I've got ten inches," Dean quipped with an evil smirk.

"No, I said a lot," Draco said dryly.

John Winchester looked up from his gun cleaning when the house around them changed, grew, and got fancier.  And then the other boys started to snark at each other.  He cleared his throat.  "Dean, you've never been that big, or you'd scare the waitresses, son."  His boys both smirked at him.  "It's going to be strange with the older and younger sets."  He looked at the Der army, nodding at the mini-Sam.  Who was adorable and pouting.  "Why are you pouting?"

"Now there's three of us."

Draco swished his wand and cast something complicated.  Their other selves were brought out and merged.  All were now the younger set's age but they had their own memories.  And Sam's hyena taint stayed too.

Lex leaned out of the kitchen.  "That didn't work, Draco."

"Not on you," he snorted.  "You're too well integrated."  He smirked.  Lex smirked back.

Xander came out to look at them.  "Hi," he said, blinking a few times.  "You guys feel different and there's more Der."

"That's because the higher Powers said that we're staying here now," Harry quipped with a grin.  "How long have aurors been in town trying to track me?"

"Two days," John said.  "They stand out in their robes."

"Tonks might not."  He settled himself down.  The Draco Der hopped up to sit on his shoulder.  "We should scout them," he said.  The Draco Der nodded.  "Are you still hoarse?"

"A tiny bit," he said, then sniffled.

Harry hugged him.  "You'll feel better soon."  Draco growled.

Dean looked at Harry then at Draco.  "He and Lex are both honorable sorts, Draco.  If you want in his panties that much, ask him or get him drunk.  He won't screw you without one of those."  He looked at Sam.

"Me either," Sam admitted with a shrug.  Lex came out to give him a hug and a sandwich.  "Thanks, Lex."  He grinned.  Lex smirked back.  "I know that look.  What plan are you hatching now?"

"You're still in school here, Sam."  He beamed and went back to the kitchen.

Dean cackled.  "With us being our selves here's age, yeah, you are, Sammy."

"And you have a math test tomorrow," John told him.

"Great," Sam said sarcastically.  "Just what I need."  He walked off.  "It's two so let me get to bed.  Before I bite someone tomorrow."  Dean Der came in to tuck him in with Harry Der, getting pats and smiles.  "Thanks, guys.  You fuss over me just the way I like."  They grinned back and left him to nap.

Dean Der walked out to look at John.  "He's in bed.  He's a bit taller than the other Sam."

John nodded.  "I noticed the pants were shorter.  We'll fix that tomorrow."  He nodded and left.  The others went to their rooms to make plans.  John considered his sons, his boys, who were still inside the new ones somewhere.

Dean came out to look over his shoulder.  "We're still your boys, Dad.  You still raised us to be the badass hunters we are.  We just have a few more years of hunting to fall back on and are a bit more burnt out from battles."  He patted him on the head.  "Hell, I got burned out at this age the first time keeping the evil chicks off Sammy's tail."  He went back to bed.

John smiled, shaking his head.  "Yeah, that's my Dean," he sighed.  It was good to know the John in their realm was the same as he was.

***

Buffy looked over her sunglasses at Sam when he showed up.  "Why do you feel like Lex?"

He grinned.  "Because I should?"

"Huh.  So did the ones here switch?"

"We're joined."

"Cool.  Xander?"

"Nope."

"Huh."  She walked inside with him.  "Massive gathering tonight in the park."

"We heard.  Dean's going to set things up."  She grinned.  "Harry and Draco are nagging at each other like old wives."  She cackled, she had seen that before.  "It helps that Willow sneezed and changed Harry into a girl."  She laughed harder, leaning on his shoulder to hold herself up.  "Yeah, it was like that at breakfast."  She headed for her locker still giggling.  Sam got into his and got what he'd need by the schedule he had taped on the door.  He was always methodical that way and he knew not to leave personal stuff in the locker.  They had left some towns in the middle of the night so he had lost books.

They went to home room and then to classes.  Sam marveled at how easy the stuff they were doing was.  He had done this years ago.  So hey, he could beat Willow's scores easily here.  It'd look good on him.  Maybe he'd do the Stanford thing again this time.  He had loved it there.  He'd have to see how that worked out this time.  With a school this bad they might not favor the scores.

***

"Ohmygod, I can't believe they're changing things!" Willow babbled as they walked into the library.  "Giles, they're changing the education next year so everything's project based.  Four projects a term."  She bounced and babbled about what she could do it on.

Sam blinked a few times then looked at Xander and Lex, who were snickering.  "Usually it takes a box of candy for you to do that."

Willow bopped him on the arm with a scowl.  "I'm excited!  This means we get to really show what we can do!  It'll be more research but it means we get to design things and learn what we want, within reason of course, and then we can set our own goals and our own time management ideas."

Sam nodded slowly.  "That's going to suck in science."  She pouted.  "Chemistry's easy.  How are you going to do a project in physics?"

"We can do an experiment."

Sam shook his head with a smirk.  "No you can't.  This isn't science fair stuff, Willow.  They'd want college level experiments."  She gaped, looking awed.  "Yeah.  Half the students are going to be totally in the junior high mindset.  Which means we'll blow the curve."

"Shoot," she muttered.  "I'm not dumbing mine down for that."

"No, but you might want to keep in mind who's going to be going over your report and things," Lex reminded her.  "We don't have that many teachers who can understand college level work even when they demand it."

"Huh."  She nodded.  "I can dumb it down without dumbing it down too far, like I do when I teach you, Xander."  She bounced back to the books.

Sam stared after her, looking at Xander.  Who shrugged and rolled his eyes.  "Want some help figuring out what you'll do it on?"  He sat across from the twins.

"Not totally.  One's meant to be a physical project, one a research one, one a science one, and one an art or literature one."  He grimaced.

"We can do one on building things," Lex offered.  "That's not that hard and we can easily do something on design things."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Art or literature, maybe photos or something?  Or do a few paintings?"

"Maybe," he decided.  They'd figure it out.  They had all summer to figure it out.  "What's going on this spring, Giles?"

"Nothing as far as I know so far," he admitted.  "Since the Master can't rise."

Lex shook his head.  "He went sploosh."

"Good."  He went back to reading when his phone rang.  "Rupert Giles."  He paused.  "No, she's fine.  I've seen her in the last few minutes.  She bounced in to put down her bookbag and then visit the soda and candy machines.  Interesting.  Which one was called?"

"Kendra?" Lex asked.

"Faith," he said.  "No, we have someone here who had some information.  He thinks Kendra should be next.  Yes, I'll hold."  He put the phone between his cheek and shoulder.

"Well, they did pull us from where the demons removed us," Sam offered.  "Why not add a few slayers?"

Giles stared.  "When did they do this?"

"Last night," Lex said with a grin.  "Draco merged them with themselves in this timeline."

"Interesting."  He listened, making notes.  "Yes, I'm still here.  So she is?"  He smirked.  "That's fine."

"Get Faith out of Boston," Lex reminded him.  "Kakistos or whatever his name was is going to torture her and Linda soon."

"Yes, that's true, he foresaw Faith and her watcher being tortured by a very old vampire.  Kakistos or something like that?"  He nodded.  "Actually, the girls could all come here and decide how to split the duties.  That'd be wonderful and there's some things we've managed to do to help Buffy.  No, that's not going to happen.  Because the one with information blew him up rather a lot.  Exactly.  Yes, we'd love to host the conference.  Thank you, Mary.  Have a good day."  He hung up and went to find Buffy.  "Your sister slayers are coming soon."

Buffy stared at him.  "I didn't die."

"You didn't have to apparently."

"So it's like Sam feeling like Lex?"

"We believe so."

"Cool."  She beamed.  "That means I'm not doing it alone with the guys."  She got her candy of choice and came back to the library.  "So, guys, can we help the other slayers?"

"We can figure out how to do that," Giles assured her.  "They're coming out here to figure out how to set things up."

"Uber-cool," Buffy decided with a grin for Sam and Lex.  "Thanks, guys."

"Not our doing but welcome," Lex quipped back.  John came in.  "Long day?" he teased.

"Not really."  He nodded at Buffy.  "Let's start by warming you up."  She nodded, eating her candy bar while she stretched.  "Why are you eating junk food?"

"I'm hungry and I have PMS," she said bluntly.  "Try to take my chocolate, watch me stake you instead."  He smirked but rolled his eyes as he got the practice pads he'd need.  She finished it and her warm up, pouncing him to beat on him.

Lex checked his calendar in his phone, shaking his head.  "John, she'll need someone with her tonight.  The vamps are getting paranoid and will smell her coming."

"Eww!" she said, swatting him.  "That's gross!"

"Buffy, they drink blood," Sam said dryly.  "Really."

"Still disgusting!  John!"

"He's right.  I'd guess they'd be able to tell."  He shrugged.  "You can go on the pill and remove some of those.  That way you don't have to have them as often.  Or so said the ad in the magazine today."

"I might like that.  It's really hard to find a bathroom to change tampons in the middle of the night and I can never stake the vamps in a crypt fast enough to not drip."

"TMI," all the young guys complained.

"You started it," she said and stuck her tongue out at them.  Though she did go out that night with John and Dean.  And still got jumped more than usual.

John brought her home and handed her to Joyce.  He hissed in her ear, getting a nod.  "I'll have that taken care of," she promised with a smile.  "Thank you for protecting her."

"Not a problem.  We got a lot of vamps tonight and a demon dog that wanted to nuzzle her stomach."  They shared a look then John left to ride herd over the household of bastards he lived with.

Joyce looked at her daughter.  "We'll talk to someone about putting you on the pill for a bad period."  She walked her off to get her cocoa.  Buffy always needed cocoa during her cycle.  She was so glad she hadn't had to deal with that as a teenage girl.  It would've driven everyone around her nuts.  She settled in for some girl talk - boys and clothes.

***

Lex looked at the balance demon that appeared next to him.  "Yes, Whistler?" he asked dryly.

"How could you?" he demanded.

Xander smirked.  "I saw what happened when I didn't.  Do you think I want all those people to die?"

"No but that's not your call.  You're not a Power."

Lex smirked.  "You're right, I'm not.  I'm a man who decided that that shit wasn't going to happen again."  He went back to whittling stakes.  "Any other comments from up high?"

"Where are they?"

"You saw who I handed to protect them."

"They're...  They're guardians."

Lex nodded, looking at him.  "I know that.  They guard a few other relics.  A containment box with trapped higher beings is right up their alley.  They have a few others as well."

The balance demon grimaced.  "Whatever.  You still can't interfere."  Lex snorted.  "The ones watching now won't let you."

Xander strolled out.  "Are they the charming people that keep giving me visions?"  That got a horrified look.  "Because if so, I have a telephone pole I can whittle a point onto so I can sit them on it."  He stared at him.

"No, you're not supposed to have visions."

"Surprise," Lex said dryly.  "We both have visions.  Us and Sam."  He smirked.  "Though that's about to be solved too because we saw why he wanted Sam."

The balance demon moaned and disappeared to tell them that plan was off too.

John leaned out.  "Why?"

"If they open the gateway, are they just going to party?" Xander asked.  "Or are they going to want to prove they're masters?"

"He needs someone to be his figurehead," John said then sighed.  "Why Sammy?"

"Because he's gifted so they'd listen to him.  People like Sam.  People want to own Sam so they'd follow him.  It'd be like giving us the lead of hell's armies."

John considered that then shuddered.  "Dean would stop him."

Lex looked at him.  "If things had worked out as planned, you'd be dead, Dean would be dead or very injured, or possibly on his way to hell, I saw it all three ways, and Sammy would be mostly alone."

John stared at them.  "How did I die?"

"The two ways I saw it was a crash in the Impala or being in the hospital and making a deal to save Dean from the crash in the Impala," Xander said.

"Fuck no," John complained, going to talk to his sons.

"I'll fucking kill the bitch if it touches my car!" Dean shouted.

"I feel the same about my broom," Draco called from his sunny spot reading.

Dean stomped out.  "They did what?" he demanded.

"If I had inner-head vision capabilities," Xander said dryly.  "You wouldn't have to listen to the tape of the vision I put on your bed."

Dean went back inside to find those.  They were nicely filed by Sam Der.  He had them in order even.  "Thanks, Mini Sam."  He sat down to listen to them, letting John take the headphones when he was done.

"So we'll summon it soon," Sam said dryly.  "We're at a strong spot.  We've got help from the twins and possibly Buffy and her team or Harry and Draco.  We summon him and end him."

"We need something that can kill him," John pointed out.  "I can't bring the colt into the open."

"Call Giles, see if the Watchers have one?" Dean asked.  John nodded, going to get that figured out.  It turned out the watchers had a whole closet of stored 'can kill any demon' types of weapons.  If they had to, they'd bring the whole thing there so their slayer could kill this one once and for all.  Dean walked out shaking his head.  "Swords, axes, and otherwise."

"I miss my axe," Lex sighed.  "Giles has it locked in the book cage."  He dropped that stake and moved onto the next one.

Dean sat down to help him.  They always needed stakes.  Xander sat down to help too.  They looked up at the sound of cackling, going to investigate.  That turned out to be the demon.  So Lex shot it.  Dean shot it.  Harry and Draco hexed it.  And Xander...  Well he had borrowed something from the book cage so he stabbed it in the back of the neck.  The demon screamed and tried to mist up.  One of the Ders flipped over Xander's sword with another capturing box, using it to capture the demon.  The body went limp and turned to ashes.  The Der proudly held up the box.  "It says it's sealed," he said.

"Threzenor?" Lex called.  John gave him an odd look.  The demon guardian appeared with a sigh.  "Would you also like a very high demon that keeps trying to take over this plane?  If not, who should I send it to?"

"Which one?" he asked.

"Azazel."

"It is best served in stronger hands.  I will tell the High Priest so he can send one."  He disappeared.  "The humans are busy trapping demons," he told the high priest with a bow.  "They have Azazel.  Apparently the family of one of his chosen got upset about his plans."

The high priest cackled.  "I can see that point, yes."  He called one of the other clans of their type of demon and sent them to the humans.

That one appeared, looking up at them.  He reminded you of a blue Yoda without the cane and he had orange hair.  "Human, you caught Azazel?"

The Der handed him the box.  "It came out of the body he was using, Elder.  As of this moment, the weapons to kill him are not near at hand."

He felt it, nodding.  "That is him.  I will take him to England to have him killed inside the box."  He looked at Harry and Draco.  "I have heard of you two."  Harry shrugged but grimaced.  "It was an inspired plan."

"Apparently it was mine and Draco's before."  He smiled.  "Lex told us."

"Excellent work," he said, looking at Lex, who grinned.  "Are there more coming?"

"Yes.  This town will become a sanctuary."

"Excellent.  Let me remove this so they may be killed.  Any others, trap and send to my clan."  He handed over his card and left.

"How can we be sure he'll have it destroyed?" John asked.  Xander held up the card and John moaned.  "They're mythical."

"They're super guardians," Lex said with a grin. "If it can't be destroyed they won't let him out.  That's why I trust them so much."

"I can agree with that," he decided.  He took the card to Giles to warn him.  They found out the guardian was already there and they were figuring out how to kill him inside the box.  Someone at the Ministry for Magic showed up to offer his help but they were ignoring him for being an idiot.

Draco disapparated, landing behind the box.  He had made it so he knew what it felt like.  "You could just destroy it with a killing curse," he offered.  They all stared at him.  The Ministry official sneered.  "I'll have Lex stomp your ass for me.  He can beat a good few people."  He cast the killing curse and it died.  They all checked and it was truly dead.  Draco smiled.  "See, simple solutions and he won't get out."

"We will keep the box hidden to make sure," the guardian demon assured him.  He patted him on the arm.  "Very simply done, wizard.  Thank you."  He and the box disappeared.

The watcher working on the problem looked at Draco.  "Where did you come from?"

"Safety.  Since they tried to kill my handsome ass for not wanting to die."  He stared at him.  "Yes, Mr. Potter is very safe.  I check in with him often."  He smirked.  "We're well protected and more than able to beat the snot out of anyone who tries things against us."

"You have no standing anymore.  Your father disinherited you, boy," the official sneered.

"Hmm.  The top lieutenant of Voldemort disowned his only son.  Interesting."  The official gasped.  Draco smirked.  "Did my mother since the money came from her family?"  He walked around him.  "Let me make sure of that.  Do have a better day."  He looked back at the watcher.  "It's very nice that Rupert's helped us remember we're British when things get too American."  He smirked and disappeared.  He landed in the middle of Gringotts with a smile.  "Good morning."  Goblins went running.  "That's a charming welcome.  Though I'm not invading.  Then I'd never get laid again."  He followed one since he was heading for the main office.  "Was I disowned for real or just for show?" he asked dryly from the doorway.  The goblin gave him a horrified look.  "Yes, Mr. Potter and myself are hiding from the idiocy."

"You're a very wanted person, Mr. Malfoy."

"Because I escaped them trying to kill us to cover up the truth or for some other reason?"

"Mostly that one," he admitted.  "No, your father was disowned from the family so his disowning meant you were in good standing since you kept your head and kept out of the way of the war.  By the family's will, you're the only heir."

"Wonderful."  He smiled.  "How's my mother?"

"Tolerable but having a lot of headaches since your father is such a moron."

"Well, Father was going to sacrifice me in his place when they were going to break the horcruxes."  The goblin stared at him.  He smirked.  "That's how Voldemort did it.  Learned from an old potions professor.  I clearly learned from a better one."

"Clearly," the goblin agreed.  "Let us call people to settle things?"

"As long as it's not an auror," he said dryly.

"They have stated there's no case against you, no matter what the Minister is doing."

"Hmm.  Well there's a cure for the Minister as well."  He came in to go over things while his mother was sent for.  She came in to sob on him and hug him.  He patted her on the arm.  "It's all right, Mother.  I'm perfectly safe and sane."  She stared at him, letting him brush off the tear marks.  "It's not seemly to cry in public."  He smiled.  "I can't even get shagged, Mother.  Plus the Americans I'm around are weird."  She burst out laughing.  "Indeed."  They fixed things then went to where Minister Fudge was decrying things again.

Draco walked up to him and punched him, sending him off is podium.  "You made my mother cry.  I do not allow such things to happen."  He stared at him.  "I'd duel you but you aren't worth the magic."  He took his wand and snapped it.  "Then again you've never been better than a squib.  That's why my father and Voldemort liked you so much as a pawn, just like Dumbledore did."

He dropped the pieces on the man's chest.  "Do leave my family alone, Mr. Fudge.  It's rather rude and if I should have to come make my mother quit sobbing again, I'll destroy you."  He walked over him.  "Mother, I need some ice cream.  Muggle ice cream isn't the same.  It has a funny aftertaste with the way they purify the milk or something."

"They do many things more inferior, my son," she said patiently.

"Actually they do have some nice things."  He grinned and held up something.  She smiled as she took the present.  "I found that and it was better quality than ours but with the exchange rate over a third cheaper."

"That's wonderful.  Very nice work.  Don't they have a magical section?"

"Yes but it was exactly the same, only more expensive for the niche market."  He opened a door for her, letting her go first.  They went into the ice cream shop and it was nice.  He was even thoughtful enough to bring the letter the twins gave him for Harry home.

Narcissa looked at the present, putting it on.  It went with nearly any outfit and it was beautiful work.  Her son was very thoughtful to her.

***

Harry got the magical summons and sighed, holding it up for Draco to see.  Draco grimaced.  "Must I?"

"They can pull you.  I'm assuming that'd hurt since we're half a world away."

"Probably."  He went to change clothes but Draco picked out something and changed himself.  "You don't have to.  It's probably another attempt to capture me."

"Nothing probably about it," he said dryly.  "This way you have backup."

"Ooh, me!" Sam Der ordered, jumping up and down with a maniacal look on his face.  "I can be good wizarding backup."

Dean looked at him.  "How would you do that?"

Sam Der gave him an evil look.  "I'm amazing."  Draco shrugged and let Sam get dressed and perch himself on Harry's shoulder.  He liked Harry a lot.  And Draco but Harry was nicer and fed his sugar habit too.  They went back to the Ministry, where people were waiting.  Sam spat something in an ancient demon language, making them all shriek.  "Truth hurt, bitches?" he asked with a grin.

Draco gave him a pat on the head.  "Very nicely done, Sam Der."  He opened the door.  "As I would for any girl sort," he said smugly.

Harry snorted.  "I haven't been girlish in a while, Draco, but thank you."  They walked inside, going to the courtroom.  "I got summoned?" he asked.

"What is that on your shoulder?"

"I made him.  He's a wonderful Der," Draco said smugly.

"Your presence wasn't wanted until tomorrow, Mr. Malfoy," one said.

"Harry did rescue me from being killed by my father."  He stared at them.  "I doubt anything will happen today anyway."  They all gaped.  "After all, you all took part by ignoring his treatment of your own free will.  Even when told about it you shut the stories up."

"There were stories?" Harry asked, looking at him.

"Two or three that I remember.  Including one where you had a broken collarbone that never got set."

"No, it didn't until that first quidditch accident."  He stared at them.  "I have nothing to say to any of you for what you made me go through so you could have a so-called savior.  Well, I saved you.  You didn't like it.  Blow me as the muggles say."  Sam giggled, petting him.  "Thank you, Sam Der."  He patted him on the leg.  "You're very calming."  He stared at them.  "What did you want me to do?  Die?"  He walked off.  "Bugger all of you.  You let them keep sending me back there.  If you knew about it I'm suing you."  He got taken to a lawyer by Draco, who had already owled ahead about meeting with Harry.  He had all the facts already, including those stories.  Harry went through and corrected a few things.  Then he smiled as he handed them back.  "They've pissed me off and are trying to turn me into the next Dark Lord.  I'd rather not do that today."

"I can fully understand that, Mr. Potter."

"I'd really rather that they left me, my wrongfully imprisoned godfather, and Draco the bloody hell alone forever more."

"I'll see what I can do."  He smiled and shook his hand.  "Let me work on the lawsuit first."

"Thank you.  That'd be wonderful.  How are my relatives anyway?"

"We have penseive testimony from them already.  I took it myself."  He smirked.  "It was not what the Ministry created."  Harry beamed.  "You're...."

"In the Americas."

"That's fine.  I'll get news to you via Mr. Malfoy?"

"That's more than acceptable.  Thank you."  They disappeared with Sam Der hugging his neck.  He pulled him around to cuddle him.  "You're better than a teddy any day, Sam Der."

"Yes I am."  He grinned at Draco, who sneered back.  "He'd hug you if you asked."

"Malfoys don't ask."

"Then Malfoys keep using their hand," Harry said, walking off.  "Sorry but honor forbids me from treating you like the slut you want to be, Malfoy."

Draco rolled his eyes, stomping off.  John stopped him to talk to him about it.  He could see both points but Draco couldn't expect Harry to change that much.

Dean Der came out shaking his head.  "Sammy Der's getting huggy and it's gross."  He went to pounce his Lex Der friend.  They wrestled and rolled around until First kicked them out of the kitchen for a bit.  They ran outside to wrestle around in the mud so he'd have something to huff over.

John shook his head because maybe there were worse things in the world than staying in Sunnydale permanently.  Watching his older son and Lex get together for real....  Yeah that might be worse than a demon torturing him.

***

A ministry official showed up in Sunnydale, going to where their contacts said Rupert Giles, the current watcher, was working.  He ignored all the abnormally tanned, fit, semi-clothed females as being deficient morally and beneath him on his way to the library.  He walked in.  "Watcher Giles, I'm from the Ministry for Magic in Great Britain.  I seek your assistance in finding Mr. Potter or Mr. Malfoy so they can stop whatever demented creatures they brought with them last time from destroying us all."

Harry coughed from his seat reading a book on succuba.  "I'm researching how to send a friend's newest stalker away," he said at the odd look the book got.  "First Der?" he called.  Fourth appeared, saluting him.  "What are you doing to the Ministry?"

"We are finding all the hidden information files for your lawsuit, Lord Harry.  So far we've found over seven hundred entries."  He smirked.  "We've only got three rooms left to search and then we'll be done.  The lawyer was most gracious."

"Thank him for me and the troops."  He petted him with a smile.  "You're a good commander, Fourth Der."

"Thank you, Lord Harry.  Should I prepare things for Lord Draco to be mean later?"

"Why would he be mean?"  Fourth climbed up to whisper in his ear.  "No, I've got things for that."  He patted him again.  "Thank you for the warning."

"You're welcome, Lord Harry."  He disappeared.

Harry smiled.  "Draco created them for a friend."

"What are they?"

"Miniatures of our friend."  He smirked and got back to reading.  "I'm sure there'll be a Ministry left after I'm done with them.  Hopefully one that won't ever do to another child what was done to me."  He turned the page.  "Mr. Giles, can't I just banish her?"

"No, I'm afraid she's latched on and that could hurt Xander, Harry.  You almost have to do a capturing circle and then make her want to leave."  Harry looked at him.  "I'm not sure what would suitably distress her so she would pout her flirty way off."

"Well, I could pounce Draco in front of her, or him and Xander."

"Most of them would be disgusted at not being involved," Giles admitted.  "Like eating in front of another I suppose."

"I might try that then.  John knows a variety of rune-based devils traps."  He looked at the ministry official.  "Was there something else?"

"Are you...."  He cleared his throat so he didn't sound squeaky.  "Are you and Mr. Malfoy together?"

"I leave that entirely up to him because honor demands I don't debauch the damsel I rescued and protected," he said dryly.  "Draco is nothing if not a princess."  Giles burst out laughing, walking off nodding.  Harry smiled.  "Anything else?"  He shook his head.  Buffy walked in.  "Slayer Buffy, this is one of the Ministry officials from my home country."

"Hey," she said with a nod.  "Harry, is this skirt too short?"

"Not for the muggle world.  The wizarding world in England lives on Victorian fashions."

"Eww, corsets and long skirts.  I'd never be able to slay in them.  No wonder some of them lasted less than a month."  She walked off shaking her head.

"Change the shoes," Harry called after her.  "They don't match."

"Thanks."  She let the doors close and went to do that.

Harry smiled.  "She's got patrol tonight."  The ministry official was still looking horrified.  "All muggle girls wear clothes like that.  We're very far behind the rest of the world."  The official disappeared with a pop.  "Maybe Hermione will start the '60's in the wizarding world."  He went back to reading.  Succuba were very fun.  No wonder Lex had let one pounce his twin.

***

John looked at what Harry was doing.  "Why are you doing a devil's trap in your room?"

"Xander's new girlfriend the succuba?" Harry asked.

John took the chalk to add onto the house's protections until he could get some more paint.

First stared at him.  "They've always liked Lord Lex," he said bluntly.

"My boys don't need to see that," he said.

"Lord Dean introduced Lord Lex to a  few of them."

John went to talk to his sons about succuba being wrong and bad.  Clearly he had missed a lecture and beating sense into them opportunity.

First smiled, finishing the marks and then going to help Lord Harry with his plans to gross the succuba out.  It worked the best to drive them away.  Even if Lord Lex did find them amusing stress relief.

Xander wandered in looking happy.  "Harry, what're you doing?"

"I'm finding a way to trap the succuba that wants in your underroos, mate."  He grinned.  "We're going to trap her and gross her out."

"That's...  okay," he said with a nod and a grin.

"New comic come out?" Lex asked as he walked in.

"They killed Superman but they let four people take his place and then there's a whole new arc and a few new comics too."

"Great," Lex said with a happy grin back.   "Get them?"

"Borrowed from Johno for a few seconds."

"Cool!"  He went to get cash.  "We have money."

"How do we have money since the check from the state for surviving orphan benefits is already gone this month?"

"Not like vamps need the money," Lex pointed out.  He stared at his twin.  "And what we found larping around town?"  Xander blushed but shrugged.  "Did you want me to let it go whoosh?"

"No.  I guess getting the vamps as they go whoosh is a good plan," he decided.  Lex smirked.  "But not like when you first showed up?"

"They really were already dead when I went to check on them, Xander.  The whole family.  The vamps had even drained their gold fish."  Xander looked disgusted.  He led him back to the room and pointed.  "See, we have some money."

"I don't want to steal and stuff," he told his twin, hoping he got it.

"We're not."

"Groceries?"

"We always pay for it," Fourth assured him.

"Really?"  Fourth nodded.  "Because a cop came up and said that they caught a tiny me shoplifting."

Fourth looked toward the back.  "Twenty, you got caught again," he called.  "Work on it."

"Yes, sir, I'm working on my stealth.  That's why I got caught," he sighed.  He came out.  "It was only a candy bar, Lord Xander.  And I did pay for it when they caught me."

Lex patted him.  "We'll get you practice, Twenty."

"Thank you, Lord Lex."

"You can learn to stalk by following Xander around school.  Only let those who know see you or Cordelia so she gets fussy.  It's great fun watching her spaz out."  He nodded and beamed, going back to his duty of the laundry.

Xander looked at him.  "She's getting better."

"Yeah and someday soon she'll need to live in the real world."  He smirked.  "Let's go get some comics."  He nodded, going out with his twin.  The whole town had ignored that there were suddenly two Xanders.  Long live Sunnydale!

Lex found Cordelia out and sneering in windows, handing Xander the money.  "Go pick some out.  Get my Fantastic Four."

Xander gave him a pointed look.  "Why?"

"Some more ahead stuff."  Xander nodded and bounced off.  Lex looked at her.

"That's still freaky and don't touch me.  You might contaminate me with Xander cooties."

"Sure, I won't tell you why your college fund is going to disappear into the IRS's vaults," he said dryly.  She gaped, giving him a horrified look.  "Ten years of no taxes," he said quietly.

"Oh, shit," she muttered.  Lex nodded, staring at her.  "When?"

"Sometime late next year as far as I knew.  You hid it for months; I only found out because I found you working for your prom gown."

"Double damn."  She sighed.  "I need to move my things more into my custody and out of theirs, huh?"

"I have no idea how that works.  Personally, I'd be emancipated and then it'd be yours.  They couldn't come confiscate your car and clothes and things, even if you had to pay taxes."

She shuddered.  "My clothes?"

"Yeah."

"Damn it!"  She stomped off.  "Thank you for the freak out."

"Welcome."  He followed Xander to the comic shop, getting a look from his nicer half.  "There's some stuff I remember about certain agencies," he said in his ear.  "Taking everything."

"Oooh," Xander said with a wince and a hiss.  "Poor her."

"Yeah.  So she'll hopefully find a way."

"Maybe they can 'go to Mexico'?" Xander suggested.

"Don't tempt me.  Though that's not what it means."  Xander stared at him.  He nodded.  "Not hard."

***

Cordelia walked into the family lawyer's office.  "I need help."

"Why?"

"My parents haven't paid taxes in about ten years."  He nodded he knew that.  "Which means the IRS will someday find out and come take everything."

"They can't take anything of yours, Cordelia."

She called the number from the phone book on the desk.  "Hi, I'm asking a hypothetical for a class paper.  If a parent hasn't filed their taxes in ten years, can you claim their sixteen-year-old daughter's things?  Like her car, clothes, any jewelry she might have?"

The IRS agent on the phone hummed.  "By law, yes we can, young lady.  Is this an issue?"

"I'm doing an opinion paper and subtly helping another student in the class because she's too hysterical to think.  Is there any way that her things wouldn't be touched?  Because frankly, her parents should jump off a cliff for doing that to her future.  Her college fund would be gone too, right?"

"Yes, it would," he agreed.  "If it's in her name and she's emancipated, there's a slim chance they wouldn't be able to touch it.  If she cooperated, it'd be a bigger chance.  She'd still probably end up with a lot less assets to her name and they'd be watching her for the same behavior.  Because she's a minor, everything she owns would be considered her parents'."

"What if she had a trust fund?" the lawyer asked.  Because that was not good news.  Cordelia and her mother were both mercenary and prone to hitting.  "Not run by the family?  I'm that family's attorney and we're trying to protect the young lady as well as help this one with her thinly veiled opinion paper."

"Personally, right now my opinion is that her parents should die," Cordelia said.

"If they did, then the death taxes could be settled and it would leave her substantially better off but that's illegal," the agent said smugly.  "She'd end up in prison for the rest of her pretty young life."

"With her parents, them committing suicide would mean a good and hefty insurance payout."

"Which would offset the death taxes but even those you pay taxes on.  There's not much you can do that you don't pay taxes on unless you're a prostitute or selling drugs."

"Huh.  If you guys made them pay, it'd probably fund the US for years."

"Probably but if they admit it, then they go to jail," he said dryly.

"Figures."  She looked at the lawyer.

"So basically, if the girl's trust fund suddenly had trustees, she might be all right?" the lawyer asked.

"That's iffy and if she cooperates it'd go easier.  I can talk to her if you want."

"That's okay," Cordelia said.  "When they find them, I'm sure she'll come talk to you.  Thank you for your help."  She hung up and looked at him.  "Is it more for homicide than suicide?"

"Actually, only if one of your parents kills the other with their policies.  How did you find this out?"

"Someone who knows computers told someone who knows me."

"Dirt.  So they might already be sniffing."

She nodded.  "I'm not going to end up on the street!  I couldn't survive that!  It's not like my parents would take me when they run from the jail sentence."

"No, they wouldn't," he agreed, staring at her.  "Let me look at some options, Cordelia."

"You make damn sure they cannot take what is mine.  Especially not my college fund.  I want out of this town some year soon.  I want to do things and go to college and maybe act but I don't want to stay here!"  She was starting to get hysterical.  She could hear what her sheep would say when they found out.

"Calm down.  Give me a few days.  I'll do whatever I can to shield your assets.  You might lose your car and they'd lose the house but the state would pay to put you somewhere or into foster care.  Or we could emancipate you possibly.  Let me talk to some other lawyers who deal more with tax issues."  She nodded and left.  "Go yell at your father."

"Gladly!"

He called someone.  "Mr. Hart, James Simmons.  I interned with you and I need advice on a tax matter for a client.  Yes, I am in Sunnydale.  No, they haven't paid taxes in over ten years.  I think this is year twelve.  They have a sixteen-year-old daughter too.  No, unfortunately she's had a few boyfriends.  Some sort of hacker found out and told her to warn her so she wants to make sure her things are safe and out of harm's way.

"That's what I was thinking but she called an agent and asked for advice for a classmate and a supposed paper.  I can do that.  Thank you for meeting with me, sir."  He smiled.  "Sunnydale is a pleasant little town to visit.  That's why I took up my practice here.  Thank you, sir.  I'll see you for lunch tomorrow."  He hung up and made plans.  The IRS would want his files too probably and he had to get rid of anything incriminating.

***

Cordelia walked into her house and stomped around the housekeeper, going to where she could hear her parents fighting.  She stomped in and slapped her father.  "I'm not living on the streets when you flee the damn IRS!"  Her father looked horrified.  "A hacker told me!  My college fund is *mine*!  Grandmother left it to me."  She sneered.  "I know you won't stay to settle or anything so you'd better make sure I'm protected.  Because if I end up in a foster home, I'm *so* going to ruin you both.  Remember, I know where Grandmother's house is."

"How did you hear that?" her mother demanded.

"Someone told Xander Harris so he could tell me, Mom."  Her mother whimpered, sitting down holding onto her pearl necklace.  "So yeah, someone knows!"  She stared at her father.  "I just ran a hypothetical past an agent and the lawyer.  They can confiscate everything down to my clothes.  So you find some way to make sure that I'm protected, even if you fucking well flee.  I'm not staying in Sunnydale forever.  I have a much brighter future, even as a trophy wife if I have to, but it won't be here with the class of filth we have."

"No, I agree," her mother said.  "Your college fund should be fine."

"No.  I asked specifically.  He said since I'm still a minor it's still considered in your care.  So they can take that, my clothes, my car, the house, all your money, everything.  Which would leave me in foster care and very pissed off with enough ammo to help them find you both.  I don't care if you two run.  I'm realistic and a bitch, Mother.  You taught me that."

Her mother nodded.  "I did a good job with your realistic streak," she admitted.  "We can find a way to protect you while we move to Mexico.  My joints are getting a bit stiff anyway, dear.  I could use the warmth."  She looked at her husband, who was giving her a dirty look.  "Dear, your only worth to me at this moment is your life insurance.  Because I would've had to file jointly and you didn't file.  That involved me when I wasn't involved before."  She stood up.  "Dying or running, those are our options.  Which do you prefer?"

"How dare she talk to us like that!" he complained, glaring at his daughter.  "Pumpkin, we'd never...."

She snorted.  "Don't lie to me.  You left me plenty of times, Father.  For that matter, I remember the almost engagement I had for that business deal."  He blanched.  "I'll be damned!  I'm not going to end up like Xander fucking Harris."

"No, you won't," her mother assured her.  She patted her on the arm.  "He can go to jail."

"The lawyer said there's a suicide clause or a spousal violence clause," Cordelia told her.

"Yes, but then I'd look bad in prison and they'd come after me harder for that."

"Mother, we made how much in ten years?  Average taxes, according to accounting class, should be about eleven to fifteen percent of your income."  Her mother counted mentally.  "That's enough to fund the city for *years* I bet."

"Quite.  Oh, dear.  Well, maybe homicide is the more preferable option."  She stared at her husband.  "I'm not going to jail for this.  You were supposed to file as the head of the family.  You talked to the family lawyer?"

"Yes.  He's talking to some people who handle tax matters very quickly."

"That's a good idea.  I will make sure what my mother left you is yours."

Cordelia stared at her.  "Mother, if you try to leave me destitute to protect yourself, I'm still going to go bitch on the family."

"I understand, dear."  She patted her again.  "Give me a day."  Cordelia nodded and went to make sure her things could be hidden easily.  She knew she couldn't rent a storage area because they'd track it back to her.  So they'd have to make some plans.  She was not becoming a poor princess without a realm or a crown.  She heard the door slam and watched her father and mother leave together.  She went to empty the safe.  It was already empty of all the coins, the gold bars, and the money.

Thankfully she knew the other safes.  She called the lawyer.  "They're off.  Thank you."  She got into the area he suggested and found the rest full.  So she had means to do things.  To protect herself and her reputation.  Even if she had to make a deal with a gross, disgusting demon she would.  Speaking of, she called Rosenburg to get her ideas on hiding things. She had hidden things from her parents for years probably.

***

Cordelia met with the agent in the principal's office.  "Good afternoon."

"Miss Chase," he said, shaking her hand.  "We've recently gotten information from someone that your parents were avoiding their duty to the government."

"They're already out of the country."

He grimaced.  "We'll track them then."  He stared at her.  She handed over the paperwork she had in her bag.  "Due to the abandonment?"  She nodded.  "That's not a bad plan but anything they bought you could still be confiscated."

She stared at him.  "Most everything I own, outside my car, was bought by my trust from my grandmother."  He nodded at that.  "The house was Grandmother's and held in my name.  The car admittedly they bought me.  The clothes I bought from my trust.  Any jewelry I have is mostly passed down except a few things and I'm not liable for their debts."

"No you're not," he said, smiling at her.  "Though you're correct, your car is going to disappear."

"My trust can afford a new one."

He stared at her.  "You can sell the house and settle their debts."

She snorted.  "I'm not liable for their debts."

"No, you're not."  He stared at her.  "But the IRS can press the case and still seize the house.  Plus that means you'd have to pay taxes on it for the local community's property taxes, plus any employment taxes for the help."

She considered it.  "I may be willing to sell the house and get an apartment," she admitted.  "But if you make one move toward my trust I swear I'll call God down on your head."  She looked down at First's tug on her hand.  "Yes?"

The agent looked then at her.  "What's that?"

"That is the First Der.  He belongs to Harris.  Somehow."  She shrugged.  "He takes care of him.  What?"

"Your lawyer was raided and they're arresting him.  The accountant as well."

She nodded, looking at the agent.  "I'll let you seize the house and sell it if you leave my shit alone.  Permanently.  My trust, my college fund, the stuff my grandmother gave me, and my clothes."

He considered it, talking to his boss as he walked off.  The house would settle the tax debt nicely and then some.  He came back.  "Did you earn any income?"

"No.  Not outside the very crappy interest my trust is getting.  I think it gets something like two percent.  I'm sure the bank reported that."

He nodded.  "That's what tipped us off."

"Well, me letting you seize the house should be about the value of anything I owe that I didn't know I owed and theirs, right?" she asked.

He asked his boss that, getting an honest answer back.  "Jewelry?"

"Very simple things.  Diamond studs."  She pointed at the ones she was wearing.  "A few other minor things I bought.  Grandmother left me her locket, her wedding set, those sort of things.  They're mostly in the bank outside her locket."

He nodded, telling someone that.  The were brought to her.  She picked out what was her grandmothers and one thing, handing it over.  "That?" he asked.  "It's much too modern."

She smiled.  "It was a present from a friend for my eighth birthday.  The last good present I got.  It's only got sentimental value."  He looked and nodded, letting her keep that.

He sat down with her to work on the agreement.  It'd leave her without the house, her car, the country club membership, her help, but she'd get to keep her clothes, her grandmother's things, and her trust and college funds.  Plus the account she admitted was in her name overseas that she had found out about from the lawyer.  That was iffy and she'd have to pay a tax on it but not that much since it was small and in a country that didn't tax that high.

She made arrangements with that bank and then the local one.  She handed over her keys and the principal signed her out so she could pack the rest of her things.  She took the pictures with her.  One was an old oil painting and the agents had to discuss it.  "It's my great-grandmother," she pointed out.  "The last true bitch of the family.  I get it from her."  She smiled.  "By the way, Mother wanted warmth and she knows that killing him will get her the biggest insurance pay out.  My mother taught me to be practical above all else."

"Fine," the agent in charge agreed.  It went into her new storage area they rented for her.

Cordelia called the staff together, looking at them.  "I know you guys know that my parents fled the country.  They did it because they haven't paid the IRS in ten years."

"Thirteen," the agent in charge said.

"Is there enough for a small severance?" Cordelia asked quietly.

"In your trust?"

"I should kill them myself," she decided.  She looked at them.  "They're seizing the house.  They've got nearly everything of ours that wasn't from my grandmother.  Though the house was from my grandmother.  If I don't, they'll take more and I'll end up in foster care."  That got a nod from the older people.  "I'm really sorry," she sighed, looking down then at them.  "I should've killed them when I found out.  If I had enough money I'd pay you guys something but I basically have my college fund and enough to rent a tiny place."

"Your parents weren't good to work for anyway," the housekeeper said.  She smiled at her and patted her on the cheek.  "You were always better than them, Cordelia.  Keep that up, dear."

She smiled and nodded.  "I have every plan of it.  Even if I do kill them for this."  The staff all smiled at her.  "I'm sorry.  I wish it was different."

"We're not sure about your last paycheck but I'll put in the forms to pay you out of the sale of the house," the head agent said.  "I can't promise, but it'll probably sell for enough over to do that."  They nodded.  "If you live here, go ahead and pack."

"They should've been less cowardly and told you themselves," Cordelia said.  "I slapped my father for this."  The housekeeper beamed at her.  "They're probably heading south.  Mother said she wanted some warmth for her joints."  They went to pack.  She sighed, sitting on the stairs.  She looked at the agent.  "What if it doesn't sell for more?"

"We signed a settlement agreement.  That's all we need from you," he assured her.

She smiled.  "Thank you."  She stood up.  "Since I don't have a car, can I go complain to my friends?  I have things I need to get back from them, including about a thousand bucks."

"Fine," he agreed.  She went up to check her room, finding an old diary, then left with it.  He arranged for the IRS to take control of the property and clean it up for sale.  Not that they hadn't kept it very neat and in great condition.

Cordelia walked into the gym a few minutes later.  "Ladies."  She got sneered at by Harmony.  "Like it's my fault my parents didn't pay their taxes for thirteen years.  At least I got to keep my trust and things."  They all moaned.  She smirked.  "I'm not destitute but I need an apartment and I need something I can take care of myself since my trust won't pay for a weekly housekeeper.  Anyone got any ideas?  And speaking of, I want my clothes back please."  They all nodded.  "And if I loaned you money, that's my party fund now."

"No car?" Harmony sneered.

"They bought it."  She smirked.  "I lost the house and the car.  I got to keep everything else that mattered to me.  Houses can be changed.  New cars can be found.  Me losing my trust and college fund would be tragic."

"Good point," Harmony said.  "I wonder if my parents pay theirs."

Cordelia snorted.  "They use the same lawyer and he got arrested too."  She went to call her parents.  So did another girl.  "So, anyway, I need to look for a new place."

"There's a few over the stores," one of the girls said, twirling her hair around her finger.  Another popped her gum and nodded.

"Those are grungy," Cordelia complained.  "Let's get me somewhere I can lock and not have bugs."

"There's the new places out by the college but I'm told they're *major* expensive," gum girl said.

"Nicer," Cordelia agreed, considering it.  She called her new trust fund advisor.  "It's Cordelia.  What, exactly, is my housing allotment going to be?"  She listened.  "No they won't.  My trust should, yes.  Yes I did.  I faxed you that from the office at home."  He found it and read it over, telling her it was a good job.  "Thank you.  They said they'd give the former staff severance and their last checks if the house sold for more than the tax debt."

She listened.  "That's not a lot.  I have how much?  No, I should have at least ten times that.  Oh, that's yearly.  I'm fine with less shopping.  I don't pay school costs.  Yeah, that was my yearly shopping trip."  She went over the budget with him and nodded.  "All right, that'll work.  So my budget for housing is...."  She nodded.  "Got any ideas where that is in town?"  She smiled.  "That's fine.  Thank you."  She hung up.  "I can afford eight hundred a month."  The girls winced.  "And that place by the college is six but too far to walk to morning classes.  So nice but closer?"

"Sarah Hall's building," Lex said as he walked past the doorway.  "Safe, nice, smallish but stylish apartments but you can't throw parties.  No utilities either."

"That's not a bad idea," she sighed, glaring at the doorway.  Then at her friends.  "That's not totally unfashionable."  They nodded.  "Let's go look, ladies.  All my stuff is in storage."  They followed her over there to look at it.  The IRS was already breathing down Harmony's parents' neck and another person.  Pity.  "I really do have to find my parents and kill them for the insurance," she told the girls, who giggled.  "I swear they're stupid."

"Clearly."  Gum girl blew another bubble then popped it.  "How would Harris know?"

"After his father put him in the hospital that time he got emancipated so I'm guessing he looked at housing options for himself."

"Oh!  That's nice of them," gum girl said with a smile and a nod.  "Didn't his parents die?"

"His mother's MIA," Cordelia snorted.  "Maybe in Mexico, maybe dead.  His uncle's the same way.  His father ran from going back to jail and crawled into the morgue oven.  He's gotten much nicer since he moved with his cousins or whoever that old guy and Sam's brother are."

"Sam's cute," the other girl said.

Cordelia smiled and nodded.  "Should see his older brother Dean."  They grinned.  They found the house and the for rent sign, Cordelia borrowing a phone to call it.  The landlady met them and she had already heard about the IRS because she was tutting at Cordelia and pointing out nice places that had jobs open.  "I'll think about it.  I have a college fund that'll cover my rent for at least a year," she said.  The landlady smiled and nodded, showing her the tiny apartment.  "Um...  My clothes won't fit in there."  They went to look at the other one and it was nicer.  Better view too.  Fifty more dollars a month.

Still within her budget.  Still no utilities.  "I like this one."  The closet was still tiny but she'd make due.  She signed the lease and the friends helped her get her things over from storage.  It was even furnished so she didn't have to worry about that.  She sent the lease to her trustee, who said it was a good job and said he sent her state forms to fill out for aid.  Which she didn't want to be on, but it'd help and it'd look more normal, so draw less attention to her.  So she would but hide it well.

***

"The IRS got really mean," Lex said as he walked in.  "But Cordelia managed to protect herself a lot."

"They're more ruthless than some demons," John agreed.  "She good?"

"She's got an apartment, her trusts, and her clothes."  That got a nod.  "So she's lost some status but a lot of her friends now have the same problem.  Flutey gave over his office to the IRS agent in charge today."

"Did anyone ask you how you have money?" John asked.

"Yup, and I took him to a crypt and showed him.  Then I dusted the vamp that was complaining.  I confiscated his wallet and held it up.  The agent just nodded and walked off.  So apparently I'm good for now."  He grinned.  "Plus I turn in anything too noticeable and I report it as gambling income."  John snorted, shaking his head.  "You?"

"I haven't had income to report in years."

"This year you will," Dean quipped.  "Me too."

"That's fine.  I can file taxes again," John assured him.  "So can you."

Xander walked in and slammed the door.  "Geeze, ATF raided all the pawn shops in town.  What did we turn in this time?"

"I turned in some artillery I found," John admitted.  "In one's window."  Lex snorted, shaking his head.  "Our guns are registered?"  Lex shook his head.  So did Dean.  "Do we think...."

"Hidden," Fourth noted from his spot making plans.  "Lord Lex, do you want us to put up a third level?"

"I think the new level looks amazing," Xander said, giving him a hug.  "Thank you.  I got tired of hearing him have naughty dreams."  Fourth beamed at him.  "And thank you for the extra bathrooms too, Fourth."  He let him go back to work and went to get a snack.

"Eat real food," John called after him.

"Fine."

"Apocalypse patrol starts in a few weeks," Lex said quietly.

John looked at him.  "You've done good keeping him from the dirtier parts of hunting, Lex.  He's never going to turn into you."  Lex beamed at that compliment.  "Even if it does frustrate him to no end, it's a good thing.  Burnout gets you killed."  He walked off to answer the door.  "Lex, IRS agents?"

Lex looked out.  "What?"

"Gambling at your age?"the agent demanded as he walked in.

"I showed the one earlier."

"I heard."  He stared at him.  "There was only one of you born."

"Maybe."  He grinned and mentally summoned the demon.  He looked amused when he showed up.  "You tell 'im."

The demon stared at him, in full demon guise, and shrugged.  "It's a wish.  It brought him from a locked realm.  All the demons hate him because he's going to take over the town and keep the hunters out."

The IRS agent went to his own demon face.  "A wish?"  Lex beamed and nodded.  "Where are you from?"

"One where I was older, had fought a lot of things like during an ascension battle and all sorts of neat things."

"Shit," the demon muttered.  "Okay, so you're robbing vamps for income?"

"Not like they need it," John said.

"I turn in anything too huge," Lex said with a grin.  "The only weapons we keep are things like knives and useful things."  He pulled a sword down.  "This one was one."

The demons looked it over and it got put back on the wall.  The IRS demon shook his head.  "You lied about it."

"Hunting is a gamble with your health and life," Xander pointed out as he came out of the kitchen with his fruit salad.  "It's not like it's safe or healthy to do."  He ate a bite and swallowed.  "That's why he keeps me out of it."

"I can understand that urge," the IRS demon said.  "Fine.  From now on be a bit better at describing your job."

"Lazy world domination expert?" Xander offered dryly.  "No, that's Draco's job title.  Um... leader of the Army of Der?"  He pointed at them.

The demons looked and the wish demon went 'awww' until Fourth kicked him on the shin.

The IRS demon nodded.  "Okay," he decided.  "Put hunter."

"Hunter would get him noticed," John said.  "You don't make money hunting."

"I can put protection detail member," Lex said with a shrug.

"That'll work," he decided.  "Lay more low?"

"I only come to attention when I want to or I turn big shit in," Lex said with an evil smirk.  "I could be more naughty."

"Please don't."  They left and the family looked at each other, shrugging some.

"Thankfully we have a flat tax," Draco said as he joined them.  "It's much more simple."

"We have taxes?" Harry asked him.

"Yes, the goblins do it for us," Draco said dryly.  "It's part of the management fee you pay them, Potter."

"I don't pay fees."

Draco huffed and they went to the bank to make sure of that.  Before they had to replicate Cordelia's rant at the IRS with their own version.

Lex shrugged and grinned, stealing a grape from his twin's salad.  "Cool!"  He walked off humming.  "Who's going tonight?"

"Me," John said.

"Me too," Sam called from his room.  "If only so I can hopefully stake some of the jocks.  Even if they aren't undead."

John went to look at him.  "When did you sneak in?"

"After third period when I got suspended for the day for beating the ass of two of them.  Because they needed it."

Lex walked in and hugged him.  "From the girl you saved.  They're still very sorry though.  I sent them to the ER for you."  He grinned and walked out.

Xander snorted.  "I hit them with textbooks from Willow's locker."  Sam grinned.

John shook his head.  "Go do PT, boys."  They went to do that while Xander nibbled and Sam got a few pieces too.  Dean joined them to make it more fun by doing it shirtless.  Harry and Draco came back.  "You two good?"

"It was a plot by Fudge and Dumbledore," Harry said with a smirk.  "It got added to the suit."  He walked off.  "I'm going to destroy the Ministry if I have to.  Be damned if I want to deal with it."  He watched the boys do PT, staring in appreciation.

Draco looked over his shoulder.  "Sweaty  bodies should only be from when you're in the middle of smutty times."

"It gives them very nice butts," Harry said.

Dean smirked at him and wiggled his.  "Nice to know it's appreciated, Harry."

"It's very appreciated.  Even if you do sometimes think with it, Dean."  He walked off smirking.

"I don't want to know if you boys are getting together," John ordered from the living room.

"But it was fun grossing out the succuba," Harry quipped.  "She got really pouty and gave us puppy eyes and all that.  She finally renounced her claim and left to find a few frat boys.  Whatever they are."

"Still not as good as I am," Dean quipped.  Xander blushed.   "What?  You didn't have fun?"

"It was evil.  I had to get really overworked and I couldn't have the same sort of fun," he said quietly, blushing harder.

Dean smirked.  "That's what made her give up and we let you come eventually."

"It was hours later."  He looked at Sam.  "Was he nicer when you got laid the first few times?"

Sam blushed, shaking his head.  "No," he squeaked.  "Not even close."

Dean shrugged.  "I was a fantastic big brother and when my girlfriend of the moment wanted to teach him, I let her.  We gave him a good show and then let him learn it on his own."  He smirked at his baby brother.  "She thought you had natural talent, Sammy.  Guess it's genetic."

Sam glared at him.  "Dean, that was so wrong on many levels.  Shut up?" he begged.

"When was this?" John demanded from the doorway.

"Chicago," Dean quipped.

"He was fourteen," John noted.

"I was seventeen," Dean said.  "Just before my eighteenth and she was sixteen.  So it was legal!"  He went back to his pushups.  "He learned how to properly take care of any woman he beds, or walls, or back seat's," Dean quipped.

"I'm going to put you both into a monk's temple."  He stomped off.

Sam looked at his big brother.  "It'll never happen again."

"Sure, I won't share."  He grinned.  "More for me anyway, Sammy."

Sam shook his head.  "I like cleaner girls who don't want to share me with my brother.  It's a bit too kinky for me."

"Shut up!" John yelled.  "Before I spank you both!"  They went back to their PT.  Lex was giggling madly but oh well.  He already knew Lex was slowly sliding into insanity from too many bad battles.

***

Draco Der finished the pensieve spell, saving Lex's memories down.  He grinned at his bigger self.  "Done."

"Good job," he said, patting him on the back.  "Go get John for me?"  He hopped down and ran to do that.  John walked in and stared at the bowl.  "It's a pensieve.  It stores memories.  You can view them like you're beside them but not really interact."

"How do you do that?"

Draco took his hand and they went in.  Draco had read Lex's mind plenty of times.  Mostly when he decided to sulk for days on end.  John watched and came out shaking quickly like a dog out of the pond.  Draco looked at him.

"We can calm him down from that point," John decided.

Draco shook his head.  "He's going to do what he has to do so his other half is safe and protected and so none of that can happen."

"I get that but there's ways of doing it without convincing everyone that you're going to be the next evil thing to beat, Draco."

"Then the demons would fight harder."

John considered that, then nodded slowly.  "That's a real point in that plan's favor but there's a better way to do it more subtly so they don't challenge you."  He went to talk to Lex, who was reading a comic.  "Hey."  He sat down across from him.

"I knew what Draco had him do and why, John."

"I think you're being a bit too unsubtle.  I think you need to do some of that so you end up being a challenge point."

Lex nodded.  "Yeah, I'm doing that while we're on our post-grad road trip."  He grinned.  "Dean and Sam can hang around with popcorn and stuff if they want, or you, but you have to be blunt around here."  John outlined his plan and Lex pointed out where his diverged, and it wasn't too horrible of a compromise.  It'd keep Xander safer so Lex would bend his plans around some.  They could handle this and go on that wanted road trip that Lex missed having and Xander desperately wanted.  Guided by Dean and Sam's knowledge of things to visit and things they considered mandatory to see.  Xander was already working on his list.  "I will say that we'll need a decent car so we don't end up trapped in Oxnard."

John nodded.  "I'm already looking for you two."  He smiled.  "Let us handle some of it.  Draco's been missing some of his meaner days.  I can help too."

"I know.  I figured you'd jump in and help."  He shrugged.

"I am."  He smirked.  "Good boy."  He got up.  "How long is your list?"

"Very.  Orlando's on it, a few other places."

"I'll see what I can do about finding an older hunter's ride.  That way you can carry some weapons."  He walked off to call his buddies.  Sunnydale did warp one, a lot, but they desperately needed more hunters.  That way Buffy could handle the huge things with the other two slayers that were called.

***

Giles smiled at the two young slayers that walked into his library, followed by a single watcher.  "Kendra, he didn't come with you?" he asked, shaking her hand.  Then Faith's and her watcher, Linda's, hand.

"No, he said it is my duty," she said, her Jamaican accent strong.

"But that's his job," Linda told her.

"He raised her," Giles said then coughed.  "It may not be something he can stand to see."

"I guess I can understand that.  I hate every time Faith gets hurt too."  She noticed the extra people.  "We're hosting a convention?"

Giles smiled.  "Not quite.  This is Xander, Willow, and Jesse, Buffy's friends who help with research and the occasional apocalypse battle.  The one who looks stunningly like Xander is Lex, who slipped realities from one farther ahead, which is why we've had very few real apocalypse attempts."  He smiled at the kids.  "This is John Winchester."

"I've heard of you and your sons," Linda said.

"Lex knew my boys in his realm and he clearly needed a parental figure so I volunteered.  Sammy's still in school with Buffy."  He smiled and shook the slayers hands.  "Welcome to the hellmouth, ladies."

"It's been mostly calm recently," Xander offered with a grin.

"For now," Lex agreed.  "We have to see if the Sisterhood of Jhe is in town though."  Giles nodded, making notes of that.  "Anyway," he said, grinning at the ladies.  "In my world, you were called after I did CPR on Buffy, Kendra."  Faith shuddered.  "Yeah.  But hey, no torturing vampire?" he asked hopefully.

"We managed to escape him, barely," Linda said.

"We have a good first aid box, and we can do stitches if you need them," Willow said with a happy grin.  "I learned from my parents textbooks and John learned in the Marines."

"No, we're fine now, thank you, dear."  She smiled.  "What part do you younger three play beyond backup?"

"Research," Jesse said with a grimace.  "I still hate that squiggly line language, Giles."

"Stick with Latin," John told him.  "It's pretty handy within the community."  Jesse nodded he understood that.  "And when you're older, and can escape the town, I'll give you a few numbers so you can call hunters if something's going on near you."  Jesse beamed at him.  So did Willow.  He looked at Linda and the girls.  "There's two others that live with the boys, but they're being shyly British today," he said dryly.

"Some of ours?" Linda asked him.  Lex pulled his wand and put it on the table.  "Oh!"  She nodded quickly.  "I've heard rumors."

"Harry and Draco are pretty nice but Draco's a bit smug and semi-royal," Lex said dryly.

"Hmm, I've heard many of them are," Linda sighed.

"I'm learning from Draco," Willow said.

"We love that you're finding control," Giles assured her with a smile.  She smirked back.  He smiled at the girls.  "We made arrangements for you to stay at the hotel closer to my place.  It's fairly clear and clean.  Buffy cleaned out a bunch of the vampires the other night."  She shook her head.  "I told you to," he reminded her.  She pointed at Lex.  "Oh, well, thank you, Lex."

He smirked.  "They ran for Mexico before I blew in their sanctuary space."

"Charming," Giles said.  John swatted him.  "Thank you, John."  Joyce walked in.  "Ah, Joyce Summers, this is Watcher Linda Hamilton.  She's Faith's watcher.  She's the pretty brunette, and the other beautiful young slayer is Kendra.  Who is from Jamaica."

"Pleasure, ladies," she said with a smile, shaking their hands.  "I've got it set up to invite you to dinner tomorrow night before patrol?"

"You're Buffy's mother?" Linda asked.

"Yes.  Buffy wasn't found until a few years back," she said dryly.  "And she managed to hide it for a few years.  When I found out, I decided she's still got a mother for a reason."

Linda smiled and nodded.  "Most of us start to see our trainees as our children."  She smiled at Faith, then at Kendra.  Who shrugged.  "Kendra, how did you get up here?"

"Plane.  Why?"

"No bags, dear?" Joyce asked.  "I can drive you over to the motel after we're done working on things."

Kendra shrugged.  "I only need the one outfit."

"Ohmygod, that's almost heresy," Buffy moaned.  "Mom?"

"There's slayer upkeep funds," Linda said with a smile.  "I had to get Faith a few new things because she's growing."

"I had to redo Buffy's wardrobe.  She was going out in fashionable things to hunt," Joyce admitted.  "Including skirts."

Linda gave her an odd look.  "You let her shop?"

"Yes, she's always shopped.  She used to be a cheerleader."

"Hmm.  That's very different than how most of the girls are raised."  Kendra nodded quickly.  Faith too.  "Then again, I had to adopt you."

"Saved me from going on the streets," Faith reminded her quietly.

Lex got up and hugged her.  "It'll be okay."  He stared at her.  "We don't expect you to be anyone but Faith, and if someone tries to make you be Buffy, tell me and I'll beat their asses."  Faith cackled.  He grinned.  "Anyway.  Kendra, if you need to shop, so could Willow.  That way you have enough for a whole week so you don't have to do laundry naked."

"It's not necessary," she said with a blush.

"Oh, please!" Buffy sighed.  "Every girl needs at least three outfits.  That way she can change and do laundry.  Faith?  We can go over where the bigger hotspots in town are on the way to the mall?" she suggested.

"I could use a hot pretzel," Faith admitted.  "I don't really need clothes though."

"Xander, go help them please?" Joyce asked.

He gave her a look.  "They're super strong girls.  Why would they need a guy's help?  Guys don't shop."

"That's an ugly shirt and I'm so ripping it off you to replace it," Buffy ordered.  "And sometimes you need a guy's opinion.  C'mon."  He sighed but he and Willow both got up.  "Jesse?"

"No way in any form of Tartarus or hell," he said firmly.  "Eww!  Unless I get to watch you three model things in Viccy's?"  They all glared.  He smirked back because that's the response he wanted.  "That's the only reason guys should go shopping with girls."

"Fine.  Xander, heel."  He huffed but followed her out, taking the card that her mother handed her.  Giles handed over the slayer support card he had.  Linda as well.  "Thanks, guys."  She grinned and led them out.  "This is the high school, of course.  The hellmouth was back between the table and the check-in desk."  Kendra shuddered.  "Yeah, but the guy who built the town had the idea that he wanted to turn into a giant snakey demon.  Thankfully he got arrested by Feds for being over ninety or something."  She shrugged.  "He looked like he was forty when they showed him on the news."

"An ascension?" Kendra asked.  "Those are rare."

"He's gone though so no big snakey demon Lex said his world had to blow up in the school."  She grinned.  "Which is probably better anyway."

"I don't know, it might've been cool but he had the old VP as his principal for most of his time in," Xander said dryly.

"Eww.  They let Snyder rule?" Willow asked, looking at him.  He nodded.  "Why?"

"Flutey died during our sophomore year, Wills."

"Oh.  Eww.  Well I guess it's better he fell down the stairs and got a major brain injury.  Because he was a troll."

"A real one?" Kendra asked.

"Trolls are real?" Faith asked, looking at her.

"Yeah," Xander said.  "Harry said he fought with one his first year of school in Scotland.  Big, hairy, and really dumb.  Snyder was the small, angry sort that you see living under a bridge in books."

Buffy cackled.   "That's a bad image.  Sorry."  She shook her head to clear it.

Faith looked at Kendra.  "Which ones are real?"

"I've heard of both but usually the bridge living ones are a different form of demon than a troll.  Most of the trolls I know about are larger sorts."

"Thankfully we don't have many of those here.  Or do we, Xander?"

"Three out by the college last time Draco complained?  I think."

"Huh."  She nodded.  They headed outside and ran into Dean.  "Cool, a ride!  Ladies, this is Dean, he's John's older son."  The girls shook his hand.  "They need clothes."

"I only need a hot pretzel," Faith assured her.  "I have a whole week's worth of clothes."

Dean nodded.  "We'll do a quick tour of town on the way."  They got into the back, while Xander ran off to hide, and he pointed out with Buffy where all the cemeteries, the demon bars, all the important parts were.  Including briefing them about the military unit under the college.  That was still bothering John so they wanted to stay out of their way.  He got them out at the mall, taking Faith to the food court and then pointing at where Buffy was hanging out with Kendra.  They sighed but Faith clearly needed backup with Buffy.  This was how Buffy knew to bond with girls so he'd help her keep more calm while they talked weapons.  Faith only knew a few.  Kendra had trained in many of them.  Buffy gave her awed looks and talked about the ones she had.  It was good.

***

Lex came in from patrol that night, struggling out of his gooed on shirt to hand over to Fourth, who was grimacing.  "Slime demons in the sewers.  They wanted to welcome the two slayers too."  He stripped off his pants and handed them over too.  "Thanks, Fourth."

"Welcome, Lord Lex.  The unit that went with you has already come back and showered so there's hot water."

"Thank the Goddess."  He trudged that way.

"Clothes are required outside your bedroom," John ordered when they passed each other in the hallway.

"Fouth has them to soak the slime off."

"Eww," Sam said.  "Sewer?"  Lex nodded.  "You're later than the Der unit.  You good?"

"I walked the slayers back to Joyce's.  They're having a sleepover/movie night thing."  He stretched on his way up to his room.  Xander looked at him and opened the bathroom door.  "Thanks, nicer half."

"Welcome, evil bastard."

"If I was more evil, the slime demons would've wanted sex, which is disgusting."  He went to shower.

Dean Der shook his head, going to get the special goo soap for his Lord and Master.  He handed it over and smirked.  "At least it's not cold water.  Think how embarrassing that would be."

"It's only embarrassing if someone's filming it," he said dryly.  Dean Der walked off cackling.  Lex sighed but got down to scrubbing.  Maybe he'd summon a succuba to help and get some cheap, tawdry, loud, fun sex?

"If it hits on me, I'm going to have Dean slay it," Xander called from their common area.  Because he knew Lex needed stress relief and no matter what he slept with it wouldn't be nice and fun.

"Fine."  He shrugged.  "Just a succuba."

"Cool with me then."

"No way in hell!" John shouted up the stairs.  "No summoning succuba into the house, boys."

"But I could use the stress relief and you won't let me pounce your sons," Lex called from the shower.  The Der all cackled.  "That's it, we need to go to Tijuana this weekend," he decided.  Sam leaned in.  "Tijuana?"

"Tequila's cheaper at the liquor store," he pointed out.

"Yeah but we have parents here.  I'm not used to parents."

Sam smirked.  "Dad's taking this weekend to visit a hunter we know and check in."

"Cool."  They shared an evil smirk then Sam went down to tell Dean that.

"Hey, Xander, do we want to stop in Oxnard on our trip?" Lex asked.  "I know last time we broke down there and I ended up stripping.  We could both strip.  It'd make one hell of a show."

"Why was I stripping?" Xander asked, blushing hard.  He noticed Dean Der staring at him and glared.  "What?" he complained.

"You're cute when you blush, Lord Xander.  By his memories, the car broke down and that's the only job he could find.  He only did it a few times but he made good money."

Xander blushed brighter, shaking his head quickly.  "I don't think I could do that."

Lex came out of the shower with a towel around his waist.  "It was actually kinda fun after the third time.  Girls cooing at us.  Wanting to touch."

"How many of them were psychos?" Xander asked.

"A few.  They tipped great."

"No thanks," Xander said, getting back to his homework.

"Okay.  I'll route us around Oxnard."  He walked into his room with an evil smirk.  There were people who'd pay tons to see them both stripping and it was harmless teasing of the bad boys and girls in the world.

Dean Der walked in and hopped up onto the bed then walked over to leap to the dresser so he could look at his master.  "He's still shy."

"That's because at that age we've only had a few hand jobs.  I didn't get any until I was over seventeen."

"Really?" Dean Der asked.  Lex nodded with a grin.  "Huh.  Well, at least you fixed that for him.  No innocence problems."

"Yeah, there was a shape changer who wanted virgins to fertilize her eggs.  That way he didn't get caught by her."

Dean Der gave him an odd look.  "Not even Sammy or Sammy Der can do that, Lex."

Lex smirked.  "She was our science sub."  Dean Der shook his head with a moan.  Lex patted him on the head then put him on the floor.  "Go freak out your dad if you want."  Dean Der ran out to do that.  Lex put on pajama bottoms without anything underneath them then walked out to help Xander with his homework.  Lex had passed his GED when Flutey had demanded.

John walked up to the doorway of their suite.  "Is that shape changer still alive?"

"Buffy drove her off but the others hang out at Sullivan's Music Store," Xander said dryly.  "They think we're cute too."

"Yup, they usually do," Lex agreed.  The twins shared a grin then at John.

"Let's not play with demons, boys?  Please?"

"Sure, we'll go find someone nicely bad girl to date," Lex assured him with a grin.  "Xander could use laid again."

"Frisk her for weapons," John complained as he walked off.

"That's part of my job as his assistant," Dean Der quipped.  Sammy Der cackled, nodding.  "We need some female Der, Lord Draco."

Draco looked at him.  "I can only make from people I know, Dean.  Do you really want Buffy or Willow Der?"

"No, that's all right," Dean said, walking off shuddering.  "I may never get an erection again thanks to that thought."

"You guys can get hard?" Jesse asked from the couch he was trying to sleep on.  "Huh."

"Yeah," Dean Der said with a leer.  "Very hard."  Lex Der swatted him.  "What, bitch?"

"Keep it up.  I'll find a woman for Draco to make us."  Dean shivered and moaned, shaking his head.

"Please don't make any of the homicidal ones Der," First complained, staring at them.  "We're all you, Lex Der.  It'd seriously screw up the younger Der."

"Yeah, that might," he sighed.  "Maybe Faith?"

"She's a beautiful woman," Draco agreed.

"I'd tap that," Dean Der and Sammy Der both agreed.

"We'll see," Draco said.  "I'll offer."  They nodded and went back to playing in the new basement area.  They had set up a Der workout area, a training, and sparring area.  He looked at his cohort, shaking his head.  "I did a great thing creating them."

"You did.  Our lives would be boring and worse without the Army of Der, Draco.  They spoil us rotten.  They take care of us when we're fussy and sick.  It's better than a wife in a lot of ways."

"The Nagging One did make you a pretty wife, Lady Harry," First Der teased with a  smirk.

Harry smirked back.  "If you were bigger, I'd spank you for that and make you beg me to be less mean to you."

First cackled.  "Of course you would, Lord Harry.  It'd be a lot of fun."  He winked and strolled off to check on things.

Sammy Der was cackling as he climbed up Harry to hug him.  "You would make a great wife, Lord Harry.  Even in boy form."  Harry poked him but Sam just grinned.  "You do like to fuss.  That's why you fuss at Ron so much."

"Sometimes, yeah.  Speaking of, I should write them."  He used Lex's owl so it wouldn't draw attention to himself.  He sent his owl Hedwig to Mrs. Weasley to let her know they were okay.  Then he sat down to read with Sam Der.  They shared a taste in muggle books.

Draco shook his head.  "You could've flooed."

"If they're mad, I'd rather hear this way."

"Good point.  Weasley does have a temper."

Harry nodded.  "That's why I addressed it to Hermione, so she could tell Ron.  Just in case."

"If my owl gets hurt, I'm going to destroy them both," Lex called down the stairs.

"I put on the envelope it was a friend's owl," Harry called.

"Thank you."

Harry and Draco shared a look.  "We need to get into trouble," Harry decided.

Draco sneered, shaking his head.  "That is not my style, Potter.  Even if I'm bored."

"Lord Lex had been thinking about summoning a succuba to taunt," Sam Der told him.

"We haven't taunted a succuba in a while," Draco agreed.

"No succuba!" John called from where he was researching.

"We'd need liquor anyway," Harry told him.  "And we don't have any in the house."

Lex came bouncing down the stairs.  "I hate ingrown hairs."  He went into the kitchen.

"What are you looking for, Lord Lex?" Fourth asked.

"Honey.  I have an ingrown hair and it's nasty."  Fourth handed over a packet.  "Thanks."  He grinned.  "I'll make sure it won't get on the sheets."

"Thank you.  Twenty would appreciate that."  They shared a smirk and Lex went back upstairs.

"If you want, I can pop a pimple," Sam Der offered.

"It's an ingrown pubic hair, Sammy Der.  I can put honey on it to kill it.  But thanks."  Sammy Der grinned at him.

"That's a weird thought I didn't want," John complained.

Lex hugged him from behind.  "It's all right.  I'd never screw my Army of Der.  They're too small," he said in his ear.  "Quit having bad thoughts about my cute ass, John.  Before I pounce the real Sammy."  He went back up to his room to put the honey on the small spot and then covered it with gauze.

"Another thought I didn't want," John complained.

"Two more days and you can go see Bobby," Dean Der quipped with a grin.  "I'm sure he'd help you get drunk so you don't have to see our pretty asses playing with Xander and Lex."

"I should bring one of you with me so Bobby can get the same funny thoughts I am."

"We are adorable," Sammy Der quipped.   "Or you could introduce him to Lord Lex."

John looked at him.  "I made a paddle just for people your size, Samuel Winchester."  Sammy Der beamed and hopped off, running to hide behind Dean.  Either of them.

Harry was snickering in his seat.  Jesse was asleep on the other couch and Draco was shaking his head while he read some thriller murder mystery book.

The Der did bring a lot to their lives.

***

Very late Friday night, John got out of his truck and slammed the door, hiking up to the old house at the salvage yard.  "Bobby, put that holy water in a beer for me please?" he called as he walked.  "I'm going nuts."

Bobby handed over the shot of holy water and the requested beer chaser, watching him gulp them both then go for a second one.  "The boys try to set you up again?" Bobby  Singer teased with a grin.

"No!  Worse."  He got another beer and came out to show him pictures of the Sam and Dean Ders next to their bigger selves.  "One of those wand wizard sorts made them for someone else."  He drank more of his beer.  "They're driving me nuts."

"Are they robotic?"

"No.  Real live little smartasses.  Bleed red blood and all that."  He got a third beer because this one wasn't going to last.

Bobby flipped through the pictures.  The whole army of little smartasses and their bigger selves.  Including a picture of the massed military units.  Bobby moaned, looking at John, taking the beer he had gotten him.  "Why make them?"

"I told you about Lex and Xander?"  Bobby nodded, opening his beer to take a gulp.  "Draco made them for Lex when they were confined."

"Jesus," Bobby muttered.  "You good beyond the mind warping?"

John nodded.  "Sunnydale's calming down a lot.  Lex has got a lot of them scared to death of him.  Plus now there's three slayers called."  He took a smaller sip and put his bottle down.  "The Sam Der and the Lex Der pounced the Harry Der for breakfast and I had to protest them trying to strip Sam's little half."

"Der?"

"They were named after Xander."

"Oh."  He nodded, taking a drink.  "You need to go back to hunting."

"I don't mind staying around until things are calm.  Sam's doing great in school.  He likes being in one place.  We have nightly patrols so I go out about four days a week.  Some of those vamps are tougher than I expected.  The demon species that're peaceful usually stay out of the way of everything but some are strange and a few are downright weird."  He took another sip.  "We have the death rate down below fifteen percent."

"Congratulations," Bobby said with a smirk.  "There's a few ghosts."

"I'm exhausted.  The boys play and smart off at each other.  Draco and Harry occasionally fight and shoot hexes at each other.  Sometimes in play and sometimes not.  Plus Draco's teaching a witch on the team out there.  He even assigned my Dean homework since apparently they have a small gift."  He stared at him.  "Lex likes the really evil bad girls.  Xander would like someone a bit nicer than evil but Lex lets them pounce him too.  Lex was talking about where he got stranded during his last roadtrip.  He ended up stripping a few times for money."  Bobby shuddered.  "He wants to take Xander there and teach him."

"Sounds like young, stupid guy fun," Bobby agreed.

John stared at him.  "Last time Lex drew every bad thing in a six county radius.  He did it at the demon club Thursday for beer money and because he was bored.  The three slayers showed up to watch with Joyce, at his invitation, and they got a lot of slaying in when the bad ones rushed the stage.  Buffy quipped he should do it more often so she could hunt more easily.  Xander heard about it and hid in a closet cuddling Dean Der."

"I'm sure they're cute together," Bobby taunted with an evil smirk.

"They play too much more and I'm going to pull out a shotgun to marry them and the two Winchester Der off," he said dryly, draining that beer.

"What're they doing this weekend?"

"I firmed up the wards so they can't summon a succuba and torment them but otherwise, no clue."  Bobby cackled.  "Not joking," he said dryly.  He got up.  "Get you another one?"

"Go easy on those," Bobby said.  "They're the last I have."  John handed him a hundred bucks.  "Fine, I'll get more of the good stuff."  He laughed all the way to the store and back about how bad John's mind was going.  Even if they are cute, they're just boys.  Not even Sam could get into that much trouble.  Dean wouldn't allow it.

***

John walked into the house Sunday night, staring around.  Something stunk a whole lot.  He slammed the door.  No boys.  He went to look hoping they weren't injured.  Nope, stone drunk and dogpiled.  Xander was underneath Sam and Dean, and had Harry Der patting his head.  John stared at the Der.

"I didn't buy them the extra tequila," Harry Der defended.  "That was Lex's idea."

"Figures.  Where is Lex?"  Harry Der pointed with an evil smirk.  He looked and John blushed for the first time in over twenty-three years as he walked off.  He did not want to know how Harry and Draco had done that to him.  Or if it took more than those two.  "Get them to bed.  Tonight."

"Once they wake up I will," Harry Der agreed.

Dean Der lifted his head from where it was pillowed on Lex Der's ass, which was on Lex's ass.  "They're snoring.  It'll be hours."

"I wonder if they remember they have tests tomorrow," Draco muttered.  The Der moved so he could have the comfy, soft sleeping spot to lie on.  They laid on his back instead.  "Itchy."  Dean Der scratched it for him.  "Thank you."  He yawned and drifted off again.

The rest of the army got woken up at dawn for morning PT by John.  Who was scowling but oh well.  They deserved a weekend off duty.  They'd had just as much fun as their bigger selves had.   Tequila and all.  John came up to wake up the boys, finding most of them in the shower and Xander grunting in the kitchen as he ate a bowl of cereal standing up.  "Hangover?" he asked loudly.

"Fuck off," he mumbled, stuffing his mouth again.  He glared at him.  "Your sons are evil."  John smirked.  "For that, I should tell the incubus to come do a replay for you."  He walked off, limping a bit.  "Dean, Sam, your father's up," he called as he walked.  "He wants to know what you did to me."

"Tell him to sit on a watermelon, should end up with the same result," Dean called back.

"Dean Winchester!" John shouted.

"Ow," Sam muttered as he came out holding his head.  He walked around his father, finding the advil.

"Hangover?" John asked dryly.

"Vision," he said grimly.  "Hangover went away last night."  He walked off again.  "Guys, school."

"Bite me," Xander called.  "I can't sit."

"Tests," John called, sounding chipper.

"First, go blow up the damn school, all but the library please?" Xander demanded.

"We can do that," First said, going to the weapons cabinet.  "Let's see.  That's for the sanctuaries downtown....  We should warn Mrs. Summers first."  He called her and she went into panic mode.  The school went up and it set off the cascading charges all over town to destroy all the bad demon sanctuaries and to open most of them up to the sun.  "Ah!  Better."   John gave him a horrified look.  He grinned.  "Lord Xander demanded, John."  He skipped off humming.

Lex came down the stairs, setting off one that hadn't went off.  "There, got the fuckers under the college too," he said dryly, going back upstairs.  "I'm going to bed.  Night, John."

John was spluttering and choking.  "What the hell did you do!" he demanded, stomping up to the boys' room.

"Poof goes the vampires?" Xander guessed from where his head was stuffed in his pillow.

"Yup.  And the library's still standing," Lex agreed.  "So the hellmouth won't be bothered."

"We went to rearrange things on Mr. Giles anyway," Fourth said, popping in with coffee cups.  "They're all in storage.  I left him a note on the desk."  He popped out before John could say anything.

Lex nudged Xander, handing him the mug.  "Coffee?"

"Ow," he whined as he flipped over.  "You're mean to me too, Lex."  John started to choke again.

"Dad," Dean complained.  "Don't die on us or we're calling you back as a zombie."  He walked around him, taking Lex's coffee.  "Thank you, I need that.  For some reason I have a bad taste in my mouth."

"Yeah, that was licking the tequila you spilled off the carpet," Lex said, taking his coffee back.  "Maybe you should have someone do CPR on your dad?  If I did it, he might think I was flirting because all badasses love me."  He grinned.

It was that smirk that brought John out of his shock and made him paddle Lex until he felt better about him being alive.  No matter how much the Der tried to save him, it wasn't going to work.

Xander got up and knocked John out from behind with a nerve pinch.  "Don't paddle him.  He'll want me to rub de-ouching cream into his butt."  He went back to bed.

"Dude, ice pack?" Sam offered from the doorway.  "The last time he got me like that for nearly dating a shape changing demon, I needed one."  Lex took it with a pout and went to curl up in Dean's bed.  Since Dean had gotten him spanked.  Dean Der curled up with him to make sure he felt better.  The rest laid down around Harry, Xander, and Draco to make sure they didn't die in their sleep.  Draco was still mightily drunk and Harry was at the babbling stage of mentally loose.

They enforced a sleep spell on John and called him off work citing a migraine from the lack of sleep because he had a 'break down on the road and it made him drive longer'.  His boss was sure it was fine since the garage was still all right.  Though they had no idea what had happened to the gas lines in town.

***

Joyce got let into the house by Harry Der, who blinked at her.  "Where is that little evil bastard?"

"The house is full of them," he pointed out.  "Which one?"

"Lex."

"In bed.  John paddled him for the weekend off we had."  He grinned.

"What happened to the gas lines?"  She stared down at him.

Harry, never having seen the 'mother' look shrugged.  "Why do you ask?"

"Don't play cute, Harry Der."  She went to find the others.  Dean was up.  "What was that?" she demanded.

"Lex's brilliant plan to take out most of the vamps?" Dean guessed.  She glared, starting to tap a foot.  Dean had only had a mom for four years but he knew that look and body language.  "I didn't do it and there's no more bad demon sanctuary areas."  She glared harder.  "He's napping in my bed after Dad tanned his ass, Joyce.  Go talk to the boy."  She stomped that way.  Dean got more coffee and went to hide Xander.  The whole Der Army was in hiding now too.  Dean got Sam and they went to look over the damage.  They started at the school, which was mostly in rubble, except the area around the library.  Giles was staring in horrified awe from the hood of his car.  Dean walked over.  "The Army decided you needed better organization," he said quietly.

Giles swallowed and looked at him.  "Excuse me?"

"They were shifting stuff this weekend.  Said they left a note on your desk about which storage area they were using."  Giles hurried past the fire department people to check.  Dean followed.  "He's checking his priceless collection of ancient books."

"Latin smut," Sam said with a grin.

"Doesn't surprise me about someone British," one of the firemen mumbled.  "The last one we had in town had a demon porn fetish."

The brothers caught up with Giles in the library, smirking at his awed look.  The entire library was empty.  "Huh," Sam said.  "They did great work.  Even though most of them were kinda drunk."

"And sore from the orgy," Dean agreed.

Giles looked at him.  "That's a disgusting thought, thank you, boys."  They grinned.  "The family?"

"Lex is sleeping off the paddling dad gave him," Sam said with a grin.  "Joyce is over though so he might be awake by now."  Giles winced and hissed.  "Xander was being watched over by my Der.  Harry and Draco by theirs and Lex's Ders so they didn't die in their sleep from the drinking last night."

"Or our orgy," Dean added.

"Your mind needs a forward button to change tracks," Buffy said as she walked around them.  "What the hell?" she demanded quietly.  "My mother totally threw a teenage girl hissy!  Like a thirteen-year-old-girl hissy!"

Dean nodded.  "So did Dad on Lex's ass."

"Mom and your dad could do worse than each other."  She shrugged and walked off shaking her head.  "Giles, what're they doing about school?"

"No one has any idea, Buffy."

"Good!"  She beamed.  "No history test.  No math test.  No science class!" she shouted cheerfully.  "I need pompoms."

Dean looked at her.  "Don't give me mental images you'd be grossed out by, Buffy."

She pinched him on the arm.  "I'm much too good of a good girl for you, Dean.  I don't put out."  She walked off happier, meeting up with Kendra and Faith.  "Looks like school's off for at least a few days."  The other slayers gave her odd looks.  She grinned.  "No tests!"

Faith nodded.  "You need a nap."

"I could use a latte.  My treat?"  She walked them to the Espresso Pump to get them something yummy to snack on.  Slayers needed food.  She ran into her mother getting a brownie.  "Everyone else okay?  Beyond Dean's dirty mind?"

Her mother sighed but nodded.  "Yes.  Even though I want to beat the crap out of them for it."  Her daughter hugged her.  "Whoever did this, I have a hairbrush for them."

"Oooh," Buffy said, unconsciously trying to tuck her butt further between her legs.  "Poor people."  The slayers sat down to go over what they knew so far.  There was a lot of damage.  Both colleges got some.  A lot of downtown's streets had caved in.  A few buildings too.  They looked up at a new rumble of explosion.  "Where was that?"

"The college I think," Joyce said, looking that way.  "That's where the fire department is heading."  The three slayers all groaned and shook their heads.  "Maybe it did something to that covert project up there."  Buffy smirked.  The other two looked confused so Joyce told them what they knew.  The other two gave her horrified looks.  Buffy nodded.  "I'm told by Lex that my daughter there had bad enough taste to date one but he turned against them."

Buffy nodded.  "Eww."  Joyce laughed.  "I should have better taste.  At least for now."  She finished her coffee.  "Let's hit Willie's?" she suggested.  The other two slayers nodded and finished their drinks on the way there.  They walked in, Buffy in the lead.  She cleared her throat and the complaining demons all stared.  "It wasn't us."

"Bull!" one shouted.  "It was that bastard Lex!  I saw some of those mini hims planting some of those explosives!"

"Okay, well, yeah, it might've been Lex."  She shrugged.  "He did say he was going to turn Sunnydale into a peaceful community and sanctuary by the end of his road trip."  Kendra gave her an odd look.  "Apparently he got really burnt out on the fighting stuff since they had multiple apocalypse battles, and at least one huge one every year."  Kendra shuddered. "Yeah, from what I'm told they were pretty bad."  Buffy looked at Faith, who was shifting her weight.  "All right, let me call him...."

"Never mind," one said, starting to pout.  "If we're harmful a bunch of us are willing to move."

"I think his definition of peaceful is 'doesn't eat humans'," Faith told them.  "No hunting, no attacking, nothing like that."  That cheered a few up.

"Mom said they have a huge hangover," Buffy said, "but I can call."  Fourth patted her on the knee.  "Hi, Fourth."  She smiled.

"Lord Lex said that as long as you weren't going to eat his future pets, his nicer half, any of us, or any other human, you were more than welcome to stay."  The demons nodded at that.  "Anyone else.... well, they don't have homework anymore."  He smiled.  "It was a brilliant plan."  He winked at one, who shivered.  "Also, that program torturing demons?  We're not happy.  The whole Army wasn't happy with them.  Lord Draco got so upset he actually swore using a muggle term."  A few demons started to cry.  "So I believe that their command center is now down.  Their cells could probably be easily released?"  A few demons made calls on their way up there.

"Should we help?" Buffy asked.  "I heard they weren't careful to not take the peaceful ones."

"That may be appreciated but if you did so, the city's workers would wonder, Slayer."

"Good point.  Can some of you guys go help empty those cells?"

"Of course."  He smirked.  "Mini Der are excellent at locks.  They have to be before they're put on a team."

Kendra looked at Buffy.  "They're demons."

"There's peaceful ones," Buffy reminded her.  "This military unit...."  She sighed as she sat on a table to look at her sister slayer.  "The government wanted to do their own classification manual, Kendra.  To do that they captured a bunch of demons, peaceful and not."  Kendra nodded she got that part.  "And then they did experiments on them like they didn't have brains and feelings and felt pain and things."

"Oh," she said, scowling.  "But that's not ethical."

"Yes, but there's idiots in charge in some places in the government," Faith said dryly.  "Ask any kid in the system and they'll tell you that."

Buffy nodded.  "There were when I got put in the hospital due to burning down a gym full of vampires."  Kendra winced.  "Exactly, yeah.  Pretty colors with the pills though.  Mom only found out recently about all this.  To say she was upset.... little bit of an understatement.  Mom didn't eat anything but ice cream for nearly a week."

Faith snorted.  "At least your mom's around, B."

"Yeah, I'd have went insane a long time ago without my mom."  She grinned.  "Linda seems to mom you pretty well."

Faith nodded.  "She does, yeah.  She's real careful not to push any buttons I learned but she's a pretty decent mom.  If a bit strict about diet and stuff."

"My mom got a recipe book that Lex had in his stuff from his version of my mom.  She'd share.  It's even got stuff to get goo out of laundry."

"I might get her to look at it.  I hate salads."  Buffy snickered and nodded.

"They aren't tasty but they're good for you," Kendra admitted with a grimace.  "I prefer chicken from the grill."

"John has a grill," Buffy said.  "We can find you spices since I know you guys eat spicier stuff.  I went to a Jamaican restaurant in LA once and had heartburn for three days."

"You learn to like the spices," Kendra said with a slight smile, ducking her head.  "Do you think they'd mind?"

"No.  I think John would let us cook out there or bring it to Mom's.   After all, he's done the same job we do for two decades almost."

One of the demons cleared his throat.  "What?"  Buffy looked at him.  "That older guy and his sons?  They're hunters?"

"Yeah, that's John Winchester and his sons Sam and Dean.  Thankfully they killed the demon after Sam."  She grinned.  The demon was making squeaky, horrified noises.  "Guys, is he choking?  I have no idea how to do CPR for his kind."

The bartender coughed.  "He's *that* John Winchester?"  Buffy smirked and nodded.  "Oh, damn it!"

Dean strolled in.  "I heard Winchester and swearing by demons so I thought I'd come look smug and yet handsome at the same time."  He smirked.  "You didn't realize we were us?"  They all shook their heads.  "Yeah, in Lex's world, they decided I was going down the same burnt out, could slip over the edge of evil path and sent me and Sammy with him, Harry, and Draco.  You would not believe the shit we learned from each other."  The demons all groaned.  He smirked at the ladies.  "Lex is still hung over and Xander's refusing to sit."  Faith cackled.  "You could've joined in."

"No way in hell," she said firmly.

Fourth smirked at her.  "We do need some female Der to learn how to flirt with, Slayer Faith.  Draco would if you asked him.  That way you had someone to talk to when you needed to but were alone."

Faith looked down at him.  "You guys are all probably just as kinky as the twins are."

"No one's as kinky as Lex is," Dean said dryly.  "Even I learned stuff from him.  Xander tends to walk off humming whenever he thinks about those sort of things."  Buffy cackled.  "Seriously.  Even Dad blushed."  That got a louder cackle. He grinned at Kendra.  "He'd do the same for you if you asked."

"Make me blush?  Quite probably," she agreed.

"No, make you a Der of your own."

She blushed, shaking her head.  "That would get my watcher very upset with me."

"Sometimes the Watchers need the hiney stick pulled out," Buffy said dryly.  "Giles sure has a few times."  Faith cackled, nodding she agreed.  She looked at Kendra again.  "It'll be fine.  Dean, can we bum the grill?"

"Sure.  We can bring it to your mom's house."  He smirked at the watching demons.  "So, anyway, Dad and we support the whole 'let's all be peaceful and make the town a sanctuary' thing.  Harry even thinks he's figured out how to seal the damn hole in the library."

"That'd be nice.  Giles told me there's a huge kraken and it tried to grope him last time it came out.  It got kraken slime on some books and everything.  He was not amused."

"That was before we got here," Dean told her.  "Not too much before we got here but before then.  He and Lex handled it."  The group of demons left in the bar moaned.  He grinned.  "Yeah, he got a bit pissed off."  He shrugged.  "Anyway.  Ladies, want a ride somewhere?  I'm out getting antacids and milk."

Fourth scowled. "That's our job."

Dean looked at him.  "It's my job to take care of my own hangover, Fourth."

"Well, perhaps but we can do the shopping."

Dean smirked.  "Not like I have anything else to do today and you guys are all hungover too."

"Yes we are," he sighed then beamed.  "And it was fun too."

"Yeah, so was ours," Dean sighed, grinning back at him, then at the demons.  "So, anyway, questions, comments, concerns?"

"Are you sleeping with your brother?" one demon asked.  "There's a huge betting pool, Winchester."

"Ask Dad that.  He could use another good blush.  Maybe then he'd think about dating again since it's been two decades."  Buffy whimpered, shaking her head.  "Exactly.  We respect that he misses mom and all that, but the guy's gotta have someone to fuss at sometimes now that the demon's gone."  He shrugged.  "Even if Harry swears up and down that he was scrying us and caught a mythical little brother."  He looked around.  "Any other comments?"  They all shook their heads.  "Cool.  Then we're going to get some stuff for a cookout, impose on Joyce, and let her tell us where to put the grill."  He walked off.  "Ladies, want a ride?"  They followed.  They all liked the Impala.  It was roomy enough for all three in the backseat.  Which was good since Sam was asleep in the front.  He was cuddling Harry Der.

"Aww," Faith snickered.

Kendra went 'aww' too but tried to cover it up.  Buffy took a picture.  Dean smirked at her.  "I'll share."  Sam grunted.  "Go back to sleep, Sam.  Just us," she soothed, petting over his hair.  Sam grunted something and shifted to the side and stretched out a bit better.

Dean swatted his knee.  "Watch that before you hit something."  He backed out of the parking spot and took them home to get the grill, then to Joyce's.  She gave them a pointed look.  "The ladies wanted to grill stuff.  We can man the grill while you and Dad compare ideas."  He set it up and went to get more gas.  Buffy and Kendra went to the store to get stuff to put on it.  Faith went to check on a few areas that they had noticed were getting bad, just to see what had happened.

Joyce shook her head, looking at John.  "They're nice when they're trying to keep me from doing too much."

John nodded.  "Sometimes, yeah."  He finished his bottle of water.  "He did a good job."

"My gallery's almost untouched," she admitted.

"The library's standing," John said.  "And the army of little Xanders and Lexs all moved things on Giles because they wanted to rearrange things."  She smiled.  "They're all hungover today too."

She snickered.  "What did they do?"

"I don't want to know," he admitted.  "I might have to skin my boys alive if I knew."

"At least the slayers weren't there," Joyce said.

"No, no girls at all unless they fled the room."  She shivered and moaned.  He nodded.  "I saw things this morning I didn't ever want to wonder about."  She swatted him but got up to start some potatoes rinsing in some cold water.  "Let the kids, Joyce."

"They'd kill themselves."

"Lex can cook."

"Good point."  She called and invited Giles and Linda over.  They were relatively close by at the school.

Linda looked around.  "No vegetables?"

Joyce snorted.  "Half the time, Buffy won't eat vegetables."  She handed her the cookbook.  "From the me in Lex's realm."  She sat down to go over it, nodding at some of the observations.  It could only help Faith last as long as possible.  "I find that the blue goo remover also works well when you've had a nosebleed and it's partially set.  I've managed to salvage about half of Buffy's clothes.  Which is very nice because she shops like a debutante at times."

Giles smiled.  "Wasn't she before?"

"Quite," Joyce said dryly.  "And dating some stupid basketball player too."  Linda gave her an odd look.  "I had no idea about any of this until recently, and she didn't find out until Merrick showed up to tell her she had been poked with the slayer crossbow of destiny."

"So she didn't know at all?" Linda asked.  Joyce smiled but shook her head.  "Then she's only had Merrick and Giles training her?"  John waved his hand.  "You can train?"

"I trained both of my boys to hunt and I've done a lot of work on Buffy's hand-to-hand.  I can actually spar with the girls when Giles can't.  I can still beat Buffy when she's going all out.  She's got a very flashy style, very gymnastics oriented, with flips and throws and all that.  I've taught her a lot about straightforward fighting and brawling, because sometimes you've got to."

"It's saved me a lot of damage," Giles admitted.  "She nearly broke my hand the first time I told her to hit the practice pads.  He doesn't use them at all."

"If you can't beat me, you definitely can't beat a master vampire," John said.

"Is that why the other two were called?"

"No, that was because Lex got pissed at all their plans for humanity and ended quite a few.  Including having the Powers That Be trapped in a containment box Draco made and sending it to a clan of guardian demons.  They called the other two after that to even things out."

"From what Lex's world went through, there were going to be two when Buffy was supposed to die.  He did CPR and it still activated Kendra."  He sighed, taking off his glasses to clean them.  "Their graduation was an ascension."  Linda whimpered, shaking her head.  "Later on, they faced the First Evil thanks to Willow raising Buffy for the second time.  She ended up activating all the slayers.  Which was very helpful since Lex said that they were planning a demon invasion in LA a few years later."  First Der handed him a book and hopped over to help Joyce with the potatoes.  He found it and let her see it.  "Lex acted to remove those and the Powers that stepped in decided they had to change plans and there being three slayers was beneficial."

"One girl can't be everywhere," John agreed.  "And apocalypses shouldn't be a solo fight."

"No, they shouldn't," Joyce agreed.  "Buffy vowed that if I tried to do more than help research that she'd be packing me into a UPS box and sending me to Arizona or somewhere pretty for a vacation."

John snickered.  "She'd worry that you'd get hurt and that would distract her.  That's why I don't let the boys get into anything too big if I can help it."  The kids came back with Xander and Lex.  "Kids, are we feeling better?"

Xander looked at him.  "Your sons are still meanly evil to me."  He walked around him.

Lex smirked at him.  "You had a lot of fun."

"How would you know?" Xander demanded.

"The tape said so?"

"You taped it!" Xander shouted.  First waved his hand with a grin.  "Why the fuck did you do that?" he demanded, staring at the Der, who was pouting.

"Because sometimes you have to be reminded that there's happier times and more reason to go on," First said firmly.  "And don't swear at me."

Lex hugged them both.  "It's fine, Xander.  It's not getting out."

"I don't remember anything," he hissed.

Lex nodded.  "I remember most of it until that sixth bottle of tequila came out during truth and dare."  Xander gave him another horrified look.  "You can watch it alone later and then destroy it.  We'd never do anything with it."

"I know but it's like ambushing me or something."

First came over to hug him.  "We won't do it again, Lord Xander."

"Thanks, First.  I'm sorry I swore at you."  He cuddled him, walking outside still pouting.

"Aww, you and Sammy match," Dean joked.  Xander hit him on the arm.  "Ow!  What was that for?"

"Because you're probably the reason I feel like one of those mountain tunnels," he said dryly.  "I didn't want to not know about it when it happened, Dean."

"I think I saw a video camera," Dean offered.

"Yup," First agreed.  "He was upset."

"Huh, so we'll make you lighter things," Dean told him.  He realized something.  "Oh, oh, it was your first," he muttered.  Xander nodded, looking pissed off.  "Well, I remember it was good, you were yelling like you were riding a bull, and it was Sammy."  Xander relaxed and nodded.  "I came later."

"Literally?" Xander asked.  "Because I'm the one guy that can warp anything and if the Powers are mad at us, I might end up carrying little Deans."

"Is that even possible?" Dean asked, looking confused.

"I found a spell for it," Willow chirped from where she was talking with the slayers.

"Dad, Willow said she found a spell for male pregnancies somewhere," Dean called.

John came out to stare at her.  "Should you I'd kill you," he assured her firmly, staring her down.  She shrank down and nodded.  "Where did you find that bit of dark magic?"

"Giles' old journal that was on the shelves in the history section?"

"Oh, dear Lord.  Yes, Ethan made that," Giles said, shaking his head.

"Figured it was Lord Chaos who made it," Lex said dryly.  "Did he get it to work?"

"I have no clue," Giles admitted.  They all stared at him.  He shrugged.  "Truly no clue.  I removed myself from that group shortly afterward."

"Good to know," John decided.  "Can you....maybe make sure Harry and Draco's people don't get hold of it?"

"They have their own version.  I showed it to Draco and he said that theirs took less energy and didn't call on Janus.  It wasn't a popular alternative anymore but back in ancient times it was a lot of acceptable."

John walked off shaking his head.  "I don't want to know what ancient wizards did."

Giles nodded.  "I wonder if Ethan's was based off that one."  He called Draco to ask him that.

"That's way freakier than I'm used to," Faith decided.

"I'd never do it without permission," Willow told her.  "It was just neat to find.  Giles had all sorts of spells in there for private moments too."

"No thanks, I got stuff that runs on batteries, that's enough for me," Buffy said.  Faith gave her an odd look.  "Mom said no sex until I was seventeen.  No matter who I was dating.  Or else she'd sell me into marriage with someone who wanted a lot of kids."  She frowned.  "Kendra, what would happen if one of us was in one of those native tribes they show on school filmstrips and on tv?  They get married really young and almost instantly start having kids.  What if one of them gets poked to be a slayer?"

"As far as I know they'd get the girl to train as soon as she was identified, the same as I was," Kendra said with a shrug.  "I don't know how her children or husband would react.  Lex?"

He looked up from his reading.  "We didn't get that far.  I have the feeling some of the ones that were activated before the First Evil battle were over there but I got pulled back over here before I could scry that far ahead.  Sorry.  Though I'm guessing, since I found a chronicle that had a slayer who had a son while she was activated, that it'd be dangerous to have one during it and that'd be like Buffy protecting her mom only more maternal maybe?"

"Maybe," Buffy said.  "So would she have to leave the tribe?"

"Depends on if she knew she'd been activated.  Did you?" he asked.

"No.  Not until Merrick showed up and then I got some funny dreams from Lothos.  He put ribbons in my hair and things.  Creepy dreams."

"I got a few of those before I got activated," Faith said.

Kendra nodded.  "Slayers and potential slayers can both get slayers dreams.  They are prophetic but often a bit cryptic according to my watcher."

"Yeah, had a few of the prophetic kind," Buffy sighed.  "They so suck and they never make sense.  Then Giles has to pull out the prophecy books and figure out what's going on this time."  She saw Lex's smirk.  "And if he's already taken care of it."

Lex nodded.  "Quite possibly."

Buffy grinned.  "He removed a lot of threats."  Lex nodded.

Giles came out.  "A few may still remain," he reminded her.  "Including in a few years when a hell goddess is at the right time to be called."

"Glory's host's name is Ben and if you kill him she's gone," Xander said dryly.  "I hate visions, have I mentioned this recently?"

Buffy looked down at him.  "Serious?"

He nodded.  "Yeah, and he was treating your mom for a future brain tumor.  We were going to nag around grad to get her to see someone."

"Mom, Xander foresaw you with a brain tumor," she called, walking back into the house.  "The doc who was treating it was a hell goddess in disguise."

John considered it.  "There's not many hell gods that could pretend to be a mortal," he said thoughtfully.

"Glory," Xander called.

"Glory would probably have be Glorificus; she's the only one I know with a similar name," John said, tapping out a text message to Bobby, who sent back what he knew.  "Yeah, she has to be tied to a host to be on this plane.  Kill the host and she's gone."

"Apparently it's going to be mom's oncologist."  She looked at her mother.

"I'll get checked tomorrow.  How far ahead was that?"

"Post-grad by a few years.  Right after Lex got sent away," Xander called.

"Okay, I'll start with a baseline check with my doctor," she decided.  Buffy beamed and bounced back out.  She looked at John.

"Sam doesn't have visions like that but he has had two now.  We thought the demon was sending them but we think some higher authority hijacked it."

"Yup," Dean Der said as he appeared on the counter, sitting on the edge so he could swing his feet.  "With the demon gone and the plan to use this family to do an end-times battle now dead too, the new higher powers in charge did it.  And you need to talk to Cordelia.  In Lex's realm she got given them from Doyle when she was working with Angel in LA.  Hers were starting to cause brain changes because they were too strong for a mortal."

John nodded.  "I'll talk with the girl this weekend."  Dean Der grinned.  "There's others outside."

"Cuddling the Xander.  They all forgot he wasn't as experienced as Lex was."  He nodded.  "But he's damn cuddly and cute."  He grinned.  Then he jumped down and rolled to his feet.  "Ah, better."  He strolled out.  "Ladies," he purred with a smirk.

Faith and Kendra looked down.  "Dean, the mini you is a pervert," Faith called.

"So's the big him," Sam said dryly.

"Hey!" both Deans complained.

"I'm flexible and enthusiastic," Dean Der said.  "Get it right, Sammy."

"We don't need to know how bendy you can be," Buffy said.

"Not that sort of flexible," the bigger Dean said dryly.  "Flexible as in I don't only have one right way to get it done."  She blushed, shaking her head.  He smirked at his Der.  "Hungover?"

"Yes," he complained.  "Next time rum?  That way Lord Xander doesn't nearly drink himself into a coma?"

"There's not going to be a next time for me," Xander said.  "I don't need to turn into my family."

"You won't," Lex assured him.  "I'd never let that happen to you."  Xander relaxed and grinned.  "Or to myself."  He gave him a hug around First.  "We'll let you take it easier next time."  Xander blushed but nodded.  "You cuddle First.  He and Dean Der are great cuddles."  He went back to helping with the grill.

"I'm not into that cuddling shit unless there's a real good reason," the original Dean noted.  "I'll do more of that when I'm *with* someone but not for fun things."

"You guys are just weird," Buffy told him.

"That's the girl/guy difference," Xander told her.  "Girls do emotional things and guys just want laid at our ages."

"Yeah but still.  Eww," Buffy complained.  "Guys would get more if they were more into the cuddling and listening stuff."  Kendra was bright red and Faith was starting to blush too.  "I'd never sleep with a guy who didn't listen to me and stuff."  Lex gave her a  pointed look.  "I have better taste in this realm."  Lex nodded.  "Who else did I tap?"

"Some guy at the college hunting for panty points and Spike after I got banished."

"Yeah, I have better taste here."  The guys all stared at her.  "I do!"

"You'd better!" Joyce called.

Faith shook her head.  "I think you need help," Faith said.  "Not even I'm that hyper."

"A slayer should put that energy into her battles," Kendra said.  "Or taking care of her weapons.  That's why I carved Mr. Pointy."  She showed it off.

"Wow, that's beautiful work," Buffy said, taking it carefully to look over.  "Dean, look.  Kendra carved it."

He whistled.  "That's pretty, Kendra.  Really nice job."  The Jamaican slayer beamed at him.  He handed it back after showing his father.

John leaned out.  "Kendra, when you're here, you're a girl and a slayer.  Be both."  He sat up again.

Faith looked at her.  "Linda's strict but I can look at guys."

Kendra shook her head.  "My duty is my battle and boyfriends would get in the way."

"Or be someone who can hunt with you," Dean said.

"My watcher would not like that."

"I think he needs the hiney stick pulled out," Buffy said with a grimace.  "They expect us to fight and die and not realize what we're fighting for?  I mean, we're fighting to save all those in love and who have kids and things.  If we don't know what that's like, why would we have the desire to fight?  I know there's bad things, that's why the Winchesters fight and all that, but we're told to slay and keep going until we die and they won't give us a reason to slay beyond keeping our watchers safe.  That's only not fair it's counterproductive.  I fight to make damn sure none of them would ever get my mom."

"I make sure they don't get Linda," Faith agreed.  "But I can see both sides.  Not everyone can hunt and if you're alone when would you have time to date?"

Buffy looked at her.  "Not even slayers can work every single night or we get burnt out and die faster."

"Good point," Kendra admitted.  "I do make sure my watcher is safe and so is everyone else."

"Yeah, but the thing that makes us human and want to be that heroine for humanity is love and all that mushy stuff," Buffy told her.  "We can go 'aww' at the couples cuddling on the beach but if it's too...if you haven't had it, you can't do more than 'aww' like it's a cute puppy.  You don't learn to appreciate it.  And then our very short lives suck ass."

Faith nodded.  "It's always better if you've lived some life before you die.  Drove too fast, had a few beers, went to an amusement park.  If not, it's all slay, repeat, train, read, and then sleep.  It wears you down and you end up haunting somewhere because you realize that you had things you wanted to do."

Kendra nodded.  "I can see that point.  I put all those feelings into the training because I expected to hunt alone for however long I was gifted with the duty and the task of protecting everyone."

"But do you realize what they'd lose?" Buffy asked more gently.  "They'd lose their sweeties.  No more kisses on the stairs after dates.  No more sharing popcorn at movies.  No more smoochies and maybe even the sex when you're older."

"I understand that."

Dean leaned down to kiss her.  "There, now you've had a kiss," he said with a grin.  "That way you can compare it."

Kendra considered it.  "That was weird."

Dean nodded.  "But the non-hunters, all they know is that mushy stuff and the regular struggles.  If they fight, it's to protect others who have those same mushy feelings.  If you can't enjoy some of them then you're not *living*.  You're existing, like a ghost."

Kendra nodded.  "I can understand that."  She shrugged.  "It would be nice but my watcher would never agree."

Dean nodded.  "That's true, because it means your focus is somewhere else.  It also means that you take too much onto yourself.  Even if you hunt every night, you can't be everywhere and someone may still die, but you're not responsible because you were still out there hunting."

"We can't get all the vamps in town, even with nightly patrols, so there'll still be deaths," Faith agreed.  "It's not our fault that we couldn't get them all.  Even if we were out there all day and night we'd never get 'em all."  Kendra gave her an awed look.  "And it's not our fault.  If we're doing everything we can, even taking a night off is good for us.  It gives us time to recharge and refuel.  Because otherwise we snap and break and then die."

Kendra swallowed, considering that.  "I hadn't thought of that."  She went in to talk to the watchers.  "Linda, is it true that other girls are not trained as I was, to ignore all my physical desires in place of the hunting?"

Linda sighed, looking at her.  "No, they are.  In a lot of ways it's wrong, Kendra, but it's also slightly necessary.  You girls have a lot expected of you.  Not having date nights and things mean that you miss out on things but it also means someone else can't be dragged into the dark that we live and hunt in."

John snorted.  "They treat the girls like robots, Linda.  Be honest.  If she knew why she was fighting she'd fight harder and like Buffy she'd have people to help her fight probably."  Linda gaped.  "Xander and Willow still would've jumped in to help her, even without Lex.  That's why he started to hunt.  Why Willow was helping her in his world.  Jesse had died," he said more quietly.  "And Xander became one of the things that made sure she won.  He even protected her from Angelus once when she was hospitalized with the flu by his journal."

"That brings more people in."

"I'd love to have no one else exposed but somewhere like this, where everyone's a target, the only way you don't get eaten is to be proactive and protect yourself.  No, hunting's not for everyone but if they took precautions there'd be a lower death rate.  Beyond that," he told Kendra.  "It's not healthy to hunt every single night.  Then your mind snaps and you end up like Lex.  He's seen too many battles and he finally...snapped."

Kendra nodded.  "I can see that point.  A rest is sometimes the only thing that would make me go back out."

"If you've reached that point, you need a full vacation."

Linda nodded.  "I know your watcher raised you from a young child."  Kendra smiled and nodded.  "Which is probably why he can't go hunt with you?"

"I called him and he said it was too painful and he's not skilled to hunt with her," Giles said from his spot at the counter.  He looked at the young slayer.  "In truth, I do allow Buffy friends.  They help her hunt.  They've been invaluable keeping her mood up and her anxiety level down.  I think every girl should have a supportive team around her, not an individual watcher.  It seems to work best that way."  Kendra smiled and nodded.  "I hope we can find you one as well.  If you have backup then you can hunt better and more safely.  Which means less injuries and less time you have to worry about things.  Even if they get hurt."

"Even I've gotten hurt sometimes and I can beat most any master vampire in town," John told her.  "Being hurt happens to you girls too.  Lex's Buffy had a huge problem seeing him as *normal* so therefore lesser.  He called it special girl syndrome."

"I've heard him speak of that," Kendra said.  "She said he'd get hurt."

"Yes, but everyone gets hurt sometimes, even slayers."

"I tripped many times," she sighed.

"He had you on patrol before you were called!" Joyce shouted.  "How dare he!"

"That's no worse or better than the boys hunting," John told her.

"She was a child!"

"I agree with that point.  No one under seventeen should hunt.  Sixteen I'll give you training hunts with someone," he said at her opening mouth.  "I didn't let Dean go out on his own until he was seventeen.  And then he had to bring Sam."  He smiled.  "It's not a happy field."  He looked at her.  "Though she's right, if he had you out much younger than you are I'll kick his ass for that myself."

"Someone had to handle it," she said, looking down.

He tipped her face up.  "That's an adult job, not a child's job.  Even if she's a future slayer and has a destiny.  Even if she's Chuck Norris's psychic twin and she can kick everyone's ass, she's a child and should be doing childish things and training.  You can do both.  I managed it even if I did a bad job of it sometimes."  He looked at her.  "How old are you anyway?"

"Fifteen," she said quietly.

"Excuse me?" John demanded.

"So's Faith for a few more weeks," Linda said.

Joyce sighed.  "Buffy got called just after she turned fifteen."  John growled.  "It's not their choice.  The last one died then."

"The one before Buffy was fourteen but there was a huge demon population where she lived causing problems," Giles admitted.  "The average age for slayers has raised," he offered to ease the pissed off look.  "There were some called as young as nine."

"I would've kicked any higher powers ass that did that," John said bluntly.  "You don't send kids to be soldiers."

"No, you don't," Linda agreed.  "But Faith's not a kid.  Faith spent an awful long time raising herself.  Like Xander and Lex did."

"They're still children," he assured her.  "I still paddled Lex for his shit.  I've grounded both boys for their shit.  Even Dean gets it and he's over eighteen."

"They didn't have good parents," Linda pointed out.

"That's our job to make up for that."  He stared her down.  "Faith?"  She leaned in.  "School stuff?"

"Eww?" she guessed, looking at him oddly.

He stared at her.  "Kendra, where are you in school?"

"I learned all the classification manuals and all the chronicles."

"What about math?  Science?"  She grimaced.  "Science can be important.  It can help you do things while hunting and make things to hunt easier.  Dean excels in that."

Faith shook her head.  "I did some GED prep classes to keep the CPS people off me."  Linda moaned, shaking her head.

John and Joyce shared a look.  "Classes are at the house's kitchen table each day at ten," he told them firmly.  "Buffy can join you until they figure out where classes are being held for the rest of the year."  He stared at Faith.  "You'll get a lot of hands on building gear things from Dean.  I'll go over the GED stuff with you both."

"Education like that would be wasted on a slayer who's expected to die before she's eighteen," Kendra said quietly, looking down.

John tipped her face up.  "You die before I do and I'll have Lex bring your butt back so I can kick it, young lady."  She sniffled and hugged him.  He patted her on the back.  "We want you girls to live full lives.  There's no way I'll let that stupidity go on."  He let her go, pushing her back some.  "Don't listen to Dean about dating stuff.  He's a slut.  Do what Buffy's doing.  Be very choosy.  Don't put out until you're absolutely ready."

She blushed.  "I've never even talked with a boy who wasn't a watcher," she said quietly.

"I have and I didn't find it that comforting," Faith said dryly.

Sam walked up behind her and hugged her.  "I'd kill everyone who ever hurt you if you wanted," he said in her ear, making her shiver.  "No one should ever have come near you."  She looked at him.  He gave her a sad smile and a kiss on the cheek.  "If they come now, you let us know and I'll kick their asses.  And if I can't, Lex sure as hell can."  He grinned.  "Now, chicken's done."  The girls fled from the mushy stuff.  "Am I teaching math?"  John nodded.  "Okay."  He went to get his own stuff.

Joyce and John got the adult food and they settled down to make out a schedule for the girls and for the patrols.  There was no reason for the girls to all go out every night.  And then they could work on their specific skill faults while John taught sparring practice.

***

Buffy was out on patrol when some guy walked up to her and Dean, who was off handling a crypt full of vampires.  "New to town?" she guessed.

"Miss Summers," he said with a British accent.  "I'm from the Council and we wanted to talk to you."

"No."  She smiled.  "Anything else?"

"You're our slayer."

She punched him, knocking him down.  "No, I'm a slayer.  I don't work for you.  For that matter, training a slayer is a sacred duty, not what you guys turned it into.  I don't care what you guys want really.  At all."  She walked around him.  "Dean, you done yet?" she called.

He came out of the crypt dusting off his Metallica t-shirt Xander had given him for his birthday.  "Yup, all gone."  He looked at the man giving him the hated look.  "Who's he?"

"Watcher.  He wanted to talk."

"Hmm.  Bite me," Dean said, grabbing his crotch.  "Right here, dude."  He let himself go when she giggled.  He called his father.  "Dad, there's a watcher here who wanted to talk to Buffy about stuff.  Sunny Rest by the Morgan's crypt.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "He'll come take you to where the watchers are tonight."

"Young man, you shouldn't even be involved."

Dean pulled a gun to point at him.  "Really?  Because a demon didn't take my mother?"  The man gasped.  "Yeah, there's hunters here in the US.  We're rare but not quite mythical."  He stared him down.  "I've been hunting for a while now and my dad's been doing it most of my life.  So back the fuck down."

John got out of his truck and walked over, staring at the guy.  "He that evil, son?"  The man flinched.

"Yeah, he said I shouldn't be hunting, Dad."

"Huh.  Yet I trained you to hunt after it took your mom."  He knocked him out.  "Let me take him to Giles.  You two nearly done?  It's almost midnight."

"Nearly," she sighed.  "It's real quiet tonight."

John smiled.  "That means we're doing a good job."  She smiled and they walked off again, Dean hiding his gun.  John got the guy into his truck and drove him back to Joyce's house.  That's where the adults were gathering.  With Lex as it turned out.

Lex stared at him.  "That's Wesley's dad.  Wes got sent when the Council fired Giles for giving too much of a damn about Buffy.  That was after her birthday surprise."

"I do not like them," Joyce decided.  "My daughter's not an auto-making robot who can slay."

Lex grinned.  "No, she's too fashionable for that.  None of them wear skirts."  He strolled off. "Let me spare her."

"They're nearly done," John said.  Lex shrugged and sat down.  Dean and Buffy came back a bit later and John hit him with cold water in the face to wake him up.  "Good, you're alive.  You have a worse glass jaw than any hunter I've ever met."

Buffy settled in beside her mom, getting a hug.  She grinned at her.  "I only got a bit of ash on me."

"Good job, Buffy."  She stroked over her hair.  "Didn't we talk about skirts on patrol?"

"It was handy and it's too hot for pants."

Lex pulled out a picture and held it up.  Joyce gave him a funny look.  "Patrol night.  After you found out."

"The me there had no sense."

Buffy looked at the outfit then at her.  "I look good in it."

"Yay," John said dryly.  "Still too showy for slaying."  She rolled her eyes.  They all stared at the horrified looking watcher.  "Yes, she's still got her mother.  Unlike the girls you snatched and ran with."

"Some gave them over when they saw the mole," Giles corrected.  "But they knew about the destiny."

"It's not how it's done," the watcher said.

Lex snorted.  "That's why she's lasted longer than a good majority of them already?"  She's nearly seventeen now.  That's over the year and a half mark for her."

"Well....some girls have done that and lived the proper life," he said.

"Yes, but she's going to last much longer," John said dryly with a smirk.  "The same as I've been doing it for almost two decades now.  Hunters last longer than slayers, did no one ever realize that?"

"Also, I've seen what you guys do to the girls.  I may love Kendra like a sister but I'm *so* going to kick her watcher's ass.  He turned a sweet girl into someone who couldn't express her emotions and didn't even know what boys were for!  I mean, we do deserve some life.  Otherwise we die sooner."

John nodded.  "The system sucks for you girls."

"It does!  I mean, she didn't even have more than one outfit!  How are you supposed to live like that?"  She stared at him.  "Sometimes you have to be able to change out to get the goo out of things," she said sarcastically at his disgusted look.  "Not like you can go hunting naked."

"There's funds set aside for that sort of thing," he assured her snottily.

"Good, then they can pay my mother back," she snapped, glaring at him.  "For that matter, the Council can blow me.  I'm my own woman in the making.  I may have this duty and I'll be doing this duty until it kills me, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let them turn me into some unemotional, scared little girl like they tried to do to Kendra.  It took us all weekend to get the point that learning something about life gives you a reason to hunt instead of it being *duty*."

John nodded.  "If you don't have a reason beyond the duty you would die faster," he agreed.

Giles cleaned his glasses.  "I think Kendra's learned quite a lot with us and she's gotten better in a few areas she still had weak thanks to you helping her spar, John."  John smirked at him.  "As has Buffy's hand-to-hand."

Buffy looked at him then at the other guy.  "Why aren't field watchers military trained?' she asked.  "I always wondered that.  I know Giles is a research watcher originally.  It just seemed odd he got sent into the field."

"Yes, well, my father's involved in the political end," Giles said dryly.  "And part of a faction against Mr. Travers' idiocy.  They wanted me out of the way before I upheld the family viewpoint."  She gave him a funny look.  "More chance of me dying out here, Buffy."

"Which would mean another family in the Council dies out," John pointed out.  "Which means that they'd have to recruit from outsiders and they'd probably be hunters like I am.  Which they seem to hate."

Giles nodded with a smile.  "Dearly so, yes.  As for the field watchers, no, they're not military trained or similarly trained, Buffy.  That hasn't made sense to me either."

"So, idiots in charge syndrome; good to know," she said dryly.  She stood up.  "Giles, send him home in a milk crate or something before I ask Draco to turn him into a pet."  She walked off.

Giles rolled his eyes.  "That's not polite," he called after her.

"Yay.  I still have PMS.  Be thankful I didn't try to do it myself."

Joyce shook her head.  "The new medicine is helping some but she still gets that problem."

"Girls have those sort of problems.  That's another reason I'm glad I have boys," John said.

"We have ways of fixing that," the other watcher pointed out to Giles.

"Yes, but unlike some of the idiots in the Council I'd never have her go through a hysterectomy."

"If you had tried, or her first one, I would've killed you all," Joyce assured him firmly.  "There wouldn't be any more watchers, ever."

"Amen," John agreed.  "I would've done the same."

Lex snorted.  "Don't tempt me."  He looked at him.  "By the way, if she lives to eighteen and you guys try it this time?  You won't get her.  You'll get me."  He smiled sweetly.  The guy shuddered.  "So, let's get you back home.  First?"  He appeared.  "Did you find my wand?"  He handed it over.  "Thanks."  He grinned and sent the guy packing back to England still tied up.  He stood up.  "Let me go calm her down."  He strolled off with First, who ended up hugged again.  First didn't seem to know what to make of being hugged so often but it was good for a Xander to hug and cuddle.  "If they try something we'd help," he reminded her.

"I know.  It just sucks."

"Yeah, well, that's Traver's shit."  He shrugged.  "Go calm your mom down.  They just suggested taking out all your girl stuff."  She stomped that way.  Giles defended that he had no idea it had been done to some of them.  Xander went home.   First could save himself after helping Joyce calm down by being hugged some more.

***

Faith ran into the house.  "Guys, Council idiots are snatching Buffy!" she shouted.

Xander and Lex both ran for the weapons and then the door.  Dean and Sam ran for the Impala's weapon stash.  Draco and Harry went to teach them to be better British people.  The team was on the edge of town.  Draco blew the engine on the van.  Harry blew the tires.  Lex shot most of them non-fatally but one he took the headshot because he found him in the back holding a knife to Buffy's throat.  They helped her and Kendra out of the back.  Xander took them to check over with Dean and Sam.  Lex stared at the groaning people.  "Let's go make my displeasure known."  He looked at Xander.  "Watch them."  He took the idiots with him this time.  "You know, it's wonderful Draco taught me to apparate," he told the man in front of him.

"Who the bloody hell are you!" the man shouted.

"Lex."  He shot the guards running in.  Then glared at him.  "Backup for Buffy Summers."  He smirked as evilly as he could.  The man gasped and backed away.  "See, I'm not from here.  So I can kill you all and go eat ice cream with the me from here.  He's not allowed to hunt so he doesn't turn into me because I learned a lot of expedience fighting in my Sunnydale."  He shot another one coming in with a gun.  Then he calmly reloaded and hexed the other three sneaking in.  They screamed for quite a while.  He looked at Travers again.  "This your only warning, Travers.  You leave Buffy, Kendra, and Faith the hell alone."

"They're my slayers," he sneered back.

"No, see, wrong thinking," Lex chided.  "They're not *yours*.  They're not the Council's for that matter.  You guys aren't really doing what you're set up to do, which is support and help them.  Instead you're turning them into little robots.  Robots die very quickly because they can't get around problems."  He stared at him.  "You ever come to Sunnydale again and it's not the end of the world?  I'll make sure what my world was starting to go through with the First Evil will look pleasant compared to what I do to you guys."

"The First!" a voice shouted from behind him.

Lex looked at him.  "In my native plane, yes.  Here, no.  I've made sure it can't happen."  He looked at Travers again, seeing the gun.  He hexed him and Travers tried to fight it as his hand slowly brought the gun to his own temple.  Lex stared at him.  "Watch yourself, Travers.  Your misogynist problems are showing.  The girls aren't *yours*.  They're not playtoys, they're not soldiers, and they're sure as hell not expendable."

He stared him down.  "Unless you really want to pull that, don't fuck with them again and I'd hide like hell before I call in a debt."  He turned and looked at the other man.  "You must be related to Rupert.  I knew him really well in my plane and he's helping me make sure all the apocalypses we have on the books won't happen."  He heard a shot and felt the pain but looked back at him without showing it.

"I've had worse on patrol and you're a lousy shot, Travers.  But thank you for giving me a reason to do this."  He shot him in the pubic area.  A lot of blood flow and the psychological damage was great.  He looked at the other man again.  "Anyway.....  Buffy's safe from him.  Kendra's safe from him.  Thankfully they only tried to take the two, not Faith as well."  The man shuddered.  "It won't happen.  If I have to blow all of you up, so be it.  I protect the slayers.  Every last one of them."

"Rupert never said you were this scary, boy," the older man said.

Lex snorted.  "Yeah, well."  He shrugged.  "I don't have to be scary around Rupert.  Here....  I have to prove I'll end everyone if I must to protect the girls.  Since most of you do a shitty job of it.  Because Joyce Summers, Buffy's Mom?  Seriously pissed off that the watcher from last night wanted to cut Buffy's uterus out."  The man shuddered.  "That Kendra had no idea what fun was pissed her off just as much.  You've warped your duty from the beginning and the first watchers would be ashamed."  He disappeared.

The elder Giles called for support and glared at Travers.  "You brought this onto us yourself by treating the girls this badly.  This trend stops now."  He went to talk to the senior council.  They had seen Rupert's reports on what Lex had told him and why.  Now they knew he was serious.  No fatalities but he was seriously going to kill them all if he had to so his slayers were protected.

Everyone would be happy to be without Travers anyway.

***

Draco looked over as Lex appeared.  "You just had to get more injured, didn't you," he sneered, pulling him closer.

"Shut up, Draco.  I'm fine.  I just need it pulled," he said between gritted teeth.  "Are all your people stupid?"

"Quite a few; education has went down in the last few decades," Harry said, coming over to help.  "Who shot you?"

"Travers.  By the way, Giles, your dad or whoever you look a lot like that was there said hi."

Giles stared at him.  "Why did you meet him?"

"He showed up to calm me down before I shot Travers."

"Oh."  He nodded, handing Sam the First Aid kit.  "You may want to check for poisons."

"You can't do that on Lex and he's immune to most of them thanks to the mermaid taint."  He and Draco fixed the wound and got it stitched.

"The girls?" Lex asked quietly.

"With Xander and the rest of us.  We didn't think you'd want them to see if you came back injured."

"No, it'd freak them out," he agreed quietly.  "Thanks, guys."  Draco swatted him on his good arm but Sam hugged him.  Lex smiled and hugged back, patting him.  "I love you too, Sam."

Sam laughed, pulling back to kiss him on the forehead.  "Go put on a real shirt."  Lex went to do that.  "He smells like a lot of gunpowder."

Giles called as he walked toward the kitchen.  "It's Rupert," he said in greeting.  He winced at the yelling going on.  "Well, he did warn you," he said dryly.  "As I did."  He nodded.  "That's reasonable then.  No, he's fine.  A bit of a temper but otherwise fine.  We're going to check on the girls right now.  Yes, well, that's what true friends do," he said dryly.  "So no, I don't think he was sorry in the least."  He got switched into the senior council's meeting on their demand.  "Yes?"

He listened.  "Yes, I'm quite certain.  Really?  Look up the news out here."  They did that and one gasped.  "He's making sure the town stays peaceful.  If he has to protect others, do you really believe he won't after whatever he did?"  He got the rundown and grimaced.  "I'll talk to him about his temper.  No, I feel he's fully justified after a team tried to snatch Buffy and Kendra."  He hung up and walked back there.  "Lex, be less temperish," he ordered with a smirk.  "But thank you for showing them that they're idiots."

"Whimpering idiots," Lex said, pulling on a shirt once the bandage was retaped.  "They're a disgrace to the calling.  Every damn last one of them that stood by and let things get this bad."  He walked off.  "At least you're doing something about it."

"Who did they send after they fired me?" Giles asked, following him.

"Wesley but it took him a while for his asshole stick to come out too."

"Huh.  I know of Wesley.  Another child of someone higher up who has ideas.  Though his father toes the line most of the time."

"Someone's probably going to have to take over for Travers," he said dryly.  "Nominate someone who won't treat the girls like shit."  He got into his car and drove off.

"There's not enough of those in the right position."  He called them back.  "Can I have Wesley?" he asked politely.  "Because in Lex's world he became Faith's watcher after you lot fired me for giving a damn about Buffy," he said dryly.  "He said it took him a while to remove his properness but he eventually turned out much better.  That's fine.  Thank you."  He hung up and hummed on his way to Joyce's.  He walked in.  "Faith, we're getting a third watcher and you can work with him with us or he can work with Kendra.  I've asked for one in case we have to break you three up," he said at the heated look Buffy gave him.

"That's a good point.  That way Kendra has backup."  She held her head.  "Ow."

Her mother handed her the ice pack.  John got her some aspirin.  That helped a lot.  She went to lay on the couch while Fourth's whole Der unit fussed at her.  It was good for her.

Giles looked at Kendra.  "Are you injured?" he asked.

"Just some burns from the rope," she said, showing him.  He fussed over them and she relaxed.  Sam gave her a hug and she sniffled.  "I should not cry.  It's not the slayer way."

"Bullshit.  Even hunters cry sometimes," Dean assured her.  "You're a human being and it's a human reaction to a really stressful situation.  Now go cry on Sammy."  She sniffled and nodded.  Sam cuddled her and let her cry on him.  Dean looked at his father.  "Think Lex left us any?"

"No," Giles said, shaking his head.  "Even if Travers survives he's fired and the next one will hopefully be better."  He petted over Kendra's hair, helping her calm down.  "We'll be fine, dear.  They will not touch you three again.  Lex went to show his temper off quite beautifully."  She gave him a horrified look.  He nodded.  "Your watcher wasn't there.  Sam's still at home."  She nodded, letting Sam comfort her.  "I'll call him and tell him you're all right."  He looked at Faith, who was white knuckled and hugged her, making her go stiff.  "You're all right as well and I'm very happy that they hadn't managed to capture you."

"They didn't even try for me," she admitted.

He smiled.  "That's because they underestimated how strong of a girl you are, Faith."  She looked at him.  "They were going to break Buffy under torture to turn her into Kendra and put her with a more suitable watcher to correct anything she had learned here.  They didn't think you were going to be as good as you will be."

She nodded.  "I've been though hell."

He brushed her cheek with his fingers.  "I'm sure you have and I'm sure you're going to be one of the strongest souls we have as a slayer for many years to come."  She relaxed and nodded.  "I find a lot of fault in their thinking.  Buffy may have learned free will first but you've fought hard to keep yours."

She grinned.  "I'm a scrapper."

"Indeed, which they don't expect.  They expect you to be more like Kendra."  She cackled, shaking her head.  "Exactly."  He smiled.  "They made a few very fatal mistakes today.  We'll make sure they don't do it again."  She grinned and walked off to check on the others.  He hugged Kendra as well.  "Let's call your watcher."  She nodded, wiping off the tear tracks.

"Does he have a computer?" Willow asked.  "Mine can video conference."

"Yes, he does," Kendra said.  Giles called him to tell him to turn it on while Willow got them connected.  Her watcher's face appeared on the laptop.  "Hi."

"Good morning, Sam," Rupert said with a smile.

"What happened?  Were you overrun?" he demanded.

"There was a bag and tag team who tried for her and Buffy," Rupert said.  Her watcher glared at him.  "It was solved by the hunters we have helping us here and then one of them went to show his displeasure.  Expect to hear news about Quentin being demoted if he survives."

"I've already heard rumors of an attack in his office."  Giles nodded.  Sam Mubuto grimaced.  "Are the girls fine?"

"They're absolutely fine.  We stopped the team here," Giles said.  He patted Kendra on the back.  "She was a bit upset."

Sam looked at her.  "Are you all right, Kendra?"

She sniffled but nodded.  "It was shocking but I'll be all right.  They're very good to me here and John helped me a lot."

"John?  Another watcher?"

Linda came over with a smile.  "No, the team here includes some hunters.  John's the patriarch of the hunting family."  John waved from his seat.  "Him and his sons."

"Interesting."  He smiled at his slayer.  "Are you all right?"

"The first thing Buffy did was make sure I had a change of clothes and made sure I had something to eat."

"You need at least a week's worth of clothes or you can't change when you get slimed or gooed," Buffy called.

"I suppose that's true," Sam said.  He looked over his slayer.  "How is the hunting?"

"They've recently gotten a lot of the vampires gone but I've learned a lot about the demon community from the local peaceful ones.  Including where the real troubled areas are.  Plus John knows more about the possessing sorts so I'm learning a lot of that too."  She smiled at them then at her watcher.  "His sons are very nice and tease but not meanly."

"That's good.  Making contacts like that is good for your duty."

"They're called friends," Buffy said, walking up behind Kendra.  "Friends keep you sane and alive in this life."  She stared at him.  "The same as not knowing that there's a reason to keep going beyond the duty sucks demon tail."  She walked off again.

Sam looked at Giles.  "Was that your girl or Faith?"

"That was Buffy."  He smiled.  "We do agree with her.  It does keep the duty from wearing on you and the friends have been invaluable, including this morning.  It was one of them that went to make his displeasure known."

"Oh."  He stared at his girl.  "Are you going to stay in Sunnydale?"

"I'll be traveling a bit.  There's a few troubled areas nearby that we'll be going to look over.   Faith and I will both be looking at those while Buffy stays here to handle most things that come up."

"They're welcome here anytime," Joyce assured her, giving her a hug from behind.  "We're very happy with how nice Kendra is.  Even if I won't let her help me cook dinner."  She walked off to follow her daughter.

Giles smiled at her.  Then at her watcher.  "Buffy's mother Joyce.  She's just recently found out and has also helped quite a lot.  Including improving the girls' diets so they're more supportive of their needs."

"That's excellent for your girl."

"She made the most delicious, healthy brownies," Kendra said with a smile.  "No fat, low in sugar, but still wonderfully chocolate and gooey."

He smiled.  "Even better.  I know you have a fondness for it now and then."

"And John has helped my fighting skills a lot.  He's taught me many tricks to help on a hunt."

Sam smiled.  "That's wonderful.  Keep me informed where you're traveling and what's going on."  He stared at her.  She smiled back and touched the screen.  "The children around here miss you, Kendra."  She giggled and he hung up.

Willow ended the program and let Kendra go talk to Buffy.  She looked at Giles.  "He's got the same problems Joyce and John do sending her out to hunt," he said quietly.  "Some people can only handle it via distance."

She nodded.  "I realize that.  It's classical psychology."  He nodded.  She grinned.  "The girls need a girl night."

"I'm sure you ladies can do that."  He got up and went to talk to John.

Willow got up and went out back.  "We need a girls' night."  The ladies looked at her.  "Hair stuff, face masques, girl movies, ice cream?"

Buffy shrugged, looking at Kendra and Faith.  "Never had one," Faith admitted.

"Me either," Kendra said.  "Why would you wear a mask?"

"There's stuff you put on your face to moisturize it and suck out the zits," Buffy said.

Faith shrugged.  "Not a problem I have."  She looked confused.  "What's a girl movie?"

"You know, with dresses and cute guys?" Willow said with a grin.

"No, I have no idea," Faith said, looking at Kendra.

"I don't usually watch movies.  Sam likes me to read."

"How about we get funny movies and some stuff to nibble," Buffy decided.  "We can braid hair and things."

Faith nodded.  "We can try that."

"You can help pick out the movies," Buffy said with a smile.  "Dean, can you take Willow and Kendra to get stuff for a movie night?"

"Sure," he agreed, pulling out his keys.  "C'mon, girls."  They went with him.

She and Faith went out to find movies.  Faith liked harder things with car chases but Buffy talked her into a few more funny ones.  They could handle that and Buffy got one girl movie for her and Willow the next afternoon.  Faith gave it an odd look.  "Kendra's probably read it and Willow likes it so we can do it tomorrow while you and John work out."  She grinned.

"That'll work," Faith agreed.  Because making her watch _Pride and Prejudice_ might make her have a mental breakdown.  They went to join the girls at the store, Faith picking up her bag of chips.  Buffy got hers.  Kendra stared at them until Dean gave her one and she grinned at him.  Willow got hers and they were set to hit the ice cream row.  That got raided so they could get home and set things up.  The guys got kicked back to Lex's house.  The ladies settled in to watch movies, munch, and braid hair.  Buffy was a great braider and Kendra had great hair for it.  Even Faith got a french braid.

***

Xander carried in a pretty box the next day, smiling at the girls.  "Good morning."  He put it in front of Faith and kissed her on the temple, like a brother would.  "Happy birthday."

"You..." she said, staring at him.  She looked so confused.

"They make me celebrate mine too," he said with a grin.  He bounced into the kitchen.  "Morning, Ders."

"Morning," First said happily.  "We're making omelettes."

"Wonderful."  He got a soda and went back to his seat.  Faith had presents from the rest of them, including from John, and she was trying hard to not be too shocked and cry.  He grinned.  "Open them!"

Faith looked at them.  "You didn't have to, guys."

Dean snorted.  "You're a friend.  We do for friends."  He smiled.  "So, open them.  I know what Sammy and I got you, but what did the bastard twins get?"

Faith opened them, staring at them.  "Pretty," she said in awe.  She lifted up the hunting knife, grinning at it.  "Already sharp too."  She looked at the card.  "Thanks, Harry."

"A knife seemed like a handy thing with the way those two carry them," he said with a nod for Dean and John.  He grinned.  "Happy birthday, Faith."

She got into the next one.  Draco had gotten her a blank journal.  She looked confused.

"No one but you or whoever you hand it to can read anything you write in there," Draco said with a smile.  "That way you can get anything you need to out but no one can get into your privacy."

She tried not to sniffle.  "Thank you, Draco."  She opened the others.  A new resin crossbow from Sam.  Another knife from John with a whet stone.  She grinned at him too.  The twins got her one larger box.  She opened it and stared.  "Wow."  She pulled out the leather jacket and pants.  "It's in my size."

"I was a shopping mule for Buffy for *years*," Lex said with a grin. "It's practical and pretty."

She kissed them both on the cheek then the others.  "Thank you, guys.  This was the best birthday I've had."

"We have great omelettes," First said, bringing out hers.  It had a huge candle on it that was lit.  He put it in front of her and hugged her.  "We mended all of your clothes."  He went back to get the rest.  They dug in and then they went to do their schoolwork because John insisted.  Faith still got a great lunch and dinner.  Then they went to hunt at the Bronze.  She loved to club hunt.  Buffy and Kendra had tonight off but she was having a lot of fun.  Even when Lex had to move the succuba off her butt.  The leather pants were a great draw for evil things.

***

Lex and the others went to where the Principal was huffing at people.  Lex raised a hand to be able to ask a question.  One of the City Council members sighed but pointed.  "Where are they holding classes beyond our kitchen table?"

Principal Flutey stared at him.  "You passed your GED, your twin hasn't."

"Exactly."  He grinned.  "We're going on a great roadtrip after graduation.  We can't push it back that far or we'll be too old to have fun."

Flutey smirked.  "There's a test.  If you pass it you can move onto your last year."  They all nodded.  "Those that aren't, there's the study group at the library.  Is Rosenburg around?"  Lex pointed at her.  "There you are.  Miss Rosenburg and Mr. Winchester, we need you both to help tutor classes."  They smiled and nodded.  "Thank you.  Eight to four at the library.  We have two hour blocks for different subjects.  Work your classes however."  He looked at the two Harrises.  "Would you know what happened?"

"I heard they said it was a gas explosion," Lex said with a shrug.  "How would I know?"

"Fine."  He looked at City Council.  "We'll still need a school back sometime."

"We don't have the money for it since the insurance won't pay for six months, Principal Flutey.  Even with it in our hands it'd be four weeks before they could start building and about a year before it was finished."

"We can probably take up a few spare rooms at the college," Xander said.  "They have an empty building?"

"That one's fallen in," Flutey said.

"You wanted us to be more project based anyway," Willow said.  "So technically that can be done easier in less space since most of it would be on our own.  We could do it at the Mocha Pump or the local library."  She paused.  "You can also use eminent domain to procure the three houses by Willie's Alibi Bar to get those three huge houses, which would make good classrooms probably."

Flutey looked at the Council Members.  "They're owned by the late Mayor's family, Miss Rosenburg."

She shrugged.  "What family?  The last the newspaper reported the probate was going nowhere since he had no living relatives and no will.  Which is just stupid with as many people used to die around here."

"With what the papers said about him being part of it," Sam complained.  "It seems fitting that it come back to the city he adored and nurtured for all those years.  It was bought on your money anyway."

They shared a look and one wrote something.  "I'm putting forward a motion to nominate ourselves as trustees of the former mayor's estate.  That way the state can't confiscate it all for death taxes."

"You might also want to look under the bank," Lex said dryly.  "I know he had a hiding place down there.  It was found when we were younger and he's probably refilled it."  One sent one of the police officers there and he came back with a picture.  "Empty?"

"Three rooms.  Two empty of all but filing cabinets.  The other has gold and wrapped cash stacks."

"Bingo, there's a school fund," Mayor Flutey said with a smile.

"It might be easier to move the school to a new area anyway," Willow said.  "So they can take the extra time to clean it up but can start construction right away.  There's that huge open area on the other side of town that was meant to be another shopping mall.  So about the same distance for everyone who walks or bikes."

"It's already zoned for schools because we were thinking about moving the middle school there," the head of the council said, looking at the others.  "It's big enough."

"If we use the old plans it'll be cheaper," another one said.

"We would suggest that you put in some way for kids on crutches to get upstairs," Xander offered.  "A hidden elevator or something.  It'd help the kid in the motorized wheelchair as well."

"It's probably big enough that we could do something like what they were showing on tv about the new one in Rivelo," Willow offered.  "Which is single level but has all the doors to outdoor walkways.  A nice courtyard to eat and hang out in."

"We'll look at those two options," the head of the council decided.

"I saw that news report on that new school.  It looked very nice but slightly smaller than our old school was," Flutey admitted.  "But very handy and easy egress in case of problems."  He shrugged.  "Either would make me happy as long as the school got rebuilt quickly."  He smiled at Willow.  "You have very good ideas, Miss Rosenburg."

"Thank you, Principal Flutey."  She blushed a bit and ducked her head.  Sam patted her on the back.  "Should we start tutoring tomorrow or today?"

He checked his watch.  "It's a bit after two.  Start tomorrow if you can."  They nodded.  The students filed out.  He sighed, relaxing in his seat.  "That's not a bad idea and it would have positive safety implications that would be easier as well."

"It would," the head of the Council said.  "But I agree, I think it was smaller."

"We can see if their city council will let us look at the plans," another said.  "I have a cousin that way and we can call."

"Let's do that."  They banged the gavel.  "Officer, go confiscate those hidden funds from our beloved former mayor?"

"Already have officers doing it, sir, under watch of the paper so they can't disappear."  He smirked as he walked off.

"Even better.  Talk to the judge?" he told one, getting a nod.  They went to call them about those plans.  They had heard about the explosions as well.  They were more than happy to show off the plans for their new school.

***

John looked up when Sam and Willow came in the next day.  "What're you two teaching?"

"English," Sam sighed, sitting down.

"Math," Willow said with a grin.  "Jonathan's teaching the higher maths because I haven't finished calculus yet.  So I'm also teaching the basics of science."

Sam nodded.  "I assigned book reports and essays for the rest of this month.  They should be able to handle one in nine days."  Willow nodded.  "And I'm going to grade them like some of mine were at other schools."

"Here is dumbed down," Willow agreed.  Lex walked past nibbling on some grapes.  "Are you turning into an emperor?" she called.

"Some year.  Magic practice?"  She hopped up and got what she needed, going to find Draco with the others.

John shook his head.  "I don't see how anyone can study that."

"Not like they made deals for their powers," Sam pointed out.

Harry leaned into the room.  "You as well, Sam."  He sighed but went to join the class.  Harry smiled at John.  "Is there patrol tonight?  Draco wanted to know.  It'd depend on which area he's teaching today."

"Kendra and I have patrol tonight."

"Okay.  Thanks."  He walked back to where they were learning.  "John and Kendra have patrol tonight."  They nodded and got into the more subtle sciences of transfiguration using both wanded and unwanded magics.

John shook his head, finishing his weapons check.  Then he went to gather Kendra for dinner and patrol.  The girl needed to eat more often.

***

Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts, looked at his teachers.  "We must get Mr. Potter back here where he's safely taught to be more...reasonable."

Snape snorted.  "I've heard from Mr. Malfoy.  He's having quite a lot of fun teaching some remedial magic classes to a witch he found at fifteen."

"Interesting," Dumbledore admitted.  "But is he with Harry?"  Snape nodded.  "You're sure?"

"Quite.  They're with those twins that showed up."  He tossed down a newspaper.  A muggle newspaper with a picture.  He smirked.  "It seems that they've recently cleaned up quite a vampire menace in that town."

Dumbledore took it to read, scowling at it.  "Explosion?"

"It ripped open their daytime sanctuaries.  Plus it was diverted around their hellmouth."

"A what?" McGonagall asked.

"A hellmouth is a weak spot between worlds," Snape told her.  "Or other planes and realities.  That one is annoyingly open and has been causing a lot of problems for the last twenty years.  In the last five it's slowed down considerably and then suddenly the vampires had no safe place to room during the day."  He smirked.  "It's quite entertaining I'm sure."

Dumbledore put down the paper.  "Do we think Harry engineered that explosion?"

"I'd say one of his friends did," Snape told him.

"Harry's a warrior for the light," Dumbledore said.  "It says nothing about any friends."

Snape snorted.  "Do you honestly think those twins would've helped him if they weren't just like him, Albus?"  He stood up.  "Beyond that, Mr. Malfoy's been in touch with his mother.  He has no desire at the moment to return here.  Something about imbeciles with plans bothering his patience I believe he said."  He stared at him.  "He also said that Mr. Potter is not coming back either.  Those same planners have ruined his temper."  He walked out happier.  Dumbledore vs. Potter and his friends; that was a battle that should be put on the WWN.

McGonagall cleared her throat.  "How can Mr. Malfoy teach?"

"If she's that late a bloomer she's not powerful," another teacher told her.

"It's probably remedial tutoring so she doesn't have accidents," Dumbledore agreed.  "Like we'd give an inbred purebred for formality's sake."

A demon sighed as he appeared, staring at them.  "You know not of who you speak, Albus Dumbledore.  The one he teaches *we* had him teach because she nearly caused some apocalypses in Lex's realm."  The teachers all glared at him.  "Three of them.  The girl nearly destroyed the entire world during two of them.  She was next to her Goddess in power."  McGonagall gasped, holding her throat.

"Exactly.  We like Draco forcing her to learn the more formal ways this time since she didn't last time.  And yes, he's quite suitable to teach her.  The same as Potter is."  He sneered at the teachers.  "Beyond that, he's fine where he is.  Lex would destroy anyone who harms one of his friends."  He disappeared, his orders from his boss done.

"Who is this Lex?" Flitwick asked quietly.

"One of the twins," Dumbledore said, handing down the paper.  "I don't like him being there even more now.  We must get him back."

"I'll write him later," McGonagall said.

"I believe we need action, not temptation," Dumbledore said.  "We'll go talk to him in person."  She nodded, getting up to follow him.  He got a few aurors as well for their protection.  Hellmouths were clearly dangerous.

***

Xander looked up as people appeared.  "Huh.  Draco, it's your sort!" he called.

"Shut up, you stupid little boy," Dumbledore hissed, casting at him.

Suddenly the Ders were all there and he was blown out of the building by the force of the magic.  Lex walked out behind them.  He uncursed his twin, staring at him.  "Are you all right, Xander?" he asked quietly.  Xander nodded, giving him an odd look.  He smiled.  "Go get Willow to protect her."  He did that with some of the mini Der.  Lex stared at the shocked people.  "Breaking into our house is rather rude," he said dryly.  "Beyond that, I doubt you had peaceful intents.  Especially with that using asshole cursing my twin."  The aurors all stepped back.  "Yeah, that's my twin.  I'm Lex, not him."  He sneered.  "I'd fly home, people.  Before I destroy you all."

"Hold it," Harry said as he came out.  "That's my job."  They shared a look.  "He didn't hurt Xander.  They hurt me for years."  Lex nodded, moving to back him up.  He stared at the professor he used to admire.  "Really, you show up to threaten us?" he asked.  She shook her head.  "It appears that way."

"What are they?" she demanded.

"Lord Draco made us," Dean Der said smugly.  "We're Lex's army."

"Very handy and very nice," Lex said with a grin.  "They spoil us horribly and help on patrols."

"Patrol is a lot more fun when we're teasing the army."  Harry looked at her again.  "What part of never come near me again did you not hear?" he asked her firmly.

"You're not safe here," she said.

"I'm more safe here than I was in the home you and he put me in.  Especially since I've found information saying that you both knew what was going on."  She gasped, shaking her head.  "Then I'd check for memory spells, Professor McGonagall.  Beyond that, I want nothing to do with your community.  Anyone who would turn a child into a warrior and then expect them to fight without training are worthless and useless wastes of blood and skin.  I'd never be like you.  The American community is fairly pleasant as far as we've seen.  They don't want anyone who's not a full warrior to fight.  Especially not a child."

"Now see here," one auror said.  Lex slammed him into the wall wandlessly.

Harry smiled.  "With your wand, Lex.  Draco would be horrified you're not using it."

"I have it in my other hand."  He shrugged.  "I'm more mean with it.  You wanted me to be nice."

"I did, yes."  He stared at the professor again.  "Get out of our house.  Take the aurors with you.  Because the rest of us aren't really happy either."

Dean cocked his shotgun.  "We'd never kill 'em, Harry, but they'd be damn sorry by the time they left."  Sam nodded, his gun up and pointed at them.

"Those can't hurt us," one auror said.  She shrieked when Dean shot her and it hit.  "That's not right!  You're muggles!"

"No, we're demon hunters," Sam sneered.  "And yeah, bullets hurt everything.  That's the point of guns."

Harry nodded.  "It can be, yes."  Police cars were pulling into the yard.  "I'd suggest you go with the nice officers, Professor.  They'd probably just deport you."  They rushed in.  "They decided to appear here and try to kidnap me," Harry told them.

"I know who you are, Potter," one said.

"This is one of my professors.  The headmasters' on the lawn.  The rest are aurors who wanted me to do their job.  Then got mad when I did their job.  For all I give a damn they can flee."  He walked off.  Sam Der followed to pounce him to cuddle.

"The one on the lawn tried to hex my twin," Lex said smoothly.  "Since Harry wanted first shot, it's my turn."

"Let us," that officer snapped.  "Put the guns down, Winchesters."

"They broke in here," Dean pointed out.  "They're clearly a threat."

"We'll arrest 'em," another one said.  He held up his badge.  "American aurors."  The cohorts all stared at him.  "I got hired on when Lex got here.  Someone told us about what happened there," he told him.  Lex smirked.  "Nice work."

"Thank you.  Hangover but thank you."  That got a nod and they arrested them, taking them back to the jail so he could call his people and get them deported.  Including the headmaster.  One of the aurors came to talk to Harry later that day and Draco tried to protest but Harry sighed and answered what he wanted to know.  The next day it was in papers all over the world.  The contingent from England got publically handed over.  England's Minister for Magic sneered but the Americans had bigger wands.

This was not going to happen again.

The End until part 2, the road trip