In ages past, Ares had two daughters that were acknowledged by the Gods.  One went on to found a whole race of strong women, women that conquered, raised families, and eventually spread around the world when the world of men in Greece got to them.  The other, she wanted to be a true daughter, marry and have children.  Her father didn't understand.  He did not agree.  He was even charged with killing his daughter's husband.  Though he was punished he felt no compunction about it.  A mere mortal was not for his precious one.  So he carefully chose her husband for her, making his son Cupid infect her with love for him.  He was even good enough to grant him immortality.  Her husband was strong, protective, and loved her for more than who her father was or what he could do for him.  The pair settled near their family to raise their own.  Even when the Gods had to disappear from the Earth so mankind would grow and learn more they brought their beloved family with them.  She waited centuries to have a child.  Until the time was right.

Others were watching.

They wanted the child for what Ares could give them.

That's why they took the son for their own greed and hid him among the mortals.  Far away in both distance and time from his grandfather's nurturing care or protection.  That's also why they gave him ambrosia beforehand and then bound him.  One way or another they'd have a God on their side.

Xander Harris was sixteen.  He hated being sixteen.  His body felt unnatural.  His feet rebelled and tripped him.  His hands seemed to be twice the size they should.  He had zits on his back that drove him nuts because they were in the spot he couldn't scratch without using something that would rip his skin up.  And on top of it, he had been having a lot of headaches recently.  Fortunately, his friend was an amateur witch and very smart in bookish things so she had looked up the cause of the headaches in the medical textbooks her parents had lying around the house.  That's why he was sitting on her bed, feet crossed, elbows on his knees, chin on his joined fists while he watched her read.

"Well, there's three options," she said finally, turning from her desk to look at him.  "You could have a brain tumor."

"It'd almost be welcome if they'd stop," he told her.  "Or?"

"Or, it could be hormonally linked."

He shook his head.  "I was in this growth spurt before my birthday and these started late on my birthday."

"Okay, then the third option is it's a Sunnydale thing.  A spell of some sort.  With how it started it seems more like a spell."  She came over, smiling at him.  "Want me to look?"

"Please.  If not, we can make up some reason for me to find my medical card tomorrow and pretend to go to school while I sneak to the doctor's instead."

She nodded, pulling out what she needed.  She had him sit across from her, taking his hands while she cast the small circle around them.  She focused on him, finding all sorts of things in Xander's aura.  She had done this part before because she had a massive crush on her best friend.  So she wasn't surprised at the riot of colors he housed and put off.  This time she was looking for something magical. A marking.  A hidden bit of magic.  A bracelet on his left wrist.  An earring on his left ear.  She looked over the rest of him.  There was an anklet but for some reason she didn't want to touch that.  It felt protective to her.  She took off the cuff on his left wrist, and it unhid something around his waist.  She reached around him to undo it, making them both blush because she was snuggled into his chest for a few seconds.  It came off and he yelped so she took his hands to let him get rid of it.  It turned out to be wrapped around his crotch like a diaper would have been.  Or like it would have covered a diaper.  "Maybe that's why you like such baggy clothes," she teased.

"Maybe."  He tossed it outside of their area.  The cuff went too.  He felt along his neck.  "There's something here."

"Well, there is, but I think I have to remove something else first."  She was nearly blinded by an evil looking mark on his chest.  "Shirt off and it's going to hurt."

"Why?"  He did that for her.

She let him see the mark while she got her atheme, the knife she used in rituals.  He winced but grabbed his thighs while she carefully cut around it.  She kept her knife sharp.  Well, he kept her knife sharp for her.  They had recently found out about the strange things that went on around them and since they had to hunt vampires before they were eaten he made sure her weapons were the best they could possibly be.  She finally got the area around it cut and then worked the knife underneath the spot to cut the flap off.  He was hissing and bleeding but she couldn't help it.  When it was gone a few other things appeared.  She took off the earring and put it aside in a different spot.  That one felt like the anklet to her.

She took off the wide band at his throat.  The other cuff.  Both armbands around his biceps.  The one around his thigh she unhid and she let him go down his pants to get off his upper thigh.  While down there he felt something and took off the cockring he was also apparently wearing.  Then she looked him over.  Just one more and it was certainly magical.  She stood up, looking at his hair.  Overtop of the fine black hair was a mesh of magic and glittering points.  She found an edge and carefully peeled it up.  She knew tearing it would mean she'd have to start over again. The others would fly up and remesh with his body and aura.  She finally got it undone and looked at his back, following it down to peel it off his skin.  "Hey, where the lines cover is where you keep getting those annoying back zits."

"Good to know.  Magical whatevers are the cause of my acne," he said sarcastically.  He let her work.  The webbing ended just above the crack of his ass.  It joined the other things on the ground and he groaned, grabbing his stomach.  "Willow!" he said, clutching her hand.

"Shh.  It's your natural being flowing back in, Xander."  She sat down in front of him, taking his hands to chant something to calm him.  The small sleep spell put him out and she made sure he stayed inside her circle but away from all those things.  She put back on the earring, watching as his pain eased.  She left him in there while she went to box up the other stuff, sealing it with tape and tossing it into her closet.  Something odd was going on and she wanted to research those things first.  She turned around, finding Xander floating slightly above the floor.  She gaped.  "Oh, damn," she said in awe.  All across his back were golden lines of symbols she was slowly learning was Ancient Greek writing.  She quickly took a picture of it, hoping the digital camera captured it.  Then she took one of his earring and the anklet.   She sent up a silent prayer for understanding.  Her Goddess Hecate would surely know and stranger things had happened in Sunnydale than an ancient Goddess granting information.

An older woman appeared, looking at the boy.  "How did you get here?" she asked, smirking at the sleeping boy.  She looked at her witch.  "Good job."

"Thank you.  Um, are you Hecate?"

"No, child.  I'm not."  She raised a hand and Willow screamed a prayer at her goddess to protect Xander while she worked up some of her own magic.  She knew it was futile. The person was very clearly stronger than she was but she wasn't going to let her hurt him.  "Do not," she joked.

Willow grabbed the anklet for some reason.  Something in her mind screamed at her to do that.  She grabbed it, the blood on her hands from the removal of that mark hitting the symbols on it.  A bright flash happened and then a middle aged woman screamed at the heavens.

"FATHER!  I FOUND HIM!  HE'S IN DANGER!"

A bearded man in black leather vest and pants appeared, sword in hand, sneer in place.  "Who are you to touch my grandson?" he asked the other woman.

"He's ours.  We had him raised," she sneered back.

"Yeah," Willow snorted.  "By alchie parents who couldn't care less about him."  The woman sneered at her.  "Oh, please!  I've seen better sneers on vampires we've turned to dust.  I've seen better sneers on little girls in the mall."  The woman growled and raised a hand at her.  Light formed but a body knocked into her before it was released.

"Ya called?" the pouncing body asked, standing up and looking down at her broken body.  "Good."  He spit on her.  He looked at the floating boy.  "Usually we need wings ta do that," he said dryly.

"Could be the stuff I removed from him," Willow offered, pointing at the box.  "Or the fact I've got him inside my protection circle.  Who are you?"

The bearded man looked at her.  "I'm Ares."

"Oh."  She considered that.  "Did Hecate send you?"

"No, the blood on his protections did," he admitted.

"Then she's the one who told me to grab his ankle."  She just nodded.  "Okay.  Can I help more?  I've already removed a ton of crap from his body."

The other woman blinked at her. "Who are you?"

"Willow Rosenburg."

"Um...." she said, looking at her father.  "Dad?"

"I don't know either," he admitted.   "Hecate!" he bellowed, blocking the rest of the house from hearing them.  Two women appeared.  "Mother.  Look who she just freed.  She's yours, Hecate?"

"She is," she agreed, knocking her out.  "She's more curious than any cat Gaia ever owned too.  Doing good work here on the hellmouth."  Ares growled.  She smirked at him.  "He works with a slayer too, Ares."  She uncast her follower's circle, letting the boy be caught before he floated to the ceiling.  "Better."  She looked at the pouncer.  "Strife."

"Morning, Auntie," he said with a smirk.  "She said she pulled crap offa him."  He pointed at the box.  "It's in there."  She went to look while he pulled some cuffs from Ares' armory, putting them on the foreign Goddess.  "All yours, Hera."

"Thank you.  Are you sure this is your missing grandson, Ares?"  He showed her the anklet Hephaestus had made for his grandson for his birthing present, one that would protect him and call to his family if he was in danger.  "Very well then.  We'll remove this back to Olympus before we infect the mortals.  What do we do with the witch?"

"I'll block these memories," Hecate promised.  She bent to adjust her memories so she'd know that she had treated his headaches and that he'd be skipping the next few days by their agreement.  Then they took the sleeping boy with them.  She appeared in front of Zeus.  "The lost Grandson of War has been found.  He was in the middle of breaking out of his childhood shell and protections."  She dropped the box of hiding bands and the camera.

Ares and Strife appeared with the precious body between them, his mother behind him.  Hera and their prisoner appeared together and she dropped her, walking back to her throne.  "He was on the hellmouth.  We'll need Apollo or Asclepias to check him over," Ares said calmly.  Inside he was fuming and seething.  Somewhere a war was getting bloodier than it had to be.

Zeus came down to look at the boy.  "He looks much like his father.  I see the Fates marked him as well."  He read the words on his back.  "Fates!" he bellowed to summon them.  They appeared.  "Must you do this to his grandson?"

One gave him a look.  "He is the lynchpin to the hellmouth staying closed for good," one told him.  "He will not die from it."  That got a nod from him and Ares glaring at them. They shrank back.

"He was doing so before he broke out of his powers," Clotho assured him.  "He volunteered by no fault of ours."

"Him being there was enough for our woven future when they dropped him off," Lachesis agreed.

Atropos straightened herself out.  "He could use some training," she said grimly.  "He trips often.  He'll start getting injured soon."

"He's a teenager.  He's in the middle of a growth spurt.  Of course he trips.  Even I did.  Even Apollo tripped, not that he'll admit it."

"Whatever," Atropos told him.  "Make sure he lives.  We need him to live."  He pointed at the bound body.  "No wonder.  They'd have a God with them one way or another."  They disappeared.

"APOLLO!" Ares yelled.  "GET YOUR ASS HERE NOW!"  A bright flash happened a nanosecond after he finished.  "My grandson was stored on the hellmouth, had binding objects on his body, and still won't wake up."

Apollo looked at him.  Then at the napping, floating body.  "Usually you guys need wings for that."  He came over to look him over, finding something that hadn't been found or removed. It was Godly and only one of them could do that.  "Hecate?"  She came to look, taking off the chestplate and collar he was wearing.  His dark gray wings unfurled and the boy sighed in pleasure, getting off in his sleep.  "Well, he works.  He's fully one of us too."  He checked him over.  "He's fully tainted too.  He and Hades are gonna be great buds."  He checked everything he could, then looked at him.  "Who had him?"

"The witch who uncovered him said his parents were alcoholics," Ares said grimly.

"Yeah, and it's really apparent the boy needs to eat, he's got scars, and he's limping on his bound ankle because he tripped and fell earlier."  Ares groaned.  "Go for it.  Blow off some stress."

"In a few minutes," Zeus told them.  "Is he healthy?"

"The hellmouth's energy has warped his natural one," Apollo told him.  "Originally he was meant to be an immortal or possibly the God of Scribes.  Specifically making sure those who wrote war stories got it right."  Ares nodded that he knew that.  "Now... well, he's somewhere between Ares and Hades' jobs."  Zeus moaned and went back to his seat. "He's also a full God."  He looked at Ares.  "He'll do."

"He will.  Thank you.  Healthy otherwise?"

Apollo nodded.  "Fully.  A bit banged up.  He tripped earlier and there's some ash in one of the scrapes.  I'm guessing he was hunting or fell into a fireplace."

"He's on the hellmouth hunting with a slayer," Hecate told him.  "Would weapons do it for him?  He's very good with them from what I'm starting to see."

Apollo looked then nodded.  "Quite possibly."  He grinned at the ruling couple on their thrones.  "It'll go and he's still one of us."

"There's no way he can live with us," Hera said coolly.

"No, he's not meant to," Ares told her.  "He was meant to be down there and the Fates just said so.  Though I'm not going to let you bind him back up."  Hecate called Hephaestus to handle the binding objects.  "Who else?"

"It looks like some of the smaller cult deities did it to gain power," Hephaestus said, coming over to check the anklet, wiping the blood off his symbols.  Ares calmed down at that.  "Apollo, can you heal his chest?"

"I can."  He healed the cut, smiling when a tattoo came up.  "Huh."  He sent another burst of healing energy through him, uncovering the rest of the natal bound picture.  Ares smiled at the dragon and fire motif.  It was very his. The large silver dragon had a sword in one paw and a long tube held in his curled tail.  The fire it was apparently fighting was along his right side, curled around it.  The dragon curled around his left and up his side and chest to his armpit.  His back held only one up his spine - a black sword.  "Ares, feel this."

Ares ran a hand over it.  "When he's fully grown it's his symbol of power," he said happily.  The Fates were really on the ball this time.  He found another one around his anklet.  More fire but this time it was caressing the silver Hephaestus had created it with.  That got a smile from his brothers.  "Well."

"Very," Apollo agreed.

"Father, must my son fight?" his mother asked quietly.

He looked at her.  "The Fates said he made that choice without anyone's intervention," he reminded her gravely.  "We can protect him."  She nodded, slumping some.   "We will be seeing him trained so he survives.  That way you can get to know him and bake him cookies."  She smiled and hugged him, going to tell her husband so he could come up and meet his son if he ever woke up.  Ares looked at Apollo.  "Why is he still asleep?"

"He's got power exhaustion.  His natal powers were helping her uncover him."  He shrugged.  "Feed the boy.  He's a teenager.  Just like Cupid was when he was younger."  He disappeared.  He wasn't on the Council of Justice.  He could kick back at his temple and watch the fireworks of Ares' temper from a safer distance.  Unless that Goddess got help or escaped, then he'd have to help.  Though he doubted she'd get very far.  Even the gentle, sweet daughter that used to play with Gaia's flowers and nurse the kittens that the Dogs of War found and carried around as toys was going to kill her if she got free.  Her temper showed who her father was very well when it was let loose.

Zeus looked at Ares.  "This does put us in a bad spot.  We all agreed to pull away from the mortals so they could grow and learn."

"He's a unique circumstance and the Fates said so," Hecate reminded him.  She looked at Ares.  "They bound him as a slave to their powers, Ares.  He's very lucky she got them free. Especially the binding webbing."

He looked then at Hephaestus.  "Need scrap metal?"

"I could always use more," he agreed, looking at it.  "I know Brigid created them.  She was conned into it by someone.  She was drunk a few centuries back when she told me about it."  He looked at his parents.  "With your leave, I'll take this back with me and summon her to help me destroy it, before it's used on someone else."  They nodded and he did that.  She joined him in his cave on Lemnos, swearing at what he showed her.  "It was on the Grandson of Ares."  They got to work together.

Ares cleared his throat when the worried father showed up.  "Less volume to the fussing," he said at his mother's wail.  "He's got power exhaustion according to Apollo."  He looked at Zeus.  "We can ask the Fates what he'll be over now.  Or we can work it out with Hades."

"He hasn't spoken to us since the last plague took his granddaughter," Hera reminded him.

Ares concentrated, looking off to the left side of the audience chamber.  Poseidon showed up.  "Why are you here?"

"He's been part of my realm a few times."  He looked at the boy then smiled.  "He'll be a good swimmer."  He looked at Ares, clapping him on the back.  "Congratulations."

"Thank you.  Hades, if I have to pull you out of Tartarus you won't be happy," he warned.  He appeared in a dull flash of black light.  He got out of the way.   "Apollo said he's hung between us instead of where he was supposed to be.  He's on a hellmouth helping a slayer and he'll have to go back at least part of the time."

Hades gave him a horrified look.  "That's the one who's been sending me bodies!"

"Apparently," Ares said smugly.  "He any good?"

"Now and then."  He came over to look at him.  "'Sephie will fuss over you," he said with a fond smile.  He checked him over.  "He'll be over weapons," he agreed.  "That's between death and war."  He looked at Ares.  "You can agree or not."

"I can agree to that as long as you don't mind me training him."

"Not a problem with me.  A few of them have complained that they were watching the wrong person on the hunting team.  The slayer's flashy, he's a jump in sort.  Fair warning."

"Gee, thanks."  He looked at the tattoo on his chest then at him.  "Who's the fire?"

He ran a hand over it.  "Some ancient enemies.  He is our weapon and the way we can help the mortals survive this age of danger."  Zeus whimpered.  "Tough," he sneered.  He looked at Ares.  "Get him trained.  One said he tripped and killed him by accident."

"I plan on it."  His son-in-law gave him a long look.  "Talk to the Fates, they said he had to go back to hold the hellmouth closed."  He went to storm in on them and demand to have his son back.  He looked at Hades.  Then at Poseidon.  "Do we have any qualms about confirming him?  He's mid-break out anyway."

Poseidon shook his head.  "It'll help his headache and it'll keep him safer.  Make it so he's fully grown into them, he only has to call upon his powers to activate the last inch of it."

"Agreed," Hades told him.  "With that we can help him."  The boy yawned and blinked at him.  "Nap, Alexander."

"Fuck off," he muttered.  "Hate that name."  He fell back asleep, rolling onto his other side in the air.   Then he woke up and fell to the ground with a yelp.  "What the hell!" he demanded, bouncing to his feet.  He looked around.  "I don't care what you do to me, I'm not giving up Buffy."

"Good," Ares told him.

The boy glared at him.  "You can torture me but they'll still avenge me.  You won't win against her."

"Uh-huh," Ares agreed.

The boy looked confused. "Usually demons brag by now."

"I'm not a demon, I'm a God," he informed him.

Xander looked very confused.  "You're a what?  God is a myth.  Willow said so."

Ares burst out laughing.  "It'll be all right, Grandson."  The confused look got worse.  "Your mother had that look whenever she woke up."  She sniffled, then burst out crying.  "Quit," Ares ordered.  He rolled his eyes.

"You don't yell at a crying woman!  They hit you and cry more!" Xander complained, giving her a hug.  "It's all right.  You don't have to cry.  Whatever reason you're crying for can be fixed if they're really Gods.  That's why people have faith."  She gave him a hug, making him wince.  "Ow."  He looked down at himself.  "I got a tattoo?  Was I drunk?  Is this Mexico and some funny tequila dream?  Or maybe one too many tripping and fallings into a headstone?"

Ares shook his head.  "No, it's not.  You're not drunk.  It's not Mexico.  That was formed when you were born, Alexander."  The boy scowled at him.  He stared him down and the boy only snorted and rolled his eyes.  "That is your natal name."

"Yes, I hear it slurred now and then when someone's mad that I didn't buy more booze," Xander told him.  "If you're really not a hallucination of some sort, try Xander.  If you are, try Xander anyway."

"Fine, Xander," Ares said patiently.  He could hear Strife cackling in a dark corner and zapped him.  "Quit!  Go do something useful and watch the town for me."  He disappeared.  He looked at Hades.  "Well, now we know."

"Now we know," he agreed.  "Xander, I'm Hades, God of the Underworld and your great uncle.  I'm an Uncle of Ares, your grandfather," he said when the confused look returned.  The boy slowly shook his head.  He nodded, smirking some.  "I am."

"You're really a myth."

"I'm not and you've been giving me work again, nephew."

"How?"

"Staking things, Xander."

"Oh.  Sorry.  I think.  Maybe.  I kinda have to now and then so sorry about the interrupting the vacation stuff but won't stop anytime soon probably.  There's too many to run out totally."

"I don't mind."

"Oh, good.  Then expect more.  We've got a major battle coming up soon."  That got a nod of understanding.  He felt something move and looked behind him.  "What the fuck?"  His mother swatted him, making him duck and scowl at her.  "Who're you?  Not hitting!"  He looked at his wings again, turning around trying to get a better view of them.  "When did I get you?  Are you why I had the headache?"  Hades caught one and held it for him to get a look at the edge at least.

"Your powers were coming out, that's why you had the headache," Hera told him.  "The wings mark your lineage."

"Huh?  Big words bad."

"I'm the prince up here, you're my grandson," Ares told him dryly.

"Oh, okay.  So why do I have wings if you don't?"

"My son does," he told him.  "Cupid?"  He showed up.  "See, wings."

"Pretty wings.  Mine are dingy and yours are much prettier."

Cupid smiled. "Thank you.  Pops?"

"This is Xander,  your nephew."

"Oh, wicked cool!  We've been waiting nearly forever to get you back, dude."  He gave him a hug.  The wings twitched.  "That itchy feeling means you need preened.  C'mon, I'll show you while the adults talk things to death.  Pops can find you at my place."  That got a nod and Xander looked at Ares, who nodded for him to go.  He followed Cupid out.  "I can even teach you how to coast and fly too, Xander.  It's pretty cool.  Strife loves to go for flies."

"You mean they work?"  If they worked then maybe that whole 'Gods' thing would be real too.  Because only Gods had working wings that held up people, right?

Cupid flapped his and floated up a few feet.  "Mine do," he said smugly.  He landed.  "We'll teach you how to use yours."

"Okay.  It'll be a good thing I guess.  I'm still confused."

"I know, dude.  We'll get you some caffeine and it'll be better."

"I bounce," he warned.

"So does Strife.  We can manage his, we can manage yours.  Plus, hey, my son's probably flying around the house.  I was trying to get him into a bath when Pops called."  He walked him back to his temple, showing him around Mount Olympus.  The boy knew their names from mythology but almost nothing else.  It was a good place to start since some myths got things wrong.  Some things they got *very* wrong.

***

Xander finally met his cousin, blinking at him since he was hanging upside down above his bed that night.  "How do you do that?"

"I'm floating," Strife said smugly.  "You'll learn."

"If you're sure."  He sat up, staring at his upside down cousin.  "So, are you going to teach me too and are you the reason why I nearly dated Ampata?"

"Nope and if Cupie said I was I'm gonna pluck me some feathers."  He popped out and then onto the bed facing him, wearing pink and green plaid pajama pants and a tank top.  "Better?"

"A bit.  You were giving me a worse headache, kinda."

"I give many headaches.  It's a calling," he said smugly.

"I bet.  Will I have that sort of calling?"

"Nope."  He got a smile for that.  "You do it naturally."  Xander laughed and nodded.  "Good.  Now, three things.  You can't tell anyone.  We pulled back so the mortals could move on."

"I got told that.  Not even Giles?  That way he knows where I can help Buffy?"

"Not anyone."

"What about Willow?"

"Hecate dealt with her memories.  It's also how you're skippin' for a few days and she'll cover."  That got a nod.  "Because I can hear you thinking about it, you're safe at home now.  Ares went ta do some anger management on 'em."

"They tried."

"Not very hard," Strife assured him.  "Don't even try ta minimize it.  It won't work, he'll get frustrated.  He doesn't understand why people would protect those sort, even if they did try.  I do it to my Ma and he doesn't get it either."  Xander slumped but nodded.  "The second thing?  You can't show off to get broads."

"I'm not sure I like girls.  Girls so far are evil.  One tried to have me used as fertilizer and food.  The other one nearly killed me and my friends."

"Not like we care, Xan.  As long as it's not kids."  Xander shuddered.  "Or Hera's peacocks.  She does get a bit pissed."  Xander shuddered harder.  "Good!  Then it'll be fine.  Third, we gotta find a way to get one of us nearer to you to work on your training without letting the mortals know."

"The obvious way would be using the suddenly missing 'rents."  He considered it.  "If they're still living, having them arrested for kidnaping me, if they did, or whatever, and having my so-called real parents there would help."  He looked at him.  "Who's my grandmother?  I don't know much about mythology."

Strife smirked.  "A muse.  Pissed 'Pol off to no end that Unc took his funtime playmate."

"Which one?"

"The muse 'a dance.  Terpsichore.  Ares decided it's make you better on your feet with a sword."

"Okay.  Am I going to meet her too?"

"She'll pounce with cookies tomorrow.  Her and your Ma both."  He yawned and stretched out, making Xander lay down again.  "There, better.  Time for a nap."

"Um....  I'm not sure I'm ready for thoughts about guys or girls yet.  I'm still confused about why girls want to kill me."

"They were both looking for power," Strife told him. "Relax, I don't molest anyone but Cupie in his sleep."  That got a grin and Xander settled in to look at him.  He snapped his fingers and Xander's breath was minitier fresh.  "There, no more anchovies."

"Sorry."

"Not an issue.  I did the same thing ta Unc a few times."  He gave him a hug.  "Relax, Xander.  It'll be okay.  We'll get you used to us."  That got a grin and a nod.  "Then we'll work on your training so you don't trip no more."  He kissed him on the forehead.  "Sleep, cousin mine.  I'll watch out for ya."

"Are we expecting another attack?"

"I always expect one and I can also make sure you don't get off and paint Olympus pretty colors while you sleep.  Cupie did a few times before we figured out I wear those out since I'm over mischief."  Xander beamed and hugged him again, settling in facing away from him to go back to sleep.  Strife smiled at the young man's back.  He was cute, but Cupid was cuter and would castrate him if he molested his cousin tonight.  Maybe once he was more used to 'em he'd offer but not yet.  He still had to get Cupid to straighten out his love life by placing some injunctions.  He sent the thought Xander had to Ares so he could work on that.  It was a workable plan and Sunnydale would get used to it.  Besides, they could use it to keep some of the hell down.  Literally.

***

Xander came back his first day.  He was still ungainly but he had learned how to hide his wings and aura.  Plus to hide his godliness from Willow if she called up his true aura to look at it.   He was walked into school by one of his many cousins, this one an immortal.  "Principal in?" Xander asked.  "He's got paperwork for him."

"He's fuming by Chemistry, Xander.  Are you going to hand in your doctor's excuse?"

The other man gave him a look, pulling out his Federal ID.  "We had him."  She went pale.  "He's a kidnaping victim."  He walked the boy out, letting him lead the way to Chemistry and the small siting area near there.  "Principal Snyder?" he asked.  The man spun and glared at him.  He flashed his badge.  "Special Agent Tony DiNozzo, NCIS."

"You're a Fed?" he sneered, glaring at Xander. "What did you do?  I'll have the paperwork for your expulsion within minutes so we can all watch as they drag you out of here sobbing in misery for the future prison sex you'll be having."

"He was kidnaped," he said blandly.  "It's my case because he's my cousin.  We just found him and arrested his kidnapers."  The principal gaped in horror.  "The Harris' were the ones who took him from his natal family.  They're on their way out because they don't think moving him so far into the school year will help him.  Can we speak?"

"My office," he agreed coolly.  "He knows the way."  Xander nodded, leading him back there.  He took a deep breath and called someone. "Harris showed back up," he said quietly as he stomped that way. "With a federal agent in tow.  He was kidnaped?"  He hung up and went into his office.  "What's going on?"

"I'm here to return Xander, to make his absence excused, and to give you new contact information."  He handed over a file.  "For the school's records this is a minor amount of information you may need if something happens."

"When was he taken?"

"He was barely four months old," Tony told him.  Xander looked at him.  "You were."

"I thought Dad said I was closer to six months."

"I got told four.  With the family, it's a matter of opinion sometimes.  You know some of them are a bit odd."

"Well, yeah," he agreed.  "Putting it mildly."  He looked at the principal.  "My real parents are going to show up in town and set up a house for at least the rest of this year.   I may have other relatives who pop up to see me now and then but they all know not to bother me here.  I know it'd annoy you."

"Not like it matters with your grades," he sneered.

"Really?  And yet one of his many cousins teaches science and math in a very exclusive preparatory academy."  The principal went pale.  "They're trying to get him into there but it'll take the rest of the year."

"I still might need to be here," Xander said gently.

"They know."  He grinned at him then at the odious little man.  "So for now, I'm going to be with Xander today to make sure there's no repercussions.  We spent the last few days with his parents and they should be settling in within a week.  I know they've found a rental house.  Of course I'm going to be one of the nosy relatives who pops around."  This was really more of a 'bother him again and I'll make you suffer' talk done subtly but he knew the man understood very well.  He could see it in his eyes.  "Also, you should know that Xander's father is a very well known fencer in some circles.  I'm sure he and Xander will be working out together.  His father was wondering if that would qualify him to get out of gym?"  Snyder shook his head.  "I do know some do and some don't so he wanted to have that asked.  Also he wanted to ask that you be a bit lenient with Xander.  He's still getting over the psychological shock of finding out he's not a Harris by birth.  There's going to be a lot of long talks with his family until he's comfortable with them.  Many of us will be helping him with his schoolwork as well."

"It can only help since he's got a D average," Snyder said dryly.   "I'll make sure the other teachers know what's been going on.  You don't have to stay today."

"Yes I do.  My boss said so.  Only our director, the Secretary of the Navy, or the president countermand him."  That got a gape.  Tony shrugged casually and smirked.  "I'm the senior agent on the top team in the country for major crimes involving Marine and Navy personnel, Principal.  My lead agent is only overruled by the President, Secretary of the Navy, or our director.  That and him being my cousin is why *I* was sent."

"That's fine.  Don't interrupt the education going on."

"Not a problem."  The bell rung.  "I know we have to redo some paperwork.  Can we do that while he skips home room?"

"You can."  He went to get it, bringing it back.  "There."

"Thank you.  Have a better day."

"Whatever."  He stomped off, going to terrorize others to make himself feel better.

Tony filled out the paperwork and smiled at Xander, winking a bit.  "C'mon.  We'll hit your locker."

"I hate school."

"Yay. You still have to do it.  You know your grandfather would freak."  He stood up, walking Xander out.  "Here you go," he said with a charming smile for the secretary.   Xander handed over the information file as well.  "That too please.  It's about the case against his parents."

"Oh, dear.  What happened?"

"I was taken when I was a baby," Xander told her.  "The Harris' aren't mine.  It explains why I can't stand the smell of alcohol."

She smiled.  "Then I hope you get along well with the others, Xander."  He beamed and walked out with Tony, showing him where his locker was and how messy it was inside.  She made a note for the home room teacher and sent it to her with her punishment student at the start of the next period.  She went around to the other teachers too.

***

Xander walked Tony into the library at lunch. "I'm back!" he yelled.

"Xander, you are a bit too loud," Giles complained from the office, coming out.  He blinked at Tony.  "Officer."

"Special Agent," he corrected, shaking his hand.  "DiNozzo, NCIS.  Xander's my cousin.  We found his kidnapers finally.  His real parents are moving into town to be with him in a few days."

"Excuse me?" he asked, looking at Xander.

"The Harris' stole me when I was a baby."

"Oh, dear."  He led them to the table and sat down, smiling when Willow squealed and rushed in to hug him. "Didn't see him earlier?"

"I'm just now getting here with Buffy, Giles.  We had a late night."  She smiled at Tony.  "Thank you for bringing him back."

"Always happy to help.  His real parents are going to be here very shortly."

"Wow."  She smiled at Buffy.  "Did I tell you Xander was stolen?"

"You babbled that at me last night," she admitted, waving at the other guy.  "Staying long?"

"Today.  I'll leave tonight."  That got a smile and a nod.  "I'm here to make sure Xander doesn't have a problem with any of the teachers or the local administration."

"So I take it you saw the troll?" Buffy asked dryly.

"First thing.  He curdled breakfast."  She snickered, punching him on the arm before hugging Xander.  He looked at Giles.  "Xander was four months old when he was stolen.  We have no idea why they wanted him.  There were easier ways to get what they wanted and they never told us who had him so we could negotiate with him."  Giles looked confused.

"Tony's my cousin too, Giles.  That's why they sent him with me."

"Oh, that's fine."  He smiled at him. "So someone in his family will be here shortly?"

"Within a week we think.  They're setting up a place to live and nurture him from long distance today."

"That's reasonable.  I can certainly let him off some of his duties here to catch up with them."

Xander snorted. "My father's vowed to teach me fencing after I tripped over him the third time.  He said it'll help with the growth spurts."

"As it did me," Giles admitted with a smile.  "I look forward to meeting them, Xander.  Now, shouldn't you be eating lunch?"

"I got him something out of the machine.  Lunch looked like hamster food and pig slop," Tony told him.

"It usually does," Willow agreed grimly.  "Snyder likes to make fun of us when we pass out from hunger."

"That man needs to go," Tony said dryly.  "Well, it's something for your mother to work on, Xander.  Beyond fussing over you and making you wear clothes that match."  Xander stuck his tongue out at him.  Tony smirked at him. "Keep it up.  Grandfather told you what he'd do the next time you did that to him."

Xander shuddered.  Ares had threatened to use an old rusty iron spike to pierce his tongue the last time he had done it and he had been getting ready to do it too.  "Think Erin will come down?"

"I think he'll be down if he can," Tony offered.  "I know his mother gets a rush being this close to the chaos."  Their Aunt Discord's only American temple was in Hollywood with many prayers to keep the discord and mischief down.  "We'll have to see who shows up now and then.  They'll mostly all pop in and out on you."

"It'll be nice to have a supporting family."  Strife had made sure he knew that he would have one now, and they were all nosy about things.  A stunning brunette woman walked in wearing a leopard print wrap dress and low heels.  "I know you're a relative but I don't know which one."

"I'm your Auntie Artie, Xander."  She gave him a hug.  "I was off on a hunt in India when you were found."  She looked him over.  "You do take after your grandfather instead of grandmother."  She smiled.  "Come, let's talk."

"It's the school day," Willow said, frowning at her.  "He's got bad enough grades."

She snorted. "We'll help him with that, dear."  She stared her down.  Willow instinctively backed down.  "Good girl.  I'll have him back after next period.  I've already cleared it with the principal or whoever that annoying penis zit in the office was."  She pulled Xander up.  "Come on, dear."

"Okay.  Can we get me another soda?"

"Sure."  She walked him out, letting him get one while they went outside to talk.  She smiled.  "You do know me?"

"Artemis?" he guessed.  She smiled and nodded.  "Are you over Buffy?" he asked quietly.

"No, she's under Athena," she said with a gentle smile.  "You seem to be tainted to my area however."  She ran a hand over his head.  It'd look like smoothing down his hair to anyone watching.  "Ah, a hyena.  Very protective of her pack, Xander."  He nodded, sipping his soda, walking her to a bench and sitting down with her.  "Once you've finished your beginning training I'll teach you how to use a bow," she said gently.  "Ares and Hades decided you'd be getting some weapons training and around here that's a practical one."  He grinned and nodded.  "Good boy."  She smoothed over his hair again.  "How has today went?"

"Most everyone's stared at Tony and he's talked up a few different careers when asked.  They've been treating him like a show and tell."  He took another drink.  "Penis zit?"

"He is.  Or perhaps the offput from a disease cursed by Aphrodite."  Xander giggled at that, leaning on her shoulder.  "Good boy."  She punched him on the arm.  "We'll have you as strong as your aunt in no time."

"I have an aunt?"

"She was the leader of my Amazons, Xander."  He gave her a look.  "It'll help you with Buffy."

"Chocolate and shoe shopping does that."

Artemis rolled her eyes.  "I know she's not one of mine."  He nodded.  "Good.  Now, do any of your classes impact my areas?"

"I'm in biology.   We were doing fish last time I knew."

"That's more Poseidon.  We'll figure out what else I can help you with since I'm about bored."  She kissed him on the head.  "Be a good nephew and try in class.  Athena will appreciate it even if you don't understand.  She's a bit fussy, just humor her, Xander.  It'll make it easier."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good boy.  You'll see me in a few weekends.  Now, I was hunting down a rogue, diseased elephant before it gored another child.  You be a good boy."  She walked off and disappeared once she was out of sight.

Xander finished his soda on his way back to the library to pick up Tony for class.  "Sorry, my Aunt Artie stopped in to tell me how to deal with another aunt."  He grinned at the teacher.  "This is Tony."

"I've heard many good things about you," she said, shaking his hand.  "Xander, test?"

He groaned, taking it to try it.  Not like he had been studying history.

***

Xander looked around his parents' new house, whistling at the spacious interior.  It was much nicer than the outside.  "Wow."

"Very," she said with a smug look.  "Dad decided I needed spoiled."  She walked him around to show him where everything is.  "This is the sitting room.  And this is the library and computer room.  You can borrow mine."

"I suck at computer stuff."

"We'll teach you," she promised with a wink.

He looked at her.  "What happens if I still suck?"

"Then we'll accept it."  He nodded, liking that answer.  "Even if you can't fence or fight with a sword, though you do need to learn since it's part of your future calling."  He nodded, letting her walk him off.  "Did you want to stay at that house or here, Xander?"

"I should probably stay here for appearance's sake."

"You should," she agreed happily.  She led him to his room.  "This is your room, Xander. All yours.  You have your own bathroom and don't worry if you come in late from hunting.  Someone's always up."  He gave her a sheepish look.  "I know you were sneaking in before.  Hermes can teach you how to do that better."  She winked and let him look in his closet.  "Yes, I put in *real* clothes.  Don't complain."

"I look like a dork in leather, Mom."

"So?" she snorted. "It's a family trait.  Either that or you have to wear a kilt, like Cupid does."  He shook his head quickly.  "The girls might like it," she teased.

"Then the next one might kill me too," he said dryly, giving her a look.  "Jeans?"

"You can bring yours and we'll show you how to integrate it so you don't look like a loud, patterned, walking advertisement for bad fashion.  Before you ask, yes, Aphrodite did teach me how to dress."

"Does that mean you wear the barely there nighties all the time?"

"Dad threw a fit the first time I tried," she said, giggling a bit.  "The look before he bellowed at her was really funny."  She called up a portal to show him.  He giggled at the look on Ares' face too.  "She liked to do that to him."

"She tried to get me into lounging jammies.  He was not amused."

"No, he probably wasn't.  Go ahead and let your wings out in here, Xander."  He took off his shirt and did that with a sigh of pleasure.  "You don't have to hide them in here unless we have company."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "Hungry?  I was making lunch."  He followed her down to the kitchen and ignored the larger library full of books.  He didn't like books that much.  Giles made him work with books too.  The research was the part of hunting he hated.  She made him a big plate of pasta and vegetables, handing it over with some milk.  He settled in at the table in there with her.  "You'll have to eat ambrosia now and then too, Xander."

"I heard.  It tastes nasty."

"It does," she agreed.  "But we all have to choke it down."

"Can I mix it into stuff, like ice cream?"

"I do.  Just don't let Zeus see you do it.  He's a bit fussy about that."  Xander snorted.  "And other things," she agreed dryly.  "Eat."  He dug in and ate like he was starved.  "What did you have for lunch at school?"

"Two granola bars and two sodas.  Aunt Artemis showed up again too."

"Good!  We were wondering where she was."

"Still hunting a diseased elephant who hurt a kid."

"Makes sense to me."  She got up to get him seconds and more milk, then came back to her lunch.  Someone pounded on the door so she called his shirt for him, handing it over before going to answer the door.  "Yes?" she asked the woman standing there.

"I'm with the Department of Welfare, ma'am."

She let her inside.  "Coming to make sure this house is better for Xander?"

"I am.  The principal has reported he can't find you in any records search."

She smirked.  "My husband's Greek.  We've been over there for a while.  We retreated back to the family's lands when we didn't have any luck finding our son for a few years."

"That's fine.  Where might the boy be?"

"In the kitchen.  Apparently the school's lunch was less than adequate."

"Not edible," Xander told her as the new person walked in.  "Hi, Miss Gloria."

"Xander."  She kissed him on the head.  "It's already bigger."

"I've got my own suite with my own bathroom."  He led her up to it, letting her see the room but closing the closet doors.  She gave him a look.  "My grandfather gave me a pair of leather pants."

She rolled her eyes.  "Some grandparents do spoil."  She looked at him.  "Do you want to stay here?"

"I think I'd like to try," he admitted.

"That's fine then, Xander.  I'll make notes in your new file.  Your parents' file was closed out and their fate put into it."  He nodded.  "Good boy."  She patted him on the cheek.  "How's school?"

"It'd be better if Snyder wasn't in charge.  He's been trying to use this to intimidate me.  I almost lost my temper the last time," he admitted honestly, staring at her.  "He nearly got hurt for it."  Strife had made sure his temper hadn't come out to make him a very painful lesson in why you left him alone when he was in a bad mood.

"I'll have a talk with the school board about him," she promised.  "Now, anything else?"  He shook his head.  "Do you want me to talk to your mother about your medical card?  You're still entitled to it for another few months probably.  We'd have to investigate their funds."

"They've got money and one of my uncles is a doctor."

"Good."  She gave him another hug.  "I'll put in that you're happy staying here with them.  You come to me if you need help adjusting, all right?  We've got a good few counselors who work with the kids we've adopted out."  He nodded at that.  "Good boy."  She left, smiling at the mother on the way out.  "Xander is on a medical card and may still be eligible until the paperwork's completely done."

"We have an uncle who's a doctor and he's already seen him," she promised gently.  That earned a smile. "Thank you but we won't need more help from the state.  We're more than able to help him with whatever he needs."

"Good.  Let me know if there's any problems.  As I told him we do have a few counselors who work with newly adopted children and it could be the same sort of issues."

"I'll remember that.  Thank you."  She shook her hand and watched her go.  Another woman met her outside on the sidewalk and said something, getting a smile from the new woman.  She came up.  "Yes?"

"I'm Buffy's mother Joyce.  I wanted to meet you and make sure you were going to be better to Xander than his last ones."

She beamed.  "Excellent.  Xander, Joyce is here?"  He came jogging down the stairs.  "Don't run, dear, you'll trip again."  He quit running and came to hug Joyce.  "Join us in the kitchen?  He was nibbling."

"Of course."  She walked the boy that way, smiling at him.  "Are you going to stay here or at the old house?  I know the landlord was posting something to the door earlier."  Someone else slammed the front door.  Joyce looked.  "Your father?"

Xander looked.  "Cousin Erin.  What's on the old house's door?"

"An eviction order.  You have thirty days to move stuff.  We'll help."  He gave him a hug.  "Ignore the putz," he reminded him.  "He'll get his when he's eaten some year."

"I hope so but whatever nibbles on him will have indigestion."

"They'll deserve it," he said dryly.  He got his own lunch, sitting down in a sprawl to look at Joyce.  "Yes, I'm beautiful."

She quit staring.  "I saw a painting with you, Lord Strife."  He blinked at her.  She uncovered a mark on her arm, showing she was the daughter of Valhalla.  "Freya sent me. I'm an unpowered daughter of Valhalla."

"You are?" Xander asked.  She nodded.  "Wow.  Then how do you explain Buffy?"

"Her father's daughter," she said dryly.   She swatted him.  "Behave."

"I try."  He went back to his eating.  "Did you know before this?"

"No, dear.  You were well hidden.  We heard and felt the announcement and when you were uncovered.  We all knew that Ares was looking for you and whoever had you was going to die."

"It was a few cult-sized Godlings," Strife told her.  He looked at her.  "You do good work looking over our boy."

She smiled. "Someone had to feed him.  Not like his parents cooked."

"Good point."  He nibbled and looked at his niece.  "It's all right.  She's a good one.  She watched out for him even before she knew."

"Good.  I like that.  I've seen Buffy."

Joyce smiled.  "I did try very hard."

"You did good most of the time," she promised.  Joyce smiled at that.  "I'll come to you if I have problems with him or the group."

"Take Buffy shopping, she'll adore you and worship at your feet," Xander said dryly.  Joyce swatted him gently.  "She will.   She was unsubtly hinting that my mother was going to burn my clothes."

"Unc give you the leather yet?" Strife teased.

"I still look like a dork in leather," Xander said grimly.  "Jeans; nice, comfy, loose jeans."

"We'll see, dear. You are going to have a fantastic body when you're finished growing," his mother pointed out.  "We'll want to highlight it to the best possibility."

He gave her an odd look. "Then I'll draw more girls who want to kill me."

"Not if I get to them first," she assured him with a small smile.

Both men shuddered at that.  Joyce smiled.  "I've gotten Buffy to keep girls from him too after the last one tried to kill him.  She thought they were adorable together."

"Does Buffy know yo know about her?" Xander asked.

"No, I'm waiting until she admits it to me.  She really is going to have to own up to the sneaking out she's been doing soon."

"Kinda necessary."

"I know.  I also know that you brought her back to life, Xander."  She kissed him on the head.  "Thank you for protecting my baby."  She smoothed down his hair.  "Get a trim, dear."  She stood up.  "I'll let you guys catch up."  She left, going home much happier now.  She and her daughter needed to have a talk anyway.  She had woken her up sneaking in.  Her daughter needed to quit wearing heels to fight in.  They were loud when she climbed up the outside of the house and probably impractical in a fight situation.

Xander took off his shirt and let out his wings again.  "Wow.  It's gotta be the hellmouth."

"Probably," Strife agreed.  His niece nodded, eating another bite.  "Get it out," he said fondly, smirking at her.

"I'm just happy I've got backup if you guys aren't here.  Has Hecate looked at her witch?  She's got some extra energy she's been hoarding for some reason."

"She doesn't know how to ground herself," Strife told her.

"Charming.  Okay."  She dug in again. "Eat, Xander.  We'll go move the other house's things later tonight."  He nodded, digging back in, getting up to have thirds.  "We'll have dinner afterwards."

"Sure.  There's not that much stuff."

She snorted and shook her head.  "We'll figure that out too."  He nodded, finishing up his lunch.  "Where is my errant husband?"

"DC with Tony over something Ares noticed," Strife told him.  "Discord too.  She's not a happy Mother by any means."  He got up and walked out with Xander, watching as his wings automatically hid when he put back on his shirt.  "Good idea. What if it rips?"

"It'll be a hallucination.  Like the PCP that runs around here apparently," he finished sarcastically.

"Someone makes up some very stupid excuses," his mother sighed, shaking her head.  They drove back to the old house, heading inside with Xander's keys so they could pack things and arrange to have them moved.  Though Xander did make them leave the furniture there.  It was only fit to be burned. A few things had bugs.  Strife killed all the bugs in the boxes before anything could spread further.  He was even nice enough to give her the cleaning supplies, letting her go do what fussy things she did.  Her son gave her an odd look.  "Someone has to clean it.  Might as well be me."

Xander backed away slowly.  "If you say so.  Come on, Cousin.  We'll move my crap back to my room."  Strife snapped his fingers and everything but the furniture and washer and dryer from the basement left.  "Wow.  What about the furniture we're taking?  The coffee table is ancient according to my ...what do I call her?"

"Stepmother," he advised, looking at it. "Only fifty years old.  Could be worth something."  He moved everything but the living room furniture and the beds there.  "There.  Needed the bedframe?"

"Not really."

"Good."  He let the boy look around and grab the mail for the day.  "We'll do the change of address thingies."  He looked at his niece.  "Be back in a few."

"Go for it."

They walked out together, heading to the post office to do that.  The teller at the window gave Xander an odd look.  "Go ahead."

"Where are they?"

"Send it to Tony, he'll pass it on."  He smirked at her.  "I'm his cousin Erin."

"We heard what happened.  We don't have anything for you today, Xander."

"Change of address?"

"Oh, that."  She pulled out two of the forms so he could change his and his parents addresses both.  She filed them where they needed to go and gave him a piece of peppermint candy.  "I'll make sure Bob and Earl both know tomorrow.  She rented the Jenkins house?"  He nodded. "I guess it'd be big enough."

"It's got plenty of room and I've got my own bedroom," he assured her, getting a smile.  "Nothing for us?  I thought she ordered something again.  He was complaining about Fingerhut."

She went to look, coming out with a box.  "HMC.  Jewelry."

"Charming."  He looked at it then at her.  "Can you forward that on?"  She nodded, marking out the address and changing it over for him.  "Thanks.  Have a better day."  He left, heading back to the old place, finding the landlord in there.  "We're working on it."

"I know you are.  Who's she?"

"That's my biological mother," he said dryly.  "Mom, you okay?"

"I'm fine, dear.  Did you get the post office fixed?"  He nodded.  "Good."  She smiled at him.  "I've got oven cleaner in here.  We'll let it soak for a few hours and I'll finish cleaning it tomorrow."

"That's fine.  Which prison are they in?"

Erin frowned.  "You know, I don't know where Tony put 'em.  He's a Fed."  The landlord shuddered.  In truth, the parents were both gone.  Long gone.  Hades hadn't even seen their souls they were so gone.  Ares had been a tiny bit pissed about all this.  "You can send anything to Xander.  Not like they'll have a use for the security deposit or anything."

"Good point. If they get it back. This place has roaches."

"We fumed it last night," Xander told him.  "They're mostly gone now.  We can do it again tomorrow night."

"That'll work.  Thanks, Xander.  You always were the sensible one in this family.  We should've realized you weren't a Harris since you're good for more than sucking up liquor."

"Welcome."  He waited until he was gone then closed the door, looking at Strife.  "Teach me how to do that?"

Strife pulled him away from the door and got to work on that application of his powers.  Xander concentrated, knowing what he wanted, he pictured it in his mind.  And the house was suddenly clean, painted, the few holes fixed, the carpet unstained, and there were still roaches.  "Even Hephie has problems getting rid of them."

She looked up and shook her head, making sure everything was totally clean.  They left and Strife snapped his fingers to kill off the rest of the roaches.  She bopped him on the arm.  "Behave."

"I try so hard," he teased with a wicked smirk.

Xander looked at him.  "As long as you don't make someone yell at me tonight.  I've got another of those headaches."

Strife laid a hand on his head.  "Growing pains of our kind."  He walked him back to the house, enjoying the fresh air.  It was nice here if it wasn't for the portal to hell.  She went to do some mild grocery shopping while Xander picked up some chocolate.  Strife snickered at that and paid for it since he had the money in the family today.  By the time they got home it was nearly dark.  He walked them inside, closing the gate behind them.  Xander picked up the welcome mat off the front steps and carried it inside too.  "Hestia will be pissed."

"I'd rather not wake up and find a vampire in my room," Xander said in a sing-song manner.  "No overt welcome or invitation signs."  He found Hestia in the kitchen, giving her a hug.  "No welcome signs."

"I forgot, dear."  She got the other one and pulled it inside.  "There.  That's safer."  She gave him another hug.  "You've grown."

"I've got the headache to prove it," he joked.

She concentrated.  "Gaia?"  She came up in the backyard and came inside, giving the boy a hug as well.  "He's still having power flux headaches."

She checked him over, removing something from his wings.  Then she nodded and created something, putting it around his throat.  "That's the hellmouth's energy fighting against his," she told her.  "The choker blocks that."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "Now, what are we making?"  She created more vegetables and Hestia added a garden, making Strife beam since one bush was a chocolate bean bush.  "I'm sure you'll get good use out of that," she said with a wink.  Xander beamed at her and gave her another hug.  "That's my boy."  They got to work on dinner, serving a good, wholesome, large meal because Xander was still a growing boy.  Around dessert someone knocked on the door.  Gaia went to answer it, smiling at the young woman on the other side.  "Buffy, do come in."  She led her back to the kitchen.  "Xander, it's your friend."

"Hey, Buff.  Saw your mom earlier."

"She's getting freaky today.  She yelled at me for wearing heels."

"She said your heels woke her up the last time you snuck in, dear," Xander's mother told her.

Buffy looked at her.  "You must be his mother."

"I am."  She shook her hand.  "And this is my great-aunt Hes and her mother Gaia."

"Hi."  She waved a hand.  "I'm Buffy."  She looked at Xander, ignoring the chocolate cake he was eating.  Strife got her a plate and a chair, making her sit down.  "Since you offered," she said with a smile.   "Are we going out tonight?"

"Um....." he said, looking at his mother, who shook her head.  "No?"

"No, because we didn't find a single pair of underwear without a hole in them, Xander.  We are going to the mall.  Then you can have an ice cream cone."  Xander sighed but nodded.  "Eat, Buffy.  Every girl needs chocolate."

"You are so much cooler than my mother," she offered with a beaming smile.  She dug in, looking at the only other male.  "Which one are you?"

"I'm his Cousin Erin.  He and I are already trouble buddies."

Hestia coughed into her napkin to hide her laugh.  "I'd say."

Gaia smiled at the young slayer.  "Maybe you should go with them, dear.  You could use a shirt that actually covered things."  Buffy blushed and dug into her cake.  "Aren't you a bit chilly?"

"No, not really.  It's very warm outside tonight."

Erin looked at her.  "Her word is law in the family, Buffy.  Even the Gods don't get past Grandma Gaia.  Just do as you're told and nod."  She nodded at that.  "And call your mother to get permission.  She seemed like the sort to swat."

"You have no idea," she told him.  "When she used to spank I didn't sit down for days."  She finished her cake, helping Xander clear the table since she had eaten something.  Then Xander went to change clothes and handed her a t-shirt.  "You have plain t-shirts?"

"Mom," he told her.

"Oh!  So, we'll see you in *good* clothes?  Clothes that even Cordy can't snark at?"  He pulled out the pair of leather pants and she blinked.  "Never mind.  She'll still snark."  She looked at his throat.  "What's that?"

"It matches the anklet Grandfather gave me when I was born.  It's just as sealed on too," he said, making it up off the top of his head.  "It's a family thing.  Probably has GPS or something in it.  Grandfather's big in military stuff."

"Wow."  She went into his bathroom to change shirts, coming out looking impressed.  "Your mother has great taste in bathrooms."  She took his arm, walking out with him.  "Okay, I've changed as ordered.  Let me call my mother."  She did that.  "Mom, me.  Can I go with Xander so he gets something Cordy won't snark at?  Well, his Great-Aunt Hes and his great-grandmother Gaia are going with him and his mom and his Cousin Erin. Please?  I promise I won't get anything trashy this time.  Mom, they made me change my shirt.  They won't let me get anything too naughty.  Thanks, Mom.  I have it."  She hung up before her mother could complain about her credit card being in her daughter's possession.  "Okay, I can go."

"Call Giles," Erin reminded her.  She blushed and did that.  "That way he can tell the others," he said at Xander's look.  "You said he keeps track of them."

"Giles, it's Buffy.  I'm going with Xander and his family to do some shopping stuff so he has stuff that Cordy won't snark at.  Yup, I'll do that afterward.  Laters."  She hung up and bounced out to the car, settling in next to Erin.  "So, what do you do?"

"Get into trouble."  He grinned.  "I help designers who do pranks and stuff."

"Wow.  Can you get a degree in that and would my mother be proud?"

"Probably not," he admitted.

"Never mind."  She grinned at him.  "So, you guys have been looking for Xander all this time?"  He nodded.  "Why was he taken?"

"They wanted influence over Grandfather but they never told him they had me," Xander said.  "It was probably wiser.  I think Grandfather nearly destroyed the others who helped them."  Strife nodded at that.  "Buffy, do you think the collar's really odd?"

"Kinda not the usual male statement, Xander, but we'll see."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "We'll explain it to her and she won't snark.  Much."

"It's Cordelia.  She'll do some," he agreed dryly.  That got a nod from Erin.  "You, no getting her in trouble."

"I'm not."   Yet.  Unless she hurt Xander again.  Then, well....  He'd have fun.  Xander gave him a look and he gave him his most innocent, sweet smile.  The one that worked on juries.  "What?" he asked quietly.

"Don't even think about it.  Your mother would be highly upset since she's a lot like her."

"Shoot."  Cordelia as his mother's priestess was an apt description.  He'd check with Discord first, just in case she didn't want her.

"They say that you marry people like your mother if you're a guy," Buffy said.

"That's why I'm gay," Strife assured her.

She gaped.  "You are?  I think you're the only gay person in Sunnydale."

"Not hardly," Xander said dryly.  "There's three or four on the south side of town.  Two couples but I think one of the husbands disappeared."

"Wow.  I didn't know we had gay folks here.  I though the idiots who mass and pout would've driven them off.  They seem to have driven off everyone who wasn't white."

"Someone's got to control the stupid white boys who do things," Strife quipped.

"At my last school there were black kids and Asian kids and all sorts of others."

"Any green ones?" Strife asked.

"No."  He smirked.  "Not unless you count the hippies who kept talking about going green on this or that issue.   I guess going too much green would make them green.  After all, you are what you eat and all they ate was salads."

He cackled, giving her a hug.  "I like you."

"Thank you."  She beamed.  "I think you're pretty neat too.  Can you maybe talk up the gay lifestyle to Xander so he quits dating things that want to kill him?"

"I've tired.  My boy's tried.  We'll see how it goes."

"Good!  Xander could do very well as the poster child for gay boys.  Especially with the leather pants.  Though I don't think I want to have that mental image of him in a leather bar.  Eww.  Sorry.  Squicked myself."  Xander popped her on the head like Tony had shown him.  "Ow."

"Tony's boss does that and Tony showed me," he said proudly. "It's how his boss stops him from having bad thoughts."

"I can see why.  You messed up my hair."  She straightened it out. "Go left.  The better parking lot is back there."  Xander's mother nodded and did that.  They got out and headed inside to go do some shopping for their boy, letting Buffy advise them.

***

Cordelia Chase looked at Xander the next morning.  He was wearing an opened collared shirt and pants.  He matched.  It was a miracle.  "What happened to you?" she snorted.

"My mother and Buffy."  He smirked back.  "Anything else?  Get it out now.  Not in the mood to be here today."

She sneered.  "Really?"

"Really.  Anything else?"

"Yes.  Are you a slave?"

"It's from my grandfather.  It's a family thing.  It matches the ankle cuff he got me when I was born."  She gaped.  He moved closer.  "See, this piece of marble is from Greece.  It's from the Temple of Ares.  The onyx and obsidian stones are all set so they can't be caught on my shirts.  The silver's done by a master silversmith and the runes lead back to the Greek Pantheon.  My great-great-grandmother Gaia gave it to me."

She blinked.  "She's still alive?"

"Oh, yeah, went to the mall last night with Buffy and me."

She shook her head.  "It's still dorky looking.  Can't you take it off?"

"There's no clasp.  He's got GPS or something in it."

"Probably better with the way you got stolen.  I never noticed an ankle cuff."  He moved his pants to show her.  "Tattoos too?" she demanded.

He smirked.  "When they found me they found the Harris' had dyed some areas to cover up the tattoos they had put on me when I was stolen.  I've got a few pretty ones on my chest and back too."  Cordelia gave him an odd look.  "I do.  Not like I had them done."

She walked off shaking her head.  "Go away, Xander."

"Tell that to the principal," he called after her.  He headed inside, going to see Giles.  Giles stared at his neck.  "What?"

He lifted an edge of it, then sighed.  "Buffy told me about your great-grandmother Gaia."  He looked at him.  "Your natal family are priests of the Gods?"

"Have been now and then," he admitted.  That was a good cover, he should have thought of that.  "My grandfather serves Ares."

"I can tell."  He shook his head.  "Is your father in yet?  I was going to test you with a fencing foil."

"Not yet.  He's still in DC helping Cousin Tony with something Grandfather found."

"Good."  He smiled.  "Go to class, Xander."

"Why?"

"Because you must even if you don't want to.  I'm sure your mother would be most upset if you skipped today."

"Not really."   He walked out, going to home room, running into the principal in the halls.  "Morning."

"What is that?"

"Family heirloom.  Before you ask, it's sealed shut, there is no clasp, and my grandfather gave it to me to match the anklet.  It probably has GPS in it."

He looked at it, running a finger over the only seam he found.  "Huh.  Still ugly."  He glared at him.  "You can't wear that here."

"As you can see, I can't take it off."  He walked off, looking down at his ankle.  He could see the cuff hanging open.  When he sat down he reached down to touch it but it still felt sealed.  That's when he noticed that it was but he could still see another one that was open.  The teacher gave him an odd look.  "The cuff was made for me when I was born."  The teacher smiled and handed him a note.  He looked at it and groaned.  "Why did I get detention?  I've actually been good for days."

"Not a clue.  Take it up with the man."

"I already ran into him once today."  He put it inside his bookbag and waited, thinking pretty hard.  //Grandfather?// he called mentally.  //Why can I see a cuff that's open and one that's not?//

//What?// Ares sent back telepathically.  Xander looked down and sent that to him.  //Not a clue.  Can you remove it?//

//No, it's stuck on something.  It's feeling odd too.  I can feel it flap.  I don't want to reseal it because touching it hurt.//

//Give me twenty.//  His voice left his head.

Xander blinked and got up when he noticed everyone else was, heading off to his first class of the day.  The home room teacher gave him an odd look.  "Long night.  My mother took Buffy shopping."  She shuddered.  He nodded.  "I'd rather be back in bed."  He walked into his first period class and sat down, getting comfortable for now.

Ares appeared in the school, changing himself to look more like a grandfather should.  Fake glasses, hair pulled back and longer, tied off in a low ponytail.  Jeans and a good shirt, still in black.  Boots.  He found someone staring.  "What?"  She passed out.  He smirked.  "I still have it."   He turned and found the principal there, staring in horror.  "Yes?"  He looked him over. "You must be the principal.  Xander described you well.  You do look like the troll from the fairytale."  The man went purple.  "No, they're usually greener."  The man passed out.   He shrugged and went to find his boy.  He leaned into Xander's classroom, motioning him.  "Grandson."

"Be back," he told the teacher, grabbing his things and heading out with him.  He saw the two passed out people.  "Huh."  He nudged one with a foot.  "Are you comfy?  Really, really comfy?"  Cordelia moaned and sat up, holding her head.  "If not, I'd suggest napping on a softer spot than the hallway.  Or hey, nurse's office."  He pulled her up, handing her her books and turned her that way, giving her a nudge.  "Go to the nurse, Cordy."  She stumbled that way.  He looked at the principal and shrugged.  He wasn't going to touch him.  "His attitude might be contagious if I woke him up."  He sat across from Ares in the sitting area, letting him block off everything while Xander got the cameras.  "All I know is that the troll out there touched my collar and then that one popped open."

Ares looked at the collar.  "He spread something on it.  It probably weakened the other bond."  He pulled his foot up to look at the spare anklet, finding it attached to other things.  "How did we miss more armor?"

"Because it's hidden?"

"Probably," he agreed dryly, giving him a look.  "I get enough smartass from Strife."

"Sorry, Grandfather.  Can we take it off me?  I don't want more hidden things on me.  Hidden things have got to be bad."

"They probably are," he agreed.  He found another buckle and undid it.  His powers had to get the others off since they went up the boy's pants leg. A full leg greave was pulled off and tossed aside.  He saw the marking and groaned.  "It is theirs."  He saw the other one come out.  Tracing it caught a duplicate set of materials to the ones they had already removed.  "All right, we're going to do something fun."  He stared at the boy.  "I want you to go incorporeal, Xander.  Just you and only you.  Not your clothes, not the anklet or the collar, nothing but you and your essence."

"I don't know how to do that."

"I'm going to show you."  He put his hands on his head, showing him how it was done.  Xander nodded slowly and tried it.  His clothes, collar, anklet, and a few other things fell into a heap in the chair underneath the glowing blue orb he became.  "Now, come back.  You can be naked.  It would be better if you were."  Xander reappeared in a flash of blue light, trying to cover himself.  "You've still got the net."

"That was the last thing Willow removed too."

"This isn't the same thing but it was done by the same people to try to protect you.  They apparently knew where you were going."  He looked at him.  "The one around your waist is still here too."  He found the clasp and the boy shimmied out of it.  This one was tighter to his body.   He blushed when it uncovered him and something pulled out of his body.  "Figures."  Hera appeared looking very confused.  "I found another set."

She looked then groaned and gave Xander a mental image.  He concentrated on it and became a different sort of glowing orb.  This one was smaller, darker, had lightening shooting through it.  It floated off to the side and reformed into the boy, who was now wearing....  "Leather does run in the family I see," she said dryly.

"Of course it does," Ares said happily.

Xander looked down at himself then at them.  "I know it's comfy and all but leather can't be this stretchy."

"That's something we all discover, grandson."  Ares looked him over.  "The net's still there, Mother."

She got it undone and found where it was anchored, removing the last thing from him.  He moaned as his wings were freed too.  There had been a band around the joint between his back and them.  She dropped it onto the ground, wiping her fingers off.  "At least they tried to protect you for us."  She looked at him.  "Why did Gaia put a collar on you?"

"The headaches came back.  She said it was the local energy trying to taint mine again."

She nodded, digging them out.  "Here."  They flashed and returned to his neck and ankle.  He sighed in pleasure.  That felt better.  "Now get redressed."  He groaned and made the leather shirt disappear, grabbing his to put on.  He turned around before making the pants go and putting on his underwear and pants, then his sneakers.  He turned back around to find her gone and Ares looking at the pile of stuff they had taken off him.

"Hephie is going to be pissed.  Someone remade some of his stuff," Ares told him.

Xander flopped back down.  "Are we sure there's not a third set?  I know that magic things run in threes, sevens, elevens, and thirteens."

Ares looked at him.  "I'd hope not.  Can you feel any?"

"I couldn't feel any of it so far until that cuff this morning."

"Good point."  He ran a glowing hand over him, shaking his head.  "Not that I can tell.  Then again, the chestplate and the wing binder have brain matter on them.  I'm guessing someone died to put that first set on you."  He made it go away, looking at him.  "Good idea to call."

"I knew I should."  He gave him a hug.  "I should get back to class."  He checked his wings, they were hidden.  He could still feel them.  So he concentrated and they were hidden better.  "There."  Ares smirked.  "I don't want someone to run into them.  They might break and I have PE later."

"Fine.  We'll work on teaching you how to use them later on this weekend."

"I've got patrol this weekend.  We're coming up on a major bad thing."

"Of course you are.  Which is why we'll work on teaching you how to fly this weekend and then work on your fighting skills.  Anything else I should know?"

"Giles guessed that my family are priests of the Gods when he saw the collar."

Ares nodded.  "That'll work."  He stood up, pulling him up, looking at his ear.  "You took it out?"

"Around here, that's  clear sign of being gay.  Buffy's already begging and I don't need the stress right now."

"Good point.  We'll see you this weekend.  Try to stay out of trouble."  He disappeared and the shields fell.  Xander removed the ones from the cameras while he grabbed his bookbag and headed off to third period since that's what his watch said it was.  The principal was still on the floor.  He was snoring though so he guessed he was fine.

***

Xander walked into the library later that night.  "Sorry, detention for some reason," he said dryly.

Giles smirked at him.  "Probably for mouthing off yesterday."

"I did not."  He put down his bag.  "What's on for tonight?   And when do I have patrol this weekend?  More family's going to pop around."

"I saw the hotty who came to grab you for a few minutes," Buffy told him.

"Hotty?" he said, looking confused.

"Black jeans, hair.  Beard.  Him?"

"Grandfather."  She gaped.  He smirked.  "We stay young and pretty for a long time, Buffy."  He looked at Giles again.  "So, when am I on this weekend?"

"We could use you on Saturday night if you won't be busy," Giles offered.

"I can be not busy for patrol.  Mom knows."

"Good."  He patted him on the back, then frowned and did it again. "What is that?"

Xander shrugged, lifting his shirt.  "What is it?"  He knew it wasn't his wings.

"It's...  The tattoo is textured?"

"It is?"  He went to look in the nearest mirror, frowning a bit.  "Huh."  He put down his shirt.  "Whatever."

"Was that a tattoo on your front?" Buffy demanded.

"Yeah, we found out the Harris' had it done and dyed it later on," he told her.  He looked around then took off his shirt to show her, making her gape.  He showed her his back too.  "See?  Pretty."  He put back on his shirt before Willow could come in.  "There's some around my ankle cuff too."  He let her see before sitting down.  "What's up for today, G- man?"

"Don't call me that and we're waiting on Willow."

"She was having one of her confused yet cranky days," Buffy told him.  He blushed at that and went to get something.  She looked at Xander.  "Do you think something attacked the principal?"

"No, I think he passed out when he saw my grandfather.  He was drooling and had nasty dreams on the floor.  I should complain to the school board about him."

"I doubt that's why he was grunting," Giles called.

"Bet me," he called back. "He was drooling too and it was kind obvious with the stains, Giles."  He looked at her again, watching her shudder.  "Exactly and that's a bad thing to do in front of students.  If enough of us complain, we can get rid of him."

"Yeah but then who would we have?"

"The English teacher?"

She considered it then went to call her mother.  "Mom, the principal took a nap in the break area's floor and had dirty, nasty dreams that created spots on his clothes."

"Don't forget the drool," Xander reminded her.

"And Xander saw him drooling and grunting too, Mom.  Yes, eww.  Very eww.  Thanks, Mom.  Tell them you want him removed for having dirty, nasty, shudder inducing dreams?  Thank you.  English teacher?" she suggested hopefully.  "Thank you."  She hung up and called someone else.  "Did you know that your daughter's principal fell asleep in the middle of our indoor break area and had dirty, nasty dreams that made him create stains on his clothes and drool?  Yes, seriously!  Earlier today.  For four hours!  No, we thought you should know.  Willow was horrified when she saw it.  Thanks, Mrs. Rosenburg."  She hung up and went back to the table.  "Willow's mother complains worse than anyone else."

"True," Xander agreed happily, putting his feet up.  Buffy looked at the ankle cuff then at him.  "I got it when I was a baby."

"Aww."  She looked at it.  "No precious stones but it's pretty."  Willow came in.  "I told your mother that the principal had dirty thoughts near you."

"It was freaky how he napped that way.  But hey, maybe they'll remove him."  She sat down.  "Sorry I'm late. I was staring at the candy machine."

Xander patted her on the arm.  "We told Giles you were having a confused and cranky day."

She smirked at him. "I can still hit you."

He looked at her.  "I'll sic my Cousin Erin on you again."  She shuddered and settled down, slumping down even.  "Giles, she's here."

He came out shaking his head.  "Are we done ratting out the principal?"

"Yup," Buffy said happily.  "Willow's mom can complain for the rest of us."

"She has in the past," Willow agreed.  "I wonder if any of the cameras caught him."

"The one in the west hall might have," Xander said.  "Though there are the button cameras he had installed for blackmail potential."  She smiled and went to lurk until the principal was gone and then she could scan the tape.  "Now what?  Any information on this new attack thing?"

"I'm still looking."

"Giles, did you know Xander had tattoos?"

"I did see the one on his back, yes."  He looked at her.  "With what his grandfather does I'm not surprised one was given to him.  In some sects it's not that unusual to mark special babies upon birth."

"His cousin is in pranks too."

"I'm sure he is," Giles agreed dryly.  "He seemed like a nice enough chap."  He got back to his reading.  "I do have a date for it, Buffy.  It's the night of the dance."

"Yay me," she said flatly.  "Why can't I have a normal dating life?"

"Special girls get special dates," Xander teased.

"When are you going to go gay so we don't have to worry about you dating?" she taunted back.

"Not this week.  I'm still finding breasts fascinating."  He nodded at her top, where a few extra buttons had come undone.  She squeaked and did them back up while he looked at Giles, who glared at him.  "What?  Not like I could make buttons come open."  He didn't have that much finesse yet.  Big things maybe, little things nope.   When he did, he was still a teenage boy.  He heard Strife cackling in his head.  He pointed out he was still a teenage boy.  Even if Buffy did want to make him go gay.

***

Xander looked up from his cartoons Saturday morning to find his cousin and his father conspiring.  "I still have patrol tonight," he reminded them before going back to his cartoon watching.

"What are you doing?" his father asked.

"Watching cartoons.  I do it every Saturday and the mornings when I can't get up in time for school."  He grinned at him.  "By the way, I'm still flunking biology.  The last test did not go well."  He went back to watching.

"Shouldn't we punish you for that?"

"You helped me study," Xander reminded him.

His father sighed and walked off shaking his head.  "When will those be done?"

"I'll have a half hour break for breakfast in two more shows, then another hour, and then I'm done."

Strife watched the cartoon and slid over the back of the couch to lean against him and watch with him.  Might as well.  "How long have you been up?"

"Two hours," he said grimly.

"You haven't eaten yet?" Strife asked.  Xander pointed at the cereal bowl in front of them.  He looked, then at his cousin.  "Tried to create it?"

"Yup.  Tastes like tasteless oatmeal."

"We'll work on that tonight," Strife promised.  Xander grinned at that.  "Can you manifest other things?" he asked patiently.  Xander created a stake and handed it over.  "That'll work."

"It usually does," he agreed happily.

His mother came out and reached for the remote but Xander snatched it.  "Xander."

"My ritual."

She glared.  "Breakfast.  Now!  You have things to do today."

Xander looked at her.  "Not like I'm not going to do them all afternoon, then shower, eat dinner, go on patrol, then come home and sleep like the dead."

She gaped.  "You're not going on patrol tonight."

He nodded. "Yes I am."  He looked at Strife.  "Is there a family thing?  I thought that was next weekend."

Strife considered it.  "'Dite's got an orgy going tomorrow night but nah, that's the only thing I've heard."  They both shrugged at his mother.  "He can eat out here.  It's a comfort thing.  Taking joy in the innocent things."  She huffed off.  He smirked at his cousin, who hugged him.  "What was that for?"

"For understanding."  He leaned against him while they watched the cartoons.  His father brought him a bowl and he grunted, eating absently while he watched.  When a show came on that he didn't like he went to make some toast, finding a plate waiting on him.  He brought it back to the couch and shared with Strife, who was happier.  They nibbled their way through the rest of the cartoons and then Xander went to the practice area to learn how to use his new powers and body.  Strife used his father to teach him the basic sword moves, watching as they practiced slowly.  Xander was clearly getting it, even though he still tripped over his feet.   It was why Strife also taught him how to relocate suddenly - the last time he had nearly fallen onto his father's sword at a very bad angle.   His mother would have screamed if he had been stabbed in the stomach. By the time dinner came Xander was getting very good at blocking shots.  Strife stepped in to move with him, showing him where he was going next.  It was kinda cute.  He clearly wasn't trying that hard but for a first day it was great progress.  They came out for dinner and found Ares waiting on them, lounging in a chair.  "Hi, Grandpa."  He gave him a hug around the throat.  "Let me clean up."

"I left you another pair of leather pants on your bed," Ares told him.

"I can't wear leather on patrol."

"Why not?" his mother asked.

"Because I can't run, pounce, or play in them.  They chafe."

"Try them," Ares ordered.  "These aren't that stiff, they should work all right."  The boy nodded, going up to shower and change into them.  He came down in them and a long t- shirt.  "That covers up the best features of the leather pants."

"Um, yeah, which keeps the vampires from trying to nibble that best feature or thinking I'm one of them," he pointed out patiently.   "They already like to try to nibble me or keep me, why tempt them more?"

Ares snapped his fingers and his t-shirt was tucked in.  "Try it, let's see if it works," he ordered.  Xander slumped but nodded.  "Thank you."  He looked at him.  "You didn't look bad today.  Tomorrow we'll go longer."  Xander nodded.  "How late do you think you'll be tonight?"

"Depends on them.  Also depends on if we take a dance break in the center to hunt in there or not."  That got another nod.  "There's been some nights it's been midnight; there's also been some nights I've seen sunup from my usual booth in Denny's."  He dug into the food that showed up, watching his mother when she gave him an odd look.  "What?  Breakfast was a while ago."  She sighed and handed him extra, earning a smile.  "Thanks, Mom."  He dug in faster, moaning a bit because the food was good.  When he was done he checked the time, kissed her on the cheek, punched his grandfather on the arm.  "I won't get eaten tonight."

"Leather is stiffer than jeans. It should help you stay uncut too," he offered.  Xander smirked and left.  "Strife."  He nodded, finishing his dinner and heading out to invisibly follow the boy.  He leaned back, eating his dinner at a slower pace. "You could always work on the girls' training," he offered.

"He thinks of me like a babysitter," she complained.

"He's how old?" Ares pointed out dryly.

She slumped and nodded.  "I know.  He's not the cuddly, cooing thing I remember.  He doesn't share things with me."

"For him this is still very odd and sometimes probably seems like a dream," Ares offered.  "He also doesn't trust very easily.  He probably never will.  Right now he's cautiously moving closer.  If you didn't have some connection he'd be very careful what he ate, he'd lock his room door, you'd probably never see him.  Like the last ones did."

She nodded, digging in again, looking at her husband.  He took her hand to hold.  "I have patience and he'll be calling me Mommy and mean it someday soon," she said.

He nodded at that.  "If that's what he wants."   She grimaced.  "He's a bit old for 'mommy' but he does call you Mom."

She nodded.  "He does.  Strife got called Mommy the other day."

"I've had Strife breaking him in gently," Ares reminded them.  "Strife was fussing over his diet of ho-hos."

"Then he probably deserved it," she decided, finishing up.  "Want more, Dad?"  He held up his plate and she lifted a spoon, getting a nod and a point at something else too.  She reloaded his plate and her own, getting back to dinner and happier conversations.  Namely how they were going to fix her son's wardrobe.  Even Strife couldn't wear some of his clothes, nor would anyone let him if he tried.

***

Buffy looked at Xander as he strolled in.  "What's with the leather?"

"Grandfather insisted."  He smirked at her.  "I figure I'd give it a try, make him happy.  Then I'll go back to jeans when I prove it's harder to fight in because they're stiffer.  Even if these are pretty thin."  He looked around.  "Long night, short night, Bronze night in the center?"

"Long, long night," Buffy sighed, shaking her head.  "Seven coming up.  I've heard rumors about a party one's throwing in the park by the fountain. Then Bronze, then we'll see?"  He nodded at that, leaning on the same headstone she was perched on.  "He's one who'll come up."

"There's ground moving on that one," he said, pointing at it.  She hopped down and went to deal with it while he checked the ground he was standing over.  "I wonder if I can tell if he's moving or not?" he muttered, concentrating.  He felt earth moving and looked.  "Huh.  Hey, Buffy."  She came back.  "He's got something in there with him.  I think I heard something about going away presents in his casket."

"Crap. I hate those.  The last one had his teddy bear when he came out.  I didn't want to stake him."   She saw a running vamp and frowned, stepping into his path to stake him.  "Huh.  Jogging vampires."

"That way they don't get a blood gut?" Xander offered.  She smiled.  "Willow still grounded?"

"Yuppers.   Her mom threw a fit on the school board too."  They both watched as the new vampire seemed to shoot out of the ground and held two knives in his hand.  "Who were you before?"

"Part of the stunt club," he reminded her, moving in behind him.  He kicked him on the butt, sending him forward into Buffy, who ducked both knives and moved to the side.  He grabbed an arm to keep it from stabbing her and she kicked him in the stomach to make him drop them.  He fell panting to his knees and she handed Xander the stake, letting him get him from his back.  It didn't work.  He frowned.  "That's right, your's is on the wrong side of your chest."  He moved it over and did it again.  This time it worked.  "I hate that freaky medical condition."

"You and me both," she agreed, walking off with him.   She saw him go back and pick up the knives.  "Eww.  Dead guy property."

"Giles," he pointed out.

"True.  Free weapons."  She looked in the hole and pulled out something.  "Pretty but not ours."  She tossed it back down.  She wiped off her hands.  She turned and found three vampires staring at Xander.  "Hey, Xander, is your grandfather aware that vampires like what he made you cover in leather?"  She looked at his butt.  "Which I gotta say, it does good things for it.  I can see why they're all drooling at the moment."

Xander glanced back at her.  "You're the one sleeping with Angel.  I don't want to duplicate your relationship."  She snorted, giving him a dirty look.  "I don't.  Eww.  Blood breath."

"He brushes his teeth and we hardly ever kiss," she finished with a frown and a small pout.  "Did you guys want Xander to go gay too?  We've been trying very hard to keep him from dating women."  Xander moaned.  "We have.  Even Cordy's agreed that you dating is a bad idea.  It could make her hair frizz next time."

He shot her a look.  "Gee, thanks, just stick up for my right to perform oral sex on girls."  She shuddered.  "I haven't had a complaint yet," he snapped back, smirking at her.

"Ick.  Gross."

"You'll like it when he does it to you," one of the vampires told her.  "But you're *obviously* a virgin."

She stuck her tongue out.  "That's my decision.  I want it to be special!"

"That's because you're a girl," one of the others agreed, looking at Xander's butt.  "Though, yeah, whoever gave you those, good taste.  You should sleep with them for it."

"It was my grandfather, eww," Xander said, staking him and then the other two when they gave him horrified looks.  He shuddered.  "I like my grandfather.  He's pretty neat.  I'm not going to sleep with him though."

"He was kinda a hotty from what Cordy babbled," she offered, walking off with him.  He smacked her on the forehead.  "Ow!"

"Incest is *wrong*, Buffy.  W R O N G!  Also ewwer than ewww.  So jump off it unless you wanna hit on my grandfather."  He nudged her and handed her a stake, nodding at her side.  She backhanded one of the vampires and they kept going.  "You do know he's single, right?"

"Single, wealthy, hotty, I could go for that," she teased.

"That'd mean I could call you Grandma."  She gave him a horrified look so he smirked.  "I could."

"Never mind."

"I've got a few hotty cousins too."

She looked at him.  "Then there's hope for you yet."  He scowled.  "Just saying, not the hottest under the sun.  Though the leather pants help."  She got another look when he stomped off shaking his head.  "They help a lot."  She dusted the vamp coming up behind her and kept going, watching that one.  "Park?"

"I can hear the music."  They went to watch it for a few minutes.  "Dive in, dance closer?"

"They'll feel me."

"They probably already do."  The music stopped and all the demons looked at them.  "Hi."  He grinned.  "Pretty night, huh."  Most of them fled but a few stood guard.  "She's not going to go after the harmless things.   We just want the vampires and the bad guys.  Really."   One burbled something and the others laughed.  Xander realized he had understood the burbles.  Had to be a God thing.  "Yes, I'm very hot in the pants.  I'm still not taking worshipers yet.  Thanks anyway."  He grinned.

Buffy looked at him.  "It'd be a good opportunity to see if you could stand going gay to save the rest of us."  He smacked her on the forehead, shaking his head.  "He can only date nice demons who can't hurt us.  'Cause you know, best friends."  That got a mass groan and most of the rest left.  They had some who were still standing there.  "What's the blue thing?"

"Harmless.  So are the green with purple spots and the green with orange stripes on the face."  She nodded.  "Dust the vamps.  Leave the rest for a rainy day when they'll melt."  He had no idea how he knew that either.   Huh.  Helpful at least.  They dove into the vampires who were still there and he had to duck being grabbed by one.  He tripped and rolled back to his feet, getting back into it.  Buffy was flipping and flapping and kicking.  He shook his head and staked another demon he knew was harmful.  Then he backhanded a vampire stroking his butt and turned to stake him too.  "Bastard."  He walked over, looking at what Buffy was doing.  He concentrated on his hand behind his back, calling a crossbow to him, with enough arrows to get the things.  He shot both the vampires she was hunting.  "You're getting too sweaty to Bronze," he pointed out at her pout.  "No one will dance with you and you won't be able to sex bait to the alley if you're that sweaty."

"Point.  Let's take the long way, my hair has to dry."  He nodded, walking with her, sending the crossbow back where it should be.  She looked at him.  "You going to help me bait?"

"Sure, why not.  If they want me that much in the leather, might as well put it to good use."  She beamed and nodded. "I'm still not letting them do more than look."

"I don't think you'll have a problem with that."  She dusted a leaf off his butt, making him jump and frown at her.  "Leaf.  Where you hit the ground."

"Fine.  Don't touch."

"I'm not.  I'd end up going bad girl too."  She pouted at him.  "I'd look horrible as a bad girl."

"Uh-huh."  He walked behind her, just in case, shaking his head most of the way to the Bronze.  He could hear Strife giggling and sent back a 'save us' plea.  Strife giggled louder so he was smiling.  He sent a 'join us' plea and got a sense of agreement.  "You know, my Cousin Erin is lurking around here trying to see what I do when people aren't looking so he can warn my mother.  We might meet up with him."

"Is he the tall, skinny, vamp pasty one?"

"Yup."

"Huh."  She looked at him.  "He *really* needs a tan."

"I know.  It's better he's pale with his line of work."  They got to the Bronze and paid their cover, going in to deal with the vamp population in here for the night.  Strife strolled in about twenty minutes later, changed to dark jeans and an open-necked t-shirt, plus his usual messy hair and tons of earrings.  "Hey."  He gave him a hug and a clap on the back.  "Save my poor butt?" he muttered in his ear.

He smirked at him.  "It's the leather."

"I know.  Please?"

"Unc knows."  He walked him out there so he could sit at the same table Buffy was talking to Angel at.  "Hey."  Angel gave him an odd look so he grinned.  "Erin.  You?"

"Angel.  This is my boyfriend," Buffy said.  "He's Xander's cousins."

"Really?" he asked, looking at him.  It was a clear 'I know who you are' look.  Strife smirked back.  "Interesting."  He walked Buffy out onto the floor.  "He's a bit dangerous," he said quietly.

"He's a sweetie.  He's here to make sure Xander can't go fully gay tonight."

"Buffy, I know about him. He's dangerous."

"He's a demon?"

"No," he said patiently.  "He's still a dangerous person."

"Uh-huh.  Whatever.  I'm sure he's not going to be dangerous to Xander since they're related and they've been looking for him forever."

He just nodded, dancing with her.

Strife looked at Xander.  "He knows."

"I got that from the look," he said dryly. "Can we make him forget?"

"I scanned 'im.  He's thinking you're a mortal offspring."

"Technically...."

Strife snorted and shook his head.  "Nope, sorry."  He clapped him on the back.  "Go dance, I'll make sure you're not taken."  He nodded, going to do that.  He realized his cousin had no rhythm then.  Even worse than his.  He sent film of it to Ares.  He heard the groan and the promise to help him with that.  Having his grandmother be the muse of dance did *not* work for the boy.  Though it was clear he was horny, the girl he was dancing with was on the US Assassin's list.   Strife called Tony who sent back a 'send her to the office' request since he was busy with his own girlfriend.  He shared the wider picture and Tony groaned a promise to help the boy learn how to dance.  Then he shut him out.  Strife went out there, nodding at Xander to get her outside.  That got a nod and he winked and headed that way, letting her follow him.  Once out there he bound her, gagged her, and sent her to the empty spot in front of Tony's desk.  Someone would find her in the morning.  It was nearly two out there.  He walked Xander back inside to try to teach him what rhythm was.  It was almost helpless.  He danced worse than Hades.  Yet he was still getting looks from some of the girls.  Xander even got walked off by a few.  He came out of the bathroom with one and dusting the other off his chest and pants.  The other walked off in a daze.  He looked at him then at her then back at him.

He shrugged with a grin.  "Just a grope.  Really."

"I'm *so* having Auntie help you."

"Please don't.  She'll want me to go gay too."  Strife cackled and nodded.  "Angel and her done?"

"Not yet."

He went to interrupt them.  "Buff, patrol?"

"Go ahead, I'll catch up."

He sighed and nodded, heading out with Strife.  They had a good walk, staked a few fledglings, and when he got captured by one the teleporting helped a lot.  Got him out of the chains.  He staked them and walked on, heading for the outer cemeteries.  He ran into Willow.  "She and Angel are at the Bronze."

"Wow.  Still?"  She checked her watch.  "They're having dancefloor cuddles?"  He nodded.  That's when she noticed what he was wearing.  "Were you turned?" she demanded, reaching for his pulse to check it.  "Only vampires wear leather pants, Xander!"

"Grandfather made me.  Yell at him," he ordered.  She huffed.  "He's at home."  She stomped that way.  He waved at her back.  He looked at his ignored cousin.  "Don't tell him?"  Strife smirked and nodded for them to keep going.  "Sure.  I like a stroll interrupted with violence.  It's like golf without the ball."  That got a louder, longer cackle and they kept going.  "So, where did you send her?"

"Tony's desk."

"I'm sure he'll love us for the paperwork tomorrow."

"Probably," he agreed happily.  "He's about to throw his back out with his lady of the night."

"Hmm.  Well, if you pay for it I'd hope it's good enough to ache a bit in the morning."

"Tony's off Cupie's line, Xan.  There's no paying for it."

"See, I need that skill."

"Wear more leather," Strife offered dryly.  "It seems ta work for you."

He stuck his tongue out.  "Meany.  Not like they wanted to do more than grope."  They went into one of the older cemeteries.  "Did anyone get buried here recently?"

"Check the ground like you did earlier.  Find any churned up earth with that 'new' feeling."  He concentrated and nodded, heading for the new hole.  "Hmm.  Can you track 'im?"

Xander looked in the hole and pointed.  "I think he crawled back in for something."  The butt stiffened and the vampire climbed back out, staring at him oddly.  "Hi.  Sunnydale Society for the Living.  You mind?"

"Can I leave instead of dying?"

"As long as you don't eat anyone on the way out," he sighed.  The guy beamed and took his afterlife presents with him to the waiting car, heading out of town.  He looked at Strife.

"Some people need to leave and not nibble," he offered.  He shrugged. "Who knows.  Maybe he had a hot date."

"Maybe."   They walked off and he got another vampire before looking around.  "We should go home."

"We should," he agreed, heading home with the tired young God.  It had been a long night.  He got him into the house and up to his room, watching as his shirt came off, his wings came out, and the boy collapsed on the bed without doing more than stripping off his pants.  Strife walked down the stairs, smiling at Ares.  "How is Willow?"

"I sent her home after shooting her down.  She walked off pouting."   He looked at him.  "I'll let Tony work on his sense of rhythm.  Probably no more leather for a while either."  Strife giggled.  "He is family."

"Yup," Strife said, sitting down.  "We gotta train the blonde."

"I know."  He looked at him.  "Go for it."

"Gee, thanks."

"It'll keep you closer.  It's probably better for him if you are."

"Probably, especially since Angel knows."  That got a grimace but a nod.  "Any other instructions?"

"Take him to the orgy tomorrow so he doesn't have virgin problems."  He disappeared.

"Sure," Strife called.  "I can do that."   He put his feet up and floated a bit, feeling very content.  His cousin was nearly as deadly as he was and just as much of a goofball.  He wasn't alone on the Mount anymore!  Zeus could worry a lot when Xander got his jokes.

"We'll all worry a lot when he gets your jokes," Cupid called.  "I told Mom he's coming tomorrow night."  His voice faded out.

"Cool with me."  He went to lock down the house and check on his cousin.  He was still asleep on his stomach, naked, wings up and twitching.  He came in and stroked between them, letting the boy moan and get off in his sleep but fall deeper and let his wings go limp.  He snuck back out, closing the door.   He checked the house in case Xander had painted things pretty colors with his orgasm.  None here so it was somewhere else.

"Damn it!" he heard from a distance.  "Someone changed my clothes!"

Strife smirked.  "Payback's a bitch when you want him to be one," he said dryly.  Both Cordy and Buffy had gotten hit with the repainting charm.  They both looked like the streetwalkers they were dressed as too.  Angel had to walk Buffy home when one of the vamps asked how much she charged.  He was not an amused vampire but it served him right for wanting his cousin.   He went to lay on the couch and watch the all-night cartoon channel for now.  It was a good thing.

***

Tony stomped in the next morning when his boss called, glaring at the woman.  "You just *had* to hit on my sixteen-year-old cousin, didn't you?" he demanded of the bound woman, who whimpered and tried to hide behind Gibbs again.  He looked at him.  "She's on the assassins list from what I heard, boss.  Have fun with her."

"Who put her here?"

"Erin."

"Your cousin Erin?  The one that needs the tan and a good meal or six?"

Tony grinned and nodded.  "Yeah, him.  She was hitting on Xander since his grandfather dressed him in leather."  He stomped off to go make some coffee.

Gibbs looked down, taking out the gag.  "The leather worth it?"

"Yes," she whimpered.  "Very worth it and I would've played bondage games if he had asked!"

He stuck the gag back into her mouth and called someone. It wasn't their department so not their paperwork.  "Fornell, want an assassin?  She was delivered here for DiNozzo.  Thanks."  He hung up and took his cup of coffee.  "Fornell can come get her."

"Good."

"How did Erin get her in here?"

"I don't ask those questions, boss.  I might not like the answer," he quipped, walking off again.  He ran into Fornell at the reception desk.  "She hit on my sixteen-year-old cousin and my Cousin Erin got upset with her for her lust of the leather his grandfather put him in.  So she's up there."

"How?"

"I don't ask Erin those questions.  Plausible deniability."  He walked off, heading back to his girlfriend of the moment.  She was a good cover and maybe he'd take her to the orgy tonight. She was hot and cute.  She wanted to do a threesome  last night.  So maybe.

Fornell stomped off the elevator, looking at the woman then at Gibbs.  "She was hitting on who?"

"The cousin they found recently that had been kidnaped," Gibbs told him.

He nodded.  "Reasonable really.  He's, what, sixteen?"

"Yes and the kid's grandfather dressed him in leather."

"Ah.  Even better." He hauled her up, looking at the gag.

"Leave it.  She still wants the leather."

"That'll work in someone's favor I'm sure."  He walked her off, taking her back to his office so someone could find her identity and book her for him.  It paid to be the guy in charge.  He handed her over with a, "Here, she tried to hit on DiNozzo's underage cousin so a different cousin bound her and delivered her like a present.  She's an assassin."  Then he went to have pancakes with his daughter.

The agent looked at her, taking out the gag.  "How underage?"

"Sixteen and in leather," she moaned.  "So hot."

"Huh."  He sat her down to process her and get her under formal arrest.  Though it'd take him a few hours to figure out how to unbind some of those straps she was in.

***

Xander wobbled in Monday morning looking very content and calm.  He beamed at Cordy when she snorted.  "One of my aunts threw a party.  Was fun."

"Find a new girlfriend?" she sneered.

"Orgy.  Very pretty women."  He beamed and walked off happier at her horrified look.

"No!  That is wrong!  So very wrong, Xander!" she yelled after him.  She stomped after him.  "You cannot go to orgies."

He turned to look at her.  "Not like we're dating.  I'm not seeing anyone.  It was fun stress relief," he said happily. "Anything else you wanna know?"

"No!  You already shared *way* too much.  You're disgusting.  I'm sure there wasn't one."  He moved his shirt to show the hickeys around his neck.  No bite marks, just hickeys.  She huffed and walked off.  "That doesn't prove it."

"I'd show you but you'd go evil...er," he called after her.  He nearly skipped to his locker to get his things for the day.  Willow saw him in first period, giving him a bad look. "What?"

"Orgy?" she hissed.

He nodded. "One of my aunts threw a party and it broke out during it."

She shuddered.  "You were...safe, right?"

"Of course."  Not like he was going to be able to catch anything now.  "Very safe."  And it had been great fun when the one girl had played with his wings.  He didn't know they were that sensitive.  She gave him another odd look.  "What?"

"That smile's scary."  She looked at the teacher when she came in.  Later on she got Buffy and Giles together.  "We should get Xander away from his family.  His aunt had an orgy and invited him."

Giles looked at her.  "Really?"  She nodded.  "I'm sure he was safe."

"So!  We know women are bad for Xander!" she complained.  "They go evil and try to eat him!"

"And a few guys with the leather pants his grandfather put him in," Buffy pointed out.

"That's the other thing!  His grandfather dressed him in leather, Giles.  *Leather*!" she said hotly.  "How good can they be for him?"

"Just because a few of his relatives are a bit wild doesn't mean his parents are," he said dryly.

"I heard you say his grandfather worships Ares.  That means they're bad people," she insisted.

"Yet you pray to Hecate," he said dryly, making her blush.  "I'll talk with the boy about your worries, ladies, but I'm sure he's not going to be one of the wild ones in the family."  They stomped off.

Xander appeared out of thin air behind them. "Don't worry, they'll forget soon and won't call social services."  Giles jumped, looking at him.  He grinned.  "They're promising to teach me what a sense of rhythm is too."

"Orgies are probably not good for you, Xander. You could catch anything."

"My aunt is devoted to Aphrodite.  I doubt she invited anyone who had stuff."

"Good point."  He clapped him on the back.  "I went a bit wild in my own youth, Xander.  Every lad does go a bit wild for a bit.  If you need to talk, let me know.  All right?"

"Sure.  Did you know you can taste the difference between women?"

Giles blushed but cleared his throat.  "I did, but it's been many years since I tried that."  He fled to his office.

Xander strolled out, thinking at his grandfather, who assured him he had blocked both women from calling the 'proper authorities' to have him taken away for expanding his horizons.  Xander walked into the gym and headed for the locker room.  He took off his shirt, keeping control of his wings for a few minutes.  The guys all stared at him.  "What?"

"You have a hickey on your back," one said.

"Yeah, one nibbled on my back while giving a backrub.  Her friend was rubbing other things with her mouth," he said happily.   He got given looks like he was The Man and put on his shorts and t-shirt for gym, heading out to stretch.  He saw the balls and groaned.  Dodgeball.  Joy.  Not!  He popped his neck.  Then he stretched his shoulders.  Buffy gave him an odd look.  "What?"

"Tattoo?"

"The Harris' did it when I was younger," he reminded her.

"Oh."  She pouted.  "Why?"

"Probably because they could," he admitted, putting down his arms and covering his marks.  One of the guys came out joking.

"Hey, Harris, that hickey mean you did other things too?"

"I was asked but no.  Thanks for wondering."  He looked at her, shrugging a bit.  "Want me on your team or the other one?"

"No, you're on our team," she said grimly.  "That way you can't hit me.  Or Willow."  She looked at his throat.  "No fangs?"

"No, not a vamp up there," he said dryly.   He yawned, leaning against the wall.  The coach gave him a heated glare.  He stared back impassively, making him back up.  He and Buffy got picked for the same team so the coach had to pick Willow, even though she was a liability.  He caught one of the balls, Buffy caught another one.  They faced off across the line on the floor.  The whistle blew and Xander got the guy who thought he was going to gay.  Right in the chest, making him 'oof' in pain and fall down.  He scooped up a ball that had narrowly missed him, going back to it.  This was even better than sword training for fight training he realized.  He had to keep himself from relocating a few times, and his wings from coming out but he was one of the last three on his side.  He got the last one on the other side before his ball hit him.  The whistle blew and he looked at Buffy, one of the other last ones left.  "Hi."

"Hi."  She tossed him a ball.  "Good hits."

"Thanks.  Oh, we did a bit more after we left you.  How was Angel?"

"Freaked out.  We're still wondering who changed my clothes on me."

He shrugged, keeping a straight face.  "I was in by then from what you complained about yesterday morning.  Erin and I headed home after that."

"Erin?" one of the guys sneered.

"Yeah, my cousin."

"The tall, pale, skinny one," Buffy told him. "With the dark hair."

"Who was that woman who showed up a few times when you got found?" one of the guys muttered.

"My Aunt Artie.  She's a hunter."

"I'd be her prey," he said, walking off fantasizing.

Xander went to change, stretching once he was in there.  His wings didn't come out and he was a happy boy once he got redressed.  He came out and found the coach waiting on him.  "What?"

"That collar of yours..."

"Doesn't come off.  My grandfather gave it to me.  It's locked and has GPS for me."

That got a grimace.  "The rule is no jewelry in gym, Harris."

"I can't take it off.  There's no clasp."  He let him see it.  "See?"

The man growled.  "You still can't wear it."

"I don't care.  I'm not taking it off.  You can suspend me for all I care.  Not like it's a reasonable request when you don't make the girls take off theirs."  He walked off, heading to his next class.  He was summoned to the office halfway through and shrugged at the receptionist.  "Why is it my fault it doesn't open?"

"I don't know.  The troll wants you."

"I'm hoping not literally."  He walked in there, looking at him.  "What?"

"Take it off."

"I can't.  There's no clasp.  You looked at it and you know there's no clasp."

"How did he get it on you?"

"He had my relative seal it on me."

"Then it can be taken off.  You're not allowed to wear it here."

Xander stared at him.  "You can't enforce that."

"It's a distraction to the other students and staff."

"Really?  I haven't noticed anyone staring at it.  Only you and the gym teacher."

"Miss Chase...."

"Is mad because she had a wet dream about me.  Anything else?"   The shocked look felt nice.  "I don't care.  I'm not taking it off.  It doesn't come off, and if you try to take it off I'm suing the school and the town."  Snyder snorted at that.  "Remember, it's a big thing in the US now to do that."  He went a bit pale but stiffened up.  "There's no *reasonable* reason for me to take off something that's meant to protect me.  If you don't like it, blow me."  He walked out, calling his grandfather to tell him.  He agreed with him and said an aunt was coming down.   He barely made it out of the office when the cool, brunette woman walked in holding a briefcase.  He looked at her.  "Aunt Athena?" he asked quietly.  She smirked and tipped her head.  "Then let's talk to the troll."

"Literal?"

"I'll let you decide that."  He walked her inside.  "My family's here to talk to him about my collar."  He walked her in there, interrupting the call between him and the mayor.  "Tell him I said hi."  He flinched and hung up.  "This is my Aunt Athena.  She'd like to talk to you."  He sat down, letting her do her worst.

"That...collar is a distraction to the students and staff."

"Only those who clearly spend too much time staring at him," she said dryly, putting down her briefcase. "I can promise you he's not going to take it off."

"He will or I'll expel him."

"Oooh, yay me," Xander said dryly.  He smirked at him.  "And again, I can sue the school and the town.  Especially since we can prove you've wanted various members of my family sexually.  Auntie, did you hear how he fell down on the floor and took a four hour sex nap, complete with stains, thanks to Grandfather?"

"I had.  Do we have it on tape?"  He nodded.  "You're sure?"

"Willow's mother has a copy."

"I'll get it from her tonight."  She looked at him.  "You look a bit smug."

"I was at the party last night.  It was a good morning."

"You're underage," the principal sneered.

"Not where the party was," Xander said dryly.  "It's amazing where you can get to in a few hours' travel."  He crossed his feet.  "He and the gym teacher don't like it.  Plus one teacher I had to explain it wasn't a slave collar from S&M practice.  She was satisfied that it was a family heirloom and for my protection since it has GPS or something on it."

"Which is a good thing with the way you were lost to us," she agreed, looking at the little man again.  Ares sent what he knew on him.  Hmm.  "So, do you enjoy staring at my nephew as much as you do my brother?"  He went pale.  "It was fairly evident with the way you're staring at him now.  That is sexual harassment and I'm quite sure that the state's school board, plus the police over that special area would be most happy to hear about it."  She leaned closer.  "That is not coming off him.  Neither is his anklet.  They are on there for his protection."  Because even she could feel the hellmouth.  She felt another one of them show up and straightened up when the door opened.  "Aunt...."

Hecate held up a hand.  "I'm here to talk to one of my students," she said with a smile for the principal.  "Surely you won't mind."

"It's the school day."

She sneered at him.  "I know toads who do that so much better.  Would you like to join them perhaps?"  He went pale and backed up.  "Good.  My student?"

"She's in History and Giles is in the library.  He lets us use the library for private meetings," Xander told her.  She nodded, leaving with that information.  He sent up a silent bit of information that the hellmouth was under the library.  She sent back a gentle touch then a swat to his head.  He looked at Athena again.  "I hadn't seen her yet."

"She doesn't often come out these days."  She looked at the pale principal.  "Now."  He went shaky.  "Are there further problems with your lust for my nephew?"

"I don't want him," he sneered.  "Maybe dead but I don't want him."

Xander looked at her.  "We know the mayor has his hand in things around here.  We know those two are close.  He's the one who comes up with the stupid excuses, like kids on PCP for the violence issues around here."

She nodded. "It figures.  A little mind would come up with things like that."

"I'll have you know I have a very good mind.  I graduated college."

She looked at him then blocked out the office, showing her true nature.  "I'm the founder of Xander's line," she said dryly, making him gape and whimper.  "Am I clear?"  He nodded, bowing and falling to the floor.  "Leave my nephew alone."  She lowered it again, appearing human.   "Ah.  I haven't done that in nearly forever."  She smiled at Xander.  "If you have more problems, call."  She kissed him on the forehead.  "Try harder in  your classes."

"Some of us aren't meant to be book smart, Auntie."

"Good point.  Try anyway."  He nodded, getting up to walk her out.  She did stop in the library, looking around, making a few books appear.  "Those will be needed sometime soon."  She looked at Hecate.  "I claimed the head of his lineage."

"The little troll deserves worse."

"True."  She smiled at Giles.  "Rupert."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "Such a good boy."  She walked out, heading back to the college she was teaching at.

Giles spluttered.  He finally stopped and stared at Xander.

"She's part of the family, Rupert," she said, working on the unconscious Willow so she quit egging on the hellmouth for a while.  Then she got done and released her.  "There, dear, you passed out a bit.  How do you feel?"

"Better," she admitted.  "I must've needed a nap."  She got up and hugged her.  "Thank you for the help."  She headed back to class.

Xander looked at his aunt.  "So he knows?"

"He knows and the future toad in the office knows you're a relative and a beloved one."  She got up and kissed him on the cheek.  "We will talk about your training soon."

"Spells go screwy around me," he warned.

"I've noticed.  We'll work on that so they won't.  It will affect your gifts."  He nodded at that and she left from right there.

He looked at Giles.  "Hi."  He reached over to close his mouth.

"Who is your grandfather truly?" he asked quietly.

"Ares, God of War."  He leaned against the checkout table.  "I'm kinda over weapons," he said with a sheepish grin.  "You're the only one who knows.  Are they still ranting about me having been at Aunt 'Dite's orgy?"  He nodded, swallowing.  "It changes nothing, Giles.  I'm still in training.  I just learned how to get out of handcuffs the other day."  He relaxed at that.  "I'm still mid-power breakout too."

"Very well then," he agreed, staring at him.  "There were rumors that there was a missing grandson."  Xander wiggled his fingers.  "The Harris'?"

"I think Cousin Erin put it that he went to have anger management issues on them.  I've heard they never showed up in the afterlife."

"Very well."  He looked at the boy.  "She was serious, do try harder with your studies."

"I try really hard now, Giles.  I'm still not getting it.  Some of us aren't meant to be book people."  That got a nod.  "Though it looks like she donated."  He smiled and went to look at them.  When he looked back Xander was back in class.  With those orders he couldn't skip without getting into trouble.  He smiled at the teacher, taking his bag from Willow.  "The troll objected to me again so we had a talk with the family and him ending up on the floor begging for mercy," he said quietly.  She patted him on the shoulder so he sat down in his seat.  Buffy was nose-in-the-air ignoring him.  Willow was rubbing her forehead but she looked happier.  Cordy was sneaking looks at him and he ignored them.  Ares had laid down the law, he was not allowed to date Cordelia.  He got into the study of what they were doing, still lost.  He had been lost all semester.  He felt something in his mind snap into focus and it made a bit more sense but he was still lost.  He heard a feminine sigh and she explained it to him. He asked where a few things came off of.  That lead back to being lost last year and she groaned, giving up after a few minutes' effort.  He tried the worksheet again.  He could do the problems but he wasn't sure how.

***

Ares appeared in the meeting area of the Gods, nodding at Hecate.  "How bad is the hellmouth?"

"Horribly open.  Again."  She sighed. "I did fix Willow's leaking problem.  The last time the child closed it it linked into her powers and is draining through her so I connected her back to the earth so she could dump it.  Alexander needs training in my area too.  It's tainted him for a very long time."

"It still goes wrong around him too," he said dryly.  He sat down in his usual seat.  "Let me get him to the point where he doesn't trip over his feet again.  He needs that more."

"Agreed.  Also I have to find some information for Ripper.  At least he's trying to train Willow."  He smiled at that.  "Things are a wreck down there."

Xander appeared.  "We do realize that they were set up to feed into the problem and to feed the walking problems?  That's the whole reason the town was set up by the mayor."  They both gaped.  "By the way, is he demonic?  He was giving me 'you're tasty' looks again."

Ares checked then nodded.  "Hecate, are you seeing something about an ascension coming up?"

"I am.  In a few years."

"It's the mayor," he admitted.

"Charming.  I was wondering why Athena put those books there."  She looked at Xander.  "Come here, boy."  He walked closer, letting her feel his aura.  "If we clean all the hellmouth energy off you, it'd leave you open to ours."

"If you do that I'll get hellishly sick, that's why I'm on the collar system," Xander pointed out gently.

She nodded, kissing him on the forehead.  "It would.  Gaia showed good sense to block that from you."

"Didn't she create that?" he teased, earning a laugh and a smirk back.  "So, where do I go from here?  Even Athena couldn't help with the sucky education."

"It'd be better if the town was evacuated and exploded," Ares told him.

Xander looked at him. "I know.  I also know that it won't happen.  You can't make everyone evacuate the town.  You can fix things so it's harder for them to work.  Remove the mayor, remove the principal.  Remove their toadies and it'll be harder to work.  We might actually get a school that prepares people for a career."

Athena appeared.  "It could only help."  She grimaced.  "They were teaching the seniors things that other schools get in sixth or ninth grade."

Xander nodded.  "Doesn't really surprise me since the school is only a diversion and time waster for most of the kids until they're eaten.  Sunnydale is set up like a farming operation, Auntie.  That's our grazing field to fatten us up for slaughter.  Though, that analogy doesn't work perfectly since the school lunch isn't something you can eat."

"The hellmouth itself is forcing some of that," Hecate admitted.  "It's the one who was prompting the mayor to set up the farming operations.  Even if we destroyed the town it'd come back within a decade, Ares."

"There's too much power there and it'll draw more people like the mayor and Ethan," Xander said.  She nodded.  "Would minimizing it help?"

"It would," Ares admitted.  "It'd bring down the death rate too."  He looked at Athena.  "Can it be fixed?"

She shrugged.  "With time and enough spare parts anything can be fixed.  That's going to need a whole overhaul."

"Some of the teaches are good," Xander countered.  "They're being held back by the system and Snyder.  He terrorizes the staff and the students.  We even have a teacher who's tried to get Giles online."

"I wish her much luck," Athena said dryly.

"She kinda helped put a demon on the internet, so they're dating now," Xander told her.  She walked off shaking her head.  He looked at Hecate.  "If we could start draining the energy now, would that help with the later plans to destroy the hellmouth?"

She thought about it then nodded.  "Technically we can't *destroy* it, Xander, but we can drain it in a more permanent fashion."  He grinned at that.  "It'd leave it active but not as active or as powerful."

"Or as dangerous," Xander pointed out.  "Which means the other reforms could work as well."

She nodded.  "It could."  She patted him on the cheek.  "You're definitely in the right house, young man."  She disappeared to look that up.

"It means less work for my people too," Ares agreed smugly.  Xander beamed at that praise.  "I'll also relent on the leather issue.  It's clear your Godhood is reacting with it and drawing them to you."

"I think the girls freaked because they found themselves wanting," he teased.  Ares smirked back.  "Can I tell Giles?"

"You can."  The boy disappeared. It was a solid outline of a plan.  Yes, his grandson was definitely one of his.  It was giving him a minor case of the warm fuzzies so he turned his mind to the overall plan before he *smiled* or something else that would scare others.

Xander appeared in the library out of sight and ran down the stairs like he had come in from the outer door.  "Giles.  Auntie H was here earlier.  She thinks there's a way to drain the hellmouth down to a less active level."  He blinked then gaped.  "Also, we have some new information you should know *now* so we can prevent later."  He felt a scroll hit his back belt line and pulled it out.  "This is for you on one of them.  I can tell you about the other."

Giles led him into the office, closing the door.  "There's a camera out there."

"I know.  And?  If he's listening he knows we deal with this shit."  He nodded.  "That's either on why Angel's a bad thing for Buffy to have or on the future ascension."  He went pale and read it.  Either topic was a horrible thing.  He looked up.  "Angel?"  He nodded.  He leaned down.  "The mayor is going to ascend, whatever that means, in the next few years," he said quietly.  "We were talking about the farming operations around here."

Giles patted his cheek.  "Thank you, Xander."  He beamed, standing up.  "You do know that the principal is going to have you expelled?"

"He can try.  I doubt it'll work."

"Good point."  He went back to the scroll.  "A few years?"  Xander nodded, making an assenting noise when he didn't look up.  "Then let me work on this one first."  He smiled at him.  "Do thank your aunt for the books on that subject, I had noticed that.  What about Willow?"

"She tied it off.  It was draining through her."

"Oh, dear.  No wonder she's had such an increase in power."  Xander nodded.  "Very well.  It's nearly the end of the year.  Any changes would probably take place over the summer.  Are you going to be around?"  He shrugged.

Ares appeared.  "Not really.  Now and then he will be.  I'll have him training with some of the other grandchildren and later down the lines to help him."

Xander looked at him.  "You mean I have more cousins like Tony?"

"Three," he admitted, smiling at him.  "You'll be seeing two and Tony this summer."  That got a nod.  He looked at Giles.  "You're right, doing it over the summer would be better."  He smirked at him.  "I want you to start working on strategy issues with him.  He's got a good mind for it, even if he can't do math very well."  He disappeared, going to where Athena was complaining about the troll to the school board.  He walked in looking normal.  "Did you mention that dream he had that day?" he asked.  The school board looked at him.  "She's my sister."  That got a knowing look.  "I'm the grandfather of Alexander Harris."

"I was getting to that," Athena told him.  "Not only are your schools so far behind state and federal mandates, there's the issue that the principal of the high school, a Mr. Snyder, has shown tendencies to stare at our nephew's backside and front.  Plus one day he laid down in the middle of the break area's floor and had numerous wet dreams where just any student could see him."  She handed over a sheet of paper.  "That's beyond the point that he's not accredited any more. He lost it after his last posting."  They groaned.  "That could cost your school funding.  That plus the sexual instabilities he has shown will not look good when my nephew has to sue him for harassment."

"Can you prove harassment?" one asked.

"I can," Ares said, pulling a file out of thin air.  "His disciplinary file is full of detentions for showing up."  He handed it over.  "My grandson has been under an enormous amount of stress due to the kidnapers being abusive alcoholics but this does not help him any.  He got one the other day for wearing clothes that matched."  That got a groan.  "He's done it to other students as well."

"The mayor does like him," one of the people on the board admitted.

Ares smirked.  "I work in defense contracting."  They all went pale.  "Xander will be following me into the field.  He's already picking up the specialized knowledge he'll need, even if he does suck in French and math.   If I have to twitch contacts to get the mayor to agree, I will."

They looked at each other.  "You might have to," one warned.

"Done," Ares said.  "Let me go make some calls."  He walked out, heading to DC personally instead of calling.  He appeared to the Secretary of the Navy in his office, making him jump and stare in awe.  "We've found my grandson."

"I heard.  Congratulations, sir."  He looked at him.  "What help do you need with him?  Someone to oversee his self-defense training perhaps?  I can assign Gibbs and your nephew if you'd like."

"I'll consider that offer.  No, there's a problem out there.  The mayor is being... problematic.   He very muchly wants to control my grandson and the power point out there."  That got a whimper of a groan.  "Exactly.  My grandson is on the protection patrol and it's putting him at odds with him.  Though he is looking good at strategy and he'll be over weapons."

"I'll make sure DiNozzo has what he'll need to learn from the new ones."  He looked at him. "Would a political scandal help?"

"He's over a hundred years old and he still looks like he's in his forties.  It's that sort of power point."  That got a nod. "I need him removed."

"Strike team, Lord Ares?"

"That's a thought.  Let's start with a scandal.  Right now, Athena is going over the school system.  It's bad enough that they set it up as a farming operation."  That got a shudder.  "I need to start subtly and have him want to commit suicide."

"I'll get with my contacts, sir.  What do you have?"  He handed over the dossier his people had worked up.  He looked it over then looked at his overseer.  "You weren't kidding?"

"No, and that military project someone likes?  Stop it before my grandson does.  We're working on lowering the threat levels out there."

He nodded. "I'll do that, sir."  He saluted him and Ares disappeared.  He sat down again and went back over it, calling a couple of people.  "I was just handed a dossier on someone who is hindering recruitment in his town.   Others want him out too because he's endangering some heirs who were recently found there.  Yes, DiNozzo's cousin.  Please."  He hung up and waited on his counterpart from the Army to come over and talk with him.  He handed it over.  "He's livid."

"He should be.  We can't recruit from there.  They can't pass the test."  They both called some contacts to let them know about the small town problem.  Including the senators from out there.  By that night the president had heard and was fuming that the man was doing 'bad things' out there.

***

Xander came to school two days later and found FBI agents in there.  "Wow, are we all under arrest?" he asked the one blocking his path.

"No, Mr. Harris.  We were warned not to let you near our suspect, that he has been making sexual threats to you.  Come with me please?"  He nodded, letting the guy walk him to his locker then homeroom.  "Will any classes take you near the office?"

"Not until lunch," he offered.

"Thank you.  If he comes near you, let us know, sir."  He walked off.

Xander looked at the confused looking teacher and classmates.  "Snyder made a pass at me," he excused.  "It's only one of the reasons the FBI is here I'm sure."  They all nodded.  "So I'm not allowed near the office."

"That's fine, Xander," the teacher agreed.  "Your grandfather complain?"

"And my Aunt Athena.  She's a college teacher," he said proudly.   "She complained a lot.  I did say that most of the teachers are very nice and being threatened by him."  That got a smile and he shrugged.  "You always tried to explain stuff to me when I felt stupid."

"He was holding us back."

The PA system came on.  "This is the FBI Agent in charge, Darren Peters.  Due to the files and information being found in the office at this time we are going to lock down the school.  You are to go to the class you have for first period and stay there until we say otherwise.  Thank you for your cooperation."  The system went off.

"I'm wondering what they found," Xander said, frowning some.

"Probably kiddie porn," another one said grimly.  "He leers at some of the girls too."

Xander nodded. "Not to mention that wet dream he had in the hallway."  That got a few other nods, and one girl who shuddered.  "That's just one thing she complained about.  Did you know we're doing sixth grade work?"  They gave him horrified looks.  He nodded.  "Yeah!  Some classes make it up to ninth in the senior year."  They all groaned.  "So she was right to complain.  Grandfather said that the military can't even recruit here we're behind so much."  That got a nod and they were released to their next class by the agent who came to the door.   He settled in next to Willow.  "What did they find?"

"Evidence of a serial homicide series, kiddie porn, and a few other things," she said, looking at him. "Plus plans on how to destroy the school with the mayor's name on it."  That got a single nod.  "I heard your aunt joined my mother in her complaints."

"Yeah and about the school being behind standards and a lot of other things.  Aunt Athena teaches at a college."  That got a nod from her and she slumped.  "Maybe they'll fix it so you can go great places," he offered with a smile.

"Maybe," she agreed. "It'd be nice to have higher classes to go onto."  The teacher walked in.  "We good?"

"We're fine.  Xander, thank your aunt for complaining when the troll hit on you."

"I have."

She smiled.  "Now, we're going to work today. The other teachers are in agreement that we're going to work today.  The state board is going to be giving everyone standardized tests to figure out where we are and if we should hold everyone back by a year to get people up to the standards of the rest of the state."  That got a few groans and glares at Xander.  "It wasn't his fault.  His aunt was right to complain."

"My aunt said I'm doing things that most kids do in sixth grade," Xander told them.  That got some horrified looks.  He nodded.  "Grandfather said that the military recruitment test isn't being passed by anyone here either."

The teacher nodded.  "He's right.  We don't pass it.  We don't pass any of the state's tests and we drag down the state's average for the national one.  I 'm surprised it didn't happen before.  The mayor did something so it wouldn't."  They all put their heads down.  "So let's get to work today so you can at least get *one* area near your own level."  They nodded, getting to work with her.  Willow helped Xander since she was ahead and it went all right.  The next day they'd be doing second period instead of first.  They kept that for the rest of the week, just in case so the kids might pass *something*.

***

Xander walked in that night, looking at his mother. "I spent a whole day doing English."  She gave him a hug.  "Thanks.  It's almost scary what they found in there."

"It was all naturally there too," she assured him.  He just nodded.  "Did you learn anything?"

"A little bit but my brain is fried."  He looked around before taking off his shirt and letting out his wings.  He sighed in pleasure.  "Willow kept patting me between them when I got frustrated."  She smiled at that.  "Now what?"

"Clean up for dinner?"

He kissed her.  "Love you."  He went to do that.

"Take a nap too," she called after him.  "It'll be a little over an hour."

"Sure."  He was a happy boy when he got up to his room, having to hide his wings suddenly.  "Buffy," he said loudly, alerting his mother.  "How did you sneak in?"

"Sorry, bad habit."  She looked at him.  "Giles found bad things about Angel."

He sat down on his bed, pulling back on his shirt.  "Sometimes that happens.  He is a vampire."

"Not that.  I knew those bad things.  He found out that if he gets happy his soul goes away."   She pouted.  "That means we have to break up."

"Buffy, think about it this way.  You're dating someone that your duty says to destroy," he said gently.  "It wasn't going to work out."  She looked at him.  "It wasn't.  It'd be like me dating Cordy."

She grimaced but nodded.  "I know.  But he's cute and he's sweet to me.  He's handsome."

"And there's plenty of other guys like that in the world," his mother assured her.  "Come on, we'll have a girl talk while Xander takes a shower."  She nodded, following her down to the kitchen for cookies and tea, plus a girl talk.  She understood very well about dating a boy who was bad for her.  Her father had killed her first choice and she told Buffy some of that story.  It made her feel better and she even promised to go with her when she broke up with him.  She left dinner on the table for the boys and took her to do that, then taking her home to talk with Joyce over ice cream.  She understood.

Xander peeked into the kitchen.  "Food," he called.  His father came out of the study. "Buffy had to break up with Angel.  Mom had a girl talk with her."

"That explains the ice cream and tea," he said, serving them and heading back to his office.  "I'm dealing with the checkbook.  Don't go hunting tonight."

"I wasn't planning on it.  Going to watch tv."  He went to do that, finding the local news was covering the arrest and search of the school by the FBI.  "Hey, Dad."  He came in to watch what was being said.  They all winced at the information they had found in the school.  "I'm hoping Willow wasn't found," he muttered.

"She wasn't," he assured him.  "I know the lead agent and I had a talk with him at lunch about the protection patrol you guys have."  He clapped him on the back.  "She's safe and so are you, son."  Xander beamed at him and he smiled back.  "You do know we want to be real parents?"

Xander looked confused.  "I thought you were."

He smiled.  "I guess it's just your mother worrying again."  He went back to the study to talk to his father-in-law about those things.  With the examples he had of parenting, outside of Joyce Summers, their casual roommate relationship was probably as close to parenting as he knew.

***

Xander flopped down after the last standardized test of the day, looking at his mentor.  "Hey, Giles, I think it's a good night for Miller time."

"It might be but you're still too young to drink," he assured him.  He came out of the office.  "Done?"  He nodded.  "The girls?"

"Willow's in the bathroom doing strange girl rituals.  Buffy's behind me somewhere. I have the feeling you're going to be seeing us for an extra year."

Giles smiled and nodded.  "It's possible."  He gave him a shoulder squeeze.  He felt the brush of something.  "Wings?" he asked quietly.  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Hide them better."  He watched the boy concentrate and he quit being able to feel them.  "Good job."  He went back to his office.  "We're expecting some other shakeups as well.  The mayor was arrested earlier."

"Couldn't happen to a nicer demon," he quipped.  Buffy and Willow came in.  "Found her doing arcane girl things?"

"Yup.  Mostly crying in stress."  She sat her down and sat across from him.  "So, what's up this weekend, Giles?"

He came out of the office reading another book.  "We need to lay low while the agents are still in town," he said, glancing up at her.  "Just in case."  That got a nod.  "Even though the lead agent does know about the Watchers.  His grandfather was one of us."  He smiled at Xander.

"My dad knows him.  He made sure they knew not to come near Willow."

"Good.  Even better."  He went back to his reading.  "We're starting on the usual summer slow down anyway.  It shouldn't be creating more problems."  He looked at Xander.  "That idea of draining some of the power?"

Xander snapped his fingers and found the scroll in his back beltline, handing it over.  "From Auntie H and Auntie Athena."

He smiled.  "I'll thank them later."  He looked it over, nodding.  "It's not that hard and we could do it over the summer."  He looked at him.  "Are you going to be here?"

"Part of it.  Grandfather wants me to meet a few of the other cousins like Tony is and get some training time in with them."

"What could you learn from Tony?" Willow asked.  "He's a Fed, right?"

"He's a Fed that investigates Navy and Marine crimes and he was a detective for a while before that," Xander told her.  "I do know at least one of them will be working on my self- defense skills.  Tony's promised to fix my rhythm problem on the dance floor."  She smiled at that.  "The other two we'll have to see what they can teach me."  Giles smiled at that and nodded, going back to his reading.  "Will I need to be here for part of it?"

"We could use the help," he agreed.  "Buffy, don't worry about yours.  This will be magical mostly."  She beamed and nodded at that.  "If we're right, this should lower the threat levels around here."

"Could only help," she agreed happily.  She punched Xander on the shoulder.  "Bring me stuff from DC?"

"Sure.  Postcard, t-shirt, or books?"

"Whatever.  As long as it's something I can use or wear."

"Okay.  Wills?"  She smiled and nodded.  "I can do that."  He looked at Giles.  "I'll get you book markers."  That got a smile.  The doors slammed open and he jumped up when he saw who it was.  "What do you want?"

"I'll get you for ruining my plans. You won't stop me," the mayor sneered.  "Nothing will stop me!  I made this town!  I took it from the natives who only guarded it!  I built everything that's here!"

"We knew you were a demonic people farmer," he said dryly.  "Anything else?  Prison is already giving you bad breath."  The man huffed and stomped off.  He waved.  "Thanks for the warning."  He sat down again.  "Okay, now I need a shower but the gym teacher is still there.  Need me tonight?"

"No, there's no patrol until the agents leave unless there's a problem," Giles told them.  "All of you go home for dinner."  They left, heading home.  Giles packed up his things and the precious scroll, heading home as well.

***

Xander stretched Friday night.  "Can I hit the Bronze?"  His parents nodded, giving him tolerant looks.  "Thanks. I'll be home at a decent hour if I can."  He went to change clothes, deciding on some clothes he could get into a fight in if he had to.  The Bronze was still the major demon hunting ground in town.  He came bouncing down the stairs.  "Night.  Don't wait up."  He headed off into the night.  It wasn't that far to walk.  It was a pretty night too.   He heard a 'be careful' from Strife that made him smile.  He didn't take the usual shortcut down the alley behind the supermarket.  The lights were out and he didn't want to be jumped.  He turned down the right street for the Bronze, wincing when he was grabbed from behind and drug into an alley, then tossed down and kicked a few times.  He hopped up and laid into the people around him.  "Fat chance."  His back started to itch but he had to ignore it for now.  At least until one of them smacked him hard enough to send him back to the ground.  Then he felt something move behind him.  He felt a weapon behind him and picked it up instinctively.  The flare of light from it made him pause.  "Hello."  He felt his mind drop and that was all there was of the attempted assault.

Strife looked at Ares.  "He just broke out."  Ares nodded, sipping his beer.  "We should go to him.  You know, help him?"

"He needs to know he can do it on his own," he said calmly.

"After we just found him?  He'll feel abandoned," Tony said as he walked in.  "Did we also forget that Xander's still got hyena taint?"  Ares sat up and glared at the viewing portal Strife created.  Tony looked too.  "He's gone."  They left, taking him with him.  "What am I going to do?"

Xander felt the power coming in and focused on them, sword held loosely in his hand.  "You are?" he sneered.

"Hmm," Tony said, carefully moving closer.  "Xander.  Xander, it's Tony.  Come here please?"  The boy gave him a confused look.  "I'm Tony.  You know me.  Sniff me.  You know me."  He let the boy sniff his wrist like he would a dog.  The boy licked him and cackled.  "That's right, you know me.  Come here."  He pulled him closer, Strife getting his back.  Xander sniffed him and groaned, shifting some.  "Shh, we've got you.  Can you drop the sword?"

"Mine," he said, staring at him.  "Mine!"

"I know it's yours.  We just want you to put it down for a few minutes, before you hurt us.  I don't want to explain sword cuts to Gibbs."  Xander sniffed him again, licking his throat.  "I know.  I taste good.  Please put the sword down?"  Xander let it drop and went back to nibbling on him.  "Here, mark Strife as your pack."  He let Strife have him while Ares floated the sword up and put it back onto Xander's back.  It wouldn't stick and fell again.  "He's out?"

"Fully out."  He changed it, making it an earring.  Xander frowned at him, then at his back when his wings came out.  "Shinier now."

"Very," Tony agreed.

"Oh my God, he has wings too," Cordy breathed.  "What sort of freak are you, Xander!"   Tony glared at her and used what little power he had to bring her to her knees.  "No fair!"

"Shut up," Ares told her.  "Xander?"  Xander hummed, going back to his nibbling.  "You're chewing on Strife.  Can I have him back?"

"No!" Strife said dryly.  "You nibble all you want, Xan.  Cupie won't mind."  Xander looked up at him, frowning some.  "My mate."  Xander pouted.  "You've got one somewhere," he promised.  Xander nodded, giving him a hug.  "You back?"

"Huh?"

"You went feral," Tony told him.  Xander blinked at him in confusion.  "You did.  Your sword of power came out and you went feral."  He pointed at the mess around them.  "What happened?"

"They were beating him pretty badly," Strife admitted, healing the bruises.  It finished bringing Xander back.  "There you go."  He smiled at him.  "Do I taste good?"

Xander frowned and nodded. "Like pink snoballs."  Strife cackled and gave him a hug.  He concentrated and his wings got hidden again.  "Sorry.  I know this'll cause problems, Grandfather."

He shrugged.  "You handled it well until you went feral.  We'll have to work on it."  He clapped him on the back.  "Want a beer?"

"I hate drinking."

"Good point."  He smirked.  "Aphrodite's?"

Tony gave him an odd look.  "Let's clean up the mess and Cordelia?"

Xander looked at her, smiling and waving.  "Hi."

"You're a winged freak like in those comics you used to read," she pouted.

He walked over and changed her clothes.  "No I'm not."  She glared at him.  He smirked.  He pointed at Strife.  "That's Strife, God of Mischief."  She went pale.  He smirked.  "That's why you won't be allowed to tell anyone."

"They'll know anyway!"

"I've had the wings for a while now, Cordy.  They haven't yet."  He let Ares block her mind.  "Thanks, Grandfather."

"Not a problem.  Just don't date her.  She's a shrew."  He looked at Tony.  "Go tell your grandmother that she's got to throw the coming out party."

Tony smirked and let Strife sent him back to Olympus for that.  "Grandma!"

"Tony, sweetie, I asked you not to call me that," she called back as she came out of her workshop.  "Why do you have blood on you?  Grody!  Go shower!"

"Xander just came out and went feral.  His sword won't go back.  Uncle Ares said you could throw the party."

She pinched him on the cheek.  "That almost makes up for you calling me Grandma."  She went to tell the others.  Hermes was going to be finding some of the cousins Ares wanted the boy trained with.  Plus some of the favored ones.  They could all use a good party.

***

Xander looked around the party the next night then at Strife.  "Everyone seems kinda bored."

"Everyone is kinda bored but it'll be better later," he promised.  "This is the formal part of the preparty."  He led him over to the sealed doors.  "When they open, we go through in hierarchy order, get introduced, and then the party starts for the younger and hipper of us."

"Okay," Xander said, thinking about it.  "So this is the old, stiff, boring guy part of the party?"

"Yeah and the political part," he agreed happily, leading him over to someone.  "Yo, Auntie Demeter, this is Xander."

"Xander," she said, shaking his hand, staring at him.  "You'll never be great in my areas."

He shrugged.  "I can't be good at everything.  Aunt Athena figured that out since I'm no good in school either."

She smiled a bit and nodded.  "It's a wise God that knows his limitations but doesn't let them fence him in."

"Oh, I'm finding new stuff all the time," he admitted.  "Like did you know that wings itch if you hide them too long?"

"Cupid has said that," she admitted.  "Go hang out with the younger crowd, dear.  They're much more fun and less political."  He nodded, letting Strife drag him off.  She smiled at Hera.  "He's a nice boy," she told her.

"Very.  A bit angry now and then but that's reasonable with the creatures who raised him.  Did they ever appear?"

"Not that my daughter's told me.  It's an interesting thought."  Hades appeared.  "You're late."

"Ares is looking for the boy."

She pointed.  "That boy?"

He groaned and called him.  "Strife has him," he said when Ares appeared.

He looked over and sighed.  "It's probably a good thing.  Xander's showing good skills in tactics."  He looked at Hera.  "Father?"

"Still fussing over his hair."

The Fates appeared and Zeus appeared behind them.  "That'll work," Hades said dryly.  "You might want to warn Xander."  He went to do that.  Zeus rang the gong and the doors opened.  He, of course, walked through first.

Hermes announced each of them as they walked through in hierarchy order.  When he came to Strife, he grinned.  "Erin, God of Strife and Mischief."

"Xan hates his full name," he warned quietly.  "Has a bad reaction."

"Rules are rules, dude," Hermes reminded him.  Xander came to the door.  "Alexander, God of Weapons and Tactics."

Xander looked at him. "I'll beg if you never call me that again," he said dryly.

"Rules, man.  Change your name or get onto the big guy for permission."

Xander nodded, walking down the stairs.  He created a small 'my name is' tag and had written on it 'call me Xander or I pop you one'.  He stuck it to his chest and smiled at Zeus when he ran into him.  "Since I have violent reactions to my actual name...."

"Tough."

Xander smiled.  "You sure that's your final answer, Great-Grandfather?"  He nodded, looking smug.  Xander punched him on the arm.  "That's fine, we'll just have to convince you differently."  He walked off, already making plans.  Strife burst out swearing and gave him an awed look so he waved at him.  The waiter stopped by with champagne.  "I don't drink.  Soda?"  One was gotten for him.  "Thank you."  He sipped then coughed.  "Without the rum?"  The waiter looked confused.  He handed it back and walked over to Aphrodite.  "I love you, Auntie."

"I'm sensing a but," she said happily, smoothing down his hair.  He ducked away and undid it.  "What's wrong?"

"I don't drink.  Ever."

"Crap."  She got him a soda and handed it over.  "There, that's better, dear."  She pinched his cheek.  "You're so cute!"

"Then I take it you saw me nibbling on my new pack members?" he asked, opening it and taking a sip.  She gaped and slowly shook her head.  He nodded.  "That reminds me, gotta find Aunt Artemis."  He went to do that, interrupting her and Athena.  "Hi, Aunties."  Athena smiled at him.  "I tried."

"I know you did, Xander. You tried very hard."  She patted him on the shoulder. "You'll get to stay in the same grade."

"Cool.  Will Buffy?"

"Barely.  Both of you barely."  He nodded at that.  "Did you need a tutor?"

"No, I needed to know about the going feral things before I bite Strife for real next time.  Or Tony."  He looked at Artemis, who looked stunned.  "When I got jumped, the sword showed up..."

"It was on your back," Athena told him.  "Hidden in the tattoo.  The Fates did it."

"Okay, that explains that.  Why did I go feral when I grabbed it?"

"You could have been partially there anyway," Artemis offered, laying a hand on his forehead so she could read his memories.  She nodded.  "You were heading there.  I can have some books to help you combat that sent down."  He beamed and hugged her.  "That's a good boy to ask," she said, talking down to him like he was an infant.  "Now, go drink and be merry."

"With my family?"

She sighed.  "We should have thought of that."

"Yeah, well, that and my full name," he said dryly.  He pointed at his sign at the confused looks, just getting nods.  "Who's with Tony?"

"That is one of the many cousins you'll be meeting soon," Athena told him, walking him over there.  "Anthony, Don."  They smiled.  "This is Xander."

Xander waved.  "Hi.  I know Tony.  Did I bruise you?"

"Very badly," he admitted but he was smiling.  "We'll work on it, Xander."  He pulled him closer.  "Thanks, Aunt Athena.  You might wanna go stop Grandma before the waiters all strip."  She scowled and went to stop the Goddess of Love.  He grinned at Xander.  "What are you thinking up?  Strife's still giving you horrified looks."

"I hate my full name."

"Ah, so going to get dispensation," Don said happily.  "So, you do what?"

"I'm in high school," he admitted.  "Other than that, I seem to spend a lot of time tripping over my feet recently."

"It happened to all of us," Tony assured him.  He grinned.  "What am I teaching you this summer?"

Xander shrugged.  "I don't know.  I figure you can teach me something and even if it's something I already know I can always learn it in a new way.  Plus you promised to teach me how to dance."

"I did, didn't I."  He grinned at Don.  "You're going to the big city to stay with him for a few weeks too."

"I'll try very hard to stay out of your way," he promised, grinning at him.

"It's fine.  I'm a cop, Tony's a cop, you can learn how we do things."

"Then who is he learning with?" Tony asked.

"I have no clue," Xander told him.  "All I knew about was you and a few cousins I'd meet soon."

Don nodded.  "Ares can be a bit like that.  They've got to be here to meet you though.  I saw your boss, Tony."

"I figured introducing him to Xander now would put him at ease."  He looked the other direction, biting on his lip.  "Ooh, there's Mac.  Brought him?"

"Yeah, he's moping."  He shrugged.  "He's a buddy."

Xander shrugged.  "I don't care if you two are getting it on like funky weasels.  It's not my business."  Don choked on his drink but nodded at that.  He looked around.  "Who's that?" he asked, pointing at the female.

Tony looked.  "That's....  Crap who is that?"  He frowned and pulled over the nearest God.  "Who's that?"

"Apollo's date."  He grinned.  "She's a show girl."

"That explains it.  Who else of the cousins is up?"

He looked around and pointed. "Jett's in the corner.  He's a date, she's a date," he muttered.  "There's 'Sephie with that girl from Texas."  He shrugged.  "There's one.  Tibia."

"Who?" Tony asked, looking that way.  "Oh, crap.  No.  No way in hell.  The same as we shouldn't let you train with Jett either."

"Is he good in weapons?" Xander asked.

"He's an assassin, he should be," Don said grimly.  He headed for Ares.  "You're not sending him to Jett.  Right?"

"It would do him good to learn how to sneak better," he said impatiently.

Don looked at him then burst out laughing.  "I think he's got some of that.  Me, Tony, and who?"

Ares frowned.  "I'm sending him to you?"

"Okay, or Mac."

"Mac I'll admit to wanting to mentor him."  He considered it.  "I was going to send him to Tibia."

"Why?  He needs to learn what VD and tequila is?" Don asked.  Ares choked at that.  "You know she is.  She's the Typhoid Mary of that side of the family."  Xander yelped and turned to slap someone hard, glaring at her.  "Hmm, temper control.  Good thing to learn," Don said, heading back that way.  "Don't hit the girls, Xander, they hit back, especially her.  Goddess Discord."

"I only pinched."

Xander glared.  "No pinching.  It's not yours.  I don't plan on engaging in incest, thanks anyway."

She looked stunned then burst out laughing.  "You'll do, Xander."  She walked off much happier.

Xander sulked, glaring in her direction.  He felt his wings twitched and concentrated on them.

"Behave," Tony said in his ear.  "Also, let the wings out."

"They get in the way and bop people on the head or try to smother them."

"We're used to it from Cupid," Don promised.  Xander checked behind them and let his wings out with a sigh of pleasure.  "You sure you're not from 'Dite's side of the family?"

"Ares gave her Cupid," Tony reminded him.

"I was talking about the sigh of pleasure."

"They itch when they're hidden for too long."  He felt a small hand touch one and looked back at the person back there.  "Hi.   You are?"

"Pan."  He smiled at him.  "They're nearly as soft as Cupid's."

"Thanks but I'm still a teenager, dude.  Don't want to embarrass everyone."  He snickered and walked off.   He looked at them.  "I am."

"Cupid used to get off when his wings were stroked too," Tony assured him, giving him a hug around the shoulders.   The party started to wind down and they all winced.  "That means Aphrodite's got something planned."   He saw Strife start to pant in exertion and Discord too.  "Oooh, no."  The lights went down and a woman came up onto the stage to sing.  "Oh, damn."

Xander looked at her.  "It's a siren.  Huh."  He took a sip of his soda, then changed it back to soda from the liquor it had been.  He had to do it a second time. The third time he used a reflection technique he had thought up and sent it back to the person doing it, drenching Discord and Hera since she was next to her.  "Quit trying to spike my drink. Thank you," he called quietly, making sure they heard it.  Hera swatted her daughter for it.  Xander took a drink watching her.  "Huh."  He shrugged, nudging Tony and Don from the spell she was weaving.  "You can kill them.  It takes blessed sea salt."

Don looked at him. "When they said hunting I was expecting deer, things for the table."

"Nope."

Tony shook his head.  "He lives on a mystical convergence point that leads to a portal to hell," he complained.  "He's on their protection society."

"Well, you can definitely learn not to hunt this summer with us," Don told him.  Xander grinned at that.  "Think you can get Mac and Gibbs out?"

Xander looked over and then concentrated, goosing them both to make them jump and look around.  Don waved.  "Hi."

"Hi," Gibbs said, looking at the sign.  "Have a thing about your name?"

"Yup.  Drunks."

"I've seen that before."  He clapped him on the arm.  "What is that thing?  Since DiNozzo let slip that you handle those things."

"That's a siren."  He looked around for Aphrodite, who was cooing at someone.  He sent the thought to her.  //Did we plan to enslave the whole pantheon, Auntie?//   She looked up and swore, nudging Cupid.  Then she nudged him harder.  //Blessed sea salt in the face and throat, Auntie.  That's how you kill those siren thingies.//   He took another sip of his soda and found her staring at him in horror.  He walked up there and kissed her, making her stop.  "You mind?  It's a party.  You're not letting them have fun."   She gaped and he grinned.  "Hi."  She swallowed and nuzzled him.  "I know, I smell good."  Ares growled and stomped up there, banishing her with Poseidon's help.  "Hi, Grandpa."  He hugged him then went back to his buddies, who were staring at him in horrified shock.  "I draw bad girls who want to kill me," he admitted.  "But Tony promised he'd teach me how to dance so maybe I can get a decent girlfriend.  Before Buffy and Willow succeed in making me try being gay for a while."

Mac turned to cough and laugh in the other direction.  "You're very blunt, Xander."

"I'm only delicate around women.  I'm surrounded by them and I learned to fear PMS.  Since they're still on different schedules I've only got one clear week a month."  They laughed at that.  "Not kidding!"

"You have to meet Buffy and Willow to understand," Tony told them.  Gibbs gave him an odd look.  "Really, boss, you do."  The woman who was someone's date pulled out a grenade.  "Xander, isn't that your area?"

Xander looked over and summoned it, then put the pin back in and stuck it in his pocket.  "Yup.  I'm sure it'll come in handy sometime soon on the hellmouth."

Mac and Gibbs both stared at him.  "You're over what?" Gibbs asked.

"Weapons."  Xander grinned.  "I like weapons.  Weapons pretty.  Explosions prettier but weapons pretty."

Mac smiled at him.  "We'll make you see normal people this summer, Xander," he promised.

"Okay.  Can we maybe make me meet normal girls who won't want to kill me too?"  They all nodded at that.  "That'll be kinda nice."

Ares came over.  "Grenade."  Xander gave it to him.  "Thank you, grandson."  He patted him on the back of the head.  "Your hair's messy."

"It's fashionable.  Willow and Buffy said so."

He walked off shaking his head.  "We need to find you more male friends."

"I have one of those.  Strife's still a boy, right?" he asked him.   He got a nod and a grin.  "See, I have male friends, Grandfather.  Don't worry about those.  Worry about girlfriends."

Ares looked at him.  "I'm starting to agree with Buffy, Grandson."  He sent the grenade back to his temple.  He muttered something and Discord cackled.

Strife looked over.  "Yes, I'm still a male and a friend, Xander.  Don't worry about guy friends.  Definitely worry about the girls."  He pointed behind him and Xander looked then waved and smiled at the siren, who was pouting.  He kissed her again and she sighed in pleasure before letting herself be banished.  Strife giggled.

"I'm going to agree with your female friends.  You're dangerous to women," Gibbs told him.

Xander giggled and hugged him.  "Thank you."  He beamed at Tony.  "Which one is Grandmother?  She never did the promised pouncing with cookies."

"Terpsichore?"  He looked then pointed.  "The one in the blue gauzy thing with the other muses.  'Scuse us, guys."  He walked him over there.  "Don't draw the siren to DC, please?" he begged.

"Not unless I have to so I can get away."

"I'll accept that."  He coughed.  "Ladies.  What's this I heard that none of you greeted the grandson one of you have?"  They cooed and pulled Xander in to talk to him.  "Watch out, the siren seems to like him."  He walked back, getting a drink on the way.  "He said he won't draw the siren to DC this summer unless he has to so he can get away," Tony told his boss, who grunted at that.  "He could probably use more self-defense training.  You can teach him to box, boss."  Gibbs smacked him on the head.  "Hey!"  He grinned at Mac and Don.  "You guys can find something to teach him."

"How is he in school?" Mac asked.

"Terrible.  He's not a book guy.  Not by any means."

"Then maybe some of the hands-on stuff would suit him," Mac said, smiling at Xander dancing with one of the muses.  "Tony, he definitely needs help with rhythm."  They watched as his grandmother took him in hand to slowly teach him what rhythm was.  Half the older folk left and the party got a bit darker and funkier, including the waiters losing most of their clothes so they were in black loincloths.

"Aphrodite planned it, didn't she?" Don asked dryly.

"Yup, since last night," Tony told him.  "I'm impressed."

Gibbs looked away from the kissing Gods on the other side of the room.  "You don't sleep with the relatives, right?"

"I tried Cupid once but no."

"Good!  Much better."  He took another drink until a soft arm went around his neck.  He looked back at the female person. "Yes?"

"Come dance with us, Studly."  She walked him out there, making him dance with her.  Xander spanked her and the spell ended.  "Meany!"

"He's supposed to be a nice guy.  Ask nicely if he wanted to dance and sleep with you.  Otherwise it's not good."  She pouted.  He glared back.  "It's not."

"Fine."  She looked at Gibbs, pouting a bit.  "Would you like to sleep with me tonight?  Or me and the other two Graces?"

He smirked.  "We'll see."  She beamed and went back to dancing with him.  The kid clearly had some morals.  Even if they could be a bit loose now and then.

***

Xander wobbled in the next morning, smiling at Cordelia.  "Hi.  Family party.  Just getting home.  Danced all night."  He wandered in to find his seat in home room.  "Hi."

"Hi, Xander.  Another party?"

"Family party.  Everyone was there.  I danced all night.  I just got back.   Hence the hipper than usual threads."  He sat down and realized his wings were out.  "Huh."  He hid them and they folded up comfortably.  "Sorry."

"That's all right.  I'm sure it was a hallucination."

"One of my cousins is in illusions.  Since it was a 'come meet the Xander' party he made me stand out really well."

She smiled at that.  "Then that's fine.  As long as they don't come back."  He shook his head and got comfortable on his desk.  She smiled when the first snore came out.  "Poor boy.  His family's overcompensating."   Cordelia stomped in.  "Did you see that wonderful illusion?"

She looked at her.  "He has wings."

"They were a great illusion."

Cordelia sat down next to Xander, looking at his back.  Nothing.  When first period came she poked him until he woke up and followed him, letting Willow try to unhide them on him.  She had told her and Buffy.  They had both laughed.  Willow looked at her and shrugged.  She waved and she tried again.  Xander gave them an odd look and they both smiled. He shook his head, turning back around.  They went back to it.  They created a lump on his back but no gray wings.  Xander shifted a few times in his seat and the lump went away.  At the end of class he handed Cordelia the feather that had fallen off thanks to Willow, teasing the back of her neck with it on the way out the door to make her jump.  He grinned and handed it over before heading in another direction.  She huffed and went to talk to Willow.  "See, wings."

She looked at it.  "It's a pretty feather."

"Xander had it.  He teased me with it."

"Are you sure he wasn't flirting?" she asked.  "That sounds like a Xander flirty thing."

"Eww!"

"Fine."  She used the feather to concentrate on.  Then she got a splitting headache.  "Ow."  She held her head, handing the feather back. "I can't.  I...  Migraines bad."  She went to the nurse while the others went to their next class.  "Migraines bad," she said, tears in her eyes.

"I didn't know you had them."  She laid her down on the couch in there after checking her over.  A sleep mask and a period's rest should help the poor thing.  She looked miserable.

***

Xander walked in that night.  "Thanks, Auntie Hecate," he called quietly.  He looked around.  "We safe?"

"I made sure Buffy couldn't sneak into your window again," his father offered.  Xander beamed and let his wings out.  "Feel better?"

"They've itched all day because Willow's been trying to unhide them."  He shook them out, watching as a few more feathers fell.  "Is that normal?"

"You'd have to ask Cupid.  I've never had wings."  He grinned at his son.  "Ready for a nap?"

"Yup, especially with patrol tonight."  He went up to his room with a blown kiss on the way.  He fell down on his side and curled up to rest.  He felt someone come in but grunted at them.  They stroked his cheek and it was nice so he finished going down.

Cupid looked at his feathers.  "The witch bent some.  Poor guy."  He preened his feathers for him. He was shedding badly so he called Apollo.  "He's shedding."

"It's not uncommon.  You shed grossly when you came into your powers."  The snore amused him.  "He's a cute kid."  He looked at his feathers.  "This looks like that and some bent feathers."

"That witch has been trying to uncover them all day."  He looked at him.  "Should we hurry it up?"

"He has patrol tonight," his father said from the doorway.  Both Gods shook their heads.  "He said so and he is more stubborn than Hera at times."  He leaned on the wall.  "What was he planning against Zeus?"

"Don't know," Cupid told him.  "All I know is he supercharged Strife *so* high he nearly exploded in confetti."  That got a smile from the father.  "'Pol?"

"He'll molt.  He needs time to molt."  He stepped back.  He looked down at the arm that had sneaked around his thigh.  "I thought you liked girls."

"I think he thinks you're his teddybear," Cupid said dryly. "Xander, let Apollo go?" he asked gently.  Xander grunted and pulled him closer.  "Come on, let him go and I'll stay."  Xander shifted back against him.  "Let the nice God of half of everything go," he said, making Apollo snort.  "I always wondered if you were the catchall or if you kept getting back in line when they handed out Godhoods."

Apollo smirked at him.  "Next time I'll let you molt," he teased.  "Xander, let go."  The boy growled.  "No, don't growl at me.  Let my leg go.  I have to go do God stuff."  The boy growled deeper.  He managed to flash out just after the teeth sank into his thigh, limping into Ares' temple when he reappeared.  "He bit me!"

"Yeah, if he grabs you he does," Strife told him.  "What's wrong?  Headache?"

"Molting.  Looks like Cupid did."

"His wings were nearly bare for two weeks," Strife reminded him.  He checked on his cousin, smiling at how he had pinned Cupid.  "They're cute together."  He banished the mirror.  "He wasn't kissing anyone gross today."  Apollo snorted and went home to let the muses baby him.  Life was not going to be boring for a very long time.  He looked up, frowning a bit.  He had asked Xander to let him oversee his first major Olympian prank but no one had seen Zeus today.  He wondered....  He searched Xander's mind, finding it open and willing to share with him.  Hmm, so he had started without him but the big finale  was something he was going to be howling from laughter at and Xander wanted him to witness that one.  He cackled and let his mind go, watching as he fell deeper.  He decided to do the nice thing and make Xander fully molt, that way he could get back to the regrowing part.  Not that the whole thing wouldn't itch but he'd live.  Cupid grumbled but he didn't care.  Asclepias and Ares appeared to look at the wings.  Xander made whimpering, begging noises and Cupid kept him calm while the healer worked to start the regrowth portion of the molt.  By the time the boy woke up he'd be featherfull and happy again.  Even if his wings did itch.  Cupid and Ares both helped him with that, letting him stay asleep for now.  It was a nice thing.  He went back to his plans, looking forward to the thing later tonight.

***

Xander was at breakfast the next morning when he heard his proper name shouted.  His parents looked at him.  "I don't answer to that."

"Good to know," his mother said dryly.  "What did you do?"

"I tried asking nicely for a dispensation for formal events so I wouldn't have to pop anyone in the nose for calling me Alexander."  They both smirked at that.  "Strife was amused."

"I'm sure," his father agreed.  Hermes appeared.  "Morning.  Toast?"

"He's going to be.  You have to answer when Zeus calls, Xander."

Xander looked at him.  "I don't answer to anything but Xander or my formal title."  Hermes gaped.  He beamed.  "I asked nicely first."

Hermes coughed and disappeared, zooming back up there.  "Zeus, he said he's not answering to anything but Xander or his title.  Something about asking nicely for a dispensation?"

The currently fuchsia King of the Gods, all from embarrassment because the boy had been mean and let others see, tapped his fingers on his throne.

"He did ask," Hera said kindly.  "He was even very polite and he does have a good reason.  The same as he didn't drink during his party."

Zeus looked at her.  Then at Ares.  "Does he answer it for you?"

"I'm not that dumb," he admitted.  "I know he'll ignore me."

"Fine.  I summon the God of Weapons and Tactics!" he bellowed.  Xander appeared before the echo vanished.  "Why did you attack me?"

"I did?" he asked, grinning some.  "I don't remember coming at you with a weapon."  He looked at Ares.  "Did I borrow one?"

"No," he admitted.  "He meant the part where you tied him down, covered him in glued on skittle and jelly bean pictures, let everyone on Olympus see him naked and covered in candy pictures making faces at him, and then let Strife film it."

"Strife filmed it?"  He looked at his buddy.  "Did it come out?"

"Yeah, and the immortal ants were cute too."

"Not me.  I don't deal that well with bugs."  He looked at Zeus then grinned. "I wouldn't consider that an *attack*.  I would consider that a prank.  I said I'd convince you."  He beamed and waved.  "Gotta go be tortured in school again."  He disappeared.

Hera tried very hard not to laugh but she couldn't stop.  "Who added the ants in his bedroom?"  Discord slowly raised her hand.  "Get rid of them before they spread, Discord."  She snapped her fingers and they disappeared with the candy.  "Strife, the film?"  He disappeared.  "Strife!"

"I'm locking it in the blackmail vault," he called back.

"Shoot, I didn't get to see," Hades muttered.  Ares nudged him and handed over a mirror of it, earning a smile.  "Thank you."

Zeus looked at them.  "Must you?"

"He was being playful," Ares pointed out.

"Fine, from now on the God of Weapons and Tactics may be known by his nickname unless I'm personally yelling the full name to get his attention."  Hermes made note of that and zipped off.

"He had worse planned," Strife called, reappearing behind Ares.  "So if a chorus of show girl show up....."  He disappeared again when Hera scowled.

"He wouldn't upset you, Mother," Ares promised.

"Uh-huh.  A chorus of showgirls?"  She looked up.  "Xander, dear, can we see that one anyway?"   He snuck up behind Zeus, clapped on Hephaestian chains on him, stripped him naked, then willed up the chorus of fat, unshaved, dirty haired show girls in see- through clothes that looked exactly like what Aphrodite wore.  Then he blew a kiss at Hera before going back to his trek to school.

Aphrodite stared, then at Ares.  "Who warped him?"

"His parents."

"Why?" she asked.

"They were drunk."

"Drinking is bad.  I'm going to ban heavy drinking from most of my parties from now on."  She got up and went to have a headache in peace.

Hera was nearly in tears from laughing so hard when one of the fattest jiggled her belly in a strange lap dance that left much to be desired.  A four-hundred-fifty-pound woman just was not built to do a good lap dance.  Neither were the other nine of them who were all just barely lighter.  Sagging breasts, jiggling, hairy bellies.  Unshaven armpits, legs, and untrimmed bikini lines.  A few even had ear hair.  Zeus was whimpering.  "The boy was right.  I could not be upset by this chorus line," she said finally.

One leaned down to kiss Hera.  "Happy Birthday, My Queen.  Can we do another number for you?"

"Go ahead," she said with a wave of her hand.  And they settled in to do their impersonation of the Rockettes.

Ares tipped his head back, he could hear Strife howling in laughter.  He looked at his twin sister Discord, who was staring at them in shocked horror.  She finally burst out crying and left.  Ares looked at Hades.  "Yup, he's one of my house."  He got up and tipped the ladies then sent them back to their proper places.  Then he walked away laughing his ass off.  The rest of them did the same, leaving Zeus strapped down naked and whimpering.

A picture floated down to land on his stomach of all the ladies in skimpy bikinis that even Aphrodite wouldn't wear for the lack of cloth.  It was signed and had lipstick prints.  It was addressed to Zeus.  He burst out crying.  The boy was mean!  Very, very mean!

Strife came out to undo him.  "It's all right, Zeus.  He's a good boy most of the time until you piss him off."  He let him calm down.  "Now, why don't you go rest in one of the guest rooms?  Let Hera baby you?"  He nodded, going to do that.  Strife sent the picture to Hera's room and headed back to his rooms to go back to howling in laughter.  He had never been that mean but it was so fun!  He sent a copy of the tape to Tony.  That way he'd have warning.

***

Tony looked at the tape that appeared in his desk drawer.  "I'm not sure I want to know."  It was labeled 'Xander Convinces Zeus to Use His Nickname Instead'.  He decided to go watch it in the evidence room, just in case.   The first one was really funny.  He had to admit that.  The hearing was good but the chorus line made him cackle so high pitched someone went running to Gibbs to stop him before he broke something.  Gibbs came in so Tony rewound it, letting him see.

Gibbs squeezed his eyes shut on the chorus line.  "We'll straighten the boy out."  He ejected the tape, looking at the title.  "I would've spanked."

Tony cackled, taking it back.  "Zeus always said mischief could never get him," he giggled, going out to his desk.  The others gave him odd looks.  "Cousin," he laughed.  "Got even."

McGee grimaced.  "That good?"

"Chorus line," Tony cackled, falling into his chair to laugh.

Gibbs came out.  "Someone filmed his cousin Xander being mean to someone who kept using his full name.  Remember that when he shows up this summer for some training time with DiNozzo."  He looked at his panting agent.  "You done?"  He nodded, running to the bathroom.  "Good.  Let's not mention this again."

"Chorus line?" McGee asked.  Gibbs glared at him.  "Never mind, I might be horrified with the way Tony was cackling."  Tony came back looking much more calm.  "Is your family related to a mischief God?" he teased.

"Kinda but my family is more related to a love god."  He grinned at him.  McGee just shook his head.  "I'll introduce you sometime."  He got back to work.  "Next time I'll wait until after work, boss.  Um, did I mention yet that the post office said she's got three different addresses?"

"You hadn't.  Are they relevant?"

"One's the PO Box that the threat came from."  He looked up.  "Enough to ask?"

"Enough to interrogate," he decided.  "Come on, DiNozzo.  The fresh air will do you good."

"On your six, boss," he agreed, hopping up to follow him.

McGee looked at Kate.  "Think we can sneak the tape?"

"It'll only take them an hour to get her.  We can wait.  He'll brag later."

"If you're sure.  I was going to let Abby see it."

Kate looked at him.  "Don't do that.  She'll never get anything done and then Gibbs will growl and bite."  She went back to work.  "Do you have anything?"

"Not really."  He kept looking.  He'd get the tape later.  She was right, Tony would share.

***

Xander skipped into Tony's row, beaming at him.  "I'm here.  They said so. They also said I had to bring those leather pants to make sure it wasn't a Sunnydale thing."

Tony looked at him.  "You're not supposed to be here for two days."

"It is two days."  He moved his computer's mouse over the time/date function, letting him see.  Tony groaned.  He kissed him on the head.  "Can I help?"

"We've been working on a missing person's case."

Xander nodded slowly.  "Could someone like Willow help?"

"Tried that, didn't work," he said quietly.  That got a nod and Xander moved to read over his shoulder.  "Not allowed to show you," he said grimly.

"Have you tried looking in the national forests since it says she likes to camp?"  They all stared at him.  "That's what the file says," he said, pointing at it.

Tony put a query into the system.  "There's a lot of parks around here."

"Where did he get that?" McGee asked.

"Um, purchases for a four man tent, two sleeping bags, camp stove, pots for a camp stove, thermal underwear," Xander said, reading off the receipt.  "Two other things that are listed by code but not name and then two candy bars."

Tony looked at the receipt then at him.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome.  It's nice being useful.  Can I do anything else?"

"Go make coffee," Gibbs ordered.

"Sure."  He went to do that for them, finding the break room easily enough.  One of the people in there gave him an odd look.  "I'm up to study with Tony for a few weeks."

"Why?" another female asked.

"Because I'm his cousin."  He gave her an odd look.  "Because he's a nice guy and he's going to teach me how to dance in clubs and other important life skills so I quit dating girls who want to kill me?"  They just walked off at that shaking their heads.  He shrugged it off and went back to his coffee making, bringing the pot out when it was done.  Tony grinned at him.  "I told the nosy people I was up to study under you and you were going to teach me how to club."

"I am," he agreed.  "Also we're going to work on your weapons skills and tracking ability."  Xander beamed and went to refill the other cups too.  He sipped.  "Good coffee, Xander."

Gibbs sipped.  "Not too strong but good enough," he agreed. Xander smiled and took the pot back then came back.  "Sit.  It's going to be a while.  He can let you into his place during a dinner break."

"Sure.  I don't mind."  He settled in next to Tony's desk but slightly in his alcove.  "What are the two code thingies?  Weapons?"

Tony looked then at him.  "For one-fifty each?"

"You can get some cheap shotguns for that.  I've been hyping our arsenal at home."

Tony looked up the store online.  "Boss, gotta go there to ask them.  I'll take Xander home."  He got up and walked him out.  "That was a really good thought."

"It could narrow down the park too.  Not all of them would allow hunting," Xander pointed out.

"Good point.  Plus the licensing would mean we'd get another name if it was a shotgun."  He smiled and let Xander into his car.  "Bag?"  He pointed at the backpack.  "That's all you brought?"

"It's linked back to the closet," he said once he was inside the car.  "Strife packed.  Well, repacked since Buffy and Willow packed the first time."

"That's fine."  He took the boy to his place and let him in then headed off after a warning not to destroy anything.  The camping supply store was very helpful with the sight of his badge and the receipt.   He came back to the office.  "He was partially right.  A twenty-two caliber rifle and a compound bow, boss."  He put down the information he had gotten.  "They also picked up maps and hunting information five days ago on two different parks."  He put down copies of those.  "The gun was registered in her name and the clerk did get his since he paid for it."  He put that one down as well.

"Good work."  He handed out the state parks.  "Call, find them."  Tony took the guy's name and went to run a search on him.  Missing four days was too long.

***

Tony got home that night and Xander handed him a plate of microwaved food.  "You cooked?"

"As good as I can."   He grinned.  "I knew you'd have a late night after spending all afternoon tramping through a park."

"One of the rangers remembered seeing their campsite.  Led us to it."

"Gone?"

"For some reason they had pulled their cookstove into the tent.  The fumes off it knocked them out and hopefully killed them before the stove turned over and burned them half to charcoal.  The sleeping bags were fire retardant and snuffed out the flames inside.  McGee nearly passed out from the gas fumes too."  He sat down and dug into his dinner.  "So, what happened while I was gone?"

"You had two females call and I told them I was a pesky younger cousin in for a few days but you could easily dump me if they were your girlfriend.  One cooed at the idea of dropping me somewhere like an amusement park for the day and then coming back to have dirty, nasty sex.  She was thinking out loud."  He handed that message over.  "The other one said family was too important to do that too and she wanted to meet me."  He handed over that one.  Tony smiled and shook his head.  "Then one of the old ladies up the street came up to quiz me about your love life.  I had to admit I hadn't been here to watch you before now.  She's pouting but she made you cookies.  They're in the kitchen.  Your landlord came up too and I told him I'd tell you once you came home but I was expecting it to be very late because of the current case.  So you need to call him and I didn't ask why."

"I probably forgot to slide the check under his door," he admitted.  "I've had some long hours recently."

"I hear you guys have theme parks around here."

"We do."  He grinned.  "I've got this weekend off so we can go."  Xander squealed and hugged him.  "You picked that up off the girls," he taunted.

"Well, yeah.  All I have around me are girls.  And Giles but I don't think he counts at the moment.  Even Strife's been busy."

"We all are now and then," Tony admitted, putting his plate down.  "Thank you."

"Welcome and there's seconds and cookies."  Tony smiled and went to get that and his cookies.  He came back.  "So what else are we working on?"

"I don't know.  I know tracking skills will always help you.  Weapons you need to go over and we can get you manuals if Gibbs doesn't already have them for you.  When someone came to ask for a political scandal and step-in for your mayor Gibbs got sent a few weapons manuals for you."  Xander nodded.  "You're over tactics too?"  Xander nodded.  "Then you guys can go over that.  I'll help you with the weapons manuals and tracking since I do okay in that area, and then we'll help you shop and learn how to attract *good* girls."  Xander gave him a shy look.  "How much did your mother send with you?"

Xander looked confused.  "I don't think she did."  He got into his backpack to look then shook his head.  "She didn't."  He looked at him. "I have some money.  The 'rents had life insurance and since they're dead...."

"They let you file for it?"

"It's through an office in Sunnydale.  They're used to people disappearing.  All they needed was a statement from the Feds that were out there that they had died in federal custody.  One of them gave it to him and wham, I've got about three grand."

Tony grinned.  "That'll work."  Someone knocked on his door.  "That's Gibbs."  Xander went to get it, taking the stack of manuals he handed over.  "Hey, boss.  Cookies in the kitchen."

"You make cookies?" Gibbs asked Xander.

"No, his neighbor does and she brought them over to try to get gossip about his love life."  He sat down with a grin, going through the manuals.  "Cool."  He opened the first one.  "Training manuals," he said happily.

"Along with designs, just in case you have to disarm some," Gibbs told him.  He came out of the kitchen with a cookie  "There's another stack in the car."  The boy hopped up and went to get them, letting Gibbs sit down.  "Schedule?"

"Tracking, tactics, weapons.  Fun."

"That'll work. He's only in for a few weeks."  Ares appeared and he waved.  "Lord Ares."

"Where is my stupid grandson?"

"Getting manuals," Tony told him.  "What happened this time?"

"I heard your question."  He handed over something.  "He managed to leave his other bag there."  Xander came in and kicked the door shut, earning a look from Tony for that.  He gave him a sheepish look.  "Xander, you left a bag."

"I did?"

"You did, moron."  He cuffed him on the head.

"Hey!"  He sat down, going back to the first manual.  He looked at him.  "What other suitcase?  I only have one."

Ares handed it over.  "Your mother leant you one of hers."

Xander put it down and opened it. Then he looked at him.  Then at Tony.  "Mom must think you're going to get me laid.  She packed leathers, thongs, and lube."  He zipped it back up and put it aside because that was scary.  Very, very scary.

"I think the girls did that last one," Ares admitted.  "She also sent you with a shopping allowance since nothing in Sunnydale suits you other than jeans and a t-shirt."

Xander frowned at him.  "I'm not exactly the leather or the suit sort, Grandfather," he said, looking a bit confused.  "What's wrong with jeans?  I can get dirty and hunt and track in jeans."

"Sometimes you have to have a suit," Tony told him.

Xander slowly shook his head.  "No I don't.  I don't do things that would require a suit."

"Higher end dating?" Gibbs said dryly.

Xander frowned worse.  "There's nowhere like that in Sunnydale and dating bad.  Everyone said that me dating is a very bad idea."

"Only if you date Cordelia," Ares sighed, handing the envelope to Tony.  "His.  Don't spend us poor.  Try to find him a decent woman."

"I'll try."  He grinned.  "Anything else you want us to teach him?"

"Tracking, tactics, and weapons.  You've only got him for two weeks."

"Good point.  Thanks, Ares."  He nodded and disappeared.  Tony looked in the envelope.  "Hmm.  Olympian MasterCard."  Gibbs choked.  "They're very nice."  He called to activate it and heard the limit.  "You've got five grand on it, Xander."

"Okay.  I doubt I can find anything that costs that much."  He shrugged and got back to his reading.  "Do I get to touch the hands-on models too?"

"I'll see," Gibbs told him.  "I'm going to be quizzing you on each one."  Xander looked up and nodded at that.  "Good.  We'll work on tracking this weekend since we're off."  He stood up and Xander gave him a hug.  "You're welcome."  He nodded at Tony, heading out.

Tony grinned.  "What else is in that one?"  Xander handed it over so he could see it.  It was a bit scary.  If it had been a girl's suitcase it was a clubbing/getting laid suitcase.  Leather pants, thongs, tight t-shirts, jogging shorts.  "You run?"

"Only when I'm being chased."

Tony smiled.  "I run, you can learn with me."  Xander gave him an odd look.  "Sometimes I have to run after suspects; I have to stay in shape.  I run three days a week."

"I run about four days a week but usually about a block and then I'm out of breath.  Buffy still likes to use me as bait."

Tony smiled at that.  "Jogging is different and you could use the conditioning.  It'll lead to muscles and muscles are good to women who're hunting for boys."  Xander shrugged and nodded.  "Sneakers?"  He lifted a foot.  "I guess those'll do for tomorrow."   Someone pounded on the door so he got up to answer it, looking at his landlord.  "I was going to pop down on the way to work in the morning since Xander said you came up.  Did I forget to pay you?  I've had some painful cases recently."

He snorted.  "You missed both informational meetings.  The building's going condo."

Tony blinked at that.  "Uh-huh.  We have information on that?"  It was handed over.  "Thank you.  Thanks for the warning too.  How long?"

"Six weeks."  He smirked and walked off.  "Good luck with that."

Tony shut the door then threw a quiet fit.  He came back and found Xander making boxes.  "Thanks, kiddo."  He gave him a hug.  "I'll find somewhere better."

"I can hunt online and weed things out."

"Sure, that'll help.   Did you bring a laptop?"

Xander grimaced then shook his head.  "Computers and I aren't always the best of friends.  Now and then they really hate me.  We have one at home and Dad has one.  Generally I get online for porn and my email."

"At your age I probably would have too," he admitted, smiling at him.  "I'll make a list of what I want tonight."  Xander nodded at that.  "Good.  Let's get you settled in."

"I already made up the futon in your office."

"Even better."  He checked the time.  "It's eleven?"  Xander smiled and nodded.  "That means it's eight your time."

Xander gave him a hug.  "It's all right.  I can amuse myself.  Especially if you get me online?  That way I can write Willow with an e-card."

"Saves on postage," Tony teased.  He went to do that and then go to bed.   The boy started an apartment search on one window and went to hunt down an e-card on the other.  A teddy bear with a sword one?  Well he supposed someone made one.  He went to shower and go to bed, thinking about the condo option.  It'd mean that he could have a bigger apartment.  "Hey, Xander, forty-five minutes from the shipyards," he called.

"How far out are we now?"

"Thirty."

"Okay."  He amended his search and looked at a few things.  "Wow."  He left that one running and went back to his e-card hunt.   He finally found one he liked and sent it to both of them.  Then he emailed himself the link to the e-card.  That way he could send one from New York too.

***

Tony looked around the house Xander had found for rent.  "This is nice," he told the realtor.  "It's how much a month?"

"Twelve hundred plus electric and water.  It's all electric, even the heater."

Tony looked at him.  "Okay."  He kept going.  "Are there any glaring repairs that need to be done?  The roof, anything like that?"  The realtor shook his head.  "Why did the last person move?"

"There is a tuba player up the street."  He opened a window and they could hear him tuning up.  "And your next door neighbors host a Church on Sunday morning.  They were more scared of the church goers since she had to file a restraining order after they tried to burn her for being pagan."

Tony nodded.  "That could be a drawback but I'm a Fed and I can charm most anyone."  He looked further.  "I like this."  He smiled.  "Okay."   He let him do the paperwork and run the background and credit check.  Tony gave him his ID number and that got it moving faster.  By the time they got to the car he had his whole background done.  He smiled and nodded, letting Tony sign the final papers and hand over money.  "The rest on payday in two days?"

"That'll work.  Why the sudden move?"

"Going condo," he sighed.

"That can happen," he admitted.  He handed over the keys.  "Make sure I get that other check."

"I will."  He shook his hand.  "Not like you don't know where I am."  That got a laugh and a nod.  Tony went to the office, checking his balance.  He winced. That would leave him two dollars.  He canceled his automatic payments and looked at his boss.  "Found somewhere.  Checks had best not be late."

"Why were you looking?" Gibbs asked.

"I got told last night my building is going condo.  I missed both informational meetings."  McGee winced.  "Exactly.  Thankfully Xander found me a house.  Nice, fifteen from here.  More than big enough to wander around in when I want to.  The only draw back is a church is next door and they harassed the last person.  She had to file a restraining order since she was pagan."

McGee looked at him.  "That gothic, dark, loud shutters house?"  Tony grinned and nodded.  "You know the tuba player goes most of the night?"

"I'm pretty sure I can block out the sound from that direction.  Movies are wonderful for that."  That got a smirk.  "They are.  And if the church wakes me up on Sunday mornings I'm sure I can be reasonable and block off that noise too."  He would want to do that.  He made a mental note to teach Xander how to do sound blocking for him.  He leaned back.  "Boss, anything else on our plate beyond the paperwork?"

"Do the paperwork and then we'll see."  That got a nod and Tony got back to it.  He knew that house so he was mentally shaking his head.  That church was going to drive him nuts or they'd be arrested for harassment.  He knew them.

***

Xander looked over as Tony pulled into the new place.  "The ladies next door remind me of the stories I've heard of maenads."

"Wild, drunk women throwing parties with blood?" Tony asked.  "Interesting church."

"Wild, drunk women, and wanting blood," Xander offered.  He came over to hand Tony something.  "Your bank called today."  He winced.  "I put in three hundred because you forgot you went grocery shopping.  Pay me back sometime before I go."

"Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome.  I figured moving would be expensive."  He started hefting and toting boxes into the house, going where they were labeled.  "Are you using the dining room as your office?" he called.

"Please."  He carried in the next box and came out to find three women staring at the truck.  "Hi, I'm Tony."  He shook their hands.  "I heard you met my cousin Xander earlier.  He's in town for a few weeks."

"He said you're a Fed," one said bluntly.

"I am.  I'm with NCIS.  That's Navy and Marine crimes."  That got a bit of relaxed tension.  "Before you ask, because I heard you were going to, I'm very happy with my church."  He handed Xander another box, watching as he walked inside.  "Mine's the big one with the purple wallpaper," he called.

"Okay."

"Do you work on the Sabbath?" one demanded.

Tony looked at her.  "No one told the bad guys that they can't work then so we have to sometimes.  It does the victims no good if we wait an extra day to help them."  She gave him a horrified look.  "My team deals in major crimes.  Homicides, rapes, those things."  They stepped back.  "So yes, sometimes I do have to work on Sundays.  Don't worry, your worship won't bother me in the least," he finished with a charming smile.

"You should join us," the one in the back said.

Tony looked at her.  "I like my church.  It's comfortable and comforting to me after the bad cases."  She sneered.  "My minister used to do the same job I do.  He understands when you've seen one too many murdered people."  They all backed up.  "Now, anything else, ladies?  I'm a perfectly reasonable and nice neighbor."

"That boy of yours...."

"My cousin?  Xander?"  He came jogging out, handing over a bottle of water.  "Thanks."  He sipped it then grimaced.  "Refilled from the tap?"

"Sorry."

"That's all right.  We'll fix that part later.  The ladies wanted to know more about you."

Xander grinned. "I'm from Sunnydale, out in California." They all gave him horrified looks.  "As a matter of fact, my best friends, Buffy and Willow, might be coming out too."  They turned and ran.  "Have a nice day, we only bother those who hurt others," he called with a wave and a smile.  He looked at Tony.  "Demonic."  He grabbed another box.  "Yes, I created, I didn't fill.  I tried."

"We can work on that," he promised.  He got another box and pulled it inside.  The landlord came over and he handed over the check dated in four days.  "To give it time to clear."

"That's fine, Tony.  What did you say to them?  They just called up wanting to move."

"They were a bit unnerved by my cousin, who's in for a few weeks."  Xander bounced out all happy grins and puppyish hopping around.  "They also didn't like that crime happens on Sundays."

He laughed.  "I figured you could handle it."

Xander leaned on the side of the truck.  "I don't know why they didn't like me.  I'm from a good little small town in California that's stuck in the fifties."

The landlord grinned.  "They're a bit odd."

"I guess.  Can I help Tony paint the bathroom to cover up that yellow?  Because yellow is bad.  It's for sunny and bright girls who bounce and sing to boy bands."

The landlord walked off laughing.  "As long as it's suitable and good when you move out, boys."

"Thank you," Tony called, waving a hand.  He looked at Xander.  "We'll work on your decorating skills too."

"See, I knew I'd learn a lot."  They carried in more things and arranged everything by that night.  They had to go back for Xander's things and to clean out the kitchen but otherwise it was fine.  Xander came back the next morning to clean everything else and get Tony's security deposit back.  The landlord was grudging about it and about how Tony had fixed a few cracks for him.  Xander bounced into Tony's row a few hours later, handing the check to him.  "Yours, oh, cousin mine.  Are you still off this weekend?"

"We are," Gibbs told him.  "He all moved?"

"Yup but not unpacked."  He looked at his cousin.  "Want me to start on that?"

"Slowly and carefully.  Doing it *that* way means that some of the DVDs erase."

"Okay."  He gave him a hug and bounced out, heading back to the house.  He found the church moving and dove in to help them, earning some shocked looks.  "I only bother hunters," he assured them happily.  "Besides, it's this or weapons manuals."  He grinned and they let him carry things all he wanted.

Tony got home and helped with the last few boxes, both of them wishing them a good new spiritual home.  Then they went inside, Tony to unpack the movies and Xander to work on his redecorating skills.  He had the concentration down but Tony nearly winced at some of the colors coming out.  "Um, Xander.  Are you color blind?" Tony asked finally.  He gave him an odd look.  "That shade of green goes with *nothing*.  Not even the black border you put up."  He gave him a hug to soothe the criticism.  Then they got to work on what colors he wanted things.  He was getting a lot of work on his color matching and concentration skills.  Making all the walls the same color was kind of hard when you were just starting out.  They finally got done and Xander collapsed onto the couch with a sigh of relief.  "I know it's hard work thinking that hard.  Pizza?"  Xander smiled at him.  "Sure.  We'll get pizza."

"I'll pay."

"I finally have money again."  He went to make that call and Xander ended up paying anyway since his card was still locked with the deposit being switched over.  That was fine though.  He got a note from Ares saying to take him shopping afterward.  That he needed Xander to look a bit geeky but professional in a few days.  Tony handed over the note and Xander shrugged, going to find his clothes.  He came down showered and changed into dress pants, loafers, and a decent enough shirt.  "That's geeky," he agreed. "Could use a better shirt but otherwise that looks geeky but professional to me."  Xander beamed and went to change back, coming back down in pajama pants.  "Want to go shopping anyway?"

"Not really.  I could use a washer though."

"The old building had one of those," Tony admitted.

"You have the hook ups."  Tony frowned so Xander showed him where they were.  "See?"

"That's a later buy," he decided.  He walked Xander out with him.  "I'll show you where the laundry is tomorrow."

Xander looked at him.  "Fortunately I got a tracphone so I can do a cab."

"Can't you drive?"

Xander slowly shook his head.  "Not yet."

"We'll fix that too.  I'll let Don know if we don't get you up to the point where you can take your test."  He took him out to do some mild shopping, showing him how things matched better.  It was a lesson that had to be stressed sometimes in Xander's life.  He still wanted to pair some ungodly created colors with basic neutrals.  He finally had to look at one shirt.  "I love Hawaiian shirts.  I've had a thing for Magnum for years," he assured him.  "I don't mind those.  That one looks like Bacchus puked after a party at Hermes'."  Xander gaped at him then burst out giggling.  "I'm serious.  It should be criminal.  You shall not wear that ugly of clothes.  Ever."  He steered him away from the print shirts, taking him to the better neutral ones and ones with simple patterns.  "Stripes up and down make you look taller.  Thinner is better than fatter because fatter can make you look more bulky.  You wear polka dots at your own risk.  Last time I did, Grandmother nearly killed me ripping it off me."  Xander held up a diagonally stripped shirt.  "The colors are nice but with your body it might make you look like a hunchback.  I only let that pattern on ties, Xander."  He checked the name on the wall to make sure the place wasn't called The House of Ugly Shirts or something equally telling.  He never had this problem when he shopped here.  After the next shirt that looked like a puke pattern with gunshot residue he made him check out with the few they had selected and then took him somewhere better.  Before he had a headache from the shirts.  He was never going there again!

***

Xander appeared at Gibbs' call a few days later, looking nice in dress pants, loafers, and a dress shirt but no socks.  Gibbs looked at his feet then at him.  "I'm a teenager from Cali, Gibbs.  Socks are evil unless you're hiking, in San Fran, or very gay."

"Whatever," he decided, taking him with him.  "Have you been studying?"

"I got through three of them," he said proudly.  "Started on a fourth.  I'm in the operating section."

"Good job."  He let him into the car and got in to drive.  "Tony said you can't drive yet?"

"My grades are pitiful and they won't let me in driver's ed ahead of the kids with 'A' averages.  Not that some of them want to take it.  Willow doesn't."

"She'll regret that later."  He backed out of his parking spot and headed for the Department of Defense's weapons testing ground.  "I got special permission with who your grandfather is."  Xander beamed and wiggled. "Behave."  He quit wiggling.  "They think you're on a design team as an intern."  Xander nodded.  "Also, I want to know what you sense off each one.  If you can automatically sense how to use, disarm, or contain it."

"Okay," Xander agreed.  They pulled in and Gibbs had to show his ID.  Xander smiled and waved.  "Hi."

The guard looked at him.  "It says you've got an intern, Agent Gibbs."

"That would be that goofball."  Xander punched him on the arm.  Gibbs gave him a look.  "Even Tony calls you that, kid."

"Well, now and then," he admitted.  "I can be serious about some things."  That got a nod and they were let in.  "Especially about hunting.  That church was demonic."

"Good to know.  They move?"

"Yup."  Xander beamed at him.  "We even helped to show that there weren't any hard feelings.  Then I redecorated on Tony's orders."

"I heard the story of the ugly shirt store," he admitted.  He parked and got them out, heading inside to the museum they had in there.  He started Xander at one end.  "Go ahead, you can touch.  They're all disarmed."

Xander looked around and shook his head.  "That one's not," he said quietly with a nod at a box on the floor.  Gibbs just nodded at that.  "It feels like a dangerous thing."  He moved to look at the first weapon, running his hand over it.  He let it tell him what it was.  "It's an ancient version of the RPG launcher?" he guessed.  Gibbs nodded.  He looked.  "Which makes this the control panel."  He looked it over, then nodded when it spoke to him.  The buttons told him what they did.  He looked at the missile.  It was quiet so he knew it was disarmed.  "If I remember right about the new ones, the payload is in the cone?" he told Gibbs, who nodded again, arms crossed now.  "There's no really good way to get at them to empty it out without breaking the cone off since it's sealed and waterproofed."  He moved onto the next one.  This one made him shudder and back away.  "What are you?"  He looked it over.  Then he stepped closer again.  "You deliver biological weapons.  Or you have."

"It was used to deliver some seren gas once," an officer said from the doorway.  "Gibbs."

"This is Xander."

"I've heard."  He came over to shake his hand.  "How can you tell that?"

"It's like it emanates slimy feelings, like an ooze coming off it.  The last one talked to me, the buttons told me what to do when I touched them.  This one...."  He took his hand to show him.  It gave him a headache but the man looked at him for a minute.  "See?"

"I do.  Don't touch the box, kid.  It's currently under testing and we're not that hopeful."

"I noticed it had that 'dangerous' air that meant it was armed."  Xander looked around and pointed at something.  "That one did the same thing?"

"Not seren.  It delivers an acidic compound that eats organic material."  Xander nodded.  "You are learning them the mundane way?"

"I am.  I'm through my first three books and then I've got Gibbs testing me this weekend."

"Good.  Learn how to undo bombs too."

"Could help," Xander agreed, smiling a bit. "Thank you for indulging Grandfather."

"Not a problem.  You can't help us if you don't know what you're doing."  He left them alone, taking that box just in case.  The kid didn't need that.  He could go into failed weapons at a later point in time.  He heard giggling and came out to find Gibbs laughing.  He looked at what he was looking at.  "You can hear the elephant story?"

"It's on the plaque," Gibbs reminded him.  That got a smile and he went back to his office while those two worked on the kid's skills.  Later on Gibbs took him out to the firing range to work on his skills there.  The kid already had a good hand at it the mundane way.  The special way was done by thought and it was impressive.  He hoped that Ares never had to have the kid stop a unit by force.  Another guy showed up, lounging against a wall watching him work his way up the gun ladder from small twenty-two to AK assault rifle.  He knew that body and he went back to his office quietly.  That one had told him once to do weapons instead of being a grunt and he had been right.  It had been kinder too since most of his unit was decimated in their next engagement.  Xander looked each gun over, breaking it down under Gibbs' careful watch and then Strife explained each piece to him when he asked.  Then the boy put it back together, fired it, called the bullets back to look them over and make sure he knew the differences between the others and this one, then they moved on.  He was certainly getting a well-rounded education.

***

Xander bounced in to hug Tony.  "I got to play on the firing range too," he said proudly.

"Congrats.  I was wondering why you stunk like gunpowder."  Xander gave him a sheepish look. "How did it go?"

"It went very well," Gibbs told him.  "He can do it both ways on some of them already."  That got a nod.  "We went through every handgun they had there.  He also got to fire off the new test rocket system.  It was whimpy and didn't destroy the target fully."

"I'm just happy I hit the target my first try," Xander told him.

"Me too," Gibbs told him, sitting back down.  "Driving lessons, DiNozzo."

"Going Sunday to the course the local schools use," he admitted.  Xander beamed and bounced.  "You look so much like Abby," he teased.

"Do I know her?"

"I haven't introduced you to Abby?"  Xander shook his head.  "Boss?"

"Go ahead.  Let her babble at him.  See if she has anything new."  Tony got up and walked Xander to the lab, letting him look around.  Gibbs smiled a bit.  The boy was good.  He'd be great soon.  He sent a progress report to Don to let them know what they had done and were doing soon.  That way they wouldn't overlap.

McGee came back from the lab.  "Xander looks very happy."

"He is," Gibbs agreed.  "The firing range and he got along very well."

"Good."  He sat down.  "Why does his town have a high death rate ten months out of the year?  Higher than DC and New York together?  With a population that we might have in a single neighborhood?"

Gibbs looked at him.  "What did you find?"

"Demons."

Gibbs nodded. "Then you found your answer."

Tony came back without Xander.  "We're taking him and Abby to Busch Gardens next weekend if we're off.  Want to come?"

Gibbs looked at him then at the calendar, nodding a bit.  "That's fine.  Which day?"

"Saturday?  He flies out Sunday morning."

"That's fine."  He made a note of that.  "He want to pet the horses?"

Tony smiled and nodded.  "And ride the coasters with Abby."  He sat down.  "They're babbling about guns."  Gibbs gave him an odd look.  "How did she know?" he mouthed.

Gibbs shrugged.  "Not a clue.  How does she find out anything?"

"Good point, boss."  He looked at McGee, who was staring at him.  "What?"

"Demons?" he asked quietly.

"Sunnydale," he said.  "Are we playing a full round of word association and is this the shrink version or a game for points, favors, or beers?"

McGee frowned.  "I got curious about his town, Tony."

Tony nodded.  "If you've found that much out, you've pretty well found it, Probie.  Ask him."  That got a nod.  "If you have nightmares, don't come crying to us."

"Agreed."  He went back to his last report and finished fixing it then went to talk to the boy.  Fortunately he and Abby were talking about slime.  "What shoots that?" he asked.

Abby spun to look at him.  "Huh?" she asked, giving him an odd look.

"I looked up his town to see if there was anything we could converse politely about."

Xander moaned, holding his head.  "You found the demons?"

"I did.  I wanted to know why."

Xander looked at him then pulled up a site.  "This one is in Greece but the one in Sunnydale is under the library's floor."  He let him read it.  McGee went pale.  "I'm on the protection society."

"Damn," he said finally, looking at him.  "So the hunting lessons are to help with that?"

Xander nodded.  "Yup.  I was okay before but things are about to pick up and I need more skills."

"I hope you can make them calm down again."  He clapped him on the arm.  "Good luck, Xander, and if you need computer skills ask."

"We have Rosenburg," he said smugly.

"I hate that hacker," he said, shaking his head with a small sigh.  "You know her?"

"Best friends since the first day of school," Xander admitted.  "She's on there too."

McGee smirked.  "Is she why I ran into a demon on the internet?"

"Well, technically that was the computer teacher who was putting some of Giles' books online but it went looking for a love interest and found Willow.  We thought we took it off.  Is it still there?"

"No.  It came looking for friendship before you got it.  If not, I'll let you guys know."  Xander beamed and hugged him then Abby, bouncing off.  He looked at her.  "How did you know about that stuff?"

She hit him on the arm.  "I grew up in New Orleans.  Think about all the strange rumors you've heard about us, McGee."

"Point.  Does that mean there's really aliens?"

"I don't know," she admitted.  "If I find any I'll tell them you said hi."

"As long as they don't take that as an invitation to be probed."  He walked off, going back to his desk to listen to Xander babbling about the firing range and the neat museum.

"So we're on for tracking Saturday, driving Sunday, then whatever Gibbs wanted you for, and then next week with more studying?" Tony asked.  "Then next Saturday Busch Gardens?"

"Yup."

"Good.  Go change.  You stink."

Xander giggled.  "Sorry.  That laundromat?"

"In the blue building up the street."

"Okay."  He bounced down to get a cab back to the house and go change then do laundry.  Someday soon he would have to figure out how to do that the non-mundane way too.  That and how to cook because he was starved.

***

Xander came off the plane yawning, smiling at Don and Mac.  He hugged them both.  "I was very good for Tony and Gibbs."

"I'm glad," Mac told him, walking him off.  "Any other bags?"

"One suitcase."  That got a nod and they went to get it, finding it with security.  He showed them the letter from Gibbs to get it back.  "Who got it into it?"

"We noticed the solid masses on the x-ray, sir.  You're going into a weapons design program?"

Xander nodded.  "I am.  This is my training summer to make sure I can meet standards next summer."  That got a nod and he was handed back his bag and the plastic bag of manuals.  "Did you confiscate some?  There's six or seven missing."

"No, sir."  That got a sigh and Xander let Mac carry those while he called Tony and they walked out.  He put the note into the database for the Feds.  Since the signer was one that should be good enough.  If not they could jump down his throat.

Xander hung up.  "Tony said he put them in my backpack."  He looked inside and smiled. "Ah, they slid through to the closet."  He zipped it back up and took back the plastic bag to carry out, letting Don have the suitcase.  "I also have a lesson plan from Gibbs.  He and Tony said I need more work on tracking and driving."

"We can do both of those," Mac admitted, smiling at him.  "You were learning tracking?"

"Yup.  We both figured it'd help at home."

"It probably will," Don agreed.  They made it outside and Xander got into the back of the car Don got the suitcase into.  He got in to drive.  "You're on my couch, Xander."

"That's fine.  I had to help Tony move and redecorate too."

Mac shifted once he was buckled in.  "Seatbelt."  Xander did that.  "What else did you learn?"  Xander pulled out the note and handed it over.  He looked it over, nodding.  "We can keep up with those three skills."  He looked at him.  "Tony said you needed more color matching help too."

He rolled his eyes.  "I like my print shirts."

"We'll see," Don told him.  "You get any clubbing in?"

"Two nights and he said I dance like a girl since I was booty popping and things."  Don snickered at that.  "I'm surrounded by girls."

"We'll help with that too," Don promised dryly.  He was sure Tony had tried.  "He get you dancing like a guy?"

"Eventually.  Then he nearly lost me when a girl wanted me."

"Was she deadly?" Mac asked.

"Not to me.  The FBI agent who came to so-called save me thought otherwise and Tony laughed himself sick."  Both men moaned.  "It's not my fault I draw bad girls.  I like good girls I just seem to put out a bad girl attraction aura."

"We'll try really hard to help you change that too," Don promised.  He drove them back to his place and got Xander settled in on his couch.  "Sorry, New York apartments are notoriously small."

"It's fine."  He gave him a hug.  "I like you even if you do live in something the size of an elevator."  Don laughed at that, giving him a head nudge.  "I was told to tell you I can only microwave."

"That's fine," Mac promised.  "There's restaurants all over the city."  He sat down to help Xander find his weapons manuals from his closet.  Half the clothes got sent back to make room for them and it was better.  "Okay.  Want to get some practice driving or tracking first since we're both off today."

"Whatever you guys want to do," he offered.

"Tracking in the park?" Don offered.

"That could work," Mac agreed.  "Can you do it by mundane means?"

"Yup.  They taught me that way first and then how to sense traces left by people."

"Okay," Mac agreed.  "Come on."  He let the boy change first since he wasn't wearing sneakers or jeans.  Then they headed out to track Don through the park.  Then through a few buildings using the less than mundane means.  By the time Xander could do it without looking it was dinner.  Don took them out to a deli and then home.  Xander snuggled down on the couch, falling asleep during a movie.  Mac and Don smiled at each other.  He was a good kid.

***

Xander walked into the CSI unit with a bag.  "Hi, Mac said to drop this off to him please?"

"Mac Taylor?" the receptionist asked.

He nodded and smiled.  "Yup.  He told me to pick this up and deliver it to him since the place didn't deliver and he had ruined his last shirt."

She called him.  "Did you ask for someone to deliver you a shirt?  Yeah, that looks like him.  He's here."  She hung up.  "Give someone a few minutes.  Is that his laundry?"

"No, he called and ordered this one but they don't deliver so he called me because I was out sightseeing and could go pick it up and bring it to him without making anyone leave work from doing important things."

"Breathe," a male voice said, sounding tolerant.

Xander looked at the blond man in glasses.  "Hi, I'm Xander."

"Flack's cousin Xander?"  Xander beamed and nodded.  "He said you were in for some sightseeing and stuff."

"Mostly 'and stuff' but I was sightseeing earlier and Mac ruined his shirt.  They said he ordered this one even though I didn't think he wore shirts like this one."

"C'mon, I'll lead you back there.  Give 'im a pass," he ordered.  She did that and they walked that way, running into a curly haired woman.  "Stella, this is Flack's cousin Xander."

"Hi," she said, smiling and shaking his hand.   "Mac's shirt?"

"Yup but I think they got it wrong.  Unless he usually wears blue print shirts?"  Stella gave him an odd look.  "I only picked it up."

"Sure.  He's in the office, Danny."  He nodded, walking him that way.  She went to lurk to see what the shirt looked like.

Danny tapped then walked in with the boy behind him.  "One shirt delivery boy."

"Thank you, Xander."

"They said you ordered that one."

Mac gave him an odd look then looked in the bag, groaning.  "No, not really."

"I didn't think you'd like that one so I got  you something simpler."  He handed over the bag from his pocket.  "T-shirt to go under a jacket like Tony does?"

"That'll be better," he admitted, taking it to put on.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Though that one will look nice. The salesgirl was right about that."

"I take it she gave you the bag?"

"Yup, she said that you'd look very hot in that one and it matched your eyes."

Danny looked in the bag, pulling it out.  It was a blue leaf pattern in all shades of blue.  "It would look good on you, Mac."

"Not my style.  I'll take it back later."  He smiled at Xander.  "How was the museum?"

"Good.  Only one of the mummies tried to get up so I kinda got out of there before it got all the way out and it laid back down," he finished in a positive voice.  They both stared at him.  "What?  All I did was walk in.  I was even on the other side of the room when it moved.  Some little kid noticed it.  Maybe they were doing chaos magic because I don't but I don't know."

Danny covered his mouth.  "Breathe between phrases or thoughts," he ordered, moving his hand.

"Sorry, babbling is my second language," he admitted sheepishly. "But I did get something pretty for Buffy and Willow from the gift shop."

"Good," Mac said, smiling at him.  "I'm sure the mummy wasn't your fault."  Xander beamed at that. "What are you doing this afternoon?"

"Going to the shop Grandfather sent me a card to get into today and then dinner if Don isn't home."

"That'll work," Mac agreed.  "I'll see you tomorrow night and we'll see about some time on a driving course."  Xander squealed and hugged him then left.  He smiled at the amused looking Danny.  "He's a nice kid."

"He's bouncy and hyper.  Usually that sets your teeth on edge."

"I like Xander.  He's a smart boy and he does things like I would."  That got a nod and Danny left.  "Shirt?"  It was handed back so he stuffed it back into the bag.  He was going to spank some salesgirl later.  He would wonder about the mummy situation later.  That was too strange, even for the Greek Gods.

***

Xander stepped into the shop and looked around.   "Wow."

"You lost, kid?" one of the guys behind the counter asked.

Xander looked at him.  It was one of his people!  He beamed at him.  "My grandfather told me to come here.  I'm learning weapons this summer."  They stared at him like he was odd.  He handed over the card.  That got a gape and he grinned.  "I'm Xander."

"Ares was here," one said quietly, looking him over.  "You're the lost grandson?"  Xander nodded.  "Prove it."

Xander came over to let him see his anklet, getting a nod.  "I've got the collar hidden today.  Someone tried to tell me how S&M was evil."  He unhid it and they all smiled.  "Sorry."

"That's all right," one said, staring at him.  Xander stared back.  "You're not scared of much, are you?" he asked fondly with a smirk.

"I live in Sunnydale."

The others backed away.  The one he was talking to checked his wrist.  "He's got a pulse."

"I hunt with Buffy," he admitted. "I'm her Xander.  Even if she is trying to turn me gay."

The guy just shook his head. "She's a bit strange.  We deal with some of the Council and they all say she's strange."

"That's because they didn't get to take her from her mother at birth and turn her into a robot.  They like doing that."  That got a nod.  "So, what'm I here for?  He never told me."

"Weapons test."  He got up and led Xander into the back, letting him pet and coo at the weapons all he wanted as long as he could identify what he gave him.  The one he got wrong he named it by the older version's name.  That was close enough for him.  He led him into another room, showing him bomb making components.  Xander gave him a sideways look.  "He said you should know."

Xander nodded, going over to examine things and let him show him how to make and unmake the various bombs he knew how to do.  By the time Xander got home that night he was a lot smarter about bombs.  He had even taken notes.  He walked in and found Don pacing.  "Am I really late?"

"Kinda.  It's nine."  He looked at him then sniffed.  "What were you doing?"

"Grandfather sent me to a shop with a few of my followers."  He beamed.  "I got tested on weapons identification and then learned how to make bombs."

"Bongs?" Don asked hopefully.

"No, not the feel good things that you suck on; the things that go boom prettily and destroy things."  Don sat down, covering his face.  "He was very nice and told me to tell you not to worry.  Grandfather said so."

Don looked at him.  "Who were you with?"

"Captain Jennings."

"Of the bomb squad," he said dryly, nodding at that.  "So he knows?"

"Grandfather talked to him in person and I got my first prayer, hoping I wouldn't bust them.  One of the guys there was one of my people."

"Uh-huh.  Before you touch anything else, go bathe fully, wash your hands, and put those in the washer to soak.  That way you can't spread residue."  Xander nodded, going to do that while Don took a clorox wipe to the doorknob.  Then he sent a thank you email to the good captain.  He could only hope that Xander didn't show off his new knowledge in public somewhere in his city, making him do a lot of explaining to the higher ups.  Xander came out to hug him around the neck.  "You're not going to overtly show off, right?"

"Nope.  I'm going the Intrepid's museum tomorrow."  Don smiled at that.  "Should I run out for something to eat?"

"I cooked since it was clear you hadn't been home yet.  Eat."  Xander went to do that, bringing it out to sit beside him.  "Used any powers?"

"Nope.  Well, my wings came out once when I sneezed.  But otherwise nope.  He said my wings were very pretty."  He ate a bite, getting a nod.  "I'm apparently a bit allergic to something in the sulphur bomb he was showing me.  He said next time I'd be able to identify the sulphur by sneeze."

"That could come in handy.  What about sulphur smelling beings?"

"We don't get too much of that," Xander admitted.  "A bit of brimstone and I never realized before it wasn't just the smell that was making my eyes water."  He dug in again, eating heartily then hugging Don.  "Thank you for cooking."

"Not a problem," he promised with a smile.  "This weekend you wanna hit a club with us and Danny?"

"Okay.  Should I pretend not to see someone coming home with you?  Because you know I don't mind if you and whoever are having the sex."

"No, it's fine, Xander.  I'm not seeing anyone."  Xander looked at him.  "Don't give me that look.  We're friends, nothing more.  No matter how much Tony's grandmother pushes."

"Okay.  Then can I hit on the pretty women?"

"As long as they're not deadly."

"I don't know how to tell that.  I don't hit on the ones who're carrying weapons.  I can sense weapons but not deadly yet."

Don looked at him.  "We'll work on it, Xander."  That got another happy bouncing nod.  "Settle in for the night."  Xander snuggled into his side, getting a smile.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He yawned. "I went a lot of places today."

"Good boy."  He stroked through his hair, making Xander fall asleep against him.  It was kind of nice to be cuddled this way.  Maybe he'd pick up a girl this weekend too.

***

Xander appeared in Tony's apartment the next Tuesday.  He called Tony from the home phone.  "I'm back in DC.  Because the girl I picked up tried to take me since she thought I was her toy.  No, Mac said I had to evacuate for my own safety.  She tried to bomb the lab and Don's precinct to get me back."  He listened to him complain about that and he had a date tonight.  "Not like I care if you're sexing someone up, Tony.  I can hide.  All I need is a door that closes.  I'll be very quiet, I promise.  No, if I go home now Giles is going to make me do odd things, like heft books.   Willow's email said they were busy scrubbing the library so it could be reblessed this summer. The new principal obviously has a clue and ordered everything in the school to be reblessed."  He listened to him.  "I guess I could go on a road trip."  He looked up.  "Grandfather?"  He smiled at the card that appeared next to him.  "He thinks it'll do me good too.  Sure, I can do that and keep in touch.  You have a happy date, Tony."  He looked at it.  "Huh, car rental.  Tony, can we get me my license quickly?  He included a Hertz card.  Thanks, man."  He hung up and settled in to do that until Tony got there.  Then he bounced out with his backpack.  Everything else was back in his closet.  Tony gave it an odd look.  "Closet."

"Probably a good idea since someone came to ask Gibbs why you had weapons manuals."

"I had them in my suitcase."

"I heard."  He gave him a pat.  "It's not you.  It's bad timing."

"I know."  He grinned and they headed out, letting Xander drive to the DMV for the test to make sure he could handle the mustang.  He had to take his learner's permit test, then walk out of the building and back inside to go for his license.  It was a silly thing but they said you had to leave the building.  Xander barely passed, though he didn't scratch up the mustang.  He gave Tony a shy look when he came out, holding it up.  "I have it."

"Congrats."  He gave him a hug.  "Now, let's drop you at Hertz.  Will they rent to you at your age?"

Xander shrugged.  "I don't know.  Grandfather said so.  I'm guessing he'd know.  Or would arrange it."

"Maybe," Tony admitted.  It turned out they wouldn't so he checked the balance on the card.  He took Xander to a cheap carlot and let him pick out a small, cheap sedan.  Xander hugged him and signed everything.  They had to go file the paperwork and Xander ended up in a hotel that night because Tony's new girlfriend hated anyone under the age of twenty badly enough to stab them.  Then he took off in the morning after popping in to hug Gibbs and give him a new cup of coffee and heal Tony's bite marks for him.  Then he headed south and went to play.  He was free for six more weeks!

***

Xander walked into school the first day back and sneezed. "Sulphur."  He went to find Giles.  "Sulphur?"

"I've noticed that."  Xander sneezed again right before someone walked into the library.  "Oh, Principal Brown.  This is Xander Harris.  Xander, this is the new principal."  Xander sneezed and walked away.  "What are you allergic to?  You didn't have that before you left."

"Sulphur," he said between sneezes.  He looked at the principal, waving from the semi-safe distance.  "Hi.  Nice to meet you."  He sneezed again and his nose started to bleed.  He grabbed a paper towel from the stack behind the check-out desk, working to stop it.

"Go to the nurse, son," the principal ordered.

Xander looked at him. "Then I'll walk past you and sneeze again," he said behind the towel.  That got a nod and he got out of the way so the boy could leave.  Xander walked into the nurse's office, letting her check his nose.  "Allergic to sulphur," he told her before she gave him a new paper towel.  With the way he was bleeding a tissue wasn't going to cut it.  He sat where she pointed and got comfy.  It wasn't stopping very fast.  He sneezed again when the principal walked past the door.

She frowned at him.  "I don't have you listed as any allergies, Xander."  He wrote it down and she nodded, adding it to his file.  "How did you find that out?"

"Spent part of the summer with a cousin who's a Fed.  He had bomb residue on him from a case," he lied.  She nodded, making note of that too.  He sneezed again and glared at the doorway.  The principal backed off and left that other student there.  He waved at her, handing over a tissue for her lesser nosebleed.  "Hey," he said behind his paper towel.

"Hey," she said weakly, laying down.

"Hmm.  A fainter," the nurse said, coming over to take care of her.  "Once yours is done head to class, Xander."  He nodded, changing towels.  She gave him an odd look. "You're putting pressure?"  He nodded, letting her check.  "Why won't it stop?"

"More sneezing," he told her.

She sighed and nodded.  "Let's try to clear the blood bubble up there to make sure it won't choke you.  Blow gently."  He did that and the bleeding picked back up but stopped a few minutes later.  "There, that's better."  He went to clean up his face and the collar of his shirt, then took a few paper towels with him.  "I'll have the principal air out the entry."  She walked him to his first period class.  "He has a nosebleed."  That got a nod.  "Send him back if it starts again.  It's an allergy to sulphur."

The chemistry teacher looked around then at him.  "That means I'll have to excuse you from some lessons."  Xander nodded, sitting down next to Willow.  "That's fine.  You're not the first."

"There was a new ninth grader in there for the same reason," he told him.  "She's a fainter."  That got a nod and he made a note to check on that while Xander looked at Willow.  "Hi."

"Hi.  Sulphur?"

He nodded. "Figured that out this summer with Tony."  She nodded. "I've got post cards at home."

"I'll come over later," she said happily, giving him a hug then paying attention again.

Xander watched the notes going on.  He was already lost.  Though one thing made him raise his hand.  "If you combine the last three don't they explode?"  The teacher gave him an odd look.  "I spent part of the summer with my cousin Tony and he's a Fed.  I got to tour a neat weapons museum."

That got a nod.  "It would but the three in front of it would temper that.  That's why you add it in that order."

"Okay."  He went back to being confused.  He looked at Willow when the teacher was done and they were packing up.  "Huh?"

"Chemistry is like cooking, Xander."

"Uh-huh."  He nodded slowly.  "I can microwave," he told her.

"We'll work on it.  Buffy's got that confused look too."  Buffy looked back at her and nodded.  "We'll work on it."  That got a nod from her too.  They left together, going to history.  Xander looked at the new teacher, who looked up.  Then he sneezed and started his nose bleeding.  "Xander!  That allergy of yours is horrible!  It's not even near the entryway."   He let himself be led off to the nurse's office, where he was laid down.  With as much blood as he lost earlier, he was now light headed.  She went back to the classroom. "Sorry, he's allergic to sulphur.  He found out this summer."  She sat down, looking at Buffy, who was looking confused again.  "What?" she asked quietly.

"Teacher bad," she said quietly, staring at her.  The woman stared back so she smiled and waved.  "What?  Am I annoying?"

"Yes.  Go away."

"I can't.  I have to have a history this year."

"Out, Miss Summers."

Buffy sighed and left, going to see the principal.  She looked at him and felt that same cramping, twisting in the guts feeling.  "Is the history teacher one of you and are you harmless or not?" she asked bluntly.  He gaped.  "Hi, Buffy Summers."  She shook his hand and he whimpered.  "So, harmless, slayable?  Something Giles is going to scream about later?"

"You're interrupting other students' education."

Buffy snickered.  "No I'm not.  I don't care about you if you're harmless."

He glared at her.  "I want you out of this school."

"Tough.  I haven't done anything to be kicked out for.  I hardly ever do."

"I have yours and Miss Rosenburg's disciplinary...."  The door opened and Xander walked in, then he watched as Buffy fell asleep where she stood.

Xander leaned on the table.  "I protect this school," he said grimly, his wings coming out.  "Am I clear?"  He whimpered and nodded.  "Good.  Go the fuck away.  I don't care if you are harmless or not.  I don't need the constant nosebleeds and the town needs Buffy.  If you think otherwise you're clearly not harmless."  He swallowed and nodded, standing up and backing away.  "Now, anything else?"

"Who are you?" he demanded.

Xander looked up.  "Permission?"

"Granted," Ares' voice floated out.

Xander looked at him.  "I'm the God of Weapons and Tactics," he said quietly.  The man went orange and nodded, starting to pack.  "All of you.  Today.  As long as Snyder doesn't come back we'll be fine until subs are found."  He nodded and packed faster.  Once he was gone Xander hid his wings again then woke Buffy.  "You napped."

"I obviously needed it then.  I'm not sure why.  I must be growing."  She walked out with him.  "You okay?"

"I'm going to air out the library."  She nodded, going back to class.  He went up to the library and started to open windows.  "Before I lose more than the pint I've already lost," he complained when Giles came out of the office.  "We did know that the principal and the new history teacher were both hell demons?"  He nodded slowly.  "Could've warned me about her, Giles."

"I'm sorry, Xander.  I didn't even think."

"They're running now.  They tried to kick Buffy out."  He sat down at the table, looking at him.  "I had a talk with him too."  Giles swallowed and nodded.  "We can hire new subs."

"That's fine," he agreed quietly.  "Why are you here?"

"It's this or I'm going to be nagged and probably bleed more.  I don't need to lose more blood today."

"Good point."  He got a book and handed it over.  "Defense strategies that rely on magic."

"Thanks.  I spent most of the summer learning weapons and bombs."  He dug into the book, reading it slowly.  "I haven't gotten into the magic stuff."

"It should cross over."  He went to get a few more books for his young helper then went back to his office to make notes on what had happened that morning.  Buffy and Willow came in at lunch.  "Inedible again?  They promised to make things that would be consumed."

"They did."  She put a tray down in front of Xander, getting a grunt.  "What are you reading?"

"Defense strategies," he said absently, glancing at the tray.  "Thanks.  Lasagna Mac?"

"Tasted like it," Buffy said, sitting across from him.  "Magical defense?"

Willow took the book from him.  "You don't do magic."

He took it back.  "I have to be able to work with you when you do."  He went back to his reading, eating with one hand.  "Applesauce," he said, making a face while he scraped his tongue on his teeth.  "Way too much cinnamon."  He finished everything else and added milk to the applesauce so he could eat that too.  "Thanks."  He pushed it aside and went back to reading.  "What do I have this afternoon?"

"Gym," Buffy said grimly.  "Same teacher.  People were rubbing sore spots."

"Dodgeball," he complained.  He stuffed the books into his backpack.  "Thanks, Giles."  He walked out with them, going to hand in his tray, getting a nod from one of the lunch ladies.  He smiled.  "Thanks for letting her bring it to me."  He headed for the gym.  His schedule said the same as Buffy's did.   So apparently they were both on the jock/stupid people track this year.  He looked at her last class then his.  "Hey, I don't have to do Home Ec."  He grinned and went in to change.  "Did the nurse give me permission to sit out?" he called as he walked.

"No.  Why would she?"

Xander came out.  "Because I lost about a pint and a half of blood earlier to a nosebleed.  I'm allergic to sulphur.  It's still floating around the entry."  That got a sneer.  "Fine."  He went in to change, coming out in his new shorts and t-shirt.   He sat down beside Buffy.  "You ready for this year of hell?" he asked dryly.

"Yup, you?"

"Oh, yeah.  Though I am not in the mood for this today."  Two of the coach's favorites from the basketball team were picked and they got sneered at.  "Don't hit my face?"

"As long as you don't hit my head.  It hurts."

"Sure."  They were split up.  He ended up with Willow on his team.  He looked around.  He had most of the nerds on his team.  Huh.  He took his ball and squished it.  It was a bit firm.  He looked at Buffy, who gave him a begging look.  So his first throw was at her, tagging her on the side.  He ducked to grab a ball, missing one aimed at his head.  A few others went at his head. That's when he realized he was unconsciously shielding.  He lowered it some so he had to duck now and then but got most of the other team out.  His team's leader turned on him so he slammed the ball into his face, making him scream and bleed.  "There, I feel better now," he said dryly.  "If you'll excuse me, I'm still feeling light headed from the blood loss earlier.  You'll want to put more direct pressure to stop that nosebleed of yours."  He walked off, going to change and sit down.  He looked at Buffy, who only shook her head.  "I do feel lightheaded from the earlier nosebleed.  I went through most of first period with it bleeding."

"Do you have PMS?  That's how I feel when I go heavily."

Xander looked at her.  "If I do, some God somewhere is probably laughing."  That would be Strife but he was saying it wasn't him.  The nurse stomped in.  "Sorry, I wobbled from the blood loss."

"You should have been excused anyway!" she said, slapping at the coach.  "I nearly sent him to the emergency room earlier because I couldn't get it stopped!  How dare you endanger his health!"  She got him with one of the slaps, making him back away.  "You poor thing.  Is the coach being stupid and using basketballs for dodgeball against school rules?" she offered, leading him out.  "Press right above the bleeding spot.  I know it hurts but it'll stop it faster.  Then we'll see if it's broken."  He nodded, doing that, looking like a whipped puppy.

Willow came over once she had changed back.  "Xander, did you do a lot of muscle work this summer?"

"Well, no, but the new car doesn't have power steering so I did a bit when it got fussy.  Speaking of, I need to have it fixed again."  He shrugged that thought off and they were released early enough for him to get a snickers bar.  The protein would help him rebuild the blood he had lost and the chocolate made him feel better.  Maybe he did have PMS.  He went to his last few classes then back to the library when his last teacher never showed up by halfway through the class.  He flopped down with his new snickers bar and started to read again.  "I broke someone's nose.  Buffy thinks I have PMS."

"I've heard and I agree," Ares said dryly, looking at his grandson.  "I froze him."

"That's fine.  Did I give Buffy the headache earlier?"

"She'll live."  He looked at his grandson.  "You feeling better?"

"I'm still a bit light headed."  Ares handed over a goblet.  "I forgot that stuff."

"For the last three weeks," he agreed impatiently.  Xander made a face but gulped it down.  "Thank you. Have more tonight at dinner."  He flashed out.

Xander went back to reading.  He did feel better.  Giles came out of his office looking confused.  "You okay?"

"A slight headache," he admitted.  "Who was here?"

"Grandfather.  Since I broke one kid's nose during dodgeball."

"Was that necessary?"

"The coach told them to hit mine so I'd bleed again," he said, looking at him.  "Yes.  He was the captain on my own team and he tried me.  I threw it normal strength."

Giles sighed but nodded.  "Try not to harm the other students, Xander."

"He tried first.  How long before we get a new principal and history teacher?"

"Within weeks.  Someone's already suggested Principal Snyder come back but they've been soundly rejected since he was a bit tied up in jail at the moment."  He frowned then let it clear up.  "Though they are blaming this one on Buffy."

"Rumors are that since Buffy was expelled from class when the teacher saw her and then the principal packed and ran for his life after meeting her that she knew them from her old school system and had blackmail on them," Xander said dryly, shifting so he could put his feet up.  "Why did we keep the gym teacher?"

"I'm not certain," he admitted.  "He was never mentioned in the issues."  Xander gave him an odd look.  "There were complaints but they were listed under a different reason."

"Huh.  Incoming fuming person."  He went back to reading.  "Hi, coach," he said when the door slammed open.

"Harris, I want you in the principal's office," he sneered.

Xander looked at him.  "What principal?  He fled."

"Now," he ordered coldly.

"Fine."  He repacked the books and headed that way, meeting the vice principal for the first time.  "Hi."

"Robin Woods, Mr. Harris.  What exactly happened in gym today?"

"I asked the coach if the nurse had exempted me due to the catastrophic nosebleed I had earlier that lasted most of first period.  He said no, then he told his bruisers to intentionally hit me on it.  My team's captain even tried and that's when I spiked the ball into his nose."  He stared at him.  "Not only would he not have been injured if we had been using the *right* balls but I think that's pretty lousy sportsmanship and he did attack me first.  I just ended it."

The Vice Principal looked at him.  "You're a bit cold about that."

"That's because the kid tried to stab me last year on his coach's orders."

"I didn't tell him to stab you.  That was his decision," the coach sneered.

"No, you just told him to rough me up," Xander said dryly.  The coach gave him a horrified look.  "Why do you think I wasn't alone that night.  I heard you say it."

The coach made a grab for him.  "You and your family ruined everything!  The power was going to be ours!" Xander got free of him and knocked him backward.  He came at him again and Xander punched him, putting him down.  He started to cry.  "You ruined everything!" he shouted.

"Good, I'm glad I ruined your little plans for power and the ability to get women to like you.  It's a good thing I did before more of us got eaten or otherwise destroyed.  Not like I'm ashamed of what I do."  He stared the older man down.  "If you are, that's your issue and that makes you an enemy."  He turned to the Vice Principal, who looked stunned.  "Sorry.  Again, he started, I finished.  That's the way I do things.  I don't start fights unless I have to in order to protect others."

The Vice Principal nodded.  "I can see why that would matter to you.  Let me get someone for them."

Xander opened the door.  "Gloria, is Bob around?  The coach just tried to attack me and I knocked him down."  She nodded, calling someone.  "Thanks."  He shut the door.  "The Chemistry teacher's son is a local cop since I know you're not local."  He sat down out of the way.  Two cops stomped in.  "Hi."

"Harris," one said, nodding at him.  "What happened?"

"Earlier or this time?"

"Earlier first," he decided.

"Coach told the idiot here to spike a ball into my face because I told him I had a nosebleed earlier that lasted most of first period.  The kid tried and I turned around to do it to him."

The cop nodded.  "Okay.  I can see that.  You don't usually start a fight.  Jump into one to protect others but not usually start."  He looked at the crying man on the floor.  "Him?"

"He attacked Mr. Harris saying he had ruined everything and he had lost his power," the Vice Principal told him.  "I have no idea what's going on."

"It was my family that got the school evaluated," Xander said quietly, making him shudder.  "The coach was one of Snyder's thugs.  That's probably the power he was talking about."  That got a nod from everyone.  "I'll press charges if I need to, Officer Bob.  He attacked me.  I had to defend myself.  I had to hit him."

"That's fine, Xander.  Apparently you've had a bad start to this school year."

Xander grimaced.  "The nosebleed was an allergy to sulphur.  It's only going to get better since I'm in chem with your dad."  That got a smile.  "Thanks, guys."

"Welcome, Xander," the other one said, lifting them both up.   "Are we kicking out our star center?"

"For the day.  I'll decide on anything else later," Robin Woods told him.  "If you have more problems with the students, I look forward to working with you guys."  That got a smile and they left.

Xander looked at him.  "Why didn't they move up the English teacher?"

"She turned it down," he said honestly, sitting down.  "I know about Buffy, Xander."  Xander gave him an eyebrow arched up look.  "I'm the son of a slayer."

"That's kinda cool.  You should have that talk with her and Giles."

"I plan on that tonight.  Are we having a meeting?"  Xander shrugged.  "That's fine.  You do what?"

"Backup, weapons support, and whatever."

"Even better.  Let's go see Mr. Giles.  I should probably give you suspension for hitting him back."

"I'm not going to let anyone hit me.  I grew out of that at ten."  The other man gave him an odd look.  "The people who raised me were violent alcoholics," he said quietly.  "They stole me from my natal family.  Who I have back now."

"Oh!  And it was the new family that complained.  All right."  He rubbed over his bald, dark head.  "Come on, let's go talk to Mr. Giles."  He walked him out.  "He's not in trouble," he told the secretary.  "The man attacked him in front of me."

She looked at him.  "Why the nosebleed?"

"I'm allergic to sulphur."

"Chemistry's going to be fun for you," she teased.

He nodded.  "Study hall."  She laughed and he walked out.  "He hasn't met Giles yet so I'm taking him up there."  He walked him up to the library.  "Giles?"  He came out of the office with Willow.  "His momma was an earlier Buffy and Kendra."  He sat down and went back to his reading.  "By the way, the coach attacked me in the office."

Willow groaned.  "Why are they attacking you?"

"Because his parents got his power taken away from him," the man said.  He smiled and shook Giles' hand.  "Robin Woods.  My mother was in New York."

"Yes, Spike killed her," he said.  He nodded at that.  "Welcome to the hellmouth.  Did you come here on purpose?"

"I did.  I'd be more than willing to help."

"Let's sit and see how, shall we?  Buffy will be here later.  She mouthed off to the Home Ec teacher and got detention."  Xander shook his head.  "This year is not starting off in a prodigious manner," he said, staring Xander down.

"He attacked me," Xander reminded him.  "I ended it, I did not start it."

"Fine."  He led him into the office.  "Would you like some tea?"

"Please.  It's been a long day since Buffy made the principal run for his life by outing him as a demon."   He accepted his cup when it was ready.  "Are there any other teachers I should worry about?"

"Usually just substitutes.  The rest didn't get on very well last year."

"I heard."  He sipped the tea, relaxing some.  "She's a junior, right?"  He smiled and nodded.  "That's good to know.  Does her mother know?"

"I'm not sure," Giles admitted.  "I do know that a good portion of the things in town do, both on sight and by name.  I'm sure Xander's used that in the past to clear out Willie's Bar."

Robin snickered.  "He seems like a good backup."

"He is that and he's learning more about weapons and things to help her more."

"So I heard.  I have a friend in DC who warned me he was studying weapons manuals."

"He does very good in that subject.  He's very hands-on.  He spent most of last year frustrated or confused or throwing the textboooks."

"Some kids are like that."  He took another drink, looking out there.  "Her other helper?"  Giles nodded.  "Better than my mother had."

"She's the first who's had this sort of support.  It's kept her alive.  Indeed, Xander brought her back to life once."  That got a shocked look.  "That's why there's two.  The other one occasionally shows up."  He took a drink and sat up.  "What can I do to help you?"

"I want Spike more than anything but if you need me I have trained myself over the years. I can help you spar with her or be an additional backup if we need it."

"Watch out for Halloween," Xander called.   He grabbed his forehead.  "And Angel.  He's going to slip."  He shook his head quickly and groaned, going back to the books.  Willow came out of the stacks and gave him an odd look. "What?"

"How did you know Angel is going to slip his soul?"

"My mother has the occasional vision now and then.  Has Buffy told her mother?"

"She said she doesn't want to drag her into it."

"Joyce hinted to my mother that she's seen her staking something."

"Oooh, poopie," she said, shuddering.  "I'll let her know.  Maybe that would be a good mother/daughter talk."   She went to do that, finding Buffy coming out of Home Ec after cleaning the stoves.  "Your mother's seen you out hunting," she said quietly.

"How?"

"Xander said she hinted to his mother that she'd seen you."

"Damn it," she muttered.  "Come on, let's tell Giles."

"We have a surprise," she said happily, bringing her that way.  "Look, Giles."

"Buffy," the Vice Principal said, smiling at her.  "Relax.  My mother was a slayer."  She gave him a horrified look and he laughed.  "A long time ago but I have trained myself to help if I ran into one of you or Spike."

"Wow.  That's...  Sunnydale makes things odd," she decided.  "Giles, has my mother hinted to you that she knows?"

He looked at her.  "No."

"Xander said Joyce hinted to his mom that she saw Buffy hunting," Willow told him.

"Then I would probably admit to it," Giles told her.  "Maybe she'll quit grounding you for sneaking in."

Xander leaned into the office.  "That's why she got grounded for wearing heels."  He grabbed his bookbag.  "Heading home to eat.  I'm starved.  Let me know if we need me."

"Of course," Giles called after him.  "Have a good night."  He looked at Buffy.  "I would talk with her."

"I guess I'll do that tonight."  She looked at the Vice Principal.  "Thank you for telling me and if we need you we'll put you on the roster with Cordy."  He shuddered.  "She stakes and snarks very well.  That's how we roll around here," she said happily, going home.  "Later, guys."

"Bye," Willow called.  She looked at Giles.  "Huh."  He smiled.  "I should probably go home and see if my parents are back yet.  They're due in sometime this month."  She smiled at the vice principal.  "I do most of her research for her."

"And her homework from what I heard," he said dryly.

"She doesn't always have time."

"Tutor, don't do it for her," he ordered.  She nodded, heading out.  He looked at Giles.  "Do you feel like you're leading a resistance movement?"

"Yes but then Xander annoys me."  That got a laugh.  "He's very good at annoying someone until they give up and go away.  Fair warning because I'm sure you'll be seeing him soon."

"Probably with the way this school year started."  He finished his tea.  "I've got to find a history teacher.  Want to fill in?  I know you're more qualified than most people think."

"I loathe the little brats," Giles told him.  "Why do you think I work in here? I never see any."  That got a laugh and the other man walked off.  Giles leaned back, sipping his tea, making notes for later and the Council.  This was certainly odd.  He hoped the buildup of personnel didn't spell out a future disaster.

***

Xander walked into the house.  "I'm here."  He put down his backpack and went to the kitchen, kissing his mother on the cheek. "Why are you crying?"  She handed him the ambrosia.  "Mom?"

"I don't know!" she wailed.

Xander backed away slowly. "Uncle Apollo, can we please borrow your hands for a few minutes?" he called, making sure he was out of swatting range.

Apollo appeared, looking at him.  "Still sick from the nosebleed?"  Xander shook his head and pointed.  He looked.  "Oh.  Hormones," he said, smiling a bit.  She gaped at him.  "Yes, you, stuffed up.  Again."

"Daddy!" she wailed.  Ares appeared with his sword in hand.  She sobbed on him.  "The Fates are mean, Daddy."

"She's pregnant again," Apollo told him.  "Did the Fates say something about it being a bad thing?"

"No."  He looked at her.  "You'll be fine," he promised, patting her on the back.  Xander put the goblet down and backed away again. "It's all right, Grandson."

"She's crying and wailing.  It can't be that good.  Even for a woman crying like that is bad."

Apollo smiled at him. "Hormone swings are normal, Xander.  Even among us.  Last time she nearly gutted your father and me during one."  He frowned then looked at her, running a hand over her stomach.  "It's a girl and ...."  He had to duck her swing.  "Hey!"

"Come on," Ares said, taking her with him.  Apollo followed back up to his temple.  He put her back into her rooms and locked her in.  "It'll restrict some of her powers while she's unreasonable."

"I forgot we had to do this last time," Apollo said, frowning a bit.  "The other kid?"

"Will be fine.  Let me tell his father."  He appeared with Xander.  "He told you?"

"Are we locking her up again?  Last time she nearly killed me, Father-in-Law."

"I'm never knocking someone up," Xander muttered, heading back to the house, appearing to see Buffy and Joyce there.  He froze Buffy.  "Mom's pregnant.  They had to lock her up before she killed others."

She smiled.  "I remember wanting to."

"She apparently tried a lot last time.  Including my father, Apollo, Ares."   She nodded at that.  So he unfroze Buffy.  "I'm going to be a big brother."

"Why did the headache come back?" she complained.  She picked up the goblet and looked at it.  He took it and stuck it into the dish washer.  "Okay.  Ritualy stuff?  Willow has one like that."

"Not really.  My mom's pregnant.  She gave me the smoothie."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too.  She's been called back to the main house for a few days.  Apparently last time she tried to kill Dad."  She giggled at that.  "So, why the visit?"

"Thank you for telling her that I had hinted, Xander."  Joyce kissed him on the cheek.  "Want to come for dinner tonight?"

"I'm learning how to cook," he said proudly.  She gave him that 'mom' look.  "We all know I can do without parents for a while, Joyce.   I did for fifteen years."

"Good point."  She gave him a hug and another kiss on the cheek. "You check in with me every afternoon, young man.  And no getting hurt.  No wild parties.  No orgies like I heard you went to last year."  He grinned at that.  "Good boy."  She walked Buffy home, going to make her dinner and check on Willow's parents.  They were absent all too often too.  She and her daughter sat down to talk over dinner.  That way she wouldn't think she was getting away with things.

Xander looked up then around.  Then he called Tony.  "Spreading the news.  My mother's pregnant and being confined for a few days."  He smiled.  "I'm fine.  I promise, no parties. Buffy's mother made sure too.  Nope, I'm good with it.  Thought I'd start the gossip chain."  He smiled.  "Thanks, Tony."  He hung up and went back to looking in the fridge. It was nearly bare.  It had two zucchini and a box of baking soda, plus a soda for him. He drank that, considering the empty freezer.  They didn't even have ice cubes.  The pantry was bare.  He frowned, looking around again.  Then he went to check his allowance card. It had twenty bucks.  "Pizza or groceries?" he mused, considering it.  Ares appeared looking confused.  "No food in the house.  Pizza or groceries with my last twenty?  Groceries would last longer but I love pizza."

Ares shook his head.  "Hestia?  My daughter didn't shop recently."  She came down and looked around the kitchen, clucking her tongue and making things appear.  "There, food.  Get the car fixed."

"I'm going to."  He slunk back there.  "Did I piss him off?"

"Her hormone swings make him cranky because it feeds back to Discord," she soothed, giving him a hug.  "How well can you cook?"

"I can microwave.  I can open a box and put things into a pan and then bake it."

"That's better than some bachelors.  We'll work on that, dear."  She pointed.  "Defrost the chicken. Put it in the white, square baking dish.  Add uncooked rice or pasta, the can of mushroom soup, some of the shredded cheese, and breadcrumbs.  Cook on three-fifty for forty minutes."  He beamed and nodded, doing that while she watched.   She created a small cookbook of simple recipes for him, leaving him alone when Hera called for her help.  "I'll be watching, dear."

"Thanks, Aunt Hestia."  He blew a kiss, smiling when she left.   He went back to cooking.  This was kinda fun and a lot easier than chemistry if Willow was right about it being like cooking.

***

Strife popped up in front of where Ares was lounging about two months later.  "Unc, Xander's scared of your mood swings but he wants to know if he can get a job," he said.

"Why would he need one?  He can make anything he needs."

"Except money for the bills and gas for his car," he said dryly.  Ares sat up.  "He's been paying for everything for the last few months outta what was left from the life insurance policy.  It's gonna run out this month and he wanted to know about an after-school job."

"His allowance card..."

"Was so maxed out they asked him for a payment," he said dryly.  Ares groaned.  "I do hafta admit he can now manifest fast food."  Ares gave him a dirty look.  "He figured it out when he got hungry last month and no more food was coming.  Since it was rent and gas money or food, he created instead.  Also, the ambrosia's not gettin' down there again."

Ares got up with a sigh.  "I'm going to fix things."  He went to talk to Hera.  "Mother?"  She looked over from her gardening.  "Has it escaped everyone's notice that Xander's not getting ambrosia, no one dealt with the card we gave him, and he's been alone for the last two months?"  She dropped her shears, shaking her head.  "Strife said he can manifest fast food now.  He was wondering about a job.  The card asked *him* for a payment."

"I'll deal with that now.  Thank you for telling me.  Why didn't he?"

"He probably can't get up here without ambrosia," Athena said as she appeared.  "Has anyone noticed that Janus got someone into his school to teach history?"

Ares gave her an odd look.  "Excuse me?"

"Hecate was crowing that her favorite pair was there and fighting."  She shrugged.  "I've looked over Xander's school work.  It's still abysmal."  She smirked at Ares.  "You would be proud.  He shot one of the demons last night.  For a full, non-confirmed God he's doing a lot of things the mundane way."  She disappeared again.

"Go talk to your father about his confirmation.  Even though he's in training he has a good feel for his areas."  She went to handle the credit card and the ambrosia situation.  She also called Hestia to go check on the boy's kitchen.  Her shriek told her all she needed to know.  She paid it off and upped his maximum limit to limitless.  He apparently needed it now and then.  She went down there as well.  "Xander?"  He gave her a sleepy look from the table.  "Have you eaten, boy?"

"Tired," he said, letting his head thump back down.  Hera put some ambrosia in front of him. "Created some, nasty crap."

"Drink it anyway," she ordered.  He sat up long enough to drink then laid his head back down.  "What's wrong?  Do you feel ill?  Apollo!" she bellowed.  He came rushing down. "What's wrong with him?"

He looked him over then grimaced. "Someone's draining him.  Let's add a few shields."  Xander swatted at him.  "Did you give them permission?"

"Hellmouth divergence spell," he said weakly.  "Quit.  It'll snap and get worse.  I'll be fine tomorrow.  Skipping tomorrow but I'll be fine tomorrow."

"HECATE!" Hestia yelled.  She came in a flash so she pointed.  "The boy is doing *what*?"

She looked then shook her head.  "Giles cast it wrong."  She undid it and went to yell at him and her other helper, who was already yelling.  "Shut up!"  They both stared at her.  "Ripper, you cast the spell wrong.  It was going to kill young Xander?"  He went pale and grabbed the table.  "Secondly, *I* put Ethan here.  You'll need him some year soon.  Get over it, kiss and make up, or I'm siccing Aphrodite on you two again.  Am I clear?"

"Yes, Hecate," Ethan Rayne said, dropping his illusion.  "What can I do to help?"

"We're grounding the hellmouth," Giles told him.  "How did I make it bleed Xander?"

"You used to change the polarity of the stone," Ethan told him.  Giles pointed at the corner so he went to look, changing it around.  "There, that should help."  He looked at her.  "Check the boy now?  We'll recast it."  She nodded and he got to work on the spell, Giles coming over to help.  "Did Miss Rosenburg help?" he asked finally.

"She did.  They're fighting."

"It shows."  He finished his part and Giles finished his and the spell worked the way it should.  Ethan smiled at Giles.  "I told you I had a reason for hiding myself and being here.  I'd rather remain unpunched.  Would you like me to take the future chaos witch from you to train?"

"No, I'm sure she'll stay straight."

Ethan snorted.  "You should take a long look in her aura, Ripper.  She's been trying to bleed off Xander and his energy wasn't coming here."  Ripper gave him a horrified look. "I noticed it during the last history exam I gave.  By the way, she's still doing your girl's homework. It's very noticeable.  They're not even trying to hide it any longer."  He got up and helped Giles stand, not caring when his hand was brushed off.  "Now, shall we act like the professionals we are?  There's another witch on staff too.  One of us is going to have to take a broom to your young protege's arse soon.  I'm about ready to in class."  He put back on his illusion and headed back to his classroom to see what he could do about Xander's homework.  The boy clearly had brains but this was not his subject or method of learning.  Maybe a hands-on project.  His grades were horrible this year from what he heard.

Giles went to find Willow and talk to her.  After he checked her aura over and told his Goddess so she could drain that godly energy from the lass - before she got into trouble.

***

Xander woke up that night, looking at Strife.  "Hi again."

"Hi."  He stared at him.  "You pissed off Ares."

"Why did I do that this time?"

"You never said anything," Ares said as he appeared.  "I'm not that scary to the family, Xander."

"You're the one with the mood swings," he complained, sitting up against his headboard.  "The last time I said something you tried to blast me.  I don't need that.  Thanks anyway."  He looked at Strife.  "The spell?"

"Giles set it wrong an' Willow helped," he admitted.  "We've fixed her."  Xander grimaced.  "She was stealing your power, Xander."  He made the boy look at him.  "Even Hecate yelled at the little witch."  That got a small smile and a nod.  "Now, let's go eat.  Hestia cooked again."  Xander grinned at that and got out of bed, following him down to the kitchen.  He looked at his uncle.  "I'd apologize," he advised.  "Xan, in the oven.  It's warm."  Xander opened it and cooed, taking out the baking dish that smelled so nice.  "Plates?"

"Dishwasher."  He looked at it then found a big spoon and dished some up.  "Am I making you a plate too, Ares?"

"Please."  He sat down, making glasses of milk for them and water for him.  Xander brought over the plates and sat down to dig into his.  He looked at him.  "You were right, I was concerned about your mother.  She's fairly unstable right now.  She's went back to her elemental state."  Xander looked confused.  "No one explained that to you?"  He shook his head, eating another bite, staring at him.  "Someone missed some topics," he said, looking at Strife.

"Wasn't my job," he complained. "That's 'Pol's job."

"He's got plenty," Xander said dryly.  "Elemental state?"

"Like when you changed into the glowing ball to get that second round of armor off," Ares told him.  "The one I had you do was your elemental state and Hera took you back to a soul state.  You only do that one when it's absolutely necessary because it's dangerous and you can be tainted in it or even killed."  That got a nod of understanding and the boy dug in again.  "If you had told us, even a bit, we would have fixed most of it, Xander.  As of right now, your credit card is fixed and I think Mother upped your limit.   I'll make your father come down tomorrow and turn over the bank accounts we set up for all of your use for things like the bills."

"The landlord wants them to come back or he's going to evict me," Xander told him.

"We can fix that too," Strife told him.  "Right now, she's really sick if she can't hold a solid, human looking form."  That got a nod of understanding.  "You don't care?"

"I tried to see her and I was told it was a bad idea.  I'm sure someone will tell me when I can.  Until then there's no better healers than Apollo and Asclepias.  I have plenty to worry about down here.  Like flunking everything and being held back.  Or like the fact I kinda ended up kissing Cordy for some reason the other day."  He shrugged.  "Someone will tell me what I can do to help Mom."

"Right now, you're doing the best thing you can.  Making her not worry and staying out of the way," Ares told him.   "Mostly she's worried about someone doing the same thing that was done to you.  She's creating most of her health problems with the worries going on."  That got another nod from the boy.  "There's three things we still have to do.  We have to confirm you."

"Aren't I?"

"Not formally.   You've taken the job but you haven't been sworn in yet," Strife explained.

"So, I have to apologize to Zeus or I have to learn faster?"

"You're almost done with everything I could want you to learn," Ares admitted.  "The rest you'll learn on the job."

"Not that I have a big job.  I mostly seem to need to look over some gun nutjobs and make sure that they're not going overboard and need to be taken care of.  Telling the NRA off for being stupid and panicking."  That got a nod from Ares.  "Unless you need me for a war."

"True, it's a very minor position in the house," Ares agreed.  "You're also the one that people pray to when they make new weapons."

"Then no one must be.  I haven't gotten any."

"We'll fix that too," Strife said happily.  "You got any idea about temples?"

Xander gaped.  "I get a whole temple?" he asked in awe.

"You do and it should be somewhere your people would be near," Ares told him.

He considered it.  "Like near the Department of Defense in DC?  Or in Alexandria near all the project labs?"

Ares smiled. "That would be a good place," he agreed.  "We'll let Tony deal with that for you."  Xander beamed.  "Now," he said, handing over a cup of ambrosia.  "You've been skipping again."

"It hasn't found me."

"I know that.  We're fixing that too.  We expected your mother to call it to her and she's not doing that."

Xander gulped it, making a face.  "I made mine cherry flavored at least."  Both older gods gaped at him so he concentrated and refilled the cup, handing it over with a smile.  "That's right, right?"

Ares tasted it.  "Beyond the cherry flavor, it is," he admitted.  "Mother?"  She appeared, giving Xander a hug.  "This is how he's been getting ambrosia."

She tasted it.  "It certainly tastes better."  She looked at him.  "Most of us don't create ambrosia."

Xander looked at her.  "Necessity?" he guessed.

"Probably.  Like a child can have absolute belief until he's told otherwise."  She kissed him on the head.  "Let me finish yelling at Zeus."  She disappeared, taking it with her.  She handed it over.  "How Xander's been getting ambrosia."  He drank and spluttered.  "He's been creating it."

"He's behind on his education then."

"He's learned his area, just not the other lessons," she said firmly.  "Apollo!"

He showed up.  "What?  I've got a patient in elemental form who's having mood swings fit to destroy us all!"

"Which is why you never told the boy about his elemental form or that he can't make ambrosia?" she asked.

He groaned, slapping himself on the forehead.  "I expected Ares to since I've been so damn busy.  Sorry!"  He disappeared, going back to his patient.  Ares would, he was sure of it. He was up to his blond armpits with a pregnant woman with an unstable form.

Ares heard that answer and nodded.  "I can give him those lessons."  He tapped Xander on the head to pass on the lectures.  "That way you don't have to listen to me lecture."  Xander grinned at him for that.  "Eat."  He dug in again.  "Anything else I should know?"

"The Cordy mouth suckin' him in," Strife said dryly.

"She said she doesn't do that for boyfriends," Xander told him.

"Nah, just her assigned football player," Ares said dryly.  "Aphrodite?"

"Oh, come on.  She's busy," Xander complained.  She appeared.  "Really, it's nothing."

"He's dating the Chase girl," Strife told her with a mean smirk.

She looked at him then slowly shook her head.  "I love you, pookie, but please turn gay?" she begged.  "We don't want that one destroy us all."  She disappeared, going to break Cordelia off Xander.  Before there was a mini-Godling on the way.  Then they'd have to put up with her forever.  She was a bigger bitch than Hera with mega-world-ending-PMS.   She might even take Athena's bitchiness spot.  Not a good plan for Olympus.  She found her and appeared, scaring the boy she was with into getting off.  "You don't *really* wanna date Xanny, right?" she asked hopefully.

"He's good in the back seat," she complained.  "Who are you?"

"Aphrodite, chickie, and you're way grossing me out with my pookie.  No more Xander for you.  Okay?" she said with a smile.

"I like his tongue."

"Yay us.  It'll be like when Angel loses his soul.  We don't need that stress.  So no more Xander."

"Then I'd make him gay," she quipped.  "Last month he went out with a master vampiress."

Xander appeared, frowning at her.  "I was taken, it wasn't a date.  Dates don't come with ropes and insane vampires dancing around singing to the stars about how I'd be great with them and make sure they ruled the world.  Really.  Not a date."

Aphrodite looked at him.  Then at her then back at him.  "She's cheating on you."

"I knew that.  I was waiting on the better sex since she gives it  away."  Cordelia shrieked and went for him with her nails.  "You do!"  He shoved her back, scowling at her.  "If she says I can't date you I can't.  I'm sorry.  She'll fry my ass or sell me or something.  I don't want to be sold or something.  See you in a few days.  I'm skipping tomorrow."  He disappeared again.

Aphrodite looked at her.  "He's right.  I'd have to 'or something' him to fix him."  She snapped her fingers and the boy was at his house, Cordelia and her car were at hers, and she had forgotten about having Xander.  She went to find her son.  "Cupie?"  He leaned out of his workout room.  "We have *got* to find Xander a decent lover who'll protect him."

"Who was it this time?" he sighed.

"Cordelia Chase."

He gave her a horrified look.  "Let's start with the guys.  You think maybe Don?"

"No, he's totally straight."  They went to look.

***

Xander appeared next to Gibbs' boat that night, scaring him.  "Sorry, I need a good talking to."  He sat down, pouting at him.  "Aphrodite took Cordy from me."

"Uh-huh.  Tony heard why."  He put down his putty to look at him.  "And?  What else is wrong?  You look like someone ate your dog."

Xander looked at him.  "I don't have a dog.  Maybe if I did I wouldn't be chasing bad girls."  He pouted worse.  "Aphrodite said the only one I could ever be with on a permanent basis was Tony.  That's just wrong!"

Gibbs gave him a long look then shook his head.  "I didn't want that mental image, Xander."  Xander gave him a sheepish look.  "Has she told him?"

"I think he's getting very drunk.  Oh, I get to set up a temple soon.  I was thinking a gun shop near where all the weapons design people are so their prayers would finally hit me and the gun nutjobs that buy there would do the same."

Gibbs looked at him then nodded.  "Not a bad idea."  He called Tony.  "Stay home if you're home.  If not, take a cab and go home, DiNozzo."  He hung up.  He sat down in his chair down there.  "What started off this search for a mate?"

"I was snuggling with Cordy and moving up to sex.  Aunt 'Dite made her forget all of it."

"That might not be a bad thing considering DiNozzo considers her a soul sucking bitch."

"I don't know, she never did that with me.  Only with her assigned football player."  Gibbs gave him an odd look then shook his head.  Strife appeared with Tony then left.  "Hi, future fiancee," he said dryly.  "Want part of the stairs?"

"No thanks.  She might make me kiss you and then I'd turn into an evil girl too."  Xander cackled at that.  "When is your confirmation?"

"Next week."  He looked at Gibbs.  "Wanna come up?  It'll be another party."

"We'll see what we're doing," he offered.  He looked at Tony.  "I take it you know?"

"Oh yeah.  Grandma came to brag about how good it'd be and how we would protect each other.  Plus if I ever quit NCIS I could run his temples locally."  He sat down resting against the boat.  "Since we're cousins....  I'm feeling a bit weird."

"Your grandmother married her nephew."

"I'm not one of the major Gods and I don't believe in incest," Tony complained.  "Otherwise I would've banged Hebe years ago."

"She's pretty," Xander pointed out.  He looked at Gibbs.  "So you see the problem of the moment.  I'm not even sure I like guys."

"Once you're confirmed it won't matter, all that matters is distaste for the individual," Tony told him.  He looked at Gibbs.  "Whereas I've tried it and didn't like it back in college."

"Tell your relatives," Gibbs told them.

"We have," they said in unison.

"I can't even see explaining this to McGee after introducing my cousin."

"Family money, that's why most arranged marriages happen," Gibbs said.

"I guess we could tell them about Mom being gone," Xander said grimly.  Tony scowled at him.  "With her pregnant her form won't stay stable and she's a bit homicidal from the mood swings.  They've got her confined in Ares' temple for everyone's good.  That's why I've been on my own for the last few months and everyone was ignoring me doing things.  They didn't even refill my allowance card so I did it on my own with the rest of the life insurance money," he said proudly.  Tony smiled at that.  "I managed to do everything for myself except buy groceries last month.  I've been creating so I had money for this month."

"I'm very proud, Xander," Tony said, grinning at him.

"Good job," Gibbs agreed.  Xander beamed at him too.  "Now you know how to budget and things like the rest of the adults around here."  Xander nodded at that, hugging his knees.  "It's straightened out?"

"More or less.  I've still got to placate the landlord.  He didn't want social services to drop down on him and fine him for my parents being gone.  I pointed out that they don't do that to Willow and they haven't been around since I got turned over.  He still doesn't want me living there alone."

Aphrodite appeared looking at the boys.  "Boys," she sighed.  "If you'd just give in, it'd be so much easier and nicer for you."

"I don't like boys, Grandmother," Tony said dryly.  "Tried it and found it lacking in satisfaction."

"Then obviously it was the boy since Cupie likes it better."

"That's Cupid," Xander told her, pointing at Tony.  "He's Tony.  Different person."

She scowled at him.  "I know that, Xander."  He shrugged.  "You could try it."

"I like girls."

"You like girls who're going to kill the rest of us, pookie."  She pinched him on the nose.  "Because if you knock one up, they're yours for eternity by Hera's laws."

Gibbs coughed.  "Not that I mind you showing up, Aphrodite, but I didn't need to know that much about you when you bend over."  She turned and glared at him.  "Plus, both boys seem to think that they want women."

"I can turn Tony into one," she said sweetly.

"You do that and I'm finding the biggest walking disease I can and bringing her to the next orgy," Xander promised.  "Don't hurt the Tony."

"See, you do love him."

"He's a friend!  Not a boyfriend, a friend."

She waved a hand. "Poo.  You'll get used to it."  She disappeared.  "By the way, happy vacation, Tony.  We needed someone to watch him."

Tony put his head down on his knees, shaking it.  "I'm sorry, boss."

"There are days I realize how boring my life used to be," Gibbs said dryly.  He answered his phone when it rang.  "Yeah, Gibbs."  He listened.  Then he shook his head.  "I've heard that from him.  No, his mother's pregnant and in a care facility for it.  She's in a lot of trouble health-wise, Director.  I have talked to Xander earlier tonight.  DiNozzo just found out as well.  No, he's here and we're talking about it.  Why?"  He listened, then tossed over the phone.  "The Director."

"Hello?" Tony asked, listening to him.  "No, sir, I could use a few days to go out to check on him but I don't think we need a team assigned to Sunnydale."

"The local reserve base is army," Xander said quietly.

"The local base out there is an Army Reserve base, Director."  He scowled at Gibbs.  "Sir, I'd hate the LA office and Sunnydale isn't within commuting distance.  Three hours."  He nodded.  "Exactly.  No, no bases nearby and I don't want reassigned.  Director, to be honest my family is trying to get me to take in Xander as my lover to protect him and the family's assets."  He listened to him splutter.  "I should go for a few days but not on a permanent basis.  I'll let you tell Gibbs that yourself."  Xander floated it back.  "It's for you, boss."

He listened, then snorted.  "Fat chance I'm switching offices, Sir.  I know that."  He looked at Xander, mouthing 'rocker launcher'.

Xander shrugged. "Necessary.  Very necessary."

"Yes, sir, I'm aware of why it happened."  He blinked then glared at Xander.  "Understatement?"

"The world or not because Buffy still went to jump Angel's bones.  Even after she knew he'd slip his soul and how evil he might become.  Though, gotta say, minor bitch of evil compared to some, even with the vamp leather pants."

Gibbs listened to the spluttering.  "He's here for a conference call, sir.  Because DiNozzo's side of the family wants them to marry.  They're both complaining that they're straight," he admitted.  "No, sir, I don't think we all need to take a field trip to Sunnydale.  Why?"  He listened.  "I'm aware of that.  Xander works on that problem, sir.  That's how he knew about the needed rocket launcher."  He smirked at the boys.  "If you insist, sir, but I would rather use my leave time....."  He sighed.  "If you insist, sir.  I know no one wants to piss off his grandfather."

"Ares, don't make them take time off to babysit me," he complained quietly.  "It's not fair to their teammates."  He got an answer of 'someone has to be there' and groaned.  "He likes your Grandmother's plan, Tony."

"That's because I'm cute and one of the few Apollo hasn't tapped yet," Tony said dryly.

"At least we wouldn't have to worry about any baby Xander's," Xander said grimly.

Tony gave him an odd look.  "You do know that Zeus and his sons all have the ability to give birth?"  Gibbs choked and hung up.  "Every last one of them."

Xander scowled and shook his head.  "No they don't.  I asked, Grandfather said it was a myth."

"Yeah, a myth since he had one," Tony said dryly.  "You can have baby Xander's with the right emotion and desire, Xander.  Another very good reason since I'd probably top."

"Then there's definitely no butt sex for me," Xander said with a shudder.  "Just the thought is ickacious."

Gibbs looked at him.  "Have triplets, make everyone happy.  Go home.  He'll be out there tomorrow."

"I've got a date tomorrow," Tony complained.  Gibbs glared at him.  "Fine.  I'll see you tomorrow, Xander."

"I'm skipping tomorrow so whenever is good."  He disappeared from right there, heading home.  He found his landlord wandering around.  "Nosy," he said dryly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I didn't hear the door."

"I'm special and I learned how to sneak."

"How's your mother?"

"Worse.  Now she's got two docs over her every move and fart."  That got a grimace.  "I've got a cousin who's going to come stay for a few days.  Would that be reasonable since half the family wants me to marry him?"

The guy nodded.  "Better than nothing.  You are still underaged, Xander."

"I raised myself," he complained.  "You didn't realize it until you came to fix the light I told you about."

"How long have you been alone?"

"Two... almost three months," he admitted.  "I've done damn good, haven't I?"

"You have but you're still too young.  So this cousin?"

"The same one who brought me back."

"The Fed? That's fine.  I can accept him.  As long as you have at least part-time supervision."

"Not like I throw wild parties."

He looked at him.  "I saw what happened at the mall."

"Then you saw the necessary thing being destroyed.  Before it ate everyone."

"I did but you still need a guardian who'll keep you off the news."   He walked off happier with that compromise.

Xander went into the kitchen to swear, finding all the food back in the fridge.  He pouted.  He could handle it.  He wasn't a child.  Tony appeared in a flash of light.  "Strife Express?"

"Grandmother, who is going to have wrinkles soon if she doesn't let up on her plan," he yelled up.  He looked at him.  "So."

"So," he agreed.  "We've got six spare rooms, pick one."  Tony smiled, heading up to do that while Xander went to attempt his homework.  "If I was less ethical I'd do what Amy did and hand in nothing but convince the teacher it was something," he complained.

"I would swat you, nephew," Athena called.  She appeared, looking at him.  "You're very stubborn.  It's a family trait."  She sat down beside him, going over the chemistry lesson with him.  She had done this in math a few times since he had been found.  Those were probably the only lessons he knew how to do.  He looked at her and nodded, hearing that thought.  She smiled.  "At least you're learning something."

"Frustration."

"It'll be fine."

"Can you get Aphrodite off my backside?  I like girls.  Tony's nice but he's not a girl."

"In matters of love only she and Cupid have purview, Xander.  If I tried I'd be yelled at for meddling."  He pouted.  "Stand firm. That family stubbornness is good in this case."  Xander nodded, getting back to work.  "Good job."  She stroked over his arm.  "We'll do what we can."  He nodded, still pouting.  Tony leaned in.  "You're here too?"

"Watching over him since the landlord noticed he was here alone.  He was going to have someone in social services come get him for a while."  He came in to look at the homework, wincing. "I hated chemistry."

"Don't you do sciency things at work?" Xander asked, looking confused.

Tony smiled at the adorable look then mentally swore at the love gods.  "Abby does more of that than I do.  I mostly measure, take pictures, and pick up stuff."

"Oh."  He nodded and got back to work.  "I'm never going to do Abby's job."

"That's fine, Xander."  He patted him on the head.  "I'm up the hall if you need stuff."  He headed back to his room swearing mentally at both his grandmother and her son.

Strife appeared.  "You made Cupie pout.  He said it's not his doing; that was *your* thought."

"I don't think 'adorable' about boys."

"He is," Strife admitted dryly.  "Very, very adorable when he's confused."  He smirked and shrugged one-sidedly.  "It'll happen if it does or they get too pushy.  She's gone to Zeus, you know that right?"  He disappeared.

Tony sent a prayer to Ares about that.  He had to stop that before it got worse.  They weren't even well suited.  Xander was only seventeen!  He didn't even know what job he wanted to end up doing as a cover!

***

Ares looked at Zeus.  "If you make that part of his confirmation you'll kill him," he said quietly.

"He'll see sense before then," he said happily.

"Xander's seventeen, Father.  He likes girls.  Bad girls but he likes girls."  Zeus shrugged.  "He's also against being more than friends with Tony because they're cousins and he *was* raised mortal to believe that's wrong.  He'll hate all of us if you go with this plan.  If it develops on its own, fine.  If it doesn't, then they need to get over it.  Quickly."

"He'll learn to love him."

"He doesn't think he can stand gay sex and Tony doesn't favor gay sex.  Which means they're both going to break their marriage vows and then you're in trouble with Hera," he said patiently.  Hera walked in.  "Can you please talk some sense into him and Aphrodite?"

"I've been trying with her.  They're much alike really."

"Except for the decade age gap, the fact that Tony's only immortal, and that Xander doesn't like boys as far as he knows.  Tony tried it and doesn't like boys."  She grimaced at that.  "That means breaking their bonds.  If he makes it part of Xander's confirmation he'll die before he gives in.  Or he'll go rogue.  Which would you rather have?"

"You're seeing the most dire of circumstances again," Zeus said dryly.

Xander appeared, looking at him.  "I'm not marrying anyone without *my* wanting it, Zeus.  Not Aphrodite doing it for me, not Cupid doing it for me.  If and when I decide to marry I'll be the one making that decision.  It probably won't be Tony.  He's my cousin and I find that so disgusting a thought that there'd be no need to carry on the family name.  Ever."  He looked hurt.  "I'm also not bearing babies.  I also don't like boys.  Why in the hell do I want to be the person underneath someone else?  If I went for boys it'd probably be on top and sorry, so's Tony if he went for boys ever again.  Which he doesn't plan on because it wasn't good before when he tried it.  That's beyond the fact that I'm too young to legally marry without parental consent and the fact that if he did, his career and life is over with.  His career because they can fire him for being gay and out.  The military is that way right now."

Ares nodded, he had forgotten that.  "His life because incest is one of those things that mortals will use to burn someone at a stake these days.  It's that awful to us.  As I was raised one, it's that horrible to me too.  If and when I decide to try boys and Tony wants to help me, we'll talk them and I'll probably be very drunk.  Which I also hate as you very well know."  He stared him down.  "Yes, I'd rather die than go to a loveless marriage based on someone else's opinions.  Especially the opinion of someone who doesn't know me very well.  Not like any of them have spent a lot of time with me.  I might take a setup Strife gives but anyone else?"  He snorted.  "Nope.  You can't even name my favorite type of music.  How do you think you could pick a good spouse for me?  Beyond the fact that from what I heard in mythology class, you didn't want yours either.  Unlike you, I'm not going to go willingly.  I will kick, fight, scream, and destroy anyone who tries to force me into it."

"We can keep you from being confirmed," he said.

Xander shrugged. "And that means what?  I'm already doing my job, Zeus.  If that's like graduation, I can get it through the mail."  Zeus gave him a horrified look.  "You try to force me on someone and I will guarantee that even if they're the most perfect person in the world for me I'd never go for it.  That's beyond the fact that I'm too young to marry.  It's also illegal where I come from," he said slowly and clearly.  "Not even Las Vegas is going to do it for you.  Should you try, well, then we'll have a fight won't we?"  He waved a hand and took Zeus's lightening bolt.  "I am over weapons.  All weapons."  He crushed it and it fizzled out so he handed it back.  "I don't want to fight but you make me and it's on."  He disappeared.

"Told you he was stubborn," Ares said dryly.  Inside he was cackling.  The boy had points.  The boy also had some very large brass balls.

"The boy does have a few good reasons," Hera noted. "I would not sanction that marriage unless they both wanted it.  It's clear that neither side does at this time."

"He can't do that!" Zeus yelled. "Hephaestus!"  He appeared.  "Fix that."

He looked at it then shook his head. "I can't, Zeus.  Whatever you did to it destroyed it.  I'll have to craft you a new one."  He looked at him, seeing the horrified look.  "What did you do to it?"

"Xander was proving a point," Ares told him.  "They're trying to force him to marry Tony."

"Tony's cute but he dates billions of women a year," Hephaestus said dryly.

Hera moaned.  "Aphrodite!"  She appeared, looking unhappy.  "You cannot change their gender desire to make a match.  You did that a few generations back and do you remember the problems when your spell wore off?"  She pouted.  "If they want it, then they will work it out."

"But Xander draws women that can destroy us," she complained.

Zeus looked at her then pointed at his lightening bolt.  "He just threatened me and all of us if you should try or if I should try to put it as part of his confirmation."

"He needs someone to take care of him."

"How would he know?" Ares asked. "He's never had one."  She disappeared in a huff.  "She needs some sanity, Hephie.  Isn't that you job?"

"I'll make a new lightening bolt tomorrow, Zeus."  He went to comfort his wife and make her see sense.  Before she got all of them destroyed.

"Xander?" Ares called.  He reappeared, looking at him.  "I want to try something."  He pulled his sword. "Can you take it from me?"

Xander looked at him then grimaced and shrugged, then attacked Ares to tickle him until he dropped it.  He held it.  "See?"  He beamed and disappeared.  Ares flashed out to get it back.  "You said...."

Ares snatched it. "Try calling it, Xander."

Xander concentrated.  "It loves you.  It's part of you."  He called to the weapon aspect and felt it answer.  "Not while you're living.  If it wasn't as comfortable with you."  Ares put it down and Xander tried it again.  This time it did come to his call.  "You override the weapon aspect of the sword."

"So my link overwhelms your call but if something happens to me you can call my sword," he said thoughtfully.  Xander nodded, handing it back.  "Good to know.  Leave Zeus to the rest of us."

"Just stop Aunt 'Dite, please!" he begged.  "I don't need to marry.  Next time she might try Buffy or Willow."

Ares shuddered.  "I'd let you go from life first, grandson."  He left, going to talk to the Fates.  "Does Xander have a lover later on that the Love Gods haven't messed with?"

All three women nodded.  "Not soon," Atropos admitted, letting him see it.

Ares smirked and nodded.  "So if and when might apply.  Thank you, ladies.  Keep them out of it if you can?  She's trying to force it now."  He disappeared, going back to the study he had been in.  "Good news.  My personality and link to my sword overwhelm Xander's call when I'm holding it, but if someone steals it again he can find it fastest."  They both smiled.  Ares had a period when he had lost his sword nearly every year.  "I checked with the Fates.  There's a love later on.  When they're both a bit older.  Not now and not Love God related.  I didn't look into how but I did ask them to please keep them out of it."  That got another nod.  "So, his confirmation is on?"

"It's on," Zeus sighed.  "Without the restriction."

"Thank you."  He disappeared, going to see why Xander wasn't getting half of his prayers.  He'd need those some year soon to deal with hellmouth events.

Hera smiled at Zeus.  "See, it's not hard to do the right thing now and then."  She got up and went to check on the boy before going to bed.

Zeus sulked.  He still owed Aphrodite that favor if he couldn't do this for her.  He hated owing her.  She always asked for bad paybacks.

***

Xander made it back to school and walked into a warzone.  Literally.  He ducked the water balloon, sending the next one back at the person who threw it.  He made it to the office.  "Are we having a celebration to Ares' and Poseidon's names?"

The secretary nodded.  "It appears so.  We're immune in here."

Xander looked out there, then shook his head.  "No you're not."  He held the door closed, sealing it with godly powers.  "Just stay in here."  He walked out the other exit, heading around to the library and then down through it to the main floor again.  He watched the carnage, looking over to find a confused Strife next to him.  "That was my feeling."

"Unc's really confused."

"Me too.   He want it stopped?"

"Yeah."  He faded out.  "I'd disappear."

Xander dodged a water balloon and created a cold shower over everyone.  They screamed and quit fighting.  He looked up at the sprinklers that had been turned on then at them.  "Are we having a festival to Ares and Poseidon?" he asked the people staring at him.

"He's evil," one girl said.  "The Gods will be mad."

Xander frowned.  "Which Gods?"

"The Sunnydale Gods," she snorted.  "Don't you know anything?"

Xander looked around.  "Professor Raynes?" he called.  He ducked out of his classroom.  "Did I miss a lesson on the Sunnydale Gods?"

"No, they're delusional."  He smiled at the boy's confused look.  It was quite adorable.

"Ah."  He looked back at them and created a boundary, letting them stay there and be soaked.  He looked down the hall again.  "I can feel about seven more coming up behind you and three heading for the library.  Would you like to go rescue Giles like a slightly tarnished knight?"

"Delighted to, my dear boy."  He ran that way, dodging a missile.  He knew the water balloons had more than water in them.  He made it into the library and walked Giles into his office.  "We need to shield things from the demonic little ones with the water balloons.  They're not normal."

Giles looked out there at Buffy and Willow.  "They appear to be."  He stepped out and got pelted, feeling the potion work on him.  "The Sunnydale Gods do object," he said, picking one out of Buffy's hand.

Ethan came out with a shield up and locked the library doors.  Then he prayed like hell to Janus and Hecate.  He found out Xander was right.  So he set off the single sprinkler above them, using his shield to confine them and the evil water balloons.  Xander appeared beside him, damp.  "Did you get hit?"

"Hell no."  He gave him a look.  "I had to shove a few under the water by tackling."  He raised his hands and created a wash of light, watching as it came down with the water.  They screamed and writhed but the demon finally left them alone.  "Good morning!" he said loudly.  "How are we today!  I like coming back to a war with demons!  Put down the water balloons!"  They did that.  "Thank you!  That's the potion to let them in."  He walked over and unlocked the library door.  "Thanks, Ethan."  He headed out, going to disenchant the other students.  Cordelia gave him an evil look.  "Whine, bitch.  You'd rather be possessed and turn into me?"

She shuddered and walked off.  "I hate you!"

He blew a kiss.  "That's because you don't know what you're missing."  The rest of the students finally came free.  All but one.  He knocked him out and they all shrieked, getting away from the passing out person.  Xander released the shields around them when they strained, letting them run.  "Go dry off," he yelled.  "Class starts soon and you'll all get sick like that!"  They headed to the bathrooms, grumbling the whole way about faulty sprinkler systems.  He and the step-principal, until the school board named someone, met at the downed student.  "He was involved."

"Charming.  Let's heft him up.  Can you unpossess him?"

Xander looked at him then shook his head.  "It was willing.  All we can do is hope he'll give them up."  He helped him carry the boy into the nurse's office.  "He passed out under the sprinkler.  I think he thinks he's melting," he told the nurse.

Ares appeared, looking over his shoulder.  "He needs a priest, not a nurse."  He clapped Xander on the back.  "Good job.  I'll have the car fixed for you."  Xander hugged him and he disappeared.

Principal Woods looked at him.  "Did he just appear?"

"Yeah, he's a high priest of Ares'.  He's training me to take his place some decade."

"Oh!"  He nodded.  "Good to know.  Good strategy too."  He clapped him on the back. "I'll call a priest I know."  He went to do that.  "We'll have a study hall for the first few classes until most everyone's dried out."

"I'll be in the library."  He went to do that, snapping his fingers to turn off the sprinklers.  Cordy gave him an odd look.  "There's one on in the library.  Giles was going to freak.  We have a study hall until we're dry.  Coming?"

"Eehhh.  Maybe later."

He nodded and she left to check on her minions while he went to the library.  He drew out a symbol and handed it to Ethan.  "What the kid in the nurse's office did willingly.  Woods is calling a priest.  Grandfather said it was needed."

Ethan looked at it then nodded.  "I do know of him.  He's not particularly nice."  He let Giles see, watching him mutter and walk off swearing in Ancient Egyptian.  "And a language lesson, you are blessed," Ethan said dryly.

Xander grinned.  "Well, yeah, by Hera and Ares.  She even makes really good brownies with Hestia."  Ethan went pale and he grinned.  "So, what did I miss while I was out?  I got my hands-on project done."  He dug it out of the backpack he had left in the corner, handing it over.  "Here you go."

He looked it over then at him.  "This is well below your capabilities, young man."

"I've been fighting off the evil aunt who wants me to marry my male cousin.  Give me a break."

Ethan blinked.  "One of your aunts wants you to marry a male cousin?"  Xander nodded.  "Why?" he demanded.

"Because she thinks it'll be good for both of us straight guys.  Especially where I draw bad girls."

Ethan just nodded and walked out.  "I'll grade this with that in mind, Mr. Harris.  Thank you."

"Study hall until we're dry," Xander called after him.  Giles handed him a book.  "Thanks, G-man."

Giles gave him a look.  "I do loathe that name, Xander, and it's already been a trying morning."

Xander looked around then made him a mug of tea with extra in it.  "Here, because you had to be saved by Ethan."

Giles took a sip then smiled.  "I do thank you.  I need the liquor."  He walked off sipping his tea with honey mead.  It was going to be a better morning soon.

Willow came in.  "What happened?"

"Some kid sold himself to some demon and the fun part was infecting others," Xander said as he read.  "That's what's in the water balloons.  You might want to go gather them."

She looked at his book.  "That's on magic, Xander," she said impatiently.  "Not yours."

"I gave it to him, leave him the bloody hell alone," he called from the office.  Giles came to the doorway.  "I want him to read that, Willow."

"Why?" Buffy asked.  "He's non-magic guy."

Xander looked at her.  "Actually there is some in the family.  That's why spells go funny around me.  He thinks that if I learn basic theory it'll be less wonky around me."  He went back to reading.

"There can't be," Willow told him.

He put his anklet on the table.  "How do you think it's grown with me since I was a few days old, Willow?" he asked absently.  She stomped off.  "Buffy, water balloons before we have to depossess everyone again?"  She nodded, going to do that.  He sighed, putting his foot back down.  "It'd be so much easier if I told them sometimes."

"Probably not.  Neither one can keep a secret," Giles said, going back to his doctored tea.  He came back out.  "Where did you find honey mead?"

"Ethan's bottom desk drawer."  He grinned at him.  "Since he freaked you out and all...."  He trailed off with a grin.  "I think that's fair."  It also fit very well with Ethan's version of fun chaos.

"Very.  Thank you.  Next time create it."

"I don't do liquor."

"Oh, I forgot."   He went to finish it and lay down for a nap.  The children could do without him for a few hours.  They could taunt Ethan for not having created that much chaos for Janus.  He was sure one of them would.

Xander looked over as Ethan came in.  "I gave him some of your mead since you scared the crap out of him by helping him."

Ethan smiled.  "A small price to pay for the look on his face."  He sat across from him.  "How is your education going?"

"Fairly okay.  I'm good in my areas.  Apparently Auntie H is waiting to teach me other things."  He felt someone lurking and looked behind them.  "I can feel you, Willow."  She came out of the stacks scowling.  He looked at Ethan again.  "They're doing good with the shielding lessons and those right now."

"As they should.  Now and then you do glow a bit brightly to Other Sight when you're tired."

Xander nodded.  "That happens I guess.  Erin came in looking like a candle the other night, all of it in his hair."  That got a smirk.  "I haven't met your other self."

"I'm sure he'll get around to it, young man."  He patted him on the hand.  "Now, the history assignment was well done, but still below your usual effort."

Xander looked at him.  "We didn't have food in the house for two weeks, Ethan.  My mother's still being cared for.  Feel lucky I made it to school."

"Good point.  I'll still give you a B for the effort you put into it."  Xander smiled.  "Been a while?" he taunted gently.

"Sixth grade," he agreed happily.

"Good.  Then your next one will be one with more detail, more effort, and less whining at the end."  He stood up.  "Do it on one of the subjects we'll be covering this term."  Xander nodded.  "Good lad."  He walked out smiling and happy.  They could get along.  Even though he knew that the Godling would swat him if he hurt Ripper they could get along well enough.  It almost made up for the rest of the heathen brats in the school.

"You were talking with Ethan," Willow accused.

Xander looked over and nodded.  "Yeah.  One of my relatives does magic like him and all the relatives with magic are helping me shield and those things so I don't trip over every single spell in the world.  This way I've got some protection.  He was checking up on a relative."  He went back to reading.

"I bet Giles doesn't know.  You whammied him," she said firmly.

Xander looked at her.  "I don't need to, Willow.  He knows the same members of the family and he's helping them teach me."  He put the book down.  "I'm sorry if you're having to take a new look at me, but yay.  I'd rather have shields so I don't get sucked into all your spells, like the one that nearly killed me recently, and everyone else's stuff.  We've got seven witches in this school."  She gaped.  "I'd rather not be the magnet that draws the power to me.  Or the spirits as the case may be."

"I didn't hurt you."

"Willow, I nearly died when you decided to suck my energy while pretending to ground the hellmouth," he said honestly.  "Fortunately the relatives realized it and fixed it.  Then they reset the spell.  Don't believe me?  Ask Giles when he wakes up.  He's a bit drunk on some honey mead from Ethan's desk to take the sting of this morning and being saved by Ethan out of his head."  He went back to reading.

"I say those cuffs you wear aren't magical, they're demonic," she said, grabbing the one around his neck.  Then she shrieked as her hand burned.  Buffy came jogging in.  "It's demonic!"

"It's not," Giles said from the doorway.  "Willow, his grandfather is one of the highest of high priests to Ares.  Of course it reacted to your magic.  You meant him ill."  He came over to get a closer look at it then smiled at the boy.  "A few have changed."

"Erin a few days back.  He said the black and silver thing didn't work as well for me."  That got a smile and a nod.  He looked at Buffy.  "She grabbed my collar."

She came over, touching it with a fingertip then her whole hand.  "It's not burning me, Willow.  Maybe he's right and it's because you're freaking out about his family teaching him shielding and stuff so he stays out of your spells."

"One of my family knows Ethan," Xander told her.  She shuddered.  "He's been nice and checking up on me for them.  That's why I stole his liquor for Giles."

"I do appreciate that."  He got the first aid kit for her hand, turning around to find a god in the way with a head like a hammerhead shark.  "Lord Janus," he said, going to his knees.

"Good boy, Ripper."  He patted him on the head.  He looked at Xander.  "We have not met."

"No, we hadn't."  He shook his hand.  "Auntie H said I should meet you now so we can see if I need to learn from you too."

He looked at him.  "No, you don't have much in my gifts.  Though you can cause very pretty chaos," one face told him.

The other face nodded.  "You have in the past as well.  You being stolen caused chaos that rippled for centuries, young one."   Xander smirked at that.  "It is something not even we can do."

"Sorry to step on toes," he offered.

"Better you than us in that case," the forward seeing head assured him.  He leaned down.  "Some day that when and if may happen."

"If it does it'll be my choice and his choice," he said quietly.  "Not theirs."

"Agreed."  He smiled and ruffled his hair.  "Tell Ethan he gave us tainted meat."  Xander sent that to him, bringing him running.  He skidded to a stop by running into Buffy and went to his knees there.  "Ah, there you are.  We did not want to scare the little beings.  You gave us tainted meat?"

"I did?"

"You did."

"I'll get fresh and give you some of that," he vowed in a breathy voice.  "Thank you for correcting me, Lord Janus."

"That's my good boy," they said together, petting his head.  "Such good boys.  That's why Hecate sent you here.  She misses the power you brought together."  He smiled at Giles, who turned pale.  "When you're ready to move on call upon us, Rupert."

"Yes, Lord Janus."

"Good boy."  He smiled at Willow.  "Welcome to my service, young lady.  It's not often I get crossovers from the purity patrol."  She went pale, holding her hand.  "Only a chaos witch would dare interfere with something Ares himself set on the favored boy of the line.  Even Hera dotes on that one."

"She makes good brownies," Xander told him.

He smiled.  "I'll have to see if she'll make me some."  He shielded the door.  "Do show them soon, young one."  Strife appeared, shaking his head.  "No?"

"No.  As few as possible and these two can't keep secrets.  Things keep getting out."  He looked at her hand.  "That's going to take Hecate to clear up.  It's her spell."  He looked at Janus again.  "Unc said so."

"I foresee them needing to know but not always."

"Then we can lock it away as specific circumstance knowledge so no one panics if I have to do something?" Xander asked.

"I can," Ethan promised.  He checked the door, reinforcing the shield since he could feel one of the school's witches out there.  His god smirked at him.  "The witchly one, sire."

"I know.  She's cute, Ripper.  Aphrodite is cooing."  He disappeared.  The shields held.

"Now," Ethan told him.  Xander stood up and took off his shirt, letting his wings out.  The women gaped and Giles moaned at the full sight.  "Thank you."  He undid it and sat down looking like a normal teenager again.  He looked at both ladies.  "He has been blessed by his lineage back to Ares himself."

Xander looked up.  "Grandpa."  They stared at him in horrified shock.  He nodded.  "Mom's pregnant and so sick that she's back up there.  That's why Tony's staying with me."  He went back to his reading.  He frowned.  "Giles, this gold thingy sounds like a dirty golden shower."

"It appears as such too but it comes from the fingers instead," he instructed, getting up.  "Do lock that away, Ethan."  He locked their memories while Giles showed him what that was.  "Not so different than earlier only for a different purpose."

"I guess that's cool.  We nearly done?  Ms. Calendar wants in and she's about to shake the door."  Ethan nodded, finishing with Willow and doing some other adjustments.  Her hand was healed with the fixes and Xander opened the door with a snap of his fingers.  Ethan took his own shields back so the power wouldn't be wasted and it was good.  She peeked in.  "We're not having that bad of a party, come along."

She smiled and walked in.  "Thank you, Mr. Rayne."

"You're welcome, sweets."  He smiled at her then at the girls.  "I do believe you and Willow should have a talk.  She's begun to stray."

"I know you're one of us."

"Ah," he said, smiling fondly.  "Not quite one of you.  I have a more fun calling."

"Janus?" she guessed.  He nodded and smirked.  "That's why you felt slimy to me that first day."  She smiled and walked Willow off.  "We'll talk.  Is she straying that badly?"

"Oh, indeed."  He looked at Buffy, who looked confused again.  "What?"

"Why is he glowing?"

"It's the shields on him, ducks."

"I'm not a duck," she complained.

"It's a pet name for a girl," Giles told her.

"Though I can fix that and then you'd adore the water and rain; you'd never have another bad hair day in my class or even a bad breast day when your shirt wouldn't stay at a decorous amount of flashed tit," Ethan offered.  She stomped off to help Willow.  He chuckled and smiled at Xander.  "Lovely morning.  Too bad I didn't do it."

"If we have to do it again we'll know why," Xander said dryly.

"Of course not.  I'd never repeat.  How boring."  He left, going back to his classroom.

Giles looked at him.  "If you'll discourage her on my behalf I'll discourage her on yours."

"I've been trying.  What she saw she saw and she sees into the heart and soul, Giles.  That's a direct quote."  He looked up.  "You can tell him yourself, uncle."  Cupid appeared and said something quietly in Giles' ear, getting a nod.  "We good?"

"We're fine.  Hecate's cackling at how you fixed it.  She said you wanted a wet t-shirt contest."

"Always a fine thing," Xander said happily.  "Even though I didn't look.  Much."  Cupid giggled and disappeared.  He smiled at Giles.  "I did try."

"I know.  Thank you, Xander.  Can you perhaps steal more of that mead?"  Xander handed him the whole bottle.  "Thank you.  I'll pour some so you can give it back to him later."  He went to do that so Xander could give it back when the principal called classes back to order.

Xander walked it in there, handing it to him.  "Giles said thank you for the loan."  He walked out, going to math.

Ethan shook his head.  "He'll remember soon enough."  He got back to work grading.  It was his free period so he could finish soaking up all the remnants of chaos the wetting down had caused.  New leerings.  A few people having sex in the bathroom or the gym's changing areas.  One brave one in the chemistry lab.  All the girls whining about their hair and clothes.  One muttering about a winged freak.  He took her memories too, leaving her standing in the hall looking very confused.  He went to give her to the nurse.  "She appears to have suffered a mental slip, love.  Here you go, Miss Chase."  He sat her down and went back to his classroom.

Robin Woods stepped into the history classroom.  "Please no magicing the students, Mr. Rayne."

"She was ranting that Xander was the cause of this morning.  I simply removed that thought."

He nodded.  "Fine.  From now on no more without permission."  He walked off, going to shoo students to class.

"Of course I'll ask if I have to do anything *official*," Ethan said with a smug look.  "For Janus though...."  He snickered.  "We'll see what we come up with."

***

Xander smiled at the assembled family.  "No marriage clause, right?" he asked Aphrodite, who shook her head.  Zeus walked up to where he was going to formally announce him.  "Are we going to name me God over bad girls too?" he teased.

Hera looked at him.  "No, that's Ares' job," she told him, cracking Discord up.

"They are drawn to him," Hermes agreed happily.

"It's so I don't have to deal with them," Apollo told him.

Zeus coughed, waving Xander forward.  "We are here to confirm our God of Weapons and Tactics, stationed in the House of War.  Does anyone object to his calling?"  No one said anything.  "Again, does anyone object to him being called as such?"  No one said anything but Cupid shifted so he was leaning his weight on his other side.  "And I ask a final time, does anyone object to this one being confirmed."  Xander looked around and Zeus smiled.  "So be it."  He created a silver challis.  "Drink and take up your godhood officially, Xander, God of Weapons and Tactics."

Xander took the cup and drank it all down, not making much of a face.  "I'll do my best to do my job well and right."  He bowed to him and backed off a step.  "Any words of warning from you, the Fates, or anyone else who has visions?" he asked.  Discord had suggested it with where he lived and worked.

Hecate moaned, grabbing her forehead.  "One.  That Chase girl is going to cause more problems."

Xander looked at her.  "I can watch for her.  Personal, Godly, or just Sunnydale problems?"

"Personal for you."

Xander nodded at that.  "Then I'll watch out for her.  Anyone else?"

Strife pulled out a dagger to clean his nails.  "We're hoping not."

Athena grunted and everyone stared at her.  "My feet are asleep.  Are we done?  Can we get on to the festivities now?"  Everyone looked at Zeus and Hera.

"We do proclaim him confirmed and a full God, though he is still learning some of his arts," Hera noted calmly.  "Now we may celebrate like the mature Gods we are."  That got a cheer from the Muses and the bar was opened for those who drank.  Xander cornered Hecate to find out what sort of problem, then he got a soda and went to dance with his mother since she had been let out for a while.  It made her smile happily and feel much better to know that she wasn't abandoned.  Hera coughed about an hour later.  "Xander, dear, you do know that you have to open presents?"

"Presents?" he asked, his eyes lighting up.  "I get presents?"

"He looks like a five-year-old at Christmas," Discord joked.

Xander gave her a dirty look.  "Were you over the Harris'?  I never figured out who was over them."  She backed off at that.  He smiled at his great-grandmother.  "Lead me to my presents?" he asked happily, taking her arm to walk her that way.  "Oooooh, lots of presents," he said, cracking some of the other Gods up.  "More than I've had in a very long time."  He settled down on the stairs next to the table, calling over his first one.  The dagger was very nice.  "Thanks, Discord.  I'll carry it on patrol with me.  I needed a new one."  He tucked it into his waistband and kept going, finding clothes from his aunts, all of whom said it matched his body very well and wouldn't clash with anything in his closet.  He found a leather jacket from Ares.  He beamed at him.  "To go with the pants that make vampires want to adopt me?"

"That's one way to hunt," Ares joked back, cracking Athena up but Strife gave them both worried looks.  "He'll be fine, Strife."

Strife stepped away from him.  "I don't wanna be close when the realization hits you two."  He handed Xander his.  "From me."

Xander looked then sniffled and gave him a hug.  "I needed the prank book.  Thank you.  I'll use them on Willow to make her loosen up."  He sat on it before it could be taken and got into his last few, smiling at the rest of the clothes.  The last one confused him.  "Why did I get a headband?"

"It's an official part of your outfit," Hera advised.  "We each have formal robes of state basically.  That's part of yours with your official emblem and the House's emblem.  The rest we'll decide on."

Xander looked at her.  "Is that why Ares was insistent that I learn to like leather pants?  Someone said it was the family's dress code.  Though, I'll look like the guy who did Riverdance in the headband and leather pants."

Hera coughed to hide her smile.  "No, Xander.  Not even Ares can wear leather during a formal event."  She stroked over his hair.  "We only have one or two a century.  One of the Goddesses will help you find an outfit for that, which we'll have to accept."

"Okay."

"I call it," Aphrodite called.

"No," Xander said, giving her a look.  She pouted.  "If you do it, I'll end up in assless pants.  Ones with the snap-on codpiece."

She pouted.  "You'd look adorable in them," she offered happily.  "But they're robes by decree, Xanny.  Not pants."

"So?" he snorted.  "They'd still be easy access."  He looked at Hera.  "Are we talking like Dumbledore robes and the pointy hat?"

"Not the hat," Athena complained.

Hecate gave her an odd look.  "I still think it's cute that some of the odd ones who want to believe very badly protested that you don't fly on broomsticks that way."

"I'll help him," Artemis said, smiling at Xander.  "Nothing too furry, no animal prints, and nothing too slinky."

"Okay."  He beamed.  "We'll figure it out this weekend?  Or are you busy?"

"I'm busy this weekend but we can do it next weekend."  She smiled and led him out to talk to him about what was mandatory and what was preference.  The music restarted and they got back to the serious business of partying.  Xander was a big God now.  It was time for a good party.

The End.