Horatio finished getting sick and rinsed out his mouth.  He was not liking this bout of the flu.  It wasn't at a convenient time.  Not that there was a good time to get so sick when murderers were committing their crimes in his city, but it was definitely a bad time right now.  He got up to brush his teeth and rinse out his mouth, heading to his bedroom to change for work.  He thought about calling his doctor but he didn't want to do that yet.  It was just the flu.  Right?  He finished pulling on his suit of the day and headed down to the hummer.  Even the thought of coffee was turning his stomach again.  The fruit stand he drove past made him pull over to get ill again off the side of the road.  Hopefully no one saw him.  He was taking the back roads for that reason.  He got cleaned up and kicked some dirt over it then rinsed out his mouth with the bottle of water he kept in the hummer for emergencies.  He climbed back in and finished his drive to work, not a happy camper.  He almost pitied whoever got in his way this morning.  He ran into Frank Tripp first, nodding at him.  He didn't trust himself to open his mouth since Frank had went a bit overboard on his aftershave this morning.

"Morning, Horatio."

"Morning, Frank," he said, stabbing the button for the elevator.  "Anything come in yet?"

"Not that I've heard."  He looked at his friend.  "Are you all right?  You look a bit peaked."

"I'm fine, Frank.  A touch of the flu," he admitted, getting onto the elevator with a small smile.  "New aftershave?"  Frank smirked and got the next one.  He knew what Horatio was saying and he was sure he probably did stink some.  It was a new aftershave.  His wife had bought it for him.  Horatio came off the elevator and ran into Calleigh, who was bubbly and happy, like usual.  He walked around her and her cup of tea.  "Morning."

"Morning, Horatio."  She walked after him.  "I got the ballistics done on the drowning case.  I matched it to an old poacher.  I'm trying to find him now."

"Good, keep me informed when you find him," he ordered, escaping into the locker room.  He found Speed leaning against his locker.  "Speed?" he asked from a safe distance.  Speed didn't wear aftershave but he looked just as bad as Horatio did.  Speed rolled his head to look at him.  "Flu?"  Speed nodded, banging his head a bit.  "Me too.  You okay to work, buddy?"

"No," he croaked.  "I'm hiding from Eric and his onion smelling shirt.  You?"

"Calleigh has tea."  He came over to get into his locker, pulling on his gun.  "Want straight lab today?"

"Please.  I'm hoping I don't barf on anything."  He went back to waiting, wincing when the door slammed open.  "Go the fuck away before I kill you and give Eric something to do!" he called.

"What's wrong?" Eric asked, leaning around the row of lockers.

"Eric, you stink," Horatio said, backing away from him. "Speed and I both have the flu and you smell like onions.  Please change?"

"Sure.  My locker's over there though."  They both cleared out, heading for their respective lab and office.  He sniffed himself.  "I don't smell."  He walked out and found Calleigh looking at Speed through one of the windows.  "Do I stink?  They said I smell like onions."

"Very faintly.  Had a breaded one last night?"

"Yeah, during my date."

"You must've gotten some on you or something."  He nodded, going to clean up again.  She watched as Speed went running to get sick and sighed, going to help him but he kicked the door shut when she tried to walk in to help him. "Speed, can I help?" she called.

"NO!"

She took a calming breath because Speed was already a grump, being sick would make it worse.  "Want Alexx?"

"Hell no!"

"Okay.  I'll go do what you were so you can be sick for a while."  She went to do that for him.  She called Alexx anyway. "It's Calleigh.  Speed and Horatio are both white as sheets in the sun and Speed's getting sick but when I offered to call you he swore at me."  She smiled.  "I thought you'd want to know," she agreed.  "I'm guessing the flu since they said Eric smelled like onions. I could barely smell it.  I'm in Trace.  Thanks."  She hung up and got back to work for him. She was proficient to do the basic things in here.  Anything specialized would have to wait for Speed.  He trudged back in but stayed away from her.  "I'm running face recognition on the photo, that is what it was going for, right?"  He nodded, staring at her. "Think you can do this and not get sick again?"  He nodded slower this time.  "Okay.  Let me know if you need help."  She left it to him and went to watch for a few more minutes.  Eric slid in but Speed glared at him so he walked back out and came to help her do something else.  "He's sick."

"He's being a bastard," Eric agreed.  She patted him on the arm.  "It'll get better in a few days," he offered.

"I hope so.  He and Horatio both having it is almost a frightening image."

"Yeah, but it's not as bad as the nightmare I had where they both had PMS," he said with a grin.

She looked at him then tested his forehead with her wrist.  "Are you feeling all right, Eric?"

"I'm fine."  He ducked away and smiled.  "C'mon, both of them gorging on chocolate ice cream?  Both of them complaining about bloating and cramps?"

She shuddered.  "That's just a horrible image," she complained, going back to her ballistics lab.  She wouldn't get any bad ideas from her guns.

Eric chuckled and got to work.  He loved flustering her.

***

Horatio got up the next morning and had all of ten second's peace before the toilet called him back to its altar.  It was official, he wanted to kill whoever started the flu.  The day followed the day before's path: finishing, cleaning up, going to work to find Speed resting his head against his locker.  "It's pernicious."

Speed rolled his head to look at him.  "I really do not feel good, H."

"Me either.  Is everyone here today?"

"Eric's got court."  He turned his head back when the door opened and someone cheerful came in, growling when they came toward them.  The patrol officer hurried off once he got his clean shirt out of his locker.  He looked at Horatio again since he had sat down.  "I feel like shit and I haven't kept down breakfast in four days."

Horatio counted back, frowning.  "I've had six.  Lunch and breakfast."  They shared a look.  "We should get checked out.  It could be food poisoning."

"I had bacon for dinner last night.  Two pounds of bacon," Speed complained quietly.

Horatio thought back, turning slightly green at the thought of his own tunafish from the can.  "I had tuna."

"Tuna's nice," Speed admitted.  Then he shuddered.  "No more talk about food.  At least until after eleven."

"Eleven's good."  He clutched his stomach and bent over.  "I really don't feel good."

"That's it, I'm calling Alexx!" Eric yelled from the doorway.  "You're both admitting you're sick, I'm calling her right now.  You're staying in here."  He slammed the door and locked it while he dialed. "Alexx, I'm in the locker room with Horatio, who's clutching his stomach, and Speed, who's leaning on his locker.  We're locked in the locker room before it spreads.  Please."  He hung up and looked at them.  Speed moaned.  "Another surge?" he asked calmly.

"No, you smell like tacos."

"I had those last night.  No way can you smell them," he said dryly.  "I've had two showers and sex since then."  Someone pounded on the door.  "Sick officers," he called.  They walked off.  Someone else knocked.  "Alexx?"

"Let me in," Calleigh called.

"Alexx and only Alexx," Eric called.  "They're probably contagious."

"She's coming up the hall."  Eric came over to open the door, letting Alexx inside.  "If they are, you're in deep, Eric."

"I know, but better this than letting them go work."  He closed the door and went back to help her.  Horatio growled at him and he backed off.  "Okay. Let me get you some water."  He went to do that.

Alexx looked at them, testing their temperatures first.  "What's going on, boys?"

"Repeated days of being sick all morning," Horatio said quietly.  "Please don't mention food."

"Okay, I won't.  Could you eat dinner?"  They both nodded.  "Uh-huh.  Anything strange for dinner?"  They both stared at her. "The reason I'm asking...."  Eric came back with the bottles of water.  "Thank you, baby.  It's probably not contagious at this stage."  He nodded, going to spread the good news before he headed for the courthouse.  "Did we hear about the guy out of the downtown precinct?"  They both stared at her but Speed nodded. "Because he came up with morning sickness last week."  They both stared harder at her, and she could feel the scowling going on.  "It wasn't my call.   His doctor made it."

"His doctor's a quack," Speed said firmly.

"There's one way to find out," she offered.

"I'm not peeing in a cup," Horatio complained.

"You don't have to.  The one we use has a little stick you pee on instead."  She handed over the two small wrapped strips from her pocket.  "Go pee on them.  I'll be out here."  They growled but went to do that.  She walked in there three minutes later, watching them watch the sticks change colors.  She cleared her throat.  "Are they pink?"  They both glared at her.  She almost felt the heat, like she was going to burst into flames.  "I don't know how, boys.  I have no idea how this is happening.  I do know that they're doing a lot of tests, including an ultrasound to make sure it's not some sort of funny lump from radiation or something."  Speed sat down against the wall, staring at her.  "We're going to send you for the same tests."

"Everyone will know," Horatio said quietly.  "Let's see what he's got first."

"He's got a heartbeat on his," she said bluntly.  They both went pale and went to get sick.  She sighed and waited until they were done then led them down to the morgue.  She had a room that had no windows, one door, and no way for anyone to look in.  They used it for contaminated bodies. She pushed Speed down onto the table since he had the easier clothes.  She pushed up his shirt and pushed down his pants and underwear until she could get to his stomach.  Then she got the ultrasound gel and machine, coming in to run it over his stomach.  She heard the quietly muttered 'please let this be the flu from hell.  I'll die from it, please, God, please let this be the flu' and gave him a gentle smile.  "It'll be okay."  She turned on the machine and searched, then flipped a switch, letting them hear the heartbeat.  She turned at the thump behind her, finding Horatio on the ground.  She checked him.  "Just passed out."

"I so want a bottle of scotch."

"Only if I'm not getting a grandbaby!" she said firmly.  He glared at her again.  She glared back.  "If you're not going to go through with it you can drink.  If you're going to keep her then you can't, Timothy Speedle.  Am I clear?"

"Crystal."  He covered his face with his hands.  "Damn it!" he yelled.

Horatio moaned as he came around, blinking up at her.  "Alexx?"

"Let me check your stomach, Horatio," she said gently.

He nodded so she helped him up and nudged Speed until he moved.  Horatio laid down once he had his shirt untucked and moved.  Someone tapped on the door.  "Shoot them," he ordered.

Speed looked then snorted. "Please can I?"

"Go ahead."

Speed strolled over there, leaning out the door.  "Stetler.  What's wrong?"

"I was going to ask the same."

"Alexx is doing a control experiment against that one guy since we've had the flu."  Then he coughed in his face.  Rick went pale and backed up.  "It was thought we were on the same scene so she's making sure we weren't contaminated by the same thing he was.  You know, radiation sickness can mimic the flu in lower doses."  He turned tail and ran.  "You sure?  I mean, we can test you too, man!"  He walked back in and locked the door again.  "He went for a jog.  We might get the day off to go sulk."

"Thank you."  She found what she was looking for and the heartbeat came out.  He sighed, looking at her.  "I am?"  She nodded, giving him such an understanding look.  "Will one drink hurt?"  She nodded again.  He groaned and sat up, taking the paper towel to clean off his stomach. "Just one night?"

"No.  This is the time when it's very important you don't get any, boys.  It could cause birth defects."  They both stared at her so she pulled up Horatio's scan to look at it.  "I'd say just into the third month.  Late first trimester."  They both walked out, heading out to their hummer and bike.  She erased all the scans and got the room cleaned up so she could get back to work.  She trusted them to not do anything stupid.  When they called to get a good recommendation she'd give them the only guy she'd trust to do an abortion.  Because men could not have babies.  No matter how they came to be.

***

Speed knocked on Horatio's door later that night, getting the tired looking man.  "I need to talk."  Horatio hummed and let him inside, watching him walk to the couch and flop down.  "Did you break orders?"

"Not yet."  He sat down across from him.  "Family is very important to me," he said quietly.

Speed looked at him. "I haven't had one in so long I'm not sure what I want.  I'm almost scared to let a kid come into the world the way it is."  That got a nod.  "I mean, there's days that I think assassination is the only way to clean some of it up enough that real people can live happily."

"I've often thought that was a good option," Horatio admitted.  "There's less expensive ways but they create more mess."  Speed cracked a smile at that.  "I don't know what to tell you, Speed.  I went to talk to my priest and he nearly had a heart attack but he insisted it was God's plan for me to make up for lacking my family."  Speed gave a nod at that.  "I pointed out all the risks, including that I'm not exactly built for childbirth.  I talked myself into it while talking to him."

"I made it down to the Keys and watched the water for a few hours before I drove back," Speed admitted quietly, looking at his stomach.  "I'm not sure I could handle this.  Why can't this be Eric?  He'd have to hide from his mother for a few months but then she'd squeal and be happy about the new grandchild."  Horatio chuckled.  "She would.  Eric's mother is a fussy woman.  Even worse than Alexx.  He sniffled in front of her so she bundled him onto the couch under a quilt, and had soup in his hand within two minutes.  She called all his sisters and they all came to fuss over him too."

"I'm still stuck on the how," Horatio offered.

"I was thinking about that.  I know the other officer hit.  He's never worked with us that I know of."  They shared a look.  "Aliens?" he joked.

"As good as any explanation I've thought about," he agreed.  "Possibly someone in the department experimenting?"

"That's a scary thought.  They might've gotten Stetler."

Horatio burst out laughing at that, nearly falling over.  "I can see him waddling up the halls complaining about having to pee."

"Can't you see Eric?"  Horatio smiled and nodded. "I can't see us doing that.  We'll be terrors, H.  People already duck when we're in a bad mood.  What're mood swings going to be like?"

"Horrible.  I'm definitely not looking forward to them.  Or hemorrhoids.  Or childbirth."

Speed nodded.  "That'll be one confusing moment."  He sighed, looking at his stomach again.  "I don't know."

"Whatever you decide I'll be there for you, Speed.  If you decide to go through with it, we'll do it together.  If not, you can nag me in a few months."

Speed looked at him.  "You'd kill me if I nagged you."

"Better you nagging me than Alexx and Calleigh, Speed."

"True.  They're going to go gushy and coo."  Horatio smirked at that.  "You know Calliegh will.  She'll try to pat and things too.  I don't want to grow breasts!"  He saw his boss shudder and looked at his chest.  "At least you're not horribly built.  I'd look funny.  I'm not quite as muscular as you are."

"I'm sure they'd go back down since I have no intention of using them."

"Eww.  I just had the picture of Eric playing with his."  He pinched the bridge of his nose.  "Please make me quit thinking about that."  Horatio smacked him on the top of the head.  "Not good enough.  Ewww, now I'm seeing him really pregnant and waddling eating pickles."  Horatio smacked him harder.  "Ow!"

"Did it help?"

"A little bit."  He shifted, letting his knees spread some.  "I'm still stuck on the whole 'breast' issue.  Did you know people have been writing stories online about pregnant men?"

"For some reason that doesn't surprise me.  How did you find that?"

"Cooper found some and was telling me about it a few weeks back.  They even have manipulated pictures and things."  He shook his head quickly and got another swat.  "Thanks, H.  You know, if we do, we could make sure they've got college funds by going on a talk show."

"I'd rather not."

"You could wear the really great suits," he offered with a small smirk.

"I like my suits.  Thank you anyway."  He gave him a look.  "Do you want there to be a baby Speed some day?"

"Not really.  With all the screwed up stuff in my life?  They'd end up being some circus freak or the biggest geek in the world."

"So they'll be the next great CSI in Miami," he said dryly.

Speed smiled at that image.  "Our two kids teaming up to wipe out crime with Frank's eventual kid?"  He looked up suddenly.  "If they got us, who else did they get?"

"I don't know.  Frank in the same condition is a pretty funny mental image.  He'd try to kill me if he ever knew I thought that but the hormone swings would definitely start to make crime slow down."

"Yeah, Eric would try the same.  I guess we have our doting 'spouses' picked out."   Horatio shuddered at that.  "They would.  No cooing like Calleigh but they would definitely go into protective overdrive."

"Frank would keep me in the office all day," Horatio agreed.  "Calleigh will come up every hour to pat me on the stomach and make sure I'm drinking tea instead of coffee."

"Does this mean I can go back to my t-shirts?"

"That was the Chief, not me, Speed."

"I know but they'll be a lot more comfortable and able to hide me for a lot longer.  And hey, eventually I'll end up being on lab-only restrictions.  If not in bed."

"I hadn't thought of that," Horatio admitted.

"Two words, boss.  Snipers.  Bombs."  Horatio gave him an unamused look.  "With the way you get into trouble?  They had better make a bulletproof vest with extra tummy control."

"I'd take normal precautions."

"That'd be nice," Speed assured him.  "You wearing a vest would be a great improvement."  Horatio frowned.  "Really.  Calleigh was talking about superglueing yours onto you the next time you didn't wear it."

"They seem to come up when it's in the office."

"Yeah, because that'll fly," Speed said dryly.  Horatio gave him another look.  "Oh, damn it, I'm talking myself into it, aren't I?"  Horatio nodded, giving him a smug look.  "Bastard."

"I'm only letting you talk it out, Speed.  It's still your decision and I'll stick by it.  I know the other guy didn't go through with his."

"I think it was more forced on him," Speed pointed out.

"It was from the rumors I checked into today," he agreed.  "We definitely can't tell anyone who has a big mouth."

"So I can't tell Eric?"

"I think we should wait," he offered.  "Let them figure it out."

"We are great CSIs," Speed said with a smirk.  "We should be able to figure out the clues pretty soon."

"I'd hope so.  I'd be disappointed if they didn't."  He got up with a small groan.  "Want some tunafish?"

"No, I'm having a hamburger night."

"Hamburgers.  Let's go.  I'll drive."

"Don't remind me I'll have to figure out how to put a carseat on the back of the bike, H.  It's mean."  He followed him out, letting him drive them to the better burger place in town.  This time of night all the teenagers were gone and they were pretty much alone.  "We'll have to confide in someone," he said quietly.  "Calleigh?  Eric?  Frank?"

"I'm still considering how bad it'll be with each of them.  Do not pick on Eric."

"Hey, they could be his.  His mother would be over the moon," Speed reminded him.  "Then we'd both get fussed over."

"Don't you get enough of that from Alexx?"

"Well, yeah."  He ate a bite of burger with everything on it.  "If we do tell him, I get to tell Eric."

"Fine," Horatio agreed tolerantly. "If we decide to tell Eric, you can tell him and Frank."

"Yeah," he snorted.  "That'll go over well."  He suddenly gave him an evil look and Horatio's eyes went wide.  "What?" he asked with innocent glee.

"Please don't pick on Frank.   You know how sensitive he is."

"Shoot, take all my fun," he complained, taking another bite.  "You know, I just realized this meant that rumor would start again."

"It probably will," Horatio sighed, eating a bite of his own burger with everything and extra pickles.  "At least it's a plausible reason for us to talk so often."

"The Chief threatened to separate me to night shift, Horatio."

"He can't do that this time, Speed.  She's got a full team and she refuses to work with you.  Since nothing's going to be going on in the lab, it won't happen."

"Okay.  If you're sure."  He finished his burger and looked at the board.  "I'd get another one but by the time I want it I'll be sick again."

"That too will stop within a few weeks," Horatio assured him.  Speed looked at him.  "I watched Yelina."

"You poor man."

"Definitely.  Talk about mood swings."  He finished his burger and went up to get another and some fries to take home.  Speed got his own.  At the very least they could have them when they quit getting sick in the morning.  He drove Speed back to get his bike then watched him leave.  "Be careful tonight," he said quietly once he was out of sight.  "I can't have you wreck now, Speed."  He went inside to get things ready for the morning ritual.  He didn't want to be late again.

***

Horatio watched Frank work their present scene's witnesses a few weeks after their revelation.  He was lucky, he was holding things down relatively well so far this morning.  The body wasn't to terrible.  He and Calleigh found everything they should ever hope to need.  Ballistics, a lot of hairs on the body, and lipstick prints on his neck.  The body got removed and Calleigh followed a few minutes later but he gave Frank a look telling him to wait with him.  He found one last thing and tucked it into an envelope for later evaluation, then put everything he had found into the back of his hummer, looking at Frank since he was leaning beside him.  "I need to talk to you."

"About this?"

"No, something personal."

"Sure.  Where?"

"Help me walk up the walking trail?"  That got a nod and Frank followed him.  He had his flashlight and kit for show mostly.  They knew nothing happened up this way.  "There's been some things going on recently that you probably aren't going to like," he said quietly as he looked around.  One of the flower bushes was making his head swim in a bad way so he quickly moved them away from it.  That got an odd look.  "You've heard about that one patrol officer, Merker?"

"I heard he had some sort of cancer.  Guy got rushed into surgery the day they found it."

"It wasn't cancer and the surgery may not have been his idea," Horatio said quietly.

"Yeah it was.  I heard it was stomach cancer."

"With a heartbeat, Frank," he said quietly.

Frank stared at him.  "He's a guy, Horatio," he said finally.

"Yes, I've been faced with that information recently while I got sick for the last few days," he admitted, giving him a look then around at the most deserted area.  He found something interesting in the bushes and went to look at it, finding it being a bloody knife.  "Not part of our crime scene put possibly part of one," he offered, pulling out a bag for it.  He snapped a few pictures, laid down a ruler to do another few, then bagged it and wrote on the bag once it was sealed.  It went into the top of his case and he looked around where the knife had been found.

Frank stared at his back, then around, feeling really strange.  "Okay, so if what you're saying is true," he decided finally, "then someone's in trouble."

"Yes, I could very well be," he agreed quietly, moving some of the bushes out of the way.  "Hmm.  This seems to be a popular spot to dump things."   He took pictures of the gun and pulled it out to look at it.  "Very nice compact thirty-eight."   He bagged that as well.  He searched through the rest of the hedge, then closed his case with the two weapons inside and looked at Frank again.  Frank was just staring at him looking amused.  "Frank, say something?"

"I'm hoping this is a joke.  Speed's getting me back for something?"

"No, he's in the same predicament," he offered.  Frank swallowed, just staring at him.  He walked him to a bench and sat him down.  "Breathe, Frank.  In and out, slowly, come on, breathe for me."  Frank shuddered all over and leaned forward to hold his head.  Horatio sat down next to him, watching the area around them.

"You're sure it can't be anything else?"

"Alexx found a heartbeat," he said very quietly.  "She guesses late third month."

Frank looked at him.  "For both of you?"  Horatio nodded once.  "Anyone else?"

"Not that I'm aware of.  We're still trying to figure out *how*."

"Yeah, that'd be a problem I'd want to know," he said, facing him more.  "Are you okay with this?"

"I won't be able to give up my family, Frank."  He looked horrified, standing up to stare at him.  "Which is why you have to know."

"How....  Uhn-uh.  No way in hell!"  Horatio nodded.  "You can't even be considering...."

"Frank, that surgery was not his choice," he warned. "In this case, my choice is that I'm doing this.  Speed's made the same choice but he's wobbling."  Frank nearly sat down on the ground.  "It's wet, Frank, and I'm not contagious."

"Are you sure?"

"We can test you once we get back to the office," he said dryly.

"Not funny, Horatio."  He scowled at him.  "So why tell me?"

"What did we do last week, Frank?"

"Chased down another bad guy and oooh, that's right, you ended up in the middle of a hostage situation again."  He smirked.  "That'll have to change."

"Yes and I'm sure it will.  I'll still need someone there to watch out for me.  As Speed joked, a hovering spouse sort."

"I'll do a lot for you, Horatio Caine, but I'm not your bitch," he joked.

Horatio cracked a smile.  "Of course not, Frank.  You do hover and fuss very well and we think it might be best if someone did know.  We're letting the others find out on their own."

Frank snickered at that.  "Uh-huh.  Lock Delko in a lab so he can rant and scream when he finds out."

"Speed kept getting stuck on the image of him being this way and having to hide from his very fussy mother."

"That woman is better at it than Alexx is," he agreed, then he shook his head quickly.  "I didn't need that image, Horatio."  That got another small smirk.  "So you're really....."  He glanced around.  "No wonder we took a walk."  Horatio hummed and nodded.  "Damn it!"

"Think about how I felt when I found out, Frank.  I thought I had the flu.  I couldn't even get drunk to make it easier."

"Okay."  He sat back down again.  "So you two need protected from your own instincts now and then.  I can do that.   I am not going to watch you two go all hormonal on everyone unless it's fun at the time.  Like you going off on Stetler or someone."  That got a small nod and a really wicked smirk.  "We both know they're coming I see."

"I watched while Yelina was pregnant with Ray Junior."

"I'm so sorry."

"That was Speed's reaction too but most of the time it was all right."

Frank snorted. "Sure it was, Horatio.  I remember her last bout of PMS.  Even you hid last month."

"Yes I did.  I almost thought she might be pregnant."  He shrugged.  "I know this information makes you feel uncomfortable, Frank."

"Ya think?" he snorted.  "But I can deal so you can be a fussy little mother of your own."  He stood up again.  "We should get those back."

"We should."  He grabbed his case and stood up, walking back to the hummer and Frank's car with him.  "Thank you."

"Yeah, but at least it's not mine.  It's not, right?"

"As you said, you're not my bitch, Frank."

"Good!  Speed's okay?"

"Probably still worrying and trying to talk himself out of it," he offered. "We'll find him alone in the labs with everyone staying far away from him all day.  As we have for the last few weeks."

"Your boy is a bit of a grump."

"Now and then," he agreed.  He put his case into the passenger seat as he climbed in.  "I'll see you back at the office."

"Sure."  He watched him drive off then got into his car, going to drive through somewhere for lunch so he had time to think.  He went back to his desk.  Horatio would tell him when he got something.  Right now he was stuck in the thought of Horatio waddling down the halls looking for peanut butter.  He glanced at Yelina's desk, noticing she was in.  She smiled back at him and he grinned at her, hoping it was a good enough show.  She raised an eyebrow so he shook his head.  "Just tired.  Didn't sleep well last night."

"It happens to the best of us, Frank."  She got back to work on an open case.

He looked at the ones open on his desk and got to work on one of them while he thought.   He saw Speed walk past their row and looked at him, getting a glare back.  So their moody one was even more moody today.  It was going to be a wild ride with Horatio and Speed both having mood swings.  Even Calleigh might lose some of her sunny nature if they did it at the same time.  Speed walked up to his desk with a file.  "For my case?"

"Yup."  He handed it over.  "Blood evidence leads back to the brother.  Horatio said you two talked about this one earlier."

Frank glanced at the evidence then at him.  "We did.  He had to search some bushes in the park.  Came up with a gun and a bloody knife."  That got a smirk.  "Good thing we went for that walk."  That got a small nod.  He grinned at him.  "You okay?"

"The flu seems to be receding for now.  I'm hoping it won't come back."

"Shouldn't.  Doesn't usually go round that fast."  He stared at him and Speed rolled his eyes.  "Yeah, we talked about that too," he agreed quietly.  "You're okay with me, kid."

"Thanks, Frank.  I'll remember that."

"Just don't make me watch the aftermath."

"I'm kinda hoping for a lot of drugs."

"You probably should," he agreed, handing it back. "Any idea where the brother is?"

"You're the detective," he said dryly, smirking at him.  "Find him, bring him in, and I'll help you threaten him."

"Sure, I can do that."  He checked the name on the case and got into his file to find out if he had talked to him yet.  Speed went back to work.  He wondered if being in the lab was safe, but being in the field was more dangerous.  He might get shot or something if he was out of the lab.  If they were his wife, he'd be superglueing them to a stool in the lab.  He'd be nice and make sure it was padded because he'd heard about all the hemorrhoids and things, but they'd be grounded to the lab once he found out.  Well, Horatio had said he needed a fussy spouse sort to make him quit doing stupid shit....  Looks like he might get his wish after all.  Because he could fuss worse than Delko's mom if he had to.  He knew exactly what sort of stupid shit a CSI like Speed or Horatio could get into.

***

Speed nibbled his lunch, thankfully not feeling sick at the moment.  He saw Eric looking his way.  "What?"  He ate another bite.

"You feeling better today?"

"Somewhat.  I'm keeping down lunch today."

"That's always good."  He smiled when Horatio walked into the break room with them.  "Hey, H.  Are you feeling better?"

"A little bit.  I'm told I had a pernicious case and it'll be a few more days before I feel totally better."  Speed moaned at that.  "You all right?"

"Perfectly fine.  Frank said you two had a long talk on the rounds looking for stuff people tossed in the park.  Find anything for me?"

"The bloody knife led back to that dog and jogger attack last week."  That got an evil smirk.  "Yes, the one with the rude man with the yappy dog."

"They probably did it because he was rude and the dog was yappy and wouldn't quit barking," Speed complained.

"Quite possibly," Horatio agreed, stirring some sugar into his coffee.  "Peanut butter?"

"Tofu."

"Eww," Eric complained.  "How can you eat that?"

"I'm not sure. It's disgusting but ..."  Eric's eyes went wide.  "Door."  Horatio closed and locked the door.  "Are we clear in here for cameras?"

"The closest is in the hallway that I'm aware of," Horatio admitted, sitting down beside Speed.  "Did you wring it out?"

"I did and it's still disgusting.  I'm not putting up with these."

"Then don't, Speed."  He patted him on the arm and then sipped his coffee, watching Eric's face change colors and him start to huff.

"He's going to scream in a second," Speed offered.

"Eric, calm down."

"Calm down!"

"Yes, you, you're loud.  We don't need someone screaming about this, Eric."  Eric huffed and glared at his best friend.  "Are you able to be reasonable?" Speed asked.  He got a terse nod.  "Good.  Then you can figure out how this happened to us and the poor patrol guy who got caught as well."  He threw out the rest of his sandwich.

"Patrol guy?"  Eric stared at them.  "The one the rumors said had cancer?"  Horatio nodded once.  "Hold on...."  He stared at them.  "I thought it was sympathy...."  They both shook their heads, shuddering a bit.  "You two are scary."

"And about to become worse if what Yelina went through is any indication," Horatio said blandly.

Speed looked at him.  "When are you going to tell her?"

"When she comes to me about my weight gain to see if I'm all right.  I'm definitely not telling her suddenly."

"Let me know so I can run and hide behind Eric, okay?"

"Of course."

Eric gave them an evil look.  "I'm not liking this joke, guys."

"Think how I felt.  I liked the waffles I made the other day."  Eric frowned at that.  "I did!  Fortunately Alexx remembered how to combat this sickness stuff."  He went to the machine and found something in there that looked better to him than tofu, getting it.  "Ah," he said, sitting down with the nut log.  "Better."  He started to pick at it and looked at Eric.  "You know you can't tell anyone, right?"

"Who would believe me!"

"Eric, the other officer afflicted with this problem had emergency surgery," Horatio said quietly.  "Not of his own choice from what I've heard."  Eric stiffened at that.  "You know and one other knows beyond us and Alexx."

He stared at them.  "I'm so going to help her fuss," he warned.  Then he smirked really wickedly at them.  "You two are in for it now."

"Well, we do need someone who knows and can watch our backs in the field," Speed offered.  "So you get to do hubby detail."

"Sure."  He looked at Speed, then his chosen lunch.  "Try shrimp, Speed.  Trust me."  Speed moaned at that.  He looked at Horatio.  "Are you about the same length?"

"Late third inning," Speed agreed.

"So that wasn't the flu."  They both shuddered.  "Crackers and ginger ale, boys.  It's the only way."  They both sighed and nodded.  "Horatio, eat more than coffee."

"I had a sandwich already, Eric.  I came down to help him tell you."

"Good!   Who else knows?"  He stared at them. "Frank?" Horatio nodded.  "Even better.  He's reasonable.  We can go have a drink and shudder in horror tonight.  What about Calleigh and the others?"

"If and when she finds out.  She'll throw a worse fit than you will be once you're alone," Speed told him.  He picked off another section of the nuts.   "I was going to give you a card."

Eric snorted.  "I would've thumped you good if you had, Speed."  He leaned on the counter.  "Now, what're we doing about doctors?"

"Alexx," Speed offered.

"We do need to do some quiet bloodwork, make sure we're the only one hit," Horatio offered.  He finished his coffee and Speed shoved over half his nut log minus all the nuts.  "I just had sugar."

"So?"

Horatio picked at the nougat.  "Eric, are you all right with this?"

"No," he said honestly.  "I'm not.  I'm going to go have a temper tantrum in a few minutes.  I will be checking on what's safe to do in the lab.  I will also be nagging you if I find you breaking those and so help me God, H, if you go into another bomb scene or something where you need your vest and you don't have it on I'll spank you."

"That could be fun to watch," Speed offered with a smirk for the boss.  "You up for kinky sex with Eric, H?"

"Not really," he admitted dryly.  Eric snorted at that.  "Should you try I will take great pleasure in grounding you to the lab for months on end, Eric."

"You wanted me to fuss, you'll get me fussing."  He walked out, heading to throw his fit and talk with God about how right this wasn't.

"When he does spank you, can I watch?" Speed asked him.

"Not funny, Speed."  Speed smirked at him.  "Keep it up, do the next dumpster."

"That would probably make him fuss and spank."

Horatio got up, taking his nougat with him back to his office.  The labs were working on his things and he had paperwork to do.  That way he could ignore Eric ranting down in one of the empty labs.  Still within his sight but soundproofed.  It was a nice thing for him to do.  He saw Calleigh head that way but Eric held the door shut so she couldn't get in.  They had a silent conversation and then she shrugged and walked off while he went back to screaming at God about doing this to men.  So far the reactions had been fun to watch.  Frank had nearly passed out and Eric was going on a ten minute rant at God.  Much better than his own had been.

***

Eric and Frank sat down that night at the bar, looking at each other.  "How do we protect them from themselves?"

"We carry handcuffs, Delko," Frank offered.  "I'm sure they'll be helpful at least one time in the next six months."

"Four.  There's no way they'll be on scenes after that."

"Yeah," he snorted.  "This is Caine we're talking about."  Eric moaned.  Speed was just as stubborn as Horatio was.  "Any other ideas?"

"A lot from watching two sisters go through it," he admitted.  "I know exactly what not to say and how to duck and run at the same time."  He saluted him with his beer.  "Should we be talking to Alexx?"

Frank looked at him.  "Do you want that rant?"

"No," he admitted, smiling at him.  "I don't know about you but I want to forget today happened for another week."

"I've been thinking about taking a nap and waking up to a sane world most of the day," he admitted, sipping his beer.  "Then I realized my wife would scream at me if I woke up screaming about babies."

"Probably true," Eric sighed.  "At least I don't have that problem."

"Yet."

Eric looked at him.  "Do we see me settling down with one woman, Frank?"

"Wellllll....  Maybe a very creative and flexible woman."

"She'd have to be."  He finished his beer.  "Okay, first we've got to make sure they're eating a semi-decent diet.  One of them had a nutlog for lunch and some tofu.  The other had coffee and a sandwich of something."

Frank snorted.  "At least they ate lunch.  I've heard Yelina and Alexx both complaining that they keep skipping meals."

"H never goes home."

"Speed works all hours too.   How fussy do we get to be?"

"I don't know," Eric admitted.  "Speed will kick my ass if I get too pushy too fast."

"Hmm.  So let's start with gentle nagging about the diet stuff.  Dropping food in front of them."

"Right now one wants sweets the other protein."  They shared a look.  "I'll get stuff for one tomorrow, you pick up the other's lunch?"

"Sure.  Am I getting sweets?"  Eric nodded.  "Damn.  Oh, I know."  He grinned.  "I know what to get."

"Yeah, I'm thinking I do too.  Okay, so that's a start then we can quietly step it up as this...sickness goes on.  I've got to look up safe lab practices for when you're sick.  Damn it, Cal's going to kill us."

"Hmm.  I kept thinking about Yelina when she finds out they're... sick."

"It'll make my rant at God seem pleasant I'm sure."

"You ranted at God?"

"Yeah, this is clearly a punishment for doing too much good."  He got another beer and sipped it.  "We've got to do some rumor management."

"Yup.  Because if this gets out we've got two walking targets on our hands."  Eric nodded at that.  "Any other ideas since you've been here before?"

"Patience.  Lots and lots of patience.  I can guarantee you one will turn his nose up at something and then come back twenty minutes later wanting it.  At least twice.  The constant problems while they're sick.  We might want to talk about getting a new tech."  He took another sip.  "How is he going to add onto the bike for safety?"

Frank looked at him.  "You can't do that.  Can you?"

Eric glanced around then at him.  "Can you see Speed *ever* giving up his bike?"

"No," he sighed, shaking his head.  "But I thought earlier about one of those signs on the back of the hummers."

Eric cracked a smile at that.  "One of those Winnie the Pooh shades?"  Frank snickered at that.  Calleigh sat down across from them.  "Hey."

"Hey.  You two didn't tell me you were coming out tonight.  I should pout."

"We're talking about some rumors going around," Frank admitted.  "Playing with some what ifs, ya know?"

"Oh, I do."  She looked around then at them.  "What happened to that one guy with stomach cancer?" she asked quietly.  "The Chief asked me earlier if I was feeling all right and if I had a new boyfriend."

Eric shrugged.  "He's been really nosy recently," he admitted.  "He asked me if I was feeling all right.  Maybe he thought you were pregnant with the flu going around."

"No, seriously."  She shook her head. "I'm a very careful girl.  That's not my thing, really."  They both smiled at her.  "Anything I can know?"

"We're not totally sure of anything yet," Frank admitted.

"Cal, with Horatio and Speed both coming down off the flu maybe we should handle cases tomorrow?  They were both really tired after today and Speed stayed in the labs so he could growl at everyone."

"He was.  I'm concerned about both of them.  They both looked exhausted when they left."  She took Eric's beer to sip.  "I'm all but free so I can help with anything new that we get tomorrow."  Eric grinned.  "Can we complain about the Chief asking me if I was pregnant?"

"Quietly," Frank agreed.

"I'm betting he's thinking that the storms a few months back made a lot of people huddle together," Eric offered.  "He asked me about new girlfriends."

"Huh.  I still don't like it and he's lucky I didn't mood swing on him."  She took another drink.  "Thanks for the beer, Eric.  I'll see you boys tomorrow."  She walked off with it to talk to another friend.

Eric looked at Frank.  "Looks like I got cut off so I'll see you tomorrow as well."

"Sure, Delko.  Sleep well."

"Yeah, right," he snorted, heading out to his car so he could head home.   He did cruise by Horatio's house.  He was home and the lights were on.  He cruised past Speed's.  His bike was covered in his parking spot.   So they were safely in for the night at least.   He could go home and search online for safe lab procedures.  Because it was up to him to enforce it until he got Alexx into it for a more serious thing.

***

The Chief of Police walked into Horatio's office the next day, closing the door.  "I need you to quietly run some tests."

"Why?"

"Some officers at a scene got exposed to something.  We need to know who got exposed so we can get them treatment.  Since it's a federal slip-up if it's not done quietly they could torture the department or withhold funding."  He put a case of blood vials onto his desk.  "That's all you need and you need to run this test," he ordered, handing over a slip of paper.

Horatio looked at it, not showing that he knew what it was.  "That's fine.  Should I worry about radiation hazards or telling them?"

"No, I'll tell them.  That's why they're only numbered, Horatio.  I have the list of who gave what vial in my office so I can let them know.  I may have a few more for you to test later."  That got a nod.  "When will you know?"

Horatio looked at his clock.  "Eight hours."  He looked at him again.  "We've got a backlog of cases in that lab and we can't run them as a mass batch.  We'd have to do each sample independently."

"That's fine.  I can talk to them after shift tonight.  Thank you and remember to keep this absolutely silent."  Horatio nodded.  The Chief left.

Horatio called Speed.  "Come here please."  He hung up and waited, looking at the vials.  Speed walked in.  "We're running HGH samples on these.  Find the afflicted officers so we can talk to them," he ordered quietly.

"How?  DNA?"  Horatio nodded.  "Okay.  Any more coming?"

"Possibly.  I told him we were backed up.  He said this has to be kept absolutely quiet and it was some sort of federal slipup where they got exposed to something."

"Sure it was," he agreed, heading down with the vials.  He locked himself in the chem lab, pulling all the shades to prepare the blood for the test.  An hour later he walked them over to DNA, pulling Valera aside.  "I have a priority search and find," he whispered in her ear.  "I cannot tell you why.  I can tell you that the victims were officers and that they were exposed to something so we have to tell them."  She looked at him and nodded.  "You may not say a word to anyone about what you hear or see."

"Of course.  What sort of samples?"  Speed handed over the affected blood samples.   "All these?"

"The Chief wants briefed at five," he said quietly.  "We need to tell them before then."  She nodded, taking them to get to work.  "Don't do any other tests, Valera."

"Of course not.  Ours?"  He nodded. "Okay. That'll cut down search times."  She made shooing motions.  "I'll page you."  He nodded, heading back to clean up the other lab.  Horatio came in with two others while she watched. "I wonder what sort of biohazard was released," she muttered as she prepared the first one.   She had three stations and all three of them could do this.  Eric's sample could wait for a few minutes longer. She could run that while the last batch was being prepared.

***

Speed walked upstairs.  "She's searching one.  It's admin somewhere."  He laid down the rack of tubes, separated out.  "These are positive.  These are who they belong to," he said, handing over the printed fact sheets on each officer.  "Notice the concentration of where they came from?"

"The ....  That stupid cruise ship exercise."

"I'm taking Eric's and Frank's blood, H."

"Do it."  Speed nodded, going to get Alexx to do that for him.  Horatio got the first officer paged to him with a 'see Caine in CSI ASAP, do so quietly' message.  He came in and Horatio looked at him.  "Sit, please."

"What's going on?  I don't usually work with you and I haven't applied for a transfer, sir."

"Sit, Officer."  He sat.  Horatio got up to close the door then sat down again.  "This is going to sound very strange."

"I see the vials the Chief had someone pull.  What came up?"  Horatio handed over the test results with his number.  He looked at it then at him. "My wife had one of these......    Oh hell no!"  He hopped up.  "Your machine's got to be wrong."   Horatio opened his drawer and pulled out a test strip.  "But...  But I'm a guy."

"You're also not the only one hit, Officer.  The Chief wanted to tell you this tonight but I know we've all heard about the one officer who had stomach cancer?"  That got a pale, shaky nod.  "Exactly.  We feel it's best if you know now.  That way you have the chance to make some decisions and think.  You are not the only one affected," he said quietly.  "There's at least eight of you."  Speed tapped then walked in with another sheet.  "We found him?"

"We did and he was there."  He closed the door and looked at him.  "We think it happened at the cruise ship exercise," he said quietly.  "Delko is working on how.  You're now one of ten."  That got a horrified look.  "We wanted you to know first.  Before the Chief."

"I..."  Horatio nodded at the testing strip, getting a nod. "I'll be right back."

"That's fine.  I'm sure you know what those are for," Horatio agreed.  The officer left, going to the bathroom to do that.  Horatio looked at Speed. "Get the others here quietly."

"Already done.  They picked partners, H."  He walked out, going to get the last one personally.  He was off today according to his supervisor.  He took the copy of the sheet and headed for a hummer, going to his house.  By the time he got there, he had rehearsed what he was going to say.  Thankfully.  The guy was affectionately known as the Fertility Bunny around the precincts.  His wife was pregnant with baby number nine.  He parked and got out, heading up to the door to knock.  "Hi, you may not know me.  I'm Speedle with the Crime Lab.  We need to talk."

"Has something happened?"  He looked around the house. "All the kids and the wife are here."  Speed just gave him a look.  "Come into the kitchen."  He let him inside and back to the kitchen, closing the door.  "What's wrong?"

"The Chief had blood pulled, claiming you were exposed to something?" he said quietly.  He nodded slowly.  "He had us run the tests quietly.  The only people who know the outcome so far and Horatio and I.  The DNA tech knows that something happened but not what.  We decided you needed to know before the Chief told you."

"Why?"

Speed handed over the paper.  "We were to run that one single test."

"But that's....  That's a blood pregnancy test," he hissed.  Speed nodded.  "No."

"Yeah, man.  I'm sorry.  That's what it came up.  You're not the only one.  You're one of eleven that I know of.  Unfortunately we think the Chief's thinking in terms of not embarrassing the department.  That's why Horatio and I decided you guys who were affected needed to know first."

"I...  I'm a guy!" he said.  His wife came in.  "Not now, dear."

"Take the home version," Speed offered. "Prove it to yourself but he'll be calling everyone in for a talk after shift tonight."

He looked at his wife.  "Apparently I got exposed to something at work."  He handed over the paper.

"I had one of these with two of the girls."  She looked at him.  "In the bathroom cabinet, under the sink.  There's a spare test."  He headed that way.  She looked at him.  "How?"

"We have no idea.  The Chief asked Horatio to run the tests quietly.  He told us what test to run.  I ran them and Horatio's telling the guys who're on shift today."  He heard the bellow and sighed.  "We know he's at least one of eleven."

"How?"

"I don't know.  All we know is we've correlated it to a federal disaster exercise a few months back.  The ones we know formally about are about three months along, late three months.  I do know our ME knows because she did a check on one guy when he had the flu for days on end."  She wobbled and he helped her into a chair.  "Calm down."

"This is wrong."

"That's between you and God, ma'am."  The officer came back in.  "This is why we wanted you to know before the Chief wanted to tell you.  So you had time to think and decide that."  That got a nod.

The officer looked at his wife, who was shaken, but took his hand and gave it a squeeze.  "I don't believe in ending things like life unless it's going to kill me."

"I have no idea on that," Speed offered.  "You can ask Alexx Woods.  We know she did an ultrasound on at least one guy."

"The guy with the stomach cancer," he said, realizing it.

"I'd need his blood to test but I'm pretty sure, yeah."

"Oh, God."

Speed helped him sit down. "Think, Officer.  For right now just think.  He'll be calling you in for a meeting after shift tonight.  We bought you guys that long."

"How did you know?"

"He selected which test and only wanted us to run one.  The HGH test only has one reason," he reminded him.  "Human growth hormones don't come up for any other reason except a rare sort of tumor.  We have kept this absolutely silent.  We don't want anyone to know if you don't.  That's why I came here instead of calling from the lab.  Horatio's got the others in his office."  That got a nod and a hard swallow by his wife.  "I'm not going to dictate to you.  I can't do that.  It's not my right.  I'm only here to keep you from panicking tonight and to give you the time to do some rational thinking without being railroaded."

"Thank you."

"Welcome.  Like I said, ME Woods knows that it's going on.  You can talk to her if you need to."  That got a nod.   "The one she did an ultrasound on was late third month."

"That's why you've had the flu then," she said quietly.  "God, why us?" she whispered.  He kissed her hand.  "I'll stand behind you, dear.  No matter what."

"I'll leave you two alone," Speed promised, heading back out to the hummer.  He made sure none of the kids came out with him and called Horatio.  "H, me.  I told the guy who was off-shift today.  Yeah, he's doing a bit of what Eric did yesterday."  He backed down the driveway and headed back to the office.  "Since I'm out, need anything for lunch?"  He smiled.  "Sure, if Eric brought me food I might eat it."  He hung up and pulled onto the main street, heading back to the station with a stop for a good iced tea.

***

Horatio hung up and looked at the officers in front of him.  They had wanted to go together since they were partners and close friends.  "The one who's not on shift today was also told."

"How did this happen?" one guy demanded.

"If I knew that I'd kill the person who created it," Horatio assured him.  That got some nods.  "I have noticed it seemed to work on mostly fathers so far.  It's related back about sixty percent to fatherhood."  They all nodded at that.  "I can tell you when it probably happened since one person has had an ultrasound.  It happened about three months ago, just over by her estimates."

"That disaster drill," one guy in the back said, frowning.  Horatio nodded. "We're sure?"

"No.  I won't be until I know how it happened.  I do have someone quietly working on this. That way we can see if it'll suddenly drop out or make you more susceptible to it later on. We are keeping this very quiet."

"Merker," that same guy asked.

"We think so."

"My mother would kill me if I brought home an illegitimate grandchild," one guy said.

"Again, that's why we're telling you now.  So you can make that decision on your own however you choose to," Horatio said gently.  "We're not going to tell you what to do but we did not want you to be ambushed with it tonight.  If he does tell you tonight how it happened I would like to know.  I know Alexx is hiding one of the afflicted ones who refuses to do anything but love his."

"If I find out, sir, I'll tell you," one of them promised.  They stood up.  "Can we go?"

"Go.  Be careful today.  We said we'd tell him at the end of the day.  We couldn't realistically stall later than that."

"Sure.  We get that.  Thank you for letting us know first."  They walked out not looking at each other or the one guy who had gotten there late.

Horatio nodded him inside.  "Close the door."

"What's going on?  Did that disaster drill go really wrong?"

Horatio looked at him.  "The door?"  The door was closed.  "Sometime during that, we think, a bunch of people were exposed to something.  The Chief asked us to check."

"Okay.  And?  I was?"  He nodded, handing over the sheet.  "Um, Lieutenant, I think your machine's broken.  My wife had that one when she was pregnant four years ago."

"Yours is higher than average.  We think it's twins," he said looking perfectly serious.  The guy burst out laughing.  Horatio handed over a test strip.  The guy quit laughing.  "You're not the only one.  The Chief had us run the bloodwork quietly.  We broke his rules to tell you before he could so you wouldn't be ambushed with it tonight.  We have to tell him tonight who was affected and then he's planning on calling a meeting."

"I...."  The test strip was held up again.  He snatched it and went to use it.  He came back ten minutes later looking like he had been crying.  "Okay.  Now what?" he asked, sitting down in front of him.

"As you saw, you're not the only one affected," he offered quietly.

"Is Jones?  The fertility bunny?"

"We're not sharing names but it's entirely possible.  We've noticed a high amount of fathers in those who we found positive."

He swallowed and Horatio kicked his trash can closer, letting him get sick.  He got up to hold him for a minute, giving basic human comfort until the guy shrugged so he got off.  "You're not alone in this.  I know Alexx is still shielding someone.  We know at least the ones you saw and you were affected."  That got a nod and the guy wiped his mouth off.  Horatio offered him a mint, getting a small smile.  "We're also not sure what the Chief was going to do tonight.  That's why we wanted to tell you in person before then."

"Okay.  Do we think he's going to quarantine us or something?"

"I do not know," Horatio told him.  "I have no idea."

"I... I can't, Lieutenant."

"That is your choice and not for me to decide.  That's the other reason we're telling you before he can.  So you have time to think and not act out of panic."  That got a nod and the guy got up, heading back to his car and going back to his patrol.  Horatio said a silent prayer and looked over when Eric came in.  "What's going on?"

"I ran the tests on Frank, me, Cooper, and the other guys in the lab.  We're all negative."

"Good to know.  Anyone who did come up?"

"No.  Not yet.  Are you sure, H?  I know this is going to be hard on you."  He nodded.  "You can still find a wife and all.  You know that.  Hell, plenty of women would love to have you."  That got a gentle smile.  "It's kinda creepy."

"I feel the same way," he agreed.  "Actually, I passed out when I heard Speed's."  That got a small smile.  "Does anyone else know?"

"Cal and I are conspiring to keep you two off cases for the next little while."

"I'm fine, Eric.  Just a bit tired."

"Frank and I brought you two lunch today."  That got another gentle smile.  "Let us handle some things.  C'mon.  Lunch time."

"Of course."   He followed him down to the break room, finding Frank ushering in Speed.   "Okay, we're here and you promised us food?"  Eric got into the bags and handed him some of his favorite pastries with fruit filling.  "Eric."

Frank smirked at Speed and handed him something he normally wouldn't eat but he was salivating.  "Eric said you were craving meat, salt, and protein."  He sat down with his own kielbasa sandwich.  Eric sat down with his salad.  "How did today go?"

"Both ours came out negative, so did all the others in the lab and I ran Calleigh's just in case it wasn't specific."

"Good idea," Speed agreed, stealing a bite of pastry with a moan.  Horatio traded him one for half his sandwich.  "Thanks, H and Eric.  You too, Frank."

"It helps," Eric offered with a small grin.  Alexx walked in.  "Hey.  What's up?"

"I've had two others come down to have me check," she admitted, sitting between Eric and Frank. "How many more should I expect?"

"We tested eleven positive ones," Speed said quietly.  "We've told them all."

"Good.  That's better than I could do."  She got her lunch out of the fridge and came back over to eat the yogurt.  "So, now what?"

"We told the Chief we'd tell him tonight around five," Horatio said quietly.  "He didn't give us names so we had to find them."

"Valera got my results to me finally," Eric offered.  "Not that I mind in this case.  Eat."  They dug in again, eating their good lunch.  "Okay, I do have one note," he said, getting up to close the break room door since Stetler was up the hall.  He pulled out a sheet and handed it over.  "Those are unsafe lab practices for people with this problem.  We will be following them or else I will spank and will then hand you to Alexx."  She smiled at that.  "Are we clear?"  They both nodded.  "Good.  Speed, have you cleaned your gun?"

"Last night while I was thinking."

"I think you should start leaving it in the locker, boys," Frank said quietly.

"We have other means at home," Horatio reminded him.  "It'll be fine.  If Speed or I get to that point, we know who we can call on."  Speed nodded at that.  "Good."  He finished up before the door opened.  "Yes, Rick?"

"Why were you paging officers up here?"

"Going over an evaluation of the last disaster drill."

"I hadn't heard we had one."

"You weren't supposed to.  I got it privately.  It was mostly praise.  Only a few cases of doubled duties."

"That's good."  He walked out again, seeming satisfied by that for now.

Horatio shook his head.  "Now what?"

"Now we go back to work like usual and we be very careful about the precautions on that list," Alexx reminded him.  "Also, if there's any cats you'll need to have them checked for worms."

"Gee, another great thing," Speed said bitterly.  "Anything else I should know?"

She looked at him.  Then she nodded.  "Within the next few months your sense of balance is going to shift, Speedy.  Completely shift.  It can change from day to day for a while too.  After that, you'll have hemorrhoids."

"I'm not giving up my bike," he said firmly.

"That's fine, but there's going to be some days you won't be able to ride it.  Cab or beg a ride that day."  She stared him down.

"We were wondering how he was going to put a carseat on the back," Frank offered with a grin.

"I searched online. They make them," Speed told him.  He finished up his lunch and got up.  "Thanks, guys."  Eric held up the sheet of precautions.  "Must I?"

"Yeah.  You wanted me to fuss.   It's me or Calleigh, Speed."  He shuddered and took the sheet back to his lab to read over while things ran.  "H?"

"I'll go over it while I'm doing paperwork."  He got up, taking it with him once his mess had been cleaned.

"He's nesting early," Eric said quietly, looking outside.

"I did it in my fourth month with the first kid," she assured him.  "When did your sisters?"

"Sixth.  Both of them, all the times."

"It can vary from person to person.  You know, a few days ago I would've said women.  I think I'm making progress."  She got up and went back to the morgue to wait on any others coming in to see her.

Frank looked at Eric.  "That went better than I thought."

"They'll fuss about it soon," he assured him. "About the same time they start to feel fat."  He got up and threw away the last few pieces of his salad, going back to work.

Frank finished his lunch then sighed and went back to his desk.   He had antacids in there.  He needed some after that sandwich with onions.

***

Horatio looked up when the Chief came in at five.  "The ones on the right have tested positive for being pregnant."

The Chief slammed the door.  "How did you know?"

"Do you know how many tests we run a year on murder victims?"

"Oh."  He slumped.  "So you know?"

"I do know.  I also know that we told them all."

"How?"

"DNA, Chief."  He stared him down.  "We heard what happened to Merker," he said quietly.

"Do you know what this'll do to the department!"

"Do you know what this'll do to the people who're affected?" he countered.  "Some people are very religious.  Some of them won't let you do to the same thing to them."  He went pale.  "Now, you can find a way for them to quietly sit on a very boring desk for the next six months or not.  Personally I'd like to know how since I know at least one is hiding from you."

"Who?"

"I'm not telling you.  He's not in that batch and he doesn't want you to know.  He's made his choice, Chief.  Now, how did this happen?"

"I don't know.  I know it was something to do with that mock drill three months ago.  I know they did something and gave you all drugs.  Did you test the lab personnel?"

"When we correlated the people and Alexx came to me about that one hidden one it could have only come from that event.  Especially since one was an observer."  The Chief shuddered.  "Again, we'd like to know how.  In case it can bite us on the ass at a later time."

"I was told if you weren't already you wouldn't be.  If anyone told anyone like the press, we'd be losing all federal funds, accreditation, and all standing."

"Then you tell the ones who choose to go through with this to keep it quiet.  You find them someone quiet to go to, someone like Alexx.  You keep them off patrol and in a very quiet office with steady hours for a while."

"I can do that," he agreed.  "What about that one?"

"Even if you did that they're not going to go with your plans, Chief.  They will keep it quiet so they don't end up as part of a media circus.  Their phrase, not mine."

"Are they in the lab?"  Horatio stared at him.  "Is it you?"

"No comment."

"Fine. They can go to Doctor Woods about this.  No one else."

"Even if there's a problem?"

"She can handle it.  She's got the contamination room, she can use it for exams and things.  I'll tell her personally and bring her with me tonight."  He stood up.  "You told them all?"

"I did."

"Did Jones hit?"  He nodded.  "Crap.  Do they know I'm going to call them?"

"They do," Speed said from the doorway, coming in and closing the door.  "They also know we told them early so they had the time to think.  Especially since Merker had to have someone get his gun from him last night, Chief."  The man went pale.  "So, no, the one hiding is going to stay hidden.  The others, you've got a fight if you're going to do the same thing."

"If anyone finds out," he hissed.

"If they do, we'll sue the ass off them because they didn't have our permission.  This is the same as rape.  Even the ones it didn't work on.  Did you test the others?"

"Only the ones who've been sick."

"Some women don't have morning sickness."

"I'll have the rest tested.  You ran the test?"

"And told Jones."

"I see.  What's he...."

"He's a devout Fundamental Baptist.  His wife's pregnant with number nine.  What do you think?" he said dryly.

"Fine.  I'm sure it'll be fine."  He swallowed and looked at them.  "I will protect whoever it is."

"No comment," Speed said firmly, glaring at him.

"I see."  He stood up.  "You?"

"No."

"Oh."  He frowned. "You know who?"  Speed nodded. "You're both protecting them?"  They both nodded.  "They have help?"

"Some limited help and a few others who're watching over them," Speed agreed.  "We know who we can trust if we're not there, Chief.  Do you know if it works on women?"

"Only if they've had sex recently."

"Does that mean the others will be clones?" Speed asked.  "Because I'm having some bad mental images if that's true."

"Not that I'm aware of.  This cannot get out."

"Then it won't.  If it does, we'll sue them if they try shit.  I didn't ask someone to try something experimental as hell that can kill me!"  That got a nod and the Chief walked out.  He sat down.  "You think he will?"

"I think he'll encourage it," Horatio admitted. "From the looks on most of their faces most of them might be convinced to go with his idea."  He played with his pen while he leaned back some.  "I'm hungry.  You?"

"Definitely.  I want spinach for some reason."

"Quiche?"

"Oooh," Speed moaned.  "Come to my place, I make a mean one."

"I'll be there in a while.  I've got some dreaded paperwork to do."

"Sure.  It'll take about an hour to be done."  He went to clean up his lab for night shift then head home.  He found Eric outside.  "I'm making a quiche."

"What's a quiche?"

"Custard pie with stuff.  I was going to make spinach, feta, and swiss cheese."  Eric shook his head.  "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."  He got onto his bike and grinned.  "Still feels perfect."

"Good.  Let's hope it stays that way," he agreed.  He smiled as Speed rushed off.  "Because he's going to pout if he has to give up his bike."  He turned and found Stetler staring at him.  "What?  I'm catching some air before I go home."

"Are you sleeping with Caine?"

"In case it's slipped your attention I sleep with at least four different women a month, Stetler," he said dryly.  "What makes you think I'd go for boys suddenly?"

"Blackmail?" he asked.  "Sexual harassment?"

"H is damn sexy in some of those suits of his, but I still like the fairer sex.  Now if Calleigh ever gets the head office...."  He smirked and walked off.   He'd leave it to his imagination.  Calleigh gave him a look from inside.  "He asked me if I was sleeping with the boss."

"I love you, Eric, but I don't think you'd put up with being tossed onto your back repeatedly and I take Horatio as the sort of guy who likes to be on top."  Eric nodded that he did too.  "So if you are, I don't care. I don't wanna see it, but I wouldn't care."

"It'd never happen, Calleigh."  He grinned at her. "He's being paranoid."

"He's internal affairs. It's part of their genetic code."  She walked out.  "Going home, see you tomorrow, Eric."

"Sure, Cal."  He went back up to get his stuff out of his locker then head home for the night as well.  He ran into Horatio.  "Go home."

"I'm having dinner with Speed tonight."

"I heard.  I had to ask what a quiche was."

"If done correctly very nice and just a bit silky," he offered with a small smile.  "Are you coming over?"

"Nope.  Not into spinach.  Maybe next time."  He grinned.

"More for us."

"Just don't gain too much weight or you'll complain."  He walked off still smiling.  He went to find where his sister had gotten the button expander for her pants.  Maybe Horatio could use one of those when his pants quit fitting.  That way he didn't have to buy a lot of new suits.

***

Horatio tapped on Speed's door, getting a smile and a nod inside while the other guy walked back into the kitchen.  "Am I too early?"

"I had to stop at the store for some fresh cheese. It's got about ten more minutes."  He looked at Horatio.  "You know it's our solemn duty to get around them now and then."

"Hmm.  Eric warned me not to eat too much tonight."

"I'm told being fat for a while is inevitable."  He checked the quiche, jigging it a bit.  "Still just a bit too soft."  He closed the oven and looked at him.  "They're trying to be sweet."

"They are but some day soon we'll have to put our foot down," Horatio agreed.  "Frank's wife might think he's cheating on her if he keeps bringing us lunches."

"Eric's mother might think we're together," Speed agreed, earning a small smile for that.  "How did the meeting go?"

"He did try to pressure them into it.  Four of them stood firm.  One of them on religious reasons.   He's evaluating how to separate them out of the general populace of the station they work in introduced them all to Alexx, who demanded to know how this was done.  He gave her the same story about druggings and then mind wiping drugs during that drill."

Speed pulled out the quiche and let it sit on top of the stove, turning off the oven.  "If we ever find out who, I'm siccing her on them."

"I'll make popcorn."  They shared a smile.  "We need to figure out how to calm Calleigh down when she figures it out.  She'll be hurt we didn't trust her."

"I'm going to look at her and tell her the truth.  Her fit would bring attention and she'd fuss worse than Eric and Frank!"

Horatio smiled.  "Then she'll pout and cry on you."

"By then I'll be having mood swings so I'll probably cry right back."  He shrugged and dished up a plate of food, handing it to Horatio with the milk.  "Mom."

"I got that same email from her earlier."  He sipped his milk then dug into the dinner. "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Least I could do since you came over and took my gun from me last night."  Horatio smiled at him. "Can we have at least one mood swing on Stetler?"

"As soon as we can," Horatio agreed, taking another bite.  "I like this.  You did a great job."

"Thanks.  My kid will never have to eat crappy boxed food unless he or she wants to."  He sat down beside Horatio. "Are you worried about paternity?"

"I'm worried they planned on ending the experiment early so they used one DNA sample on everyone.  He did say something interesting.  He said if a woman had gotten caught in it she would have only gotten pregnant if she had been having sex."  He finished milk and got up to pour them both some more.  "So I'm wondering if there was a paternal sample built in or not."

"If not it must've been put in separately.  Which makes me think they didn't vary the paternal sample," Speed agreed, considering it.  "Well, at least they won't have my screwed up parents."

"Or mine."  They clinked milk glasses and dug into the quiche.  It was very good and just the right sort of soft.

***

A month later Horatio looked down at his stomach with a frown.  "You're too big, son.  I have to be able to wear pants to work."  He got out his largest pair of pants and even they wouldn't fit.  He had one bigger set of jeans but that was so unprofessional.  He sighed and pulled them on.  He could claim a dry cleaner mistake.  He pulled on his favorite shirt, noticing it was a bit tight around the stomach too.  So he pulled on a bigger one, and it fit, barely.  He tucked it in and put on his shoes with a groan of pain, but they went on.  Then he grabbed everything and slid into one of his jackets before heading out.  Frank gave him an odd look so he glared at him.  "Do not even start, Frank."

"Okay.  Here, Eric found these last week."  He handed him a small package.  Horatio looked then at him.  "We're not sure how they'll go with the shirt tucked in.  Try it and see."

"Thank you."  He headed upstairs, finding Calleigh giving him an appraising look.  "Dry cleaner mistake."

"That's fine. You look nice in those.  They fit you well."  She smiled and patted him on the arm.  "You look good."

He smiled at that and headed up to his office.  He tried the button expander and his pants were more comfortable.  As long as he stayed zipped up and kept it at the first hole it wasn't too noticeable.  It'd be less noticeable if he untucked his shirt but he wasn't like that.  Speed walked in wearing his baggiest jeans and a long t-shirt.  "Did you get the..."  Speed held it up.  "It's not too bad at the first setting."

"Yay us."  He shrugged. "I'm not worried about that.  Can I come over tonight?"  Horatio nodded.  "Thanks. There's been some strange shit in the last few days."  He walked off, going to be grumpy with his current case. Even if these pants did usually make him look like a stupid wannabe thug with how they fell down around his hips.  This time they weren't so it was going to be okay.  Eric gave him a look.  "Don't even," he warned.

"I was going to remark those look better now than they usually do.  They hit the right spot on your hips to make you look good.  You should've warn a slightly smaller t-shirt though."  Speed growled and he held up a hand.  "You're not getting fat, Speed."

"Bet me!"

"You're not.  It's all him or her," he said quietly.  "Not you."  Speed still pouted.  "It'll be all right.  Remember how long this'll last and how soon it'll be over with after that."  That got a nod.  "Okay?"  He looked at him. "Good.  Because we've got a Fed in the lab.  Treasury."

"Oooh, yay me," he said sarcastically.  "He can hog Calleigh."

"Sure."  He walked off, going to check on Horatio, finding them talking and her fed buddy staring at Horatio looking a bit confused.  "Calleigh's on her way in.  I called her, H."

"Thank you, Eric.  I'm sure you remember Agent Elliot?"

"Sure.  Hey."  He nodded at him.  "Lunch together if people don't die on us around then?"

"Sounds good."  He smiled.  "Go hover somewhere else, Eric."  That got a nod and he went to fingerprints, where he could watch Speed without being seen.

"Are you okay?   You look a bit tired, Lieutenant."

"I'm fine.  We had a bout of the flu run through the lab a month ago and I caught it in the second round."  Calleigh walked in smiling.  "He said he's here to see you about a case."

"Yup, I called him," she said happily.  "Come see what we found for you."  He nodded at Horatio and followed her out.

Horatio relaxed and quit sucking in his stomach.  There was no way he wanted that man to know about his problem.  He saw Speed look up the stairs and his phone rang with a text message.  He smiled at the complaint about the chemicals smelling off and sent back an 'it'll fix itself soon, put on a mask, Speed'.   He saw him complain to himself as he found one and put it on.  But apparently it helped since he got back to work.  He saw Eric lean in and nearly get brained for checking on test results and smiled, texting a 'calm down, do the work, fuss at him at lunch'.  Then he got back to work.  At least until he had to pee then he hiked down to the bathroom and used it, frowning when his stomach started to cramp.  He leaned one hand on the wall, the other holding onto his stomach.  "Calm down," he told himself.  "It's all right."  Someone came in and he made himself straighten up.

"Boss, are you all right?" Cooper asked.

"Stomach cramp," he admitted, doing up his pants then washing his hands.  He got another one and had to lean on the sink, breathing slowly and deliberately until it passed.

"So we need an ambulance?  Or maybe Alexx?  She might be the better choice," he mumbled as he dialed.  "Doctor Woods, it's Cooper.  I'm in the men's room with the boss and his stomach's cramping."

"I'm fine," Horatio noted.

"No you're not.  He's not, Alexx.  He's pale, shaky, and trembling."  He hung up and came over to help him sit against the wall.  "It'll be all right, she'll know what you need to do, boss."  Alexx stormed in and he got out of the way.  "I made him sit down."

"Good boy.  Now shoo."  He blushed and left them alone, guarding the door until he could get in there to use it.  "Stomach pains?"

"Not too bad," he admitted, looking at her.  "He panicked, Alexx."

"For a good reason. You're never sick, Horatio."  She got down to feel his stomach.  "It's probably an early expansion pain but we'll check tonight after everyone's gone, just in case."  He nodded and let her help him up.  "Go back to your desk."

"We've got a fed in the lab."

"Hmm.  Stress?"  He shrugged.  "More than usual?"

"A bit of worry about some things."  She nodded and helped him back to his office couch, putting him down onto it.  "I can't work like this, Alexx."

"You can rest for an hour then get back to work," she instructed.  She walked out, shutting his door behind her.  Then she went to check on Speed. "Are you okay?"

"I look like a dorky surgeon."

"Well, yes," she admitted with a small smile.  "What's going on?  Any pains?"

"A few minor aches.  Probably expansion pains from what I saw online."

"The mask?"

"The chemicals smell really strong today."

"You can have sensitivity spikes," she agreed, coming in to check on him.  "Take a break in an hour to check on Horatio, sugar."  She stroked his cheek.  "Be careful and call if you need anything."  He nodded so she left him alone, going back to work.  She made notes in the private files she was keeping.  That way she didn't have to worry about forgetting something since she had six living patients at the moment.

***

Eric looked at Horatio as he dragged in.  "Stomach pains?"  Horatio gave him a look.  "I guessed.  It's about the right time for those."  He pushed out a chair and Horatio sat with a small moan of complaint, then looked around before undoing the button of his pants.  "It's all right, H.   They'll come and go for the next few months and then they'll turn into false labor pains."  Horatio glared at him.  "It was your choice."

"You're being a bastard, Eric."

"Sorry."   He looked at him.  "My mother sent in some curry she was trying out."  Horatio shook his head.  "You sure?  I'll share."

"No thanks.  I don't want anything too solid right now."

"Sure.  I get that.  There's some soup in the cabinet.  Want me to put it in the microwave?"  Horatio got up to do that.  "H, rest," he ordered.  "They can come back when you're stressed or stretching and stuff."  He sat him back down then got him the soup, putting it in front of him. "There.  You wanted us to fuss so let us."  He stared at him.

Horatio stared back.  "At first we thought you'd be the better candidate.  You'd only have to hide from your mother for a few months."

Eric gave him a look.  "My mother would crucify me.  She'd rant and scream about me being unnatural while she beat me and then she'd crucify me.  She's a strong believer in the devil taking over people sometimes."  He gave him a look.  "Besides, I'd glow and be pretty," he said with a smirk.  Horatio gave him an evil look.  "You will soon.  Give it a few more weeks."  Frank walked Speed in, he had been on a scene.  "My mom made curry if you want some."

"Spicy?" Speed asked, hesitating.  Eric nodded.  "Pass.  Any more soup?"  Eric handed over the second mug and he smiled.  "Thanks."  He sat down and put his feet up.  "We both thought it should be you doing this."

Eric looked at him.  "My mother believes in possession, Speed.  I'd have to hide the whole time and she'd never accept the grandchild."  Calleigh peeked in.  "What's up?  He gone?"

"No, he's looking at some bills we found.  Are we having a meeting?"  Horatio shook his head while he finished his soup.  "Are you sure?  You four keep meeting in here for lunch.  I'm starting to feel paranoid."

"We were talking about bugging the Chief for another tech," Eric offered.

"I could appreciate having standard days off again," she agreed.  "Please, and if you need help begging, let me know."  She went back to the lab.

"He'd never go for it," Horatio said, leaning back some.  "I feel bloated."

"Water retention happens to the best of us," Frank agreed. "Even me now and then."  He patted him on the shoulder. "It'll get better in a few months."

"H, being honest, are we going to be wadding onto scenes in four months?" Speed asked.  "We won't be able to get up off the ground.  We won't be able to run.  Our vests definitely won't fit.  We should get them out of their trainee phase as soon as we can so we don't overwork Calleigh and Eric."

"I made the suggestion already.  His answer was 'if the pregnant one Alexx is hiding is in the lab I can see it.  Otherwise you can make due'."  He got up to head to the machines, finding something he wanted.  "Salt is bad," he sighed.

"You'll be peeing it out soon enough," Frank assured him. "If you want crackers, have crackers, Horatio."  He handed him a few coins. "There.  I'll even treat.  You can get me back the next time we go out to dinner."  Horatio smiled and got some crackers.  He sat down again, wincing when his waistband pinched.  "Is there a solution to that problem?" he asked Eric.

"Elastic or wearing them so the waistband is below the stomach mound."  He looked at Horatio, who adjusted his pants. "That'll work until you need to go up a few sizes to cover it up."

"I already need new shirts," Horatio admitted.  He sat up again when he heard the door open, looking back.  "What's wrong, Cooper?"

"Just making sure the stomach cramps didn't come back, boss.  We can't have you sick.  Eric would go play video games or something."  He grinned and got his bottle of water.  "Plus I needed this."  He headed out again.

"I don't play video games at work," Eric complained, cracking Frank up.  "I don't!"

"No you taunt the other techs when I'm not here," Horatio said, smirking at him.  "Be a good boy, Eric.  Or else you'll get to tell the others."

"We're CSI, H.  We'll figure it out," he said dryly, patting him on the arm as he got up.  "I'm guessing by the end of next month."  He walked out, heading back to his lab.

"Can I hit him with the bike for being so smug?"

"Do you want to fix the axle and tire damage?" Horatio asked.

"No," he sighed.  "I'm saving up for the bike's carseat and other necessary stuff."  Frank smiled at that.  "It's expensive."

'There's a great tradition my wife coos about called the baby shower, Speed."  He patted him on the back and got up.  "I'm going back to my desk. You two need more fussed over?"  They shook their heads so he left.

Speed stole one of the crackers to nibble one.  "We should start making plans for when this happens.  Yelina's going to come after you with something hard and blunt."

"It's not like I decided to do this to myself," he reminded him.  He stood up and did back up his pants button, heading back to his office to think.  Because he did not sulk.  Brood maybe but not sulk.

***

Cooper continued to watch Horatio when he could.  There was something seriously wrong with the guy and if he got too sick the lab and the family that had grown in the lab would be destroyed.  That's why he was watching him walk past a few days later and he frowned at the small lump he had.   Horatio would never let himself get out of shape.  He also shouldn't have gained any weight.  If anything he should have lost some when he had been so sick last month.  He watched him stop to talk to Calleigh and turn slightly and his breath caught.  He knew that sort of lump!  When Horatio went back upstairs he snuck up after him, closing the door behind him.  "How did you get pregnant?" he asked, looking awed.

Horatio gave him a horrified look.  "How did you find out?"

"I have an eight-year-old sister.  As my mother put it, she thought the war had been long over when she got pregnant."  He came over.  "How?"

"We're not sure.  Something to do with that disaster drill four months ago," he said quietly, staring at him.  "If you tell anyone I will fire you with prejudice, Cooper."

"Not an issue, big man!  I promise not to say anything to anybody, but you've got to take better care of yourself. Your eating's still spotty.  You should be doing walking, not running or jogging, and you need insoles in your shoes to help cure the backache."  Horatio gave him a bitter look.  "My mom's a nurse, Horatio."  His boss sighed and slumped back into his chair.  "I've noticed Eric and Frank both fussing over you and Speed since you had that flu stuff.  Can I be a less fussy one?"

"If you must."

"Can I tell Calleigh so she's not upset?"

Horatio looked at him.  "We're letting her figure it out on her own."

"She'll hit you, bossman.  Then she'll stomp off crying.  I'm so stoked!  First babies in the lab!"  He beamed at him. "How far along and when's the shower?"

"Four months, late in the fourth month."

"So you're about to hit the hormonal fits and the horny height.  It's all good.  I'll turn off any security cameras you need me to, just let me know what I need to erase, boss.  Are you sure I can't tell Calleigh?"

"I'd rather you not."

"Boss, you can get away from Yelina but Calleigh can hunt.   She likes sniper weapons and she can hunt.  There's no safety if you don't tell her."

"Speed and I will.  You are not to talk to anyone, Cooper."

"Okay, I won't.  Who's your OB?  In case the others are on a scene and you're here," he said at the heated glare, staring him down.  "Things happen in a few minute's time, Horatio.  If they're gone and you're in trouble, someone's got to call them and I doubt you want this spread across the morning news because you had a Braxton-Hicks moment."

"Alexx," he said quietly.  "Not one word."

"My lips are sealed," he promised.  "Do we know boy or girl yet?"  He shook his head. "Let me know so I can get something great for the baby showers."  He left, closing the door behind him.

Horatio covered his face with his hand.  He and Speed a rapid text conversation about this going to hell quickly, then he called Calleigh up to his office.  "Close it," he said without having to look.

"Are we going to have a talk about why you and Speed are having hormone swings like a pregnant woman?" she asked.  He nodded, his face still covered.  "Are you a pregnant woman?"

"I'm not female but otherwise, yes."  He uncovered his face, looking at her.  "Was that tact on your part?  Or did you just recently figure it out?"

"Eric's been fussing very well and I caught enough of his rant at God to know someone was in trouble that way.  Then you two started to gain weight right after a horrible bout of the flu.  The human body doesn't work that way unless it's knocked up."  She moved closer.  "When were you going to tell me?"

"We were letting you figure it out and come to us."

"Thinking that way I'd get my temper out of the way?"  He nodded.  "The ice cream fairy and I had a long talk about you with the tequila fairy and we decided we were sorry for you two.  That's gotta be a pain."

"Literally," he said with a hint of a smile.  "Are you okay with this knowledge?"

"No, but when you find the guy who did this, I'll get to help you torture him.  I'm sure Eric and Frank will let me.  Did Cooper figure it out?"

"His mother had a menopausal baby."

"Ah.  So while he was a teenager so he'd remember."  She nodded.  She looked at him.  "How far?"

"Late fourth."

"Who's the OB?"

"Alexx."

"I love the woman...."

"Someone did it to us during the disaster drill.  They vowed to cut all our federal funding, accreditation, and reputations if it got out."

"Hey, that gives me a lead so we can find out who did this to you and Speed.  Unless Eric got caught?"

"No, just us in the lab.  There's a few other officers but they're on silent desk duty and hidden somewhere."

"You poor man.  Well, if you need my help, you'll ask.  Eric and I will work on how to reduce your stress levels so you don't go too early, because I'm doubting you can carry to term.  Guys just don't have the hips for childbirth."  He shook his head at that.  "Also, buy new clothes, Horatio.  Just a few."  She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.  "I'd better be a Godmother."

"Thanks, Champ."

"Love you too, boss."  She winked and opened the door.  "Want me to talk to Yelina?"

"No, I should," he sighed.  "But I will be hiding afterward."

"I don't blame you."  She walked out, going to make sure Cooper knew she'd help the boys hurt him if he blabbed.  Because the boy had the biggest mouth in Miami some days.

Horatio paged Yelina to the spot they usually talked in, heading there slowly to give her time to get there.  He found her pacing.  "It's not about Ray but there is some family news," he said quietly, pulling her into one of the window alcoves.

"Are you dating Speed?  Or Eric?  I've noticed him fussing over you both."  She smiled.  "I wouldn't care if you were.  It'd make you happy again."

"No, that's not what's going on but I am almost happy.  More content at the moment for some reason."  She stared at him, looking confused.  He sighed and checked for cameras then looked at her again.  "You know the disaster drill we had?"

"Four months back, a cruise ship on fire on the docks," she agreed.  "I was on-call so Frank could go with a few of the other guys."  She frowned.  "Did something happen?  I heard rumors that a few of the officers there had surgery afterward."

He sighed and looked down at his lump then at her.  "Yes, something happened and yes we were all exposed to something, but it wasn't exactly harmful.  At least not in the 'going to kill someone' way."  He picked up her hand to squeeze, then put it onto his stomach, holding it there while he stared at her.  "Someone in the Federal levels of government decided to use that to experiment on the department," he said quietly.  Her hand flexed and he shifted, moving her hand some.  Her eyes went wide.  "The first we knew of it, we had the flu," he said quietly.  She opened her mouth and he used his free one to cover it.  "Do not, Yelina.  They will destroy the department if it gets out," he warned. "Plus us."  She clamped her mouth shut and he moved his hand.  "I don't know what happened.  I have no idea how this happened.  The first thing I knew I was throwing up and then Alexx found a heartbeat," he said very quietly.  He let go of her captive hand and she backed off, rubbing it against her thigh.  "I would like you to support me."

"You're terminating it?"  He shook his head.  She stared in horror.  "Horatio...."

"That is my choice in this matter.  I am hoping I don't have the mood swings you did because you were scarier than I've ever been," he offered with a shy smile.  She glared at him.  He shrugged. "You were."

"I was not!"

"You were," he assured her, nodding a bit.  "Even your OB was scared of you, Yelina.  He asked Ray and I to take your gun from you in your fifth month."  She rolled her eyes and leaned against the window, staring at him.  "When someone else figured it out earlier I realized I couldn't leave this talk any longer.  You'd be hurt and throw a very loud fit about it."  She glared again.  "You would."

"I am mentally," she assured him coolly.  "What did you want from me?"

"Some support?  I'm not the only one but you are family.  I would hope you wouldn't hurt me, or the baby, for this since I didn't consent."

"That is the only thing saving you from me beating you senseless," she complained, glaring at him when she turned to face him. "How could you keep this...thing!"

"Why did you have Ray Junior, Yelina?" he asked quietly.  Her face fell.  "This is my one chance for this unless God drops a woman into my lap."  She looked down at that.  "I will understand if you're repulsed.  If you don't want to see me again.  I would ask that you not actively try to hurt us.  I would also ask that you keep the secret because they will destroy this department and those who know if not."

"Then why tell me?"

"You're my family," he repeated.  She turned and walked off, arms crossed, glaring bad enough some patrol officers got out of her way in the halls.  He sighed and went back to his desk, going to think and have some pudding.  Frank had left some in his desk overnight so he was going to have it now.  It was a good time for it even if he wasn't sure he needed the pudding with as fat as he was getting.

Eric walked in and gave him a gentle shoulder squeeze.  "Like she did with Madison, she'll get over it and then it'll get better."

"Not this time," he told him, looking up at him.  "Pudding?"

Eric smiled.  "There's better than that but you've got to give me an hour."

"That's fine.  I'm heading home soon."

"I'll bring some by later."  He gave him another squeeze.  "Calleigh went to talk to the chief and do some sucking up.  She thinks we'll be able to get a new tech."  He smiled at that.  "Now, shouldn't you be going home?"

"I probably should."  He finished his pudding cup and tossed it out.  "Thank you, Eric."

"Welcome, H.  Go put your feet up.   You look tired."  He nodded and headed out to drive home.  Eric made sure from the window, then closed his office door and headed to check on Speed.  "I'm getting H a really good treat tonight, want some?"

"I'll be here," he said absently.  Eric came over and pushed his chair away from the table. "I need to get this one done.  We're on a deadline because the family's going to step in and kill who they think did it if we can't arrest them or prove differently."

Eric looked at him.  "Then let us help.  No more overnights or you'll end up passing out."  He looked at the evidence.  "What did DNA say?"

"Not a thing.  None present."

"Hmm."  He grimaced.  "Okay.  I tell you what.  I'm going to go pick that treat up, deliver it, then I'll come back and help but only if you eat dinner and I'll save you some of the treat."

Speed looked at him.  "I'm not two."

"I know that.  If you were, you'd be cuter."  He grinned. "Like I am.  Younger is always cuter."

"Your throne is going to be taken from you soon, huh?"

"Yeah, but I'll give it up for the toddler crowd.  Eat.  Then I'll come help."  He left, going to pick up that treat for Horatio.  He had talked his mother into making him something special.  He walked in and kissed her on the cheek.  "Hi, Momma."

"Who is she?" she asked, beaming at him.

"I'm not seeing anyone."

"Nonsense!"  She stared at him.  "Is she a bad girl?"

"Momma, really."  He switched to Spanish to reassure her.  He wasn't seeing anyone.  The treat was for a coworker who was having a rough spot with his family.  He needed the cheering up.  She pursed her lips but handed over the two boxes of treat.  He kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, Momma.  He'll love it."  He grinned and walked out, heading to his car.  His mother followed and handed him another bag.  "What's this?"

"Dinner for whoever is pregnant around you.  You always did pick up their glow and fuss better."  He stared at her. "I figure it's the same coworker since the only people who eat that much of that honey treat are pregnant."  She walked inside, leaving one happy son.

***

Eric tapped on Horatio's door, handing him a box.  "Open."

"Eric," he moaned.

"Open, it's tradition."  Horatio sighed but opened his mouth so he popped a bite into his mouth.  Horatio started to chew.  "Suck first. It's got a sweet coating and then more substance than you think.  Otherwise it's gooey."  Horatio sucked on it all the way into the kitchen, then he moaned and gulped some milk, chewing the rest.  "It's a bit sweet," he offered.

"I needed the milk anyway.  What are those?"

"I have no idea.  My father's mother taught my mother when she first got pregnant."  He handed over one of the boxes.  "Since Speed's staying late tonight did you want the dinner Momma made or him?"

"She made us dinner too?"

"No, she claims I mirror any pregnant person around me and I glow when they start to.  She figured that the only people who like that treat are pregnant and I'm starting to glow since you two are, so she made the pregnant person at work dinner."  He grinned.  "She did think I was dating though."

Horatio looked in the box.  "Thank her for me?"

"I will."  He patted him on the back.  "If you eat more than five you'll feel really sick.  Have another then dinner.  Do you want it?"

"Make Speed eat.  He'll be there all night if you don't."

"Sure."  He looked at him.  "Go put on sweats, H.  You're home.  No one else can see you if you wanted to run around in your boxers or sweats.  Get comfortable, go take a warm bath, bring up something to drink and a book.  It'll help.  Two of my sisters lived in the bathroom for their last half."  He got a shrug.  "Try it.  Even you deserve some spoiling."  He walked out, taking the other box back to the station with the dinner.  He found Speed still at work.  "Did you eat?"

"I've got soup warming," he said, engrossed again.  "I thought I figured something out but I think I'm wrong."

"Open," Eric ordered.  Speed frowned and looked at him. "Open your mouth."

"No food in the lab."

"It's candy so as long as you don't spit you'll be fine."  Speed sighed then opened his mouth.  He popped in a piece and Speed frowned.  "Suck the coating then chew, plus my mother made you dinner.  She claims I mirror any pregnant person I'm around and you're both starting to glow.  That is an old Russian recipe for pregnant daughters-in-laws.  My paternal grandmother taught it to her.  She thinks the only ones who eat it are pregnant."

"It's honey coated."

"With some nuts, yeah.  I used to dig into this stuff when my sisters were pregnant.  When you get to the substance, you can chew.  Otherwise it's gooey.  Also, five or less a day or else you feel sick."  He handed over the box with a smile.

Speed chewed, then looked at him.  "I'm not craving pudding."  That got a smug look.  "Dinner?"

"On the counter in there.  Go eat before someone steals it."  Speed nodded, going that way.  Eric washed his hands and put on gloves, getting to work to help him.  Families were a hazard of the job sometimes.  Especially when they wanted the wrong person.  Speed came back a half-hour later belching.  He handed over a roll or rolaids from his pocket.  "Did he die of smothering?"

"Yeah, but we can't figure out with what."

"The feathers?"

"Aren't from any type of pillow that we can find."

"Maybe an older feather pillow or a feather mattress?" he suggested.  Speed ate an antacid and came over to look again.  "I remember having one when I was really little, carried it everywhere with me.  It had tiny little feathers that I plucked when they poked through.  Momma had to restuff it multiple times before I finally broke one day in the car."  That got a smile.  "It had tiny feathers."

Speed looked at him.  "That's not a bad idea but how would you prove the source?"

"Get the thing that smothered him and compare to a sample.  They should probably be the same relative size."

"Okay."  He got back to work.  "You don't have to hover."

"I'm not, I'm catching up."  He picked up something but Speed shook his head. "Dead end?"

"Maybe with more evidence but right now it's a dangling lead."  That got a nod and Eric moved to the other side of the table to look at the evidence he still had bagged.  "Left pile," he ordered.  Eric got to work on them with him.  He ate another honey treat and he did feel better.  "How's H?"

"I told him to go take a warm bath and read in it.  Two of my sisters swore by it, especially when they're stressed."

"Let's hope the stress cures itself," Speed said around his candy.  Eric grinned. "It's my third, no nagging."

"Not a problem. That's why I had my mother make you some."  He got back to work on the sample in front of him.  "You're sure this didn't have saliva?"

"Valera said no," he admitted, looking at it.  He frowned.  "Was that from my case?"

"It was in the pile."  He looked at the envelope.  "It says it was.  It came from the morgue."  He took it to DNA.  "Hey, Valera, you heading out right now?"

"I can run one more but I'm backed up by four.  Why?"

He smiled and dug in to help her where he could.  "Family justice case of Speed's."

"I've heard about those."  She took the sample and began running it on the other system, then came back to do the ones she had backlogged.  "What's going on?" she asked quietly.

"I can't tell you," he admitted, looking at her.  "I really can't."

"I heard Calleigh telling Cooper they were going to shut the lab, Eric."

He shook his head. "Only if Cooper opens his mouth.  If certain information gets out there's some very vindictive feds who did some stuff wrong who'll come after all of us."  She nodded, accepting that.  "Those who know about it or figured it out are keeping it a secret."

"Good.  Then I don't have to worry."  She frowned at the results when they came out on his case.  "Saliva is beautiful."  She handed it over with a smile.  "Yours I believe."

"Speed's but thanks."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "Have a good night."

"You too."

He went back to the other lab with the sample, reclosing it and marking it.  "Saliva is beautiful according to Valera."

Speed snatched the results, then smiled at him.  "I needed that."

"You did.  Are we going tonight?"

"Tomorrow morning.  I need to finish correlating some things."  That got a nod and Eric moved to help.  "Does your mom have any other remedies?"

"A few," he admitted.  "Still nothing for hemorrhoids.  She's good at fixing cravings for some strange combinations though."  That got a nod and Speed got back to work.  "How was the beef?"

"Perfectly tender. She did a great job."

"I'll tell her you appreciated it," he offered with a smile.  "When you need more candy, let me know.  I told her it was for someone in the lab who was having family problems."

"He certainly is," he sighed, looking out there.  He saw Yelina watching them and nodded her inside.  She stomped off again.  "Crap.  That's going to get a lot worse soon."

"Her boy's smart and he'll go to H himself when he figures out something's wrong," Eric said patiently, looking at him.  "The boy nearly delights in getting around his mother."  That got a nod and they both dug back in while Speed had another piece.  He stopped after that one because his stomach was feeling a bit upset with all the sugar.  He would not give Eric the satisfaction of telling him he was right though, that would get him teased and picked on for the next week.

***

Horatio looked up a few days later as his office door was slammed shut.  "What's wrong, Speed?"

"Stupid..."  He took a breath then let it out.  "Family did it anyway.  Got the wrong person.  Now they've declared a vendetta against me because I arrested the family member who killed the wrong person and arrested the cousin who had done the murder."

"Sit," Horatio ordered.  Speed shook his head and paced. "You'll hurt yourself."

"I'm frustrated."

"Of course you are."  He put down his pen.  "These are some of the worst cases but the best thing for them is hearing that the cousin did it.  Will he take a plea?"

"He did in open court and the parents shouted at the judge that he was being forced to by the police."  He looked at him. "They threatened me."

"Then you're coming home with me tonight," he said quietly.  Speed relaxed at that.  "If we have to, Eric can even come sleep on the couch."

"Thanks, H."  He slumped and looked at him again, coming over to sit.  "Why couldn't they give me an hour more?"

"Because the fires of family are one of the strongest bonds, Speed.  Think about what you'd do if someone hurt her?"

"I'd kill and then laugh," he agreed, looking at his stomach, then at Horatio.  "When does the new guy start?"

"Two days," he admitted, smiling at him.  "Calleigh picked him out.  Said he's in your field so you might have to get used to sharing."

Speed snorted. "We'll see."

"Of course."  That got a knowing smirk.  "If you drive him off you'll be doing crime scenes the day you go into labor," Horatio said quietly.

"Please don't wish that on me," he begged.

"I'm not.  Just reminding you."

"I'll try to be nice to the new kid."

Horatio smiled.  "No making him do horrible things like you did to Eric."

"But it was fun."

"For everyone but Eric," he agreed with a small smile.  Speed grinned back.  "Is it lunch time yet?"

Speed looked at the clock, then at him.  "It's not even ten but it's snack time.  I could use something to chew on."  That got a nod and they both headed down to get new bottles of juice and something to nibble on.  They ran into Yelina down there.  "Hey."  He stared at the machine and frowned. "The selection sucks again, Horatio."

"I'll get onto them again, Speed.  Anything salty?  Without crackers attached?"

"Yeah."  He got him something then Horatio bought Speed what he wanted. "Thanks."  He headed outside to take a short break in the sun.

Horatio looked at Yelina.  "Hi," he said quietly.

"I'm not talking to you until this is over with."

"Then I take it you won't be a godmother?" he asked dryly, heading back to his office to nibble.  Speed had picked out something very salty.  The jerky was nice. Not quite what he wanted but it was nice.  Needed some garlic.   He found a dipping sauce from an ordered lunch in his desk and dipped it in there.  Much better.  He smiled and got back to the never-ending paperwork that he ended up with weekly.   He heard Yelina shriek and got up to look, nibbling on his jerky.  "Calleigh, leave her alone."

"Just giving her a quiet place to vent," she said, holding the door of the soundproofed lab shut on Yelina.  She smiled at him.  "Jerky?"

"With dipping sauce.  It's a bit too dry."  She smiled at that.  "Speed said the machines need upgraded again.  Get suggestions for me?"

"Sure will, Horatio."  She smiled when Yelina stopped, looking back at her.  "Let us have some girl talk.  Need help?"

"Not unless you want to fill out manpower studies?"

"No thanks.  Did that one week.  I can wait until that's my office to do it next time."  He smiled and went back to it.  She walked into the lab and locked the door.  "What is your problem?" she demanded.

"That... thing up there!"

"The person drugged him and implanted it, Yelina.  If he was a girl you'd be giving him sympathy up to his ears!"  Yelina flinched at that.  "Not like he wanted it to happen.  Not like he expected it to happen.  But now that it has he's accepted it and made his choice.  You, as his family, can either support it or leave him the heck alone!  He doesn't need this stress!  He needs support, he was raped.  Get over yourself!"   Yelina gave her a hurt look.  "Tough!  He may coddle you but I'm not.  Not this time.  I've got enough to worry about without worrying about you retaliating and hurting Horatio!  So get over it!"  She walked out, going to check on Eric's progress.  "How are you doing?"

"A bit bummed.  Speed's case did it anyway."

"It happens that way sometimes," she soothed. "New guy starts in two days."

"How did you get us a new tech?"

"I threatened to break my leg and then hit you with a hummer."  She smiled sweetly. "That way we could both have two days off in a row since it's been months since we had that happen.  He checked then gave me a pitiful look so I laid into him about how stressing me out means I shoot people in the office.  Because remember, I have my exemplar cabinet.  He agreed we could use a newbie to train after that."  Eric grinned.  "Southern logic really."  She patted him again and went to her own lab to get back to work.  She saw Horatio on his hunt for more snack food and sighed, shaking her head.  "He'll be better in a week or so."  She got back to work, concentrating on that, not on what Horatio was putting on his jerky this time.  She was sure she didn't really want to know anyway.

***

Speed sat down beside Horatio, looking at the very quietly playing tv.  "Can you hear that?"  Horatio shook his head, turning it up.  "Blotting out the bad news?"

"It's easier sometimes."  He looked at him then at his stomach. "You're smaller than I am."

"You were thinner than I was before," he reminded him.  "I'd been getting fat off Alexx's cooking."

He shrugged at that and burped. "Sorry."

"Not a problem.  Had some of that earlier."  He handed over the antacids.  Eric's silent hint had gotten through to him.  He liked rolaids now.  They were high up on his list of great inventions. Horatio chewed one then took another because he liked the flavor.  He looked at him.  "You're gaining an oral fixation?"

"I think so."  He frowned. "I nibbled all day."

"I saw."  He patted him on the knee.  "It'll be okay.  We'll get through this.  I'll put a baby seat on the back of the Ducatti and you'll find one for the hummer."  Horatio smiled. "Then we'll make Eric babysit a lot."  Horatio laughed at that.  "We can.  That way he knows what to expect when his mother wins the argument and makes him settle down."

"If, not when," Horatio noted.  He noticed Speed scratching his chest.  "Nipple itch?"

"Yeah.  I've been having freaky thoughts about me breast-feeding too.  Some really strange dreams."

"Sometimes that happens," Horatio agreed, scratching his own chest.  "I've noticed them getting more sensitive."

"Yeah, like shirts suddenly hurt!  Even my really soft t-shirt hurts them right now.  Thankfully I took out the ring."

Horatio looked at him.   "You pierced one?"

"A few years back."

"I did not know that."

"You have any?" Speed asked.  Horatio shook his head.  "They're fun.  Hurt a bit at first but the benefits outweigh the initial pain."

"I'll keep that in mind," he agreed with a small smile.  "Has Alexx said anything about birth yet?"

"Not yet.  I'm scared to ask."

"Me too."  He sighed and settled in to watch the news.  "We need something less depressing."

"Yup."  Speed got up to put in a movie.  "You bought _Junior_?"

"It's the only one I found."

"Maybe the stuff online would be a better read, Horatio."

"I went over that archive.  It was cute."  He shrugged and settled in to watch the action movie Speed put in. It was comfortable to sit there with him and gently stroke his stomach.  Speed reached over to pat his stomach too, earning a smile.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  Horatio returned the gesture.  "We're definitely going to go insane in the next few months."

"Indeed we are," he sighed, going back to his stroking. After a few minutes Speed shifted and moaned quietly.  "Sorry."

"No, the books said that'd happen too."  He looked at him.  "We're supposed to want to hide in closets for a while."

"I haven't been that desperate in years."  Speed stroked his stomach again and it did feel nice.  A lot more than nice.  Eventually he had to stop the hand before he pounced.  Speed gave him a look.  "Too much."  His own stomach got a pointed look then at Horatio again.  He stopped his hand from stroking his friend's stomach.  "Sorry."

"Not a problem.  Not like I minded."  He shifted how he was sitting and the hand slid some.  "Horatio?"  He withdrew his hand.  "We could solve that issue."

"I'm not dating."

"Neither am I and I'm not sure I want to touch a girl."  Horatio gave him a sheepish look.  "Uh-huh."   He leaned over to kiss him.  "It's about the same only it doesn't naturally lube itself and needs stretched."  Horatio kissed him this time.  Somehow he ended up straddling Horatio's lap, gently thrusting his cock down at Horatio's so they could get happier.  He finally got around to undoing their pants so they wouldn't get quite so messy but it was just as good.  He spread his legs out some more so he could get lower and that was even better.  So were the noises coming from Horatio's mouth.  "Let it go," he ordered.  "Let me help.  We'll help each other."  Horatio moaned and came, letting Speed come right after that.  He panted, resting his head on the firm shoulder.  "My nipples don't itch."

"Mine either."   He took another kiss. "Thank you."

"You're the only one who'd understand," Speed admitted, looking at him. Then he grinned.  "Dinner?"

"Sounds good."  He got them up and into the bathroom so they could clean up.  Horatio ended up changing his clothes into sweats and a t-shirt.  Gravity meant he got more on him than Speed had.  They went to raid the kitchen, and he decided it was an okay thing.  He kissed him again and it was better this time.  Speed did understand.  Then again, he really didn't want to be with a woman either.  She'd complain or make fun of him.  Warm hands slid around his hips and he relaxed from his thoughts.  "This isn't new to you, right?"

"Nope.  Been here before without the lump of doom."  Horatio smiled at that description.  "It is."

"It can be," he agreed.  He turned to kiss him again.  "Let's eat and finish the movie.  Then we'll figure out about later."

"Sure."  He grinned and they got back to work on dinner, then went to eat it on the couch with the movie they had to rewind.   "So, that archive was freaky."

"It was," Horatio agreed.   "I'm still wondering about labor.  Most of them had an anal flap of some sort or a c-section."

"I'm hoping for c-section and drugs."  Speed ate a bite then looked at him.  "I don't want to think about that yet."

"Agreed."  He dug in too, smiling at the totally improbable action sequence.  "Humans can't quite bend that way."

"Yeah, but that's what makes it fun."

"True."  He finished his dinner and stroked his stomach.  "Satisfied for now?" he asked the lump.

"Probably only for a few minutes," Speed said dryly.  He finished up and burped, eating one of his own antacids.  "I'm taking stock in rolaids. I swear I am."  Horatio grinned at him.  "I always seem to need them."

"I've begun appreciating the taste of them," he admitted.  He shifted slightly closer so he could put his feet up.  Speed got comfortable, resting against his shoulder.  "Comfortable?"

"I'm wearing pants.  I'm finding that's an automatic no anymore."

"Then strip down to boxers, Speed."

"Not wearing any, H."

"Really?"

"Haven't in days."

Horatio smiled.  "I should chastise you for coming to work so undressed."

"Not like anyone can tell."

"We'll have to see, won't we."  He got more comfortable, letting Speed continue to rest against him.  He was too comfortable to move.  He fell asleep right there, Speed giving him a gentle smile before doing the same.

***

Two days later Horatio walked in scowling.  It was not a good day.  No one was going to make it a good day.  He was going to castrate someone with his teeth if they got in his way.  He saw Yelina first and scowled.  "What?"

"I like that suit on you," she said quietly.

"Thank you."  He stabbed the button for the elevator.  He got on, arms already crossed over his chest.  He walked off the elevator and Calleigh's eyes widened.  "What?"

"Nothing, Horatio.  You look very nice in that suit."  She fussed with his collar.  "It was twisted up."  She smoothed down his lapels.  "There's a Fed in your office."

"Why?" he growled.

"I'm not sure, he wouldn't tell me, and he barged into your office without permission.  Eric saw too and took off running."  She smiled sweetly.  'Want some tea?"

"No."  He walked up to his office, glaring at the agent. "You're breaking and entering why?" he demanded, coming in and sitting down.

"Because we need to talk, Lieutenant Caine."

"About?"

"About the person who's hiding."

Horatio gave him a look then stood back up again.  "That would be his choice, wouldn't it?  Since someone so very thoughtfully raped the people who were affected, he had to make that choice."  The man went pale.  "For that matter, since you're here and you know what went on, we'll make sure you have a nice cell all to yourself."

"You can't!"

"I can," he promised in a deadly calm, quiet voice.  "Eric!"  He came jogging in.  "This interesting person has information on what happened to those who were...afflicted."

"He knows!"

"Someone had to find the others before they died," Horatio sneered.  The man went very pale at that.  "Exactly.  Now then.  Eric, he was not only breaking and entering but we do know of at least twelve cases where someone was ...afflicted against their will.  Those who were believe it's equivalent to rape.  Do charge him that way."

"If you do, we'll destroy this lab," he sneered.

Horatio laughed.  "Not once I get through with you and your cronies you won't."  The man's eyes went wide.  "Now," he said, walking around to face him.  "I want full information on what went on.  How it was done.  How many got hit.  The full research notes, and I want the researcher here.  Tonight."

"He's dead."

"Pity," Horatio said coldly, staring him down.  "Not that I believe it."

"He...he killed himself."

"Again, pity," Horatio said, getting into his face.  "Do you know what I can and will do to you?" he hissed.  "How very happy it will make me?  Because the person you raped is a friend of mine.  I will make *sure* you are just as hurt as he'll be," he said then he smiled brightly.  "Unless you want to cooperate?  Then I'll give you a head start.  Ten whole minutes."

"Won't much matter with his ride," Eric pointed out.

"True, but do I care, Eric?" Horatio asked.

"No," he said, staying calm.  This was a mood swing.  He could only be glad it wasn't focused on him.  "Should I get Frank to help me arrest him?"

"No, I believe you can do it.  Also, add a count of assisted murder since one of the officers who took the *cure* killed himself," he said, his tone somewhere between bitter and a sneer.

"Sure thing, H."  He pulled out his cuffs.  "You don't know how happy this is going to make some people."

"I can hand it over!" he said quickly.

"Not good enough," Horatio assured him. "But we do still want it."

"You won't if this gets known about."

"I can pull favors," Horatio assured him. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number.  "Come to my office please."  Then he hung up.  A few minutes later the Chief came in.  "Sir, this ....interesting person just came up with information about what happened to some of our officers."

"I take it Delko's on the list of those who know?"

"Most of the lab has figured it out for that person.  Most of us swore and drank as well," Eric assured him.  He finished cuffing the agent.  "He broke into H's office.  He made terroristic threats in my hearing against the department, and he said he has the information on what happened.  H said I'm charging him with twelve counts of rape, one count of assisted homicide, and that, Chief.  Did you want to add anything else?"

"We need a researcher to finish his work."

"Give me the stuff, I'll make sure the others are protected and free from this," Eric assured him.  The agent glared.  "What?  Like I want hit next?  Did you try me?" he demanded.

"It didn't take."

Horatio stopped Eric from hitting him.  "No, Eric, there's others who get that right first."  Eric nodded at that.  "Give us the research and we'll forget the federal charges of threatening the department."  The agent sneered at him.  He sneered back.  "I do that look so much better."  The Chief snickered.  He moved closer again, smirking evilly now.  "Then again, we can always take the notes from you and then use them on you before you go to jail.  I'm sure the other men in prison will enjoy having a pregnant person among them.  They'll love that baby more than anyone else would."  He whimpered.  "The research file?"

"My car," he whimpered, staring into his eyes.  "Yours took?"

Horatio hit him.  "Shut up.  Eric?"

"I'll send Frank down to get it," he promised, calling him.  "Frank, find the Fed's car, get his research file out of it.  Bring it to H now please.  Because a fed just came in saying the original researcher had committed suicide.  He wanted someone to finish his work.  Thank you."  He hung up and looked at the Chief.  "Can you get a judge to try him quietly?"

"I can," he agreed.  "We can do what the feds are and have a totally secret trial even.  Let's get him formally arrested, Delko."  Eric walked him off reading him his rights.  He looked at Horatio.  "You only needed one person, Caine?"

"No.  Comment."

"I see."  He looked him over.  "I could be nice."

"I can also hit you," Horatio reminded him.  That just got a smirk and he balled up his fist.  "I would run, boss."

"I probably should."  The door behind him slammed and he jumped, finding Calleigh there.  "CSI Duquesne.  How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling a bit of womanly outrage," she said simply.  "This does tick me off in ways that make even God cry for what I'm about to do to someone."  He went pale.  "Now.  Where's our rookie?"

"He'll be coming in tomorrow.  Unfortunately he had to call off today due to a personal problem."

"Is he affected?" Horatio asked blandly.

"No.  He's got OCD but no.  Today he had to drag his uncle to the doctor's so he'd go.  I didn't see his request for the day off when I handed him over."  He looked at them then at Horatio.  "Are you all right?"

"No comment," he repeated.

"Of course, I understand.  You're a very private man and if you were I'm sure you've kept up everything with Alexx.  Of course, we'll support you all we have to, Horatio.  Just stay calm, all right."  Horatio scowled and he ran for his life.  He knew what a temper that man had.  Him having mood swings on top of his temper....  Well, that usually needed SWAT to cure.

Horatio looked at her.  "Having womanly outrage?"

"Yes!  What right did that idiot fed have to do this to you!"

He smiled.  "Thank you, buddy."  He gave her a hug.  "Can you go get me a snack?"

"I left you some snack cakes in your desk, Horatio."  He smiled and went to dig into them, finding one with peanut butter.  "I'm going to go call our guy, see if he can come in for even an hour today so he can take the tour."  She went to do that, giving Speed a wary look.  She leaned in.  "Eric walked a fed out in cuffs just a minute ago."

"I heard.  Frank called."  He looked at her.  "Him?"

"Eric said something about the researcher committing suicide.  They wanted someone to finish his work."

"Uh-huh," he said blandly.  "Fat fucking chance."  She smiled.  "Did H hurt him?"

"He had a bruise on his cheek when he walked out but the Chief went for a run."  Frank walked in with a box.  "Is that the research notes?"

"There's six more down in the car, guys.  I have no idea what's related."  Speed and Calleigh nodded, going to get people to heft the other stuff while he brought that up to Horatio.  "There's six more boxes.  Not sure if it's related or not.  If not, you can probably use it anyway."  Horatio smiled at that.  "Are you okay?"

"I feel fine, Frank."

Frank gave him a manly shoulder squeeze.  "Please don't cry on me."  He left in a hurry.

"I don't cry like a girl," he told himself.  "It's unmanly."  He finished his peanut butter sticks and got up to look at the evidence.  It was indeed what he needed. The rest were brought in by patrol officers and Calleigh.  "Speed?"

"I left him having a talk with Yelina since she started the dialogue and I didn't want to interrupt," she said with a sweet smile.  The officers got the same smile and they disappeared.  "Are you okay now?"

"Much better. Thank you for the sweets."

"You're welcome, Horatio."  She fussed with his hair.  "A bit out of place."  She smiled then left.  She came back a minute later.  "When are we doing the paternity tests?"  He gave her a look.  "That way we know."

He shrugged.  "Ask Alexx."  She smiled and went to do that so she could hide in the morgue for a bit.  Speed hadn't looked happy coming off the elevator.  He went back to looking over the notes, letting Speed help him when he finally came in with a new soda.  "Sore?"

"Sore throat.  I reamed Yelina a new one.  Hope you don't mind."

"I probably should protest but I don't at the moment. Then again I think I just had a mood swing."  He frowned then cleared it up and smiled.  "I even hit him."

"Cool.  Maybe I can do the same."

"I promised to do this to him before we sent him to prison.  That the cons would love the baby."

Speed looked at him.  "Usually I'm the scary one, Horatio.  Remember your place in the bastard hierarchy."  He got to work with him.  "We have a formula and notes about paternity."  He read it over. "They used their partner's."  Horatio growled at that.  He looked at him.  "So either we've got the fussy one's or each others?"

"Calleigh asked when we were testing that."

"When Alexx feels like pulling out the big, huge needles."

"True."  He smiled. "Then we can find out sex as well."

"Good point."  He got back to work, laying it out in a more reasonable progression.  Someone had shoved things into boxes without organizing.

Eric walked in and put bags in front of them then walked out.

"Subtle, I like that," Speed said, looking in his.  "Ham."

Horatio looked at his.  "Turkey."  They switched.  "Hot peppers."  Speed stole half and he used the rest.  "We'll have to thank him later."  They ate while they looked over the notes.  When Alexx finally came up they could hand her the file and let her get a copy for her personal records.  They were even nice enough to send one to the chief as well.  That way he could tell the others.

***

Alexx walked into DNA with a few tubes.  "This is the same sort of silence you had when Speed asked you to run DNA through the PD databanks a few months back," she said quietly.

"Natalia, can you leave?" she requested.  "This is about a rape case and it's an IAB thing."  She nodded and left, going to take an early lunch.  "Still the PD database?"

"Yes, and this time it's paternity, sugar."  She handed over the tray.  "Do not say a word."

"Of course not!  Can I know what's going on?"

She looked at her.  "You're going to get two names, sweetie.  It should be pretty obvious at that point."  That got a nod and she got to work preparing samples.  "Let me know when you have them.  Even the ones you know personally let me handle it."

"Of course."  She smiled.  "Thank you for trusting me."

"I do trust *you*."  She walked out, leaving it in good hands.  She Speed running the usual health checks just in case.  That would tell her all she needed to know.  She went back to the morgue to wait and go back to reading up on c-sections.  She didn't think they were coming out any other way.  Fortunately the Chief had told her to order anything she needed and send him the requisition personally.

***

Valera walked into the morgue, looking around.  "Are we clear?"

"All but Mrs. Henry here.  Are we done?"

Valera gave her a look.  "That's the secret?"  She nodded, pursing her lips.  "Are they okay?"

"So far they're fine medically.  Mental breaks down now and then but I'd expect that."

She shuddered.  "I'm so sorry.  I also ran sex tests since I figured they might want to know.  That's what took me so long."  She gave her a pitiful look.  "Are the people who did this dead at least?  Or can we women go beat the crap out of them?"

"Eric said he arrested the fed who came up with the research notes.  You know you can't tell anyone, right?"

"Who'd believe me!  Oh, the new guy?"

"Not a clue," Alexx told her.

"Bet me.  He was looking at baby catalogs."  Alexx looked stunned.  "I don't know why but someone might want to ask and since Speed was crying at the selection of chocolate in the machines earlier...."  She left it there.  "By the way, you'll need some smelling salts."  She walked out, her missive of doom done for the day.  She ran into a lurking Horatio.  "Alexx said to give her the results and only her," she said quietly, glancing around.  Then she hugged him.  "I'm so sorry.  God, I'm so sorry.  It'll be okay and I'll do what I can, even hold your hand and all that stuff.  Let me know when the shower is?"  He nodded at that.  "I ran sex and paternity."

"Thank you, Valera."  He smiled at her.  "I've come to accept it."

"Did you at least hit him?"

"I did."

"Good!  Can I hit him?  Me and Calleigh and Alexx?"

He smiled.  "We'll see."  She walked off again.  "Take the rest of the day off if you're nearly clear."

"Thank you, Horatio.  I need it.  I need brain wash."

He walked into the morgue, staring at Alexx, who just looked back.  "Well?"

"Are you sure you want to know before I do?  I haven't gotten through more than the first few yet, Horatio."

"Look at mine.  Tell me."

She found his test results and looked them over.  "Healthy.  Very healthy.  Normal."

He moved closer to snatch them, then found his other one in the other stack.  He stared and wobbled, making her catch him and sit him down.  "This is a cosmic joke."

"It's not.  I was looking at Speedy's."  He looked at her.  "Him first," she snorted, paging him down to the morgue.  He walked in scowling.  She held up the results.  "Want me to read it for you?"

"I know she's healthy, all the tests you had me run were negative.  And?"

"Little boy."  He smiled at that.  "And Eric's a daddy twice."

"Excuse me?" he demanded, losing his smile.  Horatio handed over his.  "Hey, a little girl.  At least they won't date."  Horatio glared at him.  "It was a worry I had last night."

"So that's what that nightmare was," Horatio said blandly, standing up.  "We should talk to Delko."

"We should tease the hell out of him for this," he said with a smirk.  "What about the new guy?"

"Valera said he was reading baby catalogs," Alexx offered.  "You two still need to eat better and start cutting back on the hours."  They gave her a look.  "Do I care?" she demanded.  "Do it anyway!  Before I tell the other fussy ones!"

"Yes, mom," Speed said, walking out with the combined test results.  He came back.  "No others are his, right?  There won't be a Delko population explosion?"  She looked then shook her head.  "Good."  He walked out, finding Eric joking and laughing with Calleigh.  They both walked in and smiled at the new guy, who left with a smile back.  He slammed the door once Horatio got out of the way.

"Test results are back," Calleigh said, looking at him.  "Should I run?  Am I a daddy?"

"While that would fit the cosmic joke going on inside us, no," Speed told her.  "In either case."  She beamed and took the papers to look over.  "Both healthy."

"Oooh, a girl and a boy!" she squealed, hugging them.  She turned the page for paternity and passed out.

"At least we know she's not pregnant by you, Eric," Horatio said blandly.  Eric went pale and had to lean against the table, shaking his head slowly.  They both nodded.  Eric shook his head harder.  "Oh, yes.  Or as Speed put it, at least the kids can't date."

Eric sat down on the floor, looking at him.  "No, please no?"  Speed smirked at him, handing him the card he had picked out for the father.  Eric looked at it then whimpered and started to cry.  "No.  I've got to tell my mother."

Horatio helped Calleigh wake up, noticing someone watching.  "She's fine, just some news," he called.  "Go back to work!"   He looked down at her.  "Good morning."

"Oh my God," she breathed, looking at Eric, then at him.  "They'll be pretty."  Speed swatted at her with a scowl.  "They will be!  It's a good first thought! It does explain why you both want sweets, and hey, Frank won't have to explain it to his wife," she babbled.   "I won't have to think about how they could've come to be naturally or anything like that and they won't date.  Though they'll probably play together and be happy and all that."  Horatio helped her up and gave her a hug.  "It's not mine and I'm so happy but I'm so freaked out," she admitted, giving him a squeeze.  She pulled herself back together.  "I'll, um, give you three some time alone."  She rushed out, going to tell Frank.  She ran into him at his desk and hauled him up.  "There's news."  He followed her to a quiet place to talk.  "They're Eric's."

"Someone's having twins?" he muttered.  She punched him on the arm.  "Oh, no."  She nodded frantically.  "Oh, hell no.  Please hell no."  She nodded again.  "Is he alive?"

"So far!  I ran!  I'm not going to die protecting him!"

"It's not his fault and they both know that," he said, calming her down a bit.  "Any other news?"

"One boy, one girl.  She'll be a beautiful little girl with blue eyes."

He grinned at that.  "I'm sure she will.  They'll both be stubborn."

"Horatio said at least they couldn't date."  He snickered at that.  "I passed out, Frank."

"It's reasonable, Calleigh.  I almost did when he told me."  He gave her a hug.  "It'll be okay.  We can cover for them if something bad happens.  Go pick out lunch."  She nodded, going to do that while he went back to his desk and wondered if he should appear to mourn at Eric's funeral or not.  Doing so would probably be a better cover he decided.

***

Eric walked into his mother's house and looked around. "We alone?"

"You asked for us to be.  What's going on?"  She looked at him.  "You're going to admit you're dating someone?"

He sat down and put a few papers in front of her.  "This," he said in Spanish, "is what happened to some officers during a drill.  Someone drugged us all, someone inserted drugs in most of us.  They thankfully committed suicide before I got to them and the one who showed up wanting us to finish the original guy's research is in jail."  She gave him a worried look.  "Just read it, Momma.  Please.  That way you can rant and scream and then we'll talk."

She read it over, then stared at him in horror.  "The one who needed the candy?"

"Yes, both of the guys did."  Her mouth came open then a wail started.  He gave her a hug. "It's all right."

"It's against Nature and God's Will!" she ranted.  She stood up and got away from him.  "How dare they!"

"Momma, the ones who decided to keep it did it mostly on religious reasons.  A few are even Catholic."  She glared at him.  "I'm one of the ones it failed on and they used me as a sample.  A paternal sample."  She wobbled and he caught her, sitting her back down.  "But I did have you make the candy for them.  I didn't know at the time, I thought I was just spoiling them, but it went to the right people.  I've been fussing over them since they're still working."  She gave him a horrified look and he grinned.  "This isn't even the fit I expected."

"Your father will hear it later!"

"Momma, if news of this gets out, they're going to come after the department and kill us all.  Everyone who knows, all the parents, everyone."  She glared at him.  He nodded.  "So get the ranting out now.  Please."  She went off, swearing in Russian and Spanish as she stormed into the kitchen.  He winced at the breaking glasses.  "I'm hope that wasn't Grandma's glasses, Momma.  You'll pout later if you break those."

She came out.  "Yours?"

"Two.  One of each.  Two different ... well I guess you could call them mothers."

"Who?" she demanded.

"Speed and Horatio."  She whimpered and clutched the doorframe.  He nodded.  "A few of us know so we could watch their backs.  We knew a few weeks back that they were using a partner's sample.  I thought one might end up being mine when I heard that but we did the tests today."  She nodded at that, her mouth clenched together.  "Momma, they wanted the babies."

"I will be seeing them."

"In private."

"I'm telling your father."

"As long as you don't tell my sisters!  They can't keep a secret if all our lives depended on it.  And it does this time."  She nodded once at that.  "Are you okay?  Not going to find a torch or anything?"

"They did not ask this to be done to them."  She swatted him. "You should have told me."

"Momma, I've been trying to keep the secret and I know how you can go off on some people when they're going against God's laws," he soothed.  "In Horatio's case, his priest talked him into it."

She snorted.  "The poor boy is a victim.  I cannot hate him.  I will be seeing them.  We will be getting visitation and you will take responsibility."

"Of course I am.   However much they want."  She gave him a look.  "You know Speed and Horatio.  Think about the mood swings!"  She snorted but looked happier.  "Anyway, I wanted to let you know now, in private, so you could get this out.  Make sure Poppi knows he can't tell a single person.  No one.  Not even the priests."  She nodded once at that, calming herself down.  He kissed her on the cheek.  "They'll be pretty grandbabies."

"They will be but it's still wrong."

"I know.   Not like I had the fun to get them that way."  She swatted him and scowled but she was back to closer to normal.  "So, Speed's out of candy.  Can I get you to make him some more?"  She smiled and nodded, heading back to clean up the mess she had made.  "Thanks, Momma."

"How are they getting out?"

"Alexx."  She came back to stare at him.  "It's the only doc we had available and she butted in. She's got two of her own," he reminded her.  "Since the Feds are threatening to shut us down and kill us all, she's handling those who didn't have surgery, Momma."

"How many got hit?"

"Fifteen originally.  There's six still pregnant.  One miscarried."  She nodded, going back to the kitchen.  "Can I help?  I have no idea how to do this."

"You will."  He walked in.  "Are you seeing one of them?"

"No, but I think they're seeing each other."  She snorted. "It'd be like I donated to a lesbian couple or something.  Or at least that's how I'm considering it."  She gave him a look but went back to pulling out ingredients to teach him how to make this important treat.  "Horatio agreed we could have dinner at his place tonight.  Is eight okay?"

"It's fine, Eric.  We'll talk to them then, make sure they both know we want to visit."

"That'll also give you time to calm down Poppi."

She looked at him and snorted.  "No, it won't.  He'll still be steaming but he'll cave when he sees their stomachs.  Have them wear something that makes them show more than usual.  It worked when your sister came home saying she was getting married."  He grinned and texted that to Horatio, who sent back a groan.  "Are they still working?"

"Yeah but we got a rookie in the lab to cover for Speed in the field.  Horatio's not so much doing the work as doing the paperwork at the moment so we should be okay.  Just a bit more tired."  She nodded, teaching him what to melt together.  He took over, doing what she said.  It was pretty easy and it was a great treat.  His father came home, slamming the door.  "In here, Poppi."

"Your mother called and said there was news I should hear," he said, coming in. "That you requested a private meeting with us?"  He looked at his son.  "She's pregnant?"

She handed over the papers.  "Someone stupid in the government decided to go against God's laws and used our son."  He looked at her, then at Eric, who nodded at the papers.  He read them over slowly, frowning.  She looked at him.  "It is not the other parents' fault."

"They kept them?"

"Dad, it's the only chance either of them will have," he said quietly.  "I found out today that two of the eight are mine.  I've been fussing over them.  Right now I'm really happy neither one of them is either one carrying twins."

"Did no one stop these people!" he demanded, slapping down the papers.

"One committed suicide, the other's in jail," Eric said simply.  "Horatio got to hit him once and Speed told the others in his cellblock that he was doing human experiments that made a man emasculate."  That got a snort and an evil look.  "I didn't know, Poppi.  We only did the tests today.  But you can't tell anyone.  They will kill anyone who finds out if it's found out by anyone not involved."

"Like Castro," he sneered. "Only worse.  Not even he would've done this!"

"Agreed," Eric assured him.  "But for right now, I've got two beautiful children on the way."  His mother took the pan.  "Sorry, Momma."

'It's all right."  She looked at him.  "We're talking to them tonight at eight for dinner."

"The parents?"

"Speed and Horatio," he said quietly.  His father gaped in horror.  He grinned.  "They'll be very pretty babies."

"They will but that's still wrong!"

"Poppi, calm down," he ordered quietly.  "This is the only chance they have.  They decided to have the babies when the opportunity was given to not make that choice."  His father deflated and nodded.  "Now, they're with each other.  I know that'll bother you.  I don't care, but if you upset them I will scream at you once their mood swings are done.  They don't need it with the other stresses in their lives."

"I understand.  You will be with them?"

"That's up to them, Poppi.  I don't make that decision."  He nodded at that and went back to his study to fume in private. "Remember, no one can know."

"I won't tell anyone, not even our priests," he assured him, then slammed his office door.

Eric came back to help.  "What did I miss?"  She smiled and let him add the rest of the oats going in.  "Thank you for staying calm, Momma."

She kissed him on the cheek.  "I'm focusing on the end result and feeling sorry for those men of yours, son.  Otherwise I would be screaming and grab a rifle, going back to the revolutionary I used to be."  He grinned and nodded, giving her a hug while they cooked.  "You're off today?"

"Horatio ordered me to come tell you before you hunted him down and burned him at a stake."

"He has not a worry, son.  The person who did this...."  He grinned at that and she got back to teaching him how this was done.  It was a very delicate candy if it wasn't mixed correctly.

***

To next part:

Eric held out the boxes when Speed opened the door.  "Momma's fussing over Poppi's tie."  Speed grinned and let them inside.  He handed him a box, watching as Speed popped one in immediately and went to the kitchen.  "Can I help?" he asked, handing Horatio the other box, making him quit brooding.  "It'll be fine," he said quietly.  "I explained it to them."

"I talked with Yelina earlier," he said grimly.  "She suggested I drink very heavily."

Eric's mother came in and looked at him.  "What's wrong, poppet?" she asked, sitting beside him.  "Eric, go cook."  He nodded, heading that way.  "What's wrong?"

He looked at her.  "My sister-in-law is not the most supportive person."

"Some women cannot accept when things happen."  She smiled.  "Now, call me Momma."

"I take it you want visitation?"  She nodded and he grinned.  "I can accept that.  I know Eric's got a very loud, strong family."  She laughed and smiled again.  "That would be fine with me.  We can work it out between us when she's born."

She reached over to stroke his stomach then smiled at him.  "I'm incredibly confused but she's a strong girl, Horatio.  Much like you are."  He smiled at that.  "Now, we made you some new treats.  Eric said Speed stole all of yours."

"He did, he's been craving sweets. I'm craving salt so we're having roast tonight."

"That's fine."  She gave him a gentle hug.  "Now, you and Speed should be with Eric right now.  That way he can bond with his children."  He opened his mouth and she held up a finger.  "I will not allow my grandchild to not know her father.  I would prefer if you two took up with him and got him straightened out."  She stood up and handed him the box of candy.  "Have one, dear.  Eric tipped in a bit too much honey so it should soothe your temper."  She went to the kitchen, finding her husband in there grilling and pressuring Speed.  "Dear," she chastised.  "This is a very delicate stage.  If it were legal, Eric would have already married them both."  He nodded at that, sighing a bit.  "Until then, they can see if they suit each other.  We can only hope they get together."

"But...." Speed started.  Both parents glared at him and he wilted.  "We'll think about it," he offered.  She smiled and kissed him on the cheek, then patted him on the stomach.  "He's okay today.  Horatio got kicked earlier."  She smiled and went to check on him again, dragging her husband with her.  He looked at Eric.  Who could only shrug.  "You told her how, right?"  He nodded quickly.  "Then we'll work on it, Eric."  He got back to work cooking vegetables.  "Horatio, want corn or potatoes?" he called.

"Either's good, Speed.  Thank you."  Speed nodded and opened the corn since that's what he was craving.  Eric took over and Speed smirked.  "Suck up," he hissed.

Eric looked at him.  "My mother hopes."

Speed bent down laughing, leaning on the edge of the stove.

"Come sit, dear," Eric's mother ordered, leading the giggling boy out there to sit beside Horatio.  "Now, we're how far along?"

"Middle of the fifth month," Horatio offered calmly.  "Alexx did the amnios today and they came out very well.  Both of them are healthy.  Not always happy...."  Speed snickered.  "I know, it's my own fault for being a grouch to Frank.  She likes Frank.  I'm hoping it holds over for when I deliver."

"Frank?" Eric's father asked.

"Detective Tripp.  He's been watching over us with Eric," Speed told him.  "Right now he's keeping Horatio and his sister-in-law apart."  Horatio nodded at that.  "What did she say this time?"

"That I should drink a lot and suggested some very nice drugs that could help me with this problem, as she called it."

"Uh-huh," Speed said dryly.  "Can't I hit her, just once?" he demanded.  Horatio gave him a look.  "Have you talked to your nephew?"

"He's announced that he's coming over tomorrow morning instead of going to his first few classes.  I'll be in late tomorrow.  I'm hoping he won't deny my existence."

"He won't.  Ray Junior's a good boy," he reminded him.  "Much more reasonable than your brother, who would've freaked."

"Ray would've spent a lot of long nights in bars," he agreed.  "Then he would've thrown a fit to Yelina and probably half the bar.  So we'd be in danger."

Eric came out with plates for the table. "You already are, H.  Or should I point out the fact that you piss off drug dealers?"

"It means we're doing our job, Eric."  Speed shot him a look.  "Did you really mean to mention that in front of your parents?"

"They know."  He finished setting the table and went back.  "Speed, I think the roast's done."  Speed came back in and he fed him another piece of candy, earning a smile.  "Stetler's coming back from his trip tomorrow," he reminded him quietly.  Speed gave him a look.  "All I want is a good view.  I know he won't be able to help himself."

"True.  Hey, H, Stetler's coming back tomorrow," he called.

Horatio looked back at him.  "That's evil."

Speed grinned.  "Thank you.  Can I wear my blue shirt so I look fat tomorrow?"

"Too many mood swings will raise your blood pressure," Eric's mother said patiently.  "That's not good for either of you."

Eric's father looked back.  "I used you to get back at those who annoyed me the way that man has you, son.  Babies are a wonderful revenge."

Horatio looked at him.  "There is always a bad diaper," he agreed dryly.  Eric's father smirked and nodded.  "For right now, I'd almost rather have a mood swing on him and make him walk off muttering."

"It is a fun sport," Speed agreed.  He pulled out the roast and checked on the corn, turning up the heat just a bit so they'd be warm at the same time the meat was rested.  "Eric, get water or tea?  I made a new batch of iced tea."  He nodded, going to do that.  He knew what his parents liked best.  Speed got to work fussing over everything but Horatio came in and he smiled.  "Sorry I took over the kitchen."

"You cook much better than I do," he reassured him. "I can only do the basics and you can do some amazing things with a pot."  That got a smile.  "I'll cook tomorrow night?"

"Sounds good.  Or even ordering if you can't."  That got a grin.  "Okay, carry the roast."  Eric grabbed it and carried it out with the corn going afterward.  "Thanks, pookie."

Eric looked at him.  "Remember, I learned how to give two pregnant sisters backrubs for when they ache from the extra weight," he teased back.

Horatio looked at him.  "That might help you on your raise review as well," he noted dryly.  Eric beamed and finished fussing with the table.  "We're about ready if you two want to come in," he called.  Eric's family came in and sat down where Eric pointed.  He walked Speed out once they had the last few things they'd need.  "Here we go."  He sat down and let Eric's father say grace.  They let Eric carve the roast and hand out slices, then dug in, making gentle small talk while his parents got to know them.  It was important that they get to know and like the ...mothers of their grandchildren and the ones their son would be with.

***

Horatio looked over as his nephew walked into his house.  "Does your mother know you're here?"

"Nope.  She'd scream.  I don't know why she'd scream but she'd scream."  He closed the door and came over.  "So, why would she scream?"

He frowned.  "During a disaster drill some Federal Agents doing an experiment decided to up their experiment's perimeters."

"Okay," he agreed.  "Is that why you're eating spinach on your eggs?"

"It is."  He ate another bite.  "There's a plate of bacon in the microwave, Ray."  That got a grin and his nephew brought it out, giving him half.  "The problem is that I was one of the people the experiment hit."

"Okay."  He nibbled on a piece of bacon.  "What was the experiment for?"

"Fertility."

"So I'm going to be a cousin?"  Horatio nodded and his nephew beamed at him.  "Cool!  So why is Mom ranting?  She doesn't like the mother?"

Horatio stared at him for a minute.  "This goes no further by any means."  Ray shrugged.  "I'm the mother.  That was the experiment."

Ray choked and gulped his uncle's milk, then wheezed, looking at him. "Excuse me?"  Horatio nodded, eating his own piece of bacon.  "No wonder Mom's screaming!"  Horatio nodded slowly.  "So, how are we doing this?"

"It's a girl.  You'll have a female cousin to adore and fuss over," he said quietly.

"Okay, still cool.  I'll beat up on the boys who try to grope."  His uncle let out a small smile.  "I'm shocked, but it figures some asshole would try.  Is it a clone?  Well, no it can't be since you're not female."

"They used another person's sample from within the lab," he said quietly.  Ray stared at him.  "Eric Delko's."

"Then the baby's going to be one fine chick when she's older."  Horatio smiled for real at that and blushed a little bit.  "So, Mom's screaming because you told her."

"Yup."

"And she's screaming because you didn't sign up for this?  That you were basically assaulted?"

"Yup."

"And now she's trying to keep me from seeing you because you're doing this."

"Basically."

"My mother needs drugs.  Can I pat the tummy?"

Horatio let him pat his stomach for a minute.  Then he winced.  "Sorry, she's awake."

"It proves it beyond any doubt I had," Ray promised.  He grinned at him and gave him a hug.  "I'm there for you, Uncle H.  I'll even babysit now and then when I can."  That got him hugged back.  "My mother will chill eventually but Dad would be throwing the louder fit."

"In a bar," he agreed dryly.

"True."  He pulled back.  "Or to his crack hos."  Horatio nodded at that.  "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Ray.  We're both fine.  Alexx is handling the medical needs."

"She deals with dead people."

"The agents in charge have promised that any information getting out would mean they would kill us all and shut down the department and the lab."

"Ah."  He nodded at that.  "Preemptive strike?  It works for the US," he said at the amused look.

"One committed suicide.  One's in custody.  He was tried very quietly and he's in prison.  Someone let the other prisoners know that he's a Fed and he was doing human research experiments."

"Pity about his ass being stretched that way," he said with a shrug.  "Should've known better than being a selfish, sadistic, evil bastard."  Horatio gave him a look.  "You can't tell me he wasn't wanking off to the thought of you guys suffering."

"He could have been," he admitted.  "It's still not polite to say in public."

"You're not public, you're family."  He grinned sweetly.  "So, how long do I have to pick out a baby blanket or something?"

"I'm early six months as of ten this morning."

"Cool with me."  He took two more pieces of bacon.  "I should skip back to school.  I printed off a note saying I had an important meeting this morning."  Horatio signed it and he winked at him.  "Thanks, Uncle H.  Be safe.  Wear your vest.  Let someone nag about your diet and all that.  Can't wait to see her," he said happily, heading out to go to school.

Horatio finished his breakfast and the rest of the bacon on Ray's plate, then headed to go into work.

***

Horatio looked up as Stetler walked up to where he was in the halls.  "Yes, Rick?" he asked quietly.  "How was your vacation?"

He looked at him.  "Are you off your PT and diet?" he asked.  "You're looking a bit..fat."

"I'm not fat," he said firmly.  "Unlike your incipient beer gut, mine's a medical condition, Rick," he said patiently, letting it build.  "So, how was your vacation?"

"Just fine until Yelina called up crying last night."  Horatio gave him a look.  "Would you know why she called up crying about you?"  Horatio nodded.  "Would you like to share why since she couldn't?"

"No."  He turned and started to walk off.  The IAB officer grabbed his arm.  "Let.  Go," he ordered coldly, glaring at him.  The hand was removed and Rick moved back.  "I am not yours to grab, Rick.  Now, is there anything else?"

"I can order you to go through a fitness exam," he noted with a small, evil smirk.

"And I can get a medical waiver, which I already have," he said dryly, still glaring.   "As I said, I'm not fat, it's medically caused."   He stepped closer.  "Now, is there anything else?" he demanded.

"What is wrong with you?"

"You," he said bluntly.  "I was perfectly happy until you decided to come brag about your vacation."  His new CSI, Ryan Wolfe, walked past and walked Stetler off by force.

"He's a bit stressed, it's not a good day to bother him," he said bluntly.  "Just leave him alone for a few days."  He let him go.  "Shoo, now.  Upsetting him upsets the rest of the lab and things go wrong."  He turned and walked back, looking at his boss.  "Give him an hour.  I told him upsetting you upset the lab," he said gently.  He glanced around then pulled something out of his pocket and handed it over.  "Yours.  I slid the other one into the other guy's locker."  He walked off again.

Horatio looked at the thing in his hand then after him.  "Mr. Wolfe."  He followed him to where he and Eric were working together.  "You know."

"I did recognize it and I know one of the other guys afflicted," he admitted, looking at him.  "That's so you can do whatever you need."  Horatio smiled at that.  "I thought it'd be better than guessing and flubbing by giving you something too cute."

"Thank you, Mr. Wolfe."  He patted him on the back.  "Also thank you for diffusing the fit."

"He'll come back and this time we'll get to watch," Eric told him.  "He always does."  He looked at Horatio. "I'm sorry my mother got onto her kick."

"It's all right.  It's natural."  Two officers came to the doorway and he put the card into his pocket. "Yes, Officers?  Can we help you?"

"Sir, the Chief wanted to see you and you're not answering the phone," one of them said calmly.

Horatio nodded.  "I'll call him."

"He wanted us to bring you to him, sir."

Horatio looked at them.  "I'll call him.  Don't worry about it."  That got a look from them.  "I'm more than capable of driving myself."

"Sir, he said to drive you."

Eric looked at them. "Unfortunately the Chief's going to have to wait.  He's got to go question a murderer in a moment with Detective Tripp.  He'll call the Chief and then head down there if he has to.  But thanks for the offer to save wear and tear on the hummers."  They stared at him.  "Out, boys.  We're trying to work and you're upsetting the new kid."  They continued to stand there.

Horatio pulled out his phone and called the Chief.  "You sent me an escort?" he asked blandly.  He put it on speaker.  "Repeat that please?"

"I didn't send for you, Lieutenant Caine.  I have no idea what you're talking about."

"There's two officers here who said you sent them to drive me to your office, sir."

"No.  Not me, Horatio.  Officers, I would like to know who gave the order from me," he said blandly.

"The Chief did, sir," one said.

Ryan shook his head.  "No, that's the Chief, guys."  He paged someone with his phone.  Frank walked up behind them.  "Frank, is that suspect ready for you two to question?"

"He is," he said, catching the clue.  He grabbed the two officers and moved them.  "Thanks, boys.  Blocking the doorway.  Horatio?"  He nodded, hanging up and following him.  Once they were in the elevator he looked at him. "What was that?"

"They said the Chief wanted them to drive me downtown."  He called him back.  "It's me.  They were Hornet and Crampers.  Yes, that's the name on their tags, sir.  Detective Tripp.  Thank you.  I'm staying in all day.  Of course.  I have no idea.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "I'm to stay in all day and be watched.  Just in case."  That got a nod and Frank led him to his own desk to go over a file with him.  It needed to be done anyway.  The officers came to lurk in plain sight.  "Boys."  He got back to work.  Speed walked past, giving him a look.  He got a look then glanced back toward the officers.  Speed handed over a file.  "The DNA profile?"

"The DNA profile and it's who you thought.  So we can go pick them up."  Frank smiled and nodded.  "You go ahead, I'll wait back in the lab.  I've got those new samples to go over."  That got a nod and he headed back.  He saw one of them staring at him and grabbed one of the officers walking around.  "C'mon, we've got to go over the Penrose Drive arrest tapes."  That got a confused look. "The runner guy."  The officer just nodded and walked him out.  They got into the elevator.  "Those two officers watching Tripp and H tried to remove H from the building," he said quietly.  "They said the Chief told them to drive H downtown."  The officer nodded and headed back down once Speed was off on the lab's floor.   He found Eric pacing.  "They're together.  I told the officer who I yanked to walk me out of there.  They're still watching them."

"That's fine, we can easily guard you," Eric assured him, walking him back to Trace.  "One of us is staying here, Speed.  Let me go tell Calleigh."  He looked around. "Cooper, come watch Speed!"  He walked off, going to find Ryan and Calleigh together and him telling her about the officers. "They're still watching H.  Speed told one of the other guys down there.  He's in Trace.  We're watching him and H if he comes back."  That got a nod and Ryan went to watch over Speed for now.  "I've got Cooper in there," he called.

"That's fine."  Ryan walked in and looked at Cooper.  "It's all right.  Someone tried to take Horatio out of the building."

"We know who?"

"We do.  They're handling it downstairs."

"He doesn't have his vest on!" Cooper complained, going to remind Eric of that fact.  "Eric, his vest is where?"

"If H needs his vest, Frank's going to kill.  Frank has him, Cooper.  It's all right."  That got a nod.  "Let us handle it, just run the tapes so we can get a picture of them. We've got Speed but keep an eye out for him."  That got a nod and he went to do that.  "Calleigh?"

"He'll get annoyed but oh well.  What can I do?"

"I'll take next case with Wolfe.  You watch Speed if we go."  She nodded, letting him go back.  He saw Wolfe smiling and chatting happily and Speed giving him this incredulous look.  "What's wrong?" he asked, leaning in.

"He slid a gift card into my locker."

"Baby showers, Speed.  They happen," he said with a smirk.  "Momma already said something about baby furniture."

"Way beyond where I'm at mentally, guys."

"Then save it until you are.  You're going to need some stuff," Ryan offered with a grin.

"How do you know?" Eric asked.

Ryan smirked.  "I'm not telling you shit, Eric.  You'll use it against me.  So said most of the guys on patrol."  He ducked out.  "I'll take next case with whoever."

"Yeah, you will," Eric agreed, watching his back.  "Isn't that your rep?" he asked Speed.

"Yeah, it is.  I use your slutty tendencies against you a lot," he agreed, looking confused.  "Huh.  Background check?"

"Background check," Eric agreed, going to do that.  He did not like mysteries and this was coming at the wrong time.   Horatio walked into his office while Eric was doing it.  "Doing a background check."

"On?"

"Wolfe."  He looked at him.  "He told Speed to save the card until he knew what he needed because he'd need stuff.  Then he told me he wasn't going to tell me how he knew that because I'd use it against him."

"You did pick up that bad habit from Speed," he admitted, turning off the monitor.  "Leave it alone, Eric.  Ask him.  That's something that comes with trust."  Eric sighed but got up and headed out. "Besides, it's not in there," he said quietly, getting down to erase the files.  His desk phone rang.  "Horatio," he answered, then hung up on the maniacal laughing.  Whoever it was, he wasn't playing their game.  Speed was walked in by Frank and the door was closed.  "Frank?"  He came back in.  "What's going on?"

"The guys pulled out a gun."  He grinned.  "Anything going on up here?"

"Someone just called me laughing," Speed told them.

"Me as well," Horatio agreed.  "Go pull the phone records?"

"Already got Cooper working on it," Speed assured him, calling down there.  "Same thing happened to H's desk phone."  He hung up and looked at Frank.  "We're fine."

"I'm sure you are," Frank agreed. "You're still staying in here."  He backed out and shut the door, turning to find Calleigh standing there.  "They both just got phone calls...."  She handed over a sheet of paper.  "Both of them?"  She nodded.  "From?"

"Unlisted number, cellphone prefix."  He took it with a groan.  "He called it back, it's dead.  No voicemail, registers as no known number.  They're good."

"Maybe but you guys are usually better."

She smiled.  "You say some of the sweetest things.  Cooper's pissed and working on it."  He nodded, walking off.  "Those two?"

"Captured.  Stetler's in there with them."  She gave him a horrified look.  "Even if they let it be known, he's going to put them in for mental exams."   She sighed and walked off again. "It'll be fine."  He saw Wolfe watching.  "What?" he demanded.

"Names?"

"Hornet and Cramper."

"Out of Bike Patrol."  Frank smirked.  "Cramper's got violence issues.  I heard he had an issue with a gay officer."  Frank walked off smirking to go note that to Stetler.  He shrugged and got back to work.  Someone had to do it and now he knew why he had been hired.  Because those two's mood swings were going to scare someone soon.  Eric walked into the lab he was in and shut the door.  "Yes, Eric?"

"So, do you have kids?"

"No comment."

"Not gonna cut it."

Ryan looked at him.  "Eric, I don't know you that well.  I've nearly married someone and I never talk about some things with them.  I definitely do not know you that well.  It'll probably not happen for quite a while."

"Why?  You've got a secret wife stashed somewhere?"

Ryan stared at him.  "No comment.  Ever.  Now, think we can get to work?  I've got stuff I need to learn and you're training me.  Can we please work on my training?  Before one of them has to be on a scene they shouldn't?"

"I'm going to find out."

"I'm sure you'll annoy me until you do," he agreed.  "It'll be a few years from now though.  Now, case?  Hit and run?  Female vic who was smashed into the pavement?  Sounding familiar?  Because I just found glass that wasn't natural to the scene."

"It was a road.  It could've come from anywhere."

"Inside her chest cavity?"

"Good point."  He came over to look.  "You think it came off the tires?"  Ryan nodded.  "Any idea where it came from?"

"I can't get into the database.  It won't take the password."

"Why is it asking for a password?" he asked, looking confused.  He typed in the one for the lab admin, Horatio's ID.  That one worked.  He shrugged and let Ryan search now.  "We'll figure it out and I'll cancel that when you're done."  He watched him run it.  "Too many search parameters."  He showed him how to narrow it down the best way, getting a nod.  "Better."  He went to tell Horatio.  "For some reason the substance database wasn't accepting the usual password," he noted as he walked in.  He saw the person in there.  "Hey."  He looked at Horatio.  "Wolfe found out what the glass shards in her chest were."

"Good.  Does it lead to a suspect?"

"It does within a few steps."  He handed over the sheet.  "That's what he found."

"Good work, Eric."  He handed it back.  "Let me know when you bring someone in."

"Sure."  He glanced at the other person then back at him.  "Everything all right?"  Horatio nodded.  "Can I steal a piece of candy?"

"Sure," he agreed with a small smile, pulling out the drawer to let him into the box.  Eric stole a piece with a grin and walked off.  Horatio looked in the box.  "Since I'm in here, Speed?"  Speed took a piece of the candy as well. "You, Chief?"

"No, Horatio.  Thank you anyway."  He watched Speed suck on one.  "Honey?"

"And other stuff.  Eric's mom makes it," Speed admitted.  He finished sucking off the coating and chewed slowly, moaning a bit.

The Chief gave them a tolerant look.  "Well, at least it's good for you probably.  We found out what they were against.  That rumor's started again."

"Of course it has," Speed said dryly.

Horatio leaned back.  "It doesn't surprise me," he assured him.

The Chief looked at them.  Then he shook his head.  "Do we need more help?"

"No comment," they said together.

"I see.  Fine.  I suppose you could both be getting fat."

"He carries a gun," Speed reminded him.

"Point.  Speedle?"  Speed looked at him.  "Is there more than one in the lab?"

"No comment."  He gave him an interested look.  "Why?"

"Wanting to know if you need more help."

"Could," Speed agreed.  "Might make it easier to do the job."

"We'll see what we can do."

"It would probably cut some of the overtime we work," Horatio offered.

"That's a fiscally sound reason."  He looked at him.  "You'll want full leave time to recover?"  Horatio just stared at him. "Caine, it's fairly obvious and Stetler already called me about the weight gain."  He stood up.  "You can tell me."

"It's a girl," Horatio said quietly.

"Congratulations.  I hope she's healthy."  He looked at Speed, who didn't say anything.  "Fine.  If you need time off you can ask.  We'll work it out."  They both nodded.  "Thank you.  So, which one of you was hiding?"  Horatio raised his hand.  "That's reasonable with how you hid.  If I can ask who the other father is?  I got Alexx's report about them going after partners."

Horatio nodded.  "He's in the lab."  A pointed look was given to Speedle but he shook his head.  "No, not him," he said quietly.

"Wolfe?" he asked hopefully.

"Eric wishes," Speed said dryly.

"Oooh, that's going to get messy.  His parents?"

"Swore they wouldn't even tell it in confession," Speed told him.  That got a smile. "They do want them to get together."

"I don't care if Caine has a harem, Speedle.  It's been thought he did in the past.  A lot of people think he's sleeping with Yelina Salas and Calleigh both, plus rewarding you guys for good work with sex.  I don't care.  As long as there's no problem I'm not going to move anyone.  The night shift supervisor was very clear that she's not taking any of you."  That got a grin.  "Better?"  He nodded.  "Good.  Can we not make Stetler cry?"

Horatio shrugged.  "He grabbed me.  Does he know?"

"No.  He wanted to know if I had been briefed about the medical condition that was making you go off your training.  I told him you had some sort of intestinal problem.  That's all I needed to know."  That got a smirk.  "Try, please.  I don't want more people crying."

"I only made two cry," Speed complained. "I'm not even trying."

The Chief looked at him.  "You two usually make at least four cry a month.  Just try to keep it down."  He walked out, closing the office door behind him.  He saw a few glaring people and shrugged.  "What?  Telling them what happened to the officers earlier, people.  Go back to work!"  He walked off.  Caine's people were hypr-protective of him and someone would attack him if he was seen to be threatening Horatio.

Horatio smirked at Speed, then looked out his windows.  He got up and closed the curtains, watching as Speed unbuttoned his pants.  "Thankfully you like loose jeans."  Speed smirked and pulled him down for a kiss.  "It's up to you about telling him the truth," he promised.  He took another kiss.  "We shouldn't."

"We shouldn't," Speed agreed.  "Lunchtime quickie?"

"With the hovering fussy people?"

"Point."  He grinned and glanced toward the window, nodding.  Then he smiled and leaned back, making sure his t-shirt covered the bulge and the unbuttoned pants.  "What!" he called, sounding cranky.  Someone knocked and Valera walked in.  "What's wrong?"

"We have a problem with a case," she said quietly.  She whispered in Horatio's ear, getting him heading down there.  "Sorry, Speed."

"It has to take precedence."  He got up and buttoned back up his pants.  "A bit tight."  She smiled and followed him.  He tidied up his bottle of water mess and headed back to work with Ryan.  He logged out of the search engine and rebooted it, then put in the password they all used.  "That happens about once a month.  It means there's an update waiting and we haven't went looking for one for too long."  Ryan nodded and let him have the report.  "Interesting uses of that type of glass.  Any suspects?"

"We only had type of car before.  Two letters of the license plate on a traffic camera.  It can only help."

"It can.  Every little clue helps."  He glanced around then at him.  "You have kids?"

"No."  He grinned.  "Not per se."  He took the results and went to call around to see who used that particular type of crystal.

"Not per se," he said dryly.  "Uh-huh."  He looked out in the hall and did a newspaper search, frowning with what he came up with.  "What?" he demanded.  He paged Ryan back and motioned him inside and closer when he stopped a bit away.  He pulled him closer.  "Explain that please?"

Ryan looked then at him.  "She said it's not mine.  Repeatedly.  Won't let a test happen.  So no, I don't have kids according to her but I have had a few pregnant friends.  I have one who claims she gets pregnant every time she accidentally hit the baby section of a catalog."  That got a small smirk.  "She's got four.  She quit looking at catalogs."  That got a single nod.  "So, yeah, I don't, but I do know.  I can get her nursery list if you want it."

"No, I'm good.  Alexx gave me one."  Ryan grinned at that.  "How many pregnant friends have you had?"

"I'm the godfather to seventeen kids."  Speed gaped in horror.  "Apparently OCD is good for godparents.  What do I know, I love the little brats.  They come over for Trick or Treating every year, I see them at holidays.  I buy tons of presents.  I feel like Santa every year."  That got a small smile.  "So yeah, I don't have any but I do know.  I'm good all the way through potty training for advice."

"At least that's reasonable."  He canceled the search.  "Are you yanking Eric's chain?"

"No.  If he found out about my godkids I'd never hear the end of it.  Especially since one of them has a massive crush on his oldest nephew."  Speed snickered and Ryan had to help him sit down.  "I'm saving myself from smacking him one day soon."  He walked off, leaving him in there while he went back to his search.

Speed got up and headed for the bathroom.  He had to pee.  He hated this part of being pregnant.  He always had to pee these days.  That or he needed sex.  His cock was tired by all the action it was getting.

***

Eric knocked on Horatio's door that night, giving him a look.  He held up the GPS tracking bracelet.  "Dad."

Horatio let him inside.  "They put it on you?"

"It's locked and I can't pick it off.  Can one of you so I can go out?"

Speed looked at it then at him.  "They put an ankle bracelet for home arrest on your wrist?"

"The home version," he agreed. "They wanted to make sure I'm spending a lot of time with you guys so the kids know me and we can get together."

Speed snickered.  "Your mom's a pisser, man."

"I know.  She's a great mother.  She wanted to pick up a rifle and become a revolutionary like she was when she was a young girl."  Horatio smiled at that.  "So, can one of you pick this off?  Momma's threatened to toss all my stuff out if I'm not here tonight and tomorrow night."

Horatio looked at the bracelet, then made a call.  "One of my guys has a GPS tracker on him.  How do I get it off?"  He looked at it again.  "No, it's got a diary sized key."  He smiled.  "That's fine. Thank you."  He hung up and got to work on the band.  He popped the pin holding the band in and then removed it and put it back in.  "There."

"Thanks, H."  He gave him a grin.  "So, should I hang around, make small talk, or can I go clubbing?"

"With your luck there'll be a girl there who'll get pregnant," Speed noted.  "Alexx said it's like potato chips.  She had to fight really hard not to have a baby number three."

Eric shuddered and shook his head.  "You two are more than I ever wanted.  No more.  Please no more.  God, please no more."  Horatio snickered at that.  "Really!  I can't see myself being a poppi to anyone!  I'm a bad influence!"  Speed nodded.  "Gee, thanks."

"You said it."  He looked at the GPS bracelet then called Eric's mom.  "Sorry, the band popped off when I grabbed him.  It's fixed."  He hung up and got back to his game of solitaire.  "So, backrubs?"

"If you want."  Horatio let out a small moan, rubbing his stomach.  He walked over and knelt in front of him, using both hands to stroke over the small lump.  "Expansion pains come from these muscles even though they move," he said gently.  "Kicking is from behind the belly button usually."  Horatio smiled at that.  "Better?"

"Much.  Can I have some attention on my shoulders?"

"If you want," he promised.  "But you've got to take off the shirt unless you want a fabric burn."  Horatio blushed but did that.  "Lotion or something?"  Speed found some and tossed it over.  "Thanks."  He moved behind the couch and got Horatio's shoulders for him, making him relax and tip his head forward. "If you need to nap, do so," he whispered.  Horatio nodded, making him smile.  "Speed?"

"You're amazing."  Eric grinned and got back to work, digging into the sore spots.  When someone knocked on the door he got up to answer it.  "Yelina."  He let her inside.  "What's up?"

"Are you two together?"

"We're a support group.  Eric's had a lot of experience thanks to his sisters so he's playing fussy spouse for us."

She frowned.  "This is not right."

"Not like I asked to have this happen," he shot back.  "The same as I could have done away with it but yay.  I wanted to have my son."  She glared at him.  "I don't care, Yelina.  It's not your decision.  It's mine.  It was Horatio's.  Feel lucky we told you."  She looked shocked.  "Up until one of the people in the lab noticed, we were going to let you come to us and ask."

"Why?"

"For the same reason you suggested Horatio take drugs last night with liquor," he said coldly.  "Do you want me to be with Horatio?  I can gladly walk over there and kiss him until he moans if you want."  He saw the disgust.  "Welcome to Miami, Yelina.  There's gay people here and sometimes bad things happen to good people.  That's why we all have jobs."

"Speed," Horatio said quietly.  He patted Eric's hands.  "Thank you, Eric."

"Anytime, Horatio, you know that."  He stood up and walked Speed back to the couch.  "Your blood pressure going up isn't going to help anything.  If she wants to be a prejudice woman about her family then we'll help Horatio find a better one who understands and loves him no matter what.  Calleigh would love to be the stepmommy and aunt.  So would Valera."  Speed grinned at that.  "Wolfe might not mind being the mommy either."

"He's had a few pregnant friends."

"They happen, just look at my sisters."  He grinned at him then glared at Yelina.  "Did you have to upset them!" he snapped. "Out!  Now, woman!"  She huffed off.  He went back to work on Horatio's shoulders.  "It'll be fine.  We love you anyway, boss.  Calleigh would love to be the mommy instead."  Horatio laughed.  "She would.  Think about all she could teach the little ones. All about the guns, bayous, and being pretty while being mean and nasty to someone."  Horatio nodded at that.  He gave him a squeeze.  "There.  Now you're relaxed again.  Speed?"

"I could use some attention," he admitted.

"Lay down, lazy," he teased back with a grin.  Speed stripped off his shirt and laid down.  He wasn't fully on his stomach, his weight canted off to his left.  Eric came around to work on his back for him, making him moan and go limp.  He backed off when he heard a snore, grinning at Horatio.  "All yours, I'm heading home for the night."  Horatio nodded so he left them alone.

Horatio leaned over to kiss Speed's back. Then he covered him and went up to shower and go to bed.  It did feel better.  Even if the baby was rolling around and pressing against his kidneys.  He relieved himself and went back to the warm water, smiling when Speed came in to join him for some more rubbing against each other. He wasn't ready for more.  No matter how much Speed might want to go farther.  He stopped him from moving down his chest.  "Not yet."

"You sure?  I won't expect more than touching."

Horatio smiled and turned off the water since it was getting chilly.  "Soon."

"Let me do what I want and you can figure that out."  He moved back down his chest, moving slowly, just teasing and nipping a few soft spots.  Horatio held his head down at one spot, wincing a bit but it felt incredibly good.  Speed licked it and moved further down until he was kneeling.  Then he played and teased and reminded himself why he liked boys.  At least until Horatio came and then he had to hold him up since he looked like he was going to fall.  "Come on."  He walked them both out of the shower, getting a towel to sketchily dry them off, then out to bed so he could tuck Horatio in.  He heard the car engine and looked outside.  "Eric's back."  He stole a bathrobe to put on, going down to let him in.  "What?"

"My mother had my locks changed on me."

"Your mother is one sneaky woman," he complained.

"Can I have the couch?"

"I'm not using it."  He got him a pillow and blanket then locked up the house and headed up to snuggle in for the night.  Horatio rolled over, gently touching him, learning his body.  "You don't have to."

"I do.  I may not be able to do the same thing but I do need to reciprocate."  He moved to touch him lower and it was good.  Speed came in his hand and he smiled.  "Not bad."

"Very not bad."  He took a kiss and snuggled in while Horatio wiped his hand off.  "We'll move however fast you want, even if I do get pushy to let me touch you."

"Sure."  He took another kiss before wrapping him in his arms, bump to bump, and settling in for the night.  "His mother had his locks changed?"

"Yup."

"We'll have to point out we're taking things very slowly.  That way she quits forcing him."

Speed grinned. "You want the tight little ass," he teased.

Horatio looked at him.  "I have one of those already."  He gave Speed's a squeeze.  That got  a grin from his very emotional lover and a small sniffle.  "I know."   He kissed and held him, keeping him calm.  "We'll work it out."   Speed nodded, setting in to sleep. Horatio thought for a few minutes but his body was tired so he slept fairly quickly too.

Downstairs, Eric smiled at the easy nap those two had fallen into.  It was good for them and it made him happy that they were happy. Even if Speed did tease Horatio with him and his very tight butt.

***

Ryan looked up a few days later, nudging Calleigh when he saw who was walking up to Horatio in the halls.  She looked and groaned, heading out there, him right behind her.

"Yes, Rick?" Horatio asked patiently, signing something Cooper brought him.  "Thank you, Cooper."

"I've got that tape nearly looped again, H.  You can come watch it in about ten more minutes."  Horatio nodded and he went back to his lab.  He really needed more like fifteen but at least Horatio had an excuse now.

Horatio saw his lurking techs and turned to look at him. "Did you enjoy staring at my back?" he asked.

"I'm trying to gather my thoughts since Yelina and I had a long talk last night."

Horatio shrugged.  "That is her prerogative.  About?"

"About a federal experiment."  Horatio stayed calm, quirking up an eyebrow.  "Then I went to the Chief this morning.  He warned me to stay out of it.  Why?"

"Because, if such things exist, they usually come with the expectation of a death threat," Horatio said quietly.  "Plus the promise to ruin the department for finding out what they had done."

Stetler sucked in a breath then nodded.  "Okay, that's reasonable."  He stared at him, looking him over.  Then he blinked at him.  "I should protest."

"Why?  Were you included in the experiment?"

"No," he said calmly.  "Thankfully not.  I do believe it's unnatural that some people have decided to keep it going."

"That's enough," Ryan said, coming out of the shadows.  "The same as any other person who's been assaulted, it is the *victim's* decision in that case, Stetler.  Some people have higher desires and made that decision for various reasons.  I'm not going to let you hurt the officers I know got hit."  He looked stunned.  "I have godchildren, of course I know.  Hell, man, I know better than you do.  Now, leave Horatio alone."  He stepped back.

"I'm fine, Mr. Wolfe."

"Do I care?" he demanded.  He looked at him again.  "Shoo.  This does not concern you.  Those who were afflicted are very well taken care of and their duties have been modified."  He backed up again.  "Further.  Before *I* have a mood swing.  By the way, I will be warning the others that you do know.  Just in case your mouth gets them killed."  He swallowed and hurried off.   He took a calming breath and looked at Horatio.  "I'm sorry but I'm not going to let him get the feds in here to shoot you.  The world needs you more, boss."  He walked off, going to call his friends who knew.  "Peter, Ryan Wolfe.  Just a quick one.  I know.  Stetler got told," he said quietly.  "Yup.  Thanks."  He hung up and went back to work.

Calleigh frowned at Ryan's back then walked over.  "Are we sure he wasn't hit?"

"I don't know," Horatio admitted.  "If he was, he was hit later than we were."  He frowned then cleared it up.  "That did stop that situation very well."

"Hopefully.  Are you okay?"

"As long as this doesn't get us killed."

"You're more than welcome to hide out, Horatio.   You and Speed both."  He smiled and nodded.  "You can probably even take the fussy one with you.  All right?"  Horatio nodded, going to call the Chief and let him know what had happened and that they were making emergency plans on how to hide them.  She went to find Ryan and talk to him.  "Okay, that's more than godkids."

He looked at her then closed the door behind her.  "It may be.  I still hate bullies."  She smiled at that.  "I don't think we need the department shut down because one woman is disgusted and one person's a bully.  Nor do I think we need any of them shot."

She stared at him.  "Are any of the new ones yours?"

He snickered and shook his head.  "I'm not fertile, Calleigh."  She stared, looking a bit confused.  "I'm not.  Don't worry about it.  They're not mine but I'm a fierce protector against bullies and stupid people.  I had to deal with them for far too long."

"So, high school trauma?"

"All schools trauma," he admitted blandly, looking at her.  "It comes under the heading of 'that happens to geeks'.   Bullies annoy the hell out of me.  Now, do we have a plan for the upcoming federal review day, when we all have to be here?"  She gave him a horrified look.  "Exactly.  That'll mean more feds in the lab."

"I'll ask."  She went to do that.  "Horatio, review day?"

He moaned.  "I don't know yet, Calleigh.  Maybe we'll take the field call that day."  She relaxed.  "It'll be okay."

"Did you know Ryan was infertile?"

He shook his head.  "I never asked such questions."

"Oh."  She shrugged.  "He's claiming it's bully trauma."

"I'm sure it was," he said patiently.  "I'm fine.  I've got to see Cooper."

"Sure."  She helped him up, smiling at him.  "Pillow on the chair, Horatio.  It'll help."  He nodded, walking out with her.  Eric stomped in.  "You missed it, Ryan went protector on Stetler."

"Again?"

"Said he can't stand bullies."

"Uh-huh," he said blandly.  "I'm letting Speed deal with that line of questioning."  He looked at Horatio.  "You should be resting."

"I'm going to AV.  I'm fine, Eric."

"That was a quote from my mother.  She had my sister Mari text it to me."  He held up his  phone.

"Well, with what Stetler was just trying to pull we may need to put them into protective custody," she said quietly.  He nodded once and glared toward the agent's office.  "It'll be fine."

"Right after I rearrange some of his molecules."  He started to stomp off.

"Ryan, stop him," she called, finishing her escort job.  He looked at her.  "He'd hit me."

"He'll hit him."

"Then Ryan can hit him back.  It'll be prepayment for future rookie hazing."  She delivered him to Cooper, who had a chair ready.  "Thank you, dear."  She walked off, going back to ballistics.

***

Speed knocked on Ryan's door, smirking when he answered.  "We need to talk."

"Sure.  I'm babysitting a godchild."  Speed nodded, walking inside.  "This is Tabitha.  Her mommy's in Mounted Patrol, horse patrol."  He shut the door behind him and watched him sit down.  "Want some water?"

"No, I want to know why you're so adamantly against Stetler and how you knew what was going on."

Ryan looked at him.  "Speed, I'm beginning to really like you but I don't know you that well.  I didn't tell the person I nearly married back in college."

"You know very well we can't trust you with this sort of thing hanging around.  Not with the clues you've left hanging," he retorted, giving him a look before finishing the snapping on the baby's outfit.  "There, now you're not chilly."

"She's always chilly.  She's got a slightly lower body temperature for some reason."  He came over to look at her.  "Happy now?"  The baby cooed and smiled at him.  He looked at Speed again.  "I hate bullies because I was a geek all the way through school."

"There's more to it than that."  He pulled out a file and put it onto the desk.  "Horatio pulled a favor to get your full file."  Ryan groaned.  "So, fertility experiment?"

"Yup, and it backfired after three months of super fertility.  I was so fertile for a bit I nearly caused someone to get pregnant by looking at her.  One of my friends swears that's how she got knocked up with Timmy."  He flopped down, picking up the baby to hold.  "Hi, Tabby."

She shrieked and patted him, beaming the whole time.  "Momma!"

"Yup, that's me."  He kissed her on the nose and let her settle into his lap, weathering the smile.  "Not the first time I've been called that.  One of them called me poo-poo for a few weeks too."  Speed burst out laughing.  "Anyway, it was extra money in college.  Some guy's dissertation.  After the three months, it wore off and I was okay until I went to check  on some pains I was having a few months later and found that the serum had destroyed both testicles.  We pointed that out to him and he refused to include it so those of us who were still alive at that point went to talk to his advisor and then the guy who does the oversight for ethical experiments at the school."

"Same guy?"

"I don't know."  Speed handed over something and he nodded.  "Same family."  He handed it back.  "He was a Philip."

"So maybe he changed his name."  He made a note on that.  "So you're totally infertile?"

"It's burned out the tissue.  Has been since I was twenty-four."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay.  That's why I'm such a fierce defender of my godkids."  Someone knocked.  "What?" he called.  A faint scratching noise was heard.  "Open."  Someone came in and paused.  "This is Speed, I work with him."

"I know, I've seen him on the job."  She kissed him on the cheek then handed Ryan a basket.  "Food, dear.  Hi, Tabby."  The baby squealed and waved at her.  "Such a good girl!"  She tickled her belly then kissed Ryan on the head.  "Can you watch the terrors too?"

"Sure.  I'm not on call tonight."  She beamed and went to get her unholy terror three-year- olds out of the car.  He pointed at the one running in.  "This is Sam and his clone there is Daniel."  Speed smiled at that.  "Big Stargate fan."  He kissed Sam on the head.  "Can you two drag the basket into the kitchen and not dig into it this time?"  They did that for him then came back out to stare at Speed.  "That's Speed, I work with him in the lab."   He looked at the mother, who winked and left.  "Sorry, she's apparently pulling a double and her husband works nights."

"It happens in patrol."

"She's a dispatcher."  Daniel came over to look at Tabby, staring at her.  "You know Tabitha."

"Baby," he said, scowling at him.

"There's room for you too, Danny."  He wiggled up into his lap and they held the baby together.  Speed grinned at that.  "I'm a good godfather to my horde."

"I can see that.  So this is just anger that you can't be here?"

"If they had taken volunteers I would've seriously thought about it," he admitted.  That got a nod and Speed stood up.  "Thank you for being reasonable but please don't let Eric know?"

"I won't.  Though I'm the bully in the lab usually."

"Yeah, but he's a pushy, smartass bastard who's cheerful about it."

"Good point.  Then again his mother's trying to get us to take him in."

"That'd be one hot bed," he offered with a grin.  "I know people who'd beg to tape it and pay you three."

"You know someone in that life?"

"Yup.  I'm godfather to her kids too."  That got a smirk and Speed left, making sure the kids couldn't follow him out the door.  "Okay!"  He stood up and put the kids on the couch, letting both boys hold Tabby.  "Let me put those up and see what your momma left us."  He went to do that, leaving out the snack packs.  Then he came back out, finding the boys trying to undress her.  "What are you doing?"

"She girl and not like boys, not have boy parts," Daniel told him.

"Find out why," Sam finished.

"She so named you two right," he joked.  "No, she doesn't have boy parts.  That doesn't mean you have to look at them to figure that out."  They pouted.  "Tough.  Find the remote, Sam, we'll watch some Law and Order.  There's got to be one on tonight."  Sam dug around in the couch, finding all his change and the remote.  "Hmm.  Lunch money for tomorrow.  Thanks, dear."  He cuddled him and flipped the station until he came to one. "SVU.  Not a good choice."  He headed up the dial until he hit the cable stations, finding Spike TV had one on.  "There, that's better."  They settled in to watch, clapping at the foot chase scene.  "Some day you two can do that too."  They beamed at him and settled in to watch and clap for the guys.  One of the boys liked Logan and the other Briscoe, but that was fine.  They could argue about who was better later.  Like usual.

***

Speed sat down next to Horatio, giving him a hug.  "Ryan was part of a fertility experiment in college."  Horatio hummed, still reading.  "It burnt him after three months of super fertility."  Horatio looked at him.  He nodded.  "He's fully not working in that area," he said quietly.

"No wonder he's such a fierce defender," he agreed, putting his book aside.  He cuddled him.  "Did you two have a good talk?"

"We did and I met three of his many godchildren.  He's babysitting a set of three-year-old twins named Sam and Daniel.  Their mom's in Dispatch and a Stargate fan."  Horatio smiled at that.  "And a very cute little girl named Tabitha who called him momma."

"Ray Junior did that to his father for about a week until Ray made Ray Junior learn how to say daddy.  His masculine nature couldn't take that insult."  Speed smiled.  "He would've nagged me for weeks about this."

"At least he would've gotten over it sooner than Yelina has."

"She's human.  She's allowed her prejudices."

"So wait until she hears they're both Eric's?" he teased.

"Hmm. That will be one loud fight.  That's how Stetler found out."

"I heard.  Ryan will have a big problem with bullies."

"We see them now and then.  Hopefully it won't be that hard and we can help him."  His phone rang.  "Horatio," he answered.  "Calleigh, he's babysitting.  Speed went to talk to him."  He smiled.  "Three of them, all under preschool age."  He laughed at her shudder of horror.  "What did you need?  Sure, I can do that."  He hung up.  "There's a new case and she wanted me on it for some reason."  He took a kiss. "Be safe tonight and don't wait up."

"I won't."  He watched him go, calling Eric.  "It's me.  He's out on a scene.  I met some of Wolfe's godkids.  They're adorable."  He smiled.  "Sure.  I'm bored.  Calleigh called him to come work with her.  Because you're overworked?" he suggested dryly.  "Sure.  Come on over."  He hung up and snuggled down into the couch, watching some tv.  It was a good night for it.  At least until someone pounded on the door.  He looked over.  Eric now had a key, Horatio had given him one.  Speed snuck that way, finding Yelina standing there.  He also saw Eric pulling up behind her car so he opened the door.  "What's up, Yelina?  He's on a scene."  She gave him a look.  "We're setting up to spoil each other later."  She glared at him.  "I don't read minds."  Eric walked up behind her.  "You can try to call Calleigh.  It's her scene if you needed to speak to Horatio."

"You got Rick suspended."

"No, his mouth got him suspended," Eric told her firmly.  "He came up to talk to Horatio in the middle of the labs.  Anyone could've heard and the information could've gotten back to anyone, Yelina."

"He's in jail!  What else is going to happen!"

"His bosses aren't and he's only one who guy was on the team," Speed told her.  She went pale.  "Tell me you didn't tell someone else," he demanded.

"My mother."

"Eric, take her in to Frank."  Eric nodded, walking her off to his car so they could quarantine her.  Speed went to pack two bags, then called Horatio.  "We're going to camp tonight.  Because your sister-in-law told her mother and possibly others.  Exactly.  She's also pissed that Stetler got suspended."  He hung up and carried them down to his bike, hitching them across the back.  Then he headed for his house.  He had moved and not put his new address in the files.  Only the people in the lab that he was close with knew where he lived now.  He saw a car following him so he detoured and went into his old neighborhood, parking in the parking lot.  The car passed by and he waited until it was out of sight before heading off again, taking the smaller alleys this time.  He came out at his place and found the car circling that block.  He waited until they headed off before finding a nearby parking garage and parking.  He nodded at the person who owned the small garage, getting a smile.  "Someone was following my bike."

"That's fine, Tim. The wife won't mind. She'll use it as another excuse to pet the metallic baby and beg for one for our anniversary."

That got a smile and Tim hurried up to his place, finding it untouched so far.  Eric called on his cellphone.  "It's me."  He listened.  "I am.  Bring a detector?  I lost my tail."  He smiled.  "That's fine."  He hung up and went to see what he'd need if they were going into hiding.  Some of his books and other clothes definitely.  Those got put into another bag and then he found his new pack of sweats and t-shirts, adding them in case they had to hide for a while and he got larger.  That bag got a few more books too.  Then he went to the kitchen to plan what he'd need to bring from there.  Since he was the better cook.  Eric tapped then walked in.  "Hey."

"Hey."  He ran the detector around the house, coming up with one bug, holding it up.  Speed poured a glass of water and it was put into it then into the freezer.  "Cooper would pout at that."

"Cooper can pout at the bug's treatment tomorrow," he assured him.  "Where was it?"

"By the screen door."

Speed came over to look. "That's a motion detector.  We didn't have that before."  He grabbed the two bags of groceries then nodded at the other two bags, plus his newer one.  "Please?"  Eric nodded, hauling them down to his car.  "My bike's safe."

"That's fine."  He closed his trunk and they went to get another bag of kitchen stuff just in case.  Then they left, heading back to Calleigh's place.  She gave them a look but Eric came in to see if she had any bugs, finding a few.  She glared at that.  "I don't know," Eric told her.

"I know you don't.  Where's Horatio?"

"You called him," Speed reminded her.

"No...."

Eric started to call and so did Calleigh.   Speed went to pack her a bag as well.  She dropped a few of her guns into it then carried it out to the car.  "Horatio, we're heading with Speed," she said into his voicemail.  "Call us!"  She hung up, Eric had gotten through and was whispering at him.  She smiled and helped Speed into the back seat.  "Where?" she asked when Eric got in to drive.

"Frank was there.  He called Dispatch to see where you two were working.  Then he rushed out."  He backed out, heading toward Frank's.  Frank escorted Horatio out and into the car, nodding at them to go.  That got a nod and Eric headed off.  "Do we have any ideas on  places to stay tonight?  Unless we want to stay with Wolfe for a bit?"

"I know somewhere safe," Horatio said quietly.  Speed looked at him. "I'm fine.  I got there and she wasn't so I left when I didn't see an active crime scene.  Frank intercepted me when I left."  That got a nod and his hand was squeezed.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  I'm just glad you're okay.  Eric found bugs at my new place and at Calleigh's.  Mine's in the freezer."

"We'll get it to Cooper tonight," Eric promised.  "Calleigh, can you guard them?"

"Of course."  She smiled back at them.  "I might even be tempted to not pat the bellies for a bit."  Horatio smiled at the silliness in this situation.  "Do we know who told?"

"Yelina told Stetler and at least her mother," Speed told her.  She whimpered.  "I sent her to Frank with Eric."

"Oh, he was not happy," Eric assured him.  "Let his wife yell at her."

"Does she know?" Horatio asked.

"Not a clue but remember, this is the woman who won't even tell us when Frank's birthday is."

"Good point," Horatio sighed.  "So either Yelina told the wrong person or Stetler did."

Speed gave his hand a squeeze.  "She came over to complain that Stetler got suspended for his shit today."

Horatio nodded.  "I'd heard he had."  He looked at him.  "We can stay in town or not."

"Can we get the time off for not?"

"Yes."  He called the boss. "It's me.  Speed and Calleigh both found surveillance equipment in their house.  We are.  I want far away right now, Chief.  Thank you.  Both of us."  He hung up.  "Airport, Eric.  Then set Calleigh up in an efficiency tonight."

"I packed groceries," Speed offered.  Horatio smiled at that.  "I didn't figure we'd get to run out immediately."

"She can use them."  He took a kiss.  "We'll be fine."

"I hope so."  He gave his hand a squeeze, getting a smile.  "Where?"  Horatio traced letters on his arm, getting a nod.  "That works."  They were dropped off and he carted their bags inside.  "I packed you three suits and some more action oriented clothes too."

"Thank you."  He got them checked in and through security fairly quickly with their badges.  There was a flight leaving in forty minutes and they just made it.  On the way out of the airport he called a well known number.  "Catch me," he said.  "On the flight now."  He hung up.  Then he turned off his phone.  He looked at him.  "It'll be okay."

"I hope so."  He squeezed his hand.  "I don't like having to run to protect myself."

"Me either."  The stewardess gave him an odd look.  "We're moving him into protective custody," he said quietly. "Bad case."   She nodded, she'd keep quiet from that point on. He smiled at Speed then patted his knee.  "Why was your bag so lumpy?"

"Books.  Some clothes.  The research report."  That got a smile.  "I packed your black one, your navy stripe one, and your tan one.  Plus some jeans and things."

"Thank you."  The plane took off and he relaxed.  No feds were on the flight. There wasn't even an air marshal.

***

Mac hung up and looked at his phone then stood up.  "We've got to cut this meeting short.  I just got a plea for help.  Stella, I won't be in tomorrow," he ordered.  "Handle things."  She nodded, going to deal with that.  He walked out, heading for his office.  He needed to pick up some things.  He did check to see which flights were taking off from Miami at that point in time, smiling at where it was coming in.  He could do that.  He'd get there just about as it landed too.  He hurried out, taking his personal car.  By the time they got there he had time to grab a sandwich because he hadn't had dinner yet.  It also calmed him down.  He nodded when Horatio and Speed came off the plane, watching as they went to baggage claim and Speed stopped at a store to get something to eat.  He frowned, watching how they walked.  He caught up with them once they came out of the secure section.  "What's going on, guys?"  He didn't want to mention the extra weight Horatio was carrying.  Something was seriously off about both of them and he was feeling very strange, but protective.  Highly protective.

"Wherever we're going, Mac," Horatio said quietly.  "It's a bad case."  That got a nod, he understood that, and walked them out to his car, even taking one of the bags.

"Thanks for putting up with us," Speed said quietly.

"Not an issue.  You guys are good and should be protected."  Once they were in the car he looked at them.  "Are you two okay?  Healthy and things?"  Speed dug out the research report and handed it over.  He read it then gaped in horror.  They both nodded.  "No."

"Unfortunately we can't deny it.  We've even done the paternity," Horatio told him.  "They used partner samples."

"So we're both knocked up by Eric," Speed finished.  "Then again, we're also under death threat because someone's got a big mouth."

Mac handed it back.  "I'm...."  Horatio picked up Mac's hand and put it on his stomach, making him blink and press.  Then his eyes went wide when he got kicked.  "Holy shit," he said in awe.  "Sorry, shouldn't swear in front of the kids."

"Basically," Horatio agreed, smirking slightly.  "But they're going to shoot us because someone found out."

"Okay, we can guard you guys.  I don't have a problem with this, even if I'm going to get stuck in a thought loop soon."  He backed the car out of the parking spot and headed off, not even using his badge to pay the toll for the parking spot.  That would draw attention to them.  "How far?"

"Late sixth," Speed told him.  "There was a disaster drill.  Two and a half months later, one patrol guy got the flu and had emergency surgery for the stomach cancer he supposedly had."  Mac groaned.

"The agents in charge said they'd destroy the lab, the department, and kill anyone who found out," Horatio finished quietly.  "We found out when we got this very pernicious case of the flu."

"Your OB?"

"Alexx," they said in unison.

Speed grinned.  "She was not amused when she tested us.  She'd heard the rumors of what had really happened. Gave us the tests and an ultrasound that first day.  Horatio passed out when she found the extra heartbeat on me."

"I don't blame him, I would've too," Mac assured him.  Horatio smiled at that.  "Not to be nosy, but how are they getting out?"

"Alexx and a lot of drugs," Speed said firmly.  "Oh, H, the guy who got Ryan during that fertility experiment when he was in college was at the very least family to the guy who got us.  Same last name," he reported.

"It was probably the same person, he changed his first name to avoid lawsuits," Horatio said grimly.  "I know this'll stress you out, Mac."

"Not a problem, Horatio.  Even though I might want to drink later about the thought of it being mine, in some nightmares, but it'll be fine.  Is there anyone besides Alexx I should call?"

"I can do that," Speed promised, pulling out his cellphone and dialing dispatch.  "Hey, is the twin's mother on tonight?  No, I got a message for her from Wolfe."  She grabbed the phone.  "It's Speedle.  Tell Wolfe we're safe.  We're okay.  Act normally and ignore the idiot feds coming.  Exactly.  Just like that.  Do it soon.  Thank you.  Oh, the boys loved Tabitha.  I heard him complaining that they were trying to figure out girl parts as I was leaving."  He smiled and hung up.  "Two of his godchildren have a mother in dispatch.  The baby has one in horse patrol.  He also has one that would love to film the honeymoon bed."  Horatio snickered at that.  "He said she would."  He shrugged and turned off his phone, putting it back into his bag.  He zipped it back up.  "That's my personal copy of the research, Mac."

"I'll make sure I copy it and give it back to you.  Can I tell Stella?  I don't usually keep things this big from her anymore.  She hits me when I do."

"As long as the idiot feds don't find out, I don't care if you tell them about me by shouting it from the Empire State Building," Speed said dryly.  Horatio looked at him.  "Up to the big guy there about his daughter."

"Daughter?" Mac asked, cracking a smile.

"I'm having a girl, he's having a boy," Horatio agreed.  "I'd like to keep this discreet, Mac."

"Of course."  He turned a corner and headed down an off-ramp, heading toward a not so great neighborhood.  He parked in front of a building and got out, looking around.  He found Don Flack waiting on him.  "How did you know I'd come here?"

"Stella said so and I came to get briefed.  You can't sit guard by yourself, Mac."  He shrugged and smiled at the Miami guys.  "Hey, guys.  Let me help."  He grabbed a bag, the others got the others, following Mac up the stairs.  "Stella ordered me to come help Mac guard whoever.  So what's going on?"  Mac handed over the research, making him frown as he read slowly and carefully.  "Am I messing this up totally?"  Speed walked over and took his hand, putting it onto his stomach.   He gaped in horror when he got kicked.  "Holy Mother of God," he whispered, feeling a bit more firmly.  He got kicked again, twice this time.  "Damn."

"Exactly, and now the people who did it are mad that others found out how evil they are," Speed told him.

"Oh, damn."  He gave him a hug.  "It'll be okay.  We'll protect you guys.  I won't tell anyone, I swear!"  He let him go and hugged Horatio, because he was clearly showing too.  "It'll be okay.  Mac, should I get Doc over here by blindfold or not?"

"Tomorrow.  Let them settle in and rest tonight," Mac said calmly.  Don nodded and handed over the research notes.  "First thing in the morning, my office," Mac ordered.  "Tell Stella the same thing and that it's a very large secret.  Of the assassination sort."  That got a nod and he left, closing the door firmly behind him.  Mac looked at him.  "Sorry."

"He's a good detective.  Telling him means he won't sneak around and possibly expose us,"  Speed offered.  "Stella's a very good mommy though."

Mac smiled and nodded. "Very.  Should I get Sheldon up here to look at you two?"  Horatio shrugged.  "Then I'll have him do a discreet call to Alexx tomorrow in case we need anything.  She can brief him about what's going on but not who.  That way if something happens he's warned."

"Thank you, Mac," Horatio said quietly.

"Go sleep, Horatio.  This is a secure area.  Let me turn on the security system."  He turned it on and smiled at him.  "I've got the other set of keys.  There's limited supplies in the cabinet and I can bring over something more than rations and pasta later.  For now, go rest and relax.  There's a great tub in the bathroom."  That got a smile.  "Go.  I've got it, guys."  That got a nod and Speed hefted the bags that way, coming out with a book.  He left them alone, heading back to the station.  He found Don and Stella locked in his office but Stella let him in.  "Go get Sheldon. We're only letting it be known generally in his case."  Don hurried off.  He looked at her.  "The feds have promised to kill everyone with knowledge if this gets out."

"How did it get out down there?"

"I'm guessing but I would think someone who wasn't fully unshocked at first when they were told.  I can ask."

"You got an email from Eric," she admitted.  "I don't know why."

"He's the daddy."  She blinked at that and whimpered.  He let her have the research notes.  "We need to give them back that copy."  She nodded, going to copy it for them and read it as she copied.  He heard her shriek in anger but smiled.  No one was in the labs at the moment.  Well, apparently except Danny.  He waved him inside when he went to see what was wrong with Stella.  "We are protecting a pair of people who are under assassination threat.  You're not going to be told anything unless it's fully necessary.  Am I clear?"

"I get that.  If you need me, let me know," he agreed.  "Stella?"

"She jumped in."

"She's good at that," he agreed with a grin.  He saw Don and Sheldon coming up the hall.  "Doc and Flack?"

"She sent Flack and we need Sheldon slightly informed but on-call."

"Okay, let me know if I need ta help, Mac."  He wrote out a list and handed it over with his wallet.  "Groceries?  Sure."  He went to do that.  "Hey, guys.  Stella's in the copy room."

Don let Sheldon into the office and went to get Stella, who was kicking a wall.  "They're at the kicking stage too," he offered quietly.  She smiled at him.  "Come on, I've got Doc and Danny headed off with a list for Mac."

"Sure."  She finished making the copies and followed him, making sure she had all the sheets in order.  She handed Mac the originals and then Sheldon the other ones. "You'll want to sit, Sheldon."

He read it, sitting down scowling.  He looked at Mac.  "Someone did this to people!  On purpose!  To men?"

"Someone did this to cops without their consent," Mac said quietly.  Don closed the door.  "Two cops that I know of."  Sheldon gaped in horror.  "We're protecting them.  The wrong person found out and they're under death threat.  Unless we need you, we only need you briefed and able to do something if and when it becomes necessary."

"How far?"

"Late sixth," Mac told him.

"Kicking and smooshing around in there," Don told him.  "I felt one."  That got a smile for him.

"We'll need you to call Doctor Woods down in Miami," Mac instructed.  "She's handling it quietly down there."  That got a nod.  "She's allowed to give you generalities but not specifics unless it's necessary."

"Okay.  I can do that.  I'll do that now."  He handed them back to Stella and headed out to call her from a sealed lab.

Mac looked at Stella.  "They're on Regal."

"I saw.  That's why I sent Don.  Who?"

"Speed said we can tell you about him, but the other wanted some anonymity," Mac told her quietly.  She nodded at that.  "I can also tell you that they used a partner's DNA for the second, paternal, sample.  They're both pregnant by Delko."  She whimpered.  "They're fine."

"So the other's Horatio?" she asked quietly.  He nodded quickly.  "Oh, damn."

"That was my reaction," Don agreed, patting her on the back.  "You sit guard tonight and I'll get tomorrow since I'm off?" Don asked.  Mac nodded.  "Okay.  Danny?"

"I sent him out to get groceries since he was still here for some reason.  I told him we're guarding someone but I'm excluding him unless it's fully necessary."  He heard something break and winced.  "Sheldon's not happy."

Don stuck his head out the door, then looked at Mac again.  "That was a door.  Cracked the wall.  Doc?"  He came out of the lab.   "You good?"

"No!"  He scowled.  He came back. "Mac, the others are hiding.  The agents in charge are already hunting."

"That's fine.  I'm sure Horatio covered his tracks as well as he could."  That got a nod and he left again.  He looked at his lieutenants.  "We good?"  They nodded so he left, going to get the groceries from Danny and his wallet, getting a smile and a nod.  "Go home.  I'll see you the day after tomorrow."

"Sure, remember to call if you need me, Mac."  He walked off, going for the subway so he could go home.

Mac went back to the apartment, going to stock things for them.  Speed let him in, getting a smile for the chips and gardetos snack mix Danny had picked up besides the other food.  "Alexx told Sheldon that the feds are looking.  He said she told him the others are hiding."

"Good.  Thank you."  That got a nod and Mac handed him the groceries.   "We'll stay out of sight, Mac."

"Thanks, guys.  Be safe and rest.  That's the best advice I can give you."  He left, making sure the door was closed behind him.  Then he went to sit guard on the building that night.

***

Ryan walked in the next morning, smiling at Alexx and kissing her on the cheek.  "Have I told you yet that my godchildren are all happily playing today at some day camp?"  She smiled and shook her head.  He handed her a picture and she smiled at the picture of the people she knew and was treating among his many godchildren.  "Yeah, they like me," he said with a grin.  "Every year I feel like Santa."  He took the picture back and winked.  "So if you get a call out that way, let me know?"

"Of course I will, Ryan.  Are you okay?"

"I didn't get much sleep.  The unholy Stargate terrors were over last night with Tabby."  She giggled at that. "Tabby's mother had a date so I got to babysit.  The unholy terrors settled in to nap on the couch after a Law and Order marathon.  They root for different cops but they love the chase scenes."  She laughed at that, swatting him on the arm.  "Can't start them too early," he said dryly, winking at her.  "Anyway, I'm here.  Calleigh's here.  Eric looks like warmed up crap.   Let us know if you need us.   I heard Speed and H are off today."  He walked off, going to find Eric and hand him the picture.  "Some of my godkids are out playing together today.  Pretty soon I'm going to have a whole small people cult to me."  Eric smiled and handed it back.  "One's daddy was not amused by the plans but he understood that it got them at least a free day."

"My sisters like that idea too.  They drop the kids off on our mother."  That got a grin.  "H and Speed?"

Ryan grinned.  "I heard they had the day off.  Oh, I need to find a new copy of the last season of Law and Order.  Know a good DVD place?"

"I do," he agreed, writing it out.  "You watch that?"

"No, the unholy Stargate twins do.  One roots for one cop, one roots for the other.  The one who was rooting for Logan pouted for weeks when he got taken off the show.  The other is a big fan of the old guy; when he died and didn't come back he pouted for months on end.  Doesn't like the guy that took over."

"They're how old?"

"Three.  Sam and Daniel.  Can't stand Stargate but their mommy loves it."

Eric smiled.  "How many godchildren do you have?"

"Seventeen and one possibly on the way since one had an anniversary of her divorce last night."  Eric whimpered so he smirked.  "See, I told you I'd have a small people cult to me some day soon."

"I can't handle five nieces and nephews," he said in awe.

"I only see them all on the same day during holidays, Eric.  Otherwise I think the record is babysitting six on the same day."  He shuddered. "It's cool.  They colored.  Everywhere but they colored.  My OCD loves baby messes.  It's like it giggles at each small mess because it gets to straighten things up so I don't have to clean already clean things again."  He patted him on the back and walked off looking less upset but more scared.  He grinned at Calleigh and the Chief, winking at her.  "My godchildren are mostly having a day off together today."

"I heard."  She gave him a hug.  "Good job," she whispered.  She looked at the Chief.  "You remember Ryan Wolfe, right?"

"I do."  He shook his hand.  "I know Horatio and Speedle have today off.  Will you need to pull people?"

"Depends on how long they're gone for," Ryan said with a small shrug.  "Otherwise we might be able to handle it for a while.  If not, can we have Duerdson from swing?"

Calleigh smiled.  "She's more fussy than you."

"Exactly, so Eric can pick on her," Ryan agreed happily.  She giggled and nodded.

"I'll have her reassigned temporarily while they're out on medical leave," the Chief agreed.  "Thank you, Mr. Wolfe."

He showed him the picture. "These are only *some* of my godchildren, sir."

He gaped in horror then at him.  "You poor boy."

Ryan grinned.  "It's fun.  My OCD loves to see them come over.  Gives us new messes to clean up when everything's spotless."  He walked off shaking his head.  Ryan tucked the picture into his wallet and looked at her.  "It does."

"I'm sure it does.  I met the Stargate twins this morning."

"They're big Law and Order fans."  She giggled and swatted at him, going back to work.  "They are," he defended, following her.  She gave him a look.  "I'm clear and Eric's somewhere.  He walked off scared because I babysat six on the same day.  I'm good to help you."

"Sure."  They got to work together.

***

Stella knocked on the apartment's door later that next night, smiling at the boys.  "Hi, guys.  I brought take out."

"I love you," Horatio sighed, pulling her inside and taking the bag.  "Shrimp?"

"Spicy since Mac said one of you snuck out for hot peppers and ice cream."  She smiled and hugged Speed.  "Hi, dear."

"Hi, Stella.  Long time no phone call."

"Cases, you know."

"Oh, I do," he assured her, smiling at her.  She looked him over so he sighed and rolled his eyes but lifted his t-shirt.  "Ooooh."  She stroked his stomach, smiling when she got kicked.  "Alexx said she's healthy."

"You'll insult his masculinity," he teased.

"Ah, she didn't give names.  Just patient one and patient two."  She kissed him on the cheek and went to dish them out some food.  "Okay, so let's go over what's been going on so far, guys."  They settled in to chat and talk, smiling when Mac came over later.  "How are things?"

"Good.  Someone found a body that did relate back to us so Delko and I could talk legitimately."  He settled into a chair, snatching a bit of extra broccoli off Horatio's plate.  "Eric said his mother's about ready to scream at him for not following."

"She's decided we're marrying him," Speed said, giving him a look.  Stella giggled.  "He gives good backrubs."

"Which is an important skill," Mac agreed, smiling at them.  He looked at Horatio.  "Calleigh ended up borrowing a person from swing shift that Ryan Wolfe recommended.  Said she was more fussy than he was so Delko would leave him alone.  They're handling it and it's all going well so far.  The feds who invaded the lab today are not happy that you weren't there to meet and threaten them like usual.  You're both on injury leave at the moment."  They nodded at that. "Calleigh said to stay hidden.  She also suggested I send you guys some jerky, garlic sauce, and sweets."

"I'm craving sweets," Speed admitted.  "I forgot to pack the candy."

"We can have it mailed up to Mac," Horatio soothed.

"Eric said he did.  He shipped it up to the lab."  That got smiles.  "Also, he said he shipped some other clothes because he didn't think Speed packed enough suits."

"Any idea who spilled it?"

"Stetler," Mac said simply.

"Who Yelina told," Horatio sighed.

"Oh, she's suspended at the moment as well," Mac assured them.  "Eric said she threw a fit in the hallway with the Chief but he shoved her into an interrogation room to get her calmed down and told her if she spoke another word he was taking her badge.  She quit complaining at that."  Horatio just nodded.  "Your nephew called."  He passed over the message.  "He did say he'd go water plants and things."

"He's a good boy," Horatio agreed, reading the simple message of 'be safe and I'll make my mother sorry for you'.  He handed it to Speed.  "He thought it was creepy but cool in it's own way and he'd be more than happy to beat his cousin's suitors off her."

Stella beamed.  "It's good that he's got such a flexible mind.  He'll make a good CSI."

"He will," Horatio agreed.  Speed sniffled and he patted his hand.  "It'll be okay.  Ray even promised to babysit."

Speed looked at him.  "Good.  That'll help.  He'll probably have to fight grandma but that's good.  The other guys?"

"They're safe.  The word you got back to Wolfe got through to the others; they're in hiding as well," Mac assured them.  "He sent them off with some of his many godchildren for the day and they hid from there."

"Sure," Speed agreed, smiling a bit.  "Now what?"

"Someone did come hunting for you," Stella told them.

"We're not sure if they're an assassination squad or a protection squad," Mac finished.  "Either way, you're more than welcome to be protected up here."  That got some smiles.  "Are you keeping them?"  They both nodded.  "Then I'm happy and you'll be good, if tired, fathers in a few months."

"Very tired," Horatio agreed, yawning a bit.  "Sorry."

"Most women nap like kittens at this stage," Stella told him.  "They keep going until they suddenly fall down and nap."  He smiled at that.  "You can nap.  We won't mind.  I'll get to help you guys pick out reasonable names."

"No Shaniqua?" Speed teased.

"Eww, no!  Especially not for Eric's kids."  He laughed, swatting her on the arm.  "Please?"

"His mother would get pissed," he assured her.  "I'm thinking something more classical."

"Classical names are always good," Horatio agreed.  "Eric wanted something completely bland.   His mother emailed me a list of names she liked.  You probably have one of those as well."  He got up.  "Excuse me but I hear the siren's call of the bed."

"Go," Mac agreed, smiling at his back as he walked off.  He looked at Speed, who stole the rest of Horatio's dinner.  "Eat, Speed.  You both need it."

"I keep thanking God it's not twins," he told him.

"I'm just happy it's not mine," Mac assured him.

"Calleigh asked if she was the daddy," he offered with a grin.

"That's a bit too strange even for you guys," Stella teased.

"We thought it'd fit this whacked out version of insanity we're in," he told her, eating another bite afterward.  He frowned and got up to get something from the fridge, putting some honey over it. "Better."  He dug in again.  "Stupid candy Eric gave us.  I didn't like honey before he gave us that treat."  He ate another bite.

"Babies can be fussy that way," Stella soothed.  He nodded and finished up, belching a bit.  "Go nap."  Speed grinned and left.  Stella looked at Mac once the bedroom door was closed.  "So."

"So," he agreed, smirking at her.

"That's gotta be on hot bed with the three of them."  Mac got up shaking his head and walked out, closing the door behind him.  She set everything where it should go and headed down to take her watch tonight.  Don was nice enough to have left her food in her car and it was good too.  She settled in to watch, making sure no one snuck up on the cute duo.  No one was touching her niece and nephew.  Even if she did live in another state she could dote on them.  The boys wouldn't mind and if they did, she'd fuss and whine and pout until they gave up under threat of her teaching it to their kids.

***

Eric looked at his parents a few days later, watching his mother fret.  "They're fine, Momma," he assured her.  "They're safe from the idiots in the government.  They went to someone who can protect them both."  They knew where Horatio had gone.  It's not like he could've went to visit his friends in Las Vegas.  They couldn't protect either of them.  So they had to be in New York, where Horatio had started on the force.  He had a lot of friends up there to this day.  Especially one hyper-protective Marine.  He stopped her and made her sit down, making her look at him.  "They're fine."

"Someone else is protecting your children.  This doesn't bother you?" his father asked.

"No.  They're protected better than I can."

"Still," his mother complained.

"Momma, it's not like they came to be the natural way," he complained.  "If they had, I'd have remembered it hopefully!"  She frowned at him and he glared back.  "Momma, I'm not going to demand more than visitation and helping when they need it.  For all of us.  Someone used me like a sex toy and milked me. They put it into them without any of us consenting.  What makes you think they want me around?"  She gave him a horrified look.  "For all purposes, the agents raped them, Momma.  They used me to do it.  I'm lucky we're still friends and they don't hold it against me."  He stared her down.  "So yes, if they feel more protected with someone else, I'm not going to complain.  Those may be my children but it's their lives at stake.  The agents will shoot them.  Probably after taking the children and hurting them more.  The same way they did when you were a girl."  His mother stomped off.  "I'm sorry, but unless they invite me I'm not part of what they have," he called after her.  He sat down, looking at his father.  "Can you not nag me too?"

His father looked at him.  "You're in a difficult spot, son.  It's good that you're taking responsibility even though you had no hand in them coming to be.  We would like for them to be closer to the family and your mother would like some sort of commitment so they can't up and move away with the grandchildren," he offered.

"I'm sure that's what the visitation agreement will be for, Poppi.  I love them like they're family but they're not with me and even if she wanted it, it's not legal to be a trio."

"Point.  That's about the only other thing that's working in your favor.  If she could, she'd be telling your sisters to have them nag and coo over the future niece and nephew."  Someone dropped something and they both looked over.  "Marisol."

"You cannot tell," Eric warned.  "It was done by some evil bastard in a lab and they hurt the mothers."  She went pale and nodded.  "I mean it.  If you say a word, they'll be killed."  She sat down, looking at him.  "They both know, Mari."

"Who?" she asked weakly.

"I can't tell you until they're born.  Momma and Poppi both know."  She nodded more quickly at that and stood up, giving him a hug.  "Not one word, Marisol.  Promise me.  There's already people trying to kill them."

"I won't," she whispered.  "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine.  I was drugged out of my mind when they got me and them."  She nodded, sitting next to him.  He squeezed her hand.  "It's all right.  We're still friends and it'll be okay."  She smiled at that.  "You'll have a niece and a nephew in three months or so if they stay safe."  That got a brighter smile.  "But you still can't warn the others, you can't tell a soul.  Not even the family priest."

She nodded. "I won't.  Are they okay?"

"They're fine, they had to run from the federal agents," their father assured him.  "Marisol's here," he called.  Their mother came out to fuss over her.  "She overheard but she's promised not to say anything."

"Good!  We want the new grandchildren to be safe and well when they come out."  She got to work making dinner.  "Eric, are you sure?"

"Momma, if you push they're going to send me away totally," he warned.  "They're not the sort I usually like and they know that."  She nodded, pressing her lips together.  "Besides, it's not like I can legally have them both.  You'd have to choose."

"Marisol could have the other one," his father joked.

"They would throw fits if they heard you say that," Eric said with a smirk.  "But I'll tell them you suggested it."

"Then one could be in the church," his father teased back.

"Yup, and only one's Catholic," he taunted back with an even more evil smirk.  "Sorry, won't happen, Poppi."

"Are they pretty girls?" she asked.

Eric looked at her.  "When they're born you'll get to meet both mothers.  They promised we could have visitation and all that."

She beamed.  "Good!  Even though they were hurt it shows that your friends still love you, even though you are the reason they're eating strange things."

"I made them a lot of the honey candy," he said with a grin.  His mother gave him a hug.  "I know you're disappointed, Momma.  I'm sorry."

"No, you're right. It's not fair to force them that way," she agreed, putting plates down in front of all of them.  "We do need to do a welcoming party and arrange for their baptism."

"Talk to their mothers.  One's not Catholic."

"I'll do that the next time we talk."  She kissed him on the head and went back to her bedroom.  She had Eric's baby book in there and she was remembering what a holy terror he was.  She came back out.  "Eric, would you please talk to your nephew Joseph?"

"Sure, Momma.  Why?"

"He's found a girl he's interested in and I'm afraid he'll take up like you did, dear."  She went back to his baby book, leaving him giggling and snickering into his dinner.

"Sure, I'll talk to him later tonight," he called after her.  Mari swatted him but ate another bite of dinner.

***

Eric walked up to where Wolfe was the next morning, staring at him.  "My nephew's girlfriend has a picture of you."

"I know that."  He didn't even look up from his microscope.

"Why?"  He gave him a slight shove when he didn't answer. "Wolfe.  Why?"

Ryan grinned.  "One of my older godchildren is dating him."  He beamed.  "She's a sweet young lady.   Already introduced us."  Eric stared and slowly started to shake his head, so Ryan took off at a brisk walk, going to hide behind Calleigh.  "He found out my godchild is dating his nephew."

"Go into the firing pen," she said with a smirk.  He went to duck into there.  She watched the clock, then went to find Eric, who was still staring at the same spot and shaking his head.  "It's his godchild, Eric.  Not like it's his daughter."  Eric gave her an evil look and stomped off to find him.  "I sent him out to do something."  He growled and headed for the parking lot.  She went to have Ryan sneak out another doorway so they wouldn't have to clean up any blood.  It was always so messy and the special cleaners made her skin dry.  When Eric hadn't come back in an hour she paged Frank to let him know.  He sent back a groan but Eric didn't reappear so she went to hunt him down.  "Eric, if you need to go out and, well, you know, find someone at lunch so you come back in a better mood, I don't mind.  Just don't be too late, don't use a hummer, don't get caught if you pay for it, and don't bring her back here," she said, patting him on the arm.

He gave her a confused look. "What?"

"That's what Speed said he sends you out to do when you're having a bad day like you are today so I'm trying to be understanding."  Eric looked up then at the nearby planters, then at her.  "What are you doing?"

"Looking for a camera."  He looked at her necklace again then at her.  "That's a pretty new piece."

"I've had it for four years, Eric, you're unobservant about your coworkers.  Horatio likes it."

"Uh-huh."  He walked off shaking his head. "That's a running joke between me and Speed but I'll tell him you suggested it."

"At least then you'd quit being so cranky and leaving me all the work," she shot back.  He wandered back toward the lab, looking a bit pouty. She looked up.  "Soon, please?" she requested. "Without giving them problems?"  She went back inside, finding Ryan logging in evidence.  "Where did you go?"

"You told me to go find a crime scene, I found three!"

Eric walked in and looked at the various piles then at him.  "Don't feel bad, she just suggested I go find a hooker."

"I'd have to steam clean any of the ones I hired," Ryan muttered.  "Not an option."

She walked off muttering and sent a text message to Stella in New York.  She was sure, even though no one had told them anything, that the boys were hiding somewhere up there, which meant that Mac *had* to know, because Horatio was polite enough to let him know he was hiding on his turf.  Besides, Mac was protective and would protect her future godchildren like she would.  He'd shoot someone in the nuts for touching either mother.

***

Stella looked at her phone then snorted and called the house phone where Horatio and Speed were. "Calleigh said, and I quote, the boys are playing.  Eric's mad that Ryan's gc is dating his nephew.  She suggested what Speed tells Eric all the time, he went looking for a camera, and sending Ryan out to find a scene to get him away from Eric means he comes back with three."  She hung up and looked at Sheldon, who was giving her an odd look.  "Passing on a message."

"I heard."  He glanced at Lindsey then back at her.  "I should probably do a check soon," he said quietly.

"I'll see if they feel that comfortable tonight."

He smiled.  "Thanks.  Are they okay?"

"Just fine.  We fed them last night."  Sheldon grinned and went back to work.

***

Horatio hung up and looked at Speed.  "Eric's annoyed Calleigh enough she suggested he go find a hooker."

Speed snickered. "Good girl," he said happily.  He finished typing in the information to the paypal account.  Then he hit send.  It set up with the amount of money he wanted.  He set it to pay an slightly more anonymous account that Mac had set up so they could have some ready cash handy.  Then he let Horatio do the same.  "There we go, Mac."

"Thanks, guys."  He grinned.  "What else was passed up?"

"Eric's pissed that Ryan's godchild is dating Eric's nephew," Horatio offered with a smile.  "She said Eric went looking for a camera when she suggested that.  She sent Ryan out of harm's way and he came back with three new scenes.  Little things that would be driving me nuts down there."

"It is the little things that make sure you need a nap but do make life more interesting and full," Mac said with a grin for them.  "How's your new guy?"

"Good," Horatio offered.  "We never told him but he figured it out."

"He has seventeen godchildren," Speed said with a grin.  "He snuck gift cards on us. He knew one of the other guys that got hit so we're feeding him information."

"It was more than just you two?"

"They originally hit fifteen," Horatio said quietly.  "There's six others who're still pregnant.  Two're having twins."

"Alexx is wobbling on having fun as the ME.   She still wants to beat the crap out of someone and do it to them, but she did say it was fun watching us go through with this.  Especially the food cravings."  Mac smiled at that.  "It's like they're all going to be her grandbabies.  She made me promise to let her babysit during the last mod swing I had."

"Then she's handling this better than I am.  I'm still bothered by them doing this."

"There's evidence that either this person or someone in his family did another fertility experiment a few years back but it robbed them of all ability to produce sperm after three months time," Speed offered quietly.   Mac shuddered.  "Besides, if we were in your lab, we'd have to put up with a righteous female crusade.  Monroe seems like the sort."

"Very much so," Mac agreed, smirking at them.  "She's already put out that she's out of the loop.  She's staying out of the loop."  He patted Speed on the hand then checked his paypal account. He transferred the money to his personal bank account and got up.  "Give me a day to cash that out for you, guys.  Need anything?"

"No, we're good.  Thank you, Mac," Speed said with a grin.

"Thank you, Mac," Horatio agreed, smiling slightly.  "Feel free to consult us if you need to.  Speed only brought ten books, he'll be bored soon."

"I'll do that."  He left, heading for his office.  Stella was back and smiling because he was.  "They're fine."

"Good!  Sheldon wanted to know about doing check-ups.  He thinks they're probably about due."

Mac sat down to write them an email, smiling at the nearly instant response.  "Horatio said they're fine.  He'd rather wait to see if this clears up in a few more weeks."

"I'll let him know."  She smirked.  "Food cravings?"

"The other did have pixie sticks and peanut butter for lunch."  She walked out giggling.  He smiled and checked his email account, then got back to work.  Setting them up with 'john smith' email accounts hadn't been that hard and that way they could chat with the people down in their own lab.  Horatio missed his insanity.  He was just glad it stayed down there most of the time.  If that experiment had been started in New York they'd have to stop a hunt for the lives of every Fed in the city and out.  Then again, they didn't have someone like Alexx to mother them and let them cry on her either.  Sheldon leaned in.  "Problem?"

"Can I bat someone?"

"Foam.  Otherwise you'd look bad in prison attire."  He looked at him.  "Who?"

"Lindsey."

"For?"

Sheldon took a step inside.  "For bugging Stella about the text she received and then how she made a cryptic phone call from the scene."  He gave him a look.  "I don't want her near them," he said quietly.  "She'd never quit talking.  She'd endanger them.  Her shriek alone when she figured it out would bring them from Miami."  Mac nodded.  "Can I just tell her we're guarding someone who's under death threat?"

"I will."  Sheldon smiled and left.  He paged Lindsey.  She leaned in with a smile a few minutes later.  "Come here."  She walked in and stood in front of him.  He looked up.  "Lindsey, you're asking questions that is bordering on a protection detail some of us are on," he said quietly.  She looked horrified.  "You are not part of it, we are not telling you anything about it, and I'm sorry but you'd upset the people we're guarding."

"I'm the nice one."

"It does not matter.  Their lives are in danger from assassination threat.  Drop it."

"Yes, Mac.  If you need me to I can help."

"No, you can't.   In this case only very highly trained officers can."

"But Sheldon...."

"Was an ME and we need the medical support for one of them.  That is all the information  you're getting.  Please respect the silence before it gets them killed."

"Sure, Mac.  I'll do that.  You might want to make Stella less obvious."

"She's not obvious.  She was passing on a family message to someone.  It had nothing to do with that.  It was a friend from another lab."

"Oh."  She nodded and stood straighter.  "Okay, but if you need me you can call on me."

"I will."  She nodded and headed out.  He shook his head.  "I'd get their girl up here first," he assured himself.  "I'd let the idiots Don works with help before then."  He checked his email and smiled at the lack of incoming problems.  Just a bit of spam from the head office.

He could ignore those memos.  He often did unless they were addressed to him or the lab personally.

***

It was nearly a month before anything new happened.  The guys were bored, very bored, but they kept in contact with the few people who were keeping them sane: Calleigh, Ray Junior, Eric so his mother would quit nagging him.  They had both sent the woman emails about how they liked her son as a *friend* and they were still very wary of moving beyond that to get him off the hook.  Speed was typing something to Ryan when he grabbed his stomach and bent down.  "Crap!"

"Speed?"  Horatio came over to look, helping him to a softer chair.  He felt his stomach, frowning.  "Kicked?"  Speed shook his head.  "What is it?"

"I'm not sure that's not a labor pain," he ground out.

"Okay.  Let me call Mac.  He'll get Sheldon here."  He found the phone and did that.  "Mac, me.  Speed just had a labor pain.  Please.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "He'll have Don drive him over," he promised, coming back to help him through this.  "It'll be okay.  We'll deal with this too," he promised, getting up to let them in when someone knocked.  "Sheldon."

"You're not the ones I expected," Sheldon admitted.  "But okay."  He came over to check Speed.  "Was it a tearing pain or a pushing pain?  A pressure and squeezing pain?"

"Pressure and squeezing," Speed said, coming down off it.  "I don't want those."

"Some mothers have practice labor for months," he offered, giving him a small smile.  "Let's see what I can figure out."  He slowly and gently pressed in the various muscle groups.  The baby kicked him a few times.  "He's not happy."  He moved on and nodded.  "That felt like a practice contraction but we can make sure when the next one happens."

"I have to have more?"

"She's just barely into her eighth month, Speed," Horatio said quietly.  "She'd be in an incubator if she delivered now."

"I know."  He shifted and groaned, holding onto his stomach.  Sheldon found where the pain was and worked on getting it out.  "Are these real ones?"

"Braxton-Hicks."  Speed glared at him.  "Practice labor."  He kissed him on the forehead.  "Alexx said to do that the next time I saw you," he offered with a grin.  "She did say she had delivered one already and they were doing all right.  The baby had to be shocked into a normal sinus rhythm again."  They both stared.  "Birth was not fun and the mother had just gotten into a fight with his partner."  That got dual nods.  "I do want to find an ultrasound I can borrow, just in case.  If they get heavier, more regular, or if he feels like he's bleeding, I need to know immediately.  Come here, Horatio."  He checked his baby over too.  "We feel all right."

"She's been quiet today," he said quietly.

"Good!  That's a good indicator of sleeping regularly later."  Horatio smiled at that.  "Some kids just don't."  He shrugged.  "Let me call around, see if I can find an ultrasound or kick everyone out of the morgue tonight to use ours."  That got dual nods. "Speed, go take a warm bath, that could help some."  He nodded and let Don help him up and into the bathroom.  He looked at Horatio.  "Good instincts.  At the first real one or the second real one I need to hear.  After all, not like you guys came with an opening."  That got a simple nod.  "Good.  I've also got some local anesthesia already plus prescription privileges for after the birth."  Horatio really smiled at that.  "I'll make it as painless as I can, Horatio."

"Thank you, Sheldon."

"Not a problem.  If this was me, I'd be screaming and ranting at God."

"I got over that a few months back."

"Good."  Don came out.  "He settled in?"

"Water's running nice and warm, he put in some bubbles.  We're good?"

"I need to find an ultrasound or clear the morgue tonight to use ours."  He called Mac from the apartment phone.  "Mac, me.  Looks like practice labor.  I still need the ultrasound."  He smiled.  "Doing some routine maintenance is a good thing," he agreed.  "We can do that.  Sure."  He hung up.  "Mac said we can do routine maintenance," he said, using finger quotes, "and pull it out tonight."  That got a smile.  "Now, go spoil him.   Then yourself."  Horatio nodded, going to do that.  "Come on, Don.  We're needed back."

"Of course.  Guys, if you need anything, call us," he reminded Horatio.  "Please."  He walked Sheldon out, making sure the door was shut and locked behind him.  "You okay?"

"I swore at God on their behalf when I found out," he admitted quietly.  "Right now I'm in awe.  They're both going to be strong and hopefully healthy."  He slid into the passenger's seat.  "What's up back at the office?"

"Danny and Monroe got into it.  She decided to mention Sonny and I need to calm him down.  Mac shoved him into the locker room and locked him in there while he went to talk to her."  Sheldon moaned so Don smiled and started the car, then he looked around.  "Tell me, does that look like a parabolic dish to you?" he asked, nodding at something.

"It does.  Very interesting.  Cuffs?"

"Of course.  You?"  Sheldon shook his head so Don opened his glove box.  "Here, borrow a set."  He got out and headed that way, hand on his gun.  "You start that car and I'm shooting you," he said when he saw the guy with the dish move.  "Get out of the car!  Now!"  The man looked stunned. "Right the hell now!"  The man started to move.  "Open it from the outside, put the dish down, buddy."  Sheldon moved up on the other side, gun drawn.  "If I have to repeat myself you're going to be a sorry bastard in booking!  Now!"  The dish got put down and the guy walked out, hands in clear sight.  "Who're you?"

"Who're you?"

"NYPD.  Answer mine or else."

"I'm Agent...."  He looked around at the sound of a gunshot.

Don checked then nodded.  "Call that in, Sheldon.  It sounded like a diversion in the alley."  Sheldon pulled out his phone to do that.  Don moved closer and grabbed the guy, spinning him around against the car so he could cuff him.  "You can talk to the boss."  He checked the car and then gave the guy a shove toward his own.  Sheldon gathered the surveillance gear, putting it into the trunk for now.  They locked the other car and drove the guy back to the station.  "Mac!"  He looked over and groaned.  "Found this putz using a parabolic dish on an apartment."

"I'm DEA," he complained.

"I don't give a shit!  Doc put his gear in my trunk."

"Put him in my office.  We'll talk to him in a few.  Sheldon, get that...."  Sheldon went to get the gear for him.  "Thank you, Don.  Danny's calmed down since then."

"Usually he burns hot then seethes.  Should be an interesting night."

"Are you with this person?" the agent sneered.

Don looked at him.  "Don't make me shoot you.  I'm already having a bad day."  The agent looked stunned.  "What?  Think Mac would tell on me?  Probably not."  He shoved him into the office and closed the door.  "Sit down!"  He looked at Mac.  "It looked like it was pointing at the building but lower," he said quietly.

"We'll see."  He accepted the box of stuff from Sheldon, frowning at it.  "Let's hope it's self-taping."  He walked into his office and shut the door, locking it so he could put things down onto his desk and look them over further.  Then he patted the guy down to find his wallet and ID case.  He put them down in front of him.  "I have two witnesses in protection in that building," he said quietly.  "You are endangering them.  They are under assassination threat."  The man shrugged as best he could.  "Who's your target?"  The man gave him a look.  "You can cooperate or I can arrest you.  Nowhere in here is a valid warrant for spying.  You also verbally assaulted one of the detectives I work with.  The choice is yours."

"I'm not saying a thing until my boss gets here."

"That's your right."  He dialed the local DEA office.  "It's Taylor, let me speak to the boss," he ordered. "Yes, him or her if she's in.  Thank you."  It was an incredibly short hold before a charming female voice came on.  "Don't be so happy to hear from me, Belinda.  I have one of your boys here in my office in cuffs.  No valid warrant on him to spy, spying on a building where I've got two witnesses under death threat.  Mouthed off to me and Flack."  He smirked.  "Exactly.  Yup, him.  I would, yes.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "She'll be right down."  He went pale.   He sat down to log in the equipment and check for tapes.  "Where does it feed back to?"

"No comment."

"Fine."  He finished that sheet and started on the report so he wouldn't have to do it later.  Someone knocked so he looked over and smiled at Danny, getting one back.  "Excuse me for a moment."  He got up to unlock it.  "You better?"

"Much.  Don just called her a know-it-all bitch."  He grinned.  "Can I help?"

"Not yet.  Make sure the DEA agents get in here and only here."

"Sure thing, Mac.  Your witnesses good?  Don's looking awfully down."

"He's fine," he promised, giving him a gentle smile.  "Go play door guard for a while then get back to work."

"Actually, I was about to log out for the day," he admitted, "but I can do that."  He strolled off, it was always a good day when Mac got to threaten feds.

***

Ryan smiled at the email he printed off, taking it over to Calleigh's desk to show her.  She smiled at the all caps at the end and handed it back.  "Where is Delko?"

"Off helping his sister today."  She gave him a look.  "How are the godkids?"

"Doing just fine.  Same as usual.  The one who wanted to be a junior thug got talked out of it within minutes thanks to me and some reality.  They decided BET and rap music was lame after that. Eric needs to talk to his nephew about dating two girls at once.  Her mother caught the trio in bed."  She shuddered.  "I got to hear allllll about it last night."

"Call him, let him know now.  Does his sister know?"

"I don't know.  Her mother wasn't coherent enough to do more than scream and spit for over an hour.  She called me doing that but I'm on speed dial.  All I got was the screaming and spitting.  When I got there she was still screaming and hissing at the kids, who were locked in the bedroom together and all shirtless."  He called Eric, putting it on speaker on his cellphone, laying it on the table in front of him.

"Delko," a tired male voice answered.  "Wolfe, if this is you I'm shooting you."

"You can try," he said dryly.  "Calleigh's still better.  Does your sister know that your nephew was in bed with two girls last night?"

"Excuse me?" Eric demanded.  "My nephew was *what*?"

"Yeah, the godchild who's dating your nephew was found in her bed with him and one of her friends.  All shirtless.  Her mother was only able to scream and spit at the kids.  By the time I got there they all looked pretty scared but also pretty tired.  I dropped your nephew and the girl off at home and I've already talked to her mother.  I'm not getting near your scary sisters however so I'm letting you have the chance to show your nephew why having two girls is wrong.  I figured you'd know," he finished with an evil little smirk.

"Not for many years, not since I dated twins," Eric admitted.  "That was back when I was a young kid too.  I'll talk to him today."

"Thanks.  By the way, remind him she's grounded.  She's looking at military school in Kansas for her at the moment."

"Sure, I can do that," Eric agreed.  "Thank you for not telling my sister.  I'd have to have that talk with him anyway, but he'd be bruised and whimpering in his closet by the time she got done with him.  Later, kids."  He hung up and groaned, going to take a shower and get ready for the day.  He grabbed a protein shake on his way out the door, drinking it on his way to where his nephew should be hiding.  Because he was sure he wasn't in school today.  He pulled up and looked over, then grimaced, rolling down his window.  "Raymond Caine Junior, get yours and my nephew's ass in this car right the hell now!" he demanded.  Ray flinched and looked.  "Right the fuck now!  Both of you.  You run, nephew, and I will tell your mother where you were last night!"  They both slunk over, getting into the back.  "Thank you.  Ray, why are you skipping school?" he asked, heading off again.

"Boredom.  Stupid teachers.  The usual."

"Your uncle's going to be pissed."

"How is he?"

"Good.  I can let you call him while I beat the crap out of my nephew for having two girls in the same bed last night."

Ray looked at his buddy.  "You are *so* the man," he joked.

"Thanks.  She wanted to see if she liked girls or guys."  He shrugged then slumped down when his uncle glared back at him.  "Are you going to tell Momma?"

"You're going to be lucky if I don't tell your mother and my mother, nephew."

"Yes, Uncle Eric.  Can we talk about girls?"

"Yes, we will be.  Both of you.  For a very long time."  They both sighed and nodded.  "You both could've come to me before this, guys.  Really."

"Uncle H does pretty good telling me about stuff," Ray offered.  "It's just he hasn't been here and my girlfriend's a ho."

"Sometimes that happens at your age," he admitted.

"She's eighteen, Eric."

Eric stopped the car and looked back at him.  "You're fourteen, your girlfriend is eighteen?"  He grinned and nodded.  "How?"  He ignored the honking people.

"I'm a Caine.  It runs in the family?" he offered with a cute grin.  Eric gave him a look then groaned and turned back around to drive again, taking them both back to his house so they could call Horatio to let his nephew brag while he had a *long* talk with his own nephew.

***

Horatio hung up and hung his head, shaking it slightly.  "I'm going to kill Ray," he muttered.

"Which one?" Speed asked, looking over at him.

"Both."  He looked at him.  "Ray Junior's dating a college freshman.  He said it comes with being a Caine."  He sat down while Speed giggled.  "Eric's nephew was in bed with two girls at once last night.  They were apparently skipping school together today."

"Did Eric tell his nephew that he'd end up single, pathetic, and lonely like he was if he kept it up?"

"Yup.  Or diseased, dead, and maimed."  He looked at his own lover.  "I'm not letting Eric give her any sex talks."

"Hmmm," Speed said, snickering through his latest mouthful of potato chips.  He finally swallowed.  "You know he's overprotective of his sisters.  No matter how many women he has they have to stay pure."

"Still."  He shook his head then leaned against Speed's side.  "I ache."

"I do too.  It's a good day to ache."  He reached over to stroke over Horatio's lump, getting  a moan.  "My poor man."

"Thank you."  He did the same for Speed, watching him get hard.  "Why did your horny phase stretch longer?"

"Just lucky I guess," he teased.  "Or extra testosterone from the son maybe."  He snuck a kiss, earning a smile.  "Want to go play?"

"You're supposed to be taking it easy."

"I know.  So are you."  Someone knocked so he got up with a groan of strain, holding his back all the way to the door.   He looked then blinked.  "No habla Englais," he said.  He looked at Horatio, who got up and came to look.  Horatio stared while he called Mac.  "You should come see us," he said quietly.  "No, but we've got ghosts."  He hung up and looked at Horatio, who shrugged.  Horatio opened the door then punched the guy standing there before slamming the door again and going back to the couch.  "Sure.  Want a bat?  I found one in the closet."

"Do not tempt me," he warned.  Someone knocked again.  "That had better be Mac."

Speed looked.  "No, that's Don."  He opened the door and looked at him.  "He's dead."

"So I heard from Mac.  It's my day to watch you two cute ones," he offered with a grin.

"You missed it, Eric's nephew had two girls in bed last night."

"Just like his uncle," Don teased back.  "So, who's our future torture victim?"

"Horatio's brother.  He died while high and undercover."

"Interesting.  We'll be back," he said with a grin, dragging Ray off.  "C'mon, scuzzfart."  He got him into the back of his car and looked around before heading off again.

"I need to protect them."

"I sincerely doubt they need you," Don said coolly.  He headed back to the station and drug him to Mac's office, shoving him into the desk chair.  Mac stared then at him.  "He's dead, died in Miami while getting high undercover."

"Interesting.  An officer?"

"Horatio's my brother!" Ray said, hopping up.  Don shoved him back down.  "Damn it, there's people looking for him!"

"We know, why do you think we're watching out for them," Mac said simply.  Ray glared at him.  "I don't think Horatio needs this sort of shock at the moment."  He saw Sheldon go jogging past.  "Go help him, Don."  He nodded, hurrying after him.  "Horatio's in a very delicate position right now."

"I noticed!"  He glared at him.  "There's Feds after both of them."

"We know."

"What makes you think you can protect them?"

"What makes you think they need a junkie to do it?" Mac countered.  "At least I'm clean, I'm a Marine, and I've got plans set up to help them when necessary."  Ray gaped.  "That's why your brother came to me, Raymond.  Now, sit down!"  He sat and Mac went to close the door.  "What are you doing in the open?"

"I have to protect him.  He's my brother."

"You do realize you could've led those same hunters to his door?"

"I know I wasn't followed.  I've been watching your team guard the apartment for the last few days.  How did this happen?"

"Those same hunters."

"Charming," he growled.  "The father of the child?"

"One of the lab people who was also attacked."  Ray just nodded.  "They all know and he keeps in contact with them.  It's being worked on, Raymond."  He sat down again, looking at him.  "I don't think Horatio's best interests have you being around right now.  You represent a stress he doesn't really need."  He handed over a tissue.  "Your nose is seeping again."

"Thank you.  He hit me."

"I'd have shot you," Mac promised.  His phone rang.  "Detective Mac Taylor."  He listened.  "Are they okay, Sheldon?"  He smiled.  "That's fine.  Good work.  No, stay there with them to make sure it was stopped.  Thank you.  Keep Don, he's on guard detail today."  He hung up.  "You started off preterm labor in your brother."

"They're how far along?"

"Barely into the eighth month."

"Damn.  Well, not too early and it sounded like they got it stopped?"   Mac nodded once.  "Good.  Can I talk to him?"

"No.  Sheldon said no stress.  He'll let Horatio know that you want to talk to him and let him make that decision."

Ray nodded.  "I guess that's reasonable but I'm helping sit guard.  I slipped my masters."

"As long as they don't see you and you stay clean," he ordered.

"I'm clean."  He stood up.  "Can I?"

"Go.  Stay outside the building."  That got a nod and he left, still dabbing at his nose.  He called Don.  "It's me.  He's coming back but he'll stand guard for now. I told him to stay outside the building.  Tell Horatio he slipped his masters to come protect him.  Let him know it's up to him if he talks to Ray again.  Do you guys want another guard?  Well, Danny's off."  He smiled.  "I can do that."  He hung up and paged Danny, getting a sleepy phone call.  "I need you to stand guard on those witnesses.  Come in so I can brief you."  He hung up and sent a quick, quiet email to Calleigh about this.  He was sure Horatio would be writing the rest of his family so he wouldn't have to inform them.  Danny came in and he pulled out the research folder.  "Close the door?"  Danny did that and Mac let him have the file.  Danny read then gaped in horror at him.  "It happened down in Miami," he said quietly.  Which he was still very thankful for.  It was good that all the strange stuff went to Miami instead of hitting his lab.  He was still having nightmares of him being pregnant.  "The feds attacked them during an emergency drill.  We're protecting two from federal hunters.  Unfortunately they need Sheldon and Don inside.  There's also a new complication.  Horatio's brother Raymond supposedly died and was instead undercover in a drug ring.  He's helping you."

"Sure," he agreed, handing it back.  "They good?"  He shuddered and forced that thought back into his head.  He did not want to deal with the thought of pregnant men and labor.

"Sheldon said both babies are doing very well.  They're both in the early eighth month.  Ray showing up sent Horatio into labor."

"Understandable.  Seeing ghosts can do that to a guy."  He shook his head quickly.  "Address?"  Mac handed it over.  "Who's relieving me?"

"I will."

"You got it, Mac."  He headed to do that, still shaking his head.  He saw Lindsey and got an odd look.  "Running errands for Mac."  He headed out, taking the subway up there.  Flack drove, he could commandeer his car.  He found the guy standing against it and nodded at him.  "So you're his brother?"  That got a nod.  "Danny Messer.  Mac's CSI."  He shook his hand.  He called Flack.  "It's me.  I'm taking your spot until Mac gets here tonight.  I need keys so we're not blatantly leaning on your car, Flack."  A window opened and a set of keys got tossed out.  "Thanks.  Yeah, both of us."  He hung up and grabbed the keys, then came back and opened the doors for them.  It was a bit nippy today.  He settled in, staring around the obvious parts of the block.  "Anyone on the other sides?"

"No.  I did a walking tour when I got back," Ray said quietly.  "How did this happen?"

"The research notes said some sick fuck in the Feds," he said with a small shrug.  "I'd hate to be them if they show up."

Ray nodded.  "I'm hoping they're not going to.  My brother's vicious when his family's in danger.  Where's the father?"

"I only knew Mac was guarding witnesses.  You need to ask them that."

"I'm not allowed near them."

Danny looked at him.  "With how I heard you died?  Yeah, probably not a good idea."  He went back to watching the block, staring at one car that was slowly cruising.  "I don't like the looks of that."  He got out and pulled his badge, walking over to talk to the person pausing outside the building and looking up.  "Yo, NYPD, open up."  The window came down and the man inside gave him an odd look.  "Why're you cruising here, sir?"

"My girlfriend lives up there.  We're going out."  Danny handed over his cellphone so he called her.  "Dear, I'm outside.  There's an officer here asking me why I'm loitering.  Are you nearly ready?"  He smiled.  "That's fine."  He hung up.  "Thank you, officer."

"Not an issue.  We're watching a nearby building and don't want people in the way."  That got a nod and he parked, at least until a middle aged woman came out and got into the car, then he left.  He went back to their car and slid in.  "Hanging out waiting on his woman."

"Good.  You tell them anything?"

"We're watching another building on the block."

"That'll work."  He looked up at the lit window.  "I wonder if he told my wife."

"Depends, is your wife gonna shriek?"

"Probably.  She did at me plenty of times."

"Then he may have.  I figure someone blew their cover down there."

"Maybe."  He settled in for a long wait.  "I've taken an apartment lower in the building."

"Good ta know, tell Mac."

"Sure.  Who is he anyway?"

"Taylor?  He's head of the felony crime lab.  He and your brother are friends. They've worked together before."

"Oh.  That explains why he ran up here."  He nodded at that.  He guessed it could be worse, it could be Stetler's baby instead of someone from the lab.  He saw the guy from earlier come out and look around before coming over.  "Your buddy."

Danny rolled down the window.  "What's up, Don?"

"Horatio's stopped cramping.  Doc and I are both staying and Doc's fixing dinner.  You need something, Messer?"

"Nah, I'm good.  Mac got me up from a nap."  That got a grin.  "They okay?"

"They're fine.  The little sprouts are fine.  Doc's got it and Mac's got plans."

"Mac's always got plans," Danny said with a grin.  That got a nod.  "Okay, well, we're here and this one has an apartment lower in the building."

"Sure."  He headed back inside, going back to where Horatio and Speed were resting on the couch.  "He's a persistent bastard."

Horatio looked over and nodded.  "He always was.  He still out there?"

"Yup and he's got a place in the building.  Told Mac he slipped his minders."

"If it wouldn't endanger us I'd call them to pick him back up," Speed said, turning the page on his book.  "Try Ray's cell again."

"I should."  He called his nephew from his cellphone.  "Sit, nephew.  No, I'm fine, but I just had a bad shock.  No, not twins," he said with a smile.  "Nothing that big.  No, more like seeing a ghost, Ray."  He smirked.  "I heard.  That's who I'm talking about, yes."  He nodded.  "I've wondered myself," he admitted quietly.  "Outside."  He smiled.  "I did already hit him once and I would like to do it again.  How's your mother?"  He smirked.  "Good.   We're safe.  You can reassure her and Frank both of that.  Yes, we are.  Has Eric's mother let up on him yet?"  He chuckled.  "That's fine, Ray.  No, I'd tell her if I was still speaking to her.  Thank you.  You're growing into a fine man, even if you did skip school to go see your girlfriend.  No, you have plenty of time after school, Ray.  No, that was more your father's thing.  I went for personality, he went for trophies.  Of course you can switch.   I do miss and love you too, Ray.  Be careful and be happy until I get back."  He hung up and looked at him.  "He's at the station waiting on her to get done."

"That's going to be a loud fight."

"Probably," Horatio agreed.

***

Ray Junior walked over to Frank's desk.  "Got a call from someone."

Frank looked up.  "Everything good?"

"More or less but I've got a bad message for mom.  Can you corral her crankiness for me?"

"Sure."  He got up and went to get Yelina into a better place to talk, the boy following a few minutes later.  "What's going on?"

"Got a call from Uncle H.  He's well, she's well.  Speed's well.  He had a bad shock earlier."

"Twins?" Frank joked.

"I asked the same thing," Ray admitted with a grin.

"You know?" his mother demanded.

"Yes, like a man I went to Uncle Horatio and he told me I was going to have a cousin to adore and spoil, Mom.  He also just said he saw a ghost, punched him in the nose for dying and giving me a half-sister."  She sat down suddenly, making squeaky noises.  Frank patted her on the shoulder.  "He's apparently up there and set off a few cramps but Uncle H did say he got to hit him already."  He grinned at her.  "I'm assuming we'll get our chance when he shows up."

"Learn a bit more tact, Ray," Frank ordered.

"Hey, I'm fourteen, I'm doing good right now," he said dryly.  "I could've announced it out there."

"True."  He nodded.  "Thanks for the warning, kid."

"Welcome.  Just think, one more month or so and I get a loveable little cousin."  He grinned.  "Oh, he wanted to know if mom was okay and if Eric's mom had let up on him yet.  I told him she was fine and Eric's mother was pouting but more understanding that she couldn't force them together for the sake of the kids."  He sat down across from his mother.  "So, we have to figure out what we're doing about dad."

"I'm going to kill him," she told him.

"Let me get in a few hits first please."

She looked at him.  "How long have you known?"

"Since about a week after you spazzed.  I called Uncle H to see what was going on in your pointy head this time."  He stared her down.  "I didn't know you were a prejudice bitch, mom, but I'm not liking it and I'm happy that I'm turning more into Uncle H than either of my parents at the moment.  By the way, I'm babysitting often," he said, standing up.  "I don't care if you don't like it."  He walked out, heading to the break room over by the labs.  He found Ryan staring at the soda machine.  "Water out?"

"Yeah and the juices suck."

"Then get a soda.   Just one won't give you a gut."  Ryan smiled and got what he wanted, then looked at him.  "Is Eric here?  Just heard from someone."

"I'll get him."  He went to find Eric, nodding toward the break room.  "Ray Junior's here."

"I dropped him off earlier.  Why is he over here?"

"He said he just heard from someone."  Eric hurried out.  Ryan grinned.  "He'll be a good daddy," he decided.  "He's more fussy than I am."

Eric walked into the break room and closed the door.  "What happened?"

"Apparently my father's not dead but he said they got the cramps stopped. Or at least I figured they did since he didn't sound like he was in pain.  He got to hit him too."

"Good!"  He smiled at that.  "Anything else happen?"

"He wanted to make sure your mother had left you alone, how my mom was."

"She's being less pushy at the moment.  Trying to work around the problem, though she did offer the other one to Marisol so I wouldn't have to have them both."  Ray snickered and dialed *69 on his phone, handing it over.  "Hey.  How are you two?"  He smiled.  "No, Momma's better.  She did suggest Marisol could have my spare one of you."  Speed snickered and told Horatio who said 'no' very firmly.  "That's what I told her.  It's okay.  How's your mom taking it?"

"Not good.  I left her with Uncle Frank.  I also told her she was being a prejudice bitch and I'd happily turn out more like Uncle H than either of my biological parents.  Plus that I'm up for babysitting duties."

Eric repeated that and heard them both laugh.  "So we're good down here.  Yeah, we're not backed up.  We're handling it.  You two okay?  Ray thought you might be cramping after earlier."  The 'Sheldon got it stopped' made him happier.  "If you can, give me some time so I can come up, guys.  Please.  Sure."  He snickered. "I will.  You two behave."  He hung up.  "Your uncle said you'd have to quit skipping school and have better taste in women than your present one to turn into him."

"I can do that."  He took his phone back and walked off again, going back to his mother's area.  He found her crying.  He was even nice enough to hand her a tissue.  "I'm going for the heavy bag in the gym.  Want to join me?"  She looked up at him.  "As you told me, you're an adult you can change your mind if you want," he said blandly, heading for the gym to work out some of the anger he was holding in.  Before he called some friends who were thugs to see if they had any contacts up in New York.

***

The day came as it always does when the baby decides it's had enough.   Horatio woke up gasping and moaning in pain, doubling over holding his stomach.  He kicked Speed until he woke up and called Sheldon, panting his way through it.  Speed's voice came closer and he was trying to soothe him, holding his hand, stroking his hair.  "Just make it stop," he ground out.

"I'm trying.  Breathe through it.  We don't want you to hyperventilate."  Someone pounded then walked in.  "Out!" he snapped.

"No!  You need me.  Sheldon's halfway across town."  Ray knelt beside the bed.  "Here, grab my hand.  I've been here before, Horatio."  Horatio slapped him a few times until he moved.  "Yup, this is real labor."  He took his hand, letting him squeeze it.  "Don't try to push.  Just let the pain happen.  Like you got shot again."  Horatio slowly came back down.  "There.  Better."  He checked the clock.  "You've got about thirty minutes before Sheldon can get here.  Let's time this one and the next one, okay?"  Horatio nodded limply.  "It'll be okay.  She'll be out soon and then I'll let my wife and son kill me since my son called someone to have my ass kicked by some thug brats."

"I thought he quit hanging with them," Speed said.

Horatio looked at him.  "Not always."  He patted Speed's stomach.  "Anything?"

"Not yet.  Some extra kicking."  He stroked over Horatio's stomach for him, making him relax.  "Just a bit longer, H.  Then we'll be out of the woods and we can go back to work in a few weeks."

Horatio nodded.  "At home."

"At home," he agreed with a smile.  "Maybe I'll let Ryan clean my place for me.  That way it's really clean."  That got a small smile and someone else knocked.  Speed got up with some help from Ray.  "Thanks."  He waddled that way, finding Stella and Mac.  "Only him so far.  Plus Ray."

"Yay," she said, walking him back into the bedroom.  "Sheldon's on his way."  She stroked over Horatio's stomach.  "I can do some good metamorphics to help with the pain until he can get here, Horatio."   He nodded weakly.  "Good boy.  Mac, set up the blood pressure machine?"  He did that and she got to work soothing the residual pain.  "That's my boy," she soothed.  She saw Speed hiss and hold his stomach, reaching over to test the muscles.  "That's a contraction too, Speed."  He whimpered.  "How long have you had those?"

"A day or so.  I thought they were more fake ones."  Don came in and shut the door.  "Hey, the gang's all here."

"Of course we are.  We want to hold the babies first," Don joked.  "How else are we gonna snatch 'em so we can be godparents?"

"They're going to have a lot of them," Horatio said dryly.  "You guys, Ryan Wolfe.  Calleigh."

"Alexx said she'd be a grandmother," Speed offered, resting his head on Horatio's shoulder.  "At least we nearly made it to the due date."

"We nearly did," he agreed.  He yawned.  "This is not making me happy."  He winced as another one started and Stella went back to massaging his stomach.  "I'm never doing this again."

"We'd better not be able to," Speed agreed.  "Someone call Eric?"  Mac nodded, moving to do that.  He winced and hissed, letting Don take his hand.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  Means I don't have to go do paperwork tomorrow if you break my hand," he joked, grinning at him.  Speed snorted but held on, riding out the pain.

Sheldon finally got there and checked them both over before opening his bag and pulling on some gloves.  He pulled out the local anesthesia and injected them both liberally.  "I need a sterile field, people."  Mac moved to help him with that while Sheldon scrubbed up.  He came back and let Stella hold his gloves for him, then came over to drape over the areas Mac was preparing.  "Horatio first since he's in more pain."  That got a nod.  He pulled out the sterile packs he had made, putting it beside him once it was open. "Okay, Horatio, focus on someone other than your stomach.  It won't be pretty and I don't have a shield."  He pulled out the scalpel and got to work, letting his brother hold a hand over his mouth.  "He does need to breath."

"He'll scream."

"That's why I gave them a local," Sheldon said firmly.  He finally got down to where he needed to be, finding the baby by feel.  "There we are."  He pulled her out feet first and then caught her head, looking at her.  "Hi, snookums."  Stella put on gloves so she could hold the baby while he got her breathing on her own and clipped the cord.  "There we go.  Weigh, measure, and mark the time, Stella."  She nodded, going to do that while he made sure he cleaned up all the excess tissue and fluids.   He didn't want any chance of infection.  When he was done he stitched Horatio's stomach back up and moved to do Speed's.  Mac had on gloves this time so he opened the second pack and got to work on him, making Speed sigh when the baby came out.  "There we are, one healthy little boy.  Already trying to scream."  Mac took him to hold, letting him clean him up and cut the cord.  "Do the same thing she is."  He nodded, going to do that, taking the blue squeezy bulb with him to suck out any extra stuff Sheldon had missed.  He cleaned up that side and stitched Speed up, then moved back and pulled off his gloves.  He removed the drapings, wiped off their stomachs and put bandages on carefully over the stitches.

"I'm sure you know what you're doing with those?"  They both nodded.  "Good boys."  He smiled.  "Let me go check on the tots."  He walked over to look, taking her to look over.  "Hi."  She continued to cry. "I know, you're cold."  He finished checking her over.  "Perfectly healthy."  He handed her off.  "Go ahead and put on a diaper and clothes after a quickie bath, Stella."  She nodded, doing that.  He took him, finishing the sucking job Mac had started.  "Do you have post nasal drip?" he teased with a smile, getting a weak fuss.  "I know.  It's loud, bright, and cold," he soothed.  He finished the weighing and measuring.  "There we go.  Now Uncle Mac can put on a diaper and all that good stuff.  Yes he can."  He handed him back and made notes on the birth certificates.  Then he came back to administer some post birth pain killers, making both fathers sleep.  "All right it's Miller time," Sheldon decided.  "They're both healthy and happy babies.  Did we get any bottles?"  Stella nodded at the kitchen.  Don came over to make one.  "Thanks, Don."  Both godparents settled down to feed the babies, making him smile.  "Good.  We should rest.  We'll need to sit with them for a few days."

That got mass nods.  "We can do that, Doc," Don promised.  "Why don't you crash in a corner?"  He nodded, taking the comfortable chair and end table for his feet.  The others settled in to hand off the babies now and then.  "They've both got dark hair.  Must take after dad."

"I dare you to call Horatio mommy," Mac taunted but he was smiling.

"You know, we have the formula, you can do the same thing," Don teased back.

"I'd prefer doing it the natural way," Mac assured him.  "I don't think I could take being pregnant.  The mood swings would kill someone.  Probably Danny," he admitted.

"No, you'd get Lindsey," Stella assured him. "Danny's smart enough to run and hide.  She'd try to calm you down."  She shifted and the baby girl cooed at her.  "Hi.  Did your daddy pick out a name for you yet?"

"Not that I know of," Mac admitted.  "I know Eric's mother kept sending him lists of names to his work email."

"We can figure that out tomorrow.  I agree with Doc, let's rest before they drive us insane," Don ordered.  He yawned.  "I was having good dreams about supermodels.  The phone rang and they all turned into Monroe on a mothering kick until I woke up screaming."  Mac snickered at that.  Stella just whimpered and reached over to pat him on the shoulder in sympathy.  He found the birth certificates and texted the information to Eric's phone, making him a happy guy in the clubs.  At least until his mother heard.

***

Horatio walked into work his first day back, nodding at his boss.  "I'm cleared for duty, sir."  He handed over the forms from Sheldon.  His and Speed's.  "He's behind me."

"I heard."  He looked at him then at the infant in her carrier.  "She's coming in today?"  She was wearing an outfit that matched Horatio's suit and had on baby sunglasses that looked like daddy's - only they were mirrored.  Even the pacifier complimented the outfit.

"I'm assuming I have enough paperwork to keep me busy and she'll be cooed over all day," he said with a small smile, taking off his sunglasses.  He heard a squeal and looked around, smirking at Frank.  "Nearly scared me, Francis."

"I know.  I can't help it, they're cute!"  He came over to take the carrier and put her onto a table so he could look at her.  "Hi, snookums."

"Rachel Andrea Caine."

"Rachel then."  He beamed and played with her stomach, getting a few kicks for it.  "Such a strong girl to put up with your daddy.  Yes you are."  Speed came in with his on his stomach in a carrier.  "Did you ride with him on the bike!" he demanded.

"He was perfectly safe.  He was under my new jacket."  He nodded at the boss.  "We're back, it won't be boring anymore."

"Good.  Let's go to Horatio's office."  That got a nod and Horatio took his daughter but Frank stole her, making them all smile.  They walked into the labs and Cooper let out the girliest squeal yet, running out to see the babies.  "Calm yourself," the Chief ordered.

"They're adorable!"  He took the baby from Frank to cuddle once he had her free.  "Such a little princess of forensics.  Yes you are."

"My office, Cooper," Horatio ordered.  He walked that way cooing at her.  "Where's everyone else?"

"On their way in.  I saw you pull in and I called Calleigh.  They're almost done with a scene."  He opened the door and then a window because it was musty in there.  "There, that's much better.  It's obvious Ryan hasn't struck in here yet.  You'll like Uncle Ryan.  He won't be able to stand diapers so he'll change you all the time.  No chance for an icky diaper rash, Rachel."  He settled down on the couch with her, Frank next to him.  "Hi, Detective."

"Hand over my godchild or I'm telling the coffee lady you've got the hots for her."

"Ewww."  He handed her over and took Speed's.  "There's our future Lord of Forensics.  Yes you are," he said, smiling at the confused looking baby.  "Your daddy has that look when we wake him up after he falls asleep on the break room couch."

Ryan leaned in and smiled.  "Hi, guys.  Welcome back.  Horatio, I cleaned your office last week, so it should be free of everything but a bit of dust.  I can get that later."  He looked at the babies, coming over to look at them.  "Hey, kids."  They both cooed at him.  "Yes, it'll be just fine and we'll love on you two all day," he assured them, patting both their hairs down.  "I see you look like the daddy, but that's okay, we won't pick on you for being like him.  Even if you do turn into a slut like daddy is."  He smiled and beamed at his boss.  "Hi, welcome back.  Your sister-in-law wanted a call.   She was on the scene with us and I'm thinking she wants to apologize.  Also, your nephew wanted a call.  He's been helping me babysit now and then to learn how to do it properly.  Let me know if you need someone to watch them today."  He walked out, going down to the lab.

"Hand over my godchildren!" Calleigh demanded as she walked in.  Cooper handed her the one he had and got up so she could have his spot.  "Thank you, Cooper.  Good boy.  Now go play."  He winked at the boss and headed out.  "There you are, Steven.  Yes, such a good boy."  He snuggled into her shoulder with a yawn.  "I know, it's been a big day already."  He patted him on the back, smiling at the other one.  "Hi, Rachel."  She cooed at her, but looked a bit tired.  "Why don't you nap on Uncle Frank?  He's very comfy.  He's got some padding and everything."

"Gee thanks," Frank complained, but he was smiling when he let the baby rest against his shoulder.  She snuggled in and grabbed his hair with one hand, spitting onto his neck.

"With that said, I should find Eric," Speed offered.

"He's behind us somewhere with Alexx," Calleigh assured him.  "We'll have the baby shower later tonight, guys."  That got smiles and nods.  "Good!"  Eric leaned in but Alexx shoved him inside.  "They're sleepy."

"At that age they should be."  She looked at them, doing a quick check to make sure they were all healthy.  "My grandbabies are so cute," she said, handing them back but making Eric sit down since Frank's phone was going off.  Frank handed him Rachel and got up to take the phone call with a smile for the new fathers.  Calleigh moved closer so he could see his son too.  "Awww."  She took a picture and then of the fathers.  "You two look fit."  She kissed them each.  "We'll do the shower tonight, boys."  She headed out to go brag to the others about how cute they were.

"They're going to be some spoiled kids," Speed told Horatio, who nodded.

"We'll love them anyway, they're still ours," Horatio agreed.

***

Epilogue: 2 months later:

Eric sighed as Speed opened the door at Horatio's house.  "My mother's being pushy again."

"Why?"

"She told my landlord I was moving and had my stuff packed and put into storage."  Speed snickered and let him in, pointing at the couch.  "Thanks.  I'll even help with the midnight feedings.  Not the first time."

"Sure."  He kissed him.  "Be a good boy, Eric."  He went back to bed so he could molest Horatio some more.  "I know you heard."  Horatio moaned.  "Good."  He went back to torturing him orally, making Horatio snap and pounce him again.  That had been where they were when Eric had knocked.  Rachel fussed and Eric came up the stairs to get her, making her quit fussing and settle down.  He was good at that.  Both the kids loved him and Ryan.  Speed was moments from coming when he heard another knock, this time a quiet one.  They both groaned when Eric went down there but Speed put Horatio's hand on his cock.  Horatio gently stroked him and it was enough.  He came and Horatio followed, groaning out loud.  That woke up Steven.  Eric came back up the stairs to get him and take him back down too.

"What's going on?" Horatio called quietly.

"Wolfe went over the research notes again."  Eric finished his trek, finding Ryan cuddling the daughter of the family.  "She okay?"

"Fine.  Wanted to cuddle like the daddies were."  He grinned. "Babies do that."  That got a nod and Steven settled down in his arms to cuddle too.  Horatio and Speed both came down the stairs so Ryan handed them a folded over piece of paper.  "One of the other guys asked me to look over the full notes when more were found."

Speed sat down and read.  "Well at least we don't have the parts for that."

Ryan looked at him.  "If the solution isn't needed to be given this time...."

"It doesn't?" Horatio demanded, taking the paper.  He leaned against the back of the couch.  "Last time didn't they have to pad the solution around the embryo?"

"Yup.  This time they only need to provide an embryo.  His system's still filled with the solution.  I had Alexx check my findings."  He looked at them.  "I'm not sure how unprotected sex would take but I'm doubting it.  I did feel you needed to be warned tonight."

"Works for me," Speed agreed. "No eggs though."

"Thankfully," Horatio agreed.  "I didn't want to go through that again."  He frowned a bit, looking at Eric.  "What about the paternal donors?"

"Some of them were given it, half weren't.  It was a sub-test of the experiment. The guy who had twins was one who got given it."  That got a shudder.  "Also, when the new stuff was uncovered by your brother, he found out that they did try me, Horatio.  Both ways.  The first apparently didn't take for some reason and the second we all know why they couldn't get a semen sample."

Horatio nodded. "Is it in your system?"  Ryan nodded. "You're sure?"

"At a lighter dose but yes."

"Crap," Eric said, staring at him.  "You can't be thinking...."

"Some day I might," he admitted.  "When I want them to be mine and not everyone else's kids."  He smiled and handed Rachel off.  "I did think you should be aware of that so you could work through any implications since Eric's another one who got the serum."  He stood up.  "I've got it all locked in Calleigh's desk at work whenever you're ready to look it over."

"Is anyone else pregnant?" Speed asked.

"The guy who asked is.  We don't know how."  He shrugged.  "The Feds could be back."

"Thank you for the warning, Ryan," Horatio said quietly.

"I don't want to have you guys hide again.  Eric annoyed Calleigh for weeks while you were gone."  He grinned and left once Eric had snorted in displeasure.

"Well, that's bad news," Speed agreed.  "You were wearing a condom, right?"  Horatio nodded at that.

"I feel really sorry for that one guy who was carrying number eleven while his wife was carrying number ten," Eric offered.  Horatio shuddered at that.  Eric grinned at him. "Don't you want a big family, H?"

"Not quite that large.  Those two are more than enough for me."  He took his son to hold.  "Hi, Steve.  Ready to go back to bed?"  The baby cooed and leaned forward to suck on his nose.  "Hungry?  We can do that."  Eric got up to fix a bottle. "Thank you, Eric.  How long before you can find your own place?"

"I don't know, Momma threatened to burn it on me."

"I'll talk to her in the morning," Speed muttered.  "Again."  Horatio smiled at that, nodding.  "Then again, Ryan did say he knew someone who'd love to tape it if we did get together."

Eric leaned out of the kitchen.  "I still like the ladies, guys."  He disappeared again, bringing the bottles out once they were warm.  "Here we go.  Two nummies for the little tummies."  He handed one to each parent.  "Let me put them back in bed.  You two go cuddle."

Speed carried their daughter up. "You might as well come up so we can talk, Eric.  We'll put on more clothes."

"Just throw on a sheet, guys.  Not like I'm looking," Eric said from the nursery.  He took Rachel and put her down as well.  "There we go.  All snuggly."  He grinned and they both grinned back, letting him turn on the mobiles.  He shut off the lights and backed out, running into Horatio's chest.  "Sorry, H."

"Not a problem, Eric.  Come on.  Take off your shoes."  He did that and laid down on the free side since Speed cuddled against his chest.  "Now, she did what?"

"She said it's not right that I'm not with my children, even if they weren't created with my consent.  If I had donated to lesbians she'd want me there with them too, even being the nanny.  So she told my landlord I was moving, had my stuff packed and sent to storage, and left me a letter saying that.  I have no idea where she put my stuff."  He pulled out the letter to hand over.  "That's what she left with my landlord.  She said one of you will have to beg to get me my stuff back.  Fortunately she can't get into my bank accounts or I'd be really miserable right now."

Speed patted him on the back.  "It'll be fine, Eric."  Someone else knocked. "It's like Grand Central Station tonight," he complained, getting up to answer the door.  He didn't care if he was naked.  "Calleigh?"  She sniffled and hugged him.  "What's wrong?"  He checked, no one they knew had driven her, a cab was pulling around the corner.  He let her inside and sat her down before going for something like pants or boxers, something.  She followed him up the stairs and got other hugs.

"What happened, Calleigh?" Horatio soothed, stroking her back.

"I...  Dad."  She sniffled and looked at him.  "He said I'm not...."

"Shh," Horatio soothed, letting her snuggle into his side.  "Whatever he said he was wrong and a drunk asshole.  Again."  She shook her head.  "No?  He wasn't drunk?"  She shook her head again.  "What did he say?"  She whispered something and he stiffened.  "He is very wrong, Calleigh.  Extremely wrong.  Am I clear?"  She nodded, looking at him.  "It's all right."

"Hi, Eric," she said, catching sight of him.  "Why're you here?"

"My mother told my landlord I'm moving, had my stuff packed up, and said either I'm here with them or I'm not getting anything back."

She let out a small smile at that.  "That's worse than Alexx's plans."  He nodded at that.

"Alexx was planning on ambushing us too?" Speed asked.

"Yeah, she thinks we'd do good together as a trio," Eric told him.

"Guys, I'm worn out by one guy, much less two!" Speed complained.  Horatio smirked at him.  "Not helping."

"You talk to his mother tomorrow and I'll talk to her father."  He kissed her on the top of the head, seeing the sleepy, mumbly, exhausted young woman on his chest.  "Shh, you rest, Calleigh."  She snuggled in and used his chest hair to hold onto.  Eric grinned but went back to the couch.  Speed gave him a look.  He gave a pointed look at the hand in his chest hair then at him.  Speed helped him into a pair of boxers under the sheet and it was good enough for now.  At least until one of the kids woke them all up.

***

Ryan looked up the next morning, seeing all the tired people.  "Huh."  He walked out.  "Did I miss a meeting?" he asked.

"You started one off," Eric assured him.  "Is my mother here?"

"Your father is.  He's waiting in the atrium."  Eric headed that way.  "Calleigh, your father called and the receptionist handed it to me for some reason.  I don't know why."  He handed over her message.  "If you need an alibi, I'm your man.  H, the Chief was thundering around earlier blustering about Feds and stupid assholes who screw with formulas so they're everlasting.  He wants a call from you and Speed.  I told him I told you both, he said he didn't care."  He handed over that message.  "Oh, and Stetler's already made a joke about me going for it.  He's damn lucky I walked away that time.  Really."  He walked away, going back to work.

Horatio plucked Calleigh's message from her hand, smiling at her. "Let me.  You go sign in and all that stuff."  She nodded, going to do that.  "Speed?"

"I'll get with the Chief."  He went to do that while Horatio went to have a talk with Calleigh's father about how he was ruining her career.  They all avoided the atrium, even the people standing there listening avoided the atrium.  They could all hear Eric screaming at his father and no one was going to interrupt the probable homicide in progress.  Speed listened then walked in and patted Eric on the back.  "What makes you think we're going to become a trio?"  His father gaped at him.  "I'm worn out with one.  Why do I need a second?  Besides, Eric doesn't like men," he said slowly and clearly.  "Trust me, if they had used someone else's we probably wouldn't be with them either.  I have what I want from Eric, he's a good friend.  He's the guy I can go cry on when I need to.  I'm not going to ruin that or ruin his relationship with the kids.  Now, quit forcing it!  Before you don't get to see the kids.  We're too damn tired for this!"  He walked off, going to find the Chief, who was still stomping around Frank's desk.  He growled at him and he stopped, looking at him. "Ryan told us.  We heard.  Thankfully there's no eggs in our relationship.  You might say we're allergic to them at the moment.  Now, anything else?"

"One other one did, Speedle."

"I'm sorry for the guy.  Is he all right?"  He nodded.  "Did someone work to do that to him?"  He swallowed and nodded.  "Can we have them?"

"If you can find them."  He handed over a disc.  "That's got all the information the other one found."

"Sure.  We can do that.  I'm sure all of us in the lab want to make sure there's no repeat of the mood swings."  Frank nodded quickly.  "See?"  He smiled sweetly.  "Now, we've got other problems as well.  Anything else?"  He shook his head.  "Thanks."  He walked off, watching some of the guys stare at him.  "What?" he demanded finally.

"You got caught?" one of the guys asked, looking hesitant.  Speed nodded.  "Really?"

"Really.  You didn't notice the honey on *everything* I ate or the mood swings?"

"You're always moody," another officer, this time female, noted.  "Can't much tell the difference between male PMS and your usual problems."  She looked at him.  "How's the family?" she asked with an evil smirk.

"Fine and for that you get to help us investigate.  Go to Horatio's office, now."  She walked off still happy.  He looked around.  "Anyone else since they're trying to come back and do it again?"  The men all shuddered and shook their heads.  "You sure? They think they can make the formula permanent this time."

"I'll shoot them for you.  I swear I will shoot them for you, Speedle, just please don't have any more mood swings around us," one officer begged.  He still remembered the day he had made Calleigh, nice, sweet, even tempered Calleigh, walk off crying with one.

"Sure.  We'll let you know who."  He walked off, finding her having reported and giving her reasons for smarting off to get the assignment.  It did look good on her.  He handed over the disc.  "Chief said it's ours.  One guy promised to shoot them so he never had to see another mood swing.  Frank was in total agreement to that idea."  He grinned.  "She smarted off so she gets to help."

"More than reasonable," he agreed, turning to insert it into his computer and run it.  "Who gathered it?"

"Ghost boy."

"Ah."  He nodded and got to work on the files, printing out the pertinent parts.  He handed over pictures.  "Go over those.  Their ID's are in there as well.  Find them."  They nodded, her going with Speedle to do that while he read over the rest of the file.

***

Speed woke up in the lab, moaning and holding his head.  "What the fuck?" he muttered.  He tried to sit up and couldn't quite grab the table.  He grabbed a file and the beaker on top of it crashed down, making him fall back when his handhold fell.

Someone came into the lab.  "Speed!"  She helped him up, looking him over while she dialed Alexx with one hand.  "Alexx, it's Valera, I just found Speed passed out on the floor in the trace lab.  Please."  She hung up and got him seated, looking him over.  "Speed, can you hear me?"  He nodded, one hand drifting up to hold his head.  "Crap.  What happened?"  Ryan came in with Alexx.  "Ryan, he was passed out."

"He was just fine at lunch, then he got a call.  When did he get back?" Ryan asked.  Alexx's eyes went wide and she moved Speed's shirt, not finding a mark on his stomach.  She moved his pantsline out of the way and still nothing.  Speed looked at her.  "Speed, did you come back from the Peterson homicide on your own?"

Speed frowned.  "What homicide?"

"I'm calling Horatio," Valera said, doing that.  She got his voicemail.  She tried Eric.  She got him.  "Get back to the lab.  Speed was collapsed in Trace.  Ryan asked him that, he said what homicide.  Now!  Right now!"  She hung up and helped Alexx move him to the break room.

"I'm going to get Cooper to check the cameras," Ryan said, jogging to do that.  "Cooper?"  He got a long blink.  "You okay?"

"No, I feel light headed," he admitted.  "You guys were all gone.  Gas."  He pointed at something.  "Backup."  Then he passed out again.  Ryan hit the emergency switch to send them into lockdown and reran the backup Cooper hid from everyone.  He found the guys in black outfits and the cloud of gas.  He saw them carrying in Speed.  He saw them carrying in another body.  "Someone check H's office!" he yelled.  An officer went to do that.  He went back to work saving it down and copying it onto a few discs so they had backups.  He went to check on Alexx.  "Cooper's sedated too.  There was a group of guys carrying Speed in while a sedative gas floated around."

"Okay, that explains why someone hit the switch," she agreed.

"Yeah, me.  He's still passed out but he's snoring so I didn't think there was that much of a problem."

She smiled.  "That'll work.  I'll go check on him.  You sit with Speed, baby."  She went to do that.  She saw Horatio rushing in.  "Where were you?  Valera got your voicemail!"

"I was talking with Calleigh.  Why?  What happened?"

"Sedative gas and some guys carrying Speed back in.  There's no marks on his stomach."

"Okay."  He went to check on him then followed to her to the AV lab, letting her hit the switch to run the paused tape Ryan had left up.  He watched it, frowning greatly.  "Who is where?"

"Valera got Eric.  Ryan hit the switch when he found Cooper passed out."

"That's good.  I like that."  He put his hands on his hips.  "No marks on Speed?"

"Not unless they didn't go in from the front," she offered. "I checked for needle marks; I can do a smaller search if I need to."

"Please.  Just in case.  We were warned and we're hunting them this time."  She nodded, going to do that since Cooper was starting to come around.  "Cooper, who else was here at that time?" he asked gently.

"Me, Natalia.  Calleigh but she left with Eric."  He nodded, patting him on the head.  "Ow."

"Sorry.  Come on, let's get you into the break room too."  He nodded, letting them help him up and out there.  "Mr. Wolfe!" he called.

"I've saved down the film five times, Horatio.  One's on your desk."

"Thank you."  He sent a copy to the Chief then went up to check on the other labs.  Eric came rushing in.  "Are you all right?"

"So far, why?"

"Were you on a scene?"  Eric nodded slowly.  "They used a sedative gas."

"Charming.  Who got hit?"

"Speed and Cooper.  Boa Vista is presently missing."

"Uh-huh.  Needle marks?"

"Alexx is doing a closer check."

"Good!"  He went to help Ryan do the trace lab's doors and other flat surfaces for prints.  "Do we think they left any?"

"I don't know, I don't care.  I'm doing it anyway.  I'll clean it up later."

"Okay."   He put on some gloves and got down to help.  "Someone turn off the alarm, it's annoying!" he yelled.  It was cut out.  "Thank you!"

"Speed okay?"

"So far.  Where were you?"

"Um, lunch."  He looked at him.  "Why?"

"Last I knew, you were supposed to hit my scene.  I ended up having Calleigh but she left after a few minutes."

"I...."  He frowned.  "No, I went to lunch, I came back and found Speed on the floor."  He checked his watch then scowled.  "It's four."

"I know that," Eric agreed.  "You went to lunch at eleven-thirty because you got a call out at eight this morning."  Ryan blinked at him.  "Alexx, come check him!" he yelled.  She came in to gather Ryan.  "He's missing time."

"Okay."  She walked him into the bathroom to check him over, finding one good sized needle mark.  "Oh, sugar."  He looked then went pale and she had to help him sit down.  "Well, crap!"  She went to call Horatio.  "Ryan's got a needle mark and he was missing time."  He hurried after her, going to run the bloodwork immediately.

***

Two months later, Ryan trudged into the morgue.  "I need the ultrasound," he said grimly.

"I thought you'd be okay."

"I would if I had kept down lunch today and yesterday."  She gaped at him.  "Apparently the pills you gave me didn't work.  We need to use the ultrasound."

"I've got it set up."  She pulled him into that room, getting him down to look.  She pressed gently, he had good muscles so nothing was blocking the sound waves.  She stared at something, enlarging it.  Then she moved the wand and her eyes went wide.  She did it again.  "Oh, damn."

"Oh damn what?" he asked coolly.

"Baby, you're *real* pregnant."

"Uh-huh.  Like I'm having a litter?"

"Four."

"FOUR!" he shrieked.  Horatio came rushing in.  "Four!" he demanded.

"Lay back down!" she ordered.  She got a marking pen and started on his left side, moving over.  She circled each one when she came to it. "That last one's in a bad spot," she admitted.

"I'm going to kill someone," he noted patiently.  "Any idea who?"

Horatio nodded.  "The same person who did your experiment back in college."  Ryan tensed, glaring at him.  "His suicide note said he was paying you back for it since he had ruined your life but you so clearly loved children."  He stroked his hair.  "We'll handle it, Ryan."

"I'm so getting patted by all my friends."  He flipped open his phone and dialed a number.  "Diana, it's Ryan.  I need a hand holder.  Can you come to the morgue and take my gun?  Thank you."  He hung up and looked at Alexx.  "Are any unhealthy?"

"Nope.  One's in a bad spot, a bit too far over, but nothing else."

"Normal women have problems carrying four, Alexx."

"I'm not saying you won't be in trouble, sugar, but beyond that they look okay.  I can call the guy who did the others for you."

Ryan whimpered.  "Damn it."  He got up and wiped the gel off his stomach, looking down at the little ovals.  His friend walked in looking concerned.  He pointed at the frozen screen.  She looked, squealed, then hugged him. "Four," he told her.

"Oooohhh!  Now we'll get to fuss like you did over us!"  She gave him a tight squeeze.  "You poor thing.  Lieutenant, can we borrow him?  Some time with his godchildren will calm him down."

"Go ahead," he agreed.  "I want Ryan back in here in the morning so we can go over duties."  That got a nod and she led him off.  "Ryan, gun?"  Ryan handed it over and let her lead him out.  "Four?" he asked quietly.

"Yup, four."  She looked at him.  "I'm hoping they had other samples or samples stored."

"If not, Eric's mother is going to fuss over someone else," he sighed, heading to tell Speed.  Since he had passed out it was a good chance at least one was his.  "Ryan is," he said from the doorway.  Speed moaned.  "Times four."

"Four!" he demanded.

"That was his reaction," Horatio said blandly.

Speed looked at him.  "Please tell me I'm not a candidate?"  Horatio nodded.  "I'll beg, H."

"We'll do what we can.  For right now we'll have to start limiting his duties sooner."

"Ya think?"

"One of his friends drug him home to play with his godchildren."

"I can handle that."  He went to see what Ryan was working on, finding Eric happy and cheerful in there.  He paused.  "You looked the same way when I started to puke."

"I don't know why I'm happy," he admitted, grinning at him.  "But Momma's off my back."

"And Ryan's pregnant with four kids."

"Excuse me?"

"Yup.  Just heard from H."

"Oh, shit."   He called his mother.  "Tell me you didn't ask them to do it again," he demanded in Spanish.  His mother hung up on him.  He growled.  "I think she did."  They both saw Calleigh going to get sick and Speed moaned.  He understood the nature of throwing up better than Eric did.  He put his head down, mentally screaming at God that he had parents at the moment.  Horatio came in to pat his back.  "Calleigh's getting sick."

"I know."

"Is she?"

"Probably.  Alexx can do the test to make sure."  Eric looked at him. "We'll deal, Eric."

"H, I'm not so sure she didn't ask!"

"We'll deal with it, Eric," he repeated.  Eric nodded, giving him a hug before going back to work.   Horatio went to call his boss.  "We weren't quite in time. That day, the pills didn't work on Wolfe.  Calleigh's also suspiciously ill."  He nodded at the instructions.  "I can do that.  If that's true we should form a commune."  He smiled at the encouragement for that idea and the thought that Eric would do good driving a luxury minivan instead of a sedan.  "Thank you for the blessing, sir."  He hung up and called his brother. "I want them begging in front of me, Raymond.  They made Mr. Wolfe too pregnant for his own good."  He hung up and sat down, considering how to handle this.  He could barely handle Speed most nights, but to have the other three too?  Because he was not letting his family get away from him.  "Damn it, I'll have to tell Yelina," he sighed.  He did text Frank to warn him he'd be fussing over Ryan soon.  Then he turned off his phone, his desk phone's ringer, and settled in to brood in his office until the daycare brought the kids over.  Then he could play and be happier.

The End.