An idea came across on the Sylum list for a trio of telepathic CSI...  Well, how about an offshoot to demon ballistics?  ::groan::

Xander walked into his advisor's office, frowning at her.  "What?" he asked, sounding a bit cranky.

"Eat your own cooking?" she taunted without looking up.

"No, I got a sudden dream to come see you?"  She gave him an odd look so he stared back.  "Yeah, me.  Why?"

"I knew we had *one*," she said quietly, looking him over.

"Uh-huh.  That's why I lost my eye, so I'd be able to see," he said bitterly.  He flopped down in her student chair, looking at her.  "So why the summoning?"

"Because we need you to use your special skills and combine them with your major, Xander."

"Why?" he asked cautiously.  "Can't I just play with the guns?"

"Now and then we all need the helping hand."  She looked him over again.  "How are you staying in shape?"

"Combat," he said bluntly.  She gaped.  "I work with the city's defenders against the strange crap."

"The Powers....."

"Loathe me.  I feel the same way.  Again, why?"

"Because....."  She pulled out something, handing it over.  "They have need of one but they won't admit it."

Xander looked at it then at her.  "I can't do all that.  Now and then I get a vision of something coming up, usually world ending.  I'm not a micro vision person."

"Can it be retuned?"  He gave her an odd look.  "Not like I have a clue."

Xander looked up.  "You wanna answer her?" he called.  Nothing happened.  He coughed. "Now, please. You owe my ass," he said quietly.  "Or else I'm feeding Angel sick blood and sending him to you."  A book fell on the table.  "Thank you.  Go back to your preordained boredom."  He flipped open the book, finding what he needed, handing it over.  "There."

She read it, then groaned.  "No retuning?"

"Nope.  Not without a boon from the Powers, who loathe me.  It seems when they ordained my life they didn't realize how stubborn and strong it was going to make me."

"Oh."  She handed it back.  "Anything else you can do?"

"Be possessed often.  Fire guns."

"Fine.  If you get cases like that would you help?"

"Of course.  Not that I'm expecting it unless someone trips over something that'll end the world.  Then I'll show up with my nifty sword and crossbow collection.  Maybe even some artillery.  Who knows."  He stood up, tucking the book under his arm.  "Need me for anything else?"

"Not yet, Xander.  Thank you."

"Welcome."

"Do we have another?"

Xander gave her another odd look.  "What makes you think we sit around and talk about this stuff?"  He walked off shaking his head.  One of his other teachers gave him an odd look.  "Got asked what I do in my off-time," he said dryly.  That teacher shuddered.  He had saved her a few times since they had met.  She's the one who had suggested he could do what he liked doing and get paid for it by a major city or corporation.  He got outside, going to his car, taking the book back to where the Oracles were hiding.  He walked through their portal, handing the female figure the book back.  "Thanks for the lending.  She wanted a micro visionary if you know any who want to be ballistics techs."  He walked off humming, leaving them looking confused and flustered.  They really did hate him.  He made it back to Wolfram and Hart, grinning at Angel.  "They wanted a micro-visionary if we know any who want to be CSI."

Angel whimpered, walking off shaking his head.  "Go away," he moaned.

"Dose that mean I can go play with Fred in the lab?" he called after his vampire boss.

"I don't care. Don't end the world and if you do, don't let me know first so I won't stop you two."

"Cool," he breathed, going down there.  "Oh, Winifred, my dear evil mentor, we have free reign as long as we don't tell Angel we're going to end the world first."

She looked over from her chemistry experiment.  "What did you do?" she asked, frowning like a good mother should.  She had adopted Xander.  He needed a mothering figure.

"My teacher wanted a micro-visionary for an open forensics spot."  He put on his lab coat and glasses, coming over to help her.  "Hmm.  Funny putty?"  She smiled and nodded, letting him hold the beaker.  "I had to borrow a book from the Powers but I gave it back already."  She nearly dropped the beaker she was pouring from.  "What?"

"You and the Oracles need to stay apart," she said bluntly.  "Please?  They keep trying to end the world when you go to see them."

Xander cackled.  "That's beyond even my powers," he said happily.   "I told them what she needed so they could route someone this way if necessary.  She needed someone to talk to spirits hanging around at crime scenes and get spot visions like they did on Profiler."  She whimpered.  "I pointed out I'm a macro-visionary, not a micro.  If I see it, I'll need artillery."

"Did you eat Cocoa Puffs for breakfast again?" she demanded.

"No, I had a bagel with you," he reminded her, grinning. "Why?"

"How many candy bars did you have on the way to the college?"  He shook his head slowly.  "You promise?"  The other techs in there gave her an evil look.  "Xander?"

"I promise, no candy on the way there, Fred.  Really.  I'm simply in a good mood."  He beamed.  "Oooooh, look what I learned how to make."  He grabbed some test tubes and got to work on making a different thing, then added her putty.

"Um, Xander, demonic putty," she complained, but it was too late.  The ball was formed and he bounced it, letting it bounce around the room.  She watched, following it with her head as it kept bouncing.  A few test tubes and things got broken.  The mass spec got a dinged screen.  Then someone wisely let it out of the room so it could go play with others in the building.  "He's sorry," Fred called.   "He won't do it again."

Xander went to grab the broom.  "My bad.  Didn't know she was mixing demonic putty, thought it was regular fun putty."  He got to work cleaning up his mess.

Fred got a call a few minutes later from someone.  "Winifred...."  She listened, then giggled.  "No, Xander learned how to make it but he didn't know I was making new demonic putty instead of the regular putty.  Sorry, Angel."  She hung up.  "Xander, the guards herded it toward the senior offices.  Go retrieve your toy.  Angel said it was a pitiful attempt to take over the world."

"Until you light it and then it's a pretty explosion," he said with a manic grin.

One of the other researches pulled open her drawer, handing Xander a candy bar.  "Go away, Xander.  Please?"  She took the broom, using it to give him a shove.  She wouldn't directly touch him because she had heard he tainted half-demons and former demons into making them obsess over him.  "Pretty please?"

He walked out nibbling the candy bar all the way up the elevator ride to the senior partner's offices.  He caught his ball, grinning at Angel, taking his last bite.  "You know, if I add electricity, it'll go boom very prettily."  He walked off, handing the wrapper to a guard.  "I got told to quit distracting the germ people."  He went to play somewhere else instead.  The weapons locker was *his* area and no one could run him out. He brought a requisition back.  "Sorry, meant to hand that in last night."  He grinned at Angel.

"Why do we need a rocket launcher?" Angel asked tiredly.

"Because the next demon, or the one after that, is fifty foot tall and likes to lick buildings, then try to blow them.  It'll freak out people since it's a daytime demon.  We can explode it pretty easily when it comes out of the ground or even blow it back into the ground so it can't come up here.  Then it'd go bother San Diego but I'd tell them how to deal with it too since I did an internship down there."  He beamed and walked off whistling.

Angel put his head down on the desk, putting both arms over it.  "Wesley," he said into the wood.  "Come here please?"

The guard leaned in.  "Did you want Wes, Angel?"  He nodded, pounding his head on the desk.  "I'll find him and have him sent in."  He called his boss, who forwarded that to the library.  Wesley came off the elevators a few minutes later.  "Harris gave him a requisition for the next threat, Wes."

"Wonderful."  He walked in, looking it over. "What's coming?"

"Fifty foot tall daytime demon," the guard told him.  Angel moaned.  "Xander said it liked to lick and, um, suck on buildings.  That it could be blown back into the ground or the hole destroyed so it'd go to San Diego instead."

"Hmm."  He walked the requisition off to look up the demon.  He came back an hour later with the copied notes, handing them and the requisition to Angel.  "We'll need it."

"Doesn't he have one?" Angel complained.

"In his personal stash but you know how the boy feels about his weapons, Angel," Wesley chastised.  "He'd pout for weeks if he had to use his personal collection for something as trivial as this."

Angel looked up.  "Can't we make him go away?  Cleveland?  Africa, anywhere?"

"No, we need him.  No on else has as much explosives and ballistics experience, plus time in with various police departments as he does," he chastised gently.  "It'll be horrible when we lose him."  Xander leaned in.  "Yes, you, dear."

"I'm almost graduated, why?"

"I was telling him we'd be struggling when we lost you to your real future," he said, smiling at his beaming grin.  "Oh."  He handed over the ball from his pocket.  "Bounced into the jars we keep in there, Xander.  Do be more careful."

"Sorry.  If I add electricity it 'splodes," he said proudly.  "I learned how in chem class."

"Wonderful," Wesley agreed.

"If I ask, would you go on vacation or something?" Angel demanded, looking at the young man.

"No.  I have class," Xander said, sounding like it should've been apparent.  "I can't take off until spring break and the convention for interns so I can find an internship and then later a job."

"Job?" Angel asked weakly.

"Yes, Angel, that's why I'm going to college," he said dryly.  "So I can get a job.  Support myself.  Retire from all this fun and games and play with guns all day?  Sounding familiar?"  Angel glared at him.  "If you try to send me away now, I'll be three credits short of graduation and I want to graduate.  I want to shove it back in the face of my former friends who dumped me here for only having one eye.  They didn't manage more than a year, even the really smart one.  I'm going to actually graduate near the top of my field, if not the college as a whole.  I had to work my ass off for my grades and I'm graduating this spring.  You can get rid of me then."

"When is she coming, Xander?" Wesley asked.

Xander shrugged.  "Not like I get a time code to visions, Wes.  All I know is that she'll be here, it'll be bright and sunny, and a lot of traffic is going to back up, plus an emergency won't get taken care of, which will endanger thousands of lives over the long run since it's a chemical spill."

"Okay.  Do we know when?"

"I suggest we get the rocket launcher and sit on her hole," he offered.  "Did the books say she came up during a particular time of year?"

"Not really.  When it's warm."

"It's always warm.  LA is next to hell."

"Point," Wesley admitted. "This one is next?"

"Or the one after.  For some reason I think it's the one after but I'm not sure."

"Thank you."

"Why can't we use yours?" Angel demanded.

"My toys, my babies, and I will smack you around and then paint you pink before shipping you off naked to Buffy in Cleveland," he said, staring him down.  "My babies."  He went back to his weekly inventory.

"Fine," he grumbled.

"When he leaves we'll loose his collection totally I'm afraid," Wesley said.  "Unless you wanted to buy some of it from him."  He walked off.  "I'll try to get a more precise time code for her to sprout," he promised as he walked.

"Thank you."  He thumped his head on the desk again, hoping silently that Xander went far, far away on his internship.  He didn't want to deal with him anymore.  It'd been four and a half years.

***

Xander looked at Wesley then at the cop who had grumbled but followed them out there.  "See, big demon head," he said dryly, pointing at the hair coming up through the huge hole in the ground.  "That's her, right, Wes?  Not one of the major worms?"

"They don't have hair that I know of and none have lavender hair, Xander."

"Okay, so aim at the nose?"  He flipped open the sight on his RPG missile launcher, sighting along her head.  "Hey, turn around!" he called.  The demon did it and he fired, blowing her head up.  The rest of her fell back into the hole.  He went to look down in there.  "Ewww.  Nasty green brains.  She won't regrow, right, Wes?"

"No, nor will she be detrimental to the ground water supply," he said, closing the book.  He smiled at the officer.  "Plant some trees or something.  It can only help the environment.  I'm partial to maples."

"I like birch and lighter trees, maybe a few pine trees since we don't get many evergreens naturally around here," Xander told him.  He shook his hand with a smile.  "You're welcome.   Now, remember, there's going to be a chemical spill later on today or tomorrow.  She would've kept you guys from answering.  Something about a cargo container on the Ventura?"  That got a single nod from the wary looking officer.  Xander slid on his sunglasses.  "Don't worry.  I'm actually studying to be one of you guys, one of the guys in the lab," he said proudly, putting the launcher over his shoulder and walking off with Wesley.

The cop walked over to look in the hole, calling his boss over the radio.  "Dispatch, put me through to Detective Greens please?"he asked calmly.  "Or have him call my cell.  This is Pretty."  He hung up, staring at the unmoving huge body and the green bits.  His cellphone rang.  "Sir, ran into someone....  How did you know?"  He smiled.  "Yeah, big, huge ugly body that had purple hair until they blew her head off.  He said we're going to have a chemical leak today on the Ventura, today or tomorrow.  A cargo container was what he said.  Yeah, Harris, how did you know?"  He smiled at the reassurance they all felt that way.  "The Brit guy....  Okay, him, said it wasn't going to contaminate anything and to plant trees.  He suggested maple, the Harris kid suggested pine or birch.  Did you know he's in a program to become a lab tech?"  He nodded.  "Yeah, exactly. Thank you.  Can I have today off?  I...want to go find God again."  He smiled.  "Thanks, boss."  He hung up and took his cruiser back to the station, going to find a good priest.  His had never said anything about things like that.  His boss even had a church for him to go to first.  He hugged him before walking off clutching the name and address.  No one in Sunday School had ever mentioned demons were huge and liked to blow the buildings for fun.

***

Xander woke up, holding his head.  "Ow," he whispered.  He made himself sit up, still holding his head.  "Where in the hell am I?"  He saw someone come to the door of his room and coughed. "Get in here?"  Someone peeked in, looking confused.  "Where am I?"

"Dude, how did you sneak in here?"

"I have no idea where here is, dude.  I'm from LA.  I'm used to the strange but really.  I went to bed last night perfectly sober and straight and woke up... here.  Which is where?"

"You're in Miami."

"Uh-huh."  He looked at himself, noticing his t-shirt had writing.  He patted himself down, finding his glasses so he could read it.  He didn't normally need it but his head was throbbing.  He frowned, taking it off to look at.  "What the hell?"

"That's my question," he said.  "Let me get the boss?"

"Please.  And check if someone filed a missing persons on me or something?"

"Name?"

"Harris.  Xander Harris.  Alexander if you want to be fully named and all that. From LA.  I'm in UCLA in the CSI program."

"Well, you're in a lab," he offered, walking off, closing the door behind him.  "Horatio!" he yelled as he walked.  "Problems!"  He came out of his office.  "You're going to want to talk to this one in person."  He came down the stairs from his office.  "Um, just got called into the storeroom by the guy who just woke up in there?  He said he's a CSI trainee from UCLA and he went to bed last night in LA, specified straight and sober.  He asked me to look for missing persons cases?"

"Please do.  Let me go talk to him."

"Sure, boss.  Better you than me.  His head's pounding like a tequila nightmare."  He walked off to do that for him.  This was getting really strange.

Horatio tapped then walked in.  "You are?"

Xander looked at him, handing him the shirt.  "I woke up with that on me.  I'm Xander Harris, out of the UCLA program."  He squinted a bit.  "I think I'm supposed to interview with you at the internship convention coming up," he admitted.  "I'm a ballistics tech in training."  He scooted around on the box, crossing his legs, going back to holding his head. "How did I get here?"

"I do not know.  You weren't in here earlier when someone came in to get something."  He read the shirt, then looked at him.  "Your idea of a joke?"

"I have many t-shirts with sayings.  One that says I'm yours isn't one of my collection.  I go for smartass and mentally distracting ones really."  He looked at him again.  "Please don't hold this against me unless somehow I did this?  I know my boss wanted me to go away a few times recently.  Speaking of which, is it Wednesday yet?  I've got a chem test then."

"It's actually Friday.  When did you go to sleep?"

"Um, Monday."  He looked at his wrists.  "No watch."  He patted himself down, finding it in his pocket with his wallet.  "Huh."  He looked at the diploma.  "How did that happen?"  He handed it over.  "This is either the best prank ever or something really bad's going to happen."

"Okay."  He looked it over, taking his ID as well.  "Well, Mr. Harris..."

"Xander, please.  We're in the same field even if I am a trainee.  You don't have to treat me like a civie."

"Military?"

Xander looked at him for a minute then shook his head.  "Not standard.  Ever hear of a lawfirm called Wolfram and Hart?"  He shuddered.  "I work for their LA branch since it was taken over by the city's paranormal defenders.  The last I knew, I helped blow up a huge demon, went home to a decent dinner cooked by Winifred, then went to bed after a cup of cocoa."  He looked miserable, he could tell by the look on the older man's face.  "I'm sorry you got dragged into the strange crap.  I know the guys in LA hate it when we do this to them."

"No, it's better to get this straightened out.  Come up to my office, Xander?"

"Okay."  He followed him, squinting at the light. "I thought LA was next to hell.  Apparently the sun's on this side of the US."

Horatio snickered. "It can be," he admitted, letting him into his office.  "Want to call your friends?"  Xander found his cellphone, waving it.  "Go ahead."

"Sure."  Xander pushed the button he needed.  "Wesley, why the fuck am I in another city?" he asked quietly.  "Sorry for swearing, Lieutenant, but this one deserves it."  He listened to him.  "Not funny, Wes.  I'm not a micro one."  He listened, then groaned, handing it over.  "Here, someone gave him a better explanation and you deserve the headache too."

He took the cellphone.  "Who am I speaking to?"  He listened.  "I've seen your agency in the past, Mr. Wyndham-Pryce.  I'm Lieutenant Horatio Caine, Miami-Dade Crime Lab."

"They fired him years ago," Xander said, waving a hand.  He went back to holding his head.  "He works with us now."

"Why did your friend wake up in our store room with a diploma he thinks he doesn't have yet?"  He blinked.  "He did?"

"I did not!" he said firmly.  "I did not make a wish.  I know I'm not missing that much time."  He stood up with a blonde woman walked in.  "You're Duquesne.  Xander Harris, out of the UCLA program," he said, shaking her hand.  "Sorry, a bit of strange stuff that somehow made me move from LA out here without waking me up."  He sat down again, watching Horatio listen to Wesley.  He winced at the incredulous look and then the angry look.  "Wes, this is my career, he's in the same field," he called.  The first guy walked in.  "Am I missing?"

"You were."  He handed it over to him.  "Know them?"

He looked.  "Yeah, two of my teachers," he admitted, handing it over to Horatio.  "Ask him how I got my diploma when I needed three credit hours and I wasn't due to graduate until this spring?"

"He wanted to know about graduation?"  He listened then nodded once.  "I think he meant college.  His mini-diploma was in his wallet, sir."  He nodded, sitting down to hold his head.  "Thank you.  Yes, we'll figure that out later."  He hung up, tossing the phone back.  "His explanation left a lot to be desired."

"Did it mention Powers, Oracles, or my teachers?"

"All three.  He'll fax the pertinent documents to us in a few moments.  What can I do for you, Calleigh?"

"I heard we had an intruder."  Xander raised his hand.  "How did you get in?"

"I have no clue," he said honestly.  "I have God's own headache after she gave birth to the world and I have no clue how I'm here instead of LA.  That's what we're trying to figure out.  Would you like to yell at my friends?"

"Maybe later."  She smiled at him.  "Relax, we're all good at what we do."

Xander nodded.  "I know I am.  I was second in my program until ...whatever happened."  He flicked a hand again.  "No offense but I didn't want to meet you this way.  I wanted to meet you at the internship convention like a normal person.  I was going to retire from the strange stuff."

"I understand," she promised. "I'll leave you guys alone to talk."  She walked out, taking the AV tech with her.  "Do a background on him," she said quietly.  He nodded, going to do that.  She went to tell the others what little they knew.

Xander looked at Horatio.  "I would've bowed at your feet at the convention to be her intern," he admitted quietly.  "I know this has blown it all to hell and back."

"Quite possibly," he admitted.  "He's faxing out your resume and transcripts too.  He's calling your teachers as well."

"Sure.  Maybe they know how I graduated when I had a chem test two days ago."  Horatio smiled.  "I really did not want this to happen."

"As long as it wasn't alcohol or drugs, Xander, they can't really hold it against you."

Xander snorted.  "I live in reality.  No department wants to deal with the strange crap and me retiring means I get to get a job in my actual fields."

"Double major?"

"Major, two minors," he admitted.  His head started to throb again, making him hold it.  "I want the little tinker in there to stop."  He winced as the vision started, grabbing onto the chair to give himself something to keep him centered.  It flashed and he came down, slowly panting through the pain until he could grab a pen and some of the paper on the desk, writing it out before he lost it.  "No wonder I got sent."  He looked at him, letting him have the notes.  "That's the strange crap in my life.  You'll need a sword," he said quietly, going back to holding his head.

"Tylenol?"

"I speak from five years' experience.  Not even morphine will help, thank you anyway."  He gave him a weak smile.  "Now I know why Cordy kept trying to rip her own head off when she had these."  He went back to holding onto his forehead until the after-pains stopped and he quit feeling dizzy.  The guy from earlier came in, handing Horatio something.  He squinted at him.  "Transcripts, Wesley's babbling information in Watcher speak, or a background check?"

"Background check," he admitted.  "You really are a ballistics tech?"

"With a minor in trace and a minor in field work," he admitted dryly.  "This just ruined most of my working chances and there's a higher power somewhere who's going to be hearing from me soon."  That got a snicker as the guy walked out.  "Before you ask, yes I can get to them.  They hate me but I can find them again."

Horatio looked at him then at the background check.  "Interesting."  Xander reached over to take it, snorting, shaking his head.  "Not you?"

"Buffy.  Not me."  He waved a hand at the computer, getting a nod.  Xander came over to open a few windows, pulling up his own resume, skills sheets, transcripts, and evaluations.  "I put them all on a website but I had a packet made up for the convention.  This way they could refer back to it if they needed to.  It's pretty simple but it lists everything.  Basically, I got bored one night and Fred was being helpful and nosy at the same time.  Before you ask, yes, I did have tutors.  I don't do well in lecture classes.  Hands-on is my thing."  He got into another screen, pulling something else up.  "This is a classified file.  It was recently updated by a hacker I know with my known proficiencies as far as *she* knew.  Which isn't saying much, but it links to my other one and I can't remember the page the demons use for my profile."  He got into that one.  "That's my real profile for what I've been doing."  He went back to his chair.  "They didn't discount me like some did."

Horatio looked it all over, then finally looked at him.  "You've had a lot of combat experience, Xander."  He nodded at that, looking calm.  "You wanted to go into the field?"

"No, I wanted to be a ballistics tech who could fill in now and then," he said honestly.  "Now and then you need a guy like me in the field and since I can handle cases that most departments don't want to admit to having I thought it'd be a good cover and a good way to get employed after I legitimately graduated.  My minor in trace was my first idea and I do love doing the work, though I do need more experience in there.  My teachers have been a lot of theoretical people.  I've done all the time I could but I know there's things I still need to learn.  Ballistics is like my bitch," he said honestly.  "I eat, sleep, and live ballistics back at Wolfram and Hart and here.  My personal collection are my babies."  That got a smile.  "Someday I wanted to be a tech in a small department raising a dog or two."

"This hasn't totally blown it, Xander.  Trust me."

Xander gave him a look.  "Again, Lieutenant, even if you don't tell anyone this'll leak out and no department wants a guy who deals with this stuff openly.  I've scared more than my fair share of LAPD guys even though their labs would beg to have me.  San Diego too.  I'm realistic, not idealistic anymore."

Horatio looked at him. "What do you think happened?"

"My teacher put out a special call for those with gifts," he said quietly.  "She was saying Orlando needed a person who had the profiling, vision, and other skills I had to work within the system and the lab to help them with their recent surges of oddness.  I'm not sure if anyone else got called to talk about it, but I did.  I pointed out I don't have spot visions.  I have macro level visions.  If I see it, something's going to try to take over or end the world.  Or at least a city."  That got a nod.  "The Powers, those people over those of us who fight the way I used to, don't like me.  I've screwed their plans many times by surviving, winning, and going on.  I've screwed so many prophecies I'm now listed as a hazard to some of them."

"I saw that on the one site," he admitted, smiling a bit.  "I can't see that as a bad thing."

"It is when they're playing a giant chess game with humanity," he said bluntly.  "I'm the power behind one of the groups and the former power behind another group until they dumped me for being injured," he admitted.  "I've screwed their moves all to hell a few times."

"Which does upset the plans they had.  Would it upset the natural order?"

"I've helped keep the natural order," he said quietly.  "I've been fighting the bad things since tenth grade, Lieutenant.  If it's tried to take over the west coast, I was probably there, all but twice I think."  That got a small smile.  "They were going to use it to promote a stronger line in the future.  Instead I kept the old line in power and kept them winning.  They literally hate me with everything in themselves.  If I have a kid, it's going to go to them by their decision.  It'll be the one to topple the old order probably but it'll go to them.  They've screwed up things, they've sent things to attack us during important events, like finals.  And I still kept going," he said with a small, bitter sounding laugh.  "Now they do this to screw up my future since I did it to theirs."  He looked up.  "I'm so going to get rid of you guys," he hissed.  He looked at him again.  "Sorry, ongoing vendetta.  I didn't mean to lay that on you."

"No, it sounded like you needed to get that out."

"Yeah, but a former prospective boss isn't the person to do that to.  That's what journals are for."

"Sometimes a real person helps.  A priest?"

"They don't particularly like us.  We kinda upset their view of the world.   Our kind don't want to, usually, take over the world.  They just want their own spot in it.  The Watchers Council and the Catholic Church have had a long lover's quarrel.  Since about .... 380 CE or so."  That got a nod.  "The Masons like us from what I'm told.  Otherwise."  He shrugged.  "We do what we do because we have to."  He stood up.  "I have money, can I go get a soda?  I'm babbling and that's a sign of needing caffeine."

"It's downstairs.  I'll walk you so no one starts to ask the odd questions."  He stood up, walking him down there.  "You were going to apply with us?"  Xander nodded.  "Second in UCLA's program is very good, Xander.  It's a tough program.  Tougher than our local one."  Xander gave him a gentle smile.  "Even with a tutor now and then that's a good accomplishment."

"Yeah, and now I'm going to find something else to do," he said dryly.  He put money into the machine and it spit it out.  He sighed and used the side of the machine to iron it out.  It didn't work then either.  He found some coins and got it that way instead, walking back with him.  "I'm still waiting on Wes's explanation."

"As I am.  I'm looking forward to it actually," he admitted.  He walked him past the front desk.  "Is there a fax from LA?"  It was handed over.  "Thank you."  He walked off reading it.  He smiled at the cover page and the praise it had for Xander's working with them.  He handed that over and Xander crumpled it.  "It was a good thing."

"If they helped I'm going to go off on them like I did the friends who dumped me," he said quietly.

"How did they dump you?"  He looked at him.  "By the way, I did see about your injury."

"Yup, that's why they dumped me," Xander said bitterly.  "They decided I was helpless, left me in LA when they went to Cleveland.  I proved myself worthy in LA and it only took them four and a half years to quit appreciating me there.  It took about three in Sunnydale.  I shouldn't be surprised."  He felt like crying; his whole future had just been tanked by one imperious decision by the Powers.  They were so getting it when he found the Oracles again.  They walked back into the office, finding someone in there. He nodded at him, sitting down.  "Anything decent that won't make you swear?"

"I try hard not to do that in public."

"So do I but it's one of those days, ya know?"  He took another sip, putting the can down next to him.  He looked at the new, scowling person.  "You are?" he asked calmly, holding out a hand.  "Xander Harris."

"Xander, that's our Chief of Police," Horatio said.  "Sir, we're working on how he got in here.  He's a CSI intern and we think his friends had something to do with it."

"I can see the t-shirt."

Xander took it off and turned it inside out before putting it back on.  "I woke up in it," he said dryly.  "I'm going to give the LAPD a few new cases when I get back there for this."

"Are you sure you want to do that?"  He leaned on the front of the desk.  "I saw what Horatio had pulled up on you."  Horatio looked at him.  "I'm well aware of Orlando's problem, Horatio."  He looked at Xander again.  "You know that life," he said quietly.

"I was kinda hoping to retire from it when I graduated," he admitted.  He looked at him. "I know a good bit, but not everything about it.  Even I need research time now and then, sir.  Right now, I'm swearing at a few higher beings."

He nodded.  "I think that's pretty reasonable."  He tapped the paper.  "When?"

"The leaves were really crisp, like new leaves in spring crisp if that makes sense.  Other than that I don't get a time code usually.  I look at my watch and it was about six at night.  The one I have in my visions is my old one, no date function."

"Can you change that?"

"I've been trying since I got the first one," he said honestly.  "It's very hard when you're somewhere that only has one season."

"Well, we have two.  Hurricane and summer."  Xander cracked a small smile at that.  "You're an intern?"

"That depends on how I got the mini-diploma," he told him.  "The last time I knew I had three credits left and then I'm an intern candidate."

"Hmm.  Horatio?"

He went back to looking over the papers.  "It says here they gave examples of his work out- of-school to get him those credit hours," he said, looking at Xander.  "Chemistry, Geography, and History?"

"Work in the lab, not a clue, and research stuff?  Maybe?" he said, shrugging a bit.  "Not a clue.  The last I knew it was a Monday."  He looked at the Chief.  "I'm a realistic person, sir.  The best I can hope for is that Horatio doesn't hold this against me when I interview.  Even subconsciously though he's got to know that this stuff will happen and I'll end up having bad things around me.  Especially if I date."

"I saw that mention too," Horatio said, looking at him.  "Serial killer?"

"Sixteen bodies. All looking like my former friends who're in Cleveland.  Can't wait until the next one starts on the people I knew in LA."

"Ah."  He went back to reading, finally handing it over to Xander.  "Summarize that please."  He looked at his boss.  "I don't know how we're going to handle this, sir."

"The convention for interns is when?" he asked.

"Two weeks," Xander told him.  "Unless I'm skipping weeks?"  Horatio shook his head.  "All I'd ask is that he not tell anyone about this mess, sir."

"Do you want to work in Miami, son?"

Xander looked at him.  "Yeah but with how many people know how I got here it's going to freak a lot of people out, sir.  I'd hate to give the department mental problems or make them not want to work with me."

"I think that's reasonable.  You're willing to go to the convention, interview normally?"

"Of course.  I plan on it," he promised.  He gave him a small grin.  "I'm hoping like hell this hasn't totally ruined my future.  Not like I'm asking for much.  Being able to play with guns every day, have a dog, maybe not taint a woman or maybe find a nice boyfriend someday instead.  Not that big of an order on the cosmic scale."  He went back to reading, frowning at it.  "Could he have put this any drier," he complained, grabbing a pen and the notepad to take notes, marking a line under the vision.  He finally handed it over to them.  "Here.  Basically the Powers sent me because they decided Miami's going to be the next hot spot of activity and there's not a fireman in sight who can put it out."  That got a nod.  "So they sent me down here to stop the big events, let the Overlord handle the small ones, and to get me away from LA before I ended up in one of the epic battles with Angel which could kill us all."

"All right," Horatio agreed.  "To do that they did what?"

"Apparently teleported my sleeping body into your storeroom.  Wes mentioned that they might have set up somewhere for me to live.  Not sure yet.  Which means I'd have to figure out how to work an internship and live down here to handle things.  Maybe I'll go biochem instead.  It pays well even if it is boring crap."

"Xander, we'll let you interview like a normal tech," Horatio promised.

Xander looked at him.  "Can you honestly say this won't cloud how you judge me?" he asked quietly.

"No but seeing your qualifications I have to believe there's a reason."

Xander smiled.  "Thank you for the compliment, Horatio."  He stood up.  "I need to go find where Wesley stuck me so I can make sure my collections came with me."

"Collections?" the Chief asked.

Xander smiled.  "My guns are my babies, sir, that's why I'm a ballistics tech in training."  That got a smile and a nod.  "With your leave, Lieutenant?  I'll call later to let you know where I am so you can ask more questions when we have them."  That got a nod and Horatio handed over his card.  "Thank you.  Sir."  He nodded, shaking his hand.  "I'm sorry this stuff had to infect you."  He walked off, taking the forms and his soda with him.  He ran into Calleigh again.  "Don't worry.  We're getting it straightened out."

"What happened?"

"My friends and their bosses decided I needed to be here to help you guys with stuff instead of being in LA helping them with stuff," he said.  "As for how I got into the building?  Not a clue yet."  She nodded.  "I'm going to see if they set me up somewhere or not.  Thank you for being kind earlier."  He walked off, heading outside to call him.  "Wesley," he said calmly.  Wesley let out a verbal flinch at that.  "Where am I heading?"  He nodded.  "Might be a good idea, yes," he said dryly.  "Now.  Then we'll talk."  He hung up, going over to flag down the cab that had let someone off.  He got in.  "I was told to go to 112 Hacienda?"  That got an odd look.  "I don't know, dude.  I'm new in town.  That's where I was told to go."  That got a nod and the cabbie drove him down to a fairly scummy part of town.  He paid the fare and got out, looking at the building.  It wasn't huge but it was an apartment building.  He walked inside, knocking the door that said manager.  "I'm Xander Harris, I was told to come here?  That someone had rented me an apartment?"  He grunted, handing over some keys.  "Okay, how much am I paying a month in rent?  He didn't give me any details."

"Prepaid all year, kid.  You're in 2b.  Upstairs on the left."  That got a nod.  "Don't play your music too loud.  Don't do anything that'll get us noticed by the cops.  I hate repairing things when they kick in doors."

"I'm a CSI trainee," he said with a small grin.  "It'd be friends if they do come over."  That got a nod.  "Did they send my stuff?"  He nodded.  "Okay, thank you.  Have a good day.  Let me know if I'm annoying please."  He walked off frowning, going up to his apartment.  His clothes were there.  A good selection of books were there.  More notes were there in Fred's handwriting this time.  Babbling but he could understand that.  He looked around then called back.  "Wesley, where's my babies?" he asked coolly.  "Now, Wesley.  If I have to come out there and get them, Angel won't have to worry about the last huge battle for the world.  Yes, I'm entirely serious, Wes.  Think about it and then compare how I got to LA," he said dryly.  "Now, where's the rest of my shit."  He hung up and paced, looking in the kitchen.  Plenty of frozen stuff.  His bedroom had sheets that smelled clean.  He heard a few thumps and went to look, finding a few new boxes.  "And the rest too," he called quietly.  "They've got a monster coming too, Wes, dear.  I can hide the other stuff."  A magic book landed and he groaned, going to set up things for his storage area back in LA.  He had been studying magic with Fred for a while.  Not that Wes knew....  Oh well.

***

Horatio knocked that night, looking at the well furnished apartment.  He walked in, looking around.  "Bad furniture?" he asked, pointing at the tarp.

"Things  you probably shouldn't see," he admitted.  "Welcome to my temporary home.  Don't worry about the furniture, it's mine.  It was leftover from Sunnydale."  He heard something thump in the bedroom and went to look, frowning at the briefcase.  He opened it, groaning a bit.  "Fine.  Thank you.  Where's the rest?"  Another one thumped down.  "And this is for?" he called. A  note floated down.  "You took my kids?"  He looked up.  "Not a chance you needed it, Wesley."  Another one dropped and this time with a bigger padded case.  "Thank you.  I hate being mean."  He looked inside, shoving that one under the bed.  The two briefcases got put onto the dresser and he walked out.  "Sorry, getting the rest of my babies from LA is proving a bit difficult.  I'll have to head back there and take them back most likely."

Horatio sat down, looking at him.  "Anything new?"  He got handed the other notes.  "This one's a lot less dry."

"Fred babbles like I do," he admitted, smiling a bit.  "I have some milk and soda, want some?"

"No thank you."

"Okay.  I'm going to go arrange things while you read."  He went back to it, walking through the small portal he had put up, carrying out his other things.  Angel was in for a very rude shock in the morning.  A few floating spells and he was done.  He looked around the warehouse then grinned, skipping out to turn in his keys.  They gave him the rest of his deposit back and he carried it back through, letting everything else drop.  He flopped onto the bed, groaning a bit.  "I hate magic."  He waved when Horatio looked in.  "Getting into my warehouse in LA."  He relaxed again, yawning.  "I had to stretch some boundaries today, sorry."

"Don't be.  It's probably better you're away from your friends if they don't want you around."  He looked at a case.  "That's an Israeli RPG, Xander."

"I know that.  It comes in handy now and then."  He gave him a long look then a blink.  "It's kinda been necessary now and then in the life.  It handles a lot of bigger things that claim they can't be destroyed by any weapon man made.  It's also easier to store one for future use than it is to go steal another one from a military base."

"I see."  He came in to look at the other boxes.  A few more cases of RPG missiles.  Another launcher.  A few ballistics carrying cases.  He opened one without asking, gaping at the contents.  "Xander?"

"Mine, my babies; yes, I'll keep them stored very well so no one takes them.  No, no one else will know I have them unless I need to use one to save everyone in the city or the landmass.  No, I'm not selling them."  A bag landed on his stomach, letting him sniff.  "Winifred," he said, smiling.  "I'll miss her.  She wasn't in on this problem.  Tacos?"

"Um, no thanks you."  He closed that case.  "How many guns do you have?"  Xander pointed at the binder on the dresser, letting him open it to look through.  It was a detailed list, including serial number, condition, and maker/caliber/model names.  He looked at him.  "The artillery?"

"The green one," he admitted.  "Half of it's at Wolfram and Hart still.  It'll be here later and I'll work on hiding it."

"Thank you."  He looked that one over, blinking at some things.  "You're a very dangerous man, Xander."

"Only when the world's going to bend over and take it," he offered, getting a small smile.  "Yes, I'm blunt.  Sometimes I'm funny or sarcastic, sometimes cynical, but I'm usually blunt.  You sure you don't want a taco?"

"I've had dinner.  Thank you anyway."  He sat down across from him on the bed.  "That's a check for?"

"The remaining time on my old storage space."  He let him see it.  "I'll start an account and it'll go in there."

"That's fine.  It's a normal thing to have happen when you move."

"I've only moved once and it was after the town got sucked into a portal to hell.  I got most of my stuff out but it was sitting in storage."  A duffle bag fell.  "Swords," he said before Horatio could ask.  His bouncy ball appeared and he caught it on the second try.  "Sorry.  Ever going ball that'll explode if I add a charge to it."

Horatio took it to look over.  "Interesting.  How big?"

"About Central Park size," he admitted. "I tested a smaller one in the desert.  It was a pretty explosion."

"I'm sure it was."  He carefully put it down so it wouldn't start again.  He looked at him.  "The convention?"

"I'll be there."

"Thank you."  He smiled.  "We'll see what happens then, Xander.  I did pass on your qualifications when I talked to Calleigh earlier.  She makes the primary intern decisions and I did tell her it was your friends who had done that to you."  That got a smile.  "I did not tell her more than you had a combat history due to a bad hometown."  Xander nodded, still smiling.  "I did tell her you liked guns and called your collection your babies."

"She'll understand.  A lot of us are like this," he admitted, giving him a smile.  "Thank you for trying to understand, Horatio."

"It's not a problem, Xander."  Another duffel bag clanged down.  "More swords?"  Xander nodded.  "How many do you need?"

"As many as it takes," he said dryly.  "Those are probably the spares and the practice blades anyway.  You can fit four-to-six in each bag so mine, my axe, a few others."  He took a bite.  "Sorry, starved with the energy output."

"Don't apologize for that.  You've been hard at work...however you did it."  He stood up.  "I will talk to you at the convention."

"I figured out something about that vision.  It's a sooner instead of later.  That day, look for the barometer to act really funny.  It'll say it's going to rain but it'll be a clear sky.  The weather guy might tip you off that morning.  If so, come borrow a sword."  That got a smile and a nod, letting Horatio leave.  Xander finished the taco.  He had a lot of work moving and hiding the artillery.  He'd need a new hidden area down here sometime soon.  This was only one storage area.  He still had the other.  That one he had promised to get everything out of by the end of the weekend.  He ate another taco while he worked on the illusion.  It would be good enough.  He even remembered to block off the unnecessary window, saving him some sun exposure. The window itself was blocked with cardboard so no one could see any markings on the cases.  It made a good spare wall.

***

Xander smiled at Calleigh when he ran into her at the convention.  "Should I even hope for an interview?"

"You're on my list," she told him.  "You mailed in an application so I'm going to interview you."

He grinned.  "Whenever you have time then please," he agreed.

"What's your next topic?"

"Dressing for Success.  I'll tell you now, I have a bad habit of owning sayings t-shirts.  Not slogans but sayings."  He opened up his suit coat and dress shirt to show the one he was presently wearing, making her giggle.  He rebuttoned it.  "I'm like that most of the time.  The day you saw me was a very bad day."

She looked him over.  "You clearly know how to put on a suit so let's talk now."  He nodded, following her, handing her a packet of information.  "Hmm, transcripts."

"Evals from all my internships, the people at the LAPD I temped in for a few times, and past job evals where I could get them."

"Wow."  She sat down on a bench with him, looking it over.  "It doesn't mention your combat history?"

He shook his head. "My combat history is why I got sent to Miami," he said quietly, glancing around.  "It's not regular military."

"I figured that out," she admitted dryly, giving him a look.  "Which means you know something about my hometown of New Orleans."

"I'm from Sunnydale."  She went pale.  "I fought with our little blonde slayer girl.  Yeah.  Then she dumped me and I worked with the crew in LA."

"Oh, dear.  No wonder you don't claim it."

"Personally, I'd like to retire from it someday soon," he said, sounding a bit wistful.  "I'd love to retire from it.  Just ignore it like the normal people do."

She patted him on the hand.  "I can understand that.  How long?"

"Tenth grade."  She shuddered.  "Yeah, I've done everything for the world but die.  Sorry."

"No, I think that's a good thing, Xander.  You show a lot of promise as a ballistics tech."

"But you can't stand the strange stuff."

"Well, no.  Orlando could."

"Orlando's got their eye on a female tech out of New Jersey."  She grimaced.  "See, I knew the Powers were going to pay me back some day for saving the world.  No good deed goes unpunished and all that."  He sighed.  "I hope you find someone you can work with.  If you need a temp or a fill-in, let me know, okay?"  She nodded, watching him walk off.  He went to the lecture a bit late, sliding into a back row seat, wondering why he was even trying.  The Powers wanted him in Miami.  Miami didn't want him.  The lecturer asked him something.  "What?  I was thinking."

"What brand suit is that?"

He looked at the label then shrugged.  "Whatever my ex girlfriend bought me before she died."  He looked horrified.  "Sorry, life can be like that for some of us.  I think I'll skip the rest of this one since I do know how to tie a tie."  He got up and walked out, dropping his stuff upstairs and heading out into the city.  He had no idea why they were in Cleveland but it sucked badly.   He walked into the shop, sneering at Willow.  "So, how does it feel to be behind me educationally?" he asked her, getting a gasp.  "Because hey, I graduated.  Officially even."  He turned and walked out, feeling a bit better but still pretty miserable.  He went to a park, going for a walk, running into the hellmouth there.  He frowned at it, putting a hand over it.  He was even nice enough to call there.  "You guys know the hellmouth's cracked open, right?  That you can see a tentacle waving around?"

He hung up and patted the tentacle.  "I don't need slimed today.  Dry cleaning is expensive, kraken buddy."  The tentacle shuddered and he walked off.  He could hear Buffy complaining.  He took a long walk, thinking about what he could do.  He could go back to construction.  He could go to work for any number of chemical companies around Miami.  He could do alarm systems.  He could sit home and play with his guns all day if he had to.  He'd find something to do but nothing was going to compare to being a gun tech since that's who he was in his heart.  "Well, maybe their tech will bottom out or something," he muttered to himself.  "Then I can be a temp at least.  Get some of my internship hours in."  He went to get an ice cream cone then headed back to the hotel, running into Horatio.  "Hey."  He took a lick.  "It's a pretty hotel."

Horatio looked at him.  "What's happened?"

"Nothing much.  This is Cleveland.  I went to brag about graduating.  Didn't make me feel better but the look on her face was kinda sweet after being told I was worthless."  He took another long lick.  "I'm going to go up to my room.  I'll see you at the stuff later, Lieutenant."  He walked off, going up to sulk to the cartoon channel.  Maybe he'd clean the gun he had brought with him.  It always calmed him down.

Horatio found Calleigh talking to an intern, hovering close by until she was done with her.  "Any luck?"

"I wouldn't care to work with the boy, Horatio, but he's got some personal issues he needs to work out."

"He's been abandoned by two sets of friends now, Calleigh," he said quietly.

"The strange stuff is still going to get to me, Horatio," she nearly hissed.

He nodded.  "Unfortunately it looks like we may need it.  Could you work with him when he's not doing that?"

"Maybe.  I'd have to actually work with him to see that."

"Can we give the top three choices a test weekend?" he suggested.

She considered it.  "I could do that if they'd be willing.  I suggested Orlando but he said they've already all-but announced their choice."

"Placements are limited this year," he agreed.  He looked around.  "Who is that?"  He pointed at the redhead stomping in.  "I don't recognize her."

"Oh, I do."  She stopped her.  "You leave that boy alone, Miss Rosenburg."  She gave her a stunned look.  "I mean it.  He doesn't need you this weekend.  He's had a crappy month."  She let her go.  "Now shoo.  This is for forensics intern candidates and prospective labs."

"Then why is he here?" she demanded.

"Xander is a ballistics tech," Horatio told her.  "One of the top candidates in the country."  She shook her head. He nodded.  "Yes, he is, and if your friends hadn't played such a mean trick on him, he'd have a few very good job offers."

"Xander can't play with guns all day."

"He can and does," Horatio told her.  "He did for someone he called Wolfram and Hart?  Out in LA."  She gave him a horrified look.  "Now, you're not part of this convention.  He does not need your stress.  Please leave."

A security guard came over.  "Problems, sir?"

Horatio flashed his lab ID.  "She's not part of the convention but she's looking to upset one of the intern candidates.  We don't need them that stressed out this weekend."

"That's fine.  Ma'am, if you'll please go?  Before we escort you out?"  She stomped off in a huff.  "Thank you, sir."

"Not an issue," he agreed.  He looked at her.  "That was telling," he noted.

"It was.  I wanted to protect the boy."  She frowned.  "I don't know, Horatio."

"Give him a weekend trial, Calleigh.  Go talk to him about the job not the other things.  Look at him solely on that basis.  Even if he does have to do things in Miami we probably won't be involved the same way."

"If you're sure."  She checked her schedule.  She had a few free hours planned for some shopping so she went up to talk to him.  She found his room number from the front desk and headed up in the elevator, mentally preparing herself.  He answered the door with his gun in hand, stripped down to his pants and t-shirt.  "Not going to use that, right?"

"Cleaning it.  It's soothing."  He let her inside, sitting on the bed again, going back to his cleaning.  "What's up?  Need help?"

"Willow was just here."  He stiffened, looking at her.  "I did some checking when I heard your name and the field that was related," she admitted.

"I'm sorry.  Did she turn you into something too?"

"What caused the split?"

"I didn't go to college with them?  Kissing her back in high school when she panicked about moving on?  Special girl syndrome?  Now and then she does care but she's back on her special girl kick.  In the next year or so it'll be fixed and I'll get apology cookies until I talk to her again.  Why?"  He went back to his swabbing the barrel, then put the cleaning cloth and rod away, putting his gun back together.  "Wanna check it?"

"No, it looks like you did it right," she said.  "Put it away?"  He dropped it on top of his jacket.  "I meant in the bag."

"Too far to reach."  He looked at her.  "I'm not suicidal.  Quit stressing.  You'll get wrinkles."

She snorted.  "I've already got some of those from the sun, dear."  He smirked at that.  "Okay, you want to be a ballistics tech.  Horatio wants to give my top three choices a weekend trial."  He nodded at that.  "Can you do that?"

"I got stationed in Miami."  He wrote down his address, handing it over.  "Tell me when you need me."

"No special requirements?"

"I lost the eye before I trained, Detective. I trained myself to do the job without it.  The only things I need are my glasses for close detail work and my lab coats, which are still packed.  If you ask anyone who wrote an eval for me, they'll tell you the same thing.  So will most of the other people I worked with while I was wherever.  I pull my own weight.  The only time I haven't I had a fever of 103 and I apologized later for messing up on pulling a fingerprint."

"I looked at the evaluations.  They all said they wanted you back.  Why Miami?"

"Two reasons.  One, I got stationed there.  You can't just walk away from something like that, even if you do want to retire with every bone in your body.  Or at least I can't walk away when every person on the planet could be killed if I don't do something.  The other?  If they've seen me working in the *other* field, they're going to freak out seeing me be one of them.  Back in LA we had this one precinct we worked with most of the time.  We freaked out one, the rumors spread but they tried to keep it in-house.  So we kept going back to them.  The last time I needed artillery.  The guy who was with us went to find a priest."  She nodded at that.  "Out of all the officers in that precinct, someone in our group sent them all to a priest.  I was the gear guy out there, I was in Sunnydale, Calleigh.  I can't stand to be in the field and have the officers who're supposed to protect me shy away from me because I had to save them from something.  It'll create dissent and make working harder.  Then I'd end up quitting and that's not good for the department either."

"True, but it could get you through the internship."

He shook his head.  "Then what?  The last one I killed has made the rumor rounds to Vegas, DC, and New York.  The guy in New York asked me bluntly about it and I told him very bluntly what I had been doing.  He nodded and said he remembered when they had that problem.  I said I wanted to retire and he told me that's not something you can retire from.  I pointed out I'm a very old veteran and all I wanted was to do my real, true field and that I'd handle it quietly if it came up.  He said he'd think about it."

She grimaced but nodded.  "That's about how we feel too.  I hadn't heard that one at least."

"Your AV tech did.  I got an email from him asking about it."

"Oh.  Well, he is a big gossip hog," she admitted.  She looked at him, reaching over to take his hand.  "There's always small labs, Xander."

He gave her a look, pulling away.  "I'm the fifth rated intern in the US right now," he said dryly.  "If they see me going to a lesser lab, they're all going to know there was a problem with me.  Then I don't have a future job."  She nodded that he was right.  "So my choices are not work now or not work later.  Great choices.  Thank the Powers That Be."

"I'm still going to give you the weekend trial."

"Why?"  She gave him a confused look.  "You just told me you couldn't work with me because of the strange stuff, Calleigh.  Why?  To compare me with the others?  Use me as a measuring stick?  Would it come back and help me if your intern failed?"

"I don't think like that, Xander."

"And I'm still realistic.  A quarter of all the interns in this hotel this weekend are going to bottom out of their internships within six months.  Drinking, failed drug tests, mismarking evidence, general screwing up to the point where it endangered cases or lives.  A few'll snap mentally.  A few'll decide the job's too hard for them.  If that happens and I do good that weekend, would you actually consider me?"

She stared at him.  "I would."

"You're sure?  Even if you had to see me solving another problem?  Because Miami's got one coming up Tuesday I think."

"I'm not like that."

"Then I'd like to come for that weekend."  She stared at him.  "I don't want it for pity.  I don't want to be the barometer for everyone else.  I want to be judged for who I am and what I can do in the lab and in the field.  That's all I ever wanted.  That's why I was planning on retiring."  She nodded.  "If you can do that then I'd love to come be tested."

"Then I'll send you a notice," she said, standing up.  She ruffled his hair.  "You need a trim."

"This is trimmed."

"It's messy," she said with a small smile.

"So am I now and then.  I'm a guy.  I'm told we're all like that."  She snorted.  "The only clean thing about me is really my weapons.  I do them every week."  She smiled at that, letting him walk her out.  He came back to lay down on the bed.  He was miserable now.  It was a pity offer.  It was nice of her boss to make her offer it to him but it was still a pity offer.  "Maybe I should go to San Diego.  They wanted me back."  He got up, putting back on the shirt and suit jacket, heading downstairs to talk to them.  He'd deal with the Miami problems somehow or the Powers could have him replaced.  He ran into the manager.  "Is there a problem?  Was I too loud?"

"No.  You are Mr.  Harris?"  He nodded, showing off his convention ID.  "There's a young woman pestering the desk to see you.  Would you so she can be sent away?"

"If I must."  He walked that way, nodding at her.  "What?"

"You didn't graduate yet."  He pulled out his mini-diploma, shielding the number from her.  "How?"

"I ended up on an emergency trip to Miami so my last three credit hours I got credit for work outside the school."  He put it back, looking at her.  "So yeah, I have graduated.  I'm here working on my future, Willow."

"You're injured.  Do they know that?"

"Some of the people here trained me to work with it instead of paying attention to it.  Besides, I had compensated for it by the time I took my first field class.  Hunting does that now and then."

"You did not."

"Ask Angel and them."

"I can't.  They're busy."

"I heard they've got a bad situation coming up.  I'm hoping Connor and them can help at the very least."  She gaped.  "Anything else?  I need to talk to one of my mentors about a clothing issue."  She scowled.  "I don't care, Willow.  Not anymore.  Not even if you apologize."  He walked off, heading to find his mentor.  He found him interviewing and went to get him a mug of tea, bringing it back about the same time she disappeared.  He handed it over.  "With milk, like you liked."

"Thanks, kid."  He looked at him.  "I heard they had to prove you out early."

"I got sent to Miami because of the strange stuff issues.  Miami didn't have anyone," he said quietly, sitting next to him.  "Were you guys serious?"

"Won't they need you?"

"I won't have a job down there.  The people who sent me knocked me out and stuffed me in their storage room.  That's how they met me."  He shuddered.  "Exactly."  He looked at him.  "Were you guys serious?"

"We were but you know you'll have problems."

"That's what's keeping me out of LA," he admitted, glancing around then back at him.  "If I could get through a year I could go find a lab in the middle of nowhere and raise dogs.  As long as I could play with guns all day."  He got a pat on the back.  "It sucks."

"It does but you're strong."

He looked at him.  "Am I?"

"You made it through CSI training and the mini-academy classes without an eye.  You're stronger than a lot of the people in here."

"Doesn't mean I wouldn't like to retire."

"Good point.  What about New York?"

"Heard about my last hunt in LA?"

"Yeah."

"So did they," Xander said bitterly.  "I got reminded this isn't something one can retire from."  He glanced around then back at him.  "Keep me in mind?"

"I'll tell the boss you're thinking about coming back our way if you can't get on down there."  That got a smile.  "You could take a year off."

"Next year there'll be more candidates who're fresh out of school."

"The rumors could've died down."

"Only if I don't have to hunt down there."

"Point.  You'll figure it out, kid, but I'll tell the boss."

"Thanks, Griffy.  Don't say anything to the Miami guys, okay?"

"I won't.  I told them what a good kid you were and how good you were going to become.  That's all they should need to hear from me."  Xander gave him a smile and walked off, heading to get some more ice cream.  He groaned, taking another drink of his tea.  He did go to find the guy from New York to talk to him.  "You didn't like Xander?"

"I did like Xander.  A lot.  I didn't like his past combat history," he admitted.

"None of us do but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do," he reminded him.

"I did many times in the Corps," he agreed.  "Why?"

"Because of him having to do those things or die, everyone's a lot like you today."

"I'm sorry for the kid."

"It's not his fault."

"No, it's not.  It's the fault of the people who made him go do that."

"Since tenth grade.  He was doing pretty good planning on retiring unless it happened in front of him too."

"Are whoever going to let him?"

"If he can get out of Miami, possibly.  They stationed him there.  Reupped his commission you might say."

"Without his permission?"

"The way I heard it, he woke up in the lab in Miami's storeroom because of that stuff."

"Poor Horatio.  Must've driven him nuts."

"No, his weapons collection will," Griffy admitted.  Mac Taylor looked a bit amused.  "He's a gun and artillery tech, Taylor.  You didn't think he hated them, did you?  He's a guy who cleans his whole collection every week.  Calls them his babies.  He hates having to use them.  Said it makes them hurt one night when I watched him get a bit morose and stupid."

Mac nodded.  "I've got him on my maybe list but if he wants to retire New York isn't the area.  We still have a good bit of problems."

"Yeah, well, LA is about to have a major one from the warnings I got from their PD.   All he wants is someone to judge him on what he can do."

Mac looked at him.  "How is he disabled?"

Griffy smirked.  "Lost an eye years ago.  Trained fully without it.  A year or so before he began school.   You know how he was trained."

"So it wouldn't bother him in the field."

"I couldn't tell the difference when he told me at the end of the first day.  Hell, that first day I thought he worked more like a post-grad intern.  He pulled his own weight every single time."

"He's on my maybe list."

"That's all he wanted."

"I know."

"With him being so highly ranked, they're going to be watching him."

"He is?"

"Fourth or fifth intern, yeah."

"Crap.  If he goes somewhere like Minnesota and their smaller labs he'll never find a job later on."

"Exactly.  Those labs are great but they have lower case levels, they don't need someone of Xander's qualities.  By the way, did he tell you he knows explosives, artillery, and construction stuff?"

"Why?"

"Construction."

"Artillery in construction?"  He got a look.  "Really?"  He looked around.  "Calleigh?  Horatio?" he called.  She pointed and then got him to bring him over.  "That Harris boy has artillery experience?"

"He has an RPG launcher and two cases of missiles in his house," Horatio admitted.  "Among other things. They're all meticulously documented, the same way his gun collection is.  Why?"  Calleigh was staring at him in horror.  "He's needed it."

"But," she said.

"His personal gun collection is about two hundred strong," Griffy told her.  Mac gaped at that.  "Handguns.  I have no idea if or how many autos he's got.  They're his babies."  Horatio nodded.  "You did know he has construction experience?"

"I saw that on his application," she admitted quietly, glancing around.  "He brought a gun with him."

"He's a top rated ballistics tech," Mac reminded her.  "That high and you either love guns or you loathe them and you're trying to get them all off the streets."  She nodded that was true.   He looked at Horatio.  "You know about his eye?"

"I do."  He looked at Griffy.  "How was he really in the field?"

"I found out end of his first day.  Couldn't tell a difference.  The kid buckled in like a post- grad intern, told some jokes.  Wore some really bad t-shirts that say things that'll give you headaches.  Worked real well to break people."  That got a smile from Mac and Calleigh.

"He was wearing one under his shirt today," she admitted. "He really pulls his own weight?  Doesn't fly off to do that other stuff?"

Griffy shook his head.  "Until one came up on us at a scene I had no idea.  Then I heard some rumors.  He's known as a guy who does what he has to do and then moves on with his life.  The same as Taylor here is."

"The Marines aren't something you retire from either," Mac pointed out.

"I remember.  Doesn't mean the kid doesn't know that.  He's seriously wanting to retire, guys.  All he wants is to be judged on who he is and what he can do.  That's all he ever wanted from us.  He's asked if we were serious about wanting him back.  I'd love to have two more like Xander.  We had a ganger run up on our scene and he drew before me, got him talked down and cuffed while I was still trying to get someone to give us backup.  He's got street cred since one tutored him in Econ or something."  He shrugged, finishing his tea.  "He's a good kid, guys.  He's a great tech in the making.  He'll be one of the ones we'll point to and say 'be like him' or we'll mourn horribly but say 'well, he saved so and so but we miss him' a lot."  That got some nods. "So if you guys don't want him, I'm going to talk the boss into taking him back.  She's wary of his other stuff too but hell, at least then he could move to a Dakota, have little stress, have a few dogs so he never dates again, and probably at least be slightly happy."

"What about DC's labs?" Horatio asked.

"Alphabet soup," he said dryly.  "Plus he's got that pesky federal sealed file saying he bites."  They all gaped.  "There was a military/NSA project that came to their town.  They tortured the beings out there.  His group got mad, drove 'em off.  They don't like the boy in DC.  No one in DC likes the boy.  He and Abby might be scary together but no one up there would let the boy work for the feds with that 'I bite' rating.  Like I said, he's a guy to do what he has to do.  I had to keep him from working overtime on a case.  Twice in six weeks.  Ask Elenore in LA."  He looked around, whistling and pointing at someone, making her smile and wave before coming over.  "Xander's still free."

"Where is he?"

"In his room sulking.  His other stuff came to light."

"Aw, crap," she muttered.  "Hell, I'll take him anyway.  The guy filled in when he was bored last summer and we had a tech on maternity leave.  Pulled eighty hour weeks when we needed him to.  Did it once when we didn't need him to.  He thought it was expected.  Worked field cases.  Apologized a lot when we found out he didn't lift a print right because of his 103 fever that day.  Can't cook.  The boy's poisonous.  We nearly got sued because someone fed a suspect his cooking on purpose.  Speaking of, does he know what's going on in our town?"  Griffy nodded.  "Think he'll tell me?"

"To go find a spare room somewhere else," Xander said from behind her.  "There's a Sunnydale style battle coming up.  Think Graduation only worse, like the end of Sunnydale worse."  She shuddered.  "It's why I got sent to Miami.  Griffy?"

"I've been bragging that we might get you, kid."

"If he doesn't, I do," Elenore told him.  "I want to know first, Griffy, so I can have the paperwork drawn up.  Even if he stays in the ballistics lab it'll be worth it."  Xander gave her a hug and a smile, then walked off.  She looked at Mac, then at Horatio.  "What's wrong with you two?"

"His other calling would bite him in New York," Mac told her quietly.

She snorted. "He took out a six-foot head the last time we heard from him in LA.  We still love the boy.  I don't know what's wrong with you but I want to bring Xander home and baby him.  I'd trust him to babysit my kids."  Horatio smiled at that.  "I would.  The guy's a good kid.  Smart, got his head on straight."

"He's twenty-seven," Calleigh said.  "I'd hope so."

"He's got crew lead experience.  He hasn't called off a day yet," Elenore told her.  "I needed him for eight weeks, I got him for ten when she called off suddenly and he told his teachers I needed him.  He got excused so he could keep up with my shift's hours.  I don't care if I'm full on techs, I'll get him back somehow.  Let me know, Griffy."

"I will.  Thanks, Elenore."  She smiled and walked off, going back to her appointed interviewing spot.  He grinned at his next one, who was hovering just out of hearing.  He looked at Horatio again.  "His work and his *work* personalities are very different.  You'll get jokes, you'll get odd t-shirts, you'll get a happy, bouncy, carefree boy in the lab.  If you get him during an emergency, you'll get a field commander and a knight."  He walked off, leaving it there.

Mac looked at Horatio.  "I still don't think he'd like New York that much," he said quietly.

"Apparently Miami's getting the same sort of stress with our retirees from New York," Horatio said, giving him a look, getting a smile.  "Keep it up there, Mac, please?"

"If I can.  He appeared in the storeroom?"

"Asleep," Horatio agreed, walking him off to talk to him.  Ballistics was Calleigh's decision first.  Then his.

***

Xander showed up for his weekend trial, smiling as he signed in.  The receptionist gave him an odd look.  "CSI Duquesne called me in for a trial weekend?" he said quietly.

"The others got here yesterday, sir."

"I'm local and she said to come in today."  He handed over his letter.

"That's fine, I'll call her."  She called.  "Calleigh, I have an intern here with a letter saying to come in today?"  She smiled.  "Sure."  She hung up.  "She'll be right out.  Put on the pass please."  He clipped it to his shirt pocket, getting a nod.  Eric Delko came out so she handed over the letter.  "Calleigh send you?"

"Yup.  She's got a maze of guns."  He looked it over.  "She did date this one differently."

"Maybe she wanted to see us individually," Xander offered.  He grinned.  "Hi, Xander Harris."

"You're a ballistics tech?"

"With a minor in trace and field work," he admitted.  "Can we?  I've got my lab coat and glasses."

"Sure."  He walked him back there, watching as he put on the lab coat and grabbed gloves as soon as he walked in.  He handed Calleigh the letter, getting an eye roll.  "Misdated?" he teased.

"Yes.  Sorry, Xander."

"I'm impressive enough without the extra day," he said with a small grin.  "Where do you want me?"  She pointed at a scope so he went there, checking the envelopes around it.  "Original is on the left?"

"That is the protocol," she agreed.

He bent down to look at it, fiddling with the magnification.  "They're not the same.  Same brand but scuff marks."  The other interns snickered so he put it up onto the screen.  "See, scuff marks," he said, pointing at them.  "The envelope didn't say it was a ricochet or anything about a silencer."  He looked at Calleigh, who shook her head.  "Same model but different gun.  Do we have the original gun?"

"We do.  That's a test from an old one.  He's right, kids."  They gaped.  She nodded.  "Yeah.  Next test is on scope three, Xander."  She pointed and he went to it.

He bent down to look then frowned.  "They're not even the same species," he said dryly.  Eric snickered, walking out.  "One's a thirty-eight, one's a forty-five.  Same lans and grooves though.  Left is a Smith and Wesson revolver.  Right is...."  He turned it a few times.  "I'd say a Luger or a Kalishnikov."  He kept looking.  "Never mind, the bullet's Russian.  Kalishnakov."  He looked at her, getting a nod.  He beamed.  "More?  And can we clean the exemplar?  I want to compare to my babies."

"You're such a suckup," one of the other two complained.  "There's no way you can tell that by sight."

"It's called practice," Xander told her.

"He used to work with guns," Calleigh told them.

"No, I worked with artillery, explosives, and construction stuff," Xander corrected.  "To learn guns this way I went to pawn shops, firing ranges, and I did my in-school at a military testing facility and school."  Calleigh smiled at him.  "I spent a lot of free time at various pawn shops all around LA.  I can name quite a few in most cabinets on sight.  Their bullets as well because that's what knowing a gun means."  They both stared.  "The same as in this profession you either love guns or you want to take them all off the streets."  He looked at her.  "More?"

She pointed at another scope.  "That's one's closer."

He bent down to look, then at the envelopes.  "Ah, the classic bullet's the same size but not quite the same weight trick," he said, grinning at her.  She smirked back, crossing her arms.  He put that one up on the screen to show them.  "See, the one on the left is original to the gun.  The one on the right is a reload.  Now, they're the same gun but the reload is a tiny fraction bigger around.  So it distorts it."

"And what do you call that in a report?" Horatio asked as he walked in.

Xander looked at it.  "Ninety-six percent match I'd say, and then list the reload characteristics by weight, length, and width to explain why it's still the same gun."  He looked at Calleigh, who nodded.  "Can we play with the exemplar now or can we get to work on actual cases?  I know we've all done our in-school stuff."

She pointed at a plastic bin.  "We had a few drug dealers busted last night.  Those are the weapons that were on them.  We have to classify each one, invoice it, test fire, find any matches in the system, and then store them as evidence, kids."

Xander raised a hand.  "Fingerprints and Trace have been over them?"

"We know who they came off of.  Why would you want to?"

"Who said they're the original owner," Xander pointed out.  "Street guns are often traded and sold around.  The LAPD ballistics center saw cases with two and three owners, sometimes a few more, before they got found.  Usually with multiple uses from each."

She nodded.  "That is true.  I would have expected them to wipe them down or clean them."

"Trace can still be found under the hammer.  Half the idiots who use guns don't know not to get their hand in the way."

"True.  You can do that since you do have a minor in trace.  I'll let them test fire since you've had more experience there.  Then we can all compare and do some finding in the system.  Agreed?" Calleigh asked.  They all nodded and Xander got to work on the first one, pulling over a magnifying glass to help him.  She got him some swabs and lift sheets just in case and had the others seal the bullets she had out, watching how they did.  "Sign them," she ordered.  "That's protocol in every lab."  She looked at one then at her.  "What's your first name?  The full one?"  She grimaced and put that on there.  "I know you go by a nickname, the same as Xander does, but that's federal protocol, guys.  We all have to do it, even Horatio when he works in here."  Xander nodded, handing over the first one.  "You sure?"

"The only thing wrong with that one that I found was rust in the slide.  It had some sand in the trigger and I collected it in case it becomes relevant," he said, holding up that swab case.  It was already written and notated on so she passed that one on. He frowned at the next one, looking it over.  "What are you?  Mutant gun?"

She came over to look.  "That's our new remake model," she explained.  "See, you take this," she said, pulling it apart to show him.  "These parts are from one gun, these parts are from another gun, and then these two are from another."

He looked at her.  "Do we write this out fully?  Just to make sure it's known and in case we find the other matching parts?"

"How would you tell?" Horatio asked from the corner he had snuck into again.

"Wear patterns maybe?  Aging and thickness of the metal?"  That got a nod.  "I mean, if we want to get truly techie about it, we can do what they do to battleships to find weaknesses in the metal.  That, the age, and type of gun should give us a fairly accurate match, right?"

Horatio nodded.  "It could but we don't need to do that for this case.  We'd save that for things like guns that were stolen out of evidence and broken down."  Xander nodded, getting back to work checking for trace.  He smiled at Calleigh.  Xander lifted a print and kept going, finding a bit of skin as well.  "I thought we knew the owners."

"He had a point.  We might be able to find trace on the former owners before them.  We know statistically speaking at least sixty percent of guns on the street have been used before by someone else."

"What do you do if you have two hundred guns backlogged?" the female intern candidate asked.

"The same thing and order dinner," Xander told her.  "Ballistics is one of the fastest clearing fields but the LAPD ballistics center had at least a day backlog most of the time."  He looked at her.  "I temped in there one summer for a maternity leave.  The judges hate it but the prosecutors expect it to be done in a relatively quick manner.  In Miami that's...."

"Twenty-four to thirty-six hours of us getting them," Calleigh told him.  "My goal is to have this lab clear on the same shift it came in on.  With non-felony having their own that makes it easier on us to do that.  Unless we have a whole truckload of guns and we have in the past," she assured them.  Xander put that one back together and handed it off with the box.  "Xander, box?"  He pointed, looking at her.  "Fine."

"He's free to test fire immediately or I would've sealed it back up."  He went back to work, frowning at the next one.  "Someone dunked this gun or tried to eat it.  It's salty."  He scraped some with a swab and got back to work.  Nothing else on that one so he boxed it up and handed it over after resealing it.  His notepad had a lot of notes in his special version of shorthand, but it did have case number and name.  He flinched at one sound.  "That's not that Frankenstein gun, right?"

"No, I'm not sure what that was," she admitted, going to look.  "What did you fire off?"  The male intern gave her a sheepish look, letting her have the gun.  "Where was that?"

"In here."

She looked at the tag then at him.  "In here where?"  He pointed.  "Horatio, the night shift idiot left out evidence," she complained, bringing it out to him.  "Gather that bullet and bring it out to compare."  He did that.  She looked then at the bullet.  "You fire, then you collect before the other fires.  That's a nine mil, this is a thirty-eight."  She let Xander see it.   "Well?"

"Well....  I'm guessing Frankenstein gun since the powder wasn't fully burnt off?"  She nodded, going to get it.  He looked at him.  "You're taking notes for the report, right?"  He winced, starting on that.  He got back to work, shaking his head slightly.  He finally got done in the in-box, taking the last few for his own test firing.  He waited until she got done with hers, watching her collect, bag, tag, and then do the next one after her notes.  Once she had cleared out he donned the protective ear muffs and checked each one, firing and collecting, making his own notes about pull, the grip being loose and shifting on one, and depth of penetration.  He came out with them resealed from the tape in there and initialed, taking someone's pen to do his last envelope.  "Mine's dry," he explained.  He settled down at the spare scope and computer to do his work, running each one through the system, pulling up a few reports, and putting them aside for the later reports he'd be writing.   Some more notes and he was quickly done, then looked at Calleigh.  "Do we write reports on these?"  She nodded, getting him into the word processing system.  "Form or not form?"

"Not form.  Actual reports."

He nodded.  "Okay."  He got to work on his first one, following his notes, finding the reports he had made notes on as well.  He saved each one down under his last name and the case number then went onto the second one while that one sat behind it and waited for him to spell and grammar check.   He got his four done and then did all his usual checks, going back over his facts and notes to make sure.  He had to add one more note to one and that was rechecked for spelling and grammar, then he printed and signed, handing them over and the sealed envelopes, plus the sealed boxes.  She gave him an odd look.  "I'll go run the samples in trace or should I hand them over?"

"Go ahead and hand them over this time, Xander."  He nodded, walking out to do that.  She sat down to look over the reports.  They were concise, easy to read, set up well.  Had case and names in it where needed.  He came back.  "Do you always write like this?"

"Yup.  That's how Professor Destra worked it out with me.  I used to write really crappy ones."  He sat down, looking at her.

She pointed at the exemplar, getting a smile and him going to work in there.  "Goofball," she muttered but she was smiling.  The male intern looked at her.  "Take as much time as you need.  Xander has experience on you guys where he filled in for that maternity leave."  That got a nod.  "Xander's at the level where I'd expect you to be at least by the fourth month of your internship, if not before then.  You'll get there."  Xander brought out one with a confused look.  "Custom made for prosthetic hand," she told him.  He nodded, going back.  He brought out another.  "Kemper.  Fairly old."  He beamed and went back, petting the others, pulling out the gun cleaning kits to get to work and make himself useful.  She glanced in on him once and smiled.  He was gently stroking the gun while he cleaned it, talking to it quietly.  He was such a goofball.  She came back to get reports, reading them over.  "Charlene, case numbers?"  She groaned, taking it back to put those in.  The male intern gave her a hopeful look, letting her look his over.  "Not bad," she admitted.  "A bit wordy but that's usual with interns.  You'll shorten it on the days when you have this many guns and you're alone.  It's a fairly natural progression."  She took the rest of the reports and their notes to look over.  Xander's notes were frowned at.  "He uses personal shorthand."  He leaned out.  "I'd rather your notes be in something else."

"Okay, I can do that."  He went back to the guns.  "You guys can come help me clean if you're done and everything's put up."  They whimpered, sealing the bullets properly and the gun boxes as well.   Then they went to help clean.

"Why didn't you stay in LA?" Charlene complained.  "You're making us look bad."

Xander looked at her.  "Someone needed me to be down here.  You've only had an in- school internship.  You'll get better.  In about four months, you'll be about where I am.  Where I had a minor I had to pull extra internship hours and plus I subbed in.  You guys'll grow into this."

"How long are days?" the guy complained.

"Eight or ten hours, depending on your lab," Xander told him.  "Weekends at the LAPD we rotated the three techs so they got twelve hour shifts and one got the weekend off."  That got a shudder. "It's a nice paycheck and they were short.  It was right before intern season last year."  He checked the present gun.  "Calleigh, this one has burrs."

"I know.  It's fine."

"Okay, making sure."  He finished it and put it back together, hanging it on the wall.  "Think of me as a  yardstick for your first four months. By then your reports should only have to be glanced over by her, she'll be checking every few cases by then if you're good.  You'll be doing the grunt work, like this stuff, without her having to nag.  There's also bullet sorting for cases, things going to the Prosecutor and not yet.  They had a special area for each stage:  unsolved, solved but not in court yet, in trial, and solved, trial's done.  It's grunt work to file and sort.  Plus since she's a field tech you guys'll have the lab to yourselves once she feels you're ready at least once a week while she's on cases."

"How do you handle hangovers?" Charlene asked quietly.

"I don't drink.  I had alcoholic parents."  She grimaced.  "The best answer is do it the night before the day you're off.  Feel lucky, interns get shorter hours than full techs.  We'll only be working thirty, maybe forty a week.  She'll be pulling whatever's needed hours."  They whimpered.  "It's a good field but you've got to know the truth, kids."

"You're our age," the guy complained.

"I'm twenty-seven.  I'm old enough to be your big brother," Xander said, giving him a look.  "Put the pin in backwards."  He looked then fixed it.  Calleigh came in with two reports, making him wince when one was his.  "What did I do?"

"The name on one."  She pointed, then handed him his notes.  "Letter switch."  He nodded, going to fix that.  She looked at Charlene. "He's right about the drinking.  There's been a lot of interns let go over the years for too many hangovers."  She handed the other male tech one.  "You did the same thing.  It's an easy mistake to make."  He nodded, going to fix it.  She sat down across from her, taking Xander's gun to finish cleaning.  "It's a good field, he's right about that."

"Then why wasn't he chosen first off?" she asked.

"Because Xander has a combat history," she told her honestly.  "And that's a bit distracting to him now and then in a bad way.  I have no doubt he can handle the job but I'm worried that the other stuff might show up and interfere with the work.  The same as your boyfriend or girlfriend can with you."

"His combat history's his lover?"

"No, my last girlfriend turned serial killer," Xander told her as he came back, handing it over.  "Did a find and replace, boss."

"Thank you, Xander."  She looked it over.  "You changed another word too."  He groaned.  She smiled and patted him on the arm.  "Whiteout."

"Fat chance."

"It wastes paper.  They expect one now and then."  He nodded, going to do that.  "It's an easy mistake to make when you're pushing yourself.  He was right about another thing.  There's going to be days when you'll be in here by yourself with that many guns and more.  The least I've ever had on a good day was five.  The most was, I think, fifty-eight from my shift."  Charlene whimpered. "Those days we expect them clear within a day."

"Forty-five minutes each gun," she complained.

"Half hour," Xander told her.  "If you're doing them one at a time you fire, you bring back, you run, you type your report while it's searching, then  you add in the appropriate information, seal, print, go on."  He sat down again, taking the other guy's gun back.  "He wanted to look over mine."

"That's fine.  I liked your style.  It was easy to read and not too technical."  He beamed at that, going back to work.  "Eighty hour weeks in LA?" she asked gently.

"We were in the 'hood' ballistics lab," he said grimly.  "Non-split so we had drug dealers, felonies, B&E's, all that together.  They were backed up because she had to go on maternity leave suddenly.  They hoped for twenty-four and it was more like forty-eight to clear so three days without a tech on one shift screwed that badly.  That's why they asked for the relief pitcher and I volunteered for the paycheck.  They knew me and it was cool with them so I subbed."  He shrugged. "It was good for me and them."

"So I've heard."  She smiled and got back to work when Horatio walked the other one back there.  "Problems?"

"Rick's hovering trying to get into Xander's sealed federal file."

"It contains a warning that I bite."  He grinned at him.  "You do not come to my town and torture people, especially not people we then end up taking care of.  Nor do you use people to try to separate out your target and eliminate the rest one way or another.  I got pissed. We did it together."

"I'll tell him you said that.  Military?"

"Started out NSA.  Went to military.  Sealed during the inquest," he agreed.  He went back to cleaning. "So, what's your personal collection like, Charlene?"

"I don't have one," she admitted.  "I didn't think we did."

"Most ballistics people who are on the love guns side do have at least a few," Calleigh admitted.  "Xander's got a personal exemplar."  Xander grinned and nodded, getting a swat from her.  "Quit showing off."

"I love my babies.  They've protected me often."

"I'm sure they have," Horatio agreed, going to deal with that.  "Rick, I asked him."

"What's in it?"

"Apparently there was a group that started out NSA and went to military funding who was experimenting on the people in his former town," he said quietly, walking him off.  "Xander and a few of his friends objected.  They ran them out of town.  It was sealed during the inquest.  He said it contains the rating that he bites."

"He bites?" he asked flatly.  "Harris?" he called.  Xander leaned out of ballistics a moment later.  "You bite?"

"The soldier's gun I took off him misfired so I used it to club one guy and then bit another one."  He grinned sweetly.  "You don't come to my hometown and torture people.  We didn't like that."  He went back to work.

Stetler followed.  "I want that file."

"It was sealed by the inquest committee," he said, sounding very patient.  "I do not know your security rating, I cannot give it to you.  You can write the guys in DC who did the inquest and see if they'll hand it over."  He looked at him.  "I only bite when I have to.  I'm known to jump in when I think I can help but biting is for special occasions.  Like the NSA freaks implanting behavior control chips."  Stetler shuddered.  "Exactly. Which is why myself, three female friends, and a librarian ran them off.  One of their guys who changed sides to be with one of the girls on my team helped with the second dose of running off."

"Where are you from?" he demanded.

"Sunnydale."  He grinned.  "Three hours from LA."  Rick went pale.  "Heard of us?" he asked brightly.  He shuddered as he walked off, hugging himself to get warm again.  "Huh.  Must've been the librarian part."  He got back to work, humming a bit until Calleigh bopped him on the arm.  "Sorry.  It's like meditation for me."

"Hum something other than a Disney tune," Charlene complained.

"Yes, dear," he quipped back, making her growl.  "Sorry, not for real.  I may tease, I may tempt, but I do not date where I work.  Actually I simply do not date at the moment since my last one killed sixteen people."  He put that gun back together again and put it back onto the wall, picking out one of the heavier ones.  Calleigh gave him a look.  "The last one was too small for my hand. This one's more comfortable."

"If you say so."  She got back to work, shaking her head.  "Librarian?"

"Buffy's friend Giles," he said blandly, giving her a look.

"Oh, him.  Yeah, I heard about him.  That explains a lot.  She was dating one of them?"

"A team leader," he agreed.  "Those were all sorts of not-fun days."

She shook her head.  "Why don't you count your subbing in time, Xander?"

"I'll still need six-hundred-sixty hours of internship time in ballistics and a full half- internship for each minor," he pointed out.  "There's still stuff I need to learn in Trace.  Most of our teachers were theoretical people.  I didn't get near as much lab time as I really needed.  Some of the stuff I can do by rote but I don't understand why.  Even if I count this weekend I'll still need hours to be hireable.  Even for the small, non-demanding labs."

"Maybe we should head to lunch," Charlene offered.

"It's all right," Xander told her. "I know very well my combat history freaks some people out.  The same as you guys deserve a good lab to try to make a go of it and this is one of the best in the country."  They both nodded.  "You guys have probably worked just as hard as I have to get here today."

Calleigh coughed.  "UCLA's program is harder than either of their's and it's harder to get into," she told him.  He shrugged.  "Plus, didn't you have a tutor?  I heard something about Econ?"

"Yeah, I had a Blood tutoring me in there.  He was really nice about trying to make me see the world was a wider place.  Sunnydale wasn't very diverse so he took me down to the hood and their bars and introduced me around.  I was there when a rival gang came in to kill everyone and helped stop that and called for backup so both sides got arrested equally.  They even respected me for that.  I treated them all the same, no matter what gang they came from.  Since I treated them like people instead of like cows they really liked that about me," he finished quietly, going back to his cleaning.

"You could go back to LA," Charlene pointed out.

"San Diego actually.  LA has some bad memories at the moment," he told her.  He put that one back together and got another one down to clean.

"Boss, can we have lunch anyway?" the other guy asked.

"Sure.  Break room's up the hall, guys.   You can go too, Xander."

"I got here late.  Besides, I got breakfast on the way in.  I'll be fine until four or five.  Or did you want us working later?"

"Go get a soda," she offered more gently.  He nodded, putting that gun back together and up on the wall, then taking off his gloves and coat so he could go get lunch.  She put hers down too, going to find Horatio.  "I have an idea."

"All right.  I'm all up for it."

"The satellite lab."  He frowned.  "The satellite lab."

"I know what you're talking about.  Why are we talking about it?"

"Xander needs six-hundred-sixty hours in ballistics, half-time in trace and field work.  They've almost got a trace person full time there.  Xander can do the ballistics department all by himself.  The only thing I got him on today was a few letter switches in a name.  He knows his guns like I do.  I think the satellite lab would be for the best.  It'd give him everything but field hours and if we're in overflow we can easily call him for backup.  I need him tested in trace though.  He said his people were lecture and he's a hands-on guy.  So a few afternoons with Speed and he'll be good.  Since Speed's recovering it should be good for him.  He can even work out there for a while.  Their guy wanted to go on vacation but couldn't because Speed got shot."

He considered it.  "Let me talk to Speed, see if he'll do it.  They are a lot alike."

"I want to hurt whoever hurt him, Horatio.  I want to cuddle the boy.  Alexx will want to cuddle the boy.  Stetler can't find fault with him.  He's got federal ratings already since he did an internship at a military academy and testing center.  It'd give Xander a little out of the way area he can work in and it won't bother others even if he does have to settle things.  He won't get much work but it'll be something.  The other two deserve a chance.  They need a closer mentor.  Xander's almost able to handle it on his own at the moment.  I'd be doing oversight every few cases but otherwise I'm sure he can handle it.  Plus I know he's not going to be an idiot and call off every payday."

"I'll talk to the Chief, see if they can afford it.  Then get onto Speed."

"Thank you."  She smiled and went down there, pulling Xander outside to talk to him.  "You're about ready to head your own lab, Xander.  With the hours you can already count I should be able to leave you alone all by yourself."

"They did in LA all the time," he admitted.  "I worked full shift out there by myself for the most part."

She smiled.  "We have a small satellite lab.  It's for cases on the other end of the county.  It does generalized, non-split testing."  He nodded. "You can get your hours in ballistics, you can get your hours in trace out there, but we are going to talk to our favorite trace person, and the guy who trained Delko, to see if he'll test you in trace and make sure you know everything you need to know."  Xander nodded once, starting to look more perky.  "Good.  Horatio's checking to see if they can afford a tech."

"I've got a pre-paid apartment," Xander told her quietly.  "As long as I'm making a little something it'll be okay."

She smiled and patted him on the arm.  "Of course it will be.  We'll do what we can. You do deserve a chance.  So do they and they need me more."  He nodded.  "What did you think?"

"I think you'll end up losing one but I'm not sure which," he admitted quietly.  "Her eyes are bloodshot so either she's not sleeping or she's been drinking a lot.  He's twitchy and jumpy, very unsure of himself or he's hiding something.  Would I be doing field work?"

"As backup when we needed someone," she agreed.  "Did you sleep?  Nightmares?"

"Nightmares imply that I get sleep," he admitted.  "Which I don't get too much of.  A lot of broken sleep.  What happens if I have a funeral to go to out in LA?"

"You'll tell the boss, you'll tell Horatio, he'll arrange things.  Right now it's all coming here.  I could use you out there."  He smiled, a true, warm smile, and nodded.  "Let's go talk to Horatio."  She walked him back inside.  "No sodas in that lab either," she reminded him.

"Even capped?"

"Even capped.  That's Miami law."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good boy."  She walked him up to Horatio's office.  "He could take a lesser salary if necessary," she said quietly.

"The Chief's thinking about it.  He wanted to know why so I was honest, Xander.  He does remember you.  Fondly even."  Xander grinned at that.  "Are there things we should talk about?"

"Clothing?"

"You have to wear some but you'll hardly ever be out of the lab," he admitted.  "If you are, be presentable."

Xander nodded.  "There's the possibility of needing funerals soon in LA.  I should go."

"How bad?"

"If I'm right, they're SOL out there.  I'll have a few within a few months.  That final world-ending battle for the century is going to be a bad one.  It may be down to the last few by then."

He nodded.  "If so, you tell me.  We'll see what we can work out."  Xander nodded at that.  "In return, I do want oversight on your artillery and explosives collection."

"Agreed.  It's in the binders."

"All of it?"  He nodded.  "You're sure?"

"Very.  Well, not the ball.  That's kinda new.  Fred and I made it in the lab a few months back."  He licked his lips.  "She died last night," he admitted quietly.  He nodded at that.  "I'm going back on Monday for hers late that evening.  Then I'll be back on Wednesday.  There's some things I have to pick up that didn't get sent and it'll require me kicking some pasty, pale, undead ass to get it probably."

"If you want," he agreed.  "As long as you don't get arrested."  That got a nod. "Good.  Go back to lunch."  He held up his soda.  "Eat, Xander.  We do fuss around here."

"We'll sic our ME on you.  She's a good mother," Calleigh said, walking him off.

***

Calleigh walked into her boss's office that night.  "I will beg," she said bluntly.  "Xander deserves a chance.  He's the fifth highest tech in the country right now.  Otherwise we lose our protection from him."

"Is that the only reason you want him?"

"No.  I honestly think Xander would be happier in a lab than he is doing whatever he does that I don't want to know about.  He's good."  She put down some of the reports.  "That's his from earlier.  This is one of the other two interns' I had in today.  He's already done over half his hours by subbing in before graduation.  It's a loophole but he can count it."

He looked them over, looking at her.  "Oversight?"

"I'd stare over his shoulder when necessary.  He'd need more in trace.  He admitted there's some stuff he only does by rote in there because the teachers didn't want to take him into the lab to show him.  We're siccing Speed on him if you'll agree."

"It's an easy job for someone who's on the injured list to start back at," he sighed, looking at her.  "Are you sure?  Interns are expensive."

"New techs are more expensive.  The only problem he's foreseeing is that his friends and former coworkers are in some sort of epic battle situation.  He's going back early Monday for a funeral that night.  Please?  He deserves a chance at a great future.  After this, he might end up somewhere non-demanding and raise dogs and protect the local area. For right now, we need him here and he needs us.  His friends doing that to him cut his chances to work for a good lab down to this and that's it.  If it wasn't for that and me finding out what he's had to do, I'd have snatched the boy up immediately, sir.  Please?"

"Fine.  I'll set him out there and let Speedle work on Trace with him," he agreed.  She smiled and nodded.  "You'll be doing close oversight?"

"The usual once a day random case check.  Why?  Did you hear something?"

"Stetler's uneasy about the boy."

"He found out Xander bites."

"Bites?"

"The sealed federal file was where he and a few friends ran a bunch of torturing creatures out of their town.  The inquest panel sealed it.  He admitted one of the guns he picked up to defend himself jammed so he used it as a club and then bit someone."

"Ah.  Charming."

"It helped.  I wouldn't want some NSA group putting behavior chips in my head either, sir."

"Fine.  Whatever.  Tell him to mind his manners or else Stetler is going to beat him."

"Yes, sir.  Thank you."  She walked out, going to find Xander and tell him the good news.  She found him holding his head, sitting in his car at the station.  "Headache?"

"Wesley," he admitted, looking at her.  "You look like you took Fred's perky pills."

"You have the ballistics lab at the satellite lab."  He sighed, nodding and smiling.  "Not happy?"

"Wes was killed today.  That means they're down to two vampires, one exceptional son, Gunn, who's a street kid, and a demonic karoake bar owner."

"Do you need to go?"

"No.  I'm banned from going.  Wes left a voicemail on my system telling me that before he died."

"Why?"  He shrugged.  "You know, when we have bigger problems, we all end up talking to Horatio about things."

"I don't want to lay this battle onto someone else," Xander admitted.  "Besides, I barely know the guy."  He started the car.  "I'll see you tomorrow to help them and then the following Monday for work?"

"Sure, that's what we told the boss.  You sure?"

He smiled a bit but nodded.  "I don't even know him enough to have given him a headache from some of my t-shirts.  I'll handle it.  Thanks anyway.  See you bright and early tomorrow."

"Seven," she ordered.  He nodded as he backed his car out.  She watched him go before heading up to Horatio's office.  "He's just heard that two of his friends have died in this other battle and he's not allowed to help."

"Is he going back for the funerals?"  She nodded.  "Then we'll see what we can do before then.  Do you need him tomorrow?"

"I think he kinda irked the kids today by playing big brother.  Charlene told me she felt a bit threatened by Xander's gun nutjob attitude.  We got to talking automatics and he freaked out the other kid by admitting he had fired off a good many of them.  Even though he did point out that his in-school for ballistics was at an artillery center and military academy.  Neither one is in their right mind over him.  They're both very threatened by how good he already is.  They're seeing the greatness gap and it's pissing them off really."

"Not everyone can be great," he offered.

"I know, and I pointed out the world is full of simply wonderful techs who aren't great but they get the job done.  It offended their egos."

"They'll get over it and figure out he probably told them the truth in a few months.  I'm going to talk to Speed tonight."

"Can I call and gush on him?"

"Go right ahead."  She smiled and went to do that while he finished up his paperwork so he could head over there.  "Speed," he said at the doorway.

"Who is this kid, Rambo?"

"No, he's not like that usually.  Only when he has to be.  Though he does speak better."  He walked inside, smiling at him.  He handed over the information packet he had on him, watching him sit down to read it.  "He's a hands-on learner, Speed.  We know he's at least at minimum standards.  He passed his certification test very highly."  He sat down, watching him pace and read.  "He did say he could use some oversight in Trace.  You being there to go over things with him could help him a lot."

"It's his minor?"

"That and field work."  Speed gave him an odd look.  "He wanted the first two, he took the other because it was only a few more classes and it looks good, plus it'll get him out of the lab now and then.  What we're going to do is give him the ballistics lab in the satellite lab.  He could get his trace hours in out there too."  He handed over a report from earlier.  "He's only got another six-hundred-sixty hours for his ballistics internship and a full set for the trace side.  He did say he's doing some things by rote because he doesn't understand them.   His teachers went into lecture mode more often than they did the lab classes, at least for his peace of mind.  I'm sure he's farther ahead than he thinks."

"So you want me to make sure he's up to date in Trace and then oversight him?" he asked.

"Which would get you back to the satellite lab at least for a while, until you're closer to coming back to us," he said gently.

"Then what're we doing with the kid?  Calleigh let slip that there was something odd about his past.  She said combat history, not military service."

"He didn't want that to come into the open," he said, looking at him.  "He doesn't want it to matter."

"But....."

"He's off to see two friends into the afterlife in a few days," he admitted quietly, staring at him.  "He's part of the protection society out in LA."

"Gang?"

"No."

"No?" he asked, considering it.  "Strange crap?"  He got a nod.  "How bad?"

"Tenth grade.  He wants to retire but he's the guy we found was sent to our storeroom."

"I heard about that.  How did he get in there?"  Horatio shrugged.  "Ah, one of those.  Great."

"Which was about his opinion as well," Horatio admitted.   He stood up.  "Calleigh said if she hadn't known that about him she'd have a prized intern.  We would've signed him during the intern convention.  She does and she's got two chicks she's trying to nurse into a better placement."  Speed shuddered.  "I think you'll find Xander isn't as young as you think.  Even if he does wear t-shirts he said can cause headaches."

"He's how old?"

"Twenty-seven," he said with a small smile.  "This is his second career."

"Oh."  He sat down, going over it again.  He looked at him.  "These evals from his in- school...."

"San Diego offered to have him back and Elenore in LA begged to have him if we didn't take him."

"Even knowing the strange stuff?"

"Even knowing the strange stuff," he agreed quietly.

"Then I'll give the kid a chance.  When am I getting him?"

"He's leaving Monday for a few funerals.  He'll be back Thursday probably.  He'll be starting out there the following Monday barring another issue."  That got a nod.  "Give him a chance without that."

"I will."  Horatio nodded, heading out and home.

Speed leaned back to look things over, then decided to call the kid.  "Hey, I'm your future mentor, Speedle."  He smiled at the babble going on.  "You okay?"  He nodded.  "When you get back I want you to call me so we can go tour that facility and then we'll see what you do and don't know in Trace."  He took down the address.  "I can look that over.  You okay?"  He nodded.  "It's hard losing friends.  Sure, you can talk to me.  Like H, you can babble at me and I'll listen.  He taught me how to do that."  He listened to what the kid was saying.  "Even if he did do that to you, was he still a friend?"  He nodded.  "That makes sense and I'd be pissed as hell too, kid.  But think, now he's dead.  Is he going to come back to haunt you?  Then go to his funeral."  He winced at the new information.  "Can you get around that?"  He smirked.  The kid had balls.

"Sure. When you get back, call me.  We'll go see it and I'll bring stuff we've already done so I can see how good you really are.  Yeah, H said you're a hands-on kid.  No, I had that same problem now and then but I do know the theoretical.  Sometimes it didn't make sense until I had done it....  You had a who tutor you in Chem 3?"  He blinked.  "That's a new one.  So you've got street cred too, huh?"  He snickered.  "I think we'll get along just fine, Xander.   Sure.  I'll be here.  That's me.   Call me when you're ready to deal with it.  I'll see you then.  T-shirts are fine.  I wear them all the time out there.  The lab head out there isn't that picky.  You too.  Get some rest, kid.  The other trainees are probably tiring you out."  He smirked.  "Good to know.  You don't have Rambo syndrome, right?"  He laughed.  "Good one!"  He hung up, smiling but shaking his head.  So far the kid could keep up with his sense of humor.  It'd do for a start.

***

Xander walked into the satellite lab, taking off his sunglasses.  "Hi, um, I'm the new ballistics intern tech out here?" he told the receptionist, who gave him a horrified look.  "What?"

"Your t-shirt, sir."

He looked down then grinned at her.  "Speed said it'd be fine."

"Uh-huh.  Okay.  Do you have your ID?"  He handed the newly created thing over.  "Okay.  Sign in please?"  He did that.  "What's in the bag?"

"Locker stuff."

"It's to the right, but you'll have to get it assigned."  She called someone.  "Bob, your new ballistics intern is here."  She hung up and he jogged out.  "This is him," she said when he looked around.

"I was expecting a giant."

"Just me," Xander told him, grinning a bit.  "Xander Harris."

"Bob Reynolds."  He walked him back there, looking at the bag.  "Coats?"

"Locker stuff too.  Speedle said to come in today and take the tour, stuff my locker, that stuff.  He's going over the trace stuff to make sure I'm okay in there."

"You've got a minor?"  Xander held up two fingers.  "How?"

"Field minor was only three more classes.  Why not take it."

"Wow.  You went where?"

"UCLA."  He got blinked at.  "Did someone blow up the college and I wasn't told?"

"No, we don't usually get people from that far away."

"It's a great lab," he said happily, smiling at him.  "Did you get my evals?  If not, I've got a copy."

"Please."  Xander handed over the packet.  He looked them over, then stared at him.  "That's high praise.  I know Elenore."

"I talked to her last night after a funeral," he admitted quietly.

"You okay?"

"I want to find a certain set of higher powers and kill them repeatedly since they're immortal but yeah."  That got a nod.  Someone knocked then came in.  "Hi," he said, holding out a hand.  "Xander Harris, ballistics and trace."

The guy looked at him then snorted.  "I know who you are," he sneered.

Xander looked at him.  "Gee, you know which former friend?"

That got a snort.  "I know why you're here, not them.  They're unworthy creatures."

"They thought I was dryer lint too.  Oh well.  I take a very easy approach.  You can like me or you can be socially polite with me.  If I have to start a snark war, I learned from the Queen of it and dated another."  That got an odd look.  "I nearly married Anyanka," he said quietly.

The man gaped.  "Never mind.  We'll get along just fine."

Xander smiled.  "I thought we could work together.  You're in where?"

"AV.  I'm Gerald."  He shook his hand.  "Nice to have you.  You start when?"

"Monday.  Is there a backlog?"

"Two guns. I'm sure you can clear it today after the tour."

"Probably.  I'm waiting on Speedle to come in.  He's going to make sure I'm up to date in Trace and go over a few things I still had questions on since it's my minor."

Gerald gave him a look.  "You went where?"

"UCLA.  I graduated second in their class."

That got a nod.  "Congrats."  He looked at Bob.  "The traffic cam system is down again."

"I'll call someone, Gerry.  Thanks."  He nodded and walked out.  "He's got a bit of a genius complex."

Xander shrugged. "Like I said, you either like me or you're socially polite and so am I."  That got a smile.  "So, locker then show me around?"  That got a nod and they went to find him a locker.  They were very old lockers but he didn't care.  He loaded everything in there, including a first aid kit and a few guns.  Then he handed him the spare key to his lock.  That got a nod and they walked out together, going to tour the facility.  It had a lot of older machines and a few were older than even the training stuff he had learned on, but that was fine.  They came out of ballistics to find Speedle signing in.  "Hi.  Xander Harris."

"I saw your picture on your site with the evals."  He shook his hand.  "Tim Speedle."  He smiled at Bob.  "You were going on vacation?  I'm going to be assigned here on lab-only duty until I'm cleared for field work to oversight him in Trace."

"Hallelujah, thank you, Speed."  He gave him a hug, shook Xander's hand.  "Let me know the minute you get in Monday morning, Xander."  He hurried off to call his boss to get permission.

"Before you ask, I'm more picky than he is."

Xander stepped closer.  "I get to clean too, right?"

"Please do.  You OCD?"

"Hell no.  But I am a bitch about protocol in my lab."  That got an evil smirk.  "The only thing I wish we could break was the capped soda rule."

"Wish I could let you.  Use the box outside your lab for that.  You'll have the door open anyway, kid."

"True."  He grinned, looking into the trace lab.  "Do you want to start today?"

"Yup, that's why I rode over."

"Horse?"

Speed smirked, shaking his head.  "No, I'm not a princess this week.  Thanks for asking," he said sarcastically.  "You?"

"I *am* the princess of ballistics according to some of my fellow students."  He went that way with him, grabbing the jacket he had put in ballistics and his glasses, coming in to glove up and prove what he could do and what he did by rote.  Speed made him slow down a few times but that was fine.  He got to work on his depth perception problem too.  By the end of the day Speed could appreciate having him there and it was all good.  Xander stayed long enough to clear the now three gun backlog and send the reports directly to Calleigh for her approval.  Then he headed back out to his car.  He found Speed leaning against the side of his bike. "Cleaning up the backlog in ballistics."

"You never have to justify clearing a backlog to me, Xander.  I expect you to act like a full tech.  Calleigh said you did.  The same as I don't care if you play quiet music."  That got a smile.  "The first time I find lyrics in a report you're getting paddled.  I do hit hard before you ask."

"I figured you did," he offered with a grin, leaning against the side of his card.  "I know, it's a POS car.  It was cheap and it runs."

"That happens now and then."  He stroked his bike.  "This is my baby."

"Mine's my personal exemplar."

"So you are a scary gun nutjob sort, huh?"

"With a history of having to use artillery," he quipped, grinning at him.  "We'll do fine, Speed.  By the way, this is the nicer t-shirt I own."

He looked at the saying then at him.  "Do your worst."  Xander smirked back, bowing a bit.  "You gay?"

"Bi.  I'm not dating presently.  My last one went serial killer and killed sixteen people before I finally convinced the LAPD that she was doing that."  Speed gaped.  "She was a stripper before that.  She could cook."

"You can't?"

"I'm poisonous in the kitchen," Xander told him.  "Literally.  No one knows why but I've sent a whole department to the ER with a bake sale and some brownies I made from a mix, even with someone watching me."  Speed gaped and whimpered.  "So no, I nuke and I order."

Speed nodded at that.  "Probably a good idea.  I cook so I'll bring you food now and then."

"Sure.  I live on caffeine anymore."

"What happened in LA?"

"I got into a shouting match with one of the last people in my former group, telling him about the concept of backup.  He didn't want to listen."  Speed nodded slowly at that.  "It's going to be another funeral within a few months.  We're not sure when yet but it'll be sometime in the near future," he finished quietly, staring at him.  "And I'm told that I can't go back for that one.  So I'll toast them and pour blood wine into the ocean for them."

Speed walked over, facing him down.  "You need to talk."

"I have a journal."

"People give you feedback."

"I want to scream but not at you.  The people I want to scream at are either already dead, or a higher power who set this up and made sure I couldn't help.  That's who sent me here."

"How was his funeral?"

Xander shrugged.  "I kept wanting to jump up and scream at his body."  That got a nod.  "Wouldn't have helped any and the others there would've minded.  One of them kept giving me wary looks.  I did get the rest of my stuff.  I came back with it and shipped the rest."

"Rest?  Horatio told me your exemplar includes a lot of cased stuff."

Xander nodded.  "It does.  I gave him oversight to make sure none of it disappears because he asked."  He stared at him.  "I'm not going to let it cloud me here at work unless he starts to haunt me, Speed.  They were doing the same things my original friends were and low and behold they tried to send me away too.  By the time I finish my hours down here I'm hoping that I can find somewhere that won't happen.  Then I'll get a dog or two and settle down that way."

"Sounds lonely."

Xander shrugged.  "I'm tired of tainting women.  Making one a money grubbing nympho and then the serial killer who wanted to kill my former friends was enough.  I've given up on women."

"Sure.  I get that.  Want to head out to a club tonight?  Miami's party central."

Xander grinned.  "I don't feel like being kidnaped tonight so I'm going to go home and nuke something then watch something on tv.  I had to ship that back.  Wes forgot it."  He swallowed, looking at him.  "Thank you for offering.  Let me know if you need help with your shoulder.  I've had a few fairly tragic injuries over my life."

"Sure, as long as you talk to me if it starts to interfere with the work."

"I will."  He nodded, backing off.  "Night."

"Night.  See you tomorrow to go over a few higher ideas."  That got a nod.  "We might have to go to the other lab."

"I freaked the people out with my introduction to Miami," he said bluntly.  "It's better if they forget me."  He got into his car.  "If you can arrange it otherwise I'm all for it.  You have my cell number?"  Speed nodded.  "Then I'll either see you tomorrow at ten or whenever you want me?"

"Ten?"

"Bob said shift starts at ten.  Ten to seven with an hour lunch."

Speed hummed.  "That's a nice perk.  Sure.  I can do that.  Go play with the babies."  Xander smiled a gentle smile and nodded, starting his car so he could back out of his parking spot and head home.  Speed got onto his bike, heading to Horatio's house.  He frowned when he opened the door at the sound of his bike, waving him inside, leaving the door open.  He got off the bike and walked inside, closing it behind him.  "Can I bring the kid in to test him on the higher machines?  We've got the rejects after our last upgrade out there."

"Give it a few more months, Speed.  Let's let the others forget him."

"Sure.  I guess we can do that.  Why was he worried about kidnaping if he went clubbing?  I didn't think LA was that dangerous to techs."

"You didn't see the other site," he sighed, going to pull it up the same way Xander did.  He got into the demonic profile, letting him read it over.  "That's his profile by the people who he hunted and others."  He went into the kitchen.  "I'm warming up a frozen lasagna.  Want some?"

"Sure.  I'm hungry.  That lab's dusty and the first thing the kid asked me was if he could clean.  He stayed to clear up the few guns they had in backlog too."   He sat down at the computer desk, looking at the information.  "Wow.  High kill count."

"Probably not something he thinks about."

"Some people would dwell."

"Some people don't.  That makes them have different nightmares.  I'm sure his are from not saving someone or not being in the right place at the right time."  He pulled out the lasagna, putting it on top of the stove.  "It's done on top and frozen in the center, of course."

"Cover it with foil."  Horatio nodded, doing that and putting it back into the oven.  He kept reading.  He finally looked over.  "It lists 'clubbing problem'?"

"I found a 'contact the administrator' button and wrote him an email to clarify that.  Apparently people give him things in the club and want him so they take him now and then."

"Charming.  Like weapons?"

"Like money."  He came out to show him the email.  "That's from his last few months in LA.  He may or may not have been using it consciously to supplement a college student's limited income."  He gave him a squeeze to the injured shoulder. "How does it feel?"

"I'm still numb down part of my arm."  He read it over, then looked at him.  "I'm not going out with him, just in case."

"That's fine.  You'd probably draw the same sort of trouble."  He went back to check on it.  "How do you know if it's done?"

"Thermometer."

"I don't have one of those."

Speed sniffed. "Twenty more, Horatio."  He went back to rereading the profile, nodding finally.  He looked at Horatio.  "You weren't kidding about the t-shirts.  His today said

_my mommy said I can kill you_."

"Hmm.  I'm sure it'll get better sometime.  You can advise him in proper lab attire, Speed."

"Where do we see him going and do you want me to make him do double duty in trace?"

"He should get enough hours when he's clear in ballistics."

"Good point.  So, intern hours or full time hours?"

"Whatever you need him to do.  Is Bob going?"

"Yeah.  With Xander starting Monday and me coming in too it means he can take his wife on that cruise.  Finally."  He smirked and went back to the other site.  "Did they know about that?"

"I sent an email to Griffy, out in San Diego.  He sent back a groan and a story about Xander going out with a prostitute and her trying to take a lab tech hostage to get him back."

Speed shook his head.  "I'll help him pick out dogs."  He turned to look at his friend. "Unless we think a boyfriend would be better?  He did say he was bi."

"I'm not sure it wouldn't be the same thing.  Click on the button that says dating history."  He used the back button to get there, reading over it.  He finally shuddered.  "I'm not sure a boyfriend would be much different."

Speed just nodded.  "I can see him settling down with a few hyper, bouncy dogs somewhere upcountry that didn't have a whole lot of problems."

"The problem is that someone wanted him here to handle ours since Orlando is spilling over."

"Who did they get?"

"Someone from Cleveland came down to work at one of the MGM parks."  He sniffed at the stove.  "Are you sure that long?  It smells like it's burning."

"Your oven's set too high then."  Horatio looked at the box, then at the oven, groaning and turning it down.  "Take it out and put it into the microwave for a few minutes for the middle section."  He did that instead, remembering to take off the foil.  He looked at him again.  "Do we think he'll have problems retiring?"

"Mac said that retiring from something like that isn't really retiring, it's like laying in wait for the next bad thing to happen.  I'd be surprised if he wasn't out tonight taking some of the problems and emotions out on it."

"Could be.  He opened a bit but said he wasn't going to burden anyone but his journal."

"He brought a gun to the convention.  Calleigh was almost worried he was going to use it," he said more quietly, coming out.  "Them doing that to him did ruin his chances of most departments taking him.  Even if San Diego and LA want him back, would they be able to handle it?"

"What do we think is going to happen?"

"I think that there's going to be a few more deaths.  He seemed fairly certain of it."

"He told me he can't go back for the other funerals."

"I'm wondering if he really does know how to get to these higher powers who're over people like him.  When we found him he said he knew how to get to them."

"Can they be blown up?"

"I don't know but Xander's got the skills to do it if they can."  He looked at him.  "That's what I'm worried about.  The snap and the twang of the tension afterward."

"He'll make it through.  He's lived through a lot."

"He told me he's messed up their plans time and again," Horatio said quietly, tapping the table.  "He's not sure why they didn't take him into account, especially after the first time, but he said he's messed up so many prophecies it's not funny.  That if he ever had children they'd be taking out the old order and setting in the new one."

"As long as there's people in Cleveland doing what they're doing I'm doubting it'll ever be fully out of place.  Is the group in LA the old order?"

"Not from what he's said.  Then again he hasn't said much.  I'll try to get him to talk.  It could help him."

The microwave went off.  "It's done."  Horatio went to plate things while he thought about his new intern.  "What did Calleigh want to do?"

"Hug and cuddle the boy, introduce him to Alexx so she can mother him too."

"Calleigh's not usually the fussy one," he said, starting to frown.

"She thinks he needs one.  I doubt Alexx would understand his love of guns or all the artillery in his apartment."

"He does?"

"Oh yes.  I have oversight."

"Good.  Hopefully it'll be enough."

"He won't use it, Speed.  They're his babies.  I have this feeling using them is like one dying to him."  He brought out plates then sat down.  "Get whatever you want to drink."  Speed got up to get himself something to drink, bringing back a beer.  Horatio got his own and they ate dinner, talking quietly about the new intern candidates.  There was another one in trace but he wasn't going to handle them until he got cleared back to the original lab.

***

Xander walked in the next Monday, looking around.  Then he walked into trace and shut the door.  "The next time you talk about my babies, do it somewhere there's not a listening sort of bug.  Please?  Stetler thinks Horatio was lied to."  He walked out, going over to ballistics to see what he had.  He only had a few bullets so he settled in to run them and do his reports.

Speed called Horatio.  "Has Stetler pounced you yet?  He pounced Xander over his babies.  That's what he said.  He probably thinks you were lied to."  He nodded, hanging up. "Thanks for the warning, Xander.  Get in here when you're clear."

"After I clean too!" he called.

"Sure, I can wait that long.  It needs it.  The last guy had GSR everywhere in there."  He went back to cleaning his own lab.  He was not going to put up with the dust or the grime on some of the walls.  Though a few he did save samples of so they could see what it was and so Xander could run them.   Xander didn't come over within two hours so he went to see.  He was scrubbing everything in his lab.  "That's been soaked in for years, Xander."

"I don't care!  It's nasty!  I will not work in this filth.  I'm sorry but I'm cleaning shit."  He got back to work, spraying the section again and then the scrubbing pad to get back to work.  He slowly inched over, smiling when that whole counter was finally clean.  He did a clean water rinse too and then went to clean the windows he had in there.   He squeezed the lemons by hand too.  He didn't care if there was pulp, they were going to be clean.

"I thought you were supposed to use vinegar."

"The citrus will help keep out the bugs from what I saw online."  He got to work, smiling when the crud on the glass came off and he had *windows*.   "I'll get shades tonight."  He kept going, climbing up on a chair to get the top pane.  Then down and the other one, then onto the same chair to get the top.  Then down to do the shiny surfaces.  He finished by mopping.  Over and over until all the grime came up, then a final rinse wash with clean water.  Xander backed himself out of the lab with that one, closing the door and taking his soda from his inbox, going to trace.  He put it in the inbox out there, handing Speed the sample that had appeared.  "Yours I believe."

"Try yours.  I want to watch you work, Xander."  He nodded, getting to work on the samples he had laid out.  "Only one has a case number, worry about a report on that one.  The others are samples I took from in here."

"Then someone's really gross."  He handed it over. "The one from the wall was a fecal sample."  He got back to work, letting Speed shudder.  "Want the mop and bucket?"

"Yeah, I'll get it in a few."  He watched him work, turning on the radio since he was humming.  He got a bright grin and the boy danced while he worked, just his hips.  "I got into your profile on that one sight."

"Now you know why I shouldn't club but now and then I can't resist the lure of going out to get some."

"Yeah, I can.  Did you know about the pro that took a hostage?"

"Yeah, I talked her down and pointed out why I wasn't good for her.  Including the fact that she'd have to give up her career for mine.  She didn't like that and pouted all the way into her cell.  She probably joined my ex and my former fellow classmate in the mental home."  He handed over another report.  "Same fecal material.  Can we do a DNA test on it?"

"You think there is any?"

"Shed cells."

"I'll see if we can try.  How are you in there?"

"Baseline.  Same as I am in fingerprints."

"That's actually reasonable.  How did you take fieldwork classes with your eye?"

"I told them I had it and asked them to train me so I could go without it.  I lost it before I moved to LA.  That's why I got left in LA.  They decided that made me useless for a while."

"I think it makes you rare.  Most guys would've went on disability for a while."

Xander gave him a manic grin.  "They said I'm too sane."  He let out a cackle and got back to work once Speed had shaken his head and laughed.  He looked at his newest result.  "Huh.  Demon blood."  He handed that over.  "A few are in the classification tables.  They got run into on scenes and someone had a clue."  He handed over another.  "I can tell you that one's quicksilver without running it."  He kept going.  Speed put it back down.  "You sure?"

"I am."  He nodded, working on that one next.  It came out as he said, letting him hand it over once he had marked it on the box.   Someone leaned in.  "Hey, Gerald.  Speed, this is Gerald, he's the AV tech here."

"Hey," he said, waving a hand.  "I'm in charge while Bob's gone."

"Of course you are.  You're Horatio's bitch," he said dryly.  "Why is the mop in the hall?"

"I'm getting ready to mop in here.  He got done with ballistics."

"You mop?" he sneered at Xander.

Xander looked at him.  "Did you see how filthy that place was?"  That got a shrug.  "I *am* the bitch of protocol in my lab.  There's no way I'm going to allow my lab to be that nasty and gross.  It could compromise something.  Like the fecal samples he found in here could have."  That got a shudder.  "So, no, we're cleaning today.  Why?  Need it for yours?"

"No thanks.  Get it out of the hall, Harris.  It's a hazard."

"Going to dump it and refill it for him in a minute," he promised, getting back to work on that last sample.  Then he took it outside to dump in the grass while he finished his soda.  He wheeled it back inside, handing it to Speed.  "Hose in the locker room."

"Thanks, kid."  He went to refill it, walking it back to his lab with a wave for the receptionist.  "Horatio would throw fits if our lab looked like this."  She whimpered.  "Yes, I am Horatio's second-in-command.  We'll be living on the Horatio Caine standard while I'm here.  Am I clear?"  She nodded. "Good.  Though I don't personally care about t- shirts as long as you're not in the field.  I'll tell the others."  He walked back there to mop, smiling when the floor didn't turn out that bad.  Xander came in and poured something, using the mop to swish it around. It removed the grimy wax and that was better.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  He went to check on his floor, finding it still damp in places.  "Need me more or can I clean the exemplar?  It's pitiful."

"Go ahead," he called.  He poured more of the bottle on the floor and got back to work.  "I should write someone up," he muttered.  "But I hate paperwork."   He suddenly smirked.  "Let's do an inspection by someone," he decided, texting that to a number he had looked up for a report one time.  He got back a 'how did you get my text id' so he sent back who he was and why.   He went back to cleaning his floor.  Stetler stomped in thirty minutes later.  "I'm taking up my wax," he admitted.  "Harris is cleaning his exemplar.  It took him three hours to get it as clean as it is."  He waved a hand at the gathered samples.  "I had to do a check on what some of it was to test him in trace."  That got a groan and he too them to look over.  "Have fun with that."

"His artillery?" he demanded, staring him down.

"Why do you think I've been over to his place?  I'm not dating him and I've only known him since Thursday."  He snorted and got back to the last corner, looking at his floor.  "Much better," he decided, going to empty out that water and run clean to come back and clean the floor for real this time.  "Four hours of cleaning later," he quipped dryly when Xander came back.

"I know.  It's amazing.  My counters are gray, not black."  He pointed.  "The Internal Affairs guy is here?"

Speed smirked.  "I live by the Horatio standard."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "I'm a protocol bitch."  He went back to his lab, and his exemplar cleaning.  Stetler walked in, shutting the door.  "My soda's in the inbox before you nag."

"What are you doing?"

"Hasn't been cleaned recently," he said.  "This is like meditation for me."  He put that one back together and back into its spot, going to the next one.  "Why?  Wanted to help?"

"I want you to teach Speedle and drill him in that skill."

"Why?"  He looked at him.  "Is there some doubt?"

"Yes."

"Can't Horatio?  They're friends.  I don't want to seem like I'm overstepping my boundaries since he's my minor's oversight person."

"What artillery?" he countered.

Xander looked at him then rolled his chair over to his computer, logging onto the internet to find that site again.  He let him see it.  "That should answer any and all questions that remain, Stetler.  They're like my babies.  It's not like I'm going to use them or sell them."  He got back to his cleaning, humming quietly with the radio he had on.  Stetler looked at him when he was done.  "You did click on the 'dating history' button, right?" he asked without looking up.  He heard the mouse click and a groan.  "Before I started today I needed all my minor hours for my internship and six-hundred-sixty for my major," he said quietly, putting that gun back together again and putting it up.  He looked to face him.  "I'm a damn good tech and I wanted to retire from that.  That got in the way of me being hired normally."

"PTSD?"

"Not that you'll ever see.  None of it's daytime blackouts.  Nightmares when I can sleep."

"That hinders your job."

"I've never slept, Stetler.  Before that was alcoholic parents.  I'll settle in some small lab somewhere and raise a few dogs.  Can we learn to get along?"

"Your artillery?"

"Safe.  I pet everything and clean all my guns once a week."  That got a nod and a stare.  "Unless I have to come out of retirement to handle something or I get another vision of something coming, they're my babies."

"Fine.  Horatio has oversight?"  Xander nodded.  "How are you hiding them?"

"Magic."  He walked off moaning.  "Sorry.  Like my cleaning job?"

"Much better than a few."  He looked in Trace.  "I want him evaluated for PTSD."

Speed looked at him.  "I know almost nothing except what I've read.  If he wants to talk about it, I'm sure he's got people he can do that to and I've offered for him to talk to me if he wants to.  I know Horatio has.  What department shrink do you think is going to help him?"

"Point," he said grimly.  "You'll handle it?"

"Of course.  He's very competent and he's not a danger to others, Stetler.  I called you down here because I found samples on the walls I had to test to identify and they came up someone's shit."  That got a nod.  "He suggested trying for DNA."

"I'll have Valera test it and tell Caine.  Why not call him?"

"And get his temper down on them?"  He snorted.  "Yeah.  I run on the Horatio standard, only I dress down more often.  Out.  Go away."

"Fine."  He walked off, going to file those reports.  A few of the accessory labs were still filthy.  He was sure they'd be cleaned by someone soon.  The boy seemed a bit anal about his cleaning.  Or Caine would browbeat Speedle into doing it.  He walked into Horatio's office twenty minutes later, handing him the reports on the substances.  "Speedle found those on the walls."

He looked at them then at him.  "Bob's already on the cruise?"

"They've spent the morning cleaning."

"With this I'm not surprised," he admitted.  He put the reports down.  "Anything else?"

He closed the door and came back.  "Harris admitted he has PTSD."

"I'd suppose it was probably a problem he's had for years, Rick.  I've offered him the chance to talk to me if he needs to."

That got a nod.  "Good.  He spent four hours to get ballistics looking semi-decent.  Are their counters gray naturally?"

"Off-white. What color were they?"

"He joked they were gray instead of black."

Horatio sighed.  "Speed will fix that.  He knows the standards I set and he lives them."

"Good.  Make sure of it.  Harris is still your lab's intern."  He glanced at the doorway then at him.  "Did you see things about his clubbing habits?"

"Now and then it happens that he's gifted from what I was told.  Or kidnaped on occasion."

"Wonderful," he said flatly.  "I'll let you handle that.  Bob's on vacation.  I'm having Valera run the fecal for DNA."  He walked off with the swabs, taking them to her.  "We found those on a lab wall.  See if there's DNA.  I want a report on which lab tech it was."

"Ours?" she demanded, grimacing at the listing of what it was.

"The satellite lab.  Speedle's there until he's cleared and he's handling a gifted intern."

"I heard Calleigh got three and I only got one."

"Harris is halfway through with his, Valera.  Just run the damn samples so I know who to yell at."  He walked off.

"Yes, Captain Blye," she said dryly, doing it then to get it off her counter.  She handed them to Horatio before she went home.  "Here, for the pain in your ass."  She smiled.  "How's Speed?"

"Good.  He's spent today cleaning apparently."

"Not that I blame with what he found on the walls, Horatio."  She walked off, waving over her shoulder.  "I'm off."

"Have a good night."  He looked at the reports then went to hand them to Rick on his way over there.  He found Xander finishing the exemplar cabinet.  He checked his inbox, smiling at the soda.  "Good place for it."

"Thank you."  He looked up, putting that last gun back together again.  "Look, it's clean."

"The counters were originally off-white and the stuff on the windows was to cover up the sun."

"I'll buy shades and something to bleach them tomorrow."  He grinned.  "Did she get my reports?"

He nodded.  "She's already proofed them and sent them on after looking at your samples in the system, Xander.  She said it was what she expected of you."  He preened.  "Speed?"  He leaned in.  "Calleigh is getting his reports.  She proofed them over lunch."  He looked at him.  "I gave Rick the reports from DNA.  Someone's going to have a reprimand."

"H, come see," he said, leading him to the layout room.  "This is layout.  It's about our only work area.  Xander's looked like this when he got here."

"He's done an amazing job so far," he agreed, smiling at them both.  "Is that what I think it is on the wall?"

"Yeah, like it was in trace and chem.  I'm sorry but if I have to scrub this place, it's going to live up to OCD standards and everyone here will be cleaning.  Gerald?"  He came out of his lab.  "Are you clean in there?"

"Mostly.  My trashcan needs taken out.  I am OCD."  He looked in the layout room then at them, smirking.  "I use the all natural orange stuff."

"I use industrial strength stuff," Xander admitted, staring in horror.  "That's my job tomorrow.  Let me stop at a hardware store, guys."  That got a nod.  "I'll get more wax stripper too."  That got another nod.  He looked at Horatio.  "We need a new mop too.  Should I buy one and then fill out the forms?"

"I'll get maintenance to get whatever you need," he promised.  Xander pulled out some paper and made a list for him, handing it over.  "By brand name?"

"Yup.  What we used on the construction site and to clean up after a battle.  All but the last one can be found anywhere.  That one's special order probably if they don't have it.  It's got an online address if they look it up or Lowes carries it."

He nodded, making that note.  He unclicked his pen, putting it back into his pocket.  "I'll drop this off tonight."  He took a picture and walked off, smiling.  "You two did good work today.  Let me know when you're up to fully clean so I can start sending things back this way."

"You can forward ballistics back," Xander told him.  "It's not that much and I'm clean enough until I scrub, Horatio.  I'll have it surgical in there soon but it won't matter in most things."  That got a nod and he walked out.  He looked at Speed.  "Do you want to rewax things?"

"Not really.  I hate the buffer machine."

"Not my biggest joy either," he admitted, going back to his lab.  He came out without his jacket and his sunglasses on but nearly hanging off his nose.  "Want to watch me order dinner?"

"Sure."  He went to clock out.  "You did use the timeclock, right?"

"Yeah, I got the HR tutorial when I went to get my ID badge."  He looked in AV.  "Hey, Gerald, if you want to use what I do to clean, you're more than welcome to bum some."  That got a nod and a wave.  "Want us to buff in here too?"

"Could use it.  It's in the closet."

"Okay, that'll probably be the end of the week."

"Sure."

"Happy soaps, man."  He walked out, following Speed outside.  He took a breath of fresh air.  "Ah."  He grinned at him.  "I'm on Hacienda."

"You live where?"

"112 Hacienda." Speed shuddered. "It's an okay building.  He knows I'm a lab tech so he knows I'm not going to cause trouble."  He grinned as he got into his car, pushing his sunglasses back up his nose so he could drive and not be blinded.

Speed climbed onto his racing bike and headed after him, reminding himself he had an alarm on it.  No one was going to touch his bike.  When he got there Xander put something around his handlebars, earning a funny look.

"Magical alarms.  It'll electroshock anyone who touches your bike that's not me."  He grinned.  "I know I live in a low rent neighborhood, Speed."  He let him up to his apartment, letting him inside.

"Is there another apartment on your other side?" he asked, staring at one wall.  "There was a window there."

"It's behind the artillery."

"Oh."  He just nodded and went to finish looking around.  He came out.  "What's with the CIA briefcase system?"

"Wes sent me some money when he moved me down here."  He looked up from his menu gathering.  "Want Chinese, Thai, Japanese, Southern comfort, duck, fried chicken and fixings, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, calzones, Russian, Chinese, or pizza?"

Speed blinked.  "You really can't cook, can you?"

"Nope, like I said, I'm poisonous in the kitchen.  I was impressed when it didn't carry over to chem."  He grinned.  "Or there's two frozen pizzas and a bag of chicken wings that you only have to heat up."

"Beer?"

"Alchie parents."

"Reasonable.  Pizza?"  Xander nodded, letting him see those.  "Which one do you like best?"  He pushed one closer.  "That's the expensive one."

"The chef's from Italy.  He makes real pizza and american pizza.  Plus I cleaned the sprites out of their kitchen so I get a discount.  My treat, don't worry about the price."

"As long as it's got mushrooms I'm good with it.  Organic?"

"Yeah, they are."  He grinned and dialed, smiling when the female voice answered.  "Hi, it's Xander Harris...."  Her 'it's that young guy who can't cook again' call made him smile.  "Yup, me.  I need two specials with the organic mushrooms.  Yeah that one.  And I need one of those flat ones with the crispier crust with the 'shrooms and cheese too please."  He nodded.  "I can do that.  Yes, I'll either have better change or she can have the rest as a tip," he promised.  "Sorry about that last time."  He smiled.  "That'll be fine.  I'm at home and I've got a work friend in."  He hung up.  "Twenty minutes."  He bounced over.  "I've got soda, milk, juice, coffee but it's ancient from this morning, and tea bags.  It's a bad habit Giles made me start for him."

"You've about stocked all the necessities."

"I'd offer you blood if you were goth but I don't take you as that sort."

"No, I'm not really."  He gave him an odd look.  "Did you have to do that?"

"Yeah, when we had Spike back in Sunnydale I got to vamp-sit a few times.  So I kept some in the freezer for him so he wouldn't ask for a nibble.  Though he did like to pour it in my cereal and drink it that way, which was very disgusting.  He did it a few times in LA and Angel banished him from his sight when he added cocoa pebbles.  I told him it was a chocolate sacrilege but he laughed."  His phone rang.  "House 'o Xander guns.  What's your caliber?"  He listened.  "Gunn, my suggestion is still the same," he said, slipping back into serious mode.  "There's thirty girls in Cleveland, it's their job too.  Tell Buffy how romantic it is.  She can die with the love of her life who she can't have sex with or he'll lose his soul again.  Or hey, unsoul him and let him attack then."  He shrugged.  "It's an 'end of the world' event, Gunn.  They'll pout if you don't let them help. You know that."  He listened.

"No, I'm in Miami getting ready to have dinner with a new coworker named Tim.  Why?  No, not a date," he said patiently, cracking Speed up. "I only met him Thursday and because he's heard of what I did with you guys he'd never date me."  He quirked up an eyebrow. "You don't want to get into that discussion, Gunn.  You really don't.  Gee, I don't know.  Let me do something to you that'll take away any chances you have of ever finding a job in your field and then make fun of you and tell you it was necessary.  Like I said, you didn't want to go there.  Anything else?  I've got to gather money for pizza."  He nodded slowly.  "Why did Wes put me in his will?  Before or after he sent me down here and tried to ruin my life and career?  Gunn, you nearly lost me that day in a permanent manner.  Are you getting the clue?"

He smirked.  "Good!  Now, why would I care?"  He gaped.  "Afterward.  Uh-huh.  Salving his guilt?"  He just nodded. "Whatever.  Send it here.  I'm still in the same place.  What did he leave me and where did those briefcases come from?"  He blinked.  "I didn't know I made that sort of cash clubbing but thank you.  I suppose."  Someone knocked.  "The pizzas are early.  Call back in a few hours after you call Cleveland. Yeah, I'll be here.  Sure."  He hung up, standing up.  "Give me a second."  He pulled out his wallet and opened the door, looking at Horatio.  "Good thing I ordered extra.  Come on in."  He got out of the way, counting the cash in his wallet, heading back to the bedroom and coming out with the cash he needed.  She'd get a good tip this time he guessed.  He took the food and handed it over.  "The rest is a tip.  I thought I had broken more."  She smirked and walked off, heading back to her car.  He closed the door and put the food on the table, getting them plates.  "Come eat, guys.  Get drinks from the fridge."  He sat down with his, looking at his bosses.  "What's up?"

Horatio put down a form.  "You're not the only person with your clubbing problem in Miami, Xander.  Stetler said to fill that out whenever you go out.  I'd need to see whatever you got to verify it and then it's yours."

"LA made me put anything jewelry in Lost and Found for thirty days."

"If you want to, that's up to you," he said, watching Speed go check out the pizzas.  "Talking?"

"Letting him get to know the me that's not in the lab.  I'm slightly more serious in there."  His phone rang.  "Yup?" he answered, listening.  "I'm still here.  Yeah, that's me.  Why?"  He nodded once.  "Aim for the bed, not the table. It's got food on it.  No, I ordered pizza," he sighed.  "Thanks for checking to make sure I wasn't going to poison my coworkers, Connor.  Yes I'm sure I ordered and if you come through too you can snatch a piece."  He hung up, shaking his head.  "Wesley apparently left me something."  He dialed another number.  "Kimberly, Xander.  Do not say my name out loud.  Tell Buffy that Angel's going to die by the Powers' orders in the last 'century' battle.   If she's there, there's a good chance he won't.  Angel's stubborn.  That's why I got shoved to Miami without warning and they nearly ruined my life for me.  Sure.  Welcome."  She hung up and so did he.  "Sorry, stubborn bastards I used to work with are afraid of backup.  Get food.  You can get to know me as more than my crisis personality too."

"MPD?" Speed asked.

"No, but did the guys joke about that before you went to Miami-Dade?"

"Now and then," Speed admitted dryly, sitting down to eat.  He moaned.  "Oh, this guy's good.  I've got to remember this one."  Xander got him the menu, earning a smile.  "Thanks, kiddo."

"Welcome, Speed.  Horatio, don't make me nag.  It's an underused skill.  It's rusty. You might need a tetanus shot."

"I'm heading out on a date, Xander.  Don't worry about me.  I have gotten your supplies and I dropped them off in ballistics for you to use them tomorrow.  Including a better mop.  You'll let me know if you need anything else?"

"Sure.  I'll give the list to Speed and he can give it to you at a time when it'll make you not- growly."  He ate another bite, getting another smile.

"Good.  Thank you.  Have a good night, boys."  He headed out, heading to his date.

"Did he lie?"

"No, he did have a date.  He's casually seeing some lawyer."

"I bet his boyfriend's cute."

Speed choked, shaking his head.  "Straight," he croaked.  Xander patted him on the back until he calmed down.  "He's straight, Xander.  Sorry if that was a fantasy or something."

"I don't date at the office.  It leads to bad things when they snap and go psycho."  He ate another bite, smiling at him.  "What?" he asked at the odd look.

"I'm going to tattoo a hazardous to your mental health warning on your forehead.  You're worse than Eric is."  He ate another bite, savoring it.  It was the good stuff, it was great pizza.  He went to see what the other thing was.  It was pizza without the sauce on a thinner, crispier crust.  He got a piece of that too and it was just as good.  A younger, light brunette guy came out of the bedroom dragging two trunks, which he dropped.  Then he grabbed a slice of pizza and walked off.  Speed saw him walk through and drop something on the bed then bring something out to Xander.

"Signing stuff?"

"A Wes-planation."

"Does that mean it's in Latin?"  Connor nodded.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Gunn wanted to know if you were mad at him too."

"I don't know yet," he admitted.  He looked up at him.  "I'm not sure how mad I am at everyone.  This was the second time I got betrayed by my friends.  I should be mad enough to scream at everyone involved, even if they weren't involved."

"Understandable.  Remember, Wes tried to save me too and it didn't quite work out like that.  You and him, a lot alike in that doing what they feel is necessary stuff."

"Which is why your stepmom's coming."

"Aw, crap," he muttered.  "I left the cash in there.  Someone sent you a check at work.  She wants you to come back and talk more poodle grooming with her.  I'm pretending it's about sex so I don't have to go there mentally."  He walked off.  "Gunn said Wes left you everything.  If you buy a sports car he'll laugh."

"Thanks for the warning."  He put the explanation aside once the portal was closed.  "Angel's son."

"How does an old vampire have a son?"

"Screwing by the old Wolfram and Hart out there.  They gave Angel the LA branch out there when what they did started the world going to hell, literally.  He was raised off-realm by some vampire hunter psycho who taught him to hate Angel."  He ate another bite.  "He really does not understand girls.  Cordelia tried while she was around but oh well.  He'll figure it out when he gets snared by one."

"Did you ever live a normal life?"

"Before tenth grade.  That was a long time ago."  He looked at him.  "Let's move to happier topics, okay?"

"Poodle grooming?"

"Yeah, she kidnaped me.  She made me help her groom and trim her three dyed pink poodles.  Apparently that was her version of foreplay.  Didn't do a thing for me."  Speed choked again.  "Quit trying to inhale the solid stuff.  Otherwise Horatio will have to come oversee me and it'll get him messy.  His suits will get all messed up from the grime in the halls.  His lawyer friend would pout at me.  Then I'd be banished to work somewhere even worse, like a federal lab.  Or Utah's state lab with all the uptight Mormons who'd hate me and my future dogs.  But hey, I could date out there and they'd see it was God's plan.  I guess."  He frowned a bit but Speed covered his mouth, shaking his head.

"No, you're probably staying in Miami, Xander.  We'll try to figure out this clubbing thing of yours and set you up with people who won't go bad."

"The last setup I had was a really nice officer.  I didn't hold it against her at all when she tried to stalk me and nearly stabbed Wesley to get to me when he was trying to find me."

"Then we'll set you up with some nice guys, just don't babble like that at me.  My brain doesn't work that fast."  Xander shrugged and nodded.  "Thanks."  He nudged him with his hand.  "Babble at Calleigh.  She understands babble."

"I babbled about my newest gun my last day of that trial.  She squealed and hugged me because I got it," he said proudly.  "By the way, Stetler said I'm to drill you in cleaning your gun and run sims?"

"I've learned my lesson.  Really I have."

Xander gave him a shoulder nudge back.  "Bring it to me.  I like to clean guns.  It's meditation for me."  That got a smile and a nod.  "I do all mine once a week."

"How many do you have?"  Xander got up to get the binder, handing it to him.  He flipped through it slowly.  "We don't have some of these in our exemplar," he complained.

"I figured I'd need a comparison sample some day."

"I can see that."  He put it down, looking at him.  "Does the ATF have you registered on a  list?"

"No, they ignore me."

"Were you dating one of them?"

"Uh-uh.  Wish demon."  He finished that slice, getting up to get more.  "Ready for more?"

"Sure, give me a piece of the flat stuff."  He got handed one and Xander sat back down with his and a new soda.  "You really do live on caffeine."

"I learned how in college.  It used to make me bouncy.  Chocolate still does."

"I'll keep that in mind," he promised, nibbling on his pizza.  "Like sports?"

"Gymnastics.  Swimming.  Diving."

"Football, basketball, soccer?"

"Gay sex in teams?"  Speed choked again.  "Speed!"

Someone pounded on the door.  "Quit trying to make him take it all at once!  I'm tired of hearing him choke!" the landlord yelled.

"We were talking about sports.  Sorry!"  He helped him breathe, helping him calm down.   The landlord stomped off.  "I don't know why he thought we're having sex.  I don't take Horatio as your pimp."

Speed got up to choke in the bathroom so he could finally breathe again.   That forehead tattoo was looking more and more necessary all the time.

***

Speed knocked on his buddy's door, looking at him. "Speed," he said smugly.  "I heard H has you on special assignment with some tech that he wants to hide from the rest of us."  He let him inside.  "What's wrong?"

"He's toxic in the kitchen, he's a gun nutjob sort, he dates worse than you, he's turned a stripper into a serial killer by dating her, he thinks football is like gay sex in teams, basketball cheerleaders look like hookers to him, he's not adverse to hookers, we've got to figure out why people pay and kidnap him when he goes clubbing, we need to set him up with someone nice who'll cook for him and make sure he's taken back, he thought H was gay and it was cute, and he's got a major and two minor fields.  We spent the day cleaning and I spent three hours talking to him just now," he said, nearly babbling to get it all out of his head.

"So that's Calleigh's third tech?" he guessed.  "Beer?"

"Please.  He doesn't drink."

"At all?"

"Parents."

"Never mind."  He got him a beer, sitting down with him.  "Tell me more."

"We need Calleigh for this one.  He needs set up desperately."

"How did he turn a stripper into a serial killer?"

"I wanted to kill his friends.  Of course she did after longer exposure."

He gave him a look.  "Is this the same guy who appeared in the storage closet?"  Speed nodded, opening his beer to take a long drink.  Eric laughed.  "No wonder they're hiding him."

"He's half done with his ballistics internship.  He's running ballistics at the satellite lab and I'm overseeing his minor internship for trace and field work."

"Define toxic?"

"Not even he can eat all of his own cooking.  He's sent a whole college department to the hospital with food poisoning from a brownie he made for a bake sale at school.  It was mix stuff you only have to add water and stir."  That got a shudder.  "He called his stack of menus Mom, Eric.  He identified some of them by the only good things on the menu."  He took another long drink.  "He made me choke four different times.  I'm going to have to tattoo a warning on his head but we've got to get him set up with someone decent."

"New kid?"

"Is he gay?"

"Not real sure," Eric admitted. "He's quiet and annoying."

"Quiet and annoying doesn't mean gay."

"It's a start.  Maybe he knows someone.  I don't.  What about girls?"

"He turned a stripper into a serial killer."

"Never mind."

"He rented a pro and she took a hostage to get him back."

"Does he give lessons?  I'll stop before I get there."  Speed swatted at him.  "What?  That's got to be a gift."

"It's a curse."  He relaxed finally.  "He's a good kid, a nice guy.  I'd hang with him even though he does like his guns a bit too much."

"How too much?"

"He's got a fake wall of artillery cases," he said, looking at him again.  "His exemplar at home is larger than Cal's at the office."  Eric gaped.  "They're his babies.  H has oversight before you ask. Think your mother knows anyone?"

"My mother's not that fond of gay boys."

"Even your mother would see it'd be better if he never dated another woman ever again."

Eric snickered. "It can't be that bad."

"You've heard about that guy in the translator corps?  The one with the problem when he goes out to club?"  Eric smirked but nodded.  "So does Xander."

"That's another gift I wouldn't mind."

"The boy's been kidnaped repeatedly, Eric.  Yes you would.  If not, we would mind for you."  He finished his beer, putting down the can, tipping his head back.  "Your mother would fuss over him.  He's skinny, he can't cook.  He lives on takeout.  He wants to raise dogs.  He's a nice guy, who probably loves to cuddle, and he's a sweet guy until someone threatens what's his.  Someone described him in that mood as Satan on crack and acid."  Eric snickered.  "I doubt they were kidding.  It was his ex."

"He's had more than one?"

"A few who tried to kill him, one cheerleader that was the Queen of Snark, made me look like an apprentice apparently, and a former demon who turned into a nympho ho who wanted paid according to him.  Then the stripper."

"No wonder he's willing to switch sides."

"Which is why you've got to cough up some numbers."  Eric gave him an amused look.  "Not like I've dated half the city.  It's you or one of the detectives.  Oh, we've got to get him straightened out about sports before he meets any of the detectives.  He was raised by some warping girls."

"Introducing him to Alexx?"

"She hates strange things and she'd never fuss over me again if I did.  She'd be focused on making the new son normal."

"Then you'd pout."  Speed gave him a look.  "How is he in the lab?"

"Focused, fast, sometimes a bit too quicky and zippy.  I made him slow down a few times today.  Then we cleaned.  We found fecal samples on a wall."  Eric shuddered.  "Ballistics was gothic with all the GSR laying around.  All it needed was black lights."  That got a deeper shudder.  "Layout still has to be cleaned.  Remember those old off-white tables we had?"  He nodded slowly.  "They got moved over there.  They're now various shades of brown, gray, and black."

"Eww.  No wonder Stetler came in to write you guys up."

"Hell, I called him!" he said.  "We cleaned for four hours earlier and we've still got some more stuff coming from H tomorrow to do it better.  Xander took lunch to get some scrubbing pads.  His lab's went from black to light gray after three hours of scrubbing and then mopping.  I told H earlier I wasn't going to work in that filth when he came to see.  He wouldn't even step into layout because we hadn't touched it yet.  Bob's in for a bad shock when he comes back."

"Valera said he had found those samples in a lab."

"Yeah, my lab.  It was so nasty."

Eric gave him a shoulder squeeze.  "You'll fix it up to Horatio's standards and then he'll make sure it stays that way.  Is he OCD?"

"No, just meticulous.  He calls himself the protocol bitch."  Eric snickered.  "Called himself the ballistics princess too.  His classmates gave him that name.  He even showed me the tiara."

"Then maybe Calleigh will have to settle who's queen."

"I doubt it.  She gets him perfectly.  Squealed with him when he got a new gun."  He shook his head.  "I'm going to introduce him to your mom so she has someone to fuss over.  That way she can nag him about dating."

"Don't do that to her," he complained. "I won't get fussed over.  Introduce him to Alexx and warn her he's never had a mother."

"He does, it's his stack of menus," he said dryly.

"It'll give her a reason to make more cookies or fudge," Eric offered.

"Might be nice," he said, thinking about it.  "I'll talk to her and Calleigh tomorrow before shift.  We don't start until ten."

"Cherry assignment," he said dryly.

"He's only getting about ten guns a week so I'll have plenty of time to watch him work in Trace."

"I heard he had field work as his minor."

"His second one," Speed told him.  "He said after the mandatory ones it was only three more classes."

"Good for him," Eric said with a smile.  "Want to call Calleigh?"

"She's got her hands full with two snot-nosed brats.  Xander was ten minutes early, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, cleaned his lab without nagging, did his exemplar fully, took notes on any issues he had, and helped me clean mine with the mopping stuff.  He's our age and he used to lead his crew when he was in construction.  He's not going to be slacking off for playtime."  He shifted some.  "Get this, he asked questions, relevant, intelligent questions.  From an intern."

Eric snickered.  "I've had one do that."

"Out of how many?  The only time Xander wasn't so relevant he was trying to make me laugh.  He was suggesting we make smoke bombs to get whoever had messed up the lab so badly."

"Sounds like a cherry assignment to me," Eric teased.

"Only until I heal.  He's only got twenty-five weeks of work total, splitting it.  Six-sixty left in ballistics, a half for a minor is seven hundred hours."

"So six months out there," Eric agreed.  "Then what?"

"I haven't asked that question yet."  He looked at him.  "You'd like the kid.  Even with the strange stuff you'd like the kid.  He used a rapier earlier to stab a mouse.  Killed it instantly too.  Hunted it for a few seconds before stabbing it and then tossed it outside, came back in to clean his blade immediately."

"So the kid's Super Intern Man," he joked.  "Word's still gotten around."

"I heard.  I got asked by the guy who stopped me to give me a speeding ticket.  He only wanted to talk about him.  If he's not staying we need to help him find a decent department somewhere and take him to the pound."

"I'm sure we'll work it out," he said.  "Isn't it usually me panicking and you calming me down?"

"I think his hyperactivity is contagious.  The weekend Calleigh worked with him she came home bouncier too.  How are her interns?"

"Interns," he said blandly, giving him a look.  Speed shuddered.  "One came in hung over to celebrate her first day.  One came in and twitched all day.  I'm starting to wonder if he's got a twitching disease.  His hand's constantly going for the gun he's not wearing too.  Made Horatio stare at him for almost an hour from the walkway.  Every time someone walked past him he reached for the gun he's not wearing."

"Xander said he thought he was hiding something."

"Maybe.  It was really that dirty?"

"Oh yeah.  Ballistics hadn't been used in a few weeks.  Not since Cal fired that one guy for being an asshole."

"Then maybe he'll be some lab's chief someday."

"We might need him to stay here."

"Well, that lab could use a tech," he noted dryly.

"True."  He relaxed again.  "He thought H was gay."  Eric snickered.  "Said his boyfriend was probably cute."

"I'll have to tell him that tomorrow."

"Don't mess it up for him, Eric."

"You'd taunt him too.  He's warped you already."

"Stetler ordered him to do random gun checks."

"Him and me both, buddy.  Speaking of?"  Speed groaned, handing it over.  He looked at it then handed it back.  "It's nearly spotless."

"Xander cleans guns as his meditation.  I let him do mine earlier."

"He missed a spot."

"No, that was road grit.  There's dirt blowing tonight."

"Ah."  He gave him another pat.  "Want another beer?"

"Sure.  I'll nap on the couch and head home to change in the morning."  Eric went to get him another beer, bringing out his own at the same time.  "No date tonight?"

"No, no date tonight.  She canceled."

"Xander had one that kidnaped him who made him groom her poodles with her as foreplay."  Eric spluttered, choking on his drink.  Speed nodded.  "He said it didn't do anything for him.  That and the comment about football being like gay sex in teams made me choke too.  His landlord came up to complain and tell him not to make me take it all at once next time."

"We'll protect you, Speed.  I promise we will."

"Thanks, buddy.  Knew I could count on you."

"Welcome, man.  Go in snarky tomorrow."

"Your couch does give me neck aches."

They shared a smirk.  Let's see what the newbie could handle.

***

Horatio came back a week later, finding everything spotless in the lab.  He smiled at Speed.  "How is it going?"

"We're keeping him," he said bluntly.  "I don't care what sort of demon we have to summon to Miami so we can keep him, we're keeping him."  Xander leaned in, giving him an odd look.  "You're staying.  You're the first good tech we've hired in years."

"We do have Miss Boa Vista," he offered.  Speed snickered, shaking his head.  "She is good."

"She's sleeping with Eric, H."

"Half the department has," he pointed out gently.  "You can come in, Xander."

"No I can't.  I've got a sample out.  I'll be back in a second."  He went back to it, finishing his report before coming over.  "Okay.  Have to proofread it."  He pulled out a stool to sit on, leaning on the table.  "When are we getting our samples back?"

"This is," Speed told him.  Xander shrugged at that.  He looked at Horatio.  "Please?"

"If I can."  He smiled at him.  "How has your first week been?"

"Dishpan hands," he said dryly, making Speed snicker.  "Other than that I've done all the trace samples with Speed watching me.  He only had to tell me to slow down once this time."

"Good," Horatio agreed.  "How is ballistics going?"

"It's going pretty well.  Is Calleigh still getting my reports?  I haven't heard anything."

"She won't tell you unless you screw up," Speed assured him.  He dialed her.  "Xander wanted to check in to make sure he's still doing okay."

"He's doing fine," she said perkily over the speaker.  "All his reports have been good.  All spell checked.  Sending them all in one batch has worked out well for me, Xander.  I only found one typo and it was in your name so I fixed it for you."

"Thank you, Calleigh."

"Welcome.  How many have you had this week?  Eight?"

"Eight guns, four bullets.  You'll be getting two reports tonight.  I've got to proof them before I send them."

"That's fine," she agreed.  "Want some extra hours here this weekend?  I could use you."

"If you're backed up, I can proof those and hand-carry them over," Xander offered.  "It's not a problem, really."

"No, that's not the problem," she said, losing a bit of cheer.  "Charlene, please write in technical english, not valley girl english," she called.  Something soft thumped on that side and she sighed.  "Sorry.  Please?"

"Sunday or Saturday?" Speed asked.  "I have things I need to teach him over there anyway."

"Either's fine, Speed.  Oh, Alexx wanted introduced."

"I'm sure she does."  Xander gave him a hesitant look.  "She's the department mother."

"I have one of those."

"Yes but a stack of menus can't make cookies."  Xander gave him an odd look.  "I doubt your mother did."

"Cookies are for guilt."

"No, cookies are nice," Calleigh told him.  "By the way, heard from one of your friends who found you.  I told her off for you since she sent it to my official email address.  If she snaps at you, you forward it to me, dear."

"Okay.  I don't usually check my email anymore."

"That's fine. Check the departmental one once a day in case there's a memo.  Speaking of, Horatio, are interns paid this time or next?"

"Next I think."

"They're going to pout.  Thanks, guys."  Something crashed.  "That was a monitor, Horatio.  I'll have your forms when you get back."  She hung up.

"How did you tip one of those over?" Speed asked.

"One was on a loose bolt and frame," Xander admitted.  "Couldn't been knocked over."

"If you say so."  He patted him on the back.  "Saturday we'll take a field trip so I can introduce you to my trace lab and all the advanced equipment."  That got a smile and a nod.  "Good.  Ten?"

"Ten's fine.  Or a real shift, I don't mind."

"You're working real hours here," Speed agreed.   Horatio shook his head.  "He has this week."

"I'm on stipend, I don't get overtime," Xander pointed out.

"No, Xander.  Intern hours are thirty per week so we don't lose you sooner."  Horatio stared at him.  "How are you getting along with Gerald?"

"We have a non-blowing up pact.  It's working well," he admitted with a smile.  "Do I get to do field hours if we get a call out here?"

"As long as Speed's with you," he promised.  That got a nod from Speed.  "Which means you need cleared to be supervising in the field."

"I can get that tonight from Alexx."

"Thank you.  The labs look very good, boys.  Good job."  He put back on his sunglasses.  "I'm going to go beat some interns," he quipped, leaving to help Calleigh spank them both.  If Eric hadn't.

Speed smirked at him.  "He likes to throw out one-liners.  Don't know why.  You get used to that along with the on/off thing with his sunglasses."  Xander nodded, going back to ballistics to finish the reports.  He sat down with his book again.  They were out of work for the day.  It was the most cherry assignment ever.

***

Xander smiled at the receptionist at the main lab.  "And here I am back again," he said cheerfully.  "I'm to help Speed and Calleigh today."

"Speed's working at the satellite lab, sir."  He held up his ID.  "OH!  So he's bringing you here to work on a few problems?"

"Some advanced techniques we can't do out there.  That and I'm helping Calleigh as well.  Is she in?"

"The interns are."

Xander looked at her.  "Is Speed yet?"

"Not yet.  When is he expected?"

"About ten.  That's when we start shift out there.  Let me go handle the interns."  She snickered and he signed in, heading that way.  He walked into ballistics, getting horrified looks.  "Until Speed gets here or Calleigh does, let's get to work, kids."

"There's only samples in the night shift inbox," Charlene said.

"So?  They're samples that have to be done.  If they only want night shift to do them then they'll be marked specially.  Now, shoo."  They groaned but got to work.  He pulled on his lab coat and glasses, then gloved up, coming over to help compare the first one.  He got done and had his report done before Charlene had the bullet in the system.  The other kid was reading the envelope.  "Problem is?" he asked quietly.

"You're not the boss," Charlene told him.

He looked at her.  "I don't give a damn if I am.  This is the job.  Some day you'll get to do this alllllll by yourself.  In a timely manner.  Because they can release people to do bad things again if your don't get your shit in on time.  Those bullets have to be reported and to the supervisor before a day is out.  Otherwise they can contest the evidence."  She huffed off.  He looked at the male intern, who shrugged.  "Work, we'll figure her out later."

"She's always like that.  Calleigh's really nice."

"Good.  I'm a protocol bitch.  Work."  He held up the envelope.  "That's fine, there's other samples.  Grab one."  He put that one back and grabbed another one.  "Did you open that one?"

"No, Xander."

"Good.  That shows sense."  He finished up his next one, looking in the bin.  Only two more samples.  He got them cleared up and was working on the report when Speed came in.  "Since you weren't here and Calleigh was on a field call I came in to sub."

"That's fine, Xander."  He looked around, looking at the last sample. "That'll work.  I'll let Cal know she's got a special processing one."  He looked at the unmanned microscope then at Xander.  "Yours?"

"Nope."

"His?"

"Nope," the other guy said.  He looked at him.  "Charlene huffed off because Xander assumed command of the lab."

"Huh.  Yeah, well, he's running the satellite lab's ballistics department at the moment.  Even if all interns are supposedly on the same level, there's some that're already ahead.  You'll be where?"

"I'm trying, sir."

"Speed, kid."

"You're Speedle?"  He smirked and nodded.  "Please, Goddess, straighten out Calleigh?" he begged.  Xander gave him an odd look.  "She babbles!  She's bouncy!"

"Some people are like that.  So's Xander.  You get used to it, kid.  That is one issue I would talk to her about.  Tell her it's a personality clash.  Let her see if one of the other shifts could use you."  He beamed and nodded.  "Now, where's the other one?"

"Somewhere," Xander muttered.  "Sorry.  I can't let things like that go, Speed."

"No, it was the right thing to do, Xander.  You done?"  He turned and finished his reports while Speed watched, then did all the grammar checks.  When he was done he printed them out and paperclipped them to their samples.  That got a nod and Speed led him off, nodding at the other kid.  "I'm up in Trace.  You get stuck, you come see me."

"Yes, Speed."

"Good.  That the last?"

"Except for the special processing one."

"I'll let her know," Xander promised.  That got a smirk.  "Including that the other one stomped off," he admitted dryly, calling her.  "'Tis me and I'm usually wonderful.  You've only got a special processing envelope in the night inbox."  He smiled at her happy comment.  "No, you had seven.  Now you have the one special processing one and the one Charlene left on her 'scope when she huffed off because I kinda assumed command."  He handed the phone to Speed.  "Here, you tell her."

He listened then nodded.  "Even if that were true, Cal, they were in here with books out.  Yeah and he does run one, even with oversight.  He's more than good enough to watch these two.  Sure.  That'll work.  Come find us, we'll be in Trace."  He hung up, handing the phone back.  "She'll be back in an hour.  She wants you to sit there until either I shove Xander out of trace or someone more senior comes in."

"Yes, Speed."

"Thank you."  He walked Xander out.  "Any GSR?"

"Nope.  All bullet matches today."  He glanced around then nodded at DNA.  Speed rolled his eyes.  "So, what're you teaching me today, oh great one?" he joked.

"How to not to wear a t-shirt that causes a migraine," Eric called.  Xander looked at his t- shirt then at him, shaking his head.  "I saw the one you wore yesterday, kid."

Xander shrugged.  "I thought it was cute."

"Uh-huh.  Which is why you should be spanked," Eric assured him.  "Trace is all yours, Speed."

"Thanks.  We're going over some of the higher end tests so the others can come work around us."  He nodded, going to tell the others.  "Cal's in the field with the new kid."

"I know."  He went to tell Horatio.  "Speed and his trainee are here."

"I saw.  What happened in ballistics?  I saw you listening?"

"She had a 'you're not the mommy' fit."

"Hmm," Horatio said, considering it. "Have him leave whatever she left out for Calleigh."  He nodded, going to do that.  Horatio went to talk to Maxine for a minute since the young lady had retired to another lab.  "Miss Valera?"

"Spank the little brat," she said bluntly.

"Her?"

"No, the one who came in to take over," she snorted.

"He's running the satellite lab," he said quietly.  She stared at him, looking unhappy.  "He's the fifth rated intern in the country for a reason and has had a lot of temping experience in LA before we hired him."

"Please tell me that's not the guy from the storage room?" the other one said.

"That was not his doing.  That was his friends' doing and they're now mostly dead," he said bluntly.  She blushed and looked down.  He looked at Valera.  "Are you backed up?"

"No, I've only got two samples.  Why?"

"I need you to keep an eye on ballistics for Calleigh.  Do not touch anything."  She nodded, going to do that.  "Miss Boa Vista, Xander is more than qualified in his three areas.  What happened that day was not his fault and holding it against him only causes more problems."

"I heard he's gay."

"He's bi," Speed said as he walked in.  "Now, anything else or can your gaping, dual cock sucking mouth shut?"  She made a shocked sound, backing away from her.  "See, being injured I've heard from all the ones you're playing."  She went pale.  "Am I clear?" he demanded coldly.  She nodded, taking another step back.  "Good.  I'm glad we have an understanding."  He looked at Horatio.  "We need samples to run through the higher end tests.  What do you have in for cases?"

"I'll go look."  He walked Speed off.  "Tact," he said gently.

"Not known for it.  Simply saying what Alexx wanted to, H."  He took the samples and went back to Trace, finding the other kid in there.  "Valera run you out?"

"I finished my reports and I wanted Xander to proof them since I'm changing my style a bit.  People seem to like his more than mine."

"Mine's simpler, and that's something we all started out having problems with," Xander assured him, getting a smile.  He went over it with a pen.  "Okay, repeating is bad," he pointed out.  That got a nod.  "Name and case number is easier, that way they have multiple ways of searching.  Where you've only got one  you can only use one but try to have both if you can."  He circled that area, and the other one.  "Also, not enough room to sign your name."  He handed it back.  "Overall pretty good.  Just a bit wordy.  Think about it like making an oral report to a supe.  You want it to not waste time, hit the highlights, and then leave them alone.  A fleshed-out outline really."

He nodded.  "I can do that.  Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome.  Make sure Calleigh agrees."  He nodded, heading back to work on those with Valera offering advice.  He smiled at Speed.  "I like teaching," he said quietly.

"Some day you'll get to," he promised.  He laid out the samples, smirking at him.  "Let's see what you can do now, Harris."

"Xander, please.  Mr. Harris was a fugly sperm donor who drinks."  Speed snickered, nodding at that.  "Which is first?"

"They're all the same priority."  Xander picked up the one that would normally be closest to the starting line of the things that needed to be done.  He looked at the information, frowning at the notes.  Speed looked then at him.  "That's comparison sampling."

"That's the two tubes, two samples, five grid chart?"  Speed nodded so he got to work on that one, making notes as he went.  "Slower, right?" he asked when Speed opened his mouth.

"No, I wasn't going to say that.  I was yawning, Xander.  Later on I'll introduce you to Alexx."

"If you're sure she won't  mind."

"She doesn't."  He handed over a special bottle, getting a nod.  "That's local protocol."

"Okay."  He did what he had to do, selecting the right test, letting him see and approve before he hit enter.

"Xander, who left out the sample?" Calleigh called before she walked in.

"Not us guys."

She looked at him.  "You let her?"

"She huffed off," Speed told her.  "I'm not letting him cover for her."

"Fine.  At least someone's been in there?"

"Yup, the other guy's been in there all but about two minutes when he wanted report writing advice," Xander assured her.

She smiled.  "That'll work then.  Yours?"

"Under the sticky pad."  He caught the report, frowning at it.  "This isn't the same chart."

Speed looked, then pointed.  "No match, extra spaces."

"Oh!"  He nodded.  "We only worked with things that matched in school."  He put those down with the samples overtop of them, getting to work on his report right then.  Calleigh smiled.  "I proofed mine for you already."

"I'll read them over," she promised.  She went to do that, finding Charlene back in there with Horatio.  "Normally, all interns are on the same dirt-bottom level.  Xander has special status because he is over halfway done.  Yes, I brought him in  here to help you guys with some sticky points.  Am I clear?"  They both nodded.  "Good.  Let's see the new report style, Brad."  He handed it over, making her smile.  "Very simple, I like that.  Horatio?"

He took it to look over, smiling and nodding.  "That'll do very well," he agreed, handing it back.  "Did you misspell  your name?"  He looked then nodded, getting in there to fix it.  "Good job.  Anything for me?"

"In Xander's stack were some you had initials on, Lieutenant," Brad said.

Calleigh got into them, finding his.  She read it over, then snickered.  "Xander's having a slightly odd day."  She showed him the line and he groaned.  She pulled it up to take that out then handed it back over.  "Lack of caffeine, Horatio.  Speed's noticed it once before too."

Eric leaned in.  "He did what?"

"He was humming while typing and included the song lyrics," she said with a smile.  "He needs more caffeine."

"I'll tell Speed, just in case."

"That was his second report.  Let me check the others."  She went over them, only having to fix one spelling mistake for him.  She reprinted and handed them off.  "Common word switch."

"Thank you, Calleigh."  He walked off to deliver the others.  He walked into Trace.  "Xander, this problem with song lyrics."  He groaned, putting his head down on the table away from the samples.  "Only one this morning.  And one word switch."

"I'm sorry," he said, looking at him.  "I don't mean to do that."

"I know.  Watch out for it, get more caffeine on break, Xander."  He nodded, letting him walk off again.  He smiled when he ran into Eric and his soda.  "None in the lab, Eric."

"He can gulp it in the hallway.  Xander?"  He came out to take the soda, swallowing half of it within a minute then putting the bottle into the inbox out there.  Eric gave him an odd look.  "Is that how you do that out there?"

"Yup.  That way I don't have to trek for it later."

"That's workable as long as it won't drip and it's sealed," Horatio agreed.  Eric shrugged at that, leaving it in his hands while he went to work on his own trace samples.  Horatio walked off smiling, running into Valera.  "Problems?"

"I wanted to see his reports.  Calleigh brags."  He let her see, getting a nod.  "Those are nice.  Very concise. I like that."  She smiled at him.  "Soda in the inbox?"  He nodded.  "I've done that too."  She walked off, going back to her lab.  "Xander's got a good report style too.  Very concise and to the point without being too choppy."  Xander brought in a swab.  "From Trace?"

"We need it cross-checked with DNA please.  It's a biological."  He put down a copy of the report.  "That's what we found and Speed wanted to know if you could find something since you're one of the future Goddesses of DNA."

She smiled.  "You're adorable."

"Yes, but I've turned a stripper into a serial killer so I'll raise dogs even if I do flirt," he said with a grin, making her cackle.  "Seriously."  He shrugged, heading back to their lab.  "He said to page him," he called.

"I can do that."  She went back over the initial report then started that sample.

"How do you turn a stripper into a serial killer?" Boa Vista asked.

"I'm sensing a story," Valera admitted.  "I've only heard a little bit from the detective who got the notice she was out."

"I wonder if the rest of us know," her counterpart said dryly.

Valera looked at her.  "She won't come for you.  She's only killing redheads and blondes."  She got back to work.  Eric brought over another sample.  "From the adorable one?"

"No, wrong stack," he admitted.  "What did he say?  I heard the giggle."

"He called me a future Goddess of DNA."  She smiled. "You could flirt too.  It does cheer my day up greatly."

He grinned.  "You'd think I was hitting on you if I flirted, Max."  He pinched her on the arm.   "We'd never get together.  You're a lot more wild than I am."

She beamed.  "Thank you."

"How did the kid turn a stripper into a serial killer?" Natalia asked him.

Eric gave her a look then shrugged.  "I don't know.  Ask Speed.  He talked to him and I've only seen him around."  He walked off again.  "Xander, there's a question about your last ex," he said as he walked back into trace.

"The pro who took hostages, or my former stripper ex?" he asked absently while he looked at something under a microscope.  "I want to say salt," he told Speed, letting him look.  "But it's the wrong crystal structure to me."

"That's because that's rock salt instead of sea or table salt."  Xander nodded, making notes for his personal use.  He looked at Eric.  "Why do they want to know?"

"Natalia asked."

"She got very mad at how his female friends warped him while they raised him," Speed told him.  "Went to kill them over and over since she doesn't like airplanes.  Thinks that they're being held up by something like faith."

"Oh.  Okay.  You do know she's out, right, Xander?"

He looked at him then nodded.  "Yeah, I called the Marshals when she showed up at my door last night to get laid, Eric."  He gaped.  "It was fun but they came to get her again.  Whether or not they still have her I don't know."  He whimpered.  "It kept her there and hey, haven't had any in months.  Thanks anyway."  He grinned sweetly.  "Speed wants to take me clubbing to see the club problem in action.  Would you like to back him up taking me back?"

"Sure," he decided, nodding.  "Where would we get rock salt from, Speed?"

He looked at the sample case then at him.  "Your case, Delko."  He held it up.

"Would this be closer to pickling salt or like found in a quarry of ancient sea salt sort of rock salt?  Or is this like road salt up north?"

Speed looked, adjusting the magnification.  "Looks like road salt."  He looked at him.  "Good question.  Pickling salt is usually the same sort of stuff you find on the table, only a different grind and possibly a different way of curing it down to salt."  He nodded, making another note of that.

"Where would you get road salt in Miami?" Eric asked, frowning.

"They can sometimes mix some in with the asphalt," Xander told him.  "Like they do with the reflective bits now and then.  I've also seen people putting it into grout and those textured paints instead of other things.  Or check the big chain hardware places.  Maybe a bag in a trunk as a counterweight?"

"Have you had to do that?" Speed asked.

"No, I have a rocket launcher if I need counterweight in my trunk," he told him with a grin.

Eric walked off shaking his head, going to call the department of roads to see if they had an idea about road salt.  It was the wrong time of year to have it from a non-native sample traveling to get away from snow.

Speed patted him on the back.  "More work, less happiness.  Slave for the department, Xander."  He nodded, getting to work running a small sample to see if there were any other ingredients and then started on the report while that ran.  He got done and went to his next sample to start preparing it.  Horatio and Frank Tripp both came in.  "Do they still have his girlfriend?"

"She escaped at the airport," Frank said grimly.

"She's scared to death of planes," Xander told him, turning to look at him.  "She thinks physics is like faith and if only faith is holding the plane up it'll fall if you doubt.  Since she doubts...."  He got a nod for that.  "But she's not real bright.  She's a former stripper.  She can cook pretty well, which was why I dated her besides how pretty she was.  Anyone check the train station yet?  She likes trains.  She thinks they're like vibrators and the women who invented them did it for fun travel."

Horatio coughed, blushing a bit.  "I'll check on that, Xander.  What did she decide were their sins?"

"How they warped me.  She didn't like my thought that cheerleaders looked like hos shaking it for money in the middle of the basketball game.  She always wanted to be one." The machine spit out a report and he got to work on his report, putting it aside once it was done.  Then he ran the next sample, smiling at them.  "You might send her picture around to the strip clubs.  She didn't take any money from me and she'll need cash.  She won't rob her kills, she won't turn tricks, never did as a stripper, and she loathes drugs except for some mild acid now and then when she's having nightmares.  She said it helps her work them out better."  Frank nodded, taking notes.  "She went by Candy on the pole."

"I can do that.  I'm sure they took a new picture last night," Frank agreed.  Xander dug one out for him, handing it over.  "Even better.  Thanks, kid.  I'll bring this back."  He looked at the other one, holding it up.  "Blonde and redhead?"

He nodded.  "I'll run if they show up."

"Good to know," Horatio said, looking at them before handing it back, watching as Xander regloved before taking his new report and getting to work on it.

"We're taking Xander out to see if we can pinpoint his clubbing problem tonight, H.  Want to help?"

"If you need me, you'll call me, Speed."  He walked off smiling.

Valera leaned in.  "We are so having lunch.  Calleigh never said you were funny too."  Xander grinned and shrugged.  "Speed?"

"We got here at ten, that means you'd have to take the late one."

"I'm already on for the late one, I didn't get here until nine."  She blew a kiss, going back to her lab and planning on who to invite to lunch with them.  Some of the other techs would have a break about then.

***

Xander smiled at the techs sitting with him.  "Hi, guys.  I'm a Xander tech."  They all smiled at that.  "So, I'm getting the sucking feeling of pumping for information?"  He unwrapped his sandwich from the deli at the grocery store, checking it before taking a bite.

"Xander, that meat is a bit off," Valera warned.

"I'm poisonous in the kitchen.  Only I can make myself sick," he told her.  "Even arsenic didn't make me that sick."  She took the sandwich anyway, handing over half of her salad.  "Okay, I can eat girl food.  I have many times in the past."

"Gay?" the AV tech asked.

"Bi, strong leaning.  For some reason I seem to turn nice girls homicidal," he said with a small frown, nibbling using his fingers.  "I try really hard but then they get warped and they try to kidnap people or kill people, or kill me.  That's not really all that fun so I'm about given up and I'll have dogs."

Valera looked at him.  "Why would they kill you?"

"Because they're like that.  Most girls seem to be.  I've had three Xander-killing girlfriends, one Xander soul destroying girlfriend, one Xander nympho-ho girlfriend that used to be demonic and torture men instead, until apparently I was good or something, and then there was the stripper who went serial killer.  Oh, and one pro who took hostages to get me back," he finished with a shrug.  "Before you ask, I have no idea how I do it.  I think it's where the girls who raised me warped me.  I learned the importance of shoe and bra shopping by being dragged along.  A lot."  He ate another bite, licking off his fingers.

The AV tech was gaping.  "How?" he finally squeaked.

"If I knew I'd stop it," Xander assured him.  "I figure other guys are going without because I seem to get all the strange ones."

"No, normal guys don't mind not having the strange ones," he said.  "By the way, I'm Dan Cooper.  Call me DC."

"Okay. You're much nicer than Gerald."

"I'm sure there's minions of Satan nicer than Gerald," he said dryly.

Xander considered it then shrugged.  "Some are okay.   Some of Anya's friends were nice."  Eric came over to join them.  "Hi again."

"Hi, Xander.  Stole some salad?"

"His sandwich had green meat," Valera told him.  "I stole it so I fed him."

"That's nice of you," Eric assured him. "Speed wanted to know if you wanted introduced to my single sister."

"Is she going to turn into a bad girl and try to kill me or others too?"

Eric frowned.  "I heard about that from him and I don't believe it.  Sorry."

Xander took out his wallet, showing pictures.  "That's Ampata.  She tried to kill Buffy and me.  That's the second Xander killing girlfriend.  Well, the first just wanted to eat me but not really date me.  At sixteen, I didn't care."  He turned the picture.  "That's Faith.  She was my first and she was into choking.  Especially me.  Twice.  Basically climbed on top, rode me for five minutes then tossed me out.  The second time she simply choked me."  He changed the picture.  "That's Cordelia.  She's a soul sucking bitch.  Always putting me down and others too.  It was her fun of the day.  She agreed with how Willow was warping me though.  I've known her since first grade, the same as the ones across from her, Buffy and Willow.  Willow basically raised me and then Buffy came along and I kinda followed her into a lot of things I probably shouldn't have but it was sometimes rewarding, but I'll still run from them if they show up.  I'll give an Olympic time performance if they show up."  He changed the picture.  "That's Anyanka.  I nearly married her.  She went from torturing guys who dumped their girlfriends to a nympho slut who stole all my paychecks and demanded everything be her way.  She didn't try to kill me except for sex.  We lost her when Sunnydale fell, long after we had broken up because I left her at the altar."  He turned the picture.  "That's the last girlfriend.  The stripper.  She kept wanting to kill Buffy and Willow."

Eric looked at him.  "Did you ever try to date *normal* girls?  Because I've met your Anyanka in the past."

"She told me lots about what she used to do then demanded sex," Xander admitted.  "I thought I was dating normal girls really.  Except for her.  Kinda knew what I was getting into there but she showed up for sex one day and never quite left."  He put his wallet back, then reached over to close Maxine's mouth for her.  "That's why I'll have dogs."  She made squeaky noises. "What?"

"No!  No, no, no," she said finally, shaking her head.  "I've met Anyanka."

"Yeah, I nearly married her," he sighed.  "Then I found out I'd turn into my father if I did.  I'd hate that more than her coming back to kill me for dumping her."

She gave him an odd look.  So Cooper tried to change the subject.  "Xander, like any football teams?  We've got a pretty decent one this year."

Xander gave him a confused look.  "Gay sex wasn't bad but I like the one-on-one thing, not playing it in teams for spectators," he said, looking totally confused but serious.

Cooper gaped.  "What?"

"Football is like gay sex in teams.  Willow was right about that."

"Gotta ask how you get that one," Eric said.  Mentally he was cackling.  No one could shut Cooper up usually.  Xander had done it in under three minutes of knowing him.  The shocked and confused look was almost adorable on him.

"See, the center positions are all in the 'bend over and take it' position. There's a lot of patting, a lot of bumping up to rub against each other for good games.  There's the whole 'toss it back between my legs' move which I've seen lots of gay strippers do thanks to Buffy and Willow.  Usually with their pants but they do that same move.  Then the guy getting the tossed stuff cradles it and runs his hands over it.  The only straight guys are the guys who run out to catch the ball shaped like two tits back to back.  Sorry, breasts, been living with a bunch of guys who're lawyers for the last few years.  And one british guy but mostly guys who're lawyers and other fighters.  He catches the ball shaped like two breasts joined at the back end and runs off to prove he's still heterosexual until it's his turn in the center being patted, caressed, talked to sweetly in lover's code.  All that stuff."

Maxine fell off the bench.  Cooper whimpered.  Eric just stared at him.  "You're very unique, Xander.  Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Yes, right before I got the Princess of Ballistics tiara from my classmates."  He nibbled on another piece of salad, grinning at Cooper.  "I do like some of the Strongman events and horse jumping, gymnastics, those things.  Lifetime and I are friends too.  You can come watch if you want."

He let out another whimper, shaking his head.  He finally got his mouth to work and patted him on the hand.  "We'll fix what they did to you, Xander.  There'll be no more evil women around you."

"They're all evil, that's why they're women.  That's why they shop or so I was told by Willow's girlfriend Tara.  Women are meant to shop.  All women are evil.  Therefore shopping is evil and taints women each time they go.  It's mathematical somehow.  I didn't really get math all that well."  He grinned when he saw Speed and someone else.  "Hi, Speed."

"Xander, why is Valera on the ground?" Speed asked.

"He told us about football," Eric said, nodding a bit.  "How it was just like gay sex."

"With all that patting going on?  I can see how one would think that," Alexx said, coming over to sit next to the boy. "I'm Alexx.  I'm the ME, Xander."

He kissed her on the cheek.  "Speed said you were like his mommy."

"I am.  Do you like cookies?"

Xander looked confused, then nodded.  "Yeah, but cookies are for guilt.  What did I do wrong?"

"No, sweetie, I bake cookies because I want to bake cookies.  When I feel guilty I apologize."

"Can you teach my former friends how to do that?"

"If I see them I'll beat it into them," she promised.  "Like peanut butter?"

"I like all cookies," he said with a grin.  "But if I eat too much chocolate I bounce.  Speed said I had to warn you."

"I'll remember that."  She looked at the salad.  "You finish up.  You're too skinny."

"He lives on takeout, Alexx," Speed said, sitting next to Eric.  He looked down at Valera.  "Want a pillow or a blanket?"

"CPR?" she asked weakly.

Xander stood up to look down at her. "I can do that but you might end up warped and being on the Xander killing society."  Alexx pulled him back down.  "They have been."

"Who has been?" she asked.

"Almost all his exes," Eric told her.  "Remember that problem woman I had to go to my family priest about?"  She grimaced but nodded. "He nearly married her."

"Yeah, Anya was the nicest of them," Speed told her.

Alexx gave Xander a look then shook her head.  "Ever think about boys?"

"A few times but I can only appreciate about one out of every ten thousand.  Though I did use it to get my car fixed faster when I was stranded and having to strip to get it fixed."

Valera made another squeaky noise.  Eric pulled her back up.  "Xander, sweetie, can I have your friend's phone number?"

"That would mean I have it," he pointed out.  "I can look it up."  He took her pen and wrote out the name.  "They're usually there."  He handed the pen back, then checked his watch, inhaling the rest of his borrowed salad.  "Gotta go.  Don't want to be late."  He grinned at Alexx.  "I'm down where Speed is."

"I'll send Speedy in with cookies Monday morning, baby.  You go back to work."

"Go help Calleigh for a while," Speed ordered.  "Until I get back."  He nodded, bouncing inside.  Speed looked at Valera.  "Now you know why his stripper ex turned into a serial killer."

"I wouldn't kill them, just maim them horribly."  Eric took the napkin Xander had written on from her.  "Hey!  I need that!  Someone has to straighten him out before Frank asks him about sports."

"Frank's already wondering why he's so odd since Tanya, his ex, is out."  Cooper whimpered at that.  "It's okay, she only wants to kill his former friends.  She got away from the Marshals last night after he called them to pick her up.  She came over for sex."

"We're taking him clubbing tonight," Eric offered.  "Anyone want to come?"

"Please get the boy laid," Cooper said quietly.  "It could help him."

"He got some last night, it didn't seem to," Speed said, giving him a look.  "Doesn't help you either, DC."

"Hey!  I've got a girlfriend."

"Does she still inflate or are you on the solid ones?" Speed asked sarcastically.  "Just remember, you too can turn into a Xander."   He shuddered at that, hugging himself.

"I'll warn Frank to warn the others not to ask Xander about sports.  Though we did get the quick summary of his ex girlfriends," Eric said, getting up and going inside to find something for his headache and to warn Frank and Horatio first.  Someone had to warn them.  He heard Valera and Speed explaining gay sex=football to Alexx, making him shake his head quickly.  "H?"  He looked over from the front desk.  "It might be better if Xander didn't have to explain why football equaled gay sex to anyone else.  Can you warn Frank and the others?"

Horatio looked at him then sighed and nodded.  "I've heard that theory."  He went to warn Frank about that.  "Frank?"  He looked over with a grin.  "I was reminded to warn you not to ask Xander his views on sports."

"He's anti-sports?"

"He was raised by some very warping young women," Alexx said as she joined them.  "He thinks football is exactly like gay sex and only the receivers are hetero because they catch the ball that's like two breasts back to back to take home.  At least until it's their turn."  Frank choked.  Hagen choked in his cubicle.  "Hey, John.  Didn't mean to get you too."

"He's joking, right?" John begged.

"No, he's not," Alexx sighed, leaning on a dividing half-wall.  "He was raised by some very warping girls who used to make him go bra shopping with them.  That's why his ex is presently being sought to go back into custody so she can't go kill his friends, or anyone who looks like his friends.  We really should warn Calleigh."

"Warn her why?" John demanded.

"One of the girls who warped him was small and blonde," Horatio told him. "She knows.  She met Tanya earlier on a scene but Tanya said she's better for Xander than Buffy was so she'll only watch her and make sure she doesn't try to warp him further.  Because, as she quoted, her snuggly one was fairly strange but if he got warped any more he wouldn't be as good in bed and throwing away a man with an oral fetish was wrong and evil of women."  He held a hand up at the snickers.  "She recorded it when she realized who she was."  He looked at John.  "He's got a fairly unstandard view of a lot of issues, John.  He's also got some very warping t-shirts."

"So he's a warped gun junkie?" John asked.  Horatio nodded.  "Is he any good in the lab?"

"He's half done," Horatio told him.  "LAPD let him sub in theirs.  The other labs wanted him back."  They all moaned.  "He's the fifth highest tech in the intern class at the moment.  He's out at the satellite lab."

"I'll keep that in mind," John promised, shaking his head quickly.  "Does Calleigh know?"

"She probably agreed with the cheerleaders equaling hookers shaking it for money," Horatio told him.  "Again, a direct quote."  They just nodded and Frank took an antacid, offering them to Horatio and Alexx, who took one.

"The boy can't cook, he thought cookies were for guilt, and he looks very confused now and then," Alexx told them.

"He calls his menu collection mom," Horatio told her.  "She apparently couldn't cook either."  She huffed, walking off to figure out what to make the boy.  Interns made crap wages, he couldn't afford to live on takeout.  Horatio looked at the detectives.  "Someone warn Yelina?"  John nodded but groaned a bit.  "Thank you.  I have to get Miss Valera and Cooper to quit conspiring."  He went to do that, finding them in the hallway hissing at each other.  "Exposure is the best way," he said quietly.  "Go back to work."  They went back to their labs, IM'ing back and forth about how to expose Xander to good, manly things.  Though, Cooper did suggest she get Natalia to hit on him.  He didn't like her and they could arrest her if she went bad.  Valera went to swat him in person for that idea.

***

Xander grabbed his forehead and the counter, wincing as the vision started.  "Speed?" he called.  "Help?"  He came strolling in, putting Xander into his desk chair when he saw what was going on.  Xander suffered through it, then panted as he came down, taking the paper and pen Speed had to write out what he could.  Some of it he couldn't describe.  He hesitated.

"Do what you need to so the point gets across, even if it's not a real word," Speed soothed, coming over to rub over the back of his neck.  He nodded, putting down the rest of it.  It wasn't very good english but it was very descriptive.  He called Horatio.  "You're right, he's still having them."  He hung up.

"Cordy cursed me," he complained, holding his forehead. "Thank you."

"Welcome.  How often do you have these?"

"Depends on how often someone attacks," he said, looking at him.  "I'll be okay in a few minutes.  Thank you."

"You're welcome."  He let his neck go, looking at the vision.  "Part of the city?"

"Docks."  He held his forehead.  "Cruise ship.  Didn't I put that in there?"

Speed shook his head, grabbing a tape recorder and coming back.  "Okay, from the top, Xander.  Where were you?"

"Docks.  A disney cruise ship was there."  He held his forehead, the throbbing was coming back.  "There's three guys wearing cheap armani knock offs.  They don't quite look like they're together but their body language said they're guarding someone.  I'm not sure if it's them or not.  It's in the carry ons.  They were scanned but they're shielded somehow."  He used the palm of his hands to rub his eyes.  "They're walking onto the ship and someone runs up behind them, saying that one of them had dropped his wallet.  The kid was being a good kid.  The guy panicked and set off his bomb.  It blew the reception area and the dock.  The other two blew theirs in their last few seconds to take out the rest of the ship and the dock area.  The building was a bit damaged.  For some reason the explosion came out as a purple mist that seemed to eat things.  I think it's chemical but I can't be sure what.  It was kinda sparkly and moved like the clouds in Fantasia, the ones that were vertical lines in the earlier stuff.  Not like regular clouds.  It was the purple cloud that damaged the building.  Mostly the glass on it."

"Do you have any idea which ship it is?  There's a few disney cruises a week."

"No," he said, looking miserable.  "I know it's hot, humid.  Like late afternoon hot and humid."  He looked at him.  "I don't get a time code usually.  I couldn't even make myself look at my watch."

"Do you usually get these because  the plan was just set or it's about to happen?"

"I usually get enough time to fix it, but not much more than a few days' warning. This time it may be a bit later.  They could switch their tickets.  I think that's why I got it.  Before I couldn't have stopped it maybe but they switched targets?  I'm not sure but that's an odd feeling and it feels right."

"That's fine.  It could be important.  Could you describe the men?"

"Cheap knock-off Armani suits.  Dark with white shirts.  Dark hair.  One had on red hightops."  He looked confused.  "One had a watch that seemed to sparkle at me.  I don't know why."

"Diamonds?" Speed suggested.

"No.  It had the 'important thing' glow around it.  They were in this pattern," he said, using things on his desk to lay out their walking pattern.  "There was a person between the first guy, the point guy, and the back two were kinda not walking next to each other but in the same general line of the crowd to board."  Speed nodded, taking a picture of that.  "That watch is going to drive me insane."

"We can check in a few minutes.  What did it look like?"

"Silver.  Blue dial."

"Close your eyes," Horatio said from the doorway.  "Let's see if we can get anything off it."  Xander nodded, concentrating.  Speed went back to rubbing his shoulders.  "Okay, Xander.  Describe the watch," he ordered, coming in to sit across from him.

"It looked like the one I was considering at Wal-mart the other day," he said quietly.  "It was silver, had a blue dial.  Had the numbers around the outer edge of the face instead of on the dial.  It almost looked like it had multiple buttons.  He opened his eyes and sketched it out.  "I'm horrible at drawing.  It looks like that."

Horatio nodded.  "Okay.  Did it have a date function?" he asked.  Xander closed his eyes and concentrated, then nodded slowly.  "Can you see it?"  Xander nodded, marking that down and the time.  "Okay.  Was it right?"

"I don't know," he admitted, looking at him. "Even when I'm wearing one in there it's sometimes off by a few hours."

"Were they booked together?" Speed asked.  "Could you see their tickets?"  He went back to rubbing out the knots, letting him concentrate, smiling at the small moan.  "Concentrate on the tickets, Xander."

"It's really fuzzy.  Usually it means I'm not meant to see that part.  I can see it's a 2-1-3?"  He frowned, drawing out what he saw.  Then he shook his head.  "It's gone."

Horatio turned off the tape player.  "It's enough for us to start looking," Horatio promised.  He gave him a pat on the arm.  "Take a break and come back to the lab in a few minutes, Xander."  He nodded, going to grab his soda from the inbox so he could lounge in the sun for a few minutes. "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He looked at the ticket.  "Is that normal?"

"I don't know."  He took it with him, and the tape.  He knew someone who would listen to it.  They had even been on a disney cruise so they'd know.  He tapped before walking into their office.  "Got ten?"

"For you, yes.  Why?"

Horatio closed the door.  "One of my lab staff is afflicted with visions," he said quietly. "His first one that I've seen was right."

"Interesting.  And?"  He handed over the picture and the tape player.  He rewound it, letting him hear it and read Xander's words.  He studied the picture of the ticket, pulling out his own stub.  "That's a room number."  Horatio nodded.  "How sure is he on the date?"

"He's not.  He said it could be wrong, even when he's been able to see others they've been off by a few hours."

"But that does give us a way to start.  The purple haze?"

"I don't know, it sounds chemical but I don't know what it could be right off the top of my head."  He called Xander. "Did you get any other sense from the cloud?  Was it hurting bodies?  Or simply metal?  Did it have a taste?  An odor?" He made notes.  "Anything else about it?"  He nodded, making that note as well.  "Any help on the time?"  He smiled.  "I had to try.  Thank you.  I am."  He hung up and pushed it over.  "It's against the metal and concrete.  I'm guessing it eats one of the heavier metals or something.  He did say it was sparkly because he thinks it's partially in a crystal form, which would explain how it was released."

"Very interesting.  How accurate is he?"

"So far I've only seen one.  He was off by about two hours.  If not, it can be used as a drill.  He was sure that the guys panicked, that's why they released it there."

"It almost seems like they dropped it on purpose.  That's their code maybe?"  He put it down, looking at him.  "Let me do some quiet checking.  Who?"

"I'd rather keep him hidden."

"The one who ended up in your supply closet without reason?"  Horatio nodded.  "He's where?"

"Satellite lab.  He's a ballistics intern with a trace minor and a minor in field work."

"You and Speed did good talking him down.  I'll guard his secret.  Come to me with any others."  Horatio nodded, leaving it with him.  He called around.  "Did you see anything about a disney cruise?"   She whimpered.  "I need more concrete details, especially about which one.   Someone Caine knows has them as well," he said quietly, taking notes.  He smiled.  "Please. That way I can compare.  I'm here."  He hung up, looking up upcoming cruises.

***

Xander watched the news, biting his lip.  Speed walked up behind him, patting him on the back.  "They found the guys.  They're in a standoff."

"They were warned they had biological weapons in their things," Speed said quietly.  "It'll be okay, Xander.  They cleared it just in case."  That got a nod and Xander gave him a hug, going back to his lab.  Speed winced when one went off but they had a containment system to put around them.  That's why they had trapped them in that area.  The other two were stopped before they could blow themselves up.  He smiled when he saw Horatio there taking care of the bags.  The inflatable containment bubble went around the area.  It was a good catch.  He breathed a sigh of relief.  Someone had listened very well.  He called him.  "Horatio, there's some of the purple stuff on you by the cameras.  I am.  He went back to ballistics to worry himself to death.  Let me know if I can help."  He hung up and Horatio ordered them to contain him as well.  They heard it over the cameras.  They rushed him and the bags off together to be cleaned and put into quarantine.  Horatio would do the processing if he could.  Xander came back.  "It's all right.  H is doing the processing himself."

"He was affected?"

"No, he was covered in some of it," he said, looking at him.  "It'll be all right, Xander.  He'll be fine."  Xander nodded, going back to watching.  "Nothing new?"

"No.  Not yet."  He sipped his soda, going back to watching it happen.  Gerald walked in and gave them a look since they were in his AV lab.  "Docks.  Someone was trying to use a chemical weapon."

"Wow."  He looked then at him.  "How long have you had visions?"

"Cordy passed hers onto me."  He grimaced.  "They're not fun."

"I heard they hurt like hell."  Speed's phone rang.  "Shoo, boys.  I'll let you know how it ends."

"Speedle," he answered.  "What's up, Chief?  I'm in the satellite lab working with Harris actually.  I can do that.  No, I don't think it'll hurt Horatio.   I think it'll hurt buildings.  Just something that struck me with how it dispersed," he lied.  "I can do that."  He hung up.  "I've got to go back to the main lab, Xander.  Anything you don't know, do not touch.  I'll come gather them later."  He nodded, letting him head out to his bike so he could go back.

Xander went back to watching the video.  "At least they stopped them."

"It could have been much worse," Gerald agreed dryly.  "Now, go back to your own lab, kid."

"Sorry, Horatio was covered."

"That's fine.  I'm sure Speedle will tell us.  Out!"  He nodded, heading out to go back to ballistics.  He sighed, watching it for him.  It preempted his soaps anyway.  He did run the traffic cameras for the morning rush hour to pick out any anomalies on another screen.  That way it looked like he was working while he was watching the life sized soap opera.

***

Horatio stepped into the satellite lab, smiling at Xander.  "See, I'm fine."  Xander smiled and hugged him.  "You did very good, Xander.  Thank you."

"You're fine?"

"I'm fine.  It ate my suit but I'm fine."  Xander grinned and nodded, giving him a squeeze before backing up.  "From now on, if you have one I need to know.  No matter what time of the day or night, all right?"  He nodded.  "No more handling them on your own.  I heard Eric saw you handling one.  That you handed him some silver bullets?"

"It was a small invasion of demonic rats."

"Fine.  Let me know the next time."  He nodded at that.  "How is everything else going?"

"It's all right, Horatio.  I'm doing okay."

"Good."  He smiled and slid back into his sunglasses.  "I'm going to go save Speed from my desk of doom.  Anything that I need to carry that way?"  Xander went to get three samples, handing them to him.  He looked then at him.  "You can't run that here?"

"I could if the machine worked.  It blew a fuse and I can't get it to stay in no matter what I've tried.  I've even done the bad thing and unplugged it."

"I'll get someone to come look at it if it's still off in the morning."  Xander nodded at that.  "Any reports?"

"I didn't have anything all day."

"Good."

"Am I getting field hours?"

"I'll see if something happens down this way."  Xander nodded at that, grinning again.  "Good job."  He left, taking the samples back to his lab.  He walked in, weathering the looks Stetler gave him.  "My office."  He headed up there, handing Speed the samples.  "Your machine there blew a fuse.  Xander said he tried everything, up to and including unplugging it.  One looks resealed."

"He was probably in the middle of processing when it blew," he admitted.  "Did he send the sample bottle?"  Horatio shook his head.  "If I have to I'll get that from him."  He called over.  "Xander, send over the sample bottle that it blew while doing."  He listened, frowning.  "Was it printing?"  He nodded.  "Did you get the report? All but the bottom header and the last name but it came out on another page after the third restart?  That's fine.  No, put a sign up and if I can't get it working I'll call someone tomorrow.  Yeah.  I'll be there.  Go home on time."  He hung up.  "It was printing fortunately."  He got up, letting Horatio have his chair.  "I'll go run these."  He went to do that.

Horatio sat down with a groan of pleasure.  "Much better than a decontamination chamber."

"Are you all right?" Rick asked patiently.

"I'm fine.  It ate my suit but nothing else.  It was meant to eat certain types of industrial fibers."

"Interesting.  How did you know to run the drill that day?"

"No comment."  He stared at him.  "I'm not telling you."

"Who are you protecting?  They could be part of this."

Horatio pulled out the tape, putting it into the shredder.  He had another copy stored.  "They're not part of it.  They're afflicted."

"Blackmail?" he demanded.

"No.  He's not involved in any way, Rick.  Believe it or not he dreamed it."  Rick snorted, giving him a dirty look.  "I knew you didn't want to hear.  I took it to someone who could corroborate.  They found enough evidence to move people into position in case.  It's about as valid as any other form of tip."

"So you trusted a *dream* someone had?"

"It's not the first right one he's had," Horatio admitted quietly, staring him down.  He groaned, stomping off.  "Sorry," he called after him, waving a hand.  "That's why I'm not telling you who."  He looked at the paperwork Speed had so lovingly left him.  It got a sigh.  He hated paperwork.  Maybe he could talk Xander into doing it?  No, that was misuse of an intern.

***

Xander wobbled into the main lab the next morning, dragging the woman handcuffed to him.  "Horatio wanted to talk to her," he told the officer who tried to stop him.  He held up his ID badge.  "Is he in yet?"

"He's at a scene," someone called, coming out of the detective's area.  He looked at him then at the yawning woman behind him.  "Lost the keys?"

"Horatio wanted to talk to her about her trying to kidnap me at gunpoint last night."

"Ah."  The detective nodded.  "Let me get one of his more favored detectives to handle that, kid.  Hagen?"  He called.  He came out, giving Xander a look.  "He said Horatio wanted to talk to her about her kidnaping attempt?"

"Sure.  Come on, kid."  He walked them both that way, looking at her.  "You couldn't cuff her the regular way?"

"I dislocated her shoulder earlier while I was trying to get away," he admitted.

"That's reasonable at least," he said, uncuffing them and cuffing her to the chair.  She growled at him.  "Xander, why don't I get Frank to take your statement since he's half asleep.  You can wake him up."  Xander nodded, going where he pointed.  He looked at her, opening up the proper form.  "Now,  you tried to kidnap him at gunpoint?  Kid, gun?"

"Um, backseat of my car," Xander called.  "Bagged, not boxed.  Not unloaded either.  It was only three hours ago, sorry.  I have my field kit but not boxes."  Frank took the keys to go do that and the other stuff he had back there when he saw it.  He brought it back, handing it to him.  "Hers.  She had her brother, or someone she called her brother, open up his pawn shop so she could take me shopping at gunpoint."

John looked at him then at her.  "I want your side."

"He's mine," she said simply.  "No  one else can have him. He understands a woman's needs.  He also has very good taste in jewelry for me to steal."

"So,  you stole the jewelry?" John asked, making notes so he could type this in later.

"Well, yeah, not like I make CEO money," she said snidely.  "I make less than you do."

He looked at her.  "Then what makes you think you could afford that kid?  He's got a gun habit."

"He's so cute with them too," she cooed, then quit grinning and went back to scowling.  "I'll be taking my boy back now, thank you."

"He's got to appear at work today."  Frank's phone rang.  "This guy who opened the store, did he know you were going to steal it?"

"No, and Xander didn't know I shot him either."  She smiled sweetly.  "I locked him in the car when I went back to get the last bag."

"Ah."  He called Horatio to tell him that.  "Are you at a pawn shop homicide and robbery?" he asked.  "Because I have the woman who did it while she had your prized intern in cuffs."  He hung up, looking at her again.  "Where did you meet him?"

"Colorful."

"The club, right?"  She nodded, smirking a bit.  He made a note of that.  "And what drew you to him?  We've been trying to figure that out."

"He's very well packed and one girl got off from dancing with him."  She beamed.  "He's very good."

"Did you two have sex?"

"I danced with him and he's the right height.  Besides, my mental fairies loved him.  They said so."

Xander looked over at her.  "This is the first I've heard of mental fairies, Donna.  Last time I asked you told me I was  hot enough to make you wet without knowing what I smelled like."  He went back to Frank's questions.  Though he did think to text Speed that he'd be late this morning.   He looked at Frank.  "I was out at a gay club to avoid women."

Frank snickered.  "Looks like you failed."

"Yeah and her girlfriend was pissed when she took her purse gun to kidnap me plus her handcuffs from her purse to kidnap me."

John looked over.  "Do we know this girlfriend?"

"Cute, blonde, looked a bit post-op by facial features.  She was apparently well known since they have metal detectors there and they still let her in with the gun.  If she wants, I'll have her gun replaced since it'll have to be destroyed since it's evidence."

"I'll let her know when I find her, kid," John promised, making a note of that as well.  He looked at her.  "Your girlfriend, won't she mind?"

"No, she knew I'd go back to dicks sometime.  She was good but had a crappy rhythm.  Xander has an excellent one.  Did you know he had to correct me four times on his name?  I thought he was a Steve."

"No, I didn't know that."  He made a note of that too until Horatio stomped in.  "Hey, Horatio, come meet Donna.  She took your boy from Colorful last night because he was trying to be good and avoid women."

Horatio looked at Xander.  "You did try?"

"I did try until she stuck the twenty-two in my ribs and cuffed me," he admitted.  "What else did she do?"

"She shot the pawn shop owner."

Frank pointed at the bags.  "These were in his backseat."

"I wasn't going to let her take *her* car," Xander said dryly.  "Less chance of me getting away."

"How did you get her into yours?" Frank asked.

"He was mean.  He promised me backseat sex as the sun came up and we're here," she pouted.

"When the sun came up she had us out in the Everglades.  I went 'ooh, cougar' and pointed," Xander said dryly.  "Kept me from having to fake it."  Frank smiled.  "I know this means my POS car is going to be impounded for evidence for a while.  Can I get a lift out to the other lab?"

"I'll make sure you get to work, Xander," Horatio promised, patting him on the back.   John handed him the notes he had been making, getting a smile.  "Let's make this an official statement, John."  He nodded, getting her up and walking her to an interrogation room so they could tape it.  "Xander, is anything in that bag not from her?"

"No, that stuff went into the glove box," Xander admitted.  "She patted me down and put it in there.  Oh, I dislocated her shoulder when I got away.  I was nice enough to put it back for her."

"That's fine," he agreed, going to listen to the statement being made.  She was so sure Xander was hers.  John pressed her on her mental fairies story and she caved on it.  When she was done and Frank had Xander sign his statement he drove him back to the satellite lab, walking him inside.  Bob came out and Horatio stared at him from behind his glasses.  "He was kidnaped and brought in the person who had him," he said calmly.

"Wonderful," he agreed.  "Thank you for cleaning too, Xander."

Xander nodded.  "I had to clean.  It was nasty.  I got transfer from my microscope."  Bob nodded at that.  "I'm going to go change clothes.  Horatio, do you need these?"

"Please," he agreed. Xander went to change clothes and bag those with Speed's help.  He took the bag when Xander came back out in a t-shirt that made his head hurt and a pair of jeans, plus his lab coat.  He got a hug and Xander went to work.  He looked at Bob.  "Let me put this in the hummer and I'll be right back so we can talk, Bob."  He went to do that and came back with the pictures Speed had taken of the labs before they had really started to clean.  It had been an hour into the cleaning and it was still defying logical assumptions of appropriate cleanliness.   He saw Eric come in two hours later while they were still going over how to clean a lab and pointed at ballistics, getting a nod.

Eric leaned into ballistics.  "You clear?"

Xander looked over from his reading.  "Yup. Speed said to take a break in here so I am."  He put his feet down off the spare stool.  "Need more statements?"

"No, we got your stuff from the glovebox."  He handed over the baggie.  "Why do you have four checks in there?"

"Someone slipped them into my pocket," he said grimly.  He shrugged.  "Someone wanted me and I turned them down."

Speed walked in.  "The night you missed going  out with us thanks to your mother I taped for Stetler.  He choked and nearly had to go to the ER for help.  They do that for some reason.  Where were you?"

"Colorful.  I went to a gay bar so I could avoid straight women."

Eric just nodded.  "You were only there?"  Xander nodded.  "How long?"

"Three hours when she took me."

Eric sighed a bit.  "Frank wanted that information included when we found the wad of cash.  Stetler's already sniffing around."

"I told him he could go out with me one night to see it in person," Xander said with a small shrug.  "Is she going to get help?"

"She's already taken a deal for seven years on the kidnaping and ten on the homicide," Eric told him.  Xander grimaced.  "They were being nice."

"I want to know what I do to make them do that.  Oh, Horatio has my clothes in the hummer.  If it's sweat based, like a teacher thought, you might not want to let Calleigh open it.  I'd hate to see her go bad and stalk me too."

Eric smirked.  "I'll make sure she doesn't, Xander."  He nodded at the bag.  "What's your protocol for that stuff?"

"LA made me fill out a form and put anything jewelry in the lost and found for thirty days.  Cash was mine.  Checks I usually ignored."

Speed walked out, going to talk to Horatio.  "Do we have a local protocol for the Xander tipping situation?"

"I have a form in my office for it.  Stetler's boss found it when he saw the tape.  He's not the only one we have who has that problem."

"Do we know why?"

"It's thought to be pheromone based," he admitted.  "Other than that, no.  Why?"

"You have sweaty clothes ripening in the hummer," Speed reminded him.  "Calleigh?"

"I'll keep her off it until I've collected sweat samples."  Speed nodded, going to tell the boy that.  "I'll fax the form in a while, Speed.  Keep one handy and help him fill it out."

"Checks, H?" Eric called.

"Up to him.  Jewelry as well," he called back, looking at the confused local head.  "Xander has a unique problem when he goes clubbing.  He gets tipped."

"I heard about that guy in Vice who had that problem," he said grimly.

Horatio nodded.  "He went to a gay bar last night to avoid straight women due to it."  He stood up.  "I'm sure Speed can help him do that form later on."

"I'll try to make it better, Horatio.  It's really the night person's...."  Horatio gave him a look before putting on his sunglasses.  "I'll let them clean all they want."

"Thank you.  I'll make sure you have a janitor again as well."  He walked out, going to look at Xander's gift bag.  "Getting a new car?" he asked, pointing at the keys.

"I don't know what those go to.  Did we find *my* keys?"  Horatio patted them.  "Thank you.  I don't to break into my own apartment tonight."  He looked at him.  "I tried."

"I know you did."  He patted him on the back.  "No work?"

"No scenes this way and we're caught up but Speed's still waiting on someone to come fix a machine.  I was doing one of the journals but I only brought one."

"That's fine, Xander."  He gave him another pat then left, going back to the lab.  He walked the clothes inside, finding Calleigh waiting.  "You may not handle Xander's clothes, just in case whatever drew her to him is on them."

"He has that same problem as the guy in Vice and the one in the translator corps?"  Horatio nodded.  "Wow.  Yeah, I can stand far, far away.  I don't want to be his stalker."

Horatio smiled at her.  "He called?"

"Yup.  He was very nice when he explained why and I agree."  She looked around then at him.  "How much did he make?"

"Who did his glovebox?"

"Ryan.  Ryan?"  He came out of layout.  "What was in his glovebox?"

"Besides the nine millimeter?"  He found the list and the box, handing them to her.  "I wasn't sure if it was his or not.  We found a revolver under the seat and a shotgun in the trunk."

"He's a ballistics tech," Horatio noted.  "He does have a personal exemplar."

"I haven't run registration yet," Ryan admitted.  "I'm still working on the video from the shop.  He was handcuffed and complaining while she asked his opinion."  He looked at the bag.  "His clothes?"

"Yes, and he has that same problem as the person in Vice does," Horatio said quietly.

"I'll take a small sweat sample to see if we can find out why," he said, taking the bag.  "He made about sixty thousand counting money and checks, there were three sets of keys in there, a diamond ring, and a cock ring as well.  I did not take a swab of it since I thought it was probably his."

"He went to a gay bar to get away from straight women last night," Calleigh told him.

"Should I go get it and swab it?" Ryan asked.

"He's at the satellite lab.  He can if we need him to," Horatio assured him.  "What was the red box?"

"It had a single Ford key inside."  He shrugged.  "I'd ask what caused the problem but I'm not sure I want to know.  It's got to make you want to be a hermit."  He walked off again.  "Stetler's been here and sneered then left and vowed to come back later," he called as he walked.

"Thank you for the warning," Calleigh called after him.  She looked at Horatio, letting him see the list.  He shook his head, walking off to call Xander while she ran the registration on the guns.  When one didn't come up as his she called.  "Who is David Gunn?"  He told her and she nodded, marking that down.  "No, the shotgun's not registered to you, it's in his name."  She nodded again. "Please do."  She hung up.  That meant they could go back to him.  Horatio came in to get her report on that.  "I want to see his exemplar."

He smiled.  "He has some of it hidden as a fake wall, Calleigh."  He took the guns with him to put back into the car.  Stetler found him down there.  "Making sure she didn't drop anything else."

"Wolfe miss anything?" he sneered.

"No."  He came back out.  "We have to give this back to the victim."

"He went to a gay bar?"

"To get away from the women who normally tip him,"  Horatio agreed.  "He was trying to be good.  She took her girlfriend's gun and handcuffs."

"Whatever," he growled.  "The tape?"

"Mr. Wolfe was doing that."  He paged him to come down.  Ryan came down with the clothes rebagged.  "We're giving them back?"

"She took a plea," he pointed out.  "Besides, that t-shirt will warp the other evidence by proxy."  He held up the refolded and properly bagged t-shirt so Stetler could see the saying, watching him blanche.  "Yeah, that's why it's going home with him."  He tossed it onto the guns.  "The tapes show him in cuffs, protesting, and her asking his opinion.  At one point he did snap at her, which made her sniffle.  He got the kicked puppy look and gave her an opinion, getting a kiss for it.  She told him she was going to get the last bag of things while he waited in the car, walking him out and locking him in it.  Then she came back and shot the owner out of his sight.  He had no idea until this morning from what Detective Tripp said."  Stetler nodded once at that.  "He was very good at doing the complaining.  He clearly did not want to be there.  His statement of how he got free matched her statement.  He did fix the injury he caused while getting free, that's why he drug her in cuffed to him instead of properly cuffed.  She had dislocated her shoulder during the melee in the backseat."

"How often do I have to deal with these things?" Stetler demanded of Horatio.

Horatio shrugged. "He tries very hard not to go out, Rick.  He is a social sort who needs people around him.  Down in the satellite lab he only has Gerald and Speed."  He shuddered at that.  "By the way, I talked with Bob."

"I'll be doing it later," he vowed.

"Make sure he has a janitor."  He looked at Ryan.  "Anything that would indicate Xander was a cooperative hostage?"

"No, he looked really bored.  A been there, done this bored."

"By his own words, this is the third one this year," Horatio told him.

"No wonder he was bored.  Other than that everything clears him, boss."  He looked at Stetler.  "Do you need my reports too?"

"Yes."

"Sure, I can do that."  He went to make copies for him.

Horatio looked at him.  "He did try."  Rick stomped off, heading out to the lab to talk to Bob in person and get some of this aggression out.  Horatio tapped an officer who was wandering around to take Xander's car back to him.   Then he went to talk to Frank and John.  He was sure they had questions as well.  Xander trudged in an hour later.  "Xander?"

"Stetler had me kicked out of my lab for the week."

"Why?"

"I don't know.  I was hoping you did.  Was I fired for being kidnaped?"

"I'll ask," he promised.  "Sit, Xander."  Xander sat down, waving listlessly at Frank and John.  He called him personally.  "Rick, why did you remove my intern from his lab?"  He listened to him.  "He doesn't need counseling, Rick."

"I need a milkshake.  It's my usual therapy after these things," Xander said grimly.  He scowled at Calleigh.  "Butt IAB boy kicked me out of my lab."

She snatched the phone from Horatio.  "You had better have a *damn* good reason for interfering with my intern's job," she said coldly.  She listened to him splutter.  "Yes you will.  He's under my control as my intern and Speedle's.  You want him out of that lab  you'd better bring evidence and you'd better bring the Chief.  I'll expect you within two hours."  She hung up and gave Xander a hug.  "It's all right, Xander.  Come on, you can work with Charlene."

"All my coats are there."

"We have a few spares.  You can wear Eric's spare one."  She hauled him up and walked him that way.  "Eric, he's borrowing your spare lab coat," she called before grabbing it.

He waved a hand.  "Sure."  He smiled at her back.  "She's in full out mother hen mode," he told Valera, who nodded.  "I wonder what happened now?"

"I don't know."  They watched Stetler stomp in and winced when he slammed the door to Ballistics, then Charlene came scurrying out.  She waved her inside.  "What's going on?"

"Stetler thinks Xander needs therapy, which I won't argue with."  She smoothed down her hair.  "I'm going to hide before he decides he's warped the rest of us."  She went to the break room, nodding at Horatio and Frank, pointing.  "They're in there."

Horatio walked into ballistics, letting Frank guard the door.  "Rick," he said calmly.  "I doubt therapy is going to help him."

"This problem...."

"Is pheromone based," Calleigh told him.  "I ran the sweat samples myself."  She glared at him, making him back off.  "He could probably use some for the combat trauma, what those girls did to him, and that stuff but I doubt he needs it because of this since it's been going on for a few years now."

"Nine," Xander put in.  "Post graduation road trip was the first time.  I was stripping that night and I sucked, but I made almost three grand.  Even though I didn't get fully naked and I had no rhythm."

Stetler looked at him.  "Why were you stripping?"

"My car blew up.  I had to make money to get it fixed somehow.  I also slept with the mechanic to get six hundred knocked off the cost and to get it fixed faster.  It was expedient."

"That's under the heading of 'we all make stupid mistakes at eighteen'," she assured him, giving him a pat on the back.  "Sit down, Xander."  He sat down, looking at her.  "Now, do you think therapy could help you with anything?"

"I doubt a therapist would understand what I used to fight and what happened.  As for the rest, I clean my guns.  It's good meditation."   She smiled at him and pointed for Stetler's benefit.  He looked at him. "I know you know what I used to do."

"Now," he admitted, crossing his arms.

"Do you really think some PD shrink is going to understand that?"

"No," he admitted.  "I think your former friends probably knew a few."

"They got blown up a few years back.  They were also in England."  Stetler grimaced.  "Sorry, that was a precursor to the last battle in Sunnydale.  They blew up the Watchers...."  He groaned and grabbed his head, grabbing Calleigh to hold onto.  He panted, breathing through it.  "We're going to get raided here."  He looked at Horatio.  "Not today, but soon.  We'll be raided.   It's ... masks, guns, tech 9's.   Skater?"  He came out of it, breathing deeply, calming himself down.  "You were wearing black.  I don't know when it was.  I know they're going to come in through the elevator.  Skaters and a game show up prominently.  Ryan was playing a video game."

Horatio nodded.  "If we catch a case where we need those things, I'll make sure we have extra security."

"Speed was here.  Someone's tampering with his gun."  He looked at Calleigh.  "I cleaned it for him last week and it worked but today it was gummy inside.  He didn't know how.  I took fingerprints for him and had Gerald send them back quietly to you guys."

"I'll check," Horatio promised.  "Did you do his apartment?"

"No, he said he didn't think they got it there.  Maybe in his locker out at the lab."

"I'll make sure," Horatio promised. "Did you see anything else?"

"A funny looking mask.  Not ski masks, other mask.  Painted red and black.  I couldn't identify it, it was blurred."

"Anything shine out as important?"

"Ryan playing a video game and a skater.  The shoe skates."

"I'll keep that in mind," Horatio promised. "Need anything?"

"Sanity.  To beat my ex that blessed me with these."  He looked at him.  "Do the dead really hear when we curse their names?"

"Possibly," he admitted.  Xander nodded, resting against his arm.  "Go get a soda, Xander."  He shook his head.  "No?"

"No, just tired.  It was a long night.  I had plans on going to sleep after my apartment started to drive me nuts."  He yawned.  "Sorry.  Don't mean to look bad."

"You were kidnaped, Xander.  I didn't figure you got any sleep," Calleigh assured him.  "Go nap in the firing pen or the exemplar."  He nodded, going to do that.  She looked at Stetler.  "Well?  Anything else you want to try to make him do that won't help him?"

"He can get help with the combat trauma if we prep the shrink right," he noted coolly.  "It could help him in other ways.  Plus help where those girls warped him.  His theory on football got back to me."

Horatio smirked.  "He's twenty-eight, Rick.  At this age, what is it going to matter?  He's not going to marry a woman.  He wants to raise dogs."

"That's probably a better idea," Stetler said grimly.

"If he needs to talk, he can talk to Speed, me, or Horatio," she reminded him.

"Fine.  I want him watched more closely for those things."  He glared at Horatio.  "No wonder you didn't want to tell me."

"It's one of the reasons he got sent to our storage room," Calleigh said quietly.  "Then most of his friends died in a final battle."  Stetler went pale.  "One he wasn't allowed to help in.  So butt out."

"Fine.  You have it under control.  What about afterward?"

"Can we remove Bob from the satellite lab, put Speed in charge out there, and leave him out there?" Calleigh suggested.

"Speed would kill you," Horatio said patiently.

"So?  Bob let someone spread fecal material on a wall!  I'm sorry but I don't want that lab associated with this one until he's gone."

"Agreed," Horatio said.  "I talked to him for three hours this morning."  She snorted, giving him a look.  "It will be fixed, Calleigh.  I'm doing spot inspections."

"Uh-huh.  I'll have Ryan go do it."  She went to find Ryan.  "Ryan?"  He grinned at her.  "Go do a spot inspection of ballistics and trace at the satellite lab for me please?"  She smiled sweetly.  "Bob's back.  Oh, tell him Xander will be back tomorrow.  Stetler wanted him to seek incident counseling but has relented under pressure from reality."  He nodded, going to do that for her.  She went back to ballistics.  "There, Ryan will do very well to do the spot inspections, Horatio."  She smiled sweetly.  "He's also telling Bob that Xander will be back tomorrow since Rick has so nicely seen the error of incident counseling being necessary for him."

"Thank you, Calleigh," he said.  Rick growled but left.  "That was so bad."

"Yay."   She went to peek in on Xander, smiling at his light snoring and how he was cuddled around a machine gun.  She waved Horatio in, letting her grab her camera so she could take a picture of it.  She went to have it printed off and put next to her computer while he walked out shaking his head, going to check on those fingerprints. She'd get Xander up when she went home later that night, and make sure he ate.

***

Ryan walked into the satellite lab, taking off his sunglasses.  "Hi, Speed."  He looked out of Trace.  "Calleigh sent me to do a spot check of Xander's labs and to tell you that Stetler has said he does not need incident counseling.  He'll be back tomorrow.  She has him napping in the exemplar cabinet at the moment."  He showed the picture she had sent to his phone, making Speed smirk.  "Ballistics?"

"It's not necessary.  I made sure it's clean earlier."

"I think they wanted me because I'm Miami's only OCD tech."  Speed shook his head, pointing at AV.  "I forgot Gerald was down here.  Gerald, need anything cleaning wise?"

"New janitor."

"H said he was getting you guys one."  He went into ballistics to snoop around.  He found a few samples of something but nothing unusual for a day's work.  "He cleans when?"

"Usually every morning and again before he goes home," Speed said from the doorway.  "Really, I can do this.  Any word on the fingerprints?"

"He told Horatio and Calleigh.  I was eavesdropping.  How would they have gotten to your gun?" he asked more quietly.   He grimaced.  "Never mind.  Eric said you leave yours at night.  You could call H and check.  Stetler stomped off about when I left."

Speed called him.  "It's me.  She sicced Ryan on us?"  He listened then laughed.  "That'll work.  Any word on who?"  He smirked.  "I like that answer.  Thank you.  Yeah, he showed me the picture.  That's fine.  As long as he makes it in tomorrow.  Want me to tell Bob anything?"  He listened, then shook his head.  "Spank her for me."  He hung up.  "Bob, Xander's been cleared for duty again starting tomorrow.  Right now he's napping in Calleigh's exemplar closet around an AK."

"Why was he taken out?" he asked from his office.

"Stetler wanted him to get post-incident counseling for the kidnaping," Ryan told him.  He came out and went to Trace.  He blinked.  "Where's the machines?"

Speed snickered.  "This is what the lab used to look like, Wolfe.  Horatio sent us this when your lab got updated.  Though one is missing.  It blew a fuse and wouldn't come back on.  The tech took it back to the shop for a few days."

"Man!  If you need stuff run priority, send it to me."

"I'll send Xander to run it in person," he agreed dryly.  Ryan gave him an odd look.  "It's his minor.  That and field work."

"Wow.  I didn't even have the option of a minor."  He shook his head. "UCLA's program must be a lot more strict than the one I went through."  He took a swab and capped it.  "Left a sample out?"

"I was running it.  Has the machine spit out an answer yet?"  Ryan put it next to it.  "Thanks.  Anything else, OCD one?" he asked dryly.

"Not that I can see.  I saw the original pictures."  He shrugged.  "She'll probably send me back now and then to make spot inspections of his work areas to make sure.  It's one thing the OCD is good for."

Bob gave him an odd look. "Caine knows you're OCD, right?"

"Yeah, it's a good thing around the lab.  It means I'm very meticulous."

"I'd never put up with that.  Gerald and I fight about his."

Ryan snickered.  "I'm much worse than Gerald is.  That's why I got sent to inspect his work areas for Calleigh."  Bob just nodded.  "Anyway, he'll be back in the morning on time we hope.  How has he been doing?" he asked Speed.  "Alexx wanted to know."

"He's good.  He's fast.  He's accurate.  The only problem I've ever had with Xander was he wanted to work faster than he should a few times.  He's probably as trained as you are.  He had some areas he was weaker in but I drilled those into his head when we were at the main lab that weekend."

"Cool.  If you want a copy of that picture I'm sure she'd make you one."  He waved.  "I'm going to head back to the main lab.  Need me to bring anything that way?"

"He had two reports he was working on," Speed admitted, going to look them over.  He was mid-spell check on one.  So he finished then printed it.  "Tell her he was checking them over for her."  He handed them and the samples over.  "All hers."

"Thanks, Speed.  Let me know if you need our lab."  He walked out, taking them back to Calleigh to check over.  It was a nice afternoon for a drive.  Traffic was light.  He even got a burger on the way back, nibbling in the hummer.  He had missed lunch.  He walked in, making sure he didn't look like he had eaten a burger.  That would be counted as misuse of county property and IAB was still hanging around.  "Calleigh, his samples of the day.  Speed said he was running a check on them.  He finished a spell check."  She nodded, taking them to put onto her desk.  "Both labs and layout were very clean.  Xander had some daily use grit on one table but nothing that spoke of it being built up.  Though the counters are a bit dingy.  The floor too.  Could use some new wax."  She nodded at that, smiling a bit.  "Bob looked really horrified at me having OCD.  I showed Speed the picture and he grinned.  Anything else?"

"Nope, that's good enough for me.  Thank you."

"You're welcome.  I told him to call you if he wanted his own copy."  She smiled and nodded so he went to tell Horatio the same thing before he went back to work wrapping up his last case.  The judge would still need their paperwork even though she had taken a deal.

***

Horatio drove Xander home that night.  He was still too tired to fully wake up.  It was adorable and they told the guards to leave his car alone, that he was an exhausted intern.  He walked him inside, much to his landlord's amusement.  "He was kidnaped last night," he said quietly.  He took Xander's keys out of his pocket and let him into his apartment, seeing a late teenage, dark blond boy in there.  "You are?"

"Connor.  What happened to Xander?"  He took him and pointed him at the bed.  "Look, bed."  Xander grumbled but went to lay on the couch.  "Okay."  He shrugged.  "You would be?"

"Lieutenant Caine."

"The Horatio he spoke of?"  Horatio nodded.  "Cool.  See that he reads that tomorrow.  We found it in one of the books and we wanted to make sure he knew.  Since he's still mad at us...."

"Do you blame him?" Horatio asked.

"Not really.  It was a mean way of sending him down."

"It nearly did make it so no one would ever hire him."

"We would've taken care of him."

"Really?"

"Really.  Oh, tell him Wes's lawyer wants a call too."

"Why?" Xander mumbled.

"Your inheritance, dipshit."

Xander flipped him off.  "Go lay a squid."

"No, she's dead, remember."  Xander flipped him off again, flipping onto his other side.  "Anyway, he needs that and to call Wes's lawyer.  Plus someone sent him stuff at the office so we left it on his bed."  Horatio nodded.  "Is he well taken care of?"

"He is, or at least I think he is."

"Good.  I see his mom is already set up out here," he said, nodding at the stack of menus.  "Try to get him to eat a more varied diet?  He complains when he's had too much cheese and it's really TMI.  Even Gunn thought it was TMI."  Xander grunted.  "No, you sleep.  Eat pizza later."  He looked at Horatio again.   "Good luck.  He's a great guy, just kinda odd and a bit picky."  He left through the extra doorway in the back of the closet, closing it so it'd disappear.

Horatio looked at the envelope, putting it and the ones from the bed together.  He smiled at Xander's snoring.  He was cute this way.  He looked much younger and more carefree.  Xander grunted again.  "Just me, Xander," he said quietly, pulling down a throw to cover him.  Xander snuffled his arm then patted it.  "Good boy.  You sleep.  I'll talk to you tomorrow.  Read your mail when you get up."  Xander nodded, flipping in the other direction.  "Good boy.  We do appreciate you."   He left, making sure the door was locked behind him.  He ran into the landlord in the entry again.  "He was too tired to drive."

"It happens now and then I guess.  What's that extra wall?  The insurance guy wanted to know."

"It's a collection he likes to hide from others," he told him.  "I'm trying to find him a better and more secure place to put it."

"Makes sense.  You are?"  Horatio held up his badge.  "Ah.  He said he was with the lab."

"I'm over the dayshift lab."

"Good ta know.  Should I stuff his full mailbox of stuff up under his door?"

"Possibly," he admitted.  "Are we concerned about it?"

"Not really.  Mostly ads.  The mailman was giving it an odd look earlier."

"Then I would do that," he agreed.  The guy handed him the stack.  Horatio looked at the package.  "Any idea?"

"Not a one."

Horatio went back upstairs to put it in with the other mail.  His door was very easily popped with an ID card.  Xander threw something at him.  "Just me, Xander.  I picked up your mail.  Read it before you come in tomorrow.  Connor left you something."

"Fucking hell," he muttered, giving him a bleary look.  "How did I get home?"

"I drove you."

"My car?"

"The lab.  Cab over tomorrow to get it."  Xander nodded.  "Plus your paycheck."  Xander nodded again.  "Good boy.  Now, rest.  Eat dinner later."  He snorted, sitting up to take the mail.  "The plain one came from Connor.  The others were on your bed."

"Wonderful."  He opened that one to glance over, handing it to him.  "You wanted to know."  He opened up the other three.  "Any other mystical messages of doom?"

"Call Wesley's lawyer about your inheritance."

"I can do that."  He frowned at one card.  "Who in the bloody hell were you?" he muttered, looking at the picture.  "I don't know you, woman.  I haven't even been in LA recently."  He handed it to Horatio, dirty picture, check, and all.  "I don't want that."  He opened the other one, looking at the cash.  "Huh."  He looked at the note then snorted, handing it to him as well.  "This one was a bribe.  I'm not even on that case."

Horatio smirked. "I'll let someone know."  He handed back the first one.  "I don't think that's a bribe."

"No, I think she was one of Tanya's coworkers or something."  He shrugged.  "I don't need the six hundred bucks."  Horatio walked out smiling.  Xander went through the rest of the mail, smiling at his new brush kit for his field kit, and then got to work on the prophecy they had found.   Someone was going to have to solve it.  That's what he was there for.  Someone tapped on his door so he went to look out the peephole, groaning a bit.  "Tanya, I'm not up for company, dear.  Go away.  Remember, I am a cop and I will have to turn you back in."

"But, Xander, I love you and I miss your tongue," she complained.  "Please, baby?  They can arrest me after sex.  Just like last time."

Xander groaned, texting Speed before he opened the door.  He looked at her.  "Why don't you run like a normal criminal?"

"That takes money."  She shrugged.  "I'm only average down here.  Way too many breast jobs."  She walked in, seeing the picture.  "Hey, Sweetie Pie.  How is she?"

"Not a clue, she mailed that to Gunn."  She beamed and kissed him.  He groaned.  "I've had a shitty day, Tan.  I got kidnaped again last night."

"Oooh, poor Xanny."  She curled up in his lap to make it all better.  Once he was nearly unconscious again she went to cook dinner for him.  Someone knocked and she bounced over, smiling at the two men there.  "Hi.  Does Xanny know you?"

"Ma'am, I'm Ryan Wolfe and this is CSI Delko, we're with the crime lab.  Can we come in?"

"Sure.  Do you work with Xanny?  I know he does that.  He looks so hot with a gun," she hissed, making Eric smirk and nod.  "Is he doing okay?"

"He's doing just fine," Eric assured her.  "You're Tanya, aren't you?  He told us you were very good to him while you were dating."

She patted him on the arm.  "We're still dating.  Let me rescue dinner from the oven and then we can talk about Xanny's lab stuff.  Not that I understand it really but it looks cool on the tv in the mental center I was in."  She went to do that, coming out to tuck Xander in again.  "Sorry, I wore him out."

"That's perfectly reasonable.  He had a bad day," Ryan assured her.  "You do know that we should arrest you, right?"

"Well, yeah," she admitted, giving him a sheepish look.  "But can I cook for him?  He'll *starve* if I don't.  He'll wither away and then his next girlfriend won't get that really great tongue of his and no one will get to dance with him or help him buy new t-shirts or anything.  Pwease?"

"One hour," Eric ordered.  She beamed and hugged him, going to do that.  He sat down where he could watch her, looking at the fake wall behind him.  "What's this?"

"Oh, that's probably my pookie's artillery.  He's like that," she said happily.  "If you think he's hot with a gun you should see him with a sword or an RPG launcher."  She beamed and went back to chopping stuff.

Ryan pulled out his phone to show her the picture from earlier, making her coo.  "I'll see if I can get you a copy to take with you."

"Thank you, sweetie."   She pinched his cheek and got back to work.  "Should I make you guys something too?  I'm sure you work very hard.  Xanny always did.  Always with the eighty hour weeks and all the bad guys he helped bring in while he was on field work assignments and the four terrorists he helped capture."

"He did?" Ryan asked.  "He didn't tell us about those."

"It's very hush-hush.  He was helping the FBI with a guy who sold weapons.  They noticed he was a bit odd colored and didn't know what to do so they asked around and got told to ask my pookie.  So Xander went undercover and helped bust him.  Oooh, and that's how he got the garlic bombs and the holy water bombs too."  She beamed proudly and went back to work.  "Besides, he spent a lot of time knocking bad guys off my breasts.  He was very sweet to do that when they wanted to taste them because I never turn tricks."

"He told us you didn't," Eric agreed.  She got back to work.  "Any other special assignments he had out there?"

"Well, there was the one on the docks but I think that was for Angel or something."  She flicked a hand in the air.  "Angel appreciated my Xanny but he always wanted him to go away.  They were not good friends.  Angel spent a lot of time groaning at my Xanny's t- shirt of the day.  He just didn't understand his sense of humor at all or how humor can make even bad things better for a while."  She looked at him.  "Who had my pookie this time?"

"She's in jail," Ryan assured her.  "She took him to go rob a pawn shop so she could get sparkly things."

"Huh.  If I see her she's toasty.  No one hurts my Xanny and he hates being handcuffed.  It gives him nightmares from Angel."  She pouted, but went back to work.  "Can I have a teensy bit longer?  This one needs to cook for fifty minutes."

"Sure," Eric agreed.  She beamed and got back to work on the casserole.  Then she started on a few more things that would get done about the same time.  The microwave almost woke Xander.  "Sleep,  Xander.  H had us come watch over you."  Xander grunted and shifted, sprawling out like a kitty cat before going back to sleep.

She smiled at him, coming out to pounce him again since all she could do was wait for things to get done.  He growled in her ear.  "Let me, Xanny.  It's all good."  She went down on him, making him have happy dreams and pat her on the head.  "Should I bark?"

"No, barking bad.  Dogs nice but not like that," he mumbled, opening his eyes partway.  "What are you still doing here?"

"Cooking."  She smiled and went down on him again, making him hum and fall back asleep when he came.  "There, that's better."  She got up to turn on his alarm clock just in case he didn't get up tonight - like he usually did - and went to check on the other food.  When things came out she let Ryan help her wrap them in the foil she found for the fridge.  She was finally done and started some dish water, leaving the dirty dishes in there for him.  "There, that's better.  He likes to do dishes now and then when I cook.  It's how we worked things out," she shared to Ryan.

"That seems like a good way to do it.  You done?"

She looked around, making sure the stove was off.  Then she beamed and nodded, letting them walk her out.  She even gave them the spare keys she had made the last time she was in so they could lock her poor baby in.  She beamed at Eric.  "So, what do you do in the lab?"

"I'm a field person," he told her.

"Wow.  I bet that's hard work."

"It is.  A lot of bending over and searching.  Some lifting."  He got her into the back of the hummer, Ryan in front with him.  "We really should handcuff you."

"I'll be a good girl and I won't even share smutty Xanny thoughts with you," she promised, holding up three fingers.  "Girl Scout's honor."

"I think it'll be okay with that promise," Ryan told him.

"Let's hope so."

"If I broke it Xanny would become mean and spank me.  I haven't broken it since the last time when he told me I could not go after the person who shot at him on a scene.  He spanks really hard.  Though the nice detective didn't believe I had stabbed him for hurting my pookie."

"That's fine, we can tell Detective Hagen.  He's waiting to hear all about that stuff," Ryan told her.

"Cool.  Do you think I'm still pretty?  Xander said I was but the home wasn't very good for my skin.  They wouldn't even let me have lotion after I used it to choke the girl who tried to give my Xanny drugs that could kill him or turn him into a carrot."

"I think you could use a bit of lotion but otherwise you're still very pretty, Tanya," Eric assured her, pulling out into traffic to get her back to the station.  She chatted happily the whole trip, making them both smile.  She sounded like a bit of an airhead but a very devoted and loving girlfriend.  Who just happened to have killed twenty-one people to protect her boyfriend.  They walked her in, waving at Hagen to follow them.  He joined them with a tape recorder and some tapes.  Eric smiled.  "Detective John Hagen, this is Tanya, Xander's ex-girlfriend.  She has all sorts of Xander stories she wants to tell someone about because we didn't know he had worked with the FBI, taken down a terrorist, or anything like that."

"He doesn't get to do that down here?" she asked.

"He's mostly been in the lab," Ryan said, pulling out a chair.  "Here you go.  It's not very comfortable."

"That's okay.  Pookie said I had a very well padded butt, perfect for squeezing.  The chair won't ruin that tonight."  She smiled at John.  "What did you want to know?  About him going undercover to bust a big, meany arms dealer?  Or the terrorists?  Or what he helped Angel with?"

"Let's start with some general questions, make sure you're who you say you are.  Someone somewhere will want to know," he told her.  He sat across from her, turning on the tape recorder.  "I'm here with Tanya..."

"Pertusin.  That's one 's' and one 't'."

John made that note on the next tape.  "That'll work.  Now, you escaped a federal mental health facility, right?"

"I missed my pookie.  He was starving without me to cook for him and all sorts of women were hitting on him to warp him more.  He didn't need that.  One of them might have warped him so his tongue wasn't as special and good as it used to be.  Then what would women do without it?"  She leaned closer.  "He's *very* good in bed.  Or the couch,  or the kitchen.  Or my dressing room, or really anywhere.  Though I did have to talk him into sex outside a few times.  His ex, the stupid one, almost ruined that fun for me."

"I can see how that's a problem," John agreed.  Mentally he was shaking his head.  He'd never date a girl like her.  "So, how did you meet Xander?"

"He came in one night.  His buddies that he worked with wanted him to forget the poodle lady that had taken him the night before and made him groom her puppies as foreplay."  He nodded once.  "So they brought him in and I gave him the super special lap dance that I only do for the really nice guys who tip very well.  He tipped and he bought me a drink because he used to strip when his car was broken down so he understood about me drinking virgin stuff that night.  We talked and Xander told me he can't cook.  The poor boy was going to starve.  He needed me!"

"She cooked him a lot of food for the next few days while we watched her," Ryan told him.

"That's good of her," John agreed.  "The mother hens around here worry about him eating too.  Especially since he calls his menu collection mom."

"His parents didn't even own a stove," she said with a small shrug.  "She was apparently very evil in the kitchen too.  Did you know that Xander nearly poisoned a whole floor of the FBI by accident?"  They all shook their heads.  "One of them stole his lunch and another one nibbled before Xander realized it.  Then another one tried to see what was wrong with it. By the time Xander realized it about twelve agents were on their way to the ER."  John smiled at that.  "Have you eaten his cooking?  Now and then he used to bring something to work that he had cooked for suspects.  He said it helped sometimes."

"I think he's talked to Horatio about that," Eric told her.  He was so getting blackmail material on Xander for the next time he wore an ungodly t-shirt!

"Is he the yummy redhead in the really nice suit?" she asked him, getting a nod.  "He was kinda a sweetie.  He brought Xander home tonight.  Walked him up there, talked to snarling boy, tucked him in.  He's very sweet.  They would look very hot together."

"I think he's taken," Ryan told her.  Eric nodded, giving him an odd look behind her back.  Ryan grinned.  "I saw him out on a date last month," he told Eric.  "Not like I'm one to care who he's seeing but he looked happy at the fair."

"Good to know," Eric said dryly.

"Let's get back to talking to her about Xander," John ordered.  "We can talk about Horatio's love life later, boys."  He looked at her.  "Sorry, sometimes they're boys."

"All boys are like that.  I'm sure you get that way now and then with the balding one."

He nodded.  "Now and then with Horatio too."  He smiled.  "He worked with the FBI?"

"Xanny?  Yeah, a few times.  They needed him."

Xander found the message on his windshield to come inside, groaning as he trudged in there.  He signed in and headed to find Horatio in his office with John and Frank waiting.  "What did she tell you?  Sex in the park?  Sex on the docks?  Sex right before an apocalypse?"

"You nearly killing a few Feds by letting them nibble your lunch," Frank told him.

"I was in the other room working on something for them," Xander defended.  "It's not my fault they nibbled on my lunch.  Besides, who else were they going to call about a demonic arms dealer with seven arms?"

John smirked at him.  "You didn't mention that at all, kid."

"No one asked.  I thought the LA evaluations would include theirs."

"No, it didn't," Horatio told him.  "I did call out there to get one from them."  He handed it over.  Xander snickered at the large 'he's a smartass, watch out for the t-shirts, don't eat his cooking' written across the top of the paper.  He looked at him.  "You could count those hours."

"No I can't.  It was undercover, I can't count them because they're not lab related.  Just good experience and a crossover from my work with Angel."  He sat down.  "What else did she tell you?"

"She blew you while Delko and Wolfe were watching her?" Frank asked.

Xander thought back. "They were there?"  They all nodded. "Huh.  Well, not the first time.  Anya used to like to jump me wherever she could.  People and little kids or animals watching never bothered her and she made real sure I wasn't ever going to be shy again.  What else?"

"Terrorist?"

"Care Bear convention," he defended.  "She considers them terrorists."

Horatio coughed, flipping the page on the evaluation. "Intern Harris was most helpful in the apprehension of Salid Al Mufat," Horatio read.  Xander groaned, covering his face.  "After said man on the Watch List had taken him for his opinions on sports to try to straighten him out and to add to his personal harem...."  He looked at him.  "He did realize you weren't female?"

"Yeah, he was going to castrate me until I pointed out I was snipped, no kids possible."   He gave him a look.  "I was in Hollywood at a club with Cordy, who was still trying to be an actress.  He saw me there.  He heard someone talking to me about soccer and basketball and decided I was warping Cordy and that should be stopped.  So he took me.  Fortunately I can act scared shitless very well but I did covet his weapons collection and we talked about various missile systems for the three days he had me.  The FBI agent was even nice enough to write me an excuse for my psych final I missed."

John shook his head.  "Anything else we should know about?"

He looked at the list of topics to ask about then at him.  "She didn't tell you about the weekend vacation Angel sent us on to get us away from him for a while?  She made him groan more than I did so he sent us to tour wine country and a chocolate factory.  She squealed and tried to jump into a vat, tugging me along no matter how much I tried to stop her.   The owner of the plant agreed I had been trying to stop her and the cops were *very* nice when they heard her plans to pounce me in the chocolate so we could have hyperactive sex.  Because chocolate still makes me bouncy."  Frank turned around to laugh against the window.  "Not kidding."  He looked at Horatio.  "I thought it'd be in the stuff LA sent since I couldn't count it for hours.  I concentrated on what I could count for hours with the stuff I handed you at first, Horatio.  I'm sorry if you're upset.  I was a good boy with them too.  I was very helpful and only snarked back at one asshole who didn't know why they brought me in.  Then again it was the same guy who stole me back from Mufat."

"You do know that Delko and Wolfe might get in trouble for letting her cook for you?"

"I'm very appreciative they did.  Tan's a great cook and I can spend this paycheck to fix the car instead."  He looked at John, shrugging a bit.  "I was asleep, Detective.  I didn't even know they were there.  Or else I wouldn't have let her blow me with them watching."

"You're never going to be allowed to date again, kid," Frank told him dryly.

"I want to raise dogs.  It's safer, Detective Tripp.  She was my most normal girlfriend to date."  He stood up.  "How much more teasing do I have to put up with?"

"I think Delko was looking at it as blackmail when your t-shirts gave him a migraine," John told him, staring him down.

"Everyone needs some levity," Xander corrected.  "It makes the long, bad days go a bit faster and easier."  Everyone's but his phone went off.  "I can go back to work?"

"Horatio," Horatio answered, holding up a finger to stop him.  "I'll be right there."  He hung up.  "I turned that bribe in to IAB here and had Rick send it back to LA so they'd know.  I did point out you weren't associated with the case and he made note of that.  You may have to give a statement about that."  Xander nodded, going back to serious.  John and Frank left.  "Did you find out who the other was?"

"Yeah, she was a feature dancer Tan used to work with who called herself Sweetie Pie.  I sent it back with a nice letter about how long distance relationships never worked and I wasn't going to get time off from work for at least a year."

"That'll work.  Go to work, I've already told Bob we were calling you in to talk about your ex."  He stood up.  "We have a bank robbery."

Xander grimaced, holding his head.  "That's the case."

Horatio stared at him then nodded. "Understood."

"Need me?"

"Probably not.  If I think I do, I'll call."  Xander nodded, heading out to try to start his car and go to the satellite lab.  He walked out, finding him kicking the side of his car.  "Won't start?"

"No."

"Go work in ballistics then, Xander.  I'll tell Bob on the way to the bank."  He got into his hummer, watching Xander grab some things from the trunk and head back in.  He called Speed's phone.  "Give it to Bob."  He backed out, turning on the lights and sirens when he was going forward.  "It's Horatio.  Xander's working in ballistics here today.  No, his ex was a fugitive after she escaped her mental confinement," he said, pulling onto the main road.  "She had killed twenty-one people, was convicted of killing sixteen, and they sent her for mental help, Bob.  She showed up to cook for Xander and get sex last night.  We needed a final statement.  His car won't start.  So I'm letting him work with us today because we have a bank robbery that Eric nearly got shot during.  I'll send him over when Calleigh's done with him."  He hung up, speeding up now that his full attention was on the road.

***

Xander was rubbing his forehead again, making Calleigh give him wary looks.  "Gun?" he asked finally.

"We're finished with all the guns, Xander."

"No, I need a gun."  He went into the exemplar to grab one, loading it quickly and coming out, staring at the elevator.  It opened and he went into slow motion movement.  He saw the guys coming out with automatic weapons.  "Freeze, Miami-Dade PD!" he yelled, pulling up his.  Others came out to stop them with him.  He got one in the leg.  Another one tried to break the line and got hit in the stomach.  The other tried to get into the elevator.  He ran after him and pounced him against the far wall, knocking him out.  He pushed the button and got them off, handing him over.  "Here, I think he's yours," he told Horatio, handing Calleigh the gun.  "I'll start the paperwork," he said at the odd looks he was getting.  He slunk back into ballistics.

"Okay, what happened?" Eric demanded.

"I don't know.  He was antsy.  He asked for a gun.  He loaded one.  He came out, and two minutes later I hear him yell!" Calleigh complained.

Horatio looked at her.  "You heard him the other day, Calleigh," he said quietly.  "Skater, video game?  Lab assault?" he hissed in her ear.  She gave him a horrified look.  He nodded.  "Go help him with the post shooting paperwork.  Clean this area up," he ordered.  "I want them in interrogation now!  Alexx can have the one who's dead."  They went to do that, getting back to work.

Eric stopped him by grabbing his arm.  "He said what?"

"He has visions," he said very quietly, staring at him.  "He had one about this the last time he was in.  All he knew was skaters, video game, and a lab assault."  He looked at his suit. "And me wearing black."

Eric let him go.  "He's blessed."

"He said his ex Cordelia cursed him," he admitted.

"I guess it can be.  This must be about the robbery."  He went to help where he could.  He was a victim so he couldn't directly work the case.  Ryan and Calleigh had no end of evidence.  He went to help Xander with the paperwork since Calleigh was busy, clapping him on the back.  "You okay?"

Xander looked at him.  "I hunted for nearly eleven years total, Eric.  It's not the first time I've had to hurt something.  The first time I've had to hurt people but not the first time I've had to fire on something.  Thanks for asking though."  The lab phone rang.  "Ballistics, Intern Harris speaking," he said, sounding professional.  "No, Speed, it's all right.  The three guys were stopped before they got much farther than the elevator."  He listened to him rant, groaning a bit.  "Speed, really.  Not even a scratch here.  Here, talk to Eric.  He was nearly shot this morning at the bank."  He handed it over, getting back to the very long paperwork.  Stetler stomped in so he pointed at the gun.  "I borrowed it from the exemplar."  He looked at him.  "You heard me when I had it.  Do you want me to include that in this paperwork or in another set?"

Stetler looked at him.  "Do it regulation.  Let me weed it out."  Xander went back to fix one entry then went back to what he had done.  "You fired how many shots?"

"Five.  Then one got back into the elevator so I pounced him into the wall.  He might have a concussion," he said as he typed.  He had to backspace and fix a word then went on.  "Before you ask, the correction was me not putting my middle name on the form.  I was trying to avoid that."

"You don't use your middle name?" Eric teased.

"I don't like my middle name.  Different things bother different people."   He frowned, going back to reading the next section.  He looked at him then pointed.  "Can I just put a no there?  I mean, they were in the building.  What did they want me to do?  Scream and faint?"

"Put that there.  The review board will adore it," Stetler said dryly.

"Horatio will spank you, stay clinical and cold," Eric ordered.

Xander nodded, citing his reasons why he had to fire a weapon in the police station.  When that one was done, there was another one waiting on him.  "Jesus, I thought the FBI had paperwork when you gave an agent food poisoning," he complained, filling out the same information on that form.

"I heard," Eric assured him.

Xander looked at him.  "I'm sorry you had to watch her blow me while I was half asleep.  If I had realized you guys were there I would've stopped her.  But thank you for letting her cook.  I need to fix my car.  It won't start."  He went back to the form.  "How do I up the font?" he asked finally.  "I don't have my small text glasses with me."  Stetler did it for him.  "Thank you."  He got back to work, growling at the next one.  He glared at Stetler.  "Can't you photocopy?"

"No."  He pointed at the computer.  "Finish up.  You've still got work out there I'm sure."

"I probably do.  I still need a ride and a tow for my car since it won't start."  He got back to work.  "That's why I'm here today."

"No premeditation?" Stetler demanded.

"Horatio had to give me a ride home last night, Stetler.  I was dead tired and he put me to sleep on my couch.  Then my ex showed up.   The sex was still good while we waited for someone to come pick her up.  I came in this morning to be teased over whatever embarrassing stories she had told about me and when I went to leave my car wouldn't start.  Horatio told me to stay here today."

"Which is a good thing.  Boa Vista was alone in evidence with the door open," Calleigh said from the doorway.  "They probably would've killed her if you hadn't stopped them."  She came in to give him a hug.  "I know you don't like her."

"Feeling's mutual," he complained.  "No mush at work.  You told me I couldn't be mushy."

She played with his hair.  "I know I did.  You've done a good job today."  She looked at the form.  "Only six more," she teased.

He looked around her at Stetler. "It's the same form, can't you photocopy it already?"

"No.  It's to make sure you won't do it again," he said smugly.

"Fine, next time I won't save anyone's life," he complained.  He got back to work, letting Calleigh and Eric talk over his head about what was going on with that case.  "My question is how did they get up here?"  They all quit talking so he looked at them.  "If we have to sign in each time we leave the lab to go pee in the locker room, how did three guys with guns get up into the elevator?"

"The receptionist was on lunch and no one had taken her spot," Calleigh told him.  He just nodded.  "She's incredibly pissed at her replacement for not showing up.  She came up to throw herself at Horatio's mercy already.  Good question, Xander."  He barked.  She and Eric both laughed, making her give him another hug.  "Only a few more.  Then you can go back to your own lab."  He nodded, sighing a bit as he got back to work.

"You forgot, he has to give a formal statement," Stetler told them.  "Especially since he saw them first."

"Duh, I saw them a few days ago," Xander said dryly.  He glared at him.  "First you think I premeditated it and then you ignore it?  Pick a stance, dude, you're dancing like you're on hot coals."  He went back to work on the paperwork.  "I'm glad this isn't on paper forms.  It'd denude a forest for one incident."  He finally finished and hit the next button, which sent it.  "There!  Now can I go play with my guns?"

"Statement," Stetler said, pointing at the hallway. "We'll use Caine's office."  Xander trudged that way, shaking his head at the looks he got.  He followed him.  "You're right, next time don't save anybody."

"I've been doing it now for years.  It's a hard habit to get out of," Xander complained.  He walked into Horatio's office, flopping down on his couch.  "Before you say a word, you might as well get Horatio up here."

"He'll hear it later."  He faced him down, then found the form he needed in the filing cabinet and a pen.  "As a matter of not going on the record, when did you know this was the case?"

"When Horatio got the call that it was a bank robbery.  My car still wouldn't start this morning.  He caught me kicking it in frustration."

Rick looked at him.  "Convenient."

"No, it's a POS car.  It does this every few days.  I need a new POS car with different problems.  Something in the humidity gums up the engine somehow."

"Uh-huh."  He made a note of that on a post-it, putting it on top of the form.  "When did you know there was a problem?"

"I got antsy right before they came off the elevator.  You can put it down to combat trauma and a bad shit radar if you want.  It works better than my gaydar does."

Stetler looked at him.  "No joking."

"I'm not.  I've caught snipers the same way.  I have a very good spidey sense."  He shrugged then looked outside.  "Speaking of snipers."  He pointed.  "Who's that?"

Stetler came over to look then called someone.  "There's a body in a tree at the end of the parking lot with a rifle," he noted.  "Go find out who and arrest them if they're alive."  He hung up, watching as officers ran out.  The guy didn't move.  One of them climbed up the tree while they watched, then shook his head.  "Someone posed a dead body in a tree with a rifle?  Why?"

"Taunting.  I could do this and you didn't even see me," Xander said bluntly, looking at him.  "I had to study some serial killer stuff because of my ex.  Have you talked to her yet?"

"I saw the tapes," he admitted, going back to the report.  Alexx was on her way out there with a bag.  They'd get him down somehow.  "So, how long before they came out of the elevator?"

"Five minutes at the most.  I started to get a headache too.  So I asked for a gun.  Calleigh got confused.  I went to load a gun.  I was in the doorway for about a minute when they came out.  Masks, guns held up.  No way were they dropping off evidence.  So I shouted, as is protocol, and one took a shot.  I shot back, got one in the leg.  I got another in the stomach, that's when Horatio and Eric showed up, with Ryan right behind them.  One of them got him in the chest, the guy with the leg shot got it from Horatio if I remember right, he took him in the shoulder.  I think Horatio or Eric shot the dead guy at about the same time.  I sorta kinda saw Horatio move out of the corner of my eye.  The last guy ran.  I pounced him in the elevator and ran his head into the wall."

Stetler finished making that note, looking at him.  "You did shout?"

"Yeah.  Miami-Dade PD, freeze.  That's protocol, right?"

"That's protocol, even when it happens inside the station," he agreed, writing that down.  "I'm sure the tapes will back you up?"

"They should.  I guess."  He shrugged.  "I'm very photogenic now and then so they should."  Stetler gave him a dirty look.  "Sorry, can't help it.  It helps ease the tension."

Stetler stared at him.  "First human?"  Xander nodded.  "If you have to be sick, aim for the trash can."

"I've got my puke later reflexes down pat, Stetler.  It happens after every fight."

"That's probably a good sign."

"I'd hope so but it makes dinner interesting some nights."

"No joking."

"Sorry.  It's how I'm made."  He looked over as Eric came in with his forms.  "Were we supposed to print those out?  I hit the next button and it sent them."

Stetler grabbed the phone to call someone.  "Put a hold on Harris' paperwork," he ordered.  "He didn't print them out for prior approval.  I'm doing that now."  He listened, then groaned.  "I told him to put that in there," he said.  He glared at Harris.

"You told me to include that," he defended.  "I'm not getting the glared at look for that.  It's not like you told me to print it and not send it."

"Fine."  He listened.  "Exactly.  No, his car wouldn't start this morning.  I'm going over that right now, sir.  Yes, sir.  Yes, sir, him.  Thank you, sir."   He hung up.  "It was referred to the Chief.  He likes you?"

"He met me after Wes had me knocked out and put into the storage closet."

"Interesting."  He went back to it, taking Delko's paperwork to look over.  "How many shots did you fire?"

"I think three, I haven't done a bullet count to make sure."  Xander reached over to take his gun and do it for him.  "That'll work since you are a ballistics tech."

Xander finished.  "Including the one in the chamber he has six bullets."  He looked at it.  "This is a nine shooter?" he asked Eric, who nodded.  "They do make a fifteen clip," he admitted, handing it back once it was reloaded.  "I did not chamber one."

"That's fine," Stetler told him, marking that on Eric's form.  "Get Caine's gun for me."  Eric went to do that.  He looked at him.  "Did it look like a fifteen clip?"

"I have God's own headache at the moment.  My sight's a bit blurry.  It's a good thing I can touch type," he said quietly.

"Caffeine?"

"No, this is instead of the puking."

"Lay down if you need to.  There's only seven more questions."

"Can't you put 'see page' and a number with a question number?"  Xander laid down, holding his head.  Horatio walked in his gun, letting him do a bullet count.  "Four shots off his clip, counting the one in the chamber."  He reloaded and handed it back.  "Didn't chamber one, Horatio."

Horatio stared at him for a minute.  "The tylenol's in the second desk drawer, Rick."  He got it and tossed it over, letting Xander take a few dry.  "When you're done...."

"I have to check in at the other lab," Xander said firmly.  "I'm not making someone else do my damn work.  You know me better than that by now.  Besides, Speed called to fuss already."

"That's fine," Horatio said calmly.  "I can call and check."

"I'm fine.  It's just a headache.  Cordy's visions nearly ripped her brain apart."

"Why?" Stetler asked.

Xander looked at him.  "Because the Powers hated her in different ways so they made it strong enough that a human mind couldn't handle it.  She had to be changed to a part- squid demon to handle the visions.  Mine aren't as strong as hers so I've got about ten years before my brain starts to screw itself with these."  He looked up again.  "I'll be fine in a few, guys.  Really.  Next question?"

Stetler looked.  "Do you have permission to carry?"  Xander tossed over his wallet, letting him dig out his firearms card.  "Permission to carry concealed."

"I pointed out I was a lab tech, technically a member of the department but not totally licensed, but I am a ballistics tech."  Horatio caught it and handed it back.  "Was Ryan shocked when he found the three guns in the car?  Because he missed one.  There's one under the spare tire in that flap compartment in case I get shoved in the trunk."

"Since nothing happened back there he didn't pull out the tire," Horatio told him, smiling a bit.  "Any other questions, Rick?"

He looked at the form, holding it up.  "Yes.  You can drive him to the other lab in a few."  Horatio nodded, leaving them alone.  "You better yet?"

"Slowly."  He sat up, looking at him.  "Next question?"

***

Horatio looked up as the Assistant District Attorney walked into his office.  "What can I do for you?" he said politely.

"Who is the ballistics tech in the Quaram case?"  He put down his briefcase while Horatio looked it up.  He saw the hesitation.  "One of the interns?"

"Yes, but not the standard intern."  He looked at him.  "This intern is running ballistics at the satellite lab.  He's over half done and he's been pulling full-time tech hours," he said honestly.  "He's also subbed in at the LAPD labs and with the FBI for some cases."  The prosecutor looked a bit impressed at that.  "I will warn you that he is a bit AHD.  His attention can wander but his main problem is the hyperactivity."

"Hyperactive?"

"Very.  Especially on chocolate."  That got a smirk.  "He's also twenty-eight."

"Okay.  Anything I should be aware of coming from the defense's investigations in him?"

"A non-standard combat history," Horatio said, getting up to close the office door, looking at him.  "He's the one who appeared in the storage closet."

"I've heard about that and why," he admitted.  "His combat history is related?"  Horatio nodded.  "Anything else?"

"He has a personal exemplar.  With artillery."  That got a slower nod and a less happy look.  "He's very stable.  It was his life before and now he's protecting Miami while he's here," he said quietly.  "He also has a disability."

"The attention problems?"

"No, he's missing an eye.  He is fully rated for field work.  He trained after he lost it."  He called down there.  "Are you busy?"  He smiled and put him on speaker.  "Xander, I'm here with ADA Perkins."

"Hey," Xander said, sounding a bit tired.  He yawned.  "Sorry, nothing's going on down here and I was contemplating using my break for a twenty minute nap.  What's up?"

"You are being called on the Quaram case," Perkins told him.

"Okay.  Are you going to give me the file or am I expected to bring it to reference from?" Xander asked, turning serious and less tired.   "I'm not fully new at this.  I had a few times of almost being called in LA and once on the stand."

"You bring the file," Perkins told him.  "Wear formal clothes.  Tie, shirt...."

"No tie, sorry," Xander told him.  "I have strangulation issues.  You'll get me neat, clean, in court clothes including nice dress shirt and nice dress pants, all pressed.  Shiny shoes, matching socks, my hair done.  Probably my glasses in case I need to read from the file.  You won't get me into a tie even when I'm dead."

"I do think it'd be better," Horatio said.

"Horatio, I've been strangled and nearly died from it twice.   You won't even get me with the top button buttoned," Xander said  honestly.  "I'll go in making uptight congressmen proud of my looks but you won't get me in a tie or a button cover.  Sorry."

"Fine, have Horatio or someone here vet  your attire before you show up," Perkins said.  "We're being called at nine Tuesday morning."

"Sure, I can be there," Xander said, and a few beeps happened.  "Put it into my watch alarm.  Should I tell Bob I'll be late that morning since I don't have to show up here until ten?"

"Let him know it's a court appearance, Xander," Horatio said.  "Has he said anything about Tanya or Stetler?  Or the shooting review?"

"He's giving me funny looks from the doorway.  Bob, I'm being called to testify in the Quaram case Tuesday at nine," he said.  They heard a quiet voice on the other side.  "No, no word on when the shooting review board is.  I'll call Stetler in a minute to see."  His voice came back closer to the phone.  "Unless you know, Horatio?"

"I haven't heard a thing and as far as I know there's not going to be a full board, just his decision," Horatio offered.  The ADA looked at him oddly.  "Xander was here when we had some people bust in with automatic weapons.  He got two of them," he said proudly.

"It's good he protects you as well.  The lawyer on the other side is a Scott Pershings, Mr. Harris."

"Xander's fine," Xander assured him.  "Highbrow, mental games, anything I should be aware of?"

"He's a bit on the odd and evil side," he admitted.

"Dear, I used to work at Wolfram and Hart in LA after Angel took over that branch," Xander said dryly.  "I've seen real evil plenty of times.  Evil doesn't bother me, stupid people and people who wear paisley with plaid do.  Speed, spank Gerald.  That's worse than my t-shirts," he called.  "Bermuda shorts and a paisley dress shirt, Horatio."

"Dress code is up to Bob out there," Horatio said patiently.  "Anything you'll need from here?"

"No, I keep a copy of all my reports," Xander assured him.  "I know I'm not to come armed, even with a belt knife.  Or a pocket knife.  I'll be shiny and out of the package new that day, guys.  Don't worry about it.  When do you want to go over the testimony?"

"Did they prep you last time?" Perkins asked.

"My ADHD was a bit stricter at that time.  It was near finals and my first time being called at all.  I can run drills with Speed since we're both bored stupid out here."

"That'll work," Horatio agreed.  "I'll let you get back to your reading, Xander."  He hung up.  "They don't have much work out there."

"I know the satellite lab has almost no work.  Should I prep him?"

"Up to you.  Speed will probably like having something new to do.  He's prepped other interns in the past."

"Good point.  What sort of worker is he?"

"Meticulous.  His first day out there he cleaned.  He had to clean but he did clean.  He's got a major and two minors."  The prosecutor looked impressed at that.  "He's out of the UCLA program. He was the fifth highest rated ballistics tech in the nation in his graduating  year.  He writes good reports that're easily understood."

"I saw that.  Why non-technical?"

"He was told that there would be a lawyer somewhere who couldn't read it," Horatio said with a dry smirk.

"Yeah, usually my underlings.   I'll check with Speed the day before to make sure he's prepped."  He grabbed his briefcase and left him alone, going to check with Calleigh.  "Your intern Harris is up for testimony."

She smiled and shrugged.  "He's more than capable of it, Doug.  Don't let the goofy kid exterior and the bad t-shirts fool you into thinking he's an easy guy.  He's not.  I've had him back here helping the other interns when they needed it."

"Good to know.  Should I worry about Speed prepping him?"

"No.  He'll be fine.  I heard he had to do some work with the FBI before he graduated.  I'm sure he learned how not to be a smartass on the stand."

"So he's like Speed?"

"A bit," she admitted.  "Only he's a happy guy most of the time, almost goofy.  He's got t- shirts that cause headaches and nightmares."  That got a nod.  "Make sure he's got good clothes."

"He said he'd come in making senators proud."

"Then I'm sure it'll be fine.  I'm wondering if he wears ugly ties," she said, considering it.

"He said he can't wear one.  He's been strangled twice," he said blandly.

"Not really all that unexpected," she admitted.  She shrugged.  "He should be fine."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He left, going back to his office.  If they said he'd be fine he'd have to trust them.

***

Xander opened the door at Speed's knock the night before his testimony, giving him an odd look.  "What's wrong?"

"I came to make sure your clothes were fine," he said, heading for the bedroom.  He looked in the closet.  "Xander, dress clothes?" he said patiently.  "You said you had some."

Xander locked the door, grabbing another piece of pizza before walking in there.  He pulled out a trunk and looked inside, then pushed it back under the bed and pulled out the other one, hauling it onto the bed for easier picking through.  "Black, gray, green, blue, or midnight purple?" he asked, opening it to show the nicely folded, in plastic bags from the dry cleaner, suits.  Speed gaped.  "I dated a snarly, fashionable cheerleader," he said blandly.  "Plus a few of the kidnapers, Speed.  Patterns or not to patterns is my usual question.  The dark purple looks good on me but it's got a thin pinstripe."

"Which one is the most comfortable that makes you look like a lawyer?"

Xander looked and pulled out two suits, then one from the bottom of the bag.  "I'll have to steam that one since it got wrinkled."   He let Speed look at them.  "The medium gray and the light gray are both tested in combat.  Twice in the light gray one's case.  The medium blue's the one I got for my undercover work with the FBI.  I have coordinating shirts, black shirts, and one off-white one if we want me to wear that instead."

"Ties?"

"I've nearly been killed twice by strangulation, Speed.  I don't own a tie," Xander said dryly.  "The ADA knows this.  I told him."

Speed looked at him.  "Kidnaping?"

"Um, no.  Faith liked to try breathplay and she broke me in.  The second time I went to see her, to try to bring her back to the group, she nearly killed me and Angel saved me after I had blacked out.   The other one was Angel when he lost his soul."

"Oh," he said quietly.  "Any have bad memories?"

"All combat is a bad memory," Xander pointed out.  He looked and pulled out one inky black suit.  "That's a microfiber weave that someone was trying out.  She had taken me and I haven't worn it yet.  She did fit it to me."  He tried on the jacket and moved his arms.  "It's fairly loose and comfortable."

Speed looked at him, then shrugged.  "Okay.  Wear one of them that you want.  You're sure you're ready?"

"I'm ready," he promised, taking off the jacket and putting the others back.   He kept that one and the light gray out, looking at the dress shirts.  "Black, blue?  Other color?  They both go with nearly everything."

Speed looked at the bag of shirts, then at him.  "Did you dry clean them and leave them in there on purpose?"

"Yup, makes finding them easier."  He opened that bag, pulling out a few of his favorite shirts.  One got tossed in a corner.  It had a large stain.  "Demon goo."  He looked at the black one then grabbed his blacklight out of his case, shining it over it.  "Blood."  He put that aside.  The other black one got pulled out.  It was black silk and he looked at it, putting it aside.  "Black or other color for the black one?"

"The dark blue," he ordered.  Xander pulled that one out, laying it in there.  The two fabrics didn't look right so he put that silk shirt back and pulled out a plainer cotton one.  That looked better against the more shiny fabric.  He put the others back into the trunk and closed it, putting it back under the bed.  Then he found his steamer, waving it.  "See, I can even hang them and do them."

"H would complain if he saw how you kept those."

"Cordy did too.  She claimed they needed to breathe.  I told her if my suits were breathing we'd have problems when it tried to eat me or possess me."  Speed snickered.  "Not kidding!  My green one had that problem.   You can't tell where I had to stab it to kill the thing inhabiting it.  The repair job is very good."

Speed shook his head, walking out, slamming the door behind him.

Xander shrugged and went to hang them both up and steam them.  Then he got back to his dinner and his research on the new problem.  Not like it'd give up and beg when it saw him.

***

Xander weathered Speed's fussing over his clothes.  He looked good enough to pick up women, he was in a suit, it'd be fine.  He finally got called in and took his seat.  The defense attorney was setting off his bad shit radar but he wasn't sure why yet.  It was making it hard to keep his mind on his answers.  The ADA got him some water, making him smile.  "Thank you."  He finished his testimony and the defense attorney stepped up, staring at him for a minute.  That's when Xander realized who he was.  He had seen his profile in the system at W&H.  The judge cleared her throat when no questions had been asked in a few minutes' time.  Xander casually sipped his water and put it down beside his foot, looking at his phone when it beeped.  He turned off the alarm and smiled at the judge.  "Sorry.  The boss checking to see if I was done yet."  He silenced that alarm and looked at him again.  "I'm pretty, but you can talk to me, not just stare," he said when nothing got said.

"I'm gathering my thoughts."

"Go ahead and gather away," Xander told him, shifting so he looked more comfortable in the hard chair, staring back.

"Mr. Harris, are you a full CSI?"

"I believe I'm about five hundred and a few hours away from that in my major and about three hundred in my minor," he admitted.   "Within five months I'll be a fully fledged CSI."

The lawyer paused again, staring at him.  "What qualifications do you have to do this work?"

"My training program at UCLA, my in-school internship at Sack's Academy for my ballistics major, and two others for my minors, plus I subbed in at the LAPD lab before I graduated when one of their techs was on maternity leave."

He stared at him again, staring into his eyes.  "Are you a combat veteran?"

"I've never been in the military," he told him.  "I have had to help defend a few places while I worked there.  When a coworker took over Wolfram and Hart in LA I had to help a few times when the building was attacked by someone.  Up to and including disarming a bomb."

He blinked and stared at him then backed up a step.  "You worked with Angel."

"I did.  And Fred, Wes, Gunn, all of us.  Even Cordy."  He grinned a bit.  "I did a lot of  hours and experiments in the lab out there.  I know you work for the local branch and that the branch out there did revert when Angel died."

"It did," he agreed, staring at him again.  It was a longer pause this time.  He finally sneered.  "Are you qualified to run tests on your own?"

"I was when I subbed in at the LAPD labs.  I'm more than qualified to run a comparison sample through the computer.  Technically you can train a chimp to do that part of the job.  All there is to the test is lining it up properly in the view panel and hitting three buttons."  The lawyer paused again, making Xander stare back.  He even smirked a bit.  "Do you need my water, sir?  You look a bit flustered."

"No, I'm fine.  I'm trying to figure you out."

Xander shrugged.  "Have fun with that," he said dryly.  The judge coughed and gave him a dirty look.  "Really, my psychological profile has nothing to do with this case.  If he's trying to determine if I'm competent to run the tests, I am.  If he's trying to discredit me, going after me in a psychological manner isn't the best way and it's going to probably frustrate him later.  Even if he is trying to read my mind it won't work."

"You believe in telepathy?" the defense attorney said, looking almost triumphant.

"No, but I believe you hired the man in the green and blue suit behind your employer's seat to tell you what I'm thinking by whatever means he thinks he can," Xander said, staring back.  "That's the purpose of their job I do believe."

The lawyer looked then at him, looking startled.  "How did you know that?"

"I did work at Wolfram and Hart in other areas than the lab," Xander said dryly.

The man glared at him.  "You're a smartass."

"I'm fairly certain that's not a crime," Xander said, shrugging a bit.  "It simply makes life more interesting around me.  You should see some of my smartass t-shirts," he finished with a grin.  The man took another step back, looking scared now.   He sipped his water and put it back down, putting his glasses into his suitcoat pocket so he could rub his glass eye.  He looked at his phone when nothing else was going on, getting another throat clearing from the judge.  "I felt it vibrate and since he's not talking I thought I'd see what my boss wanted, Your Honor."  He grinned at her.  "He's the only one I have it on vibrate for."  He looked at the lawyer again.  "Are we done?"

"No," he said hotly, moving closer again. "Do you know what your team did in LA?"

"Saved a few people," he said blandly, nodding a bit.  "We're like that.  Or most of them were.  Most of them seem to have died in the last few months from various problems."  He stared him down, letting him see he knew why they had died.  The man backed up again.  He finished his water and put the glass back down so he wouldn't fidget with it.

The lawyer looked at his consultant then at him again.  "Are you aware of the Panathea Complex Theory?"

Xander considered it then nodded.  "Yeah, it's a paradox principle based on the Grandfather clause when someone has to go back and prevent an incident from happening that only impacts a few lives instead of mass lives.  It's basically another version of the theories that the show _Quantum Leap_ was based off of," he admitted.  "Why?"

"You're well versed in physics?"

"I prefer hands-on instead of theory," Xander admitted.  "Again, why?  Nothing to do with this case, sir.  Your client's a mechanic, he deals with different laws of physics and trajectory didn't come into play so there shouldn't be any physics related to this case."  He looked at the prosecutor, who looked confused.  He typed something into his phone by touch and sent it, still looking at him.

"What are you doing?"

"I texted my boss to tell him this was running long since you're taking another five minute pause for thought," Xander told him.  "That way he knows when I'll be in."

"I see."  He stared at him.  "If you had to do what my client did to save someone, would you?"

Xander looked at him.  "I've had to save others before, in many ways," he said quietly, staring him down.  "I don't have a preferred method of saving lives.  I'm fairly practical about saving lives.  If I have to jump in, I have to jump in.  If I have to hit someone with a bat, I have to hit someone with a bat.  A guy who was mugging one of my neighbors learned that this morning."  This was getting a bit creepy.

"You were in the lead at that lab assault at the main lab?"

"I was there.  I spotted them first and I fired first," Xander told him.  "IAB has said it was a justified shooting and congratulated me for saving lives."

"If you had to sacrifice someone to save others, would you?"

"I'd like to think I could work around that," Xander told him.  "I have in the past."

The man nodded.  "Then you've looked over the book on Dionysus in the main library?"

"I read it one night while I was waiting on someone to show up with files," he said, mentally shuddering.  That was on the biohazard lab at the old W&H building.  "It was a fact-filled, boring read," Xander told him.  "Fairly comprehensive for a confession."

"Is this relevant?" the judge asked.

"Making sure he is who he says he is, Your Honor," the defense attorney said, watching Xander's fingers tap in his pocket.  "Your boss?"

Xander pulled out his phone to show him.  "No, tetris.  Since you have to *pause* so often."

"How did you get your phone in here?" the judge asked.  "Usually they confiscate them?"

Xander grinned his most harmless and goofy grin.  "I'm still on-call as a backup field tech."

"Oh.  That makes sense.  Do continue if you must," the Judge ordered, waving a hand.

The defense attorney coughed, staring at him.  Xander stared back.  "If you had to do what my client did, would you?"

"I'd never beat my ex-girlfriend or shoot her after beating her," Xander said patiently.  "I'm not like that.  Never was, even when one of my exes ended up being a serial killer.  The girls who raised me hated it when I hit back."

"They hit you?"

"Yeah, Willow had a nasty habit of swatting and slapping.  She's a girl though, they do that."

"Uh-huh," the Judge said, looking at him.  "Are *they* in jail?"

Xander grinned.  "Cleveland."

"Close enough."  She glared at the defense attorney.  "Any other questions?"

"Just one."  He looked at Xander.  "You know about the Adaptable project?"

"I wasn't directly involved with that.  Fred had something to do with it.  Not me."

"Hmm.  Interesting.  Yet your name's on one of the forms?"

"Probably an order form.  She hated doing them."

He pulled out a form, handing it over.  "Is that an order form?"

Xander looked at it, pulling back out his glasses.  "No, this is a small experiment I was doing for Chem 4," Xander said, handing it back.  "It was cleared by the teacher and Fred.  It got me out of a few lecture classes.  As you can see, my hypothesis was found valid but too dangerous to do in a regular lab.  Fortunately the old building had a biohazard section that let me do it in there."

"Was it contaminated perhaps?"

"No, I made sure I wasn't in there when the germ warfare people were."

"A law firm with a germ warfare department?" the ADA asked.  "I'm confused."

"It was part of the building when my former coworker and boss took it over," Xander told him.  "The old Wolfram and Hart had ties back to that stuff."  He looked at the defense attorney again.  "As I do believe it was one of your relatives in there?  You look an awful lot like Dougie Blasterns."

"He's my cousin," he admitted quietly.  He stepped back.  "Do tell him I said hello when you go back to see him."

Xander stared at him.  He knew very well the guy was dead.  His experiment had eaten him.  "I don't foresee going back anytime soon."

"Perhaps you should catch up?  It would be good for those still out there on your old team to catch up with what's been going on.  Maybe even the caseworker at the FBI?  I'm sure he wants to hear from you."

Xander just nodded at that.  "I'll take that under advisement."

"Then I have no further questions for him, Your Honor."

"You can step down, Mr. Harris."

Xander nodded, looking at the prosecutor, giving him a slight shrug as he handed him the glass.  He headed back to his house, calling Bob on the way.  "Give me another hour?  The lawyer raised a point I have to look up.  No, not a ballistics point, Bob."  He hung up, parking his car suddenly and heading inside the Ethereal Realms Bookshop.  The owner gave him a horrified look.  "A local henchman for Wolfram and Hart was just talking about something they were doing months ago and a paradox principle.  I need what's coming up.  Do you have the Dovoran Codex?"  She pointed a shaky hand and he went to look it up, swearing in Latin as he brought it back.  He handed over his credit card.  "I need this."

"It's a four thousand dollar book."

Xander looked at her then pointed at the name on the card.  "If you know, I'm probably familiar."  She looked then went pale, charging him but giving him a nice ten percent discount.  He smiled.  "I'm also a seer.  I hate the Powers."  He walked out, going to get the prophecy from home.  Something wasn't adding up.  He walked it into Horatio's office a few minutes later, putting down the paper and then the book.  "I need some time off in a few days to handle something."

Horatio stared at him.  "Important?"

"Do you want Miami to look like Pompeii?"

Horatio just nodded at that.  "When?"

Xander looked at the prophecy, then pointed at his desk calendar.  "Three days.  Those three."

"Agreeable."  He handed him the form and Xander filled it out, signing it with a flourish.  He walked off with the prophecy inside the book, heading back to the other lab once Horatio had given him a copy of it.  He walked into Bob's office, handing it to him.  "One of my former coworkers in LA is reopening a biohazard lab I helped shut," he said quietly.  "He's stupid and going to destroy half the US.  I'm being recalled."  Not quite a lie.  Someone was going to have to stop the lab from doing something soon.

Bob looked at him. "They make Feds for that."

"He is a Fed.  The lawyer this morning works for the same government funded law firm and let it slip on the stand in code."

"Damn.  How long?"

"Three days.  I'll be out of town and unreachable.  It butts against a weekend."

"You have leave time for interviews," he admitted.

Xander gave him a look.  "Bob, I'm already over hours for the month because I'm not pulling intern hours," he said dryly.  "Even if I'm only counting intern hours and using some of the extra toward the minors."

"Point.  Fine.  Tell Speedle.  I know Caine wants him in this office."

"No, he knows Speed'll kill him if he makes him do more paperwork."   He walked into the trace lab, looking at Speed.  "I sucked in physics," he said quietly.

"I saw your grades," he said, giving him a look from his sample.  "What's that?"

"A book, Speed.  On a very obscure paradox principle.  He's using it to do something bad in LA."

"Going?"

"Three days, early next week."

"Fine. Make sure Calleigh knows."  Xander nodded, going to take his book back over there and get to work on his few samples.  Speed watched him go.  He was not goofy, happy Xander at the moment.  He was clearly warrior Xander and it was almost scary the way he was staring and focusing.  Now he knew what someone saving the world looked like.  It wasn't James Bond.

***

Xander tapped on Horatio's door later that night.  "You alone?"

"I am," he said, letting him inside.  "What's going on?"

Xander closed the door, staring at him.  "Someone at W&H is going to do something wrong with the biohazard lab and release it on a demon, who's going to come here to destroy Miami," he said bluntly.  "It's going to be ashes and cinders.  Not even as nice as Pompeii was."

"What do you need me to do?"

"I need you to make sure nothing serious changes.  It should only change for a few lives out there if I do it right. Of course, it's going to be before I got here."  Horatio gave him an odd look.  "He also mentioned there might be need to be a sacrifice," he said quietly.  "I'm not sure yet.  I will try to not make it so."

"You do what you have to do so others are protected, Xander," he said gently, staring at him.  "You always have."

"I've always worked around it before," he admitted.  He followed him to the living room, sitting down to stare at him.  "The old law firm was deep in the demonic," he said quietly, sliding something over.  "If I do not show up for work, open that.  I won't be intersecting with myself back then.  Too deep of a paradox."  Horatio nodded, putting it inside his pocket.  "If I do not come back, everything, and I do mean everything, is up to you to deal with.  My artillery can be used, destroyed, or kept for the next one.  There's a young slayer down in Homestead.  She might need some of them.  The suits are yours if you want them, they're in a trunk under the bed.  Speed said you'd yell at me for that but sorry.  Easier that way.  They won't infect and make my t-shirts uptight.  Make sure Giles gets my battle axe and my katana."  He stood up.  "It's going to be messy but out there as far as I know.  If I'm right, I'll reappear that night with what needs to happen and it'll be okay.  If not, make sure I'm at that battle if I'm back.  It'll be lesser but still have destruction capabilities and we don't want that to happen to Miami.  The pretty people would hate it."  He shook his hand.  "I've loved working with you guys.  Tell whoever whatever you need to if I don't come back.  If I don't make it to the battle, an RPG or the rocket launcher would be advisable.  I have one with a titanium and exothermic tip, use it."  He walked out, heading to find what he needed to.  He found the town's Overlord, nodding at him.  "I'm ready."

"You can't do it, Xander."

"I can and I will or we're all ashes."

"There's...."

Xander held up a hand.  "Even Wolfram and Hart said it was necessary.  The Powers hate me.  Of course they're making me do the impossible.  Like surviving the battles with the First Evil, it has to happen.  I'm it in this case unless you think you can unstubborn Buffy?"

"No."  He snapped his fingers and someone stepped closer, looking at him.  "Send him."

"Where?"

"LA.  One day before I started to work for the FBI," Xander told her.  She gave him a look.  "It's this or everyone dies and the world goes too after a week of sheer hell and armageddon."

She nodded.  "Then we'll send you."  She came forward, taking off her gloves to touch his hands, staring into his eyes.  "Good hunts."

"You as well.  Protect my city."  He closed his eyes and the twisting in his guts started, making him cry out as he disappeared.

She looked at her boss. "I hope he knows what he's doing."

"I do too," he admitted quietly, walking her back to his limo.  He nodded at the half- demon staring at him in horror just in sight of what had happeend.  "We'd all die if we didn't."

"At least he asked for leave time," he complained.

The Overlord gave him a gentle smile.  "He is said to play very well just inside the system until something happens.  I'm sure his boss knows."

The other one snorted, shaking his head.  "Not that he'll ever admit.  He's a pain in the ass that way."

***

Xander landed with a groan of pain, going down to one knee, holding his stomach.  He panted until it passed, hearing a quiet 'are you okay' from next to him.  He looked up at a familiar face, letting him help him up.  "I'm fine, thank you, Professor Epps."

"Are you in one of my classes?"

Xander shook his head.  "No, but we should talk.  You're going to meet me tomorrow.  Well, me then tomorrow."

"Um..."  He looked at him.  Then at his watch then back at him.  "How?"

"I need advice anyway.  Can we talk?"

"Is it very important?"

"Very.  As in the fate of the world."

"Do I know you?"

"You will.  Your brother's going to be finding me tomorrow to help him with an arms dealer.  I'm CSI intern Harris out of the UCLA program."  That got a simple nod.  "I'm also the Last Knight of Sunnydale."  The man went a bit pale.   He knew it was the authority in his voice and maybe some rumors from the underground.  Cal Sci had a few Watchers taking classes there and a few Sunnydale residents. "We need to talk.  I have three paths and it's going to come down to a probability.  Math is not my strong suit."

"Come to my office.  Can...can I tell...?"

"Sure, get Larry.  I liked Larry.  He's the same sort of thinker I am," Xander told him.

"You know Larry?"

Xander grinned.  "I will by tomorrow evening."  He looked around then at him.  "Let me make this so you can verify some things.  Tomorrow, your brother is going to go looking for help on a case that involves arms dealing from people who aren't...normal," he said, finding a better word than 'human' since they were in the open.  "As far as I know he's going to hear about me from the LAPD labs, where I've temped in recently.  He'll find out I'm working with Angel at the Wolfram and Hart offices, but we took them from the organization a few months back," he said quietly, staring him down.  "I'm their arms person and the whole LAPD knows this.  He's going to be referred to me and I'll know this person very well.  That'll happen on the third."

"Which is tomorrow," he said.  "Do you...."

"Yes, I am afflicted with visions from the Powers," he said quietly, glancing around then back at him.  "When he finds this is true, he's going to come to you demanding to know if you know about the other world that exists with this one.  Larry does.  Larry studied chaos."

He coughed.  "My office."

"Sure.  Or we can wait until you've made sure I'm not some random crackpot with delusions.  I have a few days."

"I think we'd better get started on this now."  He walked him that way.  "Why come to me?"

"Because I was all over UCLA.  All the time.  There's no way I won't run into myself.  Also, this involves the old Wolfram and Hart labs.  There's people there doing very bad things.  Your brother needs to stop them once I'm gone.  They're a disease lab," he said, holding the door open.  "You have the thoughts that I need to make sure I'm not mis- stepping and creating a huge paradox.  I can use the Panathea Complex Theory, which is a chaos magic theory of smaller paradox as opposed to world-wide paradox, to solve it.  I need to figure out the least sticking points I need to use.  My personal way would be to go in as myself now and solve it."  He opened his office door with a grin.  "This one?"

"This one," he agreed, walking inside.  He found his girlfriend and assistant Amita in there.  "Can you grab Larry please?"  She nodded, leaving them alone.  He looked at him.  "I don't want her involved."

"She hates me anyway," Xander said dryly.  "I was raised by some very warping girly girls, Charlie."  He grinned.  "It's why Don'll get very mad at me for calling football gay sex in teams in about four days."

Charlie moaned, sitting down.  "He's going to hate you."

"He's really going to hate me when someone nibbles on my lunch and starts off a chain of food poisoning," Xander offered, sitting down across from him.  Larry and Amita came back.  "Ma'am, I know you're brilliant but this is going to get into theories of chaos and it's not your sort of math.  Beyond the fact that I can't clear you for this project.  Can I ask you to give us a few hours?"

"I've got a very high security clearance," she told him.

"I know someone who's doing biological warfare weapons in downtown LA and their lab's about to go up."   She went pale.  "I need them, ma'am.  It's more their areas."

"I can understand that.  Do you need his brother?"

"He'll know soon.  We have to do something and then bring proof to him."

She nodded.  "Okay.  I'll let you boys talk."  She grabbed her laptop and bag, heading out.

Xander took off his watch, handing it to Larry.  "That was right when I woke up this morning," he told him.

He looked at it then at him.  "How?"

Xander grinned.  "I'm not quite Quantum Leaping but there's now two of me.  Look really shocked when you see me tomorrow night, okay?"

"Charles, are you sure...."

Xander coughed. "You studied under Sigmund Rosevelt while in high school," he told him blandly.  Larry sat down looking very pale.  "I'm having to deal with the Panathea Complex Theory to save all of the world, starting in this town and then Miami."

He handed back the watch.  "Who?"

"Wolfram and Hart.  They're behind a few things.  Angel doesn't realize that some of the lab geeks down there are doing their own work to bring back the glory of the organization.  I know what I have to stop so Don can come in and stop it with mundane ways.   I have three ways of doing it and I need to find the way of creating the least paradox."

"Where are you now?"

"UCLA, taking a psychology test," Xander admitted.  "I'm in the forensics program as one of the top ballistics techs."  He grinned.  "I know it's shocking but I'm also the Last Knight of Sunnydale."

"You're...."  He spluttered.  "You're a myth."  Xander popped out his eye, holding it up.  "No.  No, no, you're a myth."  He stood back up.  Xander put his eye back in and moved his shirt collar.  He whimpered.  "You're still a myth."

"Who's going to be sent to Miami to handle their issues," Xander told him gently.  "I'm not going to harm LA.   I'm here to protect things and people until we can get this situation down to normal, mundane ways, Larry."

He swallowed, letting Charlie help him sit down again.  "What's your plan?  I know you can."

"I have to destroy three projects before I'm sent to Miami.  Then I have to wait until my normal time and go fight the first Miami battle, which should block all the others from occurring.  If not, Miami will be ashes within a month.  The world will go a week later.  It'll pull a hellmouth down to Miami before it dies if I don't."

Larry pursed his lips, nodding.  "All right.  We can help.  We need details to figure out when and how."

Xander nodded, picking up a pen and a notepad.  "Can I use this?"

"Go ahead," Charlie agreed, watching him write.  He looked at Larry.  "You know about this stuff?"

"I dabbled when I was younger.  It's what got me into quantum physics," he said with a small smile.  "I couldn't do much because I knew what I was attempting was impossible."

Xander grinned.  "Magic is that way.  You have to believe to make it work."  He snapped his fingers and the lights went out.  "Get down.  There's going to be a few shots fired from a robbery up the road.  They're running this way and Don's coming."  Charlie pulled Larry with him and Xander sat in a corner, still writing in the faint light from the building's outdoor walkway lights.  The few bullets went through the windows and Xander sighed, looking up.  "One more...."  It went through and he got up, turning back on the lights.  He looked out and used the small air-propelled nail and splinter gun on his waist to shoot the guys in the back of the neck.  They screamed as they went down and he went back to writing, handing it to Charlie.  "Don't let me see that.  I only found it a few days ago."

Charlie looked it over then handed it back with a smile.  "I think that qualifies your earlier statements.  Where's Don?"

"Running this way behind the LAPD guys.  Actually I'm going to be called to that in about an hour."  He grinned.  "I'm the top ballistics intern in the city.  Fifth in the country until my friends unkindly put me in a storage closet in Miami when they decided I had to move."  He went back to writing.  "Oh, I'll be yelling when Don moves the evidence in here."

Someone flung open the door and walked in.  "Are you guys all right?" Don Epps demanded, looking at his brother.

"I'm fine," Charlie promised, smiling at him.  He noticed Xander was hiding behind the notepad.  "He heard something and had us turn off the lights and duck, Don."  He got up and walked him over to the windows.  "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," he promised, looking at the bullets.  He sighed and picked them up, taking them with him.  "I'll need these for evidence."

"Sure, that'll be fine.  I'll get maintenance to come board up the windows," Charlie said with a smile.  "Then we'll hit the house for dinner?"

"I'd like that.  Thanks, Chuck."  He walked out, only glancing at the student in the corner working on something.  Geeks were odd like that sometimes.

Xander looked at him.  "I can easily stay at a hotel and be well out of my way.  Don't worry about that one."

"Thanks," Charlie said, smiling.  "There's a good efficiency close by."

Xander smirked, shaking his head.  "I'm poisonous, Charlie.  I do not cook.  I dated a stripper because she cooked very well and she went serial killer."  He finished writing and handed them to him, getting helped off the floor.  He handed his business card.  "Call me tomorrow after I've went back to my hovel by the college.  I'll be down on stripper row.  Always cheaper."  That got a nod and he left, sneaking out of the building so Don wouldn't see him.

Charlie looked it over, blanching at some of it.  "Damn it."

Larry snatched it to look over, then groaned.  "This is very, very bad."

"Yes, it is," Charlie agreed, looking at it.  "His path won't help."

"His path might help.  We'll have to see."  He looked at him.  "We'll start on the math tomorrow?  Let tonight sink in?"

"Yeah, I could use that."  He gathered his things.  "He said you think like him."

"It's not often I hear that," he said with a smile, taking the notes with him.  He would have to give it some thought.   Charlie and Don went home while Larry went back to his office to work on this very fascinating problem.  If he kept it at that level he wouldn't worry about his wrong choices destroying everyone.

***

Xander smiled at the woman who let him into his motel room.  "Thank you, Sweetie Pie."

"Do you know me?"

He nodded. "I've seen you dance."  He grinned and walked inside, taking the keys.  "Thanks."

"Welcome, Al."  She walked off, considering it.  She didn't remember him.  So maybe he was a bad tipper.  Then again there was something dangerous about the guy.

Xander settled in to make his own plans.  He knew two were going to be messing up the chemicals in the lab.  That would be the easiest fix.  The other one...  He'd need some of his babies.  He knew what he had *now* and what he had then.  He had assumed some if it had been kept by Angel.  In that shorter list, there were a few helpful things.  A few very scary things.  And one not very helpful or scary thing.  That would not work in this case but he knew Angel had liked it.   Then again, he had to do this so he could go back to Miami, save Miami, and then find a real and permanent job that paid better and so he could move yet again.  He hated moving.  He *really* hated moving.  And since he had artillery he couldn't hire someone to move him so he had to move himself in a u-haul and do it the hard way.  Or learn how to teleport or make those funky portals that someone made for Connor and Gunn now and then.  But that was another frustration he'd have to deal with.  He would have to not kill his friends.

Joy.

Really.

His life was just so full of joy.

***

Charlie called Xander the next night, sighing a bit when the boy answered.  "Okay, you were right.  You are here.  The you here is cocky and mouthy and wears bad t-shirts that made my brother have a migraine."  Xander laughed.  "Your path won't work."  He heard the boy say he'd be over in a few minutes.  "Sure.  I'm here.  Larry's here.  Amita's here but so's Millie.  We'll deal."  He hung up, looking at Larry.  "He's coming over."

"That's fine.  I'm sure the lovely ladies of our acquaintance will leave us alone again for a bit."

"The same guy?" Amita asked.  Charlie nodded.  "Was it just me or did he look like the guy your brother went to get help on that strange arms dealer?"

"Oh, they're related," Larry told her dryly, tossing down a card.  Their new department chair looked over the edge of her glasses at him.  "Don't ask, we can't tell you, it's stopping a germ warfare lab in the city before it goes up.  We have to do this so we can get proof to Don."

"Good.  It's good that we're not helping blow up the city," Millie said, putting down all her cards.  "Why can't we know?"

"Because it's involving potentially patented chemicals and if the guy's paranoid," Xander said from the doorway.  "Some of his stuff is good.  Some of the stuff the other people are playing around with are still his and they're doing bad things."

"Oh, all right."  She looked at him.  "You do really look like...."

Xander held up a hand.  "He's a relative.  A cousin.  We should look like each other.  It's just that I'm from Sunnydale and he's from a different version of hell."  That got a nod and both women left.  He turned a chair around, looking at Amita's hand.  He snickered and shook his head, putting down three cards.  "Three please?"  Larry dealt them and he looked at his hand, grimacing.  "You're an uptight dealer, Larry."  He put down the hand.  "She's got probability syndrome."  He looked at Charlie.  "What won't work?  Two can be stopped by chemical foulups."

"Two could but they would expect you to know what you're doing."

"Actually, half the guys in there think I'm playing around but I can make it so it's a better accident.  Like with a ball that knocks into things."  Charlie gave him a stunned look so he grinned and handed it over.  "Fred made it.  It's very kinetic."  He looked at Larry.  "Have you ever played Jezzball on the computer?  That's how I learned some physics principles."

"I have.  I used to spend hours goofing off and thinking to it," he admitted with a grin.  He took the ball, bouncing it, watching as it went higher than it should have for the mild drop he had let it have.  "That is very kinetic, both potential and actual."

"And if you plug it in it gasses up and knocks people out," Xander said, standing up to catch it, handing it back to him with a grin.  "So...."

"It can't appear to be a very big foul up and we can't hurt the you here."

"The me here is going to be out of the lab for six weeks in about a week," Xander told him.  "The me here is about to be overworked working with your brother, especially after the me here gives some poaching and food stealing agents food poisoning."

"Good to know," Don said from behind him.  "What's going on?  I left you at Wolfram and Hart, Harris."

Xander looked at him.  "That's probably because I'm not the same Harris, Epps."  He looked at Charlie.  "I'll let you explain the technical details to him."  He looked at Larry.  "The first I can do that way.  The second the only way to destabilize it is all the way across the lab."

"Not necessarily.  I talked to one of our chemistry people earlier at lunch.  I told him a student had found this in a roommate's idea book and wanted to know how to stop it because she thought she was a bit odd.  She was seriously goth, a bit strange...."

"The usual reasons that make normal people freak out," Xander agreed.  "What did he say?"

"He said," he said, puling out a note.  "You can put this in there and it will destabilize it temporarily but that a burst of heat once it's in there will light it on fire."

Xander looked at the formula.  "That looks familiar.  Is that one of my testing fluids?"

"Two of them together actually," Larry said, handing him that note.  "I looked them up for you since you said earlier that theoretical things weren't your strong suit."

"Charlie?" Don asked impatiently.

"You're not supposed to know," Charlie told him.  "The Xander from earlier is still at Wolfram and Hart."

"Twins?" he snorted.

Xander looked back at him.  "Colby's a food thief, did you know that?"  Don nodded.  "You'll be the one to stop him in about three days when he nibbles on my lunch while we're working on the semtex issue you think I have."  He went back to Larry's instructions.  "We have a hand held laser scanner.  Would that be enough heat or not?"

"You know, I don't know."  He considered it, letting Charlie come over to help.  "Laser application?"

"I'd rather go with the tried and true bunson burner problem," he offered.

"Wait," Don ordered, holding up a hand.  "Are you telling me he skipped back in time?"

Xander looked over and nodded.  "Yes, and there's a very good reason for it.  When I leave it's going to become a very nasty case for you.  Wolfram and Hart are sponsored by the government, get research contracts, and are minions of hell.  They're actually some very high level things you don't want to think about, as you told me earlier today."  Don's mouth fell open.  "The fact is, they're doing this so Angel has to take on an apocalypse in a few months that'll kill him.  Most of the team will die.  I got sent to Florida against my will so I wouldn't be there.  The Powers hate me, that's why it's my battle to fight this time.  When Wolfram and Hart take back over their lab, things are going to hit the fan that should never have been exposed to open air.  Their people have been working behind Fred's back on some older biodisease and other harmful projects.  I'm here to stop three things, then I have to figure out how get myself back to Miami on time to save them from the last step of their plan," he said quietly, staring him down.  "Once Angel dies, you've got to bust their lab.  Before they blow up LA in a giant ball of oozing sores and puss.  So let me do my part and by then I'll have all the evidence you need to bust their asses and ignore any higher ups.  Not even the Pentagon can say they were supposed to be creating the newest super plague."

Don sat down, staring at him.  "I've barely met you."

"And you already know my rep for field work," he pointed out gently.  "I'm thorough and I'm already there, Don.  I can't let this go on even if I wasn't assigned to stop it.  Their own people want it stopped and told me how to do it during a trial.  It was kinda creepy having a minor attorney tell me I had to come back here to stop things."  He gave him a small smile.  "I'm used to this.  You got sent to me because of my past and my present training.  This is all this is.  I'll leave you with a full case forensically and probably with enough evidence to convict that day.  Just let me do what I have to do.  That's why I came to Charlie.  I can create minor paradoxes without getting into trouble but I can't create major ones that impact too many lives.  I need to impact as few lives as possible, especially ones I interacted with."

"So me being here adds another point on the line?"

"And another danger.  The more people I have to deal with the worse it'll get on the paradox scale," Xander told him.  "So just ignore this me and deal with the younger me.  You'll like him in a few days, even if you can't stand my views on sports and you want to throttle my girlfriend.  Oh, they did eventually get her back.  You'll understand that one in a few too."

"Okay," he said slowly, looking at Charlie.

"You're the one who told me about his ex-girlfriend," he pointed out.  "She's free?"

"Yeah, about two days ago," Xander said grimly.  "She snuck out somehow."  He looked at Larry.  "Heat?"

"Heat."  He handed it over.  "What about the third?"

Xander considered it.  "I was told someone might have to be sacrificed.  If I can maneuver it, it'll be one of the guys working on that project.  It may even be to the law instead of from life.  I'm not sure yet.  I'll get to that point when I get there."  That got a nod from Larry. "Thanks, guys.  Forget I was here.  Please?  I can help with that."  They all shook their heads. "Okay."  He headed out, going back to the hotel with his notes.  The younger him was happily dancing around the building by now for being recognized.  Angel was giving him money to go out for a celebratory dinner with the others so he'd leave him alone and quit trying to dance with him.  He sat down to log into the server with the laptop he had conveniently found in someone's car earlier in the day.  He had even saved everything off it onto DVDs and put them into the car so they wouldn't be missing any files.  He only needed the laptop and he'd hand it to someone locally so it could be handed back when he was done with it.  Faith did have a few points when it was an emergency.  Want, take, have was sometimes a way of life.

***

Five days later, Xander walked into the lab, getting some odd looks.  "What?" he asked, grinning a bit.  "We're not expecting me to play around?"

"You're supposed to be with the FBI," Fred told him.

He kissed her on the cheek.  "I'll miss you when I graduate. You mother me horribly."  She blushed but punched him on the arm, walking off.  He found the person he needed to distract and destroy, getting to work on something.  He knew how she had done it and he had figured out something else.  The ball was part chemical, part demon blood.  If he substituted another demon for that one...  Well, there were some fire demons in the world.  He made the ball and tested it, smiling when it heated up a bit.  It wasn't as solid either.  The others gave him an odd look.  "It's less kinetic.  I'm using it for chem."  They just nodded and made sure their experiments weren't in the way on their end of the room.  Xander bounced it at the wall, watching the trajectory.  He was a ballistics tech, he dealt in trajectory every day.  The ball bopped and flopped and landed in the other guy's solution, splashing the guy he wanted.  "Oops.  Sorry.  Didn't mean for it to go that way."  He came over to get it, pressing something into the ball once he had it back.  Theirs was a neutralizing solution but that was fine.  The ball got put onto the table and he looked at the chemical matrix being shown on the screen.  "Is it carryable and can it be used in the field to take down some higher demons?"

The chemist gave him an odd look.  "What?  Like I'm going to always carry holy water?" Xander snorted.  "I'd like something I can put into a shotgun casing and fire at the bigger things to save my artillery."  He patted the ball, shifting it so the new materials spread inward.  Then he let it go when it suddenly burst into flames.  "Shit!"  He backed the one nicer guy away from it, watching as it took over the other station and sent his experiment up in smoke.  He was even nice enough to use the fire extinguisher.  "That was not supposed to happen," he complained.  "I'm damn sorry, George."  He got a glare and the guy stomped off.  He shrugged at the dirty looks.  "It's not.  Even if the demon blood is hotter it's not supposed to catch on fire.  It must've been the stored kinetic energy.  Fred's conducts electricity and turns into a sleeping bomb when it's charged."  They all groaned, going back to their work. He looked at the neutralizing solution.  "Did I hurt it?"

"No, it looks all right, Xander."  He smiled, giving it a test with the demonic ball.  It fizzled and was eaten.  "It looks like it works right."  Xander beamed and nodded, making a copy of his notes to see if it could be changed.  "Shotgun?"

"Like the massive ones that shoot gas," he told him.  "Or maybe a gas canister gun.  It'll save my babies for later use."  He waved the papers and walked out, heading out before anyone else saw him.  He knew the building inside and out.  It paid to not sleep.  He did run into Spike but he grinned.  "New neutralizing solution.  I'm going to put it into gas canisters so we can shoot them at the demons."

Spike gave him a look.  "Not like the soddin' Powers didn't send me too, whelp," he said finally, smirking a bit.

Xander looked at him then around then back at him.  "The walls have ears here, Spike.  Don't worry about it."  He went into his lab and got the three things he'd *really* need and knew hadn't made it to Miami.  He cased them up and walked them out to his car of the moment, heading back to his motel.  He had also gotten into his stash of cash in the lab.  He was always misplacing it but sometimes he needed it.  He paid for another two weeks before pulling the cases inside and getting to work making sure they were the right instrument for the job.

Sweetie Pie knocked on the door, smiling at him. "Al, you haven't gone to the diner in forever," she chided.  "You've got to eat, baby."

"I know.  I'm working on something and I get lost," he said, walking her out without letting her see the weapons.  He even let her treat him to dinner.  It was a nice date and when he got back his weapons were gone.  He summoned them back and got back to work on them.  His younger self wouldn't mind in the least.  When he got done he sent them back, relaxing against his pillows, watching some of the free porn channel from up the row of rooms.  The in-room cameras were very nice and the one for his room was broken, as he had done when he had checked in and discovered them.  He settled in to work on the new formula.  It would come in handy.  Maybe he'd teach Speed how to use them in case something happened when he left Miami.

***

The second experiment was harder.  They were on the watch for a lab accident from him.  He was dead tired.  His self here was dead tired and he was feeling very drained from being in two places at the same time.  That's why he stumbled into Fred, making her stumble into that guy.  He nearly passed out this time too but he held onto the table and kept it up.

"Out of the lab," Fred ordered.

He looked at her.  "Get me some caffeine, I'll be fine, Fred.  It's just been a long day."  She walked him out and he struggled, eventually getting her settled in the library by telling her something he had seen and been up all night researching.  Which he had been.  He needed it in Miami.  Especially for that last battle since further research in the W&H library center said that the big demon couldn't be killed by fire.  Not by any object made by man's hands, past, present or future.  So he was a bit screwed with what he had told Horatio.  Though it might help.  And hey, that one might've been made by a woman.  You never knew.  So if Fred would make the weapon to his specifications using his materials, it'd solve a lot of problems.  He got some coffee and went back in there, sipping it for the necessary caffeine in it.  They all gave him tolerant looks since he was back to standing up again.

"Harris!" Angel snapped from the doorway.  "We need you at the van."

Xander looked at him then at the time on the clock, then back at him.  "You need me in about an hour, Angel.  Not now.  I found a future problem I'm working on before it ends the world.  Don't worry, I'll be there in time to fire the missile at it.  Don't get the silk panties in a twist.  I'm always there."  Angel huffed off.  He shook his head, getting back to work on the current problem.  That one experiment was in the biohazard chamber.  So were a lot of other things.  He frowned, looking at the window.  "When did we pull DNA from me?"  A few people looked horrified and backed away from him.  "Um, you guys know I got fixed so none of the clubbing problems could get pregnant, right?  And that any kid of mine the Powers would almost certainly kill?  I mean, I mess up their plans all the damn time, guys."  He looked at the still really pale tech.  "Can we please kill my sample?  And maybe the mold in there that's infecting Wes's?"  Which was his target.

"That's not infecting anything," another tech huffed.

Xander pulled him over to show him.  "Wes's test tube is sealed and fuzzy.  I know Wes is a stuffy Watcher, but even Traver's sperm wasn't moldy."  The man groaned and Xander took the head over the DNA project in there to destroy those two and the mold samples in the incubator.   He had to grab his head as a vision started then stopped abruptly.  He had forgotten he had gotten one of those today; it's why he had been late to the problem.  He looked at her then pointed at the mold.  "The Powers said it's an impure sample that'll create another ADAM-type monster like the Initiative had.  Which will go after the lab and destroy it."

"You do a good job of that," she complained, turning the heat up.

Xander pulled out two other samples, and the dragon egg in the back, then hit the destroy switch, killing the samples completely.  The mold was fried.  He looked at it then washed it down the sink.  He put the egg back and let the incubator cool off some before putting back the other samples.  "It would destroy everyone in the building.  It would start here and head after the senior partners."  She gave him a horrified look.  "Fred didn't tell you I saw the last of the millennium battles soon?"  She whimpered.  He nodded.  "We'll lose some people this time too."

"Damn it, my project won't be done in time."  She went back to it, letting him deal with the other stuff on his own.  He didn't trust anyone in the lab to turn and talk to Don.  That's why he was wearing a camera and a wire.  Plus he had used Angel's access to hack everything in the database.  Willow had given him an Administrative access at his request without telling the senior partners.  There were files hidden that would spell the downfall of hell's attorneys.  And part of the Pentagon, the CIA, and the NSA.  But you had to take the bad with the good.  He left, going to make sure he had gotten to the battle.  He saw himself firing the missile and smiled.  He looked damn hot with a missile launcher.  Tanya had been right about that.  He went back to the hotel, finding Sweetie Pie waiting on him.  She was a good diversion and was great in bed.

***

Xander looked at the last experiment.  He was four days away from being sent to Miami.  He wasn't sleeping anymore.  He was exhausted.  His body was ready to give out.  He just had to stop this one demon from rising.  That's why he was playing at being invisible.  What Fred was working on for the slayer corps was great.  He missed Fred more than anyone else in LA.  Even Cordy.  The demon was starting to form in the pool of blood and melted silver.  The tech doing it was glancing around, feeling him watching.  He used his compressed air gun to shoot a toxin into the silver, something the tech himself had developed, watching as the demon wailed and set off the alarms.  Xander got out of vampire sensing, smelling, and hearing range about the same time Spike and Angel rushed in to stop the demon.

Spike ended up killing it but he was sniffing the mixture.  He looked at Angel.  "Someone tampered," he said.

"The Powers work in mysterious ways," his younger self said as he came in.  He shot another dose of the nerve toxin into the pool, killing off everything in it.  "I should know.  They keep getting my ass up when I need to study."  He looked around, staring at the shielded person in the corner.  Xander prayed and prayed that he wouldn't be caught.  He remembered seeing himself, now, and it wasn't a good thing.  Apparently his younger self had some common sense because he got the lab cleared so Fred could clean up the mess.

Xander slipped out the back way, running into Spike, who smirked at him.  "What?"

"Anything else we should know?"

"No.  Not until later on, after the last millennium battle," he said quietly, staring at him.  "Talk to me about it later tonight.  I'll know."  He walked off, heading to his car.  Spike had his own visions.  He knew what was coming.  Xander went to check in with Charlie, calling him at home.  "Hey, it's me.  No, I've got one last paradox to fix.  Kinda.  No, he specifically said a sacrifice.  I don't know why."  He nodded. "Please.  Sure."  He hung up, driving to where Charlie said to meet him, getting out and sitting on his hood, watching the trees move in the breeze.  He felt someone come up behind him and looked at Don.  "Hey.  Did he give you any idea?"

"Yeah but he said it's in Miami, kid.  My files?"

Xander wrote down a name, an address, and a short sentence.  "I hypnotized her.  That's the key phrase," he said, handing it over.  "She and I have been having a thing.  She's one of Tanya's former coworkers."

"Good.  She's got everything?"

"I've checked it all.  Oh."  He got the laptop, handing it over.  "Had to jack it."

"Wonderful."

"I pulled their files off and put them back in their car.  I knew I was going to hand it back."  He belched.  "Sorry.  Tacos for dinner."

"It happens to the best of us, kid."  He put those into his car, coming back.  "You okay?  You look rough."

"I feel rough.  The longer this goes on the less I can sleep, the more nightmares and quasi- visions I have, and the worse it's getting."

Don nodded.  "When do you get to go back?"

"The day I left."  He grinned sadly.  "I have no idea what I'm doing about the last part."

"Bait?"

"We had a lab assault a few days back in my time," he said quietly.  "I foresaw it.  I was there when it happened.  I can't let them die.  I can't sacrifice them."

"With how rough you look it's not looking like it's going to be anyone else."  He stared at him.  "I know I didn't say it but you did good work."

"Thank you."  He grinned.  "Horatio will be asking for an evaluation in a few months.  I got hired a bit late.  I also never told him about all the neat stuff I did for you guys."

"Ehh, not like you could count the hours."

"True."  He punched him lightly on the arm.  "The third one was taken care of earlier."

"Thanks for that."

"Welcome.  Just let me leave before you trigger it."  Don nodded, heading back to his car.  "Tell them I'm sorry but it was a matter of national security or something."

"I'll do that.  Try to rest, kid."  He got into his car and drove off, heading to hand one of the local precincts that laptop.  He needed to find that stripper and put a watch on her and the kid.  As soon as he was gone he wanted those files.

***

Charlie walked up to where Xander was four days later, smiling at him.  "I figured out how to get you back earlier."

"Is it going to kill me?"

"No, it won't even hurt."  Xander relaxed and nodded.  "Don has everything?"

"I gave him the code word to find it.  It's with Sweetie Pie."

"Good."  He stuck something in his arm, watching as he passed out.   Then he disappeared.

Xander woke up, holding his head.  "Ow," he whispered.  He made himself sit up, still holding his head.  "Where in the hell am I?"  He saw someone come to the door of his room and coughed. "Get in here?"  Someone peeked in, looking confused.  "Where am I?"  That's when it hit him.  That sense of deja vu.  He knew now.  It was like a particularly nasty vision.  He knew.  He let things happen as they were going to, reliving it all until the lab assault.

***

Xander tapped on Horatio's door the night after he left/got back, looking at him.  "We need to talk."  He had four days left to get this finished.

"Another vision?" he asked, letting him inside.  He nodded at Yelina and his nephew.  Xander nodded outside.  "They can hear."

"No, they can't.  Not this time.  There's something bigger coming up.  I can tell *you* because you're going to be involved.  That and I need help with it."

"How about the porch then."  Xander nodded, following him out, setting up white noise machines against the door leading out there.  "She won't eavesdrop."

Xander handed over the letter.  "I'm got that a few days back.  You saw it then.  There's a part you didn't read on the back."  Horatio looked at it, slumping some.  "I don't know what sort it is, Horatio.  I'm more than willing if I have to.  I simply don't know what form it'll take.  I don't want it to be you.  I want you to have the weapon if I can't do it.  It can't be as bad as they say.  I know it can't and won't be, but we'll still need a particular weapon and I'll need Calleigh to work on it for me since it says nothing ever crafted by a man's hand, past, present, or future."

"Do we have it?"

"Fred started it.  It's nearly done.  I can give her the schematics so she can finish it for me.  Or for you, whoever."  He glanced inside then at him.  "I don't want it to be one of the team.  I seriously don't want it to be one of the team at all.  I don't want it to be a cop, I don't want it to be family.  I'm looking into what's needed but I'm not sure yet.  In a few days you're going to get a leave request from me.  Please okay it.  I need it to solve it."

"What did you do?" he asked quietly.  "You've been looking tired."

"I'll be exhausted those three days too.  Let's just say I'm playing in an attic of what-ifs and you can't help with that.  You can help with the weapon.  I have it in the back of the car.  It's inside the case Fred put it into.  I haven't touched anything but the carrying handles and opened it to look at it.  Can we work this out?"

"Can you minimize it?"

"If I'm right, it'll take a half-demon to do it.  No one in the lab that I know of is except one person.  He won't.  It'll cause problems if I talk him into it.  I do have a backup in one of the ladies who loves me enough to take me."  Horatio nodded once.  "I don't want to think like this.  I'd like the weapon to be enough.  I think it's a bait situation.  Again, I'm still looking."

Horatio nodded, handing back the letter.  "We'll do what we have to so Miami thrives, Xander."

"It's not you, Horatio.  I know very well it's not you.  If it was someone close me to me, I'd be having a splitting headache about it."  Horatio smiled a bit at that.  "So that means it's not someone I know personally or not someone I like.  I just don't know what form the sacrifice is going to take.  I've got someone working on it to see.  He's a math genius and he's helped me in the past."

Horatio smiled a bit.  "You do collect odd friends."

Xander smirked.  "Watch the news in the next few days for FBI busts, Horatio."  He headed back inside, looking at Yelina.  "I have something in the car that I need Calleigh to finish working on for Fred.  Can you grab it?  It's got a no-men-touching it rule."

She nodded, going to get it for him.  She even looked in the case then glared at him.  "What is going on?"

"Yelina, it has a good reason," Horatio said gently from the doorway.  "He's protecting us against something that's coming up.  He has some odd contacts that gave him information so this could happen and protect us."

"The lab assault?" she said, looking at Xander.

"I knew it was going to happen sometime, not that specific day," he told her, lying just a bit.  She stared at him.  "I did not know it was going to happen at that specific time,  Yelina Salas.  This is to protect the rest of us and the city.  Please."  She hefted it inside and he closed the trunk.  "The schematics are inside, Horatio.  Talk to me that day?"  He got a nod.  "Thank you."  He got back in and headed back to his apartment to finish having his headache.  This was going to kill him soon.

***

Horatio tapped on Xander's door, finding him not in his apartment.  He walked in, looking around.  "Xander?" he called.  He tried calling him.  No answer, went straight to voicemail.  "Crap.  It's tonight, kid."  He walked out.  He had the weapon. He had Calleigh.  Calleigh couldn't fire the missile.  He went back to get the right launcher for it, finding it had been put on the table and cleaned for his use.  He carried it out, making sure the doors were locked before he left.  He went to the park where they'd need to be, finding half the lab was there.  He handed the launcher to Calleigh.  "I have no idea where he is.  He wasn't home."

"I'm sure he'll be here in time," Eric said calmly.  "He was before."

"He had to do something that made him exhausted for the last few days," Calleigh said, giving him a worried look.  "Where do I shoot it at?  Chest, head?"

"Chest is probably the best bet," Eric offered. "That seems to work that I've seen that one time."

Stetler stomped over.  "What is going on, Horatio?"

"Xander."

Stetler shuddered.  "Where is he?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out," Horatio admitted.  He tried his phone again, getting a different voicemail message.  "He's nearby, drawing it this way.  Somehow."  He shrugged, looking at Calleigh, checking over the launcher.  "I have no idea why he said this far inland."

"Maybe it'll be able to heal if it can get back into the sea," she offered.  Speed walked over reading a book.  "Getting a last good book in?" she teased.

He looked up.  "Xander had it sent to me last night with a bookmark.  You want to hit the lower chest, upper stomach region, Calleigh."  She sighed at that.  He looked around.  "Where is he?"

"His voicemail said he's leading it to us," Horatio said, sounding calm and patient.  "Any idea why?"

"Eric's right.  Any water and it'll go back to a dormant phase and slowly heal."  They heard a roar and Calleigh braced herself with Horatio's help.  "H, take the weapon.  She can't hold it."

"I can so!" she complained.

"You can't stand," Eric complained.

Horatio took it.  He knew how to use it.  He had looked it up recently, just in case.  He saw the demon trudging their way and paused, shuddering at the horrible looking bumpy thing that was about the size of the troll in the Harry Potter movie.  He saw it reach for someone and fling her aside.  She moved so she was alive.  It picked up someone else and sniffed then nibbled, making her scream and die.  Then he fired, blowing it's stomach and chest into fragments.  Xander came jogging up and did something to his arm, bleeding on it, starting a small chant, getting louder and louder until lightening came down, attracted to the metal bits in his body.  It fried the demon and nearly fried him.  He was thrown back against a tree, groaning before he passed out.  They rushed over to make sure.  Speed pulled out something, tossing the powdered acid onto it.  Xander moaned when Horatio checked him.  "Xander?" Horatio said.  "Come on, wake up, Xander.  We need you to wake up."  He felt him fading and looked at his arm.  "Someone get some paramedics!" he shouted, grabbing the gushing spot to hold.  "They did not mean you were supposed to sacrifice yourself, Xander.  Wake up!"  Someone came running. "Get him," he ordered when they stared stupidly at the demon.  "He had to cut himself to kill it."

"Sure," the paramedic said, shuddering a bit.  "I don't need to know that much, Lieutenant."  He applied a tourniquet and they got him loaded immediately.  An IV was started before his partner had gotten the ambulance moving. When they got to the hospital he pulled the nurse aside.  "There was a...thing in the park.  Lieutenant Caine said he had to do that to kill it.  It was fried.  I don't know why.  I'm sure he's not suicidal.  Just fix him.  Caine almost looked panicked."  She nodded, going to work on his arm. Plus the spot she found on his ankle that was starting to scab over.  He went to write up his report.  Injured while fighting in the park worked for him.  It'd work for his boss.  He'd make sure of it.

***

Xander woke up, groaning and holding his head.  "I hate waking up."

"You should be thankful you did," a female voice said from beside him.

He looked over.  "Go away."

"No," Willow said, leaning closer.  "What did you do?"

"Solved the issue."

"How?" she asked patiently.

He gave her head a shove.  "Not talking about it with you, Willow."

"I'm a Watcher..."

"And I'm a fucking conduit.  Am I clear?" he said coolly.  She backed off at that.  He looked around, finding the nurses' call button.  "What day is it?" he asked the nice seeming older woman who came in.

"It's Thursday."  She smiled and came over to check him. "You've been out now for four days, Mr. Harris."

"I'm sorry I snored so loud."

She smiled.  "Not really.  At least not yet."  She handed over a letter.  "Lieutenant Caine said to give that to you if he wasn't personally here when you woke up.  I'll let your friend have a potty break while you read."  She glared at Willow until she left, then she looked at him.  "You do brave yet stupid things."

He looked at her. "It's almost the definition of being a Xander," he said quietly, going back to his reading.  He smiled a bit at the earlier stuff.  "I didn't want to let anyone die. I thought I got there in time," he said a few paragraphs later.

"Nearly.  One did die.  The other who got slammed into a tree is fine.  She's bruised but only stayed overnight."  She smoothed down his hair.  "How are you feeling?"

"Good drugs," he said dryly, giving her a look.  "You're not going to try to kill me too, right?"  She shook her head.  "You're sure?"

"I'm not like that."  She finished making notes in his chart.  "It's about five-thirty so you'll have other visitors soon.  There's been the blonde one...."

He gave her a panicked look.  "Cop or not a cop?" he interrupted.

"Cop," she assured him, watching him calm back down.  "You missed the funeral."

"I'll make amends later," he said quietly, getting a nod.  "Usually I get chewed out more by the Powers."

She smiled and patted him on the head.  "My mother's a witch, Xander.  She said to tell you, not the Powers."

"Can I pass on my visions?"

"She didn't tell me that.  Ask the redhead."

"I'm going to try to give the headaches to her," he muttered, cracking her up.  "My ex gifted them to me.  Her potential boyfriend gave them to her.  It's only fair."  Willow came in and he kissed her hard and fast, making her groan and clutch her head.  "Yes, thank you!" he said, looking up.  He snuggled into the bed.  "When can I leave?"

"When your boss says you can," she said dryly.  "Like it says in the letter.  You have to wait on him."  She walked Willow out, getting her some tylenol.

Xander went back to his reading, squinting a bit.  He still had a headache.  He had a really throbbing, used to come with visions, headache.  He smiled at the part about Don's bust of Wolfram and Hart's biodisease lab.  It was a good thing.  It was bringing down the last of the old evil empires.  He looked up when the room's door opened, waving at Stetler.  "Come to chew me a new one?"

"I should."  He closed the door, locking it before he came over.  "What did you know beforehand, Harris?"

"What the lawyer tipped me off to while I was testifying."   He looked at him.  "I wasn't sure it wasn't going to be you."

"You know?"

"Have known.  You don't do what I do and not realize those things, Rick."  He shifted onto his side so he could look at him. "I'm sorry Natalia died.  I tried to get there sooner."

He shook his head.  "You did what you had to do.  The loss of only a single life and one car being flattened was worth not having us turn into ashes.  What were his skills?"

"He ...  Part of what I did during that three days neutralized part of that."

"You were here."

"Some of it," he agreed.  He yawned.  "It's a long damn story, Rick, and if I tell you Willow will hear."

"I need to know, Harris.  There's an inquest."

"I'm sorry."

"Were you in Miami?"

"Part of it.  Read the transcripts, Rick. They should give you all the hints you need.  The same as they did Horatio."  He handed over his letter.  "Can I go home?"

"No."  He looked it over, then groaned. "The lawyer?"

"One of Wolfram and Hart's up and coming boys locally."  He blinked.  "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."  He handed it back, tucking it under his pillow.  "Sleep.  Caine's coming later with dinner."  Xander nodded, yawning a bit, letting himself drift off.  Stetler called someone from the room's phone. "He's been up and went back to sleep.  I need that transcript of his testimony, Speedle.  Yes, now."  He hung up, watching him rest until it was brought to him, having to get up to unlock the door.  He looked at him.  "What did you know?"

"The night before I got sent a book in case something happened and he died.  He set it up with the thought they were going to take him."

"Well, he does piss off the Powers That Be," Willow said dryly, coming back inside.  "What did he do?"

"Butt out," Rick told her.  She snorted, giving him a look.  "I do believe she's the reason we have such a warped tech, Speedle.  Arrest her on something."  He went back to reading, frowning at it.  "This theory...."

"In the back is a report by someone out in LA," Speed told him.  "It got faxed to Horatio earlier."  He walked her out and ejected her from the hospital.  He smirked at Eric and Ryan.  "That's Willow, his friend Willow."

Eric smirked, walking over to help her up and walk her off to talk to her.  Before she warped Wolfe too.  He would be even worse than Xander - OCD and talking about sports like they related to gay sex.

Ryan went upstairs with Speed, looking at Xander.  "You need caffeine."

Xander blinked at him. "If you do, I'll bear babies if Willow has another magical oops with my name on it."

"If she tries that, Alexx is going to eat her," Speed promised, letting Ryan give him some soda.  "How are you feeling?"

"Tired.  Like I haven't slept at all."

"Sedatives," Stetler said, handing over that report and personal note to Xander and Horatio.  He stood up.  "Let me copy this."  He went to do that and the transcripts, tucking them into his pocket.  Then he handed them back to Speedle.  "I'll see you in a few days at the inquest, Harris."

"As long as they let me out," Xander agreed.  He finished his soda and let Speed throw out the can, getting comfortable again.  "I'm sorry."

"Don't be.  One life over the millions in the city is a good trade off," Ryan assured him.  "If it had been a bomb instead of a demon, the inquest would be a formality."  He sat on the foot of the bed, looking at him.  "Horatio will be up later.  Calleigh's still fuming.  She didn't want to know about that stuff."

"I felt that way once," Xander said dryly, making Ryan smile and nod.  "Do I still have a job, Speed?"

"Yup.  We took a copy of the ER report in to Bob, who was swearing about how much time you miss thanks to IAB, your friends, and this stuff."  He patted him on the foot.  "Then I had to point out that IAB was because you had warped a serial killer into loving you.  That your friends had died thanks to this stuff, and if he really wanted to die tonight he should've went the wrong way on a one-way street.  He was not amused and stomped off to the Chief, who's already talked to Horatio, who will give you your new hours when he gets here tonight."

"Wow.  Does that mean you're in charge?"

"For now," he said grimly.  "That means we get to talk about your t-shirts when you come back."

"I saved the world," he said pitifully.

Speed patted him on the head again.  "I know you did.   I'm very happy you did it.  Your t- shirts still give me headaches and thoughts I don't need."

"Let Ryan wear some to the other lab?" Xander offered.

Speed smirked. "You're evil."

"No, just slightly warped."  He yawned.  "Sorry, guys."

"Not a problem," Speed promised, letting him fall back asleep.   He looked at Ryan.  "You can do that.  It's a good way to lighten some spirits."

Ryan grinned.  "That would get rumors started that we're dating."

"No, you can tell them that you're babysitting Xander's t-shirts so they don't feel lonely while he's in here."

Ryan snickered.  "That's evil."

"Well... only a bit," he admitted with a wicked smirk.  Horatio walked in.  "He's back asleep again."

"That's to be expected," he agreed, looking at Speed.  "No mean ideas, Speed."

"Xander told Ryan to babysit his t-shirts."

Horatio groaned, shaking his head.  "I don't think it'll be necessary.  He can go home in a few days."  He sat down, looking at his arm.  "Is he healing?"

"The nurses said last night his arm was doing better than expected," Ryan reminded him.

"Which means he can get out for the inquest Stetler just told him about," Speed said, handing over that report.  "He has a copy and of your letter."

"That's fine."  He read it over, humming at a few things.   "It apparently was very important to destroy that lab and them."  He handed it back, looking down at Xander.  "Where's Eric?"

"Willow was here," Speed said with a bright, cheery grin.

Horatio sighed, calling him.  "Don't do more than rant at her, Eric.  Yes, I'm sure.  Because she has a bad habit of doing things to people.  I'm sure she's done many things to Xander to make him the way he is."  Xander squinted at him then nodded.  "He's agreeing with me."

"Being a puppy is fun," Xander said dryly.

"He said being a puppy was fun, Eric."  He hung up with a small smirk.  "He's ranting at her about other things now."  He came closer.  "How are you feeling?"

"Tired.  Like I haven't slept."

"It's the sedatives," Speed promised.

"Can I quit taking them?"

"Hey, nurse?"  She came in.  "Can we get rid of his sedatives?"

"The doctor said...."

Xander looked at her then at Horatio.  "I'm going home."

"You need to be here, Xander."

"I'm going home.  I miss my menus.  I can nap on the couch."  He pouted slightly.  "Did you go take my artillery?"

"A few things," he said dryly.  "I left most of it since I knew you'd be all right."  Xander pouted.  "They're in a safer storage area, Xander. "

"I'm going home," he told the nurse.  "Can I please have underwear back before someone tries to kidnap me?"

"They'd do it because of the pout," she teased.  "You really do need to be here, Mr. Harris."

He shook his head. "I'm awake.  It's too long after it for a concussion worry.  My arm will heal.  I'm probably making a lot more blood at the moment."  He sat up.  "Please get my things?"

"I don't think it's wise."

Xander kissed her, then grinned.  "Now please.  Before one of my stalkers gets up here or my ex hears and comes up to baby me after she breaks out of her mental confinement."  She looked at Horatio, who stared Xander down.  "I love you, boss, but I miss my menus.  I'll be a good Xander.  You can come check on me there and help Ryan babysit my t- shirts."

Horatio sighed.  "If he's adamant we can't stop him."

"Are you *sure*, Mr. Harris?  You still are very sleepy."

"Drugs," he pointed out.  He swung his feet around.  "Besides, I've got to talk to people soon."

"I'll see if we can discharge you."  She went to call the doctor, who was not thrilled with the idea.  She came back.  "Can you wait two hours?"

"No, you'll feed me slop.  I want my menus."

"You don't want your leftovers?" she teased.

"He's poisonous in the kitchen," Ryan told her.  "It's better he order."

"Since he gave so many agents food poisoning when they stole his lunch one day, it's now illegal for Xander to cook," Speed said.   "If they hear about him cooking they'll arrest him."

She walked off giggling.  She came back with the papers and Xander's bag of things.  "You still don't have any clothes.  They were taken as evidence."

"Good thing it wasn't one of my favorite t-shirts," Xander said grimly, taking his bag.  He looked at himself then shrugged.  "I'll do in this if I can."  She nodded and got him some foot covers for his feet, letting him sign himself out and go home with the antibiotics and sleeping pills if he needed them.  Horatio was even nice enough to drive.  He looked at him.  "I know I'm in deep with IAB, boss," he said once they were alone.

Horatio shook his head.  "I don't think so.  What did Rick say?"

"That he'd see me at the inquest.  Ryan thinks it should be a formality."

"It probably should be.  She had no reason to be at the park.  Unless you called her?"

"No, but it would've drawn halfies to it."

"She was?"

"Yeah, I think that's why she hated me."  He yawned.  "Her and Ms. French both."

Horatio looked over, smiling at the tired boy.  "We're nearly there."

"Okay."  When they got there Xander wobbled inside, waving at his landlord.  "I'm alive.  Feel like shit but I'm alive."

He gave Horatio an odd look.  "Should he be out?  He's very pale."

"No, but he wanted to come home," Horatio told him.   "He said he missed his menus."  He handed Xander the spare set of keys Tanya had made.  Xander gave him an odd look.  "Your ex had them made.  Eric confiscated them and I took them from her things."

"Thank you."  He opened the door and walked inside, going right to his couch, petting his menu stack.  "Good, Mom."

"I'm sure someone will bring you food soon," Horatio said, going to get his inventory list.  "I marked on here what I moved for you and where, Xander."  He took it and grinned at him.  "It's much safer.  It has multiple levels of security.  Rich people use it for art.  Speaking of, did you ever call Wesley's attorney?"

"Nope."  He found that number and called since he was being nagged.  "It's Xander Harris....  I just got out of the hospital, woman!  Yay me!  Sweetie, I saved the fucking world. I was a bit busy," he said dryly.  The phone was handed to another person.  "It's Xander, Ralph.  What did you want?"  He listened, then snorted.  "Excuse me?"  He nodded once.  "And that would include.....  Well, no, I just saved a lot of lives a few days back.  I'm just now out of the hospital."  His mouth fell open.  "Excuse me?"  He whimpered.  "Family.....  Or Gunn?"  He handed Horatio the phone.  "Here, you speak bureaucrat better than I do.  He's giving me a worse headache.  It's worse than visions."  He snuggled in under his throw, closing his eyes.

"This is Horatio Caine.  Yes, that one, his supervisor.  He did.  He's trying to go back to sleep."  He walked the phone into the kitchen, taking some paper to make notes.  "And that would include...."  He wrote that down as well.  "I will let him know.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "You're getting more swords."

"Yippee," he said blandly.

"Plus his bank account."

"Should be about twelve cents.  Angel didn't pay well and his father disowned him."

"You're getting what was supposed to have gone to the others who are no longer with us."

Xander glared in there.  "I don't want to talk about that."

"I'm sure you'll tell me about them some other time, Xander," he said more gently.  "That way they're remembered."  Xander nodded, hiding his head when someone knocked. "You're also getting whatever his father left him.  That's not listed."  He went to answer the door, getting out of Calleigh's way.  "He's hiding."

"I can see my turtle intern."  Xander peeked out at her.  "I should spank for making me build that."

"It said no man could."

"Why?"

"Because they come with funky clauses like that.  That's why I had to get a grenade launcher for Buffy to use in a mall."  He grinned slightly.  "You did look hot with it."

"I couldn't even stand up with the weight of it."

"It was a bit heavy," Horatio agreed.

"Sorry, bosses."

"Not your fault, Xander."  He sat down, smiling at her.  "He missed his menus."

She snorted.  "Yeah, like Speed hasn't called Alexx."  Xander hid again.  She rolled her eyes.  "We'll be there with you at the inquest, Xander."  He gave her an odd look. "We're being called in too.  Stetler already said so."

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be.  It had to be done and we'll miss Natalia."

Horatio coughed.  "That's something we have to talk about tomorrow."  Speed tapped then walked in with a pizza box.  "No Alexx?"

"Tomorrow."  He put the box down in front of Xander, watching as one pale arm came out to slip into the box and grab a piece, bringing it back under the throw.  He smirked at that.  "Hiding from Calleigh or Horatio?"

"Me," she said with a smile.  Then she bopped him on the arm.  "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, even if Horatio is making me do hellish amounts of paperwork."

"I can help with that if I'm not fired," Xander said from his hiding spot.  "I love you guys.  I'll let Ryan babysit my nicer t-shirts."

"Eric will complain," Speed said, sitting down in the spare chair.  "Now that you're home, are you better?"

Xander peeked out, nodding.  He finished the crust and let out a small burp.  "'Scuse me.  I've got to write back to the stripper too.  Tell her I wasn't the one who wrote the last letter.  Now I know why she sent me enough to come back to LA."  He went back to his hiding spot.  "It was very sweet of her."

She gave him an odd look.  "You slept with her?"

He looked at her.  "I had to hide and not see most anyone I knew for a few weeks," he defended.  "She was working at the motel I was hiding in."  He hid again at her look. "Sorry.  I know I need to go to the pound to pick up a dog or three.  I'll call her later."

Calleigh huffed, leaving them alone, going home to worry about what this last girlfriend would be doing.

"Was she good?" Speed asked.

"Tim!" Horatio complained.

Xander grinned at him, nodding a bit.  "Very.  She's very flexible.  She can't cook either.  I think I set her up to date one of Don's agents too."  He went back to hiding at Horatio's odd look.  "He could use the date.  David's even more uptight than Stetler is."

Speed shook his head.  "I don't need that image."  He got up, grabbing a few slices of pizza to go, taking them home to find something to take that out of his head.

Horatio smiled, coming over to tuck him in.  "I'll check on you tomorrow, Xander."  He nodded, grinning at him.  "You rest."  He left, locking the door behind himself.  He went back to his office, finding Rick lurking with Frank.  "You two are going to pounce me together?"

"Wolfe's going odd.  He wanted to know if we were together in that special way," Frank told him.

"Xander offered him the right to babysit his t-shirts," Horatio said with a smile, taking off his sunglasses.  "Yes, Rick?"

"Your office," he ordered.

"Fine."  He headed that way, finding his boss in there.  "Am I in trouble?"

"Checking on the boy," his boss said patiently.

"He checked himself out, went home, and is napping on the couch with the pizza Speedle bought him," Horatio told him, sitting down behind his desk.  His sunglasses got put down so he wouldn't play with them.  "He is worried about the inquest.  He said he was very sorry that she got hurt.  He had no idea she was there."

"Nope, we've got an issue there," Frank told him.  "That's why I was lurking.  Valera and I were saving down her stuff off her computer.  Found transcripts from a few chat sessions with some Feds."  Horatio gave him a stunned look.   "Yup, looked like she was your issue but one did mention another source locally."

"I'll want those," Stetler said.

"Tell Valera," Frank told him.  "I'm just the messenger."

Horatio called down there. "Miss Valera, please bring those to me and make a copy for IAB.  Thank you."  He hung up, looking at his boss.  "Well, that's interesting."

"Very," he agreed.  He smiled a bit.  "Your boy shouldn't worry, Horatio."

"I think it speaks well of him that he is worried and that he was truly sorry she died," he said, looking at his boss.  "I'd worry if he wasn't."

"Good point.  Though with his history...."

Frank shook his head.  "Even Vets who were in hard, prolonged combat don't like having to do stuff that risks or costs lives if they've not been warped by it," he pointed out.  He got the door when Valera knocked, smiling at her.  "I was the messenger of good tidings."

"I love you for it, Detective."  She pinched him on the arm and handed over copies.  "Here you go.  All the chat sessions I found.  A few letters and emails that she had saved down.  I'm sure you can get into her account.  It does hint at a prior source, that's why they sent her."  She handed Stetler a post-it note.  "That's what was on her desk because she had been doing some online banking and shopping recently.  I'd suppose that was her bank or shopping log-in."  She looked at Horatio.   "How's the boy?"

"Sleeping on his couch.  He's quite stubborn," he said with a small smile.  "Thank you, Valera."

"You tell him most of us don't blame him for it."

"He didn't know she'd be there."

"She got a call," Valera told him.  "I don't know from who but it made her rush off.  Someone knew."  She shrugged.  "Better one person than all of Miami."  She left, going back to cleaning up her lab.

Horatio looked at his boss.  "We'll look into that before the inquest."

Stetler coughed.  "No need.  I know who made the call."  Their boss looked at him.  "I've already traced that link.  It was not Harris."  That got a nod and he left them alone.  Frank followed him out since his mission was done with and Stetler still had business.  "Are you keeping him?"

"If at all possible.  His work has been exceptional.  He's worked extra hours.  He's filled in when we needed him to.  I would suggest we leave him out there.  He seems to like that lab."  He smiled.  "If Calleigh needs a new tech locally I would suggest she get him first.  You knew?"

"One of us can always tell another," Stetler admitted, standing up.  "I'll follow up into this mole business, Horatio."  He left, going back to his office.

"That is very interesting," Horatio told himself, filing it away for future reference.

***

Xander woke up that night, looking at the body next to his.  "You're still dead," he noted.

"I do realize that, Xander," Wesley said, sitting down at the foot of his bed.  "By the way, Winifred said hello and to tell you she loved how you solved it with the ball."  Xander gave him a small smile.  "You do know that I had your best interests at heart?"

"Then you would have stuck me in a motel, Wes.  That made it so I nearly had no career.  Nothing that I had trained so hard for."

"It was a misstep," he said, nodding and looking at his hands.

"The t-shirt was even worse."

"That was Connor's idea."

"Figures," he said dryly.

The ghost looked at him.  "I'm not here seeking forgiveness, Xander.  I do need to pass on a few messages.  Yes, the dead can hear you swear at them; I know you were wondering."  Xander smirked at that.  "I left you my things for a reason.  I changed my will after I sent you.  I barely got the changes done in time really."  He gave him a gentle smile.  "I knew what you had seen about the last battle and who hadn't been there.  I was hoping more of us would have survived."  He shifted some.  "Besides, I want you to have it.  Not like Connor would appreciate anything but my swords.  Gunn needed to lighten up and my bike does that well enough for him."  He gave him a gentle smile.  "Plus I have no idea what my father left me when he died."

"Apparently a few things, I haven't gotten into it with Ralph.  I let Horatio talk to him.  My head still hurts."

"As it shall for a few more days.  By the way, you spread the visions but you'll still have some.  That was the second message.  The Powers are not pleased that you tipped the balance by having Wolfram and Hart taken out."

"Too much evil, not enough good guys.  It probably rebalanced it again."

"Probably tipped it a bit to the side of good," Wes corrected.  "The slayers will have one who breaks a leg or something shortly."

"Maybe Buffy'll have kids."

Wesley looked at him.  "Don't wish that on an innocent."

Xander shrugged, giving him a look.  "Someone's got to."

"Dawn's pregnant."

"Poor thing.  She okay?"

"Buffy kicked her out.   She's safe, which is more important at the moment.  She'll be fine and I've already sent Angel to nag her to go to LA with her daughter."  He gave him another smile.  "Now then.  We must talk with Ralph ourselves.  Soon, Xander."  He nodded at that, grimacing some.  "I wouldn't worry so much about this inquest either.  It's not like you could have stopped the demon some other way and you nearly died."

"Someone else did die."

"Well all go sometime," Wes said dryly, giving him a look.  "It could have been much worse."

"I still don't like the sacrifice one to save many theory."

"Nor do I, lad.  She's the one who didn't run.  She stood there staring at the demon in awe.  It ate her.  She didn't move even when it batted aside the human."  He smirked.  "Most sensible beings would have at least tried to run."

"I know I wanted to."  He looked at him.  "Why else are you here?"

"It was me or Cordelia and she was going to complain about your t-shirts and letting others be warped by them."

"Everyone could use some levity."

Wesley smirked.  "Keep that innocent look, Xander.  By the way, do consider using a surrogate some day.  Even though your DNA samples at Wolfram and Hart are gone, it could do a lot for the world if you had a child."

"Who would be a what?"

"Oh, no, lad.  They want nothing more to do with you unless it's about their world ending."  He smirked. "They really do not like you.  Even worse than when Dracula was in."  He stood up.  "Now, eat the pizza, dear boy.  Call Ralph in the morning.  Tell him I said hello.  Tell Connor I said the same thing."

"Sure.  Anything else I should know?"

"Oh, yes.  There is love for you down here but do not try to hit on the nice redhead."

"Um, he's my boss and dating someone," Xander said dryly.  "I don't poach and he's a lot like a big brother."

"Good."  He faded out.  "Eat something, dear."

"Yes, mother."  He sat up, grabbing a slice of pizza to eat, looking at the time.  Middle of the night.  So of course nothing would be on tv and he wasn't sleepy anymore. "The drugs must be gone now."  He got back to his pizza, going over the inventory of artillery again.  He wondered how big this other storage area was.  He'd have to ask Horatio, see if he could put the other stuff there or why he hadn't put the other stuff there. He finished that slice and got up to get some soda, finding a DVD he wanted to watch, sitting down to do that.  When it was closer to dawn than not he called Ralph.  The guy was a vampire, he'd be up and cranky but at home instead of out partying.  "Ralph, Wes said hi."  He listened to him splutter.  "He showed up to talk.  Said Fred missed me.  Said you found out what his father left him?  Because he nagged, Ralph.  You know I normally wouldn't give a damn."  He sat up, frowning.  "Excuse me?  Want to repeat that?"  He heard laughter from above him and looked up.  "You knew, bastard."

"It will protect you," Wes's voice floated out.

Xander sighed, listening to the vampire attorney.  "Wonderful.  No, I'm still in Miami, Ralph.  Find a way to bring me the details and all the paperwork stuff.  Because I've got to go to work in a few days?  I've got an inquest in a few days too."  He nodded.  "No, I think I'll be okay without it.  Because it was about the huge ass demon, Ralph.  Yeah well, it ate someone too."  He listened to him.  "No, I'll be fine without a lawyer.  It's like a shooting review board.  Which I've already had one of."  He nodded.  "Thank you.  Yeah, I'll be here.  No, that's work.  Don't send it there."  He hung up, going back to his movie.  He had to think.  When it was later he decided to call Horatio.  "If you see the vampire lawyer it's Ralph about Wes's family estate stuff.  Well, Wes may've been disowned but he was the only child and his father died without a will.  The Brits loved him enough to give it to him about eight months before he died."

He grimaced.  "He said Wes hadn't finished signing forms.  He was signing without reading basically.  No, I told Ralph he could not fax things to work for me to sign.  When can I go back?  After the inquest is fine," he sighed.  "When is it?"  He smiled and made a note.  "Thanks, Horatio.  Oh, I reminded Wes when his ghost showed up that I see you like a big brother because he got naggy and suggested we date."  He heard the shocked silence and then the cackling at that idea.  "Yeah, so I told him no.  But if he sics Fred or Spike on you to suggest it, give them good reasons.  I know you're dating someone.  That's a good enough reason for me."  He hung up, snuggling back into his throw and pillows, eating another piece of pizza while he watched the morning news.  He thought about doing his usual PT but his arm was still not healed well enough and he had a headache again.  Sometimes Wes did that to people.

***

Xander came in the morning after the inquest, looking at Speed.  "Morning."

"Morning.  You don't look happy to have been cleared of all guilt."

"The woman who got smacked is trying to sue me."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too.  The prosecutor on the board pointed out that she should have run too."  He sat down.  "They suggested I settle with her or else it'll come out in court records.  I was almost mean enough to sic Willow on her."  He grimaced, going to put his lunch in the break room and then head to his lab.  He looked around.  "Did Calleigh steal things?"

"Just the one microscope that broke," Speed called.  "Work Trace today, Xander."  He nodded, going to do that.  He called Horatio.  "Xander's in his usual ten minutes early and working Trace since he doesn't have a comparison microscope.  When is his coming back?"  He smiled at the answer.  "He told me he's being sued.  He suggested Willow actually."  That got a cackle.  "Exactly."  He listened to him, leaning back.  The paperwork on the desk got a look.  "Yeah, I've got those.  I do a lot less out here than you do, Horatio."  He smirked at that.  "Who's coming out here to run it when I'm cleared for field work finally?"  He nodded at that.  "That'll work.  Gerald and I have had a few talks.  It'll be fine."  Xander came in with a long string being held up.  "What's that?"  He hung up.

"I don't know.  I found it in your microscope and no samples out or in there.  I was hoping you knew where it came from."

Speed looked at it.  "Is that fuse cord?"

"No, silk."  He put it down carefully on top of an empty plastic bag.  The bag bubbled.  "Is that what happened to my poor microscope?"  Speed nodded.  "Huh.  Gerald?" he called, carrying it back to trace.  "Was your lab tampered with?"

"No, Xander.  They knew better."

"Charming."  He ran a sample, bringing the report back when he got it.  "HCL soaked silk cording.  You're out of things to do so I'm going to clean your lab while you figure out how hydrochloric acid got out onto a rope."  He went back there.

Speed looked over the report, faxing it to Horatio's office.  He could deal with that.   Or Stetler, he liked to bring bad officers to heel and make them beg.  It was his most fun memories ever probably.  He went to get the security footage from Gerald.  "Who broke in?"

He shrugged, pointing at that monitor.  "I'm running the traffic cams."

Speed sat down over there to run the security footage, finding who it was.  He gave Gerald a look, then patted him on the back.  "Jealous?"

"No!" he scoffed.  He glared at him.  "You know I loathe the both of you.  You came in and destroyed my calm little center of my world.  My work area, my quiet times, all of it had to be rearranged and it's not right.  It's my rituals."

Xander leaned in.  "Gerald, I could care less about your lab, man.  If you want to hang out in here, hang out in here.  Not like I'm going to be upset."  Gerald got up and huffed off.  "Him?"

"Yup."

"Horatio?"

"Yup."  He called him.  "Come here please.  Yup, we know."  He hung up.  "You going to wax the floors?"

"Must I?"

"Another word for intern is slave," he said smugly.

"Uh-huh.  Keep it up and I'll salve the pain of her loss by going out to club and celebrate her life," he shot back, making Speed's eyes go wide.  He went back to Trace, but he did find the buffer and the wax to do the floors.  They could use it.  Horatio came in, not taking off his sunglasses. "What happened to our janitor?"

"Bob," he said dryly.  He went into AV, finding Speed replaying the footage.  "Did he think you wouldn't check?"

"Apparently not."  He looked at him.  "He claims we upset his routines and rituals by being here."

"You might have, it still does not excuse him destroying property or trying to tamper with evidence or machines."  He took off his sunglasses, looking at Speed.  "Wesley suggested Xander and I date but he did tell him he thought of me as a big brother."

Speed glared at him then out in the hall.  "Good thing."

"He kept that idea from going forward," Horatio soothed, patting him on the back.  "Even though Rick did get a visit from Winifred."  Xander leaned in, giving him a horrified look.  "She thinks we're all such adorable boys and you should date a nice boy from the lab."

"Which leaves Ryan or DC."

"Tyler, the AV tech on nights," Speed offered.  "There's a few others."   He looked at Horatio.  "Why did she show up?"

"She told him to tell Xander to come pick up her things too.  That her science collection and notes would better be served down here."

"Then I'd need to buy a house with a lab," Xander said, going back to his floor buffing.

Horatio smiled.  "It appears Wesley's family left him everything when they died and it all went to Xander when Wesley died."

"Good," he said slowly.  "And?"

"That would include a British estate."

"And an older title," Xander called.  "Technically I'm a Sir Xander now.  Not much different than I was before really."  Speed came out to give him an odd look.  "Knight is the proper title of people who jump into the fight without having a born skill, like a slayer."  He gave him a look.  "I'm well known as the White Knight or the Last Knight of Sunnydale."  Speed shuddered.  "Now I can formally joust and all that stuff though."  Speed went to find his antacids and take one, then went back to AV.  "Hey, Horatio, this wax has a purple tinge to it."

"We noticed.  It's still good, Xander."

"The floors are green, Horatio.  Even I'm not that bad at matching colors."

Horatio laughed, coming out to look.  "I'll have them send you a different bottle of wax."  He patted him on the back.  "I have a few papers Ralph brought down for you to sign.  He's local and faxed them to me."  He went to get them from the hummer, handing them over.  He found Gerald cleaning out his locker and walked him out to the hummer, locking him inside it.  He called Stetler on the way back.  "I found who tampered with the satellite lab's equipment.  Locked in my hummer.  Thank you.  I'll meet you there."  He hung up, letting Xander finish signing things, using him as a witness.  Then he walked off, taking it back to the lab with Gerald.  He handed him over to Frank.  "He goes to Rick."

"I heard.  The boy?"

"Waxing the floors out there."  He followed them inside, handing the receptionist the papers. "Fax those back to where they came from please?"  He took his messages, handing her one.  "To him."  He found one of the janitors on his way inside.  "Please send the satellite lab a bottle of clear floor wax?  They have green floors and some of that purple tinted wax.  One of the boys is complaining."  That got a nod.  He finally made it to interrogation, listening to him tell Rick why Xander and Speed were bad for destroying his rituals.  He noticed Ryan Wolfe in there.  "OCD guide?" he asked lightly.

"Basically.  Making sure I don't want to do the same thing.  As long as they leave my locker alone I'll be fine."  He looked at him.  "Who's on for field work that way?"

"Speed will be cleared in another two weeks.  Xander has it as his minor."

"Interesting.  Eric had one that way.  He was going to call out there to see."  He looked at Gerald, who gave him a horrified look.  "What?"

"No!  It's wrong!  Xander cannot go into the field!  He'll get taken again, dammit!"

Ryan snorted.  "Xander?  Not hardly.  Work is different than clubbing."

"He was rated quite highly by the FBI and San Diego when he did field work for them," Horatio said mildly.  Rick gave him a horrified look.  "He's the one who gathered the information for Agent Epps."

"I realized that.  Can he count the hours?"

Horatio shrugged.  "I'm not sure it'd be appropriate and we're still looking at next year's budget."  He smirked at Gerald again.  "You do know this means I've got to move Tyler or DC down there, don't you?"  He whimpered.

"DC and Xander are friends," Ryan offered.  "He can even try to unwarp Xander a bit more."

"I heard why Delko had a talk with Rosenburg," Rick sneered.

Ryan smirked back.  "Because he thought she might warp me like she did Xander.  Then I'd be warped *and* have OCD."   Horatio shuddered at that and Gerald burst out crying.  "Instead I'm babysitting some of his t-shirts."  He moved his track jacket to show it off.  Stetler went pale so Ryan walked out, going to leave his jacket in his locker.

"Mr. Wolfe, change!" Horatio yelled after him. "Not even Speed allows Xander to wear that one!"

Calleigh looked at his t-shirt and whimpered.  "Ryan!  Did Xander warp you?  Come on, let's get you some tea once you change that t-shirt."  She walked him off to make him change it, sending it back to Xander with a reprimand she wrote out while the tea water was heating up.  Then she came back to make sure Ryan was going to stay normal and not Xander-ish.  She was with Eric on this one.  Ryan was not allowed to turn into Xander!

***

Xander grinned at Speed that night when he flopped down at his table at the higher end club.  "Hey."

"Hey.  What did Wolfe do?"

"I gave him babysitting rights to some of my t-shirts."

Speed looked at him then swatted him.  "No more bad thoughts, Xander, or we can't keep you."

"I'm being kept?  I know you're dating someone and I'm definitely not for getting between couples," he babbled, getting up and heading  out.  "Don't worry about it."

Speed groaned.  "Have to talk to him tomorrow about his later job."  Horatio and Eric came in to join them, making him smile.  "Morning."

"Where's Xander?" Eric asked. "I wanted to swat him for letting Wolfe wear his _by reading this shirt, you have given me brief control of your mind (now you'll be just like me)_ t-shirt.  It gave DC nightmares during his afternoon nap, which I had to wake him up from because Valera didn't want swatted by him fighting off the sweater vests."

Horatio smiled and pointed.  "I do believe he's picking out his next stalker."

Eric went out there, going to swat Xander.  "Do not let Wolfe borrow your t-shirts anymore, Xander.  You gave DC nightmares during his nap."

"He gets a naptime?"

"Yeah, Gerald got soap opera time," he said dryly, going back to his table.  They were there to make sure Xander wasn't kidnaped.  Again.  Of course, they were doomed to fail because even three officers could not keep Xander in visual range at all times.

***

Horatio walked Xander into the main lab the next morning, handing him to Frank.  "Hold him."  He went to help Speed and Eric with the prisoners, walking his into the interrogation room.  Speed brought his two, Eric his struggling one.  Then he slammed the door and left them in there to finishing snapping at each other.  John and Frank both gave him odd looks.  "Two sets of twins who were fighting over who got to keep him.  That's how we found him.  Xander suggested they get out of the cars before the set of redhead twins made the others crash by ramming them so they could get him back."  He walked off.

Xander looked at Frank, shrugging a bit.  "Not a clue.  All I wanted was out.  I flagged down an officer who was not amused."  He headed for the office but Speed handed him back to John.  "What!"

"Statement, kid," John said, shaking his head.  "What sort of presents did you get this time?"

Xander frowned, starting to pat himself down.  He walked into the bathroom so he could strip and get everything out of his underwear, then put it with the things in his pockets, handing over the paper towel he had been using to lay things on.  Then he grinned and walked off.  "They'll help you.  It'll stop the fights."

"Uh-huh.  We still need yours," he called after him.  He saw Ryan wobble in.  "Did you get taken?"

"No, I got mugged."  He held his head.  "Someone wanted my wallet until they saw the t- shirt.  Then they kindly called an officer and told her I was wrong somehow and dangerous."

Frank looked at the t-shirt - always a pallbearer, never a corpse - and growled.  "Go take it off, Wolfe.  No more borrowing Harris' t-shirts!"

"I didn't.  I found this one."

Xander came back, looking at it and grinning.  "Can I buy it?"

"I paid twenty-five."  Xander handed over some of the money he had been handed, giving him fifty and took the t-shirt off him there.  He walked off happier, going to find a ride to his lab.  Ryan looked down at his undershirt.  "Let me find something to wear."  He walked into the locker room, going to his locker.  He knew he had a few spare shirts in there.  But hey, he had made lunch and dinner money.  He came out tucking in his new shirt, watching the two detectives watch the two sets of twins argue.  "Want popcorn?  I can go remove the cuffs."

"That'd be a match for pay-per-view," John muttered.  Frank slugged him on the arm, going in there to break up the snapping and 'he's mine, bitch' fight.  "Pity."  He went to catalog the stuff Xander had pulled off himself, handing it to Horatio once it was in an evidence bag.  "He went back to work after buying Wolfe's t-shirt off him."

"Thank him for me," Horatio said blandly.  "Did you get the twins straightened out?"

"Frank's in there.  I was watching," he said with a smirk, going back to that.  Yelina was watching too.  "One set had Xander, the other was trying to get him instead."

"Ah."  She just nodded, sighing as she walked in there.  "None of you fake little girls are woman enough to deal with Xander on a full time basis.  I met his last girlfriend.  She couldn't walk some days."

"There's two of us, old lady.  He can wear us both out."

Frank snorted.  "He'd have to wear all of you out.  And he'd still need more.  The kid is the source of viagra according to his ex."  They all groaned at that, but started to look at each other.  "Not that you'll find out from jail, ladies.  By the way, Detective Salas is the one we're trying to set Xander up with.  She's even nice enough to cook for him since the kid can't."

"I've got a housekeeper," one of the blonde ones said smugly to Yelina.

"Our mother would more than happily cook for him too," one of the redheads told her.  "We're worth a lot of money."

John leaned in.  "Xander already has an estate in England and he's a Knight by heritage.  You're both poorer than that and not worthy of it."  He closed the door and went back to watching from the hidden room.

Frank looked at Yelina.  "He's a knight?"

"His friend Wesley left it to him."

"Good to know.  I'm sure he'll look great fox hunting."  He went back to the report.  "Any other qualifications you think you have since Xander likes guns?"  They slumped down, frowning some.  "He's our best ballistics intern ever, kids.  The ladies around here take him shopping and everything."  That got a redhead pouting.  "He's from near LA too."  That got two blondes pouting at him.  The other redhead gave him a pitiful look.  "He's training to take over Caine's spot and that means long hours."  She pouted too, looking down.  "Good."  He finished his report, handing it to Yelina.  "Have them escorted please?"

She looked outside, waving in some officers.  "They wanted Intern Harris as their own.  Take them."  She handed over the forms.

"Which one is Harris?" one of them asked.

"The ballistics tech out at the satellite lab," Frank told him.

"Oh, the strange one who thinks football is like gay sex.  Did he ever explain how he got that one?"

"Yeah, go ask Cooper.  He explained it to him and Valera," Frank said with a grin.  That got a nod and they went to do that after they walked the ladies down to booking.

"That's so mean," Yelina chastised.

"Wolfe had his t-shirt bought by the kid this morning," he said dryly, getting up and going back to his desk.  "What'd he get this time, John?"

"Three grand, six phone numbers, and a ruby tie clip."

"He won't wear ties, he was strangled a few times," Yelina told him, going back to her own desk.  Frank and John both stared at her.  "Horatio told me why he wouldn't wear a tie.  Apparently his first lover did it and then another person strangled him to try to kill him."

"When can we drag the kid to the pound?" John asked Frank.

"He said when he decided where he was going to end up.  He told me he got an offer from Chicago the other day."

"Does Horatio know?" Yelina demanded.  Frank shrugged so she called.  "Horatio, Xander's getting offers from Chicago to work for them?  Frank said so.  Yes, I do believe you should react faster."

"He's meeting with them after work," Frank told her.

"Frank said he's meeting with them after work."  She smiled and hung up.  "We'll make sure he stays here."

***

Horatio walked into the meeting room, smiling at the two people in there.  "Xander."  Xander looked at him, looking confused.  "It's only fair that you hear Miami's offer as well."

"I thought...."

"The Chief wants to keep you, Xander."  He sat down next to the detective from Chicago.   "I know your labs are rebuilding and I do have another intern that would do very well for you.  He's been trained by our Calleigh and some by Xander as well."  He texted him, getting him running in.  "Brad, this is ...."

"Detective Vecchio, Chicago."  He shook his hand.

"Wow, you guys are seriously rebuilding.  It's supposed to be a great new lab, Detective."  That got a smile.

"Brad is on the normal internship schedule, Detective, and he is rated seventh in the country."  Ray nodded, walking him off to talk to him.  Horatio looked at Xander, sliding over the paperwork from his pocket.  "The Chief wanted you to have that."

Xander looked at it then at him.  "It's more money."

"It is.  You'd also stay at the satellite lab.  It would be yours.  You would be Calleigh's second.  Her lab tech would come behind you."  Xander gave him a stunned look.  "You've proved yourself, Xander."  He tapped the papers.  "The salary is top notch, in line with New York's and the federal ones.  You're third in command out there already.  I know Helen from night shift wants you to stay.  She's taking over the satellite lab when we get Speed back."  He smiled at him.  "You'd be getting Tyler from night AV, she's already decided on that.  Trace will be determined by Speed personally.   You and Helen will be working out the t-shirt thing yourselves."  He stared at him.  "We want you to stay for other reasons as well.  You're a great tech, Xander.  We love having you in our labs," he said quietly.  "The Chief was thinking we might need you but I want  you to stay because I want *you* to be here."

"Wow, forty-eight is a bit low but it's still a great salary," Brad said a bit loudly.

"They're in a lower budget city," Horatio called over.  "With the remodel and the rebuild, plus the problems they've had with the mandatory retirement clause recently that will go up fairly quickly, Brad."  He got a smile.  "It's a very good lab in the making.  They need top quality techs to make sure it stays that way.  You are one.  I would not recommend Charlene for an 'A' level lab like theirs will be.  They have also called down to see how bad the paperwork is for federal levels."  That got a nod and Brad looked at him and signed right then.  He smiled.  "I think you'll like them."

"When are you done, kid?" Ray asked.

"Three more months.  I'm already pulling overtime.  Calleigh left me alone in the lab all last week, Detective."  He grinned.  "Do you guys really have Mounties?"  Ray moaned.  "I think that's really cool and I'm looking forward to working with some international cooperation.  Horatio scares them."

"They come in pushy," Horatio told him.  "I'll gladly work *with* others."

Ray smirked at him.  "I still need evaluations from you."  Horatio pulled them out and handed them over.  "He's a good tech?"

"Very good.  Give him a trial weekend, Detective Vecchio," Xander told him.  "He's on my level of good and even Calleigh agrees he's more than ready to lead his own lab.  He'll do it more quietly and won't have to deal with the strange crap I would."

"I like that even better.  I've got a Mountie for that."  He looked over the evaluations.  "Field time?"

"I've had to help gather at a mass shooting event," he admitted. "I did take the mandatory four classes we all have to have and I'm not against taking the others I need to make it a minor if you need me to," Brad said happily.  "I really like that you guys have tuition reimbursement.  I've been taking classes toward my doctorate in physics online after hours."  Ray looked impressed at that.  He leaned closer.  "Xander has to deal with the strange stuff.  He was sent down here before he got hired to do that," he said quietly.  "I'm not like that.  I'm a good Baptist boy and I know enough to handle things.  I'm also borderline on the gun nutjob scale according to Calleigh.  I'm every bit the tech Xander is, Detective Vecchio, but I can cook and I won't poison people with it."

Ray smiled and nodded.  "I'll run you past my boss tonight.  He's got next level approval and then our hiring board."

"I have a clean record, no blips, one missed day for a traffic accident I made up that weekend.  No shooting reviews because I wasn't there the day the lab assault happened. Though if I had been I would have jumped in.  You'll also find I'm in the Reserves now."  That got a nod and a smile.  "As a lab tech, not anything that'll get me sent into combat. I have an external contract with an R&D facility in Lansing, Michigan that I can guarantee will bring some notoriety to the lab and some money and grants as well.  I have federal clearance due to that and I do know the people who do the lab evaluations for the federal standard.  One of them also helps the lab I help with.  I think I can get him to help with the federal level paperwork to elevate us."

"I like you more and more.  You okay with odd, bouncy people and wolves who steal food?"

"I'd hope the wolf wouldn't be in the lab," he said dryly.  "But I'm used to Xander and he's hyperactive.  Bouncy doesn't scare me anymore.  I like dogs as long as they're outside the labs so I wouldn't mind meeting him as long as he's friendly."

"He works with our Mountie."

"That's fine," he agreed happily, smiling at him.  "Everyone needs a partner.  It keeps you from being bored on the long days."

"We don't get much of that.  Come on, let's go call my boss."  He walked him off.  "Thanks, Caine."

"Welcome, Detective," he said, smiling at Xander.  "If you had warned me we could have done this without the bit of theatrics."

"I, um, thought you guys wouldn't want me to stay."

Horatio stroked his cheek.  "We want you to stay, Xander.  Club problem, artillery, and all.  You can even turn your lab into your dream lab."  Xander beamed at that.  "You can work field hours down there if you need to, or trace hours.  I want your lab to be fully on it's own by the end of two years.  Possibly all but DNA capabilities.  All right?"  Xander nodded at that.  "So you're the first step in making the satellite lab as good as our main one."

"I can bring in my own guns?"

"If you and Helen can work it out.  I do know you're due for a lab upgrade."

"Not glass like you guys had?" he asked hopefully.

"No.  That was Natalia's grant," he said dryly, shaking his head.  He smiled.  "Plus we'd be more than willing to let Alexx cook for you more often."

"She, um...."

"I know.  One of her children had chicken pox."  Xander brightened up at that.  "She does like you, Xander.  I promise she does.  We all want you to stay."

"Does Helen know she's coming over?"

"She'll know tonight.  We're having a meeting in about an hour.  So finish looking that over and sign it please."

Xander went back to reading it over.  "No tuition reimbursement?"

"It got taken out a little over a year ago as a money saving measure," he said blandly.  Xander shrugged.  "I know, you're not really here for the money or the education, Xander."  Xander looked at him.  "We like you for who you are and what you can do outside and inside the lab.  We appreciate you and your artillery knowledge, all your skills."

"Miami shouldn't have many more problems."

"We still want you even if another demon never comes here again."

Xander smiled and nodded, taking his pen to sign it.  He handed it back.  "I get to tell Helen you said I could wear my t-shirts?"

"That's between you two.  I'll mediate."  He smiled, tucking it back into his pocket.  "Brad will do much better for what Chicago needs.  They need someone who'll rebuild their lab and he's got the contacts they need.  We need you."  He stood up.  "Come on, we'll do that meeting and then Speed's fixing dinner."  He nodded, following him out.  He looked at the suit.  "You do look nice in that."

"I can't work in it."

"Hmm.  Some can't."  He put on his sunglasses, walking him outside to the hummer.  "Are you finished with Wesley's paperwork?"

"Yeah, so now I have to find somewhere better to live.  My rent's paid to the end of the year's lease but I still need to find somewhere better to live.  I'll use that as storage until I get it.  Fred sent me books too."

"I'm sure we can give you recommendations of good places to live.  Eric and Speed have both had more than a few apartments down here.  Somewhere with air conditioning even."  Xander gave him a hug.  "It'll be fine, Xander.  Now, let's go talk to the others."  He started the hummer, backing out and heading to the meeting with the chief.  He handed over the forms, getting a smile and a nod.  "Brad signed on with Chicago if they'll accept him.  They were quite impressed with his contacts and plans to help them rebuild."  He sat down, letting Xander pick his own seat.   He looked at Helen.  "Speed picked you personally to run the satellite lab."

"Wow."  She looked at the Chief.  "You agree?"

He smiled.  "I leave the labs to Horatio's good sense, Helen.  He thinks it can be a fully functional lab within a few years' time."

"That is what I have planned so we can take some of the stress off ours," Horatio agreed, staring at her.  "You're due for a lab upgrade out there anyway.  You will be keeping Xander."  She gaped at that.  "You can have Tyler, I know he was approached about going out there when Speed asked you for a recommendation."  Tyler smiled at him.  "It's not hard at this point in time but we will be giving you more control over your part of the county as things progress."

"It won't bother me.  I know Gerald had a lot of down time."

"No, he watched a lot of soaps," Xander told him, waving a bit.  "Hi, I'm Xander."

"Tyler.  DC told me he had met you."  He shook his hand.  "He told me a lot about you," he said with a small smirk.  "We're all good as long as your t-shirts don't give me a headache, Xander.  I'm a nice guy."  Xander grinned at that.  "Lieutenant, how full?  Fingerprints?  Trace?"

"Both and Xander can sub in trace when we need him to.  He's also rated to do backup field work," Horatio told them, getting a smirk from Helen.  "It was his second minor.  He did his hours in San Diego and with the FBI on a few cases that he probably can't count for hours but it was field work in my opinion."

"Wonderful.  So I'll get my whole lab, have you helping me rebuild it, and we won't have the ugly glass teeth?"

"That was not our plan," the Chief said dryly.  "Her federal funders and minders made those decorating decisions.  I'd rather have blues and calming colors instead of green glass canyon walls."

She smiled.  "Okay."  She looked at Horatio.  "The downside?"  Xander raised his hand. "I've heard a lot about you, Xander.  You're not a downside."

"My clubbing problem can be."

"We'll work on that with you.  For right now, do what you've been doing."

"This morning we had to save him from two sets of twins who where fighting over him," Horatio told her.  She giggled at that, just nodding.  "He also has a personal exemplar that he might be willing to keep in the lab without donating it to the lab while he's with us."

"That's fine with me, Horatio."  She looked at him.  "We'll go over that.  What does your lab need?"

"Everything.  I have one really old matching system and Gerald destroyed my comparison scope.  The firing pen being added onto the outside of the building doesn't bother me."

"I want to tour it, I want input into what we're upgrading, and I want authorization on techs," she told Horatio.

"I think that's reasonable.  Speed is going to pick his successor for Trace."

"He's reasonable about it.  Field?"

"When we get you up to that, we'll send you a few to work with Xander and possibly later on interns of your own."

"I like to teach," Xander told him.

"I noticed and you did a good job with Brad, Xander.  Charlene...  Well, she wasn't willing to be taught."  He smiled at him.  "You'll get interns within five years."  Xander beamed and nodded at that.  He looked at her again.  "Speed's coming back to my team in two weeks."

"I can move by then," she promised.  "Because I live out in the 'glades on the other side of the city."

"As long as you can get to scenes in a reasonable amount of time," Horatio told her.  She nodded at that.  "Speed did say there's not that much going on out there so you should be able to keep going into the field if you want."

"I could like that.  He told me he's been bored stupid enough to watch soaps himself a few times."  She smiled. "Just the one shift?"  He nodded.  "We start when?"

"Ten," Xander told her.  "It's even clean."

"That's a good thing.  I heard what you guys found."  Tyler shuddered.  "Exactly."  She looked at Horatio.  "I can agree to that.  Having Harris there as a second in command will be fine with me.  Tyler, you mind?"

"Nope.  I'm a simple lab tech.  If Speed picks Johnson he won't care either.  Patrick might kick up some crap but that'll settle down."

"Which one is he?"

"The blond sneering guy in the main lab on day shift."

"Oh, him.  Yeah, I saw him the weekend Speed pulled me up there to make sure I could use the real machines.  You might tell him the one machine won't be back for another three days," Xander told her.  "Or have Speed remind him that we've got nearly nothing out there."

Horatio nodded.  "Their mass spec is in the shop.  It blew a fuse."

"How far are they behind us?" the Chief asked.

"They got the materials we had during the last tech upgrade.  Including our old counters and flooring it looks like."  Helen gaped.  Then gaped at Xander, who nodded.

"I need a new scope," he agreed.

"Damn," Tyler said in awe.  "Yeah, we need an upgrade.  I'm sure we can make it good, Lieutenant."

"And I used to work construction so I can help," Xander offered.

"I had forgotten about that," Horatio said with a smile.  "I'll have the boys come over to help you celebrate tonight so they can help you find a better place to move, Xander."  He nodded at that.  He looked at the Chief.  "As long as there's no problem with hiring him?"

"Not on my end."  He signed the paperwork and handed over the envelope from his pocket, smiling when Horatio handed it to the boy.  "Your signing bonus.  It's meant to help you move down here, son."  He looked at Helen.  "It's a task but it'll put you on the level with your boss and this one."

"Agreed!" she told him.  "We won't be split for non-felonies?"  Horatio shook his head.  "That's fine then.  We're in the low threat count part of the county.  So we'll be taking over within two years?"

"That is my plan," Horatio agreed. "I've already secured the grants to update you.  Miss Boa Vista led to a lot of opening doors."  Helen gaped, then gave him a dirty look.  "She was the mole," he said quietly.  "I can and have talked to the people over her about things and they've agreed that something should be done to update our lesser lab."

"Then I'm all for blackmailing the feds," she said dryly.  "Let me know when I can start picking out colors, tiles, and machines."

"I'll do that."  He looked at his boss.  "We'll have a planning meeting a month after she starts?  That way she has time to go over Speed's update list and add to it?"

"That's reasonable.  Can you move Wolfe down there?  He can work trace."

"I'll suggest that to Speed tonight."

"That would cure some problems too," Xander told him.  "Like that reporter brat that he used to date."

"Again a good reason," Horatio said with a smile.  "Plus you and Ryan get along well."  Xander nodded.  "How are you in fingerprints?"

"Baseline.  There and DNA."

"That's fine.  We'll keep DNA with Miss Valera.  She'd pout otherwise.  Alexx can do the autopsies as well.  She'll pout worse."  That got a smile and a nod.  "That would push Xander back to third in command.  If Tyler didn't care?"

"Not for me to run a lab, Lieutenant.  It scares the piss outta me."

"That's fine then.  Helen?"

"That works for me," she agreed. "I like Wolfe and I'm sure we won't have problems like Bob had."  She looked at Xander.  "Should you have to do something in your *other* major, I need to know first, even if it's on the way to handling it.  Am I clear?"  He nodded.  "Good.  I also want a personal threat index on who I have to worry about showing up for you."

He pulled out his wallet, handing it over.  "That's Buffy and that's Willow."  He looked at her.  "I'll run.  I nearly did when Willow was there when I woke up.  It's why I got out so soon."

"I tried to have her banished, she kept sneaking back in," Horatio admitted.  "Eric had a talk with her, Xander.  I'm sure she'll rearrange her thinking.  He's promised next time she's going to be talking with Calleigh and Alexx."  He patted him on the back.  "We can also take you to the pound."  Xander beamed at that.  "Or you could date Mr. Wolfe and we'll still take you to the pound.  He seems to appreciate your t-shirts since he was wearing a few."

"Speed likes my sarcasm ones."

"As do I," Horatio said dryly.  "Anything's better than your elephant one."

"We'll go through your closet," Helen told him.  "Though you do look nice."

"Chicago came down to talk to me about their program."

"Ah.  You dressed up.  I like that.  Keep a suit in your locker for sudden court appearances.  It's always easier."  She looked at them.  "With your leave, sir, I'm off to celebrate with my girlfriend."

"Go for it," the Chief said happily, shaking her hand. "Congratulations."

"Thank you, sir.  Am I telling my boss?"

"I will gloat on your behalf," Horatio promised.  That got a nod and she left.  He smiled at Tyler.  "Whenever you can I'll expect you out there.  Since Gerald got fired it's been Xander and Speed for the last few days."

"I can report there tomorrow morning if I can have tonight off," he offered.  The Chief nodded.  "Thank you, sir, and you too, Lieutenant.  I'll see you tomorrow, Xander.  Congrats."  He walked out smiling.  It was a serious raise in status.  Plus it was a lot easier of a job.  Gerald only did an hour's worth of work a day.

***

Horatio knocked on Xander's door.  "The nightshift supervisor is not happy with me.  She's threatened to dent my hummer and run over my sunglasses."

"I'll spank her if she does," Xander promised, letting him inside.  "They're suggesting areas to look."  He led him back to the table, smiling at Speed.  "They want to run over his sunglasses and dent the hummer."

"We'll make the evil bitch sorry," Speed promised with a smirk at his lover.  "He said he doesn't want a house."

"It is a big investment but how about a townhouse?" he suggested.

"There's some fantastic ones down there," Eric said thoughtfully, logging onto a realty site down, selecting that area of the city.  "Here's a good one.  3000 square feet, two floors.  It's in a very nice area.  It's got reasonable payments as long as you make a good down payment."  He let the kid see it.  "It's not spacious but it's looking okay."

Xander looked at him.  "I have that much in the bedroom, Eric.  I need storage."  He looked at Horatio.  "Why didn't you put the rest down there?"

"Because the rest is illegal and I can't put that there.  They want inventory lists."  He gave him a look.  "Find him something we'd all like to come over and hang out at, Eric."  He found another one, letting him see it.  "That is spacious by Miami standards."

"That's spacious by LA standards," Xander said dryly.  He looked it over. "It's being refinished?"

"Probably the floors," Speed said, calling the number.  "Hi, this is Detective Speedle.  I'm helping our new ballistics tech look for a townhouse.  You have one listed...  That one."  He listened.  "So what's wrong with it?  At that price?" he snorted.  He nodded slowly then smirked at Xander.  "Two whole floors have to be replaced thanks to the last tenant dying from multiple stab wounds.  A domestic."

"I can banish ghosts," he said quietly.

"He said he can have it reblessed."  He listened. "Yes, he's a ballistics tech, he would have guns."  He smirked a bit.  "Where is that one?"  He typed an address into the search function, coming up with the listing.  "No, he's working at the satellite lab."  He nodded, typing in another address.  "That looks nice.  What's the catch?"  He smirked at that. "He'll have pets."  He nodded, going to another website to look there  "I can do that.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "One is now listed as a no violence community.  No guns permitted or they can have you removed from the community.  The other was no pets."  He looked up the area and found a few he would like.  He looked at Xander.  "Do you want something you can work on or something you can move in and it'll be perfect?"

"Umm....  I don' want to come home after a full day at the lab and put in eight hours working on the house but mild painting and stuff is okay."  Speed showed him one.  "That's going to take a hell of a lot of work and I doubt you can move in with it like that."  He looked at the others, smiling at one.  "I like this one."

"That's way too low of a price," Eric warned.  "That means it's going to need some work."

Xander got into a chat room then logged out and went to call someone.  "It's Xander.  I'm staying," he said happily.  "At the satellite lab.  Yup, down there.  That's what I'm doing.  I need space for a dog or two and the weapons?" he suggested.  He nodded, taking notes.  "Rent or buy is fine, dear."  He nodded at that, finding the last one made his soul hum.  "What's that one like?"  He smiled.  "I can do that."  He hung up, looking at them.   "The local pagan network has a good place to start looking and three other good suggestions and one that kinda sounded flat to me."

"We can look tonight before we go out to dinner," Speed promised.  "Go put on more you clothes, Xander."

He went to do that, coming out in a nicer pair of jeans and a simple tight t-shirt.  He grabbed things and headed out with them.  The first one that Xander thought might be nice was making their hairs stand on end. Literally in Horatio's case.  Xander talked to the landlord, who told him where to go.  He went to that building next and it was a lot nicer.  A bit more grungy but nice.   The next one was run like a hippie commune, all peace and light.  Xander nearly shuddered at that so they moved on without going inside.  The last one was a black building.  Black windows.  Black stone work.  Some gothic arches.  Xander rang the bell for the manager, and they all backed away from the man when he came to the front door of the building.  "Hi, Xander Harris."

"Knight," he said respectfully.  "Are you handling my tenant up on three who's trying to summon a ghost?"

"No, looking for a place to live.   I'm staying at the satellite lab locally."

The guy smirked and nodded.  "We only have one small apartment open but I know of somewhere safe that won't hinge on your reputation."  He called someone from his cellphone.  "I'm sending you a possible tenant.  With the police department, a lab tech.  He's my sort but retired."  Xander nodded at that.  "He's got a good rep as a nice, goofy kid.  His boss and a few coworkers are with him.  Thanks."  He hung up, writing down an address on the piece of paper Xander had.  "Go there."  He walked back inside and closed the door.

Xander shrugged and they went there.  It was ten blocks from the lab.  It was in the middle of a shopping area.  It had a college nearby so it had a lot of fast food and delivery places.  Including Xander's favorite pizza place for lunch and organic mushroom pizza.  The woman was waiting on them.  "Hi, Xander Harris."  She blinked at him then stared in awe.  "You've heard of me?"

"You're ...  Damn!" she said finally, smiling at him.  "I've heard about your artillery collection, sir.  I'm impressed."

Xander beamed.  "I signed on with the local crime lab, with the satellite lab."

"Wow.  So you need what?"

"A place to live and store the guns," Speed told her.

"Oh, hell yeah!  I've got a four bedroom and a five bedroom."  She led them up there, letting them see.  It was a nice building.  It had an elevator.  It was quiet.  Someone had some music on but it was still quiet.  She let Xander into the first one.  "Sorry, I just kicked out a few frat boys."

"That's okay, it happens I guess," Xander said with a smile, looking around.  He liked it, it was okay.  "I don't need a great kitchen except for a fridge.  I can't cook."

"The five bedroom is nicer and it's the top floor.  Rents for fifteen hundred a month, all utilities included."  She took them up there.  "We're mostly college students so you'd be the wiser older one they could come ask questions to about work and the real world if you wouldn't mind."  Xander shrugged at that.  She watched him look around the space.  "So how long have you been in Miami?  You only get a tan like that down here."

"A few months," he admitted with a smile.  "I've been living in a not so great area."

"He's been living on the edge of a project," Eric told her.

She nodded. "Miami has those."  She smiled when he came back to look over the kitchen.  "Why not one of the pretty places downtown?"

"The satellite lab is up the road and I'm going to have a dog," Xander told her.  "It's safer than me dating.  I dated a stripper and she went serial killer."

"Oh, sweetie."  She hugged him.  "What's bothering you about this place?"

"No bathtub.  I like bubbles now and then.  I was raised by girls."

She smiled and nodded, winking at him.  "Come with me."  She led him out and up the road, into another building. "I technically own this one too but I'm selling it."  She let him look through the three apartments.  He cooed at the bigger one, running a hand over all the wood paneling.  "It's a bit out of date for outlets and things.  I never got around to replacing them or the appliances."

"How much is the building?" Horatio asked her.

"I'm asking three hundred thousand even for it."

Xander looked at her.  Then nodded.  "Okay."  He beamed.  "I've got some others who could probably move in here from the lab. I know Ryan was thinking about moving."  He looked at Horatio, who nodded.  "It'd be a good investment, right?"

"It would be," he agreed.  "Do you have that much?"

"Um, yeah, once I get the stuff from Wes's family," he admitted.  "They translated it from British money and it was closer to six large without the estate."

Speed gaped.  "Excuse me?"

"Wes's father was a heritage titled knight," he told him.  "Wes was the only child and he died without a will.  It went to Wes and Wes's will left it to me.  Though his motorcycle went to Gunn."

"Wow," Eric said.  "What's in your bedroom?"

"Actually, if you can go get that I can put a good down payment on it tonight."  Eric nodded, heading to go get it.  He smiled.  "Take cash?"

"Sure.  You have that much cash?"

"I've been kidnaped a few times, and people like to kinda tip me in the club," he said sheepishly.  He shrugged a bit, giving her a kicked puppy look.  "I don't know why but I made three grand last night."

"Wow."  She gave him a hug.  "We can start the paperwork tonight.  When will you have the rest?"

"Within the week.  They're moving it to my bank down here."  He called his bank's customer service people.  "Hi, I need to know what my account balance is.  Not off the top of my head.  I know the last four."  He smiled.  "Xander Harris.  Alexander technically."  He listened.  "12228 is my passcode."  He nodded at the balances.  "What got put in?"  He looked at Horatio.  "You took the stuff in the baggies to the bank?"

"I did," he agreed.  "I don't want it in my desk, Xander.  It's dangerous.  Anyone could've taken it."

Xander looked at her.  "I can pay you the rest by the end of the month then.  Thank you, ma'am.  Anything noted on the new accounts?"  She went to look and told him that.  "Thank you."  He hung up.  "They're in the process of setting them up and the trust.  So by the end of the month?"

"That's fine, dear.  I can do that."  Eric came back, handing her a briefcase.  "Classy."

"Wes.  My former friend."

She looked inside, settling in the kitchen to make note of it.  She nodded, calling her real estate agent.  "I'm selling the old building to someone.  He's with the crime lab.  He's put down a hefty down payment with me and he'll have the rest by the end of the month.  An inheritance.  No, he's moving into one and he'll be offering another one to someone else."   He nodded and smiled at that.  "That'll work.  I'll have the paperwork to you with the last payment, Xander?"

"That's fine.  Can we draw up preliminary?"

"Sure."  She heard her realtor say that.  "Fax it to me at home.  Yup."  She hung up.  "Come back to my place and we'll do that."  She walked them back up there, taking the fax to let them both read and sign it.  Then they went out talking about what to have for dinner to celebrate.  It was a nice thing and she owed her friend a snack.  She sent one of her college girls to him.  He'd appreciate that.

***

Xander smiled at Ryan when he walked in the next morning.  "You're early."

"I know.  I came to see what Speed needed me to bring.  Plus to scope out real estate on the drive back."

Xander smirked.  "I'm buying a building by the college.  It's got a spare three bedroom apartment.  It needs some updating.  I'm a cheap landlord.  You mow the grass, pay me a little bit, and we'll split the utilities?"

"I'd have to see it.  Eric said you were getting a nice place."

Speed leaned out of trace.  "Very nice.  Lots of wood.  The spare's a three bedroom.  Two smaller and one nice bedroom.  Older outlets.  Nice kitchen.  There's another apartment in the building for storage or for later interns if you have to and want to.  He'll be the landlord.  It's seven blocks from here."

"Cheap rent," Xander teased.  "Say, eight hundred a month?"

Ryan nodded.  "I can do that."  He smiled.  "Let me see it when you sign papers."

"As soon as I get the other stuff from Wes."

"Why don't you use what we rescued you with last night?" Speed complained.

"Because it's wrong to prey on their delusions.  That's why I don't cash those checks, Speed."

Tyler strolled in.  "My new family," he said proudly.  "Hey, Wolfe."

"Tyler.  You're being switched down here?"

He nodded. "Yup, effective today.  Where's my ancient machines?"  Speed pointed.  "Locker room?"  Xander pointed.  "That'll work."

"I'm on your other side and one wall is against the end of my firing pen," Xander warned.

"That's fine, Xander."  He went to look and whimpered.  "He wasn't joking.  It's ancient!  We got rid of this stuff in the main lab eight years ago!" he complained.

"Yeah, it came here from there," Speed agreed.  "Remember, getting an update.  Soon.  All you have to do right now is the traffic cams."

"Uh-huh."  He settled in to do that.  Then he switched monitors for a less grainy one.  That way he could get to work in a good, timely manner.  He even clocked in when it was time.  "Why do I smell wax?"

"Because I buffed it two days ago," Xander called.  "We don't have a janitor."

"Yay us," Tyler said dryly.

"That's okay, we've got the time to clean our own labs," Speed assured him, nodding at Trace.  "You need everything, Wolfe."

"What am I bringing my first day?"

"Your stuff.  The mass spec will be back then."  That got a nod and Ryan left, going to make his lists back at the main lab.  He looked at Xander.  "Need help moving?"

"I can't hire someone to move the artillery."

"No, dumbass, that's what friends are for," Speed said dryly.  "Plus you could probably buy all new furniture."

"I like my bed.  Not the frame but I like the mattresses.  The couch's lumps are all nicely worked to where I can sleep on it too."

"We'll figure that out when you get the final papers and the keys," Speed told him, going back to work.  "We have nothing.  You?"

"Nope," Xander said grimly, going to read in his lab while he sharpened a sword.  Tyler came in a few minutes later, giving him an odd look.  "Sorry, I like to do things while I read."

"Take up knitting."

"Sorry."  He put it aside.

"Let him close the door," Speed called.  "You get used to the sound, Tyler."

"If you say so."  He went back to his lab, printing off and forwarding a copy of what needed to be done.  Then he got to work taking an inventory and making his update list.  Helen would not be happy with him.  He did turn on the Price is Right for some noise while he worked but that was fine and Xander came over to help him lift things out of the way.  The lab was stuffed with spare monitors and machines.  "Can we get a computer tech down here to look at the extra systems?" he called.

"Sure," Speed called back, making the call for him.  One of the geeks from computer services came in at one to look over things.  Speed smiled at him.  "The boys are out at lunch."  He walked him over there.  "Gerald was hoarding old stuff.  Tyler wanted to know what was on them and what we're doing with them."

"Sure."  He sat down with a spare monitor to plug in the first system to get to work.  He blinked.  "It's all...  Porn," he said in awe.  "Wow."  He opened another file.  All the pictures were porn.  All the files were stories.  Xander and Tyler came back.  "Guys, this one's got eight gigs of porn."

"Wow," Xander said.  "Worse than my small collection."

"Mine too," Tyler said.  "The others?"

"I only just got here, guys.  Let me transfer this over and burn it down."  He got the spare terminal from Tyler and got to work on that.  This one only had a floppy drive but it had a spare USB port so he could plug them in for the transfer.  Once it was clean he carried it outside, coming back with some spare burnable DVD's.  The next one was the same way.  By the end of the day he had seven hundred gigs of porn to take back to the office and a lot of old, spare equipment they could use for parts.  "Boss, I found the porn link and stealer," he called.  "I need help carrying too."  A few of the other guys groaned but came to help.  "Gerald, down in the satellite lab, had a bunch of old systems in there shoved in the corners.  It was *full* of porn!  Seven hundred gigs of porn!" he told his boss, walking out with him to grab some of the ancient equipment Tyler had told him he was not going to have in his lab.  "When they fired him they moved Caine's first AV tech, Tyler, down there.  Speed called for him.  I logged in and it's all porn.  Most of the systems are full."  He hefted in a desktop system.  He came back out.  "By the way, I let the guys have copies of what I found so they could see if anything was their sort of porn.  I didn't figure you'd mind but I did warn them not to use the work systems."

"Thanks for that," his boss said, shaking his head.  "I wondered why AV was requisitioning this old crap."  He carried in more.  "You wiped them?"

"Yeah but I saved everything down on DVD for us to find who downloaded it originally, boss.  Tyler apparently doesn't have a whole lot to do down there."

"That's probably why he had seven hundred gigs of porn," he said dryly.

***

Xander smiled, letting Ryan into the other apartment.  "I spent this weekend updating the outlets and making sure the wiring was all right for you.  It's not hazardous.  It was replaced about five years ago but they didn't do a socket upgrade."

Ryan looked around, smiling at the cozy feeling rooms.  "This is nice."

"It is, that's why I bought the building," Xander said happily.  "I've already moved most of the artillery upstairs.   Oh, Tyler found Gerald's porn stash."  Ryan laughed.  "Seven hundred gigs on all those old systems he had in the corners and things."  Ryan gaped.  "So I printed it out and bound most of them.  It's something to do on a boring night if you wanted to borrow them.  I probably won't use them but it's nice when you're lonely."

Ryan nodded.  "I'll remember that.  Your dog?"

"Going on my next Saturday off."  He showed Ryan the fridge.  "We can upgrade that.  I'm getting a new one with more storage area for mine since all I do is order and microwave."

"I can cook and we'll work that out, Xander.  I heard about your menu collection having a name."

"Well, it does remind me of my mother.  Not like she could cook either."  He showed him around his.  "This is mine.  Eric swears up and down he's going to help me move."  That got a laugh and a nod.  "So I can help you if you need it."

"Don't worry about mine.  I can hire the real people since I won't have anything they'd object to."  He saw the bookcase of slimline folders and shook his head.  "That's just strange."

"Yeah, he had some strange tastes too.  Some alien stuff.  Some barely legal stuff.  Some woman and unicorn stuff."  He shrugged.  "I got rid of anything where someone was underage and the nasty stuff."  He showed him the storage area.  "We can share this one I figure."

"It's a good space.  Maybe sometime we'll let an intern have it cheaply."

"I got told I'd have interns within five years," Xander said proudly.

Ryan gave him a hug.  "It'll work out fine, Xander.  Need first and last?"

"Nah.  I trust you.  Pay me monthly, Ryan.  If you damage it, you fix it."

"Thanks."  He paid him and took the spare keys.  "Front door?"

"Yup.  That door locks, then your door."  That got a nod.  "Make sure they work.  I changed the locks last night."  He did that, nodding and putting them into his pocket.   "We should celebrate."

Ryan smiled.  "We'll celebrate when we're all moved in.  Let me get stuff to clean.  Need wood polishing stuff?  I've got some."

"I've got stuff.  Don't worry about it."  Ryan nodded, going to get some cleaning products and come back to clean his place.  Xander went to deposit the check and figuring out what he'd need to buy for the new place.  Then he went to rent a truck.  He found Speed and Eric waiting on him.  "We're going to really help me move?"

"Unlike the girls, we do things like that," Eric told him.  "Did Wolfe like the other place?"

"Yup.  He got the keys today.  He's cleaning happily."  He helped haul down his bed and the trunks under it.  He didn't have that much stuff.  It only took them three hours to move everything.  He took down the fake wall, letting them heft down the last few pieces of artillery too.  The landlord came back up.  "I'm leaving the bed frame, the couch, and the old recliner."

"That'll work," he agreed.  He walked him around it.  "It's still cleaner than when he rented it."  He handed him back the rest of his rent and deposit.  "You know, I'm selling this one."

"I'll keep that in mind," Xander said happily.  He handed over the keys and did one last turn around, making sure they hadn't left anything.  Then he headed over to the new place and got to work unloading things.  They were done by dinner time so he yelled over to Ryan.  "We're ordering.  Want to join us?"

"Sure," he called back, coming over once he had his rubber gloves and mask off.  "The bathroom needed some serious bleaching.  Yours?"

Xander shrugged.  "I use the industrial stuff, Ryan.  It ate the grout for me.  I've replaced it already but it ate the grout."

"I might need to borrow that."  Xander got him the bucket of things he cleaned with, letting him drag them to his apartment then come back.  "What're we getting?"  He looked around.  "No couch?"

"He left it," Speed told him.  "H is taking him couch looking in a few hours."  He smirked.  "Plus fridge looking and microwave looking."  Xander nodded.  "You can go too."

"I do need that and a new stove.  Speaking of, the stove doesn't work, Xander."

"We can replace that too," he promised.  "Pizza, Chinese, Russian, Greek?  Sandwiches?  Pick something, guys.  Mom's on the counter."  Eric and Speed looked through it but Speed called Alexx, who came over with Calleigh and food for them.   They sat around on the floor until Horatio got there to join them and then he and Ryan got taken furniture shopping.  Xander came out with a lot of nice stuff that would be delivered in the morning before he went to work. And his new laptop they stopped to pick up.  They settled back in, talking to each other.

Alexx looked around the living room.  "This is really a nice building, Xander.  How much did you pay for it?"

"Three hundred thousand," he said happily.  "The old owner rents to college students up the street."

"She had 'pity cuddle the Xander feelings'," Eric told her with a grin.

Speed pinched him.  "She heard about him and wanted him to have a good place for his guns," he countered.

"Why would she have pity cuddle feelings?" Alexx asked.

"For the same reason he gets stolen from the clubs," Eric told her.

"I still don't believe that," she said dryly.

Xander grinned.  "We can take you out with us some night, Alexx."

"No endangering her, she's like my mother," Speed said, swatting at him.  "Calleigh, get him for me, he's out of range."

She swatted him.  "There, because you deserve it.  The last time I went with you I came home with new earrings in places that good girls don't talk about."

Alexx gave her a look.  "What?"

She blushed and shrugged.  "His psycho posse, Alexx."

"That's why we're taking him to the pound next weekend," Speed assured her.  "Wolfe, remember, you're to call us if he starts to date."

"Yes, Speed," he said dryly, shaking his head as he laughed.  "It can't be that bad."

Horatio looked at him and nodded.  "Yes it can.  We three went with him and had to save him from two sets of twins who were fighting over kidnaping rights, Mr. Wolfe."

"They were cute," Calleigh said.

"See, now, my last last one, when I went to fix things, hasn't done anything," Xander told them.  They all gave him horrified looks.  "I had to hide and I ran into one of Tanya's former coworkers.  We had a lot of fun.  Plus she hid the evidence for Don."

"I'll make sure she hasn't done anything like take the FBI hostage," Eric said, shaking his head lightly.  "We could go out tonight."

"I'm not the sort to go out and do some wild clubbing," Alexx told him.

"You can be the mom with me," Calleigh offered.  "Someone's got to watch Xander's back."

She smiled.  "Let me call the husband.  He was having one of those 'leave me alone' nights anyway."  She called him.  "Baby, it's Alexx.  I'm with them.  They're suggested we go out to help Xander celebrate moving his first owned place.  Up to you."  She smiled and nodded.  "That's fine."  She hung up.  "He'll call a sitter and meet us wherever."

"I call the dance club," Speed said.  "That was a nice, low key place," he said at Eric's look.  "Calleigh and Wolfe will feel comfortable there and Alexx can seduce her husband shaking it to the higher class music."

"Less chance of weapons coming in too," Calleigh pointed out.

"I don't care either way but I need to shower and change," Ryan told them.  That got a nod and they went to do that, meeting up at the place they had last rescued Xander from.

***

Frank looked at his watch then around the crime scene.  "Where is everyone?"  He called Horatio's phone again.  "Where are you?" he demanded.  He listened to the female voice.  "Excuse me?  I know he's not dating you."  She sneered something and he snorted, snapping his fingers at the patrol officer there.  He wrote down a message, getting a horrified look and him running to report that.  "Listen, lady, I need Horatio here to do his job.  Yes, the redheaded one.  I need him on this crime scene before the body walks off.  Now, you think you might let him go sometime soon?"  She sneered something else.  "What do you want in return?  No, the boy's not a toy.  No, Wolfe is not.  Neither's Delko.  That one?" he snorted, holding his head.  "No, you can't have Harris either."  Someone pulled up with a squeal of brakes and jumped out.  "I'll let you talk to someone who can talk to you about how bad they all are for you.  Well, Harris has a serial killer ex," he offered.  "Horatio's had a few.  Delko's dated a good few women, including one who was going around hurting others.  You sure you want them?  You know what?  Let Alexx and her husband go.  Let Calleigh and Speed go.  Then we'll work on the others.  I can be reached here.  That's fine as long as they're okay."  She hung up on him and he looked at Stetler, who was passing that on.  He finally got a nod.  "They out?"

"SWAT was already rolling while the trace started.  They're staring at the building and got them as they came out.  Woods and her husband.  Duquesne and Delko.  What did they do?"

"I have the feeling Harris was involved," he said grimly.  "She mentioned him."  Stetler groaned, calling over there.  He finally laughed and hung up.  "What's so funny?"

"They went out to celebrate Harris buying and moving into his first owned place.  Calleigh looks stunned and she needs medical to get rid of a few things that were pierced onto her.   Woods was muttering over and over how she hadn't believed the boys."

"Let Hagen steal him back."

"Hagen's there too.  He's negotiating."  He looked at the scene then at him.  "I'll get Helen."

"Sure.  Thanks."  He went back to taking notes on what he could see.  Helen and the other ME got there fairly quickly.  "They told you about Harris' clubbing problem, right?" he asked finally.

Helen smiled and nodded.  "Yup.  That's how he bought the small apartment building and is letting Wolfe live there cheaply."  She got back to work.  "We have a stabbing.  No bullet in the tract," she announced.  He nodded, making notes on that.  She looked at Stetler.  "Got an update?"

"They let Speedle go so he could get his shoulder checked out.  He was complaining of pain from the recent gunshot wound.  No word if it's a ruse."  He listened, walking back to his car to call his boss over the radio.  "I want to debrief them."  He hung up, going back to his listening.  She was demanding sex from Harris in return for letting them all go?  "Take one for the team, brat," he muttered.  He heard Hagen agree to it.  Then Horatio and Wolfe got free.  SWAT poised to go in and Xander came out ten minutes later, handing her over.  She was crying and begging him to do it again.  He put his head on the steering wheel.  "Why me?"  He looked out at the others.  "They're all free.  She's in custody.  She still wants Harris."  He started the car, heading to the hospital.  He stormed in and Speed turned his water pistol on him.

"Bad IAB.  Bad!  Go away!  Not right now!"  Stetler shrieked and danced back away from the holy water that was burning him.  "We don't need this right now.  We've got to get Xander to quit pouting at the nurses.  Go away for another hour."  He walked back into the room, sending the nurses out pouting.  "You can't come back either.  Get a different one."  He glared at Xander, who shrugged.  "You can go back to clean your guns once you're checked out.  Quit pouting before you make them take you."

"I'm sorry but I'm feeling pitiful."

"I can tell."  He gave him a hug and let Horatio have him when he came in with the doctor.  He handed over the squirt gun with a smile.  "Here.  He didn't like being wet."  They finally got Xander free, taking him off to debrief them.  They had no idea what he had done to her but she was still begging for more through the drugs.

***

Horatio smiled as Ryan pulled in to where he and his boys were waiting on him, waving him over when he got out.  "We should talk about you watching over Xander."

"I got the point why I need to," he promised.  "Has her husband called to complain again?"  He sat down at the picnic table.

"Twice," Eric sighed.  "The Chief made us talk to him the last time.   He could not believe his wife had done something like that."

"Would not, not could not.  He said she had cheated on him before," Speed corrected.  He looked at him.  "We're all taking him to the pound in a few days.  We'll try to get something that won't annoy you or that you can play with too, but we need you to tell us when he's being bad."

"Either that or we need to find him a good boyfriend," a male voice said as he walked over, taking off his sunglasses.  "I thought LA was bright."

"You are?" Horatio asked.

"Charlie Epps.  Xander came to me when he needed help."  He shook his hand with a smile.  "I can tell you that a good boyfriend would wear out some of it.  A girlfriend might not be able to.  He did tell me that he had been taken while with Tanya the night we talked over beers."  He smiled at Ryan.  "He mentioned all of you and how good of a team you were."

"Yeah but it sucks because I don't know anyone who could date the boy," Ryan complained.  "They're...."  Horatio gave him a look.

Charlie grinned.  "I noticed.  Don't worry about me.  I know a few Feds who're pretending not to be together too, Lieutenant."  He relaxed at that.  "I've studied what we have from Xander, including some of his sweat samples."

"I ran a few too," Speed admitted, handing over the notes he had taken.  "This is what I found."

Charlie compared it to his notes and pointed at something.  "When he's tired this one goes higher.  Isn't that an attractor?"

"It is," Horatio agreed, taking it to look at.  "So, tired is bad?"

"Tired is apparently very bad for him, but I'm sure you know he doesn't really sleep.  Neither of the ones I've met slept very much.  They both had nightmares and his temporary girlfriend while he was back in time to fix that situation said the same thing.  She wasn't sleeping very well because he kept waking up."

"Would therapy help that?" Eric asked Horatio.  "I know you have the same thing."

He shrugged. "For some it does.  For some it doesn't."  He handed Speed the notes.  "Any other suggestions?"

"Give him something to love other than his weapons.  It can only help him."

"He's getting a dog next Saturday."

"That'll help.  I still think a boyfriend would help more.  Someone that can talk Xander down when he's in a bouncy mood.  Someone to take the chocolate from him."  They all groaned.  "It'll be fine but it's something we've got to deal with now and then, guys.  It'll never fully go away unless it's really a curse that was laid on him and then it might be cured by passing it on to someone else."

"Then wouldn't a girlfriend be the natural choice?" Ryan suggested.

"No.  Because he has some very strong reactions to women," Speed told him.  "He shied away from Alexx and Valera both, Ryan."  He looked at him.  "What's the other reason  you came down?"

"I came down to tell him what I had found out about that but he said to come talk to you guys since you're holding a meeting about him."  Horatio shook his head but he was smiling.  "Xander is very good at strategies.  Don found that out.  Don still can't stand his theories on sports but we all came to love the kid after a few day's exposure to him."

"He is like the cuddle virus," Ryan admitted.  "After exposure you want to cuddle him.  Some women must take that to the level of shopping instead of tactile contact."

Speed shrugged. "I have no clue but I'm not really pleased that she made him go shopping with her at gunpoint to buy me new t-shirts and pants."  He looked at Charlie.  "Any other good ideas?"

Charlie shook his head.  "No.  Sweetie Pie was most adamant that he find someone good to love.  That he deserved it.  She wasn't going to kill his friends but she did want to take cooking lessons so she could take care of him.  When he called her to talk about the first letter someone else supposedly sent it made her week and she went on a baking binge.  Since he wasn't there and she knew he had worked with Don, he got seven dozen butterscotch chip cookies delivered by her on her way to work one night.  In costume no less.  The guys teased him horribly for weeks."  They all smiled at that.  "She understands now and she'll find someone like him out there to mother and take care of."

"There's others like Xander?" Eric asked.

"Statistically speaking no one is absolutely unique," Charlie said, standing up again.  "So I'll let you guys do that while I help Xander balance his checkbook.  He's struggling with it because of the seven accounts and the stuff that's in Pounds versus dollars."  He waved and headed off to his car, going to Xander's place again.

"Okay, so we need to find Xander a boyfriend.  What does he like in guys?" Eric asked.  Horatio pointed at Speed behind his back.  "Really?"

Speed swatted Horatio.  "Yes, he likes them slightly sarcastic, like his t-shirts.  They've got to get all the jokes on his t-shirts.  So if you wanna go for guys...."

"Never considered it," Ryan admitted.

"Think about it, it's not that bad," Eric offered.  Horatio swatted him.  He grinned.  "I didn't think about it before you two," he reminded him.

Horatio smiled but it was Speed who quipped, "It's the hair, Eric.  It draws them like magnets."  He looked at him.  "We could decide Xander's a toy."

"He needs and deserves a steady, loving relationship," Horatio reminded him.

"We could..." Speed said, considering it.  "There's a lab techs' convention coming up, H."

Eric grinned.  "Bring him, let him see if anyone strikes him, see if they can get together and then we poach?"

"We could use some new good techs," Speed agreed.  "Because I'm about to kill the one in the main lab and the one on nightshift in non-felony."  He looked at Horatio.  "Would that work for you?"

He smiled.  "If he found love that way I would expect him to come to me about getting his lover transferred down here. Especially once we got the satellite lab up to snuff and handling their own area."  They all smiled at that.  "So let's see what we can do about that."  He called Xander.  "It's...  Yes, it's all of us, Xander.  We were thinking that you might like to go to the lab tech's convention coming up shortly.  Because Speed thinks there's some there that you might like to meet," he said honestly.  "If so and you do find one you want to be in a serious relationship with, I will expect them to allow you to bring them down here.  I know I said poaching was wrong but for the cause of love we'd allow it."  He smiled.  "That would be fine, Xander.  Of course.  It's in three weeks, Eric?"  He nodded.  "Three weeks.  We already have people going so I'll let you go instead of Eric or someone.  I'll check the logs and make sure you can have a bed."  He smiled and nodded.  "That's fine, Xander.  No, enjoy the night with Charlie and we're not setting you up with Ryan.  You're right, he'd take over cleaning your guns on you and you'd hate that."  He smiled as he hung up.  "He cleans his as meditation."

"I clean mine as an OCD ritual," he agreed.  "It'd be the same thing but I'd help and he'd hate that."  He stood up.  "So, we're agreed, finding him a boyfriend?"  They all nodded. "I'll listen around.  Maybe someone locally will do it for him.  Someone in patrol or somewhere."  He shrugged and left, heading back to his car and then his new apartment.  He was still unpacking his clothes and it needed to be done so he could go to bed.

Speed found Horatio's phone and called a number in it.  "Mac, Speed.  No, no big issue.  A bit of matchmaking.  We have a very lonely young tech down here who desperately needs someone to love.  He's going to the lab tech's convention in a few weeks.  We're not sure.  He's had some trouble with women.  A serial killer, a few who were willing to kill him, things like that.  Yeah, Xander."  He smiled at Horatio.  "That's what we're working on.  Who do you have going other than Stella?"  He blinked.  "Danny's nice from what I remember.  Sure.  Let Stella in on it because only Eric's going and we're the first good taste he's shown in lovers ever.  Thanks, man.  He likes them a bit sarcastic.  A bit on the odd and goofy side.  Yeah, likes his t-shirts, likes dogs.  Thanks, man."  He hung up, handing the phone back.  "Stella's going and she is an excellent matchmaker."  He gave them a smug look before standing up and heading for his bike at a stroll.  "Heading home, guys?  Or will it be only me in the tub?"

Eric bounced up and ran for his car.  "Race you home."

Horatio gave them a fond smile, following along in the hummer.   Sometimes Speed was very naughty.

***

Mac pointed out the boy to Stella, making her coo in happiness.  "Remember what you found out from the Miami crew," he said patiently, watching her walk away.

"Xander?" Stella asked.

He gave her a sheepish look.  "Eric said I'd be meeting a Greek Goddess here and he told me I'm here to see if I like anyone."

She put an arm around his shoulders, walking him off.  "Which is why they called me.  I am very good at matchmaking."  She smiled at him.  "Plus we'll be in some of the same lectures since I need to do some ballistics work and I do a lot of trace stuff.  This gives you someone to pal around with."  She winked and he grinned back, nodding.  "Good.  Now, what do you like in guys?"

"See, that's the problem.  Did you hear about my ex-girlfriends?"

"Oh, yeah.  I agree, girls are bad for you.  As long as I don't turn bad too, it'll be okay.  So no lusting after me."  He grinned and nodded at that.  "What do you want?"

"Someone who'll like me?   I've got a dog now, a bigger weimaraner and something mixed dog.  So they've got to like dogs.  They've got to get my sense of humor and not try to change me.  It's too late to change me.  If they really like sports they're probably going to hate me."

"Any sports you do like?"

"Curling."

"Curling?" she asked, giving him a look.

"Yeah, I found it on tv last night and it looked pretty interesting."

"Okay.  Any others?"

"Horse jumping is pretty.  Like slow motion dancing."  She nodded.  "I'm a bit sarcastic now and then.  Some of my t-shirts induce headaches."  He let her see his current one, which was one of those.

"I was trying to ignore that."  She pinched him on the ear.  "We'll see what I can find.  I know a good portion of the ones here this weekend.  Do you mind pretty, older?"

He shrugged. "Likes me, likes my sense of humor or at least can put up with me and it."

"You deserve someone who'd enjoy it."  She smiled at her teammates.  "Let's introduce you to someone.  I work with them.  They're chuckleheads."  He nodded, letting her lead him over.  "Guys.  This is Xander.  He's from Miami's lab.  He's their prize ballistics intern that they signed to their satellite lab."

"We're expanding and they need someone world class," he said with a sheepish smile.  "Hi."

"Hi," the blond guy with glasses said, smiling back.  "I'm Danny, this is Don.  Stella packed him so he could do some of the ballistics lectures with us.  He likes guns."

"I love guns.  I have a personal exemplar," Xander said happily.  "Plus some artillery."

Don gaped at him.  "They let you get away with that?"

"They're my babies with my dog," Xander told him.

Don looked at the kid then smiled at his t-shirt.  "That' s evil."  Danny looked at the shirt then took off his glasses to rub his eyes.  "I know someone who'd like that.  Where'd you get it?"

"A speciality shop in LA.  He used some people's sig lines with some other sayings he found online to make some really neat t-shirts.  Horatio said I could bring the ones he won't let me wear in the lab anymore.  I kinda sorta caused a migraine problem one weekend."

"I can see why," Danny said, walking off shaking his head.  "Let me get something to drink.  Xander?"

"Soda, no ice?"

"Sure.  I can do that."

"So, you like sports?" Don asked.

Xander gave him a hesitant look.  "I was raised by some very odd girly girls.  I like curling. I found it last night.  I like horse jumping.  It's like a ballet in slow motion over each jump."  Don smiled at that.  "I can't stand the normal guy sports.  Most people are warned about me and my views on sports since I think football is like gay sex and cheerleaders look like hos."

Danny spluttered, turning around to cough.  Mac walked him off.  "Ignore him," Don said.  "They can look like hos.  Especially with some of those costumes."  He'd ignore the first part before he burst out laughing and hurt the kid's feelings.

"I've got a few in the porn collection we found from our old AV tech.  He was hoarding old computers and loading them up with porn for his own pleasure. They found seven hundred gigs of it when they fired him for trying to drive me and Speed out of the satellite lab.  He was a bit OCD; apparently I upset his ritual Gods."

Don pulled him away from Stella.  "Come on.  There's some guys you should meet."  He grinned at Stella.  "If you don't mind?"

"No, go ahead.  I'm under orders to introduce him to some nice people this weekend.  They're hoping he finds someone cute to write to."

"She's under orders to help me find a boyfriend," Xander told him, making him laugh as they walked off.  "So, you're not a tech?"

"No, I'm a homicide detective but I kinda like guns.  They're neat and it's always good to learn the new things coming out onto the street."  He grinned at him.  "Are you attending or teaching any of the lectures?"

"I'm attending.  I only graduated my internship a few weeks back."

"So late?"

"I used to work construction before I lost an eye.  So now I'm a ballistics tech with a minor in trace and a minor in field work."

"Wow.  That takes some brains."

"I had tutors for the theory only classes.  I had a Blood who tutored me in Econ.  He was very nice about putting it in language I could get."  Don gave him an odd look. "I'm kinda like that now and then.  I'm not really book smart, I'm a hands-on guy.  That's why I'm putting a back porch on the new house I just got."

"You bought a house?"

Xander beamed. "I bought a small, three apartment, apartment building.  I've got the bigger one.  I'm renting one to another tech who's moving to the satellite lab and then we've got a storage one.  My dog loves it.  He plays all day long in the bare rooms I haven't furnished yet."

Don nodded.  "It sounds like you're settled."

"I like Miami.  Plus I kinda deal in strange stuff," he mumbled, looking down.

Don tipped his face up.  "What was that?  I quit mumbling as a teenager."

"I kinda dealt with strange stuff before and now I'm kinda on the hook for some of Miami's defense against it," he admitted quietly, glancing around.  Don gave him an odd look.  "Sorry, I shouldn't have told you that."

"No, it's okay.  It's good to know who to call when that happens."

"Xander!" some woman squealed, making him flinch and look around.  "Awww, sweetie!"  She gave him a hug.  "How have you been?"

"I've been pretty good, Petunia.  Have you met Detective Don?"

"Flack," he supplied, smiling at her.  "Stella just introduced us."

"You know the pretty one?"

"Yes but I work with her so I admire her for more than her hot ass," he said blandly, cracking her up, earning a swat on the chest.  "You work in Miami?"

"LA.  Xander temped in for us while he was in school.  Such a sweet boy."  She smoothed down his hair.  "There, better, dear.  Now, has someone been cooking for you?"

"Now and then Ryan does.  He lives across the hall.  He's my lab's new field guy.  We're getting ready to move our satellite lab into a full lab for our area so we've got our own field guy and I'm running the ballistics lab down there," he said proudly.

"Well!  That poor Horatio.  Having to poach makes us hate him."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "I'll send you cookies, dear."  He dug out a card, letting her have it with a smile.  "I'll send you some great cookies."  She hurried off to find someone from Miami and warn them off her staff.

Don smiled.  "Do you often get offers of cookies?"

"I'm poisonous in the kitchen.  I once gave food poisoning to nearly a whole floor of FBI agents I was working with because one stole my lunch and let others nibble."  Don gaped then burst out laughing.  "Unfortunately not kidding," he admitted dryly.  He grinned and waved at someone.  "Hi, Griffy."

"Xander."  He smiled at Don.  "He did his field work internship with me.  Where are you heading after Miami?"

"I'm in charge of their satellite lab's ballistics department and Horatio's getting ready to make us do our own work."

He laughed.  "Good to know.  Who came up?"

"Eric and he's not poaching.  We're here to find me other friends.  Oh, Willow showed up."

Griffy growled.  "Is she living?"

"Eric and she had a talk before she warped one of the other techs.  Have you met Detective Flack out of New York?  He works with Stella."

He smiled and shook his hand.  "You're a braver man than I am.  That woman scares me."

"She's good most of the time.  Now and then, she yells," he admitted.  Danny came over.  "This is one of our field techs, Danny Messer.  Danny, this one is a guy Xander did his internship for field work with."

"I know Griffy.  Not too many of us real blonds here," he teased, shaking his hand.  He looked at Xander.  "He's the one you bragged on?"  He smirked and nodded.  "Wow.  Horatio was wise."  He grinned at him.  "We've got a symposium on AV stuff coming up in a few, Xander.  You coming?"

"Sure.  Don?"

"I wouldn't mind."  He let himself be escorted by Xander.  He was a cute kid.  They ended up sitting with some guys from Vegas, one of whom Xander nearly knelt at the feet of.  Then Xander settled in to talk to him again.  He was a nice, sociable guy.

***

Don walked into Mac's office Tuesday morning.  "Did I see Xander taking on something with six arms after the 'using guns as leggos to build bigger guns' lecture?"

Mac nodded.  "Yup.  By the time I got there he had it down and handcuffed in strange ways and needed a sword."  He grinned.  "What did you think of him?"

"He's...  He's a sweet kid.  Kinda strange.  A bit damaged.  But a sweet, nice guy."

"Who's twenty-eight and one of the top techs in his field," Mac told him.  "Especially in ancient weapons and artillery."

"We talked about that Sunday night."  He sat down.  "He was a great kid.  Why were they trying to set him up?"

Mac tossed over a file.  "That's his last long-term girlfriend."

"Elizabeth Huntress, AKA Sweetie Pie."  He read it over, whimpering some.  "She did what?"

"She wanted her Xander back so she went after the people who sent him to Miami," Mac said dryly.  "He had another one who turned serial killer, Don.  He's switching teams sexually and Horatio wanted him introduced to some nice people in the same field.  That way he can poach legitimately."

Don handed it back.  "What did he do to them?"

"All that says is that she wanted his tongue back."

"Huh.  I want lessons in what he does but I'll stop before they go psycho."  Mac tossed over something else, a CD.  "What's this?"

"From Miami.  About him.  Stella adopted him and she asked for a list of things he liked to eat since he is literally poisonous in the kitchen."

"He told me about poisoning a bunch of agents.  Why was an intern working with the FBI?"  Mac handed over a newspaper story.  He read it then looked at him.  "He was helping them bust?"

"He used to work with them when a friend owned it.  When the original owners took it back, things went back to bad and Xander helped them gather the information.  He's a very good tech, Don.  He'll be training the next generation some day or we'll mourn him every year after he saves Miami again."

"He, um, told me about that stuff too."  He handed it back.  "Think he and Danny would get along?  I know he spent all weekend spluttering."

"Did you manage to get a picture?  I didn't."  Don found it on his phone, handing it over so he could laugh at the totally flummoxed, open mouthed shocked look Danny had on his face.  "That's a good one."  He plugged a cord into the phone to download it to his computer.  "Do you really think they're suitable?  You two seemed pretty tight."

"Me and one of the Vegas guys," Don admitted, shifting some.  "It'd mean moving, Mac.  He bought an apartment building.  I'm going to keep in touch with him; I'm sure he could use some new friends.  His old ones were enough to make me want to shoot 'em."

Mac nodded.  "Horatio's said the same thing a few times.  Especially after meeting that one."  He smiled gently.  "If you two do work it out that way, Don, we'll miss you."

"You know, they say someday the whole east coast is going to be one big city," Don teased.  "Besides he's more Danny's type."

"Danny's got other things on his romantic mind," Mac said dryly, staring him down, getting a blush. "When we're all one big city, Horatio can have us both, Don."

Don got up.  "I'll think about it, Mac.  My parents would nag."

"It doesn't mean you can't have grandchildren," Mac reminded him. "Plus it would get you out of your father's shadow.  Miami takes in strays."

"I'll remember that."  He headed back to his desk to write Xander an email at his private address.  His boss caught him and gave him a dirty look.  "A ballistics tech with a speciality in artillery I met, Captain.  A nice kid.  Works out of Miami's secondary lab."

"Not the main one?" he snorted.

He looked at him.  "They've got Duquesne, they don't need Harris there. Besides, they're upgrading their secondary to take over as a regional lab.  They need him there to run those things."  He finished the email, smiling when he reread it.  Then he sent it.  He did like the kid.  He was a nice, good kid.

***

Epilogue:

***

Xander coughed before walking into the meeting area.  "Someone called for a serial killer knowledgeable tech with a speciality in funny cults?"

Mac smiled but Stella got up to hug him.  "Xander!  Where have you been for the last week?  Horatio was trying to find you."

"I was back in LA for a problem.  Don't ask, please.  It was handled and it won't happen again.  The world is once again safe."  He grinned.  "So, what's this serial killer's beef with people?  Also, define funny cult?"  He walked in, sitting between her and Danny.  "Hi, all.  Hi, Don."  He grinned at him.  "For those who I don't know, I'm Xander, I'm a CSI out of Miami-Dade and Horatio sent me since I know a good bit about serial killers and odd cults.  I've known these guys now for almost a year.  What's going on?  All he told me was that Stella needed me before she got taken too."

Mac slid over the file.  "It's an odd fertility cult.  We can't find much on the origins of it."

Xander looked it over then smiled.  "I think I can help with that.  You guys don't have access to some of the same databases I have thanks to some former friends."  He pulled out his laptop, logging in.  "Wi-fi?"  Mac nodded.  He logged in and got to work on the Watcher's database Willow had been setting up.  He found three entries.  "Okay, we have three possibles by description."  He looked at the name.  "That doesn't correspond to any major name."  He looked at each one, doing a name search within those records.  He came up with one.  "Here we are.  Hittite."  He slid it over to Mac.  He looked at Stella.  "From what I saw at first glance, you don't fit.  You're not virginal.  You do kinda look like their Goddess, which might be the reason behind you being in danger, but otherwise you shouldn't be on the lineup."

"Virgins are hard to come by in New York," Danny said dryly.

Xander shook his head.  "Then they're not following the ritual.  That means they're probably using it to cover something up.  They found the ritual and it spoke to something that they were already doing.  It's their excuse basically.  Like asking a kid 'if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you' and the kid saying yes because he's suicidal anyway."

Mac slid it to Don.  "Does that look reasonable to the scenes to you?"

He read it over, nodding.  "Yeah, down to the letter."  He looked at Xander.  "Where did this database come from?"

Xander grinned.  "There's groups of people who have studied the strange, odd, and unusual for generations, Don.  Their newest incarnation made that one.  The old one got blown up about seven  years ago now in London."  Mac gaped.  He smirked.  "I worked with the current head of the Watcher's Council," he agreed.  "Back in Sunnydale."  He looked at Don.  "So if they're using that for their reason then we can backtrack to the points behind the ritual, find why it's their excuse."

"Which would help us with a profile and would keep Stella safer," Danny agreed, nodding.  "Okay, can you do that or do we need a profiler?"

Xander grinned. "I'm an okay profiler.  I had to learn to stop Tanya.  No one believed she could kill anyone, she was too nice and sweet."  He shrugged.  Someone else came in and sat down so he looked at her, smiling a bit.  "Hi, CSI Xander Harris out of Miami-Dade.  Horatio sent me up to help with the cult case. You are?"  He smiled at the other guy.  "And you, I didn't mean to be rude.  My former friends would try to kill me again for it."

"I'm Lindsay and this is Sheldon," she said, shaking his hand.  "Are you a field tech?'

"Ballistics with a minor in trace and field work," he admitted with a goofy grin.  "I'm a decent profiler because of an ex-girlfriend."  He looked at Mac.  "So we know how and the ultimate reasons they're using.  Is there anything in that ritual that we can find singly to spot them?  I know some rituals have special components and some are really expensive and hard to find or make.  What have they been using?  I need body purification and procurement, how they're preparing it after it's purified, what they're using as a weapon.  Hopefully I can narrow down something to give you an idea of where they're getting something specific so we have a lead or six."

Mac nodded.  "Let me get that for you, Xander.  Where are you staying?"

"Some flea bag place.  Horatio said it can't cost over a hundred a night or they won't pay for it at all."

"You can have my spare room," Don offered with a grin.  Xander beamed back.  "How unique would some of that stuff be?  I remember you said you were working on a potion for someone."

"I was and it came out okay.  I needed it in LA when I went.  I had to ship it but it went well enough."  He shifted a bit in his chair.  "Some things are common.  Like if they're washing them it could be purified water, holy water, or regular water.  Some things are in a lot of traditions, like some of the purification herbs.  There's still a good size pagan community up here and even with that there's only going to be so many getting those sort of herbs.  You don't do a purification every day or even every ritual or every sabbat.   The thing that'll narrow it down is the combination.  Like the Native Americans use certain purification herbs that the Wiccans do and the Druids do, but the Druids have a specific style of using it and how it's wrapped and/or bound.  The Native Americans smudge a different way and they use other herbs in the same context and at the same time usually.  So we can weed it down by the connections that come together.  I know there's about eight *good* herb shops in the city.  There's a ton of others and poser shops, not to mention Chinatown's herb shops for their needs.  What'll get us the clues we need is the combinations that they're using.  Plus probably the weapon.  It's got to be unique.  Back then they were stone, sometimes bronze, sometimes now and then silver.  Fairly rare.  Unless they're *highly* rich they're not using an authentic one but that doesn't mean that they couldn't have one built or crafted, or done it themselves."

"Which would point to other places to look," Stella agreed.  "We know it's a granite blade.  Some of it flecked off in one wound."  She let him see the pictures.

"Double sided, flat blade.  Not that hard."  He sketched it out then put his own dagger next to it.  "Okay.  Modern daggers have a slope.  This one clearly doesn't.  It's a slit.  Which means it's pretty crude.  Granite is tricky to work with but, speaking as someone who did construction, it's damn hard to find somewhere you can get granite to carve.  Unless they went to a countertop place?"

"We can check artist supply places for those who do statues," Mac said, nodding.  "I had checked the countertop suppliers.  They identified it as Italian Granite?"

"'Spensive," Xander said with a nod.  "Closer to their area too.  Probably trying to make it look as realistic as possible.  Hittites were in the Greek/Macedonia/Middle East area.  Don't ask me which one right off the top of my head, I'd need a map.  So unless they could find granite from that area, Italian would be the next best fit.  Or Egyptian."

"So they're trying very hard to stick to the ritual," Danny said.

"It's like it gave them a reason to feel and think the way they do.  Like if you're a person who likes shoes and you find a group of friends who like shoes, you don't mind as much when you buy the three grand pair of shoes that leaves your family without rent money."

Danny nodded. "Seen a few of those.  Dated one."

"Don't get me started on the one I nearly married," Xander said dryly.  "I bought and paid for everything even though she did work.  Down to her birth control."  That got a shudder from Don.  "Sorry, I left her at the altar and she died a few years later.  It's down to where I have tolerable memories instead of painful ones of her."

"I've been there," Mac admitted.  "That gives us some leads.  Can you get us a list of herb shops?"

"Yup, but going in there without someone who has a clue will get you turned around or ignored.  They will talk to me.  I'm one of their people."

That got a nod.  "Then I'll let you work with Don and Danny on that angle.  Let me get you what we have on what we do know of the body ritual and the chemicals we've found."  He got up.  "Come back together after dinner, people.  Let's get back to work."  They left, leaving Don and Xander alone.

"You look tanned," Don told him.

Xander gave him a sheepish grin.  "We had to take something on during the day on the beach and I ended up shirtless.  It's because I was sunburned."

Don laughed, nodding.  "I've been sunburned from chasing guys before.  How's your lab?"

"We're mid-update, that's why I have the time to come up right now.  Not that we don't have one taking on childless couples because his God demanded that everyone be fruitful and multiply, but Horatio has that one well in hand."  Don nodded, still smiling.  "You sure?  I can stay at a motel."

"Nah, I've got the room.  This way you eat real food for a few days.  It'll do you good.  You've lost weight."

Xander looked down then at him.  "My clubbing problem came back.  One of them had me for a week and refused to feed me things I wasn't allergic too.  I ended up puking for days and days, even when I got free and was in the hospital.  Oh, Don Epps and his people said hi."

"That's cool.  You worked with them?"

"Yeah.  It was a people and weapons importer smuggling things in.  We took it when they landed.  Then we had to go after the things in charge.  Don did the mundane and I did the other stuff.  He hates the other stuff and Charlie's math got a bit knotted at some of it.  I had to put him on with Willow one night to help him figure out where it went funny."

"I guess that helps."  He patted his hand.  "No chocolate but have a soda.  You could use the calories.  I'll be back in a few."  He got up, heading to his desk.

Xander got a soda from the machine and sat down to make the lists Mac would need.  He did write an email to one of them to warn them he was in town.  They had weapons and he wanted to look and probably buy.  He had been saving up to buy a new baby.  His babies need more friends and the department wouldn't buy him more.  He wrote Horatio a status email and made sure his dog was all right since Speed was watching it for him.  He got back an automated message saying their servers were down so he called.  "Hey, boss. I'm in New York and helped Mac some.  Waiting to see what sort of funky herby things are going on.  How's my dog?"  He smiled.  "He sleeps with me, Horatio.  I'm sorry he shoved that one out of bed."  He laughed at the next comment.  "I tried to write an email but the servers were down?"  He nodded.  "That's fine.  How's my lab?"  He listened.  "That'll work.  No, I'm staying on Don Flack's couch.  He said so.  He also agreed with Alexx; I'm still too thin.  Nope, handled, it's done with and the ways they were doing it were closed off.  Charlie got to learn how they were operating so he can predict and figure it out next time.  Willow had to give him some information to help him with that but they got along pretty well.  Even if he did growl at her while he typed."  He sipped his soda, leaning back.

"Well, I'm going to visit the gear shop up here....."  He laughed.  "I'll take that under advisement, boss.  Yup.  I'm helping and I'll be back as soon as I can.  When will our lab be done?"  He smiled.  "Hopefully we'll have them by then.  How's the other guy?"  He listened, then slowly nodded. "Horatio, he's biblically based.  Use it to reason with him.  You need a biblical person.  Someone who can quote it without preaching.  Yeah, that stuff.  If God's calling him to give him targets to take out for profaning his laws?  Well, hand him his cellphone and have him prove it.  If there's a caller, then you can figure that out.  He would need different treatment if he's talking to God or if he's doing it for shits and giggles."  He smiled.  "Sure.  I'm up here if you need me.  Hittite actually.  Fertility cult.  Probably started around a millennium turnover.  They're like that and crop up around those points.  Sure, I'll be available.  Roaming and all, boss.  Love you too."  He hung up and got back to work on the lists.  He felt someone staring and looked back, waving at the confused looking guy.  "I'm up from Miami-Dade to help Mac and them."

He looked at him.  "I've never seen you at the conventions."

Xander grinned.  "I'm at a good many of them.  I met Stella at one.  She's still trying to fix me up with someone nice who can cook."

"You're Xander!" he said, suddenly getting it.  "CHAD!"  He came out of his lab.  "Harris is here from Miami-Dade, man!"  Chad ran in to talk to him and shake his hand, making him smile.  He walked in too.  "I'm Adam.  I'm a Trace guy."

"That's my first minor," Xander said happily, shaking his hand too.  He beamed at Chad.  "I'm going to the strange stuff fighters' gear shop while I'm up here. Wanna go?  I haven't had anyone to talk about guns with in forever.  Calleigh gives me fond looks and sniffles when I talk about my babies and exemplar."

"Sure," he agreed.  Mac walked in.  "Mac, you should've warned me we were getting a God in the field."  He gave Xander a hug, getting one back, then he left.  Adam waved.

"It was great meeting you guys and since I'm up on the ritual homicide case we'll see each other.  Maybe even get to work together."  Adam beamed and nodded, going back to work.

"I think you made their month," Mac said.  He took the list Xander printed out on the printer in there.  "That'll help now and in the future.  Can you set them up to talk to some of us?"

"Sure.  Who?  Stella, Danny?  Hawkes?  No offense but they don't really like uptight. You'd scare them and Lindsay would scoff.  We don't like that."

"I can understand that.  I'll let you take Sheldon so you can introduce him."  He patted him on the back.  "How's Horatio's case?"

"God's calling him on his cellphone to give him unworthy targets who snub his mandate of 'be fruitful and multiply'.  I told him to have him call him and prove it.  We'd have to treat him differently if he's talking to God for real or if he's just saying he is."

"That's a good way to figure that out," Mac admitted.  "It'd also keep him talking to you."  He smiled, walking out, going to email Horatio.  He got the same auto message.   He'd send it again later.  Their own servers went down all too often.

***

Xander walked into a store.  "Really, seven hundred gigs.  And of course I'm a CSI so I'm curious, so I printed it out for later use or research.  Gotta keep in practice when you're single," he told Sheldon, who laughed.  Don just rolled his eyes, he knew he did.  He looked at the saleswomen, smiling at them, pulling his ID card from Miami-Dade.  She went pale.  "Hittite rituals?"

She swallowed.  "We don't let them here.  We only serve those who have positive purposes, Knight."

He grinned.  "Good to know," he agreed happily.  "Who on the list would be selling these?"  He handed over the list.

She looked then at him.  "Kendra."  He stiffened at that name.  "Not the one you fought with.  No one was that stupid, Knight."

"Thank you."  He kissed her on the cheek, then the other cheek, holding her hands.  "Many blessings on your child."  She gave him a horrified look, holding her stomach.  He winked.  "By the way, this is Sheldon Hawkes.  He's a Doctor and he works with the local crime lab.  Out of Taylor's team.  So if you get something, give it to him?  He's an okay guy who likes to learn new things.  He won't sneer unless they deserve it."

She nodded, shaking his hand and kissing him on both cheeks.  "Welcome to our people, Sheldon.  Come back when your soul's not so burdened with this case and we'll speak.  I'll give you the materials you need to understand and introduce you around."

"I'd appreciate that.  I don't know much about alternative lifestyles or religions, or even the older ones."

She smiled. "Nice save."  She patted him on the cheek.  "You'll do fine, dear.  Come back when the case is over with and we'll have a tea party to introduce you around."

"I'll do that."  He handed over his card.  "If you need us before then."

"Thank you."  She smiled at Xander.  "Her store is the one on the second page of your list."  He looked and she pointed.  "Hers.  She sells to anyone and I know she had to order some of that from us."  He nodded, squeezing her hands again before leaving.  She watched them walk.  "The Goddess gives me some fine visions."  She stroked her stomach.  "And a pain in the back soon."  She sighed, calling her doctor.  "I need to come in and be seen please?  I think I'm pregnant.  Someone told me I was.  Yeah, he'd know.  Thank you."  She wrote down the day and time, spreading around the news of who was searching and what was going on.

After a longish drive, it would've been shorter without traffic, they finally got to the other store, Xander leading the way inside.  The woman in there sneered.  "Lock it down," he sneered back, glaring at her.  A few others hissed at him and he glared at him.  "I am Xander Harris.  I am the Last Knight of Sunnydale.  I got called up on a ritual homicide and I hear you know the people."

She blinked.  "Excuse me?  Sunnydale fell...."  He pulled out his glass eye, making her shudder and look away.  "You're her knight."  He put it back, nodding a bit when she turned back around.  "What's going on?"

Sheldon smiled.  "Sorry, traffic got to him.  We know the person is using these herbs.  The first shop we visited said you had ordered some of them through her?"

She looked then went pale.  "Montgomery."  She winced.  Then she sighed.  "I know of two guys who've ordered all this and more."

"Either one with a flat bladed granite dagger?" Don asked. "Italian black and white granite?"

She nodded.  "They're probably working together."  She pulled out her receipts, finding them both.  "Here, Detective."

Xander smiled. "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Need something for your nerves?"

"Um....  Not quite the problem.  I need caffeine."  He grinned.  "I'm like that.  Oh, this is Sheldon.  He works with the Manhattan Felony crime lab.  He's going to be the guy Mac sends in because he loves to learn about things and he has no idea what you guys believe so he's a good neutral palate to build up and teach when he has to come to you guys for herbs."

"Where are you stationed?" one of the hissers asked.

He smirked.  "Miami."

She shuddered.  "We've heard there was one down there who was protecting them."  Xander wiggled his fingers and grinned.  "Fair deal.  Welcome, Sheldon.  We'll talk when this terrible case is over with.  I hope you can arrest both of them."

"I hope so too.  One of them seems to want my coworker."

"The curly haired one who looks like the daughter of Apollo?" the shopkeeper asked.

"Stella," Don said, nodding a bit, looking at the receipts.  "This one doesn't have a name.  Do you know it?"  She wrote it down for him.  "Thank you, miss."

"Ma'am."  She touched her bracelet.  "For some, rings are outdated and a sign of possession."

"Sorry.  Ma'am."

Xander kissed her on each cheek.  "Thank you for your help.  I won't bother you but let Sheldon help and know when you need him.  He'll call me if he needs me."  She nodded, exchanging cards with him.  "Thank you."  He walked out with them.  Then he came back.  "Which one carved the dagger?"

"Montgomery," she sighed, frowning.  "He got a chunk off an artist trying to be Michelangelo."

"Thank you."  He left, heading out to the car.  "I'll introduce you to the town's overlord before I go, Sheldon.  He'll make sure they come to you too."  That got a nod and a grunt.  He looked back.  "You okay?"

"She was kinda scary."

Xander grinned.  "The first one was into chaos magic.  That's scarier and more dangerous.  She's a Druid."

"Wow.  Then I've definitely got some questions to ask her."  He buckled up and they went back to the station to research those two people.  Only one was in any system.  He had a former cabbie's license.  It did give them a place to start however.  Which was what they needed.  Plus Sheldon got to tell Mac about what he had seen and learned so far.  There were some strange people in New York City.  He hadn't learned that before at all.

***

Later that night, Xander came out to get some water, running into Don coming back from the bathroom.  "Sorry."

Don smiled.  "Why are you up?"

"Reading."

"Go to sleep, Xander."

"I can't sleep tonight.  It's one of those nights.  I'll sleep in a few days."

Don took the water, putting the glass back and walked him back to his bed, tucking him in and sitting next to him.  "There, now sleep."  Xander gave him an odd look.  "It helps when I've got nightmares after bad cases and scenes."  Xander hesitantly snuggled in.  "I like to cuddle.  It's okay."

Xander gave him a sheepish grin.  "I know you're straight."

"You need the cuddle.  Come on."  Xander tucked him in with him and snuggled up on his chest, falling asleep a few minutes after he got comfortable.  Don stroked his hair, smiling at the younger guy.  He looked so young when he was asleep.   Even if he had seen him staking a vampire earlier when taking Sheldon to meet the overlord had turned into an attack by a former classmate.  He was scary but sweet.  Don wanted to cuddle him and make him better all at once.  Unfortunately Xander didn't need someone like him.  Xander needed someone smart like Danny.  Or like Stella was.  He could see him and Stella together.  He fell asleep comforted, not having any of his own nightmares that night.

***

Don looked at Mac the next day on their newest crime scene.  Xander was with them and finding things the guys had missed before, considering it part of the usual trash you find on the city's streets and sidewalks.   "He's not too bad."

"I'd poach him from Horatio but Horatio swore vengeance Xander style if I tried," he said quietly.  Don gave him an odd look.  "It's clear you finally got a good night's sleep.  First time since this case started," he said quietly.

Don shrugged.  "He had nightmares so I sat next to him for a while.  Ended up falling asleep."  Mac gave him a look.  "He needs someone smarter."

"He needs someone who loves him," Mac countered.  "Smart is fine, and you are very bright, Don."  He looked around.  "He needs someone who can keep up with him.  Where did Xander go?" he called.

"I'm not Waldo," Xander called, coming back from the truck.  "I needed a few more bags."  He got back to work.  "I think we scared them.  They didn't clean the body as well.  Just hosed her off this time."  He looked up.  "Have we not found any males?"  Mac and Don both shook their heads.  "Huh.  That is something we need to look into."  He got back to work.  "Anything new on the others?"

"No," Don admitted.  He came over to look.  "Are those cooking herbs?"

Xander shrugged. "You ask like I know how to cook."

"Rosemary, thyme, oregano?" Don offered.

"Um, thyme probably.  Rosemary wouldn't be out of line.   It also has some ritual and healing uses.  They've been using a lot of healing herbs in the final wash.  I'm not sure why yet.  If it's an apology, to keep them from dying, or whatever."

"It's something to add to the profile," Mac agreed, coming over carefully.  "That is rosemary."

Xander held up a stem.  "It's been stripped.  I get all my stuff prepared for me when I need to do potiony stuff."

"It comes like that in the store," Don told him, taking that bag to look at.  "It looks like it was cut fresh, Mac?  That bit of discoloration in the center?"

Mac looked at it, nodding. "That would mean it was cut fresh.  They probably have a pot in the kitchen. I know my wife used to."  He finished sealing the bag for Xander and watched him work.  "What's that pink thing?"

Xander looked then at him.  "Barbie shoe.  Want me to bag it too?"

"Just in case it means something to them or they carried it with the body," Mac agreed.  Xander bagged it and sealed it, handing it over.

"The crap you find on our city streets," Don complained.

Xander grinned.  "I found a chewed up and pooped out five hundred dollar bill at one scene.  Done by a llama.  Not part of the scene, not even related, she had been walking her llama the night before and let it crap.  The treasury was not happy when we handed it over to them.  It had been part of a bank heist a few months back.  She had bought a llama for a pet with some of her share."

Don walked off snickering.  "Okay, you guys get nearly as bad as we do.  How's the fertility guy you guys have?"

"God did call.  God got a wake up call when Horatio and SWAT broke his door in," Xander said dryly.  "God's not real happy with Horatio at the moment.  He was a minister who was going on about the white birth rate falling thanks to immoral activities while the immigrant and so-called lesser people's birthrates skyrocketed and intermixed."

"It's good to know you guys get just as many crackpots as we do," Don complained, shaking his head, but he was smiling.

"Yeah, Horatio said to please keep them to yourselves next time.  That one apparently traveled down to our land to get away from that winter stuff I keep hearing about."

"You've never seen snow?" Don demanded.

Xander looked at him.  "I'm from near the desert, Don.  The only time I've seen snow it was a hellmouthy event where I turned invisible and you don't like to hear about those so I won't share so you don't have to run away."  He got back to work.

Don frowned. "I don't mind."

"You run when I talk about that stuff."

Don rolled his eyes, walking off.

"I don't think he really minds, Xander.  I think you freak him out a bit," Mac offered gently.

"I do that a lot.  It's what keeps me from dating someone nice," Xander said grimly.  "Which is pretty lonely.  I almost considered asking Ryan out but he's very straight and comes over to steal some of Gerald's porn collection now and then."  He handed over another bag.  "I have no idea what that is but it's a big leaf."

Mac looked, then smiled.  "This is not native.  I've seen this in the Middle East.  This is an olive tree leaf."

"Cool.  Many of those in the city?"

"No and it's fairly hard to find them."  He went to call Sheldon to start a search on any olive trees in the city.  They were in the wrong climate for them to produce outside of a greenhouse.

Xander grinned at Don, then picked up something else.  "I love helping.  It's why I used to jump into things."

Don smiled gently.  "The world's a better place because you did, Xander."  Xander gave him a smile that made his stomach clench.  He had to ignore the voice screaming at him to kiss him.  Over a dead body was not the place for this.  "Dinner after work tonight?"

"I can order."

"I meant going out, Xander."

Xander blinked at him.  "You mean... us?  Like us going out to dinner?"

"Yes, Xander, like a date," Don agreed, watching as Mac walked off again to give them some privacy.  "Wherever you wanna go."

"Hotdogs?  You guys are supposed to have some of the world's best."

Don grinned a goofy grin and nodded.  "If you want.  After work tonight."  He walked off happier, punching Mac on the arm.  "Behave."

"Not saying anything," he promised but he was smiling.  Sometimes Xander was such a guy and sometimes he was like a late teenage girl.  A date to go out for hotdogs?

***

Xander grinned at Don across the park bench later that night.  "These are really good."

"They are," Don agreed. "I don't often go all the way down here for 'em but they're really good."  He ate another bite.  "You wanna do anything after this?"

"There's a curling match tonight on ESPN2.  Want to watch it with me?"

"I know nothing about that sport," Don admitted.

"Well, it's like shuffleboard played on ice but there's a guy with a broom to help make sure your weight goes where it's supposed to go."

Don looked confused at that.  "On ice?"  Xander nodded.  "Ever watched hockey?  It's one of my favorite sports.  Since you like ice."

"Nope."

"It can be a brutal game, but it's a good one.  Tension, drama, team sports."  He finished up his hotdog, wiping his mouth and sipping some of his beer.  Xander had decided to have one of his rare beers tonight.  Just one but it was half-full.  He was a bit nervous.

"Are we talking like Roman Colosseum brutal?  Like with gladiators and lions that the PETA people would complain about the treatment of because they're kept starved so they eat the guys with the puny swords?  That sort of brutal?"  He finished his second hotdog and wiped his hands off while he chewed.

"Not quite that brutal.  Like fist fights, the occasional stick to the head, that sort of brutal."

Xander swallowed and sipped his beer.  "Sounds interesting.  If we can find one I'll let you show me.  See if I like it.  I like ice skating, not ice dancing, but ice skating is pretty.  Pairs is kinda sexy and stuff.  So apparently I like ice sports."

Don grinned.  "Sure, we can do that.  It's the season so I should be able to find one.  I've got the extended Rangers package."

"Do you think Mac could've been a gladiator?"

"Maybe," he said, considering it.  "Some people believe in past lives and maybe in his past life he could've been one.  The Mac today would've complained about the lion's treatment too.  It's mean to kill animals for sport.  Hunting's something different but just for a good show?  Nah.  He'd complain."

"Maybe you're right, in a past life," Xander agreed.

"You ... haven't seen anything like that, right?"

"No," he scoffed.  "The only ones I have are macro, dangerous things.  I haven't had one in months.  Not since I had to stop Horatio from doing something stupid one morning.  He was turning on his hummer and didn't wonder why the radio came on when he stuck in the key, even though he doesn't listen to the radio in the hummer.  It was a bomber's signature and we had warned him but Eric had balled his brains out the night before so he was being dumb and not paying attention."

Don coughed, taking Xander's beer to finish so he could calm his blush down.  "Wow.  Delko and Caine?"

"And Speed."

"That's one... hot image," he decided, making Xander nod.  "Awww, do you get to watch?"

"No, if I hang out with them too often Alexx decides I'm trying to take one of them from Speed and she turns mean so I can't make her boy hurt.  Even though she knows I'm not going after them, because I'm not a poacher.  I'm very anti poaching but she doesn't always listen to that."

"Most guys are anti poaching," Don agreed. "It's impolite."

"I've got a better sense of self-preservation than that," Xander joked.  "Even in the clubs."

Don snickered.  "Have you been going out?"

"No, the new Chief of Internal Affairs told me I'm not allowed to go out alone.  Which I agree with but we've been too tired thanks to the shifting workloads from the update so I haven't been out in a few months."

"Can't you go work with Calleigh?"

"She threatened me if I came into her lab and took her work."  He smiled gently.  "I think she's having an unholiness problem."

"Unholiness problem?  She's possessed?"

"No, she's having a problem that's going to require me to go to a domestic dispute homicide since I'm not involved in their lab," Xander said grimly.  "I think John had an oops and she's going to kill him when she figures that out."

"He'll marry her. You said he's a stand up guy."

"I don't think she'd want that.  They're fighting again.  Have been for months.   So I might get a call to go to the domestic homicide scene sometime this month.  I hope not. I like John.  He's a neat guy.  It'd have to be me and Stetler who answered it.  Ryan's off field work for six weeks with his broken ankle.  He wouldn't be able to collect things."  He checked his phone, then held up a finger, calling Horatio.  "It's me.  Well, Don took me out for excellent hotdogs and a beer.  Then we're going to go home and watch ice sports.  I'm going to show him curling and he's going to show me hockey."  He smiled.  "No, wondering if I was going to be called when Calleigh kills John.  Yes she will.  Yes, she will, Horatio.

"Because she cried that the machine was out of chocolate the last time I saw her and they're fighting again.  Yes she will and I'm not part of your lab team, who wouldn't be allowed to answer it if she did kill John.  With Ryan laid up and Helen being in Hawaii I'm worried I'll be out of town and you'll have to go to one of the lesser techs in non-felony who won't like or appreciate her."  He listened to him calmly tell him it wasn't a problem.  "Horatio, unless she miscarried or she's told him...."  He burst out laughing.  "Yeah, she is.  Trust me, she is.  Have Alexx pull blood work tomorrow.  If she hasn't figured it out I don't know why but yes she is or she's having severe hormone swings for some other reason, Horatio.  We're thinking three weeks.  I'm with Don.  Worried I'll have to come down to a domestic homicide scene with Stetler."  He nodded.  "Okay.  If you say so.  Night."  He hung up.  "He said she's not."

"He'll have her do a test tomorrow."  Don patted his hand.  "Get another and walk around with them?"  Xander beamed and nodded, going to buy this round.  It was cute.  He had bought one, Xander had bought the first, and then he was getting this one.  For him having asked Xander out, it was a really cheap date on his end.  Instead he got them drinks and walked off with him to eat and chat about the stuff going on in their lives.  Xander showed him pictures of his dog, making him happy.  He sounded like a good dog who slept on the bed, even if he did push Horatio out of it.

***

Xander looked at Don's commander, giving him a confused look.  "Why did you want to see me, Captain?"

"Shut the door, Harris."

Xander shut the door, looking at him.  He read body language very well.  "You know, Horatio does that 'are you stupid' look over the edge of his glasses so much better."  Gerrard gave him a horrified look.  "What did you want?  Yes, Don and I are friends.  And?"

"You're gay."

"No, I'm bi.  I've had many women.  They all turned into serial killers or wanted to kill my ass.  And?  There's no law saying lab techs can't be bi."

"There is in the NYPD."

"Then it's a good thing I'm Miami-Dade, huh?" he said dryly.  "I'm not saying anything about Don's and my friendship.  You want to know something, you go to Don."

"I want you to leave him alone.  He's got a promising career."  The door opened and Danny stepped in, Stella closing the door.  "What do *you* want, Messer?" he sneered.

"Your ass on a telephone pole, but that's just for starters," Danny said, sneering back.  "I'll say this once, Gerrard, and we're all agreed down in the lab.  You try to start shit with Don or Xander because of them being friends and I'll make sure your discrimination suit hits every single paper in the country.  And yes, there will be one."

"Danny," Xander said.

"Hush."  He looked at him.  "We like you two.  It's cute."  He grinned.  "You watched hockey and didn't call it funny names?"

"Less graceful than ice skating but more exciting than curling."

"Cool.  It's a good guy sport."  He patted him on the arm then sneered at Gerrard again.  "You start shit with Flack and I can also promise you Mac's going to his dad.  Let's see how well your badge gets worn when it's up yer ass."  He walked Xander out, smiling at Don when he walked in.  "Your Captain wanted to talk to Xander about hockey games."

"Really?" Don asked.  "Xander?"

"I told him our friendship was none of his business, Don.  It's not."

"It's not," he agreed, smiling at him.  "Or anywhere it might be going."

"Or has gone," Xander admitted quietly, giving him a shy look.

Don beamed.  "Good ta know.  There's a Rangers game tonight if we get free."

"I'll buy popcorn so you can throw it at the guy in front of the net?"

"Sure, I like throwing popcorn at the goalie."  He smiled, patting him on the arm.  "Let me go talk ta my boss for a few."  He walked in there, slamming the door.  Xander tried to hang back but there was no screaming coming out so he guessed it was all right to leave them.

"C'mon, we've got a good lead," Danny told him.  "We found one through a collection agency database."  He walked Xander off with him.  "Have you met his dad yet?"

"No but he called his Mom last night.  I think she's coming for dinner later.  I hope he remembers that."

"It'll be fine.  His Ma's like my Ma.  She'll cook up everything and then nag you ta eat because you're too skinny.  Both of you."  He patted him on the back, leading him back to Mac's office.  "Had a talk with Gerrard."

"Interesting.  Do I have to go clean up a fight?"  He looked at him then at Xander.  "Tell me he didn't."

"He tried," Xander admitted.  "Don's in there and there's no screaming."  Mac got up and hurried off.   "Don doesn't yell?"

"It's not the yellin' ya have to handle.  It's when Flack gets quiet on the other side of the yelling that usually means someone's gonna at least be punched in the nose.  You'll meet his dad for lunch probably."  He patted him and found that report, handing it to him.   "Isn't that our guy?"

Xander looked and beamed. "It's one of them.  Though the lack of males bothers me.  I'm wondering if they want them all to be their kids or if they're keeping the males or dumping them outside the city."

"We'll find out," Danny promised.  They went to find the guy, him paging Mac and Don on the way out.  Just so they'd know.  They got there and rang the bell, but Xander coughed and pushed him out of the way before he fell down.  Danny hit his emergency switch before he passed out too.

***

Don kicked in the door, walking in with his gun drawn, Mac and Stella behind him.  "NYPD!  You're sorry bastards, give it up now!" he yelled.  No answer, no movement.  "Damn it.  They're not here."  He kept going just to make sure.  "Mac?"

Stella went to look at the bills lying out.  "They have two storage areas," she announced, waving those bills.  Mac took one, Don took the other and they headed out.  "Don?  I'm going with you."

"Sure.  The more the merrier.  Mac, we going together?"

"We are."  He looked at him.  "Let me get Sheldon and Lindsay plus a few of the others I trust."  He called in for backup and announced which site they were going to.  They got there and it was a charnel house.  There was blood and parts everywhere.  Stella had to run to get sick.  They had her picture over the altar.

Don looked around.  "This isn't where they're keeping people, Mac.  This is the ritual area.  Xander said they're probably apart because no guy could get it up with this around."  He looked at him.  "Guys, secure this, get Hawkes here now!" he yelled, heading for the car, Mac behind him.  "You two, follow."  He got in to drive, starting the car before Mac got in and heading to the other address.  It was halfway across town.  This was not good.  They got there and they had local backup thanks to one of the other detectives.  The local boys were sitting on it and waiting on them, with vests on.  "May not need those but good idea."  He walked up to the door.  "We try?" he asked quietly.  One shook his head so he tried the knob.  It was unlocked. "Sloppy."

"It works in our favor," Mac reminded him.  "Focus, Don."  He led the way in, looking at the newly built antechamber.  There were wallboarded stud walls, wallboard on the interior side.  He moved slowly and carefully, making sure there weren't any alarms.  He heard a grunt and checked the opening, gaping in horror.  He turned in, gun out.  "Freeze, NYPD!"

"Fat chance," Xander said, dodging the guy trying to stab him.  "Make him stop, Mac.  Before I lose it and kill the bastard for trying to undo my clothes."

"I mean it, freeze!" Don ordered coldly.  "We will shoot you."

"He's mine!  The Gods demand!  He came to us to be sacrificed!  He is one of us!" he shouted, stabbing at Xander again.  "He has proven himself a worthy gay warrior to pass on his seed!"

"I'm fixed," Xander said in a 'hello!' voice.  "No seed coming outta  me.  It's all rotting, the way it should be."  The man snarled and lunged again but Xander ducked under him and came up inside his arms, kneeing him and then cracking a rib to send him crashing down to the ground.  He panted, spitting on him.  "Bitch, you have no idea what you just tried to play with.  You're damn lucky I'm still partially high or I would've been cleaning your guts from my nails when they got here."  He spat again and Mac walked him off.  "Danny's behind the other fake wall," he said, pointing and wobbling.  "They gave us very good drugs.  Did you know Danny snored in two keys?  He said he was tone deaf."

"He only snores like that when it's an opium derivative, Xander.  Need medics?"

"As long as I can get back to watch the hockey game and meet Flack's mom.  Danny said she might even spoil him and cook."

Don smiled. "Probably.  C'mon, Xander.  I can't work this since you're here.  Guys, go find Messer and any other survivors!"  They hurried the way Xander had pointed.

"Watch out for the trap door!" Xander called.  "It leads to rats!  I threw the other one down there!"  He grinned at Don.  "Hi."

"Hi.  You're really high, huh?"

"Yeah, it came out of the doorbell."  He passed out, letting Don catch him.

Don carried him out, putting him on the trunk of the car until ambulances got there.  The fresh air would do him good.  So would the light drizzle that was starting.  Mac brought Danny out and put him on the hood.  "He good?"

"He's just as passed out."

"The guy in the rats?"

"We'll have to do a dental identification.  They were starving," Mac said grimly. "Sid's going to complain for weeks and Hawkes will give him that 'interesting' look."  The ambulance pulled up.  "There's eight other people in there, all drugged and bound.  These two are cops, one ours, one Miami's and a consultant on this case.  By the way Danny's snoring it was something made from opium or morphine.  He only snores musically when it's that way."  They nodded, calling for reinforcements while they looked at those two and one went inside to check the others.  He looked at Don.  "Want me to call your Dad?"

"No, I think we've both talked to my father too many times today," Don said with a small grin.  "He's gonna bitch and swear at me for later on I'm sure for you calling him on Gerrard."

"Danny said he'd make him shit his badge," Xander said weakly, swatting at the paramedic.  "Get off.  Not yours!"

"Xander!" Mac snapped.  "You're going.  You cannot leave until they tell you you can, and I'm telling Horatio!"

Xander whined.  "Mac!"

"Tough," Don agreed.  "You're going to the ER and I'll be there."

Xander blinked at him.  "I'm not a princess."

"You did a pretty good princess faint," he teased with a grin.

"That's from where I got proclaimed to be the princess of ballistics by my classmates," he said with a small pout.  "I'll be okay.  All I need is a nap."

Don shook his head but he was smiling.  "Fat chance, Xander."  He helped load him onto the gurney, following them both into the ambulance.  "I'll make sure Danny stays until you can come for the debrief, Mac," Don promised, heading off with them.

"I hope he has extra handcuffs," Mac muttered, going back inside.  He found his boss storming in a few minutes later.  "They were keeping the men hostage, sir.  They'll be fine.  They're going in the next ambulance.  Messer and Harris both went already."

"Harris?" he asked.

"The consultant Horatio loaned us from Miami, sir.  One of the suspects had woken him up; we got here in time to find Xander defend himself against a man with a sword.  He eventually broke his rib and kneed him in the balls to get free before passing out.  The other he fed to a drop pit of rats."  He let him see, weathering the horrified look.  "We didn't set that up, sir, they did."

"Is this your ritual case?"

"It is.  Xander was instrumental in helping us solve it, sir.  Even if Captain Gerrard doesn't like him because he's bisexual and from Miami's lab."

"I heard your boy offered to let him crap out his badge."

Mac looked at him.  "It was more polite than my own offer, sir."

"I heard from Flack's father too."  He gave him a look.  "Flack and this boy?" he asked quietly, glancing around.  Mac shrugged.  "No comment?"

"It's not my duty as his coworker or friend to comment or speculate.  I do know Don went with both him and Messer to the ER."

"Good.  Probably better than him twittering here or spitting on the bodies."  He walked off shaking his head.  "The other scene you called in?"

"Their working area, sir.  Where they killed people.  Sheldon should have that well in hand."

"Good.  I'll make sure."

"Sir, it made me gag," Mac warned.

"I'll stand outside and make sure, Mac."  He walked off smiling a bit.  Flack Senior was going to be impressed at his boy's choice from what he had heard. Taking on someone with a sword?  He had to at least be tough.

***

Xander limped into the station, glaring at Frank.  "Do.  Not.  Say.  A.  Word," he warned.  "I tripped coming off the plane."  He left him laughing and headed for his boss's office.  "Reporting back, finally, Horatio," he said before he walked in.  Speed smirked at him.  "No Horatio?"

"At the hospital with John.  She went for him with her nails last night.  He's fine but a few needed stitches and he was stubborn.  By the way, she wants to kick your ass too."

"The guy who wanted me to father a new race of people for when the rest of you were destroyed wanted it too."  He flopped down with a groan.  "Tripped coming off the plane," he told him.

"Ah.  How was New York?"  Xander gave him an arched eyebrow look.  "I've heard we're getting a new detective?"

Xander just smiled.  "No comment.  The same as you told me."  Calleigh stormed in.  "Can I babysit?  I'll even help you decorate the nursery so the baby's very Xena-like and strong but she bathes and does more than fish."

Calleigh gaped then burst out crying and stomped off to complain to Alexx.  Alexx came up glaring at him.  "Don't be mean to her!"

"I offered to babysit and help her decorate the nursery," he defended.  "Don't you dare swat me either.  I'm under orders to rest for another day before I go back to work."

"Why?" she asked patiently.

"The guy with the sword who wanted me to father a new race of mankind when the rest of you got destroyed by God for being unclean and filthy whores according to him."  She gaped.

"That was a direct quote from the guy who went after him with a sword to prove if he was a warrior or not," Don said from the doorway, waving at Speed.  "Hey.  Don Flack, the new Detective Third Grade."  He smiled at Alexx.  "He was very good.  He was unarmed.  That's why the NYPD gave him a commendation and a reward for helping solve the case.  Plus offered him another two grand a year and any lab spot he wanted within the city's labs."  He got poked and smiled at Horatio.  "So, I hear you're the Mac-like boss but you give looks over your sunglasses.  Don Flack, Detective Third Grade.  Just transferred in."

"Welcome to Miami," he said with a smile, shaking his hand.  "Have you met our ME, Alexx Woods?"

"She hadn't introduced herself but I'm sure it was to make sure I wasn't stunned by her beauty."  He shook her hand.  "Hi."

"Welcome to Miami."  She looked at him.  "You're a New Yorker."

"Born and bred.  Third generation NYPD."

She gaped then blinked at Xander.  "Baby...."

He gave her a look. "You're mean and you know damn well I'd never steal what Speed has.  Grumpy."

"It's the pain talking," Don told her. "He's got two cracked ribs and he's supposed to have another three days bed rest before doing lab only work for a week, Horatio."

"No, the doctor said I had to rest *one* day before I could go back to work."  He grinned sweetly at Horatio.  "How's my lab looking?"

"Halfway done," Horatio admitted.  He looked at Don.  "Do you have his discharge orders?  I know to check them after the last time he got hurt."  Don handed them over, letting him look at them while Xander pouted.  "I do see you're supposed to be off the rest of this week, Xander.  Especially since Frank said you're in a bad mood."

"Speed stole my dog!"

"We'll help you pick out a new dog," Don promised, grinning at him.  "Coincidentally I start Monday too, bossman.  So I'll be borrowing Xander's spare bed for a few days."  He walked in and helped him up.  "Come on, limp along.  I still don't see how you tripped coming off the plane when you fought off the guy with the sword while you were drugged and nearly overdosing so he wouldn't feed you to the rats too."

"Don," he complained.  "They already think I'm strange."

"Uh-huh."  He smirked at Horatio.  "Did Mac tell you what our boss offered him if he'd stay in New York with us?"  He walked Xander off, taking him home to help him settle in.  They'd go to the pound later and pick out a new dog for him.

Horatio looked at Alexx, shutting her mouth for her.  "Yes, it is what you think.  He transferred in to be with him.  No, Ryan has no idea yet.  I'm sure he'll meet him tonight."

"Probably when he complains about the noise," Speed said dryly, leaning back in his chair.  He called Mac, putting him on speaker.

"Detective Mac Taylor."

"It's not nice to poach, Mac," Speed said.

"I had to try, Speed.  He made Danny work with him and they got along right off the bat.  Even if his t-shirt did give Danny a few nightmares and one made Lindsay bang her head into a wall to stop the bad thoughts.  He made Stella giggle and Hawkes was appreciative because he let him learn new things.  My whole team loved him."

"Don't listen to him," Danny said more faintly.  "We'd rather have Don happy and let Xander bounce into him.  Don fed him candy last night."

Speed snickered.  "I'm sure he knows not to now," he offered.  "What did you guys offer him?"

"Sixty a year, any lab he wanted, any assistant he wanted, as many interns as he could ever want, and the right to include his artillery collection into his exemplar here as long as he donated it."

Horatio growled.  "We pay him very well, Mac, and he's third in command in his lab once it's finished.  Though I am glad we stole Don from you."

"He's happy.  As long as he stays happy you're welcome to him," Mac promised.  "If he's not, his father's vowed to come destroy Miami and Xander."

"Of course he'll try," Speed said dryly.  "But Xander seems to be able to stop those."

"Well, the Flack name is legendary around here," Mac said dryly.  "They in?"

"Xander tried to say he could report for duty tomorrow," Alexx told him.

"He tried that up here too.  Don fed him chocolate and made him take him out to a street fair since he wasn't supposed to be working normal cases while we waited for the arraignment and his citation and reward," Mac told her.  "Don's the same way, Horatio.  Fair warning."

"Him and John Hagen both," he sighed.  "Thank you for watching out for Xander for me, Mac."

"It was great.  He walked in, got down to business, told us what he needed, got us leads once we got it to him.  Gave us a way to question others later by introducing Sheldon. If you *ever* lose Xander, he's mine, Horatio.  I don't care what he's done or who he's killed."  He hung up.

Horatio smiled, looking at the people in his office.  "It looks like some of the insanity will settle down."

"Xander said that Don introduced him to a guy's sport he likes," Speed told him.  "He likes hockey.  He even gets Don to watch curling with him."

Alexx shook her head, walking off sighing.  "Calleigh?"  She gave her a pout.  "It's the hormones, sugar."  She closed the lab door to share the new gossip, making her happier.

***

Ryan came home that night after an exhausting day of a really nasty dumpster scene.  "I'm back," he called.  He heard Xander giggle.  Then he heard a dog bark.  He smiled.  "Must have a new friend.  He opened his door, tossing his things inside before knocking on Xander's door.  A tall, dark haired guy answered.  "Friend from LA?" he guessed.

"Boyfriend from New York," he said dryly.

"That's Ryan.  He's the tenant and coworker I told you about," Xander called from the kitchen.  The microwave went off and he carried out the plates, sitting down.  "Come meet Chuddley, Ryan."

Ryan came in, smiling at the blond setter.  "Hey, Chuddley."  He let him sniff his hands, then petted him.  "You'll love it here.  Xander spoils everyone."

Don smiled at him.  "Xander deserves some back too.  Sorry if we keep you up.  I gave Xander caramel earlier."

Ryan looked at him.  "You're a brave man," he said dryly.  "If you hurt him, I'm writing all his exes that are still alive.  Clear?"

"Crystal.  Though Tanya likes me.  She called."  Ryan smiled, walking out shaking his head.  He closed the door and came over to play with the dog while he nibbled dinner, then cuddled into Xander's side once he was done.  He was under orders to make Xander eat or tempt him into it.  If he didn't gain five pounds the doctor said he couldn't have sex until he did.  So he'd let his boy eat then play with him.  Xander grinned, snuggling into his side. "I do like this building."

"It was relatively cheap.  She had even heard of my ballistics brilliance."  Chuddley hopped up to take Don's free side, letting him pet his head and side while he watched tv with them.  He pointed.  "Wait, he's going to lift her."  They watched the pairs skaters do a lift.  "I still think that's got to hurt.  That's right on the pubic bone."

"Like anything, with practice comes numbness."

"That's right near the clit though.  Wouldn't that make it harder for her to get off?"

"Not real sure," Don admitted.  "Have to ask your ME or Calleigh that."

"She might cry on me."

"Then ask her boyfriend.  He could probably use the laugh."  He grinned at him and stole a kiss.  "Anything else we have to do tonight?"

"I've got to clean my babies tomorrow since I'm not working tomorrow.  Since someone narked."

"Sheldon faxed it down earlier with instructions that said if you did not gain five pounds in the next two weeks you could not have sex until you did."

"Damn.  Meddler," he complained.

"Yeah.  So, want seconds?"  Xander kissed him, crawling into his lap to have him.  "I don't think I'm nutritious."

"But you're filling and tasty and a bit naughty for me to eat," Xander teased.

Don moaned.  "I love the way your mind works, Xander.  Please eat me, babe."  Xander let out an evil little chuckle and moved down to tease and tempt him until he could suck him and swallow him down.  Then Don decided to do as best he could.  He'd learn how to please Xander soon enough.  Then he'd make him scream like some of the people on Ryan's porn that he was watching.  "We need to fix him up."

"He was dating a reporter before."

"Well, maybe Lindsay...."  Xander shut him up the easy way and made him focus on him instead of the noises from next door.   It was damn good.

The End.