Contents

Consequences.

Aliens?  Really?

Super GHS Xander to the Rescue!

Moving Home the Boredom.

Rides to the Rescue.

Good GHS Boys Get A New Toy

Consequences.

Greg looked up as his computer beeped, looking at the message.  "The sacred egg hatched.  It's a huh?"

"Huh, is that an official classification of animal?" Kate taunted with an evil smirk.

"No, but it looks like a winged snake."  She and McGee came over to look.  "I didn't think quetzecotols were real.  Then again, looking where it came from...."  He trailed off as Fornell and Gibbs stomped down the stairs.  "Xander's sacred egg hatched, boss."  Gibbs looked then frowned.  "Looks like an ancient Mayan god, huh?"

"I guess.  Looks like a winged snake."

Tony jogged over, handing over something to Gibbs.  "The second ransom note just got sent."  He looked at the picture.  "Hopefully it won't try to eat the two new dogs."

"Yeah, hopefully," Greg agreed.  He looked at the ransom note.  "Abby's had it?"

"Yup.  All yours."

Greg scanned it in then handed it to McGee. "I've got the drop site."

"I'll check it against other notes in the system," McGee said.  "Why only ten thousand dollars?"

"They're either practical and don't think they can get more than that or they only need that much," Tony offered.

Kate shook her head.  "Practical people don't stoop to kidnaping, Tony."   She took the new note to add to her profile in progress.

Fornell shook his head. "Harris has new dogs?"

"After a bad guy broke in and poisoned his dalmations, yeah," Greg said.  He looked up at him.  "Flack found a matched set of chocolate labs at the pound.  Hershey and Kiss are already starting early obedience training with the Xander daddy so they can take the same sort of classes both Spots had."  He got back to work. "Tony's got their picture on his computer."

Tony pulled it up for him.  "That's Xander, Hershey, and Kiss.  They're both females," he said with a grin.   "He even lets them talk on the phone.  They barked at the boss the other day."  Gibbs shook his head but he was smiling a bit.  He paused then looked up.  "We do remember that the next convention is local?" he asked.

"We're meeting beforehand to put new security protocols into place for the hotel," Fornell assured him.  "Have they figured out which hotel?"

"They tell us six weeks beforehand so we don't die of anticipation, Fornell.  We know it'll be upscale but smaller. We know it'll have room service, a spa at least attached to it, and it had better have good showers and tubs."

"We'll have to arrange a way to go sightseeing and shopping," Greg pointed out.  "I know some are coming in early to sightsee.  That plan was made on the bulletin board last night.  Adam would know and Ray Kowalski might if you can get him at his desk in Miami."

Fornell nodded.  "I'll get with him.  Thank you for reminding me.  How many are looking at the sightseeing trips?"

"At least ten to thirty," Tony told him.  "There's a core group that go in each new spot we hit the day before the convention starts but I'm guessing they're doing Smithsonian earlier since it's so massive."  That got a nod and Fornell wrote himself a note to look that up.  Plus to look up reputable, bonded tour groups.  Tony held something up.  "Who is Hillary Abrahams?"

"She's the sister-in-law," Kate said.  "Why?"

"The bank manager got back with me.  She was checking on their safety deposit box last week.  He thought it was odd in hindsight since she said our vic was on crutches and couldn't hop in to check herself."

Kate took the email and looked at her for the probable bad guy.

***

Horatio looked at the little winged snake, feeling something coming from it.  "I don't know what it is, Xander.  Is it demonic?"

"No."  He scratched an itchy spot.  "I don't know why but you seem to be drawn to it.  Everyone does."

Horatio nodded. "I'm feeling the same thing.  Are Sam and Dean still local?"

"Sam's at the university doing some research today.  Dean's off playing on one of the off- shore gambling ships."  He called Sam.  "The sacred egg hatched.  It's a winged snake thingy.  Very drawing.  It likes us when we pet it, we can tell."  He hung up because his new pet told him to.  It hissed at the dogs and Xander smacked it on the nose.  "Leave the other pets alone.  Have as good of manners as Hubert had."

The snake stared at him then went back to being adored as it was due.  The humans would learn their place.

***

Sam looked at his phone then called Dean.  "It's me.  The sacred egg hatched a queztlecotol."  He nodded.  "Do you have anything?  Xander said it was drawing and then it made him hang up."  He looked up that creature in the online database, then nodded.  "We can do that.  Bring some.  I'll meet you there."  He hung up and gathered up his research, paying for his copies before heading out to catch a cab.

Dean showed up at the house a few minutes after he did, letting Sam get the sacred oil out of the back.  Dean grimaced as they walked over to the picnic table, then doused the creature with the sacred oil, lighting it on fire while Sam added the herbs and started the banishing chant they usually used.  Horatio and Xander fled, Xander taking the dogs with him.  One of the ferrets came to investigate and got a bit singed but Xander soaked her down before he checked her over.  Dean watched as the body turned to ash and the ash faded.  "There, better.  No more mind controlling, mythical creatures from ancient history."  He shot Xander a look, getting a shrug back.  "You good?"

"I'm fine and so's Beauty."  He let Sam take her to pet.  "I kept it away from the other pets."

"Good.  It was going to start demanding sacrifices soon," Sam said dryly, giving him a look too.

"They gave it to Greg and Charlie because they thought they were Valkyries," Xander defended.

"Uh-huh," Dean said.  "Any other mythical creatures we should know about?"

"No, the unicorn went home over a year ago," Xander said with a grin.

Horatio rubbed his forehead.  "Don't remind me, Xander.  Please.  That was a bit much."  He looked at the boys.  "Thank you for the timely save."

"It's what we do," Sam quipped with a grin, bending to pet the dogs, who loved him.  "Such good girls."  He put Beauty onto Kiss's back, letting the puppy be a ride for now.  They had learned that game already.  He grinned at the other two GHS members.  "Isn't it your day off, Horatio?"  He nodded.  "Then go do something less productive for humanity.  Spoil yourselves rotten."  They walked off together.  "I got the information we need," he said as he and Dean got into the Impala.

"Good.  Easy or not?"

"Not."  He rolled down a window.  "Horatio, we'll be salting and burning tonight by Freedom Cemetery."  They backed out, going to scout the grave.

Horatio shook his head.  "I'll warn someone so they don't stop them," he muttered, texting that to Speed.  He could make up a good excuse for the night shift patrol commander.  Xander pouted.  "It wasn't your fault, Xander."

"I know."  He shrugged.  "We should go spoil ourselves.  The boys will be expecting us to be happy, calm, sated people when they make it home."

"Spa?"

"We could," Xander agreed.  "Want to drive or should I drive the SUV?"

"I'll drive," Horatio told him.  Xander had this alarming habit of weaving with the music he was singing to while he was driving if he was backed up.  Since Xander was usually backed up....  If anyone else was with him they got to drive.  Xander understood this so he didn't get pouted to death for it.  Which was nice of him.

***

Don looked up as Frank got a phone call.  "Case?"  He said he'd switch off and take his next one since he owed Frank and his desk only had cold cases on it.

Frank listened then shook his head slowly.  "You're sure?" he asked.  He nodded.  "Any idea why?"  He nodded once.  "Does he need rescued or not?"  He smirked.  "That's the old Caine luck, Margaret.  Sure.  Let me know if it comes down to that.  Thank you for the warning."  He hung up. "Is Xander restocking anything?"

Don considered it.  "No, but it's all toys to Xander," he said carefully.  "Caught by the local ATF office again?  The last ones were amused until their boss got down on them for going near Xander; he still thinks Xander's dangerous to agents, drives them insane on purpose."

"No.  Vice.  Horatio let him play at the Venice House tournament today."  Don shuddered.  That was a well known weapons dealer hangout.  "He's with him so he's not alone but yes, he's playing baccarat today."

"Well, maybe he'll get us dinner," Don said thoughtfully.  He texted his boy, who answered back with an 'I'm being good, horatio said I was' and he showed it to Frank, who laughed.  "We'll see how bad he was later on."

"Let me know if we have to disappoint someone in ATF with paperwork tomorrow."

"Sure, we can do that."  He got back to his own paperwork.  It never ended in their office.  Danny strolled past him with a folder, heading for Ray's desk.  "Horatio let Xander play baccarat at the Venice House."

Danny dropped the folder, looking at him.  "Excuse me?"

"Caine let Xander play with the weapons dealers," Frank told him.

"Will we need to bail them out?"

"This is Xander," Don pointed out.

"Good point."   He picked up the folder, shaking his head quickly.  "We'll have to wait and see.  I'll warn Speed."  He handed the folder to Ray.  "Excluded a boyfriend who couldn't get it up with the DNA.  Didn't match and the chem tech did a chem analysis on the fluid, found Viagra.  The original, not a knock off."  He walked off, leaving it to him to deal with that.  "Hey, Speed?" he called as he got nearer to trace.  "Our boys are out together."  He heard the groan os he leaned in, grinning at Ryan.  Then at Speed.  "Your boy let my boy play baccarat at the Venice House today."

"Uh-huh," Speed said, considering that.  "Someone's getting spanked later," he decided.

"Was Xander bored?" Ryan asked.

"Weapons dealers gather there for card tournaments," Speed told him.

Ryan nodded.  "Then Xander's stocking?"

"Possibly," Danny admitted.  "They're toys to him.  Who knows."  He looked at Speed again.  "Got a text from Dean a while ago.  They killed the thing that hatched from the sacred egg before it started a new cult and tried to eat the pets."

"What was it?" Ryan asked.

"Queztecotol."

Speed shook his head clearer.  "I'll keep that in mind the next time we're given a sacred egg.  Any other bad news I should hear?"

"Not yet but if our boys are out together there might be a suit shop that's empty later on."

"Possibly, if Xander wins a lot," Ryan agreed dryly, smirking just a bit.  "Xander hasn't had the chance to spoil people recently."

"He spoiled plenty while we were in DC, even if Tony and Greg did the major spoiling."  He looked at Speed again.  "Did anyone do a chem analysis on the stones?  See if they're normal and human?"

"I hadn't.  I'll email Tony to suggest he do that if any more come his way."   He moved to do that and complain about Xander playing with weapons dealers under Horatio's tutelage today, just in case the worst case scenario happens and they ended up being kidnaped.  Or worse.  Because there was always a worse.

***

Tony looked at his email, nodding.  "Xander and Horatio are playing cards with the weapons dealers today."

"Why?" Gibbs demanded.

"Not really sure."  He shrugged and sent a text to Xander's phone, getting one back saying that it was for charity and he was sucking today.  "He said he's sucking at baccarat today and it's for charity."

"As long as he doesn't lose all his money," Gibbs said, shaking his head.  "His boys would hate that."

Tony nodded.  "Probably impossible since Horatio's there with him."  He looked up and said a silent prayer to Strife about that then got back to work.  He got back into the email.  "Hey, Greg."  Greg looked over from Kate's desk.  "Speed suggested we do a chem analysis if we get any more, just in case they read as not being totally normal."

"I can do that," he agreed, getting back to work with Kate's computer.  His was down for some reason and Kate was in the field at the moment with McGee questioning people.  He sent a text to Xander's phone too, getting back an unhappy pout.  "Wow, he's losing big today."  He sent back a 'then quit' message.  He got back an 'I can't' so he called Speed.  "Xander said he can't stop playing cards at the baccarat tournament.  Close to a hundred thousand."  Tony winced and hissed.  "I suggested he stopped and he sent back an 'I can't', Speed."  He nodded.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "He'll go retrieve the boys."

"Probably a good idea since the email said they were playing with gun dealers."

"I'm sure it was only a head's up in case they get stolen again," Gibbs said impatiently.  "Anything on our case?"

"Intersects," Greg said happily.  "I knew I knew that name."   He printed something off and handed it over with a flourish and a smirk.

"One of us?" Tony asked hesitantly.

"Used to work out of the Vegas lab.  Chemist.  Got fired by Ecklie.  If I remember right it was because he used to drink.  Was in AA and Ecklie decided it wasn't good enough."

Gibbs read it over, nodding slowly.  "Good job, Sanders."  He got into another site to search there.  "He's being paid by a contractor to make chemical weapons."

"So's our vic," Tony said, walking that information over to look at this new stuff. "They're on the same project, boss."

Greg held up a hand.  "Let's do something wise."  He called the number they had for the guy's phone, getting him.  "Hey, it's Sanders, NCIS and formerly Vegas.  We need to talk to you in the office, now.  About your project."  He listened, making a note and holding it up.  "We've got ransom notes."  He nodded, making another note and holding it up.  "Any idea who?"  He nodded again.  "Okay.  You two come here.  Now.  Shipyard.  Yeah, that's us.  I'm on Gibbs' team.  Just show up and say you need to speak to Gibbs about this case.  You're coworkers."  He nodded.  "That'll work.  Half an hour at the most," he said as he hung up.  "They are together, and hiding, from another person on the project who tried to break into the triple code safe."  Gibbs moaned, they had found that broken into earlier. "He's not sending the ransom notes for him or her, and she's with him."

"Where are they?" Gibbs asked.

"On their way in.  They're not that far away but they were hiding."

"DiNozzo..."

"On the gate," he agreed, going to do that.

"Sanders," he started.

"Going to get the coworker once I call Kate," he agreed, calling her.  "It's me.  Small twist.  Ransom notes are bogus, him and the missing one are together hiding from the third one.  Where are you?"  He nodded.  "If you're there, need backup?"  He smirked. "That'll work.  I'll be there soon.  They're coming here.  You get her here.  I'll search the lab."  He hung up and grabbed his jacket, heading off.  "Call Xander to check on him," he yelled as he walked.

"Fine," Gibbs muttered, using his computer to send a text message to Xander's phone to check in with him, Greg was worried.

***

Ryan walked into the Venice House club and looked around then up.  He smiled and put a hand on a wall, blessing the area to Ares' name.  And lo and behold the magic floating around stopped.  He walked in, looking at the horrified host.  "You know, it's amusing when you don't block off everyone from knowing.  Praise Ares' name."  The man backed off. "Xander?" he called, walking that way.  Xander smiled and won his next hand, wiping out his debt.  "Good job.  Let's go.  They were magicing the area so you'd lose, guys."  He smiled at Horatio.  "It was me or SWAT and Don and Frank wanted SWAT, Horatio."

"I know they did."  He helped Xander up, letting him walk them out.  He nodded at a few players, who looked much happier now that they weren't losing as well.  He led him out to the hummer.  "I think that's a bad way to raise money for charity."  He looked at Xander.

"It was a good charity."

"It was," he agreed.  "You can send in a donation, Xander.  Even if you are feeling like a princess in a tower again."  He looked at Ryan.  "Are we being escorted back to the station?"

"Not yet.  Only if SWAT had shown up," he teased with a grin, making Horatio moan.  "Call your boys so I can go back to work."  They texted them and it was better.  He watched them drive off in Horatio's hummer before heading back in his own.  Really, that was too stupid, using demonic magic to make everyone lose.  It raised a lot more money for the charity but it made people resentful.  So maybe he'd check into the charity itself, make sure it was a good place to donate to.  Fraud should know.  He'd stop by there on the way back.

***

Later that night, Tony looked at the jeweler who had bought the rubies from him.  "I was wondering something."

"I took down their origin.  We did have them tested."  Tony grinned and relaxed.  "Who pointed that out to you?"

"A friend down in Miami's lab."

"Ah.  That was wise of him."

"Does it read as human?"

"It reads as two unknown chemicals in it and two that show up in NASA's database as being from a few asteroids."

Tony blinked.  "They're alien?  I thought we were on another realm."

He shrugged.  "I don't know, Mr. DiNozzo.  I do know that we will accept them but they will be marked as having contaminants from asteroids."

He nodded. "That's fair. Any idea where the asteroids came from?"

"No.  We can send that friend an analysis."

"My... Greg Sanders is a former DNA god.   He and Abby might be able to figure it out and we know a few scientist types out in California."

"That'll be fine.   I'll send them to Mr. Sanders at work."  He smiled.  "Did you get more already?"

"No, just that question.  We weren't sure if something like that had happened."

"It does now and then.  You're not the first to bring us jewels that aren't totally normal.  Mr. Harris and others have given us jewels from off-realm and places."  He nodded and shook his hand, leaving him alone to smile at the poor young guy's back.  "Such a waste of a good mind, to be GHS and a higher level as well.  Pity.  He could've been a congressman or something instead."

Tony went back to work, finding everyone still there doing the rest of the paperwork on today's case.  Which he should have been doing.  He walked in and wrote something, handing it to Greg and nodding at Gibbs.

Greg read it then handed it to Gibbs, who choked on his current drink of coffee.  "You're sure?"

"The jeweler said so.  He said we're not the first.  So if we get any more I want Greg, Abby, maybe Speed, and possibly some of Charlie Epps people to look at them if we can."

"We might be able to do that."  He handed it back.  "Destroy that."  Tony did that.  "Have any left?"

"Two but they're larger and we don't know about cutting them.  I wasn't sure if that was an option."

"It could be.  Talk with Speedle tonight.  He knows about those things.  It's one of his specialities from what he's said in the past."  They both nodded.  "Paperwork, DiNozzo?"

"Done, boss."  He pointed at the inbox.  "You already put it in there.  I came back for Greg.  Just in case the old director is still around DC."

"The FBI found her trail earlier in Alexandria," McGee said quietly, looking at him.  "They're not sure if she tried it again or not, Tony."

"If so, I'd like to be a bit more careful."

"Security system?" Gibbs asked.

"Fully alert and through a monitoring company who knows we're Feds," Greg assured him.  "They've got it on a very sensitive monitor that'll tell them if it's bypassed."

"Good."  He got Sanders' report and read it over, nodding and putting it into the inbox so those two could go.  He'd start random calling later, once they had been home for a half- hour.  Just in case.  Because he wouldn't put it past Sheppard.  She had tried to sell Greg in the past.  Tony had thwarted that and so had Xander.  He sent a notice down to the Miami office and to Fornell, just in case he hadn't remembered Xander was involved in that.

Kate looked over.  "Are we going to have to worry about surveillance too?"

"I hope not. I'm doing random call checks.  I reminded Fornell about her last tricks and that those two weren't the only ones involved."  That got a grimace.  "Xander was too, Kate.  While you were on sick leave."

"The same day they got their overcompensating SUV," McGee agreed dryly. Gibbs shot him a dirty look.  "It can be seen that way, boss."

"It's not."  He looked at Kate again.  "It'll be fine, Kate.  We'll make sure of it."

"Good.  I don't want to have to track Tony to some other country again.  Last time was bad enough."

"It was."  He sent an email to the guys who did rescues for the GHS society, making sure they were aware she was out and had tried this in the past.  He got back a 'we were told, thank you for warning us'.  That was good and it covered all the bases.  Unless Sanders got a sudden ice cream urging and snuck out at two in the morning again.  Like he had last night.

***

Xander looked up from his snack while waiting on Don to get done with work, finally, blinking at the demon standing there.  "What?"  He ate another chip.  Still nothing.  "I'm not that pretty," he said quietly.  "Also, if you're invisible, appear fully."  The cops at the station wouldn't mind much.

It finished appearing and looked at him.  "You are one of the special ones."  Xander shrugged and ate another chip.  "It is heard you are no longer protected."

"I had a friend who helped protect me before.  He was assassinated.  I got them back.  I'm not looking for a new one."

The demon stared him down. "They can claim you without your consent."

"Only if they want me to destroy them too.  Like I have many others through the years.  Only I get to say who I go to.  Sorry."

"You have no say.  You're human."

Xander held up something and he flinched then stated to scream as the sight of it ate through his brain.  He tucked it back into his pocket.  "Really?" he asked it, eating another chip.  A few officers came running.  "He thinks he has the right to claim me even if I don't want him to.  Pity he's so stupid."  He looked down at the demon on the ground.  "Are you done with your misconception about how much I care about your thoughts or desires?"

"You will be claimed!" he snarled, getting up and reaching for him.  Xander pulled out a hair pin and stabbed it, making it scream in pain as the blessed object killed the muscles it stabbed through.  "How!" he demanded, holding the injured arm.

Xander grinned.  "You don't know who I am?  I'm Harris, from Sunnydale."  He backed up another few steps so Xander stood up and moved closer, putting the hairpin back.  "I have no idea how you got turned onto me but I don't care.  I don't know you, don't want you, and if you try to claim I'm yours you're going to be a sorry bastard when I get done with you.   Because, yes, I can do that."  The demon snarled and lunged.  Xander fought it.  "Get me Wolfe's sword," he shouted.  One of the officers went for it.  Xander got the demon trapped against the picnic table and took the sword when Ryan brought it out.  "Anything else you want to confess?" he asked.  "Last chance, demon."

"You will not win."

Xander leaned down.  "I'm a high priest of Strife using a blade blessed by a Chosen of Ares.  Last few seconds."  The demon spluttered so Xander killed it.  "Pity."  He handed the blade back and looked around.  "Holy water?" he asked Ryan.

"Not on me.  I don't think we have any in the lab either."

Xander grimaced then pulled out his hairpin again, stabbing it in critical areas until the dying tissues took over and killed the rest of the body, making it dissolve.  He wiped it off on the same rag Ryan cleaned his sword with then put it back into his hair.  "So, how much longer is Don going to be?" he asked the guys with a grin.  "Before another unsavory thing comes up to try to claim me again?"

"We're not sure," one said.  "Let me check, Mr. Harris."

Xander grinned.  "Remember to tell Don what you guys want me to cook for lunch next time too."  They nodded and Xander sat down at the other table to wait patiently, humming a bit now and then while he waited and watched the parking lot.  Speed came out.  "Hi."

"Hi.  Where's H?"

"Home with Ray Junior.  He's having trifling girlfriend problems again."

"Oh.  The demon?"  Xander pointed at the mess.  "How do we get rid of it?"

"Dig it up?"

"We can do that."  He went to find someone on the shit list to do that and called Sam's phone just in case they needed something bigger than a shovel to cure it.  He called Horatio too, just in case no one else had.

Don came strolling out, giving Xander a hug.  "You good?"

"I'm fine.  He was under the wrong idea that he could claim me without my consent.  Pity."  He nuzzled his lover's throat, making himself a happy boy.

Don smiled. "You're so backed up again."

"I know," he whined.  "But you keep working too many hours."  He pouted at him.  "Meany."

"Not my fault crime's been hell.  Before you think about it, don't ask for favors either."

"I won't," he complained, still pouting.  Danny came strolling out too.  "I only brought the vette."

"I know.  I rode my bike," Don said with a wink.

Xander wiggled. "Can we go for a ride, Don?  Please?"

"Sure, Xander.  We can go for a ride.  Give Danny your keys."  Xander tossed them at Danny as they headed for the bike.  "Heading home with the boy."

"Sure."  He smiled, watching them go.  "We're getting pounced later," he said once Don had driven them out of hearing range.  The officer watching gave him an odd look.  "Long story."

"We've heard.  He managed to beat the ...thing earlier."

"He can do it when he's threatened but then he'll go back to humming and trip over it because he's forgotten it's there," Danny said dryly.  He had done that recently.  Dean had laughed his tail off while chastising Sammy about not getting that backed up.  "Heading home if anyone asks."  He got into the corvette and headed off.  He had ridden in behind Don this morning so it was fine.

Ryan came out looking around the lot.  "Xander gone?"

"Detective Flack drove him home on his motorcycle."

Ryan smiled.  "That's Xander's idea of spoiling Don rotten one day a few years back."  The cop whimpered.  "Xander's very unique.  And he still can't balance his checkbook.  Then again, neither can anyone but Steve at the moment," he said thoughtfully.

"If you *ever* become GHS we're so going to laugh, Wolfe," Speed said as he walked out behind him.  Ryan smirked at him.  "You'd be worse than Xander and twice as bouncy.  Plus still carry around a sword."

"I need to sharpen it later."  He watched the kid digging up the remains of the demon into a barrel.  "Glad I'm not there anymore."  He headed for his car.  "See you tomorrow, Speed."

"Thanks for the warning," he quipped back, heading for his bike.

The patrol officer looked at his boss when he came out.  "If Harris can beat the ...thing that tried to attack him and kill it, why can't he balance a checkbook?"

The senior officer shrugged.  "All GHS members are strange.  It's their hormones.  When the hormones are high they're dangerous, kidnaped, and like chocolate a lot more than anyone else on any planet ever found.  When they're not backed up, they're more normal.  That particular one is worse than any other one ever created.  They say he's so far up the ladder of level ten he's no longer having normal days when he's not backed up.  Just now and then he can handle emergencies.  He's done it on scenes before when his neighbor went after him for her tree dying."  The officer shook his head quickly.  "This is Miami, you get some petty reasons for major crimes around here," he said dryly.  "He's saved a few of us that way.  That and he makes really good meals for us now and then."  Delko came out.  "What's Harris making for the next lunch?"

"He said he's taking ideas.  Give them to Flack."

"Sure.  Thanks, Delko."  Eric pointed at the guy digging.  "One of the scaley, slimy fan club.  He had to borrow Wolfe's sword."

"Ask his proteges if we need more than digging it up and burning that table, guys."  He walked over to his car, getting in and driving off.

"That's not a bad idea."  He went to call Flack's house to get their number.

The patrol guy looked up.  "If I *ever* want to be a CSI, strike me down?" he prayed.  "Please?  I'd hate to be that strange.  It's sad that the slut's the normal one."  He went to check out and head home himself.  He'd had enough for the day.  If he stayed he'd only see worse things.

***

Don looked up later that night, finger combing Xander's hair while they watched tv.  "I can feel you," he called quietly.  The rock-shaped demonic detective appeared, making Sam jump for a weapon since Dean was in their room.  "Chill, he's a DPP detective, guys.  What's up?  About the demon he had to handle earlier?"

"No, wondering about a few things.   Do you think he'll be able to make complex decisions tomorrow, Detective?"

Don shrugged.  "We're trying but crime's been hell recently.  What's going on?  Another stolen member or someone who wants to steal him?"

"Neither.  More about what he's got stored at the moment."

"Oh, the weapons thing.  I thought he cleared it all back to the warehouse down here."

"Mostly but a few larger things have been given to that clan for him.  He'll also need to make sure that he's protected in case the other higher demons try for him again.  You know your harem is vastly wanted by many clans and higher demons."

"I remember," Don said grimly.  "Thanks for the warning.  We'll try to finish wearing him out tonight."  The detective nodded and left.

Sam frowned at him.  "DPP?"

"Demonic police.  That realm with the map that'll help you find any lost GHS members?" he said at the clueless look.

"Oh, them.  Okay.  They came to Xander?  And what harem?"

"Harem is a technically polite term for the family you gather around you that you're sleeping with, letting help you, that stuff.  Since Xander gathered the family, we're his harem, even guys like Ray and Methos who only advise."  Sam nodded slowly.  "A lot of the demons who want Xander give the harem stuff as well to show how good they'll be to the rest of us and how they can spoil all of us or how they're able to care of us in the right ways.  Right now you're counted as students of the harem.  At one point in time they decided Aiden and Stella were part of the harem because Xander was giving them the presents he didn't want.  Pissed them off to no end that weekend."  Sam grinned, understanding that.  He had met both women and they both had strong tempers.

Xander blinked up at him.  "Huh?"

"Explaining to Sam about why the DPP officer came to see you."  Xander yawned and nodded, going back to sleep on his thigh.  "Thank you, Xander."  He went back to playing with his hair for now.  It was a good thinking device for him.  Better than any worry stone.  "Right now, you and Dean have your own harem, plus probably any hunters you guys spend a lot of time with or that help you a lot.  Even Steve's counted as part of the harem by most of them because he helps us so much."

"So if Dean ever gets a real girlfriend, she'd be counted?"  Don nodded.  "Interesting.  I'll let him know tomorrow."  He grinned at Xander then at Don again.  "So why would they come to him?"

"Xander had a very good friend who was on the High Demonic Council before he was assassinated.  All of us agreed Vesvold could protect him for a while since Vessie wanted him so badly."

"Another admirer?"

"No, Vesvold was truly in love with Xander.  He didn't try any of the courting things that had been pissing us all off.  He protected Xander, asked his opinion on things, let him help him find a good gift for his mother.  They would've gotten really tight if it wasn't for the Ancient demons that had him killed.  Which Xander took out."

"Heard about that part," Sam admitted.  He stared at Xander.  "If you didn't know him, you wouldn't think he was that complex.  You'd think he was a socialite, like the ones who carry their dogs around."

"That's a trick he learned off Buffy.  Plus it keeps him out of more trouble.  We don't mind him playing dumb as long as he doesn't do it at home."

Sam nodded.  "What'll happen when you guys have to leave Miami?"

"We're going to the farm first, then we'll see," he admitted. "It'll hopefully be a while before that happens.  Xander's got at least a decade left before he ages out of his current life.  Maybe a bit more from some mysterious spa treatment.  Dying so young can suck.  One of his friends died in his late teens.  Now and then he ends up redoing high school."

Sam winced.  "Poor guy."

"Yup.  You and Dean can both look like you're in your twenties, maybe early thirties, for a good long while.  Girls have that worse since they show wrinkles earlier."

"There are female immies, right?  I mean I know Jace is but I heard she was a special case somehow."

"Yeah, there's plenty.  One's a world class jewel thief named Amanda.  Adam knows her.  He knows a lot of us.  You can ask him that stuff since we all do."

"He's a bit off-putting."

Don grinned.  "Yeah, he's a surly and grumpy bastard some days but now and then it's gotta happen.  Oh, he's got a menace that used ta follow him around but doesn't now.  You need to ask him about the Macloud clan.  One Xander's decided needs to die and the other went after us because we knew Xander's friend Oz, who one of that clan thinks is evil."

Sam just nodded.  "I'll ask him tomorrow since I'm going over the herbal and ancient language stuff with him."  That got a nod.  "How old is he?"  Don shrugged. "Pre-AD times?"  Don nodded.  "Wow."

"Very but he tries to hide it," Don admitted.  "He's had a long, twisted history, Sam.  He's what Angel hopes to be in another few centuries."

Sam smiled.  "Angel needs to work harder.  He had someone call today to get Xander into a situation."

"Yeah, Fred called Danny at work.  One of the slayers in training managed to escape her watcher.  They wanted to warn him in case he ran into her."

"Are they that evil?"

Don considered it.  "Their methods suck," he said after a few minutes thought.  "They like to take the girls from their families by any means necessary to train them as soon as they find them.  Xander said the only council raised one he knew had no other friends, no family that she knew of, had no idea about girl things.  Had one outfit.  Had no idea what a boyfriend was for.  None of it.  She ran into Buffy after Buffy had technically died but Xander brought her back to life."

"He told us a bit about her."

"So I'm thinking this girl needed to get away from the watcher guy or something worse was going on and she needed to be free for other reasons."

"Then we'll watch out for her too if you've got any ID on her."

Don nodded.  "Danny's got it.  She was local, that's why they called.  They've got girls stashed all over the world.  Now they've got watchers from all over the world coming here to try to help get her back.  We had Adam call them earlier to warn them off coming to Miami.  If she was here, we'd get her out of trouble and send her to Wes or Buffy if there was a bad issue.  If the watcher was the issue, we'd arrest him and put her into foster care and they could fight the system.  Apparently he knew a few things that made the watchers council sit up and beg to leave us alone."

Sam smirked.  "That's probably a good thing with what we've heard about Giles."

"That's a bit of viewpoint bias, Sam," he cautioned.

"I know.  He told us things hadn't always been so bad.  What happened anyway?"

"Giles came over as an immie and went to Connor for training.  Xander had just gotten back from his first long kidnaping and found out he was a berserker.  Connor kept trying to push him into that state to break him going there and it was hurting him a lot since he'd only been over for maybe six months at that time if I remember right.  We came over on the same day."  Sam nodded slowly.  "Giles came to Connor for training when Oz sent him.  Giles found out that Xander's a high level GHS and decided that all the higher levels need protected so he kinda....sold him to a higher level demon for his own protection.  Connor didn't really fight him on that when he found out.  When Xander found out he went to take Giles' head at Connor's and Connor ended up shooting them both to get Xander off Giles.  Xander was healing slower because he had some debris from earlier incidences.  Connor chewed Giles a new one in private but when Xander woke up Connor basically said 'it's a good thing I'm honorable or you'd be dead' and set Xander off again.  Then when the monsoon demon started his crap and Xander came back dressed like a girl that time, they laughed.  So no more of either of them.  Xander's vowed they'll be dying some year."

Sam nodded.  "Good to know.  Just in case."  He frowned.  "Giles is back in Sunnydale still, right?"  Don nodded.  "Where's Connor?"

"Connor and his insane clansman are in DC somewhere.  Tony's run into him a few times.  That came out at the New York convention from a few of the agents he's run into after challenges."

"I guess it's harder to hide those somewhere like DC with all the security."

"It's hard enough to hide them down here," Don assured him.  "The last one any of us took a rookie cop called IAB when they found us post quickening after having argued about who was taking his head for Xander."

Sam snickered.  "He can take his own."

"Yeah but it's dangerous if he falls down into his head that way.  Only Ryan can get him out and he's not fully able to if he's too far gone.  We don't want to make him fall that far.  Besides, they all go after his hair and Adam gets pissed at that.  He's taken double what I have as a new immie.  He's taken about as many challenges as Danny has and he's over two hundred."

"They want to test themselves against this new style of fighting," Sam said.  Don nodded and smirked.  "Well, at least he's teaching some of us.  I'm hoping my first challenge isn't anytime soon.  I'm not ready yet."

"Neither was I but they sure tried to get me at work.  So did the Watchers there for a bit.  They decided we were some strange sort of demon and they were trying to take all us out.  A few traps, having Xander's car run into.  He had to have the corvette's nose redone because of the crash.  Fortunately the guys on the scene knew to call Horatio or one of us if something happened to Xander.  They called him to tell him they found Xander dead after an anonymous tip called in the crash."  Sam shuddered.  "Horatio got there as he was waking up.  That was right after Ryan got the nail to the tear duct."

"Ow."

"Very.  Plus debris and glue bits that kept him healing for days.  Adam ended up taking out the old one so he could heal fully.  Here on the old couch."  Sam shuddered.  "That's when they went to Vegas and Xander went to learn the dance stuff, plus they got Hubert."

"He still misses him."

"He will for years, Sam.  The same as we both do Spots."

"I do miss Spots.  Hershey and Kiss are great but it's odd that they don't pounce Dean for his breakfast."

Don grinned.  "I'm sure it'll be fine. They'll get their own mannerisms even if they are napping lumps of fur this week because they're growing again."

"All babies do that," Xander mumbled.  He blinked up at Don.  "You stopped?  Did you figure the case out?"

"Not yet.  We were talking about stuff."  He went back to petting his boy.  Sam smiled, heading up to his room.  Don grinned down at Xander.  "Bed?"

Xander yawned but nodded. "I could like to do this in bed."  He got up and the dogs woke up to stare at him.  "Going to the bed, girls."  They followed, hopping up to sleep against Danny's back to keep him warm while Xander and Don snuggled and teased each other for a bit longer.  It was good for him.  Don could leave him limp faster than anyone but a great massage.

***

Danny looked up as the detective appeared next to him in the break room.  "Xander still being too flighty?"

"He's fast asleep.  Dean said to give him an hour or he could take a message."

"They're our students.  They pretty well know everything we do anyway."

"Thankfully Xander hasn't been bringing them up when he plays with some of the concubines he rescued a few years back."  Danny turned to look at him more fully.  "Board games recently.  Nothing sexual."

"He'd have told us if it was.  Checking on them?"

"They've been bored.  Their keepers have been bored.  Xander's considered suitable to play with since they know he won't try to steal them and he'll protect them if some other wanna-be owner comes up for their pets."  That got a slow nod.  "The problem isn't that they've been playing board games, poker, or Xander's been teaching a few solitaire.  The problem is that the higher ups are trying to woo him again.  Well, that and his winnings."  He frowned.  "By the way, where is the tall, brunette male you were traveling with recently?  Someone wanted to talk to him."

"Tony works at NCIS with Gibbs and Greg Sanders."

"Ah!"  He nodded at that.  "We still have the marker on Gregory, just in case."  He smirked.  "It came in very handy."

"I'm sure and Gibbs might find it to be handy too.  What presents are we talking about?"

"Some weapons were given to the clan that had been holding some of his collection.  A few others things have been sent.  We've got a small box of things that the demons asked us to pass along since apparently we're so unbusy."

Danny snorted.  "You guys got your hands full like we do I'm sure."

That got a nod.  "You have no idea.  There was another battle ring recently and we had to bust it since it wasn't conforming with all the rules. It was quite a mess getting those who were technically free back to their people then letting the rest of them pick where they wanted to go.  What would you have us do with the weapons and things?"

"Dean and Sam can help him sort weapons later.  Presents and that stuff too.  You can tell any yahoo that tries it he's not interested.  Don's more then demon enough for his needs."

That got a nod.  "I can make that note.  What about his winnings from the games?"

Danny stared.  "He's won big stuff from board games?"

"Last month he won the realm the board game was played about.  He walked into that one honestly and read the rules, which disqualified both players.  So they had to start over.  They taught him.  He used the strategy knowledge he had to make them both lose."  Danny moaned.  "It's small, uninhabited."

"That's good!" he said more happily.

"The other three aren't."  Danny gripped the counter before he passed out.  "Ah, never told you."  He helped him sit down.  "Should I get someone else?"

"Yeah, get Don and H for me please?  Speed or Ryan if they wanna come?"  He nodded, going to get them for him.  Danny called home.  "Smack our boy on the ass for us, Dean.  Because he's been off playing games on the demon realms and won a few.  Some with people."  Sam asked if that was where the cult of Xander was.  "Cult?" he squeaked.  "No!  No no noooooo, spank him.  We'll do it when we get home if you can't catch 'im today.  Then go over the new presents and weapons with him."  He hung up, putting his head down.  Frank came in and gave him a pat on the back.  "It's worse than his poker games because he was bored," he moaned at the pat.

"Did he lose this time?"

Danny looked up at him.  "Worse.  He won a few demon realms."

Frank spluttered.  "Are we having a family meeting?"

"Just a short one," he said dryly, smirking at him.  "One of the DPP people is here to let us know about this."   Frank handed him a cup of coffee before leaving.  Danny put his head back down.

Speed and Horatio walked in with Ryan.  "Don's in the field," he told Danny.

Danny lifted his head to look at him.  "Xander's been playing multiple types of games with the demon concubines."

Horatio sat down, nearly gripping the table.  "Should we be worried?"

"Since Sam just asked if the new cult of Xander was on one of the ones he had won, yeah," he said dryly.  Horatio whimpered.  "Where's the detective?"

"He went to get the list," Speed said, giving him a shoulder rub.  "It'll be okay, Danny."

"I told Dean ta spank him.  'Cause if he don't I will."

Ryan walked in.  "Xander said he did not know he was playing for riches, realms, or people.  He's very sorry and he's to disclaim any knowledge of it or ownership.  Though he was surprised some demons were playing Clue for a demon realm when he heard."   He got some coffee and walked off drinking to go back to his current report.

"Was I insane when I let you two talk me into being his keeper?  High fever or something?"

"Being with Xander is worth all the stress," Horatio said gently.

"And hey, new wrinkles so you don't have to leave as soon," Speed said smartly with an evil smirk.  Horatio swatted him.  "It's true."

"It's making the ones I already had deeper," Danny shot back dryly, giving him a look.  Mac walked in with a folder.  "New case?"

"The DPP detective dropped this off with me so I could come give it to you guys while he gave the full list to Xander so he could check the new weapons and things.  Plus one for Tony?"

"During the going away event there was a major taking and road trip event," Speed said. "Tony ended up married against his will to some cloaked demon who dug up jewels.  Didn't know what a GHS was but he wanted Tony more than Xander."

Mac looked at him oddly.  "Should we maybe retest Tony's levels?  That makes two, right?"  Horatio nodded with a small hum, taking the folder to look at.  "Should I get Don?"

"Sure," Speed agreed.  "He's on Stella's scene."

"I'll let her know so she can break the news gently."  He went to do that.  The DPP officer had been scared of being beaten for being the messenger, now he knew why. He wondered what sort of suitor Xander had this time.

Horatio opened the folder, looking at the top page.  "It's a listing of when and where he won it, who he won it from, what sort of game he was playing, and where it is."  He had to get a magnifying glass.  It was in tiny type to fit that all the columns on one page.  He slowly read it over, then handed it to Speed, who stared then handed it on and got up to make some decent coffee for them.  Horatio handed the next sheet to Danny, who was still staring with his mouth slightly open.

"Remember, the IRS can't get him for demon realms," Speed said with a hug for Danny around the head.

Danny looked up at him. "Half of them are demons."

"Well, yeah, but they can't tax him on it."

Danny snorted, going back to the next page Horatio was handing him.  "Does this say that the concubine bet his master's realm and lost?"

"It does," Horatio agreed.  "I'm wondering if the higher demons knew and approved."

"Hopefully not, so they'll want to take it back," Danny said firmly.

Speed patted him gently.  "There's always hope.  If not, maybe he can hold some sort of lottery to give them back."  He went back to his fussing when Horatio gave him an odd look.

***

Stella hung up and walked over to where Don was, making him lean against a car, smiling at the woman who was giving him information.  "Thank you for your help."

"Problem?" Don asked.

"The DPP officer just dropped a folder off with Mac."

"Uh-huh," he said slowly.  "And?"

"Did you know there was a cult of Xander somewhere?"

He blinked, staring at her.  "Excuse me?" he asked.

She nodded. "The folder wasn't that thick but Mac said it was a chart."

Don nodded slowly.  "Give me the rest of the bad news, Stella."

"He won somewhere by playing Clue from what Ryan said."

Don shuddered then slumped, nodding at the ground now.  "Okay.  So we need to spank Xander."

"He's been bored again, Don."

"He's got the two students."

"Who are doing excellent jobs at keeping him from being too bored but now and then they're out too and they can only shop so much.  So can he."

Don looked at her.  "Are we talking super boredom?"

"I don't know.  Mac only glanced at the chart."

"How long was it?"

"He didn't count pages."

"Page*s*?" he asked.  She nodded, grinning some.  "I'm going to make sure that boy is never bored again," he muttered, getting back to work.  He called Danny.  "Will I throw a fit?" he asked.  He listened to a few of the items being read off.  "What sort of game is that?  Oh, breath holding.  Yeah."  He hung up and shook his head quickly.

Let Steve deal with it.  He did the financial stuff so Don could be a GHS detective instead of worrying too often.  This would make him worry more so Steve could deal with it.

***

Detective Mystyck appeared in front of Xander, who held up a short form saying that anything he had won on the demon realms between two dates went to Sam and Dean Winchester for their future profits.  "Nice try but not legal."  He smirked at him.

"If that's a deed, it's legal by our standards," Sam said as he walked in with Dean behind him.  Dean's hand was on his sword but that was just Dean being Dean.  "He asked me how to word it."

"In our courts it's not legal to deed some of these things away."

"But he could win them?" Dean asked.

"Of course.  Sometimes we're just as bored as he is."  He smirked at Xander again, handing over the same chart his boys had gotten.  He handed Dean a large, closed box.  "That works like his bags, boys.  Since you guys like them so much."  He looked at Xander.  "You are quite a hit on the game realms."  He disappeared, still smirking.

Xander looked at the list then closed it.  "Let's go look for that missing slayer," he decided, standing up.

Dean gave him an odd look.  "Let's look in the box first."

"I don't care what's in the box.  It's yours."  He walked past him. "I'm going to shower."

"Sure, we'll wait so we can hunt her with you," Sam agreed.  He and Dean looked in the box together and Dean nearly swooned.  "Is that ...  Is that a mini cannon?"

Dean pulled it out and nodded.  "It is."  Xander came back to look at it.  "You sure?"

"I'm sure.  Keep to Horatio's rules for weapons in Miami."  He went back to his shower.  His hair could use it and the nasty thoughts could be rinsed off with the shampoo.

Dean sat down to pull things out of the box while Sam looked over the list.  "Maybe it's a good thing they wouldn't accept the handover," Sam said finally.  Dean let out an inquisitive grunt while petting a new weapon.  Sam looked over and took a picture with Danny's scene camera since it was on the table.  "Is it the new Winchester family puppy?"

"Could be," he said, letting him see it but not take it.  "Why is it a good thing they wouldn't take it?"

"We would've ended up with five demon realms, three of which are inhabited.  Plus a few demonic mansions.  Some slaves."

Dean shook his head.  "Uh-huh."

"Exactly."

Dean nodded.  "I'd rather have the box.  It's a good deal we got from Monty Xander in there."

Sam snickered, going back to his reading.  At least until Dean gasped.   He looked over.  "Are those diamonds, dude?" he asked, shifting closer to look.  They looked like diamonds.  "Xander?"  He came out naked and looked.  "Are those carved wolves on a string diamonds?"

Xander tested them with his ring.  Only a diamond would scratch a diamond.  His didn't scratch that one.  "Nope, harder.  Not a clue what they are."  He went back to get dressed.  They were pretty whatever they were.  "Call Speed, he knows about that stuff."

"We'll stop by on the way out," Dean called.  "I don't need something that powerful."  He let it slide back into the bag they had been in before, tying it carefully and handing it to Sam.  "Hold that, Sammy."  He looked in there, pulling out a few more things.  He really didn't think they needed artillery of the 'building destruction into particulate matter' class.  Calleigh could use it for her weekly squeal time though.  Xander came out dressed reasonably well, doing his hair.  "Can we give those to Calleigh?"

"Sure," he agreed happily.  "It's yours.  Do whatever you want with it."  That got a nod and a grin from Sam.  "Let's go find the missing girl, guys.  Before someone slimy does.  There's too many of those in Miami."  That got a nod and they headed out to the SUV.  "You know, when the practice room was on the ground floor, we used to sort all the poker winnings in there.  I got to hide them from the boys with 'ignore me' spells.  They found them and nagged.  We had money counting parties."

Sam smiled since he was sitting up front with him. "I'm sure we'll have more of those later on."

"Probably not.  I'm not allowed to play poker with the bad guys any more so they don't have enough money for nefarious plans.  Horatio complained."  He backed out of the driveway.  "Dean, did you bring those?  We can drop them off."

"Okay."  He ran inside, bringing out the weapons and the box of stuff to keep looking through while they drove.  He found a few things that had 'classified' stamped on their cases.  He looked and whimpered.  "Oooooh, Sammy!" he moaned.

Sam looked back through the 'chauffeur window'.  "Don't moan my name like we're in a porno, Dean.  Especially not while coming over the weapons."  Xander giggled.  Dean let him see inside the case and he moaned too.  "Can we keep that?"

"No room in the trunk or I'd say yes."

"Damn."  Xander was still snickering.  "That's a perfect weapon."

"I'm sure Calleigh will need to change clothes then.  Maybe even some of the guys at the ATF if she shares."

Sam shook his head.  "I wouldn't."  He noticed Xander had changed lanes nearer to one of the fast food places he got lunch for the office from.  "We're bringing lunch too?"

"Yup."

"It'll mean a longer wait to escape," Dean pointed out.

"We can let Calleigh and the patrol guys she's going to bully carry them up.  They'll keep Danny from spanking."

"No, they won't," Sam promised.  Xander pouted at him.  "They might try," he admitted to ease the pout.  He hated it when Xander pouted at him.  His chest hurt at the sight of that pout.  Xander pulled through to get lunch for everyone and they let Dean hold it for now.   When they pulled onto the station's road, Sam called Calleigh.  "Xander said we could have the box with the weapons.  Dean's sorting out the stuff we'll never need to use unless there's an apocalypse coming that Xander can't stop by pouting.  Oh, and Xander got lunch so the patrol guys would guard his ass from spanking."

"And tell her I want Speed to see what those wolves are," Dean called.

"And we have something for Speed to figure out for us too, please.  Some gems harder than diamonds.  Xander's ring didn't scratch it at all.  It actually scratched his ring.  Yeah, that one.  The corner of it that was already scratched.  Please?  No, we just want to know what sort of gem it is."  He grinned.  "Nearly there.  You'll need a cart."  He laughed.  "We can do that.  Xander, Mac's station instead.  She's there."  He nodded, turning around to go that way.  "Think they'll like to be fed?"  He laughed at her 'of course and Danny's not here to spank him either' answer. "That might be better.  Thanks, Calleigh."  He hung up.  "She's over there with their ballistics tech working on a gun that someone created using a hollow tube and a plunger."  Dean leaned through the window.  "Mac's seen one done with a steering wheel clamp.  They're looking over this one together."

"I'd like to see," Dean admitted.  Sam shrugged.  "Maybe I'll volunteer to help since I know so much."  He went back to sorting while they drove and chatted.  A few more things went into her pile.  But not the mini cannon or the thing that looked like a laser pistol.  He wanted to try that one out first.  They finally got there and Dean got out, handing the first guy in uniform the food box.  "For the patrol guys."

"Thanks.  You are?"

"Harris's student Dean Winchester.  We're dropping off for the ballistics department."

"I'll let them know  you're here, sir."   He walked inside with the box, pouting a little bit.  "Harris is dropping stuff off for ballistics."  He handed over the box.  "I guess that's the lab's too."

Calleigh came out.  "No, that's for you guys, Officer.  Xander played some poker with someone and they gave him weapons.  That's so you guys protect him from the spanking he'll get if his boys were here."  The officer let out a boyish grin and carried the box off to take what he wanted of the sandwiches before handing them on.  She found Dean waiting on her.  "What did you get from Xander to keep him unspanked?"  He pointed at the pile of weapons, making her moan in that special tone of voice.  "Oooh."

"Yeah, I nearly came too," he sighed.  She bopped him on the arm so he grinned back.  "Can I see the new one?"

"Let me get a cart, you can help me move them."  He nodded, letting her go get a rolling cart for the weapons.  She came back and Dean helped her stack and then roll them inside.  Sam handed her the bag.  "What's this?"

"We have no idea what they're made out of," Sam admitted.

She looked.  "They're pretty; not diamonds?"  Dean shook his head.  "Then we'll look."  She waved as they backed out.  "Going to leave you here?"

"A slayer in training ran away from her watcher and they wanted Xander to see if he could find her."  That got a nod and she signed him into the lab, letting him help her roll the weapons in there.

Mac looked and moaned in that special key too.   "Dean teased me when I made that sound."

"We'd tease him but he won't let me see the new weapon," Dean told her.  She bopped him again but he helped her move things to tables for easier checking over.  Mac petted the cased weapons.  "I know, but we'll never use them, God willing that we don't have that sort of emergency.  Xander said we could have the whole special box of stuff they had dropped off for him.  Horatio's rules, ya know?  Besides, she's doing that database."

"I'll let you help," she promised happily.  She let him see the new weapon.

He frowned.  "Not enough concussive force unless you're using a spring too?"

"We couldn't figure out how since it wasn't hand-held," she admitted.

"Not that hard.  Mouse trap, the game."  He found the stuff he wanted and set it up, letting it dry fire for her.  "Probably still needs more force and the trip wire could be attached to anything there."

She nodded.  "That's why we found that wire, Mac."

He came to look.  "That looks more reasonable to me too."  They looked at the pictures, finding the pieces they needed.  "It was set to fall apart once it was fired."

"No one would think it was more than a pile of junk," Dean agreed.  "Smart enough crooks, like the coyote on cartoons."

Mac grinned.  "We've had a few of those."

"Oh, don't remind me," Calleigh sighed.  They finished their analysis and then went back to petting the weapons with him.  She took the bag of things to run through the trace lab to see what they were made of.  It came up unknown mineral, hardness exceeding ten on the hardness scale.  "Huh."  She brought the reports back, letting Mac see them.  "This is odd, Mac."

He looked, then at the stones.  "They're pretty."

"Very but they scratched Xander's diamond ring," Dean agreed.

Mac frowned, looking at them.  He found a broken one and managed to crack it for a chip then went to run that through some more tests, including the NASA database and a special one the FBI had set up for unusual substances and the Watchers's database.

Dean and Calleigh got to work invoicing the weapons while fondling them.  It was a good thing to do in their minds.

***

Sam walked into the house that night, handing Don the SUV keys.  "He's hiding.  He said you don't have to worry, he's being a good boy but he's going to be beating some of them since no one told him they were playing for real things."

"Fat chance, Sammy," Don said dryly.  "Where's our little bundle of fur?"

"The dogs?  Not in here?"

"They're on the bed.  The walking, talking, eating one that's not your brother."

"He's at the spa and then he's going to the demon realms to beat the snot out of some of them."

"That's a whole family's fun," Danny said, walking in pulling Xander.   "Got 'im at the spa.  Wearing some of it out so he could go beat things up."   He handed him to Don.  "Box?"

"Gave it to Dean so Calleigh's had some of it already."

Danny nodded.  "Have fun with that."   He stared at Xander.  "Do you need more hobbies?"

"No," he said with a pout.  "The concubines were bored and they said I'd be a good chaperone while they played together non-sexually.  That way no one would steal them.  But I let them talk me into playing."

"Uh-huh," Don said.

"I didn't mean to win anything!"

"Uh-huh," Danny echoed.

Xander sulked, going out to cuddle his puppies and pull the ferrets out to cuddle them too.  "I'm not playing poker with thugs.  This gets my naughty urges out of the way."  Sam next to him, taking the ferrets to pet so they wouldn't be squished in their cuddle.  He wanted to see a master of the pout and sulk work his way out of this one.  Xander pouted at him.  "My furry babies."

"You'll smoosh them under the puppies.  We'll switch in a minute," he promised with a small grin.

"Don't even try ta help him," Danny ordered.  "He knew better."

"I thought it was for fun," Xander whimpered, giving them a pitiful look.  Which the dogs mimicked.  Labs were excellent at the pitiful look as Don had found out when he let their water bowls go empty and no one had left a toilet seat up for them just in case of emergency.

Don moaned, walking off shaking his head.  "We still have to deal with it, Xander, even if you didn't mean to."

Danny gave his back a dirty look.  "I'm sure no one told him."

"The DPP officer said no one did," Sam offered.  "If they're bored too, this is probably a lot of fun for them."

Danny growled at him.  The ferret in Sam's lap hissed back.  He glared at the little lump of wiggling fur.  "Traitor."

Sam petted it.  "She knows you're upset and the daddy's upset."  Xander took the ferrets back and Sam took the puppies.  Xander was cheek nuzzling his littler babies while looking up at Danny with the pitiful look.  "Just think, he could keep going and win them all."

"Should he I'll be spanking instead of the others," Horatio said as he walked in with Calleigh and Dean.  "Xander, that's cruel.  Stop it."  Xander pouted but quit with the pitiful looks.  The dogs gave him one instead.  "Go play out in the back yard, dogs."  They ran out to go play.  "Sam."

"Watching a master at work in case I ever run into this and have to talk Dean out of beating my ass."

Xander looked at him.  "Pouts work best with him," he told him.

Danny pulled Xander up and stared at him.  "Did you know?"  Xander shook his head.  "At all?"

"I thought they were playing around. Concubines like them don't own things."  Danny sighed.  "I'm sorry."  He cuddled him with the ferrets.  They even decided to go down Danny's shirt and one climbed up on top of his head to cuddle him up there.  Dean snatched that one and sat down to pet it.  Xander got the others out and handed them back to Sam.   "I swear I didn't mean to, Danny.  I know the rules.  No poker in Miami with the thugs.  I was playing board games with concubines on a demon realm.  See, not breaking the rules."

"Still not good."  He stared at him.  "We'll handle it and you can give some back, right?  Or away like you did the box of stuff to the boys?"  Xander shrugged. " You don't know?"

"This is the first I've heard of it.  How would I know?"

"We'll check it out then," Danny said calmly.  "Until then, grounded for trying to pout your way out of it.  Two days in the house."

"We still haven't found the missing slayer in training yet," Sam told him.  "She's only fourteen, Danny."

"Then you two can be grounded to the house after you find her," Horatio said firmly, staring down Sam.  Sam nodded he had been helping Xander try to avoid proper yelling for that.

"Dad used to assign KP chores or extra PT," Dean offered.

"Mine would've used a belt," Danny shot back.  "Unless you wanna spank him?"

"No, he might like that."  He looked at Sam, who shook his head.  "You sure?"

"Very.  Thanks anyway, Dean."

Dean smirked.  "Good.  They think the wolves on a string was alien."

"Huh.  Interesting.  Can we prove it?"

"Not without a definitive sample," Calleigh told him.  "Something to compare it to."

"Tony's stones?" Xander suggested.

"They came up in the same category but not quite exact the same composition.  So nearby but not the same mine," she said.  She pinched him on the cheek.  "Where's the rest of the box so we can go through it?  Mac's coming over too if you'd cook."

Xander grinned and went to do that.  "The only problem is that the practice area's on the third floor now.  Not as easy to heft and tote presents up there."

"Yeah, I was wondering what the bag in the closet was," Sam called.  Xander squeaked and took off running before anyone could grab him.  Fortunately Don and Danny kept in good shape for catching fleeing criminals. A fleeing boyfriend wasn't nearly as fast.  He grinned at Dean.  "Did you peek?"

"Yeah.  Money."  He looked at Horatio.  "I know there hasn't been any poker games locally.  I have no idea when he goes to play with the concubines."

"Probably while you two are being research nerds," Calleigh teased with a happy grin.

"Take that back!" Dean demanded.  "Sammy's the nerd, not me."

"You don't do too badly in the research department," Sam teased.  Dean growled and Horatio wisely took the pets to put up before they got smooshed when Dean pounced.  The one that had been on the couch ran over to nip at Dean for taking his secondary human slave.

"Hey!" Dean complained, glaring at the ferret.  "He's from my litter, I can pounce and beat him if I want to."  Calleigh took the ferret to calm down and pet while Dean went back to playing with Sam.  He would pay for that remark.

Don walked Xander in and sat down, taking the ferret from her to give to him.  "Money came from where?  Tell Horatio, Xander."

"One of the weapons dealers thinks I'm a goddess of fun toys.   I tried to tell him I'm not female and my toys are only my toys but he seems to think I'll relent and let him be my partner in Miami's main weapons pipeline.  Which I'm not part of so I don't know where he got his ideas from," he babbled.

Horatio hummed.  "Do we have anything on this gentleman?"  Xander nodded.  "Where in the office is it?"

"Blue filing cabinet.  Under dumbass."

Horatio smiled but went to find it.

Calleigh looked at the boys.  "You know, since you're not really related...." she started.  Both brothers glared at her for that, making her giggle.  "You two are so cute."  She patted them both on the head. "Like human puppies."  She bounced into the kitchen.

Don gave Xander a nudge.  "Go cook then come back here."  Xander nodded, going to do that for him.  He looked at the offended boys.  "You two need more fur to be puppies in this house."  They groaned and broke it up, Dean taking one of the ends of the sectional while Sam got back into his place nearer to Don in the center.  "Sam, that's a table."

Sam looked.  "Huh.  Never noticed that wasn't part of the couch."  He slid over and sat on the cushion.  "No wonder I thought it was a bit firm."

"That's how I know I'm not a research nerd.  I don't make those sort of mistakes," Dean shot back.

Sam stuck his tongue out.  "Some day you'll be dressing up in glasses as a nerd and then what'll you do?"

"Cry later," Dean shot back.

"Boys, don't make me spank.  My hand still itches to," Don assured them.  "Dean, go get the box out of the SUV."  He went to do that.  "We can sort in here."  Sam nodded.  "Anything you saw?"

"We went to talk to some of his contacts about her.  We think she's somewhere by the race track with some sort of male protecting her."

"Pimp?"

"Possibly," Sam admitted.  "We're not sure so we'll be checking there tomorrow.  They closed early today because of the storm coming tonight."

"That's fine.  Let us know if we need to intervene in a legal way."

"Sure.  I can do that."  He looked at Don.  "You know he didn't mean to."

"Yeah but he didn't mean to win over ten mil from the thugs either," Don said dryly.  "He considered it gas money.  That's why he never kept track of how much he was winning."

"With his SUV, it could've been," he offered with a slight grin.

Don smirked back.  "True and it is.  Still not good to do."

"I'm sure he'll be more careful."

"He kept going back to poker with the thugs after we said no more," Don complained, getting more comfortable by putting his feet up.  The puppies came bounding in and leapt up to cuddle in his lap, still wiggling and now muddy.  "You two are all dirty," he complained but he petted them anyway.

"No mud on the sofa," Xander called.  "They like baths.  They're water dogs."

"Fine," he called, taking them in to take a shower with him.  They did like to play in the water and chase the bubbles.  Kiss barked as she tried to pounce them.  He took the time to dry them off as best he could before letting them go leap at Sam, Dean, or Mac since he could hear him.  Since Mac yelped at the cold fur, it was probably his turn to smell like a wet dog.  Don got into sweats and came out to a wonderful dinner with his family and looking at all the pretty things Xander had given away.

"You sure?" Sam asked while they were still shaking the stuff out of the box.  "This is a lot of stuff, Xander."

"I have plenty of stuff, Sam," he pointed out dryly, waving his fork around the room.  "We don't have room for more stuff."

"Sure."  He looked at one statue that came out, wincing when it pinched his nose.  "This one is either charmed or possessed."   He put it in Dean's lap for safekeeping and watched his brother yelp when it pinched him on the cock.  "Oops."

Dean hit him on the head with the statue.  Since he didn't have to worry about really killing him he could get him back now.  "Brat.  Should've drowned you when you were little."

"Adam said there was a child immie," Xander said patiently.  "But he said he was evil."

"He used to talk the older immies into taking him in and then killed them because most of them couldn't fight back against a nine-year-old," Mac agreed.  They all stared but he nodded.  "Duncan finally dealt with him when the kid came for him."

"Doesn't surprise me for some reason," Xander said dryly.   He stuffed his mouth when Danny looked at him.  "He was a bad guy."

"He was for a bit," he agreed.  "He went psycho a few times."

"It wasn't his usual thing," Mac assured everyone, making them relax again. "He's still in DC, Xander.  So you don't have to worry about him attacking you for knowing Oz again."  Xander nodded, eating another bite of his dinner.  Mac looked at the bundle of cash that had fallen out.  "Where's the cash counter?"

"I gave it to Steve," Don admitted.  "We've still got the finger stuff and gloves."  Dean gave him an odd look.  "Money often has stuff on the bills, guys.  Not only the ink but a lot of the dollar bills have drug residue from snorters.  All sorts of germs too."

"Did Ryan tell you that?" Sam asked.

"No, it's the reason all bank personnel who deal with money use hand sanitizer and we wear gloves," Horatio told him.  Both brothers shook their heads at that.  "We do have to be careful.  We had some a few years back, when I was new to the lab, that had been dusted with PCP.  The CSI with a hole in his glove ended up having quite a trip."  Dean shuddered.  "Exactly."  He went to get gloves and the other things they used while dealing with Xander's presents.  There was a whole plastic box of supplies.  He put them down before sitting down again.  Speed smiled at him for that.  "So we don't have to get back up."   He and Mac took gloves to count the money then checked each other's figures.  Speed took the stones to help Xander figure out what they were.  Calleigh and Dean got the rest of the weapons.  Sam kept track.  Don kept the puppies from helping and dealt with keeping everyone fed and with drinks.  By midnight Calleigh had a lot more stuff for her database project.  The Impala's trunk space was full of weapons.  They had split the money equally and everything else was put back into the box.  But that statue.  That was decided on as a special present for someone special in their lives.  In the morning they shipped it off to a friend who needed pinching now and then.  He'd enjoy it.  Or possibly curse their names.  One of the two.

***

Don sat down across from Steve the next morning for their breakfast meeting.  "We have found out that not only is Xander dangerous at poker and baccarat but he's also evil at some board games."  He slid over the amended folder.

"Do I want to know?"

"He had been asked to chaperone some concubines who were bored and playing board games together," Don said quietly.  "He stepped in when they suggested it.  He swears up and down he had no idea they were playing for anything."

"Will I need tums or rolaids?"

"I nearly went for a paddle," Don said.  He smiled a bit.  "Fortunately we calmed down."

"Good!"  He opened the folder and read the first line while sipping his coffee.  He didn't choke until the third line. "Excuse me?"

Don nodded  "Yeah.  We thought about offering Wolfe a place to set up a new temple.  Xander too."

"You could do that."

Don pointed a bit further down the list.  "They have a cult to Xander there for rescuing him and defeating the old owner/God."

Steve sighed, looking at it.  "At least the IRS won't tax it."

"We hope," Don agreed.  "Some of them are demonic," he teased.

"Don't tell me that.  I'll have to bathe in holy water the next time I pay his quarterly taxes."  He went back to reading the list.  He definitely needed pain killers, antacids, and some liquor by the second page and it only got worse.  "Does he have a new admirer perhaps?"

"Perhaps but he gave that box to the boys.  Calleigh got part of it," Don told him.

Steve looked at him.  "Do they need help?"

"Not yet.  They put it where you put the Vegas stuff."

"Good to know."  He went back to reading.  The urge to drink was getting stronger and stronger.  "Is any of this from Vesvold's will?"

"Not that we're aware of.  The how he got it column doesn't say anything is."

He looked at that column, groaning when it said he owned a jewel mine because he had beaten the other guy at hopscotch.  "Were they maybe doing this to hide their interest in Xander and decided this way he wouldn't protest their presents?"

"We considered that but the DPP officer said no."  He shrugged.  "Not a clue."

Steve closed the folder.  "Just a head's up?" he asked hopefully.

"As far as we know."

"Good!"  He smiled, that made him happier and not want to drink.  "Did you look at his last statement?"

"I did and I think it's time he weeds out the three new boxes."  Steve's fork paused on the way to his mouth.  "You didn't know he had three other safety deposit boxes with jewelry stuff in them?"

"No," he said calmly.  "I knew about the vault box.  I knew about the main one and the other one with the stuff that wasn't loose."

"He's got four more than those.  Three in the last few years from things he didn't want plus the present storage place, Steve.  He drops them off there by courier or they drop things off there because he tells everyone he doesn't want it and if they want it back they can take it from there at any time."  Steve whimpered.  "We got a letter from the bank saying one was too heavy for their building's insurance plan so we had to move it or something."

"I'll arrange for someone to evaluate them," he agreed.

"We can get the boys to cart them home and they can come to the house," Don offered.  "That way they don't starve."

Steve smiled.  "Thank him for the basket of chicken recently."

"Wasn't him," Don said smugly.  Steve moaned. "But I'm sure whoever would say you're welcome."

"When will this stop?"

"When they all die or after all the funeral presents have been received," Don said dryly.  That got a nod and Steve took one of the antacids in his pocket.  He had brought some just in case.  Then he went back to eating with a sigh.  "The boys are taking their final test with us in about two weeks.  We can let them help him.  It'll keep him from being so bored.  At least once they find the missing girl they're on the lookout for."

"Sure," he agreed.  "Ryan could use the training.  Want the money counter?"

"I'm hoping we don't need it," Don admitted.

Steve snorted.  "I'm sure we all are, Don."  He ate another bite.  "Eat, please."  Don dug in and ate with him.  "We'll figure it out."  That got a nod and they both decided having the boys deal with the people who dealt with those things would be easier on their stomachs.  Steve even arranged it for them so they had to deal with it for him.  He'd take the paperwork.  He had never imagined finance would be so nerve wracking when he went for his degree.

Or maybe it was just Xander and the boys.

***

Xander walked up to the railing at the dog track, looking at the extremely skinny young girl a few people up from him.  He sighed because she had clearly already found Miami's bad side.  He walked over there, tapping her on the arm.

"Not for sale," she sneered at him.

"That's a good thing considering I got told to find you."

"I'm not going back there," she said, backing away from him.

"I'm not a Watcher, Marissa.  I'm formerly part of the Sunnydale crew.  I'm not handing you back to them; I'm here to protect you."

"She don't need it," a male voice sneered.

Xander looked at him.  "Butt out."

"She's mine.  I protect her."

Xander smirked and held out a hand.  "Xander Harris.  Her new guardian."  The man went pale and backed off, waving him off before turning around and running.  He looked at her, weathering the horrified look.  "I used to play poker with the top of the bad guy hierarchy around here.  I'm known far and wide as one not to piss off.  Or else I get even."  He took her arm and walked her off.  "C'mon.  The only thing I'm doing to you is putting you in a shower, feeding you, and letting you talk to Buffy."

"But she's one," she said, struggling to get away.

He looked at her.  "She hates the council, Marissa.  She told them numerous times to blow themselves."  She quit fighting to stare at him.  "I live with two detectives.  I've got two hunters for students.  You're going to be perfectly safe and the Council will not screw with me.  I have every plan of giving you to Buffy's mom.  She could use someone to love again since her daughter's such a brat now and then. She doesn't like the Council either.  None of us in Sunnydale like the council.  Got it?"  She nodded slowly.  "Now, let's get you cleaned up and fed.  I swear I have plants in the garden that're thicker than you are around the waist."  He walked her off again.  He opened the back of the SUV.   "That's Sam, he's a hunter.  He hunts demons and things too.  He's one of my students since I'm teaching him a fighting style."  She nodded, getting in there with him.  He closed the door and walked around to get in and drive.  He even remembered to call Danny.  "Found her."  He hung up and called the house.  "Pull out something for her, Dean.  She's too skinny."  He hung up and backed out of their parking spot, taking her home.  The thug would tell the others that he had put the girl under his protection in case someone else came for her.  Because they all knew not to screw with him.  He lowered the window between the front and back.  "Marissa, in case you didn't understand I'm the guy that used to back Buffy up back in Sunnydale."

"That's okay," she said weakly.  She watched the town go by.  "You sure this is going to be okay with everyone?"

"Yeah.  If the Council doesn't like it they can be tortured," he said dryly.  "I can hire someone or something to do it for me."  She shuddered.  "We don't like them.  Don't worry about it."  He pulled out toward the house, taking her there.  She didn't like the neighborhood and tried to run once she was let out of the back but the puppies pounced her and barked until Sam came out to get her.  Xander pulled her up.  "I'm not going to hurt you.  At all.  Really."  He walked her inside and opened up the special door in the hallway.  "If you want, you can lock yourself in here for a while until you're ready to deal with people."  She ran into the other house and closed the door.  He opened it when he heard the shriek.  "Leave her alone!"

"You dare bring one of them here?" the demon complained.

Xander walked in and glared at it.  "Unlike her still being in training I have and will kill demons," he snarled.  It disappeared.  "Sorry.  This sub realm was gifted to me by a demon who wanted to court me.  That's why I have four ferrets instead of two."  She gave him an odd look and backed away.  "Don't worry about it.  If he comes back, send him to me.  Go down the hallway and you'll find the old master suite.  This is how the house used to look before the renovations.  When you're done showering, I'll find you something to wear then get you fed."  He walked back over there, leaving the door open.  She closed it again but that was fine.  "She's tiny."

"Those drawstring pants you have that shrunk in the wash might fit her," Sam suggested from the kitchen.

"Thanks, Sam."  He went to find them.  He had a few pairs.  The first he found he put back.  "That'll look bad on her.  Those'll work but probably be a bit short."  He pulled those and another pair out but they had a hole so he tossed them out.  He found a pair of boxer briefs for her since he didn't have panties or girl underwear.  Then a long t-shirt.  "She shouldn't need a bra, right?" he asked Dean when he walked in.

"Not today."  He took the clothes and headed over there.  "Hey, Marissa, I'm putting clean clothes on the bed for you," he called.  "You can put your other stuff in the washer if you want."  She peeked out of the bathroom.  He grinned.  "I'm Dean, Sam's older brother.  We hunt together."

"Why?"

"Because one tried to destroy our family," he said honestly.  "They made us into a weapon they hate to face."  She slumped and nodded.  He turned to look at the reappearing demon.  "Leave her alone.  She's still in training.  Xander's sending her to Buffy."

"Why?"

"Because she left her watcher's care," Dean said honestly.  "Apparently he's an asshole like others we've heard about."  The demon sneered.  Dean pulled his blessed dagger.  The demon squeaked and disappeared.  He looked back at her.  "He gave you boxer briefs.  I know girls who wear them and say they're not that uncomfortable.  Dinner's in about a half-hour so hurry up."  He left, leaving the house's door open.  He cornered Xander in the kitchen.  "I'm not so sure it was his fault.  I thinks she's scared," he said quietly.

Xander nodded.  "It's probably pretty common.  That's why I want to send her to Joyce.  Buffy's mom," he said at Dean's confused look.  "Buffy was never claimed by the Council and Joyce was a great mother until Buffy went off the deep end.  She could use someone to care for now that she's figured out what was wrong."

Dean nodded.  "That could help.  How?"

"Got that covered," he promised with a grin.  He nodded. "Set the breakfast bar."  He did that.  Xander went back to his steaming vegetables.  Marissa came over a few minutes later.  "Washer's behind the sliding doors, Marissa.  Go ahead and drop yours into there.  It's handled demon goo, it can handle dirt."  She nodded, doing that for him.  He pointed  "Sit.  Want milk, soda, water?"

"Milk?" she suggested quietly.  He nodded and got her some, checking everything else.  She watched him work.  "Why are you trying to help me?"

"Because it's the right thing to do," he said honestly.  "I don't want to see any of you girls damaged or injured.  I don't like the way the council does things and I don't like how they turned some of you girls into robots without emotions.  Some girls should be taken, that's just statistics and real life.  Not all parents are great.  Not all of you needed to be taken.  Buffy's the longest living to date and she wasn't.  That proves their methods suck."  He pulled out the dish and put it on top of the stove. "You're not allergic to anything, right?"

"No," she said.  Sam walked in with damp hands.

"No towels?"

"Damp.  I'll help you sort laundry later," he promised, taking his seat on Dean's other side. "Hey, Marissa.  Do you have stuff we need to pick up for you?  Clothes or things?"

"My watcher wasn't mean."

Xander put a plate with chicken in front of her.  "He obviously couldn't help you if you had to run away," he said firmly.

"I don't want to die."

"So don't die," Dean said with a shrug.

"Slayers die when we're young.  Like sixteen or so."

Sam coughed.  "That's only if you're called, which you're not," he pointed out.  "And only if you're not good."  She slumped.

Xander tipped her face up.  "As long as Buffy and Faith live, you're not going to be called, Marissa.  You could still die of a car accident or something but  you won't die from hunting unless you go out like the boys or I do."  She looked so confused.  "See, the way it works is one slayer's called, fights, and dies."  She nodded that she knew that.  "But the last slayer called is Faith.  Faith's still living.  She's in jail but she's still living.  You can't be called until Faith dies.  Faith's supposed to spend a very long time in jail so you've got years before you can be called unless something unusual happens and she's shived or something.   She's in a very safe place.  As for Buffy, her death won't call another girl.  Her death called Kendra and Kendra's death called Faith, who's still safely sitting in a jail cell for staking a human.  Buffy was dead for a while, or at least semi-dead and off this plane of existence, and it didn't get another girl called so you're safe."

She frowned.  "But..."

"No buts," Dean said.  "Eat.  You're smaller than most crack hos I've ever seen.  Eat now."

"I'm in the middle of a growth spurt," she defended.

"Then you definitely need to eat," Sam agreed with a grin.  "You need food to fuel the growth.  You don't want to be a runt, right?"

She shook her head, digging in again.  "This is good, Xander."

"Thank you.  It's one of the few hobbies I have that doesn't get me in trouble," he said proudly.

"It's not your fault they didn't tell you that the games were being played for things," Dean pointed out.  "Any more chicken?"  Xander gave him another piece before sitting down with his plate.  "We have steamed veggies, a rice dish, and a potato casserole too, Marissa.  Eat more."  He loaded her plate for her before digging in.

Sam winked at her.  "He did it to me many times.  He's a good big brother."

She shrugged. "I've never had one."   She dug in again.  She kept glancing at Xander.  These two guys read as nice, but strong and able to handle themselves to her.  Xander didn't.  "You can fight?" she asked finally.  He nodded since his mouth was full.  "You hunted and all that?"

"Yeah, then I mostly gave it up to only hunt the annoying things that come for me," he said, snatching Dean's belt dagger and throwing it at the demon coming from the other house.  Direct hit.  It screamed and faded out.  The dagger landed on the floor so he got it and handed it back. "Thanks, Dean."

"Welcome, Xander."  Marissa gave them both looks like they were insane.  "That one wanted him so much it trapped the whole family over there for a while.  Even made copies of the pets."

"He couldn't copy Hubert so he brought him," Xander said.

She frowned, looking at him.  "Why did they want to trap you?"

"He wanted me to marry him," Xander said with a small grimace.  "Instead of asking and respecting my present relationship he got pushy.  That's my usual reason for hunting these days.  When they get pushy."  She still looked so confused and young.  "I have a hormone condition that draws demons and others to me.  It makes them want to own me.  I don't want to be owned."

"Oh," she said weakly, digging in again.  "Why are you sending me to Buffy?"

"I'm sending you to Buffy's mom," he corrected. "Because I think she could help you finish growing up in a way that won't crimp your training but will be very secure and loving for you.  She did a good job with Buffy once she knew what was going on.  Buffy's my age."  She looked stunned.  He smirked. "I'm only twenty-four but she was called at fifteen.  Her mom can help you and if something really drastic happens, there's a former watcher in LA that *I* trust not to be a pussbag.  He was too young and untrained when they sent him to take over Faith but he's learned since then and he's been hunting with a Champion in LA for a while now. "

"My watcher said guys like that were posers."

"I'd like to see them on a hunt," Dean said dryly.  "Or even at that invasion last year."

Xander nodded.  "I'd have laughed my ass off.  No, Marissa, they're not.  They go out there with normal people skills, training, and most of the time some knowledge and do the same job slayers do."  She shuddered.  "Yeah.  They do it and usually live longer than slayers because of the way their support network works and helps them.  Those two have been learning how to hunt and hunting since Sam was six months old.  Sam's my age."

She looked at them.  "Why?"

"One killed our mother over my crib and tried to kill the rest of us," Sam said honestly but quietly.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not one of the sort that you'd go after anyway," Dean told her.  "This is a higher hierarchy demon like we'd go after.  You guys go after those born funny and on other planes.  We go after the evil bastards."

She stared.  "I don't understand."

"We can explain it tonight," he promised.  "Eat.  Xander's boyfriends spank hard."  Sam nodded at that.

"How am I getting to Sunnydale?" she asked.

"Plane," Xander said with a grin.  "I'm going to check you in like I'm returning you to your family.  That way someone's watching your back on the way there.  Wes or someone will get you off in LA and it'll be a few hours drive from there to Sunnydale."

She considered it.  "I like my watcher, Mr. Harris."

"It's still Xander, Marissa, and he's no longer in Miami.  The Council evacuated him to see how and why you escaped."  She slumped again.  "If he's not guilty of doing anything to you or anything like that they'll leave him alone.  If he was touching you or something he's in deep shit.  Okay?"  She looked at him, nodding a bit.  "Good.  If he did do something like that both my boys have promised to set charges here as well, that way he can't do it to another girl.  So I'm going to be blunt.  Was he hurting you or touching you, anything like that?"

"He wasn't always nice but no," she said quietly.  "He wasn't scuzzy like that."

"Good," Sam said.  "Then we don't have to kick his ass and hand him to Xander's lovers."  She gave him an odd look.  "Dean and I hate people who prey on kids, Marissa.  It's a definite need to get them gone and away from anyone they could hurt."

She nodded.  "I can understand that.  He warned me about people like that."

"Good!" Dean agreed.  "Eat more."  He put more rice on her plate.  "Xander, what're we doing about her clothes?"

"It's not a problem," Xander assured him.

"I ... I can't pay you back," she pointed out.  She was looking nervous.

Xander pointed at the wall nearest them.  "Marissa this is *my* house.  I bought this house.  No loans, nothing like that.  I made more than the cost of this house playing poker some weeks."  She gaped.  "Buying you a few outfits is nothing to me. I've done it to the boys often enough."  They nodded at that.

"He power shops," Sam warned her, stuffing his mouth.

"We've seen him hit ten stores in an hour," Dean agreed.  "The girls out there taught him bad things about shopping."

She laughed.  "I'm sure."  She looked at Xander.  "You're sure?"

"I'm certain," he promised.  "It'll take me a few hours and the boys can clean up and do some more sparring while we're gone.  We can even take the dogs since they haven't been out today."

Sam shook his head.  "We'll need them to guard whatever the bank is sending over," he pointed out at Xander's scowl.

"Why is the bank sending anything?"

"Something about boxes," Dean said, shrugging a bit.  "Don said he'd explain it.  Steve arranged it."  Xander whimpered and slumped, putting his head on the counter.  Dean smirked at her.  "Pat him on the head for me please then eat some more?"

"I'm not that hungry."

"If he has to nag, he'll tickle you into submission and we're saving you from his deathly pout," Dean told her.

Sam nodded.  "He can even out pout me and make me feel miserable for not doing what he wants.   He can even do it to the dogs, Marissa.  So eat before he wades in."  He grinned at Xander's new dirty look.  "You did.  You pouted the dogs into playing with you earlier."

"I was bored and it's not like you two play fetch or roll around on the rug with me."

Dean looked at him.  "You might turn me gay, Xander," he said, looking totally serious.  "Then what would the ladies of the world do?"

"There's too many het guys anyway," Xander shot back with an evil smirk.  "Who says they need you?  My side needs you more, Dean.  You have taste, I've taught you how to shop, how to appreciate good food and wine.  You'll make an excellent boyfriend for someone.  A bit new to the field but all the times I've taken you riding will ease the butt pain the first time or so."

"You can have Sammy be gay.  I'm not.  I like women way too much Xander.  Nice try though.   I'm sure the women will be very impressed with how you dressed me."

"Cordelia was never impressed with my taste," he shot back.

"She was a shrew.  Yay her," Dean shot back.

Sam nodded at Marissa.  "Dessert?"

"Sure."  She finished up her plate and let him dish her up some pie and ice cream.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Dean, I can't be gay.  If I'm gay, then you'd have to listen to me squeal in pleasure all the time and you said you never wanted to hear that again after I brought that one girl back to the motel when I was sixteen."

"Dude, you were loud!  Louder than Xander loud.  She wasn't but you sounded like you were in pain.  Besides, if you're going to stay gay, you can't pick up on Xander's habit of drawing evil women, like Cordelia was."

Sam snorted.  "Not happening.  Only women with taste want my ass, whereas you go after anything with tits."  He sat down with his own dessert.  He used his spoon to point at Xander.  "Marissa, that's a mild Xander pout.  Watch out for those."

She looked then pouted back. "What's wrong?"

"Sam didn't dish me up any."

"You made it, you can dish some up," Sam countered.  "Or else I'll take her shopping and you can deal with your stuff from the bank and wherever.  They're your presents," he said at the new shudder of horror.

"Which I left there so they could take them back," he shot back.  "I have no idea what's in the warehouse.  I don't want to know what's in the warehouse.  For all I care, they can take it back.  That's why I leave it there."

"Steve said he wants an index and pictures for insurance and tax reasons," Sam told him.

Dean stared at him. "Excuse me?"

"Before we leave."  Sam stuffed his mouth.  "Good pie, Xander.  I like this new crust recipe."

"Premade, Sam.  I didn't have the energy to roll out pie crust."

Dean snorted.  "Get it right, Xander.  You had plenty of energy.  You had so much energy you couldn't quit bouncing so you could measure.  Do something so they work fewer hours, dude."

"They said I couldn't," he whined. "I'm backed up and they're always working.  They said I couldn't help with that."

Sam gave him a look.  "What do you already have that could help?"

"Well?" he said, considering it.  "I could make a call.  Complain about all the work the lab's getting.  Someone might take pity on my poor, unstretched ass."  Marissa choked.  "Sorry."  He looked at Sam again.  "I don't think I have enough to keep them from doing that stuff though.  I'll have to look at my blackmail file."

"We'll take her to get jeans and things," Dean promised.   "You go pay someone a visit and get them to lay off for two weeks so Don and Danny can have a few days off with you.  I know you can talk someone into it," he said when Xander frowned at that idea.

"Well, yeah," he admitted.  He looked at Marissa.  "That good with you?  They'll get you jeans, sneakers, that stuff, but they'll make you wander around the bra shop alone.  Buffy made me go so I could go in with you."

She shook her head and swallowed quickly. "I'm good without having guys helping me there.  Jeans are fine."

"You sure?  I can make sure you look cute," Xander offered.

"Jeans are better and shirts are cuter," she assured him.  That got a nod and Xander handed Dean one of his unlimited cards then headed out to his corvette.  "Are all gay men that strange?"

"No, just him," Sam assured her.  "Gap, Dean?"

"I guess we could.  Finish up," he ordered.  She finished her dessert and they put up the few leftovers for a mid afternoon snack.  Then they took her shopping.  Steve could wait on the stuff from the bank for them since he wanted to deal with it.  Dean honked when they passed him at the gate.   He'd get revenge later on.

***

Don looked up as someone came up to his desk, frowning some.  "You okay?  Need help?"

"I think we need protection from your boyfriend," he said bluntly.  "He came to ask my boss to step in and stop the current crime wave so you could get home since he was so backed up."  Don groaned, squeezing his eyes shut.  "Then he let his hormones loose when my boss asked how bad it was.  My boss is presently rutting with a statue of a garden gnome."  He handed over a thick folder. "The last three weeks, those crimes were done by those people as far as we know.  Now be a good boy and go cure your boy's little problem?  Before he does it to someone else?  My boss is already planning on keeping it down for you."  He left, going to take another long shower before he found his girlfriend and her girlfriend of the moment.  He needed them and the boss would give him a bonus if he brought them home.  Even if he did have to shake the K-9 off his leg twice in the elevator.

Don picked up the folder and texted Frank and Horatio to meet him in Horatio's office on the way there.  He grabbed Speed, Ryan, and Danny as well.  Once they were all there, he put the folder down on the desk.  "Someone's bodyguard just came up and said that Xander came to talk to them about our recent crime wave."  Ryan moaned, sitting down to hold his head.  "Was it you who suggested it, Wolfe?"

"No, he said Dean suggested it," he muttered into his hands.

"I'll spank him later," Danny said.  "And?  Are we pulling a sudden move?"

"No, his boss, who was dinking a garden gnome when our boy left, asked how bad it really was on him.  So Xander let it rip."  Horatio whimpered at that, shaking his head. "That is a folder of who did what crime for the last few weeks as far as they know."

"Which crime boss?" Frank asked.

"Chuck.  Our geriatric crime lord who's pissed that people keep bringing him out of retirement to beat or kill them for bothering his city.  I have *no* idea how I document this.  Anyone got a clue?"

"Doing Xander until he's so worn out he dies again?" Eric suggested.

"Might help, yeah," Speed agreed dryly, taking the folder to look at.  "My homicide's in here."  He pulled that sheet out.  Then his other open case and handed it to Danny.  "Looks like we can take a weekend off too, H."  He walked off to correlate what he already knew with this semi-confession.  Chuck knew everything that went on in Miami.  If he said someone did it, it was a pretty sure bet.

"Anyone got any ideas on how to fix my boy?" Danny asked.  "We've been trying, guys.  Every night.  He's tired and falls asleep from it and so do we."

"A day of wearing it out could help more," Horatio admitted.  "I know Speed gave him something a few weeks back to wear out some of the backlog."  He looked at the folder since it was his turn.  "We think you've been clearing that day's but not the backlog."

"So a whole day of spoiling our boy, wearing him out until he needs a nap?" Don said.  Horatio nodded.  "Just the one?"

"It might take all weekend," he admitted.  "I don't know how badly he's backed up.  How long has he been stockpiling?"

"The last time we wore him out fully enough to act like the old Xander was months ago," Don admitted.  "No, during the trip after we sent Hubert home."

"That was more danger," Ryan told him.  "But that one day in the antigrav pool you could've gotten him back down to the basics of his hormones."  He stood up, taking the sheets Danny had sorted out for him.  The folder was still pretty thick.  "Should we deliver it?"

"I will," Frank promised, taking it to find his cases to clear.  "Our stats will be good this month."  He walked off shaking his head.  He would *never* date a GHS, even one of the lower level ones like Don Flack was.  They were higher maintenance than society girls.  He drove over to robbery/major crimes.  They had most of the rest of the cases probably.  He walked into the captain's office over there.  "We got information from one of our local overlords thanks to Flack's protectee."

"Why?  More poker games?" he asked dryly, leaning back.

"No, his protectee is a GHS guy," he said quietly.  "With the crime wave, no one's gotten home to help him deal with it.  He went to hormone him.  His bodyguard came up to give us information so his boys could have some time off."

The captain laughed.  "Really?"

Frank held up the folder. "Caine's shift and ours have taken it but Kowalski.  He's out at court right now.  I think I got all his."

"Which overlord?"

"Chuck."

"Damn.  That kid's got balls."

"We heard the bodyguard say something about garden gnomes," Frank said dryly.  The captain laughed himself into a red face and stomach cramps at that.  "So I think he's doing a public service this time because Harris might enslave part of the city if he doesn't get it taken care of."

He nodded.  "Could be.  That poor guy."  He took the folder then pushed buttons on his phone.  "Get in here."   Most of his team came in.  "We have gotten tips from a local overlord doing his yearly good deed."

"On those papers is what one of them knows about certain crimes that have happened recently," Frank agreed.  "Think of it as an encouragement to get a few days off, because homicide hasn't had any recently either, guys."

"Why is he doing a yearly good deed?" one of the officers asked.

"The boyfriend of one of our people went to ask for that favor since he hadn't gotten laid in weeks," Frank said.  "Made him feel sorry for not getting any."  He handed them over.  "As far as we know that is correct in who did it.  Chuck's hardly ever wrong."

They took the forms, passing them out to whoever they belonged to.  One smirked and walked out.  "Knew it but couldn't prove it," he called.  "Thanks, Detective."

"Welcome.  Don't let on the source."

"Sure," the others agreed, going to collate.  A few came back to check other cases against what they had.  The captain got into the system to match the detectives it should go it and sent patrol guys to deliver while Frank went to arrest and do his own paperwork.  His wife would appreciate him getting home too.

***

Xander bounced back into the house.  "The guys not back with Marissa yet?"

"Marissa?  You're bringing in a woman too?" Steve asked dryly.

"The missing slayer in training, Steve."  He gave him a hug.  "What's up?"

"Yearly inventory, Xander. All the safety deposit boxes we don't have an insurance estimate on and all that.  If they haven't taken it back yet they're not going to.  Might as well deal with it.  The stuff's coming in about a half-hour for you to sort and deal with.  Whatever you don't sell off or give away, get an insurance estimate from the jewelry store guy you usually use and file it with me and the bank when they got back into the boxes.  Then do the warehouse.  The boys can help, it'll teach them good skills they might have to use some day in case they start being gifted."  He walked out more smug.  He had gotten him back for all the recent headaches.  Yes!

Xander pouted after him.  "Meany!"

"Yay me," Steve called back.  "Still has to be done.  I've got to check on my idiot brother since he's in the hospital again after another car chase."  He closed the back door and let the dogs walk him to his car.  He smirked when the Impala pulled in.  "Just in time, boys, and you, miss.  It's time for Xander to do the annual inspection, selling off, and insurance estimate of what's left in his safety deposit boxes and his present warehouse.  Help him do that.  You never know when it'll come in handy because you've got your own stalker."  He got into his car and made sure the puppies were out of the way.  Don Flack would have his head if he hurt his dogs.  He backed out carefully and headed back to his apartment. It was such a nice day he turned his phone off, grabbed some food, and went to admire the pretty girls tanning and playing in the park.

Sam walked the dogs inside, putting them down so they could pounce the pouting daddy. "We'll help."

"I have no idea what's in most of them.  Mostly I tell them to take them back or store them there because I don't want them."

"Well, now we've got to get rid of some of it," Dean said as he walked Marissa in. "Cable works at the other place or you can help us sort, Marissa.  Whichever you want.  Change your clothes to the dryer."  She nodded, doing that while Sam and Xander started the next load of wash.  He sat next to Xander.  "It can't be that bad."

"It probably is.  The bank had to add more boxes."

Dean shook his head. "So we'll sell most of it and give the IRS their cut then be done with it."

Xander looked at him.  "If I sell it that's a sign that I need more stuff because I'm having money issues."

"Not this time.  Or hey, give it away.  Find some nice church and give it to them."

"Maybe."   He looked outside when the armored car pulled up, wincing.  "That doesn't look good."

"They're all that size, Xander."  Dean walked out with him, the puppies following to sniff everyone and growl at the half demon driver.  "Down, Hershey."  He grinned.  "Sorry.  Must be your aftershave."

"We know why they bark," he assured him.  "Mr. Harris."  Xander nodded and signed the form, letting them carry in the three locked boxes to the living room.  The puppies followed to sniff them.  "Thank you for your business, sir.  Let us know if you need to take them back and we'll arrange for a pickup."  He handed over his card and they got back in and drove off again.

Xander trudged back inside, staring at the three large boxes.  "Does anyone have the keys to my doom?"

"The other guy handed them to me," Dean said, holding them up.  Xander glared at him.  "Sammy, come help and take notes."  He put the first one on the floor while Sam brought out the 'dealing with the presents' box of stuff.  He opened the first one and stared.  "Um, Xander?"

Xander came over to look.  "Why did I get a dead, jeweled lizard?"

"I don't know," Dean said, pulling it out to look at.  "Interesting presents they give you."   Marissa got him a box from the trash to put it in.  The rest of the stuff they pulled out to look at and see if Xander thought it could be sold.  Though Xander did think about driving down to Little Havana and dropping it off on a church's doorstep down there.  He was sure they could do something with it.

By the time the jeweler got there, Xander had decided to do that and took the majority of things off in the corvette.  The box was heavy but oh well.  He walked up to the priest and handed him the box.  "Someone who does not respect my relationship gave me those to entice me to be theirs.  I have no need of them, no use of them, and do not want them.  Sell them or give them to someone who could use them."  He turned and walked out, going back to sulk over the other stuff.

The priest sat them on a pew and opened the top of the box, looking at them.  The jeweled former lizard on top was truly tasteless, but the thing underneath made him gasp.  It was a diamond necklace probably worth more than the souls he protected.  Beneath it were more jewels.  Some diamonds, some not.  He looked at the lizard then up at the crucifix.  "Thank you, God," he whispered. "We will use it to help the parish."  He took it to the safe in his office and called someone who worked in a jewelry store in his parish.  It was a minor place that sold cheap things but they would know who to call at least.  When he got there, he found two things had gone missing.  The lizard had taken a large, ostentatious ruby necklace with him wherever it had went.  That was fine, they had plenty left that would benefit the parish.  He came out after talking to him and the one he suggested they call, finding another box on the altar.  The lizard was back and it had brought another few things but not that ruby necklace.  Maybe the lizard was blessed and had told the man to bring it here?  He had heard of stranger miracles than god working through a dead, jeweled lizard.  He would have to have someone verify this miracle for him.  He carefully carried it into the back room and set it into the safe, noticing it was now sitting on an envelope.  Inside was a series of money orders that would more than cover the repairs they needed to do.  Yes, God worked in mysterious ways.

***

Horatio got the call he didn't want to the present warehouse.  He walked in and took off his sunglasses.  "At least it's not at the weapons on this time," he said in greeting.

Dean looked at him. "True, though we do need to move some things over there since someone gave him a case of grenades."  Horatio let out a small moan.  "Along with more pinching statues and a dead body or two."  He pointed.  "At least I'm hoping they were dead when they were delivered."

Horatio came over to look, nodding.  "It appears they've been dead a long time.  Looks like starvation."

"Don't tell him that," Dean said quietly.  "He'll think they died because they didn't know they could leave."

"I know, Dean."  He looked around at the boxes then at him.  "Inventory?"

"Steve said so."

"Hmm."  He called Alexx.  "I am at Xander's present warehouse.  Where he sends the things sending him things so he doesn't have to look at them and they can take them back when they realize he's not interested.  We have two skeletons.  Emaciated.  One with pretty decorations.  I do not know if they were like this when they were delivered," he admitted.  "Xander never comes here."  He nodded.  "That's where I am.  Please."  He hung up.  "Anything else?"

"Hand holding an orb?" Sam asked, standing up from behind a stack of crates.  He held that one up carefully.  "Looks older than most mummies."

Dean shook his head.  "Any more surprises?"

"Buffy's diary?" he asked, holding it up.  Horatio coughed and tried not to smile at that.  "By the way, Xander took the dead, jeweled lizard and a bunch of the stuff from the safety deposit boxes of stuff that he didn't want to a church he knew was having money problems and dropped it off."

"Good to know.  Dead, jeweled lizard?"  Both boys nodded.  "Interesting presents.  Sam, put the hand back into the box please."

"It's on top of magic books, Horatio."

He winced.  "We'll keep them safe."  He carried that out there to him.  Then they went back to looking over the rest of the crates, boxes, and all the other things stuffed in there.

"Why did Xander need a hat with a vulture on it?" Dean called a minute later.

"Like the one Neville's grandmother wears in the Harry Potter movie?" Sam called over.

"Could be," he admitted.  Horatio looked then nodded.  "Okay, still doesn't make sense."  He put it back carefully and they moved on.  "Shit!" he yelped, getting up and away from a box.  "I have no idea what that is but it's moving!"  Sam and Horatio came over to look at the box.  "Let's hope it was recently delivered."

"Or awakened," Sam offered.  He got carefully closer, splashing it with holy water.  Nothing but a tiny mewl of need.  He opened the case and looked at the cub in there.  "Awww."

"Sam, that's a tiger," Horatio said, taking it from him.  "Why were you in the box?"

Sam looked inside.  "To guard something."  He held up the pendant.  Dean took it to look at.  "What is that?  I know I've seen it somewhere."

"That is a Vatican treasure Pastor Jim was complaining had gone missing," he said grimly.  He looked at the tiger, who batted at the necklace.  Then at the rest of the box.  "Hmm.  Portal, Sammy."  He got closer to look at it then pulled the other part of the box over to empty it.  More things that should not be in demonic hands.  "Think the demonic nuns took them?"

"Could be," Sam admitted.  He looked at Horatio.  "There's a cloister of Coptic nuns who're all demons."  Horatio just nodded, walking off with the tiger to let him use the bushes outside while he called someone.  Alexx walked in. "We have a hand with an orb attached on top of magic books too, Alexx."  He went back to sorting, finding something he knew was demonic.  "Cronos."

Dean looked at it, handing back the pendant.  "Send that to a local priest?"

"I can do that.  Or Jim."

"They'd never take it from him."

"He knows other ministers and priests who fight the dark.  He can pass it on."

"Good point."  He went to help Alexx.  "Steve demanded that Xander do an inventory of the present stuff."

"Charming presents they give him."  Sam hiked that box out of the warehouse and to the car.  A small cub ran in and she aww'd.  "Aren't you adorable!"

"He was just guarding the holy relics," Dean told her, picking it up so she could pet it. "You're nearly as furry as the puppies are," he teased.  It batted at his hair on him.  "I know, I need more gel."  She laughed, giving it a good ear scratch before putting on gloves and looking at her new morgue residents.  "No idea why they're here but the pictures on the other one don't look magical in any way so far.  If so, we'll figure it out."  He walked off, finding Horatio out there looking for the cub under the hummer.  "Him?" he asked.

"Him," Horatio agreed, standing up with a smile.   "He was scared by the van's noise."  He took him back carefully, letting the cub lick his cheek. "I know, Timmy made a good lamb dish for lunch today," he soothed.   The handler from the zoo walked over cautiously.  "Someone meanly sent him with a few holy relics that were given to the person who rents this space.  He doesn't look starved or maltreated but we found him a few minutes ago."

"Would this be like the elephants we got a while back?" he asked Horatio.

"The same person got given him," he admitted.  He handed the cub over, watching as it sniffed this new person and growled.   "Calm down.  He won't hurt you."

"No, we love you guys," the handler promised, petting him, making him a happy tiger cub.  "He's been hand-raised, I can already tell you that."

"So releasing him isn't possible?" Dean asked.

"Probably not.  We'll see what we can do.  We'll need the owner to sign paperwork."

"He had no idea what was in there," Dean told him.  "He never comes here.  He told people bothering him with stuff to send it here."   That got a wince.  "We just found him a few minutes ago."

"That's fine.  Maybe that'll fly.  If not...."

"Mr. Harris is living with two of my people," Horatio promised.  That got a nod and he left with the cub.  "Should we call you if we find more?"

"Please."  He looked at the bodies Alexx and her helper were carrying out.  "They gave him mummies?"

Dean nodded. "Apparently.  Holy relics, all sorts of stuff in there."

"If you find more, let us know." He got in and let the cub curl up in his lap for a while, driving one handed back to the zoo.  He got out at the vet's office and walked inside.  "Remember the guy who gave us the elephants he had gotten as a present?"  The vet slowly nodded.  "This one was given to him with some holy relics.  They just found him.  I'm not sure if he's hungry or not."

"We can easily feed him," he assured him, taking the cub to look over.  "You're a good size but not mean.  You must've been bottle fed."  He put him onto a table to give the exam to him.  "Any others?"

"They're doing a yearly inventory before getting rid of most of it.  He found two mummies in there."

"Ooh.  Poor guy.  Someone has some very strange taste."

"Yeah.  Even though that's a pretty present."

The vet looked.  "Her."  That got a smile, they needed another female around the zoo.  The cub fell asleep while being looked over but woke up again when food came near, devouring it.  They got her more and she was a happy cub to nibble all the wet dog food she wanted for now.  They'd get her better stuff once they had bloodwork back.

***

Xander walked Marissa up to the security gate, smiling at the guard.  "Hi."

"In line, sir."

"They said to talk to you guys since she's a special circumstance."  The guard grimaced.  "I'm returning my friend's runaway cousin back to her."

"Ah.  How old?"

"Fourteen.  She's going directly to LA.  We have a friend of the family meeting her on the other side since her cousin doesn't drive and lives a few hours away.  This is his picture and his ID; he faxed it to us.  As far as I know she doesn't have one."

"That's happened in the past," he admitted.  He led them to the security office to fill out the necessary forms.  "There's a small loophole for these circumstances.  Do we have certified letters?"

"We do.  I have three here from different local officers about who she is and her age."  He handed them over.  "I know it's unusual."

"Runaways hardly ever take their ID's with them.  That's why we set up the protocol."  He looked at her.  "You'll have to sit with a guard anytime you're on the ground."

"Of course," she agreed.  "You need to make sure others aren't going to be hurt."

He nodded.  "Good girl.  Thank you for not wailing and trying to run."

"No, he's right, my cousin can help me more than where I was."  That got a nod.

Xander smiled. "I booked you on a direct flight so you don't have to worry about getting off and on, Marissa.  That way you can nap."  He handed her a backpack.  "Your stuff, a CD player and copies of some of mine, mostly classic rock since Dean helped me burn them.  Extra batteries.  A hand-held poker game in case you get that bored.  Two romance novels that were sitting on my shelf for some reason.  A sci-fi book I usually like but I've got four copies floating around somewhere."  She smiled.  He handed the guard a folded bill.  "Make her eat please?  She's still too skinny."

"I'm fine, Xander," she whined.  "He's been stuffing food in my mouth since yesterday."

The guard looked her over then nodded.  "If you were mine I'd tie you down and feed you, miss."

She rolled her eyes.  "It's a growth spurt, really."

"You're still a good twenty pounds underweight," Xander said with a grin. "Get whatever you want and make Wes stop on the way to Buffy's too.  That way you get dinner."

"Fine."  She sat down, earning a smile from the guard.  "He is *so* fussy.  His boyfriends are just as bad and so are the two guys studying in his library."

The guard laughed.  "Someone's got to fuss."

"I'm very good.  My boyfriends complain all the time."  He gave her a hug.  "You be good on the flight.  Wes knows when you get there.  I'll see you soon, Marissa."  She nodded.  "Now let me go feed other people."   He walked out, leaving her to make her way.  She was a big girl and a future slayer, she'd do fine.

The guard looked at the money then handed it to her.  "We'll get you something in a few minutes.  Let me file and fax this to your destination point so they know to let him into the security office."  She nodded, letting him do that while she waited.  Then he took her to pick out what she wanted of the really expensive airport food.  The guy had been right about her starving since she got a lot of food and finished off with a milkshake.

***

Xander pulled up in front of the CSI station and got out of his SUV, walking around to the back.  He looked around.  "If you want to eat, come help carry," he called at the two officers smoking.  They dropped their butts and hurried over.  "Here we go.  You guys wanted stew so I made a lot with garlic biscuit crust topping.  And some other stuff too," he said when one moaned.  They carried the disposable pans up to the break room for him and he got the rest of the things, winking at the captain.  "Since I'm creating so much work with the new inventory I figured you guys could use a good meal."  He put down his last few things and smiled at the boys.  "Thank you.  Dig in."  He left, going back home to help the boys deal with things.   It was unfair to make them deal with his presents by themselves.  Fortunately the jeweler had liked some things to sell them off.  Especially all the girl jewelry he had been given for some reason.

Dean was still probably teasing Sammy about getting some of his own some year soon.

He'd miss them when they left in a few weeks.  He'd have to pout to make sure they came back for a lot of visits whenever they were close enough and made it to all the conventions.  They liked to play and shop with him, unlike his own boys.

Aliens?  Really?

Notes:  starts after the boys leave in the SPN outtake.

Xander looked around his empty house.  Then at his puppies.  "I guess you're all I have left to take care of and fuss over.  We'll have to play more often."  Kiss went to hide while Hershey got a chew toy and curled up next to him with a pitiful look.  Xander smiled and petted her, making her a happy puppy to nap with her favorite pacifier/chew toy.  Xander could make plans so he had something to do later.  Maybe he'd nap too.  The dogs had a good idea this time.

***

Gibbs looked up as the creature appeared next to him then glanced around before turning into a human.  "That's a good trick."

"Illusion necklace.  I need to speak to two of your harem, Agent Gibbs."

"About?"

"Something Agent DiNozzo owns."

"Uh-huh.  So you're with the DPP?"  The man nodded. "Interesting.  He's in court.  Probably will be until tonight."

"That's reasonable.  Is Agent Sanders supposed to be in Nebraska?"

"No," he said dryly.  "He was supposed to be going for coffee.  I wondered what was taking so long."

"I'll bring him back."  He left to do that, bringing him back to him.  "When would be a good time to talk to them?"

"We're off at six tonight.  Sanders, you want dinner or at my place?"

"We'll pick up dinner and bring it over, boss.  Thanks for the save, man," he said with an arm punch for the detective.  "I tried, boss."

"Go back to your report, Sanders."  He looked at the detective.  "Do you see a lot of them?"

"Xander usually.  Mr. Harris has been very helpful with some problems and he's been nominated as one who can watch over the various concubines when they're bored.  They often congregate to play board games and things."

Greg snickered.  "Got that email from him."

The detective smirked.  "He swears he didn't know.  They're dealing with it now."  He looked at him.  "Seven would be acceptable.  Please have at least DiNozzo there and whoever he has to help him with financial matters."

"That's usually him."  That got a nod and the detective disappeared.  "Again, Sanders?"

"Not a clue, boss.  The guy just now was mean.  He got me before I could get coffee."

"Break room.  Do not leave this building."   He nodded, going to do that.  Gibbs looked at McGee, who was cackling quietly.  "Not his fault."

"I know, still funny when you get frustrated, boss.  You get this look on your face like someone who wants to paddle a toddler for being a little kid."

"No, if I spanked they'd both behave.  Permanently."  He got back to work.  "Reports, McGee?"

"On their way, boss," he said, sending them to him.

Gibbs sighed in displeasure but got down to the process of proof reading.  Greg was brought back again by the same detective.  "Arrest him?"

"This time," he assured him.  He left, going to finish that report.  He had time to kill afterward but that was the nature of the business.

***

Tony walked in last.  "We got you baked chicken with cheese sauce and rice, boss," he called as he walked into the kitchen.  "We figured that way you could have one meal Ducky wouldn't complain at you for since he said your cholesterol was up again."  He handed over the box then the pizza box.  "We can nibble that afterward."  He looked at the appearing DPP officer.  "Thank you for saving Greg earlier."

"Part of the job.  The same as notifications are."  Tony started to scowl.  "The people of your former husband have been looking for you to give you your yearly tithe, Agent DiNozzo."

"I don't need it."

"We don't care.  It causes more paperwork if you don't take it.  It ends up getting stored in our building.  Bad enough Harris had a whole closet full of stuff Mystyck had to shrink into a single box."

"We had some questions," Gibbs said.  "Some of the chemicals in the gems he got last time had asteroid residue?"

He frowned.  Then he checked his PDA.  "Well, they are from off-world," he admitted, looking at him.  Tony sat down weakly, staring at him in horror.  "Some of the portals do go there.  A few worlds where we do trade or other business with mostly.  Your former husband supplied a lot of present giving people."

Gibbs held up a sample.  "Any idea what this is?  We got it from Caine.  Someone gave it to Xander and he gave it to Dean and Sam.  A chain of carved wolves in this stone."  Taylor had sent it to Horatio and Horatio had sent it to Abby to see if she could tell what it was with other databases they didn't have access to.

He looked at it.  "Eternity stone.   Very hard stone.  Can only be carved by special high powered lasers.  They're very pricey and very rare."  He handed it back.  "I'll find them and let them know."   He looked at Tony again.  "Unfortunately they do need to give this to you.  It is a goodly amount."

"Warehouse?" Greg squeaked.

"Not that much.  I'd say a good sized suitcase full though."  He looked at Gibbs.  "As their harem lord, it is up to you and them where it goes when they're not being sensible.  Where would you like us to put it?"

"Bring it here if it's boxed up," Gibbs ordered.  "Could you also ask someone to come talk to DiNozzo in person about this off-world stuff?  We know people who would be very interested in that if you could arrange it in a few days."  He sipped his coffee and put the 'good for you' meal in front of Tony.  "Eat, DiNozzo.  Before you pass out."  Tony ate by rote while he got some pizza to nibble on.  "Would that be something we can arrange?"

"I think we can," he agreed.  "I'll ask.  Someone military?  We know that there's a project that has been having problems with the portals recently.  Crossing over to send to alternate universes and things."

"I know someone in them.  It might solve some of their problems."

"That would be most agreeable, Gibbs.  Thank you for your help.  That's another thing that gives our portal person headaches.  I'll bring that tomorrow with him."  He nodded. "Have a good evening."   He left to arrange that for him.  That way they could deliver those things themselves!  He was not a messenger demon even if his boss did treat him like one.

Gibbs put down his coffee cup to make a call.  "General, you know that project you slipped and said something about while drunk last year at the Marine ball?  We've just had DiNozzo and Sanders intersecting with it.  They have someone coming tomorrow who can brief someone if we have a liaison."  He smirked at the swearing.  "Yes, that one, sir.  Sometime tomorrow."  A paper floated down.  "Tomorrow afternoon, here at my place.  Long story, sir.  Just leave it at DiNozzo happened and Harris was with him when it happened.  Sanders too."  He hung up and looked at Greg.  "Pizza?"

"Sure."  He got a piece then sat down to eat and hug Tony.  Tony needed a hug.  Aliens were too weird unless they were coming out of someone's stomach.

Gibbs smirked, took the rest of the pizza down to work on the boat.  Those two would probably crash on the couch soon.

***

The Major who showed up saluted Gibbs.  "Sir, you needed to see me about our special project?"

"I think you'll want to talk to a visitor we're having this afternoon after DiNozzo and a few of his friends managed to go off plane while being kidnaped, Major.  Especially since the stuff he's getting today doesn't fully register in NASA's database."

"Excuse me?"  The chemical report was handed over.  He frowned as he read it over.  "We've seen something similar.  Where did you get this?"

"In some rubies DiNozzo got given when his former husband of ten minutes died."

He squeezed his eyes shut.  "And I thought Air Force problems were bad," he muttered.  Gibbs snickered.  "How did you know to ask for me?"

"General Langton had to be carted home last year after the Marine Ball and he spent the whole drive complaining about his daughter's boyfriend leaving her for Cheyenne and space."

"Oops."  He sighed.  "He was recruited."

"I don't care.   I figured if this sort of problem was happening you could at least act as liaison between DiNozzo's nap and these new people that the DPP are bringing to us."

"DPP?"

"Demonic police department."  The man looked so confused.  "What do you know about GHS, Major?"

"Not a damn thing, sir."  He sat down.  This was clearly a sitting down speech.  Gibbs gave him the short, sweet, given to military commanders who needed to know speech.  The major was gaping so he explained one certain GHS and how he had not only warped part of the US government's viewpoint but also a number of agents, officers, CSIs, and others' lives.  The rock demon detective appeared with a cloaked figure behind him a carrying a case.  "DiNozzo!" he snapped, waking him up.  "They're here."

He yawned but sat up.  "Sorry, taking a brief nap while waiting.  Long night having a breakdown," he admitted, holding out a hand.  The cloaked figure bowed. He stood up and bowed back, getting a nod of appreciation.  "I really don't need it.  The marriage wasn't my idea."

The cloaked figure shrugged.  "He was our clan's overseer.  His choice was odd but he knew you had an eye for beauty beyond a blade.  Our clan is not one of those that turn out assassins every few generations."  He handed over the case. "Those are yours by right of marriage."

"It only lasted ten minutes," Tony pointed out.

"So?  It was still legal by our standards.  He would have made a good second husband, one to take over your estate," he said with a nod for Gibbs.

"How long is this going to last?" Gibbs asked.   "Just so we know how long to tell people who handle these things."

"He is entitled to a tithe as long as he lives," he admitted.  "Then it would go to any children as long as they were made part of the clan."

"Not having kids," Tony assured him. "The dark blond with the pointy hair is mine."

"Then it is for the length of your life.  Once a year."  He smiled.  "This year was a good year of mining.  We had many profits.  That is your one percent, as is traditional for a spouse."

"Thank you," Tony said, sitting down.  "Would you sit and talk to us?  All I knew is that we were pulled there by the one who wanted us.  We all thought you came from one of the demon realms."

"We do good business with those who want present quality stones.   Otherwise we mostly do not associate with outsiders except when one comes to us for training or they come to marry and mate with us."

Tony nodded.  "I can understand that.  What little I got tutored in your ways was very complicated.  Just the cloak and makeup code."

He smiled.  "Your ways seem much the same."

"As we've heard before," the major agreed.

"We had heard you had some interest in our area of space?  Exploring?"

"Right now we're exploring some areas, making allies, finding out how bad a few species are," he agreed.  He unrolled a map he pulled from his pocket.  "This is what we have mapped so far.  We're here," he said with a point at their sun.

The alien moved over to look, frowning.  "We're not on there."  He pulled something out of his pocket and spoke into it, getting an illusion map above it.  It shrank the view until two dots were highlighted.  "Here is our colony and people.  Within the Empire's edge.  Here is yours," he said with a point at the second dot.

The Major stared.  "That's a lot farther than our gates go."

"You use the gateways?  The round ones with the symbols?"  He nodded.  "No wonder.  Those are fairly limited and made by an elder species that decided they were more special than others."

"There's an evil species that uses them too.  The Gou'ald."

"I have not heard of them but the Empire is safe from outside enemies most of the time.  Any assaults or attacks inside are taken care of swiftly."

The Major smiled.  "Do you think it's possible if we could talk to someone about getting a better map and maybe getting one listed with planet and species names and characteristics in case we run into each other again?"

"I will send word back through our clan to the colony overseer.  See if he will pass it back."  He spoke into the device again, getting some outraged squeaks back but he finally sounded grudging and agreed.  He nodded.  "He will send it to the military unit closest to us and they will send it back to theirs.  Would that suit you?"

"Of course.  I'm sure they'd have very comprehensive maps for defense purposes."  That got a nod.  "I thank you.  Many happy years mining, sir."

"May your profits show in your hard work as well."  He bowed to him and Tony, getting bows back from them and Gibbs before the DPP officer left with him.

The Major smiled at Gibbs.  "I could kiss you but you'd slug me."

"Welcome.  Figured it was your sort of contact situation.  All I would've done is offer him coffee."

"Her," Tony corrected. They all stared at her.  "Males of their species are bigger and females seem to be the predominant higher gender in their people from what little I saw.  Besides, she had breasts, she's a female."

"I'll yield that point," the major assured him.  "Thank you, DiNozzo.  Now, what were you given?"  He opened the box to look, gasping at the pretty, shiny things.  "Oh, my."

"Very," Greg said smugly from the kitchen.  "Any more of those Eternity gems?  I was talking with Charlie Epps and he said someone had hypothesized that a stone like that would be good for laser applications for medical and fine tuning work."

The major scowled.  "You told a civilian?"

"I am a civilian.  I'm also a scientist and Charlie has a high clearance."

"We're eyes only of the president."

"I don't know jack about your program, Major.  Get your thong out of its twist."  He looked at Gibbs.  "He also said there was a chemical report about six years ago that Larry was privy to that had something similar.  He was wondering if we could find that one and compare it.  He said it drove Larry  nuts for months trying to figure out where it came from."

"What report and what project?" Gibbs asked.  Greg handed over what he had. He looked at it then nodded.  "Probably could.  It's been decommissioned but you should ask Xander.  That's the people his people took down."  He handed it back.

"A military project 'taken down'?" the Major asked calmly.

"The Initiative," Tony said.  "We know Xander Harris.  He was on the team that broke them up for torture and other fun abuses of beings who simply look funny."  He looked at Greg again.  "Was there a lot of connection?  He has the full file that Willow downloaded."

"I didn't realize that."  He shrugged.  "Not a lot from our analysis but they did have an eternity stone there somewhere.  It was specifically mentioned by Charlie.  He called it that diamond that was impossible to cut or deal with."

"Interesting," Gibbs decided.  He looked at the Major, who was still looking a bit horrified.  "Yes, they have talked about that.  Greg used to live with Mr. Harris for a little over a year?"

"Nearly two."

Gibbs nodded.  "So he got to listen to him babble about stuff a lot."

"That one I heard more about the nightmares and asked so he'd get to work through some of it."  He looked in the bottom of the suitcase, pulling out a silver stone.  "I have no idea what that is."

Tony took it to look at.  "It's soft.  Softer than chunk silver."

Greg took it back.  "I can test a bit."

"I think we're more set up for that," the major complained mildly.

Greg looked at him.  "We're not giving up our lives for you either."

"We can confiscate that."

"Xander!" Tony yelled.  Xander ended up outside the door a few minutes later thanks to a ride he hitched.  Then he walked in.  "The major here thinks he can confiscate the new yearly tithe I'm getting from the short-lived spouse."

Xander nodded slowly.  "Doubt it since he has no authority to do so."  He squeezed the guy's neck, making him scream and Gibbs start to get up. "Sit," he snapped at Gibbs, who sat slowly.  He looked the guy in the eyes.  "You're from where?"  He mouthed something.  "Ah.  Heard of your happy project.  The DPP keep complaining because your project keeps screwing with their portals and people get trapped places, like we nearly got trapped on the incubus realm."  He let him go.  "You can ask for a sample.  You can sweet talk them into a bigger sample, but if you try to harm them for this.... well, somehow I managed to come into ownership of six different demon realms, three inhabited, somehow through various board games and a staring contest.  Am I clear, Major?  I helped bring down the Initiative.  I was Buffy Summer's right hand boy until she tossed me away.  I will make someone who hurts my friends very sorry.  No matter who they are.  If I have to steal him back, again, I'll make them so fucking sorry they beg."

"I don't want to but they could be contaminated."

"The last batch weren't," Greg said with a small shrug.  "You know, this could be the platinum stuff Speed thought was in the last few rubies."

"Could be," Xander agreed. He took the lump to look at then nodded.  "It's not silver but I've seen it worked with. Once it's formed it's basically indestructible by anything but high heat.  It mimics silver in weight, color, and shine but I've seen it made into semi- ceremonial armor."  He handed it back.  "I asked the other person who was enslaved on the fighting realm since he had some."

Greg nodded.  "That makes sense.  Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome.  Did you figure out what those wolves are?"

"Eternity stone."

"Like on He-Man?"

"No, like from people who aren't from demon realms," Tony said dryly.

Xander nodded.  "I had a few doubts about some of them.  I've ran into some species that couldn't be demonic.  Guess I was right and Don owes me a backrub."

"How do you know about these things?" the major demanded, hopping up.  "And who are you to barge in here this way?"

"I told you about him," Gibbs said, looking at Xander.  "How did you get up here?"

"I had the messenger demon bring me as a message."

Gibbs snickered.  "Cute."

"Thank you."  He grinned.  "Can I borrow Greggy for a while?  I need more evil ideas since my boys are still working too long of hours, even with crime slowing down."

"I heard why," Gibbs said, reaching over to head smack him.

"Ow!  It was necessary!  I'm not being worn out at all!  I don't want to enslave Miami or anything.  I'm trying to be good, Gibbs, and it helped a lot."

"I'm sure it did.  They'll have some time off once all the arrests are done, kid."

"Fine," he pouted.  "Still need an evil idea to get back at them for not coming home last night."  Greg motioned him closer then whispered in his ear, getting a laugh.  "Danny would spank and he does it hard.  I can't walk in wearing nearly see through pants."

"Go into a sudden dance number downtown?" Tony offered dryly.

"No, I got yelled at after helping catch the Mala Noche who killed one of the patrol guys who worked with the lab all the time by doing that.  Even Frank yelled."

Gibbs shook his head quickly.  "I've seen the DVD's.  Please don't do that."

"Hold a small, regional convention?" Greg offered.  Xander beamed.  "I knew you'd like that one."  He winked and Xander gave him a hug.  "Down boy."

"I am."  He looked at the major.  "See, not making of the happy today."

The major shook his head.  "How about this.  I won't confiscate it if they don't sell it until we can clear it.  We'll have someone talk to these new people and see if they can help us or if they're friendly."

"They're very friendly.  The one I ran into wearing something like the eternity stones in a crown was very amused and delighted by me."  Gibbs glared.  "I was getting free and their project screwed up a portal so I ended up there instead of at home.  She was genuinely sorry and had someone help me reset it so I could get back to the DPP.  Especially after I found a slimy fucker abusing demons for parts and fun and after she caught me having to beat his ass by sword fighting.  Had one on me," he said with a grin for Greg.  "Weren't you there with me?"

"I kinda remember the slimy parts guy in the marketplace.  Then there was a headache."

"You drank some wine in a thimble looking cup," Xander agreed.

"Oh, that time.  Yeah.  Never doing that again.  That was very strong wine."

"A thimble full got you drunk?" Gibbs asked.  Greg nodded.  "How strong is it?"

"I bought a bottle to bring back since he had such a strong reaction and his hormones went off the chart," Xander admitted.  "That way we can reference it.  It's got wax layers and the wine's between the layers.  So you break out a layer, pour, break out the next one and pour."

Gibbs nodded at that.  "I'd like to see some of that."

"If I open it, it'll go bad in about two days."

"Think we could do a needle aspiration?" Greg asked.

"I don't know.  You should ask Adam.  He helped me find the wine shop so he knows about that stuff."

Greg nodded.  "I can do that.  Boss?"

"That's reasonable."  He looked at the Major.  "That way you can get a chemical analysis of the sample as well."

"That's reasonable," he agreed calmly.  "Anything else you brought back that way?"

Xander shrugged. "I've been cross-realms shopping a few times but nowhere I ever recognized as not being in a realm."

"Fine.  If you think of anything, send them a sample, Mr. Harris?"

"Sure, I can do that since you're not one of the torturing bastards after all."  He stared him down.  Then he smiled sweetly.  "That's two R's."

He nodded.  "Figured it was.  Want to give me a dossier number?"  Xander looked at something in his phone then showed him.  "Why are you rated as 'do not touch'?"

"Hormones."

"Oh.  That.  Gibbs explained that to me."

"That's probably a good thing since the last guy that tried to claim him was a general and he came home begging for mercy," Tony said, looking at Xander.  "Or was there more?"

"I accidentally got someone while grocery shopping and he offered me his jet.  I got him back to base and explained it.  The commander knew and had an idea of how to clean it from his system so he's okay.  I sent a sorry note and he talked to Horatio, who sent Danny home early to nap on me.  They really do need to quit working so much."

"It'll be okay, Xander," Greg promised, giving him a hug.  "What about Ryan and Eric?"

"Eric and Aiden are having fights right now and Ryan's been taking classes at night so he's been too busy too."

"Damn," Gibbs muttered.  "Backlog, kid?"

"Badly.  That's why I need the crime wave to slow down before I go kill them all.  Or make them all drool or something equally nasty."

"You'll get it fixed," Tony promised, getting up to give him a hug too.  Xander relaxed.  "I promise.  Plus the DC convention is in three months."  Xander beamed at that.  "Make sure the wonder twins you're teaching show up."

"They left last week," he pouted.

"Disarm the pout, Xander," Greg ordered.  Xander sighed but cuddled instead.  He grinned at the major.  "He can out pout his two labrador puppies."

"That's a strong gift," he said.  He looked at Gibbs, who nodded.

"He managed to pout his way out of a kidnaping last year when some Asian tycoon wanted him as a pet.  Made him give him back at his own expense from what we heard."  Xander nodded.  "Soshar was very amused from what I heard."

"He was.  Horatio was too.  Then he sent Don home early to nap on me."  Greg pinched.  "He let him call in sick the next day too."

The major shook his head quickly.  "Is this Horatio going insane?"

"Caine?  Possibly," Gibbs admitted.  "He's been overworked recently too."  The major gaped.  Gibbs smirked back.  "Exactly."

"He's the reason Miami's been insane?"

"Be nicer," Tony snapped.

"Sorry, didn't mean to insult him," he said.

Xander looked at him.  "You make a good diplomat.  If I ever move people to my demon realms, want a job?"

"No thank you, I like my present one, Mr. Harris."  That got a nod and Xander disappeared with the funny thing that showed up behind him after he rubbed his necklace.  He typed in that dossier number, getting the full file to his PDA.  Which did not make him happy.  Apparently that young man *could* have his commission, life, and soul in front of him fairly quickly.  He looked at Gibbs.  "Have you seen this?"

"Yup.  Xander has a good mind for strategy when he's not backed up.  He used to be the planner out there before they shot up suddenly.  He and the crew down there taught Sanders a lot of things that have helped him at NCIS."  He put his feet up.  "So, what're we doing?"

"As long as they agree not to sell any more of it and let us have small samples, then we'll see what we can do.  I'll also pass on the request was made for diplomatic and/or military contact so we can get information on where they are and how they are.  Would your team act in concert with us?"

"If I have to," Tony said grimly.  "I'm not a diplomat.  I don't act that well."

"Me either," Greg said. "Unless it's a goth or death rock culture who loves hair dye."

"We find one of those and we'll call," the major said, standing up.  "Can we get samples tonight, Agent DiNozzo?  That way your Abby can have one as well?"

"I don't mind.  Gibbs?"

"Abby!" he yelled, brining her from the backyard.  "They need samples and Tony said you can have a small one too."

She smiled and dug out her tools to do that.  "He had me waiting outside.  Did I hear Xander squealing?"

"He came to save us from the ET treatment," Tony told her with a grin.

"Good.  You'd look sucky in quarantine this time.  The blue lights last time were bad enough."  Gibbs nodded that he agreed while he finished his current cup of coffee. The major took his samples and left. "Wow, uptight much?" she complained.

"Xander threatened him," Greg said with a grin.

"Oh.  Well, I guess that's a bad thing but less than the time he promised to hormone congress and make them go after Sheppard for touching you two."  She shrugged and finished capping her own samples.  "Anything else?"

"Xander has a bottle of wine he found somewhere near where this came from," Tony told her.  "It is strong enough that Greg got so drunk on a thimble full that he blacked out part of the trip."

She licked her lips.  "That's strong."

"It's in wax layers inside the bottle and if he opens the bottle and breaks a layer it'll start to age the wine and destroy it in two days," Greg told her.

"Hmm.  I'd have to look at the bottle."   Greg texted Xander and it appeared.  It was a small bottle.  Shaped like one of the old Italian restaurant's house Chianti bottles.  Long neck, round belly.  She checked and the cork wasn't sealed so she lifted it slightly to sniff then looked at the wax layers.  "If we had a way to teleport things out."  She looked at him.  "Ask the major if they do."  A note appeared.  Xander had bought two bottles instead of one according to Strife.  The second one appeared and the first disappeared.  She looked.  "This one has some wax layers broken but not all.  So I can pierce the next one and take out the sample."  She took it back to the lab to do that.  While it ran she looked up the major who had been scared earlier to send him an email about having it and a sealed sample for him.  He came to get it an hour later then left silently.  She smiled at his back.  It was very strong alcohol and a few herbs.  It smelled good.  Someday she'd have to try some she guessed.  She was open to new experiences. The other samples got ran and she forwarded a copy of the reports to him as well, just in case.  You never knew *who* was doing the processing on the other side.  They could be complete morons who only wanted weapons to destroy other people or something.

***

Ten days later the major appeared in Horatio's office.  "Lieutenant, I'm Major Paul Davis. I'm told that you know where I might find a Mr. Harris?"

"The military wants him?" he asked.

"We'd like to talk to him about some of the places he's traveled, sir, and some of the other things he's brought back."

"I see.  He did tell us of your last run in."

"I'm sorry I upset him and his friends that way, Lieutenant.  We do have to be careful about what gets released into the population however.  Who knows if they contain germs that could hurt others."

"I think that's why Gibbs had Abby and our people check things."

"Would you happen to know of other things we should look at?"

"A few.  I also think that Xander knows people who can give you better maps than he said yours was."  He smiled a bit.  "He's due in soon to bring us lunch.  His lovers both work in this building."

"That's fine, sir.  I can wait and come back if it's not a problem."

"As long as you don't cause us one."

"Agreed, sir.  Would you know where most of these things are being held?  Are they secure?"

"I can't get to them. Xander has an index list or he'd never remember where in the house he stuffed the never ending bags."

"Never ending bags, sir?"

"Bottomless.  Anything you can put through the opening will fit and you can keep filling it.  If you break the bag, everything in it disappears."

He nodded once.  "That sounds useful."

"They are, yes.  We've got an emergency kit in one.  They've been used to rescue Xander in the past as well."  Xander bounced in and handed him a wrapped plate plus gave him a hug.  "Are you done delivering?"

"Yup.  The receptionist said you had a military guy up here so I saved you for last."  He looked at the major.  "Crawled out of ET's butthole again?"

"We're worried about foreign germs that we have no resistance for," he corrected patiently.

Xander shrugged.  "So was the cold virus at one point in time.  Every disease mutates so we don't have full immunity."  He looked at Horatio.  "New recipe, a bit spicier than you usually like, but Speed moaned and nearly went to his knees so you might like it.  I already copied the recipe for him."

Horatio took a careful bite then moaned and reached for his water.  "Very spicy," he said.  But the spices were soothing something.  "Not bad.  On Greg's list?"

"No and I checked when I tried it at first and it calmed down some issues I was having that day.  He said he tested it and it came out ambiguous but person by person instead.  He also said that it only dropped you down five percent and it only lasted for a day and a half."

Horatio nodded.  "That's better than the herbs that nearly killed us then."  He ate another bite.  It was helping leech out his backlog.  "Are we sweating it out?"  Xander nodded.  "Could be a problem."

"Everyone here knows, Horatio, and it's only a problem if I'm in public and get pounced again."

"Good point.  Eat any?"

"Not in hours and I took a shower afterward."  That got a nod.  "Even Ryan said he liked it."  He grinned and looked at the military guy.  "What's up this time?"

"We'd like to examine some of your prior shopping materials and see if you can put us in touch with someone who would know how the star maps go together."

Xander nodded.  "We can do that.  Did they call you back?"

"Three days later and their people will contact us in a few days.  We were wondering if anyone you know knew about protocol.  We don't want to insult them."

Xander nodded.  "I know the one I met wore very little.  Less than _I Dream of Jeannie_ little.  Skirts were held up somehow at the waist, two panels, front and back.  Separated bra cups with no straps.  Hair."

He nodded.  "I'll make sure we don't stare then.  Anything else you remember?"

Xander shrugged.  "Not a clue but I can ask."  He looked around then rubbed another necklace and disappeared, going to talk to the guy who had taught him how to make portals.  He brought back two books and a map for him.  He was smiling when he landed.  "Mystyck said thank you for finally letting my boys help my backlog."  He handed over the diaries.  "Those are copies of his personal teaching journals.  How you build the portals and hold them steady.  That's how he learned so you can have someone like Larry and Charlie help you."  He handed over the map.  "That's a copy of the map he works from.  The place I ended up had a gateway here back to the DPP."  He pointed at the dot.

"What language is this in?"

He looked.  "Frosian.  It's a demon language, one of the original ones.  Eat, Horatio."  He took another bite and some more water.  "I left ice cream in the freezer."  Horatio smiled and went back to eating.  "It's not that hard to translate and I found an online translator.  Abby and Greggy both have it.  So does Charlie Epps."

He looked at him.  "I looked him up as well.  He's a good choice to help with these matters. We do have geniuses working with us as well though."

Xander shrugged.  "Area 51 nuts are all on my death list after they tortured demons without figuring out if they were harmful, harmless, or even children."

"I can understand why and we do not like that they did that."

"Then why were they moved from the UN to Homeland Security?"

"Identification."

"Yet they got a lot of stuff wrong.  Remember, one case does not a species rest on."

"You have a better suggestion?"

"The Watcher's Council are bastards but wrote most of the books and did most of the research without torture.   I wouldn't go to the one Finn knows but the main people are in England."

"I'll keep that in mind and pass it on.  Do you know if you brought back anything else from a non-realmal destination, Mr. Harris?"

Xander shrugged, then pointed at the dots.  "I've been to all the red dots, most of the blue dots and one of the purple dots to get people back."

He looked then moaned.  "May we look?"

"Sure.  Horatio, good?"

"Very good, Xander.  I'll watch where I sweat."

"You're not sweating in the A/C in here," he said with a smile.  Horatio looked stunned then laughed.  "See, good me.  Just don't go out without a shower."  He bounced off.  "I'll be home in an hour.  I have to check the present warehouse to make sure no one dropped off more innocent animals or dead guys."

"Please call if they did," Horatio called after him.  He wrote down an address.  "He lives there.  It's a gated community.  Present yourself to the gate, tell them you're there to see him about something he brought home from a shopping trip.  They'll let you into his gate if he's busy."  That got a nod and the major left.  Horatio dug into his lunch again.  It was very good.  The spices were a bit high for him but he could stand that and it was helping his backlogged state.  Since he had inadvertently made the Police Chief give his department a raise by accident earlier, it was needed.  Before his boss caught on and yelled then cut his budget like he planned.

***

The Major sat down in his office two days later, letting out a small moan when someone knocked then walked in.  "Sir, I'd salute, but I'm exhausted after watching Mr. Harris bounce."  Even sleeping on the plane hadn't helped that much.

"I've met him before," he assured him.  "Salute next time, Major.  What did you find?"  The list and pictures were handed over as well as the analysis the local lab had done for him off to the side.  "What's the two books?"

"Training journals of how their kind make portals.  Plus a map of common destinations that only need a hit of energy to open. Which is how Mr. Harris usually does his.  He has one in his backyard."

"Okay."  He went back to reading it.  "Are they readable?"

"We have the address of an online translator."

"Good.  That's a good step.  Carter will be pleased."

"She can ask Scuito for it herself since she's having a horrible day.  I got a warning when I landed."

"That's a reasonable precaution with NCIS really."  He kept going.  "This lyre....  Is that what I think it is?"  Davis nodded.  "What's it made of?"

"The same silver-like material, sir.  No idea what they call it yet."

"We call it damn handy in weapons research," he admitted.  "Is Mr. Harris still upset with us?"

"Only some of us.  He got his point across with me and his dossier is very thin compared to the man in person, sir.  Area 51 personnel should probably never come near him.  He will kill them.  The same as he will anyone in the Initiative.  He also told me to quit using them, they grabbed any source and didn't make sure that their results were typical or even on adults."  That got a wince and hiss.  "He's very upset with them about going after harmless things and little things.   He gave me the name of the organization he learned from."

"Even better.  Anything else?"

"Did you know the demons had their own police department?  They're incredibly nice since they consider our project a big pain in the butt, sir.  We mess up their things, their portals mess up our stargate.  One of the AU incidences is because of that."  That got another wince.  "And the quantum mirror thing?  They have an explanation and a way to harness it.  It's in the second training journal.  She may not skip ahead.  It's to be done in order."

"I'll let you tell her that.  Anything dangerous?"

"Only Harris himself.  I have no idea how he enslaved a part of the city but he got frustrated, let out a shriek of outrage then let it go on someone.  Pity about that part of the city being very calm the rest of the day after half of them rutted themselves into a nap."  The general shuddered.  "Is your daughter still complaining that we recruited her boyfriend?"

"She's found a decent new one that I hate," he admitted. "I'll be watching my alcohol consumption at this year's ball, Major.  I promise.  Gibbs was a good choice.  He knows more than we think."

"Somehow he manages to work with two of the people like Harris, sir.  I'd salute the man if he was a civvie for that."

"I asked him how once.  He said they wear each other out."

"Good to know.  Anything else, sir?  I'm heading out there tomorrow to report."

"Not if you don't have anything else for me."  He handed back everything.  "Good job."

"I'm much more diplomatic than I thought, sir.  Mr. Harris made sure I knew where my line was when he was confused and bouncing.  The rest of the time he's fairly nice."

"Good to know.  Take a nap, Major, then make travel arrangements."  He left him alone to nap on his couch.

Davis decided the ten feet was too far to walk and stayed where he was, napping there.   Though he would have nightmares about GHS taking over the universe and his precious project.  Their enemies might be amused but what could GHS members do to Gou'ald?

***

Later that night Don walked into the house and was already unbuttoning his shirt. "Xander?" he called.

"He's hiding," Danny called back.  Don joined him in the bedroom so he pointed.  "He's mad at himself for losing control that way."

"We'll fix it tonight and tomorrow and possibly the next day too," Don said.  He walked over there and opened the closet door.  "Getting mad and frustrated at the gay basher isn't a bad thing, Xander.  Losing control was.  We're not mad and the Chief agreed you couldn't hold it in."

"Should be able to," he said, giving him a miserable look.  "I tried, Don.  I promise I did."

"I know you did.  It was too much for you.  C'mon.  We've got the next three days off to help calm you down again."  He pulled Xander up and over to the bed, laying down behind him to tease him.  "Danny, isn't he not in trouble?"

"Nah, not in trouble.  Even Horatio and Speed said it was inevitable."  He smiled at him.  "We've been trying."

"I've done everything," he assured them.

"We know, Xander," Don whispered in his ear, getting a shiver.  "Now, let's tease Danny.  If we tease Danny good enough, he'll pounce."  Xander shivered again.  Don's hand moved to stroke down his naked chest, making Danny hum in pleasure before stripping off.   "See, he wants ta pounce," he assured him.  Xander shifted so the hand moved lower to his stomach.   Danny was clearly reacting to what they were doing.  Xander too.  He loved to tease.  The hand moved down to tease the hardening cock, making Danny very interested. Don too.  Xander was getting there and Danny had good reason when he pounced a few minutes later to take over and love their boy into their ancient bed.  Don got his turn and it was nice.  Xander was already lower from the outburst earlier so it was easier to wear him out this time.

They'd have to make sure it never happened again.  Even if they had to cut back to half- time again.  Xander needed them.

***

Dean looked up from his tv surfing when Sam made a squeaky noise.  "What happened?  New case?"

"Email from Xander.  The DC convention is in less than two months.  Reservations are on the GHS website."

"We can go," Dean promised.  "Any other news?"

"Tony's five second marriage that happened during that trip we didn't go on to say goodbye to Hubert ended up being an alien."  He looked at him.  "And Xander had a hormone explosion.  Got a good few blocks at least on a gay bashing meter maid who was going to boot his 'vette for being with Danny and Don.  They got into it because he has no tickets or anything like that and she said it didn't matter, only her word did.  The argument got heated enough that a patrol cruiser stopped when they saw it going on.  They checked, Xander was in the clear but she tried to do it anyway since he was so evil for being gay and corrupting the department.  He got so frustrated he let it out."

"It happens," Dean agreed.  "We were warned about that.  That's another reason why backlogging is so dangerous."

Sam nodded, turning back around.  "He went home to hide.  He said he's not in trouble but they're taking a few days off to help him calm back down."

"Alien?"

"Yup."

"Charming.  Military coming for us?"

"Nope.  The guy they talked to about it said that if he *ever* saw a GHS member in the military he'd have them removed as being unfit for duty due to their hormone condition.  He caught Xander that same day and he was still backlogged."

"I remember those days.  There's probably a few."

"Four," Sam agreed.  "By the website.  I'm sure the higher ups know by now."

"Hopefully.  If not, maybe Tony can tell them."

"Maybe.  Oh, one from Charlie Epps.  He's managed to figure out how the GHS controlling robot works and they're able to extend it to other fields."  He sent back a congratulations.

"GHS controlling robot?" Dean asked, considering that statement.  "Why do I think there's someone who wanted Xander in there somewhere?"

"You'd be right.  A long term wanter who had met him back when he was working in New York.  He created a whole island full of robots and left it to Xander when he died.  They were all set up to clone baby Xander's and keep going for eternity as long as he followed the few rules.  From what he said, when he brought one back to test for other uses through

Tony's boss Gibbs one of them chased one of them around a military base with a sex toy attached to its hand begging to let it cure his surge."

Dean snickered.  That was a funny image.  "Like on the movie with the lost spaceship?"

Sam shook his head, turning to look at him.  "Totally realistic, dude.  Can't tell without a magnet or a cavity check realistic.  They found he had put some in government offices to help him control things and make more money based on what they were doing so he had knowledge of where to hedge his bets.  They found four in the Pentagon and couldn't tell."

"Damn," Dean said, looking awed.  "That good?"

"That good.  Most of them were confiscated just in case by the military to see if they could reprogram them.  One broke in to try to steal Xander back to the island.  That one went to Charlie and Larry.  They've had a lot of fun talking to him and getting into his computer code."

"Anything we can use in hunting?"

"Some day we may be replaced," Sam teased.

"Then we'll retire and run a gear shop," Dean shot back.  "Sell them all the motor oil and bullets they need."

"Sure, if you think we'll be able to make a profit doing that," Sam teased.

"Hey, I can sell ice cubes to eskimos."

"If you say so."

"I do.  Anything work wise?"

"Not yet.  Just Xander pouting."

"Yeah, well, expected that," he admitted.  "The guy really needs someone to stay home with him all day like Greg used to.  That way he has someone to play with and help him do things when he gets backlogged."

"He didn't have much backlogging when he was with Greg," Sam told him.  "Danny said so."

"So maybe they'll take in another CSI and it'll be okay."  He changed the station again.  "Crappy cable here," he muttered.

"It happens," Sam pointed out.  He logged off and went to lay on his bed, watching whatever Dean could find.  He finally took the remote, found the cooking channel, and planted it there.  "Now, it feels like his house."

"Maybe one of us can learn to cook like that.  Mom wasn't a great cook but she was okay.  I'm sure she'd like it if we could end up doing more than boiling water."

"You were taking lessons from Xander with the way you watched him cook."

"I was," Dean admitted with a grin.  "Do remember Marissa's face when she saw the pyrex dildos in the dishwasher?"

Sam laughed.  "Oh, so funny.  She nearly puked dinner thinking that they had been washed with the dish she ate off of.  Him explaining that they were just dusty and he had never run dishes with the dirty ones, then he ran a cleaning cycle afterward didn't calm her down much."

"Didn't me either the first time but he said those things are really handy."

"Guess they are.  Expensive though.  I looked one up online and it was like three hundred bucks."

"When you can win the cost of that house in a few poker games...."

"True."  They shared a smirk.  They hoped Xander's card luck rubbed off on them.  They even prayed for it.  Dean had done good in Vegas with their stash to build up their funds.  Plus what they got from that box....  "What was in that small box?"

"Sex toys."   Sam grimaced but Dean decided it could help his perpetually backed up brother.  Poor guy, never getting laid.  And Xander had sent them with a few sex toys too.  He called it an emergency pack.  Well, let's see what happened when Sammy backlogged this time.  Sam finally fell asleep after stripping down to his boxers.  Dean snuck out to get what he needed.  The instructions were in the thing, carefully printed by Xander's hand.  Which helped a lot.  He made sure Sammy was really asleep then unwrapped the new toy and carefully slid the cuff down the right spot as far as he could.  Then he turned it on and went to take a shower.  He heard the needy noises but that was fine with him.  He heard Sammy swear and went out to get one of the other ones, handing it, a condom, and lube over.  "Clean it if it's nasty later."  He went back to his shower.  Sam finally came and went quiet so he got out and went to bed once he was in his clean boxers and t-shirt.  Sam was sprawled out like a cat.  He casually flicked the sucking machine off and it was good.  Yeah, that'd help when Sammy couldn't find a date or his hand.  It was a great going away present.  Even if his father would be screaming somewhere in the afterlife.  Very loudly probably.  Probably for a very long time, but then again this whole GHS thing would drive him nuts.  He was a firm believer in your body not ruling your life.  Dean climbed into his bed, comfortable and sure that Sammy couldn't get him back this time.  He'd have to be careful but Sammy wasn't that sneaky.

Super GHS Xander to the Rescue!

Notes:  Pretty much the whole Imaginings list wanted me to do this idea.   So I'll give it a try.

Xander looked up from his suntanning in the backyard of his house in Miami as a demon he knew pretty well from some poker games appeared.  "What's up?  Going to pay me the kittens you owe me?" he asked with a small grin.

"No.  I came to tell you that there is one who is nearly as wanted as you are."  Xander lowered his sunglasses to stare at him.  "If it would cancel my poker debt I would gladly give you this information."

"I can handle that instead of a herd of cats.  Who is this one?  Do they know about the group?"

The demon sat in front of him.  "The one who is wanted is younger.  Barely into his adulthood.  They think he broke out when he hit his maturity."  Xander nodded slowly at that because that was a common thing among other GHS.  "They say he is from another dimension, not far off this one.  That he has magic and is less provoked to the fits you throw that destroy realms."  Xander just smirked at that.  "That there is one major villain, not a demon but a human changed one, who wants him badly enough that he might be given to them as a present."

"Oh, hell no!" Xander said dryly, sitting up and pushing his sunglasses back up his nose once he was on his knees.  "How do I get there so I can tell the poor kid?  We *all* know I'm not going to let a kid get hurt or kidnaped."

The demon smiled.  "I can give you the coordinates and a charm to make sure you're in the right realm."

"Please."  The demon handed it over.  "What's his name?"

"That I do not know.  I know he is called Chosen while you are still called Knight."  He bowed and Xander kissed him on the forehead.  "Thank you, Knight."

"Welcome.   Next time, don't bluff that badly, dude."  He stood up.  "If anyone asks, I'm using that neutral meeting realm that Vessie left me to talk to him."  That got a nod.  "Do we know anything else about him?  His home life?  Is he already taken by a keeper?  Anything?"

"Not at the moment.  I would go there and watch for a few minutes before I would interrupt."  The demon stood up.  "It is said that Chosen is not much different than you and they are very hungry waiting to see where he levels out at."  The demon disappeared.

Xander walked into the house, patting his dogs on the head as he headed for the bedroom.  A quick shower, a change into something he could fight in but look respectable in.  He didn't want to show up in leathers this time.  Dress clothes made a better first impression, but he'd pack a bag to take with him.  Including more weapons.

One of the never-ending bags was found and filled with clothes, money and gems for ready cash, and a few select weapons he might need.  He put on his shoes, his sunglasses, then wrote his boys a note.  Helping another GHS who just broke out.  Be home soon, going off realm.  That should give them all they needed to know.  He rubbed the necklace that got him to the meeting realm Vesvold had left him when he had been assassinated, looking around it.  A bit of cleaning... and then a scrying spell.  What he saw....  Yeah, the kid was like a minor verison of him and Buffy put together.  That was not going to be allowed on his watch.  Xander watched for a few minutes, waiting until it was dark.  Then he got an idea.  He needed some help.  He summoned his last students, covering their mouths and pointed at the scrying pool.  "He just broke out, guys."

Dean and Sam Winchester stared at the scrying portal.  Then they looked at him.  "What's so big about him?" Dean asked finally.

Xander grinned and changed something to show him.  "That one wants him.  When I first started to scry his recent history, he was just in a battle with that thing and his forces of evil.  He's a changed human.  Looks like a partial demonic transformation for power."

Sam stared at it then at him.  "How high do we think he is?"

"The one who canceled his kitten poker debt by telling me said they're drooling over the kid like they do me.  He just broke out."

Dean nodded.  "So you'll pull him wherever here is, tell him the necessary things, and then send him back?" he suggested.

"I might stick around to view a bit more.  I have the feeling there's some deeper shit going on in his life, guys.  But I need someone to guard us.  If he's that wanted...."

"We'll have another of those amusing chase scenes on a demon plane?" Sam asked dryly with a grin.

"Probably," Dean agreed.  "Okay, now what?"

"Now, let's go talk to our new student."  He opened the portal, walking out and nudging the boy before sitting beside him.  "Hey, Xander Harris.  We've got to talk about this hormone problem of yours, Harry."

"How did you know and where did you come from?" he asked quietly, sitting up.  Xander pointed at the portal.  "How on earth?"

Xander grinned.  "Different form of magic."  He winked.  "I know about the hormone thingy because I have it too.  I'm here to teach you what you need to know to handle it and not be sold into slavery or kidnaped into it."  The door opened and Xander stared at the very hefty man standing in the doorway.  "I was sent to tutor Harry in a new physical problem he has."

"Another freak like him?" he sneered.  "You can tell by the hair."

Xander stood up and pulled his gun out, pointing it at him.  "No, I'm not like him."  He smirked.  "But I am a combat veteran of many apocalypses.  We'll be taking Harry safely somewhere for about a week and then bring him back before school starts.  He'll be very safe and you can tell whoever that I'll keep him safe from *all* sources of problems.  From demons on down."

"How did you get in here?" he demanded.  Xander pointed at the portal behind him.  "How did you do that?" he said, looking miserable.

"Different forms of magic.  Up, Harry.  Dean?"  He came out of the portal.  "Help him get his stuff please?"  Dean nodded, helping the kid gather his stuff.  A small demon appeared, glaring at him.  He stared down at it, making his hormones jump up a bit.  It gaped in awe then hugged his knees before helping them pack.  "Huh.  What are you?"

"House elf," Harry said.  "They'll get me for that magic."

Xander snickered.  "Harry, that's demonic magic.  They're not picking that up.  It's nothing like what you guys do."  Harry stared at him in horrified awe.  "I've been kidnaped by a few, kid.  You're about to be.  That's why someone kindly canceled their poker debt to tell me about you so we could get you guarded and helped.  Now, hurry up.  The portals are a pain in my hair."

Dean smirked at him.  "I still say that's too much hair for anyone, Xander."

"Well, yeah, but my boys like it."  He grinned at the older man, making him turn and flee.  "Good, I'm glad my gayness scared him off.  He kinda stinks a bit.  Must've been sweating."  He put back his gun.

Harry grabbed his wand, getting the rest of his stuff that had been hidden with a simple accio.  He wrote out a note and Xander added to it, making him smirk.  "They'll still panic."

"They'll panic less if we get you settled down.  Otherwise someone might sell you into physical, sexual slavery, kid."

Dean sighed, nodding.  "Someone tried that with us the other day."

"Sammy get 'em?" Xander asked.  "Or is that my fun?"

"Oh, we got 'em," Dean assured him.  He looked at the owl that was on the windowsill.  "Into the cage, bird."

"Hedwig, it's all right."  She tried to fly off.  Dean caught her around the middle.  "Don't hurt her."

"I'm not.  I've got her feet gently so she can't claw me.  It's not hurting her, Harry.  I promise.  I don't hurt kids or creatures unless they're killing people."  He walked the owl through the portal.  Sam came to help Harry carry his trunk.  Xander followed and closed the portal behind them, leaving it open a crack so he could monitor the situation via scrying spell.  Harry set the cage down and Sam found a better perch with a fake tree, hefting it over next to the cage for the poor thing.  Dean carefully put it over the branch, staring at it.  "I'm going to let you go, there's a branch right under you, bird."  He let go and she clutched on, hooting when Harry came over to check her.  "She's a familiar?"

"And my mail bird, and a friend," Harry agreed, giving him a weak smile.  "Demons want to kidnap me?"

"Harry, with your hormones fluxing the way they are, everything and everyone wants to kidnap you," Sam said, patting him on the back.  "I set up a testing kit, Xander."

"Cool beans."  He walked Harry over to the sitting area.  "This is a neutral demon realm, a meeting area.  I was left it by a very good friend when he died."

"You know good demons?" Harry asked, looking confused.

"Yeah, I know a few of them.  Vesvold was on the High Council over demons.  He was negotiating a few peace treaties between clans when one of them had him assassinated."  He swallowed.  "Anyway," he sighed when Sam gave him a shoulder pat.  "Recently, you've probably felt cloudy headed?"  Harry nodded slowly.  "And you do something pleasurable, especially sex, and it gets better suddenly?"

"Yeah.  The nurse said I had increased pheromones for some reason.  She wasn't sure why."

"We know," Sam assured him.  "There's a group in our realm called GHS.  It's for people who have that same condition."

Xander nodded, pulling out the information packet.  "Don't let the name fool you, Harry.  We started out as a support group among concubines."  He let the kid read it over, then stare at them in horror.  He grinned.  "Let's do the level testing."  He pointed at the test kit.  "Sam and Dean are level fives.  I'm a level ten and usually pretty backed up, which as you read is dangerous."  Harry nodded.  "Three drops of blood on the square of gauze, kid."

Harry nicked himself and added the blood, watching as Xander dropped the droppers of liquid onto the pad.  Then he was handed the result panel on the back of the test kit.  "That says I'm a level eight?"

"You are," Xander agreed.  "Now, if you're surging, which you're not right now, you can go higher.  Surging and keeping it out-of-control is something that's guaranteed to get you the wrong sort of attention.   Which is why a demon canceled his poker debt by coming to tell me about you.  There's a lot of them who're hoping your enemy gives you to them to get you out of his way."

Harry stiffened, staring at him.  "Could he do that?"

"If he knew about this?  Yup.  You're high enough and haven't kept it down enough that a few higher ones know about you.  I was told there was a lot of drooling going on."

"Shite," he muttered.  He leaned back, staring at them.  "How do I control it?"

"You keep yourself out of backlog.  You find a way to keep it under wraps with a keeper.  At your level a protector would probably be helpful as well," Xander told him.  Both boys nodded.  "Also, when I was scrying your recent past, I saw the last battle you were in."  He grinned.  "I'm a veteran of a hellmouth and the various apocalypses and problems we had there, Harry.  These two are demon hunters."  Harry gaped.  "So I think we might be able to help you with more than your hormones but I didn't know about that until I scried."

Harry leaned forward again.  "You've been in battles?"

"Real ones.  Planned them even."  Xander got up and led him to the scrying portal, watching the people freak out in Harry's bedroom over the note.  One of them was staring where the portal was, making him grin.  "Who's that?"

"That's Mad Eye Moody.  His fake eye can see magic."

Xander wrote out something, making Harry grin, then he sent it to him through the portal.  The guy caught it and glared at it then coughed to get attention, handing it over.  The adults did not look happy.  "Pity but better for you if it's handled."  He reset the portal, letting Harry see his past battles, making the kid stare at him in awe.  He shrugged.  "She needed backed up.  I jumped in.  That's why demons called me a Knight and you Chosen."

"I don't like being a chosen one."

"Neither did Buffy, that's why she started to drink.  The alcohol made her screw up greatly too.  Don't follow that path."

"I won't."  He looked at him.  "Can we get me trained in how to keep these down?  I don't need more danger in my life."

"I can teach you how to manage it, how to wear it out in many ways and forms.  I can tell you about the group allergies and all that good stuff.  I can also teach you how to use a sword, how to dress better, and all sorts of neat stuff like I would a little brother," he offered with a grin.  Harry relaxed and nodded.  "Good boy.  Are you still tired?"

"A little bit."

"We have time.  Once I shut this portal we'll be back out of time again."  The Winchestes looked at them.  "Your car's outside, Dean."

"I saw it."  He looked at the kid.  "Check the portal, make sure they're not going to be able to break through?"

Xander checked it and then nodded.  "Only that one guy is still there."  He threw something in the water.  "Ah, hidden magically.  Pity."  He whispered something into the pool, making them flee.  That one guy stood there.  "Good."  He opened it and walked Harry to it.  "I'm helping him.  I got told by some demons that there's a good chance he'd be taken due to his little problem."

"Who're you to help him?" he asked calmly.  "We can do that for our own people."

He grinned.  "I'm from a hellmouth.  I fought beside a slayer for five years.  With me are two other demon hunters who've been doing it all their lives.  We all have the same problem he does."

Mad Eye looked at the boy.  "You want this?"

"If it'll keep me from being kidnaped, then I'm not going to argue.  He's been in real battles, Moody."

Xander nodded.  "I did.  I planned a battle to help stop a demonic ascension."  Mad Eye shuddered.  He grinned.  "I'll make sure Harry's well taken care of and I'll try to get him back by the start of school but I'll need to finish closing the portal to do that so we can go out of time.  No demons can get where we are.  He'll be very safe with me."

Dean strolled over.  "Xander's been taken by half of all the demons in the universes, dude.  He's wrecked whole realms for them taking him.  He said the demons were drooling over this one.  Better to get him to handle it and teach him what he can and can't do to help himself than to have to rescue him repeatedly, right?"

"Fine.   We have wellness charms on him."

"Cool," Xander agreed.  "It'll be fine.  Really."  He grinned.  "Calm them down.  I can't stand huffy women anymore."  He closed the portal with a snap, looking at the boy.  Then he finished closing it off, letting the timelessness kick in.  "There."  He walked Harry back to the couch.  "Let's go over the basics.  How you suppress them and how to tell when you're surging."

"Should I take notes?" Harry asked.

"The more who know about this, the more at risk you are," Sam told him.  "That's why one of the fundamental rules of the group is 'you don't tell about other members'."

"I can see why.  How do I learn to control this?"

"Let's get you started with telling when you're backed up," Xander told him.   He got them something to nibble on while they talked and taught the kid.  He was still a virgin.  Had barely gotten to the point of masturbating now and then.  He was eighteen in four days.  Xander finally sent the boys to bed, staring at his newest student.  "Okay, I'm going to be blunt," he said quietly as he undid his shirt, letting Harry see the scars.  The kid swallowed then looked away.  "Not all from hunting and fighting, Harry."

Harry looked down then nodded.  "I can't say I don't have some of my own," he admitted, looking up at him.

"I figured you had to since you're a bit smaller than a seventeen-year-old boy should be."  He gave him a gentle smile.  "Maybe we can fatten you up a bit."  Harry grinned back.  He handed over something.  "This is my house in Miami.  If you *ever* need me, you come see me.  Understood?  Even if it's because you need to get away from them or your keeper."

"I can do that."  He put it into his pocket.  "Can you teach me how to do that portal spell?"

"Of course," he said with a grin.  "I'm not that powerful but I learned that one because it's damn handy when you've been kidnaped."  He smirked.  "Go to bed.  We'll talk some more over breakfast."  Harry nodded, going to what was his room.  He looked at the owl.  "Want me to set up a perch in there for you, Hedwig?"  She hooted.  "I need a familiar.  Or maybe my ferrets are mine.  If so, I've got some fun, cuddly, wiggly familiars."  He went to move something into Harry's room so she could perch and watch over him.  "There."  She flew in and landed, getting comfortable in the small nest he had made her with a table and a large bowl.  "Harry, there should be food stores for her so don't worry about that."  He left, closing his door most of the way so he could head to his own.  He found Dean waiting on him, giving him a hug.  "You're the bestest guard and student I know."

Dean grinned.  "Figured that was why we got the call."

"Sam and I can go over a lot of stuff.  Plus Sam's got that whole chosen thing too."

"They can help each other.  Sammy's still backed up half the time," he complained.

Xander gave him a wicked grin.  "I'd fix that but we're not in a desperate situation.  My boys said only in desperate situations, Dean."

Dean pinched him on the arm.  "I'd have to watch him come back from the heart attack anyway, Xander."  He sat on the foot of the bed, letting Xander lay down to look at him. "Now what?"

"Harry needs the same lessons I gave you.  Including how to revel and how not to rut.  How to shop better.  How to use a sword since their people don't seem to use guns.  Didn't we see him in a book?" he mouthed.  Dean nodded.  "Thought so.  That's kinda neat."

"Very," Dean agreed.  He patted him on the foot.  "Rest.  Try not to keep us up when you wear out your hormones, Xander."  He stood up and went back to his room.  "Sammy, I swear to Janus, go wear those out!" he demanded.

"I tried," he complained.

"Do we need medicine to help you get it up?"

"I've got toys in my bag," Xander called.

"No thanks," Sam said, shaking his head quickly.  "Not that desperate."

"Bet me," Xander called back.  He walked in wearing only his thong, handing two over.  "Brand new, just out of the package," he said with a grin.  Sam moaned.  "Sam, it's bad when the demons want you more than me.  It really is.  Kinda sad too.  Makes me wonder what's wrong with my hair that day."  He went back to his room, listening to Harry laugh.  "Some day I'll get to nag you that way, Harry.  Go to sleep, kiddo."  He went back to his lonely, large bed.   He tried to go to sleep but it wasn't working.  He sighed and got up, going to climb in with Dean.  He wouldn't mind.  Much.  As long as he kept his hands to himself Dean wouldn't mind too much.  Dean sighed in displeasure but Xander curled up against his side and it was nice.  Warm.  Nearly as good as sleeping on Don.

Dean looked down at his new bed accessory.  Sammy smirked at him.  "I'm going to learn that levitating spell so I can stick those in you when you need it, Sammy.  You're stinking up the room with hormones worse than Xander is."  Sam sighed but went to take a shower and handle himself.  Before Dean found him someone to handle it for him.  Dean looked down at Xander, shaking his head.  "We've got to get you a life-size blow up doll to sleep with," he muttered.  But it was nice not to sleep alone sometimes.

***

Harry woke up the next morning and went to bathe, moaning at the bathroom that was attached to his temporary bedroom.  It had a huge soaking tub like they had at the school but it also had a nice looking shower with three shower heads for some reason he didn't understand.  It had a large pedestal sink and a closeted toilet off on one side.  It had a couch in there for some reason too.  A lot of mirrors and light.  He went to try the shower, pouting when it didn't work.

Sam knocked then walked in and pushed something.  "Xander had the water off while he wasn't using this place."  He patted him on the head.  "Play around a bit.  It'll be about an hour before Xander's done with breakfast."

"An hour?" he asked.

Sam grinned.  "Xander likes to cook,  Harry.  It's one of his daily pleasures."  He left him alone to shower and get ready for the day ahead.

Harry turned on the shower, fiddling with the multiple knobs.  He decided to leave all three heads going for now.  Stripping and putting his clothes in the hamper, then getting in was easy enough, just like normal.  The shower though...nothing was normal about it.  The head doing his back was getting between his shoulderblades.  He checked it over, lowering it to his lower back area.  The mechanism was easy enough - a turn knob to tighten or loosen it then you pushed it up or down the pole it was sitting on.  The other one was spraying up at him for some reason.  He could get to like that.  He used a foot to adjust it so it was spraying his front.  It gave him a naughty thrill.  Since it'd help him later on he didn't think Xander would mind if he played a bit.  The other shower head was like normal.  There was a soap dispenser in there.  It smelled a bit flowery but felt very nice when he rubbed it over his body.  The shampoo was clearly meant to be used by Xander since it felt like a conditioner.

Xander strolled in and handed over a bottle.  "That's conditioner, not shampoo.  You can use Dean's for now.  He had an extra bottle."  He left him alone again.

"That explains why it felt that soft," Harry told himself, rinsing off his hands.  He lathered up his hair, enjoying the clean, manly smell of the shampoo.  Nothing fruity or too smelly.  The soap was subtle but he could put up with that since it wasn't the generic/break you out sort.  He even found a sponge in there.  He tried it out.  It lathered very well.   It felt good when he did his groin, especially with the shower head down there going.   It felt so nice he decided to get a bit dirty again and tease himself.  That was always fun in the shower.

He got off quickly and found that he still felt a bit needy so he imagined a few things he had only found in some of the magazines Dudley had left lying around.  Some of those women were tarts but a few were pretty.  They were lewd because they laid there with their legs spread and things, but that happened he guessed.  He liked women, they were soft and looked nice.  Still, nothing was going on.  He sighed and imagined some of the stories but he couldn't do that.  "Crap," he muttered.  "Why won't that work?"  He sighed.  "I'll ask later."

A demon appeared, handing him something.  "Would you like that?"

"What are you doing in my bathroom?" he demanded.

"I came to offer you some help, Chosen."

"I hate being the Chosen One," he said, shifting some so the thing would quit staring at him.

Dean walked in and shot the demon.  "We said no.   He's Xander's and our student, leave him alone."  It fled mewling in pain.  "Good!"  He looked up.  "Leave the kid alone, he's not legal yet!"  He looked at Harry.  "The next time one shows up, yell faster, Harry."  He saw the blush and grinned.  "Let me guess, the shower of sin there not helping?"

"I don't know why it's not," he said, sounding miserable.

Dean walked out and came back with something, making Harry gape in awe.  "Sometimes you gotta have a visual aid, Harry.  I had to teach Sammy that too when he was younger than you are now."  He left him alone to tease himself.

"These are much prettier than Dudley's wank mags," he said, looking at that one.  It was very pretty.  She was a beautiful woman who was tastefully nude, not in a lewd position.  He could easily see himself propositioning her for some fun.  That thought took him where he wanted to go and he had to reclean his legs and groin but that was to be expected.  He walked out and found clothes on his bed.  "Did someone play mum and lay me out clothes?" he asked.

Sam walked in.  "Xander, we've *got* to lock the realm down tighter."

Xander looked up from his stirring.  "Unless you want *me* to come up there and deal with you, I'd leave the kid alone," he growled.  "Because I will make you sorry for touching the kid.  He's not legal yet.  Not until I let him go."  The clothes and a few other things disappeared.  Xander locked down the realm tighter and let Harry come in wearing shorts, which were clearly new, and a t-shirt.  "That's not a bad outfit for today."

"Thanks.  It was in my bag."

"No one said they weren't sneaky, Harry," Dean said, patting him on the back.  "Trust me, they're very sneaky.  We had one so sneaky they decided to steal all our shotgun shells and replace them with gold coins."

"And chocolate coins," Sam reminded him.

"And those too," he said blandly, glaring at his brother.  "I still say that's your fault, Sammy."

"It is not!  It's not like they can track me, Dean."

"Pheromones are part of what make up your personal scent and everyone smells different," Xander said patiently.  "Wherever you were probably only had two white, level fives boys who were brothers and stunk with the scent of gunpowder."

"Shit, they're tracking us," Dean muttered.

"Do all of us have this problem with demons?" Harry asked.

"Nope," Sam said with a bright, happy grin.  "Only if they really want you or if they know about you beforehand.  Taking one of us but who didn't know wouldn't get them status like taking out a demon hunter would."

"It's like taking out a knight on the other side," Xander quipped, waving a hand around.  "You get more status from a concubine with other talents than just another pretty one."  He looked at Harry.  "If and when you're taken, watch out for castration."  Harry gave him a horrified look.  The boys both nodded to back him up.  "That's the most likely outcome if you give in and stay theirs.  It hurts and since you don't have a self-healing gift, it won't grow back on you like it did on me.  Trust me, it hurts like hell, Harry."

"I never wanted to know that," Harry admitted.

"But if you give in to whoever has you captive, that's a common outcome," Sam told him.  "That's how they mark you as theirs and basically married to them."

"Eww."

"Yup," Dean agreed.  "Gotta agree, hurts like a bitch and when you have a healing gift, it hurts coming back just as much."  Sam patted him on the shoulder in sympathy.  Xander gave him a look.  "Fucking turtle looking demons again.  The same ones that took our bullets."

Xander raised an eyebrow.  "Should I go find artillery?"

"Nope, not necessary," Sam said with a happy grin.  "They're gone now."

"Good," Dean agreed.  Harry gave them horrified looks.  "I got a bit backed up during a hunt."

"Why did they want you specifically?" Harry asked.

Dean shrugged.  "I'm a hunter so that's major bonus points there in the status game.   I'm the tougher of the two of us to get.  There's a prophecy about Sammy so they're wary about him but some want him to fulfill it so they treat him nicely because of that."

"They'll still steal me but they'll coo at me instead of just saying 'let's have sex because you're mine'," Sam agreed.

Xander nodded.  "There's a want list for us among the demons, Harry.  Those two because they're hunters are just under my rating and the only reason I'm so high is because of my level ten-ness and the fact that I've destroyed a few realms when they've taken me."  He grinned smugly.  "They don't like it when I do that."

"They'd love to tame him so he was a gentle, lusty purr kitten," Sam agreed.

"Not happening," Xander said with a sweet grin.

Dean shuddered.  "No battles with the kid around, Xander."

"Not planned."

"It never is," Sam said dryly.

"If they take us, of course I'll fight to get us out," Xander assured them all.  "But they'd be stupid to break into this realm to take us."

"Good point," Dean agreed.  "That would piss off your almost-mother-in-law."  Harry looked confused.  "Vesvold, the demon who gave him this realm, wanted him since he was a kid.  He really loved Xander, didn't just want him as a sex toy."

"His mother agreed I'd be a good match.  We're still nice to each other," Xander told him, going back to his stirring.

"Wow.  I never even thought about demons before," Harry admitted.  "Much less that they had councils and families and all that stuff."

"They have a lot of demon societies.  Some of the lesser ones live in hives and clans."

"Some of those are higher demons," Xander corrected.  "There's hive species, clan species, family species, all sorts of demons.  Just like people, some are bad and some aren't."  Harry nodded that he understood that.  "But if you go to one, the others are going to try to take you from that one.  They do gift nicely when they want you a whole lot though."  He handed over a picture.  "One sent me that and a necklace from Cartier."

"Is that chocolate?" he asked, looking at the female genitalia statue.

"Yup, and there was a six-foot white chocolate toy under that tarp," Dean said dryly.  "That was before we became his students."

"That night, I went to bed with a headache and my boys got to destroy it and give chunks to the others in the made family.  Oh, harems according to demons are those who you gather around you to help and protect you, Harry.  Your made family, any advisors, your friends.  So if you hear that and it doesn't sound like 'I want you to join my harem' that's what they mean."  He checked the oven then pulled the pan out, taking the stuff he was stirring to pour overtop then put it back into the oven for a few more minutes at a lower temperature.  "Ten more minutes, boys."

"Can I help, Xander?" Harry asked.

"Nope, I like to cook."

"Xander, how are you handling your backed-up butt this time?" Sam asked.

"I took some of the herbs before I came."

"Un-huh," Dean said dryly.  "You were clearly going to go over last night when you climbed in to have a warm bed."

"I'll handle myself," he assured them, giving them dirty looks.  "And hey, it'll be instructive if I don't get it quite good enough this time."  He looked at Harry.  "They said you're now up there with these two for being wanted, Harry.  That's why one canceled his kitten poker debt to tell me about you and why I came to help you."

"Thank you for that.  I did not want to belong to anyone.  Maybe a woman some day but not right now."

Sam grinned, patting him on the back.  "Some day I'm sure you'll find a very nice keeper."

"Will she have to?" Harry asked.  "I'd like to have normal things."

"Keepers are boyfriends or girlfriends who have extra patience to wear you out," Dean told him.

Harry blushed.  "I only like girls I think."

"Most of the guys in GHS are bi," Xander said with a small shrug.  "There's something in male ejaculate that helps lower our hormones."  Harry gave him a horrified look.  "Honestly.  There are a few straight guys in GHS though.  Don't worry about it."

"I'm pretty muchly always straight unless I'm desperate, or if I'm stuck on a realm with Xander for over a century and he's backed up," Dean agreed.

Sam coughed a bit, shrugging some when Dean looked at him.  "I'm mostly het but I've played around a few times for stress relief in the dorms and stuff."

Harry blushed brighter.  "Wow.  I never even thought about guys."

"You can think about that here," Xander offered.  "I wasn't sure which way I swung so I went on a road trip and did six weeks at a demon brothel," he told him.  "Made about eleven mil by the time I left."  Harry gaped.  Sam gaped.  Dean just shook his head with a small moan.  He grinned.  "My hormones came out then.  Being on the hellmouth had kept them down when Anya wasn't being a hyper-sexual bunny of lovin'."

Harry shivered.  "I'm not going to get that bad, right?"

"There's very few things that can raise your level," Xander told him, looking serious.  "Nothing of them seems to be permanent.  You'll be a level eight who surges now and then for the rest of your hopefully very long life, Harry."

He slumped but nodded.  "So I have to find someone good to be with soon?"

"Or find ways of dealing with it on your own," he agreed.  "Small pleasures through the day can always help and so will helping yourself.  I doubt you can get a massage at school but there's other pleasures."  The oven's timer dinged so he took out the stuff he was making, letting it cool down while he got plates.  He poured them milk too.  Harry clearly needed some nutritional help.

"Demon milk?" Dean asked.

Xander kissed him on the forehead.  "It's very good for Harry.  He's still a growing boy, Dean.  It's got twice the calcium he needs daily in a single glass.  Besides, you couldn't tell before."  He cut out wedges of the breakfast 'pizza' and handed them over.  "Harry, that might be a bit spicy, I used a spicy cheese.  If so, drink more milk."  He settled down in his seat to nibble through his breakfast.  Sam handed him a fork.  "I was testing for hotness."

"Eat like real people or you're so backed up I'm having Dean cure you," he said, staring Xander down.  Xander ate like a real person.  Dean whapped him on the arm, giving him a dirty look.  Sam hit him back.  "He's almost always backed up because he doesn't have enough stress relief through the day," Sam told Harry.

"Which is why most demons want him?" Harry asked.

"And humans and pets and mailmen," Dean agreed dryly.  Xander punched him on the shoulder behind Sam's back.  "Hey!  They do!"

"The last time the mailman wanted me, he begged my boys for mercy.  I told him to do that and he did."  He grinned at Harry.  "There's also a way to use it offensively as a last resort."

Harry grinned.  "I need to learn that part too."  He took another bite.  "This is really good, Xander."

"I spend a lot of time cooking.  I make meals for the local police station where my boys work and the family's always got food."  Dean nodded.  "Now and then I send these two food too."

"Last month he had a messenger demon bring us cookies and sandwiches that were about two feet long each," Sam told him with a grin.  "Bobby nearly freaked out until we told him about messenger demons."  He ate another bite and drank some milk.  "Salty, Xander."

"Must be from the sausage, Sam.  Sorry, didn't make that part."

"That's cool."  He went back to eating it.  Years on the road meant he ate almost anything put in front of him anymore.  Even if the sausage was a bit salty and the milk came from a demon.

Dean finished up and got seconds of it, and a bit more milk, then came back to sit down.  "Get more, kid.  You look like you could use a few dozen good meals."  Harry looked down.  Dean patted him on the back.  "Sammy and I spent most of our lives traveling here and there to hunt demons, Harry.  Our dad was a Marine and he trained us from a pretty young age to handle things.  We had more than a few close calls with social services from our lives and turned in a number of others that needed it desperately."

"Mine were just drunks," Xander told him.  "It happens to the best of us, but I think most chosen beings have some sort of crappy life so they stand out more when they fight.  Whatever chose them probably thinks it makes you guys fight harder.  Buffy couldn't find a decent guy to date to save our lives."

"I had mine killed for being with me," Sam agreed.  He looked at Xander.  "That would mean something chose you?"

"Clearly since I'm immie too," he said dryly, smirking at him.  "Before Connor fucked up he thought I might some day be a standard-bearer.  The sort of immie the others come to for help and training."

"Could be," Dean agreed.  "The other GHS ones probably would.   What did happen with you and Connor?"

"Lots of shit.  Like I got back from that monsoon demon that started on you guys?  I was covered in girl clothes, had piercings that had been welded in.  Had just been castrated too.  Connor and Giles laughed.  And that's probably the nicer thing."

"Ah," Sam said, nodding slightly.  "So we'll stay away from Connor and his insane clansman."

"Probably a good idea anyway," Xander agreed.  "Mac came after me for being a friend of Oz.  He threw my clothes and sex toys out the window.  Threw money out the window too.  Gems too.  He even peed on some of my clothes because I knew Oz."

Dean shook his head.  "I can't see how people put up with the snotty ones of us."

Xander shrugged.  "Who knows.  I certainly don't.  The one who sneered at me during my last shopping trip to New York nearly got her head taken off.  Amanda saved her by making her hurry off so I'd be left alone.  Then she got me some chocolate and took me back to my hotel."  The guys gave him a confused look.  "Friend of Richie and them's.  She's a world-class jewel thief and immie.  She's kinda pretty but very sneaky."

"Hmm.  Do we worry about her hitting your stash?" Sam asked.

"Nope.  First time I ran into her I warned her off.  She admitted she might but there's no challenge in it.  So I told her I did have a very good magical security system set up.  She doesn't want to deal with magic so she'll leave me alone unless she *really* need something or she's totally bored."  He finished his breakfast.  "Get more if you're still hungry, Harry."

"Thanks, Xander."  He went to do that.  "What's an immie?"

"In our realm, there's people who are born immortal," Sam told him.  "It's within us until we die a violent death.  Then we can only die by our heads coming off.  Xander has a unique fighting style thanks to a road trip across realms.  One he can teach any GHS member to do.  No one else seems capable of doing it, and it's very erotic."

"Good workout though," Dean offered.  "We both learned that and the rules of being GHS and immortal from him."

Harry looked at Xander.  "How old are you?"

"I'm the same age Sam is, about twenty-eight now.  I died young and pretty the first time."  He grinned.  "You should not have to worry about that complication."

"That's good to know."

"But we can still teach you that fighting style in case it helps," Xander offered.

"I might."  He grinned, eating the rest of his food.  "How long should...wearing out the hormones last?"

"With level eights?  About four or so hours," Xander admitted.  "When you start to get fuzzy headed, note what time it is."  Harry nodded at that.  "Then do something mildly wearing out of them.  Or we'll teach you some of the dance fighting I learned.  That should wear out a lot of hormones."  The Winchesters both nodded at that.  "It helped keep Sam out of backlog for weeks on end."  Sam swatted him with a grin.  "It did."

"Until that one demon with the fish and the tentacles," Dean agreed.

"I had to scrub the hottub for days thanks to that thing.  I should've made him come do it," Xander said, grimacing some.  "Speed was very amused.  Horatio warned Speed and Ray Junior to keep away from tentacles."

"Ray does get into a lot of trouble for how low he is," Dean agreed.

"They already know about Ray," Xander told Harry since he looked confused.  "I was helping train Ray while he was in high school.  He was my helper around the house."

"Oh, okay.  So they already know about some of us?"

"Yup.  They somehow found out about you.  I'm not sure how.  If one that can switch realms found out about you and spread it maybe."

"Huh."  He finished up.  "Is this dance style hard?"

"Already?" Sam asked, checking his watch.

"In general.  I'm preparing to face the git in a few months."

"We can help with that," Dean assured him with a smirk.  "We're very good at fighting.  We were at that invasion.  We've hunted and stalked things for years.  Xander's been in real battles but we can all get you there with some help."

"Thanks, guys."  Xander put all their dishes in the dishwasher and the leftovers in the fridge, then took Harry out to a clear area to show him the dance.  He used Sam as a demonstration model and did some of it himself, making Harry follow along.

Harry paused, looking down at his feet.  "I can feel magic coming up."

Xander felt the magic around them then grinned at him.  "It might be a realm difference.  Magic comes at your call because you're more used to magic.  We're more used to weapons."  That got a nod and Harry went back to it.  Xander watched, then smirked, pouncing him.  Harry dodged and cast a hex at him, not realizing he didn't have his wand in his hand.  "Hmm, more than one sort of magic."  He smirked.  "That sort can be dangerous and addicting but damn handy."

"Wow."  He looked at his hands.  "I need to practice that."

"If I had a practice space I'd let you do it," Xander promised.  "But we don't have one here.  Sorry."

"No, it's okay."  He grinned, pushing his sweaty hair back.  "I don't feel fuzzy headed at all."

"The dance wears out the hormones, works up your stamina, and builds muscles," Sam told him.  Dean nodded, handing them glasses of ice water.  "Thanks, Dean."

"Welcome, Sammy."  He looked at Harry.  "Plus you can charm those girls you like with it by accidentally letting them catch you working out."  He smirked.  "Sammy drew three fast food workers from stretching the other day."

Xander rolled his eyes.  "We want you guys to have *good* lovers, guys.  Harry too."  He gulped his water, looking at the boy.  "Let's talk about the common allergies for a bit?"  They nodded so Xander found the list to give him.  They went over what each was.  Harry had run into a few before in potions and had felt bad afterward.  Now he knew why.

***

Don Flack Junior got home first, finding a note on the kitchen counter with their names on it.  He read it and groaned, finding the phone to call the most likely immortal GHS members their boy would be helping.  He got their voicemail, and it said Xander was with them.  "Fuck," he muttered once he had hung up.  He called back.  "Guys, it's Don and Danny.  We want to know what's going on too please."  He hung up and called Danny.  "Xander left us a note saying he went to help some new GHS member.  I called Sam's phone and got his voicemail.  They're with Xander off-realm helping a new GHS member.  No idea."  He went to check the closet.  "His blue leathers and a few other outfits are gone.  One of the bags."  He went up to the practice area.  "His sword and a few others are gone too."  He listened to Danny complain.  "No idea, Danny.  Sure, thanks, man."  He hung up and went to pull dinner out of the freezer.  Thankfully Xander cooked ahead and froze for them so they didn't have to live on fast food until they got him back.

A demon appeared on the other side of the counter, staring at him.  "Your boy has went to help one we call Chosen.  He is new."

Don looked at him.  "How new?"

"He is legal but just now coming into his hormone surges."

"Why is he doing it that late?"

The demon shrugged.  "It does not matter.  He's nice looking."  He created a picture to show him.

Don frowned then at him.  "I thought he was a book!"

"Some books are really other realms.  All want this one nearly as much as they want your mate.  There is a good chance one will give him away as well."  He smiled.  "Yours is trying to train him to resist but we will train him better in how to be a good pet."

Don shot him and he died.  "I doubt Xander would let that happen," he said dryly.  Danny stomped in with Speed behind him.  He held up the picture.  "The new GHS Xander and the boys went to help.  Just coming into his hormone surges but he's legal by demonic standards."

"Isn't that....." Speed started.

Danny looked.  "Harry Potter."

"The demon said some books are really other realms."

"Maybe he'll dance Voldemort to death then," Danny said dryly.

Speed turned and walked out, going to find Horatio and get a cuddle.  He had a headache.  Even with everything they'd seen and run into since Xander had come into their lives, this was a bit too much to take.  He mumbled the problem at Horatio, getting a cuddle automatically since Horatio didn't want that thought either.

"I wonder if this means Xena was real somewhere," he said.

Speed looked up at him.  "Ask Jace.  She seems to be that old.  Or Adam."

Horatio called Adam.  "It's Horatio and Speed.  A quick question.  Was Xena a real person?"  Adam paused then said something, making Horatio gape.  "He was who?"

Speed took the phone.  "What?  No, Xander's off helping Harry Potter because he's a new GHS and the demons are panting and hoping one of the bad guys there sells him off.  With the Winchesters off realm.  The demon said that sometimes books are other realms, Adam.  Now, who was who?"  He listened.  "Eww.  Poor Joxer.  But hey, they did make him a pretty woman.  Jace is very pretty."  He hung up and let Horatio snuggle in better.  Now they both had headaches and needed something to take their mind off it.  Horatio got to shoo off the demon that brought them treats but that was about usual these days.

***

Xander looked over his student, showing him how to defeat a lunge by a sword.  "Better," he decided, pulling back to let the boy pant and relax again.  "Hey, Dean, think I could go dance for the big idiot and make him beg?" he asked him.

Dean looked up from his reading.  "You try that.  I'm going to tell Don and Danny so they tie you down and get you mental help but you can try that."

"No he can't.  We'd have to save him from Death Eaters," Sam said.  "Then we'd have to take them all out.  Or sell them off like they'd want to do to Harry."

"No, I don't think demons would help that war any," Harry told them dryly, shaking his head.  "You guys are really mean sometimes."

They all grinned.  "Comes with the hunting," Dean assured him.

"Let's hope I don't end up hunting demons then.  Witches don't usually like mean blokes."  He pushed his hair back.  "I need a haircut."

"Oh, honey, you need more than a haircut," Xander assured him.  Harry blanched.  He knew that tone of voice.

"Xander, go wear it out," Sam ordered.  Xander pouted at him.  "Then we can take him to a demon bazaar and get him a haircut."  Xander sighed but went to do that.  He grinned at Harry.  "Put on comfortable shoes.  He marathon shops.  He dragged us through quite a few shops in Miami and got us clothes at the same time."

Harry went to shower and change into something more comfortable that was a bit better looking.  By the time he got out, Xander was wearing fairly tight blue leather pants, a dark blue t-shirt with a pocket, boots, and had his really long hair braided with a miniature sword stuck in it.  "Is that really necessary?"

"They're less likely to take us if Xander's armed," Dean told him.  "The same as Sammy and I will have our swords hidden and a few guns."  He got up and handed Harry something.  "You get to carry the bag for now."  They left the demon realm and went to a nice bazaar that was relatively local to where they were.  Xander used one of the gems he had with him to buy them passage to another shopping area.  Dean looked around the large, inside area, then at him.  "This is bigger than a football field and it feels strange."

"Tony found this place during our trip to get away after we got Hubert somewhere nicer for growing dragons."  He grinned.  "It has a little bit of everything.  Greggy said he likes shopping up here.  He even found a better coffee than Blue Hawaiian.  Plus it has a really nice exchange rate usually."  He found the money changers and walked over to one.  "My friend Greg said you guys change gems into local money?" he asked.  One nodded.  He put what he had down.  The man shook his head.  "Not good enough?"

"Not ours."

Xander frowned.  "I know where they were mined.  They were presents."

The man looked at one in the light, calling a friend over.  He said something.  They had a short conversation.  "He said they were mined on Sol?"

Xander nodded.  "Yes.  I'm friends with Tony DiNozzo and his Greg friend."

"Ah," that seller said, nodding.  "They usually use things mined in our areas."

Xander frowned, pulling other things out.  "This is what I brought with me.  I can head home to get more stuff if you wanted."

They looked, then saw his sword.  "That is interesting."

"That is something my God and a good friend gave me," he said.  "Sorry."

They nodded, pushing the stuff back.  "We cannot."

Xander stared at him, shifting his pants to show the marks.  "The sword is god-given and holy.  Blessed."  They backed away.  He looked behind him in case Ares was standing there, then back at them.  "That's why it's not for sale."  He pulled Harry up.  "This one is newly adult and needs to shop and have a haircut."

"Xander, we can go to another bazaar," Dean pointed out patiently.  For him.

Xander sighed and pulled something else out, holding it up.  They drooled.  "How much?"

"Much," one said, taking it to look at.  "Flawed but pretty.  Carved."

"I got a whole string of them," Xander said, pulling those out.  He smirked at Harry then at Dean.  "Remember those carved wolves?  They're local to them."  He looked at them, seeing the drooling.  "How much?"  These had been a more recent present from someone who realized he had liked them after he had given that string of carved wolves to Dean.

They pointed at a pad once they had checked them over.  It gave him a number and a common exchange ratio.  "How much is that in human money?  Or even Geletens?"

The man typed that in and it came up.  "Not a good ratio to that last one."

"No, it's not," Xander agreed.  "But they're not a good ratio to human money usually.  That would be enough to shop on?"  They nodded and beamed.  "Fully?"

"That would buy a planet."

"I own a few realms, I don't need a planet.  I don't want the ones I already have."  He took the card they gave him and put the rest back into the never ending bag, taking Harry to rent a flying golf-cart looking thing.  "Okay, Dean, you drive more than I do."

"That's because you're backed up and you swerve with the music," Dean reminded him.  He got the quick manual from the rental desk and looked it over.  "This place is *huge*, dude."

Sam looked over his arm.  "It's a hollowed out moon."

"Really?  Wow.  I wonder if Greg knows that?  I know they got a new bed the other day."  He settled in the back with Harry.  "Haircut, clothes, food."

"Haircut.  Do we want to go to the place that has it translated as the Blessed of the Goddess of Good Hair?"

"Sure," Xander agreed.  They headed out that way.  It was a fairly long flight, about twenty minutes.   "This is really like the Jetsons in some ways."

"It kinda is," Sam agreed.  "There's a lot of strange creatures here I've never seen, even in a demon bazaar."

"I have the feeling we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto," Dean said dryly.  "Since this is off-world and they were talking about other planets."

"That's an unexpected surprise," Harry admitted.  He was busy staring at all the strange sights to really take in much of the conversation.

Xander shrugged.  "I'm always looking for interesting shopping areas," he said with a grin.  Sam pinched him.  "Ow!  Wench!"

"That's your job," Dean reminded him. "Let's not get kidnaped up here, Xander, okay?  Please?  We don't know how to fly a spaceship to get you back or even if the Gods can get up here to help you or us."

"You really are a priest?" Harry asked.

"I did some training off world during a kidnaping.  The Greek gods had temples there.  I trained at a temple of Ares and trained my GHS-ness at a temple to Cupid."  Harry's mouth opened.  The boy just stared at him until Sam gave him a nudge.  "Really, the smelly barbarians wanted us for sex slaves.  Redheads were really rare there and thought to be next to the Gods in specialness.  Our friend Horatio is a redhead and we were kinda with him.  So Ryan, Horatio, and I all got to go on that trip.  Two years there, a few hours at home."

Harry swallowed.  "How often does this happen?"

"The less time you spend backed up, the more time you spend at home," Sam told him simply.  "Xander can't wear his out.  His boyfriends both work."  Harry slumped, nodding at that.  "You're not a level ten though.  So it'll be easier for you, Harry."

Harry looked up.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome," a voice said.

"Hi, Lord Strife," Xander said with a grin.  "I'm being good."

Strife cackled.  "Just don't get stolen.  We'd have to ask the local Gods for help."  His voice faded off.

"All level tens are part Strife's and part Cupid's.  He's over all GHS."

Harry whined.  "I'm going to be kidnaped a lot, aren't I?"

"Just keep them worn out, kid," Dean ordered.  Their flying cart started landing procedures, landing them outside a shop.  "I think that's a salon of some sort."

Xander looked then nodded.  "I think it is."  He walked Harry inside, bowing at the person who bowed to them.  "This one is newly adult.  He needs a haircut."

The person in there walked around the boy.  "We can lengthen it some.  Give it shine and bounce."

"He'll be at school soon for his last year.  He'll need to be able to take care of it with only standing water baths instead of free-falling showers."  The man nodded.  "Plus he's learning how to be a warrior."

"Ah.  I had noticed your hair was dry and simply done."

Xander pulled his hair around.  "It's dry?  I just conditioned it this morning."

He pointed at one of his assistants.  "Our people like the hair to look pleasingly slick and damp."

"Oh!  The wet look."  He nodded.  "Our people prefer it to be shiny and bouncy but dry looking.  His people like shorter hair mostly unless you're old fashioned."

"I'd like to keep the scar covered up if I can," Harry said.

The man nodded. "Come, we will see what we can do.  Do you want extra length?  Down to your shoulders perhaps?"

"Not really my thing.  I might look girlish and make people want to keep me.  I need it easy to deal with.  At school I room with four other young men and we only have one bath."

The man nodded.  "Training academies are often a test of resolution and inner strength not to smite others."  He ran his fingers through Harry's hair, nodding at it.  "Good weight."  He found a pair of scissors and went to work making it a bit shorter, but also a bit more layered so it would lay better when it was messy since that seemed to be what he was going for.   Harry ran his hands through it to try to straighten it out, but it wasn't going to work this time.  He trimmed a bit in those areas that needed it, stepping back.  "How is that?"

"Can you do the back a bit higher?" Xander asked.  "And above his ears?  I was going to get him an earring."

The man nodded and trimmed it a bit higher up.  The boy beamed at that.  Xander handed him the card, watching as he ran it.  "New to our money systems?" he asked with a smile.  Xander nodded.  "It is not a problem."  He handed the card back.  "For an earring, you can take him to the pirate section.  They are mostly honorable people who will not bother you."

"We need to get him some clothes first," Dean told him.

"Hmm."  He looked the boy over.  "I would suggest their area and the one next to them."  Dean got the map from the cart, letting him point it out.  "There.  They have good, functional clothes that are not too tight or too loose.  Not too drawing either.  Some softer, some not."  Xander beamed at him.  "Then, have him stop here for things for his magic.  We have seen others who have it."  He bowed to Harry.  "Good studies."

"Thank you," he said, bowing back.  "And for the information on where to shop."  They smiled and left, heading down to where the cart was and letting it fly them where they needed to go.

***

Xander opened the portal onto his back lawn with the help of the goddess Strife had begged for help.  "Thank you," he called.  They walked through and Xander ran inside to get a kiss and cuddle then they came back out to take Harry back to their training realm.

Don woke up long enough to blink at Xander's back.  "Xander?" he called.

"He's back but gone again," Danny said from his spot on their antique bed.  "He smelled funny too.  New herbs."  They shrugged and went back to sleep.  It was their day off this week.  Xander would be back soon.

Dean and Sam landed first in the meeting area.  They checked, the car was still there.  Harry and Xander came a few minutes later, Harry now carrying a bunch of packages.  "More shopping?" Dean demanded.

"Ran into Vesvold's sister.  She gave Harry a new leather jacket and a few other things her humans had left up here if he wanted them."  He patted Harry on the back.  "Take your stuff and pack it in your trunk."

"I don't think it'll fit," he said mildly.

"Harry, they can't catch you doing magic up here," he said blandly.

"Good point."

"And wear those hormones out while you're in there," Sam reminded him.  Harry huffed but went to do that.  He smacked Xander on the back of the head.  A move he had learned off Tony at the last convention.  Xander pouted.  "Behave!  Please?  They were really nice but it was too strange being taken by aliens.  Demons I can handle.  Aliens, not so much."

"Not my fault," he pouted.

"Uh-huh," Dean said dryly.  "I did like the pirates we played card games with on the way back."  Xander shrugged, going to cook while they settled in.  The brothers shared a look then Dean went to clean weapons while Sam wore himself out again.  Dean opened his trunk and looked up.  "Give them back," he snarled.  Everything in there reappeared.  The laundry was even done.  "Thank you!"  He checked; the bullets were still there, all the guns worked, and the knives had been sharpened for him.  Then the demon that wanted his attention took him and the car, and the spell on the car brought Sam with him.  A few hours later, local time, Xander and Harry showed up to free them.  The demons screamed and fled from them.  Someone wasn't happy to have stolen Dean after all.  They went back to the meeting area, finding dinner already done for them and Don waiting on them.  Xander stole a kiss.  "Thanks," Dean said.  "Don, it wasn't him this time."

"I heard when they came to get me to save them from Xander."  He looked at Harry.  "Hey, Don Flack.  I'm one of Xander's keepers."

"Harry Potter."

"So we heard."  He shook his hand.  "How are we doing on his training?  He'll have to go back soon."

Xander went to check what the date was in his realm.  "He's a day past due.  Harry, think you can handle it without us looking over your shoulder?"

"Hopefully.  Can you check on me a few times in case they do decide to sell me?  I have no doubt Malfoy or someone would like that."

"Of course," Dean agreed.  "One of us will be."  The boy beamed.  "For tonight, go rest and figure out the boy/girl thing."

"I set something up on your bed so you can tell without breaking yourself in for real," Xander said cheerfully.  "Because once you have, your body will want that release more than anything else."  Harry blushed but went to check that out.  Xander had left him toys.  Xander leaned down to kiss Don, getting pulled into his lap.  "How long have you been waiting?" he teased.

"Few minutes."  Sam and Dean both went to do their own thing because Xander was *so* backed up this time.  "Aliens?" he asked quietly.

"They were very nice.  Furry too.  I almost brought home one as a pet."

"No more pets, Xander.  We have dogs and ferrets.  That's enough for anyone."  Dean laughed, they could hear him.  "And those two sometimes."  Xander beamed, giving him a kiss.  Don let Xander settle into his lap for what he needed to wear himself out.  Sex worked best with Xander and naughty sex worked better than anything else.

***

Harry locked himself in his room, looking at what Xander had set up.  He had something that looked like a mouth with a tube out the other side.  "I'm not that big," he muttered.  "I don't think anyone is."  He had one that looked like a vagina.  That was nice looking.  He ran a finger along it, noticing it felt like cooler flesh.

Sam knocked so Harry let him in.  "Ah.  We were wondering."  He pointed at the supposedly life-like orifices.  "You put those on the doll underneath the bed," he offered, pulling it up.  "That way you can make believe better.  Or you leave them like that and use them that way."  He kissed the kid on the head.  "Have some fun.  It'll only help you.  Because remember, we have to take you school shopping tomorrow before we get you back to the school."  He left, going back to his room to tell Dean what Xander had put out for him.

Harry locked the door again, looking over things and how they attached to the doll.  It was very strange to have a removable mouth and ...girl parts.  How did people do this?

***

Xander put the portal to Harry's realm back into his bedroom, walking out to find someone waiting on them.  "It's my fault," he said with a grin.  "We had a short stopover to get Harry some new clothes and kinda had to wait while some furry ones wanted to pet my hair."  He walked Harry off.  "C'mon, kiddo.  We'll get you clothes and stuff for school then let you head there.  I gave you the calling stone, right?"

"It's in my pocket," he promised.  "That endless bag is really handy."

"I know," Xander agreed with a grin.  "Remember to practice your dance moves."

"I will."  They got outside, Sam and Dean following, and the Impala appeared.  "How did you do that?"

"Whatever realm whichever one of the boys is taken to, the other brother and the car will follow since it's got all the weapons," Xander said with a smirk.  "It's a safety precaution."

"It's been handy a few times," Dean agreed.  "Into the back, Harry."  They got into their spots, Xander behind Dean, Harry behind Sam, Dean driving them toward downtown London.  "So this is England?  I expected a lot more countryside from all those movies."

"Everywhere but London has it," Harry said, leaning forward.  "Go left."  Dean did that and they parked where he pointed.  "That's the Leaky Cauldron.  It's where we go through to get to Diagon."

Xander grinned at him.  "Harry, we do have and use magic, even if we don't use wands."

"Good point.  I guess it'd be okay.  If anyone says anything...."

"I'll beat their ass," Dean assured him with a grin.

"Fine."  He got out and they crossed the street.  He walked in and ran into one of his teachers.  "Professor McGonagall.  I'm headed up tonight, ma'am.  Xander, Dean, Sam, this is the head of my house, Professor McGonagall."

"Charmed," Xander said, smiling and shaking her hand.  "We're getting Harry his school things since I lost track of time thanks to a small kidnaping attempt.  We've taught him everything we know that he should need to control his problem, and some to help him with others."

"She does know and works with us," Harry said quietly.  "Coming with us to help me get uniforms and paper?" he asked her.  He looked at Xander.  "Hedwig?"

"Inside your bag," Sam offered.  "She's not traumatized or hurt.  We've had to stash me and Xander in there before on rescues."  Harry grimaced but nodded. "I promise, it's like taking a sudden nap until you get out of there."  He walked him off, letting Harry lead him out to the wall.  He'd read the books.  The professor joined them and they walked in.  "Let's see, if I remember the books right, the bank first?"

"I have money still if we can get it changed over," Xander offered with a small shrug.  He pulled out one of the gems the aliens hadn't wanted and handed it to Harry.  "Get it changed for necessities.  That way you can bring up enough chocolate for at least a month."

Harry grinned.  "Are you sure?"

"Harry, I have *so* many of them it's not funny.  Take it."  He waved his hand and they walked off.  He noticed the professor staring.  "He told us they diagnosed his little pheromone problem," he told her quietly, making her flinch.  "In our realm, there's a whole support group of people who have the same problem, Professor.  I'm one of them."  He smiled.  "That's why I came to tutor Harry when a demon told me about him breaking out here and being in danger of being kidnaped."

"He was?" she hissed.

He nodded.  "Unfortunately there's a good lot of them who want Harry.  He's high in the status stakes.  Just below mine.  I'm seen as a difficult one to tame because I've ruined a few realms when they've taken me.  I'm also a demon hunter.  Or I was before my hormones started to run my life.  Sam and Dean are also demon hunters and came to guard us and help me train Harry.  I did some of their training with some esoteric weapons in Miami."

"I see.  He can handle it?"

"It's a matter of wearing it out.  We've give him some good advice on how to do that.  We've given him some good ways of subverting it if he has to.  I've even taught him how to use it offensively if he must to get out of something."  She smiled and nodded.  "And I've given him insight I gained from years of fighting, the same as Sam and Dean have."

She stared at him for a moment.  "One of the aurors found you in a book."

"In our realm, Harry's one and so are you."  He grinned.  "Some demons can cross over and we're fairly certain that's how one figured out about him."  He looked at Harry, nodding at her.  He nodded so he dug out the handbook, handing it to her.  "This is what we give to new members and their spouses when they're found. The name is because we started out as a support group among favored concubines."

She blushed and coughed to clear her throat, going over the manual.  "That is how I figured it would work best."

"Harry's been encouraged to find someone he can date to help him wear that out.  I've also taught him a special self-defense, sword fighting dance style I learned on a cross-realmal road trip.  It'll help him wear some of those out but I don't think you'd want him to put on a performance.  It's a bit...enticing."  She blushed, shivering a bit.  "Exactly.  He's not too bad with it and it'll help some.  Right now, we know that he can handle about five or six hours before he needs to be aware of his hormones building again.  Also in there is a group allergy sheet.  Things that can hurt us terribly in high enough doses.  And some that can make us spike."  She moaned.  "It can and has happened.  I didn't know about the allergies and nearly died from it.  Plus spread it to a few friends.  I think the school nurse should be able to handle it.  On there is also written how to handle it if something does make him spike.  Also how to use a bit of the herbs once every few months if necessary but you can't use it more often or it's dangerous to him."

"I understand.  Thank you for your help."

He grinned.  "I'm a level ten, Professor.  They want that boy nearly as much as they do me and he has enemies that wouldn't hesitate to use that."

She nodded.  "I can understand your worry."

"If I hear someone has him, I'll go find him for you," he assured her dryly.   "I'd never leave anyone in captivity."  Harry and Sam came out of the bank and headed back toward them.  "What's first, guys?  Clothes, paper?  Owl food?"

"I could use owl food but I need clothes.  Is there a ball this year, Professor?"

"There is," she admitted.  They followed him into Madam Malkin's shop.  "Maddy, he's a bit late due to some extra training.  These are his trainers."

"Would it be okay if I picked up something for my boyfriends?  One's a huge wizard fan."  The shopkeeper looked so confused so he created a small light.  She moaned, holding her head.  "Can I?"

"If you want," Professor McGonagall offered.  They got Harry the clothes he needed and then settled in to deal with the other things he'd need for off-duty and other times.  "Harry, who did your hair?"

"We found a huge bazaar on another realm," he told her.  "It had someone who did it plus got me some other clothes like they wear."  He smiled.  "And they had a few very honorable, nice chaps who were pirates as well.  Some of the furry people there also wanted Xander so we had a small wait and that's what made us so late.  Sorry."

"I suppose it happens to your sort," she admitted.

"Whenever we're backed up," Sam agreed.  "The more often he's backed up, the more risk and trouble he's in."

"Ah.  I'll definitely keep that in mind."  Harry blushed.  "And let you ask me questions on how to deal with a girlfriend or boyfriend since it seems that would be appropriate."  Xander nodded.  "Good."

"That's probably the best way," Xander agreed.  "Smaller ones are helpful but bigger ones are better."

"I can understand that."  She watched as Harry was fit with his last uniform and then an off-duty shirt, frowning.  "Is it supposed to make him glow?"

"Among us that's known as finding your fabric.  Each of us has one or two fabrics that we look best in.  It's usually at least a natural blend fabric.  I look best in silk and sometimes leather.  Dean looks best in some cottons.  Sam too.  Harry... I'd say that was cotton?"  He nodded.  "So a stiffer cotton.  Like Ray Junior, you may look very  nice in Egyptian cotton and twill."

"Twill, I hadn't thought about that," Madam Malkin admitted, going to get him some.  That with the shirt and the boy nearly glowed.  She licked her lips, looking at the professor.  "You see people now and then who have a specific problem with their hormones and those who take things to make sure they have it when they need it."

"Those last sort play a very dangerous game," Sam offered.  "That's a good way to get stolen and turned into a castrated concubine.  But you're right, Xander is."

Harry nodded. "I'd like it if no one knew.  It's safer if they don't."

"I have no intention of sharing this news, Mr. Potter," she assured him.

He grinned.  "Thank you, Madam Malkin.  Shoes?"  She got him a few pairs.  He paid for it and bundled it up, taking it to put into his bag.  "It won't hurt Hedwig, right?"

"Harry, inside is infinitely big," Xander told him.  "As long as it's not ripped, everything's fine.  If it is, they all end up on a demon mafia plane."

Harry checked the bag, grimacing.  "Is that considered a rip?"

Xander frowned and rubbed something, heading off to deal with that.  He came back a few minutes later, handing Harry a new bag and Hedwig to ride on his shoulder.  "There you go.  I even found that special brush we got you.  They were surprisingly nice to me."  Harry grinned.  "I know, I'm just charming."  The professor snickered, shaking her head.  "When I want to be I am."  He grinned.  "I was to them so I wouldn't have any problems."  They went on to finish his shopping, letting the teacher take him back to school with her.  "Remember, you call us if you need us, Harry."

"Yes, Xander.  Thank you."  He hugged them all.  "Have a good trip, guys."  They went out to the Impala.  Harry went back into the Leaky Cauldron and caught a floo back to Hogsmeade with the professor.  He stretched as he walked out, smiling at her.  "They are very interesting people."

"It sounds like it."  She walked him up to the school and the headmaster's office.  "Here he is.  His teacher was a bit detained because some furry demons wanted to pet him."

Harry let Hedwig fly out the window then looked at him.  "They were nice about it.  Xander said all too many of them are going to castrate us if they keep us.  It's a sign that we're owned or married by them."

"Did you learn anything useful on your trip?" the headmaster asked.

"Xander, Sam, and Dean all hunted demons.  Xander has a unique fighting style with a sword that he showed me.  It'll help with my other problems as well.   It also helps my balance a lot.  I found out he's a fantastic cook.   Met some nicer demon species and a few that I was warned to stay away from when they showed up.  Xander threatened their realms and existences if they came near me again.  I learned a bit of wandless magic can come up when I'm dancing that fighting style.  I'm fairly certain I can call it up at other times but we didn't have an area to practice it in.  All three shared a lot of their experiences in fighting demons and Xander was in a few battles as well so he shared planning strategies and things with me."  Dumbledore stared at him.  He smiled.  "We were detained because some furry demons wanted to play with Xander's hair."

"It's down to his waist in a braid," McGonagall told him.  "Very nice looking, healthy and all that."

"He said one of the ones who wanted him started it growing and he decided he liked it because his boys did.  They like to play with it for him."

She blushed.  "I did not need to know those sort of details."

Harry shrugged.  "They shared with me whenever I asked."  He looked at the headmaster.  "What sort of demon would've seen me in this school, sir?  We think it was one who could cross realms that caught me having a high hormone day and spread it around."

"I don't know.  We haven't had any obvious blips on the shields."

"Yes, but they didn't catch Quirrel either," Harry pointed out.  Dumbledore gaped at him.  He shrugged.  "I figure Quirrel didn't sleep or bathe in his turban.  He had to take it off at least once in the months he was here.  I'm not sure how he shielded it to get past it when he was wearing it."

Dumbledore nodded.  "That is a good point, Harry.  I'll think about how he did that."  He looked at the boy.  "You've grown."

"Xander had us drinking some hyper-milk as Sam called it.  Super calcium and a lot of minerals.  It came from a harmless demon species that's used like we use cows.  Plus a lot of very good food.  He's an excellent cook and I learned a lot of techniques from him for the next person who thinks I'm a house elf."  He looked at his professor.  "Can I go settle into my room?"

"Of course you may.  Your trunk?"

"Is probably inside the bag as well," he admitted dryly.  "The thing's never ending and bottomless, Professor."  He took his bag from her.  "Please don't share that," he said quietly.

She nodded.  "I won't with more than Madam Pomfrey."  He smiled and nodded, heading up to his room.  She cleared her throat.  "That young Xander boy was very nice.  A bit older than Harry himself.  Sam and Dean were slightly older than him.   Xander has a worse version of the same problem Mr. Potter has.  He also showed up with a lot of information about things that could harm the boy if he gets exposed to it or that could actually make his problem worse.  Two are fairly common potions ingredients this year.  I have no idea how he'll deal with those.  I'll need to talk to Professor Snape about that later.  I was with them when they went shopping.  He got everything he needed for the next little while."  She walked off, going up to the infirmary, with a stop in Potions on the way.  "May we speak, Severus?" she asked quietly when he came to the door.

"About?"

"It's something important but that must be kept quiet."

He nodded.  "Where and when?"

"I'm headed up to the infirmary now if you could join us."

He looked at his students.  "I will be back in ten minutes.  Do not do anything outside of reading."  He followed her up there, going into the office with the nurse.  "I take it Potter has finally deigned to join us?" he sneered.

"His teacher was a bit late due to a kidnaping by some furry demons."  Snape sat down hard, staring at her.  She held up the allergy page.  "These things can greatly harm the boy.  At the bottom is what we can do if he's surging and what can be taken once every few months by the instructions to help weed him out.  On the back side are things that can make his condition worse.  The ones who were teaching him had the same problem but were from another realm."  Snape stared at her.  "A demon told Mr. Harris about Mr. Potter.  They're looking to acquire him at all costs as a concubine."

He shuddered.  "That is a fate I'd not want even the Dark Lord to have."  He looked over the list.  "Seven of these are on my curriculum."  He looked at the back side.  "Most of these as well."

"Can he wear gloves?" Poppy asked, taking the information packet.  "Oh, good!"  She looked at the name.

McGonagall smiled at her horrified look.  "The group started as a support group among favored concubines in far distant history, even for us.  That's explained in there."  She nodded, flipping through it.  She looked at Snape again.  "How would you like to handle this?"

"I would not," he said, handing it over.  "I can excuse him from his class for this allergy."

She frowned.  "He needs it to get into the auror academy."

"Can he truly fight like this?"

"As long as he's worn out according to the book, he's perfectly normal.  It's when he's not worn them out that he's flighty, confused, bouncy, hyper, and can't concentrate."

Snape shuddered.  "I've seen others taking things to put them into that state."

Pomfrey looked at him.  "I saw Mr. Malfoy when his father ordered him to try it.  He's already a very low registering one, Severus, and you need to warn the boy.  I tried but I'm just a mediwitch."

He groaned, shuddering worse this time.  "That's an even worse thought."

"For right now, his trainer gave him a unique fighting style that incorporates dance and sword work to wear some of these hormones out until he can find a good friend to have relations with," McGonagall told him.  "If he must, he might be able to teach Malfoy some of it."

He magically copied the list.  "I'll send him up to look over that book as well."  He left, going down to his classroom.  The change bell had just rang so he got to join the seventh years.  Potter and Malfoy were ignoring each other already.  "You two, my office.  The rest of you sit down."  He walked in there once he had gotten them started, handing Malfoy the allergy list.  "You may not touch any of those, Mr. Malfoy."

Harry looked confused.  "He is?"  Snape nodded.  "Are we sure?"

"Quite.  I saw what happened when his father encouraged him this summer.  Our mediwitch agreed.  She has Mr. Potter's information packet upstairs if you wish to look at it."

Harry grimaced.  "Over there they have conventions but you don't talk about other members, Professor.  It leads to more chances of kidnaping."

"I can understand why.  That is a fate I would wish on no one.  However, neither of you may be in here because most of those lists are forbidden to you and on the curriculum this year."

Draco gave him a dirty look.  "Why would it matter?  They worked when I needed it to."

Harry sighed, pulling something out of his bag.  "This is a test kit.  Xander got it for me.  Add three drops of blood to the gauze, Malfoy."  He sneered but did so.  Harry followed the directions he had been taught, letting him see the test panel.  Malfoy stomped out.  He burned the gauze once the test kit was back in his bag.  "Are you sure I can't stay in and wear gloves?"

"For the next three months we'll be dealing with the herbs on the raising side of the list."

"I don't want to do that.  It's bad enough where I am.  Thank you for letting me know, Professor.  I'll talk to McGonagall later about putting something in this class's place.  May I be excused to the library?"  He nodded curtly so Harry left.  It was surprisingly nice of his professor but he knew that his hormone condition had annoyed him last year when it had been found right before final exams.  And hey, one less NEWT to study for really.

Draco stormed into the infirmary.  The nurse was unimpressed but gave him the pamphlet before he could demand it, pointing at her office desk chair for him to sit in.  "Leave it on my desk when you're done.  If you copy it, do not let it out of your hands, Mr. Malfoy.  It is dangerous and could get you stolen or sold into a life as a castrated concubine.  As the historical members were."  He went pale and wobbled.  "Exactly.  That's why we are so circumspect about these matters.  You may copy it for your own personal use but it had better not get out of your hands and you had better not talk about anyone else who has the same problem or they're in danger like you are."

"I understand," he said through gritted teeth.  She pointed at her desk chair again, letting him read in private.  He settled in to read, grimacing at the group's name but he understood why after reading the history section.  Some things suddenly made sense about what he had noticed in the last few years.  He did make himself a copy and sent his mother the most pertinent part of it; nothing that would get him in trouble if they found out however.  He put the pamphlet on the desk and walked out.  "What can be done?"

"Wearing it out can come in many forms," she reminded him.  "You're not that ...strong on their scale.  That makes it easier.  Also, I was told that someone had recently learned a self-defense style that included dance and sword work that would help with that.  His trainer told him."

"I'm not learning anything off Potter," he said firmly.

"That's fine then.  We'll see what happens.  Usually you're fine but do be aware of those herb lists, Mr. Malfoy.  Especially the ones that can make you surge."

"Agreed.  Herbology?"

She shrugged.  "Professor McGonagall is handling this issue for now.  She's went over that same packet.  I'm assuming she has a way of calling that trainer here if we need to.  She can ask her."

"Thank you.  I sent the historical section to my mother."

"That's reasonable.  It would warn her about certain things.  Now go back to class."

"I'm kicked out of potions."

"I'm sure you can find some elective to take its place or sleep in on these days," she said dryly.

He shrugged and walked off sulking.  This was going to ruin his life.  He just knew it was.  He'd never get accepted into service and he'd never get married to a decent wife because of this.  A school owl came down to him in the hall, hooting until he took the small package.  "What's this?"  It flew off so he looked at the note attached.

//This helps wear it out.  Even small pleasures keep it down and I know you liked potions.  It's my good deed for the week.  Enjoy.//

He sneered but opened it, almost smiling at the chocolates inside.  He nibbled one and did feel better.  So maybe they had a point when they said chocolate cured life's ills and shocks.  He waited until McGonagall was watching the students instead of lecturing, nodding at her office when he caught her attention from the door.  She nodded and he headed that way, eating another one.  "Herbology?" he asked quietly.  "Since I just got kicked out of potions and I was told you're handling this issue?"

"I'll ask her later.  Not with any details but I do know that a few years back one of  you was in her house."

He nodded, finishing that chocolate.  "What can I use to put in the place of Potions?  Snape probably won't let me near his office in case I surge."

"That's a good point but fairly paranoid, Mr. Malfoy."  She found her schedule and looked it over.  "We have Runes, Arithmancy, and Muggle Studies but I doubt you'd like that one."  He shook his head, starting to sneer again.  "Are you in the other two?"  He nodded.  "Then I'd suggest a study hall period.  You'll want it for NEWTs anyway."

"That will cut me down to four classes if I can't take Herbology."

"Oh.  Hmm.  Let me check with her first."  He nodded.  "See me after lunch, Mr. Malfoy.  Eat more than chocolate as well.  You still need a balanced diet to be healthy."  He grimaced but walked out.  She smiled at his back.  "This might make him slightly more tolerable."  She summoned a house elf and copied the allergy sheet to hand over with a note.  "Straight to Madam Sprout and only her."  The house elf nodded, disappearing.  They met between classes.  "Well?"

"I've got all of them on my lessons because Severus does," she said.  "And Hagrid has one I know because he's doing safe sedative potions this term.  Where did we get this list?"

"Another student has that same hormone condition," she said quietly.  "A demon heard and told someone in another realm who has it.  That one came to train the student."  Madam Sprout looked amused.  "Apparently they're going to start hunting him soon."

"Oh, dear.  Potter doesn't need more problems."

"The more people who know about him, the more danger he's in," she instructed.  "Poppy has their information package."  That got a nod.  "In case we get another one."

Harry walked past them.  "And I have a test kit.  It's easy enough to make replacements," he hissed, earning a smile.  "Herbology?"

"Not a chance," McGonagall said.  "And you'll have to sit out of a few lessons with Hagrid as well."

"I can watch and take notes but not touch it."

"Good."  Madam Sprout looked at him.  "We're doing all the ones on the Potions lessons."

"Hermione will be thrilled with the amount of time I'll have for revision."  McGonagall smirked at him.  He smirked back.  "I've got about five or six hours so I'll be practicing my self defense after dinner?"  She nodded.  "I'll use the Room of Requirement so no one can catch me.  Just for safety reasons.  It was odd.  Xander's almost always backed up because he's worse than I am.  Much worse than I am.  He was reading and one popped in to give him something to nibble on.  He didn't seem to realize it until Dean shot it to make it go away.  They almost consider that normal because of how backed up he is."

"You shall not be," she told him.

"I need to find a lover then," he said quietly, making both teachers blush.  "Works the best," he said with a shrug.  "I can do some but even then I'll have some leftover now and then."  He looked at his professor.  "What is my schedule?"  She went to write it out for him.  He looked at the other professor.  "I don't mind if you copy it off for others but the more who know, the more danger we're in if they know who we are."

"I will not be telling anyone, young man."

"Thank you.  Xander said castration really hurts and they do that when they keep you."  He walked off scowling once he had his schedule.  He went to Magical Creatures.  "Hagrid."  He gave him a hug.  "Sorry I'm a bit late.  I was talking to McGonagall."

"It's good we got you back from wherever, 'Arry," he said with a smile.  "Where were you?"

"I had a trainer teaching me something.  He got a bit taken for a bit so I was delayed."  That got a nod.  He pulled him aside.  "I'm told that I'm going to start having some herbal allergies.  Madam Sprout said something about a safe sedative I'm not allowed near because of that.  So can you warn me?  I'll take notes that day."

"O'course I can," he agreed.  "Not a problem."  He patted him on the head.  "You really grew this summer."

"Xander's a fantastic cook.  He also found some milk from some sort of harmless demon that's got a lot more vitamins and things.  Said it's perfectly safe," he said at the scowl.  "He'd know.  He hunted them for years.  It helped a lot."

"I guess that's fine then."

"Tastes about the same.  I couldn't tell the difference."  That got another grimace.  "Anyway, are we doing that today?"

"No.  Today we're doing some water creatures."  Harry grinned and they walked back to join the class.  "We're doing some water creatures today so down to the lake."  They walked that way, making sure to stay out of the mud.  He followed, wondering what was going on.   Harry hadn't had allergies before.  At lunch he asked McGonagall, who explained that the herbs on the list could possibly kill him in the right doses and some would make him go back to that bouncy, hyper Harry he had been at the end of last year when he had gotten sick.  So he'd go along with the allergies and make sure he didn't touch 'em.

***

Harry was found pacing in front of the Room of Requirement later on by his friends.  "Problems?" he asked with a smile.  He had eaten quickly to come do this, getting done before Ron and Hermione made it down to dinner.

Ron punched him on the arm.  "Git, you're late."

Harry shrugged.  "The trainer I was with for the last bit of the summer got kidnaped by some furry demons who wanted to pet his hair."  The room's doors appeared and he walked in.  One wall had mirrors covering it; the floor was wood sanded smooth and even.  There was a single bar on one side of the room for him to use while stretching.  The whole area was empty of things for him to run into.  Learning how to dance by not running into the sitting area had been a bit more tricky than doing it in the open on the meeting realm. "Oh, this is perfect.  Thank you, Room."  He looked at them.  "Um, guys, I need to practice some stuff.  It's probably going to look a bit funny but I'm told you probably don't want to watch."

"Why?" Hermione asked.  "What were you being trained in?"

"I was being trained by a few demon hunters in a few different things."  He moved to a bar to stretch.  He had learned why the first time he had hurt himself.  Hermione gave him the oddest look but she sat down.  "Someone summon my endless bag?  It was on my bed."

Ron pulled his wand.  "Accio Harry's endless bag," he cast.  It came flying in and the door shut again.  "So, what were you learning, Harry?"

"A bit of this and that from three demon hunters.  They found out some demons want to own me."  He stretched the other way then got into his bag to pull out his sword.  Xander had taught him the whole series.  They had spent nearly six months out of time.  Hermione gave him another strange look.  "I'll need it later.  It's a self-defense style that has some dance in it to help my balance and things."

"Oh."

"Will it help on a broom?" Ron asked.

"I don't know," he admitted.  He steadied himself.  "Turn around?" he asked when he couldn't because they were staring.  They did and found a mirror so they could still see but he couldn't see them watching him.  It was easier that way.  He moved into the first turn, starting the first kata series.  The second had sword work and it was comfortable.  His muscles were burning but he expected that.  He moved into the third, then the fourth, then dropped the sword to do the next two.  He could hear a small whimpering noise and stopped to look back at them.  "Hermione!"

"Not me," she said, wiping her mouth off before turning to look at him.  "Why are you doing it that way?"

"Because it's a self-defense style almost no one can counter.  The one who taught me is a high priest to Cupid and Strife and was taught at a temple to Ares, God of War."

"Oh," she said weakly.  "They fought like that in Ancient Greece?"

"No, he said he learned it in another realm.  It just helps."  Ron made another whimpering noise.  "Ron!"  Ron gave him a pitiful look.  Harry put his hands on his hips. "I told you not to watch.  Shoo, let me finish and shower then we'll talk?"  Hermione nodded, dragging Ron with her.  Harry went back to it.  It was nice to be moving again.  The sword got picked up for the last few katas.  Then he stretched and went to shower.  Before he got pounced.  He had learned that lesson the last time he had been sweaty.  A house elf stopped to stare at him.  "Let me shower."

"Boys should shower.  Is sweaty," she ordered with a point.  He grinned, hurrying on before she pounced.  That would be wrong and he'd have a migraine from it.  Plus he'd never be able to keep food down again.  He hurried into the house and into the shower, coming out dressed in after-hours clothes.  He flopped down beside Ron, giving him a nudge to make him shut his mouth.  "Feel better?"

"Do you?" he demanded.

Harry grinned.  "It's very useful.   I can use the sword very well now."

Ron swallowed.  "I don't want to know."

"Can't tell you most of it anyway," he promised with a grin.

"Good!"  He bopped Harry on the thigh.  "Now what?"

"Now, I study other things.  Xander and Sam gave me some areas to look into that might help me a lot with the constant problem we've had.  If so, it might lead to a faster end to the war," he said quietly.  That got a nod and a happier look from Ron.  "Now that I don't have Potions or Herbology anymore, I can spend that time looking that stuff up."

"I can help," Hermione said.  "Why don't you have them?"

"I found out I have a few herb allergies this summer."

She frowned.  "How?"

"It's fairly common and I can't tell you."  She scowled.  He stared back.  "I can't."  He looked at Ron again.  "No more coming down to watch?"

"No.  I don't think so."  Harry grinned.  "You always do that?"

"I know the dances that go along with the katas as well.  They're even worse for making others drool."

Ron wiped his mouth to make sure he wasn't.  "Don't do them around Ginny?" he begged.

"I don't want anyone watching me, Ron.  I'd get self-conscious."  He yawned.  "I'm heading up to rest.  I'll see you two tomorrow."  He headed up there to climb into bed.  He had taken care of himself in the bath.  Now he needed a post-handling himself nap.

Ron and Hermione shared a look.  "That's very odd," she told him.  "Usually he'd tell us."

"We might not need to know," Ron pointed out.  "Or he might not be able to teach us that."

"I don't think I could be that flexible anyway," she said with a light blush.  "Maybe it's the key to another form of magic."

"Maybe," he decided.  It was odd, and really hot looking, which was going to freak him out if he kept thinking about it.  He didn't think about Harry that way.   Most of the time, but his hormones did overrule him now and then to think about anything and everything that might be capable of sex with him.

***

Harry looked up from his research topic of the moment, frowning when he saw who was staring at him.  "Yes, Headmaster?"

"Class work, Harry?"

"No, an extra research topic that Xander thought might be helpful.  We don't have many books on it but Madam Pince decided it could be useful and it's not in the restricted section at all."

"Really?  On what?"

"Power flows and the natural spots it congregates in.  He thought that it might help if we had to interrupt any ritual magic going on.  Or even help if we had to do something ritually to stop Voldemort."

"I see.  That's an interesting area of study.  Ritual magic has a lot of areas that might be helpful."  That trainer Harry had spent time with was clearly nosing his way into the war when he didn't belong and was clearly taking over control of Harry's thoughts.  He had to do something to break that dependence.

Harry nodded, grinning slightly.  "That's what he thought."  The bell to change classes rang so he put things up and hurried off to Defense.  This year's teacher was only mildly bad.  Mostly it was that he couldn't *teach* but he knew what he was doing.  He simply couldn't explain how he was doing things.  He ran into Hermione there.  "Ran into the headmaster," he said quietly.

"Why?"

"I was studying an area Xander said I might want to look into."

"Of?" she pressed.

"Power flows and congregating spots?  To help counter any ritual magic?"

"That might help," she admitted.  "I'll help you after class."

"I've already started.  Madam Pince helped me find all the books."  She smiled at his self-reliance.  "Besides, some of the rituals mentioned are pretty strange."

"Quite," she agreed.  They sat down in their usual seats, waiting on Ron to come stomping in from Herbology.  She saw him covered in flecks and seeds.  "Go shake off, Ronald."

"Why?"

Harry started to itch.  "Crap.  Ron, get away from me!"  Ron backed off, looking scared.  Harry continued to scratch.  "Professor, I'm heading to get something before this allergy gets out of hand."  He hurried up there, letting the nurse give him an amused look.  "Ron came in from Herbology and I started to scratch and have hives."

She checked his skin, taking the seed to see what it was.  She hummed, getting him an allergy potion.  "Not one on the list but apparently a physical allergy.  It was one that was listed as some do and some don't, Mr. Potter."

"On the surging side?" he asked.

She hummed but nodded.  "I'll make sure he goes to wash off.  Go back to class but sit away from him and everyone else in there."  He nodded, trudging back that way.  She followed after tossing out the seed.  She smiled at the teacher as she walked in.  "Mr. Weasley and all those others who came in covered with seeds, go change," she ordered.  They ran to do that.  "Sorry, he got a good case of hives from it."

"I can understand that.  I get them from bubotubers."

"Then beware the third years," she said dryly, going back up to make a note in Harry's chart.  It was getting a bit thick.  She'd have to start him a new folder soon.

Harry rubbed some more of the stuff onto his hives, keeping himself from scratching.  Hermione tried a healing spell while the teacher lectured but it wasn't helping.  In fact, he could feel a surge coming on.  He concentrated on his hormone levels, keeping them as low as he could until the teacher noticed him squirming.

"Mr. Potter, are the hives still bothering you?"

"Yes, sir," he said, hoping to be excused.  "We've even tried a healing spell."

"Go wash the area.  That usually helps.  Try some cold water."  Harry nodded, heading for the bathroom to deal with that and himself.  The teacher noticed he didn't come back and went looking, finding him mid-groan.  "What are you doing?" he demanded.

Harry summoned the pamphlet, letting him see it.  He finished up and came out to wash his hands.  "That particular one can make them surge, Professor."  The professor stared.  "I could have lost control in there.  I'm trying to keep it quiet."

"Good job, ten points for that.  One of my roommates had that problem."  He left, going back to his lecture while Harry finished cleaning his arm.  It did look really nasty now.  When he started to come back he pointed. "Infirmary."  Harry got his bag and headed up there instead.  "Now, where were we?"

Harry walked into the infirmary, letting her see his arm.  "I surged."

"Oh, dear."

"Fortunately I made it to the bathroom in time to handle it."  She pointed at the infectious ward and he went to lay down while she came to treat the allergy marks on his arm.  "How often is this going to happen?"

"I'd hope not often.  Before we had a lot of them up here during surges to keep them safe.  I noticed your information packet disappeared?"

"I showed it to the defense teacher when he caught me handling it," he said grimly.  "He said one of his roommates had it."

"Yes he did.  He had the worst luck controlling it too.  At least you're doing better there."

"I saw why.  That's why I was late," he said dryly, grinning a bit at her.  She smirked back.  "Honestly.  Xander's a level ten."  She shuddered.  "He's never not backed up and he's got *two* boyfriends, two dogs to train, and four ferrets.  Plus some horses.  I saw a lot of things that wanted to court or own him because of his hormones.  I'm hoping I never get that bad."

"We all hope that, Mr. Potter."  She tucked him in and made a note about that allergy.  She hated these hormone surges but there was really nothing she could do about it beyond letting the people nap it off after they had...taken care of the underlying cause.  The headmaster and McGonagall walked in.  "Ron Weasley brought in some seeds from herbology.  They're one of the contact allergies.  Mr. Potter's arm is eaten up with the hives.  Plus it made him surge but he was good enough to keep it in the bathroom."

"Good," she agreed.  "Is he resting?"

"Probably trying to.  He didn't look too tired."  She pointed so they went to check on him.

"You managed to hold in a surge?"

"Xander taught me how to lower them if I had to for easier getting away or to raise them if I had to use them offensively," he admitted.  "As long as it's a minor surge, I can handle it until I can get somewhere to *handle it* most of the time."

"Excellent."  She looked at his arm, wincing.  "How covered was he?"

"It looked like the plant barfed seeds on him," he said with a grin.  "He was covered.  Neville too."

"Knowing that plant, it probably did," she agreed.  She checked him over.  "No lounging around for too long."

"No, once I quit itching," he said, making himself not scratch.  "I'll go back to class, Professor.  Or the library to do more research on what Xander said might be helpful."

"What did he assign you to look up?"

"He thought some power flow research might be helpful in case we ran into that could be disrupted, like a ritual casting.  Or possibly to help cancel his resurrection that way if I can find anything on that.  He thought some smith-crafting to learn more about the weapons and how they were formed magically might help at some time.   Since I can do some wandless stuff, Sam and he suggested a whole list of books I can look into for help on that. Xander did caution me that he had seen people who could use that form get addicted so he wanted me to be very cautious and to do things the formal way instead of 'on the fly casting' as he called it."  She nodded, looking pleased.  "Plus when I'm in the dance, I can feel magic coming to me."  He frowned then smiled at her.  "Plus he gave me a very good recipe book of the ones he likes a lot.  He also suggested I learn how to do some gem evaluation since a lot of demons have courted him by leaving him some."

"They have?" Dumbledore asked.

"That's to mostly get his attention so he'd know they were interested, Headmaster.  He makes them take them back when he can.  Since he's a known weapons person, some leave him weapons.  One left him a baby tiger cub.  One left him a bejeweled mummy at one point in time."  He grinned.  "One sent him a chocolate statue of female genitalia with a six-foot white chocolate toy in the box, and a necklace from Cartier."  McGonagall blushed, clutching her throat.  "He was not amused with that one.  Said he went to bed with a headache that night."

"I would have too," she agreed firmly.  "Should we watch out for that sort of interest?"

"From what he heard, they want me a lot since someone brought me to their attention.  Nothing like the ones that want him, Sam, and Dean for being demon hunters.  I'm only a being with a destiny.  They're higher on status points."  They looked confused.  He sat up.  "What we are, the type of people we are, are taken as concubines," he told her.  She nodded slowly at that.  "Concubines that are special or have special skills, or used to be your enemy, give you higher status if you can attain them."

"Oh!" she said, getting it.  Then she remembered the prophecy about the boy.  "Oh, dear."  He nodded.  "So Xander hunted them and he's got a worse condition so therefore he's more wanted."

"I'm a higher level than Sam and Dean.  We're about tied on their want lists because they hunt demons and I've got that stupid prophecy and an evil thing wanting to kill me."  He grinned.  "One even came to me to say he'd help me defeat Voldemort if I became his plaything."

"I doubt that would be necessary," she said firmly.

"Yes, but if his people find out, the same demon could make them a wonderful offer if they would give me to him."

"I understand that risk," she assured him, giving him a pat.  "That spot on your arm really does look nasty."

"And it itches," he assured her.

"I can tell."  She patted him on the shoulder.  "You did good getting to somewhere safe to handle it."

"I did hear that frustration bombs might happen, and if they do I'm very sorry.  Those I probably can't hold off all that long."

"We've had half-veela here who have had the same problem," Dumbledore assured him.

"Xander told me there's a demonic convention coming up for the GHS members who've been taken as concubines and mates, plus all the veelas and siren offspring they associate with.  It's supposed to be near the holidays and he said he might attend that one to check up on me.  Supposedly it happens outside London every ten years or so."

"The Ministry helps put up shields around it," she agreed.  "It's right near a muggle maternity center I do believe."

"So if it leaks they're nearby for when the baby surge happens in a few months?" he asked with a grin.

"Apparently.  Lay down."  He did that.  "Good boy.  I'll talk to Professor Flitwick about you missing his class in case that doesn't go away before lunch."  She left with the Headmaster.  "I do believe Xander was quite helpful to him.  Even if it did make us all paranoid it was a bit helpful."

"How did he come to their attention?"

"Xander told me that a demon had told him to cancel out a kitten poker debt," she told him as they walked down the stairs.

"I see."

"That way he could train the new young one before someone stole him for good from us."

"Hmm."  He went to his office.

McGonagall went up to charms, waving him out for a moment.  "Mr. Potter ended up being allergic to something that came out of Herbology today.  Mr. Weasley was kindly wearing some seeds on his shirt when he came in and Mr. Potter's arm is a mass of hives.  He's in the infirmary.  They're trying to decrease them but it hasn't helped so far," she said quietly.

"That's reasonable."  He pulled her away from the door.  "I was talking with Madam Sprout and she said something about some new information?"

"I'll tell you during lunch."  He nodded, going back to his class while she went to her free period of grading.   She had a class next period and so did he so he came down at the start of lunch.  She got the information to hand to him.  "Mr. Potter has that problem," she said quietly.  "A demon kindly told a person they wanted in another realm with the same problem so he came to train him this summer."

"I'd heard he'd been taken for some training off-realm."  He settled in to read the information, staring at her.  "Another one?"

"Two," she admitted.  "We have two but one's very low level."  He grimaced but nodded. "Mr. Potter learned a lot about how to control himself and them from him."

"Good!  The last one we had leaked all over the place and nearly caused a few orgies during his NEWTs."

"He did say that sometimes frustration would make it worse.  He managed to hold off a small surge thanks to those seeds until he could...."  She coughed.  "Handle it for himself in the bathroom."

"Even better!"  He looked at her.  "Which seeds did it?"  She handed him her copy of the allergy list.  "This is extensive.  Someone must've done a lot of testing."

"Indeed.  On the other side are things that can make them surge."

He shuddered, memorizing that list as well.  "The next time we have one who suddenly breaks out, we'll know what to do."  She nodded.  "Interesting.  Anything else come of his sudden bout of training?"

"He said he learned a very unique style of self-defense work that came with a built-in dance."  He looked amused.  "Apparently it *helps*."

"Ah."  He considered it.  "How bad is it?"

"I have no idea.  He was practicing last night in the Room of Requirement.  Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley both came out blushing brightly at what they had seen."

"That might be interesting to watch," he decided.

"It could be.  We should ask them how ...enticing it is, just in case someone spies."

"I can do that.  I have them both after lunch."  He smiled.  "Thank you.  The other Heads of Houses know?"

She nodded.  "You were the last because we had to make sure he wouldn't run into those herbs in Herbology or Potions."

He shuddered.  "They're all on the syllabus the last time I knew."  She nodded.  "They both need the study time probably.  I'll see you at the table."  He walked out thinking.  Then he decided to ask a question.  He found Mr. Potter scarfing food.  His arm was wrapped tightly in some bandages that looked a bit gross.  "You're leaking," he told him.

Harry jumped, looking at him.  "No I'm not."  He pointed at the bandage.  "Oh, that."  He grimaced.  "Yeah, they're nasty to look at but I was starved and I should probably go to class."

"I had a small question."

"If I can answer I will."

"Is there a way to test future problems?"

"There's a test kit for those who already have broken out," he offered.  That got a beaming smile.  "We'll have to have Professor Snape or someone mix the solutions that get dropped onto some blood."

"That would be most reasonable.  Do you know what they are?"

"It's on the back of the test kit.  I have mine in my bag from earlier."

"Excellent.  May I?"  Harry dug it out and handed it over.  "Not very hard to mix as long as you could find the proper chemicals."

"Xander said you can find most of them at any good chemical shop and that one," he said with a point, "at most muggle grocery stores."

"Even better.  Can you let Madam Pomfrey make her own?"

"Of course.  If she wants.  Do we think there's more?"

"One never knows but one should be aware of it in case of future problems."

He leaned down next to the tiny teacher's ear.  "If I ever get that bad, in my trunk is a calling stone for Xander's house.  He lives in Miami in his realm."  That got a nod from the charms teacher.  He sat back up.  "That way if I *ever* get that bad or I start to surge or something," he said quietly.

"Agreed.  We can handle that."  He handed back the kit.  "I'll have them take it tonight to make our own for the infirmary.  Have those changed before class, Mr. Potter."

"Yes, Professor Flitwick."  The professor smiled and walked up to his seat.  Hermione was giving him a pointed stare.  "Remember last year before finals?"  She grimaced but nodded.  "The test kit shows how bad that is."

"I see.  What does it show on people without that problem?"

"Not a bloody thing," he said with a grin.

"Even better.  Put it away."  He did that.  "How is your arm?"

"Itches like I've got things nibbling on it."  He finished up and headed back up there for some new lotion to be put on and then new bandages.  He barely made it to charms in time.  He saw Hermione thinking and shook his head, getting a frown back.  He'd have to make sure she understood that she couldn't do anything about them.  Last year she had tried to look for a cure so he was normal again.  Now he knew why there wasn't one.

***

Harry came out of his last kata, finding Professors Flitwick, Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape watching him.  "Sorry, didn't know you were in here."  The room gave him a towel to wipe his face off.  "Um, can I escape or did I accidentally affect someone?" he asked when they continued to stare.

"Nice sword work," Flitwick said finally.

Harry grinned.  "They're the self-defense katas that are built into the storytelling dances.  It's the life story of a young man who goes for warrior training, fights in a few battles, gets captured, sold, has to fight and make his owner like him, gets freed after another battle or two, and then goes home to get married before he ends up teaching others.  There's eighty hours total of all the storylines.  The katas are faster and keep me well-enough in shape."

McGonagall cleared her throat, shaking Snape loose from his staring as well.  "I can see why it keeps your hormones down."

He nodded.  "Plus helps with my balance, grace, and sword work," he agreed.

Dumbledore cleared his throat.  "How often do you do these, Harry?"

"Every day.  Physical fitness is important when you're getting ready to go to war or simply protecting yourself."

"Another order from Xander?" Snape asked.

"No, from Dean.  His and Sam's family have been hunting demons since Dean was four.  He's thirty and has been hunting them on his own now for years."

Snape nodded once.  "I can see why fitness would be important to such a person.  You do not need to."

"I do, it's the best way to wear out the stupid hormones until I find someone I want to date, Professor.  Plus it gives me time to think about things without really thinking if that makes sense."

"Like meditation," Flitwick agreed.  "Some day I would like to see these storylines."  Dumbledore gave him an incredulous look.  "They sound and look quite interesting."

"They are.  It's somewhere between native dancing and belly dancing according to Sam.  Xander taught Sam and Dean both the same dance style."

"They were both very tall boys," McGonagall said.

Harry grinned.  "Sam's six-five.  Dean's six-one and so's Xander."  He stretched up to pop his back then wiggled a bit.  "There, better.  My back needed to pop after that last leap.  It usually does."  He looked at the staring professors.  "That's why I do it in here, so no one can watch me."

"That's probably a good idea," Snape said dryly.

Harry grinned.  "Hermione tried the first night, Ron too.  Ron squeaked for hours."  McGonagall laughed.  "What else can I do for you tonight, Professors?"

"Is all this really necessary to keep you lowered?" Dumbledore asked.

"Headmaster, level eights are very high up.  I can consciously or unconsciously lose control of myself and send this whole school into a rutting fit."  Snape's mouth flopped open.  "I was taught to do it consciously as a last resort to get free of an attack.  I have better weapons than that at my disposal.  Unconsciously would include surges and those things.  We all surge sometimes.  Dean told me he surged once because he had food poisoning and felt miserable."  He wiped his sword down and put it back into his bag.  "Right afterward, some demons decided to take their ammunition from their car's hunting supplies, replacing it with gold and then chocolate.  And then tried to take Dean.  Fortunately Sam had bought more."

"They hunt with what?" Snape demanded.

"Usually, shotguns, but they also use machetes, axes, short swords, regular swords thanks to Xander, some small wandless spells now and then.  Xander learned a lot more about ancient weapons while Dean and Sam learned primarily modern muggle weapons.  The three made sure I was proficient in *all* of them in case it was necessary.  After all, Xander fought his way out of a harem of flame demons with salt and sugar once.  I'm not that good yet."

"Smothered them?" Flitwick guessed.  Harry grinned and nodded.  "That would seem effective if you didn't have water."

"No, none there at all.  Dean's last one Sam solved by running over in their car.  They wanted to make sure I was well-protected since I'm not in the same realm and I don't have the backup of the support group.  If I did, they actually have military people who go on rescues when they need it."

McGonagall swallowed.  "Can't they lower them?"

"Xander can't get out of backlog.  Sam and Dean are only half as high up as Xander is.  They're wanted for their jobs.  Sam's got a small prophecy about him as well, but he's denying it and fighting it hard.  He doesn't want to lead an army of demons."

"I can't say as I blame him," Flitwick decided.  "I would still like to learn more about this dance style."

"Sure.  But I can't teach."

"Agreed, I doubt I've ever been that limber."  He smiled.  "Go clean up before someone gets ...antsy from your sweat."

"First, I want to see what's in this test kit," Snape said.  Harry got it out of his school bag, tossing it over.  He caught it and looked at the ingredients.  "I know where I can procure most of it."

Flitwick pointed.  "That one he said can come from muggle grocery stores."

"Indeed.  Or the herbalist in Diagon.  I'll ask her about the last one.  The allergy list, it was quite extensive."

Harry sat down, looking at them.  "The group had a chemist go through all the herb samples he could and test everything he could.  They had a list of eight or so before he started to test.  He tested all the herbs, herbal supplements they could find, diet supplements they could find, and everything else to make sure nothing else surprised them.  At one point, one of Xander's boyfriends tried some herb and vitamin laden gas that was supposed to help suppress things.  It ended up making him surge during a convention."  They all shuddered.  "Thankfully he tried it instead of Xander as a security precaution."

"What do his boyfriends do?" McGonagall asked.

"One's a detective.  I met him.  He came up to help Xander when he was clearly backlogged much too much.  Right before we came back.  The other is a criminalist. That's an officer that finds out who did crimes by using science and a laboratory."

"We have aurors who do basically the same thing using magic," Flitwick offered.  Harry grinned at that.  "Doing those, how much backlog do you keep, Harry?"

"Not that much.  I'm usually pretty worn out.  I ...handle it in the morning and then after I do this I usually finish it off, then do my homework, Professor.  That way I can shower in peace and privacy more often."

"That's a wise decision," McGonagall agreed.  "Does Xander work?"

"No, ma'am.  He used to work construction before his hormones got out of control.  Afterward, he's usually too confused to do much of anything.  Though he does crochet and ride his horses nearly every day.  Plus he's a fantastic cook."

"He can't wear his out?" Snape asked.  "With that herb mix?"

"That's to be used once in a great while, Professor Snape.  Any more often and it leads to lethargy, lack of eating, and then death."  Snape shuddered.  "Xander was doing that accidentally on an herbalist's word.  He had lost a good twenty pounds in the two weeks he was on it.  He spread it to others in the group and they also got too sick to work."  Flitwick shuddered.  "That's for things like I'm being rescued and have to be less noticed but you can't stick me in my never-ending bag."

"You can?" McGonagall asked.

Harry nodded.  "As long as it fits inside it'll hold it.  If the bag rips, it goes to a demon mafia realm but otherwise it'll hold anything that can fit inside.  Sam said he's had to help rescue Xander that way in the past."

"I would like to look at those spells," Flitwick said.

"As long as it doesn't break the bag or them," he offered.  That got a nod. "Let me empty it into my trunk for a few days.  Xander made sure I had the sword he gave me, a few daggers to wear when I had to leave the school, and Dean gave me a single weapon as well."  That got a nod.  "Plus all the clothes we found at that one huge bazaar."

"Define huge?" Dumbledore asked.

"It looked like they had hollowed out a moon or something and built it inside.  They had these neat flying carts that didn't go by magic.  That's where Xander got taken by the furry demons who wanted to pet his hair."

"His hair did look soft," McGonagall admitted.  "Can you do this during the day?"

"I'd rather do it at night so I have time to calm down afterward and I can immediately shower.  Plus if I should surge, it won't leak out and hit any full classrooms, ma'am."

"That is wise, plus you can use the wearing out after the day's exertions," she admitted.

He nodded.  "It gives me time to calm down after dinner.  Then I run up, take a shower, do my homework, and hit the bed."

"Can you do it later and do your homework first?" she suggested.  "That would be even less risky."

Harry blushed a little bit.  "I have about a six to eight hour cycle on my hormones at the moment.  That's about when I start to feel that confused/bouncy, starting to back up again feeling."  They all nodded at that.  "So I do it now because that's about when.  Plus it may be wearing me out extra far so I'm not in danger of accidentally hitting anyone overnight with them while I'm sleeping.  Like when I'm dreaming," he said at her confused look.  She blushed but nodded quickly that she understood.  "The boys don't mind, but I don't want to hit them and make them have to deal with it either.  It'd be unfair."

"It would be," she agreed, looking at the headmaster.  "It seems he's got a good plan in place for when things start to occur."

"Xander made sure I knew how to handle it when and if something happened, ma'am.   He's got the highest recorded levels in years, if not centuries."

"Ah.  That is the sort of careful attitude you need to not hormone anyone in class some day," she decided.  "Can you shower in here?"

"I could if the room gave me one and I brought down clothes.  I generally soak any clothes I wear when I'm working out immediately so the house elves don't get hit as well.  I have no idea if or how they'd react plus it means not stinking up the room with hormones and sweat."

"That's a very good idea," Flitwick agreed.  "Xander's?"

"Sam's.  He lived in a dorm for a bit.  He went to Stanford, in the US.  Nearly graduated before the demon killed his girlfriend one night.  He was going to go to law school."

"That's a very smart young man," Dumbledore said.  "Dean went to college as well?"

"Dean's a hands-on sort of learner.  He makes some of their equipment for hunting.  Xander's the same way, that's why he was made crew lead on his construction site within a year of starting work there."  That got a nod.  He grinned.  "At least I'm not the high maintenance level ten sort, sirs.  Xander said he goes out for massages every few days plus he has to have two boyfriends and he's still almost always backlogged unless there's a dangerous situation going on.  Even with this dance and katas plus all the cooking and chocolate he does all day long."

"Yes, thankfully you're not," Dumbledore agreed.  "You'd have to do your last year of school from a distance.  How does your teacher support himself?"

"He has money.  He's also got a safety deposit box of presents he couldn't get the ones who want him to take back yet.  There for a while he was fighting boredom by playing poker with the criminal element in Miami to keep them from using their funds for things like smuggling drugs and weapons.  His boyfriend Don said that he made close to a hundred million off that."  Snape's mouth fell open again.  He nodded.  "That way drug dealers and those sort couldn't use their funds for bad plans that would hurt their city.  Xander's very good friends with the station his boyfriends work in, plus the one's boss in the lab is like a family mentor.  He makes them meals all the time when he's bored."

"That is probably a lot of cooking," Flitwick said.

"He's an *excellent* cook, Professor.   He did something with steak that made it nearly fall apart and then added stir fried vegetables and a brandy sauce.  Plus all the sides and things.  I've seen less fancy meals on cooking shows and magazines."

"Interesting.  It's a good hobby to have and I'm sure his family enjoys it."

"Dean certainly did.  He drooled on Xander for cooking such good meals."  He grinned.  "Apparently when Xander was training them in ancient weapons and things, he made enough dinner for them to have leftovers every day.  Sam said they gained about ten pounds in two months from how good he cooks."

"Perhaps he should work in a restaurant then," Dumbledore said.

"Sir, that would create sweating, which would make others exposed to his hormones," Harry said dryly.  "Xander once brought down a shopping center, a full block of a shopping center, by fighting against someone trying to take him by letting loose."  The headmaster went a bit pale at that.  "Even if he could thanks to being backed up, it's not safe for him to be out of the house that often.  He said plenty like him live in secure compounds to be safe."

"Plenty of people don't work," Flitwick agreed.  "I'm sure his boyfriends make a good enough paycheck for them to live off of, Albus."

"Xander has over a hundred million dollars," Harry pointed out again dryly.  "He lives in a pretty nice mansion sized house in Miami.  In the States."  Snape gave him a horrified look.  "He manages to get out his need to work by cooking for the station where his boys work now and then, doing a lot of hobbies, helping others who need training, and those sort of things.  Even if he wants to work now and then he can't due to his hormones not being able to be weeded down that far."  He stood up.  "I think that's a sensible precaution with what happens when we're stolen.  Though, I'm told Xander's had a lot of fun destroying some of the realms he was stolen to in the past."  He smirked.  "I really should shower, Professors."  They nodded and left him alone.  He glared at the headmaster's back.  He didn't like where Dumbledore's thoughts had been leading.

***

"Come on, Draco, you have to eat," Pansy ordered from the Slytherin table.  They could hear her across the Great Hall easily enough.

"Why are you staring over there?" Hermione asked Ron.

Harry stared at him.  "Aw, shit," he muttered.  "Ron, is it like it was when Fleur was here?"  Ron nodded slowly.  "Ron's sensitive to hormone spikes.  So tell me if I do that."  He looked up at the worried looking Professor Snape, heading up there.  "Is he in a rut?" he asked quietly.  Snape flinched, looking down at him with his customary sneer.  "If he's rutting, it's probably not good."

"How would you know?"

"Ron's still sensitive to hormone spikes, like with Veelas," he said quietly.

"That explains a lot," he decided.  "I'll take that into account."

"Make him wear himself out and restart a normal schedule.  Starting with eating."

"I'll do what I can."

"I'm sure his father knows a whorehouse," Harry said bluntly.  Snape choked but nodded, going to check on his students.  Harry went back to his table, considering it.  He wished they had older members to help them, like a mentor.  Xander had said he still went to his about things.  Plus they were good friends to have.  Someone you could talk to about the problems going on in your life.  He really wished he could get one of them here to help them sometimes.  It'd make things easier.  He kicked Ron under the table.  "Quit, Ron."

Ron snapped out of it, staring at him.  "Huh?"

"It's like it was with Veela," Hermione said firmly.  "You're staring again."

"I can't really help it."

Harry nodded.  "I know."  Ron stared at him, looking confused.  "Some people are more sensitive than others."  He shrugged.  "Tell me if you start to feel like that about me so I can handle my own surge."

"Sure, I can do that," Ron promised, still looking confused.  Harry just grinned and handed Ron the pudding.  It was good for him.  Draco got led out of the Great Hall by Snape.  Harry sighed.  "Having a bad day?" Ron teased.

"Wishing we had some mentors here to lean on when things like this start happening."

"I'm sure you'll get to visit," Hermione said.

Harry nodded.  "Xander said he'd be at the convention this holiday."  He grinned.  "It's a multi-day convention just outside of London."  He dug in, eating heartily.  He needed it because he actually had a full afternoon of classes today.  His only one but he was going to be *so* bored with charms.  They were going to be going over the things he had gotten right last class.

***

Harry found Draco outside the Room of Requirement that night when he came down to practice.  "Feeling better?"

"Slightly," he said, staring at him.  "Why help me?"

"Because I don't want to see anyone suffer that way, Draco.  Plus, with you putting out that way, it puts you in more danger.  I'd never wish that life on anyone."

"What life?"

"The life of someone who's stolen and used."  Draco shuddered.  "Xander let me talk to a few so I could learn exactly what happened and what that life was like when I could only imagine it was bad.  I wouldn't want anyone to have it happen to them."  He looked at the room's usual place and started to pace.  "I'm going to work on the katas Xander taught me to help me wear these things out.  I can't teach them, I can only do them, but if you want...."  He turned and found Draco gone.  "Or not," he decided.  "So much for being nice this week."  The doors appeared and he headed inside.  This time the room had a shower for him.  He had forgotten that last time and had nearly gotten jumped by Ron in the common room.  He checked around the room, finding a portrait in there.  He stared at the person in it.  "Out please."  She looked offended.  "I'm not sure if I can affect you so please leave."  She wouldn't so he covered it with his shirt before moving to stretch.  Maybe tonight he'd go back to some of the original dances.  He was feeling a bit overloaded and uneasy.  Maybe Draco's spike had caused a small one in him.  Ron had been staring at him all afternoon.

***

Two weeks later, Hermione walked up to their head of house.  "Ma'am, do you have a few minutes?"

The girl looked serious and worried.  There was no way this was a minor issue.  "Of course, Miss Granger.  Let me get this class settled."  She went in to do that then came back out.  "What seems to be the problem?"

"Harry."

She grimaced.  "What about Mr. Potter?"

"He's been...lethargic and things for the last few days," she said quietly.  "He barely ate lunch.  We almost couldn't get him up for breakfast, but he insists he feels fine."

She thought about it.  "Do you think he's surging?"

"I have no idea," she admitted.  "All I know is he's napping in the common room and I can't get him up but he seems physically fine when I checked his pulse and things.  Even with a checking spell."

"Let me have Poppy see to him.  You could have went to her."

"I'm not sure if she could handle it if Harry's surging like Malfoy was late last month."

"We'd know if he was.  He's strong enough to knock half the school on their rears."  She went in to call the nurse from her office floo.  "Poppy, Mr. Potter won't wake up in the Gryffindor common room.  Miss Granger did a checking spell and claims it looked normal but he won't wake."

"I'll meet you up there."  She turned off the connection and gathered things up.  She had an idea what was wrong.  If so, she wanted to beat someone senseless.  She met the deputy headmistress up there, going in to use the test kit on Harry.  She winced. "That's not good."

"A surge?"

"No.  Remember how he said things happened if the herbs were given too often?"  McGonagall nodded.  "This is what happens.  I had a house elf find his checking stone and used it to talk to his trainer one night about that.  He was quite blunt on the subject."  She went to get it and came down with the small stone.  "He needs to go see his trainer."

"What about his lessons?"

"We cannot weed this out of him here," she said firmly.  "Nor would I trust a hospital to know what to do."  McGonagall slumped.  "You'll send him or I will."

"Why can't he take it if it's weeding out his problem?" Hermione asked.

"Because if you take it too often, it negates your sense of where you are on top of the lethargy and near-death it can cause.  Did you give them to him?" she demanded.

"I think Ron gave him some the other day and I kinda gave him some when he surged earlier yesterday.  We thought we were helping!" she defended at the stereo glares sent her way.  She shrank back when they kept up.  "We were only trying to help Harry get back to normal."

"He'll never be fully normal again," McGonagall told her.  "Get over it!"

"The headmaster said it would be all right when I asked him."

"He'll be getting yelled at too," Pomfrey assured her.  "You now have detention with Filch for a month for intentionally harming your best friend."  She never gave detention to any student but she was going to make sure the girl served this one.  McGonagall nodded she agreed.  They got Harry arranged and McGonagall activated the calling stone.  She winced when nothing happened.  "Uncharged?"

"The school's shields," Hermione said.  "We can take him out to the pitch or on the road to Hogsmeade and do it easier probably."  She floated him up.  They looked at her.  "It was my mistake, I'm going to help fix it."  She floated him out while a house elf got his trunk and bag together.  The pitch was still blocked but the shields ended not that far away.  They got outside them and found Dumbledore walking their way.  "He's hurt from those herbs you said I should give him."  McGonagall set off the calling stone, making Harry and his things disappear.  Hermione put up her wand.  "I'll start my detention tonight?" she asked calmly.  McGonagall nodded so she walked off.  She knew she had done wrong and would be telling Ron why later on.

McGonagall turned on the headmaster.  "I'd move before I hit you, Albus.  You told that girl to overdose Harry on those herbs.  He's not supposed to have them more than once every few months at the most!" she said shrilly.  "He could die from this!  How dare you!"

Madam Pomfrey walked her off.  "He's safe now.  Xander will take care of him."

"Hmm.  Yes, he seemed like the mothering sort when I met him."  She calmed herself on her walk.  "Check Mr. Malfoy for the same problem?"

"I can do that."  She ran up to get the test kit and call him from class.  "Mr. Malfoy, there was evidence of someone overdosing Mr. Potter on those herbs."

"I haven't taken anything," he told her.

"It can be dusted on your clothes, boy.  Let's do the level testing kit and we'll see if you have been or not."  He nodded, letting her do that for him.  It came out raised and he winced.  "Can you not tell you're raised?"

"No.  Damn it!"  He kicked the desk.  "Was I given them?"

She tested then nodded.  "Indeed.  Let me call up Professor Snape so he can find them.  That way we can get whatever cleaned up for you."  She moved to her floo.  "Professor Snape, I need you in the infirmary immediately."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because some *herbs* were dusted on two students.  One's still here.  In a surge he can't feel."

"I'll have his room checked first," he agreed.  "Then be up there.  Have him handle it."  He hung up and went to do that, including a strict instruction to not do more than clean Draco's clothes.  The headmaster had them dusted with the herbs while they washed.  Clearly the man needed beaten.

***

Danny looked out the kitchen window while doing the dishes.  "Hey, Xander, do you usually have young guys appear on the lawn these days?"

"It must be Harry."  He went to check, frowning and sneezing.  "He's been herb dusted," he called.  Speed came out to help him.  It had been a family dinner.  "Danny, check his bag?  Find out where it's coming from?"  They got him into Xander's shower to clean him off.  Then into a guest bed to rest while Alexx set up an IV.  The kid was in bad looking shape.  His eyes looked sunken, he didn't wake up through all of that.  His skin looked pasty and yellow-ish.  "Should we send him to the ER?"

"They're overloaded right now with that flu going on," Alexx said quietly.

Xander nodded.  "I'll stay up with him.  Thanks, Alexx."  He watched Harry sleep.

Danny came in.  "There was herb residue all over his clothes.  It looks like someone washed them with some in the water."  Xander glared.  "Not me."

"I'm so going to stomp someone at his school."

"He's in school?"

"His last year.  I talked to his school nurse a few weeks back.  She wanted more detailed information on how to handle some things.  Us and Adam had ice cream overnight that night."  He scowled at the boy on the bed.  "How long do we think he's had it?"

"Probably a few days."  Xander nodded.  "We'll handle it, Xander.  You know we will."

"I know.  Thanks, Danny."

"Welcome.  Tell us when you're ready for us to take a turn.  He sounded like he's a nice kid."

Xander grinned, giving him a hug.  "Don't warn Sam.  Sam wanted to go beat a few of his teachers after they talked to him about school stuff."

"I won't.  Only that he's here."  He patted him on the head and walked out, going to call Sam and tell him that.  "Hey, Dean, Danny.  Nah, not a real issue, slight one.  Harry just showed up on the back lawn.  No, he's resting.  No, not a battle.  Xander said I can't tell you because Sam will go beat someone at his school."  He smirked.  "Yup, herbed.  We're handling it but he's been pretty infected with it.  No clue.  Thanks, man."  He hung up and looked at Horatio and Speed, then at Don and Alexx.  "He should be okay."

"The kid's not immortal," Speed reminded him.

Danny nodded.  "Still, it should be fine.  As long as we can get him nutrients and stuff he should be fine."

"If we have to, I know how to drop a feeding tube," Alexx offered.

"If he's this bad in the morning we might take you up on that."  She nodded, going to check the poor boy over again.  He looked at Speed.  "I have no idea but Xander said Sam wanted to beat some of his teachers already."

"Not so sure I don't want to," he admitted.  "I read those books."

Horatio looked at him.  "Am I missing something?"

"Lightning bolt scar, dark, messy hair, named Harry Potter?" Speed asked with a small grin.

"He is?" Horatio demanded.  Danny and Speed both nodded.  "How did Xander find him?"

"A demon canceled a kitten poker debt by telling him the kid had broken out in another realm."  Danny smirked.  "Which is nice since we don't need a herd of cats."

"We have the ferrets, that's enough," Speed assured him, making his mate smile  "Okay, we'll be back in the morning.  Call us if you need us before then.  Do what you did with Xander when these guys got herbed."  That got a nod and they headed home for the night.  Speed could see what flying on a broom was like later on, when the kid was well.  Instead of going to the school to kick someone's ass for doing this to the kid and then asking.

Danny carried Xander up some water, letting him have a hug too.  "You were nearly that bad."

"He's not an immie."

"No, he's not," Danny agreed.  "But normal GHS survive this too, Xander."  He nodded at that reminder, getting comfortable on the bed beside the kid.  "He'll be fine.  If he's not waking in the morning Alexx said she'd drop a feeding tube."

"Then we can use the diet shakes," Xander agreed.

Danny nodded.  "Good.  Let me get Don to get him some?"  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Good boy." He left, heading to find Don had already went and was stacking some in the fridge.  "Thanks.  Xander's about to disappear to stomp someone over there."

"I'd go with him," Don promised.  "I read those books too."  He took a kiss.  "Xander, we're going to sleep, wake us up when it's our turn to watch him."

"I can do that."

"Do it anyway," Don ordered up the stairs.  He walked off before Xander could complain, going to nap for now.  The kid wasn't going to get fussing duties all to himself.  Alexx wouldn't let him.  Speed either.  Or Adam.  He called him.  "It's us.  Xander's last student appeared on the back lawn heavily herbed.  Alexx put in an IV, said she might do a feeding tube in the morning if he wasn't at least slightly better.  Yup, just a head's up," he told Ray, Adam's boyfriend.  "Thanks, Ray."  He hung up.  "They'll be on the watch for Xander to need help."  He climbed into bed and snuggled up next to Danny.  Danny didn't cuddle but would let him snuggle against his side until one of them went to relieve Xander watching over the kid.

***

Harry blinked, looking at the bleary person above him.  "Where am I?" he asked quietly.  "Did you take me?"

Ray Kowalski snorted but shook his head.  "Nope.  You're at Xander's, kid.  I'm Ray, one of his friends.  My boyfriend's the national head."  He handed him some water.  "Here, drink.  It's been nearly a week."

"What has?"

Xander walked in with some soup and a glass of ice.  "Since you got sent here unconscious due to the herbs someone washed your clothes in," Xander told him.  "Drink."  Harry did.  "Now, eat your soup."  Harry did that slower but he seemed to enjoy it.  Xander checked his forehead, smiling at the boy.  "Better.  Feeling a bit better?"

"Still tired."

"Yup.  I slept on and off for the next few days when I did it to myself."  He smoothed over his hair.  "When you're done eating, take a shower so we can change the bed.  You got a bit sweaty that first night, caught a small fever from the transport."  Harry nodded, gulping his soup.  "Good boy.  Go shower."  He pointed.  Harry trudged to do that.  Xander put the glass of ice on the bedside table's coaster and let Ray help him remake the bed.  "Thanks, Ray."

"Not an issue, Xander."  He smirked at him.  "He seems like a nice kid."

"He is."  He finished up and turned, finding himself in a demon realm.  "Huh.  Didn't want to be here.  I need to be at home to take care of someone who's sick."

"You can fuss over me," a female said.

"I hate women," he pointed out.  She pouted.  "I can kill you or you can send me back.  Take your pick, lady.  Women creep me out."

"We can cure that," she offered, moving closer, smirking at him.

Xander pulled his sword out of his hair and waved her on.  "You can try."  She squeaked and he found himself back in the house.  "Interesting."  He put his sword up and went back to what he had been doing, making Ray laugh.   "She wanted to make me het again."

"Pity," Ray agreed dryly.  Harry came out wearing the pajamas he had set in there.  The kid was tiny.  "Let's get you tucked back in, Harry."  He and Xander tucked him in then patted him on the head.

"Ice right there melting for cool water.  You take another nap.  We'll get you up in about two hours to have some more soup," Xander told him.

"Yes, Xander."  He grinned.  "How did I get here?"

"I don't know.  You and your trunk appearing on the back lawn."

"Huh.  The nurse must've."

"She's one hell of a lady.  She showed up to have ice cream with me and Ray's boyfriend to ask more technical questions.  I had to get Adam out of bed to answer some of them for her."  Harry grinned, pushing back his hair.  "We'll work on that while you're getting better."  He walked out to call around and let them know the boy had finally woken up.

Ray sat on the foot of the bed, watching him.  "Any idea who did this to you, Harry?"

"No.  I'm sure someone's panicking though."  He considered it.  "I know Hermione caught me surging and snuck a bit into some pudding one night.  I took a bite and spit it back out.  She thinks I ate it though."

"We found it all over your clothes.  It had been washed with it."

"Only the teachers could make a house elf do that.  Was it just me?  There's another in the school."

Xander came back.  "There is?"

"Yeah.  We heard rumors that his father took some of the herbs to make him a temporary one for political bullcrap to get his own way.  His son's a really low level.  A two or so.  He had a rutting problem earlier this semester."

"Hmm."  Xander considered it.  "Are they doing it to him you think?"

"It depends on which teacher was doing it.  Snape's the head of his house.  I doubt he'd do it to his own student, especially a favored one."

"Malfoy?" Xander asked.  Harry nodded slowly.  "Remember, you're a book to us, kid."

"Oh, yeah.  Eww."

Xander and Ray both grinned at that.  "At least they haven't gotten to your world yet."

"Good point.  How factual are they?"  Xander went to the library and came back with the small stack for him.  "Five years?"

"Yup, sure is," Xander agreed.  He tested his forehead again.  "You'll be fine.  It'll take a few weeks but you'll be fine."  Harry grinned.  "If you want, I can go check on Draco for you."

"Are you going to beat someone?" Harry asked blandly.

"Only if they deserve it."  He grinned a sweet, good boy grin.

"It was probably the headmaster.  He was trying to be nosy and trying to suggest you were bad for not working and stuff."

"The man seems a tad bit manipulative from the books," Ray agreed.

"Just a bit," Xander said dryly.  "I'll check on him later on tonight.  Now, rest.  The tv remote is beside the water getting damp."  Harry snuggled down, letting himself drift off.  He looked at Ray, who shrugged.  "I'll check on him."  He walked out back with the calling stone, using it to bring the school's nurse, making her give him a horrified look.  "I could show up but there'd be an asskicking," he said dryly.  "Harry's finally awake and starting to eat.  It'll be weeks, Madam Pomfrey."

"We figured as much.  That's why we sent his school trunk with him.  He's to follow along in his books so he doesn't get behind.  NEWTs are important."

"I understand."  He grinned.  "He was worried about the other one."

"He surged for nearly a week straight.  I had to lock him in the infectious disease room so no one could get to him.  Then nag him to eat."

"That's about usual," he agreed.  "He wanted to know who did it."

She pursed her lips.  "We don't feel that you should be needed to come beat him, Xander.  I know you're protective of your students."

Xander beamed.  "I so am and if the headmaster does it again I get to kick his ass."

"Agreed."  She patted him on the cheek.  "Bring him back by after the holidays if it takes that long."  Xander's whole face lit up.  "Can you get his eyes checked as well?  He's been squinting."

"Of course I am."

"Good boy.  Now send me back.  I have to try not to strangle Mr. Malfoy for being a drama queen and getting hurt on purpose to get out of Creatures."

Xander laughed, handing over the extra calling stone.  "That way you can get here to check on him if nosy people get insistent.  Because if he shows up, he's mine."

"Agreed, dear."  She let him set it off, sending her back to the school's boundaries.  She walked back inside, smiling at the worried looking headmaster.  "Mr. Harris called me over to tell me Mr. Potter had finally woken up and is able to start eating on his own again."  He shuddered.  "You should have learned not to mess with things you don't understand, finally."  She headed up to treat Malfoy's tiny bite on his arm.  Really, the boy was the most annoying thing some days.

***

Harry came down a few days later, looking around the house.  "This is really nice, Xander."

"I had to do some renovations a few years back," he admitted with a grin.  "The front used to be two rooms with a hallway between them."  Harry grimaced. "Yeah, not that useful."  He patted him on the back.  "C'mon, I'm doing breakfast for my men.  That way they can eat before I let them out of the handcuffs I put them in."  Harry grinned but followed along.  He could cook.  Xander made him sit down instead of helping him.  "Don't worry about that stuff yet.  Fussing helps me wear it out.  How do you like your eggs?"

"I don't care.  Whatever you're doing is fine, Xander.  Thank you."

Xander looked at him.  "I read all five of those."  Harry blushed, ducking his head.  "How do you like your eggs?"

"Scrambled?"

"Okay."  He grinned and went back to it, handing Harry a full plate a few minutes later.  He dished up the other stuff, carrying trays into the bedroom.  "Eat it all or don't make it to work at all today.  Frank agreed I needed to fuss over you two."  He left them alone to eat, going to look Harry over.  "We're under orders from  your school nurse to get your eyes checked.  We'll do that today and slowly work you back up to training and things."  He got his own breakfast and bounced off to check on his boys while they ate.  "Eat, Harry."

"Yes, Xander."  He dug in, blinking a few times at the whirlwind known as his fussy teacher.  Who yelped then moaned a few minutes later so apparently someone was curing his bounciness for him even if they were tied down and being made to eat.  A redhead walked in and took off his sunglasses.  "Xander's in the bedroom checking on his boys.  He said they're tied down."

"I'm sure they are, Harry."  He patted him on the shoulder as he walked past him, going into the bedroom.  "Xander, I did need Daniel to work today," he chided gently.

"He didn't eat dinner or lunch.  He's eating breakfast," he said firmly, not caring he was feeding Don breakfast because Don was teasing him.

Horatio scowled.  Xander scowled back.  "One hour."  He went to wait on them to make sure they got to work this time.

Danny gave Xander a kiss.  "Let us go so we can eat faster?"  Xander huffed but did that.   They ate, played with him for a few minutes, then went to shower, get dressed, and go to work with Horatio.  Danny grinned at Frank when they met him on the stairs to the station.  "You told him he could fuss today."

"Uh-huh.  Not a great excuse when the DA himself is waiting on you guys."

***

Xander walked Harry into the only place that had an open appointment today, though he'd want a better eye examination than Wal-Mart gave.  It was sad, he had to look up where this place was before they drove off.  "This is my protégé, Harry."

"Hi, Harry," the receptionist said.  "Fill this out."  He took the forms to do that.  "Are both of you being checked, sir?"

"No, I'm driving since Harry doesn't yet.  I'll be fixing that very soon."  Harry gave him an odd look from his chair.  Xander grinned.  "It's a good life skill.  I even taught Ray Junior."  He sat down next to him, looking at the form.  "Use your mom's name," he whispered in his ear, getting a nod.  That's what he had put it under for the appointment.  Xander pointed at something.  "NHI in your case."

"I remember but I don't remember their names."

"If it's been that long they probably don't have your files anyway," Xander pointed out.

"Good point."  He filled that part in.  "Are we going to have any troubles today?"

"If someone froze my bank account to get me to come after them I'll kill them and dance on their ashes," he said quietly.  "Plus I have cash."  He checked his wallet.  "I did have cash."  He called Steve.  "Didn't I have cash on me?"  It returned with a small gold wrapped chocolate coin.  "They're doing it again, Steve.  Thank you."  He hung up so he could find his emergency card.  "If we do, I'm kicking butt," Xander assured him.  "Wait here."  He got up and walked outside, letting the demon he could feel nearby take him.  After kicking his butt, getting his people to fix what they had done to his account, and did a bit of shopping from his things for reparation, he walked back into the eye exam place, finding Harry still waiting.  "Not gone in yet?"

"It's only been a few minutes."  He looked at him then at his pockets.  "Fixed?" he asked, sounding hopeful.

"Yup."  He sat down, handing him a piece of chocolate.  "They're very sorry they were going to stop me from going shopping."

Harry grinned.  "You're an original, Xander.  Really."

"I could be twins but Horatio shuddered at that thought."

Harry burst out giggling.  "I can see why.  No area would be safe."

"Well, no," he agreed.  His phone beeped with a text message, making him sigh when he read it.  He called Steve back.  "Just fry whoever did it, Steve.  Wal-Mart.  Getting Harry's eyes checked.  You haven't met Harry yet?  Sure, come on over, Steve."  He hung up.  "Steve'll fix it for us," he said with a grin.  He checked, he still had cash, just less.  He looked up and mumbled something.  It returned.  "It's going to be a long day," he sighed.  Steve stomped in just before Harry got called back.  Xander let him hold the wallet.  It got him taken but he came back a few minutes later sweaty with it fixed again.  "Same one as last time?"

"Possibly.  They were wailing that you wouldn't be theirs."  He handed back the wallet.  "All that they tried to take was solved too.  I had a nice, long talk with the DPP up there."

"Cool.  Gotta love that time dilation effect some of them have."  Steve nodded.  Harry came out a half-hour later, letting Xander pay for his exam.  His card didn't work.  Steve grimaced and pulled out one.  "Sorry, someone was screwing with my account again.  Gotta go beat them," he said with a smile for the receptionist.  She looked nervous.  "Not you, dear.  The one who thinks I'm going to be his is trying to be mean and nasty.  My boyfriend's a homicide detective."  He smiled sweetly.  Then they walked out.  "Okay, we're taking you to a good place to get new glasses.  Right?"

"Right," Steve agreed.  "So, Harry?"  Harry looked at him.  "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"This is the student I had to rush off to teach," Xander told him.  "Someone canceled a kitten poker debt to tell me about him."

"Ah.  No wonder I haven't seen any more stray cats at the farm recently."  Xander grinned.  "Quit playing for cats too, Xander.  You have enough pets."

"I know.  I haven't played kitten poker in a while, Steve.  Now, regular but without thug poker I've played."  Steve groaned.  "No thugs though."

"Horatio's going to beat you again."

"It sounds like it was helpful," Harry offered.

Steve grinned.  "It was until they decided he was turning in information on them and got into a small war with a drug dealer who owed him a lot of poker winnings."  Harry shuddered.  "Basically, yes.   So we don't want Xander to play poker with the thugs in Miami any more.  While you're here, you can distract him all you want, Harry."

Xander smirked at him.  "I've got to teach him how to drive and ride too."

"I'm sure you will since you even got Dean onto a horse."

"Girls love guys who can ride."

Harry squeaked and blushed.  "Sorry, bad thought," he said at the amused looks he got.

"They happen to all of us, kid.  Especially around Xander," Steve assured him.  He got into the car to follow them to the eyecare place, calling Don on the way to warn him about the cards in case they failed for him too.  Then he called the bank to warn them.  She got it locked again for him and it was better.  Much better.

***

Xander walked Harry in that afternoon.  "See, light shopping but stuff you needed."  He patted him on the head.  "Go take a nap.  You're tired."  Harry yawned, taking his two bags upstairs to take a long nap.  Xander went to where he could hear a movie going, finding Dean in there watching porn.  "Dean!"

"What?  Not like I'm whacking off to it or anything," he defended, smirking at Xander.  "I was in the demonic neighborhood and they dropped me here after I kicked their butts again."

"That's cool."  He gave him a hug.  "Sam?"

"Crashed on the couch in the living room watching the food channel.  No leftovers?"

"No one's been home for me to cook for and Harry didn't really eat a whole lot the last few days."  He let him go.  "C'mon.  We'll go plan what we're doing next.  I got Harry new glasses."

"Good.  He probably needed them."  He turned off the movie with the remote and followed his teacher and buddy out to the kitchen.  Sam peeked in a few minutes later.  "Yes, he's cooking for your tired butt, Sammy."

"I'm not that tired."  He sat down, staring at Xander as he fixed real food.  He moaned and whimpered at some of it even.  Xander gave him a snack with a smile and a kiss on the head.  "Thank you.  I missed your culinary fingers."

"I missed having you two follow me around too," he promised with a grin.  "No one's nagged me about my safety in weeks."

"They working overtime again?" Dean asked.

"Yup, sure are.  It's spring break.  Everyone's got overtime.  Though I think I might take Harry down to the beach later.  Let him scope bikinis for a bit."

"That might be nice," Dean agreed with a grin of his own.  Xander handed him a plate.  "Food," he moaned, taking a sniff.  "Love your cooking, Xander."  He dug in, stopping to pull something out.  "I think they're back."

"They've been annoying me all day," Xander admitted.  "Come on.  I can prove I'm not going to be yours."  They took him and Sam.  Pity.  Before the spell to bring Dean and the Impala could go off, they were back and the demons were now all gone.  Every last one of that clan were gone.  Well, there had been a family pet and it was fine, the DPP officer had adopted it for the former clan.  Mysteriously the food quit changing and no more presents got left.  Plus Xander's cards all started to work right again.  They smirked at each other but went back to eating.  Xander proved once again he was the badass of the demon universes whenever they screwed with him.  "Are you guys coming to the convention in six weeks?"

"If possible," Sam agreed with a grin.  "Vegas is going to be so overloaded again."

"The last Vegas convention was kinda fun," Xander offered with a grin.  "I had just gotten back from learning the dances.  Hubert was tiny.  He kept sneaking out to steal steaks from the kitchen.  I caused an orgy."  He beamed when they snickered at that.  "The first time I did the dances in public.  I wonder if we'll have more agents being paranoid this time."

"Probably," Dean agreed.  He finished up.  "Oh, that was great, Xander."

"Welcome, Dean.  It's nice someone appreciates my cooking."

"If we were certain no other demons would change the food, we could bring some to the station," Sam offered.

"The new chief hates that I do that.  The old one retired after getting injured.  The new one thinks I'm frivolous and going to taint his poor officers so they're less than manly.  He hates all gay officers.  I don't think he'll be around for very long."

"Why not?" Den asked.

"I heard that there's a high price on his head.  Higher than the new one on Horatio's.  I told Horatio about his.  He was not amused but he did get to bust in to be impressive and taunt them while arresting them."

"Are you playing poker with the underground again?" Sam asked.

"No.  Non-thug playing poker only."

"Uh-huh."  Dean stared at him.  Xander gave him a cute, innocent look.  "If I hadn't heard stories about your time in the brothel I might believe that look."

"I'm trying really hard to stay a good boy."

"We know," they said together.

"You do try really hard," Sam agreed with a grin.

"Does Horatio know about this other price?"

"Not real sure," Xander admitted.  "But I can't tell him without busting my poker buddies."

"Yeah, that'll work," Dean agreed.  He grabbed the phone to dial Frank Tripp's cellphone.  They had it on speed dial in case something happened.  "Hey, Tripp, guess who's back in town," he said dryly.  "I am looking at Xander.  No, but he just mentioned that the new Chief of Police has a price on his head.  Apparently it was higher than Horatio's last one?"  He smirked.  "I thought he might not know that, no.   No idea.  Xander was just fixing us lunch while defeating the hordes of evil who want his hair again.  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  "He'll let it be known in the right ears."

"They'll still blame me."  He looked around.  "Wanna go to the farm?"

"Later," Sam ordered.  "Are we still winning at poker?"

"It's no fun if I don't win."  He scowled.  "Why would I keep playing if I was losing?"

"Good point."  He gave him a hug across the breakfast bar.  "It'll be okay.  You can wear out some of the fussing on us too, Xander."  Xander beamed.  "Just don't buy us new clothes.  We can't fit any more in the trunk."

"You probably need some replaced."

"Not yet we don't," Dean told him dryly.  He heard a car stop outside, looking out there.  "That's a hummer."

"Ooops."  Xander disappeared.  Literally.

Sam stared at that spot then at Dean.  "I think that's his version of hiding in a deep shadow."

"Possibly."  Danny stomped in.  "He just disappeared."

"Which demon has my mischievous boy this time?" he demanded, but he sounded fond.

"No clue," Dean admitted.  "I'm guessing they took care of the one that had been dogging Xander all day."  Sam nodded.

"How did he learn about this new contract price?"

"He said there's no thugs.  It was thug-free," Sam said with a grin.

Danny growled.  "I've got to spank him," he muttered as he walked out.  He went to the place he knew someone would know.  "Hey, Fu," he said as he walked in, getting a horrified look.  "Horatio sent me.  My boy back to playing poker here?"

"Only with legit people, Detective."

"No, he's not allowed.  At all.  He knows that.  But can you kindly point me at someone who can tell me about the new price on the chief's head?"

He considered it.  "I might know someone who might have heard about it, but I don't know who set it."

"Don't matter.  We just need details."

"It might be too late," a voice called from the back.  "We heard it was going to happen today."  Danny's cousin who worked there came out of the kitchen with a soda.  "Something about a court hearing?"  Danny went pale.  He shrugged.  "No clue.  But yes, we did remind Xander that he'd be drug out by his hair.  Twice.  He's bored.  You need to do your boy more often, Messer.  Before someone steals him for good."  He walked off to take the soda into the back room.  "Messer's here."  They all groaned.  Xander looked up from his hiding spot.  "Asking about the new contract out on the chief."

One got up.  "Let me tell him so he'll go away and quit tainting the air as a cop."  He went out there to talk to the detective, giving him what he knew for certain.  It was probably already too late anyway.  Danny called that in to his boss, who sent more people to try to stop it, but it was probably much too late.  Danny stomped off.  The guy smirked, waving at his back.  "Harris, don't bring him in again."

"I didn't.  I was at home.  I disappeared when he showed up."  He grinned.  "I'm trying to be a good boy but I'm *bored*."

The others in the room shuddered.  That was a bad sign of impending doom for Miami.  They might even be invaded if he was too bored.  Like they had with those life-like robots that had wanted him.

Horatio walked in and to the back without saying a word, taking Xander out by the scruff of his neck.  "Come tell us what else you've heard, Xander."  He forced him into the hummer then drove him off to chastize him and get his boys a few days off.  Though now that Sam and Dean were back, maybe they'd help some of that?  Hopefully?  Harry too since he was able to follow him around?

Don walked Xander into the house that night, letting him free of the handcuffs.  "No more poker," he ordered.  He looked at Harry.  "Don't let him teach you how to play poker.  Please?  He drives us nuts."  He walked back to their bedroom to change.  It had been a long day with the chief of police getting shot.  He came out in more casual clothes, finding Xander sulking with pudding that Sam had gotten him.  "Thanks, guys."  He stared at his mate.  "Why didn't you tell us about this contract too?"

"I thought I had told Horatio when I told him about his."

"If you think you did, I can't be mad."  He took a kiss.  "Where's the kid?"

"In front of the tv, staring in oddness at the animal channel," Dean told him.

"What did you want to do for dinner?" Sam asked.  "I can help cook and Harry wanted to help too."

"Chinese," Xander said bluntly.  "Fu owes me about three hundred on credit at the moment."

Don rolled his eyes but called for him.  "Fu, it's Don Flack for Xander.  He said he's got a credit with you and he's too pouty to cook tonight.  Us three, Dean, Sam, and his new student Harry.  Yeah, that kid's his new student."  He looked at Dean.  "No, Dean looks starved.  Use up the rest of the credit for him.  Put a few spicy things in too if you can.  I'm in the mood ta belch.  Thanks, Fu."  He hung up and hugged his mate.  "There, all settled."  He walked off to get to know Harry better.  "Hey, kid."

"Oh, Don."  He sat up.

Don waved him back down.  "We all lounge around.  That's why Xander bought such a big couch set.  It's perfect for cuddling or slouching while you watch tv."  He looked at the channel, grimacing.  "Animal Cops.  Eww.  Poor animals."

"They were showing some down here."

"I've worked them with them once.  Someone dead's animals were nibbling because they were starved."  Harry shuddered.  "It happens.  He had an alligator for a pet too.  It ate one of his dogs."  He settled in.  "Nothing else on?"

"Not that I recognized.  I had no idea how to do more than change the channels but the few I tried I didn't recognize anything."

"Hmm."  Don took the remote, showing him the button.  "That gets you into the programming menu, tells you what's on."  He did that and let Harry see, watching as he suddenly smiled.  "We can watch that."  He turned it to that channel, watching the boy relax.  "It's all good, kiddo.  We've all been here.  Xander got me with the herbs too.  Not as badly as he got, but I got some.  Horatio got some too."  Harry looked at him.  "We understand."  He stared at him.  "New glasses okay?"

"I'm having a bit of an adjustment headache but they happen."  He shrugged.

"We have tylenol, Harry.  No one's gotta suffer around here."

"I wasn't going to browse through the medicine cabinet."

"Uh-huh.  Hey, Dean, can you get Harry some tylenol for his headache?  His new glasses are giving him one."

"Sure."  He brought out a can of soda and a few pills.  "There you go, kiddo."  He sat down then checked.  "Forgot he put a table there."  He shifted over to the couch and sat down again.  "So, how's Miami been?"

"Not bad," Don admitted.  "Bit busy with spring break."

"We're taking Harry down to watch the festivities tomorrow," Sam said as he joined them.  He handed Dean a soda then sat himself down with his own.  "It'll be relaxing watching the college kids play."

"With a good lesson in why you don't let yourself get that drunk," Dean added.

Don smirked at him.  "You're a good big brother, Dean."

"The best," he quipped back with an evil smirk.  "If we had been down here when Sammy got that lecture we could've proven it to him instead of just giving him some and letting him have God's own hangover the next morning."

"Didn't he create kangaroos and platypuses during that?" Xander asked, leaning into the room.  "Fu said you're mean to make his people cook that much food."

"Uh-huh.  Your poker winnings show up already?" he taunted with a smirk.

"Nope."  He beamed.  "Wyatt's been helping me take it to the bank or hide it at Steve's."   He disappeared into the kitchen again.

"His poker playing is a pain in my ass," Don complained.  "Don't learn that bad habit off him, Harry.  It'll annoy your future lovers when you get bored and decide to play poker with thugs."

"Didn't like that he reduced the money in the drug dealer pipeline by about a third?" Sam teased.

"Well, yeah, until the General decided to prove he had a set and came after him."  He shifted to put his feet up.  "Then we find out he knows and likes the gang that had a contract out on the lab.  That he knew more about the underground in Miami than some of the officers over that area do.  Plus that they think he's scary."

"He is scary when he wants to be," Sam pointed out.

"Usually when his hair's been tampered with," Don shot back.

"Just for that, you're sleeping on your own tonight," Xander called.  "Have fun on the couch, Don."

"Like that'll happen," he called back.  Danny stomped in.  "Hey.  Late again?"

"No, we're done for the night."  He stared at Xander.  "No more poker.  Thugs or not.  No more poker, no more baccarat.  No more cards.  At all unless it's to save our asses."

"Well, I did play a game recently with two guys who wanted to take the contract out on the lab, but they're now too poor to do that and I told Ryan," he said when Danny opened his mouth.  Danny snapped his mouth shut and went to call Ryan.  Xander grinned, bouncing outside.  He needed to go play.  Maybe he should go visiting.

"Don't you dare!" Dean yelled.  "You don't have any weapons on you!"

"Shoot."  He pouted until the car pulled in.  "Hi, Wyatt."

"It took them six months?"

"Yeah.  Spring break overtime," he said with a smirk.  He helped him carry bags inside, then tipped him from his wallet.  Wyatt looked at it then at him.  He looked at it in the light.  "Huh.  The demon who did it last time put back funny money."  It faded and all new bills appeared.  "They're very sorry."  He handed it over.

"Not an issue.  How many of them want you now?"

"I'm guessing someone didn't get the point earlier when I destroyed a whole clan."  He smiled sweetly at him, making him shudder.  "I should go fix that."

Ares, God of War, appeared, shaking his head.  "It's fixed, Xander.  I promise.  The new higher one who wants you beat all the others who wanted you earlier."  He patted him on the head.  "No more poker."

Xander pouted.  "But I'm *bored*!"

"I don't care.  No more poker for a while."

"How long is a while?" he asked.

Ares shrugged. "The next time they get sucked into overtime?"  He disappeared.

Xander beamed at Wyatt.  "That'll probably be this summer when the heat makes people cranky and kill.  So see you about June?"

"I'll let Fu know," he said dryly.  He walked back to his car shaking his head.  Xander was very original at times.  A bit too much to take without drinking but very original.  He drove back to the shop, getting out and finding his boss waiting on him.  "His god showed up and said he can't come back to play until they're sucked into overtime again.  He said he'll see us in June."

Fu smirked.  "He does owe that small debt."

"I'm pretty sure he paid it off earlier, boss.  Steve was out with him.  Oh, and the demon network was trying to steal his wallet again.  Put back funny money for a bit until it got fixed."  He smirked.  "You might check with them but I'm fairly certain he put money down in front of them when he sat down today."

"Hmm."  He went to check that.  It wasn't in the debt books so it had to be updated.

Wyatt went to get a drink.  He needed a drink.  He *really* needed a drink.  Especially since Xander's other patron saint was being bored in the back room too.  He brought him a soda and went back to his actual job, assistant debt book keeper.

***

Xander walked all the bags into the living room.  "Here we go."

Don stared then at him.  "That's a lot of food."

"You said to cancel out my credit."  He shrugged, digging in to find what he wanted.  "Harry, want spicier or noodles?"

"I'll try a bit of everything.  I've never had chinese food before."  He got a plate and got a bit out of the open cartons before the others stole them.  Dean and Sam ended up nearly wrestling over something but Xander pulled out another carton.  Danny took his to the office to call around about that contract on the lab.  Don settled back with his beef and broccoli.  Xander did what Harry did, even daring to steal food from Dean's carton before he inhaled it all.  Then they settled in to watch some tv and relax for the night.

Danny came out to get more food.  "Ryan said the contract on the lab got canceled when the Mala Noches went down."

"Then why does one of the European syndicate people want you guys out of a job?" he asked, taking a bite.

Danny groaned, going to tell them that.

"We had foreign not-thugs at the poker games?" Sam teased.

"A few who're now retired down here."  He smirked.  "One was an Interpol inspector who retired.  Fu thinks he's even odder than I am."

Don shook his head.  "Maybe we'll talk to him then."  Xander shrugged.  "Any idea where he is?"

"Forrest street."

"Hmm."  He got up and went to tell Danny that.  They ended up calling Wyatt to find out where on Forrest street but that was normal with the poker buddy system.  Wyatt didn't really like the guy with the way he called him a 'poser foreign cop' but oh well.

Xander grinned at Dean.  "They tried it again.  Ares said the new higher up who wants me beat all the lower ones into submission."

"Interesting.  When can we go beat this higher one?" he asked.

"No clue.  I haven't seen firm evidence on who it is yet."  He shrugged and ate some more.  "Harry, there's more of the spicy stuff in the second bag from the left."  Harry got down to dig some out for himself.  Sam took the rest.  He was eating out of the carton.  Danny and Don left to talk to the new poker buddy.  Xander just grinned.  Dean smirked back.  "I'm still bored."

"We can go house stuff shopping tomorrow," Sam offered.

"Harry can't do a full day of shopping like you guys did.  They herbed him pretty badly."

Sam raised an eyebrow.  "Oh, really?"

"Someone had the house elves wash his clothes in them."

Sam growled.  "Maybe we should have a talk with them?"

"I told the nurse that he was fine when he finally woke up," Xander promised.  "She said to bring him back by the holidays at the latest.  So we can do that convention to get him back to his own world since it's taking place there."

"That'd be cool," Dean decided.  "Seeing the other sexual demons at play?"  Sam glared at him.  "I'm not going to pick one up! Geez!  I have some taste, Sammy."

"Uh-huh.  The first time the sirens start to suck on you I get to kill them all, right?"

"If you want," he said dryly.

"Guys, convention rules apply," Xander said patiently.  "We'd have be peaceful there."

"Fine."

"Whatever."

Harry grinned.  "It can't be that bad."

"This means he gets to come to Vegas with us," Sam pointed out.

"Ooooh, he does," Xander said, getting that wickedly evil look again.

"Uh-oh," Dean muttered.

Sam winced.  "We'll help you plan, Xander."

"I can plan very well," he pouted.

"Harry's never been to Las Vegas before and it's his first convention.  Go easy on him," Dean ordered.

"Of course!"  He grinned at Harry.  "Conventions are tons of fun, Harry.  So's the city we're going to."  Harry nodded slowly.  "Don't worry, you'll like it."  He called Ray.  "I need to add Harry as coming with us.  Oh, and the boys showed up."  He hung up.  "They're having dinner."

The phone rang and Sam got it this time.  "Xander's house."  He smiled.  "Hi, Adam.  Yes we are.  No, Dean got stolen and they gave him back to Xander.  Harry is coming with us.  We can do that.  Level eight all the times we tested him during the time we took in that subrealm to train him."  He smirked.  "Yup.  No, Ares said he can't play poker again until they go back into more overtime."

"June," Xander said with a nod.

"He said June.  Dinner.  Xander had a credit at Fu's so Don ordered.  Harry's never had chinese.  He's sampling.  Cool with us.  We'll be here.  Probably."  He hung up.  "They'll be over after they do dishes and stuff."  He dug in again.  Xander too.

Dean grinned at Harry.  "That'll make it official here so you can go to the convention."

"Should I worry about stuff like my magic?"

"No one notices anything in Vegas, Harry.  If they did, they'd think you were a street performer and clap."

"Oh, okay then."

"The travel channel usually has stuff on Vegas," Sam pointed out.  Xander got into the programs guide, finding one and putting up a reminder for them.  Then it went back to the show they were watching.  Harry looked uneasy but it'd be fine.  They were sure Xander could make the poor kid relax.

The phone rang a few hours later and Xander giggled when he heard the voice coming out of the speaker.  "Xander," Tony DiNozzo's voice said on the other side.  "The furry ones who liked your hair are very sorry they took you that way.  They were amazed that we only have hair on our heads and not a lot of fur other places," he said dryly.  "They said if you were very insulted they'd pay a reparation for you."

"I'd like some of their conditioner.  It did really good in my hair but I wasn't insulted," Xander promised with a grin at the speaker phone.  "They were very nice, polite people who didn't want to try to keep me for sex.  It was kinda nice to have my hair brushed all the time."

"I'll let them know that.  How did you get up to that mall?"

"Demon bazaar," Dean said.

"Oh, hey, guys.  Which one?"

"The one on Pervada."

"I'll make note of that.  Did you have any credits left from shopping?"

"Ten or twelve.  They didn't like our gemstones."

"They can be picky," Tony agreed dryly.  "Send those to me?"

"I can't go back?" he pouted.  "Harry could use more clothes and they did have that nice hair people.  They worshiped having good hair.  Their main goddess is a goddess of good hair."

Tony coughed.  "Xander, they weren't demons."

"I remember that road trip the same as you do, Tony.  I figured that out," he said dryly.  "They still had neat stuff."

"We'll see.  Warn me first if you can.  Please?"

"Sure.  Did you guys need anything?  We're going to see you at the convention, right?"

"Probably.  Oh, the list of Feds coming is smaller this time since Vegas is hyped to protect us."

"Why?"

"They remember the orgy," he said dryly.  "There might be a few unofficial ones there."

"Tell Ian and Don if they show up we can play matchstick poker again.  Since Ares said I can't play poker down here until I'm bored from them doing more overtime again."

"Again?" he demanded.

"It's spring break," Sam reminded him.

Tony shuddered, they could hear it.  "I remember mine.  Kinda."  He sounded like he was smiling.  Then yelped.  "Talking to Xander, boss.  Like that Air Force guy said to."  He cleared his throat.  "Did you buy any presents?  They'd like to check them."

"Clothes for us.  Hair cut for Harry and trim for me.  Some shampoo stuff.  Some oil for my hair because they like the wet look.  Nothing that might piss anyone off or be too obvious."

"Uh-huh.  Can we check it out?"

"Sure, come down for the weekend.  Meet the new student Harry."  He grinned at him then at the phone again.  "Harry's a nice guy but he's your level."

"That's cool.  I can do that this weekend.  Boss, gotta go check what Xander bought this time.  Yes, I'm taking Greg."  He sighed.  "Gibbs is being paranoid."

"Is that because there's a buy order on you guys again?" Xander asked.

"How did you hear about that?" he asked, sounding very patient.

"He was playing non-thug poker," Sam said.  "Found one on the chief down here that got shot today, one on Horatio.  One on the lab."  He finished his current carton off food.  Dean got a third one.  Harry gave him an awed look.  "He's always been a bottomless pit."

"Wow.  I've never eaten that much."

"You need to eat more.  You're still too skinny and Alexx will fuss you into a coma again," Xander warned.  Tony cackled.  "She will."

"She might, yeah.  Greg said she fussed over his weight too, kid."

"I'm eighteen."

"Good," Tony agreed.  "That means you're only a few years younger than Xander."  He was happier.  "We'll see you this weekend.  Don't worry about picking us up since we'll be flying standby.   We'll call when we land to make sure you're home.  Behave, Xander."  He hung up.

"Tony's a Fed," Dean told Harry.  "His boyfriend used to be the group's chemist and Xander's trouble buddy for a bit.  Now they're both NCIS.  Tony teaches self-defense to the group at large during conventions."

"You two could help with that if you wanted," Xander reminded him.

"We might," Dean agreed.  Sam grinned and nodded.  "If you wear him out shopping this time."

Xander stuck his tongue out.  "I'm not that bad."

Sam snorted.  "Please!  You wore us out plenty of times, Xander."

"It built your stamina," he said with a smirk.  "Just like it will Harry's."

"If you say so," Dean told him.  "If he drags you out for too long and you get tired, suggest you have a nibble somewhere.  It'll give you time to rest for a few minutes."

Harry looked at Xander.  "Do you usually shop that way?"

"Now and then.  When I'm bored."  He grinned.

"We'll see what we can do to help you with that," Sam promised.  "Farm tomorrow then back here to clean up then the beach?"

Xander beamed and nodded.  "That sounds like a good day."  He looked at Harry.  "You can ride one of the two terrors.  They're being snotty again this week."

"Both Princesses have that mood too," Dean reminded him.

"Well, yeah, but Pride's a nice horse."

"Pride's a huge horse," Sam pointed out.

"You ride your horses?" Harry asked.  "I know you said you had some but I don't know anyone who rides."

"We have a farm," Xander said proudly.  "Princess is technically Ryan's horse and her clone that a demon gave him.  She was pregnant when it happened so we got Duchess and Countess.  They're being a bit spoiled this week."

"Then there's his horse Pride and Ray Junior's horse Furry."

"Furry went to school with him.  He's at a stable up where he's doing college."  Xander nearly pouted.  Harry patted him on the arm, making Xander hug him.  "It'll be okay.  He'll be back soon."  He went back to eating.  The reminder popped up so they let Harry watch the show on Las Vegas.  Harry was staring at it in awe.  "We're going there.  We'll be there for nearly a full week.  Don and Danny will only be there for a long weekend but we'll be there for a week," Xander said happily.  "You can meet Jace."

"Xander, I was wondering," Sam said.  "Is Jace the same Jace on the show?"

"Nope."  He smirked.  "Longer story there.  Let's just say it came down to Hera cursing a town and Joxer not being able to read."

Dean shuddered, clutching his boy parts.  "She did?"

"They did.  It was the curse on the town.  Ares, Cupid, and Strife helped him after that.  Now she's a really good immie and an anchor the same way I am."

"Wow," Sam said.  "What did she think about your 'I'm queen of the amazons' thing?"

"She thought it was cute.  That I'd do a very good job.  She also said now and then I was more queenly than her brother ever was."

Dean nodded. "Now and then you do go into princess mode, Xander.  Sorry but truth, dude."

"I know.  I usually have a reason too."

"Yup," the boys agreed.  Harry was still staring.  Sam put his plate down for him before he dropped it.

"Wait until he sees showgirls up close," Dean teased.

Xander nodded.  "We can do that."  Ray and Adam stomped in from the kitchen.  "Want some chinese?"

"No thanks.  We had beef."  Ray pulled Harry to the office to talk to him, testing him in there.  "He's fully unherbed," he called.

Adam stared at Xander.  "He's how old?"

"Eighteen," Dean said.

"Hmm."  He went to talk to the young one.  It was clear Xander had adopted him as a new student. He should probably learn the rest of the group weren't that insane.

Xander put up the food, all but the one Dean snatched to nibble his way through.  Then he came back to curl up next to Sam and watch the special while they planned their assault on Las Vegas in six weeks.

***

Harry looked up a few weeks later, watching Xander putter in the kitchen.  "Xander?"  Xander hummed since his head was in the fridge.  "When do you start to train me in other things?"

Xander turned to look at him.  "I have been, Harry."

"I don't think how to find sales at fashionable boutiques is going to help me in the war," he admitted.

Xander smirked.  "I've taught you more than that, even if it was more subtle.  Even Sam hasn't figured out all that I taught him when I was training him."

Harry considered it.  Dean strolled in.  "What else did you learn from Xander taking you shopping?"

"Stamina.  A bit about types of people we hadn't run into on jobs."  He sat down beside him.  "Valuation of some things we'd never have run into on the road.  We figured out a lot of protective ways of doing things without seeming to be overprotecting him from getting taken or robbed.  How to ride a horse."

"That leads back to learning nature magic," Sam added as he came in.  Harry gaped.  "You have to understand nature to call on nature in a spell, Harry.  Now we all know more about it.  Before we understood roads, towns and cities, the road system.  This way we got a different feel for the woods, and some swamp land, more animals that aren't dangerous and that we didn't have to hunt down to kill."  He took the seat on the boy's other side.  "We also learned a lot about how to manage things without seeming to manage them.  It's more of a political thing sometimes.  Subtly getting your way without making Xander pout at you for it."  Xander smirked at that.  "You did."

"I did.  I learned that beating off people who wanted me."  He looked at Harry.  "Not to mention learning how to ride is a useful skill in case you need it to get away someday.  It'll also help your balance.  You move differently now.  The dance did part of that.  Riding's helping you refind your balance.  If you were on your broom you'd realize that easier."

"I can't fly here.  We're not allowed to do that stuff around muggles."

"Harry, to us you're a book," Xander reminded him.  Harry moaned.  "Go fly around the trees in the orchard or in the back yard.  We don't have neighbors on either side or behind us thanks to two being stupid and one being a drug dealer."

"Someone's moving in out back," Dean corrected.  "We saw people moving new furniture in yesterday from the practice room."

"Okay, so watch out for them," Xander agreed.  "Not like you can't practice.  There's a whole library and trunks full of books on magical stuff."  Harry's mouth fell open.  "Demon hunters need to use it sometimes too.  Plus Giles sent ones he didn't want to Sam."

Sam nodded.  "Don would like it if half of them disappeared.  Aren't they in the other house?"

"Probably, yeah.  I've also taught you how to appear calmer than you are.  The outward appearance and shield you build can help when you're faced with something that disgusts you but you have to pretend to deal with it before you can kill it," he said blandly.  "Dean had a pretty good one on some levels before.  As long as he was going for sweet, bad boy, or clueless.  Sam's got better.  Dean's too.  Yours will get there.  Plus you need to get back into practice to make sure that new stamina stays."

"I should.  Can I use upstairs?"

"We do.  Or the backyard," Dean told him.  Harry beamed at that.  "Let Sammich there get you into the dead things and magic books."  Harry nodded, heading off with Sam.  "We really did get a lot more stamina following you around on a major shopping day."

"He's still too tired for that."  He smirked at him.  "But you can introduce him to the game system later.  He's a young guy, he should be acting like one instead of an old man."

"He should."  He went to help.  Harry was moaning over the book list.  "Later on, we'll make sure you have some fun, Harry.  That way you remember that you're eighteen."

"Plus we can help with some schoolwork too," Sam agreed.  "I'm missing writing papers."

Harry looked at him.  "Not even Hermione's that bad," he teased with a small grin.

"Yes she was," Dean assured him.  He patted him on the back of the head.  "Are you writing to them about all this stuff?"

"I have no idea how I'd get mail to them."

"So write a journal.  It'll help you keep things straight in your own head."  Harry nodded, accepting that idea.  "Plus give you a private place to work out ideas in."

"Are there later books?"

"Yeah but we didn't like them.  That's why we only gave to book five.  It was Xander's birthday present last year."  Sam winked at him.  "How true were they?"

"Fairly decent.  Maybe eighty percent."

"Then have Xander take you to a bookstore and find the other two," Dean told him.

"You think he'd mind?"

"No.  That and the video game store are right next to each other in his favorite mall.  He or Ryan could take you since Ryan's coming over tonight to spar."

"Huh."  He nodded. "I might do that then.  Thank you, guys."

"Not a problem," Sam assured him.  "We hate to see the bad guys win."

Harry grinned.  "I doubt he will be."  He looked at the list.  "Is there a way to long-distance spy on someone?"

"You mean like scrying?" Sam asked.

"We're told that's a myth."

"Yay," Dean said dryly.  He let Sam find that book for him.  Basics of wandless magic could only help the kid.  Sam and he set up in the hot tub out back.  It was a large pool of water since they didn't have the jets turned on.  It also had an easier spot to rest against.  Dean brought out something for them to drink because it was hot outside today.  "Here."  He handed over a bottle of juice.  "Try your friends first.  You know them better than anyone else."

Harry reread the instructions and focused on Ron and Hermione.  They'd probably be together in classes.  Well, since it was after dinner they were in the library.

"Hermione, do you think Harry's all right?"

"He's fine, Ron.  His trainer is taking good care of him I'm sure.  He's probably learning all sorts of things."

"But we haven't heard from him."

She looked up.  "Ron, his trainer's from another realm.  Madam Pomfrey said she'd talked to his trainer when Harry finally woke up.  He's fine and she told him to give us Harry back by the holidays."

Ron scowled.  "That's missing a lot of school."

"I'd send him assignments but we have no way of getting them to him."  She smiled.  "Though that was something I would have said.  I'm sure he's being made to study his textbooks as well, Ron.  He said Sam had nearly went to law school and Xander said education was important."

Ron crossed his arms over his chest.  "I still don't like this."

She closed her book with a sigh, one hand holding her spot.  "Ron, what did you want to happen?"

"I'd like to have him back here.  He can take care of himself.  Not like Malfoy has been."

"I think someone's been testing methods on Malfoy to wear out his hormones," she said quietly, glancing around.  "He hasn't been that healthy looking recently.  Have you noticed?"

"Why are you watching him that closely?" he demanded.

"Because he's a good living manual of what Harry's going to be going through for the rest of his life.  I've been looking up pheromones through some books my mother found me since we have absolutely nothing here on the subject.  Harry will be like this forever, Ron.  We've got to be understanding and helpful, not nag him like we were.  It may be strange, but this is the person Harry is.  If the Dursley's hadn't treated him so badly he would have had this happen around the same time you started to hit puberty.  He's running late because of the way they treated him," she said at his confused look.  "It delayed it."

"Oh.  Another reason to hate 'em."  He shrugged.  "Can you find a way to spy on Harry or anything?"

"I've been looking.  I can't really find a good way that'll work across realms."

Harry looked at Dean and Sam.  "Can we send them this spell?"

"Nope."  Sam grinned.  "Not unless you can find a way for mail to get to them."

Hermione looked around, looking very confused as she pushed her hair behind her ears.  "Did you hear something?"

"No.  You're going barmy from all the studying," he said with a smirk.

"Shut up, Ron."

Harry leaned down to whisper the name of the book to her.  She frowned.  He did it again.  He nearly fell in too.  She found her quill and ink, taking down something.  He said it again and she scratched that out, getting it right this time.  He canceled it and looked at them.  "So they can hear us."

"The book said they might be able to if you were concentrating that hard," Sam reminded him.  "Now try the bad guys."

"Let's try a minor bad guy."  Harry concentrated, pulling up a picture of Draco Malfoy.  He was locked in a room by himself, pacing.  "Damn."

Dean watched.  "He's in backlog and surging."

Xander came out to look over Dean's shoulder.  He concentrated and the pool opened to a silvery spot.  He dropped something through it then let it close.  The scrying had to be recast but he was smirking at Sam.  "That should help him some."

"What did you send him?" Harry asked.

"Some of the fruit I like that tends to ease some of that out of us.  I know it doesn't grow natively anywhere near there."  They watched as the boy looked it over.  "By the way, put your name on it, Harry."  He walked off again.

"Drama princess," Sam called after him.

"You know it, baby, and they like me this way," Xander quipped back.

Harry laughed.  "It's fine, Sam."  He leaned down, concentrating.  "My teacher sent that for you, Draco.  He thought you might need it since you look like you're surging."  The boy flinched, spinning around to catch him.  "I'm just scrying, Malfoy.  Calm down.  I'll be home after that convention during the holidays.  Xander said so.  He said the fruit can help leach some of it out of you too.  It's safer and easier if you can get Madam Sprout to grow it."

"What the bloody hell?" Malfoy muttered.  "I'm going nutters.  I swear I am."

"If you were, you'd be less well-dressed," Harry told the water.  Draco glared up at the ceiling.  "Try it, see if it helps."  He canceled it.  "Do you think he'll ever find control?"

"I think most of us, if left alone to figure it out, find some form of control," Sam told him.

"That might be nice."  He concentrated on his enemy, keeping it at the lesser level.  Voldemort stiffened so apparently he could feel something.  Harry fingered the wand in his pocket.  "Think I could curse him through it?"

"Not without Xander's portal," Dean said.  "Huh, he looks even less human than we thought, Sammy."

"He does.  Really pathetic."

Harry grinned.  "He rules by fear."

"Which is really pathetic," Sam agreed.  "People are trained from an early age to be sheep, but he's taking it too far."

"We are?" Harry asked.

"Mind your mother and father.  Mind authority figures," Sam mimicked.  "Without we'd have chaos, but if you get a bad leader, then the whole group of people won't resist that much because they weren't taught to think for themselves.  It's happened many times through history.  It's why history is so bloody and messy.  People would puke if they saw actual history going on."

Dean nodded.  "Nothing's as pretty as they write because the winners spin it to make themselves look better.  Sometimes winning means having to be eviler than the other evils you're fighting.  It's the only way to come out on top."

"I didn't think about that."  He looked at the pool, finding it faded.  He sharpened it again and watched as Voldemort gave orders to search the house for intruders.  He canceled it.  "Do you think I could learn more about the portal stuff?"

"That's wandless magic.  You learn that in a progression like you do in school.  Small things then bigger things," Sam ordered.  Harry beamed at that.  "I have no idea how Xander went from plants to that."

"It was necessary probably.  Kept him wherever he should be," Dean told him.  "Go study, Harry.  We'll play after dinner."  He ran off to do that, taking that book with him to start there.  "How trained do you think he can get by the time he's got to go back?"

"Probably pretty well.  At least to the point where he can look up new ones and teach himself."  He looked at the tub then at him.  "I'm worried about the other kid.  It's clear he's about to snap."

"With what we read about his family they're probably planning on trying to use him to gain power anyway.  Make an alliance."

"Could be," Sam agreed.  "You know, he's right.  We never thought about these things before we met Xander."

Dean smirked.  "Don't blow his ego up any more, Sammy.  He'll make us go to Armani again."

Sam cackled.  "That's bad.  That's even worse than my thought."  Dean quirked up an eyebrow.  "If your patronius is based on something inside you and you have to have happy memories to cast it, would Harry's change to a patronius of Xander?"

Dean cackled, swatting him on the arm.  "That's so bad."  He went to tell Harry that.  "Hey, Harry.  Sammy wanted to know if your patronius would change from this."

"I have no idea," he admitted.  "Why?"

"He was thinking it might come out as a patronius of Xander."

Harry snickered.  "That would be wickedly cool.  What would his come out as?"

"Strife," Dean told him, making Harry laugh some more.  "We'll hit the bookstore and the video game store after dinner, kid."  He walked off to share with Xander, who was pouting.  "What?"

"I'd make a damn good patronius.  As long as I had my axe or sword."

Dean patted him on the head.  "Of course you would.  You'd slay dementors then make fun of them."  Xander smirked but nodded.  "Sammy's worried about the Malfoy kid."

"So am I.  I'm going to scry him now and then to make sure he's not having too many more troubles.  If so, I'll handle it and get to smack that headmaster around."

"Good deal."  He sat down.  "Ryan's coming over tonight."

"I should probably sharpen my sword then."  He went to do that.

Dean grinned, checking what games they already had at the house.  They could add some more.  It'd help with Xander's boredom problem when they weren't around.  His phone rang.  "Yeah?" he answered.  "Hey, Ellen.  Miami.  Talking to the one who taught us more about swords and ancient weapons.  Helping him with the new student and being spoiled rotten since he's a great cook.  Why?"  He listened.  "Sammy's here too.  Again, why?"  He listened.  "Huh.  Nope, not that way.  Sure, I can do that."  He hung up.  "Hey, Xander, can you create a portal to somewhere you haven't seen?"

"Only if you suddenly go telepathic," Xander called from upstairs.  "Why?"

"The hunters are hearing stories that we're different."

Sam came into the living room.  "Who said that?"

"Ellen heard that we took a demonic deal."

"Not hardly."  He sat down.  "Want to go talk to her?  It'll take a few days."

Xander came bouncing down the stairs.  "Anywhere nearby that we might be able to get a picture from?  Like a park or something?"

"The local town has a town-cam," Sam offered.  He logged on to find it, letting him see it.  "In semi-real-time.  Small video lag."

Xander nodded, taking it and Dean out back to open the portal.  It shimmied a few times before fully opening.  "There you go."

Dean looked at the inside of the bar then at him.  "How did you do that?"

"I focused there then the biggest surge of taint."  He gave him a look.  "Hunting does taint."

"I know that."  He walked through and the portal closed behind him.  "The one who taught us ancient weapons can do that," he said at the horrified looks.  "Xander's kinda cool that way and he cooks great meals."  He walked over to Ellen.  "Test me if you want."

"What was that?"

"Portal.  Demons like Xander so he learned how to warp and use their portals to keep himself and us safe."

"Why do they like him?" she demanded.

"Because he's powerful and he used to hunt too."  She gaped.  He pulled out a picture, holding it up.  "Seen him when his hair was shorter?"

"There was a girl who had his picture," she said, taking it.  "Much shorter hair.  Is that... Florida?"

"Miami."  He took it back.  "You can test me if you want."  He looked up then at her.  "I walked through the devil's trap."

"I noticed.  They said you're tainted and have healing gifts?"

"Not quite."  He smirked.  "That's an accident of Dad's."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because Mom didn't give birth to us," he said quietly.  "Dad found me and Sammy got switched at the hospital."  She shuddered.  He stared at her.  "And I know there's at least one other of us who hunt.  We ran into him," he said in a near whisper.

She nodded.  "There is.  I know him.  I've seen that."  He nodded.  "You're sure?"

"Holy water?"  Someone threw some on him.  Dean looked back.  "If you get me too wet, Xander's going to come fuss."  He looked around the room again.  "Any other questions?  We've talked to Bobby for a good, long while after we trained."

"Why do they want this guy?" the one who had thrown the holy water on him asked.

"They want to own him.  A concubine that's a former hunter and has skills like his is highly desired.  So they give him shit, try to steal him now and then, and then make him destroy them.  It's how he gets his hunting in now.  Us too part of the time since they decided we were a good second choice to him."  They all gaped.  He shrugged.  "It happens, guys.  We all know it happens.  It still wasn't a demonic deal.  No contracts or anything like that.  Awakening some gifts I already had because Xander's the one who gave me that ancient axe we have now.  It was his when he was hunting.  She's specially blessed and all that good stuff."

"Your dad would've hated that," another hunter said.

"Dad probably would've freaked out about Xander anyway.  But he did train us very well in how to fight with a sword, axe, or any other bladed weapon.  He also has classification manuals and stuff so we spent a lot of the time in them to learn more."

"He sounds like a watcher," someone said.

"He used to work beside one until his girl went off the deep liquor end of the pool.  He followed.  They're making amends so they sent Sammy and Xander a hellish ton of books in bottomless trunks.  Sammy got to geek out for weeks on that."  He grinned.  "I got to play with more weapons because Xander likes weapons.  We even got to sort and hand some lesser things over to the crime lab down there for destruction.  Their ballistics tech is cute, bouncy, and blonde."

"Hold on.  I know their lab," one said, standing up.  "I knew Calleigh when she was little.  We write to each other now and then.  She said something about a Dean and Sam....  Oh, shit, that's Harris you were training with?"

"Yeah, Xander's a cool guy," Dean agreed.   "She go off about his hair?"

"Among other things," he said, staring him down.  Dean shrugged.  "Are you?"

"None of your business.  Even if we were, we'd handle it in-house."  He swallowed.  "But yeah, he's the guy who taught us a lot about swords and stuff.  Including how to ride a horse.  He insisted."  Ellen smothered a laugh.  He looked at her.  "Seriously.  Him and the high priest to Ares down there have horses on a farm Xander owns.  He took us out there a number of times to teach us how to ride in case it became necessary.  Plus he said chicks dig it."

"Some do," she agreed, smirking at him.  "I can't imagine you up on a horse, Dean.  Or Sammy."  He found the picture and showed it to her.  "Okay, that's just strange, even for a Winchester."

"Dad probably would've freaked a lot but oh well."  He put the wallet back.  "Any other questions you guys have?"  They all shook their heads.  "If you need us, we're in Miami helping Xander with his newest student."

"We heard you got taken by a demon," one said.

"One did kidnap us off realm, yeah.  A few have tried since they decided we're the next best thing to Xander.  We beat them, we destroy them, we come back home and have a beer.  Be damned if I'm going to be some demon's concubine."

A few shuddered at that thought.  Ellen patted him on the back.  "I can't imagine you in that sort of outfit either, Dean."

He glared.  "There are no pictures of the time one of them knocked me out and redressed me.  There never will be pictures of it either.  Don't hold your breath."

She cackled.  "One did?"

"And Sammy helped Xander blow up his palace too.  Then we went to a demon bar to work on some  higher identification of things we've never run into before.  Did you know there's a cloister of demonic nuns?"  Her mouth fell open.  "Coptic nuns, but a full cloister.  Very holy.  The holy water didn't hurt them and they said they make it stronger than even Bobby does.  They made us cookies when we ran into one having problems and returned her back to her people.  Some bully in a demon market Xander was getting us home through the last time."

"How?" one asked.

He shrugged, leaning on the bar.  "A lot of demon realms, dude.  There's a whole bunch of them and only about five percent are the ones we see and deal with.  Most of the ones we've walked past that haven't wanted to keep us as a toy only wanted to be left alone.  Some of the ones who wanted to keep us didn't associate with humans outside of keeping a toy now and then.  As a matter of fact, Xander had a very good friend on their High Council.  The same Council that ruled over the realms, kept most of them off ours, kept the peace among all the tribes, clans, all that stuff.  He got assassinated for negotiating a peace treaty.  He kept a lot of demons off Xander's hair.  There's whole worlds of demons we've never seen because they hide them."

"Prove it," another one said.

Dean wrote down an address, walking it over to one guy he knew.  "Get someone local to there to check into that.  It's a demon brothel of the non-possessed, but funny looking ones sort.  There's probably at least six species there."

He looked at the address then called a friend locally to ask him about that.  He went pale as the guy described it and said how nice they were.  He hung up, staring at him. "They let in humans?"

"There's usually non-violence charms and some people don't care what it looks like as long as it's good.  I'm more picky but there's even species of demons that're meant to be sex slaves.  They were bred and born for that purpose.  Quarth demons are usually pretty funny to talk to.  They have some strange ideas but they're nice, harmless demons who need sex to live.  So they work in brothels until they find someone nice to own them.  They think Xander is one of them, even though he's not, so they want to treat him the same way.  Now they want to treat me and Sammy the same way.  They think we're cute."  He smirked.

"Only when you were younger," Ellen snorted.  "Why don't we run into those sort?"

"They try very hard to stay hidden.  It's a very tightly closed society.  The only reason they like Xander so much is because he accidentally found a demon brothel in New York."  Another hunter choked in the back.  "Know Devi's?" he asked dryly, staring her down.

"Yeah, had a possessed human in there," she choked.  She cleared her throat.  "Xander, dark hair, out of Sunnydale Xander?"  Dean nodded.  "Devi moaned about him a lot."

"He wanted Xander a lot.  He can't have him.  Xander's got boyfriends for that."

"Good to know."  Dean smirked.  "Oh, that means.  Oh!"  He nodded once.  "Damn, Dean.  Winchesters are proving that they're the toilet paper of the universe again, huh?"

"Only Sammy.  They want me because I'm a wonderful hunter."  He smirked.  "And hey, we could be worse.  Xander's the worst we've ever seen.  He's the only person I've ever met that got tracked and nearly taken by eighteen demons in one day.  The same day Sammy and I were watching him shop."  She shuddered.  "Exactly.  So, any other questions?"  They all shook their heads.  "You sure?  Get it out now.  Xander's making dinner and I'm starved."

"He's a really good cook?" Ellen asked.

"He's a damn good cook and he makes too much so there's always leftovers."  He grinned.  "Xander's a kick-ass cook.  Who spoils horribly.  If Bobby told you about the suddenly appearing sandwiches?  That was Xander.  All handmade too."  She moaned.  "Yeah, they tasted that good."  He grinned.  "Any other questions?"  No one said anything. "Good.  Then let me get back to helping spoil Xander's newest student and then dinner."  He called Xander.  "It's me.  Can I come home?  Where are you?"  He groaned, rubbing his forehead.  "Harry or Sammy with you?"  He nodded.  "Okay, let me get outside.  You sure?"  He nodded.  "Thanks, Xander."  He hung up.  "Damn demons."  He walked outside, grabbing the axe from the woodpile.  "I'll get you a new one, Ellen," he called back through the door.  He got taken and took a swing at the demon trying to grab him.  It went thud very nicely.  "Fuckers."  He walked off to handle all the evil bitches again.  Xander was tied down.  Sammy was tied down.  The head demon was trying to mess up Harry's hair.  The axe made a nice dent in its forehead when he threw it.  The demon screamed and more guards came in.  Dean shot the few coming while Harry got the other two free.  Then it was really on.

***

Don came home, blinking as first Harry, then Dean and Sam, then Xander all reappeared wearing different clothes that were now nasty and covered in goo.  "Long trip?" he asked dryly.

"No.  Check the roast?  I put it in right before they took us.  I'm not sure how long it's been."  He went to change.  The others did the same thing.  Dean shaking his head the whole way.

"Hey, Xander, can we send Ellen that classification manual?" Dean called as he trudged up the stairs.  "She didn't know about half of those species."

"If you can find a second copy.  I need mine."

"Okay.  We can do that.  Sammy, find Ellen a copy of those books."

"Already working on it, Dean.  Though I was going to send them to Bobby.  You take Ryan's room.  I've got our shower."  Dean nodded, going to do that.

Don looked around the kitchen, shaking his head.  He checked the roast.  It was a bit overdone so he pulled it out.  Xander could make a sauce to help that poor piece of meat.  Xander came out with wet hair dripping down his back and in shorts.  "No laundry?"

"Nothing I want to wear.  I'm having a naked day but I'd embarrass Harry."  He checked the roast, pouting.

"Make a sauce, Xander."  He took a kiss and went to change into after hours clothes.

Xander flipped through his recipes, finding one he might like.  He got to work on it, brushing it on the meat and then making enough to use like a gravy.  It'd help.  That let him deal with the side dishes they'd need for dinner.  Ryan walked in.  "Come carve this.  The demon took me while it was baking so Don suggested a sauce."

"That's not a bad thing," Ryan assured him.  "Anything I need to complain about?"

"Not at the moment."  He took a kiss with a grin.  "You look like Eric tried to screw your cheerios to have the holes again."

Ryan burst out laughing.  "He and Aiden are on again at the moment.  I'll tell him you said that."  He gave him a shoulder nudge before getting the carving knives.  No knives in the drawer or the dishwasher.  "Xander, did something think you were suicidal?  There's no knives."

Xander looked then at him.  Then up.  "I want them back," he snarled.  Nothing.  "Shit.  Dean?"  He came down the stairs at a jog.  "They think we're going to be mean to each other with the knives.  They took them all."

Dean gave him an odd look, checking the drawer himself.  "Huh.  I've got a good sized hunting knife in the car to carve that with if you want.  We can hit the kitchen place tomorrow, Xander."

"I might like that."  Dean got the hunting knife, which Ryan made sure was clean before he used it on the roast.  Xander plated things up and put the sauce over the meat for them.  "There, try that."

Dean took a careful bite.  "It's a bit strange to have the orange sauce on the meat but not bad."  He tasted it.  "Could use some darker flavors though."  Xander got some red wine vinegar and stirred it in, adding more to Dean's plate.  He nodded that it was great so he added it to the others too.   Ryan helped him carry out to the living room.

Don looked at the sauce.  "I was thinking gravy."

"I suck at making gravy."  He sat beside him.  "Danny?"

"No clue.  He was out on a scene when I left."  He took a kiss.  "Ryan tastes good," he teased.

"He had that look like Eric used his cheerios for convenient holes again."

Don burst out laughing so hard Harry had to catch his plate before it fell.  He hugged him then Ryan.  "That's so bad, Xander."

"Yes I am now and then," he quipped.  "It counters all my good boy days.  Harry, we've got to hit the kitchen store tomorrow.  We've got no knives."

"Why?" Don asked.  "You had a bunch."

"They're gone."

"Oh."  He took his plate back and ate a bite of the meat.  "Not bad.  Different tasting sauce."  He ate another bite and kept going until it was gone.  Dean and Harry got seconds.  Sam got seconds on some things.  Ryan got dessert out of the fridge for them and they all inhaled that before settling in to let the food digest before sparring practice.

***

Harry let Xander explain everything in the kitchen store to him.  He had no idea why people needed separate tools to do some pretty simple things but apparently they did.  Xander even got a few new gadgets, even if Sam groaned about it.  Dean was doing some needed research for someone at the house.  So Sam was walking them around the kitchen store.  Then the grocery store.  Then home to put things up, then back to do clothes.  Again.  "Xander, I have plenty of clothes."

"Shut up, Harry.  I'm in a spoiling mood and it's not all going to you.  Besides, you need something cute to wear to attract a good boyfriend or girlfriend."  He smirked at his logic, going back to his hunting and choosing.

"Then they'd expect me to spoil them the same way you are me."

"You'll spoil them in your own way.  Sam has a lot of good ideas about spoiling lovers I'm sure."

"I did have some I used with Jess," he agreed.  Harry gave him an interested look.  "My girlfriend that got killed, Harry."  He gave him a shoulder squeeze.  "Xander, no one we know would look good in that color of green," he pointed out.

"Alexx would."

"Alexx won't let you buy her presents," he reminded him.  Xander glared.  "Okay, you can try it.  If she  makes you pout we'll pout back for you."  Xander grinned and got it anyway and another three more for her before they checked out and moved on.  It was going to be a *long* day.  "You don't need shoes or anything, right?" he whispered in Harry's ear.  Harry shook his head.  "You sure?"  Harry nodded.  "Okay.  Hey, Xander, Harry's getting a bit tired.  Can we stop for a snack break?"

"One more store."

"Xander, c'mon.  We can hit it in a few minutes.  Please?"

"Fine," he complained.  "They might be closed then."

"It's only lunch time.  They'll open back up and it doesn't look like anything but cheap stuff anyway."  He got them to a nice outdoor cafe, getting Xander down to eating.  Harry too.  Dean never let him fuss over him so he had to substitute when he could.  Dean found them and sat down before they were done.  "We find it?"

"Yup, not that hard.  Something we've run into in the past."  He looked at Xander, then at Harry, then at Sam again.  "Rest break?"

"I was a bit tired," Harry told him.

"It happens to the best of us.  Xander wore us out many times, Harry."  He patted the kid on the head.  Sam stared at him.  "What?"

"Dean wears his bracelets on the other wrist, dude."

"Oops."  The demon disappeared.  So did Xander's wallet.

Xander looked down then at Sam.  Who held up what he had.  "Thank you.  I'll get him later."  It reappeared on the table.  Xander didn't touch it.  "It had better all be there and normal," he whispered.  "Or else."  He checked.  The cash was in Euros.  He glared up at the sky.  "Fix it."  It shimmered and fixed.  "Thank you."  He checked.  Real, American dollars again.  "I could've sworn I had more than that."

"You probably still do," Sam promised.  "Unless he changed the hundreds for ones again."

"If he did, I get to destroy them all this time, right?"

"Sure, we can help you do that," Sam promised with a smile.  Xander beamed back.  When the card declined, Sam paid for it out of the wallet that wasn't touched.  "Magnetized," he told the waitress.  "He's getting a new one and forgot."  That one went through and he went to have Steve look it over.  He had a copy of all his cards on file and could hold the wallets.  The one they were using needed to be authorized but that was fine.  Harry still ended up with more clothes.  Sam too.  Then they went home to let Harry rest while they found swords and went to destroy this new one.  Even if the DPP did try to stop them.  Pity for it.

Dean looked up as the officer appeared in the study with a huff.  "They go after the one that tried to get them this time?"

"It's not seemly!"

"Then the stupid bitches should take no for an answer since Xander and Sammy aren't interested in a demonic lover."  The officer gaped at him.  He smirked.  "You're new, aren't you?" he asked facetiously.  The demon growled.  He looked up.  "Detective Mystick or one of you others?"  Mystick, the vampire on staff, appeared, then snorted at the new guy.  "Xander and Sammy went to have a fun time with the new tormenting one.  This one tried to stop them.  Said it wasn't seemly."

"I'll straighten him out.  You might be getting called on this one."

Dean snorted, handing him something.  "Send that to Xander for me please?  I've got to finish looking this one evil bitch up."

"Fine."  He took the rookie back there to explain things to him while sending Xander that shrunken case.  A few minutes later they got reports of a realm on fire.  Literally.  "Must've been artillery," he decided, going back to explaining some facts to the newbie on the force.  They brought Xander and Sam back, letting him handle it and fix what the demon had done to his accounts this time.  It really wasn't that pretty and soon Xander was going to own enough realms to sit on the council himself.  Then they'd really have problems.

***

Dumbledore looked up as his friend and helper walked into his office.  "Alistair.  How was he?"

"Harry's being a boy, Albus."  Mad Eye Moody sat down, staring at the headmaster.  "They were at a convention for their sorts.  It was a happy, nice place in Las Vegas.  Pretty city.  Harry was laughing his butt off over something, acting like a normal boy.  Had his wand on him but wasn't using it in sight.  He went to a few of the seminars, including self-defense with one of the guys who was always with him."

"This Xander?"

"No, one of his former students, Dean.  I talked to him, he said Sam and Dean had been there when he was training.  I remember seeing them through the portal.  Nice guys for demon hunters."  Albus went a bit pale at that then coughed to return himself to normal.  "They're having a good time and Harry seemed pretty settled.  He did spend some time in a room where everyone was piled into a huge cuddle.  Seemed to enjoy it a lot.  He had been surging just a tiny bit until he went in there.  Spent about two hours just being held and stuff.  Worked really well.  The other people at the convention were pretty decent.  They booked the whole hotel so no one outside could get in.  I had to be a staff member for it.  Xander was pointing out sights to him.  They visited a huge bookstore with ancient books.  Sam, the tallest one of the two hunters, Harry, and Xander all picked out huge stacks of books.  Harry came out with about seven of them.  Might've had a small one tucked between them.  They were all books on magic."

"That's good to know.  What did Xander get?"

"About the same.  He had some skills.  Pretty minor it felt like.  All that wandless sort."  He crossed his feet, giving the headmaster a bland look.  "They're fine and Harry only had one accidental surge.  Which he handled almost immediately by himself.  When I talked to him, he said he's learned a lot about how to handle himself and other things.  Said he's been doing his book work as well.  Dean's taught him how to use some other weapons better.  Harry's a peach with a sword.  They were showing off that dance style you mentioned at the convention to teach a few of the members how to do it.  Looked enticing so I couldn't watch for long.  Had some swordwork built in.  I've seen strippers be less enticing than that stuff really."  He shifted again.  "They made sure he ate, went to bed sometime, and when they left it was to go back to Miami.  Xander's boyfriends and other friends showed up with them.  I know at least Xander spotted me.  He stared at me until I backed off and Harry told him I was all right.  One of the family's friends spotted me as well.  Redhead, very icy when he asked me why I was staring at the boy.  He was an officer so I leveled with him about watching over the kid that weekend for you.  He wasn't happy.  Something about endangering his life?"

"I had him dosed with those herbs to get him calmed down and it was a bit too high of a dose," he said.

"I see."  That didn't go at all with the story the boy himself had told him.  He'd let that go for now.  "Xander did say he'd be checking on Malfoy now and then as well since he clearly wasn't handling himself so well."  He stood up.  "It's nice to see the boy being a boy.  He was vigilant during the convention.  Only one guy tried to pickpocket him and he got them back.  The officers watching the convention for problems were nice when they arrested the guy for him.  Basically, the kid's fine, Dumbledore.  Leave him alone for now.  He's got it covered and he'll be back after that convention at the holidays.  That way Xander doesn't have to wear himself out taking them across multiple demon realms to get him home."

"What about these demon hunters?"

"Pair of brothers.  Fairly tough.  Looked like someone military trained 'em.  Had good reaction times.  One was helping out in the self-defense class with some tall guy who was a federal agent.  They brought their car from Miami and it had weapons in it.  Including a very old blessed axe.  Harry said that had belonged to Xander but since he wasn't actively hunting it went to Dean when he showed skill with it.  That way it wasn't getting dusty waiting on the next apocalypse."  Dumbledore shuddered.

"Demons can do that.  Harry did say a few had tried to get his attention but he brushed them off so they went after Xander, who killed 'em for it mostly.  They tried neat things like taking all the kitchen stuff in the house.  Taking his wallet and replacing the big bills with little ones.  Pranks to get attention.  Heard from one of the DPP, demon police," he said at the odd look.  "Talked to him when I caught him watching the boy.  They were worried Xander would destroy another realm when the next one went after him.  Seems he's got a bit of a temper.  He's done in three or four realms and a bunch of clans and families for trying for him."  He smirked.  "He's not a bad looking guy.  Even with the hair."

"I don't think he's a fit guardian for Harry."

"He's a good one.  Fusses just enough to make it nice, but doesn't fuss too much. Makes him want to study and learn new things.  Harry and some blond guy that Xander knew well enough to hug and kiss on the cheek talked about riding horses too."

Dumbledore kept the sigh inside.  "Was he studying?"

"I saw his school books with him.  He did them one night when everyone else was watching something.  He didn't want to watch so he went to do some more in his books.  Might be a bit behind at the moment but he did spend three weeks in bed from that accidental overdose you gave him."  He stared him down.  "He'll be back after the holidays.  Oh, and he did get scrying to work.  Said he gave Granger the name of the book.  Checked on Malfoy, which was how he got that fruit that helped him so much."  He smirked.  "He's checking around now and then.  Plus we're a book to them so he's read ahead of the timeline to see how the fictional him managed to defeat Voldemort.  Just in case he can use it here."

"That is helpful.  Is he healthy otherwise?"

"Just fine.  Actually put on a bit of weight finally."  He left, finding McGonagall waiting downstairs with the nurse.  "Being nosy?" he taunted.

"Of course we are.  How is he?"

"Good.  They were at a convention.  He was laughing, had put on some weight, and looked happy enough.  Got along well with the others.  Spent two hours in a room just cuddling with a group of people.  Got a pickpocket easily enough."  She snorted at that.  "He is checking now and then.  He got scrying to work."

Madam Pomfrey smiled.  "I was hoping that how Mr. Malfoy got that fruit."

"Is it growing okay?"

"Mostly.  We figured it needed a warmer climate so she's got a heating charm on it to steady the growth."  He nodded once.  "He was all right?"

"Looked healthy enough to me.  Had put on weight finally.  No longer so scrawny.  Had his wand on him but wasn't using it."  McGonagall nodded at that.  "He told me we're a book to them."  She groaned, rubbing her forehead.  "Said it's fairly accurate.  Also said that he got the last one to see how he did it.  He'll be at that convention locally.  Xander and a family friend both spotted me and got very protective over the boy.  Oh, and he knows how to ride a horse now.  Xander made him learn."

"It's a skill that could come in handy I suppose."

"Plus he joked that girls like them."

She chuckled.  "I suppose they do.  Thank you, Alistair."  She kissed him on the cheek and went back to her classroom much less worried about the boy.  She spotted Malfoy up the hall.  "Problems?"

"A few," he admitted.  He held something up.  "Sniff."  She did and groaned.  "I don't know who did it this time but I'm rather annoyed because I don't need to spend another week in the infirmary.  Can't we obliviate those who don't need to know?"

"If I could, I would have already," she assured him. "Was it all washed in it again?"  He nodded.  "Very well.  Madam Pomfrey, they did it again."

The nurse came over to sniff, growling.  "I'm going to dose him," she snarled.

"There is that potion my father takes now and then," Draco offered dryly.  "What do you want me to do about this?  It's going to drive me insane soon.  I can't keep missing classes or I'll never leave here."

McGonagall took the clothes from him.  "Relax and let us handle it, Mr. Malfoy.  We will.  Have you told your head of house?"

He shook his head.  "He had canceled classes today to gather something for a necessary potion.  I have no idea where he is."

She pursed her lips together.  "All right.  Then I'll handle this for you.  Poppy, have a house elf we trust clean his clothes in clean water.  Make sure it's clean."  She nodded, taking that shirt to take with her.  She went to talk to the headmaster.  Mad Eye was watching with interest but she didn't care.

Mad Eye looked at the boy.  "It sucks when you're burdened with a curse like this one."  He tossed him something.  "The calling stone to Potter's teacher's house."  Draco gaped.  "He's worse than you two combined, kid.  He's at the top of the scale and maxed out."  He walked off happier.  He hated the little brat.  Thought he was a slimy waste of sperm.  But he wouldn't want anyone to suffer the way that kid had been.

Draco tucked the stone into his pocket, going to think.  This was not the slytherin way and his father wanted to take advantage of it.  He was most overjoyed that Draco had turned out this way.  Draco didn't really want to be some rich thing's playtoy but his father was insisting it was good for the family.  Thankfully he wouldn't be eighteen for another few months.  Then things would have to be decided quickly.

***

Harry was scrying the school when Xander came out to look over his shoulder because he had yelled.  "I don't know what they did to him this time but there's no way Draco should be surging like you do, Xander."

"No, there's not."  He went to change out of his lounging pajamas and into leathers.  Plus his sword.  He put on boots and used the calling stone to get to the school, walking up the hall to where he could feel the boy getting ready to explode.  He was in a class.  He walked in and hauled the kid up, taking him to the bathroom.  "Malfoy, we've got to cure this little problem."

"Who are you?" the teacher demanded.

Xander stared at him.  "Mr. Potter's trainer, Xander Harris."  The man flinched, stepping back.  "Leave me and my new student alone before he accidentally hurts someone or himself."  He walked him into the bathroom.  "Take care of it before you let it go explosively."

"I can't.  Someone put a bloody curse on me."

Xander stared.  "Shit, kid.  No wonder."  He concentrated, putting his hands on Draco's head.  "There it is."  He prayed hard to Hecate, feeling like he got permission.  He removed it and the others on the boy, letting him go release himself in the toilet.  Xander relaxed against the sink, nodding at the ghost that floated in.  "Morning.  I'm helping my new student before he enslaves part of the school.  You might tell the three people who cursed him to never do so again."

"Who are you, boy?"

"Xander Harris.  From Sunnydale."  He smirked.  "I'm a hellmouth baby and Anchor."  The ghost floated back at that.  Xander let him see his hip's tattoo.   He wasn't going to strip to show off the rest.  McGonagall stomped in.  "Professor."

"Xander.  Why are you here?"  He pointed at the toilet.  "Malfoy?"

He nodded, taking her hand to let those things he had removed taint her instead.  "I removed those from him.  Three different curses, all feeling like different people had cast them."

She shuddered.  "I'll have our charms teacher remove them from me to see who did it."

"Please do.  One was highly unkind since it was a cockring spell."  She shook her head.  "Oh, yeah.  Which was why the boy was endangering himself and others.  He and Harry can get along at the house until the holidays."

"His father will never consent."

"You can tell his father that one of the best trained of those of us with this problem have him to train him.  If he doesn't agree, I'd like to see him try to find me."  She laughed.  "Exactly.  Draco, are you nearly done?"

"I'm fine," he said, coming out to wash his hands.  "I'm sorry, Professor.  I tried."  Snape was still missing.

Xander patted him on the shoulder.  "They've been feeding you surging herbs, kid.  You can't handle that.  Oh, Professor, Harry found his other professor who's missing."  Draco gave him a heated look.  "He's safe but captured.  Not that side but your side."

"I'll talk to the headmaster."

"Good.  Before I smack the shit out of the elderly man for doing this to the kids."  He looked at Draco.  "Get what you need.  We're going to Miami with me."

"Why Miami?"

"It's where I live."  He smirked.  "I have a wonderful large house.  You and Harry can learn how to get along for a few weeks."  The professor summoned his things for him.  Draco made sure it was all there, summoning a few things by name, then he took the boy with him down to the barrier.  One large person stood in his way.  "You must be Hagrid.  Harry's spoken well of you."

"Who're you?" he asked.

"Xander."

Hagrid swallowed.  "He told me you helped him."

"I'm still helping him since he was maliciously given something that nearly killed him.  This one as well.  They'll be safe with me.  You can send the funny eyed one if you need to check on him again."  He walked the boy around him.  "If your father fusses, I'll kick his fairy ass too."

"Aren't you gay?" Draco asked.  "I ask because of the hair and the walk."

"Well, yeah, but I can still kick his ass.  I was trained at a temple of Ares, Draco.  I can kick many asses."  Draco looked stunned.  Xander grinned.  "I'm an anchor to Cupid, Strife, and Ares.  With a bit thrown in from the others since I can do a bit of magic and things. Are we ready?"  He nodded.  He took the boy's hand.  "Hold onto your trunk."  Draco did that and they disappeared onto a demon realm.  "I can't get us directly but within two stops.  Hold on."  He did the other moves, landing them on the back lawn.  "There we go."  Draco was pale and shaky.  "Go into the kitchen.  I'll make you something for your stomach."  He went that way.  "Harry, Dean, Sam?  Visitor."

Harry came in, smiling at Draco.  "You all right?  I was scrying Ron when I saw you about to explode."

"I'm fine now.  He removed the curses from me," he said quietly.  "This is a nice house."

"Thank you.  There's empty rooms on the second floor.  Harry can show you around after you drink something for your stomach."  He handed it over.  "Sip that.  It should help."  He put some crackers next to him as well.  "There.  Harry, what was I making for dinner?"

"The stuff you're burning in the oven?" he guessed.

Xander looked then grimaced.  "I guess I was."  He tossed that out and found the recipes open so he went back to it.

"Please not lamb," Dean begged.  Xander sighed and got pork instead.  "Thanks, dude."  He smirked at Draco.  "Welcome to Miami.  I'm Dean, that's Sam."

"He's spoken of you in my presence before," he said, shaking his hand.  "Could I possibly lie down for a bit?"

"This way, Malfoy," Harry said.  He led him up to the spare room.  "Here, settle in.  No house elves."  Draco nodded, resting on the bed.  He came down.  "He seems almost whipped," he said quietly.

"That's called reprogramming," Dean admitted.  "You see it with abused spouses and things, kiddo."  He looked up then at Xander, who gave him a look.  "He'll be fine."

"I get to kick his father's ass."

"Sure," Dean agreed.  "And the headmaster if he shows up."

Xander grinned.  "Cool.  You sure you want pork?"

"Xander, we don't care as long as it's not lamb," Dean told him.  "Fix whatever you want to fix and we'll bow as long as it's tasty."

Xander grinned.  "Thanks, Dean.  Finish off the last of the chinese with Harry for lunch?"  They got the rest of the containers out and went to the living room to eat.  Xander put the pork back and decided what he really wanted was chicken tonight so everyone was getting chicken.

***

Xander felt the protections around the house go off so he got out of bed and grabbed his sword, heading outside.   "The funny eyed one.  Welcome to Miami."

Mad Eye looked at him then away.  "You could have put on clothes, boy."

"You're interrupting my snuggling time, Mad Eye."

"You know who I am?"

"I read the first five books too."  He crossed his arms.  "The boys are fine.  They're sleeping.  Draco's clearly being forced into a role that's not him.  He's looking scared of himself like someone's abused spouse."

Mad Eye looked at him.  "They found the cursers."

"Good.  Did they punish them?"

"The one done by a student.  The other two were done by his father."

"How would his father have done it from a distance?"

"We're not sure.  Can he stay?"

"He can.  I can teach him a lot and I doubt he'd mind helping me shop.  It's not too late, he wasn't broken, just bent."

"Good.  The Headmaster isn't happy."

"He shows up here I get to use him as bait for the next several fishing trips," Xander said simply.

"Can you use that thing?"  Xander nodded.  "You sure?"

"You should scry the sparring practice sometime, Moody."

"I got that book from Granger.  It's real easy as a beginning manual.  She can't do it though.  Weasley's brother can."

"That's fine.  Harry won't mind."  He smirked.  "Anything else?  It's the middle of the night."

"Nope.  Just keep the kids working on their homework.  Getting behind is bad for their tests."

Xander waved a hand.  "He'll do fine.  They both will."  That got a nod.  "You can tell whoever his father wanted to give him to that we're not ownable.  We can only grant our favors to those we find worthy."

"I can do that," he said with an evil smirk.  "Any other commands?"

"Yeah, duck."  He ducked and Xander threw his sword at the guy coming over the back fence.  He screamed.  Ryan, since he was in residence tonight, came rushing out with his gun.  "He was scaling the back fence, Ry."

"I can see that."  He tossed the sword back, letting Xander catch it.  "Who are you and why are you trespassing?"  He pulled off the mask.  "Know him?"

"Isn't that Stetler's new minion of puss sucking?"

"Possibly."  He called it in and waited while Xander went back into the house and the wizard disappeared.  The man was making squeaky noises so he eased up on his collar.  A patrol car pulled in so he walked him over.  "Scaling the back wall."

"This house is under investigation," he said.

"No it's not," Ryan told him.

"We say it's a haven of illicit dealings."

"Your boss won't," Ryan told him.  "He knows Xander only spoils us with food."

"Two detectives live here full time."

"Yeah, they're called boyfriends," the driver of the cruiser told him.  He took him.  "No cuffs, Wolfe?"

"Not on me.  Xander got him with his sword in the leg.  That's why he's limping."

"Works for us.  Thanks.  Need us to check the grounds?"

"Nope.  We've got the dogs for that."  That got an evil smirk.  "Thanks."  He walked inside.  "Hershey.  Kiss."  They came out.  "Check the grounds, girls."  They went to sniff.  They barked at someone hiding in a bush.  The patrol officer had waited so he took that one too.  The other one was a neighbor so the neighborhood security people got him home.  He was a bit drunk in the tree by the fence.  Ryan took the dogs back inside, waving at the cruiser as it pulled off.  "Good girls."  He got them a treat and let them go back to wherever they wanted to nap.  He looked up to find Draco standing there.  "It's over with."

"Was one of us here?"

"Mad Eye was," Xander said, coming out of the bedroom in a robe this time.  "They found who cursed you.  They punished the student that did one."

"The other two?" he asked calmly.

"Parental."

"Shite."

"Basically," Xander agreed with a grin.  "He said to bring you back at the same time.  To make sure you do your homework.  To make sure you weren't broken by their fucking with you.  Little things like that."  He patted him on the head but the kid ducked away, earning a smile.  "Good.  Go back to bed, Draco.  I'll make breakfast then we'll go to the farm to check on the horses tomorrow."  He nodded, going to do that.  He looked at Ryan.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He took a kiss.  "They leave you hanging?" he teased.

"Yeah, but Don's being possessive."

"Bring Ryan in here," Danny ordered.  Xander pulled him in there.  "Lay down, Ryan."   Ryan climbed in, getting some Xander cuddles.  And a nice blow job.  Xander was happy to help him back to sleep.

***

Draco came out of his room the next morning, finding Harry coming down the stairs.  "Rooming in the attic?"

"That's the practice room."  He nodded.  "Xander cooks an enormous breakfast."  He led the way down there, pointing.  "That's the library.  Half of the magic books are in bottomless trunks and bags.  The index is that maroon book on the smaller desk."  He walked him into the kitchen.  "That door in the hallway leads to a sub-realm that has a copy of the house before it was updated by Xander."  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Plus a huge orchard.  Bigger than the one out front."  He sat down, staring at Xander.  "Dean and Sam already up and after that ghost downtown?"

"Sure are."  He handed them both juice.  "Draco, if you want tea, I've got water warming right now.  Or there's coffee if you want it."

"What's coffee?"

"Caffeine."  He let him sip from his cup.  "I added milk and sugar to mine."

Draco made an awful face.  "It's a bit bitter."

"That's why I add milk and sugar."  He grinned.  "Tea's in cabinet beside you.  Speed left some of his here.  Mostly herbal but some nicer stuff too.  Harry, the breakfast is cooking.  Give it ten minutes then pull it out to cool long enough to cool.  I'm still trying to get Ryan up."  He went to his room.

Draco blushed.  "He's with him too?"

"The book had things on protectors and keepers, remember?" Harry asked.  Draco gave him an odd look but nodded.  "Don and Danny are technically his keepers.  Ryan, Eric, and a few others are protectors part-time and keep him from killing Danny and Don in bed."

"Could he?" he hissed.

Xander came out nodding.  "Did it by accident to someone once.  He wanted me to be bouncy and hyper and I was a bit too hyper."  He poured coffee into another cup and walked it back to the bedroom, leaning down to kiss Ryan awake.  "You're not sleeping beauty."

"I'm very pretty," he teased, smiling up at him.

"You are but you're not a princess.  That's my job."  He handed the laughing man his coffee.  "The boys are up and breakfast is almost ready."

"Thank god I have today off," Ryan said, sipping the coffee.  He showered then came out to find Xander cutting breakfast.  He took his plate out back, going to warm up for their longer sparring session.  Xander joined him.  The boys decided to come out and eat with them.  "Did you cover it or are the dogs into it already?" Ryan asked.

"They're in the living room.  I petted them both.  They played most of the night."

"A squirrel got into the practice room.  They had a lot of fun with it," Xander agreed.  He went to put the food in the fridge, shooing the dogs outside to help them.  He checked on the ferrets.  They were fine so the dogs got to be played with.  "These are Hershey and Kiss, Draco."

"They're beautiful beasts."  He let them sniff him and one tried to lap his face, making him lean backwards.  "No, I don't need that."

"Down, Kiss."  The dog sat, staring at him.  "Good girl to follow orders."  He petted her behind the ears.  Hershey got between them for her petting time.   "Greedy," he teased with a grin.

"Eat," Ryan ordered, picking up a toy and tossing it for them.  They ran off to get it and bring it back to him.  They liked fetch.  Plus it let them eat between tosses.  Even if Draco's toss was a bit limp-wristed and he only held it by two fingers, which he immediately wiped off on his pants.

"They don't slobber that much," Harry assured him.  Draco glared.  "They're pretty good dogs.  They've used me as a pillow a few times.  Oh, the cages?  He's had them for years now."

Xander snapped his fingers.  "That's right, long before the books came out, Draco.  Beauty was a present."

"Pet whats?" he asked calmly.

"Four ferrets in their own kingdom."

Draco shook his head.  "Everyone has to have something to pet I suppose."  He went back to eating.  He did look at them when he brought his plate inside.  At least none of them were named after him.  That was something to make him happier at least.  He came out to find Harry on the far side of the picnic table while Xander and Ryan stretched.  Draco sat down to watch.  "Xander's really limber."

"It's something you build slowly up to.  I can do a backbend but I have problems getting out of it without falling."  He grinned.  "They're very good at this."  Ryan quit stretching and grabbed his sword, attacking Xander.  Xander dodged and grabbed his blade with a wicked smirk.  They were on and it was a beautifully deadly dance of blades and muscle.  Harry made Draco close his mouth.  "What Xander's doing is what he was teaching me."  Draco swallowed.  "He's a good teacher if you wanted to take lessons."  Draco slowly shook his head.  "That's up to you."  He went back to watching, smiling when Ryan nearly got Xander but Xander ducked and swatted him on the butt instead, making him yelp.  "Get him, Xander!"

"I plan on it.  He has to do my hair if I win.  I miss having it brushed by the furry ones."

"Tony called moaning about that," Ryan said dryly.  He swatted Xander on the arm.  "Bad you."

"Isn't that the definition?" he taunted with an evil smirk.  He looked back as the gates opened and a car pulled in.  "Your tribe cometh."

"Eww.  I don't want think those thoughts about most of the police officers, Xander.  Why is it I'm here and my mind turns smutty?"

"My excellent warping abilities," he said with a grin.  He dodged behind the officer stomping over.  "We're sparring, not fighting for real."  Ryan dove after him and he ran off.  Ryan chased, catching him but Xander wiggled free, making Ryan get off.  "Ha!  I win again!  You get to do my hair."

The officer watched them.  "Are you two insane!" he yelled.

"Bored," Xander said.  "Why do you ask?"

"You're fighting with swords."

"I do that too," Xander agreed.  "I helped teach Ryan.  Why?"

"That's not normal!"

"I'm GHS," Xander said dryly.

"Never mind."  He pointed at the two kids.  "Someone in the neighborhood said they should be in school, sir?"

"They're both over age and home schooling this last year," Ryan said.  "We've been making sure of it.  Their normal school has been having issues like trying to kill the dark haired one."

"Uh-huh," he said patiently.  Ryan pulled out his ID.  "Oh, you're a CSI."

"Wolfe.  I work with Caine."

"For some reason that doesn't really surprise me."  Ryan glared.  "You hear things about his lab."  Xander glared, arms crossed over his chest.  "Well, you do," he defended.

"The boys are perfectly fine and happy and so are we, Officer.  You have a nice patrol.  Okay?" he offered with a grin.

"Um, sure, but your neighbors still complained about the noisy house."

"We're not that noisy," Ryan complained.  "I stay over now and then to use their movie room and big screen tv plus for sparring practice."

The officer just walked off shaking his head.  He went back to his boss, putting down the call.  "Do you know anything about them, swords, and CSI named Wolfe?"

"A lot.  Harris is the one who knocked me out of the way of a bullet a few years back."

The officer stared at him.  "He's weird."

"A bit.  But for a level ten GHS, he's not bad.  He spoiled us rotten for the longest time until the last chief got onto him about bringing us lunch."

The officer scratched his neck.  "They were fighting with swords and two younger guys there."

"Harris trains new GHS sometimes.  They come out after puberty.  From what I've heard the dark haired one is eighteen.  There's another?"  He nodded.  "Interesting.  Did he look younger?"

"Older.  Barely."

"Then it's fine.  It's either someone attached to that one or another student.  It helps him be less bored.  Bored is bad.  Then they get people invading and things."

"There's still the complaint they were fighting with swords, which did not have anything on the blades to keep from killing someone, and that they're noisy."

"Harris knows a unique form of sword martial arts.  Wolfe trains with him to keep him in shape.  Somehow it helps wear out his hormones.  As for noisy, ask the neighborhood security guys.  They keep track of that.  Which house got new people?  He had one that went psychotic over a dead tree and arrested for burning it and trying to kill us.  The one on the other side blew hers up and we found drug plants.  The original owner of that one thought a slamming door next door was noisy and complained about that level of noise.  She ended up shooting herself to make the noise go away.  The one behind him used to belong to drug dealers."

He checked.  "The one behind him probably."

"So new neighbors.  They shouldn't be looking over his fence but you can go tell Flack in Homicide so he can mediate."

"He lives out there?  On our salary?"

"He's Harris's protector and boyfriend."  The officer groaned, going to find Flack to talk to him.  "He'll learn or I'll transfer him down to South Beach for a while to get him used to squealing gay people."

***

Don came home that night, looking at the tired boys.  "Video games?"

"Duel," Harry said.  "Xander spanked us both."

"Good.  Learn to get along."  He looked around.  "Where is Xander?"

"He and Ryan blipped out as Sam calls it.   They both had their swords so there's probably a DPP officer somewhere swearing," Harry quipped.

"Probably.  Did we see anything about these new neighbors?"

"They don't like gay people," Draco said.  "The security guards warned us about that."

"Then they should move out of Miami," Don said dryly.  "How long ago, Harry?"

"Twenty or twenty-five minutes."

"Sam and Dean?"

"Kicked us out of the kitchen."

"Hmm."  He went to check, finding Sam and Dean at the alternate house gathering fruit.  "Are you guys doing dinner?"

"If Xander isn't, we can," Sam offered with a grin.  "Long day?"

"Very long day."  He went to change, coming out to find Ryan stomping into the house.  "Did you lose my boy?"

"No.  He's out back swearing and throwing a fit.  I'm getting out of the way by going to shower off the goo."

"Good."  He walked out there, staring at his boy having a hopping and ranting fit.  "Hey," he called quietly.  Xander turned to look at him, looking pissed.  "You okay?  Need medical support from Adam?"

"No."  He moved closer.  "It was nasty and it tried to grope."

"C'mon, I'll help you shower it off.  Sam offered to do dinner."  Xander nodded, walking inside with his sword.  The rest of the stuff floated in after them.  Don stared at it.  "He's mine and staying mine.  Even if you are crushing on him for whatever reason."  The stuff sat down and the feeling of being watched stopped.  "We really need to protect the house against them."

Xander nodded.  "I'm looking."

"Good."  He stripped his boy and took him to the shower to help him bathe.  It was sweet the way Xander let him stroke him with the sponge but wouldn't let him play with him this time.  "You don't want worn out?"

"I need to help the boys."

"I can help the boys.  So can Sam and Dean," he reminded him.  Xander rested against his shoulder.  "I've got you.  It's been a long day.  You can nap.  We'll save you some dinner if we can defend it from Dean's galactic sized stomach."  Xander grinned but let Don finish scrubbing him down and rinsing him.  He walked them out to dry them off, taking Xander out to tuck him into bed.  Danny was in there changing.  "The last asshole was mean."

"Hmm."  He took a kiss.  "You nap.  We've got dinner and stuff."  He left to make sure about the dinner part, finding Sam cooking.  "You can actually cook?"

"I lived off campus with my girlfriend," Sam reminded him quietly.  Danny gave him a back pat.  Sam grinned.  "It's fine.  It's been a long day it seems like."

"Get the sucker?"

"And talked the patrol guys out of busting us for digging them up to salt and burn.  Then we almost got stopped for driving too fast.  Fortunately a hot porsche roared past us so they chased him instead.  It's been a long day."

"For us too," Danny agreed.  "You two need help studying tonight?"

"We can amuse ourselves for hours on end," Harry promised.

"Good.  We're all probably going to collapse in front of the tv."

Dean walked out of the alternate house and sniffed, then walked back into it and sniffed.  He came out and opened the back door.  "Boys, outside.  Now."  They walked outside.

"I feel less tired," Harry realized.  He pulled his wand to check, making Draco nearly freak out.  "To them we're a book, Draco.  Calm down."  He frowned.  "Not a spell but I think it's a gas."

Dean came out to check the house, finding the air conditioning unit had something on it.  "Sammy, get them out of the house with the pets," he ordered.  Sam turned off the stove and moved everyone outside.  Don had the ferrets.  Danny had Xander.  "Are you two feeling light headed or anything?" he asked, finding his cellphone to call it in.  He had Horatio's number on speed dial still.

"No, I'm fine," Draco said.  He looked at the ferrets.  "What are their names?"

"Beauty is the white one.  George is the normal ferret colored one," Sam said, letting him see.  "The same demon that gave us two pregnant horses gave him two extra ferrets and that alternate house."  Horatio drove in and parked, getting out to jog over to look at the canister.  "Horatio, it made us kind of tired.  The boys don't seem to be affected."

"Alexx is coming.  Let her make that decision, Sam."  He frowned, closing the valve and taking it off the unit.  "That should help."  He found another one and frowned.  "This one has a timer."

Dean got him some tools, handing them over.  "There you go.  Don't blow up the house or Xander will pout."

"I'm sure he would," he agreed calmly.  He got to work on that one while other officers pulled in.  "Get that canister and this one to CSI immediately," he ordered.  He freed the last one and handed it over.  "The timer wasn't connected to an explosive."  He nodded, taking them off carefully.  He stood up, looking at the family.  "Someone get Xander some clothes.  Harry, get your owl."

"She's in a cherry tree."  He pointed.  "She's having fun hunting mice and small prey."

"All right."  He called Steve.  "Steve, Horatio.  Someone tried to gas the boys' home.  Yes, that one.  No, I think he's letting the manager have the house on the farm and the one in the woods had a leak during the last storm.  That is what I need, yes.  Will that new loft hold all of them?"  He smiled.  "Didn't think so since it was intended for Mr. Wolfe.  Please do and let me know where so we can have them escorted."  The neighborhood security guys rushed in.  He pointed.  "Has anyone else found a canister on their air conditioner?"

"No, Lieutenant," the head guy said.  "We haven't had any reports of anything like that.  The only complaint we've had in days is the new back neighbor said Xander got a bit loud the other day but we're told he doesn't particularly like gay people."

"That's his problem.  We were here first," Don told him.  "Horatio?"

"You're going to a hotel tonight, Don.  Steve's arranging it."  That got a nod from the detectives.   He looked at the guards.  "We need copies of all security footage."

"Of course.  We don't have one on his back fence anymore.  It broke during that last bad storm."

"He had one arrested the other day for climbing over it," Harry offered.  "But he was climbing over the fence this way instead of leaving."

"He really should have bought that house and turned it into a tree lot," Horatio decided.  He went to check on Xander since Alexx wasn't there yet.  "He's tired?"

"The last kidnaping took a bit out of him," Sam said quietly.  "Not to mention earlier today the officer came to see why Harry and Draco are here plus to tell us that we shouldn't be sparring.  Those sort of things.  We weren't here during that part."

"I'll look into that."  He smoothed a hand over Xander's head, letting Speed take him from Sam since Don and Danny were looking around the house to see if anything else was missing.  "Get his SUV," he told Sam.  "Put the boys, the pets, Xander and yourselves into it.  Dean can drive the Impala.  Don and drive his car."  Sam went to do that.  "Boys, follow Sam with the pets," he ordered.

"To the SUV," Don called.  The dogs rushed that way, sitting at the edge of the driveway while it was backed up.  He grinned at Horatio.  "It's a useful command.  He likes to take them to be groomed."  He looked at the house then at him.  "Tell us where.  The boys can guard him for a few."

"Is anything missing?"

"Not that I can tell," Don said, holding up something.  "But someone was here."

Horatio took the small device to look at.  "Interesting camera setup."  He put it into a bag, handing it to Speed.  "Chase that."

"On it."  He took it to look over, plus to see if the AV tech could trace the signal it was putting out somehow.

"I think we should talk to this new neighbor.  See if he's aware of someone coming over his fence the other day."  He walked off, Frank Tripp following him.  Don couldn't because this was his house.  Frank could bust the guy if he needed to be beaten or arrested.  They worked well together.

"Dean, call Steve, find out where.  Take the Impala to backup Sammy and the boys.  Take them wherever.  We'll meet you in a few hours."  Dean nodded, jogging for his car, calling Steve on the way.  Don went back to help search the house.  Someone was going to pay for this.  At the very least Xander was going to throw a fit that someone had violated their house again.

***

Draco looked around the suite, then at Sam.  "My family's traveled extensively but never in this sort of luxury.  Even when my father demands the best rooms in the establishment."

"This is Miami, Draco.  We do things more flashy down here."  He pointed.  "You two have a double room.  Please don't fight?"

"We can keep it inside for a bit," Harry promised.  He let the ferret that was playing with him into the cage, making it squeak at him.  "Sorry but the kingdom is at home and we're not.  You can travel in this one."

"Like at the conventions," Dean agreed.  He slid in water, food, and the litter box.  It made them happy ferrets.  "Sammy, did you turn off the stove?"

"Yeah, I did that."  The boys went to check out the rooms.  "Xander asleep?"

"Still.  Snoring.  I take it the last one was bad?"

"Probably.  He and Ryan both took a shower."  He looked around.  "I'll never get used to this.  They nearly fell over Xander."

"Think Xander owns some stock?" Dean teased.

"It's possible.  He might've won it in a poker game."   They laughed but made sure the suite was secure.  Xander was napping.  The boys were staring at the tv, watching some rap ho dance against a pole.  "Ah, hos," Sam said dryly.  "Real women aren't like that, guys.  That's only to entice, not to touch or to have and hold."

"Some girls are that slutty and easy but you have to be careful not to get skanks," Dean agreed.

Sam snorted.  "You'd know."  Dean slugged him on the arm.  "Ow!  Jerk."

"Shut up, bitch.  You're fine."  He walked off to see who was coming up the hall.  He peeked out then opened the door for Ray.  "Hey."

"Hey.  Xander all right?"

"Asleep.  He was tired from the last problem."

"I heard that."  He went to check on him, coming out to look at them.  "Good enough.  You guys settle in.  Danny and Don'll be here soon.  Tomorrow you'll get other protection."

"Why?" Dean asked.

"They found six cameras in the house."  Dean glared.  "We don't know who yet.  Just keep it calm.  Keep it in here if possible."  They nodded.  "Good.  We're seeing if it's a fan or not.  If not, then we'll defeat it faster.  If it is, it might take some Xander-ism treatment."

"We'll do what we have to do," Sam promised.  That got a nod and Ray left them alone.  He looked at the clock then at the note Steve had left them.  "Dean, he left us credit.  Order room service if no one's bringing dinner."

"Sure."  He looked at the menu, calling Don while he did that.  "Steve left credit for dinner.  Are you picking it up or should we order you something?"  He smirked.  "Really?  That's interesting.  Sure, I can do that.  How long?"  He nodded.  "That's cool with us, Don.  Be safe."  He hung up.  "Xander owns half of a restaurant up the street.  Danny's getting dinner on his way over."

"When did he do that?"

"Steve suggested he invest and diversify."  He smirked evilly.  "He also owns a few of the shops we ended up at a lot."

"Very interesting strategy."  He shrugged and they settled in to wait on Danny.  The rap ho hour was apparently on because the next video had some scantily clad girl writhing on the hood of a Bently.  "Shades of Whitesnake."

"Hey, that was a classic," Dean defended.

"The girl on the hood of the car?  Kind of.  The songs?  Not so much," Sam countered.

"Idiot."

"Prick."

"You two fight more than we do," Draco pointed out.

"They're brothers," Harry told him with a small shrug.  "They seem to like it."

"Hey, it beats Gibbs' head smacks," Dean told them.

"True, that was not comfortable," Harry admitted, brushing down his hair again.  "He was very stealthy for a man his age."

"In his case it's wear and tear, not age," Sam told him.  "The same as Tony's just a few years older than Dean."

"Huh."  He looked amused.  "Why did they look so tired?"

"Cases," Dean said.  "They're federal agents in an investigative agency.  They've had some overnight cases."

Sam nodded.  "Though I still wish they had brought Abby.  You probably would've liked her."

"Probably," Dean agreed.  "And Garcia.  There's a woman who likes to spoil."

"Maybe the next pet Xander adopts will try to have her in his harem too," Sam said.

"Huh?" Harry asked.

"Somewhere when he was learning the dance stuff, Xander picked up a baby dragon he named Hubert.  Hubert liked to adopt geeks into his harem when he was out and about.  Don Epps, you met him at the convention, right?"  Harry nodded.  "His brother's a major math brain.  Abby's a forensic goddess; she's a whole lab of what Horatio's people do all by herself.  Garcia's a computer genius.  Plus Hubert adopted one of Angel's geeks from the protection crew in LA right before the invasion.  When he left, we got the whole harem together again for him and then we sent him to a dragon heavy world where Xander spotted a step-mom for him."

"Your dragons must be a bit different than ours. Our baby dragons bite and things."

"Xander hand-raised Hubert," Sam said dryly.

"Oh.  That might explain it then."

Draco stared at Harry.  "When have you seen a baby dragon?"

"Hagrid got given an egg our first year.  That night we got caught out of bed we were sending him off to Ron's brother's preserve.  Norbert flamed and bit and scratched all the time until we had to send him off."

"Do you enjoy getting into that sort of trouble, Potter?"

Harry shrugged.  "I didn't have anything to do with it, Malfoy.  We went to talk to Hagrid and found the egg hatching in his cauldron."

Draco rolled his eyes.  "You're all loonies.  I thought that was Ravenclaws."

Harry hit him on the arm.  "I am not.  If I was, I'd be giggling at Trelawany."

"Whatever as the host says," Draco shot back.

"You two are starting to sound like us," Dean pointed out.  "Kiss and make up, boys."

"Eurgh," Harry complained, giving him a disgusted look.  "No!"

Draco laughed.  "The look on your face, Potter.  Don't like boys?  That's the rumor going around."

"I've only tried toys so far, Malfoy.  That way I know what I'm doing but I have some control until I take that final step and it's the way my body prefers to be worn out."

Draco gaped.  "You're still a virgin?" he demanded.  "Why!"

"Not like I've had time to go find a girlfriend and shag her," he said blandly.

"You could have after the Triwizard ball."

"Um, no, I couldn't."

"Yes, you could have.  She would have if you had asked."

"Malfoy, he's a bit developmentally behind due to some stresses on his body," Sam said patiently.  "There's a reason why your hormones started a few years ago and his only started after the holidays last year."

Draco gaped at Harry.  "Seriously?"

"Not my fault.  My body's a bit screwed up about that sometimes."

"We noticed you looked gaunt a few years ago."

Harry nodded.  "My cousin was on a diet so we all were on a diet."

"It was nice you've gained weight finally," Xander said as he walked out yawning.  "What's going on now?"

"No idea yet.  Danny's on his way up once he's got dinner from your place."  Xander gave him a confused look.  "The one you invested in."

"I don't get free food from them."

"I'm sure he knows that," Sam said, pulling him down to give him a cuddle.  Xander snuggled in.  "You should still be sleeping if you're this tired."

"I want to know what's going on."

"Danny should be here in another ten minutes.  Go clean up," Dean ordered.

"Yes, big brother Dean."  He trudged that way, stopping in the doorway of the bathroom.  "Crappy tub."  He shrugged and went in to use the toilet and splash his face with water anyway.  He'd manage with the tub from planet plain people later.  It only had one shower head in the shower.  This was supposed to be a luxury suite.  Yeah, he was spoiled.

He came out when the door opened, admitting Danny and Don.  "Food," Danny said, holding up the boxes.

"Anything good?" Sam asked.

"Not bad looking.  We'll have to see on taste."  Don closed the door, checking the animals.  "We all here?"  Dean pointed at the bedroom.  Don found his puppies on the bed.  "Good."  He took a kiss from Xander.  "Morning."

"What's going on?"

"The neighbor out back had a shrine to you.  Horatio had him arrested for questioning about the gas and the cameras.  Last I heard he admitted to having the cameras planted but not the gas.  They're going over his stored videos to see what he caught and if he caught the guy who broke in.  Plus the guy who did the gas on the A/C unit."

"Crap.  How many more days?"

"Two or three.  We emptied the safe so Ryan and Eric could take the stuff and hide it for us until we can get back."  Xander nodded, leaning against him.  "Come eat then we'll go nap.  Why are you so tired?"

"No clue, just am."  He yawned again.  Danny kissed him during it.  "I needed that oxygen," he complained but he was smiling.

"He tastes like he's sick, Don."

Don tested his forehead.  "You do feel a bit warm.  Go tuck yourself in and we'll bring dinner in there."

"I'll be fine."

"Quit complaining."  Xander snuggled into Danny's side to figure out which box was his.  Danny handed it over with a smirk.  "They said you liked it when I mentioned that you had recommended the place."

"I go in now and then for lunch to check the quality.  He's paying me back for my investment."

"Good.  It's a good plan, plus it gives it a safe place to rest.  Steve set it up?"  Xander nodded, opening his box to inhale the scent of the lasagna.

Draco opened his, looking at it.  "What is this?"

"Shrimp with a light garlic sauce over pasta with some vegetables cooked with it."

Draco poked at a shrimp.  "What animal is a shrimp?"

"You've never had fish and seafood?" Don asked.

"Father hated fish."  He looked.  "Is it good?"

"Fairly subtle," Sam told him.  "It's good, if not I'll switch off because I've got pasta with plain veggies."  Draco nibbled one and decided to keep it.  Sam dug into his.  "Thanks, Danny."

"Welcome, Sam.  Dean, we know you can eat a whole cow so you got a steak."  Dean beamed, taking his box.  Harry got his.  "Went for simple, Harry.  Spaghetti bolignase."

Harry inhaled and moaned.  "That smells good."  He took his fork to dig in.  He even moaned at it.  "I need to finish learning how to cook.  Can Xander do this?"

Don nodded.  "He makes a really good version.  The sauce is a bit less spicy."

"I'll ask him to teach me."

"You can cook?" Draco asked, looking confused.

"My aunt insisted that I do it instead of her," he said simply, stuffing his mouth again.

"Putting it nicely," Don snorted.  Harry shot him a glare so he just grinned back.  "Learn all you want about cooking from Xander, Harry.  He's a good cook."

"He's a great cook," Dean told them.  "I'm going to get so fat.  Last time my jeans didn't fit for weeks of mediocre diner food."

"You could settle down to hunt a specific area instead of all over," Don reminded him.

"I'm not ready for that yet.  We had to tell the other hunters that the demons wanted us because of Xander when they heard.   We're the next best thing."

"I thought that was my spot," Harry teased.

"You're tied with us," Sam agreed with a small smile.  "Anything going on good at home?"

"No," Draco said.  "The Dark Lord's said to be furious about him leaving the realm.   The light side's people are thinking that he won't be able to fulfill the prophecy."

"How long have you known about that?" Harry asked, staring at him.

"Since I was about ten and my father heard there was one.  As an official, he could have it told to him but not claim it."

"I only heard about it in my fifth year," he complained.

Draco stared at him.  "The headmaster is the one who banked it."

"I know that now."  He grimaced.  "There's been a lot of things I haven't heard about yet."

"Probably," Draco agreed cautiously.  "Why ask me?"

"Because you seem to know more than I do."

"It's being a pureblood."

"It's more that people are keeping things from me," Harry corrected.  "How else can you explain the dismal failures we've had in Defense teachers for the first six years?"

"Well.....  I can't.  Lupin was good even though he's damaged that way."

"Watch it," Harry warned.  "He's my uncle."

Draco gave him an odd look.  "Really?"  Harry nodded.  "Why?"

"He was one of my parents' best friends.  Him and Sirius and Peter Pettigrew."

"That name I know well," he said dryly.

"You know Sirius as well since your mum's a Black."

"The shame of that lives on," Draco agreed.  "Did he do it?"

"Pettigrew did."

"Figures the Ministry bollixed that up too."  He shrugged.  "Power hungry people."

"Yes, Fudge is.  So are you half the time."

"Yes but now I have to consolidate that to keep my arse from being gifted," Draco said dryly.

"Get married," Danny told him.  "Instant non-gifting if you use a way to prevent straying."

"Blood vows are abhorrent and not done by purebloods.  Beyond that, I'd have to find a suitable wife or my father would simply kill her before she brought forth a defective Malfoy heir."

"Will your father survive the war?" Don asked him.

Draco slumped.  "I have no idea.  My mother seems to be going along with his idea of offering me to the highest bidder to raise us even higher up.  She was hoping for nobility."

"I'm not taking you to bed," Xander said bluntly.  Draco gaped.  He shrugged.  "Technically I do have a royal title that's well known throughout the demon world.  Four or five actually from where I've destroyed things.  Including a whole realm of vampires."

Draco's mouth fell open as far as it could until Harry nudged his chin.  Then he swallowed.  "How did that happen?"

"He wanted my ass.  I used to hunt vampires.  I staked him and took over the throne, fixed the problems of the realm, cured a small civil revolt, then walked away from it.  The others I've mostly destroyed everything there but I was the last one to say I didn't want the place.  So I ended up with it."  He looked at Danny.  "Remind me to auction those off sometime soon."

"I can do that," he agreed.  He stuffed his mouth before he said anything.  Harry, the plate saver, saved Draco's dinner from sliding off his lap.  "He's really impressive when you mess up his hair," he said dryly.  "They kept trying to."

Draco shut his mouth firmly and went back to eating.  "I'll make sure my mother doesn't suggest you, Xander."

"I'd wear you out, kid."  He smirked.  "I do these two all the time."  Don nodded, earning a pinch.  "I haven't gotten to wear you out for weeks."

"Blame all the drunk teenagers who come down here to do stupid shit and die," Don reminded him.

"I could get that island back, make it a spring break haven."  He grinned.  "Make all the kids going to Cancun and things go there instead."

"No evil empire thoughts," Danny reminded him.

"Yes, Danny."

"Thank you," Don agreed.  "And no more poker either."

"Even if we need to know who placed the cameras?"

"Let the lab do its job and then we'll see if you need to ask any thugs questions."

"Thugs?" Draco asked.  "He associates with thugs?"

"I played poker with the underground in Miami and won quite a lot of money that they couldn't use for bad things," Xander said proudly.

Draco gave him an odd look, then looked at Danny.  "It didn't impact your job?"

"We complained a lot and made him finally stop."

"Ares said I could go back when you guys got sucked into overtime again," Xander said with a grin.

"I guess that means one of us has to quit," Danny told Don.  Who nodded.  Xander pouted.  "We'll figure it out, Xander.  Finish up."  Xander finished eating and let his boys take him to bed.  "Night, boys."

"Night," Sam called with a wave.  "You two go to bed when you're tired."  They nodded.  He looked at Dean.  "That leaves one king sized bed for us or the couch."

"I'll take first watch and wake you up when I'm tired."

Sam nodded, heading for the bed once he had a shower.   Harry and Draco watched a few more dancing girls then went to bed.  Dean set the tv on VH-1 Classic to get his decent music back.  He had no idea how anyone could stand rap music.

***

Xander walked into the station dressed up.  He had nothing else since he wasn't allowed in the house yet.  He walked up to the receptionist, earning a smile.  "Is Horatio here?  I need into my house again."

"Why can't you get into your house, Xander?"

"Someone tried to gas us the other night and had cameras in it."

She stared.  "Did they find out who?"

"The cameras.  Not the gas.  I need to or else I've got to shop and Danny said no personal shopping until I clean out the closets again."

She dialed Horatio's phone, getting him.  "Lieutenant, Xander is here wondering when he can get into his house."  She listened.  "He said Danny won't let him shop, sir."  He said something else so she handed over the phone.

"It's my house, Horatio."  He listened to the reasonable reasons.  Then he huffed.  "Fine, I'll go find them like I did the thieves who stole the stuff after the LA convention."  He hung up and walked out shaking his head.  He ran into Frank, patting him on the cheek.  "Is the new chief going to let me spoil you guys with dinner?"

"Don't know yet.  They're being picked this week.  Where are you going?"

"To find out who tried to kill us."  He slid into his SUV, heading downtown.   He saw the cop car tailing him and snorted.  "That won't work, Eric."  He sped up through a light and turned down a street he didn't intend to take.  Then he headed for another way to his favorite place for information.  A small stall in the local Farmer's Market.  He parked and got out, heading inside.  He bought himself something to drink, casually heading that way.  The owner of the stall saw him and his eyes went wide.  Xander strolled over.  The guy started to move.  "You make me run, pounce, and get dirty in this outfit, you pay for the dry cleaning," he warned.  The guy sat down, staring at him.  "So, the gas attached to my A/C unit?"  He sipped his tea.

"All I heard was an anti-gay thing and the neighbor behind you had a love/hate thing going.  He'd love to hate you but you make him want to bend over and take it, but he hates that about himself."

"Hmm.  So separate hate crime wannabes or together?"

"As far as I know separate.  The neighbor may have heard something about the first people's plans but I don't think he was part of it."

"Interesting.  Who are these first people?"

"That I have no clue about, Harris."  Xander stared him down.  "I don't.  Honest."

Xander bought something small to nibble on.  "Tell Horatio if you hear?"

"I can do that.  Are you guys safe?  I know you've got two new students in."

Xander nodded.  "We're living in the lap of luxury but it has a semi-suitable bathroom."  He took another bite and sipped his tea.  "Anything else I should know?"

"I heard that the group may have an officer who's a member."

Xander nodded.  "That makes a shitload of sense.  Thanks."  He kissed him on the forehead.  "Play safely."

"I try."  He watched the boy go.  That was easier than he had thought.  Harris hadn't even went to Fu's yet.  Though, since he saw a crime lab hummer outside maybe he hadn't wanted to bust a more illegitimate source.

***

Xander walked into an office in the headquarters downtown, knocking on the door before opening it.  The man inside stared at him in horrified shock.  "If I give you information that an officer is part of a gay bashing group that put gas canisters on my A/C unit to kill all of us and my two very *normal* students, would you take them down or would you rather I beat the shit out of them and then make fun of them for being beaten by a gay man?"

Stetler cleared his throat.  "Who?  You have actual proof?"  Xander walked in and shut the door, handing over the tapes.  He listened to them, blinking up at him.  "Are you playing poker again?"

"Non-thug but I'm not allowed to go back until my boys get overloaded on overtime again."  He smiled sweetly.  "My two students are very normal."

"Hell," he muttered.  "This is enough to question."

"It appears the guy with the cameras knew."

"Why not take this to Caine?"

"It's one of his station's people.  It'd create a conflict for Don.  You're an ass but more impersonal.  I haven't fed you like I did that assmuncher."

"I guess that's a good point.  Did you know Messer got a present the other day to give you up?"

"Yeah, he told me about the box of buffalo steaks."  Stetler shuddered.  "And the life size blow up doll someone left in his locker that Horatio thought was a prank."

"Let me look into it."

"I'd like to go home by tomorrow or else I've got to shop and my boys don't want me to."

"If I can, Harris."

"Thank you."  He walked off, putting on his sunglasses once he was outside.  Dean was leaning against his car.  "I found who was doing it and turned it in."

"Thankfully we have the GPS chip on your hair things."  Xander just grinned.  "We're out at the farm."

"I could like that but I'm not really dressed for riding."

"You'll figure it out, Xander."  They got in and he drove him that way, letting Xander stop to pick up something at a store.  He came out wearing a skin-tight leather outfit and new boots.  "There's no way you can bend over in that."

"It's meant for bending and groaning into."  He let Dean feel the sleeve.  "It's very thin."

"That'll keep you from sweating to death."  He drove them out there, mentally shaking his head.  Xander found some of the strangest stuff at kink shops.  They parked and got out, watching as Draco nearly drooled on himself when he saw Xander.  "He couldn't ride in what he was wearing," he said dryly.

"Do you have any circulation in that?" Harry asked.

"It's very thin, supple leather," he said with a smirk.  He let Harry feel.  "See?"

"It's nice but probably a bit warm down here.  Steve has the pets before you can ask."

"That's fine.  Pride!" he called.  His horse came trotting up.  "Wanna go for a ride, big guy?"  His horse nearly nuzzled him off his feet. "Let me get your tack.  Dean, Sam, take Duchess and Countess.  Both Princesses are better trained and I doubt Draco can ride."

"Yes, Xander," they agreed.  They walked the horses back to the barn, getting them saddled no matter how much Duchess didn't want to be ridden today.   Sam took her because he was a bit lighter.  Dean got Countess.  Harry and Draco got the saddled Princesses.  They rode off into the woods, Sam moving up beside Harry while Dean got Draco to help him.

"Relax," Dean ordered quietly.  "She's an experienced war mare.  I learned how to ride on them too.  So did Harry."  Draco nodded.  "Relax your hands.  Her mouth is sensitive to the bar behind her teeth and you're pulling her head back."  Draco relaxed his grip on the reins, letting the horse guide him.  "Good job.  Now, speed up a bit?"  Draco gave him a horrified look.  "It's fine.  Do what Xander's doing, Draco."  He watched him then Dean nudged Princess on the side, making her move into a trot.  Draco refused to admit that he squeaked.  "Up and down, kid."  Draco did that, and it was more comfortable once he was in the rhythm.  "Good job.  If we speed up more, just go with the motion.  No posting then."  Draco nodded quickly.  "Good.  Harry, you good?"

"We're fine, Dean."  He grinned.  "I'm finally getting used to it."

"Good job," Sam agreed.  "Dean and I both spent our first few post-riding times trying hard not to sit."  Harry laughed.  "Really."  He sped up to match Xander's speed.  Harry squeaked as Princess sped up.  Draco nearly squealed.  "Just relax, Draco," Sam ordered. "People did this for centuries and I'm sure there was a knight or someone in your past."

"Not in quite a while.  My family likes being dark little blighters."

"It makes the hair stand out more," Dean joked.

Draco glared at him. "Not my fault both my parents are blonds."

"Nope, we don't get to pick our parents."  He nodded.  "Relax your back before it starts to ache."  Draco finished relaxing, letting the horse guide him.  "If she jumps, follow along," he ordered.  "Go with the motion."  Draco nodded quickly.  He got to snicker when Harry yelped in fear when his horse jumped a log.  His own detoured thankfully.  It was good to get out of the hotel.

***

Steve walked up to Don's desk, handing over the dog's leash.  "Kiss is a pervert.  She tried to climb into my date's dress with her."  He walked off shaking his head.

Don looked at his dog.  "Was she at least pretty, Kiss?"  His dog lapped and barked, wagging her tail once she was sitting again.  "I guess we'll train you away from girls.  Lay down."  She laid down, watching those around him. "Good girl."  He tossed down a chip he had been nibbling on and got back to work.  "Where's the other mutt?"

"Probably better behaved?" Frank guessed.

"Possibly."  Kiss jumped up and growled at something, making them look at the empty spot.  "Hmm.  What's wrong, girl?"  It lunged and someone yelped, becoming visible.  "Willow Rosenburg.  Why are you here and being invisible?"

"We felt Xander going across realms.  I was hoping he wasn't stolen again.  I was just checking on him."  She let the dog sniff her but it was still growling.  "Chill, doggy.  I'm a nice people."

"Down, Kiss."  She sat, still watching her.  "She's very protective of Xander."

"I'm sure she is.  Is Xander all right?  He's not at home.  There's actually dust."

"We had to evacuate for a few days because someone put some gas on the A/C unit."

"Any idea who?" she asked.

"Hate crime gone wild," Frank said.  "Aren't you still wanted on a few crimes?"  She squeaked and disappeared.  Kiss growled and moved closer, grabbing something in her teeth and pulling.  Willow reappeared and had to let go of whatever she was pulling on.  "Shoo, Rosenburg.  We've got Xander quite well."

"Fine.  Can I meet his new students since they reek of magic?"

"Nope," Don told her.  "We're making sure they don't get addicted to their powers or anything."

"Fine."  She disappeared and the dog laid down, chewing on the thing she had stolen.  Don traded it for another chip, tossing it at Frank.  Kiss got up to sniff Frank but he only handed over a cookie.  The dog was happy and went back to guarding the daddy.

Frank looked at the thing.  "Looks like a little carved statue."  He covered it and went invisible.  "Now I get it."  He put it into his desk but it went invisible.  He took it out and walked it off to Horatio.  "Here, Rosenburg gave it to Don when Kiss stole it."  He walked off again.

Horatio noticed the dog.  "Kiss, what are you doing here?"  He let the dog sniff him and get a few ear scratches.  "Go back to daddy, Kiss."  The dog sniffed but followed Frank back, Horatio following to make sure he was all right.  "Why is the dog here?"

"Steve said she tried to nuzzle into his date's dress," Don said with a grin.  "You cover it, you go invisible."

"Good to know."

"Kiss sensed her and growled until she became visible.  Then when she supposedly disappeared," Frank told him.

"Even better.  Good girl, Kiss."  He petted him again.  "You could take her back to the hotel, Don."

"No one's there.  Sam left a message saying they were headed for a ride."

"I suppose that's reasonable then.  Hopefully we'll know soon."  He spotted Rick Stetler waiting.  "She needed her father.  Is there a problem, Rick?"

"I know a bit more about who put that gas canister on the air conditioning unit."  He held up the transcripts of the tapes.

"How did we find this out?" Don asked.

"He said if you did it, it might look bad on you since the person he thinks it was has been fed by him a number of times."

"I see," Horatio said, taking the folder from him to read over.  He grimaced.  "That is very good to know.  Thank you, Rick.  I'll handle it."

"If that's true, it's my job."

"You can both do it, just don't make the dog growl at you again," Frank complained.  Kiss was staring at Stetler like he was a steak.  "Go lay down, dog."

"Kiss," Don ordered, patting his leg.  Kiss ignored him and went to sniff this new person, then attached herself to his leg.

"Get off me," Stetler growled.  Kiss growled back and humped harder.  "Flack!"

"Kiss, get off him!" he snapped.  His dog slunk back.  "I know you're fixed so what was that?  And for that matter, you're a girl, you don't hump legs."  He looked at Stetler.  "No clue.  Sorry.  I know very well she's fixed.  She was fixed when we got her from the pound."

"Take her home."

"We're in a hotel."  Stetler stomped off.  "Really sorry!" he called, shrugging a bit at Frank's amused look.  Horatio was trying hard not to laugh.  He looked at his dog.  "Did he smell like a bitch in heat?" he teased quietly, making Horatio and Frank both break and walk off snickering to find that officer.  He loved his dogs.  Xander would get a kick out of this story.

Speed and Eric walked over, looking at the dog.  "You have bad taste, puppy," Speed told her, giving her a pet.  "You should head home, Don.  The new chief is in."

"Not my fault we're in a hotel."

"Good point," Eric said.

"Plus she can drug sniff.  She's in training."

"If you can make it fly," Speed offered.  "Horatio?"

"Getting the officer who was involved in the gas thing."

"Good.  How did we find out?" Eric asked.  "I tracked Xander to a farmer's market for lunch."

"He's got a contact in there that used to be an undercover officer," Don said.  Eric slapped himself on the head.  "Let me take her outside to water the bushes."  He got up and his dog bounced up, looking attentive.  "Let's go outside, Kiss."  He walked his chocolate lab that way.  The new Chief ran into him in the entryway.  "Sorry, but with the gas canister someone put on our air conditioner we're in a hotel for a few days.  She's doing good with her drug sniffing training though.  She's been very good so far with me, sir."  He let the dog outside, watching her sniff and take off after an officer.  "Get off him!" he yelled.  The dog knocked the officer down and growled at his throat.  One of the K-9 officers rushed out.  "She's in training.  Like Spots was.  What's the command?" he asked, unable to pull Kiss off him.

"Off, Kiss," the officer commanded.  The dog sat down beside him.  "Good girl.  Take your master to play with you."

"She's learning drug sniffing.  Hershey is learning explosives sniffing," Don offered.

"We can check him for it, Flack.  She's nearly as good as Spots was.  Take her to play."  Don took the dog off to the side of the building to play with her, making her a happy puppy for doing her job well.  He patted the guy down, putting things aside.  Horatio came out to look at the stuff.  "Sir, Kiss pounced and growled in an appropriate manner."  His own dog was growling lightly as well.

Horatio pointed.  "That's a det cord."

"He said this one was drug sniffing."

"It's possible they've cross-trained them a few times.  It's another matched set."

"Kiss is a pretty dog."  He stood up, hauling up the officer.  "Want him, Lieutenant?"

"Please.  Mr. Wolfe, please bag this for me while we find out why he had det cord?"

Don brought Kiss back, watching her sniff the guy's shirt.  He was bouncing up to sniff him then sitting down.  "That's very helpful, Kiss.  Good girl."  He scratched her ears, getting a doggy groan and a loving pet again.  "Should we do a building search?"

"Now," Horatio agreed.  The K-9 officer and his dog headed to do a perimeter sweep.  He looked at the officer.  "I don't recognize you and your ID pin is the wrong color."  He walked him inside.  "Excuse us, Chief, but Kiss found him with explosives on him outside, hurrying out of the parking lot.  People, we're doing a building search," he announced.  "Kiss found det cord on this one."  The officers moved to handle it while he made the man sit in the nicest interrogation room.  "This way if we get blown up, so do you."  He smirked.  "Unless you tell me where they are."

"I'm not telling you anything!"

"I'm sure you're not.  With how sweaty you are, I'd say we have a timer situation."

"You'll die too!" he shouted.

Horatio nodded.  "My lover will grieve but we'll be fine until he follows."  The man looked disgusted.  "Now, where are they before *you* die."

"I'm willing to die for what I believe in."

"Me too, young man."  He smirked, sitting down across from him.  The man started to sweat worse.  "Where are they?"

"The...the lab stairs and a few other places!  I can't disconnect the timers."

"Found seven," Frank shouted.

"Is that all of them?" Horatio asked him, seeing the panicked look.  "Frank, at least one more."

"Two," he said quickly.  He got up and Frank took him to point out the areas.  They got the other two out and Bomb Squad got them disabled for him.

Horatio smirked.  "Very nice work, young man.  Now, why are you planting bombs in my crime lab and their homicide department?"

The man started to stutter.

Frank swatted him on the back.  "You're not a cranky Oldsmobile.  Spit it out."

Horatio smirked.  "That's true, he's not."  He pointed at one of the K-9 officers, getting a nod.  "He was the one who planted them."  The dog took his cue from the handler, starting to growl.  The man nearly pissed himself.  "Why were you doing this?  You can tell me or you can tell your maker after the dog rips out your throat.  Your choice," Horatio said calmly.

"I....i...i..."

"Still not an Olds," Frank said dryly.  The dog growled louder and moved closer, ready to strike.

"To take out all the gays!  You're corrupting the good people of Miami!" he shouted, backing away.  "We can't have you here!"

"Some of us have the highest solve rates in the city," Don said dryly.  "Good job, Cooler."  He tossed down a piece of hamburger from the one he'd gotten his dog from the machine in the break room.  The handler smiled.  "Had to get Kiss a treat.  She's a good dog.  So's yours.  Kiss, you're still fixed," he warned.  Kiss was sniffing tails.  "Sorry, she tried to copulate with Stetler a few minutes before she found that guy."

"She was redeeming herself from the disgusting act," Frank said dryly.  He petted the dog.  "We like you, Kiss."  The other dog got one too.  "Good poochy."  The handler smiled, walking his dog off.  He looked at the idiot.  "You know, plenty of us here aren't gay.  Though he's right, the gay officers do have a lot better solve rate."

"They're still dirtying the system!  That one lives in vile *sin* with his lovers!"

"You know what?  Can I let Xander hormone him before he goes to jail, boss?" he asked Horatio with a grin.

"That might be considered cruel and unusual punishment, but I'll suggest it, Don."  He handed him over to Stetler.  "I doubt he's one of us."

"I don't care.  He leads back to the other one probably.  We found two other officers who had similar problems because they're in a gay thing."  He walked him off.  Kiss was watching.  "Flack, take your heathen beast back to the hotel," he snapped.

"Can't for hours yet, Stetler.  Sorry."  He looked at Horatio, who shrugged.  "I still say she's a good dog."  He fed her the rest of the hamburger.  His dog loved him and was such a good girl she deserved the treat.

The new Chief of Police came out and cleared his throat.  "We found them all I'm hoping?"

"All he admitted to planting," Don agreed.  "Cooler went Cujo on him to make him confess.  Stetler walked him off."

"Excellent work by the dogs.  Why was he doing this?"

"He was gay bashing on a larger scale," Speed told him.  He looked at Horatio.  "You're so getting it later," he mouthed.  Horatio just slid back into his sunglasses and walked off.  He looked at the Chief, who looked horrified.  "What?"

"Nothing, Detective...."

"Speedle."

"I see.  I've heard about your work with the lab."  Speed just smirked back.  "We'll be discussing things later once this mess is cleaned up so we can all get back to work."

"Bomb Squad has to check everywhere then let us in," Speed reminded him, heading off after his husband to chew him a new one for that gambit.  He was *so* getting paddled once they got home.

"Hey, Chief, my boyfriend Xander wanted to know if you'd let him start feeding us again.  It really improved morale and he's kinda bored now and then at home with only the new students to cook for."

He looked at him. "He did what?"

"Xander brought in lunch a number of times," Frank said.  "Sometimes just for the lab and Flack here.  Sometimes for the lab and detectives.  A lot of times for the guys on patrol.  He's damn good at spoiling us.  During the rebuild he made us all homemade hot pockets since we were having a busy day.  Made nine dozen so we all got at least one."

The chief nodded.  "Is that going to hamper efficiency or work?"

"We take a break to nibble but most of us eat at our desk anyway," Don pointed out.  "It   gave him a way to spoil the department."

"I'll consider it and talk to the former Chief."

"That's cool.  He knew and liked it most of the time unless he was being fussy about stuff."

"Then I'll definitely ask him.  Your ...boyfriend is a good cook?  Like a chef?"

"No, my boy's housebound because he's GHS," Don corrected.  The chief whimpered.  Don smirked.  "Now and then he gets really naughty but most of the time he's a spoiler."

"I'll ask and see if there were any problems.  Does everyone know about your boyfriend?"

"Anyone here not realize Xander's mine?" Don called.

"No, we all knew," one called back.  "Did you know he went to a kink shop earlier with the dark haired shorter one that he used to teach before heading to the farm in some tight leather thing?"

"Figures.  We're not in the house thanks to someone trying to poison us all.  We won't let him shop."

The officer snickered.  "You're going to be lucky if the horse doesn't take him this time, Flack."

"Eeeh, we'll be fine.   We always manage to get him back somehow."  They all smiled at that.

"How bad was it?" Frank asked.  The officer brought over his phone, letting him see the picture.  "Big fan?" he teased.

"I want my girlfriend to get one."  He let Don see, watching him look amused.  "They headed for the farm."

"There's no way he can ride in something that tight."  He called Sam's phone since Xander's was on the charger still.  "Sam, me.  Is Xander all right?"  He listened to him panting.  "Why are you ...  Need help?"  He nodded.  "Figures.  Someone told me about that.  Oh, not his outfit; they're after you and Dean.  Need help?  Ryan's here."  He nodded at Ryan, who came over to listen to the other side of the phone.  Then he walked off to get into his locker.  Even if the Bomb Squad guys didn't like it.

"Gotta go save Xander and his students," he said.  They let him past.  He got into his locker, coming out with the sword.  He looked up, praying to Ares as he activated the little necklace that would take him wherever Xander was fighting.  He waded into the uneven fight even though Xander was winning.  It never hurt to make it more even.  One berserker against four demons was just unfair to the demons.  Especially when it was Xander.  They came out and reappeared at the station a few hours later.  "The horses got put up?" he asked the person in there.  Danny nodded slowly.  "Good.  Draco, bathroom is behind you if you want to puke."  He went to do that.  Harry too.  "Dean, Sam, clean up and we'll head home.  Where's the cars?"

"The Impala should be outside," Sam said weakly, sitting down.

"Thank you for warping the spell so that it wouldn't land on top of something," Don called into the locker room.  "It nearly hit H's hummer."

"Oops," Dean said, shrugging a bit.  "We're exhausted."

"We'll bring the Impala  home, Dean," Danny promised.  "I'll drive your baby and you can ride for now."  Draco came out brushing back his now shoulder length hair.  "Long trip?" he asked.

"Yup," Ryan agreed.  He looked at the boys.  "That's why you want to keep out of backlog."  They both nodded hard at that.  "And why you want to date someone who has some self-defense skills, guys."  He walked them out.  "The SUV here?"

"Nope.  At the farm," Don admitted. "All the horses are up.  They're too used to Xander disappearing.  They didn't even call when they came back without people this time.  Just a 'yeah, it happened again, Pride's pissed' comment then they hung up."

Ryan led the boys out, letting Dean and Sam follow behind them with Xander.  Who was nearly asleep on Dean's shoulder.  Dean was almost sleepwalking too.  Frank's 'aww' got echoed a few other times.  "Had to rescue," he said whenever they ran into funny looks.

"Xander needs his own commando unit," one officer joked.

"I think that's why he has those two tall older students," another joked back.  "Plus Wolfe."

Eric walked past them.  "He has more than that to rescue him.  Wolfe wanted a long lunch this time," he said sarcastically.  "And Xander can afford a team of commandos for many years to come."  They blushed, ducking away from him.  "I might suggest that though.  It'd help Harry."  He went back to work, watching them leave out the window.

Danny got Dean into the passenger's seat, taking the keys out of the trunk's lock on his way around.  He watched Ryan get the boys and Sam into his car.  Xander was standing outside making small pathetic noises.  "Xander, into the Impala," he said gently.  Xander opened the door and didn't seem to see Dean but he crawled into his lap to snuggle and sleep that way.  "Okay.  I doubt we'll get busted for seat belt law abuse."  He put his on anyway and started the car, admiring the engine.  Dean's baby ran great.  He knew the only reason he was getting to drive was Dean was exhausted enough to sleep and so was Sam.  Maybe he should talk Xander into getting one of the newer Impalas.  He backed out carefully and headed off.  He did get pulled over.  The officer walked up to the side of the car, staring at him.  "They're exhausted."

"Drunk?"

Danny pulled out his badge.  "It's the one on the bottom's car.  The one on top is my boyfriend.  They were rescued again."

"Oh, that must be Harris then."  Danny nodded, putting his ID into his shirt pocket.  "I guess there's no way to use the belt around them.  Looked kinda funny to me, that's why I pulled you over.  Making sure they weren't drugged."

Xander lifted his head, blinking at him.  "We just got back from the bad demons who wanted to own me instead of dealing with the bad officers who wanted to kill us because we're gay.  Can I nap now?" he asked, still sounding tired, tiny, and pathetic.

"Sure, you nap, sir.  Right home, Messer."

"Going to the hotel.  Gay bashing idiots tried to gas us in the house," he complained, restarting the car and pulling out.

The officer, who was a half demon, considered that, calling his wife on the way home.  "Dear, do we know anything about demons who want Harris and gay bashing officers who wanted to kill him?"  He listened to the newest news.  "No wonder he and Winchester looked wasted and cuddly.  Thanks, dear.  I'll be home on time for dinner."  He hung up and went back on patrol.

He had no idea his wife would tell her father, who would tell someone else.  Eventually those gay bashing officers would make good toys for those who wanted Xander safe and theirs.

***

Danny and Don came in the next morning, finding Stetler pacing while laying in wait for them in the lobby.  "What happened this time?" Danny asked.

"Half of the officers we suspect of being in that group that put the gas on your house seem to have disappeared."

Don blinked a few times.  "Wasn't us."

"I didn't figure it was.  I need to talk to someone and I don't have a calling stone anymore."  Don handed over his.  Stetler stomped off to call one of the DPP officers.  Someone had to get his officers back so he could send them to jail.

Danny walked up to where Horatio was watching outside.  "The demons took on the gay bashing guys?" he asked quietly.

"Apparently last night a good many of them were taken from their homes."  He looked at him.  "They were not happy by what little was found."

"Huh.  Stetler's got Don's calling necklace."

"Hopefully this will be solved soon.  I doubt Xander would like to see them kept."

"No, probably not," he agreed.  He called the hotel room, getting Draco.  "Can you tell Xander that his admirers got the idiots who gassed the house?  That Stetler wants them back.  Thanks, Draco."  He hung up.  "He'll tell him when he gets up.  He's still exhausted from yesterday.  Oh, Wolfe's on the couch in the suite."

"That's fine.  You should be able to go home tonight.  The neighbor in the back who was a fan is now leaving.  It was part of the deal he took for no jail time."  He walked off smiling.  This situation might work out all right after all.

Danny looked up, sending a prayer to Ares to please make Strife quit getting so high off their lives.  Then he went to work too.

***

Draco hung up and looked around.  "Xander?" he called, walking toward their bedroom.  He paused when he saw the naked, sleeping, butt-up body on the bed.  "Um, okay."

"What?" Xander mumbled.

"Danny called, said that the demons have the ones who gassed the house.  That someone named Stetler wanted them back?"  He left in a hurry, closing the door.  He had seen things he had not wanted to see.  He had no idea why Xander's butt had a spot of bright purple.  He had no need of those facts or ideas.

Harry looked over at him.  "Xander naked?"  Draco nodded quickly.  "He does that sometimes around the house too when he's too backed up to realize it."

"We had to stop him from going shopping that way a few times," Dean said from his perch in front of the tv.  Someone knocked.  So he got it since he was the awake adult right now.  "Hey, Steve."  He let him in.  "What's up?"

"Xander back?"

"Sleeping naked.  Made Draco blush."

"Why was his arse purple?" Draco blurted, then covered his mouth.

"Have to guess, but probably a butt plug," Dean told him.  He looked at the blushing financial manager.  Draco went to hide in the bathroom.  "So, anyway, we should be able to get back into the house soon."

"Good.  Because we're going to switch his accounts soon again."

"Why?"

"No clue.  The new person at the bank is doing it."

Xander wandered out, running into the door frame on the way.  He blinked at Steve.  "Do not touch the money.  That guy's a bad demon and how they're doing it to me this time."  He wandered past him, going into the bathroom.  Draco squeaked but Xander ignored him and turned on the shower before getting inside.  He blinked as the warm water hit him.  "Draco, did you wake me up with some sort of news?"

He cleared his throat a few times so he wouldn't sound squeaky.  "Um, the idiots who gassed the house were taken by demons?  Someone named Stetler would like them back."

Xander looked up at the ceiling.  "Give them back or I'm coming up there!" he shouted.  "After two six-packs of Mountain Dew."

"That's evil to even the mean demons," Dean called into the bathroom.

"Then I'll dance and make all of you so hard after I apply a cockring spell so you can't ever get off or have spawn that I'll have to deal with."  He felt the tension around him ease.  "Ah, that's better," he sighed, falling back asleep in the water.

Draco hurried out once he was presentable again.  "He's quite odd."

"He's half asleep and backed up, Draco.  We've seen worse.  He nearly enslaved a whole block once."  He heard the snore and sighed, looking around.  "Sammy, your turn.  He's asleep in the shower."

Ryan groaned but got up, heading in there.  "Let me since I'm his backup protector."  He shut the bathroom door so he could pee for a few minutes then he stripped so he could climb in with Xander.  He nuzzled his back.

Xander gave a weak swat.  "Sleeping," he mumbled into the tiles.

"You're in the shower."

"Sleeping," he said more firmly.

Ryan leaned against his back, stroking his cock.  Xander purred, staying asleep until he got off.  Then he went limp, making Ryan carry him to bed.  Steve and Draco both blushed at them since they were naked.  Ryan went to take his morning shower so he could get back to work.  He was clearly late since the Today show was going off.

Draco shook his head.  "Are they all nudists?"

"Now and then everyone is," Dean pointed out.

"Not me!"

"You don't get naked with your girls?"

"In the school?" he asked, looking horrified.  "We'd freeze to death and half the time we're somewhere we might get caught.  Bloody hell no!  I don't want Snape to find my naked arse anywhere."

Harry looked over.  "He's right, even if I did go out with the girls in the school you never have enough time to properly get naked and play."  He went back to watching tv.

"See, even the virgin knows that."

Dean patted him on the shoulder.  "He'll figure out what he wants soon enough, Draco.  At his level, he might have to have a harem."  Harry was blushing.  Draco was giving him a horrified look.  "Unless he dated and slept with one who had the same sort of problem to wear them both out.  That's how Don does it with Xander and how Ray does it with Adam.  As for getting naked in the school, you need to be a bit more crafty, Draco.  How hard is it to hide a room for an hour?"

"They'd know.  They have spells set up for that."

"Use the room of requirement," Harry offered.  Draco glared at him.  Harry grinned.  "It might do it.  It's to handle whatever you need."

Draco shivered.  "That's a truly naughty thought."

"It can't be entered once you're in there.  Be careful though, the Headmaster has put a portrait in there the last time I was in there."

"I'll remember that."  Ryan came out and went to get dressed on Xander's room, only wearing a towel.  Xander wobbled out again.  "Not this again.  Xander.... why is that area pink?"

"Cockring," Dean told him.  "Xander, you're naked.  Go back to bed, Xander."  Xander barked.  "I know, I'm treating you like the dog.  Go back to bed anyway and I'll get you breakfast."  Xander blew a kiss and wobbled back that way, running into the door handle this time.  He grunted.  The others winced.

Ryan tucked him in, giving him a kiss.  "You rest as long as you want.  Dean's here with Sam to guard you, Xander."  Xander made kissy faces until he got another one.  Then he walked out adjusting his gun.  "I'm off to work."

"Don't expect a kiss with tongue, Ryan.  I'm not your type," Dean taunted with an evil smirk.

Ryan grabbed him to kiss.  "Sure you are, Dean.  You're adorable and you'd look cute in heels and thigh highs once we shaved you."  He walked out happier.

"I didn't think Xander was that capable of warping people," Steve said.  Dean walked off shaking his head.  He needed some time in the gym to take that thought of his head.  "I'll deal with the bank stuff and the house, Dean.  Go rest.  The boys can do homework for a bit or something."

"I'll do that after I teach him to scry," Harry offered.  Steve nodded leaving them alone.  Harry took Draco to the bathroom, running the tub full of water.  He said the spell so Draco could hear.  "Now, focus on someone."

Draco concentrated, focusing on Snape.  "He's been captured?"

"That's an auror facility," Harry said with a scowl.  "I know Xander told them."  He leaned down, whispering to the water.  Draco leaned down to watch him.  "He can hear it but it's very faint."

"I remember hearing that.  You were scrying me?"

"It was the day I learned.  I was testing the limits."  He grinned and whispered something else.  Snape mumbled and the handcuffs came off.  He looked at his wrists for a minute.  "He's go tot be exhausted."

"Probably.  The aurors aren't nice," Draco admitted.  He said his own message, getting a look up and a nod.  "Go there."

Harry said something else, making Snape sneer but pop out.  "You didn't need a wand to apparate.  You needed to channel the power.  I figured he could do it," Harry explained.

"Nearly brilliant."  He stood up.  Harry canceled the spell.  "So you've done that a lot?"

"Now and then I check on Ron and Hermione.  She's starting to pull her hair out about all this."

"If she saw you on the horse yesterday she might change her mind," Draco said dryly.

"She's not my type," he said, heading back to his tv watching.

"Why are you doing that?  You grew up muggle," he sneered.

"Not like I got to watch it there."

Draco stared at the back of Harry's head.  "I thought all muggles had those appliances rotting their brains."

"The house had one.  I wasn't allowed near it."

Draco stared at him in confused.  "What?"

"I'm not going to tell you, Draco."

"Whatever," he decided, going to check on Sam.  He was still asleep and snoring too.  "Should we order breakfast?"

"Maybe.  I'm not sure."

"We could go out for breakfast.  No one here wants us."

Harry gave him a pointed look.  "You're still broadcasting."  Draco huffed off to handle that.  Harry got ready since Draco never needed more than two minutes anyway.  All those times in closets were apparently bad for him.  He leaned into Sam's bedroom, then came in to steal Xander's wallet.

"What are you doing?" Sam demanded quietly.

"Getting money for breakfast.  We'll be right back.  Xander's asleep.  We'll go across the street and be right back."

Sam opened one eye.  "You have two and a half minutes."  Harry nodded, hurrying out with Draco.  Sam started to get up but his head hurt so he was going to stay there.  "I thought the visions were done with," he complained.  He was drifting when he heard the door slam.  "Dean, the boys went for breakfast."

"I got 'em," he assured him, smirking at the little brats.  "Go sit and do something less useful for humanity."

"We were getting breakfast," Harry defended, looking cute and innocent.

Dean growled.  "You could have asked."

"You were busy.  Sam's got a headache, and Xander's asleep.  We can run across the street, Dean.  Really," Harry tried.  "Not like we're backed up like Sam is."

"Point.  Not much of one though.  We're going to be working on your self-defense all week long, Harry Potter."

"Yes, Dean.  Draco's too?"

"If he wants."  He went to check on his little brother.  "Sammy!" he said loudly.

"Fuck off.  Visions still hurt," he mumbled.

Dean pried one of Sam's eyelids up to look into it.  "Anything good in there?"

"No.  All bad things.  The demons who have the gay basher's union are happily showing them why they should be gay.  They're going to need counseling.  Can you let go now?"  Dean let him go with a smile.  "Beyond that, I saw a brunette girl who looked pretty rough.  Xander seemed to know her, I had a flash of them as teenagers."

"I'll ask if I can get him up.  Want coffee or food?"  Sam went green.  "Want some of the vicodin in the med-pack?"  Sam nodded.  "Let me do that."  Harry brought it in.  "Thanks, Nurse Harry."

"Welcome.  I hate to see people suffer."

"Then don't look at the guys the demons have.  They're all going to be begging to see het people who look human soon," Sam told him without opening his eyes.  "Ask Xander who the hot brunette girl he was fighting beside is too.  She's in trouble."

Harry went to wake Xander up.  "Sam had a vision," he said when he got grunted at.

"Why do I need to know this?"

"Something about a brunette girl who you used to fight beside needing help?"

Xander lifted his head enough to turn it so he could look at him.  "What?"

"That's what he said."

"Sam?"

"Brunette girl, kinda hot.  You knew her as a teenager on the Sunnydale crew," Dean said, leaning in the door.  "She's getting out of wherever she is that's making her look rough and they're going to try to take her."

"Fuck," he muttered.  "Call Angel and tell him they're going to attack Faith?"

"I can do that."  He found Xander's phone and the number for out there.  "Hey, Wesley, Dean Winchester.  Yes, I know this is Xander's phone.  We're back with him helping with some new GHS students.  Sammy just had a vision about a brunette girl that Xander used to hunt with getting out of wherever she's at that's making her look tired and semi-wasted being attacked within a few days of getting out."  He listened.  "He said something about Faith and to call you guys."  Wesley was verbally slapping himself on the head.  "Yeah, apparently it'll be within a few days.  She's still pale, kinda tired looking, and about half starved according to Sammy's vision.  Oh, tell Angel that the gay bashing guys that the demons stole will need counseling if any from your end of the US got taken or show up there."  He grinned.  "Yes they did.  Which is why Sammy has a migraine at the moment.  Thanks, Wesley."  He hung up.  "All notified, Sammy.  Try to come eat."

"Fuck off, Dean."

"We're related.  Not happening.  I changed your diapers."

"Eww."

Dean grinned.  "That's what I used to say.  You had some of the worst ass product ever, Sammy."

Sam got up long enough to slam and lock the door then went back to bed.

"I'm so glad I'm an only child," Draco said.  "I'll have to make sure my future children are only children as well.  That way they never have to have a talk like that."  He ate a bite of his hashbrown, which was incredibly greasy and very strange.

Dean swatted him on the hair.  "Once Xander gets up, you can get a haircut."

"I probably should.  I look like a girl."

"You're too narrow to be a girl, not enough curves," Dean assured him.

"If you say so."

Harry came out of Xander's bedroom.  "If you really want us to be less socially redeeming today, can we go to the beach?  Draco can get a haircut on the way.  We can get him shorts too.  I can shop a bit thanks to Xander."

Dean considered it.  "I might go for some bikini time, yeah.  Hurry up."  He took the wallet from Harry, counting out the cash.  "Xander, taking the boys to the beach and Draco to get a hair cut."  Xander got up and slammed the bedroom door shut, laying back down.  "Okay, I guess that's fine with him.  Hurry up."  They finished eating on the way down to the car.  Dean looked at Draco.  "Xander does all the higher class shopping.  It gives me hives so you're going to the mall with Harry."  He got them into the car, heading to the mall he and Sammy liked best.  Miami had plenty of them.  He parked and got out, walking the boys inside.  Right inside was a Regis salon.  He smiled at her.  "My nephew had a girl who liked his hair like this.  We're introducing him to the beach later in hopes he picks up someone easier to deal with."  The hairdresser giggled.  "Can you fix that tragic mistake?"

"I definitely can."  She led Draco back to her chair, putting the cape on him.  "How do you usually wear it?"

"About at my ears."

She got a book, finding the one she liked.  "That's pretty hip.  You might need some gel but you should be able to do it."

"I slicked it back for years."

"Miami girls like to be able to play with it.  Scrunch it between their fingers."  She did that in his hair.  "Let's trim it to about the right length then see."  He nodded, letting her trim it down to something closer to Dean's haircut.  She left a bit of length in the front to brush back when he needed to.  "There, now use mouse to get it to softly wave."  Draco brushed it back.  "Just like that."

"They won't mind me fussing with my hair?"

"They shouldn't.  We're used to pretty people down here."  She trimmed his bangs a bit more, letting them feather off to the right.  "That's a good look."  He looked at himself.  "Much better."

"I can learn to like this.  How do I care for it?  Mouse?"

"Just a dab of mouse now and then to make it go where you want it to."  He nodded.

Dean paid for it and they went to Old Navy.  Harry nearly shuddered.  "I know, but it's cheap."

"The Gap?" Harry begged.

Dean relented and took them there.  They had an outfit Draco could stand.  Barely.  Some sandals and they were ready to go.  Draco changed and came out looking much more relaxed.  Harry was happy.  Dean could get out of the mall so he was happy.  They went to the beach.  Draco stared in awe at the girls jogging.  Dean pulled him down onto the sand, handing over the bottle of sunscreen.  "You'll burn if you don't use it."

Draco put it on absently.  "Do all muggles wear those?"

"Only in Miami," Dean sighed, watching his own.  He nudged Harry and pointed.  Harry moaned.

Draco saw where he was looking and nearly swallowed his tongue.  "There's no cloth."

"There's a bit," Dean said with a grin. "Those are called bikinis."

Draco hummed.  "I could appreciate those."  He got a good, long stare at the girls around him.

Danny walked up behind them, handing the boys sunglasses.  "That way you don't get caught staring like virgins," he teased.  "Dean, where was Xander?"

"In bed when we left.  Sammy too."

"Sammy's still probably asleep.  The dogs were pitifully whining at him so he was walking them then heading back when we showed up for lunch.  Xander's not there and his new leather outfit is gone too."

"Don't know.  Sammy had a vision about someone named Faith."

Danny nodded once.  "Okay.  We can handle that."

"He had me call Wesley to warn him."

"Even better.  Thanks, guys.  Don't get too burned out here.  Dean, you're burning too."

"I'll be fine."

"Uh-huh.  You'll still whine for hours.  Put some on," Danny ordered.  He left them alone to stare at the fake tits in tiny bits of bikinis.  He found Xander's phone back at the house and called out there.  "Hey, Gunn, Danny Messer.  Yeah, Xander's boy.  Is Xander out there with someone named Faith?"  He listened to his confused sounds.  "Sam Winchester had a vision and Xander's not here.  Or his new leather hunting outfit or his sword.  Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too.  Dean said he called earlier.  Talked to Wesley."  Gunn yelled for Wesley, who told him what was going on.  "So, Xander is there?  That's good. Call when he pops back to this coast, guys.  That way we don't go missing him again.  Ryan's too tired to retrieve him this time.  Thanks."  He hung up and went back to work since the dogs didn't need walked and Sam was still there to guard them.

***

Faith looked startled when the guy in leather with long hair popped in behind her, his hair was obscuring his face so until he looked up she could only drool about his tight ass.  "X?" she demanded.  "What's with the hair?"

"Not you too," he said, scowling at her.  "Leave my hair alone!  It's bad enough Cordy went off on it all the time."

"Okay, I won't crack on the hair.  Cute leathers."

Xander grinned.  "Thanks.  Had to buy off the rack suddenly.  Someone tried to gas the house and I didn't have anything to wear to go riding."

She looked him over again.  "Riding who?"

"Mostly at the time my horses but my boys do enjoy me in leather," he said with a smirk.

"Boys?"

"You called me a boytoy often enough," he said dryly, making her shudder.  He gave her a hug.  "It'll be okay, Faith.  There was a vision saying you'd be jumped today.  I'm here to be your studly bodyguard."

"Can you actually use the sword?"

"Very well.  I trained off realm at a temple of Ares and a few other places."  Her mouth fell open.  He grinned.  "A lot has changed since high school."

"I can see that."  He smirked.  A demon walked up to them.  "Whatcha want?" she asked.

Xander smiled, holding out a hand palm side down.  The demon gripped it and nodded, babbling at Xander.  "I'm here to guard her.  You can tell the others attacking her is a very bad idea."  The demon babbled something else, making Xander blush.  "Thank you but it was only right since they stole me and my students."  The demon nodded.  "I'm glad your wife was pleased with the new nest because of it."  He left them alone.  "Sorry, he won pretty big the last time I had to fight myself out of somewhere.  I had no idea someone had been taping it and took bets."

"Huh?" she asked.

He led her off to a bench since they were in a small park.  He sat her down to fill her in on what had happened over the years.  Leaving out the immortal part.  She just stared in horror.  He nodded at the end when she shook her head.  She shook her head again.  He nodded and grinned.  "Yeah."

"No way."

"Yup."

"Two boys?"

"Yup."

"Damn!"

"Basically."  He grinned.   "So that's why I'm here to guard you."

"Okay.  If you're sure you can use that thing."

"I do very well at it, Faith."

"Good."  They looked up as a very tall demon lumbered their way.  "Are we in the demon part of the city?"

"Yeah, but they're usually nice."  She looked at him.  "Only twenty percent are the sort that have to be taken out."

"Good to know."  She looked up at the really large demon.  "Did you need something with me or him?"

The demon bent down to look at Xander, squinting some.  "You are Roth's toy."

"I'm no one's toy but my own," he corrected.  "Roth went bye-bye when he wanted me and tried to snatch me."

The demon stared at him.  "You are the Pouty One."  Xander nodded, smirking some.  "Well met, Hunter."  He patted him on the head.  "There are those that worry because they can feel your guardian."

"I'm guarding her.  I can take her to Angel's if you'd prefer."

"Many would like it if she staked him."

"Can't do that.  The Powers would get pissed."

"Ah.  They do mess things up."

"In many interesting ways," Xander agreed dryly.  "We're not here to cause harm.  I'm here to stop harm."

The demon nodded, patting him on the head again.  "I will let the wary know.  You should have protectors."  Xander pointed at his sword.  "True, you are a master of that weapon.  Still it is not safe."

Xander smirked.  "You'd be surprised."

"Perhaps, but there are other Highers who would like you."

"They can die too.  Only I own me."

"I'll let that be known.  They must curry your favor beyond what the humans have."  He patted them both on the head before straightening up.  "Eat something, you're both tired seeming and too skinny.  The slayer Faith was said to be much more luscious than she is now."  He walked off.

She looked so confused so he nudged her with a shoulder, grinning some.  "It's a nice warning that someone else wants to own me."

"He nagged like an aunt."

"Some do that.  He might be an aunt or a mother."  He pulled her up, grabbing his sword to hide under his hair.  "C'mon.  We can easily follow that order.  I need breakfast."

"Breakfast?"  She checked her watch.  "Don't you live on the east coast, boytoy?"

"Yup, but it was a long day yesterday so I was sleeping in.  Fortunately Dean said he was taking the students to stare at the beach."  He found a rolling snack stand and read it.  "I'm doubting he has human food."  He shrugged and walked her on, finding a diner.  "Usually I'd be cooking if we were at home but they're trying to get the gay bashing officers and others back from the demons after they tried to gas my house so we're in a hotel."

She blinked a few times.  "You still babble."

He shrugged.  "It happens."  The waitress gave them a wary look.  "Breakfast.  Yesterday was a long day."  She nodded once at that.  "What's good on the human food side?  A Guardian just told us to eat more, we were too skinny."

She smiled slightly.  "You can't go wrong with eggs.  We have human and Kelpet eggs."

"I've eaten hard boiled Kelpet eggs in the past," he said with a shudder.

"Poached they're much less bitter."

"Nah, let's stick with normal food," Faith said.

The waitress nodded.  "We have a very nice ham and eggs platter.  Fried ham, toast, two or three eggs, and coffee or juice."

Xander patted himself down, finding his card.  "It should still work if the demon plane yesterday didn't demagnetize it or the demon at the bank isn't helping someone who wants me again.  Like about three days ago."  The waitress stared then squeaked.  He shrugged one-sidedly.  "It happens."  He considered it then summoned his emergency wallet.  It had been in Don's desk.  It plopped down in front of him, letting him check it.  "Three hundred, enough for breakfast.  Get whatever you want, Faith."  He looked at her.  "Any briosit?"

"Yes.  Fried or baked?"

"Fried with some maple syrup and two eggs, slightly runny yolks?"

"I can do that."  She'd enjoy it if he tipped well because briosit was expensive meat.

"I'll do the ham thing with the three eggs," Faith said.  She nodded.  "Coffee please, with sugar."

"Soda?" Xander begged.

"As long as you don't destroy the restaurant," the waitress said firmly.

"It's my first caffeine today and I warned the ones screwing with me earlier if they didn't quit I'd have a case of mountain dew then go see them."  She whined.  He smiled angelically.  "There's one at the bank playing with my money."

"I'd pay to see that match," she said, heading back to the kitchen.

Faith looked at him.  "They really do know you."

"They know I cause destruction when they bother me but usually I don't mind the harmless or nicer demons."  He grinned.

"What's briosit?"

"It's a large animal that has the texture of chicken but it tastes like pork.  It's a really tough beast to kill so it's expensive but it's damn tasty."

She just nodded.  "You're a bit strange these days, X."

"It's where I'm not getting my hormones worn out."

"You can't do that with two boys?"

"Nope."

"Damn."

"Yup," he said with an evil smirk.  She bopped him on the arm.  "After breakfast, want to head to Angel and Wes's place?"

"They're together?"

"Working together in Angel's PI firm.  They're holed up in a large, grand old hotel."  The waitress brought their food.  He pulled out money and it disappeared.  He looked up.  "I'm coming up there.  It's not fair to the nice waitress."  Two bigger bills reappeared.  He handed it over, making her laugh.  "Give me enough change for cab fare."  She nodded, going to do that.  He dug in, letting her taste the briosit by holding up a fork.  "Open."  She gave him a look.  "Open or I'm tickling."

"You'll be missing fingers."  She ate it, humming.  "That's good."

He grinned.  "It's very good."  He dug in, taking the change back.  He handed over all but ten back, getting a grin from the waitress.  They finished breakfast and headed out together, going to find a way to Angel's.

"Not a great tip but that one unkind one did take his cash again," she told the cook.

"They're going to get him in their faces yet."

"Oh, he's vowed it.  With caffeine bouncing too."

The cook shuddered.  "I was watching the last battle yesterday."  She nodded and went to check her other customers.  They had all stayed quiet to keep out of the hunter and slayer's notice.

***

Xander walked Faith into the hotel with two bags.  "Here you go.  One Faith with clothes to wear since she only had this outfit."  He smirked at Gunn, who groaned.  "The one who was going to jump her is very sorry.  She even got to see me take on the one who keeps trying to take my money.  It's nice he put it all in a safe for me.  Steve's going to have a lot of fun putting it back and charging that demon."

Faith stared at him then at Wesley when he came out of the back area.  "Is he sane?" she asked him.

"There's doubt that he is when he's backed up."

"Not backed up now.  I let loose very well on the ones who wanted me this time.  Even had some Mountain Dew with me."  Wesley shuddered.  "Caught yesterday?"

"We heard.  Are you okay?"

"I'm always fine," Xander said blandly, giving him a dirty look.  "Anyway, Faith should be perfectly fine now.  She got to clap and watch my magnificent ass work and two demons try to follow my hair."

"A bit of ego blowing?" Faith taunted with a smirk.

"My ass does look fabulous in this outfit, Faith.  Even you stared."

"Point."  She walked off shaking her head.  "Where's Angel?  We found some intel for him on a new higher demon coming into town."

"One who actually doesn't want me," Xander quipped.

"How many have you dealt with this month?" Gunn demanded.   "We heard about last night's."

"This month?"  He mentally counted.  "Six suitors who gave up, two who didn't, and the thing last night plus the one at the bank and a few minor minions."

Gunn walked off shaking his head. "Only you, Harris."

"Hey, you could have my hyper hormones too," he quipped.

"I'd never let myself get as bad as you do."  He waved before disappearing into the back.

"I try to wear them out," he told Wesley.

"I know."  He patted him on the arm.  "Angel?" he called.  He came down the stairs with Faith.  "Good, she found you."

"She did.  Harris, head home before we get invaded."

"I'm good and worn out," he defended.

"They'll still try thinking that you're too tired to take them out," Angel pointed out grimly.

"Fine."  He tried to open a portal but had to hold his head.  "I think I'm a bit too worn out."  He tried his messenger stone but none came.  He looked up.  "I'm not that mean today."  He couldn't get to the DPP realm either.  "That's not right.  Angel, even the DPP realm is locked."

"How?" he asked.

"I can't get up there and my necklace can take me there as long as there's *any* magic around me."  He looked around, frowning at something.  "Well, that could explain it."  He pointed.  "Know that one?"

"Please don't let him be here for you," Angel muttered.

"Not cute," he warned.  "Not every demon comes for me, Angel."  He walked out to meet that one.  "You would be?" he asked, trying to sound pleasant.

"Are you Mr. Harris?"

"I am."

He sat down to be closer to his height.  "I'm with Fitch and Roberg.  We're a demon law firm."

"I don't want anything anyone left me.  I only take out the ones who try to keep me."

"I know that.  We're very fond of you doing that.  It takes out some fairly bad ones who might get us the wrong sort of attention."

"Are you the reason he can't get to the DPP?" Wesley asked.

"No.  You're in occlusion.  All of LA is locked out of magic for six days."  He looked at Xander again.  "Unfortunately we cannot go with your stated wishes.  We must enact any wills as they are written."  Xander whimpered.  "I know it is distressing.  You have taken out another Higher Clan leader and we must enact his will."

"Oh please tell me he didn't leave me shit."

"No, nothing like that.  His estate and a few other things, but no excrement," he told him.  "Though it might be valuable as an explosive if you used it correctly.  As I know you know since you did that last night."

"Yes I did."  He looked back inside.  "Wes?"

"I have no idea how to handle this.  Gunn?"  He came out.  "They're trying to make Xander take what a demon left him in his will."

"Interesting.  How often does this happen?"

"Only when I don't say 'not mine' fast enough," he said blandly.

"Mr. Harris has taken out sixteen of the nineteen Higher Clans heads.  There is no onus to him since he is not hunting them, merely saving himself.  The Council finds it most amusing."

"Vesvold would complain," he said with a pout.

"Were he still with us, he would have protested and hidden it from you.  As he did others he could not discourage."  Xander gave him an odd look.  "We handle his will as well.  No one has talked to you?"

"I imagined it went to his kids and mom."

"Most of it but not all of it."  He patted him on the head.  "We will go over this.  Do you have an attorney?"

"I can do that for him.  Charles Gunn."

"I have heard of you."  He shook his hand and shrank himself to closer to their size.  "Let us talk."

"Can it help him get back to Miami?" Angel asked, sounding hopeful.  "Before Willow or someone shows up?"

"I heard she tried to play with my dog.  I need to spank her," Xander said.  He pulled out the wallet to show her.  "My puppies, Hershey and Kiss.  We found them at the pound.  They're siblings."

"They're adorable."  He turned the page to show the ferrets.  "Aww, little chaos beasts."

"Strife likes them too."  He grinned.

"That's because you're like a chunk of your god got molded into human shape at times," Angel told him.

"Now and then but I do serve Ares and Cupid just as much," he quipped.

"Saw him with the sword, he was impressive," Faith agreed.

"We've seen," Angel assured her.  "Should we call Buffy and them for you, Faith?"

"Must you?"

"No."  He walked out to talk to the demon.  "We're trying to get Mr. Harris back to his own coast and his safety."

"Of course you are.  We can help with that in a few moments."

Gunn looked up from his reading.  "He's going to fuss."

"He can fuss all he wants.  We must enact the wills as they were written.  There is one bad clause in Vesvold's."  Xander leaned out of the building.  "He did lay a curse on any demon that tried to grab you against your will."

"So that's why there's been so many begging for their destruction?"

"Possibly."  Xander just nodded and went back inside.   He ran a magical check on his family, finding things going wrong.  "You should call."

He called Steve.  "Looks like the bank thing may have impacted the hotel room, Steve.  Thanks.  LA but we're occluded.  Meaning no magic right now.  Six days.  I'll fly back first.  I don't want to hang with Angel.  It's no fun without Cordy to pester.  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  "He'll fix it.  Thank you for telling me."

"You're welcome."  He went back to the wills with Gunn, who was mentally swearing at the boy.  He could hear him quite well.  "Vesvold auctioned off some of the things he hadn't wanted before."

"Good!"

Xander came out with a cup of coffee for him.  "Least I can do, Gunn."  He looked over his shoulder.  "Vesvold got rid of that one."

"That's the proceeds for the auction."

Xander grimaced. "I don't need more money."

"Tough."  Xander rolled his eyes.  "Let us get you back to your hotel room.  If Mr. Gunn will act in your stead?  I know you don't have the head for money things."

"I'll pay you," Xander offered.

"We can do that."  The demon took Xander, putting him in the middle of the chaos going on in the hotel room.  Then he came back to go over the rest of the wills.  "How does he do this?" he asked the demon.

"They knew they were courting their destruction by wanting him and trying to have him.   By our laws, they had to register him as theirs before taking him and show proof that he had accepted them somehow."

"If he nodded in their direction in greeting it was enough, right?"

"Less than that.  If the demon had been in his presence three times without being smited.  Which can mean a scrying portal."

"Wonderful.  I'll remember that if I run into any others."

"Usually most GHS aren't touched.  We only go after those of higher levels and those who already know about these things.  His students are highly prized."

"We'll warn them."

"I have ones for them as well."

"I can work on that too since they're part of Xander's harem."  That got a nod and a smile.  That was how the demon courts worked.

***

Xander landed in the middle of the chaos of the hotel room, looking around.  "Are we finally getting to go home?" he asked the officer.

"The bank decided to stop your accounts, Harris."

"No, the person at the bank stealing my funds just got his ass thumped."  The hotel manager looked at him.  Steve appeared with something.  "Thanks, Steve."

"Welcome, Xander."  He handed over what he was carrying.  "That should fix this problem until we can restore his accounts.  The one who was stealing his funds is in deep trouble."  And messy since Xander had gotten him too.  He had forgotten how good Xander was with the blade.  The manager relaxed and nodded.  "We're sorry about that.  It's all part of the reason they were hiding here.  Some of the same sort that tried to gas their house and do this."

"I can understand how trying that is.  Thank you, Officers."

"Not a problem, sir.  I'm glad it was a misunderstanding."

Xander shrugged.  "Don't look at me.  I liked the bank.  They were good when the guy who wanted to be Horatio stole from me when he was my local financial manager.  Steve got to punt his ass too."

"Why do they do this?" the manager asked.

"To make me come to them," Xander told him.  "That way I have to come to them to get my things back."

"Another way to make you consent to be theirs," Sam agreed from his spot on the couch.

"Why do they want you?" the manager asked.

"I'm GHS."

"Oh!"  He nodded quickly.  "That explains quite a lot.  Your entourage?"

"My students," he said with a point.  "My family."

"Even better.  Thank you for staying with us during this trying time, sir."

Xander grinned at Horatio.  "Can we go home?"

"You can.  The neighborhood security checked it over and it's safe.  That one neighbor has left."

"Thank you.  We'll be doing that soon.  Is my SUV here?"  Horatio nodded.  "Thank you."  He gave him a hug.  "We've been fighting this guy for weeks," he admitted quietly.  Horatio smiled.   "He tried to cut off my cards too."

"We'll be rearranging the bank accounts to make sure he's not anywhere near them," Steve promised.  "Once I finish emptying the vault he put Xander's money into."  He gave Xander a look.

"Not my fault."

"I know.  The one who paid him to do that?"

"I think Gunn's working on his will," Xander admitted.

"Oh, great," Dean said dryly.

Xander shrugged.  "I told them I didn't want anything."  He looked at the manager.  "Let us pack and we'll get out of your hair.  Thank you for hosting us during this problem."

"Not a problem, sir.  Remember us next time you have an emergency."  He left to put the money into the safe.  It would cover the account.

Xander looked at the officers.  "Escorting us back?"

"I think the lieutenant can do that," one said, leaving with his partner.

"Sorry, guys," Xander said.  "I had no idea he had gone this far.  We thought they were still toying with it."  They all nodded.  Horatio gave him a hug.  "Danny and Don busy?"

"Quite.  I'll help you get them home."  He looked at Steve.  "Will he have other problems?"

"No, I've already fixed those from his last shopping trip."  Xander gave him a funny look.  "They did try to cancel one of the cards.  I told them it was someone siphoning money off at the bank and they let me pay it off with one of mine, which you've already paid me back for."

"Thanks, Steve.  Maybe we should just live on cash."

"That could help but you'll never be able to store that much in the office safe."  He disappeared, going back to it.  He had a helper that made sure he got where he needed to go.  It was a pity the person he had originally dealt with at the bank had been promoted above handling accounts.  He liked her.

Xander looked at them.  "Pack."  They ran to do that, heading down to the SUV and the Impala.  Horatio got to drive the SUV, putting Xander in the back with the boys.  They headed back once the pets were all secured.  It was good to get home again.  "Draco, did you like the beach?" he asked with a grin.

"It was very enlightening.  Why do so many women have cantaloupe shaped breasts down here?  Is it a birth defect?"

"Bad plastic surgery."  Draco looked confused.  "You can put implants in to make them bigger, Draco."

"Why?"

"Because some women want to have backaches I guess.  I don't understand more than fixing something like a nose you're unhappy with or a face lift to get rid of wrinkles."

"You can?" he asked.

Harry nodded.  "We've seen some tragic excuses for bad plastic surgery."

"We'll need to make sure Draco has clothes anyway," Xander told him.

"Let's wait until this is all solved.  That way you don't have to explain why the card isn't working," Horatio ordered from the front.

"He didn't bring that much with him."

"Draco's about your size.  He can fit into yours, Xander."

"Fine.  For a few days.  I have plenty of clothes I never wear."  Draco gave him a long look.  "I over shopped."  That got an eye-roll from the younger man.  "I do.  My closets are stuffed."

"Danny wanted you to fix that," Horatio reminded him.

"I know.  I will later tonight while we wait on the stuff to be settled by Steve."

"Good idea."

"Or we'll take cash."  Horatio groaned and shifted.  They pulled into the neighborhood and parked, letting the dogs out first.  Then the boys got out and him carrying the ferrets.  "Open some windows, guys."  He put the ferrets back, making them happy to be in the bigger ferret kingdom.  He changed out all the food and water in case it had been tampered with.  The dogs came running in and jumped onto their ottomans, relaxing again.  Xander went to check the kitchen, tossing out the stuff that had went bad in the fridge.  Sam came in to take out the trash for him while Dean got the boys resettled and played with the dogs.   "Guys, we've got to straighten out my closet," Xander called.

"Why can't you?" Dean asked.

"This way you guys can pick out anything you want to bum."  He put something in the oven and turned on the timer, heading that way.  He opened his closet doors, staring.  "Horatio!"  He came in and looked then moaned.  "Where are my clothes?"

"I don't know."  He called Ryan since he had been in here last.  "Mr. Wolfe, Xander just opened his closet....."  He smiled.  "Thank you."  He hung up.  "At the dry cleaner's.  He had them cleaned in case anything stuck to them and poisoned you farther."

Xander grimaced.  "That's going to be hellishly expensive.  Even more than the car insurance."

"He said he prepaid it out of the stash in the wall safe."

Xander nodded, going to call their usual dry cleaner.  They delivered.  It'd take two van-fulls to deliver it all but they did.  Xander got to rearrange Don and Danny's closets too.

Horatio watched the boys help Xander sort through his clothes.  Anything he didn't want ended up on the bed.  Including a suit.  "Didn't like that one?"

"I've worn it twice and the jacket's too tight across the shoulders now.  I guess I gained more muscle or I'm getting fat."

"Probably more muscle," Horatio said mildly.  "You can get it retailored."

"That would mean a funny spot when they had to add fabric."  He grimaced.  "You can go with me to buy my next one."  Horatio smiled and nodded at that.  Xander gave him a quick hug.  "Draco, find something you want to wear."  He went back to sorting through things.  His leathers went back into the trunk.  His lounging jammies had their own dresser.  His underwear had its own drawer.  The rest of the stuff was carefully put up or tossed onto the bed.  The bed had a huge pile waiting on the boys to sort through.  "There," he said finally.

Draco and Harry were sorting through things, with an occasional grab from Dean or Sam.  Draco was muttering about how he thought his mother could shop but clearly Xander was the king of it.  Horatio smirked at that mumble but left it alone.  Draco got a few very nice outfits out of it.  Harry stole a few shirts that might fit him.  Dean and Sam got all the t-shirts he tossed out.  The rest got bundled up and Horatio took them to the church they all donated old clothes at.  The nuns would appreciate it.  He nodded at the priest waiting.  "Someone cleaning out their closet, Father."

"That's very kind of him."  He saw the clothes.  "I remember a young man with a lot of hair dropping off similar items a few years back."

"It was his," he agreed.  They smiled and the priest took the boxes of clothes inside to be sorted.  Horatio went back to work to see if Danny and Don were free.  They were still out questioning so he left messages for them that they were home.  The gay bashing officers had been returned, finally, and were now headed to counseling.  The demons had been mean to them.

Harry and Draco came out of the hotel the holiday convention was being held at, waving back at their escorts.  Draco was still subdued but he was back to his old persona, without the insults against non-purebloods because Xander got him on the head for that a few times.  Harry looked at Draco.  "Knight bus?"

"Why?"  He pointed.  "An auror is waiting on you."

Harry grinned.  "Tonks.  Here to pick us up?"

"Both of you," she agreed.  "Draco, your mum is waiting at the school.  Harry, so's Lupin."

"That's fine."  They got into the ministry car, letting it take them back there.  The flying car was fairly nice.

Draco looked around it.  "There's days I miss the SUV."

"I can't imagine him getting that heavy thing to fly," Harry said.

"True but it was very comfortable."

"Plus it had the playstation back there," Harry agreed.

Tonks gave them a look over her shoulder.  The driver was ignoring them.  "SUV?"

"Xander has a stretch Range Rover."  She whimpered.  "The back was set up like limo seats and had a tv with a game system hooked up."

"That's nice."

"They folded out in case he had to camp," Draco told her.  "Plus he had emergency packs in the trunk."

Harry nodded.  "Very amusing the day we cleaned those out."

"Dean's no longer tossing a fit," Draco said casually.

"Which is a good thing.  I didn't think even Sam was going to get him calmed down after the wills came out."

"True.  Who knew that a demon could claim you that way."

"Hmm."  He grimaced, looking at Tonks.  "They can claim you if they're scrying you and you don't catch them three times.  Then you get to beat them up until they leave you alone.  Xander had that happen a few times.  He was not amused."

"Dean wasn't amused.  Sam wasn't amused.  For demon hunters, they were throwing hissy fits instead of going to deal with them," Draco said.

"They were already dead."

"Forgot about that," Draco admitted.

"You've changed," Tonks told Draco.

"I do try to stay interesting," he offered with a smirk.

"Good idea."  She smiled at the boys.  "You guys get all the right training in?"

"Plus some other training," Harry agreed.  "We even caught up with the homework.   We scried the classes to see where they were before the holidays."

"Good job," she praised.  "How do you do that?"

"I can teach you," he promised with a smile.  "How's Professor Snape?"  She went pale.  He stared at her, something he had learned from Xander.  She shrugged.  "It's good he's better."

"He is.  Saw him recently."

"Even better."  They landed in front of the school, getting out and grabbing their new trunks.  Xander had let them charm them to be bottomless and hold everything he had bought.  They carried them inside, looking at the waiting headmaster.  "Sir."  He hugged Remus.  "We had a lot of fun during our training."

"Good.  Did you keep up with your schoolwork?"

"Plus learned a lot of other things," he agreed happily.  "I even have pictures of me on one fo Xander's horses."  Remus grinned.  He walked him to the conference room.  Draco was being nagged by his mother.  "He was very polite.  Xander said to tell you he was an excellent student.  He helped him a lot and Draco helped Xander as well."

"That's good to know," she said, sounding cool and collected.  "I still would rather not have had my son taken that way."

"You'd rather the treatment I was getting here caused me to explode and send the whole school into a begging frenzy?" Draco asked her.  She gasped.  "I was about there when he stepped in."  He sat down next to his head of house.  "It's good to see that you're fine."

"I am."  He smiled slightly, getting a nod back.  Harry grinned at him.  "Your potions?"

"I've brewed with Xander.  Plus I was learning the wandless magic they had there, it had a lot of potions as well, Professor.  Even though I'm not in your class he did make sure I was proficient.  In areas he lacked he sent  us to a coven of witches locally who did things to help around town."

"I trust it was satisfactory?" McGonagall asked as she walked in.

Harry opened his trunk, digging down while trying to get the letter.

"In the top pocket," Draco said dryly.

"Thanks.  Forgot where I put it."  He tossed it to her before closing and locking his trunk again.  "That's from Xander on the studies and what the witches taught us."

She read it over, handing it to Snape, who nodded at the points.  "Those potions do work?" he asked his student.

"I tested them, they do work," he agreed.  "The calming potion tastes better than ours does too."

"Good to know.  I'll want samples."

"I have them in my bag," he assured him.  That got a nod.  "Somewhere Potter has a lot of books they gave him."

"Some very handy things."  He grinned.  "Including one for Hagrid on other animals he might not have seen.  It's ancient and describes some that have died out."

"I'm sure he'll appreciate that, Mr. Potter," McGonagall agreed.  "Are you better?"

"As long as no one tries to herb us ever again, we're both perfectly fine and can control ourselves."

"Good."  She looked at Draco.  "The ones who cursed you are not happy at the moment.  They were punished."

He looked at his mother.  "Really?"

She glared.  "It was for your own good."

"It nearly caused me to lose control.  Then what would the Malfoy reputation be?"  She looked away.  "As I'm now a legal adult, let me make myself clear.  I belong to no one but myself.  Only I choose who I sleep with and who I give my affections to, Mother.  No matter that you wanted an arranged union."

"I feel the same way," Harry agreed.  "When and if I find boyfriend or girlfriend it will be on my own terms and by my own choice.  Not forced by someone who wants to own me."

"Well stated," McGonagall agreed.  "I agree with that sentiment whole heartedly."

"Good, then keep the ones who offer to keep us away please," Draco said, taking out a letter to hand to his head of house.  He read it and his lips tightened before handing it over.  "I'm not a party favor to be given away."

She read it and looked at him.  "I will not allow that to happen, Mr. Malfoy.  It's wrong of anyone to try to keep you against your will."  He relaxed.  "We will do what we can to shelter you while you're in school.   If you should need the herbs to control a surge in the future, only Madam Pomfrey can give them to you."  They both nodded.  "The house elves all know that the list of herbs is not allowed near you two.  There will be no more incidences unless it comes from another student.  If that should happen, the punishments are going to be very severe."

"May I see that letter?" Narcissa asked.  McGonagall passed it down to her.  She read it then looked at Draco.  "That would be a beneficial match, my son."

"I'm not a party favor, Mother.  If I want someone to breach my arse, I'll ask them myself."  He stared her down.  "You can quote me as well."  She backed up at that, looking alarmed.  "We've both seen what happens to those who are kept as pretty playthings.  I'd die first."  Harry nodded, brushing some of his hair back.  "You should have gotten a haircut before we left, Potter."

Harry shrugged.  "I'll have the person in town trim it the next time I'm down there."  He looked at McGonagall.  "We're both very good at controlling ourselves now.  Unless something happens, there shouldn't be any surges or anything.  Draco and I can use the Room of Requirement to practice?"  She nodded.  "Good.  Are we in our dorms?"

"No.  It was considered safer to move you down to a more secure room," Snape said.  "That would put you in my territory however.  You can protest."

Harry looked at him.  "I trust your students enough to not worry about them for the most part, Professor.  Cunning and evil are two different things."  Snape looked impressed at that reasoning.  "It took a bit but Xander did point that out to me."  He looked at McGonagall then pulled out the books in his pocket, unshrinking them.  Draco let out a moan of distaste.  "This way they know," he said with an evil smirk.  "Look what's in their realm."

She looked at the cover of the one on top, giving him a horrified look.  "I knew they had books on us but all these?"

He nodded.  "The last one did give me some good ideas.  I need to see if they're correct in what they foresaw."

"Indeed."  She flipped through them.  "Do they get harder as they go on?"

"They're meant to age with the reader.   They came out one a year until book five if I heard right."

She nodded once then put them into her pocket once they were shrunk.  "I'll see if the last book has the correct ideas, Mr. Potter.  That way we can work on those issues.  Does it mention this problem?"  He shook his head.  "Even better."  She stood up.  "Let us get you to your room.  Do you need to do any shopping in Diagon before you formally return?  We can do that today."

"He could use a haircut," Draco said dryly.  "Xander made sure we had appropriate clothes, Professor.  For every situation."

She smiled.  "He did seem a bit fashionable even wearing leather."

"He likes leather now and then.  It helps him when he's battling demons."  He stood up and grabbed his case.  "Lead on, please.  Remus, can you take me to get my hair cut?"

"Of course, Harry.  That way we can talk in private."  He smiled and the boy grinned back.  He and Narcissa had to wait in there but that was fine.  It looked like Xander had done the boys good.  They looked like normal, happy boys and Draco's mouth had been tamed.  Harry and Draco came back ten minutes later.  "Ready?"

"Yup."

"Unpacked?" he asked.

"No.  I'll do that later tonight."

"The house elves can," McGonagall told him.

"I should since I've got some silk shirts I have to fold carefully."  She stared.  He smiled.  "Xander's.  He was cleaning out his closet.  They're very comfortable."  He walked Remus off, talking quietly about what he had done while there.  The beach made him laugh but that was fine.  Remus was an adult.

Draco looked at his mother.  "Are we going?"

"We are."

Draco looked at his professor, handing him the bag of potions.  "Those are the ones they taught us."  That got a nod.  "Plus an extra something in there Xander sent back for you."  He left, escorting his mother out properly.

Snape opened the bag, finding the locating charm laying on top, smirking at the boy's cunning.   There was no way his student was going to be taken against his will if he had his way.  He went to test the potions.  Their calming one did work much better.

***

Harry got a letter the next morning, frowning at it.  "Why?" he muttered, sipping his tea.  "Headmaster, I've been summoned to the Ministry about my parents?"

He took the letter to look at.  "I have no idea why."  He handed it back.  "We'll make sure you get escorted."

"Thank you."  He looked at Draco, who shrugged.  "How is your mother?"

"About the same as usual.  Trying to convince me to marry for the family's good."  He ate a bite and chewed.  "I almost miss Xander's cooking."

Harry smiled.  "He is an excellent cook."  He dug in and went to clean up, coming back dressed in one of the silk shirts he had gotten off Xander and some of the dress pants he had been given, plus dress shoes.  McGonagall brushed some lint but smiled and nodded her approval.  "Xander does love to shop.  It takes time and fussing so he wears himself out a bit more."

"The man shops more often than my mother," Draco agreed.

"It does help with stamina," Harry pointed out.

"I realized that the day I didn't collapse afterward."  He finished up.  "Do I have anything to do today?"

"Finish unpacking," Snape told him.  He nodded and left to do that.  "Mr. Potter, you'll be going with me."

"That's fine, sir."  He handed Hagrid the book he had in his pocket, unshrinking it for him.   Then he handed Professor Snape one.  "The potions book they were teaching from.  Draco has his copy and I got an extra one for you, sir."

"Thank you."  He flipped through it, finding that calming potion.  It wasn't that much different, basically given in a different order.  "I'll go over some of these later for inclusion."  It got put into his robe pocket and he wiped his mouth, following the boy to the entry.  "You have your wand?"

"Yes, Professor."  They walked down and used the portkey that had been included to get to the Ministry.  Harry registered his wand and took the little pebble they gave to guide him.  He had no idea who wanted to see him.  That's why he was shocked to find himself in Fudge's office.  "He wanted to see me?" he asked the receptionist.

"He does, Mr. Potter.  Go right in."

Harry walked in after tapping on the door, looking at the Minister for Magic.  "You needed to see me, Minister?"

"Mr. Potter.  It's good we finally meet in person."  He walked around the desk, looking him over.  "You look very nice."

Harry stared at him.  "Thank you.  My trainer likes to shop.  What did you need to see me about?"

"Your future, young man.  It has come to our attention that you are now of legal age to be taken as a special friend."

"Yes, but I'm not looking for anything like that.  A true relationship but only with someone of my own age."

"There is much that can be gained by going outside those bounds."

"Nothing that I need."

"What about wants?"

"I have everything I want, Minister Fudge.  I'm not going to give myself to anyone as a toy."

"You are because I can make it illegal for those with your problem to not be mated."

"Then I'll go proposition someone today."  He shrugged.  "Or I'll go back to my trainer's and have him guard me.  Demons are probably going to be better for me."  Fudge sneered.  He looked at him. "Minister Fudge, what makes you think I would take you up on that sort of offer?  I've barely begun to date.  I'm certainly not going to tie myself to someone just for political gain when I could care less about politics or power.  Now if you'll excuse me I have to make sure I did keep caught up with the other students while I was off for training."

"I heard about him."

"I doubt it.  The demons tell some of the most made up crap about Xander."   He smirked.  "Or did you hear how he had destroyed multiple demon realms when someone tried to claim him as theirs?"  Fudge went pale.  "I'm very certain I'll have to turn down your generous offer, Minister Fudge.  I'm not interested in the same things you are."  He walked out.  He saw an pair of aurors walking toward him and hoped they weren't there to stop him.  No such luck.  "Unhand me.  I'll not be the plaything of the Minister!"  He got free and kicked one on the leg to make him not grab his hair.  "I'll be damned and eaten by demons before I let that slimy bastard lay his hands on me against my will!" he said firmly.  He stomped off.  They tried to stop him.  He kicked their butts, showing he was trained by Xander and Dean and Sam.  Plus a bit from Ryan thrown in.  He sneered.  "Whoever I go to will be by *my* choice, not Fudge's.  I'd never touch something like that.  It'd make me ill."  He walked off.  He realized he had been sounding a lot like Draco in a snit but that was fine.  They'd understand that.  He ran into the professor down there.  "We need to go right now," he said calmly.

"Why?"

"Minister Fudge is trying to make me his concubine by force."  Snape shuddered.  "I had to defend myself against two aurors.  Can we please leave?"

"We shall."  He created a portkey and they returned to the school.  He watched the boy run for the safety inside, shaking his head.  "So it's begun a bidding war."

Harry ran into Draco.  "Minister Fudge tried to make me his by force."

"That's a disgusting thought," Draco decided.  "Thank you for the warning, Potter."

"Welcome.  Watch out for aurors too.  He tried to have two stop me from getting away.  I've got to write thank you letters to Ryan, Dean, Sam, and Xander for working on my self-defense."  He walked off, going to calm down.  Or rant and rave in his room.

Draco looked at his head of house.  "Fudge actually tried to keep him?"

"Indeed.  He seemed a bit panicked."

"I heard something interesting."  He walked his head of house off to the side of the hallway.  "Why did Potter not hit puberty until late last school year?"  Snape looked alarmed.  "Apparently he didn't.  That's when these surges and things start.  I read those books.  Were they correct possibly?"

"I have no idea.  I was not informed of such things."

"Would it be possible to use that knowledge to protect ourselves?" he asked quietly.

"It might be," he admitted.  He went to talk to McGonagall.  "Those books?"

"If they're half correct, Dumbledore is in for a world of hurt," she said firmly.

"I had no idea Mr. Potter was so delayed."

She grimaced but nodded.  "I thought it odd but we've had late bloomers before, Severus."

"That late?"

"A few."

"For the same reason?"

"If the book was correct, it's a possible reason," she agreed.  "What happened?"

"Fudge wanted to keep him.  He had to get free of two aurors to get out of there."

"Interesting.  We'll be on the watch for it."  Severus nodded so she handed him the first book.  She wasn't done with the second yet.  He walked off to read it in his study.  That might give him a way to protect himself.

***

Harry appeared for dinner that night.  He had been summoned actually.  The headmaster said he wanted to see him at the meal.  He noticed the smug looking Minister sitting there.  "I'm not getting near him.  He tried to force me into sexual slavery for his pleasure."  The teachers all gasped.  He glared at the Minister.  "Everyone else has learned what the word no means.  Perhaps you should look it up?"

"You're sounding a bit like a Malfoy," Draco taunted.

"I realized that earlier.  I think it's because I'm pissed enough to call down demons to eat him."

"Xander said that might result in you being kept."

"As long as he's dead, I can get free of them too."

"Good point."  He sipped his pumpkin juice.  This would only be mildly amusing to him until it was his turn to be forced upon.

"You are?" Fudge sneered at Draco.

"Much too high born for one such as you," he sneered back.  "Though I do agree.  Only we have the right to say who we sleep with."

"I can make things very  uncomfortable for you both.  Including taking the Malfoy fortune since your father escaped."

Draco shrugged.  "I can still marry well out of the country.  That way I don't have to live with the shame of my relatives any longer."  He smirked an evil little smirk.  He did it so much better than Xander did.  "Of course, you could be charged with attempted kidnaping as well.  Mr. Potter is an adult and only he can say who he sleeps with.  If he said no and you try anyway that's kidnaping and attempted rape."  Fudge went pale.  "That would not be good for your career, would it?"

"They'd forget."

"No they wouldn't.  There'd be a wonderful state funeral," Harry assured him.  "Anyone who touches me against my will I will destroy.  Quickly and with a lot of screaming if I can."  Fudge got up and backed away from him.  Harry kept his spot.  "I don't want you.  I'll never want you no matter what you try.  But you trying will give me cause to put this all out in the open in the papers when I sue the Ministry."  Fudge stomped off with his aurors.  He smiled and waved at one.  "You could use some bruise cream."  The auror sneered.  "I learned from three demon hunters."  They ran from him.  He sat down.  "There, now that the nastiness is out of the way."  He looked at his head of house.  "I'm finding myself stressed.  Let me go to the room of requirement and work this out of myself.  I'll have a snack later if no one minds?"  She shook her head quickly.  "Thank you."  He left to do that.

"I had no idea the boy had a temper like that," she said calmly.

"He can burn hotter than Weasley but he usually picks a better target," Draco told her.   He heard a small explosion and sighed.  "I thought Xander had gotten that under control for him."

"He leaks?" Snape demanded.

"He did but the witches helped him with that.  We should make sure we don't have to tell anyone they need a state funeral."  The headmaster rushed out to check.  He heard the scream and walked out, finding Harry behind him.  "You?"

"No.  You?"

"No.  I didn't summon that demon.  Why are you here?" he asked it.

"We want you.  You would make a good pair of pets," it said with a bow.

Harry pulled his gun out and shot it.  "No, thank you anyway.  Thank you for defeating the evil one who wanted me as well."  He left, going back up to the room of requirement.

"Drama queen," Draco snorted.  "He learned that off Sam."  He walked off again, going back to dinner.  McGonagall stomped in.  "We did not summon him."

"Why would he come for you two?"

"Xander's highly wanted by them.  He's the highest level you can be plus a former hunter.  They think I'm splendid to look at and Potter might have some skills."  She went pale.  "They'll be stopped.  Xander will stop them.  He has most of them who try to come for us.  He's destroyed sixteen of the nineteen major clan heads in the last few years because they tried to have him."

"Oh, dear."

"We did learn how to protect ourselves."  He nibbled on a roll.  "He'll be fine once he vents."  Dumbledore stomped in. "Xander will be stopping that one tonight I'm sure."

"I do not think he is a role model you think he is."

Draco stared at him then laughed.  "It's not his fault people and demons want him.  He does try to control it.  That's why he's got two very tired boyfriends and two dogs that get played out every day.  Plus the occasional protector when his boys are too tired.  And horses that he rides every day."  He took another nibble.  "They want Xander because of his level and because he used to hunt.  They want Harry and I because we're young and pretty.  They don't see us as a threat.  They'll be stopped fairly quickly since neither of us are that wanted."  He finished his roll and got another one then dug into his real meal.

"He had a gun," McGonagall said.

"Sam and Dean taught both of us how to use them.  They use them when they hunt demons.  Xander's more crossbow and sword oriented because that's how he was trained.  Plus you can hide them easier when you shrink a sword down as a hair ornament."  Snape stomped in.  "Is he going to be all right?" he asked facetiously.

"They should all be fine.  The new aurors would like to talk to Mr. Potter about that."

"Neither of us summoned him.  Frankly I don't know why his species would want us.  They're not compatible with humans."  He waved a hand.  "He's in the room of requirement stressing out."

Snape went that way to interrupt him.  Harry nearly jumped when he walked in.  "Aurors," he said plainly.

"Bugger them," he muttered.  He stopped stretching and stood up, grabbing his sword.  "C'mon then.  Let's go finish this bad idea off so I can get back to my normal life."  He walked outside, looking at them.  "I did not summon that demon.  He wanted me as a shelf trophy but I did not summon him."

"Why would he know about you?" Kingsley Shacklebolt asked.  He was the head auror.

"Our trainer draws them.  Often.  He destroys them just as often."

"Trainer for.....  Do you know how to use that sword?" he asked.  Harry beamed and nodded.  "Why did you have that special trainer?"  Harry held up his wrist so he sniffed, moaning a bit.  "You're one of those."

Harry nodded.  "I am.  Earlier today Minister Fudge tried to get me to be his.  I refused.  I walked off.  He had two of your aurors try to stop me.  Thankfully our trainer is a demon hunter and had his other two demon hunter students in as well.  Plus his part-time protector who is a high priest to Ares, God of War."  He stared him down.  "I'm very sorry they needed bruise cream."

"I'm not.  You should be able to get away," he said.  "Then he was here?"

"To try to claim me again.  He stomped off when it was pointed out that trying this was attempted kidnaping with intent to attempt rape."  Shacklebolt shuddered at that.   "I went up to the room of requirement to practice and the demon apparently decided he wasn't worth the trouble of arresting if he tried again.  I did not summon the demon.  Did not ask it for a favor.  I did thank it for hurting him for me when it did, but I also reminded it I'm not going to be it's playtoy either."

"Their kind isn't compatible with humans," Draco said as he joined him.  "He wanted us to stare at, Potter."

"Still not my thing."

"Heard your father was arranging you a spouse," Shacklebolt said politely.

"I've got a less intense version of what Potter has.  No one touches me against my will."  The auror stared, mouth slightly open.  "The only one invading my arse is one I'll pick."

"Fine.  That's good to know," he said quickly.  "You didn't summon him?"  They both shook their heads.  "Thank you, boys.  Try to stay safe."

"We have it under full control as long as we're left alone," Harry said firmly.  That got a smirk and a nod.  "Unlike before we went to Miami."  He went back inside.  "Draco, are we sparring tonight?"

"Please no, not that," he said blandly, glaring at his back.

"Fine.  I'll be done with the room in an hour if you wanted it."

"I might."  He watched him go then looked at the auror.  "You can tell my father that if you find him."

"If I find him, I'll gloat at him for you, boy."

"Thank you."  He walked off.  "Pity, no state funeral to give us a few days off school."

"He's a bit icy," Kingsley told McGonagall.

"I think half of it was an act.  He's only had bread since he saw."

"That's a good sign then.  Keep them safe.  He's probably in more danger now."

She smirked.  "I have no doubt they trained him in how to handle himself as well."

"A high priest to Ares?"

"Xander took his training off realm a few times.  One of his friends traveled with him for safety I'm sure."

"That makes more sense.  I know Mad Eye said the boys were happy there.  Playing and laughing but still getting some studying and some subtle lessons in."

"Harry can ride a horse as well."

"It might come in handy if he had to so he could escape."  He gathered up the rest of the mess and went back to the office to file the report.   Fudge would probably seal it so no one would be able to know he had gotten so desperate but that was politics.

***

Hermione walked into the school, finding Harry waiting on them.  "Harry!  We were worried when you weren't on the train."  She gave him a tight hug.  She smiled, looking him over.  "Are you better?"

"I'm in better control," he corrected.  "It never going to go away, Hermione."

"I know that now.  I'm sorry."

He smiled.  "I know.  We saw."  She swatted him on the arm, earning a smile.  "What was that for?"

"For spying that way since I can't do it back."

He smirked.  "I can."  He waved at the staring Ron.  "What?  Am I leaking?"

"No, you're nearly mythical.  Dad had a good laugh about the demon coming to save you from a life of slimy sex."

"Well, yeah.  But that's happened a few times."  Ron rolled his eyes but gave Harry a hug too.  "Thanks, Ron.  Dinner.  C'mon, I'm starved."

"Haven't you been eating?" she demanded as they walked.

"Of course I have.  But I slept through lunch today."  They nodded.  "I'm not in the tower anymore, Ron, but you two can come down to my room whenever you want."

"I'll take you up on that, mate."  They walked in and a few students stared but he ignored it.  Some of the girls liked to stare at Harry.  "So, this Xander guy was good?  You had a lot of studying time?"

"And a lot of fun time.  He made sure he balanced it out for us.  We even spent time on the beach."  Hermione smiled at that.  "Bikinis are very nice to look at."  She spluttered.  "We were in Miami, Hermione.  We had to be taught why half of the women looked unnatural."

She wiped her mouth off.  "Bikinis now?"

He found his pictures in his pocket, handing them to Ron.  Ron nearly drooled on them.  "No warping them, Ron."  He went to the next one and it was nearly as good.  He did laugh at the picture of Harry up on a horse but that was fine.  "I learned how to ride.  Xander has them.  That one's actually his friend's trained war mare."

"War mare?" Hermione asked.  "How did he get a war mare?"

"Some barbarians took Ryan, Xander, and Horatio because redheads were incredibly rare on their realm.  Horatio's got flaming red hair.  The other two were considered good to sell.  Xander got them free of the barbarians with some help from Ryan, then they took them to a small village to wait to get home.  There was a bunch of Greek temples.  Ryan trained at the temple to Ares.  Xander did too, but Ryan's a high priest.  She's his horse."

"I see.  How long were you there?"

"The same amount of time I wasn't here.  Some realms do run on different time codes but they matched pretty well."

"That's good then."  She looked him over.  "You're pressed."

"All our stuff got sent to the dry cleaner before we came back."

"Interesting."

"Xander was being fussy."  She smiled.  "We had a lot of fun."  He took the pictures back from Ron, handing them to her.  She clucked at the bikinis but she had probably seen worse on some of the beaches in Europe.  They went topless there.  "Dean took us to the beach when we needed to be less socially redeeming, his words."

She smirked.  "So he got you to play?"

"He did.  Plus play Xander's Playstation and all that good stuff.  I was getting fairly good at it."

She handed the pictures back.  "What else did you learn?"

"We learned from some wandless witches in a coven there.  They taught us some of their potions and ways.  I learned a lot from their books as well.  I learned I had a lot of stamina I need in a battle because Xander taught me sword and battle axe work while Dean taught us shotguns, handguns, and machetes.  Xander and Dean went over strategy.  Sam taught us how to identify demons and deal with them when they popped in for no reason.  The last time we got taken by some, Xander nearly destroyed the whole realm itself instead of just the demons.   They were screwing with his bank accounts though so he was justified."  She was looking stunned.  Ron too.

"I increased my stamina a lot.  I leaned a lot about myself.  I learned how to shop better definitely.  Xander spends some of each week shopping so he can fuss at people and to take up some of his spare time that he can't kill another way.  I learned a lot of lessons that were very subtle.  Like Xander showed us how to appear calm when we're not by example.  He did a lot of that when people pissed him off.  We were there when some gay bashing idiots tried to gas the house so we were at a hotel for a few days.  Fortunately the demons who want Xander decided the officers and others were bad people so they took them to teach them better.  I'm told they're still in therapy."  He licked his lips.  "I learned a lot from him that I can't really put into words but I know I learned something."

"Guns?" she squeaked.

"Sam and Dean use them to hunt demons.  Xander uses them to protect himself from the demons.  And the occasional piece of artillery."  He frowned but cleared it up.  "Oooh, someone gave him a pet tiger cub a few years ago to try to get his favored attention."

She scowled.  "Did it get sent back?"

"He found it in a warehouse he lets them drop things off at and take them back when they realize he's not interested.  She went to a local zoo.  We visited and they said she's very happy there.  A few years back, when they were all taken to that redhead's are sacred realm, another one of us they found there got given elephants.  Two of them.  They're happily at the same zoo."  She shuddered.  "They wanted him to return some day."

"I see.  Did you get those sort of things?"

"No.  I think the biggest thing I got is someone human gave me a very pretty choker.  Apparently he decided I needed a collar but Dean had a talk with him and he ran off.  Left the state totally.  He didn't want it back so I can sell it when and if I need cash or give it to a future daughter."

She blinked.  "Excuse me?"

He nodded.  "If he doesn't take it back I can't do much else with it, Hermione.  It'd look crappy on me."

She blushed.  "I suppose it would.  You're a bit different, Harry."

"And I sound like Malfoy when I'm pissed."  Ron choked.  "Sorry, but I do.  I realized that when I was chewing Fudge a new one."

McGonagall came down.  "Children."  They smiled at her.  "Mr. Potter, the house elves were concerned that they couldn't get into your trunk."

"They won't be able to.  I'm keeping it under a locking spell, Professor.  I've got pricesless books and other things in there."  She nodded at that.

"Plus apparently some people wanted him and gifted him but wouldn't take it back even when they were run off," Hermione told her.

"I've heard that happens.  Do you need us to safely store anything like that, Mr. Potter?"

"I might.  I have it stored in there in a magical bag."  She nodded.  "But do tell them to leave it alone.  My clothes are all unpacked already."

"I can do that.  They did say you had a very nice looking suit."

"Xander was cleaning out his closet and gave it to me.  He was too bulky for it now.  We had it tailored in case I needed one for something."  He smiled.  "I look very good in Armani."

Hermione gasped.  "Armani?"

Harry nodded.  "They know Xander by sight."  He grinned at the professor.  "I figured I might need it some day."

"You might.  I'll let them know that and come down to see those later on."  He nodded, letting her go back to her seat.   She stopped by Professor Snape to lean down next to his ear.  "You might ask Mr. Malfoy if he's hiding any presents or reparations later, Severus.  Harry has been.  That's one reason why they can't get into his trunk."  He nodded, letting her sit back down again.

***

Harry let Hermione and Ron into his room, plus the transfiguration teacher.  "Let me pull the trunk out."  He pulled it out from under the bed, undoing the lock spell and opening it.  "Let's see.  Books.  Wicca books.  Bookstore books."  He dug down farther, nearly falling inside.

"Is that bottomless?" Hermione asked.

"Yup."  He came out with a bag and tossed it at her then another one, tossing it at Ron.  Then a third got tossed to the teacher.  "Theirs are holiday presents."

Ron sat down to dig into his, smiling at that.  "They had chocolate frogs?"

"To them we're a book.  They had all sorts of merchandise.  I thought that might amuse you."

Hermione looked at hers, smiling and kissing him on the cheek.  "Thank you, Harry.  I do like the outfit."

"It's a fairly long dress but it looked comfortable at the store."  He looked at the stunned teacher.  She was petting the pretty things.  "That's one thing I was hiding."  He started to pull out books to put on his desk.  Hermione looked at them, frowning at him for some of them.  "To learn demonology better, Hermione.  It's a classification manual."

"I see that."

"Just in case so I can identify whatever when something comes."  He pulled out his fun reading books.  Then his other books, putting them aside.   He muttered as he nearly crawled into his trunk to get the rest out, dropping them onto the floor.

"Harry, treat them better," she complained.

"There's no room on the desk," he pointed out. He found three last ones and dropped them out too.  "Oh, the journal I did while I was over there.  You can read it."  She sat down at his desk chair to go through that.  He looked at the professor.  "For all that he's fashionable, Xander is quite a nerd now and then," he explained.

"I can see that.  Were those his?"

"Mostly.  Someone called a watcher gave them to him and Sam.  He can't use them.  Oh, I found the rite they used to resurrect him and it has two very good counters if we can do that."

She gave him a hug.  "That's a bit of hopeful news.  I've showed Albus that last book and he did say he did have those things.  That they got that part right."

"Then we'll take that into account."  She nodded, bundling the jewelry back up. "I can keep it in there."

"I'll lock it in my office safe.  That way you don't have to worry about them, Mr. Potter."  She patted him on the cheek. "It is good to have you back."  She left, going to put those up.  Not even Dumbledore could get into them.

Hermione looked up from her reading.  "Xander shops a lot."

Harry laughed.  "It takes some of his time.  His boys complain when new things show up in their closets but they understand."

She smiled.  "They sound like they're happily together."  She went back to reading.

"He's got two blokes?" Ron asked.  Harry nodded.  "Why?"

"He loves them and it helps him wear himself out," Harry said simply.

"Do you need that, Harry?"

"I need a boyfriend or girlfriend but I'm still looking, Ron.  Why, you offering?" he teased with a grin.

Ron blushed.  "Not like that, but I'll support you getting buggered if you want," he taunted back.  "Want Bill?  I'm not sure but he might like boys."

"Bill's very cute according to Xander, but we'll see about that if I don't find anyone else.  For right now I'm handling it okay."  Hermione squeaked.  "You might want to skip the convention, yeah."  She flipped head, only skimming.  She hit him on the arm.  "Ow!  What was that for?"

"Show girls," she said bluntly.

"They were very pretty."

"Still disgusting."

"Not really.  That's a job like any other.  Though I'd imagine the shoes would hurt.  High heels and heavy costumes."  He shook his head before sitting up by his pillows.  "So, how was your hols, Ron?"

"Pretty good.  Mum was worried.  She nearly suggested I use veritaserum on you, Harry."  Harry just grinned.  "Show girls?" he mouthed.  Harry pointed at the book, getting a nod back.

She looked at them again.  "He pounced in front of you?"

"He was happy.  He's like that.  When he's backed up he sometimes forgets to wear clothes, Hermione.  It's not like they invited me to help."

She blushed.  "I'd hope not."  She went back to her reading.  It had been a good time by what she was reading.  She found a picture.  "Who're these?"

He leaned over.  "Dean's on the left, Sam's on the right.  Horatio is behind Sam.  His husband Timothy is beside him.  Xander, Danny, Don, and Ryan are in the front between the two groups."  She nodded, going back to it.  "They're all very nice people.  Horatio is a CSI."

"A criminalist?" she asked.  He nodded.  "Hmm.  Interesting."  She went back to her reading, finally handing the book to Ron before he snatched it from her.  "It sounds like you had fun.  Did you keep up with your studies?"

"We scried the last day before the hols to make sure we were up to date," he assured her.  She smiled and left, heading back to her room.  "When did she turn into a scary girl?"

"I don't know," Ron admitted, looking up the hallway.  "But she clearly is."  He waved it.  "Can I take it back with me?"

"Go ahead.  I've got to sort out the books."  He nodded, leaving Harry alone to sort out things.  He found two that he knew weren't his, taking them down to Malfoy's room.  He found Pansy in there and walked around her, handing them over.  "I think Xander meant for you to have those."

"I was studying from them.  Thank you, Potter."

"Welcome."  He left again, heading back to his room.  He found Snape in there.  "I ended up with two of Draco's books.  I was giving them back."

"I was sent by the headmaster to look at the books you brought back."  Harry waved a hand at the stacks.  "No organization?" he sneered.

"I just pulled them out, Professor.  I was going to do that before going to bed."  Snape huffed but looked them over.  "That's a classification manual in case something else shows up."  That was confiscated.  "It doesn't have how to summon them, just how to defeat them if I should need it."  It was handed back.  "Besides, I don't like demons that way.  I need someone my own age who can understand me."

"Good luck finding one.  They're all shallow at your age."

"Some are, some aren't.  I'll find someone eventually."  It felt very strange talking about this subject with him.  Snape did confiscate one book but Harry had already read it.  "That's one I've got for reference, sir.  I've already been through it."  His teacher glared.  "Not my fault.  It was a fascinating look at that set of skills.  Plus it has how to undo the resurrection."

"I'll look that over and give it back."

"That's fine.  It's on page twenty-eight if I remember right."  Snape nodded and left.  Harry piled his books in a better order beside the desk and settled in to read one of his fun reading books.  He deserved it.

***

Snape saw the boy the next morning come storming in.  "Not have a good night?"

"No, for some reason someone was in my room and stole half of my fun reading books and about a third of the others, plus about nine-tenths of my clothes," he said blandly, glaring at McGonagall.

"It was not me."

"You can find them so I can beat their arses," he pointed out.  She blushed but nodded.  "You can tell whoever to give the books back too."  He looked at Snape.  "I came to you because I found this in the bottom of my closet."  He handed over the torn badge.  "It looks like it ripped on the door since there's a screw sticking out."

"Interesting."  It was his house's badge.  "I will look for those things, Mr. Potter."

"Thank you, Professor."  He went to eat, finding Hermione there.  "Someone broke into my room."

"You're supposed to be more secure down there," she complained.

"I know."  He settled in to eat.

"Mr. Potter, why are you not in uniform?" the headmaster asked when he came in.

"Because someone unkindly broke into my room and stole them.  Be thankful I have more than lounging pajamas left, Headmaster."  The headmaster glared.  He stared back.  "Along with some of my books.  I'm very glad anything expensive was being stored by someone else."  McGonagall choked but calmed herself.  "At least I have clothes left," he said dryly.  "And they make me look good."

Hermione nodded.  "They do make you look good, Harry."

"Thank you."  He dug into breakfast, following McGonagall out when she motioned him to.  She cast the charms on his closet with Snape coming to check over her shoulder.  All his clothes were found in Slytherin, some in fairly bad shape because they had been cut up.  Nothing expensive, just his school uniforms.  She glared at the students whose room it was while Harry got to watch her chew them a new one.  They wouldn't admit to having his books.  He summoned them back, finding all but one came.  That one he summoned specifically.  They heard a crash up the hall and it came floating in anyway.  Harry carried them off, going to lock them in his trunk again.  Then stick his trunk in place.  Just in case they came back.  He came back to McGonagall's classroom.  "What am I doing about my uniforms?"

"You can wear decent enough clothes until this weekend.  We'll let you go to Madam Malkin's then, Harry."

He nodded.  "Thank you.  Has Fudge tried anything like confiscating my vault?"

"Not that I'm aware of.  I'll check.  Do you have your key?" He pointed at Dumbledore's office.  "You're an adult, why does he have it?"

"No clue," he admitted.  He went to class, shaking his head at Hermione's look. "Totally trashed my uniforms."

"That's a very US turn of phrase," she teased to make him lighten up.

"I did enjoy my time over there.  Maybe I'll go work on Xander's farm when the war is over with."  He settled in, Professor Flitwick was staring at them.  "Sorry."

"No uniforms still?"

"They decided to rip and cut them up, Professor.  Professor McGonagall said I could get more this weekend."

"That's acceptable."  He walked up to his podium.  "Does anyone remember what we were doing before the holidays?"  Harry raised his hand.  "Mr. Potter."

"I scired and it said the Intellos charm, Professor."

"Can you cast it?"

"Not very well but I can try."  He cast it on the student in front of him, who started to babble.  He removed it, looking at the professor.

"Not bad, five points, Mr. Potter, for keeping up with the rest of the class even though you were in another realm."  Harry grinned and he got back to teaching about that one.  It was a very useful charm when you wanted to know something from someone.  Like your girlfriend was the example he used.  Some of them got the point they could use it on others when they needed information.  Then he taught the counter to it.  They practiced for a bit, letting him watch the trio together.  Mr. Potter seemed very relaxed but something told him the boy was ready to snap on someone.

***

Harry walked into the bank with Ron.  Professor McGonagall had sent them together for protection.  He presented the key she had gotten from the headmaster.  The goblin looked at it then at him.  "I'm Harry Potter."

"I recognize you.  Someone has tried to get into your vault recently, Mr. Potter.  Would you know who?"

"I had to tell off someone about not becoming their plaything.  Since he's high in the ministry it might've been him.  Otherwise, no.  No one should have access but me since I'm eighteen."

The goblin looked at him.  "You are, aren't you?"  Harry grinned and nodded.  "Then we need you to fill out some paperwork before you do your shopping."

"That's fine.  Why did my headmaster have my vault key?"

"The Ministry put it into his control at his asking since you went to a muggle family."

"I see.  Thank you.  Which office?"  The goblin escorted him over, handing over the key.  "I was told I had some paperwork to fill out now that I'm an adult?"

"You do."  He looked at Ron.  "You wish him here?"

"He'll hear anyway if I have to rant."

"As you wish."  He found the proper file and handed it over.  "We had not realized or you would have done this before you started school this year."  Harry nodded, reading over the simple forms and only handing two back.  "There are problems?"

"No one has access to my funds but me," he said.  That got a nod and they were changed for him.  "Can you tell if anyone else has been into my vault beyond my school shopping needs?"

The goblin looked at him.  "Why do you wonder?"

"The headmaster kept my key even when I was in school."

"You were not old enough to act on your own behalf."

"I was seventeen last year.  I could have then.  From what I learned when I asked one of the Slytherins I could have had control of it at sixteen."

"He asked for twenty-one.  The courts gave him until you were eighteen."

"Why?" Ron asked.  "That seems dodgy."

"We were not privy to that discussion, just the judgement paperwork."  He let Harry finish signing and reading, taking one back.  He looked it over.  "Yes, that is worrisome."

"No, I won't sign that," Harry said.

"I can agree with that.  Those were his conditions, not ours."

"I'm over eighteen.  He has no right to control or demand anything."

"No he does not," the goblin agreed.  "Let us get an accounting for you."  Harry nodded, appearing relaxed.  "It is not a worry."

"My last teacher's bank had a problem with a demon that kept stealing his money to make him come to him for favorite concubine status."

"They cannot do that to ours.  Who were you training with?"

"Xander Harris."

The goblin blinked.  "That explains much."  Harry grinned.  "The problem that you thought it might be?"

"Fudge wanted me.  I said no."

"We will be watching for that sort of situation.  Let me get an accounting."   He took the papers with him, going to talk to their head goblin.  He had to know that Harry was one of them.  They came back together with the accounting.  "Mr. Potter, a question was raised.  Which reason did you go to train with him?"

Ron shut the door and leaned in front of it.  "I'm a level eight GHS," he said quietly.

The head goblin nodded.  "That makes sense with the contract Dumbledore wanted you to sign."

"He can blow me," he said bluntly.  "I'm not his either.  I'm my own man now."

"You are," the goblin agreed.  "Who has his inheritance and one from your godfather."

"Won't his remaining family protest?"

"No.  They were not given the chance to," the head goblin said, coming over to go through that with him.  Harry relaxed and they smiled.  "We do have certain safeguards in place so things that happened to your teacher can't happen here," he said once they were done.  "There is no way a demon can get access to our vaults.   They cannot drop off or take away from them.  We also have a special desk for when the ones like you get presents that you do not want."

"McGonagall has those for me," he admitted.   "In her safe."

"We'll talk with her if you wish."

He shrugged.  "I was going to keep them in case of emergencies."

"That's wise.  Gems do not often lose value," the head goblin agreed.  "We also have a vault monitoring service.  It has a small fee but it would let a goblin take care of paying bills and things if you do not feel you can do so yourself."

"As long as I stay worn out, I'm good with that," he admitted.  That got a nod.  "Thank you for offering though.  If I need it I will come ask."

"Excellent.  Now, this accounting was as of yesterday.  We did one when someone tried to gain entry without your say so.  The vault was coded to only let you in until you decided who had access on midnight of your birthday."

"Decent," he agreed with a grin.  He looked it over.  "I thought it was higher when I was younger.  That could have been size differences but was it?"

"A bit bigger.  The yearly fees were taken out.  Your own school shopping dented it some.  This withdrawal was for your tuition?"

"We pay tuition?" Ron asked, looking confused.

"We only pay it once during our school career?" Harry asked.  "The day after I got stolen during the TriWizard tournament?"

"That was an odd one to us as well.  Your guardian did so.  That was the entry he put."

"Hmm.  That's a lot for tuition."  They nodded.  "Can it be investigated?"

"We did but with that reason it was overlooked mostly."

"It won't happen again," Harry told them.  "No one has access to my vaults without a letter and my key or me personally.  Once I've got a permanent keeper I might change that."

"We agree."  Harry shook their hands, going down to get into his stash.  He came up and took the goblin with him, who stared at the vault.  "That was not on the accounting."

Harry looked down at him.   "I figure someone's got a bit of a math error?"

The head goblin shook his head.  "Give us ten days to investigate it, Mr. Potter."  Harry got his coins out, letting him count them to make sure it wouldn't be counted as part of the theft.  Then he and Ron went to the store.  His head of security came down to look, walking off grumbling to check the other vaults.  They would get it back.  Goblins still had warriors.  It'd be back by that night if they had their say.

Harry walked Ron into Madam Malkin's, getting a shocked look.  "Some nasty little Slytherins took my uniforms to rip up, Madam."

"Lets get you refitted then, Mr. Potter.  Mr. Weasley, did you need more as well?"

"I'm here to guard Harry thanks to McGonagall."

"We'll stop in on the twins and the sweet shop on the way back," Harry said with a grin.

"Thanks, Harry."  He watched while they got him new uniforms, letting Harry pay for it.  A quick stop at the sweet shop and they went to the twin's store.  "Morning," he called into the back.

The twins jumped in the lab, coming out to stare at them.  "You're back," one told Harry.

"You're tanned."

"Xander lives in Miami.  We spent some goofing off time at the beach.  Bikinis are very nice," he told them.  They smirked back.  "How have things been?"

"Mostly the same," Fred said.

"The Order's still working," George added.

"Find anyone..."

"Nice?" they asked in their usual style.

"Not to date but a few very good friends."

"Good," they decided together.  George got Ron something.  "For Granger.  She asked."

"Why?" Ron asked, looking it over.  "Which twit was bothering her this time?"  Both twins shrugged.  "Fine.  She owe you?"  They shook their heads.  "Decent of you.  We stopped in on our way back to the school.  The slytherins decided Harry didn't need uniforms."

"I look better in these clothes anyway," Harry pointed out.  They all laughed.  "I guess they wanted to stare."  He looked at the twins.  "Nothing's going on?"  They shook their heads.  "Good.  I may have some things that can help us.  Including a way of tracking types of magic through the whole pool of it."  That got a happy smile.  "And how to counter a resurrection.  That book nearly got confiscated but I've already been through it."

"Very good," Fred agreed.

"Hope it works soon," George agreed.

"Fudge is..."

"Getting impatient..."

"To make things end..."

"Soon as possible," they finished.

"He wanted Harry as his butt slave too," Ron said.  "Nearly got beaten to death for it."

The twins stared at Harry, who nodded.  "He did."

"Oh..."

"Dear."

"Mum know?" Ron asked.

"I'm not getting your mother in trouble, Ron.  She'll kill him."  Ron nodded.  The twins did too.  "You know, Ron offered me Bill as a boyfriend," he teased.

"Bill's not particular but he likes them older," George said.

"Pity," Ron decided.  "Harry could use a good sort to have as his own."  Someone walked in.  "Can we use your floo?"  They nodded.  "Thanks, guys.  See you in a few months if you don't pop up for a weekend in town."  They left while the mother was helping her daughter decide what she wanted.  They got back and Ron presented Harry to McGonagall.  "No problems," he said happily.  "Stopped in to use the twin's floo even."

"Good.  What took so long?"

"Paperwork at the bank," Harry told her.  "Including some very bad contracts put into it."  She grimaced.  "Do we pay tuition?"

"No.  Why do you ask?"

"Someone withdrew a large amount from my account for tuition the day after the last challenge of the TriWizard tournament."

She stared at him.  "Who?"

"The one who had the key and got my vaults put into guardianship."  She shuddered.  "You might tell him they showed me that, ma'am.  It's done but it won't be done again."  She nodded at that.  "Thank you.  Let me go put these up."  A house elf appeared and took them from him.  "Sure, if you want to, Dobby."

"Dobby likes to put up Harry Potter's clothes.  Harry Potter has many soft ones."

"I do," Harry agreed with a smile.  "I'll sort out the dry clean only stuff for you guys."

"House elves can do that too," he assured him.  He took them to the boy's room to put them up.  The soft things were missing.  He brought them back and put them back into the closet for him.  Then he put a tracing tag on all of them.  A few things were still missing so he found them as well.  Plus all of Malfoy's stuff.  He didn't like Malfoy but apparently Harry Potter did so he would try to be nice to him and his things.

Harry looked at the professor.  "Did I miss out on anything while I was over there?"

"No, it seems you kept up admirably, Harry."  Ron left them alone, taking his sweets back upstairs.  "Would you consider that one?" she asked quietly.

"He likes girls."

"Oh, I see."  She smiled.  "I'm sure you'll find someone soon."

"I'm okay as long as I'm handling myself.  It'll be fine.  Ron did offer me Bill but the twins said he liked older sorts."  She blushed, swatting him weakly.  He grinned back.  "I learned to do naughty very well."  He stood up.  "Let me go outside to enjoy the fresh winter air.  Miami was very warm."  He left to do that, finding some friends out there.  "Hey, guys."  They all smiled at him and invited him over.  He kicked around a soccer ball with them, enjoying the playing in the weak sunlight.  People would handle the problems going on around him.  He could be a boy for now and then a boy warrior later.

***

Harry made it all the way to March before he had problems.  He had avoided some herbs someone has put onto his bed.  He had avoided it in his tea one morning.  The one time they had managed to get him, he lost control during class and they never did it again.  His bank account was fixed to his satisfaction.  People were leaving his things alone.  He had only gotten a bit frustrated with studying but he had managed to keep himself from exploding all over the library.  Things were going well.  So in March, when he got a summons from the headmaster he was a bit shocked.  It was too early to be Voldemort.  He hadn't felt him for months from his scar.  He walked up there, using the password provided.  He walked in the inner door and paused at the sight of the people in there.  "We've had word?"

"He's not done anything recently and we're worried," Arthur told him.  "The twins said you think you can track him?"

"I can track blood magic.  I can track anyone who's accessed it if I have a feeling for them.  I can try.  I'll need to be outside the school's shields for a bit to do it though."  They all nodded.   "Let me get that book."  It was handed over by Dumbledore.  Harry glared at him.  "That's not in there, Headmaster."  Dumbledore flinched back.  "Did you take any of the others perhaps?"

"I don't think that knowledge is needed in this school, Mr. Potter."

"Considering all but one of these books is in the regular part of the library?"  Dumbledore went silent.  "Mr. Weasley, let me get that book.  I should know within an hour or so."  He left, going to find it and the book with the scrying spell.  He could use it here.  He walked off shaking his head when Hagrid gave him a worried look.  "Doing something for the Headmaster."  He walked into the edge of the woods and settled himself down, getting comfortable on the ground.  It was still a bit chilly but he had his cloak on.  He set up what he needed, adding a few bits of blood while concentrating on the taint he carried in him.  It showed him three sources finally.  He marked down where they were.  One was clearly not Voldemort but they had his blood.  He canceled it, blowing out the candles.  He found Mad Eye staring at him.  "Who gave Molly Weasley some of my blood?"

"I don't know.  Are you done?"

"I am.  He's here," he said, handing over the notes.  "The one that's not the Burrow."  He stood up and gathered his things, walking up with him.  He did turn and stun the creature trying to follow them.

"Good shot.  Good to know you're staying in practice."

"I have to.  People want me more now."  That got a nod.  They walked inside the castle and up to the headmaster's office, letting him in first.  "Mr. Weasley, why does your wife have my blood?"

"She's working on a potion, Harry."

"Okay, I was wondering.  I tracked the taint that my blood carries since taint goes both ways."  They all stared at him.  "It does.  It has to displace and replace to create a taint."  That got a slow nod from most everyone.  "He's there."  Mad Eye handed over the area.

"That's within ten miles?" the headmaster asked.

"No, that's where he was standing and peeing when I did the spell."  They stared.  "It tracked the blood he's spilled, which is linked to him by contagion."  He let Arthur see the book.  "He's there."  He looked at Mad Eye, taking the other book back.  "Thank you."  He settled in to look over how to cancel it, letting him see it.  "Can we do this?"

"Not in the middle of a battlefield, boy."

"If we had the potion part prepared, can we do that part, throwing it on him?"  He looked up.  "Or can we throw something on him that would knock him out so we can do the rest?"

"That's more doable."  He considered it, looking at Kingsley.  "Can we sneak up on him?"

"I hope so."  He took the note, looking at it.  "That really does work well to track."  He went to find his loyal aurors to take to that location.  They could scout it first and follow if they left to move their headquarters.

"Could he have tracked you back?" Dumbledore asked.

"He shouldn't have felt it.  Even then, he knows I'm here, Headmaster.  Where else would I be?"

"That's a good point," Arthur said.  "Can we scry, Harry?  Ron said you showed him you could do that."

"I need a good sized pool of water.  I learned doing it on a tub."  They went to the prefect's bathroom to scry.  He kept it as light as possible.  "If I get it any deeper he can hear and feel us," he said at the looks he was getting.  Voldemort was ordering his people to start a raid tonight.  They needed to draw Harry to them to defeat him.  Harry smirked.  He had learned how to do Xander's portal trick.  He wasn't great at it, but he could probably send something.  He waited until Voldemort was gone to send through the thing he wanted.  Xander had given it to him in case it helped while they were in the middle of a battle.  He tracked the planner to their ready room.  They had the map and everything in there.  He pulled the pin with his teeth once the small portal opened and dropped the hand grenade through.  Then he closed the portal and watched the table they were on explode and injure the death eaters.  He canceled it, standing up.  "Kingsley was in position.  I spotted an auror out the window."

"What was that?" Mad Eye asked calmly.

"Hand grenade.  Muggles use them in wars."  He smirked.  "Let's make them a bit paranoid.  Plus it broke up their plan to raid tonight."  He walked around the staring people, heading down to his room to change.  Xander was right, you needed special outfits to fight in.  He grabbed his sword and gun once he was redressed, coming out pulling on his cloak.  "Let's go," he told Mad Eye.

"There's no way," he started.

Harry paused to stare at him.  "You can come or not.  Ron, protect the school," he said when they ran into him.  "They're planning a series of raids and the school was marked on the map before I blew it up."

"Sure, Harry.  Let me tell the others."  He rushed off to do that.  "Harry said they're planning raids again," he said in Hermione's ear, making the teacher shriek at him.  She nodded, getting up and following to get her DA coin so they could gather the others.  "How would Harry have blown up the map?"

"Xander seems to know a lot about portals and Harry proved he can use one while scrying," she told him.  "He probably did it that way."

"Good of him."

***

Harry and the others appeared behind the aurors, letting Harry look at them with an evil smirk.  "Hand grenade to their planning map.  It had Hogwarts noted and they were planning a raid in Leeds."

"Good work.  Now what?"

"Now, they're running around expecting us.  Let them calm down from the paranoia and we'll see what we can do."  He patted himself down, then Snape down, finding the potion he had been carrying on him with him. "Thank you for holding that for me, Professor."  He snuck closer, going nearly up to the house before pouring it onto the ground.  Then he snuck back.

"What was that?" Kingsley demanded while the boy snuck off.

"A magic leeching potion," Snape said quietly.  They all smirked at that.  "It'll make it harder on everyone but mostly them."

"Excellent idea."  Harry made it back.  "Only the one?"

"I poured it next to the keystone for the house.  Shouldn't that weaken any protections on it?"  They all nodded, liking that idea.  "So now we wait and we watch."  More death eaters were appearing.  And one figure he knew.  "What is Dean doing here?" he muttered.  Dean flashed a hand signal.  "Oh, dear.  Xander's spotted that it's going to happen.   Dean's the forward scout."  He waited while Dean let loose with his hormones, cheering mentally.  Xander and Sam walked up to the front of the house behind him.

"Yo, fuck head," Dean called.  "Pitiful and pathetic one!"

One of the death eaters came out.  "Who are you?" he sneered.

"Xander, destroyer of realms."  He smirked.  "Come to challenge your putz because he's annoying me.  I don't want to be annoyed today."

"Never heard of you."  He raised his wand.  His wand turned to ash.  "How did you do that!" he shouted.

Xander snorted.  "Really pathetic, aren't you?"  They walked into the house and froze people, dragging out the one they wanted.  He waited while the aurors got everyone else, letting them circle the field.  He woke Voldemort up.  "How pathetic are you that an infant beat you?"

"He had some strange protection."  He stood up, looking around.  "You will not take me alive."

"That's fine since you're not really alive," Xander pointed out.  Voldemort pulled his wand.  Xander raised his hand and it turned to ash.  "Not looking forward to teeny, tiny stakes, dude.  If you need one, that just proves you're pathetic."

"I can do other forms of magic, boy."  He raised his hands.  Harry threw the potion on him.  Snape had been brewing it for months, he had found that out.  Voldemort screamed as the potion burned him.  "How dare you!" he shouted, turning to look at him.  "Potter."

"Not a child anymore," he said dryly.  He pulled his wand and hexed him, making him scream.  "Sam, will that unresurrect work?"

"Did you get the other things?"

"All but his pet snake," Harry told him.

"Got her," Dean said.  "She was freaky and trying to bite Sammy.  Silver cures her too."  Voldemort let out another scream of rage.  "Dude, way loud and annoying."

"Very annoying," Xander agreed.  "Harry?  Or should I do to him what I've done to so many demons?"

"I can."  He gathered himself and cast the killing curse, getting it right the first time.  Voldemort went down.  He saw the ghoul trying to form and got it too.  Xander handed him something from the bag on Sam's back.  "Capturing?"

"In case he got that far," he agreed.

The ghoul faded and the body fully died.  Harry relaxed.  Dean gave him a pat on the back, getting a smile back.  "Now what?" Harry asked.  "Do we bury him again to let someone else try sometime?"

"We'll be cremating him," Dumbledore said calmly.

Dean pulled out rock salt and lighter fluid, dusting the body liberally before pouring on the lighter fluid.  Then a simple match was struck and the body went up.  "There, bonfire of bad guy.  Keeps all spirits from coming back too."

"That's the reason behind rock salt," Harry agreed with a grin.

"We taught you good, kiddo."  He ruffled his hair.  "Need a trim again.  You'll make Xander fuss."

"He likes to fuss.  It gives him great joy."  He let Xander hug him.  "Better than yours?"

"Cleaner than any I've been in," he agreed.  He let Harry shelter against his side while the body finished burning.  "There we go," he said when it was finally out.  He looked at Mad Eye.  "Need more help?"

"No, we're good.  Are you taking Potter with you?"

"Do I need to?"  He looked at Dean and Sam then at him.  "Are others going to try for him?"

Harry looked at him.  "You saw Fudge?"

"Yeah, saw him go down because the demon told us."  He smirked.  "Good job, Harry.  Even if you didn't summon him."  He walked him off, Dean and Sam following.  "Sometimes things like this take brains, cunning, and a bit of hellmouth style magic instead."  He tweaked the boy's nose.  "Call us if you need us, kiddo.  We'll show up.  You or Draco.  You know, you could take him in."

"I doubt he'd like that idea."

"Probably not.  But it'd be safer for both of you if someone like Fudge tries again."  Harry nodded at that wisdom.  "Remember that in case it has to happen.  Oh, left something for you at the school."  He blew a kiss and they disappeared together.

Harry looked around.  "I'm going back to the school if no one needs me?  I'm a bit exhausted."

"Go," Snape ordered.  Dumbledore was still horrified and shocked.  "Take supper in tonight."

"Definitely."  He left, going back to the school.  The kids watching the entry stared at him.  "Bonfire of bad guy complete."  They cheered.  "The others are being wrapped up now."  They let him pass, letting him head down to his room.  He changed and put those clothes carefully away.  He probably wouldn't wear them again but that was fine.  He laid down on his bed for a rest until someone pounded.  "What?" he called.

"Are you injured?" Hermione demanded.

"No.  I'm fine.  Just exhausted."

"Good."  She stomped off.

"She'll make someone a super fussy mum some day," he decided, letting himself drift off now.  He was woken by someone coming into his room.  His hand was on his gun before they more than got the door open.

"Hold on," Draco ordered.  "Dinner."  He handed over the tray.  "The house elves wouldn't come in because you had weapons out."

"He's gone."

"Good."

"Xander decided some day we might have to protect each other, said to keep it in mind and he left us something?"

Draco grimaced.  "He told me the same thing.  It's in my room."  He went to get it and brought it back.  "He said it goes inside your trunk."

Harry opened it, looking at the box.  "What is it?"

"There's a note, Potter.  Read it," he snorted, leaving him alone.  He went to celebrate with some of his house.

Harry nibbled his way through his dinner, enjoying letting his mind work without him for a bit.  It could have nightmares about the last battle without his help.  He'd worry about his soul turning black later.  Someone else knocked.  "I'm still dressed."  Thankfully since too many people were coming to talk to him.  Snape walked in.  "Thank you for making that potion, Professor."

He crossed his arms so his hands went up his sleeves.  "It was well worthy to do.  Are you done with dinner?  There are officials here."

"They couldn't send McGonagall?  I seem to see you more than I see my head of house."

"She's presently berating some of them.  As for other times, you're in my territory."

"I can understand that."  He took one last gulp of juice, did a cleaning spell on his mouth, and they headed up there.  He walked into the screaming match in the office.  "Well, this is nice."  Nothing.  "People?" he called.  No stopping the screaming match.  He whistled.  Nothing.  "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he shouted.  That stopped them.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for that language," McGonagall snapped back.

He shrugged.  "I tried to be more polite, Professor.  You were too busy beating someone verbally.  Should I step in to help?  Spare your lungs for class?"

She smirked.  "Smartass," she said.

"I did learn that as well."  He looked at the huffy official.  "You wanted to see me?"

"You're to be put under arrest for casting an unforgivable curse."

"How did you want me to end Voldemort?" he asked impatiently.  "I could have stabbed him or shot him but that might have rebounded."

"Still.  It is illegal."

"Then arrest me and we'll se what the Wizengomet says," he said simply, shrugging a bit.  "Not like I give a damn if the rest of you die at the moment."  The man stepped back, looking scared.  "I've had about enough of Fudge and his minions of stupidity trying to make themselves looked more puffed up than they are.  Even if we inserted an air hose up their arses, they still won't fly without a broom."  He stepped closer, making the man back up looking even more scared.  "You do realize you're getting me just hours after a battle to save your's and others' hind ends from that evil ghoul?  And that most people after a battle aren't really considered rational?  Especially after their first or second one?"  The man shook.  "I see you didn't.  Feel lucky I'm going with logic instead of turning you into a greasy spot.  If you wanted me to do it in a different way, then you should have stopped him yourself.  You and the aurors didn't manage that because Fudge and others got in the way.  So go after the ones who made it so an eighteen-year-old boy had to do it himself.  Thankfully not alone this time."  The man dove for the floo and headed back.  He looked at McGonagall.  "Can you come see what the present Xander left me does?  I can't figure it out even with the note."

"I can do that," she agreed, walking him back down there.  "Relax.  That is idiocy and reaction, Harry," she said quietly.

"I know.   I've seen it in action before when someone took Xander."  She let out a small laugh.  He let her into his room and showed it to her with the note.  "What does it do?"

She tested it then smiled, letting him see.  "It creates a small, localized portal to a demon bazaar it looks like."

"Brilliant," he said happily.  She patted him on the head then left.  "Why does everyone want to pet me like I'm the dogs?" he asked himself.  He shook himself free. His mind was coming up with strange thoughts so he wouldn't have to worry about the war.  He tested it.  He could get through it.  He came back out and shut the trunk again, putting it back where it should be.  He decided to put his books up, laying them all in there beside the portal.  Then his extra clothes.  Including the outfit he had taken off earlier.  Then he closed it up and put it back into its spot.  He picked up a funny book to read again, trying to relax again.  About the time he was ready to fall asleep someone else came to get him.  He blinked at the headmaster.  "More problems from Fudge?"

"No.  He's decided to leave you alone, Harry.  I thought you might want to talk."

"I'm fine.  It wasn't my first fight, Headmaster."

"I know that but sometimes you need to talk about those things."

"That's what I have Ron for."  He nodded, patting Harry on the arm before leaving.  "At least it wasn't on my head."  He felt woozy and grabbed his forehead.  "Oh, that's charming."  He grabbed his wand to cast a counter to whatever it was.  His magic wasn't going to work this time.  He couldn't quite figure out which end of his wand he held.  He passed out still trying to figure that out.

Draco had seen it happen and sneered.  "That's a fine reward," he said bitterly.  He got Snape up there with a house elf while he watched.  He pointed when he saw the Headmaster come back and them carrying Harry out toward the entry.  "They drugged him," he said quietly.  "Do something or I will."

"I shall."  He went to intercept them.  "Headmaster, is he ill?  I know that potion can bother his natural magic as well if he got any on him."

"No, he's fine.  We're moving him somewhere safer while the politics calm down, Severus."

McGonagall came out with her wand in hand.  "Put the boy down," she ordered.  "He's not leaving this school."

"I'm taking him somewhere safer," Dumbledore told her.

"I'm sure you think you are.  I'm equally certain the boy wouldn't want that without his knowledge."

"He's a boy."

"He's eighteen.  No longer a boy you can control.  Put him down!"  They put the boy down gently and moved away.  "Mad Eye!"  He came jogging out of the office.  "Take Harry back to his room and guard him please?"

"Why is he knocked out?"

"I'm assuming someone drugged him."  Snape nodded.  "Who saw?"

"Mr. Malfoy sent me to stop them from making a grievous error."

"Good of the boy.  Take him to his room, Alistair."  He carried the boy that way with Tonk's help.  "Out."  They ran.  She glared at Dumbledore.  "He will destroy you if you hurt him, Albus.  We all know that."  She walked off in a huff to check her student.  She quite liked his spirit and nature sometimes.  "Is he all right?"

"Snoring," Mad Eye said.  "Cute clothes."

"Xander shops for stress relief."

"I guess if you have the money to do it," he decided with a grimace.

"Harry said it built his stamina quite a lot," she said.

"Interesting way to do it."  They were all alert when the hex hit them, knocking them out.  Dumbledore took the boy with him to his safer place.

***

Harry woke up in a room without a door.  "Oh, not this shite again," he muttered.  He made himself sit up to look at the room around him.  "Hmm."   Then he smirked.  Someone had left a hidden doorway.  How nice of them.  He got up and felt around it.  Hidden by magic.  He unraveled the magic in the room, making it reappear as it was.  He walked out and found the people in the house.  Including Fudge.  Who was complaining the boy should be his.  Harry let loose with his hormones.  He'd had enough and it was time to make them sorry for coming near him.  "No, no one can have me," he said bluntly.  "I wish you people would know what it was like to have the same sort of problems I do."

A wish demon appeared beside him.  "Just to have them wanted or to have them kidnaped like they did?" she asked.

He frowned, looking at her.  "You guys can get here?  I thought it was only in Xander's realm."

"No, we're multi-realm.  Which way did you want it, Harry?"

"I want them to know what it's like to be wanted by something they hate and would rather die than accept," he said bluntly.  "Like them."  He walked off.

She giggled.  "Wish granted, dear.  Thank you."  She waved a hand and the whole house howled as things that wanted them that they wouldn't want back tried to take them.  She walked off happier.  Harry was looking around outside.  "You're in the Carribean."

"I've never been here before.  Is my wand here?"

"I didn't feel a wand."

"Crap.  Time to put theory into practice."  He concentrated.  Nothing.  He looked around.  It was clearly a wizarding village because the people on the beach were wearing robes.  He walked that way, finding one staring at him.  "Is there a Gringotts nearby?"  She pointed.  "Thank you."  He walked in there, stunning the goblins.  "Stupid fuckers kidnaped me as a prize for winning the war.  Can I find a local travel agency and get enough out of my vault in England to get home?"

"Of course, Mr. Potter."

Harry raised an eyebrow.  "You know me?"

"You've been in the papers.  Your friends and teachers have been calling around to find you."

"Can we call them back maybe?  Charge to my vault?"

"I can get the local Ministry here."

"Thank you."  The goblin summoned an auror, who gasped when seeing him.  He looked at himself then at her.  "I know, the loincloth was in bad taste; I didn't dress myself.  But the nice vengeance demon took care of that for me.  Can you help me get home?  I just woke up about a half mile away."

"Where?  Can you show me first?"  Harry walked her back there, letting her check the house.  They were struggling with some nasty looking things.  She came out green.  "What did you do, Mr. Potter?"

"I made a wish."  She went pale.  "The very nice vengeance demon is showing them what it's like to be wanted by things that you don't want to have you.  I think it's very kind of her to help me when I got myself free of Dumbledore."

"You're sure?"

"He's in there somewhere.  The last person I remember seeing was him patting me on the arm and then I got really dizzy and passed out."

"I see.  We can test you for that.  Let me take you to the office?"

"Please.  I'd like to get home to my own clothes."  He shifted.  "I don't mind bathing suits but loin clothes are a bit much."

"Someone probably had a jungle boy fantasy," she snorted.

"Quite possibly.  I don't care because I don't want any of them and Fudge is about to get my foot up his ass for trying again."

"He did what?"

He smiled.  "Kingsley Shacklebolt has the whole report, ma'am."

"I'll call him for you.  Which department is he in?"

"Aurors.  The head auror."  She nodded, making note of that on the way to the office.  He walked in and sighed in pleasure.  "Ahh, air conditioning.  I miss it from Xander's house sometimes."

"Where does he live?"

"Miami but in another realm.  He's the one who trained me in my little hormone problem.  He was there at the last battle as well."

She gave him a horrified look.  "The demon destroyer was there?"

"He trained me," he said simply.  "I hadn't known but he and his other two students showed up."

"Oh, dear."  She took him to her boss.  "Sir, look who Gringotts called to have us find."

"Where was he?"

"In a house with five or six other guys being tormented because Mr. Potter here wished them to know what it was like to be him.  Wanted by something that they didn't want."

He grimaced.  "Those poor men."

Harry shrugged.  "They do it to me.  I thought it was fair."

"It is, son.  Go ahead and sit down.  Make a report, Lalia."

"Yes, sir."  She went to arrest them.  It might help and save them some, but she could tell them that to get them to confess while her boss talked to Mr. Potter.

***

Harry stepped out of the floo, looking around Hogsmeade.  "Nothing much ever changes."  He walked off, shaking his head at the curious looks.  "The Carribean that I saw was very pretty," he said lightly.  He walked up to the school, finding someone waiting on him.  "Hagrid."  He gave him a hug.  "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not being like him."  He looked up.  "I met a vengeance demon.  She seemed very nice and she giggled as well."

"You need a rest, Harry."

"I know.  I'm heading to Madam Pomfrey.  My rooms?"

"Still there.  McGonagall's ready to spit nails."  He walked him up to her, watching as she hugged him.  "He said he met a vengeance demon too."

"That way people could know what it was like to be wanted so badly by people they don't want."

McGonagall winced.  "That's a bit mean, Harry."

"They deserved it.  I woke up in a loincloth."  She shuddered.  "The ministry's exam said I didn't get touched at least.  Can I go nap in the infirmary to make sure I don't disappear again?"

"Please do.  Your things are still in your room and no one else would dare touch you."

"Including the idiots who wanted to arrest me?"

"No, they were probably down there."

"I did see Fudge," he admitted.  "The headmaster too."  He walked off shaking his head.

"It's sad such a great man could be taken down by his lust for a boy," Hagrid said.

"Yes it is but it's better that he's having fun fighting off things down there than up here where I would strangle him."  Hagrid smiled.  "Thank you, Hagrid."  He left her alone to vent again.  She needed to be calmer.  She knew she did.

Harry walked into the infirmary and hopped up onto his usual bed.  "This way no one's going to steal me again," he said when Madam Pomfrey came closer.  She ran her wand over him, earning a smile.  "They checked, none of them touched me beyond redressing me in a loin cloth."

"That's disturbing."

"That's why I had them check."  He looked at her.  "Draco all right?"

"He's fine.  Still here.  Ranting that you got stolen."  She tucked him in.  "You rest, Mr. Potter.  Let us handle things."  She went to make notes about what she saw.  Hermione ran in but she stopped her.  "Let him sleep."

"I'll guard him," she said firmly, getting free so she could sit beside Harry's bed.  "Oh, Harry," she moaned quietly.

"The last I knew I wasn't your boyfriend," Harry said dryly, looking over at her.  "Bedside vigil is a girlfriend thing, Hermione."

"Oh, hush, you," she said, swatting him.

"Ow," he complained, rubbing it.  "Mean wench."

She gave him a look.  "I am not."

He smirked.  "Mean or a wench?"

"A wench."

"That's just a lady without manners," he teased.

"It's clear that you'll be fine," she said dryly.

He nodded.  "This way no one else can steal me.  Let them steal Draco a few times before they get me again."

"Snape's kept him in sight at all times," she reported.  "That way he can't disappear too."

"Not my plan," he pointed out.  "Anything new missing from my room?"

"I think Ron's taken a picture to scowl at while you were missing."

"That's fine."  He yawned and flipped onto his side facing away from her.  "I'll be up for dinner."

"That's fine.  I'm here to make sure you stay here."

"I'm sure your classes are missing you," Madam Pomfrey stated firmly.

"He'll need protected."

"Young lady, I am a witch as well as a mediwitch," she stated firmly.  "Out!  Now!"  She huffed but left.  She rolled her eyes.  "Some year she'll make someone a very scary, overprotective mother."  Harry laughed but nodded.  "I'll tell the rest to see you at dinner."

"Thank you."  She closed the curtains around his bed and went back to her desk.  Harry let himself doze for now.  The trip had been a long one.

***

Draco walked up to Harry in the hall in front of their rooms, staring at him.  "Why did they take you?"

"Fudge wanted me.  Again.  He even had a loincloth put on me."

"Eww.  That's almost a fate worse than castration."

"The vengeance demon that made him know what it's like to be wanted by something you don't want was very nice," he said with a mean smirk.

"Xander warped you," he said bluntly.

Harry laughed.  "Probably.  Anyone try for you?"

"Snape said he got one offer but singed them with the howler he sent back to embarrass them.  My mother has hopes."

"Aren't you old enough now to claim the Malfoy fortune?"

"Technically, Father has to be dead.  Wanted and presumed dead isn't enough."

"They didn't capture him at the house?"  Draco shook his head.  "He was there, I saw him pop in."

"I'll look into that."

"Better you than him wanting another toy to prove his worth," Harry said dryly.

"My father wouldn't...."  Harry gave him a pointed look.  "Never mind, he might but we'd have to kill him for that."

"I'd have to kill him for that," Harry pointed out.

"True.  Saves us some bloodshed in the family."  He walked off happier with that thought, writing a letter to the aurors stating that Harry had seen his father at the house during the arrest.  Not many could mistake Lucius, his hair was distinctive.

Harry went to lounge in his room for a while.  Rescuing himself was hard work.  No wonder Xander had so much stamina.

***

The day after graduation, Harry got three offers for lunch and two for dinner.  He refused them all but Ron's, which he told he was going to do a bit of traveling.  He'd understand.  He put everything in his trunk into a bottomless bag Xander had given him then walked through that portal Xander had left for him.  The demon bazaar was wonderful!  He had no idea some of these things were around.  His trunk would be sent to Ron in a few days.  There were instructions not to lock or use it.  He could wander from bazaar to bazaar until he got tired of being alone.  Not lonely because he found an occasional companion now and then for some fun.

It was nice to travel and just be Harry.  Even his hormones didn't cause him *too* many problems.  Usually it was easily solved.  Especially at the weapons bazaar.  They treated him like the son of Xander for some reason.  He guessed Xander had been there recently so he left a message with someone for him.  He came out of the portal on his last day, looking around the trunk.  It had things in it but the bottomless nature was working in his favor.  He only had to think about getting to the top and then knocking until someone let him out since the lid wouldn't open from the inside.   Ron opened it and stared in horror as he stepped out with his bags, putting them down with a grin.

"Harry, you barmy git, it's been nearly a year!" he yelled.

"Really?"  He checked his watch.  "Huh, only six months according to it.  Must've been the time dilation."  He got a hug from Ron and waved behind his back at Ginny.  "Hi, Gin."

"Harry!"  She piled on to hug him too.  "How did you get up here?"

"The portal Xander left me is in my old trunk."  He winked at her.  "Went to a demon bazaar so I spent the last little bit wandering the bazaar and all the others it was connected to.  They have some really amazing stuff.  I even got to free a few of us who wanted freed."  He grinned at Ron.  "So, how's the Cannons?"

"You've been gone a year and you want to know about *quidditch*?" Ron demanded.

"I haven't seen a game in a while," he said dryly.  He let Ron pull him downstairs to his mother's kitchen.  "Hi, Mrs. Weasley."

"Harry, where did you come from?"

"The portal Xander left me after the battle was in my trunk.  It went to a demon bazaar.  I traipsed from one to another all around.  The one in the Himalayas was very cold."  He sat down, watching her.  "What's been going on?"

"Fudge wants you dead for that curse," Ron said.  "He got turned down by the Wizengomet when he tried to charge you.  They said he deserved it."  Harry nodded.  "Dumbledore retired quietly just after graduation when he realized you weren't anywhere he could find.  Supposedly to apologize."  Harry grimaced but nodded at that.  "Then there's been three small attacks but the people fought back.  They're all gone.  Malfoy is in control of his fortune.  He found his father hiding and killed him.  He floated his body into the bank to give them proof he was dead since they were being fussy about it and then to the aurors when one showed up to scream and rant at him."

"Draco simply shooed them off," Ginny agreed.  "He's becoming a strange git."

"He's finally free.  Now he has to figure out who Draco is, not Daddy's shadow Draco was."

"Maybe but he's still being a strange, quiet git."  He swatted Harry again.  "Demons?"

"They have some fascinating things at their bazaars.  Some humans can get into, some you can't.   I've basically been around the world a few times doing that.  I saw a lot of amazing places while I was traveling."  He looked over as Arthur came in.  "Good morning."

Arthur frowned.  "It's not morning, Harry.  Where have you been?"

"Traveling through the portal Xander left me."

"He's been to demon bazaars all over the world," Ginny told him.

"I see."  He stared at the boy.  "They're calling for your arrest again, Harry.  You have very bad timing."

"I can go soothe them."  He stood up.  "Let me do that.  I'll be back in time for dinner."  He popped out, heading to the front door of the Daily Prophet.  He smiled.  "Hello."

"Where have you been?" a reporter demanded.

"My trainer left me a portal to get to a demon bazaar in case I needed to get away.  It's been a wonderful bit of traveling around the world.  Who wants me now?"

"Fudge."

"He's still in office after he kidnaped me?" he demanded.  She swallowed, looking stunned.  "Didn't hear how I disappeared right after the battle?"

"No."

The editor came puffing out.  "It is you."

"It is me.  No one heard why I disappeared after the battle?"

"It was covered up.  Said you wandered off."

"I was rather unconscious so I don't see how I could have.  Especially since they took me from Hogwarts.  Had the headmaster do it."  The editor smirked.  "I woke up in a loincloth in the Carribean.  Fortunately wish demons are nice."

"That part we heard about.  He's saying it was an illegal cursing and you did it to get out of trouble for casting an unforgivable."

"How else did he want me to end Voldemort this time?"  He shrugged.  "The man's a bit loose in the head again, huh?"

"Very."

"Maybe it's a demonic venereal disease."  He shrugged.  "Anyway, I'm back from my post-graduation road trip.  My trainer had one and he encouraged it to learn more about how the real world works.  I had a lot of fun.  Can we go to the Wizengomet now since he wants me so much?" he asked with a smile.

"Oooh, another battle?" the reporter asked.

"Only if they make me.  I'm not really that violent.  No matter what anyone says."  He brushed his hair back.  "Need another trim too.  Have to find that huge off-world bazaar with the nice people who worship good hair."  They both looked stunned.  Harry grinned.  "Xander brought me before school.  That's why we were late.  Some furry ones wanted to play with his hair."

"I see," the editor said.  "We can go together, Mr. Potter."

"Sure.  That way they can't cover it up this time."  The editor smirked because he understood perfectly.  Harry got walked into the ministry and down to the chambers, ignoring security totally when they demanded his wand.  One good glare and they backed off.  They walked in and found Fudge ranting about how vile he was.  "Am I really?" he asked dryly, making Fudge wet himself.  "I come back from a marvelous time on a post-graduation roadtrip to find you, who kidnaped and drugged me, who wanted to try to own me and rape me night and day until I broke and gave in, ranting because I protected myself.  That's not very just, Minister Fudge."

"How dare you," he sneered.

Harry stared him down.  "I dare a lot.  I remember turning you down in your office that day."

"You summoned that demon."

"No.  I didn't.  No one in the school did.  The demon admired some of us and wanted us to stare at for inspiration.   Since it wasn't compatible with human beings it couldn't want more than that.  It decided you were being mean to the one it wanted.  So he decided to have you dealt with for ruining his fantasy."  The head judge coughed.  "Yes, ma'am?"

"Mr. Potter."  He stepped forward.  "He said you unjustly cursed him."

"I was drugged and removed from the school, Your Honor.  I woke up naked except for a loincloth.  Fortunately the ministry down there said that no one had sex with me while I was unconscious."  She went pale.  "We're not sure if they touched me other ways but I had no receptive sex was what they told me."  He looked at Fudge then at her.  "I was escaping after waking up in a sealed room.  I said I wished they knew what it felt like.  The wish demon appeared.  As far as I know they cannot unjustly curse someone."  He unshrank a book from his pocket, looking it up.  "The one who they come to grant wishes for must believe in the justness of the curse and have emotion behind it."  He let her see.  "I traveled through a number of demon bazaars to see the world for the last year," he said with a grin.

"I see.  Are you consorting?"

"No!  I found a few very pleasant species who only wanted to talk about things.  I found one holy cloister of nun demons who wanted to talk about flying on a broom."  She almost smiled.  "They had wings until they took their vows.  Then they had to have them clipped.  They missed it."

"I would imagine they would.  Unholy or holy?"

"Holy.  Their holy water burned even me."

"Good to know.  What brand of nun were they?"

"Coptic."

"Interesting."  The other judges nodded.  "Is that source considered definitive?"

"By the one who trained me, yes.  He got it from someone called a watcher."

"I've heard of them in a book my daughter likes to read," one said.

"To them we're books, sir.  I brought back the series so we could look over the last book for clues on how to handle him.  I gave them to McGonagall but I know she shared with Snape and the headmaster."

"That's an interesting tidbit.  Was this issue of yours in there?"  He shook his head.  "Very well.  How accurate was it?"

"Fairly.  About eighty percent."

"Very interesting," the head judge agreed.  "Right now we need to decide if the young man cursed him unfairly."

"Is there an unfair way of cursing someone when you're trying to get free of them keeping you a slave?" Harry asked.  "I was always it was fair if you got away cleanly and safely."

"That is a consideration.  We do have the casefile from the Carribean?"  It was handed down.  "Why is it censored?"

"Because Minister Fudge said so," the editor said.  He took it out of his bag.  "When he said that I had someone grab my copy that I had a source copy from their original version."

She looked it over to compare it.  "It is complete and it seems to be the same on the parts that aren't blacked out."  She passed it around.  Most of them glared at Fudge.  "Mr. Potter, why trust a vengeance demon when she showed up?"

"Because I was going to kill him.  My teacher is well known for destroying those who have taken him captive.  He taught me very well how to do it if I needed to.  I was a bit surprised when she showed up but it was a kinder fate than any I would have given him if I had my wand with me.  Thankfully I'm skilled with knives, guns, swords, battle axes, and other instruments if the need becomes critical."  He looked at Fudge, whose wet spot was now larger.  He looked back at the judges.  "I was about to when she showed up."

"I think that's reasonable," Draco Malfoy said, handing it back.  Harry nodded politely to him.  He nodded back.  "I'll abstain from voting since Minister Fudge has since tried to claim my arse as his as well."

"The way we were taught, there is no one who is entitled to own one of us unless we grant them that right.  If we do not, we are to do everything in our power to make them miserable or to destroy them as we get ourselves free," Harry told her.

"I can see why."  She reread the report, looking at Fudge.  Then back at the editor.  "Did you bring any other evidence?"

"Two things, ma'am."  He pulled them out, handing them over.  "The report of the first time Minister Fudge tried to claim Harry.  If I may be so bold as to use your first name?"

"This time," Harry allowed.

He nodded.  "Plus a statement from his trainer that if he had to come back here to save Harry the wizarding world was going to be shocked and appalled by what happened to him."  He handed over that note as well.

Draco took that one to look at immediately.  "From Dean.  Not fully our trainer but one of his former students that helped him."  He handed it over.

The head judge looked at him.  "I remember your father taking something to mimic problem, Draco."

"Hence it caused me," he said dryly. "I'm only a quarter as bad as he is."

"That's good to note."

"The more who know the more times we have to save ourselves," Harry warned.

"This will be sealed in the archives, Mr. Potter.  Only the outcome will be known.  Why did you bring him?"

"To be blunt, I'll be damned if I want another coverup to come back and annoy me when I'm finally happy."

"Good.  Very blunt as well.  Try to modulate that."

"Yes, Your Honor."  She really did sound like Hermione on a mothering kick.

She read it over.  "I see no proof that it was an unfair curse."

"I'm the Minister for Magic," he started.

"Who was in a foreign country with five others in the house," Draco said firmly.  "Partying while you held someone hostage in a magically sealed room.  If you had touched him, we would be arguing about having you kissed."  Fudge shrank back.  "Potter, you are dismissed."  The head judge looked at him.  "I figure he's tired since he's leaking wandless magic."

"Sorry, didn't realize."  He pulled it back in.

"Thank you for that warning.  This is the third time you've tried to bring this claim before us.  We've told you all the other times it was a pointless thing and you deserved it."

"The Rule of Threes," Draco said smugly, "states that whatever you do, good or ill, will come back on you three times."  Fudge gave him a horrified look, starting to whimper.  "Can we remove him?"

"The election isn't for another few weeks," one reminded him.

"I can make sure everyone knows that he's a kidnaper and wannabe rapist," the editor said happily.

"That's a bad punishment but I do believe that wasting the court's time and energy, plus disgusting us with your bad manners to piss on yourself, should be punished as well.  You will be spending six months in Azkabahn.  Starting immediately."  The guards came forward to grab him.  "You are also to compensate Mr. Potter for taking him that way and making him miss classes right before his NEWTs.  You are to pay all court costs as well."  She banged her gavel.  "Have a good trip, Minister.  I hope we never see you again."  He was dragged out protesting and spluttering.  "I hope Mr. Potter never has to retrieve himself from such a severe circumstance again.  If so, reasonable methods are good but if you must, you must."

"There was the point raised that someone still wanted to arrest me for killing Voldemort."

"That was an act of war, Mr. Potter.  War has many unforgivable things.  You casting one ended the suffering of many and the worry of even more.  That is what we decided while you were on your trip."  Harry nodded and bowed.  "Go home, Mr. Potter.  Try to be safe."

"I plan on it once I figure out where I'm living."  He smiled and left, letting the editor follow.  "Thank you."

"Welcome, Mr. Potter.  Thank you for that juicy exclusive."

"Just don't get throngs down onto my house please."

"I'd never do that.  You might hex us too."  He ran back to his office to write that up and put out a special edition.

Harry went to the bank to check on his accounts.  "Hello."

"Mr. Potter," one said, coming out to meet him.  "We heard you had a long trip.  How was it?"

"Quite enlightening.  I found many species of demons that I can respect and who didn't want to own me."

"Excellent.  Are you back?"

"I am.  I was going to take stock of my accounts, get a bit out for a room for a few nights, then decide where I'm settling down and how."

"That's a rational move."  He walked him into his office to do that for him.  He came back with the accounting.  "You have earned some nice interest.  You've also pre-rented an apartment through that group."

"I did?"  He was handed that sheet.  He smiled.  "Xander."  He handed it back.  "Do you have the keys?"

"I do."  He handed them over with the slip for the address.  "It's prepaid for the next year."

"Thank you.  Then I should only need enough for some food and things."  He yawned.

"That's also doable.  Someone did try to access your funds for the headmaster but they were turned away."

"Excellent."  He took that note to look over.  "Any idea how she got talked into it?"

"No.  I was not told that."

"I'll ask."  He shook his hand.  "Thank you for your help."

"You're welcome."  He let the boy go down to his vault for some coins then head out to check out his apartment.

***

Harry walked into the back door of the Burrow, finding both parents looking worried.  "Xander found me an apartment when he heard I was coming back.  Now all I have to do is figure out what sort of job I'm doing."  He hugged Arthur and kissed Molly on the cheek.  "How did he blackmail you?"  She sighed, shrugging.  "I know he had to."

"He was saying he'd have Ginny held back, which would make her unhireable."

"I figured it was something to do with one of the kids.  I'm not mad.  You let the goblins know what they needed to know to foil his attempt."  He smiled.  "Now, relax."  Molly relaxed.  "I'm going to head to my place tonight so I get a good night of sleep without Ron fussing over where I was."  She nodded.  "When he's ready, I'll take floo calls.  That way he can calm down and not fuss as much."  He winked and went to get his things from Ron's room, including his old trunk.  The stuff inside got put onto Ron's bed, then he left.  His new apartment was fully warded and he felt safe there.  It was a good feeling.  He ordered some chinese food and settled in to watch tv.  He could enjoy this until he could find a job.

***

Draco knocked on Potter's door, looking at him.  "You picked up bad habits, Potter."  He walked in and let him close the door behind him.  "Just boxer shorts?"

"I was going to switch to an adult channel in a few minutes.  Once this show went off."  He turned it off.  "What's wrong?"

"Xander wrote me."  He handed over the letter.

Harry read it.  Xander was matchmaking again but he did have some news.  "How would he hear about someone like that from here wanting us?"

"I have no idea," he admitted.  "Maybe a demonic contact or something."  He lounged in his seat.  "I think he's being pushy for no reason."

"He thinks it could protect us both," Harry told him.  Someone pounded so he got up to let Ron in.  "What's happened?" he asked, seeing the fury.

"Hermione and I broke up."

"Why?" he asked, giving him a hug.

Ron got free, starting to pace.  "I found something of hers that showed she had been seeing someone behind my back.  She said she didn't mean to but she couldn't help it.  They soothed her academic side, but she said they hadn't been physical."  He snorted, throwing up his hands.  "I told her to soothe her brain and he probably didn't realize she was a woman then broke it off with her."

Harry patted him.  "It'll be all right, Ron.  Come sit.  Draco and I were going over Xander's last letter."

"Again?" he demanded.  "You two keep seeing each other and people will talk."

"It happens," Draco said dryly.  "He could do worse than me."

"Quit," Harry ordered.  He reread the letter.

Ron read over his arm.  "Another one?"

"This one's fairly wealthy but a pain the arse to get rid of," Draco told him.  "Did you have fun on your trip?"

"A lot.  I found some humans wandering around here and there too.  I saw and learned a lot."

"Scared the crap out of me.  I heard someone knocking in my room and had to open his trunk, finding him coming out of it."

"That's the way that portal was made," Draco said with a small shrug.  He looked at Harry.  "What do you want to do about him?  He is a high ranking wizard."

"I'm almost at the find a pretend boyfriend level," Harry admitted.

"He'd never buy it unless you can act really well, Harry," Ron pointed out.  "Does he want you too, Malfoy?"

Malfoy shrugged.  "We're not sure.  He wasn't."

Harry grimaced.  "Hell."

"Basically it could be," Draco agreed.  Harry glared at him.  "Not my doing.  I'm simply the messenger."  He started to stand but a house elf appeared and pushed him down then disappeared.  "Yours?"

"No.  I don't have one.  Um, house elf?" he called.  It reappeared.  "Who do you belong to?"

"Master Crissium wanted his prettiness together."

"We don't belong to him," Ron told her.

"Master Crissium said prettiness stay together."  She disappeared.

Harry groaned, holding his face.  "Sorry."

"Not a problem," Ron said, getting comfortable.  "We'll beat this one too, Harry."

"Depending on his skills it shouldn't be that hard," Draco agreed.  He looked at Harry.  "Why can't you find someone to date?"

"I don't have much experience.  Anytime I go out they're more likely to stare at me than date me or snog me."

"Hiring someone?" Draco pressed.

"I had some fun while on my trip, but my only experience with men is toys," he said quietly.  "Xander let me experiment with some of his."

"How would you do that?" Ron asked.

"He had a lifesize model to play with and then he attached one to a pillow."  He blushed, then coughed to clear it up.  "It was very helpful.  I learned a lot."

Draco rolled his eyes.  "You're obviously too shy to pick someone up."

"I know you did while we were there."  Draco nodded.   "I couldn't figure out how to start the conversation."

"It happens," Ron agreed.  "Now what?"

"He's not backlogged," Draco said.  "So someone must have told him."  Harry grimaced but nodded.  He looked around the nice apartment.  "How did you find this one?  It's in a trendier area than I thought you'd be in."

"Xander rented it for me."

"Interesting."  He stood up.  The house elf reappeared and pushed him down but Draco shoved it.  "Do not touch me," he snarled, making the house elf wail.  "I am not your master's nor do I belong to anyone without my say so."

"Master say stay," she wailed.  "Master make Booky make stay!"

"Not our thing," Ron told her.  "I like girls.  They're tasty."  The house elf left.  "Maybe that'll help.  I know a few blokes and girls I've been meaning to introduce Harry to, Malfoy.  It might help."

Draco nodded.  "It could."  A larger pop sounded and they all pulled wands on the person standing there.  "Who are you to enter his house uninvited?"

"I like you.  You have fire and a social station near my own," he said smugly.  "Mr. Potter has one nearly as good from his exploits.  The other is charming."

"Not for sale or rent," Ron said dryly.  "Sorry."

"Pity.  I could do much with you three at my side."

"Not interested," Harry said.

"But I can offer you much."

Harry shrugged.  "So?  Still not interested.  Anyone I'm going to be with, it's going to be mutual."

"You'll stay here until you agree," he said, raising a hand.

Draco cast a hex, making him scream.  "I doubt it.  Moron."  He summoned some aurors through the floo, pointing at him.  "He's trying to own us and keep us here until we agree."  The house elf popped in and screamed, wailing across her master's body.  "Stop that," he snarled.  It whimpered at him.  "He sent that one to keep us here."

"We'll take him," the auror promised, taking the man and house elf with them.  The boss wasn't going to be happy.  "This one and his house elf wanted to keep Potter, Malfoy, and Weasley together, sir.  The house elf was wailing.  Malfoy nearly hexed it because it had been sent to keep them together."

"Interesting.  Who is he?"  He looked at his slack face.  "Who hexed?"

"Malfoy since he was standing I'd guess."

"Their floo's cut off," someone called.  "We can't get back or call."

They looked at the wizard, undoing the illusion.  It was a golem.  "Any idea how we get this to them?"

"Potter knows wandless magic," one offered.  "Anything there?"

"Not that I know of.  Anyone who might?"

"His trainer," one offered.

"I don't think we need to call across realms for them," he said firmly.   The guy unnerved him.  Harry had told him about his past and present skills but the boy moved like a little party kid.  No sign of that training came out until you threatened him.  He wasn't sure the guy was sane.  Or dangerous to others who didn't threaten him.  "Anyone closer?"

"No one I know knows anything about wandless magic," his second in command said.

Mad Eye coughed from where he was sitting.  Supposedly retired but still around.  "Weasley carries a muggle cellphone.  Granger gave it to him."

"Can we get the number?" Kingsley demanded.

"Ask Granger.  I'm sure she has it.  They're dating."

"Someone find me Granger."  They ran off to call her or track her down.  "Figure out who this person was."

"Ask the elf," Mad Eye suggested, looking at the house elf.  "Who do you belong to?"

"Master Crissium said they stay to be pretty."

"Master Crissium is where?  So we can talk to him?" Kingsley asked.

Hermione stomped in, escorted by two of his aurors.  "What is the meaning of this!" she demanded.

"Your boyfriend, Potter, and Malfoy are all trapped in a house by that house elf and his master," Kingsley told her.

She stared at him then laughed.  "I'm certain this is amusing but there's no way that can happen."

"Master Crissium wants pretties together," the house elf said firmly.  "Told Booky that pretties stay there.  Booky make sure of it to make Master Crissium happy!"

Hermione stared at the house elf.  "Master Crissium is the one in Boston?"  The house elf beamed and nodded.  "He who talks to demons?"  She nodded faster.  "Hmm."  She looked at them.  "Why drag me here?  Ron and I broke up when he became intolerant of me having friends earlier."

"We need his cellphone," Kingsley said.  "Or the number if he's got it with him.  That way we can get them help."

Draco stormed in, smirking at them.  Ron and Harry carried the other guy, dumping him next to Hermione.  The house elf went back to wailing over her master.  Mad Eye shot a silencing spell at her so they didn't have to hear it.  "I do believe this one is mistaken about his abilities to own someone."

Hermione looked at him, ignoring Ron.  "He summons demons.  That's probably how he found out about you."

"He had one come for us but he relented for a kiss from Potter."

"He seemed rather nice, didn't want to keep me," Harry said.  "Listerine still tastes nasty too."  The aurors all nodded.  He woke the wizard up, smirking down at him.  "Come near me again and I'm going to do what my trainer, Xander, taught me to do and destroy you at the cellular level.  Am I clear?"  The man nodded quickly. "Good!"  He smiled.  "Excellent in fact.  I haven't had to destroy anyone in *weeks*."  He looked at Hermione then at Ron.  "Any hope he wasn't right and you're not shagging this new friend?"

"Harry!" she shrieked.  "That is a private matter!"

"Sorry, I'm about to let my hormones overrule me, Hermione.  So I'm going to be blunt.  Are you shagging him?"

"He's not interested in a physical relationship," she said coolly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You've been meeting him often enough that you quit sleeping with me so you must be getting off from that stimulation," Ron shot back.  She glared.  "Don't start, Granger."

"Ron, I'll hormone you both and sell you in a limited contract to a demon brothel," Harry snapped.  "Tempers are bad."  He looked at her.  "Is that true?"  She huffed but flounced out.  "I'll take that as a yes.  Let us know if we need to buy wedding presents."  He waved at her back.  "You can have the couch, Ron."  He looked at Draco. "Thank you for bringing that warning and the timely help while he had us captured."

"Not a problem."

Crissium raised his wand and fired at them, putting magical restraints on them.  "There, now you're going to be pretty for others to take!"  An auror knocked him out.

Ron looked at his wrist then at theirs.  "Any clue?"

"Move apart," Mad Eye suggested.  They did.  Draco made it to the door before he got pulled back.  "Thought so."  He came over to look at them.  "He'll have to undo them."

"If we kill him will they end?" Draco asked.

"They'll sink in, boy.  Become permanent.  It'll give you more room but you'll always be connected to them."

"That's not a thing I want to take into eternity," Draco said.  He glared at Ron, then at Harry.  "You just had to attract another one."

"We, Malfoy.  We.  He wanted both of us."  He walked over to the wizard, unstunning him.  "Take.  Them.  Off," he snarled.

"I will not and you can't make me."

Harry leaned down.  "Oh, yes, I can."

He backed up.  "The greatest demons will praise me for bringing them you three as a complete set.  Toy, keeper, and protector."

Harry snorted.  "No.  Sorry.  Not going to any demons."

"They'll still take you."

"And I'll still do what Xander taught me and destroy them.  He seems to have fun.  I'm sure I will too.  Take them off!"

"Never.  With my death they'll be there for eternity."  He started to move but his house elf stopped him.  "What are you doing!"

"Booky cannot let Master be hurt.  Master's master say so to Booky."

"They'll be taken by my master."

"Bring him here so we can kill him now," Draco said blandly.

Crissium sneered.  "So anxious to begin your service?"

"I doubt it'll happen," Ron said.  The demon appeared, blacking out the room even as it rumbled and shook.  "Harry, how do you kill that one?"

"Not that hard actually, " Draco said.  "Water?"  Ron pointed at a sink in the break room.  "Potter, you bless it."  Harry mumbled at the water  as it rushed past them to burn the demon.  Which screamed, flailed, and tried to get out of the stream.

Harry looked around, getting something silver.  He stabbed the demon, letting the water hit the inside of him.  That did it in.  Harry panted, looking at Draco.  "Messy but effective."  He glared at the horrified wizard.  "Remove them now!" he snarled, moving toward him with the dagger.

Ron took it.  "Harry, if I can't have my temper, you can't have yours," he said calmly.  "Let the nice aurors torture him.  He'll remove them."

"I'll die first," he hissed back.

Harry took the knife back.  Crissium made them disappear.  Ron, Harry, and Draco came back.  Crissium came back begging on his knees for mercy.  Harry stared down at him.  "Still so sure you want to give another being into what you went through?" he sneered.

"You did learn a lot from Malfoy," Kingsley said, not looking too pleased.

"Not like he deserves more than a sneer," Malfoy said.  He waved a hand.  "Remove the shackles.  Now.  Before I have to help again."  They were removed.  "Thank you.  Now you may die if you so wish."  Booky kept him from killing himself.  The aurors put them both into a cell.  "Well, it's been charming again, Potter.  Do hope you clear that problem up.  Since Weasley's free perhaps he'll help now that he understands better."  He walked out, heading home to get very drunk and write the teachers a letter complaining about Harry's temper.

Harry looked at Ron.  "You can still have the couch.  I won't molest you tonight."

"Thanks, mate."  He walked him out, coming back to hand back the knife.  "So we don't accidentally steal it."  Then he went back to taking Harry home.  Harry was a bit scary when he was pissed off.

Mad Eye let out a breath.  "Xander taught him how to lose his temper very well," he said quietly.

Kingsley looked at him.  "How would he do that?"

"There's a reason why he's known for destroying multiple demon realms when they come for him."  He stood up.  "Have fun with the insane one.  You might get a healer down to see how badly they treated him.  With what Harry did to Dumbledore and Fudge, he probably treated him like he wanted them to be treated.  It seems fitting but I'd expect at least castration since that's a usual outcome if they agree to stay with someone who's not nice about it."  Kingsley and the others shuddered.  Mad Eye shrugged.  "That way they don't stray."  He left them alone.  Xander's message had been very timely.  He had to learn that scrying spell.  He really did.

Kingsley looked around.  "Get a healer to examine him.  Set up the trials."  He went to his office to get a drink.  Not even he wanted to do that to others.  Harry Potter was going to be insane in his own defense now.  Wait until the Daily Prophet got hold of this one.

***

Harry walked into the bank the next day.  "If I wanted to go on another long trip to another realm, could I take my vault with me?" he asked the information desk goblin.

"Why would you need to, sir?"

"Because I don't want to be here anymore."

The goblin stared at him.  "I saw that article."

"I don't want to have to torture the next one who wants me.  I really want to visit my teachers and get a hug.  Is there some way I can transfer my account to their banks in another realm easily?"

"Let me ask a higher source that question. I know your trainer has an account with us on one of the access realms."  Harry beamed.  "We may be able to work it that way.  Let me check."  He called his superior to ask that question.  Special preparations had been made for Harris's accounts.  He had a lot of human money and gems to safeguard after that bank had done him wrong.  He nearly had a small branch's worth of vaults to himself at the moment with the one containing special files and photographs.  Plus a few favored outfits in case something happened to the house.  His superior came down to talk to Harry in private about what he wanted to do.

***

Harry came out of the portal, handing Xander a check.  "The remains of the rent.  I tried but I don't want to have to torture the next one."  He gave him a hug.  Xander hugged back.  It was nice not to have to fight anymore.  "I can't find anyone to date.  They all stare in awe at me."

"I know, Harry."  He led him inside.  "Guys, Harry's back."  Dean stomped in.  Xander grinned.  "It's not his fault.  He did try."

"I know he did."  He let the kid hug him too.  "It's all right, Harry."  Harry looked up.  "What?"

"Why haven't you aged?"

"The immortality stuff."

"Oh."  He let him go.  "I'm being mushy but I can't handle it.  I moved my accounts like Xander has his.  Maybe here I won't get anyone who stares at me in awe."

"We'll see what we can do," Xander promised, getting a smile.  "Go rest on the couch with Eric, Harry."  He went to do that.  Xander put the check down.  Dean gave him a look.  "For the rest of the rent on that place."

"That's cool."  He looked around then at him.  "What are we going to do now?  That demon's been spreading around that he killed us.  We told Bobby.  He told us to lay low and he'd spread around that he didn't.  Until then we might be hunted."

"So you open up a shop," Xander said simply.  He walked him into the office, finding what he wanted.  "Here.  We've been storing things for you."  He grinned.  "This way your next life wouldn't be so hard to move into."

Dean sat down to look it over.  "A gun shop," he said, sounding pleased.

"You can add a small pawn shop if you want."  He kissed him on the head, getting a grin back.  "Pick a good store, Dean."

"Down here?"

"If you want.  If not, we'll have to move all that stuff somewhere else."  He shrugged.  "Figure it out with Sam."  He went to talk to Harry.  Eric and Danny were already getting the whole story from him so he listened.  That did suck a lot.  Harry let them cuddle since he looked so miserable.  He'd take him to the coven tomorrow to see if they could cheer him up.  Harry had liked them.  Dean took the direct route and took him to the beach with Sam so they would both quit moping.  Plus it'd let Dean and Sam talk without everyone else listening in.

Mac Taylor walked down to where the boys were, sitting beside Sam.  "Why is it that you guys are gathering near Xander?  Is it a surge of gathering fever?"

"A demon stabbed us and crowed about it," Sam admitted grimly.  "We've gotten back the right truth, with the elimination of the immie part, but we might still be hunted down.  Xander wants us to open a gun shop."

"That way he has you two close by in case something happens?"

"Xander's damn tired of destroying realms," Dean told him.

"I can see why."  He looked at them.  "If we keep this up, we'll start to have stats like New York in a few years."

"By then, we'll all have to move because we're too old to be so young and pretty," Dean said with a grin.

"Good point.  I wonder where we'll all go."

Dean shrugged.  "Who knows."  He watched Harry flirt, feeling more pride than when he had caught Sammy using one of the lines he had taught him.  "That's our boy," he said proudly.  Mac looked, grinning at the sight.  "Harry said he couldn't date anyone at home, they all stared in awe."

"I hear that can happen."  He patted Sam on the arm.  "It'll be okay, Sam."

"I know, but it sucks."

"You can start school down here while you do whatever.  That way you're still together but working on your own lives.  That way you have a plan for the one after that."  He stood up.  "Let us know if we can help, boys.  The chroniclers are liking you two for going as long as Methos is."  He left to report that.  Joe enjoyed those two boys.  He called them plucky and mouthy but he thought they'd last for a good, long time.

Dean looked at Sam.  "So you can do the college boy thing.  I'll play with guns all day.  We'll join Xander's poker circle now and then."  Sam grinned but nodded.  "You sure you want to stay here?  We can go back to Kansas."

"I called Missouri.  Somehow she knew but she warned us not to come back.  Dad was somehow haunting her complaining.  She told him to shut up and pointed out we both knew.  He apologized through her."  Dean snorted, shaking his head.  "I offered to come finish salting and burning whatever was keeping him."

"Bobby will if they bother him that much."  He watched Harry tease the girl until she walked him off to make him pay up on his teases.  "He's good."

"You taught us both well," Sam agreed with a smile.  He looked at Dean.  "If I turn into Mcleod, you''ll fix me, right?"

"Hell yes.  You turn into the brooding bastard and I'll beat you to death," he said dryly.  "Then when you come back you'll be better."

"That's cool.   We should tell Adam that compliment."

"Probably.  We'll stop by on the way home so he knows Harry's still here."  He looked around.  "Any ideas?"

Sam pulled out his phone, tapping into the GPS site.  He tapped in the correct codes, getting it.  "He's at the Palms.  I dropped one of Xander's GPS tracker dots on him."

"We need to send Edgerton a really nice present for getting his boys those."

"I thought they came from Gibbs."

"Gibbs had the idea.  Ian found them and gave them to him during the last convention."  He checked the readout.  "Should we save him?"

"He had his wand.  He clearly needed it badly.  He'll get to us if he needs to."  They nodded at that and waited.  Harry showed up a few hours later nearly wobbling but happier.  They took him home, letting everyone greet the youngest protégée of Xander's evil methodology for ruling the universe.  They found Ron and Draco both there and fighting with each other while Danny and Don ate popcorn.

"What are you two doing here?" Harry asked.  He was too calm and sated to demand.

"Granger," Draco said.

"That mudblood bitch I used to date," Ron said at the same time.

Harry looked at Ron.  "Your mother would soap your mouth."

"She kindly put back on the manacles," Draco said, holding up his wrist.  "By the way, was she good?  You can feel everything thanks to them."

Harry groaned, looking at his wrist.  It was on his ankle this time.  "Can we go beat her, Xander?"

"Nope," he said dryly.  "I have no idea where she is."  He shrugged.  "Sorry, guys.  We'll go see the witches tomorrow, see if they can get them off."

"That might be nice," Harry agreed.  "Do you think I can find a job easily?"

"We'll see what you can be trained to do.  Steve might have some ideas if Horatio or Adam don't," Xander said.  He gave him a hug.  "Come help me cook.  Sam?"

"I can help," he agreed, following Xander.

Dean sat down.  "He arranged stuff for us to open a gun shop."

Danny nodded.  "I thought he was buying more guns."

Don nodded.  "I was hoping the warehouse wasn't going to be overloaded soon."  He sipped his soda, going back to the news.  "We'll let Horatio know you two are staying.  Do we have new identities?"

"We'll work on that.  The others are hearing that we aren't dead and it wasn't a demonic deal that brought us back."

"You'll work it out," Don promised.  "As long as they don't take off your heads."

"No, they'd probably stop at shooting us."

"Which hurts like hell," Danny warned.

"You ever get shot again, I'm going to paddle you more than I should Xander for buying new leather gear," Don said firmly, glaring at his buddy and lover.

"Your arm would be tired before you got to that point," Dean reminded him, cracking Don up.  "Let Xander help since he'll want to fuss and worry."

"That's mean," Danny said.

"Yay.  Mac wanted to know how many more of us were moving locally before Miami became the new New York and where we're all going after Miami."

"Don't know.  I might miss snow by then."

"DC?" Danny teased.

"Gibbs would freak.  Even if he was ancient he'd freak out on us.  Greg and Tony too."

"After this life and the farm, we're moving to Denver," Xander called.

"Okay," Don said.  "Why?" he called.

Xander came out to stare at him.  "Because you'll miss snow, it has a good job base, I can open a jewelry store that I'll have someone run for me.  And a spa I'll have someone run for me.  It's in the middle of the country and the safest parts.  There's only two immies and five GHS that live in the area."  That got a slow nod.  "It's close to Vegas so we can check in with Jace.  Has good schools if you guys want to go back but also good club potential if you wanted to open one.  We can set up the place for the horses out there.  Some ancient bookstores for Speed and Horatio if they come.  Ryan agreed Denver was ideal and very safe.  Plus lower property values and taxes.  When we sell this house, we'll be able to buy a quarter of a county with it."  He went back to teaching Harry more about cooking.

Ron looked over at them.  "I didn't think he made plans."

"He makes all sorts of little plans.  Usually ta spoil," Don admitted.  "Do we already own space out there?"

"Not yet."

"Thank you."

"Welcome."  He came out to get a kiss.  "You'll like it.  It's a pretty city."  He went back to his cooking.

Draco shook his head.  "He's very forceful when he wants his way."

"We'd argue if he didn't.  We figured we'd go from this life to the farm for a bit then move on."

"Steve's planning on going to work for Jace.  Ryan may for a while but he'll drift back to us."  He looked at Dean.  "You two can come too."

"Of course we are.  We'll have to watch out for the local cops out there.  I doubt they'll understand anything unless they've had some higher profile GHS members."

"With the way the government watches over us, there's a chance they'll tell Denver before we get there," Don admitted.  Dean nodded at that.  Draco gave him an odd look.  "So, how are you two going to handle it?"

"I can get a job doing nearly anything.  Draco's the picky one," Ron said.

"I'm not that picky."

"Maybe he'll let you run the spa for him," Danny offered.  Draco's eyes lit up.  "It's still hard work."

"But relaxing.  Much more relaxing than the Wizengomet and other duties I have thanks to the name."

"Fucking go away!" Xander shouted.

"Sounds like one's here," Dean sighed, going to get a gun so they can handle it.  He found a military guy.  "Xander, he a demon?"

"He needs to be.  He doesn't like that we found that one shopping area."

"It linked to a demon bazaar.  Not our fault," Sam told him.

"You still went there," he said firmly.

"I've been many places," Xander said.  "I've destroyed half of them that I didn't mean to go to, but I've been many places."  The military guy went pale and backed up.  "Go ask DiNozzo or Gibbs."  He fled.  "Bye.  Don't come back!" he called with a wave.  "Shithead."

Harry smiled.  "I used a saying of yours and got funny looks at school."

"That's because they're British and have hardly any humor, Harry," Xander said dryly.  "We'll figure out what you guys are doing soon enough."  He gave him a hug.  "We should go back up there to make them sorry."

"As nice as those pirates were, we don't need to see them again," Sam said firmly.

"Fine, spoil sport."

"Yup," Dean agreed.  "Besides, you turned over that credit slip to Tony and we don't have anything else from their people to trade for more ready cash."

"I guess that's a point."  He grinned when Horatio came in.  "Let me add more chops to the oven."

Horatio pulled him to the study while Sam did that and Harry concentrated on the fruit salad.  "Xander, why is there a very scared military person in my office asking me to handle you this time?"

"He didn't like that we took Harry to a few demon bazaars and one linked to the place that stole Tony on that roadtrip after we sent Hubert to his dragon mommy.  Tony got to nag about it but this one got huffy and irritating.  So I made him go away.  Is he okay now?"

"He's quite irritated with us."

"I can hormone him, right?"

"No.  That's not nice."

"I told him to talk to Tony first.  He stomped off to talk to you instead."

Horatio sighed.  "We'll talk about this later.  For now, try not to run off the military?"

"They're being mean to me."

"No pouting, Xander."  He cleared it up.  "Go fix dinner.  Speed will be here after he humiliates him and makes him head home."  Xander bounced off to do that while he called Speed.  "Tell him to talk to Gibbs.  We're having chops for dinner."  He hung up and went to talk to the others.  He stared at Dean, who shrugged some.  "Couldn't stay away?"

"Got killed by a demon who bragged.  Xander's trying to get me to open a gun shop while Sammy takes some classes here and there."

"You do have the experience and knowledge to do well in the field.  I would not like to see you selling parts of Xander's warehouse."

"I doubt I could find a good buyer for it anyway."

"Good.  Can you perhaps get him to do another inventory?  He's been buying things again."

"They're for their shop," Xander said with a grin.

Horatio looked at him.  "Then why did you come back with a suspicious lack of bags from the weapons bazaar?"

"Oops.  That was toys."

"We'd like a new inventory, Xander.  Especially the local ATF office who watches over my shoulder as I watch over yours."  Xander nodded.  "Take the boys there tomorrow to do that please.  You can drop the younger set at the coven's shop for a few hours."

"Yes, Horatio."  The military guy came back with one of the local ATF agents.  "I didn't know you guys were over demon bazaars."

"We're not.  He's trying to get us to invade you so he can put you into protective custody."

Xander looked at Horatio, who shook his head.  "Can't I kill him?"

"No.  That would be wrong," Horatio said.  "Even if he is an idiot."  He glared at the guy.  The ATF agent got out of the way.  He knew better.  Xander let loose his hormones, making him and Sam both moan.

Harry looked at them.  "It could be worse.  That's only a quarter of what he's got.  And just think, he's destroyed whole realms of people who want him."  The military guy went to his knees.  Xander relaxed and let his broadcasting go, smiling at them.  "Feel better?"

"I will when I drag Danny in to a bath with me."  He bounced back to what he had been doing.  He called Gibbs on the way.  "It's us.  Some military weenie came to try to arrest me for shopping.  He got a local ATF guy to come with him when I sent him running and crying to Horatio like he's the mommy.  They said they wanted to put me into protective custody.  On his knees.  In the kitchen.  Go outside!" he snapped.  The man crawled that way.  "He's on the back porch.  No, it's not supposed to rain tonight.  I can make a portal if you want."  He grinned.  "Fine.  Only a quarter.  I was nice.  Horatio's here."  He handed over the phone, checking on the pork chops.

Horatio took the phone outside.  "He was annoying Xander, Jethro.  Perkins, A.," he read.  "Army.  First Lieutenant."  Gibbs looked him up and said something.  "I thought they blocked all GHS from the military."  He smirked.  "Good to know.  Of course we can hold him for you."  He hung up and pulled out his handcuffs, locking him to the grill for now.  "Someone will be here shortly for you."  He went back inside to help lounge around.  Xander didn't let him help cook most of the time.  Speed got to help cook while he got to play 'husband' with the other guys.  Ray and Methos showed up to make it a real party.  Mac and Stella too.  Xander was happily cooking for a good, long time.  It made him happy and the others relaxed about it.  Adam could go over Xander's plans for the boys, plus get Harry and Draco registered for the next convention.  It was a good night.  Even if the weenie did get a bit damp when it rained around dawn.

***

Tony strolled into Horatio's office.  "You have our misguided individual?"

"We do.  He's in an interrogation room."  He shook his hand.  "How is DC?"

"About the same.  Politics are hell and soul sucking.  Gibbs growls so they leave us alone quickly."  He smirked.  "What did he want?"  Horatio handed over his orders file from the weenie's hotel room.  "Interesting."  He faxed it to Gibbs.  "He's got a broken ankle.  He's growling more than usual."  He got a phone call.  "DiNozzo," he said happily.  "Hey, Greg.  What did the snarly one want us to do with him?  Yes, beyond making him bait for sharks.  I can do that.  Xander would probably help."

"His boys have been working overtime.  He's got poker contacts again," Horatio said grimly.

"Or his new poker buddies could," Tony added.  Gibbs said something.  Greg snarked back and Gibbs smacked him.  Tony winced at the sound.  "Boss, be nicer to my boy.  Please?  I need him without a concussion.  Or we're both moving down here to live with Xander again."  He listened to the orders.  "On it."  He hung up.  "He's going back to DC.  Someone in the higher ups wants to beat him."

"Please do.  He's trying to claim Ryan Wolfe as well."

"Ryan's not GHS."

"No, but he's strong and tough.  Plus he'd like Ares' blessing."

"Xander can send him to a temple."

"Don't tempt him."

"Good point."

"If you do move down here, you've got to make your own plans or else Xander will for you."

Tony smirked.  "Greg can.  They plan evilly together."  He walked out whistling, going to get his weenie to roast.  "There's our idiot of the day," he said dryly.

"Why not let the local office handle him?" Don asked.

"The Pentagon heard what he was trying to do.  They're not happy.  Someone imagined a whole unit of guys just like Xander and Greg."

Don could imagine that.  He burst out cackling, drawing attention.  He waved a hand, shaking his head.  "That's a bad mental image."

"Yes it is.  Which is what we're trying to prevent.  He's going to be beaten and then sent to somewhere less visible."  He went in to gather his idiot, reading him his rights on the way out to the car and then the plane.  One of the generals had sent a private plane for this one.  No troop carrier, a nice one.  By that night they were back in DC and that guy was begging for mercy.

Ares came down to look at him, staring really.  "While I think a whole unit would easily stop most battles, I can't see it being that beneficial to the ones in charge, soldier."  The general berating him shuddered.  "It'd be good for a strike team situation, but not a real unit.  Even if you had someone like Wolfe to guard each one.  Not even *I* could control a whole unit of guys like Xander and I'm a God."  The weenie whimpered and sobbed on his boots.  "Get off!"  He kicked him off, looking at the general.  "Did you misread his test scores for brains?"

"He had a high one, but no sense."

"That's a common problem.  Have fun with him."

"Can you take GHS from his memory, Lord Ares?" he asked hopefully.

Ares did that, then left to find some way to take the idea of a whole unit of Xanders out of his head.  He pulled Strife and Discord with him in case they thought it might be a good idea.

Strife looked at him.  "Not even I'm that mean, Unc."

"Me either," Discord said.  "That'd cause too much chaos even for Janus to handle."

They all got drunk together.  It was the kindest thing they could do for the universe.  Before someone thought that idea had merit.

Janus appeared while they were drunk.  "Not even I could find that idea funny, people.  Relax.  It won't happen."  He left, heading back to find a worshiper who could take his mind off that idea.

***

Down in Miami Xander looked up.  "Not my idea or my doing.  I could never do that," he called quietly.  "I'm sorry they gave you a headache."  Cupid appeared, giving him a hug.  He grinned.  "The military weenie wanted to make a whole unit of guys like me with guys like Ryan guarding guys like me."  He got him a bottle.  "Here, for Ares and them.  I'm sure they have a migraine."

"They'll have a hangover tomorrow.  Can you maybe be good for a few weeks?"

"I always try, Cupid.  Besides, all my students are here," he offered with a grin.  "I've got to help Dean and Sam set up.  I've got to help Harry and then find a life here.  I've got to decide if I want to get a new horse because the ASPCA has a few."

"No new horses," Danny called, coming out.  "Cupid.  We're *really* sorry if the weenie gave Ares a headache."

"Hangover.  Massive hangovers in the morning.  I pity the morning meeting.  Wait a few years, until you have to move to Denver, Xander."

He beamed.  "You like that idea?"

"It's not bad.  Covers all the bases.  Ma likes it."  He disappeared, taking the advil to Ares' temple for him.  He was *so* glad he didn't have to be at the morning meeting tomorrow.

Xander pounced Danny.  "I need lovies."

"I can tell.  You're already hard just from looking at me," he teased.  "Run into the bedroom to surprise us."  He ran that way to get ready for them.  Danny got some juice for later on and some fruit to bring with them.  "Xander's in a mood," he called.  Don leered but came to help him.  "Lock up later, guys."  They walked into the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind them.

Ron looked down at the first squeal.  "He's loud."

"Very," Draco agreed dryly from his bed.

Sam knocked then leaned in.  "We're going out for pizza and beers."  The boys looked hopeful.  "Just us this time, guys.  Lock up the house, be careful.  Call us if there's an emergency."

"Going to hunt?" Harry asked.

"You're too young to drink.  Local age is twenty-one."  They all pouted.  "Tough."  He grinned but left with Dean to escape the noise.

Ron looked at the floor when the noise suddenly stopped.  "Should we check on them?"

"Don't worry, they're immortal too," Harry said with a wave.

"Is that common?" Ron asked.

Draco shook his head.  "Just them."

"Oh, good.  Then we don't have to worry about that with you two."

"There's ways to do that," Draco offered with an evil smirk.

Harry looked at him.  "Do it and suffer."

"How would you make me suffer?"

"Having to be Xander's bag boy for years on end."

Draco shook his head.  "Never mind.  I'll behave."

"I thought you liked shopping with him," Ron said.

"I do but I don't like carrying the bags.  The day we hit the kitchen store we bought so much it wouldn't fit in the back of the SUV.  It weighed a ton, nearly literally.  We had to float it into the house."

"It took us nearly fifteen minutes to float it all," Draco agreed.

Ron gave them funny looks.  "How did he do that?"

"Xander's like that when he's bored," Harry instructed.  "You get a lot of stamina from it though."  Someone downstairs was getting loud again, making them put up quieting spells around their room.  Not that it'd help....

***

Dean walked up to Frank the next morning, handing over a note.  "Danny told Xander to get creative.  Danny knows he's got court this afternoon.  He'll try to be less hoarse and tired for it."

Frank looked at the note.  //Died six times, Xander four, Danny eight.  Am happy but can't move.  Be in tomorrow.///  "Why did they decide to do that last night?"

"They were talking about the military guy who wanted to make a whole unit full of Xanders and give them guys like Ryan to guard them."  Frank shuddered.  "Ares and his crew did the same thing," he assured him with a smirk.  "Xander sent advil.  Then Danny told him to surprise them."

"No wonder.  I'll let Horatio know when he comes in."  Dean pulled out another note, handing it over.  "I'll let Taylor know so he can cover our area."  Dean smirked as he walked back to his baby so he could take her home.  Frank walked inside, finding Mac coming in for a meeting.  "Horatio's down with his back again."

"What happened?  He looked fine the other night."

"Apparently he had a bit of a surge."  He handed over the note, getting a nod.  He held up the other one, getting a smirk.  "Messer told the guy to surprise them."

"That's probably a bad idea," Mac agreed.  "Any idea where they're going after this?"

"Horatio was looking up stuff on Denver."

"I'll let Gibbs know he can relax.  He thought they might move to DC."

"I think they'd stop in to visit but they know he'd have a fit."

"Probably.  Tony and Greg are enough to drive him nuts."  They smirked.  "Okay, let me have Stella come over to help here since we're on a low homicide day.  We'll do this meeting later on."  He went back to his own lab to do that, sending Stella over.  It was going to be very amusing very shortly.  Though he did pity Denver.  He knew a few people out that way.  Maybe he'd warn them.  Though it might be years before one of them had to die and move on.  Or one of them could be shot during stopping a crime and they had to move then.  You never knew.  Better to warn.  The simple email message of 'ever hear of GHS' got back a swearing rant of an email a day later.  So they apparently already heard.

***

Don Epps walked into the conference room.  "It's a pre-warning," he offered.  They all stared at him.  He tossed down an information packet.  "We have it on good authority that you are going to have a problematic person moving into your area within a couple of years.  We don't know how soon.  Since some of them are officers in Miami, we have no idea how long it'll take before they decide Miami's too dangerous to stay."

"Why are they problematic if they're officers?" the Commissioner of Denver's police asked.

"That's why I'm here.  I know someone down there warned someone here about GHS members?"  The commissioner went pale.  "So you know?"  He nodded slowly.  "In Miami resides a level ten, his two keepers, two level five students, two protectors, four advisors, and three younger students, one level eight and one level two among them."  The commissioner slumped.  "One of those has this idea that playing poker with the underground takes their money so they can't use it for bad ideas."

One of the other men in the room raised his hand.  "ATF has a casefile down there with one of them having real weapons."

"Remember the slave market thing in LA a few years back?"  That got a nod from him but a grimace.  "That was the same GHS member getting free.  They decided Caine and his lab confiscating his weapons left them all weak.  We got the whole group as it stood, basically minus the students at the time, kidnaped and having to get free."  The ATF agent moaned.  The commissioner whimpered.  "He's not a problem that you'll have to watch.  He's very good about his own security.  He's good enough on self-defense that they let him out alone all the time.  They also have a farm with horses down there right now.  We're pre-warning so you guys get things into place in case he has to hormone someone to get away from them or there's other problems, like his weapons or poker habits with the cream of the underground."

"How bad?" the ATF agent asked.  "His poker habit."

"He won over a hundred mil from the top drug dealers, gang members, and assassins in Miami in six months."  They  all stared.  He smirked.  "He said it makes them less able to work.  He was actually friendly with the Mala Noche he was playing poker with.  His boys used him to get all sorts of quiet information on the underground.  He did go on fair warning whenever he had to act against them.  Or when they wouldn't pay him.  He got into with a major drug dealer called The General down there.  It ended up killing the General because somehow the Mala Noche heard from this guy that he was cheating.  They sent one of their boys to turn him into bits and pieces.  Happily."

"So he's not a bad guy but he knows the system and plays with it now and then," the ATF agent said.

"He's also the one that went to the weapons bazaar four years ago and fought off that small attempt to take it over."

"Harris is coming!" he shouted, jumping up.

Don smirked and nodded.  "Him and the whole clan probably.  Including his horses."

The agent sat down, staring at him.  "Don't we have enough problems?"

"They picked Denver because it's safer than Miami.  It's in a stable area.  Flack and Messer were missing winter.  The students could be safe here.  The place didn't have many natural disasters.  All those good things."  They all relaxed.  "They mostly stay very quiet about it, but every now and then someone wants Xander or one of them.  Fortunately he's taken care of most of them who want him.  This is a pre-warning that some liveliness is coming.  So you can make plans in case he has to hormone someone to get away and those things."

"Can we make him wear GPS?" one asked.

"He has some hair things that have GPS on them.  We gave his boys GPS dots as well.   Xander's almost always reasonable about his safety unless he's horribly backed up or he's really bored.  Which is when he starts playing poker with thugs."  They all nodded.  "Miami said it's nice.  Crime slowed down when he was playing poker.  Also, he likes to cook for his lovers' station.  He's brought the full station in lunch many times.  He spoils the local departments that he likes.  He torments any gay bashers, they're still in therapy in Miami after trying to gas him at his house, but the rest of the department gets spoiled."

"I can talk to some friends in Miami, get his file so we know what sort of weapons he'll be bringing," the ATF agent said.  "That way we don't touch them.  Who has oversight?"

"Caine, down in the lab.  Caine's like the family's mentor.  Since he got taken after confiscating the last batch, he has full oversight.  They have an inventory, Xander and two of his students go through it now and then.  Caine's also watching over the students since one is opening a gun shop sponsored by Xander but not out of his weapons stash."

"Are we talking an invasion vault or are we talking a few dozen guns?" the commissioner asked.

"Xander owns a fully secure warehouse facility.  He has one of the warehouses ultra-secured and uses it for weapons."  That made him unhappy.  "No one touches Xander's weapons.  Xander will destroy them because he pets his weapons like they're puppies."  He grinned.  "We're *really* glad he decided not to move to LA.  That packet has information on the officers who you'll have making sure they're all right at first.  We have agents who watch over all GHS members in case they're given presents by terrorists or stolen again."  He nodded at the two in the local office.   "You have their dossiers?"

"Yes, Agent Epps.  Are the Winchesters coming?"

"Plus his newest students, Harry and Draco.  The messy dark-haired one and the blond."

"They look just like...."  Don nodded.  "They are?"  Don nodded again.  "How?"

"Xander heard from a source across realms.  One of the ones he didn't destroy.  They are.  Xander's sheltering them."  That got a simple nod.  "You may also get Kowalski and his boyfriend.  You may end up with Caine too.  We don't know how much of the extended clan is coming up.  This is just a head's up."  They all nodded.  "That way you can make some future plans.  But if one of them is visibly killed in Miami, they're coming sooner.  If not it might be a few years."

"We'll be on the lookout for it," the ATF agent assured him.  "If and when they come we'll assign a group to go over their inventory, make sure their new warehouse meets our expectations, and to keep oversight on it.  I have some people who'd hate me for it but they'll understand.  I've often wondered if one of them was."

"You'd have to ask them but the rule in GHS is you do not tell on other members, it can get them kidnaped.  For a very good reason."

"I've seen why."  That got a nod and Don left to go back to LA, praying the whole way that Xander wouldn't have to visit for a while.  He looked at the other agents.  "Let us have the dossiers when they get here or right before so I can brief my people."  He left, going back to the office.  He found one team working hard on a case but they'd understand.  "My office," he said into theirs, heading for his conference area.  They piled in, staring at him.  "Within the next few years, we're going to have a small problem moving into the area, but it's not an illegal problem.  For all that he likes to play poker with the underground to take their money."

"Why do we have to know now?" the team leader asked.

"Because his lovers are officers and if something happens suddenly they'll be up sooner."  He tossed down the packet he had taken off the table.  "The head of this loose family grouping is a member of that group."  They looked it over, one growling.  "You know of them?"

"I've protected one in the past."

"The one coming is a level ten."

That agent gave him a horrified look.  "Where are they coming from?"

"Miami.  They do have weapons that the local office has oversight on.  It seems him having weapons keeps him from being snatched as often.  He has a mentor in the local crime lab. Both his lovers are in the PD down there."  They all nodded at that.  "When they come up, we'll be briefing your team to be their local oversight.  They have them in a fully secured warehouse that exceeds Caine's fussy standards and he has a full inventory.  That'll be your job when they get here."

"No busting?" the team leader asked.

"Did you hear about that slave market in LA a few years back?"  He grimaced but nodded.  "That was the same guy getting himself and his family free after Miami had confiscated his weapons stores.  They thought he was weak without it.  You saw that mess?"  They all nodded.  "We don't want that to happen again.  Also, if you can learn to work with the family, the head of the family gets bored very easily.  He likes to play poker with the underground down there.  Won over a hundred million in six months from their top drug dealers, gang members, and assassins."  They all winced.  "The thing with the General was him.  He found him cheating and told the Mala Noche.  Who I'm told he had a friendly relationship with.  We expect that to happen up here so it could give us good tips as to what's going on.  Plus he spoils his lovers' unit horribly by bringing them lunch all the time.  The full station."

"So we'll be dogging him but casually?"

"Check out his beginning stores, make sure they're thief-proof.  Meet or exceed our standards for the storage vault.   Get to know them in case they do draw big trouble into town.  That can help you guys because he's not against turning info in.  The FBI agent from LA is one of those who watch over GHS members.  He said the guy works with the local office very well."  He smiled.  "I chose you because you'd get the insanity that they'll have very well.  Oh, and they do have horses.  Harris has a few from the information I heard from the FBI agents sitting in.  We know it'll at least be his personal family, him and his two lovers.  It's possible we'll get part of Caine's lab since Caine is the family's mentor and a few others play protectors.  It's possible we'll be getting the national head and his boyfriend, who is a homicide detective.  It's possible we'll be getting their students, which there's five of.  Three younger, two older.  There's another few support staff like people around including a financial manager."

"So this is a head's up for whenever they get here.  Make sure they know who to run to, make sure everything they bring up is safely stored in case of emergency.  Can we borrow in case of emergency?"  He nodded.  "We're sure?"

"Caine would've made sure of that," he told him.  "I've met Caine and he would make sure he could borrow from the boy if necessary."

"Good.  Make sure they know who they can give tips to, which departments they can trust, which ones won't gay bash," another one said.  He nodded.  "We can probably do that.  How close do you want us to ride them?"

"If you can get adopted into the family, it'd be a wonderful thing.  If not, at least try to remain on friendly terms.  If you piss him off, he can make you miserable and the city."  They nodded at that.  "When we hear they're coming this way we'll have full dossiers from the GHS watching agents.  This is just a warning of future work for you guys."

"We'll handle it," the team leader said, leading the way out.  "Look this guy up," he told his hacker.  "I want more warning than that."

"The local office has to have the inventory list," he pointed out.

"We can ask someone down there that we know."  That got a nod.  He looked at another one.  "Find any of your contacts with information."

"We can all do that," he agreed.  He moved to his desk to start calling around.  That was not looking like a happy event to have coming upon them.

***

Epilogue:

***

Xander sighed as they signed the sell order on the house.  Don had been shot in the line of duty, on camera, so they had to leave Miami.  He looked around.  "Did we get everything?"

"Take down the wards to make sure," Danny said.  "Make sure you didn't forget anything in a closet."  Xander grimaced but did that, showing a few things were still there.  Don moved them into the SUV with Dean's help.  "There, now let's head to Denver.  We'll like it.  They've been warned by Epps personally."  Xander nodded, patting his house as they walked out.  "We'll be back in a few generations."

"I know."  He looked at Dean.  "Coming with?"

"Yup.  You'd get into more trouble without us."

"Good point."  He grinned.  Harry, Draco, and Ron had flown ahead.   Steve had left a few days earlier to find them places to live.  He hadn't found a farm yet so they'd have to move the horses later.  "You guys do help me get into trouble very well."

"We try really hard not to let you get into trouble," he corrected.  "You're worse than we are."  Xander gave him a hug.  "Get in, silly.  We'll follow you."  They headed out, Dean and Sam following in the Impala.  It was a long drive to the airport.

***

Xander opened his new door a few days later, looking at the man standing there.  "Mormon?" he guessed.  "Or Jehovah's Witness?"

"Nothing that mundane I'm afraid.  ATF."  He held up his badge.  "Special Agent Larabee, Mr. Harris."

"I'm in trouble already?"

"May I?"  He got let into the house, looking around.  "This is very nice."  He looked at him.  "I'm here to look over your storage facility, take your inventory list to double check, and to let you know some things about the area, like the sections of town that are more prone to gay bashing," he said quietly.  "Like the Miami office did, only we're a bit more nosy since you're just setting up and Lieutenant Caine didn't come with you."  He saw the guy coming down the stairs and paused.  "Hiding?"

"Nope."  He looked at him.  "You are?"

"Special Agent Larabee, ATF.  I saw it on the replay, Detective."

Don sighed, pulling out a knife to cut into his palm, showing it healing.  "That's why."

"I see."  He considered it, then nodded.  "That's a good reason to switch then.  Are any of you joining the local department?"

"Danny might.  He's a CSI."

"If not, we have a lab in our building.  I can keep that secret."  Xander gave him a hug, making him stiffen.  "Get off," he ordered.  Xander stepped back with a sheepish look.  "I'm here to do oversight on his collection."

"Horatio won't be up with it for about a week.  We've got t finish putting in the security systems," Xander said.

"That's fine.  Starting now means you won't have to go back and update something if it's too little."

"I can do that," Xander agreed.  He went into the library to dig out the inventory, coming out with it.  "This is the inventory as the about six months ago.  I don't think I've went shopping but now and then someone decides I need something shiny and explosive as presents.  Oh, and Horatio took one to use on people trying to blow up their nuclear plant."

"Good to know."  He flipped through it, trying not to whimper.  "Can we see the warehouse?"

"Sure.  Can you tell me where the good farmland is for the horses?"

"Not going to live there?"

"Ryan is."  He grinned.  "Four of ours are his.  His two warmares and their daughters.  He'll be up once we find somewhere for them."

"I know where a few decent older farms are.  In pretty good shape and all that."  Xander beamed.  "I'll also introduce you to the rest of my team.  That way you have local support in case your poker habit gets you in trouble.  We do have some undercover agents...."

"I understand about that."

"Good.  Let's see the warehouse?"

"Sure.  Don, can you unpack my clothes?"

"Must I?"

"That or set up the ferret kingdom."

"I might do that instead," he admitted, moving to play with their pets.  "These are Hershey and Kiss.  They're trained to do drugs and explosives.  I accidentally cross-trained them during their training.  They're fully certified.  Horatio had to borrow them a few times when K-9 was too busy."

"I'll keep that in mind."  The ferrets came out of their smaller carry cage, letting the dogs sniff them and lap them a few times before they went into the bigger cages.  "That's quite a kingdom."

Xander grinned.  "I want the best for my pets.  They're the only kids we'll have."  He walked him out.  "How extensive was the dossier they gave you?"

"Fairly so.  Why?"  Xander pointed at someone.  He looked, then he stared.  "What is that?"

"That is a demon who's misguided and I'm going to destroy if it touches the family," Xander said.  The demon fled.  He grinned.  "That's one of the family's issues.  Demons love to want me.  Even more than princes do."

"I'll keep that in mind," he decided.  He drove the boy in his SUV to the warehouse, pointing out a few spots on the way, like where the local precinct was in case they had problems.  Xander had picked a good area to put the warehouse in.  No one down here would ask any questions.  Xander gave him the passcode to the gate and the warehouse.  "Did you already check us out?"

"Don Epps told us who he told way back when.  We checked up on you guys when some of my contacts heard you were checking us out."

"That's not a bad idea."

"I'm hormoned, not stupid.  Usually.  Now and then they do turn me into a paranoid, bouncy thing but usually just a happy, bouncy thing."  He let him check the warehouse.  "It looks like they've got everything but the shelves done."

"The walls?"

"We reinforced from this side.  There's something heavily classified from the military that someone gave one of my students to own them reinforcing it from this side."  He checked, nodding at the invisible force field feeling thing.  "That should hold up to all but a semi crashing through.  They're supposed to put up walls overtop of that of thicker steel and shelves for us this week."

"Good.  How is Caine getting it up here?"

Xander shrugged.  "He's arranging that."

Chris looked around.  The precautions were good enough for their standards.  "Anything we should know about the family grouping that wasn't included?  Beyond the demons?"

"A few years back Horatio, Ryan, and I were taken off-realm by some who wanted redheads.  Horatio's one.  We went somewhere that had a lot of ancient Greek temples.  Ryan and I both trained in the temple to Ares.  He's a high priest.  I'm what's considered an anchor for him, Strife, and Cupid.  I also know a very unique style of sword fighting dance that only GHS can do.  I'm damn good with it too.  That's how I've taken down realms."

"Interesting.  Can we see it?"

"Only if you tie yourself down.  The last time I did some in public, I caused a small orgy."

Chris stared.  "Really?"  Xander grinned and nodded.  "We have someone who might want warned about that."

"We have tapes for any GHS that want to learn."

"I might borrow a set if we can."

"That's fine."  He grinned.  "I'm not mean unless you make me be mean.  You can be growly all you want, but if you piss me off I tend to destroy things."

"I'll keep that in mind, Mr. Harris."

"You can call me Xander since you're going to be nosing around for months on end."

"Fine."  He took him back to the SUV and back home.  Once he got there, he faced down the family.  "Is there anything we will have to take precautions about beyond the weapons moving?  We can call Lieutenant Caine to help out on this end."

"He figured you would be," Danny agreed.  "Xander, bank?"

"Steve."

"Stones?" Don asked.

"Partially Steve?"  He shrugged and opened the footlocker they were using as a coffee table, making Chris hiss and back up.  "Things that wanted us to get my attention."

Larabee looked at him.  "You leave them lying around?"

"The bank vault's full," Xander defended.  "We sell them off now and then but when we do they think we need money so more come back.  That's from the last year or so."

"We can escort you to one of the local banks so you can put them into a safe box."

"Almost no one's going to break in here," Don pointed out.  "We'll call once we take care of them if they do."  He put in an earring, which made him look a tiny bit different.  "Better?"

"You look less like yourself.  The hair color's a nice touch."  It was now lighter brown, nearly blond like Ryan's was.  Xander beamed.  "Can you do that on normal people?  For undercovers and things?"

"Yes, but Denver has three null areas that would negate it," Xander told him.

"We might still come to you for that."  Xander beamed again.  He could learn to relax around this guy.  "Any other big shocks?  Stacks of money, bearer bonds?"

"We usually keep at least three bundles of cash around the house," Danny agreed.  "Some of the bastards have tried to get his attention by canceling his bank accounts without his permission."

"I'll keep that in mind.  Your students?"

"Harry, Ron, and Draco are living downtown by the convention center in a condo.   Steve found all the houses.  Steve's down by them.  Draco's my assistant with the business stuff.  He basically tries to help Steve keep me from going catatonic when they start talking that strange financial language.  Harry and Ron are both going to be opening a bookstore.  Dean and Sam might be opening a weapons shop here or I might decide to let them open a gem store.  There's a half-demonic gem store chain that I invested in who wants to open up a shop locally.  That way I can subtly get rid of some of mine when I don't want to look at them.  Danny's thinking about staying an officer?"

"We have a lab, you can apply with us or the local department," Chris said.  "Most agents like to use our own labs instead of the local one.  Caine would probably do a small housecleaning if he was planning on joining you in the Denver PD."

"Good ta know.  I'll consider them both."  That got a nod.  "Ryan Wolfe will be transferring with me that way.  He's a field CSI with a master's in genetics and a background in Trace."

"We might have room for him as well.   The lab head's name is Myra Powers."  Danny wrote that down.  "I'll let her know you're out here and he's coming up.  Any others?"

"Eric in a few years maybe," Don said.  "Horatio and Speed maybe."  That got a nod.  "Calleigh if we all move because she'll pout otherwise.  Ray and Adam may be coming up if Ray wants to.  Adam's leaving it up to him."

"Good to know.  Anything you guys need from us right now?"

"Those farms?" Xander asked.  He wrote down a name.  "The realtor?"

"Who's over most of those.  She's got a few lesser ones but there's a few that've recently sold out that are stunning.  One's fairly old.   How many horses?"

"Our three, Ryan's four," Danny said.

"Though if we have extra space we do let the ASPCA use it," Xander offered.  That got a nod.  "That's how we got Ray Junior's horse, but he's staying in Miami."

"One of my team knows them.  I'll let them know in case they need it."  Xander grinned.  "Let me get back to the office.  If you need us, you call."  He put down his card, staring at Don, who nodded.  "I have a whole team to back me up if you need us to."  He left, going back to the office to start making notes.  He called the realtor to warn her.  He called the head of the lab to warn her.  She squealed.  By the time he got back, someone had gotten him a sandwich for lunch.  "Harris is a bit bouncy but nice.  He has this off-switch for threatening situations."  They all nodded.  "The warehouse may meet specifications as long as they do cover the inside with thicker steel before they put up the shelves.  Someone call Caine, make sure he knows we're helping on this end."  One moved to look him up to do that.  He looked at Josiah.  "There's some very strange things going on."

"I've heard rumors of demons," Ezra said quietly.

"One showed up on the way out to the warehouse, he ran it off.  He also has half a footlocker full of loose gems, at least three bundles of cash in the house in case they try his accounts again, and Don Flack did not die," he said quietly.

Ezra stared at him.  "Did he perhaps have little blue lightening?"  He nodded.  "That's good to know but I've seen others."  He would not say anything about having seen his own.  "Any other good news?"

"Messer might be joining the lab with Ryan Wolfe.  I called Powers to let her know they were looking.  Harris' house has gate security and fence cameras, plus a sign from a good monitoring company.  Their dogs are K-9 trained, bomb and drugs.  They've had to lend them to Caine in the past."  That got a few smiles.  "He has ferrets and they're moving seven horses up here once they can find a good place for them."  That got a few more smiles.  The whole team rode.  Chris had their horses out at his farm.  "They did say that they'd let the ASPCA borrow barn space if they had extra and they needed it.  They have in the past.  They had another horse from that but the new owner is staying in Miami."

"So, what was he like?"

"He seemed nice.  Told me I could use his first name.  Told me he'd be straight with us if we were with him.  Ezra, you might want to talk to him about the way Flack now looks different once he put in an earring."  Ezra smirked at that.  "Yes, I think he can.  His other students are coming in.  The younger set is helping the financial manager and setting up a bookstore.  The other two will either have a gun store like they had in Miami or they'll open a branch of the jewelry store Harris invested in and use some of his that he says he's bored with.  They're a bit strange but they seemed like they were pleasant people to deal with."

"I'll introduce myself later," Ezra said.  "The warehouse?"  Chris sketched it out for them.  They all knew that area of the city.  It wasn't too bad.  Bad but not horribly so.  No gangs.

***

Xander frowned when someone buzzed the gate.  "Yes?" he asked into the intercom.

"May I enter, Mr. Harris?  I'm Ezra Standish, I'm on Mr. Larabee's team."

"We heard about you guys.  Come on."  He opened the gate, letting it close behind him.  He walked out, grabbing his sword on the way since he felt a buzz.  "Morning."

"Not quite," he said with a smirk.  "I'm not here to challenge."

"Good!  I hate removing blood from the house."  He nodded him inside.  "I'm starting on dinner."

"That's fine."  He noticed Don Flack and nodded politely.  "That we did not hear about but Chris said that he was using illusions?"

"He is," Don agreed.   "He also said there's a few null areas."

"Draco's better at them than I am," Xander admitted.  "I'm not sure if his will fail in those areas or not."

"We can look into it," he promised.  He looked around the house.  "House elves?" he teased.

"It was a near thing.  I almost borrowed Draco's."   He shrugged.  "A bit of an unpacking spell so I didn't have to deal with the closets.  Plus a space expansion charm from Ron, who was complaining about doing theirs at the condo."  He looked at him.  "Are they trustworthy?"

"I trust very few but we are like a family on our team."  That got a nod from Don.  "If Mr. Larabee catches you doing something illegal he'll take great pleasure making you miserable before throwing you into jail, but as long as you play straight with him it'll be fine."

"Does he know?" Don asked.

"About you, not about me."

"We can keep that secret," he agreed.  Dean and Sam walked in.  "How's the new place?"

"Not bad.  Huge.  Good closets once Ron got done with them."  Xander beamed.  "I'm not letting you buy us more clothes, Xander.  We'll take you shopping but you can't spoil us."

"Shut up, Dean.  I'll spoil you if I want to.  You, Sammy, and the ferrets are as close to kids as we'll get."

"We're not nearly as much trouble as the ferrets," Sam said.  "Hi, Sam and this is Dean Winchester."

"Ezra Standish.  I work on the ATF team that has oversight of this amusing family."

Xander just grinned at that.  "We do try now and then."

"Try less often," Danny ordered.  He looked at Ezra.  "How is your lab?"

"Desperately in need of more workers.  The local department's lab is not bad.  Nothing special but not bad.  We could definitely use you and Mr. Wolfe's skills."

"If you call him that, he'll have flashbacks to Horatio doing it," Xander told him with a grin.

"Good or bad?"

"Probably good.  Things were kinda bad back then but not horrible."  A shower of emeralds and sapphires came down.  Xander looked up.  "Do you mind!" he snapped.  "I'm trying to cook and I don't know what's been on them!  If you ruin dinner, I'm coming up there and you won't like it!"  The stones all sorted themselves into a neat pile on the counter.  "Thank you!"  He looked at Dean and Sam.  "Think you want to open a jewelry store?"

"If we do, we're taking some of the stuff you put into the vault," Dean said dryly.  He looked at them.  "Doesn't look like there's anything on them, Xander."

"Good."  He went back to checking what he was making.  He grimaced.  "Tastes off."

Don tasted it.  "Does."  Xander tossed it out and started over.  He looked at Ezra.  "We'll do what we can to keep our own fun and games down.  That way your boss doesn't have to get that pinched, need to have a stroke and get it over with, look again."

"He's had a politician running drugs and guns recently."

"I know how that goes," Danny sighed.  He shook his head.  "If you need us, you call.   Dean and Sam are supposed to go with Xander when he gets into the damndest places."

Dean grinned.  "We liked the poker circle in Miami.  Even if they did swear that protegees of Xander made us too evil and win too often."

"It was nice, we got a huge place because of the poker winnings," Sam agreed. "Oh, we're demon hunters formerly, Mr. Standish."

"I'll refer things like that to you then."  The whole group smiled.  "If you should need us, call us.  If it's a challenge, the only safe place to take it is down at the docks."  He wrote out an address.  "The local watcher is one that's not too fussy.  He'll be horrified if and when he finds out how many of you moved locally.  He has no idea about me but the other one in town is watched by him.  He will give you good information on where you can take them if they happen.  We're a fairly quiet city."

"That's why we moved here," Don agreed.

"Good.  If you need us, mine is the second number.  If you need introduced, I'll see if I can," he told Xander.  "As long as you stay safe."

"One of the guys in Miami sent info on us up here so we could join the local poker circles in a few months," Xander promised with a grin.  "Ares said I can only play when they're working overtime and I'm really bored."

"I can understand that.  If you need more help with them, let us know.  If you hear something dangerous, call us?"  Xander nodded.  "Good.  Then I'll let you get with your repast and night's relaxation.  Have a good moving in, people."  He left, feeling better.  The guy wasn't going to cause him any problems.  He might drive Larabee nuts the first few weeks but not him.

***

Xander walked into the watcher's store a few days later, looking around.  "Wow.  African art.  I haven't seen this in months."  The guy behind the counter's head popped up and he gaped, then whimpered.  He grinned.  "Tattoo syndrome?  I get that now and then."

"Mac should have warned us."

"I know he warned Joe."  He moved closer.  "Me, Danny, Don, Dean, and Sam are all here.  Ryan's coming in a few weeks.  You know we keep to ourselves unless something happens."

"Thank you for the warning, Mr. Harris.  I'll warn the one I watch that you're local."

"That's cool."  He grinned.  "We'll still probably check in with Stella and Mac since they're semi-family.  That way you're not overloaded."

"That's very nice of you.  Kowalski and his boyfriend?"

"Possibly.  Ray's figuring out if he can stand snow again."

"Even better.  Wolfe's coming with the farm?"  He smiled and nodded.  "Does the local department know?"

"The agents who watch over GHS warned them.  We have an ATF team who's watching over our shoulders."

"Good."  He smiled.  "So this is just a head's up?"

"Probably.  The one who told us about you did say we needed to find out where the safe places were in case they came up."  He got a map and copied it for him, handing it over.  "Thank you.  We don't anticipate but some people do think that they want my hair."

"I can see why, young man."  Xander grinned.  "What are you all doing?"

"Settling in.  Oh, Steve's here too.  I forgot him earlier."

"I'll make note of that for Joe when I swear at him for not warning me I was going to have a lot of work."

"Like I said, we'll still probably check in with Mac and Stella all the time."

"Good.  Is Flack going into the department or ATF?"

"College."

"Even better."

"Illusion charms are wonderful."

"I've heard about Delko's mysterious wrinkles."  Xander just grinned and left it there, walking out.  He banged his head on the counter, then called his boss.  "Joe, you should have warned me I had a whole clan of immies moving in," he demanded.  "Yes, Harris just walked in to warn me.  Little smartass.  Said people challenge him to get his hair."  He listened to him.  "They said they'd keep in contact with Mac and Stella since they're semi-family.   Ellison, Winchesters, that family, possibly Kowalski would move too if he wants to see snow again.  Wolfe with the farm of horses."  He nodded.  "Basically.  Thank you for the warning," he finished dryly and hung up.  This was going to eat into his time.  Unless Joe could convince the fabulous looking Stella Bonasera out to Denver to work with him.  He would enjoy hitting on her and letting her do the new ones' chronicles.

***

Two days after the weapons move, Horatio met with Steve for breakfast.  "It's a very pretty town.  All it needs is an ocean view."

"Should I find you a house, Horatio?  With what you'd get for your old one, you can buy something the size of Xander's.  His only cost half a million."

Horatio looked at him.  "It is enticing but Speed hates snow."  He smiled.  "Maybe in a few years."

"I can understand that.  By then you might be able to take over my condo when I move to help Jace."  He sipped his coffee.  "How are they settling in?"

"Xander's missing his orchard."

"He has four acres to put trees on.  Plus the farm.  Ryan picked which one he wanted last night.  They'll have close to sixty acres to plant some trees on.  It used to be a food production farm with a few horses."

"I'm sure he'd enjoy that."  He looked around.  "It is much darker here than it is in Miami."

"There's no sun reflecting off the water," Steve teased.  "A lot less bikinis too.  Ron complained about that until Harry shut him up."  Horatio laughed.  They had all mentored the boys to make sure they made a good new life.  "If you guys or Ray Junior want to move, let us know."

"I can do that."  He shook his hand.  "How many problems have you had?"

"Not many.  A few Draco sneered at.  One Harry sneered at.  The goblins were helpful finding a bank that deals with magic anyway.  They're specially safeguarding Xander's accounts this time.  They've heard of him.  There's a few more demons but otherwise it's nothing unusual."

"Good.  I'll miss the insanity Xander brings."

"You have ferrets and gang members.  Together they equal up to a bored Xander."

Horatio tried not to laugh.  "Only when the ferrets try to come to work with us again."  He failed, he burst out laughing.  "That's so bad."

"I know."  He grinned. "Beauty tried to follow Danny in on his first day at work.  His supervisor found her in his case.  Kiss is letting them out."

"All he needs is a pet dragon."

"I think the ATF team looking over their shoulders would be driven nuts if Xander got another pet dragon."

"Possibly."  He finished his coffee.  "Are you settling in all right?"

"Not bad.  I called my brother.  He's being a miserable bastard this week but otherwise it's fine."  That got a nod.  "I got a larger condo this time with the lower property values out here.  My investments are still solid."  Someone sat down with them.  Steve stared for a moment.  "This is JD Dunn, one of the ATF team, Horatio.  Agent Dunn, this is Horatio Caine."

"I know.  I wanted to meet you, sir."  He shook his hand.  "Xander's pouting and won't come out of the house?"

"Danny told him to stay inside and behave.  He grounded him for trying to be naughty last night."

"Oh.  Okay, so nothing we have to deal with?"  He shook his head.  "Chris wanted to know how much real oversight you did of the family, beyond being their mentor.  How often did you have to rescue them, handle cases that got caused by his hormones, those things.  Can we have you come talk to us later?"

"I can do that.  I don't leave until tomorrow."

JD smiled.  "Thank you, Lieutenant.  That'll make him be less grumpy."

"Not from what we've heard."

JD giggled.  "Now and then, yeah.  He has levels of grumpiness.  This morning he got up late so he couldn't get coffee until he got in."

"That's fine.  I'll be there after lunch?"

"That's fine.  Do you know where the office is?"  Horatio nodded.  "Cool.  Thank you, sir."  He handed his card to Steve.  "This is my number.  On the back is Chris and Ezra's.  Ezra deals with a lot of undecovers.  Chris said to call us directly if something was going to happen.  He gave it to Xander but he figured he hadn't spread it around yet if necessary."  He left.

"He is very young," Horatio said quietly.

"He was, but he'll age, like most everyone else," Steve reminded him.  Horatio smiled.  "You could move."

"That's up to Speed.  We'll talk about it when we get home."  He patted him and left, putting down money for breakfast.  "Have a good day warping Draco into an investment specialist."

"I do enjoy it," he agreed happily.  He tucked the card into his wallet and finished eating.  He needed food to deal with Xander's transfer of things.

***

Horatio walked into his home, finding boxes.  "Speed?" he asked calmly.

"Our ferrets miss their ferrets."

"We'll have snow."

"It happens."

"The boys are opening a book store."

He wobbled.  "I might help."  He handed him a box.  "All your suits are already packed.  The movers are coming in two days."

"Steve said he could find us a nice place fairly quickly.  Xander only has two spare rooms."

"One's still ours.  By then Wolfe will be out there too."

"What did Frank and the others say?"

"Frank threatened to follow.  Mac and Stella too because the watchers called to complain that he hadn't warned him about the extra work.  The new Chief is pissed as hell, but oh well."  He grinned.

Horatio kissed him.  "I'd follow you anywhere, you know that."

Speed took a deeper kiss.  "Pack now, sex before we pack the bed."  Horatio smiled, going to pack his office.

***

Xander frowned, opening the front door.  "Speed?"

"Our ferrets missed yours."  He gave him a hug.

Xander beamed, bouncing some.  "You're moving with us?"

"Of course we are.  You guys get into trouble when we're not there."  He walked him inside, Horatio following with their ferrets.  "Small housing gap.  Can we bum a room?"

"Of course," Danny agreed.  "We might have to switch back when we add on here so we have practice space."

"Good.  We can do that."

"Frank joked about Xander buying a neighborhood to set up like his last one," Horatio said, letting the ferrets into the larger cages.  They squeaked and played with each other for now.  They knew each other very well.

"No," Don said when Xander looked thoughtful.  "No way."

"Fine."  He grinned.  "I made breakfast.  Danny's still eating.  I can make more."

"Sure," Speed agreed, following to help.  Horatio started to follow but Xander made him go sit down.  Things were slowly getting back to normal.

***

Chris Larabee read the new reports and nearly moaned in pain.  "Caine's up for good?"  Ezra smiled and nodded.  "Good, I guess.  Tell Powers yet?"

"She went to beg him and Messer.  Messer could start as early as next week.  Wolfe the week after.  He's definitely signed on."

"Excellent."  He handed it back.  "Any other good news?"

"We'll have a whole team if he decides to go agent instead of CSI.  Kowalski tended his resignation according to rumors.  His boyfriend was protesting but not that much.  Taylor might be coming with Bonasera.  Not sure about that yet.  One of the detectives who was Caine's main backup is coming up because he wanted out of the moping according to rumors down there."

"Interesting news.  We could use another team."

"We could."

"I'm not training them."

"We can train the new team with ours.  We'll have to work with them."

"Good point."  He grimaced.  "How certain that they won't join the local department?"

"I told AD Travis.  He went to beg."

Larabee smiled.  "That could be very helpful."  That got a nod.  "Good work."

"Thank you."  He left to spread that news to the rest of the team.  They'd be happy about it too.  As long as no one had to deal with immortal battles in the streets, demons trying to take over Denver, or magic taking over the city, they'd be just fine with the Harris harem in town.  If they did have to deal with that, well, then Chris might have to spank someone.

Moving Home the Boredom.

Notes:  set at the end of the hp/spn outtake story but before the epilogue where they move.

Xander looked at his students.  They all looked kinda bored too.  It might be a good week.  "Dean, have you looked that stuff over yet?"

"I have and it seems doable.  I need to talk to Steve though.  I have no idea how to really do anything that complicated."

Xander beamed.  "He's bored too."  Harry let out a quiet whimper, getting glared at by Sam, who was still a bit grumpy this morning.  "We all get bored sometimes, Harry."

"If you say so.  I think we'll have a long time before we get really bored again, Xander.  We've got all sorts of things to catch up on."  Draco gave him a dirty look.  "Not like you know how to use an ATM or a computer, Malfoy."  The ex-girlfriend that had bound the three of them had been very mean to make him permanently a part of Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy's lives.  If they didn't quit annoying him, he'd solve that little problem some night but for now he could stand them, at least for a few more weeks.  "Plus I think we need to work some things out soon."

"You guys are more than welcome to use the other house, Harry."

"Just be careful in case that stupid demon comes back," Dean quipped.  "Last time he thought Sammy was cute."

"I'm very cute," Sam assured him.  "Not into demons but very cute."  Dean snorted.  "I am."

"Guys," Ron complained.  "You two need to quit picking on each other.  Even the twins don't pick on each other that much.  It's what makes people think you're closer than brothers."

Dean shrugged.  "Let them speculate, Ron.  They can pant and have wet dreams all they want."  Harry went bright red.  "I know I talked to you about those, kiddo."

"You did," he said, clearing his throat, hoping the blush was going away.  Draco gave him an amused look.  "What?"

"We need to get you some more varied experience, Potter."  Ron tapped his bracelet.  "I don't care if he does or not."  He looked at Xander.  "If we use the house over there, will it inconvenience anyone?"

"Nope, but we might be coming through to pick from the orchard over there," Xander told him.

"That wouldn't bother us too much.  It's your house," Draco pointed out dryly.  "Though we do have to arrange things with the goblins."

"I can have Steve take you to do that, Draco."  He texted Steve's phone saying that the students needed help with financial stuff, to come over once he got up.  He looked at Dean and Sam.  "We can find you a nice shop with good security.  You can put hunting supplies in the back if you want.  That way those who know can come to you for necessary stuff."

"That'd help," Dean agreed.  "We talked to Ellen and Bobby last night.  They know but Ellen's very wary of this stuff and the only other immie hunting demons laughed his butt off.  He said he goes to a completely new life outside of hunting then comes back in two generations."

"That's probably safer," Xander agreed.  "But you only have the demon's word that you were killed by him.  Some of them do lie."

"Which she put around but they're still thinking we took a deal to get out of hell," Sam said grimly.  "Which we didn't."

Xander grinned at him.  "We'll figure it out, Sam."  He patted him on the wrist.  He heard a car pull in and looked outside.  "That's Steve.  Draco, are you going in that?"  He went to change into a better wizarding outfit.  He looked at Dean and Sam.  "Look at it this way, guys.  It could be a lot worse.  It could've been on film and outed hunting or any number of worse ways.  Including a car accident that exposed us to cops and the press.  Plus ruined the Impala."

"True," Dean agreed.  "It didn't hurt the car or out any of us."  He nodded at Steve when he came in.  "Hey.  We need advice and so does Draco."

"We need to get the system to give them official ID's too," Xander told him.  "Adam said he could work on the immigration paperwork."

"He's already come to get the system this morning," Steve said, nodding at Draco as he came down the stairs.  "We're taking you to the bank, right?"  Draco nodded.  He looked at Dean.  "Then we'll go over the business plans Xander's drawn up for you two.  See how it works for you."  Dean and Sam both nodded.  "And work on other identities for you in case we have to."  He patted Dean on the back.  "It'll work itself out.  But for now, keep Xander from being so bored?"

"If we can," Dean agreed dryly.

"Thank you.  Let's get the shorter stop out of the way first.  C'mon, Draco.  Then we'll sit down to talk about what skills you boys will have to learn to fit in like you were born here."  He took him to the portal Xander opened out back, going to the bank.  The goblins saw him and one came running out.  "I'm not here for Xander today.  I'm helping this one, who is one of Xander's students."

"We've heard," he promised, leading them off to his office.  "Mr. Malfoy, much fuss has been going on since you left home."

"It happens but the demon bitch Granger bound the three of us after we made the stupid demon summoner undo it.  All because she was cheating on Weasley and he caught her."  He sat down.  "Potter's not comfortable there, Weasley will follow him anywhere, and I got outvoted."

"It's probably safer anyway since the newest Minister has been afflicted by veela lust."  Draco grimaced at that, shuddering slightly.  "Indeed.  Let me get an accounting of the Malfoy fortune from your usual branch and we'll have it moved here.  It's much safer; no matter who tries things they cannot get into your vaults."

"That's why we moved Xander's money here," Steve told him.  "Demons tried to play with his money a few times to make him want to come to them.  It made Xander make a lot of messes of some demon realms."

"Which is good for his account balance," the goblin told him.  "I'll get his monthly statement at the same time.  That way you can look it over."  He went to do that.  That whole group gave them some interesting challenges and let some of the younger curse breakers study some very interesting areas to keep demons out.  It benefitted the whole banking system because that new knowledge was tested here then put onto the ususal accounts for a fee.

***

Xander smiled as he led the boys into the warehouse.  "Okay, this is the weapon's warehouse, extended version."

Dean looked around then at him, then at Harry, Ron, and Draco.  "Expanding spells?" he guessed.

"Bloody big ones," Ron said in awe.  "What're those?"

"Weapons," Harry said with a small sigh.  "Are we counting?"

"You three have to learn how to use one for your own safety," Dean told him.  "Sammy and I are going to count them while you four go to the gun range."  Xander nodded, bouncing some.   "Where's the stuff for our store, Xander?"  He pointed at a whole stack of boxes.  "Cool, thanks."  They went to look it over.  Then they'd count heavier weapons.  "How much is going to Calleigh this time?"

"Um.... shouldn't have to.  Horatio only wants a new count, Dean."

"Uh-huh."  He picked up something, making Xander hiss but shake his head.  "At least it's not fully put together and counting."

"No it's not."  He took the bomb to look over.  "Okay, well, if we find any more....."

"I'll bring it to Horatio and call him to meet me somewhere," he promised.  "Plus use gloves."  That got a nod.  Xander picked out light, good training guns for the boys and some bullets, taking them to the gun range.  Dean waited until they were gone to call Horatio.  "It's Dean.  How busy are you today?"  He listened, grimacing some.  "No, I'd only trust one of the family with this one.  We found someone had left Xander a fairly complex looking bomb in the warehouse."  He smirked.  "But if you do that, then they'll try to confiscate it, Horatio.  Frank's fine if he's bored.  Thanks, man."  He hung up and went back to his counting.

Frank walked in ten minutes later and swore.  "Damn it!"

Dean leaned around a stack.  "What?"

"What's all this?"

"Xander's."

"I knew that," he said with a scowl.

"Toys."

"Uh-huh.  Problem?"  Dean pointed at the bomb.    He looked.  "I don't know anything about those."

"It's not running.  Xander checked."

"Isn't he backed up?" Frank asked dryly.

"I made sure the explosive was disconnected, Frank."

"Fine."  He looked at the other piles.  "What're you doing?"

"Xander wants me to open a gun shop."  Frank let out a hysterical sounding laugh at that.  "Normal gun shop, none of his stuff.  He was buying us a starting inventory.  Then we're doing a weapons count."

"Does Horatio know how big this place is?"

"He said he's heard he was buying and for us to do a count."

"Uh-huh.  Why call me?"

"Horatio said he was busy, Frank," he offered with a grin.

Frank shuddered.  "That the only one?"

"Nope, found two others."  He pointed.  "Both disconnected or we'd have already had Bomb Squad here.  I'm not dumb or suicidal."

"Even better."  He looked.  "I can't fit those in the car."

"Call Calleigh.  He said he'd try to but she was off today."

"Is any of this going to her?"

"Depends on what we find."  He went over to start on the count.  Most everything was now labeled.  He, Sam, Xander, and Ray Junior had done that last time and apparently Ryan had kept it up when he bought new things.  A few things were in classified cases but they'd deal with those later.  Dean helped Frank get the bombs into his car's trunk.  One had to sit in the back seat but that was fine with him.  It's not like they'd stop Frank or something.  And hey, Xander wasn't delivering it this time, right?  Dean was working on the list when Calleigh came in and moaned.  He looked at her.  "Frank tell you about the bombs?"

"Horatio said to come help you with the count.  What's all this?"

"That pile's for my future gun shop Xander wants me to open."

"Why?"

"Some demon stabbed us then bragged," he said grimly.

"Oh.  Sorry."  She gave him a short hug then went to look.  "At least it's easily notated this time.  I'll start on the rifles."

"Sure.  I'm noting what's on the cards on this end."  She nodded, settling in to compare to the old count and keep going.  He had some nice things.  Too bad she wanted to take most of it from him.  He knew she did.  She kept moaning when she looked inside cases.

***

Horatio walked out to meet Dean in the parking lot.  "How bad?" he asked when Calleigh got out of the Impala too.  "Thank you for helping."

"He's clearly catching that hoarding problem, Horatio.  He's used expanding charms."

"I had hoped it wasn't that bad yet."

Dean snorted, handing him the printout they had gotten off the laptop.  "Sorry.  Frank do okay with the bombs?"

"A patrol cruiser spotted the bombs and pulled him over.  Frank had to tell him that they had been found and he was bringing them in for destruction.  They called a unit commander, who Frank told that Xander had found them.  They understood and escorted him."  He went back to the printout.  It was twice as thick as the last one.  "Why are there X's, Dean?"

"Those say classified."

"Jethro is going to throw a fit," he decided.

"A few we want to keep.  They're neat looking energy weapons.  Definitely not military issue."

Horatio stared at him.  "We'll see."  He went back to the list.  "How big is the warehouse?"

"Football field sized," she said grimly.  "Plus about three stories high.  He needs more bullets too.  He only has some for some of the guns."

Horatio sighed.  "All right.  I'll talk with him later about weeding it down."

Dean pointed at a mark he had put on after the note.  "Anything with that is beyond building destroying.  Some of those are also vehicle -mounted.  No idea why he has those.  Those are what I'd say are too big unless he's making a paramilitary unit to protect himself."

"Don't tempt him," he muttered, cracking Calleigh up.  "I see some of your marks as well?"

"Some that had problems in the same box or ones that he has multiple of.  He doesn't need two cases of rifles."

"Good point.  I'll talk with him.  We relocked it?" he asked her.

"Of course.  And changed the code."  He smiled at that, walking off to call the boy into his office.  She looked at Dean.  "We deserve ice cream."

"We do," he decided.  "My treat?  Someone might think it's a date," he teased with a grin.

"You're cute enough even if you are a bit too tough for my tastes, Dean."  She let him take her out to the ice cream place by her condo.  She could head home afterward.  That way she could coo over petting the weapons while having some personal time.  It wasn't every day a woman got to have  heavy artillery between her legs.

***

Horatio looked at Xander when he walked in.  "We have to talk about your collection again."

"Why?  I kept with the rules."

"Xander, you had to use an expanding charm," he said bluntly.  "Some of it is classified and some of it's vehicle-mounted."  He let him see the list.

"I don't remember buying half of this."

"Good, then we can weed some of that out," he said firmly.  Xander pouted.  "Don't try it."  Xander nodded, handing the list back.  "The ATF agent who looks over both our shoulders has set a firm limit.  Nothing stronger than what a sidewinder missile would do to a building.  That weeds out a good third of your artillery but leaves you a good range.  It does take all the classified weapons as well.  Though Dean did make a case for the strange energy weapons to stay.  I'll be talking to Jethro about that."

"He won't let me."

"He might and knows what it's like to protect you, Xander."  The younger man relaxed some.  "Calleigh also found some of the lesser weapons had some barrel faults and other problems so we can take those for destruction too."

"I don't remember buying some of those."

"Which is a problem, Xander.  They're not supposed to be able to get presents into that warehouse."

Xander grimaced but nodded.  "True."  He shifted.  "We can do that as long as I'm not left totally without."

"You won't be.  We all remember the time we were stolen because we confiscated everything."  Xander grinned slightly.  "Will you let us handle that part?"  Xander nodded.  "Good."  He smiled.  "How did the boys do on the gun range?"

"Crappy but better than I expected for a first day.  Ron's nearly on target.  Harry is on target but they did a lot of aiming work with their wands so they said it's about the same.  Draco asked about aiming charms to put on the bullets."  Horatio smirked.  "He's hitting the target but nowhere near the inner circle.  He'll get there."  He shifted again.  "I need a list of skills that we've got to train into them.  I know cooking, driving, computers, and those things."

"We can look at those.  People who work with physically disabled people have tasks lists that they train to so their people can live on their own.  We can start there."  Xander smiled and nodded.  "Right now I think it'll be fine.  Are we getting them licenses?"

"Adam got them state ID's because you can't do anything without a proper ID these days."

"Good point.  We'll look up that list later and go over what they can and can't already do.  Don't overload them by making them watch tv and getting them a cellphone today."

"I didn't.  I did get Ron some new clothes that weren't hand-me-downs.  Harry and Draco just sighed but oh well."

"Good boy.  Let me call Jethro down.  Can they borrow a room?"

"Sure.  Or they can have the hotel suite that somehow Steve said is mine."

"I'll talk to Steve.  Do an inventory of the present warehouse with the boys this week please.  Just in case."  Xander nodded, standing up.  "Thank you for being reasonable, Xander."

"As long as you're reasonable with me I'm good with it, Horatio.  I know I don't need anything vehicle-mounted."  That got a smile so he left.

Horatio started with Steve.  "What hotel suite?"  He listened, frowning some.  "Why?"  He nodded once.  "Let Jethro and his team use it?"  He smiled.  "Yes, someone gave him some things that were a bit too much.  Again.  Thank you, Steve."  He hung up and faxed Jethro a list to his email then he texted Greg to check Jethro's email for him.

***

Gibbs looked at his computer when it beeped but he was working on a map to help figure out where a missing Navy Sergeant went hiking.  "What's that, McGee?"

Greg's phone chirped.  He looked at the message.  "Horatio said Xander's gotten some higher presents.  There's a hotel suite we can borrow.  That's the new email."

McGee looked up.  "This list is horrifying, Boss.  I know some units who don't travel with this sort of ordinance."

Gibbs came over to look it over, growling some.  "Did he buy it?"

"No clue.   Horatio said some were presents," Greg said.  "We can find out."

"Let's find this missing one first then we'll find out."  They nodded, getting back to work.  Jethro erased the email before any of the official snoops found it.  Then he emptied his trash just in case too.  He didn't want to see Xander in prison for arms buying.  Though, spanked he could definitely see.  Hopefully he would get to see it soon.

***

Tony strolled into the weapon's warehouse, looking at Dean and Sam.  "Energy weapons?"

Dean pointed at a case he had moved to the back.  "They're unique looking and if possible we should keep at least one of each."

"I'd have to check.  I think I know where they came from."  He went to look.  Somehow Major Davis, the over-stressed liaison officer to that project that always wanted to know what he got from his kingdom of mines, had heard about the energy weapons.  He had described them very well.  "Bad news, these are beyond classified."

"So can we take two of each out of the boxes?" Dean suggested.

"I'll see.  He knows about Xander and his odd things; he might let him keep two of each."  He called.  "It's DiNozzo.  Are you local?  Because you were right but the boy wants to keep two of each type.  Three different types.  One kinda looks like what you were describing and two are spot-on."  Gibbs walked in and whimpered.  "No, that was the boss.  We're at Xander's weapons storage area.  Greenway.  That system, yes.  You can have Horatio bring you."  He hung up.  "We'll see, guys.  If possible.  He might not mind but we're not sure."  They nodded and showed Gibbs the stacks that Dean had done a preliminary sort on.  Tony saw another pile.  "What's these smaller boxes, guys?"

"Xander bought us stock for the gun shop we're opening."

Tony looked at Sam.  "Why?"

"Demons bragging that they killed us," Dean said dryly.

"Sorry.  Okay, we can leave those alone.  Calleigh and Horatio coming?"

"Yup, for whatever you guys don't take with you."

"We can do most of it," Gibbs assured him.  He came to look at the energy weapons.  "Those look strange."

"They're part of Davis's thing, boss."

"Never mind.  I don't need to know."  He went back to looking over the others.  "Any idea who sent some of these to him?"

"Nope," Dean admitted, leaning against a stack of cases.  Horatio, Major Davis, and one other guy walked in.  That guy made whining noises.  "ATF?" he guessed.

"The new agent assigned to oversee us," Horatio told him.  "He was briefed by the last agent and handed the old inventory before he moved to Hawaii."  He shook hands with Jethro.  "We've come to an agreement on how powerful he's allowed up to.  Plus to destroy some of the rifles and things that have faults."

"That'll work," Gibbs agreed.  "Still a lot here."

"We can help him weed some of those down later."

"Why is he allowed to keep all this?" the agent demanded.  "He's not in that much danger!"  A demon showed up and snatched him.  He came back a minute later shaking, pale, and on his knees.  "He still doesn't need more than three or four pieces," he complained.  "Plus some handguns."

"He's had to use three or four pieces to help destroy a demon realm," Sam told him.  "We've actually used about twenty things in the warehouse stealing ourselves back."

Horatio shuddered.  "I did not hear about those?"

"It was off-plane and we were getting ourselves back by making them sorry for taking us," Dean assured him.  He looked at the agent.  "Most of the time he leaves it alone.  Unless we're invaded by aliens who're mean or who eat hormones, we're all cool with it staying in here.  Calm down before you have a stroke."

"We are weeding it down by a third today," Horatio assured him.  "With the limits we set, plus all the stuff Jethro needs to confiscate because somehow he got classified things again, we can weed down a lot of it."

"That's still too much," he complained, standing up.  "He doesn't need that much."   Xander appeared, his hair messy and his sword in his hand.  "How did you do that?"

"I beat the asses of the demons who think I should have you as my concubine helper, Horatio," he said, ignoring him.  "And then destroyed their castles and fields."  He smiled sweetly.  "By the way, they're the ones sending the weapons.  They're very sorry."

"How did they get classified things?" Dean asked.

"They have a whole unit of guards who they've rented to the military for war zone guarding duties."  He pulled something out of his back waistband, handing it over.  "Their contract and the name of the general who fled when they took me to talk about why I was weeding out some of their presents."

Gibbs looked it over.  "I know him.  He'll be sorry."  He put it into his back pocket.  "I do agree that even taking a third this is too much, Xander."

"We can weed it out again in six months," Horatio reminded him.  "Gauging it on what he's had to use and what he still has at that time."

Gibbs considered it then nodded. "That would work for me.  That way he's not totally unprotected but it's a good timetable.  That way you know if they're going to quit giving you things and we'll be able to stop their pipeline by then as well."  Xander nodded at that.  "Then can we maybe set a limit to have no more than ten of any one type of weapon?  As long as you aren't needing to use it?"

"I can see that happening," Xander said cautiously.  "But what if I need them?"

"Then we have a military base nearby that we can call and get you authorized to borrow from," Tony told him.  Xander relaxed and nodded at that.  "Good boy.  Can we do that today?"  Xander pouted.  "Please?  So the ATF agent is less huffy?"

Xander looked at him then kissed him, making him swoon and fall back to his knees.  "You can look over Horatio's shoulder but only him and this team at NCIS get to play with my weapons officially.  Anything you want from them, you ask Horatio.  I trust him not to be a puss sucker who'll get me hurt.  Unlike you."

"I can see having a few."

"I used six of them last night," Xander told him.  "Castles don't get blown up by magic you know."

The guy whimpered.  "I can see the ten or under of anything limit at this point.  Then we'll talk about weeding it down farther beyond that."  Horatio nodded at that.  "Thank you."  He stood up and straightened himself out.  "You trust Lieutenant Caine?"

"He's like my dad."

"Fine."  He came over to help Gibbs.  "Does he know many arms dealers in the city?"

"We don't arrest them for the things that Xander buys," Horatio told him simply.  "Everything else is fair game."

"But there's a few in town I could do without because they make fun of my hair and call me too girly to handle real weapons."  Xander smiled sweetly.  Tony and Gibbs shuddered.  "What?  Only one's in one of those neat patriotic groups of people that want to be Homeland Security."

"Really?" Gibbs asked.  "How bad are they?"

Xander hissed at  Horatio, who coughed, shaking his head.  "Bad enough.  They do try to obstruct and make new categories that the rules cover."

"Pushing their luck if they come after me again," Xander told him.  "By the way, that one Black something or other?  Pity."  He stared at Horatio.  "Very pity."

"How bad will it be?"

Xander just smirked.  "Some of the poker buddies gave me *wonderful* ideas."

"Have we mentioned you playing poker with thugs is a bad thing recently?" Tony asked him.

"I'm bored," he said simply.  "I'll even start bringing Dean and Sam with me.  That way Horatio has another way to look over my shoulder.  Besides, Andrea wanted introduced to Sam."

"The assassin?" Tony asked.

"Yup," Xander said happily.  "She won't hurt him but she thinks he's hot.  I'm under orders to bring them to a poker game soon."

"We're card sharks," Dean offered from his stack, looking at Sam, who was blushing.  "If I remember right, she was cute."

"That's nice.  If she's nice, I might not mind a single date but I'm not going to commit to it until I've talked with her.  I'm not that easy."

"That's often a good idea with his poker circle," Horatio told him.  He scowled at Xander. "Do not help them work fewer hours again, Xander.  They're still complaining that you made the criminal overlord of Miami play with a garden gnome that way."

"He did what?" Gibbs asked.  He couldn't mean.....

"They hadn't been home in *days* due to a takeover bid our geriatric former criminal overlord had been stopping," Horatio told him.  "Xander politely went to him and asked him to please give the crimes a rest for a few days because he was backed up and his boys weren't coming home to help him.  Chuck unwisely asked how bad it was.  His guards brought in facts on who had done what crimes for the prior three weeks to give us some time off."  Gibbs shuddered.  "Exactly."

"It helped," Xander pointed out.

"It may have but it was incredibly mean," Tony assured him, giving him a hug.

"DiNozzo, if you or Sanders *ever* do that it had better be a matter of national security or an alien invasion.  Am I clear?" Gibbs said impatiently.

"Not on my agenda, boss," he said with a smug grin.  He got head-smacked for it too.  "Hey!"

The ATF agent looked at him.  "We can't abuse our agents, Special Agent Gibbs.  They frown on that."

Tony snickered.  "No one tells Gibbs no.   We work out of the DC office."

"I've heard."  He looked over at Davis, who was talking quietly on his cellphone.  "Should we worry about yours?"

"Mine's from a classified military project.  If you come near it, I have the authority to bring you to them so you can join it until you're retired or you die."

"That's fine, we'll stay over here," Tony said happily.

"You know, one of the poker buddies said I'd make a great diplomat.  No one would ever be mad at me.  I could make arguing ones stop and all sorts of neat things."

"No, Xander.  That's a horrible thought," Horatio said firmly.  "Talk to Dean about the poker circle for a bit."  He pouted but went to do that.  Davis had said that to whoever he was talking to.  "Don't think about it."

"My senior commander just shuddered so hard he fell off his chair, Lieutenant.  We don't even want to know about this stuff.  It's stranger than we are."

"That says something," Tony quipped.

"Quite."  He hung up, walking over to Xander and Dean.  "We should confiscate all of them," he said quietly.  He had been advised to act like he was talking Jackson or O'Neill out of doing something with this boy.  That he'd understand and accept being treated that same way.  Better than the fit he got the last time so he'd try it.  "You're not trained on them.  You have no idea how they work so you can't clean them.  Plus the fact that they're highly classified.  It would draw you deeper into our current problems."

"Yeah, but you guys would probably come to me anyway if something was happening in Miami," Xander pointed out.  "Plus I can learn how to clean them and use them."

"But the technology behind them might get out, Mr. Harris.  We're extremely worried about that because of the origins.  How did you get them anyway?"

"One of the portal demons found them at a bust and thought I might be interested in them.  Said to share them with someone named Sam and Jack."

"I was talking with Jack and Sam's commanding officer just then.  We'd have to clear you to teach you how to use them."

"You know, he's probably as close to an odd weapons specialist as you'd ever get," Dean pointed out.

"Which is why we are talking about training him in how to use them.  Him and DiNozzo both in case it becomes handy and they're stolen to an area where they use them."  Tony looked over and shrugged.  "And Sanders too."  He looked at him again.  "Until we can train you I can't let you keep them but we are talking about having you trained."  Xander nodded, pouting slightly.  "It's a risk until you know how to use them.  One of those can disintegrate a body with the third shot," he said quietly.

"Which is way too powerful unless we need to know," Dean agreed.  Xander scowled at him.  "If you teach him, he's going to teach us in the family."

"It was noted you went to the mall with Mr. Potter anyway, Mr. Winchester.  We knew that."  He looked at Xander.  "We are considering it.  It would come in handy to have you trained for your own safety.  Because we realize if you got captured by them you would probably be the worst threat to humanity ever.  Especially with that immortality of yours and what they do to their favored captives," he finished very quietly.  Xander nodded.  "So we are talking about it and keeping every single mention of people with your gifts and the condition you share with DiNozzo out of their hands."

"I've heard some about them," Xander said.  "How many do they already have?"

"Some but they don't realize that it's not something that comes from those specific places as far as we know.  We asked some allies who would know."

"Good.  Then I can accept that but I would like to learn."

"Agreed.  When we can get you cleared, we will."  Xander  nodded, smiling some.  "Do you know where any others are stashed?"

"Yes, but we'd have to raid the DPP confiscated storage area and a few other places."

"Can we raid all but the DPP one?" Dean suggested.

"Two are the hoarding demon clans that run the weapons bazaars."

"We would be interested in negotiating for them so you can tell them that," Davis told him.  "That way you don't have to invade."

Xander rubbed a necklace, bringing Detective Mystyck down.  "Detective Mystyck, this is Major Davis.  His program's over the portal thing that keeps screwing up yours."

"Pleasure to meet you, Major.  Is there a problem coming?"

"No, the problem we have is that Mr. Harris has somehow found some classified weapons from our project."  He pointed at the boxes.  "He thinks you may have confiscated some of them and may know where more are so we can negotiate to get them back where they belong."

"Those are interesting weapons and yes we have recently.  We can talk about that with those clans.  Hoarder demons are usually reasonable to trade or buy from.  They're commercial sellers usually.  The others we took from a warrior clan if I remember right.  Come, I'll take you to my desk.  Thank you for not invading, Xander."

"I wasn't going to.  I like the hoarder demons.  They take some of the gems I don't want."

"Good."  He took the major with him, going over that file and what they had in storage.  They had no idea how to destroy them.  He even recognized some other things so they got to go over the clan itself to see where the connection was.

***

Major Davis appeared in his commanding officer's officer in Cheyenne Mountain with a whole stack of boxes and a few other bags.  "Sir," he said, saluting him.

"At ease, Major.  What's all this?" Hammond asked.  He wouldn't ask how he just *appeared* out of thin air.  You got used to strange things around his job.

"This is stuff that the DPP, the demonic police, confiscated from a warrior clan that was trained by some Jaffa that got trapped for a bit by a portal problem we caused."

"Free Jaffa or other?"

"Other, sir.  It explained why that one person you were concerned about had a sudden drop in troops."  He handed over the file.  "They took them, took their training, then killed them for the weapons.  The DPP got them for using advanced weapons against a weaker race of demons who they wanted to conquer."

"Good of them.  What's in the bags?"

"Mr. Harris offered us a few of his bottomless bags to transport some other things that he helped us find among the hoarder demons who run bazaars.  Some weapons, some other trinkets that are clearly from off world.  Including two canopic jars with moving larva it sounds like."

"Interesting.  How do they fit in there?"

"They're bottomless, sir.  I thought Major Carter would like to slam her head against a wall for months on end trying to figure that out.  I also know who else is trying to figure them out so she can talk to them.  They've got a good NSA rating so if they've figured it out she can liaison with the math and physics team."

"Team?"

"One mathematician, his girlfriend in the same field, his best friend is a physics teacher at the same college, plus possibly their department head.  All have higher than average clearances; the lead math person is very highly rated.  He does some of our formulas for new databases and things.  It's in the file."

"Good to know.  She might enjoy that.  She's enjoying the portal books he found her."

"They did say it was nice that we recalibrated the power output on ours so it quit messing with theirs."

"It helped here too.  Are all those boxes weapons?"

"Yes, sir."

He called someone.  "We have found some weapons in others' hands.  Come get the boxes with some help."  He hung up.  "Jack will be right up.  You can hand those to Captain Carter yourself and explain them to her.  I have asked for training permission for Mr. Harris.  The president is thinking about it."

"Have him ask Special Agent Gibbs why, sir."

"He already knows, son.  He's heard all about DiNozzo and Sanders.  He bluntly asked me if he was like them and I told him he was, but worse."

"Much worse.  He's also Miami's apocalypse vault holder.  Because the demons don't take him as often when he has artillery."

"That's nice of them.   How much are we talking about?"

"The ATF and Lieutenant Caine came to an agreement on what he was allowed to have since earlier today his warehouse took up about the same space as a three story football field, sir."  Hammond shuddered.  "It's been narrowed down to about half that.  He does use some of it to get himself back from some realms.  Apparently he enjoys destroying the ones who want to keep him."

"I would too, son."  People walked in and saluted.  "The DPP confiscated these from a warrior clan that learned from trapped Jaffa.   They were picking on a weaker species with them."

Davis smiled, handing Sam Carter the bags.  "Captain, these are bottomless.  As long as they are not ripped, anything that can fit inside will fit inside.  If they're ripped everything disappears.  We negotiated with some hoarding demons to get the trinkets they had from off-world.  To empty them I'm told you turn it over and think about emptying it.  Though there are two canopic jars in there so I would think them up first to take them out.  Inside is the file on the team that is also trying to figure it out.  They've got good ratings if you needed or wanted to consult."

"Thank you.  Are we sure they're right?"

"I saw a person come out of one," he told her.  She looked then opened one, looking inside.  She stuck her hand, then her arm down in there.  "Exactly," he said at her amazed look.  "They've even used them for rescues of certain GHS members at times.  Mr. Harris said to frustrate yourself all you wanted with the magical artifacts.  He had some others."

"I'm sure I'll be spending a lot of time working on them," she said.  "Which one has the canopic jars?"

"I don't remember."

"I can handle that."  She walked them off.  The grunts and others could get the weapons to check them in.  She had a mystery that shouldn't be able to exist.  Plus some other things that probably needed looked over.  Trinkets was a broad category to them.

***

Horatio and the ATF agent stood up as the Chief of Police and the local AD of the ATF walked into the warehouse they were doing the destruction run from.  "Sirs," Horatio said.

"Harris again?" the Chief of Police asked.

"Yes, sir.  We've set firm limits on what he is allowed to keep as presents, up to what class of power, and how many.  He agreed earlier that no more than ten and under a certain class was reasonable.  I did also find out that he has used some to get himself free from some of the ones who've taken him.  Six in the last month or so he's said."  That got a wince.  "He does enjoy destroying them for wanting him, sir."

"I'm sure he does.  I would too.  How much does this leave him?"

"Just under half, sir, with the heavier contingent being rifles and other hand-held lesser weapons," the ATF agent told his boss.  "He's agreed that in six months we'd look at how much he's had to use to get himself free and weed out some more from there, plus weed out anything he was given that was too strong."

"That seems reasonable.  Is he pouting?"

"He petted them but nothing in this lot was special to him yet," Horatio said.  "He has also given your agent information on two arms dealers who won't play cards with him and make fun of his hair.  One called him too weak and gay to handle weapons.  Apparently Don Flack talked him out of going to use one on his house the other day when he got into bullying again."

"I should reward Flack for that," the Chief said grimly.  "Did he know?"

"No, sir.  Only that Xander wanted to destroy him painfully as he put it."

"That probably would do it, yes.  Are we watching him more carefully?"

"With his last two students down, both of whom are very familiar with weapons, they'll be doing a monthly inventory from now on," Horatio told him.  "Plus keeping track of what they needed to use."

"Even better.  Any other nasty shocks?  I heard Tripp had to bring in bombs?"

"Dean Winchester found them during the inventory.  Someone had left them for Xander.  They weren't active when they were found."

"Thankfully," the AD said dryly.  "Otherwise that part of Miami would be in smoking ruins."

"Someone gave him a forcefield generation system.  It would've kept the explosion mostly inside it," Horatio told him.  "He showed it off to Special Agent Gibbs earlier because it is a new part of the security on his warehouse."

"Jethro Gibbs knows Harris?" the AD demanded.

"Yes, sir.  He and Greg Sanders are very good friends.  Sanders used to help Xander when he was doing allergy studies for the group down here."

"That explains so much."  He rubbed his forehead, taking the roll of antacids from his agent.  "Thank you."

"I had some for lunch, sir.  Harris is reasonable but a bit pouty.  I wanted him to have under ten pieces total and got shown why that was a bad idea.  That's why we negotiated it down and then plan on weeding out more in six months."

"Not totally," Horatio warned.

"We don't want anyone to have to make a mess like he did getting you guys out of LA," the AD assured him.  "I have heard rumors?"

"About?"

"Denver?"

"Xander feels that in a few years, possibly about a decade, he'll be moving the family that way.  The native New Yorkers will miss snow by then plus some other considerations would be prompting it at that time," he told him.  "We're at the 'when necessary we'll be moving there but no hard plans have been made' stage at this moment.  I have heard that someone who knows about GHS and does guard at the conventions has warned the local office out there."

"One of them wrote us for dossiers," the AD said grimly.  "We handed them what we had so far."

"That's fine.  Xander's very good to the departments that work with him.  He spoils our precinct horribly, sir.  Taylor's lab as well."

"I've heard, Caine.  Is he that good of a cook?"

"Yes, sir.  Plus he will let us know things from the poker circles if it's important and we ask him the right questions."

"Even better with who he plays with," the Chief complained.  "Can't you make him stop again?"

"It does help his safety, sir.  No one in his poker circle wants to take or hurt him.  They've stopped others from trying.  It does give us an idea of what's going on if we ask the right things.  Plus they don't have as much money to use for their plans and drugs when he is playing."

"True.  How much has he won this round of being bored?"

"Close to my lab's budget for the year in the last month."

The Chief let out a low, deep moan at that.  "Damn."

"Very, sir.  Which is why we monitor it.  Though he wouldn't mind if crime slowed down and he got his boys back again."

"If I could I'd have it slow down too.  You know that."  He grimaced, looking at the stacks of things.  "Has either senior ballistics tech seen these?"

"Calleigh helped Dean with the inventory.  She found some of the handguns and rifles had some faults so she had them confiscated as well.  Xander does believe in quality over quantity."

"We can still use them in an emergency?" his boss asked.

"Of course.  If I need it, all I have to do is ask."

"Good.  SWAT knows?"

"No, why would they?"

"In case they need something, Caine," his boss said dryly.

"The head of Rapid Response knows that Xander likes weapons.  He knows that if something should need weapons all he has to do is ask me.  The man's not very nice to gay people and I would hate to make Xander deal with him over that topic, sir.  I'm not sure he can be tactful when he's wanting something from him."

"Good point.  He is a bit bigoted on that subject.  Fine.  As long as they know they can come to you for that.  I'd hate to see Harris put him on his knees and make him beg too."

"They do.  I'll make sure of it later."

"Good."  He looked around again.  "Dispo run is when?"

"Today," the agent told him.  "We'll be handling it."

"We'll be backing them up," Horatio assured him.

"So no troubles like the last one?" the AD asked.

"No, sir.  There shouldn't be."

"Wonderful news.  Keep my agent informed."

"I can do that."  The bosses left.  Horatio looked at him.  "Does he always stare down at you that way?"

"Now and then.  I think he wants to carry a whip but they won't let him," he admitted dryly.  That got a small laugh and they got back to the official cataloging in.  "What about the things Gibbs took?"

"It's going to the local base to be counted, sent back where it belongs, and Gibbs went to personally arrest that general for hiring demons who would take the weapons."

"I've heard he's a bastard."

"In many ways but he knows that Xander can't help it sometimes.  He's frustrated by him but he handles it."

"Good.  How did the DC convention go?"

"Not too bad.  Agents guarded the hotel from anyone else coming in.  Like ambassadors.  We had a few who did try but they were shooed off.  The exploring group that went on the tours was very pleased with the hired tours they found for them.  It went smoothly but it was a bit paranoid for the usual convention.  Xander had fun at it.  He managed to sneak past three agents but the usual ones that guard at the conventions caught him.  It got that one a promotion and raise."

"Did the others get busted down?"

"No, they realized Xander is that sneaky thanks to his past."

"I did some checking.  Demon hunting?"

Horatio hummed and nodded.  "Before his hormones came out.  Dean and Sam do the same thing."

"I know who to call if we run into a problem then."

"It's rare but it does happen now and then ."

"Good.  What's this present warehouse you were talking about?"

"He has a warehouse set up across town where ill-timed and intended presents can be dropped off but he doesn't go near it except to check for more living things.  That way they can take them back when they realize he doesn't want them.  The last major inventory we did we found a tiger cub and two mummies."

The agent grimaced.  "Are you kidding?"

"No.  She's at the zoo.  She's doing very well."

He burst out laughing.  "Is that normal?"

"Only for level tens," he said patiently.

"I'll keep that in mind.  I got told earlier I'd be on for conventions and things that happen down here."

"That's fine.  We know there's at least a few agents in town that do know so they can handle things.  Like the ones in DC that help when DiNozzo is gifted by arms dealers and terrorists."

"Poor Gibbs.  Does he have an ulcer yet?"

"No.  Apparently having two together works well for him."

"Good for him."  He got back to his list.  "Have we warned the dispo site?"

"Not yet.  We'll warn as we're on our way."

"Good."  He finished up.  Horatio finished his.  They got Rapid Response in to gather things for the run to the incinerator.

Horatio pulled the head of the team aside.  "The Chief wanted me to make sure you knew that coming to me when you needed things like this could get you them."

"I remember you saying that, Caine.  How is Harris?"

"Not bad.  He's agreed to restrictions on his weapons for safety reasons.  This was his."

"I figured it was since we hadn't heard of a new arms dealer being busted."

"We have information on two that have been trying to bully him."

He smirked.  "He doesn't like it?"

"There's a local rumor that he's a force for karma when you act against him."

"Interesting.  Has it been proven?"

"The Mala Noche who shot an agent in DC got them raided with Xander's information because Xander knew the agents."

"Ooooh."  He winced.  "Yeah, I guess he can be.  I'll be sure to come to you first if we need something like this."

"Please do."  He walked off.  "We'll call the incinerator on the way," he announced.  The last of the boxes was loaded up and they got into the vans, calling once they pulled out of the storage warehouse.

***

Xander flopped down, looking at the trio of boys.  "We're going over the list of skills that most people have.  That way we can train them into you guys so you look native.  Things like driving."

"Would we be able to borrow the corvette?" Draco teased with a smile.

"Hell no.  But I'd help you get your own car, Draco."  He smiled.  "My baby.  The same as Don's bike is his."

"That's fine then.  How long is this list?"

"Some of it you already know some of.  Things like most people can use an ATM.  You've seen me do it."

"I have a card that accesses my main account," Draco told him.  "Steve arranged that."

"Me too," Harry agreed.

"Good.  You can probably balance your accounts."  They nodded.  "So we'll work on the more minor life skills.  Cooking, driving, work stuff.  Draco, Steve said you had a good hand at your own finances.  He's been grooming Ryan to help him when he had to switch lives.  He said you could help learn that if you wanted.  It'd be a huge help to him."

"I might not mind," he admitted.  "It's not that arduous.  He told me a few times he's taken his laptop to the beach to work from there.  What is a laptop?"

"Computer."

"Huh?" Ron asked.

"That's why we're going to go over the simple things," Xander assured him, giving him a pat.  "So you know how to use a phone, the tv, a computer for basic things.  Drive.  All that stuff."

"What about our wands?" Ron asked.  "Can we stay in practice?"

"I don't see why not," Xander said.  "I think it'd help those two when they need to rescue themselves.  I also know that I was having Harry and Draco taught wandless magic to help them even more since we think Harry's a book in this plane."

Ron relaxed.  "So we can fly and stuff?"

"Sure, though I wouldn't suggest you do it where you can be seen.  At the farm, the other house, in the orchard if the neighbors won't see you."

"We can definitely do that," Draco agreed.  "Also we talked about moving to the other house, the one across the closet doorway?  We think it would give you less tasks to deal with us but let us feel more independent, yet still safe.  Would that be all right?"

"It'd be fine with me.  You guys can still come mooch dinner and things, Draco."

"I'll never be able to cook like you," Harry told him.  "So of course we will.  Like Dean and Sam will."  Xander beamed at that compliment.  "We were also talking about further education and working."

"If Draco helps Steve, he'd get a paycheck from that.  Steve could probably find Ron a job within the stuff that I deal with.  Maybe with the horses or something or in one of the stores I own.  Somewhere.  Or there's college once you guys are more used to things if you find something you want to do.  Sam went and he liked it until the demon forced him back to hunting."

"We can talk with Sam about that," Harry agreed.  "Plus with Steve about the job stuff.  I wouldn't mind working with the horses."

"It means you'd have to clean stalls, Harry."

"Well, maybe not that so much but we'd have to see."

"I know Steve said he was going to pick up a book that had some sort of test in it to help you decide what sort of careers to look into based on what you like to do.  He was going to do that with you guys tomorrow once he went over the business plans I drew up for Dean.  He thinks I forgot some stuff."

"That's reasonable since you've never run a gunshop," Ron said.  "You wouldn't know if they needed special permits or things.  The twins had to get special permits for their labs since things explode now and then."

"Which is what I figured," Xander agreed.  "So today, we're coven bound?"  They all nodded.  "On the way we'll go over how to do some things.  I know Draco and Harry know how to work some of the things around the house like the tv and phone."

"I would've loved to have text messages at Hogwarts.  Instant, silent communication would be very good for planning things."

Harry nodded.  "We could've used it too."

"The twins would've driven everyone nuts coming up with coded phrases," Ron said dryly.

"True," Harry agreed. "But we'd have left them alone, thinking they were working on new pranks."

"Good point."  He shifted some. "Where's the dogs?  Harry was bragging about the dogs but they're not in here."

"They're on the bed napping like big lumps of drooling fur," Xander told him.  That got a grin.  "I'll teach you how to play with them later.  They'll want to play when they get up."  He looked at the ferrets.  "It's apparently a napping day again anyway."  He stood up.  "Let's hit the coven's store then I'll go grocery shopping."

"By yourself?" Harry asked patiently.  He didn't want Ron to get any bad ideas from watching Xander rescue himself from another kidnaping.  He might try to overprotect him and Draco to prevent it.

"I can grocery shop.  It should be safe since I blew up a demon plane last night for taking me and having weapons that they shouldn't."  He grinned.  "If not, I'll call Sam.  He's thinking about college stuff so I can take him to the various colleges.  Since he doesn't have his own car."  They put on shoes and headed out with him in the stretch Range Rover.  Ron patted it and muttered something about huge cars.

"It's comfy," Harry told him.  "I told you about it."

"I remember but I thought it'd be smaller."  He got into the back with Harry, checking everything out.

"We can play video games later," Harry told him when he looked at the game system.  "It won't take us too long to get to the shop."

"Sure," he agreed, getting comfortable.  "Mum would've killed for a car this size to carry all of us places."

"She would've killed your dad if he had gotten it to fly," Harry joked back.

"True, she would've swatted him until he undid it."  They stopped beside a store and he followed Harry inside it.  "This looks normal."

Harry grinned.  "They don't have to have stuff like Snape does."  He hugged the older woman behind the counter.  "Hi again."

"You're still unbalancing the realms, Harry.  I should beat Xander for that."

"I came back because things got bad.  Again.  I couldn't take it.  Then Hermione linked us together."  He held up Ron's wrist to show the manacle.

She touched it then sighed.  "It can be removed but it will leave the linkage I'm afraid.  Someone needs to give that girl a road sign on what's going to happen to her some day soon."

Xander strolled in with a package, handing it to her.  "The Molinar demon hair."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "I politely wrote Willow an email saying that I had taken in three young refugees from another plane after a witch using nature and demonic chaos magic linked them to someone like me."

She gave him a horrified look.  "That will truly unbalance things."

"I gave her how to pull her to a neutral realm to have a talk with the girl."  He smiled sweetly.  "Like we did when we trained Harry."

Someone stomped in.  "You're out of the house without guards?" he demanded.  "You know how dangerous that is, Harris."

"Who in the hell are you?" he asked dryly, staring him down.  "I don't know you."

"I'm in Flack's unit.  You're not allowed out of the house alone.  You know that."

"I go out alone all the time and I'm not alone.  These are my last students and then I'm going to pick up Sam."

"You're still out alone.  They're just kids."

Xander sighed and pulled his sword.  "You want me that badly, come and get me, little boy."

"Xander, no bloodshed in the store," the witch complained.  "He's not demonic."

"I know that."  The guy pulled his cuffs.  Xander sliced them open then got him down and in pain.  He stared.  "I think I'll drop him off with Don before I head to pick up Sam.  Call when you're done talking with them.  We're going over native life skills to teach them too."  He got up and hauled the guy up by the scruff of his neck, hauling him out to the SUV.  He locked him in the trunk section then got in to drive.  He pulled into Don's precinct a short drive later, smiling as he got out.  "What?  I'm being good.  I even let Horatio confiscate stuff I got given."  The guarding officer was scowling.

"You made a lot of paperwork on that dispo run, Harris.  Are you here to apologize?"

"No, the idiot in the trunk decided I was bad for being out with the younger students.  Claimed I was out alone.  Fortunately the witch told me I couldn't chop him into pieces."  He walked around, getting him out of the trunk and shaking him so he'd quit struggling.  "Know him?  He says he works with Don."

"Kind of.  I think he's new," the officer admitted.  "Want us to take him?  I'm not sure Flack's in."

"Is Danny?"

"I know Messer is.  Wolfe is and Delko is.  Tripp is but he's got a headache."

"Sorry."  He walked him up there, waving at the receptionist as he walked him past her.  "Tried to grab me."  He walked him to Frank's desk since Don's was empty.  "He yelled at me for being out with Harry and the boys.  Claimed I was out alone and that was a bad thing."

"Only if you're going to do more things that'll give me a worse headache, Harris.  Sit him down and I'll talk to him.  He's new."

"He tried to cuff me, Frank.  I had to cut his pitiful cuffs with my sword."  He shoved him down and moved behind Frank's chair, working on his shoulders.  "I did take the massage classes that once," he said happily.  "I can go out alone all the time.  I'm very careful in my own defense and I'm very good at protecting myself.  Most of the time I'm okay in Miami.  The poker buddies help me make sure of it most of the time."  Frank's neck finally relaxed so he smiled down at him and went to work on the next stress knot.  "Frank, this knot isn't all muscle.  It's got something solid.  Do you have a boil or something?"

"No, some shrapnel from a few years back, kid.  I'm good, thanks."

"Shut up, Frank.  You are not."  He finished up with that and moved down lower.  Frank winced but he got that knot unkinked too.  "There, headache better?"

"Much," he said with a smile.  "Maybe you should take more classes in it?"

"I'm doing pretty good.  I might look into it again.  I did it while the dogs were in training too."  He looked at the detective.  "Just because my hormones are out of control doesn't mean that I can't do things for myself.  I don't have butt wipers or bathers.  Or even people to throw flowers at my feet.  I could if I wanted but they ruin good flowers for that."  The detective gave him a confused look.  "I don't."

"I'll talk with him, Xander.  Go be a good boy for a few more days?"

"I was going to take Sam around to some of the local colleges since he doesn't have his own car.  The boys are with the coven at the shop to work on how she linked them."

"That's fine.  SUV?"  Xander nodded.  "Even better.  Be safe and behave.  Horatio and them won't be back for hours."

"I was reasonable, Frank.  I agreed to limits and all that good stuff.  Even Horatio said I was reasonable.  Even the new ATF agent did."

"Good of you.  Shoo.  Bring in lunch soon?"

"Sure, I can do that."  He bounced off, back down to his SUV to find Steve and the boys.  They were probably at his place so that'd help.  He knew where it was.

Frank looked at him.  "That was stupid being that blunt.  Even when he's totally backed up he can still be slightly safe around town."

"We have assassins, arms dealers, and gang members, not to mention retired mafia people who might want him as a toy, Detective."

"Yeah, but he plays poker with them.  He wins a lot of money off them most of the time.  They all know about Xander and usually respect him after meeting him.  Also, Xander is a lot tougher than he looks.  One of the times he got taken was to a battle ring place.  He survived four months there before he got rescued.  He's not that weak.  He might be bouncy, gay, and have long hair but he's not weak, kid.  I've seen him bring down perps with a pout and major dealers with a gun.  Even when he's out alone he'll usually hand them over if there's a problem.  He likes to drag them to Flack to present the problems to him.  It ups his stats some weeks but he appreciates it.  We hate his poker habit but we can't fully stop it when he's bored because it's helpful.  Plus he makes some of them a lot poorer so they can't pull their plans.  Those who pay him in drugs get destroyed and then handed in."

"He doesn't seem that strong."

"He's very strong.  He's also very stubborn and you're lucky he only dragged you in here without the usual bruising and bleeding.  I saw that boy capture a Mala Noche who had blown up an officer by going out against orders to dance in front of him.  Got him to the point where he drooled then knocked him out and presented him to me and Horatio.   He's not weak or helpless most of the time.  Plus he's got students and lovers to nag about his safety.  Most of the rest of us only have to worry when it's a major problem.   Next time, call Flack to let him know you saw him out if there's trouble."

"He was at some new agey shop."

"He can be like that.  The boy does meditate and pray to Cupid and Strife.  Says they're over his life.  Plus he spent some time training with some guys who prayed to Ares.  The same as Wolfe did.  They're hell with their swords because of it."

"Who uses a sword?" he sneered.

"Xander's a marksman but he prefers a sword for self defense and has gotten ones with guns in the past," Danny said as he walked over.  "Plus there's other dangers that he can handle with it."  He looked at the new guy.  "You were bothering our boy?"

"He was out alone."

"He had the younger trio of students out then he was going to pick up Sam," Frank told him.

"That's nice but why is this guy worried about it?  It's nothing to him if he gets snatched or hurt."

Frank looked at him.  "That is an interesting question."

"We were told to watch out for the guy."

"Only if he's in trouble," Danny told him.  "Not always.  That's my job and Don's job.  Now, anything else?"  He stared him down until the guy looked away.  "Good!"  He smiled at Frank.  "H is back from the drop.  It went well.  ATF is pleased.  Their boss is pleased that Xander was reasonable about setting limits."

"He said that even Horatio agreed he had been reasonable."

"I'm happy he was," Danny agreed.  "No pouting later."  Don came in with someone in cuffs.  "Xander's out and about."

"He usually is.  He gets too bored sitting at home.  Poker again or students?"

"Students today but this one wanted to make him go home."

Don stared at him.  "Why were you bothering my boy?  Not like he's yours or you're supposed to be protecting him.  Though, didn't Xander beat you yet?"

"Dragged him in here by the back of his neck," Frank said.  "Rubbed my headache out.  I suggested he look at more massage classes."

"I forgot he did that," Don admitted.  "Huh.  We'll see.  It might help him."  He settled down to do the arrest report.  Ray Kowalski came in with his boyfriend from lunch.  "Hey, guys."

"We passed Xander.  He was heading for Steve's," Ray told him.

"He was going to pick up Sam," Frank told him.

"Good for him.  Sam could use some wearing out time."  They shared a look then he looked at the new guy, then back at Frank.  "Problems?"

"He didn't want Xander out alone."

"Ah."  He shook his head.  "Xander can thump him good a few times before we have ta step in."  He sat down, going over something with Adam.  "So what's that say?"

Adam wrote out the translation beneath it.  "Their marking is very good.  Nearly textbook perfect.  Did they trace it out first?"

"We did find charcoal marks around some," Ray admitted.  "Think they brought in a projector or maybe a stencil?"

"I think they practiced first.  This wasn't their first time.  Some of those have very tiny lines that look very precise.  He's studied it like some people study calligraphy."

"Huh.  So he's probably got other Egyptian antiques and stuff you think?"

"I'd think so.   I'd also think that he was fairly known for it with what this says.  Some of those words aren't the sort you'd find in any good translation book.  That one's very obscure," he said with a point.  Ray gave him a look, getting a head shake.  "I don't know anyone who would've done that who is one of us," he said quietly, getting a nod.  "I do know that this person has an extensive knowledge.  With the way you described the mummification ritual, he had it down perfectly.  Including some steps that were only whispered about but not formally acknowledged in any text."

"Good ta know," he said, making notes on that.  "Think it might be a professor? Someone like that?"

"It's not a casual student.  If he's not a professor, most of them would remember him for his detailed questions and interests that were quite obtuse."

"I can ask around then."  He smiled.  "Thanks, Adam."

"Welcome.  You know I'll help if you ask."  He stood up.  "Do you need more help?"

"Not unless you wanna help Alexx do the autopsy?"

"Not really.  Dead bodies are not my thing."  He smirked.  "I'll make chops for dinner?"

"Can we have burgers?  My stomach's being low-brow today."

"I can do that."  He took a kiss then left.  That was an interesting scene his lover had been called to.  He hadn't seen one that detailed in years.  He should've told him who to call in New York but he'd find the records on that case if he went looking.  Best not to have him slip and say he had referred him to that detective.

Don looked over.  "Good news?"

"He could translate it.  He knew a lot about the little things.  Adam said if he's not a professor, the professors probably remembered him."  He stood up, grabbing the pictures.  "I'm off to the college.  Any other good news?"

"Xander got my headache out," Frank told him.

"Good job then."  He patted him on the way past him.  This new schmuck Don would call about if he needed help handling him.  For now, he had an archeological obsessed idiot who killed to find.

***

Ron looked at the list the witches had drawn up.  "It seems like a lot," he said.

"It's not all hard stuff.  A lot of it you'll pick up by watching them.  Like using a telephone properly, it's not that hard.  We teach it to little kids."  She patted him on the cheek and fed him another cookie.  He grinned back.  "You'll pick it up and it'll be fine, young man.  Then we'll get to work teaching you how to not only rely on your wands.  Draco seems to have some focus for it.  Harry can do some but not as much because he can't stay focused."  Ron blushed a bit.  "Not a criticism.  You'll handle it."

"I like girls," he blurted out, making a few of the witches and Draco laugh.  "Hey!" he complained.  "Not nice."

"I'm still Draco Malfoy, Weasley.  I'm not nice."

"You can pretend," Harry assured him.  "Because Xander will paddle us if we duel again."  He stared at him until Draco looked away.  "It's not that hard to learn, Ron.  Plus you get to learn how to ride a horse since Xander goes out every morning to exercise them."

"We had a neighbor who had a pony," he said.  "I can kind of ride."

"Xander can jump his in the woods," Draco said.  "I still can't."

"That's an advanced skill," one of the witches said patiently.  Dean strolled in, looking around.  "They're still here."

"Where did Xander and Sammy go?"

"College looking," Harry said.  "We're working on the list of things we should learn fairly shortly."

Dean came over to look, adding a few things.  "Because we want you guys able to protect yourselves."

"Xander took us to the gun range," he reminded him.  "You did once with Draco and I too."

"Yup, but practice is good for that skill.  It's something that helps you get where you need to be."

"Fine," Draco agreed.  "Even if it was loud and left a cloud of nastiness on you."

"It can do that but it's damn handy when you can shoot a demon instead of beheading one."

"I guess that's reasonable.  Are you bringing us home since Xander had to drag off the person who complained that he was out alone?"

"I probably should.  Are we done with them, ladies?  If so, we can go home and figure out what we want to beg Xander to cook for us."  He grinned.

"We are but they should be learning some wandless magic as well, Winchester."

"Of course.  It can only help them protect each other," he agreed.  "You can teach Sammy too if you can make him focus that long."  They smiled.  "We don't mind.  Protection is all good to all of us."

"Wonderful."  She fed him a cookie, getting another grin.  "Take them and go home.  Xander and Sam should be done very shortly.  Call so he won't worry."  Dean nodded, getting the boys into the Impala so he could call as they drove home.  "Such fragile young things to hold so much power, energy, and destiny."

"Thankfully Harry's destiny is done with," the woman behind the counter said.  "Draco's destiny is more cloudy but Ron's is firm that he has to be there to back poor Harry up until he finds someone worthy of him."

"With the taint from that manacle spell, there's no chance it won't end up being a trio," another said.  "They'll still feel it whenever one does anything.  It will draw them back together."

Everyone nodded, eating their own cookies.  The boys were good students for the most part.  Draco's attitude could be better.  Harry and Ron could be more serious, but they were just boys so they understood.

***

Sam sat on his bed, looking at Dean later that night.  "Gun shop plans going well?"

"Very well.  Steve said he knew a nice shop.  He's looking into licenses we'll need through the local ATF office.  He said it should be fine."  He took a deep breath.  "How was the college visit?"

"Not bad.  Not great but not bad."  He shifted some.  "Would it bother you if I started taking classes again?  Not living on campus or anything but finishing my bachelor's?"  He looked up at his brother.  He knew Dean had felt abandoned when he went to Stanford.  "I'd still be there all the time but I'd be taking classes while helping around the store."

Dean considered it.  "I think it'd be okay.  It'd also be a good step to a next life maybe."  Sam beamed at him and he knew he had made the right decision.  "Are we getting our own place?"

"Sometime soon probably.  That way Xander's not overloaded feeding us.  Even if he does complain that he'd be lonely again I'm not used to living with anyone but you anymore."

"I can understand that.  Especially since this house is more spoiling than we've ever had."  Sam nodded quickly.  "We still have our accounts.  We can start looking this week maybe?"

"Maybe," Sam agreed.  "Not that we won't be over nearly every day anyway."

"True.  Because you can't cook yet and I'm not good at it.  I like to eat more than I like to cook."

"I can cook and take lessons from Xander," Sam promised, relaxing more.  It was going to work out.  "Are we going to be above the shop or somewhere nearby?  Rent or buy?"

"I'd like to rent.  Property taxes are horrible around here according to Steve.  We could probably afford a condo but that's owning something and there'd be maintenance fees and stuff.  If we had to dump and run, it'd be easier if we rented too."  He considered it.  "I've seen a few really nice looking places recently they're nearer to the store.  Not that far away from here either.  Within ten minutes drive.  The shop's probably going to be in that plaza with the music store you guys keep hitting for girly rock."  Sam nodded at that.  It had a few empty stores that did look good.  It was also near a police station so they'd have extra security there.  "When I was driving to the coven's store earlier they had a really nice building with a sign going up that they were leasing places.  We'd have to look."

"We can do that.  Something not this large but with separate rooms and a nice bathroom would be nice."

"It would be," Dean agreed.  "We'd need a good bathroom that'd fit your giant ass in it."  Sam grinned.  "Decent kitchen too."

"I can start looking online."

"Sure, go for it.  I know rent's high but we should be okay."  Sam nodded, pulling his laptop over to get online at rent.com.  It had a lot of local listings.  "Pet friendly?" he suggested.

"I wouldn't mind a dog," Sam said, beaming at him.  "It might be really nice but we'd have to be able to bring it with us somehow so it wouldn't pee in the house all day."

"True.  That is the problem with an apartment."  Sam nodded, getting back to looking.  He heard a few interested sounds and saw Sam give a closer to look to a few.  "Anything interesting?"

"Some very yuppie, bland, squarish places."  He clicked on one and handed it over to him.  "How about that?  It's three bedrooms but we can turn the other into a practice area or an office maybe."

Dean looked it over.  "It's not bad, but kinda expensive."

"Miami real estate is all expensive."

"Good point."  He looked it over, humming.  "Can we schedule to see it tomorrow?"

"Yup.  Click on that button saying we'd like a call about it and then go find our phones."

Dean went to do that before he clicked on the button so Xander wouldn't answer it.  He might pout them to death because they'd be leaving the nest.  He found a few others that looked nice enough near there.  Sam leaned over to point at one.  "Far out of the way."

"By about six blocks, Dean.  We can jog that if we need to."

"Good point."  He clicked on that one too, setting up appointments to look things over, emailing Steve those appointments as well in case he needed to know.  They had full new identities, including credit histories, so they'd be okay with a background and/or credit check for them.  They hoped.  It'd be nice to be on their own.  Some days they felt like they were Xander's kids because he spoiled them so much.

***

Dean liked the place they were currently looking at.  It was decent sized.  It had a nice bathroom with a pretty deep tub.  The owners had just renovated it recently.  Three bedrooms.  Decent sized kitchen too.  Second floor but they had an elevator in case they were injured.  Dean looked at Sam, who was apparently in love with the view of the college up the road and the bay beyond it.  He walked over to look, smiling at the view himself.  "Nice."

Sam pointed down.  "Dean, look."

He did and snickered.  "Steve."  They shared a look and came over to sign for it.  It even had special parking for residents so their car wouldn't have to sit on the street.  The realtor ran it through the system, coming up with a good answer so they had keys later that afternoon.  Now all they had to do was announce it.  They went back to the house, finding Xander crocheting while scowling.  "Not coming out right?"

"No, it's not cooperating."  He put it aside before he threw it.  He stared at him.  "You two look too happy to have been doing anything but getting into trouble."

"Well, not exactly," Sam said, sitting next to him.  "Since we're staying we did make a small decision."  Xander nodded slowly.  "We're moving to an apartment that's about fifteen minutes from here and about six blocks from the new store.  That way we feel like we're adults and can bring over girls and things."

Xander pouted.  "You can do that here."

"Yeah, we could, but we don't want them to hit on Don instead of us," Dean said with a grin.  He sat down.  "Not like we won't be over every other day or so, Xander."

"I know but it sucks."

"It does not," Sam said, giving him a hug.  Xander relaxed.  "It's a nice place.  Second floor, reserved parking, three bedrooms.  Decent kitchen so I can keep taking cooking lessons from you," he said hopefully.  Xander grinned at that.  "You can even help me pack the kitchen with necessary stuff."

"I can help decorate?"

"Maybe," Dean said.  "Within reason.  We're not the cuddly sofa sort."

"I don't mind the sofa," Sam complained.  "The color won't go but it's comfortable."

"I was thinking leather, Sammy."

"Leather gets sticky in humidity," Xander told him.  "Or else we'd still have a leather sofa.  We did in New York."

"We can look and you can help us, but we're decorating," Dean told him.  Xander nodded.  "And paying for it."

"Fine."

"Thanks, Xander."  Sam gave him another squeeze.  "It's good to have the help."  Xander smiled.  "We have keys.  Want to go look and measure and stuff?"

"Sure."  He hopped up.  The boys took him back there once they had packed their rooms up.  Xander walked around the apartment.  It was really nice.  It had a good view.  "You're on the parade route," he said happily.

"We are?" Dean asked.  "Huh."

Xander grinned.  "That means we can come watch the major parades with you."  He gave him a hug.  "I can help with the pots and pans.  And I know a good place to get decent furniture that's not like mine or will have to be ordered."  They nodded, letting him direct Dean to that place.  Dean found something he liked.  Sam found a good reading chair for him.  Xander gifted them with a tv but they knew they wouldn't get away from all the spoiling.   They found beds at the same place and had it there within a few hours.  Then they went kitchen shopping plus towel shopping.  Not like they traveled with towels, wash cloths, hand towels for the kitchen, and dish rags.  That was a fun spot.  Xander threatened them with all sorts of gadgets Sam couldn't use yet.  They ended up with a fairly basic kitchen setup by the time they got out of there, even if they did end up with copper bowls, cast iron as well as normal pans, and fancy dishes.  Xander reminded them about sheets so they hit a store for that then went back to finish unpacking and settling in.  Xander even made them dinner so they wouldn't starve that first night.  Then he hugged them both and left.

Dean called the cable company while Sam decided on a movie to put in.  They settled in on their new comfy sitting spots and decided they were kind of lonely without a whole houseful of people but they'd get used to it.  It was good for them to be on their own again.

***

Don looked around after dinner.  "Dean's stomach didn't show up to eat?"

"Dean and Sam decided it'd be good for them to be on their own for a bit," Xander said with a frown.  He leaned against Don's side, getting cuddled.  "They have a nice sized apartment near the store they're opening."

"Good.  How much work does it need to decorate?"

"They picked out stuff earlier and had it delivered," Xander admitted.  "I made them dinner too."

"So they're fully settled in?" Danny asked.  Xander nodded, pouting some.  "You know, this means they need to throw a house warming party."

Xander beamed.  "They do.  That means I can give them the ice cream machine Sam was staring at but didn't know what he'd use it for."

"It does," Danny agreed.  Xander beamed at that.  "It also means that we don't have to be careful to not land on one of them when we pounce you.  Only the dogs and the boys."

"They're playing with their brooms in the other house," Xander said, starting to get interested.  Danny leered.  Xander winked and got up, sashaying into the bedroom.

Don finished his drink.  He'd need the fluid.  Xander was in a mood.  Danny finished his tea too.  Then they went to pounce their boy.  Xander needed pounced more often.  They had been working long hours again.  It was almost bad enough for him to play poker.

Rides to the Rescue.

Sam stared around the new store.  It was all set up.  All the licenses, all the inventory, even the forms they'd need was arranged for ease of filling out for new gun ownership.  The hunting supplies were carefully hidden in a back room.  If some investigative person looked they might find it odd that they had rock salt shells but they could explain those as speciality home defense items.  The holy water was in simple jugs so that would pass inspection.  The protections were hidden under the carpet and in silver paint around the doors that was hard to see unless you squinted.  He stared at Dean, who was running a hand over a display case.  "Ready?"

"Give me a minute."  He calmed himself.  He had never had a *real* job before.  One that paid him and all that stuff.  He wasn't sure he could handle it.  But Sammy was here with him.  They were going to be here for a long while.  This would give them some legitimate reasons to follow Xander around too.  Xander liked gun shows, they could go with him.  He looked up at Sam, seeing him watching him.  "I'm good."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure.  Let's get this show on the road."   Sam unlocked the doors, putting up the security gate then turning off the security system.  They were open for business.  No one was waiting to come in but that gave them more time to get used to the idea.  They were respectable and out of the shadows.  It'd take some getting used to.  "What would Xander have done if I said I didn't want to do this?" he asked.

"I asked him what would've happened if you felt you weren't ready to give up hunting."  Sam patted him on the shoulder.  "He said his collection would've had a few new guns and he would've supported our decision."  He grinned.  "I think he sees us like his little brothers or something."

"Could be, Sammy," he agreed.  "Or his kids."  Sam beamed and nodded.  It made Dean relax.  Xander wouldn't have pouted at him if he hadn't accepted.  That was good.  "As a dad figure, Horatio's probably one of the cooler parents there is," he realized.  "Don or Danny too.  Adam teaches us to swear in long dead languages.  He's like the insane uncle every family has somewhere."

"Family is everything to a lot of people.  Even the ones you make instead of the ones you inherit."

Dean nodded.  "Xander did a good job."  Sam nodded at that, leaning beside him on the counter, waiting for someone to come in.

***

Xander walked into the station, smiling at the receptionist.  "If you'll let me pimp my protege's new shop I've got lunch in the car," he offered.

She smiled.  "Which proteges opened a shop, Xander?"

"Dean and Sam opened a gun shop since they settled down here."  He beamed.  "Dean helps me handle my stuff so he's very good."

"I've seen him and Calleigh talking about your collection a few times."  She leaned on the counter.  "Do they offer PD discounts?"

"You know, I forgot to ask him."  He unfolded the flier Sam had given him to give to his boys for the bulletin boards.  "They do."  He handed it to her, getting a smile.  "I set them up with their beginning inventory.  I did a good job picking out normal stuff."

"I'll pass it around.  Plenty of guys could use a new shop to get bullets and things."

He leaned closer.  "If he needs to I can slip Dean a reference to get things like vests," he said quietly.  She beamed and nodded at that.  He straightened up again.  "Anyone here?"

"Everyone but Delko."

"Eric can get leftovers later.  I left some at home for lunch.  Can you get Ryan to help me carry?  It's a really heavy pan."

"Just the lab?"

"You guys have pizza coming."  She beamed, paging Ryan for him.  Ryan walked out and beamed when he spotted him.  "Lunch?"

"Definitely.  How heavy is it?"

"Very."  He took him down to the SUV, letting him get one of the two pans he had used this time.  Real pans that he'd have to hand wash later on since they wouldn't fit in the dish washer, but it was worth it.  "The boys opened their shop today."

"I'll stop by later."  He carried his pan into the break room, putting it down on a counter so he could peek under the foil.  He moaned.  "I adore your cooking, Xander."  Xander kissed him on the cheek then bounced off.  He paged the rest of the guys with the word lunch.

The receptionist peeked in.  "He said we're getting pizza.  Any idea when?"

"Let me call the place he orders from."  He did that.  "It's Wolfe.  Did Mr. Harris place an order for the station that houses the crime lab?"  He frowned, then nodded.  "Thanks."  He called Xander.  "Steve did it to you again?"  Xander groaned and called the pizza place back to fix that problem.  "Soon.  Steve's still holding the new cards and Xander forgot."  Xander called him back.  "Wolfe," he answered.  Then he smirked.  "That's fine, Xander.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "Forty-five minutes.  Seventy-two pizzas, share with any patrol guys who conveniently stop in."  She nodded, going to pass that around.  Xander had paid cash and went to find Steve to see what was wrong with his card this time.  Ryan dished himself up some of the casserole and walked off eating.  "Food!" he yelled.  "Patrol's getting pizza."  The others headed down to get their own.  They loved Xander lunches too.

***

Dean finished up his first day of his first real job, counting the money in the register.  Not that it had changed but it had to be done he supposed.  "Today was kind of boring."

"It was," Sam agreed.  "Maybe we need a grand opening?  Balloons, some advertising?"

"Xander said he'd spread word to the PD and others he knew," Dean reminded him.  "Besides, those seem cheesy, Sammy."

"They can," he agreed.  "I can see you doing a tv ad.  You'd come off like a used car salesman with a bikini clad woman with a gun on your lap."  Dean smirked at that mental image.  Someone knocked on the door so he opened it.  "We're still here," he said cheerfully.

"Good," Horatio said.  He came in to look around.  He needed some new bullets.  So did Speed, and a gun cleaning kit.  "How was today, boys?"

"You're the first person all day," Dean said dryly.

"Remember to frame the first dollar," Horatio said with a smile.  "It's supposed to bring good luck."  He paid for his stuff and looked at Dean.  "Xander did hand over the fliers."

"Good.  Maybe we'll have more people tomorrow."

"We get paid on Thursday," Horatio told him.  "Probably then since this is the middle of the month payday."  Dean grinned and nodded at that knowledge.  "The PD discount is very nice though, boys."  He smiled at them.  "You'll do fine.  There's not many truly legitimate gun shops in the area that we can go to."  He took his bag off the counter.  "Have a good celebration tonight."

"Was Xander cooking?" Dean asked.

"He made us lunch.  Then he went to pout at Steve because his credit card glitched again.  He's finding out why and going to destroy the reason."

"Could be the bank," Sam said.  "We heard one got raided by the Feds earlier."

"Could be," Horatio agreed.  "I hadn't heard that."  He smiled, looking them over.  "Don't forget to call your hunting friends.  They'll probably be a lot more constant of buyers."  He left them alone.

"I forgot to call Bobby," Dean admitted, using the store phone to do that.  "It's us.  We're open for business.  Whole back room full of hunter's supplies."  He grinned.  "Nah, we're good.  Only had one customer just now.  Sammy, someone's coming."  He listened to him.  "Sure, we're here.  Miami's a vacation capital if you want to visit, Bobby.  We've even got our own place now.  That way Xander couldn't spoil us more.  Yup, that's us.  We have a list of stuff we can and can't ship from our licenses.  So if it's on it, sure.  If not, we'll figure it out, Bobby.  Thanks, man."  He hung up, nodding at the guy who walked in after checking his wallet.  "Patrol?"

"We saw the flier.  Harris gave it to us with lunch."  He smiled.  "Bullets?"  Sam pointed.  "Husband?" he asked with a teasing grin.

"I'd never sleep with Sammy, he snores," Dean said dryly.  "He's my little brother.  That's the only thing that's kept me from strangling him some nights."  The officer giggled on his way to the bullets.  He looked at Sammy.  "Allergies acting up?"

"The flowers on that tree outside our windows is bothering me," he admitted.  "I took something last night.  It doesn't last long."

"You can get an air purifier to fix that," the officer said as he brought a box back.  "That's what we have to do for my son.  He's got asthma and a dog."

"We need to pick up something to help with the air conditioner too," Sam said.  "We'll look into that though.  Thank you."  The guy smiled, paying for it, taking his change and his box off.  Sam leaned on the counter beside his brother.  "Frame for the first dollar?"  Dean pulled it out and stuck it in the one Xander had left for them.  It went onto the wall under their licenses.  Then they waited.  They could stay open a few extra hours tonight.  It'd be good for business.

***

Xander walked into the Treasury office the next morning.  He was dressed nicely.  He had his hair braided.  He wasn't openly carrying weapons.  Yet when someone saw him they still went running like he was chasing after them with a sword.  "I take it you know what I'm here to ask?" he called after him.  Another agent came back with the first one.  "Hi.  You guys busted one of my banks yesterday.  Which locked my accounts.  I need to know who I talk to about getting them freed so I can move them."

"You are, sir?"

"Alexander Harris."

"It was noted you did have some higher investments with the bank," he admitted, leading him back to his office.

"Mostly we had the credit card accounts there.  My shopping account.  Which caused me no end of problems yesterday.  So how soon is it going to be fixed or should I worry about moving it?"

"I'd move it personally.  We found a member of their Board had blackmailed one of the tellers into embezzling."

Xander nodded once.  "I had a problem with one that sent me presents so I'd send them back.  It let him cash them out to get money back."

The agent gave him an odd look.  "Why would he do that?"

Xander grinned.  "Some people think I need stuff."

"Good to know.  Let me check on something."  He pulled up the case file on his computer, looking it over.  "I'd say we could release accounts within the week."  He looked at the young man.  "That way you could make arrangements with a better bank."

"I'm sure my financial manager will be.  He'd be here but he had a migraine from yesterday.  I'll be getting it all back?"

"You should be, yes."

"Good."  He shook his hand.  "Please call any of the numbers on the account when I can move them?  Or you can call Detective Flack in Homicide if you want."

"You're related to him, sir?"

"I'm his houseboy."  He smirked.  "I spoil him horribly to protect me from present givers."  He stood up.  "Thank you for that information.  You might tell the other guy there's no reason to be paranoid about me most of the time."  He left, heading to tell Steve that.  His migraine over this headache was nearly cleared up so they could make plans.  This was seriously going to crimp his shopping habit.  He'd have to go play more poker for gas money.  Or convince Steve to open a bank.

The agent called up that name to look over what they had.  His boss stomped in.  "Who is that guy?  He has some major investments, but he's no heir I've ever heard of.  He seems too low class to be an heir.  He didn't sneer at all.  He said he's the houseboy of some detective in homicide?"

The guy got onto another file, letting him see it.  The first agent moaned.  "That's Mr. Harris.  Which is why Perkins went running.  A few years back he had to deal with the young man over a problem they had."  He stared at him.  "What did he want?"

"He wanted to know when he could move his account with the bank we busted yesterday.  His shopping and credit card feeder accounts were there."

"Interesting.  His kind usually have a manager."

"He's got a migraine."  He looked up.  "He said we busted someone for giving him presents that he embezzled?"

"I remember that case.  Talk about a nightmare.  The guy was embezzling, sending him presents to launder the money, then cashing them out when he got them back.  Fortunately he kept some track of what the guy sent him."

"Interesting.  Should we have a problem with him?"

"Only if his poker buddies complain," he said grimly.  "He has this bad habit of helping his boyfriends' jobs by playing poker with the local underground.  He claims it's gas money or that he's making sure they can't use it for evil plans."

"Very interesting.  Is he under investigation?"

"No, things like that happen to guys like Harris," he said grimly.  "You go insane but deal with him as fast as you can."

"If we can clear his accounts of any embezzlement, we can release them tomorrow."

"Do so.  I hate to deal with any of his family.  Caine considers him a protégé.  He hung out with Caine's nephew all the time before he went off to college."  He walked off to take some tylenol.  He would've had the bust handled differently if he had known someone like Harris banked there.  It'd only cause problems.  The agent went back to his background check.  The forensic accountants would have that information to him by tomorrow.  There was something odd about this guy.  When he found it, he brought that printed sheet to his boss, who stared up at him.  "We know."

"It can't be real."

"He's the guy we got the powder off of to take care of the creature causing the last brownout."  He handed it back.  "It is real in some areas.  They seem to want him more than any putz around here.  My friend at the IRS said he gets dragged in quarterly for confession about them."  He shrugged.  "Like I said, deal with him as fast as you can for your own sanity."

"I'll make sure his can be released tomorrow."

"Good."  He took something for his headache once the agent was gone then sent Caine's lab an email to say that they were hurrying the release of funds from that bank due to Mr. Harris' involvement.  To make him be patient, it should be done within a week.

***

Danny had the honor of the general email account this week, opening it when it beeped.  "Huh," he said dryly.  "Hey, Wolfe, did you have a problem with anything yesterday?"

"No.  I only used the gas card he gave me though.  Why?"

"The Treasury busted a bank?"

"Yeah, he said the one he has his shopping accounts in."  He grimaced back at Danny's desk.  "Xander said it screwed up his day yesterday.  He was going to see when it could be released today."

"Sometime this week.  They sent an email."

"So they looked him up and blushed or got horrified?" Ryan quipped.

"Probably."  He sent back one saying that was fine.  Xander had plenty he could live on until then.  The he got back to his paperwork.  He hated paperwork.

***

Xander walked into the boys' store, smiling at Dean.  "Bored?"

"Not really.  We've had two people browsing.  One who needed bullets.  Bodyguard."

"They happen," he agreed.  He looked around then leaned on the counter.  "Bobby called me."

"Why?"

"Your phone's dead."

Dean looked then plugged it in again.  "Thanks."

Xander grinned.  "Welcome.  The boys are going to pick out their own guns from you later this week."

"We can handle that.  You sure you don't want them to get it out of your stores?"

"No, because I want them to start with something fresh that they won't have to worry about changing out on.  They'll learn the ins and outs of each others' weapons, but I want them to start with something fresh."

"That can be helpful when learning.  Dad taught me on a shotgun that became mine once I learned how to clean and use it."  He looked around.  "You set us up with a few good beginner options."  He looked at Xander again.  "We're not doing bad."

"Good."  He handed over something.  "Gun show here.  You can meet distributors there."  Dean grinned at that.  "Plus one of my illegal contacts is going too."  He straightened up.  "Sword polish?"

"Yup, back shelf by the special door."  Xander went to get some, coming back to pay for it.  "Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome."  He grinned.  "You guys are some of my favorites to spoil."  He patted him on the cheek then left him alone to go over what he had.  They had gotten them catalogs from the various companies as well.  That could only help them.

Dean looked at his phone.  It was back on so he could call in a few minutes.  Once it was charged enough to pull from the cord, he called his favorite uncle.  "You called Xander?"  He snickered.  "No, not a problem.  He stopped by to tell me that and to hand over the flier for a gun show that's coming up.  Not bad.  Of course you can.  We even have a pullout in the spare bedroom, Bobby.  No, Sammy's up looking at the college again.  He wants to finish his bachelors.  He's only got four classes left so it'll be fine to go after hours or something.

"No, we're in the same apartment, thankfully in separate rooms.  Xander helped us find a good roadtrip fund.  Plus some reparations," he admitted.  "Mostly baccarat though."  He listened to him.  "Sure, you can come have a vacation.  You know that.  See you then.  If I'm not at the house, call.  The store's only six blocks away.  See you in a few days then."  He hung up and went back over the stuff he'd want to carry once he could make his first order.  Being a shop owner was a lot different than he had thought.  Thankfully Steve was looking over their shoulders.

***

Xander looked at the younger trio later that afternoon.  "Okay, today we are going to the range.  We are going to the farm afterward.  It's not supposed to rain until tonight so we can get a short ride in.  Then we'll be coming back here.  I want you three to figure out what sort of gun you want to have for your own protection."  Draco opened his mouth.  "No, it is for your protection, Draco.  Some day you may need to use it to protect yourself or Ron or Harry.  That's why I'm teaching you that and sword work.  One of the two will get any demon that gets you or anyone else that tries to take you guys."

"Which is a good point but it's not exactly something I'm comfortable with," Draco admitted.

"No one said you have to carry it everywhere," Ron told him.  "Keep in practice, keep it clean, and make sure it's close enough in case you need it."  Xander nodded at that.  "Are we picking from your stuff?"

"No.  I'm taking you guys to Dean's shop so you can pick out something new.  That way you learn any quirks that the guns have.  Some have triggers that're very particular or a harder pull.  There's weight differences.  Caliber differences.  I will tell you that I'll expect you guys to practice with each other's guns.  That way you can use whatever you have on hand."  They all nodded at that.  "Good.  We'll go on Friday to do that.  For now, we'll hit the gun range with the case that I brought back with me last time we went."  They went to find shoes and head out to his gun range with him.  They got there and found it was apparently agent qualification day.  "Room for us?" he asked the supervising agent.

"Sure, boys.  Go down there."  He pointed.  "You have your licenses?"

"They're my guns, I'm teaching my students," Xander told him, pulling out his.  The agent nodded.  "Thank you."  He walked them down there,  opening the case to get the eye protectors and ear muffs out.  "Okay, guys.  Pick one.  Doesn't matter if it's the same as your last one."  They all picked up what they needed.  Ron and Harry were looking theirs over.  "Draco...."  He had moved closer to the firing shelf.  "Check it over first."  Draco looked his gun over, making sure it was clean and ready to use.  He had to put the clip in, giving him a sheepish grin.  "Good.  You can go first.  Remember, you want to hit the critical spots.  A wounding spot is nice but that's usually from someone who's a better shot."

Draco nodded, moving closer and taking aim.  He fired off his first one and flinched.  "I don't really like doing this."

"It could save your life some day.  The same as the sword work that makes you sweaty can," Ron reminded him once he had moved an ear protector.  He moved closer.  "Relax more, Draco.  No one's asking you to go as gun nut as Dean is.  Or even Xander is.  Do good enough to hit someone if they're breaking in to steal your blond arse."

Draco nodded, putting the covering back over his ear.  He took aim again and fired, hitting closer to the center of the target this time.  Xander patted him on the back so he finished up that clip.  He stepped out of the way once it had been reeled back so they could look at it closer.  "Not as bad as last time."

"It's not," Xander agreed.  "Some of that tension will ease as you get more comfortable.  Like you did with your wand after the first month."

"Good point."  He let Ron move up.  He pointed at the cleaning supplies, getting a head shake from Xander.  So he had an other round to do.  Ron did good.  Most of his hit the center circle or the head.  Harry did better but of course he had taken a lot of aiming lessons over the last few years.

They moved out of the way, letting Xander hit his.  Xander had the one he liked best from the house with him.  He put on a new target and sent it out there.  He took aim, head tilted slightly.  Then he fired off a quick burst of bullets.  All hitting the center of the target.  He changed clips quickly and did the head, then changed again and did all the limbs.  He put down his gun and reeled his target back in.  It was nearly falling apart.  Only one shot had hit a line of an arm.  The rest were inside the arm or the leg.  The head ones were about where the nose would be.  The heart ones were dead center.  The boys all clapped.  Xander grinned at them.

The supervising agent came over.  "Good job, kid," he said once Xander took his ear muffs off.  "You an officer maybe?"

"Boyfriend to two," he admitted with a grin.

"Huh.  So you stay in practice in case their job comes back to haunt them?"

"No, because people want to steal my cute ass.  Hi, Xander Harris," he offered with a grin, getting a horrified look.  "These are Harry, Ron, and Draco.  I'm teaching them how to shoot for their protection."

"Nice to meet you, boys.  Not too bad.  I've got agents who did about the same."  He looked at Xander again.  "I've heard you're pretty decent."

"I am."

"Marksman?"

"Nearly so.  I haven't done anything like a walk-through course in a while though.  I haven't done any of the sniper shooting skills in the last few weeks either."

"You routinely do that?" he asked.

"Just in case I need it, yeah.  It's come in handy in the past.  I fully do everything every six months.  I hit the practice range about once a week when I'm in Miami."

"Interesting.  Can I get you to shoot against some of my guys?"

"If you want, but I only brought theirs with me today."

"That's fine.  We're finishing up tomorrow.  How about we do sniper, walk-through, and target?"

"Speed or accuracy with a clip?"

"Can you do both?"

Xander nodded.  "I'm not the fastest anymore but yeah, I can do speed shooting.  Stan Kowalski made sure the last time he came with me.  He's very good too once he's got his glasses on."

"I'll remember that, kid.  Tomorrow, say about noon?"

Xander smiled.  "Sure, I can do that.  See you then."  He grinned at the boys.  "Do another round, clean them."  They moved to do that.  "Their second time doing this."

"They're not bad."  He walked off, still watching how their targets turned out.  The blond was clearly new.  The redhead wasn't bad.  He'd make qualifications.  The dark haired one was very good.  Interesting.  He had heard about the problems Harris had now and then.  All the local agents knew that things came for the boy now and then.  Plus about his poker habit.  They cleaned their guns then headed off somewhere in the one's obscenely oversized SUV.  He went to select his agents for the next day.  He wanted to see how good the boy truly was.  Maybe if he was that good, he could use him as a measuring stick for new agents.  Plus it might mean one less thing for Caine's lab to worry about.

***

Xander walked onto the range the next day with two hard side cases and one soft bag.  "Reporting as ordered," he quipped.

"All yours?" the supervising agent asked.

"My two favorite rifles.  My three favorite handguns.  That way I'm not using something too high powered for what the agents are.  Plus bullets, cleaning supplies, that stuff."

"Good."  He led him to where they were shooting.  "Guys, this is Mr. Harris.  We're evaluating his skills today.  Some of you are going to be shooting against him later on."  They all nodded at that.  "Let's start with the accuracy ones."  His best guys moved up.  Xander checked his weapons over, loading two and moving to let him check them over.  "That's a nice selection."

Xander grinned.  "I'm a bit paranoid about my own safety."

"I've heard."  He gave him a look.  Xander just grinned back.  "Use the lower caliber of the two."  Xander did that and came over to take his own spot.  He put on his protectors then nodded he was ready after checking his clip.  "Clip out, Harris."  He ejected it and put it down.  "Ready."  The guys shook out their hands.  Harris was staring at the target.  "Load and fire."  They slapped the clips in and fired ten accurate shots.  His boys were good.  Marksman good.  Harris was just as good.  "Huh."  He reeled it in to look over.  There wasn't much space between the shots, only a few flimsy slivers of paper.  "Good job, Harris."  He smiled and checked his gun over, ejecting the clip to refill it.  "Let's do a two clip speed round, guys."

"All chest and head, or chest, head, then limbs?" Xander asked.

"First clip chest and head.  Second wounding."  They all nodded.  It was an intelligent question.  The guys got ready and he sounded the go.  The boy was keeping up.  It was impressive.  Damn if he didn't have those problems he'd suggest the academy.

***

The supervising agent walked into Horatio's office later that afternoon.  "Got ten?"

"Anything to get away from the budget projections.  A problem, Agent Patricks?"

"No.  We ran into Harris at the gun range yesterday with his students.  I had him come back today so I could test my boys against him."  He sat down, opening his bag to pull out the marked targets.  Horatio calmly looked at each one, nodding some.  "He's very good."

"If he didn't have his problems, I'd gladly mentor him through college and the academy," he assured him, looking at him.  "I knew he was happy about going somewhere today.  Said it was a nice invitation.  I was hoping it wasn't another poker game."

"No, he showed up a few of my better shooters to be honest."  He stood up.  "Let his boys see that.  He should celebrate.  I have a former SWAT guy who tied him."  He walked out happier.

Horatio smiled, paging Danny and Don to his office with Mac.  They came in, Mac last since he had to come from the other lab.  He laid out the targets.  "Agent Patricks from the FBI had his people requalifying today.  He ran into Xander yesterday with the boys and invited him back today to shoot against some of his best."

Mac looked.  "He's very good."

"Patricks said he tied one of his guys who was former Rapid Response, Mac," Horatio said proudly.

"I need more practice," Don said with a grin.  "Sniper rifle was good.  It looks like he hit the same spot, just off millimeters."

Danny nodded.  "I'm not that good."

"I don't ask for perfect scores, Danny, but reasonably good ones," Horatio reminded him.  "I thought you'd like to praise your boy later tonight?  Then see if we can rearrange some of his security protocols based on this new information?"

"Definitely," Don agreed happily.  He looked at the printed sheet from the walk-through course.  "Definitely better than my last one.  I shot a civie."

Danny nodded.  "Me too."

Mac shrugged.  "I can't claim that fault but he tied my score in it."  He looked at Horatio.  "Have we talked to him yet?"

"No, I thought I'd let those two praise him tonight."  Mac smiled and nodded.  "Plus this means we have an objective idea of his skills in case they're needed to help him protect himself or the boys."

"Our boy deserves treats," Don decided.  Danny nodded.  "We'll pick some up on the way home."  He took them off to show off to Frank and Stan.  They'd be happy too.  Sam was in his desk chair.  "Problems?"

"Small one.  Stanford's being too nice and it's got me worried."

"Not your fault you had to leave, Sam."

"I know.  The new school's very happy though."  He looked at the pile of target sheets.  "Yours?"

"Xander's."  He put them out on the desk, letting him, Frank, and Stan look them over.

"He's damn good," Stan said with a grin.

"He's very good," Frank agreed.  "Slightly better than mine."  He looked at him.  "Why was he at the range?"

"He's teaching the three younger ones how to shoot," Sam told him.  "He was telling Dean last night that he ran into an agent who invited him back to shoot today."

"Patricks said he was proud," Don agreed with a grin.

"Good on the boy.  Have fun finding him a new treat," Frank said, going back to his desk.  "I've got to requalify soon too."

Sam grinned.  "We get in a lot of practice."  He stood up.  "Should I worry about Stanford being so nice?"

"Probably not, Sam.  That high up they want the good students to complete their studies so they can go onto better things."

"I guess.  Thanks, Don.  Oh, schedule for when I'm there."  He handed it over.  "Otherwise I'm probably at the store."

"Sure.  You've got the bus routes memorized?" Don asked.

"No, I'm still considering how to deal with that since it's across town."

"You can get a moped," Frank teased from his desk.  "Your brother might freak out and pick on you about it, but you could.  They're cheap, good on gas.  You can take them anywhere but on the highway.  Plenty of foreign students have one."

"Dean would *so* ride my butt about that," Sam complained.  "He'd say I couldn't park it next to the Impala, that it'd turn his poor girl nerdy."

"You can find a semi-decent used car for however long you're down here," Don offered.

"I might.  I need to talk to Dean about that.  Classes start in about a week."  He looked around then at Don.  "Should we show up to see Xander's cute present for doing so good?"

"Let him bring it in to show it off tomorrow," Don said with a grin.

"Sure, I can do that.  Thanks, guys."  He went back to the store, posting the copy of his schedule on the wall behind the register in there.  Dean glanced over it then at him.  "I dropped a copy off with Don too."

"That's a good security precaution.  Anything going on tonight?"

"Xander did really well shooting against some FBI agents.  They're going to reward him somehow later on.  Don said to let him show up to brag."

Dean grinned.  "I can do that.  Nothing else going on tonight?"

"Don wanted me to look at ways to get to class."

Dean stared at him.  "You're not taking my car, Sammy."

"I didn't figure I could.  Frank suggested a moped."

"I'd slash your tires as soon as you got one because I taught you to be cooler than that," Dean assured him.  "I wouldn't stand my wonderful teachings being warped that far toward geek."

"Not my favorite idea anyway," Sam said, looking around the store.  "No one right now?"

"We had someone earlier."  He sat down on the stool he had bought after his first day of standing all day.  "Any good ideas?"

"Some semi-decent, college student-looking car?  Something I can sell to another student if and when we end up leaving Miami?"

"That's an idea," Dean admitted.  "We do have two parking spots."  He stared at him.  "Going to trick it out as a hunter's ride?"

"Maybe some, but not totally.   I'm more likely to be taken than you are so I'd need something in it but not totally.  The Impala should be our ride for hunting."  Dean nodded, looking happier at that.  "I don't know.  I know the website has a classified section on it so I can look there for something local."

"That could help," he agreed.  "Xander said that's how he got his former Range Rover."

"I remember that story.  I'll try not to get something that's lilac."

"Thank you.  I'd have to help you repaint it.  Possibly with paintballs in the middle of the night if it's that ugly, but definitely have to help you repaint it."  Sam grinned, pulling his laptop out from under the register so he could log onto the GHS site to check the classifieds.  "A lavender Hummer," Dean said, looking over his shoulder.  "Horatio would freak."

"He probably would," he agreed.  "Too attention getting anyway."  He looked at the other things, finding a few that looked nice.  "Hey, a hybrid."  He let Dean see it.  It was medium green, had some chrome.  Was a bit sporty as a four door coupe.  "Not too yuppie but a bit sporty and fun looking."

"How would you plug it in?"

"Good point.  We don't have one down by the parking lot."  He went back to looking.  "One that runs on natural gas."

"There's only two stations around here," Dean said.  "Both on the other side of the city."

"Another good point."  He found the less uptight cars, finding a, "Paisley VW bug," he offered, letting Dean see the pictures that member had uploaded.  "It's in Atlanta."

Dean blinked at it then at him.  "Hippie?"

Sam looked at the name then at him.  "That blonde that you nearly drooled on last time.  Her son's car."

Dean grimaced.  "Paint job, Sammy.  Paint job."  He shifted on his stool.  "They're not *bad* cars.  They're cutesy but you're geeky so you could get away with it by going on the environmental thing I guess.  Don't expect me to ride in it."

Sam nodded.  "I wouldn't until it got painted anyway, Dean."  He went back to looking.  "By the prices, I can narrow it down to a used Cadillac STS-V, a Ford Shelby, or a Lincoln Town Car."  He looked at his big brother.  "All three look like they could use a little work but nothing too heavy.  One mentions a few scratches from a jealous ex.  One says it had some minor repair work after a slight accident.  The Shelby is covered in primer from a recent accident."

Dean leaned closer to look.  "Lincolns and Caddies are old guy cars, but those are nicer yuppie mobiles."

"Cadillac is into making SUV's too," he offered.

"If we need an SUV we can borrow one."  He looked at the pictures of the three of them.  "The Shelby's sporty but it could use a lot of work.  Painting it will take days."

Sam looked at him.  "We can teach Ron and Harry how to work on the cars.  All three could use paint."

"Nothing that needs less work?"

"Some things but they're more expensive.  I'm not spending myself broke."

"Good idea."  He considered it, taking the laptop to go through the other offerings.  "Nothing's really great outside the higher, roomier class of cars."

"Which we don't need.  But I do need something that'll get me back to class plus that we can teach the boys how to drive in."

"True, I don't want to teach them in the Impala.  You nearly ruined it learning how from Dad."  He considered it.  "Anything from outside the group?"

"I'm not sure I'd trust them, Dean."

"It's still going to be a used car, Sammy."  Sam sighed but opened a new window to look at some of the other used car sites.  He grimaced at most of the little, efficient cars Sam was looking at.  "That one doesn't even have a radio."

"I know."  He bypassed it and went on.  "I'm wondering if we undervalue our stuff that much.  I found a same year of the CTS and it's ten grand more on here."

Dean looked.  "Ugly, yuppie-mobile, Sammy."

"Technically it's a prelaw degree, Dean.  Plenty of us have yuppie cars.  It looks good on us."

"Disgusting.  It might turn my poor girl bland."

"I'd never let it get that close to the Impala, Dean."  He went back to the other ones.  "We have a  Honda S2000, which is a two-seater but the last one I saw I couldn't sit comfortably in.  The seat had to be all the way back.  That was an older model though so I'd have to try this one out."  He looked up at his brother.  "I like the Shelby.  It's got a decent sounding engine.  Good features already included.  No dents that you can see in the picture.  All it needs is paint and we can have someone do that if we need to."

"Write them about it.  Where is it?"

"Upstate."  He sent them an email about it.  Then he got onto the other shopping areas.  "There's a spoiling yourself stupid car place that caters to us.  They've got an ad for it in the shopping area."

Dean looked then at him.  "You don't need a stretch range rover, Sammy."

"I know that.  Besides, Xander got his at another place.  He went with a custom place."  He smirked.  "The one by the volleyball games?  There."  He went back to looking it over.  "Hmm, new clothing store that opened up that wants to cater to us but it's up in Orlando."  He kept going.  "A new jeweler is advertising."

"We have plenty of bling."

"I know that.  I was thinking in case we need to handle it the next time we're given some, Dean."  He straightened up as someone walked in the door.  "You made good time," he said with a grin.

"I flew.  I could only get a few days off.  My helper at the salvage yard is going back to school soon."

"Me too," Sam agreed.  "It's on the other side of the city."  He let him see the picture of the Shelby.  "What do you think?"

"Middle of the road engine.  Needs painted.  Recently wrecked?"

"Yup," Sam said.

Dean nodded.  "We'll use it to teach Harry and Ron how to work on cars.  What's up, Bobby?"

"A few of the more stubborn hunters still think that you're evil.  We can't convince 'em otherwise, boys."

Dean nodded at that.  "That's their thing and we know the local cops."

"How?" Bobby asked.

"Xander's dating two," Sam said with a grin.  Bobby smirked.  "Who're just like us.  In all manners.  Well, only one's GHS but otherwise."

Bobby shook his head.  "You two are going to go insane."  He looked around.  "This is nicely laid out, Dean."

"Thanks.  Xander got us the starting inventory."  He walked him around to let him look at stuff then showed him what they had in the back, getting a nod for that preparation.   "We're doing okay so far.  We give a nice discount to the local officers.  Xander put our flier up at the gun range we go to."

"Good of him.  Sounds like he's still fussing."

"He is but he's good at it," Dean promised, taking him back out front.  "Hey, Speed.  Horatio was in here the other night."

"He didn't pick me up new bullets," he admitted, waving the box.  "Hey, Tim Speedle," he introduced himself since Dean and Sam clearly knew this guy really well.  Dean was never this relaxed around anyone he didn't trust completely.

"Bobby Singer, I helped their daddy raise these two heathens."

Sam laughed.  "Plenty of times," he agreed.  "Tim's married to Horatio.  They're one of the family's mentors.  Horatio and Xander get to go suit shopping too often."

Speed nodded.  "Horatio needs to weed out his closet again too."  He paid for his bullets, looking at Bobby again.  "We'll be having a family cookout tomorrow night if you wanted to come.  I know the boys will be.  Otherwise Xander will pout."

"We'll make sure with Xander tomorrow," Dean promised.  Speed nodded.  "Have a good night."

"You guys too."  He looked at the picture Sam had up, grimacing.  "The wreck was a horrible one but she did good with the bodywork.  Unfortunately her boyfriend left her so she can't get the rest done without paying for it.  She said it's a bad reminder of the asshole who left her."

"I think we could paint it and use it to teach Harry and Ron something practical about cars.  Plus to teach them how to drive."

"That might work," he agreed.  "She'll be online later tonight.  She's got a midshift sort of job at a store."  They nodded so he left.  He was surprised Sam wasn't taunting Dean about the lilac hummer but you never knew with those two.

"I would've gotten the hummer but Dean would've freaked out," Sam offered with a grin.

"Hummers are tough cars," Bobby said.  Sam pulled up the picture.  "It's girly purple."

"With very soft leather interiors, custom mats, and a sound system that can blow rappers off the street."

Dean looked at Bobby.  "Yes, he's been warped by Xander's stretch Range Rover."  Bobby shook his head quickly.  "Seriously.  Has a limo back."  He grinned.  "Sammy, close up?"

"Sure, take him back to the place.  I'll be there once I close it down."  Dean nodded, taking him back to the apartment so they could talk and get Bobby settled.  Sam settled in for the last hour of watching the store.  It wasn't bad.  A few officers came in to look.  A few asked nosy questions about using Xander's contacts.  Which he denied being able to do.  It would be bad for business.  When he closed up, he took his laptop and the money drop for the bank with him.  It was only six blocks.  And Lord help any mugger that tried him really.

***

Xander looked up as the boys parked and got out, bouncing over to hug them both.  "My boys *so* spoiled me rotten for being so good on the range."  He dragged them inside to look at the presents his boys had gotten him.  Dean ran an appreciative hand over the leather carrying case for his guns and Sam smiled at the new video game with gun accessory.  They headed back out with him to carry food.  "Hi," he said, noticing the new guy.  "Boys?"

"This is Bobby.  He helped Dad raise us and taught Dad a lot about hunting," Sam said.  "Bobby, this is Xander.  He trained us in how to use a sword so well."

"Pleasure," he said, shaking his hand.  "I remember talking to you a few times."

Xander smiled.  "It's good that the boys still have friends among the hunters.  It'll make them safer for the most part."

"Some still think we're evil," Sam warned.

Xander snorted.  "So?  Willow thinks I am too."  He shrugged.  "Unlike most of the other hunters, she can do it from a distance."

"She a demon?" Bobby asked.

"Witch," Xander said dryly.  "I used to hunt in Sunnydale."  Bobby gave him the oddest look so he grinned back.  "Yes, it's been a while.  I'm happier now though."  He bounced off to the kitchen to get other stuff to eat.  "The others will be here within the next half an hour."

"Need help?" Sam called, heading that way.  He gave him a hug.  "He's a nice guy."

"I noticed the subtle looking at my hair thing," he said with a teasing grin.

"Bobby's from the Midwest.  Not too many guys have hair like yours," he teased back.  "Besides, you know you're an original."  Xander nodded, handing Sam a few dishes.  "Oooh, the mushroom one."  He carried it out.  Dean looked then at Xander when he came out with the deli chicken.  "Ryan and I like it, Dean."

"I remember.  You farted all night the last time you had it."

Xander kissed him on the cheek.  "You sleep in a separate room now, Dean."

"Good point.  His windows open so I don't have to be smothered with his stink."  He smirked at Xander.  "Feeling mushy?"

"I didn't have anything to do today."

"You didn't take the boys riding?"

"We did.  Pride's got a sore hoof.  He stepped on a rock wrong.  It's being babied so I had to take out Countess today.  She was not a happy warmare in training."

"Still spoiled?" Sam asked.

"Yup.  Unfortunately."  He looked around.  "I'm forgetting something."

"Drinks, other meat stuff?" Dean suggested.  "Dogs?"

"Couch.  Girls," he called.  They came bounding out, nearly knocking Dean over to get some attention.  "That's Hershey and Kiss," he said with a grin for Bobby.  "They've just completed obedience training at the lesser level so we can start sniffing training."  He went back inside to see if they were going to have anything else he might've forgotten outside of something to drink.

Horatio pulled in, seeing the new guy watching Dean play with a fond smile.  "Xander, Speed put our contribution in the back seat," he called.

"That's why I didn't cook more," Xander called, coming out to get it.  If it needed to be warmed up he could do that.  "That's Bobby, he helped raise and train the boys."

He smiled, holding out a hand.  "Horatio Caine.  Tim said he met you last night."

"He did," he agreed, shaking it.  One of the dogs bounced over to sniff him, giving him a stare until he petted her.  "You're a good girl.  Dean needs knocked on his butt more often."

"She knows Don and I brush her better than even Xander does.   He tried to use a curry comb on her the last time."  He got up off the ground, dusting himself off.  "Kiss," he said at the sulky puppy look he got.  "Get the ball!"  She ran inside with her littermate to get the ball, coming back with it.  He tossed it away from the food and the garage so they wouldn't get hurt.  They fetched and came back.  "So, Bobby, how's things out there?"

"Not bad.  Business is good.  Ellen sends her greetings.  Jo too."  Dean gave a small shrug at that.  "Otherwise, things are about the same as usual."

"That's cool I guess."  He threw the ball again, watching as they took off.  "Horatio, new back neighbor?"

"The guards told me someone had moved in but they were fairly nice."

Xander came back out of the house with Speed's dish unwrapped with a spoon in it.  "I don't have a problem with them.  They're a nice family.  Two younger kids.  He's a higher end lawyer that moved down from Chicago due to his wife's health.  I took over a basket of stuff from the trees."  He sat down.  "I did end up having words with the other new resident who lives up the street."  Horatio gave him a look so he smirked.  "The new telepreacher at the mega church moved in."

Sam shuddered.  "They go off on the gay thing?"

"They decided I was because of my hair, without knowing who I was.  I pointed out if they could live here, clearly all those donations to their church weren't going to the programs they begged people to fund.  The preacher sneered.  I sneered back.  He stomped off muttering about gay people and then had a very nice sermon about how we should all be shown the error of our ways forcefully on his next broadcast.  One of the online gay groups started to lambaste him for it so I pointed out he decided I was because I had long hair, without hearing whether or not I was.  Also that he moved into a multi-million dollar home that he had just renovated for over a month.  So someone's decrying that too."

"He could've been a rich boy," Dean offered.  "Robertson or one of them was the son of a diplomat."

"I was wondering why the IRS sent me a letter saying that they were going to be near you but not bothering you about something," Horatio admitted.  Bobby gaped at him.  "Xander's had some issues with the IRS in the past."

"Willow did a spell to take my social security number out of the system," Xander said with an evil smirk.

"Why didn't someone deal with her then?" Dean asked.  He gave him a pointed look.  "Bad witches get hunted all the time, Xander."

"She claimed she was atoning for trying to hack my bank accounts to steal all my money, putting cameras up around my house to record the living porn so she could make a tape, and escorting Buffy down here when she blew up my car and tried to blow up Danny's car.  She thought I had done something evil to be me," he said with a fond smirk at his student.

Dean snorted.  "No, I doubt you asked for your hormones to spike.  If you had, I doubt you would've asked for them to spike as high as you go."  Xander shook his head.  "Still, that's not atoning."

"No.  Which is why it's better if we don't see anyone in Sunnydale except for Oz."

"I had wondered why we ignored the whole slayer crew after the invasion in LA," Sam admitted.  "You were kinda chilly to them from what we saw."

Xander shrugged.  "I can't forgive that one more than I have.  I won't forgive it more than I have.  I'm certainly not going to forget about it."  Draco stuck his head out.  "We're doing the family dinner tonight, boys."

"Ron's stomach was wondering why there wasn't any food," he said blandly.  He came out, the dogs bouncing over to pounce him.  "Yes, hello, beasts.  You're still drooling today I see."  He petted them both but wiped the drool off on his pants.  The older boys all grinned at him for that.  "They do drool a lot."

"So do toddlers," Sam told him.

"I don't have any of those either," Draco reminded him.  "Probably won't, so that's a very good thing."  He sat down, nodding politely at the one he didn't know.  "A new student?"

Dean burst out cackling.  "I can't see Bobby dealing with the GHS stuff," he snickered.  "No, he's a hunter like Sammy and me, he helped Dad raise us," he admitted once he had calmed down.

"I can't see me doing that sword stuff you boys do either," Bobby said.  "Bobby Singer."

"Draco Malfoy," he said with a small wave.  Bobby gave him an odd look.

Xander looked at him.  "The demons wanted Harry really badly.  One canceled a kitten poker debt to tell me about him."

"That's.... odd."

"Things like that happen around him," Sam and Draco said in unison, then Sam stuck his tongue out.

"Not mine," Draco sighed.  "I'm stuck with the uptight twins."  He looked in the house then at them.  "Do you think Steve would let me have his couch for a bit?  Before I smite them again?"

"You haven't managed it yet," Ron called from the house.  He yelped as Draco's spell hit him.  "Still not smiting, even if it did hurt."

"Draco," Xander sighed.

"They are my enemies," he pointed out.

"They're your father's enemies.  You made them yours by being a little shit in school," Xander corrected, staring him down.  "Though yeah, we all have our annoying moments.  Dean told me I had plenty until they got used to who I am."

Dean nodded.  "His bouncy nature can get very annoying when you haven't had any sleep. Especially during kidnapings."

"I realized earlier we haven't been kidnaped in weeks," Sam told his big brother.

"We haven't," he agreed, looking concerned.  "Should we celebrate?"

"I only celebrate when it's been a month," Xander told them.  Draco gave him the oddest look.  So did Bobby.  "What?  I've only reached that goal twice now."

Draco looked at Dean.  "Should I ever turn into a level ten, shoot me to put me out of my future misery?  I know you'd make it quick and painless."

"Sure, I can do that for you, Draco."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "Until then, take it like a gay man."

"No, they're still undecided about that," he said grimly.

Xander shook his head.  "You three need to get it together or figure out if you're together."

"You could send them off for a weekend," Sam suggested.

"I can't.  They're not ready yet.  They can't do a lot of the normal people things so they'd get odd looks.   Ron still nearly yells into the phone.  Draco wants house elves to suddenly appear.  The only place I could send them is Jace's and I'm not sure they could handle Vegas."

"Vegas?" Draco asked.

"Las Vegas, out in the desert, gambling and showgirl mecca of the US?" Dean told him.  Draco still looked confused.  "I'll show you on the travel channel later."  He looked at Xander.  "Jace might be able to watch over them for a weekend away at a spa.  Not like she's not used to strange stuff.  Harry was out there for the convention too."

"True.  I'll call and ask her.  Would you like that, Draco?"

"We wouldn't mind," he admitted.  "I could get Weasley used to the idea that pampering us is a good thing."  He grinned.  Steve pulled in so he went to talk to him.  "Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome."  He looked up.  "Do we like that idea?"

Strife appeared, staring at him. "It's not a bad one.  They should be fine with that."  He looked at his priest, then smirked.  "If they start to bother you, act like their book says before you end up in a war of words with the narrow minded twit, Xander."  Xander grimaced.  "It'll get down to you blackmailing him to leave Don's family alone.  That's after restraining orders, people trying to sneak onto your grounds, all that good stuff.  You don't need the stress.  The vision gave Ares a migraine."

"I'm sorry I'm giving him headaches again, Strife."

"I know.  So does he.  I'm fairly certain they're going to be leaving you alone anyway."

"He did try to start shit."

"He's gonna be sorry because he's sleeping with his trannie sister," he said dryly.  Dean shuddered.  "Exactly.  So just try to stay out of it.  They won't come near the family."

"He had his wife follow Danny to work today."

"I heard.  Try to stay out of it."

"As long as they do too.  I won't let them hurt or expose the family."

Strife leaned down.  "It'll expose 'em more if you don't," he said firmly.

"Yes, sir."

"I'll send someone ta deal with the schmucks.  Just stay out of it as much as you can.  Shoot back if they start things like the anti-gay thing.  Ignore it if the poker buddies say stuff.  He's a bigot."

"They say the anti-christ is supposed to be a fake preacher," Xander said dryly.

"He may fit," he agreed.  "Let us handle it without you blackmailing anyone."

"Yes, Strife.  So I can play poker again?"

"Go ahead.  Remember to bring Sam so Andrea can hit on him next time."  Sam nodded at that.  "Leave the little gun dealers who annoy you alone too."

"Oops?" he said with a wince and a sheepish look.

Strife read his mind then burst out cackling.  "That's not bad, Xan.  Don't do it to the pseudo-preacher."  He disappeared.

"Sorry, Strife wanted me to behave," he said with a grin.

"That's unusual for his usual wants," Dean told him.

"Horatio made him quit wanting me to go downtown and dance."  He grinned sweetly.  "Tomorrow, Sam, or the game after next?  I think that's the day you start school."

"I can hit the game with you tomorrow.  Dean and Bobby can hang those hours."  He looked at Bobby, who nodded, still drinking some of his water so he couldn't say anything.  "Xander is one of Strife's high priests.  All guys like him are vowed to Cupid and Strife.  Fortunately Ryan Wolfe is one of Ares' chosen warriors so it's helpful."

"I did take lessons at the same temple," Xander said dryly.

Strife reappeared.  "Never mind, he upped it.  Try to be nice.  Try to be good since he's got kids.  Try not to get the media on your front lawn."

Xander gave him a smug look.  "Okay."  He pulled him down to whisper in his ear, getting a moan.  "Good, bad?"

"Ooooh, so decent."  He disappeared to tell Ares.

"Let me go check on what he did this time."  He got up to find his laptop, bringing it outside.  "Thankfully we extended the wireless router out here."  He logged onto the site and laughed.  "Aww, I supposedly hurt and corrupted his daughter when she wrecked her bike outside my gate and I called an ambulance.  With the guards standing there."  He wrote back a message saying what had happened, that the guards for the community had been there with him while he had put a bandage over the broken leg she had gotten from wrecking her bike, and that he'd never touch kids.  He didn't do things like that.  Then he sent it to him and the local gay group that was protesting him.  He got back one fairly quickly.

Horatio looked over at him.  "Be nicer, Xander."

Xander stared at him.  "He accused me of touching his kid when I was offering help before the ambulance got here, Horatio.  Hell no!"  He found the pictures he had snuck around to take earlier, sending them to the same gay group.  "Besides, if he didn't want people to know he was sleeping with his trannie sister in his back yard he should probably put up a privacy fence."  He smiled sweetly.  "Because I didn't need to see that when I was taking my dogs for a walk."

"That would warp the dogs," Dean agreed.  "Try to be nice, Xander."

"I am.  Be damned if I want him to look over the shoulder of charities that help kids though.  Someone good, even someone who was as fundamentalist as him, whatever.  Just not him."  He looked over as Steve and Draco came back.  "I'm making a charitable donation tomorrow."

"That's fine.  How much should I expect?"

"About three mil?  You think that'd be enough?"

"Probably with the present scandal once it got started," Sam offered.

"It depends on the charity and how much they usually bring in," Steve corrected.  He sat down.  "Why?"

"Fundie preacher up the street tried to start shit.  Said I hurt his kid when I was holding her leg closed earlier before the ambulance got here.  Not like the guards could find her parents to come do it for her."

"That won't be allowed to go on," Steve agreed.  "So we're doing what?  Going to the charity, making a donation as long as they remove him from the board?"  Xander nodded.  "Not a bad idea.  Do we have any hardcore evidence against him?"  Xander showed him the pictures.  "She's not even pretty."  He copied them into a zip file and sent them to someone he knew in Cascade.  "I know a trust fund manager that works with a few of the more fundamentalist churches in the Northwest.  I advised him that this one was doing things the wrong way and trying to make accusations that weren't true but they should hear about this little picture problem he has before it hits the press."

Xander nodded.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He smiled.  "Any other good news?"

"Not yet.  Horatio, are they late?"

"Traffic was horrible," Horatio admitted.  He called Alexx's phone.  "Where is everyone?  That's fine."  He hung up.  "There's a protest outside the gates against that preacher for him trying to declare that gay people should be forcefully corrected.  They're getting them out of the way of cars but it's still blocking traffic."

Steve nodded.  "They were starting to gather when I got here."  One of the guards' cars drove in and parked behind his.  "Gentlemen, I know you've seen what he said this time."

"Our boss got the full report and the tape from us, Mr. Ellison.  He's released it to the press and said that the guy was smoking something funny.  Mr. Harris, the gay people need to go."

"I did not call them down on him.  His sermon did that."  He looked at him.  "I can go pout at them if you want but I'm not part of the group."

"Please.  They're trying to say we discriminate against gay people.   You're the most openly gay person in the community so maybe they'll listen to you?"

Xander nodded, going out with him.  He walked out of the gate, staring at the protesters.  "Guys, you're blocking my boyfriends from showing up for a family dinner," he called.  They stared at him.  "There's a few gay families here.  Unfortunately he saw my hair and decided I was gay without knowing whether or not I was.  I shot back about him clearly not donating all that money he got from his church to his charities."  They all grumbled.  "But I also know that the local Lambda Defense group just got some pictures.  Because the guy *really* needs a privacy fence.

"Now, you're blocking people from getting home.  We're a nice, quiet community usually, people.  So can you maybe get out of the way of the cars so I can have my boys back?"  They got out of the way, a few smiling.  "Thank you, guys.  Protest them all you want but we've got a bunch of older, uptight people as neighbors.  They will throw fits and call the cops.  Picket his church instead.  Or his office.  Or even the motel he commonly takes Ms. Perkins to."  He smiled sweetly and headed back to his picnic with his family.  Most of them had already gotten there.

The head guard came out.  "Unless you stay on the sidewalk and out of the way of traffic, the judge who lives here has already told the local station to arrest you," he announced.  "We guards have no say who lives here.  Neither do the other residents.  So please quit annoying them.  Do the one, not the whole community please."  They made sure they stayed on the sidewalk.  "Thank you."  He saw a cop car coming and frowned, standing in the way.  "They've agreed to be peaceful and stay out of traffic."

"I'm not here for them.  We had a call saying someone got pushed down a flight of stairs," he said quietly.

"Which house?"

"Greenson?"

"Go ahead.  They've got an elderly woman living with them, Officer."  He got out of his way.  "Thank you for your cooperation."

"What was he doing that whoever that was saw?" someone yelled.

"No clue.  He was walking his dogs from what he told me.  I have no idea.  All I know is he shuddered a lot."  The people who worked at Lambda called in to see if they could tell what had been sent.

One of them walked over.  "Who was that?"

"Mr. Harris.  He's dating two officers so he doesn't want to cause them any problems at work."

"That's reasonable.  We know the PD can be a bit repressive."  She went back to her post.  "That was Mr. Harris.  He's out but his boyfriends may not be."  They all nodded at that.  "They're officers."

"Now we know who to go to if we have problems," one quipped.  She listened to the person on the other end of her cellphone.  "Tell me you're kidding?"  She smirked evilly.  "Please do.  Can we identify them from the picture?"  She cackled.  "YES!" she shouted.  Everyone stared at her.  "Thank you, Stevie."  She hung up.  "He's doing a trannie on his back porch.  Stevie said that he knows her from somewhere.  They're trying to figure out who."

A few laughed.  Yeah, he was going to have some problems now.  An ambulance came screaming their way so they made sure they were out of the way.  That didn't look good.

The guard stepped into his gate shack, calling the pair he had patrolling.  "Greensons?"

"No, sir.  The idiot."

"Ooooh.  Why?"

"No clue, sir."  He hung up.

Another one came more slowly, with the ME's van.  The guards winced but that was fine.  He stepped out.  "Someone fell down some stairs from what I was told, people.  Relax."  They all nodded at that.  "If her family wants you to know, they'll tell you."

"So, is Mr. Harris nice?" one asked him.

"Very.  He's very nice to us.  He spoils his boys' station with lunch frequently.  He has a lot of the lab over for dinners or video game nights.  He's got a few students he's working on self defense skills with.  He's a very nice young man.  A bit hyper and bouncy like his dogs but fairly nice.  He doesn't mind when we pick lunch off his trees."  They all smiled at that.  "Mr. Harris was the same one that had the problem with the judge and the neighbor's tree."

Most of them laughed.  They had seen those ads during the election.  The ambulance left with lights and sirens.  The ME's van left a few minutes later.  The protest slowly calmed down.  They'd get better exposure and more help doing his office.

***

Horatio came back the next day, looking at Xander over the top of his sunglasses.  "Xander," he said, making him look up from his reading in the sun.  "That was mean."

"It's not my fault he's doing that."

"Not that.  Telling them to protest at the motel he takes her to.  They didn't like that."

"Not my fault they're sleazy."

"True."  He settled in beside him.  "They still had to have them removed.  The local news stations are decrying him and are going to make his life miserable."

"Good."

He patted him on the back.  "It'll be all right, Xander."

Xander grinned at him.  "Of course it will be.  Because if he pisses me off again I get to be meaner, right?"

"If you must.  Try to be subtle."

"I donated five mil to charity today.  It's a good charity that I'd support anyway.  I have in the past.  I did say I'd continue as long as they removed that disgusting man from their board.  They readily agreed."  He smiled.  "So we got it from Steve earlier today."

"Very good of you."  He patted him on the head.  "Weren't you going to play poker today?  You're missing your usual game at Fu's."

"I'm not due in for another hour."  He looked at Horatio's watch.  "Oops.  Mine's dead."  He got up, heading inside to wipe off the oil and get dressed.  "Thanks, Horatio."

"Welcome, Xander."  He went back to the lab, finding his boss waiting on him.  "I went to remind Xander to be more subtle, sir."

"Figured the guy saw him and got up in arms.  The anti-gay union of officers wants him to quit bringing lunch too."

"Sir, if they're that opposed to him spoiling the officers with lunches now and then, they don't have to eat."

"I pointed that out.  They're pouting."

"They seem to do that a lot when they don't get their way."

"I had noticed that.  Anything else going on?"

"Why would there be?"

"He's playing poker again, Caine."

"Yes he is, but it's good for him to get out of the house.  He's introducing some of his students around today actually."  His boss moaned, shaking his head.  "They haven't had any overtime recently but it's still boring doing nothing all day, sir."

"I know that.  I've been on sick leave myself.  Drove myself nuts.  He needs more hobbies, Horatio."

"Sir, we don't need more hummer cozies."

He blinked a few times.  "What?"  Horatio found the picture and let him see it.  "He..."

"Crocheted it, yes, sir.  Presented me with one.  Speed and Don both have ones for their motorcycles."

He walked off shaking his head, going to the homicide desks.  "Flack, find your boy some more manly hobbies."

Don looked at him, grinning slightly.  "You don't like the crocheting, sir?"

"No.  It gave me a picture I didn't need."  He gave him a dirty look.

Don smirked.  "He does do some leather work now and then.  Gave Speed a silk-lined leather thong that matched his bike."

"That's another mental image I didn't need, Flack.  Try woodworking maybe?"

"He does when he's down off his hormones."

"Good!"  He walked off rubbing his head.  That boy clearly drove his boyfriends nuts.

Don shrugged at the odd looks his buddies gave him.  "No clue what started that one."

"He probably saw the hummer cozy," Frank said dryly.

"Could be," Stan agreed.  "I know my boy gets a headache when he sees it too."  They all smirked at that.  It was fun watching Methos walk off swearing in ancient, dead languages whenever he heard or caught Xander crocheting.

***

Xander strolled in with Sam.  "My watch is broken," he said at Fu's look.  "This is Sam.  One of my students.  Andrea wanted introduced."

"She's back there, but the game's nearly done."

Xander gave him an odd look.  "There's always other games, Fu."  He walked Sam back there.  "Andrea, this is Sam.  Yes, my watch stopped or I'd have been here earlier.  Horatio had to remind me."  He sat down with a grin.  Sam sat beside him.

Andrea smiled at Sam.  "You're adorable."

He grinned.  "Thank you.  I will tell you that I don't do more than flirt for the first few times I meet you.  Xander warned me you were dangerous to men's hearts."

"Only the ones I stop, Sam.  I can live with that rule though."

Xander looked at her.  "He's lost a girlfriend in the last few years, Andrea.  Be nice to my buddy."

"I will, Xander.  You know that."

"Good."  He smiled.  "So, how late am I?"

"Last hand was called thirty ago," the dealer admitted.  "The guys who do the next game aren't in yet."

"I can go to the one by the docks."

"No, you probably shouldn't," Andrea said.  "The two crappy gun dealers are down there, Xander.  We hate it when you have to restrain yourself from destroying them for trying to bully you."  She looked at him.  "That preacher?"

"Decided I was gay because of my hair.  I was even wearing clothes."

They all snorted.  "The thing with his kid?" one asked.  "I saw the tape."

"She wrecked her bike outside my gate.  The guards know I'm a pretty decent field medic so they called while we waited on the ambulance or her parents."  He shrugged.  "I was being a good boy.  He's the pervert."

"We saw," Andrea assured him.  "Oh did we see."

"So did I unfortunately."  She grimaced.  "I was walking the dogs."

"Poor dogs," she agreed.  Sam laughed lightly at that.  "I like Hershey and Kiss.  Kiss thinks I'm a great lap.  Hershey likes the taste of my foundation apparently.  They're nice dogs."  She put down her cards, folding her hand.  The others finished up and left once they cashed out.  "So, Sam, need him as a chaperone or can we go for coffee maybe?"

"I can do coffee, but you've got to let me buy."

"I can do that.  Did you drive down with him?"

"We're looking at getting me a car.  I've been traveling with my brother for the last year and a bit so I don't have my own."

"There's a few very nice car lots in the city.  I'll show you some I like."  She stood up and he took her arm, walking her off.  "I'll be nice to him, Xander.  I promise."

"Good because I taught him how to kick ass better than he was before."  He looked at the dealer.  "Anything other than the docks?  She's right, I'd have to restrain myself from making them miserable today."

"Horet's down there."

Xander gave him an evil smirk, getting up to get into his local stash so he could head that way.  It wasn't that long of a drive.  He walked into the right store, getting waved back to the back room.  "Thanks, dude."  He walked in and they all groaned.  "I let my buddy Sam go with Andrea.  I'm bored and there's no one new to destroy today."  He sat down and handed the dealer some of the bills, getting chips for it.  "My watch broke so I didn't make it to Fu's for my usual gas money game."

"They were probably thankful that they walked away with some money," one of the guys said grimly.  "I was hoping to, Xander."

Xander grinned.  "I'll try to be nice to you today, dear."  He blew a kiss.  "Okay?"

"Good enough.  My wife's birthday's tonight."

"Maybe you should go present shop now then," he suggested with a smile.

"Can't.  Need another grand to get the present I want to get her.  She deserves something special."

Xander looked at the dealer.  "He owes you three hundred, Harris."

Xander nodded.  "Fine, he can pay me back for that."  The guy beamed so he handed over the cash.  "There, go.  That way she doesn't pout at me."  He rushed off.  "See, I can be nice and sweet," he said at the smirks the other guys were giving him.

"I still say you're too gay to use artillery," one told him.

Xander pulled out his wallet, handing over two pictures he had found online.  "There's me at the invasion in LA.  See, artillery.  I helped bring down the building."  He put down the other one.  "From home."  He smirked at him.  "When we had to defeat the thing attacking my graduating class.  I led the battle."

The guy stared at him.  "Who in the hell were you?" he demanded quietly.

"Xander Harris."  He smirked.  "The hair throws people."  He folded and backed away from him. "Now I'm happy to only hunt when things come after me.  I have this nasty habit of destroying people who want to own me.  Otherwise I'm a nice, fluffy, spoiling, boyfriend sort.  Just ask mine."

"Yours are cops."

"Yeah, they are.  They get to hear it when people piss me off too."  He smiled sweetly, leaning on the table.  "I don't tell them anything that I overhear unless it's really critical, like the guy who gave me the dirty bombs he was constructing, or it's someone that annoyed me to no end.  Unless it's like the last time they were working too much overtime and I didn't get sex for weeks.  Then I have to identify people sometimes."  He stared him down for a moment.  "You're perfectly safe.  You have nothing I could want even if Horatio did bust the guys I buy weapons from.  You're pretty well beneath most notice really.  Though, send Don a nice card because the last time you pissed me off he kept me from bringing artillery to your house."

"Yeah, I'll do that," he agreed quickly.  "I won't pick on you anymore, Harris.  I've heard of you."

"Awww, that gives me the warm fuzzies.  Now, can we play?  I'm too tired to cook dinner tonight so I need money to order on."

They groaned but nodded, letting the dealer do his job.

***

Don got a nice card at his desk about two hours later.  He opened it, looking at the note inside, bursting out laughing.  "One of the bullies that's been picking on Xander thanked me for calming him down when he wanted to destroy him.  He understands better now.  He won't pick on him anymore."

"That's probably wise," Stan agreed from his desk.  "Is he one of the guys the ATF found for not selling to him?"

"Possibly," Don said.  He put it on his desk, then got back to work.  It was odd but the guy had been scared by Xander so it was all better now he guessed.  This would be one of the stories the others would giggle over for weeks.

***

Xander pulled the three younger guys into the kitchen, kicking the door shut to the other house.  "Yes, you all have to learn how to cook," he ordered.  "You won't always be living with me so you'll starve unless Draco finds a house elf or three."

"I'll see if I can import two or three later this week," Draco said smugly.

"With your luck they'll want his hair and stare at him or clean the ferret cage for him," Harry joked back.  "I already know how to cook some, Xander.  You added to what I already knew during my training time."

"I know I did."

"Ron probably learned from his mum," Harry offered.

"My mother wouldn't let us in the kitchen," Ron said sadly.  "I have no idea how to do this stuff.  Especially without my wand."

"Wands are a tool and a weapon," Xander said patiently.  "If you're relying on it for everything then you're going to end up too weak to do anything."  He put them in front of the counter.  "Vegetables.  Peel them using the scrapers.  Then we'll work on cutting them up for soup."

"Are we making the station lunch?" Harry asked, looking at how big the piles were.

"Yup, sure are," he agreed cheerfully.  They all groaned but got to work doing what he had ordered.  He taught them how to make the very nice vegetable soup they all liked to eat.

"Did Dean and Sam get this lesson too?" Draco asked.

"They can both kind of cook.  Sam's taking further lessons from me," Xander said, working on the meat for the stew he was making as well.  He called Horatio's cellphone.  "It's me.  Is anyone going to complain if I bring stew and soup later on?"  He beamed.  "That leaves more for the guys who aren't prejudice, Horatio.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "A few guys won't want to eat it because they don't like me being gay.  Pity but more for everyone else."  He got back to work, adding water to the huge pots.

"Tell me this is all we'll have to do?" Ron begged after his fifth onion to be chopped.

"Potatoes," Xander admitted.  "Herbs but that's a lot less.  You guys can work on the potatoes out back if you want.  It'll take more than a few minutes."  Harry nodded at that.  "Let this stuff cook first."

They all nodded, finishing up as quickly as they could.  They took the bag, their rinsed off peelers, and a bowl each for scraps outside to peel them out there. The finished ones went into the bowl of ice water Xander brought out.  They knew they'd get to help carry later on too.  Maybe even dishes.  Ron leaned closer to his cohorts.  "Did we piss him off?" he hissed.

"I think he's giving us more practical lessons," Draco said grimly.  "I'll see about house elves the next time I can get to the bank."  Harry nodded once, going back to it.  "You're not doing too badly, Potter."

"I've done this stuff before," he reminded him.  "Not in this quantity, but I've done it before."  He finished up his current one and got another one to peel.  One of the community's guards pulled in and parked.  "He's making soups."

"That's fine."  He smiled.  "You guys bored and helping?  Good job."  He walked inside.  "Mr. Harris?"  Xander looked over from measuring salt and pepper.  He put a package down.  "I have no idea what it was.  It was delivered at the gate house in care of your protector."

"That's Don."  He moved over to look at it, frowning at the writing.  "I know that writing."  He looked it over, testing it magically, then opened a flap to look inside.  He sighed in disgust.  "I'll bring it to Don later.  Thank you."

"Welcome, Mr. Harris.  Thank you for helping defeat the ungodly one."  He left, giving the boys a smile for being so helpful.  It was good to see young guys able to do things beyond pout, sulk, and cause problems.  Xander was doing good with them so they wouldn't catch Spoiled Miami Brat syndrome.

They got back to the potatoes.  There were a lot of them in a ten pound bag.

***

Xander got out of the SUV at the station, finding a few frowning people.  "I don't care if some people don't like that I'm gay and I can cook.  They don't have to eat.  It doesn't mean I won't spoil the lab anyway, guys."

"None of us?" one of the patrol guys asked.

Xander grinned.  "Help me carry and you can have it first."  They smiled, coming over to get the huge pots with the younger boys' help.  Xander carried up the package, handing it to Don.  "From Connor.  I didn't want to deal with it.  He sent it to the gatehouse in care of my protector."  He walked into the break room, stirring things.  "Should still be very warm.  I had them at the boiling hot stage before I drove it over.  Are we out of bowls?"

"No, sir," one said.  He brought them down.  "Usually the lab gets first pick."

He smiled.  "No, today the lab is getting chinese if they want it."  He patted one of his favorites on the shoulder.  "You guys get real, good, healthy food that'll keep you from going hungry on patrol.  Plus give you energy if you have to chase someone."  He walked off with the boys in tow.  The lab's receptionist was very happy to see him.  He handed over the gift certificate bundle.  "For them.  I made the patrol guys soup and stew so they'd have energy to chase people down."

"That was nice of you, Xander.  I'll give it to Horatio as soon as I see him."

"I thought he was in the office."

"He might be but I think he went outside a minute ago."

"Sure."  He called Ryan.  "I left the gift certificate with the receptionist for whenever Horatio comes back.  Have fun and don't let anyone steal the patrol guys' soup this time."  He hung up.  "Ryan was the one begging for chinese.  This way he can find something new he wants me to learn how to cook."  He beamed.  "I'm off to learn to cook more from Fu if anyone asks."  He walked off with the boys, dropping them at the coven's store then heading to Fu's.  He walked into the kitchen and sat down on a stool in the corner, watching the cook.  Fu and Wyatt both gave him a strange look.  "I have no idea how to cook chinese food but we all like it.  I should learn how from someone who we know can cook good."

"You're strange, Harris," Fu complained, walking off.  "Poker game in an hour."

"Remind me and I'll go play then.  If anyone asks, the younger three are at the coven's shop."

Wyatt walked off shaking his head.  Xander was a bit odd now and then.

The cook motioned him closer.  "I know you can cook."

"I can cook pretty well," he said proudly.  "I have no idea how to use a wok though."

"We can teach you, Xander."  He showed him how to make the various dishes, making him a happy boy.  Who would go bankrupt more criminals later.

Xander walked in and found Dean in his usual spot.  "Store not open today?"

"Sammy's there."  He shifted over to let Xander sit down.  "Where were you?"

"Kitchen.  I wanted to learn how to cook chinese food."

Dean nodded.  "We'd appreciate the hell out of you teaching Sammy how to do that too."  The dealer moaned, shaking his head.  "We would.  He's teaching Sammy how to cook.  That's why we had grape and blueberry cupcakes for breakfast."

Xander grinned.  "It was supposed to be for dinner last night."

"We did cleaning and inventory last night.  We made it home in time to collapse."  He put down money, getting it counted and chips handed to him.  "Thank you.  Regular Vegas poker?"  The dealer nodded.  "No funny rules or wild cards?"

"Not unless it's called before the hand," he told him.

"Good.  Sammy said they used to play all sorts of wildcards at the games he got into at school."  He grimaced at Xander.  "He's going out with Andrea again tonight."

"She's a nice lady if you can look past her job, Dean."

"If you say so but the first time she hurts my baby brother, I get to make her miserable before I hand her to your boy."  He put in for the first pot.  Xander put in too.  Then he promptly folded.  "Bad?"  He checked his cards and grimaced.  "Very bad."  He folded too.  No way even Hermes himself could make that hand of his win with Luck sitting on his lap.  The second one wasn't much better.

Xander stared at the dealer.  "Did you owe me too much money?"

"The other guys wanted some of theirs back, Harris," he quipped back with a smile.  "You know very well I don't stack the deck."

"Yeah, I know you're not supposed to."  He grimaced, noticing everyone else was watching his next deal.  And he caught the same sign that Dean and one other guy did.  "Cute, really," he said dryly, making the man stop his deal to stare at him.  "Very cute."

"What... what are you talking about, Harris?"

"You stacked it when you shuffled it then you just skipped a card," Dean told him.  The other guy nodded.  He looked at Xander.  "You said they were more honest."

"He usually is."  He grinned sweetly.  "Maybe you should have a day off?  You seem stressed."

"I..."  He put down the cards as he swallowed.  He knew lying would get him dead right about now.  And no one would flinch at it happening right where he sat.  "I have to.  They have my son.  They're blackmailing me, Harris."

"Who?" Dean asked.

The other guy leaned closer.  "It's those stupid Russians, isn't it?"

"No," Xander said, shaking his head.  "They don't tend to congregate in Miami.  A few in Orlando from what I've heard but not Miami."  He looked at him again.  "Who?"

"Paulie's boys.  They want to bring you and others down so they can take over easier."

"It hasn't occurred to them that I'm not in the underworld?" Xander asked.

"No.  Or maybe they don't care.  All I know is that right now my boy's all right.  If I don't do this then he's not."

"How much were you supposed to bring them?" Dean asked.

"A tape and at least twenty percent of whatever you guys carried in.  I was going to take the first few hands and then the last few."

Xander grimaced.  "Tape is where?"

"Not started yet."  Fu walked in, looking disappointed.  "It's my son, Fu.  My only son."

Xander looked at Dean, who shook his head.  "I know."  He looked at Fu.  "I'm doing strange shit in the back room."  He got up and went in there, Dean following him.  "I can scry.  I taught Harry."

"Sure, but you still need guarded or else you'll portal through and kill their asses.  That should be joint fun, Xander."  Xander grinned because he had read him so well.  They filled a sink and he let Xander cast the spell, grimacing at what they could see.  "Is he alive?"

"Barely.  Go get his dad."

He went to find him, taking him from Fu's grip.  "C'mon, Xander's scrying."  He led him back there so he could see, watching him turn away.  "Yours, not yours?  Some other guy they've got the son of?"

"Mine," he said weakly.

Xander canceled it.  "I know where they are."

"You're not one of us," Fu reminded him.

Xander stared at him.  "Did it escape you that I was at the invasion in LA too?  Firing and in the group defending?  I'm known as a white knight for a reason, Fu."  He looked at Dean, handing him the keys to his locker in the back.  "Get my gear bag, take six bundles of cash out of one of the others."  He nodded, going to do that.  "Get him to one of mine.  Adam's probably a good choice this time since he does play now and then.  Plus he's not directly an officer."

Fu nodded.  "Are you sure?  It could get the kid hurt."

"He's already injured, Fu.  Waiting is not going to help him any."  He walked out, taking the stuff from Dean as they walked out together.  "Did you drive?"

"Of course."  He saw the corvette.  "No way in hell."

"Fine.  I'll pick it up later," he called into the restaurant.  "Leave my baby alone please, Fu."  He got into the Impala, taking the stuff out of the bag to start loading weapons.  "Head to Little Havana.  I'm burning a favor in Caya Ocho."  Dean nodded, heading that way.  He pointed at the turns for him, then got out to walk into the bodega.  "Where's Marty?"

"Who are you?" the older woman behind the counter asked.

"Xander."  He stared her down.  "He owes me, I'm calling it in."

"He's in jail."

"For?"

"Not arraigned yet."

Xander swore, calling Horatio.  "I need Marty Ortese.  I'm told he's in jail.  I need him to help me rescue someone, Horatio.  No, I can't.  No, not one of the boys.  Though, check on them.  They're at the coven's shop."  She snorted at that.  He stared at her.  "I'm from Sunnydale," he said in Spanish.  She went pale and backed away from him.  "Born, bred, and hunted there."  Horatio found him in the system.  "Bail?"  He nodded.  "Have Don or Danny do it, no questions asked this time.  If they try, tell them what I'm doing and tell them to wait and call someone else in the family who's more subtle.  Thank you.  The bodega where he hangs out."  He hung up and looked at her.  She flinched, looking away.  "The Muertes?"

"Up the street.  You can't go against them."

"Two of them owe me the same sort of debt.  I'm calling it in to rescue some little kids who're being hurt."  She nodded, looking down.  "Send Marty to me."  He walked out, pointing up the street.  He saw one gang member who was sneering so he shoved him into traffic as he walked past him.  "I don't have time for you today and you still owe me six hundred bucks.  I'm going to charge interest next week."  He walked into the diner, nodding at the lieutenants trying to get in his way.  "I'm saving some kids so I'm calling in the poker debt."  He walked around one.  One tried to get in his way so he threw him down and walked over him, still very calm.  "Horace, my man."

"Harris?" he asked, looking confused.  "How did you do that?"

He leaned down.  Then he put his old ID down in front of him.  "Look at the town's name and the date of birth so you probably heard about me helping defend at my graduation," he said quietly.  "That's why you don't fuck with me."  The man looked then gave him a horrified look.  "The dealer at Fu's had his kid snatched.  He's in bad shape."

"We heard someone tried."

"No, not tried.  He's in bad shape."  They nodded at that.  "I need recon on his place and I'm getting Marty out of jail so he can help me break and enter.  Can I get some help?  They've got more than one kid."

"For that, we can help.  People who hurt kids get us up their asses the hard way," he agreed.

"Thank you."  He put his ID back into his wallet.  "They're in the Forever building."  That got a wince.  Xander smirked.  "Which is why I'm getting Marty out."

"Good idea.  How would you get in there?"

"Well, there's the Sunnydale way -  sewers.  There's the practical way, a SWAT team.  Then there's the Harris and slayer way.  Fuck with me and die."  He grinned sweetly.  "Which way do you want?"

"The last if it won't hurt the kids."

"They won't see it coming."  He walked off.  "One hour."

"Agreed."  He waved weakly at his back.  "Why didn't anyone tell us he was from Boca del Inferno?" he shouted.

"He is?" one guy asked.  Their leader nodded.  "That explains a lot."  He did a search on him.  The demon underground and theirs crossed over in many places so they knew where to look for reps and back stories.  "Ooh, yeah, he hunted with *her* and then they had a fight so he split."  He let his boss see the journal of information on the town out there.  Harris wasn't as bad ass as some, but he was pretty high up the insane white boy chart.

***

Xander looked up at the building.  Then at his breaking and entering person.  "I need you to go in and protect the kids.  Take Dean with you.  He can climb better than I can if you have to.  We know they have at least four.  At least one is looking really rough and one was passed out that we saw.  They'll try the kids if they see us coming."  Marty nodded at that.  Dean grabbed some stuff to go with him.  He looked at the gang members.  "You six, be a diversion.  Luis, guard my exit."  He walked up to his way into the building, letting Luis hold that door against anyone who was coming down out of it.  He snuck in.

By now Marty and Dean were halfway in.  The diversion was going well.  It looked like a gang brawl.  Which it kinda was.  Over a woman, which was pathetic but he knew they happened sometimes.  He made his way into the stairway he needed, heading up them silently.  Magicing the cameras wasn't that hard.  He had learned well from the ones who wanted to take him and having to take himself back.  He found the right entrance to the area they were using, hearing the guys sneering at the gang kids for their fights.  Pity.  Xander set off the flash bang he had gotten out of his bag, sending it into the room before it went off.

Then the shouting started.

Xander slipped in during the chaos, taking them down with very nice wounding shots.  He heard someone coming up behind him and spun to get them, frowning at the badge he saw.  Clearly not on duty since his pants were unzipped.  Yeah, this was going to be a sucky day.  "Dean?  Clear?"

"Clear," he called.  "We need an ambulance and CSI."

"Yup, we do but we can't."  He called Luis.  "They're down and injured.  Have the boys search the rest of the building before cops show up."  He called that out, breaking up the fight.  Xander hung up, heading in to check on the kids.  He squatted down in front of one.  "Your father told me today."  The boy nodded, smiling at him.  "In a minute we're going to disappear and the ambulances are going to show up. We'll be dragging the bad guys off before then or tying them up."

His phone rang.  "Harris."  He listened then nodded.  "I'll call Horatio personally.  You guys scatter.  Thank you for your help.  Debt canceled until you lose to me again."   He hung up, looking at the boy.  "You're not the only ones here.  Dean, grab that Fed.  Marty, Horatio knows you were with me.  You will not be in trouble for this.  I'll talk to the head DA and dance for him if I have to."  That got a grin that the guy tried to hide.  "I can."  He stood up.  "Dean, grab the Fed."  He went to do that.  Xander called Horatio.

"I am standing here in this building with Marty, who I am leaving here with the kids these assholes had hostage.  They need medical support badly.  At the very least they're bruised.  A few look dehydrated.  There's also a lot of stuff and other people in the building that are trapped here.  Dean and I are going to disappear.  Marty is going to be doing his civic duty to help these kids.  I said I'd help even if you couldn't, Horatio.  Thank you.  Six here, Luis said there were a lot downstairs plus some guns and drugs.  We're heading now.  Yes, there.  Give us five.  Get here first."  He hung up.  "Let's go.  Thank you, Marty.  Debt canceled.  Do not skip on the bail."

"I won't.  Go."

Xander nodded, walking out to help Dean gather the idiots.  They zip tied the others together after frisking them for weapons.  Then they walked out with the guy they wanted.  His badge was still in place.  His pants were still unzipped.  Dean shoved him into the trunk.  Impalas had nice, roomy trunks.  It was one reason he loved his baby.  "To the Feds, Dean."

"You sure?"

"Yeah.  He's one of them.  There's no way they're going to cover this up and having him there would mean more agents getting involved.  Let Horatio hand out the party favors once he's cleaned up the weapons and drugs."  Dean nodded, driving them off to the Federal building.  "Stay.  I can get away with it and you can't.  They'll think I had to shoot him because I hormoned him."  He got out and got the guy out of the trunk, walking him into the building.  The guards gave him a horrified look.  "Which floor should he be on?"

"Sixth," one said weakly.  "Does he need support, sir?"

"I'm taking him to his supervisor, guys.  It's complicated and there's some people who got hurt because of him."  They stepped out of the way.  He walked him to the elevator, pushing the right button.  Of course, the guards called so he was met at the doors by four agents with guns.  "Good."  He pulled the one he knew into the elevator and pushed the button for the ground floor.  "Dean and I went to rescue a poker buddy's child who had been kidnaped and held for blackmail," he explained quickly.  "This one came out of some other room with his pants unzipped and his badge on.  The kids were in damn bad shape.  Horatio is clearing up the scene and getting people help.  You guys stepping in would take longer since there's some other hostages.  Yes, I shot him when he tried to stop me from getting to the kids."  He handed him over.  "Have fun with him."  He got off the elevator, heading back outside.

The agent glared.  "Harris!" he yelled.  Xander stopped to look at him.  "Where?"

"Call Horatio.  He's there by now.  I even blew a few poker favors to get there."

"With?"

Xander smiled.  "Poker buddies of course."  He walked out, letting the door close behind him so he could get into the Impala.  "I need a hot bath and a beer to get that image out of my mind," he said.

"Agreed," Dean said, pulling out and heading for the house.  If they wanted to come question them, they'd find them anyway.  This way Horatio could come ask as well.

***

Horatio watched the last ambulance pull away, looking at the officers waiting.  "Good work.  Gather up the rest, wait for Rapid Response to come get it.  It's too much for the lab to store."  They nodded.  He looked at the building then at the watching gang member.  "Luis, thank you for helping him."

"We hate sickos as much as you do, Caine."  He strolled over.  "He's bold and sassy today.  We had no idea why you didn't fuck with Xander beyond the hair pins."

Horatio smirked a bit.  "Unfortunately his hormones keep him from being this way all the time now."

"We all retire sometime.  Some of us go to death.  Some of us go to create the next generation of greatness.  Some of us apparently retired to spoiled bliss.  He wasn't bad.  He pinpointed who he wanted and what he needed very quickly."

"He can plan," Horatio agreed.  "If you hear more about these people, I'd like to know."

"We can deliver and make sure people get to where they need to go.  You are taking the weapons?"

"Yes.  They'll be destroyed later today with the drugs."  That got a nod.  "I'm surprised your people didn't try to take any."

"Nah.  Not worth it.  It was cheap stuff.  Besides, it might make us like them.  Many boys are superstitious.  Especially about that crazy white boy now."

Horatio smiled.  "It's a bit of genius thrown into that mix, but now and then I feel the same way."

"I can see why.  Happy paperwork, cop."

"Happier night, Luis.  And thank you."  He walked off.  The DA had already been told why the guy had been bailed out that way.  She had made him a very nice deal that would only get him probation when she had heard why.  That was a good use of his breaking and entering skills.  Plus it gave him the chance to go straight if he wanted to.  If not, his next arrest would be his own fault.  He went back to the office.  He'd give Xander a hug later.  He ran into Danny and Don waiting on him.  "One of the dealers had his son kidnaped," he said quietly.  "Xander and Dean pulled a rescue.  For a very good reason."

"Heard that," Don agreed.  "Our boy okay?"

"He had already disappeared by the time I got there."

"With a Fed in tow," Danny said grimly.  "His boss is ranting and raving at Frank in your office about our boy's drama queen nature."

"Yes, he does now and then," he agreed.

"That guy he had me bail out?" Don asked.

"Broke into the building to help."

"That's a good reason," Don decided, heading back to his desk.   With a quick stop to bang his head against a wall before he said something to Xander that would upset him.

Danny walked up behind him, patting him on the back.  "Horatio said he blew some poker debts to the Muertes."

"That's a positive.  Everyone got rescued, that's another positive.  We got a major haul of weak coke and crank off the streets with some weapons.  Our boy still rode in like some superhero with Dean helping him."  They shared a look.  "Taking tomorrow off too?"

"I've got court.  Wish I could."  He walked off.  "I'll take the next day off."

Don grinned at his back, going back to his stack of paperwork.  He found the Chief of Detectives waiting on him impatiently.  "Sir."

"You bailed someone out for your spouse?"

"Ask Horatio why, sir.  He was just helping him clean up a mess."

"Your spouse or the one you bailed out?"

"Both."

He stared at him.  "Is Horatio going to growl at me?"

"Maybe at the agent who came in to complain that my boy's a drama queen."

"Maybe I'll wait.  Good reason?"  Frank turned up the radio he had going on his desk.  Someone had gotten word of the bust.  "Oh."

"With hostages," Don told him.

"Aw, shit," he muttered, going to talk to Horatio.  "Fallout?" he asked as he walked in.

"None.  It was done privately and quietly.  The one who he had bailed out got a very nice deal for probation in thanks for his help.  Sixteen people went to the emergency room.  We netted over a ton of drugs and about the same in handguns."  His boss shuddered.  "Xander had one agent who tried to stop him so he kindly handed him over."

"Walked him into the building, handed him over in the elevator and told my why on the way back to the lobby," the agent complained.

"The boy's a princess," the Chief of Detectives told him.  "You should see him pout when we don't eat all the food he brought us."

"He did pout the last time since the bigots decided not to eat but his boyfriends made him feel better.  Next time he'll feed Mac's lab."

"I'm sure they appreciate it," his boss said dryly.  "How bad is this going to look on us?"

"Why would it?  As far as I know, we had no hint of anything going on.  They may have had a dirty agent but he's going to be removed I'm sure.  We stepped in to confiscate everything we could once the situation was reported.  Unless someone did report it to us, it should be fine, sir."

"Good.  Any idea if this is related to the officer involved shooting last week?"

"No, sir, wrong part of town."

"Damn.  Okay, let me know the final tally and all that, Caine.  Tell the boy to calm down and be less of a princess."

"If I do that, he'll come in wearing a crown next time, sir."

"I forgot he could be like that."  He walked off shaking his head.

The agent looked at him.  "He feeds you guys?"

"He cooks lunch for the station at least once a month.  Sometimes he orders some for us.  Most of the time he cooks and brings enough in for the lab and patrol."

"I wish we had wives that did that."  He shook his head to clear it.  "How involved was he?"

"We did not find any files."

"I'll get it out of him then."

"Threaten him with Xander if you need to."

"Oh, I plan on it.  Or maybe Fornell.  He scared the guy when he came down for Heartstone."  He walked off making plans on how to get the guy to confess.

Horatio wrote out his report on what had happened and where everything was now.  Supplemental reports from Rapid Response would fill out the rest of it.

***

Danny walked into the house that night, finding Xander curled up on the couch with ice cream.  He kissed him on the head.  "Good job," he said quietly.  "Next time, call so we can back you up?  That way you take less risks?"  Xander looked up at him.  "Seriously."  Xander nodded.  "Good.  That's all we worried about."  He took another kiss.  "The agent you handed him over to walked out pouting that no one cooks for them."

Xander grinned.  "I ordered Don's team lunch the other day.  Charlie sent me a thank you note."

"That was nice of you," he said, sitting beside him.  "Dean?"

"He's good.  We had a beer, a long, hot shower, and then he went to clean guns at the store."

"Good."  He gave his boy the cuddle he clearly wanted.  "Good, quiet job.  Efficient use of the people you had.  The kids didn't get any more hurt by anything.  Rapid Response found the failsafe they had that didn't get to be set off.  It was a tight rescue."  Xander relaxed.  "Even the asshole over SWAT said it was a good job and wondered how we had gotten you down that far."

"Emergency switch."

"I figured it was."  Don came in.  "He agreed.  Next time we can quietly go in and then call for backup once we've got it settled down."

"I can agree with that.  Horatio said the same thing.  Mostly so he didn't have to see a princess pout.  The Chief of Detectives thinks you are but Horatio said if he called you one again you'd wear your crown into his office."  Xander grinned at that thought.  He took his own kiss.  "Good job.  I stopped in to give Dean a hug too.  He waved it off but Sam stared at his brother in horrified awe.  Their friend Bobby too."  He sat down on Xander's other side, stroking over his hair.  "Fu fire that dealer?"

"I don't know."

"It was an extreme circumstance," Danny said.  "Maybe he'll be picked up at one of the other areas.  Take his kid somewhere safer."  Xander nodded, yawning some.  "You rest.  You deserve it."  Xander smiled, snuggling between them to drift off to the food network.  Don changed the channel once he heard the first snore.  Danny grinned.  "Dean okay?"

"Fine.  Not even shaky.  You gotta figure he's done something similar with the hunting stuff."

"I don't even think about what that stuff could entail."  He shifted, letting Xander have his chest as a pillow.  Speed walked in.  "Hey."

"I heard Horatio's usual methods of dealing with bad problems got passed on."  He stared at Xander.  Then at his boys.  "He okay?"

"He's fine," Don promised with a smile.  "He did do a lot of the hunting stuff before."

"I remember, but that's....Horatio level of handling it dramatically."  He shook his head.  "At least everyone's all right.  Dean handling calming down okay too?"  Don nodded.  "Good.  Tell him to be a bit less dramatic.  If he had waited until Horatio got there, it would've been all right.  They could've dragged the agent back together."

Danny snickered.  "I know he came to complain about that part."

"Horatio said the whole thing was high drama.  It was like watching spies at work."  Don smirked at that.  "But it worked this time.  Remember, you're supposed to be training good habits into him, guys.  That way he knows to wait for backup and things."

"They might've hurt the hostages."

"True.  They did find a failsafe too," Speed admitted.  "Still a bit too spy-like for our tastes.  We would've let them slip away before calling anyone.  Fortunately someone told Horatio so he was only about a mile away."

"That could've been part of the plan too," Danny told him.

"Could have been," Speed said, shaking his head.  "Less drama, please?"  They both nodded.  "Then he did a good job and deserves a treat."

"I'm taking the day after tomorrow off," Danny said.  "Court tomorrow."

"I'm taking tomorrow off," Don said with a grin.  "He'll get a good reward, Speed."

"Excellent idea."  He walked off, heading home to spoil his own man.  He knew scenes like that one made his boy ache.  So he'd be there to cuddle and keep him calm.

Don got up and went into the kitchen to make dinner.  Xander wasn't allowed to have ice cream for dinner anymore.  Danny shifted to hold their boy better.  He did deserve it.

Good GHS Boys Get A New Toy

Dean walked around the car they were up to look at.  It wasn't *bad* looking.  Even if it was a modern mustang.  "What year is it?" he asked the owner.

"2007 Mustang Shelby.  I know it needs painted."

Sam grinned.  "We've got three fellow students who need some practical skills.  We'll teach them how to work on the car."  She beamed at that.  "Xander trained us and is training them."

"Awww.  I love Xander cuddles at the conventions."  She handed him the keys.  "Go ahead and start her."

Sam climbed in, having to push the seat back most of the way.  He was tall, it was something he was used to.  He started it, listening to it run.

Dean popped the hood.  "Needs a system flush and some new filters.  Could use some cleaning up too," he told her.  He grinned.  "We've kept the family's baby in good shape for nearly seven hundred thousand miles."

"Wow."  She looked at the gleaming Impala.  "She's beautiful, Dean."

"She is.  She was our dad's."  He carefully put down the hood, looking at Sam through the windshield.  "Well?" he asked.

"I like it," he decided.  He got out and pulled a check out of his back pocket.  "Direct from Steve since he watches over our accounts."

She gave them a hug.  "Thank you, boys.  Let me deposit it and I'll sign over the title."  They smiled and nodded, letting her run to the bank to do that.  When she came back Sam was teasing Dean about what color he wanted to paint it.  She signed over the title and handed it to Sam.  "There you go.  Thank you."

"No, thank you."  He gave her a hug.  She moaned but smiled at him.  Dean shook her hand, getting a kiss on the cheek.  "If you want pictures after she's painted, let us know."

"I will."  She watched them leave, smiling at the goofy boys.  They were nearly angsting about being in different cars.  It was so adorable!

***

Sam pulled into Xander's driveway, parking off in the grass.  Xander came out to look at him.  "We're going to teach the boys some practical skills while we give them driving lessons."

"That's cool.  Don't let it drip oil or anything into the grass."

"We won't."  He smiled as the Impala pulled in.  "So, how much work do we really need, Dean?"

"System flush and regular oil change plus filters.  Some cleaning so we'll have to take it apart to do that."  He looked it over.  "Then paint the poor thing."

"I was thinking a dark teal.  No racing stripes.  Maybe some black accents or some chroming?"

Dean shook his head.  "Girl colors, Sammy.  Cars aren't teal."

"You can get paint made in any color," Xander reminded them.  "I saw one the other day that was an olive drab citreon."

Dean shuddered at that.  "Not exactly military issue."  He looked at the car.  It had a raised spoiler and clearly was meant to go very fast since she had racing options put on to up the engine's power.   He didn't like the blunt nose on it but it wasn't his call.

"We could probably recover the seats to match the new paint color," Sam offered.

"Some darker shade of green, like dark hunter green?" Xander suggested.  Dean looked at him.  "They make car paint in that color.  It's standard on one of the new saturns Steve was looking at.  Green would go well with his eyes so he'd look good getting out of it."

"I might like green," Sam admitted.  "Or maybe a nice charcoal gray?"

Dean nodded.  "That might be nice.  Green interior?"

Sam beamed.  "I could handle that.  Or maybe a dark purple one if we can find it?"

Dean shook his head.  "Not if you want me to ride in it sometime in the future, Sammy."

"Fine."  He looked at Xander.  "So can we work on it here and let the boys help us?"

"Sure."  He gave them both hugs.  "Do whatever you need to.  Just don't get the lawn messy."  They nodded, going to get the boys to go over what a car was.  Xander settled in to listen and play with the dogs so they didn't use Sam's new car as a perch.  Now and then they tried that with Danny's car to sunbathe on the roof.

Draco looked the car over.  "Why is it that color?  I haven't seen one that color around town."

"That's a base coat for under the car paint," Dean told him.  "It's being repainted because someone ran into the old owner."

"You can fix them instead of buying a new one?" Draco asked, looking confused.

"Most people can't afford a new car just because it gets a few bruises and dents," Sam told him.

"So what're we doing with it?  Magic to paint it?  My brothers came up with a neat color changing paint that rotates colors every few hours," Ron said.

"Nope, we'll teach you guys how to deal with a car and give you driving lessons on her," Sam said proudly.  "She's my second car.  I had one at Stanford but we ended up selling it before I went on the road with Dean."

"You mean like you do on the side of a house?" Draco asked.  "I've seen a house elf doing it."

"I've painted shutters," Harry said.

"You use a spray painter for cars," Dean told them.  "No brushes.  It'll leave marks."  They all nodded at that.  Clearly none of them knew what he was talking about.  "For now, we need to get some coke, some brushes, and the things to flush the system and change the oil."  He moved closer, showing them where the filters were and how you checked the oil, plus all the other fluids.  "Looks like you're down on washer fluid too, Sammy."

"At least we don't need antifreeze," Sam offered.  He looked.  "What about transmission fluid?"

Dean checked it, then grimaced.  "Could use another good bottle."  He looked at the boys.  "C'mon, let's hit the auto store."  They gave him looks like he was insane.  "You can't find it at the mall, boys.  Into the Impala."  Xander tossed over his keys.  "I can do it in the Impala, Xander."

"There was a huge wreck in front of NAPA earlier so they're working on the roads.  It's supposed to be in chunks."

"Then we'll take the SUV," he decided.  No way was he going to risk his baby's tires.  He got them into the car, Draco in front this time.  "It's not so bad and it's a good life skill for when you start driving, boys."

"If you say so.  Don't they have people you can hire do this stuff?" Ron asked.

"Yeah but it's cheaper and the car means more to you than a disposable toy if you do it yourself," Dean told him.  He backed the huge SUV down the driveway and out onto the road, taking it to the auto store.  He waved at the guards, who waved back with a tolerant look.   He took them to the store, watching them look so confused at all the boxes.  The guy behind the counter grinned at them.  "Teaching them how to work on one using my brother's new Shelby."

"What year?"

"2007.  It doesn't need parts beyond a better radio.  Just the usual."

"Aisle four, sir."  Dean nodded, taking them that way.  He got the redhead a basket so they could load up.  "We've got a special on oil."

"She upgraded to the racing package," Dean told him.

"Hmm.  Nice."

"Higher spoiler too," Dean said with a grin.   He got what they needed, and grabbed a bottle of detergent too.  Ron looked confused.  "So we can wash it before we paint it, Ron.  The paint won't go as well if it's dirty."

"Are you going to order the new paint through us?" the guy asked.

"Not sure yet.  We're deciding between charcoal gray and dark green.  How much will it run to order it?"  He got him the listed prices.  "Thanks, dude."  He brought the basket up to check out.  Ron held up the can of nuts.  "Sure, get it for Xander.  I'll show him how to change his oil too."  The guy behind the counter laughed.  "He's a bit spoiled.  It's his SUV.  It has such heavy shielding you have to have special tools to get into the engine to do that."  He took the bags.  "Okay, let's hit the house."  They nodded, following him back to the SUV.

"Cute kids," he said with a grin. "Clearly a family thing."

Dean drove them back, stopping to pick up the thing that Don called to ask about on the way.  It was the least he could do.  He parked and got out, pulling the boys over to help him and Sammy.  Their father had taught them well.  "Xander," Dean called.  "Front and center so you learn too."  The younger boys all smirked at that.

Xander came over.  "I can test my own oil.  I can't do it on the SUV, but I can do it."

"Now I'm going to show you how to flush your system and do all of that."  They all nodded.  "We need a few buckets or something."

Xander went to get a few dishpans, bringing them out.  Dean poured the two-liters of coke into one.  The other got some water.  The boys groaned when they saw why.  "Yeah, it'll eat grease and rust as well as taste good.  You can't drink it after you do this though."  He settled in to scrub some of the parts with the boys.

"We need a new gasket," Dean told Sam.

"Anything else?"

Dean looked then nodded.  "New spark plugs, Sammy."

"On it."  He went to pick those up in the Impala.  He came back and they settled in to work on it.  "How were paint prices?"

"Not cheap," Dean told him.

"The place I got the SUV wasn't bad," Xander offered.  "They offer special painting services."

"Maaco," Dean told him.  "Get it done for about four hundred if you pick a standard paint color."  He looked at his mentor with a grin.  "Standard things are all right, Xander.  Really.  They can probably even do it by the next day."  He handed Ron something else.  "Only clean the end."  Ron nodded and did that with the small brush.  Sam got down to help them scrub the parts clean.  Dean finished his flushing the system and started to reassemble things.  Xander took the full containers of oil and other fluids into the garage so he could dispose of it properly later on.  The boys helped a lot.  By the end of the day they were sweaty and tired but Dean had taught them all basic engine theory.  Plus necessary skills about how to check your fluids, how to add more oil, how not to spill it when adding oil.  He even taught them about tire rotation and how to check for air pressure.

Xander sent them to clean up for dinner, ordering something since he was tired.  They went in to flop down in front of the tv.  "You sure you want to go somewhere that cheap, Dean?"

"It's not a bad paint job.  If we had a power painter I'd do it on my own."

"Think you could use a regular power painter?"

"You know, I don't know.  I'd have to ask Bobby that."  He called him.  "Can we use a regular house paint sort of power painter to paint Sammy's new car?"  He listened.  "That'll work.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "We can rent one from a lot of the auto places.  He wasn't sure if the paint would be too thick."  Xander nodded.  The boys came out to flop down.  Danny came in about the same time as the food so he brought it out to them.  "Thanks."

"She's not a bad looking car, guys," he said with a grin.

"We were talking about how to paint her," Dean told him.

"Doing it yourself or having it done?"

"Probably doing it ourselves," Sam said, digging out a slice of pizza.  "Thanks, Xander."

"Not a problem, Sam.  It's been a long day."  The boys groaned but fed their growing boy stomachs.  He smiled at Danny.  "Big day at the lab?"

"Long day at the lab.  No new cases so we had paperwork to clear up."

"Poor baby.  Let me eat and I'll work on your arms."

Sam and Dean both got out of his way.  Just in case he pounced.  The younger three shared a look then took the rest of that pizza back to their realm.  Dean and Sam fled with theirs when it moved to kissing.

Xander looked around.  "Awww, we ran them off."

Danny smirked.  "Naughty you."  He fed him another slice and settled in to watch tv with him.  "You guys have fun?"

"I think they learned a lot.  I learned stuff I didn't know.  Dean's a really good mechanic."  He nibbled a bite, leaning against his side.  "I made sure nothing got onto the grass."

"Good."  He smiled down at his boy's head.  "Don'll be home soon."

"There's a few slices left."

"We can save him some.  He had court and then paperwork all day."  He gave him a hug, letting Xander rest against his side.  "Are we doing the painting here?"

"I think that's the plan.  I'll make them put a tarp down so nothing gets on the grass.  That way we don't have to worry about the animals getting into it."

"That's not a bad thing.  Will the community rulers be annoyed?"

"Two houses up on the street behind us has a guy who restores them in his garage.  Ours is outside but it shouldn't.  We're not being really noisy.  I'm making sure nothing spills.  I'll take the old oil and things to a garage tomorrow so they can dispose of it properly."

"Good boy."

Don strolled in undoing his tie.  "The Shelby's looking good."

"They're going to repaint it.  Dean taught us all about how to rebuild an engine after we flushed and cleaned it."

"It's a good skill.  If your SUV didn't have all the heavy panel shielding you could do that."

"There's no way someone's going to blow up this SUV," he said dryly.

"True."  He took a kiss.  "How did the boys do?"

"Ron and Draco were picking on each other so Harry threatened them both with the oil being poured over their heads.  They're eating in the other house."

He sat down to take his slices.  "Dean and Sam head home for the night?"  Danny nodded with a grin. "Good, that means they're not in the way of pouncing.  Sam hates it when I pounce you and he's sitting next to you."

"I think that's why they fled," Xander teased.

"Good of them."  He took a kiss and ate his dinner, then pulled Xander into his lap.  "I've had a paperwork day."  Xander cooed and got to work on his shoulders, kissing him as he worked on the cramps there and in his arms.  Danny got the same treatment.  Don went in to run them a shower so they could have some wet cuddles then they could go to bed that night.

***

Sam walked out to the guard shack.  "Guys, you left a note for Xander about us?"

"We were wondering what you guys were doing with the new car."

"It's mine.  I'm restoring it."  He grinned.  "It had a small accident.  We're down to only needing to paint and I'll be putting a tarp underneath her before I do that.  Xander made sure nothing hit the grass."

"We'd be happier if it was in a garage."

"His won't fit it."

"I know.  Are you going to keep doing this?"

"Nope.  Just this one.  Then I'll be giving the three younger students driving lessons with Dean."

"That could help them."  He looked at him.  "Only painting?"

"We haven't had to bang anything back into shape."

"We realized that.  Xander called his garage to come pick up the oil and stuff since he wasn't sure he couldn't carry it and not spill it."  Sam grinned at that.  "Fine.  Next time, at least put up an awning over it.  That way you can say it is inside if someone nags."

"Who nagged?"

"The new family moving into the house that used to have the tree.  They're three older women who moved in together from up north."

"I'll warn Xander not to sunbathe nude in the backyard then."

"That might please them, yes."

Sam grinned.  "They won't get him to stop being him."

"We already had one call about sword practice this morning.  They panicked that it was a domestic dispute."

"No, it's training.  You can tell them Xander's working on their self defense and other skills."

"We did.  Thank you, Sam."

"Welcome."  He walked off, going back to the kitchen.  "Xander, tree lady's house was bought."

"I heard someone doing some renovating the other day."

"Three older ladies from up north who retired together."

"Lesbians?"

"He didn't say.  He did say that they panicked about sword practice this morning."

"Oops but oh well.  I'll bring over some goodies later and tan in the front yard for a while."  He smirked.  "They yell about the car?"

"The ladies aren't fond of us fixing it up.  I assured him it's the only one.  He said next time put it under an awning so you could say it was inside."

"That's fine.  Draco, you and Harry go pick things for a welcome to the neighborhood present."  They found a basket from the piles under the sink and went to do that.  Xander handed Sam a sandwich.  "Dean doing the shop alone today?"

"For about another hour.  Then I was going to bring the boys in with you to help them buy their first one."

Xander nodded.  "That's cool."  He grinned a little bit.  "I'll be dressed by then."

"Go shower now so your hair has time to dry before you go visiting."  Xander went to do that.  Sam helped Ron arrange the welcoming basket once they were back.  Xander had been making cookies so he added half of those.  The rest the boys scarfed down like they were starving.  But all four of them were boys so it was normal.  Xander came out dressed in real clothes.  "I put in some of the cookies."

"Thankfully I was going to make a few more batches," he teased.  "Get dressed.  We're going visiting then to Dean's shop."  They went to do that.  Ron had to borrow a good shirt, all his were in the wash.  He still needed help figuring out the washer now and then.  Xander got his keys to the SUV, and they headed out together.  Sam made sure the house was locked up.  The dogs were lounging in the living room anyway.  They walked out the gate with a wave for the guards and next door, smiling at the older woman who answered.  "Hi, I'm Xander.  I live next door with my two boys and my students.  These are Ron, Harry, Draco, and Sam.  I train them."  He handed over the basket with a smile.  "I hope you're a better neighbor than the last one.  She burned down our garage because her tree fell on it."

She smiled.  "I heard that story.  Do you have time for tea?"

"Not today.  I'm taking the boys to get their first weapons and then out to the farm.  But how about tomorrow afternoon?  I don't have anything planned and I make a mean pot of tea."

She nodded.  "I could like that, Xander.  Thank you.  We saw you practicing this morning."

Xander grinned.  "It's a great workout."  She nodded at that.  "So we'll see you then.  Come over whenever you're ready.  I'll be bored all day."  He beamed and walked off with the boys to get the SUV and drive off.

She went inside.  "I met that strange boy next door and some of his students," she told the others.

"Really?  Was he nice?"

"Very."  She put down the basket.  "He invited us over for tea tomorrow.  Anytime we want to come over.  He said he'll be bored tomorrow."

"I noticed the sword work."

"He said it's a good workout and he's taking those three younger ones to get their first weapons today then out to their farm."

"Ah," the oldest one said.  She looked and took a cookie to nibble.  "He does make a good cookie."  The others dug into the basket.  The fruit was much appreciated.  "Do we think he might be a Goddess worshiper too?" she asked them.

"He does cultivate a good orchard," the youngest said.

The one that had answered the door smiled and nodded.  "That shirt he was wearing showed a tattoo through the thin fabric.  One to Cupid."  The others smiled.  "I'm fairly certain he's gay since he did say he had boys and students."

"Aww, that's cute," the youngest said.  "Maybe we won't have any problems then."

"He did say he wanted better relations than he had with the one with the tree."

They all laughed and nodded.  They could handle that.  They weren't that mean.

***

Xander walked the boys into the store, nodding at Dean.  Sam walked them over to the area Dean had said to let them shop in.  "Okay, boys.  You're each getting your first gun today.  You'll be expected to keep it clean, practice on it.  Practice on the others' now and then too just in case it's needed.  So think about what you've been doing at the range and how each gun you've tried weighed and felt in your hands."

Harry went for something smaller, something that he could conceal if necessary.  Ron tried the same size but it was too small for his hand so he went up to something larger.  Draco got his from the one he liked best at the range.

Sam looked them over.  "Ron, that's a different caliber, that means you'll have to buy bullets just for your gun."  He pointed at something.  "Try that.  It's the same size but a bit less weighty."  Ron tried it and grimaced at the grip.  "Hmm.  Try this one," he offered, handing it off.

Dean came over and pointed at one.  "Ron, Draco, try those."

"I liked this one," Draco told him.  "It fits well.  It's fairly pretty."

Harry looked at his.  "Is that the same caliber?"  Dean nodded.  He looked at the ones Dean pointed at, letting Ron feel it.  Then the second one.  That one had a smoother grip.

"The rougher grip could help if you're sweaty," Dean told him.  "Smooth ones can get slippery."

"I shouldn't have to use it that often though," Ron reminded him.  "Range times to stay in practice and if we're taken again."

"Good point," Sam agreed.  "That's not a bad gun.  Both choices are nice.  Which one do you like better?"

Ron weighed them in his hands, then picked the one Dean had liked.  Dean knew guns so he'd trust him.  "Is it hard to maintain?"

"No, it's very unfussy about that.  Draco's got a fussier one with an extra part."  He let him see that.  Draco nodded at that.  "So it'll click twice when you pull the hammer back."

"That's fine," he agreed.  He tried the other one.  "That's heavier.  I need something light with my wrists."  He looked up.  "I wasn't meant for menial labor.  My wrists are delicate."

"Remember, you have to practice with theirs," Xander told him.

"That's fine."  He looked at Harry's.  It was fairly standard looking from what he could tell.  It was an automatic and his was a revolver.  "Is his accurate and all that?"

"It's a good gun," Sam told him.

"Not bad for a beginner's gun.  Some officers carry that model but it's not something that a heavy shooter would use.  It'll probably wear out within five or six years with just practice time."  He let Harry handle another one.  "Try that.  It's a bit big for your hand but it might work."

Harry checked that one over.  "Too heavy.  I'd like something I can carry if I have to."

"That's what holsters are for," Sam told him with a grin.  "So you don't have to worry about them in a pocket."  Harry nodded, looking at another one.  That one was nice.  A revolver as well.  It was heavier.  Dean got Harry one from the same company but in an automatic.  Harry beamed at that one.  It felt good to him.  "Same caliber as theirs so that's not a problem."

"That's a fairly standard officer carried gun," Dean told him.  "It's meant to take abuse daily if you need to."  He looked at Draco's.  "Yours will stand up fine for years to come if you take care of it well enough.  I've seen older versions of that one handed down through generations."

"I know how to take care of it."

Ron looked at his.  "Mine's going to be sturdy, right?"

"It should be as long as you take care of it, yes," Dean told him.  They all nodded at that.  "Then let's do the paperwork, guys.  It'll take three days to get it back then you can have your guns and pick out holsters and things."  Xander paid for them and let Dean tag them for each of them.  Xander helped fill out the paperwork and they headed off to go to the farm.  He looked at the hunter with a grin.  "That was Xander and his current students."

"They looked a bit familiar."

"Some demon canceled a poker debt to Xander to tell him about Harry," Sam said with a grin.  "Met the new neighbors he has.  Three older women moved into tree lady's house."

"Are they going to cause a problem?"

"I don't think so.  They panicked over their sword practice but otherwise it seems okay.  We brought over a welcoming basket.  They're coming for tea at Xander's tomorrow."

"Xander does have the house warded very well.  If they're trouble, we'll know almost immediately."

"The one who answered the door caught sight of the tattoo on his side.  She gave it a long look."

"They show through that shirt," Dean agreed.  "Did she seem shocked or horrified?"

"No.  I have the feeling they're a different branch."

"It would be nice to have him have good neighbors again.  Any word on that demolished house?"

"Nope, not yet.  So, Dave, how's your year been?"

"Not bad.  Are you guys enjoying this?"

"It keeps us near Xander for when the next higher demon tries to take him," Sam told him.

"Or us," Dean agreed.  "Because they do try now and then."

"You know, Xander's going to get to celebrate not having been taken for a whole month for the third time next week."

"That's good.  Maybe it'll slow down."

Dave stared at them.  "You two are insane."

"Not really.  Xander draws demons," Dean told him.  "Very high ones who want him as a pet."

"We heard about that problem of his and yours, Winchester."

"Both of ours," Sam admitted.  "Dad would've freaked majorly."

"If it had come out when we were younger, he would've used it to kill that one sooner and then killed the rest that came for us," Dean agreed.  Dave snickered.  "Anyway, we're pretty well set up to handle things in Miami.  Xander's two boyfriends are officers.  We know a good many in the lab and homicide."

"That demon still insists that he killed you."

"Demons lie," Dean said bluntly.  "He hurt us, he didn't kill us."

"So no soul deal, nothing like that?"  Dean and Sam both shook their heads.  "Someone said something about seeing you guys heal."

"It was a gift from a demon that wants us and Xander to be his playmates.  That way we last longer.  We killed him already but it hasn't stopped it," Sam told him.

Dave gave him a funny look.  "You're kidding, right?"  Dean shook his head.  "You let it do that?"

"We woke up like this," Dean told him.  "We had no idea until Xander told us.  That's when we started training with him.  He's very good with a sword.  He's the one I got my battleaxe from.  It used to be his when he was out in Sunnydale."

"That's a bad town."

"Very, and the team split over their egos and mental problems," Sam told him.  "We talk to a guy named Oz out there all the time.  He's one of Xander's few friends out there."  He looked at Dean.  "Remember that robot guy?  He went to school with him."

"From what I know about Sunnydale, that doesn't really surprise me."

"Someone made a Buffy robot."

"Why?"

"Same geek trio."  He smirked.  "Sex and other things probably."

"Can't they go out to find sleazy women?"

"Some geeks can't," Sam told him.  "They're socially awkward so they can't talk to real women."

"There's gotta be a class that can help them," Dave told him.  "Because having sex with robots is pathetic."

"This one, you couldn't tell it wasn't human.  Including responses," Sam told him with a small shrug.  "Xander saw a tape of it."

"I still say it's pathetic."

"Yeah, but they're the same guys who built that huge one that attacked the convention right after the invasion," Dean told him.  "The agents watching the convention were not amused."

"Neither was Xander," Sam reminded him, getting a grin.  "Then he came home to find his house broken into so he went to deal with the thugs and make them beg for jail."

"How does a guy like *that* know thugs?" Dave asked.

"He plays poker with them," Dean said matter-of-factly.  "Sammy's got an admirer among them.  She's an assassin."

Sam nodded.  "Andrea's really nice if you can get past her job.  She's funny, a bit sweet.  Doesn't mind us hunting.  Said it's the same thing she does for a living."  He looked at Dean.  "She did a background check."

"That's smart of her."  He looked at Dave again.  "I've joined Xander for a few hands now and then too.  He's nice, he was losing the other day for some reason."

"He said it's nearly tax time so they needed it back to pay their taxes," Sam told him.  "The last time I played, the guys were whining that now there's three of us who win too much in the circle.  All Xander's fault of course since he brought us in."

Dean nodded.  "That makes sense in many strange ways."  They grinned at Dave again. "He's a great cook too.  You should ask Bobby.  They talked when he was out."

"He said he met him.  He was a bit flighty; a spoiling, long haired, overactive guy who treated you two like family until something happened then he calmly shot the demon and went back to spoiling everyone at the family picnic."

"Basically, yeah," Sam agreed with a grin.  "That's about normal though."  Dean nodded to back that up.  Someone came in.  "Welcome to our store.  Need help finding anything?"

"Do you carry hunting license forms?"

Dean found one and held it up.  "We can file it for you too."

"That's okay.  Thank you."  He took it to look over.  "Went up again this year."

"Everything does," Dean agreed.  "But still, twenty-five so you can eat for six months?  Not bad."

"No, not bad."  He walked out to fill it out at home.

Dean looked at Dave.  "We're not doing bad here.  Steve said we're doing about average for new speciality businesses."

"With the sales to the boys, that paid the rent this month," Sam told him.

"It did, didn't it."  He grinned.  "So not bad for being in business for a few weeks."

Dave shook his head.  "You two are going nuts."

"Nah, Xander only warped us a little bit," Sam offered with a grin.  "Otherwise I'd have longer hair and Dean can do those dances he does *really* well.  We could make tons of money if he'd do them in public.  We'd have to stop any orgies that started but we could make tons of money."

"Not to mention fighting off stalkers," Dean joked with a smirk.  "I think we could grow your hair out some.  With more practice, you'd do nearly as good as Xander does."

"Do I wanna know about this dancing stuff?" Dave asked.

"It leads back to a unique form of sword fighting," Dean told him.  "The dances teach you the proper moves.  It's how they teach teenage boys where Xander learned it."

"It's just kinda arousing," Sam added.

Dean nodded.  "Yeah, that's why the last three demons wanted us.  Adam said family sparring session Sunday."

"We're not open on Sundays anyway," Sam agreed.  "Then I start classes."

"After practice maybe we'll hit a beach with the boys?  Give Xander's boys time to wear him out before dinner?"

"Draco might appreciate picking up the scantily clad cuties again," Sam agreed.  "Harry too since he was broadcasting."

"Those three have got to get that figured out soon.  I know Xander's wanted to lock them in a room together."

"They'll figure it out, Dean.  Even if the witch did bind them together without their consent."

"How?" Dave asked.

"Hermione did it," Dean admitted.  "She wasn't happy that she was seeing someone on the side and Ron caught her.  He broke up with her."

"Did someone have a talk with her?"

Sam gave him an evil grin.  "Xander sent his former friend Willow a note about her and vengeance things so she could straighten the poor thing out."

A demon appeared, staring at him.  "We had given up hope that you'd fulfill that prophecy."

"I'm not," Sam said dryly, pulling his gun.  The demon moved before he could shoot it.  Dean got it.  "Sorry, I'm just mildly warped.  There's no way anyone's going to get me to lead an evil army."  He looked at Dave.  "Blessed sword with a destiny to lead an army of evil to it's demise."

"Where did you get that?"

"Xander," Dean said.

"Why?" he demanded, nearly whining.

"It was a present to him," Dean said with a grimace.  "How do we deal with your kind?  Sammy, do they dissolve in water or does it take hydrochloric acid?"

"Acid unfortunately."  He went to get some from their hunting kit in the trunk, pouring it over the body.  An officer wandered in and paused.  Sam let him see that it wasn't human.

"I've seen Harris destroying things like that for us.  Wolfe too," he said, going for the bullets.  "Do we have this year's licenses in for hunting, Mr. Winchester?"

"Sure do.  Fees went up."

"They usually do," he agreed dryly, bringing his box up.  Dean gave him the discount, the form, then bagged his bullets.  "Usually we have to see ID."

Dean pointed at the badge.  "That is ID.  You're supposed to be carrying a gun."

"What about state boys?  Do you know theirs?" he asked.

"Yeah, and I can duplicate their ID cards too," Dean said with an evil smirk.  The guy laughed at that.  "I remember you from pulling Sammy out of that limo last year when they wanted him and Xander."

"That was me."  He walked over the demon.  "Have fun burying that."

"It'll be ashes here in a minute," Sam said with a grin.  "Thanks for not freaking out."

"Hell, they come for Harris, so why not his students."  He left them alone.

Dean leaned on the counter.  The demon was dusting into ashes.  Sam went to get the dust buster.  "That's pretty neat of them."

Dave gave him a horrified look.  "No wards, no salt lines?"

"There are.  Their type you have to have specific wards against that species.  Sometimes just that clan," Sam told him.  "We have all the general ones.  We can take out anything else that makes it inside."

"Did you know the other planes of demons had their own police?" Dean asked him.  "They're kinda nice.  They keep rescuing Xander."

"You two are seriously screwed up."  A rock pile looking demon appeared wearing a badge.  "They come when you call?"

"I came for the ashes.  His mother will not be pleased," the demon told him.  Sam handed over the dust buster's cup with a smile.  "I'll tell her he bothered you, Samuel."  He disappeared again.

"See?" Dean asked.  "They take care of anything that's not too high born."

"Anything too ancient or powerful they can't handle but most of the time Xander does it for them," Sam told him.  "Plus they like to rescue Xander.  It frustrates them sometimes but he always has a good time destroying demon realms.  That's how he owns about five now."

"Too many more and someone's going to try to put him on the High Council," Dean said dryly.  "Then he'll have to pick a surrogate to vote for him."

"That's one way to end demonic slavery," Sam told him.

"True."

Dave shook his head quickly.  "Is it just being in Miami?"

"It's Xander," Dean said with a grin.  "His life is insane."

"Clearly."  He got what he needed.  "Let me hit my motel for the night, guys.  Thank you."

"Welcome, Dave.  Remember what we can mail to you if you need us to.  If not, we might be able to have Draco magic-gram it if it's an emergency."

"Sure, Dean.  Nice seeing you again too, Sam."  He walked out, going back to his motel to call Bobby from that safety.  "You didn't say the boys were insane!"  Bobby told him why, in graphic detail about the demons who wanted the boys and Xander for their pets.  "So they're wanted more now than before?  John would be spinning in his grave if he wasn't ashes."  He relaxed, letting the normal person calm him down.  Maybe he'd mail in orders after all.

***

Dean finished washing the new car in the family with the boys, stepping back to give it one last swipe with the old towel.  "Good job, boys."

"Don't they have bikini clad women who do this?" Ron asked.

"Only in some places and they're expensive," Dean told him with a grin.  "But very nice.  Even if you can't hit on them."  He looked at Sam.  "Charcoal gray?"  He nodded.  "Did we price where it's going to be cheapest?"

"The auto place Xander got his SUV from.  Us doing it would cost about an extra hundred.  They've got that color in stock so it won't cost any extra."

"Sure.  How long will it take?  You start classes tomorrow."

"About two days."  He shrugged.  "We can handle tomorrow, Dean."

"If you're sure."  He tossed over the keys.  "Take it there."  Sam grinned, getting in and heading that way.  "Then when it comes back he can give you three driving lessons.  I helped with his and they killed my nerves.  It's his turn," he said at Harry's grin at him.  "Dad was on a hunt, someone had to teach Sammy in case he had to get away from a demon.  Since I'm a fantastic big brother, I taught him how to drive and how to pick up women."  He put an arm around Draco's shoulders.  "You'll do fine driving."

"Do you think Xander would let us borrow the corvette?" he asked.

"Probably not.  The corvette is his baby.  The same as the Impala's mine.  He might help you find something though."  He gave him a squeeze then let him go.  "Go get dry, boys.  Dinner's probably soon."

"Xander said he's too tired to cook tonight," Ron said with a grimace.  "Draco threatened to order for us."

Dean walked into the house, finding Xander limp on the couch.  "Herbed?" he guessed.

"No.  Just tired."

Dean leaned down to look into his eyes.  "Bullshit, Xander."  Xander blinked at him.  "Clearly magiced then.  Boys, can you tell the coven I'm bringing Xander in to see what funky spell this is?"

"There's no spell," Xander protested.  "Even I can be tired."

"I'm sure you are," he agreed, hauling him up.  He walked him out to the corvette.  He was the only one outside of Xander's boys who got to drive the baby.  He got him in and took him to the store.  If he was sick, his healing would've taken care of it already.  It wasn't a long trip to the store on a Sunday afternoon so they were quickly there.  He got out and walked Xander inside to put him in front of the head witch.  "He actually said he was too tired to cook."

She looked at Dean.  "I'm sure it can happen to even your kind, Dean."

"His boys are working overtime and weren't home last night due to a stakeout," he said dryly.

"Interesting."  She found what she needed to see what was going on then smirked.  "Someone has something sympathetic and is using it."

"That statue?" he guessed.

"No, not the statue.  Something else."  She found his summoning necklace and rubbed it, getting the vampire detective, who grimaced at Xander.  "Who has the sympathetic thing?"

"Two of the lesser ones who believe that he's part quarth demon.  They're wrong and we've told them so.  They won't relent.  They think this means he'll come to them to let them own him."

"I'll go to them to destroy them," Xander assured him.  He yawned.

"Why don't you let me and Sammy do that for you?" he suggested.

"No, it's about me.  I can," Xander promised.  "I'm just tired."  He yawned again.

Dean shook his head, walking him out to the corvette then coming back inside.  "Where and how are they killed?"

"They're related to a few of the other officers so I can't tell you that part.  As for where?  They're on a subrealm for their kind.  It'll be a hell of a fight if you and Sam go."

Dean grimaced.  "If he went?"

"He could probably magically trace the contagion of the thing that they made."

"Can we?" he asked the witch.

"Draco can.  I'm fairly certain Harry can.  I'm not sure about Ron.  He might be able to too."

"Huh."  He considered it then texted his brother.  Who sent back that he was in the tub but he could get out and pack a bag for them.

"It could take weeks," the detective warned.

"That'd probably suck," he decided.  "Maybe we can send Ryan?"

The witch giggled.  "He might like that.  He's been frustrated recently."  Xander got out of the car and wobbled then disappeared after looking up.  "I think he went to a temple.  Not real sure though."

Dean smirked.  "If so, we might hear."  He looked at the detective.  "Can we stop them some other way, like legally?  Since Xander's been proven not to be a quarth and he had no interest in being kept?"

"We need him to file papers."

Dean nodded.  "Can we fill them out and have him sign them?"

"That we can do."  He went to do that and find the boy while he finished filling them out.  He found him at a temple and popped there, handing over the papers to Lord Strife since Xander was asleep on his thigh.  "Sign so I can arrest the little brats."

Strife looked then signed.  "Destroy it."

"Gladly.  I know they used some of his former hair that got cut."  He disappeared to file for that arrest warrant with the demonic courts.  They wanted the proof he wasn't a quarth so he pulled up a taped copy of him teaching the quarth his dance and them teaching him his.  "If he was, he could do them."

The judge nodded.  "He's not quarth.  What is he?"

"Immortal."

"Oh, dear.  That's the one who keeps destroying others?"  Mystick nodded, looking smug.  "Please stop them before we have to hear their clan wailing in misery for decades."  He handed over the warrant, letting him handle it.  That was going to get very messy.  Someone would have to handle some political fall out.

***

Dean took the item the boys had made, setting it on fire after looking it over.  The witch said it'd be fine to do.  Break the link to break the spell.  Xander started to wake up.  So Dean let him sleep and went over the warding marks around the house again.  He looked outside, finding a young hellhound staring at him.  "Shoo," he hissed.

Xander blinked at him.  "Who?"

"Hellhound."

Xander came over to look, letting it sniff him.  It lapped then disappeared.  "They think I taste like candy."  He went back to the couch.  "Thanks, Dean."

"Welcome, Xander.  You rest."  He made sure the house was sealed up before heading back to his apartment.  Sammy was out of the tub, finally, and cooking dinner.  "Xander's fine now."

"Good."  He handed over a plate.  "I was keeping it warm."

"You make a good wife," Dean teased with an evil smirk.

"I might decide to be one some century," Sam said dryly.  "Then you can complain about having a brother-in-law."  He sat down to watch the local and national news while he ate.  Dean came out to eat on the couch too.  "Any new problems?"

"Not yet."

"Good."  They ate, relaxing before they had to restart their second identity as a harmless gun shop owner and a college student tomorrow.

The End.

Table of Contents

Consequences. 2

Aliens?  Really?. 38

Super GHS Xander to the Rescue! 53

Moving Home the Boredom. 215

Rides to the Rescue. 240

Good GHS Boys Get A New Toy. 271